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9t053m | aita for declining a date with someone that didn't look like their tinder profile after meeting? | i (m29) matched a girl (25) on tinder, we chatted and hit it off pretty well. we agreed to meet the same evening for a meal in town. she was vegetarian so i checked out some of the nicer restaurants and found one with a good number of vegetarian dishes. we met at 9 and she said she was standing outside at an address a few numbers down the street (as the numbering was quite confusing) so i walked down the street to pick her up. i saw her and my heart sank. i don't know if it was technically catfishing, as they likely were pictures of her, but it was at best extremely misleading. i could tell straight away that every picture had been taken at least a few years previous. the main difference was weight, but it wasn't just a body issue, her face had also changed as lot as a result. i was very and clearly not attracted to her, and the difference was enough that i was very attracted to her pictures and very unattracted in person. that bit definitely doesn't make me an asshole, as i couldn't prevent it. i also knew this date would change that because while looks aren't everything, you just know when you find someone not sexually attractive. here's where i think i'm maybe the asshole. we walked a block and i was just pondering in my head how much i didn't want to go on this date. nothing about it now felt good to me, and even the fact i felt she'd knowingly misled me made me not want to even go as potential friends. so i did something really out of character that i still can't believe i did. i said "listen i'm really sorry, but i have to be honest that i'm just not feeling this". i offered to pay for her taxis in and out, but she just said it was okay and we parted ways. now i know it might have been the right thing to do to just accept this is part of the risk of dating and to suck it up and be pleasant and have a meal. and if we had planned to just meet for a drink i surely would have. but this was a fancy restaurant that would have taken a couple of hours, and i felt i was walking into a situation i'd have hated. i feel awful for her, as i accept it must have been embarrassing and very bad for her self confidence. yet at the same time, it was misleading enough that she didn't just take slightly flattering pictures (as everyone does), but must have known she was quite actively misleading me. | nta | nta in my opinion. you didn’t lead her on and cut it at the earliest opportunity in a seemingly polite manner. she should know that her pictures are misleading, but maybe it’s harder for a person to tell how different they look when it’s themselves. i’d say neither of you are in the wrong. | you handled it very well - nta at all. | 63 |
9t05c3 | aita for not wanting to see my girlfriend’s friend succeed | i’ll try to keep this story short but when i was in high school i was diagnosed with a brain tumor and bullied for it. a lot of the people bullying me would say things like “i will never come close to being as good as anyone else because of the tumor” cause of some lingering symptoms. they would also say “you have cancer” every time i saw them in the halls. i didn’t like this and was somewhat vocal about it. at the end of the year when we were all signing each other’s year books (i went to a smallish school so everyone signed everyone’s pretty much) and one of the people who signed mine wrote a joke about the cancer in mine. the person who wrote it was also friends with my girlfriend and whenever i hangout with her friends she is there. my girlfriend once asked her about what she wrote and she said she “didn’t know it was offensive”. now i am wondering if i’m an asshole for wanting to go home when every she shows up whenever i’m hanging with my girlfriend and her friends and not wanting her acting career to take off cause she was mean to me in high school (two years ago). | nta | nta, but you need to let it go dude. you’re not an asshole because you haven’t acted on your resentment, but you need to just forgive and forget. people are dumbasses in high school. | nta. i hope she doesn’t succeed too! | 2 |
9t0p5r | aita for tipping $1 at a fancy restaurant? | sorry for poor formatting, typing this on mobile. yesterday was date night. i took my girlfriend to a hibachi restaurant because those are her favorite type of places to go. we both order the filet mignon and shrimp. she wants hers cooked mid-rare i prefer medium. when the chef comes to the table he double checks everyone’s order and begins to cook. everything is going well and everything tastes great until he begins passing out the steaks and i notice he gives my medium filet to the guy a couple of seats down and gives me his medium “steak.” they only had two options at this place a filet and a steak. they didn’t specify what cut the non filet was. anyway i didn’t think it was going to be a big deal until i began to eat it and it was not a good cut of steak. it was very tough and had strips of gristle all throughout it. i asked the guy if he got my filet and he said he didn’t know the difference. i then asked the chef if he gave me the wrong cut of steak to which he said “if you wanted it to be tender you should’ve gotten medium rare.” which in my experience is just not true, i’ve had plenty of delicious and tender medium filets which is why i wanted one last night. after the cook left the other patron looked at me and said “i definitely got the filet i just didn’t want him to know so he didn’t charge me more.” thanks for speaking up now man... he said he would back up my story to the waitress when i brought it up to her. when the waitress comes i tell her what i believe has happened and she refuses to believe me until the other guy said he got the filet instead. she then says if i want a filet they can cook one for me and i can pay extra for the new filet. i told her no, because one i have filled up on shrimp and rice and two because i’m not going to pay even more to have to heat up a steak later. she says ok and that she won’t charge me for the filet i never got. fine, works for me. i get the check back and they deducted 3 dollars. instead of being $67 they charged me $64. i’m fairly non confrontational and have never asked to see a manager before at any store or restaurant but i felt the need to do so after what had occurred. when i brought it up to the manager she said the 3 dollars they removed was the surcharge for the filet and only charged me for the regular steak. i said that’s fine i get that but that’s not what i ordered. to which she said ok but we have to charge you for what you got. i asked if i could have a deduction for having my order wrong or some type of gift card to use next time i come. to which she said i could have some extra fortune cookies if i wanted. gee thanks... i pay the $64 and tip $1 for the poor service and rudeness of the staff and cook. i have never stiffed a tip before, and i’ve never asked for a reduction to the check. but i’ve also never had an establishment care so little about my satisfaction. tl:dr expensive restaurant did not serve me what i ordered and didn’t care when i brought it up. so i only tipped a dollar. | nta | situations in where you stiff the waitstaff can be tough to call. it's very subjective where that line is. ultimately, i think you were in the right here, so i'm gonna say: **nta** if i'm reading this right: - you order filet - you get regular steak, *and eat it* (this was a bad move, i would have spoken up immediately to the chef) - they deduct the surcharge from your bill for the filet (correct move), but do not remove charge for steak (well, you *did* eat it) - they offer no further fixes, so you stiff on tip honestly, the restaurant did do a bad job here. they put very little effort into rectifying their error. i also would have requested money off the meal, or something to compensate for the error. usually, you'd get it. i probably would have done the same thing. *also fuck that guy who didn't speak up about getting the wrong food earlier* | definitely nta. you got poor service from both the chef and the waiter, and should be under no obligation to even leave a tip when a restaurant a showing such a low level of respect for its customers. | 9 |
9t1jwa | aita for talking to my sister/willing to talk to my sister anymore? | for this scenario i will refer to my sister as s, my ex girlfriend will be x, and my old friend as l. to start off me the story i was seeing a wonderful woman x, we dated for a few years long distance. we saw each other a few times a year. s the whole time we dated called x a bitch and was straight up disrespectful to me about x, it really agitated me as i really loved x and genuinely still do even though we are no longer together. a few months ago s started talking to l who i used to be friends with, until he totally dropped off the face of the earth and wouldn't even acknowledge his old hometown friends. i told s i wouldn't be happy/it would weird if she dated l and asked she not do so. fast forward a few weeks ago, s is now dating l and it is very weird to me and i don't like it one bit. s made a comment that l is coming back to the town i live in to visit s, which irks me and then s makes yet another comment about x and it pushes me over my tolerance. i tell s i am not speaking to s anymore and give her back a copy of the key to her house as i no longer want to see/speak with s right now. my mother the other day said this whole thing is childish and i need to apologize to s, frankly i feel betrayed by s why should i apologize. so here i am seeking advice from fellow redditors, aita in this situation and should i apologize, or should i continue with my forgetting s exists and go on with my not so cheerful existence. tl;dr - sister starts dating someone ex friend and talks disrespectfully about my ex girlfriend so i no longer wish to speak with her, aita here? | yta | yes. yta. dude, your sister isn't happy with your girlfriend, and you don't want her to date someone you don't like? talk about double standards! you don't get to have it both ways. you need to apologise, and agree that neither of you talks about your sos with each other. | yta, your mother is right, this whole thing is childish. maybe your sister is an asshole too, depends on why she didn't like x. she is in no way an asshole for dating l though, and you don't get to veto every guy you used to know from your sister's potential dating pool. throwing a baby tantrum about it does indeed make you the asshole. | 7 |
9t2l1d | aita for telling a friend i would sell her my bedroom suit and then give it to someone else? | in conversation i mentioned to a friend (call her sarah) that i was buying a new bedroom suit when i moved in october. she was very interested in buying the old one off me and i said sure i would sell it to her. why not. my husband expressed he didn't want to sell or buy a new one so i let her know we couldn't sell. then i later convinced him to let me buy a new one and then let sarah know i could sell after all! the main problem being that we were using all of the furniture until the day of the move. i had trouble finding people to help me move but my husband's brother who lives an hour away was willing to help if he could have the bedroom suit. i really needed the help so i said yes. i sent sarah a text saying "hey sarah! i know you were wanting to buy the bedroom suit off me but i needed help moving and my brother in law offered in exchange for the bedroom suit so i accepted. sorry!" her response took me off guard "well that's just great. that's the second time you fucked me over with that bedroom suit. next time we are together remind me to explain seller etiquette." i don't even know what she means by "second time". perhaps when i said i would sell and my husband said no. if i imagine the roles being reversed it wouldn't bother me if someone didnt sell to me. its not like she gave me money and i kept it. we didn't even negotiate a sale price! am the asshole? | yta | i mean, i feel like yta a bit here yeah. you said you'd do something, you took it back, you said you'd do something again, you took it back again (at the last possible moment). the actual thing itself is not a big deal. buy some furniture, don't buy it, it's not exactly life altering. but i would be annoyed at you if you were my friend. it wouldn't be a massive issue, just irritating. | yta - man asks woman on a date but then cancels because of a friend. man asks woman on a date for a second time but tells her on the last minute that he can't go on a date because he just promised to go on another date with another woman. the woman is angry. man then wonders: "why do you have to be mad when i didn't even buy you a dinner?" this is how it could also have happened | 6 |
9t2mhm | wibta if i filed a complaint against a mentally disabled person? | firstly, i don’t like my wording in the title. i don’t know what to call this guy. he seems to have a learning disability, but i don’t know for sure. secondly, full context. i work in a small room of cubicles in a hospital. at least once a day this guy who i’ll call “rodney” comes by to deliver inter-office mail. when he comes in he yells really loudly, “good morning everyone!” and says, “have a good day” on the way out.” he’s a very friendly guy, but the problem is that the way the office is set up, i can’t see him when he comes in, yet i am the closest to him, and he always seems to do it the second he comes around the corner, and to be honest, it scares the shit out of me every time. it is an otherwise very quiet office. i mentioned this to some co-workers and they seemed less bothered by it, but i think i get a fuller brunt of the welcome. | yta | yta for jumping to reporting someone instead of talking to them first. be an adult and talk to him tomorrow and say his yelling scares you and you’d appreciate if he knocked first so you knew he was coming or said it quieter. | i wouldn't file a complaint. i'd make it clear that he scares you. just gasp and say something like "jesus rodney, you trying to kill me?!" it's jokey and lighthearted but maybe he'll think to not yell/give you some warning beforehand. if a few days of the lighthearted approach doesn't make a difference perhaps just say something like "please can you not scare the shit out of me every day?!" i totally get where you're coming from as i'm the jumpiest person ever. if i don't see/hear someone before they speak no doubt i'll jump out of my skin, but most of the people i live with have learned to just approach a bit louder/slower to avoid having the shit scared out of me. maybe yta if you file a report before telling him the issue, but if it persists i wouldn't say you are necessarily the asshole, but maybe make it a quiet word with a manager rather than a formal complaint. | 5 |
9t2mj7 | aita for being disrespectful towards my (new) teacher? | ok, a little backstory first. my algebra iii (iv?) teacher kinda disappeared two days into the school year, saying she's on sick leave. apparently it's because of an "ankle injury", but you can never really be sure, i guess, as she still hasn't returned. *it's a little over a quarter of the way into the school year* since she went on leave, we've had five different teachers over the span of around 4-5 months. we just got the fifth one today. needless to say, i'm extremely annoyed. not only has every teacher come in teaching us something different, but they also all teach in a completely different way. it's goddamn anger-inducing because you can never truly have a stable teacher, and for people who suck at math, it sucks. this problem even further aggravated as the administration doesn't seem to give a shit! they just keep giving us sub after sub. while i am (usually) rather quiet, most of my class isn't. because we've *essentially* got a substitute every day, people talk and do dumb shit constantly, and as a result, we get nothing done. the new teacher has been rather good on this front, as she actually knows how to control a class. so today, she mentioned something about our teacher, and i responded with an admittedly sarcastic remark. she said something about liking our teachers or something along those lines and i responded with: "what if we *don't* like our teacher?" this was met by laughter from the class, and she told me to "see her after class". "fine by me." while i realize that she isn't to blame for our situation, am i the asshole for getting pissed off about it? | yta | yta. i've done exactly what you've done to a teacher and that led to an avalanche of my classmates not giving a damn about him. she's competent at her job and you didn't need to speak up. a lot of the substitute teachers had a hard time getting any control of your class and she seems to have done so (to what extent, i'm not sure but the fact that you gave her credit on controlling the class means she's doing a decent job). granted this argument is a slippery slope, you speaking sarcastically will give the sign to the other students that it's okay to backtalk and disrespect her. | yta - also what was the sarcastic remark you used? also what if your original teacher is actually really sick or hurt? if she’s been out since the beginning of the year she’s probably using all of her sick leave and fmla leave so she is probably not getting paid a full paycheck either. my wife broke her ankle very badly a few years ago and wasn’t able to even go into the office for like two months, and even then she was still in either a wheelchair, crutches, or a walking boot. injuries can fuck a person up, and a teacher would have a really hard time doing their job effectively with a severe injury. | 57 |
9t2sie | aita for refusing to change how i dress | i’ve always dressed just the same since i was a little girl. i like leggings and dresses and tend to just wear dark colors. i like dark floral. i also wear a pair of chucks or slip on shoes depending. i have to wear a cardigan most the time because i am really skinny and get cold. i’m 17 right now and my mom doesn’t care how address. but my older sister is saying she doesn’t want to be seen with me because she thinks i look like an old woman. and i told her i didn’t plan to change my outfit for her graduation party in december. i have a lot of friends to get really defensive of me because people sometimescomment that i dressed like i’m going to an office job. i just have always liked this way of dressing and it makes me feel comfortable. the problem is my boyfriend has told me he wants me to start wearing jeans sometimes. if i have to go to work are usually wear a khaki or jean skirt because that’s the dress code. i don’t like short skirts and i always wear leggings under them. i’m skinny, so it’s not in me being self-conscious about my weight or anything it’s just how comfortable i am. even when i go to the gym i am always in longer leggings. i’m just wondering if i’m an asshole because i told my boyfriend that if he made a comment about how i dress again i was going to break up with him. it’s not his business how i dress and i don’t think that he has a right to tell me how to dress. i don’t tell him not to wear gym shorts everywhere. i don’t tell him that i’d like him to wear a nice button up or a tux everywhere. i don’t feel that i have to wear short dresses for someone to want to date me. he just says he doesn’t think my clothing as very sexy and i’m not trying to be sexy. i don’t think that you need to be sexy for someone to be with you. i guess i’m just wondering if it’s an asshole thing to tell someone to fuck off because you don’t give a shit about the way they think your clothes are. i really don’t care if you likes my clothes, i’ve been dressing this way since i was eight years old. | nta | nta obviously, i'm 19 and my dad is always trying to tell me how to cut my hair, it's annoying as fuck. it's completely up to you what you wear, wear what you like and don't worry about what people think. | nta. you’re absolutely right that it’s your right to dress how you want, and you owe no one any obligation to be “sexy” in their estimation. it sounds like you dress nicely/normally, so there’s really no reason for anyone to be policing your clothes. while i do think it can be nice to accommodate some requests from sos, i think the way your bf went about addressing this wasn’t great, and if he started dating you while you dress like you do, then he can’t say he didn’t know that this is how you prefer to dress. | 2 |
9t2tan | aita for dressing up as “the great depression” at a 1930’s themed halloween party by wearing my pajamas, a blanket around my shoulders, and a necklace made out of 50 orange prescription bottles? | i went to a 1930’s themed party with my fiancé. her costume was “the great dust bowl” - she wore a tattered dress and covered herself in dirt and carried around a bowl filled with dust. i was “the great depression” and wore my old pill bottles around my neck with my pajamas on and a comfy blanket over my shoulders. everyone at the party thought it was great, especially since they were mostly friends of ours who know my history struggling with anxiety and depression and how amazing my beautiful fiancé has been through it all. we looked at my costume as a funny way to celebrate how much better i am doing (no longer on a ton of medication, am happy and healthier than ever). but when she posted a photo of us on her instagram she got some flak for “making a joke out of depression.” i believe that comedy = tragedy + time, but was wondering what you all think. am i the asshole? | nta | nta - that’s funny shit | personally i think having past probs with depression gives you full liscense to make jokes about it. nta | 621 |
9t2wz9 | aita for celebrating halloween at work even though some religions oppose it | today i brought candy into work and went door to door offering people in the building candy to celebrate halloween. at lunch, the colleagues in our unit and i turned out our office lights and danced to ghostbusters. then we put on costumes and posed for photos. that was until someone from another office came over to our unit to ask a question. when i asked what her kids were beingfor halloween she told me, “oh, we don’t celebrate halloween. my kids are coming home at lunch today because there’s a halloween party at school.” suddenly i’m sitting there with my cat ears, blasting backstreet’s back from my cubicle, and realizing that i may be making this person feel left out by celebrating a holiday in the workplace that not everyone celebrates. i know this woman is a very religious christian so perhaps i should have thought before asking her about halloween. aita? | nta | nta - if someone decided to celebrate hanukkah or ramadan or some holiday you don’t celebrate, that’s cool too. everyone get to celebrate their preferred holidays | nta. asking about halloween is such an innocuous question. everyone is allowed to celebrate halloween, she just choose not to. just because someone has a religious belief doesnt mean everyone around them needs to cater to that belief. | 12 |
9t2zj2 | aita for asking my girlfriend to split the cost of my flight home? | context: a women i was dating (were now friends) was moving out to colorado, where i grew up. she was debating flying out but she didn't know how to get her stuff out there and didn't want to drive alone. i suggested (i know that is key) that i could drive out there with her. i thought it would be a fun good-bye and, as a bonus, i could see my family. later, i brought up splitting the cost of my flight home (we split the hotels, gas, etc for the drive). aita for thinking it's reasonable for her to split my flight home? our friends think i am because i offered to drive and didn't bring it up right there. if it is relevant, i do have a steady job and she was not going to be making any money for the first few months. ​ edit2: for clarity (because the title is misleading). aita for thinking she should pay (not for asking her to)?\\ edit3: i think i am going to be owing someone dinner. ha! serious question: does it make any difference that i offered as part of a problem solving situation in which she was trying to figure out how she was going to get her crap out there? edit4: all right, ita. thanks for your input! | yta | yta. if the trip has bonus benefits for you (seeing your family) and was your idea, it's kind of ridiculous that you'd expect her to pay. i totally get and agree with splitting gas, etc, but she's not responsible for you flying home. | yta. less so for it being your idea in the first place, mostly because you're aware of the discrepancy between your finances and hers but still tried anyways. post-edit | 6 |
9t37js | aita. for punching this new guy who claims he has some mental condition(probably autism) for touching my stuff. | this all started a few months a ago when my 4th period got a student from a different school. this new student says he has a mental condition( idk didn't really pay attention to that kind of stuff), but it really doesn't matter to me. so, all was going well for a couple of weeks until i started seeing him doing other devilish stuff around other people like snitching on people(claims its on accident), taking people stuff saying he didn't know, and just at random screaming like a banshee at people for smacking or even just tapping their feet. people have been telling me he has a condition so they take up it up the ass and i don't really agree with that so i ry to stay clear of that person when possible. so all was going well until i'm in the library about to go too class about to pick up my bag until i realise the new guy place his stuff around mines he was about to go as well so i just grab my bag and just trying to get out there. then this the new guy grabbed my bag saying that is hes bad( granted our bag look the same but there is clear difference my bag has a medium size tear and hes doesnt). so im telling him "look dude this has a huge tear i know yours doesn't now let go of my stuff.", he told me to open it up i refused then he started screaming trying to take my bad with him. so at this point i had enough of this bs and decided to punch him making him land right on his back. he started screaming and crying like like a little demon until teacher broke us up, settled the situation and made us both open the bags too see if who was right(i was right). then the teacher asked who punch first the lil demon said i punched first it was true, but i did it becuase he was trying to steal my stuff. short story after the teachers said he has a mental condition and i should be more patience and more empathic. in my head i said fuck that this demon need deserve what's coming to him. now some people saying im a jerk for doing that am i jerk for standing up. | yta | yta. you assaulted the guy. there's no self defence here, and there was a teacher you could have appealed to for assistance. getting assaulted is not "what's coming to him." you are definitely the asshole. | yta and might have a mental condition yourself. spend less school time punching kids and try learning how to write. | 293 |
9t3f9c | aita for not wanting to play video game with a girl anymore? | background story: i’ve been playing fortnite (yeah yeah i know fuck me) since season 2 with a squad of my friends. we play competitively and usually get between 10-15 wins every night. about a month ago one of the guys wasn’t on for the night so we found a 4th off of discord. lo and behold, it’s a girl. now this girl is actually very nice, not an attention seeker or a tease and she does try her best. but...she’s trash. there’s really no other way to put it. she is constantly getting knocked and whenever we play with her we end up babysitting her because she can’t hold her own even in a 1v1. at first it was kind of...cute i guess? i liked the idea of helping her out. but now i’m too the point where i can’t stand when she joins the lobby because i know we are gonna take l’s all night. i also hate how the vibe of the squad changes when we play with her. my squad will literally offer her the best weapons and shields even if we need it more. she doesn’t ask for the handout but she doesn’t refuse them either. i hate having to censor the way we talk in case we offend her over something trivial. it’s just not as fun when it was just me and the homies. she constantly asks to play with us and my buddies can’t seem to tell her no, even though we all know we prob won’t get any wins with her. am i the asshole for not wanting her around anymore? | yta | you're nta for not wanting to play with someone that isn't good. yta by the way you brought up that she's not an attention seeker or a tease, implying that is not normal for girls. also, you wanted to help her originally because you thought it was cute, but now you're over it. doesn't sound like your friends are over it, so can you really blame them for acting the same way you did? and maybe try not censoring yourself at all. she's a human being, not a delicate flower. if she gets offended she can find another group to play with, which would also solve your problem. most girls do not like being treated any differently than a dude in these situations. | nta for the subject of the post. it sounds like you don't have fun when you're not playing at a competitive level. you're allowed to want to have fun. it doesn't sound like your friends are going to change their minds, though, so either quit to find something more fun, find a new group to play with, or learn to love it. btw, yta for how you talk about girls. | 21 |
9t457z | aita for leaving class when a professor explicitly told me that i couldn't? | i'm in college, a few days ago i was sitting in class and my class ends at 3:00 pm. it's around 2:54 pm and the professor has already been finished the lesson, and everyone is just packing up all their things. the professor is currently chilling (sitting on his desk) and chatting with this group of girls in the front row about unrelated things (things that have nothing to do with the class). everyone else is packing up and chatting among themselves as well. i've finished packing up all my things and get up to leave at around 2:56. the professor suddenly gets up and holds out his arm right in front of me to stop me when i reach the front of the room and tells me that it's not 3:00, and tells me class is not over. embarrassed and flustered all of a sudden, i say "i'm sorry i have to go" and move past him and leave. aita? | nta | nta, it’s college you can leave when you want | nta- if the lesson is over then adios! i’ve never understand colleges that treat kids like they just went into 13th grade! i had professors that counted attendance as part of your grade. it’s always been a bullshit precedence when you have to pay thousands of dollars to be there! give me the syllabus i’ll show up for tests turn in my work and show up if we are doing something i actually need guidance in. | 25 |
9t467y | aita for getting annoyed with parents who drive their kids to affluent neighbors on halloween? | within the past year, my girlfriend moved in with me into my home in an affluent neighborhood. for the past few years, the neighbors and i have seen a growing amount of people come to our neighborhood for halloween. this has caused a lot of people to "turn off" for halloween, which you'd think would get the crowd to lessen but it keeps growing. i was openly annoyed with this leading up to halloween and my girlfriend would condemn it every time i brought it up because "halloween's all about sharing", saying it shouldn't matter whether the kids are from the neighborhood or not. she'd also point out that many of these children probably live in bad neighborhoods where it's not possible to trick-or-treat. not surprisingly, this year at both entrances to the neighborhood, cars line the streets.. some with out of state plates (i live in a suburb of a city which is just over the state line.) ​ am i the asshole for getting annoyed with parents who truck carloads full of kids to a neighborhood they don't live in? ​ | yta | yta: https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/10/dear-prudence-on-halloween-poor-kids-come-to-trick-or-treat-in-my-neighborhood.html “stop being callous and miserly and go to costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live.” | yta. “sorry kids, we live in an apartment complex that doesn’t allow trick or treating so you’re never going to be able to experience a cherished american tradition” | 6,439 |
9t4cqv | aita for giving a talk about how feminism is putting down men. | my highschool teacher had us give a 10 minute presentation about a topic to the whole class to practice public speaking. i chose the topic about radical feminism. i brought up a point about how if a man is even accused of sexual assault they could lose everything but if a woman is accused they just get a slap on the wrist. one girl who is kinda rude started interrupting me and said i did not know what i was talking about, then, when i told her to stop(after the teacher telling her), she lashed out and started rambling about feminism. flash forward to next day when i apologized and she rejected and her friends started to argue that i should have not said that, so i walked away. she then talked to the guidance counselor and i got marked off my presentation (for telling her to be quiet, we were graded on presentation not the content) and got detention for harassing her. she got marked off for telling me i'm wrong, but she did not have to scrape gum off desks. my guidance counselor said that she couldn't have proven either of us right but i would have been the only one that had did something wrong. | yta | yta, you’re main concern about sexual assault is that a woman being sexually assaulted can ruin the assailants life. also every girl in that class thinks you’re a massive creep now. | yta, you were asked to practice public speaking for ten minutes, but you broadcasted a complex and controversial opinion in an environment unsuitable for productive debate, where listeners had no polite means of challenging you. you likely also spread misinformation because that topic is far more complicated than ten minutes of discussion could express. as it stands, you've overstepped the parameters of the original assignment by speaking about a topic that doesn't fit in 10 minutes, while making an underhanded challenge to people who can't challenge you back. and that's real shitty. | 54 |
9t4u6g | aita for disagreeing with my mothers christian standards? i’m 15 btw | tl;dr at the bottom my mother was a christian for a long time even before i was born. once i got into this world, i guess i was automatically assigned as a “christian” because she was. my father was a christian, but he left that religion after... an occurrence. i accepted the christian religion until i was about 12-13 until i became questionable about christianity. ever since then i’ve faked my way through my life religiously. all my moms christian friends and their children, i faked. all my church sunday and wednesday meetings, i faked interest in. i once asked what would happen if i “defied” jesus and she said “i wouldn’t give you anything, you would become self sufficient to this day, and i would kick you out of my house”. that was before i became “unchristian” ever since then i just listen to whatever bullshit youtube christianity video she wants me to while praying with her on every fucking thing ever. when i become 18 and in college that’s when i’m gonna spill, but until then i’m faking till i make it. aita? tl;dr my moms a christian, i was too, now i’m not. i defy her ways and do what i want without her knowing, and faking my religion until college. aita? | nta | nta. this is a common and basic survival tactic. | nta it’s just something you gotta do if your folks are hella into that shit. if you slowly lose interest in it and talk to them about your beliefs or non beliefs that’ll go a long way | 3 |
9t4zp9 | aita for telling my 13-year-old sister that she needs to grow up? | tonight, because it's halloween, my sister was excited for trick or treating. she dressed up and was ready to go at about 7 . i expressed a lot of discomfort that she was trick or treating, our neighbors have never been friendly to teenagers trick or treating which is why i was hesitant. its why i stopped trick or treating myself. for context my sister acts extremely childish, and has flat out told me she doesn't want to grow up so she acts like this on purpose. stuff like talking cutesy and acting like someone half her age. she also throws horrible tantrums when she doesn't get her way, everything from hitting me to telling me to off myself. i got roped into taking her trick or treating and as we went she insisted on knocking on every door regardless of whether the porch light was on. eventually she started getting peeved that she wasn't getting a lot of candy and that people handing out candy kept kinda staring at her dissaprovingly. she also didn't seem to be having fun and seemed frustrated that she wasn't. i told her, "i know you wanna stay a kid, but you have to grow up. you won't be able to recreate the feeling of being 6 years old again... you need to act your age." she got super upset with me and called me a lot of mean names as she tends to do before she goes into full tantrum. she demanded i apologize to her and i did to avoid a tantrum. am i the asshole..? | nta | i’m actually on the same boat my sister is 13 and wants to go trick or treating, i don’t live in a not so nice neighborhood so i would have to drive somewhere and there’s so much traffic and i don’t know how to tell her i don’t wanna go since i just got off a 10 hour shift, in your case definitely nta she needs to grow up and can’t give her everything she wants | i wouldn’t necessarily call you the asshole. given the description, i would say she needs to grow up. but the way i see it, you go trick-or-treating from 0-12 and then once you’re 13, you get to go for one last victory lap and then your done. if she tries to go next year, i would stop here in conclusion, nta | 4 |
9t5k1y | aita fot not wanting to share my birthday? | i know this is really minor compared to a lot of stuff in this sub, but it's been really bugging me. my birthday is coming up and i want to invite some close friends to a picnic on the park. i'm also thinking of asking them to bring their dogs along because i love doggos. when i told this to my friends, one of the girls told me it was better if we didn't bring our dogs, because she lives next to the park and she wants to bring us all over to her house to look at the pictures of her quinceañera. it kind of bugged me... her quinceañera was june last year, and it was a huge, beautiful party. i know it meant a lot to her, and i'm really glad she wants to show us the pictures. but tbh, i wonder if she could have chosen any other day to do it... i don't like making a big deal out of my birthday, so i'm feeling a little selfish for not wanting us to go to her house after the picnic. am i being an asshole here?? should i share the day with her, since she's so excited about it? | nta | nta. can’t she just bring the pictures to the park when she goes to see you? i would ask her if she can do that instead. if she says no, i would just un-invite her and enjoy your birthday with the rest of your friends and doggies. | nta - i think it's completely normal to want to be the center of the attention for once and do things the way you want to do them. i think that the friend is a douche for being inconcidered of such occasion. you should tell her this or else it will keep bugging you. | 2 |
9t5tav | aita for wanting my seat back? | so, about a year ago, my school was having a “play-back night”, basically lip-sync battle but without the “battle”. they were just a bunch of fifteen year olds dressing up as celebrities and acting like they sung. at the event, they were selling pozole (mexican soup) and i knew buying some was a bad idea as soon as they served it in a ceramic bowl. the table where they were selling it was very far away from the show, so if i wanted to watch it and be with my friends i was gonna have to take the bowl full of scalding liquid to my seat. i sit down, try to eat, but it’s too cold. meanwhile, a 3 year old kid was making his way through the row of seats, supporting his body on the legs of the audience. i hadn’t noticed him until he put his hands *in* my pozole. he fell down, pouring the entire thing over himself and my legs. i was kind of pissed off but the kid didn’t know better (what was he doing unsupervised, i do not know). i told my friends to watch my seat as i went to the restroom to clean up and check wether the burns were serious or not (they weren’t, thankfully). when i came back there was this 50ish year old lady sitting in my seat. i asked my friends something along the lines of “wth guys?” but they just said she ignored them when they told her the seat was occupied. i told the woman “excuse me, you’re in my seat. i just went to the restroom”. she goes on about how she is very old, while i’m in my prime, and how chivalry has been lost. how, back in her day, kids would gladly give up their seats to elderly people (i should clarify, she was *not* that old). if she had apologized and gotten up i would’ve let her stay there, or if she had asked me for it, or if i had seen her looking for a chair, but she took it like she owned the school and was not willing to give it up, so i stood my ground. she then threaten to call the principal, so i had to back down (the principal would automatically take her side because the woman was a parent). am i wrong for thinking she should’ve given me the seat? it wasn’t even my fault i had to get up (though she had no way of knowing that). i was having a pretty rough night, but am i the entitled one? | nta | nta. you said she was 50s not 75. she should’ve gotten there earlier if she wanted a good seat, and when someone says “it’s taken,” it’s taken. | nta. entitled old people are the fucking worst. | 10 |
9t6a8e | aita, for denying kids halloween candy and making a seven year old boy want to fight me. | first and foremost i'm going to start this off by saying i'm using a throwaway account so go away heather. so tonight was halloween, and my family and i live in a quite middle class neighbourhood. the normal candy-hander-outer is my mother because she can tolerate children more than the rest of us, but she was working late because of <insert work problem here> so i manned the fort while she was gone. the night was quiet overall, not many kids and the ones that did come were nice and most importantly had cool costumes. well about 10 minutes before my mom got home there, was a singular ring of the doorbell. no problem, i stand up and go to the door. in about the 30 seconds it took me to stand up and get to the door it had rung (not even exaggerating) about 35-50 more times. whoever was spamming this doorbell had starcraft grandmaster level apm. of course by now i'm mad. asking for free candy is fine one night a year but this is just rude. i swing the door open and see 3 kids, all about 7-8 years old, one of which is still pressing the doorbell. these kids had no parents, no supervisors, no costumes (literally just a witch hat on two of them and a zombie mask on the other one.) pissed off, i say "you rang the doorbell too many times. go away" and accept anything that comes from the blowback, a tp attack, an egging, whatever. these kids are not getting candy, fuck them. about 10 minutes later, my mom is finally home when the doorbell rings again. what do you know starcraft apm girl is back at it. my mom opens the door and about 10 seven year olds (likely after my head) and they were asking for candy, again. my mom is a much more patient person than so she hands them candy. afters, zombie mask kid takes off his mask and says "bring that guy out here i have a few words for him." (respectfully, i declined) so i guess one question remains, aita for not giving these clearly rude kids candy on halloween? this has divided my friend group and i for about the past 2-3 hours so i'll let you guys decide. tldr: refused to give kids halloween candy because they mashed our doorbell repeatedly for candy. | nta | i'm going to disregard the slightly assholish comment about the costumes because it's not really relevant. but i say nta. i get they are kids, but they still have to learn how to behave. i think they were old enough to know that was rude and they shouldn't do that shit. their background must be kind of crappy though if they are trick or treating with no parents at 7 and him trying to fight you in your front yard. that's modeled behaviour! | nta, i fucking got triggered reading this. god turns out i'm not a patient person. that is soooo irrigating. | 100 |
9t6ctw | aita for disliking my disabled sister? | first time posting, gonna try and not be ranty. my sister has some type of medical condition similar to down syndrome but not down syndrome. best way i can describe it is she acts like she’s 4 and has a horrible short term memory. she’s 10 we have to take several precautions due to her being accident prone, and not learning from her mistakes. when confronted about her mistakes she gets angry and says she isn’t doing anything wrong. she gets up at around 2-3 am to wander around the house. we have to lock the pantry, and our bedrooms at night, the issue is whenever we get up for school we have to use those weird key things for doors with the tiny hole. she wakes up our mother who is near always sleep deprived. at 3 am. she asks for food at restaurants like normal, but then refuses to eat it. then when we get home asks for food. begs for food that she doesn’t like. she doesn’t eat salad but always asks for it. wanders around in public, this is where the really embarrassing parts come in because i have to interact with people. she will drop everything (literally) whenever she sees a dog or a baby. she will go and pet it, yes even babies, and i have to pull her away. the hard part is most of the time it’s a service dog or someone who just looks like they had a bad day. she has to be held by the hand everywhere we go, as she refuse to follow our general direction otherwise. she doesn’t understand that you have to buy things and tries to take whatever she wants. but the one thing that drives me insane and i cannot mention without ranting is baby doll videos. you know, youtube kids stuff. johnny johnny, finger family, god that stuff drives me insane. she’s still learning the alphabet but somehow can recite finger family and johnny johnny from memory. neither of my parents see an issue but she watches these videos every car ride, without headphones. full volume. whenever we try headphones she unplugs them. she unplugs anything in her ipad, including the charger, and will wine when it doesn’t work. i don’t like her, i don’t like finger family, and i have hidden how much i dislike her for fear of my family. | nta | nta. to me, it sounds like you're having a tough time dealing with a tough situation. that doesn't make you an asshole. people often forget how hard it is on caregivers and it sounds like you are one. i'd suggest you get therapy so you can find a way to deal with your feelings so you don't reach a breaking point or unintentionally harm your relationship with your parents. | nta, you don't have to like her. you will probably learn to live with her by time. | 75 |
9t6v2h | aita for slowly talking less and less to a clingy “friend”. | so i knew this one person, and they were incredibly clingy to me. i thought they were fine at first, but eventually, all they would do is complain about their problems. every time i would be around them, they would just sit down and sigh, and stare at the ground until i talked to them. and once i talked to them, they would just warp the conversation into complaining about some part of their life. i would try and be friendly, and give them advice, but no matter what they never even came close to trying to fix any of their life issues. they would shrug off any help i tried to give them, and then rant about the same thing the next week. they didn’t want help, they wanted attention. talking with them was not only frustrating, but pointless. eventually i decided to text them less and less, and essentially slowly ended our “friendship”. having to talk with them almost daily, was adding a lot more stress to my life, and i just couldn’t take it anymore. i really did try my best to help them, but as i said, they simply didn’t accept help, not even from themselves. aita for ending our “friendship”? | nta | nta. you're not obligated to be someone's therapist for the sake of being polite. | nta you get to decide who's a part of your life. it's a shame it couldn't work out but if interacting with someone isn't a pleasant experience, it's probably a good idea to stop interacting with them. could you have possibly told them that they were bothering you with their problems? | 12 |
9t75g2 | wibta for cutting ties with a girl that’s madly in love with me, even though i think i might feel something for her? | allow me to elaborate. so i’ve been talking to this girl for about 2 months now, and all i can say is i just feel lost with it. she’s absolutely beautiful, like she’s stunning. and on top of that, she has a great personality. we started as fwb, but i don’t know what i’m feeling right now and feel lost. i’ve told her i have feelings and she feels the same, but i don’t feel like it’s the same feelings i’ve had for other girls. the recent girls i talked to felt too perfect for me so i was obsessed, while with this one, it actually feels realistic, but the feelings feel more grounded in a way. like, i don’t want to talk to her 24/7, but i just don’t know. i want to love her, but i don’t know if i can so far. i actually really like talking to her and she likes talking to me. we worry about each other, but i don’t think we’re on the same level of feelings about each other. i wanna be with her, but part of me just doesn’t. i never been on a date with her because we haven’t seen each other awhile, but knew each other forever. this girls is nuts for me and i wanna be nuts for her, but i don’t know. i don’t wanna lead her on, and hurt her, but fuck, i don’t wanna lose her. she’s so amazing, but i just don’t know if i can see myself with her. is this what it feels like to have an actual girlfriend? every other previous girl lead me on and broke my heart. a date doesn’t really excite me to be honest, but having her by my side sounds so nice right about now. i really don’t wanna hurt her. she’s so precious. i think one part of me feels like i should cut ties, while the other part of me would hate myself for letting her go. wibta if i just ended everything here? what should i do? i really hope i can love her she’s so fucking awesome, i don’t know where to start, we just click. ughhhhh, please help me... | nta | nta, but it seems like you're looking for high school movie dramatic "love," and that's not what actual love is. it would be a shame to pass over something real trying to chase an obsession. | nta if you're ending things because you don't feel like you're on the same level. she doesn't know you well enough to truly be madly in love with you, you've never even been on a date. why not just go on a date and see how you feel? sometimes things can feel more chill and less passionate when you click comfortably. worst case, it doesn't work for you so you end it and move forward. best case, you date. | 5 |
9t7f1g | aita for not wanting to pay money for the damaged floor? | i am currently living with my housemate 'j' who is also the owner of our house. last month, our kitchen sink had a minor issue, and we called a repairman. he came and fixed in few hours. however, apparently he didn't fix it properly, and water from the sink started dripping to the floor. we just realized this yesterday and found out the whole floor below the sink is now damaged because of the leakage. here is the problem. the repairman denied his fault, and now it's up to us to deal with it. j wants me to split the cost to repair the floor, which costs $2000, and i have to pay 1k from my pocket. honestly, i know he cares about it because he is the landlord, but i don't feel like paying this much for something i didn't do. aita for not paying the money? | nta | nta. he is the owner while you are the tenant. damages that you don't cause is not yours to tend to. it's 100% his responsibility, and he can't force you to pay a single penny. i think he kind of is an asshole for even expecting you to pay. | unless you somehow caused the damage it isn't your responsibility to pay, you didn't so nta. i'm a home owner and wouldn't think of trying to hold a tenant responsible or ask for money for a repair to my home that wasn't caused by them. | 1 |
9t7hyg | aita for not wanting to remain friends with a woman who i was only looking for a romantic relationship with? | i met this woman while doing some volunteering for a club i am a part of at my college campus. i had seen her around before, but i had been informed that she had a boyfriend a year prior. whilst talking to her i joked about my own relationships, of which i had none and was single. she remarked that she was also single by 6 months or so. i found out that her ex boyfriend dumped her. after the volunteering we toured a little fall festival on campus and hit it off quite well. i got her number and we made plans for an outing soon after in the week. ended up going to a fast food restaurant at her behest. i brought a bouquet of flowers which she accepted readily and seemed to really enjoy. a few days later i wanted to meet with her again so i messaged her about going on a “date”. she replied that she really enjoyed hanging out with me as well as my company and that she would love to go out with me, but only wanted to be friends and not go out on dates, just friendly outings. i replied that i was not interested in remaining just friends and that it would probably be best if we parted ways. (i tend to catch feelings quick, and it does not help that i spoke to this woman due to the fact i knew she was single, otherwise i would have been more cautious.) she ended up getting offended and ranted at me through text saying she didn’t understand why i wanted to part ways when she was “just being sincere about her feelings toward me.” so, am i the asshole here? i’ve asked friends and it’s been pretty split by gender. most women say i’m the asshole and that i should have remained friends, and most men said it was alright to move on because i’m looking for a relationship, not more friendships. tl;dr op met a woman, went out with her, then was told she only wanted to be friends. op did not want to be friends and decided it would be best to cut ties. | nta | nta at all. your decision to be honest and forward with your feelings is mature, more so than most guys. you're allowed to be interested in someone romantically, and only romantically. you can't help the way you feel, and you can't legitimately remain friends with a person if you have strong romantic feelings for them. just think, would she prefer the opposite? feigning to be a friend when you're interested in taking it further? that's not a healthy attitude for either parties involved. she can't say "i was just being sincere about my feelings towards you" and then not respect you doing the exact same thing in return. good on you for being an adult about this. | nta, but you have to realise how it comes off when a friendly guy who seems really cool turns out to only be interested in you for romantic/sexual purposes. it's hurtful, basically being told your friendship or a platonic relationship isn't enough to interest them. understand your dilemma though. unless you were friends already or had a good basis for that, it's a contrived and asymmetric relationship. advice would have been to say "yes, of course let's be friends" and never follow up on making any plans, just as real life friends often do. | 41 |
9t7qbb | wibta if i changed the locks on a joint storage unit? | so, in september a lady that i do small clerical type jobs for asked me for a favor. i normally help her organize her things, she’s is a major hoarder of paper and antique furniture. she asked me if i would put a storage unit in my name for 30 days (30 days only cost $1, after that the price is $240 per month). she had been given a notice to remove refuse (old furniture) from the property that she’s renting or face eviction. i agreed. i added her as an authorized user for the unit. she payed me $20 for this favor. well september was coming to a close and it was time for her to move her things out of the storage unit. september 26th she tells me that she needs me to be available september 29th to help with the storage removal and closing the account. i told her that i was unavailable to be present that day which was a saturday. so, she said she would start it saturday and finish it sunday (30th) then i could close the account. i agreed. well friday the 28th she tells me that she has to drive a truck across country from california to new jersey, so her daughter would be doing the moving for her. i just needed to close the account after the daughter was done moving. sunday the 30th rolls around and i don’t hear from her. she never gave me her daughter’s number so i waited to hear from the lady or her daughter. she calls me at 6:11 pm on a 3 way call with her daughter. she asks me if i had called the storage company to let them know she would be moving out. mind you, she’s an authorized user and she could’ve done this herself. i told her that i spoke to them earlier in the week but not over the weekend, but i had just arrived at my in laws house 85 miles from home and i couldn’t talk long, as we had a family emergency. she tells me that she has an emergency as well. lady says: “you were supposed to be available to close the account out today. i took the key with me so daughter couldn’t get into the unit and you are the only one that they will cut the lock for. you need to call them so that i don’t get charged.” so, i said i would call back when i could talk. she sends me her daughter’s phone number so that i can coordinate with her (too little too late imo). at the time that she called, the storage place was closed, it closed at 5 pm because it was sunday. when i spoke to her daughter, the daughter admitted that she forgot about having to move out of the unit sunday around 3 and when she got to the storage place she realized that she didn’t have a key. so we made a plan to try and keep from being charged the $240. i already knew it was i vain, but i humored her. she has blamed me the entire month because she cannot afford $240 for a storage unit. well, she kept the unit for an additional 30 days. i told her last week that she would need to close out the account after she moved out. i cannot be there to do so, and since she is on the account, i do not need to be. she finally paid the past due balance on october 30th. she asked me several times when she needed to be out of the unit. i told her every specific detail. “the final day to move and make a payment is october 31st. you must walk into the office within the building to close out the account at least 15 minutes before they close. if you do not close out the account, you will be billed for another month. i do not need to be present for you to close the account. you need to do it.” she got a major attitude and told me that i was full of excuses as to why i couldn’t be present. she also informed me today that she was on the road again delivering a truck somewhere and that she would try to make it back before they closed. i am beyond infuriated. i checked the online account and it has not been closed out, which means she probably didn’t make it back in time to move her things out. if she doesn’t pay the $240 that’s now due november 1st, aita if i have the storage company break the lock so that i can change it? if i am going to be stuck with a bill, i am going to try to sell whatever may still be there. i don’t think the storage company will restrict access because the current bill isn’t past due yet. i am afraid that she is going to take her stuff and ditch this second bill. she blames me for the account being open when i had nothing to do with her failure to move!! any other advice in this situation would be very helpful as well. | nta | nta. you're just stupid for getting into this agreement in the first place. it's not exactly clear to me how this billing works but you should not have to pay $240 for this person's storage. if possible change her over to the account owner. i'm not sure how to keep her accountable but if your card is on the account then you might have to change the locks and give her access only after she covers the cost of the unit. | nta, and i would absolutely change the lock, but understand that this means you're going to have to show up to let her into the unit at some point. then let it ride. if she doesn't pay or close the unit out, at a certain point they will auction the unit, take what is due them, and return any excess to you. make sure you're keeping a good paper trail of everything in case she sues you. all communication from here on out needs to be done via email or texting- no phone calls. email her and tell her exactly what is going to happen- that you're changing the lock until she pays or removes her stuff. if she doesn't do either, you are going to let the company auction the unit. | 21 |
9t8pxo | aita for not greeting people in the morning? | specifically in the morning at work, but anywhere else too i guess. a lot of people are super chipper in the mornings and they’ll say good morning to everyone they pass or strike up some small talk, but i usually try to keep to myself. i won’t ignore people, but if they don’t greet me first i’ll usually just walk past them without saying anything. when it’s just me and another person walking towards each other in a hall i usually try to avoid eye contact and when they get closer i’ll pretend to check my phone or take a drink of coffee so i don’t have to speak to them. i’m fine without having much social interaction at work, but i’m always paranoid that people take it the wrong way and think i’m rude. | nta | nta. i'm the same as you, and there are consequences, though, such as people thinking you're a bitch/asshole, that you're better than everyone else, etc. it's not fair, but we end up alienating our coworkers when we don't 'play the game'. | nta per say, but i would think you lacked home training. (saying good morning was something *extremely* important to do when i was a child.) > when they get closer i’ll pretend to check my phone or take a drknk of coffee so i don’t have to speak to them this comes off as very rude. most people have enough peripheral vision to see someone even if they’re on their phone or sipping coffee. so when you don’t say anything, it’s obvious that you’re ignoring them. based off of this post, it seems like you have some kind of social anxiety, but i’d recommend you take the small (and possibly terrifying) step of greeting people as they come in! | 13 |
9t97li | wibta for asking my husband to put his dreams on hold | my husband is very ambitious. he works hard at his job and always has a side project or 5. he's also an introvert and is most fulfilled when he is plugging away at little projects by himself. right now, his big undertaking is starting a business with a friend of his. they generally meet 3 times a week before work (he'll leave at like 5:30) and have a code jam like one saturday a month (they stay up real late). here's the thing: we have two children under two years old. i'm a stay at home parent and i'm starting to feel burnt out and alone. in my mind, if he can wake up early to go to those meetings, he can wake up early and do the dishes or just go to work early so he can be home to help with dinner. i tried telling him this before, but he said he needs that time to feel human because he's an introvert and it's only ~4.5 hours a week anyhow. i don't want to be insensitive to his needs, but i don't know if he realizes how much i'm drowning. i would *love* 4.5 hours a week to work on fulfilling projects, but even if i got 4.5 hours away from the kids, it would have to be spent catching up on stuff around the house. either way, i don't get that time. every weekend, he claims i'll get it or i can take it any time i want, but it just never happens. he has also offered to hire a part time nanny or housecleaning service. i guess that might make things easier, but i don't know, i just want him. i don't want to further remove myself from my family. anyway, would i be the asshole if i asked my husband to put a pause on the morning meetings (or lessen them to once a week) until our younger daughter is sleeping 6 hours straight or 3 months, whichever comes first? 1. it sort of makes me feel like i've failed. i don't contribute financially and this would cause even more of a money-suck. 2. most of the tasks i need help with are ongoing and i'm not even sure how hired help would work. i don't need help for 4 hours once a week. i need help for 20 minutes twice a day (if that makes any sense at all). but y'all are right. he offered to hire someone so i should take him up. those of you who pointed out that what i'm really craving is more emotional investment are spot on. i'm realizing that now. i think what i'll ask is that he come home from work early one day a week (i'll let him decide if he wants to do that in addition to or instead of the business meetings) to help and bond with the family. thanks so much for all of your input (even those of you who were a bit hostile). i think it will really help me go into this discussion more level-headed and with my priorities straight. | nta | nta. these are his kids as much as they are yours and he should take more of the responsibility of you're overwhelmed. it isn't selfish to ask for your husband to attend to his family. good for him for offering to hire a nanny to free up your time, but it doesn't solve the problem of his lack of emotional investment despite his good intentions. i think it's perfectly fair for you to tell him exactly this. | husband with side projects here. i feel my input is valuable because i was on the other side of this. first off. nta. remember however that in a relationship, or in any group situation really, we tend to focus on and be aware of what we do as opposed to what other people do. i dont mean by that that your spouse does more than you think, but rather that he may not be aware of how much you do. if the sink is always empty, we often wont realize someone had to empty it. here are a few pieces of advice i can give: -make a list of what you need to do during the day. leave it on the fridge so he sees it. use it as a reminder for yourself, and don’t talk about it, but he will almost certainly see it. it will help him assimilate the amount of stuff you do. - leave little obvious tasks for him to “help with”. oh i was going to empty the dishwasher but i havent had a chance to get to it. let him step up. - if you need help with something please ask. not by dictating what you need done, he doesn’t work for you. but ask him if he can help you clean the counter, or whatever. if baby pukes, get baby changed and say “could you clean up the mess while i do this?” odds are he doesn’t realize it needs to get done. im sure you’d love for him to just do it, but that’s just not the reality. - over time, he will know and help out more and more what he can do, what he can help with, and what things you absolutely dont want him to do cuz he wont do it the way you would ;) and vice versa. -let him realize that he needs to put his project on the back burner. if he’s a good guy, and i think you think he is, then he’ll step up and find a way to make it work or postpone it himself. if you tell him, he might resent you for it. in other words, be clear about what you need him to do, do not dictate, and let him reach his own conclusions. edit : formatting. | 112 |
9ta230 | aita for believing that i don’t owe anything to the company i worked for? | we just had a round of layoffs at work and a re-org. i’ve been miserable there for almost a year now, and recently put in my two weeks notice because i took a chance and got my literal dream job. people aren’t happy about it since a lot of my functions keep the department running. i’ve given them ample time to plan, and have gone above and beyond to make sure that the transition is smooth. i was talking with my coworkers about all of this, and i brought up the fact that, if a company is legally considered a “person”, then i should be considered a “company” with my main goal to be to increase revenue. i know that they would drop me without a second thought, so i should be able to walk away from the company. i don’t owe them anything after i leave. they all told me that i have to look at it differently, and that it’s a messed up way of looking at things. someone told me that i’m going to screw them over if i don’t continue to help after i leave. i’m happy to answer questions, but i’m not coming in. i’m moving two hours away. am i the asshole? | nta | definitely nta. your analogy is kind of weird, but your feelings are still relevant. at the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself, your wellness, and your happiness. the company going through lay-offs and reorganizations would be a red flag for me personally anyway, so you're better off getting out now, especially if you're unhappy in the position. | nta. sounds like your co-workers are suffering from some kind of stockholm syndrome. they should be happy for you! | 434 |
9ta82q | aita for wanting nothing to do with my partner/baby mama when she is on xanax? | backstory is we are very much in love, very happy, have a wonderful life and a wonderful son. last weekend i had a scary situation at work that has her all stressed out, and a friend gave her an undetermined amount of xanax to help smooth her over. but ... she is not an easy person to be around on any benzo. it inhibits her emotional control and causes extreme insecurity. for fairness sake i would like to point out that this is my opinion, based on living with her for the last 5 years, and although it is an opinion based on observation and experience, i am by no means any sort of expert or psychologist. she found the bottom of a cut off t-shirt in a drawer in our bedroom, and asked me what it was. told her i had no idea, looked like a fragment of clothing, ive never seen it before. her - then why was it hidden? me - i thought you said it was in the drawer? her - yeah, hidden in the drawer! (getting louder now) me - babe, what do you think it is, why are you so pissed? this is fucking stupid her - i dont know what it is, but its not mine, and i want to know why you hid it! so i walk out of the room, not interested in this argument. i take the our son out in the backyard to play. i know i am nta at this stage of my admittedly long post. she tries to talk to me a few hours later, tells me i was overly angry, that she wasnt accusing me of anything, she is blameless and doesnt understand why i am so angry (i was frustrated, but never raised my voice, i left the room and busied myself elsewhere to de-escalate). i tell her that when she takes xanax her reality and short term memory are so warped that i dont want to speak about it until she is sober. i tell her i withdraw, i love her but have no desire to fall into the trap of trying to talk to someone who disagrees with me on the fundamental nature of what literally happened a few hours ago. she for sure thinks i am the asshole. i received about a dozen texts after i fell asleep last night that included the gems "you hang out with (my friends) and they do them. i already felt crazy (because of scary work event weekend prior) and so its not even the xanax its just me." "you look more suspect about this recent shit that i.... i'd drink a bunch too if someone wanted to kill me... just how come you judge me, and hurt me. and separate from me, like my opinion doesn't matter. if you died, i'd die..... that made me crazy." "im just too tired ok. go to sleep. i wish it were with me, but you hate me and can't stand to look at me so.... just do whatever makes you happy. crushes me but i'm tough" so i leave it up to you reddit, do you agree with my lady love, aita? | nta | nta imo at all you actually took steps to not cause a larger problem. de-escalating by leaving the area was probably the best you could've done. i would just suggest you talk to her about the texts and how you feel that when she is impaired it's not the best time to have serious (even if they shouldn't be) conversations. | nta. xanax is a horrible drug, its incredibly addictive and can cause huge cognitive impairment in people, and its almost never indicated for long term use. hopefully its not being prescribed by her primary, because they really have no business prescribing that medication long term. | 23 |
9tahgx | aita for looking at furry porn while there are people home? (14,m) | so when this happened i was looking at furry porn, but then my brother(10, knows full well what porn and furries are) came home, i stopped to let him in and greet him and then got back to doing the deed, however after a minute or so he blitzed in my room and i zipped my pants and clicked on a different tab as soon as possible. alas, it was too late, he may have not seen my penis, but he has witnessed the yiff, he was then like "youre watching porn i saw you!" and i, startled, raised my voice "well yeah!" "you watch porn?" "yes" he went back to his room and played some games while calling his friend (he normally blitzes out just as he goes in, not to mention he *almost* closed the door) after which i quickly finished and apologized for yelling at him, he did not respond. some clarification: i regularly watch porn while my family is at home, he has shown distaste towards furries before, i closed the door everytime | nta | i personally don’t think so, so long as you’re not forcing other people to look at it. nta | nta but you should definitely have your door locked. no need to wait til everyone is asleep, just institute a knock first policy and ask for your privacy to be respected. totally normal to want to jerk it constantly at your age, if you have a good family they will understand. | 0 |
9tajyn | wibta if i didn't give my boyfriend what he wants for his birthday? | we've been together 4 years and i'm the only income in the house. he doesn't have a job even though he says he's looking, i can't verify anything because i'm out working 10+ hour shifts. our relationship has been straining for the past couple of years because of it, cause i'm getting tired of being the only one putting bread on the table while he sits at home playing games all day (or that's what it feels like to me). i've been trying to save money to pay off credit card debt and just to have a nest egg, and i don't make all that much money. he's a good guy who treats me well and never really asks for anything more when it comes to holidays and birthdays, but he does ask for a lot of small things like new games that are coming out or funko pops or whatever and i usually get them for him. his birthday is next month and he's been asking for a new $2000\~ range gaming rig. i feel awful, but don't feel like giving him a gift that expensive when for my birthday i got a couple of books that i reminded him i wanted two days prior, and socks. i feel like an asshole because i've hit him with the old "we'll see give, me some time", but with the date approaching, i feel more and more resentful and i don't even want to get him the small things he asks for every now and again. i feel like he needs to get a job so he can pay for this himself because i don't want to feel like i'm raising a kid instead of being part of a relationship. am i the asshole for not wanting to spend that much money on my boyfriend on his birthday? | nta | nta. if anything, he's that asshole for having the audacity to ask you to spend that much money on him. especially when he's living off of you already. i would never ask my so to spend $2,000 on me for anything. he can continue to play the video games that his current rig can handle, until he starts contributing. if you buy that computer, you'd only be enabling him. if you're gonna spend that money, spend it clearing your debt. | >i'm out working 10+ hour shifts. >i'm getting tired of being the only one putting bread on the table while he sits at home playing games all day >...new $2000~ range gaming rig. sweet jesus!. no nta your boyfriend, on the other hand, is in addition of being a lot of other things. | 301 |
9tare8 | aita for saying recruitment policy at my company is sexist against men | so long story short ive been with my company close to 5 years. this job has a through application process and a lenghty training program before you actually start. entry involves a physical, mental and psych test and you are scored on each. now in days gone by it was that when a recruitment opened the 20-30 with the best scores got in this is a heavily male dominated industry too. recently it was revealed that the recruitment had changed and now they split applicants into 2 pools. 1 male 1 female. they then took the top 15 of each for each training unit. when questioned why we were told they wanted more woman in the industry so theyve done this. or the exact words were "we want to level the playing field as were a heavily male dominated industry" i called this sexist. and i was called sexist for suggesting this was sexist. to me you should take the best 20-30 gender does not matter. the only reason to do this would be because males were outscoring females so not enough were getting in. now its biased towards woman to me this is sexist aita? edit. clearly without knowing the job i cant really get straight answers. jobs law enforcement. do you think this is fair for a cop who does need a certain level of strength and fitness | yta | yta. diversifying a workforce actually causes an increase in productivity. people from different background bring different ideas into the mix and this is something useful for a company. studies have shown this but i don't have access to them, you could easily research the topic on your own. it sounds like the test were skewed for men to get in, for whatever reason, and the people who did this probably didn't do it on purpose. they just probably weren't thinking about it at the time. but your company realizes that female employees, even if they can't dominate the tests like men can, add value to their company in ways that **men can't**. so if they want the top 15 female performers and the top 15 male performers. there is nothing sexist about that. they are leveling the playing field to achieve their desired result. | yta for not understanding that the company would want a different gender opinion on projects and issues within the company. >or the exact words were "we want to level the playing field as were a heavily male dominated industry" love how you went back and added this lol. | 14 |
9tb3io | aita for walking on yards? | took my 3 kids trick or treating last night, and a few times i walked across someone's grass going from the sidewalk to their front door. i only did this a few times and only when it was grass. ​ probably not relevant i was carrying my 3 year old daughter. a house with some big spiders scared her a bit and after that she wanted to be carried until she was pretty close to the door depending on the decorations used. ​ my ex wife said you're not supposed to walk on people's front yards , the ones with grass. she generally tells me everything i do in life is wrong.. but even a broken clock is right twice a day (unless its digital ) ​ my current thinking is that grass & astroturf is a functional yard cover , that is meant to be walked on , played on, etc. where as xeriscaping yards (stones,gravels,dg) are not meant to be walked on. ​ if i'm an ass, why is it wrong to walk on grass? ​ thanks ​ edit : none of the houses had any signs about keeping off their grass edit 2: xeriscaping edit 3: results are in, yep i'm an asshole. :( i did the living guess its time for the learning | yta | i think yta, but it's not a huge deal. you should be using the walkways that lead to the doorway on people's private property. if it's just one person, it's not a big problem. but when there's 10s of people like you, or more, you're gonna start wearing away at the yard they've been putting upkeep into. not the end of the world, but a little rude imo. | yta, people don't do their landscaping so you can walk all over it. there are pathways for a reason. you can walk, roll, and pee all over the grass on your own property, but you need to respect other people's property. | 20 |
9tb4rg | aita for forgetting my friend's birthday? | so, to provide some additional context: a friend of mine, who i've known for 12 years now, got another year older on the 28th. but i'm terrible at remembering dates, and my awareness of time is so terrible that i regularly forget my own and my family's birthdays. and so, i forgot his this year. as a result, a mutual friend called me an idiot, got mad at me, and hinted at why i'm getting called an idiot. i realized my mistake immediately and sent an apology message along the lines of "i'm terribly sorry!! it completely slipped my mind, but, even if it's late now.. happy birthday!!! again, i'm really sorry!!" that message got ignored for the next 24h, then got a "i know [mutual friend's name] mentioned it to you. if she hadn't, i think you still wouldn't have noticed." as a response. i responded with something like "maybe, but that doesn't change that i'm sorry." before explaining how terrible i am with dates and ending it with something along the lines of "but yeah. i can't do much else but apologize for being an idiot again. so: i'm terribly sorry for being such an idiot." though that message is getting ignored again, so i haven't gotten a reply (yet). | nta | nta. i don't get why people care so much about birthdays. maybe it's because for the past few years something bad has always been going on during my birthday, but i could care less about the day i was born. if you're calling people idiots for forgetting your birthday, you need help. | as you've known this friend 12 years i can safely assume you are at least 16... in which case you are nta, your friend needs to get over themselves. you apologised and they didn't accept it. nothing more you can do. if you missed an event like a dinner or drinks for their birthday then fair enough, but the date itself? lifes to short. if your friend wants to be petty then let them | 5 |
9tb8vq | aita for telling a girl to get back in line | this happened in a class of about 40 people, there were 2 people queuing up to sign the attendance sheet and i was walking 5 feet behind leisurely to queue behind them when suddenly this girl from about 12 feet sprinted and almost pushed me back to get in front of me in line and gave me a disgusting smirk. when it was her turn to sign the attendance sheet however, she didn't have a pen and turned around to ask me for my pen. i told her "i'd be happy to lend you my pen if you didn't cut my queue", moved past her and signed my name on the sheet. she gave me a horrified look and called me a "rude bitch" and later i saw her visibly bitch about me in front of the friends ​ note: i'm 18 and i was from an all boys school till the age of 17, i'm generally always nicer to girls but this really pissed me off. i'm honestly not sure if i am the asshole here. | nta | nta sounds like an entitled little bitch to me bro. you did good 👌🏾 | nta she was being a complete ass. | 71 |
9tbqyt | aita for not keeping my own room clean although i always clean up after myself in shared spaces? | my roommate gives me crap about how messy my room can get during my work week. i work 13-14 hour days 5/7 days of the week so when i get home i just shower then sleep or browse the internet for an hour and then sleep. doing this results in my clothes piling up on the floor on my room and general trash like empty cups from tea places that i go to or a take out bag from my work. my roommate has commented multiple times that my room is a mess and i need to clean it up. we were friends that ended up needing a place to live in a similar area and we aren't that bad in terms of housemates. i always clean up after myself after using the kitchen, restroom, or living room since that's what i believe is right but when it comes to my own room i feel like 5 shirts on the floor that get's cleaned up on monday doesn't matter much. aita for not really caring about clothes being strewn about my own room? | nta | nta. your roommate has no jurisdiction over your private space. it’d be one thing if he focused on the food/beverage containers as that could invite unwelcome creepy crawlies. but still you’re nta. | nta, not everyone is a clean and tidy person. i’m the same way, i feel like my room is my space and as long as it isn’t harming anything (attracting vermin, spreading outside of my personal space) it’s okay. i usually clean up my room 1-2 a week, but i let empty glasses (from water) and laundry pile up until it’s become too much for me. however, that’s my room, i have no issue cleaning up shared spaces. your roommate should really mind their business. “this is your space, this is your area, she can’t do that to you.” | 3 |
9tbvrp | aita for asking to my roommates in which weekend will they go back to their homes (we are college students) so that i can choose the best day to invite people? | i am a bit uncertain if that’s a think that would sound quite rude, because i‘d basically ask when they get the hell out of the apartment but truth is that i want to feel more free to do what i want and invite how many people i want and not worry about going to sleep early or being loud | nta | nta. you're just being considerate | nra i also have roommate's and it can be hard to plan around them i think that asking when they will be out is only being considerate of their schedules. so ya definitely nta | 11 |
9tc7a0 | aita for cutting off a friend? | bear with me, this is a long story. i should start this off by saying i am a young male who met a young female in college a few years ago, pretty standard. we met at the very end of freshman year, and became fairly close friends, her and some of our friends went out a couple times to grab coffee and talk about life. the next year, she transferred to another college about 40 minutes away and we fell out of touch. about a year later, a friend and i visited her for a weekend but we kind of fell out of touch again after that. fast forward to early this year, she commented on one of my snap stories and we started talking again. she told me about some rough drama she was going through with a shitty ex and her friends who encouraged his manipulative behavior, i’ll spare you the details. i gave her some advice and we started talking again pretty regularly, every day. as for the dynamic between us, i always assumed we were just friends since although i’d consider myself a fairly good looking guy, she was like an 8.5-9/10. i naturally assumed she was out of my league and i wouldn’t have made any moves regardless, considering she just had a messy breakup. but then she started flirting with me. just subtle stuff but i brushed it off since i didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship, and also because of the aforementioned messy breakup. part of the advice i gave to her was that she was better off staying out of a relationship at the moment, because her friends were pressuring her to give another guy a chance, and she said he was a nice guy but she wasn’t ready for another relationship. cue her friends getting mad at her, saying he was nice and he deserved a chance with her and she was being a bitch for shitting on this guy. yeah, not very good friends. anyway, she eventually did end up in a relationship with this guy, and stopped talking to me as much which insulted me, because if were just friends like i thought we were, talking to me shouldn’t be a problem. either way, i stopped messaging back as much too because i didn’t know if her new guy was the jealous type and i didn’t feel like dealing with that. a few months later, which is also a few months ago, she told me that her boyfriend had just been taken to jail for an offense that she wouldn’t tell me. i tried not to pry, all i got out of her was that he could be in there for a long time. she started messaging me daily again, and i started responding again. after another month she told me she was officially breaking up with him since it didn’t look like he was getting out of jail soon. now she was talking to me pretty regularly again i figured we would pick back up and be friends once more, but here’s where everything started to get fucky. she started flirting again, more intensely than before. she would send me snapchats of her trying an outfit on and then zoom in on her ass, and i never really knew what to say to that because i knew she was trying to bait compliments out of me, most of the time i humored her. however, she always did it at the weirdest points. i used to be able to hold a conversation with her just fine, but now every other snapchat would either be a video of her making kissy faces at the camera or just a picture of a plant or some random shit with zero text. like how the hell do i even respond to that? we were just talking about the taj mahal and then you sent me a video of your ass, i have no idea what to say. so i flirted back, figuring that’s what she wanted. every time i would reciprocate though, she would immediately jump back into oh-we’re-just-friends mode. friends don’t send friends close ups of their tits and make kisses at the camera, but what the hell do i know? i started to get tired of this getting yanked around, so i tried inviting her to parties and outings to gauge the situation between us, at this point i didn’t care if we were just friends or something more, i just wanted to know where we stood. every time i invited her somewhere, she would say yes, and then day of she would stop responding until the time frame of going to the event had passed, and then make up some excuse like she got too high and forgot she had plans (you got high and forgot about plans for five hours? okay, whatever). finally, the fifth time i invited her to something, it was dinner with my roommate and i,and she said yes. i told my roommate if she flakes on me one more time that i was done with her, i had been filling him in on the situation and he agreed with my choice. day of food plans, she messages me about dinner, asking if we’re still on. i said yeah, i’ll message you later tonight when we’re getting ready to leave soon. she said cool, sounds great. at 7pm i message her telling her we’re just about ready to go, and she replied that she had to run with a friend to a nearby town and that she would be back in about half an hour, and we can go then. i said that’s fine, as long as we leave before 8pm i can get a decent amount of sleep tonight, since my roommate and i had to get up at 4am for work the next morning. this is where i fucked up, i gave her a time frame. she messaged me at 8:15 saying oh hey, sorry i’ll let you get your sleep, it’s past 8 so i guess we can’t go. i said no, it’s fine, i’ll just have red bull for breakfast, i’m okay with cutting into sleep time to hang out. she didn’t respond for the rest of the night. i told myself screw that, that’s it, i gave her so many chances to hang out and she has made zero effort to remain my friend. i cut her off, and haven’t messaged her since. side note, this may be a fair amount of speculation on my part, but i realized that the reason she became so bad at holding conversations was that all those weird snapchats i got from her mid conversation of her ass or some random object with no text, those were probably just blanket messages that could be mass sent out to a bunch of people. so my thoughts are that i’m definitely not the only guy she’s talking to and she flirts with me just enough to keep me interested before going back into friend mode. a small amount of evidence i have for that is i got tired of her shit for a bit so i stopped messaging her for about two or three days, then out of nowhere she messaged me saying that her and one of our mutual friends agreed they would totally sleep with me (not a threesome, individually before anyone asks). after i messaged her back, she then acted like she never said it and went right back into just friends. i should also add that i haven’t talked to her since she flaked for the last time, i’ve only opened her messages and haven’t responded for about a month. she hasn’t sent me anything asking why we don’t talk anymore, still just pictures of random shit with no text so i feel like she hasn’t even noticed. a part of me tells me that it’s good that i stopped talking to her and it’s the best thing for my own mental health, but there’s still a part of me that thinks i’m the asshole for overanalyzing shit and ruining a friendship. am i the asshole? | nta | i would say nta since it sounds like she's not really a friend to you but rather is just using you to fill the gap between boyfriends. however i have a novel idea, why not tell her she's giving you mixed messages and ask her why. if you're interested in her enough to contemplate dating her but also divested enough to cut her off, you don't have anything to lose. | nta. she was just using you as a backup option in case something better didn’t come along. she’s definitely the asshole in this case. you did the right thing by dropping her like a hot rock. don’t pick her back up again or you’ll get burned. | 8 |
9tci24 | aita for wanting to cut off my friends for lying to me and going on a trip that meant a lot to me without me? | this story starts a few months ago. basically a good friend of mine was going down to parris island, south carolina for marine corps boot camp. i was talking to a mutual friend who said she was going down in 3 months for the graduation. i have wanted to be a marine since i was 6, and was very close to joining before i was medically disqualified. so, she knew how much i loved the marine corps and invited me to come along. a few days ago, she told me that they probably aren't going anymore because her mother is in the hospital and her car wouldn't fit everyone. so basically, she made it sound like the trip was off. she was apologizing, saying how she knew it meant a lot to me, but she just didn't feel right leaving her mom right now. i was more than understanding, was telling her she didn't need to apologize, just making sure she knew it wasn't her fault. when i was getting out of class today, i checked snapchat and on her story, she was in the car with the rest of the people who were going and was saying "roadtrip crew!" ​ i've been friends with the person graduating from bootcamp since 1st grade, while the others have only known her for about 3/4 years. i'm really considering just cutting those who went out of my life because not just did they lie about something they knew meant the world to me, they don't consider me important enough to bring with them. am i an asshole for not wanting to have anything to do with them anymore? | nta | nta. your "friend" was a coward. it seems like she did not want to roadtrip with you and didn't know how to tell you that without hurting your feelings, so she lied and made plans behind your back. mostly, as another poster said, what this tells you is that they don't like you quite as much as you might like them. there could be room for some self-analysis here though. the only reason i can think that someone would want to do this is if the person who wants to come along (you) is really annoying and is going to make the trip less fun for everyone else. i can think of people in my life who seem always underfoot and want to be included in everything i do who i am not especially fond of. when i was much younger, i would try to find creative ways to spare their feelings while not including them in my plans, but as i've gotten older, i've learned that this is just messy and that it's just better for everyone to be honest without being unkind. i'm not saying you are annoying - i don't even know you. i'm just saying, have a think on whether this might be relevant at all. | nta. it’s understandable why that would hurt you so much. i’d confront her just cause you at least deserve an answer, and then based off of that you can make your decision to cut them off or not | 13 |
9td018 | aita for not wanted my girlfriend's parents to leave a car with us in the city? | my girlfriend and i live in denver with another roommate in a duplex, outside of downtown and in a residential area with a lot of street parking. her parents don't live in the continental us, but are currently here vacationing. they want to leave their jeep with us from now until april/may, and just leave it parked on our street. ​ i don't want to have the jeep just parked in front of our place for 4-5 months, and would rather have them rent a place to store it until they come back in the spring. admittedly, on our block there is always parking space, so we wouldn't be fucking our neighbors over and taking up a valuable parking space...but her dad does this all the time. he has two motorcycles in the states--one in a friend's garage and another here in denver in storage that we periodically check on, plus an rv here as well that we do the same for. ​ i'd be ok with this if it was for a few weeks or a month, but i don't want it here for half the year. that is half a year that we have to move it for street cleaning, snow plowing, etc. additionally, we are going to be moving to a new place in january...we don't know where it will be because we are still looking, it will likely be in the same neighborhood with the same parking situation but some of the row homes we are looking at have limits on the number of vehicles per household. he just has shit spread out all over the us with friends and family taking care of all of it, and i feel like he takes advantage of all of us. | nta | no. that's asking a lot. maybe if you needed a car and were going to use it, but just to park it and you be responsible for it? nope. nta | nta. that's a lot of work and responsibility. maybe you can frame it to say you plan on moving and can't guarantee it'll have a spot at the new place. | 2 |
9tdlwn | aita for not giving out candy on halloween? | i just don't feel like getting up every minute for 2-3 hours going to the door. also candy is pretty expensive. i did it one year and counted 150+ kids the last halloween before i ran out of candy. | nta | nta. there is no obligation for you to buy candy and spend your night handing it out to people. | nta. just make sure the porch lights are off. | 9 |
9tdwxn | aita for not overpaying, or paying back my father for a vehicle? | my dad gave me his car to drive for awhile. i want to purchase that car from him at a retail price. he needs 6000 for a loan, but retail value for the car is 4500. at most, it was around 6000 for a really low mileage excellent car. it's not excellent, but it has 60k miles for a 2006 which is pretty low. he wants 6,000 and i agree, but only in words until i got a real estimate. the loan writer said i was getting a bad deal, and he wouldn't write it for 6,000 since it retailed at 4,500. i offer 5,000 to my dad instead - he basically goes ballistic. he begins to bring up cars i had driven in college from him, and how i owed him for that still, and that i owed him value of the car that i had driven over the past year. ​ that might be fair, but there was no expectation of this when i started driving it. i was between jobs, and needed something. now i've fallen in love with the car. i can't really afford much as it is, and spending 1500 over retail scared me. i've actually put a few oil changes in, had it serviced, and detailed thoroughly. not a lot of money, but 600 at least over the last year. in the end he's agreed to 5000, but has continued to guilt me about the cars in the past, and the value lost from me driving it (>5000 miles). ​ aita for not paying 6000? | nta | nta for not taking a bad deal that benefits him. he can either get $5000 or you can find another car within your budget. you've taken care of the car and chipped in for maintenance. if he had expected you to pay him for the cars in college, he should have discussed that when it was relevant. | nta. the car isnt worth 6k, why the hell would you pay that much? the fact you offered to be 5k when its only worth 4.5 is generous, honestly. him guilting you over past cars is rude and manipulative. he's ta | 9 |
9te0gp | aita for wanting to hang out with my ex gf's dad? | i dated a girl for two years. we lived together one. we both exercised a lot and had many things in common. we talked about and agreed on marriage and kids and our future. i always had a great relationship with her family and especially her father. we are very similar and handy individuals. i would get a lot of housework and financial advice from him throughout the relationship. he owned the house we lived in and did not charge us rent. he is a great guy and i feel like i owe a lot of my success to him. i graduated with my bachelor's and started my first "big boy" job. with the commute i was gone anywhere from 10-13 hours a day. i would come home exhausted and plop on the couch. i gained 10-15 lbs in 10 months. occasionally i would help with dinner but for the most part, that fell on her (one of her complaints during the breakup). she was training for a half iron man and was dedicating a lot of time to that (1-3 workouts 7 days a week). we both stopped putting effort into the relationship. when we realized it, i wanted to work things out, she did not want to put any effort into it (her words). a month prior i had asked her dads permission to marry his daughter (he gave his blessing and we both got a little emotional) and i started looking at rings. after the break up, i was so heartbroken i quit my job and moved everything from fl to in back with my family. i really needed the love and support from friends and family. while i was moving out, her dad was visiting. he even helped me move my stuff into the uhual. as i was leaving, he walked me out to my vehicle and we hugged and we both cried a little bit. we agreed to keep in touch. we have emailed a few times and kept in touch like we agreed over the past couple months (breakup was in august '18). in the last email, he let me know he would be dog sitting for my ex during the week i will be visiting fl. i suggested we get dinner and he agreed. i texted my ex to ask her to give the clothes i forgot to her dad so he could bring them to dinner (we have texted periodically since the breakup about nothing important, sometimes she would initiate, sometime me). she went off on me and told me i am not allowed to be friends with her family or her dad. she said "maybe you should consider my feelings before you make plans that violate them". she believes i will create a wedge between her and her dad (she also believes i created a wedge between her and her best friends because i talked to her best friends' husbands during the breakup, (whole other story)). i know she is extra stressed at this time with work, but am i the asshole for wanting to hang out with her dad? | nta | nta. you both clearly want to keep in touch, and in is quite a ways away from fl, so it’s not like you’ll see each other too often anyways. she can’t tell you who you can or can’t be friends with, even if it’s her own dad. | nta. i think you got for yourself a really good friend, your friendship with her dad don't got nothing to do with her. she is being really close minded about that. | 19 |
9tedjw | aita for parking like this? | i thought i parked a little off a few nights ago but was too lazy to check and see. does me not looking make me an asshole? image: https://imgur.com/gallery/8yh6gis edit 2: i did fix it today, i was going to my car anyway when i noticed and snapped a picture before getting in. | yta | you parked shitty and you know it. why not just fix it? yta | yta cause you knew this could inconvenience other people but were to lazy to fix it and so didn't check so you didn't feel obligated. | 4 |
9teiaf | aita for making my customer pay for something small? | i work retail, night shift, at a convenience store/gas station. we happen to carry donuts, though they're provided daily by another company. last night, this customer comes in, and she immediately goes to the donuts, grabs one, and comes to the counter. i'm not that busy at the moment, and she gets there before eating it (not always the case, unfortunately). she digs out a coupon for the donut from her purse. the coupon, i'll quickly mention, is a store coupon linked to our rewards card program. it's only valid for the card holder that the coupon is linked to. which, logically, requires the card to be used to redeem said coupon. so, i ask her for her rewards card, and she says she doesn't have it. i say, "i'm sorry, ma'am, but i need your rewards card to use the coupon, that way if you dropped it in the parking lot, someone else can't use your coupon. she looks at me as if i'm the devil, and says, "really? for a donut? you're going to make me go home and get my card for a donut?" "well, ma'am, you could always pay for the donut, but i'll need the card to use your coupon." -me. "i ain't got no cash." -her "well then i'm sorry, ma'am, there's nothing i can do." -me at this point, she's really looking like she wants to strangle me, and she pushes the donut across the counter. then she says, "you doing a *real* good job, here. you must be proud. over a donut. for real." she then walks out before i finish my response. for what it's worth, i'm sympathetic to her. it sucks to have to go home because you forgot your way to pay for something. and for just one donut, it's probably both frustrating and embarrassing. but the donut shop sends a guy out every night to change the stock, and our store is held accountable if the inventory left is less than it should be according to sales reported. further, i can't just pretend she gave me cash or my register will be short at the end of the night by that amount. the only thing i could do is issue an ics coupon that we're only supposed to use when our equipment isn't working correctly. still, she was so angry, and i can't shake the feeling i was somehow the asshole, here. am i? | nta | nta. she can’t expect you to give her free shot you have to do your job | nta. she should have read her coupon or if she’s used the coupons before -she knew how it worked. what, she expects you to cover her donut cost, even if it’s .50? uhm no. her responsibility to pay for her purchases, want to use a coupon? awesome. we all know there’s always fine print. | 16 |
9tel3c | aita for trying to help my gf out and be an adult? | so my gf went out last night. i was at work and she doesn't get paid till friday so she needed some money. i gave her my debit card which only had 50$ on it bc i swapped to a new bank and my money was all in that account. so i told her before she left and before i was at work to not spend all of it just in case they tried to charge an overdraft if she went below zero. she also had 10$ cash on her. so i text her last night and she says she did good and only bought a few beers and everything was great. awesome i get home and everything is fine . i forgot to get my debit card from her and she leaves for work (in my vehicle). we only have one vehicle at the moment bc hers is afk. so she calls me 5 min down the road and says hey i have no money for lunch. and i say well what happened to the 60$ you had last night? she said i spent it all. so it upsets me and i tell her i don't understand why you would spend it all when i asked you not to. i figured my gf had enough sense to know she would need money for food the next day before work. so i say i feel like you need to be more of an adult and manage the money better that i give you instead of blindly spending it. i'm not a money bank for you to just draw money from. that led to her telling me i'm controlling her and she is sick and tired of me telling her how to live and how to do things. all i do is bitch and complain to her and try and control her. we now are not talking to each other. but we live together so she will have to speak to me eventually. aita for trying to better her life or am i actually just trying to control her? | nta | nta, she needs to learn finances. you were not controlling her life you were just trying to help her out. she obliviously has a spending problem if she could blow cash that fast, so i would be wary in the future. her saying that you are controlling her seems like a guilt trip in my opinion. | nta, she can't drain your money then get mad that you can't give her more to fund her poor financial choices. she made that bed by herself, she can go lay in it. | 6 |
9tezkq | aita for not paying for my friends car wash when i threw up on her car and already cleaned it off? | halloween weekend i went too hard. my friend was driving me home and on the highway i opened the window and threw up outside. because physics, it gone onto the exterior of her car. next day she wakes me up and asks if i can clean it up so it won't damage her paint. i got up, wiped everything i saw off with disinfectant and cleaner. i really was surprised because it wasn't a ton. she texted me a photo the next day and i missed some, so when she got home i cleaned that up too. after that she talks about how nothing is really sanitary unless it goes through a wash and asks me to pay for her car wash. the thing is she had also driven on a gravel road that day and her car was covered in dust. i said no, i cleaned up my mess, and she got angry saying it wasn't really cleaned and it might wreck her paint. am i the asshole and should i pay for the wash? | yta | yta. she did you a solid and took you home. just think of the 8 bucks as your drunk tax. | yta. you puked on her car when she was doing you a favor by driving home. pay for the freaking car wash. | 8 |
9tf83n | aita for getting upset with my so when she cuddles with her gay friend? | some background. i'm a straight guy, she's a straight girl. she's really close with a guy who used to be bi, but is now "strictly gay." i just find it weird and a little creepy that she will cuddle with this guy. i don't know if i'm being irrational and should just let it be or if i being a little upset is normal. she says she's not attracted to him; i'm not scared of him trying to take her from me or anything. i hope i don't come off as homophobic, i just think it's weird for her to cuddle/sleep in the same bed with another dude, regardless his orientation. | nta | nta but you shouldn’t ignore this huge red flag either. i’m more terrified of my wife becoming attached to someone else emotionally than physically. i would rather her come home and say she slept with someone else and not that she fell in love with someone else. i say this to make my bias obvious but the real question here is why can’t she cuddle with you instead? i don’t care about their sexual orientation or gender even- why does your so not understand that cuddling is intimate and this is obviously inappropriate. | nta you are allowed to set reasonable boundaries and i think "don't cuddle with another man in bed" is a very reasonable boundary to set, regardless of sexual orientation. | 11 |
9tfs7l | aita for telling my friend the truth about the video she and her friends were anonymously sent? | okay, so my friend and i are both in our first year of college. she and a few of her friends got a concerning video that was sent to them. it is basically a picture of her and a group of her friends that zooms in on each of their faces. more specifically, their mouths. this is all happening while there is dramatic music playing. her whole friend group is convinced it is some crazy stalker that wants to kill them. it was sent to all of them by an anonymous instagram account. now, at first glance i thought it was a crazy stalker too. but after watching it once, i realized something. first of all, it doesn’t zoom in on all of the faces. only about 5/7 of them. second of all, the faces it zooms in on all have one thing in common... they have no (a very skinny/small/close to nonexistent) top lip. so, i have come to the conclusion that the person who made this is pointing out that all of the “popular” girls don’t have a top lip or something. the video is kind of funny when you know what it is really about. so, after getting tired of hearing about how obsessed people are with them, i told her that it was probably because they were zooming in on their lips. she got kind of mad at me and said she still thinks someone is stalking them or whatever. i just left it at that but now i feel kind of bad for saying anything. am i the asshole for telling her what i believe to be the truth? | nta | nta for telling them, ta for laughing at this. it may not have been malicious, but it's really unsettling to be sent a video of you when you didn't know you were being filmed. | uhm nta haha. super minor thing to worry about. it’s just a video. funny though. | 28 |
9tfud3 | wibta for coming out to my girlfriend? | me and my girlfriend are essentially best friends, and according to her (something that i believe), i'm one of, if not the only source of happiness in her life. a few weeks ago i had the realization that i am gay and i've been stressing immensely recently because i know i can't be in this relationship as a romantic partner. i don't know how i would do it, and i don't even know if i should. i'm scared of losing her as a friend and i don't know if i can go through with breaking up with her. we have mutual friends and i don't want them to turn away from either of us, because over the past year we've all built a great support system and i don't want to ruin that. i'm so scared that coming out would just cause more pain than happiness at this point, and that it'd just be greedy. am i wrong for thinking the way that i am? is it wrong to potentially ruin multiple great friendships just for myself? would i be the asshole if i came out to my girlfriend, and potentially ruined her time at college? | nta | nta. you'd be the asshole if you stayed in a relationship you don't really want to be in. it would be far worse for her to think that your relationship was essentially a lie. | nta - you'd only be the asshole if you led her on now that you know you're gay. also, welcome to club homo. we're fabulous. :) | 4 |
9tgbqv | aita for telling my girlfriend i "wasn't in the mood" to listen to her complain about her day, after she said the same thing to me last night when i tried to initiate sex? | we've been together for two years and things are... okay overall. but we've been having sex less and less (maybe once-twice a month now) and it's starting to get to me. it's not like i want to have sex multiple times per day. i'd be fine with twice a week. but here lately when i try to initiate (she never does) she always has an excuse. i've tried communicating with her that i'm unhappy with this situation but she just brushes it off. ​ so last night i tried to initiate again and was hit with the classic "sorry, i'm really not in the mood." we haven't had sex in three weeks and hearing that really struck a nerve. but i had to get up early today so i just went to bed and didn't say anything. ​ fast forward to this evening, she gets home from her job and upon seeing me immediately goes into a rant about her boss (they don't get along.) i didn't ask her how her day was. i never said anything. it made me feel a bit like a doormat, and i was still angry from last night, so i cut her off and hit her with "sorry, i'm really not in the mood to hear you complain" and left the room. i wasn't lying. ​ well that did not go over well. she's now furious with me and we aren't speaking. i'll admit, maybe i was a bit more antagonistic than i should've been, but it feels really unfair that she can rely on me for emotional support whenever she wants (even when \*i'm\* not in the mood,) but i can't rely on her for my sexual needs. am i being an asshole here? | yta | yta 100%. being in a relationship is being there for your partner. if you legitimately could not handle that discussion at that time, that’s okay, but you need to communicate that without acting like a child. and if your needs aren’t being met, you need to work that out or leave. but you can’t just be a dick to your girlfriend because she won’t fuck you. | yta. it sounds like you have a lot of pent of resentment that could be handled through open, honest, discussion. instead, you decided to be passive aggressive. | 409 |
9tgraa | aita for hitting my husband? | so a few days ago me and my husband got into an argument about politics, he is republican and i'm a democrat so we differ on opinions about abortion, we usually just ignore our political differences but this time the argument was big, eventually he started yelling and mocking me, and in my fit of rage i hit him. it was a closed fist hit to the face, then he ran off and i didn't see him for a few hours, when i did see him he had a small bruise, he called me a bitch and then took his car keys and drove off. i haven't seen him sense, am i the asshole for punching him or is he just being a baby? edit 2: i realise that what i did was wrong, and i'll definitely apologize to him, this was the first time this type of thing ever happened, and i do think we can make up. | yta | anyone who goes to physical aggression is an asshole in my opinion. so yes yta. | yta. he shouldn't have been so childish but you punched your husband for having a different opinion to you. imagine if the roles were reversed and he had punched you, how would you feel? | 71 |
9tgttv | aita for jerking off to pictures of my friends and lying about it to my so? | throwaway because my boyfriend uses reddit i'm 18, male, my former girlfriend was heavily abusive in every conceivable way and left me with quite serious sex and porn addiction. i was finding it hard to satisfy myself and started looking at pictures off twitter of people i knew, exes, friends, and just people i went to school with. i then started dating my current boyfriend (he's trans and has pretty severe dysphoria. i don't know if this is important but i'll say it anyway) although i still had the same issues so i kept doing it. he eventually found out and i told him a pretty blatant lie about how i was keeping the pictures on my phone to make a meme. he barely believed it but it held for two years. two years later he confronted me about it again because for the whole time in between he was silently obsessing about it and it got to be too much so i told him the truth. he told me the worst part was that one of the pictures was of his best friend who he'd internally compared himself to for years. edit 2: i forgot to add an important part of the story in that he found out by snooping in my phone without permission. he did this knowing it bothers me because my abusive girlfriend would do it to control me. | yta | nta for jerking off to pictures of people. it's your imagination. as long as it stays there and doesn't impact your relationship, then you can fantasise about what you want. yta for keeping your spank material on your phone, even after your bf found it. that's just disrespectful and completely unnecessary. in a relationship, you keep it discrete and you don't become too attached to erotic material. i'm ambivalent about the lying and snooping. lying in generally bad, but i don't think blunt honesty is always better. i'd rather my partner lied to me about jerking to my ex, friends or family members. it's not useful information and it will just make me feel bad. snooping is also generally bad, but i also don't buy into this weird rule-set people have made for digital devices. as far as i'm concerned, your phone or computer are like a shoebox in the cupboard. if your partner has a reason to think you've got some bad shit in there, then they're not assholes for looking. | yta for lying, he's the asshole for snooping. nta for jerking off to whatever gets you off, though. | 4 |
9tgu1h | aita [for going off on my cousin for being a completely tactless human being?] | am i the asshole for going off on my cousin? apologies for any grammatical mistakes, i'm so furious that i'm shaking as i'm typing this. a couple days ago my sister's health started to rapidly decline. she went from throwing up to being put into a medically induced coma while she's fighting a severe blood infection. currently shes hooked up to a bunch of machines that are essentially keeping her alive while they pump her full of antibiotics. someone told my cousin this and she preceded to post on facebook that my sister might not make it through the night and she was requesting prayers. i was a little annoyed about this because i know she's obsessed with attention and this was a thinly veiled attempt to get said attention. what really pissed me off was that she decided to link it to my sister's profile, where my sisters kid could see this shit about her mom possibly dying overnight. we had chosen not to tell him yet as the doctors weren't sure what her chances were yet. my nephew ended up finding out via this facebook post, all he had know prevot was that his mom was sick and she was receiving the best care possible. needless to say, he freaked out. once i found out i was furious. this cousin isn't even very close to my sister and she did this shit without even considering how it would effect my nephew not did she clear it with is before posting this. i blew up, i sent her a long message that basically said i was blown away by her sheer lack of tact or foresight. now she's crying and feels like a piece of shit but i honestly don't feel bad for her. am i the asshole here? edited for formatting, typed this on my phone. | nta | nta. if they were actually close i might say otherwise, but the post seems shallow and attention seeking. i hope your sister gets better! | definitely nta. its almost like you wrote this about my family. that was insanely inconsiderate knowing your nephew would see that. she should feel like shit. also i hope your sister is doing better!! | 6 |
9tgy6u | aita? my gf thinks i lied to her over an insignificant comment. | so my gf and i have had some trust issues while in hs (about 2 years ago, we're both two years into uni), but those have all been reconciled with the assumption it wouldn't happen again. ​ we got to different unis so we facetime every night. i was up late, and she was still on the call because i was finishing an assignment. i did not want to stay up late, so i decided that i would finish it in the morning. so i told her that i was done, and she said "oh, you're done already" to which i replied "yes". ​ the next night, i told her that i was tired because i woke up to finish it in the morning, and she said "i thought you said you were done last night" to which i replied "yes, i was done, but i didn't complete the assignment until the morning". this lead to an argument because she considers this lying, and she was clear that she didn't want me to lie to her again. ​ her argument is that i intentionally misrepresented the truth, so it must be a lie. she doesn't like lying at all even if it's about the little things because she believes if someone can lie about little things, someone can lie about big things too. ​ i would argue that i wasn't "intentionally misrepresenting the truth", i was simplifying what happened because i did not think all of the details were worth explaining, and i was tired and did not want to explain. there was no intent of misleading her. i would have just apologized and moved on, but i am frustrated at her reaction. she thinks that i am being ridiculous because i won't admit it is a lie, and that i should know that she honest is very important to her. i think that is it ridiculous that she is this upset over this (saying she's considering breaking up), and that i do not honestly consider it to be a lie. aita? ​ | nta | nta but you should talk with her and explain what really happened. being at a long distance can naturally raise questions. | you’re nta, and i don’t consider what you did to be “lying” either. i’ve done the same thing and communicated poorly when i was exhausted and just didn’t feel like going into detail. i’d apologize for the miscommunication, but i really don’t think it was a lie. either way, talk to your gf about it. this is just such a minor thing to get upset over! hope you guys work it out! let us know how it goes. | 8 |
9tgz1m | aita for telling a girl i’m not into her and not realizing she had a crush on me? | so i started working at subway over the summer and began working with a teen in my grade and she’s cool. we have a lot of fun together at work and she’s my favorite person to work with. however i always thought of her as more of a friend. then one night she said she was mad at me because i didn’t come to a party she had. (mind you i already had made plans and there was drinking and vaping and i’m not about all that) anyways i asked if that was why she was mad and she said it was also because of something else. i kept asking what it was but she wouldn’t say. all she said was that a clue was her snapchat story from 2 days ago. the story was about telling your crush you like them. i put 2 and 2 together and realized that she was mainly mad at me because i didn’t realize she had a crush on me. i felt bad because i didn’t like her in the way she liked me and i figured i should let her know. i told her and i feel like she was kinda upset. aita for telling her this and not realizing that she liked me sooner? | nta | nta. if you dont like someone, you dont like someone, just how things go. its better if youre honest so they can start to get closure and try to move on. as for not realizing, still doesnt make you an asshole, can't expect somoene to be a mind reader. | nta. you did the right thing. she's just upset because it wasn't what she was hoping to hear. she'll just have to get over it. | 6 |
9th1g1 | aita: i pissed off r/lgbt. i'm legitimately just trying to be a better ally. | https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/9taruh/twcan_someone_help_me_understand_trans_please_im now i've been blocked from posting in lgbt and when i responded to the block, i was responded with a message stating i've been muted from messaging the admins. | yta | yta. there are already answers to every question you expressed already out there on the reddit let alone the wider internet. if you needed it explained to you personally you should have posted on a sub like explain like i'm 5. it's not trans people's job to constantly justify and re-explain their life and experience to everyone who comes along and doesn't want to do the work. if everyone did as you did people would have no time for anything but explaining themselves. the real question is: why did you feel you were owed these answers being personally handed to you when you could easily have found them yourself with minimal effort. | yta. read some articles on the internet and stop throwing around the word ally. just be kind to others and respect their beliefs. | 5 |
9th9eq | aita for not going with my gf to the er? | gf has a history of getting uti’s. has one currently. she came back from school with some pain. i told her to call a nurse and ask if she should go in and seek treatment. she did, the nurse said yes go in asap. (suspected it has developed into a bladder/and or kidney infection) it’s 9pm where we live, in a major city so er is not far away. i said i don’t want to go because last time we went in we were there for 10 hours, mostly due to wait time, causing me to miss most our sleep time. we got home at 5am, and that made going to work almost impossible for the day. i feel like it’s not that significant of an issue to warrant me being there that long, as i have to work tomorrow. so she went alone, i feel bad about not being there for her in a time of need, but this situation is not out of the ordinary at this point, and i know she can handle it. obviously i know she wanted me to come for emotional support/help kill time/second opinion and what not... it’s not like we can’t text... tldr: didn’t go with my gf to the er because it’s late and the issue is not that severe and i have to work. sorry for format and typos on cell. am i the asshole? | yta | yta. ‘emotional support’ is different when you have someone there vs. you have them over texts. you knew she wanted you to come along yet chose sleep over her. that does come across as a little fucked. imagine how it might feel is the roles were reversed. | yta. she needs support at a time like this, and as someone with kidney problems i can tell you uti's and ( especially ones that transfer to the kidneys) hurt like a bitch. maybe next time even take two cars and spend a majority of the time there but go home after a little bit. hope she feels better. | 23 |
9thmb8 | aita for asking for fresh rice on my burrito? | the other day my wife and i went to qdoba for lunch. we start ordering and my wife goes first. she takes a majority of the last bits of rice for her burrito and i assume the lady will grab some new rice from the back. i tell her i want my normal order of a burrito and extra rice (i love that shit at qdoba) well, this lady picks up the basically empty rice container and starts to scrape the hard crunchy brownish looking rice onto my burrito. i ask her to stop and ask if there is any fresh rice in the back they could get instead of what she just put on my burrito. she looks at me as if i asked her to strip naked in front of everyone and dance. she says hold on and and asks some guy if she could get new rice. he says yes and disappears into the back. i wait a few awkward minutes just standing in front of this lady while we both wait for this guy to make it. he walks back out to the front and has no new rice and starts doing something else. i assume it's mixing or cooking in the back so i don't ask about it. eventually she asks him where the rice is because i want more. i hear her say i wanted more and tell them frustrated that, "no i don't want anymore, i want different rice." they once again look at me like i'm asking them to go back and start growning the damn rice and harvesting it. he comes back quickly with the rice and she starts to add the new rice on top of the old rice on the burrito. i tell her to stop and to please start over with the new rice as i don't want that old rice on my food. she is obviously frustrated with me after all this. at this point the line has grown fairly big and i'm holding it up asking for just rice. she finally puts the rice on a new burrito, which is literally the first ingredient they put on. another guy working the line takes it from her kinda aggressively and says start taking the orders behind me. we get to the end and pay and my wife tells me i'm being a complete asshole and i should have just taken the first rice. i tell her we only get to eat at this place rarely because we live kinda far away from it and i wanted something fresh. she then starts to tell me i'm still an asshole and i don't understand what it's like to work retail or with customer service type jobs. i end the disagreement with saying the customer should always be right and my request wasn't anything out if the ordinary. am i the asshole? and for anyone who asks or says my wife overreacted, she is super chill, we both have potty mouths, we tell each other like it is, we both are honest with each other and this at all wasn't and argument of any kind. so please don't say she was the asshole or anything. | nta | nta. i work a similar job and it’s not that big of a deal if you’re polite about it. they should’ve had the second pan of rice prepared already anyway. | nta. rice is a pretty basic ingredient, they should have another batch on hand ready and waiting. ​ this just sounds more like shitty service than anything | 3 |
9thuj9 | aita for being unsympathetic about a lost/stolen purse? | several years ago, my then-girlfriend told me a "funny" story she thought i would enjoy. she habitually tried the doors of cars in parking lots, especially if she'd seen something interesting inside. she saw some tapes in one car, and decided she'd steal them for me, because i had a tape deck in my car and she thought it would be romantic. when she got into the car, she realized that it was *my* car, and thought it was so funny and romantic that she was going to steal my tapes to give them to me. i wasn't at all enchanted. i was irritated that she broke into my car, and irritated that she apparently broke into cars on a somewhat regular basis. some months later, she was riding in a mutual friend's truck, and she accidentally lost her purse under one of the seats. she was really worried about it because she'd lost her id, her phone, and a fair amount of money. i told her that i'd take her to get her id replaced and file a report about her stolen property, but that she should also consider her present sense of anxiety and aggravation the next time she felt like breaking into a car. she was really irritated, and didn't speak to me for four days, during which time the friend found her purse under the truck seat. was i an asshole? i think i probably was, but i'm sort of half sorry and half not. either way, it doesn't matter, nobody in this story has spoken to each other in years and years. ** | nta | nta. she’s the asshole for breaking into people’s cars. | nta. who goes around breaking into people's cars and thinks stealing from others is romantic? you were right to call her out on her behavior. | 10 |
9tinrp | aita for wanting some consistent sleep? | i am using a throwaway with no identifying information. i just graduated school and am between jobs. my significant other is the breadwinner of this relationship and is currently working 10 hour days. i have a known sleep disorder brought on by multiple medications and also anxiety. i have a very hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. i have been keeping a bed time and an alarm in the morning so i can stay on some sort of schedule while i look for work. in the mean time, i am keeping up on everything in the household. doing all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and whatnot. my so sets their alarm for 4:30 am and lets it snooze for an hour before they will get out of bed. i usually wake up around this time to pee and then try to go back to sleep while the fog is still kind of over me, so to speak. but i can’t sleep when the alarm goes off every nine minutes. naps are not an option for me. i am trying to be supportive of my so but my sleep is one of those things i take seriously because i know what it’s like to go without. i am currently up at around 5am writing this in a crying rage because i can’t go back to sleep and i’m just so tired. i tried to find compromises with my so and they told me “when you work, i’ll put up with your alarm”. however, i did work for a long time and my alarm was never the problem. so that kind of hurt. aita for wanting my so to find some way to wake up that’s not an hour long affair at 4am so i can stay on my established sleep schedule? | nta | nta. alarm goes off, you get out of bed. maybe let it snooze once. it would be better for them to get the extra hour sleep instead of an hour of hazy snoozing with the alarm anyway. you have a condition, that is more important than them wanting to snooze for an hour. try getting one of these. ​ [https://www.amazon.com/witwatia-pressure-sensitive-alarm-carpet/dp/b01megv61r/ref=sr\_1\_6?ie=utf8&qid=1541155351&sr=8-6&keywords=stand+up+alarm+clock](https://www.amazon.com/witwatia-pressure-sensitive-alarm-carpet/dp/b01megv61r/ref=sr_1_6?ie=utf8&qid=1541155351&sr=8-6&keywords=stand+up+alarm+clock) | nta. jeez who snoozes for an hour everyday. maybe you can sleep on the couch for the last hour if they absolutely don't wanna change? seperate beds? but most importantly talk about it. | 3 |
9tip0k | wibta if i stayed overnight at a friend's without my parents permission? | i'm 20 and i've been going to meet with friends at a furry meet in london for several months, my parents are very scared for my safety all the time, despite the meets being a really safe place, they call me constantly to make sure i'm getting the correct trains and i'm not going to be late and i won't forget things (it's all unnecessary and i've told them that multiple times, i end up ignoring half of their calls because i'm just trying to have fun). i'm high functioning autistic so they are very overprotective of me, i can see that it's all out of love but it's just too much, i've made that clear to them too. i drive myself to the train station and back so my parents don't have to actually do anything at all, they just are always "really worried and can't sleep without knowing i'm safe" despite me coming back at 2am last time and them all being completely asleep. some of my friends are really hot, a few have made it very clear that they want to hook up with me too. i've not stayed around someone's house in years. i really want to do that so my plan is to: go as normal, pack some extra clothes in my bag (i have a big bag anyway to fit in a tail) while i'm there to send them a text saying that i'm staying with someone overnight. when they inevitably call stand my ground, there's nothing that they can do anyway. send them texts so they know where i am a few times. then go home the next day and deal with whatever fallout there is. does that sound reasonable? | nta | nta, you're 20 years old. being autistic doesn't mean you're a child, at all. you're already being too lenient with your parents by entertaining their communication demands. one text letting them know where you are, and that you're okay, should be enough. the whole "they want to hook up with me too" has me pretty concerned, though. | you’re 20 years old. sure they’re always going to worry, that’s what parents do. but they also need to let up. nta. have fun brother | 2 |
9tj2de | aita for calling out my friend for being racist? | the starts at lunch. earlier that day, all of our teachers made us watch a video that discussed the problems of living below the poverty line. it mentioned welfare checks. during lunch, my friend brings it up. i say how i think welfare is good, but some people use it to purchase expensive clothing. my friend (who is very conservative) says “i think that’s a problem because black people spend their welfare on nice shoes.” i call him out immediately saying how incredibly racist that is. he defends himself by saying “well it is true that a lot of black people like nice shoes” i reply by saying other people also like nice shoes. i said that he could have said that certain people who receive welfare spend it on nice shoes, but he opened it up to only black people and assumed that all black people who receive welfare spend it on shoes. during this discussion, the table next to us (which is all black people and one white guy) starts yelling at him for being incredibly racist. the next day, he doesn’t go into school. i get called down into the office to explain what happened, so i did. they said that i did nothing wrong at all. this kid, let’s call him gym, calls me asking why i always challenge his political views. i tell him because if i were to say something very liberal (which i am), would he not argue it? he always gets mad at me when i talk to him about politics, even when he starts the discussion, because i always win because i look up numerous articles. this is not the first time he said something racist around the table as well. aita for calling him out? tldr; i called a friend out for being racist, and the table next to us got mad. he didn’t go to school the next day. | nta | nta, sounds like your "friend" just wants an echo chamber. | nta. it sounds like he doesn’t like to hear any argument that doesn’t fit into his very narrow world-view. people who can’t stand to be corrected aren’t people i enjoy talking with on a regular basis. at the crux of all good debate is an ability to concede a point. furthermore, if he can’t accept that he said something racist, it’s probably because he *is* racist and doesn’t want to be called out on it. | 26 |
9tji7a | aita for hiding my [f17] parent's divorce from my boyfriend [m18] | my boyfriend and i try to stay as honest with each other as we can be. he's really sensitive about people lying to him. he opens up to me about a lot of problems in his life, and he wants me to do the same. however, i've never really had someone in my life outside my family that i open up to and sometimes i instinctively say "i'm okay" when i'm really not. about 4 days ago, my mom told me that her and my dad might split up. i'm really close with both of my parents and this hit me pretty hard, so i've been really devastated lately. my mom made me promise to not say anything about it to anyone, but my boyfriend noticed i was sad. he asked me if something was wrong and i said "i'm fine." yesterday, i told him what happened between my parents and why i was sad. i was expecting him to be a bit upset that i kept the truth from him but overall try to help me during one of the toughest times of my life. instead, he got mad and wouldn't stop saying he can't trust me because i lied to him. i don't think it's fair that he's painting this so black and white, but i didn't want to break the promise i made to my mom. aita? | nta | nta - he is being an unsympathetic asshole and clearly has some control problems as well. | nta for one your mom told you they may spilt up and asked you not to tell plus the fact you just found out and hadn't even started processing what excatly your mom had told you more then likely you where still in a state of shock when you boyfriend asked you. your boyfriend should understand first off its a family matter and just cuz he's open bout his shit don't mean you need to be about yours if he can't understand that or the fact you just found out and instead of being there for you or i don't know showing any sing of empathy towards you situiation ya might want to move on. not saying this happens evertime (hope your parents can work it out but they have their own lives to consider as well) but from what i've seen when parents get divorced or one dies and the kid is in a relationship that relationship don't last. | 2 |
9tjsdd | aita for hooking up with someone at my best friend's birthday party? | (tl;dr at the end) so my best friend, let's call him s. s and i have had a very short relationship thing which ended painfully for me (he said it won't be happening as he saw me more like a sister, even though he told me he loved me not long before) fast forward a few months, we're having a best friends thing going on with occasional sex which is fine by me (even though i still have some feelings left) his birthday is on halloween and i agreed to come. i was very excited about it and he said he was, too, and he was so happy spending time with me for the night (my mother was watching my son so it was possible, which is like a huge deal) he goes on about how his crazy ex (which he obvs has still feelings for, and i have been picking up his pieces after their fights ever since) won't be invited. well they fought and he said he didn't care if she came but she wouldn't be the center of attention for him. i'd never met her before, so i was upset for him inviting her but i just dealt with it. so it's his birthday and she shows up and of course starts flirting and cuddling with him and whatnot and he lets her, she and i kiss (i am bi but that was a dumb idea, he was still fine with it tho) then she drinks too much and he carries her to his bed so she could sleep a bit. well all of the other people except one friend of him had left at this point. so the three of us had a good time, then she woke up and s and her went downstairs to talk. i and the other guy (b) hear both of them crying and fighting quietly so we choose not to interrupt even though i am worried about them. i call down once to ask if they are okay but don't go down because they seem to want privacy. well me and b start talking, we get along well (he is kinda hitting on me) and i'm thinking why not, he is cute. so we kiss for some time and touch each other a bit (in a sexual way) . well we didn't notice but apparently s and his ex were standing and watching for a while. he later told me it hurt him that i was kissing and touching someone on his couch without asking. well s and his ex went down again without us noticing, and after she's left (it's like 4am at this point) he comes up and tells us he's had sex with her downstairs and then sent her home. (she has a child too, and is in the process of getting back together with the father even tho she still loves s, but she's a cheater anyways soo) i was going to sleep at his place anyways and he invited b to stay. so b crashes on the couch and me and s sleep in his bed. in the morning b came to us, we talked for a while and watched videos etc i was touching both of them in a non-sexual way by then (having my hand on his arm, etc) i just like physical contact. apparently s felt it was inappropriate and he felt replaced. aita? i'm not sure about it. i have been there for him almost more than i can handle and i stayed all night even though he basically begged me to attend and then chose to spend it fighting with his crazy ex. (tl;dr: i went to the bday party of my ex, who is now kinda my best friend (he ended it). he invited his crazy ex, they fought and then had sex. he is angry at me for making out with his friend on his couch while they were fighting downstairs for more than an hour.) eta he just called me and told me he'd appreciate me not going in a romantic direction with his friend, the reason being he does see him quite often and he doesn't want a "triangle situation" . i am baffled. as he said we're not together. is it that much of a deal to have a thing going between me and my friend's friend? i am not trusting my judgment here | nta | nta. and might i add, jfc. | nta. tell him he's a hypocrite. | 23 |
9tjxzj | aita for getting upset with customer service? | so, here i am at a store, trying to buy something. unfortunately, since the store seemingly is renovating, things are all over the place. out of the corner of my eye i spot a customer service table, and decide, "hey, let's ask where \*** is". i walk over and see the lady working there. she seems to be on her phone. "ahem, excuse me, but do you happen to know where \*** is?". she doesn't even look up. i thought she might not have heard me, so i tap the desk. she looks up and asks "sorry, what?". i repeat the question, and she hands me what looks to be a brochure and tells me to read it. now keep in mind, this brochure was of the mall, not the store itself. the mall contained many different stores and even a dining area, so obviously this map and list wasn't going to help me. so i ask again, "would you happen to know where \*** is?". she looks up, visibility annoyed, and says, read the brochure. i tell her this is for the mall, she says "just read it, you'll see what you want". at this point, i'm quite annoyed, and frankly, really not happy with her "service". i immediately call her out on it, and asked to see her manager. she immediately told me that i've been rude to her, which is utterly ridiculous. at this point i just decide to leave, arguing with her doesn't get me anywhere, her manager doesn't show up, and we've caused a small scene. my question is, did i act out of line? was i just supposed to behave/respond in a better way? she was not on a business phone or even on a call. she was viewing what looked to be an image board about clothing, which i took to mean she was free. additionally, the brochure contained no information about the current store, but of the mall it was in. a had a list and map of all the stores in the mall complex, but it had nothing useful for my purposes. | nta | is there a possibility she didn’t work for the store you were in, but rather for the mall? eta: nta since no matter who the person was working for, they should put down the phone and interact with customers if they’re behind the customer service desk. | nta and i would even make a complaint to the store. customer service like that is the difference between you shopping there or going elsewhere. | 32 |
9tl0vv | aita for refusing to help cheat on a test? | **tl;dr: i've historically bent over backwards to help my best friend succeed at college, she asks me to help her cheat on an open note test by means of her disability accommodations, i refuse, she gets angry aita?** sorry for the length, not really sure if this much background is necessary, but it does help paint a picture of why she might feel like i might be an asshole for refusing. **background:** my best friend of about 2 years and i have started a masters program together a few months ago. she has narcolepsy and therefore gets accommodations in the form of taking tests alone, flexible assignment due dates, and double time for tests. we went to another university last spring semester to get two prerequisite courses for the masters program done and she did a semester before that to finish off her bachelors. i've spent literally hundreds of hours tutoring her with her homework/studying in all of these classes, a lot of the time literally dictating to her what to write for homework assignments. i have told her in the past that it has been a constant source of frustration that she will look at homework assignments, give up immediately, and wait until i'm helping her to even start. if a test was coming up i would spend almost all my free time with her to study for an entire week before tests (~30-35 hours for the week). she 100% would not have passed these prerequisite courses without me helping her. all this tutoring was ostensibly in exchange for free dinners, but let's be honest, 5 hours of in-home tutoring is not even close to the cost of one dinner. **more (probably pertinent?) background:** furthermore, i've also helped her quite a bit in the past by carpooling to work, i drove both of us every time for about 20 times and she didn't pay for gas. also i did move in and live with her and her boyfriend for 4 months with the expectation that it would be easier for me to help her study throughout the masters program and in exchange i get really cheap rent. i had budgeted enough money to pay for rent and bills for the duration of the masters program so i quit my job with the expectation of relaxing for a month before classes start up (which i told her about months in advance). after about 3 weeks she told me i was impacting her and her boyfriend's sex life and she was tired of me hanging around the house all the time and asked me to leave. since the masters program has started she will usually drive me home (about 5 minutes) from class 3 out of 5 days and i spend way less time helping her with homework. **anyways, back to the point:** in the prerequisite courses to the masters program, she got to take tests alone and had a **very** flexible disability coordinator, he allowed her to take her ipad in to the test and have every test open note (without the professors' knowledge). she started taking pictures of the test questions and would send them to me so that i could answer the questions for her (without the disability coordinator's knowledge). i now think this was a mistake and i really should have shut this behavior down right then, but i just went along with it since it was just prerequisites that i didn't really think were specifically useful to the masters program and i didn't really want to risk getting into the masters program without her. so were in the masters program now and she has to get the professors to sign off on disability paperwork in order for it to be official and take her tests in the testing center where she is timed and proctored. one of the professors forgets to sign and send off the paperwork and she doesn't bother him about it until months later a day or two before the test. so since the professor didn't fill out the paperwork he gives her the 90 minute open note test to take home and an entire day to finish it. she asks me to help her on it (she does give me an out, "idk if you're comfortable helping me with any of this but if you are plz do."), i say no, she texts me "haha ya dick". then about 30 minutes later she starts asking specific questions anyways and i start guiding her to specific slides where she can find the information thinking that it was open note anyways and guiding her to the specific slides to find answers isn't *really* cheating. 45 minutes of this goes by and it's getting to the point that i'm googling stuff for her, highlighting specific text in the slides, and writing out examples so i put an end to it and tell her, "anyways i didn't want to help you, and now i'm helping you. it's not mean-spirited or anything, but since we're in the masters program now i don't want to help you with tests." she responds with, "dude it's taken me over 4 hours to do this test and it even took you and the rest of the class extra time. if you don't want to help me fine, whatever but i don't understand what being in the masters program has to do with it. i'm at a huge disadvantage with all this stuff and it's not like we're competitors. also you know i would do the same for you but i guess that's just because i'm nice and actually care about your success. :| :| :| :| :| :| :|" pretty much the entire class stayed and extra ~20 minutes to finish the test, so time was an issue for this test. also in addition to her disability her dad died a couple months ago and her family is having a hard time with that so that's probably what she's referring to with "all this stuff". so two days pass with no communication. we get our tests back and i get 99% and she gets 98%. i tell her, "see, you didn't need my help anyways" to which she tells me that she's angry with me and she had to go to the professor to get even more time and he held her hand for two hours through all the questions on the test that she couldn't do (which, from seeing what she accomplishes while working independently, was probably all of them). from what i understand she turned the test in the day we got the tests back (she had a total of ~40 hours to complete the test). i then tell her my reasoning that literally nobody wins by helping her cheat on tests. i have to spend my time, she doesn't learn anything, it's unfair to all the other students, and any future employer will have a false perception of her capabilities. to which she responds: who cares?, nobody's going to find out; we'll have to learn all of this again on the job anyways; i have a disability and need this help to succeed (basically her argument seemed to be that she's entitled to cheat because any accommodation she received isn't going to make up for her disability); you have a misguided moral aversion to helping me cheat; accused me of thinking that she isn't worthy of being in this program (since she would not be there without my help); she spends time driving me home, i can spend time helping her with a test. we pretty much left it at agreeing to disagree but she still thinks i'm being an asshole. **conclusion:** am i the asshole here? i admit maybe i've been enabling this kind of behavior from her by helping her so much with schoolwork and setting a precedent by helping her on previous tests, but i've since changed my mind and now feel like cheating on tests is going too far. i did genuinely try to teach her, but it just grinds me down after hours of trying and failing to get her to understand a topic and we get to the point where she just goes: 'look, this needs to get done and we have like 30 minutes left, can you just tell me what to do?' and at that point i'm just too tired to bother arguing about it. **it gets a bit ranty down here:** i admit i may be a bit bitter still about being kicked out after she seemed so enthusiastic about me living at her place long term and kicking me out under such stupid circumstances too. it also doesn't help that she has been constantly complaining about how little time she has to study or do homework despite the fact she has no job and her boyfriend does all the housework and pays all the bills. meanwhile i have to get a part time job (~12 hours/week) to pay the bills because she kicked me out and live by myself and still have so much time to waste i've picked up a time-consuming hobby since starting this masters program just to keep from getting bored. it kind of does bother me that i have never once held any of the massive amount of work i do for her against her in order to get her to do stuff for me, but then she offers to drives me 5 minutes home in the direction she was going anyways (which i've told her i appreciate, but i am far from needing) and now she's taken whatever that's worth and implying that kind of stuff is in exchange for helping her on the test. i feel like i'm almost at my wit's end with her. i've told her a couple times before the masters program started that i cannot and will not carry her through the masters program. i sincerely didn't mind so much when it was simpler courses but now that we're in some pretty difficult courses it has gotten extremely stressful for me when i have to do her homework for her and she ***clearly*** does not understand almost anything from the classes and no matter how i try to explain things or how many times i tell her things she just does not understand or remember. and i get this is part of her disability, **i get it**, but i feel like she really needs to do some soul searching because after ~6 years of college and ~24 years in the education system she should have figured out how to effectively learn with her disability by this point. furthermore, this masters program is basically tailored to a specific career and what we learn in this program is very similar to on-the-job duties and as such i feel like if she graduates she will be vastly unqualified for any employment she finds in this career. also: i'm aware that it does seem that i'm being taken advantage of, but she's pretty much my only rl friend and even if her work ethic at work and in school is literally by far the worst i've ever seen, i do sincerely enjoy being around her so i don't really care. | nta | i’ll be honest. i’m not going to read this entire wall. nta you’re doing more work than is required of a friend | i feel like you’re nta but you did it to yourself by letting her use you. and she’s also manipulating and doesn’t really seem grateful for whatever you do. if i were you, no matter how much she guiltrips you. say that you’re busy, make yourself busy. it’s her problem that she can’t do it after even studying for a masters. yes it’s nothing wrong with helping but it seems like she doesn’t even try and wait for you to feed her with a silverspoon. you’ve veen going way out of your way and you seem like a such a nice and caring person. but you’re around a person who doesn’t deserve you that way. and if she say «you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to etc.» then answer: okay and turn of notifications from her. whenever she says «ahhaha you dick» then don’t answer. if she confronts you with it then give excuses. use her words agains her (that she said that you don’t really have to do it). say that you don’t have time and you’re busy. you should cut her out of your life. it seems like she doesn’t really do you good in general. friendship should go both ways. and don’t explain that much because she doesn’t really have a right to know why. it’s your personal time and her not trying to work for herself is her problem. not yours. | 0 |
9tl130 | wibta if i dressed in an indian dress for my creative grad shoot? | i'm a senior in university, and one of the features of our graduation photoshoot is a creative shot in addition to our formal picture. it's fairly common practice, and the rule with the creative shot is that anything goes (people have done nude shoots, messy shoots, all sorts. but i digress.). that said, i was thinking of wearing an indian-themed or indian-inspired ethnofusion type dress (not really a full on saree, perhaps something more akin to a punjabi salwar suit) and applying henna on my hands for my creative shot. the thing is, i am a brown-skinned asian, but i am not indian, nor do i have any indian ancestry. however, i spent my formative years in a country wherein i was heavily influenced by indian culture, and it was a norm to see people walking around in that traditional wear. as far as i'm concerned, what i plan to do is nothing but respectful and my way of paying homage to a country that has formed such a big part of my identity as well as the people there who raised me...but i worry that it may be perceived differently by my peers here at home. with the discussion of cultural appropriation being especially fiery nowadays, i'd rather not be accused of that and receive any flak. the picture will be published in our official yearbook, after all. my few close friends who know of me and my background are in support of it, but i am hesitant to even ask our indian family friends of their opinion on the matter as i'm not sure how they will react. so, wibta? | nta | i’d say nta but you really gotta be careful about this. could end up on the news as a racist | i’m indian. nta. most indians in fact love sharing their culture, and the fact you’re doing it as a sort of tribute makes it more acceptable as well. those few loud voices yelling about cultural appropriation don’t speak for most of us. | 2 |
9tl4qm | aita for always giving uber drivers 4 stars? | even if the uber driver is perfectly friendly and a great driver, i find it really hard to justify giving out a 'perfect' rating. you get me? | yta | yta, if you have no legitimate complaints about the ride then give them 5 stars. you clearly have never worked in the service industry a day in your life. | yta because if everyone did that, they'd get suspended from uber for not having a high enough rating. i understand your logic but you do not understand how uber works. it's a shitty system but it is the system. give 5 stars unless there's a problem with your ride. | 29 |
9tl6rt | aita for liking anime | i was just sitting around at the lunch table at school and they were talking about how weebs are trash you know the typical shit when all the sudden "hey anon do you watch anime?" "just the vanilla shit you know one piece, one punch man etc." and now whenever i sit there i get dirty looks and stuff. am i in the bad here? | nta | what? why would you be an asshole for liking anime? you like what you like, it's tv. nta. | nta. you weren't sitting there judging people over their choices in media entertainment. | 0 |
9tl8ff | aita for not driving my co-worker to lunch every time? | this post is deleted this post is deleted this post is deletedthis post is deleted this post is deleted this post is deletedthis post is deleted this post is deleted this post is deletedthis post is deleted this post is deleted this post is deleted | nta | nta. your coworker, however, is a giant one. you've been feeding him for free a couple times a week for how long, and he begrudges you 50 cents worth of gas? tell him he can go buy his own $100 card and drive himself from now on. | nta. if u were letting me eat free everday then i'd drive you, its just fair. your co worker is an ass | 237 |
9tlbal | aita for wanting a hysterectomy? | hi, i have had health problems my entire life, including a bout of cervical cancer that was detected very early and successfully treated with a surgery that preserved my fertility in my early twenties. in september i was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma and am undergoing treatment (because my luck is just that awesome). i was also diagnosed with moderate endometriosis on monday. there are several treatment options, one of which is a hysterectomy. this is the treatment option i want to pursue for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it has the highest success rate and after all this chemo i'll probably be sterile anyway. my husband is opposed to this because "we might want to have kids someday" and doesn't want to adopt. i have always been ambivalent at best about having children, and have been both forthcoming and consistent about that for our entire seven year relationship. i won't lie and say that probably 10% of the appeal of a hysterectomy is that i unequivocally do not want to have children with my husband anytime soon, if ever. while i love him more than i can say, he is a combat vet with severe ptsd and a really angry (sometimes kinda scary) drunk. it's getting better, slowly but surely, but i can't think of anything more cruel, irresponsible, or unfair than to bring a child into this environment. aita here? | nta | nta, but maybe stop being “ambivalent” and just unequivocally state that you don’t want children. he may have thought your attitude was one of “maybe later” rather than leaning towards a firm no. | nta. get a hysterectomy and either marital counseling to deal with your guy’s substance abuse and other issues or get out of that toxic situation for good and have a life with someone who wants to be be and stay healthy. you’re i’ll, you can’t be around this kind of shit. | 13 |
9tlbw4 | aita for leaving an average review? | i recently got my car serviced at the dealership and received an email to leave a review. i gave 4/5 stars. my reasoning for the 4 stars was that the diagnosis was accurate and the service was good. however, i took off one star because in the time i was waiting, i had to use the restroom urgently, but couldn't find a mens room. there was only a womans restroom and an occupied all-gender restroom, so i ended up waiting ~20 min for someone to come out of the all-gender restroom. in the review i also left a comment where i suggested they make both restrooms all-gender rather than eliminating the men's room. i later received a condescending email from the gm of the dealership apologizing for me "being offended by change" and that he grew up in an era where men were courteous to women and that was his thought process when implementing the law required all-gender restroom. he also sent me a link to edit my review and basically told me that i could change the review if i wanted to, so i went back and changed it from 4/5 to 3/5 and also added that the gm was condescending. was i an asshole to do that? | nta | nta. they could have easily made another restroom. or like you said make both restrooms for everyone. i would have given them 1 star honestly. especially after his response. as i customer do i care about his morals or my needs? i understand telling you why it's that way but hinting or trying to get you to put a better review or saying your offended by change is ridiculous | nta. customer service gets mad at your rather than accepting your feed back. | 208 |
9tlj32 | aita for refusing to name room after foreign name that sounds like an offensive phrase? | we recently moved into a new office building, and i was put in charge of coordinating a lot of the new office logistics. one of the things i needed to do was to come up with new names for our different conference rooms. rather than give a boring, generic name (like the aspen room), i decided to turn it into an exciting fundraiser. i said that for every $10 people donated to the make-a-wish foundation, individuals would get a raffle ticket. the winner of the raffle would have the honor of the biggest conference room named after them. (for example, if somebody named james bond won the raffle, we would name it the bond conference room). this ended up being a huge success, and our office raised over $7,000 for the make-a-wish foundation. lots of people were excited about the raffle. the winner of the raffle was a woman who is not native to the us. unfortunately, her last name looks and sounds exactly like an obscene english word that is used to describe a sexual act. (not going to share the name here for obvious reasons, but i can assure you that almost everybody would do a double-take if they saw the name posted in big letters on a door). i took her aside and explained to her that we can't name the conference room after her last name, especially since we often have conservative elderly clients who may be scandalized by the conference room name. she immediately became upset and claimed that i was being racist and a bigot, and that i wasn't accepting of her ethnicity. i offered to name the conference room after her first name (a very common american name), but that just made her even more mad because she thinks i only care about her name sounding american. she's gotten several people in her office on her side, and they are all calling me a racist and giving me dirty looks. i'm overhearing rumblings about starting a safe space in the office to discuss racial prejudices. needless to say, this is starting to get ugly really quickly. am i the asshole in this situation? | yta | have you considered other solutions such as using her full name for the conference room? and/or putting up a plaque/sign near the room name to explain how this conference room was the winner of a make-a-wish foundation fundraiser? i feel like this misunderstanding can be so easily resolved with any potentially "scandalized" clients that you giving her only two choices, generic american name or no name, seems to be yta type of behavior. | i assume you cleared this contest style with superiors in hr/legal/etc.... put her name on the door, just her last name as agreed to in the contest terms, and let your superiors deal with any fallout. yta for your approach to your colleague, but ynta for having the fuk room for all customers to see! also, fwiw, i work for a large company with a lot of names rooms... and honestly i’ve never paid attention to their names unless i’m booking a meeting in our internal system... i really think this naming thing is a non-issue. | 84 |
9tltzu | aita for being heated with my friend because of other things going on? | so, me and a friend were planning on going to a concert a while back, and we were going to take my car because her car wasn’t exactly the best. however, about a week before the concert i got into a really bad accident, totaled my car, and ended up with a concussion. not long after the accident happened i texted her saying “hey we’re gonna need to take your car” because my car currently had a tree sticking out of the rear passenger side. she started complaining because she wasn’t sure her car was gonna make it and i really wasn’t in the mood so i ended up saying “just figure out what the fuck you want to do and get back to me i really don’t want to deal with this right now” to which she responded “look just because you wrecked your car is no reason for you to be an asshole to me” am i really an asshole in this situation? or i guess a better question is was i a justified asshole, because i know i should have been nicer but i really wasn’t in the mood to be nice when my head was pounding. i ended up leaving her on read because i was already nauseous and in pain due to the concussion and i didn’t need to deal with that on top of it. | yta | yta for how you spoke to her. it sucks that your car was totaled and that you're concussed, but it's no excuse for being so rude to someone. you obviously can't drive your car, but you could have not responded instead of being mean. | yta, totally unreasonable response to her concerns. your reasoning that you were having a bad time is bollocks, basically what you’re saying is you were venting your anger at the situation on your friend. | 6 |
9tm00p | aita for complaining about a dog in my building? | for backstory: three years ago i lived in a building with a dog who would snarl and bark and claw and dig at the door every time i walked by with my dog. i didn't say anything because i figured the dog was behind a door. one day we were getting off the elevator and that dog attacked us, and my dog suffered a facial injury and definitely some emotional trauma. now: i recently moved into a new apartment building with my dog. to get out of the building, we have to walk by a corner apartment where another dog lives. immediately after we moved in, each time we walked by the door, the dog would snarl and growl and bark and dig at the door so much so that the door would shake, and my dog would cry as she walked past. it was not barking, which i am fine with. dogs bark, i get it and i really don't care if we are barked at. it sounded like this dog wanted to eat my dog for breakfast, the exact same way that it sounded before she was attacked. i went down to the leasing office after about a week of this and told them my story, and that i just wanted to make them aware that it was happening. i brought them up and we walked past the apartment together and they saw what was happening, and it really scared them too. my understanding is that they called the woman who lives there to tell her about the issue, but otherwise i don't know what was said. they told me to keep track of the dates and times that the snarling and growling and door shaking happens, which i have been doing just in case we would ever have a problem. maybe 3 days later, i saw the woman with her dog and explained to her that it was making me and my dog uncomfortable, and that we were scared because of what was happening. i asked her to help me find some solutions and even offered to pay for a gate to keep the dog away from the door while she was at work. i also offered to do a leashed meet and greet in a neutral place to try to help the situation despite being nervous. i also informed her that my family was a breeder and we were professional trainers, and told her that i was training my dog to walk on the far side of me when we go by the door to try to help the situation. she has been totally furious and rude to me, and completely unwilling to entertain doing anything to help the situation. last night we saw them while we were out on our walk. the woman told me to my face how much she didn't like me, because her dog was not aggressive. i am satisfied based on our meet and greet that the dog is not aggressive in a neutral place, but i am not convinced it is not reactive and won't be aggressive in its own home about its own territory. however, based on what i have seen, i do not intend to lodge another complaint unless the situation escalates beyond growling and snarling. i guess this woman's reaction to my complaint took me aback. i feel like if i got that message that my dog was scaring people while i was at work, i would be trying to figure out why, and what she needed to be happier and work on the problem instead of just being angry that someone complained. i think at best the dog is not getting enough exercise or stimulation, which makes me truthfully sad for the pup. i am wondering if i am the ass hole for complaining at all. ​ tl:dr i complained to my building about a dog barking and growling and snarling and digging and shaking the door every time i walk by and scaring me and my dog. aita? | nta | nta. when i read the title i was readying my pitchfork haha but you are definitely not the asshole. i will say that she is likely being defensive because she is insecure about her ability to train/socialize her dog, because i feel like that when my dog exhibits behaviours i wish i had been better at correcting. it makes me feel like i failed her. but from the very calm description i just read, you seem to have handled this very appropriately and she seems to be reacting in a very harsh and rude manner. if i were you, i wouldn’t worry too much now that the landlords already know- they will hopefully do something about it. if you did decide you wanted to try and work with her again, i would consider trying to come down to her level a bit. not in terms of being rude like she was haha but consider how it could be intimidating for her that your family breeds and trains dogs, and your dog is so well behaved. it could be embarrassing for her. so i would wager that’s why she is lashing out. hope that makes sense! | nta your dog is like your kid you protect them at any cost! | 5 |
9tmbiw | aita for stealing a textbook? | this happened a few semesters ago, but i've been wondering about it ever since. during finals week, i went to use the restroom, and i noticed someone had hidden a textbook behind the garbage bin. presumable to cheat during their exams. so, since nobody was there, i just put the book in my bag, and brought it home. my reasoning is, the only reason why somebody would leave a textbook near a trash can is: 1) because they wanted to throw it away, which in that case, i have no qualm in taking the book. 2) because they were using it to cheat on their finals.... which honestly, that's on you. don't leave stuff lying on the floor if you don't want people to take it. besides, you really shouldn't be cheating in college, it isn't fair to others who actually bother to put in the effort to study. this wasn't like a basic 101 class textbook, this was a big beefy, 300 level class... so the person cheating, was cheating for a test in their major. and if you have to cheat to pass in your major, then you're in the wrong major (and probably shouldn't even be in college). | yta | yta. your justifications mean nothing. theres every chance it was there for an innocent reason, you just want validation for taking an expensive textbook. dont take stuff that's not yours. its pretty simple. | yta. don't take shit that doesn't belong to you. | 37 |
9tmro1 | aita for holding a long grudge against my mom? | i love my mom. but she has the worst taste in men *ever*. (almost) every one of her past boyfriends we're abusive or cheated on her. and the few nice ones she broke up with. her last ex boyfriend, a really good guy, she left for my stepdad. my stepdad is in debt, emotionally and mentally abusive, grumpy, mean, has a credit score of 583, is extremely quick to anger, obsessively neat and orderly and exact and does routines to the point where there's definitely something wrong there (can't drink out of any other cup, won't sit down if someone is using *his* chair, paces around the house at night in an exact way, gets irrationally angry if anything is out of place). her ex was so sweet, kind to me, and her, and the deer and wild animals that lived near his house like a disney princess. he had an amazing job, didn't come home burnt out, was pretty wealthy, patient, loved all of us, and was just... great. i miss him. i was 6 when she started dating my stepdad, and i repeatedly told her i didn't like him. i remember this over a decade later. she made me come with her to his house, where we did nothing, i had nothing, it was overall boring as shit. she wouldn't let me stay at my grandma's house where we lived. one day, my hamster got very sick. he was definitely going to die while i was gone. she forced me to come with her, even though my grandma said she would love to watch me. so i was dragged into the car and we drove there, while i cried my eyes out because i had to leave my dying pet alone with my grandma. he died over that weekend and i didn't get to hold him in his last moments, instead he died scared and alone. he constantly degrades me, calls me bitch, cunt, asshole, basically all of that. whenever i do something a little wrong, i get screamed at. or if he thinks i did it. if my mom did it, he doesn't yell. my mental health plumetted at 7 the fuck years old because of his constant assholery. the only times he was ever nice to me were the times i tried to kill myself. he's sent me into panic attacks constantly, then screams like a child when i was a child. he's 40+ years older than me. he is... "inexperienced" with kids. youngest child, never had kids, little cousins, nieces or nephews, etc. he treated me like a short adult, not a kid. he also never acknowledged my disability. i'm autistic, and he fought me constantly on it, saying i'm just lazy/stupid/overreacting. ~~how am i overreacting but you screaming at me because there's water on the sink is fine and mature?!??~~ i have a few things wrong with me, including adhd, bipolar, cptsd (from him), etc. my mom has seen all of it. it's not a secret. since i was little i didn't like or trust him. i didn't want him in my life. but she never wavered, just went along with my screaming and crying and begging to stop because i hated him, and ended up marrying him. i know some of you will say "just move out". i'm disabled. i have tried to get a job, every single one i've ever applied to threw out my application or something because half i never even got a call back. i've applied to over 80 places within 20 miles of me. (yes of course i called and they said it was rejected, i asked why they never say why, they say they don't know). my mom calls me selfish for still holding a grudge for it. and they both gang up on me and blame me for everything. my therapist who's heard both sides of the story told my mom that she is/was in the wrong anyway. she also calls me lazy after i do everything for her because she's physically and mentally disabled because i'm tired after going to school for 6 hours dealing with animals and taking care of them for free. tl;dr aita for hating my abusive stepdad who my mom married even though i constantly said i hated him and her seeing the abuse,(i liked her past boyfriend so you can't say that everyone hates their stepparents) blaming my mom, and trying to commit suicide and self harmed multiple times because of him? | nta | nta. your feelings are totally natural. however holding a grudge is not doing you any good. maybe your therapist can give you some ways to cope with this. i wish all the best for you it sounds like a tough position to be in. | nta obviously this is a validation post. doesn’t mean this isn’t a shitty situation. if you don’t mind me asking, what’s your disability! | 13 |
9tmt3i | aita for shouting/swearing back at my parents after a beating? | i am indian, so beating up kids is not a big deal here. i have always been beat up since i was very young and have always been used to it. for context: i am not an academically gifted person, i barely make through exams. today, my father came back from work and shortly after started taunting me, telling me how useless of a person i am, how i won't be able to achieve much in life. this went on for a while, so now i'm irritated and so i go to my room, lock it and just calm down. so my father comes, starts banging the door hard and tells me to open up, so i did. now, he comes in and slaps me around a bit, and leaves. comes in with a screwdriver and starts removing the lock on the door. then, he goes into a rage again, and comes towards me to beat me, again, so i instinctively hold his hand, so he hits me with the screwdriver instead, from the grip side, not the head. this may or may not have been intentional, i doubt it was. anyway, i enter rage mode myself, push him back and start swearing/screaming, more of swearing. this goes on for a few minutes until things calmed down. tl:dr - father hit me with a screwdriver, i scream and swear at him. aita? | nta | nta. and its sad that child abuse is common thing in india. | nta. no one has the right to assault you. sharing genetic code doesn’t magically change that. | 6 |
9tn5is | aita for staying in my home after separation and making wife move out. | married almost 3 years with 2 young children. wife came to me last month wanting a divorce. since she does not work and has been struggling with her anger and dealing with the children, i said i would not feel comfortable leaving the kids with her in the home that i pay for. she’s living with her grandparents, not making much effort to see the kids other than berating me daily to remind me that her part time job doesn’t allow her to see them and trying to make me feel like an asshole for “making her homeless”. both our names are on the house but she has not every paid anything in mortgage. i have the kids 7 nights a week and she constantly wants to try to make me feel like i’m the bad guy when i’m not the one who asked for divorce in the first place. today she started saying that she should be allowed to stay in the house until she can find a full time job and an apartment of her own.. i don’t want to keep the kids from her at all but i do not want to be in the same house as her, she has proven time and time again that she is unable to take care of the kids right now.. just really torn between trying to help the woman that i’ve done everything for during the past 4 years, and trying to stand up for myself and my kids in a situation that i never asked for. sorry if this is dumb or confusing but i’m really messed up over this today. thanks in advance guys. aita? | yta | yta potentially. if their are 2 young children involved your wife has had to give up her career to look after them and sacrifice her career so you can have one. you haven’t been clear and honest about why you have broken up. for all we know, you could have treated her like shit, cheated on her and left her no choice but to leave. it could also be the complete opposite way round and your wife could be the at arsehole. | parental alienation, illegal eviction, thinking you own everything because you "worked" and she was "only" a sahm. yta and i hope you get hit with a hard slap of justice from family court. | 188 |
9tnapa | aita if i start getting angry at my boyfriend when he plays games for too long? | i don’t mind him playing games but when he plays for 2-3 hours i ask him to finish up or stop playing. sometimes he refuses and gets angry at me or stop and is a little bitter about it, and of cause i get angry too... | yta | yta, as long as he works and takes care of his responsibilities first you shouldn't have a problem with it. red dead redemption 2 came out recently so i'm sure a lot of s.o. are having this "problem" hahaha. | nta if it’s because you want to spend time with him. but yta if you just want him to stop for no reason. | 8 |
9tnnbh | wibta for not letting my girlfriend go on a trip overseas with male friends/coworkers? | for a bit of background, i'm 25m and work in it, my girlfriend of 2 years is 24f and works at a museum. we have lived together for the past year-ish and since i make more than her, we split shared bills proportionately by income, which comes out to about 70-30. we have been living below our means and both putting aside $x per month to buy a condo or townhouse together. my girlfriend has a male coworker ("mark") that she knew in college, they worked together on their semester-long capstone project for anthropology and then both ended up getting a job at the same place after graduating, so they are pretty close. i will state for the record that i have no problem with my girlfriend having male friends. she has a lot of friends, both male and female, and is quite the extrovert. about six months ago my girlfriend told me that mark had told her that he and an archaeologist buddy of his were tossing around the idea of going to turkey and asked her if she wanted to come. it didn't sound like a very solid plan, so i just said "oh yeah, that would be fun if we had the money. maybe we can save up and go on a vacation next year." well, fast forward to now, my girlfriend comes to me and tells me that the turkey trip is really happening, it's in two months, mark invited her again and she had saved up enough money to go so she wanted to do it. now that this is suddenly \*real\*, i am a little caught off guard and also pretty sure i don't want my girlfriend going on an international vacation with two men. i'm thinking of telling her not to go based off of how i feel, which is this: \- i don't know these guys very well. i trust her, but have no reason to trust them. \- turkey is a volatile country and not safe to visit, especially for a woman. maybe someday, but not now. \- the money would be much better spent going towards the house. the only reason she has that much "fun money" saved up is because i am paying 70% of the living expenses. \- she doesn't have to go all the way overseas to visit archaeological sites and museums, especially because her career focus is on the americas. \- i just don't think it's appropriate for a girl in a relationship to spend 2 weeks abroad with two guys while her boyfriend sits at home. i really don't want her to do this and i also feel like she went behind my back planning to go on this trip all this time. wibta if i said don't go? | yta | haven't even read the post, but this very title screams yta, who are you to allow your girlfriend to do something or not? if the title said "if i asked my gf not to go" this wouldn't be an issue, but the fact that you think you have the authority to decide such things for your partner says a lot, are you a couple or are you her 'owner'? | yta. a real stick in the mud at that. she didn't do it behind your back, she told you about it ages ago. you just didn't expect her to actually go through with it. you pay 70% of the expenses. so your income is more than twice what she makes, you also get twice the amount of disposable income after the expenses are paid. the cost of this trip was hard for her to save up, but would be peanuts to you. to say she should be putting her own fun money towards your house instead is pretty dick-ish. you both save monthly for it already. like you can afford nice things but she can't. if you want more equality in income with your future spouse, find someone else. i'm sure turkey will be fine if she is well prepared and trusts her guy friends to ensure she stays safe. if you've got issues with her going because she's traveling with two guys, why not propose joining them too and see what she says. you can afford it. | 37 |
9tntwe | aita for ghosting a friend after he allowed an awful message to be sent to my gf. | sorry this is really messy. i’ll try and condense as much as possible. my girlfriend and i have a friend, we’ll call him jim. jim is older than us and recently divorced and since then has been having what can only be described as a mid-life crisis. we both know he’s been down and making bad decisions but we generally only hear about the bad by his housemate and when we see him he says life is good. every time we see him we do try and get him to open up and make sure he’s okay. recently he’s been hanging out with a much younger woman, a ‘model’ who “has a lot of issues” which, fine, who doesn’t? the issue is that a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend suddenly froze and silently showed me her phone and there was a message from jim saying “can’t wait to rape you so bad”. i immediately took a picture of her phone and text jim myself saying “what the fuck is this” and he was very apologetic (to me, weirdly, not my girlfriend) and said it was the girl he was with and that he was furious and she was drunk. we had a brief conversation where i basically let him know that if he wanted to associate with someone who would text that to one of his closest friends - under the guise of it being him - is a real dick person. he then sent me a bunch of messages about how sorry he was and how angry he was at the girl he was with. since then, we’ve kind of distanced ourselves from him. she’s not replied to any of his messages and while i’ve replied to a couple, it’s a very limited interaction. i do know he’s having a hard year or two though and i can’t help but feel bad when he sends texts that are obviously feelers to check were all still okay (group message). am i the asshole for being annoyed at him? i know it wasn’t him who sent the message - so he said - but i don’t feel like it’s really our responsibility to condone the behaviour of someone he repeatedly defends. there have been a few instances with this girl that have left him in a really bad way but he refuses to acknowledge it because, frankly, she’s young and hot and i think he probably likes the attention. | nta | wait, jim was saying he meant to send that to his own girlfriend because he was angry with her and therefore wanted to rape her? am i reading that right? if so, nta. but don't ghost him. tell him you don't want to be friends with someone who would threaten to rape his girlfriend because he's mad at her. ​ | nta. that message is horrific. i'd bet dollars to donuts he sent it which makes him a filthy liar as well as a creep, but even if she sent it, he's defending her so he's just as culpable. you haven't mentioned anything resembling a good enough reason to keep this guy in your lives. | 7 |
9tnwbu | aita for playing music in my living room on friday night | you guys, long story short i'm with bruises on my lips, broken tooth & bleeding from my ear and asking this. my younger brother is staying at my place (over a month now, he's going abroad to study) and sharing the room, which is a little small room for 2 people and tv gaming setup. as typical friday night, i'm having beers with flat mate and playing loud music in living room. my younger brother who does his religious ritual (in balcony outside living room) asks me to reduce speakers volume and i ask him to go in the room to do his thing. he sits in the room and removes the power supply of music speakers twice. i get pissed and ask him to fuck off and all the hell break loose out. major fight happens where younger brother is punching and kicking the shit out of me and i'm just defending myself. he went out of the place after solid 15 minutes of fighting session (one sided because i was just defending, lol) and i'm here with bruises over my face, asking you guys this! | nta | kick him out your place damn. i’m leaving towards nta because the way you worded this it seems like you had the volume at a reasonable level to conform with him but it’s your house you don’t have to do shit for him that’s some bullshit for him to attack you. | nta, your little brother is having a tantrum, did you guys used to fight before? maybe it’s time to learn how to settle arguments in a civil manner. and, by the way you put it, he’s the guest, i’m not sure how it got to the point of that passive aggressive shit of unplugging the power but he seams to be acting like he owns the place. | 3 |
9tnx2l | aita for trying to make my husband contact the owners of frisbees he finds? | my husband got into disc golf about a year ago and has lost and found plenty of discs. however, i noticed today some of the frisbees have names and numbers written in sharpie on the inside. i told my husband that he should text the ones that have contact info on them because they obviously want the disc back. he said nobody calls those numbers and compared it to losing a golf ball and they shouldn’t expect to get it back. i just think it’s dishonest, but he thinks it’s unreasonable for someone to expect a disc back. am i in the wrong here? | nta | nta. writing your number on something implies you’d like to have it back if you lost it. you wouldn’t write your number on your luggage tag or a backpack unless you wanted to get it back, for example. | nta disc golfer here. common courtesy is to at least text. it's not about the cost of the disc... it's about knowing how that disc reacts. as a disc gets worn it flies uniquely compared to a new one. comparing it to golf balls isn't the same. it's more like comparing it to the golf clubs. the discs i've learned are worth way more to me than the cost to replace them with new ones. plus if i return the ones i find maybe others will return the ones i lose. kind of a good will/karma type of thing. | 29 |
9to4ha | aita for not "letting" my husband have his dream job at 25 years old? | we have a new baby and are flat broke. private student loans are going into repayment. $1,100 per month minimum. a few months ago he quit his job (insurance benefits and everything - with a baby at home) to look for something more "fulfilling". and yes, i was pissed. but pissed doesn't fix the problem or pay bills. i am going back to work full time but he wants to use his degree and become a youth pastor again. wonderful for him but he wants me to wait to find permanent work until he knows where that job is gonna be. today i was offered a great teaching job with childcare benefits that would require us to move 45 minutes to a bigger city and about 5 miles from all my family (huge plus support-wise). his mom doesn't want me to take it because he wants a pastor job. aita for telling him to suck it up and work somewhere else because we have a baby and bills and we need to make some money asap? if he finds a church job where i was offered a position that's wonderful! but it might not happen right now. someone else mentioned maybe depression and honestly i think that might be true. i think he needs individual counseling and i've said that for years. i also think we could benefit from marriage counseling as well. our entire 4 year marriage we have seen eye to eye on things and had amazing communication until now. something obviously changed. he's a good man but i think he's lost right now. my heart hurts for him but my anxiety about being able to pay these loans and pay rent is getting bigger and bigger every day. we had a heart to heart last night for over an hour about all this. we are back on the same page and he's encouraged me to take the job. he has no expectations that i'll quit if he's offered something somewhere else. i'm glad we communicated again and talked about this. all that being said, please try and answer without disparaging his career field. i also have a degree from the same bible college so we are on the same page about our beliefs. you can absolutely answer the question without insulting our faith. | nta | nta. he needs to take care of his responsibilities (baby, bills) before he goes for his dream job. baby comes before him and what he wants. he needs to get his priorities straight | nta. if my husband quit his job without talking to me first i would be beyond livid, and we're not broke with a baby. he is in no position to tell you not to take work where you can get it. | 477 |
9toa5s | aita for letting drivers think they can cut in at an off-ramp and then not letting them cut in? | detailed version: when i am driving in heavy traffic, it pisses me off when i am approaching an exit and i queue up in the right lane to exit. undoubtedly, car after car will zip past me in the next lane to my left, and then try to squeeze in right at the exit, like their time is more important than everyone else's time. they saw traffic was backed up. they just zipped past a quarter mile of cars lined up to exit, and squeezed in right at the ramp. so here is the question: aita for leaving room for a car to pull in as i approach the exit ramp, and when someone tries to cut in at the last minute, i quickly close the gap and force them to miss the exit? ​ added for clarification: ​ i'm not talking about a zipper merge situation. i'm talking about a situation like this where there is a clear line of cars in the right lane trying to exit and someone cuts to the front of the line: [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/dkkbfrdwkaerhyh.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/dkkbfrdwkaerhyh.jpg) | yta | yta. i hate when people do this too, but you are literally setting them up for a crash. either leave a space and let them in, or don't. but don't make them think you're going to let them in and then close the gap. everyone is an asshole in this situation. | yta. there are lots of things that piss me off about other peoples' choices on the road, but i don't play games with driving. play a stupid game, win a stupid prize. the fleeting feeling of justice from being petty isn't worth the risk and it won't really make you happier in the end. | 4 |
9toan3 | aita for not crying when my brother died? | when i was ten my brother whom i'd met three times od'd and while i did feel depressed about it, my dad claimed i was a sociopath and said something along the lines of "you cry when i hit you, but not even when your fucking brother died." i legitimately cried when david bowie (whom i've obviously never met) died, but not my own brother. am i an asshole? | nta | nta, not everyone cries when someone dies. your brother was an essential stranger who od'd. david bowie likely had a more significant impact on you, and the world lost someone who had made great contributions. i don't think the same could be said for your brother. i'm sorry for your loss, but you don't need to shed a tear for a stranger because your dad made a person you didn't know. | nta, you were only 10 years old and only met the person three times. why on earth should you have cried? you didn't even know this person. you didn't share many memories or grow up with them. if your dad is being serious, then he is physically and emotionally abusive. your dad is a huge asshole. | 250 |
9toirc | aita for wanting my boyfriend to spend time with me? | he works 12 hours a day with a total 2 hour commute. more often than not its 7 days a week. as soon as he comes home, he fixes his plate and goes to the bedroom where he stays for the rest of the night. he doesn't speak to me. we don't go anywhere or do anything. ever. if he has free time, or makes free time, it's spent with his friends. when i ask him to spend time with me he tells me that i'm "needy" and contolling". it always causes an argument and he tells me i'm an asshole because he works hard and should ve able to do things with his friends. my thing is, if he can spend free time with friends, why not me? | nta | nta, and leave immediately. if you aren’t a priority in his life now, you’ll never be. imagine him as a father. | nta probably time for a serious chat about it, and if no change a break up. :( really hate giving that advice though sometimes its hard to be objective for the next 2 weeks mark down on a calendar on days he does spend time with you and when he spends time with his friends. it should be really telling by the end of that. | 16 |
9tor20 | aita for not wanting to pay $18.50 to my boyfriend for ingredients for a dish i’ll serve at my mother’s memorial? | my mom passed away in june, her memorial is tomorrow. (delay for cooler weather, we are in phoenix, and her birthday is tomorrow.) my ltr boyfriend is unable to attend as he has to work. no worries about that. however, i am organizing the event and hosting it at my house, and tbh, i’m freaking out about it. my stress levels are through the roof. boyfriend understands, asked if he can help. i ask him to pick me up ingredients to make a dish he makes frequently. it’s super good but i’ve never been able to replicate it. he picks up the ingredients, and lets me know this by telling me i “owe him $18.50.” i’m flabbergasted. i don’t see the difference between buying ingredients and bringing a dish yourself and buying ingredients for me to put together. apparently the fact that he won’t actually be there is the difference. he now feels i’m in a bad place financially, not being honest with him, and should have just asked for cash if that’s what i needed. i just think any rational human being, who happened to be my boyfriend, would “donate” $18.50 to this event without thinking twice. neither one of us is hurting for money, by the way. i can’t see his point. i can’t get past it. aita? | nta | nta. it's a sensitive time for you and he's wanting to nitpick over $18.50, he's the asshole. i know it takes a lot of context to make a judgment here because if you usually pay each other back, he may have thought this was no different. but still it seems he lacks a little empathy. makes me wonder if he's the one hurting for money if he's sticking to his guns over $20. could be a lot of things, really, but either way you're not the asshole. | nta, being in a ltr with someone, you'd think sharing money wouldn't be an issue | 291 |
9torcl | aita for breaking things off with a friend? | apologies for length and teenage drama. ​ when i was in high school, i became close friends with a girl (i am female as well), we’ll call her jane. she was an eighth grader/freshman and i was a junior/senior. we met through being in the same instrument section in our high school band (which eighth graders were part of), so we saw each other in that class every day. while we were in school together, our friendship was great. eventually jane confided in me about her relationship with a boy we’ll call richard. he was in the grade below mine and on the surface things seemed great between them. however, she confessed that he was actually a huge jerk and she wasn’t happy, and that she didn’t know if her feelings of discomfort were warranted. naturally, as her friend, i was very concerned and tried to advise her to the best of my ability. i told her to dump him and that her feelings of discomfort were not an overreaction because, from what she told me, things between them seemed very toxic. jane also had a lot of other issues as well (stemming from past events and depression), and as a result wasn’t the most apt at recognizing when a situation wasn’t ideal. ​ so jane broke up with richard, and seemed somewhat happier as a result. jane began coming to me more for advice/comfort. however, not long after she broke up with him, jane told me that she’d gotten back together with richard. i didn’t think that was a good idea, but i wasn’t her mother; it was her life. eventually, they broke up again. jane did not go full no-contact with richard. they kept talking, even when broken up. rinse, repeat. ​ i graduated high school and moved 3 hours away from my hometown for college. combine the distance with the workload and it wasn’t exactly feasible for me to go home every weekend or spare much energy on faraway events outside of school. jane and i messaged each other often over snapchat. i worried a lot about jane. she and richard were very bad for each other. he had even leaked her nudes at one point (which i found out from a friend, not her). eventually i got fed up, and, while i didn’t want to \*not\* be friends with jane, i was also at my wits’ end because my sympathy was running out. i’d told her time and again that richard was bad news and yet she always ended up going back to him. i didn’t want to deal with that drama anymore. when a mutual friend of ours told me that they had gotten back together (she had stopped complaining so much about richard to me) i decided to be less communicative; i didn’t message her quite as often anymore. ​ in hindsight, i'm wondering if i was too concerned about her, too into her business. i wasn't her mother. ​ a week or two later, a different mutual friend (let’s call him ben) messaged me. he was very upset. apparently jane blamed him for how distant i was being. (a pertinent piece of information: ben was my ex-boyfriend, and still in high school.) so i messaged jane, intending to sort things out once and for all. i laid out why i wasn't messaging her quite so frequently anymore: i felt rather used, fed up, and a little hurt because jane kept coming to me for advice and i was doing everything i could for her, but she was consistently blowing it off. thus, i didn’t want to deal so much with her anymore. i stated this in a civil manner; i did not make any negative insinuations about her character. jane, however, thought that i was angry and jealous because apparently ben had feelings for her, and i had somehow found out about it, despite having not talked to ben for over a month prior. she refused to believe me and said some very mean things, deliberately meant to wound. this completely threw me for a loop. she had never before struck me as the kind of person to say such unkind things until that moment. my perception of her changed rather drastically. ​ this happened on christmas eve. i was twisted up in knots. on new years’, she apologized. i accepted. i was eager to be friends again because i missed her, and thus did not address the mean things she said. however, after what she said, things weren’t really the same between us. time passed. i found myself drifting away from her again, and then she blocked me on all social media. i felt guilty, so i apologized to her for being distant. i was trying to save a friendship that had died months prior, on christmas eve. eventually we saw each other again at a band concert i came to, and she messaged me apologizing, and at that point i was just tired. i told her that i just didn’t want to be friends anymore. the matter was finally put to rest. this was eight months ago, in march. ​ however, i have a nagging guilt over the whole situation. this girl had no other confidantes besides me. she couldn’t talk to her mother, her father had passed away, she was pretty depressed and had a number of traumatic things happen to her in the past. she didn’t have many people that she considered close friends. she poured her heart out to me, and i abandoned her. what kind of a friend does that? so, reddit, what do you think? am i the asshole? | nta | nta. if she said things deliberately to wound you, you’re justified in walking away. you accepted her apology and politely ended the friendship, which is sufficient to not be the asshole. you don’t owe her any more. | nta even if a person has had a rough go at light, that doesn't mean you need to be their punching bag. ​ ​ | 7 |
9tosoz | wibta for going back on an agreement to let my friend keep living with me? | i have a little two bedroom house; for all the time i've owned it i've rented out my spare room to lodgers. back in may, my friend asked me if he could move in for the summer because he wanted to move to our town and get a job before moving in with a mutual friend in september. i've tried to avoid living with friends but, as it was just until september, i said it was fine. since he moved in in may, he's been an awful lodger. i'm not going to go into it all here but he is always late with rent, hasn't helped out barely at all since he got here 5 months ago (ie; cleaned the bathroom once, that's it). he's not managed to find anywhere to live with our friend and she's been put off by my experience so doesn't want to live with him anyway. a few days ago, after a while telling me he'd be out by november 1st, he said his backup accommodation had fallen through so could he stay here for a few months more, or until he finds somewhere else to live? i panicked and said yes but, on reflection, i don't think i can cope with any more of this uncertainty - or even living with him, to be honest! wibta if i gave notice and asked him to move out before christmas? on the one hand, 6-7 weeks is plenty of notice and he has been an objectively awful lodger, but on the other hand he is my friend and i don't know what he'd do if he couldn't live here. | nta | nta. give him a date that’s fair and tell him to move on before this does irreparable damage to your friendship. | > i don't know what he'd do if he couldn't live here. that part is not your responsibility. but to put your mind at rest, he'll get on craigslist like an adult and find a room somewhere. or he'll get out courchsurfing.com and freeload elsewhere. nta. | 2 |
9tovg9 | aita for not doing my job? | tl;dr, aita for skipping bathrooms when people ignore the "closed for cleaning" sign? i work as a custodian in a dorm building. my main duty is to clean the restrooms daily. i put a "closed for cleaning" sign up and i'm usually in and out of there in 20 minutes or less. my problem is that people constantly ignore the sign and try to use it anyway. if they're just using the toilet i'll wait (even though i find it incredibly rude), but sometimes they go straight to the shower. the cleaning procedure involves spraying the entire bathroom down in a chemical mixture so naturally it's not very safe to have people in and out while i'm cleaning. i've told the same few people multiple times they can't be in there while i'm cleaning for safety reasons and they get a huge attitude with me. cue heavy sighing, eye rolling, time estimates, the works. the last few times someone has come in and tried to use it (obviously before the chemical has been sprayed) i've just walked out and went on to the next bathroom. i know the professional thing to do would be to tell them to leave, or just come back later, so i'm pretty sure i'm the asshole here, but i feel majorly disrespected. i understand that a college student's schedule can be very hectic and maybe they only have a certain time frame to get their showers and stuff in, but the way certain residents treat me for trying to do my job makes me feel justified in just skipping it for the day. i need to know if other people would do the same, or if i'm just being super petty. | nta | i would say nta, but you need to tell them to get out. not for their sake but yours. i'd be worried about being fired for not doing my job thoroughly, even if they are acting bratty. | nta - that's pretty understandable ​ can you wedge the door open ? that my discourage people from using the bathrooms, esp if there's any sort of view into the bathroom with the door open. | 9 |
9towg2 | aita for getting pissed at friends who chose some of their college application essay prompts at random? | first reddit post, so sorry in advance for any formatting gore/lack of clarity/inappropriate post length. i'm a senior in high school, and college application season is well underway. i was recently told that a friend, we'll call her k, decided when applying to a highly regarded public university system to write essays for a random subset of the prompts provided by the application, instead of choosing the ones she could most adequately address. this was unthinkable to someone like me who, like many students in our affluent community, have spent the past four years under pressure to do all we can to get into a top university. it was tantamount to self-sabotage, but i was more amused than angry. eventually i message k on an online group chat asking if she actually rng'ed her essays. she says yes, because "that's the way i like to live my life." to my surprise, another friend i'll call m admits (or brags, depending on how you interpret it) that he did something similar for the same app. i reply, mostly in jest, that the two friends "fucking disgust me," but i don't follow up with anything that would suggest i was joking. m responds by saying that it saves time to just pick at random, while k follows up by telling me that i'm entitled to my opinion but that she doesn't really care. it's their perceived indifference that sets me off. the ensuing argument is basically a revolving door of m continuing to rationalize their behavior ("i'm basically guaranteed to get in anyways so it's fine!"), to me civilly but forcefully explaining why i thought they were severely hurting their chances to save 10 minutes, to k telling me that i need to chill. i conclude by angrily telling them that i intended to work my ass off, and that if they wanted to skimp on something so important, it's their funeral. i think k and m are setting an unfortunate precedent of behavior by being what i think is irresponsible, and that by hurting their applications they are effectively short-selling themselves (both are talented, qualified applicants). but on the flipside, i understand that i'm not responsible for telling other people how to apply to college, that the standards i'm held to don't necessarily apply to others, and that i may be perpetuating the culture that created these standards for me in the first place. i was definitely the aggressor during this whole thing, but am i the asshole? ​ ** have i changed my mind about their approach being unwise? honestly, no, but they deserve an apology and a better friend. | yta | yta. talking with your friends about the situation is one thing, but passing judgements like saying they’re “self-sabotaging” is a bit ott. in the end, you’ll realize that all of this stress you’re under to get into the best university possible isn’t entirely worth it. i’m sure it’s the only thing that people around you are talking about, so it’s natural to be stressed. but just know that in the end, the name of the institution on your degree isn’t going to set you apart from anyone else, it’s what you actually *do* at that institution that people will notice. | yta. let them do what they want. why do you care so much? you're not responsible for them even if they were making dumb decisions, but i'm honestly not so sure they are. maybe they felt they could handle any of the questions. maybe they would've chosen a different random one if they got one they couldn't do. you say they're talented and qualified, so why are you so sure this is a problem? m says it saves time to pick at random. you may or may not see it that way, but i totally get where she's coming from. choosing one to answer can be difficult and sometimes it can save a lot of stress and time if you just pick a random one and go for it. but also, the way you've written this post bothers me. >it was tantamount to self-sabotage, but i was more amused than angry. this comes off as really condescending. calling their decision self-sabotage just because it's not how you would have done it? really? and just. the whole "amused" thing... i'm not feeling well, so forgive me for not articulating this point perfectly, but that's such an asshole thing to say. it sounds like you don't respect them or take them seriously. it sounds like something you would say about young children, not people who are your own age. > it's their perceived indifference that sets me off. why? are you upset because you feel they're not working as hard as you and that it's unfair? do you see them saying that they chose this way as bragging because they got away with what you see as less work? maybe that says a lot more about yourself than it does about them. > to me civilly but forcefully explaining why i thought they were severely hurting their chances to save 10 minutes it's not your place to do this. if they're smart like you say they are, then they understand the importance of this. they also know their own abilities better than you do. the fact that you feel the need to lecture them about how wrong you think they are is pretty shitty. why do you think you're more capable of knowing what's best for them than they are? > i intended to work my ass off who says they won't work their asses off and write an amazing essay anyway? the only thing you're going off of is that they picked an essay prompt at random. perhaps they feel more confident in their abilities than you do. > i think k and m are setting an unfortunate precedent of behavior by being what i think is irresponsible, and that by hurting their applications they are effectively short-selling themselves (both are talented, qualified applicants). i think that's quite a leap. maybe you should slow down, and think about why you feel this way? why don't you respect your friends? why are you so upset that they take a different approach to you? why does this bother you so much? why are you so convinced that they won't get in if they don't pick a prompt carefully? but my biggest question is why they would want to be friends with you, if this is how you treat them. | 16 |
9tp0rd | aita for dismissing guy in my class? | aita. so a guy in my class (community college) immediately attached himself to me. i was a bit surprised but open to making a new friend. however during that first class he talked constantly and made some slightly rude comments about the teacher so i decided to sit elsewhere in the future. when he saw that i didn’t sit next to him he moved his things to be near me. this happened several times. after only knowing him for about 4 days he made ‘jokes’ about torture and how it’s always the people who seem nice that turn out to be violent. this multiplied my discomfort. i now sit at a full table closest to the professor and he still comes to talk to me almost every day and thankfully hasn’t said anything else about violence since. i always answer when he talks to me but don’t really encourage further conversation. after some more observation i realized that he most likely has some form of autism and can’t really help his bad social interactions. part of me feels bad like i should try to engage more because no one else in class talks to him and he has kind of chosen me to be his friend . and the other part of me (most of me) just really wants to get away. aita for dismissing someone who probably just really wants friends? | nta | nta. you’re not obligated to be his friend, doesn’t matter what disorder he might have. also the title makes it sound like you’re a professor and you dismissed someone from your class. | nta, if you are uncomfortable then you are uncomfortable. no matter if he has some sort of condition. its unfortunate, yeah, but that doesnt invalidate your feelings. | 39 |
9tpmgt | aita for not picking up a hitchhiker? | i was driving along in utah (from moki dugway towards hanksville) and if anyone hasn’t driven there, it’s basically an endless road and nothing else for 2-3 hours. i didn’t even see any other cars which was eerie, and while the red rock hills around make for a stunning scenic drive, as i was alone i was kind of getting a the hills have eyes vibe. at one point a hitchhiker appeared ahead, put his thumb out then started waving frantically when i didn’t slow down. i put my hand up apologetically but just sped right past and kept going. he didn’t look dodgy, had a lot of camping gear and i’m guessing he was just someone who was out camping/exploring in that area. i do like to help others normally so i felt a bit guilty as i would probably have been safe (i’m 25m) and potentially made a friend, but ultimately decided to play it safe. there was a ranger station a 30 min drive further on so if he kept walking he would have reached that. am i an asshole for that? what’s the etiquette with hitchhikers these days? | nta | ehh most likely nta. it’s still a risk to pick anyone up, and it was absolutely deserted. the guy had camping gear from your story, so it’s not like he was stranded without shelter | nta. the person could have been a psychopath. these days you can’t be too careful. trust no one. | 19 |
9tps75 | aita for blowing up my friends minecraft creation? | my friend made a roller coaster and i put tnt below him while he was building it and then lit it up and he hasnt spoken to me in a week we are in our 30's btw | yta | yta. come on, not cool of you. your friend is probably over reacting, but it’s still something they clearly cared about. | i’m gonna go out on a limb and say yta. whether it’s minecraft or not, how would you feel if someone blew up a project you were working on? that being said, him not talking to you for a week seems to be dramatic. could there be other issues going on and this was just the “straw that broke the camel’s back”? or is he just *that* into minecraft? | 177 |
9tq44z | aita for blowing off my birth mother? | so for some basic background, i was adopted at birth by my mother and father. i never had an interest in locating my birth parents. a few years ago i used a popular consumer genetic testing service. now with this service it matches you with genetic relatives, who would sometimes message me asking for info since they're trying to make some family tree or something. i would always just say that i have no information for them since i dont know anything about my birth parents. a few months ago i got a message from my birth mother (which the genetic testing service confirmed) who was very polite in reaching out and wanted to make sure i was really her son and if i had any questions. i asked about any diseases i should know about that might run the family i should look out for and she let me know. then she told me i was her only child and wanted to get in touch through facebook, and that *her* mother wants to speak to me as i'm her only grandkid. at that point i just said "i'm not really comfortable with that right now" and there's been no communication since. my parents are making me feel like i did something wrong for blowing her off in so few words and not really leaving the possibility for more of a connection. aita for just straight up denying my birth mothers request, even though i never asked for any sort of relationship? | nta | nta. this sounds like an incredibly emotional situation and it’s entirely understandable that you’d need time to process everything that’s going on. i’d encourage you to have a discussion about it with your parents, if you feel comfortable. you may find that somewhere down the road, you do want to try and get in touch. and they can help you figure out what to say and all of that if that seems intimidating. | nta allowing new people into your life who may be inclined to be pushy and nosy and overly involved even if they are nice is a lot to ask of anyone, and if you're not up for that, i couldn't blame you. | 4 |
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