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9wj5o9 | aita for hitting my fiancee's child? | look, he's a little devil. he's always rude to my fiancee. but, when it comes to me, he acts so kind and gentle. i've noticed it, and she has too. yesterday, he said he hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. he also said that he'd rather have me as his father than her as his mother. i was shocked even though i already knew that. so, i got up and slapped him. earlier today, he apologized to me and he was just sobbing (still refused to apologize to his mom). i've never felt like more of an asshole than right there but my fiancee keeps saying it's fine. he's nine by the way. | yta | yta. you should not punish someone else's child (especially physically) without talking to the parent first. the parent then decides whether it is appropriate for you to punish him or to wait until she can. i'm sure if you had a child, you would not want another adult to lay their hands on them. | yta mate you slapped someone else's child plus hes only freaking 9. i can not get over the fact she just let you slap her kid with no consequence, that's some questionable shit because that alone would make me think she is not as great as you make her out to be. if that was any female i knows you'd be dead or at least be thrown out with bruises this kid might hate her for a legitimate reason. | 159 |
9wjifg | aita for not caring about stan lee's death? | i never was a big fan of marvel in the first place but reddit is going crazy about his death. my friend told me about his death because of reddit and i said "i know" and he asked what was i gonna do, and i said nothing. he got mad and called me a faggot. i just never got into comic books, movies, or anything else related to marvel or dc. so please tell me aita? | nta | nta, but your friend is. | nta, of course. but your friend is an asshole. | 15 |
9wjnvc | aita for asking my friend to stop playing her music out loud? | in my civics class a girl started playing her modern rap music (which she knows that i can’t stand) without earbuds or headphones or anything in front of the class so i asked her to stop, to which she replied that she didn’t want to. i tried to suck it up but it got on my nerves again when i couldn’t focus so i asked her to stop again and then everyone (including the teacher) told me i was overreacting. i feel bad about it and after discovering this sub i’d like to know, aita? | nta | nta playing music out loud in a public place is generally is a dick move, but there are some scenarios where it is acceptable. this... this is not one of those scenarios. | nta seriously, i'm surprised your teacher let that shit slide. it's a completely avoidable distraction and your friend is being inconsiderate. maybe just bring your own headphones next time. | 8 |
9wjsu6 | aita for not wanting to cook dinner after a 14 hour shift. | so i'm a door engineer. i install and repair automatic doors. i just did a 14+ hour day. 9:30am - 11:30pm. four repairs and two or of hours installations for a bank in london. i drive 3 hours home and for some fucked up reason my girlfriend has gone hungry today like an infant. it's past midnight here in the uk and she asked me as soon as i got home 15 minutes ago to make her some food. i said i can't, i'm gonna have a shower and go to bed, i already ate a pretty big lunch so i wasn't planning on cooking and she goes ballistic. saying i didn't tell her i was going to be gone this late and i didn't tell her when i was home (i did) i asked her, if i was in a car accident and didn't ever come home would she just fucking starve? how hard is it to bring a pizza in the oven and set a timer if she's so hungry. why wait for me to return home and cook. i'm not her dad. she works too but has had over five hours to cook. or order a takeaway. on top of it, she's mad at me for working so much now. i get it, i do work a lot but i'm just trying to pay my mortgage and bills. which she doesn't contribute to despite us having lived together for over a year now. it starts this whole argument and i've now had to go out for a walk. posting this from a park bench. | nta | definitely nta... she needs to grow up and cook for herself. like you said, you aren't her dad. also, maybe she should be contributing to the mortgage and other costs of living there...but that's a separate issue. | nta so she's mad at you for not cooking dinner, but she's been in the house all evening and not even considered that you might be hungry after working a ridiculous shift in what a presume is a pretty physical job? mate. if this is par for the course with this girl i'd consider letting her go. | 126 |
9wjtyp | aita for leaving my single mother to go join the military? | so i’m a 19 year old asian male and i just recently dropped out of college to enlist in the military. i just feel like college isn’t the right thing for me to do atm and the army is something i’ve actually wanted to be a part of for a long time. now here’s the thing: my 50 year old mother and literally my entire family are trying to guilt me out of joining. i live with my mom in the us, while the rest of the family is scattered around canada and asia. mom and dad divorced a decade ago, and i have no siblings so its just been me and her. after i told my mom that i’m joining the army she went crazy and begged me not to. “what?!?! how could you do this to me? you’re just going to leave me here all alone? who is going to keep me company and take care of me as i grow old?” she expects me to live at home with her and take care of her forever. i told her that i’m an adult and i am under no obligation to do that. i need to live my own life. she responded by telling me that i’m a horrible son that is ungrateful for the life she’s given me, while sobbing uncontrollably. what makes things even worse is that the rest of my family are on her side. “your mom is going to be so lonely! don’t you love her??” “she has no husband or any other kids, its your job to make sure she is okay.” “you’re a monster. she’ll most likely kill herself due to the loneliness, and it’ll be on you. all because you wanted to play soldier.” all of this has been keeping me up at night, and i’m even starting to second guess my decision. i don’t want my mom to kill herself, but i can’t just have my entire life revolve around her and what she wants. aita? | nta | nta. as long as doing this isn't somehow ruining her financially, you're within your right to make your own life choices. that said, offering support through frequent communication and helping her get a hobby of some sort would go a long way. | nta, all those people trying to guilt you into it aren’t willing to live with her so why should you have to? you’re young and need to create a life for yourself instead of staying there forever. | 27 |
9wk1hm | aita for making a joke about vegan chili? | chili, short for chili con carne, literally means "chili's with meat". it looked like a great oxymoron. aita? [https://imgur.com/gallery/zqff918](https://imgur.com/gallery/zqff918) | yta | yta. what's the point? you must be fun at parties. | if that was your joke it was a pretty piss poor joke and not worth making. besides chilli has a thick consistency you could totally make chilli minus the meat and it still look and taste similar. if it doesn't, you haven't added enough chilli. i would say yta for bring down something your friend (i am guessing) was excited about and insulting her cooking. | 27 |
9wkiit | aita for getting mad at my gf after she said she hates marvel the day stan lee passed away? | i love marvel and i love stan lee. he made a huge impact on my life like many others. i was mourning his death and my girlfriend randomly stated that she hates marvel. i told her its rude to say that the day he died because its disrespectful, but she said she's just expressing her opinion, and we got into a little arguement about it until i figured i should ask you guys who's right here. aita? | nta | nta. but you should chill tho | nta. it's not important if she likes marvel or not, it's important that you were upset and she chose to say something that would make you feel bad. | 2 |
9wkkk0 | aita for telling a 28 year old woman she doesn't get a birthday week | my lady's birthday is coming up on tuesday, and justifiably, she wanted to celebrate over the weekend. the problem is: she's doing multiple different celebrations with different groups and the only person required to attend all of them is me. here's a rough schedule: saturday: birthday dinner and game night with friends sunday: full day with just me monday: dinner with her family tuesday: actual birthday dinner problem is that i've got a lot of other things to do or obligations that i'm trying to work around. she wanted me to sleep at her place after game night, but while she's waiting for renovations on her house, she's living with her parents for the next few months and my dog doesn't do well in strange houses, so i stayed until 1am. then her friend had an emergency sunday, so she cancelled our plans. totally understandable. tonight i went to family dinner, but didn't meet them at their house to ride in the same car, choosing to drive myself because i just left a work event. this turned into an absolute screaming fit by her about how i ruined her birthday and how i didn't do a single thing that she wanted. i responded by saying i've been to every event with more on the books, but i've only slightly modified them to work a little bit better for me, and that she needed to stop being spoiled and acting like adults get birthday weeks. am i the asshole? | nta | nta. she needs to grow the fuck up. it’s a birthday, and not even an important one. | nta. its birthday, not week. if ur getting screamed at for tolerating all that bs its time for upgrade the squaw. | 10 |
9wknuh | aita for telling my leasing office i’m considering calling the (non emergency) police over noise complaints against my neighbors? or for making so many complaints in general? | at this point i’ve made 4 separate complaints to my leasing office about the family directly above me. two were written formal complaints. it started with their 4 year old spending quite literally 4 hours one day and 6 hours the next day sprinting back and forth across the floor, stomping as hard as he can, and what sounded like him jumping off furniture and landing hard on the floor. it was literally nonstop for hours each time, and the second time it went on until after midnight. that was the first informal email complaint. then one day they started playing music so loud it drowned out my television 10 feet in front of me and after a while was turned up loud enough to be heard over headphones. it went on for around 3-4 hours in the middle of the day, and was loud enough that i could hear every lyric. so i made the first written formal complaint. the second formal complaint was a few days ago, when we came home the woman who lives up there was also getting out of her car at the same time as us. she flipped us the middle finger and then proceeded to stomp up the second flight of stairs as we were directly under her on the first flight. she’s a small girl, so it took a lot of effort to stomp as hard as she was stomping. ten minutes later they were playing more loud music, even louder than the last time, and i went immediately to the leasing office to put in a complaint. the property manager not only tried to tell us it was probably the maintenance employees playing loud music outside (as if that’s acceptable anyway?) and she was definitely speaking down to us as tho she is positive we’re lying about this. she sent a maintenance guy to stand in our apartment and see if he could hear the music but by the time we’d gotten back they had already stopped playing music. then today they’ve twice played loud bass thumping music for over an hour each time. by the second time the leasing office was already closed so i sent another email, telling them i didn’t feel like anyone was handling this situation professionally. i told them if it keeps happening i’m going to make a noise complaint with the police department, and i also sent the same email to the area manager above the on-site property manager mainly because it derailed that it’s still happening and i brought up the property managers attitude with us as well. tldr; i’ve made 4 noise complaint, 2 formal written ones against the neighbors above us. nothing has changed, so i emailed my last complaint to the area manager as well as told them i’m going to call the police because i don’t think i’m being taken seriously aita for both the threat about the police and for making so many complaints against one family? is this something i should just live with? we’ve tried talking to the neighbors directly, that just resulted in their animosity and then lying to the leasing office claiming my boyfriend screamed a bunch of curse words at their child which absolutely did not happen. the manager told us to not go up their anymore and to take all of our complaints to the office in the future. | nta | nta. you should expect a little noise when living in an apartment but it sounds like they just didn’t control their child and are now using their music to attempt to punish you for complaining (or they’re just insanely inconsiderate). if you’re not getting anywhere with calling the leasing company escalating to the non emergency police line next time it happens seems like the most logical step, i would also try and get a good recording of them playing the music to show your leasing company. i’m sorry this is happening to you it sounds rough. | nta, but what do you expect in an apartment/condo setting? | 1 |
9wkuis | aita for not wanting to go to any holiday gatherings which _certain_ family members will be at this year (or ever)? | i’m transgender and most of my family doesn’t accept me. i’ve picked up on their attitudes and i haven’t seen most of them in years. i don’t even feel like giving them a chance because i don’t see the point in rekindling things with a distant family member i don’t remember even talking to. well i have some closer family members, some on my moms side some on my dads side. my mom wants me to come with her to see family on thanksgiving, and my dad wants to have a close gathering with my grandparents at his place. i refused to go to both and my parents are upset with me. they say “they’d love to see you!” and “they won’t argue with you!” but i doubt that. why can’t they call/message me directly, or even transfer a message through my parents saying that? they understand the situation, they aren’t wondering why i don’t show up. why is it my parents always just saying these things on their behalf? our family is very religious. i’d probably get stared at, argued with, judged, and maybe even kicked out. even in the best case scenario where everyone keeps it together at dinner, i’d be boiling inside knowing what they’d go home saying to each other about me. why even give them the chance to see me if they aren’t going to treat me like a human? it took years to get to the point where i can go without arguing about my life decisions with my parents and with a couple other family members. i never try to convince them of my views, i just want to live in peace. so unless they reach out to me, why let a flood of people back into my life to start this all over again with? i know my grandparents won’t be around forever, but they know what’s going on. they know i’m afraid of them. my other family is still in contact with them, probably gossiping about me occasionally. i’m thinking of texting my grandparents, just saying something nice like “hey, i might get to see you at thanksgiving! i’m looking forward to it. by the way, i look a little different now, just wanted to reach out so there’s no surprise.” (not final wording) and if they don’t send a nice and convincing response i’d bail. i would feel bad if they died without seeing me, but i feel like it’s not my fault if that happens, since they could try to say something nice to me. so if they don’t say anything nice, aita for skipping out? | nta | nta. it’s a tough situation, but you should do what you think will keep you safe. there’s a chance that these family members have had a change of heart, and if they have that’s great, but it’s not your responsibility to put yourself out there to find out. if they make sure you understand that they are now welcoming and supportive, it’d be nice that you could go back, but don’t do it unless that happens. i don’t want to be pessimistic, but i have very similar family. they have a way of downplaying the bigotry when they’re trying to pull me back in, but they haven’t changed. you do you, and hope that they come around, but don’t hold your breath. | > so if they don’t say anything nice, aita for skipping out? nta. expecting your family not to say bigoted things to you isn't a very high bar. if they can't meet that it's completely reasonable not to meet with them. > they say “they’d love to see you!” and “they won’t argue with you!” but i doubt that. why can’t they call/message me directly ... why is it my parents always just saying these things on their behalf? i think your instincts are right on this. if these people really wanted you there then it would be no big deal for them to let you know that directly. | 2 |
9wkuqx | aita for not wanting to invite my brother-in-law to our wedding? | a couple of years ago i would have called my fiancé’s brother my best friend. i met james after i had been dating my gf for a few months. he transferred to our college and needed a place to stay, so me and my roommate let him crash on our couch until he got a place. it was a fun time—we got along well, i ended up getting him a job where i worked, and when he moved out we continued to hang out a lot. after my current lease expired, my girlfriend, james, and myself got a place together near campus. somewhere along the way, james became my best friend. we hung out all the time and had serious conversations about life, politics, religion, etc. i had never had a friend before (besides my brother) who made me think or pushed me like that, and i thought i did the same for him. we also joked around a lot and made tons of jokes. we could loosen up and make the sorts of jokes that really are only funny to family. we watched shitty shows together and played video games. the point is that we got along really well for a couple of years. my girlfriend and i graduated college and moved to a different city a few hours away so i could start a grad program. around this time, i decided to propose to my girlfriend and i heavily involved james in the entire process. he was all for it. at some point, he told his friends (jokingly) that he was jealous of his sister. i told him that he was really important to me and that he would be the second guy in line behind me at the wedding after my brother. after my fiancé and i moved to the new city, our life became pretty hectic. i had to spend a lot of time on my classes and she was working terrible hours at her job. during this time, i routinely played video games with him online (typically the best part of my day). one day while playing, we were having a political discussion—these had become pretty popular with trump being elected—and he said something that i knew to be false. i interrupted him saying “no, no, no, actually…” then corrected him. i can get fairly antimated when i discuss politics, although i never intend to be me mean. in this case, my mind was preoccupied with the video game so it probably came out harsher than i realized. i did not know this for quite a while, but apparently this exchange upset him pretty badly. for the next couple of months, he never initiated text conversations with me, and did not respond well when i would. i asked to talk about what was going on, telling him that his friendship was important to me and i wanted to understand what was happening. he responded a couple days later agreeing to talk the next time we saw each other. the next time we saw each other was when i was on christmas break. we were over at their family friend’s for christmas. i was trying to set up a fun activity for me and some of our college friends to do over the break, and i texted james while the older people at the house were talking and the younger people were all pretty much on their phones. i watched him basically screen my texts and not respond until i told him “check your phone” in my most non-confrontational tone. he agreed to go and our group had fun. i ended up paying for him to go (he didn’t offer to pay me back and didn’t say thank you) but it was fun. afterward, i wanted to drink like old times. everyone else (6 of us) were down but james did not want to. we still had not talked but i thought if we were a little bit looser it would be easier to broach an uncomfortable subject. i am terrible with uncomfortable conversations but last time that he was mad at me we made up after a couple of drinks. but he refused. my fiancé’s cousin was getting married and me and her entire family went on a road trip to go to the wedding. before we left, they decided to open up christmas presents. i did not know we were doing this then and did not bring my presents for anyone. he had gotten me a nice, thoughtful present, and when i opened it, i gave a fairly muted reaction because: 1. i did not have my present for him 2. i was wondering why he was giving me a present at all when it was so uncomfortable between us, and 3. i have always hated presents. i know that they are very meaningful for other people, but i typically been of the opinion that if i wanted something i would just go get it. anyway, i did say thank you, and did not realize that i gave a bad response at the time. we left right after, taking his car for the road trip. he spent a lot of the trip doing or saying passive aggressive things to me. he would do little things like lock me in the car at gas stations, or say “no shit” to me when i was trying to make conversation. at one point, i was joking around with their mom, who i have always had a great relationship with. he accused me of being disrespectful, which caught everyone off guard. later that night, we were staying at a relative’s house, and my fiancé and her mother were talking about a personal issue that really upset her. james walks in, hears 10 seconds of their conversation, and then tells my fiancé that it’s not a big deal and to get over it. at this point i had enough and i told him that he was being a dick. this really upset him and he told me that i was extremely arrogant “i take too many liberties with his family” and that “even though i am marrying his sister i am not part of the family.” in retrospect, i appreciate the irony of being called arrogant by someone that heard a tiny bit of a conversation then had to interject his opinion, but in the moment i was pretty upset and told him once again that he was being a dick. this was probably as dramatic as it gets in this family. after it cooled down, i tried to talk to him, but he refused. we made the trip back home in the most uncomfortable ride of my life. i was filled with anxiety. the whole time, i was expecting him to want to talk about it but he never did. i gave him a couple months after that to reach out to me, and when he didn’t i texted him. no response. we saw him again one time later and he basically side-eyed me the whole time. my fiancé had a long, unpleasant conversation with him that night where he basically said that he knew he was right about me and that i would never change. after that, i tried texting him, calling him, etc. i just asked to talk. i told him that his friendship was important to me. i apologized for my actions. i couldn’t believe that he at some point decided i was horrible and rather than talking to me about the problems, decided to basically ruin his relationship with both me and his sister. i lost sleep over this for months, and i still think about it often. no one in his family is impressed with him. so yeah, after all of this, i definitely don’t want him to be a part of the wedding but i also don’t think he should even be there. of course, if he ever talked to me or answered any of my calls, i would feel differently, but it feels like he has built up a huge wall between us. my fiancé still wants him there but i know that if i see him on my wedding day it will make me have some combination of strong, negative emotions. i know that we will probably end up inviting him but aita for really not wanting to? tl;dr: future brother-in-law were really good friends but had a falling out that i don’t totally understand. he has refused to talk to me for almost a year and has been a jerk to both me and my fiancé (his sister). aita for not wanting him at the wedding? | nta | your nta... *yet.* if you do ban him from his own sister's wedding, you will become the asshole. you can expect that your marriage may not last, if you do that. he will resent it, your new bride will resent it, and importantly *he will talk to her family members about you."* and doubly important: *he will have evidence.* he will point at being uninvited to the wedding as evidence that you are petty and you are breaking apart their family. other family members will see it and agree with the obvious evidence. it's going to make your marriage very difficult. in fact, even if you *do* invite him to the wedding, it's probably going to be bad. this guy dislikes you and wants to drag you down. so if he can't say, "i wasn't invited" then he will find something else to be angry about. having that brother-in-law saying negative things about you & your marriage will wear down your wife and will make it difficult to stay married. she will have to choose, sometimes, between you and her family/brother. she's not going to like that. my advice is to be as friendly and magnanimous as possible, but keep him at a distance. the more he is in your life, the more ammunition you give him to shoot at you. the more you include him, the more things he knows about you to criticize. so have him attend the wedding, but not as one of your groomsmen. send thank you cards if he gets you a gift, act pleased with any small thing he does that is courteous or nice, etc. over the years, keep away from him but if you have to be near him be generous and smile and act kindly. you do this not just to soften his hard edges, but also so that anyone around can see that you are above reproach. be nice. keep him at a distance. oh, and never talk shit about him to your wife. that's her brother. *she* gets to talk shit about him, if she decides that on her own. it's not for you to do that. | nta, but please make sure to heavily include your fiance in all decisions made. that is her brother and yeah, he's being a total ass and hopefully she can acknowledge that. obviously the whole family has realized something is going on, but i dont think its unfair to ask him to not be in the wedding party, but he should at least be invited to the wedding. your not the ass for being upset about this whole thing and not wanting him there. man though, he sounds like a teenager with all this drama bullshit. my recommendation? send him one long text with everything and apologize for whatever slightly he thinks you did and be done. if he wants to hold a grudge, you have text proof you tried. | 7 |
9wkvxe | aita for telling my parents my little brother will never get better? | i am a middle school girl with two brothers, a twin brother and a little brother, both with autism. but it's clear to anyone who's known my little brother .5 seconds that he's severely very autistic. he's 9 years old, still watches cartoons on netflix all day, can't form sentences other than 'hi' or 'my name is (name)'. he does a lot of therapy, but nothing ever seems to work. he's always been the same. so i told my mom and dad. they got really angry at me, and i can see why, but they've got to face reality. it seems harsh, i know, but i think it's harsher to live believing in such a foolish dream like they think. am i the asshole? (sorry for bad grammar or improper storytelling i've never been the best at writing) | yta | think of the situation from their perspective; their son has low functioning autism, and they probably already know that the chances of him living a normal life like you are really low. they have to work twice as hard for him by taking him to therapy, overseeing his education, and more. they probably work their asses off just to make sure he has an easy of a life as you do. and to top things off, he's not their only child with autism (though it seems your twin brother is fine). of course they'll get angry when you say that to them; they're already working their damn hardest to provide for your brother to the best they can, and all you're doing is bringing them down. yta. i don't think you're a bad person, but you need to try and understand things from their point of view. maybe even help out a bit if they really need it. | yta. while you may be right, i wouldn't know, think about this from your parents perspective: their child is acting like he's a third of his age, you've been trying to live him the way that he is, and one of your other children bluntly tells you that he'll never get better, and you should just give up on him. i think you should have a talk with your parents, and try to apologise, while also trying to state your point | 16 |
9wlbvo | aita for the way i handled this argument that has ultimately lead to an impending divorce? | some backstory: my husband lost his construction job in 2017 just before winter in the midwest. i decided to take a job offer with better pay and worse hours (80+ hours a week) so my husband could stay home and study for his cdl. he claimed to want a more stable career. this continues for several months until i completely burn myself out trying to manage the kids (4) and the household while working so much. my husband decided to start looking for a job again, putting a pin in the cdl goal. he found a job that took him away from home for 3-4 months at a time working in agricultural construction this past spring. while he was gone i decided to go back to college online. he worked there for four months before he **intentionally** got fired (he told me this). during this time he was striking up conversations with an ex, who has been a continuous dark cloud over our relationship because of my own insecurities. he then comes back to indiana and tells his father i said he wasn’t allowed back home because he didn’t have a job (i never said these words and i didn’t know he was coming back home until after he’d already returned to the state.) his father gives him an under-the-table job two hours away from our home, so my husband has been staying with his dad and his uncle for the last six months. ​ ​ i have been trying to get a handle on our money because i am hoping to go to law school and my credit report doesn’t look so great. i started working on a budget this afternoon and four hours later i had all the finances in one place. while my husband and i were texting about our days, i sent him a photo of what i’d done for the day. he makes an inaccurate comment about how we would have “$500 left over a month.” i explain to him we wouldn’t have any left-overs anymore because i was doing a zero-based budget. i joke that i didn’t think he would read everything so closely and he shuts down for a moment. he then goes into it, telling me how he needs to pay his dad back for all the charity and is upset i didn’t consult with him. i try explaining to him these numbers were based on whether or not my ex-husband would pay his child support payments on time every week (which he hasn’t done for 11 years, but they started up again recently). he then takes offense that i used his name and ends the conversation before “it leads to a stupid ass argumentative tone that ends up with us getting nasty with each other”. ​ ​ i wasn’t finished explaining the budget but he wanted to end the conversation without letting me explain. so i messaged him anyway. he goes off, implying i think he should screw over his father and telling me “it’s nice you can write the whole budget without even asking if i have any debts i need to settle”. (him not being considerate of me has been an ongoing issue in our relationship – including him disappearing for hours into the early morning with his friend to get high and not calling me – and it has never been a problem for the past three years that i’ve managed the finances without “consulting” him.) i threw my hands up. i’m functioning as a single mother of four, in college full-time, one of my children has odd/add and i’m driving back and forth to the school twice a week for a problem, my kids have 2-3 out of school activities a piece, i’m the only one cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying the bills, dealing with household problems. i acknowledge on a weekly basis how much it means to me that my husband works so hard and keeps a steady income so we can pay for necessities. i give him massages every time i see him because he’s in manual labor. i do not feel like i downplay what he does at all. i do not receive the same acknowledgment. i told him he could hand the finances, then, and he agreed. i gave him every password to every account. he states we’re going to have a surplus of cash because he didn’t know what half the accounts were (i only sent him our utilities, two credit cards we don’t use, the internet log in, our car insurance, and our debt consolidation payment). he then tells me the bills will just “have to wait” until he has better internet service. i tell him i would take that as a sign of being apathetic to the needs of his family. i told him “since i’ve been doing such a shitty job handling the finances, there’s no reason for money to continue to touch my hands”. he claims i put words in his mouth and then said “fuck you” to me. i told him he didn’t say it, but he implied it. i wrote down a nicer way he could have asked. he tells me i blew shit out of proportion “in a feminine manner” and that i “make \[him\] look like a dumbass”. (there were just the two of us texting???) i asked him if he thought my opinions, thoughts, words, and ideas don’t matter because i have a vagina. he exact words were “well, if the stereotypical shoe fits, makeover them pradas”. (i don’t even know what this means, the most expensive pair of shoes i own i got on clearance for less than $30.) at this point, i stop responding to him because it’s not getting anywhere and he’s being ridiculous. afterward, he called me on the phone and demanded my email account information. i told him i didn’t want to give it to him and told him it was not because i have anything to hide, but because of the nasty way, he demanded it. he told me to shut the fuck up. i hung up on him. he called back and asked if i was done being a bitch. i hung up again. he called back and started screaming at me. at one point he accused me of thinking i’m always right about everything (which is completely untrue and i’ve, on more than just one occasion, admitted to being wrong/defeated, and i’m not a spoiled sport about it). i told him he was being disrespectful by calling me names and telling me to “shut up”. i said i wanted a divorce and that i didn’t want a partner who couldn’t be mad without disrespecting me. he mocked me and told me he wouldn’t sign papers. i told him i didn’t need his signature and that the courts grant contested divorces. he finally stopped screaming at me and said “fine, i’ll sign your damn papers and find somewhere else to live”. and he hung up. | nta | sounds like you been raising 5 kids instead of 4. you're nta. | yeah you’re definitely nta. this sounds like a daily nightmare and you should probably find yourself a better man (or just keep raising your kids on your own). | 2 |
9wlm4e | aita for wanting to retain relationships with my friends who are moms that don’t entirely revolve around them being moms? | i’m 31 years old and almost all of my friends have kids now. i understand that your life does a total 180 when you have a child. aita for wanting to still be friends with my friends who are moms and not wanting to only talk about their children? or wanting to see them away from their children? kids are great but i still want to hear other things about their lives. i know that their days are filled with potty training and pick ups at day care but they must still retain some part of themselves that doesn’t have to do with their kids, right? i’d like to hear about how work is going or about the new podcast that they are listening to or basically anything besides the kids. i’m not saying that i mind hearing about their kids, but i wish they would make it a little bit more of a priority to still maintain their old friendships. i have some friends that spend our phone conversations interrupting our conversation to talk to their kids. my own mother tries to tell me that i don’t understand how hard and time consuming parenting is and that eventually, down the line, when their kids are older and more self sufficient, they’ll be able to have lives again that include friends that don’t have kids. aita for not wanting to wait seven years for my parent friends to decide that they have time to have friends? | nta | you’re nta, and i don’t intend this to come off as condescending by any means, but you just don’t understand. when i’m talking to my friends on the phone, i i would absolutely love to talk to them without having to talk to my kids simultaneously. but when your kids are young and don’t understand the concept of patience (and yes, it is something we’re always working on), it’s either talk to them or have you listen to the screaming as you talk. for some moms, being a mom is their job. i stopped working to stay at home, so kid stories are my work stories. and it’s important for me to be able to share them because this is a huge part of my life now. imagine a friend telling you they didn’t want to hear your work stories because they didn’t share an interest in your work! movies and music that i’m exposed to are now sadly things like moana and baby shark. trust me, i know i was a much more fun adult before kids, but i can’t turn off the fact that i’m a mom. if a friend invited me out sans kids i would absolutely jump at the chance. and i’d probably let you do most of the talking so i could live vicariously! the fact is that when your kids are young and completely dependent on you, you sacrifice a huge part of yourself to be there for them. it doesn’t mean you lose yourself, just that you have to put part of yourself on the back burner for a couple years. maybe you could invite your friend(s) out and say you know how hard they’ve been working and you want to have a night out with just the girls, no kids or kid talk allowed! i would love a night like that! you’re not the asshole for missing your friends. just know they miss you (and themselves) too! | nta, but it won't happen. either you have to be patient, find a time-consuming hobby, and stay as close to your friends as possible, or you find friends who are younger/childfree that can commit the same amount of time as you. i don't really understand parenthood, but they don't have the luxury of thinking about anything other than their kids, unfortunately. | 5 |
9wmast | aita, i took my kids from their mom | aita, i took my kids from their mom. she has 2 hours per week with them. they are 5 & 1. she's a crack and heroin addict that's been trying to get clean for 3 years. off & on, balls to the wall when on. she keeps slipping up every 4 or 5 months. she's tried it all from residential programs to just cheating on the court ordered urine tests. i don't allow any phone calls to the kids, i don't reply to her texts unless it's about the time for the visit, i shut almost all of her family out. they can see them on her visitation time. i have valid reasons.... but aita, or just a dad sick of the shit trying to keep his kids safe? | nta | nope nta. those kids and their safety are way more important than anything else. unless she has a court order or custody, you’re being a good dad. if it were me, she wouldn’t see them until she was clean for a long time and had made positive changes in her life. | nta. she needs to get clean if she wants to see her kids. | 25 |
9wmtow | aita for not being attracted to black women? | i once mentioned to a friend that i wasn't into black women and he called me racist. i explained that there was no hatred involved, just my personal taste. i prefer women with lighter skin tones. aita because of this? also, does it make me a racist? | nta | nta. personally i wouldn't date a women, i'm just straight. can't call me a sexist for not dating another women | nta, everyone has preferences. if you think black people are inferior to you then you are racist. if you have nothing against black people but just don’t find the women attractive, that’s not racism. | 5 |
9wn049 | aita for being a little possessive over my food | my boyfriend and i have lived together for a couple months now and he likes to eat my food and just tonight drink the rest of my liquor. i do have a problem (that i'm trying to work on) of not sharing my food. all i have asked him is to ask me if he can have some of my chips, drink that last of my whiskey, eat my bread ect. to him i'm having a power trip making him ask for permission and am being selfish. he can have some of my food, i just feel it's disrespectful for him to eat my stuff (especially if it's the last of it) without asking. we share main things like meat, condiments, cheese, and lunch things. i'll go out and by my own chips and snacks like that and he'll just eat it without asking. | nta | 1. have you been clear about why you want him to ask you? 2. have you been very clear about your problem and the efforts you're taking? (are you?) if you have been, then nta. regardless - if you're living together and want this to work, learn to buy stuff "for the house". this goes for both of you. good luck! | nta. usually couples share food and don't really care. i don't share food with someone i don't love. but not everyone is willing to share food. as long as you pay for your own food, nta. | 3 |
9wn1mn | aita for fabricating a pregnancy scare to get my childhood bully removed from my second grade class? | obligatory *was.* and by that, i mean almost *twelve years ago.* when i was in second grade, i was part of a super protestant charter school down south. nice complex. while i wouldn't call it strict, there were very mouthy staff, and god help you if you breach dress code or get the slightest bit dirty. i didn't really "get" christ, but it gave me some place to be, so for the first grade it went okay. then i moved to second. there was a new challenge. like many others, i had tormentors, but one i didn't take as seriously was a gal. we'll call her dixie. i think she's why i picked up a swearing habit. bitch was a redhead twice my size - and made sure i knew that, because she wanted me to know that i was *beneath her*. she'd trail behind me in the hallway, repeat hide my homework behind bookcases i couldn't possibly reach without unleashing my most autistic form. now if this was adulthood we wouldn't be having this discussion, but i was a second grader. you just didn't do that shit. me, initially rational (and a snitch i guess), decided to tell the teachers that *hey dixie is being annoying, can you please make her stop.* after promising that, the principal decides to up and do nothing. the bullying got worse. i mean, thanks to her, i got to know what mud tasted like. at this point, something had to be done, and the only question was *what?* the teachers were always watching me because unlike dixie, mama decided to let the teachers know i was an angry little shit. add to that me skipping all the god segments to fuck off and do whatever, and you got a faculty that didn't really want much to do with me. of course, getting dixie to leave me be meant taking more creative measures than smacking people upside the head with church ornaments, or some other form of sucker-punching. i'd endure being nothing for a while until, for god knows why, one of the daytime shows were on. someone trying to figure out who the baby daddy was. that channel got changed as soon as mama walked back in the room, but when i heard all the screeching on tv, i decide, yeah, that's brilliant! that'll put some attention on her. i get the stepstool, fetch the test, fill in the lines with pink, and call it a day. so, when bully leaves the classroom, i slip the test in her bookbag pocket. she pulls it out in the middle of class, and the teacher starts *screaming.* like, freaking out, holding her mouth. like i didn't read emotions at all (i must have lost a hundred bucks to scammers at lunchtime) but even i could tell she was really uncomfortable. all i saw was the girl getting picked up by her parent in a dinky cadillac and zooming off from the lot. no one really knew what happened to dixie, but i didn't have to deal with her again, which gave me all the peace and quiet as i wanted. not that it mattered, because a week or two later i ended up transferring into public school for being a 'bad fit,' but what can i do. it wasn't easy to reflect on something that happened so long ago, but...it's over. it's been dead and buried as the teacher probably intended. take being an unknowing kid, take all sentiment, all of that nonsense out of the picture: did this make me an asshole? is there something i'm missing here? i trust that you guys can pick this apart to the truth. | nta | holy shit, that's hilarious, nta | holy shit, that's hilarious, nta | 3 |
9wn5an | aita for taking over saved seats in a theater? | this happened a few months ago, and i am not sure about my actions here. i believe i was right in standing my ground, but friends have spoken against me. ​ there was a big concert of a local group in a theater in my hometown, tickets were sold out weeks before the event and me and my girlfriend had to buy from re-sellers. ​ now, the tickets weren't numbered, so the seats would be grabbed on a first come, first served basis. we arrived \~ 3 hours before doors opened and we queued up. there were already \~50 persons ahead of us. more and more people started arriving, and the queue in front of us was "fattening up" with people who either arrived to "greet" friends and just stayed there, or straight up people who had a spot being saved for them. ​ we finally got inside, behind possibly 100 people now, and headed for the front rows. the frontmost rows were already taken, but i saw 2 comfy spots next to a middle age couple in the \~8th row. i go over to them and proceed to start sitting on them with my girlfriend when the couple informs me that both of those seats are being saved. bummer. no issue however, in the middle of same row there are still around 7 free seats we could take. we apologize and move on. ​ turns out that there was one girl in her 20s next to those 7 free seats, and as soon as we are going to sit she says "sorry, those are taken" to which i reply "...all of them?" "yup...". i get more annoyed and start looking towards the rest of the rows of the theater and see a massive flow of people just sitting everywhere else. if we were to exit the row we pretty much would have to go all the way to the back by now, making all our time queuing outside a waste. ​ i felt not only annoyed, but i also felt saving spots like this was a severe disrespect. there are people like me and my girlfriend who stood for hours outside, and a single person who may or may have not queued properly was now saving 7 spots for someone who had not arrived yet. so i stood my ground and sat down on the saved spots. the girl complained, and i explained my reasoning, with a very defensive and slightly upset tone. my girlfriend tensed up, and you could see she didn't like the ongoing conflict. eventually an older lady (40s) arrived, possibly her mother, who had already been informed of the situation by a phone call. she confronted me, but i stood my ground again and when the lady raised her tone, so did i. ​ at this point, i am not sure if people from many rows away heard our little dispute, but i'm pretty sure it got loud enough for anyone to focus and hear. the lady gave up and just sat down next to me, in possibly a passive aggressive attempt to get me to move. didn't happen. show started. the rest of the family arrived looking for their saved seats, almost half an hour after the show had started. i even overheard one of them saying "i hate when people save spots, but now i had to do it." two of them had to go elsewhere, and that was the end of it. ​ my girlfriend later told me she felt really uncomfortable, and was on the verge of simply getting up and leaving when i stood my ground. another friend told me i need to control myself, and she would have left there as soon as it all started. ​ i believe i was right to stand my ground, it was pretty much an abuse to save 7 whole spaces, and we had been outside for hours... but aita here? | nta | nta. unless seats are assigned on the ticket, no saving. if people want to sit as a big group, then they damn well better all show up together. good on your for standing up to the bad manners, if more people understood that that kind of thing wasn't ok on that scale, then you wouldn't have to be the guy that has to "make a scene". i could understand if they had all arrived, sat down, put coats and belongings down and then some of them went to grab refreshments or use the facilities, but just saving that many seats because they couldn't organize well enough to get there on time? hell no. | nta at all in any way whatsoever. everyone reacts differently in different situations, i am usually a lot more passive. but that would have gotten on my last nerve! and my wife would have never let me live that down if backed down and let someone just bully me out of my seats because they didn’t want to get there early. my wife would have been especially peeved if we got there that early and didn’t get good seats because i was too chicken shit to stand up for something that by all accounts we deserved. if someone wants to have that many seats together, they should have already been there together. but saving 7 seats is bullshit. you aren’t the asshole, and it sounds like your friends need to grow a pair and not let people walk all over them. | 11 |
9wnye2 | aita for my actions? | hey guys, that argument sounds really silly and i just need some judgement, about those actions that were made. well i was playing with a friend some games while talking on a discord server. we got asked by someone if we wanted to play divinity ii and i declined and said, that i have currently enough to play. said friend i was playing with asked me how that game looks like. i said it looked like diablo with rpg elements. that was the time he went bollocks, saying things like, "don't bullshit her, it's nothing like that". well i can't handle arguments well (which he knows) and told him to just leave me alone, thinking he would try to convince my friend i was playing with to play the game and would correct me, if it was wrong what i said. nope, he got angrier and sent me a wall of text saying "getting angry, only because i'm correcting you? idiot" "why would you stop me doing arrangements?" note that the friend i was playing with didn't like that kind of game, which only led to more anger. like i said, i can't handle such things, because it's so draining, so i ignored the texts coming from him. probably he was fuming and kicked me from the discord server. it's not the first time we argued, but i just feel like that he's overreacting and it makes me feel shit too, because i normally never argue. probably i was just too harsh telling him to leave me alone. currently thinking to quit the friendship entirely, because it's not the first time we argued like that and didn't talk at all. it honestly makes me feel shit. in addition to that he split everything between our friends by doing that. like he won't allow his gf to play with that friend i was playing with and me, because i would be there. reddit, aita? | nta | nta, but also that does not sound like a very healthy friendship. | nta but he is right in saying that its almost nothing like diablo except the perspective. if you like stat-heavy, turn based, crpgs it might be right up your alley. | 4 |
9woge8 | wibta if i surrendered my dog after weeks of trying to train? | adopted a 6 year old dog about 7 months ago. he’s 60 lb hound mix. he was brought to shelter from another state when his owner got sick. in previous home, they knew owner was home a lot, had several dogs and found our dog as a stray a few years prior. he was timid but loving. he is loyal, friendly dog 99% of the time. he’s great with kids, loves walks, cuddle, etc. but he won’t be crated and has severe anxiety. 7 months ago we put out crate, feed him in it, which he would do (and still does) but when we tried to crate train he resisted, pulls, jumps up on us to not go in. so we stopped. he would chew shoes, soft pillows and even chewed three doorknobs. we left him toys, etc...didn’t stop. we took anything he could chew out of living room. over summer i was home and we tried to crate train again...same behavior. i think me being home made it worse. he wasn’t alone very often and if he was, he destroyed anything he could get. in early september just after i was back at work, he destroyed our couch, flipping pieces over, cut himself, etc. in response, we made him a pen that we could walk in with him, tried to train him in it, he figured out how to get out and cut himself and hurt his face. further destroying our couch and anything else he could find including plastic, metal, etc. he even opened a closet to get my coat out and eat it. so we got a training collar and a steel pen. got him in 3 times before he got out. had to reinforce it. i usually am the one to put him in before i leave with kids and i can’t get him in. the dog fights me for as long as i have, jumps on me, and i’m not strong enough to physically pull him in. it becomes a battle. i’ve been bringing him to husband at work but it’s not working out. dog is chewing things if husband and co-workers leave area. it’s a garage that has chemicals, etc. he can’t always be with our dog. we consulted vet, put him on anxiety meds, but based on cost we can’t keep him on them forever...we also can’t afford the behaviorist/training that they recommend. we’ve maxed out our savings with crates, meds, etc. we also can’t afford to replace our couch so we have it taped up with a blanket over it. it was 8 pcs. we have 4 ripped up pieces left. his anxiety is so severe that if he sees me getting dressed for work he cries, follows me around, and will hide if i call him to try to get him in crate. he can’t handle being alone. our kids love him but they aren’t the ones fighting him and/or worried he will harm himself if alone. we can’t go anywhere unless the dog comes because the crate training isn’t working. wibta if we call shelter and surrender him? love the dog but worry he needs a different type of situation... | nta | nta but jesus christ just give up the fucking dog. at what point is enough, enough? you can't do it. you tried and the dog just won't adjust. stop trying to force it, cut your losses, save money, and buy/adopt a better dog. | nta for hitting your limit, but i think you should try to re-home him first before taking him to a shelter. | 3 |
9woh8o | aita for telling a nice old lady to leave my classroom? | hello, right now i'm working as an english teacher overseas. i'm teaching a class for a group of students in their late-teens / early-twenties who have little-to-no interest in learning english. i'm not the *best* teacher, but i don't think i'm the worst. i believe i manage to make the class not miserable for the students by joking around and creating a relaxed atmosphere. there's a class in this classroom right before mine, which is led by a nice, talkative, older lady who speaks good english, as well as the native language of my students. ^(i want to withhold judgment of her so i don't skew this post, but personally, i find her a bit nosy--she always asks what we're doing today in my class and asks to see my material and textbook and stuff (when i'm trying to set up for class in the 10 minutes between our classes). i think she's legitimately curious and interested in learning more english and stuff, but it's kind of annoying) anyway, she sometimes asks to sit in on my class. for all intents and purposes, i feel like i should be ok with this. again, she's very nice, and she helps out the kids who are struggling and stuff like that. it's like a free teacher's aide, which should be helpful. however, you know that feeling when someone's behind your back watching you work on something? i have this feeling the entire class whenever she's in there. i feel like it affects my teaching ability to a certain extent--i try to like "follow the textbook" more and joke around less, which is pretty boring for the students. and, yeah, it just kind of makes me feel anxious having another teacher in the class. so today, when she asked if she could sit in on the class, i said no. actually, i said, "how about next week?" because i didn't want to say no outright. haha. aita for telling her she couldn't stay in my class? follow-up question: if i'm not, how should i get it across to her that it makes me feel uncomfortable having her in there? ​ **tl;dr**: i'm a teacher and another teacher asks to sit in on my class sometimes. she's nice and helps the students. however, it makes me feel nervous having her in there, so today i said no, i didn't want her to stay in my class today. aita? | nta | well, though she is nice, nta. not her class and you can say no. | nta. i teach english abroad too and would feel the same as you. | 6 |
9woig5 | aita for asking strangers to let my wife and i ahead of them in the tsa line so iwe didn't miss our flight? | backstory: my wife and i went on our honeymoon this summer. this was my first ever time flying, and my wife's first time flying without her parents (except once about 5 years ago). our naivete is important here. [warning: these next two paragraphs are a lot of background that isn't 100% necessary, but provides some context. if it's longer than you'd like to read, skip the next two paragraphs.] so when we left, we departed from an airport in a medium-sized city (pop. 200k, 1 mil in the metro area). checking bags took almost no time at all, tsa was maybe 10 minutes, and everything was easy breezy on the way there. on the way home, things were a little more chaotic. we left our hotel 2-3 hours before our flight, believing that would give us more than enough time. now when we arrived for our honeymoon, we hit literally 5 tolls on a half hour drive to our hotel. so on the way back i decided to put no tolls on my gps. this extended our trip a bit and we ended up getting a little turned around at the airport as well, but all in all, we still felt like we were ok. then we got to checking our bags. we had not anticipated it taking about a half an hour (this was orlando, so it was much busier). then we got to tsa check and the wait was going to be very long (i can't remember specifics, but the expected time to finish tsa would've been past the time our flight left). at some point in the tsa line, i said "fuck it, gotta give it a shot" and started asking people in front of me one by one if i could go ahead of them as we were late for our flight. i actually was surprised at how nice people were about it. i thanked them and usually the next person overheard and let us go through. a few were a little hesitant, or seemed slightly annoyed, but let us go on. i didn't push it. didn't try to wear anybody down. just asked once and if they said "yes" we went and if they said "no" that would be it. things went well until one guy wasn't having it and said "no, you have to wait in line like everyone else". he had noticed us moving up the line and was clearly aggravated by it. now, inside i admit i hated that guy, but outwardly all i said was "ok" and to my wife "guess the ride stops here". neither of us knew what to do in the event we actually missed our flight, and we were getting ready to start researching that. a stroke of luck hit when the tsa line split into several separate lines and the guy was no longer in front of us. everyone i asked in our new line let us go on and once we were just a few spots away from the front, i stopped asking and let the line go. we got through, rushed to our gate, (which was boarding when we got there) and made it home on time. so, reasons i think i may not be an asshole: 1) i asked first and respected everyone's answer. 2) we were pretty naive about flying and honestly thought we had prepared enough. reasons i think i am the asshole: 1) i feel like i took advantage of the kindness of strangers. 2) i still am not very fond of the guy who stopped us even though he had every right to say no. 3) our lack of preparation inconvenienced people. 4) whether i'm an asshole or not, i stand by what i did. it was a desperate situation and i'll sacrifice a little dignity if it means not missing a flight. obviously i'll plan better in the future, but as the situation stood, i wasn't overly concerned about being a bit of a dick. final note: i know it may sound like i'm distorting how "polite" i was to everyone to make myself sound better, but that's really how i was. i'm not a person who just likes to strike up conversations with strangers and i am not very confrontational. i did make an effort to be polite, but it was amplified by the fact that doing this was slightly terrifying for me. | nta | nta as long as you politely asked, this happens quite often and it can't be helped sometimes. the guy probably was just having a bad day/running late himself. | nta - if i had plenty of time to get to my gate - yes, i would let you through. i was in your shoes once and it was hell. spring break at a mid-sized airport 20 minutes from take off and still in the security line. | 3 |
9wojw3 | aita for rejecting a girl i almost slept with and then inviting her for dinner | so, for backstory, me and this girl were flirting a fair bit through the year and last month we almost slept together. it was really, really close, but i changed my mind and i asked if we could play games or something. i still think she is a cool person, and i enjoy her company, but i'm not sure i like her in that way anymore. also, she hates all my other friends, especially my lady friends. ​ anyway my 18th is coming up and most of my friends work really late, so we can't hang out until nighttime, so i invited this girl to go and grab some dinner, just me and her, i offered to pay and she started saying how sweet it was, and how hyped she was. am i doing something or giving her false hope? am i the asshole for making plans to spend my birthday and eat dinner with a girl i rejected at a honestly bad time. | yta | yup. yta. clearly she thinks you are still into her and you just seemingly didn’t want to be alone until your other friends are free... i’d stop this confusion and leave it be. | if you didn’t make things clear that it was platonic and there is no chance of a future... yta. if i was in her position, i’d be so confused. you want to hang out... for dinner... which you’re paying for... on your own birthday? seems like something you’d want to do with very close friends or someone you’d want to datd | 101 |
9wopg0 | aita for not buying £4 deli sandwiches when i can buy the meat from them and a roll from a supermarket? | so on my lunch break at school, i usually get a sandwich from a local deli who have all sorts of ingredients for sandwiches which cost a flat rate of £4. being a student, i don't have an income to really afford this and a drink everyday. so i decided i would start getting the 4 slices of salami from the deli for 50p - £1 (it's weighed) and a drink and baguette from a local shop for 95p more so i could save money and have a nice sandwich. however, today when i went in i assume the owner must have caught on to what i was doing and when i asked to buy just 4 slices of salami his mood changed - he grabbed a fistful and asked 'enough?', then throw the bagged salami across the counter and when i went to pay with my card he huffed, exclaimed i was costing him money, then slammed down the card machine and off i went with a thanks. what's weird is the owner is a usually nice guy, so i'm not sure if he was having a bad day or i pissed him off by not spending as much as before or 'inconveniencing him' during lunch rush. but overall he was just incredibly rude and i can't work out if he was justified or not. | nta | in my country (italy) there is a commission when you pay with a card, and most stores don't let you pay with the card for less than x euros (as they would essentially lose money for that). maybe it's the same? i wouldn't be surprises if taxes took away most of the revenue from your little pirchase. try paying with coins instead? overall i'd say nta. it's his duty to deny the card if he has this problem, you are just honestly purchasing meat. | nta first, you're saving money, and there's no shame in that! second, how does he know you don't have an allergy to bread? you aren't buying all of the ingredients in front of him to assemble the sandwich, lol. maybe he was just having an off day. don't take it personally, you keep doing you! | 25 |
9wp1y2 | wibta if i broke up with someone because they told me they have felonies. | recently i reconnected with someone i dated 4 years ago. in that time they moved to a different state and recently moved back. weve been on several dates over the last 2 months or so and things are going really well. on our last date she told me she hads felonies for drugs and possession of a stolen car ( shes clean now) but she will be on felony probation until 2021. at the time i was okay with it because like i said shes clean now but the more i think about it the more i change my mind. she cant go to any state with any kind of marijuanna legislation ( almost half the states) or go to the state she was convicted it which is the state my mom lives in. because of her probation she cant go to nearly all bordering states. i really like this woman but the more i think about it the more i realize id have to give up alot of freedoms. would i be the asshole if i broke up with her for the sole reason of her being on felony parole. this is literally the only reason i have for not wanting to see her romantically. | nta | nta. break up with them. | nta. she isn't compatible with your lifestyle. if you dont want to give up freedoms for the next few years to be with her, then thats fine. you're just not that vested in the relationship, and thats okay. | 4 |
9wpa9m | aita for not helping my wife more? | edit 2: alright, i've heard you all loud and clear and the general consensus seems to be that i am an asshole. and now i feel like an asshole too. i'm about to drive home from getting my flu shot, but called my wife first and apologized to her for not helping more. i told her to get some formula or breast milk ready for when i get home from work tonight, leave me the dishes and i'll take the baby out of the bedroom so she can get some real sleep. i also told her i'd watch the baby on saturday so she can go out and get some food, drinks, a new hairstyle whatever she feels like. she said "really??" and started crying which makes me feel like an even bigger asshole but i'm glad she seems happy and less short with me. guess i gotta reevaluate myself... my wife and i have a son who was born a few months ago. lately she has been unhappy with me, saying she feels like a "single mom" and that i'm just a "live-in child support paycheck". this hurts because i honestly think i am doing as much as i can. she's a stay at home mom. i work 10-12 hour days, 5 days a week at a factory. i stand on my feet all day doing the same monotonous thing over and over apart from a 30 minute lunch break. i wake up at 3pm, get to work by 4 and then i'm home between 2-4am depending on the workload. i make good money doing this so even though it sucks, i keep it going. once i get home i like to watch tv until about 7 and then i go to sleep, but in that time i feed the baby when he wakes up (he still isn't sleeping through the night, he gets up every couple hours to be fed and changed and goes right back to sleep). she is upset because i don't want to wake up early to watch him so she can get a couple hour nap in. she isn't lazy by any means, don't get me wrong, but i feel like her responsibilities are way easier than mine. the baby is usually up by 6-7 so she takes him out of our room (he doesn't have a nursery) in order to let me sleep better without interruption, which i really appreciate. she spends the day with him, he fights sleep but will usually nap for an hour or two at a time. i tell her she should sleep during these periods but she chooses most of his nap times to get things done around the house or fuck around on the internet or watch a show. even though she knows once he is up, he's up and wants constant entertainment and doesn't wanna be put down for longer than 20 mins at a time. 6:30-7pm is bath time, she feeds him and then he is down for the night by 9-10pm. she complains that she is exhausted because he wakes up every 1-2 hours but by my calculations, even with that, she gets a good 6-8 hours of sleep a night. yet she still wants me to wake up some days and watch him so she can nap for a couple hours, because she is "worn out". so, am i an asshole for telling her no? because she has the easier job out of both of us? | yta | yta - i know working like that is exhausting. but babies are exhausting in a totally different way. and when she's doing the same thing day in and day out, only getting help with a feeding here and there, waking up constantly and then going back to sleep just to wake up in an hour again (which is almost as exhausting as not sleeping at all), doing the housework and cooking and budgeting and so much more, it's resulting in a burnout. i get that you're tired but she didn't make that baby by herself. this is all so much more overwhelming when it's your first. she's not just looking for a nap, she's reaching out for partnership. she needs help. it sounds like she's brought this up multiple times and she's finally at a breaking point. also, you say she gets stuff done or watches tv when baby is napping. guess what! it's because that's the only time she has to do those things. when you get off work, you watch tv for 3 hours. she has the right to have downtime, too. maybe trim an hour and a half off of your tv time a couple times per week, go to bed early, wake up early, and help out. her job isn't easier than yours. it's just different. help your wife, op, or it could ruin your marriage. caring for the baby is your responsibility, too. you get weekends off. she doesn't. her job is 24/7, 7 days per week. give her a break. you'll be surprised at the difference it will make. | her description of you is pretty accurate man. your only interaction with your baby seems to be feeding him if he manages to wake up at night. never use the excuse that your job is harder than hers, that will not blow over well. it seems like you have 3 to 5 hours of leisure time every day and 8 hours of sleep. you could probably sacrifice a few hours to help her out. but parenting isn't only the job of the stay at home mom. yta. | 245 |
9wpo70 | aita for being sad that stan lee died simply because he cant make any more cameos? | i woke up this morning, and while having breakfast found out that stan lee died. it sucked. he made great superheroes that have become more than he expected at first but hey.. at least he got to see them grow right. then while in class i thought "oh shit, if stan's dead than who's gonna make cameos" got home and typed this. i feel like a jerk for not being sad because the dude that made my fav superheroes died but because he made vaguely funny cameos that got boring real quick. | nta | nta. your feelings are your feelings. you don't have some personal connection to him. you related to him through most through his cameos, and his death means no more of those, and your reaction reflected that. | nta. you didn't know the guy personally. you're sad for how it affects you, which is normal. just be respectful of the man and anyone who is sad about it, like any other death you aren't close to. | 0 |
9wq2oy | aita for playing a gross, but harmless prank on a kid | ok, this happened a few months ago, but my wife still brings it up as an example of how much of an asshole i am. personally i disagree but that's for y'all to decide. it was the middle of summer, and my mother-in-law was in town to visit. on an outing, the three of us went to a local aquarium/museum/botanical garden place for the day. this was on a sunday, and being a family fun kind of place it was pretty busy. one of the attractions at this place is a giant glass greenhouse pyramid, with a cultivated rainforest ecosystem inside. you can walk a trail through the forest, see tropical birds and monkeys, rare plants, and stuff. there are also some interactive educational exhibits dotted along the way. one of said exhibits featured a rare jungle flower, that is supposed to produce a very characteristic (foul) odor. the sign had a button you could press to release a puff of scent. i pressed it but didn't smell anything. seemed to be broken. as we turned to continue down the trail, i heard the excited piping of small kids behind me. there were 2 boys, about 7 and 9yo. their mother was with them (mid 30s white lady) absorbed in her phone. the smaller one bounced up to the button and pressed it excitedly, and after a moment said "i don't smell anything." in a true moment of (what i consider genius), i told him "its not a very strong smell, press it again and sniff real hard". his nostrils flared as he smashed the button and put his face out in full sniffing position. and i let out a surprisingly loud, squeaky fart like 10 inches from this kid's head. the older one spit soda all over the plant. i thought he was going to wet himself laughing. the younger one took a second to realize what had happened, sees my smug face, and then he too was on the floor, shirt over his nose dramatically. he was hamming it up real big. but he too gets up laughing, pretending his face is melting off. my gas is generally pretty mild, so he is reacting more to the concept of a fart than the actual smell. then i look up at the mom and see is [this face](https://m.imgur.com/a/1pn87g7), framed by the can-i-speak-to-a-manager haircut, blond highlights quivering with atomic rage in the humid, still air. "oh. my. god!" she moved toward me with her purse cocked back to swing. "what the hell is your problem?" but by then it was too late. my work there was finished. i scurried down the trail to catch up with wife and mil. she looked back and saw the mom shouting and my self-satisfied grin. i told her what happened. "... the fuck is wrong with you? i would have killed you, dumbass." she said. then went on a tirade about how i cant be taken anywhere in public blah blah. mil didnt say anything, she just chuckled. i thought it was comedy gold, the kids thought it was hilarious and now they have a story to tell. the circumstances were too good to pass up. i'd probably do it again given the chance. wife is convinced i'm a psychopath for "assaulting" these children. aita? | yta | yta. you’re an adult and you farted in the face of a small child you didn’t even know. seriously, as an adult you shouldn’t find farting in random children’s faces funny. | i think the context is important. if you had known the kids like they were cousins or nephews or something, then nta and great prank. but you don't know them so it's closer to yta albeit not a really harsh one. | 41 |
9wq3hk | aita for not allowing my good friend's abusive girlfriend in my home? | my husband and i have a friend we'll call joe. joe has been my husband's best friend since they were 12 (they are in their mid 30's now), and he has been my good friend since i met my husband over a decade ago. 5 years ago, joe met a woman we'll call jane. jane seemed nice enough at first. we of course welcomed her into our lives and joe was happy and things were fine. about 6 months into the relationship, we noticed that jane was kind of awful to joe. anytime they were around us, jane would make really snide, emasculating comments; "you're so stupid." "hurry up, moron." "you couldn't even change the oil in my car, i had to find a real man to do it." things like that. joe would stand up for himself at first, but as time went on, she got nastier and he got quieter. we stopped spending as much time with them together as before, because it was very uncomfortable to be around. we voiced our concerns to joe that we believed he was in an abusive relationship, but he would brush it off. i wanted to ban jane from my house way back then, but my husband said we should support joe and that joe might not feel like he could come to us with his problems if we did that. i obliged at that time. then jane got pregnant with joe's child. she actually seemed to mellow out a bit, and for the first few months after the baby was born, they acted really happy again. but of course babies = stress and stress = fights for even the healthiest of relationships, so it wasn't too surprising when they started fighting on the daily again. after the kid was born, they moved into an apartment together (they'd been maintaining separate households). jane made joe give her all of his paycheck (she even bragged about this on social media, like it's so cool to take all of your boyfriend's money that he works 45 + hours a week for and not leave him with anything), and joe wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed with jane because "his snoring kept her awake and she needed her sleep." he was made to sleep on the small loveseat. we ended up giving him our sleeper sofa when we upgraded to a new sectional, and we found out later that jane threw a fit when he pulled the hide-a-bed out of it at night because "beds in the living room look trashy," according to her. at least, though, he was able to stretch out on a full size couch. things escalated, as they always do in abusive relationships, and before long joe was miserable all the time. jane stopped coming around us altogether and she would call and berate joe on the phone every time he tried to visit - which wasn't often because they were caring for a child. we finally flat-out told joe to leave her, but he didn't want to hurt his kid. we explained that raising a child in an abusive, toxic environment was way worse than growing up with mommy and daddy in separate homes, but he wouldn't listen. finally, one day about 2 months ago, joe came to our home and his face was red and swollen with a huge welt in the shape of a hand across his cheek. he said she had smacked him across the face because she came home from work and he was napping after also working a 10 hour shift that day. he admitted that it wasn't the first time she'd smacked him, and that she had also spit on him several times, torn up his work clothes on a number of occasions, hid his keys when he tried to leave, told their daughter that he wasn't her real daddy so she didn't have to listen to him, and would take food from his hands and throw it across the room if she was angry and he wouldn't engage. he finally decided enough was enough, and he left her that evening. things seemed to be looking up, but 2 weeks ago we found out that they were seeing each other again. joe is now about the break the lease on his apartment to move back in with jane. i'm disgusted and angry at joe but i also understand abusive relationships and how they affect you, so i will always be there for him. however, i told my husband that jane is not welcome in our home under any circumstances. my husband is angry because he feels like that will only hurt joe, and it might drive joe away from us when he needs us most. joe doesn't really have any family to speak of, just his grandma, so he doesn't have much of a support system. he refuses to tell joe that jane can't come to our house. i don't mind telling joe and jane both that jane isn't welcome here; she is an abusive pile of garbage. i hate her and she makes me sick. i believe it's asinine to enable a friend to continue in an abusive relationship, and honestly, it's the opposite of what friends should do for each other. to be clear, joe is always welcome and his daughter is always welcome in my home. am i in the wrong to say that jane can't step foot on my property? ​ | nta | nta. tell him politely you feel uncomfortable by the way she acts in your home, that you're always there for him and his daughter and they're welcome any time, but jane is not. your house, your rules. in fact, i think allowing her in your home may enable her behavior. | you are definitely nta. set your boundaries and stick to them. good for you! | 57 |
9wq5zu | aita for not liking when people post the same image on separate subreddits | i follow multiple "meme" subreddits such as r/dankmeme r/memes r/deepfriedmemes etc. and sometimes i see the same person posting the same meme or picture. i usually call them out and usually greeted with the same excuse: that they are trying to get more people to see it. i can kind of see them wanting to get more exposure on their post, but am i wrong for thinking people shouldn't do it? it's honestly annoying seeing two or three of the same posts in my home page. am i the asshole? (i'm sorry for my bad english and grammar, english isn't my first language) (i also haven't been on reddit in about a year so this may or may not still be a problem) | yta | you don't have to like it, but yes, yta for calling them out on it. it's annoying when you see it multiple times in your feed, but not everyone subscribes to all of the subs and may only see it once | yta. seems like you have too much time on your hands. | 5 |
9wqdte | aita for asking my dad to get my stepmother to not yell at restaurant servers? | aita for asking my dad to get my stepmother to not yell at restaurant servers? my stepmother is a loud woman. when she goes out to a restaurant, it is usually like an applebees or chilis kind of quality. at those places, she will loudly get the server's attention and ask for more of whatever she is out of. we are going out friday to celebrate a birthday and they were invited to come. it's a nice restaurant...probably the nicest in town. i asked my dad for a way to have her not yell at servers. they (dad and stepmom) got offended that they were going to embarrass us and decided not to go. aita for asking her to be on better behavior? | nta | nta sad that you have to tell adults how to behave these days | nta at all... there's nothing wrong with getting your server's attention if you need a refill or to order something else, but there are many ways to do it without being a belligerent ass and offending not only the people she is dining with, but the other patrons as well. your step-mother sounds like a selfish, self-centered bitch who thinks the world exists to please her and your father is an idiot for enabling or accepting it. | 17 |
9wqqss | aita for telling my friend to stop smoking? | i have a really close group of friends that i hang out with them at least once a week. max is one of them. i knew him last year and he is a nice person, very caring and responsible, sociable. after he broke up with his ex gf for 2 years recently, he started smoking, but he never smoke in front of us so i didn't know, until my other friends told me. i wanted to convince him to stop smoking as a friend, because smoking is harmful to our body and i do care about his health. i asked my other friends in the group but they won't even bother. they told me to accept him for who he is and the fact that he started smoking. that made be frustrated because they don't even care about whether he smokes or not. one of them even said it is not selfish but selfless to accept that he smokes and let him be. fyi i knew that you can't change anyone if they are not willing to change. but i just want to care about his health and i am scared that this will ruin our relationship. so aita? | yta | yta but with good intentions. it’s not your decision and not your body, and if you are on his back about it, you become irritating and (although i am not implying that smoking is fun) a killjoy. i know a group that had a friend like this, always disapproving of what they did and being vocal about it. that group split apart from her as she became annoying and too much of a mum friend but it could’ve been avoided if she just kept herself out of it. | as others have said, your heart is in the right place, but yta. it is improbable in the highest that anyone in this day and age does not know and understand the damage smoking does to your body (and, frankly, your bank account... that shit is expensive!). he knows what it does to his body, he knows what it's doing to your friendship, he's choosing to continue that behavior. once you've made your feelings known that you feel he should stop and he doesn't, you either have to love him for how he is or learn to live without him (which you'll have to do anyway once cancer/copd/whatever else take him). | 5 |
9wqwlk | aita for ordering a $300 office chair? | my boss has been pushing for me to find a new chair for a month or so, because the one i have is falling apart/very ratty looking. well i finally decided to go look for one on friday & chose 3 options in differing price ranges, although he said money was no object. the cheapest & (most uncomfortable one) was about $120. i didn’t mention the fact that it wasn’t great because it’s not my money that is being spent. the next tier was $200, & $300 was a blissfully supportive chair with a 2 year warranty. i sat down with my boss & told him about all 3 options saying they were all great & it was his choice which one i should order. he refused, telling me that it was my call and again, that money was no object- he wants to make sure it’s supportive enough for me to work comfortably for 9-10 hours and will be long lasting. i picked the $300 one after once more making sure that it was permissible. well this morning the office administrator who is picking it up saw the receipt and blew a gasket. she & the boss in hushed voices were talking about how expensive it was & that it was wrong for me to use his money for it. aita for picking this pricey chair? | nta | nta. your boss is a good person for placing your ergonomics before the price point. you did the right thing by double checking. | nta. your boss is a great guy and knows that happy employees are more productive. office admin is just a pencil pusher that's only concerned with the bottom line. your boss is going to protect you on this one and you did nothing wrong. i'm pretty close to requesting a comfortable, expensive chair myself. if we're going to be there for 8-12 hours a day we might as well be comfortable. | 75 |
9wr46l | aita for telling my girlfriend that she's negative and that many of her problems are possibly her own undoing? | okay, so i have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and she has always been wonderful to me. however, she is incredibly introverted and the best way to describe the situation is with the words my therapist used: "/u/damariusmaneti, you are someone that generally likes people until they give you a reason not to, and even then, redemption is possible. your girlfriend is someone who generally dislikes people untill they give her a reason to like them." she likes to complain fairly frequently about people she doesn't like/things that aren't going well with the people she does like and overall has a fairly negative outlook on people that began to wear on me. even though her complaints are valid (and most of the time, professional/academic issues), they still seem like she has unrealistic expectations of proven lazy/incompetent people. one day, she complained about how she doesn't really have good friends (except for me) and that she doesn't understand why her "friends" don't prioritize or realize what's going wrong when she talks to them about it. i then broke and told her that her being so negative wears on me and that her having a "holier than thou" attitude just because she didn't tell anyone off today is part of the reason that she doesn't have many friends and not really any close ones. she then called me "naive" for "seeing sunshine and fucking rainbows in everyone." things have improved but i think about it a lot and am wondering if i am in fact, the asshole. | nta | you are nta, it's hard to hear that you're seeing things through a negative filter and that probably hurt her feelings but she needed to hear it. maybe she'd benefit from seeing a therapist who can help her explore it in a safe environment. | nta. i should know, because what your therapist said your girlfriend does is something i do and seeing it written like that helped me realize that i should try to be a less cynical person. thanks op :) | 9 |
9wr5a5 | aita for not wanting my bfs son to get laid when i'm home? | to get started, my boyfriend and i havent had sex since june, and it was months since we had sex before that. we've lived together for almost 3 years, and after about a year together his ex wife texted him one day saying "[their 23 y/o son] is moving in with you, i don't have room for him at my house" so overnight we suddenly had him moving in with us. the first few months he was talking about how him and his friend were going to get an apartment together. my boyfriends son is disgusting. he doesn't shower, he refuses to clean his bathroom, his room is full of trash bags, food and condom wrappers all over the floor, rotting food garbage, moldy drink cups and every drawer on his dresser is pulled out at different lengths with empty soda cans lined up in them. he has a pet turtle whose water he changes once a year and feeds him onice every few days. he is repulsive. his girlfriend is also pretty fucking gross. he works as a barista at the starbucks down the road from us. he doesn't pay rent, doesn't even buy his own toilet paper, he just goes to work then sits in his room and smokes weed and plays video games or watches anime all day. literally nothing but anime. now i know you're all thinking "yeah this guy sucks you're just looking validation op". here's the catch. i'm disabled and can't work or drive so i pretty much only leave the house on weekends to go grocery shopping and whatnot. so today around 11 am im in the kitchen and i started hearing bed squeaks and moaning from upstairs and it pissed me off because this disgusting guy with a sheetless stained, holey mattress gets laid more often than he showers and i've gotten laid maybe 4 times this year. his bedroom is right above the kitchen so i started putting away the dishes as loud as i could. aita for wanting him to either do it at her house or do it when i'm not home? | nta | by the sounds of it, the son doesn’t pay rent? if so, he has no rights, get him out! he’s a big boy now. no, you’re nta. | i stopped reading at the condom wrappers and trash. nta; so, so gross. get him out of there | 11 |
9wr73c | aita for being upset that my roommates meow at me? | i live with two of my best friends. i love my living space, spending time with them, and so forth. but what i cannot stand is the fact that they insist on meowing. it's consistent. it's in the morning when they wake up. it's when they walk through the door coming home. it's when i walk in the room. it's to each other when they accidentally bump into each other. i've asked them to stop. i told them that it annoys me. it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. and they don't. they keep meowing at me. to each other. to strangers. it makes me want to bark at them. i've entertained the thought of barking at them every time they meow at me in the off chance that it will scare it out of them. am i the asshole because i don't think meowing is cute and would rather have my thirty-something friends speak english to me and not in animal noises? | nta | nta. that shit is incredibly childish. | nta - sounds like they’re enjoying annoying the hell out of you though. considering everything else is good hopefully the novelty wears off eventually, but i bet they’ll find something new to push your buttons with... | 6 |
9wrjca | aita for not wanting to work after my two weeks? | i work at a small local restaurant who desperately needs workers. i’ve been there for about a month but i ultimately decided to quit because i have another job that pays better and i’m exhausted all the time. also the kitchen smells like cigarettes and there’s a language barrier. i put in my two weeks notice a week ago and my boss just told me that i have to work indefinitely until they find my replacement to which i said no. i work with my friend and he thinks i should have to help them out because they’re so understaffed. aita for saying no? | nta | nta. if they create a high turnover environment, then that’s their own problem to deal with. they can’t force you to stay longer than you want. | nta - unless you have a signed contract enforcing you to a period of work, you walk when you walk. frankly, you don't ever have to give places a 2 week notice... that's a courtesy, plain and simple. given their response, however, i would make sure you have signed and notarized documentation of your notice to them, as it sounds like they're the sort of people who would come back down the road and claim they fired you for not showing up, which could affect your future employment (if you even bother to list this place in the future, if you were only there a month, you could probably leave it out w/o an issue). | 2 |
9wrobq | aita for going "shopping" at the lost and found table? | my younger kids go to the area boys & girls club after school. in the front lobby there's a large table over flowing with lost items, some nice stuff too. underarmor and nike hoodies, coats, shirts, sometimes shoes and bookbags. it sits there for weeks without the owners ever finding their stuff, to the point where the lady at the desk tells me to take whatever i want, because it's going to goodwill. so every time i pick up the kids i browse the pile and take something that will fit. not shoes, and nothing that actually has a name written in it. but i've probably brought home hundreds of dollars worth of clothes over the years. | nta | technically if you are told to take it, then you shouldn't have to feel bad. but maybe it would be better off being donated. maybe not to goodwill but a local charity. so, nta but just because you're told to take it doesn't mean you have to. in your situation, most people probably would take it. | nta, sure those clothes might be going to goodwill, but you said in a comment that you donate your kids old clothes to goodwill, so either way it's not like your stealing from them or something. goodwill still gets their clothes. i don't see any issue. | 12 |
9ws5uv | aita for really, really not wanting my sister's boyfriend to not come to our house for thanksgiving? | hi aita redditors, so my sister and i are both in college (we're the same age, both sophomores), and she invited her boyfriend of a year to come to our house for thanksgiving break, since he can't go home for thanksgiving break. her and her boyfriend attend the same college and their break is a week long. the thanksgiving at my house is pretty intimate, it is always the four members of our family and no one else, it has never included our extended family. our dad and mom approved after the fact (begrudgingly) but my mom doesn't really want him here in particular because he's vegan and our family is not vegan, so we'd have to prepare something special for him. and my dad is kind of socially awkward at times the and doesn't really know what to do/can't be himself when people he doesnt know really well are in the house. but yes, they still said ok (even though my mom has complained about it after the ok) i am against having him in the home for two reasons: one, because we already had him in the home for spring break, and it was not fun accommodating for his meals and everyone didn't really feel like themselves around him (it was a bit awkward, imo). secondly, i really don't approve of him, period. during the spring break he was here, he and my sister had a huge blowout fight with lots of my sister crying and a lot of him not caring. it's not really a one-time thing, since just this week my sister has been texting me and calling me, saying that she doesn't think he's the "one," that he is inattentive and doesn't understand her nor care for her/that he does not listen to her points of view/that he says that she is arrogant for telling him her feelings when she is upset/and that generally he just makes her feel like she's crazy a lot. she also says that he got mad at her for giving him money as a gift, and he also spends her money and makes her pay for way more than half of their meals together. she also says that generally he makes her feel unhappy and she says that the only reason she's staying with him is that she believes "she cannot do better," verbatim. she calls me every 3 months with similar complaints, and always wavers between staying with the dude and leaving him. she's had 3 boyfriends before, but this is her first serious one. i really, really dislike the guy and do not want him to come over, and i told my sister this and also really encouraged her to renege her invitation, especially since they just fought this week. she says she does not care what i think and basically that it isn't my place. and i am also a bit selfish in that i feel uncomfortable around this person and do not want them in the home anyways. in thinking about this, i think i am the asshole but there are also reasons partly why i am not. so reddit, what do you think? have i overstepped the boundaries and should i apologize and suck it up? edited to make it easier to read. | nta | definitely nta for not wanting him to come. you wbta, however, if you were the only one to say no, and expect her not to bring him. speak to your parents and tell them how you feel, maybe even share what she's told you about his behavior. if they change their minds, you aren't an asshole for having convinced them. | in my humble opinion, nta. you're looking out for your family and especially your sister. the boyfriend sounds like an ass and she can most definitely do better. ultimately though until your sister finds it in herself there's little more you can do. unless you're willing to stoop so low as to try and break them up. | 6 |
9wsas1 | aita for not moving in to help care for my terminally ill brother? | my family moved to florida 2 years ago, i preferred to stay in canada because i grew up here and have little interest in uprooting myself because they wanted to move. i would stay in the family home paying utilities, until i could afford to move out/find a roommate. i just graduated uni and got my first permanent job. a few months before they left my little brother was rushed to the hospital where they found a tumor in his brain, it was small and he had a pre-existing condition which made it hard to diagnose as cancerous or not. nothing was done about it as that would require major surgery, the plan was to monitor it and see if it grows before doing anything. almost a year ago, after they had been living there for a few months, the tumor became malignant. my brother had reached stage 4 and was diagnosed with a glioblastoma. he was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery to remove as much as they can. i flew down immediately and stayed for 4 months while chemo and radiation treatment was on going for him. at this point my mother the primary breadwinner had lost her job. i moved back to canada and went back to work, my parents take care of my brother. mom found a new job, dad took a leave to care for my brother full time. my parents say they can't make me move to florida with them. my other relatives heavily imply that i should move and help care for my brother and my parents. i feel like i've abandoned them to face this alone at the same time know that i have no interest in living in the states, or how i would leave after the inevitable happens. am i the asshole for refusing to move/leaving? | nta | nta. the situation sucks and i'm sorry your brother is terminally ill, but it's not your responsibility to be his healthcare assistant. your brother's illness doesn't mean you should uproot your entire life. | i’d say nta. i would say if you were doing nothing with your life and still refusing to help that you would be the asshole, but you’re establishing your life in canada and shouldn’t be required to give that up. nobody is the asshole as of now | 5 |
9wsbli | aita over shouting at a girl because she wouldn't film with us? | me and my friends are currently filming a project for youtube. it's just fun, nothing serious. we were going to film a scene today where we would meet with a group of people. one of these people is the said girl in the title. i'm going to call her may in this post. we have previously filmed scenes with may and we've filmed enough footage that we need to explain where she comes from (the scene were filming today). i go to collect her for filming and then she just decides that "i don't want to". i try to convince her nicely saying that everyone else is there and that we're waiting. then she still says no and i'm getting a little annoyed. i had given everyone a days notice via snapchat and she just decides that she can't be bothered. (fyi we'd only be there for 5 mins as we were filming during break time) i start being more pushy (i.e. jokingly stealing her shoe so she'd follow me to filming) and then she keeps saying no. i would fully be fine with this if she gave me a reason other than "don't want to". after a couple of minutes of this she says that she can't be bothered and i kick off. i call her a "little shit" for not filming with us and that everyone else is out there putting the effort in. i go outside to the rest of hem and say filmings cancelled because of her. later in the day, i tell some other people what's happened and apparently i shouldn't have done that because she has "problems at home". ok fine! so why didn't you say that you weren't in the mood or something like that. i honestly think that i've been pretty fair here but this has caused a lot of trouble for the production and i want to know if it could've been prevented with me not kicking off. tldr : we need to film a scene with a girl. she doesn't come with us. i shout at her. everyone begins to think i'm a bad guy because she has issues at home despite not telling me this (i would've been fine calling off filming if this was true). | yta | yta. "i don't want to," was all the reason she needed, no means no. | yta. this: > she just decides that "i don't want to" ...and this: > why didn't you say that you weren't in the mood ...are the same thing. saying "i don't want to" **is** saying "i am not in the mood." even if they're not the same thing, you don't get to be the judge of her reasons and decide whether her reason is good enough to be allowed to opt out. (unless there is a legal contract that obligates her, or something like that that i don't know about.) also, if this is an unpaid project, a free project, a silly youtube thing, then you don't get to force other people... she is a jerk if you sat her down before the project began and explained what she was committing to, and if she understood what days would involve filming, and if she said it would work, and if she understood that there was going to be expense around her (like she was integral to the project, and filming her scenes would involve money and time for other people), and if she backed out anyway. however, it doesn't appear that that's the case. you gave her a day's notice. your project is for fun. you have no financial loss. she may have had shit come up. also, it's possible that your "for fun" project isn't very fun. you sound kind of controlling or jerkish, and it's possible that the thing you enjoy is not going well for others. i'm not 100% sure of that, i don't know you, but you're here asking so i'm here giving my best guess. | 45 |
9wt6uj | aita because i want to live alone with my so? | my boyfriend and i have been together for 5+ years, and have recently decided to move in together. i was so excited to spend some alone time with him. roughly after a year of living alone, his brother hits a rough patch and needs a place to crash while getting on their feet. as family should do, we told him that he could stay at our place while he does. i asked my boyfriend beforehand how long his brother was planning on staying, and i was reassured no more than a month. it’s been 6 months now. not only has this caused fighting between my boyfriend and i, but i feel like an asshole for wanting the brother gone. from my perspective there aren’t any attempts from the brother to get back on his feet, as all he does in get drunk and play video games all day. on top of that, the brother will break things, has a cat that loves to lash out, and refuses to help around the house. i’ve spoken to my boyfriend about this, and they can do little wrong in his eyes. after pushing it anymore, i become the villain, and a fight breaks loose. i understand that they’re family, and that should be enough to keep them in, but i miss when it was just us. i feel like a shellfish asshole for feeling like this, any advice? | nta | i have no advice but definitely nta. i hear two often how these "it's just a month" become a couple months. hope you and you boyfriend can come to seeing eye to eye! | definitely nta. he isn't trying to do anything to leave. hes comfortable where he is at. | 3 |
9wt806 | aita for threatening to sue former-friends to get back money they owed me? | in the past, i've had to threaten former friends on two seperate occasions to get money that they owed me and i feel like an asshole. the first time, i was living with a best friend in an apartment but he got unofficially fired (dropped his hours to 1/hr a week to avoid paying unemployment and expected him to quit). he refused to look for a job for months so i covered his half of the rent/utilities while his parents covered his cellphone and food with the understanding he would pay me back. i kept a whiteboard that listed everything in the main room. after five months, it drained my savings and i had to move out. we remained friends but in the following months, i saw him make posts on facebook about going on vacations, "winning it big" at a casino, and buying new clothes. when i would ask for the money he owed me (which was around 3k), he'd say he'd pay using his tax returns but that never happened. a year later, he stops talking to me on facebook and responding to texts so i text him that if he doesn't pay me the money he owes me in three months, that i'll take him to court. sure enough, a few weeks later, he paid me. the second time, i did some graphic design work for a friend for free since it was a simple thing but she wanted a lot more work done and i told her that since she wants so much done, i'd have to charge her and she agreed on a price per hour. i spend a month making the branding, website, and advertising for her home-based business. after the job was finished, i calculated everything and it was just shy of 5k but i dropped it down to around 4k since she was a friend. i give her the bill, she said she would have to wait a few weeks but she was happy with the results. weeks go by and nothing, just kept telling me i would have to wait a bit longer. while all of this is going on, she's on facebook talking about big trips her and her husband are going on, and showing pictures their new house being remodeled. a few months go by and she still wants me to do more work but i tell her that she needs to pay for what i've already done before i can do more. that's when she says that she decided that i would be a part owner of her business (she has no business experience or plan), and that i would get paid when the company makes money. i tell her that i would prefer the money since i was looking at returning to college and she flipped out, saying how i didn't believe in her and how i was a horrible friend; ending it by saying she was going to block me and that she would send me the money in a few weeks. i'm blocked, waiting for the money that never comes so i send a message to her company facebook, her personal email, and a way to circumvent the text ban, all saying that if she doesn't pay me in two weeks, that i'd take her to court. again, sure enough, i'm paid almost immediately. four years later, her company is still in the red. tl;dr: two former friends both owed me thousands of dollars and after waiting months, i had to threaten to sue them (even if i likely never would) to get it back, ending the friendship. | nta | both situations, you had every right to get your money back. nta. however, this seems like a repeating pattern. i think you might have had some underlying problems of being too nice to others. i'm understanding you learned your lesson. next time, i'd strongly suggest you set a contract next time you do graphic work for friends. that way, even if they decide to pull what your friend did, you'll at least have it in writing that you agreed to get paid that much. generally, designers get paid at least 50% first before they provide any work. you were extremely lucky to get the money back at all. | nta. this is why i don't mix friends and business. | 4 |
9wtim7 | aita for telling the manager of my apartment that my downstairs neighbor may be a hoarder? | i have lived in my apartment for 4.5 months now and on move-in i asked my neighbor next to me if there were any problems with bugs. he mentioned that there has been issues with roaches and over the months that i have lived here i have definitely seen it. i also have a big fear of roaches, like a full-blown phobia much the same way that people have phobias of spiders or snakes. i can’t even look at photos without feeling panicked of like i need a shower. a couple months into living here i happened to glance inside my neighbor’s apartment and saw a lot of stuff everywhere. i only saw a quick glance so i didn’t get a good look at everything that was there but it got me thinking that that could be where the roaches came from. flash forward to today, i was frustrated because despite keeping my apartment incredibly clean i have had a significant amount of roaches in my apartment - mainly the kitchen. i called the complex and mentioned my neighbor’s mess and she said she would look into it. i immediately started feeling bad about it because my downstairs neighbor has some sort of mental disability and i’m not sure how capable he is of taking care of his apartment. so, do you guys think i’m an asshole or is mentioning it justified? | nta | in my opinion you are nta. cockroaches are definitely not something that can just be swept to the side. they're considered pests for a reason and carry some serious diseases. i would usually consider something like this as nosiness but this is a legit health issue that's possibly going to affect a wide range of people. i think it's right to point out where the source of the infestation could be coming from. that being said, it's possible that they're in a different apartment completely so there's a chance that everyone's living area could be checked. | i would say nta. putting your phobia aside, if you have a significant amount of roaches already in your apartment alone, that means there is a full blown infestation somewhere nearby. roaches are a huge risk to your health and this is definitely something you can’t tackle on your own. it could be the neighbor, it could not be, but you’re definitely nta for worrying about your own apartment being infested by someone else’s failure to be clean. | 6 |
9wtsn2 | aita for hiring my buddy? | the other day i got a call from a client, he had a last minute gig and they needed two people at $xx/hr. would i want to do it and did i know anyone else that would do it. i said i can do it and i will call around. i text my buddy (we'll call him greg) who is in the same industry. i said "you free for a gig tomorrow evening? $xx/hr and they want 2 people." he says sure. next night we show up and do the event, no issues. later, i give greg the client's email and tell him to send them his invoice directly. all of a sudden greg gets mad, he apparently doesn't like said client and said he only did the gig as a favor to me, and wouldn't ever work with client and so now is demanding his full rate $xxx. he seems to think i tricked or misled him. truthfully, i didn't know he had history with the client, nor did i know he was doing a special price just for me. i thought i was being nice by bringing him on, and i was upfront about the rate and commitment. in my mind there is no difference between me billing the client and then paying greg versus just having greg bill them directly. greg feels he was taken advantage of. so am i the asshole and how do i fix this? i don't want to lose a valuable industry connection but i also feel like greg is being unprofessional and petty. and obviously i have to make the client happy too. | nta | nta, bill the company for the original price, pay greg the price he agreed to and you're done. | nta. i have been in a similar situation but i was your friend and the client had assualted me. you don't need to know why he doesn't like the client but.... ...i would sit him down and say you honestly didn't know. but how should we move forward? the client has agreed on this price. they won't move forward. does he expect you to pay the difference? because you have bills to pay too. say you get where he is coming from, but you didn't know all this or even that he was charging mates rates. hopefully he has calmed down and you two can work something out. because now you know, it won't happen again. | 5 |
9wu7ih | aita for not wanting help my alcoholic dad? | today my estranged father called me for the first time in 6 years becauae surprise surprise, he got a dui. he lost his license and can no longer work becauae he drives for a living. during the call he asked me if i would be interested in driving him around 5 days a week for some fraction of his salary. i definitely do not want to start waking up early and driving my father around from sunup to sundown every day for 6 months, but i also dont want him to lose his job. (its the same job hes had since i was young and yaknow, fuck change). i also think it would just be too weird to start spending 8 hours a day with him after not talking for 6+ years. but again i hate the thought of him losing his job because of me. (or at least in part) i mean im 19 with no job but it just seems not right. i could head down the local fast food joint or super market and make more money and work better hours, but that wouldnt save my fathers job. am i the asshole for wanting to say no? | nta | nta, seriously don’t do it. all your doing is putting miles on your car and barely scraping by a salary. help your dad find another job instead. he won’t learn from his lesson if you let him slide by and work with him. | nta because it is not your responsibility. | 13 |
9wu851 | aita for calling my teacher dumb? | in the first quarter of grades in my school, i had two pretty bad quiz grades, which brought my grade total to a 75. because my grades will be sent out to colleges she bumped up my grade (along with other students) to an 80. last wednesday she gave us 2 worksheets to do, and we had to translate 2 pages of a book we’re reading. she told us these were due friday, and that we would have a substitute on that thursday. that substitute got some messed up instructions and told us to finish the translation by that class. i did. the substitute then told us that the other 2 papers would be due the next day (friday). i did one after school and planned to finish the other one during class. friday arrives and i start working on the worksheet, and my italian teacher tells us that she said on wednesday that the two papers and translation were both due on thursday (the day before) and took my empty paper and counted it as a grade. i was understandably upset at the substitute for giving us faulty information, because maybe i heard her wrong on wednesday. italian teacher tells me that it was all my fault. i explain that i was sorry, that my grandmother was in the hospital (she was brought into the hospital thursday afternoon, returned home friday night), and that my mind is in another place. she said that my grandmother being in the hospital is what i get for not doing my homework. that saturday night i had a few friends over (one of them has had her in the past, another one has the same italian class as i, and my last friend has never had this teacher). together we made a video called “[redacted] high school staff portrayed by spongebob”. for the two other italian teachers we used the ravioli ravioli scene. for my current italian teacher we used the “when people want to sound smart the talk loud, right?” “correct” scene from the episode band geeks. for other teachers and school staff, we made fun of they’re bald, called them terrible cops, and made fun of their personalities. my current italian teacher is the only teacher who didn’t enjoy it, as when i walked in to class this morning she said she was mad at me and explained why. i’d also like to make it a point that my friend who is also in my italian class was the one with the idea for her spongebob scene, and i was insisting against its inclusion, but it made it in anyways. my friend took credit for that scene, but im the one who she’s mad at. finally i’d like to add that the teacher is loud, and she even points it out. | yta | yta ​ obviously, calling someone dumb in a public video makes you an asshole. frankly i'm unsure why you need that explained. > finally i’d like to add that the teacher is loud, and she even points it out. very obviously not the thing she doesn't like. ​ | i’d be nice to your teacher since they’re giving you a charity participation prize grade bump to make you look good despite the fact that you didn’t earn it or deserve it. yta. | 19 |
9wueck | aita not liking my co worker | so just some context. i've been lucky with girls. sure, i have a lot of friends who are girls, but for the most part, finding a relationship has been hard. my friends say i give off creepy vibes, but was nice when they actually talked to me. and tbh i can understand where they are coming from, and there is not much i can do about it. i, for the most part, can ignore my demeanor, put on a smile and get through the day. so now onto the girl i work with. she's a fucking asshole. i'll try and say hi to her, and make small talk, but she completely ignores me. i'm not even hitting on her, i'm just trying to be nice, like i am to all my other coworkers. and to add on top of that, she lives in the same building as me, on the same floor. almost every weekend i see her come in with a different guy. now, i have nothing wrong with girls who sleep around. plenty of my friends are like that. if you're into that sort of thing, that's completely fine with me. however, this bitch is more comfortable sleeping with a complete stranger every weekend, than she is saying hi to someone she works with. even her friends say hi to me. like, i get that i'm a creepy fuck, and i get why that may deter you from wanting to talk with me. but like, fuck man, we work together, ain't nothing wrong with saying hi. ain't nothing wrong with showing a little decency. it's not even like i'm trying to hit on her, or be creepy about, i'm just saying hi. i just don't want this to be because of "nice guy syndrome", i wanna know if i'm in the right being mad at this girl. | yta | yta. don’t bring who she dates into this, that just reeks of being a “nice guy.” she should ignore you if you’re being creepy, but dude, don’t get too attached. it’s just a coworker. | yta. you are not entitled to a greeting from this woman and the fact that you are repeatedly trying to engage her and bringing her sex life into it is inappropriate. | 5 |
9wuv9u | aita for not wanting a new guy in my discord server. | background information: i have a discord server that i go into about every day and it's the main way any of my close friends contact each other. i have known most of the people in the discord server for about most, five years and least, one year. we post very personal information inside it, and is just an all around safe place for me and probably my friends. the server is split owned by all four of us, we all have access to the main owner account of the server. we are all basically co-owners. story: my friends and i recently started to play a game called cs:go together. we have been playing it for about the last three days, when some guy on the other team decided to send a friend request to my friend, that i will call friend 1. friend 1 decided to accept the friend request, but i didn't really think much of it. until when we que up for another match of cs:go and this rando joined in our party. this confused me a little but didn't care much since we would get in a match with randoms anyway. in the game the guy doesn't seem to speak much and is quite, in fact i had more fun talking to the other guys in the match then him. my initial thought after that match was that it seems like this guy doesn't talk much and will probably be forgotten about. i then tell friend 1 that i'm going to go make some food, watch tv and be back later. after about two hours of eating and cleaning, i come back to none of my friends in the discord voice but they were all online. my first instinct was to @ them, after i was invited to a group voice call a few seconds later. it had friend 1, another close friend i will call friend 2, and some random person that i did not recognize. they said they were all playing roblox prison escape, which was weird becuase i haven't played roblox for a long while, but i decided to join them. while this whole game is happening, i ask who the stranger is, no response. i ask again, with no response. they just keep talking about the game, i check to see if my mic is muted and it's not. i ask another time and finally get the reply of "it's the guy who friended friend 1 in cs:go. this shocked me becuase i didn't think there was any connection with the guy but obviously they thought otherwise. after a long two hours of playing this game and still barley talking to this guy, i decide to pack up and go to sleep. then the next day, i wake up and have a normal day doing normal me things. when near the end of the day i dicide to check on the discord server. to my dismay, i see this random dude i just met, is in our personal discord server. (anyone we have added into the server, one of us has at least known for a whole and met them in real life at least once), but now there is this random guy. i talk to friend 1 and my other friend, friend 3 about it. neither seemed to care too much but i later convinced friend 3 this was an issue. i didn't want some random guy in here. it seems like he is also treating this server to himself, as all the chat rooms are filled with pictures he uploaded and text conversations. all of these together made it almost impossible to just ignore him. i bring it up to friend 2, who is apparently the guy who invited the random. friend 2 seemed to have a _crush_ on this guy, someone we literally just met two days ago, over the internet! i am outraged and tell him to please not bring random people into this server unless we all agree on it. he tells me that i am being an asshole and that he will leave if i kick home. at this point i felt like friend 2 liked this random guy over me. i talk to him about how we should all agree on things like this and not go behind each others back. after a while it became a shouting match and everyone was getting irritated, but then friend 3 kicks the random out of the server and i feel better. friend 2 gets mad and leaves the server, as in he actually leaves the server not just the voice channel. i think friend 2 is over reacting and i only wanted to keep the server with close friends. friend 1 is complaining about how he thinks we both were overreacting and that i was apart of the issue. i think in all, the random guy should of been kicked no doubt about it. i think friend 2 should of never invited him into our personal discord channel without asking all of us first. added info: i don't mind talking to new people and would love to actually meet the guy, but i would only like for that to happen outside of the discord channel first, then a decision would be made about inviting him. | nta | nta. if it's your private discord server, then your friends should ask first before adding random people. it sounds to me like they're the assholes for ignoring you and not asking you before adding him. | nta but the easy fix is to add admin levels so 1) only you can add people 2) you can lock “new guy” out of certain chats and text channels 3) no more rando’s are added, and if they are they aren’t in your personal channels. | 4 |
9wve19 | aita for blowing up at a friend for taking unsolicited pics of me? | so for some context, me and two other friends went to a music festival recently. let’s say their names are frank and john. i’ve known them for years but am much more closer to john despite knowing him for far shorter of a time than frank. before the festival, we went out to eat and i made told my friends around the table that i did not want pictures of me taken. i was gonna roll pretty hard and did not want to have pictures of me taken. i have seen what bad images can do to a person’s career and as i am a freshman in college, i really don’t want that to happen to me because a friend posted something bad on instagram. they all say sure and we go along our day. we get to the festival and everything’s going amazing until about 3/4 through the final act. i notice that frank is taking pictures of me with the camera directly aimed at me. at this point, i sort of blow up. i grab his phone and immediately start to delete the pictures but there’s way to much of them and he shoves me and grabs his phone. john notices at this point and intervenes. i explain that frank was taking pictures of me pretty whacked out and frank denies it. when john asks to look through frank’s phone, he refuses till john eventually just pins him down and forces him to show (john is a pretty big guy). after going through and deleting the photos and wiping the recently deleted folder, he holds on to frank’s phone for the rest of the festival and i go back to dancing. while we were heading back to the parking lot, frank stops and says that i should be nicer to him since he is driving us home. i should insert here that me and john each gave him more than enough money for gas and paid for parking. i am pretty high at this point and i just sort of stare in disbelief and tell frank to stop being an asshole to which he proceeds to run ahead and lock himself in his car. john pulls out frank’s phone and holds it hostage till he lets us both in and me and frank argue all night with frank saying i ruined his night by not letting him take photos of me in “optimal lighting” and me telling him how that should not be an issue because i did not want to be photographed. haven’t talked to a frank or john since then but apparently frank is telling mutual friends that i ruin festivals and that i almost broke his phone. aita? | nta | nta. you made your wishes clear and your friend knowingly agreed, then proceeded to violate your trust. | nta, but probably could've handled it better. well, might've been tough while rolling and at a festival. but definitely not the best way to approach the problem. ideally, though, there wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. frank shouldn't have been taking pictures of you, he shouldn't have demanded you be nicer, and he shouldn't have locked you guys out of the car. aaand of course he shouldn't be talking to all these other uninvolved people about it because that's only going to lead to more trouble. so he's the asshole, you're not. | 9 |
9wvq5u | aita for wanting natural disasters to happen to my town? | a bit of backstory i’ve always loved natural disasters. when the tsunami in japan happened i watched all the youtube videos of the tsunami devouring the city’s and country areas. during hurricane katrina i watched the news coverage as much as possible. i’ve always wanted to see a tsunami like that, a hurricane like that, a 8.0+ magnitude earthquake, an f 5 tornado, a volcano erupt, i wanna see all these amazing things in person. i told my friend that i hope a hurricane or tsunami hits us and she told me i was an asshole for wanting people to lose their families as well as their belongings all so i can see a natural disaster. now. i have no control over the weather also i live in a state that is one of the very few states that would have better luck having someone win the lottery 5x in a row then us get hit with any natural disaster. so why am i the asshole for wanting something to happen that we all know never will? | yta | yta because you're basically wishing harm on people for your amusement. you want to see those things, become a storm chaser or something. | my family had to live through hurricane maria. they were without electric power for a month and a half; they were extremely lucky. many of my people lost their homes, having to live in school classrooms for a few days only to return to homes blown away. some spent half a year without electricity or water; imagine six months of not being able to flush the toilet unless you dropped a bucket of water into it. some of my people had to leave our homeland just to eke out a future. your desire to experience this for yourself is borne out of an ignorance to the suffering that natural disasters bring. or in short: yta. | 3 |
9wvqju | aita for telling my mom that if i had kids, that i would never let her see them? | context: this was about a year ago, but i still think about it a lot. aita for telling my mom that she wouldn't be allowed to see my kids if she continued down her road of alcoholism? i told my mom this in a therapy session. she had emotionally abused me for years, and from time to time would get physical. from yelling at me to shaming me, she did it. for the first few months of my freshman she was so drunk that she couldn't get out of bed. she had a suicide attempt and thats when my dad learned about all the abuse i had gone through. because of what i went through, i don't want my future children to be around someone who is drunk and not a good role model. don't get me wrong, i love my mother, and she is great now, but still drinks. i'm not sure how i feel about her drinking, but i don't want it to increase. i love her so much, and it really hurt to say this, but i can't just let her get away with what happened to me and the trauma that i went through. currently, she is great with my sister's kids, but she's drinking, smoking, and she isn't taking her meds (bipolar). i want her to go to therapy, and i've told her this. she was extremely angry at me and i still feel like shit for saying it, but does that make me an asshole? ​ edited: i want to specify that i currently don't have kids. i'm 16 and living with my dad and spend weekends with her, my sister, and her kids. | nta | nta. you’re protecting your children from someone who isn’t a good role model for your children and might bring harm to them from not taking medication. you’ve given her an ultimatum, and she’s chosen her path. it’s in her hands to change, not yours to cave in. | you are responsible for protecting your kids and raising them right. letting an emotionally abusive bipolar drunk that doesnt take her meds around them would be failing that duty. so nta. | 3 |
9wvsel | aita for swearing angrily at a guy right to his face after his dog ran out of his yard and attacked my wife walking our dog? | so it happened this morning, and i feel pretty guilty about loosing my sh*t at the guy, i’m usually calm in most situations and have been attacked by two dogs myself a few years ago and didn’t go off at the owners, while at a dog park with my gsd, who is pretty placid. we were walking along the street like we do every morning , my wife and i walk to the bus stop for me to go to work. as were were waking two boxer dogs ran out from a yard (side gate apparently) and ran towards us, one back paddled and the other body slammed our gsd and my wife, she had the lead of our dog. i moved in to stop the dog, but it started lunging and biting my dog things escalated pretty quickly. i kicked the dog off my wife a few times and it kept coming back (our gsd didn’t retaliate which was good/lucky) few moments later of snarling, lunging and biting the guy ran up and got his dog as it circled for another pass. i walked up to his face and said “are you fu*king kidding me, letting your dog off the lead like that, fu*k sakes” he said “they got out the gate.” my wife said “sorry (for me) it’s the shock”. that i reacted like that. (this was the only exchange of words) in saying that the fella was a bit bigger than me mid 30s or so, he did seem like he was ready for me to hit him i could see that cross his mind (i have never been in a fight) but for me the thought didn’t cross mind. i turned around and walked away with our dog and wife, stopped around the corner checked on both of them, no blood drawn few scratch marks and a bit shaken up. my wife said my reaction was fair and hopefully it makes the guy a bit more vigilant next time. anyway spent the whole way to work over thinking my reaction... i know i’d sign say anything i regret but it was a reaction personally i wasn’t expecting... am i the asshole? tldr ; dog attacks wife and my dog, i scream at his face for letting his dogs loose. | nta | nta. you just used some strong language and a raised voice after trying to protect your wife from his dogs. his negligence could have had far worse consequences. | nta. you cant be blamed for your reaction in a situation like that. you were in fight mode, you cant just turn that off like a switch, you need time to come down from it. which is why at this point you feel bad. dont feel bad. that was a reflexive action, and you still maintained great control by not killing the dog or hitting him. he deserved to be cussed out. whether the dog got out accidentally or not, it charged at your wife and dog. if he cant control that dogs behaviour, perhaps he shouldnt have it... personally i would say if that dogs aggression is a problem for other animals, people, or children, then it should warrant a call to the police or animal control. | 4 |
9wvu2i | aita for skipping work without telling anyone? | or , more accurately, not telling anyone until the last minute. to put it simply, i despise my current job. while it pays well and the work is not particularly difficult (sorting freight), the people i am forced to work with make it incredibly difficult to work at the level which seems to be expected of me. i could probably deal with my issues with the other employees and the management, however i work in an area where i am alone for most of the night, and am basically only spoken to when something has gone wrong (usually just having miss-sorted a couple of boxes); even then, i usually only get to hear my manager give me an extremely patronizing speech about how i "should know better". again, not the worst thing in the world, but when when you're spending five nights a week with that as your only communication with other humans it tends to weigh heavily on your mind, you know? anyway, come last night i just couldn't take it anymore. i'd had a bad night the night before- the start of the christmas rush meant that there was overall a much more stressful environment than usual. on top of existing mental health issues, the stress of keeping up with even more impossible-than usual expectations meant that i ended up having a near-complete mental breakdown when it came time to drive home. i was able to find temporary consolation in pizza and netflix when i got home, however when it came time to go to work last night i found myself completely falling apart, to the point that i almost caused a major accident while driving. as soon as that happened i decided to pull over, and almost-compulsively pulled out my phone and sent a text message to my boss that i couldn't make it in because of personal issues. that was met with a flurry of messages in return saying that i was absolutely needed tonight- understandable, since it is the busiest time of the year; however i found myself unable to respond as i found myself panicking to the point where i needed to call the suicide hotline to help calm myself down. anyway, i'm in a much better place today; i was able to get an appointment with my doctor this morning to get a new antidepressant prescription, and i've been in a generally good mood for the first time in a while. i've even started searching applying for a bunch of different jobs. but i can't shake the feeling that by skipping my shift at such a busy time without opportunity for someone else to take over, as well as by wanting to take a couple more days off to make sure i'm in the best mental state possible, that i have been/will be a massive asshole. so aita in this situation? | nta | nope, nta. you’ve got to look after your own self and well being before you can be productive in the workplace. the way i see it - if you’d continue at the same pace, you’d be taking more time off work than one day. congrats on seeking the help you needed. onwards and upwards! | definitely nta. you had a medical problem (mental health is just as important as physical health) and sought and are continuing to seek appropriate treatment. a doctor can write you a note for work if they need it (mine requires one after 3 days) but totally take the time you need. best wishes in finding a better job with a better boss. | 2 |
9wvx2x | aita for letting my friends sleep in my bed? | last night was my final day of working in a bar that i have been at for almost 3 years, we had drinks when we finished and then went back to mine to carry on drinking. at the end of the night i let 2 of my workmates (1 male and 1 female) sleep in my bed and i slept on the floor in my lounge. my girlfriend is very upset that i let another girl sleep in my bed and blew up at me about it (she is 21 and im 23). she thinks shes justified in being mad at me where i feel like ive done nothing wrong and am copping shit for it. aita for letting my close friends/workmates sleep in my bed or should i have kicked them out? any input is greatly appreciated. (also i have my own place and my girlfriend does not live with me) | nta | nta. if you had shared the bed with her, you'd be ta. you slept on the floor and let her avoid driving home drunk. you're a decent guy, op, and it sounds like your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you being conscientious of other women, no matter how harmless. | nta. shes jealous, yes. should she be, no. it was perfectly innocent and you gave your mates a safe place to sleep their drunk off. good man! but maybe she considers that her turf. any reason why you guys havent moved in together? | 7 |
9ww26q | aita for getting really annoyed that my girlfriend constantly calls me? | i'm not annoyed enough to say anything, and i feel like if i did i would be an asshole, but my girlfriend will always call me when she gets off work and when she gets out of class, mostly while she's driving, and then will vent to me for about 10 minutes every time she does. i literally say like 5 words the whole time and she just talks and talks. it's ok, i know she needs to get things off her chest, but i can't the thought of having those constant phone calls every day just becomes exhausting. my free time is limited as well, and like i know she doesn't really have any one else to talk to but to lose like 20 minutes at least sometimes more to her every day calling me to complain about something that happened at work, it's exhausting and frustrating. i don't say anything, because i know she needs it for her mental health, and because i genuinely love her, and i don't not enjoy talking to her, but every day, for 20 minutes at least a day, i'm getting constant negative energy because she needs to unload all the negativity she has accrued from work onto me, and it cuts into my already limited free time. i hang out with her a lot, i go to school, i have a job. my job is a lot more low stress than hers, and i don't really have anything to complain about. she also has a terrible family, and for some reasons i don't want to get into right now can't afford to move out, so when she calls me and it's not about work it's about her shitty family. again, i get it, she needs someone to talk to, i'm the only person she trusts, her family really sucks it's not petty dumb things she's complaining about, but holy shit, it's exhausting. it saps all the energy i have out of me. ​ and that's not to say it's a bad relationship, it's not, she's a funny, loving person when i'm with her, she can be funny on the phone sometimes, i genuinely enjoy hanging out with her, it's just the constant negative energy i get from her every single day she has work, or when something shitty happens at home, which is frequent, it's exhausting. i know it comes with the territory, and i know she feels bad for constantly complaining to me about things, she's self aware, she's not dumb. she just needs the emotional release. i get it. it's just tiring. i don't know if i should talk to her about it, because i know she would feel really bad she was making me feel that way, and i would also feel bad because i'm not the one with the problems. but it makes me so tired every time she does, i literally will put the phone down sometimes and be angry, or just put the phone down sometimes and let her vent without actually listening to her, because that's how much i'm participating in the conversation. | nta | nta, you can't be her perpetual sounding board. she's calling you to vent, not to talk, why do you need that? you're not her therapist, you aren't responsible for her mental health. | nta friend soon you will be like the rest of us long term relationshippers, blocking out words, then sentences and eventually entire conversations. enjoy! | 6 |
9ww3f6 | aita for messing up with crush? | tl;dr: girl loses interest after ex stops by. i act like an ass then apologize. she "wants to be friends" then disappears. i started talking this girl (online) and we really hit out off. we texted for a few days and had a "maybe" to meet. she bailed the day of, because her cousins birthday party ran long. i said i would like to meet her this week but next week is okay if she wanted to talk more. we texted/talked on the phone with plans to do something the next saturday. saturday rolls around and she bails again! she texts me ~2.5 hours after we were supposed to meet and said she's sorry. she said she left her phone in the car during an office party and she also had the time wrong.. i accepted it and said how about tomorrow? then she mentions her cousin was planning to kidnap her and bring her back sometime tomorrow. the next day she texts hey and gives me the sidestep. after nearly the entire day she agrees to meet me. we hang out at her house and have a relaxed time. the next day she's even more open. without disclosing too many details on here, her ex came by after a really crappy day and did something nice for her. this is the same ex she's been out of a relationship with for 5 months; they dated 4 years and were supposed to get married that halloween. she said it never worked between them and that they were still friends. the sunday i met her i could tell she still liked him. that monday after the visit she went to bed earlier than usual. the next day she was super distant w/ me, where she had been wanting more all the time. in hindsight i should have done something different, but i mentioned she still had feelings for her ex and i liked her way too much for how much she seemed to like me. i also said that we should be friends (which is what she said she wanted anyway, most of the time). this really struck a nerve with her! she got mad and maybe blocked me? she didn't respond except for one text, so i assume she did. anyway, 9 days later i message her on the dating app and apologize. my timing was awful but i never knew where i stood with her (so many mixed signals). it didn't help i mentioned this (ex thing) on the 30th, when she probably had a lot on her mind. she sends back "i would like to be friends", but doesn't respond to anything after that. i may have waited too long. she may have lost interest. in any case, **am i the asshole**? | nta | wait, i’m not really reading the asshole part.. you told her it seemed she still liked her ex & she didn’t seem as invested as you are? if so, nta. you’ve been giving some mixed signals & the ex is a red flag, imo. she does not seem to be ready to be in a serious relationship & there isn’t anything wrong w that! but, you saying how you feel doesn’t make you an asshole. sorry dude | nta. but prob won’t work out with her, just bad timing, not really your fault when she’s still (understandingly) hung up on her ex. | 1 |
9wwgji | aita for arguing with my already-upset wife about our daughter’s interests? | my wife has very evidently had a bad day, and she doesn’t hide it well. our daughter (8) watches a few tv shows (spirit and pokémon, mostly), and is so in love with both of the shows that she talks about them regukarly. (before anyone gets upset, she also reads a ton, ton of books (she’s recently gotten into harry potter) and plays outside with her cousins every day. we regulate her screen time.) anyway, my wife today claims that whenever our daughter speaks, she’s talking about her shows, and it’s driving my wife absolutely bonkers. yesterday, my daughter started talking about spirit, and my wife interrupted her to say, “stop, can you please talk about something else? every time you open your mouth lately you’re just talking about one of your shows.” it made me very upset with my wife to stifle our daughter this way, but my daughter shrugged it off and went about her merry business. fast forward to about half an hour ago when my wife and i were talking about why she’s felt so irritable lately. she expressed some recent motherly frustrations, relatively common stuff, then mentioned the tv stuff again (how our daughter never talks about anything other than her shows). i reminded her how rude she’d been the night before, and how she’s actively showing disinterest in our daughter’s interests. my thought it, yeah, they’re dumb tv shows, but so what? she’s a kid, and that’s what she’s into right now. my wife said she doesn’t care about pokémon, she doesn’t know them, she doesn’t get it, etc. i told her that’s not the point, that she *could* care by asking our daughter about it, etc, and my wife replied with, “you just don’t get it, never mind, ugh.” i (as i often do) didn’t drop it right away and reminded my wife that she doesn’t get to choose what our daughter remembers from her childhood. at that, my wife pulled a deep sigh (restraining herself from fighting), got up, muttered, “fuck you,” under her breath, and went upstairs (slamming the office door when she got there). i can tell my wife had a bad day today, so i probably shouldn’t have pushed. that said, it’s also not okay with me that she actively expresses disinterest in the things our daughter is interested in. aita for this exchange? edit 1- yes, i made the worst mistake of my life on the worst day of my life when i cheated on my wife a few months ago. i own my mistakes, and will work to stay in her good graces as long as she decides she wants me. not that it’s anyone’s business, but we’ve been talking and working through stuff basically nonstop since then, and have recently opened our marriage (at her request). since then, we are both happier than we’ve been in a while, and stronger together than we’ve been in years. so yeah, that happened, but that is a complete non-factor in the discussion at hand. today, we’re talking about a few exchanges between my daughter and my wife, and an exchange between my wife and myself. edit 2- psa: when you make a throwaway account, actually throw it away when you're done with it. don't re-use it months later and hope that people will stay focused. "at the end of the day, throw it away." | nta | nta. everyone gets cranky and irrational, so see if you can’t do something to help your so’s mood without being confrontational. anything from cleaning up the house (even if it was already clean) to cooking a nice dinner to taking her on a date someplace fun and spontaneous. then, after some stress relief or time, she might be more willing to talk and listen to reason. if your so isn’t down for pokémon with your kid though, now’s prime time for you to step up your game and support your kid!! take her to your local gaming store to play the pokémon card game or get her some of the manga- pokémon is not a screen only hobby! | nta. some people make good points though, i’m all for her interests, in a 24y/o pokémon nut. with a 3y/o. i do have a younger step brother, 9-10 i can’t remember, but he is the same way with pokémon and (poor child) fortnite. i personally think it’s great to be so passionate about something, but talking about it constantly is a bit socially inept. i had a rough time as a younger kid for this reason, everything i talked about was video games or pokémon. it took me a while to learn that other people have other things they want to talk about. maybe your wife was rude about it, but on the flip side of it, someone has to give her some boundaries about when and when not to talk about the interests she has. | 134 |
9wxkqq | aita for scaring people who run red lights? | i’ll be first in row, stopped at a red light in a major intersection. my side, as well as the opposing side is making a left turn. light turns green for me as a car or two still pass by “catching” the left turn from the opposing side... but that last car who clearly ran the red a second or two after is pretty wild. mind you, i don’t live in a major city and the turn lights are designated. aita for speeding up to their car to where they panic and start looking at me like “what the hell are you doing!?” | yta | yta, you're just increasing the chance of causing an accident. when driving you should focus on protecting yourself from shitty/asshole drivers. scaring or punishing people for driving dangerously to change their behavior is a job for the traffic cops. | yta, please don’t delete this post because it will be relevant when this behaviour puts you in court, hospital or morgue it sounds like this light doesn’t give oncomers enough time to slow down properly and people wind up having to either brake extremely hard and possibly land in the intersection, or just zip through. also sounds like other motorists are aware of the issue and doing their best to make things work, aside from you | 54 |
9wybck | aita for refusing to let homeless "friend" even visit my place? | so yeah. i have this not really friend, more like a friend of a friend. i barely know him, but sadly, he got dumped by his gf and is now homeless. the problem is i live with my parents and can't really make those decisions. another problem is that he is like 23 and i´m barely 18. now, had it been a really close friend, of course i would have *tried*, but i barely know this guy, and he has been pestering me for months now. also, from what i've heard, he is a horrible house guest. he has long, thick hair and when he brushes it large balls of hair come out, which he just leaves on the floor or on whatever couch or something he sits on. he is into some weird sexual stuff and brings it up to everyone, even strangers, and has a hobby of watching really nasty porn infront of people. i've also heard from my friends that did take him in that once he is there, it can take up to a week to get him to leave, because he literally refuses, and even locks himself in to stay. am i an asshole for refusing to even let him *see* my place knowing that he has used that as an excuse to stay for weeks. | nta | oh jeez, definitely nta. | this is so much nta that i have to actually wonder how much has he guilt tripped you to make you doubt yourself | 273 |
9wydb8 | aita for flirting with multiple girls at once? | so yeah, i know i prolly sounds bad, but hear me out. i am pretty flirty, and i ususally talk with at least 2 girls at one time. is this ok? we usually meet up and that's it, but i'm not in a relationship. my friends are okay with it except one girl who thinks i'm an asshole, and that what i'm doing is horrible, even though i'm honest about wanting nothing serious with the girls. i've never lied to get with a girl, so why does this friend of mine think it's so bad, she's not religious or like super moral or nothing... | nta | as long as you’re not leading any of those girls on to believe that you want a relationship with them, i’d say nta. nothing wrong with being single and flirting around. not sure about your friend, maybe she’s into you | nta thats a normal style of dating. as long as you are upfront then they can either agree or not. that one girl who thinks you are an asshole, is she a friend or a girl you flirted with. if friend, she thinks you are playing with girls hearts. if she brings it up point out you are upfront with them and some women are happy to have a flirty casual relationship. just because she wouldn't be into that kind of relationship doesn't mean others aren't and she should trust in you and these other women be adults. if flirted, she is hurt she isn't "special" to you and your arent inclusive. ynta if you were upfront and explained this from start. | 10 |
9wz6jv | aita for telling a guy that "instantly" fell in love with me to first become friends? | so i met this guy a couple of days ago. not even after 24h of knowing each other, he already starts flirting and hitting on me. i didn't really react to that, mostly because no one hits on me because i'm really socially awkward, and i don't really know what to do when this happens. later on he starts asking for nudes, shared a covered sausage picture. i was kind of angry because even if i'm close to 18 i'm still underaged. and he's 20. he seems like a nice person on the outside, he's an administrator of a server i'm playing constantly and he's always been nice, but once he's out of that he's weird. i would have seriously given him a chance if it weren't for his behaviour. i told him "look, we can't have a relationship if we don't even know each other. if we don't have a foundation of friendship or acquaintance at the very least." he said (before i came up with the idea of being friends) he would love me no matter what anyway, and i was rather taken aback. after i told him what i want, he's been cold and distant, ignoring me most of the time. aita for telling him that? aita for expecting this result? wibta if i told him i want nothing to do with him? | nta | nta. it looks like you dodged a bullet there | nta and the fact that you're underage and he's acting like that is a huge red flag. it's super creepy. i wouldn't even engage him in conversation anymore. be safe, op. | 3 |
9wziv6 | aita for calling to report a gas station employee? | so i go in to a speedway to get five dollars in gas, a black & mild, and a slushie like i have at least once a week for the past five years. everyone in this gas station knows me and my order, i have shown my id there on multiple occasions to the point were no one cards me anymore. besides this one lady we'll call her sarah. she has been there two year and i've had multiple interactions with her most of them being unpleasant. so i know she knows who i am and who old i am. it's my turn to check out so i ask for $5 on my pump and a 85c black & mild, she ask for an id, which unfortunately today i did not have tody do to only have a paper id at the moment. i tell her it's fine and i will just take the gas and the slushie. after my transaction with her i walk around to the other cashier (which is one of the coolest people there, he has even given/let me use a lighter before) and ask for the black & mild which he agrees to and proceeds to cash me out. sarah comes over and starts yelling at the both of us, telling me how i had no right to go to her coworker after she had just denied me. i try to explain that i'm 21 years old and how her and this man had seen my id before, how neither of us had done anything wrong, and how she had no right to yell at either of us. she was not having it so i grabbed my cigar apologized to the guy that sold it to me for any trouble i may have caused, to which he tell me he could lose his job. i went to pump my gas, at which point another customer comes to me and explains that she is like this with everyone and how he avoids this gas station at all cost because (and i quote) "she's always on some bullshit". i thank him and drive home to get my id. upon returning to the store to show her my id to make sure the guy wasn't fired. she tell me she can't accept a paper id, which i know is a lie not only because one of the acceptable forms of identification she listed was a government issued id and my paper id came from the bmv. but also because multiple speedways in my area including that one has accepted paper ids from me before. i explained that to her and she tells me that they don't accept paper ids or expired ids (which is funny cause the card id i had a couple weeks ago expired in march and she personal accepted it). she continued to yell and tell me she found not accept it and she was just going her job. at this point i was tired of talking and ask for a complaint form. which she at first told me was on the rack with the applications, they weren't. i tell her they aren't there and she proceeds to snap more telling me she only doing her job and that she would write down her name, her job title, and the number for me. i get home to call and instead of customer service she gave me the number to the store help services for store experiencing problems. i had to wait on hold for 30-45 mins to get the actual number, then had to wait on hold for another 45-60 mins before getting a person that could take down my complaint. tl;dr. got carded asked another cashier for my contraband, got yelled at. produced an id, got yelled at and lied to. got feed up, reported employee. am i the asshole here? | yta | yta. also, been going there for the past 5 years and you're 21yo now? welp, theres plenty of reason to check your id everytime you come in, then. | yta. her job requires that she check id. she's a bitch about it, but it's her job. the paper id can definitely be declined since there is no photo. it should accompany your expired photo id. | 140 |
9wzlmd | aita for wanting to go to a concert with another girl? | first ever post on reddit in my 2+ years of lurking so forgive me if my formatting or anything else is not correct. for context im a 24 year old guy and my girlfriend is the same age. so last saturday i went out with a couple of friends whilst my girlfriend stayed at home, one friend was there that i haven't seen in a while but have been friends with for over 8 years. the friend is a girl. the night goes on and she eventually tells me she has a spare ticket to a concert on the following thursday and she's upset because the person she was supposed to be going with won't be going with her anymore. it's for a band that i used to enjoy when i was younger so i checked my schedule and i was free that evening and said i would go with her so she wouldn't have to go alone. obviously she's very happy as she thought she was going to be going alone and i'm happy because i get to see an old band that i used to like and get to spend the night with an old friend. my girlfriend on the other hand is not happy. at all. she is saying that i'm not allowed to go with her because "just you and her going to a concert is basically a date." for the sake of honesty and to get an unbiased opinion it is worth noting that when me and this friend were 16/17 we shared a drunk kiss - which my girlfriend knows about. but in the 7 years after nothing of a romantic nature has happened between us. i can't understand my girlfriends reasoning because in my head i know how platonic our friendship is and it is the furthest thing from a date that i can imagine, it's just two friends enjoying a concert together. i've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years, living together for just over 1. we've been arguing about it for the past few days, the concert is tomorrow and we can't come to any kind of agreement, she flat out refuses to listen to my reasoning and is telling me i can't go. so, aita in this situation? what do you guys think?? | yta | i'm torn. this sounds like a date, even if you're not thinking about it like that, and i sorta think yta for setting this whole thing up without talking to your gf first. you should have known it would make her uncomfortable, and possibly for good reason - you mentioned you haven't seen this friend much recently. was the last time you spent any considerable time with this other girl around that drunken kiss? if so, it's pretty reasonable for her to assume that if you two start spending time together again it'll be a threat to your current relationship with your gf. that being said, i don't think you necessarily shouldn't go to the concert. you just need to set some very clear boundaries in order to make it something that your gf is comfortable with (and those might be things that you think are 'overkill' or 'ridiculous'). i'd try approaching the conversation with your gf with "what, explicitly, makes you uncomfortable about this? what could i do to make you feel better?" then actually listen to what she's saying. if she's worried about you being drunk, offer not to drink. if she thinks being alone with this girl is too much, offer to buy your gf a ticket. | so there are boundaries in every relationship. she's drawn the line here. this crosses the boundary for her. if you're not comfortable with that, you need to break it off with your gf. so nta if you decide this relationship is not for you and you split up. yta if you say fuck her feelings, i'm going to do what i want and still expect her to be okay with it. | 5 |
9wzmtq | aita for hitting someones car in the drive thru on purpose? | ok, so i was trying to make a dash to mcdonalds to grab some food before a show came on. i jumped in the car without even putting on my shoes and headed down the street. there is a mcdonalds that has a shared parking lot with a grocery store. if you go in from the street side you have to drive around the back of the mcdonalds to get to the drive thru line. but if you come from the grocery store side you can pull up directly to the spot to order as long as there isn't a line already. in which case you'd also have to drive around the mcdonalds. so as i came from behind the mcdonalds i'm driving thru the lane and coming to the last corner right before where you place your order. as i pull up a car shoots in from the grocery store side and cuts me off and pulls directly into the drive thru line ahead of me. i let this guy go, i felt like he was a dick, but he beat me there, no big deal. but now i'm stopped at that corner bc he's now stopped on the other side of it. and this is where it gets weird. because after that car another car pulls in with a couple of women in it (i only know this bc of the result, i didn't know who was in the car at the time). this car pulls directly up to the line as well except now it's full of cars. this car lines up directly in front of me as if they plan on cutting me off as well. at this point i don't even know what to think bc i have no idea why they thought this was gonna be ok. so i immediately pulled closer to the car ahead of me, but because of the corner there was a gap on the right side (because the turn is to the left). the other car pulls up closer too as if we have entered into some amazingly slow ass game of chicken. and i pull up literally about 3-6 inches, she pulls up a little. i pull up, she pulls up. and now are cars are at a point that's so close that i can't believe we haven't already touched. i moved up one last time just to show that i'm not gonna back down and she inched up again as well. and honestly at this point i kinda said fuck it. the spot on my right front fender had a mild scrape on it from a pole i had scraped a few months before this. i just put the car in gear and hit her as hard as i could in 3 inches, which honestly did nothing to my car but tore hers up pretty good. she jumps out of the car livid. screaming at me "look what you did!". and i just looked at her and said "you did that!". then she says "i have a witness!!!". and i tell her "lady, look where my car is, i'm in the lane! you are not. who do you think they'll side with?" then she said she was going to call the cops. which i had to say "thanks, because i didn't even bring shoes, let alone my phone". the lady got back in her car and took off. a couple of people from mcdonalds came outside after she took off asking if i wanted to call the cops (and saying "that was friggin awesome!") i asked them to. when the cop got there he took down the information but they never found her. the cop actually said because it happened on private property fault would have been 50/50. but because she drove off she would end up being found at fault (but that never happened). so am i the asshole for hitting her car? edit 2: i don't mind if you think i'm an asshole on this. i wasn't going to back down and maybe that in itself is enough to some people to warrant being an asshole. if that's your view. i get it. thanks for taking time to vote. but from my perspective this woman felt like she could basically just bully me into letting her in front of me. i didn't want any of it. but i didn't want to be taken advantage of either. if she would have even asked me if she could go in front i definitely would have let her. but the way she did this was so disrespectful that i would have felt like a complete pussy for allowing it. so if you feel like i have to allow her to punk me or face being an asshole i'm completely comfortable with that. but if you think i'm an asshole because i overlooked something i could have done differently (besides just giving up) then i hope you'll share that with me so i can see it differently. edit 3: i apologize for any arguing in the comments. i thought debating this was what i was supposed to do, like make my case. i was wrong about it. won't happen further but i may make some edits here for where i feel there are confusing issues. edit 4: you guys are hilarious. i guess asshole it is. but better than a pussy imo. tl;dr as i was joining a line in a drive thru a car cut me off and then about a minute later a second car attempted to do the same thing except this time i didn't budge and after we inched forward back and forth about 12 times i hit her car going less than 3 mph that dented her car. | yta | yta. she is obviously an ass hole too, but you actually intentionally hit her vehicle. how old are you? it's mcdonald's drive through. sure we all get pissed at jerks and the injustice when first come first serve isn't honored, but what the actual fuck.... did you gain anything? did you get your food any faster? do you think she learned a lesson? | yta. she was an asshole too, but you were a far bigger one, as what you did was wildly disproportionate. cutting someone off is mildly assholish, damaging their car is worse. and then you called the cops trying to get her in trouble? could you have called the cops for someone cutting you off in line? because that was the only thing she did. asshole. | 198 |
9wzv0h | aita for staying 15 minutes longer to talk? | hey, so i cheated on my boyfriend, with a coworker during the launch. it was a mistake and i am an asshole for that. my boyfriend has always been controlling and asking me about what i'm doing, but since that it's been really rising up. i'm not blaming him for wanting to know what i do etc, it's understandable and i also told him it's fine, i'll always say what i'm doing with who etc. but, what i'm hating is that he is not believing me. he always says "yea and then you're meeting with -guy i cheated him with-" and because of this, i've adjusted what i do. \- i don't go out with my coworkers to eat anymore (also because i want to save money) \- i don't go out by myself anymore (also because he says "what am i supposed to do?") \- in total have less me-time \- i always try to answer him instantly, even sending work pictures so that he can see i'm working ​ but i still am trying to improve career vise, such as giving a talk at a university. when i'm there, he's also blaming me of cheating, wanting to know what i do. there was one time where i stayed 15 minutes longer where i talked with two students, and he was accusing me of cheating there. ​ ​ so my question is, ​ am i an asshole, for giving a talk at a university, for staying 15 minutes longer to talk with the students there? am i an asshole for wanting me-time? | yta | he doesn't trust you after you cheated on him? what a surprise. yta. work on repairing his trust. | yta. not for the 15 minutes, but for not understanding that what you did hurt your bf. you were the person he trusted the most and you completely betrayed that trust. it takes a very long time to get over that, if he ever does. every time you are unexpectedly not responding he will think back to the time you cheated on him. it is an awful feeling that you can't get rid off. in the meantime you should be supportive of his feelings and try to accommodate what he wants, if you want the relationship to work. however, you should also have an honest conversation with him to see if he is ever going to be able to trust you again. if he can't it is time to both move on. good luck | 15 |
9x0225 | aita - roommate [40s m] got mad at me [22 f] for vaping in the apartment | i have epilepsy and use cbd to manage it (don't take any other epilepsy medication + discussed this with my neurologist), but it also makes me sleepy so i usually just vape a little before bed in my room. haven't had any complaints about smell or anything until now. so last night, my other roommate [21 f] had a headache, and i offered her cbd to help (it worked!) but my older roommate saw us using it in the living room and got super upset he claimed that he's been "feeling something" because of the vape... he's also been sober/straight edge for 13 years-- not because he was an addict or an alcoholic before, but because he became a buddhist. he really frowns on drugs/people who use any kind of substance. my other roommate and i talked about it afterward and we both felt like we were being scolded by our dad or something. i tried to explain that i used the vape to manage epilepsy and that i thought he was being unreasonable (the apartment has a high ceiling and lots of open air, and i'm taking like a couple puffs a day), but he wouldn't budge. he claimed that he also had a "medical condition" (an allergy that i'm 90% sure he made up on the spot)... also worth noting, we live in a large city and he definitely passes dudes smoking weed on the sidewalk every day if he goes outside... i don't want to have to take my epilepsy meds outside in the winter at night, but i also don't want to be a douchebag if this is really a big deal for him... but i also kind of feel like he's just trying to be controlling? is this really the same thing as smoking weed in the house? am i the asshole?? | nta | nta because your vape is medicine, not something you use to get fucked up. however you should work out with your roommate where it would be appropriate to use it. if i had a roommate who claimed to be sensitive to smoke, i wouldn’t light a bunch of candles in the house - maybe just one in my bedroom. so maybe you can agree to only vape in your room, or next to an open window. or just do it when he’s not there; i would give you 95% odds that he won’t notice it even if you were to hotbox the living room. | nta as long as from now on you don't use it in the common areas of the apartment since he has voiced the fact that he doesn't like it. if you wanted to be extra courteous you could blow the vapor out the window, but if it truly is only 2 or 3 puffs it shouldn't really be a big deal either way. and just for what it's worth, you probably felt like you were being scolded by your father because he's literally old enough to be your father. this is one of the many reasons most women in their early 20's wouldn't be ok with having a 40 year old man for a roommate. | 7 |
9x0lpt | aita for telling my friend his crush is out of his league? | my friend has a big crush on a girl. while he's a nice guy and all, i think there isn't the slightest chance of them getting together. he's shy, inexperienced and awkward with girls. she's outgoing, popular, and let's face it, much more attractive than he is. it would be a disaster if he tried anything and i'd hate if that happened to him. to spare him from embarrassment and rejection, i basically told him she's out of his league (not literally, but it was implied). now he's very angry and yelling to me via text. | yta | yta. my friends did the same thing to me, hopefully he knows you’re just douchey. i’m engaged and due to be married to my crush who is “out of my league” and “not a chance for you”. you don’t know the other persons interest and attractions. they could be a perfect match. a friend would back them up, hype them to hell, and in the event they’re rejected, tell them it’s all good. at least try to be a friend. | yta. leagues are a lie. | 112 |
9x0szw | aita for breaking up with my girlfriend over "consent required"? | before any of you start freaking out at me, i want to say that i fully support both women and men asking for consent before getting touchy or sexual with another person, and i would never in my life think about treating another person that way. now that thats out of the way, the aita moment. i've been with my girlfriend for the last 8\~ months. in this time, we've slept together, been sexual together, and all that jazz. we've hit a comfortable routine where on friday nights one of us would go to the others place and spend the weekend there. our usual routine on the first night is watching some shitty movie or tv show until we realize we don't actually care what we're watching and would much rather make out. this goes on until one of us decides to start pawing at each others genitals like a cat pawing the bottom of the door while you're trying to use the bathroom. things lead into foreplay followed by the usual sex times. this has been our almost weekly routine for a good 3 months now. we've been comfortable with each other and very open about our sexual desires and what not. now, on this last friday, i went over to her apartment. we put on some stupid netflix documentary that i can't remember the name of, and about half way through we started tongue boxing. i got into it, and decided to start touching her, resulting in me getting under her pants. i do the business and make her feel good. after this, we just sit there for a minute in the after glow, before she pulls away from me and goes kind of silent. i try to talk to her because i can tell somethings suddenly upset her but have no idea what, she tries to tell me that nothings wrong. i tell her that i know when shes upset and if she's not willing to talk with me about it then i should probably just go, so she breaks down and says this. "i just feel like you kind of use me. you never ask for my consent before touching me and it makes me feel like an object instead of a person." now, of course i understand the sentiment. i'm not always the most romantic of person, i try to make her feel good and give 110% to her, but i can see where shes coming from. still, i was \[visibly confused\] at this statement, and she must have noticed because she huffed and pulled away again and said that i never listen to her. i point out how we've been dating for months, and that neither of us has asked for consent to touch the other since we first started dating and were just starting to be sexual towards one another. she gets mad at this and says how it isn't the same for a woman as it is a man. i tell her how blatantly a double standard that is. at this point shes getting angry and borderline yelling at me about this, and says that i'm no longer allowed to touch her in any way unless i ask first and she gives me permission. i say that it makes no sense for us to be dating and in a romantic relationship if she expects me to walk on eggshells just to try and be intimate with her, and say that shes making me feel like i'm some kind of molester or sexual offender because i want to touch the woman i've been dating for 8 months. "well maybe you are!" she says angrily. at this point, i'm angry, annoyed, and absolutely fed up. i just say that if thats the way things need to be with her then maybe we just should break up. she throws a fit over this and starts insulting me, at which time i just leave and go home. not five minutes after i walk in my door, shes texting me saying that shes sorry for insulting me and yelling at me, i think it over for a minute and decide that i'm done, text her back that we're through, and go to bed. ​ i woke up in the morning to almost 50 texts, most from her either being apologetic or angry, the rest being from friends of hers or her sister calling me an asshole because i "broke up with the perfect woman because i wasn't allowed to grope her whenever i want." so, am i the asshole here? i feel like i'm justified in my reaction and opinions regarding this, but at the same time feel like maybe theres some new wave promoting the virtue of consent that i've missed? am i the asshole for thinking that you shouldn't need to ask for consent to touch or feel your partner if you're in a romantic relationship? ​ and before you start yelling at me (even though i'm sure half of you have already started typing) i respect a persons right to say no. if i touch my girlfriend, or any girl i'm with sexually/romantically for that matter, and they say they aren't interested or aren't in the mood, i'll stop, no question. i just think requiring consent every time is insane and more damaging to the relationship than anything. | nta | definitely nta if what you're saying is 100% how it happened. if she said from then on out, ask consent, that's fine. but she basically was a complete hypocrite and called you a molester for the last 8 months and said it's fine for her to not ask your consent. though i don't think requiring consent every time is too crazy. its just pretty weird for a long term relationship. people should learn how to tell someone they aren't in the mood if that person initiates. | nta, but agree with some other posters about paying attention to how you show affection or initiate. i had an ex who constantly grabbed my breasts/genitals because he just felt he could and should be able to whenever he wanted. i hated it and ultimately it was a factor in our eventual breakup. did i think he was sexually assaulting me? no. but when i had discussions with him about how uncomfortable it made me, he thought that was what i was accusing him of. he couldn’t see that just because we were dating didn’t give him the right to treat me like his sex toy. | 16,560 |
9x175w | wibta for breaking up with my girlfriend because of her mental health issues? | to preface the situation, i love my girlfriend. very much. we have been together for over a year, and that year has been one of the best years of my life. that being said, recently, there have been more and more issues with our relationship. ​ our relationship started off on the wrong foot, as we started talking immediately after she got out of a bad relationship with her ex and had no time to process the breakup before we started dating. after that, the relationship was doing fine until we quasi-moved in together about eight months ago. i say it's only quasi-moving in because we both still have our own places, but we trade off where we stay every night or so. with this came all of the normal growing pains of moving in together. getting a new live-in roommate is never easy, but we have handled that fairly gracefully. ​ now to the heart of the issue. approximately 6 months ago, her mental health issues started to show up/i started to notice them. she hasn't been diagnosed, but clearly shows signs of anxiety and depression. on multiple occasions, i have sat with her and tried to console her as she had a depressive episode, and have calmed her down during a panic attack. i truly have no problem doing this, but the frequency has begun to take a toll on me. i have tried to get her to attend counseling, which she tried. she only made it to two or three sessions before she decided that it "wasn't for her" and that she "didn't need it." since then, her depression and anxiety has just gotten worse, and the episodes have gotten more frequent. now, it seems like she is always mildly depressed, and is always gloomy. it has gotten to the point where she does not want to do things that she has to, like go to the store to get food because we are both out or get up off of the couch to turn the lights off. when i bring these up, she asks me to do them, always giving an excuse for why she can't do it. i try to be as understanding as i can, and help out, but like i said, i'm getting tired. ​ to add to this mess, she has major trust issues that are taking a toll on our relationship. the aforementioned ex cheated on her multiple times and now she has a problem trusting anyone. not to help that issue, there has been one incident in our relationship that has stoked the fires or jealousy. i have an ex that was on-again off-again during high school that came to the same university as i did. we have not dated in almost four years, but have remained platonic friends. early in our relationship, i went out to eat with a group of friends and my ex was there as well. nothing happened, but my ex did give me a ride home. i admit, this was not the best decision in the scenario, and have admitted this to my girlfriend as well. my girlfriend was very hurt by this, and we have talked about it over and over. always with me apologizing and admitting my actions were wrong. since then, i have cut off all communication with my ex, but my girlfriend is still jealous, and constantly thinks i am talking to her, or some other girl. trust is a major need for me in a relationship, and i don't know if i can keep this relationship alive without her trusting me 100%. ​ to summarize, my girlfriend and i are having issues getting along, and seem to be constantly fighting over little stuff. the core of the argument always comes down to either her being jealous of someone else, or me not loving her enough. i am always in the wrong, and there is always something wrong with what i am doing or how i am doing it. i have made mistakes in the past, but have apologized and changed my actions, but that has not changed her stance on the issues. i am tired of constantly fighting, and even though we have talked about it, nothing seems to ever be resolved because we just bring it up later in another fight. but, she loves me very much, and i believe she honestly wants the best for us, and would be absolutely devastated if we broke up. ​ witbta if i broke up with her because of the above issues? | nta | nta, she rejects mental healthcare and these trust issues aren't going to work going forward. if she wanted the best for the two of you, she would be putting effort into her mental healthcare. sometimes, it's better to start anew than try to fix things with someone who refuses help. | nta. your mental health matters too. maybe you should mention that you are considering this path to her? its hard to not make that sound like an ultimatum but if you are indeed at your limit it could be worth a try. maybe a realization of how bad its gotten for you will help her push herself to improve. just be honest and firm with how you're feeling. worst case, you break up anyway. good luck mate | 13 |
9x1hvi | aita for not wanting to take my kid to after school meeting? | this is my first post. figured i'd save it for a legit question. my kid, middle school age, wants to go on a trip next summer sponsored by his school. the trip is very costly and i cannot afford it and i disagree with blindly paying for it without any responsibility from the kid. his mother (my ex wife) agreed to fund the trip for him. not my business to argue with her about that. but, she expects me to go to the meetings, and arrange the details for him/her. am i the asshole for not participating and/or not taking him all over town for stuff related to the trip? | yta | yta, put yourself in your kids shoes and imagine your dad will be the reason you can’t go for a trip — all because he doesn’t want to go to the meetings. that should put things into perspective hopefully. | yta, your son wants to go on this trip and his mother has paid for him to go. the least you can do is get the kid to some meetings so he can do something he wants to. you don’t want to be the only reason your son doesn’t get to go on a trip. | 81 |
9x1pnb | aita for sending wife of cheating husband a message? | so this story is a bit twisted- and in the end, i'm an uninvolved bystander who involved herself out of spite. i get it. asshole reasons. i already know i'm the asshole in this sense... no regrets still... but i am curious about what people would think of my actions. ​ recently my friends took in a roommate, charging him cheap rent for a nice place near work. the man took up the deal because he wanted to save money for his wedding. great. friends helping another friend out. for the first several months this roommate failed to make payments, the rent was piling up and he wasn't paying because of financial reasons. i'm not clear on how many months this went on because my friend was vague in telling me- all i know is that he didn't pay right away and it made them nervous he never would. during this time, roommate gets married to a woman several hundred miles away- both of them work and live separately. when he comes back from his wedding, a new face starts showing up at my friends' house. it's a girl he works with, one whom he claims at first is just a friend- though in later months consistently proves that she is far more than just a friend. how it was explained to me- was that he claimed him and his new wife were in an open relationship. we were all skeptical. so the girlfriend begins living at their house, using their appliances and what not, and staying there in their home when no one else is. the two of them never offer to pay up more for the rent. over the summer the cooling and water bills rose in excess- it was getting to be a hindrance to have so many people (especially when their rent was a flat rate that didn't include utilities). to top it off, my friends soon found out they were pregnant and expecting in january- eventually, they were able to push hard enough to get the man to pay up on his accrued rent due- which he did. ​ aside from the girl living at the house scot-free, the only issues i heard of was that the roommate constantly tried to change the thermostat down without asking, ate their food and left tons of dirty dishes in the sink. with the coming of the baby, however, the near eight months that my friends were dealing with these people had finally come to an end. they moved out with the roommate telling my friends how grateful he was and how much money he was able to save up. ​ well, we are all at work one night and a different guy that my friends used to the work with was chatting us away. somehow the topic of the old roommate comes up- he asks if he still lived at my friend's house. my friend replied "no", and asked why. apparently, the old roommate was shit talking them behind their backs, saying that he made my friends their bitch and negotiated a low rent at their house and ultimately used them. it was clear disrespect, it hurt them and pissed all of us off. i brought it up long in the past that someone should tell his wife on fb or something he was a possible cheater, but my friends were too afraid to because their life as new parents was soon to begin and they didn't want to ruin a marriage. so i made a fb and sent her a message myself just asking if they were in an open relationship as he claimed they were and if she was aware he had a girlfriend here. nothing else, just asking. i've been cheated on before by a person who claimed the same thing. if it were me, i'd want to know... but after i sent the message i'm worried if i made a stupid move. i know revenge does nothing for my friends but i'm petty and annoyed they've been essentially walked on by that guy. they've filled me in on these details since the beginning. i've met this guy and he's done little to prove he's honest or nice. if they are in an open relationship- then good, whatever, but if they weren't, i may have possibly ruined a new marriage between two people i hardly know. aita? ​ ​ | nta | nta you did the right thing regardless. | nta. if she's not consenting to him being involved with other people, he's cheating and she deserves to know. he's the one who ruined their marriage, not you. if they're in an open relationship, no big deal. | 6 |
9x1qhc | aita for getting an employee fired? | this happened a little over a year ago but i am curious to see reddit's opinion on this because half of my friends think i was the asshole, and the other half think i was doing my job... i am a former employee of sprint, while working for sprint i was a keyholder/floor manager. so i helped maintained the other reps in store, had special managerial codes and sat in all manager meetings. anyways we had hired a rep in the summer of 2017 (gonna call him big d). big d started and right away me and him had issues, he couldn't close his float the right way, he was a sleazy salesman who consistently messed up customer phone accounts which i had to always fix. so all around we never liked each other, but i put up with it. until last fall. big d was heading to lunch and was going around boasting about how he was going to get super drunk and messed up while on lunch so that his afternoon was easier. well at sprint there is a no drinking on the job policy, the only time you could drink was at store parties after hours when off the clock. as soon as i caught wind of big d saying he was going to get drunk on lunch, i immediately reported it to my assistant store manager, store manager, and district manager. he obviously came back into work drunk, was immediately pulled into the main office and suspended while an internal review went underway. he was fired two days later and was jobless with two kids. i sort of felt bad but really didn't either cause he did it to himself. last i heard he found a job at a grocery store... sooooo aita for getting this man fired? or did i save a lot of people from a headache? | nta | nta, he was incompetent at his job and came in drunk. if he didn't want to be fired for being drunk at work, he shouldn't have been drunk at work. | nta. if he wants to provide for his kids, he shouldn't be day drinking. | 2 |
9x22w7 | aita for going to my landlord about an elderly neighbor? | i love my apartment and have not had any issues with neighbors or the landlord since moving in. an elderly gentleman lives below me in a 2 story complex. we both have neighbors to one side, than a stairwell and more neighbors on the other side. monday evening i came home from work around 6:20. i checked my mail outside and smelt something funny, but didn't think too much of it since our mailboxes are outside. i went upstairs, opened up my door, and a terrible smell hit me in the face. i thought it was burnt bbq. it was definitely burnt something. so i check out my place, feel on the electrical outlets to make sure they aren't hot, visually inspect my heater, oven, and water heater. everything is fine. the smell is strong enough i turn off my heat and open all the windows. i go to my neighbors and ask them if maybe they're bbqing or something. he says no, then asks if my place stinks too. i say yeah. we go into his apartment and it does stink, but not terribly. we go to mine and he says it's a lot stronger smelling in mine. we chat for a bit. he tells me the older man has a history of accidentally catching things on fire! i've seen the fire trucks out once before but i didn't know where they were going. my neighbor laughs it off, saying the old man is just forgetful, falls asleep, etc. this guy is right under me! i have a cat and i'm almost never at home during the day. my whole place could go up and i wouldn't even know it until hours later. so on tuesday, i talked to my landlord who seemed surprised. i guess no one has ever told them about the frequent but small fires this man creates while trying to cook. they sent maintenance to "check on some things" and took it very seriously. but i can't help but feel like an asshole. he's an old man and i don't want to be the person that gets him sent to a nursing home. no one ever visits him and his next door neighbor basically helps take care of him. i don't want to mess up this man's life, but i don't want my complex to catch on fire either, especially since my place would be the second to go up in flames. aita or am i feeling guilty for no reason? | nta | nta! this is a safety matter that could involve everyone in the building, including your elderly neighbor. he could have difficulty taking care of himself, and maybe he needs a caretaker to assist him. moving into a nursing home might be the best course of action, for his own safety and everyone else’s. this could set that ball rolling, if necessary. | nta. having a real possibility of your place and all your possessions and your pet during in a fire are very real and validated fears. honestly you may be doing this guy a favour by bringing attention to this, because he could lose his life and his possessions and home as well, which is another reason you're nta. | 4 |
9x2tdc | aita: turning down sex for being too in love | my ex has been extremely persistent over being best friends after our breakup. i tried, but after months i couldn't take it anymore. my feelings were still the same, and as she moved on to a new relationship, my heart was crushed. now that she's single again, she tried to refuel our friendship. i was nice at first, but i began catching feelings and falling for her. so i asked for space and told her i was always here for her, but i was still to into her to be friends like that. (i've never been friends with an ex before) flash forward to last night: my ex came over to my house. told me she's tired of me lying to myself. she said i didn't have feelings for her, and i only lust for her. so to prove it. she started stripping and told me to have sex with her. cause after sex i'd know if i actually loved her or i just lust for her cause i'm single and horny and she's hot. i asked her that if she needed to do this to see if she had feelings for me and she said no, she only loves me as a friend and doesn't want to be with me at all. i told her what happens if we do this and i have feelings for her and she said "i'd respect that and give you your space" so i told her let's keep doing that. cause sex isn't just sex with her. we've been through too much, and i'd definitely want more and want her to be with me. so basically i turned down sex last night, cause she thought we'd bone and i'd be like "wow i was just horny, let's be best friends" tldr: turned down sex with my ex, because i don't believe i could do that, or be close to her without having feelings for her. am i the asshole for turning down a hot 22 y.o female for sexy time because of my big heart? | nta | nta you dont have to put out if you dont want to. i feel you on not wanting to get close. | nta you ex sounds very manipulative and disrespectful of your feelings in general and kinda more than a little nuts. | 4 |
9x33ll | aita for not wanting to take my girlfriend out for dinner on her birthday? | so my girlfriends birthday is today. we are both at work, but texting back and forth. she hints to me over text that she wants me to come pick her up and take her out to dinner tonight. i then tried to figure timing since we currently are an hour apart (she stays at my place on weekends and her place during the week since it’s closer to her work) and tell her i’ll figure something out. she’s says it’s okay, we don’t have to go out because she knows it’s stressful for me and just appreciated the thought. i responded with okay because i really didn’t want to do it and i would just take her out on the weekend like i had originally planned. for some context, i work 60 hours a week, 6 days a week. my only day off is sunday. she wouldn’t get off work until 6:30pm and i would likely meet her at 7:30. she doesn’t have a car so i’d be the one driving to her place, to dinner, back to her place, and then back to mine. i wouldn’t expect to be home until 11pm at the earliest. i have to be up at 5:30am tomorrow. we’ve been dating for 5 years and i haven’t missed celebrating any birthday/anniversary at this point. not celebrating on the exact day is also pretty common for us since we are both rather busy. i don’t plan on saying anything to her directly about it, but i was curious for my own thoughts if i am the asshole in this situation for not wanting to do it. if she really wanted me to take her out i would, but it really is a big inconvenience for me so i was relieved when she said we don’t have to. am i the asshole for not wanting to take her out or being relieved because she we don’t have to? | nta | nta but maybe make sure to send a card/small gift/flower/steam game/something small she likes on her actual birthday in the future. if you're already doing that i got nothing. | nta as you already had something planned for another day. but in the future leave her something small that makes her feel special when you can't do it on the actual day. this goes for valentine's day too. hide a little gift, a little note in her car or write her a special email. it doesn't have to be anything big at all, just something that shows that you would rather be able to spend the day with her. | 17 |
9x35py | aita for not wanting to lose money | my ex and i are still good friends after having broken up over a year ago, we are both weed smokers although i do smoke a bit more than her. i usually buy a larger quantity to get a better overall price and split it up to last accordingly. she asked me to sell her some, which i'll only do because she is a good friend. i told her that i'll give it to her at the same price i paid for it. she said she wanted a friend's rate to which i said that's the friend's rate is, no profit no loss. she argued that i should give her a better price and be willing to lose a little because we are good friends. i refused and said that's not how it works, it's not about the money(debating about 5$/10$) but the principal of the matter. am i the asshole? | nta | no, you're nta. i sold in college and my roommate eventually hit me with the same crap. i'm thinking, we live in the midwest and it's 2010. you're already paying half the price for twice the quality you'd ever find around here, and you want me to cut it even more? and you never pay to smoke around me? it's called entitlement. don't fall for it. | lol, no, nta. friends dont require friends to take a loss on their behalf. | 4 |
9x36if | aita for wanting my girlfriend to be prepared before we get engaged? | my girlfriend: - has never had a full time job, or even a resume to my knowledge - consistently skipped class in college - doesn't socialize (i don't mean this as an insult. she's not introverted, but rarely goes to anyone other than me to talk / hang out) - still lives with her parents - want's to start her own art company rather than pursuing a job after college - has severe depression and anxiety issues in our talks, she has expressed no plans to change any of these circumstances. i: - have a full time job, and applied for jobs constantly throughout college - have an active social life with twenty or so friends i talk to or spend time with regularly - own a car and rent my own apartment, paying for everything i have without any assistance of my parents i don't mean to say "i'm doing great and she's not", i'm just offering my perspective on our "preparedness" for life. it's no judgement on her character, i assure you. everyone is in a different place. when talking about the future for the several years we've been dating, i've expressed that it's important that she have some plan for her future, or at least prepare for it. i don't expect her to be just like me, i'd just like to know that she's putting in her fair share of the burden if we were to get married. however, whenever we talk about this, she gets very upset with me. recently i brought up her career goals and she had a panic attack claiming that she had to choose between marrying me or following her dream of being an artist. i didn't press the matter, as this happens when we talk about most things, be it sex or anything else i'm having thoughts about. i'm the primary source of income in our relationship, paying for everything from food to clothes to heating to driving her everywhere, but am just not comfortable being the emotional and financial backbone of our relationship for the rest of our lives. it's so draining. am i the asshole for asking her to be more independent? i would even accept some sort of assurance that she's thinking about those things. when i think about proposing, my chest starts to hurt because i'm so nervous that i'll be miserable, being her caretaker for the rest of my life. i'm in the constant state of wondering if i'm an asshole or she's just lazy, but i'm so critical of myself that i always blame me. | nta | nta!!! this is very reasonable, being an adult means having a plan for your life, and until she does i would not get engaged. | if she can't have a conversation about anything of substance without having a panic attack, i think you're in the right to have concerns. nta | 2 |
9x3fg0 | aita for saying i'm not invested in stan lee's death? | different semi-throwaway account for the sake of not unleashing a comment war with other people in the discord server, though it's not unlikely they will find it. i'm genuinely asking if i'm the asshole here because apparently that's what seemed to be the consensus on the server. it's blown over now, i'm just asking. so for some context, in a reddit-related discord server of mine (that is very loosely related to stan lee/comics) i commented: >[...] referring stan lee's death [...] **i'm not sure why it's such a big deal but apparently it is.** this ticked off some people in the server who called me rude, insensitive, dismissive and disrespectful, to which i elaborated that as a non-american who isn't really into comics i had no personal investment so i wasn't aware so many people did, to which people started calling me ignorant and responded increasingly aggressively. this discussion went on like this for a few minutes, until i got temporarily banned from the channel i was talking in while no one else did. question is, was i the asshole here? was *everyone* the asshole here? and why is stan lee's passing such a touchy subject? | yta | yta. it doesn't matter that you didn't know who he was. if people are sad over a person's death you need to respect that. i don't tend to get caught up in celebrity deaths either, but there are real emotions attached to creators and what they make. and i'm not going to mess with that. | yta. insert literally any other person’s name in this and you would still be the asshole. with very few exceptions, anyone’s death is going to be a big deal to at least one person. it is disrespectful to be dismissive of that. as to stan lee, not understanding why his passing is a big deal is you being deliberately obtuse. yeah, you aren’t into comics but millions of people worldwide clearly are. you didn’t say that you weren’t invested in his death. you implied that it shouldn’t be a big deal to anyone, which is what an asshole would say. | 6 |
9x3g6g | aita for beating up a drunk guy? | i made a throwaway because to many people know my account and i don't want to start anymore drama. and this is more of a "am i also the asshole?" but i am not sure that is an option here. so over the weekend me and my girlfriend went to a friends party. it turned out to be much bigger than i was expecting and filled with people that i didn't know. fairly shortly after we get there i go into the kitchen to grab myself and my girlfriend another drink. on my way back i see this guy walk about behind my girlfriend grab the middle of her ass, with his 2 middle fingers going between her legs (she is wearing tight jeans). i quickly put the drinks down and i blindside him. and then hit him 1 or 2 more times before people pull me off of him. i don't think anyone will argue that this dude isn't an asshole and a creep. but both my buddy and my girlfriend are acting like i am some monster that overreacted to some guy that was "drunk and stupid and didn't know what he was doing." i have absolutely no remorse for attacking him, and i would 100% do it again. does that make me also the asshole? | nta | nta and the drunk he knew exactly what he was doing. he figured he wouldn’t get caught. i don’t even know what to say about your gf. | nta. i think it's perfectly reasonable for you to use force to get a drunk guy off your girlfriend. and i understand you adding another punch or two because you are her boyfriend. being drunk doesn't in any way excuse this kind of behaviour. this is sexual assault plain and simple. personally, i would of pulled him off her and then called the police but what happened here is more or less fine and understandable. | 167 |
9x43n3 | aita for taking first sip of beer. | background: 13 year relationship with my fiance, some points off and on, but mostly on. live together in a house we bought, have a dog, etc. i don't like beer, but always like to taste everything for science. lead up: go out to dinner at a pub. reviews said service can be slow. i order water, she orders random draft beer. i get my water right away, it takes her 15+ minutes to get the beer. we are sitting next to the bar and see those drafts going out left and right, seems like just busy. joke around, speculate why it's taking so long, having a nice time. during this wait, we are sharing my water and since she drank it last, glass was on her side of the table. waitress puts beer in front of me as from her perspective it made sense since i didn't have a drink in front of me. incident: she walks off, we look at each other. a few seconds go by, fiance doesn't reach for her beer, i decide to do it for her and decided that while i have the beer in my hand(all about efficiency), might as well take a small(really small) sip to taste since i would do it at some point anyways. put the glass on her side of the table and see her giving me a "look". demeanor immediately changes and i start getting the cold shoulder. a bit confused, try to pry out what's wrong, but just silence. after a few minutes she asks me do i really not realize how rude i just was. i am still not 100% sure what i was rude about, but obviously something to do with me tasting her beer. conclusion: giving me cold shoulder for rest of the night, maybe 10 words exchanged max. next day similar, again brings up that i was rude. i disagree. me best guess is it's not that i had a sip as we share food all the time (see water above), but maybe it's because i had the first sip especially since it took so long to get to the table. i don't believe this exact argument has come up before in the 13 years, but she has expressed annoance if i try to eat off her plate at the same time as she has a fork in her own plate (so fine sharing as long as i am not disrupting her creating a "perfect bite") aita for taking the first sip or overreaction on her part? | nta | nta. major overreaction. you shared with her. | nta, an over reaction, but my ex did this to me (all the time) for me it was that she always seemed to take the first taste before i could, and the first taste of her own dish too. i never gave my ex the cold shoulder though, just talked about it once | 7 |
9x46ii | aita for not liking when english is lisped/slurred/muddled? | my best friend likes kpop a lot. with the recent league of legends opening ceremony, they released a song sung by a kpop band, but also sung by a made up band of lol champions. (kda) i told my friend that i was finding myself really liking that song, but the parts in english where they have a very strong accent throw me off and make me kind of annoyed. she shared some of her favorite songs and i found a few that i liked and a few that i didn't. i complimented the videos and the music on their aesthetics (which wow, it was like going back to the 90s with nsync and the backstreet boys aesthetic!) and sometimes their music. (she likes softer, upbeat tunes while i like rockier ones) i thought i was being pretty respectful and then another song had some particularly bad lisping/mangling of the english words in the song and i straight up said, "oh i didn't like that. that was annoying. i wish they would actually learn to say it properly." she became uncomfortable and told me that they were speaking the english words like a korean would (with associated pronunciation/accent) and that i was being racist. i told her that it wouldn't matter if it was an english native with a lisp or speech impediment or if it was a non-native speaker, it would be annoying to hear mangled english. their race doesn't matter. i don't know if that was one of her more favored songs and she felt a bit attacked or if she genuinely misunderstood me. (maybe i could have said it better?) or hell, maybe by today's standards i'm a closet racist, which would be news to me. we dropped the subject and moved on, but it's bothering me that she would think i'm racist. i don't want to bring this conversation up with her again, but next time she wants to share her hobby interest, i'd like to not come off as an asshole to her. so, am i the asshole, and if i am, how the hell can i not be? | yta | yta it's extremely difficult to not speak with an accent when speaking a second language. also, someone who has a lisp as a native english speaker has an impediment. it's pretty ignorant in both cases to say they just need to "learn how to say it properly". it's one thing to just be annoyed by something, but you seem pretty ignorant when it comes to people with differences, and for that reason i'm saying yta. | yta. a lot of languages take words from other languages and incorporate them or a version into their own. this is really common in kpop. half the time it's likely that it's not the english work you're hearing, it's the korean integration of the word. | 3 |
9x4hdp | aita for telling my supervisor about a coworker taking tips | i’ve recently started working at a gas station, the gas station offers a service where an employee will come outside and fill your tank and clean your windshield. it is policy at my company that we don’t accept tips as the service we offer is free of charge. even when they persist on giving tips we are suppose to hand them into our manager who will spend it on buying pizza for everyone or on a party type thing. i saw my coworker take money and pocket it so i told my manager and it may have gotten him fired. although i’m sure he didn’t harm anyone by taking the tip it’s unfair that everyone puts their tips in while he takes his. | yta | yta. there are a few avenues you could have gone down, but you decided to take the nuclear route and get him fired. | yta. you shouldn't stick your nose into things that aren't directly affecting you. | 0 |
9x4oox | aita - used womens bathroom to change baby (i am a father) | today i was shopping in a large department store with my infant daughter and she needed her diaper changed. i first walked into the men’s room and as usual, no changing station. i asked a store worker if there were any other bathrooms that might have one and they said no and perhaps to try a store down the road. i really couldn’t wait, so i walked into the women’s restroom and changed her diaper there. sure enough a lady comes in, sees me, freaks out, and calls the manager. they allowed me to finish but then had security escort me out. they didn’t tell me not to come back but they did say that for “store policy reasons” that i needed to be removed from the premises. i am not sure if i should consider legal action as there probably isn’t a legal leg to stand on. i guess i’m just wondering - am i the asshole? | nta | nta and you probably do have a legal case. if there was no changing tables in the men's room and no family bathroom, what the heck were you supposed to do? the woman who 'freaked out' over a parent changing his child, and the store that failed to realize that fathers sometimes need to change a child *are* assholes. | no, nta! as a woman, i would understand because not enough men’s rooms have changing tables! and, i feel you definitely have a case. | 671 |
9x4si5 | wibta if i didn't want to invite fiancee's friend to our wedding? | a little history here. she is a friend of ours (more his than mine) from college. let's call her sam. now my fiancee's best man, jake and her had been talking a bit a few years back but nothing came of it. then jake met megan. megan and sam were friends for a long time, but only really talked when they weren't dating anyone. when jake and megan started dating and eventually married, sam was furious. she still hates them both to this day. she claims megan stole jake from her. sam can be pushy, judgmental, and condescending to people and i'm not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just clueless. i wonder why she's even his friend sometimes since from what he's said, she is exhausting to be around. anyway, would i be an asshole to suggest that maybe she shouldn't attend? i'm too old for this high school crap that she doesn't seem to have grown out of. tl;dr: i want to not invite a friend to our wedding because she hates the best man and his wife. | nta | nta. like you said, you're too old for this high school crap. as an adult you're allowed to cut toxic people out of your life, period. also, don't make your wedding about someone else. if you don't want her there, it's your wedding. | nta. it's reasonable to suggest not inviting her. though that can change if you force him to not invite her. | 2 |
9x53ys | aita for how i treated a cast member/my old best friend? | **tw // self-harm, suicide attempts** ​ this is going to be very long, i apologize. i'm going to try and condense as much as i can but this spans the past year and there's a lot of necessary context. details and names changed and a throwaway because my main reddit could easily be found by irl people and i don't want to stir up more drama, i just need to understand if what i did was right or wrong for my own peace of mind and an upcoming mediation session. ​ i and one other person, vicky, are the directors of a small high school theater group (we also act and write). caitlin is a year below us and has been a part of the group since her first year (she is a year younger than me and vicky). last year we became extremely close and she confided in me many of her struggles in life, and i would often help her through anxiety attacks or intense depressive episodes. this was stressful, but rewarding for me, so i didn't mind doing it. ​ however, her moods underwent a sudden shift in the spring (i suspect because of a hospitalization and medication change after a suicide attempt) and she became very unstable. she was extremely paranoid, often accusing me of deliberately sabotaging her (she had made a bid to become co-director after our old one graduated, but vicky won the election), and had sudden and extreme episodes of anger, which she would often take out on me. she even had episodes of psychosis and delusional beliefs, although these were very brief. these reached a point where they happened three or four nights a week. she once sent me a picture of herself covered in self-harm scars. i didn't feel i could leave, even though she offered to let me go many times, because of worry that no one would be there if she did hurt herself. ​ this reached a point where i was hospitalized after one of her episodes happened and i attempted suicide. after this, she became a little distant but we were still friends. her episodes had largely stopped (again, medication change and dosage increase). eventually she told me that she thought i was faking the whole thing and have munchausen's syndrome, and that i attempted it for attention. she eventually apologized, but this was a breaking point for me and we went "on break" in our friendship for half of the summer. we reconciled when the school year began, partly out of necessity for theater rehearsals (the professional relationship and some of our friendship). ​ however, at rehearsals she often made uncomfortable jokes or statements referencing race, abuse, and diabetes (vicky has diabetes). this wasn't really a new thing, she always had weird boundaries and ideas concerning these issues that we assumed came from her sheltered upbringing and generally odd, but harmless, personality (she is mixed white and asian). they didn't make anyone uncomfortable until this year when she ramped up some of them, and i and a couple of other people noticed some of her ideas were not jokes. ​ this all came to a head one day when at lunch i noticed one of her essays had some odd references to race that were extremely unnecessary and patronizing ("the poor, black, side of \[home city\]" "with our help, ten african-american children graduated"). i told her to take them out, for her sake if nothing else and eventually she did. later that day we had the final rehearsal before a performance that was the next day. we discussed fundraising ideas, and caitlin frankly irritated me when she made a suggestion that made no sense, i said no, and she kept arguing when me and vicky told her to leave it alone because we had already made a final call. later, caitlin made a racial comment that another member of our group, rachel, who is also a friend of caitlin's outside of it, found objectionable and they got into an argument. rachel remained fairly calm and tried explaining why it made her feel uncomfortable, but caitlin became increasingly angry and agitated. vicky and i were talking right next to them, not more than a foot apart. because of the situation at lunch and caitlin's history of objectionable comments, i jumped into their conversation to make a comment that frankly i didn't think she knew what racism was, which made her explode (for the record, i think this was a bad move and bad phrasing on my part. vicky said something too but was more composed.). she said that we were all attacking her and calling her racist, she would not act tomorrow, and she was quitting our club. ​ i don't think she is truly racist, and no one else does either (at most, she is ignorant and relies on stereotypes). i don't even care that much about it. but her threatening to not perform with us the day before over an argument was a major, major inconvenience not only to vicky and i but the rest of the cast. she continued to barrage us with texts, saying that we discriminated against her because she is a transgender woman (i am currently dating a transgender man), saying that she has bipolar and we were bullying her, we had been hostile towards her from the beginning of the year, and we villainized her- it goes on and on but that's the gist of it. ​ vicky and i talked and decided that if she did not perform tomorrow she was out of the club. vicky had been trying to talk to caitlin to convince her to perform, but she said she was not mentally well enough to and then stopped replying (we found out later she had gone to sleep). vicky sent her a message telling her our decision. ​ the next morning, caitlin told us that she would force herself to perform. vicky and i informed our club sponsor mrs. collins about what had happened the night before, including about our decision that if she didn't perform then she was out, and she seemed to be on our side and said she would talk to caitlin. the show ended up going smoothly. vicky and i discussed possible consequences for caitlin but ultimately mrs. collins told us to let it go for caitlin's sake. caitlin later apologized, but still said we had treated her differently and wrongly. ​ the week after, vicky and i were supposed to hold auditions to join our club and for roles in our next show. however, vicky could not be there that week and i had asked caitlin to help me before our falling out. after that, assuming that caitlin was not coming, i asked another club member to help (elisa). the day before tryouts, i asked caitlin if she was planning to come, and she said no unless i needed help, and i said i had it covered. she came anyways, and was outraged to find that elisa and rachel were there (rachel had already been at our space and promised not to be a bother and begged me to let her stay so i reluctantly let her- i would have done the same if it had been caitlin). caitlin started yelling and arguing with me, in front of the people practicing for auditions, and asking why i had "replaced her" with elisa, why i was still mad/not being her friend, saying that it wasn't a big deal. we moved to a separate location from tryouts and i got heated as well, as i told her i was not ready to talk about it since i was still angry and would say something i might regret, because it as a bad time, and because i simply was not ready. she repeatedly ignored the boundary i set and would not leave, regardless of how many times i told her she was disruptive and needed to. it got very heated. eventually she left along with rachel who i also told to leave. ​ vicky, caitlin and i had a meeting to talk later that week. there are only a couple relevant things i want to bring up here because this is already too long: we came out with a semi-peace/understanding, we all apologized and agreed to be polite and to keep personal issues out of rehearsals. she also brought up my suicide attempt in an argument about how we should have been more forgiving of her outburst and should not have threatened to kick her out, which i found incredibly wrong and out of place. ​ rehearsals for the next few weeks are awkward at first but get better with time. i don't think i and definitely vicky treated her especially differently from everyone else, although since she does learn slower than many of the cast she naturally needs some help (which she asked for and i gave). however, since our relationship before this summer was so close i do think there was a noticeable difference between last year and this one. i did do my best to treat her the same as everyone else though and to make amends- after a couple weeks i was ready to let it go and i specifically wrote a scene for our two characters as a peace offering, which she seemed to understand. i do remember one time where she was talking and i had repeated instructions three times, and she then asked me exactly what i had answered three times, so i repeated myself and then grumpily added "... which you would know if you were listening," to which she threw up her arms and rolled her eyes. i feel bad for being snippy, but to be fair i have said this to other people as well, although perhaps with the context of the previous issues it wasn't a good idea. ​ she still didn't seem happy at rehearsals and didn't socialize much with the other cast members (who don't know anything about this aside from part of her outburst that she sent to the entire cast and if they heard anything at tryouts). however, a week ago she pulled me and vicky aside at the end of rehearsals and said she was going to quit. we asked why, and she said she didn't want to tell us, so vicky and i said okay and let her go. it's not as big of a deal since we have a lot of time before our next show, although it was a bit inconvenient. we reworked all scenes around her and rehearsed them last week. ​ so, am i the asshole? ​ addendum: i was already going to write this post, but today mrs. collins confirmed to vicky and i that caitlin had felt shut out and has arranged further mediation talks with the school counselor, her, and caitlin, who might rejoin, depending on how the talks go. mrs. collins has threatened us with disbandment if we do not resolve the issues. mrs. collins has not been to any rehearsals and has neither seen nor heard any of this firsthand, only a couple times from me and vicky. i assume she has heard more from caitlin, although i'm not sure of the extent of this. ​ **tl;dr: close friend would often say abusive things due to mental health issues. things were weird even after we made up. there was another blowup, and i inadvertently made her feel unwelcome at a place she feels is home, causing her to quit. now she wants back in.** ​ if you read this far, i'm really grateful and appreciate any feedback, even and maybe especially if i'm the asshole. there's a dozen other factors and things to elaborate on and i will try to reply to questions as much as i can. ​ edit 1. i feel like i didn't emphasize this point- this club was really caitlin's home and when she was really struggling it was something she could look forward to, so her quit actual quitting (she threatened to do it a few times before but never actually did) is a really big deal. also, i meant to include this but i wanted to mention she would almost always apologize after one of her episodes, probably 8/10 times. it was really her losing control. i don't want to villanize her or mental illness too much. | nta | nta. i think she had too many chances, and is quite a toxic person. i found her bringing up your suicide attempt as a way to gain leverage really disrespectful. i notice that in your edit you keep defending her. there's only so much you can allow before people must take responsibility for their actions. | nta the relationship isnt healthy for either of you. it seems that you are both unable to be in the same troupe without personal issues coming up. it is better if one of you leaves. i think that it was an awkward situation for both of you. she is feeling alienated and i get that. it is partly what has happened and how she feels about it. it's unfortunate you could be disbanded because of it. | 0 |
9x55zb | aita for not letting my friend use my controller for mario kart? | i usually bring my nintendo switch to my school's lunch room to play mario kart with some of my friends but there is one guy who i give my controller to play and when i get it back it is covered in a mix of slushy and grease. i told him he may use my controller but i do not want anything on it he said i won't get anything on it and he gave it back to me and what do you know it had stuff on it. i am not letting him use it ever again or until he learns some manners about other people's stuff. am i an asshole? | nta | nta. i was always taught to return a borrowed item in better condition than i received it. he is disrespecting you and your belongings, therefore he does not get the privilege of borrowing anything from you | nta. you asked, he still didn't listen. end of story for him. | 4 |
9x5671 | wibta for asking my girlfriend her long-term plan, if her current plan fails? | some back story, sorry if this is too long... my girlfriend and i have been together for five years, the first four of those long-distance (she was in boston, i was in new york). we're both in our early thirties. about a year ago, she left her job and moved in with me, planning to find a new job asap. she left her job and moved because we were both unhappy with the long-distance thing and neither of us wanted to live in boston. problem is, she hasn't been able to find a job in the area. on top of that, nyc just keeps getting more expensive, and we don't really like living here, so we'd like to move somewhere cheaper/friendlier. she's started searching for jobs in boulder, we visited and we like it there, but it's been several months of looking there and she's still not getting any offers. here's where i start to feel like an asshole: i'm starting to feel impatient. it's been a year now that she's been unemployed and i'm supporting her. i have a high enough salary to do so comfortably, but it's putting a dent in how much i can save. on top of that, i'm miserable here. my job kind of sucks, but i don't want to find something else here, because we want to move. on the other hand, i don't want to find something on my own in boulder, move there, and still be supporting my girlfriend - what if there isn't a job for her there, either? i want to make sure wherever we live, she has gainful employment. i'd like to talk about starting a family but i don't want to do it as the sole breadwinner. we've talked about this a few times, but i'm trying really hard not to be pushy. she gets very discouraged about the lack of job offers and i know she feels lousy about it, so i don't want to pile on. at the same time - she kind of seems like she's okay with just being unemployed and living off my salary indefinitely, and i'm concerned about that. she knows i'm miserable and talks a lot about finding something in boulder to "get me out of here" but there are also a lot of days when she doesn't even do any job-hunting. i know she's trying, and i don't want to set a hard deadline of get-a-job-or-else, but i do want to know that there's a long-term plan, a backup plan for her/our future, if she just can't find the kind of job she wants in her field. sometimes i feel like she doesn't have the same sense of urgency that i do to take the next step in our lives. wibta if i expressed these to her? or if i asked her to tell me her long-term plan for becoming more self-sufficient and independent? alternately, aita for even contemplating that she might not be able to get the kind of job she wants? tl;dr girlfriend is unemployed and i'm supporting her, i want to bring it up and ask about the plan to change this situation, but don't know how to do it without being an asshole. ​ | nta | nta. just ask when is a good time to discuss her career plans. at this point (a year) it is imo unreasonable for her to continue holding out for a dream job. she needs to take something/anything in order to contribute. it sounds to me as if she is being too picky. what city you live in while she does that is of secondary importance. there is no harm in telling her that you'd like to move but only if you know she will be contributing financially to the relationship- that you can't handle the pressure of being the sole breadwinner while getting a home established in a new area. that you want to be part of an equal relationship and equal means that she needs to be bringing in some income. it doesn't have to be equal to yours and it doesn't have to be huge but it needs to be *something.* i don't think this is pressure at all- after a year you have shown plenty of patience here. i don't know her personality so it's hard to tell you how to handle things. but imo she needs to be job searching full time and she also needs to take the first decent thing that comes along. it seems to have gotten way too easy for her to not even try. | nta if done right. it's actually easier to have a talk about this stuff than you think if you're open and honest. have a beer or two and be in a good mood and then tell her there's something serious that's been on your mind. make sure communication is honest and open. don't get frustrated or angry. try not to use the word "you" too often or else it will feel like you're attacking. you got this. | 2 |
9x56wc | aita for calling out my brother, his girl friend, and my mother hypocrites for their parenting choices? | first time posting on reddit and on mobile, so sorry in advance for any issues. long post basicly the situation goes like this : i am staying over with my brother and his family, our mother is also living with them. today i was asked to give my nephew some medicine because he is sick. i went to their medicine cabinet and find what looks like a bottle of medicine. being a responsible adult, and wanting to find the correct dosage, i looked at the label and saw that the medicine was homeopathic. being that im really against sudoscience because its so dangerouse and predatory, i get upset and start to look for another medicine thinking they might have bought it by miatake. nope, all their children's medicine is homeopathic, but ironicly not their adult medicine. because they had so much non homeopathic meds for themselves i decided to be more casual about my aproach when confronting them. i immediately went out to the living room where they were at and asked them if they knew what homeopathy was. my brother and his gf (mostly his gf) essentialy told me that they wanted to raise their child on alternative medicine and that in addition they didnt vaccinate my nephew either... all of the sudden a few things clicked in my head that made me enraged 1. they dont use homeopathy exclusively for themselves 2. my nephew nearly died from the flu last year, he had to go in an ambulance one night after a severe seizure due to the severity of the flu, i now believe this was because he wasn not vaccinated i imediatly raised my voice and told them that stuff was not backed by science and that it was completely dangerouse to not have him vaccinated, after arguing i called them hypocrites for not using that type of medicine for themselves and having had vaccines as children. we got into a shouting match, i was visibly upset and raised my voice, and started using profanity. they got upset and called me closed minded, said they weren't hypocrites because it is already to late for them to start to be clean or some bullshit. this is when our mother got in and called me a jerk, told me college had radicalized me and closed my eyes and how dare i come into my brothers home and critisize him. at this point i relised somehow my mother had also been turned to this shit, she told me she also stopped using her medications for her illnesses and moved to natural medicine, and told me how great it has been for her. i was so shocked and angry, and my entire family there told me i was a jerk, not open minded and that i didnt have my nephews best intrest just a need to feel superior because i go to college. they basicly all turned on me. i left by just saying they were all insane and that it would be their fault if anything ever happened to my nephew, god forbid, and finished by saying that they were the ones responsible for his condition last year( i may have said this with a few more curse words) and then stormed out. im now gone from there and feeling terrible about this, especially since i did this so close to the holidays and maybe blew this out of proportion, so aita ? | yta | unless you live in some hippy commune where you think there is a large percentage of children running around without vaccinations. say nothing. with herd immunity it's probably better to not be vaccinated. yta and flu vaccinations are cash grabs and the elderly. | yeah yta. rule to live by: never offer unsolicited parenting advice unless child is in immediate danger. | 21 |
9x5pc7 | aita for refusing in-laws generosity? | so, i've been in a relationship with my man for 18 years (10 dating, 8 married). ever since we became serious, my in-laws have constantly showered me with gifts. and gifts. and gifts. he is an only child and would tell me its just because his mom always wanted a daughter but the sheer amount of gift giving was just insane. i would regularly leave her house after visits with bags of brand new clothes/doo dads/food/etc i would never use. the holidays were the worst: they can't give one bottle of perfume - they give 3. not one sweater - but four. bags and bags of just "stuff" i would never use. his family are filipino immigrants and i always chalked it up to cultural differences but then i started noticing that my mil has a severe shopping amd hoarding problem. i feel like the immense amount of gifts is really just a symptom of a larger problem. i've now given them a grandchild and its bags and bags of toys for him. every visit. i specifically requested a limit of 3 or 4 toys last christmas explaining that we live in a small apartment, and that other people wanted to get him gifts too and we just couldn't handle too many things. my house is very minimalist and i like it that way. they literally showed up with 6 shopping bags full of toys and laughed us off when i reminded them of our limit. it felt so disrespectful. mil is very involved with the local filipino retiree social association. they throw parties literally every weekend and will use any excuse for it. and these aren't like "dinner parties" or anything like that. these are full on "dj playing macarena while we eat bad chicken at the "fancy" ballroom at the local la quinta off route 34" with full on themes (pink only today! 80s night! crazy hair night! etc etc) and gift bags and so on and so forth. every. weekend. oh, and no alcohol. i mean, i love that they are so social and having fun but decidedly not my scene. i'm now pregnant with #2 and mil is chewing at my heels to throw me a baby shower. she has already basically admitted to my husband that this shower is for "her friends" meaning the filipina biddies of her senior group. first of all, i don't really need anything. secondly she lives far from my friends and family. thirdly i'm not into a "sprinkle" when my friends already helped me out with kid #1 at my first baby shower. fourthly what she would throw is not my scene and finally she has basically already admitted it would be for her friends. its not even really for me i feel like, just another excuse to throw a party. if she wanted to do a little dinner party and have family or something i would be down for that but i absolutely know what she has in mind; an insane and massively unnecessary baby shower. that i'm sure she would also buy me a dress for. the family is so supportive and we appreciate all they have done for us but at a certain point i find their generosity very self-serving. am justified in this reaction or am i the ungrateful asshole? | nta | nta, your boundaries are your boundaries. but if you want to swap mil am down she sounds great. :d | nta, but couldn't you just accept your in-laws generosity to keep the peace, and quietly donate things you don't need or want to some form of charity? or would that be worse than refusing outright? | 3 |
9x5xkv | aita for not picking my brother up from school | my youngest brother is 12, doesn’t have a phone due to losing everything and just not being responsible in general. everyday at 2:30pm i pick him up from school and every other day i take him to and pick him up from karate 5-6pm. my parents insist i do this because they are either at work or just got home from work when he needs rides. my other brother works from 3-6 after school and can’t give him rides either. the thing is his school is 0.7 miles from our house and karate is 0.2!! literally down a block and a half from our house. my mom insists he needs rides because it’s too cold and night, and he used to have a big instrument from school but he doesn’t anymore and definitely can walk. yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. ever since i started picking him up, a year ago, he never looks for my car. if i’m not right up front, he waits around where i generally can’t see him, then walks home. his school is busy and i have come and park 15-20minutes early just so he sees my car. if i have to park across the street he won’t even look. once i drove in circles trying to get him to notice and even yelled out the window and he just kept walking. this happens way too often. yesterday i waited 25 minutes just to get a call that he walked home from karate. this was the 2nd time in a row this happened. i was only 2 cars from the entrance (parked facing it so maybe only 25ft or less) but a truck blocked my view and i could not see if he was there. when i got home i was livid, i pay for my own gas and i waste so much just driving to get him for no reason. and in the winter i leave my car on so i don’t freeze, making me waste even more gas. i told my parents i’m not giving him rides anymore, he can walk. they went on and on about how they can’t give him rides and it’s not a big deal. they didn’t even tell him to look for my car, they said it wasn’t his fault. i just don’t understand how many times can this happen before he looks for my car for once. he’s not an idiot but wow i get so mad because he can’t get simple stuff like this in his head. when i got home later that night i was told he was upset and it’s my fault. i didn’t even talk to him, i just told my parents i’m done with this ridiculous and not giving rides anymore. apparently he overheard and is upset because i was being a jerk?? anyway today my mom went to pick him up, guess what he didnt look for her. and she ended up just leaving and he walked home. she said he can walk now but is still mad at me for not giving him rides??? tldr; my brother walks home when i try to give him rides because he doesn’t look for my car, but i’m the jerk for not wanting to waste my time/money anymore. | nta | nta given the fact that your brother is an asshole and the fact that he did that to your mom made me laugh so fucking hard | nta, your brother actually seems incredibly selfish or borderline stupid for a 12 year old not to have the sense to look for you. i definitely would not be picking him up again. | 21 |
9x6898 | wibta for getting annoyed at my girlfriend when we go to the gym? | my girlfriend and i have been going out since june last year and apart from the situation with my family and the restrictions i have on me, we have a good relationship. at the start of this year we signed up to a gym and it was going quite well for a while. soon enough more and more people started coming at the same time as us and because she has some issues with anxiety, uncomfortable feeling towards and being scared of all boys, we started actually going to the gym less and less; opting to just hang at hers instead. this carried on off and on for a good few months, with us sometimes being able to use the gym instead of us driving away once we saw the parking lot having too many cars. throughout this whole ordeal i admittedly have felt annoyance at the whole thing. her reasoning being that she feels like everybody is watching her and that makes her really uncomfortable and what-not. i tried telling her that they're just doing their own thing, etc to which she replies that she knows that but her mind will still think that so she will still have that feeling. i generally accept that and usually we cancel gym for tonight and instead go to mcdonalds to get her a frozen coke to make her happy and then just chill at her's until i gotta be home for my curfew. recently we cancelled our membership with that gym and signed up to a new one that has much more space and is definitely better. we knew coming into this that the gym would be more busy as it's a more popular gym and what-not. ever since we signed up almost two weeks ago now, the first couple nights since the membership we didn't enter because she saw quite a few people (mainly men) working out through the window so she couldn't enter at all whatsoever. that night i was like okay, i understand and drove off. the following night we managed to get out off the car and was about to swipe our cards to open the doors when she noped out and said she couldn't do it. i said "really?" a couple times because we were so, so close. she got quite upset with me for that and i tried to explain to her it's because we were so close and all she needed was just that one more step, but she wasn't having it. shortly after i managed to convince her into trying again somehow, i am usually very shit with my words and mess things up but i succeeded this time. this time we got in and it was great. from then on, we manage to get in the gym but we usually have to wait in the car until the person who just arrived gets in the gym before us, or any people outside enters/leaves and are out of the parking lot. i'm fine with this as it's just a minute or two thing, no drama there. it's just to further elaborate on how she is. when we're in the gym we typically do five mins of cardio and use that time to gauge how many people are leaving/entering the gym and whatnot, and to give the area we want to go to that little bit more time just to see if the people in there leaves within that time frame. if they don't, we either go to the weight room where all the heavy weights and machines are and sorta work out there half-assed, not really amounting to anything. last night when we went, and a couple of times actually, she expressed that she feels uncomfortable and that she wants to go/sit in the car and that just makes me feel disappointed because i want to work out with her, and annoyed because i know and she knows nobody is looking at her but she just can't get her mind to think that too. sure every now and then people look around and look for a few seconds but that's nothing (to me), to her that's uncomfortable and i understand why. to sum it up, would i be the arsehole for feeling annoyed/disappointed at my girlfriend? it's been happening for over half a year and admittedly neither of us have made progress besides me being able to do one pull up now. i feel as if we're not getting the best out of the gym because of how she feels during these times. she expressed many times she wants a big butt and to not be skinny as hell and whatnot, but she's also letting herself halt her progress, we both believe that she needs more confidence as that's a big thing that she's lacking (she said) and i agree. | nta | nta. she either needs therapy or needs to get out of her comfort zone. that isn't normal anxiety, that's pretty extreme. and i can see how unwillingness to do anything about it can get infuriating. | nta, everyone is nervous/afraid when they first go to the gym anxiety or not. seems like she just won’t say “i can’t do it”. maybe y’all could do less gym focused exercises for now? increase her confidence slowly and then tackle the gym? | 2 |
9x6c6q | aita if i don’t give out free rides? | i am in school with a bunch of people who live near me. 4 of them live in an apartment together, and 3 of those 4 pay me to take them home every day. the deal we made was they would pay me a total of $24 a week, because that is divisible by three and a little less than taking an uber every night. they live about 8 minutes from me. last night, the one who doesn’t pay to come home (he prefers to go around every day finding rides for free) asked for a ride “because i couldn’t find a ride today and you are going there anyway”. i said i don’t care, but you have to ask the guys who are paying. he did not, and just got into the car. no one said anything, but 2/3 paying guys came to me later and said we should not give him a ride again, because he has gotten a few rides with them and the guy they pay in the morning using the same excuse. am i/are we the asshole(s)? after all, we are going to the apartment anyway. | nta | put it on them. your ride cost $24 either way. don't get involved. they are nta for telling him no. | nta - iirc, the weight of the car directly impacts fuel consumption, so it's not as if there's no detriment to you (after all, depending on where you are, gas can get real expensive) | 14 |
9x6dxe | aita for not letting my guy friends spank me? | i'm a dude and a bunch of my guy friends at a party/kickback just decided they would spank each other on the ass repeatedly and i refused to partake in this and i was kicked out of the party and nobody has talked to me since. on top of this i was removed from their group chat. am i the asshole here? | nta | nta, everyone has different levels of comfort when it comes to physical contact. | nta- that sounds like a bunch of borderline homo erotic fraternity bro shit. if they are really upset then you are better without them | 45 |
9x6ma5 | aita for not giving up my window seat? | so, boarding to fly from san francisco to europe for an 11 hour flight. pretty happy that i booked a window seat and fully prepared to do my pass-out-until-landing act. arriving at my seat, i see an elderly couple occupying my seat and the aisle seat next to it. i point out the older woman is in my seat. her husband mumbles something about her ankle being broken and that i can have their seat in the center section. upon seeing that seat i guess the disgust was quite visible upon my face, because they quickly switched back to their own seats. i felt a bit like an asshole. i'm usually a pretty easy going guy and pretty pleasing to other people, however the idea of trading my paid window seat for a middle row seat on an 11-hour flight is asking a bit much... also, i don't really understand why a window seat would be better with a broken ankle? and if that's so important to you, why don't you just shell out the few extra bucks to book a window seat? a lack of planning on your part does not make an emergency on my part... or talk to the stewardesses to arrange something? i also don't really appreciate being confronted with a done deal instead of asking first... so i feel like i'm the right here. wdyt? | nta | nta. i dont really see what the broken ankle has to do with sitting in your seat, that was probably harder to get to in the first place vs the aisle seat they paid for, with the broken ankle and all.... sounds like they just wanted a window seat without paying for a window seat. | nta. not at all. you paid to pick your seat, you are under no obligation to give it away. i don’t care who is asking for it. if people want certain seats, they need to fork over the money to pick their seats. don’t feel guilty. this is on them. not you. | 35 |
9x6mlq | aita? neighbor and fallen trees | i live in a state where if a tree falls on your property it's your problem. it doesn't matter if the tree belongs to a neighbor. last year my neighbor's giant (70+ feet) tree fell. it smashed my fence, messed up my new (6 month old) siding, and punched a few holes in my new 1 year old roof (new plywood, etc.. completely new). the neighbor paid to clean up the tree - and took down a few other similar ones that could be a risk. i expect it was quite expensive, as the trees were all massive. we covered fence, siding, and roof repairs. both of our back yards have a maintained section that's fenced in, and then a stream, and then a giant part (an acre or more) that's left unkempt and wooded. my yard has a bridge to get over there, but we never go. my neighbor doesn't have a bridge, and is an older gentleman and has no way to get across the stream in his yard. in august, a big tree on my property fell into his yard, in the rough, wild section past the stream. i had no plans to move it, as it's wild back there and it's not doing anything that bothers me. my neighbor called and asked that i get someone to at least remove the part on his yard - probably 10-15' or so of it. and i didn't... mostly because it's hard to get any machinery over there, and also because i'm lazy and wasn't motivated to pursue it. at most i would get someone to clear it off his yard, and leave the rest on mine. he had his 'tree guy' stop by a few times but he wasn't even sure he could get equipment close enough to do it, and didn't seem interested in the job. the tree guy told my wife that he thought the ground back there was 'too swampy' to move in his big equipment. a few times since august the neighbor has checked in to see if i was doing anything about it. i wasn't. again - this is a wooded area, in part of his yard he can't even get to without a bridge. today he had a different tree service come to remove the part that is on his land. again, in our state this is his responsibility. i texted him today when he told me they were there and said 'let me know what it costs, i'll cover it' and he said no. oh, and he asked his tree guy to quote me to remove the rest and the tree guy said "it's too big, i have no way to get it out of there...." aita? | yta | yeah i think yta. your neighbor didn't have to clean up that huge tree for you, but he did because he was probably feeling real bad about the devastation it caused you, and he went out of his way to ensure that wouldn't happen again by paying for additional unnecessary tree removal. he was trying to be a good neighbor by being courteous. it was probably a lot more money than he expected, probably stung quite a bit if other expenses came up, and he probably regretted it somewhat but hey it's done. i bet if he really wanted to he could come after you for the bill on the tree that was your responsibility, legally... but that wouldn't be very neighbourly. so now a tree falls from your property onto his and he's thinking, "hey, i did you a favor. you should do me one in return". and yeah it's a bit stupid given its location and all that, but it matters to him. i think in the spirit of being neighborly you should take a chainsaw and clear that piece on his land off for him, and don't be such a dick to someone who was so generous to you in the first place. if it physically cannot be done, send a gift basket with your apologies that you couldn't return the favor on this tree. | yta, majorly. he paid for his tree to be removed from your property, when he could have easily done nothing and have been well within his rights, and you pay him back by... not removing your tree when it falls into his yard? i get that your "tree guy" said it would be difficult to get his gear back there, but the fact that you bothered to even *try* and you just keep pulling excuses out of your ass show what kind of person you are. hopefully one of his trees falls onto your house and he does nothing. | 3 |
9x6s8h | aita for considering divorce? | been married several years now, no kids. we have talked about having kids, but haven't gone forward due to her anxiety about the whole process, and my fear of committing to the whole lifestyle of being a parent. i work full time and then some, as my job keeps me busy (60, 70 hours a week). my income pays for basically everything. she has been pursuing a career in photography for some six years. she's made headway here and there with some good clients and jobs, but mostly she travels around and takes photos for her portfolio (meaning there is no paying client). i have suggested focusing more time on actual marketing, or hiring an agent or joining an agency several times, to get a more steady workflow going. or even just having business cards for the times people ask for them. but it seems like she doesn't want to work harder than she is now. sometimes i suggest that, if this career isn't growing into something productive/a means of actually supporting our economic needs, she might need try a different career path. but she won't consider any other line of work. i'm coming to the view that she so reliant on my income and safety net that she feels no need to make her career an actual career. this makes me feel taken advantage of. i've communicated as clearly as i can that this situation makes me feel take for granted, taken advantage of, etc. even so, it seems like it doesn't affect her actual behavior when it comes to working. i get that it's a competitive world, and photography is not easy. i don't want to ask her to give up on her dreams or her passion. i also can't feel okay feeling like i'm being used. so, i'm thinking about divorce. am i the asshole? | nta | nta, but it does sound like you're responsible for her dependence on you. if you're not happy you need to figure that out, but you need to be open about your feelings with her and give her a chance to change. good luck | you're nta, and as easy as it would be to call her the asshole, she might not be either. i think it all depends on your motivations. being career driven and/or materialistic are not necessarily virtues, although our society can sometimes portray them as such. what are your motivations for working as much as you do? did you meet her while under this workload? are the two of you just getting by, or are you well off? could you and would you be willing to work 40 hours a week and actually have a life with her? how do you think she would react if you proposed to do just that, but take ends meet she would have to get a real job? (obv not the best way of phrasing it) does this 70hr a week thing have an end game? because that's no life. imo | 10 |
9x6syy | aita for calling my girlfriend an attention whore | it sounds horrible but it wasn't that bad. i didn't necessarily call her an attention whore, i told her to stop acting like one. she has some friends that are extremely into politics. i just find them stupid and ignorant. politics is all about making one group of people seem worse than your group of people. it's so annoying, she always tries to be someone else while with them. i know her well enough to know she is apolitical like me so seeing her try to act like she's into it and going to protest is so insufferable. her friends came over and she started trying to make this "rant" about college bias'. i just couldn't handle it and i cut her off midway to tell her to stop being like her stupid friends and that i know she isn't like that so she needs to stop acting like an attention whore. | yta | yta and i’d love to have a conversation with your girlfriend about the politics of universities at the administrative level. get more involved, apathy will screw you in the end. | yta. you can have your opinion about things but insulting your girlfriend isn't going to get her to see your view. you're just being an asshole to her. calling her out in front of her friends was inappropriate. ​ | 1 |
9x6uet | aita for telling my girlfriend not to send me videos depicting her cat doing his business? | so about half an hour ago, my girlfriend and i were talking about her cat, which we both love dearly. however, she started describing certain things which she likes/liked to do with her cat, such as lightly inserting her finger into his mouth when he yawns (however, she has since stopped doing this as of around a few weeks ago) and filming him while he is using his litter box. now, the latter concerned me a little, as i believe that cats deserve privacy just like humans. this belief comes from me accidentally walking in on my cat while she was urinating, and she freaked out. anyway, when she said this, i politely let her know that that is a little strange. i also told her that cats deserve privacy. she responded to this by saying that “it’s so cute though” and sending a video of the cat cleaning up after himself. i told her that i didn’t want to watch it, and she said, “if you could get through dissections in high school, you can watch this.” of course, i responded to this by saying that i wouldn’t voluntarily watch this if i didn’t have to, and that the thought of watching a cat urinate and defacate unsettles me. also, i said that no living being should be subjected to that. she responded with “okay, okay, jeez.” i might add that i did watch the video, and in it, this poor cat is visibly distressed. i felt very bad for that cat. i finally told her to stop doing that to her cat and to not send those videos to me any more. she subsequently responded by saying, “it’s really not that bad, but okay. i’ll stop.” i kind of feel bad about this. am i the asshole for this? edit: please don’t say anything about my relationship with her. i love her very much, and this is the only time we’ve really had an argument like this. just tell me if i’m the asshole and tell me why or why not. | nta | nta. you don't have to watch anything you don't want to. and it's pretty weird | nta...i'm an animal person but wtf? lol. how is a cat shitting considered cute? | 3 |
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