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9ugphr | aita for not talking to a girl as much after she said she wasnt into me? | i was interested in this girl. we have a couple of classes together and spent a lot of time together. long story short, she isn't into me. we're still friends but lately i haven't been as proactive as i use to be. am i being an asshole? | nta | nta. if a person had to maintain close, active friendships with literally every person they tried to date, they would have no free time. | nta. neither of you owes the other one anything. if your interest in her was romantic and she told you she didn’t reciprocate those feelings, there’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself. | 3 |
9ugwfn | aita for wanting to leave my roommate to move home, after i've been helping her cover her bills and covering over 80% of rent? | the title kinda says what's up, and it's gone on for several months now, of me dumping all my money into rent and her bills, and shes spending all of her financial aid on art supplies. she does cover the electric bill, but i cover internet and utilities. we did start off as a relationship, after 1 1/2 years moved in to pursue college together, but broke up after she would ask to be with my friends when i wouldn't be there. i also am the only one with a car, and i've driven her everywhere that's necessary, but me driving 2 hours every day because she got a job that's 30 mins out is ridiculous. the week after we broke up, she started dating my best friend, but in a secret let's not tell him kind of way. shes pursued all of my friends at this point, and it makes me hate myself for not drawing the line sooner. she also got her kid back from her ex, and now they both are here, and they are both dependant on me. i'm only 19, shes 23 and i cant have all of this put on me, she also quit her job after i got fired, then berated me for bot having a job after she got an interview to be a waitress the next day. which she didnt get. i dont intend to leave without at least paying my half of rent so that they will be stable to find another roommate, but she was going to leave to move in with my best friend a week after they started. then they broke up because my friend saw her selfish nature. i wish i wasnt in this situation to begin with, but its falling apart rn... | nta | nta. she's using you. you're only 19. you have no obligations towards her. she's a mom. she needs to step it up on her own and take care of her kid. that has nothing to do with you. not your problem anymore. leave as soon as you can and don't look back. enjoy your youth. | nta. she seems to be taking advantage of you... like a lot. it's obviously going to be tough for her to deal with initially, but you can't be held responsible for everything in her life. she's a grown woman and shouldn't expect you, a 19 year old, to care for her and her child. you should leave now before it gets any worse. | 1 |
9uh69o | aita for distancing myself from a friend who was once really good to me? | throwaway account just in case friends see this. tldr at the end. backstory: i've been friends with my college roommate for about 8 years. we had some problems living together, but now that we're not, we've gotten really close and for a while, we were inseparable. when i got divorced two years ago, she was my rock. she let me move in with her immediately, i stayed with her for a month while i looked for my own place. she was always there for me and was a great friend throughout it all. but since all of that, i feel like she's been...changing a lot? or maybe i have? i don't really know how to explain it. she's very judgemental of others (including me) when she doesn't necessarily have her life together either. she has a lot of health problems and despite me trying to help her (encouraging her to eat better, exercise, etc.) she just continues to be really lazy and then complain about how awful she feels all the time. she got a dog who is the worst (and i love dogs, all of them). but this dog is awful, and she refuses to do anything about training it, just complains all the time. the house smells like urine 24/7 and she lets her dog do whatever it wants, including climbing all over me while i eat. she thinks it's cute and treats this dog like it's the most amazing thing in the world, despite the issues it's causing. she used to dogsit my dogs whenever i would travel, so i feel even more awful that i can't stand her dog. i don't want to take care of it because my dogs are well behaved and my house is clean - every time her dog comes over it pees on everything. but can i really say no when she's taken care of my dogs so many times in the past? she makes really awful financial decisions that i can't support, and does not take any sort of feedback or constructive criticism well. she will get extremely upset and go straight to crying or she'll just shut down. she's the definition of a "know-it-all" and even when i've pointed out to her that she might be being a bit rude by making me feel stupid, she will apologize but continues to do it. since my divorce i've found myself in a new place of bettering myself, my life and basically just getting my shit together, and she just keeps doing the same old same old while complaining about it. i hate to distance myself from her because she was so great to me in my time of need, but what can i do if she won't accept any feedback or make any effort? so, am i the asshole for pulling away from this friendship? it feels like it's at a standstill, and i want to be there for her like she was for me, but it feels like the type of situation where you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. tldr: my friend was there for me during a really rough time, but lately she's been really shitty and i'm debating if we should stay friends, but i feel bad because she was so good to me. | nta | nta. though she doesn't sound like she's in a good place right now. have you tried just sitting down with her and having a serious talk about all this? tears or not, power through it. if she doesn't want to listen, you aren't responsible for how she wants to live her life. | nta, you should always surround yourself with people who have traits that you aspire to embody, and you should never surround yourself with people who are going to drag you down into misery with them. however, this does not mean that you ought to totally cut your friend out of your life. i would suggest that you get out there and try to find some new, better friends to spend time with but still keep some contact with your old friend. | 4 |
9uhpy4 | aita for not attending the funeral for a friend's three day old son? | a friend of mine found out at their 12 week scan that their baby was not developing properly. the doctors recommended they wait until 16 weeks to see if there was improvement before making any decisions. the 16 week scan revealed that things had gotten much worse instead of better. the doctors are pretty clear at this point that they do not believe this baby will survive birth. my friends continue to get scans every two weeks which keep painting progressively worse outcomes for their baby. ultimately they decide to ignore the medical advice and continue with the pregnancy in the hope that everything will work out. they did not consider abortion due to religious beliefs. the baby did manage to survive birth but predictably passed away naturally as life support would only prolong the inevitable for this baby. as a father myself, i cannot comprehend putting my partner through a full term pregnancy and birth while also having to support my daughter as she witnesses her three day old brother die. on top of that having many medical and funeral expenses which i can't afford. the doctors were crystal clear, this baby would not survive. the invitation to the funeral included a sentence about preferring donations instead of flowers to presumably cover medical and funeral costs as my friend is not well off by any means. i could have gotten the day off work unpaid to attend but chose not to and instead of donating i wrote them a card and made some sweet treats for their 3 year old daughter. aita for not attending the funeral and helping with medical/funeral costs? | nta | nta. it's an awful situation all around, but you sent a card and a thoughtful gift for their daughter. you're not obligated to pay for their medical bills, and you offered them your condolences. you don't need to approve of their decision, but you can support them as a friend. i can't imagine how someone could let their spouse go through birthing a child that won't live, but you can support them as people who have suffered from a loss. if you feel like you need to do more, you could make dinner for them in a month. people get bombarded with food at funerals but may end up feeling forgotten and lonely after some time has passed. | nta as you don’t have to give anything. don’t be too hard on the judgement. they had a horrible decision to make, and suffered a traumatic loss, no matter if it was midterm or fullterm. | 189 |
9uhst1 | aita for telling my friend’s mom that she is the main source of why he cannot have sustainable relationships, and therefore his depression? | so a little background here: i was a senior captain on a division i sports team last year. about a month before our championships, one of the freshman stopped showing up to practice. when i confronted him, he told me he had severe depression and was thinking about hurting himself. i stayed with him that night listening to him and telling him about my own struggles. the next day i walked him to campus counseling, and they admitted him to a psychiatric hospital for a few days. fast forward to two weeks ago. one of my former teammates let’s me know that he’s worried about him. i arrange to meet up with him after one of their competitions and he tells me how alone he feels. i suggest that he probably needs to put himself out there a bit more, especially with the ladies. i tell him he can reach out to me whenever. he basically yes’s me to death. unbeknownst to him, his mom is texting me thanking me for looking out for her son. i’ve known for a very long time that she is part of the problem. she has built up his self confidence to the point he has an incredible superiority complex that disallows for sustainable relationships. anyway, we texted today: friend’s mom- “did you talk to [son] this weekend? he saw a new psych on friday who said his 2 anti depressants may have been somehow making his lows even lower. put him on a different med which [son] started on friday.” me- “do you want my honest opinion?” friend’s mom- “of course” me- “i did. i tried to get him to study with me at some point this week but he would rather study alone and in his room. so i sent him a scientific study that provided empirical research that changing up your study environment actually helps you retain information better, but he told me, “he’s not interested in other people’s opinions.” (even though this is academic research). he doesn’t feel the need to “switch it ([his study habits]) up”. that dialogue tells me that your son is extremely rigid, and closed-minded. how do you, as a man of science, reject scientific research? that stubbornness/forthrightness combined with the pressure he puts on himself has undoubtedly served him well on achieving his goals. however, he disregards any blowback or things that might get caught up in his wake because “nothing can get in the way of me [(your son)] studying for the mcat.” this parochial mindset is not conducive to developing positive, successful relationships. and i believe a therapist/psychiatrist will have trouble making that assessment because we are all inherently biased when communicating with professionals. and what that philosophy reading conveys is the same tragic case —an uncompromising “moral” agent who feels removed and alone because of their seemingly “successful” approach to life has no room for adaptation.” friend’s mom- “i see what you’re saying. and i don’t disagree that he can be rigid and closed-minded. what do you mean about a therapist having trouble making that assessment? where does the bias come in?” me- “when we talk about ourselves, we are doing two things: 1. mis-remembering reality. when we experience an event, our brain does not store the actual event. our brain stores a condensed, easily accessible version of what took place. 2. misrepresenting ourselves. this is particular to those people who have trouble admitting their flaws. your son falls into this category in my opinion.” friend’s mom- “sure, we remember things like we think it happened or like we want it to have happened. [son] has trouble opening up and appearing vulnerable. he probably does it better with me than with anyone.” me- “yes, i figured. and, respectfully and sincerely, i think that’s a big part of the problem. your son has a superiority complex that i believe has been fueled by you. now, i’ve never been a parent, so i don’t know where the balance between instilling self-confidence and promoting ruthless, unwavering hubris lies. but you may want to seriously reflect your role in developing your son’s self-aggrandizing behavior.” me, a few hours later- “i’m sorry if i offended you. you asked for my honest opinion. i really do want your son to get better” i feel like an asshole but i also feel like it needed to be said. i sincerely care about her son because i was in a terrible place my sophomore year, and i feel a certain personal responsibility. am i the asshole? | yta | yta. stop being an armchair psychologist and trying to "treat" this person. he's not your responsibility and you don't know him, his mother, or their situation well enough to even have an ounce of credibility towards critiquing their situation so thoroughly - all you have was a kid who confided in you a little. you're not his therapist or his psychiatrist. he has those, and they're the ones who are qualified, not you - so let them do their jobs. if you want to help, then be there for him when he's having a hard time, but without your pushy opinions. | yta for making me read this screed that boils down to, "i armchair psychoanalyzed a friend and pinpointed his mother as the problem faster than you could say sigmund freud." your chain of reasoning: he is depressed > because he is lonely > because he can't hold a relationship > because he is to narcissistic > because of his mom. that is quite the chain. ​ i think you jumped the gun with the mom, i think you honestly believe you are helping, but at this point the best you can do is 1) be there for your friend if they need you and 2) leave the diagnosis and analysis to the professionals. | 76 |
9uhwid | wibta if i decided not to reconnect with my estranged father? | recently my father, who i haven't seen since i was 4-years-old (i'm 27 now), messaged me on facebook to tell me that he might be dying, so naturally i felt compelled to respond. but, after speaking with him a bit through facebook messages i found out that he's just going to get some additional medical tests after having a somewhat concerning urine test during a routine physical — something his doctor told him could indicate a \*possible\* cancer diagnosis. which still would not necessarily mean that he's about to die. he has learned nothing yet and i felt that his initial message to me was a little deceptive. i understand why he would take the opportunity to try to get me to talk to him, but i reallllly don't like feeling as though i'm being manipulated. even though i felt this way i said that i would be open to speaking with him on the phone in the future, but that i needed some time to feel comfortable doing so. he suggested we talk over the weekend, but i never responded to his message, since i'm still not feeling super comfortable engaging with him and he is not in fact dying. then, come sunday, i received another message from him, clearly irritated that i did not call him. now, i feel pretty confidant that i don't want to reconnect with him. he's been trying to get in touch with me off and on for the past couple of years, but since he abruptly left my life 23 years ago i haven't really felt inclined to reconnect. and, even before he left my life completely he treated me pretty terribly, leaving me places unattended, talking poorly about my mother in her absence - something she never did, and he just always made me really uncomfortable. i don't like that he manipulated me into speaking with him initially and i don't like that he's already expressed anger towards me. i feel like there's nothing to gain from this relationship, so i don't know why i would continue trying to reconnect. and, just the thought of speaking to him triggers a sense of fear and anxiety within me. my friends are concerned that if i don't speak to him at some point that i will eventually regret not knowing him and feel horrible when he does die eventually. but...i don't think i will. i feel like i already know him, and he's not a great guy. i love the family that actually raised me so much, they're my favorite people and i don't feel like i'm missing out on anything. so, would i be the asshole if i just didn't try to reconnect with him? ​ | nta | nta. my dad's mom left him when he was 4, and he never heard from her until his 20s. she's a mean person, and the few times he met her mostly cemented all the negativity he'd built up over his life towards her. your father made his bed, you have no responsibility to undo his actions. | nta, but part of me feels you might regret it just like your friends are saying. i hope i'm wrong and you dont because he treated you horrible. any person that leaves their kids like that is an asshole. you dont owe him anything, so you're not an asshole for not wanting to talk to him again | 13 |
9uhy3g | aita for considering a break up with my girlfriend of 14 months after she kicked my dog out? | 6 months ago my girlfriend (19f) and i (21m) moved out of our parent's houses and into an apartment together. my dog max is very chill. he doesn't like children or other dogs, but tolerates them unless they get in his face. max had never bit a person before her though. she and my dog have never gotten along for whatever reason. she has taken snapchat videos of him sitting in his crate growling at her, and has taken multiple pictures of the bite marks he has left on her. we tried many behavioral changes, and some days were better than others. two weeks ago after an incident we decided to take max to the vet where he was checked out, given blood work, and ultimately put on a low dosage of prozac. things were going very well. for example thursday my girlfriend stayed home while i was at work and give max a bath and they had a great time cuddling and watching netflix. however on friday i get a call 2 hours into my shift that max had bit her and was acting very aggressively. my girlfriend called my parents and had them pick him up and keep him. my parents love max so i know he's well taken care of and i can visit whenever i want. but max has been my dog for 9 years. he has been with me through so much, i have a hard time not getting a lump in my throat thinking about him missing me. i know my girlfriend tried to deal with max, but he proved to be too difficult for her to manage. that scares me about the future, what other situations are going to be too difficult to manage? am i blowing this out of proportion and being an asshole? should i break things off with a girl who would do anything for me to be with my dog? | yta | yta not only for repeatedly expecting your girlfriend to be bit by an aggressive dog, but also prioritizing an aggressive dog over a human relationship and safety. what you should do is show this post to your gf so she can know exactly how little you think of or care for her safety, that way she can find someone who actually gives a shit. you already knew this dog was aggressive and you continued to put her in harms way for an aggressive dog. 100% ta. and everyone making excuses for and aggressive dog and blaming the gf is ta too. | yta, 1000x over. just wow. | 28 |
9ui1ge | aita for fucking hating my autistic brother? | i'm 14m my brother is 16m so he's been around my whole life. he's objectively bloody annoying. he talks about the same stuff over and over again no matter how often you say that he's already told you that. in addition he will sometimes have violent hysteric meltdowns where he will scream and flail around. strangely enough i've never been to bothered by him in the past. i've just always been used to it i guess. he used to be so much worse to. his meltdowns are *a lot* less frequent but they also bother me a lot more. i don't know why but i've come to fucking hate everything about him, his annoying, whiny voice, his stupid-ass face, the way he always skipps about the hallways. everything about him irritates me to no end. i avoid seing him as much as possible because if i do i just end up wanting to punch a hole in his stupid face. i reckon i've been feeling a bit rubbish lately so maybe that's why but it seems unlikely. i have no idea where this is coming from. he is getting less annoying but i'm getting more annoyed. it doesn't make sense. i think i might already know the answer but i just need to ask: am i the asshole? | nta | it sounds like you're experiencing some increased irritability. it happens, and can result from any number of things. are you getting enough sleep? are there any other stressors in your life right now that could be wearing down on you? is it possible that you might be depressed (for which increased irritability is a symptom)? regardless, nta. it doesn't matter that your brother is autistic here; anyone could have annoying behaviors that you might be locking on to, abnormal or not. look up some coping mechanisms for general irritability. take care of yourself, op. | nta - as long as you don't act on this feeling. ​ you probably need some more "you" time. or maybe more exercise, sleep? lots of reasons why his normal self could be bothering you more now. | 20 |
9uiobt | aita for dumping a mentally ill girl? | i'm in highschool sophomore year. there was this girl and i thought she was cute and just shy so i talked to her and got her number and talked to her for a couple weeks. things were moving quick and i was already uncomfortable. then things got crazy. she was texting me like 50 times in an hour begging me to respond. and also, i found out that she goes to special ed classes and she didn't tell me. and there were a couple signs that told me she was slow. but i still rode the crazy train. and then the straw that broke the camels back. i found at that she's been mutilating herself (cutting her arms) and she's depressed and a bunch of stuff. so i dumped her and told her there were too many crazy things that i didn't know about her that she didn't tell me before we got into a relationship. aita? | nta | 60/40. normally i would say nta but you ignored the flags. you might want to alert somebody (school, parents, pastors, ect) about her self harm though. | nta. you're under no obligation to date anyone for any reason, and you are not responsible for another's mental health. | 5 |
9uistd | aita for not forgiving my brother? | important context this happened about 4 years ago, almost 9 years ago my wife and i lost our child due to being stillborn and we haven't tried having kids since. fast forward to the event i'm making a trip with my wife to pick up my brother from the airport. he is in a sour mood from the flight and apparently he just didn't have a great time. he then starts ranting about how much drama is in his life and that not everything needs to pertain to me and my wife which is a point he brought up. i'm lost on his tirade and just stayed silent because it's not the first time he has done things like this, idling while he digs anything and everything as 'ammo'. then he gets to the point he wanted to say that i need to get over my daughter deaths. "you need to get over your dead daughter and go fuck yourself". this has me beyond angry, but my wife isn't paying attention while she is currently driving. i of course repsond telling him to go fuck himself and his response is to reach in the front seat and attempt to punch me. this ends with me lunging into the backseat at 70mph down the highway choking my brother out. wife stomps the brakes and pulls me off him. the rest of the car ride was quiet. so now my family is super pissed it's been years since i've even talked to him and they want me to to make up with him since he is willing to appologize for doing "nothing", he told everyone that i just attacked him with no reason. they want us to be able to spend time together doing christmas and thanksgiving and want to invite us both. so am i the asshole my family thinks i am? | nta | you're nta for reacting angrily, definitely the asshole for jumping around a moving car going 70+mph with other cars around. | nta your brother definitely is a huge asshole though. your brother sounds toxic and you are completely in the right to not have him in your life. that being said, if he is in your family you should be able to go to family gathering with him being in the same room. you don't have to talk to him, just be civil for the sake of the family. | 15 |
9uj1ok | aita for telling off and cutting my friend out of my life after she stole from me, lied about me and got back with an abusive partner? | so me and this person have been friends for almost a decade. we've done a lot of friends stuff together. movies, sleepovers when we were younger, road trips, etc. anyhow, things began to get bad when my local newspaper that i work hired amy(not her real name) to work under me. things were okay for a while until she started ditching me to hang out with her new partner, leaving me to take photos and write for the paper. because she was a friend and it would look bad on me, i said nothing to anyone but her in private. she then told me her partner was emotionally and a physically abusive to her. she showed me messages he sent, pictures of bruises, very troubling stuff. and i helped her break up with him. he know me enough to know my number and would call me and i would either ignore it or conjure some excuse. they got back together and she started ghosting again. for 4 days, she made no effort to communicate and kept her phone off. finally she messagged me telling me that she told her boyfriend everything we said in private and that she was cutting me out of her life. to better their relationship then after i got angry, she ignored me only to message me a few days later saying that he read our messages and made her write that. we met in private because she didn't want to leave any cyber trail, and she told me she was going to get a restraining order on him and move back with her family. but he had stolen her money before she left. so i gave her $500 to go to her parents(they live on the other side of the country). however as soon as she leaves, i noticed the camera for work is gone. suddenly she blocked me on everything and my friend tells me that they were still together. i finally caved and told the newspaper what it happen and managed to keep my job, but i had to buy back the camera and it's expensive lenses. so now i'm down $2,000. people keep telling me that she saying i was lying to her and incredibly controlling and blackmailed her into sexual stuff over her job and when she refused, i got her terminated. those lies hurt more than anything. i lost several good friends because of this. that was a month ago. a few days ago a strange number kept calling me, i thought it was a robo caller until i noticed that they kept calling a lot more frequent. i answered the phone and it was her. she said she wanted to talk to me in private and i said no and hung up. and that brings us to friday, i came home to find her in front of my house begging to talk to me. i told her i had nothing to say to her and that i know about all the lies. she tried countering and saying she was sorry and she wants me and her boyfriend in her life. that she knows he's abusive but he cares for her and is trying to get help for his temper. she tried to apologize as i tried to unlock my door. as i'm getting inside, she catches the door and attempts to get into the house and lost it. i started screaming at her to get out. after a bit to collect myself. i told her i'd had enough. i said something like "you lied to me, stole money and a camera off me. i want you to remember how scared he made you feel the first time he punched you and you deserve it the next time it happens because you're still with him", i slammed the door. she tried knocking a bit without saying anything and then she left. haven't heard from her since i shouldn't have said that last part, i definitely didn't mean it like that, but i'm not going to apologize or say another thing to her. she's done so much to me in the past couple of months that that would just open another way for her to continue this cycle. she's cut contact with most of her friends, she doesn't talk to her parents and i've told them the basis of what's going on but won't go into detail. i do care for her but i tried to help and she stabbed me in the back. tl;dr: friend i work with tells me partner is abusive, lies to get money off me to leave him, steals my work camera, gets back with him, then attempts to come back into my life and i snap and tell her off in the worst way possible. | nta | nta she sounds just as toxic as her abusive boyfriend. | nta. and i’m concerned that you think you might be in this situation, dude. you did absolutely nothing wrong. | 3 |
9uj2uq | aita for ignoring the girl who rejected me? | i'm in college and was studying frequently with her. we connected well and i asked her to get dinner with me. she jokingly said i'll have to wait many months before that's possible. it was clearly a no but i was hurt that she conveyed it that way. i later found out from her friend that she's catholic and doesn't wanna date anyone till later. that made sense but i was still hurt shed turn me down like that. further today i see her in the corridor, and go back to texting on my phone. didn't greet or anything. later found out from her friend that she called me an asshole for blatantly ignoring her and not greeting her despite seeing her. i feel naive, but think i did the right thing. i disliked her for what she did and i wanted her to feel hurt. what do you think? | yta | just because you think you're a r/niceguys, that does not mean that you can be a complete asshole and ghost someone you could've considered a friend when shit doesn't go your way. yta | yta for doing it because you wanted to hurt her. you got rejected. it happens. she didn't owe you a date. | 57 |
9uk845 | aita for not wanting my brother’s girlfriend included in everything and getting upset he’s now taking her on our trip and telling me i can’t go? | my brother has been seeing a girl for close to a year now. he really loves her and is planning to propose but i’m still getting used to her as a person. for me, she’s very overwhelming and somewhat difficult to tolerate (she’s loud, interrupts a lot, always needs to add her opinion instead of just listening.) every year we have a family christmas dinner. just my parents, brother and me. even if we are in our own relationships, it’s always only the 4 of us. my parents said we “have to” invite her this year. despite the fact that she’s already spending thanksgiving with us and inviting her brother and his girlfriend (who we’ve never met). on top of this, my brother and i were planning on going to disney world next year. we were supposed to go this year but couldn’t because of work. last week he said to me, “hey i know you wanted to come but i’m taking the girlfriend instead.” my brother is my best friend. we’re immigrants and only really had each other as kids, so to be pushed aside hurts. am i the asshole for getting frustrated? i don’t consider her family so i don’t understand now why she has to go to all our family holiday celebrations and how it’s ok for my brother to now take her on vacation and i have to stay behind. it sucks. | nta | nta about the trip. kicking you out is a dick move. you need to get used to everything else though. she's going to be family soon and kind of already is. make an effort to politely ask her not to interrupt you. | nta - 1) if your brother is going to propose then she is becoming family and will be present for holidays, that part you just have to get used to. 2) you had a special brother/brother trip planned. that's bull shit that he's canceling on you to take her. i'd be hurt as well. and you should tell your brother, that dropped from the brother trip is painful. | 7 |
9ukagw | aita for lying to a family of 4 i need of help | i was at kroger today at night and a family of 4 looked well but then tell me they were waiting for the father's boss to come and give him his paycheck but they say the boss never showed then asked if i can give them a ride to their motel 20 mins away (said they are getting an apartment when the check came in) . then i lied and said i have to be somewhere in 15 mins. they asked if i could spare some money and i had $50 bill in my wallet but i'm a college student and looking for a job (still 18 and i was at kroger shopping for my mom). i told them i only have credit and they left. now the thing is i don't know how they ended up at kroger that's 20 mins away from motel with no money at all and have all the kids with them. i'm not trying to get robbed or anything so i just lied so aita. summary: don't know if family of 4 lied about needing a ride or money. | nta | nta. this smells fishy, and was possibly some type of scam that would have ended up with you getting taken advantage of and/or robbed. | nta, it is not your responsibility to provide anyone with anything. the reason it seamed to be a scam was..... it was 99% a scam. | 3 |
9ukgxx | aita for almost hitting a bike on a right turn when he’s going the wrong way? | it’s night time and i’m driving, going to a right turn and check my blind spot while drifting into right lane. i look forward as i come close to the intersection and there is a guy on a bike without lights in the bike lane going towards me, obviously the wrong way. this is one of those roads where the bike lane is to the right of the car lane. i brake and swerve to the left, he yells at me and kicks my door as i narrowly pass him. who is the asshole here?? | nta | nta. cyclists have the same responsibilities as drivers. if he did the same thing in a car, you wouldn't be asking the question at all. | nta. i almost hit a cyclist while on a road with a 45 mph speed limit. he decided to turn around, so he took the crosswalk, while i had a green light and was 2-3 car lengths away. i remember taking my foot off the gas and thinking that he would stop, no one could be that dumb. he was that dumb. by the time he hit the median area he was going super slow, but kept going. at that point i was in the intersection, still had a green light, slamming on my breaks, and (slightly) swerving to try to avoid him. he turned almost into the median, it was super close. even trying as hard as i could, there wasn’t enough time to stop before hitting him. he got super stupid lucky. and then he flipped me off. like it was *my* fault that he decided to use a crosswalk on a green light while someone was almost in the intersection and at speed. luckily, there weren’t any other cars nearby and i was paying enough attention to him to not hit him. cyclists should be just as aware of their surroundings, if not more so, than cars and pedestrians. they also have to follow the rules of the road, it’s incredibly dangerous to everyone when they don’t. | 1 |
9ukjhd | aita for sending my teacher an aggressive email anonymously | a few days ago, my 10th grade english teacher (who we'll call mrs n) gave us an extremely hard test that we as a class were unprepared for. needless to say, the class did extremely poorly, with the average score being a 55%. the following day she proceeded to berate and blame my class for having done so poorly on the test, even though we had only spent about a week and a half on the material, and (at least i believe) that when a class does so poorly on a given test, it is the teacher's fault for making the test too hard. over the weekend, i, while still being mad at her, decided to send her an angry email. i will put a copy of the email as the first comment, but essentially, it was very passive aggressive, blaming her for everything and insisting that not count the test as part of our grade. i sent this email from a throwaway email address not associated with my name, and signed it as being from the students of all of her gifted program classes. a thing to note however is that while i was the only one who wrote the email, the sentiments were shared by almost all the students. today in class, mrs n confronted all of her classes by acting extremely disappointed. she threatened to punish the all of her students for this. furthermore all of my fellow classmates, along with mrs n, are mad at the person who did this, but i believe that my classmates are simply mad because they might get in trouble, but they agree with what i said. so aita? and aita to my classmates or my teacher or both? | yta | yta, but i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s out of inexperience and immaturity rather than innate prickishness. we’ve all taken a test that we’ve been unprepared for, and yes, sometimes it’s because the material has been poorly taught. the best option is to take the hit and gripe about it during study hall, because an f on one test taken sophomore year is the smallest of potatoes when considering the great salad sampler of your life. anonymous anything is an asshole move. if the entire class truly felt done dirty, then you should have approached your teacher as a unit, explained your frustrations and the reasons behind them to her face. you may not feel respect for her as a teacher in this moment, but if you want her to respect your opinions, you have to be willing to put your face on them. and it’s pretty assy to put words in the mouths of your fellow students. yes, i know you say they all agree with you, but you were the one who wrote the letter - presumably your classmates had no input into the content of your email. and now they have to face the consequences of your actions, because you gave yourself the authority to speak for them. that’s just salt in the wound. | yta. yes the test may have been hard but unless this is her first year teaching i doubt that she hadn't given a similar test before. your message to her tried to completely put all of the blame on her while failing to take any responsibility for yourself. i get it that you are still young but if you go to college there is a good chance you will experience things like this again. really the only reason you probably don't experience more of it now is because teachers are encouraged in most public schools to pass their students along. were there things on the test that haven't been covered in class? were there things on the test that while covered in class it wasn't covered correctly? the test may have been a bit too hard for the level, or it could be that she is doing what she should do and showing that things will no longer be tailored to you and that you may have to work hard to do good. the fact that she is giving you a lifeline with extra credit is actually pretty nice of her. the one thing that makes me hesitant of calling you an asshole is just your age and the immaturity that comes with it that wants me to give you the benefit of the doubt. however, your e-mail was terrible and you shouldn't be proud of that. yes, the entire class was upset about it but it is one thing to just talk amongst yourselves about it or even to talk with the teacher personally about your views of it but instead you did an anonymous email that will do nothing but cause resentment and further issues. her job isn't to get your respect and i doubt she really cares that much if you guys and her are besties. her job is to prepare you for the real world which seeing from your post is something you still have a long way to go for. right now you are the asshole to both your teacher and your classmates for doing this. i doubt you'll fess up to this even though i think you should as it could be a good learning opportunity and one of personal growth. | 10 |
9ul08r | aita for not accepting the "friend zone" and lashing out after coming to my senses and realizing i've been an ass to myself for letting myself be lead on? (long rant) | i'm pretty sure i have my own asshole-ness to bear in this tale, and i imagine the title condemns me already. this happened a while ago, but my anxious mind can't let go of it, and it's turned into bitter obsessive thoughts i can't get over and it's. sometimes you wish you could just purge your mind, you know? they say that writing about something can help you cope with it, so here we go. ​ i (m26 at the time) met an attractive girl (f19) in college. large age gap, i know. software development course, so there are hardly any. cute, fun, immature, sexual and promiscuous and flirtatious (possibly a nymphomaniac). bit of a tomboy interest wise, yet feminine. everyone joked she had daddy issues, which she felt really self conscious about. commonly attracted to the "bad boys". had a boyfriend, and complained how much he verbally abused her, or didn't pay enough attention. a lot of people were kind of shocked to find out she had one given how she acted. surrounded herself with people who supported (or enabled) and validated her, and flirted with half the men in the class (including a teacher in his mid 40s) great at playing the victim, although i don't doubt she was one. i was naive myself, and felt sorry for her but at the same time did not trust her. she would say emotionally neglectful, or patronizing things to others and did not understand why they were hurtful. she was not totally cold hearted, and seemed to be longing for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. needy for empathy, yet almost incapable of giving any, yet capable of feeling guilt especially when those things were pointed out to her. she would push that guilt deep down inside. had very proud, and judgmental gay bff (m29) who acted like a protective parent over her. imagine trying to get with a girl while daddy is always watching. seemed like a codependent relationship to me. had gay friend ones who called these kind of men "f\*g hags". which was kind of shocking to me. ​ i am blunt, somewhat conflict seeking and probably a bit of a contrarian. the way i was able to confidently stand up for myself when challenged by others and not get pushed around seemed to attract her. i was very conflicted about her, and probably guilty myself of leading her on a little. used lots of little other techniques to build attraction. the kind stuff you would probably hear from a pick-up artist today, that generally mostly work on emotionally damaged girls but i more or less naturally picked up over the years from my own experience. don't want to get into details on that. i feel a bit manipulative for having done so myself. i think almost every guy pretends to have more confidence, or less insecurities than they do when meeting women. i try to stand my ground, keep my head up and stand up for myself or what's right most of the time. so i can come off as a bit pretentious as i try to keep myself together under pressure, but put myself in situations where i adopt a lot of responsibility and take a lot of pressure. ​ eventually she started dating another guy her age (m19 lets call him mike), even though there was a kind of attraction between us, it was mostly platonic. she got bored with him after a week. started nagging on him about the features she didn't like, and chastising him for them. plus suggesting he buy her jewelry. she was getting frustrated he didn't initiate any kind of sexual interactions yet. walking right behind me and talking full volume with her bff. maybe they were sending me a message. her bff tried to tell her that maybe she should initiate something sexual. couple days later she starts ghosting him. cold shoulder treatment. he acts like he doesn't know whats going on. chases after her like a dog still thinking he can make things up, but he's in the "doghouse", as they say. at the same time she starts pursuing me. following me at lunch, while he's following her around trying to fix things but having no idea how and maybe not even knowing what he did. starts calling mike a pathetic looser, and talking about how she "needs someone older and more mature" in front of me to send me the message she was ready to "upgrade". never broke up with mike, because admitting to the fact they were dating (kind of) would mean admitting to herself she was cheating on her long time boyfriend. she loved bringing up polyamory. she was onto people knowing she was cheating on her bf, and used it as a kind of passive aggressive (not sure thats the right term to describe it) defense of her behavior, while never admitting to being polyamorous herself. a good way to escape the idea, and create plausible deniability about her cheating. a way to avoid feeling guilty and not take responsibility it seemed to me. no one really believed that idea and it became kind of an inside joke. i kept my distance, but stupidly enough still kept occasionally joking around with her in a flirtatious manner. i was stupid and indecisive and it pissed her off. at one point i kind of teased her about 90% of her 800 facebook friends being male, which really pissed her off. i'm probably an ass for being jealous of all those guys myself. i kind of hinted at why i was not making a move, but she resented me for it. we shared some of the same friends. after this most of them turned on me, especially after i regretted it, because now i started to get the cold shoulder from most of her friends. ​ then there was the fact our final group project pretty much devolved into "lord of the flies". everyone was moody and sleep deprived. i made an easy target because her bff already hated me for criticizing his precious little innocent girl. he saw her sexual and attention addictions as more of form of liberating sexual expression it seemed. he thought that if she just found the right guy all her issues would magically disappear. i think i kind of believed that too at the time. plus her other male friends generally didn't say anything about her because they were all thirsty af (we're nerds in programming. what do you expect.), and didn't want to ruin their chances. which she of course was pretty happy about. i regretted it because now i was the one send to the "doghouse". she was gloating and basking in my misery at that point. went from being sad and disappointed and thinking she was not good enough because i did not ask her out, to an almost sadistic state. i guess my regret was seen as more validation to her. i found it baffling how someone who complained about her bf not showing her enough empathy and abusing her, could go and do the same thing to others. i think this explanation makes sense, though. it's an mma fighter who was picked on as a kid talking about bullies becoming abusive because they learn it from their parents. i think it's not out of the question that people can get that from fractured relationship with their significant other. she treated her friends better than the men she got into relationships with. although, naive about other people's feeling she was generally kind and sweet to me before this. ​ at college grad night we all got pretty drunk. i felt like i was on the verge of a mental break down at this point. i already had work burnout before college from stressful shift work job, and it started to come back in these last few months. some minor issues at home at the time as well, but they they were not a big a deal, it just all snowballed from all sides. at the end of the night she was pretty wasted, and still pretty proud of herself. she went up to me, tousled my hair, and said to me in patronizing tone in what i believe was a final act of revenge: "you know, you're a "nice guy" and i would like you to be my friend.". she then got up pointed and yelled at another guy i knew across the room who got her number: "call me!". maybe i was being paranoid, and this "friending" was well intended, but given her recent behavior it just felt like a way to spite me. a final dagger in the back. ​ the guy who got her number didn't last 2 days with her. maybe he seemed more attractive when she was drunk. dude was sad for a few months. i don't know if she used him to spite me or if it actually was well intended on her part. the thing is that in my attitude at the time everything she did seemed like it was aimed to spite me. it may have just felt like that at the time because that's the lens i was seeing things through. it's tough to see things objectively when you're stressed. luckily i had some friends to back me up. they pretty much tried convince me she was a horrible, narcissistic, human being, while at a party she was not invited to. but not before letting me know how pathetic i was for still believing in her. ​ a month later we all had a bbq for the company we wrote the program for. she was there and you could tell she was having her own nervous break down. no more men to flirt with now that she had a real job (i'll get to the trouble she caused there later). i was being a moron again and assumed that maybe she had changed. she seemed to show remorse or some kind of regret. i, a friend of ours and her, all went out one night. i think i was the one who organised it. stupid mistake looking back on it. i still had faith that things could go somewhere, or that i could make things up somehow and that i owed her something because i felt guilty and belittled. she on the other hand came there hoping i was again the confident, funny, and charming guy she first met, before i let her walk all over me and send me on a guilt trip. really i was probably closer to the mental and physical state to that of a meth addict by now. and she let me know it by shitting on me some more. took a group selfie and proceeded on talking on how creepy and pathetic i looked in it. (probably had like 10 hours of sleep that entire week.). this was her way of improving her boyfriends. not by encouraging, or supporting, but by insulting and nagging. when i told her how some of the guys at the party she was not invited to thought she was bat shit crazy, she bit her lower lip in a masochistic way and wanted to know which one. she liked one of the guys that did not put up with her bullshit, treated her like garbage, and called her out on all her needy crap. seemed to find it hot. he had the confidence not to put up with it all, so i guess that makes sense. ​ i had to drive her home, where she commenced on telling me how sad and lonely she was. yup, now that i did not measure up i had turned into her full blown emotional tampon. the guy she had no more respect for, but was still good enough to listen to her problems. i tried to share my own, but she pretty much told me to stop whining. so i just waited for her to finish whining while nodding my head. felt almost brain dead by now. i suggested that maybe she could join me in pickup soccer on the weekend, since she was desperate as hell to get out of the house. in my defense is she is a lot more likable when not in neurotic anxiety ridden state. it's a jekyll and hyde kind of thing, but i suppose that's exactly how i felt. ​ i felt disgusted with myself for the next few days. used and walked all over. i decided to message her, to ask about the soccer thing. she declined, and i asked where exactly we stand. where exactly is this going, and what are we? she insisted she would like to be friends. my brain snapped. i knew by now what "friends" meant to her given the context she used it in last time to spite me. i told her i had no interest in a one sided friendship where i'm being used. really can't remember a lot of the stuff i wrote, but i made it pretty clear how i viewed things. after a big long rant, i kind of apologized. which i kind of regret, because she latter used my apology as more validation that everything she does is ok. she acted like she accepted my apology and "we were good". we were not. lol. there was a facebook selfie every few hours for the next 3 days. all this did get her to finally drop her abusive long time bf, though. so i guess that's positive. ​ last i heard she flirted with a guy at work. got tired of him after she dumped her first bf finally, then ghosted the work guy who was now confused how this hot girl that flirted with him yesterday now won't even face him (same as mike and me i). he kept approaching her at his own peril. she made a facebook post asking people what she should do. personally i think she didn't want to take his fate into her own hands, so she handed the decision to a rampant bunch of thirsty men ("friends") for a trial by social media, who she knew would scream "off with his head" to create less competition among them. they did. lost his job. deserved on his part? just another casualty? ​ i still feel dirty for letting her walk all over me, but also because i kind of did this to myself. i didn't follow my instinct telling me to stay away. one head says "no" but the other head screamed "yes". don't think with your dick, i guess. but why the hell can't i get this crap of my conscience? trial by fire. let the hammer of judgement come down on me! aita? ​ | yta | yta. you make it very clear you don’t respect this girl, if you ever did before. you only ever talk about who she’s flirting with and a whole lot of assumptions about what she’s feeling, thinking, or trying to accomplish every time she enters a room. you don’t like the way she treats people? don’t associate with her. as far as i can tell, your every assumption about her wanting any sort of relationship past friendship is just that, an assumption. she talked loudly behind you. she acted nice / pissy at different intervals. so what. seems like every situation she’s in with you you assume 90% of her actions are revolving around you. manipulating you, trying to spite you, trying to make you like her. sounds like her life isn’t together. i’m sorry for her that you’re in it. there’s no ‘friend zone’ you denied. she opened up to you but didn’t want a relationship, and that makes you an ‘emotional tampon’? must really suck, wow. get over yourself. | yta. i just want to say that this whole diatribe you've written out is very hard to read, not because of its length, but really due to your perspective and the way you approach relationships. i do not think you approach relationships healthily enough even to begin with, so i suggest you stop worrying about the "friend zone" and probably see a counselor or therapist and stick with them. | 36 |
9ul17j | aita for being annoyed of my roommate and his new girlfriend? | o backstory here, i live in a 2 bedroom house with one other housemate. we have known each other for about 3 years are pretty decent friends. we used to live in a house with 3 other guys and this year we moved into a new place. it’s a really rad house with a cool yard. the only downside is the rooms are adjoining so it’s really esy to hear between the rooms or into the living room. also, since i make a lot money than my friend and didn’t want to live with a random, i agreed to pay about 60% more rent than him for a similar room. while this bothers me some times, i still liked it better than sharing a small space with another person i don’t know. more backstory: about the time we moved in my buddy had recently broke up with his girlfriend. i’m single too so naturally we have been living like savages and going out, getting hammered and generally having a good time. fast forward to about two months ago. i left for the weekend and on that saturday my friend called me to tell me he had hooked up with a chick. he had been slumping after breaking up with how girlfriend so i was happy for him. i come back that sunday to find his new girl was there, and she has been there pretty much every moment my roommate has been home since. if i come home before my roommate, his girlfriend is usually already there starting to make dinner. they bang a lot and it makes me feel awkward since it’s so easy to hear between the rooms. i know my friend has the right to have a girlfriend and i don’t want to stop him from doing that, but the issue is that she is literally always there, and they don’t ever really spend time at her house. most nights i’m home i feel like i’m awkwardly intruding on their dinner date, since most every night they cook dinner and watch a movie i and never go out. am i the asshole here for being annoyed by this? i feel like my house that i pay a lot of money for isn’t really my house anymore. obviously i’d want my friend to be ok with it if i had a girlfriend, but i feel like what they do is excessive since they’re at the house all day everyday and i never get to enjoy the house without having people over. | nta | nta. i think you really need to sit your room mate down and have a chat. let him know you're happy for him but you feel like you're a guest in your own home and that you'd like a few nights a week just to have some quiet, use the tv and relax. ask of he minds maybe staying at his girlfriends house one or two nights a week. if she's staying there all the time is she contributing to the house or at least making food for you as well? | nta, it is not unreasonable to wish for a couple days a week that your apartment is yours and there are no visitors. having constant company can make things get bitter quickly. or she can pay to be a permanent resident, if that would make it more acceptable to you. if you haven’t agreed to her as a permanent roommate, you need to talk to your roommate about it. what you have now is not what you signed up for, and you’re feeling like a third wheel in your own place. having boundaries is an important part of being an adult and preserving your own sanity. if he can’t respect your reasonable boundaries then he is not only a bad roommate, but a bad friend. the only way you’d be an asshole is if you would do the exact same once you got a girlfriend. imo if someone is not paying rent, they shouldn’t be there more than half the week, if that even. it’s healthy to have separate/diverse social lives. | 9 |
9ul4ra | aita for not giving away my spot? | so earlier today, i went to get gas while waiting for clothes to dry. it was around five so the gas station was already packed. i had a bit of trouble getting in so i decided to sit behind a guy that just started. it took a good while, and so when the person ahead of me pulls away i start pulling in when a lady in an suv comes out of nowhere from the opposite direction (that i'm facing) basically blocking my lane at a perpendicular angle. she makes a few hand gestures most likely telling me to back out. i throw my hands into a shrug and she drives away after a second. it should be said that i'm well into my lane i could easily park and start pumping i just prefer to have the tank right next to the pump. well a spot opens on the opposite side of my pump and she pulls in after circling the place once. as she gets to the pump she says loudly that some people are just *sooo* rude these days. i decided not to respond and not escalate anything. well not taking the silence well she follows up with... "you know i've been sitting there forever waiting for him to move" this time i responded with a lazy "well i was sitting behind him since he started" we have a quick back and forth talking over the pump(she never actually talked to my face) basically it seemed to me like she was just talking to make me feel more guilty. we finished our business and left it with me ending it with another lazy ok at her jaded remark. i actually laughed at the idea when she blocked me in the beginning if she wanted a spot she should have sat in line behind someone that was going the same direction as her. also she was nowhere to be seen when i entered(and if she was she would have been blocking traffic to stubbornly go into this particular pump). well i'm home now and i figured i'd actually ask since i'm a new driver if this is a common problem? i've driven for over a year and even across my state and have never encountered any problems with proper pump protocol like this but i don't know. what do you think? | nta | nta in my opinion they were the asshole but i’m also a newer driver and this stuff makes me so nervous. | nta. i just recently moved back to the uk and i do love that stations here normally have an exit and an entrance, so there is no issue with people coming in the other direction causing fights over the pump. | 1 |
9ul8kg | aita for asking my boyfriend to not tell his friends about our sex life? | to begin, this is a fairly new relationship. my boyfriend and i are in the same social group and i found out he had told two members of our friend group what we had done the other night. this had happened a couple weeks before as well and our friend told every other friend in our group. i had told him how i felt about it and explained that i didn't care if they knew everything else about our relationship, just not the details of our sex life, i feel that should just be between us. when confronted, he said they were close friends and that he can't hide anything from them. aita reddit? | nta | nta. if my partner did that in our friend group, he wouldn't have a sex life to tell the guys about | nta, your sex life is between the two of you, and is not anyone else's business. if you dont want to share details he should respect that. | 104 |
9uldjv | aita for saying no to going to formal with someone? | this boy who doesn’t go to the same college as me asked me to his lacrosse formal which is this saturday. he’s the roommate/teammate of my roommate's boyfriend and we’ve only met in person once. since meeting, we would snapchat a little, but lately not frequently at all. he mentioned the formal to me a couple weeks after meeting. he said that if we hung out again before the formal he wanted me to go with him. at this time, he didn’t officially ask me. he never mentioned when it was or anything else about it until tonight. i kind of assumed that he wasn’t gonna actually ask me because we hadn’t hung out since our first initial meeting. i don’t have anything to wear since it’s such short notice and i know that if i go, i’m going to have to get with him (which i’m not sure i wanna do) so i made up some bullshit lie about my friend coming to visit this weekend (i was nice about it though i promise!). all he replied was “bet” and when i apologized again in reply he left me on opened. this gives me the impression that he assumed that these plans were already kind of set and that i’m fucking it up by saying no even though i never actually agreed to anything. am i an asshole for saying no? i feel like he assumed that i was going to be his date and so now i’m playing dumb in order to justify myself (“well we didn’t hang out again so i'm not going”). i’m not explaining this very well, but i hope you know what i mean. thanks! | nta | nta. you owe this boy nothing | nta. but i do have to ask. what did you mean by “get with him?” sex? why would you even venture to think that you would owe anything to him? you barely know him. yes, i know, my response is based upon my own interpretation, so i could be off-base. but if i’m not - why?? hell no. | 1 |
9uln4y | aita for telling a friend about another friend’s idea? | i play a very unique mmorpg, and this mmorpg is very easy to make private servers of. private servers are essentially your own personal version of the game you can customize to your liking, which you can then allow other people to connect to and play with you. some unique private servers get very popular and can even make money. my friend told me his idea of making a private server for this game similar to fortnite. this friend has zero knowledge of programming or running a server, but sounded very willing to put effort into creating this. i was talking to another friend and ended up telling him my first friend’s idea. this second friend is a very good programmer and thought making this private server would be easy. we talked about how cool and fun this would be if it ever went live, and that was the end of that. a couple weeks later now my second friend has apparently undertaken this project of making the private server and my first friend caught wind of it and is upset with me. i told first friend he would never have made the server anyways because he lacked the knowledge and didn’t seem ambitious enough to learn how to do it. i also told him maybe he could just work on it with my second friend and be a co-owner or something. am i the asshole for telling my second friend about first friend’s idea? i didn’t tell him like i was trying to be sneaky or something in order to make money, i just told him how fun this idea would be and i guess he believed it enough to start working on it. i didn’t tell him where i had got the idea from either. ** | yta | yta. sorry, but you shared something that wasn't yours to share, so now your first friend knows they can't confide in you. it's not really about the idea or the execution thereof, but instead the breech of trust. you would have been better off saying to friend 1: "hey friend 2 is into coding, why don't we chat with them and see if they want to do this together?" | nta, unless he had very specific and unique plans for customizing the private server. other than that running a private server is hardly anything special, so i don't see you wbta for talking about that with someone. yta for > i told first friend he would never have made the server anyways because he lacked the knowledge and didn’t seem ambitious enough to learn how to do it ​ | 22 |
9um8eq | aita for blocking someone’s doors when i park | i recently moved into an apartment complex, been there for about 4 months now. we have assigned parking up until about a month ago the spot to my right was vacant. the person on my left assuming it’s a family always backs in their van directly on the line i assume because they load their family in on the other side and park towards the top of spot. we have pretty deep parking spaces i’ve learned to live with this by parking my car further back so everyone’s happy. i now have someone parking on the right of me now a new neighbor and for some odd reason they always turn their wheels when they park to the left. keep in mind we are on flat ground. but they turn their wheels unnecessarily onto the line if not into my spot completely (will attach photo to show) i don’t know why but i’ve been getting very irritated lately because it blocks my door and makes it difficult for me to park because both neighbors park closest to my lines on each side now most days i can angle my car in to the point where me and my girlfriend can get out but very tightly but some days when i see it i get really upset probably more than i should and have my girlfriend get out and i park into my space straight and block the person on my rights door just so it’s difficult for them to get into their car. hoping that they would thing wow i should stop parking this way. i also look at the car to the right of them as well to see if they’re making them park that way and that car is parked perfectly normal every time. i’ve seen them one time and asked them very nicely if they could stop turning their wheel to the left before parking because they’re always on the line and she scoffed and walked away. i don’t know how else to solve this problem. i could just suck it up and park so everyone wins and angle my car in but considering we pay $125 a month to park i don’t feel like i should have to park so uncomfortably every day. | nta | nta it's time to complain to the management company that (at least) the woman on the right is parking partially in your lane (because she is.) by the way, she's not in your space because she turns her wheel. she's in your space because she's not parking straight. document, document, document and complain to the management. in the mean time park as long as you remain within your lane (unlike the woman on your right) you are good. | nta. the lady who parks with wheels turned is, but apart from asking her to stop, i don't know what else you can do? | 2 |
9umdkl | aita for specifically not inviting my “friend” to go out with me and my other friends for my birthday? | my birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and i posted a status on my facebook asking who’d like to go out with me for my birthday. i also made a post on my instagram saying that nobody probably wanted to go out with me for my birthday and i was gonna be at home lonely. low and behold two of my really good friends, we’ll call them amy and jan for the sake of the story commented on the facebook status asking when and what were doing. i decided karaoke and maybe a few drinks. so its a done deal got plans set for my birthday. nowwww i have another friend named “beth” who left a comment on my instagram post. she just commented a skeptical emoji face on the instagram post along with the words hmmmmm, kind of implying she was there if i wanted to go out with her. a little back story on beth: she used to be my best-friend and we have some history together (3 years of friendship). our friendship ended at one point over a number of things but the main reason is that she tried to steal my current boyfriend. she’s always had to be the center of attention or dominant female in our relationship. i dont do well with these types of people, i dont care to compete especially when i dont view things in a competitive mindset. we both were involved with the same friend group and she was one of main reasons i left. i was the only other girl in the friend group and her need for constant validation from our guy friends and constant attention really started getting on my nerves. she would think it was jealousy when it was really just me getting irritated. she was so self centered that at one point she got mad that my boyfriend and i were hanging out without her and she was angry we weren’t working around her schedule to all hang out together. i stopped talking to her in oct and we reconnected at the beginning of this year around april. i kept my distance and i only consider her an acquaintance now. shes always trying to hang out with me and i’m just not feeling it anymore, i know she wants things to go back to the way they used to be but i just cant bring myself to get close to someone like that. shes been making advances by trying to be my gym buddy, trying to plan a time and day of the week to hang out every week which doesn’t really work with my schedule as it is sporadic. in a way i’ve mostly been ghosting her. im afraid if i invite her she’s going to once again make everything about her when it’s my special day. shes going to find some reason to start unnecessary drama and i’m just not here for it. she clearly wants to go and knows i’ve been avoiding contact with her. aita for not inviting her? | nta | nta for not wanting to include beth, possibly a little dickish if you made the arrangements with your other friends publicly where beth could see it (unclear). pro tip: you can avoid this kind of thing if you just ask the people you like to do stuff with you on your bday and not put out broad posts. i have learned the hard way that you inevitably get less response, and response from folks you may not be close to, and deal with a fair amount of hurt feelings, when you make a post signaling that you don't have plans. | nta she's been nothing but toxic and i see nothing that suggests she has changed so no reason to walk right back into her nonsense. keeping her at a distance is a smart move on your part. | 0 |
9umlk7 | aita for not feeling like talking to a friend | i have this friend. all he's life revlovs around is playing games and criticising people's life choice. he is a militant christian, and only listen to music from the 50s and earlier. i also play games, and he often wants to play. i just leave the message and don't read it, since most of the time i enjoy playing games alone. i have tried to tell him this 100 times, but every time i get the same reaction. : "oh why don't you play? i don't understand you lol" "why don't you want to play online?? i hate playing alone". i legit have to go offline on every sosial media to not get messages from him wanting to play. am i the asshole for not messagining him? and for not wanting to play with him? | nta | nta. on my xbox, i have 400 followers and have the same issues, except that i get <11 year olds that want to play because they’re bad and i responded to an lfg post. block him is my suggestion | nta. question, why are you friends with this guy? | 8 |
9uoc93 | aita for not wanting to share my chips | background: my company is doing a partnership job with a local company therefore we share a house. i’ve been in another country 4months. country is totally different culture & food wise. the job is in a rural area so there’s not a lot of options to eat/get food and i’m a little picky. i’ll be here two more months. i ask my company to send some snacks, the local guys asked if they can get a taste and ofc gave a bag, they liked it so much that now are eating my chips like is theirs even after i bought local chips as a way to let them know stop eating mine, locked mine and they are angry because i don’t wanna share. aita? | nta | nta. they are the assholes for not knowing boundaries between you and them. | nta, chips are serious business, and what if their hands are dirty? nope, protect your chips. | 2 |
9uocqi | aita for reporting a busdriver that used whatsapp on his phone while driving? | i saw him on his phone and reported him immediately after getting off the bus. i feel sort of guilty now, because i don't know what kind of consequences he will face. i reported him because i saw it as a threat for everyone (so many accidents caused by using phones while driving) and because i will feel unsafe as i use this busline daily. am i the asshole? | nta | nta. if there's anything worth taking seriously, it's safety. whatever consequences he will face is no one's fault but his. | nta i am flabbergasted that a person with that many lives at stake just being on the road, would further put those people in danger by checking his phone while driving. i would have done the same thing. | 1 |
9uovc1 | aita first this prank i pulled? | my first time here so sorry if this breaks any rules or anything. i played a prank on my friend yesterday. she applied for her first job at a local ski place. i thought it would be funny as a prank to text her, from a different number obviously, as someone from the ski lodge saying she got the job. they're not telling anyone if they've been hired until the 9th and she knows that because shes the one that told me that. she texted back thanking for the opportunity and being very grateful. i texted again and said "we are glad to have you we just need some details to get you started" i asked stuff like what days can you work and what hours. would you like to be paid by check or direct deposit. size of uniform. stuff like that. then i revealed after that if was me. i knew she would be mad but laugh at the same time. but she is just mad and said i'm messed up in the head and belong in an insane asylum. is this true? shes my best friend and never really says anything hurtful to me until that. after she said that she ignored me and my messages and still is. did i go overboard? am i really messed up in the head? she usually thinks these kinds of jokes/pranks are funny and i didnt mean it in a mean spirited way. | yta | yta and i think this was a particularly mean trick to play on your friend. | yta and have some issues. i could understand if you asked 1 or 2 weird/dumb questions, which no employer would think to ask, before revealing it was a prank, but asking >i asked stuff like what days can you work and what hours. would you like to be paid by check or direct deposit. size of uniform. stuff like that. all of that and building up your friend's hope and actually thinking she got the job is just cruel and not funny in the slightest. | 45 |
9uoxkr | aitah for kicking my husband out of the house after catching him performing oral sex on hiself? | we have been married for 15 years and i walked in our bedroom and he was performing oral sex on himself. we are very religious and oral sex is considered sodomy and homosexuality is not ok. this happened saturday and i haven't let him back in the house since. i talked with my pastor and he said that it's sin and he should enter consoling but my husband won't do it and said i shouldn't have told anyone about what he was doing. should i forgive him or force him to go to consoling for his sodomy and homosexuality. tl;dr: i caught my husband performing oral sex on himself and it's against my religion. p.s. i am not homophobic, it's just against my religion. please understand. | yta | yta, if you religion is homophobic then you are homophobic. | yta. this is masturbation not homosexuality. if someone masturbates with their hand, it is not because they are attracted to themselves. i think sodomy has to be between people. at the very least, do not blame him for homosexuality, it isn't accurate. although it is a sin to you, it isn't as a severe a one as you are making it out to be. i don't think it is within your rights to kick him out of the house for this. he may be embarrassed. you should work with him about it. wouldn't you mind if he caught you doing something he thought was sinful and immediately kicked you out and gave up on you without trying? | 0 |
9up1c8 | aitah for secretly getting off that all the popular girls from high school are now all overweight, in jail and/or poor? | they were mean in hs and i love seeing them suffer. | nta | nta if you’re only rejoicing secretly | nta. agree with previous commenter, so long as you get off privately to that fact, that’s fine. | 33 |
9up2i8 | aita for telling my brother to stop whining about being gay? | so long story short, my little brother (27) has not spoke to me in a couple years because during a family christmas party he was complaining that he couldn't get a job because he is gay, no one likes him, because he is gay, and he would be condemned to hell, because he is gay. i finally had enough of listening to him complain and explained to him that no one cares that he is gay and that his problem is he is lazy as shit and smokes pot all day rendering him anti-social. i explained to him that if he like to (suck dick) then own it and don't blame your problems on it. needless to say he started blaming his problems on me and told me that my dad and i treat him horrible and he never wanted to see us again. that was literally it, i didn't condemn his gayness or tell him he's going to hell, or any bull shit like that. so question is, am i the ass hole for not buying into his pity party? | nta | nta. he has a victim complex and only he can fix it. not the world's problem or yours. | nta. being gay has nothing to do with being lazy. it's okay to feel like life isn't going right for you but you can't blame it all on one aspect about yourself that you can't change. that is lazy and not proactive | 219 |
9up6re | aita for being very childish to a stranger who gave me a preach about passing a red light? | i was riding my bicycle on the street i pass every day and usually during this time of day it's very calm, no traffic. the bicycle track has a seperate lane. i was on my way to the bus for work where i would be working for 12 hours with a 2 times 2 hour drive like the day before. today there were no cars, no one, except for one man, guessing in his late 50's, on a bicycle who was obediently waiting in front of a red light that i passed. a few moments later, he passed me (turns out he has an electrical powered bicycle) and rides next to me and we have this conversation: him: are you in a hurry or something? me: there was no one there. no point in waiting if i can see for myself it's safe to cross. him: well that's not how rules work. you should obey the law. me, imitating him: wej that's njot ho wules wok. u shud obujj teh luww him, confused: ..what.. well.. that's.. very childish of you! asshole! me: yeah good day to you sir, see ya. however, i disagree with all the people here claiming i'm an asshole for passing the red light. you don't wait for a stop sign in the middle of the desert either, and if you do, i honestly feel sorry for you because that's just obediently pathetic. | yta | this could have easily been shortened to: i ran a red light and someone else tried to hold me accountable so i treated them like shit. am i the asshole? if it has wheels, and you’re riding it down the street, you have to follow the same traffic laws as everyone else. if someone had run you over, even though it was your fault, it would have ruined their life as well. they would always be that person who ran over a cyclist. your dead body would always be the thing they saw when they closed their eyes. you’re what gives other cyclists a bad name and what makes people in actual vehicles care less about sharing the road with those of us who ride on two wheels. yta | you are the reason people hate cyclists. it’s fucking impossible to share the road with people who refuse to obey traffic laws. you’re going to get hit some day and it will be your own fault. yta. | 923 |
9upb94 | aita for holding my nose next to a stinky stranger on the bus? | she sat down next to me and reeked of something horrible, i tried to be polite at first and ignore the stench,but my eyes began to water and my gag reflex started triggering so i discreetly used my palm to hold my nose. i figured holding my nose was more polite than vomiting. i guess i let out a small gag because she turned and analyzed me and said "fucking rude ass white people i swear i shou-" at this point the bus was at a stop (not mine) so i hopped up and got off. i'm not good with confrontation and i tried to be polite! and i'm not even white... aita? | nta | nta it’s her fault that she smells like that and if she’s going to be on public transport with people who actually know about personal hygiene she should expect some flak. honestly i’d have clapped back at her comment if anything she the asshole. | nta. you tried to avoid calling her out. one of the main reasons i quit my last gym is no one would do anything about the guy with recording-setting bad hygiene (there's always a stinky guy at the gym but this was *real bad*). you can ignore or mask a lot of other sensory offenses but smell is a hard one to ignore or suppress your reaction to. | 298 |
9upj8v | aita for not wanting to mediate my parents' divorce? | so for some context, my mom definitely treated me rather questionably as a kid. i hesitate to call her actions outright abuse, but some of it certainly bordered on it: for example, she would be very quick to anger and hit me for very minor mishaps (such as, say, forgetting my lunch box at school) and when i had a pet hamster around age 11-ish, whenever i would disobey her she would threaten to kill the hamster or release it outside of the house and leave it to its fate. there's more, but suffice to say my opinion of my mom hasn't exactly been the greatest. she did "apologize" for these actions and attempt to make amends, but even still, i have my resentments towards her. when i was in high school, my mom left working full time to stay at home so she could "devote more time to the family." by the end of my final year of hs, i got into a good college in another state. in order to get in-state tuition as well as a larger home, my parents found out they could move to the new state. it was at this point that apparently, my father had asked my mother to find a job and get back into the workforce. without saying too much personal detail, there were some disagreements between my parents about my father sending money to support some of his family back in my parents' country, and my father had basically told my mom that if she had a problem with the money being spent that way, she should find a job and get back into the workforce now that i was in college. my mom more or less dragged her feet on getting a job until about my sophomore year when my father started demanding it more seriously. even then, she was reluctant to do trainings and apply to jobs and such, saying that she didn't know where to start. my dad pointed her to some resources and told her how she could get back into the job, and mentioned the names of some of his friends' wives who had gotten back into the workforce after their kids went off to college. for whatever reason she said that their advice wouldn't work or she couldn't make sense of what they told her and still put off getting a job. my dad in response to this began to up the ante. it started small and kind of petty: for example, my dad would refuse to eat at home and always go out for dinner, claiming he would only eat at the table with her once she seriously began looking for a job. then whenever she wanted to do anything other than some kind of training/job hunting (for example, when they had first moved to the new state they talked about how they wanted to set up the media room in the new house with a projector and stuff), he would "remind" her that she needed to find a job, and begin using the job to shut down any arguments. at this stage i'd ask my dad why he was being this punitive in terms of not eating at home or constantly reminding my mom she needed to get a job, and he would always say that that was "the only way to get through to my mom," as he'd tried explaining to her "normally" that she needed to find a job and she didn't take any action towards doing so when he'd done it that way. i explained to him many times over that shame wasn't an effective way to get her to find a job, but to no avail: he kept on doing the same. the money situation and the job situation resulted in lots of arguments between my parents, devolving into yelling matches and many times i had to mediate the situation for them. then he ramped it up further. he threatened to divorce her if she didn't find a job by this past march. on numerous occassions, my mom would call me to basically vent to me about how my dad was treating her, and these calls would go on for an hour at a time. she would expect me to step away from whatever it is that i was doing, promising me she just needed to talk for "ten minutes," when i knew that wasn't the case. she was clearly miserable, but at the same time i had my own life as a college student to deal with and in some ways i resented having to carry the burden of the same woman who treated me so badly when i was younger.when i went home to visit, i asked my dad on the car ride back if he was actually planning on divorcing my mom if she didn't find a job by the end of (this past) june. he said that he was, because he felt that he had compromised on a lot of stuff for my mom's sensibilities: for example, allowing her to be something of a helicopter parent when i was a kid, not eating meat in the house (a common thing in my parents' culture since meat is seen as "dirty" food), not drinking alcohol at gatherings with family friends while she was there (since my mom is rather religious and against drinking), etc. he expressed disdain that my mother wasn't willing to compromise for him when it came to him asking her to get a job even if she had some hesitations about getting back into the workforce, and that if she couldn't make this compromise, then maybe their values weren't compatible any more. my mom's side of the story on her lack of compromise is as follows: in dealing with my dad's side of the family (as mentioned earlier, they basically kept demanding he send them money, which he did to an extent but then basically told them to piss off because it was clear these people couldn't manage money responsibly for the life of them), she said she had to sacrifice all sorts of things that their peers in america had: for example, being able to buy a bigger house for our family, having another kid, etc. she said that she felt satisfied being a housewife and that she felt it was unfair for my dad to demand she get a job without any regard to how she felt about it, that they wouldn't have been so tight on money if not for his family, etc. now it's important to mention my mom definitely isn't lazy or some kind of gold-digging leech freeloading off of my dad: as many negative things as i have to say about her, i can say this about her confidently. anyway, my dad's treatment of her has gotten even worse. he extended the "deadline" for her job hunt to the end of this year, but he refuses to talk to her in person, saying that he gets frustrated every time she talks to him. instead, he expects her to always text him, even if they're under the same roof. he also expects her to email him weekly progress reports on her job hunt letting him know about any leads she found, trainings she completed, etc. another thing that's relevant to mention is that he picked up a smoking habit while my mom had gone on a trip last winter to visit her family in their home country. my mom was very concerned for my dad's health, and would demand he stop smoking. when my dad stopped talking to her face to face, she made me go and ask him to stop smoking for the sake of his health. when i was at home for summer break, she would expect me to wake up at 6:00 am right when he had his morning cigarettes to "catch him red-handed" and tell him to stop smoking. i humored her at first, but after a few times, it became very clear that this was an ineffective approach. accordingly, at one of these incidences, he blew up at me, saying that my mom should "stop using me to police him" and that the next time either of us brought this up, he would just get up and leave my mom on the spot. still, despite the fact that my dad blew up at me, my mom demanded i keep engaging with my dad about how he was treating her. when i refused to do this and told her it was an ineffective approach and that i couldn't just burn my hands for her sake, she got angry at me, saying that i was "the only person she had left" and "i've done so much for you, why can't you have the gratitude to help me back?!" (these were the same things she would tell me when she called and i was busy either studying or with my friends and didn't have the luxury of stepping away for a long time to talk to her.) now here's the thing with my reaction how my dad treats my mom. he is treating her unfairly, no doubt, but i can't bring myself to have that visceral level of sympathy for my mom because of how she treated me in the past. whenever i see my dad giving my mom the cold shoulder and beating her over the head with this job hunt thing, i definitely see it as wrong, but i don't see it as worse because it's my mom; i just see it the way that i'd see it if it were some random guy doing the same to his wife, if that makes any sense. and also, i've gotten frustrated with my mom refusing to see that what she demands of me in helping her isn't furthering the cause of getting my dad to back down. she says that i should "express to my dad my desire for us to stay a family," and quite honestly, i don't feel that way. i feel that if one person wants out of the relationship, then the relationship is over, no matter the reason for wanting out: you can't make someone stay in a relationship with you. when i expressed this to my mom, she said that in her culture "you don't just throw a marriage away," and that i wouldn't understand since i was raised here. and i'm at my limit in being the emotional outlet for my mom. at a point, i feel that she is saying the same thing over and over, to the point where i dread having a phone call with her. i realize that i am part of the family and this affects me, but at the same time this is her and my dad's marriage: i can only do so much to influence the situation, yet she seems to expect me to fix everything or devote every last drop of energy to consoling her even if she won't say that's what she wants outright. am i wrong in feeling this way? i feel like she'd call me a monster or something for saying i want out, but shit, that's how i feel. tl;dr: dad wants to divorce because my mom won't find a job, mom doesn't want to divorce. i wind up getting caught in the middle a lot, and i'm not sure if i'm selfish for wanting out, partly due to unrelated resentment towards my mom. advice wanted. | nta | nta, besides all else going on, no child should mediate between divorcing parents, that's a bad place to be. its selfish of them to ask that of you especially since it would just boil down to taking sides. remain neutral and out of it. reaffirm to both of them that that is your intention and they'll have to deal with their business on their own. | first of all, your mom definitely abused you. hitting you and threatening to kill your hamster? nta. | 2 |
9upl8d | aita for sabotaging someone with kahoot bots? | so there was this one kid that would constantly harass me so i named a bunch of kahoot bots after him and the teacher already didn’t like him so she didn’t believe him when he said he did t do it and he got detention for 3 days am i an asshole for putting 3 days of detention on his record for some petty school rivalry nonsense? | yta | yta dude. totally. i mean you didn’t say how the person harassed you but from the info here you’re childish and petty and even more so you got someone in trouble for something they didn’t do. that’s some real shitty shit to do. | unless the harassment you're facing has gone past simple teasing and is affecting you and he hasn't stopped even after you've asked him to, yta. | 32 |
9upuqp | aita for cutting mother-in-law out of my life or at least have nothing to do with her? | i am pretty reasonable guy and family is extremely important to me. so for me to even consider cutting mother-in-law out of my life is a pretty big deal. tldr; mother-in-law is unreasonable, self-centered, manipulative, toxic and more… whenever she opens her mouth, only negative things come out of it. verbally and mentally abusive to my wife and i am tired of her crap and have cut her out of my life. currently, wife and baby are still interact with mil. a lot more information about mother-in-law (mil): she likes to complain about everything, selective hearing, dismissive, extremely defensive when one opinion differs from hers, every thing should be done her way or it’s the wrong way, constant need for attention, demands appreciation for anything she considers helping, will call my wife to complain for hours about irrelevant things. story time: after a year of marriage, the wife and i decide to try for our first baby. mil decides to move to florida to be closer to us so she can help out with the baby. after a few months, she turns around tells us that she is not happy here, feels abandoned by us and upset that we made her move out here… (we never asked her to move out here, wife talks to her everyday for hours and spends a few hours with her on the weekend – unsure where she has been abandoned or forced to move here) mil gets a puppy to fill the void of being abandoned by us. good puppy, poorly trained – poops and pees in the house, jumps on people, etc… eventually, we get pregnant and mil seems to be trying to help in her way, which is the only right way to do thing. at about 6 or 7 months, mil has an emergency and needs to speak to wife. she drives out to my wife’s work with her dog (private gated property – no pet policy) and wants to go on a walk to talk. as usual, the emergency is to complain about someone or something and during the walk, the dog gets excited, and tries to jump on a random worker walking past them. person is clearly not comfortable with a dog trying to jump on them and wife says something along the lines of: ‘probably should not have the dog out here due to work policy and i need to get back to work it’s been over an hour’. mil gets extremely upset by this and makes the following comments: 1. again accuses my wife of abandoning her and only the dog is supportive of her (makes no sense, because wife is clearly taking time out of her work day to make sure she is okay after stating it was an emergency and after finding out it is not an emergency still spent time with her). 2. then tells my wife that she is a horrible daughter and will be a horrible mother… (this is the point where i decided that i am done with her until she gives an apology – who says that to their pregnant daughter? seriously) wife decides to take a break from talking to her mom and a week later mil messages wife like nothing happened. no mention of the incident or apology. eventually she gave a half-ass apology like ‘i am sorry that you were hurt by what i said’ (not an apology). i am going to fast forward to after the baby is born. we decide to do daycare as we both work during the day. mil thinks we should hire a nanny so that it is convenient for her. she hires her friend, x, for an insane rate for a nanny with no experience. i’m no expert, but for $20/hr, we could hire someone with experience, cpr certified, baby education experience, the works… mil agrees to pay for half of the fee and we begrudgingly accept to appease the mil. 2 months later, mil has a falling out with x and the shit hits the fan. mil fires x without consulting us, the parents, on a wednesday morning. she then calls wife at work and says come pickup the baby, i fired x and i have yoga, doctor’s appointment and some other plans for the afternoon so i can’t take care of the baby. (i am so pissed off when i hear this – it really takes a certain type of person to be this inconsiderate) i start calling local daycares to find something asap and most are full. as a last resort, call a friend who runs a daycare (that was full 2 months back) and they know the situation and gladly make room for her. (cheers to awesome friends) mil calls wife later that night and asks when she would be bring the baby over so she can take care of her. we tell her that we found a daycare and we will be taking her there in the morning. she gets upset that we found a daycare and did not consider her in this decision. (i wanted to tell her tough shit, baby had plans to go to yoga at daycare in the morning – but wife gave me the death stare). wife sugar coated the situation and mil accepted it. few other events to note: mil called my wife a bitch for not siding with her regarding x. then when wife demanded an apology: ‘i’m sorry that you are unempathetic’ mil has decided to diagnose my wife as having a personality disorder and a hoarding disorder. this is funny to me because i work in the mental health field and neither of these diagnoses applies. mil has decided our house is unsafe because of wife’s hoarding, cat litter box, and the security cameras i installed since having a nanny. refuses to enter our house and demands we bring the baby to her place if we want help with the baby. all of this plus more i have come to the realization that mil is toxic and i do not want to be around that. aita for wanting to cut that out of my life? i refuse to interact with her and have left the decision for cutting her out of our life to my wife. currently, wife and baby still interact with mil, but if things keep up – would not surprise me if wife cuts her out too. | nta | you are nta. some serious suggestions. document her behavior in case you need to file a restraining order or in case she accuses you of a crime. go to couples counseling with your spouse. your wife grew up with this and will need help seeing the light. the counselor's visit notes also function as documentation. immediately inform your daycare that your mil is restricted from picking up or visiting your child. do not compromise on this. be aware that florida is a two-party consent state for recording conversations. you should record any conversation you have with mil, but you must inform her in order to avoid legal trouble. recording texts/emails does not require consent, of course. make sure mil has no access to any of your financial accounts. if she does anything remotely criminal immediately file a police report. if she attempts to impersonate you or your wife, if she refuses to leave your property when asked, if she harassed you or threatens you, etc. basically, imagine any way she can screw you over and protect yourself. good luck. | my god get her out of your life immediately. nta. this is awful and you've been more than patient and accommodating. i would also tell her why and that she will not be part of the baby's life until she goes to counseling. | 7 |
9uq3lp | wibta if i got mad at my friend for constantly flaking out on plans? | so i have a good friend that i enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever i invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. so would i be an asshole if i confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that i don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? also do i have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that i’m just overly sensitive. | nta | nta for being upset that your friend flakes all the time. i doubt you’d get anywhere telling her about herself though. it’s probably going to be an apology then more of the same garbage. | nta yet, just confront her nicely about it. don't be overly aggressive or accusatory. i've had to sit down friends of both sexes to talk about this. hate to tell you this but 9 times outta 10 people don't change and this person flakes on everyone, not just you :/ | 3 |
9uqcpp | aita for calling out racist liberal white people on social media? | my friend posted something along the lines of "okay people it's been long enough so i confess i didn't vote for legalizing weed when i lived in washington, come at me." he is a young snarky liberal white dude who posts sincerely about issues surrounding race like....saying cops shouldn't shoot black kids. i asked if he realized when he voted against legalizing weed if he realized he was also kinda voting for a super racist law? i thought we would all laugh about the mutual racism inherent in our whiteness, he would say "good one you got me," and we would all laugh and move on. i thought he was the kind of person you could joke about a dark truth with. apparently this was like.....very upsetting. he got really mad at me. private messaged me about needing to delete the whole thing, called me a troll, told me was really fucking upset. i apologized like six times and didn't try to defend it, just took my licks. he is still upset. did not accept my apology. imo, everyone is racist! it's not that big of a deal to me; i think we should all talk about it and joke about it and shine light on it so we can move forward and learn without beating the shit out of ourselves all day. i guess i shoulda pmed him instead, but i wasn't taking any of it seriously enough for that. he thinks he is a comedian so is always posting quippy shit inviting people to mock him. so am i the asshole? is it wrong to talk about racist shit being racist if we all do it? why do people get more upset about being called racist than they do about actually doing the racist shit in the first place? | nta | he baited you into a political argument. nta. he was looking to pick a fight and you gave him one, but you should really be smarter about this shit and learn to pick your battles. | nta. setting aside if you're right or not, the dude posted a political opinion and literally told people to yell at him about it. what did he expect? you didn't even call him racist, you called the law racist. | 6 |
9uqwrq | aita for being pissed off that my bf is going to visit his mom | my bf and i, i’ll just call j, have been together 7.5 years and living together for 7 years. we have lived several states away from his parents for about 4 years now. j’s mom and i do not get along, she has been for horrible to me for most of j’s and i relationship. some things include telling me i’m going to ruin j’s life. that i am a slob. in front of my mom she said i am annoying and she couldn’t stand to be around me anymore. i was in a serious accident and was bed ridden for months and her only concern was that i was going to be a finical burden to j and that i needed to be back at work already. we used to live with j’s parents very briefly and she would go through my mail and question me about it in front of j and his dad. if i had wine or a cocktail with dinner she would say i’m a sloppy drunk and going to ruin j’s reputation. she has done enough horrible things to me that i could fill a novel but earlier this year she decided she wanted to make amends and apologize to me. she asked me to tell her everything she did that hurt me and once i did, she denied ever doing any of it, how people love her because she’s so nice, how my mom is a liar and she would never speak poorly of me in front of her. anyways i didn’t accept her apology and she called j crying that it wasn’t fair that i didn’t own up to anything i’ve ever done. i refuse to talk to her now. i bit my tongue for almost 6 years for because i didn’t want it to get between mine and j’s relationship. j knows how horrible she has been to me and feels bad he didn’t see it before and understands why i don’t want a relationship with her. i should also mention that j is an only child and she is a therapist. before i get to the next part j is working on a project for about 10-13 hours a day and has a deadline at the end of this month. he has been behind on texts and emails so he’ll have me go through, read them to him and i’ll type out the response for him, it’s mostly work stuff like schedules, talking with department heads etc. and then a few friends checking in on him and his mom. and i’ve seen a lot of recent texts to him from his mom. for whatever reason j’s mom wants him to come visit this month even though he has arrangements to go next month for the holidays. she texts him daily and when she doesn’t reply she starts saying how frustrating it is that he can’t reply and then when he apologizes that he’s busy she’ll say something like “i’m sorry sweety i know you’re busy i just miss you so much and need to hear your voice.” the way she talks to j really creeps me out because it’s more like a girlfriend. so his mom has been begging him to go visit them for about a month now. he hasn’t really given an answer but now she’s texting him that his dad is in really bad health and that he needs to come home right away. i think he’s having heart problems but they haven’t been to a dr yet. but she’ll say something along the lines of “you need to come home, dad isn’t doing good and is so tired all the time. and im just so excited to see you.” i feel bad for saying this but i think she’s trying to guilt trip him about his dad so he’ll come visit. it’s not the first time she’s been incredibly manipulative. every holiday season she cries to him on the phone that he doesn’t spend thanksgiving fay or christmas day with them. anyways so i’m pissed because he’s going to go see them and the only time he can go is on the weekends when they’re off. this entire month is so hectic for both of us because we’re moving, his project, we’re going on vacation and the holiday. this weekend we need to start packing, organizing and donating stuff. monday-thursday i have to go out of town for work. so i don’t have much time to get it done and need his help. saturday morning movers are coming. the weekend after that is thanksgiving weekend which i paid someone $200 to cover for me so i could have off. we always go to get our christmas tree which we have done every single year we’ve been together. and this year a festival falls on that weekend and we made arrangements to go to it. and the last weekend we’ll be on vacation. so his only options are to go next weekend and i have to move by myself or thanksgiving weekend which will ruin the plans we already have and i wasted money getting it off. his mom wants him to come on thanksgiving, she said “i’m sure catstaringatmepooo already made plans for you but maybe you can just cancel them and come home for thanksgiving.” he already told her not on thanksgiving and he can only come for two days but she’s talking about taking a week off for his visit and she’s booking his ticket for him. j is going to visit them for a week and a half in about a month. i asked j a few nights ago if he even wants to go and he said not really but he feels bad. his options are either i do the move alone or he leaves me by myself in a new house for thanksgiving. not going to lie part of me is mad because she does this shit every year. so am i the asshole for being pissed off about this? | nta | >she is a therapist >some things include telling me i’m going to ruin j’s life. that i am a slob. in front of my mom she said i am annoying and she couldn’t stand to be around me anymore. i was in a serious accident and was bed ridden for months and her only concern was that i was going to be a finical burden to j and that i needed to be back at work already > she asked me to tell her everything she did that hurt me and once i did, she denied ever doing any of it, how people love her because she’s so nice > he hasn’t really given an answer but now she’s texting him that his dad is in really bad health and that he needs to come home right away. >it’s not the first time she’s been incredibly manipulative >she’s booking his ticket for him nta. she a therapist and she knows exactly what she's doing to you and how to manipulate him, and she's going to get what she wants until your bf smartens up here and puts his foot down. shes going to make him choose her or you. | nta id be pissed. and maybe cross post this to r/justnomil | 3 |
9uqwzg | aita for not liking how my girlfriend helps with the washing up? | i’m a 19 year old college (uk) student and live with my dad. i do the dishes, and when my girlfriend comes, she tries to help. however, i have quite a particular way of loading the dishwasher in order to make it as efficient as possible, and make everything fit. when my girlfriend “helps”, she just randomly stacks stuff. i said to her that she can help if she wants, but if she could try to do it the same way as me, or i would rather do it myself. when she didn’t do it the same as me, i asked her to sit down and let me do it. my dad got angry and told me to stop being a dick, and my girlfriend got annoyed. i’m just trying to do the dishes the way that i like to! i appreciate her help but i would rather do it myself in the way that i like than it all be messy. aita? | yta | yta because of the way you handled it. my bf and i went through the same exact thing. i suck at loading the dishwasher...i know it and my bf knows it. so instead of shittily loading the dishwasher, i clean the counters and rinse the dishes. ask her to do a different chore so she still feels like she's helping. | nta in your desire to load the dishes your way. yta in the way you expressed it to your girlfriend. instead of asking her to sit down and let you do it, ask her to wipe down the table or put away the leftovers or just relax. | 48 |
9urd63 | aita my college phone number was one digit off of the local best buy's number | at california baptist university in riverside, ca i lived in the on campus apartments. the apartment had a landline phone. nobody used it because cell phones... on occasion the phone would ring. probably once every fortnight or so we would get a call. i'd pick up the phone and say "thank you for calling best buy, this is fredrick speaking, what department would you like to be directed to." they say "home theatre department please." "ok, hold please." then i'd literally put the phone down and walk away for 1-5 minutes. "thank you for holding, this is theodore in home theatre." i'd take orders, make recommendations, let people know what was in stock, what the prices were, curse at customers, hypothesize inappropriate things, make rude noises, be a complete space cadet and frustrate the customer, basically anything i could do to have a nice time. and i always ended the conversation with "and if you have any questions just ask for theodore, i'll be there." i lived in that apartment for 2 years. | yta | yta, and be honest, you already knew it and just wanted to share this awesome story here lol. | yta, but definitely in a humorous way. you obviously didn't mean any harm and it's damn funny, but is a little bit of a dick move. | 376 |
9uroc7 | aita for not helping my boyfriend with college applications? | just throwing it out there, he's 17 and i just turned 18, we're both seniors in highschool and i'm stressing out big time about college applications. i have a 2.3 gpa (not good i know), but i still have a decent amount of colleges that are reasonable for me to apply to. however, my boyfriend is in the same boat as me, except his gpa is higher and we both got the same test score. he plans on applying to the same schools as me, and some of his own as well. i helped him get started by helping him with the common app questions and his college essays, no biggie. but after a while, i got burnt out. he constantly brings up college applications, asking for my help because he feels he can't do them on his own, while im still worrying about my deadlines, and the schools that require auditions (sound recording technology major). am i the asshole for going silent for a couple days after i've asked him multiple times to slow down on mentioning college, and not wanting to help him any more than i already have? | nta | nta. he should be responsible and hold himself accountable. | nta. inform your boyfriend that if he really needs someone else to help with his college applications to schedule an appointment with your school guidance counselors. that's what they're there for. | 5 |
9usaij | aita.for knocking out the fool who was giving my brother drugs. | this all started with my brother going on these tantrums on how no one understands him and he was threatening on leaving the house,but luckily almost all of that is solved. now when i was coming home (usually the first one back) i realized the door was unlocked. i was worried and confused then i heard a noise from my brothers room, so i investigate. so to my suprise i see my brother and some degenerate smoking weed. i was enraged this fool who is trying to.make my brother, the family's future into a slob by making him break the law. i immediately grabbed the degenerate and gave him three hard punches and that knocked him out. my brother was angry because i hurt his so call friend, but that didn't matter i told him you could go to jail for smoking weed he immediately started getting flustered and ran outside buy in the future he will thank me. so i call the police on the degenerate and our parents to come immediately. so in the end my parents will be discussing my brother's punishment and it seems the degenerate parents are going to sue me. luckily my parents got a extraordinary lawyer and the case will be solved in less than a week with no consequences on my part. but there is this itchy feeling in what if i was wrong. | yta | yta for a myriad of reasons. | honestly thought this was a troll, but considering you have 2 other posts talking your brother i will give you the botd and believe this is serious. yta your brother's friend, didn't force your brother to smoke weed. your brother made that decision himself and you're in the wrong for assaulting someone who didn't physically harm you. besides that situation, overall you seem to be a piece of shit brother by the way you treat your brother and need to start minding your own business. | 2 |
9usdcy | wibta if i go to my grandmother's birthday party even if it will hurt my mother? | my mother had a fight with my grandmother(my dad's mother) over a year ago. she claims that my grandmother has verbally attacked her multiple times over the course of many years(parents have been married for 20 years). but finally my mother snapped and came out about all the things that my grandmother has said and done. there were many examples that my mother has explained to me and there are too many to explain here. some of them seem reasonable but happened over a decade ago and don't sound serious enough to be remembered for that long. others seem to be so exaggerated that it just seems like my mother just took it the wrong way. an example would be my grandmother saying to my mother "why did you stop weight watchers, you were doing so well?" (weight watchers is a weight loss program and she lost a bunch of weight from it but stopped it abruptly midway.) this comment really offended my mother for some reason. i personally think that neither my grandmother or my mother are innocent in this. this fight has dragged my father, my brother, and me away from the rest of my family for more than a year. my father's brother and his family have all taken my grandmother's side and i miss the good ole times with them and just want this to be over but neither side wants to try and fix things. honestly this wouldn't be such a big problem if this just stayed between my mother and my grandmother but no, everyone wants to take a side. my grandmother's 80th birthday party is this week and they invited me to go to it. (i am 19 and moved out so i can make this decision) my aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandparents will be there. my mother somehow found out about it and she said that i can go (obviously) but that it would hurt her making her feel like i am going against her and don't care about her. she thinks that i should not go so that it would tell the other side of the family that i support her. tldr: mom and grandmother fought. grandmother's bday party is coming up but mom doesn't want me to go so she could feel supported. neither of them is completely innocent. so wibta if i go to my grandmother's 80th birthday party even if it will hurt my mother? | nta | nta. tell your mother that you do support her, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship with your grandmother. | nta. go if you want. take time to consider this as well, your grandmother is getting older and may not be around for another 10 or 20 years. if you are close and such then don't let pettiness or the problems of others get inbetween your time with you grandma. the one grandparent i was close to died when i was 13. she was 77. i would give anything to have her back or relive her last weeks so i could see her more before she went. i was too afraid of the doctors getting onto me since anyone under 18 wasn't to be in the hospital unless they were a patient since staph (staff? something) infection was going around. | 3 |
9usgo0 | aita for telling my girlfriend that if she wanted to be a surrogate for a friend of hers that i no longer wanted to continue the relationship? | my long time girlfriend told me recently that she is interested in being the surrogate for a child for a friend of hers who is gay and wants a child of his own. i respect her desire to help and i told her: “this is your body, and i don’t think i have a say in what you can or can’t do with it. that being said, if you want to be the surrogate for him, i don’t think i would want to continue this relationship any further.” | nta | nta. you didn't say she can't do it, just that you wouldn't stick around if she did. choices have consequences. | nta. pregnancy can and most likely will put massive strain on your relationship. and i know *i* might seem like an asshole for saying it, but i feel like it would take the joy and excitement away later on if you decide to have children. it's a huge emotional and physical commitment. i respect her willingness to go so far for a friend, but... haven't her friends considered adoption...? i'm sure they could absolutely find a child to love as their own without putting your girlfriend through the physical strain. | 17,247 |
9uslfq | aita for being upset with my girlfriend kissing her female friends? | throw away account :) so some back ground: my girlfriend and i (m19) have been happily dating for 8 months. i have been 100% supportive of her being bisexual and that is no problem to me. however, one issue that has arisen is our views on kissing others. while she says she would never kiss another random girl because she knows it is the same as kissing a guy, she seems to think it’s okay to be kissing her female friends because they are friends. also, these kisses are mostly just like quick kisses goodbye and not full on making out at this point. i on the other hand, feel like any kissing should be considered intimate and should not be shared outside of our relationship. she has said that she understands and would not push it because i am uncomfortable with it. but it still makes me uneasy that she is okay with this. aita here in saying she should not be kissing her female friends? thanks everyone | nta | nta, but perhaps you two just aren't meant to be if you cannot both agree on this. | as comes up so often on this sub: everyone has boundaries. it sounds like you've made her aware that it makes you uncomfortable and she's choosing to respect that. nta. neither of you are, really. | 25 |
9usue3 | aita for believing all dogs can be rehabilitated? | so i'll try to keep this short and sweet but basically this man on facebook put up a post about rehoming this 6 month old puppy that bit his child. now, i don't know the extent of the injuries, but it doesn't seem to be a big deal because he said in the post that he doesn't want the dog to go to a shelter and be euthanized just because he doesn't like kids very much. he said other than that the dog is super affectionate and playful. his son was 4. now, in the comments this woman said the dog should be euthanized and i disagreed. i mentioned that someone without kids could take this dog and work with him. she kept saying that this is how accidents happen. (meaning this is how children get mailed by dogs). i ended up stopping so i didn't get blocked from the group, but i believe that irresponsible owners and children cause accidents. not that im saying these things should happen. but basically i believe that this dog could be taken in and worked with, and could end up being a great dog. am i the asshole here?? does this puppy really not have a chance? | nta | nta, but i disagree that all dogs can be rehabilitated. i worked with an aggression specialist for several years with my dog. we tried different medications, behavior modification, and a battery of tests and specialists to rule out underlying health issues that could have affected behavior. he never got better, only worse - and dangerous. at the recommendation of several vets we saw, we put him down. but, i certainly wouldn't put a dog down after 1 bite. not even close. | nta but some dogs are just "broken". google "cocker rage" for example if you don't believe me - affected dogs are scary and extremely dangerous. | 1 |
9usy6s | aita for putting extreme hot chilli in my sandwich to deter theft? | happened in middle school. i used to bring lunch from home (my school did not have a lunch program). during one of the classes, a friend of mine began stealing my sandwich. no one owned up to the theft. then i had an idea, i prepared my sandwich with the hottest available pepper (short of naga chilli), and took it in class the next day. lo behold, i found my two pesky friends desperately looking for water bottles. the theft of sandwich stopped after it. but i always wondered if i was ta. | nta | nta, people wont get burned if they werent thieving assholes. | nta at all. it serves them right! | 10 |
9ut52l | aita for telling my parents that they’re embarrassing and pushy | i got in an argument with my parents over them taking my xbox off me cause they had a bad conversation with my english teacher. they had called my teacher up cause they saw a price of homework and didn’t think it was good enough and my teacher said i wasn’t trying hard enough in lessons my parents interpreted this as suddenly i’m not doing any work in any lessons despite when they somehow managed to turn my sixth form options evening into a parents evening with all my teachers they got positive feedback and i’m getting highest in the class on certain subjects my parents then said they’re taking my xbox off me and at this point i was pissed off and said that they were incredibly pushy and were embarrassing and were causing people to take the piss out of me cause my parents where so pushy my parents then got really defensive and my mum got upset by the end of the argument they had basically said that i was dking well in most my subjects and i was just struggling in english but i’m still banned off my xbox tldr:my parents turned one bad conversation into me gking to fail all my gcse’s and took away my xbox even though i’m doing well at school so i called them pushy and an embarrassment | yta | yta here. your parents are entitled to have a healthy concern for your education, and since you sound like a younger teenager, also well within their right to take away the xbox they probably bought you until you improve in your studies. | yta. if i was your dad, i would have bought red dead and told you you couldn't watch me play. | 3 |
9utm00 | aita for disassociating from my mother? | to begin, she isn't mad or anything and no one is angry with me at all. besides myself. i love my mother very much. she's incredibly kind and smart and helpful. she's a wonderful person and worked hard in college. she's suffered a lot in her childhood and has had injuries in her youth leaving her not completely 100%. she's strong and resolute in her goals besides being no stranger to adversity. my mother has had a track record of bad habits and criminal activity starting in '08. when my parents divorced, i was three and up until 2008 i had done the whole weekend swap-house routine between my parents. in 2008 she met, we'll call him jeff. jeff had a history of armed robbery and such criminal offenses, i think drug charges was one of them as well. well he somehow convinced my mother that he was a worthy prospect for a relationship. jeff creeped me out. he made weird off-putting ?threats? towards me. like one time i made a paper airplane and he set it on fire and tossed it off a balcony. really just unsettling things. i did not like him. i voiced this to her. i was ignored. fast forward a few months and her house is robbed. jeff and my mother were living together and he had stolen valuables and sold them. that night, (i wasn't there) she assaulted him since he stole her stuff. jeff and my mother's relationship resulted in a son, a. she was jailed for a few months for the assault. over the course of the next few years, she was in and out of the system several times due to shoplifting, illegal movie sales, and drug possession. in years in-between incarceration, she has me flown out and we've done fun stuff. family dinners, christmas, thanksgiving. i've witnessed her attempt to steal for my benefit, like christmas gifts, and we had a crying fit together when i made her put it back. about threeish years ago, i was visiting her in wi from ca for thanksgiving, and she was in another shady relationship. his name will be "henry". henry seemed ok apart from not having a job, a musty weed smell and breath of an alcoholic. that would be all well and good (well lawfully tolerable) if my mother and himself weren't on probation from previous offenses. the morning after my arrival, i was awoken by her parole officer or some official busting down the door, and searching her place. she was in possession of alcohol, marijuana, and i believe some other hard drug, oxy maybe? anyways, they were both arrested, right in front of me. they were both on probation and they were charged with violating it. coupled with new charges for illegal substances. and since i was visiting her, i was far away from a legal guardian, that being in ca. so i was out there alone until my dad flew out from ca and picked me up in wi. in the year of 2017, she got out of jail and managed to get her son a out of foster care after a year. he went in because of the situation i experienced. he wasn't there that night, he was at friends house or something. a has had a rough life with no stable family, with both parents in the system. his father, jeff went to prison for meth, and armed robbery, shortly after his relationship with my mother. a has learning disabilities and endures bullying at school. he's 9 now and self harming and depressed. this year my mother went back to jail for the fourth time. she called me while i was in my art class, telling me so. i blocked her and forgot about her. i was starting college soon and i needed help, i couldn't bear the weight of caring for someone who won't care for her family. i was destroyed, not because of her but because of a. what will he do? so all of that looks bad. but i still feel like an ass because, after all that she is my mother. and i should be there to help her if i can right? she turned to me for help and i'm blocking her out. she was going through tough times and that's understandable. i feel guilty. she's my family, immediate family, she cares for me, accommodates me, and helps me when i ask. am i doing something wrong here? tldr: my mom keeps going back to jail, asks for forgiveness each time. i blocked her from everything and refuse her calls. aita? | nta | nta in my books. you're not the one that's causing her to be cut out of your life, she is. despite the love you say she has for you, she still acts in such a way as to continually remove herself from your life. getting arrested right in front of you should be the last straw. unless she can prove to you that's she really, truly changed, i don't consider you under any obligation to hold on to a relationship that she's destroying. | nta. even if it hurts, you are not wrong to reject her, no one is forced to accept they parents, and in your specific case i would also move away from her. | 3 |
9utt5y | aita for wanting to move away from home? | i am 22, currently living at home with my parents. i have a couple of years left of college, and could choose to stay at home while i complete them. however, i very much want to move out of my home state and go to school elsewhere. i love and have a great relationship with my family, that is not the issue. the issue is that i am a very independent person. i just last year moved back home after living on my own for a year in order to save money, and that year was a time of great self growth. however, when i bring this desire up, it feels like i get guilt tripped by my parents for wanting to leave them. really could use some feedback, aita here? | nta | of course nta! moving out and becoming your own person is part of being an adult. if your parents didn't raise you to eventually do this then why even have kids? | nta, unless they tell you they want you to move out. if they dont say anything, they're probably fine with you being there, and if they dont say anything,you cant be blamed for not knowing. | 1 |
9uuhfe | aita for getting a second cat? | i’d been waiting for years to have a cat again, and adopted an older one that needed to be rehomed. i did not realize the cat was as old as she was when i took her and her age quickly started to show. she only moves to eat and use litter box. the rest of the time she rests in one spot. that’s it. very sweet cat but she’s like a living fixture in my house. when i was first dating so, one of the earlier important questions i asked was if he was ok with cats, if we/i could have a cat down the road if we live together. he said yes. he said yes because we were newly in love and we were enamored with each other and i badly wanted a cat and although he’s an anti-cat guy he said ok. i already had a cat, but i know she is old- i’m asking about another cat. and after a couple of years cat discussions came up and he changed his position on cats. he hates cats, he’s allergic (even though i’ve never seen him have an allergic reaction when he’s over at my place with my cat), says cats are horrible and murderous, they kill for sport, cats stink, litter box stinks, they don’t love their people etc etc etc. and he took back his agreement to have a cat. he now says no cats when we live together. the subject of moving in together has come up and we have been looking at places and without any particular rush are planning on living together, that’s the long term plan. next thing i know, my teenager comes home with a kitten. now- i didn’t go looking for this kitty. neither did my teenager who just found it, it was dumped and starving. so we fed the kitten, knowing we couldn’t keep it but just helping until i can get it to a rescue for her forever home. i didn’t mention it to so because we had other things going on and it was temporary anyway. in hindsight- probably should’ve mentioned it. ..... so comes over and learns there is a kitten here. i tell him the cat is not staying (even though of course i do want to keep her) i’m going to send her to rescue. he says “no no no no- i know you want that cat your kids are in love with that cat it’s already been here and you guys are attached to the cat. so absolutely do not get rid of that cat because you will be making me the bad guy and no thank you to that. the kids will know it was me who spoiled it and made you get rid of the cat.” he was piiiiiiissed. but told me not to get rid of the cat. soooooo i kept the cat. but he couldn’t sleep and was so upset because he took this as a huge sign that i don’t want to live with him since he said he wouldn’t live with a cat and now here’s cat that will be around for a long time. when this came up in an argument a month or so later, and i reminded him that he told me to keep the cat that he did not want to be the bad guy or make my kids upset that they had to part with the kitten. he told me i should’ve known better and that i was supposed to go ahead and not keep the kitty of my own accord, not because he told me to. great when he tells me this now, after we are all really and truly attached to the cat and after the cat is very attached to us. she loves and trusts us very much. i’m reluctant to even try and rehome her now. this is her home. and i love her. i know i should’ve discussed this with so more as it’s a big decision that affects us both in the event we live together. and i do want to live together. i just want him to accept a cat like he said he would. it’s just a cat. its not a sign that i don’t love so or want to live together. now so is so mad. he doesn’t want to come over. he’s pissed all the time about me getting a cat. it’s almost getting worse. the more he thinks about it, the more upset he is and it’s snowballing into a huge thing. also he flat out said he will never ever ever live with a cat. he wants to live with me 100%. this is not him looking for an excuse not to live together. he does. just not with my cat. honestly ..... i love this cat. i really do. it’s important to me. so important that it was one of the few questions i ask in the beginning of a relationship. dealbreaker questions. and for me a cat is one of those questions. i understand how he feels. ***he feels like i chose this cat over him. over his feelings. over our relationship. and he’s very very butthurt.*** but it’s just a cat. i get it. he doesn’t like cats. i wish he would get over it and do this for me. he wishes i would get rid of the cat for him. i told him, it’s fine you don’t have to live with a cat. he said neither do you. i think he should accept the cat because it means so much to me. just deal with it it’s not the worst thing in the world. he thinks i don’t care about his feelings and that i should not have a cat because it means so much to him. aita? eta: if and that’s a huge if he’s allergic, it’s incredibly mild. he’s been around both cats with no reaction. the cats are often on the same couch we sit on. (i have to carry the older one over). so please don’t base your decision on severe or anaphylactic shock type situations. my teenager who wants the cat has a mild allergy but hasn’t been an issue. if he starts to sniffle, he takes a zyrtec and he’s happy. he’d rather take an allergy pill and keep the cat. it’s infrequent. seasonal allergies are far worse when he takes allergy medicine every single day. so never ever said he has allergies until the 2nd cat was here. so not really an epipen situation. it’s being used for convenience bc so doesn’t want a cat. unlike my teenager who does have an allergy but takes a zyrtec bc he does want the cat. eta2: so never mentioned an allergy once in 3 years when there was one cat. his allergy was only announced when 2nd cat arrived. | nta | nta, he expected you to read his mind at every juncture instead of communicating his thoughts and feelings like a real adult. | nta. your bf is overreacting. | 0 |
9uuhgi | wibta for telling a teacher about a student who cheated? | on my most recent test in us history, i got an 85/100. my teacher curves the score of the test out of the highest grade achieved in the class. the student who received the highest grade is a 92, so i really got an 85/92. i know that the second highest grade was also and 88. i also know that the student who received the 92 cheated on the test, so really my grade would likely be an 85/88 and not an 85/92. i think it is unfair that this student cheated and everyone else who got a lower grade will do more damage to their overall grade because this student cheated. wibta if i told the teacher that the student with a 92 cheated? | nta | nta. only because the cheating affects your grade (since its curved) then what they are doing is not only hurting you, but the rest of the class. just be careful in the way you tell your teacher. | does the mark matter? will it influence college or scholarships? do you have proof, or will it he he-said she-said? nta, you don't owe a cheater anything, but it's not worth doing if it doesn't matter. i remember as a kid my mom stressed me out about dumb shit like this, and it didn't matter in the slightest. | 8 |
9uunsq | wibta for telling a friend to chew more quietly? | hi all, just a minor thing. one of my friends that i see almost every day kinda eats like a slob; mouth open, slurping sounds, all that. we're fairly close and spend a lot of time together, but the noises really really really bother me, and i find myself constantly trying to avoid having a meal with him (it's that bad). wibta for somehow asking him to tone it down? if not, how would i go about doing so in a nice way? | nta | on behalf of all the people who cannot take that kind of eating habit, nta!!!! idk how you do it but please please do. one loud eater at a time, they will go down! | nta but they will be hurt when you tell them and they are entitled to feel that way. tell them as gently as you can and understand if the want some space afterwards. | 3 |
9uuode | wibta if i came and followed a plan to expose a creep lecturer? | ok so this lecturer basically groomed me over the course of a year which led to sex and it kind of messed me up. i have reasons to believe he has done it before and is currently working on more young females. however i have no evidence right now to implicate him as he got on whatsapp web while i wasn't watching and kept it for a while and deleted all the pervy chats and everything. so my proof is gone. my plan was to initiate one last time and rig it so that we both get caught. i want to see this jackass fired, lose any chances of obtaining his phd and his reputation down the toilet. so would i be the asshole for going through with this plan and stirring up a bunch of shit? | yta | > i want to see this jackass fired, lose any chances of obtaining his phd and his reputation down the toilet that comment right there is what makes yta. now i agree, this guy is a creep. however, as a human being, he has every right to pursue sex from whoever he wants (of legal age of course). he is not raping anyone. he is not coercing anyone into sex. he just sounds like a hound dog, which isn't illegal. you have no right to try and ruin this mans life. there is also this statement in one of your comments: > "besides the pictures that doesn’t sound insidious just sounds like a college student trying to get laid" > > honestly it was. i would've been cool until i found out he is weird and flirty with basically every year one female he encounters. i just wanna take this bastard down you said yourself you would have been fine with it until you found out he does this with other girls. i dated a girl for a few weeks, until she broke it off out of the blue. i really liked her. we worked together, i was new on the job, and i later found out that she had done a similar thing to other guys at the office. she was just doing the rounds. i obviously had the right to be mad, but did i have the right to try and get her fired? basically, you have no right to try and ruin this mans life just because you regret sleeping with him. now, if you find another woman who is getting the moves from this guy, you are perfectly within your right to warn that person about him, but that is it. all that being said, you mentioned that he was a lecturer doing his phd. i know that it may be illegal for a 'professor' to date students, but i'm not sure how that applies here. if there are rules/laws regarding this situation, then thats different. ​ | yta. you've admitted your problem is that he isn't interested in just you. you say "grooming" but from your description it just sounds like normal human interaction. you've painted yourself as a stereotypical jilted lover. trying to ruin someone's career because they are interested in girls other than you is peak asshole. | 2 |
9uupsy | aita for wanting to sleep at night while my wife takes care of our newborn? | my wife and i just had our second kid last week and i want to sleep at night while she takes care of the nightly feedings and diaper changing. my wife is on maternity leave and she had no complications with the birth and is not bed ridden or anything. our oldest daughter gets dropped off at daycare and my wife takes care of the newborn during the day and does household chores and such. i went back to work on monday working an office job 9-6 and it’s not a stressful job or anything. i also stay up till about 12-1 doing homework for my mba. i do help with the newborn when i am home and for anything my wife or baby needs till i go to sleep. i want to be able to sleep through the night since i’m up late and have to work in the morning but my wife expects me to wake up every 2-3 hours and help with feedings and stuff while she pumps to try to get met milk in. amta for not wanting to wake up and help? edit 2: first off, i appreciate everyone’s supportive and candid responses. secondly, i’ve been reading a lot comments asking what our night schedule is currently and wanted to clear that up... i get home from work about 6:30, we fix dinner (sometime me and sometimes her) after dinner i take over daddy duties for both the kids so wife can rest and gets a break and she goes to the bedroom and either does some laundry or lays in bed, sometimes she sleeps sometimes not. sometimes she decides to hang out with me and the kids and we hang out together too. it’s pretty much up to her what she wants to do, but the responsibility of taking care of the kids is my main priority. i’ll put the new born in his crib about 7:30, and i and the toddler do her get ready for bedtime ritual until i put her to bed at 8:30. i’ll spend some time cleaning up the toys or do home work till about midnight. homework is mostly reading and watching lectures sprinkling in papers to write. from 8:30 to midnight if the newborn is hungry i’ll bring him to mom to feed/pump. when i do go to bed we both wake up every 2-3 hours to feed/pump. he eats a ton. i wake up at 7 and get the toddler ready for daycare and drop her off on my way to work. grandma picks up our toddler from daycare and i pick her up on my way home from work and we start it all over again. hope that clears some questions up. if there is anything i left out let me know. edit 3: i’m getting the impression my fellow redditors think i’ve actually said this out loud to my wife, hell no!! it’s in my head and wanted to know if it is an asshole request or thought...seems like it is so far! | yta | i’d say yta. can you guys take shifts? we have two kids and since my husband stays up later than me he was night duty from 8-1 that meant i got at least 5 hours of consecutive sleep and then he’d get 1-7 so 6 hours. sleep when the baby sleep rarely happens especially between 6-12 weeks. colic and cat naps, the worst combination | yta. while you do have a full time job that could benefit from a proper nights rest, your wife also has a full time job taking care of your newborn and could also benefit from a propers night rest. you both could use some rest, but someone needs to take care of the baby. it’s not fair to your wife to expect her to do all the work during the night when she (like you) has a full time job to do during the day. so while it sucks, you did sign up for this so it’s your responsibility to help. | 243 |
9uv0tm | aita for joking about my floor mate being british? | today one of the people on my floor posted in a floor group chat reminding us that we should stay in line even if it's after 7:00 to make sure that we get our votes in. i consider myself a friend of hers, maybe not super close but we've lived around each other for more than a year now. she's a us citizen, but she's from britain and she has an english accent. after posting this, i responded saying, "i'll be sure to vote loyalist this year!" as a joke. to clarify, other people on the floor have made fun of her for multiple reasons, and she has made fun of us for multiple reasons. i never made fun of her accent (and i wouldn't, i think that's unfair) but some people have, and she usually responds by saying something along the lines of, "at least i can go into a high school without being shot." or something similarly irreverent. after posting my joke, the ra texted me (only me) asking me to be respectful of everyone's background and to not make anyone feel like an outsider. i responded by saying that i was celebrating our differences in a fun and non-offensive way (i didn't think that anyone would be offended by a joke about pre-revolutionary war america), but he wasn't a fan. i haven't heard anything from her about it, except for a reminder in the group chat that she was a citizen which i can't get any vibe off of. should i have avoided making a joke about her heritage? | nta | nta. that is a historical joke, not really a racist joke. additionally, since you were likely an american if you were loyalist, it's more of an american/british joke. | nta your joke in comparison to her jab at the us about school shootings seems trivial, personally. she can dish it out but can't take it? seems a little hypocritical. | 1 |
9uvkcj | aita for applying and getting accepted to the university my ex-best friend planned going to who didn't get accepted? | backstory: me and my (ex-) best friend in high school, she shares plans to study at a specific university, she talks very confident about it, almost like she already ensured herself a seat. i ask her whether we should study together and she is cool with it. i personally was not too fond of the subject (but now i feel very comfortable with it). we both apply, i got accepted. i assumed she got accepted as well because her overall grades were better and she really wanted to study it. she didn't get a seat. she cut ties after she heard the news. i got to know from mutuals that she is studying the subject she intended to at a different university now. and all our mutual friends also turned their backs on me. i recently got in contact with her. to be frank, it didn't go too well, she said that i ruined her plans and that i am a horrible, selfish leech. i genuinely didn't mean to do any harm. it was pretty easy for me to apply and have a seat so i assumed the same for her. i wish to be friends with her again but was i actually the bad guy here? aita for being angry at my ex best friend who got accepted at the university that i wanted to go to? i had this friend in high school who didn't really care a lot about her grades. she barely scraped by on the majority of subjects. but our personalities were synching up very good. shortly before we graduated high-school i told her about this medical university. that's why i was studying so much for tests and exams so they will accept me. my friend always knew i wanted to be a doctor. she herself was more the type to study physics or chemistry. she often jokes about how she hates doctors and that i will be one of "them". so it took me by surprise when she asked if we should study together. i told her fine, she can apply! i mean i doubt the uni will accept her grades. fast forward 2 months, i have not been accepted. my grades were good! my resume was flawless! i will apply to a different university then. it is very far away and very expensive though. maybe if a person at my first choice uni declines i could get that seat. i got to hear from my friend that she got accepted. i asked her how,then i realised why. she was a minor. she got a "im 17years old" bonus. needless to say i was pissed. i essentially ghosted her until last weekend where we had a class reunion. she went up to me to thank me. she said "medicine is just right for me! thank you!" i've had enough. she was supposed to be my friend. i called her a selfish leech. the dumbest farmer with the biggest potatoes. aita for getting angry at her? do you get what i mean now? | nta | nta, she’ll get over it if she’s actually a friend worth having | nta. your friend is just jealous and feels like blaming someone for not being accepted into that university. she is gonna get rejected a lot more after it in things such as job applications, so she better gets used to it. even if you hand’t applied and gotten your seat, nothing guarantees that she would have been next in line. you should find friends that celebrate your successes in life and don’t blame you when things don’t go as they expected. i’m sorry she dragged your other friends into it too. | 0 |
9uvt6s | aita for suggesting that my bf would’ve eaten all the food | aita for predicting that my bf wouldve polished off food that was meant for both of us if i hadnt walked in? love my bf but he is known to overeat and eat the last of things without offering to others. yesterday i made dinner. i made enough leftovers of a quinoa salad to have 2 portions to be eaten today for either lunch or dinner. one for each of us. i had a hard day at work so i was already admittedly a little grumpy and when i walk in bf is on the couch with the full serving bowl in his lap, going to town. there definitely isn’t even a serving size left but i do ask him if he had planned to save me any and he quickly replies yes and hands over the bowl with a few bites left and all of the good stuff eaten out of it. later in the evening, i (1/2) jokingly suggest that he would’ve eaten it all if i hadn’t come home at that moment. apparently this really pissed him off as he felt that i was being an asshole by ‘predicting the future’. but the past shows that he will eat the last of something without considering others. and he did have spoon in mouth with little sign of stopping until i said something. aita for pointing this out in a joking manner? | nta | he's upset that you caught him. nta. | nta. he knew he would have eaten all of it. he could have had the decency to save you your portion. | 5 |
9uw48m | aita for laughing at/contributing to dark humor jokes? | i am a white female that attends a large public state university in the us. i’d like to clarify that i am 100% not racist. i do believe in equal rights and treating people fairly. that being said, i have a very broad humor and will laugh and enjoy almost any joke. but that does not make me racist. its starting to get colder outside so the university has cranked up the heat (thankfully) but, because of this- many of the buildings smell rather badly. i get to class early one day and sit in my usual seat and my other (white) friend comes in and sits down next to me. i say hey and we make some small talk and we talk about how the buildings all smell really bad he says “yeah it legit smells like currie in the [dorm]” and i go “damn... haha really? that bad? must be those indian international students.. never heard of deoderant” we both smile and move on with our conversation. and then this asian chick turns around and asks us if we dont think we’re being insensitive to the majority of the students in the class who are infact indian. this kindof raises our eyebrows and confuses us. i go on and tell her “no.. because im not racist. we dont actually believe what we say— its just a stereotype. its only offensive if you get offended” she told everyone in our discussion group how “racist” we are and how she hates “privileged white people making racist jokes” blablabla. terrible things are funny because theyre not funny. and its not like we were talking to her. she was listening in on our conversation and interjected it. i dont regret the joke because i am not ashamed of my humor. its dark humor, and an acquired taste. aita? thanks guys! a little eye opening & ill be more wary of my audience the next time i say something. i did not mean to come off that way. while it may not be a dark joke, it is a racist joke. although i still believe that racist jokes are ok, next time i will be more wary of the people around me. | yta | wow, dude. yta. i am also a white female with a dark sense of humor. what you described is not 'dark', it's racist. you absolutely are speaking from within your privilege, and doubling down by failing to recognize it or give a shit. "it's only offensive if you get offended"? you cannot be this naive. read it again and tell me that's anything other than the racist's way of victim-blaming the people they are *self-purportedly* stereotyping for the sake of "humor". | yta. that wasn't a dark joke, that was a racist joke. learn the difference. also, are you not aware people other than those you are directly talking to can hear your voice? sounds like you're getting upset she overheard your obviously racist joke. | 41 |
9uwmzs | aita for telling this guy to fuck off? | i was in a vehicle collision this morning (no one was injured). my car was a mess. hood bent up 45 degrees, the bumper falling off... i’m behind the wheel in the center turn lane with my head buried in my hands in disbelief. cue the guy on the moped getting off and crossing 3 lanes of traffic on foot to tap on my window and hand me his business card for auto repairs. i promptly tell him to fuck off, and roll up my window. reddit, am i an asshole? | nta | nta. you just had a traumatic event and he's trying to sell you shit. | nta, he’s an opportunist asshole. | 14 |
9uxbel | aita for watching particular video game youtube/twitch channels and not buying the game myself? | to further elaborate myself: is it morally wrong for me to only consume any gaming contents via social media and user-created contents, without me purchasing and playing the game myself? does my action hurt the developers/publisher? i don’t, by any means, illegally download any games and play them. for some single player games i would rather watch other content creators’ lets play and leave it at that rather than buying the game myself and playing it | nta | nta. strange sort of, but not bad. why don’t you play? | nta at all, it’s complete fine to watch video games. | 0 |
9uxpua | aita for not wanting my wife to be artificially inseminated? | i can’t have kids. i’d always looked forward to having kids of my own, and it devastated me to find out that i can’t. i honestly felt like the biggest failure in the world, and i felt awful because my wife also has always wanted kids. i’ve thrown up the idea of adopting, which she likes, but she also wants to experience pregnancy and childbirth. i personally am offput by the idea of a child developing inside my wife that isn’t mine. i don’t know why i’d have no problem adopting, but for some reason i don’t want my wife to be pregnant if it’s not my doing. i want her to be happy, but i’m not sure if i could go through this am i an asshole for thinking like this? this questions tears my mind. edit: just to clarify this is a throwaway account. i feel shame posting this, so i will likely not be replying to many comments. i appreciate any and all perspective on this | nta | nta. kids are a huge step and you have every right to feel uncomfortable with a particular method of having children. you might be the asshole if you didnt want to adopt and were instead telling us you expected your unwilling wife to carry a child, but you're not exactly compromising any bodies bodily autonomy. you just would rather adopt. | nta - with adoption you will have a shared experience with your wife for the rest of your life. you are both raising a child that isn't genetically yours with artificial insemination you and your wife will have different feelings / experiences for the rest of your lives and introducing lots of possible conflicts should you tell your child you're not the biological father? when? what if they want to learn more about their bio father ? what if they want to contact him? ​ | 6 |
9uxsta | aita for telling my gf i dont want to hear her complain? | so this has been an ongoing thing for about 3 years, i've spent so much time trying to decide if i'm justified or not. my gf complains about the smallest things, if i touch her foot getting out of bed, if i want the brighter lights on because i'm doing something but she wants the room darker(she generally likes a darker room and i'm the opposite), random people being assholes on the road. i used to be the same way and i spend a lot of time not saying anything to her because it always turns into an argument. i no longer let the small things bug me, if someone's following too close while i'm driving i move over and let them go that kind of stuff. i am 31 she is 24 and i try to be understanding that some things she just hasn't figured out yet but i also don't feel like i shouldn't have to just listen to a constant stream of complaint daily, i try to tell her that life would be a lot easier if she learned to let little things go but she doesn't take any criticism well so it's like my only choices are an argument or to stfu. | nta | nta. but also doesn’t sound like an enjoyable relationship. like, what’s the point of being in a relationship when you have to bite your tongue to “keep the peace” but she spews whatever comes in to her brain. find someone more enjoyable. what a burden. | nta. it’s been going on for three years and you’ve tried to be patient. it’s okay to be assertive if it brings you down when she’s complaining and negative. | 30 |
9uxxqe | aita for wanting to bring up something that happened years ago? | around 4 years ago i deleted a bunch of friends off of facebook without explanation. this lasted for around a month before i slowly started re-adding people and reintegrating into my old friend group. recently, a friend of ours did the same thing and was treated significantly differently. am i the asshole if i bring this up nearly four years later? more context below. i apologize in advance if it's a bit rambly, i'm not sure how to order this. **the background - the sad times :(** i've been dealing with feelings of depression for most of my life, for anyone feeling vulnerable or depressed please be aware that this post might not be for you. mostly my depression was due to being unhappy with my circumstances in life, but also largely because my brain's an asshole and keeps trying to kill me. four years ago where this fun little story begins, my tightest knit group of friends was a gaming group. we all lived in different cities a few hours away from each other, but we'd meet up every couple of months to go camping or go on mini-trips. i'd known everyone in the group for a couple years at least by the time all this stuff went down. i was not 100% open about feeling depressed at this point, because hey guess what, baring your soul is really difficult. the group was aware that i was generally 'unhappy', though. i was closest with two people in particular, one we'll call fishfan420 and the other we'll call the noodle gimp. these aren't their real names or usernames, but i kind of wish they were. the noodle gimp was a lady streamer on twitch who regularly pulled about 7 viewers a night, and we often would game together just the two of us. we grew really close to the point where she started throwing the word best friend around. fishfan420 was my brother's roommate and we're extremely close now (after all this shenanigans). anyway, things were generally good until one day i grew sick of living and decided i should just go off and take my own life, wrote a lovely ole note and everything. i wanted to just kind of *fade away* so i deleted basically everyone except for family off of facebook and went no contact. didn't end up doing it (yay!), but it was a very close thing. there's a real treacherous road near my house that runs along the side of a canyon. plan was to just drive off real fast without a seatbelt. i remember one night sitting there in my car by the side of the road just sobbing like a gigantic manchild trying to work up the nerve to do it. shit was real bad guys. **the incident - in which lowernotice has his feelings hurt** anyway, about two weeks into my self-imposed isolation, i posted something on twitter. i don't remember what it was, but it was something to the effect of "shit sucks life is pain and linkin park's lyrics finally make sense to me". a few hours later a rando we'd all played with before sends me a message and tells me to check out the noodle gimp's stream. i tune in and she's reading my tweet out on stream and laughing about it, and calls me mr. dramatic. i remember that fishfan420 was there on skype with them, but i don't remember anything else that was said. i deleted the tweet and went to bed. looking back, i really wish i hadn't so i could recall see what i wrote. this really really sucked for me. i was in a pretty garbage place already, and people that i cared for and trusted were kicking me while i was down in front of all seven members of the noodle gimp's extensive streaming network. **the callouts/the aftermath - in which adults do not properly communicate their emotions and we bury things for later** i took some time to process what happened, and a few days later i asked the noodle gimp to talk. i told her what had been going on and why i'd been absent (tried to neck myself yo), and that i'd heard what happened on her stream. she said sorry, and then started talking about how no one knew what was going on with me and they were confused/worried. as far as apologies go, it kind of blew chunks. i reached back out to fishfan420 at this point too, but i honestly don't remember that conversation that well. i don't remember if i talked to him about the tweet too, or told him about my depression, or really anything. i do remember he told me that they didn't know what was going on but they missed me. i spent a few more weeks not talking to anybody, and then i just started showing up for games and stuff again. over time, i slowly made positive changes in my life and i'm in a significantly better place now than i was then. eventually, our friend group found its new normal and i put what happened behind me. **present day - the largely happy times but currently (and hopefully temporarily) unhappy times** yeah boys there's a present day. i bet you forgot by now ya lil scamps, last time i mentioned it was like five hundred words ago. anyway, these days fishfan420 and i are really tight and generally get along great. i still talk to the noodle gimp and we hang out from time to time, mainly just hiking or having fires and just doing fun shit without any crazy emotional engagement. i was pretty cool with things, and i'm so far removed from the person i was four years ago that it can sometimes be hard to remember details from my old life. things are mostly good. but then, blam, a third player joins the arena. tim tiny toes (we call him ttt for short) is a friend i met through fishfan420. he recently pulled the same move i did and blocked everyone in our social circle on facebook. i believe this was largely due to his recent breakup with his ex (whom i've never met), and some drama that went down at my brother's wedding a month ago. basically, he didn't know she was invited and he wasn't happy about it, and he left immediately after the ceremony when his groomsmen duties were over. fishfan420 let me know that he'd blocked a bunch of people on facebook, so i checked and... *bummmerrrrr*, i was one of them. he'd deleted me but hadn't blocked me, so i sent him a message that said something to the effect of "hey man, i hope you're doing okay. i deleted a bunch of people from facebook a while back and it's because i was in a really bad place. is there anything i can do? i'm down to chat if you need it." he blocked me without responding, so i'm not sure what's up with him, but this post is about me so forget that dude for now. ttt lives four hours away from me and fishfan420 so we wouldn't have a chance to just randomly bump into him. but last week fishfan420 and i were on the phone just catching up, and he tells me he's been trying to get ahold of ttt. he tells me about how he was passing through ttt's area so he put together a gift basket with a bunch of awesome kinds of beer in it and a card, and left it on his balcony for him. fellas, that really hurt me. it instantly reminded me of when i was in the same situation ttt was in, and my friends made fun of me on a livestream. it sucked so much. i haven't spoken with anyone yet, but it's been weighing on my mind a lot lately. the noodle gimp is in no way involved in the situation with ttt, i don't think they've ever met and i don't think she knows about it. right now, i want to go back to the noodle gimp and properly explain why i feel that that what she did was incredibly shitty because i don't feel like i covered it properly last time, and i want to go to fishfan420 and ask him why the hell he couldn't put in that kind of effort for me. **miscellanous** we have all changed a lot in the past four years, and i'm generally quite happy with my friendships with both the noodle gimp and fishfan420. i know that if i asked, they would both sit and hear me out. i think it's also possible that fishfan420 only acted differently with ttt because this is his second time around the block and he's had some time to think about how to handle this kind of situation. i also don't know what the hell i'd get out of bringing this up again after all this time. i would have no goal having this conversation. i don't know if it's worth bringing this up so i can have some catharsis or if i should just let sleeping dogs lie. **tl;dr** am i the asshole for bringing up something shitty that happened four years ago? | yta | yta for how long this post is. didn’t even read it, based on the tldr though, you’re probably not | yta, but i wouldn't be too hard on yourself for it. you're basically just jealous that your friends reacted differently now than they did to a similar situation that happened 4 years ago. i don't know any ages here or really what style of relationships you have with these people. however, people change and grow over years, and they usually grow from experiences they've had. your friend noodle gimp was teasing you about something that was very important to you, but there's a good chance she'd never felt anything like what you were feeling, so she didn't know the appropriate way to react. she also probably didn't understand what you were feeling. if she didn't understand what it feels like to be that down, then yeah, saying you're overly dramatic seems like a natural way to playfully poke fun at you. i'm sure she would've acted very differently if she knew you were staring at the edge of a cliff in your running car. your other friend fishfan420 was probably concerned about you, but may not have known how to react. he may have felt that you just needed some time alone. also, he may have been at a rough point himself and wasn't in a condition where he could concern himself with anyone else. i like helping others, but there are definitely times where i'm not in any condition to even talk to someone else, much less help them. i know how those voices in your head can give you annoying thoughts like your friends don't really care about you and maybe the years of friendship didn't really mean as much to them as they did to you, but that doesn't sound like the case at all. it was a similar situation at a totally different point in their lives, of course they're going to react differently. to be honest, i think the best thing for you to do is to try and forget the past. it sounds like you're a much happier person now, but this recent event has triggered some of those old feelings that are trying to pull you back down. i'd definitely want to avoid that and i think the first step is to not dwell on it. | 0 |
9uy5nu | aita for "accidentally" manipulating my dad into buying me a new phone? | ok, one day i noticed my phone was no longer functioning properly since the sides of the phone would have weird touch problems so i couldn't open the notification bar thing. anyways, i was pretty upset and i wanted to have a new one. i called my mom, and she didn't want to pay for a replacement phone. i became really upset, since i couldn't afford a good replacement phone with my own money. seeing this, my grandma told me to call my dad. he works from 6 in the morning to midnight non-stop, sometimes he doesn't even come home. i didn't want to call him since i felt a bit guilty about the incident, and since he's a bit of a cheapskate, he wouldn't really buy an expensive phone for me. i told this to my grandma. so my grandma called him and it went something like this: "your son's phone's not working." "but he said you won't buy him a new one." surprisingly, he said yes. i think i accidentally emotionally manipulated my dad, since if he said no he would probably be pretty embarrassed. am i the asshole here? | nta | nta but i would have told you it was your xmas present and enjoy. | you didn’t do shit. you weren’t expecting your grandmother to say that. that’s not even what you told her, you just said you didn’t think he would buy one and you were bummed about it. why she gotta get in his face and go “he said you refused to replace his broken phone!” embarrassing, but nta | 2 |
9uyha1 | aita for wanting to move out | so i'm 18 (19 in a few weeks) & live in the uk. i have a stable job & a boyfriend (i'm gay). looking to save up enough to buy/rent/shared ownership an apartment. thing is my mother (56) struggles a lot with health & finance issues (fibromyalgia, back, arthritis). mentally she isn't great either. this has had a knock on affect on me hence why i'm on a anti-depresents & can barely stand living in our house. the issue is i'm worried about what could happen if i did. on one hand i would be much happier & probably healthy too with someone i love. on the other i'd have to leave my mother on her own which as described above would probably end badly. i'm so fucking sick of it too. i've been dealing with this since i was as young as 12-13. while others played i looked at price comparison websites, interest rates & insurance. while others talked to their parents she talked to me. i am being selfish? | nta | nta similar situation with my partner and his abusive alcoholic father, who’s been hospitalized for 2 months. during that time my partner got a job, paid off some debt and said the other day “i’m actually happy.” literally from the parking lot of the hospital yesterday dadd-o calls him “i need you to bring 4 fix-a-flats and jumpstart me” he gets discharged and his truck, which we asked about multiple times during his hospitalization ( does it need to be moved, started, etc daddo assured us someone was doing this), is inoperable. the man has literally just walked out the door of the hospital and is already making my partner seethe with anger, now my partner is possibly stuck driving this man to his medical appts 2x a week. dadd-o actually had the audacity to try “i’ve done a lot for you” my partner just about lost his mind. i’m doing all i can to help him put up boundaries where there have been none historically. it’s not easy but his life is passing him by getting sucked into this bs. you both deserve better. | nta by any stretch of the imagination. the fact that you’re even worried about this shows you’re not. you are not responsible for taking care of your mother. and you can’t help her, even a little bit, unless you’re properly taking care of yourself. we’re lucky enough to live in a country where your mothers conditions are not going to result in her being homeless. get out, enjoy being with your partner and enjoy being 19. you’ll be a much bigger support for your mum if you’re able to manage your own mental health well and show her by example how to live independently. | 5 |
9uyjla | aita for telling my boyfriend he’s an alcoholic? | my boyfriend gets defensive when i tell him he has a drinking problem. he tells me he “doesn’t qualify” because he doesn’t drink everyday. this is true, but when he does drink he thinks he needs to be hammered. the night will eventually lead to him throwing up and passing out around 6am. he turns into a completely different person when he’s drunk and i usually spend the night cooped up in our bedroom because i don’t want to deal with his antics. the thing is, his mom is definitely an alcoholic. she drinks all of the time and just got out of a dui (luckily) because i answered my phone for the cops at 2am and came to get her. i know alcoholism runs in families and i don’t want him to end up in the same boat as his mom. so aita for telling my boyfriend he is an alcoholic and needs help? i love him dearly and just want him to be safe. also, if i am the asshole, how to i go about fixing this? | nta | nta. you obviously care about him and are watching for the warning signs of alcoholism. chances are if he grew up amongst alcoholics he has no real idea what a healthy relationship with alcohol is like. | nta you have valid concerns. might be helpful to avoid the label though, he’s incorrect anyway, binge drinkers don’t drink everyday. and if his choices are negatively impacting his life, which they are since you’re hiding in the bedroom, that in and of itself, then he has a problem with alcohol. | 9 |
9uyro4 | aita for not wanting to have kids when i think me and my girlfriend are not ready? | my girlfriend of 2 years has put an ultimatum to me today after dropping major hints this year that she wants a baby; “get me pregnant or i’m leaving you”. for context my girlfriend was pregnant last year, but we decided that we weren’t ready so had an abortion. i was with her for every step of the way but she now uses this against me “i had an abortion for you”. financially we are in a hole, she wrote off her car at the beginning of this year and pressurised me into buying a new car because she “didn’t feel safe” driving my old one, which in her defence had broken down on me once before. this left me in a £10k debt. she is desperately unhappy in her current role but refuses to even try to find a new job, let alone one that provides maternity cover. honestly i think she lacks the confidence to find a new job because she feels her criminal record (which is now spent so she doesn’t have to mention it) is holding her back. when she was 18 she was groomed into smuggling drugs from jamaica back to the uk *for context also we have only been together 2 years which i feel isn’t that long to consider having a baby right now. we are 29 and 28. happy to answer any additional questions but i am mainly looking for some perspective, she says that i am dictating the decision on her having a child which makes me feel really guilty. | nta | nta. to me it just sounds like she has baby fever because she isn’t very logical about having a baby. have you talked to her about your financial situations? if she really values your relationship, i feel that she should be talking to you more about going further in the relationship like getting married, having a future together, striving towards a stable financial environment for both of you and the baby. i think it would be more logical for the ultimatum if you guys were in talks of getting married and she wants a baby immediately but you don’t see yourself having one anytime soon. | nta - you've been together for two years. you're not married. you provide for her. you're in debt. she doesn't work. she gave you an ultimatum (if she really would break up with you over not wanting a baby right this second but will in the future then she's probably more in it for a baby). you don't owe her anything because she had an abortion last year - that was a decision that you two made together, this is a decision she is trying to make solely whether you like it or not. be careful, if you say no and she doesn't break up with you, she may try to put holes in the condoms, stop taking her birth control, etc. | 47 |
9uyv80 | aita for stealing kills in an overwatch deathmatch with my friends | i usually do it on accident but i sometimes do it on purpose because i find it funy to hear them sound like squeakers. i don’t really know if im being an asshole because the game allows you to do this and i find it fun to have it but im thinking they are just overreacting. | yta | yta, freaking hacker, well guess what, i had sex with your mom, also, my dad works for microsoft, i'm going to have him ban your computer from the internet. | yta but it’s not hurting anything. i do that too for laughs just don’t overdo it, you know? | 0 |
9uz3o1 | aita for kissing and having strong feelings for my best friend's ex? | okay, so this is very long and i completely understand not wanting to read the whole thing. the only reason i'm making this post is because the situation is so complicated. i've also seen many posts on this subreddit where it seems like people are deliberately skewing the story in their favor, and while i'm obviously biased, i'm going to try and explain the entire situation. i became friends with john a few years ago, after meeting from a mutual friend. we hit it off and clicked pretty well, with a shared interest in comics, board games, and outdoorsy adventure stuff. as the friendship progressed, he became the main person i could tell my shit to. and there was a fair amount of shit - i've dealt with various amounts of anxiety and depression my whole life. i've always felt uncomfortable or anxious around others, even john, and whenever these feelings of anxiety got bad, i'd get more depressed. it was a pretty vicious cycle. the main downside to this was i've never been able to interact with girls very well. now, i like to think i'm not the stereotypical anxious male that can't speak to girls. i've had plenty of female friends, but they just rarely developed romantically. him on the other hand, is a different story. he's had this girlfriend for a few years, we'll call her sarah. i didn't start getting to know her until earlier this year, but i'll get to that in a bit. after them dating for about a year and a half, he pressured her into an open relationship. being in a relationship made him feel constrained, and he started hooking up with lots of girls, even having sex with a few of them. she was never really okay with this, and he knew how sad all this made her, but she always said it was okay because she had a pretty big reliance on him at this point. (she lives about an hour away from us in the middle of nowhere, and the only friends available to her aren’t the best, putting it nicely.) i started to become the person she could talk to about all this - regularly at parties me and her would end up alone together while he would be off hooking up with some girl. (i've asked her recently if she was ever okay with, or ever wanted this open relationship and she said no - he told her he'd break up with her if she wasn't okay with it. he'd always told me she wanted it as much as he did.) a few months ago, i was really into this girl me and john had just become friends with. i got on really well with her, and thought she liked me too. i was wrong on that one, because as it turns out she liked john. me and him talked about my feelings for her, but he ended up kissing her anyway. a lot. he didn't even really like her, she was just there and wanted to kiss him, so he did. he told me the next day and even though i was obviously annoyed, i forgave him, and we moved on. john broke up with sarah a few months ago. me and him both started college this year (different colleges), and i think this combined with him finally realizing how sad he made her a lot cause him to end it. she was sad but got over it okay. me and sarah started talking a lot more after the break up. he stayed friends with her, and continuously asked her to be "fuck buddies" with him, and even got upset when she said no. he's currently seeing two girls, neither seriously, and this has been making sarah pretty sad. despite how sad he made her, they'd been best friends and in a relationship for three years, after all. everything came to a head a few weeks ago at his halloween party - me and her were both feeling like shit, and we both drank a lot. but this isn't when we kissed. we just sat on a couch away from the party, hugged a little and spent some time talking to each other. we were closer than friends, but nothing else happened that night. he saw us sitting close anyway, but he seemed okay about it. we talked, and everything seemed normal. she talked to him a few nights later, and he asked her if we kissed. she of course said no, and when she told me this, i told her that i had been thinking about kissing her. and she told me she'd been thinking about it too. this was a pretty big deal for me. as stressful and confusing as this situation was, i was slightly happy that someone felt the same for me as i was feeling for them. we talked for a while that night, sorting out our feelings and we came to the same conclusion – being close to each other was good and made us both feel comfortable and happy. we had a connection. we met up again a few days later, just to go for a walk and talk during one of my college lunch breaks, and we stood under a tree while it rained and hugged. again, nothing more happened. we both just wanted to feel comfortable. however, i felt terrible after this. i felt like i was completely betraying my best friend. i told her that night that we couldn't do anything anymore, that we had to stop. she was very sad after i said this. she didn't reply to me for hours, finally saying that it’s terrible the one thing that makes us both happy we can't do. yeah. i agreed. another few days later, and we've still been messaging nearly all the time. we missed each other. she tells me she's been talking to john a lot more recently, and he brought up the idea of her and i going out. we still hadn't told him anything at this point, so he brought this up on his own. she said she'd really like it, and he told her he'd be okay with it, even if though it would make him really sad. apparently (i only found this out after me and her kissed) he flipped back and forth on this opinion a lot. two nights ago, i was particularly stressed and overwhelmed, and i switched my phone completely off and slept in way too late the next day. a few minutes after i woke up the next afternoon, there's a knock on my door and she shows up. we had plans to meet up with john and a group of our friends later that day, but she decided to come to me early. i'd literally just woken up minutes ago so after we talked for a bit i had a shower. after this we hugged and cuddled some more and this led to kissing. i don't want to be misinterpreted here - i'm not claiming "one thing led to another and it just happened". it didn't. we both willingly made the decision to do this, both of us thinking while john wouldn't exactly be happy about it, it would be okay. it'd make things hard, for sure, but we decided to prioritize our own happiness. we spent a lot of time together that day, and while it didn't ever go further than kissing, we did lose some items of clothing along the way. we were close. it was intimate. we saw him later that day along with the big group of friends and i felt guilty - but also happy. i was with someone who cared about me as much as i cared about them. i was in a pretty good mood. i was going to tell him that night but sarah asked me to wait. she told me we needed to decide what to say and we shouldn't do it that night cause it'll be a shit end to an great day. terrible logic, i know, but i went with it. i told her the next morning how important it was for me to be the one to tell him - i felt like i needed to because i owed it to him. like he'd do the same for me. she said she understood but proceeded to tell him herself. alright, whatever. i thought it would be a manageable situation. boy, was i wrong. he immediately blocked me on all social medias, so i sent him a text trying to explain, saying i was sorry and most of all saying we should talk about the whole situation. i didn't get a response. she did, however. he said all sorts of things to her, including "i'm never speaking to either of you again" and "i've lost both you" and "you've ruined everything". neither of us heard from him for a few days after that, and he still hasn't talked to me. to be clear, i'm not trying to hide from what we did. we’re both taking responsibility for it. we shouldn't have done what we did, at least not without talking to him first. i understand that, and we made a mistake. but i also feel like he's handling this really badly, considering the amount of things he has done to us and we have forgiven and talked to him about. just after i finished typing all this, she messaged me saying she spoke to him last night. he said a lot of mean things to her, made her feel really guilty, and eventually gave her an ultimatum - he'll consider being friends with us again if me and her never see each other again in any way if he's not there. i had a few comments to say about this, but generally they were as follows: he should also talk to me about this. he's blocked me everywhere and my texts went unanswered so i feel like it's now on him to talk to me. he should communicate with me as well as her. i told her i'm not even going to consider being friends with him again until he contacts me. i'm not trying again. he simply can't ban two people from seeing each other. yes, he can decide not to be friends with us and that's his choice, but this seems very emily from *friends* to me. it feels like a cheap sitcom plot and honestly it seems childish. and finally, i told her that i was angry at him now too. up until now, i was just feeling bad about what we did and was worried i'd lost my best friend because of a stupid mistake. but now, with the way he's handled this and the things i've found out about the way he treated his relationship with her, i'm angry at him. i forgot to mention earlier, but when she brought up the fact he said he was okay with a potential relationship between me and her, he told her it makes it so much worse what we did because we knew it would make us sad. i thought this was a really stupid way to think about the whole situation, but i digress. me and her are both still talking to each other, and still have a strong connection and feelings for each other. so that's everything. thanks to anyone who reads the whole thing. aita, firstly for kissing her and secondly for the way i'm now feeling and handling this situation? | nta | nta. john is. he manipulated her into a relationship dynamic she wasn't comfortable with, dropped her when it became inconvenient, and then continued to pressure her into something she didn't want with zero regard for her feelings. now, he's trying to manipulate both of you into not seeing each other, again with zero regard for either of you. these are not the actions of a friend. | nta, john does not control your lives and if you feel like you aren't being respected as much as you have respected him as well as if he acts the way he does, it only shows his immaturity. you on the other hand seem to be much more rational and mature and you need to be able to identify toxic friends even when they are your best friend. you have to make sure you are happy as well, and in this situation make sure sarah is too. i would say give john an ultimatum about your friendship and continue to see sarah and the two of you live your lives happily and don't worry about what john thinks because he clearly doesn't seem to care about what you think. | 0 |
9uz9eu | aita for not helping a friend who refuses to help himself? | a friend constantly messages me for help regarding uni work. i try to give him some guidance and all but it's getting really obvious that he just want direct answers for his questions. what's even worse is he barely comes in to uni so it's obvious why he's struggling so much. so for once, i responded that he should have attended lectures to satisfy his questions as they explained it really well there. his reply almost implies that i'm an asshole for not helping a friend in need. now, i know people might wonder why this is even a question but this post is really more to do with questioning my priorities, and less on the issue i stated above. i forgot the context but i was once asked by another friend if i value doing well in a test over helping a friend out (not in a life or death situation obviously) and they seem to be shocked when i said yes. is it bad that i value my future over friendship because honestly, i'm getting really frustrated of looking like the villain all the time since i'm surrounded with friends who values their friendship over doing well in their course. | nta | nta. but if you were enabling your friend this whole time, and if you do consider him a friend, don't just stop helping him out of nowhere. make it clear that "this is the last time i'm helping you". that's probably why he's upset. if that's not why he's upset, tell him to go fuck himself and get new friends. you aren't entitled to help people, but make it clear if that's the last time you are going to help them if they skip frequently. if he fails it's his fault and his fault alone though, im not saying any blame is on you. | nta. if attendance is that bad and your friend gets good marks on his work, the professor might question how that's happening. obviously i don't know the policy on academic honest for your uni but at the school i attend, that could be a big problem. | 5 |
9uzt3x | aita for asking for more money after an agreement has been reached? | about 6 months ago, i was selling a camera lens on facebook marketplace. i initially listed it for $50, and no takers after a week. after lowering the price to $40, after several days, i had over 20 people reach out. the first guy who did seemed nice, and we agreed at $40. one of the people who reached out later offered $45. i came back to the first guy and asked him if he was willing to pay $45 for it. he begrudgingly agreed, but then later changed his mind and called me "rude and immature for going back on my word, and he hoped one day when i'm older i would honor my agreements." i ended up selling to the guy who offered $45. for context, i am 23 and the guy, at least according to his profile pic, looked well over 50, maybe 60. i've been conflicted about this and not sure if i made the right move. i gave him the opportunity to match the offer, but he called me out for dishonoring our agreement. | yta | yta. fine to sell it to the highest bidder, but not *after* you've agreed to sell it to someone else at a certain price. the guy was right, you should've stuck with your word. | yta you went back on an established deal just for 5 extra dollars | 24 |
9uzt5f | aita for making jew jokes to a jew? | im in college. some dorm neighbors and i were playing jackbox 2 a few weekends ago (before the pittsburgh shooting). during a round of quiplash, i made a couple jew jokes. nothing directed directly at jews, but just normal edgelord/makes you laugh at 2 am shit like "mecha hitler" and just using the word jew where it made no rational sense. one of the guys in there was jewish. he laughed at the first few, but then out of no where he goes ballistic when "braided hair of clone hitler" came up. he yelled for about 30 seconds and left. he went quiet for a few weeks in our group chat. last night i was talking with another guy in there about the most recent game grumps 10 minute power hour. i quoted the joke "jews faked the moon landing" which was made by dan, who is jewish himself. when i woke up, the guy was back in the chat and messaged "can you stop making jew jokes you bitch". so now im concerned. am i the asshole? update: literaly right after i postwd this he said that since the joke i said came from a jew it was ok. he himself said "there is a heavy double standard". nkw im just confused | yta | yta, sorry. you’ve got to practice making better jokes that aren’t at other people’s expense. simple rule: if in doubt, don’t! to even think about making a joke about someone’s race/colour/sex/etc... you have to know them incredibly well and have built up and understanding with them that it’s not meant any other way that a jestfull ribbing. even then you probably only get to make one comment in a blue moon. ideally never! regardless of how you meant it these are people who live daily knowing that people hate them merely for being who they are, and that they face judgement or harm due to that. 11 days ago 11 people were murdered purely because they were jewish. by using a racial epithet as a joke you’re referring to all that prejudice and threat even if you don’t think you are. | asking if it's ok doesn't make it better at all, imo. why put him in that position? maybe he felt uncomfortable speaking up until it just got out of hand. also none of those jokes sound remotely funny to me. yta | 50 |
9uzt8y | aita for being late to meet up with my gf on her birthday because i was baking her a cake? | ok so this happened a few months ago and we have since broken up (for various reasons; butted heads too much) but this still bothers me and i want to know if i’m in the wrong. so her birthday was coming up and i asked her how she wanted to spend the day; it fell on a weekend so we were both off and i’d be able to enjoy the whole day with her. she said she wanted to go to a high end strip mall about two hours away to go shopping, then meet up with some friends at a bar in the evening. she was always into designer clothes and handbags etc. i never understood the hype around that (and i don’t have the money to be able to shop like that) but i said i was fine with it, it’s her birthday and we should do what she wants. well a few weeks prior to that she had also hinted that she really wanted a strawberry cheesecake for her birthday. i mean really really hinted, not subtle at all. it seemed really important to her so i thought it would be nice if i made it from scratch for her rather than buying it. i’d never made a cheesecake before so i was a little nervous i would screw it up and i’ve heard they’re pretty difficult to get right. i started doing research to prepare for it, learned how to do all the cool stuff like make the wavy details on the top with puréed strawberries and stuff. online i read that cheesecake tastes the best when it’s prepared within 24 hours of being eaten so i figured i would stay at my place the night before and start it around 9am so i’d be ready to go leave for the strip mall at noon; i got home late the night before and didn’t have time to make it before bed. well, i completely underestimated the time it would take me to make a cheesecake and ended up way behind schedule; it didn’t help that my electric mixer died halfway through and i had to run over to a neighbor’s and borrow theirs. the cake was supposed to be a surprise, but after constant texts of why i’m so late and what i’m doing i decided to tell her. i thought it would make her slightly more understanding (knowing that i was trying to make her happy instead of goofing off with friends or oversleeping) but it just got her more angry with me. she claimed that the strip mall was what she really wanted to do for her birthday and the cake meant nothing to her, i should’ve just bought one instead of delaying everything. i realized i was in the fault by not planning better, and she really hates when i’m late to things, but her reaction surprised me and hurt a bit. i ended up getting to her house around 3pm with the cake. she said we didn’t have any time to go shopping anymore and wouldn’t let me take her somewhere a little closer by. eventually she calmed down a bit and was happy with the cake (especially when she tasted it, go me) and we were able to have a nice night out with her friends. we went to the strip mall the next weekend and got there super early so she could stay all day. i thought it was over and done with at this point and that she’d forgiven me but she would continuously bring up how i ruined her birthday when we had fights down the line. was i in the wrong here? | nta | nta you were doing something sweet for her and she was being unappreciative, it was probably for the best you broke up with her sense she’s so ungrateful ps love that this post is on your cake day | woooooow, nta. yeah, you could have planned better, i can even kinda understand her being upset in the moment, you probably should have told her about the cake when there was still time to go shopping so she could choose what she wanted more. the part that really makes her an asshole is that she held it against you later, especially since you made it right and she got her shopping trip. that's fucked up, no one is perfect, and it sounds like she had a good birthday so wtf? | 119 |
9v080s | aita for canceling a commission? | hi there, this is my first reddit post so i'll try to be as descriptive as i can. so a few months back i had gone to an artist i really liked to ask them for a commission. they agreed and i started to talk to them about what i had wanted done. i tried to be as polite and friendly as i could as i one, really liked their art, and two understand how stressful being an artist online can be. communication always seemed to be a bit slow, which i could deal with, but eventually nearly a month had gone by and i still hadn't heard anything. for me communication is pretty important, especially when i would've been spending quite a bit of money to get my artwork done. i was a bit nervous about getting the progress emails, and i simply didn't want to wait months on end to get my art piece done. i contacted them to inform them that while i thanked them for their time i was going to cancel my commission, and i informed as to why as i think it's important to give a reason; that the communication was a bit too lacking for my tastes and that they appeared to be a bit too busy to finish my commission by the time i need it to be done. they replied saying that they had been moving housing situations, something they hadn't told me about, and there were other people in front of me on the list, another thing they didn't tell me about. they then accused me of thinking they were a machine, and stated they'd refuse to take any more commissions from me. it had all seemed very passive aggressive. and i don't really mind if they don't want to take commissions from me, it's their decision but it had me thinking whether i was in the wrong or not. i guess it's just been eating at me as of late. | nta | nta. i’m an artist so i have a bit of opposite perspective on this. the artist should cater to you, you should not have to cater to them. they’re the ones selling a product, they should be responsible enough to not take on a commission if they’re too busy to handle it. they also need to tell you if something’s come up and give you an estimate of about how long it’ll take to get your piece done. you’re totally innocent here. | as long as you were polite in canceling (which it sounds like you were), you’re nta. you’re under no obligation to buy anything from anyone, especially if there has been radio silence on their end. they’re operating themselves as a business and should be forthcoming with major delays, otherwise they lose customers. it doesn’t sound like they had even really started on the piece that you commissioned, and they definitely should have handled themselves more professionally. | 2 |
9v088t | aita for requesting someone else not invite a racist to their own home? | okay, so to start, my in laws host a “family gathering” at their house about once a month. while i won’t go in to all of the politics behind when they choose the date and who they pick, just know they do it strategically. this month it happens to be the saturday after my daughters birthday which is when we have thrown her birthday party every year since she was born. always the saturday after her birthday.... anyway, i had been getting along with my in laws reasonably well lately and was approached last month when they planned this and they said they’d love to have the party at their house and they’d pitch in for food and decorations and invite my family and only certain family members on their side as quite a few of them are drama filled, toxic people. now less than a week before hand, i find out she’s invited 4 whole families from the extended family i had not agreed on. no heads up or anything, just invited them all. i don’t really have a big problem with most of these people, i stay out of drama and after almost a decade of being a part of this family, they leave me out of it. now here’s the part where i might be an asshole. one of these families is my father in law’s sister. she has a history of severe depression and doesn’t have much family of her own in the area. she’s a lovely person, she loves my kids, and they love her too. she’s been very depressed lately and so my in laws invited her to the party. i like to keep parties small and wanted just immediate family and wouldn’t normally have invited her, but whatever, that part isn’t the big deal. here’s what is: her new husband is hugely racist. uses the n word frequently, says things like “people should keep to their own kind” referring to interracial couples. reminisces of segregation, thinks only white male land owners should vote, etc. also is very vocal on such issues. most of my husband family chalks it up to him being “from another generation”. i think that’s utter bullshit and shouldn’t be tolerated from anyone no matter their age. i don’t want him there, especially after my mother in law invited my sibling who is in an interracial marriage and has three young children who shouldn’t be exposed to such hate at their cousins birthday party. i understand this is their house and they have the right to invite who they want. so am i the asshole for insisting he not be there whether or not the aunt will come? edit 2: happy ending guys! i spoke with my in laws, they heard my concerns and agree with me. he has been uninvited. | nta | nta, and if your in laws aren’t willing to uninvite him i’d consider just canceling and throwing a smaller party in your own home. i know i wouldn’t want to have to deal with that toxicity on what should be a happy day | nta- you're trying to provide a fun , positive, birthday party for your daughter. ​ i'd politely point out that inviting someone who has problem with interracial couples , and inviting an interracial couple is likely to cause some drama, and that you don't want to risk some big drama happening at your daughters birthday party. that you were looking forward to having the party there, but you don't feel like taking a risk like that with your daughters bday . | 213 |
9v0cl7 | aita for going on a weekend while my dad is spending all his time renovating my house. | so i bought a house that required a thorough renovation. my dad is retired and an extremely handy guy. he already helped building my brother and sister’s houses but was a bit reluctant to help me with mine as he can get quite stressed about it. but eventually he agreed to help me. however as i have a full-time job i can only help in the weekends and during my holidays. when i'm at work during the week my dad is at the house on his own and sometimes asks one of his brothers or friends for help. i don’t expect him to be there when i am working but i must admit it is handy. i on the other hand am also an amateur photographer and am sort of the house photographer for a youth organization in our town. i have been for several years now and they are counting on me being there when they have an event. this year i already blew off some activities because of the renovation but as the organization exists for around 60 years they are organizing an extra weekend for all of their members. they asked me if i could come as well and i already said yes. it’s a once in a decade weekend extra but it just happens to fall during this time when we are renovating. so i kind of feel bad that my dad is doing so much work in the house and i’m going on a weekend. i haven’t told my dad yet as he is recently somewhat stressed. i plan to tell him this week but i’m currently looking to take some extra leave during the week to compensate for the weekend. | nta | nta just tell your dad to take the weekend off and relax | nta. but if you can, maybe have your dad take a break that weekend too and treat him to something nice as a thank you. | 0 |
9v0dni | aita for not wanting a relationship with my dad? | i don't have the greatest relationship with either of my parents. my dad left my mom when she told him she was pregnant with me, and my mom was pretty emotionally and physically abusive. however, when i was 8 or so, my dad put some effort into staying in touch; emails frequently, birthday and holiday cards with some cash. some of my other family members say it's important for me to try to have a relationship with him, which makes me feel extremely guilty. they say i'll regret it if something happens to him or the time comes when he passes away. my dad is like a stranger to me though. i've seen him only a handful of times in the 30 years i've been alive, and it's always awkward. recently i got a message from his wife, basically berating me for not wishing him a happy birthday. i didn't respond to her, but i felt terrible so i messaged him and apologized, just saying i've been really busy. this has always been an uncomfortable topic for me, and i've always been on the fence on whether or not i should put more effort into it or try to just cut ties. | nta | ok first off, that title made my think of something waaay different. nta in my opinion, that he left your mother before you were born is reason enough | nta, you have a choice to not have a relationship with your parents, let alone if they left before you were born. hearing that his current wife is already berating you for not wishing him a happy birthday is even more of a reason to not have contact with him imo (had a step mother that was the same way, and i still hate her to this day). | 0 |
9v0mvl | wibta if i purposefully got my neighbor evicted because of their barking dog? | so i've lived in my apartment for 9 months now. it's absolutely perfect except for one thing: my neighbor's barking dog. my neighbor lives in the building next to me, but our buildings are connected and we share a wall on our kitchens, dining rooms (although i use mine as an office), bathrooms, and bedrooms. their dog barks nonstop in their kitchen and dining room when they're not home, and as a consequence i have a hard time focusing on my homework when i get home from class. if i make the slighest noise in my kitchen, the dog goes off for hours after so i feel like i'm walking on eggshells in my own home because of their dog. i left a note for them for the first time a few months after i moved in. it was after 10pm and the dog just wouldn't stop barking which i felt was ridiculous. the note wasn't aggressive, i even suggested the dog might just be bored. i said i know it's hard to know what your dog does when you're not home so i cut them some slack, but i did remind them about the quiet enjoyment provision in our leases (and i'm in md so this means landlords have the duty to control their tenants' noise). after about a month, nothing had changed so i put in a complaint with the landlord and the barking stopped for about a week. then it started back up again. i put up with this for a few more months, and i put in another complaint with the landlord because it was obvious they weren't taking any steps to solve the issue. everyone got a letter from the landlord that said the next time they get a complaint about the dog, the person whose dog it is gets a 30 notice to evict. i found this odd since i told them specifically what apartment it was coming from so i don't know why every apartment got a letter. the dog never stopped. i don't want to get these people evicted because of their dog, so i left another note for them. non-threatening, basically the same as the first note. but i again told them i'm going to have to complain to the landlord if it doesn't stop. the dog stopped for about a week again, but now it's back to the usual. i've put up with this for so long i don't know what else to do. i don't want them to get evicted, but they clearly don't care about the noise their dog makes. so, wibta if i put in another complaint with my landlord possibly resulting in their eviction? | nta | nta, you’ve gave them numerous chances to correct their dog’s barking. they just don’t care. you’ve been fairly reasonable and they’re continuing to break their lease by having a noise nuisance. you’re not “getting them evicted”, they’re getting themselves evicted for repeatedly ignoring the request from the landlord to correct the issue. | nta. they know it's a problem and have been given multiple chances to fix it. they don't *care*. at this point they have no one to blame but themselves if another complaint leads to eviction. it's a basic courtesy thing. | 20 |
9v0tg7 | aita for not wanting to plan/heavily participate in a second baby shower? | my friend had a baby ten years ago (at about age 25). we were super close back then and my mom and i spent a lot on the shower (probably $300-400 +), and her good friend did the whole baby pregnancy photo shoot for free. it was pretty huge. she got divorced about 5 months later, and she raised the child on her own. the child is a boy and is now 9. she got remarried a year ago. she had 5 bridesmaids, including me. we haven't been in touch as much because i live 2 hours away, and it seems like we only get to hang out when i go visit my hometown (i.e. she never comes in specially to see me although i haven't had a chance to invite her). anyway, we are still close friends but not as close now. so what happened is: her husband messaged about 7 of us on facebook and asked us what date would work for the baby shower as her friend had a space she could use on certain days in february, and needed to reserve it. my pregnant friend knows that it will be happening and where, but the rest would be a surprise. he pushed a certain date where the space would be free, even though one friend said she had class until about 2 hours before and would have to rush there. once a couple had responded the date worked, he said "so i'll just leave the rest to you all just let me know if you need a hand with anything." no one in the thread said anything about setting up and one friend will have to rush there so obviously wouldn't be planning or hosting it. i haven't heard anything about her mother hosting it either. so i think he meant that one or all of us should step forward and plan it. to be honest, i was surprised she is having one at all, because she got so much at the last one (granted years ago, but i know she kept a lot of things). i feel weird about spending another $100-200 (which i will have to not to look rude in this circle) on items that we bought before. she has a house and good job now, so i am a bit put off by it all and i definitely don't want to plan it. am i the asshole for not being an enthusiastic planner/friend? she is announcing the sex at the shower apparently. | nta | nta, not in the slightest. it’s generally rude to have a second baby shower, but it’s especially rude to be thrusted into the role of hostess. that’s something people volunteer for, not the parents-to-be assign to others. if it’s his first child, i can get some of his excitement over it and wanting to have a shower, but you still don’t throw people into the role who never asked to be there. if it’s not his first child, that just layers on the tackiness. i don’t blame you in the slightest for not wanting to do something you were thrusted in to doing. just gracefully bow out. | nta. politely decline by saying: i arranged the last one for her, so i’ll let another have the pleasure this time. | 5 |
9v159m | aita for wanting to call in sick? | i just got a seasonal job for the holidays (i should mention it’s retail). i’ll only be with them for three months or so, but i need the extra money. when i went in for the initial onboarding process, i informed my new manager that i would need to call a few days off—i did the math, and it was a total of 6 days. two are for a job i already work and have already been scheduled for, and 4 were for family vacations that have been planned since the beginning of the year. i wanted to call them off before i was officially signed on so we wouldn’t have to talk about them again because i absolutely hate asking for days off. when i told her this, she essentially brushed me off and told me that she couldn’t take any day requests from me because i wasn’t in the system yet. she didn’t bother to take any notes or anything, and essentially acted like it wasn’t a big deal and that we’d deal with it when i came in for my first shift. fair enough. i went in last thursday and had a really great first day, but upon looking at the schedule, i discovered that she had scheduled me for one of the exact dates i needed to ask off—it was for one of the family vacations i mentioned; it had been planned since march. i told my manager that i had needed that day off and she basically told me “sorry, it’s your problem now, find somebody to cover it.” she also got very stern with me and essentially tried to “put me in my place” as a seasonal employee by telling me she couldn’t promise my days off because i was there to help give the regular employees time off. i understood that perfectly, but this wasn’t articulated when i first told her i needed to ask for time. again, she brushed me off. plus, the other problem is, i didn’t know anybody to ask to cover the shift, as it was my first day. i went into our storewide group chat and asked if anybody would be available and almost everybody has declined, even after i offered to buy whoever took it lunch and pay them an extra $50 for their troubles. no dice. the girl who trained me is an angel on earth, and essentially told me that it would be okay if i called in sick for that day, being that the shift isn’t for another two weeks and that our manager has more than enough time to get somebody on it. she even told me she would stay past her shift to cover me if they needed. all in all, she told me it wasn’t a big deal. i felt better, but my fear is that being that i’m only a seasonal employee and i’ve barely worked, i feel like calling off without getting an official cover is wrong, and could be grounds to get me fired. i’ve never worked retail before, so i’m not entirely sure what the law of the land is. so here poses the question, am i the asshole for wanting to call in sick that shift? | nta | honestly as somebody who worked retail nta. though fair warning, the group text is a bit of proof that you aren't sick. it really depends on your crew but some brown nosing asshole might try to get you in trouble. either way it's just seasonal work, and take your sick day. | nta. i wouldn't have personally taken the job if i didn't get my days off approved beforehand. she brushed it off and didn't give you those days off in writing because she already knew she wasn't going to give you those days. she's the asshole. if you do call off, it would be grounds for termination, especially because it is a seasonal job and it is only 2 weeks into your employment with them. i think its your judgement call. do you think keeping this job is worth missing out on a vacation? who knows but sounds like your managet is a jerk and will hold you against it if you do call off. | 0 |
9v1ecl | aita for covering my boyfriends mouth while he yelled during an argument | my boyfriend and i have been dating for about 3 years and live together. we differ in politics which sparked a drunken argument the other night. he ended up screaming at the top of his lungs to the point that i had to keep telling him to quiet down and when he wouldn't my drunken self kept putting my hand over his mouth to try to shut him up. he kept smacking my hand away telling me not to touch him. i understand i shouldn't touch him but my drunk self just continued to put my hand over his mouth because he kept screaming. that's when he "pushed" my chest to knock me down. his push was more of hitting me in the chest so hard that i flew back. he's acting like i was super out of line to put my hand over is his mouth and what he did was justified. we've had discussions and arguments over politics before but not like this. i do feel bad i kept putting my hands on him when he told me not to but i don't think he should of pushed me like that. | yta | yta for putting your hands on someone who explicitly told you not to. he's ta for pushing you. neither sin seems unforgivable to me. learn how to fight better; the key to any healthy long-term relationship. | yta, and you should probably not be together, you both have a total lack of respect for each other. | 33 |
9v1fuc | aita for not letting cars merge into my lane? | there’s several roads that i drive on regularly that have another lane merge into the left (uk) lane. it’s not a “merge in turn” and there’s no signs stating this. i stay in the left lane because it’s the lane that goes through the junction without having to merge in. often, people will go in the other lane in order to skip traffic and then merge in. when people try to do this, i stay as close as i (safely) can to the car ahead, so that people can’t cut in front of me. i’ve been beeped at and flipped off, even though they’re in the wrong and it’s my right if way. my dad says i should just let them merge but aita for not letting people skip traffic and then push infront of me? | yta | personally i think you may be. if there are two lanes people should use both of the lanes equally and then merge when required. if people are using the incorrect lane deliberately to cut traffic (like using a right turn only lane to go straight ahead and trying to merge) then you're not. however if both lanes allow traffic to go straight on, but one lane needs to merge into the other for whatever reason, yta. | yta. zipper merging is the proper way and you're just being a dick. https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/driving-advice/zip-merging/ | 27 |
9v1osi | wibta if i talked to my friend about the fact that he likes to "ruin peoples good time" | sorry for the long post i am trying to include as much relevant information as i can. let's get a couple of statements out of the way. 1. i am a pretty blunt person, very type a, and am often considered the asshole. 2. i only care about what other people think of me to the extent that i use it as a self modifying tool (if i am the asshole i then identify what it is that i need to adjust in myself) 3. i am constantly working on bettering myself for others for myself (see statement 2). i know this does not excuse any behaviors i do, but it explains why i am here asking about this. it is possible he might find this post as he does sometimes browse reddit but i doubt it since he's not really aware of this sub. but if he does i hope he knows i am asking because of genuine care for him and our friendship. ​ let's get down the the question. i have noticed over the several years we have been friends that my friend (let's call him george) has some peculiarities that could put him as very high functioning aspergers. i majored in a branch of psychology which was not enough to by any means diagnose him, but enough that i notice some tendencies and know that since george is so high functioning a diagnosis could have been missed or overlooked. most of his "quirks" are acceptable and do not hinder our friendship or his social interaction in general. he understands that sometime things are considered inappropriate in general social situations, but does not really know what those are specifically, so he just goes into "safe mode" where he doesn't say anything controversial at all, even to those he considers friends. i do not think this is by any means a bad thing, but it means he is uncomfortable opening up to us and therefore limits our friendship. i do not say this because i am assuming i say it because after several years of friendship with george he expressed to a mutual friend that he is afraid that i will "be done with him" and then he will lose all his friends because of it. let me explain this statement. i run a meetup group where most of our interactions and socializing are done through there or with the "core" people and those that have been removed from the meetup group are usually no longer invited to things that are off meetup. i then had a discussion with george about how i hope he trusts the strength of our friendship enough that he can talk to me about things that bother him, concern him, or he is wary about and he, by the end of it, agreed that he felt he could. ​ last night we were playing a game and as i was setting up the arena he kept running over the traps i placed consuming them before their intended purpose. this in itself is not a problem or even a deal let alone big deal or small deal. but it is a habit of his. when diablo 2 was a thing, one of his self proclaimed favorite things was to min/max a character, join a group of hardcore characters (when you die you lose everything, even the character) and help them quest and such and then drop a bunch hydras (stationary "pets" that do damage for you), port back to town, and then enable pvp having the hydras kill the whole party and everyone loses all their things and their characters become unplayable. again, it's a game so it's not like people's lives were ruined or anything but people still put considerable amount of time and effort into leveling these characters. he did it just to have them lose everything, he did not gain experience, loot, or anything else from them dying. a second example is how a friend just discovered an elephant sanctuary that was taking volunteers. let's call this friend jane. jane was never going to go to this sanctuary as she could not afford to stop work to volunteer all her time. this was very clear, even to george. regardless, he spent about 10 minutes going back and forth with jane about how "you'll just be shoveling poop. it's not like they're just going to let you play with the elephants" to which jane would tell george "i know that, but like, why do you have to ruin my nice fantasy?". ​ so last night when he did the very very minor running over my traps just to waste them because he knew that i only had a limited amount of them i made a comment/question of "why do you do that? does it make you feel nice to ruin things for people or do you get some sort of something else out of it?" to which re flippantly replied "yes, clearly i just like to ruin peoples lives because i'm just evil". so, a non-answer. my question is this: would i be the asshole to press him again today about it? i don't really think this behavior is so bad that it would really interfere with our friendship (or if it did, would be very minimal) but i also want to address a thing that i see as unhelpful in his learning to better interact with friends and strangers. also, it irritates me a little bit. but the big ass caveat is, that is not my place to make him address a thing that he does not want to address himself. he did not come to me asking me for help, so wibta for offering this advice anyway? | nta | nta as long as you talk to him in a calm manor. | nta. people who fuck things up for others, just for fun, are total cunts. i would have immediately confronted a friend over that type of behavior. | 27 |
9v1rlz | aita for finding another so a month out of a long term relationship | i was in a long term highschool relationship which transfered to long distance college. the first year was very hard and it became toxic to the point where i felt like my success rendered our relationship (i think she hoped i would do bad and move back for community college) but i had pretty heavy blinders on at this point and eventually this was worked out. over the summer i started to notice small tendencies like blaming everything on others and decided i couldn't have that in my life. (she had stopped pursuing nearly any goal she's had with a mild inconvenience) but i still loved my so, but it felt like i had to push her to do the slightest things. we broke up this semester and i started going on dates just to get myself to have fun, and i met a girl who just clicked with me like i've never had. i'm trying to be friends with my ex, but i feel like i did something wrong finding someone so quickly (i am super into her(new girl) and nothing is wrong between us). it was between 4 and 5 years together and i don't think i should leave my life on hold, but i also don't want to make her feel like had this all planned or anything. amta for doing this? it won't stop my current relationship i just want to know where i stand. | nta | nta. if the new girl makes you happy, then date her. your ex is your ex for a reason. | nta. this is a "do you" situation. | 3 |
9v1y6s | aita for possibly leaving my ex with not much in the apartment? | as all couples do, my girlfriend and i broke up semi-recently. we live together and now need to decide how things are separated, but the problem is she did not come with much whereas my parents helped us furnish our place and i brought some of my items. we already had an agreement on how the items were going to be separated but that was with the thinking we were going to still date and try to work things out, which we no longer are (her decision). we are separating on decent terms and i honestly don't want to leave her with nothing. on the other hand, she owes my parents hundreds in bills since \~may and it really doesn't seem like she will pay so i don't think she should get anything. i have spoken with my parents and they pretty much left it to me, i just don't want to be a complete asshole when it isn't warranted but i also don't want someone to screw my family over more. in case it matters or anyone cares, here are the items: \- 2 flat screens, 1 was mine the other from my parents. she rarely watches tv and is more on her phone using yt or something so i am planning on taking both. i have multiple gaming consoles and also watch tv/sports more, i will get more use. \- bedroom set. the mattress/boxspring is hers but my parents bought everything else, i am letting her keep this. \- living room furniture, this is the big one. there is a couch and a chair set my parents bought us specifically for the apartment. i would really feel like an asshole taking this, but i would feel like we got screwed if she keeps this nice furniture and i now have to get second hand/cheap stuff. \- misc. like microwave, coffee pot, pots/pans, dishes, etc. this was a mix of my parents buying and us buying so i think she should keep it. ​ aita for wanting to take these items back? in my eyes my family is getting screwed while she is making off with hundreds in paid bills and will keep hundreds in material possessions as well. | nta | nta - she ended things with you and should be prepared to live without you our your support | nta. if your parents bought it, they really bought it for you. unless you’re taking her stuff that she bought with her money or her parents bought for her, then it’s not hers. | 6 |
9v20f5 | aita for being a selfish person? | i was talking to a friend about future goals. all of mine are selfish and i don’t think about all the wrong in the world. she just made me feel so bad about because i don’t vote, due to a lack of knowledge, and i’m not savvy on anything political. i don’t think about how lucky i am to have food on the table and clean clothes, and i only really care about my immediate surroundings. i’m very pragmatic and i care about helping people that will be mutually beneficial. people that are in my family, i care about, and things i do pertain to their well being, as well as my own. tl:dr am i an asshole for not being motivated to solve world hunger and giving to people with less? i am selfishly motivated | nta | nta. you are privilege in a cup. | based on what you’ve said, i’d say nta. what are your goals? most people aren’t able to better the world. it’s good to try to help, but there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself first | 4 |
9v2c9e | aita for not wanting to photograph my friend and his friends (who are not my friends) for free? | i’ve been a semi professional photographer for about a decade now (it’s not my main job but i do commercial work here and there). my friend wanted me to do a photoshoot of him and two of his friends. they asked me if i wanted to and i said yes. then i asked my friend whether they talked about the price or not. he looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. he most probably didn’t even think about the possibility that i would ask for money. now, if it was only him, i would do it for free, but now that there’s three of them (two of which i don’t really know closely), i definitely want to be paid for that as it’s a lot of work for me to shoot them and then to spend countless hours in post prod. the thing is that most people don’t really know what it means to photograph people. they usually say things like “you don’t even need to edit the photos, just send me everything and you’ll have less work”. can’t do. my photos are what potentially attracts future customers and i can’t release half-assed work. therefore, there’s now frustration on both sides of this as my friend thinks i am greedy. am i the asshole? | nta | you are a professional and that requires hours as you said and those hours should be paid. nta | nta. i literally just mentioned this in another post, by two of my dear friends are a massage therapist and a yoga instructor. i - gladly - pay them for their services, and your friends should support you similarly. | 29 |
9v2gnu | aita if i buy myself an xbox even though my girlfriend hates video games and doesn't want me buying one? | title says it all. my girlfriend hates all video games and thinks they're stupid and a waste of time. i've wanted an xbox for a while; aita if i buy one and go against her wishes? | nta | nta if it's your money / you don't share funds. shes being controlling. just don't prioritize the games over her. | nta she should understand that she doesn't control your decisions in this manner. this sub has control issue posts a lot. | 2 |
9v2hjj | aita for being open about how i feel in our friendship? | i(17m) am in study hall with my best friend(16f) and we start talking about her story she is writing). she started the conversation, and it goes on for 30 mins. i try having a different conversation with her and she either says shut up or i dont care(this has happened on different occasions, but its somewhat apart of our friendship where a little mean to each other, like she calls me bitch and i call her a dick) then ten mins pass and she says i have to listen to this playlist and i do. after the song is over i tell her she should listen to this. she tells me no and when i said i listened to her songs she said it was my fault for listening. ten mins pass and i try showing her this gif on reddit, and she says she doesn’t want to watch. i look upset and she asks if im mad now. i was mad but tell her no because she had a really bad week last week, and i didn’t want to say anything i regret and i said no. the class period ends, and we both go to different classes. i spend the whole period thinking out what i was going to say and how i felt because the last month i felt she wasnt treating nice at all. she ignored me last week, but talked to all the friends in our friend group and ignored all the texts i sent. i sent 4 texts in total and gave up when she didnt reply. theres alot more stuff that she does but im trying to keep it short. i send a message saying how i felt and why i didnt say it in person. she tells me that i should’ve said it in person and not hide behind a screen. when ever she critizes me, she does it through text. i replied do you to talk about it in person and says no, and that if shes such a problem i should leave her. i tell her she is acting childish and the only said this so we could make our friendship stronger. she gets upset and tells me to leave her alone. she tells me if i ever make her uncomfortable or if i do something that angers her and i thought i was just doing the same thing. am i the asshole | nta | nta. given the age i'd say this behavior is normal lol. | nta. it sounds like she is a really bad friend, you shouldn't feel bad for having feelings or even trying to tell her how she makes you feel. as it appears she's very self centered | 4 |
9v2m4t | aita for causing a sickly girl to drop out of college? | i know the title makes it sound bad, but hopefully my side of the story will make sense once i explain it further. i am a student majoring in video game production at a fancy tech college. this happened at the beginning of my junior semester there. i'm going to abbreviate her name to a for the sake of the story. the class i was in required a group of 4 to make a game prototype with 2 working levels in 12 weeks. this isn't an easy thing thing to do, especially when you're balancing 3 other classes. we had to make all of our assets and code, and are not allowed to outsource. i am most comfortable in a leadership position, one where i can facilitate tasks and manage time, so i can help pick up slack wherever needed. i organized my group of 4 before the class started, and was very happy with my partners. all were very hard working and talented, and trusted me as a leader. our second class comes around, and a walks in. she missed the first class, and our teacher defaulted her to our group. after talking with her, we were happy with it. she said she was an artist, and you can never have too many of those. better yet, she can make and rig characters! so, we asked that she create a very simple character ready for week 3. week 3 rolls around, and she is a bit behind. she promises to have them next class, after the weekend is finished. we say that's fine. every 4 weeks we have to give a presentation and update the class on our game's progress. our teacher didn't love our idea, so a started making weird promises that were never discussed. 'we are going to have platforms the player can spawn while the player is in the air', 'we are going to have some great voice actress do our narrative work.' the rest of our group was just kind of dumbfounded. we had a clear vision for the game we discussed in a group meeting prior that she missed, and none of her promises were included in our ideation nor fit our theme. anyways, she missed week 4-6. when she showed up, the teacher asked what was wrong and apparently she was seeing a specialist about health issues a few states away. a promised our teacher that she was in touch with us, and sending us assets. she wasn't. i sat her down and talked to her, she broke down crying and saying she was sorry and going to start helping more. finally, week 8 rolled around, and she wasn't there. i went up and informed the teacher of the situation, and said the rest of us were working way too hard to put someone's name on the project who wasn't helping in the slightest. a showed up week 9 and had a talk with the teacher. after class she sent me a few messages describing what she was going through. it sounded tough, she couldn't breath correctly, and asked me to please vouch for her to the teacher. i didn't. i told the teacher she hasn't given us anything useable in 10 weeks. he was aware of her health issues. after that, a didn't show up week 11, 12, or to school ever again. i felt bad about this, but honestly, if she isn't healthy enough to work then she won't survive our cutthroat industry. and it took us a lot of sleepless nights to make up for the work she never did. tldr: sick girl was too sick to work on our group project, so i tattled to the teacher like a snitch full of stitches. she never showed up to school again. | nta | nta. it'd be one thing if her medical issues were just causing her to be slow about doing work - maybe that's something you could work around. but once she starts lying and asking you to lie in order to get credit that she hasn't earned, she's definitely crossed the line. | i’d say nta. if she was having these issues it would just keep coming up. no need for you to suffer for her sake when it isn’t even gonna really do her any good either | 8 |
9v2shd | aita for not allowing my mother to post pictures of our ultrasound on facebook (and limit posts)? | my wife and i are expecting, and my mother has been the happiest i have ever seen her, and she has been quite depressed for a while. for my whole adult life she has been looking forward to being a grandmother the most. my wife and i told her several weeks ago that we were expecting, and i have never seen her so excited. honestly, i am happy that she's happy. we recently announced it to the world, and my mother asked if she could share on her facebook wall and i said yes. she goes fucking nuts and posts dozens of status updates while responding to my family publicly and tagging me and my wife with messages like "omg are you excited you are going to be an uncle/new cousin/aunt/great aunt/etc", or "omg can you believe i am going to be a nana!?" while i find this more than a little excessive, it makes her happy so i've stayed out of it. yesterday she asks if she can post our ultrasound pictures, but we haven't made them public yet and i don't think we plan to. i told her politely, "i would rather you didn't, we haven't shared them yet and it's a little creepy. also, i understand you are super excited about this, but please temper your posts on facebook." initially i thought she took it well, but i get a frantic call from my brother that our mother is crying and that i should let her do what she wants because she has never been this happy. i honestly don't think i am being unreasonable here. maybe you guys can play devils advocate. | nta | nta. this is *your* child. if you haven't posted certain photos/information about your child, what makes your mother think that she has the right to? | nta. it's great that she's excited but it's not her shit to share. if she can't be trusted with pics/info, then don't give them to her. also you saying that she's been depressed for awhile and this has made her really happy is a giant red flag to me that she'll say things like she *needs* the baby because the baby will make her happy/cure her depression. | 5 |
9v36ht | wibta if i asked my kids which parent they loved more? | this is more hypothetical than anything because i’m curious about what y’all think about this. i know a lot of parents that do this and i can’t help but feel it’s potentially developmentally or emotionally damaging to children when they’re asked “do you love mommy more or daddy more?” or even worse “if we were to separate, who would you wanna stay with?” or even worse (and yes, i have heard this) “if one of us were drowning, who would you save first?” but wibta if i asked my kids if they loved mommy or daddy more? **don’t** do this to your kids and for those who were raised with this sort of toxic questioning, i’m deeply sorry you had to face a really mind-bending question at such a young age. really there’s no age that makes questions like these okay, but it’s particularly harmful to introduce such an abhorrent topic to someone in their developmental years. no one should think that sort of behavior is acceptable, normal, or justified. | yta | yta , at best you're putting your kid a potentially developmentally or emotionally damaging situation. at worst that plus you are narcissistic, and or might get a complex if your kids answer the other parent. ​ would be pretty funny if you asked that and the answer was "the other parent cause they don't put me on the spot about who i love more" :) | yta come on, man... i mean i know this sub needs more assholes but jesus christ | 94 |
9v3drw | aita for not being at the hospital for my dad the moment of heart surgery? | i don't really have a great relationship with my dad. never had, and never will have. ​ a year back my father got a flesh eating bacteria (bacterial endocarditis), eating his aorta. he had to spend a long time in the hospital and had two open heart surgeries, and now has a mechanical aorta. i was there when the surgery was over. but my father is quite angry that me and my sister weren't there 'while' he was having surgery. he was pretty close to dying, though it left a much bigger scar on him psychologically than physically. his wife only seems to feed this feeling. ​ i guess i do feel a bit guilty i wasn't there. though, if he's having surgery again. i probably won't be doing it any different. ​ am i the asshole here? | nta | nta, how would he even know if you were or weren't there (at the time i mean)? he's under anesthesia the whole time. you being there wouldn't have made any practical difference. he can be angry all he wants, that's his prerogative, but it's your choice whether you want to be there or not. | nta. you’re an adult, you can do what you want, when you want, and if you haven’t been close then you shouldn’t have had to be there with him during the surgery. are there reasons you’ve never been close? maybe try rekindling it when he’s better? | 4 |
9v3du4 | wibta if i canceled my children's role in a wedding at the last minute? | my daughters are in a wedding of people they don't know as flower girls, even though both my wife and i don't want them to be. the reason for this is poor communication between my wife and her mother. the bride is the daughter of my mil's friend and coworker, and the two of them came up with this idea and think it's a great idea. when given the chance to say no, my wife did this thing where all she does is express her reservations without actually saying no. therefore, my mil ran with the idea. so by the time i found out about it, it was a done deal as far as the people in the wedding were concerned. this was months ago. obviously, i could have said no, but it would have required a direct confrontation and cause tension between my wife and her mother. part of me wanted to say no anyway. the whole situation makes me uncomfortable. i don't know anyone that would want strangers in their wedding, so i'm leery of these people that apparently do. i also feel like we're being taken advantage of. my daughters are essentially performing a modeling gig but receiving no compensation. in fact, we were expected to pay for their dresses (mil took care of it). lastly, and most or least importantly depending on whether you ask me or my wife, our alma mater is playing in a football game this weekend that i would only gladly miss for close friends and family. so, while i had plenty of reason to say no and would have been within my rights to do so when i first heard about all of this, i decided on balance, the best thing to do was to keep the peace. after all, it's only an hour on friday night for the rehearsal and another couple of hours on a saturday. not that big of a deal. cut to this monday, with the wedding a mere 5 days away, we get an invitation in the mail. come to find out, the wedding is an hour and a half away. this is going to take away our entire friday night and all of saturday afternoon. had i known this in the first place, i would have shut this whole thing down months ago. so, wibta if, upon learning this new information, i cancelled the week of the wedding? on one hand, it's obviously wrong that we're just finding out about this. on the other, the poor communication is almost certainly not the bride's fault, and i feel like cancelling would cause her more stress than anyone. | nta | nta. your wife would be the asshole if she knew the distance and didn't tell you. honestly this whole thing seem's like its your wife's fault for not saying no. you should probably clear that up with her. maybe see if your wife can go without you? | nta mainly because you didn't get an invite until 5 days before. that is *way* too late for invites to be sent out. but this is one of those situations where you might not be an asshole for backing out, but it might be less trouble in the long run to just go through with it. backing out now is going to create a lot of ill will with the people involved. | 9 |
9v3flk | aita for considering ending a 7 year relationship because he doesn't have his drivers license or a car and works in fast food | it feels like we argue over this situation every other month. i'm 23 and he's 28, i've had a lot of financial support from my father to achieve the things i have (paid for my training, drivers licence, and car) whereas he's never had any support from his family. i've been bugging him almost our entire relationship to get his shit together. he says he can't afford it which is fair enough but i'm tired of waiting and it feels like an excuse. he has a plan but he says he needs a car to get his license and once he has his license he'll get a real job. i've just finished my degree and am ready to get out into the field and earn money and move out but i'm not sure i want him with me when he hasn't achieved any of these things... whereas he thinks me thinking this way means i'm not serious about the relationship and i'm not willing to work on our problems. am i being impatient? am i the asshole? | nta | nta. honestly though your first red flag should have been the 21 year old hitting on a 16 year old. | he has been old enough to drink since you guys got together. he has had a full decade to get his shit together. nta | 2 |
9v3niu | aita for destroying a girl in a game of rugby? | a few years ago, i was playing rugby in a physical education lesson, and the teams were mixed, because the girls wanted to play with us a small (5’3 ish) girl ran at me, and i spear tackled her just as she caught the ball. i winded her quite badly and she sat out for the rest of the lesson. all of her friends had a massive go at me, but she chose to play rugby with guys and therefore should know that she would get tackled like that. aita? | nta | nta, swim with sharks you may get bit. | i don't really know rugby, but assuming that "spear tackling" is a standard part of rugby, then nta. unless it's just a friendly match where people have agreed to go easy, there's nothing wrong with playing to win. if she agreed to join the game, then she needs to accept the rules of the game, among which is the chance she'll get spear tackled. | 0 |
9v3nkc | aita for asking my friends to side with me when another friend blocked me because i didn't approve her drug usage? | tldr at the bottom but i had this friend for a little over a year. we always hung out and did a bunch of after school programs and shit together. we both smoked weed every once in a while but at least on my end it was maybe once every couple months anyways flash forward to about a year ago. we're both set to help at some after school thing. i get there and try to message her and find out like two hours after that she didn't come in because she took a shitload of acid and was tripping hardcore. this caused a lot of discourse but eventually i just kind of tried to not let it bother me fast forward a week later and she comes to practice high too and gets mad at me for telling her that she's a fucking idiot, giving me responses like "i know how to handle myself" and "it doesn't affect me that much chill" let that one slide too because i was head over heels for her at the time but here's the kicker. she comes over and we chill for a bit and the conversation goes something like this. it's been a while so it may sound like parts were missing. me: hey, i think we should get some weed. it's been a while her: yeah dude sounds good. if you want we could try something harder? me: nah that's okay i really dont want to do much more than that it's kind of scary shit. i really don't think you should be doing it either it really worries me. this was followed by her blowing up on me, saying how i was a hypocrite because i was interested in shrooms a couple months ago. her only real defense was when i mentioned how drugs ruined my relationship with my dad and a close friend she said she knows what she's doing and she's not like them (she didn't and she was). this all pissed her off so she tried to walk five miles home with a leg injury she sustained from idfk. ended up picking her up down the road and dropping her off. tried talking to her for days but she wouldn't open or respond to anything. flash forward a week or two and she tells not only me, but all of my friends that she's blocking us all, and doesn't wish to be friends with people who aren't going to side with her choices no matter what, referring to us all as "acquaintances". this was a big issue in our circle and i was pretty damn pissed, so whenever anyone asked about it and noticed how upset about the situation i was, i would proceed to tell them the whole story and throw in some extra shit about her because i was angry and upset. i didn't have the right to say those things because they were super private (pregnancy scares, her trying to exchange sex for money with people, her unpositive opinions on people in our friend group). i really made it obvious that i hated her with every fiber in my body and wanted everyone else to hate her just as much. she ends up dropping out of some of her classes that she had with me in it and as far as i know has had it off extremely poorly since the incident. aita for what i did and my reactions? tldr; wasn't okay with my friend's drug use, talked bad about her to all of our friends to try and get them to push her away | yta | yta. that's super fucked up. you went around spreading personal information about her that she told you in confidence because she didn't want to be your friend anymore. sounds like she felt you were juding her and from the tone of this post, i bet she was right. if she was such a train wreck you didn't need to drag her through the mud. if your friends have two eyes they'll see the situation for what it is, didn't need you bad mouthing her as well. | nta for caring about her well being. yta for the way you acted. | 4 |
9v40y3 | aita for being excited to study abroad next year while in a relationship? | my (18m) girlfriend (18f) of almost three years, and i got into a heated argument today. i’ve been planning on studying abroad for a semester next year for some time. today when i brought it up, she got upset with me. she said i’m insensitive for wanting to leave her for approximately 5 months. she said that if i valued our relationship i’d be debating this decision more than i am. i feel like studying abroad is an important opportunity to take advantage of in my current circumstances and was surprised she was against it. am i the asshole for being excited for and wanting to studying abroad even though i’m in fairly long term relationship? | nta | nta. my study abroad was the best time in my college years. if she cannot have a 5 month long distance relationship then she is not a keeper. | nta. i agree with most of the responses you’ve gotten - 18 is way too young to be turning down opportunities like this and you’ll regret it if you do. just be mindful that while you’re away she may have the tendency to make you feel guilty for taking the trip (whether she realizes it or not). make sure you hold her accountable to that and tell her when/if she does. don’t let her ruin your good time by making you feel guilty about your decision!! communication is key with any long distance relationship and it’ll be important while you’re gone. you’ll probably learn a lot about each other thru this experience. | 8 |
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