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9vpqun | aita for threatening to kick out my girlfriend for refusing to cook? | my girlfriend does not cook or help around the house. at all. she does nothing other than go out with friends, and gets angry at me for not taking her out often. she has no job, does not go to school, and stays in the house other than me or someone else taking her out. i gave her the choice of cleaning and cooking every day, or i kick her out onto the street. i don't think she has anyone to take her in. am i in the wrong here? | nta | nta. in fact, you're doing her a huge favor. and i swear, don't make that threat unless you're absolutely willing to follow through on it. | nta. just break up, you’re being used, and her cooking on occasion will not make up for the deadbeat she is being. | 2 |
9vpwa4 | aita for calling someones wife ugly? | so i'm just cruising through the aisle at walmart and this nasty looking cigerette smelling redneck couple walk by and i guess i made eye contact with the dudes wife and as i pass the dude turns around and says "hey! were you looking at my wife" so i told him "trust me, nobody is looking at your wife" and they just said some shit and walked away. aita? | yta | yta. the guy was being a jerk first, but his wife wasn't. she didn't do anything to you to deserve to hear mean things said about her. | yta. the wife hadn't said anything to you at that point. no reason to go after her too. | 19 |
9vqd6o | aita for thinking that someone who is a trans-female should not be able to participate in female sports | sorry for triggering anyone with this, i just truly want to know if this makes me an asshole. so why i ask this is because i believe that no matter how many surgeries or hormones you take, it is in there biology that they are men/boys and if they participate in female sports they will surpass all other women because they aren't women. any long story short aita? | nta | nta, but i believe transgender females on hormones have the same hormone levels as biological females. certain "advantages" that come with being a trans female such as height, would be disadvantageous in sports like gymnastics but clearly advantageous in the rest. with similar testosterone levels, muscularity will not be advantageous for trans females. it's an extremely gray area, i have no idea how it will be dealt with and not a doctor so my knowledge only comes form reddit and my own amateur research!! | nta. however, in my opinion, you shouldn't bring up the argument that trans-women were not women because this not only hurts the trans-women's feelings but is also arguable. for this reason, be more precise and say that their body is male because the male body is the problem in this case, not the identity of the person. or would you complain when a female athlet who identifies as a racehorse participates in a racing with other females? probably not. | 11 |
9vqhd7 | aita for using the handicapped bathroom stall? | went into public bathroom today with 5 or 6 stalls that were all full. waited for a minute and someone came out of the last stall, which was larger and had hand rails by the toilet. i went in, thinking it was just a normal bathroom trip. i was wrong. i have an irritable bowel and am also pregnant. i don’t always know ahead of time if i’m going to be on the toilet for a long time. i heard people come and go and the stalls were mostly empty when i finished, about 15 minutes later. when i came out, there was an elderly woman standing there waiting, who went into the stall after me. she wasn’t in a wheelchair or seem like she obviously needed to use that stall specifically, but i’m sure it was just more comfortable and easier for her. she didn’t say anything to me, but i felt bad that she had to wait for me so she could use that stall. especially since i had no reason to need to use it, other than it was just available. aita for taking a really long time in the handicapped stall? | nta | nta. handicapped bathroom stalls are not like parking spaces, they are not only for people with a specific need. but, note i feel very strongly they should be used only if that's the only stall available if you don't have a need the ratio rules are completely different for the bathrooms. | nta because there was no malicious intent and you seem to kinda feel bad about it to the point that you made this post. you’re also pregnant so that definitely gets you sympathy points. | 14 |
9vqw72 | aita for not wanting my child baptized? | me and my wife have a baby who’s 6 weeks old. my mother in law brought up baptizing him. now me and my wife don’t go to church. i am not religious i was very religious and went on mission trips and what not. nowadays i don’t believe no dis to those who are. i asked my wife if she believes in heaven she said idk. asked her is she believes there’s a god she said idk. she wants to have our son baptized but doesn’t know if she believes. if she said she does believe i would have said yes. aita for not wanting our son baptized? | nta | nta. i was in this situation. my mom was pressuring me to baptize my baby and had the minister come over while we were visiting. the minister told me that baptizing a baby was really a commitment that the parents make to raising the child in that religion. he said he respected me for being honest about my intentions because so many parents promise to bring the child to church and then don't. that the child could always choose to go to church themselves after they grew up. my mom was worried that my baby could go to hell if they died without being baptized. the minister said, "the_goob's mom, god doesn't send babies to hell!". she had no comeback for that. | nta because baptizing your kid is something you do if you want to commit to that religion. if you and your wife are on the fence about it, there's nothing wrong with leaving the child unbaptized or even just waiting a little while to see if your religion takes hold. | 11 |
9vravx | aita for not having sex with boyfriend when he wants? | when we first got together in highschool we had sex all the time fast forward to now i just don't want it as often as he does he wants it multiple times a week and honestly i'd be fine a couple of times a month, sometimes i'll give him a handjob. but he just wants it all day every day it feels like, and it doesn't even feel like he wants it, because of me, like he just wants it because he's horny ( i know what i said doesn't make sense) i just feel like a sex toy, and it's just not as pleasant as it used to be, so idk | nta | nta. you can have your own wants and feelings. you do not have to give in. it'd be best to find a middle ground between ya'll, but it may not be so easy. | nta, it's your body, you decide when you have sex. i come from the opposite perspective - i'm the high drive in my relationship, he's the low drive. there's a pretty big difference between us, i'm a few-times-a-week, he's fine like every few weeks to months, depending on stresses in his life [seriously guys, like *months*, it can be rough]. it's important to have an open line of communication at the end of the day. i think he sometimes sees sex like you do, just something physical. his standard line is, "i would rather we spend our time doing something more meaningful with you," which is really sweet, but maybe a little less so when it's been a while... for me on the other hand, sex is an important way to express your feelings for a person. masturbation covers your need for an orgasm, it doesn't cover your need for intimacy. to be honest, we haven't perfected our middle ground yet, but mostly it just means communicating well and doing our best to understand the other person's feelings. in terms of people who say he'll cheat, or that it won't work, that doesn't necessarily have to be the case. from my point of view, sex drive differences aside, we have essentially the perfect relationship. he's my best friend, and so much more than i could have ever imagined for myself. i don't love the idea of having to choose between him and a great sex life, i'd definitely rather have both, but i'd still choose him everytime. that being said, i don't think either of us would have been the asshole if we decided to leave when the issue came up. i have every right to decide he's not meeting my physical needs, and he has every right to decide that i don't understand his anxiety well enough. neither of us has the right to force/guilt each other into anything. | 4 |
9vrwu7 | aita for not being honest about lack of sex? | my girl and i have been together for 10 years. i'm 32 and she's 28. we have two children together, ages 3 and 1. i realize it's hard to get a moment's peace let alone some action, but i miss it so. i bring it up from time to time and that only gets me "pity sex". the come on make it quick. i honestly liked it at first, but now it's just sad. in all honesty i'd rather just masterbate as it's the same amount of gratification. when i try and open up about it she gets defensive and the "ok let's get this over with" vibe. i know she loves me, she always wants to sit on my lap, give me kisses, snuggle, long hugs, ect. ect. i love that, but i want more to our physical relationship. so now when i crave it i just keep it inside. for days at a time, i'm not angry, or passive, just... silent. she believes i'm in deep thought. though i know of i bring it up, it'll just be more of the same reaction. tl;dr i hide the fact i'm disappointed in the lack of sex with my gf of 10 years, it's hard to make time, but dammit i want the time! if brought up she gives in with the "just take it" attitude. aita for just being silent eventhough she knows something is wrong? keep in mind, i know she doesn't owe me anything | nta | is there something wrong with her? like medical or psychological issues? you're nta for trying to talk to her about it. | nta. it would break my heart for sex to become an obligation for my boyfriend. you should be able to have a sit down discussion with her. | 8 |
9vs31x | aita for not wanting to be involved in raising a child from a one night stand | 20m and i'm in college with a 18f. i hooked up with this girl one time 7 months ago, used a condom and she said she was on birth control and 7 months later i get a call last week saying that she's pregnant and that it's up to me if i want to be involved in this child's life. she's not pursuing money (her family is filthy rich) and she just wants to know if i want to be a father and that the reason she hasn't contacted me is because she wasn't sure what my name was and she just found out. i wonder if she was lying about being on birth control, i know i used a condom and did my part. if i would've known sooner i would've suggested an abortion or something. i'm not signing any papers saying i'm the father or claiming any father rights. i'm also getting a paternity test just to be 100% sure. ​ i moved and am now 5 hours away from this girl and i don't see how i could throw my life plans away to be with a baby that i feel no attachment too and a girl i don't even know. i'm in nursing school and time strapped as it is. i know nothing about the mother. i grew up with a shitty father and i know from my experience that the kid would be better of with a non existent father then a shitty one. i told the girl that if she ever needed money i would help anomalously, but i do not want to be a father and that i'm sorry that she's going to have to go through being a single mother. i don't want kids and i'm fairly certain i would make a shitty father, due to not wanting to be a father. i also don't think that because i had sex one time, that it justify's me to have to raise a child and have the total responsibility of how this individual works out in life, i do realize that financially i'm required to support it and i have no problem doing that. i honestly think that the child would be better off without me in life and being with someone who teaches the child healthy boundaries and other things that i have no clue about. i also think that this girl will find a husband and he will hopefully be a good father and if she finds one then it is his child because he raised it. ​ she's not holding me responsible and i'm not holding me responsible because what 20 year old wouldn't hook up with a pretty girl. i don't feel bad for the kid because she seems like the type to make a great mom and her family is financially and emotionally secure, meanwhile on my side i don't have family, my parents abused me so i left and my uncles and aunt's told me to fuck off when i needed them, so i don't have family. i honestly feel he's better off not knowing who i am and him knowing that his family from his mom's side is good and it being a mystery on his dads side of what he actually comes from. my side is white trash, supports trump religiously and i'm the first one to go to college. ​ if the kid got famous or became rich in the future i wouldn't come out of the woodworks and claim it because i don't see it as my child. if he came to me in the future when he got older, i would probably let him get to know me, but i wouldn't try to act like his dad. i don't want any part in raising a child. it's either all in or all out and i'm all out. ​ am i the asshole | yta | yta. having a shitty father does not give you an excuse to bail on your obligations. | after dna testing if you are the father yta. the only 100% certain birth control is abstinence. children deserve to know who their parents are. your age and career agenda don't negate your responsibilities. studies have shown a bad father is better than no father in children's lives. as for that....my upbringing was hell. i was abused violently by an nmom. in turn when i became a mother i took it upon myself to learn what i needed to. i didn't make excuses about where i came from. i just did it! that is what parenting is about. | 10 |
9vs7vy | aita for getting my mom evicted/kicked out on purpose? | i (f18) have a very shitty and narcissistic mom. nothing to dwell about, im over it. she also comes with a very shitty boyfriend. i have always lived with my grandparents, but when i was 10, they moved in with us. when i turned 15, her boyfriend got us evicted out of a very nice and cheap home because he was selling drugs.... so we had no time to find anywhere to live tbh and it’s expensive out here so i have to share a room with my mom who is very messy. when i turned 16, she lost her job. when i turned 17, i started paying her rent because she didn’t want to work. i’ve been paying it ever since. i’ve been working at the same place for a while, i make above minimum wage and i plan on going back to school(gap year from college). but i told my grandma that if my mom doesn’t get a job by february 2019, either she leaves or i leave. my mom doesn’t want to work and hasn’t for 4 years. she does nothing all day(sometimes she’ll leave the house and smoke), doesn’t clean or anything. and i’m paying her rent and she’s my mom. so basically, aita for making my grandma chose between me and my mom, knowing that she’ll chose me because i actually work and help her around. | nta | nta. this sounds toxic, and can certainly have a terrible impact on you. you need to do what’s best for you if your mom can’t even do so much as lift a finger to help out. she’s an adult, you’re her child, and you’re the one doing everything. look out for yourself! | definitely nta. your mom sounds like a peach. as you get older and more successful in your life personally and professionally, you don’t want her globing on. you should head on over to r/justnomil or r/justnofamily for support on how to deal with your mom. the people there are wonderful and give great advice! | 21 |
9vsd4f | aita for being suspicious of my co-worker's domestic violence story? | so i'm going to try to include as few details as possible in this story because i don't want this getting back to my co-workers/friends. i bartend and generally have a good relationship with my co-workers. i consider some of them among my best friends. one of our newer bartenders broke up with her boyfriend who was cheating on her. she still lived with him so they had to make that work for awhile. recently she came in crying and told a pretty awful assault story. not going to delve into specifics but i consider it like [greg hardy](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2015/11/06/horrific-details-emerge-from-greg-hardys-domestic-violence-case/?utm_term=.c7051aacc4c8) level assault (without the guns laying around on the couch). the type of shit that's truly horrific and made me want to throw up. right away i encouraged her to talk to the police, because what he (allegedly) did should land him in prison for multiple years. i was legitimately concerned that her life was in danger. she claimed that she didn't want him to lose his job. i believed her because i'm inclined to believe domestic assault victims. however, today she was discussing some of her new dating prospects and one of our (female) co-workers approached me and said that she was suspicious of her story, which i had was also starting to question. this was because of a bunch of different factors: 1. she's been telling so many people about this horrific assault. like not just all of my co-workers but regular guests as well. like this isn't just "my boyfriend slapped me" shit. that's horrible enough but what she's describing is way worse.) 2. she doesn't want to press charges. now, i know this is common in cases of rape and dv but it just seems incompatible with reason 1. like i understand why women (and people in genera)l would want to keep this inside but she's told so many people that she barely knows. that seems like a weird disconnect to me. 3. she spent like 30 minutes yelling at him on the phone while we were closing down one night this week. given what she's described, the last thing i would think she would want to do is provoke him because someone dying did not seem out of the question given the story she told. 4. there were no signs of trauma on her body. not impossible when considering the story she told, but definitely unlikely. it's mainly the first two things that i listed which don't make much sense when combined with each other. she's definitely the type of girl that loves drama which in my mind means she could easily be lying or exaggerating. but she's also a pretty tough person so i wouldn't doubt that maybe she's just managed to shake it off remarkably well.o other two other co-workers told me tonight that they doubt that she was telling the complete truth. i'm not sure if she's telling the truth, lying, or just exaggerating, but i feel guilty for not believing her completely. i would never actually say this to her unless there's some confrontation that escalates things, and i'm continuing to outwardly support her, but i have my suspicions on the inside. aita for not believing her completely? | nta | nta. skepticism is healthy, even in situations where it's uncomfortable. | nta. there’s nothing wrong with being suspicious, and your reasoning is valid. i wouldn’t voice your opinions on it though. i’m sure she’ll talk about it more, and i’d be on the lookout for some inconsistencies. | 3 |
9vsp6l | aita for being pissed at my parents about this? | tl;dr i asked my parents for an instrument for years but i get rejected for years and instead buys something more expensive and ignores my wants. it happened around a couple months ago and i found this subreddit today. ever since the 8th or 9th grade, i've always wanted to have an instrument (piano/keyboard, guitar, or bass guitar). i really wanted one as an outlet for my mental health because i was getting tired of using my phone and social media as one. every month, i keep asking for it and they always say "oh we don't have enough money. we'll get you one soon." i was understanding every time. overtime i grew impatient. i asked them a hair more "aggressively" but still politely. it's the same damn excuse i hear every fucking time. what's worse is that they buy expensive shit over the years (a new house, a new tv, rent a truck, a shit ton of stones for a walkway, expensive shoes, etc). i was getting a little bit angry but i don't want to cause any more trouble between them and i(coincidently, me and my parents started fighting since 8th grade) . now let's get to a couple months ago. i was just in my room being depressed and on youtube(again, i have nothing else to do) and i heard that they called me outside to get something. when i went outside, my dad bought a fuckton of stuff. i have no idea where he even bought them from. he bought a old antique clock, a bunch of electric candles with a candle holder, a semi new printer, a shit ton of coffee mugs, a bunch of alcohol, an a couple new drawers. pretty fucking expensive, right? when i looked at them, i was furious. very furious but i didn't make an outburst, just quietly moved the stuff from the car into the house. i glared at them which they said "what's wrong with you?" i didn't reply. they proceeded to yell at me and demanded that i help set up the printer (lol). after i was done, i marched into my room and didn't come out for like 12 hours and ignored their calls for me. reason i'm asking if i'm the asshole is because my extended family members commented that i'm an ungrateful child and should always respect my parents and i've told an internet stranger this story and said i'm kinda dickish for yelling at them and been told to be more paitient or try harder to get a job. before you answer i'll tell you some quick facts about me; 1. i am 16 and a junior in highschool 2. i can't get a job yet because i don't have a reliable transportation and every job i've applied haven't called me back yet. 3. we're not poor but sometimes it gets tough around here. if you want to ask me questions or you're suspicious about me or my story, i'll happily respond to you. it's 3 am here so i'm sorry for my poor grammar and rambling. i'm kinda tired. | nta | nta. this reminds me about my friend when we were in high school and she was trying to save money for something she actually wanted/needed. her mother kept telling her they couldn't do it and then mother buys her a new car (probably used) and expects her to pay her back for it overtime, use her own money for gas. my friend neither wanted/needed a car at the point in time. write a letter to your parents about how you fee, let them read it, and their response will determine if they are assholes or not. you're not being ungrateful. especially if you genuinely think an instrument will help your mental health. they might just not want to hear it played for all i know. | nta for wanting a gift, being told that money was tight and then seeing them blow money on stuff. its the lie that's the issue here, not that they won't get you an instrument, though they probably should be trying to encourage hobbies. as for working for you own instrument, look for jobs within walking distance, even if its an online application, dress in a collared button-up and some good pants and go down to the establishment, make sure your hair and finger nails are clean, ask for the manager and state that you've applied and that you are excited to find your first job. i've gotten job offers at minimum wage jobs within 30 minutes of leaving the place with this approach. that is, of course, if you are wanting to go to those lengths to get money. | 3 |
9vtdlz | aita for asking someone to be quite in the library? | i go to a large uni with 2 large libraries and 100s of computers which are free to use to all students. the top floors of both libraries, about 10% of total study space, are silent study areas. you're not allowed to chat, have phone calls or use headphones too loudly while you are there. am i the asshole for asking other students to shut up? i don't have anywhere to study at home and like to learn in a quiet environment. i don't want to hear about somebody's weekend when i'm trying to complete an assignment. on the occasions that i have asked people to be quite they have responded rudely and glared at me. am i the asshole? | nta | nta, you're supposed to be quiet at the library. | nta. the reason people like that exist is because everyone else is too afraid to call them on their shit. you're doing a public service. | 2 |
9vuwub | aita for not wanting my girlfriend to continue talking to her ex boyfriend? | hello everyone. i would really appreciate some insight and i will do my best to describe the situation and be as brief as possible. ​ my girlfriend and i started dating about a year ago, and when we started dating her main ex boyfriend of four years re-entered the picture and started texting her. at that point they had been broken up for over a year. he was 10 years older than her, and at one point she thought he was the one. he dumped her because his heart was not into it, and she told me many things about the guy that made him sound kind of like an emotionally unavailable and troubled individual. let me clarify this. ​ she told me he didn't really want sex much, she did. he wasn't very affectionate, she wanted that. he barely said he loved her, she complained. he didn't want to travel and do things with her, she did. so when we met, in my head i was like "holy shit, this is the complete opposite of me, i'm all the things she wants, this will be great!" well in time, resentment grew because she couldn't reciprocate, and also still responded to this guy, and still does our entire relationship. ​ our entire relationship he has been in touch with her. it's very platonic, but he is obviously still madly in love with her because a few times he has asked her to see him, has admitted he made a mistake, and misses her, etc. she never reciprocates, but still allows him to talk to her. she said she feels bad, but i feel he is just a pest and i'm in a love triangle. i have asked her to cut contact with him because it makes me feel really uncomfortable, and i truly feel he can't move on with her responding. she even reached out for his advice on voting day, saying he was the only person she trusted with politics. i thought that was inappropriate, because in my eyes that would give him some confidence that he is still valuable, but who knows. ​ she thinks i'm being insecure, i think it sucks she can't let go of someone who was apparently such an asshole to her, and ironically can't reciprocate all the things i give her when she told me she wants it. it's very confusing. on top of this, she responds to random strangers on ig who message her, nothing inappropriate from her side, but i tell her to ignore them... it's weird. why does she need to do so? i can't help but think it's all attention seeking behavior. ​ keep in mind we are in our early 30's, so this behavior is mind blowing at this point. this came to a head and we have broken up over it, because i can't handle the random dudes in her life and her ex, and she says she can't let go of him. so this led to us breaking up in a messy way. ​ so, am i the asshole for asking these things? am i am "insecure piece of shit" as she put it? thanks. | nta | nope, nta- she’s clearly not ready to settle down. | nta- i've seen this shite before, and 9/10 it's a huuuge prelude to an affair. you're everything she said she wanted, but now she's tossing you aside for this dude who was an asshole to her? he let her go, but she can't let go of him? she found the dude she was allegedly looking for (you) but she's throwing him away for some dude who treated her like dirt? nuh-uh, hard pass on her! breaking up with her was the right thing. you can bet your ass she would have started at least an emotional affair with him if this continued. i've seen it happen before. all the red flags are right there, clear as day. you're nta. you did the right thing. now go out there and find the woman for you. | 56 |
9vvdns | aita for despising the hypocritical side of my mom? | don't get me wrong, i don't hate her. she makes sure i have meals, and a clean house to live in, but god damn she is so hypocritical. let me explain: \- she *says* (two years ago) that she is going to quit watching k-drama (since they take up soooo much time), and here we are, two years later and she is still hooked watching k-drama \- she *says* (also two years ago) that she is going to start losing weight, and fix her eating habits, but she hasn't done any of that. \-she *says* she is going to start reading more, but she also hasn't done any of that. \- she also really rubs it in when i drop something fragile (plates and the such, nothing that can't be replaced). she goes to rant on how she warned me about this beforehand, and that she called it and whatever the such, but when she drops a plate, she doesn't say anything. nothing at all. she doesn't even get mad or frustrated at herself for doing something like that. but whenever me and my siblings do this, she gets all high and mighty about it. every time i remind her that she's not supposed to be watching k-drama or something she just says "oh, this episode is almost done! i'm almost finished", and then she proceeds to watch 3 more episodes. every time i remind her to stop eating, she does the same thing; "i'm almost done." etc etc. ​ | yta | if none of the things she's making an effort to change affect you, then yta. all your examples of her trying to improve herself are things that only impact her life while you seem to think her getting mad at you for dropping plates is ridiculous. | teenagers are such a cliché smh... and if you don't get it already of fucking course yta. | 5 |
9vvrya | aita | so i 17m had a best friend 18m from when we were both in 8th grade. she and i were so close, and she was the second person i ever came out to. last year she started to change. she became negative and hateful towards everyone i mentioned and never said anything good about anyone. she also started to constantly comment on me being gay and “how gay i am.” i got tired of it and stopped hanging out with her as much. she started a rumor that i had a crush on my friend because we hung out a lot (i didn’t like him like that). our conversations became extremely strained. recently, i was helping my grandma clean her pool and she messaged me and i wasn’t able to reply, she she blocked me on snapchat. then, i asked her new (super flamboyant and feminine gay) best friend if she said why she blocked me. then, she messages me on instagram and blows up cussing me out and finally blocked me. i wasn’t upset honestly. was i an asshole at any point here? for distancing myself? | nta | nta at all. some people don't react well to growing apart. | nta. what exactly did you think you did wrong here? stop being friends with her? | 6 |
9vvskq | aita for not wanting to talk to my mother after what she did? | hi reddit! ​ about a year ago i managed to sell a project of mine to a company, for a somewhat large amount of money (about 30k usd). my mother asked me if i could give her 3k of that to pay some debt she had gathered from back when her and my father had a fast food place. i accepted and gave her the money. ​ some months later she asked again to borrow 2.5k as an advance to pay 3 months rent on a new restaurant she said they wanted to rent to start a new catering business. she said she would give this back to me once the restaurant would be set up and running for a couple of months. this ended up never happening. she said she would get the money back but she never did. since then my parents, along with my little brother have moved to another country. now she says she will only be able to get it back when she comes back from abroad. ​ fast forward to a couple of months ago and one night my father calls me to tell me that my mother had cheated on him with one of her friends. my aunt then told me, at a later date, that my mom gave a lot of money to said friend to fuel his gambling addiction (which i suspect was a big portion of the 3k i initially gave her and probably all of the 2.5k i gave her later). ​ fast forward to now, the situation has since been amended and my parent decided to remain together. now, my mother talks to me as if nothing has happened and i just can't stand it. i don't want to talk to her anymore and i avoid most of her calls and i plan on telling her how i really feel. aita here? | nta | nta, she broke your trust. it’ll take work to get it back | nta. please do tell her. especially if it's making you want to avoid her. you will feel so much better after you tell her exactly how you feel, even if she takes it horribly, it will be a weight off of you. you were trying to help your family and it turned into an ugly situation that wasn't your fault. you will feel better | 217 |
9vxedc | aita for not greeting my girlfriend once she enters the flat after work? | me and my girlfriend live together. we spend almost all the time with each other. we separate at around 9 in the morning. i come home earlier than her, and then sit in front of my computer learning some stuff or playing chess. once she enters the flat, it sometimes takes some time for me to stop paying attention to my chess game or learning something before i say hi to her. she is annoyed by this. she says i don't care and give her enough attention (i give her lots of attention!!!). we saw each other just 10 hours ago for christ sakes!!! i love her but can you guys tell her she's an asshole and not me? or am i actually the asshole? thank you. have a good day. ​ ** | yta | yta. just say hi. it takes 5 seconds. | yta. how much effort does it take to say hi??? | 64 |
9vxm1a | wibta if i asked roommates to spilt the bill of household items | to start off i live in a house with 4 roommates. we split the bills evenly with me managing all of them and sending requests as needed. i set up a chore rotation to keep the house clean that 2 roommates mostly ignore, 1 of them barely uses the common spaces so its not a big deal. only 2 of us have regularly bought household goods like dish soap, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc. neither if us has asked for compensation for these. but for larger purchases, like heavy curtains to block the coming winter chill and keep our heating bill down i would prefer to have everyone contribute since it will help keep everyone's bill down. wibta if i sent them all a money request like i do for our bills? | nta | nta, but will be if you pressure them to pay for it just because you think it will help. my past roommate wanted me to pay half for a water filter he wanted to buy (even though i never use those things and buy bottled water); now that's an asshole move. don't send them request without talking to them first. ask if it's something you think you all will need, and judging by convo, you'll see how it goes. if they don't want to pay for it, they don't have to. | if you want them to pay, you should have discussed it in advance and let them know how much before spending the money. but if you request it with a note that "i picked up curtains for the big window, these cost x but i expect the savings on our heating bill over the course of the winter will more than cover it" then it should be cool. nta. | 2 |
9vxr9a | aita for not letting the intel rep at best buy take a picture of me | so apparently the thing now at best buy is that they have 3rd party reps roaming the store wanting to demo their products to you. this intel rep was showing me computers with intel inside of them and finally later on, after he left i picked out a computer. then he wanted to take a picture of me, him and the computer together for his 'report'. i didn't really want to do that. is that the only evidence they have i bought it with a little bit of his help? | nta | i don't let randoms take pictures of me for any reason nta. | nta, absolutely not. that is not okay without your consent, and it wouldn't be necessary for his job to have a picture of you either. | 23 |
9vxroq | wibta for asking my aunt to come over for thanksgiving? | so, my dad can’t really be around smoke because he had a recent surgery and can’t be around nicotine and smoke. we want to be with one of my aunts for the thanksgiving holiday but she and my uncle both smoke a lot inside her home. we don’t want to go up there just ourselves because what’s the point of a family gathering if one member isn’t allowed to go? so reddit, would my mom and i be the asshole if we invited my aunt and uncle to thanksgiving dinner with a no smoking stipulation? if so, how could we politely make the request? | nta | nta because that literally is something that your dad's health depends on. you don't even have to request this that politely, as i feel like this should be more of a mandatory thing considering the situation. | nta, just say no smoking allowed in the house for medical reasons. also, if your family doesn't smoke in the house it is precedent rule. | 8 |
9vy0z5 | aita for not taking out the garbage? | i make close to 0 amounts of garbage and when i do i put it in the garbage can that’s in my room, and take it out when it’s full. i live with roommates and they want me to take out the kitchen garbage. the way i see it is everyone should clean up after themselves. if i didn’t contribute anything to the main garbage can, it’s not my duty to take it out simply because i live here. everything that’s in the garbage can is someone else’s, so why do i have to take it out. “because you live there”??? am i being an asshole. or is any of this within reason? | yta | yta. it’s a shared living space, even if you don’t throw stuff in there you should still take it out. if you’re unloading the dishwasher are you only gonna unload the dishes you used? it takes 2 minutes to take out the trash. | do they do the other chores in the house? if so, yta | 2 |
9vy4z5 | wibta if i cuddle with my gf till she falls asleep and then get up to go play video games? | so i'm 20 and my gf is 18. we've been living together almost 10 months and we both work often. i work nights while she mostly works during the day or evenings. however my schedule consists of 3 days off in a row. i have 2 friends who also happen to be my only friends at this point and they also work and have their own different schedules. we planned to play videogames during my days off but my gf will be home so wibta if i lay down with her and cuddle till she is asleep and then go play videogames with my buddies? i'm thinking about letting her know that i'll be playing videogames that night so would that be better than just leaving her? | nta | nta. let her know your plans, explain that you want spend time with her but also have plans to hang out with friends, if she is planning on sleeping and you are planning on not sleeping then i don't see the problem. you do have to be careful though, some ladies might be offended by this if you had previously planned to spend the whole night together. honesty is always the best policy. | nta, you're actually being very considerate. i love league of legends. i play as soon as my kid goes to sleep. | 8 |
9vybej | aita for hanging out with my male friends even though they make my boyfriend uncomfortable? | yeah i know it sounds bad straight away but i’ve had this group of friends for years now and i think they’re a really cool group of guys but my boyfriends feels uncomfortable with them and begs that i make female friends instead. probably making my case sound worse but this group also contains an ex, someone who had tried to kiss me before i met my boyfriend who still says weird stuff sometimes and someone who apparently claimed to have feelings for me while drunk at a party over a year ago. i want to respect his wishes but i also deserve to hang out with my friends so i continue to anyway, but try to accomodate more comfortable situations like i’d never hang out with one alone or even two. the problem for me is i don’t want to cut any of my friends off or avoid hanging out with them because i am quite socially awkward and find it hard to make friends so i really treasure the ones i have. so am i the asshole for still hanging out with them regularly? | nta | nta. definitely do not cut contact with your friends because your bf says so. i did it when i was 17 and stupid, and i still regret it. instead, maybe set some very clear boundaries with your ex and maybe sometimes include your boyfriend in your hangouts? my current bf was a bit jealous of this close male friend of mine, but hasn't been since he met him. | nta - but neither is he - it’s a group of guys who have, or expressed desire, to be in his role. it would be almost weird if he was comfortable with that right off the bat early in a relationship. i think being able to communicate feelings in non-accusatory way (“i feel” not “you are”) would help. it’s important that he respects your social/emotional life - but you give him the proper time and support to work through it. meanwhile - it’s equally important your friends respect your relationship and give you the same boundaries they’d have with anyone else. best wishes! | 9 |
9vybrh | aita for pushing a kid on crutches over? (serious) | a few years back i got stuck behind a kid on crutches on the way to class (hall was crowded and narrow, couldn’t go around) i typically wouldn’t have said anything, but this was a kid who i’d known for many years, and we mutually disliked each other very much. i wasn’t gonna do anything at first, but he had been going so slow, to the point where i was about to be late for class. so i simply told him to hurry up. he responds by turning around and hitting me with the crutch. at this point i’m late, hurting and angry, so i push him over. nothing too hard, but he falls. am i the asshole? | yta | yta for telling someone on crutches to hurry up (could've said excuse me) and the kid is an asshole for hitting you with crutches. you're not the asshole for defending yourself | yta, everyone sucks, even the school administrators for not giving him a pass to leave class earlier. i am currently using crutches and if someone told me to hurry up i would also get angry but i would never hit someone for it, you shouldnt have said anything, sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut. | 49 |
9vyfdn | aita for kicking a parent out of the rink because she refused to listen? | i’m a assistant referee at a local hockey rink, just a hour ago i was reffing a junior hockey game. it was one team who was extremely rough (the goalie of the other team got a injury in the neck because of this team), against one who was fairly normal. the rough team slashed a player, ok time in the box, and then the same guy straight up punched a guy at face off, more time in the box, at this point the other team is getting angry. and the referees begun to take notice, at this point the parents and the player got angry saying the other player got in his way and it shouldn’t be his penalty, but surprise that’s not how it works. and the same dude decides to basically stab his stick into someone’s shoulder pad. that’s the final straw he was asked to leave, while doing this his parents went mad and started to swear and threaten the referees and anyone who doesn’t support his team. she was asked to leave as well. after this the game ended normally ( only had 10 minute on the clock anyway) and when i was done changing the parent was waiting for me. and said she is going to file a complaint. i feel i did the right thing but in the change room one of my co worker told me i should’ve just left them. tldr: parents of a kid who basically try to injure the other team and i kicked him out for threatening anyone who doesn’t agree with him. | nta | nta - youth sport aggro nutjobs are a special category of crazy and must be treated as such. reffing hockey sounds like fun though. | nta, anyone who gives up their time to referee kids' sports deserves proper respect and recognition. why should you have to put up with this abuse? | 12 |
9vyht2 | aita for being fed up with my girlfriends mental illness | i'm a 16m and my girlfriend is a 17f. this is my first legit relationship. so basically the deal is i'm sick of my girlfriend not taking care of her mental illness. it seems like every other day there is some kind of new problem, or she's all of a sudden got an urge to cut, or she just feels bad for no reason. i understand, because i have my own medically diagnosed mental health issues. what i don't understand is why she refused to get treatment or any kind of help at all. she was on medicine for a while but she quit because it was 1. giving her tremors and 2. she didn't like how it made her feel. again that's understandable but she hasn't seemed to do anything to supplement it and honestly i can not be her therapist. it's hard enough for me to get through my daily day without trying to shoulder her along with me. i don't want to break up because i'm afraid she's going to hurt herself and because i geniuenly want her to get help. she texted me about a half hour ago saying she had the urge to cut. i of course told her not to. she then said it's been going on for too weeks, which annoyed me because she's been saying everything's been fine. so i said she should speak with her therapist, and she said "well i can't do that right now can i?". i said i was here for her in the interim and she said " but not here" as in not at her house. i planned on staying home and i have been sick. now she has the right to be a little mad cause i went out with my friend last night, so i'm obviously not sick enough to be bed ridden. i tell her i'm sick and say if she needs me to i will come over. she then just starts saying things like don't worry about it and no it's ok, and i reiterate that i'm there for her. same responses. she invited me over earlier and i said no because her mom nor little sister was home and it makes me uncomfortable going behind her parents back like that. i feel guilty because i don't know what more i can do. even when i've gone to comfort her it doesn't feel like i do much and she's always sad once i'm gone. it's really draining me | nta | nta at all. i understand what it’s like. you’re right, she absolutely should get professional help, and it’s not fair or healthy for her to treat you like a substitute therapist. it is draining. i have been there. all it does is build up resentment and eventually you will not enjoy being with her. this is something that needs to be nipped in the bud. she should know that you love and care about her, but you can’t always make her feel better, and she should work on improving her mental health. | nta. there's a fine line between caring for somebody when they're struggling and being dragged down into an unhealthy relationship. to me, it sounds like you two are leaning towards the latter, but you probably should figure out for yourself where you two are on that spectrum so that you can determine your best course of action from here | 11 |
9vyiov | aita for not willing to pay my friends for taking care of me when i was high? | it was friday night and my friends had plans with themselves, but i ended up getting high. they inserted themselves into the situation, saying me and the person that i got high with needed help and they stayed to take care of us. they really didn’t do anything to help us except cleaning up a bowl of vomit and sitting browsing their phones. now the next day they are requesting that we pay them for ruining their friday night despite me telling them multiple times that i would be fine and telling them to go to whatever they planned. i’m really pissed off but i don’t know what to say because they keep saying everyone thinks they are okay and saying that i was not okay and needed help. i have been in situations where i had to take care of myself when high twice already so i do know how to care for myself. what do i do? | nta | nta you didn’t ask them to stay, they chose to stay. but they did choose to stay because they were concerned for your wellbeing and didn’t believe you when you said you were fine. now as far as asking for money, that’s a dick move. they shouldn’t of stayed in the assumption you were going to pay them. if they stayed because they were good friends and cared then instead of paying them money (which just seems like a “this is the first thing i thought of to ask for for taking care of you” thought), repay them in doing something nice for them, it can be something simple that you and your friends enjoy. take them to lunch or a movie or buy them a coffee. then reiterate next time, you’d appreciate it if they wouldn’t stay and anything that happens is on you, not them. | nta, in my opinion. vomiting isn't a good sign when you're high, and a good friend would definietly stay, even if the situation does not turn bad after all. but asking you to pay for it? that's not something a friend would do. saying that you owe them one and asking for making up for somehow, like cook or idk, it is alright, sure it would be great for them to feel your gratitude. but this just seems disingenuous | 9 |
9vz510 | aita for telling a guy to leave me alone then cussing him out after he asked me to do one of those stupid snapchat games. | so a bit a background: this guy got harshly dumped by his girlfriend about a month ago, hes a huge nude lover, with in the last month hes asked alot of my freinds for nudes (but not me) and he also has a thing for asians (i'm asian) so about 2 weeks ago i was playing truth or dare with this guy and he dares me to let him look through my phone. i let him and he sees a picture of me in my bra (not a huge deal to me) but since then he obviously had a huge crush on me and i was not interested. so since i'm too awkward to confront him i just kinda made myself a brick wall to talk to whenever he tried to talk to me. he doesnt pick up on the clues. so flash forward to yesterday night. he text me via snapchat and tries to make conversation then he post on his story "pick a number and i'll send you a question that you have to answer honestly warning not for kids" kinda posts and he tells me to do what was on his story i tell him "i dont want to i like to keep things g rated". so he replies "oh your so boring". i tell him "sorry but i don't want to" he then repeatedly sends "boring" and i figured he was gonna continue spamming me till i agree. so i tell him to "leave me alone" and he replied "wow really okay i was just joking around" that's when i lost and told him how i really felt about him and the real reason his girlfriend dumped him then i blocked him before he could respond. am i an asshole? | nta | nta. sounds like an immature jackass. even so, next time, just confront the issue head on rather than semi-ghosting him. just better for everyone all around. | nta. kid was being a creep | 5 |
9vzhsd | aita/am i a bad friend for begrudging my friends their lottery money? | title says it all. i played the lottery with two friends; it was my idea, at first they weren't interested at all, but then i convinced them that it would be fun so they agreed. i went and bought our tickets, let them choose and took the remaining one. they won a significant (but not huge) amount of money, whereas i won a few bucks. instead of being happy for them or being happy about the money i won, i'm extremely envious about it, especially since they do not want to share with me. i know they don't owe me anything, but i feel just so entitled that money, since basically i'm the reason they have it in the first place. now every time they tell me about what cool things they bought, i feel resentful towards them (but haven't said anything about it and don't intend to). aita? | yta | yta for only praising the responses you want to get....which was nta. | yta. you badgered them into playing the lottery with you and when they won, you got upset. why do you feel as though you are you entitled to the money? is it because you introduced them to gambling? let me ask you this: if they did not win, would you feel responsible to help pay for their lottery tickets/lost money? if that's your personality, so be it. but to avoid this situation in the future, i would recommend a lottery pool. that way nobody wins more than their friends and you won't feel envious. | 14 |
9w098x | aita for being upset my dad got my car fixed? | i have a 20 year old honda. i bought it for $400 a year ago. it has massive clutch problems but nothing that can't be temporarily fixed by putting fluid in the clutch; for $400 i didn't expect it to last long. ​ i'm going through a breakup, and the car suddenly became way more important to me. i've spent $600 on it in the last two weeks to get new tags on it and then i had to pay to get it out of impound because i was driving it uninsured. now it's insured, it's registered, it's mine, and the clutch went out. ​ okay, fine, it's happened before. my dad has a mechanic buddy so i asked him to put some fluid in it and i'd pay for his time. tonight, my dad say's he's replacing the whole clutch, brakes, and my bearings, and i owe him $1000. ​ i lost it. i realize that i need the car, i realize that i probably can't get a better one for $1000, i realize that the $1000 quote is about 75% better than any other mechanic would give me. but holy shit he just spent $1000 of my money without even asking. ​ i feel really stupid for being mad about now having a much better working car, but frankly i wasn't planning on ever, ever repairing a $400 pos, i was just going to drive it until it broke and then rinse and repeat. he says it will last five years and gave me a big ol' lecture on it, and i do understand that he did me a good turn, but i'm still upset about the money i wasn't asked about spending. that's a very, very large amount for me, and i just shelled out a previous $600 for something i wish i'd left in impound. ​ he's acting like i'm a real dick for being upset. am i? | nta | nta, he should have asked. you might have decided to do it anyway, but it was your decision to make, not his. you sound perfectly reasonable in your thoughts here. i think that your dad needs to realize that you are a separate autonomous being who is in charge of making their own decisions. | so nta if you’re upset about him using your money to repair the car without asking. if you were upset about him repairing your car with his money while not expecting payment then yeah you would be. | 10 |
9w0eho | aita for getting upset with my dad for kissing my baby? | my husband and i have one rule: do not kiss our one month old baby. we don’t care how else my parents want to play with him, but with many people having herpes in the family we do not want anyone kissing his face. my father kissed my baby on the cheek this afternoon, and i kind of blew up. am i the asshole for getting upset with my dad about this? | nta | nta but i hope you told him nicely | nta .....however. be prepared for both yours and his parents to do shit that you dont want them to do. be ready to have constant blow ups. to be honest blowing up is not good cos they will come in handy to you for babysitting etc. did you ask why he would do it when you specifically said no? | 3 |
9w0nuj | aita for wanting to make a noise complaint about my neighbor? | heading this off with i have not made any actual complaints to anyone but my husband about this situation. we bought a house on a dead end street. everything was nice and quiet over the summer. over the last month, the neighbor who has property backing up to our yard has been making a lot of noise. they have about an acre of land that butts up to our back yard, and it appears that they have decided to turn it into a race track. they have been driving laps, and revving their engines for what feels like 15 minutes at a time straight (honestly, it's probably only 3-5). now, none of this would be that serious of an issue, if it was happening at normal hours. they are doing all this between 8pm and like 3am, even during the week. i'm a light sleeper, so them doing all of this is waking me up, or keeping me awake. when we were looking at the house and property, there were no signs of them using the yard as a race track. am i the asshole for wanting to have the cops talk to them about the noise at odd hours? we keep to ourselves, so we have never met, or even seen who these neighbors are, so i would prefer to not confront them directly. | nta | nta. make a complaint. almost every community prohibits excessive, unnecessary, and unreasonable noise. the police will enforce these laws. | nta. there are usually bylaws in place about noise levels after a certain time of day, so you could look into that. but i would first try talking to your neighbours about the noise (if you haven't already). not only that, but if they're making that much noise, there are probably other people in your cul-de-sac who have the same complaints. if talking to them about it doesn't (or hasn't) work, then absolutely check the bylaws in your area and make noise complaints. | 6 |
9w1am2 | aita for thinking this girl in my creative writing class is milking/potentially faking ptsd? | little bit of background: this girl, let’s call her sally, went to my middle school, and was hit by a car in 7th grade. sally had a concussion and i believe she broke her leg (i don’t remember 100% if the last part is true). sally was recently put in my 10th grade creative writing class, and one of our first units was a memoir. after writing practice memoirs, my teacher asked if anybody wanted to share, sally raised her hand. her memoir was titled “survivor” and was about the car accident, and made multiple references to sally’s experiences with ptsd. a couple weeks later during our poetry unit, sally wrote a poem called “at least you didn’t have cancer” (or something like that,) and it was on how the word “survivor should be reserved for people who don’t have to live with the consequences of a single accident for the rest of their lives”. i know i have no right to judge her for potentially having a horrible illness i’ll most likely never have, but something just irks me about it. i guess i was just raised to believe mental illness is something people held in internally and weren’t “supposed” to be vocal about. this has just been eating me up inside. | yta | yta. being hit by a car can definitely cause ptsd and the results can be life changing. the writing may be a form of therapy for her. 10th graders aren't the best writers, and tend to be purple with their writing. perhaps that is what is making it seem fake. many writers talk about mental health issues , and as she hones her skills will be better at expressing herself. | yta... kind of. i think the problem is that you’ve been fed this outdated idea that you shouldn’t talk about your mental health problems in public, so to you it seems strange that she would talk about it so much. assuming she is being honest about her ptsd (which she probably is, although there are definitely people out there who would fake it for attention), sharing her experience probably just helps her to deal with her feelings. | 14 |
9w1fcc | aita for not letting my friends control the aux while i'm driving? | so i personally like to follow the etiquette of "driver picks the music" so nobody is fighting over the aux when i'm driving but a couple of my friends keep complaining about how i never let them. i wouldn't mind so much if they played half decent music but it's always stupid garbage they find funny or entertaining or if they even asked nicely rather than bitching at me to let them play songs. is listening to my music while i'm driving my car too much to ask? | nta | it's your car. you're hauling around a bunch of people and it's a privilege they need to recognize. nta, and if they complain again then tell them to take their own vehicles... easy! | glad i'm not the only one. nta. | 15 |
9w1n8t | aita for calling my brother a faggot? | we had an argument about my mom having psychosis. he kept saying that she's sick and she needs help. but, he listened to nothing i was saying about her being on medication and being fully capable when she's not having an episode. he wants to send her off to a mental hospital. we kept arguing and he called her crazy so i called him a faggot. he is in fact gay but i kinda already knew it would hurt him because our dad use to say it a lot before he died. i did mean to hurt him because he was hurting our mom but i kinda feel like an asshole. | yta | yta. i get that you were upset and frustrated, not ignoring that fact. i think you could’ve been the better person without throwing the slur at your own brother. | yta. deliberately saying something thst you know will hurt some one is an arsehole thing to do. learn to argue without name calling. | 276 |
9w1s1z | aita for hitting a girl who hit me first, then not apologizing? | so this happened in highschool (so somewhere like 6-7 years ago) i was leaving a class and someone came up behind me and smacked my ass, pretty hard too. i was actually bullied pretty hard at the time and i kinda had enough i turned and punched. turns out it was a girl, and she was friends with the group of 5 that i had the most problems with. when it happened i just said "oh shit." and someone else ran up and said "dude what the fuck." i can honestly say that i didn't know it was her behind me and just turned and blind fired. i was in the mindset to just keep punching but after seeing it was a girl i backed up and was seriously confused i had no idea. this later caused a fight between me and her four friends i mentioned above. they confronted me in the cafeteria that day and told me how i need to apologise and i used some choice language and told them no. she was a bully, and i'm not saying she deserved it because i realize now i shouldn't have retaliated physically no matter who it was. anyways when i wouldn't apologise the four guys beat the crap out of me. it didn't last long teachers broke it up, but yeah i got my ass handed to me. anyways, my friends and i were talking and they said i should have apologised to her, but i still disagree. aita for hitting her and not apologising? also thanks everyone for your responses | nta | i don't think it makes a difference that its a girl, but i guess i'll go with nta because play stupid games, win stupid prizes | i would say nta. making you uncomfortable like that isn't on, and you definitely shouldn't apologise to the one bullying you. | 47 |
9w2072 | aita for ignoring someone’s lifting advice? | i was exercising at the gym, doing an exercise that’s not quite as common (not goofy looking) to target specific functions of the muscle i wanted when some random guy showed up and wanted to give me advice, saying i should do a different exercise instead. he went on for a little bit about how the one he wanted me to do was better. i’m a small, so i might look like i just started lifting and don’t know what i’m doing, but but half of my job is literally to understand different motions and how to target which for different purposes and plan around that. i take people through exercises and tweak them according to each individual client accounting for injuries, mobility, etc. i didn’t want to start a debate with some random at the gym, but also felt like i shouldn’t pretend like i’m about to take his advice. when he finished, i just said “cool. i like my way better so i’m sticking to it.” he gave me a sort of frustrated look but walked away without saying anything. he just sat down to play with his phone. was i the asshole here? | nta | nta you don’t give advice in the gym unless you’re an instructor that works there, or you’re explicitly asked. | nta. i don't know why you'd go over to a stranger at the gym who is doing one exercise, and tell them to doing something else that has a different effect | 1 |
9w2cyt | aita for not wanting my husband to pee in front of me? | on mobile. sorry for errors. so my dh and i have been married 6 years, together 8. we've always said we aren't ok with openly going to the bathroom in front of each other. tonight i was brushing my teeth and he knocked on the door. i told him to wait. he knocked again louder. i opened the door. he says "i have to pee" and barges in and goes to pee. i say "seriously, just wait!" and he refuses. i leave. he gets mad at me for "making this a thing". now, here's the kicker, we have a second bathroom. there is no reason for him to go into the bathroom i'm using to pee. when i asked why he did that he said "i didn't think it was a big deal". i responded by saying we had always said that wasn't something we did and asked why the fuck he thought it was suddenly ok. he just said "i was ready". um clearly i was not. i know this isn't the worst fucking thing but god dammit there is another bathroom and he could have at least asked me! now he's mad at me and saying i'm being mean and overreacting. maybe i am. idk. | nta | i mean nta. you have your boundaries. i generally don’t mind having my so pee in front of me if it’s a relatively long term relationship but you ahve your boundaries and he should respect them especially if you have a second bathroom | nta. understandable if it’s an emergency, but if there’s another bathroom in the house i have no idea why he couldn’t just use that one. | 12 |
9w2qjy | aita for considering to cut a friendship? | just changed to a new account to maintain anonymity, but over the last week i've considered cutting a close friendship entirely. i (27m) have been close friends with a 23f who has ancestry going back to greece and has strong left lean in politics, whereas i lean to the right on more subjects than not. for context we're both australian with my ancestry going back to ireland. i have been close friends with this lady for roughly two years and we've grown close, we've even made a pact to get married if neither of us find another partner in the next few years. that being said, we keep growing close and then splitting far apart. to keep it short, we went on a date over a year ago and i took her out to lunch at a greek food festival. she arrived \~40mins late and had eaten a heap of pizza at home prior to coming and made herself sick, so she didn't eat anything and spent the date complaining how sick she was. anyway, the big event came last week when we went out after work for a drink together and she was showing me her 'bumble' (online dating) account and saying she could never "swipe right" on anyone with conservative views, or anyone who looked "too anglo". ideally she wants a greek boy in order to be culturally relatable, but then said "white people have no culture" which i personally think is quite harsh to say that neither the australians or irish have no culture. continuing with that night, she insisted to see my tinder profile and was swiping through on my behalf and came across a german girl and she said "look, she's one of yours". i was lost for a second, but then she whispered "cause she's a nazi". previously we'd opted to ban talking about politics as she often gets mad when i justify my beliefs, but now and then it's almost like she can't help herself and brings it up anyway. in fairness, outside of politics we get along really well, but i feel like in this latest case it appears as though she has no respect for me given i am everything she seemingly dislikes - a white anglo and can't respect that i have different opinions in politics than her. we haven't spoken for a week, but i keep thinking, am i an asshole for considering cutting the friendship for this? | nta | agreeing to disagree is one thing, but insulting is another. if you don't feel good in someone's company, totally not the nta to want to cut the friendship. | nta, she definitely is | 3 |
9w341r | aita for not eating my girl friends vagina because it has too much discharge? | so recently my gf wants me to eat her pussy more often(i've done it before) but she's been on the nuvaring and it's making her produce thick lumpy white discharge. when i do try it gets in my mouth etc. also the last time i did i got a soar throat infection. she says that she wants me to like eating her out as much as she likes sucking my dick, however it's not eating her out i don't like, it's just the taste of the thick lumpy discharge. | nta | nta. but she should probably see a doctor about that | nta, you shouldn't feel obligated to perfrom something that makes you uncomfrotable/you don't feel like doing. also thick and lumpy discharge might mean yeast infection, get that checked out! (i have some discharge too,idk, i personally feel weird with my boyfriend eating me out, he is okay with it and my gynetologyst has told üe it's natural) | 44 |
9w3bq4 | aita for not wanting to visit my mentally abusing step mother? | ill try and make this short as possible without leaving anything out. my biological mother passed away from cancer when i was 9 and my brother was 7. before my mother getting sick and her passing, she divorced my father and he remarried. now i dont know if something happened between my mother and my step mother, but she would almost refuse to let me and my brother to see her before her passing. my father would just blow it off and take her side. fast forwarding a few years i found out she was lying about all of this to her son. telling him that she would always talk mad shit about her and her son (my step brother). she would not invite my mothers side of the family to graduation parties, school band concerts, sports games, because she didnt want the "drama" and other things such as that. i am now 20 years old and in the military overseas. i have no intention of staying home on leave, i told her that i am going to stay in a hotel while at home, kind of playing it off. but i know she knows why i am not going to stay at home on leave. and is questioning why. my brother is also backing my decision. as he plans to get out of the house soon to get away from her. she would not send pictures to anyone on my mothers side of the family of us growing up. this made them feel like they did something wrong, and made me and my brother feel like we were nothing. we were constantly scared to say anything in that house, due to the fact that she would scream at us and bring something up about my mother and how im "just like her." we were afraid to speak up for or about anything, even scared to ask whats for dinner. my father is also talking to me and my brother about the possibility of splitting because he feels that she is taking advantage of him. she quit her job to stay at home, makes him buy her cigs and other stupid shit that she should work for herself and pay for. i feel like an asshole for not visiting, but i dont want all those bad memories coming back. i have no intention on even seeing her. | nta | nta, she is a horrible person. you have the right of not seeing her and she deserve that. | nta whatsoever. she's a bitch and doesn't deserve your time. | 8 |
9w3fv4 | aita for dumping all of my mental problems on my friend constantly? | (obligatory throwaway account disclaimer.) i have a lot of mental health problems (depression, anxiety, gender dysphoria, etc) and over the past couple of days or so they’ve gotten bad to the point where i’m pretty much constantly in danger of overdosing or offing myself in some other way. (please don’t offer sympathy or whatever, that’s not what this is about) for the most part i’ve been keeping my brain in check by bombarding one of my close friends with all of the suicidal shit for multiple hours a day, and it’s kinda been the only thing keeping me going. i feel terrible for wasting all of her time with all of my stupid problems though, especially since she’s the only one who really knows how bad i’ve gotten recently because i’m too scared to tell my parents or my therapist about it and know that i don’t deserve people’s sympathy or assistance. i wish that i never told her about how bad i am so she wouldn’t have to deal with it, but now that i have the cat’s out of the bag so to speak and it won’t go back in. i’ve had thoughts about lying about getting better and then slowly stopping replying to messages in an effort to get her to stop worrying about me, because it feels like i’m a huge burden and that i’m never gonna get better and feel actual happiness anyway, so there’s no point in dragging people down to my level. i know she says that she wants to help and that she cares about me, but i can’t believe that another person honestly cares about me and i just want to let her not have to worry about me anymore. do you guys agree that it would be a good idea for me to cut myself out of her life so i won’t be an issue anymore? hoping for genuine honesty here, please none of the “i’m sure she cares about you” shit. | nta | > please none if that "i'm sure she cares about you" bullshit nta. from personal experience, i get this feeling. depression is a corruption that robs you of your ability to register the fact that people do care about you and that you are worth something in their eyes. why else would they allow you to do this in the first place if they weren't okay with it? someone who doesn't care would dissociate from you or tell you to tone it down (again, experience). > i'm too scared to tell my therapist about it don't be. their job is to help you and there is no reason that you don't deserve sympathy and assistance because you haven't done anything to deny yourself that. don't cut yourself out of her life because that's when she'll really get worried. it sounds to me that you came to reddit to justify offing yourself, but none of us here want that to happen because you haven't done anything. regardless of what you feel, you are worthy of help and your friend recognizes that. | nta!!! you're not an asshole for seeking support from her. please don't cut yourself out. i've been in this exact situation as your friend here. i have a trans online friend who also had similar mental health problems as well as financial and family issues. back when we spoke more frequently, she poured so much to me. i can understand what you mean by burden, and i felt that. every time we talked, it was always heavy and negative but i never blamed her for it. i was happy to listen to her and just be there whenever she needed to talk. if anything, i felt bad because i wish i could do more to help her than just offer words as we lived on opposite sides of the country. this friend of mine did find happiness. although she's still struggling to get back into university, she found someone who accepts and loves her. she's been doing a lot better now and i feel glad for her. if she cut herself out of my life, i would feel even more worried and wonder if she was okay. it would bother me for a long time, and if she actually ended her life, it will probably haunt me forever. that i failed her as a friend. your online friend might not know what happens to you if you disappear from her life, but the thought of such a possibility will definitely hang over her head. | 5 |
9w3o4k | aita, for kicking someone out of my life completely? | so, i had been seeing this guy for about three months. we didn’t make anything official, but we were constantly with each other. there was a spark there, and i was falling pretty hard. well a couple days ago he gives me the typical “i just wanna be friends, i don’t want anything right now.” which was fine, i was upset but whatever. i’d like to also add that he had lead me on pretty hardcore, we were doing couple things for the last few months. he even told me that he was falling in love with me. okay, well last night some news had gotten back to me. so, my best friend’s sister used to see him too (we are in a small town, so dating someone that has dated someone you know is pretty common). so, my best friend came to hangout with me and spilled some beans. so shit dick (the main guy i’m talking about) messaged her sister. nothing big, i’m not the jealous type. well, she had asked “don’t you have a girlfriend?” before anything had been said about not wanting a relationship with me he had told her “no, not anymore.” well, ultimately i was pretty upset because i feel betrayed. so, i told him to come get his shit and get out of my life. i’ve since blocked him from everything and don’t plan on speaking to him. tl;dr: i was being lead on for three months, and the person who lead me on decides to message a girl he had be seeing and kept me a secret. so i told him to get the hell out of my life. | nta | nta he hurt you and seeing him would make you feel terrible. it makes sense to cut him away from your life | nta. who tf says “i’m falling in love with you” and then immediately runs away? | 16 |
9w3ont | aita for how i handled this situation between 2 ex-friends? | ppl involved: me: white gay guy, questioning gender but w/e, gay guy for all intents & purposes friend 1: biracial hetero (possibly bisexual?) woman friend 2: white pansexual woman \*disclaimer\* i'm aware this whole situation is relatively petty and messy but want to see if there's anything i could have done differently be me. meet friends 1 & 2 at party. perceive both as straight women at first & feel kinda tokenized by both of them (weird intrusive questions abt my sexuality from friend 2 and a lot of 'yaaas queen'ing from both) but get to know them over time & see past it. shortly after our friendship is formed i'm physically assaulted at a party by a guy they both know who is notorious for this type of thing. instead of calling cops (cause ew, no) i opt for a call out post online. friend 2 shares my post, friend 1 does not but blocks the guy (they used to be friends and still followed each other until then). i recover and we all keep hanging out & get to know each other more. learn both have been abused by men in the past, as have i, an unfortunate bonding point i tend to have w women. despite being vocal about social issues, both have their flaws. friend 1 seems to have some internalized racism but is conscious of it and working to unlearn it, friend 2 conversely seems to fetishize black ppl, as well as gay men and trans women and is super not self aware about it. i perceive both to have good hearts and choose to look past these flaws. seems we have a cute lil trio going. friend 1 starts dating white guy. i'm indifferent at first but friend 2 doesn't like him. apparently he'd said homophobic, racist, and misogynistic things on his twitter in the past (friend 2 searched key words and his username) and friend 2 calls friend 1's values into question for dating this guy. i didn't particularly like him, especially after learning of the things he said, but as far as my friendship w friend 1 went, i saw it as more of an issue of self respect than her condoning his behavior, as she would often vent to me about dumb things he would say. knowing of her past dating abusive men i didn't want to abandon her even if she continued to date him, so i remained her friend. friend 2 holds a benefit show for her disabled brother, friend 1 and i both attend but friend 1 leaves early because of emotional issues from dealing w her relationship and judgement from friend 2. friend 2 sees friend 1's early departure as selfish, cuts ties w her, but remains friends with me. things are ok for a while, some subtweeting from friend 2 causes friend 1 some anxiety but she eventually stops looking and things seem fine. about 6 months since friendship ended, friend 1 receives anon message that causes her distress, suspects it might be friend 2. i'm annoyed because i thought this beef was over. playing moderator, i calmly ask friend 2 if she sent the message. she gets offended i would even ask, cuts ties with me, says friend 1 is a horrible person who doesn't care about people, that i'm choosing them over her, and i'm ungrateful for her helping me in my time of need. is she right? aita? | nta | nta. friend one sounds kinda dumb for dating this guy but ultimately not a bad person. friend two seems crazy overreactive about stuff. if she would cut ties w you over asking her a question then i would just let it go | nta. friend 2 sounds like someone to be willing to let walk away from you :/ they aren’t willing to stick by you when it’s inconvenient or small conflicts arise. they aren’t taking your perspective on this and that’ll only lead to more problems in the future. | 3 |
9w3uw2 | aita for demanding a rescue take a foster dog back? | i volunteered for a shelter-less dog and cat rescue (read: animals were rescued and cared for entirely by foster parents, there was no central structure to house them in). i’m an experienced foster parent and took on a 3 year old male dog as a foster but told them i couldn’t keep him through the holidays because i travel with my resident dog. i pay for food, train at home with him, and shuttle him to and from all of the rescue’s adoption events and potential meet and greets. the rescue spends most of its time advertising the puppies and cats they have up for adoption but rarely post about my guy (and, because this rescue is shelter-less, social media is really the only way people hear about their adoptive dogs). as time goes by, the foster dog has more and more behavioral issues (crate breaking, marking, general destruction), and i ask that the rescue find somewhere else to place him. they tell me that all of their foster homes are full. i take my foster to obedience classes that i pay for, put tons of time into working with him, but things don’t get much better and he’s a constant source of stress. fast forward to early december when the rescue posts on social media congratulating themselves/thanking people because all but one of their animals (my foster) has been adopted out. i call pissed off and demand that they place my foster elsewhere, since all of their other foster homes are obviously open. they tell me again that no one else can take my guy but that “they’re working on it”. i’ve had this dog for six months now and the holidays are two weeks away. i tell them that if they don’t find a place for him by the end of the week i will leave him tied to the railing of the rescue coordinator’s house (empty threat, but they didn’t know that). magically by the end of the week, they find an adopter for him, and tell me they will no longer use me as a foster parent and cut all ties. suffice to say i wasn’t interested in working with them anymore either. aita, because i no longer wanted to devote my time and money to a volunteer position that wasn’t working out and that could have been resolved if the rescue was doing their job, advertising the dog and placing him elsewhere if his current placement wasn’t working out? | nta | nta. imo you pushed through longer then needed. it's suppose to be a temporary place for the dog half a year is more then enough time for them to find a replacement temp housing or someone to adopt. | so many shelters do that shit. advertise the cute dogs and puppies but not the “less desirable” ones. fuck them for doing that and making it really bad for that poor dog. nta | 65 |
9w3x72 | aita: for getting someone's car towed because they were illegally parked in a handicap space | okay this happened a while back and i caught some shit for it on my school's facebook page. i was on campus headed to get food in my mobility aid and my school has color coded parking.(red=residential, blue= disabled, white=faculty, green= student.) blue passes entitle you to every space on campus unless it's explicitly reserved for something else and even when a parking lot is reserved for an event you can tell the parking monitor to please move the blockade bc you need that spot thanks. anyway i saw a sports car with a residential pass and no handicap tag/plates parked ina spot that was explicitly signaled as exclusively a handicapped space so not just in a lot only disabled people or the faculty was allowed to park in. i posted on the school page first to give them a chance to move their car before i reported it and when it didn't get moved i reported it and i got blown off by one of the parking monitors who said she'd try to find who's car it was so i reported it to someone higher up and the car got towed. i got a lot of shit from people once someone else mentioned that the car had been towed on my post line "well karma and it was none of your business." and "you probably just seriously ruined someone's day." so am i the asshole, reddit? | nta | nta. if a person driving a sports car felt that his/her day was ruined after getting towed for parking illegally in an hc space, they're an entitled fucking price of shit. also, someone in need of that parking space could actually have had their day ruined. | nta if they parked illegally then you are not the asshole here | 68 |
9w4srd | wibta for reporting the amazon delivery person for driving through our yard? | we recently installed security cameras and i got a motion alert that showed the amazon delivery person driving through our yard and our neighbors yard to turn around in her driveway. we have a long driveway and it is a pain in the ass to turn around. i know that it’s not a big deal, but our neighbor is an older woman and she gets upset about these things. would i be the asshole for reporting it? i know some people depend on the income from this and i would hate for someone to potentially lose their job over it, although i doubt that would happen. but it does seem pretty rude and not something they should be doing. | nta | nope! nta. regardless of your reason for reporting, yards are not meant to be driven through. so if you want to report, do it. | is this even a question? nta | 18 |
9w4xhj | aita for laughing at a 'suicide attempt'? | using my throwaway because i'm pretty sure i'm about to be roasted. i had a long distance boyfriend. we were on and off for a couple of years from ages 15-17. yes. it's as cringey as it sounds. he was a year or so older than me and we were cringe. the relationship was blatantly toxic. i couldn't hang out with guy friends without him crying on the phone to me. big fits were thrown over me not being available all the time, if i was grounded and he couldn't reach me, if i was too busy to text.. and i put up with it because i thought he was the love of my young life and just troubled. he threatened multiple times to kill himself. i suffered from a couple mental disorders and he told me he did, too. so i would stay on the phone for hours trying to talk him down. this probably happened once every two or so months, sometimes more, for two years. well, one day i had enough of everything and left him - when he proposed to me. i realized that spending the rest of my life with this guy made me want to vomit and i ran for the hills. i'd been begging him ti get help for years and was always met with a million excuses. he did not handle it well, but i didn't care. i mailed his stuff back, wiped my hands clean of him, and moved on into another abusive relationship that was also chock full of threats and abuse. don't worry, i had a nice healthy relationship after that with a man i still regard fondly, and i'm also now married to the real love of my life. a few months after the breakup, i get a call from him. he's sobbing. i'm out with a friend, who later told me that my eyes rolled so far back in my head.. my ex told me he tried to kill himself. i lit up a cigarette and asked him why. he said he loved me, could never get over me, you know the drill. then he told me he tried to shoot himself with his mom's gun. the first words out of my mouth were "so how am i talking to you right now?" he told me he got the gun, went to his room, put it under his chin and pulled the trigger (all in great detail).. but the gun clicked and nothing happened. guys, he forgot to load the gun. i muted the call and laughed so hard that i couldn't breathe. he was still sobbing, my friend was really fucking curious about what was happening, and i was trying not to roll around in a dirty waffle house parking lot. years of proclaimed or obviously fake suicide threats and attempts just boiled down to "i forgot to load the gun." i still don't know if i believe him. i really don't. suicide is such a touchy subject for a damn good reason and questioning whether someone really wanted to die is very taboo. so. am i the asshole? | nta | nta man that sht had me laughing too | let's get roasted together, nta. i wouldn't have muted the phone to laugh. | 2 |
9w50g6 | aita for having a crush on my coworker? | okay so i'm married and i have a crush on my coworker. here's a little back story of my marriage: we have been together almost 3 years, got engaged after 7 months, married after about a year and a half. for our entire relationship, he's had crappy jobs and i've talked to him multiple times about trying to find something better. my mom is about to die from cancer and we recently had a major blowout. i told him i want him to stay in a hotel because i need to process my mom's death alone. he ended up punching our old tv screen until it was shattered and he caused a contusion in his hand. side note: a few months ago i started asking him about his resume and he would immediately change the subject. i made him sit down with me to edit his resume so i could apply to jobs for him because he wouldn't (even though i made it clear for months that i want him to find something better so we can save for our future). i kept applying for him and he wouldn't respond to the emails. after our blowout, him punching the tv and each of us yelling at each other, the next day he acted like nothing happened. i walked in and he runs up to me to give me a hug. he keeps talking about his feelings but he hasn't been there at all for me during this time with my mom. his mom had cancer when he was 6 and he was told she would pass (she didn't), but he's the least understanding person. i have a crush on my coworker because he's there for me more than my husband is. am i the asshole? | yta | as someone whose been in this situation (minus the extenuating things with your husband and mother), i was ta and yta if you act on these feelings (i.e cheat) you’re def nta just for having a crush. or having feelings. feelings are normal and all humans have them. some of these feelings may be tied to your home life situation, and would go away if that resolved. but i am just an internet stranger so can’t actually know for sure. | you're married you wanna go be with some other dude go do it yta | 5 |
9w539i | aita for snapping at and reporting a medical transport driver for listening to a graphic audiobook with clients in the car? | i should probably start this off by stating that i have ptsd from abuse. over the years, this has gradually turned into conversion disorder, where my mind dissociates and i go into a non-epileptic convulsive seizure. because of the seizures, i cannot drive, and so i rely on a non-emergency medical transport service to get to/from appointments so that my family isn’t stuck playing taxi. this particular company took over the old one a few years ago. i thought the old one was bad, it really was terrible, but this new company has turned me off to the point i am no longer using them and i’m just taking the bus instead. so this past thursday, the driver pulls up in a van with another client in the passenger. the door behind him opened and as i got in, i heard an audiobook playing and thought it was odd since most drivers just play music, but it’s whatever, to each their own. i get in the car, sign the log sheet, and we pull away from my house. i’m not paying much attention to the audiobook at first, since i had a lot on my mind and was trying to relax before my group therapy session. it wasn’t until we were halfway through my neighborhood that things from the audiobook started to catch in my ear, in the “did i really just hear that?” kind of way. i started to pay attention right as the narrator describes a scene where the man is abusing a black woman with a cheese grater, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her while a male narrator starts calling her a bitch and a n***** while he abuses her. i don’t feel triggered easily. i rarely heed trigger warnings because most stuff is relatively tame to me. but something about this, especially hearing a man’s voice saying those horrible things in a very violent, angry voice triggered me so bad that i was shaking and felt sick to my stomach. this was all before we even left my neighborhood, i had only been in the car less than five minutes and i could not sit in that car listening to that all the way across the other side of my city. i snapped and said, “what the fuck are we listening to?” he grabbed the audiobook case and handed it back to be and said, “it’s a novel”. i handed it back to him and said it’s extremely offensive and he needs to turn it off. he looked upset and shook his head but said okay then and turned it off. he then tried to explain the premise of the novel to me, but i said i didn’t care, there are things that are inappropriate to listen to when you have clients in your car. he shook his head again but not another word was said. not even the guy in the passenger seat said anything. as soon as i got out the car, i called the company to report him. i was shaking so bad that the operator asked if i was okay, and i said no. she asked what happened and as i told her she kept exclaiming, “oh my god!” didn’t help that she was a black woman. she transferred me to a manager, another black woman, who reacted the same as she took down an official report. they said they’ll contact me with an update when they have one. the longer i have thought about it, the more i’m worried that i may have overreacted and possibly took away a man’s livelihood because i felt triggered. i still think it was wrong to listen to that in the car, i’m just not sure i handled it correctly. aita? :( | nta | nta. nothing wrong with listening to novels like that, it’s ignorant to pretend stuff like that didn’t happen, but be professional, do it on your own time and not in front of clients. | nta. regards of your past, as a medical professional myself, this is unacceptable. if he were alone the whatever but transporting anyone while clocked in to any job really this sounds horrible | 8 |
9w5brq | aita for getting annoyed that my fiancé’s friend drank all of our booze? | so me and my fiancé went on a week long trip and asked one of his friends to stay at our house for the week to watch our cat. we told him he doesn’t have to sleep there every night but at least a few nights and just feed the cat. he said he doesn’t mind sleeping at our place every night cuz it’s closer to his job, cool. he’s watched our cat before when we went on shorter 2-3 day trips, and we always pay him. we offered him $150 for the week, which i know doesn’t sound like a lot but he’s a friend of my fiancé and really all he had to do was feed the cat, we weren’t asking for anything crazy. also, i’d like to add i’ve never met this friend for more than 2 minutes. he works at the same place as my fiancé and they don’t really hang out outside of work, so i’ve only met him in passing when visiting my fiancé at work. anyway, i left him a note telling him to feed her wet food in the morning, dry food at night. i also told him a few other things in the note (the code to the house, how to lock the front and back door, etc) and i ended it with saying “feel free to use our fridge and help yourself to what’s in the fridge!” we come back from our week long trip and first of all i notice all the wet food is gone and none of the dry food is, meaning he either read the note and didn’t care what i said or didn’t read the note. i opened the fridge and all the booze is gone, i open the freezer and all the booze is gone. we had a bunch of expensive and nonexpensive beer in the fridge, two bottles of vodka in the freezer (one that i used for cooking), a bottle of white wine, and a bottle of rum. overall it was probably $150 worth of booze. he drank it all. literally all of it. now, normally i would just think hey this guy sucks. but in the note i did say help yourself. however i was always taught that was more of like....just a nice thing to say. yes certainly i can have a few things, but if i was staying at someone’s house and getting paid to do it, and they said help yourself to what’s in the fridge, there’s no way i’d drink all their booze. tldr: fiancés friend was catsitting while we were abroad for a week, i left a note saying help yourself to what’s in the fridge and he drank all $150 or so of our booze. am i the asshole for being annoyed? | nta | nta. he took advantage of your kindness while also being an asshole for not correctly providing the service that he agreed to get paid for. cut this person out of your lives. | nta. you said help yourself, not "please finish every single bottle of alcohol that we have." plus, he didn't even follow the instruction on how to feed your cat. have you talked to him since? | 10 |
9w5gna | aita for saying no to a friend who just now, 2 weeks later asked if i could pay them money for giving me a ride when i got locked out of my car ? | kinda long so bare with me two weeks ago my boyfriend and i got locked out of his car at walmart. we thankfully ended up running into his friends who is another couple. my bf asked if they were busy and if they could take us to go get a spare key at his mom house and he would smoke them up they said sure. it was a 30 minute ride there and back and we thanked them and smoked them up. now two weeks later one of them message my bf and was asking for money for the ride they gave us. my bf replied that he thought him smoking them up is what they said and one of them replied “ no... he barely even did any.. and it wasn’t very much either “ then said how she thought we were giving them money for driving us. then went on to mention that even 1/8th is 30$ ?? i told my bf to not give them any money because they didn’t ask once nor even indicated paying them for the ride and haven’t said anything until now about it two weeks later. so am i the asshole ? should we pay them back for the ride and apologize ? | nta | nta for not wanting to pay. they should have said something straight up. plus you smoked them up. and why wait 2 weeks to ask for the money?? nta if you don’t want to pay/don’t pay them. i would though just to get that over with, then cut connections with them. | nta and 99% sure they want money to buy drugs | 4 |
9w5ki2 | aita for not wanting to share my food with my girlfriend? | my girlfriend (20f) and i (25f) are living in an apartment together and have been for a few months now. when i first moved in, i had to travel very far from where i lived with no job set up and a couple hundred in savings. i ended up not being able to find gainful employment, working odd jobs and bad hours for some time. for a while i had so little money i ate either rice and beans for a few days or did not eat at all. i did not ask her directly for food, but i did complain about the lack of it i had been eating. she fed me a handful of times, always choosing to buy me take out from a pricey restaurant, when i would have accepted any meal from anywhere. i figured she should have bought food from the grocery store and made it or have me make it because it would have been cheaper, but i kept my mouth closed because beggars can't be choosers, right? eventually i found good, steady work, but not before i had to have her front me 2 months worth of rent, to pay my half. last month, i finished paying her back, so we are even, but now our situation has changed a little. ​ she has started going to school, and is going full time while also trying to working part time. i say trying, because despite setting an alarm for 6 or 7 every morning to go to work before school, she turns off the alarm and goes to sleep until about 9am when she will then get up and get ready for school and skip work altogether (she is not in danger or losing her job, her bosses know the situation and are ok with her not showing up). because of this lack of work, she is now struggling financially and often cannot afford to feed herself a healthy and stable diet, since she spends what little money she has on juul pods (and often a new juul, too, because she loses them so frequently), cigarettes and gas for school and work. she also is planning on asking me to pay her half of the rent this month, meaning she would later owe me money (we've already discussed this and i agreed it makes sense, because we do have to pay rent) ​ the problem i have been having is that she often eats the food i buy (she always asks first but i have a hard time saying no) and i will often buy food for a meal, cook it for myself intending it to be my meal for a few days so i can save money, but she will eat that, too. my problem is, i am making myself a pot roast tonight and i spent quite a bit of money on the materials (chuck roast is pricey) and i was hoping to be able to eat the whole thing over a few days. i preemptively asked her to not eat any of it, because its a nice treat for myself and it cost some money. she got a little upset and said its fair, but wishes i would share with her because she would share with me if i were in that situation. aita for standing my ground and not sharing? ​ sorry for the very long post. happy to answer any questions to clarify any parts. | yta | oh boy, so because she shared food the wrong way, buying you expensive takeout rather than a weeks worth of groceries, which is a money management issue, not a generosity issue. you're going to basically tell her "watch me eat this food while you go hungry" rather then talk to her about "hey i don't have any food and while i appreciate the takeout, it would be really helpful if we got some groceries" because your ok with living with her, ok will hinting "buy me food" ok with her fronting your rent ok with fucking her but not ok with having an honest conversation. let me guess because you only hinting that you needed food, all the food she bought you was a gift and there is no obligation to reciprocate (you're right legally not morally) yta and you're not mature enough to have an adult conversation with your co-habiting gf. which means your not mature enough to have a live-in gf. the budgeting issue your gf has are real and very important but money management can be taught a core character issue like selfishness is much harder to address. | yta carry on like this and she is sure to leave when her circumstances allow. hope the pot roast is worth it. damn i bet most people wish that a pot roast was the center of their problems. | 15 |
9w64ok | aita for asking my girlfriend to stop being friends with someone | my girlfriend a while ago on a night out was nearly kissed by a work colleague who she sees as a friend. she defended him constantly by excusing his actions as just being drunk but she would always remain on his side and never mine. a while ago she messaged me saying she might like him but is still in love with me she chopped this up to just being upset due to a prior fallout and being confused. today, i said to her i don't want her to be friends with him anymore as i can't stand the thought of them hanging out fine after all the stress they have caused us. i know she would never cheat on me but am i letting my insecurities get the best of me and acting in a controlling manner. she has other friends of the opposite gender and this does not bother me as they haven't acted out as this one. just confused on where i stand as the asshole in the situation or not. | nta | nta. she said she straight up has feelings for him, and that he's tried to make a move on her. it's 100% reasonable for you to be wary of the situation and want her to stop seeing him for your relationship. | nta, but be mad careful how you broach the subject with her. it's a trap, mate. while you have every right to be uncomfortable with her having feelings for this dude, and him proving he's willing to make a move on her (alcohol or no), there are very very few situations where telling someone else who they can be friends with ends up with you not being the asshole. best advice i can offer is just to be really up front about how you're seeing the situation and the effect it's having on you, focus on behaviours that are exacerbating it, try to avoid being blame-y, be open to compromise, etc. lot of pit-falls on this one my dude, but ynta. | 1 |
9w64ua | aita for not wanting to get married yet? | hi guys, me and my girlfriend have been going out for little over 4 months. i really feel a connection with her and would go so far as to say i really love her as she does me. about a month into the relationship, she said we should get married immediately, i mean she wanted us to literally go to vegas and get married romeo and juliet style, no family or friends and we will tell people after when we feel comfortable. i told her that i want to marry her but i want to wait, there are things i would like to sort out first i.e moving into together as we both still live at home with parents and i would also like to save money and give her the wedding she deserves, not just a cheap vegas style wedding with an elvis impersonator reading our vows in front of some random people. now today i told her that i want to be with her forever and i love her, we are going on holiday in a few months and she turned around and said’ “why don’t we get married on holiday”? to which i responded with what i usually say like it’s too soon, we haven’t even moved in together yet. now she isn’t talking to me, am i the asshole? | nta | nta, don’t get married so soon | nta. most people don't get married until a year of dating. she seems more in love with the idea of getting married on a whim, than being married. | 5 |
9w65wn | aita for getting mad at my sister for (somewhat directly) causing my puppy to pee on the floor? | we have two very young puppies who are not yet potty trained. we are reaching them to go outside by picking up every morning and immediately bringing them outside. they always go to the bathroom as soon as they are let out of the room where we keep them at night, so this is pretty effective. i told her that she couldn’t put the dog down for a second because he will pee on the floor. i brought my dog outside and he went to the bathroom as expected, but i turned around and she had put the dog down (inside) and he peed on the floor. she said that she had to put the dog down because she wanted to “put on her coat” instead of simply admitting that she made a mistake. she kept coming up with excuses instead of just a little “my bad”. | yta | yes, who cares it’s just a little pee. yta | did she clean it up? if she did then yta. she fucked up sure, and she doesn't have to admit it if she cleaned it up. if she didn't then she's ta. | 1 |
9w6gyj | aita for feeling resentment over a gift? | now i too roll my eyes at the spoilt, bratty people who complain about gifts "not being good enough" in r/relationships- i am not looking for advice, more of a reality check. my husband is kind but a bit oblivious at times. yesterday he took over the eight year old laptop of his sister and saw that the charger cable and battery pack were missing. with a smile he told me that replacing those two items would be my "christmas presents". meanwhile he gifts himself an €800 graphic card for his gaming pc. frankly i would rather not receive anything. aita for feeling ungrateful? | nta | that's a pretty shit gift tbh. nta for feeling ungrateful. there are decent gifts and then there's an 8-year-old laptop that's going to be pretty trash, that's just regifting. | nta, tell him to stop being selfish | 34 |
9w6i8t | aita for been pissed off with my now ex girlfriend because i worked unpaid to see her more despite her not asking me to? | me and my now ex girlfriend lived over an hour away, we would always say how we wished we could see each other more so i spoke to my boss about getting more holiday, we came to an agreement that if i did some hours unpaid i could have the holiday i wanted (i work for a small construction firm) i didn’t tell her because i wanted to surprise her for the holidays, we ended up breaking up about a month ago and one of the reason been distance, she says she doesn’t have time and i got pissed off because i told her i didn’t have time with work so i made time for her. she told me that it’s my fault for getting pissed off and doing that because she never asked me to and she called me the asshole for trying to put this on her (i obviously had less time for her with all the unpaid extra work) and try make her feel guilty. i’m not asking for judgement about her reasons for ending it, it’s more about the holiday i built up just for her, i feel like she was really unappreciative of what i did for her, i just want an outside opinion on the situation. | yta | yta. she didn't ask you to do shit, and you're putting it on her because you chose to work unpaid. you can be annoyed all you want, just not with her, or your boss, only with yourself. | yeah she hit the bullseye, yta, honestly just get over it and leave the girl be now, what's done is done. | 12 |
9w7385 | aita: complimented a girl at a party that was wearing a led zeppelin t-shirt and she went off on me because of jimmy page's relationship with underage groupie lori mattix. | led zeppelin is one of my favorite rock bands and there was a girl with a cool led zep t-shirt at a party. i complimented her on the shirt and told her led zep is one of my favorite bands and she became infuriated because jimmy page had a relationship with an underage groupie (lorrie mattix). i did know about this, but i sorta try to separate that from their music. am i the asshole here? why would she even wear the shirt if she is so deeply affected by this? | nta | if she was gonna be shitty about someone liking a band tee shirt... maybe she needed to not be fuckin' wearing it? that's some bullshit, yo. you are -hella- nta. she's ta. | nta. the girl is a fucking twat for wearing the shirt and bitching at you for complimenting the shirt. you don't need people like that in your life. | 186 |
9w7hkz | aita when i get upset when people try to thank me for my "service" | to preface, i don't have any service. i went to navy boot camp for 2 weeks, then got separated for suicidal ideation and was sent home. with today being veterans day, a couple people said it to me (maybe slightly jokingly?) and i've had a few others thank me in the past. every time it happens, i feel shitty for it. i'm always like "but i don't have any. i'm not a veteran, i screwed up." today i ordered an ice cream at work, and my coworker gave me it for free, which i assume was for the veterans day promotional thing we're doing (1 free ice cream for veterans). i did try to hand him my card, but he just said "okay" and walked away. for the next 10 minutes or so i sat in my car crying because of getting a free ice cream i didn't earn, while eating said ice cream. i know you might be thinking this is a joke, because of how dumb it sounds, but i do really feel conflicted. like i'm getting some sort of stolen valor or something. edit 2: "why does everyone at your job know that you went to boot camp?" a few reasons, 1) i was told that i have to disclose it in my interview (for tax reasons or something, i don't remember exactly why). 2) there's not too many other interesting things to know about me. 3) i worked with an army veteran, and it was something non-work related that we could relate on. 4) it's a small place, everyone hears about everything. 5) it gets mentioned in conversation for one reason or another. like "why'd you start working here?" | nta | you’re the absolute opposite of an asshole. you feel sorry that you’re inadvertently taking advantage of a system rigged in your favor. that’s not ah behavior. nta friend. anything but. 10 hours later, and my karma is sixfold. thanks 23 hours later, and my karma is 11 times higher. thanks | nta. thank you for your commitment to honesty. | 4,946 |
9w7olq | aita for repeatedly calling out a coworker for gross personal habits? | we work in an office setting in a small building. our job duties require us to share some of the computers/workstations - not ideal, but necessary given the specialized software/hardware we use. i occasionally share a workspace with a coworker we'll call dave. dave is a nice enough guy. dave, however, has some serious personal hygiene issues. he smokes like a chimney (and smells like it) and constantly has a "smoker's cough" and sneezes 2-3x per hour. whenever he sneezes, he sneezes into his hands and will not wash them before then touching shared equipment (keyboard, mouse, etc.) if we have food catered, he will eat over the equipment and then lick his fingers before then touching the equipment. there are other examples but i think you get the idea. again, this is on a daily basis. ​ i have to share a workstation with this guy and i find this behavior disgusting. i am the only one who has to use this workstation with him. other coworkers will witness him doing this and make faces or laugh, but because it's not "their workstation", no one cares enough to say something. management doesn't care unless he were to actually break something, which he hasn't done. i have said something to him to please clean up/stop every single time i see him do this, as i am often seated just feet away and i can watch him working. despite my revulsion, i began by asking politely. he responded politely at first, as well. however, this behavior has continued for months, and i have become less and less polite each successive time. it has gotten to the point that the issue is starting to affect our working relationship. he now responds sarcastically and acts like i am being an asshole for asking him not to lick his fingers and then touch our shared keyboard. i have taken to carrying purell wipes over to the workstation and wiping everything down before using it and avoiding contact with him. so, aita? | nta | nta he sounds rather annoying, his habits should change but sounds like they wont | nta! the only way i could see him stopping is embarrassing him at this point. maybe make it a point to put latex gloves and a mask on when you use the workspace. | 3 |
9w7rbc | aita for not wanting any contact with my uncle? | obligatory apologies for formatting, i'm on mobile my uncle has been clean from meth for about 18 years now, but a few weeks ago he had a major episode that he's just now coming down from. a variety of circumstances triggered this, but the main two were his mother (my grandmother) dying, and having to move out of the senior park he's lived in for years as her full time caretaker. during his episode he showed up at our house multiple times threatening us though he never came inside, and caused us to be scared for our safety now that he's mostly down from this trip and acting normal and sane again, my family expects me to be fine interacting with him again but the thought of being in the same room with him makes me panicky and i don't think i'll be able to get over this anytime soon tldr: am i an asshole for not wanting to be around my uncle now that he's off his meth trip? | nta | nta it’s perfectly reasonable for people to steer clear of drug addicts, ‘reformed’ or otherwise. but wondering why uncle (in title) changed to brother (in tl;dr)? | definitely nta. it’s on him to rebuild the relationship not you. | 3 |
9w84ep | wibta for making someone come to me to get their watch back? | i went on a couple dates with a guy almost a year ago. after the second date, he accidentally left his apple watch behind at my house. i texted him to hang out a couple more times, but he kept avoiding me, and eventually he just ghosted. i texted him several times over the course of a few months asking if he wanted the watch back, and he just never responded. ​ last week he texts me out of the blue asking if i have his watch, and i say i do. then he asks if we can meet for coffee in the city or if i can mail it to him. frankly, i'm irritated that i should have to travel 45+ minutes or go on a whole errand to the post office after this guy ghosted me; he clearly didn't even want the apple watch that much, since he didn't bother getting it back for almost a year, even when i tried multiple times to reach out. he just completely ignored me instead. ​ i've ignored his last text so far and i'm thinking of replying "if you want to come by my place some time when i'm home, you can pick it up." wibta? | nta | nta you made a good faith attempt to return it and were ignored. let him do the legwork. | nta, you made a reasonable effort for a long time. if you wanted to make a nice gesture, he could send you the money it would cost to mail it to him, but if just tell him to come to you and get it really. | 5 |
9w84v9 | aita for not tipping my pizza deliverer for delivering early | (this is in the uk where tipping isn't an expected ot mandatory thing, but i like to anyway as someone who used to work in hospitatility and knows how nice an extra fiver can make you feel) partner and i were sat in a pub less than 10 mins from home watching the rugby last night. a few drinks in and knowing we're gunna be heading home and hungry soon i order pizza for delivery at 9:15pm. we leave the pub at 9pm and precisely 6 minutes into the walk home (i checked) and about a minute away from the house we get a call from my partners disabled mum asking us if we'd ordered pizza because the driver was at the door. she had been in bed due to having had a bad health week and was then quite irritated with us for the inconvenience. now i'm normally happy as larry if my food arrives at an earlier time than anticipated but this specifically bugged me, mainly because we'd ordered the food intentionally for this time instead of the general asap. as we walked up the path to my partners house the delivery lad was walking down and made a joke about how we should wait till we get home to order pizza. aita for a) not tipping him, and b) getting annoyed at the comment he made? | nta | they have no idea why they weren't tipped. a "sorry, i thought i ordered it for 915 when we would be already back" let's him know he was wrong and there was a communication error somewhere in the chain of you telling the person on the phone telling him it was a time-specific order. my opinion, nta, but won't help further mistakes like this. | if you scheduled specifically for 9:15, then you're nta. if you didn't specify and just assumed when it was gonna be there, then you're kind of an asshole. | 5 |
9w88on | aita for yelling at my autistic friend? | i have a friend (though, more of an acquaintance) in my group that has relatively high-functioning autism. he can be fun company most of the time, but he has this fixation with height. he's very proud of his own height (6'1) and loves to jokingly bring it up a lot - like pointing out how much taller he is than other people, or how short other people are in general, in a kind of gleeful way. he does this pretty constantly. we mostly just act amused by it, though it can get a bit tired. i have achondroplastic dwarfism, and i'm only 4ft tall as a result. i've gotten to a point were i'm content with my height, and i'm pretty relaxed about it. but, as you can imagine, my friend is all over this. he likes pointing out how short i am, or how i need to do things differently (like getting on chairs to reach things and such) but it has never crossed the point that i've found it offensive. i've just found it mildly irritating and a bit awkward. so i've never vocalised feeling uncomfortable about it. the other day, i was heading to a lecture (that my friend was also going to), but i had missed the memo that the room had been changed, and that the lecture was taking place at the other end of the building. my friend, seeing an opportunity, comes up behind me (in the middle of the busiest corridor) cheerfully saying *"oh no you don't!"* as if i was a misbehaving child, and yanks me off my feet, starting to carry me in the opposite direction. everyone is staring and i feel my face flush red with humiliation. i *hate* being picked up, let alone without any warning. something snaps and i twist myself out of his grip, making him drop me, and i turn around, losing my shit. "what the fuck! don't *ever* do that!...the fuck is *wrong* with you!?" he looks nonplussed, and starts stuttering a defence about me going the wrong way. i don't listen and i storm off. i sit on the other side of the room during the lecture and avoid seeing him for the rest of the day. his girlfriend (and our mutual friend) comes to me later in the day telling me he's sorry, but suggests to me that i overreacted, and that he didn't mean any harm. am i an asshole for snapping at him like that? i'm thinking i should have set clearer boundaries beforehand, and expressed that i don't like people picking me up. i was really fucking mad at him, and i know he was just trying to make a joke. but..yeah. i feel kind of bad about how intense i was. it went 0 to 100 pretty fast. | nta | i would say your nta, but you should probably explain your reaction to him. not that you owe him that, he wronged you, but he might honestly have not understood what you meant & why exactly. it would be worth discussing it in my opinion though. | nta and i’d go as far as to say a little anger his way from a place of caring may be a good thing. imagine if he said some similar joking insult to "the wrong person on the wrong day" and that person didn’t know/care he was autistic? just as important as us taking into account his disability is he understanding that others can be disabled too and he may need to take that into account. | 79 |
9w8988 | aita for not going to my mom’s second wedding? | some backstory. my mom has been dating this guy for about four years. her and my dad have been divorced for over ten years so no issues with that. however, she told me she was engaged three days ago and was having her wedding today. i live three hours away with my fiancé and did not want to drive all the way there for a half an hour “ceremony” which was going to take place in her living room just to turn around and drive three hours back. the wedding is taking place at night and all my family was busy before hand so there was no one to even visit with before the wedding. she is upset at me but she needed to tell me more time in advance to possibly get off work on monday. all my other siblings live within five minutes of her so she just never considered my distance and just assumed i’d make the trip. aita? | nta | nta you're mom should assume everyone's life should be moved around because she failed to properly plan ahead and make proper arrangements. politley explain that you needed more time in advance to work your schedual around it then offer in a week or so to come down and have dinner to celebrate her new marriage. | nta. wedding invitations should be given with at least a month of anticipation so as to give the guest the chance to rsvp. your mother has failed to do this. don't worry about it; there probably wouldn't have been cake anyway. | 110 |
9w8cyv | aita for being upset about how my dad uses his battle buddies death for favors? | i know the title seems really inflammatory, but thats the best i can describe it. he was a ranger back in desert storm, and from what he told me about his military service, it was highly decorated and very colorful in the 4 years he was in. however, one of the things i've observed him do ever since he became comfortable with talking to people about his experience is using it to sway people into his direction or to garner favor from it. one example i can think of is when he was talking to an employee at an optometry shop (hes extremely charismatic, so it isnt necessarily awkward) about his combat experience and went into great detail on his final mission that got his buddy killed and him wounded. it netted him an employee discount instead of a military discount and he was extremely happy with the final result, bragging to me when we got back to the car "isnt that great? your dad knows how to seal the deal" or something to that effect. he also used this during our custody battle when i was in middle school to garner favor from the judge, which, while it was beneficial for my growing up, i dont feel it was appropriate for the context of the situation (a custody battle) nor was that necessary to mention. he's done this multiple times, and while i know he values and cares for the men he served with, it feels really crappy to me that he uses their deaths for monetary gain and personal favor. if it helps any, i'm a currently transitioning soldier who hasn't ever deployed (i was stationed at suwon ab in korea for a year, but that's not all that much) so i feel i have a little bit better of understanding on why he would do this, but i also do acknowledge that combat and ptsd isnt something i'm aware of, and in that this may be a thing i should just accept and move on from, for i will probably never know what it is like to go through what he went through. | nta | nta it's one thing to be open about your feelings about a friend's death, but taking advantage of another person's sacrifice is awful. | nta your dad is. | 2 |
9w8kyl | aita for getting upset that my friend choose another friend over me to hang for their birthday. | one of my best friends celebrated their birthday this weekend. last week she invited me to spend it with her and her boyfriend and a few mutual friends. i did not know who said friends were until friday. it was a group i didn’t see eye to eye with. i knew that they didn’t want to hang with me and probably threatened not to hang if i were to show up. come the day of her birthday she doesn’t text me any plans. when i eventually text her she gets dodgey with answering questions about these plans when she finally started to budge and imply i could hang i felt like she didn’t mean it so i sent a petty text saying “this just sounds like bad vibes i’m not coming” idk how to continue and if i am allowed to be mad on her birthday. | nta | nta. she’s not obligated to spend time worth you on her birthday. otoh, this sounds like a toxic dynamic with you consistently being the third wheel. i would get some new friends. | nta. however, if there's a legitimate safety reason (like this group will cause physical harm if you come), she shouldn't let them come. otherwise, the other group is being demanding and unreasonable. | 7 |
9w8l9c | aita for not wanting to dance with a certain girl in my school musical? | **tldr at the bottom** some notes before i begin: * i am 16m and in 11th grade. * i am not comfortable in holding other people's hands, being close to someone i don't know too well, etc. * i have asperger's, so i am relatively introverted. note that i am high functioning, and most probably don't notice it until i say that i am, to which they say, "makes sense!" (i am not offended by this) * despite what is stated above, i like doing theater... granted, this is my first *school* show. so at my school, there's a musical that i am currently in. i'm a "chorus boy", so i basically act as a stage prop in the background until i actually do things like dance or maybe even sing. then we get to a girl that i will name susie (not actual name). susie is a freshman that has some tendencies that i think are odd. she gets obsessed with other people or other things pretty frequently, she constantly gets absurdly close (literal sense) to other people (especially guys, but they're fine with it sometimes), she's a bit loud, and she randomly scowls at other people, although i'm not sure if it's intentional. one thing i should expand upon is susie's "obsession" with other people: i don't think it's really so much of an obsession as much as it is a joke obsession that susie herself treats a little *too* seriously, but other girls in this class will tell her something like, "oh, i think john doe has a crush on you", and she'll run up to john, hug him, call him her boyfriend, and etc. this "boyfriend" changes every single day. most of the guys find this more amusing than anything else, and susie is kind of like the "mascot" of theater class, as everyone seems to like her... except for *me.* i have never been openly rude to her before, and none of the other girls say anything to susie about me (at least, i don't think), and i don't plan on being rude to her, i just don't want to hang around her. now to the actual story. there's a slow dance portion in the musical, and everyone in the musical *has* to participate in it, no exceptions. as i've stated, i am uncomfortable near/touching other people, but this slow dance portion was not much more than holding hands, having the girl's hand on the guy's shoulder while the guy has it above their hip, and touching cheeks. i'd gladly bear through it for the sake of being a "chorus boy", though, and the dance isn't that long. so when the teacher was calling on people to pair them up, there were very few people left. she called me up and asked me if i had a preference, and i said no. she then asked if i minded being with susie, and i, forgetting who susie was, said that i didn't mind. the teacher then called susie up, told her to go get her dance shoes, and then dismissed her to go get the shoes. i made an awkward wincing expression after susie left, and the teacher asked me again if i minded having susie as a partner. i paused for a few moments and said that i *did* mind, and that i was sorry and hoped i wasn't being rude. the teacher then called on a senior girl to be my partner, and that's about where the story ends. my main concern is if i was the a-hole for turning her down, even if i didn't do it in front of her face. the sole reason why i turned her down was because i was uncomfortable with her tendencies. **tldr** * there's a slow dance portion at my school play * i hate being close to people and am awkward around people * there's a girl that likes being close to other people and have "obsessions" with other boys, typically due to other girls having fun with her * while the teacher was pairing people for the slow dance, i asked to switch with a different girl when i was selected to dance with her. she allowed me to swap. | nta | nta for not wanting to, but as someone who's done theatre for a long time, if you want to get more (and larger) parts, you have to deal with not liking the people you're acting with. | nta, but remember, you're acting. your character is dancing, not you. hope that makes it a little easier. 🙂 | 4 |
9w8y6y | aita for not sending my ex back the rent money he paid? | long story short: my ex lived with me for 7 months and did not pay half of the rent until the middle of that time (3 months in). when we broke up, he said "i don't think it's fair that i had to pay half of the rent at all when you didn't tell me i'd have to in the beginning. that wasn't agreed upon and i don't think it's fair that you got that money." there was a lot that was bad about that relationship, so maybe i just have leftover anxiety, but i've been feeling guilty for requiring him to pay half of the rent starting at month 3 when i hadn't told him rent was an expectation. i kinda thought it was common sense that if you live somewhere, you gotta pay something. he never paid for food or water, either, and the grocery bill was easily $200 more a month because the dude could eat. do i owe him the rent money (that's already been spent on rent, so i'd have to save up to send the $2200) back since i didn't initially tell him he'd have to pay rent? | nta | nta. he is a leech and you dodged a bullet. | nta well he paid too bad for him weird as fuck neither of you talked about it tho. live and you learn. maybe bring up money next time you shack up with some one. | 10 |
9w94mj | aita for not following a friend's girlfriend's wishes? | to clarify up front: i am female and my friend is male. we also have hooked up in the past, but have been completely platonic for about 2 1/2 years now, and both understand and agree a relationship is not a possibility anyway my best male friend recently got a girlfriend (yay!). we are both in univeristy and she goes to a separate school a few hours away , so they're long distance, which i understand and respect is difficult. she had come for a few visits and i have gone out with them and i really like the girl! she seems sweet and like she really cares for my friend. here's where the issues begins, my friend (for some ungodly reason) told her that we had a past and she flipped as we hang out all the time still. she then started making stipulations that we are never together alone together (not just in a room but out at bars , etc. because "no one will know he's mine and not yours if you start making out"). like i said, there's truely nothing going on but i totally understand her discomfort and was willing to accommodate sayin we won't meet to pregame together any more , and if we have to be in a room together we'd leave the door open , however i told her we couldn't always have other friends with us in public. we frequently will help each other with common classes or go for a quick drink after the library together and always bringing a chaperone along just isn't possible . i respectfully told her this, but said that i'd try to bring a friend along as often as possible, and have him snap her every few minutes while we're out together, just so she can be sure nothing is happening. she didn't like any of the options i gave and refused to compromise simply saying if we didn't agree to the terms that we must be hiding something etc. i then, and i'm not proud, basically rudely told her i wasn't going to give up a friend of three years over a girl he's known for two months . tl;dr: friend gets new girlfriend says we can't be alone together or in public just the two of us. i try to compromise, but it ends in a fight | nta | nta, you're coming up with compromises for starters and she sounds like a controlling bitch. does he know what her requests were? if not i'd let him know so he can make a decision on if hes still in to her or just spending money on another dudes wife | nta. i’ve never been in you or your friends position, but i know for a fact that trying to control who her boyfriend sees in any case makes her the asshole, let alone a friend he’s had for such a long time | 1 |
9w98j0 | aita: i pretended to love my bf for a year then dumped him. | so i dated this guy for 2 years, we have some great times and he made me happy. but last year 2017 he went to america to work at a camp and when he was away he got drunk and made out with a girl. when he came back i found out, it really hurt me but i pretended to be fine. but i no longer trusted him and would get upset a lot and was unhappy i soon realised i no longer loved him. i did not tell him this, until he came back from holiday this year. we were supposed to be moving into our own flat together he came up with all his stuff and moved in tho after a week i told him i didn't love him and didn't want to be with him any more. | yta | yta. should have told him. | 100% yta. you should have told him last year and stopped wasting his time. | 2 |
9wafyp | aita for talking about video games with my son and his teammates when video game discussion has been banned by their team | my 10 year old son plays house league hockey and has so for many years, but this year his team (manager and coaches) have forbid them from speaking about video games in the dressing room, during tournaments, and pretty much anytime they are around the team. this happened at the beginning of the year where they also forbid the team from naming their team the brite bombers (a fortnite skin name). i admit that i maybe completely bias as i am an avid gamer. i play video games with many of my friends, both of my kids, and i also play with my kids and their friends. i love all types of games. i play board games, i play mtg, heck i even play a game for a living (i play poker for a living). i recently spoke with the team manager and some other parents at a practice and this topic came up and i said i don't understand why the kids cannot speak about video games. my son and i know at least a few of his teammates are upset they couldn't name their team the brite bombers and are annoyed they can't talk about what they like. their team manager said it interferes with hockey. my response was i don't see how that could be. i continued with saying as long as they aren't speaking about anything inappropriate then they should feel free to talk to their friends about what ever they wanted. the team manager responded by saying "you're ok with them playing video games on their phone in the dressing rooms and in their hotels instead of bonding with their team?" i responded by saying "no, that's not what i said. i agree they shouldn't be on their phones in the dressing room and isolating themselves from the team. i always take my sons phone away as soon as he gets in the dressing room. what i disagree about is censoring our kids. listen, they're 10 years old, youre not going to get deep discussion out of them by banning video game talk. video games is like 90% of what 10 year old kids talk about. ban playing them but lets not censor them." the other parents and team manager kept saying its bad for the hockey team. i feel like the disconnect comes from the fact that none of these parents play video games, seem to harbor some hatred for them, and also they come from an older generation. i am in my early 30's while the other parents are early to late 40's. i get along fine with all the parents but it seems crazy to me to censor our kids. i feel many of these parents are taking hockey way too seriously, especially for a house league team. i talk with the kids about video games and i dont see myself not talking about it with them if it comes up organically. if me and the kids just had a few epic games of fortnite the night before, yeah i'm gonna talk about it when i see them next game or practice. so aita or wibta if i continue to talk video games with the kids? ​ tl:dr sons hockey team banned video game discussion, i agree with banning games but not censoring. i discuss and want to continue to discuss video games with my kid and his teammates. | nta | nta at all. some people with authority over kids use that power negatively and this is a great example of that. i mean, really? telling kids they can’t talk about something that’s perfectly appropriate? that’s so ridiculous. that’s some grade a bullshit right there. and i’m sure the kids do despise him and have every right to. | nta. you took this opportunity to bond with your son, and his friends, and that's awesome. also, i think that you sent the message that, although it's important to follow rules, some rules are just stupid and they should learn when to discard them and when to obey. blind obedience to adults can backfire in horrible ways and i'd rather my kids knew how to trust their instinct when they know something is bullshit. i know you can't change the other parents minds, but i would say "i won't punish my child for sharing his interests with his teammates. i see it as a way for them to bond as a team. you do what you want with your kids, but i won't enforce this rule with my kid." if it were a shared love of hockey teams they were going on about they probably wouldn't be so quick to ban it. | 20 |
9wagq1 | aita for cutting a close friend off | tl:dr at bottom i met this girl over a year ago and she was one of the sweetest people i'd ever met, we instantly became friends and she became very dear to me. after about 2-3 months she just disappears for 3 entire months. no explanation, didn't respond to any message, just gone. this made me think the worst had happened but then after 3 months she just comes back like nothing happened. no explanation then either, just starts a casual convo. however, i learned just before she disappeared, she had shared some really personal things about me to someone else without my permission, which i was understandably annoyed about. i'm a bit angry but ultimately glad she's okay and i ask her about it to which she more or less avoids the question. after a while things were normal again, and she does it again. mid convo just disappears for 2 weeks. the convo we were actually having was about some tough shit i was going through, so her just up and leaving that convo after offering to support me, pissed me off. (but i do understand she may have been uncomfortable because of the topic, either way i wish she didn't just up and leave) she comes back and tells me shes sorry and how she promises it won't happen again. i explain to her how this causes me a lot of worry and stress and she then tells me shes depressed (but hasn't been diagnosed) and as someone who has been dealing with mh issues for 10 years, i do understand how it messes with you. i'm usually a really forgiving person but this kept happening. it happened 8 times. it could be months or weeks i never knew! one of our mutual friends cut her off before i did because of this and as i discussed this with a friend they said it felt like she kept doing it to toy with me as she knew i would always accept her back into my life. but i don't think she was manipulative like that. every time i would explain to her this upset me, she would say the same promise, tell me shes depressed and everytime i would explain how i understand but to please let me know when she wouldn't be active for a while. she never did. about a month ago i was talking to her like normal and mid convo she stops replying to me, however remained active on social media. (i fully understand i'm not entitled to anyone's time and i'm okay with that) but this had been a full 2 weeks of her not responding to me even though she knew i was extremely worried as i expressed that to her. i guess i hit a breaking point and i just blocked her. she messaged me on skype a few days ago and i fully explained why i did what i did, she seemed to understand but i still find myself thinking i was a bit over dramatic despite the fact i was extremely hurt and she knew it caused me stress. tl:dr a close friend kept disappearing for weeks/months and would consistently make false promises and didn't listen to me expressing how this upset and worried me, i snapped and blocked her after 2 weeks of being blatantly ignored, explained over skype why but she understood. | nta | nta, i've commented a lot on this subreddit and i most commonly advocate for open communication (which is what you did here) | nta...you sound like a good friend op. if she doesn't appreciate your loyalty and friendship then she doesn't deserve them! i had a girlfriend do this to me. she disappeared for weeks at a time and then would just drop right back into my life. i loved her so i wanted to try and help her. turned out she was on heroin and was really bad off... i continued to try and "save" her, and i ended up on the shit myself! not your average heroin junkie, but sure enough ...i ended up leaving her and have been clean for about six years now! don't let this person drag you down! sounds like it's time to cut ties. it seems like you realize this.. | 3 |
9wapkw | aita for being pissed that my best friend is dating my ex? | we dated for 4 years but had a falling out about a year ago. now my best friend is hooking up with him and telling me how great he is. i honestly don't want to hear about it and i also don't really want them dating. this is completely tearing our 6 year friendship apart but she doesn't think so. she says i'm overreacting and i should be more understanding of her romantic endeavors. also, yeah, i'm totally over this guy, but hearing about everything she is doing with him just pisses me off. i don't want to have to relieve that relationship through her. | nta | absolutely nta. true friends know that dating and ex is a no-no unless you have given the okay. i've been in a similar situation myself with someone who i thought was really close to me. i gave him an ultimatum and he didn't chose me. i dodged a massive bullet there and haven't looked back since. they didn't work out either and he's tried coming back into my life. don't bother with fake friends like that. definitely nta | nta tell your friend that hearing about their relationship makes you extremely uncomfortable, and if she doesn't respect that, then how good of a friend could she actually be? | 56 |
9way2r | aita for wanting to turn my sister in? | my sister(18) recently moved out of my parent's house. shes in college and doing normal college kid stuff for the most part. aside from the normal drinking and partying shes taken up stealing. it started with mild shop lifting. i dont know why she'd feel the need to shoplift considering my parents pay for her apartment, school, and sometimes food. anyways, she recently sent me a picture of some animals she and her friends stole from a farm. i recently found out that they also resold them to someone else. i know how it feels to have things stolen from you and it's not a good feeling. i want to turn her in to the police. would i be an asshole? | nta | nta, what her and her friends are doing is way across the line for what a family needs to deal with internally. | she may never forgive you, but nta. i’m trying to think of a scenario here where calling the cops could be averted and she pays restitution to the farm – even anonymously – but there’s a good chance your “warning” wouldn’t have any impact in the long run. sometimes people need to be scared straight. it’s going to affect her the rest of her life though. | 8 |
9wb2qf | aita for being upset when people bring their babies to work? | i work at a tech company so the employees are relatively young, like 90% are between 25 and 35 (i’m 30). recently, a bunch of people have been having babies and going out on parental leave — all fine by me, no issues, to each their own, etc etc etc. here’s where i want to know if i’m off-base: in the past few months, a ton of the people on parental leave have been randomly dropping by the office with their babies. they roll up unannounced with enormous strollers and basically cause a huge distraction — people gather around them, feel compelled ooh/ahh, baby is passed around, etc. we have an open plan office where noise is already a huge problem, and these incidents disrupt the entire floor. during the most recent visit, i saw the two parents changing the baby’s diaper on the floor of the open office, partially blocking the walkway. i guess my position is that the office is a place for work, and that it’s rude to cause a major disruption, especially unannounced. we have a large kitchen area separate from the working area where noise isn’t an issue, so if they really wanted to visit their teammates / show off their baby they could have people meet them in there. i don’t have an alternative solution to changing diapers on the office floor bc there aren’t changing tables in the bathrooms (because this is an office building used by adults, not babies), but i just feel like i shouldn’t have to see actual human shit while just trying to go to my next meeting. thoughts? | nta | i would say you are nta. your work space is being disrupted by something that is preventable and non work related. you could try bringing up your concerns to a supervisor and the suggestion that people who want to show off babies do so in that other space. | nta, they should definitely announce that they want to do this rather than bringing their child in without notice. and changing the babies in the open and not in a restroom is just plain wrong and disgusting considering they're in a public work place. | 34 |
9wd4ww | aita for ditching my transphobic friend? | i recently came out as a trans girl, and because i go to an all-boys school, it was a big gossip item for a few days. one of my friends was basically telling the class how it was justified to refer to me as 'it' and it would be my fault if i got offended. this made me mad. he eventually apologised after ranting about 'sjws' suppressing free speech and agreed to refer to me properly, but he was clearly just doing it so the rest of the class didn't hate him. aita for basically telling him to fuck off and leave me alone? | nta | nta but i feel like you're trying to validate yourself in this sub. sorry that he's a dick though. | nta! i am trans myself, and all i can say is fuck that asshole! | 9 |
9we30i | aita? girlfriend is pissed at me over a holiday she wants to go on | so my girlfriend is pissed at me over a holiday she wants to go on. she has lived in many places throughout her life and one of those places she’d like to visit again. she has ties and friends there and knows the place well. i’m not all that keen on going to this place, it’s not somewhere i’ve ever wanted to visit and it’s really far away (way further than i’ve ever been before) and expensive to get to. we’re talking thousands of £/$ she has offered to cover the costs, which i still declined. i don’t like feeling like i owe anyone and i don’t want her to put up a load of money for somewhere i don’t want to be / may not enjoy. she is upset that i have refused the offer and still do not want to go. she said she has offered me the opportunity for a great holiday at no cost and i don’t care enough to go. i said to her that just because you have offered to pay for a trip for someone to go somewhere they don’t want to doesn’t mean they should accept it. my position is that if i really want to go somewhere and she doesn’t then i would not be upset or think twice about it, i would go alone or with a friend and then go somewhere with my girlfriend that we both wanted to go, both would enjoy and both paid for. we both have to accept and respect each other’s likes and dislikes. so aita? she thinks so but i don’t really think i am… | nta | nta. but if a big reason to why you don't wanna go is the cost, you really can't use that excuse. she isn't paying for you for your sake, she's doing it for herself. you would not owe her anything. i'm curious though, where does she want to go? a 3rd world country? | nta because you can decide where you go on vacation, but it's still a real shame you don't want to go. especially since she knows the place, it's basically risk-free. | 0 |
9we6a2 | aita for blocking a girl who i dated a couple weeks ago, because she said that she was going to overdose. | i recently dated a girl and it didn't really work out. this was mainly because we lived particularly far away from eachother and she was not mature enough for me. when i explained this she didn't take it well and said she was going to cut herself. i then tried to stop her saying i still want to help her. she then kept messaging me saying that she still wanted to go out. i then said that i wanted to distance myself for her sake. just recently she sent me a picture of pills saying "do you think this is enough to kill me". i couldn't deal with all this drama so i blocked her. should i have done this. i don't know what to do. | nta | nta at all and if you know any of her friends or relatives, i’d call them or message them and tell them what she did. this will have a two fold effect. number 1, she will receive attention and help from loved ones. number 2, she’ll probably stop sending you shit like that. | nta. that’s emotional abuse, and she almost definitely wouldn’t have taken the pills anyway. people like that will just threaten to kill themselves so that their victim is forced to return to them, and then never go through with it. you should definitely still contact the police though. | 11 |
9wecxu | wibta if i asked my roommate to leave so i can hookup with someone? | he’s had his gf over before and i left them alone without him asking so hopefully he’ll be chill and leave but wibta for asking? | nta | you're nta for asking, but you will be if they say no for literally any reason and you make an issue of it. welcome to the part of living with a roommate that sucks the high hard one. | nta. my roomie asks me to leave all the time and i do the same for her. just be considerate! | 125 |
9wepto | aita for reserving a seat for my girlfriend at the library? | hey there, so, just a couple of hours ago i got into a little argument with a fellow student about a workdesk in our university's library. it's a common place to study for a lot of students as it's very quiet and most of the literature that we need is concentrated there. there's six "seats" or workdesks per large table, and there's about 40 large tables in the library, so if there's no exams immediately ahead, there's always a lot more free seats than occupied seats. anyways, my girlfriend and i like to sit opposite from each other at the window side of the table (the tables are 3x2 seats: 2 seats at the window, 2 middle seats, 2 aisle seats). normally, we enter together when the library opens at 8 am, sit down and study. this morning, however, my girlfriend needed to get to an early appointment, so i went alone, sat down at the window desk, and put some books on the desk opposite from mine, to "reserve" her workdesk. i put that in quoation marks, because apart from those two desks, there's virtually no other that is occupied. i just wanted to prevent someone to randomly pick that desk over any other random desk. so then, at maybe 8.30 am, this guy comes to my table, sits down at the desk opposite from me, and puts the books at the desk next to him. mind you, apart from those two desks, i can see literally no other occupied. the guy has not only 4 other desks to sit down, but also 12 at the tables next to ours (including 4 other window seats). so i say: excuse me, i put the books there for my girlfriend, who's coming any minute now. he replies: so? i want to sit at the windows and you can't reserve seats for people. me: i realize that, but would it be so bad if you just chose one of the other window seats? he: yes. me: well, ok. yes, you actually shouldn't save seats for people, but this is something a lot of people do at our library when there's plenty of space and no one gets denied a desk and it's something no one normally has a problem with. i got the feeling that for him it wasn't so much about where he sits, but about him wanting to show me i couldn't reserve seats, no matter how many other seats were available (really, i felt a bit like the guy in this pic [https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1031966-urinal-etiquette](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1031966-urinal-etiquette)). it's also that everytime i see a "reserved" seat like this, i just pick another one and don't think about it further. ​ so, who's right here? ​ | nta | nta. when he saw books in front of that seat, he should have asked "is this seat taken?" common etiquette. | nta. this reminds me of a story of when i was at the bus reserving a seat for someone else. there was like 10 empty seats. this guy just push my backpack and sat there without asking me. i was annoyed and he got mad at me for giving a "what the hell" look. | 1 |
9wf8re | aita for not wanting to waste vacation days to see family for holidays? | i live in stl and half of my family lives in little rock arkansas. i am not taking any vacation days to go down and see them at thanksgiving, or christmas. some of these family members i have not seen in 3 years. i do feel bad. however, my work only gives me 12 days off a year (that includes sick days) and i already used one of those days two weeks ago to take my gf to have oral surgery. i am planning on buying a house and moving and i want to save half of those days for my move and/or days to look at houses. then i would like to be able to take an out of state vacation sometime in the late summer... so aita for not taking 2 days off and possibly only allowing my self time for a 3 or 4 day vacation in the summer? ​ | nta | this is a hard one, but... nta. you have your own life, very few vacation days available, and you've got a big change in your life heading your way. if your family wants to see you, they're welcome to visit you. also, just 12 vacation days a year? wtf??? do yourself a favor and find a better job. twelve days of vacation per year; that oughta be a crime. one month minimum!!!!! | i would say you're nta, but it depends on how you go about it. i'd make it clear to your family that it just won't work out this year, but you do feel bad. that might help any hurt feelings on their part. also maybe try to promise next year or have them come see you after you settle into the new house. family is tricky and every circumstance is different, but don't feel bad about looking out for yourself. | 8 |
9wffzo | aita for throwing apple cores out of my car | i don't throw plastic or processed foods away but when it comes to stuff like orange peels of apple cores i just toss them on some grass near me when i'm driving, what's so wrong about that also i don't throw anything out of my car if it's a expressway- case anyone was wondering | yta | this depends entirely where you are throwing them out. what grass are you throwing this on? its it someones lawn? its it the towns lawn? if its any space that people use/mow, then yea, yta. i wouldn't want apple cores in my mower, or enjoy a walk when suddenly i'm stepping on someones trash. if you're tossing it in the woods or something, then no problem. | depending on where you toss it, yta. don't throw it in people's yards. just about anywhere else it's legal, at least in my state, since it will biodegrate. just be aware of this: animals will be drawn by it, so it raises the chance of them getting hit by a car or causing an accident. it's also a little tacky. i'd recommend instead holding on to them and tossing them into a trash can. | 103 |
9wfnty | aita for just wanting to enjoy my vacation? | aita for just wanting to enjoy my vacation? my boyfriend and i rented a cabin for a weekend several hours from home. when we were there and unpacking, my boyfriend realized he forgot some of his meds at home (he has restless leg syndrome, trigeminal neuralgia, some sort of tmj issue, anxiety, and gerd), and decided to find the closest walgreens to transfer over the meds he takes for tn since he gets his meds from the walgreens at home. they agreed to transfer and had them ready for him to pickup, but the closest walgreens was about 2 hours away. he tried to transfer it to a different closer pharmacy, but there were issues with insurance, so he was just going to go to that walgreens. i wanted a nice, quiet weekend. i didn't want to leave or drive anywhere else since we did that long drive, so i told him i wasn't coming. he seemed fine with going alone for what would be 4 hours total just to get a few pills. i got mad and told him the whole point of this was to spend time together and if he left for 4 hours to get his drugs it would defeat the whole purpose of the trip. he got pretty mad and told me it would defeat the purpose of the trip if he was in so much pain he couldn't move or speak so he was going to get his meds whether i wanted him to or not. i got a whole lecture about chronic pain and how i don't think he's as bad off as he really is because he doesn't let me see him at his worst when he's in the most pain, and i may see that during this trip because we'll be together for several days. he told me about what tn is, how it impacts the body, what his meds do to help, etc. basically, the bottom line was, he was convinced he'd be in too much pain to enjoy the weekend without these meds. so he went to the walgreens and i sat alone in a cabin in a beautiful area for 4 hours, and he returned with just a few pills. he drove 4 hours for some drugs because he claims they make him be in less pain. i guess i was madder about it than i thought because, according to him, i was an asshole the whole weekend. he actually broke up with me a week later and referenced that weekend when i asked him what the breaking point was. he said he needs someone that understands he has chronic health problems that are not his fault he has, are incurable, and that he will probably need meds or some sort of treatment for for the rest of his life. that person needs to understand he is in pain, and he often downplays that pain as to not bother or concern people with it. now, i think this is bs and that i was totally understanding. i think he's being dramatic, especially about that weekend. no way any health problem hurts that badly someone can't go a couple days without medication. | yta | yta, and also a little brat. | yta. how are people like you in relationships? being upset at him being gone for 4 hours to get medicine so he can enjoy the vacation too is so fucking selfish. who the hell wants to drive for 4 hours if they weren't absolutely desperate? he didn't even force you to go!!! just stay in the cabin by yourself for 4 hours. relax. take a bath. get yourself off. cook. watch netflix. he's right for dumping someone who doesn't care about his well-being and medical issues. i start whimpering about cramps and my boyfriend comes to my rescue doing anything he can to make me feel better. never would he shit on me or tell me it's not real. | 919 |
9wfyn8 | aita for asking my so to cut online contact with her ex? | i've been with my so for about 6 months, started dating shortly after she broke up with her ex of 3 years (he cheated on her countless times). me and her are currently long distance for school. ​ when we first began dating she informed me that they were still friends, and are both in the same friends group. i said that was fine, as long as both parties are over things i'm cool with that. but lately there's been some signs that were worrisome for me. ​ her ex is in a different town right now, and lately he has been constantly hitting her up to make conversation, with little excuses -- like asking where food places are, or sending her memes, or just straight up asking her if she's free. i think one time she posted a photo of us eating at a restaurant and he responded with an angry jealous emoji. on top of that he's constantly snapchatting her; every time i'm with her her phone will light up with a new snap from him. she tells me she usually doesn't respond or just responds out of politeness (i completely believe her), and that he snaps the same thing to all his friends (i don't believe this because most of the snaps are very personalized) but so far her lack of response has not shown to deter him in the least. i figure he of all people should know she's not one to chat online (she has a reputation for not texting back), so i'm not sure why he keeps trying to start conversations all the time. also, since she's barely even entertaining these efforts, it's also strange to me that he hasn't "gotten the hint" and stopped trying. i should also mention that he is by far hitting her up more than any other person on her contacts list. ​ this had gone on for a few months now but i'd never brought it up to her. but i couldn't help but feel more and more uncomfortable about it as i'm picking up these things as signs that he's not really over it. i understand that they're supposed to be on good terms and all, but i feel like his actions suggest something more than just friendliness -- not even her closest friends pester her to this extent. in a few weeks he'll be back in town permanently, going to the same school and same program as her, and i can't help but feel like he's going to be even more badgering in person. ​ i know it would be ridiculous to ask that she avoid him given that they're in the same friend circle and go to the same school and events, and that he hasn't shown any incredible obvious signs of pushing boundaries yet. but i did ask my so if she could stop acknowledging his online efforts at starting conversation. i just feel like her current approach is not doing enough to dissuade him and his persistence is making me uncomfortable. i trust my gf not to do anything, but i absolutely don't trust him at all given his questionable morals. he should also know better than anyone that she's wayyy too trusting of a person and i fear that he can take advantage of that. ​ aita? am i reading too much into things? ​ ​ | nta | oof, i don't like any part of this situation... i don't like the idea of asking her to stop responding to him (i.e. not telling her what to do, although i'm sure you'd wish that she would do this on her own). at the same time, you should absolutely let her know this is making you very uncomfortable (hey, he doesnt seem over you, this is making me uncomfortable). and why the hell would she want to be friends with him after he cheated on her countless times?? nta, but based on what i'm reading i'm not sold that she's over him, and he's certainly not over her. i would be uncomfortable with this situation if i were you. | nta. her ex wants her back, and you don't want that. you should ask her to speak to him about the matter, that she already has a boyfriend and she isn't going back. | 2 |
9whk5y | aita for abruptly kicking out a pianist out of an amateur musical comedy project? | i am currently involved in an amateur musical comedy project in which i am the composer of the songs. the texts are written by a friend who is the master brain behind this project. let's call him "master brain"', shall we? i am basically given carte blanche regarding the musical direction of this project. i had to compose more than a dozen of songs in which the melody mustn't be too hard to sing (as several people participating in this project are totally tone deaf), but it still has to have some catchy moments so the singers would enjoy working on these songs. i also ensure myself to have a piano part that is not too easy, but not too hard to play either so the musics don't sound "flat". i eventually add a drums part in order to have the audiences hooked to the show and help the singers as a sound aid so they can sing at the right time. the shows are due on may and june of the next year. i presented the final result of the songs to the singers that were going to be involved. although there were some flaws here and there, they loved it and i was even surprised that my songs were already in their head as they were humming them. music sheets and audios are produced in order for the singers to capture the gist of the songs, even if not a single one can actually read music. then, i realized that i wasn't going to perform both the piano and drums parts. we needed a pianist to perform the accompaniment so i could focus on the drums part and let the pianist work in autonomy. i am then presented an elderly man, in his 80s, who is a pianist enthusiast and owned several pianos in his house. let's call him "p80". i am told p80 was excelling in sight-reading and could work very effectively. one thing was that he played only classical music, so my music style being heavily influenced by [city pop music](https://rateyourmusic.com/genre/city+pop/), french pop music of the 70s-80s and lots of chords with major sevenths might surprise him, to say the least. aroused anyway by his piano skills, i decide to send p80 the music sheets of three of my songs in august that i think are the easiest ones, without giving any clue so i can figure out how autonomous he was. therefore, he could discover the piano parts and then, if he liked it and if he was willing to, work on all the songs later. a first appointment was set three weeks later with master brain and i in september, which would give him enough time to perform correctly each music sheet. these were one to three pages long, with five or six staves of four to six bars per page. one first problem that occurred was master brain and i weren't given the precise hour of the appointment in september. therefore, we called p80 in order to set everything correctly. p80 didn't answer the phone despite leaving several voicemails. we decided then to send e-mails. no answer either. we sollicited a friend that is more likely to have some answer from p80. still no answer. we imagined the worst. suddenly, out of nowhere, late in the evening, we finally receive a mail from this friend confirming the exact hour for the appointement the day after. phew. there, i was able to discover his big house and a splendid wooden grand piano sitting in the living room. as almost expected, p80 told me my harmonization was dissonant for him. i told him that this was my way of composing songs and these were the definitive version as all the scores were printed for the musicians and the singers. later in the discussions, i realized that he didn't really read the scores and had hard times to read these because he couldn't understand how my music was written, despite i was being told he was excelling at sight-reading music. i had then to play all the piano parts of the songs for him so he could have the gist of these in order to have something to start with. i didn't play some of these scores very well as i didn't bother to practice at the time. i eventually proposed another appointment with p80 whenever he wants so we can work together on the songs. p80 accepts and claims to be keen on this project. later in the evening, i decide to work myself on these piano accompaniments because i felt like a fraud if even the composer of the songs isn't able to play correctly the scores he writes. done in 4 hours. i noticed several flaws in the music sheets that can be circumvented if i'm asked on these. towards the end of september, i decide to call him in order to check the progression of his work. p80 doesn't answer the phone. i leave both a veeeeeeery long voicemail detailing which songs he has to work on first and a written e-mail. no answer. no feedback. nothing. several days, i decided to try my luck again by phone. still no answer. aw, f\*k it, i have better things to do, like playing /r/smite. fast forward to mid-october. monthly workshop time for the singers and the musicians in which everybody gathers and is conducted by a singing teacher. we are told the workshop starts at 9:30 am. p80 is late. i was however playing the piano for the singers. good for me i don't sing in this musical project. p80 finally shows up at 11:30 am. i decide to ask p80 to play the piano parts i hoped he worked on. the result was… meh. he was still sight-reading the music as if he received the music sheets one week before. he still had difficulties on some songs, yet he didn't ask me for help. i had to take him apart asking what he was doing during the end of september as i wasn't able to reach him. he said he never received my calls, nor my e-mail, nor my voice mail. as i am a tech-savvy person, i had the sense that p80 was lying to me. you can have a shitty phone that misses calls (i'm looking at you, samsung galaxy note ii and lg g3), but having on top of it a shitty phone provider that doesn't even register voice mails is barely believable, at least in france. plus, he added that he didn't ask to be in this project, which surprises me as i was told p80 liked the project. however, i decided to not to be too harsh with him and let him work a bit on the music sheets. we even agreed to bring our keyboards each. later in october, i finally received a call from p80 asking me for help. unfortunately, i missed the call, but i call him back. he doesn't answer, again, but i leave a voicemail telling him how i write music, how the small details he points in my writing are not that relevant and that he can download the audios of the music sheets in order to capture how these must be played. meanwhile, i got to the point where i was training so much on the songs i was distorting them. eventually, we are at the beginning of november, where the monthly workshop has to take place. singers, musicians and singing teacher. still starts at 9:30 am. p80 still doesn't show up. finally shows up at 12:00 am, but leaves quickly until 2:00 pm because he must pay visit to his sick wife. when he comes back, i don't even notice his return. when i am finally noticed of his presence, i'm going to talk to him and ask him to show me the result of his work on a song so i could take care of the drums part. the result was even worse. working with him on the piano was a let-down, still looked like he got the music sheets several days ago. we got to the point i had enough and had to impose myself to replace him in order to finish the training of the singers. the singing teacher thanks me for getting the things back in track. after that, he complains that he only has piano parts and i should have kept the voice parts so he can figure out exactly where to restart. i tell him the bars are numbered, and either the singing teacher or i would just have to tell him the correct bar numbers. then, we proceed to work on another song, with p80 sitting in the back of the room, doing nothing. meanwhile, i was thinking to myself whether i had to keep him as a pianist in the project. p80 had the music sheets since three months. his work was non-existent. i already previously warned master brain after my unsuccessful attempts to communicate with p80 that if there wasn't more commitment from p80, i would end immediately this collaboration that actually never was. this was it. i isolated myself with p80 and master brain and announced to p80 that due to his poor performance and his personal reasons, he didn't have to bother coming back the next month. p80 got mad and answered me: "you are too full of yourself! and as you so want to tell the truth, you know what? your music is boring and repetitive! i am more a musician than you! i conducted a choral, so i know jackshit! why did you ask me to join you in the first place!". and then leaves. after having heard these complaints, i feel now somehow relieved, thinking i extinguished a nasty fire that was going to blow up in the long term. at least, i regained the control of my own music. as for the drums, another person proposed to me to perform this part; i know i can rely on this person so i don't have to worry about her commitment. *tl;dr: wrote some songs for an amateur musical project, with piano and drums. got presented an elderly pianist who didn't work on the music sheets he got for three months, wasn't responding to my phone calls and my e-mails and showed late on monthly workshops. i relied on his abilities, and assumed he was autonomous enough to play the music sheets correctly and communicate with me. after seeing no progress in his work, i got tired of this shit, told him to leave the project after only three months and made him understandably angry. aita?* ​ \[edited for grammar which made me like i'm from a /r/polandball comic\] | nta | nta. at all. as a pianist who has accompanied singers, it's the responsibility of the accompist to know they're music like the back of their hand, or atleast well enough that you could go through a rehearsal without causing any issue. i would never depend on sight-reading for a performance, unless you're literally franz liszt (in which case you can do whatever you want). it'd be one thing if he just didn't respond well, but had his music down-packed. but in this case, he didn't respond well and he didn't know is music well. he had it coming. ​ | nta: he didn’t do fuck all i would’ve tossed him by the second meeting. you can’t let one person ruin the entire production, he has a key role. he had to shape up or ship out, he shipped out. best of luck! | 14 |
9whlu1 | aita for being late for work due to a power outage? | alt account because friends know my real one. this isn't a regular "i said something or did something i shouldn't have" asshole, this is a "i know i fucked up, how much do i look like an asshole". i'm currently a student teacher/intern for a school near my college. today i was supposed to substitute teach so my mentor teacher could do some work with the other school's teachers. i set my alarm on my computer and on my phone last night to wake me up early, due to me having trouble waking up sometimes. however, last night, a breaker in my fuse box flipped off and shut off my computer and stopped charging my phone, which then died during the night. i woke up at 8:00 a.m (when class started) and rushed to put on clothes and bike to the school. i got there around 8:05-8:10 and found another substitute teacher talking to my mentor teacher. also in the room is my college teacher who is like an overseer of our progress. i walked in and my mentor teacher and college teacher sat down with me. they were worried because they couldn't reach me on my phone (still was dead), and i was late, which is never like me. i told them what happened, that i was so sorry, and i can still be there and teach. my two teachers understood but thought it best for me to go home. i argued against that, saying i'm here and i can teach, but got told to think about how to not let them happen in the future. i walked out of the building dejected and know that the whole staff knows that i am unreliable and i messed up. my mentor teacher and college teacher each texted me and told me not to be too hard on myself and it is okay. i have chronic anxiety so my morning has been sitting at home in humiliation that this happened. now i am trying to figure out what my next steps are, and how much do i look like an asshole and how to fix it. | nta | things happen. you’re by all means nta, no one is in this scenario. i know it is easier said then done, but do not stress over things you cannot control — this is one of them. ten years from now you will be laughing about this. they did not make you go home in order to punish you, they did so because they already called in a sub and didn’t want to just send them home seeing as they called them in already. just get ready for the next day and don’t be late again. | nta at all. pretty minor fuck up and no one is mad at you for it. i doubt sending you home was a punishment, more of a thing where they already had a sub to cover for you and they're going to do a better job since they're not so flustered and more awake. just learn from it and move on. make sure your phone is completely charged before bed and turn off any power draining apps. | 1 |
9whwto | aita for telling my roommate that i can’t afford for our heat to be turned on to 75 degrees (fahrenheit)? | my roommate and i live in a small apartment. shared bathroom, two bedroom, open kitchen/living area. we’re in northeast georgia (the us state) and so temps are getting low. our apartment hasn’t gotten below 69 deg with heating and air off but yesterday she turned the heat up to 75 deg. i find this really high but more importantly i cannot afford that. that will raise are electric bill drastically, something i’ve experienced in the past. i support myself, pay student loan bills, medical bills, and i’ve been helping my unemployed mom and sister. my roommate is a grad student with no job so she doesn’t seem to have to worry about money. when i let her know that 75 was going to cost a lot because the heat would basically have to run constantly she responded with “it’ll only go up a little and i need to study.” i suggested she use a blanket, wear heavier clothes, get a small space heater, and do other things she hasn’t tried. she told me she doesn’t want to. i told her she can also study on campus where it might be warmer but she refused that. then what really irritated me is she said that since i was just worried about the cost then that’s not a good enough reason. i told her that, no, that’s not my only reason, i also won’t be able to sleep in that high heat and having heat running constantly increases our risk for a fire. but also i don’t get paid much (i’m a research professional at the same university she goes to and just graduated in may) and i can’t afford our electric bills to get higher than the $30 we each pay. am i the asshole here? i gave her suggestions and compromised by agreeing to leave the temp at 70 deg so it will always stay that temp because it’s automatic. i would keep it down around 65 deg if i could to avoid paying for heat but i recognize that i live with someone else. | nta | nta. 75 is crazy | nta. georgia native here (i’m in the western part of the state). what is your roommate going to do when it freezes later this week? can you get a thermostat with a lock? | 28 |
9wi24r | aita for getting together with my ex's friend? | i dated this guy for a couple months, he had introduced me to some of his friends. later we broke up, but i enjoyed hanging out with one of his friends. i went out with him for a few times, but with no romantic/sexual intentions whatsoever. i genuinely went out with him as platonic friends. my ex found out thay we had gone out, got very angry and ordered the friend to break off any communication with me. the friend refused. we went on a few more outings before the friend confessed that he liked me. at first i thought it was very unfair to my ex, then the friend tried to calm me down by saying that their relationship was already getting weaker, they weren't much of friends as before, they were growing apart. i still felt guilty, but, long story short, we're together. although i still feel kinda sick and disappointed in myself, even though i myself have experienced a similar situation from my ex's view, and i personally didn't take offense and didn't order my friend to break off everything. i was not going to refuse my friend's or ex's happiness because we didn't fit. am i the asshole? | nta | nta. you don’t owe somebody you dated for two months anything. if anything, the onus is on his friend to not date a friend’s ex, but since it sounds like they’re not close or he’s not interested in preserving the friendship anyway, do what you like. | nta. you can go out with whomever you like | 2 |
9wi322 | aita for wanting to go home on time? | so i work in a pharmacy in the middle of a big tourist place (for privacy reasons i'd rather not say where exactly). i work mostly weekends where i work from 8:30 to 5. the mornings are usually calm but after 12 people come pouring in at an insane pace. i work with two other people and we can usually handle the ammount in a good pace. in the pharmacy we get a mix of tourists and regular people who live in the neighbourhood here to get their meds. on weekends we decided to close up 5-10 min earlier than on our actual closing time. we do this because in the last hour we get a stampede of people coming in trying to get something last minute. some of it is just single items and other times people come with 3 different prescriptions with each 3 items on it from a different country. we try out best but as you can expect we can't deal with all of them. because of this we usually end up finishing around 5:15-5:30 because we're still dealing with customers. time we don't get paid for btw. so we decided to close the door 5-10 min earlier and help whoever is still in the pharmacy (usually there's still 4-6 people at that point). this has helped because we don't have to deal with people who run in at the last minute just to browse around for 15 min (happened to me a few times) and not buy something. if we see a person is really desperate for his meds we open up quickly to give it to them but if they're just random tourists there to buy some cough drops or tampons we redirect them to another pharmacy that's still open. some people get really pissy when we don't open the door at 4:58 which got me thinking: am i the asshole? | nta | nta. idk why people have it in their heads that ‘open until 5 means i just need one foot in the door by then’ when it actually means you need to get out by then. | you do have a tough job, so respects. nta | 3 |
9wi9zo | aita for staying single and rejecting everyone who asks me out? | i'm 19 and female. never had a boyfriend but been asked out a few times. mostly decline. i don't want to go out with anyone. kind of feel like beeing single forever but idk. aita for rejecting everyone who asks me out? | nta | nta, of course. you don’t need to have boyfriends/girlfriends if you don’t want them. who you date is your decision, and being choosy with your partners is better than settling for anyone who asks you. plus, you’re only 19. you have years yet to start thinking about that sort of thing. | nta, its your choice. | 6 |
9wigsd | aita for wanting to tell off annoying coworkers that won’t shut up in the work group chat? | so at my job, we have a group chat to share important, work-related information with each other. it’s important to note that the majority of my coworkers are high schoolers or young adults. we started off on an app called slack, but we had to move to groupme because slack was going to make us pay for the service because we used it so much. right now, the app is made up of 10% important information, 40% “can anyone cover my shift” and 50% non work-related garbage. our boss has sent a message about this many times, suggesting we move discussions about shifts into another chat, and even create a random group for things like that. but no. the messages keep coming, and i’ve had to mute the app because of the constant notifications. by doing this i have missed a couple important dates and messages. just before writing this, i get 20+ notifications in a 5 minute timeframe about something irrelevant, and it’s taking everything i have to not type a snarky, angry remark about everyone’s habits on this app. also to note, i’m just an employee. i’m hesitant to write anything because i don’t know how it will turn out, and it’s not really my place. unfortunately the vast majority of employees chose to ignore our boss’s message, or just didn’t see it in the sea of obnoxious messages. so would it make me an asshole for trying to put an end to it? if i could do it nicely i would, but i’ve had it with the constant influx of notifications. | nta | nta - people should really stick to ‘social rules’ even though it is a virtual thing and not face-to-face. some people just blurt out stuff without ever thinking...or contemplating who will receive a notification to only see some unimportant comment. i am in a simular situation when it comes to our safe-community-app. it is supposed to be used only for important safety issues concerning our street but people use it to talk about stupid crap. i have that group chat muted which makes the whole goal of the app (getting notified straight away when there is a safety related issue going on) pointless. | nta but take the initiative and create a social chat group. the lemmings will always take the easy route ie: there is already a chat group, so we will chat there whereas if you give them the alternitive that requires no extra effort on their part they might be more responsive, and if they aren't then you and your boss can kick their asses (not literally) | 6 |
9wipbt | aita for feeling upset that my girlfriend is more impacted over stan lee's death than my father's death. | i know that i am the asshole because i blew up on her about it when i should have been calm and should have stepped away from the issue. don't judge me on that, because i could not have helped that part, but i still need insight on why it's wrong/right for me to feel this way. i have known my girlfriend (20f) for four years, but we have only been dating for one year. she met my parents a couple of times, and we had a trip last christmas break where she stayed in a hotel with me and my parents. it was a good time all around. half a year ago, my dad passed away. it was expected, but it still hit me and my mom hard. my girlfriend reacted to the news with shock when i told her. she was there for me when i was really struck by grief, but ultimately, she was over it just about the instant she heard it. i chalked it up to her not having known him all her life, but today, it really made me feel... aggravated. a couple of hours ago, stan lee died and news got around. (may he rest in peace.) the moment my girlfriend heard, she broke down--crying in a way that i have never seen her cry. she was so mortified by this, and i sat down with her, reminded of the day that my father died and the way that i broke down. she started talking about spiderman, her favorite comic book series. stuff like how she couldn't believe that such a good man died and how she was going to miss seeing his cameos. and for some reason, i couldn't help but wonder why she never said anything like this when my father died. sure, she was there for me, but all she did was listen and tell me "i don't know what to say..." every time i talked to her about my memories. at the time, i accepted this. stan lee is a media legend, sure, but she didn't even know him. my dad was someone that she sat down and ate dinner with. my dad was someone that she met, and she couldn't spare any tears for him. i was very upset. i told her these things, yelling when i said it. she stopped crying and looked shocked--and even in the moment, i knew that i shouldn't have exploded like that. we decided that we will talk about this tomorrow. look. roast me. tear into me. i feel very strongly about this, but i know that i might be in the wrong. i want you to tell me why i'm wrong so that i can gain perspective on this. ​ i took into a consideration a lot of the comments, but probably won't have the time or the emotional capacity to respond to all of them. there are a lot of you that showed incredible empathy during this time, and some of you that showed none at all. i wanted to say thank you to those of you that offered your condolences, even though you didn't have to. i really do admit that i'm the asshole for blowing up at her and for not being there for her during a tender moment, like she had been there for me. i recognized that she was also mourning, but the asshole in me was upset that she was mourning over someone that she had never met, whereas i would always carry the wound of my father not being there. anyway, that's all just filler to explain that i stopped to think about why i felt the way i did. earlier, i stopped by her house with mcdonalds (thanks to the guy who told me to bring her favorite food) and she sat down with me to talk about it. we always talk through our issues, but this was the first time that i have ever been emotional in a way that i knew was wrong, but couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. i apologized to her and she squirted ketchup on my kneecap as "payback." (sounds weird, but she was just being playful.) she told me that she understood that my father's death was still a fresh thing and that she could understand where my anger was coming from, but that i was in the wrong for having blown up about it. she would have preferred that i had stated how i was feeling calmly, even if the way that i felt wasn't right to begin with. she told me that it wasn't okay, but she forgave me, asked for a "get out of jail free" card if she ever got upset about something she couldn't help feeling upset about. i know i'm super lucky to have met someone who will talk me through anything. like some of you said, she told me that for her, she was upset that stan lee was someone that she had never known, but whose work she will always carry close to her heart. she has always been invested in fandom/geeky things, so i can get that, even if i might never experience it. she told me that she mourned for my dad too, that she always appreciated the things that my family has done with and for her, but that she felt that the last thing i needed while mourning was for her to cry too, that she wanted to be my rock at the time. she made some cool metaphor about rocks and rivers, but i forgot what it was. but ultimately, i wanted to thank some of you guys in the thread. some of you phrased it very aptly, in a way that really made me understand why i was in the wrong. her grief is separate from mine, and i have no right to police it. though it hurt to talk through and to admit i was in the wrong, i am glad i talked to her about it. that's all. thanks again. | yta | yta. when one person is having an emotional breakdown, the other half should be strong for their loved one (more or less. depends on the situation). so while you were grieving for your dad, she was the strong one and was there for you. now it’s your turn to be the strong one. making this about your dad is kind of selfish. when is she allowed to grieve? what if her fish died? can she cry or will you bring up your dad again? can she cry during a sad movie? my point is, you don’t get to dictate her feelings for things and it is manipulative to use your dad’s death as a measuring stick. | yta because it's not all about you. it really sucks that your dad died, and i'm really sorry you had to go through that... but it's unfair of you to equate every other death to your dad's death and expect people to react the way you want them to. she was there for you while you greived. she didn't know your dad well so she didn't experience the grief herself, but she was there for you regardless. | 315 |
9wiu1j | aita, for picking up my wife's paycheck so that a bill will be paid on time. | tldr. we have a bill coming out tomorrow and i stopped by my wife's place of work to pick up her paycheck from her. now she is mad. background. my wife doesn't have direct deposit set up on her paychecks. even though she wants to set it up, she hasn't yet and still gets pay checks directly from her employer. i made a mistake on over paying a bill that we don't have enough money in our account. luckily the money doesn't come out until tomorrow and we still haven't deposited her paycheck. i asked her to please drop it off before work or on her break so that its in the account before the bill comes out. she did not and isn't off until after our bank closes. i had just got off work and texted her that i would be stopping by to pickup the paycheck. when i arrive she is clearly hurt that i stopped by her work "asking for money." am i the asshole? i feel bad because she is hurt but i don't see where i made a mistake. | nta | nta but does she understand the exact reasons for you stopping by “just to get money”? like the reason with the bank and paying things on time so your credit score won’t be hurt? it could just be a misunderstanding | a bit fuzzy but i'd say nta. bills are due and late fees are expensive. but it sounds like your partner needs to be more responsible. setting up direct deposit is not hard, and if it has taken her a second then she's being lazy. | 5 |
9wiy1p | aita for being "weirded out" that my roommate copies everything about me? | i'm already beating myself up because even the title sounds childish, but please hear me out. my roommate copies every little thing about me. she copies my perfume and body wash to get the same "scent" as me, same piercings with the same jewelry that she goes out of her way to find, recently, she cut her hair the same length days after i cut mine and tries to curl it in the same manner mine naturally curls, even going out of her way to get a curling iron to achieve the "same" effect. she tries to go after guys that look a little like my boyfriend. she gets the exact same makeup products as me, and recently purchased a water bottle identical to mine. we adopted a cat together, that she neglects and i am obsessed with and she posts pics of her every time i do on social media- she doesn't even let the kitten into her room let alone feed her, ever. she tries to talk like me and use the same phrases. i'm missing a lot more but i think you guys get the point and i don't wanna ramble. imitation is the highest form of flattery, i agree to an extent, but what really bothers me is that this girl does it all day every day. my boyfriend and other roomates tease me about it regularly. the kicker here though folks is that she always comes up to me so as to introduce to me for the first time, items i've always had and she's knows i've had before. it's almost like she gets defensive without me saying anything at all and outs herself as someone who watches my every move and tries to emulate it. i really just wish she wouldn't say anything. all this is more annoying than truly bothersome, i guess. she constantly likes to joke that "we are the same person", which at first seemed lighthearted, but less and less now that she tries to adopt so much about me as her own. she admitted last night she "wants to be me", which was a first, but honestly still a little creepy. i never know how to approach the situation because she seldom acknowledges it and gets defensive if she even "feels" like i do, i don't liek confrontation so i literally never acknowledge her copying me. i guess i wanna know if aita for this even bothering me at all. | nta | nta, this sounds like the start of a horror film. | nta i would honestly talk to someone about it and see if she has any mental problems, she seems kinda creepy. maybe it’s jealousy or something more serious. | 64 |
9wj0vy | aita for not putting in a written 2 weeks notice during a discussion about how i was putting in my two weeks? | like the title says, i was having a discussion with my manager about putting in my two weeks and said "well here's my notice." apparently because i didn't send one in writing, i'm "sticking her". i honestly just never got around to it but she knew i was done with the job. | nta | nta. i am not sure if you have to give written notices, sometimes it seems to depend on the place, but even at that point still not the asshole. notices in general are not required, usually they are more of a customary/nice/friendly thing to do for the business and allows you to have a reference if you decide to put them down for future jobs. | nta. two weeks is good practice (especially if you’re going to use them on a resumé) but not mandatory. | 3 |
9wj1yp | aita for giving my cats away for my sick girlfriend? | okay so i have two cats that were formerly fosters. long and short of how they came to stay was: boo (the older cat) came to live with me as a very very sick kitten so she would have a comfy place to pass on, instead she got better and has been with me for four years. coco i found this summer on a bike ride, as tiny as kittens come, brought her home and took care of her. was going to rehome her but my girlfriend grew attached and we kept her. both are super cuddly and affectionate, and are adored by everyone who comes over. fast forward to a recently. my girlfriend of almost two years has had aggressive diabetes since she was born, and was recently told she has 10% kidney function and will have to go in dialysis, and she's only 25. her failing kidneys meant aaaallooottttt of dietary restrictions, including claritin. she's allergic to cats and has had to take a pill or two just to come hang out when we started dating, otherwise she looks like a bee stung her and she's barely comfortable in her own skin. so with the news, i decided i'd rehome my cats, letting them go live with my recently widowed step mom and my two little sisters (this way they'll be loved, my family will have a li'l happiness in a shitty time, and i can see them whenever i want). the girlfriend was racked with guilt and has been depressed already with all the changes we're making over her health. i told my friends over group chat about the cats leaving and why and they were more upset over me giving away the cats than over my girlfriends predicament, especially one girl in particular who kept making it sound as though i was personally killing the cats "for some chick" . two days ago was our roommates birthday and that same girl got a card that said "happy birthday teddy bear, sorry straightupforrealtho is killing your favourite cat (boo) just for his girlfriend". my girlfriend was heart broken and embarrassed , especially since she spent the day cleaning the house and baking a cake and decorating just for everyone to have fun. i'm really trying to do the best i can for both my cats and my girlfriend, but am i the asshole here? cause my friends are making it seem that way. | nta | nta. you did it for her health, and you made sure your cats would be well loved. and it’s not like you would never see them again, or like you abandoned them. | no your mates are just dicks, but at the same time they could be thinking you got rid of them because she asked you to, when all your trying to do is eliminate more problems you might have to deal with later, but either way your mates are dicks, nta | 77 |
9wj2m0 | wibta for making my best friends girlfriend cheat on him to get him out of an abusive relationship | so i (male) have know that my best friend (male) has been in an abusive relationship for almost 2 years now. it is really evident to me how much it is effecting his everyday life, as he is just so addicted to this person yet gets physically and verbally abused. he hasn’t been able to bring himself to end it with her despite me telling him how much better it will make him feel. i am not sure if she will cheat on him, however i would not be surprised. i also know that it would destroy him to be cheated on and he would break off the relationship. wibta if i organised an outside friend of mine to try and seduce his girlfriend to hookup with him? | yta | yes, yta and sound really manipulative. | yta. there's no guarantee that, even if she did end up cheating on him, that they would break up. and like you said it would destroy him. they're are plenty of other things you can do, but ultimately it's not your decision who your friend dates and doesn't date. | 5 |
9wj4mm | aita because i just want to look at funny shit on reddit and not be bummed out? | so me and a friend both just found out about stan lee's death and honesty we're both fans of the guy and everything he's done and we obviously agree it's sad he passed. 95 is good fuckin going but still. i said to my mate *"looks like i'll have to add a filter for "stan lee" for a few days now."* and he gave me this look and told me that i was being a dick. i agreed it may be insensitive and i defended my statement by explaining the following but he went on to continue accusing me of being selfish and lacking empathy. my argument is, i'm not undermining his passing and i'm not telling people they shouldn't make posts, discuss his achievements and tell stories etc. all i'm just saying is, yes it's sad but i've honestly never been a mega fan. i appreciate his work but i'd rather every other post i see for the next week *not* be about this one thing so i'll add a filter and keep on enjoying other content on /r/all or stick to other specific subreddits. he says i'm not being respectful and i'm being really insensitive. if i had said, ***"oh for fuck sake i don't care"*** i could understand but i was genuinely sad to hear the news. i just don't see the point in looking at hundreds of posts about a celebrity death for days every time it happens. it's the same reason i have a filter for "trump" because i'm not using reddit to discuss politics and i'm sick of hearing about that dumbass. i just want to watch funny videos, read funny threads and discuss topics that personally interest me... sometimes i browse /r/all and i'd rather filter out stuff i find repetitive or i don't want to see... it's not an attack just a preference. oh and my mate to my knowledge isn't a huge fan either, he just got really funny with me for saying i was going to filter the posts. what do you guys think? | nta | of course you're nta. you know it, it's sad news, why would you want to keep hearing about it. | nta. definitely nta. its ok to be a fan of an artist/celebrity but also not want to hear endlessly about their death. also, you can use reddit for whatever you damn well please, that’s why the filters exist in the first place. grieve (or don’t!) in your own way bud. | 2 |
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