The key to a successful family holiday lies in not trying to do everything
together, writes Jake Wallis Simons

The seventh circle of hell that is Butlins has released a “study” claiming to provide a formula for a “perfect family day”. I know, spot the irony, right? But although the whole thing is patently absurd, bits of it provide food for thought.

The study, which was carried out by a “leading psychologist”, Dr David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University, had two main findings. The first was that “one in 10 finds that keeping harmony within the family gets in the way of quality time”. I have absolutely no idea what that means.

The second finding, however, made a little more sense. “One in 14 families ends up doing something that NO ONE wants to do”. This was backed up by “evidence” showing that, in the words of Dr Holmes, “it’s clear that families want to spend time together – but the array of personalities and interests in any family dynamic means that there is unlimited potential for people to disagree”.

His solution was to devise a “formula” – (FT+TP) x (TA+NA)-W2/(TE) – in which FT, for instance, stood for “family time”, NA was “number of activities you do together”, and E was “emotional expression (number of times you laugh or hug as a family)”.

But disregarding all that silliness, it is true that, in many cases, what makes family holidays difficult is the decision-making.

I’m writing this from a flat in Paris. Two of my three children are playing happily upstairs; we’re going off exploring later. Meanwhile, my wife is taking my eldest camping.

This is only the second time we have split up for a family holiday. Although I don’t think it is wise as a habitual state of affairs, splitting up occasionally can be a really good idea. For a start, the kids get more attention from a single parent, and a chance to form relationships outside the normal dynamic. But also, when there’s only one adult in charge, the decision-making can become lighter and easier.

My wife tends to be more active than me on holiday; I tend to like leaving a bit more space to just flop about. Together, this combination can work well, as a nice balance can be achieved. But there is always a degree of tension between the two approaches. Going on holiday as a lone parent, therefore, can make quite a nice contrast.

So if there is any lesson from all this, it is that splitting up families on occasion can be a good idea. But I’m not sure we needed Dr Holmes and Butlins to tell us that.