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9v43bs | aita for sleeping with someone before discussing what we wanted out of a relationship? | i met someone on bumble and we slept together after the second date. we hadn't really discussed what we were each looking for, but i've noticed she has gone inactive on the app. i just got out of a long relationship and don't want anything serious, and i fully plan to continue dating other people, but of course she doesn't really know any of that. i'm not sure if she does or doesn't want anything serious either. i still want to keep seeing her, but i'll try not to initiate anything intimate until we talk about what we're each looking for. aita? wibta if i told her i don't want anything serious after we already slept together? | nta | nta, but next time tell them in advance. i’ve done this before by accident and had to be like “hey, just so you know i’m not exactly in a place for commitment right now. i’m sorry if that’s what you were looking for, but if it is i really don’t wanna waste your time.” and thankfully she was on the same page as me. hopefully it should be the same for you too. best of luck! | nta. you met on bumble. she slept with you on the second date. she's likely in the same boat as you not wanting anything serious. | 3 |
9v46ti | aita for calling out my parents about their bad parenting? my brother tried to run away and i went off at them. | mainly title. my parents have been absolute saints and devil's over the years, with extremes on both sides. recently my 15 year old brother tried to run away, and i went off on them for being absolute trash parents for him. the 15yr old in question has been forced into college early by my mother (she did all his homework in highschool to get him to graduate early) and has strayed onto a really dark path. because the way they parent, my mother blames me (the oldest of 6 kids btw) and my dad doesn't do anything to be a father figure. he recently called an uber and ran away to his online gf's house, and then scammed the uber driver out by claiming it wasn't a purchase made by him on his car (total between the 2 times he's ran away was $285!!!?!?!). he's became racist and extremely edgy at 15, and i'm the only one trying to curb it. my parents don't care that he "hates jews" or that "lgbt people need to die", and i keep having arguments with them about it. i went off on both my mother and father, calling them out on their bad parenting and the neglect and lack of support they have been for my 15 yr old brother. i was really venomous about it, and my mother insists that i am the reason he's this way. i have been in college for 4 years; not at home where he's been. i told my mother that she's a shit parent for ignoring my brothers social and emotional state, and that she has no business being a role model and parent for the rest of my siblings. i told my dad that he's an absolute fuckwad of a father figure and that he's he reason that my brother is this way. i told them both that they've failed as parents, and i was told i'm delusional. | nta | this is a validation post. nta | you posted this for validation. obviously nta. go to r/raisedbynarcissists | 0 |
9v4cyw | aita for feeling like this was rude even if my boyfriend was technically "right"? | disclaimer: this situation in particular is really resolved i guess in that we argued and then stopped arguing and moved on and i'm not really holding a grudge. i just really.. don't know if i was right in my feelings on the matter. last week me and my boyfriend went to dinner before a large event in town. my boyfriend had been sliiightly irritable earlier in the day, but we both have a handful of mental health issues and work so that happens semi-often. he was fine when we left for dinner. at dinner (red robin's btw), there was a football game on one of the tvs. i think it was the patriots and the packers? he was watching on and off while we had conversation. we arrived at the topic of sports, and then sports mascots, and how a lot of nfl teams aren't even real mascots. he mentioned it would be funny to found a team and have your mascot just be some incomprehensible creature, and i was like oh, that's a thing, let me show you a picture! the philadelphia phillies (baseball) have a mascot just called the fanatic who is... weird. no discernable creature. it took me like 10 sec to unlock my phone and get to pulling up the pic. without looking at me (he kept his eyes locked on the tv which was behind me) he said "no". i said, oh, it's just a picture, and he repeated himself "no". i would like to also say he said it semi-hostiley, not super aggressive or yelling, but sounding annoyed. i was really confused, and kept insisting, and moreso asking "but why???" and he just said "because i don't want to!" and i continued to be like, but. why???? we went back and forth and he said "i'm saying no and need to respect me when i say no even if i don't have a reason". now, we fought more after this and it escalated. i definitely (probably?) overreacted by getting really frustrated and upset by this and threatening to leave dinner (which is not what i'm asking about btw, that was probably an asshole thing) and after maybe 15 min we both calmed down and returned to dinner. while we argued though he made it about me "not respecting him and his no" which... i don't feel like i have to say the weird things that starts to imply (which i brought up to him afterwards), when, to me... it was just rude??? like, ok, yes, i guess, in general, if somebody does not want to do something i should not and try not to make them do it. but how is it not rude to just... blatantly refuse to look at a thing completely relevant to the conversation and give literally no context as to why?? he eventually "explained" it was because he didn't like me being on my phone at all while we were on a date (which is totally fair but nothing he had ever brought up beforehand) but... isn't there at least a much nicer way to go about this? even a "no thanks, not right now" or "i'll look later" or "actually can you please not be on your phone right now"??? aita??? i legitimately don't know. i usually feel confident in our arguments whether or not my feelings are legitimate but... i honestly cannot tell this time. | nta | he was staring at the tv and got mad at you for bringing up something on your phone relevant to the conversation? definitely nta | nta most people are irked by the use of phones because it means that your full attention is not on your dinner partner. he demands that you not be on your phone while he is paying attention to a game? does this not seem unbalanced? | 4 |
9v4dhf | aita my teacher gave me a lecture about being "obnoxious, disrespectful, having a superiority complex" | i'll be honest, i don't know if this is the right sub for this, so please direct me to the right place if need be. so this happened today, allow me to set the scene, it'll take a while. i'm not an incredible student in school, i get good grades and take honors/ap classes, but i don't have the honors kid mindset. i'm there to get an a and the credit, don't quite give a shit about going above and beyond. the classes i actually care about i put in genuine time and effort into, and actually learn something useful. english is not one such class, especially when it involves old literature that curriculums still administer. i'm taking ap literature this year not because i give a damn about literature, but because i want the ap credit to pad my transcript and make college easier later on. the class, as i expected, is extremely boring and honestly hasn't taught me anything of value since starting. we've spent 3 weeks just reading through the intricacies of hamlet, which i spent napping or playing on my phone. in the end, we didn't even do much with hamlet, a short 30 question quiz and a couple of questions on the unit test. at this point, all the shits i've given about the class as a whole has gone down the drain, i bs all the assignments that are given and i do just fine. i have better things to spend my time on, so all things related to ap literature are punted to the bottom of my priority list of stuff i do every day. i do my best to keep that list short, and normally english is the last thing i want to add to it. this leads to what happened today, right before class i check the calendar outside next to the door and see that we have another quiz coming up this friday that i have to study for. i let out an audible sigh and sound of disgust in a semi-joking fashion, i already had plenty of shit lined up from other classes i needed to do. apparently my english teacher, we'll call her mrs. d, heard me and got very triggered. at first, i thought she was joking when she said something to the effect of "trust me i don't want to be here either". about 5 minutes later in class, she walked out and called for me to come out as well. i don't remember the whole following conversation very well, but i remember a few select words she used. she said i was rude and had a superiority complex, claiming that i thought i was better than everyone else in the class. adding on that i am also the most obnoxious person in the class, that i don't contribute to group/partner assignments, and i don't stay engaged with everything. what she said does have some merit, so i'll provide two perspectives to see this situation from, mine and mrs. d's. mrs. d is absolutely horrendous at teaching and her class provides no academic value to me besides the credit and grade. she doesn't actually teach anything, we just pile through book after book and story after story without learning anything useful. a majority of her assignments are almost completely redundant: a 4-page personal journal every two weeks, a random literary term quiz here and there, and multiple-choice problems that are loosely tied to what we read that she never explains. i've stopped giving a shit and normally catch up on much-needed sleep or scroll through reddit on my phone to stave off boredom during long reading times. i do carry my weight whenever i need to, and contrary to her claim, i also contribute to group and partner activities. i do the assignments given, usually with full marks. i'm not doing badly in the class, floating at a 97 with a couple pending grades that may drop it a point or two. from mrs. d's perspective, i'm a lazy student who doesn't care about her class, which is wholly true. i play on my phone or fall asleep during reading times, and have no respect for the sparing assignments she does give the class. i'm not engaged with everything she discusses and i bullshit everything. i openly showed my disgust to her stuff and barely gave her my minimum level of respect. ​ i've never been so shaken in a conversation with a teacher in a long time, i'm generally on good terms with all of my other teachers, even becoming a teacher's assistant for one and a class ambassador with another. at the end of the class, i cratered and offered a sincere apology for my apparently shitty behavior. i was genuinely sorry in some aspects, but mostly i just wanted to end any potential animosity that lingers and take a morally commendable route. so the question remains, am i the asshole? am i actually a shitty student and her words were justified? i'd also like to further explain what she said to me. she was shouting all this at me in the middle of the hallway, adding on to what i put earlier, she also said something to the effect of "i hope you need something from me (letter of recommendation?)" and "i hope your grade point average drops low enough so i don't have to round up". this'll hopefully at least shed some more light on why i was taken aback so abruptly. it doesn't devalue any of the arguments made so far, i'm still a shit student and i need to get better at dedicating more time to paying attention to her class. ​ | yta | i'm not reading all of this. keep your verbal masturbation to yourself man. yta. you're allowed to be smart. you're allowed not to care. you're not allowed to make others feel bad because you're so smart and you care so little. knock it off. | yeah, yta and your teacher is absolutely right. it sounds like you are rude with a superiority complex. stay off your phone in class and suck it up like everyone else and pay attention. p english was also incredibly boring for me (and i love reading and writing) but i still gave the teacher and my classmates the respect of paying attention. | 40 |
9v4k00 | aita for yelling at autistic girl to stop touching me | i have an autistic girl in my school who is kind of my friend but not quite. she sits near me at lunch and next to me in one of my classes. i wouldn’t say i’m extremely nice to her but i wouldn’t say i’m straight up mean to her. she doesn’t have many other friends and a lot of people give her dirty looks. she is always asking to borrow a pencil, or an eraser, or a pencil sharpener even though she has one. often grabbing mine if it is between us. not even asking just taking it and rolling it around in her hands. she won’t give it back until i ask her to. today while i was walking with my friends she walked up to me and started talking, interrupting our conversation. she started brushing up against me — i really hate being touch — i talked to her and them but was kind of ignoring her she kept walking with us and kept saying my name and when i turned to her she was holding one of the draw strings to my hoodie. she didn’t ask, didn’t say anything just took it. just was holding it. i didn’t even notice she was touching me. i freaked out grabbing it and told her to stop touching me. i hate hugs, physical contact in general, and really really hate it when people get to close. she then kind of walked away, to her group of friends. i feel bad but i really really hate touching other people in general. i think i made her sad. tldr: freaked out when girl started playing with the draw strings of the hoodie i was wearing. | nta | ehh, grey nta here. talk to her or get a teacher to talk to her about her actions and intruding other people’s personal space and common courtesy. things like that aren’t exactly intuitive - meaning we have to be taught to respect other people’s personal space and we have to be taught manners. social cues like this are especially hard for people on the autism spectrum, from what i remember. so see about maybe spelling it out for her if you think you’re able to. and if you don’t think you are, see what a teacher might be able to say/do. | autistic girl here. nta. as long as you don’t shout at her and politely ask her to stop. | 56 |
9v4mrf | aita for not moving off the sidewalk when a large group is approaching | on an almost daily basis people on my campus will walk in large groups (often on their phone or talking and not paying attention). sometimes people will see me walking and will not move even an inch to let me pass, so i just walk straight into them. it usually pisses them off quite a bit, but i always make space for people coming towards me when i’m in a group. aita? | nta | as long as you’re sticking to the right side of the sidewalk (assuming you live in the us) then you’re nta. you have every right to be on that sidewalk, people need to either single file it up or be less impatient. | nta. when we and my friends are in groups, we tend to make to make room for the other people passing by us. just seems like the right thing to do. ram through them lmao | 15 |
9v4rhm | aita for not taking my friends home after going to the mall? | i have four friends: i drive my own car, two friends drive their own car, one could but doesn't drive, and the other doesn't drive at all. the two that don't drive usually bum a ride off of this one guy who drives (he will be r) and the other that drives (h) sometimes takes them home but not often. i never take them home because of strict parents who don't like me off on my own. anyways we decide to go to the mall; when we walk out the parking lot r says, "welp i have 1/8 tank left so i can't take you guys home." the two look at me and h. i say i'm not and h doesn't really want to either. they keep pestering me for some reason until i finally say i'm not taking either of them home. h ends up having to take both of them home even though he didn't plan on it. am i the asshole for not giving in to their leechy ways? gas isn't cheap and parents aren't very forgiving. thoughts? | nta | nta because you do not owe them a ride home simple as that | nta. if they get rides often, this time was a good chance to offer to pay for gas. you don't owe them a ride unless you agreed beforehand. | 1 |
9v4rin | aita for being offended that my hs friends gave neither gift nor card to my husband and me for my wedding? | i am in my 30s, and so are my friends. i recently got married in st. paul, and i had some friends from my hs travel from out of state (georgia, florida, ohio) to attend. each of them paid airfare and airbnb fees to attend, which i agree is very generous. i never expected any kind of gift from any of them, but it would have been nice to get some kind words written in a card. aita for expecting at least a card?? p.s. i also mentioned to my best friend of the group how i didn't receive a card from anyone in the group. he said he didn't know people gave cards at weddings (uh, what is that huge box with cards on the entrance tables for anyway???) | nta | “i didn’t expect any kind of gift from any of them but a card would have been nice.” okay so you expected some sort of gift from them then. i guess i see what you’re saying. like i get why you’re offended. but your friends are already coming so far out and they spent time with you on one of the most memorable days of your life. them not being aware of some commonality isn’t something that’s gonna matter in the long run and is certainly not something worth holding a grudge over. do what you can to get over it. nta right now, but ywbta if you hold onto this. congrats on your marriage and i wish you and yours a happy, long life together!! | you're allowed to be offended and upset. nta as long as you don't act on your feelings any further and hold it against them. they obviously care enough about you to spend hundreds to attend, i would just chalk this down as a simple mismatch of expectations and accept that your expectation of a card was not shared by any of the attendees. | 3 |
9v4yxo | aita for not wanting to talk to my mom? | hello everyone, before i begin my story, just want to let everyone know this is a throwaway account (username checks out) just because a lot of my irl friends have easy access to my main account. alright, so throughout my childhood i have been regarded as the kid with strict parents. things such as not being able to watch sponge bob until i was 14, having a flip phone until i was 13, and having a bed time of 8:30 until i was a sophomore in highschool (16). my grades were stellar in elementary school, and somewhat faltered in middle school, but nothing worse then a c. freshman year was rocky due to my parents divorce, and eventually i picked up my game and have a gpa of around 4.45 and high sat scores. ever since my mom has gotten divorced, she has more and more often become on edge and in general uptight. i hang out with friends almost every weekend, and my schedule is constantly packed with my energetic dog, soccer, gymnastics, school, etc and i really don’t have much relaxing time to myself. one way i was raised was to speak my feelings, and often times i do however this is one case i don’t know whether or not i should. the main point of this post is my problem. my mom has been lonely ever since her divorce and basically requires me to talk to her. rules have been put into effect such as no phones when in the car with her, no phone when in the same room as her, even if she walks into the room i was already in; i am expected to drop everything to talk to her. i feel as if i shouldn’t have to fill that job in her life, my schedule is busy enough and it isn’t like i don’t spend time with her. we have a good relationship and i talk to her easily for about 45 minutes a day (doesn’t sound like a lot but it is). am i the asshole for not spending more time with her even though my schedule rarely allows for more then an hour of personal time a night (not counting youtube at night)? i am 17 years old some more strict-ness is she won’t let me do my own laundry because i’ll waste water (even though i have never done it before nor shown any tendency of doing so) in fact just last weekend she was pissed at me for complaining i didn’t have any clean clothes even though i put them down that friday (she regularly does laundry on saturday) | nta | nta a conversation between the two of you should be natural instead of being forced upon you | nta. your best bet is moving away as soon as you graduate, and never look back. if you let your mom, she'll stick to you til the day you die. trying to but into any part of your life that she can. she brought this on herself, don't feel bad. i've been in a situation like this. don't let her ever guilt trip you | 0 |
9v55ps | aita for leaving class unexpectedly during a class project | in class we were in groups having a mock debate for class. one of the arguments someone brought up was suicide, which has no logical relation with what we were debating about. class awkwardly laughs. some other person added to it and laughed and everyone else laughed more. i felt panic coming so i left the classroom and emailed my professor why i left. what no one in my class knows except for one person is i lost a loved one to suicide (fall was their favorite season so with the leaves changing i've been having a rough time this semester) and is a huge trigger, especially with the mindset i've had lately. tl;dr am i an asshole for leaving a jolly good fun class event/project because i got "triggered"? | nta | nta, depending on how you left. it’s okay to walk away. | nta. it isn't your fault, and no one will stop you if you need to leave out of discomfort. | 4 |
9v56ed | aita for possibly quitting my nannying job without warning on friday? | i’ve been working for this family for nearly 4 years now as a nanny. i’ve been there for them through some of their financial issues, at one point taking a pay-cut to keep looking after their kids when one of them lost their job, stayed overnight while the parents had to travel for over a week, even taking their dog to the hospital on multiple occasions. but tonight i had enough...i don’t know what it was, but i just snapped.. i told the youngest daughter (let’s call her jane), 10, to go put on long pants for practice since it’s cold outside. her response was to throw herself on the ground, scream and cry, “we’re practicing inside!!!” i told her that even if it was indoors, the building isn’t heated so it would most likely still be cold. she then went to her dad (who was working from home today but still needed me to run the girls to practice, help with homework and cook) and started sobbing hysterically, yelling “u/tiinypenguin keeps telling me to put on pants!! i don’t want to!!” the dad comes in the kitchen where i was making dinner and asks, “why does jane need to wear long pants?” i told him it’s cold outside and it’s forecasted to rain tonight + the temps dipping. he kept saying, “well the practice is indoors.” to which jane replies to sticking her tongue out at me and screaming “i told you!!” the oldest daughter, 13, was explaining to her dad that the building does get cold. she was just trying to help me out, which i appreciated so much. but the dad kept telling me there was no reason and i could leave and he’d take the girls to practice. maybe i’m being overemotional and sensitive but i got in my car and started crying. i expected the other adult to be there and have my back and understand. instead he made me look like a fucking idiot and allowed the youngest to get away with her disrespectful tantrum. the youngest one has a habit of doing these things. i’ve tried to just handle her behavior the best i can, but after years of the same shit i’m kind of just fed up. i don’t see why the dad couldn’t have understood i was doing what was best for her, not wanting her to go out in the cold. even if the practice was indoors, you just never know. i’ve had enough and i’m contemplating quitting on friday after getting my paycheck. the mom works all next week and needs someone to watch the kids but at this point, i don’t even care anymore about their wants and needs. i’m not under a contract with them, i didn’t make any promises. | nta | nta. the fact the dad didn’t put his foot down towards his kid and tell her to stop is bs. she’s a child and now she’ll think she can get away with it because her dad took her side. you took a pay cut after one of them lost their job, which you didn’t have to and could’ve found another job but stayed for them says a lot. yet the parents don’t want to give you the decency as the other adult taking care of their kids to tell the youngest to respect you? | nta, find yourself another job first. you should've quit when they asked you to take a pay cut. but you were being nice, that proves you aren't an asshole. find yourself another job first, then quit. | 12 |
9v5aup | aita for choosing a game i’ve been wanting to play over going to a friends house for a week? | let me give some context, around 2 months ago, i pre-ordered fallout76. a week from today, it releases. the weekend it releases is also the weekend my friend and i dont have school for 3 days. now, obviously i should be going to my friends house cause i could just play the game after the week i’m at his house. nope, i have shit internet and the game is unplayable because of that. during the week that i would’ve gone to his house, i chose to go to my moms house where i can play the game, and get to see her (only see her 2 times a month). my friend was not happy about this, saying i could wait the extra 2 weeks to play a game ive been waiting 2 months to play. but i had none of it and still plan on going to my moms. tl;dr pre-ordered a game 2 months ago, game comes out next week, but also a friend and i are off school that week. i choose to play the game over going to his house. additional information: i go to his house every other weekend. so i go to my moms for a weekend, then next weekend i go to his house, repeat. am i being an asshole about this? | nta | nta, especially if you made your anticipation for the game clear. it sounds like you guys hang out very often/every weekend or something. your friend is just upset that for this particular weekend, you wanted to spend time playing a video game. | nta, but your friend should still be allowed to be a little upset | 1 |
9v5aut | aita for reporting a customer to my manager for child abuse? | i work at a grocery store, and i see a variety of customers. today i saw a woman with two young kids. from what i saw, it looked like she was grabbing her daughter by the wirst, and pushing it in. the kid was crying, sounded like she was in pain, and the mom was just walking around the store dragging her kid like this. when the mom finally let go, the kid started looking at her wrist, holding it close to her, and crying. here's where the questionable part comes in. i only took a quick look at how she was holding the kid, i didn't want to risk starring at her hand and pissing her off, making her hurt the kid more. i'm not certain that she was actually holding her kid like that, i know that kids cry for no reason, and i know that some parents hold their kid by the wrist so they don't run off. i just didn't want to take a chance with what i thought i saw, so i told my manager. an i the asshole for reporting this without being 100 percent sure she was actually hurting the kid? | nta | nta. i have a kid, yeah they can cry for no reason. but you don't drag your kid by the wrist, especially crying. i think you did good, better safe then sorry. they might actually have been abused, you never know. you're not even remotely an asshole | nta. if you saw the little girl holding her arm like it was hurt than it is better to be safe than sorry if you got the genuine feeling that something was wrong. if nothing was up, worst that could happen would be someone asking questions and not finding any evidence of abuse or hurting the kid. at the very least maybe the mom realized dragging her kid around a store by the wrist is asshole behavior. | 5 |
9v5pyw | aita for re-cleaning what my wife just cleaned? | in my household, i am typically the cook and cleaner. this is mostly by choice though, as i enjoy cooking and don’t hate cleaning. also, my wife isn’t the most thorough cleaner. this isn’t usually a big deal, as i take charge of the cleaning most of the time. we have gotten into small arguments in the past about it. if she cleans the bathroom, she will wipe the mirror with a damp rag leaking streaks all over it. i will then tell her that windex works better. she goes off “i’m not an idiot, i know how to clean”, i feel bad, we move on. tonight, i cooked diner for me and my wife. nothing special (tacos) but it made a small mess of the kitchen. i clean up after myself as i cook typically, so it wasn’t a big mess, mostly just the grease splatter on the stove top and bits of food here and there. after we enjoy the meal, my wife tells me that she will clean up since i cooked. i tell her not to worry and that i don’t mind doing it. she insist though, so i stay seated and let her. after she’s done, i bring my glass that i was drinking out of to the sink. the kitchen is pretty much just as i expected. hunks of salsa still on the counter tops, grease streaks all over the stove top, and crumbs of tortillas in the corners. pretty much just as dirty, just smeared around and thinned out a bit. i wash my glass, and use the soapy sponge to start cleaning the still dirty kitchen. she comes in and reacts pretty negatively. “what, it wasn’t good enough the way i did it? i tried being nice and you don’t appreciate it”. i tell her that i do appreciate it, and that i just saw a few little things i wanted to touch up. i don’t want to sound condescending, but when you’re explaining something as simple as cleaning a counter to an adult, it’s hard not to sound condescending. i know it looks unappreciative, but it needed to get cleaned. if i waited longer, the gunk was just going to dry and be that much harder to clean when i did it in the morning. i wasn’t going to say anything to her about it, i was just going to do it myself and get on with my night. this is exactly why i usually insist that i will clean and get it all done myself. am i the asshole? | nta | nta. people that think this is ocd are wrong - i'd lose my mind if i had to wake up to a crusty, dirty kitchen. better now then later, it's just good habits. you didn't have a panic attack or even make a big deal about it, you're fine! | definitely nta. i think maybe you should sit down and have a respectful conversation with her about your individual definitions of "clean" and how you can better split the labor between the two of you. i'm about to fully move in with my current so, and i wonder if i'll have this problem sometimes. my definition of "clean" seems a little different than theirs, but it could just be that they don't clean much right now because i prefer to do it. definitely nta, but it's something you need to talk about if it's producing stress. | 31 |
9v629h | aita for asking a woman what a labia is? | two weeks ago i was visiting my cousin in philly and we went out to a real waterhole. my cousin started telling me a story when he went out to a beer garden and this girl started peeing right in front of him. “ her labia was staring right at me” “ what is a labia” i asked him. he wouldn’t tell me so i asked a female and she walked away. next thing i know her 350 lb java the hut looking boyfriend is about to hyperventilate over the fact and starts yelling at me. i am not a pussy, so i start talking back and my boys had my back. my cousin told me he likes the bar so we went to the opposite side of the bar. then an hour later the chick comes to my side of the bar with a bouncer . “man, stop asking chicks about their labia and shit. i don’t have time for this shit” am i an asshole or did she freak out? | yta | yta. you are old enough to drink, but you (1) don't know basic sex ed and (2) aren't able to google things? | yes, yes yta. your cousin told you an *obviousely* crude story. anything he said there was, most likely, not something you'd use as conversaation starter with a stranger. its basic social awareness to realise that. anyway, you did not employ basic social awareness. asked a pretty perplexing and rude ( because, who asks that?) question of a strange girl in a bar, then probably acted pretty aggressive in a yelling match with her boyfriend. you also are the asshole for sounding like a ferengi ( "a female" ). and for making rude comparisons you cannot even spell right ( it's jabba the hutt). | 2 |
9v67pn | wibta if i asked a girl she was transgender? | to start off... i'm a heterosexual male into heterosexual/bisexual females, i have nothing against transgendered people but i am not sexually attracted to them. i matched with a girl on tinder a couple nights ago, got her number pretty quickly and hit it off well. we were talking about a lot of stuff, i mentioned i played video games, she said she did too, got her steam username. quick interjection: when she (tinder girl) gave me her steam username she said it was from her ex-girlfriend but she (tinder girl) kept the account. i assumed she was bisexual at this point. i went to go add her and decided to google her username too to see where else it might pop up. found some hits on deviantart. eventually found a link to her tumblr, active like a year ago. she put she was "m" in her bio. also found her insta, posts from a year or two ago are all about trans awareness, non-binary, referring to herself as a "demiboy". i mean i guess i'm just asking the internet for confirmation at this point but she's transgender, right? she never explicitly stated it in her tinder profile anywhere, which i've seen many transgendered people do before. | nta | nta, if you foresee an intimate relationship you have a right to know what you're getting into. the part that could make you an asshole is if you were rude about it or treated her differently (excluding not continuing to pursue a romantic/sexual relationship). | nta. it's a relevant question nowadays and you have the right to lay ground rules and vet out partners. | 11 |
9v68ok | aita for not giving people attention | so i don't acknowledge people, at work i do not talk to anyone, must of had 5 conversations in 2 years there, i just walk on by people unless it is work related, don't even look at them unless we need to do something together, i don't acknowledge or validate them, it all feels fake and i just can't pretend, so i don't. listening to them all talk and pretend to love and care about eachother for the sake of making work easier. i do my work and leave, over time they have learned to ignore me, and i don't have to fake my smile, and give them attention or be part of the parade. which is fine because it is not real anyway, i don't care about them, at least i admit it and don't fake like the rest of them, yet that makes me the enemy and the wrong one out of all of them?. why should i.. i have made myself an outcast, i do not entertain them with forces niceties, i don't have it within me. if a bit cold hearted at least i feel truly honest and not the one wearing a mask. edited some extra words | nta | nta. you keep doing you. they don’t want to talk to you either. | nta i guess, but you sound like a sourpuss. | 1 |
9v6b3x | aita for being offended by my friends saying i’m cheating at my art? | so i am planning on writing and drawing my own comic i want it to be fairly realistic in full color with painted backgrounds possibly some parts even being animated, it’s gonna be a bitch to make. so i came up with the idea of sculpting pose able models of my characters out of clay so that i could take pictures of them in hard to draw angles and poses to save time. the first one i made took around 3 months it was extremely hard but all together i’m very happy with it especially the face which was the hardest part. i had never sculpted anything before so i was pretty proud of myself and showed my friends and told them my plan and they said i would be cheating if i took pictures of my own handmade model and traced it for my comic. also one of the friends who said this is an artist too who regularly traces other people’s art for collages or other things she won’t lie if you ask her if it’s traced but she tells people she ‘made’ it but is careful to avoid the word “drew”. i was very hurt when my friends said this and i told them that and they were very annoyed with me and told me they were just being honest and i would be cheating if i followed through with my plan. which i personally feel is like telling a 3d animator they are cheating because they didn’t draw every single one of their frames but instead made models. what do you guys think? tldr: my friends said i would be cheating if i traced my own handmade model of my characters for my comic book which i made to save time drawing hard to draw angles and poses. | nta | nta coming from a fellow artist you're probably a genius! the model is still a form of art and you made it, so you can do what ever you damn well please with it. | nta, many artists use reference photos. even if you were to actually trace the shots, why tf would they care? be creative and make your comic how you want to. and find more supportive, less asshole friends. | 64 |
9v6dbh | aita if i'm getting pissed off that my roomate doesn't close the door when he goes to pee | me and my college roomate who have been friends for 9 years recently got into a dispute. for some reason, he always pees with the door open. (our room has a personal bathroom) i personally this is nasty as hell as i don't want to accidentally walk in seeing his dick. not to my surprise i walk into our room and see him taking a piss through the bathroom mirror. thankfully i didn't see anything but i got pissed off and told to start closing the door. he's telling me i'm overreacting. aita? | nta | nta, he should respect that you live their too, and that your opinion should be factored into his behaviour. | nta. this isn't even you being an asshole, it's him lacking basic common sense. | 5 |
9v6ge0 | aita for not wanting to get in an ill-begotten car with my college girlfriend. | a little bit of context: my senior gf in college was recently given a car by her parents. we both go to an expensive north east private college, and we both have our rent and tuition paid for by our parents. that's fine, right? well, the issue is her grades are **low**... **low** to the point where she might not graduate, and **low** to the point that if most people had those grades, they'd get sent home with a bus pass and an invitation to their local job fair. i told her that i can't get in the car with her because i feel like she hasn't earned it. more or less, i don't want to reward her for low grades. normally, i wouldn't give a shit. but she is my gf, so naturally, i want the best for her. so it hurts to see her squander all the advantages she has. given that she doesn't have to worry about money or scholarships also, because of *ferpa* i doubt her parents know her grades, and i also doubt her parents would have given her that car if they did know. so am i overreacting and do i look whiny and jealous? or are my concerns legitimate? curious to see what you guys think | yta | yta. unless her parents told her that the car was a gift for all of her hard work and all of the long hours studying that she puts in, the car and her grades are two separate things. you can’t know they wouldn’t have given her the car if they knew about her grades, and referring to it as “ill begotten” makes it sound like she’s misrepresenting herself as a scholastic success. of course, if that’s the case, and she’s actively lying about her grades to get a car, then that’s a whole other situation, and you would be nta. | yta. ultimately her grades are her business, and anything given to her from her parents is up to their relationship, which is not something you have a direct say in. it's also not your job to parent your full-grown girlfriend, you can look out for her yes, but it's not on you to punish/reward her. | 3 |
9v6k7e | aita for thinking a vet going shopping in a full uniform may be looking for attention? | i realize remembrance day is coming up and while i think it’s incredible important we consider those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, i’m also someone who despises war and therefore am probably biased. i can’t help but think there are some people that are out there that seek attention by going out in uniform, begging for special treatment because they’re vets, etc. obviously you can’t paint such a large picture with a single brush but the thought of that makes me cringe. is it that hard to bring a change of clothes with you if you’re attending an event or something? is there something i’m not considering? am i just an asshole? | nta | nta unless you made a scene about it, just uninformed. that kind of uniform is often the required attire for those military members when active duty and off base. my high school was near a coast guard outpost and we'd see a few of them in uniform picking up lunch every day. it's kinda like seeing a nurse in scrubs waiting in line at subway. they're not trying to rub it in your face; they're just trying to live their life. now if you see a guy going grocery shopping in his dress uniform, something's out of place. | prior service, nta. i hate it as well. true service is service that goes unnoticed | 42 |
9v6ktp | aita for telling my daughter to punch another kid? | my daughter is 5. she has been taking a martial arts class for a couple of years to help with her confidence. she is also extremely little for her age. she is very petite and short. she was not premature, that's just how some women in my family are. to put it in perspective, we had to have her school uniform custom made because they don't sell any in her size, and she fits pants typically worn by 12 month old children. she is being bullied at school by one particular child about her size. he is older than her by 2 years. he will push her over which is very easy due to her size, she often comes home with bruises on her legs and arms from him. he calls her names like midget and baby. she is rather sensitive and is very upset by this. they have swimming lessons at school and last week he flushed her swimming goggles down the boys toilet. i informed the school that i was unhappy with what had been taking place, and asked for the boys parents to replace the goggles. i also asked for an apology letter from the boy. nothing has happened. he also continues to push her, and has kicked her on more than one occasion. i keep reporting the incidents to the school but nothing seems to be happening. i told my daughter to tell the boy 'i might have a small body but i have a big brain. you have a big body but if you bully people then you have a small brain.' she insists that isn't nice and even if he's mean to her then she shouldn't be mean back. my biggest concern is if she doesn't stand up for herself in any way then she will remain a target, some of the boys friends have already started making mean comments to her. after her martial arts class i asked her what they do when an 'attacker' tries to hurt them. she told me lots of ways she knows how to get out of hold or punch etc. i then told her that the boy who is bullying her is an attacker. he hurts her. i told her if he tries to push her or hurt her again it's ok to punch him to defend herself. my husband overheard and thinks i'm over reacting and that she will get in trouble. he thinks i should let the school deal with it and that i am being unreasonable. he says boys pick on girls they like but i find that to be unacceptable. am i the asshole? tl/dr: aita for encouraging my daughter to defend herself using her martial arts when she is being consistantly bullied by an older kid? | nta | nta, but if she does punch him for picking on her and gets in trouble, take her out for a nice big sundae and tell her she did the right thing standing up for herself. | the boy is physically pushing her over and giving her bruises. you're telling her that she can defend herself. nta. >he says boys pick on girls they like basically what's happening is the kid version of domestic violence. is that what your husband wants for his daughter? | 49 |
9v6o7l | wibta if i cut ties with my biological family? | throwaway because i will be discussing what's essentially my life story. ​ i’m 25 now. growing up, my mother worked while my father stayed at home. even though my father was at home, i cooked and cleaned for myself as long as i can remember. we lived on the country-side for a while where i thought our level of poverty (150% below the poverty line) was pretty standard. there was usually enough to eat, only yelled at and hit when i maybe deserved it (they weren’t able to logically reason how to properly punish a child) but all-in-all, i think i had a good, adventurous, childhood. when we moved to the city when i was 13, i got a paper route and started to pay for things like christmas presents, and food and clothing for myself. we moved again when i was 15 to a good school district where i met a family (the smiths) who had me over for dinner almost nightly and encouraged me to join extracurricular activities and to think about college. a year later, it was time to move again. my mother said my brother (18 y/o) was able to pay rent and because they were moving into a two-bedroom apartment, i would have to sleep in the living room. as a 16-year-old teenager, this was devastating. that night at dinner with the smiths, i told them the situation and they were taken aback. after they spoke privately, they invited me to live with them in order to finish my high school education in the school district. my father didn’t seem to care, and my mother was initially upset that “this fancy family was stealing me away.” i asked if i would ever be able to get my own room and they said no and maybe staying with the smiths was for the best. that night, they released my cat outside and said i could leave whenever. (i later found my cat and the smiths let me take her with). that semester, i moved in and felt like i had support, love, and structure for the first time in my life. it was wonderful. my mother seemed to only call me once every month or so and i only heard from the other members of my family very rarely. i attended college and am finishing up my doctor of physical therapy degree this may. during my college career, my mother would only call every few months to ramble about herself or to ask a medical or financial-related question. they didn’t contribute to my college education besides letting me fill out their taxes so i was able to get the education-credit. additionally, i was on her insurance plan for 1 year before affording my own. i still feel so much resentment for them not trying to fight for me, and yet constantly weigh that against them knowing the smiths were able to take better care of me. i kept in contact with my parents, but i feel like my real family are the smiths. they’re always checking in, they still have my bedroom for whenever i come home, they treat me like one of their own. now, the last time i saw my mother, she was displaying some mild cognitive decline as well as some motor impairments that may suggest early-onset parkinson’s disease. i asked her if she still sees her primary care provider, which she does, and i implored her to schedule a physical. at this point, i realize i may be responsible for her when she eventually gets too old or sick to work. my brother lives close to their home, but he has two young children he is providing for. i know it’s only a matter of time before she starts asking me to “lend” her money. am i the asshole for wanting to cut my ties with her completely in order to save myself time and money later on? ​ i would love to gain the perspective of parents and older adults, especially. | nta | nta. they low-key gave you up. it could have been a kindness because they knew you’d be better off, like yelling at the dog to go away then shedding a tear when he does. it didn’t sound that way. blood is blood - powers the body and shit. that’s all - time, care, love and effort are what bonds you. that’s what drives “family”, not a name or a jawline. the smiths are your family. they made sure you knew that. *from an another perspective, there’s a chance your parents were essentially hamstrung by their circumstances so severely that they couldn’t fulfill that role and so maybe you’re nta per se but could choose (because you can) to be better to them/your mom than they were...but then, what i imagine is required to make a child feel loved and cared for is so small...it’s hard to imagine it being too much to ask for as often as it seems. | nta. i’m sorry i cannot provide for you the perspective of a parent or older adult, but i can provide for you a perspective of a once-child abandoned by a parent without a second thought. when they show that they don’t care, that’s something that hurts. it hurts for a long goddamn time. you cannot be expected to help people who couldn’t have seemingly given less of a shit about you. when they don’t try, why would you actively want to try? you can be the bigger person, but that is a double-edged sword, i fear. you can be the bigger person, but that may lead to you being a doormat to your mother and your family. you don’t deserve to be used. don’t allow yourself to be walked all over now, when you’ve got a family who truly cares for you and you’re making a good living for yourself. i trust you to weigh out both choices. if you cut your family off, you’re not the asshole in my eyes. | 1 |
9v6yh6 | aita for pulling the "it's my birthday" card when asking people if they want to hang out this weekend? | so, a couple of weeks ago, i and my group of friends (who might not actually see me as a friend, i fear) were talking and i brought up that my birthday was coming up and i would like to do some things in asheville with them. bar hopping and walking around mostly. fast forward to this week: i text one of the friends, asking if he's still available to hang out this saturday, for my birthday. he say's "that was this weekend?" and then says that he's doing something in asheville that day, but he'd be free for the night. i worry, because i feel i haven't been clear in my planning and they see me as being that friend who is always wanting to hang out when they're busy. i text my next friend and ask the same. he says that he's going to an art show. i ask him if he would like to do something after, for my birthday, reminding him that we talked about it a few weeks ago. he hasn't responded to the text. ​ am i an asshole for using the "it's my birthday" card? i hate the feeling when i do shit like that, i feel pathetic and it brings me back to high school where nobody wanted to hang out with me unless it was for something like a birthday dinner or something that makes me want to cry just thinking about. | nta | nothing wrong with asking. nta. | nta. its not like you dropped this on them at the last minute. they had at least two weeks notice. i hate to say it, but they may not want to hang out with you. | 2 |
9v7kyl | aita for telling an annoying person to go away | a girl at my school continues to be annoying, even though i constantly tell her to go away. by annoying, i mean calling me her boyfriend, following me during recess, stuff like that. aita for telling her to leave me alone constantly? sometimes i feel guilty, sometimes i don't. | nta | nta, you are allowed to have your own boundaries and stuff and you aren’t an asshole for making them clear to the people around you. you should’t feel guilty about it. | nta. you’ve been clear; and nothing gives her the right to continue harassing you. | 4 |
9v7lxf | aita for not wanting to pitch in money for a party at work. | a coworker i hardly know is leaving the company and another co worker wants everyone to pitch in money to get food on his last day. i do not plan to eat because i am dieting and trying to lose weight and the food they are ordering is unhealthy so i will be taking no part in it. i told my other co worker this but she still keeps insisting i pitch in. aita? | nta | nta flip them a quarter and call it good. you are under no obligation to chip in for a meal for someone who is not even going to be there soon. maybe you’re breaking some company social/culture norm, but imo, who cares, especially if you are not going to eat it. are you planning on hanging out during this team lunch thing or going to go do your own thing? and this probably goes without saying, don’t expect anything like this for you when you leave the company | nta. your finances are your finances to spend how you wish. firm no to her, she is an asshole. | 4 |
9v7u44 | aita for turning down a date with a girl solely because she's deaf? | back story: i was asked out by a friend of my neighbors, who are also deaf but can communicate with me pretty well. i turned her down respectfully saying sorry but i'm not interested solely because she is deaf and while she can read lips, i have a hard time understanding her. i feel like because of this a relationship isn't a grand idea. so, aita? | nta | nta. provided you were respectful. you shouldn't feel obligated to fancy anyone. it's still sad that so many people feel that way though. if you want to feel better about it (which i assume is what your post is about) or even educate yourself a bit you should watch hannah wittons youtube talk about sexuality, relationships and disability. it's very educational and very funny. | nta. you are allowed to turn down anybody for ssny reason. if you think you guys could not comunicate well it is understandable if you turned her down. that said: getting used to the way a deaf person speaks is similar to getting used to other heavy accents and should happen over time with continued exposure. thus, just becausd you have problems understanding her now does *not* mean it would be a problem in a long term relationship.- so, while your reason is understandable, if you like the girl otherwise you may end up throwing away a chance for somwthing good based on a percieved problem which could turn out to be trivial in the long run. | 5 |
9v7wnj | aita for not paying for my friend's concert ticket and ditching him | backstory, my friend and i have been close for a long time, since we were kids. after we graduated from high school we both went to our local college. i ended graduating but he ended up dropping out. now my career isnt the most well paying job but it is a career i enjoy. while my friend now has been jumping from job to job, going through periods of unemployment. he does not have his own car so every now and again he asks me for rides and normally i say yes unless i'm working or busy. one time when he asked me to drive him about 3 hours to go pick up his lady friend. after awhile i reluctantly said yes but on the condition that he pays for the gas. he agrees and we head out on our way. note that my job doesn't pay very well so taking a 3 hour drive with no benefit for me isnt in my budget. long story short he "forgot" his wallet so ended up paying for the trip and it took him almost a year to pay me back. and of course this made me very angry because the trip put me in a hole. fast forward to just the other day, me and couple of my other friends plan to go see a concert. my "forgetful" friend also says that he wants to go and we were all okay with it on the condition that he "pays for his own ticket" we all order our tickets online but my friend insists on paying at the door. we all knew where this was going. so we tell him again that none of us were going to pay for his ticket and that we not pay for him if he came up short. its the day of the concert and we part ways with my friend so he can buy his ticket while we stand line to get in to the show. 5 minutes later he comes back and says the magic words "i forgot my wallet". "well sorry, we told you that none of us would pay if you didn't have the money" he goes on for about 30 minutes begging for us to cover for him and that he would pay us back, but we all stood our ground. of course he's not happy about it but hey i could barely afford the ticket myself. so we end up leaving him outside for the whole 5 hour show and he wasn't happy. but the show was great though. i've talked to him since then but he's still mad about it. aita for ditching my friend and not paying for his ticket? | nta | nta. you made it clear that you wouldn't pay for him, and you didn't let him take advantage of you | nta. your friend should grow the fuck up. | 69 |
9v83lf | aita for wanting my fiancé to see me without a mustache before we’re married? | like it sounds i’ve had a mustache for the last five years or so, and this is how i looked when my fiancé first met me. but she really doesn’t want me to shave it off. i feel like she ought to see my face before she says i do. i would let it grow back after the initial shave and t wouldn’t take long to come back. she is still with me at the moment, it’s more funny than anything. i almost don’t recognize my upper lip. just for a reference, before and after photos: | nta | nta - i can completely empathize with this. my stache grew in at 14-15 or so... now, at 42 almost 43, the only time i have been without it is for the 8 weeks or so at basic training when it had to be gone and the time for it to grow back in tech school. no one has any reliable memories of me stache-less. but, should some reason cause me to want or need to shave it off, i would like to think it would not inexorably alter me... but i would like those who do know me to not wonder who my not-evil twin is. | nta. i have seen a lot of comments about how close the wedding is... if it's far off, then go for it. my bf has a beard and i've seen photos of him without it. whether or not he shaves it is not my concern. i had an issue like this with my previous so - he didnt want me to cut my hair. at all. we had a whole fight because me taking control of my own hairstyle was "making me look like the gay version of my brother". (that's what he said, yall.) if she's worried about wedding plans, maybe let her see some school photos for now, and shave later. it'll grow back. if she's talking about not being able to love you stache-less, then that's a bit deep and needs to be explored. | 7,291 |
9v85ak | aita because i told the brother of my long distance gf that she’s been drinking and driving? | in the past thirty days, my girlfriend has either driven home drunk or has attempted to three times. once successfully with a car full of friends, another time she was stopped by her brother, and again two nights ago before her friend told her to stay at her house instead. we maintain a long distance relationship which makes it easy for her to ignore me when i try to talk to her about this. i get upset that she could be so careless, and since she feels like i’m lecturing her, she hangs up. realizing that i am not being taken seriously, i decided two nights ago to tell her brother about it all, in hopes that she’ll listen to him. when she discovered what i did, she became furious, telling me it wasn’t my place, and saying that i’m overreacting and that she knows her limits and that she felt fine to drive each time. i had a zero tolerance policy on this, since she lives in a major city and uber is so readily available, and i have offered to pay for her uber every time she needs it rather than her risk the drive. am i the asshole here? | nta | nta, but you being with her still with a "zero tolerence" policy for drunk driving makes me think you need to revisit your relationship goals. | nta. she is consistently putting herself and others in danger, and ignoring your offers for free uber rides. she honestly sounds like she might be alcoholic or a problem drinker. | 7 |
9v8dho | wibta for telling my friend to smoke less of my weed? | sorry i’m doing this on mobile so please forgive any autocorrect or formatting errors. my best friend and i smoke together a lot. for the last year, i have always been the one to buy for the two of us because i’m the only one with a job and i come from a rich family while he is lower middle class and a college student too. in august, i basically got him a job at my work and made sure he is getting paid well (almost as much as me even though i’ve been working there for 2 years). everyday he smokes at least a $30 worth of weed and never pays for any of it. i also buy him food and drive him places because he cant drive. i feel like i’m justified to tell him off but he is my best friend and i don’t want to hurt our relationship. my other friends i share the weed with at least pay me for part of it or buy me other stuff if i ask for anything (like a sandwich and a drink or whatever.) | nta | nta, though based on your other replies it sounds like he may not be one either. since this has been your routine for a while and it’s never been his responsibility it’s possible that he just doesn’t really think about it (like he probably doesn’t notice the frequency and cost to the same degree that you do because he’s never been on the hook for the bill on a regular basis). i’d just let him know how much you spend on it weekly or monthly and that you’re trying to save, then ask if you can go half in together on future buys, or alternate buys, or something like that. if he’s a nice guy like you say this should really be a pretty easy conversation. if he’s rude about it or refuses to see your side then he’s probably the asshole. | nta i don’t even see why you’re letting him smoke for free especially if he has a job. i also smoke and the only times i let my friends smoke for “free” is if they’re gonna let me smoke for free the next time | 12 |
9v8jzz | aita for having a hypothetical conversation about 9/11? | i’m a new yorker. i’ve had many friends who have lost loved ones to the terrorist attacks on 9/11. i was engaged in a conversation with an ex-nypd officer about retaliation on muslim nations and i said that at the time when i was11 years old i would support a retaliatory bombing but now i realize that the civilian loss of those who weren’t involved wouldn’t make it just. i was berated by a guy at the bar, and i asked if he had lost someone on 9/11 because my perspective was hypothetical since i did not. he continued to tell me to go home and called me an asshole and i thought that maybe i wasn’t being empathetic... since us nyers take 9/11 very seriously... idk i just walked away and went home... | nta | nta. in fact by simply walking away you showed admirable maturity. | nta. it's hard to ask people to look past their emotions but you have to, if you make decisions clouded by strong emotions, more often than not those decisions will be damaging. | 4 |
9v8uty | wibta if i told my baby's father his name ideas are idiotic | i'm pregnant, me and my boyfriend have been thinking of baby names. i gave him this whole speech because we broke up and we were on a break while i found out. i said that i really want him to be apart of the baby's life and all of this. we already decided he could choose the name while i choose the middle name. then, he came up with 'neko', i already didn't really like it. but, then he explained it means cat and he got it from an anime. i just really think it's idiotic but he's a fragile guy and i don't want to hurt his feelings. would i be the asshole if i told him that it's stupid? | nta | i think you'd be doing your kid a favour by making sure he doesn't end up with an idiotic name. i think you need to change your agreement so that either you choose or you have to both agree, assuming things are all amicable still. nta. it's stupid. | yeah, if i were called neko, i would be disappointed in my parents. nta | 84 |
9v8wei | aita for refusing to let the father of my child get involved if he refuses to pay child support ? | this is a throw away account. i told my ex if he is not willing to pitch in his share financially, he cannot see our child. he makes twice as i do. he still pursues his hobbies. i've pretty much given up mine to make ends meet. and no, neither me nor my son are citizens of a country or residing in a country that recognizes or will implement co-parenting - the legal system where we are, are pretty much not in favor of it, actually. but neither is child support legally enforceable. i don't live in the us or canada or any western country that has modern family laws. if the city hall finds out the father is involved, i will no longer be eligible for child support/child benefits and my ''points'' will decrease which can make me ineligible for subsidized kindergarten and child welfare. | nta | nta. it sounds as though he wants the benefits of being a father without the responsibility. | nta. you have every right to ask for financial support from him for your kid. he’s the father and he needs to put in the work just like you do. from what you’re saying he’s financially capable of putting in his part, so he’s the asshole if he just wants to see the kid whenever but not help financially. kids aren’t cheap. talk to him and let him know he’s more than welcome to see your kid if he’s gonna step up and be a full parent, which includes financial support. | 51 |
9v94dk | aita for having sex with my gf in my mom's house if i don't have anywhere else to do it even though she told me not to do so? | the title says it all. we both are 19 and we don't have our own places, i usually spend one week in my mom's house and the next one in my dad's (they're divorced) and so on. my dad is always at home because he works from there and i can't just ask him to leave just so we can have sex confortably. the same applies to my gf's house with the extra difficulty that she lives and hour and a half away from my home, and we only can have sex during the morning because at the afternoon we both have to go to university. it's not easy nor possible to do it in her house, she doesn't even have the keys for her house. the only valid option is my mom's house because during the morning the house is empty and we both can enjoy ourselves confortably without annoying anyone, but she once said she didn't want my brother and i to have sex in her house (she didn't gave any reason, she doens't want to, period). she still doesn't know we already have sex there, we also sneak into her house (i'm allowed to enter when i'm living in my dad's house, i have keys) to do the job and then we let everything clean like it was before we entered. my gf and i can't have sex that often, maybe twice or three times per month, once per week if we are pretty lucky, so we have to plan the day we will do it in advance. we don't really have any other alternative for now and i'd say sex is a pretty important part in our relationship. aita? | yta | her house her rules. yta. not gonna lie, if i was your age i'd still do it regardless of what she says and make sure it's spotless after, but i'd still be an asshole. if that really matters to you, just don't do it. it's not your house. | ~~nta. clean up properly when you’re done, don’t stain or damage anything. what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her and you’re just kids having fun.~~ yta. edit2: so it’s your residence as well. i don’t buy “my house my rules”, if you’re a resident there then you have rights too. even if you’re not paying rent, it’s way too simplistic to say you’re nothing more than a guest. nta. | 10 |
9v9fl7 | aita for liking a tweet that upset my friend? | for a bit of backstory, i live in the uk where the age of consent is 16. my (hopefully still) friend (18m) is dating a girl (15f). at first i had a big problem with this but eventually decided to move on and accept it as i truly love and care about my friend and would rather be his friend than lose him to this. there hasn’t been any issues regarding this for a while until yesterday. so the other day i saw a tweet from someone that said something along the lines of “if you’re 18+ and you want to date someone aged 14-16, please do as long as you treat them well”. someone responded to this tweet saying “if you’re 18+ and you’re dating someone aged 14-16, you need serious help.” now i must say that i genuinely didn’t even think about my friend at all when i saw this tweet and just thought it was a funny snarky response to what was kind of a ridiculous tweet. so i liked it. i liked the tweet. not even thinking and probably at like 1 am while scrolling through hundreds of tweets but i still liked it. that brings us to yesterday, when my friend sent me a screenshot of me liking the tweet saying “cool” and hasn’t responded to any of my messages or spoken to me since. his girlfriend also messaged me calling me and asshole and saying that it really hurts to see someone she “used to be friends with” liking a tweet that basically calls her boyfriend a pedo. now i know that liking the tweet was a stupid thing to do and i should have made the connection in my head beforehand, but is his reaction really warranted? i think this has effected me more because i’ve lost a lot of friends already this year due to some unfortunate events that were mostly out of my control. so i just don’t want to lose another friend due to something as trivial as liking a tweet. i’ve apologised sincerely and told them both that i never meant to upset them and that it was an honest mistake but they’re ignoring me. do i just have to suck it up and lose another friend, or is there something i can do about this? and of course, am i the asshole? | nta | nta what he's doing is pretty damn weird. but his reaction is warranted **from his perspective**, not any normal person's. he still shouldn't be dating a 15 year old. if he doesn't forgive you, fuck it. also i'm thinking it's a bit too early into the year to assume there's any way this guy is still in highschool right? | i know this won't be massively popular: you're nta but you should review your friendship. you clearly don't think too well of him, and you demonstrated it. if you really mean it - suck it up, otherwise apologize (and don't just apologize that you upset them. this just gives the impression that you still think the same thing but won't talk about it. i wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thinks there is something seriously wrong with me and i need help) one thing everyone needs to know is that age of consent and what is considered a child is largely a cultural thing. where i come from the age of consent is 14, while granting special protection if one partner is over 21 and the other between 14-15. above 16 it's okay (largely). 15 and 18 is entirely fine here and there is no law against that and practically no one would bat an eye. (this would be different of course if their physical development is extremely different or the age gap is a lot bigger). i don't get why people call him a pedo and her a child. these are teenagers. where do you draw the line? is 16+18 fine? is 15+16 fine? would it be fine if he is 17 but turns 18 in a few weeks? it's not that easy. hence we don't punish consensual teenage relationships (even if sexual) unless there is a serious reason to do so. ​ if you find that he exploits the age difference or he coerces her to do things or this would be a different story, but you didn't indicate that. | 12 |
9v9lw9 | aita for losing patience about my long distance relationship | i'm in a long distance relationship for 5 years. we (f39, m49) live on different continents with plans to eventually live together. until then, we only meet once a year and spend a few weeks either at my place or his place. so far, in those 5 years, we've never been able to make love because of his ed. he is also overweight (6', 300+lbs) i love him and i'm attracted to him, but i feel he should lose weight to be healthier and it would possibly help with his ed. (he says he loves me and is attracted to me too) we nearly broke up a few months ago when i brought this up and told him it affects our relationship. up to that point i was nothing but supportive, loving and patient. but it's very hard for me to stay that way when i feel he is not doing everything he could to address this problem. when i ask him if he's working out or going out for a daily walk, his reply is he's not in the mood, feeling lazy... his only "solution" was to get prescription viagra/cialis... every year, he's had different pills and none of them worked. even his doctor told him losing weight would help and yet in 5 years nothing changed. if anything, he is heavier now than ever. aita for thinking about ending this relationship? ​ \*marked nsfw just in case.. ​ ​ | nta | nta at all. you have needs just like everyone else and if you’re not happy and your needs aren’t being met then it’s up to you whether you continue or not. maybe sit him down and tell him how you feel in a respectful, but firm manner? | nta. relationships require work. you have to be willing to work. honestly seeing each other once a year would have been a breaking point for me. that is so rough, i'm sorry | 9 |
9v9zph | aita for getting pissed at my neighors for being scared of my dog? | aita: everyday. everyday i see my neighbors. they live one floor below me and i see them everyday, but more importantly, my dog, hatter, sees them everyday. she is the friendliest, most excitable, loving dog i've ever owned. she's a medium sized dog and if you go through my profile you'll find pictures of her. everyday when i walk her and run into my neighbors they let out a shrill gasp, they jump away, they act like she's a monster who just said "boo". just this morning the mother gasped, threw herself out of our path and cowarded. like with her hands over her head..one morning the father of a special needs child saw my dog coming down the stairs, leashed i may add, grabbed his daughter and threw her against a wall out of our path. legit, hard enough that it hurt her. s not even afraid of dogs! everytime we see the child with her (nanny/grandmother?) she claps with delight and pets hat. look, i understand not liking dogs or even being scared of dogs, but this behavior is ridiculous and it serioisly pisses me off. i've lived here for months, i say she's friendly every fucking time you act scared. she's never once barked at you or your family, or really ever since we've moved in. she's never lunged at you or made a move. she walks down the stairs and flicks her old ear at you and if you were interested in petting her she wouldn't say no, she'd even throw in a few face licks. their reaction just pisses me off and it basically ruins our whole walk. if you're scared of dogs, whatever, but don't fucking inflict that fear on your child. don't act like i've just appeared before you in a puff of smoke laughing manically. i'm a girl and her dog, trying to take a walk. | nta | ynta for thinking this, but you should not attempt to dictate how they raise their child. you don't know why they have this reaction, the reasons might be more subtle than you think. when the gran is around, just be nice and encourage the kid by showing her how sweet hat is. you can't control the parents' behaviour or their attitude. so as long as you keep your opinion to yourself and try and be as cordial as possible you are nta. | nta. while i think their reaction is a bit over the top and borderline ridiculous i also have to remind myself that i have no idea where they are coming from. maybe one of them had been attacked in the past. maybe a dog once came at their daughter. maybe they are just overly protective of their child for one reason or another. maybe they are jerks who hate dogs and purposely making such a scene to make you feel bad about having one. hell, maybe they lost a child to a dog in the past. we have no idea and can come up with a large variety of reasons why they react in such a way. and i think that's the big takeaway. whatever their issue is...it's *their* issue. like you said, you're just a girl and her dog going for a walk and if that's all you're doing then you're not an asshole. i totally get why you might be pissed, annoyed, or upset when this happens (i would probably get that way too), but just take a deep breath and remind yourself that their issue to deal with. | 7 |
9va4b0 | aita for being mad that my bf saw my college finance forms? | tldr; my boyfriend accidentally (?) found out my family (and i, by extension) was richer than he thought, i made a comment that didn't help. he got mad/ dejected/ gloomy (?) and i got defensive. aita? my family is comfortable funding my 4 years of overseas university education. the university i'm applying to requires proof of finances for foreign students, usually a letter from the bank stating that my parent has x amount with the bank and can afford my education. i usually keep these documents at home as i'm scared of losing it but i accidentally brought it to school. i took out that file, opened it, realised it was the wrong file, promptly closed it and put it back in my bag. my boyfriend who was beside me noticed the distinct header of the bank's letter head and asked me what that was. i absent mindedly said "ah just some letter from the bank for uni apps". he asked to see it, and i realised what he would be seeing, so i hesitated a bit. he picked up on it and jokingly asked if it's a love letter from some other guy (no malicious intent, it's a running joke). i roll my eyes and hand him the folder and tell him to be careful with it, i need it for applications etc. he looked over it, saw the amount listed in the account and commented something like "wow that's alot". now, i knew my family was comfortable, but i didn't realise we had this much. i was also shocked by that amount when i first saw the letter. so in an effort to be comforting/relatable(?) i said "i know right?" like i was also surprised by that amount. he didn't take well to that, and his mood changed noticeably. i asked him if he's okay, and he said i didn't have to rub it in his face. i got a bit embarrased and annoyed, because i didn't mean for anyone to see those documents, and i tried to back track. he didn't try to communicate anything to me but sit there and gloom with a cloud over his head. i got a bit defensive and told him he asked to see the document in the first place, and what was he expecting anyways? we ignored each other for a while then swept everything under the carpet and pretended it didn't happen (benefits of a hs rs lel). but it's still bugging me. context re bf: his family situation isn't as stable as mine, but for the rs to work out we agreed really early on to go on dates both of us can afford, and i try not to be an obnoxious bitch about where we can/ cannot go. i have no qualms compromising, and i'm happy with things as they are. i avoid bringing up money as i can sense he feels uncomfortable about it | nta | it's so obvious that you're nta in this story that it makes me wonder whether "i got a bit defensive" is a huge understatement. | nta. he shouldn't have been so nosey, what your parents earn does not reflect you personally, just how what his parents earn does not reflect him. he is very insecure and i would be cautious. present earnings does not reflect furtute potential. | 0 |
9vakdp | aita for not wanting to buy all my own toilet paper? | i'm 28f living with my boyfriend 26m for about six months, dating for two years. we're both very independent so living together was a bit of a bumpy road at first. it's gotten a lot better, but whenever i feel like all our issues are resolved, a new one always seem to crop up. this time it's about toilet paper. i think everyone knows at this point that women use more toilet paper than men due to anatomy differences. i also am on a medication that causes some pretty unpleasant gastrointestinal side effects, so that also ups my usage. my boyfriend has noticed that the toilet paper is being depleted much faster than he was used to when he was living alone, and apparently this is *unacceptable*. so, he wants me to start paying for my own toilet paper because we use more. sorry, but i think that is horseshit. we make about the same (50k & 55k a year) in a not terribly high cost of living area. we're not balling, but we're very much comfortable. we split household expenses 50-50 and alternate who pays for groceries every time we make a big grocery run. and i just think that it's incredibly petty to single me out over *toilet paper* and make me pay for my own. he likened it to how i pay for all my own d&d and gardening supplies and he pays for all his own audio equipment, but it's not a hobby? it's a toiletry. and i am sure if i looked into it i would find things that i chip in on that he uses more of. it's not like i refuse to pay for his ice cream when it's my turn to buy groceries even though i don't eat it. so aita? yes, i use more toilet paper than him. i will concede that it is significantly more. but i don't appreciate him acting like i'm sucking all his savings dry with having to buy more toilet paper. | nta | nta. that’s insanely childish. is he using up more of the electricity budget? he uses 13% more of the blanket so should put in for that too right? wth. | nta: husband uses wayyyy more toilet paper than kids and me combined. | 1 |
9vayne | aita my wife eats sweets faster than i do. | so in an effort to make sure i still get to enjoy some sweets i sometimes hide them. context: i have 2 bags of candy in my office drawer. she eats her half of the candy much faster so i make an off hand comment, this is why i hide stuff. i wasn’t saying to be mean, i just wanted her to understand why i hide candy sometimes because she also gets upset when i hide candy. amitheasshole for telling her this why i hide the candy? also part 2: amitheasshole for hiding it in the first place? | nta | are you 10 years old? this sounds like such an elementary school problem. you’re nta for wanting to preserve snacks for yourself. | nta: my husband purposefully buys snacks i hate so he doesn't have to share lol. your wife is an adult, if she wants more candy she can buy more candy. | 3 |
9vaz9f | aita for not returning to work after maternity leave? | a little backstory: i’ve been at my job for over a year, it’s an entry level registration position at a local hospital. the work environment is toxic, you’re just a number to management, and there’s absolutely no flexibility. however, the job is relatively easy and the pay is very good for the work. i found out i was pregnant and about four months into my pregnancy a part time position in the same department became available and i applied. i got the position (2/3 days a week) but worked full time for the department until i gave birth because they were so short staffed. now, here we are 11 weeks into my 12 week leave and i’m supposed to return to work on monday. my position would require childcare 2 days a week which a family member i trust has offered. however, the trip to drop my baby off, go to work, pick baby up, and then head home is 100+ miles a day and almost three hours of commute. i had every intention on going back but now as it approaches i’m very stressed about returning to work/commuting/returning to toxic environment. i spoke with my manager two weeks ago and told her i’d be returning to work (now i wish i would’ve just said i won’t be back, but i did have every intention of returning). i feel like i have two options: quit with no notice or return to work and give a two week notice. with the second option, i won’t burn any bridges but will have to shell out about $60 for a work uniform as my pre-pregnancy ones no longer fit and i’m no longer allowed to wear maternity clothes. side note i have major anxiety and what i really want to do is just never go back, but i realize that’s pretty crappy. i’m not worried about having to pay anything back since i do not carry insurance through them. however there have been major cuts in the department and what i’m returning to is not the situation i left (they have fired/let go/approved transfers for 5-6 people) and mandatory overtime is on the horizon (potentially as soon as i return according to management and staff) and with a 3 mo old and my husband working 5-6 days a week i can’t do mandatory ot. so aita for putting in my notice as soon as i return to work from a three month leave? tl;dr: told manager i was coming back from maternity leave now i do not want to return. aita for putting in notice my first day back? | nta | nta, it’s a job. do what you think is best for your family, that’s way more important. | nta if it was me i'd just eat the uniform cost just in case i needed to ever go back and put my 2 weeks in. although if you just say screw it and the job market is decent in your area that's a viable option too. ultimately do whatever you feel most comfortable with because it's not like you owe them anything really. | 1 |
9vc1ts | aita for causing my partner to fail on his paper | for this assignment we were each expected to write our own papers reflecting on a mock counselling session where we take turns being recorded as the counsellor. during class there was a limited amount of counselling rooms, so we ended up not being able to go. during the next class period i asked my partner if we could do the recording after class, but he never showed up so i ended up having to record with someone else. he never reached out to me after that or asked me about it when we were in class so i assumed he'd done what i had done and found someone else to record with. on the day the paper was due, he emailed me asking what our plan was for recording, and today i found out he hasn't done the paper and it was due two days ago. i feel bad about his predicament, but i feel like as an adult, he should have reached out to me or someone else way earlier. he had \*weeks\* to make his preparations and he waited to the very last minute to mention anything so now it's my fault. | nta | nta. it’s not your job to chase him or bail him out. | nta, they might hate you but i mean shit you are responsible they arent | 54 |
9vc3t0 | aita for being annoyed at employer for donating our christmas party budget to charity? | so basically i work for an international company who decided to donate the entire companies christmas parties budget to charity. there were reasons i won't go into for fear of identification. myself and coworkers feel like this is a bit of a dick-move... not the charity donations obviously, but which pot of money they have chosen to donate. they aren't donating any company profits or senior staff bonuses, they're just taking away one small joy from their low level employees. as one person paraphrased the decision "we really care about this issue, but not enough to put our own money towards it, just our employee benefits". they have not asked us if we are happy to do this and to be honest if they had we would have said yes, that's a much better use of the money. they could even have asked for donations and i'm sure most of us would have put something to the cause (albeit probably not quite as much as the company would spend per head on a party). but of course now we are looking to organise our own christmas party which will be self-funded. so i feel like i'm now out of pocket having to pay for it, and i really don't earn much to start with, and already donate what i can to charity and even volunteer on weekends. i guess if i was really that hard up i could just not go and as i'm writing this i'm feeling more like an asshole and starting to think i know which way responses will go. but i'm still interested in what everyone else has to say, so aita for feeling disgruntled that our employer has done this without asking us first? | nta | nta. what is happening is that your company is deciding to cut your party budget and deciding to make a donation. these 2 things are unrelated should be seen as unrelated. like you said, they could have taken that from exec bonuses or had lower profits or something like that. they are getting the tax writeoff and looking good for making donations. | nta. >but of course now we are looking to organise our own christmas party which will be self-funded. i would strongly recommend you don't do this, or do it off site. i feel like these guys are shady enough to look at you doing this and decide that it means they can "donate" or just do away with the company funded parties in the following years. | 6 |
9vci5u | aita | is is kind of a long time ago but i remembered it while reading an ask reddit thread about outbursts at teachers in school though this isn't really about an outburst. as an extra note i also had severe stage fright and was extremely scared of talking in front of crowds for the longest time due to unrelated problems. i think it must have been 2nd or 3rd grade when we had a girl studying to become a teacher who was to overlook our class and do some of the assignments with us. i can't even remember the exact assignment but we were told to describe something in some way but i started drawing it out instead because of a misunderstanding. when the rest of the kids started reading the text they had written out i got nervous because i had no text to read so i refused to share my work with the class our actual teacher got kind of angry but since i kept refusing they ended up moving on. i was pulled aside after class and told what i did was wrong even though i tried to explain that i had nothing to read she said i should have explained the drawing instead. we had a small booklet that the teachers would write in if they wamted contact with our parents, mostly excuses for not comming to class or to tell the parents if the child had done something wrong, and in that booklet they wrote that i created an embarassing situation for the extra teacher and that i was in the wrong. was i the asshole? | nta | what?!? for sure nta!! as someone who has also been a student teacher, a small child can not possibly orchestrate an “embarrassing situation” like that. this is a teacher’s job! she needed to learn that these things happen, and also how to deal with these situations, because they do happen. if she had done a good job she would have found out why you didn’t want to share and then told you it was okay, we all have misunderstandings, and then asked you to explain your drawing and share it with the class. she had an opportunity to turn a misunderstanding into a great learning experience, instead she and her preceptor teacher made you feel shame and guilt for an activity they were supposed to be guiding. | nta. also, that’s pretty shitty - the teacher in training, who isn’t even a professional yet, gives the class an assignment without making sure the kids understand it? maybe *she* created an embarrassing situation for *you* by her poorly delivered instructions and lack of follow up with the kids. then your regular teacher chews you out over it? common sense when dealing with kids this age. if it becomes apparent that a kid is standing there front of the class and isn’t prepared for *whatever* reason the teacher shouldn’t keep grilling them. shit like that makes for memories, and keeps therapists in business. if this happened to one of my kids i would have told the (regular) teacher to please not have amateur trainees give instructions to my child until they are properly licensed. not the asshole. | 2 |
9vcpvv | aita for not wanting my partner to continue a friendship with someone who wants to sleep with her? | my partner has been struggling to make friends lately and recently became friends with a coworker of mine who happens to be a lesbian. the coworker became very flirty both verbally and physically within a week of them hanging out and when asked to back off simply held off for a few days then came back at full force, my partner did not speak up against it under the thought of "i am not a lesbian so who cares of she is flirty" i feel uncomfortable with the situation but aita for thinking this is disrespectful towards me from both parties and thinking it should hit a full stop? | nta | nta. not only is that friend disrespecting the relationship, but your girlfriend seems to be disrespecting your boundaries to follow her own interest (making friends.) i would try to talk about it with her before you do anything. unfortunately, you can’t really control what she does but if she decides to go after something that makes her partner genuinely upset and uncomfortable, it says something about her... | nta. if your partner is not lesbian or bi then you have nothing to worry about. you may consider complaining to your work if it continues | 5 |
9vcs0l | aita for trying to keep family hep c free? | every family has that one member who isn't exactly there. my (half) sister-in-law is a selfish, manipulative, thieving, drug addict that has lived her life fast and loose and has a history of aggression and violence which has gotten her locked up several times. she has never provided anything good since i have been in the picture. recently she has been diagnosed with chronic hep c, and this is where the story begins. the issue is, she is very clingy, she likes to hug and kiss on my daughter (5y), my daughter likes to lick people (weird right) on their arms and cheek. sister-in-law is worried i won't let her show affection to my newborn (expected 11-22-18) and 5 yr old. **she is right**. for the past 24 hrs my wife and i have been arguing because her mother doesn't think it is okay to make her stay away because "family" and i am saying she will stay away until she is treated and viral load is below detectable. am i the asshole for telling her to stay away? | nta | >i am saying she will stay away until she is treated and viral load is below detectable. sounds reasonable to me. nta, | you're nta but you also don't understand how hep c works. it's a bloodborne illness. it can *only* be transmitted through things like sharing needles or contact when both people have open sores. the virus isn't present in saliva and can't be transmitted through casual contact like hugging, kissing, or even licking, unless your baby is licking an open wound. it's a really common misconception that all diseases can be transmitted in all ways, but viruses are typically specific to a certain cell type and aren't contained in other cells. for example, herpes infects epithelial and nerve cells but not blood cells, so it is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact and can't be transmitted through blood. hep c is the opposite- it infects blood cells but not the epithelial cells of the skin or mucous membranes, so it isn't transmitted by casual contact but is transmitted through blood. please actually do some research on hep c and realize that it would be nearly impossible for your sister-in-law to infect your baby. [here's a good place to start.](http://hepcbc.ca/hcv-basics/overview/risk-factors/) ​ | 25 |
9vd85f | aita for being annoyed that my partner has not got in touch with me as their grandmother is dying in hospital. | this is a throwaway account. my partner's grandmother had a bad fall and is on her way out, they're just waiting for the inevitable. i kinda do feel like an asshole for being annoyed during what is a very difficult time for them but a part of me that wont go away feels like that it doesn't really speak that optimistically for the relationship if their reaction is to just shut down all communication with me. i know it's a very challenging time and i'm not expecting nor do i want constant communication or updates by any means but when it's been three days and not a single message, it does get to me, especially after the last message was them saying that they'd call me the next day to chat. i haven't tried calling them though as i didnt wanna impose on them either so i only sent messages. | yta | yta for making this about you. your partner has bigger things going on. call or show up and show your support. | yta. have you ever had to stand at the bedside and wait for someone you're very close to to die? there are no words. it's been 3 freaking days. no, it doesn't speak optimistically for the relationship if you've found a way to make this about you. | 23 |
9vd9mx | wibta if i called in a noise complaint on my landlord for playing music? | so a little context, i am renting a room from a place i found on craigslist. the landlord currently lives there and there is one other room aside from mine that he is trying to rent out. i was aware of this going in, but i voiced my strong preference against rooming with couples, anyone under 25, anyone older than 40, or women (can't stand their hair everywhere!). he seemed to take this into consideration and ran potential tenants by me as they reached out to him. but none of them really fit my preferences and it ends up taking an extra month. i realize he is losing money or whatever but i have to live with the person too! so anyway he starts to get irritated with me, saying that i am being too picky about roommates, and acting entitled about the property, blah blah blah. so he ends up telling me i am no longer a fit for the property and that i need to find a new place immediately. wtf. i remind him i have a right to 30 days notice, which he obliges to but tbh i am really upset about the whole situation now. and here's where the current situation comes in: he eventually stopped asking me for my opinion and found a guy to move in, but i don't like him at all. he left a dish in the sink and used the bathroom at like 630 in the morning. then around 10:30 am he is like blasting rap music from his phone speaker while he was on his way out to work or whatever. i was already awake doing laundry but i found it extremely irritating and disrespectful. i don't have the new guys information but i do want to do something about this since i have to live here another 3 weeks so i figure i'll just call in a noise complaint on the property. wibta for calling the police to file a noise complaint here? | yta | how can you write all that and not realise that you're ta? you're a tennant who is basically demanding to have at least as much say as the landlord as to who moves in, you're acting entitled about a property that he owns and you rent, and you want to file a noise complaint about the other guy playing music one time and using the bathroom at 6.30?? plus you're going to file a complaint even though you're leaving soon (a complaint which seems to be more out of spite than actually giving a fuck about the noise). yta. | yta. that's not how noise complains work lol. they don't care what people are doing inside a property, they care about what you can hear from outside it. have you even talked to this roommate about it? | 2 |
9vdmex | aita for quiting painting with friends because i suck and don't enjoy it anymore? | about 4 months ago me and 2 other friends signed up for painting lessons. we were all interested back then wanted to give it a try. 4 months later everyone except me seems to have booked progress. i'm talking about people painting bob ross style of paintings versus me who's paintings still look the same as when i started (which also look the same as my paintings i did when i was 8). this despites continuously practising at home, watching painting videos, learning about different styles, etc... when i told my friends i wouldn't continue anymore because i don't enjoy it anymore and get embarrassed between the others with my mess, they said i ruined the fun for them and that i was overreacting. they also called me selfish since i was the only one with a car and the practice place is far away (we live in a remote area and while i was the one driving, they did pay for the gas etc, though, we never really agreed on something like this.) we still had 4 months of painting lessons to go which we all payed up front, so they are also pissed that it would be wasted money now | nta | nta you didn't enjoy it, as someone with zero artistic talent i get it. they could find a different ride or even offer to pay you to take them. they are being selfish for telling you that you ruined their fun. | nta, you tried something new and your friends are peer pressuring you into doing something you don't want to do. this is basic friend code. | 2 |
9vdtcd | aita for wanting to drink with my friends in vegas even though i have a boyfriend? | let me give you the background story first: i have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 and a half years now and would never cheat on him. i don't drink often (maybe once a month) and there have been occasions where i would go to parties with my boyfriend and get super wasted and throw up. the last time i drank with him was on my 21st birthday and i threw up all over his car. he thinks i don't know my drinking limits and can't control myself when i'm drunk, however, when i'm out drinking with friends i never have this problem and am never wasted. for thanksgiving break, my friends and i have planned a girls' trip to vegas and my boyfriend is only letting me have one drink every night that i'm there. this is because we made a deal that depending on how i did on my 21st birthday, he would let me drink more. well, since i got wasted and threw up all over his car, he says he doesn't think i should be allowed to drink because he thinks i'm going to get too drunk and do something stupid at the club. i know i should keep my end of the deal but i don't think it's fair that my first trip to vegas will have to be sober while my friends get to be drunk. am i the asshole for wanting to drink at vegas? | nta | are you the asshole for wanting to drink in vegas? no nta. honestly i'd draw a line in the sand and say i'm going to be drinking in vegas, if that's an issue then you need to think about whether you want to continue this relationship. you'd be a bit of an asshole if you lied to him and did it anyway, that's the easy way out. | i can understand why your boyfriend feels that because he had first hand experience with you when you're drunk, and you made that deal. why did you make that deal with him if you are just going to drink anyway? nta neither is he though. | 2 |
9vdtsm | aita for wanting to know my bf’s family’s mental health history before we start having kids? | i know this sounds shitty and kind of invasive of me. i am not judgmental and i understand that mental health is a serious thing. my boyfriend and i have been thinking about trying to have a baby soon. i have had a long history of anxiety/depression as well as my father, and his father. i know my bf’s mom has some serious mental health issues. she takes antipsychotics but i’m not sure what for. i have tried asking my boyfriend if he knows anything but he just said no he doesn’t think so. i don’t think he even knows what’s going on with his mom because 1. i don’t think she’s told him. and 2. i don’t think he even knows what antipsychotics are for. his mom talks to herself and he always laughs and goes oh don’t mind her she talks to herself a lot. but i don’t think he even realizes it’s not a normal thing to do. anyways, my doctor told me that my anxiety/depression is most likely genetic. i fear my future children will struggle with that alone. now add in whatever his mom may be dealing with. it worries me to think of having a child that will struggle mentally. especially since a lot of serious mental health disorders have a genetic component. i have not brought this up to my boyfriend in this context because i do not want him or his family to be offended. so, aita for wanting to know what’s going on? | nta | nta for wanting to give your children their best possible life. having a child is difficult, even without mh issues. taking an inventory of a family's health history isn't that uncommon before family planning. | nta if there is a strong history of genetic, hereditary disease, it is essential to know before making the decision to have children. not only to aid in the actual decision to have the children, but in the financial and other planning in case its needs require significant additional investment to deal with and treat. | 9 |
9vdwup | aita for ending a relationship simply because i felt ignored? | context. this was my first time in a relationship, and it took a lot of courage to ask my partner out. when they said yes i felt so relieved. the relationship lasted a month. i am not even sure if it counts as one. in the first week we went on a date once (does it even count as a date cause she brought another friend along with her? i thought dates were really supposed to be only between you and your partner) and we went to see a movie. i went to a lot of her volleyball games, and only got so far as to kiss her cheek every now and then. because i wanted to feel like i went on a "real" date with her, i asked her every weekend if she had any plans. she always said she did, and when i looked on snapchat i saw pictures on her story of her hanging out with friends almost every weekend. also when we would be on the bus together she would sit and talk with her friends and i would sit in a seat alone for the whole bus ride. this happened so many times and i even told her about this but she avoided answering me back. so really. am i an asshole for breaking up with her because she didn't spend any time with me and instead spent her free time with her friends? | nta | nta. did she even seem upset when you ended things? | nta consider this a learning experience, the more you have of those and reflect upon them the better you get at understanding relationships. | 3 |
9vef9l | aita (14m) for confronting the guy(17m) who cheated on my sister (17f) | okay let me start by saying this person and i were really close. he was like a older brother to me and was always welcome to any family events he was family. him and my sister were best friends since the 5th grade and started dating in 10th grade and they are now in 12th grade. this asshole cheated in like the worst way ever he cheated at a halloween party with some girl he barely knew. my sister wasn't at the party cuase she was at the party i was at as she wanted to be at my frist highschool party and he wanted to go to his cousin's party. now fast forward today he comes back to school while my sister is home completely heartbroken. i got up to him and said "what the actually fuck who even are you anymore what happen to the guy who would come over our house almost everyday for about a year what the fuck happen to the guy who was like my older brother what the fuck happen to the guy my sister cried on when my dad died in a car accident." he said "cody just get away from me i don't need anymore shit from you especially" then i said " what your upset that your friends don't talk to you anymore that you traded you first girlfriend of 2 years for a quick fuck at a halloween party" he said "just leave me alone how many times do i got to tell everyone i'm sorry i was drunk if i could i would take it back". when he said that i just stoped following him and let him go i'm having a weird mix of emotions like i fell bad for him but i also hate him. aita | nta | nta. but, instead of lashing out at the guy himself you should turn your attention to your sister and comforting her. you calling him out on the obvious ain't really gonna fix anything. i am not saying you don't have a right to be angry and confront him, i am saying that energy could be better spent elsewhere. but the "i was drunk" excuse is a classic bullshit excuse. but take comfort in the thought that so many others are giving him shit for it as well and still are. the confrontation was unnecessary, but you weren't in the wrong here. | nta. close friend who dated your sister? frankly it'd have been kind of callous of you to your sister if you'd been like "whatever, we're still bros". but i do get the guy's pov too - i remember when i was breaking up with a longtime partner (it was really not working anymore after pretending too long). it was already hell to go through dealing with the newly exed person's retaliation, but on top of that close mutual friend acted like it was equally about him - how he was blindsided. i get that it impacted more than just us, really, and i'm sorry. i was just so fucking tired at that point emotionally and physically. no energy to go through it all with yet another person right then. so i get you're hurt, and this is new. give it some time, let them sort themselves out a bit and be there for your sister. talk to buddy later. | 3 |
9veug8 | aita for breaking up with my girlfriend? | i just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. we live together and grew up together (she is 22 and i am 21) everything was nice but we argued a lot over stupid things and i feel like i am still too young to be in a serious relationship. i broke her heart and she begged for me not to do it and that she would be better towards me and now i feel like a piece of shit. i really didn't want to do this because i love her and can't stand to be away from her beautiful face but i just wasn't that happy. i feel so bad. she is currently on the phone to her father crying her eyes out in the bedroom and told me i broke her heart and she will never find someone like me again. i feel the same but i want to be alone for now. i will always love her and i don't know what to do. | nta | nta. if you're not happy and you argue over stupid things then maybe it is time for a break. you've been together since 16, you've never known other's love. just be a gentleman about it and all will work out. | nta, somehow unpopular opinion... but op literally said he was \*not\* happy in the relationship. why would he stay in it? i learned this the hard way but just because people love each other, does not mean they need to be together. | 0 |
9vezx3 | aita for telling her "i love you and i want a future with you" | (35m) with some issues due to my past. i suffer from a condition that has wrecked my life multiple times after building it up repeatedly. basically my health goes south and i lose the license, the job, the girl, then become depressed. the last cycle ended about 4 years ago. 2 years ago i started a relationship with (27f) that i met earlier in that year while studying to increase my chance of employment. she approached me; i wasn't ready for a relationship but she had the same condition (not as severe) and needed to fix things too so i told her we'd do it together. when we met she thought she might be asexual but had a lot of trauma. she did increase the frequency, but we still disagree on it. there tends to be a week with 3x and then not as much the rest of each month (she tracks it, but i think it's less than it says). i'd like it to be 2-3 each week and think it's just a matter of effort; if she loved me it'd come naturally. she also has issues with anxiety and depression. i've been depressed too and i think she just needs to get outside and do things more often to get better, but she says she's comfortable at the computer, knitting (what 20 year old knits?) or drawing/colouring in (which is childish and needs to stop). in the last 10 months she went through a lot of therapy, got a job in the field we studied and was promoted at the end of her probation. she moved far away to do that (which i encouraged) and she's been asking me to move with her, but i don't want to lose my financial independence by moving before i have a job. i also don't want to limit myself to looking for work near her because there's not as much there, so i'm looking around back home. the other thing is that she's ticked off all these goals (she's got the job, the house, the car) but she's not exactly happy. if i have to live with her moods wings or misery that would just drag me down and i can't have that because my life is about to improve so much. a few days ago she was trying to ask me when i'd be willing to move in (yet again) and i wouldn't commit to a date so she said she was done even though i tried explaining why i couldn't commit yet and that i do love her. the next day she asked for keys back/where to send my things and i asked her what was going on. she called me and i told her i thought we needed a cooling off period in case we changed our minds. i told her she has to be happier if she wants me to move in and she asked how she's supposed to demonstrate that. i suggested smiling more and sending me photos and texts of her doing happy things. honestly though, i'm not sure if this relationship is a good idea. i don't know if i fear being stuck with her or losing her more. she's been crying that i've been killing her and need to make a decision, but i think shes overreacting to the situation and doesn't seem that worried about losing me or she'd have put in more effort. aita for telling her "i love you and i want a future with you" just fix [problem] first when i'm not sure if i do want to be with her (at least until i know she's changed) or is it her responsibility to draw a line if i really am hurting her that badly? just want some more opinions... | yta | yta. >i'd like it to be 2-3 each week and think it's just a matter of effort; if she loved me it'd come naturally. that statement is fucked up on several levels. >she also has issues with anxiety and depression. i've been depressed too and i think she just needs to get outside and do things more often to get better, but she says she's comfortable at the computer, knitting (what 20 year old knits?) or drawing/colouring in (which is childish and needs to stop). you're condescending of her hobbies and you obviously don't understand depression, or if you do you just don't give a fuck about hers. >i suggested smiling more and sending me photos and texts of her doing happy things. she's supposed to fake being happy? >honestly though, i'm not sure if this relationship is a good idea. i don't know if i fear being stuck with her or losing her more. she's been crying that i've been killing her and need to make a decision, but i think shes overreacting to the situation and doesn't seem that worried about losing me or she'd have put in more effort. you're right it's not a good idea and you should end it. or at least let her end it, without all the guilt like she wants too anyway. | >i'd like it to be 2-3 each week and think it's just a matter of effort; if she loved me it'd come naturally. dude she has trauma and think she might be asexual. if someone thought she might be gay, would you say "if you loved me it would come naturally"? and you should never say to someone with trauma "it's just a lack of effort, if you loved me you'd have sex with me" never. >knitting (what 20 year old knits?) or drawing/colouring in (which is childish and needs to stop). huge asshole. >i also don't want to limit myself to looking for work near her because there's not as much there, so i'm looking around back home. that's fair > i suggested smiling more and sending me photos and texts of her doing happy things. what >i think shes overreacting to the situation she's not. you're the one who needs to give a straight answer to her. this is who she is right now. yta big time, for above reasons. | 17 |
9vf0ps | aita for taking abandoned gas | take it easy on me - ltl, ftp, on mobile, etc etc. so, yesterday morning i'm on my way to class and my gas light comes on, so i pull into a gas station. i'm flustered because it's already been one hell of a morning - running late, screeching toddler in the backseat, rush hour, you get the idea. i'm talking to kiddo (3m) through the window trying to explain yet again that no, throwing a fit does not mean you get candy for breakfast, yes, you have to wait until dinner for candy, no, we don't throw toys in the car. i'm distracted, so it doesn't really click at first why the gas pump won't let me run my card. i decide it's not worth it, i'll pull around to another pump that has the card reader working, and hit cancel payment. displayed on the screen: "please see cashier to cancel prepay." ....what? prepay? i didn't prepay? i'm one of the only people there. it's a big station that has 24 pumps, and maybe 5 or 6 are taken. the closest person is several stalls away, so it's not like it was an error where the person on the other side of my pump or the space behind me told a clerk the wrong number. for all appearances, it looked like someone just prepaid for this pump and just.... left. but why would someone do that? my best guess is maybe it was one of those "pay it forward" moments... reddit, i'm not proud... but i used the prepay. it was $20 worth, over half a tank for my car. it's no excuse. i should have gone in and told the clerk, and made sure it wasn't a mistake. but there was no one, and i was in a hurry, and i'm a single mom doing school full time. i'm not proud. but $20 is $20. reddit.... aita for taking advantage of an abandoned prepay? | nta | nta could have been a pay it forward situation, nobody just leaves $20 worth of gas. | eh. nta. this was a use it or lose it situation. it had to go somewhere. | 5 |
9vf26p | aita for screaming at my sister | my sister is 14, im 19. she has always been very nasty to me. i was having a good day and i came home from work, i saw that we got a new couch and i go to sit on it she tells me, patronizing me like she does all the time. dont you even sit here with all your nasty germs. she was very nasty. something in me just snapped and i screamed. "who the fuck are you talking to!i am your brother! shes the kind of person that would bump into you in the hallway, yell dont touch me, and start swinging at you. but aita for yelling at her? | nta | nta. based on the info you gave us, if you said those exact words, you are not an asshole. you loudly questioned her actions with facts. if she gets upset, than she has to learn that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. if you insulted or demeaned her in any way, you are now an asshole when you were a victim. you're sister is an asshole * | nta. the way you describe it seems like typical angsty sibling behavior. | 13 |
9vfb52 | aita i made a girl cry today | aita so today, in my last block class we were working on some stuff on the laptops. so it meant you could talk, and do what you want. well this one guy who i’m kinda friends with and this girl who i’m aquatinted with decided to make some jokes at my expense. the jokes consisted of comparing me to this weird kid at our school who actually threatened to bomb the school. also from an earlier incident in the day where i had said i didn’t like a person at our school that happens to be black they decided to call me racist ( i took this as a joke, but it eventually went too far). so after about a hour of this i got fed up and insulted the guy, and then the girl. i said “ your face looks like a ball of dough” she then said ironically “ good one” i then responded with “ i could take your face mash it up roll it out with a rolling pin stick it in the oven then have a pizza”. after this she said something along the lines of wow i bet you feel good about yourself. i said yeah i do. she then said stuff about not making fun of girls and started crying. she then went to the bathroom for the last 15 minutes of class. the teacher and some of the girls said i was mean but most either said nothing or good for me for defending myself. | nta | if she can’t take it. don’t dish it. nta | nta. you won an insult game. be proud. you even made the other player cry. that's a double win. she decided to take you up on your insult and retorted. so you were justified if you wanted to go further (which you did). also. i really fucking love where you took it. props to you. | 108 |
9vfnil | aita for saying the n-word even though i’m half black? | this is probably a weird one but please bear with me. i recently made some new friends who are in one of my college classes and they’re both black. we’ll call them friend a and friend b. a couple days ago we were walking back to our dorms from class and friend a was telling a funny story about how he went to this party and got drunk and fucked up even though he had a test the next day and i was just like “nigga you dumb.” in a joking kind of way. but after i said that, friend a told me he wasn’t cool with me saying that and friend b kind of agreed. i asked him why, and he told me it was because he didn’t think i was dark enough and that i acted “too white.” i just kind of said ok i’ll just stop saying it since it makes him uncomfortable, but this is bull shit right? like this is the first time i’ve ever of heard of anything like this. aita here? | nta | nta. a white person will sure as hell consider you black no matter how light your skin is. call them out on that racist shit next time. the fuck does "acting white" mean? however, you do need to be aware that not all black people like being called that word, myself being one of them. | nta. saying you aren't dark enough is kinda fucked though. | 8 |
9vfo2c | aita for playing along with jokes making light of suicide in the presence of suicidal people. | so, i sit at this table with two other guys in an class. one of them is depressed and possibly suicidal (lets call him “t”) and the other is edgy and dark humored(lets call him “l”). l frequently jokes about serious topics like suicide and depression, with such enthusiasm that nearly the entire class can hear it, and have told him to stop several times (he doesn’t). he sits right across from t who is like i said depressed and maybe suicidal and sensitive , and t can hear everything l says. t doesn’t laugh at most of these jokes, but does not tell l to stop. i enjoy l’s humor and i frequently play along and laugh at it, sometimes to the point where i am unable to do work due to being preoccupied with laughing. an example of l’s humor is “suicidal people are just (life’s) speed-runners”. i do try to get l to have a bit more discretion, especially when it is rather dark, but sometimes it is just too funny, and i know that i probably am an asshole, but i wanna make sure since i told this situation and that joke to my other friend (who has attempted suicide) , and he laughed at it, but he said that i would possibly have to take some form of burden in the case t ends himself in part to my involvement in l’s jokes, which is an undesirable effect for me. aita for playing along with l’s humor in the immediate presence of t? | yta | yta. from his perspective, you're both in on the jokes. i know it sucks, but everyone eventually has to learn when it is appropriate to laugh and when it isn't, even if you find something funny. | yta. it is like making holocaust jokes in front of someone who is jewish. yes it fucking bothers them and they can fucking hear it but it is one person standing up to a group of guys. | 1 |
9vfqyc | aita for wanting to block a person with disabilities? | hey reddit. this is my first post ever. please ignore my awful grammer. i'm a junior in high school and 16 years old. my freshmen year this guy with disability's walked up to me (lets call him s for story) and said "what's up josh." i had no idea how he knew my name. me not wanting to be an asshole i responded with "what's good dude." i had no idea who s was or how s knew my name but i went on with it for the rest of the year. halfway through my sophomore year s asked me for my phone number and so i gave it to him. s then proceeded to text me a lot and i went with it not wanting to be an asshole. but the it started to get weird and very uncomfortable. s would start texting me multiply times saying " i miss you so much." "can we please have a sleepover just the two of us." s facetimes me every night and if i don't answer like i'm not near my phone he keeps on calling until i pick up or just stops after 20 times. (not exaggerating) please help because i don't want to be an ass but it has gone a little too far and making me feel uncomfortable. | nta | i can't tell if this is a troll post or not because it is so bizarre. but if not, nta. that's creepy. it's like a guy stalking a girl. just block em | nta. this girl with autism in my high school is literally obsessed with my boyfriend. she posts on his fb wall every couple of weeks, messaged him so much that he had to turn off his activity status, messaged me about him so much (asking for his number, snapchat, etc) that i did the same, followed us on 3 different ig accounts (i accepted one by accident and she commented on all the pics i have of him), the list goes on. he's a nice dude so he is nice to her in person but keeps no social media contact with her because the consequences are not worth it. | 1 |
9vfuqt | aita for staying up later to play video games on my own than i do together with a friend | tl:dr; an online friend is mad at me for staying up later playing on my own, then i do when i play with them, aita? ~so, some explanation beforehand, in this circumstance the person considering me the asshole didn't know some small reasons that led me to do this so i'll be trying to explain from their point of view, only with the information that they had. ~ i met a person playing destiny online and we became psn friends, pretty soon we started to usually play a couple hours together almost every day, stopping around 9 pm gmt (they live in the states so they're 5 hours behind) as i have work and i have to get up early (at least for me) in the morning. there are some days where i stayed a little bit later (like up to an hour) but only a couple of times so very rarely. today we didn't play as i got home late after having coffee with some workmates, and the friend in question had to leave for work by 9 (4 in their time) no prob there, i decided to play a singleplayer game, it had been a while since i had played on my own and i missed it. at around 11 they message me asking if i don't have work tomorrow, i say i do and joke how staying up this late is a bad decision on my part. they're pretty mad at me now, as i almost always stop playing at 9 when playing together, but now that 'they're away' i'm staying up 2 hours later than usual. they unfriended me pretty quick soon after. so i guess my question is, am i the asshole for spending less time playing with them, than i do playing by myself. (also small typo corrected) | nta | you're not an asshole unless you're lying and saying you're sleeping. what you do in your own time is up to you. nta. | nta. they are. you aren't dating. you're playing a game. it's your free time. your online friend is crossing lines here. | 4 |
9vfyg1 | aita for wanting him to be aids tested ? | long story short, met a new guy, like him alot, he's from zambia, has been here in australia for ten years, he goes home to visit his family every few years. he tells me his brothers have had children with girlfriends/ wives who have died from hiv or aids defining illnesses. and his brothers still test negative, his conclusion is that he has a gene which makes him and his brothers immune to aids. aita for wanting him to be tested? | nta | nta. really you should have all your sexual partners tested. race and origin has nothing to do with it. | his mindset is terrifying. nta. offer to go with him if it makes him more comfortable or likely to get tested. | 2 |
9vfz7o | aita for working too much? | i just moved to an awesome little ski town with my so. i went remote at my current marketing job to do so. it's a pretty high stress position. i have to work late almost every weekday, 9-10 hours. she has a good bit of money saved from her summer job and is currently working very little, and enjoying it. she often complains that i work too much and hates that i have to schedule plans for us around my job. today she was especially aggressive about it and i blew up at her, said she was only making a stressful job fucking worse every damn day. she wants me to quit and work for the mountain (a decent pay drop). says i should pursue my happiness or whatever. thing is, i'm not sitting on a pile of cash like her. plus she never hesitates to let me buy her shit, complains when i don't, and complains when i ask the same of her. i've got nice shit i want to buy for myself too, and this job helps me do that! but, idk, i yelled at her quite a bit today about making my life hell because she's moderately inconvenienced. i may be jealous she has the freedom to work just a little and shop around for a job she really loves, but, fuck, i'm working so hard so i can do that for me too. so, am i the asshole for consistently working late even when she begs me not to? | nta | nta. but, your lifestyles seem to be incompatible at the moment and you should try to work it out. if you want to be a workaholic (nothing wrong with that) and she wants to be more laid back, you need to find a middle ground. neither of you are wrong or right. | wait, 9-10 hours a day from home? this is comparable to the time commitment for a standard job that you have to commute to/from, so i'm thinking it is considered burdensome and unusual just because she works so little? this may all become a non-issue if she gets a regular day job, no? anyway, nta for working this job while you can and wanting to save money. but the way you describe your relationship sounds unpleasantly transactional and friction-filled. maybe your so will appreciate it if you tell her you want to do this job for x months/years to save $$ and will pursue your happiness after that point. | 11 |
9vg624 | aita for lashing out a friend after giving me a place to stay? | *warning: this is a long story that happened throughout a summer but i'll try and keep it short.* a year ago i had some disagreements with my verbally and emotionally abusive father which led to a heated argument and me getting kicked out of my home. i called up a couple of close friends of mine, one whom was with his girlfriend ada and told them what happened. ada offered to let me stay at her parents house which i appreciated but kindly refused after getting an offer from someone else who would let me stay at his place for free and was closer with. after about a week of searching, i got a job working minimum wage. ada calls me and says that she is now living at her grandma's house and needs a roommate to take care of her grandma's cat and help with some chores and that if i moved over and cleaned out the downstairs, i could have it all to myself (rent free). i figured it would be better if i took the offer since i was staying in a small guestroom and this would be an upgrade to my current situation. after several trips of packing and moving my things, i arrive and she tells me that her family have some sort of reverse mortgage but requires her grandma to be living at the house (which she is not) and that we would have to lie and keep quiet about it to not raise any suspicion. i didn't really understand the specifics of it but hey, we get to live in a small house rent free so i agreed. keep in mind i'm still in school but would not be able to pay for it if i also had rent to worry about, which is why she made the offer in the first place. i asked where i would be staying and she led me downstairs and to my horror the place was an absolute mess. there were years of piled trash everywhere, dead bugs, and cobwebs in every corner. it looked like a hoarder lived there and just stockpiled every thing they could find. you couldn't see the floor or walk two feet without running into something. i was shocked at how dirty it was but i started cleaning because it was getting late and i needed to clear it up if i wanted to get some sleep. she said she'd helped me but ended up moving a couple of heavy things and then proceeded to play on her phone for the remainder of the time. it took me over 4 hours to get the room to the point where i was comfortable sleeping in it. i had vacuumed floor, the cobwebs from the walls, wiped and sanitized them, cleared bags full of trash. and this was only a third of the downstairs. the room to the left was even worse, but it had an office which i asked her if i could use, she told me sure as long as i cleaned everything up inside of it. anyways, not a week after i moved in and started cleaning up the place to make it somewhat habitable, i overhear ada crying after a fight with her boyfriend. she said "i vented about how you're being selfish and cleaning things that only pertain to you and he didn't take my side, he never does." i apologized to her and stated i was just trying clear up the space where i would be spending most of my time first because it was so messy to begin with. after this, she tells me that i would be needing to pay rent for the house which i feel guilty for being mad about because she told me it would be rent-free and is the reason i moved out of my previous friend's guestroom to begin with. she also told me that i couldn't use the office anymore because they needed it for storage (after i cleaned up everything inside of it). i was furious but kept quiet even though this shattered the chances of me being able to attend college the upcoming quarter. soon, i notice that she was being very passive aggressive and distant towards me, i confronted her and told her that if she had a problem with the way i was doing things or living that she should tell me and i'd be happy listen to her and abide by her rules. she told me she was upset because i "wasn't doing any chores around the house" and she didn't want to seem like a bitch by constantly nagging me. she has never brought up a single concern to me and instead vented to her parents and our friends about how lazy i was because she had to get up and feed the cat a couple times a week. she even threw a party without giving me a heads up, had strangers come through my room without my knowledge while i was still in it to give them a "tour" of the place. i retaliated by listing every single thing i have done over the short amount time i have been there, and she said "see, this is why i can't bring stuff up to you, you always escalate things". however despite all of it, this was the last straw for me: i had been seeing this girl i recently met for the last couple of weeks, and asked ada if it would be cool to bring her home, she agreed and just told me to give her a heads up whenever i brought her over. no problem, i do most of the times, but have forgotten a couple. a few days later the girl i'm seeing and a couple of her friends are hanging out when we get into a little argument. we decided to go back to my place to calm down and talk it out, just me and her. i forget to notify ada who has guests over without (you guessed it) giving me a heads up. anyways, it's around midnight and my date's friend is at the door to check up on her, says he's been calling but her phone died so he just drove back to make sure she was okay. friendly guy, no big deal, better safe than sorry. we tell him everything is okay and thank him for checking up and he drives off. now, while we are both asleep, ada yells downstairs that her parents are here and that *everyone* would like to have a little talk. my date and i are super confused because it's 2am and as we head upstairs, ada's parents start interrogating us about who this dangerous guy was that just showed up to the house. apparently ada called up her parents and told them that there was some dangerous people outside and she was scared for her life and that i told them where she lived. she runs back to her room with her boyfriend because i'm guessing she doesn't have the nerves to face me after that blatant lie. by now, i've had enough of this shit when they tell me that i should move out for the best (i was going to anyways after what she just pulled). after a stern talk, they left and i knocked on ada's door and asked if there was anything she'd like to say to me. "nope" with a smug look on her face. god i was heated. i proceed to go off on her about how she's a huge snake for going behind my back every time she had a problem and always going to her parents or her friends to paint a bad picture of me before even talking to me about it. before i leave to pack my stuff, i yelled "see? this is why all your friends left you". (she has had four different group of friends stop speaking to her for various reasons throughout the years). i think she cried after that but i don't really care. **tl;dr** friend offered me a place to stay after i got kicked out, said it was rent free as long as i did what she initially requested and clean her house. i clean the messiest house i've ever seen in and out. and she begins charging me rent and states i don't do anything around the house. after falsely accusing my friend of being a dangerous stranger, she calls her parents screaming for her life and tries to get me kicked out. i go off on her and tell her that all her friends left her because she of the way she acts and she cries. aita for yelling at her and insulting her after she was kind of enough to offer me a place to stay? | nta | nta. "it's free, no strings attached i promise." except there were strings attached. you got bamboozled. | nta, you're good mate. | 1 |
9vgie7 | aita for not paying attention in school? | i think that i fit the traditional definition of a "bad student" in the eyes of some of my teachers, mostly because i don't pay all that much attention in class. i do have all a's, but in some of my required classes, i don't pay much attention, and will usually do homework from other classes or look at my phone when i'm done. most of the teachers don't really care all that much, but a few seem to be semi annoyed by it. additionally, some of my classmates are bothered by the fact that i'm "lazy and don't try" but somehow still have good grades. however, a big reason that i don't have to spend much effort in school is the fact that i study a lot on my own time, and just end up already knowing many of the concepts being taught. so am i being entitled and privileged for not paying attention or is it ok? | nta | nta, but that's a bad habit to pick up. classes aren't generally long, and you can always take some knowledge from a class, either actively or passively. doesn't hurt to try and pay attention | nta but trust me it's gonna bite you in the ass someday. | 0 |
9vgjlq | aita for checking a bag and making a joke? | a little background first. i'm a cashier at a electronic store that also sells accessories. this black guy is checking out with me. he has just finished paying when, as company policy tells me to do, i check his bag. we do this because we have a theft problem. at the end of this check i joke around that he is "free of contraband". he completely changes from a passive, fun, calm personality to a furious customer. he says that i racially profiled him and that i am a racist that he should beat up. security was right next to me so this thankfully was avoided. he proceeded to chew out my manager about me. my manager backed me up but the guy was still pissed and just left the store swearing at him and me. am i the asshole for making that comment? | nta | nta. unintentional. but next time be mindful of jokes like that. they can be taken the wrong way (like in this situation) | nta. people need to quit being oversensitive little bitches | 1 |
9vgl9h | wibta if i called animal control to pick up my neighbor's cat? | so my neighbor's have two cats. they say one is an indoor cat and the other one is an outdoor cat. the outdoor cat is very sweet and i don't mind her hanging out on my porch for some shade. she's started bringing dead animals on the porch and just leaving them. i talked to my neighbors and they just said "we can't control what she does outside." at this point i'm annoyed at them and not the cat. i've never once seen them feed her or even let her inside when it's pouring rain. i want to call a shelter to come get her since she's becoming a problem for the neighborhood, and because i'm worried she'll get hurt. | yta | when a cat brings you a dead animal it's trying to give you a gift. yes it's dead but he's a cat. that's just how cats are. yta | i understand why you’re concerned. but outdoor cats tend to hunt smaller prey and get food that way, so not feeding it isn’t necessarily harming it. they will find food and water, that’s how they are. regarding the weather: the cat is already outside when it’s raining how are they supposed to find, catch it and bring it back inside? the dead animal thing: we have strays bring us dead birds and small rabbits often. we have a cat feeder outside. it’s in their nature for cats to bring dead animals as a gift/for later consumption/etc. a lot of outside cats keep things like mice, snakes and other possible rodents at bay. you can’t teach it to stop, that’s just how they are. if you call animal control then yes, yta. | 4 |
9vgmb4 | aita for spreading news about my cheating girlfriend? | so recently i broke up with my girlfriend because i found out she was cheating on me, and of course i told my buds about it. a school being a school, as usual, rumors fly fast. soon enough the whole school knew about this. and she blames it on me for spreading 'lies' about her cheating on me. she was hanging out with him before school, after school, and everything else in between. i'll be damned if the school didn't know about this even after seeing that. they even snuck out together before. and she was still saying she wasn't seeing anyone outside when i asked her. so after me and my best dudes did some research we found out that she was cheating. so i just decided to break it off. take not that at this point we were in 8 months already. after we broke up she got really pissed at me about this whole thing and she called me a baby for not being able to keep the news to myself. and she really hurt me, so i don't know what to do now. be vulnerable and take the blame or stand up to her because i have nothing to be afraid of and have done nothing wrong whatsoever. please help :) much appreciated <3 | nta | nta. high school drama. she cheated. you are in the right and have done nothing wrong. honestly it's better if everyone knows so that she doesn't do that shit to someone else. | it's not like you're spreading lies. nta. | 2 |
9vgzjx | aita for refusing to give up a seat to the latecomer who had saved it? | this was years ago, but i’ve always wondered about it. tl;dr at the bottom. in college i had a class that met in a conference room that was way too small. there was a large conference table that could seat the professor and about a third of the students and and row of seats along the back wall that could seat another third. everybody else had to sit on the floor between the table and the back wall. the floor was very crowded, uncomfortable, and meant you couldn’t see the professor or the board. competition for chairs was fierce, so it was common to throw your bag in a chair first if you needed to pee or use the water fountain before class. further complicating matters the classroom had two doors and the class before mine always had a line of students wanting to talk to that professor after their class, so in the bustle between classes it was hard to tell who was coming, who was going, and whether the bag in a chair belonged to someone in my class who was in the bathroom or someone in the last class who was waiting to talk to their professor. on the day in question by the time i got to the classroom all the chairs were taken save one that had a backpack in it. there was still a line of people waiting to talk to the professor of the class before mine, so i stood by the chair waiting to see if it was any of theirs. once everyone from that class had cleared the room and the bag was still there i asked around to see if anyone knew whose it was. somebody said they thought they’d seen a girl leave it there but didn’t know if she was in our class or coming back or what. eventually everyone was settled, the doors to the classroom were closed, and the professor began the lecture. the bag owner was still nowhere to be found, so i moved the bag to the floor and took the seat. **half an hour** later the bag owner finally showed up and told me to get out of her seat. there were a dozen people on the floor she would have had to climb over to get from the door to the chair. i said no, i’m sitting here. she said she had just gone to the dining hall “real quick,” and demanded i give her the seat. i said “there were no seats left and you weren’t here.” she said “i left my bag there. it’s my seat.” at this point we were already disrupting half the class with our stage whispering, so i said “you weren’t here” and turned my attention back to the lecture. she begrudgingly sat on the floor by the door for the rest of class. if it’d been a bathroom trip gone awry or she’d been 10 minutes late i probably would have moved, but the dining hall was easily a 10-minute walk from the classroom and always crowded at that time of day. from her point of view i had moved her stuff, ignored the universal sign for “this chair is saved” by taking the chair, and refused to move when the rightful owner returned. from my point of view she took a chair knowing she’d be at least 30 minutes late to class, knowing she’d be depriving a classmate who was there the whole time of a seat, and knowing she’d have to climb over a dozen people when she made it back to class. tl;dr: there were no seats left when class started, so i moved a bag and took the last seat. bag owner arrived half an hour late to class and demanded i vacate the chair. aita for refusing? | nta | nta. i don’t know what the courtesy time is on item-seat-saving but given the context, 15 minutes past doors-closed seems more than polite. i easily justify this in my mind with a hypothetical: what if it had been 6 friends saving those seats and depriving on-time folks of precious seating 30-minutes past? perhaps even the professor would have stepped in and declared the reservations null. | nta. i don't like 'saving seats' anyway. if you know damn good and well the class is crowded, you get there and put your ass in the seat. if you have somewhere else to be, you take your chances. like another user said, i'd be pissed at the school. i don't pay to sit on the floor and not see the freaking board. | 3 |
9vh6q1 | aita for not participating in a group project but getting the credits? | this story has come to mind as it had happened 3 years ago when i was in university. we were assigned groups of three to design, brand and sell a fmcg (fast moving consumer goods) package. myself (op), mega b*tch (mb) and nice guy (ng) were groped together despite barely talking to each other, we were the left overs that were swept into a group... day one of the group project and we had decided on the idea, we were to create a range of orange juice cartons, we had decided on color schemes, the name, all the basic branding. this project was fitting together and myself, mb and ng were getting along. day two, in the morning i had woken up with a sore throat, dry cough and general aches throughout my body, my flat mates were experiencing similar symptoms and so we had decided to quarantine and stay in the flat. i had notified my group via facebook messenger and ng was understanding, mb complained saying i was dead weight. after explaining my situation i offered to work from home (this was a design class and so i had all the software available on my laptop). mb refused, saying something like "it wouldn't be the same" if i were to work on it from home. day three, still sick, mb messages me asking if i'm going to be arriving to today's meeting. i had slept most of day two and so i hadn't seen this message yet. i said i would try to get out of bed but couldn't, i called the doctor and booked an appointment, nothing open until the next day. day four, mb has blocked me on facebook and disbanded the chat group, at this point it's just me talking to ng, i ask if i can contribute at all and he declines, telling me i shouldn't participate. i go to the doctors office, get a note and get my drugs. day five, i feel amazing, the drugs worked and so i go to class, it's presentation day and so our groups are presenting their projects, myself, mb and ng are called forward, mb tries to get a word in but the lecturer didn't care and shut her down, told us we had 5 minutes to sell our product, mb and ng had speech cards handy, i had my notes from day 1. we sold the product to the point we got an average mark. i got my credits, had it placed in my portfolio and got an award for achieving a certain grade on all my projects. i explained my situation to my tutor and he told me i still did my part but i feel guilty that i was mooching off of the group, ng and myself still keep contact and i even got him a job designing websites for a firm, mb still has me blocked and according to my other friends i get bought up as a mooch every once and a while when she has a few too many drinks... so aita? | nta | nta. you were willing to contribute and mb refused it. | nta- you were sick and still offered to work from home. it’s not like you were goofing off while the others did the work. | 15 |
9vh7fj | aita for not wanting to wake back up to help my brother with homework he knew he had all night? | it was 10:00pm and my house knows i (17m), go to bed at 9:15pm. my mother comes and wakes me up to make me help him and i said it isn’t my problem and i shouldn’t have to worry about someone who doesn’t try on their work anyways. she snapped yelled at him, “your brother is gonna make you fail.” am i an asshole for being annoyed that i was woken up? i can’t go to sleep later or i fall asleep in class. | nta | nta. if he knows you go to bed at 9:15 then he should’ve asked sooner | nta. unless you told him otherwise, then no, you're not. | 1 |
9vhgsu | aita for telling my girlfriend to do something about her skin? | ive been with my girl for awhile (3+ years). shes always had a little bit of a skin issue.. nothing crazy. but over the past 2 years, it went from okayish to bad and now its the worst i’ve seen it. the crazy part? she seems to not care. she washes her face, minimal make up, all the little things. but its getting worse almost by the day. i love her but my attraction level to her is at a very low point.. we’re both mid-20s and to be honest, this is a pretty big issue. i’ve told her countless times, in a very plesant tone, that i think she should see a doctor for it. she shrugs it off as her “diet needs fixing” or more water. well ok..but she never makes the changes then. i love her but her not really seeming bothered by it is making me uncomfortable. aita? tldr: my girls acne is making me lose attraction. i say go to a doctor and get it fixed. she claims its diet but doesn’t make any effort to change anything and i am not a happy boyfriend; attraction level at its lowest. aita for suggesting she get help? aita for feeling like this? | nta | nta, but this could be a touchy subject. | i’m a girl and had this problem for years. my husband never said anything negative but used to bring it up sometimes in a caring and helpful way. but ultimately it’s up to her to do something. i had acne for years. from 13 all the way to 31. i’m 33 now. there’s a few things i suggest you do (since you say she isn’t so bothered to address it one way or the other) 1) don’t be negative about her skin in any way 2) never bring it up, even nicely, if her day sucks 3) buy her stuff that will help. like new make up brushes, micellar water to remove makeup at night before washing her face/shower. buy her new face wash and moisturiser, an organic one. a new towel and pillow case. wash these often. don’t get her any exfoliating products. these exasperated my acne. suggest just to rinse face with water in the morning. less is more when it comes to acne. don’t use that harsh acne treatment crap. help her to not pick/touch her face. buy her a cute water bottle to help her drink water. no sugar (that’s a big one but a good one) maybe see if she will have a rest day once a week no makeup. or just wear a little powder. no thick foundation or concealer. go on the pill. don’t pick spots or squeeze blackheads (eww) but the less she does stuff to her skin, the better. i hope it gets better, it really makes you miserable and low self esteem forever, even when acne goes. then it’s scarring to deal with 😭 oh i didn’t actually answer your question. nta | 4 |
9vhp7y | aita if i told my boyfriend he can’t play video games all night? | my boyfriend’s pc is in the bedroom. he doesn’t come to bed with me at night because he’s not tired. instead he plays video games all night and wakes me up in the middle of the night. i get that he wants to play games but like can’t he play during the day and not wake me up in the middle of the night? is it too much to ask for him to come to bed with me? | nta | nta; interrupting your sleep is not acceptable. | nta. you aren’t against his gaming, and he should be respectful of your sleep. | 6 |
9vhzu3 | wibta if i took all of my things when moving out? | my roommate is a friend of mine who i have been living with for about 7 months. it’s been a little rocky over the past few months. nothing major, but she’s loud (answers all phone calls on speaker, turns tv up all the way even when she knows i’m trying to sleep and can hear it, etc) and doesn’t really respect my space or things (goes in my room without asking and moves my things) despite me repeatedly asking her not to touch my stuff and it’s just really driving me nuts. her boyfriend is moving in town soon, so we talked about it and decided to have him take over my lease and i’ll be moving into my girlfriends place. this is fine, but i own the majority of the things in our common spaces, like the tv, various shelves, dishes, lamps, etc, and she’s mentioned letting her borrow them after i move out because i won’t need them at my new place. this is somewhat true. i won’t need them at the place i’m moving into, but could still use them and will definitely need them at future places, or i could sell them. i mentioned that she could buy some of it from me if she wants and she kind of scoffed at that. i really appreciate her friendship even though we weren’t great roommates, but don’t want to leave my things in her possession because they could get ruined or never returned. i’m worried she’ll be angry with me if i don’t leave some things. so, would i be the asshole if i moved all of my things when i leave? | nta | nta, it’s your shit. make absolutely certain that you get you name off lease, power, water, internet the day you move out. i have been burned before through sheer negligence and cost me hundreds of dollars. | nta because it’s your stuff. but have you talked to her about the loudness? i ask because i used to do all that and found that i was partially deaf. i really didn’t know i was so loud. i’m just wondering if she thinks you’re making a big deal about the tv and phone because she doesn’t realize she’s hard of hearing. either way it doesn’t excuse the behavior or going through your stuff | 12 |
9viava | aita for telling my gf i don’t want her to hang out with our old boss anymore? | i worked at a place for a year last year. i left because of the boss. he’s objectively unfair. picks favorites. fires people on the spot if they show any disinterest in working there. he’s a narcissist. he was a piece of shit to everyone that worked for him...*except* my gf. so i moved on to a new company and took my gf w me. i go out of town this week for some work related shit and my gf asks me if i would be upset if she hung out w him....i said yea. note-ex boss man is *flammin’* ass gay so i know there’s nothing to worry about there...it’s just that he’s a piece of shit. this is not my opinion. this is a locally accepted fact that he is an shit person. he is universally hated among the people that work in my town.... so when my girlfriend asked me what my concern was about her hanging out w him, i said “my concern is that he enjoys anything in life and he doesn’t deserve your friendship or *any* friendship from anyone. he has a dog for that.” btw this dude has no friends (because he’s a piece of shit) so i kind of took pleasure in the thought of him being lonely. and the thought of my gf (or anyone) taking the time to be nice to him disgusts me. tldr; read the title | yta | yta, obviously. 1. your gf can talk to whoever she wants 2. you’re acting like a school yard bully, “no one be friends with him” 3. although you deny being homophobic, you come across somewhat homophobic by feeling the need to bring that up i award you 3xyta | yta. if they get along, then what is the problem. just because you don't like someone doesn't mean everyone else has to not like them. | 4 |
9vjf56 | aita for wanting my new girlfriend to take an std test before we get physical? | i want to take an std test and show her that i'm clean, and i'd want her to do the same to me. it's not that i think she has an std, but i feel like it's always better to be safe than sorry. am i an asshole for wanting to bring this up? | nta | no it's good practice to get checked with new partners. nta | nta. you are doing exactly what your should do before you become physical. | 313 |
9vjm79 | aita for ending a relationship/conspiring to cheat because she wouldn't have sex? | i was in a relationship for three years until i couldn't take it anymore and almost thought about cheating on her because she wouldn't have sex. we made out a lot, had a lot of fun and was probably the best relationship i've ever had but the lack of sex was frustrating and she was very evasive everytime i'd try to talk about it. i broke up with her but we still talk and she's still very salty about it and tells me how i could do anything for sex. but it was such a catch because she wouldn't let me have sex with her and i couldn't go out and cheat on her (which i have considered tbh). i do feel like a jerk for doing this to her since i do think i love her but the other option would have been to cheat ( which i was conspiring to do as well). i've practically begged and cried for sex and it makes me feel pretty bad about myself. i don't understand how i'm to be judged for this. | nta | i would say nta, although some are gonna say youre an asshole for "pressuring her" into sex but since you didnt cheat on her and left her | nta, you two were not compatible. people will act like physical intimacy isn’t important in a relationship but it really is for most people. she wasn’t going to change so you did the adult thing and moved on. | 4 |
9vjp9l | aita for moving back to my hometown to escape what i consider an abusive relationship? | buckle up folks because this is a long one. so about 2 and a half years ago i reconnected with a girl i met online from canada that really seemed to click with me, we shared alot of personal interests, links, etc. she was in this on off thing with another guy and living with an abusive father. she sends me a nude which causes the on off guy to flip out on me over skype and i not wanting drama backed off for awhile but something about her hooked me like a drug. we start talking again and she says she wants to be with me and builds up the idea of a dream future. i'm into it naturally but she seems really avoidant of making our status known to anyone which is fine, shes got that weird ex right? so i message a mutual friend and he blows up and starts a shitstorm of drama because she was evidently sexting him, the ex, and making plans with me. i have alot of drama in the place i'm living at the time and see red flags so i deuce and end up in another relationship that i rapidly lose interest in but hang around because it's better than where i was before (i am the asshole for that i know) jump forward 6-7 months and she starts messaging me on skype again and we reconnect as friends and i tell her i still think about her and flirt a bit, a week or two later she sends a picture of her wet panties to my skype while i'm at work and current gf sees it at home and almost kicks me out making me homeless across the country from family so once again seeing a red flag i block her on everything, 4 months later current gf cheats on me when i play fallout 4 after it comes out for 3days so i say screw it and deuce. being in a bad place mentally and stuck moving in with parents again because my car died in a flood and i didnt have much money, i cant stop thinking about canada girl so i unblock and message her, shes moved out of her dads, broken things off with the ex more completely and now has an american trucker friend paying for her apartment while she is slowly slipping into depression from abusive father and ex(he had been visiting her a few times at this point) we hit it off again and trauma bound over childhood stuff (toxic abusive mother and constant fighting as i grew up with step dad) and one day she just vanishes for 18 hours and i panic because shes had several prior suicide attempts. i call numerous people trying to figure out if shes okay including a guy who she hung out with irl sometimes, he flips out on me and tries to tell me to go find an american girl so that sets off a weird flag... she calls me a short time later with a black eye and mad i contacted her friend up there (i somehow ignored alot of red flags) suddenly she drops a bomb on me, her dad showed up and hit her "accidentally" because she wouldn't hug him and she also breaks down and informs me of just how abusive he was when she lived with him. in the following month she spirals out hardcore, trucker friend lost job, she isnt working, food runs out, shes starving slowly to death, suddenly starts acting really strange and informs me she ordered helium to off herself. i call a crisis team immediately because i've fallen hard at this point and i've lost several friends to suicide so its terrifying to just let someone go through that, cop and psych lady show up, ask questions, she convinces things are fine and they leave. she panics after because she self medicated for epilepsy with weed and didnt want to get in trouble but she also cancels the helium order. at this point she starts disappearing on me again but i dont give up because i'm terrified she'll off herself. turns out shes talking to abusive ex again, so i in my infinite wisdom, somehow get roped into a 3 way relationship for the sake of getting her away from stalker father and not ending up homeless or starving to death. trucker guy also has job again at this point and wants to help too (hes her friend of 15 years who has always been hung up on her but she refuses to date because shes not into him) so the first 3 months of the 2 year shit saga begin... i fly up, the other 2 drive up a week later, i help her get her passport renewed, clean up her apartment (which is a disgusting wreck, she was letting her dog shit on the balcony and it was like 4 inches thick but i was in the army and a plumber at one point so fuck it, shes been through some fucked up shit, i'll clean the place nbd) she meanwhile fucks me like crazy and ignored her ex and tells me she just roped him in to help get this all done (hes already been a sleezebag, i moved in with him shortly before going up to canada and his place was a shithole too and i guess i have a bleeding heart) and shed drop him after. so first we drive all the way to trucker guys hometown with ex guy trying to sexualize her and grope her every chance he got despite her trauma and her not initiating and obviously being uncomfortable and telling him to stop. after a weird argument there with her being pissed with everyone but me; me her and ex continue to his place against everything she had told me before, basically i end up having 2 or 3 threesomes minus the fact the guy gives a weird vibe, her and ex start having arguments that spiral into insanity and end with her locking herself in the bathroom and self harming(no shame, just stating for clarity) and only allowing me in to calm her down, he knocks her up but we dont know it at the time (i'm sterile from birth because mom smoked and drank while pregnant, its caused 2 other relationships to end which is why i got tested because having a kid wasnt working out) and she starts getting really sick he takes her to hospital while i'm at work and i get a call saying he "lost her" she freaked out and had an argument and let her walk off in a major city by herself in a delirious state and she gets lost and almost snatched but she goes knocking on doors and a stranger helps her back. a day or two later upset at him, she goes through his laptop and desktop. first she finds out he cheated on her with 14 other people and then she finds 10 gigs of .... well some shit you just cant fucking unsee. it's all i can do not to kill the bastard and i feel sick af about everything, she blows up his facebook, he comes home, immediately wipes hard drives and destroys computers while we pack up and gtfo. queue feb of 2017, it's already been the most insane shit i've ever been apart of in my life, but she has me hooked and convinced we need eachother. we move up to trucker guys hometown and he helps us get set up before she starts getting really sick again (we hadn't been eating well at this point because money got drained away by her "needing" weed, bills and ex guy being literal garbage) so we take her to a hospital there, she finds out shes 3-4 months pregnant and insists on abortion because it's ex guys kid and hes a pedo. i personally do not support abortion myself but i do believe in your body your choice. we end up going to the wrong clinic and it gets botched, she almost bleeds out but makes it, recovery is long and i spend the next few months keeping the house somewhat clean (i've been the only one cleaning since this started) and we have a backyard now so i lax on walking the dogs. meanwhile with no vehicle i've found a job 1.5 miles away from the house at a mcdonalds and it's the best i can do but i'm walking there and back every day and i start losing steam on keeping up with the housework solo while she recovers for the next 3-4 months evidently, in this time i catch her flirting with other guys online and lying to me about things, she also caught me apologizing to my previous ex in secret because with what i've let go at this point, breaking up with her and deucing seemed pretty shit. shes not getting periods at this point, something is wrong, not pregnancy, some super rare shit where uterine tissue turns into bone and it blocks the way. so she has to have another surgery around this time last year, they fail at fixing it and retry (successfully) a few weeks later and she has to have a catheter for a week, in this time period she told me shed leave if i didnt let her have an open relationship and i caved because i have problems and we've already been through so much and she still talks about suicide. i say it's okay as long as i'm informed/involved and she starts acting shady. i had work the day of the first surgery and i came home and had a weird feeling after some recent arguments about her suddenly telling me shes poly and how i'm not meeting her needs (but she doesnt want to have sex at this point because pain, ex, trauma, etc.) and i find out shes been lying to me about video chatting with a guy who bought her a vibrator and she was sexting him the whole time and logs prior to her getting me to agree to the open relationship thing (meanwhile i have no desire to pursue anyone else, i have enough to deal with) so i send her a text saying "we need to talk" and she flips out and says i'm a piece of shit for causing her anxiety when she just had surgery and it turns into the first of many terrible arguments where she turns everything around on me. christmas eve me and trucker guy have been making trips to colorado to get her weed, the red a horrible blizzard, hes a dumbass and i warn him to slow down and we get into an almost fatal wreck with the trailer of a semi, trucks totaled, hes fine, i have bruised ribs from bouncing off center console (get a ford f150 if you wanna feel safe lol) we have to jump through some hoops but we make it home in time for xmas, a few days later shes picking fights about me walking the dogs or doing housework because she just had surgery but i'm still going to my new job at a phone store making more money and supporting us both with bruised ribs which is agony in and of itself, fast forward (there's alot of fights she starts over minor shit like housework and how i promised to take care of her like every few days from now on.) march 8th, 7:03am.... i get a sudden call from my younger sister, our mother isnt waking up.. a few days later and full of mixed emotions (she was an abusive narcissist who would steal the adderall i was prescribed as a kid, but was also extremely sweet and loving at times) i'm standing at her funeral...we had not talked in almost a year, and the last time was before i went to help this girl in canada and it was a nasty argument where she told me not to come back when this one screwed me over too.... i come back, she starts a fight over why i even went to my mother's funeral, insinuated that i was cheating on her with my sister and the usual chore shit, to which i'd naturally be very frustrated but yet the most i'd do was raise my voice and then shed start calling me abusive , saying she was going back to canada, tell me she hates me, and then these fights would end with her blaming it on ptsd or the xanax she was now being prescribed for the anxiety she now had. meanwhile in the next month shes getting money from a guy she says shes doing "art" for, and then i go to check the time on our tablet one morning and what do i see? her sending nudes to the guy, so i talk to him after arguing with her and her telling me it was just 1 and blaming it on taking an extra xanax (.25mg btw) and he informs me he had no idea i didnt know, she told him it was open and that i was aware, but shed sent him 19 or so since fucking january when i almost died getting her medicine, so i'm livid, i say i'm leaving, she convinces me he was exaggerating to break us up and somehow convinces me to stay, at this point you'd think shed help with housework, i mean my mom died and she cheated on me right? no she keeps starting arguments and blame shifting until.... a week ago shes drinking and mixing that with her xanax, i'm depressed and enabling it because i want to drink anyways and anytime i suggest she not, she says i'm calling her an alcoholic and convincing her i'm abusive, i've noticed shes started being real friendly with her ex from like 5-6 years ago who lives in the same town as trucker guy and who we've been friends with. she drops the info that he told her hes got 20k saved up but not to tell anyone else. she starts spiraling out and i'm consoling her in my arms as she cries about her abusive father and the things he did when suddenly she starts talking about how shes doing everything on her own ( shes a canadian citizen who has overstayed by well over a year now and cant have a job and she has done housework ie picking up dog pop or vacuuming or walking her two dogs maybe a handful of times and she refuses to do laundry and did dishes maybe twice, yes i kept score after her starting numerous arguments about it) i try to defuse it by saying "woah hey now babe that's not true" to which she says "fuck you you asshole" and moves away from me across the room. i'm really tired of these arguments at this point because they all go the same way so i grab the cigarettes and slam the door a bit on the way outside to smoke because i'm frustrated at constantly being put down when i work my ass off to support her and her bad habits and try to make her comfortable and be as supportive as i can until she starts attacking me. she locked me outside in 28 degree weather with nothing but a light coat and pajamas on, luckily i always keep my keys in my coat so i let myself back in, and dont say a word to her as i go and sit at my desk and she cussed me out and berates me as i walk by, eventually i turn around in my chair as she continues and say "alright love i really think you've had too much to drink" to which she responds by threatening to call the police and have me removed from the house solely i am paying for. the fight escalated from there to her calling and crying to her trucker friend as i angrily tried to explain how fucked up that all was and how you shouldnt do that to people you care about, which he remained switzerland about despite her trying to convince him i was somehow being the abusive one, eventually the fight peter's out, in typical fashion she apologizes for her behavior, i say i'm fine with just chalking it up to alcohol and xanax being a bad combo. she brings the fight back up each night and cuts me down to the point where i dont even argue anymore i just go to bed and cry myself to sleep the next few days. day before yesterday, i wake her up to kiss her goodbye before i head to work. she snaps at me so i apologize for waking her up and head to work, walking still because shes been draining our money dry every paycheck so i still dont have a car. she spam calls my phone 6 times, belittles me over text and makes alot of passive aggressive comments while saying that i left while she was talking (in a different room and i would have been late otherwise) which makes me passive aggressive and rude according to her. argue a bit over text, i get busy actually doing my job, spend the rest of my shift explaining how i'd like to talk things out when were both sober and that i haven't felt so great about the way things have been going. she suddenly tells me we cant talk tonight because shes not sober and implies i was calling her an alcoholic. she then starts sending me lewd texts and i realize trucker guy and 5 year ago ex are over at our place (shes been convincing them to buy her shit and take her on shopping sprees while talking shit about them to me about how they sexualize her) i get off work at midnight, trucker guy goes home, i start drinking because i'm hoping we can just chill and hang out. i start noticing her hanging off him, she makes sexual comments about how we both better not get any ideas and i point out that shes the only one making things sexual, i notice her feel him up, and then she makes a joke at my expense about some deeply personal shit so i move to the other room and drink straight out of the bottle because i really do t want to fight, i get roped into cooking bacon despite her talking about how she'll do it "the right way" and just being demeaning, so i popped off with some snappy comeback at which point she gets pissed off and starts causing a scene and i try to go off and have a cig, long story short she threatened me with police again, admitted to wanting to screw her ex, called me inadequate at which point i started screaming "shut the fuck up" which she recorded so i deduced off to bed while she acted hurt. i woke up, woke her up, told her she better start figuring her shit out because i was done, sent her some really cutting text messages about taking responsibility for herself, told her i hated her at this point for all the shit she put me through, packed my shit and deduced, and now i'm here on my dads couch. but, on the way home i learned from a few people that shes had a long history of emotionally manipulating men into supporting her and she hasn't had a job for longer than a few months in years. am i the asshole for how i left? was enough enough? i've spent the past 24 hours cycling between being pissed and crying. really sorry if it's tl;dr, it's been a long two years and i left out a bit but you get the idea. tl;dr canadian gf comes to america amidst fucked up situations in every conceivable way, turns out to be an emotionally manipulative liar who has been mooching off people for years. also she checks this subreddit, but i didnt name names, she was the one who suggested i come here for perspective. | nta | clearly nta. you tried your best, in the end it was slowly destroying you, you did what was best. | nta but seriously dude get away while you can. i totally get being caught up with a person and ignoring certain bad things about a person but she is not good for you. you need some time alone so you can really understand that you deserve so much better. she has a lot of issues (some are not completely her fault) but she needs to work them out and not take them out on some poor sucker. and yes, this was an abusive relationship. | 9 |
9vk4o6 | aita for defending myself at work? | i work at a pretty big box retail store when i was hired on it was to be the sporting goods associate. so my duties would be managing the ammo/knife counter, doing hunting/fishing licenses and sticking that area. but about two months after i was hired the hardware associate that works the same shift as me left so they told me to work hardware and sporting goods at the same time. since they are right next to my department i can keep an eye on the paint counter and their customers without to much trouble. shortly after that they let go of the housewares associate. they tole me to look after that department too. that one is more of a struggle because it is turned diffrent than my other two. recently they have been calling me to the front to be cashier for a few hours a day or to push carts for awhile. when i go to a front register or push carts i am supposed to pass my keys to management because i wont be able to leave a line to come back and work my counter. the last time i was called up there i tried to give my keys to the front end manager. me here i can't here them call me while i'm outside her what do you expect me to do with these? me i cant have them on me when i'm outside so i have to give them to management her well i'm not going to take them as she walked off she badmouthed me loudly in front of customers and other associates. so i just went outside and pushed carts till my lunch then asked if i could come in. a little while later i'm called to the office where her and two senior managers are waiting for me. she told them that i gave her attitude about the keys and that she felt like i was telling her i couldn't work both at once. so they wrote me up. she even told them word for word how she popped off to me and that she went into the conversation angry. they then sent her out and told me that i could always be doing more work and that i dont do enough currently. at that point i didnt understand i told them that i usually run three departments on my own and do carts or register at the front every day. but they still said i could be doing more and that they disliked my tone. at that point i was really really upset and i asked them what they expected. their cutting my hours and keep asking for more i've been asking for full time for months and every time i ask they promise next month well have enough hours to give it to you but it never comes. so they wrote me up again for attitude and warned me that one more would cost me my job. aita for trying to defend myself? | nta | nta. in my opinion they're looking for a cheap part time worker who works more than fulltime (not in hours but in tasks) and gets close to no hours payment. try to find a better job where you don't have to beg for the appropiate time/ amount of work and stop them from exploiting your diligent working attitude to save money on hours. | nta, but arguing with them is clearly not going to get you anywhere. your bosses don't care about you, they care about how much money they're making. if they can get you to do the work of three people for the price of one, that saves on paying two other people. if they can up that to four... try to find another job. | 16 |
9vk9x8 | aita to be annoyed when a friend calls himself a veteran? | my buddy served in the navy for 6 years. on his first trip out on a boat, they hit rough water and he got horribly seasick. he was too frightened to go back out and was put on desk duty before being medically discharged 5 years later, essentially for getting too out of shape to pass a physical. he constantly describes himself as a veteran in the same terms as those who saw conflict - so am i the asshole for thinking he’s not what people think when they say “veteran”? | nta | nta to be upset, since your friend is basically trying to get treated like a hero when they didn't do anything heroic in the way that we often think of active duty being. that said, desk jobs are important too so you don't want to go too far with this, imo. i'm a civilian with lots of military friends if that helps any. | you’re nta but here’s some info from a veteran. i fought in iraq and was awarded a purple heart. let him call himself a veteran. i don’t care. none of us care. he’s not winning some amazing contest. i don’t even care about people wearing uniforms that they never earned. who cares? at the end of the day he knows what he did and he will live in fear his whole life that someone will call him out. it will eat him up. | 59 |
9vkcla | aita for not wanting to waste food? | i'm at a local rib joint, nothing fancy but i liked their food. i was 21 at the time and the server looked to be around my age or slightly younger. i order a large serve of ribs and a juice and the conversation is below, slightly paraphrased due to memory but essentially the same: server: you know if you get the meal it's actually cheaper. me: but i won't be able to finish the chips. can you just charge me for the meal and not give me the chips? server: ummm... if you ordered it then i have to give it to you. me: (very calmly, not sassy or anything) so you'd rather give me the chips and have me throw them away in front of you? server: ummm... me: that's okay. i'll just take the large ribs and the juice please. a few friends told me i should have just taken the meal and thrown the chips away but that's just wasteful. was i too mean to the server? | yta | personally, i would have asked for the chips to go, but i think the best way to tell whether yta or not would be the tone. i think you were a little sharp with them from your wording, considering they just do what they're told. maybe they've got inventory to worry about. idk. | yta for giving the server a hard time. they were trying to do you a favor. | 3 |
9vkvq9 | aita for refusing to go if i get to a stop sign after someone and they wave me forward. | i don’t know what it is about my city. maybe people are just trying to be nice. but i honestly get so infuriated with how often people try to wave me forward even though they get to a stop sign first. it’s gotten to the point where it happens so often if that happens i just flat out refused to go and sit there until they go. if i do this, does that make me an asshole? | nta | nta. it is generally illegal to direct traffic, from my understanding. if they decide to go after waving you through, and hit you, you are at fault. personally, i also find it condescending. so i either park or set my handbrake when they do it. | nta as long as you make it very clear that you're not going to follow their directions. if you just sit there and stare, there's no way for them to tell that you've seen and acknowledged them, so now they have to deal with you being unpredictable to them and possibly end up compromising their attention and making a mistake. make sure you make eye contact and do something clearly visible, like shake your head no. this reestablishes the order of the situation clearly and lets them go on to make their decisions asap with as little confusion as possible. remember, good driving is about being predictable. help others predict what you're doing. | 4 |
9vl2bs | wibta for apologizing to my ex? | so my ex and i have been broken up for two years, we dated for three years. i broke up with her because we were in a long distance relationship for 2 months (we both had to go different colleges) and i felt extremely depressed (being in a new environment, not knowing anyone or anything, being alone) and confused about life. so i messaged her telling her i wanted a breakup, telling her my situation and she basically didn't give a shit. so after breaking up with her and even though she didn't care about me, i instantly regretted it and felt even more alone, wondering how someone could be so cruel and uncaring after i spent 3 years with them, and fell into an even deeper depression. i felt so bad i even had thoughts of self-harm. five months later i felt horrible and i felt so alone, so i texted my ex, telling her i really missed her and that i loved her and she coldly told me to stop contacting her. i've sent her a few texts over the years but i think she blocked me and is mad at me since she hasn't responded (though the texts i've sent are very friendly). thing is, i think things have really cooled down, my depression has gotten better, and since we haven't talked for over a year, i was wondering if i would be the asshole to try and smooth things over and possibly get the relationship back or is she the asshole for not even trying and listening? | yta | yta. leave the girl alone. you broke up a long relationship with her over a **text message**. she was probably pissed at you and lost all respect for you. then you come back later and she tells you to leave her alone. so leave her alone. doing it again will just be harassment. | nta for wanting to feel better, but yta for putting that on her shoulders. she's moved on. you need to, too. good luck, get some help, adopt a cat, etc. | 23 |
9vlo9q | wibta if i cut in front of people who jumped the line? | there’s s tim hortons i go to at much that’s really busy because everyone from my school goes there. a lot of the time a huge group of people will just jump in line right in front of me. would i be the asshole if i just cut in front of them? | nta | nta. they cut, take your place back. | nta. although petty, they cut you first, so you might as well get your own position back and save a few seconds of waiting. | 4 |
9vm75t | wibta if i took a stray kitten to | ————— i found a kitten in front of my condo at 9pm last thursday. i stood outside for 20 minutes and let her climb trees hoping i’d find somebody searching for her but nobody else was outside. she followed me into my house and i got her food and a litter box. i just didn’t feel comfortable leaving her out to be eaten by the foxes. she’s about 2 or 2 1/2 months old, so she is kinda prime adoption age. i put up flyers around my neighborhood, my friend who lives in the same neighborhood put her up on the next door app. i never found the owner. problem is - i’m allergic. she can’t stay here. i’ve asked everyone i know and nobody wants a kitten. my neighbor got my hopes up and said his ex and his friend wanted kittens but both of those fell through. i keep her in my bathroom all night while i sleep and every time i am not at home because my home isn’t kitten proof and i have a very expensive couch that she’s already ripped. i feel bad making her stay in the bathroom but i really didn’t ask for this. i really tried hard to find her a home and haven’t had any luck and she deserves a home where she is wanted and where she can run around and play and not get in trouble for being a kitten. would i be an asshole if i took her to the humane society? i don’t like the idea because they kill animals if they can’t be adopted but she is a kitten and i think she could be adopted, i just feel really bad because i don’t like supporting shelters that kill animals, but this adorable kitten deserves a better home than mine and the longer she is here the more i feel like she must feel like a kidnap victim :( tl;dr: i found a kitten, can’t find the owner, i’m allergic - would i be an asshole if i took her to the humane society? | nta | nta. it’s not your fault you’re allergic. giving him up now would give him the best chance at being adopted since he is so young. you could always donate some $ every month that you would have spent on cat food/litter/shots/flea meds, the humane society could always use it. then you’d be indirectly “adopting” *all* the cats :) | nta. this happened to me a couple months ago. also i would make a post on nextdoor (like facebook for your neighborhood) about the kitten. someone who knows something about it might see it. | 7 |
9vmbb9 | aita for telling my friends their puppy isn't allowed over? | my friends got a puppy. she was infested with fleas from day 1. i don't want fleas in my home or my pets to be infected with something, so i said 'can you wait until the all clear from the vet'? no problem. they got the all clear and started leaving the puppy with me to babysit or to hang out. i start to notice that sometimes my animals are showing signs of bugs, even though they're treated. i am also covered in bites. the itching happens only after the puppy is over and lasts a few days. i check the dog, and she's covered in bugs. i ended up finding out that she's never been tested or treated for any parasites! i've now said the dog is no longer allowed over at all. and i will not let them in if they have the dog with them. they think i'm over reacting and have stopped coming over. a neighbor sided with them saying "if your pets are medicated and vaccinated, what's the problem?" am i being an asshole about this? i just got a text from another friend saying i'm a bitch for not helping them out with their dog. and that my pets probably gave the dog the fleas. (my cats are indoor only and get revolution every 4 weeks) is that possible? | nta | nta. i'd ask them to cover the cost for flea treatment | nta. that poor dog. your friends are terrible pet owners. | 46 |
9vmzho | aita for making my friend pay for a holiday that they backed out on? | so to provide background, two friends and myself planned a trip together and decided to rent an airbnb house for a week. we planned well in advance (6 months) and i agreed to pay for it upfront on my credit card 50% at that time and then the remaining 50% would come out before our trip. everything was going well, everyone had sent me the money and i put it into a separate bank account that would pay for the trip. now one week before our trip one of my friends decided he couldn't afford to go on the trip and backed out, requesting that i send him back his money. at this time everything that was owed had been paid meaning that if i send him back his money his share would have to be split between me and my other friend. i told him that we all agreed to go on this trip together and made the plans accordingly and it isn't fair for him to drop out 1 week before hand and expect us to pay the extra money. i haven't given him any money and am not planning too ... am i wrong in this situation? | nta | nta, backing out one week before and then expecting the money back is ridiculous. | nta. they made a deal. they couldn't hold their end of the bargain. | 5 |
9vn03t | aita for insisting my ex call our daughter before 9:30 pm & putting a limit the number of times he calls when there’s no answer? | obviously, i am divorced from my ex-husband. we have been separated since 2009 but the divorce wasn’t final until 2017. we have two children together a boy who is almost 25 and a girl who is 14. our son is married with a child and is in charge of whatever contact with his father he has. our daughter, on the other hand, lives with me. he has not seen her in three years but he calls her every single night. i have no problem with him calling her. (personally, i wish he would actually try to see her but she says he never offers & when she invited him to school functions he declines). however he will call her at anywhere from 7 pm on. one night it was 1 am because he woke up in the recliner(according to her) and realized he had not talked to her yet that night. he then called her repeatedly until he woke us both up from the phone ringing. there have been many occasions when she has been asleep and he has woken her up when he calls, not to mention the night she was at a friends house watching a movie and when she got finished, she had 27 missed calls from her dad. i want to know if i would be the asshole for telling him ”look, 9:30 pm is the limit. do not call any later. she has school and activities and if she does not answer wait 15 minutes to call back. if she does not answer then, she will call you the next day. “ **update** i hated to do it but i actually ended up putting him on dnd on her phone from 10 pm to 6 am this morning after asking him nicely to stop then asking a few weeks ago not so nicely and him calling at midnite last night. repeatedly. because she was asleep. | nta | nta. im not exactly old or experienced enough to have any good advice, but i know that he shouldnt be disturbing your daughters sleep. maybe he should get some counseling for the separation if it stresses him out enough to do all of that. | nta and i hope you explain to your daughter that her father's behaviour is not normal. he might be unintentionally setting her up for abusive relationship by normalizing what would be red flag behaviour in other context (and this context). your daughter shouldn't be "on call" for whenever he wants to talk to her. the day will come she doesn't want to talk , or is too busy. her schedule and life should be respected. i hope she isn't refusing sleepovers etc so that she can sit by the phone for her dad. | 9 |
9vn562 | wibta if i left my gf home alone after she got a kidney stone removed, to go to a party? | backstory: yesterday my girlfriend was released from the hospital after being there for two days getting a kidney stone removed and recovering. we are supposed to go to a party tonight, but she is on pain killers so drinking is a no go. she does not want to attend and instead has requested me to stay home and take care of her. i want to attend as i rarely get to see this group of friends or go out for that matter. she is given the flexibility to go out when she likes and does so multiple times a month. wibta if i go to this party and leave her at home? | yta | yta if you go. be better than this. | yta. it's always a bummer when you have to miss parties, especially ones like this when you don't get to see the people you were looking to spend time with, but your girlfriend needs you. there will be other parties. | 175 |
9vn5fl | wibta for confronting my friend on a character he made for a roleplay? | basically, one of my friends, who i'll refer to as dylan, is really into roleplaying on the internet, specifically sexual roleplay. i don't judge him, different strokes for different folks, all that. he's previously told me about his account on a specific website, he's shown me his roleplays there, etc. basically, the account is public knowledge. i recently went on to his account, to see if he's still doing it, to discover he's started a new roleplay with sexual undertones, with him roleplaying as a character that seems to be based on my girlfriend. i'm talking same name, same hair color/style, similar heights, similar personality traits, so on and so forth. in the past, dylan has tried to flirt with my girlfriend and i've called him out on it, so i don't think its too far of a reach to assume he could've based a character off of her. it made me uncomfortable, so i showed it to my girlfriend and she feels the same way. would i be an asshole to confront him about his character? i understand it's not actually hurting anyone directly, in my opinion it's more of the idea behind what he's doing. | nta | nta. he’s a creep but you should probably not remain friends. | nta, that’s creepy. confront him, and i would definitely reconsider that friendship. | 124 |
9vn7hw | aita for not caring about a former friend's mental health? | my former friend of six years lied to me about something very important that had to do with my relationship with my boyfriend, and i apologized to my bf about believing my friend over him, and i cut my friend outta my life but now my boyfriend has forgiven him and is now hanging out with him in the past couple of months the friend has been hospitalized for self harm and my boyfriend is trying to get me to be friends with him again, i don't want him to continue to hurt himself but i have no desire to see him again | nta | nta imo. you don’t owe them anything. | nta. you don't have to be friends with someone who has done you wrong. | 2 |
9vngng | aita for muting my special needs coworker on a business call? | a guy i work with is special needs. in any case, i just started a new job and this guy works in my department. every single meeting i’m in with him, which is thankfully infrequent, is completely derailed because he personally answers any question asked and devolves into conversation about irellavant details. the protocol seemed to be to just let him talk, and when he hits a natural stop, say “thanks <name>” and then move on. this strategy generally fails because this man does not breathe. it’s just a single, uninterrupted run-on sentence sometimes spanning one or two minutes where nobody can slip in a “thanks” or “sounds good” so we’re all stuck listening to him. i don’t say anything because i’m relatively new and people just seem to deal with it. whatever, wasted meeting time isn’t the worst thing in the world, just annoying. i eventually talk with my manager, who is on these calls, about him and his useless tangents, who seemed appalled that i even brought this topic up. said that he can be a little long winded but we need to be respectful. keep in mind the majority of these uninvited monologues start on topic, quickly get off track, and will continue relentlessly any time there’s a lull for him to speak. my manager disagrees that this is disruptive behavior. fast forward a couple months, i’m in charge of organizing team meetings and heading a task for a project. lo and behold the project leader brings on dr. rambleton to our project and he’s in the meetings i’ll be heading. cool. first meeting with the team, things are already being derailed, times being wasted. as the person leading the meeting i have a list of things that need to get sorted out, so i politely ask my coworker, who answers other people’s unaddressed questions with things like “i don’t know but you could probably ask <name of other person on the call> i’ve talked to him before.. maybe a couple months ago... for this project the um... (etc.)”, to limit talking in the call for things that are important or relevant. this does not help. i have to once again pause the meeting to ask this guy to only speak when addressed, hoping we can squeeze out what we need to talk about in the little remaining time we have. this does not help so i mute his mic and continue the meeting. we finally get through the itinerary. fast forward later in the day i see some project members and they’re giving me the “not cool, dude” treatment. basically treating me like i was being an asshole to the guy. reminding me that he’s special needs. what the hell am i supposed to do? let him derail our meetings? | yta | >my manager disagrees that this is disruptive behavior. end of story. your boss just told you that this person is allowed to behave that way. (and it sounds to me like your coworkers feel the same way.) yta. if the person is being disruptive to the point where you can't do your job, then a: the manager will deal with that employee or b: the manager will find someone who *can* work with this person and still get their job done. | yta. you're in an annoying situation, but you talked to your manager about his "useless" rants and you were told to leave it alone. you were rude to your coworker with special needs and then after being rude you muted him. it is annoying but you approached this situation like an asshole from the start. if you had approached your manager about keeping conference calls more on topic rather than calling another employee useless perhaps this could have been avoided. or if you approached your coworker before the call to tell him that there was a time limit on the conference call so it would be appreciated if he could be conscientious of that. but you handled this in the worst way possible, yta. | 36 |
9vodbi | wibta for getting a tattoo that’s similar to one that my sister wants? | i’m studying abroad and a local tattoo artist posted a flash sheet of flower tattoos. i’ve always thought they were pretty and was thinking of getting one to commemorate my time here. when i told my sister, she said it wasn’t cool because she wanted something like that as well. this isn’t news to me, i knew she also wanted one, but i don’t see how my getting one detracts from her eventually getting one. am i the asshole? | nta | nta. she has no claim over what you can get tattoo’d or not. she is being petty. | nta. your body, your choice of tattoo. it’d be different f you did it deliberately to piss her off but you straight showed her a tattoo you were interested in and she shot it down because “it’s similar to one i want to get but don’t even have” | 1 |
9vow87 | aita | am i the asshole for ordering a burger a mcdonald's and when they screw it up, i take it back and ask them to redo it? ex. can i get a burger without ketchup? (worker puts it down as a normal burger) | nta | nta - but if you're asking for no ketchup this will probably happen a lot. | definitely nta, tacobell had messed up my order 4 times in a row, all i asked for was no sour cream and they kept messing it up, it sucked. | 8 |
9voydl | aita for getting vocally angry at people for psyching me out with fake punches? | i tend to flinch a lot when things move towards me relatively fast, and i know a handful of people who think it’s the funniest thing in the world to try and psyche me out by pretending they’re gonna punch/slap/kick/etc me, then stopping a few inches from making contact. it works every time. problem is, i really hate this. it makes me uncomfortable at best and furious at worst. every time i’ve told someone to stop, they’ve gotten noticeably more distant towards me, with the exception of one person who i’m still very chummy with. i don’t wanna alienate these people, cause i genuinely enjoy hanging out with them aside from the fakeouts, but they really aren’t enjoyable. is telling them to stop an asshole move? my biggest worry is i’m just being too rude about it when i do bring it up. | nta | nta... completely okay to tell them you don't like it and to stop. | nta but you should try and not make much of a big deal about it. otherwise it will tempt them to annoy you more | 9 |
9vp2bf | aita for disliking my dad because of his depression and alcoholism? | hey, so i just wanted to know if i am at fault here because i feel kinda guilty and have been getting mixed messages. my dad has been very depressed for much of my life and started to reach farther in to alcoholism when i was around nine or ten. there were many times when he would drink a crap ton, take sleeping pills, and pass out instead of pulling through on responsibilities. usually after this he would have a big family apology in which he would do a bit of guilt-tripping, and would promise to never touch another drop. he always touched another drop maybe a few months later. i know that he’s been through a lot in his life, and i know that depression can destroy a person beyond any recognition, but at some level i think that only explains the issues rather than excusing them. these issues are certainly difficult to fix, and i don’t expect them to be fixed instantly, but at the same time i kinda started losing respect for him because of them. i’m worried that i’m only thinking about how i feel with this in a selfish way instead of thinking about what he goes through, but at the same time i know that he caused me a lot of worry and anger and guilt when i was very young, to the point where my biggest fears were finding him dead and/or becoming an alcoholic. i don’t know if i should feel guilty over this or not, and really need some other points of view. if you have any questions i’ll be happy to respond. | nta | nta. sounds like he is toxic for you. | i think you're nta. he doesn't sound like a very reliable parent; he's put you through a lot too. | 6 |
9vpizp | aita for not wanting to pay for someone's gas? | now according to the title, you may obviously immediately think i'm nta, but read the whole thing first. let's get to it. so i was hanging out with a group of friends (maybe 5 other people) and we were all in this public parking lot. then suddenly this random guy walks up to us and says if we could give him some money for some gas. keep in mind that he didn't look like a guy who had no money ( i think he also drove a nissan). all of us didn't know what to say since we all don't really like denying giving people money. it creates the most awkward situation for us. so after a while of back and forth, i say that all i have is my card, and he says to me that if we could drive to the nearest gas station with him to pay for his gas. now, i already said no to having any money, and i didn't want to say no again. so i offer to drive to the gas station with him. but i still had my suspicions that he was just trying to get free gas. so with no evidence on whether he needed gas or not, i just decided to tell him to meet me at the gas station, but i never went there. my friends said that i shouldn't have done that, and that i just wasted what little amount of gas he had, for no reason. aita for doing this? | yta | yta. give or don't, but don't send him on a goose chase. | yta. even if he is trying to get free gas, the right move here would've been just saying no. | 2 |
9vpqs1 | wibta for breaking up with my so because of chronic illness? | we have been together for about 5 or 6 years. about 4 years ago she got super sick, fibromyalgia, and some other nervous system disorder that eludes me atm. she also suffers from chronic asthma and now depression due to her sickness. i pay the rent and utilities and food, and some of her medical bills. to be blunt she is bleeding me dry. i work 6 days a week, generally 50-60 hours in order to pay for everything. we cant stay in a cheaper apartment because she "needs" to live on the first floor (she lived on second story apartments for years, just doesnt want to deal with stairs). we sleep on a full twin adjustable bed that she complains about all the time, she wants me to spend 3k on an adjustable queen size. she "needs" the air kept at 72 degrees (in florida) for her asthma and it jacks up our utilities (not to mention she leaves fans, lights, tvs, and computers on all day). everytime i complain about how much crap and craft supplies she hordes and leaves everywhere she cries and plays the mental illness card. it's getting real old, shes home all day and we constantly look like we just moved in. top it all off with an almost completely dead bedroom and you can see why i am unhappy. but then i think about how just about all of it is caused by her chronic illness. how it is very little that she can control and how little choice she has in her circumstances. i don't want to break up but my happiness is almost non existant since i have to work all the time and spend very little time in the apartment i pay out the nose for. but if i broke up with her, wibta? i dont want to get to the point that she can claim common law marriage. | nta | no. nta. plenty of people have chronic illnesses and still make an income, others adapt their work to their lives. they still contribute despite feeling like death and having a mind/body that malfunctions without warning. as for the asthma, she should be on a preventer (steroid inhaler), to manage it. unmanaged asthma can kill. (my family has asthma). it sounds like she's gotten cushy with being supported and doesn't realise/care that it's a problem. she needs a wake up call. *a.n: i have a bunch of chronic issues i just don't talk about because it gets old to complain about things that don't change. i hurt but my limbs still work, so got into low impact employment and study to get into a better paying field. i also have plenty of friends who have chronic illnesses who still work and one is a mua so... snta.* | nta, i have crohn’s disease and a few other autoimmune conditions and i’ve never been out of work more than 1 month in the last fifteen years. i am in my thirties now and cut my shifts from 4 to three this year, but i still contribute. being out of work tends to make depression etc worse as well. i feel terrible for her she’s in so much pain but it seems like she really doesn’t even try to help (leaving tv and computer on etc) and she definitely could make an income. if she has a ba she can teach english to non english speakers from home, plus as i’ve said, even work physically part time to relieve some stress from you. i don’t technically have to work with my so’s job but i hate not being independent and feeling like a sick person. i think she’s caught in a trap of feeling like a sick person and seeing no way out and also being a bit entitled because of it. there’s deffo ways you guys can come up with to take some pressure off you and give her some form of independence again which could improve her mental state. good luck xx | 5 |
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