Issue 2

Urbantainment Issue#2
kunjani namhlanje?
this is your editor, DJ MOTSWAKO...THE MIND BEHIND THE MISSION..
black at your ass wit another phat dose of what's going down on the DL...
URBAN.. TAINMENT..
if you don't want to receive this update - tell me! otherwise - read!
another week just flew by, which means what..?
i'm another week closer to PAYDAY.. yesssssss!!!
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VON LYRIC IN YOUR AREA..
darker shadz of phunk has a new addition to la familia.
a sista by the name ej von lyric - according to hamma this is a step
in the right direction. this sista's shit is tight.. like levi's 501 on
an african woman.
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INTERNATIONAHL
The Hollywood Posse is in full effect in Will Smith's spectacular
"Wild, Wild West" video.
A host of celebrities appear in the video, including Stevie Wonder,
Dru Hill, Babyface, Larenz Tate, Jada Pinkett, Selma Hayek and original
"Wild Wild West" rapper Kool Moe Dee. "Wild, Wild, West" the movie will
be hitting theaters(not in S.A) June 30th.
Snoop Dogg is trying hard to recapture the glory of his early days.
He's already got album number 5 in the works. It's gonna be titled
'Snoopafly'. He's gonna get Dr. Dre to do like 85% to 90% of it.
"Take it back home," the rapper revealed. Other producers on the project
are Lauryn Hill, Jay Z and R. Kelly.
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RADIO
now how many of you(those in cape town) checked IN THE MIX on saturday
nite on bush radio??
if you haven't.. dan is djy vaak my gazie.. djy's vas annie slaap
NOW.. FOR DA LAST TIME.. chekkout the radio show from 22:00 to
24:00... DJY SALLIE SPYT WIESIE!!
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GROOVE CITY
MANDOZA - (Mdu from Chiskop) has just released a solo album titled
"925 Zola South" with a lead track - "uZoithola Kanjane"...
absolutely explosive....
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SIGNED AND SEALED
EBOMVU - a new label in Cape Town has had immediate success.
Three demo presentations to SONY...three deals!
- "iNADIFLO" a 3-member (Singing) Kwai-R&B group from Cape Town...
- Bongani Njoli - A Dance Project called "FEEL THE FIRE"...
All DJ's are gonna be spinning this one soon. Should be out by end June.
- KWAITO/JAZZ...a Kwaito-based Jazz/House project that will incorporate
live instruments.This is due for release mid to end July.
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SOME HUMOUR FOR THOSE FACIAL MUSCLES(THAT SAGGED ALL WEEK)
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber,
and asks how much he owes him. The barber says, "Father, you're a holy
man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."
The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are
12 gold coins.
A few days later, a Buddhist monk goes in for a shave
and a shine, and when the time comes to pay the barber says, "No money,
please, you're a spiritual leader, a man of the people, it's on the
house."
The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep are 12 rubies.
The following week a rabbi comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay and
the barber says, "No, Rabbi, you are a learned man, a wise man, I can't
take any money from you, go in peace."
And the next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop
are 12 rabbis.
SOME MORE....
Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking
down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Mint
Imperials.
His dad said, "Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with
your dick?" Johnny said, "No!!"
Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Stimorol. His dad, again, said,
"Can you touch your asshole with your dick?" Johnny said,"No!!"
His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had
talked to Johnny, so he bought him an Ithuba ticket.
Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won R1 000!!!
His dad said,"Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"
Johnny asked,"Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny's dad said.,"As a matter of fact, I can!"
Johnny said,"GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"
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MAD MEN
Ferdinand Isaacs - the funny-looking guy at TopCD at the V&A - and
some of his padnas apparently call themselves THE MADMEN.
They are now event promoters and their first event was a hiphop
gig at Chilli & Lime on wednesday nite. This event was dubbed "the hardest
that hiphop could get"
I popped in and believe it or not.. it was hard... real hard...
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FLIP THE SCRIPT
DJ B-Side has now officially been co-opted onto the DJ squad that be
doing damage at Bistro 2:00 til 3:00 every saturday afternoon.
lookout for him at Purple Turtle with DJ Sinus and Big Dre in June
and July.
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PICKLED AND SPICY
MR PICKLE'S "LOOK-A-LIKE"
SAT 26 JUNE 1999
GRACELAND
NEWMARKET ST. WOODSTOCK
with MOODPHASE 5IVE, deejays LAZY R, READY -D, and UNBEAT
on 4 dex - BONANZA CLONE AND FLETCHER[KRUSHED AND SORTED]
ONLY R20 before 11pm AND R25 thereafter
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WILD WIDE WEB
OK.. for those that have PC's, browsers and dial-up connections..
and for those like dre and reza who live at IC, you might wanna
check out some nice electronic homebrew...
there's rage(www.rage.co.za), hiphop headrush(http://rucus.ru.ac.za/~hed/)
and ikwaito(www.ikwaito.co.za).
you might wanna drop me a line on whether you likes or not..
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BOOGIE DOWN KNIGHTS
Much Darker Promotions at it again - with what is called a "black prom".
boogie down knights is going down TONITE at THE JAM.
This event is what can officially be defined as "THE BOMB".
Those of you who were at the last one will know... nothing but damn good
hiphop in your eardrum - oops... and your iris!
R15 for y'all - R20 for everybody else.
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MASIMBELA
I'm sure not many of you read Tribute Magazine. This month's edition
features TKZEE on the cover. (Mmmm... nice... i hear some of you say.)
After reading the cover story, you'll be so disappinted. The shit is
nothing different from what you've read in y-mag, on the rage site and
the word on the street. man... i mean.. i know more about TKZEE
than what i've just read in Tribute magazine.
they don't even mention that these kids are in the studio right now
recording
an R&B compilation album that will feature Zwai's younger brother.
see.. 'told you i know more..
my guess - sales are dwindling and they needed something to push sales
skyward. sefako nyaka and manda banda..Y'ALL NEED TO CHECK YOURSELVES.
nice pictures from collen sibanda though.. adds life to the tired story.
maybe you should bring back bafana khumalo's column... and soon..
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GET READY TO DO BATTLE
Black Noise has been awarded the rights, by the organisers of the World
Breakdance Championships, to host the 1999 South African National
Championships.
So later this year we're gonna get down with some real b-boying.
So to everybody at Y-magazine that thought "breakdancing"(which is actually
b-boying) went outta style - you should spend more time in cape Town.. and i
don't mean the mount nelson.
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WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET YOUR MIND INTO IS A POEM BY A WELL-KNOWN
SCHOLAR OF SOCIAL DYNAMICS AND "ON THE D.L." PSYCHOLOGY. SOME OF YOU MAY NOT
GRASP THE CRUX- OR EVEN PAY MUCH ATTENTION; MANY WILL DISMISS IT AS "KAK".
I, ON THE OTHER HAND, AM SURE THAT SOME OF YOU WILL GET A GRIP ON THE
SUBJECT
MATTER, HENCE MY INCLUDING THE ENTIRE POEM - NOT JUST AN EXCERPT.
BLAME IT ON MLAU
Just blame all the shit on Mlau,
They were the ones who let the Dutch into South Africa, who in turn threw
the sub-continent into bondage and terror.
Blame it on him who murdered the feared Portuguese slaver Alhemeida here in
Cape Town and allowed that Jan "Die Skelm" Van Riebeeck to set up house and
home in the old South Africa.
Blame Ashumatsu or Herry die Hottentot for selling out to the Dutch. Also
blame this Mlau for being the first and most infamous political prisoner on
Robben Island.
Lets blame Mary "Die Hottentot" De La Qwelarie for opening her legs and
allowing Van Riebeeck to inseminate her and bear his bastard children. So
too blame "Saartjie Baartman" for exposing her delicious set of delectable
dripping labia to Europeans.
We'll blame Mlau for having verbal intercourse with the Nguni and leaving
behind a legacy of clicks and clucks in "THEIR" clickless and today, click
like Miriam Makeba, language.
Oh, enjoy blaming Mlau for being hunted like animals and an entire nation of
clans and sub-clans being decimated and reduced in body, mind and spirit.
Pomped and fucked up into oblivion and non-history by the Dutch, Portuguese,
French and English. Because Mlau deserved it you see.
I want to blame Mlau for intermarrying into the royal Madiba clan of the
Thembu's and producing tall yellow, slit-eyed people looking not unlike
Mandela and another Holomisa and a Yengeni. Blame Mlau for the ancient Xhosa
wedding song, which describes the bride-to-be "Oh, does she not look as
beautiful as a coloured girl". Blame them for being the first South Africans
who engaged in the war of resistance against the onslaught of colonialism.
Blame the Mlau for being wiped out that the brutal process.
Blame them for being cast into slavery more than two hundred years before
even Mqoma, Hintsha, Shaka, Bambatta, Moshehoe and Shaka were born. Blame
the Klopse coons for little understanding of who and what they are, for they
surely know not what they do, they just do from an ancient memory of being
free. But just blame this Mlau.
Blame the Mlau for having been educated in university and supposedly
receiving preferential treatment at the hands of the latter day colonialist
nationalists. Yet there was no university for Mlau to attend until some
bright spark gave him a bush university and a bush education only 30 odd
years ago. Where you were lectured in English but you got Afrikaans
textbooks. Tutored in Afrikaans and were given English textbooks. Yet, yet
the University of Fort Hare situated over 1000 kilometers from Mlau country
is over 100 years old. The mathematics here blames Mlau again.
Blame the Mlau for being the world's biggest drunkards, child molesters,
wife beaters, rapists, petty criminals and mandrax addicts. For being
gangsters like the Americans, Hard Livings, Junky Funky's, Scorpions,
Naughty Boys, Pepsi Kids, Clever Kids, Half Moon Kids, Junior Mafia, Seven
Steps and Globe gang instead of being Thembu, Mqwati, Hlubi, Dlamini,
Rhadebe, Maduna and Mbhele. Let's just blame that fucking Mlau again.
Blame that Mlau for not being involved in the struggle, at all. Mlau never
left the country in droves to join Umkhoto we sizwe and Apla to fight in
Angloa, Mozambique and South Africa. There was no Trojan horse affair;
Ashley Kriel and no UWC where droves of Mlau were butchered, maimed and
tortured. The UDM and MDM were not created in safe preferentially treated
Mlau neighborhoods like Mitchell's Plain. A Mlau did not design and create
the current ANC logo. Neither did they demonstrate outside Polls Moor Prison
every Sunday demanding the release of Nelson Mandela. And got on their moer
for it. Every Sunday.
Blame Mlau for starting the national fashion of Squatter Camps in places
like Modderdam, Vrygrond, Cafda and Moerdorp in the 60's after they were
donnered out of District Six and Claremont and Retreat and Harfield Village
and Fishoek and Simonstown and Parow and Camps Bay and Sea Point. Blame them
for living in fucked up hovels called schemes like Hanover Park, Valhalla
Park and Parkwood. With street names like Karate Straat, Judo Straat, Akido
Straat and Juijitsu Straat. Fuck the Mlau.
Mlau must be blamed for bringing the art form of Jazz to the rest of the
country. For Abdullah Ibrahim, for Basil Manenberg Coetzee, for Robbie
Jansen for harold Jephta for Chris Schilder and his brood and the Afrika
brood. For Paul Hanmer, Errol Dyers, Mac Mckenzie and Hilton Schilder. For
Oswietie; the Four Sounds, the Golden City Dixies, the African Follies and
the Genuines. Die is mos Mlau. This Mlau must be blamed for Shaun Bartlett
and Bennie McArthy, and Andre Arendse and Errol Arendz. Also blame Basil
DeOliviera, Frankie Brachie, Paul Adams and now Herschel Gibbs. The Mlau
lost the game against Australia not the boere. Breyton Paulse, Cassiem
Jabaar and Chester Williams must be blamed together as Mlau.
This Mlau can be blamed for his funny surnames like January, February,
March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October and November too.
Let's blame 4% of the total fucked up Mlau electorate who voted Mlau into
the Tri-Cameral Parliament in the 70's. And that Mlau's too, who fucked up
and picketed the homes of those Mlau's like Morkel and De La Cruz and got
moered for that again.
It was the Mlau who got blamed for the National party's victory in the
Western Cape, not the vast majority of whites who voted for it. Those Mlau's
who voted for the ANC were fucked up with the rest of the fucked up Mlau's.
Lets not blame the majority of Zulu's who voted for the IFP and who murdered
other Zulu's in '94.
Blame the Mlau for the almighty cock-up we have in '99 in the Western Cape
for almost voting for the ANC. Or have voted in large numbers for the ANC
even though there is no possibility of a better life for Mlau living in
Steenberg and Lavender Hill. No better life in Manenberg and Tafelsig. No
better life in Bishop Lavis and Kreefgat.
Don't blame Africans, for the Mlau are not original Africans see, for voting
DP and NNP. Just blame Mlau. The Mlau is not an African even though his
ancestors are scientifically proven to be the oldest species of humanoids to
be ever discovered. In Africa. He, this Mlau is the last people to be
granted official group rights by the ANC in 1999, five years after the
Venda, Ndebele and Shangaan. Let's blame all the shit on that nice scapegoat
called Mlau.
- BRIAN EBDEN
ED - mail me your opinions on the above - IF YOU DARE!
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IZAKWENZEKA
IMBIZO ENTERTAINMENT STRIKES AGAIN... with...
END OF EXAM SPLASH - KWAITO/R&B/HOUSE on tap
@ NEW CROSS YOUTH CENTRE - 26 JUNE 1999
with DJ MZURA AND DJ MOTSWAKO
TLO BE RE LE DAAR!
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WAT GAT AN?
- with hamme stating on his poster that "hiphop always had a home",
obviously in response to the geto3000 poster which read that"hiphop
has a new home"???
- with dantai fucking off to jo'burg and other places, but not doing any
shows in the muthacity???
- some sick muthafucka went and shot a 3-year old kid thru the head
in mitchell'splain, just because of whose child she is. i don't see
anybody driving up to wilderness and shooting at p.w. botha's kids???
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IN THE PIPELINE
TONITE - BOOGIE DOWN KNIGHTS - hiphop gig @ THE JAM
END OF EXAM SPLASH - with DJ MZURA AND DJ MOTSWAKO - NEW CROSSROADS YOUTH
CENTRE - 26 JUNE 1999
THE MISS TOWNSHIP BEAUTY PAGEANT - COMING TO A TOWNSHIP NEAR YOU.
THE NEXT "MADMEN" EVENT - WATCH THIS SPACE 4 DA DEETZ..
INADIFLO - KWAITO GROUP FROM GUGS - CAPE TOWN - ALBUM DUE OUT SOON
FEEL THE FIRE - BONGANI NJOLI'S DANCE PROJECT
MARY J. BLIGE AND KEITH SWEAT COMING TO SOUTH AFRICA (YOU HEARD IT FROM ME
FIRST)
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URBANTAINMENT.. OR... KUYANYIWA MANJE!
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SEND ALL CONTRIBUTIONS, QUESTIONS, SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS TO ME AT
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TALK TO Y'ALL NEXT WEEK
gone
DJ MOTSWAKO
the editor
URBANTAINMENT
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PO BOX 345
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