Datasets:

---

mc-ai

/

counsel-chat-assistant-personas

like 0

Follow

Masterclass 40

[ "There could be many reasons but often people feel validated when they are in a relationship, the need to be in a relationship can be related to a belief of unlovability which often stems from our childhood. The relationship sort of soothes this temporarily and the others interest or desire helps counteract the ingrained belief. There are many questions that may help understand why, how was your relationship with your mother (caregivers)?  How was your childhood etc.? Many people describe having a hole or void they try and fill with material things or people but it only is a temporary fix which usually drives the person to the next relationship, or object in hopes it will be fulfilling but it never is because fulfillment is work we need to do ourselves. This journey involves finding acceptance and love for ourselves. Once we have that we don't need to look elsewhere for fulfillment." ]

[ "At age 17, I think you are old enough to decide which parent you want to stay with full-time. I would gently and lovingly tell your father that you've decided to stay with your mother. You can offer to visit him regularly, if you'd like. Parents often have a hard time letting go and, especially in divorce situations, your dad might feel as though he's \"lost the battle\" if you go live with your mom. He might also feel he's lost you. If your dad is unrelenting and the situation unbearable, you can ask a judge to modify the custody agreement.", "As parents, it's hard not to have \"freak out\" moments when our children are being bullied, stressed, or exhibit other symptoms of teenage angst. We walk a delicate balance of letting go and giving autonomy to our teens get older. Adolescents are learning how to be functional adults and it's important to allow them to try (and sometimes fail) in managing their emotions. Grades are a pretty good indicator of how a student is doing, overall. If your daughter has a 4.0 and there's no pattern of \"crying and freaking out\" I'd offer gentle support and encourage her to find ways to relax when she's stressed. If her grades start to decline and her crying spells become more frequent, a call to a counselor who specializes in teens might be in order. Good luck!", "Sexuality is normally formed during adolescence. It would be extremely rare for someone to develop feelings of same-sex attraction later in life. I would explore whether the attraction you are experiencing is sexually-based or intimacy-based. Perhaps you are craving a close, emotionally intimate relationship with the same-sex, but have somehow sexualized that desire. People often short-cut emotional intimacy for sexual intimacy. This would be something to explore with a counselor.", "I've talked to many teens who frequently sneak out. The question I always ask them is, \"What are you getting from sneaking out that you aren't getting at home?\" Many teens answer they are hooking up, using substances, and engaging in other risky behaviors. As uncomfortable as it might be, I encourage you to talk with your parents or guardians about the reasons why you are sneaking out. What are you getting \"out there\" that you aren't getting at home? A good family counselor can help sort through those issues. Good luck!", "I love to see tears! There's an old saying, \"The eyes are the windows to the soul.\" External emotions are a pretty good indicator of what's going on inside the person, and if tears are present, that often means the person is processing (i.e., moving forward) through their emotions! I'm more concerned when I don't see tears from my clients because that can mean the client is \"stuck.\" So, don't feel bad for crying! You are moving through your emotions to a place of healing!" ]

[ "My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped.", "There are many possible issues to consider as depression  social anxieties, even medical illness.  For some, even grief creates a sense of isolation, pains from relationship break up.  Also, obsessive thinking can be debilitating.  Seeking at least one trusted friend or family member can be a start towards increased personal support.  Some persons may simply feel connected by spending time with someone as this, even if not talking directly on issues, just being around another is positive.  Obviously there is more to explore on this question, given minimal information from two sentences." ]

[ "I first want to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and there is always someone there to help. You can always change your feelings and change your way of thinking by being open to trying to change. You can always make yourself available to learning new things or volunteering so that you can make a purpose for yourself." ]

[ "Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. I wont label this occurrences as \"normal\" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin." ]

[ "I think it's crucial that a person finds the \"right\" therapist. Questions, questions, questions! First I would ask them if they have experience and training in whatever the primary issues are that you are wanting to work on. You want to make sure the therapist has the skills and experience to help you. It's okay to ask \"have you worked with these issues before?\" and \"Can you tell me what methods you use to treat these issues?\" and \"Are the methods you use evidenced-based?\" Then I would ask what expectations the therapist is going to have of you the client. Do they expect you to do homework, come with something to talk about each session, or keep a journal? See if their expectations align with what you are looking for. And lastly, I would schedule a session and \"try out\" the therapist.  See if you feel comfortable and safe.  As for \"training\" your therapist, I would suggest you be the leader of your therapy, ask for what you want, be direct and do hesitate to tell your therapist if you feel you are not getting what you need. They can't read your mind and would likely find that information very valuable. They want you to feel better and to make progress, and if they are going down the wrong path you should let them know.", "Absolutely normal! Therapy should be a place where you can feel safe to explore and express all of your emotions. Some clients may cry easier than others and there is no \"right way\" to do therapy. I have many clients who cry each session. And I have many other clients who cry periodically. And I have others who haven't cried once. Each person is different however therapy should be a place where you feel safe expressing yourself." ]

[ "Chances are your daughter may be feeling a lot of pressure to succeed - even be perfect in these areas of her life. Behind perfectionism is a feeling of shame related to feeling like you won’t measure up or that you’re not good enough. Try using affirmations to separate your daughter’s worth from her achievements. Understanding where the pressure comes from might bring insight into why she stresses. A counselor could certainly help her learn ways of dealing with stress as well as underlying issues that drive her towards perfection.Good luck!", "I think the right therapist will lead you toward answers that work. “Right” simply means they are helping you accomplish your goals for counseling.If I understand the question, training your therapist should really just mean being transparent about what you’re looking for. Most therapists will offer a treatment plan that should let you know the process they are taking to help you meet your goals. If you don’t feel like the treatment plan is what you need, be honest with them and collaborate to come up with a process that better suits you.", "Not just you but everyone is different. Some people need to cry and others don’t." ]

[ "Absolutely not.  Whatever problems you are facing, I promise you there are others out there facing the same problems and counseling can help.  The right therapist is out there.  What is it that bothers you the most right here and right now?  That answer may change from day to day or moment to moment and that's ok too.  As you go through therapy, you may find that as you work on one thing, others seem to be less significant.  Sexual abuse, cancer, and insomnia are in no way insignificant, but each one may be easier to handle as you deal with the others.  For example, reprocessing sexual trauma might improve your sleep, and both may even improve your relationship.  Congratulations on 35 years!Start with small goals.  Remember, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.", "You are not alone.  Lots of people are uncomfortable around other people and especially in large crowds.  In therapy, I would want to know more about your feelings with people you ARE close to such as family, friends, or coworkers, how long you've had these feelings, and if there are times when other people are fine.  Sometimes this type of feeling can be traced to specific experiences and that's where I would start.  Counseling could help you find the root of these feelings and help find ways to cope when you find yourself in a situation where you're around people.", "The short answer is: you may never know.  The only person that really knows is him.  Here are some things to consider.  If you're asking this question, it may be an indicator of the health of the relationship itself.  It wouldn't be a waste of your time to try some relationship counseling.  I don't know where you are in your mind on the relationship, but couples counseling is not only for couples on the brink of separation.  Yes, it can help avoid separation, but it can also help work out issues exactly like you are asking about.  Even a healthy relationship can be taken to the next level with some relational therapy every now and then.", "This is an important question.  The right therapist does not necessarily need to share all of your views, but they do need to share your goals.  I cannot over-stress the importance of setting goals with your therapist.  They may change over time, but you and the therapist should be on the same page.  There is nothing wrong with being upfront about what your needs are, and the therapist should be able to help you do that.  Keep in mind that what you need in the beginning may be different than what you need in the end as you grow and change throughout the course of therapy.", "It is absolutely normal to cry during a therapy session and people do it all the time for a wide variety of reasons.  Often in therapy, you're talking about the heaviest things in your life and the emotions that surface can be beyond your control, so don't try to force it; let it out.  If it is something that you are self-conscious about, bring it up in your next session.  Your therapist should be able to put you at ease.  Therapy is not always easy and sometimes it can be downright gut-wrenching. It's not just you." ]

[ "Thank you for sharing your question.  I imagine it feels overwhelming and discouraging at times if you feel like there are too many issues to address in a counseling session.  I would encourage you to share these concerns with a counselor because a counselor can help you organize the concerns into a list of specific goals.  For example, a list of goals may look similar to this:1.  \"I will learn about the effects of medication on the symptoms of depression and anxiety.\"2.  \"I will learn about the factors that affect insomnia.\"3.  \"I will learn about resources and support groups in my local area to help me cope with my traumatic experiences.\"4.  \"I will practice self-care exercises each day and write about my thoughts and feelings in a journal so I can measure whether or not I\"m making progress.\"This is an example of some of the possible goals a counselor can help you work toward each week.  Working toward a specific goal can lead to a feeling of accomplishment once you've completed it, and this may have a positive impact on your self-esteem.  I hope this information helps, and I wish you all the best!" ]

[ "Of course not. Counseling is a process, whereby you and your therapist will help you create goals- starting with issues that are most pressing and interfering with your daily functioning. When anxiety and daily stress is more manageable then you and your therapist can examine more deep rooted or more chronic issues.", "Reaching out to talk about these issues is an important first step. Finding professional services might be recommended if these issues are happening more and more. A few things to note...Anger is an important secondary feeling to be aware of- it keeps us safe, allows us to stand up for ourselves or others....but it also harbors a myriad of disadvantages. But its secondary. It's more necessary to understand the primary emotions behind the anger- worry, confusion, frustration, fear, loneliness, etc...Anxiety has a lot to do with worrying about the future, especially things that we might not be able to control. If we focus our worry on negative things- mistakes, failures, or messups then we will inherently tell ourselves negative things about ourselves.  People tend to dwell on the negatives without embracing, or as t least recognizing, the positives.", "Counselors do not expect to gain your trust during the first session. Trust is earned and gained through the therapeutic process. You may know you have the right therapist if you feel a lack of judgement or even unconditional positive regard for the choices you make in therapy. Good counselors will keep you accountable for your actions without making you feel ashamed of the choice you made.Counselors already have the training to give you what you need in treatment, and if they don't they are ethically obligated to refer you to a provider that does. That being said, the first few visits with your counselor will be goal oriented- creating realistic and obtainable goals that will allow you and your therapist to see positive change when it is made.", "Yep. Counseling can be very emotional at times. I've recommended to clients, on occation, that they allow themselves the rest of the day off after doing trauma work." ]

[ "Choosing the right therapist is important, Take the time to ask a few questions before setting up the first appointment to determine if you feel it is the right fit. Typically you can tell within the first few minutes of a conversation." ]

[ "Having a good rapport with your therapist is of vital importance. Your therapist should create a space where you feel safe, comfortable, and judgement free. If you are able to build that strong level of comfort with your therapist, you will feel safe to ask for what you need. It is also important to feel empowered to try a new  therapist if you are not feeling connected. As a therapist, we understand that people have different needs that we may not be able to effectively address for whatever reason. But above all, make sure you get what you need for you. You first!!" ]

[ "A great place to start is at www.psychologytoday.com.  You can search by location and identify therapists who have expertise in your area of concern.  Once you find a few people that fit your criteria, read about them on Psychology today as well as check out their website if they have one.  Next, either call or email them to set up a time to talk for a few minutes.  When you speak with them, you want to know a few things: do they have a decent amount of experience in your area of concern?  Are their fees, insurance coverage and scheduling availability a good fit for you?  Most importantly, see if you feel comfortable when you speak to them on the phone!  If this person is a good match in these areas, schedule an initial consultation so that you can see if you are also a good match in person." ]

[ "First, identify the areas that you need help with. What are the issues that are most troubling you? Are these situations creating an impact on your daily routine?Second, do some research as to the type of counselling service you are looking and that would best suit your needs. Are you looking for individual sesssions, couples/family sessions, etc. And research potential therapists in your area that focus their counselling approach on your therapeutic needs. Third, contact the therapist (most don't answer the phones, so leave a message or send an email). Don't be affraid to ask questions. You want to make sure that this professional is a good \"match\" for you and will work with you at working toward your therapeutic goals (the things you want to address/work on during the sessions).Fourth, have the expectation that, depending on the issues, you will need multiple sessions/appointments with the therapist to really address the issues and work toward your therapeutic goals.It takes strength and courage to reach out for help, but I know you can reach your goals. It takes time, patience, and practice do really address your needs. Good luck!" ]

[ "Unfortunately, ptsd is not something that can be cured.  Ptsd can be managed through therapy.  Mindfulness can assist in redirecting thoughts and gaining further control over paranoia. Therapy is confidential and there are different ways you can obtain treatment.  Mental health professional have availability to provide therapy online,  on the phone or in person.", "The are two ways that such anxiety can be dealt with. One is an attempt to replace maladaptive thinking by examining the distorted thinking and resetting the fight-or-flight response with more reasonable, accurate ones. As an example \"I'm scared of spiders.\" But if you change the thinking from being scared to \"I'm bigger than the spider,\" it allows the mind to reach a calmer state of mind. Mindfulness-based therapy can also help  focus on the bodily sensations that arise when you feel anxious. Instead of avoiding or withdrawing from these feelings, remain present and fully experience the symptoms of anxiety. Instead of avoiding distressing thoughts, open up to them in an effort to realize and acknowledge that they are not literally true.Although it may seem counter-intuitive, fully realizing the experience of anxiety enables the release of over identification with negative thoughts. You can practice responding to disruptive thoughts, and letting these thoughts go.By remaining present in the body, you'll learn that the anxiety being experienced is merely a reaction to perceived threats. By positively responding to threatening events instead of being reactive you can overcome an erroneous fight-or-flight response.", "It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. I encourage well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, \"Hey, I noticed something,\" or \"Let me help you be successful.\" By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.When to seek professional help. When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. The vast majority of children who define \"quality time\" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call \"social reciprocity,\" then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company.", "A lot of times it is not about forgiveness but learning from experiences. As an example, as a child we continously fall in an effort to learn how to walk. Then when we begin walking we know we have to put one foot in front of the other in order to move forward. Experiences allow us to grow, find a balance and what to do and what not to do in order to move forward. On the positive side you now know the consequences as for your actions not to take the same course. Forgiveness comes with time as you \"learn how to walk again.\"", "Coming out to family members can cause a lot of anxiety. However,  although I cannot promise what their reaction will be, the benefit is that you will no longer have to hide who you are. Perhaps researching or getting information on bisexuality can help your family understand what it truly is to be bisexual. Many times,  people are just not educated on certain things." ]

[ "It sounds like you fear that you may burden your counselor or you will be too much for them to handle.  That fear is very normal, and that doesn't mean it is true.  It speaks to the fact that you are very human with a multitude of experiences that maybe don't fit into one neat and tidy category; however, it may be worth your time to explore if there is a theme that ties your experiences together (e.g., fear of death, fear of loss, etc.).  When I first see clients, I want to know how they perceive seeing a counselor and the things they fear about the process.  It sounds like you may benefit from voicing and processing through these concerns with a counselor you feel is a good fit for you and your needs.  It's also important to note that you are already a great candidate based on your question: you seem to have interest in seeking help, enough motivation to ask questions about counseling, and courage to put some tough stuff out there (despite anonymity).  Those are all reasons you are already a wonderful fit for counseling!", "Your apartment manager is legally required under federal law to allow the ESA to live with you if you have provided documentation from a licensed therapist.  It does not matter if they have a no-pet policy if you have met these qualifications.You do not need a trained service animal nor do you need a disability for an emotional support animal.  The Fair Housing Act (which has federal jurisdiction) allows you to own an ESA if you have met the right criteria, and it sounds like you do.  Perhaps your apartment manager needs a letter from a therapist instead of a doctor?  Here's the site for more information on this and steps to take: https://esadoctors.com/landlord-emotional-support-animal/Maybe your doctor is credible and can help you continue to fight for yourself.  In the above website, it mentions that if you provide the required documentation and your apartment manager continues to deny you, you can file a complaint with HUD (U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development).I am repeating some of that article content here, but I believe many people in this situation feel pressured to share personal information about their symptoms and circumstances, beyond what is legally required for an ESA.  You never have to share any information apart from the documents your therapist provides to you. I think it's amazing you are trying to stand up for yourself and I wish you all the best!", "I second the suggestion to find a therapist who is trained in Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)!I'll also add that all you describe is very common in PTSD.  Emotionally, it's an exhausting condition and can take a lot of energy from the body.  Depression is a common consequence of PTSD since many people experience functional repercussions (impacts in work, social, and familial settings).   It's not fun to feel constantly terrified.  To search for a therapist trained in what you are dealing with, it could be helpful to specifically search for folks who specialize in treating PTSD.  You can do that through Google searches, or you can also head over to Psychology Today and Therapy Den.  Both sites are therapist directories where you can narrow down the type of therapist you are looking for, as well as other factors like insurance they accept and location.You are on the right track coming here so keep up the search!", "Thanks for reaching out with this important question!To start, I'll say the diagnosis for depression can differ depending on what the context of those markers are.  For example, depression is diagnosed differently if there's a bipolar element or if someone is withdrawing from drugs or alcohol.  It doesn't sound like that's what you're experiencing, but those are just two examples of many.  How that's diagnosed is a process that a therapist is best equipped to do in person with a thorough assessment.  Sometimes we find that depression is subclinical, meaning it doesn't reach the typical level of \"disorder\" (that doesn't mean it's less important or worthy of care).  Most of the time, diagnosis doesn't make a huge difference in treatment, but there are some disorders that need pretty specific modalities and components--for example, people with Bipolar I often need medication to help stabilize symptoms.I'd also say that, more importantly, you know yourself best.  You are clearly trying to make sense of some things you are feeling and maybe how they are connected to some things you've been through.  I can also see you are motivated to feel better!  No matter what others think, your perceptions and experiences are most important.  You get to decide whether or not your circumstances are a lot for you.  Not everyone is built the same and that is certainly impacted by trauma and significant stressors in the developmental years.  It's also not your fault that things are hard.  You didn't ask for, nor did you create, your life experiences.Overall, if you know some of your healing may come from naming what you feel you can absolutely continue to seek out solid information (and maybe that will be with a counselor if that's what you desire).  Kudos to you for asking this question here, too. You are dedicated to yourself whether you see it that way or not!", "I'm going to start by saying that you are definitely feeling something otherwise you wouldn't want to escape or change these feelings of emptiness and nothingness.  That's definitely a good thing--it means you care about how you function and want a more meaningful life.What do you think once filled that emptiness that feels gone now?  Was it people?  Do you feel you've lost interest in things you once enjoyed?  Or do you feel overall numb that seems to have come out of nowhere?  Sometimes our bodies abandon emotion in order to save energy when we feel overly stressed or depressed--it's a self-preservation mechanism.  It could be interesting to explore what used to give you a feeling of \"fullness\" and/or let you feel a range of emotions.  That could mean engaging in things that once gave you joy, or even watching a movie that once made you cry--just a few ways to reconnect with your emotional side.Bottom line is you are concerned enough to ask this question so there's surely emotions happening under the radar.  Working through this can be a process, so make sure you allow yourself to go at a realistic pace.", "That's so tough that you are feeling unheard and unsupported in your marriage.  Depression is already a grueling experience and doing it alone can feel miserable.It's hard to know what will get through to him because I don't know a lot about your dynamic.  Has there been a time in the past he has listened to you?  Does he tend to feel responsible for your emotions, whether or not that pressure comes from you?  Men, by nature, tend to be fixers more so than women.  He may feel as if you are asking him to fix you, when in reality you just want his support.  Could defining what you are looking for help?It sounds like what you really want is to be validated by him.  Sometimes clearly defining your needs can send a message that you aren't out to prove how you feel--you just want your emotions heard. That doesn't mean he will respond the way you want, but voicing your needs is so important in any relationship.The other option here is, of course, marriage therapy.  Men do tend to shy away from this option, but it could help with the communication piece.No matter his responses, keep taking care of you.  You are obviously dedicated to getting your needs met, which is a wonderful way to try to help yourself!", "You can absolutely change that feeling, which is actually a combination of thoughts and feelings.  These types of thoughts are classified as core beliefs because they are typically beliefs about who you are (e.g., I am a bad person, I am unworthy, I am incompetent, etc.).  Shame is a cluster of feelings that accompanies these beliefs (a combination of self-hatred, sadness, disgust, and guilt).  Although you can't make them go away completely, you can definitely shrink them.  These beliefs have actual neural pathways in the brain--the more you travel these pathways, the stronger the belief.  One way to fight these is by creating strengthening neural pathways that lay more dormant, such as beliefs that you are lovable, worthy, and deserve to be alive.  Even if you don't believe these thoughts, thinking them creates competition with the core beliefs you want to change.  The more you travel the new neural pathways, the stronger they will get over time.I understand this can take time and feel really tough to do.  Something you can do to deal with your feelings in a more short-term way is to focus improving your sleep.  As you are probably experiencing, lack of sleep can contribute to worsened depression.  Your primary doctor may be able to help with your specific sleep issues but there are some ways you can work on sleep on your own.  Something you can try is writing down the worries or thoughts you have before you lay down for the night.  This can help the brain to feel less inclined to ruminate as your paper/journal holds the thoughts for you. It also helps to have a nightly routine that stays the same every night.  This tells your brain to start producing chemicals that induce sleep, just like going into a restroom can signal the body to urinate.  If you find yourself lying awake in bed or waking in the night, leave the room and do something calming/relaxing if you are awake for more than 10-15 minutes.  It can be tough to change your body's relationship to sleep, so give it time--it can take a few weeks to really notice changes.One of the best strategies we have for dealing with depressive symptoms is behavioral activation. That could mean socialization, exercise, or anything that gets you doing an activity you wouldn't normally do.  If exercise seems too intimidating or unrealistic, you can just view it as movement--anything that gets you up and moving.  Taking walks outside, gardening, cleaning, etc. can count as movement.  It's easy to surrender to the lack of energy, but that also keeps the cycle of depression alive.Medications can help as well if you feel like you need something beyond what you can do for yourself at the moment.  Antidepressants are great options for depressive symptoms.  Research shows that combining psychotherapy with antidepressants can have really effective outcomes.I'm unsure if your sentence about not contemplating to attempting suicide means you don't feel that way now or that things are moving in that direction.  If they are, make note of your social supports and who you would be willing to reach out to.  If you have someone you are comfortable (enough) to let them know what you are going through, it may be worth your effort to have them plan to check in on you.  You can also contact the Hopeline by texting HOPE to 741741 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.", "That's some tough stuff to be dealing with.  Have you ever tracked those highs and lows?  I often have clients graph out those changes to see what kind of patterns show up.  You obviously are very insightful already and maybe having a visual of what you know can help you prepare for some of those lows.  Another curiosity I have is if you have seen your primary provider about what your body is going through.  It's hard to give individualized recommendations without knowing more about your symptoms, but reaching out to your doctor could be a way to advocate for yourself.  Do you ever feel manic when you have a lot of energy?  How long do the \"highs\" last?  Do your highs interfere with sleep?  And what impact do your lows have on your functioning?  Sometimes I have clients get checked out by a doctor to rule out physical issues that could be underlying the intensity of their symptoms.  PMS definitely fits in this category, but it's always possible there's some other imbalance (e.g., lack of certain vitamins, thyroid dysfunction, etc.).  Your doctor could even help collaborate with you to find some methods to deal with the depression/PMS.With the research we have on hormones and their impact on the body, it's pretty crystal clear that exercise has a huge benefit across all levels of emotional dysregulation.  It has immediate positive impacts in the brain and body, and keeps the body running efficiently.  Same with sleep--it's one of our most underrated functions.  If you think of it like a house, your foundation represents those basic functions.  If your foundation is shaky, it's going to be tough to support the rest of the house.  Exercise is hard to push through, but it's really just those first 10-15 minutes that feel the worst.  And you don't have to start somewhere super intense--even walking is wonderful for the body.Hope this helps a bit!", "Those are really heavy feelings to have, even if you don't meet the cookie-cutter criteria of depression.It seems like you are still pretty young and maybe have recently graduated?  It's normal in the late-teen development phase to have a lot of self-doubt about who you are and what you want in life.  There's so much pressure on people your age to figure out what you are supposed to be doing and it can be easy to criticize and compare yourself.  It's also common to feel like a sense of loss if your high school relationships have changed since going to college.  Maybe these things aren't happening for you, but if they are that's OK.  Many college students experience what you are going through and there are usually campus counseling services at reduced rates for students.  Right now with COVID-19, those may be via telehealth.What are your personal relationships in your life like?  You mention living with your dad--is he a support?  Is anyone else in your family supportive for you?  It's not clear what role your family plays in your life or depression, but it seems like they are noticing some concerns about your behavior.  If it seems like they are highlighting those out of concern, I wonder if they would also want to help you.  That's not always everyone's situation, but there are a lot of online support groups, counselors, and resources if you are feeling alone.Other ways to cope with depression (no matter how intense) is to exercise.  It's not a cure, but it has awesome benefits for the brain and has shown in studies to reduce anxiety and depression symptoms drastically.  Even something like walking can help.If you feel it's unmanageable, you can talk to your primary doctor about medications that could be right for you.  There are a lot out there developed for depressive symptoms that work pretty well for most people.Lastly, find some ways to show yourself that you are worthy!  Notice in your question that you said \"sometimes\"--what are those other times you feel worthy?  Or times that you feel you are doing things \"right\"?  Reframing that voice in your head can help as well--like maybe you are just doing the best you can with what you have.  Could that be true?  And that doesn't mean you don't make mistakes!  Mistakes are part of being human, and you can definitely cope with them.  Hope this helps!", "It's so great that you are reaching out when you feel depressed!If you have insurance, you can call them up and find out who would be in network for you.  That means they can tell you what providers or clinics they cover, and if there is a copay or deductible and how much.  You can find the number for your insurance company on the back of your insurance card.If you don't have insurance or your insurance doesn't cover providers you have access to, there are some counselors that will see clients at a reduced rate if you don't have the finances to pay for services.  There are even some that will do probono (free) sessions for a number of sessions, though that is dependent on the therapist's caseload and payment policies.If you find a counselor and don't feel like it's a good fit, you can always switch to someone else that is available to you.  Telehealth is a big part of practice right now, so you may have better access to more counselors depending on where you live.If you need more immediate resources, here's the SAMHSA National Helpline website/number: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline and a link to many different depression hotlines specific to certain populations: https://psychcentral.com/lib/depression-hotline-numbers/.I wish you all the best!", "My first question is what insurance do you have?  Sometimes counselors can create a \"superbill\" for clients who are out-of-network, basically creating a receipt for services that the insurance company will then reimburse.  Or maybe you could call your insurance company to see who would be in-network for you as well.  If you don't have insurance, there are many counselors who consider probono work for those that have extenuating circumstances, or reduced-cost sessions based on your needs.  Other options could be connecting with organizations in your area that support mental health needs.  They may have resources you are unaware of, or may be able to point you toward funding (though that's not always the case).  Not sure if a group is the right setting for you, but support groups online may be beneficial just to maybe feel like you aren't alone.  These are typically free and pretty popular right now due to COVID.Either way, I'm really sorry you have to deal with all that without the help you need.  Keep searching and definitely don't give up hope.", "Glad you are reaching out here!There are two types of self-harm: suicidal and non-suicidal.  A lot of people I see and have seen engage in self-harm just to manage emotional dysregulation, but not to end their lives.  Self-injury actually does a great job at helping us to manage really intense emotional states--even from a chemical level in the body.  When you self-harm, it's triggers your body's endorphin production, which is a chemical that makes us feel good.  I'm not saying you should do it, but I understand why you would choose that option because it is pretty powerful.To answer your question, I've never heard of anyone being admitted into inpatient for trying to stop non-suicidal self-injuring.  Even some people I've worked with that are suicidal and self-harming have remained outpatient given we have an extensive safety plan, including how to reach out for help and coping skill development.  Unless you are at high risk of suicide, you would most likely be outpatient.  I also work from a harm reduction model, meaning that if you have to self-harm it might as well be as safe as possible.  When people are trying to stop, sometimes the pressure gets in the way and they relapse (very normal and actually expected).  So we prepare for that by discussing measures to take to make sure the method you use is very safe.  Things here include making sure anything piercing the skin is properly disinfected, areas on the body to avoid cutting, and self-harm alternatives that still cause pain but are much safer.  For example, some people hold ice in the palm of their hands, or snap rubber bands on their wrists.  There are many websites that have safer alternatives as well if you just do a quick google search.  Have patience with yourself here, too.  You've found a way to manage a whole lot of emotions--and it's worked for you--you did that by yourself!  You also want better for yourself and have made the first steps for change and that's really spectacular.  It'll be similar to quitting any habit, so stick in there.  And if you find a counselor that fits for you, even better!  I wish you so much luck!", "Seems like you've really been through the ringer without much of a break.  Just reading through the details you put in the question, I hear a couple things.  One is that you seem like a helper.  That's not bad at all, though other people taking advantage of your nurturing qualities and not giving that back to yourself can really zap your energy.  Seems like you were the one that had to take care of your ex for a very long time.  Think about what that takes--a lot of patience, great emotional awareness, flexibility to adjust to needs and change plans, etc.  What that also means is that you probably had to focus so heavily on him that you weren't able to give any of that attention to yourself.  The great part is that it doesn't look a whole lot different when you give that to you vs someone else.  Self-love and self-care is a really important piece of managing anxiety (and depression), as you learned with your ex.The other thing I noticed is that it sounds like you maybe tend to people-please.  This is common with people that are helpers--they are almost a package deal. People-pleasing is really about abandonment.  It's derived from a fear that if you aren't exactly what people need, they may have negative feelings toward you and ultimately abandon or reject you.  May also stem from a need for peace if you grew up in a chaotic home (common with kiddos from domestic violence backgrounds), though that usually has some type of connection to abandonment as well.As far as anxiety management goes, there's so much you can do.  It's hard to say what will work specifically for you, but first thing that might help is to understand your triggers.  What gives you anxiety?  Is it general and seems to come out of nowhere?  Or does it buildup and get worse at a certain time of day?  I find that many people who have unresolved grief and depression tend to cycle through those symptoms and anxiety because there's so much stress and pressure involved in the cluster of issues that those circumstances tend to bring.  Sorting those things out can be tough---if you need help from a friend or counselor, it's never too late to reach out.  It doesn't matter if it happened last week or 10 years ago.  If it matters to you, it's relevant.I hope some of this helps and you are able to find someone in your life to lean on.  You aren't meant to be alone!", "You are so not alone in that.  There's many, many people that struggle with feeling stuck with the combination of depressive and anxious symptoms.  You are right though--it is a miserable thing to go through.The most important thing I usually start with for clients (upon learning about their particular situation) is behavioral activation, which is just a fancy name for \"doing stuff\".  Walking is a good place to start because it's not hard on the body and you aren't going from bed to running a marathon.  It's a way to get those feel-good chemicals flowing and to also feel like you are doing something, whether or not there's any motivation there.  Other people go with tasks, such as cleaning or organizing.  Sometimes those more productive things can make us feel good about ourselves, and doing them over and over can build up into confidence that you do have agency in your life.  Another option is participating in things you think you'd do if depression and anxiety weren't taking over your life.  We tend to believe that we have to feel a certain way to do something exciting or meaningful, but the truth is that sometimes doing things comes first and the feelings we have about them follow.  This may take a while, and it may mean combining other techniques like thought-logging (journaling about when certain thought patterns are triggered) and even medication/counseling.  It all depends on the person.  Engaging in activity may help to lower some of that anxiety also because you're energy has somewhere to be channeled through besides your nervous system.  Doing things really has a power in and of itself that teaches us what we are capable of. It's hard not to let your feelings and thoughts con you into believing you are incapable or hopeless, but that's what it is: a con.  What you choose and what works best for you may also depend on the factors of your situation.  Have you been feeling this way for a long time?  Did it come on suddenly and take over within the time-frame of a couple weeks?  Or was there a situation that triggered it all?  Those things are helpful to know because long-term depression/anxiety require a different spin on techniques than something more short-term that may benefit from processing through a difficult event or learning coping skills to push through a depressive episode.  All types can benefit from processing and learning new skills, but predicting patterns and being proactive means knowing those details.Hope this was a bit helpful!", "Feeling neglected in a romantic relationship can be pretty painful, so I don't think your response is anything out of the ordinary.  I do wonder what you mean when you say you stress over everything and break down easily.  Is that according to your own assessments or someone else's?  What do those moments look like?  Within the context of a lot of stress, breaking down wouldn't take a whole lot---and it's OK to break down.  It's the body's way of releasing pent up emotions.  If that's coming out via aggression or self-harm, it may be time well spent to create a coping plan for those tough times in order to feel like you have more control over your default response.Sometimes voicing your needs can help people to meet them, or at least compromise.  If you feel he would be receptive to a discussion, let him know how much time you need a day, or week.  You may not even fully know that, but if he's flexible, you can test out what feels right for your relationship.", "What kinds of things help you to feel safe?  I think it's great you've already tried a few things to help yourself sleep, even if they don't work.  Those methods of coping could be targeting something other than paranoia--which is maybe why you aren't finding those things are helpful.  If you are really struggling, sometimes meds can help to calm the brain a bit.  If you choose this route, make sure you give your prescribing doctor all the information about your symptoms so your meds can be as accurate as possible for what you're dealing with.If you have access, counseling could be beneficial as well.  There are more and more counselors becoming available via telehealth because of COVID, so you could even find someone to help you right in the space you feel most paranoid about (given that space is private).  Either way, talking some of those fears through could at the very least bring some insight, if not some relief.", "What a heavy situation to be in.  It must be really hard to feel like you aren't able to help your son and the help you do try to give isn't truly helping him or you.  There's some things in this situation that are out of your control--what your son does, if he takes help or doesn't, and the feelings that come up for you about that.  I can only imagine how draining it would be as a parent to be unable to change something so important.  It makes sense you'd be feeling anxious and depressed.Let's switch for a minute to the things you have total control over--what are those things in this situation?  Maybe that's how you express your love for your son.  Or maybe it's how you choose to support him (even if it feels like it's a betrayal to him).  Pay attention as well to the amount of worry you experience--how much of that helps you plan vs how much of that is excess?  Knowing what worry isn't necessary can help to put you in control of how you spend some of your time.  You can replace this time with some self-care instead, giving back to yourself.Finding support groups or people that have similar situations can be very helpful. I'd say they are almost necessary.  Knowing other people get what you are going through and understand the emotional toll can be somewhat healing.  They may also know other resources or ideas you can try that are available to people in your situation.Something else to consider is grief work.  Letting go of some or all of the situation with your son (if that's what it comes down to) is a giant loss.  You probably already went through losing who your son was before the addiction, so it could be worth exploring the impact that had and has on you.", "Sounds like you are really concerned about the things you are feeling and the way you are interacting with others.  Self-diagnosing is not typically recommended since there could be a misinterpretation of the criteria even if you do seem to \"fit the mold\".  How you interpret how you feel or how you behave can be distorted, no matter who you are.  I actually did this to myself when I was in graduate school and it turned out to be wrong!With that being said, I believe people are the experts on their lives and know best what is happening for them.  What is telling you that you have these diagnoses?  What does it mean about you if you do?  I don't give a ton of weight to diagnoses in the sense of treatment because a lot of diagnoses share the same underlying themes and origins.  Both Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder can be a result of childhood trauma, so treating one may not look that different from treating the other one---and the most important factor will always be the relationship you have with your therapist otherwise treatment won't work.I do give a lot of weight to diagnoses in terms of emotional relief.  It can be really stressful to feel like there's something \"wrong\" with you and not be able to give it a category.  It can reduce stigma as well to know that what's happening to you is normal for what you've been through, and that others are going through it, too.  And it definitely helps to know that there are ways to help and people that know how to help you.Either way, kudos to you for noticing something in your life that you want to change!  It seems like relationships are important to you and you maybe worry you are pushing people away that are important to you?  Even if you do have these disorders, you can totally learn how to change your life.", "Talking with parents can be very challenging, even if they are loving and understanding.  Have you ever discussed these issues in the past?  If so, how did they respond?  It'd make sense if you were avoiding a discussion if they have responded negatively to you, or even neutrally.  We rely on our parents for action when we are in need and it can feel so disappointing when they don't meet our needs.  If this is the case for you, you could still reach out to them if you feel safe to.  That might mean being very candid about what you need from them or what you are seeking for yourself.  Sounds like you already know you are struggling and you want to get some help which is awesome.Do you worry they won't believe you? Or that they'll be disappointed in you for self-harming?  If you are struggling with these worries, it may be worth talking to another trusted adult about how to bring the issues up to your parents.  Maybe that adult could be part of the conversation if appropriate or available?  Also, do you have any siblings that are old enough to be part of the conversation?  Or maybe be a shoulder to lean on?  No matter what happens, social support is really important so you don't have to go through it all alone.Is it possible that your parents or even one of your parents will be proud of you for speaking up for yourself and trying to get help?  Sometimes depression and anxiety immobilizes us because we fear the worst, when in reality there are many more possibilities.  One of the things I have my teen clients work on if they want to communicate something to a caregiver is have them come up with a bullet-point list of the things they need them to know.  So maybe your list would include symptoms you've been struggling with, how you want to change, and what you need from them to help you change.  If you do this and it doesn't turn out well, remember that it's on them and not you.  Sometimes parents are doing the best they can, and sometimes it's not good enough.  That never means you aren't worth helping. It could be helpful to make a backup plan for how you will try to reach out to someone if they don't respond well.You also don't specify your age, or if you are even a teen.  I'm assuming you are, but if not, you may be able to get help without their consent or help.  If you are closer to age 18, you may not have long to wait.  I truly hope you find what you need!", "That's a giant task to have to do all on your own.  It's hard to watch someone you care about feel depressed and I'm guessing it brings you down, too.  Change is tricky.  Most people need to hit a \"rock bottom\" before they can transform their lives.  Rock bottom is a moving target though--meaning one person's rock bottom could look completely different than someone else's.  For some people that's a trip to the hospital, for others it's failing an exam.  It's about what brings up enough discomfort (with awareness of why) with the current way of living that not changing would be more painful.Depression is so hard, but it can also be weirdly comforting.  It sucks to feel sad, but at least you know what to expect.  He knows that he's going to get high, zone out into his phone, and his anger is probably pretty predictable.  On the other hand, change is uncertain.  Is he open to seeing a therapist?  Or open to trying anything new with you?  If not, that's not your fault nor is it your responsibility.  You obviously care, but that doesn't mean it's on you if he doesn't follow through.  It seems like maybe he feels some comfort in the daily structure that you described, but even getting out for a walk could help his mindset a bit.  Overall, it's not a guarantee that you can help him, though it is really incredible that you have so much empathy for him.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself because you matter, too!", "It's very common to lose the ability to experience empathy when you are overwhelmed, burned out, and/or exhausted.  Empathy is about accessing your own emotions in a way to understand someone else's experience or circumstance.  If there's something in you (emotionally) that you may be trying to avoid, it may shut-down your willingness to feel or express empathy altogether.  This also happens often with emotional exhaustion, as well as if we aren't putting up boundaries with our empathy.  Brene Brown has a great video on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI.One way to think about this is to ask yourself what your anxiety is trying to tell you.  Is there maybe something that you aren't addressing in your life that is bugging you?  Or do you feel you are addressing too much and are spread too thin?  I'm also unsure if your comment means you don't have any emotion for yourself or you don't have anxiety for yourself, but I want to point out that you do have some sort of emotion for yourself.  That's the very reason you have asked this question!  Fear does a stellar job at masking emotions like sadness and shame.  You may not be aware of these feelings, but they could still exist.Loss of empathy can sometimes lead to a disconnection from the pain of others, though the extreme versions of this are not very common.  If you do start to experience homicidal ideation or thoughts about seriously harming others, it's important you talk to someone right away.", "The first thing I usually recommend to clients that are coming in for these issues in addition to stress management is visiting their doctor.  We really don't know if it's something psychological that's influencing your symptoms, or if there's other issues happening within the body.  Pancreas or thyroid issues can perpetuate anxiety and depression symptoms pretty intensely--these are things your doctor knows more about and can help test for (and maybe rule out).As you probably already know, lack of sleep is a giant contributor to an increase in symptoms.  We don't know too much about sleep in the research, but we do know it's necessary to function and function well.  Some suggestions here from the research we do have: creating a calming routine at night can help with your body's relationship to sleep.  This can be your normal nightly hygiene paired with some relaxing videos or soundscapes (there are apps for this--Calm, Headspace, PanicShield).  Practicing these for a few weeks can help your brain pair your routine with sleeping.  Another suggestion directly from the research is not to take naps.  Yes, your brain needs sleep, but napping messes with our circadian rhythm and our quality/quantity of nightly sleep.  When we sleep, we go through sleep stages--but when we nap, those stages aren't completed like they would be during a full night of sleep where we go through those stages multiple times.  Both deep sleep and REM sleep (typically when we dream) seems to be especially important for feeling rested.  Napping usually only offers us a small dose of that, whereas a full night can offer as many more completed cycles including both these stages.  If you are waking into a panic attack, this site may give you some info on what that means: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/expert-answers/panic-attacks/faq-20057984.  Here's a great information website that has tons of resources, including support groups: https://washingtoncenterforcognitivetherapy.com/problems-treated/panic-disorder/panic-disorder-organizations/.Glad you reached out here!", "I'm sorry you've had a difficult time finding what you need.  Sounds like you have been trying super hard!It's common for people to go through a few therapists before they find a fit.  I agree with the prior post that relationship is the most important factor in counseling, otherwise techniques don't really work.  It can be the case that you are connecting with your counselor but not able to implement what you are learning for whatever reason.  That's pretty typical in depression when lethargy is high and motivation is low.  Have you discussed your medication with your prescribing provider?  It seems like you have advocated for yourself in the past and have put some effort into trying new things.  That's actually really tough to do, depression or not!  When I have clients that seem to make no progress despite many sessions and different medications, I recommend trying a service called GeneSight.  Here's the link: https://genesight.com/.This service allows you find medications that fit best with your genetic makeup.  I don't have any affiliation to this service, but I've seen some success for people that have followed through since it is very personalized.  I believe some insurance companies cover the full cost and it's easy to use.Let me also point out that your motivation is spectacular.  You have been through multiple therapists and meds, yet you still reach out on this forum filled with counselors!  That shows some dedication to yourself and hope that you can find help to change.  That's not easy with depression or anxiety.", "It's absolutely normal!  For some people, it's scary to even make the appointment for therapy.  It can be overwhelming to think about talking to a stranger about very personal information, and that's exactly what we challenge you to do.  It can take quite a while to feel more comfortable with your counselor and the topics you discuss.  The more you show up despite your anxieties and talk about things that scare you, the less likely it is that you will feel nervous and shaky beforehand, depending on your expectations for sessions.  It could even be something you bring up to your counselor to process how that feels to you and maybe some reasons why that may be happening.  There's nothing wrong with feeling scared and I think it's courageous of you to keep going.  Sometimes feeling anxiety means we are doing something important to us; it seems as if maybe therapy holds some pretty big meaning for you!", "I'm going to reframe this and you can decide if this is helpful!What I'm reading based on what you gave is that you are actually doing your best to manage intense feelings of internal dysregulation.  Anger is something that is generally a protective emotion that quickly arises to keep us safe in some way, whether or not the situation is truly a threat.  The part of our brain that perceives this is not controllable to us, so we don't get to decide what emotion(s) we respond with.It does also sound like you are experiencing some significant anxiety, maybe even underlying the anger?  Without knowing the context, it's hard to say what would help on an individual level but working through those triggers and what is really influencing them deep down could be beneficial.  There's many different ways to do that in therapy if you so choose that as your path.If you do decide to see a therapist, most will tell you that the goal is not necessarily to control your anxiety or anger.  Sometimes there's a strong set of beliefs that, when activated, are catalysts to strong emotions that influence behavior.  Trying to control an emotion on its own is usually unsuccessful for people because it leaves out all the other powerful elements at play.  Emotions are information and the brain sends that information out because it believes we need it at that time.  Therapists can help unravel that with you in whatever way you need, whether that's with somatic work, work at the level of belief (or schemas), or otherwise---hitting it at these deeper layers can unpair and/or decrease emotional responses.  It all takes work and time, so don't get down on yourself if the process is complicated or slower than you expected or hoped for.What we know though is that the brain is very capable of change (even if it's painful).   Hope this gives you a helpful place to start from!", "My very first thought is this is so much to carry on your own!  A mother's instinct is to care for her children so I can imagine how hard it must be to see your son in pain and struggling.  I hear a ping of helplessness in there as well.  That's heavy.My question is: who is supporting you?  I know nothing about the context, but I wonder if the role you hold often is that of caretaker.  It may not be that the end-all-be-all answer is to be cared for, but the absence of care (or even self-care) can seem like we are only existing for others.  Sometimes having someone to rely on can help take off some of the edge--the pressure--of all that is overwhelming.Despite that, it may be that the situation continues to be exactly what it is, providing a steady stream of stress for you (which would be so difficult).  I don't think anyone can tell you what to do because no one here has to live with those consequences, good or bad.  Just a note that sometimes with men it is harder to reach out for help.  Perhaps he feels comfortable enough for you to know he's struggling (which means you have provided him a safe space to do just that) but not comfortable enough to interact with a stranger about those same struggles.  Men often avoid therapy because it's seen as weak and/or means you need help.  Planting seeds here is sometimes all you can do, as hard as that is.As far as supporting goes, there's much more you can do there if he is ready to receive that.  If you are seeing him in the midst of panic, the best thing you can do is let him know you are there for him.  Maybe that means being there physically, or continuing to give him encouragement along the way (e.g., \"You got this\", \"I know this is hard\", etc.).  If you aren't present for the attacks but he's telling you about them, you can ask what you can provide for him in those moments or how you can help him afterward.  Panic attacks can be taxing on the body so sometimes people need time to recover.  Remember that you also need to recover here, too.  It's very painful to watch someone you love panic.  What might you need there?Of course, counseling can be a great place to work through that stress and overwhelm.  That time is all for you to be heard and understood.  You deserve to have someone there for you, too!", "I think what you are describing is pretty common.  Even people without social anxiety have a hard time talking to their partner's family--it can feel overwhelming.One thing about social anxiety is that it creates avoidance behavior.  You may be avoiding conversation so you don't embarrass yourself or say something wrong, or maybe even feel like people don't like you.  The truth is that those are just simply fears.  You may overanalyze how people react when you put yourself out there, but we aren't that great at reading what people are actually thinking based on body language (unless we really know the person).  The challenge here is to avoid that avoidant behavior--talk to people.  You don't have to talk to everybody all at once.  Just find a person you feel safe(ish) with, someone that seems pretty nice and open.  It's ok to have anxiety about talking to people, and it's even ok if they know you are anxious.  Social anxiety can cause us to think too much about how we respond, which can make conversations seem choppy and unnatural.  Pay attention to the way you respond to people you have less or no anxiety talking with--what does this look like for you?  You can try to bring some of that to your conversations with her family.  Or with anyone, really.Another thing to know is that it's normal to change our conversational style to fit who we are talking with.  What that doesn't mean is being a completely different person--it's still totally OK to be you.  It's just like applying a different filter based on the situation.  Some of that will work itself out the more you practice and the more you put yourself out there.  It's tough to know what the boundaries are of expression sometimes, so be patient with yourself.  We all make many \"mistakes\" socially, but that's necessary to learn about ourselves.  Give yourself that chance!", "I think it's super brave to want to face your fears, so you are already moving in a great direction!No matter if your fear is something rational (e.g., fear of spiders), or something that seems irrational (e.g., fear of clocks), there is always a reason your brain has considered the thing you fear to be a threat.  Having a fear of spiders makes sense because in evolutionary terms, we need to fear things that could harm us.  On the other hand, fearing clocks may seem irrational without context; however, if you experienced something traumatic while listening to the ticking of a clock throughout the event, your brain may equate clocks with danger.  The reason for this is clear in much of the neuroscience research we have available.  In our brains we have amygdalae, which are basically just the \"watch dogs\" of the brain.  They are incredibly good at scanning our environment for any threats, whether or not we perceive those threats as rational because this part of the brain does not operate via logic--and it shouldn't.  If we sense danger because there's a bear in our presence, we don't need logic to survive--we need to just respond in ways that keep us safe.  If something really terrifying happens to us, our brains burn that all that information into the amygdalae, including any peripheral information.  This is why we can fear things that really aren't innately scary, like clocks.Moving through something you fear isn't easy.  It can be very emotionally difficult and feel pretty awful.  The good news is working with fears is one of the most researched areas of psychology and there are many evidence-based techniques that can help.One of the best techniques for changing the brain's response is exposure.  This technique involves exposing yourself, little by little, to the very thing you fear.  The reason this is so effective is because the amygdalae can only learn via experience.  If you avoid what you fear, that teaches your brain that that object or situation is dangerous, and over time that only strengthens the fear.  Conversely, if you expose yourself to something you fear and sit through a full fear response, eventually your anxiety returns to your baseline which sends the message that the object or situation is not dangerous.To begin with exposure, first it's important to have some mindfulness techniques built up.  This can be deep breathing, muscle tension/relaxation, etc.  It's important to know that this is in place for relaxation, not to distract from the exposure process because you really want to feel that anxiety to \"wake up\" the amygdalae--your brain can't learn a new response if you distract from the anxiety.  There's countless videos and recordings on youtube, as well as apps like Calm or Headspace that can teach some of those techniques.Next you can create a fear hierarchy.  Start with things connected to your fear that serve as triggers, but don't completely overwhelm you.  For example, if you have a fear of spiders you may start with pictures of spiders, then videos, then fake plastic spiders, seeing a spider in person, and finally touching a spider (non-poisonous).  This is a very simple list--some people have many, many triggers associated with their fears and that's normal.  When you have your list, you can scale each trigger by how much anxiety it gives you.  So on a scale from 1-100, if seeing pictures of spiders puts you at a 60, then your goal for that part of the hierarchy is to cut it in half to 30 (meaning you cut your anxiety in half).  Sometimes this can take multiple exposures with the same trigger, though exposure is very powerful and tends to be a much quicker process than most people think.  I know this is a lot of information to take in and I hope it all makes sense!  It's not all you can do, but it's so effective.  And of course it is best when you are getting assistance from a counselor (if you feel that you need that kind of support).  A counselor would be able to actually do some in-session mindfulness and exposure techniques with you (depending on the fear) to help prepare you for doing it on your own.", "I was the very same way when I was in graduate school.  It makes sense that speaking in front of others would be scary because all of the attention is on you and you probably have expectations to meet each time (including your own).Practice is the best way to build confidence before a speech.  Feeling prepared reduces anxiety for speaking just like it would for taking a test--you are solidifying the pathways in your brain that store and recall the information you need to know and speak about.Remember that it's pretty normal to feel increased anxiety before and during a speech.  It's something that matters to you, so your body is trying to prepare you to fight through it.  It can often feel like your body is working against you when it is actually doing quite the opposite!Also remember that people typically are not aware of how anxious you are.  They cannot hear your heart racing, they don't have access to your racing thoughts or insecurities, and they cannot feel the butterflies in your stomach.  When you practice your speech, practice appearing confident as well.  Identify a couple focal points where you practice and pretend those are people.  Confident posture and eye contact can help you feel more confident about what you are speaking about.  When you get to the actual speech, have a couple focal points that you switch your gaze to every few seconds.  People will perceive that as confidence, even if you aren't looking directly into everyone's eyes (which can be intimidating).Don't forget to breathe!  Taking a few deep breaths can send the message to your brain that what you are about to do is not dangerous--you are safe.  You'll still feel anxiety, but that's OK!  During your presentation, you can continue that in a sense by speaking slower.  It may seem like you are talking too slowly, but when you are anxious, it's actually a natural response to talk too fast.Try to visualize yourself doing well and remind yourself that you can make it through a presentation.  When it's over, give yourself that credit!", "What you described is so common for graduate students.  When I was in graduate school, I felt the same way and continue to at times now even though I'm licensed!One of the things to know is that it's good to a certain degree to experience some self-doubt.  It's what pushes you to keep learning in your field and grow professionally.  When you are in graduate school, you're really at the beginning of that journey so of course you aren't expected to know everything or to feel like you have mastered what you've learned.Do you have a professor you are comfortable discussing this with?  Or maybe a fellow student you feel a connection with?  It can be helpful to discuss these concerns with people that might understand what you are going through and can offer some guidance or make you feel less alone in it.Something I do to quiet that \"imposter voice\" is make sure I'm not giving attention to comparisons.  That's a one way ticket to feeling incompetent.  Even comparing yourself to others in graduate school is unhelpful because what we think people know and what they actually know can be distorted based on how confident we feel in our own abilities.  Look at your accomplishments and the things you have truly learned.  You obviously put in some incredibly hard work to make it into graduate school.  How much credit are you giving yourself for what you already have done or know?", "Your fear may not seem \"rational\" but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense!  There's 100% a reason for why this fear happens for you.  Most everyone has this fear because we are social animals and need to care what others think of us sometimes.  When it becomes a bigger issue is when it keeps you from enjoying your life or interferes with your functioning.Do you think it may have to do with uncertainty of what others may be thinking of you? Or that people will ultimately reject you? Sometimes when we don't know what others think, we assume they judge.  This is especially true if you've experienced direct judgment or bullying in your past, or if a significant parent or caregiver in your life made you feel shame.When I have a client that often fears others are judging them, I have them list out the evidence they see to support that.  What evidence is there to tell you that someone is judging you?  If you take something as evidence, also ask yourself if they behave the same with other people.  When we fear judgment, we often micro-analyze and misinterpret people's body language to mean something it doesn't.  It can also help to make a mental or actual list of other possibilities.  Most people are concerned about what others are thinking of them, so it's possible people you interact with are wondering what you think of them.  It's also possible they are judging you positively--what are some things in this category that people have told you about how they see you?  Sometimes taking feedback from people closest to you whom you trust can be the most accurate representation of how others may see you.  Counseling could be a great option as well because I guarantee these fears will show up in sessions and that's GOOD.  It gives you a chance to process them with someone who will help you understand these fears and may even give you genuine feedback about how they perceive you (at the right time).  It can be very healing!", "First of all, having these thoughts and feelings does not mean there is something wrong with you.  It's very normal to worry about social relationships and how others see us because we need other people in our lives to survive and thrive.It sounds like you may have some social anxiety, which is very workable and treatable.  Rumination is a common way the brain attempts to deal with the worry that stems from social anxiety, though not effectively.  One way we ruminate is to try to excessively plan out what we will say and how we will act in social situations that may never even occur, which ultimately ends in a lot of unneeded psychological pain and stress.One way to cope with those thoughts is to write about the worries you have.  When we write, it forces us to slow down the thought process, which can allow for more clarity and other information to come through about our experiences.  Another benefit for this is to externalize the thoughts and feelings you are having; this can really help to organize your thoughts and feelings as well as put them outside of the mind.Seeing a counselor may be helpful as well.  They can help sort through your anxieties and the underlying reasons why they may exist.  They can also help with individualized coping strategies and tasks that will fit for your personal needs.", "You are dealing with a lot of emotions about your relationship and it must be really difficult to be doing that without support.What brings you to believe it's specifically separation anxiety?  Did you feel the same way when he'd leave before the new job?  I'm not saying it isn't, but it sparks my curiosity about what that means to you.  It definitely sounds like you are grieving a pretty significant change in a relationship that you are invested in and a change in a person that you love.  That's so tough.Another thing to remember is that no matter what it looks like, you are coping in some way.  Rumination and worry are both ways of coping.  Crying or retreating from the world is also coping.  What do you want your coping to look like?  Most people want their coping mechanisms to reduce their uncomfortable feelings, so separating what meets that need vs what doesn't can clue you in to what will work best for you.  It doesn't necessarily mean you always have to escape your feelings though.  It's OK to feel everything you are feeling because you're human and you care.  It's also worth noting that his actions (or lack of) are triggering these feelings you have about you.  I don't know enough to speak to where that comes from for you, but how much of what he's choosing or not choosing to do is possibly about him?  When we don't know why someone has changed their behavior toward us, we typically end up blaming ourselves because our brains don't like uncertainty.  The truth could be much different.  The only way to truly know is to express that to him--though that is up to you if you feel like you are in a position to speak your truth to him.Support from other people in your life could help as well.  Maybe someone outside of the relationship can give some unbiased suggestions or even just offer support to you while you are moving through this really rough situation.  One way to look at how you are feeling is that your emotions could be reflective of what you want for your relationship vs what is happening now.  If there is some separation anxiety, maybe that's something that warrants more inner work for you if you so choose.  But it's normal in any relationship to feel upset when our partners aren't meeting our needs.  You probably know best which scenario fits your situation, and maybe it's a little bit of both!If you decide to confront him, speaking with someone you trust to help you with that or seeing a counselor could help to narrow down what you really want him to know and what you need from him.I wish you all the best!", "I don't think there are many people in this world that can't relate to this question!  To a degree, it's helpful to worry about all the things you listed so you give attention to paying bills, working, meeting the needs in your relationships, taking care of your children, etc.  It also shows that you definitely care.How much of that worry allows you to plan vs. how much is just extra and causing you suffering?  For each category you listed, try to identify what your plan is (within your capabilities) and write it down.  You can even write down things that are uncertain and come up with ways to explore options for those uncertainties.  Doing this can separate what that extra worry looks like and when to target those thoughts, as well as help you to feel like you have things under more control.  What is shown to help us perform even better than worry is self-compassion.  Kristin Neff is one of the best researchers in this area.  Here's her website: https://self-compassion.org/Also remember that you are not alone.  Many of the people around you may appear to have life all together when in reality they may worry just as much.  If you have a friend or family member you feel you can talk to, it can be helpful to have their understanding or support, even reassurance that you are not doing a bad job.My last curiosity is if there are any ways you could make the things you are doing more enjoyable.  Can you listen to a podcast you like while doing dishes?  Or reward yourself with something you like (e.g., alone time, episode of your favorite show, etc.) after paying a bill?  Could you ask for help here and there if you have that available to you?  If you are multitasking with children, is there a way you can all do household maintenance together?  That may be unrealistic but if it's something that you find interest in, you could give it a shot.  You have so much on your plate so give yourself credit for what you are doing everyday!", "There could be a few reasons that's happening.  If you are afraid of leaving your home and going other places, that may be an anxiety response.  Not all people who feel this way have all the criteria for agoraphobia, but that doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't interfere with your life.  This may be triggered by a fear of being around people or people seeing you.  It may also feel like leaving the safety of your home is too overbearing without a clear indication as to why.  When it is the latter, it's typically brought on by an anxiety disorder (such as panic disorder).If you have lost interest in going outside, that may be a very different clinical picture.  Did you used to enjoy getting outside but now feel like it is no longer enjoyable?  Have you lost interest in other things that you used to find joy in?  When depression is the culprit, it can feel like you don't get excited about things you used to like, which is also accompanied at times by feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, sleep and eating changes, and frequent sadness.  It's not uncommon for anxiety and depression symptoms to coexist, so you may be experiencing a little (or maybe a lot) of both.  If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about what you are going through, counselors can usually help and with the option of telehealth (online counseling) you don't have to leave your home to do so.If you don't have access to a counselor, your primary doctor can also help you understand your symptoms better and maybe even recommend some other options for you.", "One thing to know is that anxiety is not a bad thing--it is the body's natural response that mobilizes us to action.  If you think about it in terms of preparation, your anxiety is helping your body to be ready to perform through something important to you or protect you from harm.  A question worth asking is, what are you really afraid of happening if you have an anxiety attack while driving?  Are you worried you won't make it to your new job?  Are you scared of letting your family down?  Do you fear you will crash?  Knowing what you fear will happen because of your anxiety can help to determine where your mental focus would be best suited.  For example, if you fear you won't make it to your job, you can create a list of thoughts to support you through those fears (e.g., I am capable of making it to my new job, etc).Despite knowing the origin of your anxiety, it can still feel very scary to go through an anxiety attack.  Just anticipating anxiety can, ironically, increase your chances of experiencing it.  A really great way to manage this is via mindful breathing.  There are so many youtube videos and recordings of how to control your breathing in order to calm your body's anxiety response that work best even before you've felt a spike of fear.  Taking time each day to practice deep breathing, even for just a few minutes, can be a helpful tool to grounding yourself in the present moment vs fearing the unknown. Doing a practice run on the route you will be taking could also send a big message to the part of your brain that creates your fear response.  Practicing getting to your location can reduce that fear of the unknown, as well as teach your anxiety that you performed the drive once and nothing bad happened; in response, your anxiety doesn't feel a need to set off your alarm so loud.Something really important to remember is that having anxiety or an anxiety attack does not mean you are in danger.  Anxiety can feel awful, but it will always come back down.  Give yourself credit that you can make it through any response your body has--after all, that's what your body was built to do!", "That must feel heartbreaking to you.  Where do you think that anxiety comes from?  I would try some self-reflecting to see what comes up there.  Maybe you are worried about losing your best friend, or something completely different.  It's understandable that you would have a lot of feelings in this situation, especially since this person is very close to you.  The dealing with it part is probably going to be pretty tough.   You are processing through circumstances that you probably can't talk to him, your best friend, about.  Do you have anyone else you can talk through it with?  Maybe another good friend or someone that knows the situation?  When we're most in need sometimes we become more aware of who around us can be of help.  A counselor can help here, too if that's an option you are considering or have access to.If he does start leaning on you to talk about his crush, there may be some boundaries that you could consider putting up.  That may mean distancing from him a bit, or telling him how you feel.  That part is all up to what you feel most right doing and what works best for your friendship.  Try to remember that you are not less than just because he may not reciprocate the same romantic feelings you do.  We are all worthy of that kind of love.", "Talking to people can be pretty scary.  When we talk to people, sometimes we overanalyze what we say or how we react in fear that we will seem weird or they won't like us, which makes us appear awkward.  So that overthinking piece can ironically work against us.When you talk to them, really spend time to listen to what they are saying.  Your default may be to think about how you will respond or what's cool to say, but people like it best (usually) when you are genuine and yourself.  If you focus on what you are paying attention to (them), then you will naturally have a response.  If you can overthink about yourself, you can definitely have some thoughts pop up when talking to other people!Also keep in mind that if the conversations turn out to be less than you'd hoped for, that's OK.  I'm assuming you are in high school, but in any situation with peers, if they don't like you then they aren't worth all your worry and effort.  Give change a chance--you've endured change in your life before this, so let it happen again.  You are in control here--you get to choose who you talk to and don't talk to.  That can be powerful!", "It's OK that you are going through that, even though it is probably very miserable.  Feeling burnt out is usually a sign that something is out of balance in our lives and we need to make some adjustments.How are boundaries set up in your life?  If these are lacking in your work life, social life, or personal life, that could be draining.  This can be all too true for people that feel like putting up boundaries is selfish or that others will reject you if you do; however, realistic boundaries are super healthy for both yourself and others. For example, I have a boundary on how many people I see in a week and when I discuss work-related issues--this helps me take care of myself in ways that make me a better counselor and lets other people know exactly what I expect so there's no guessing.Another question to consider is, what are you doing to recharge from stressors?  We tend to get so caught up in responsibilities that we miss opportunities to slow down.  We try to put a blind eye to how we are feeling and just push through, but our bodies will tell us when it's too much, whether that's through physical pain, emotional pain, or both. Consider the metaphor of a car:  if you are low on gas, your gas light comes on.  You can keep driving, but eventually you're going to need to stop and fill up, no matter how badly you want to make it to the next exit. Anxiety and other feelings popping up may be a sign you are just too overwhelmed and need to recharge!How you attempt that may look different from others.  What brings you joy?  Is there a person or people that recharge you?  Or do you recharge better doing something alone?  If you feel it's a struggle to find answers to these questions, try to remember things that have peaked your interests and brought you joy in the past.  It could be something as simple as taking a walk, creating something, baking, etc.  It can be a process, so no matter how quickly you want to move through this, just be patient with yourself!", "As you know (probably very well), those types of thinking patterns are energy suckers.  I'm assuming you are often tired and don't sleep as well as you could, especially as our thoughts tend to creep up on us when we are trying to fall asleep.One thing to know is that those thought patterns are a protective mechanism.  Ruminating on what could happen and how we will respond is how we feel prepared for what's to come.  In a logical sense, there's so much uncertainty in life that trying to plan all that out is nearly impossible.  Although not a bad idea to have a game plan or rehearse how you are going to respond to conflict, endlessly revisiting those things tend to take away from why we want to be prepared in the first place--to protect our well-being (in any aspect).  The trick is how to calm the brain which is so much easier said than done!  To start, take the time to write your thoughts down.  You can do that via journaling, or by splitting a piece of paper into two categories (one side is helpful planning and other side unhelpful planning).  The brain is a spectacular organ, but sometimes we really need to see things externally to be able to process them effectively.  Excessive worry is really a result of pretty significant fears--whether those fears come from not feeling like you can handle situations, that other people can't handle things, that you will lose something important to you, or that you will fail.  Writing about those fears could help you understand where those thoughts are coming from, or you could even talk those out with a friend or counselor.  Sometimes someone else's feedback about our situations can change how we see things since we tend to get perpetually stuck in the same perspectives.My last suggestion is to work on trying to stay in the present via mindfulness, at least 5 minutes a day.  It's probably going to feel foreign and weird, maybe even scary, since you live more in the future vs the present moment.  It's common for the brain to respond by trying to push back into those thinking patterns, but mindfulness actually increases your ability to problem-solve and see things more clearly.  Constant anxiety clouds us.  Mindfulness clears that out.  And I'm sure you really could use a brain break!", "Hello!  There's not a lot of information here, but I have a couple thoughts about what could be happening for you.My first thought is what we know about the effect of alcohol on the body.  It's a depressant, meaning it slows down your central nervous system functioning--including your heart rate, breathing, etc.  It also decreases activation in the part of the brain that deals with inhibition.  How that relates to panicking could be very specific to your experiences and your own body's reaction, though it's a possibility that those bodily sensations trigger panic for you.  If you've been in a traumatic situation in the past, your body may be at a heightened level of awareness or vigilance. Letting your guard down (common with drinking) can feel too vulnerable for people with a history of trauma because the body feels open to attack without those extra layers of vigilance.   So that's one possibility.The second thought I have is that along with feeling vulnerable, there may be a fear of loss of control.  Alcohol tends to shut down the part of the brain that basically operates as a CEO.  When that area of the brain is offline, more emotions are able to come through.  Pair that with the loss of physical control you may feel and that could be the perfect storm for a panic attack.The third thought I have is that you may just have an intolerance to alcohol.  I'm not an expert on allergies or intolerances, so if you are truly concerned about your reaction to alcohol, it could be worth your time to visit a doctor.  Even if you don't have anything medical going on, a doctor may know what direction to point you in based on your specific circumstances.  Keep in mind also that alcohol does not mix with many medications.  If you are taking any prescription medications, make sure to ask your doctor about risks/side effects/interactions.  There could be some information there to make sense of your symptoms.Keep that curiosity going and an answer will soon come!", "I'm sorry you're going through that.  Panic attacks are terrifying.One thing to start with is knowing that panic attacks are not going to hurt you and your anxiety will come down with time.  Fighting that process can sometimes heighten symptoms because your brain wants the message of panic to be heard.  Some of the best ways to counter that message is through focusing on the present moment through sensations or breathing.  Taking deep breaths allows your body and brain to slow down, sending the message that there's no present danger.  Focusing on the present can also send the same message, as anxiety typically throws us into the \"what ifs\" of the future.  If you search google or pinterest, there are tons of methods you can use for this---some people prefer to focus on colors, shapes, smells, textures, etc., while other prefer to pay attention to internal sensations.  There are also apps that can help with these techniques, such as Calm and Headspace.  They work best when you aren't in a panic attack or when you feel one coming on.  If you are already at the peak of an attack, they can still help, it just may take a bit longer.  Some clients I have like to track their anxiety with a scale system.  Let's say you scale your anxiety at an 8 out of 10, do some breathing exercises for 5 minutes, then scale it again.  It's likely the anxiety decreased, at least to a 7 or 7.5.  Doing this can give you some physical proof that you have some control over your body.  You can also scale it without the breathing to see how it just fluctuates on its own.  Anxiety will always go down and you can see that happening via numbers.  This method will let you see the light at the end of the tunnel.There are other ways that might work for you via a quick google search, or through therapy.  Keep trying new things until you find what works best for you!", "Doesn't sound like your boyfriend is a source of support and I'm really sorry to hear that.  And my assumption is that the car accident was traumatic for you and still impacts you in some ways.By just reading what you wrote, I'm not sure what that impact has been on you, but I get the impression that maybe you are now carless and have no reliable method of transportation to get to school or other places you need to go.  Maybe you are also scared to be in a vehicle?  My first thought after reading this is that I wouldn't be thrilled about getting into a car if mine was totaled in an accident.  It may even incite terror.  None of that is your fault--it's an expected response to a horrible situation.My second thought was that you are obviously very committed and reliable if you had a job of nine years.  Not to mention brave for stepping out of the comfort of a job to pursue school full-time.  That's a giant transition that you should get so much credit for, from yourself and from the people closest to you.  Failing doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. I've failed classes as well when I was just starting out in college.  It truly doesn't mean anything about you--it just means that things got in the way and you can either try again, or learn something about yourself (or both) and what you want out of an academic career.  The feelings around failing may feel raw at the moment, but readdress them in a couple weeks or a month and notice how your perspective may change, as well as the steps you may take despite the situation.  Be careful of how much your boyfriend is contributing to how you feel about yourself, too.  I'm guessing you already felt pretty terrible, then his words or actions rubbed it in.  Who do you have in your life that is compassionate toward you?  If you aren't sure, seeking out a counselor can be really great with all the emotions of a big transition like you are going through.  In the meantime, focus on the things you have total control over--your breath, little choices that you make throughout the day, etc.  Mindfulness and meditation can be a way for you to get some peace and slow down from the chaos of your life and thoughts.", "I think it's a great idea that you are asking this question now while it's early on. The first thing I wonder is what age you are.  At different transitions and stages in life, it's really common for anxieties to come out of the woodwork.  First time this takes place at a greater level is during adolescence, because a teen's \"job\" is to figure out who they are within the context of other people.  Spikes in anxiety also can also occur after high school when you are leaving the nest and heading to college, or the late twenties when it feels like you are expected to have your life figured out and compare to where others are in their lives.  That same scenario can show up in mid-life as well for different reasons depending on the person.  Aside from age, certain circumstances can influence a jump in anxiety, such as a job change, switching schools, moving, opening a business, college finals, etc.  Take some time to explore where the anxiety might be coming from and just see what comes up.  It may be something you have some control over, or something that you can ask for help from someone else for--especially if it's social anxiety.  The more you practice social skills, the more confidence you'll have in the long-run.A metaphor I use with some people is gas for a car.  Anxiety is a necessary motivator for action, though you get to decide where to go with that anxiety.  An overfilled tank doesn't get you any further than a normally-filled tank, and more gas doesn't mean the gas is in charge of where you go.  Applying that to what I know about your situation--how much of that worrying is getting you somewhere, how much is just extra gas, and are the worries changing what you really want to do? Sometimes knowing the makeup of our anxiety gives us more power over how we deal with it, and I think you could for sure get there with some help.", "Thanks for reaching out and asking this question.  Social stuff is hard.  Even for people that don't have diagnosed social anxiety.  Some research outlines that our fear of public speaking is greater than our fear of death.  That's hefty!  Shame is often the culprit for social anxiety because we think other people will see the flaws in ourselves that we believe are there.  I've had experiences where I thought the person thought something awful of me, just to find out it was exactly the opposite.  That's how powerful our minds can be!What are other things that people may think of you?  Maybe you are very kind and easy to talk to.  Maybe you think differently than other people and some people enjoy hearing your perspectives.  It's even a possibility that they are worrying about the same things as you, even if they seem very confident.  Confidence can be easy to fake if it's how you cope with fear.To work through some of that, it's much better to force yourself out there and have conversations.  Avoiding people sends the message to your brain that not only are those situations dangerous (socially), but that you can't handle them.  The more you avoid, the harder it gets and the more anxiety is created by just the thought of being around people.  Take it moment by moment, too.  Thinking about all the conversations you are confronted with in a day is overwhelming.  Just focus on getting through each conversation, and give yourself credit for doing that---even if you felt awkward, embarrassed, etc.  Social skills can be taught at any stage of life, and there's always room for mistakes.  No one in society communicates perfectly and you don't need to put that pressure on yourself.The last thing I'd say is keep at least 1-3 people in your life that feel really good to talk to--like it's not a task.  Talking to acquaintances and random people is not to fulfill a need for close connection (unless you end up finding a great friend), but more to feel like you are definitely able to handle conversations without the threat of crippling anxiety.  You may even get to a place where you enjoy it (sometimes).  Reach out to people in your life if you need extra support!", "We all experience that to a different level, depending on who you ask.  It's actually born out of a good quality---prosocialness.  When we care what others think of us, we are also attuned to how we are treating them and what's socially right vs wrong.  It definitely does feel like it's more about ourselves, however--meaning it feels like we worry about what others think because we don't want to be socially outcast or rejected.  That's also (again, to a certain level) a healthy quality.  It means you want connection.  Connection is crucial to mental health and, according to some available research, physical health.  No matter how mentally healthy or socially confident you are, if you care about connection, you're going to care about what people think of you to an extent.  So the work here is to figure out what worry is warranted vs what is just causing you suffering.  A good way to tell the difference here is to write it out in list form.  Write out all the socially-anxious thoughts you have and scale them from \"needed\" or \"helpful\" to \"unnecessary\" or \"unhelpful\".  Some may fall in the gray area here.  For example: if you worry that others think you are inconsiderate, so you often say sorry---weed out what's actually inconsiderate vs what you feel is maybe inconsiderate because you feel like a burden to others.  Getting in someone's personal space would warrant some worry and an apology.  Asking for help when you need it is something you don't have to apologize for.  Something else to consider here is there's probably some underlying shame.  Shame is a cluster of really tough feelings and if it had a voice, it'd say things like, \"you're not good enough\", \"you aren't likeable\", \"you are annoying and no one wants to be around you\", etc.  Those feelings typically create the worry you experience about others.  Shame survives and is strengthened by the attention you give to it.  The more you compete with it, the less powerful it becomes.  Sometimes that comes in the form of noticing the wonderful qualities in yourself.  Sometimes it takes practice putting yourself out there when it's really scary.  No matter what, shame's nemesis is connection---to yourself and to others.  That's how you prove it's wrong.  Try not to take shame at face value!If you are struggling with using these techniques or just don't know if they are right for you, a counselor can help you out and give you a more individualized approach.  Sometimes it's just figuring out that specific formula that works for you that makes all the difference.  And of course, counseling is built on a strong connection.I wish you all the best!", "There's SO much help for repetitive thoughts in the counseling world!  The one thing I'd for sure ask if we met in person is what those repetitive thought patterns look like.  Some repetitive thoughts are more like obsessive thoughts.  For example, that may mean that every time you leave a room, your obsessive thought is to switch the light on and off 5 times.  Or every time you touch a door handle, you think about the germs you came into contact with and washing your hands multiple times.  Sometimes it's more about the same thoughts repeating about bad things that may happen, or critical thoughts we have about ourselves.  Your statement about \"feeling confident again\" gives me the sense that maybe you struggle with the ways in which you think about yourself.Assuming it's obsessive thoughts: exposure and response prevention therapy is an excellent form of treatment.  Typically, obsessive thoughts influence compulsions, which usually show up as very strict, repetitive rituals in order to manage anxiety.  Exposure and response prevention exposes you to the things that increase anxiety, while response prevention helps you to sit through that anxiety response without performing a compulsion.  For example, you touch a door handle.  Your anxiety increases.  You obsess about the germs you came into contact with and have a strong urge to wash your hands multiple times.  Instead, you sit through the anxiety, let the anxiety decrease on its own, and slowly unpair that anxious response with the behavior.  The more you do this, the more it breaks up those thinking/behavior patterns that make you feel chained to them.Assuming it's self-critical thoughts: cognitive-behavioral therapy can work well here.  Everyone's brain has a default track, that when met with struggle, plays over and over like a broken record.  The more you give into that, the more it plays.  The trick here is creating a competing track, or turning the volume up on a track that boosts your confidence instead of shooting it down.  Some ways to do that are really identifying and writing down what those repetitive thoughts are.  You probably already know them pretty well if they repeat often.  Then next to them--write out a line that has an heir of confidence and/or gentleness.  For example, if your repetitive thought is that you are a failure, you may write out a sentence that is something like:  I may be struggling greatly with this situation, yet I am still trying super hard to get better and that's definitely not a failure.  Every separate repetitive thought can have its own competing sentence.  Initially, these new thoughts will feel weird, foreign, and maybe even like they don't do anything.  Give it time.  The repetitive thoughts have had years to grow, so these new thoughts need time, too.  They are, literally, new pathways in the brain and the more they are traveled, the stronger they will get.I'm also sensing that there's a combination of anxiety and depression.  I would assume that you are probably feeling pretty cut off from the world if you don't want to talk to anyone.  That can be so lonely and isolating.  Because connection is basically crucial for healing, it may be very beneficial for you to see a counselor or find a support that feels safe to you.  Counselors are usually trained very well in these types of issues and some offer telehealth if you are having trouble leaving your home.  It might feel scary and strange at first, but you are in a lot of pain and deserve healing.Hope this helps a bit.  Go with your gut and do what you feel is right for you!  I wish you all the best.", "Seems like you have some confidence in your track abilities, but feel pressured by your dad to continue something you don't really enjoy.  Are you maybe worried about disappointing your dad, or is it something about track itself that upsets you or overwhelms your body?When we try to push through stuff that's too much for our bodies (whether that's physical or emotional), that stress will show up no matter how hard we try to bury it.   Sometimes that shows up as crying or irritation, other times that shows up as physical symptoms.   For you, it could be both.  Based on the symptoms showing up days before a meet, it could be more emotional since it comes so long beforehand.  I'm assuming you are very active already, so extra exercise probably isn't too helpful and may only put more stress on your body.  Do you feel like you ever get a chance to truly relax?  Always running on overdrive with little gas is exhausting.  Try giving yourself permission during the period before the track meets to just do something that slows you down.  Doesn't have to be super long--even 10-15 minutes a day could give your brain and body a very needed break from that go-go-go lifestyle.Pay attention to your sleep as well.  I don't know anything about your nightly routine, but if you are struggling to sleep that could enhance the symptoms of anxiety before your meets.  Some calm activities before bed could help here.Of course, you could try talking with your dad about whats happening if you think he'd be able to support your needs.  That's not always possible, and if not, no worries.  There's a lot you can do to get through what's happening.  If you have another caregiver in the picture that feels approachable, you could talk to him/her about how you are feeling.  Also, take a look at strategies for performance anxiety online.  Even if you don't have that particular type of anxiety, the strategies are really great and can at least help a little if you are still engaging in track.", "I'm so sorry you aren't being taken seriously.  I hope you have at least one person in your life that believes you and will listen to you.  Sometimes when family members don't give us a chance to be heard, we can find someone in our lives that makes us feel like we matter.  If you struggle with finding that, a counselor could be that person for you.Other things you could try include finding ways to calm your mind and body.  There's a lot of apps available with calming scenes and soundscapes, such as Calm and Headspace.  St. John's Wart is also pretty popular for working with the symptoms of anxiety and depression and is available without a prescription.Just as a last note--you don't need your family to believe what you are going through to get better.  It could for sure make it harder, but if you can get through severe anxiety, you can totally get through the healing process.", "It's definitely possible that your response to anxiety is to swear, though you don't have to feel controlled by that reaction.  As a teen, you're developing your identity based on what feels right to you and what doesn't.  It's OK to be different than your friends, and just being around swearing doesn't mean you will for sure pick up that habit.  What is it that connects your anxiety to swearing?  If it feels like your automatic response might be to curse, you could try picking some words that don't go against your values to use as a default when you are upset.  You could also work directly with calming your anxiety, maybe in ways that make you feel in control.  Breathing exercises as well as thought replacement (replacing an unhelpful thought with a helpful one) are good for that.  Whatever you try, I wish you the best of luck!", "Sure can!  Especially social anxiety or anxiety in the form of paranoia.  Are there any patterns to when or where this happens most?  Does it ever happen with people you feel safe and comfortable with?  Or only when you are in an uncomfortable social setting?  If you notice any patterns, you can focus in on the anxiety surrounding them and build coping skills to help you get through those moments (if that's what would feel helpful).You could also seek help and talk to someone about what's happening to get a better assessment of your situation and more personalized techniques.  There's many counselors out there that are great at working with anxiety!", "Night is hard for a lot of people, so you are definitely not alone here.  Has anything scary ever happened to you at night?  Answering that question may give you the \"why\" of where that's coming from.  If you haven't had a bad experience at night, it may just be the time when you have nothing to do, which allows more intense thoughts and feelings to surface.  Here's a couple things to try:One thing you could do is sit down a couple hours before you go to bed and journal (if you can).  Try to reduce any distractions and just go for it.  The purpose of this is to slow down well before you go to bed, expressing some of the anxiety from the day.  Also take note of the things you can tackle that day vs what can wait until later.  This gives your brain a chance to sort through some of the \"planning\" type of anxiety that commonly comes up when you are trying to sleep.Another thing you can do is make a list of the things you have control over.  Anxiety is really good at putting everything you feel out of control of on a giant metaphorical projection screen.  Try projecting some of the things you have control over instead.  For example--you have total control over breathing patterns, what you choose to wear the next day, what you pay attention to if you go for a walk, etc.  You also have control over how you personalize that list to what matters to you.  Mindfulness is a great way to focus on how you control your breath, and also how letting go of breathing doesn't stop your body from doing what it's always doing to keep you alive.  Any google search will bring up lots of information on this!Something to remember is that experiencing anxiety is OK.  It doesn't mean something is necessarily wrong.  Anxiety is sometimes just a feeling that comes up without much of a cause.  If you can't identify that cause, it's probably because of a little misinterpretation in the brain.  Mindfulness can definitely help with that.", "I've worked with teens in a day treatment program for about 6 years now and it's been a theme that a lot of them see dark figures out of the corner of their eyes.  Pretty common with teens that have endured trauma--physical or sexual abuse, witnessing domestic violence, etc.  We don't have a lot of information on why this happens, but it's theorized that the brain projects the emotions outside of us in the form of dark figures--maybe just as a reflection of what is existing on the inside of the brain or even to give some emotional relief.  When we have kids that have experienced those types of hallucinations, they almost always disappear once they have worked through their trauma.  Sometimes visual and auditory hallucinations are symptoms of mental health disorders as well, though that's pretty rare for those to start as early as the teens years.  It's best to have your symptoms checked out by a medical professional and maybe even a psychiatrist to get a better idea of what may be happening.   Are you or have you been taking any medications that could potentially have these side effects?  If you do visit one or both professionals, make sure you or a caregiver is giving them all the details about your symptoms so they can help you as much as possible.A big question here is what is your sleep like?  Lack of sleep is notorious for causing hallucinations and can become severe after only a few nights of sleep deprivation.  If you are having trouble sleeping, that may be another topic to discuss with your doctor.No matter what it is, it's obviously scary otherwise you wouldn't feel paranoid.  Try some techniques to calm yourself a few times during the day, like deep breathing or movement-based strategies like yoga.  Whatever speaks to you.  And remember that while you are figuring this issue out, the hallucinations can't hurt you even if they get stronger.Glad you are reaching out to get some help!", "It's great that you are at least aware of what pushes you to seek change in your life.If you were in session with me, one of the first things I'd explore is what \"tough\" means for you.  Is it relationship issues with other people?  Or tasks related to your job?  Or is it something else?  It's important to know what you may be trying to escape in order to work with it.  For example, if you tend to make changes when you are faced with a commitment, then there would be something about commitment that scared you and the work would be focused there.  One thing to think about is that most people tend to run from things that they believe they can't handle or get through.  Could this be happening in your situation?  If it is, there could be some underlying fears present that you are incompetent or you will fail.  What's interesting about that is that some people avoid change for the very same reasons.  It's actually quite amazing that you handle so much change in your life and have for a very long time.  That shows you can handle a lot!  The last thought I have is that the more you push through the tough stuff, the more you will have confidence in your ability to do that.  You don't have to feel confident to start the process--in fact, many people feel very vulnerable and terrified sticking with decisions that are out of their comfort zone.  Having social support, even if it's just one person, is so important when you're facing your fears.  That could mean counseling, or a partner, friend, family member, etc.  Doing it alone is another level of tough.You may be at the point in your life where you are just seeking some answers and aren't feeling ready to address what's happening and that's OK.  No one wants to go blindly into this kind of work.  There's no rush to figure it all out right now.  Give yourself some time to let things unfold!", "No wonder you are scared to sleep if this is what you are going through.My first thought is that it's possible your dreams are your brain's way of trying to process something that scares you or has scared you.  There's not a lot of research on the purpose of dreams, but one theory is that stuff you don't want to deal with consciously is able to come through via your unconscious brain as a dream (or nightmare).  Another theory is more of Gestalt nature, where all your dream figures represent a part of you--for example, the part of you being attacked would be the side of you that feels weak, whereas the attacker is the side of you that you feel is bad or evil.  Either way, your reactions are definitely legit because nightmares tend to flood the brain in a pretty emotionally raw form.I am also curious if you had trouble sleeping before you started having these dreams. Is it because of these nightmares that sleep is an issue, or have the sleep issues been a part of your life longer than the dreams?  It may not mean a whole lot no matter what order they came in, but it would be interesting to know if the catalyst was actually the dreams to begin with.  The big question here is if not having these nightmares would improve your sleep and lessen your anxiety about sleeping, overall.As for the anxiety attacks, there's a lot here you can try.  Your brain is seeing sleep, nightmares, or both as a threat.  The way to signal safety to your brain is to practice some relaxation techniques--mindful breathing can be helpful or if you find it hard to sit still, you can do some walking mindfulness.  Maybe you've heard of the Calm app--it's so great for sleep issues.  They have sleep stories and soundscapes, as well as guided breathing exercises.  This is speaking more to the thinking process, but remind yourself that the dreams aren't real and they can't hurt you.  That doesn't mean you won't have anxiety and you have to fully believe it, it just means that you don't have to get caught up in the fear response.  You also mention that they \"try\" to hurt you.  Have you ever done things to fight them off? Or do you run?  It's OK if your response is to freeze--I'm just curious how you view yourself in that dream.  If you are feeling powerless (which would be normal) it may be worth your time to imagine how you want to fight them off.  What weapons would you choose?  What would escape look like?  Imagining you in charge may help change your experience of the dreams.Also remember that even though panic attacks feel awful, they won't hurt you.  It's a really terrifying feeling to be trapped in your body during an attack, but the response is meant to get us out of danger even though there is no real threat.  If you do a google search for panic attack help sites, there's so many that detail more of this response and how to move through an attack.  Of course, seeing a counselor might be beneficial if you are sensing that there's something bigger underlying the dreams.  Sometimes just having someone listen and understand can ease some suffering.I hope that helps and you find something that works for you!", "Has something scary ever happened when you were carrying your baby before you had panic attacks?  Could have to do with fear of incompetence as a parent, but may be something unrelated.For example, if you got some really bad news when you were carrying your child, your brain may pair those two events together.  Or could it be that the feeling of pressure on your body sets off an anxiety response for you?  Do you have panic attacks when holding your baby sitting down? Or is it just when you are standing/walking?  Paying attention to when exactly its hitting you could give some clues about what is triggering that response.Another thing I'm wondering is if your baby either cries when you are carrying him/her, or if you carry him/her mostly in response to the baby crying.  I'm not sure if you are mom or dad here, but women especially have a very physical response to babies crying.  You can physically see this if you are breastfeeding because it triggers the lactation process.  But it also can trigger some pretty hefty anxiety.  The reason for this makes sense--if we felt nothing when our babies started to cry, we wouldn't be very motivated to attend to them to meet their needs.  If baby is crying when you are holding him/her, it might be triggering that anxiety response and feel a lot of pressure to respond to your baby's needs.  If that turns into a pattern, your body basically expects to feel that way and may respond habitually with panic, even in the absence of baby crying.If you don't think it's related to your baby being upset, you could still be experiencing that habitual response of panic, and especially if you are worried about having a panic attack (which ironically can induce panic).  A counselor may be able to help you untangle what's happening to you and some ways to work through that.  It can be really scary to sit through a panic attack, though there are so many techniques to help.  People have written some really great articles on getting through an attack, and there are other resources you can use like apps (Calm, Headspace, PanicShield, etc.), and youtube has really great videos as well.I also want to mention that if you avoid carrying your baby because of anxiety, that would be a normal response.  Many people who have panic attacks tend to feel guilty about the things that they end up unable to do because of the anxiety they feel.  Remember you are doing the best you can.  You are reaching out, you are concerned.  Guilt about how you deal with anxiety really complicates your experience further, so try to practice some self-compassion if you are going through this.  Kristin Neff has some great resources for that if you are interested: https://self-compassion.org/.I hope all the best for you!", "That really sucks to go through.  There are tons of ways to work with anxiety, both directly and indirectly that can help with what you are dealing with.Do you think you may be experiencing a panic attack?  Sounds like you are feeling some dread about what will happen to you and physical symptoms common with attacks.  Panic attacks are the body's way of trying to alert you to danger, whether that is real or perceived.  It's not something your body does against you, but instead to keep you safe by keeping you in a state where you could react quickly (run, fight, etc.).  This can happen even if there aren't any real threats and you logically know you are safe.  Even if you aren't having panic attacks, that heightened anxiety can still feel really awful and exhausting.What have you done so far that is not working?  When the brain is in that \"danger\" mode, talking it down tends to be unsuccessful--this is very evident in bounds of research we have on how the brain functions.  The part of the brain that senses threats and triggers anxiety responses reacts more effectively to body signals to relax---such as controlled breathing.  Mindfulness breathing techniques have a lot of value for this reason and there are many options available (apps like Calm and Headspace, youtube guided videos, etc).  Try to keep in mind that having anxiety doesn't mean that you are actually in any danger, and mindfulness is not meant to be an escape.  It does help to regulate and make you feel more in control of your body.  Your anxiety will always come back down--you can even track it to see the real-time changes that happen.  It's normal for it to rise and fall a few times during a panic attack, so if you notice a rise, it has no meaning other than that you're body is normally going through it's anxiety response.I think seeing a doctor is a great idea to rule out any other issues happening within the body.  Some medical issues can materialize as anxiety and depression.  Depending on your symptoms, they may even suggest a medication developed for these issues.Anxiety is one of the top researched symptoms, so we do have tons of research available on what works and what's less effective.  We know that talking alone doesn't reduce the body's fear response, unless talking is the method of exposure (talking about a traumatic experience, talking within a group if you have social anxiety, etc.).  For the brain to learn you are safe, it takes experience via exposure while riding the wave of anxiety.  For example, if you fear vomiting, you would expose yourself to things that remind you of vomiting and breathe through the anxiety you feel without avoiding the triggers.  That would teach your brain that those triggers are actually benign, and would no longer  create that panicky response. It'd be difficult to say what that may look like for you, or even if you need that, but it could be worth connecting with a counselor (even online) to discuss these options.  The brain is always flexible to some degree to change, so hang in there while you figure it all out!", "Almost everyone has some level of social anxiety.  Because we need others to survive (this is overwhelmingly true in the research) it makes sense we worry about what others think.  The thing to know is that social anxiety exists on a spectrum.  Some people experience very little, some more, and some feel debilitated by their social anxiety.  This can be influenced by past social experiences, including those within your family.  Going through trauma can make it more likely you will experience higher levels of social anxiety.The ways in which we regulate social anxiety can be really backward.  Because we are worried about embarrassment or judgment from others, we tend to overthink about our responses and react to people awkwardly, which robs us from our spontaneous responses and can  make people feel uncomfortable around us.  That doesn't always mean people are judging you, but it can still get in the way of genuine connection. Ruminating about what others think of you doesn't always mean you have a disorder.  However, if it is interfering with your functioning in any setting, that may be a sign that you could benefit from help.  You can always seek help no matter what level of social anxiety you have.With the condition of the nation right now, there aren't many groups running in person, but social anxiety groups are shown to be super effective for reduction of symptoms.  There may even be some online groups you could partake in if you think you could benefit.", "First off, this is totally expected for someone your age!  You are just moving into the phase of life where your \"job\" is to figure out your identity and who you are.  It's no surprise you are afraid of people, if that's the way you feel you are struggling.If you are worried about people harming you, that paints a different picture.  Do you struggle to trust your evaluations of others?  What makes someone safe (ish) vs. potentially dangerous?  Sitting down and coming up with some ways you have done this in the past or qualities of the people you trust now can help to disentangle what means safety and what means danger. We can never truly know how someone will behave, but if we always choose to never trust, then we miss out on connection as well.  Your brain is still growing so the great news is it's so flexible to change.  It remains flexible for the entire lifespan, but the teen years are really the last time it's so moldable.  If there's someone in your life you can trust, reaching out for help can make how you are feeling less intense.  It's never fun to deal with everything by yourself.  Hope this helps!", "I really admire that you want to express yourself to your parents!  It's very normal to have fear about how to talk to a parent, let alone two at the same time.  Most adults don't do what you want to do.Could you come up with what you want to say to them before you are feeling upset?  What do you really need them to know?  Also, do you want your dad and stepmom to meet certain emotional needs for you?  Maybe they would benefit from knowing that you have a hard time expressing yourself when you are upset and can help to come up with ways to help you through that.   Perhaps you need some space from them when you are crying, or maybe you need to talk to one parent alone vs both at the same time. You don't have to wait to be upset to have these conversations either--if you feel you can approach them when things are \"calm\" (whatever that means for your household), it may be easier to communicate.It's important to know they may not respond the way you want.  It's up to you to decide if you feel safe or not to express yourself, but it seems like you want to if you are seeking an answer for this dilemma!", "When I talk with clients about social anxiety sometimes I'll ask them what they would do if their anxiety was manageable.  Would you want to be more social?  Would that improve you quality of relationships in your life?  These answers can clarify what you want your life to look like and how much socialization you are truly interested in.It's normal to have thoughts and fears about what others are thinking of us, otherwise we'd be pretty shameless in our behavior!  Even though we feel as though we are in the spotlight, the truth is that most people are not focused on us.  There's hundreds of thousands of stimuli the brain processes (especially at a party!) and you are a very small percentage of that.  Think about it this way--if you are at a party with a bunch of other people, why would you be in \"center stage\" vs anyone else at that party?  When people are worried about embarrassment or judgment, they typically act in ways to be less visible in public.  Chances are, people notice you less than they notice others simply because of avoidance behaviors.I don't think it's needed to attend every social event because who has the energy for that?!  But pushing yourself to engage can teach your brain that you can push yourself through these events.  The more you avoid, the more your brain will because the situation is something to fear.  If you can, stick with someone you trust or connect to.  That could help you to enjoy the experience more and frame it somewhat positively.If you really struggle on your own, you could visit a counselor and work on some strategies that fit for you.", "It seems like what you are looking for is a way to advocate for yourself and that's so important in mental health! You know best what is working for you and what isn't, so you are the best person to speak out for yourself to the people that can help you. I have extensive training in substance abuse and medications used in therapy, and I work with many people that take Xanax.  Counselors may not prescribe, but with the right training we can educate and help you move through the complexities of medication usage when paired with therapy. There's definitely some debate about using medication in the counseling world, but many people are prescribed Xanax to cope with big emotional responses.  We don't know much about your situation here--if you are in counseling, what types of other coping skills you've tried to use, etc., so it'd be hard to suggest not taking anything for your symptoms.  You are obviously struggling and sometimes stabilization is the best you can do.  And the fact that you are considering dealing with the attacks as an option is a sign you are willing to negotiate your dosage and maybe even the intense fear you are experiencing.  That's seriously so courageous.A little bit about Xanax--Xanax is a drug in the Benzodiazepine family and is fast-acting.  That means it does only help short-term, but your body also builds a tolerance to it pretty quickly (just as people build tolerance to alcohol).  That could be why they aren't as effective for you at the dosage you are taking, especially if you are prescribed to take them twice a day.  It's really important that you discuss the symptoms you are still having with your prescribing provider, as well as when you are taking the medications so they understand the details of your situation and can determine if or how to modify your dosage.  These providers know a lot about the medication process and the more info they have, the better they can meet your needs.  They are ultimately the ones that will work with you to decide whether or not Xanax is the best for you and your situation.I definitely understand your concern that your provider may basically take away how you cope with panic attacks.  That's a scary thought!  Prescribing providers are typically trained in detecting medication abuse, and it is very common for people with anxiety issues to request higher dosages.  I have had plenty of clients ask for increased dosage.  Not only can this get you the assistance you need at the time you need it, but give you a voice in your treatment.  You may end up using that same voice for request to lower your dosage in the future.I do feel an ethical duty to let you know about some of the dangers of Xanax.  Benzodiazepines are depressants and work on the central nervous system (CNS) to do things like slow down your heart rate, breathing, etc. (as you can feel when they do work).  They should never be taken with any other depressants, such as alcohol, barbiturates, and other medications in the Benzo family.  Combinations like these could be fatal.Another danger is that there's a common pattern of relapse after discontinuing Xanax.  This means that symptoms tend to come back stronger than they were before taking the drug.  The reason for this is because when you are taking Xanax, your brain tries to intensify your fear reaction to override the drug.  So when you discontinue it, your fear reactions are still at those heightened levels.  Your prescribing provider can talk to you more about that and/or the process of tapering off the medication to make that less likely when that time comes for you.If you are in counseling and doing exposure activities, (being exposed to things you fear and sitting through the anxiety response) Xanax does interfere with this process.  The brain can't learn a different response if you feel calm.  This is something your counselor (if you have one) can discuss with you as well.The last thing I'd like to say is that there could be some value to practicing other ways to manage your anxiety if you want to make more long-term changes.  That decision is completely yours!  If/when you feel ready to do that, a counselor can help you learn how to move through anxiety without being as reliant on Xanax.  I hope this is helpful and you find what you need!", "This is very common!  Sleep is when we are most vulnerable and it requires our bodies to let go of control and lose awareness of a lot of our environment.  Has anything bad ever happened to you at night or when you were sleeping? This could be something to consider.  Your body may be feeling a need to protect you by not letting you relax and instead keeping you awake and aware to anything around you.Could you be worrying about what is happening the following day?  It's also normal to have pressures of the next day rolling through our minds before our bodies commit to sleep.  If you pay attention to what you are thinking about before bed, that could tell you a lot about what you worry about in your life.Not everyone is into meditation or mindfulness, but these methods can help send the message to your brain that you are safe.  There are some pretty neat apps like Calm and Headspace, or mindfulness videos on youtube that have a variety of tools to fit what you may need.  It may take a while for these to really start to show results, so keep at it if you have the chance.Journaling can also be a great way to release some of the stress from the day and silence the mind a bit.  Consulting with a doctor may also be a plus if your sleep continues to be impacted.  Not having proper sleep can lead to more anxiety and reduce the body's capabilities to regulate emotion, leading to worsened sleep.  Sometimes having a buffer there can help get your sleep on a better track while you work on the anxiety.  Hope you find some of this helpful!", "That really sucks and I'm sorry that's happening to you.I'm curious what kind of paranoia you are experiencing--like someone will hurt you?  That something bad in general will happen?  Sometimes intrusive thoughts, like paranoid thoughts, are just thoughts.  They don't mean you are actually in danger or that something bad will happen, so pay attention to the meaning you apply to those thoughts.  If you've been through something traumatic such as rape, domestic violence, or any situation like that, it could provoke paranoia bigtime.  Your brain feels as if it has to be \"hypervigilant\", meaning it has to be extra attuned to everything around you to keep you safe.  That's exhausting.  If it's worse at night that probably means you aren't getting much sleep--also exhausting and contributes to heightened paranoia, so it becomes a pretty vicious cycle.It's not shocking that it's worse at night because night is generally a scarier time and sleeping is, physically, when we are in our most vulnerable state.  It can help to take a look at how much of that paranoia is actually helping you to protect yourself vs. how much is additional stress.  A way to figure that out is to ask the question, what behaviors are necessary to keep you safe?  So if you lock your doors, lock the windows, shut the curtains, have an escape plan (if needed--I'm not sure what your situation is), is that the most you can do?  Beyond that, are you performing other behaviors that may not be keeping you safe but exist to cope with the paranoia?  For example, if you are checking over and over to make sure the doors and windows are locked, those behaviors are more like compulsions/rituals that help you feel safe by reducing anxiety even though they use a ton of energy to perform.  Response prevention can be helpful here--this method involves avoiding your usual response so that you can sit with the anxiety rather than escaping it through the behaviors.  Let's say your anxiety rises and you feel the need to check the door lock.  You check the lock, it's for sure locked, and your anxiety is reduced.  At the same time, the behavior of checking the lock is reinforced by feeling better, so your brain decides if you want to feel better, you need to check the lock.  It becomes an exhausting habit that only temporarily makes you feel safe.  However, if you feel a bout of anxiety and sit through it without checking the lock, your anxiety will go back down and your brain learns that you don't need to perform that behavior over and over.  I'm so sad to hear you don't have access to help.  There may be some counselors right now offering reduced-rate or probono (free) sessions via telehealth due to COVID-19, so if you search around on google for your specific state, you may find someone that can help you from your home.  Counselors usually reserve space on their schedules for people that cannot afford therapy or need a lesser rate.You are always welcome to come back to this forum and ask additional questions!", "Only going off of the information in your question, it seems like you maybe have some performance anxiety and fear disappointing your fiance.  Fear can be tricky in the sense that it quite often masquerades as something that seems under our control.  For example, your fear of touching a girl may actually be a fear of being incompetently intimate or a bad fiance--It's easier to deal with those fears by avoiding touch because that gives you control and how else would you deal with those fears? I wonder if your fiance can be of any help to you.  It's scary to admit fears to people close to us but they can also offer some of the best support if that's been something you've experienced with her in the past.It sounds like you are really hard on yourself as well.  It's normal to have anxiety about your first time having sex---that's a really special milestone!  Maybe it's worth looking into performance anxiety tips?  That can help you feel more prepared without removing the spontaneity of intimacy.If it feels like nothing is working for you, you could see a counselor or sex therapist to explore more of that fear.  It's nothing to be ashamed about because it does happen to both men and women!", "So glad you are reaching out.  Panic attacks are very frightening.For some reason (and I promise there is one) your brain is sending off false alarms even though you are probably safe.  This is called the fight or flight response and part of the body's way of fighting off perceived threats (including those that are not genuinely dangerous).Some reasons people have panic attacks is if they are under too much emotional or physical stress, any type of exhaustion or lack of sleep, history of trauma, unprocessed emotions, etc.  You don't have to know why you are having panic attacks to work with them, but it can help to understand its origins and target them at the source.Something to know is that the presence of anxiety does not mean you are in any danger, no matter how much your body is elevated.  Anxiety is just our body's way of letting us know something is off, though it often exaggerates the response because it doesn't always operate from a place of logic.  Triggers could be as small as a word, smell, time of day, or really anything.  Triggers can also be physical sensations inside our bodies.  Though panic attacks are very scary and feel incredibly uncomfortable, they will not kill you.What message might your body be sending you via panic attacks?  Is there any area of your life you could step away from at all to give yourself some relief?  If you pay attention to when panic attacks happen, that could clue you into what is setting off that false alarm.Some apps that are really great for relaxation and use breathing techniques are Calm, Headspace, PanicShield, etc.  Try some out and see which ones really fit for your needs.  Breathing is a great tool because you always have it right there with you and it's something you can control when it feels like your body is out of control.", "It's so brave of you to want to confront your fear! If you want to work with that fear, it might be helpful to try it at home first with someone you trust.  Because the nation is basically in lock down right now, it could be an opportunity to prepare this way.  Notice what you may be thinking when eating in front of someone.  You could even get a recording of a busy place and do some imaginal exposure--imagining an experience while sitting through the rise in anxiety.Once public places start opening back up, you can start small--maybe with gum or something that doesn't fill the mouth too much or create a loud noises.  If you do this repeatedly, it will tell your brain that eating food in public is not dangerous to you and nothing bad happens.  The more you practice doing this, the less scary it will become.  If you avoid it, it will teach your brain that it's a situation to fear.  It's not always possible to stick through it every time (just do the best you can at the moment) and keep trying.I don't know enough about your situation to comment on any other factors, but it's possible there are some social anxieties underpinning your fears.  Pretty common to feel super insecure with food if you fear judgment of others or ruminate on being ridiculed.If you have someone in your life that can just be with you while you practice this in public, that may be a way to keep yourself accountable and get some good support along the way!", "Your very concern about your response to being around children shows that you aren't a bad person--it actually speaks to that you care. Panic attacks are really scary and not easy to deal with.  I wonder what you mean by paranoia--does this mean you are worried about your body's response when you are around kids?  Do you worry about their behavior?  Or does paranoia for you mean that you are worried about other people's judgments of you because of panicking?  If what you are saying is that you are trying to fight off the anxious feelings you have, it could intensify your symptoms because emotions want to be acknowledged.  One way to help manage through that is via deep breathing.  You can check out some videos on youtube that you vibe with and the nice thing about practicing this is it's very easy to do in public without people noticing.I'm also curious about more of the details of what your experience is like.  Are there certain age ranges or behaviors that trigger your anxiety?  Figuring out the specifics of what sparks that response in your body will give you some basic insight into why you are feeling that way and what types of situations to prepare yourself for.  You can do this by paying attention to what happened right before you started feeling anxious.If you are looking for more personalized ways of working through your anxiety, a counselor can help personalize treatment for you.  There are a lot of telehealth counselors available right now at lower rates due to the COVID issue as well.Overall message here is there's so much you can do and your anxiety means nothing bad about you!", "Let me point a couple things out to you.  These thoughts obviously go against your core values, otherwise they wouldn't upset you!  Having thoughts about killing people bugs you, and that's a GOOD sign.  You are also concerned enough to reach out on this chat forum.  That tells me you have put some time into worrying about these thoughts and what they mean.There's absolutely nothing wrong with a thought.  We all have extreme thoughts in life because our brains are built to wander.  Unless you are acting on these thoughts, they are not dangerous.  It's important to note that having a thought doesn't mean you are that thought.  It's pretty easy to assume that our thoughts are who we are, but that couldn't be less true.  If we were our thoughts, we'd be so many different things at once it'd be unimaginable!Something I wonder is if these thoughts feel intrusive to you.  Even if you enjoy them, do they seem to show up without invitation?  When a thought is intrusive in nature, it can often make someone feel as if it is uncontrollable and holds more weight than less intrusive thoughts.  It is also interesting that you mention finding pleasure in thinking about killing in the sense that it's definitely giving you some psychological relief in the moment.  From that, I have two thoughts: 1) could it mean you are trying to cope with something socially upsetting to you via these types of thoughts? and 2) I'm wondering if there is any repressed anger in your life.  You mention being a peaceful person.  Are you usually the peacemaker in your social world?  Do you feel as if people take advantage of you or that you don't have a voice?  Those situations can breed anger and resentment. If you don't allow yourself to feel or express anger, the brain will find a way to do it for you and it's not weird or strange that it would want to send out thoughts that clearly get your attention!Another thing you could try is tracking when the thoughts come up.  Keeping a log can help shed light on what may be triggering them and what their purpose may seem to be.Wishing you all the best!", "That's a really tough situation and it can feel like you have no control as a teen.  Have you checked your state's laws?  In some states, you can choose which parent you live with as long as you are above a certain age.  How comfortable do you feel about talking to your mom about staying there?  Maybe there's a way she can help advocate for you? Or support you in the ways you need?Try to remember that although it may feel like this is your life forever, you only have less than a year until you can make those kinds of decisions for yourself.  When your therapist becomes available again, it may help to come up with a plan to make it through the time you do have left.  That can include things that help calm you, things that help you survive your dad's house if you have to go, friends you may be comfortable confiding in, etc. If you are feeling like you need more emotional support, you can text HOPE to 741741 (the Hopeline)--they are a great resource that doesn't require too much privacy if you are around other people.", "It's so tough to watch your children struggle and it seems like you care strongly about how she is feeling.I think there's a lot of questions that come to mind when I read this question.  What things upset her?  How often do these things occur?  What would it mean if it \"broke\" her?  Also, is she a high school or college student still living at home, or a college student living out of home?  Just with the information given, it's possible she has some perfectionistic tendencies.  What this can mean is that there is a very clear intolerance for anything she sees as a failure, whether or not it truly is.  It can also mean that she neglects other important areas of her life in order to focus her attention on her academics.  Many people that deal with perfectionism often sacrifice social opportunities for work, which can be really lonely and stressful.Another thing to consider is that it may have nothing to do with being perfect.  If she is living out of the home, is this her first time out on her own?  That's a difficult change all in its own.  If she's still at home, is she nearing the age of graduation and feels the pressure of figuring out her life/career path?  Does she have other social issues going on with friends or is in an unhealthy relationship?  No matter the answers to these questions, you are the best judge of what your daughter may need.  It could be worth having a conversation to understand her perspectives and assess her willingness to see a professional.  And make sure you are taking care of yourself as well!  It's easy as a parent to become enmeshed with our children's pain when they are hurting, but taking care of yourself can best prepare you to help your child.", "I'm so sorry you lost your mom.  Grief is a tough process.  Usually the pain from loss doesn't go away, but changes in ways that are manageable for your life.  When most people lose someone, others offer a lot of support.  After a while that support tapers off even though your need for support doesn't.  It's important to identify people or resources that can be there for you when you are still hurting.  Do you have anyone in your life that is pretty constant?  There are also many grief support groups online (e.g., https://www.griefshare.org/), and are usually some in person depending on your area.  These may be temporarily discontinued due to the COVID-19 situation, though they may be doing these groups online as a way to offset the social distancing requirements.I know nothing about what your relationship with your mom was, the manner in which she passed, or how old you are, but many times that can come with some pretty complicated emotions.  I also don't know if you lost your mom through death--some people lose a parent via abandonment or a disease, such as dementia.  No matter what the situation is, whatever pain shows up for you is completely OK.  Many people feel much more than sadness, especially if the relationship with their loved one was problematic or if the loss was unexpected or traumatic.  It's normal to feel intense anger, guilt, feelings of disbelief, even happiness or relief.  Grief does not have the same path for everyone and whatever path you are on is not wrong.When I work with a client that has had a significant loss, there are a number of things I may work on with them.  One is letter writing.  This isn't for everybody and some people need support and guidance with this.  Sometimes there are things we feel have been unsaid and it can provide a sense of closure.  For some people it helps feel connected to that person again.  Closure is not necessary to be able to move through grief, but it can be helpful.  If the client feels it would be useful, we also try to find a way to honor that person.  That may be through talking about them, having a monthly or yearly ritual, or carrying on a tradition they enjoyed.  It also depends on the culture you come from as well.  Many different cultures have different beliefs about death and loss and the ways they think of or honor their loved one.  Stick with what you feel speaks to your heart.Of course, a counselor who specializes in grief may be a great option.  You can find someone in your area or online in your specific state that has the training for that.  Counselors without that specialization may also be able to provide you some help--I don't know any counselors who haven't had training in this area.  Counselors are usually happy to answer your questions about their qualifications.I hope this helps you find some support!", "I'm going to second that it is completely brave of you to share something you kept hidden for over 30 years.  That's a HUGE deal!Something awesome about the brain is that it can learn at any time in the human lifespan.  No matter how long you have dealt with the affects of trauma, your brain has potential to rewire and change how it operates.  This is just my assumption, but it sounds like you are just realizing the impact the trauma has had and is continuing to have on your life.  First of all, that's phenomenal information--many people spend their lives blind to these influences and may never get help.  On the other hand, it can be super overwhelming to now have all this insight about yourself and not know how to deal with it.  It's OK to feel that uncertainty and/or stress about the process--that's totally expected and will most likely feel less powerful the more you move through healing.I understand your fears about pushing away someone you care about and that seems important to you.  That's quite a normal behavior as a result of childhood trauma.  When we are first learning our relationship to others and the world as children, trauma can teach us that others are unsafe or may hurt us.  Almost all my clients have experienced childhood trauma and one of the things we spend time exploring is what they may be trying to protect themselves from by pushing others away.  Vulnerability can be scary for everybody, but why specifically is it scary for you?  I bet there's a really logical reason!It's unclear how long you've known this man and how connected you feel to him, but could he potentially be a support person for you?  If you feel uncomfortable with that, that doesn't mean anything bad.  It just means you aren't ready.  It's not easy to talk about such hard things.  It does seem like you know that you behave in ways that push him away--what would your behavior look like if you didn't?  That doesn't mean sharing everything or no boundaries, but meeting him somewhere in the middle.  Sometimes the brain needs evidence that being vulnerable doesn't always equate to danger or rejection.As others have noted, a counselor can help if you so choose to go that route.  I can't say what your journey will look like, but I already have so much hope for you since you are obviously incredibly courageous and motivated to work to make your life better.  If 8 year old you can make it through trauma, then 40 year old you can definitely work through this!", "The fact that you are concerned shows that you absolutely have emotions about lacking emotions.  Seems like you fear that you are becoming a sociopath, and that alone shows you have emotions.It is incredibly normal to feel \"numb\" after a trauma like rape.  The emotional impact of rape can be beyond overwhelming, which the brain responds to by basically suppressing those circuits from awareness.  It doesn't mean your emotions don't exist--you brain is just trying to protect you from feeling them.  Because our brains aren't great at selectively burying emotions, it tends to take them all at once.  So when new, emotionally upsetting events happen, the brain sees allowing any emotion through as a threat to the system, so to speak.Speaking to a counselor could help to process through how you are feeling about lacking emotion.  If you search in your area or online for a telehealth therapist, chances are you will find a therapist that has a background in treating trauma that would suit your specific needs.  That may mean that they will recommend talking through your trauma, which can seem like a very daunting task; however, the sooner you process through it, the less it has the power to take over your life.It's actually really astonishing that you are reaching out for help and I so hope you are able to find what you need!", "There's so many treatments for PTSD and trauma-related issues.  Your path might look different than what someone else's path looks like, though most people benefit from learning emotional awareness and regulation, increasing tolerance for talking about traumatic situations, and a deep understanding of how to tell the difference between a past vs. present event.  A counselor that you feel connected to can offer you a safe place to explore these areas and come up with a personalized treatment plan.  It's common to feel worse when you're addressing the tough stuff, but there's really no shortcut to healing.  Even if you don't see a counselor, believe in your ability to get through those emotions.  You've probably been enduring some intense emotions if your life is being turned upside-down, so you can definitely make it through whatever is causing you pain--and remember you don't have to do it alone.Bessel Van Der Kolk (basically the leading trauma researcher) has an amazing book called 'The Body Keeps the Score'.  It's the trauma bible. It's all about how the body reacts to and stores trauma, with many different ways to cope.  Trigger warning though--he does share some client stories that involve trauma.  They aren't the bulk of his book but they do show up so just be aware of that.  You can find his book on amazon pretty cheap.You've already reached out and that's a big part of getting your life back.  Keep pushing through!", "A pedophile by definition is anyone who is sexually attracted to children.  This is applicable to children to are pre-pubescent.  So I'm repeating others here, but you are not a pedophile!The fact that you worry about this means that you wouldn't be OK with being a pedophile.  Sounds like you have a healthy reaction to your girlfriend!", "It's really admirable that you are reaching out to get help for something that can be very hard to deal with on your own.Many counselors work based off a sliding-scale, meaning they may lower their fees to meet client's needs.  This can vary by location and therapist availability.  Another option is to try searching for counselors that would consider working with you probono.  There's no harm in asking!It also may be helpful to check with your insurance company to see what services they cover and what their copay is.  If it turns out that you are unable to find what you need, there are still many online support groups you can search via Google and/or Facebook that are specifically geared toward loss of loved ones.", "Absolutely!  Exposure techniques in counseling have shown to be extremely effective for working through compulsions.  First thing I would say is to make sure you feel a good connection with your counselor and you feel it's a good fit.  It's hard to get through that anxiety already, but having a counselor that feels right for you will help to buffer that a bit and help guide you through the exposures.Not sure what kind of access you have in your area, but some counselors that specialize in exposure therapy will actually come to you to support you through an exposure.  It's very treatable so just take it a step at a time and hang in there!", "It seems like you are being extra hard on yourself here!  The behavior he exhibits is pretty normal for a three year-old.  Sounds like he may feel more emotionally dysregulated upon waking and wants one of his love sources to help him stabilize that.  It's probably more instinctual and not personal to you.Give yourself some credit for how things are the rest of the day---that's information that you've done well.  You even describe that he \"loves\" you!  That's huge!Either way, I'm sure it's jarring to go through that in the mornings.  Is there a routine you use to help him make that transition?  I don't know what his parents' rules are, but there could be some ways to incorporate some predictable structure.  Maybe that means his favorite toy/stuffed animal paired with his favorite cartoon.  You seem very caring, so it's probably likely you are already offering some compassionate response to his upset.  It may help to have him take a couple deep breaths with you if he's able to help self-regulate.  He may not be responsive to that and that's OK.  Either way, it sounds like this is only happening upon waking.Another thought--do his parents know this is happening?  Maybe they have some ideas about how to help soothe him or perhaps they have some strategies they can use the night before (e.g., talking to him about the emotions of the morning hours).  Let yourself off the hook though--you seem to be doing a wonderful job with this kiddo!", "I used to do sessions in the middle school where I live and it's an epidemic.  Many schools struggle to address these problems and leave people like you feeling alone and lost.  I'm so sorry you have to go through that.Do they physically hurt you?  Not that emotional pain isn't just as worse, but sometimes adults act quicker when someone is assaulting you.  You can also report them if you feel comfortable (enough) to.  Police involvement may be suitable if you fear for your physical safety.No matter what you choose, there are some things you can do.  One is very hard but also really effective long-term---don't react to them at all.  I don't know if this is one person or a number of people, but they are getting a reward every time they bully you--your reaction.  That does not mean their actions are your fault or that you share any of the responsibility for how they treat you.  Their actions are their poor choice, never yours...that's why you are reaching out for help!  When you stop giving them a reaction, \"comeback\", etc., they may try to step it up in order to get a response from you.  If you continue to ignore them, after a time bullies tend to stop the behavior because they are no longer being rewarded for being mean.  If they start physically hurting you or hurt you worse than before, I would really challenge you to talk to someone so you are at least safe.If you don't feel like that's possible or it turns out to be unhelpful, reaching out to people you trust or asking your parents for help with finding a counselor could be beneficial for you.  Being bullied can make you feel really alone, so it's very important to have someone to talk to that you trust.  Sounds like you have been needing this for a long time.I'm not sure if you are in middle school or high school, but some schools offer activities or clubs that focus on building certain skills or interests.  Sometimes this can help you find your people when you feel like you don't belong anywhere.  It can also help to make you more confident in something you do, which can reflect as confidence to others.It's also important to ask yourself when you have felt strong in the past or recently.  What gives you strength?  Is it a hobby, a friend, a pet?  Or is it what you know about yourself, like a value you have or your morals?  Even turning your awful experiences into something meaningful (e.g., creating an anti-bullying group, standing up for others, etc.) can contribute to the feeling of strength or resilience.  You are already seeking help at a young age, which is amazing and also hard.  There's some part of you that is fighting for yourself, so whatever you do next know that that exists in you!", "Here's what I'm already picking up on from you: 1) you are motivated to advocate for your needs, 2) you value connecting with your therapist in some form, and 3) you have at least a basic understanding of what you want/need from therapy.  Finding a therapist that fits can be a difficult task.  Every counselor has their own style and some just tend to mesh well with certain personalities--factors beyond our control.  If you look at it in terms of specialties, many therapists will identify those on their company's websites and/or during an intake.  It is important to know what your therapist is competent in because you are sacrificing so much time, energy, and finances into the process!Figuring out if your counselor is a match for the issues you present with can be relatively quick to discover (usually this happens during intake when the counselor informs the client about their areas of expertise). On the other hand, it may take a few sessions to learn whether or not you feel a connection with your counselor.  In the research we have on clinical outcomes, it is shown over and over again that the relationship is key--treatment techniques alone play a very small role in client change when the counselor-client bond is lacking.  I wonder if maybe there is a fear here that your therapist may not understand you or may guide you in the wrong direction.  When I have a client with these fears, it's crucial we process their expectations of and goals for therapy, as well as realistic ways I can help support them in those goals that fit their individual needs.  You may find that some therapists don't meet your needs and that's OK.  It's normal to feel discouraged about therapy not working out, but it's important to continue to search for the best match for you.", "It is never out of the ordinary to get emotional during a session.  Sometimes we will ask clients to talk about some pretty intense topics, and that can easily trigger the emotions wired with those topics.Even knowing that, it can be really tough to experience that level of vulnerability. If you are seeing a therapist currently, it could help to process how it feels to you to show raw emotion if that's something that concerns you.Either way, it is awesome that your body was able to let some stress out for you!", "Counselors are actually required to have many skills before walking into the field.We need to know a lot about all disorders, as well as techniques that best compliment them; however, that may look different depending on who we are sitting with.  That skill is the ability to integrate assessments over the span of counseling to best fit the client's needs.  Humans are complex so it's important to stay flexible!Because the client-counselor relationship is the best predictor of therapy outcomes, skills here are crucial.  Counselors need to really be authentic, which includes sharing empathetic responses with the client.  I have met a few clients that worry that those skills are feigned because it's our job, but these responses are very real.  We care about our clients and want to express that to them.A skill that we use often all through counseling but especially in the beginning is conceptualization.  Very important because it not only helps in understanding our clients' perspective, but helps to get a picture of the different pieces of why someone is functioning the way they are.  Yes, humans are complex, but we become pretty simple when you work out all the parts.  For example, if your pattern is to yell in arguments, a way to conceptualize that is that the trigger is the argument, your body goes into fight mode, you feel adrenaline and anger, you then yell to reduce anger.  That reduction you feel in anger reinforces yelling, and if it made you feel better in the moment, that's a reward even if you feel guilty later on.  Every behavior can be conceptualized and helps both the counselor and client understand all the elements of functioning and helps guide the focus.Some counselors specialize in areas or have a niche.  That doesn't make a counselor better than any other counselor, but could make them a better fit for you.  Knowing what you need out of a counselor is most important!", "I usually don't label a client as \"difficult\" because whatever they are presenting with makes sense for how they believe they need to live.  \"Difficult\" is also so subjective, so it could mean something different for each person.It can be really hard for most counselors to feel stuck with a client.  Sometimes both the counselor and client have \"blind spots\" where we aren't aware of how functioning is surviving or we're unsure of how to move forward despite many attempts to do so.  Some clients are also ambivalent to change even though they show up to counseling.  Most of my client load is comprised of teens that are mandated to be in therapy or day treatment and at times, it's a struggle to build a relationship as a result.  It takes take to work through that, and a patient, understanding counselor will know to allow the client to meet at their own pace.I think it's common for counselors to sometimes perceive something as more difficult than it really is.  I've definitely been guilty of that.  All some clients need is just someone who will listen, understand, and extend empathy.  We can fall into expectations of our clients growth that may not even be needed or realistic.No matter what a client comes into session with, they should never be blamed for their issues or made to feel like they are, themselves, difficult.  Therapy is hard, and when you see a counselor it's usually because you are having difficulties that feel unsolvable on your own." ]

[ "It would probably be helpful to connect her to a counselor rather than a doctor as a doctor can only prescribe medication to treat the symptoms and is unlikely to be able to affect the underlying problem.", "There is no such thing as a therapist that is \"right\" for someone. Outside of getting a \"bad\" therapist who shouldn't be in the industry almost any counselor should be able to make the appropriate choices. Remember counseling is a process, you and the therapist work together for the common goal of your mental health. The best way to train them for what you need is to communicate. \"What you said last time was really helpful\", \"I don't think this homework is something I'm ready to commit to\". \"I like learning more about skills\" or \"I just have a lot on my mind this session and I really just want to be heard\"." ]

[ "It sounds like a tough time and it's normal to feel down when your family is going through a divorce or other hardship. There's a difference between feelings like sadness, discouragement, grief, loneliness and depression, though. Sadness is sadness and sometimes we have to go through a grieving or other process, that is a normal reaction to events in our lives. Depression, on the other hand, is more about being stuck. Lulling yourself with self-care sounds like a healthy response and a way to give yourself support. So as to the uncomfortable but healthy part of your feelings, do the best you can to put names to it and share with a trusted other person. You will find comfort. The part of your situation that's depression -- feeling stuck, not able to get out of bad, concentrate, changes in sleeping and eating, loss of enjoyment in living, poor hygiene, feelings of hopelessness, that's different. First step, identify your own symptoms of depression. If you have any thoughts of hurting yourself, tell someone. If you're not sure, you can try 800-lifenet or other support line to get feedback. First aid for depression includes: daily care and feeding, good sleeping and eating, lots of exercise--even when you don't feel like it-- healthy socializing, and focusing on talking to yourself in a positive way. If you aren't able to move yourself out of your depression,  work with a professional to make short-term goals and get some support. You may also talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about trying an anti-depressant to give you a little lift while you go through a rough patch.Best wishes,Karen", "First, let me express my support and compassion for what you're going through. Hearing voices can be incredibly difficult and can feel like you can't get a moment's peace, even in the privacy of your own mind. And not everyone will necessarily understand what you're dealing with, so I imagine you may also be feeling isolated or somehow different. Atta girl/boy on reaching out for help! Many people find benefit to taking medications, such as risperdal, seroquel, and so on. These should be prescribed by a nurse practitioner or psychiatrist -- I do not recommend a primary care doctor venture into this area, as a general rule. Discuss the options thoroughly and insist on a good rapport with your prescriber, if you decide to go this route. Some people are having results with a talk-therapist to develop coping strategies. There is a new and somewhat less conventional approach to challenging voices with a professional to assist you, rather than to suppress the voices, which medication will do. There is peer-run organization and a general approach that attempts to live with voices in a different way.  You can read about it in Living With Voices by Marius Romme. I have heard interviews but have not read the book(s) and can't speak to its efficacy. No matter what steps you decide to try, managing your stress, sleep, exercise, healthy food is essential -- in other words, just the daily care and feeding of yourself should be included in all of your efforts and bears surprising benefits to your brain and emotional health. Best wishes to you,Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC", "You're in a difficult situation and on behalf of you and your child, I commend you for trying to find the right thing to do.Short version: your child needs you as much as possible. period. Always. We used to think that children were almost always harmed by divorce, unless there was extreme conflict or violence. More recent data shows that children are not necessarily harmed by divorce if they keep both their parents. In other words, the damaging part is losing half of themselves and losing the value of being connected to everyone who loves them, especially the other parent, in addition to the extra benefit there is from the other parent's perspective, strengths and so on. The best thing for your child is for you to be available and loving and doing everything possible to allow the child to be whole - a person who incorporates BOTH parents. It's a tragedy for everyone to use a child to achieve adult aims, like getting back at a former spouse. In such a circumstance, your child needs you more than ever. If you and your wife have different rules and so on, your child will learn to adjust and adapt, just as they would if you remained in the household. A child quickly learns that they talk to mom about x,y,z or get away with whatever, but has different rules with dad. He/she will not be too confused in the long run. Please stay the course in dealing with a difficult ex-wife for you and your child's wellbeing. Best of luck to all.", "You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not \"loving ourselves\" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us.  Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you! You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer. Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman.", "First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences, the short, healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period. What you can do, is take care of yourself. With his background, it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control, unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries, manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term, certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support, to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior, only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past (by staying in the relationship), that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to \"handle violent outbursts.\" They shouldn't be handled at all, and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe, then that may be what you will have to do. We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the odds of another person's behaviors, but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first, ensure your own safety above all. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to, and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life, you will be happier if you manage your own feelings, set boundaries, etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey. Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery.", "Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can be held in the hospital for up to 72 hours, whether he agrees or not. Some hospitals will not hold a person that long, in spite of what we might want. I have seen many patients in and out of hospitals countless times, and it has been my experience that it can be extremely difficult to hold a person long enough to achieve good stability and an appropriate after-care plan. Hospitals in NYC tend to take a \"patch and release\" approach more often than I would like. It's been my experience that family makes a difference. Assertive, knowledgeable, persistent family can improve the quality of your loved one's care. Hospitals are highly pressured to discharge people quickly but they can not discharge a homeless person without someplace to go. If your family is willing to accept your brother, that will be the path of least resistance for the hospital. If the family refuses, they will be forced to find another path for him. You can also pressure the hospital to refer to rehab after psychiatrically stablized (which may only take a few days) and that may give your brother more time to begin making clear-headed decisions. If your brother has a psychiatrist, that person should be actively involved. I had a patient patched-and-released three times, in spite of my advocacy and him literally begging to remain and stop his voices. We finally got a 90 day hospitalization because I strong-armed his psychiatrist into demanding that the hospital stabilize his patient.  If your brother has a history of non--compliance with oral medications, you can push the hospital for injection, which again will help your brother stay stable for longer. Best wishes to you and your family.", "Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an \"addict\" or \"alcoholic.\" You might have a \"problem\" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. I don't have information to know if \"addiction\" or \"dependence\" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation.  One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a disease of avoidance. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness.", "It's not easy to be married to an alcoholic and I want to extend my support to you.  Without knowing the pattern of his substance use, I'll accept your description that he is an addict. The short version is that his addiction is not in your hands. Period. However, addiction is a \"family disease\", so you are definitely connected to it. Most people benefit from professional help, whether they are the addict or the other person. You might read some material from al-anon to improve your insight into how addiction works within relationships. It is safe to say that you are likely to have a role as a \"co-dependent\" or \"enabler\". The most common pattern is doing overt and subtle things that insulate the addict from the consequences of their behaviors. From calling out sick for the person when they're hung-over to allowing money to pay for alcohol, to simply remaining in the relationship, these are all behaviors that make the addiction more likely to continue. Change is difficult for all of us, especially when a physical dependency on a substance may be involved. But the awkward truth is that not one of us ever made a change unless we were in at least some pain. Pain in our present circumstance is a requirement to achieve change. By \"enabling\" your husband, you minimize that pain. Let me state again, though, that his addiction is not in your control and it's not for you to fix. You can, however, change your own behaviors in ways that might change his odds. Even if he does not get over his drinking addiction, as a general rule, you will be happier if you stop being a participant in it. Many people find that an addiction removes the addict from the relationship -- they're not really there, even if they appear to be. At the same time, there's a third person -- the substance. Some people choose not to remain in a relationship that's constructed in this odd and off-balance way.I hope that gives you some thought-starters but I would encourage you to seek in-person help from a local provider. And I wish for you and your husband recovery and well-being. Best regards,Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC" ]

[ "For starters, commend yourself for being committed to working. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next second, so focusing on thinking you will never have a good career or amount to anything financially is creating a fictitious story.  Remind yourself of that every time the thought pops up.  The false belief that nothing good will happen is sucking out energy you can use on pursuing your career dreams. Next, do you know what you need to do to become an electrician or heavy machinery operator? If not, find out. Then, set up a realistic schedule for yourself to accomplish the steps. As you accomplish each step, see your progress.  Notice that you are moving closer to your goal.  Every day remind yourself why you are pursuing this career.  In fact, write it down and tape it on your bathroom mirror.  When you start to feel discouraged, remember your goal and remind yourself that you have no idea if you'll make it or not but you are going to give it everything you have to find out. Anything worth pursuing is going to take a lot of persistence and hard work. Stay with it! You and your family are worth it!", "Though I don't know for sure, it sounds like anxiety to me. I think it would be helpful if you work with a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders.", "It's normal for a child to be so angry she wanted someone to die, but this seems to be heading into a dangerous realm. I think it would be wise to have her seen by a child psychologist just to rule out anything more serious.", "In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him.  It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.", "My answer is going to be super simplistic but I believe this may be what you need. Ask your husband if he wants to stay married to you.  If he says yes, then it would be helpful to go to a marriage counselor and work this out with a professional.  If he says no, then you can file for divorce.", "Divorce is expensive emotionally and financially. If your fiance is not ok with an open marriage, it would be a good idea to seek the help of a counselor before you get married." ]

[ "I understand that this can be difficult when you care about someone. Have you had a discussion with your mom as to why she does not want you and this boy to see each other, and what her concerns are? It sounds as though you and your mom may be able to use some help with communicating, and compromising. It is understandable that you do not to feel comfortable having  to lie to your mom. It  would be helpful if she could understand that you having to lie to he is getting in the way of you being able to go to her with any issue and  feel she will hopefully understand or try to understand where you are coming from.  Have either one of you been in family therapy? This may be something you may want to suggest to your mom to help you both understand where each one is coming from. If your mood is sad, and your feeling worse, it is important that you reach out to an adult, parent, person at school whom you trust to share your feelings and help you feel understood and work through your problems.", "It seems that you have been very disconnected from each other which naturally  could contribute to symptoms of saddness and even depression. Obviously something has shifted which you do not understand. Therefore,  perhaps you should consider attending Couples therapy to help work through your concerns and feelings?  It would also be beneficial to assess if in fact any depression or other underlying issue is going on. Communication is so important in any relationship and the manner in which we express ourselves to our partner can either invite curiosity and emotional connection, or shut down connection. IMAGO dialoguing is a helpful tool for couples for communication as it teaches  validating and empathic listening to better heal disconnection." ]

[ "That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions.  You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack.  There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.Examples of action plans:Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control youArrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing controlTalk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan ForwardCutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard HalpernA counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition.", "You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma.  Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you.  When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past.  This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being.  This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen.  Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred.  A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt.  We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life.  In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong.  The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you.  The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness.  Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help.  If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience.  I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life." ]

[ "Your happiness and healthiness is key.  I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.  You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.  When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.  Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.  The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.  You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.", "That depends entirely on the doctor you go to for your hormones.  WPATH, the World Professional association for Transgender Health, new standards of care say the therapy before hormones and a letter are recommended. There is a standard of care, ICATH which follows informed consent.  ICATH takes into the consideration that your body is your own and therefore your own choice as to what happens to it. There are doctors in metro areas that practice informed consent where you would not need to have a letter stating you have been to counseling.  Some doctors still require a letter from a counselor.  When you call to set up an appointment, ask the doctor if they require a letter.  If they require a letter, you will need to see a counselor.", "Hi, as an affirming gender therapist I like to let people know that like sexuality, gender is a spectrum too.  It's possible to look like a girl and feel more like a boy, just as it's possible to feel halfway between a boy and a girl, or anywhere else on a horizontal line with two points between it.  Some people use different pronouns or words to express their gender and that's okay.  It's up to you to find out what is most comfortable." ]

[ "This sounds frightening and overwhelming, and I’m glad you are reaching out for help. I can’t say for sure your children are being abused but I can understand your  suspicion since there appears to be a change your children’s behavior. I think it would be important for you to keep an eye on the situation Incase you notice any other changes. If you become more concerned, even  suspicions of child abuse are reportable to  Family protective services. If they feel it is necessary they can do an  investigation. You are doing the biggest thing for your children by being there for them and supporting them.", "I’m glad that you are reaching out for help. What you are experiencing is common for people who have experienced abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma. When people experience trauma they develop a feeling of shame and start becoming self critical. Therapy can help regulate these thoughts and feelings of abandonment so they are not so overwhelming. Negative self talk can be extremely  exhausting. You are already starting the healing process by becoming self aware and seeking help. Best wishesKatrina Whitehead MA LPCC", "I’m glad that you are reaching out for help. What you are going though sounds overwhelming and  exhausting. Here is a link that talks about the signs of an abuse relationship if you are questioning  whether or not you are experiencing an abusive relationship https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htmThis maybe a lot of information to take in so if you feel overwhelmed I would encourage you to talk to a therapist.  Also every state has a domestic non-profit that can assist you with support or resources. If you are struggling to find one in your area I can help you. They can help you safety plan and give additional information that might be of assistance.  In abusive relationships, unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change your partners behavior. It is up to her to make that decision.  A lot of time in abusive relationships  asserting  your boundaries can put you at risk for more abuse. I would encourage you to use your gut in this situation because you know your relationship better then anyone else.  The best thing for you to do is to keep yourself emotionally and physically safe. I would encourage against couples counseling because it can also become unsafe in an abusive relationship. You are making a big step in looking for help.", "I’m glad that you  are seeking help and that you are supporting your friend. I’m sure this is all overwhelming and frustrating for you. The biggest thing you can do for your friend is to be supportive as you are already doing. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do for her outside of that because it is up to her husband to change and up to your friend if she wants to leave. There are things you can do to support more: it might be helpful for her to have some information on a domestic violence non profit in her area because they can assist her in many areas if she wants to leave. They can also provide you with support while you go through this with her. The nonprofit can also safety plan with her and it might be helpful for you to do it with her if you want to. Another thing you can do is support her in decision to stay with her husband or not despite what she decides. Many victims decide to stay with thier abusive partner for many reasons. It is important to support her decisions, even if you don’t agree with them, because she may have very little decision making in her relationship. I would also encourage you to make sure you are taking care of yourself while you support her so you are not becoming too overwhelmed. Here is some info that might be helpful to you. https://abuseintervention.org/sandbox77/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/How-to-Help-a-Loved-One.pdf", "I’m glad that you are reaching out for help. All of this sounds overwhelming and confusing. All of what you discribed is common in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do that will change his behavior. He has to make that decision for himself. It is difficult for abusers to do this because they have to admit that thier behavior is fully thier responsibility. Abusers, a lot of times, will say they’re sorry or make promises to change and then turn around and become abusive again. I would strongly discourage any couples counseling because in an abusive relationship this can become very dangerous for the victim. Individual therapy for both of you you be a safer rout. I would also encourage you to reach out to a domestic violence non profit near you because they can help you safety plan and provide counseling if you want it. Here is some information on the cycle of violence that might be helpful for you  http://www.bfwc.org/pdf/Cycle%20of%20Violence.pdfI hope you are safe and I wish you the best.", "Thank you for reaching out and I can see that this is getting to the point that it is becoming overwhelming with all that is going on. To address your question, the best answer is that it will take time and from what I read you are still living through it , so your feelings are perfectly normal for the situation. I get the  impression that you really need someone to process through all that you have been through and unfortunately getting  adequate feedback would best be done meeting one on one with a therapist vs. through a question answer forum. If you are currently in school you could see about meeting with a school therapist or if you are over the age of 15, in most states you can consent to your own therapy. If you choose not to meet with a therapist I would encourage you to call a crisis hotline to help you safety plan to keep yourself safe around your parents 1-800-273-8255  If you chose to meet with a therapist keep in mind that a lot of what you experienced can be reported to Family protective services since you are a minor. You can also choose to make a report if you are feeling unsafe with your parents. I’m glad to hear that you have your grandmother for support. I’m sure this is a lot to take in and I wish you the best.", "I’m sorry you are experiencing this and I’m glad that you are looking for help and support. I’m not sure of all the details so take from answer what you can. If you are feeling unsafe or scared in your relationship please know that there are non profit domestic violence services that can help and provide you some more support. They can also safely plan with you if you choose to leave. It seems that you might be feeling defeated and if that’s the case a lot of domestic violence non profits provide free counseling if you are needing to talk to someone. What you are going through can be overwhelming and your are taking the right steps toward healing", "What you are experiencing is common with survivors of abusive relationships. Even abusive relationships have positive moments in them and typically for survivors those are things they still love and care about of the abuser. A lot of it could also be grief over the loss of the relationship and also your children. A lot of time people return to thier abuser because that’s the only support that they have. If this is something you are going through I would encourage you to seek out a domestic violence non profit in your area because they can provide you with additional support.  I don’t know the whole situation but keep in mind that abusers will make promises and say what they think the other person wants to hear to get them to return. Attached is an example of what I am talking about: http://www.bfwc.org/pdf/Cycle%20of%20Violence.pdfBased on what you decide I would encourage you to keep  caution and boundaries. It might be helpful to safety plan with a domestic violence non profit." ]

[ "The most important agent of change in therapy is your relationship with your therapist. It is so important for you to find a therapist that you trust and feel comfortable enough to just lay everything out there and be vulnerable with. Therapy is really building a safe and healthy relationship with a professional that can then help guide you in some of the most intimate and emotional parts of your life. This relationship does take time to build, but usually you can get a sense of a therapist's personality and approach from their bio and website. Once you have found someone that you think you could really connect with, then it's about looking at do they have the expertise you need. Do they have training in relationship counseling or in working with anxiety, depression, or trauma? It is important to find an expert in the field so you are getting the best care possible...just like if you were to go to a general family doctor versus a specialist. I hope that is helpful!" ]

[ "Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents weren’t listening to me. It’s even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in. Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didn’t, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives. Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety. Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in. Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, it’s true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctor’s office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards. Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be “in the moment” and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your “happy place.” Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it! Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students. Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue. I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best!", "Hi there. Thank you reaching out for help. It takes a lot of courage for someone that is being abused to reach out for help. I want you to know that I am here to help you in any way that I can. First and foremost, you did not mention whether or not you had children yourself by this man. I’m going to assume there are. So, the most important thing right at this moment is asking yourself, if you and your children are safe? Is the boyfriend currently living in the home or is he coming and going? If he is coming and going or currently living in the home, my suggestion for you to is to pack a bag for you and your children and go somewhere safe (i.e. family members home, friend or a shelter temporarily). I cannot stress this enough. Although, some people tend to minimize their abusers behavior (i.e. they only do it when they are drinking, they only do it when they are mad), it’s those individuals that find themselves or their children in a serious situation. So, you can never take abuse (physical or mental) lightly because you never know what is going through that persons mind at that particular time. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Secondly, it will not be safe, helpful or productive to attempt to talk to the abuser about your relationship. Abusers often times try and manipulate you into staying by apologizing or attempting to justify their behaviors. This is the time you would want to go see a magistrate in order to get a protective order for you and your children.It’s unfortunate that your significant other was involved with another women causing pregnancy; however, that is no longer your concern. Your concern at this point is keeping yourself and your children safe. I would also suggest counseling for you and your children in order to work through these issues. I hope this was helpful and please stay safe and take care of yourself.", "Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for \"just being tired.\" Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better! do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.", "Thank you for reaching out! That is a great question! As an American, I can truly say that I spend way too much time on the go! It is a proven fact that Americans live in a fast paced environment compared to Europe! I often ask myself, what if I only had one day left on this Earth? What would I do? Well, that is an easy question. I would spend it with my family! Easier said than done when we are living in a tomorrow kind of World, right? Its hard to focus on the now when we are so consumed in what tomorrow shall bring.Time management is a very important factor when learning to \"live life to the fullest\"! In fact, this is a required course in undergraduate college now. Everyone manages their time differently and it is up to you to decide how you would like to do this. Personally, for myself I like to keep a calendar with a to-do list. I always place my most important tasks at the top of the list. That way, if I do not get through the list, I am not stressing over the little things. When planning your day, it is important you schedule work, eat and play. A much as it is hard not to work after getting off work, it must be done. There is discipline involved in this process. If you have trouble with this, then maybe seeking out some accountability such as including a coworker to make sure you do not bring work home once your shift is over or your spouse/partner reminding you that this is a time for play and not work.These are just some ideas that I am throwing out there. Again, everyone has their own style on time management. I hope this was helpful for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything further!", "Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women. There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run. If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!", "Hi there. Wow, this sounds like a sticky situation; however, I’m here to help guide you through this decision. First and foremost, you must ask yourself, if you ever loved your sons’ father or was it a situation to where you two got pregnant and stayed together for the child. It’s very common to stay with your partner when a child is involved regardless, if love is involved or not because “it’s the right thing to do.” Right? Well, not entirely. Although, staying with your partner because you have a child together may seem right, in fact, it hurts the child in the long run. If you are not love with your partner, you will show distance, unhappiness, sadness, possibility of frequent arguments and cheating. When a child grows up in the home and witnesses these types of emotions & behaviors it is unhealthy as he/she will expect their own relationships to be such. As a responsible adult, you are supposed to be there to shape and model the future for your child. Just remember, what you do, your child will model. Secondly, do not sell yourself short from love. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have someone to share their love and intimacy with. However, being in love with someone you have never seen before can be very risky. Honestly, that sounds like lust and the longing of love. Humans have needs and when people are unhappy in their current relationship, they often seek out what they need. If you decide to pursue the second relationship, I would suggest setting up an outing with a friend or two in order to get to know this person as there are a lot of scammers these days. Finally, I am not convinced that this has anything to do with choosing between two guys. This seems as if you are making a decision to end the relationship with your child’s father or not. You should ask yourself, if you were in love with your child’s father first off. If you were, you would have never sought after love. I hope this was helpful for you and I hope I was able to shed a different light on your situation. Take care of yourself!" ]

[ "Hello there.  You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ...  I realize there a few ways to look at this.  I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite..  Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way.  Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change.  Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen.   OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about?  This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings...  Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ?  Have you let your therapist know how you feel?  That would be good to explore...I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas.  Hope it helps.   Let me knowKindly,keithkeithcounseling.com", "Hello there.  As you have courageously explained your soulful dilemma. I can appreciate the complexity of this situation.  You have identified some key factors that may be contributing to your sense of feeling \"empty\".  One, is the ultimate goal here able to be acquired from this arrangement?  Are you trying to have your fulfillment with another woman while in the presence of your husband but not with him 'on her' as much or at all?  Are you trying to ask him to be more passive participant?  Perhaps be careful of not drinking too heavily... In the whole event, how do you want to feel intimate or connected ?  Were you craving all along, him to really be all over you along with her?  These are questions that arise; maybe not solutions.  Its always good to be very clear with oneself of what is the ultimate target here... And always measure the potential danger..  Peace - keith", "Hello there.  Thank you for sharing your heart here.  I want to start off by saying, in kind of an ironic way, your struggle is something many people go through, I might say quite often.  Many feel alone with one another quite frequently.  THe reasons for feeling alone vary much between person to person.  In reading how you presented things, I will just respond from how this strikes me.  Sometimes feeling alone might be the result of not completing the second half of the equation; meaning that although people \"listen\" it wont necessarily equate the elimination of being alone. Instead, its when you follow up by inquiring and listening to others that you  may discover they feel and think and struggle just like you do. And as a result, you discover you really were never alone; when people discover common struggle and feelings, we are connected.  Second, we as humans are sometimes feeling alone because we may be lacking some self-acceptance.  Not fully accepting myself or situation , can be in the way of feeling the presence of others or the hearing the voice of others too. Or in other words, not bein 'ok' with myself makes it difficult being with others.  Third; feeling alone may be us not clear on what we are really needing from another person?   These are just some thoughts to consider.  Aloneness feels so real; and yet it has much to do with our perspective and view of things...  we are all alone in a crowded world until we speak and listen more closely.Kindly-keith hughes M.A.  keithcounseling.com" ]

[ "It is hard to make sense of the many different feelings and moods we have, especially during the teen years. I am sorry that you have been feeling like you are not worth knowing or that you do not do anything right. Those are hard feelings to have!  Added to the challenge is the current state of things related to COVID-19. Have you noticed an increase in these feelings during the stay at home mandates? If you felt this same way before all of the changes that have occurred over the past few months, how is it different (if at all) when you were able to go to classes and do things with friends? One way that helps me to understand what depression feels like is to imagine that you are wearing dark sunglasses all of the time; because they are always on they make everything that you look at appear darker. When sadness or a low mood is the norm and you cannot find things to get excited about or look forward to that is a good indication that it is time to seek professional help. There are many things that you can do to help lift your mood (exercise, eat healthy foods and drink, get adequate sleep, share your feelings with someone you can trust, decrease social media exposure, etc.), it is important to explore all of the options that are available to you. Seeking out counseling or talking to a doctor that knows you and your medical history well is a first step towards changing the feelings you described. If it is determined that you are experiencing depression there are options that will help you feel better. I hope this helps to give you hope that what you are feeling can improve. Once your mood lifts you will have the energy you need to combat the thoughts that say you are not worth knowing or that you cannot do anything right. There are great cognitive behavior therapy resources and counselors out there that can help you fight those thoughts and as you do you will learn the tools that will help you silence the thoughts that defeat you and tear you down.", "Everyone has fears. Whatever your fear is it can be helpful to breakdown the thing that creates anxiety or fear into small steps. For instance, let's say you are afraid of speaking in public. If your goal would be to one day speak to a room of people, you would start by creating a list of lesser fears that would eventually lead to the main fear of speaking in public. You could start your list with things that might be less anxiety-producing such as, asking for help at a store or speaking up in class or at work if something is bothering you. As you build-up to what you fear the most you will have taken baby steps while assessing whether or not what you feared most was as bad as you thought it would be. If it wasn't, that will help boost your confidence and help move you to the next step. This is called an exposure hierarchy and it is something you can do on your own or with the help of a counselor.", "It can be hard to figure out why certain situations lead you to feel angry, or fearful. We all have certain rules/beliefs about living life that were created over time. When our minds seem to never shut off it can be helpful to spend some time in the present moment you are in. I am guessing that when you're having conversations in your head that you are either re-living past feelings about something that happened, or you are thinking about things that are to come possibly with dread or fear. Overall, we are not always good about staying present in the moment, with all the distractions and demands in life it is easy to spend your sleeping hours planning for the next day or thinking about an interaction you had that didn't go the way you hoped it would. Practicing mindfulness along with learning how to connect your thoughts to actions would be a great starting point. To do this spend some time making connections between what you think and what you feel. When you are in a public situation and you begin to feel uncomfortable or you notice that you are getting angry, stop for a moment and ask yourself, 'what was I just thinking about?\". Perhaps a \"should\" rule of your own was broken by another person, leaving you feeling hurt or disregarded. We are often unable to control the people or things that trigger our anger, but we can control how we react to situations that make us angry. When this is hard to do, separate yourself from the situation if you can, then take time to breathe, slow down your thoughts and visualize yourself in a place that calms you. As you take in the moment give yourself permission to linger in this place long enough to change the thoughts that led to the anger. If you continue to have difficulty shutting off your mind at the end of the day, try one of the many helpful apps that offer mindfulness routines, sleep stories, and other sleep-inducing activities.", "Although it is difficult to move forward from past regrets, it is important for the health of your relationship that you find a way to reconcile this. A conversation with your fiance that focuses on what is good in your relationship and what makes it worth fighting for can help as a launching point for digging into the wounds from past choices/decisions. You cannot undo what has been done, and if both of you have past regrets let this be something that you begin to share with one another in a spirit of transparency. Healing begins when you can be honest with one another about your feelings and ask one another what is needed to move forward. If you are part of a church seek fellowship with other believers who will support you individually and as a couple.  Reflect back on what your Christian background taught about God's forgiveness, what does that mean to you and to your fiance? Trust and commitment are essential in any dating/marital relationship. If your fiance is feeling insecure as a result of your past, help him to feel more secure by ensuring him of your love and commitment to him and the relationship.  Consider pre-marital counseling as well if you have not already done so. It will give you and your fiance a safe place to process this further and build a solid foundation for your relationship as you move towards marriage. I hope that you and your fiance will find healing as you work through this and God's peace in your future together.", "It is hard to watch our parents age, especially when Alzheimer's is involved. I echo what others have recommended regarding the need for support for you as you deal with the changes that are going on physically and mentally for your mother. Alzheimer's steals so much, and when your mother is nasty or asking for things that seem nonsensical to you it can be hard to show love and patience. It is normal to feel anger, frustration, and guilt when you are faced with uncertainty, not knowing what your mother will be like or act like from day to day. I am not sure if you take care of her in your home or if you have placed her in a facility that cares for her. If the latter is the case, utilize the help of the facility's social worker. They are there to help you adjust to the changes you are experiencing while also helping to meet the psychosocial needs of your mother. It is okay to take a break as a caregiver, give yourself permission to have time away from the frontlines of care. When you can connect with an Alzheimer's Support Group, allow the group to help you. Share your frustration, these will be people who are walking in similar shoes and can help you find peace with the role you play at this stage of your mother's life. When you do spend time with your mother, take time to prepare your heart and mind for what you may experience. Remember that what your mother says and does is not coming from a place of knowing the consequences any longer. That can help when it feels like she aims to hurt or to willfully be mean to you or others.Finally, take time to make peace with anything that feels unfinished in regard to the life and memories you have shared with your mother. When Alzheimer's takes over a loved one's faculties I have seen many families struggle to try to find ways to make peace with this. No one plans for a parent to get Alzheimer's, how could they? Having an outlet to express grief, anger, and guilt can go a long way in helping you to cope with an uncertain future. I hope there is something in these words that encourages you as you care well for your mother.", "Therapy brings people in for many different reasons. Most of the time it is because something in your life is not right and having someone to talk to that is not a friend or family member can be very helpful. We have many emotions, some are easy to share in front of others, some are not as easy. When you step into the therapy room, you go in with expectations of some sort. Even if you did not expect to cry, it is quite normal to do so. Talking about your emotions in the counseling room can be helpful as part of your therapy. Share with your counselor what it feels like for you to cry in therapy, as you explore together you will learn more about the connection between thoughts and feelings." ]

[ "It's not really a question of whether you have too many issues for counseling but more what would you like to work on in counseling? You control the direction of sessions and depending on how you're feeling in a particular day can predict what direction that session takes. If you want to work on all the issues you've listed it will just take some dedication on your part to see through the counseling long enough to find a resolution to each of the issues that is satisfactory to you. You work at your own pace in counseling and it does seem like you may be overwhelmed with the ever-growing list. But you may just be in search of self improvement and making yourself better, which is a great thing. It seems as though you may need some form of resolution to what has happened in the past and to work through the trauma you have experienced. That may be the base of your counseling needs in which self esteem and depression/anxiety may fall underneath it as well. If you want to start counseling don't let what you need to work on overwhelm you. Find the counselor that best fits with you and together you both can tackle any issue.", "You'll know you have the right therapist when after the first few sessions you feel comfortable enough to tell them things you wouldn't tell anyone else. It's important in therapy for that rapport to be built from the beginning and that you as the client feel comfortable enough to share what you need to share. You shouldn't feel judgement from your therapist and you should be able to trust the advice your therapist provides. Therapy isn't about advice, don't get me wrong, but to truly implement the changes that need to be implemented to improve your life you need to trust the person giving the advice. Your therapist should have your best interest at heart and truly listen to what you have to say. The therapist should be willing to meet you where you are in your world and attempt to see the world from your perspective to truly understand what you have been through. You need to feel comfortable in therapy to be yourself and say what's on your mind. Therapy shouldn't be something that should be dreaded but it can get uncomfortable depending on the depth of the things being discussed." ]

[ "It is hard to hold onto a partner that isn't available emotionally or is lashing out when you face any kind of coflict between you.The conditions needed for healthy intimacy can not grow when there is an absence of common ground or lack of a sense of \"safe space\" between you.Learning to nurture yourself in this type of situation is vital and comes first.  If there are to be better conditions to grow the kind of relationship you both feel safe and valued in, it needs to be a shared mission.But healthy intimacy begins within, and you CAN grow and thrive no matter the willingness or emotional availability of another.  I recommend you find a good guide to walk this path back home to a deeper peace in you.  If the relationship can be healed, more will become clear as you feel more ease and harmony within yourself.For more resources related to healthy inimacy, I invite you to visit http://www.counseling4ocwomen.com", "Finding \"the right therapist\" is about both feel and fit.  A skilled therapist should be at a minimum 2 things:  An accurate mirrorA good explanatory voiceAs an \"accurate mirror\", he or she should be able to help you clarify your thoughts, feelings, values, etc - helping you gain perspective on relationships in your life, as well as a greater depth of self-awareness.As \"an explanatory voice\", a knowledgeable, well trained therapist should be able to help you understand your troubles or past emotional injuries in such a way that shame, blame, resentment or excessive guilt no longer interfere with you facing life challenges successfully.But more than these qualities, a skillful therapist, should be able to coach you in improving your capacity for self-regulation and help you develop greater resilience within.  While at the same time, he/she should be a kind observer, rooting for you along the way as you develop the needed skillfulness to eventually no longer need this therapist along your side.A good therapist will not need to be \"trained\" to give you what you need in treatment.  Within the very first session, you should have a sense - a feeling of being felt, seen, and heard.  By and large, I believe this to be the most important determining factor in choosing a therapist that is the right fit for you.And last but not least - Trust your instinct and listen to your gut.  A good therapist will continue to give you reason to entrust your emotional wellness to their care.click here to connect for further support/guidance" ]

[ "A feeling of emptiness can be from a lack of awareness and acknowledgment for the things, the people, the places that you have in your life. The use of affirmation and gratitudes helps to remind ourselves of all of the aspects of our lives.", "When I'm working with men with this type of situation, I always suggest a medical examination to rule out any type of organic reason for a difficulty in maintaining interaction. In cases where there is no medical reason for the loss of erection, I find that many men have a similar situation in experiencing negative intrusive thinking during lovemaking. My counseling approach for this situation is to incorporate the use of mindful sex.", "This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship  in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem.", "Part of handling stress is making sure that your perception of the stress is accurate. Sometimes stress can seem more than it really is. One thing that I encourage my clients to do is to ask themselves, \"What is this stressor really about?\" Simplifying stress is a key to minimizing stress and leads to feeling less stressed out.", "That's a very difficult situation that you are in. But you are not alone. I have several school-aged clients who find little to no assistance from their teachers at their schools regarding bullying.There are a few options that are available to you to help deal with being bullied at school. One option that I would suggest is for you to talk to your support network. Friends and family can sometimes be good sources of support. Another option would be to speak with us about your counselor, if you have one. And third, there are some excellent online sources of support regarding the bullying at school (www.stopbullying.org)." ]

[]

[ "I would certainly suggest that you get her to speak to someone. What seems silly to you may not be to her and it is better to give her an outlet to deal with her stress than to have it continue.", "Hi there,I can sense the frustration in your post. PTSD can, and often does affect so many aspects of life. There are evidence based treatments for PTSD that can help with some of the side effects. You can learn to identify your triggers, ground yourself and regulate your emotions better for example. It is possible to recover but it will be slow, and it is hard work. It is important to know that. You need to be gentle with yourself. If you don’t have one already, I would suggest trying to find a therapist, depending on where you live, there may be some free or low-cost options available or support groups. Your life may not look the same but it is possible to have life after trauma.", "It depends on what you mean by problems however, a therapist who specializes in PTSD I can say it wouldn’t be uncommon to see an increase in PTSD symptoms or severity after something like a car accident. It is just adding trauma onto trauma. Sort of like kicking you when you are down, your body may not have the same resources to handle the car accident as it did at other times in your life. Hopefully that makes sense.", "This is a big question. Whenever you are in the position to choose your therapist, it is a good idea to do a consultation first so you can get a feel for them and see if you think your personality might match well. Sometimes it is difficult to tell in a very short meeting however and it can take a session or even a few to know this. Really, the \"right therapist\" is probably someone that you feel somewhat comfortable with or someone with who you could see yourself becoming comfortable even if you have difficulty trusting others. It is likely someone who you do not feel judged by. Part of the work in therapy is also being able to ask for what you need and voice your concerns which means telling your therapist if they do or say something that upsets you. This is part of the repair process and therapy is a safe space to practice this skill so you can do it in the real world when this happens in relationships." ]

[ "There is no such thing as too many issues for counseling. Many issues are often interrelated and can all be worked on with some time and patience.", "Working with a great therapist who can help you learn ways to cope might be beneficial to you.  Sometimes just the act of being able to talk about things with a nonjudgmental person helps take some of the burden off of you.  A therapist can help you change your thought patterns and teach you coping skills to reduce your symptoms.", "Therapy is such a personal process and often brings many emotions to the forefront, so yes, it very normal to cry in therapy.  Often you are talking about your deepest challenges and fears, so it is quite typical to expect some tears when making yourself so vulnerable." ]

[ "Your situation is a difficult one, but I would encourage you to start considering how to set boundaries for yourself and your family members. Often, times we believe we have to allow a certain behavior because a person is family. This is not true. It sounds like you could use some help understanding finding your voice and asserting yourself with your family members." ]

[ "Hi,I think at the start of counseling it is very common to experience our live in this way. The weight we carry is such a burden, overwhelming, and completely out of control. Or at least it would be if we let it. Usually we have found a way to deal with these feelings and keep ourselves under tight control, even if we can feel ourselves slipping further and further away. Throughout therapy, it is likely you will work through much of this, slowly but surely, and realize that while the way you have coped was useful to you at one time, it isn’t useful to you anymore. I hope this helps.", "Hi, Depression can look different for everybody. It sounds to me like what your family is trying to tell you that they are worried about you, and think this behavior might be a result of depression. If what you are experiencing seems fine and normal to you, it may be nothing to worry about. It is very common to have thoughts of doubt about yourself and your abilities, and it may help to open up about those thoughts to people you trust. Developing relationships with friends and families can be a very rewarding experience, but it can take a brave person to reach out!", "Hi,Reaching out here is a great start! I recommend looking for somebody in your area that works with people experiencing depression. After you've chosen somebody to try, feel free to call them for a consultation! A lot of counselors and therapists offer free consultations, and remember that your counselor is working for you, so make sure they are a good fit! I hope this has been of some help.", "It is is absolutely normal to cry in therapy. I can understand wanting to keep everything together and put your best foot forward with everyone you come into contact with, but it can be such a powerful experience to cry with somebody that can hear you and accept you. It's so brave of you to go and share yourself with your counselor! I hope you will keep being brave as you begin healing.", "It’s very normal to be nervous going into therapy. You are being vulnerable and honest, which is always scary, no matter how many times you do it. The best part about therapy is that the more you go, the more confident you are in your ability to work through those difficult feelings, and while you still may sometimes get nervous, you will have confidence too!", "Hi, It is really good that you are working so hard to take care of your family. Anxiety can be so challenging, especially when new challenges have come up. It would be good to work through some of these issues you are experiencing, and examine your self care and support processes.", "In my mind, a healthy marriage has two participants, meaning both people participate equally in the intimate connection of marriage. An unequal participation comes in many forms, such as one person checking out of conversations when it becomes emotional, or speaking over and for each other in these conversations. Couple’s should strive for engagement and support, but doing it in a way that works for each person individually. I hope this helps.", "Those words must have been extremely difficult to hear or read. It sounds like you are both having difficulty with the distance, and I can only imagine that you have both been coping with this distance as well as you can. There are a few scenarios that I think would have pretty radically different paths for your own mental health, and I would like to explore them separately. The first scenario is that she has this crush, but still chooses you and wishes to stay with you. Keeping the value of her choice in mind, and the bravery she has shown in admitting this crush, handling her gently in that vulnerable place will pay off. You may find it worthwhile to explain your feelings about it, to share how it is hurting you to know of this, and what she means to you. Explaining those feelings will help you to not act out in your with emotions to cover up by becoming angry or withdrawing. Acting in this way will help assure her of her choice in you, and sharing these emotions and feeling supported by her may help you cope with this.The other scenario is that she has a crush on this man and she is wanting to leave the relationship with you to have one with this other person. As before, it would be useful for you to share your feelings with someone. It can be difficult to process through these emotions, as they are intense and often overwhelming. In this scenario, it may be too difficult to share these feelings with your girlfriend, but it is still important that you acknowledge this loss and allow the associated emotions to have its place. Grieving the end of this relationship could be a great source of personal growth.I hope this has been of some help.", "Hi,When we can't stop doing things that we know are wrong, it can help to take a closer look at how we make our decisions. Usually we are getting something good out of these bad behaviors, such as feeling excited or taking our minds off of bad things. It is really hard to change these things without helping us get the good effect in a more healthy way. I hope this helps.", "It is usually time to end counseling sessions when it is clear to both the client and the counselor that therapeutic goals have been reached and enough improvement has been made that the client can continue without that support. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part this is when counselors begin termination. For some clients, this is an easy process that marks the achievements they have made in working through their emotions and difficulties. For some other clients, however, this is a difficult process in which they are losing a valuable support and are understandably anxious about what life will be like without the frequent meetings. Ultimately, termination is different for everyone, and there are many ways that termination can be healthy and helpful.", "A lot of times the thoughts we have about ourselves are messages we have received from other people and later internalized them. So in that sense, these thoughts are yours and belong to you, but you have received these messages from somebody else. Even though we all receive messages like this at times, it pays to be careful not to ignore other messages we are receiving, such as a loved one appreciating your help or attention, a friend responding to encouragement, or a colleague showing interest in you. I hope this helps.", "This is a tricky question. If you have the right therapist, there should be some mutual patience, as it can take time to develop a positive relationship. Sometimes things seem to click right away, but I wouldn’t be discouraged if an instant connection was lacking. Bring up these concerns with them, and a competent therapist will help you to process your fears and your doubts. This can be risky though, especially if the therapist isn’t very experienced or struggles with these competencies. It may even be worthwhile to have trust as a stated goal early in therapy with your counselor, especially if this is something you struggle with often.", "Hi, Reaching out on this site was a great first step! To start counseling, I would recommend looking up counselors and thinking about what sort of counselor would be a good fit. See if they have areas of focus that line up with your goals, and never be afraid to call and set up a consultation. Usually these are free of charge and can help you make your decision.", "Here is a list of skills I use every session, and a short explanation of what they are:Reflecting: Paraphrasing what clients have said so that they know you understand themValidating: Helping clients to know that their point of view is valuable and rationalClient-centered talk: Maintaining focus on the client in therapy sessions, rather than a therapist talking about themselvesAttending: Nonverbal or verbal cues that indicate I am listening to a client (i.e., nodding, leaning in, affirmations)Reframing: Helping a client to see a problematic behavior or situation in a different way (usually only works well after they feel heard and understood)" ]

[ "Hi there Mom! Just look at all of the things that a teen has to juggle and it's no surprise they're stress out. There are simply not enough minutes in the day to get everything done.  So, they react by cutting into important times such as social interaction and sleep.  Our fast paced, fast food, society is taking its toll on our teen generation. While multi-tasking seems to be a hot pop word, it simply doesn't work.  We aren't wired to do our best at multiple things at once.  We are not machines but rather humans who are going to quickly expire if we don't get a handle on our stress.As adults, it's time we intervene and teach our teens how to maintain a healthy balance between work and play.  We need to help them prioritize and put first things, first.  Are you putting first things, first in your life?  If not, it's a good time to start. Best of luck to you and your daughter in whatever you decide to do.", "Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child.", "Yes, it is very normal. Some people cry frequently, but not fully. They’re good at crying but never seem to heal from what’s hurting them.Crying is supposed to be good for you. Tears contain toxins, after all. And feel-good chemicals are released in the body whenever we cry tears of sadness.Never judge your feelings while you’re having them; there’s always a reason something’s a big deal to you.Cry for your own pain, not just for others’. Crying in movies and when listening to sad songs is a good way to let off some built-up emotion. But you may not be dealing directly with your own hurts when that happens. Remember it’s okay to cry for yourself. Let yourself cry over spilt milk. You don’t have to wait till somebody dies. You can cry about anything that triggers you, no matter how seemingly trivial.Don’t set a time limit on tears. Your heart will decide when enough is enough. If you connect with the true source of your pain, you’ll find it’s finite. But you don’t get to dictate a time limit for your sorrow. Be patient. Pick up where you left off. If you have to keep a stiff upper lip, perhaps because you’re at work, check in with yourself later and see how you feel. Reflect on the incident in private if you feel it’s unresolved. Don’t stress out if you can’t recapture the pain. Tears are like cats: You can’t lead them on a leash. Speak only kind words to yourself. When you cry, watch for self-critical and invalidating self-talk like this:It’s not that big a dealI’m too sensitiveBig boys/girls don’t cryInstead, say, “I’m sorry” and “I’m with you” and “I love you.” Don’t say these things in order to make yourself stop crying. Say them in order to be compassionate to yourself. Cry in public. If you’ve never cried in public before, you may be surprised to find that many people will be drawn to you. Your tears make you vulnerable, and therefore no threat to others. Kindness is a frequent response to public tears.If you remember just one thing from this post, let it be self-compassion." ]

[ "I'm so sorry you're feeling like things will never get better. Try to remember that whatever illness you are dealing with, you are not the only person to have dealt with it and you are not alone! Out there, just waiting for you, is a group of people that will totally understand what you're going through and will be able to share how they coped. Try searching for a support group for your illness - google and www.psychologytoday.com are both good places to start for those groups.", "Sometimes its quite literally the lack of sunshine that can affect our mood - in these cases it can be worth experimenting with a sun lamp, to boost your dose of vitamin D, when the sun isn't naturally out. Also consider, what is it that the change in weather, changes in your life? If for example, when its sunny you are an outdoorsy, active person and when the weather changes, you're whole activity level changes along with it, you could explore how to get some of that activity replicated indoors in the winter months.", "Hang in there! Feeling depressed sucks but talking with someone can really help - so its awesome that you're already trying to figure out how to find that person. Tons of good suggestions already but to add my two cents - you can find therapists in your area and read a little bit about them to find someone you like the sound of via this website, and also via www.psychologytoday.com; if you have health insurance your insurer might be able to make recommendations as to therapists covered by your plan, or if you happen to be in school, the school itself should be able to connect you with either their own counselor or a center that they recommend nearby. Finding someone can take a few calls or a bit of research so if you need some immediate support, or find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself, you can also call the great folks who run the Suicide crisis line https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org - they are great in moments of crisis.", "It can be really tough to tell someone - anyone - that you're feeling depressed. But finding that supportive person that you can share with is a big part of the battle with depression. Depression thrives on being secret, it seems to grow the more we isolate ourselves and hide it away so I'm with Laura Cassidy, when she suggests finding that professional support person so you can start fighting back against your depression. If that feels like too big a step right now, maybe check out a book or two... I'm a big fan of a book called 'Feeling Good' by Dr. David Burns if you want some practical thoughts on tackling depression and on 'Radical Acceptance' by Tara Brach if you prefer something a little more spiritual.", "Therapy can feel very weird to begin with - think about it, how often do we go and tell a relative stranger our deepest, darkest thoughts in the rest of our life? So I think its reasonable to expect a certain level of nerves as you get used to your therapist and to the whole process of talking about yourself and vulnerable topics. That said, its definitely worth bringing to the attention of your therapist (if you haven't already) to see if there is anything that they can do, or that the two of you can explore together, that might make the process feel less intimidating to you.", "Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard." ]

[ "The winter blues can be really tough to deal with, and are quit common. Because the winter blues can be caused by a variety of things, if you have not been evaluated by your healthcare provider I highly recommend you do so.  Here are some key tips I use to help individuals cope with the winter blues:1) The winter blues can be caused by the seasonal invariable fluctuations in daylight.  Using light box therapy is one way to help.  Light box therapy mimics outdoor light. Researchers believe this type of light causes changes in the brain that lifts your mood and eases other symptoms of the winter blues.  All light boxes are designed to do the same thing, but one may work better for you than another. For some, the use of light box therapy may be more effective when combined with other treatments for the winter blues such as counseling and/or medications for depression. it is always best to talk to your health care provider about choosing and using a light box so the treatment and dosage is right for you.2) Keep a consistent routine that does not vary with seasons, vacation, feeling well or feeling bad. Consistency is key to keep a stable mood.  Keep consistent with sleep and wake times, the times of day you eat, exercise, and socializing with others.  The more consistent you can be the better. Your brain knows what to expect from you and when.3) Exercise!  Exercise is not only great to help you sleep better and shed pounds.  Exercise is also the world's most underused anti-anxiety and ant-depression tool.  When you exercise your brain literally releases its own (endogenous) chemicals to alleviate anxiety and depression such as serotonin (a common substance in anti-depression and anti-anxiety medications).  Exercising every day is giving yourself a dose of your body's anti-anxiety and anti-depression substances, which is amazing.4) Sleep is a huge predictor of mood.  In fact, sleeping longer than 7-9 hours per day is a strong predictor of a depressive episode.  Just as insomnia and depression are intimately related.  Consistently practicing sleep hygiene is key to preventing a mood episode. The more consistent you are the more you will go to sleep and stay asleep during the times you want to.  This includes 1) going to bed at the same time every night; 2) waking up at the same time every morning (even if you slept poorly the night before); 3) avoiding naps, but if you need a nap it is best to do so every day around the same time before 2pm and to not nap for more than 30 minutes; 4) using the bed for sleep and sex only (so, no TV, no computers, no smart phones); and 5) limiting caffeine to no more that 250 mg/per day (two 8 ounce cups).  The phone app Sleepio is a tool that can help you adopt the above steps.  If you are having trouble adopting or maintaining this routine, see your health care provider or counselor for further evaluation and help you get on track.5) Limit alcohol intake and other substances of abuse. Most of which \"depress\" your nervous system.  When you add a depressant to an already depressed nervous system, even though you may feel temporary relief, you create a ceiling for how much your mood will improve.  For specific guidance on \"safe drinking\" guidelines see the CDC's Facts About Moderate Drinking at: https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/moderate-drinking.htm.6) Keep your social life.  Positive social support is the strongest and most robust tool we have to cope with stress, low moods and adversity in life.  Social support can be a friend you know will pick of the phone when you call.  It does not have to be someone that is nearby." ]

[ "First of all, way to go in stretching yourself out of your comfort zone! You are sure to grow through all of this practice presenting to your peers, and that in itself will help to grow your confidence over time. In the meantime, do whatever you can to help yourself feel prepared for each presentation. Do your work ahead of time so that you feel well-informed on your topic, and then spend the days leading up to your presentation practicing. Do your presentation in the mirror, while you are driving (if it won't distract you from the road), and practice in front of a friend. On the day of the presentation, eat a balanced meal, get a pep talk from a supportive friend, use deep breathing to keep your body calm, and remind yourself that you are prepared. You got this!", "This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.", "What an important question! I think one of the first things to assess is this: Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? Do you feel like you can talk openly about what's going on in your life without feeling judged? Do you experience your therapy as a safe space to process your thoughts and feelings? Feeling comfortable with your therapist is a crucial factor. Once you feel comfortable with your therapist, you can have a conversation about what works for you in therapy. Tell your therapist what is helpful, and what you don't find helpful. A skilled therapist can shift his or her style and techniques to meet your individual needs, and this may be an ongoing conversation that the two of you have during therapy. Oftentimes, there is just an X factor between client and therapist that either makes the relationship work or can make it feel like something is missing. This is no one's fault, it's just that not every therapist will be a perfect match for every client. If you feel uncomfortable with your therapist or feel like that x factor is missing, it is a good idea to keep searching for therapist who is right for you." ]

[ "You're probably not going to like my answer.Your question says a lot about what YOU want rather than what she wants or what may be best for her. Sometimes, what's best for a person is the hardest thing to do, and may be completely opposite of what YOU want.Addictions don't happen in a vacuum. If you've had any experience with addicts at all, then I'm sure you've heard the term \"enabler\". A lot of the times, when people think they're \"helping\", they're actually enabling the addict to continue their self-destructive behavior. Tough love and clear boundaries are needed in a lot of situations, but especially with addictions. Family and friends are often the biggest contributing factor to someone choosing to use/drink, continuing to do so, or relapsing back into it.You said she recently quit. You said she is depressed. She wants to move. When a person receives counseling for addictions, they are encouraged to make changes like this. They need to break the habit, and this means removing people from their lives at times. It means moving to new locations. Anything that may trigger a relapse needs to be identified and removed. Not only that, but the addict needs to do a lot of personal reflection to figure out WHY they use/drink in the first place, and not only break the physical addiction to it, but deal with whatever is the root cause that led them to use in the first place. She may need some time alone to figure out who she is as a person, time to make some decisions for herself and do what she needs to do to be healthy.Don't pressure her to stay. Let her have the freedom to do what she needs to do. If she stays, the decision needs to be hers and hers alone. It doesn't need to be made under pressure. That will only lead to resentment. Support her, but don't try to change her or make her do anything, especially for selfish reasons. Let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself right now. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do the same.", "Teenage years are rough for anyone, and this is a time for self-discovery and experimentation. Having older parents can certainly pose challenges. Most kids feel like their parents don't understand them, but yours are older than the average parents of teenagers. They're from a completely different generation than you are. It sounds like they love you, but may not understand you. The problem here is the generation/age gap, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is accept the situation and perhaps look at it a little differently. It seems like you're looking for affirmation from them, looking for their approval and understanding. It's never a good idea to look to others to define who you are or to get a self-esteem boost. Who you are and how you feel about yourself needs to come from inside, not from outside. One way you can have a better relationship with your parents is to stop looking at all the things you aren't getting from them that you want, and rather look at all the things you are getting from them. Yes, this is a glass half full or half empty point of view, but it works. The negative will overshadow the positive if you let it. Start looking for the good things in your relationship with your parents and your feelings towards them will become more positive.I'm not sure how your friends/peers made you feel like your childhood has been taken from you. That's a curious statement, and requires a deeper conversation to understand where that came from. However, I do understand feeling different and out of place, especially in high school. Find the strength within yourself rather than looking to others in your life to make you feel better or feel like a complete person. It helps to have friends and loved ones, but you can never rely on them to fulfill all of your needs. Set some goals for your future, work towards them. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be, and the right people will enter your life at the right time.", "The best way to handle depression and anxiety is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the depression and anxiety in the first place and then to replace these with more positive thoughts and behaviors. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. There are some things in life that you cannot change and must learn to accept. A lot of people spend time trying to change things that they have no control over. This may be the behavior of someone else in your life or it could be a situation that you cannot change, such as the recent death of a loved one, a lost relationship, or an accident or illness which has left you handicapped. In cases like this, what can change is your attitude and thoughts about the situation that you now find yourself in. One thing that is inevitable about life is that stuff happens and it is not always pleasant. Some people take these unpleasant occurrences very hard and it throws them into a deep depression. Other people seem to be able to handle life’s ups and downs and bounce back. They do this with having positive coping skills in their life. Learning new coping skills is something your therapist can help you with.A lot of people are so focused on trying to change the things in their life that they cannot change and are ignoring the things that they can change. There are things that you can do. Here is a quote for you to consider. “You are getting almost everything that you are getting based on the choices that you have made. You will continue to get the same thing out of life until you make some changes.” Another quote I like is “You will find a way or you will find an excuse.” Don’t ever say that you have no choice. Everyone has a choice. You might not particularly like any of the choices that you are facing, but you do have choices. Not happy in a relationship? You can leave it. Hate your job? Get a new one. If it matters to you, you will find a way. Don’t sit there complaining about everything but not doing anything different or better.Take care of yourself. Exercise is very important not only for your physical health, but for your mental health as well. Eating right and exercising will help you feel better about yourself. Also, find a meditation that works for you. There are progressive muscle relaxation exercises, visual and mental meditations, and many many more. Start making some positive changes in your life today! You can do it!", "The best way to handle anxiety of this level is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the anxiety. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. You will learn to recognize when and why you perform the behavior of hitting your head, help you deal with the underlying cause of this, and replace the behavior with a more positive behavior. You'll learn coping skills.You mention having a rough childhood. Anyone who has experienced trauma like this, especially long-term ongoing trauma from abuse of any kind, definitely does not need \"exposure therapy\", which is what is recommended for phobias. You need a therapist trained specifically in trauma informed therapy.You are on the right path by recognizing there is an issue and what it is. Good luck with your healing journey!", "Biologically, fear is designed to protect us from harm. Fear is not always a bad thing, and in fact can be quite healthy and appropriate depending on the situation. A phobia, however, is different. You used the term \"fear\" rather than \"phobia\". A phobia is an irrational fear - meaning it is not rational for you to fear that thing. If your situation is a phobia, exposure therapy can help. This consists of gradually exposing yourself a little at a time to the thing you are afraid of. Some people with phobias find that the irrational fear interferes with their life and they do need to overcome it. Someone who is afraid to drive over bridges may go to great lengths to avoid routes that have bridges. People who are afraid of elevators may always use the stairs instead, which may not always be feasible. If overcoming a phobia will improve the quality of your life, then by all means, seek professional help to overcome it.Everyone has fears, or things that make them nervous. Public speaking, asking a person out, fear of failure. Examine what your fear is and try to determine the reason for the fear. When you can get to the root cause of the fear, you can deal with that issue. A lot of times, it is a self-esteem issue. You may be able to peel back the layers of the fear and find out what's causing it and deal with the real issue. Some fears are caused by trauma. Someone with PTSD is going to have an exaggerated fear response and will find themselves being kicked into \"fight or flight\" mode over things that someone without the trauma experience wouldn't notice or react to. In cases like this, exposure therapy would be the wrong approach and could actually make things worse. If there is a possibility that a past trauma is the cause of your fear, I strongly urge you to seek a therapist - not just any therapist, but one who is trained to work with trauma and abuse victims.", "This isn't something you can do on your own. If you haven't already, you need to see a medical doctor ASAP to rule out medical causes for this. Many diseases, illnesses, and conditions can cause hallucinations. In the elderly, sometimes it's something as simple as a urinary tract infection. Some medicines may have that side effect as well.However, you say you've been hearing them since you were little. I have no idea how old you are now, but something that has been going on for many years does lead me to think it could be a type of schizophrenia. A psychiatrist could diagnose that after taking a complete look at your history, medical history, etc. There are medications that they can put you on that will help. One thing that I find encouraging is that you recognize you're hearing voices. This means you are not so far into a delusion as to believe it is real. A lot of people that hear or see things that aren't there are not able to have the awareness that these things are not real. They fully believe what they're hearing/seeing. It's completely real to them. Because you have the awareness that you do, I feel this is a very good sign that with treatment you can live a normal life (assuming you are not already receiving treatment for it. If you are and are still hearing the voices, please know that medications often need to be changed and adjusted, and the voices may never completely go away but medicines certainly help dull them a lot. Always talk to your doctor when it seems your symptoms are getting worse so that they can make the necessary medication adjustments for you).If at any time the voices are telling you to do something, please go to an ER as this is an emergency. Sometimes people hear voices telling them to harm themselves, harm someone else, or do other things that are against the law. Do not try to deal with something like that on your own. There are people who can help.", "I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Divorce can be so disruptive in a child's life.I'd really need a lot more information about your situation before I'd feel comfortable offering any advice or suggestions. There are so many variables, and not knowing the whole story, any advice could possibly make your situation worse.I do see some positives, though. One, you say you have a therapist. That's great! I hope you're able to talk to them about this soon. Still, they can't give you legal advice, and a lot of this situation may be dictated by the law. What your therapist can help with, though, is dealing with whatever situation you have to follow by law. If you can't change the situation, you at least need to learn how to cope with it better. Two, you're 17. When you're 18, you're legally an adult and will not be bound by any custody rules or visitation plans in place. Honestly, teenagers usually have a lot of say with the courts in custody arrangements. Since you didn't specify more on the situation, I have no idea what your specific situation is. Were your parents ever married? Are they separated or divorced? Was there ever a court hearing for custody? Not all couples have an official court order arrangement. All families are different, too. Was there abuse between your parents? Towards you by one of them? Does either of them have addiction issues, major health or mental health issues, or anything like that? You mentioned that you want to live with your mom, but didn't say why. Are you afraid to tell your dad you want to stay with your mom? Is mom the lenient and fun parent while dad is the more strict one, or is there something else going on? This isn't a decision that should be placed entirely on you, and it also isn't a decision that anyone else needs to make on your behalf without your input. But advice on what to do needs to come from the people who know more about your situation so they can help recommend the best thing for you. Whatever you do, hang in there! 18 will be here before you know it. Focus on that. Freedom. College. Plan for your future that YOU control, and focus on making it the best it can be. Do not let the anxiety and depression cloud your thoughts and make you do something irreversible.", "Are you old enough to move out? Then by all means, what's stopping you?If not, is it possible for you to move in with another family member?If you're a minor, CPS may need to step in. They often do in cases of abuse. Your safety is the number one priority.It's difficult to offer advice without knowing more about your situation. But I can say this: Don't let other people define your self worth. You can choose NOT to allow him to make you feel anything. It really is that simple. By looking at it as a choice you make, you will be empowered to take control over your emotions and learn to feel better about yourself because your self-worth will no longer be defined by what someone else says about you or how they treat you.Let me say that again in a different way: Your self-worth is NOT defined by someone else. The way he treats you is a reflection of who he is as a person - not you. Don't take ownership of that! I understand that if you are a minor, setting healthy boundaries and refusing to accept this kind of treatment can be difficult. Reach out to others for help. But if you are 18 and over, there is absolutely no excuse for you to be there having to put up with maltreatment. Put up some boundaries and create the distance needed to protect yourself emotionally. You owe it to yourself, and deserve to live a healthy, happy life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.", "1. She's an adult.2. She lives in your house? She follows your rules.3. What you're describing could be any number of things, but could potentially be a medical issue that needs attention. Thyroid issues, autoimmune diseases - there's a ton of medical possibilities for her symptoms. I'm not a doctor; this is a forum of therapists.4. I recommend the book \"Codependent No More\" which may help you navigate your rocky relationship with your adult daughter. You may be inadvertently making things worse by \"helping\" her which can instead enable her to continue her behaviors. Another book you may find helpful is \"Boundaries: Where you end and I begin\". You cannot control another person, especially an adult. The only person you can control is yourself. Tough love is sometimes needed, and she is an adult - treat her like one. Maybe then she'll act like one. If we were having this conversation in person, you would interrupt me at this point with a \"but...\" and then explain all the reasons why you can't tell her to move out, get a job, get up and cook or clean the house, etc. I already know that you have a myriad of excuses for things being the way they are. Yes, I said excuses instead of reasons, because that's what they are. You may feel stuck and like you have to take care of her, but you have choices - you just may not like them. I know that when children are small, parents' lives are focused around them (some more than others) and decisions are made around what is best for your child. But you said your daughter is an adult. The relationship dynamics must change if the relationship is to be a healthy one. I know how difficult it is to watch your child make life choices that you wouldn't want for them, no matter what that choice may be. As a parent, we want to force them to do what we think is \"the right thing\" but trying to do that only results in frustrations for everyone involved. Whether the issue is a hair color, a tattoo, a lifestyle choice, a job, or choosing not to work or take care of their health, or doing drugs, or drinking - the choice is theirs and theirs alone and so are the consequences of those choices.", "The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you are an adult, think back to your childhood. Children who grow up in an unstable home often grow up to be adults with insecurities and emotional problems. The obvious, such as being abused, can certainly lead to a person having little to no confidence and self esteem, but there are other situations that might surprise you to hear they can be damaging to a person.You may have never been physically or sexually abused, but what about emotionally? Were you yelled at, berated, put down? Were you told you'd never amount to anything? Were you compared to siblings and felt like you always fell short, couldn't live up to expectations? When you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it.Maybe you weren't yelled at. Maybe it was the opposite. Studies show that children who grow up with a parent who is depressed show signs of emotional neglect. A chronically depressed mother, for example, may have seemed cold, detached, emotionless. She may have been less likely to show interest in a child's life, not give praise for accomplishments or show support by going to ballgames or performances. If one of your family members were chronically ill while you were growing up, chances are, a lot of the attention went to them, which could have led to your needs not being met.Any of these situations could cause a person to grow up feeling unimportant, unheard, unloved, or like they don't matter.Maybe nothing I've described here fits your situation. If you can't pinpoint what has caused you to feel this way on your own, a counselor can help.I am not saying \"blame it on your parents\" or telling you there's nothing you can do to change it! Quite the opposite! Understanding WHY you feel that way is a first step towards making the changes needed to feel better. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on cognition - figure out the WHY. Then behavior - the HOW.", "It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.I like the fact that you are looking at your situation \"logically\".  Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.", "It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That’s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself. When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.", "I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.” Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.", "I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this. However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware. There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse. Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas. That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past. Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you. Angry? Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you. Having trouble trusting? Of course! The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.", "I suggest that you work on emotional awareness. Emotional awareness basically means knowing what you are feeling and why.Emotional awareness also means that you can identify the link between the way you are feeling and your actions. In other words knowing that your feelings dictate what you do.Often feelings of hurt or insecurity can come out as anger if we cannot properly identify and express the feelings.Being emotionally aware also means that you are able to express your feelings to others. Being unable to do so leads to feelings of frustration and being misunderstood.Many people for many different reasons are not in touch with their emotions. For example, men traditionally have been brought up taught to not express sadness or weakness. Therefore, many men learned to turn feelings of sadness, insecurities, or fears into anger and express these feelings as anger. Being taught not to feel a certain emotion does not make that emotion disappear. Instead it makes us learn how to express it in other, incorrect, ways. If a man never learns to say “I am sad” or “that really hurt my feelings” and instead lashes out in anger, then the response they get from those around them will be to the anger and not a response to the underlying true feeling, which will leave the man feeling alone and misunderstood.You can control yourself and not explode. Walk away, remove yourself from the situation, do whatever you have to do to not lash out. Instead of reacting the way you normally would, go somewhere by yourself and think about what just happened and try to understand why such a “simple” thing upset you. What is the real feeling driving these outbursts? Maybe you can begin to recognize an underlying pattern. It might help to keep an anger journal. Write down everything that gets you upset. That might help you see a pattern and pinpoint what may be setting you off. Talking with a therapist about this would be beneficial in helping pinpoint the underlying cause of the outbursts you are experience.", "You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other?  If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, introducing something like this may only make your relationship worse. Open relationships and threesomes rarely work out well. Sure, there are some who successfully live this lifestyle, but it only works when both people are completely secure in their relationship with each other, harbor no jealousies or insecurities, and aren't looking to someone else to satisfy needs that aren't getting met by their spouse. Let me say that again: This is not likely to work out well for you if either of you are insecure, jealous, or looking to have needs met by this other person that you aren't getting from your spouse. That empty feeling you're having - listen to it. Dig deep to find out where it is coming from. What thoughts are going through your head when you feel that way? You'll get the answer.The other thing that helps make something like this work is for both of you to listen and respect each other. If you don't like it that he paid more attention to the other girl, he needs to know that, and he needs to respect that.  If you're going to do it again, he needs to know what you're comfortable with and what you want. Set the limits before you're in the moment, before it's too late to take an action back. Turn it around and ask him what he would be comfortable with if it were a man instead of a woman.It is perfectly natural to be curious and want to experiment. A lot of people get that out of the way before settling down in a monogamous relationship. People who marry young and/or inexperienced may still feel that curiosity about things like that and want to experience them, but don't want to hurt their spouse. The REASON you are both doing this matters a lot. If there are problems in your relationship, this is likely to only make things worse.", "No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. \"Wrong\" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.", "I sympathize with you! It is actually quite common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other, and can lead to discord in the relationship. The good news is, there are ways to deal with this.You may have already answered your question. There are many medications that can alter one's sex drive. If your birth control pills are the cause of this, talk to your doctor about switching to a different brand. You may even consider alternate methods for birth control, such as condoms.However, there are some other things to ask yourself. First, you used the term \"affection\" but then talked about sex. They're not the same thing. There are different kinds of intimacy, and many different ways to show love for someone. A book you might find useful is \"The Five Love Languages\".Defining what \"affection\" means to you, and to him, and discovering all the ways you both can show this towards each other, may help lessen some of your anxiety over this.Humans are hard-wired to need appropriate physical touch. In fact, studies have shown that newborns/premies who can receive skin-on-skin contact with their parent can recover faster than babies who don't receive this touch. It's called Kangaroo Care. Children who have grown up in neglectful environments where they're not hugged and kissed and shown appropriate physical contact can often be unable to show this to their partners and children when they're adults. One question to ask yourself is, were you having intimacy issues before starting the medication? If so, there may be other, deeper issues at play here.For someone who has received the wrong kind of sexual/physical touch (sexual abuse, physical beatings) it can be difficult to allow someone to be physically close to you. A therapist could help you work through this.Sometimes, a person may lose their sexual feelings for their partner due to issues in the relationship. Once those issues are resolved, the sex drive comes back. Examine your relationship and see if either of you are unhappy, if you've been arguing a lot, or if there are any problems in your relationship that need to be addressed.Finally, look for the other ways that the two of you may be intimate in a non-sexual way. You may be doing things for each other that you don't even realize, and noticing these will help you appreciate it more. Take the stress off of the sexual gratification and focus on showing your love in other ways. Some people like to give gifts, do the other person's chores, or do other things they think the person will appreciate.If, after all of this, you still have a discrepancy with one of you having a higher sex drive, there are many articles online that offer advice for couples dealing with this situation that you may find useful. It is a very common issue for a lot of couples.", "This is difficult to answer because you don’t tell us what the fetish is.  I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though. The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not.  If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings.  You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of.  You may find other people have the same interest as you.  Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them.  Don’t hold back with your therapist.  Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are.  There is no need to suffer with this alone.", "I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD’s before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don’t like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I don’t necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don’t want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just don’t want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though. If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Don’t keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don’t see that you have done anything wrong. If you aren’t cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don’t fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.", "I am sorry that you lost your mother. That is a really hard thing for someone to go through.There is really no set time for grief to be over, but I agree that if it has been three years and you are still crying every day then this is past the time for normal grief. I do not know how old you are and if you are in school or have a job, but I would imagine that if by now you literally were doing nothing but crying every day all day, someone would have noticed and would have gotten you some help. For one thing, bills have to be paid.There are typically five stages of grief and they can come in any order. You can go back to another stage that you previously experienced. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages. At first, people are usually in denial over the fact that they lose someone or are losing someone. This may mean that you deny they are ill or deny that they have actually died.Then comes bargaining, in which you may beg God that if you can only have this person back then you will do whatever. Depression is when the reality has settled in and when we cry and really feel the loss. It sounds like you are stuck in this phase.Finally, acceptance is when we accept that it has happened and we pick up the pieces of our life and move on.When we lose someone we never forget them. We may always have certain days that are tough, such as holidays or any special remembrance of your loved one. But we do get to the place where we accept that death is part of life and that it is inevitable, and that life goes on.A therapist can help you explore the reasons for your extended grief and can help you with coping skills to better deal with it. One suggestion I have is not to try to run from the sad feelings, don’t try to not feel them. Embrace the feelings. Let the feelings wash over you and accept them. Trying not to feel something is not going to help. Sadness is a part of life and needs to be felt just like happiness does. Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided.I am sincerely sorry that you lost your mother and that you have had such a hard time of it for three years now. You deserve to be happy and to live a full life. I am sure your mother would not want you being sad for so long. I wish you all the best as you continue to try to heal from this loss and deal with your grief.", "Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. \" Being responsible\" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing.", "More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household. Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease. In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you can’t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse. Nobody can change another person. What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him. Research codependency. There’s a great book called Codependent No More. There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read. In short, you have to stop enabling him. Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself. This means do not buy his alcohol. Do not make it easy for him to get. Don’t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him. Don’t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way. Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver’s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn’t stop. What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with. It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking. A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don’t then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you don’t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him. If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS. A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect. Substance abuse in the home qualifies. Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems. The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption. Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated? Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state? Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking? This could be a reason for the authorities to step in. You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics. They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members. They can help you.", "Buy the book \"Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.\" Read it. Apply it.Seriously, I'm not joking. You're not wrong to \"not want to hear it anymore\" but if you don't maintain healthy boundaries, you will allow your family to make you feel guilty for \"not wanting to hear it anymore\". That's not fair to you.Give a copy to your mom, too. No, I didn't write the book nor do I have any affiliation with it - I simply recommend it because it's a wonderful book and it helped me out a lot. I recommend it to a lot of people. It should be required reading!", "What you are describing is something psychologists have termed \"triangulation\" which is what happens when one family member will not talk to the one they have a problem with and goes to a third member of the family to complain instead. You have been \"triangulated\" by your wife and mother.This is often seen in families. It's seen everywhere. How many times have you had a problem with someone but you didn't go to them to tell them, you went to someone else to complain? It is usually difficult for a person to confront another, especially in relationships where there is a power differential. For example, I bet it's easier to complain to a coworker about your boss rather than go to the boss with your complaint.I'm not saying triangulation is always a bad thing. Sometimes a third party mediator is needed to help solve problems between two people who disagree. That's what therapists do every day! Sometimes just getting someone else's perspective can help you see the issue clearer. However, in your situation it sounds like this is becoming a problem. You are stuck in the middle between two people that love you and that you love.If you want to put a stop to this triangulation, you will need to encourage the two of them to talk to each other and work out their differences. Perhaps it was a simple misunderstanding that some open communication can clear up. Even if they really don't like each other and can't get along, your relationship with the both of them is going to continue to deteriorate the longer you are stuck in the middle. Try to understand what might be the feelings behind their behavior. It is possible that they may both feel threatened by the other. These are the two most important women in your life and they both know it. Your mother may be afraid that she will lose you if she confronts your wife. I heard one mother-in-law describe her son's wife as the gateway to her son. The wife has the power to dictate when and how often the mother gets to see her son. The wife also is the gateway to the grandchildren. If your wife doesn't like her mother-in-law she can severely hamper or damage her mother-in-law's relationship with you and any children you two may have. From your wife's viewpoint, this is the woman that she may feel like she can never live up to. If you regularly praise your mom's cooking, her housework, gardening, or anything else your wife may feel that you are putting down her own efforts in these areas and can feel unappreciated. This can be especially difficult if your wife and mother are nothing alike. I am not saying that this is the case with your family's situation. These are just a few examples from other families in a similar situation as yours. Regardless of what the cause is, if this dysfunctional pattern is allowed to continue, your mom and your wife will begin to get upset with you when you don't agree with them. They will get upset if you don't align yourself with them against the other. They will be offended when it seems like you are choosing the other one's side or that you are not standing up for them like they think you should. In worst cases, if it continues to escalate you may even find yourself in the impossible position of having to choose between your wife and your mother which may mean cutting off contact with the other, ending that relationship. Change the dynamics before it spirals even further.", "It sounds to me like you have had a lot going on and now you are afraid you are going to lose the last things you care about, your pets. I do not know what all is going on in your family, and I cannot answer for your dad’s actions or his reasoning behind this.I would recommend that you focus on developing healthy coping skills. We cannot change what others do but we can change how what they do affects us. If you have all of your emotions and all of yourself tied up into one thing (like your pets) then when that thing is taken away it causes a lot of emotional distress. It is really good to have a wide variety of interests such as friends, hobbies, games, etc. Develop other things that you care about and are passionate about.Another reason for developing healthy coping skills to deal with whatever might be going on in your life is if you don’t have healthy ones, you may develop some very unhealthy ones. You have to cope somehow, right? Developing unhealthy ways of coping with life is only going to make life more difficult for you.I don’t know if this is what it is like for you at your house, but there are two kinds of household environments that can cause dysfunction in children. One is when you grow up in a very rigid stern household where all decisions are made for you and you feel like you have no control over anything. The other is a household where things were chaotic and you never knew what was going to happen next and had no stability. People need to have some stability in their lives and need to feel in control over some things in order to feel safe. Both of these environments can lead you to develop some unhealthy ways of coping with life. Please talk to a trusted adult about your feelings before it gets any worse.", "Just ask him.I'm not sure how you saw his phone if you're in a long distance relationship, because long distance means you live far apart from each other and don't get to see each other in person. Therefore, I think we may have a different understanding of the definition of \"long distance relationship\" which makes it hard for me to adequately answer this question for you.I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, after two and a half years, I don't think it's unreasonable to have an open and honest talk with each other about where the relationship is going and what you both want and expect. Long distance relationships are difficult to keep alive because you don't ever see each other in person. Talking, texting, and video chatting isn't enough, and the longer the physical distance remains, the more difficult it becomes to keep an emotional closeness. It may be time to evaluate the situation, figure out when (if ever) the two of you will be able to be together in person, and if you can and want to wait that long. Do you both want the same things out of life? If one of you wants to take the relationship to the next level but the other doesn't, then it doesn't matter if it's long distance or not - if you aren't on the same page with the relationship, it is going to be difficult to make it work.Trust is important. Issues with trust, insecurity, jealousy, lying and/or hiding things from each other, being afraid to speak up and have an honest conversation - these things can ruin relationships if not addressed. I know confrontation of any sort can be hard for some people, but it is necessary at times. Evaluate your true feelings for him. Are you with him for reasons other than love, such as being afraid to be alone or thinking you wouldn't be able to find someone else? Has he ever given you reason to be suspicious of his female coworkers or friends before? Some people, unfortunately, develop a track record of indiscretions and give their significant others ample reason for distrusting them. However, if this is not the case, you may be unfairly judging his texting through the eyes of your own insecurities. It may be time for you both to take an honest assessment of your own reasons for being in the relationship, figure out what you want, and make a decision. This may result in bringing the two of you closer and taking the relationship to the next level. Or, it could lead to a decision to end things. I know that can be difficult, but you both deserve to be happy and to be allowed to make the decisions that will lead to your personal happiness.", "I want to applaud you for taking this first step towards realizing that this is an issue and wanting to do something about it.  You are already on the road to a happier life with this realization.  A lot of women do not recognize that it may be something about them that continues to attract a man like this and will only blame it on the men for treating them that way.  Until you realize there is a problem you won’t start looking for a solution.Don’t misunderstand me!  The abuse is not your fault! You are seeing a pattern, though, so this does need to be addressed. First, go and buy the book “Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin” by Anne Katherine.  Read it.  This book describes many situations that are similar to yours, describes how a person came to be that way, and how to stop it.  You will have to learn to set good boundaries in your life and to maintain them.Be single for a while.  Stay single until you feel like a whole, healthy, happy person on your own.  Often we get in a relationship because of a need.  If you feel like you need a person in your life to make you a whole person then you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons.  The first step is to work on whatever it is in you that makes you feel like you need another person in your life.  Identify those needs and then learn to fulfill them on your own.I was doing a couples therapy session and the husband was being emotionally abusive to the wife.  This was a recurrent theme for her, like you are saying it is for you.  However, she had been doing a lot of work on her own and in private therapy, and this was a new relationship.  Obviously she still had not “gotten it right” because she did once again attract a man with these tendencies.  The difference this time was that she had done a lot of work on herself and had become a stronger person.  When she looked at him in our session and said to him “I don’t need you. I want you.  But not if you are going to continue to act like this.  So you leave the house and don’t come back until you are ready to make some changes.”  She stuck to that, too.  He didn’t leave for two more days because he kept telling her he would do different and begging to be allowed to stay.  She had drawn a boundary and stuck to it, and he left. She was fully prepared to be single again.  They actually did end up working things out in the end.You can’t let someone stay and continue to treat you badly.  Sure, a marriage takes work and compromise on both sides.  Couples therapy can help you both learn to communicate in a healthier way with each other and can help you realize what areas in the relationship need work.  You may not realize how some of the things you say to him comes across, and he may not realize how what he says does to you.  A therapist can help you with this so that you both learn how your words can hurt. But you need to know your boundaries and be prepared to stick to them and not compromise your boundaries.  That means following through on the threat to leave when he continues to abuse you.  Someone can’t do that if they are too scared to be alone.  If they feel they need the other person in their life. These patterns are developed in early childhood from what we learn from our parents.  When someone has grown up in a dysfunctional family, it is all they know.  Even when you can say that you realize it is a problem, you still don’t know how to stop it because you never learned any other way of interacting with people.  Something that took a lifetime to learn will take time and work to overcome.  Be patient with yourself and find a good therapist.  You can’t change your partner.  Work on you, and when you begin to heal and feel healthy, the right people will come into your life and stay.  The more you focus on trying to change the wrong ones to be what you want the more frustrated you will become.", "I am sorry to hear of these troubles. I see a few issues here. I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled? Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you. People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on. In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a “self” outside of this relationship can be unhealthy. It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship. Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.There are two books that I recommend you buy and read. One is Codependent No More. The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable. You cannot change her and cannot change her mind. Sometimes the best thing is to let go. If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again. It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving. I suggest backing off and letting her go. Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind. If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.", "I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today’s time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.I am unsure how old you are. If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do. A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you. Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time. By this I mean a sex change. Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly. Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis. Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes. Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice. Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual. I wish you all the best in your identity crisis. It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time. Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.", "I will admit I am confused about this question. Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist? Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication. Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle. They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court. Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation. Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time. If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this. If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board. Every therapist is licensed in their state. There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly. Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad. Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this. If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.", "Anything can become an addiction.  Eating, gambling, shopping, sex, even exercising.  It sounds like this has become a behavioral addiction for you.  A therapist can help you identify the underlying reasons and help you learn to control the urges and develop healthier coping skills. People turn to an activity that makes them feel better when something is bothering them emotionally or mentally.  Anything can become a problem if you overuse it.  This is why it is important to have a healthy balance of activities in your life; more than one thing that you can turn to in order to help you cope.  Addictions are formed when we turn to the same thing over and over again.  Sex is a very powerful addiction for some people.  It makes us feel good.  We get pleasure from it. I had a client that turned to eating as her “addiction.”  The advice I gave her applies to your situation as well.  Eating is something that we have to do and that an addict cannot “cold turkey” and walk away from.  My client could not tell when she felt the urge to eat if it was because she was hungry or because she was upset about something and was subconsciously turning to food to make her feel better.  Her body was telling her brain that she needed to eat.  I asked her to first STOP and THINK when she felt the urge to eat.  Look at the clock and mark the time.  Tell herself that in one hour if she was still hungry then she could eat, but that she needed to find something else to occupy her mind and her time until the hour had passed.  She tried this for a week.She said it worked.  She would get busy reading a book, watching TV, or would go for a walk around her neighborhood for exercise and these activities would take her mind off things and the hour would pass and she wouldn’t even notice the time.  What this did for her was stop an unhealthy behavior and replace it with some healthier activities.  She had to learn to first recognize when she was feeling the urge, and then to come up with other activities to do instead. You can do this with your urges.  Having sexual gratification as your one “go to” method to cope is causing you distress.  Make a list of other activities that you like and that you can engage in, and when you feel the sexual urge, make yourself do another activity for an hour to get your mind off of it.  It may take a few tries to find an activity that will hold your attention.  A habit that has developed over time is not going to be so easy to break.Please go to a medical doctor and get evaluated as well.  They can do lab work and check your hormone levels.  If needed, medication can help.  After being cleared medically, counseling can help you.  You stated that you have a disability that makes it impossible.  A therapist can help you explore the feelings that you are experiencing due to the inability to have sex.  This is a grief/loss issue in the same way that someone who had lost the ability to walk might be grieving over his mobility.  Something that you used to be able to do, now you cannot.  It is expected that you might have some feelings of anger or sadness about this." ]

[ "The conversation on the phone is critical.  it goes both ways, sometimes you just feel in their tone and words that you could be a match. Ask the Therapist questions if you have them. Not every Therapist is a good fit for every client. Not every client is a good fit for every Therapist." ]

[ "Hello, I'm so glad you decided to take the first step in opening a conversation first. Deciding to go to therapy can sometimes be difficult for some, but with the right therapist, healing is possible and obtainable, even with what you've described. To answer your question, no you do not have too many issues to go to counseling.  You've been through a lot and have been strong and at times it's helpful to have someone else to help you through it. What I would say is to be sure and find a therapist who is experienced in sexual abuse and trauma overall. But you absolutely do not have too many issues for counseling. Please feel free to ask any other questions you may have regarding your situation and I hope you find the therapist you're looking for, there are many great ones out there. Many of the issues you're experiencing may be tied together from the trauma. Best Wishes. Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC", "Hello,It is completely understandable that you would not want people to know about your depression. I would first like commend you for realizing that you need to help with your depression by reaching out here. That is a great start, and you've taken the very first courageous step. Depression can feel debilitating and overwhelming. Depression is also a very personal thing and no one has know but you and the therapist. The best way to begin learningand dealing is to pick up the phone and call a therapist or email a therapist and schedule a session. The great news is that with professional help you can feel better and you will learn how deal with and manage the depression. There are many ways to help with depression that a therapist can teach you and help guide. You do not have do this alone. Asking for help and going to therapy is a strength! This can be done in a private and confidential setting.Depression should be treated by a therapist, in a safe, confidential office setting. The therapist can then discuss your depression with you in more detail to figure out the underlying cause, how long you've been feeling this way and identify what brings on these feelings. There is hope and depression can be treated with great success, you CAN feel good again. Depression can be managed appropriately by seeing a licensed therapist. Often times therapy will offer relief because you would have someone there simply to listen to you, validate your feelings and listen to your story. The therapist will be able to offer professional insight and perspective on the situation and help you think outside the box. The therapist can do many things with you, provide insight and offer many ideas to help you learn new coping skills and ideas of things you enjoy, encouraging you to re engage in hobbies you once enjoyed or even discover new things you may enjoy. There are creative ways to learn to cope too!Your therapist will also be there to support you, without judgement, at your pace, through the entire process. But the first step is finding a therapist and beginning to identify the cause your depression. Healing is possible and getting your happiness back is also possible.Feel free contact me for additional help or informationLaura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC", "Hello. First, I am so sorry you are experiencing these feelings. They can be intense, I will do my best to offer some suggestions or thoughts that I hope will be helpful to you. There could be a number of things occurring. Therapy is a delicate, private decision and I would first like to commend you for the fact that you are not giving up, that you are working to figure this out, and make this work, it sounds like you are engaged and motivated to receive support from a professional, your continued  dedication and motivation will take you far. I would first start by asking if you have discussed this with your therapist, if you feel comfortable enough telling your therapist what is going on, maybe inform the therapist that  that you feel nervous and shaky. I am a firm believer in open communication between the client and therapist as this builds a healthy therapeutic relationship that yields positive outcomes, if this can be obtained and well received. This is YOUR time for healing and therapy should be a safe, supportive environment to not only process but to seek support and guidance from a professional who can help you move past the barriers. If you feel you are comfortable and able to speak to your therapist, that would be my first suggestion, is to tell he or she how you are feeling. If they know then they can help determine the potential cause and allow you to process and move forward. If this is left un resolved it will be hard for you to move forward. If you are not comfortable discussing this with your therapist, this may be something to take into consideration and worthy of thinking about: why you are not comfortable speaking to the therapist. I understand this is difficult. If I may offer one more suggestion, breathing exercises are very beneficial. Remind yourself what you are working to achieve, close your eyes in a safe moment and breathe in and out slowly, in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth with pursed lips. Breathe in for approximately 5-10 seconds, then let it out slowly. Be sure and do this when you are in private, and feel safe environment. When you begin, I suggest putting your hand on your stomach, over your belly button to feel yourself actually taking in those deep breaths. I know it may sound kind of silly but they really work and are incredibly helpful. We often forget to breathe, especially when we  are feeling anxious. You are supported here and try taking yourself through the above thought process and breathing and practice the breathing several times a day. I hope this shaky and uneasy feeling eases. Wishing you the very best!Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC", "I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth. You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist  share  your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken  in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start.  I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a  consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapistLaura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC", "I would like to offer my compassion that you are struggling with with these feelings. With the information provided and not knowing what your childhood was like or what you've experienced, I will say that from my experience working with people, these feelings are normal, and a normal part  of the process  of healing and just by posting your question tells me you're aware and desire to change this. Very good! I commend your strength. Your feelings are not uncommon and the feelings of abandonment, or second guessing or loss of happiness are also not uncommon.  It's also not uncommon for these issues to arise and trickle into our adult life and relationships. Again, with little information about your situation, it is hard to give an exact answer. However, those who have experienced a dysfunctional childhood or trauma, often present with the issues and feelings you've described. The great news, is that with good therapy, you can regain your happiness, self worth and begin to feel  empowered, you deserve to be happy. Be patient, gentle and kind  to yourself. I would encourage you to begin with searching for a licensed therapist in your area, maybe go for a consultation session  and simply see how your feel about it. Therapy can be incredibly helpful and life changing. I wish you the very best! Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC" ]

[ "I believe that most people usually know right within the first couple of sessions if they have found the right therapist. You would want someone that you can trust and someone that you feel comfortable talking to.  You would also want someone who has the experience and skills to help you with your situation.  You can verify your therapist's skills and experience by asking them about their credentials, certifications, and training." ]

[ "I think you have a lot of insight into what’s going on - being able to pinpoint the issue you’re facing and describe the responses it evokes. It sounds like you may be dealing with social anxiety and it may be beneficial to talk to a professional counselor about this. A therapist can help you develop tools (or coping strategies) for dealing with these situations. From what you’ve shared, you might benefit from animal assisted therapy. Equine therapy is a great approach, or even just working with a therapist who uses animal assisted therapy integrated with a traditional approach to counseling.", "Finding the right therapist for you may take time - or you may find one the first try. Two important things to think about when first finding a therapist are “do I feel safe?” and “do I feel heard?” The first time seeing a therapist can be anxiety provoking. It may be uncomfortable. Unless there are giant red flags about a therapist (things beyond meeting someone for the first time and answering uncomfortable but important questions), I always suggest seeing a therapist 3-4 times before making a decision to try another. It may end up that you feel like your therapist isn’t the best fit for you, but again, I encourage you to give them a couple times before moving on. When you get past the initial sessions of paperwork and gathering information, you can gauge the client - therapist relationship better, and when you find the right person to work with, you will know it.", "Definitely. Therapy helps us work through the tough stuff. It’s a safe place where we can let our guards down. When you are getting things out verbally, a physical and emotional response is completely natural. Crying is a healthy release. Many people cry during therapy - some perhaps once in a while, and others may every session. Wherever you are on that spectrum, it is absolutely normal and you are not at all alone." ]

[ "What you're experiencing is anxiety, it's actually quite common. Good news - you're not alone in this experience! That being said, it can be so frustrating and upsetting to have to contend with the anxious thoughts that come up in our heads, sometimes without any warning. Additionally, nighttime is a particularly vulnerable time for a lot of people wherein anxiety rears its' ugly head even more so. We aren't as distracted at night and our resources are more depleted so we can't fight back against these thoughts as effectively as usual. It can be helpful to externalize our anxiety, give it a name, like \"Judy\" or \"Bill\" for example (or perhaps something more sinister like Lord Garmadon??). The naming is all up to you, what comes to mind for you when you think of your anxiety, now what is a name that's fitting? The act of externalizing separates us from the anxiety a bit and makes it a little more tolerable. If you can think of your anxiety as just something else to handle rather than it being a part of your personality, this is usually helpful. Additionally, I recommend not avoiding the situations that make you feel this way. Our brains have to learn what is an actual threat and what is not. Right now, your brain thinks that crowds are a threat, if you can practice some deep breathing and stay in the crowd, you will start to teach (or rewire) your brain, letting it know that the crowd is not dangerous to you. Think of your brain as an overprotective parent. Your brain is overreacting in these situations to try and keep you safe. It just needs to learn that the situation is not a danger to begin with." ]

[ "Thinking whether or not you have the right therapist can be overwhelming if you are not sure what you want or need. But think of this, you feel safe and comfortable that you share what you’ve never told anybody. You feel understood and listened to. You feel their support.  You trust them. Do you believe they can help you? If you do not, then that might make it hard for you to want to open up.As far as how would you how to train your therapist to help you. If you know what you need all you have to do is share this with your therapist.  If you don’t know then therapy is a collaborative process so both you and your therapist will work together to figure out your needs and how to best meet them." ]

[ "If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match.", "In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences.  All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally.   That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future.  You have power over your life and your future.  By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas.  The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences.  By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past.", "It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband.  Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up.  It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using \"I\" statements (I feel----when you---).  This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person.  If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective.", "It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word.  The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship.  If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship.", "It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close.  Do you typically spend most of your time together?  If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart.  If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why.  Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about.  If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief.   It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend." ]

[ "It feels overwhelming right? Like if I have this many issues and I can't deal with them, how can somebody else... yet for a decent therapist, your issues are totally doable. It will take time, therapy is not a magic cure, but if you are patient with yourself, you can move through each of the issues. Some of the issues like the sexual abuse and some of the trauma from being a breast cancer survivor can be dealt with a little more quickly using an eye movement therapy like EMDR or Accelerated Resolution Therapy. Some you are going to have to feel the pain and learn coping strategies. Know that you are not a lost cause and there are people that come in ALL the TIME with just as many issues, if not more. Counseling can initially feel scary, overwhelming and so completely vulnerable, which is exceptionally difficult for sexual abuse survivors. Just know, the hardest part is often taking that first step to get help, and knowing that there is somebody willing and happy to support you as you get emotionally healthier.", "Hi There...do you find it is just in crowds or do you find it when you are around other people as well? Like if someone is angry you can feel their anger? if they are sad, you feel their sadness?   Are the thoughts and conversations sometimes mean and then you feel guilty, and then feel bad about yourself? Sometimes this happens when people have anxiety, but it can also happen when you are a highly sensitive person. (Check out Elaine Aron's website HSPersons.com). Essentially, HSPs have more mirror neurons (the ones that reflect back to you other people's emotions) in their brain so the pick up other people's energy and then things like crowds can feel overstimulating for them. We then imaging ourselves in other's shoes, and it can create a guilt loop. A good therapist should be able to help you identify what is happening for you.", "Hi. Bright kids often have a sense of perfectionism....when they are smart they often do not get to many opportunities to fail early in life because they adapt quickly. IAs they get older, they feel failure, and it can trigger anxiety. If you find she is sensitive in other areas, like really in tune with things happening in the world, highly aware of fair versus unfair, startles easily, is sensitive to smells, sights or fabrics, etc, she may be a highly sensitive child (check out Elaine Aron's website HSPersons.com) there is a great quiz on there and high sensitive and being bright have a correlation. A skilled therapist that is used to working with high functioning kiddos should be able to help let you know if it is anxiety due to pefectionism or if there is something else going on.  A lot of times school has support groups that can help as well, so try checking with your daughter's school guidance counselor.  It is okay to talk with her about how we learn from our mistakes.", "Hi, A good fit should have expertise in your issues. Generally, if you read their profile it should resonate with you...like they are talking directly to you. When you get into the therapy sessions, a good therapist will adapt their style to match your needs, they have done years of training to make sure they can help, so you should not have to \"train your therapist\" :) If you do, they are NOT a good fit. The idea of coming to therapy, is that you are there to get a different perspective and change what is not working for you, by that definition, you may not know what you need from therapy and that is where your therapist should be guiding you. That being said, in order for your therapist to give you the best service possible, they do need for you to be honest and let them know if you are willing or unwilling to incorporate the strategies they are offering. They need you to be willing to try things that are uncomfortable. A good therapist will also challenge your beliefs, make you question what you have done before...occasionally you should leave lighter, sometimes heavier, sometimes happy, sometimes lost in thought. If they are a good fit, you should feel like you can be your authentic self and feel safe, even if it is not easy. If you leave their office feeling like they are just a friend and you are not growing, they probably are not a right fit. If you leave their office feeling constantly frustrated, they are probably not a good fit. If they are not, let them know. A lot of times they can change their style or refer you to someone who is a better fit. It is okay to let your therapist know it does not seem to be working for you.", "Oh My! Absolutely it is! I half jokingly tell my clients if I don't make you cry at least 1x during therapy, I am not doing my JOB!  I also let them know I am highly sensitive and may tear up with them, but not to worry, I cry at a good hallmark commercial :) Crying in therapy is not only normal, it is healthy and expected. I keep 3 tissue boxes in my office, all within grabbing distance. When you are in there, a lot of times you are working on really heavy, difficult stuff that maybe you have not shared before, and that may stir up emotions and tears.  People don't tell you how hard of work therapy is, but it TRULY is HARD WORK if you are doing it right.  Let the tears flow, they are cleansing and can help you heal." ]

[ "It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy in therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!", "You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain.  My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it  .Good luck! You can do this!", "I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you." ]

[ "Therapy often brings up big emotions - and generally ones that we may have been pushing down for a long time! Crying is one of the ways that our body deals with a sudden change in emotions. It's a bodily function just like any other. There's no \"normal\" way to be in therapy, but crying is a frequent occurrence in the office; it's why most therapists have a tissue box close to where you sit!" ]

[ "\"Normal\" can be an insidious word to use because it can undermine your sense of worth.  It implies there's one particular way you should be behaving and can leave you feeling crappy and \"abnormal\" if you're not behaving according to that prescribed standard.  Instead, what I'd recommend is to pay attention to your emotional experiences when you're attending therapy.  Explore your feelings and thoughts without judgement and try to reflect and understand what's going on that's causing you anxiety.  Once you figure out the underlying meaning of the anxiety, you can figure out a way to handle it and action steps to take to diminish it.", "The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.", "There are many possible ways dating your boss could go awry and jeopardize your occupational well-being so my recommendation is to hold off on presenting your boss with a personalized gift and instead focus on building attraction and romantic interest with someone who is not at the workplace.  Sometimes the element of power and unavailability can heighten our sexual interest but that doesn't mean it's a healthy idea to pursue someone who is in a position of power over you at your workplace.", "In order to develop a better intimate connection with your husband, it's important to first cultivate a strong connection with yourself.  I would take some time to explore your own body, notice what feels pleasurable, and play with different ways to achieve orgasm on your own.  Explore your own willingness to be open emotionally, sexually, and to play and have fun.Once you've engaged in a process of self exploration, I would check in with yourself and be honest about why you're not enjoying sex.  Are there specific reasons you're not enjoying sex with your husband?  Sometimes the reasons might be of a sexual nature and other times there could be emotional blocks (or anxiety) or other reasons that prevent you from wanting to be fully open and let go with your partner.  From a sexual perspective, I would explore what you can do to increase your own pleasure, learn ways to communicate your needs in a loving way, and focus on pleasure and play (rather than outcome and orgasm).   Begin by taking the pressure off orgasm and enjoy a naked massage together-- focusing on exploring what feels pleasurable.  Lastly, if you're wanting to learn new skills, check out a local sex workshop.", "Recognizing that you're too dependent on your boyfriend can be a wakeup call and an excellent opportunity to work on your own personal growth and independence.  It sounds like it's time to explore and develop your own interests and engage in some activities that excite and challenge you.  If you have time, it could be useful to begin a new activity or class, cultivate friendships outside of your relationship with your boyfriend, and begin to reflect and meditate on ways to enhance your own personal fulfillment." ]

[ "This is tricky because there are different types of emotional support dogs. The ones that are officially trained actually go through months of training and then are paired with someone for whom they perform specific tasks.You may benefit from looking at the blog written by Valerie Parrott, who has an emotional support dog due to severe anxiety and panic. I will warn you that her blog is very blunt, but she is honest and she has gone through this process: https://thedogintheroom.wordpress.com/2016/06/20/what-makes-a-service-dog/#more-508", "For some people, having a sense of belonging takes some time.You mentioned that you have an education and some basic daily needs. I wonder if you may be able to look at your relationship with yourself and what makes you feel happy, safe, and having a sense of accomplishment. If you have those feelings, I wonder how you define trust and who you trust.You say you have a good time with people who are \"supposed to be close,\" so I wonder what keeps them from feeling close. I have also wondering if you have been emotionally hurt in the past, and if so, you may have some protective defenses that you use (maybe on purpose, maybe not) to protect yourself from being hurt again. Remember that this idea comes in degrees where you can be more perfect in certain situations and a little less in others. Being emotionally protected is on a spectrum or continuum, where you can make an infinite amount of adjustments or changes with different people and situations.I also wonder what it is that you want in your \"home,\" and how you define it. Consider giving yourself permission to think about how you would define your perfect home in a world where there were no realistic restrictions (such as money or location). After you have that, consider what parts of that you can have. Perhaps there is a small part that you could make a reality within a week or so.Thank you for reaching out. If this continues to be difficult for you, consider seeing a local mental health professional so you can discuss some more specific details.", "There can be lots of different factors contributing to this. Here are some possible tips:Consider if you know anything about what specifically is making you feel sad? If you're looking for activities because you cannot participate in what you like to do in the warmer months, consider finding some indoor winter activitiesConnect with others. One idea is to join a group (such as a book club) that meets regularly. This could give you something to look forward to regardless of the colder weather.Enjoy the sunshine from indoors. You may notice that sometimes looks are deceiving women is bright and sunny outside, but is also quite cold when you open the door. If you are staying inside for the day, consider allowing yourself to enjoy the sunlight without specifically considering that it is also cold.Consider using a light box. Certain types of light boxes are designed to help with the \"winter blues.\" You can find more information here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/light-therapy/home/ovc-20197416Recently, one of the nurse practitioners that I work with has been checking a lot of vitamin D and vitamin B12 levels and she says the lower levels of these vitamins can contribute to feelings of less motivation or energy than is desired.Each of us has days when we are not thrilled about the weather and may be feeling sort of \"bummed\" or \"down.\" If you find yourself having these days frequently or for several consecutive days in the above strategies are not helping, consider talking with a therapist about more specific strategies that may be of help to you. Also, because  if everything you would see is likely to live in your area, they would be familiar with the weather patterns where you are and may have some tips that they use for themselves or With other clients.", "It is possible that you have depression, but you could also be experiencing some other changes that mean that you have feelings of being sad without actually being depressed. Your statement makes it sound like you've stopped caring about your work, but you're still going to work and doing your work. It almost sounds like you are dissatisfied with your work. Do you like what you do? When you said that life is pointless, what makes it that way? What is keeping you going? Is there something you can do each day that you can find meaning in?You mentioned that you are not sure if you need help or are just tired. It sounds like you could certainly benefit from talking with someone about more specifics.I'm curious about how long you have felt this way and if you are aware of anything that is contributing to it.", "One thing that may help is to focus on small things that you do have control over. If you can hold onto that sense of having control over what you wear or what you choose to eat or where you go during the day, this may help you be able to look at what is currently most important for you and consider different choices. For example, you say you can't get a job, but I wonder if you could work with and local agencies to help you find a job, like Career Link. You say you have no friends currently. Are there any previous friends that you can get back in contact with?You mentioned that you have no friends. Is there anyone in your life that you can talk with, even if it's not someone that you consider a closest friend?", "It sound like there are some parts of your life that you really enjoy it and also some things that you wish were different.You say you feel like nothing more than a wife and mom, so I wonder if you could make a list of what else you are (friend, daughter, etc.). I also wonder if you could list your positive attributes or skills.I don't know what you gave up, but I wonder if there is some way that you could spend an hour or so a week working on things that you like and/or spending some time with what you did before you had children. For example, if you're missing a certain part of your career, maybe you could work with your husband to come up with a plan where you could do whenever that is for one day a week. There are often a lot of small changes that can lead you in that direction.Of course, that is assuming that you want to continue being involved with what you were doing before.  If not, what else do you want to do? What is it that makes you feel happy? What do you look forward to? Remember that looking forward to having an hour or two where you can do something for yourself does not mean that you are not a good mother or wife. These ideas can coexist.Can you talk with your husband about how you are feeling? Do you have trust for one another with feelings such as these?", "If you have already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, can you go back to the people who diagnosed you with those things?It may be that your parents would be open to you talking with someone because it sounds like you have done this in the past. I don't know whether you have a specific reason that you are thinking they may have some hesitation, but if you are comfortable saying that you would really like to talk to someone because you are feeling sad or anxious (or whichever of your concerns you feel comfortable revealing to them), that may be a way to start the process. As for how you tell them about the fact that you have harmed yourself in the past and used to be suicidal, a therapist may be able to work together with you to discuss the best way to tell them about that.I'm not sure if you have told anyone about what you have been experiencing, but if you have some support there, perhaps they would be able to give you feedback about ways to talk with your parents as well.You mentioned that sometimes you hear voices. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but if the voices that you hear are giving you directions and you feel as though you might follow them, that would be a time to ask for immediate help, before you follow through with what they are telling you, perhaps by calling 800-273-8255. They may be able to connect you with local resources and they can definitely talk with you in the moment that you call.", "Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or \"walk a mile in their shoes.\" There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.", "I don't know how long ago your breakup was, but I would suggest that you reach out to friends or family that you trust and perhaps a local mental health clinician.I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you are not able to function during the day and night. If you are having trouble sleeping for more than a few nights, consider talking with your primary care physician. Not sleeping can really make changes in your emotions seem much larger.Can you find anything in your life that is the same as it was before the breakup? This may be a starting point for you. I wonder if you could think of and moment or two each day when you feel emotionally at peace while you are awake. Also consider looking at things that you can control, such as when you choose to wear, eat, and who you talk to about your deepest feelings.You mentioned that you have friends and family. I wonder if any of them are supportive to you.Please reach out and talk to someone about the details. I get the sense that you feel that you are alone in this, and having someone there to help you sort out what you're feeling sounds like it would be a gift to yourself.", "I'm sorry that you have tried several different things and not had much relief.I will say that there are several different types of medications that may help and each therapist is different, so it is quite possible that a different combination of things you've already tried may be helpful.I would encourage you to continue trying different therapists. I would say to give each one at least six sessions before you decide that the approach that they are using is not working for you. Also, most places have a certain sort of structured initial session that must be done, but after that, the decisions are largely up to what you and the clinician feel is helping. If something is or is not working, communicate this with your therapist. This is a big deal. Most therapists I know actually welcome this feedback.There is a fair amount of research into the idea that the therapeutic alliance (the relationship that you have in the context of working through the reasons that brought you into therapy) is very important. Also, sometimes anxiety and depression can make it difficult to go to therapy on a regular basis. If that is something with which you are struggling, I would encourage you to talk about that as well.In addition to a solid relationship with a therapist who you connect with, you may consider trying something like yoga or meditation. Mindfulness is sometimes helpful as well.Here's a link to questions for finding suitable therapists: http://www.pharmatherapist.com/12-tips-for-finding-a-suitable-therapist", "The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.", "One thing that comes to mind is making a list of some things that happen each day. It could be that there are things that are affecting how upset you are, but because so many other things are going on, you may not notice.Another idea to try is to keep a list for a month of one good thing that happened each day. This way, when you're having a rough day, you have a list to think of and take a look at.Are you eating and sleeping in ways that are typical for you (typically at least two meals per day and roughly 8 hours of sleep that night (may be different depending on your age)? These two ideas are closely related to changes in your mood.From where do you have support? Friends or family?Can you take 5 or 10 minutes per day to do something that you enjoy?If you think back to the last time that you felt \"content,\" what was contributing to that?Another possibility is to try to be mindful of things that you do every day. For example, rather than eating a turkey sandwich as fast as possible on your lunch break, consider actually tasting it and enjoying it. Also consider giving yourself praise for doing something well. For example, when you finish your paperwork, take a moment to notice that and maybe reward yourself by checking your e-mail, reading five pages of a book, or something else that can be done quickly before you get back to your next task.", "It sounds as if you would benefit from talking with a local mental health professionals so you can discuss some details.Having said that, I wonder if you could consider how you would define yourself to someone who doesn't know you. For example, honest, adaptable, fun-loving, dependable, compassionate, open-minded, dedicated, etc. If you're looking for a list of adjectives, try these: https://www.englishclub.com/vocabulary/adjectives-personality-positive.htm . There is a list of negative ones here too. If you're going to use those, try to use three positive ones for each of the negative ones. You could also try asking yourself what you love about yourself and/or what others love about you. Sometimes it's easier to consider what others see as our positive points and if this is difficult for you, try asking someone who you trust to help you with the list.The idea here is to look at your relationship with yourself. I don't mean this in a way that you would be talking to yourself and receiving answers, but rather looking at yourself in a way that you deserve the same kind of loving and compassion that you give to others or want others to have.I'm also curious as to whether you are eating and sleeping okay, as these things can really affect your focus and many other changes, such as differences in your emotions. Also, you saying that you are struggling to put things into perspective leads me to believe that you are going through some things right now that are not typical for you, if so, consider from whom you have support and the ability to talk about what you are going through.Consider Metta meditation here to help give yourself loving kindness: http://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html", "It sounds like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders.I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not stable and you are breaking down. If you are crying because you're sad, that is okay. If you are crying a lot or having trouble eating or sleeping, that's different than just crying sometimes because you are sad. It may be helpful to talk with a local mental health professional in your area. They can help you to figure out what you could do differently to have the role in your family that you would like while also supporting yourself and what you want.", "I imagine that it's pretty disconcerting to feel as though you lost yourself.When you said that you are jaded, I'm not sure whether you mean that you are jaded toward someone, something, life in general, or some combination thereof.One of the difficult things about anxiety is that anxiety can lead to more anxiety because of being concerned about having another panic attack. Consider remembering that panic attacks usually only last a few minutes and the reason they don't go away right away is because of the way your brain releases chemicals because some part of your brain is reacting as if you are in danger in some way.As far as finding yourself, you may consider looking at what parts of each day you can control as a way to stay centered. You could also focus on something that makes you feel happy and/or comfortable.You may also consider the list of values here to give yourself an idea of what is most important to you, what it is that you are living by now, and what values you would prefer to live by. http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarificationIf this proves to be difficult, consider seeing a local therapist.", "Sometimes when we fight a lot with our partner, it becomes more uncomfortable to share emotions because it feels like it will lead to another flight or disagreement.You could try having a conversation when you're not fighting and starting it out by saying that you would like to discuss something important to you and see if your fiancée is open to that.Something else is that you could have an agreement that if one of you is having a really strong emotions in a difficult conversation and would like to break from the conversation, you could agree (ahead of time) that you'll say that you would like a \"timeout\" and will come back to discuss the issue in a certain amount of time (usually about an hour) and then try to resume the discussion. The reason this can work is it can give you a chance to calm down and then still go back to the discussion rather than not talking about it again. This only works if both of you agree to that before something starts, though.", "If your husband is changing his mind about whether or not he wants to stay in the relationship, I wonder if you both might benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. In my training working with couples, partners come into counseling with one of three goals in mind: strengthening the relationship, getting a divorce, or making a decision. The decision could be whether or not stay together or it could be any number of other things, such as what state to live in.When you ask whether you have to respect whatever decision he makes, respecting his decision does not mean that you have to agree with what he decides. While you do not have the power to change his decision, he also does not have the power to change yours or how you feel about it. Having said that, if he is changing his mind a lot, chances are that the only decision he has made is that he needs to make a decision. Weighing the options of an important decision (any type of important decision) can be anxiety-producing its own right.The fact that you said you were diagnosed with severe depression leads me to believe that you are already seeing a therapist. Perhaps he or she can assist you in navigating through this. I'm wondering how you feel when you are around your husband. I'm not sure whether you are saying that having him there is a source of comfort for you or that it leads you to feel more sad. Maybe it is a little bit of both.", "If you are currently feeling as if you want to die, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.One way to work on not always thinking so negatively about yourself is to surround yourself with people who are more positive toward you. Do you have friends or family who are supportive?Can you find one part of you that you do not think is ugly?If your stretch marks are still bothering you, talk with a pharmacist or your primary care physician. Sometimes there are creams or lotions you can use to decrease stretch marks and they should be able to guide you in the right direction.You mentioned mostly physical things here. I wonder if you can find one small thing each day that is going right and build from there. Perhaps your son makes you smile?", "Being tired can really affect almost everyone's ability to work through things that make them sad, confused, or angry, among other emotions. If you're having difficulty sleeping, try to get into a habit of going to bed and waking up close to the same time every day. Also consider only using the bed for sleeping so your brain knows that it's time to sleep when you are in bed. If you are not sleeping while you are in bed, consider getting up and reading a book or doing something to make you tired before going back to bed. Hopefully you'll be able to establish a pattern.Sometimes sadness and other emotions make sleeping very difficult as well. Try keeping track of your moods to see what is leading up to the changes.If you're still struggling, consider talking with a therapist about the specifics and/or maybe talking with your primary care physician. There are natural sleep remedies that he or she may recommend for you.", "There are an infinite number of possibilities here. You included a lot of things that you don't have. Is there anyway that you can have some freedom for a few hours a week, at least? A lot of times stay at home moms have groups when they meet at different public places where their children can play together and they can talk together. I don't know how old your child or children is/are, but perhaps going back to work is something that can happen in the future.I wonder if you may consider who you have in your life who can support you. I don't know whether you have a spouse or parents or siblings who could help out with some different things. I wonder if you could consider where you would like to go if you had two or three hours that you could do whatever you wanted? If you can sort out some possible answers to that, maybe you can work together with friends or family to make it happen.Also, again depending on the age of your children, some parents can do things while the children are sleeping, even if you are in the same room. For example, if your children are sleeping for about two hours, maybe 30 minutes of that could be reserved for you and the rest could be for cleaning or other things you need to do.", "I'm not sure whether you are referring to having a lot of activities after school or that homework is overwhelming. Can you set aside a couple hours a week for yourself as a place to start?", "It sounds like being separated from the armed forces is a major loss for you. It takes some time to work through the emotions related to this and it often takes longer if you are trying to work through it without a lot of support.Is there a task that you were doing during your military service that can in some way transfer into civilian life? I don't know what else your life involves, whether you have close friends or a romantic partner, a career, activities that you like to do, and many other things. You may be able to use some of the things that you still have today as a way to start moving forward in a different direction.Your military service will always be a part of you. Thank you for your service.", "It sounds like you have several different things happening at the same time. I would encourage you to call and speak to a local therapist. If you are having thoughts of killing yourself in this moment, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.While I follow that you would like your son to be unaware of what you are going through, that doesn't mean that you can't discuss your feelings with someone else. Who is it that you trust or could speak with about this? A therapist could be one person, but perhaps there is someone else in your life as well.One thing that may help is to find a bead or rock that is smooth and you can hold onto it while thinking of a specific memory where you were happy. This could be from as long ago as necessary as long as it is specific and you can place yourself back in that time when you are thinking about it. If you think about this time while holding onto the bead, the bead may remind you of a time when you felt happy. You could do the same thing for a time when you felt comfortable and safe.Have you recognized any patterns for what is leading you to be sad?Can you think of anything that makes you feel good, even if it only works for a few minutes?", "The answer here really depends upon your age and something called the \"age of consent\" in the state where you live. In Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 can provide consent for their own treatment. As for billing purposes, try talking to some local agencies. If you are under 18, you may be able to have Medicaid out of medical necessity so that you can have treatment. If you are over 18, there may be some discounted rates at some agencies because of the situation you're in. Maybe your primary care physician will be able to refer you to some local agencies.If you are in school, you may be able to talk with a guidance counselor or someone at the school. This would not require using your insurance.", "Try doing something physical. If you haven't exercised before, it is a good idea to get your doctor's approval first, but this can be helpful.The more you can find out about when you want to cut, the easier it will be to figure out what else you can do. If you are feeling sad or angry or nervous, look at what is leading up to those feelings and talk to someone about that.You said you are alone. I would see if you can find someone that you can trust to talk with about what you are going through. This could be a parent, a friend, someone at school, a coworker, or any number of other people.", "I've heard people say that they cut themselves as a way to feel relief from different emotions. You're also right that when you try to focus on just not cutting, it becomes more difficult because it's what you are focused on. While that is still something to work on, it may also be helpful to find something else you can do instead. You said drawing doesn't work for you. Sometimes more physical activities, such as doing a few jumping jacks, can be helpful. If you don't exercise, it might be something to talk with your doctor about first.The more you can learn about what makes you want to cut, the easier it will be to find out what you could do to change that. Try talking to somebody about what you are feeling in addition to the urge to cut.", "I wonder if you have moments where you feel happy?You say you have amazing friends. I wonder if you get along with them and feel as though you can be yourself around them.Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do really well at everything all the time and this can be overwhelming sometimes. Where do you have support? I hope you can tell someone that you are feeling sad so that you can talk about your feelings.Sleeping can make a big difference as far as feeling sad as well. If you're not sleeping well at night, that could be a big part of feeling sad a lot.Perhaps you could try to find a person or two who makes you feel totally safe and comfortable and try to talk with them.", "If you look back to when you feel as though you were the \"funny guy,\" I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?", "Well, it's generally okay to feel anxious or nervous about going into therapy, particularly in the beginning because the process of being open about what you are going through, much less to someone who you don't know well, can be anxiety-producing. It's also common to feel anxious when you are discussing something that is important, difficult to discuss, or you are making changes that are very difficult for you.The most important thing I can tell you, though, is to discuss with your therapist this idea that you feel nervous and shaky. Some anxiety can actually help to motivate or lead you toward change. There are also level of anxiety that can be counterproductive, so it's a good thing to discuss. Personally, I can tell you that I would want my clients to tell me about anxiety they feel 100% of the time. That opens the dialog to discuss whether it is the level of anxiety that they want to sit with and learn about in discovering more about themselves and their experiences and/or whether they would like to do something to lessen the feeling of anxiety.Thanks for writing here. If it caused anxiety for you to do so, I hope that feeling is diminishing for you, at least related to writing here.", "This answer could be very different depending on the fear, the degree of it, and what it connects to.I wonder the following:On a scale of 1 to 10, how upset, anxious, or scared to you get when you think about overcoming this? If it's more than a 5/10, I would definitely recommend talking with a therapist in your area.A lot of fears that we have come from something that at one time was self-protective and important. Do you know where your fear started? If you think it is still protecting you or helping you in some way, talk with someone (like a therapist) about it.If it is something that you know is irrational (for example, fear of being hurt by static cling from winter clothing), is there some part of that that you are not afraid of?I really encourage you to consider whether your fear has a lot of emotions connected to it or if it ties from something in your past that was very emotional for you at the time. If it does, consider working with a therapist to establish emotional safety before taking away the fear or anxiety that may actually be helpful to you.Also, the fact that you notice that you are afraid of something and you don't want to be afraid of it anymore is a big step in the forward direction.", "Consider talking with your boyfriend about times that you may be able to talk together while he is away. This way, you have an idea when you'll be able to contact him. Does he recognize the feelings that you have while he is away? How do you feel when you are together with him and he is home?I'm also curious as to how the level of your anxiety (on a scale of 1 to 10, perhaps) changes during the parts of his trips. Maybe there are certain parts that are more or less related to anxiety for you. Perhaps you have less anxiety while working or involved in a specific activity, for example, spending time with friends.When you are both in the same area (when your boyfriend is not traveling), do you do some things independently with friends? Do you know what leads to your anxiety when he is away? I don't know whether it is a general feeling of wanting him to come back or anxiety that something specific will happen to you or him.Do you ever recall feeling this way in your past? If so, what was happening then?What do you have that makes you feel very safe and comfortable?Consider working with a mental health professional in the area. Perhaps it would be helpful for the two of you to meet with a therapist who specializes in couples to see what kind of relationship you want to have and what you can each do to contribute to that relationship. There could be things that you could both start or stop doing to help your relationship move in the direction where you would like it to go. As an example, perhaps you would like a text before your boyfriend goes to bed, no matter what time zone or time of day it is. Perhaps he would prefer a good morning text or call/voicemail from you.", "Sometimes changes make sense. It may be helpful to talk to someone who you trust to get a sense of whether the changes that you are making are those that are considered adaptable or important changes that allow us all to grow. Another possibility is that you are changing things in an effort to get away from something that is uncomfortable or difficult. There are many other possibilities along this continuum.I would ask you to consider the following:What is leading you to want to change your job?What feelings are associated with this change? (Happy, sad, scared, anxious/nervous, confused, motivated, etc.)How is the job that you are looking to transfer to going to be better or different? Are the concerns that you have now going to travel with you?If you are hesitating to get another perspective (from trusted friends or family or some sort of career advisor in your area), where is the hesitation coming from?", "Social anxiety is fear of social situations where someone is exposed to the public scrutiny of others. It could include things like having conversations with people you don't know, being observed, or public speaking, etc.You can find more information here: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety", "In general, Xanax is very short-acting. You mentioned that you are afraid that your medical provider will take you off of the Xanax and put you on something else. If the Xanax is not working well for you, I wonder if something else may work better. What is your reasoning there? Also, sometimes there are medications that you can take in addition to Xanax.In addition to talking with your medical provider about changing the medication, try to track your levels of anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10 throughout the day so you can get a pattern of what is happening. Also consider writing down what is happening before you have anxiety attacks. This may help your medical provider know what medication may be helpful to you or what changes could be made.As far as how to discuss this with your medical provider, I would suggest mentioning the symptom changes you are having (anxiety attacks that are not helped with 0.5mg of Xanax) and ask what they would suggest that might help. If your medical provider suggests taking you off of the Xanax, I would recommend talking about the reasons why you would prefer to stay on the Xanax and what your concerns are about coming off of it. You could also ask whether anything could be combined with Xanax.There are also many other anxiety medications. I have seen lots of people that take more than one medication to lessen anxiety that they are having.I would also consider talking with a therapist (unless the person who is prescribing a medication is also doing therapy with you). Getting more information about your anxiety and how it is affecting you may be greatly helpful to you.", "One of the first things I would suggest is to see if you can keep track of what is leading you to feel anxious. If you shake all the time, consider talking with your primary care physician. Sometimes that can be a hormonal imbalance or another chemical imbalance (such as thyroid).One of the most difficult things about anxiety is that having anxiety (particularly panic attacks) can lead to anxiety about having more panic attacks. Also remember that panic attacks are typically part of your brain's protective response to what it considers to be some sort of threat. You may have heard of the fight or flight response. When you have an anxiety attack, your body is preparing you to react to something that isn't actually a threat, so it's almost as if you're fight or flight response is overactive. Here is an image that may be helpful: http://psychology.tools/fight-or-flight-response.htmlThere are many different things you can do. You can practice breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga techniques. If you decide to try some breathing techniques, try breathing in for a count of five, holding for a count of five, breathing out for a count of five, and repeating five times.Also remember that it is easier to learn these techniques when you're not having a panic attack. At that point, it can be really difficult to use methods to not panic. Also remember that panic attacks typically last 5 to 10 minutes. Using techniques to slow your breathing or become focused on the room around you is probably most helpful when you first start to feel anxious.Here are some other techniques that may help to decrease anxiety: http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/As you figure out what is leading up to your anxiety, also consider asking yourself what is making that certain issue a big concern for you. Another important question could be when you have felt that way before.", "I first wonder what your anxiety or fear connects to. I don't know whether it is about sex itself or about ideas of worthiness or feeling desirable.There is also a difference between having self-doubt about the actual physicality of having sex (performance-related) or having doubts about whether you want to have sex with a particular person.Having sex can lead to feelings of great vulnerability. If your partner is someone you trust, consider discussing what it is that comes up for you around the issue of sex. This is the certain things that your partner would be willing to do that and the ease your discomfort, like staying with you for some time before and after sexual interactions.Another idea to consider is spending time with your partner and using nonsexual touch for each other (perhaps first you to him and then him to you) and communicating very clearly about what you like and do not like. Some people like to be spoken to during physical touch and other people do not. All of this can be part of your discussions. When you feel comfortable with that, you could move into sexual touch in this manner and actually look at what you do and do not like. You may also consider discussing things that are totally off-limits for you all the time and things for which you would like warning or awareness before they happen. There are really a number of different ways to work on becoming more comfortable if you trust your partner and if your concern is about sex itself.If this feels pretty structured, it is initially. Generally, the idea is to learn more about each other and yourselves and then the process becomes much more natural.If the concern relates more to self-esteem related sex, consider asking your partner to list several things that he or she likes about you. Even if you don't necessarily see yourself in the same light, consider that this is how your partner sees you, so these are some of the things that make you attractive to them (perhaps both in sexual ways and in a wider discussion of the relationship).If this is difficult for you to sort out on your own, consider seeing a therapist with experience working with couples or relationships.", "With the way you described your anxiety, it sounds like you have different types of anxiety. I'm not sure whether you have anxiety of public places, large crowds, being alone  (sometimes called separation anxiety), or some combination thereof.One thing that would be helpful would be to track your anxiety and see how anxious you are (on a scale of 1 to 10) in different situations. Also, if you know what leads up to your anxiety, it would be good to know this as well so you can look for patterns.As for forgetting things, you could be anxious because you are forgetting things or you could be forgetting things because you are anxious. When you are having anxiety, certain parts of your brain are overactive because you are in a kind of protective mode. It's also possible that forgetting things and anxiety are not related.Something else to try would be to notice where you feel your anxiety in your body and put your hand there is a way of giving yourself comfort.Another thing about anxiety is that having anxiety can lead to more worry about having more anxiety. One thing that helps for some people is to go to the regular primary care doctor to make sure that there are no physical problems (just for the regular physical) so they know that there are no physical problems and that the anxiety will lessen in a few minutes.Also, if you are able to notice your feet on the floor or your hips in the chair, this is helping you to be mindful of your body and connecting you to your surroundings. During this in combination with naming your emotions can be soothing as well. For example, in the grocery store, if you are feeling anxious, you could say to yourself \"I'm anxious right now and I'm okay\" while gently shifting your weight from one foot to the other. No one around you would notice what you were doing and the motion may be soothing to you.Anxiety can have a lot of different causes and things that trigger it. If it is difficult for you to work it out on your own (which is very common), consider talking with a local therapist so you can have more specific ideas.Also consider making a list of people who you trust and what it is about them that makes you feel comfortable.", "It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxietyI would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.Thanks for being brave to post here.", "I don't see why you can't call, text, or make contact first. It would be up to him to reply when he can and wants to, but I don't know why you couldn't initiate contact.One thing to consider as you get to know each other better is having conversations about conversations. For example, you could say \"I'd like to call or text you more often, but I'm concerned about _____ (listing what you are most worried about).\" Then he can discuss his reaction and you can have a dialogue about it.", "First, be aware that each end every one of us has anxiety at some point. That certainly seems to fit what you're describing here, but that doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder, necessarily. That's where there is a difference. Anyone who has a hard time with public speaking or feels uncomfortable in large crowds, for example, is experiencing anxiety.It sounds like it would be helpful to look at the differences between the days when you are more comfortable on the days that you are not. If you notice your anxiety is keeping you from doing things that you need or want to do, it may be helpful to talk with and mental health professional.I wonder also whether your appetite and sleeping patterns are the same or similar to how they were before you experienced this anxiety, when your anxiety started, and whether you feel more comfortable when someone you trust is there with you.If you have an idea of times or situations in which you feel anxious, consider carrying a small smooth rock or another object that makes you feel calm and centered. Perhaps you can keep it in your pocket and remember specific comfortable times while you have it in your hand.", "I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local mental health agency and see if they can connect you with assistance.In the meantime, try searching for a phone helpline in the county where you live. They may be able to help you figure out where you can get help.Another idea is that if you are in school, your guidance counselor may be able to provide links to where you can go for help. He or she may also be able to give you more specific ideas to help with your panic attacks.I know you said your mom refuses to offer help, which included seeing a doctor, but I wonder if she trusts the doctors that is your primary care physician (also called a family doctor) who you see when you have a minor medical ailment that may need medication. That doctor may be able to help you as well.Some of the information here may be helpful to you because it explains some of what anxiety is and there are some quizzes there that may give you information to discuss with a doctor or therapist when you get connected with one. http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-anxiety-disorders This may give you other information to speak with your mom about. Remember that I'm not asking you to actually diagnose yourself with one of these things, but just offering some basic information that may help you be able to talk about what is going on.If you are having a panic attack or having a moment of anxiety, try focusing on different things in the room around you. It may help to shift your focus briefly outside of what you are feeling and that may lessen the feeling a bit. Also remember that sometimes anxiety leads to more anxiety about having a panic attack in the future. Remember that they usually and after a few minutes.It would also be helpful for you to keep track of what leads up to your anxiety.Best wishes to you and keep trying until you get connected to someone.", "I would suggest possibly talking with a physician about all the different types of protection. They may be able to help you to know about all of the options that are available.It sounds like your partner is open to understanding your concerns. Perhaps until you have the chance to speak with someone about the effectiveness of different contraception and forms of protection, are either of you open to other forms of engaging in sexual intimacy (without penetration, but with use of vibrators, toys designed for sexual interactions, etc.)?", "Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand  the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.", "It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.", "I admire your efforts. You can continue to offer assistance for your son, but it is ultimately up to him to decide what to do with the information or ideas that you are giving to him.One thing you might try is to ask questions in a way that enables you to learn more about what he is experiencing. For example, if he is willing to talk to you about what he does on a daily basis and/or what he would like to be doing, you may be able to get a sense of what he finds difficult and find some resources to help.I might ask things like this (just as examples):Can we talk for a few minutes about some things that I would like to learn more about?I'm just looking to learn more about what has been happening for you recently and I'm not trying to make you do anything.I know you said you quit your job because you didn't like it. Could you tell me more about what you liked and what you didn't like?Do you see yourself doing the same kind of job in the future?What is it that makes you happy or what is it that you look forward to doing?Can you think of anything that I can do to be of support to you?If he is interested, you may be able to connect him with an area community college to learn more about possible job opportunities.With the way that I wrote the questions above, it probably sounds like it's relatively easy. In reality, it may not be an easy conversation and your son may choose not to discuss it with you. If that's the case, I'd remind yourself that you are trying to do everything you can.", "It may be helpful to first have a discussion about what you are expecting and put a timeframe on it that if she is not doing certain things by a certain date, she will have to leave. If you don't know where she can go, there is probably a list of shelters for the county that you live in.", "Well, my first question was whether these are truly little things or things you really think the attention.If they're really small things that you actually want to let go, try looking at it on a continuum  of things that really get attention (or correction) and things that really don't – and everywhere in between. Looking at this on a scale 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 may be helpful.Another thing to do is consider trying to look at the world through their eyes. You may have a better way of explaining things so that they learn from the correction that you try to give them rather than repeating yourself.Also recall that parenting working always have what they're looking for (permissive) is not usually helpful, just as the middle ground (authoritative) is better than very strict (authoritarian), according to most research.You could also consider coming up with some affirming phrases for yourself, such as \"it's okay for this to happen\" or \"I know they're not always going to get it right\" or \"I know that I can't always make them change overnight.\"This can be a really tricky balance to find and I recommend seeing a local mental health professional if increased awareness of different levels is not helpful to you.", "This can be really anxiety-producing when you have not felt it before. It may be helpful to work through some of this with a local therapist so you can get more specific ideas.Some other things that come to my mind are maybe talking about spending about 10 minutes or so discussing how you are feeling and seeing if your partner is willing to listen. Then you could ask questions about how she would react if you were doing something she did not like. This allows you to react to information she is actually giving you rather than your perceptions that sound like they are different than what she is trying to tell you. This gives you the power to receive the messages that she is sending to you.I would also wonder where you have learned that there wasn't much good out there for you and how you can stay present in the moment when you are with your girlfriend and see that she wants to be there with you. Perhaps you could look at what makes you feel emotionally safe and trusting with her and focus on that. You could even remind yourself \"okay, I'm here with [name of girlfriend] and this is okay when I'm with her.\"We all have different levels of defenses in situations in which different people. It's common for people to see these things as black and white (either totally open or very self-protective. In reality, it's much more like a rainbow and the different shades of color that are available in the rainbow spectrum of white light (it's not really Just red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet that we all know, but an infinite spectrum of shades of colors that fade from one into the next). You can change your level of defensiveness with your girlfriend depending upon the location you are in, the mood you are both in, the subject, etc. There are infinite numbers of choices and you can experiment.Another thing that could help is to communicate about communication. If one of you uses a phrase that triggers something from earlier in your life or is really uncomfortable, you could discuss that. If she says certain things that make you feel really comfortable, you could discuss that as well.Hopefully you can learn more about yourselves and each other at the same time.", "First of all, congratulations to you on becoming a Water Safety Instructor.As far as how to forgive yourself, this is probably one of the toughest things that we ask of ourselves, no matter the subject. On the other hand, it sounds like the location of the mistake means that after you get through the class, you won't see the same people much longer, so hopefully the embarrassment will be temporary.As far as the class, maybe you can give yourself compassion for the idea that we all make mistakes and it certainly sounds like it wasn't intentional. I think we have all had a swimsuit shift in unwanted direction.Trying to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen again would probably be helpful, but it sounds like you are already doing that. Something else you could do is think of something you can say to yourself when someone says something embarrassing about that occurrence, such as \"it was an accident and I have fixed it now.\"You may find some helpful tips here http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-past-mistakes-6-steps-forgiving/ or here http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-you-forgive-yourself/ . These are not meant to be resources related to religion, but it is mentioned in a few places.", "I'm not really sure what \"not good enough\" means. If multiple people have told you that, one thing to consider is that they each had their own reasons for not wanting a child at that moment. It is possible that it had nothing to do with you.Did any of these significant others say anything about what made them feel that way? I hope that you were able to talk about these ideas rather than them telling you what they thought and then not further discussing it.What qualities do you want to see in the partner that you want to have a baby with? What attributes do you have to give back to that relationship?", "I recognize that you say you are missing being with the love of your life. At the same time, I don't understand whether you are able to see your son. I'm curious as to the relationship dynamic between you and your son's mother.When you say that she \"never looked back,\" I imagine you are conveying that getting back together is not something that she is interested in.I would suggest that you talk with a therapist and your local area so that you have the ability to discuss the loss of this person who you love so much. Most people think of grief related to the loss of someone who has died, But it also applies to people who have a significant loss, whether that is a relationship, a job, or any number of other things.In the meantime, try finding something about yourself that you value and can focus on.", "It sounds like you were in a tough spot here.I'm not able to tell you whether or not you made a mistake because the decision is yours. I am wondering what led you to ask whether you made a mistake and whether you wish you were still in the relationship with this guy. If so, is it an option to talk about this with him?If you decide to get back together, consider having some conversations about what your concerns are and taking about five minutes or so to listen to this guy's thoughts, feelings, etc. Then see if you can repeat the essence of what he said to make sure you have it right. Then maybe you can ask some questions that you have and see if he is willing to listen. When each of you is in the role of asking questions, try to ask them as if you are an investigative reporter trying to learn more about each other's experience.If you are looking for information on coping with breaking up and you don't want to get back together or that's not an option, consider looking at how you define yourself and what is most important to you at this moment. I hear you saying you've done a lot of things to make him happy. I'm wondering what is making you happy. Hopefully you have friends or family that you can trust and talk to. Even if you don't talk about your relationship with all of them, I hope you have some people around whom you can be emotionally safe and comfortable.", "It sounds like this is quite difficult.It sounds as if sometimes your spouse want you to be a part of his life (which could be a part of where the jealousy comes from) and sometimes he doesn't. Talking about this would likely be a delicate conversation and from what you mention he has been diagnosed with, I'm wondering if he has a therapist. If so, do you know whether he would allow you to come to one session so you can learn more about how he feels? Maybe he would be to use more of it because in the contained environment of an therapy office. This way at least you would know where he's coming from. You could also ask whether he is able to hear what you want, wish for, or desire between the two of you.Remember, just because you hear or follow what he is saying does not imply that you agree with him, although that concept in itself could be a subject of discussion because not everyone is aware of it.I hope that you are able to hold onto who you are and what you want throughout this.", "Here are some things I'm wondering:Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?What kind of relationship you want to be in?What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.", "Unfortunately, I can't tell you what your sister was feeling or why she reacted that way.I can say that divorces can be difficult or confusing for everyone involved. While the divorce is most impactful for the couple going through it, the divorce itself also changes extended family dynamics. Also, a lot of people don't act the same way around extended family (or other people) as they do at home behind closed doors, so there are times when divorce is a real shock to everyone who was not directly involved in it.I wonder if you are at a place where you can shift your focus into looking at your relationship with your sister, how she is treating you, how you feel around her now, etc. I do not know how close you were before all of this and how close you feel now, but perhaps if you can assess your overall relationship, you could find a time when you could ask about this (why she didn't convey that to him from the beginning) in a way that is calm, not defensive, and is honestly looking for an answer from your sister, not looking to defend yourself at that moment. If that conversation can happen, it may be quite a difficult one, so it may be good to have something to think of to remind yourself that you are trying to gather information from her and him that conversation, it's not about you, but is about where she was coming from. After you think you understand that (I'm saying that you understand where she's coming from, not that you agree with what she's saying), you could see if she's willing to listen to how you feel about it.", "It sounds as if your ex-girlfriend is trying to figure out what type of relationship she is looking to have with you. There are lots of levels of relationships, from a basic acquaintance, to a more friendly acquaintance, to a friend, close friend, best friend, early romantic partner, committed romantic partner, and many more.If she is willing to have a conversation with you about her feelings, it may be helpful to have her explain her feelings to you while listening as an investigative reporter and asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but are what are called open-ended questions, which ask her to provide more information. During this process, it would be helpful for you to try to think of it as not being personal, but just listening and trying to understand the experience from her perspective. After you have done this for five minutes (it's a rough estimate, but basically until you can restate what she is saying and she says you have it right), you can switch so she is asking you questions about how you are feeling. The goal is not necessarily to change the outcome, but to learn more about yourselves and each other.Then you may have an idea of where you stand in each other's eyes.", "There is a grieving process after losing a relationship (or any other major loss, such as a job, a house, etc.). One of the things to consider is give yourself a chance to go through the tasks of mourning:To accept the reality of the lossTo process the pain of griefTo adjust to a world without the person who has just leftTo find an enduring connection with that person in the midst of embarking on a new life. This could mean a lot of things, but it could be holding certain memories as your own.You may also find things that make you feel happy or comfortable. It's also helpful to have people who you can talk to about your feelings and people who may be able to recognize things about you that you cannot see right now (such as how you are honest, committed to your work, a good listener, etc.).This takes some time. Try to be gentle with yourself.", "I'm not sure whether you're asking for help to cope with the relationship between you or feelings that you are having.This may be a good time to talk about what kind of relationship you want to have (whether friends, just people who are sharing a living space, etc.) and what boundaries you both have as far as personal space, belongings, conversation, etc. There are a lot of different pieces to consider and it may be helpful to take a day or two to consider the ways in which you typically interact and make a list of the things that you would like to discuss.When you are discussing whatever relationship you are going to have now, consider taking the time to listen to how each of you feel and think about different things that are most important to you. Hearing the other person's point of view does not mean that you have to agree, but just the you can see where they're coming from.If you are asking how better to cope with your own feelings, there can be a lot of different emotional reactions to a breakup. It is certainly expected that you could have lots of feelings related to sadness, nervousness, anger, and many other things. Having these emotions is okay. If you find that it is difficult to eat or sleep (beyond a few days) or its difficult for you to follow through with other daily activities, you may consider talking with a local therapist. It can be helpful to have someone there to discuss thoughts and feelings that you have and be there to help you consider your next steps. Try to be patient with yourself as you work through this.", "There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does \"real\" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process.", "One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.", "Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification", "One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.", "I'm glad you have some time when you're not thinking about your trauma when you're with your friends.As far as feeling scared when you are alone, I'm not sure if you are referring to having flashbacks or thoughts on what happened to you or reminders in the environment around you or something else.One thing that might help is to find a bead or a rock that is smooth that you can hold onto or rub against your hand or fingers. Think of a time when you felt safe, comfortable, happy – basically a positive and safe moment – while holding onto the rock. Then, when you have scary thoughts, you can hold on to the rock and remember the happier place. Try to associate as many happy and safe moments with the rock as you can.", "I'm not sure that I have the answer to your question, but I can tell you that it would be helpful to talk with a certified hypnotist. There are a list of them here: http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page548.htm. You also may want to talk to someone who specializes in EMDR. This stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and it is a specific trauma treatment. I am not trained in this particular method, but my understanding is that it does not require a lot of knowledge of the origin of the trauma before being started.", "One thing you could try is to talk to your partner when she's not angry about the following:If she's angry, maybe she can talk with you about what she is angry about rather than calling you names.If she gets angry and then calms down a little while later, maybe one of you can take a timeout in the discussion and set a time when you will come back to it.Discuss what it is that you find acceptable for you to do during an argumentDiscuss what it is that you find unacceptable for you to do during an argumentDiscuss what is acceptable for her to do during an argumentDiscuss what is on acceptable for her to do during an argumentYour partner can answer the same questions related to herself and you.I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have this discussion when there is not an argument going on. Perhaps you could mention that you would like to talk about something that is really important and see if the current time is a good time. If not, consider when in the next 24 to 48 hours would be a good time.It may also be helpful to discuss these ideas with a local therapist. The therapist may also be able to help both of you figure out where the anger is coming from and where she has learned to react this way.If it is abuse, it may be even more difficult to have these important discussions. It may be helpful for you to see a local therapist by yourself to assess things like physical and emotional safety.", "Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are angry and you can talk about your feelings, that would be very helpful. Anger usually comes along with something else, like feeling sad, worried, overwhelmed, confused, and many others. Consider looking at what you notice in addition to anger and you may have a different starting point. If you get along well with friends and don't get angry with them, look at the differences. Do you feel criticized by your parents or family? Misunderstood? There could be any number of things.I wonder if you start getting angry very slowly and it builds or if it happens quickly. Try to keep an eye on the patterns and see if you can stop and look at what else is going on as you start to get angry. Anger is a real emotion in itself. It almost always connects to something else as well.", "Anger often comes with a lot of other emotions. Consider what else you may be feeling at the same time and keep track of your different mood changes. You may be able to notice patterns, such as being more frustrated when you don't sleep well. If you do feel as though you are mad all the time, can you think of any exceptions so you can see what is different in those times?", "I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition, but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician? I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience, there are different stages of sleep, so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream, you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts, but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start.", "Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.Regarding whether you should \"just move on,\" I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.", "Thanks for asking this question. I think the most important part of what you mentioned was that you do it because it makes you happy. For that reason, I would encourage you to keep doing what makes you happy.As far as telling girls or keeping it a secret, I don't really think that it's necessarily one or the other, at least not the first time that you meet. In other words, one part of your decision-making could be whether it is something that you always want to address in the first date, or perhaps something that you address after you've known each other for a couple of meetings. The answer to that question may also change depending on who you are dating. I would imagine that each person that you are with mainly due to a different decision this was when to disclose this. It sounds like this is an important part of you, so I would think that if you were going to date someone long-term, you would want them to know about the most important parts of you, including that.I also encourage you to remember that if you meet someone who is not comfortable with this, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but rather something that the other person is in some way deciding not to continue learning about or choosing to have someone they are dating like to cross-dress.I'd also ask you to consider this: Are the people who you say this to expecting it? My guess is that the answer is probably not. Along with that, Are they going to have questions? I would imagine so.Are you comfortable answering questions?I wonder if you could figure out yourself or with friends (or perhaps even with a therapist) how you would answer these sorts of questions:What exactly is cross-dressing?Does that change the gender that you're attracted to?What does it mean to you?Why is it important to you?And what you want your listening person to know about you related to cross-dressing.There could even be ways that you can start the conversation by asking them to be open to listen to you and ask questions about what they are thinking before they make any quick decisions about you or the relationship.I certainly hope that you find the right person for you. I imagine that having this conversation could be stressful, especially considering the idea that you have had some negative reactions in the past. Remember that talking this through with a therapist could be very helpful.", "This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like \"I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?\"When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word \"why.\" That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with \"what makes\" Instead. For example, \"what made you choose not to do that?\"", "I can think of several things that may help you to reconnect. I don't know how much time you actually spend together, but one thing you could try is to spend 15 minutes a week together talking about common interests or other things that make you feel connected.Have you considered a date night or anything (doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but could make each of you feel special)?Something else you could try is to consider talking to each other in a way where you summarize what you are hearing and reflect back to make sure that you got it right rather than just assuming so. Communicating this way can feel awkward at times, but it could reconnect how you are listening and deeply connecting with your partner. Also, you may discover that you are on two different pages about things on which you thought you understood what each other felt, wanted, or desired.Consider what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special. Can you name a few things and get them right according to your partner when you check in? Can he do the same for you?You could also try doing two things every day that would be appreciated by your partner without either of you having to ask for it. There is some more information here, although what you do for one another does not necessarily need to be on this list: http://www.couplesinstitute.com/tracking-success-by-doing-the-daily-double/Reconnecting is a bit of a process. Try to praise yourself and your partner for attempts that you make and recognize that you're not going to get it right 100% of the time. You may also find this book to be helpful (or there are other similar ones by the same author): https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471479801&sr=8-1&keywords=Love+languagesIf this still seems difficult, consider seeing a local mental health professional. As one more thought, recall that this relationship involves both of you. If you are both committing to change your level of connection, change will likely not be a steady uphill climb (there could be plateaus or even some dips back in a negative direction) and each of you may change at a different rate.Best wishes in your quest for connection!", "There are a lot of different things that could be playing a role here.First, different people have unique levels of sex drive, and sometimes there is a hormonal imbalance.Because you say both that there is a possibility that neither one of you \"actually knows what you're doing,\" and you want to be better connected with your husband, consider having some time where you sit together and touch each other in nonsexual ways and communicate about what you like and don't like. One person would be doing the touching and the other would be communicating. Then the rules would switch. After you both become comfortable with that, you could try the same thing with touching that is sexual in nature.Dr. Tammy Nelson is a therapist who specializes in relationships and sexual issues and she has several books and lots of other resources on her website: https://www.drtammynelson.com/There are actually therapists who specialize in sex therapy and if you are interested in that, you would want a therapist who is a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist). This does not mean that they only specialize in sexual addiction, but they do have special training in discussing sexual elements of relationships and their training is quite extensive.In addition to connecting sexually, you may consider discussing with your husband whether each of you are aware of things that make you feel valued, special, loved, and appreciated. It may be that making positive changes related to your sex life would also improve your relationship, and vice versa.", "If you are saying that he will not have sex with you, but the rest of your relationship is as you would like it to be, perhaps you can have a discussion about it. There could be a difference in preferences. Perhaps you could give each other feedback regarding what you like and what you don't like.If there are other concerns in your relationship, such as possibly needing to communicate better or trust each other more, these concerns could be showing up related to your question about sex.", "Sexual attraction is often discussed on a continuum. If you are saying that you are not attracted to your girlfriend, you could try changing what you do during sexual intimacy. You could also try slowly using nonsexual touch and discussing what you each like and would prefer to do more of compared to what is not as desirable. After doing this for nonsexual touching, it can also be used with sexual touching. Looking at more of what you like or would like to feel may be of help.", "It may be helpful to have this emotionally impactful conversation in the context of couples therapy.Whether or not you should get a divorce is not the first question that comes to mind for me, but more along the lines of do you want to be together and what kind of relationship do you want to create?For some people, polyamorous relationships (those involving more than two people) are acceptable. This does not work for everyone, but if each of you agree that that is okay, it may work for you and your husband. If it is something that you are both open to, it is often beneficial to have more than one discussion about the details of what is acceptable for each of you.If you want to be devoted only to each other, what does that lifestyle look like for each of you? What can you start or stop doing right now to move your relationship in that direction?Neither of you can make the other partner change. That does not mean you cannot talk about what each of your goals are together and support each other in working toward those goals you have for yourselves.Sometime having discussions like these is easier when there is a structure and/or someone in the room (like a therapist) who can help keep the conversation on topic and work on having each of you communicate in a way that expresses your wants, wishes, and desires in a way that is not blaming of your partner.If either of you wants a divorce, that could be part of the discussion. Divorce is not the only choice here, depending upon what each of you wants and is willing to accept, learn, and grow from as it relates to yourself and your partner.", "Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.", "I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?", "I wonder if you could have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. A few things may help with that:Try having the conversation you are both able to have a conversation about something that is important (for example, not during a commercial for a TV show)Maybe your boyfriend will be willing to listen to you for about five minutes asking questions to learn more about your experience, kind of like an investigative reporter wouldSee if your boyfriend is able to capture the essence of what you're saying by summarizing it for youRemember that hearing you and following what you're saying does not mean that he agreesAlso consider if there are events in your past that are affecting the way you are looking at this relationship between your boyfriend and this other girl (we all bring our own histories into relationships and we unconsciously expect that what has worked in other relationships will work in current ones)Then you can switch so that you can hear more about what he is experiencing (for example, what it is that he likes about her)Also consider having a discussion that if one of you becomes very emotional and needs a break from the discussion, discuss having a timeout that will last for a certain time frame (usually between 15 minutes and one hour) and then come back to continue the discussionRemember that the goal here is just to learn more about what each of you is going through, not to find a solution right awayThis can be difficult. Consider working with a couples therapist to discuss it together.", "I don't know if you have any details regarding what makes him say he is not ready for marriage.It may also be helpful to look at what is making marriage so important to you right now.Maybe this is something around which you could have a conversation where you each listen to each other for about five minutes and try to ask questions about what the other person is experiencing to gain more clarity about what is happening. This particular type of conversation wouldn't be about reaching a certain solution, but just understanding more about yourselves and each other. I also recommend prefacing that conversation with asking if the person is open to having a discussion that is important at that time.If this proves to be a difficult discussion, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. Even if only one of you goes to see a counselor, you may have some clarification.In the meantime, try to look at what you have that makes you feel valued, special, and loved. Perhaps you can look at the things that make your boyfriend feel that way as well.", "If you are happy with the person that you are about to be married to and are also enjoying time with other men, it could be possible that you are attracted to people of more than one gender.Having said that, some people have feelings toward people of more than one gender that are not really related to romance or attraction, but any number of other feelings, such as trust and communication. I don't know whether your use of the phrase \"messing around\" was related specifically to being romantically or sexually involved with the people who you are or referring to or if you are saying that you are enjoying spending time with them. These terms have different definitions for almost everyone.I would definitely recommend speaking with a local mental health practitioner in your area, not because there is anything wrong about the way you are feeling, but because there are a lot of different parts of what is happening in your life right now and it may be helpful to talk about the feelings and thoughts with someone who can help you to learn more about yourself and the people are most important in your life (yourself included).I also suggest looking at a few things that you love and appreciate about yourself.", "To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.", "This has to be very difficult to endure.It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like \"I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours.\"My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.", "I would suggest possibly talking about the type of relationship that both of you want to create. For example, you may want a relationship where honesty, listening, compassion, and romanticism are major parts. You could also see what your boyfriend wants.You may also consider taking five minutes to see if he will listen to your feelings about him being on the dating site and whether he can work to learn more about what you are experiencing with asking open-ended questions (not being answered with yes or no) and restating what you are saying to see if he has it right. After that, perhaps you could switch so that you can listen to his perspective for five minutes and learn more about what he is doing by asking open-ended questions.Remember that it takes two people to have  a relationship, so the choice is yours as to whether you choose to stay in the relationship and what kind of relationship you would like to have.", "This has to be very confusing.I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.", "Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it,  consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.", "One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment. I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.", "A few things come to mind. I wonder if your fiancé is still angry about it or if he was angry in that moment and has now worked through it.It sounds like there was also a difference in expectations here. You were just  paying the bill with the money he was giving to you and he may have assumed you were reading it. You thought that you were following his directions. It could be that you could have a discussion about it, but that depends on how much of a hot button issue it still is for either of you.If you're going to talk about it, I might suggest asking whether this would be a good time to have a discussion about what happened with the automobile insurance so that you can both use the opportunity to learn more about yourselves and each other around this particular issue.", "I wonder if both you and your boyfriend could have a conversation about what you both want, wish for, and desire from one another right now. That doesn't necessarily mean that your partner will give everything that you ask for, but this is one of the ways that he can learn more about what would help you through this and you can learn how you could support him, since traditional medical treatment is not something he wants.You may also consider using some open-ended questions (not yes or no answers) to talk about what you're feeling about both about his cancer and about your relationship. Both of you may discuss different ways that you would like support from one another.I would also see if he was comfortable with you disclosing this to one or a few of your close friends (with him considering doing the same) so that you both have support that includes each other and also includes others because there may be days when you both have a negatively emotional day at the same time and would benefit from talking with someone else.It may also be a matter of conversation to discuss what makes you happy together and use those positive moments to help move through more difficult ones.", "It may be important to look at this as getting through something rather than \"getting over it.\" If you're aware of the reasons why you are jealous, I don't know if they relate to this relationship or a previous one, but you could remind yourself of the differences if your feelings of jealousy relate to something from your past.Also, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your child's father if you are both open to having a discussion about this in a way that you summarize what each other is saying so you are sure that you are understanding each other, at least to some degree.Also, consider what you may want from your child's father to assist you with this. You cannot make him do anything to support you with this, but you can certainly ask.What is something you could start or stop doing to move you toward your goal?", "My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.", "Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it – to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.", "I wonder if you are having some of these thoughts related to something that has neither happened directly to you in your past or to someone that you care about. This can often change the way that we look at different situations. Try to look at what feelings, for you when you notice that someone is \"checking her out,\" and perhaps when you have felt these feelings before.If you trust your girl enough to have an open conversation, perhaps you could ask her whether she is willing to talk about something that is important to you. Then you could talk about feelings that you're having.", "First, I'm very sorry that this has happened.With just the information that you mentioned, I'm not sure whether you mean that you lost your baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, very young after being born, or several years into your child's life. While the process of working through your loss would certainly have similar components no matter how old your baby was, there are some differences as well.In general, I would suggest that you find more than one person in your life who you can trust to talk with about your feelings. If you have no one or would prefer to talk to someone who was not as close to you in that sense, consider speaking with a mental health professional.There is quite a process to grieving and it certainly takes time. It's different for everyone and the timetable is different for everyone.Here's a link to some information about some tasks of grieving. This is very general information and it would likely be helpful to work through it with someone: http://therapychanges.com/blog/2015/05/review-wordens-four-tasks-of-grieving/I don't know how long ago you lost your baby, but it may also be helpful to look at what remains that you do have control over. For example, I imagine that you choose what you want to eat, how you want to dress, whether or not to go to school or work, etc. While I'm sure your routine is quite different than it was before your loss, consider establishing a basic routine for daily activities.Also, depending upon the age of your child, you could probably find a local support group.Having pain after losing your baby is quite typical and is a reflection of how important your baby was, and still is, to you. If you feel as though you are going through this alone or without the type of support that you want (it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone), consider finding some effective support as an important beginning step. Reaching out here is certainly the beginning of that.", "Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups: http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1 Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.", "I'm sorry to hear that your brother has been having such a rough time. He's lucky to have you on his side (although he may not always see it that way).As far as whether you can sign him in, that depends on a lot of different things.I would suggest that you Google the state and county that you live in as well as some phrase similar to \"crisis hotline.\" They can tell you how it works in that county. My guess is that you could sign him in as long as he met the criteria for admission at that moment, but I can't  be entirely sure. You could also ask the person on the phone about financial responsibility. I have not heard of that being a problem, but I guess it would depend on insurance.If you have trouble finding a local  hotline, consider calling the national crisis number (800-273-8255) and ask them to help you find someone local.", "Quitting smoking can be difficult. It's also true that there is part that is sometimes a physical need and a part that is often connected to emotions in some way. From the way that you wrote this, it sounds like you may have been able to stop smoking physically, but still have cravings.One thing you can do is talk with your primary care physician or OB/GYN about whether there is anything that you can take to help with the cravings. Sometimes that can very helpful.As far as the more emotional or mental piece, these things come to mind:Sometimes a crucial part is looking at the habit of smoking and seeing what else you can do to keep your mind and hands busy. There are sometimes toys, like those available at Office Playground, that may help to keep you physically occupied.There can also be changes or additions to your routine because I imagine that smoking took up a great deal of your time. Maybe when you have the temptation to get up and go to have a cigarette, you could have several other things that you can get up and do instead. The list is endless, but a few examples could be doing some physical exercise (with the permission of your doctor) just for a couple minutes because that could help with the craving as well, completing a puzzle, learning a new activity that requires using your hands (painting or knitting, perhaps).Another piece of quitting smoking is often linked to anxiety or other emotional changes, perhaps irritability. Depending on what it is that you may be feeling,  learning other strategies to use can be helpful as well.This can all be quite overwhelming and a very big life change. I would recommend that if things do not become easier for you, consider talking with a therapist. Then you could not only have some more strategies or ideas directly related to you, but you could have very direct support for what you are trying to do.I give you a lot of credit!", "Basically, being an alcoholic means that someone really depends upon alcohol and does not function well or becomes sick if they do not have it.There is also this acronym that may help:Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?There is an online assessment from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test There is other information on this site as well.", "They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.Maybe you could talk about your concerns with your significant other and discuss different ways you may be able to discuss your relationship that fit with how each of you defines your love for one another.Because you are saying openly that you are gay, and it sounds like you already identify yourself as gay, as compared to considering being transgender \"soon,\" it may be worth considering disclosing the fact that you are gay now and disclosing the idea that you are transgender after you have worked through that yourself. I would like for you to be able to be true to yourself and show the real you. It could also be that you already know that you are transgender, but with the way that you  phrased it here, I'm not certain.Here is a link to a hotline that you may want to consider using. The Trevor Project is about helping teenagers who identify as LGBTQ: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/Here is another national site where you may be able to find a local chapter: https://www.pflag.org/I don't know what you mean when you said that your family will not accept you, but since you are concerned about your family's reaction, I would suggest that it may be helpful to have a therapist or some other support in place before telling your family. The decision of whether or not to wait longer to tell them is ultimately yours, but I wonder if you have a likelihood of explaining what you are experiencing in a way that would be truer to you and also perhaps easier for your family to follow if you had time to process it with supportive people first.Please remember that you are not alone in this. There are people in the world who can and will accept you for who you are.", "I imagine this is very difficult and confusing for you.It sounds like there are things for which you are proud of yourself, which is really good. I hope there are also other people in your life that are currently able to recognize the good things that you're doing.If you think your mom would be willing to go to see a local mental health professional with you, that may be a good place to have some discussions about the relationship that the two of you have. The reason I'm suggesting that it may be easier to have the conversations there is because sometimes the mental health professional can point out parts of conflict that are not easy for the people who are involved to actually see by themselves.If you want to try to talk with you mom to see how she is feeling, maybe she would be willing to discuss it with you. If you're going to have a conversation like that, I would suggest you try these things:Ask her if this would be a good time to have an important conversation. If she says no, consider asking her when would be a better time.Try to have the conversation with the goal of taking about five minutes to learn more about where she is coming from on this. If you can ask questions to learn more about that, you may be able to know more about what she is thinking and feeling.This doesn't mean that you have to agree with her, but just that you are able to hear where she is coming from.Try to ask questions that start with the words who, what, how, where, when. Questions that start with the word \"why\" can be difficult to answer and can lead to a lot of extra emotion.Try to summarize what she is saying to see if you have it right.If you want your mom to know how you feel, after you can listen to what she is saying and see if she is willing to listen to what you would like to say.If you're going to tell your mom about how you feel, consider having some points written down ahead of time so you can explain yourself the way that you want to.It will probably be really hard to listen to her without being defensive right away. I know I would be wanting to jump right into the conversation. Remember that jumping in right away will probably make it more difficult to learn where your mom is coming from.Also, if she says she doesn't want to have a conversation, remember that she has that choice.If your mom does not want to go to see a counselor with you, remember that you could go on your own. Depending on your state and exactly how old you are, you may need your parent's permission to be in treatment, but not always. If you need help to figure that out, try contacting a couple of local mental health agencies to see if they can help you figure out what to do if you want to talk to someone.", "This sounds stressful.You mentioned that you want to learn how to avoid them. I'm not sure whether you want to avoid them overall or if you would like to ask your mom to maybe only talk to you about it for a few minutes about your niece in each conversation that you have.Maybe you can connect your mom with some support. It sounds as if she has lost part of herself and/or is very stressed out and in talking with you about it because she trusts you enough for you to be someone she can speak openly, you are becoming stressed because of things that you cannot directly change. This is the presumptive based on the amount of information that you posted, but it sounds like there is a bit of a circle of stress here.I also wonder who you could talk with when you are stressed.It may be helpful to see a local mental health professional to help redefine some boundaries so you can have the type of relationship with your mother that you want without necessarily feeling stressed out by it every day.", "That has to be incredibly difficult because you were very vulnerable and open about what you were feeling and I imagine the response was very hurtful.Here are a couple of things to do right now:Practice giving yourself some love. Bring your awareness to the room around you and some of the positive energy within you. As you become a bit centered, you're likely to be able to work through your emotions more easily.Surround yourself with people who do accept you. I'm hoping that you have friends or acquaintances who accept you as you are.You can also find some support here through this organization that often have events related to offering support: https://www.pflag.org/needsupport. I have not spoken with this organization directly, but they are often discussed in therapeutic trainings as a reputable organization.Related more specifically to your family, that change may take some time. There is often a large adjustment in families because of the huge variations in reactions and what each person thinks, feels, and believes.Consider talking with a local therapist about how to communicate more effectively with your family, as there are a lot of variables there, so it is difficult to give you specific ideas in this format.Remember, there are lots of people who accept you as you are right now.", "I don't know how old you are, but depending on that, you may be able to talk with them about spending some time in both places. Even parents who live in different states can do that sometimes. It's not as frequent as spending one week at one house and the next week and the other, but I know that it happens.If you can talk with both of your parents about how you would like to live in both places, maybe you can all work out some kind of agreement.", "I admire your courage.If you are concerned about telling your dad regarding your gender identity, I would suggest a couple of things. There are a lot of groups or other supports for people who are working through some of the same changes that you may be going through now. I don't mean to convey that everyone thinks, feels, or acts the same by any means, but rather that it may be helpful to talk to others who have had some similar experiences.I was trying to include some links for you, but that particular button isn't functioning window. If you search for \"transgender support\" on Google, you'll find GLAAD and PFLAG, both of which are national organizations. This does not mean that you have to identify as \"transgender,\" but researching that term may help you to find both national and local resources.As far as telling your dad, if that is particularly concerning for you, I suggest either talking through the details with a local therapist or considering if you have a trusted friend or family member (one who will respect your privacy with regard to who you would like to know about what you are experiencing at this time) so that you can talk with some people to have support. This may help with two things: allowing you to find some support for yourself as you work through the changes that you are going through now and also possibly talking with someone who knows your dad and may be able to talk with you regarding how or when to tell him.One thing that I tell anyone who wants to discuss something that is very important to them is to ask the person they want to talk to whether this is a good time for an important conversation. That way, you have greater chances of having the person's attention and/or not needing to end the conversation quickly. Also, please remember that you know yourself best, as each of us does.", "This is tricky and quite delicate.I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to dateThat you are talking to him about this because you care about himThat your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about himAlso try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisionsI would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with thatI cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.", "First of all, I'm glad that you posted here and I'm glad that you recognize the importance of schooling.Where does your family get the idea that you are not putting in the effort? While people can interpret \"effort\" differently, with talking about schoolwork, I would think that your grades would show the effort that you are putting in.If you are getting good grades and you are saying that your family does not think your grades are good enough, maybe there could be a conversation where you are able to ask them what they are expecting from you (and try to listen without defending yourself for a few minutes) and then you could explain what you are doing to prepare. Maybe you could set time limits so you each have five minutes to discuss this (or less, if you think that would be better).If your grades are not as good as you would like and you are putting in the effort, I would still consider having a conversation like I mentioned above, and perhaps taking advantage of tutoring or other possibilities offered by your school.Just as a bit more information for you, I have been working with children, teenagers, and adults for more than nine years now. When someone tells me that they wish their child would do better in school, I always ask what that means. Sometimes it means that their grades are D's and F's. For other families, it means that the grades dropped below 95% and in that family, that is unacceptable. Perception makes a big difference here.If you are doing your best and accomplishing your goals, that is worth celebrating.", "It's ultimately your decision whether or not you go to see your mother. I'm not sure whether talking with her on the phone or through some videoconferencing application (such as Skype) would be something you could do in the meantime until you sort out what you want to do.Some things I wonder are:What makes the two of them not get along?What makes him feel threatened or on edge if you visit your mother without him? What does he think will happen?What is he getting out of trying to choose for you?What is he so afraid of?If you decide to talk about these things with your boyfriend, try to do the following:Consider using questions that start with the words who, what, where, when, and not why. The word why can be really difficult for some people to answer because the word itself triggers an emotional reaction.Try to ask him if the two of you can discuss this in a way that you can just ask more questions about what he is experiencing. If you can listen without being defensive about what you think and feel, you may understand more about where you boyfriend is coming from.Remember that understanding what he means does not mean that you have to agree with what he is saying.Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are experiencing and ask questions about that as you did for him. It would be good to do this in a way similar to what an investigative reporter would do and asking questions that cannot be answered in a yes or no format and require more information.I'm sure this is putting you in a very tough place. If you would like to talk to someone more directly about the details, consider seeing a local mental health professional.", "Have you ever tried talking with her about this when she's not angry? While I hear you saying that it feels like she doesn't love you, there could be a lot of other pieces to this. Have you ever told her about how much she means to you (when she's not angry)?", "It's hard to tell from the way you described it. Do you think he would be open to an honest discussion? It could be that his comments about your outfit are designed to make you feel good or to help them show how much he cares about you as his stepdaughter. As far as scanning you from head to toe, I can think of reasons that parents might do that. I also think that talking about it is probably very important so you really know what his intentions are. That way, it removes the guesswork and you have the opportunity to know what he is thinking and feeling and he can also know what your reactions are.", "You could be protective because of things that happened in your past or in the past of the people that you are protecting. A lot of us have natural instincts that we do not want other people to be in pain. For other people, conflict is just hard to watch and/or listen to.As for having a tough time trusting them, that could also relate to past events between you and these other people or it could relate to the conflict that you mentioned. It can be difficult to trust someone deeply when you don't know when the next big fight or argument is going to start.The next time you step in for someone, consider asking yourself what is making you do that? What are you feeling in the moment?", "It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?From whom do you have support during all of this?", "Thanks for writing. There are many different house of things that may be helpful here. I can give you some general ideas, but if some of these things don't get you to where you would like to go, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples:Remember that you can only guarantee change in yourself. You can ask him to make changes, but you can't control whether he does or not. You can control your reactions and what you do about your own thoughts, feelings, and actions in the relationship.If you're going to talk about something important or you really want him to listen, first ask whether this is a good time.Try to talk to him without blaming, finger-pointing, or asking him to change (this can be difficult, but it also opens a lot of doors for effective discussions).Be mindful of your packaging. By that, I mean that you may have a very important message that you're trying to get across. If you able to say it in a way that is clear and wrapped in such a way that he can hear what you're actually saying, that is helpful. If you are talking in ways that are angry, or as I sometimes say, wrapped in spikes, that can be difficult to hear and receive. Rather than hearing what you're actually trying to get across, he may just hear the fact that you are angry.If your husband is able to listen to you and/or restate what you are saying and get it right or close to right, let him know what that feels like to you and how important it is.If you're asking questions, try to avoid \"why\" question and use \"what makes, how, when, where, who\" instead. Questions starting with \"why\" can not only be difficult to answer, but can also trigger a lot of emotions that some people are not ready to deal with right away.Also, keep in mind that listening and being able to reflect what you are saying does not imply agreement. This may be something that would be good to discuss with your husband – just because he is hearing what you're saying doesn't mean that he's agreeing with you.Lastly, but importantly, some people really don't know how to listen effectively. There are people who just are not taught to do that until much later in their lives. Sometimes listening to someone can actually be very vulnerability-producing. It may be helpful to ask your husband if he knows what makes him struggle with being able to listen if you notice that he's really struggling.", "It sounds like you may be asking two different questions.With regard to what you said about your husband dressing as a female in your bedroom, I wonder if you would consider asking him more about this. If you choose to do that, I would suggest that you ask him whether a certain time is a good time to have a conversation and asking questions for five minutes or more that are related to you learning more about his experience. This can be difficult to do at times, particularly when you may want to offer your own opinions or become very anxious or of type. Consider thinking of a phrase that may help you to stay calm during the discussion. It may be helpful to think of yourself as asking questions as if you were an investigative reporter and using questions that start with words like \"what, how, who, where, when.\" Questions that start with \"why,\" can be very difficult to answer for some people and can be overwhelming because it often links to answers involving emotions that may or may not be understood. Also try restating what your husband is saying to make sure that you are understanding correctly. If what he is telling you is different than what you have heard or thought of for many years, it may be challenging to follow his meaning initially. Remember that listening to your husband does not imply agreement with what he is saying, just that you are following and looking to understand what he is experiencing. I also recommend sticking to one topic for the conversation, but this could be done with many different topics over time.You could also see if he would be willing to have a discussion where he listens like an investigative reporter to learn more about the experience that you are having.As far as what you mentioned about the sexual experience, maybe if you can discuss what it is that you don't like and/or understand what it is that he does like, you could see if there is some middle ground here. It depends on what you both prefer.These types of conversations can be difficult to have for some couples, at least initially. Having structured conversations, such as the ones I've described briefly above, can feel awkward initially, but the reason it can be helpful is because it can lead to further understanding in a way that decreases the chances of having an argument.Also consider seeing a therapist in your area who specializes in couples to discuss some of these ideas.", "This is a fantastic question. In one sentence, I would say the following:Recognize that while you and your partner probably have common interests and areas of commonality, you are separate people, each with different wants, wishes, and desires – if you consider a diagram of two overlapping circles, they may share perhaps a third of the circle with overlap to indicate commonality (could be more or less) and then there are parts of the circles that are not overlapping, indicating separate interestsAs for ways that may strengthen any relationship, even the great ones, this is what came to mind. There are certainly more specific unique answers or elements for different people as far as the details, but here are some general ideas:Try to have at least 15 minutes a week where you are spending time together and not problem-solvingRealize that listening to your partner does not mean that you are agreeing with them, it just means that you are saying that you hear where they are coming fromLearn to hold on to your own wants, wishes, and desires while also recognizing those of your partnerSet boundaries for what is and isn't acceptable behavior during an argument or difficult discussionDiscuss how having important discussions can be anxiety-producing and consider having an understanding that if one of you (or both of you) feels overwhelmed, you can take a timeout for a certain amount of time. For example, you may say \"okay, I'm feeling really stressed about this right now. Let's discuss it in an hour.\" And at that time, go back to the discussionConsider what your partner's top three or four complaints about you may be. Check in with them and see how accurate you are. If you see validity in their responses, consider whether or not you may want to make changesDiscover what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or specialRelationships are always in progress and constantly changing. Some anxiety around change is typical. Being able to effectively discuss the anxiety and actually listen to one another without being defensive, name calling, finger-pointing, or asking each other to change is a true gift.You may enjoy this quote: \"Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment.\" ~Brene Brown", "I don't know how long you have been married, but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion?", "Thanks for writing in. Several things come to mind:I don't know how you are communicating, but there is a great deal of difference between communicating through videoconferencing compared to text message when discussing subjects like this. Being able to hear and/or see each other will help you to be able to gauge a lot of the emotions connected to what is going on.Are you in a place where you can ask your girlfriend questions about this crush and actually listen to her answers? If you can listen non-defensively and ask questions about what is actually going on (kind of like an investigative reporter might), you are likely to hear about her experience, thoughts, feelings, etc., so you can actually see what the crush is like for her and how you want to react to that.Then you could see if she is willing to listen to your questions and answer them for you.Another tip: Find out when is a good time to have this conversation. If you are talking to your girlfriend after she just worked a 10 hour shift and she is frustrated about that, it is likely that the emotion will transfer to the conversation that you are having even though it doesn't have anything to do with that.Find a way to keep yourself grounded and centered during the conversation. Notice your feet on the floor or your hips in the chair. Mindfully play with an object or something like a paperclip or a pen. Doing this mindfully (by being aware of your senses) will help you to not feel so overwhelmed during the conversation.After you have more details, communicate about what it is that you want or wish for. It is often easier to hear and discuss as opposed to talking about something that you need.Remember that while anger is a very real emotion, there is always something else under it. Be aware of what else could be there: hurt, disappointment, betrayal, fear, etc.", "This can be difficult and confusing.If you think your boyfriend would be open to having a discussion, try asking him for a time when he is willing to have an important discussion. When that time matches with a time that is good for you, try discussing the type of relationship that you each want to have and what you can start and stop doing to get there. He may want to be really good friends. He may also be trying to figure out what he is feeling. If you end up talking over one another, try letting one person be the one who is talking about their feelings for about five minutes and during that time, try having the other person asked questions to gain more understanding of their experience. Then you can switch. Also consider asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but lead to more explanations.Questions that start with the words how, what, when, who are usually better than questions starting with \"why\" because they can be emotional triggers for some people.If this is difficult to do between the two of you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples.", "You're right that long-distance relationships can be complicated. If he loves you and you love him, that's a great start. I wonder if you would be able or willing to have a discussion about what you love about each other and what makes each of you feel loved, valued, special, and appreciated.When having important discussions, consider the following:Make sure it is a good time to have a discussion (and if you're doing it in writing because of the distance, you could type something in the top of the message about not reading any further if the person who is reading doesn't have 10 minutes or something like that)Try to listen as though you are an investigative reporter trying to find out information about each other. Asking more questions in this manner can be a helpful way to be less defensive during difficult or emotional conversations.When having discussions face-to-face, I often recommend using timeout when things become very emotional and saying that you agree to go back to the conversation in 15 minutes or one hour or some short duration of time that allows for some of the immediate emotions to dissipate so it is easier to also talk about them. As for how that translates to distance, maybe each of you would say that you are working on figuring out how best to explain it and will answer the next time you have access to the Internet (or, if possible, use some kind of timeframe).Consider what questions you would like answers to. For example, are you wondering:What should I do if I miss you or want to talk to you more? I don't want to make you feel guilty, but I also don't want to hide my feelings. Can I share them with you?If you have days or weeks when we cannot be in contact directly, can I keep sending you messages or is that overwhelming?How will you ask for support from me?Some couples really want to protect each other. In doing so, instead of hiding our emotions, can we share them and work through them together?Whatever else comes to mind.Gary Chapman is famous for his books about the 5 Love Languages. He has one specifically for military families: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts.Here's a list of books related to loving from a distance: http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/bookstor.htmI have not read these books myself, but I have read other works by a lot of the authors.One final tip: Consider making a list of times when you work together and both feeling calm, safe, and comfortable. These memories could be helpful to you during difficult moments.Best wishes to you. Remember that you could each see therapists in your respective locations if that would be helpful to you.", "There are different types of attraction.  You said that you've never felt this sort of feeling of your heart beating faster with your current boyfriend. Depending on how long you've been together and if you're looking at different ways of making a life together and getting to know each other on a deeper level, that's a different stage in a relationship and sometimes it feels different. Some people look at it as a difference between levels of passion and compassion, but there are many different terms to try to talk about it.Perhaps with this guy that you really love, you could talk about ways to keep things new and different in the relationship. Maybe you can leave notes for each other during the day or have a small surprise at random intervals (maybe an invitation to a picnic, for example).As for the other guy who makes your heart beat faster, what do you see in him? You said you really love the other guy, which is why I'm asking.What do you look for in the person who you want to be with long-term (whoever that is)?", "There are a lot of pieces to the decision of whether to stay or leave. Can you have open conversations about your concerns? Is he able to listen to that? I'm not sure how you know for sure that he lies and cheats, but does he recognize these things as problems? Which part of you is bigger: the part of you that wants to stay or the part of you that wants to leave? Can you consider what you want, wish for, and desire while also considering the same for him? Can he do that for you?", "There are a lot of ways to look at this. It sounds as if there is a part of you that is looking for support. I wonder what it is that you feel when you're not in a relationship?Because of the way you asked the question, I'm getting the impression that you are referring to romantic relationships. I wonder if you have close friendships that could form a network to help with this when you are not romantically involved with someone. Even when you are in a relationship with a romantic partner, having friends is still an important element.I wonder if you could also notice what changes for you inside of yourself (as far as emotions) when you move from not being in a relationship to being in one.Perhaps you could take a look at what you value about yourself.In general, it is natural for people to want to be in relationships with others (in this case, relationship has many meanings and degrees). Most of us enjoy sharing elements of our days, thoughts, feelings, etc. with someone else who we trust and care about – also hoping they care about us in return.", "The first step for making this sort of change is being motivated to change and it sounds like you have that, so you are already on the right track.As far as learning how to listen, try some of these steps:Ask whether a certain time is a good time for your girlfriend to have an important conversationIf she has a subject that she would like to discuss, consider listening to her as an investigative reporter and asking questions that help you to gain more understanding of her experience. These questions usually begin with words like who, what, where, when. Questions starting with the word why can sometimes make people very uncomfortable because they may not explicitly know why they are asking for something or feeling a certain way. You can try communicating this way for just five minutes or so on until you feel as though you can restate what your girlfriend is saying and have her agree that you are recapturing the essence of what she is trying to communicateThen you can switch so she is listening to you trying to understand your experience. You could also start by talking about something that is important to you.Remember that stating that you follow or hear something that she is saying doesn't mean that you agreeAlso, try sticking to one subject at a time. It's difficult to really understand one topic if you are on to the next within just a minute or twoTry to use the word want or wish instead of need. Saying that you need something (or if your girlfriend would say that) that is not a need for safety or something like that can make whatever you are asking for sound like an obligation. That takes away from that whole motivation to change from inside the partner who is agreeing to change or try to changeSomething else to try would be using some sort of timeout. Consider this:Discuss the idea of using timeout before you actually need it and before the discussion starts. Timeout is a way to give each of you a way to calm down for five, 10, 15 minutes, or maybe even an hour. When there are a lot of emotions happening, each person gets wrapped up in protecting themselves from the emotions they are feeling and can lose track of what is actually going on in the conversation as compared to what they are perceiving.When using timeout, say to your girlfriend (or she can say to you) \"I need an hour before we can go back to this.\" Then actually come back to the discussion.Some people are very afraid to use this technique because in the past not talking about something right away meant that it never was returned to and was never resolved in any way. This is why the agreement is important before you need it.While it may be helpful to ask your girlfriend what it is she may want from you, it is you that would be in charge of deciding whether you want to make that change and putting it into practice.Try to remember that part of being in a couple is holding onto your own wants, wishes, and desires while recognizing those of your partner.As one final idea, consider spending about 15 minutes a week together where you are not problem-solving about anything, just connecting with one another.I encourage you to see a therapist who specializes in couples if you would like some more specific ideas for what is happening within each of you and between you.Best wishes!", "People often care deeply for those whom they love. I don't know how long you have been together. It is also common to want to be very closely connected to people who are important to you.It may be helpful to have a conversation about talking more or talking about how you feel when he is not there and how he feels about answering you right away. It may be helpful for both of you to listen to each other and what you are feeling and experiencing so that you can look at what may work for both of you. For example, maybe you could remind yourself that he will answer you when he is not busy or as soon as he can.Sometimes just talking about these feelings can be helpful so that you can both have open discussions about whether the amount or type of communication is too much or in a style that is not working for both of you. You could also consider leaving text messages or something that does not require an immediate response so that when he is busy, you have the ability to write a message, and he has the ability to answer when he can.I also wonder where you are getting the idea that something bad happened. I don't know whether something happen with this person in the past or perhaps at another time in your life.Some people benefit from ideas such as not going to bed angry, but this is difficult for others.I would suggest considering what makes each of you feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special.Also think about what styles of communication you both like and what is and is not okay in the context of an argument.It may be difficult to talk about what has related to him being distant and it may be helpful to talk about ways to communicate about this first (such as taking a 10 minute timeout if it becomes overwhelming).Perhaps talking with a therapist who specializes in couples would be helpful if talking about this between you is confusing or if you do not both feel heard by the other person. Remember that feeling heard does not mean that you have to agree with one another.", "Maybe you can talk with your partner about this first look at the different elements of a possible conversation in the future. If you are at a place where you are willing or able to disclose the reason that you left your ex, that could be one element of the discussion, but it doesn't have to be.I don't know how long we have been together with your current partner, but perhaps his or her parents would see you for who you are and make their own opinions over time. That may be a discussion to have with them as well.Hopefully your partner will be a good sounding board before these conversations.", "Because of the way that you say your boyfriend is only calm when he is drinking and you have concerns about flights, it would probably be most helpful for you to speak with a local therapist so you can have specific conversations about what happens during these fights.When you do \"everything right,\" are you saying that you don't argue? It sounds a bit as though you are trying to read each other's mind without being able to communicate effectively. I recommend working on this with a therapist, though (even if you end up going without your boyfriend to sessions), so that you can talk about specific strategies and what you can do when he is not calm.", "Attention is often something that is both wanted and sometimes not wanted all the time. Maybe when you're in a relationship with someone you can discuss the amount of attention that you are both comfortable with and/or what you are both looking for as far as amount of connection.", "If you enjoy cross-dressing and are comfortable with how you feelaand aware of your own thoughts and feelings about it in private as compared to in public,  I see no problem with that.If you would like to become more comfortable with it or express more feelings about it, I recommend that you  see a local mental health professional, not because there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but so you can learn more about yourself in the process. You may find  that doing this in private and having a partner  who accepts that is your view of how you would like things to be. You may discover that you would like to do this in public.I appreciate your honesty.", "I know that most people who are transitioning from one gender to another are required to enter into counseling at some point. Transitioning is a long process and there are many steps. I do not know for certain whether you need to be in counseling before receiving hormone therapy, but I do believe that it is a part of the process prior to an actual surgical transition.You may consider a book called the Transgender Guidebook. While I have not read this book, a trusted coworker and clinician says that it is very informative.If you are speaking with a physician about gender transition hormones, they would probably know whether counseling is required at that time or later in the process.", "Sexual orientation is not always something that is clearly definable. Some people look at it on a continuum where being attracted to only boys is at one end, only girls is at the other, and bisexual is in the middle. Anywhere in between those points can be any amount of attraction to boys or girls.If you don't know whether you are gay or bisexual, that is okay. A lot of people don't know for quite some time. In addition to that, after people do know who they are attracted to, a lot of times they do not use the terms \"gay\" or \"bisexual\" for quite a while.It's okay not to know.Think about what sorts of expectations you have for your ideal relationship. Some examples may include trust, respect, availability for conversation or connection, etc. Whatever it is that you find important in a relationship is likely what matters most.If you are struggling with learning what it is that you would like in a relationship or any other feelings connected with what you are thinking and feeling, I would suggest connecting with a local therapist so you have a place to talk about what you are experiencing.", "If you're feeling like your gender is different than the gender you are born with, and there are many different terms to help describe that. Gender is actually looked at on a spectrum. Transgender is just one of those terms, but looking at the information here may help: http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender. I'm not saying that you should use the term transgender to describe yourself because that may not accurately describe what you are experiencing, but I'm just trying to point you to some more resources.As for what to say to someone who asks your gender, that becomes a question with a lot of different parts. This is probably something that would be best talked out with someone else who you trust. I don't know whether that is your family, friends, and mental health professional, and member of the clergy, or someone else. There are many different things than you could say and they are all related to how much you already to share with other people about how you feel regarding your gender.Generally, I would suggest it would be important to become comfortable with how you feel yourself and possibly tell some people whom you really trust first. Also consider that once you tell someone something, it's not possible to undo it, so if you tell someone, they may tell someone else. Then there is also the matter of people having very different reactions related to different genders and not everyone will be supportive. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with some people who are willing to understand and work through this with you so that you have some ideas how to react if you come across someone who does not understand.Please remember that there is always someone to talk with.", "Transgender means that you feel as though the gender that you are is different than the gender that were born with. So, for example, if you are genetically and biologically female, but you feel as though you are a male, that would be the initial concept of considering whether or not you are transgender. Just in the effort to be clear, the same idea applies if you are genetically and biologically male and feel as though you're female.This goes beyond people who enjoy dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender, although people who are transgender will sometimes do this as well. Being transgender is not about dressing up as the opposite gender, but rather feeling as though they actually are the opposite gender and are basically in the wrong body compared to how they feel on the inside.Find more information here: http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender", "Mood swings can be related to many different things. I don't know whether you're talking about changes between feeling angry and depressed or any number of other things. Sometimes major and sudden mood swings can be related to chemicals in our body that are changing rapidly.Try keeping track of your mood swings on a daily basis for a week or so. It would also be helpful to note how well you sleep during the same timeframe. Also be aware of anything you know of that is contributing to your changes in mood.Because you used the words \"instant\" and \"major,\" it would be helpful to discuss this with a mental health professional or your primary care physician so you can have some more specific ideas.", "I know some people do better when they don't have as much junk food in the house. This is not as tempting then. Having said that, maybe you can reward yourself with different things, such as having dessert on certain days. If you are concerned about mostly eating habits, consider seeing a nutritionist. They can help you find the balance between what it is that you really want and your goals. I'm not sure how this links to happiness for you, but hopefully looking at your choices can lead you toward your goal of being healthier.", "Since you are saying that you know that the thoughts are yours and your thinking of them in a different person's voice to make them easier for you to follow through on, it doesn't sound like it could develop into another personality.It may be helpful to also find other things that give you comfort and to practice telling yourself that it will be okay in your own voice. If you start to do that slowly, it may be more comfortable for you. If you're following following through with your own advice, it sounds like some part of you knows that you are making choices that you agree with.What else gives you comfort? Maybe there's a room that you like to be in when you are home or a certain outfit or color that makes you feel good. Focusing on these things may also be comforting to you.", "Bipolar disorder has a lot of different components. If this is a one-time event, it could be that your daughter had an intense moment of anger and the phrase of asking her to \"calm down\" may have made her feel as though you weren't understanding what she was saying. Bipolar disorder also includes feelings of depression. When this is coupled with intense anger and acting or speaking without thinking, these can be part of bipolar disorder, but that wouldn't be the whole picture of what bipolar disorder would look like. It may be helpful to track differences that you notice in your daughter's mood and any patterns related to the times of day or what seems to lead her to be upset. Patterns are very helpful in figuring out what is happening.", "I would recommend that you talk with a mental health professional near you about the details so you can have some really specific support for what you are going through.I don't know if you can understand when the voices are saying, but I wonder how you feel about what you are hearing? If the voices are just at night, is it possible that they are part of a nightmare or a dream? If you recall your nightmares, consider writing them down so that you can remember their content and work with a mental health professional to look for patterns.One thing that may help you while you are awake is to try to stay connected to the room you're in. For example, take time to notice your feet on the floor, hips in the chair, and shoulders against the back of the chair. You can also try mindfulness techniques, such as noticing what is around you or changing your breathing patterns. These ideas may help in the meantime prior to having more specific ideas from someone near you.Thanks for reaching out!", "I will admit that I'm not specifically familiar with this from my own experience.My best educated guess is that you could have a seizure during which you have some sort of symptoms similar to a hallucination (which is one of the psychotic symptoms) when you hear or see things that aren't really there.In looking briefly online, I was able to find some information here: http://www.epilepsy.com/information/professionals/about-epilepsy-seizures/psychiatric-and-behavioral-aspects/psychiatric-2It sounds like this would be a symptom in addition to an already existing seizure disorder, not a seizure disorder in addition to a mental health problem. If it is the other way around, I'm not sure how that would work. It is common with some types of seizures to have an altered state of reality during or shortly after the seizure, so that could also be related.I would suggest you talk to your physician about this directly so that if they are worried about this, you can learn more about what is making them concerned about it and what, if anything, you could do to lessen the likelihood of it or how to handle it if it does happen.", "Well, one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is having times of really high-energy and kind of feeling like they rule the world, so perhaps.There are also some other things that come to mind when you mention this. For example, the person you are describing could be reacting to something that happened in their past.It would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional.", "I don't have experience with this type of tic, but I can still give you a few general thoughts.I would first suggest meeting with your primary care physician. They would probably be able to refer you to a specialist to see whether there is a physical cause. Sometimes there is some sort of chemical imbalance and extra communication in nerves and muscles that can be treated with medication.I'm not sure about your use of the word compulsive and what exactly you meant by it, but it led me to wonder whether you feel better after you swallow and how often it happens.It would also be helpful to see if you can recall any events or changes leading up to the time when this started for you as well as anything that makes it better or worse.I don't know whether you are saying that it ties to anxiety or whether it is just something that happens and feels like it is out of your control.Here is some basic information about certain types of tic disorders and under the resources section at the top, there is a link to a list of specialists: http://www.movementdisorders.org/MDS/About/Movement-Disorder-Overviews/Tics--Tourette-Syndrome.htmAlso, having awareness of trying not to do something can make it more difficult not to do it. For example, if I ask you not to think of pink elephants from the next five minutes, that will probably be something you think about a lot in that time frame. Working with a physician (and possibly a therapist, depending on their recommendations) about this may be helpful to you.", "A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe.", "There are many possible answers here. It could be that she misses friends, that she felt safe in the other house (emotionally safe and comfortable), or dozens of other things. Will she talk about it when she's not mad? You mentioned that she has an attachment issue. It could also be that she was attached to the house. It's not the same as being attached to a person, but possessions and safe places certainly mean a lot.", "This is a question that is very specific to each person. There are definitely some variables, but I can give you some general ideas for when counseling might end:When a client has met all of their goals, at least to a degree when they feel that they no longer need to work on them with the assistance of a counselorSometimes a decision is made that a client is no longer benefiting from counseling at a certain timeSometimes clients have to remain in counseling in order to receive medication. This depends on agency policy, but sometimes it is a requirement. If the medication is necessary and cannot be prescribed by a primary care physician, frequency of sessions is usually decreased greatlyI'm not sure why you are asking this question, but it is also something that is often discussed at the beginning of treatment. Oftentimes \"discharge goals\" change as treatment progresses because more is known about clients, their goals, changes in their goals, and many other things. Changes are normal, but your counselor probably has discharge goals in mind, at least generally, from the beginning. I strongly encourage you to ask about it!", "I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time.I wonder about how your friendships are in person. If you get along well with people and have effective conversations with them face-to-face, there could be some kind of technology-related problem.Have you tried gently talking to people about how you send a message and they didn't answer? If you can phrase it in such a way that they recognize that you are asking for information and not blaming them for not answering you, that could be effective.I'd also encourage you to consider how much this is bothering you. If it is causing a significant amount of anxiety (say, more than 5/10 if 10 is really anxious), I would suggest talking with a local therapist.In the meantime, consider talking about this with someone you trust to whom you can get more details to get a more specific answer.", "This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.", "It sounds like this would be difficult at times, particularly if you feel misunderstood.You may or may not know that we all have chemicals in our brain. We also have different sections of our brain that become active when different things happen. There is a part of our brain where a lot of our emotions originate that is also designed to protect us when we are going through things that have been physically or emotionally painful in the past, and when that part of the brain is sometimes overactive (perceiving threat when there is no actual threat at the time), sometimes anxiety can develop. This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has an anxiety disorder, but often if we are afraid of something that is not actually a legitimate concern (for example, most insects are not going to hurt me, but I still do not like them very much), we have anxiety about it.The first thing I thought of when I read your question is that perhaps some part of your brain are overactive. I did find an article that may be helpful to you, but I just want to caution you. Not everything listed here applies to you. Also, the article uses the term \"brain anomalies.\" This does not mean that there is something majorly wrong with your brain. While I cannot tell you exactly what is happening, I'm asking you not to panic over the term and to just consider that perhaps some of the chemical reactions in your brain may be a little overactive, which may be able to be corrected with medication or something similar. I can't tell for certain from what you posted whether or not this is what is happening, but I would recommend that you either talk to your primary care physician or a therapist or psychiatrist.Here is the article: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/When you meet with your doctor or a therapist, please try to convey how much this is affecting your life.Thank you so much for posting here and I wish you the best.", "A lot of things affect how helpful counseling is for each person, including at least these things, but often many others:The therapeutic alliance (this refers to the bond, connection, or trust between the client and the counselor)What the person is coming in to work onHow motivated the person is to work on what it is they would like to changeSome people also ask how counseling is different from friendship. There is a similarity in the sense that hopefully both counselors and friends will listen to what you are experiencing, but that is really the end of the similarities. Some differences are:Counselors are specifically trained to phrase questions or statements in ways that help you to gain more awareness of one could be contributing to what it is that you are trying to change, both within yourself, and possibly with people around youCounselors have experience in using lots of different types of techniques (for example, focusing on finding solutions, looking at how the present situation could relate to your past, using role-plays or examples in session to help you learn new skills or ways of looking at situations, and probably hundreds of other things)Counselors are taught to look at what you are experiencing and ask questions about other related ideas that you may not have connected to what you are experiencingThere is a treatment plan in place (usually after the first, second, or third session) so both you and the counselor have an idea of where you would like to go with counseling (what you are hoping to change or learn) and a general idea of a plan for getting to your goalsIn general, I would say the following:Yes, counseling can help people who want something to be different in their livesCounseling is most helpful when the connection between the counselor and the client is strong enough that some trust forms (in other words, not every counselor or technique is helpful for every person)A lot of counselors will talk to you on the phone for a few minutes prior to you coming in for your first appointment to answer any general questions that you may haveIf you are working with a counselor and you feel as though you are not \"clicking\" or connecting with one another, give it three or four sessions before you change. Trust is not happening in one hour for most of peopleIf you are working with a counselor and you would like to be getting more or something different out of it, tell the counselor about that because typically modalities can be changedIf you are asking this question because you would like help with a specific issue, call a local counselor and discuss it so that you could have a more specific answer about possible options for counseling" ]

[ "EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you." ]

[ "Sometimes stress helps us become motivated and thrive to do better however, if your daughter is stressing to the point that she is crying and freaking out then that would be concerning. Helping your daughter with relaxation techniques like deep breathing or guided imagery would be a good start. Also, reminding your daughter that you see her doing so well in school and that most importantly you are there for her. I would also make an appointment to see a mental health therapist they can have more ideas on ways to de-stress.", "If your therapist is attentive and compassionate to what you are sharing then you will know you have a true connection with him or her and that he or she is the right match for you. Having a therapist who has a good location and inviting office is also a good sign that you have the right one!", "Absolutely it's normal to cry in therapy sessions. Sometimes clients have stories they never shared with anyone or never said out loud and that results to crying. Crying is a normal reaction to feeling hurt or sad or sometimes angry. I welcome all crying to my therapy room." ]

[ "First thing I'd suggest is getting the sleep you need or it will impact how you think and feel. I'd look at finding what is going well in your life and what you can be grateful for. I believe everyone has talents and wants to find their purpose in life. I think you can figure it out with some help." ]

[ "It could be said that you might be the perfect candidate for counseling! No one is beyond hope, and someone brave enough to be honest regarding their struggles, with the intention of reaching out for help is certainly a person a qualified counselor would be happy to assist. You may want to do some research on therapists in your local area who specialize in mind-body connection, or one of the struggles you have acknowledged in your post, in order to find a therapist that is best suited to meet your needs. Good luck on your search, and remember that the world is a better place with you in it.", "At present, the American Disability Association (ADA) only allows protection and guiltiness for Service Animals, which is fall under a separate distinction from Emotional Support Animals. Emotional support animals are untrained animals (typically pets or other domestic animals) that provide wonderful services to their owners, and there are many benefits to having one.Service animals who are trained to provide specific services for an individual with limitations that make them fall under what the ADA defines as \"disabled\" are protected under specific laws, and must be accommodated in public places where the human they serve is present. While it may be beneficial to request that the therapist who \"prescribed\" the dog to you write a letter to the apartment manager, it sounds like the manager is aware of ADA guidelines, and the simplest course of action may be to find an alternative residence, if that is a plausible option.", "It sounds like your children are walking on eggshells, and behaving in a manner that suggests that (at minimum) they may be receiving an undue amount of anger from someone in their lives. In addition to addressing this delicately with your children's father, it would be wise to speak with your children's teachers and pediatrician as well. Please closely  monitor the situation, and express to your children that they can always come to you with any information, and they will never be in trouble for confiding in you.", "At times when a child is not displaying milestone behavior at the same rate that is average for their peers, this should raise concern, so you are correct in reaching out for advice. Speaking with your child's pediatrician, as well as school staff may be the first places to start. You can request that she receive an assessment and evaluation, with a subsequent treatment plan to meet any needs she may have.", "Your daughter is fortunate to have an observant parent, who is willing to seek out help in this regard. Regression can be indicative of some stress in your child's life, so the issues she is facing should be examined. Seeking advice from your daughter's pediatrician, as well as a practitioner familiar with adolescent issues or perhaps play therapy can equip you with insight into the causes of the behavior, and give you tools to assist your daughter in learning age appropriate social interactions.", "This interaction with your boss seems strange. It is tricky to know how to handle workplace conflicts, but there are typically resources in place to help employees and mangers communicate successful and feel confident that they are being treated fairly at work. Is there an HR department that you can use as a mediator?", "There are many conflicting emotions and tasks that arise when one becomes a caretaker for their parent. Expressing positive emotions to her (i.e. \"Mom, I love and care for you, and enjoy our time together. I'm sorry I can't stay long\"( may help re-frame your thoughts and have a fresh perspective on the situation. Additionally, Visual cues like pictures and notes can also be helpful for those who suffer from disorders like Alzheimer's and Dementia, as it offers a \"Trigger\" for memory, helping to ease the doors to communication. Finding support in other family members, or a therapist familiar with elder care issues may be helpful as well.", "Firstly, I am so sorry for the stressful things in your life that make you feel like you may want to self-harm. There are many ways you can get help, including talking to a friend, family member, school counselor or  independent therapist. You can even reach out for free over text to Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741Although it is hard to accurately predict what might happen if someone cut themselves in school, the response could be anywhere from something as minimal as a conversation (unlikely) to as severe as being admitted to a hospital or psychiatric ward. It is brave of you to reach out for information and help; please keep doing so, and take good care of yourself.", "The short answer? By observing symptoms. The long answer and reality is that counselors use many tools for this purpose, including but not limited to: self reporting/surveying from clients, diagnostic tools and questionnaires, reports from School, family or other health professionals and social workers, court records, medical records, and the therapist's observation of client's thought patterns, affect, emotions and behaviors.", "This is one of those cases where there is \"no wrong answer.\"Many people DO cry, while others do not. Some people speak quietly, others may yell, and some find it painfully difficult to say anything at all in a therapeutic setting.My office has tissues readily on hand, and any client who uses them is assured that they are free to express the emotions they feel in a safe space." ]

[ "It is very natural for you to be attracted to someone that you find an interest in building a romantic relationship with.  These feelings are an emotional response toward adulthood.  You are at a healthy age to start the development of attraction and intimate bonds with those around you.  Pedophilia is a disorder in which adults or older adolescents find themselves continuously sexually attracted to children and minors.  At the age of 15, you are still considered a child/minor yourself that is growing into his own adulthood.  This is healthy for you to seek the elements of attraction and intimacy.  There may be a lot of confusion during this time due to the effects of puberty and all the changes you may be experiencing during your adolescence phase.  In this case, see if you are able to reach out to your parents, caregivers, and/or trusted adults to seek an understanding of those elements to help with any confusion with age, attraction, and underage dating." ]

[ "Hi, First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your efforts to gain (your) ideal erectile function. If the medications are not working and you have taken them as prescribed, I would encourage you to seek the help of a sex therapist as the dysfunction may be due to a psychological and/or relational issue rather than a physical/medical one. As for your question, only you can answer this. Is it OK? Are you OK with her sleeping with others? Have you thought through what this may look like, feel like, become for you and her? Opening up a relationship is a choice only the people in the relationship can answer. Even then, the answer may change at any point by either of you. I encourage you to also determine what the intention is underneath your telling your girlfriend she could sleep with others. Be clear with the intention and then together have continuous conversations about the expectations of opening up (i.e.: are there any kinds of sex that is off limits, areas of the body where touch or intimacy is not allowed, are uses of safer sex required or not, do you want to know the details or not, so forth). An excellent resource would be the book \"Opening Up\" by Tristan Taormino. I wish you the best of luck!Dr. Lily Zehner, MFT-C" ]

[ "Kids develop in different ways and different speeds. It can sometimes feel like your kid has a delay because of these different ways of development. If you have concerns about your child’s development then addressing it with the school is the best solution. They will be able to provide a full assessment if needed with an academic diagnosis as well as academic support.", "There are many causes for feeling stressed out. Between a demanding job, family responsibilities, and everything else that can come up, stress becomes more and more part of our everyday life. One of the best ways to combat the toxic effects of stress on our bodies, social lives, and overall well being is to engage in self-care. But not the self-care that most people think of like vacations or massages. The best self-care is the kind that helps you live the life that you already have rather than escape it. You see, the reason why vacations and massages don't work long term in reducing stress is that they allow you to escape from what is causing the stress without truly fixing it so you just return to what already stressed you out. So, instead you need to find ways to help live with the stressors that you already have. They can be things like creating a more manageable schedule, introducing healthy eating or exercising, financial planning, and even learning a few simple relaxation skills. The key to combatting stress is to make small but consistent changes to your life so that it becomes more manageable and more enjoyable.", "This is a great question. Finding the right therapist can be tricky because you don't really know how someone will be like until you meet them. A few ways to prescreen are to:- Visit the therapist's website, psychologytoday profile, social media, etc...- Have a phone call with the therapist prior to your first appointmentOnce you meet your therapist it is important to be clear with your wishes and expectations. We are trained in helping you thrive in your life but we cannot mind read so if you don't tell us, we won't know. Don't be shy about what you like and what you don't like. A good therapist will listen to your needs, process them with you, and create a customized plan that works for you and your life. A good therapist will also not take anything you say (even criticism) personally. Coming to therapy is hard and often times you might not want to go. What makes a good therapist is someone who understands this and tries to make you feel as comfortable as possible while you address uncomfortable topics.", "It is normal to feel an array of emotions in therapy. Most people use therapy as a way to process their life's struggles and often times this results in them crying during session. Crying is a way to release those negative emotions and to cope with what is happening in life. We have come to believe that crying is something bad at times and so have conditioned ourselves to avoid crying out in public places. In therapy though, where there are no such expectations and where you can be open and honest about how you are feeling it is normal to cry." ]

[ "Learn how to meditate. I recommend a Mindful Based Stress Reduction MBSR program." ]

[ "That's a loaded question.  Typically, if we are contemplating if we should or not, it is for a reason.  To really come to a place of decision, you need to know where you are right now, what is not working, what the potential resolution would be and if it is realistic.  If you can answer those questions, you may gain some insight.   If it is realistic and your boyfriend is on the same page, seek help putting a plan in motion for resolution.  And I mention him being on the same page because if he is not, then it will never come to fruiting.  Without much other information, this is this is a solid approach.", "Talking about it stops it from being a secret.  It takes courage to have posted your question and that is the first step. Here is an article I wrote a few years back.  http://abuseisnotasecret.com/why-abuse-is-not-your-fault/One day at a time.", "Anger does have its place.  When anger is experienced often or the magnitude of it does not fit the scenario, such as your losing comb, the question becomes, what does losing that comb mean to you?  In the very split second that you have realized the comb is missing, there is a reaction that occurs within you, accompanied by an image or thought that like lightening flashes so quickly that you may not be aware what it is.  As Sherry noted below, awareness.  Awareness is fundamental.  Becoming aware of ourselves and what is happening internal that sparks it off.  The next time you feel angry from a \"small thing\", stop and ask yourself, why am I angry that this is lost?  Find out what you are thinking or how you are speaking to yourself.  You will become aware and once you are aware, steps can be taken to alter the experience for the better. A professional can assist with that!", "I am sorry to learn of this.  You must be extremely frustrated and heartbroken.  To begin, he is correct.  You have done nothing wrong.  This is entirely a coping mechanism in overdrive.  It is fear.  It is anger.  It is extreme sadness.  It is feelings of abandonment.  It is intense emotional pain.  It is his way of protecting himself from potential unexpected additional loss.I am not familiar with how old this post is, but often, it will require time and understanding.  If he speaks with you, encourage him to get grief counseling.  Do not encourage it for your relationship, encourage it for his betterment coping with losing his dad.  Start there.  Good Luck.", "It's good to know you are reminiscing about good memories.  The sadness and crying is normal when you are missing a loved one.  You are noticing that grief changes, it doesn't just stop.  You have recognized that there will be moments in life that you will want to have shared with your brother and grandma and it just seems unfair that you cannot.  I often find that when someone is stuck in the place you are, it is a result of unfinished business and in your case, it appears, unfinished futures.  A professional versed in grieving and it's intricacies, can guide you to navigate through this and lessen the intensity that you experience.  As life goes on, there will be many moments that you will have wished they were present, but those moments do not have to bring you such intense emotion.  Seek some help, you won't regret it.", "There is an organization dedicated to helping individuals find affordable counseling.  It is called Open Path Collective.  There is a one time membership fee of $49 and it lasts for your lifetime.  You then have access to local counselors/therapists who will see you for an extremely reduced rate, anywhere from $30 - $60.   https://openpathcollective.org/" ]

[ "Everyone has different experiences going to therapy. Being nervous can be a typical emotion one might feel. Emotions are our body's way of telling us important information about ourselves. I would suggest talking openly in your sessions about this. That way you can process your thoughts and feelings with the guidance of your counselor. There are probably underlining emotions (fears or insecurities) that are being stirred up during your therapy sessions. Your counselor might suggest individual counseling depending on what you learn about your anxiety. In individual therapy you would have time to deal with your own stressors. As you address your issues, then you will have tools and skills that will be useful in addressing the couple relationship.", "This sounds like a possible boundary issue. Boundaries are important in relationships. They are invisible lines that we will or will not cross. It is up to us to create and hold them. We have the ability to rethink them and change them as needed. It sounds like you have thought it through and would like to makes changes in the relationship between your mother and you. In the main question, you want to avoid the family member, however in the following comment, it sounds like you may just want the avoid that conversation, not so much your mother. Once we review the issue and decide what we need (create the boundary), I suggest opening talking with the person when everyone is calm (not in the middle of a stressful moment when we often are unable to focus and hear the other person). Always understanding that we had time to think about this issue and the other person has not (catching them off guard). State clearly your need. Such as \"I am not comfortable with hearing about my sister. It stresses me out. I would appreciate it if you would not bring it up anymore. If you do, I will not respond and I will change the subject \" It is important to use \"I\" statements. I feel\" this way\". I will \"do this\". We only have power over our actions. Also when we use \"you \" comments, the other person can become defensive and unable to hear what we are saying. Once we let ourselves know what we need, then let the other people know our new boundary, then it is up to us to follow through. We will make mistakes. Not follow through every time with our boundary. That is okay. Start again. It gets easier with practice. It is also appropriate to reconsider and change your boundary as needed. Just let the others know when you need to change it. Remember, they can not read our minds. I wish you much strength and hope the best for you and your family.www.parishhealthandwellness.com" ]

[ "First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry you are not feeling accepted by your family. I know how  isolating and lonely this can be. The most important step you can take right now is building a community of supportive people who do accept you. Creating your own sense of community is very powerful for helping you love yourself. If you can find a trans support or LGBTQ support group in your area, I recommend seeking that out right away through your local LGBTQ center or PFLAG. If you don’t have access to that, I recommend calling Trans Lifeline US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366 https://www.translifeline.org/. You can talk to other trans-identified people anonymously for support, calling them from wherever you feel safe. This is a great way to begin to connect with other people who have similar experiences to you. Next, think of this time in your life as your time to explore your gender identity, just for yourself. Make room to explore you gender identity in ways that are private and comfortable for you. Consider reading a book like: https://www.newharbinger.com/queer-and-transgender-resilience-workbook to explore who you are and build resilience. Also, consider learning about other religions that are accepting of LGBTQ folks for another perspective - there are many out there! Once you feel you have a strong support system outside of your family and a positive sense of self-love (which can take time, be patient, don’t rush it), then you can consider what action steps you want to take with your family. If you are still living with your family or financially depend on them, having other supports in place first is very important. It’s a very personal choice how you want to navigate your family relationships, talk it through in-depth with a trusted friend, other trans folks, or therapist to help you decide what’s right for you.And remember, there are tons of people out there who will love and accept you. We are rooting for you!In solidarity,-Lindsey", "I am so sorry to hear this has been your family’s reaction. It is truly heartbreaking to hear. The important thing to remember is that your identity as bisexual is valid and you are worthy of love, no matter what other people say.The other therapists below have given you some great advice on how to cope with your family's reaction and how to manage the pain you are feeling. I wanted add to their responses by sharing a few resources on ways to connect with bisexual community.To know you are not alone. To see yourself reflected in others. To hear others stories of how they have coped. These things can help you stay strong during difficult times. I hope these resources can do some of that for you.Online blogs, resources, and stories: https://bisexual.org/, https://www.binetusa.org/Find a Bisexual support group: https://www.binetusa.org/bi-groups-in-the-usBisexual Podcast- https://www.binetusa.org/the-bicast Find Bi-Affirming Professionals in your area - http://bizone.org/bap/In Solidarity,-Lindsey" ]

[ "As a  Parent it can be very hard to see your child struggling. It sounds like they’re experiencing anxiety from their stress. It’s always a good idea to check in with your family doctor. Many children are experiencing anxiety and can benefit from individual counseling services to help them cope with their stress. School pressures and academic achievements  can you create physical stress responses in the body. Seeing a counselor can also help you as the mom or dad have available tools to provide Continued support. It sounds like you are a great support for them and helping them connect to their resources.", "This is a great question! I often wonder about what normal really means. Counseling is a personal process where many emotions can be experienced by people. I I do not believe it is just you who cries in therapy. Therapy can bring out many emotions such as laughter, anger, frustration, relief, grief, sadness, and many more emotions. Talking to your counselor about your experience might provide insight and healing for you. If crying surprised you and you feel comfortable that might be something you could bring up with your counselor." ]

[ "Finding the right therapist isn't as easy as looking in the phone book and choosing someone who is close-by or is inexpensive. The therapist who feels like the best fit is someone who you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, provides a environment (physical or virtual) that feels safe to try and take risks, and who focuses on your needs in the time you spend together. The right treatment options may vary depending on what you are going through in your life at the moment, and may not be the same from challenge to challenge. A good therapist for you will communicate with you and give you feedback, but also encourage you to grow and be able to utilize the tools you've acquired in your real, every day life.", "Your therapy sessions and goals  are for you and about you. They are not meant to be compared to anyone else's sessions and goals. Crying can occur in many different scenarios, such as when you're happy, relieved, have just heard the funniest joke, and of course, when you're sad. All of these feelings are valid and your tears are part of how your body experiences those feelings. If you're often sad and working through a lot of sadness in your therapy sessions, it is reasonable to expect that you may cry a lot during therapy.If you're crying, and you aren't able to connect it to an emotional experience or feeling, that is something to discuss with your therapist. It can sometimes be difficult to name our feelings, and the behaviors get ahead of our thinking brain to try and communicate for us. Maybe your tears are trying to tell you something about your feelings. Either way, your therapy sessions should be a safe space for you to cry, feel, investigate, and connect.", "First off, I want to tell you how proud I am of you for starting out in the process. It takes a lot of courage to seek out a therapist, and perseverance to wade through all the logistics of the process. Just like finding a good doctor or dentist, finding a therapist who is a good fit for you may take some time, the difference being that you are likely to visit your doctor or dentist only a couple of times a year or in an emergency. Your therapist is someone you will be spending time with on a weekly or bi-weekly basis who you are going to be sharing a lot of yourself with, so it is important to feel comfortable with that therapist, even if sharing and reflecting is uncomfortable. There are several places where a therapist may be searchable, such as insurance directories, websites, or just a search engine, so the first step is to see if they treat the kind of challenges you are dealing with or not. If they don't list it as one of their skillsets, they may not be able to support you, and it may be unethical for them to work with you. Fear not! that therapist may be able to provide you with the name(s) of other providers who do specialize in your needs. You can also try to filter through listings to see who focuses on your area of needs, and then see how they talk about their therapeutic process. Do they position themselves as an expert and you a problem to be fixed? Is that what you want? Do you they talk about collaborating with you to identify problems and come up with solutions? Does that sound appealing to you? There are a lot of different tools and techniques that therapists can rely upon, but therapy at its foundation is about the relationship, so if reading about them doesn't give you a good feeling, move on to the next profile.Once you have a few names that seem like a good fit, reach out and see if they will meet with you briefly for a consultation. These are usually free and give you an opportunity to see what it is like to interact with them, how they answer questions, and if their answers resonate with you. You may find that it is awkward and that you are not at ease in the brief exchange, but you may find that the rapport is already being established. If none of the therapists you meet with work out, or if you start meeting with a therapist and it doesn't feel right, you can stop seeing them, ask for a referral, or start your search over again. This process is about you and your needs, not about pleasing the therapist so don't feel obligated to continue if it isn't working out." ]

[ "The thoughts you are having are just thoughts.  Not actions.  It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts.  If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great.  If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts, you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist.  Take care.", "I am less concerned about this man as bisexual and having gay friends, than about how you feel is treating you.  You are in a vulnerable position because of social isolation.  If you have friends to talk to, please reach out.  While this man has money, it is not his job to take care of you financially unless the two of you have decided that together.  It sounds like he sometimes cares for you and other times you feel disrespected.  I would suggest you look for a man that is consistent in his love and care.  This is not your fault.  But you are in control of removing him from you life or choosing not to because he meets some of your needs.  Take care.", "If you feel this real for you, then it is.  It is an incredible transition to undergo.  There is more and awareness out there about trans now.  Read different stories and find a support network so you do not feel alone.  Just live your new life.  Mom will simply have to realize this with time.  You can gently and lovingly confront her if she continues to refer to you as a female.  Good luck!", "Wonderful!  I am so excited for you.  What a huge decision.  I am writing from Toronto Canada so it is hard for me to direct you specifically.  I would start with two things 1) Find a doctor that is comfortable perscribing hormones and 2) find a Counsellor or Therapist that is transgender specialized.  They will know how transitioning works in your health care system and other supports as well.  Google is a wonderful way to find these resources.   I wish you well. Thanks for writing!", "Hi.  I would find a counsellor to talk to.  Google to find a transgender specialized counsellor in your area.  They can help you make good decisions and feel good about who you are.  Good luck!", "No, it does not necessarily.  Your sexual preference is based on who you ARE attracted to, not what does not turn you on.  If you find you have no sex drive at all, this is called asexual.  But you did not mention what you do find arrousing either.  Hope this helps.", "Gender is personal thing.  There is not just boy and girl.  It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women.  It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women.  Have fun with it and feel it out.  What is right for you?", "Hello.  I do not that thnk this is something that needs to be cured.  If it a part of who you are, I feel that is great.  if you simply enjoy wearing the clothes I would work on self acceptance.  Take care.", "I am a bit confused?  Are your ex-girlfriend's friends gay?  I feel the need for a bit more information." ]

[ "This is a difficult situation to be in, as it sounds like you are feeling very isolated from both your family and your friends.   I don't know your age or gender so please excuse any incorrect assumptions about you being under 18 and use what is useful from the ideas if you are older.  One idea is to research online to find a therapist or a local clinic that has a therapist who is a \"Gender Therapist\" or a \"Gender Specialist.\"  Most therapists who are transgender affirmative also have other specialties and do general therapy.  Though I don't think lying to your parents is a good idea, if you feel you truly can't talk to them about your gender, then perhaps you can find a therapist with a specialization in gender identity who can help you cope with your gender dysphoria.  You can let your parents know that you would like to see that particular therapist for other reasons, such as anxiety/worry, and that you researched them and liked their website.  Work to find a therapist who takes your parents insurance if you can.  You can also talk to the therapist on the phone first, before you talk to your parents about scheduling the first therapy visit. Therapists can help you learn some ways to manage feelings of worry, shame, and fear related to gender dysphoria. Depending on your family situation, many therapists will work to help you learn skills to safely communicate with your parents about what is troubling you.  Your parents may actually surprise you and be more accepting than you think.  Usually when parents learn that you are suffering, they want to be open to learning how they can help you, even if awkwardly at first.Reframing is a tool that helps you think about your situation from other perspectives.  It's kind of how you can look at the same picture with a different picture frame and it makes the same picture look a little different.   Keep in mind your situation is probably temporary and think about in the context of your whole long life (can you tolerate another 2 to 4 years living like you are if you have another X number of years to live?).  If you are living at home, you will eventually be more independent and be able to make more of your decisions about your gender expression. Keep the idea in mind the concept that is popular in mindfulness classes I teach, that \"This too shall pass\" or \"This is only for now\" when you start to feel hopeless. If you start to over focus on your gender or body issues, try to distract yourself with things that make you feel happy (your pet, music, art, sports etc) or stay busy.  If you can, find any GSA or LGBTIQQ youth group that you can attend confidentially, further away from home, to get some support.  Work to find an ally, one person, that you can talk to about what you are feeling. Making new friends online through social media can sometimes be a start in breaking down the isolation you feel. Another idea, if you are under 24 years old, there is a phone line (866-488-7386)  to call in case you are ever feeling you are in crisis.  You can also text chat! Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/There is also a trans teen online chat group if you are 12-19 http://www.glbthotline.org/transteens.htmlIf you are an adult you can get numbers to call in your state if you start to feel suicidal:http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/Day to day, can you creatively work on your gender dysphoria?  Yes!  Are there ways you can focus on parts of your body you love?  Can you focus on that when you look in the mirror?  Are you a writer?  Can you write stories or poetry about the life you imagine for yourself in the future?  Can you do small things that help you get more in touch with your gender day to day like making small choices about your clothing, like wearing clothes that are more unisex,  that only you know are gender related but others won't notice?  You cannot force others to accept you but you can work on your self-acceptance and self-compassion. That work is something that is best done in the company of others like you as well as with at least another person who gets you and whom you can trust.  Good luck to you!" ]

[ "It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover that they are anxious (worried) about a lot of areas in their life but seem to find no relief.  When there is no relief and there have been numerous attempts (either in their mind or in practical application) to resolve the anxiety, depression is often the result.  In this type of case, depression is not the main or underlying issue. The anxiety is the underlying issue.  Having \"a lot on my mind\" sounds like anxiety. Unresolved anxiety can lead to feelings of depression which are often associated with \"emptiness.\"  In the question above, I would want to evaluate all of the issues surrounding having \"a lot on my mind\" and determine where these might be coming from. Has there been ongoing rejection from peers? From family? If so, why does this seem to be happening?  Isolation is often a protective measure that one implements to avoid further pain. Where does that need to protect originate?  Are there unmet needs from childhood? Are there traumatic life events that have created a need to self-protect as a defense mechanism? We can feel \"alone\" even when in a crow of people or at a party.  This has nothing, in this case, to do with being around people. It has more to do with how we view ourselves.  If there is a prevailing message or script that has been internalized that says, \"You are worth nothing\" or \"You don't deserve the company of others\" then being around people will not alleviate the problem but only exacerbate it. I would want to evaluate how one feels about themselves and what negative messages one has received and has repeated to oneself over time. The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is a therapy aimed at addressing unmet childhood needs. If there is specific trauma that is associated with socializing with people, then EMDR can be very helpful in desensitizing and reprocessing the trauma.  Looking at whether this individual's issue with emptiness is straight depression or whether it is depression as a result of unresolved anxiety is key to determining a treatment strategy.", "Ending an abusive relationship is often very difficult, especially if you were very close initially without the presence of abuse.  If the abuse included verbal or psychological condemnation, you will often have a negative self-image that you may \"know\" is not true but often feels very true. This negative self-image and fear of being abused again can activate protections in you that were needed at the time you were abused but now create a \"wall\" in your current relationship.  The fact that you were able to end the relationship and know that you made the right decision is a great acknowledgement that you have solid internal resources to draw upon in healing from the abuse.  Good for you!Nightmares and flashbacks are a strong sign of memories, including associated beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations, that have remained unprocessed and therefore unhealed.  There are likely reminders (called triggers) of the past abuse that are being activated in your current relationship that are allowing these unhealed memories to come to the surface and affect both your sleep and your waking experiences.  This is certainly not something you are purposefully doing but is the result of what happened to you.  However, you likely feel as if you are not in control.    The goal is protect your current relationship, evaluate your self-image for flaws in beliefs and feelings, and begin working on healing your memories of abuse. In many cases, my use of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) would be helpful in reducing the emotional strength of your abuse memories, reduce or eliminate triggers, bring healing, and allow you to enjoy being in the present with your current relationship.  I would recommend discussing with your current partner your harmful past experiences, your decision to pursue counseling, and your strong desire to be healthy for your current relationship.  With a good support network in place, healing is very possible." ]

[ "Please do not worry about crying. People cry, laugh, rage, rant, and talk during counseling sessions. Part of the therapy process is to look at your feelings, and to feel what you are actually feeling (instead of what you think you should feel). So if you need to cry, that's ok. If you feel embarrassed because you cried, or if you feel anxious that you might cry, well those feelings are ok as well. Your counselor can help you manage your feelings so that you can attain your goals, and your counseling session is the perfect place for that.", "There are lots of things you can do, but first: Congratulations on your new job!  Commuting long distances can be stressful, but there are some things you can do.First, make sure that your seating arrangement in your car is comfortable. If you are driving long distances on a regular basis, you want to make sure that your body is in a comfortable position. Second, select some music or podcasts that work for you, rather than against you. Soothing music is good, as well as inspirational podcasts. Alternatively, listening to books can be a great way to spend the time, improve your mood, and find inspiration. Third, make sure that you have plenty of time for your commute. If the drive normally takes you 30 minutes, plan on 45 (or if it's 45 minutes, plan on an hour). This way you won't be rushed, can take your time, can focus on your driving, and if traffic is a bit backed up, you've got plenty of time to reach your destination.Finally, if you do find yourself being anxious in a way that impedes your driving, pull over to the side of the road, take some deep breaths, and sit with your feelings. Take a deep drink of water. Consider jotting your feelings down in a journal. If its safe, get out of the car and walk around a bit, stretching you muscles and breathing in the air.But most of all, be kind to yourself. I wish you much success in your new job.", "Why are you afraid of rape? Because it is a problem in the United States! The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reports that one in five women (0r 20%) will be raped (http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf) and that 80% of women know their assailant. Given these statistics, it is perfectly logical to be afraid. However, there are things you can do to reduce the risk of rape, such as being aware of your surroundings, and limiting the use of drugs or alcohol.The Enhanced Access, Knowledge, Act program for college-aged women has been shown to reduce the risk of rape by more than 50%. (http://www.blueprintsprograms.com/factsheet/eaaa-enhanced-assess-acknowledge-act-sexual-assault-resistance-education) You may want to see if a program like this is available in your area. Another great app for when you need to walk somewhere alone, is the Companion App (http://www.companionapp.io). Friends or family can track your progress from one point to another via the GPS in your phone.In addition, talking with a counselor about your fears would also be a good idea. Sometimes fears are rational and reasonable. Sometimes they are over-reactions and unreasonable. When then are over-reactions and unreasonable, they can have a negative impact on your life. In this case, a counselor could help you understand why your fears are unreasonable, and how you can stop them from negatively impacting your life.", "Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Having said that, everyone gets upset once in awhile and may yell or scream, which can be disrespectful. You said \"always, and I mean always\" and that is troubling. If your dad curses and screams at you on a regular and consistent basis, it can (as you stated) impact the way you feel about yourself. While the definitions of child abuse differ from state to state, talking to someone can help. Perhaps there is a counselor at school, or another trustworthy person you could confide in to help you understand how this situation is impacting you? Counseling is a good option. There is also help available through the national hotline at 1-800-422-4453, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call (press 1) and talk to a counselor while being anonymous. You can also check out this website: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/resources-kids/I am sorry that you are going though this situation. There is help available. You do not have to go through this situation alone.", "It does sound like your roommate may have a drinking problem, and the short answer is that you can't do anything about it, only she can. We can't change what other people say, think, or do. We can only change our reactions. It does sound like your roommate may be having a hard time. You can suggest that she enter counseling or therapy. You can reassure her that you like her (if that's true), but you don't have to pity her.", "Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook.  It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them.", "Terrible things do happen in life, and I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please rest assured that you are not a sociopath, and that your reactions are normal responses to traumatic events. I'm guessing you are experiencing a sense of numbness, which is a common response to trauma. The best thing you can do is to get some trauma counseling with a professional counselor.  As you process your experience, you will be able to feel emotions again. However, the first feelings to come back may be related to trauma, such as fear, panic, and a sense of hyper vigilance. A professional counselor will be able to help you tolerate these feelings, manage them, and heal from your trauma.", "The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health: http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/How-much-is-too-much/  There you will find information on how many drinks is too much, and the general answer for women is more than seven drinks in a week. There is also a quiz you can take anonymously that will help you determine if your drinking is a problem. The good news is that you can get help for substance abuse through counseling, self-help programs, or alcoholics anonymous.", "Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her.", "It's courageous to seek help, and I applaud you. Here is a great guide from Forge Forward: https://forge-forward.org/wp-content/docs/Lets-Talk-Therapist-Guide.pdf. It is about seeking help through therapy; however, they also have a listing of trans support groups throughout the US, which you can find here: http://forge-forward.org/directories/listing/. I would start by connecting with a local organization that can guide you to support groups, and trans-affirming counselors. You are not alone. There are people out there willing and able to help.", "I don't think it's appropriate to give your counselor a bottle of wine. Your counselor helped you and supported you, which is great, But a gift is inappropriate. I can understand that you want to show your gratitude. There are many other ways to do that. You could drop your counselor a note or card, thank him in person, or tell him how much he helped you. These small gestures can be very meaningful for both of you." ]

[ "It sounds like your intuition is helping you realize that your daughter's stress might be building into something more. It sounds like you have noticed a recent change that isn't explained by other life changes- and that reaching out to someone might be helpful for her.  I would encourage you to explore that with her!  She might feel relief at your suggestion, or maybe even some anxiety and apprehension.  All of these reactions are normal! I would first check in with her and then begin to explore your options together.  There are many online resources that can help.  If you have insurance, you can always consult with your insurance company to see who is in network.  Many times, if therapists aren't able to take you on at the moment, they can provide advice or referrals.  Best of luck in the search, and great job following your instincts.", "This is a great question!  I imagine people wonder this all of the time, as it's a conversation I have had with many of my clients.  One thing to think about is advice that I give regarding many different types of relationships: what brings you together has to be more than what draws you apart.  In this case, therapy will likely make you uncomfortable at times and feel difficult.  But the right therapist will always help you to feel safe and supported through that.  As far as \"training\" your therapist, I encourage you to think about it from the perspective of how you can best be assertive about what you're looking for- and what you're NOT looking for! Most therapists will be happy to talk about their approaches or beliefs to help you better understand their work and what you might be doing with them in your time together.  If these conversations don't feel satisfying, feel free to move on.  Not everyone is the perfect fit, and that is okay." ]

[ "Thank you for writing in with this important question.  There are some key words in your question that indicate you may have a problem; they are, \"over indulge,\" \"feel really guilty,\" and \"angry drunk.\"  You also indicate that you have been unfaithful in your relationship while under the influence of alcohol.  In assessing whether or not someone has a \"problem\" with alcohol, some of the criteria I consider are whether or not they have attempted to cut back on their drinking and have been unable to do so and do they continue to drink despite knowing of likely consequences to their own emotional/physical health, relationships, occupational and/or social functioning.  I indicated you \"may\" have problem because it would be improper for me to make a formal diagnosis over this type of forum with so little information; however, with the information you provided, my answer is yes, you may have a problem based on my interpretation that you have tried to control your drinking and have been unsuccessful and have continued to drink despite experiencing yourself as an \"angry\" drunk, feeling guilty after a night of drinking and being unfaithful in your relationship.  I would recommend that you see a counselor for a proper assessment.  I applaud you for being concerned about this issue and seeking help." ]

[ "I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.", "I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as, is it more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?" ]

[ "A failed suicide attempt is commonly thought of as a “cry for help,” however it can also be a serious attempt to find a permanent solution to depression, hopelessness or other feelings a person feels are unbearable. It’s wonderful that you want to support your husband, but If your husband is feeling depressed and hopeless, you can best help him by getting him to a mental health professional. Feelings of hopelessness and depression, and previous attempts at suicide are all risk factors for future suicide attempts. With a mental health professional, or in the emergency room of a hospital, your husband should be evaluated for suicidal thoughts, intent and plan, and if he is a danger to himself he should probably be hospitalized again until he is stable. Without knowing the particulars, your husband may suffer from Major Depressive Disorder or some other illness on the depressive spectrum. In that case medication could help him immensely, at which point you can offer your support and encouragement him to practice gentle self-care. And do not forget to practice it for yourself.  Remember: a suicide attempt not only affects the person, but it is an immense stressor for his or her loved ones as well. As they say, “put your oxygen mask on first.” Then you will be better able to provide your husband with calm and loving care and attention.Kayla Schwartz, LMSW[email protected]", "It's important to take a look inside and see what's going on with you to cause you to have these feelings.  Please contact us in whatever way is most comfortable for you and we can get you set up with someone who will help you figure out this space in your life.", "When you are at your lowest, you have an opportunity to learn not just about the people around you and who you can depend on, but also, so much about yourself and why you have come to the place that you have. Take this time to do some introspection and learn yourself. It will give you the power to recover from whatever it is that has broken you. We'd love to talk with you. Please contact us sometime.", "Alot of our choices have to do with what we have been taught and partly our fear of trusting ourselves to do what is right. There is so much more going on within you than you realize. We can help you bring it to the surface. Please contact us when you can and in whatever way you can to discuss what's going on with you.", "What you are describing is a state of abandonment like no other; a direct lack of respect. The challenge here is: you cannot control another person no matter how hard you try. The only person that you have control of is yourself. So then the question that this reality poses is: What are you willing to change? If you love yourself and know that you have tremendous value, if you can see what you bring to a relationship and that you deserve respect and love and tenderness, then you will get to a point where you will settle for nothing less than that. The change that might be necessary in yourself is to change the way you see yourself, the way you treat yourself and what you accept. Your husband also needs to change and that is something only he can do for himself but reaching out to get help as well. It would be helpful for you both to get help because there is damage on both parts. You have much more power than you realize and talking with someone can help you to hone that power and make a difference in your own life. Sometimes, the difference/change can be walking away from a bad situation or it can simply be changing your attitude and raising the bar. Sometimes our loved ones come with us on the elevation, and sometimes they get left behind.  You must do some deep introspection through therapy to get to the point where you can answer this question for yourself.", "It's important to take a look inside and find out why you are experiencing these feelings. It could anything and it will change your life to know what your particular issue or trigger is. Please contact us a call with the method that is most comfortable for you." ]

[ "Sometimes it is hard to empathize with our children. Adults have had so much life experience and know how the world works.  I think whatever is bothering her at the moment doesn't seem silly to her.  What are her goals? Are they realistic.?  It sounds like your daughter might be a perfectionist. Is it necessary for everything to be perfect?  No, we all make mistakes.  Perfectionists tend to sabotage their own success and succeed despite their perfectionism.  Perfectionism makes them stressed and anxious and they have to deal with those feelings every day on top of striving for success  Perfectionists also often have what is called a fixed mindset. They believe their basic abilities such as intelligence and talents are fixed traits.   They are set in stone.  For them, If they are not naturally good at something there is no hope of improvement.  This mindset leads them to them want to appear perfect and never make mistakes.  Your daughter probably needs some help to change her fixed mindset to a  growth mindset.  People who have growth mindsets believe their abilities can improve over time. thinking this way helps become more motivated and resilient They believe they can find ways to fix mistakes and get better at the challenging things by getting help, studying a different way,  and not giving up. A therapist who treats children her age could help her re-frame her approach to challenging tasks and the way she thinks about her gifts and talents.", "It's kind of like an audition.  You need to find someone who you feel comfortable with and respect.  Many therapists provide short, free, consultations.  That is a good way to see if they seem to understand and empathize with you in a way that puts you at ease.  If you have specific issues that you need to work on. look for someone who specializes in what is troubling you.  The therapist should be able to provide evidence-based treatment and should discuss with you why they think this is the best way to proceed.  Every counseling client should feel free to have input on their goals and desired outcomes." ]

[ "Many people cry during their therapy sessions. Actually most people cry in their therapist's office. I tell my clients that it's safe to cry in my office and crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a normal human response to pain. People actually do more harm to themselves by trying not to cry than by crying. Crying is very cleansing and an important part of the healing process for many people." ]

[ "Hi, I understand what you're going through. Your daughters favor him because he has done no wrong in their eyes. Im guessing they lived with you? Growing up I was the same way.. I favoured my dad, thinking he has done no wrong. He also abused my mother multiple times, and that never came to mind. kids like their other parent more mainly because they don't see them everyday, and they usually buy them everything they want, because all he does it pay child support (by force) and then spoil their kids to make them happy. You seem like a great mom, don't doubt yourself." ]

[ "Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss." ]

[ "Your child is not part of your past, he or she is part of your present and future. Your child needs you. Statistics about fatherless children are staggering. Research shows children raised in a father-absent  home experience the following: 4x greater risk of poverty, more likely to have behavioral problems, 7x more likely to become pregnant as a teen, more likely to face abuse and neglect, more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, 2x more likely to suffer obesity, 2x more likely to drop out of school, more likely to commit crime and more likely to go to prison. Listen to your heart and ask yourself, what do you want for your child? Co-parenting is hard when each parent is unable to prioritize the best interests of the child. You and your ex-wife can get help learning how to co-parent in a way that will work for each of you with the best interest of your child in mind. What is confusing for a child is why did my parent abandon me and they will struggle with issues of worthiness and self-esteem for the rest of their lives. Here are some websites for you to check out and get help with the most important job you'll ever have...being a father!https://fatherhoodfactor.com/us-fatherless-statistics/https://www.fatherhood.org/fatherhood-data-statisticshttps://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/http://fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/", "The first thing I would ask yourself is how do you feel when it is time to go to therapy? What do you notice inside your body? Are you sick to your stomach? Neutral? Dreading it? Your body will give you indications as to how safe you feel. Your relationship with your therapist is like any other relationship...you need to feel safe, accepted and understood. You want to see someone who you look forward to sitting across from and feel comfortable talking about whatever is on your heart and mind.  What are you preferences? Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist? Does their age matter? What kind of therapy do you want to do? Do you know? If not, you might want to talk to friends or family who have done therapy and ask them what they liked or didn't like, what worked for them and what the process was like. You can always talk to a prospective therapist about all the questions you have (Have they worked with others with your issues? Have they ever been in therapy? Where did they go to school? What kind of training do they have? Etc.) You may not know in the first session or two if you have the right therapist but pay attention to how you feel while you are there. Your therapist should check in with you and ask how you are feeling. If it's not a good match for you, your therapist should try and help you find someone who will be a good match. Your trust and connection with your therapist is the biggest indicator for success in therapy. Both of you should be concerned about your alliance and any good therapist will want you to find the best therapist for you!" ]

[ "I always say finding the right therapist is a little bit like dating--when you date to find the \"right person,\" you often date several people who are perfectly nice, but are just not the right fit for you. It may take several tries before you find \"the one.\" Finding the right therapist is a lot like that. You may have a therapist who is perfectly nice and qualified, but they just don't feel like the right fit. You need to find someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who \"gets\" you. They should have a clear understanding of what you need help with, and should be able to explain to you some of the ways they are going to help you. You can help your therapist give you what you need from treatment by telling them exactly what you need, and by letting them know when what they are doing isn't working for you. Clear communication is key!" ]

[ "Bravo, on your success in securing a job and also for being proactive with your need. Starting a new job can be scary and having to travel away from your home and family can make it even more anxiety provoking. Do allow yourself to be anxious about this new journey, we can be hard on ourselves, think if it was a friend that was turning to you for help, what solutions would you have offered them, but also continue to seek to secure right support as well. Talking to your physician is always a good place to start; your physician can tell you if there are organic influences causing your anxiety that may be out of your control. Additionally, talking to close or compassionate family and friends is always good. It is important that you turn to supportive people at the time of emotional need, talking about our challenges can help break the cycle of anxiety at least momentarily. Remember, to further your success, it requires a healthy self, if you have supportive relationships relying on and turning to people who can be there without judgment is great. Healthy lifestyle like eating right, sleeping enough, and regular exercise also never fails to help improve overall emotional health. Additional self-care measures such as repeated relaxation practices can help you become more familiar with your nervous systems reactivity and you can implement strategies to ease anxiety in various situations as it demands. The more resources the better you will be equipped to manage challenges and concerns at the time notice.  You can find a lot from the internet too, use your best judgment as what may not be appropriate for you there are some wonderful apps on most smartphones that can help you learn and practice grounding strategies to ease anxiety. If you have access to a therapy you find more specific strategies that would best fit your needs. Good luck, wish you a happy journey and much success.", "This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family,  and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point.", "It is brave of you to speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges. Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a MD to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you.", "Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best. As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influenced by our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us.  While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negative schemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpful strategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits. Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one's psyche." ]

[ "I hear your concern that your daughter might break under the pressure and stress that she is dealing with.  It is a good thing that your high achieving daughter is calling out for help and that you are listening.  The education system is wrought with social and emotional problems, and there is a disproportionate emphasis on test taking, scores and achievement in school.   It sounds like your daughter would benefit from some social and emotional education and learning to understand how her feelings are impacting her thoughts and behaviors.  I'd like to also assure you that crying and freaking out is a normal part of growing up.  Depending on your daughter's age, it is likely that she is going through a growth spurt and she may be feeling her feelings in a unique way to her too.  If this is the first time you are having a concern about anxiety then rest at ease and see if you can ride the emotions with her and be a stable sounding board for her.   Use empathy and compassion and allow her a safe place to process through her concerns.  Try not to solve it for her, but allow her a space to fumble through and find her own answers to the problems she is faced with.  Give her confidence that she can figure it out, and be patient as you sit with her.  Our presence is key to our children's well being.   Make eye contact with her, allow her to squirm and get frustrated and work through it while you witness her process.  As parents, when we can model calm in the storm of life our children learn that all of their feelings are ok too.  When our children see and feel our fear, it can create more insecurity and low self evaluation of their own efficacy to manage the stress.  When we can be calm and reassuring, then we can boost their confidence in their own ability to problem solve what they are going through.  Let's face it we all have irrational thinking from time to time, and usually it is when we are under stress.  If your daughter continues to show concerning anxiety, check with her school and see if she can benefit from an opportunity with the social emotional learning curriculum.  In Texas at least, schools are required to have resources for children like your daughter who are experiencing anxiety and other mental health concerns.  Her teacher is with her all day and you may request to have a conference with her to see if she can help her in any way as well.  If resources in your school are limited then I would seek an outside therapist who specializes in working with children your daughter's age.  Call around and see if she can benefit from a therapeutic relationship outside of school and home.  Once you have plenty of feedback from her teacher and a therapist or counselor then you will be able to determine if seeking medical care is necessary with their support and guidance.  Thank you for your courage to reach out for help on behalf of your daughter.  You are her greatest advocate.  I hope that you find support to help you navigate this time in her life and that you both grow and learn from this experience." ]

[ "One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as \"you NEVER listen,\" \"you ALWAYS say...\" and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with \"you\" try using \"I\" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.Best of luck to you.", "Feeling alone and/or isolated is almost always associated with being depressed. As humans, we need connection and interaction with others in order to feel satisfied. Given that you are frequently thinking about death, I highly recommend that you see a mental health professional as soon as possible to help assess your immediate needs and address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your feelings of loneliness and depression. The good news is that with proper, consistent treatment and commitment to change, things can really turn around for you. A therapist can work with you on building enjoyable activities into your daily routine, change maladaptive thought patterns that contribute to your sadness, and help with exploring what has gotten you to where you are. By learning about where your sadness originates, engaging in preferred activities, and changing your thought patterns, you should begin feeling relief from the burden of depression. What will likely result, is further opportunity to find social outlets and an increased ability to connect with others. Don't give up. Create some short terms goals that you can likely achieve and make your treatment a priority and a focus. You have already taken the first step in getting better by writing to this site. Keep on this path and believe in yourself. Best of luck to you!", "It sounds like you have been a positive support for your fiancee. There is no doubt that this situation is a great challenge for the both of you. While it may feel like you are responsible for her health and happiness, it is important that you understand that you, on your own, won't be able to resolve her mental health issues. Based on what you have explained, it sounds like she needs to get a medical and/or psychiatric evaluation. Whether or not she decides to take medication is her (and your) decision, but keeping an open mind about treatment options is important. I suggest that she see a therapist on her own in order to better understand and cope with her anxiety and depression, especially given her suicidal thoughts. You would also likely benefit from therapy, individual or couple's therapy, in order to address how you are feeling and best learn how to support her and your relationship. I wish the very best for both of you and hope that things will improve sooner than later.", "I am very sorry for the pain you are suffering. Losing the most significant person in your life is extremely painful and breakups are often equated to a death. There will certainly be a grieving process that you go through and time passing will allow the hurt to subside. With that being said, seeing a therapist is highly recommended as it sounds like continuous support may be necessary for healing to take place. Anytime sadness causes thoughts of suicide or self harm, it is important to get help immediately. A therapist can help you by validating your feelings and what you are going through, while also working with you to move through the grieving process, adopt new hobbies, social outlets, and goals for your future. While starting over and trying out new ways of being may seem like a daunting task, it will only make things easier and give you a sense of hope and purpose for your future. With the new year right around the corner, this could be viewed as a good time and opportunity to get reaquainted with yourself and set goals related to living a more fullfilling life. Hang in there. With a support system in place and a healthy mindset, things can only get easier. Best of luck to you!", "That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of \"no's,\" tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you!", "It sounds like there are assumptions being made regarding how she feels about you and why she is with you. I would not suggest breaking up with her without first attempting to resolve your own issues. You may not only regret your decision, but might find that the exact same problem arises in future relationships. I would recommend seeing a therapist who can help you figure out what is at the root of all of this. By learning about your own insecurities and where they come from, you can expect to discover new ways of responding and relating to others, which will likely impact your relationship in a positive manner.", "It sounds like a tricky situation. If you want to maintain your friendship and continue to have regular contact with him, getting over him may not be possible. What makes it even trickier is that his actions (hugs and touching) may be misleading and are allowing you to believe that a romantic relationship is possible. Some ways in which we naturally get over others are when we fall in love with someone else or when we suddenly see the person we like in a more negative or unattractive light. If you truly want to force yourself to get over him, cutting contact or setting strict boundaries may be necessary. If you don't see him, over time you can begin to forget about him. If you set boundaries by discontinuing to allow the hugs and touches, you will not feel mislead or have the idea in your mind that he is being flirtatious or interested. It would be difficult to continue the relationship as is and expect your feelings to change. Thus, being proactive by talking to him about boundaries or cutting contact with him are two things you can do that will likely help you to get over him. Good luck!", "What exactly is it that you are looking for? Different people define themselves in different ways. For example, one person may define himself by his values and morals while another identifies herself by her personality and characteristics. Still, another person may define himself by his interests and hobbies. Learning who you are as a person can take time and life experience. At the same time, who you are may change according to what experiences you have had and how you have dealt with them or felt about them. Try viewing the journey of finding yourself as exciting and ongoing. Allow yourself to feel emotions and learn how they relate to the experiences you have. This may help you to know more about what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you want for yourself in life. Best of luck to you!", "What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is (if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper. Not everyone will always approve of the choices we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you.", "I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!", "Good for you for recognizing that a change has to be made quickly. Regardless of whether or not your girlfriend leaves your relationship, taking control of your anger needs to happen sooner than later. If left unresolved, it will follow you into any relationship you have. Have you talked to a therapist? I would suggest you take that step first. A therapist will help you explore the source of your anger and teach you new, adaptive ways of dealing with your anger. Until you're able to get some professional help, I would advise that you start recognizing when your emotions are becoming escalated and take a time out before the anger turns into aggression. If you feel yourself becoming heated, excuse yourself from the situation, go to a quiet place or on a walk, and practice some deep breathing. Clear your mind of the problem and focus only on your breathing as you inhale slowly counting to four and exhale slowly counting to six. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't work right away. Deep breathing takes practice! Return to the situation or your girlfriend only once you have calmed down and are confident that you are not going to hurt anyone. You might also want to ask your girlfriend to remind you to take a break when she recognizes that your emotions are escalating. Know that with help and support, especially from a therapist, the issues you have can be resolved and new ways of coping can be learned. Good luck!", "Taking accountability for your actions and seeking help is an excellent first step. I wonder where the anger is coming from. Learning what is at\nthe root of it can shed some light on what the problem is and can provide some\nrelief in itself. I would also suggest doing some self-exploration and see a\ntherapist for individual sessions in order to gain a clearer insight as to what\nthe cause is. There are also several actions you can take on your own to help\ncontrol your anger and communicate more effectively. Here is what I would recommend\nyou try:\nTake time outs: When you feel yourself becoming upset, excuse yourself and\ntake a time out to either think about the most appropriate course of\naction or redirect your thoughts all together. Often when we become\nangry, it is difficult to see the issue clearly, as our emotions get in\nthe way. \nDo deep breathing exercises: Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly to the\ncount of 4. Breathe out even slower to the count of 6. Practice this for about\n5 minutes, 3 times a day and focus on nothing except your breathing during this\ntime. Once it becomes routine for you, it will be easier to apply during\nsituations in which you are angry or upset.\nChange negative thought patterns: Try and recall or be aware of your\nthoughts, particularly when you are feeling angry. What are these thoughts\ntelling you? Are they valid or logical? Is there factual evidence to support\nthe negative thoughts? Often the answer is \"no.\" Learn to stop the\nnegative thoughts and replace them with logical and more positive\nones. \nCommunicate effectively: As a speaker, you want to use \"I\"\nstatements by telling the other person how you feel instead of blaming him/her\nby using \"you\" statements. For example, you might say something such\nas, \"I feel sad when you don't come home at a decent hour and I don't get\nto spend time with you\" versus \"You always stay out late and don't\neven care about me.\" The speaker should also avoid using black and white\nlanguage such as always, never, etc. As the listener, you want to validate what\nyou hear so that the other person knows that you are listening. You will also want\nto be responsive and offer fair solutions.\nI wish you luck in using these tools and learning about where your anger comes\nfrom.", "First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try to help control your anger, but the ones that I would recomend first are the following:1. Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Since arguing with them is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit. Choose a time to talk with them about \"heated issues\" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use \"I phrases\" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them. Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhale even slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.I wish you all the best!", "Sometimes we react to situations immediately, without thinking of the consequences of our actions. Typically by not reacting right away, we are better able to gather our thoughts, see the situation more clearly and from other perspectives, and respond more calmly. One of the strategies that almost always helps is deep breathing. When faced with a stressful situation, you can give yourself a time out by removing yourself from the stress and spend 5 minutes taking deep breaths (breathe in slowly counting to 4 and breathe out even slower counting to 6), while focusing and thinking only about your breathing. After doing so, think of the various ways you can respond to the situation and choose the one most appropriate. Good luck!", "Hello, It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you. Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, may cause some relief. When initiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember. Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoid using extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never). For example, you may say something such as, \"I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change\" versus \"You are never intimate with me anymore.\" Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows for more clarity and deeper explanation. Lastly, ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.Best of luck to you!", "Hello. Being unable to trust your significant other certainly can cause one to feel unsettled. Has your spouse ever done anything questionable that would cause you to not trust her? If so, then it will take time and some work to gain the trust back. Couple's counseling would be of benefit. If not, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist on your own in order to better learn where your insecurities come from. There are several possible reasons why you may be feeling insecure but without knowing them, the issue is not likely to get resolved. In the meantime, I suggest that when you're feeling upset and are unable to trust what your wife says/does, think before you speak. Ask yourself if you have valid reasons to not trust her. Instead of arguing, try and communicate how you're feeling and let her know that resolving this trust issue will be a top priority for you so that you can focus on other aspects of your relationship. Hope it all works out for you both!", "You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!", "It is always hard when we feel as if we are losing somebody close to us. Feeling sad over these losses are normal. While there may be some things you can do to remedy this situation, it is important that you try and understand that part of life is change. The fact that your brother doesn't spend as much time with you doesn't mean that he loves you less or doesn't care about you. It most likely means that he is having to split his time between different people and priorities. I suggest that you communicate with him how you feel. Perhaps, ask him if he would be able to set up times that the two of you can hang out, without anyone else present. Addionally, it wouldn't hurt for you to also find some other ways to spend your time away from him. Now might be the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or hang out with different peers. Keeping yourself distracted in healthy ways and processing your feelings of sadness will likely help with lifting your mood. Good luck to you!", "Thanks for the question. Regardless of whether or not you are sensitive, it is okay to want better communication with those who are important to you. When we feel that we are being talked down to or being ridiculed, it is difficult to not take it personally. It sounds like you have taken the first and necessary step in resolving this by bringing up the issue to him. Is it possible that the delivery of your message is causing him to feel blamed or defensive? Try communicating with him during a time when you are not upset and when it is out of context. Begin your statements with \"I\" as opposed to \"you.\" For example, you can tell him, \"I feel angry when you raise your voice at me\" instead of \"You always yell at me.\" Also, avoid using black and white terms such as never and always. Additionally, offer sugggestions as to ways that he can better communicate with you. Maybe he just doesn't know how to. Lastly, when delivering a message, I like to use the sandwich method by starting off the discussion with something postive and ending it with something postive. For example, you may say something to the effect of:\"Dad, I enjoy the discussions we share and really value your opinion. There are times that I feel angry when you talk to me aggressively. Perhaps you can try talking to me using a calmer tone when I bring up heated topics. Let's try and work on this together. I will try to be less sensitive and I am asking that you be more calm.\"I hope you find this useful!", "It is incredibly frustrating to not be trusted when you know you are doing nothing wrong. If the lack of trust on your husband's end has to do with something you did in the past, then be patient and give it time. Once trust is broken it takes time and effort to gain it back. Try seeing the situation from your husband's perspective, as often times looking at situations from different angles, gives us new understanding and insight. Remember that you can't change how he feels, but you can help him to regain the trust by asking him what he needs and responding to his needs as best you can. Seeing a couple's counselor is never a bad idea and it would also be beneficial for you and or/your husband to seek out individual therapy. There may be other unknown factors that you are unaware of that are contributing to the trust issues and inability to resolve them. Hope everything works out for you!", "It's hard to say what is okay and what is not okay, as it depends on what you and your husband feel is appropriate in your relationship. If you are feeling like you need to walk on eggshells or that you can't speak your mind and say how you feel, then that sounds like a problem. I would recommend having an open discussion with your husband about communication between the two of you in general. Do this during a time when there is little or no conflict and emotions are not heightened. Let him know how you feel and give him specific ideas of how you would like him to respond instead of saying, \"enough.\" Additionally, try and see his perspective and understand why he shuts you down. Perhaps, he feels like he is being told what to do constantly or that he gets little positive feedback from you. An open dialogue about how to discuss issues going forward will likely help. Seeing a couple's therapist will also greatly assist with teaching better communication skills and seeing if there are underlying issues that need resolution. Best of luck to you guys.", "Depending on your area and location, there may be therapists who provide services on a sliding scale. Additionally, churches will often times offer counseling for free or for a small fee. I suggest doing a simple Google search and contact therapists in your area. It never hurts to ask for a reduced fee and even if he or she is unable to provide the service, they may be able to refer you to someone who can.", "Thanks for your question. Becoming a good listener is an essential piece in being a better communicator. Being an effective communicator will almost always improve the quality of your relationships. What stands in your way of listening to her? Do you find yourself becoming defensive when she brings up issues? Do you often find yourself thinking of what you want to say next? Do you take her words personally, preventing you from having the ability to problem solve?Here are some tips that may help you with being a better listener:1. Concentrate on what you are hearing, not on what you will say next.2. Ask questions if you need clarification or don't understand.3. Summarize what you're hearing after every couple of minutes to make sure that you're not missing anything.4. Ask your partner what she needs from you. Is she expecting advice or does she simply need to vent?5. Keep eye contact and avoid using non-verbal cues that demonstrate defensiveness or irritation such as eye rolling or crossing your arms.6. Remember that it's okay to disagree and, if this is the case, then decide as a team, how you want to move forward.I hope this helps. Good luck to you!", "First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by presenting options that he has and help him weigh out the pros and cons of his decision, but ultimately he has to decide what to do. Know that you won't be able to heal the pain he feels when his girlfriend leaves but you can be a friend to him by simply listening, validating his feelings, and understanding. Regarding your question about being there for him without wanting to hook up....I'm not sure if that is possible. If you care for him on more than a friendship level, then that desire will likey be there for you no matter what. Be careful that you take care of yourself and don't jeopardize your own happiness while trying to help him with his issues. Good luck to you!", "It sounds like there is a bit of confusion regarding how you two feel about each other. Do you know what type of relationship you want with him? A friendship only, casual dating, or an exclusive relationship? I would encourage you to first figure that out and then communicate to him how you are feeling. Ask him to be honest with you about how he feels and what he wants from your relationship as well. Be mentally prepared for a variety of responses from him so that there are no major surprises. By clearing the air and learning what your own and each other's desires are, you can then move forward with a plan. Without that clarification, there will likely be false assumptions, unanswered questions, and confusion.", "It is extremely frustrating when our significant other doesn't understand our points of view. Often times, arguments are not the best opportunities to try and make a point, as strong emotions can get in the way of understanding others' perspectives. Try having a discussion with him about what is bothering you during a time when neither if you are upset or arguing. Communicate how you feel without placing blame and without yelling. Addionally, give him ideas of what he can do differently so that he understands what your expectations are. Lastly, consider seeing a couple's therapist who can assist with teaching more effective communication techniques. Best of luck.", "I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression to some degree. Have you seen a therapist or talked to anyone about your problems? If not, I would advise that you do so sooner than later so that you can learn what is causing you to be unmotivated and causing difficulty with breaking the cycle that you are in. It is also a good idea to get a medical evaluation from your doctor to rule out any medical causes for your current condition. Most often, difficult situations that life throws at us, along with an inability to think positively, and break bad habits are what cause depression. Some things you can do immediately are seek help from a professional, schedule in time every day to engage in pleasurable (or once pleasurable) activities, exercise daily, and practice thinking more positively. Set a few daily goals for yourself and write them down each morning or the night before. Achieving your goals every day will give you a sense of accomplishment and can lead to feeling more optimistic and capable. Additionally, keep a journal to write down how you are feeling and what ideas you have to help feel better. Sometimes having these ideas written down make it more real and tangible. Know that depression is most often curable but takes work and a desire to change (which you clearly have). Once you start feeling better about yourself and your life, your grades should naturally begin to improve, as you will have more motivation and energy to focus on that particular area. Best of luck to you!", "I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist)\nwill be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change,\nimprovement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level\nof commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of\nproblems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are\nsome of the key ways that therapy can help. \n1. Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer\nunderstanding of where it originates. Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are\nexperiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use,\npanic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often\ntimes, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a\ntherapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where\nthey come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their\nproblems. \n2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent.\nNot everyone likes to share their problems with close\nfriends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws.\nMaybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just\nare not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do\nnot have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no\nfriends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief\nit is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and\nemotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in\nwhich one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling\njudged.\n3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions.\n\nA good therapist usually will not directly point their\nclient in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and\nteaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies\nthat will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help\nclients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on\nthe client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option\nthat best fits with their desired outcome. \n4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future\nproblems.\nMany individuals that seek therapy have never learned\ngood coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to\nmodel productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are\noverbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses\nrequire different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any\nindividual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques,\nbreathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness,\nimproving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive\nthought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools,\nwill often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further\npractice and mastery of the skills." ]

[ "You have to feel listened by someone emphatic and compassionate who is willing to make a therapeutic plan from the beginning and explain to you what are the most suitable therapeutic approaches for you. Based on each person needs this can be done working hand in hand and making certain agreements on the plan. Goals should be considered and the therapist should support you in achieving them and keep an eye on the progress and obstacles you've encountered. You can't \"train\" someone in offering support for your needs , you can ask specifically what you're looking for and see if that person can meet your expectation. Hopefully this answer will be helpful ! Best wishes !" ]

[ "Impostor syndrome is such a common experience in graduate school and other high-pressure, competitive settings. I am glad to hear that you have some sense of your accomplishments, but I understand that it can be quite hard to internalize and truly believe them. Here are a few suggestions for overcoming impostor syndrome:Check your standards. Impostor syndrome is often connected to perfectionism, and you may be holding impossibly high standards for yourself. Do you believe you need to know everything, excel at everything, or be liked by everyone in order to succeed in graduate school? If so, nothing you accomplish will ever measure up to your ideals. Try shifting your focus away from achievement and onto development: what are you learning about yourself and your research, and how are you growing as a person and a scholar? This can help you appreciate yourself as a work in progress -- which all of us fundamentally are.Own your uniqueness. It can be easy to compare yourself to peers based on number of publications, fellowships, conferences, etc. But you are not a number. You are the only person in your program with your specific background, interests, and point of view. The more you own what makes you special and distinct from others, the more you're likely to feel that you have something to contribute to your program and to your field.Celebrate your successes. Positive psychology has demonstrated that we can retrain our minds by paying more attention to positive information. I recommend keeping a success journal and jotting down anything (large or small, concrete or abstract) that you feel proud of. Aim to make a few additions a day to it. You may find that through pointing out these daily victories to yourself, you start to accept more positive feedback and believe in yourself in a deeper way.Talk to trusted peers and mentors. Impostor syndrome flourishes in silence. If you have an advisor or colleague you can open up to, you will likely find that this person has experienced similar feelings, and that can be tremendously reassuring, because it shows you that impostor syndrome is a common phenomenon, not a manifestation of your inner unworthiness.A therapist can be an excellent resource on your graduate school journey to help you examine, challenge, and let go of your self-doubts. I wish you the best of luck in graduate school and beyond!", "I always recommend that people have a brief phone call with a few potential therapists before deciding to meet one in person. Tell them a bit about whatever is going on with you, and then ask them how they would approach those issues. This should give you an initial sense of how comfortable you feel around them. Do they make you feel heard and understood? Do they give you a sense of relief and hope? These are some questions to consider in that very first phone call, and ones you can continue to ask yourself once you select a therapist and begin working together. There are certain issues that benefit from specific treatments (e.g. Exposure and Response Prevention for OCD) but in most cases, the therapeutic relationship is the biggest influence on how much improvement clients will experience, so it's essential that you get the feeling this is someone you can trust and someone who genuinely cares about you.If you're not getting what you need in therapy, I would encourage you to offer that feedback to your therapist. Therapy is a collaborative process and requires your input. Your therapist should be able to take your feedback constructively and help you consider ways those needs could be met. This might mean changing tack in terms of therapeutic approaches, addressing something in therapy that is getting in the way, or even referring you to someone who has different expertise. Please know that most therapists welcome these kinds of conversations -- our primary aim is to help you feel better!", "There's a reason why I tell all of my clients that I have a lifetime supply of tissues in my office! Yes, it is completely normal to cry in therapy. Many of us go through our days trying to hold it all together, keeping our emotions inside so that we don't have a meltdown in the grocery store or a business meeting. Therapy is a safe place to let those feelings out, which means that we see a lot of tears in our work. Therapy can also involve confronting difficult experiences from our lives that we've been trying to ignore or suppress, which can lead to emotional outpourings. A competent therapist will be able to support you safely through this process so that you can move forward with your healing. We therapists are trained to bear compassionate witness to the full range of human expression. So please feel free to let those tears flow in therapy!" ]

[ "It sounds like you are having some pretty severe depression. Depression can cause insomnia, and make a person focus on their own perceptions that they are \"worthless\". It is important to remember that other people may not truly perceive you as worthless. This is the depression talking.  I think that it is extremely important when you are this depressed, to sit down and write down some positives about yourself. What are your strengths? What are some positive things that your have done in your life? It concerns me that you are having suicidal thoughts. It sounds like now is the time to act on the idea of getting some help for yourself. If you feel like you might actually take your life, I would recommend that you go to a hospital emergency room, or a mental health crisis clinic right away to get some help. The most important thing right now is to keep yourself safe. If you are feeling like you are not going to hurt yourself despite your suicidal thoughts, I would recommend that you focus on finding a therapist as soon as possible. I don't know what your situation is in terms of insurance. The back of your insurance card should inform you how to obtain mental health services. There are also low cost services available with such places as Catholic Charities, and others. Your local county mental health agency should be able to refer you to some appropriate places. Good luck. Remember to identify your strengths, and the good things about yourself.  Marie" ]

[ "<!--\n\n /* Font Definitions */\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-font-charset:78;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;}\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:\"Cambria Math\";\n\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}\n\n /* Style Definitions */\n\np.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\n\t{mso-style-unhide:no;\n\n\tmso-style-qformat:yes;\n\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\n\tmargin:0in;\n\n\tmargin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\n\tfont-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n\n.MsoChpDefault\n\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\n\tmso-default-props:yes;\n\n\tfont-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n\n@page WordSection1\n\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\n\ndiv.WordSection1\n\n\t{page:WordSection1;}\n\n-->\n\n\nFirst off, let's start with really\nvalidating the potential emotional pain you are feeling right now. There is\ngenerally no lack of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger. These are\nall normal emotions and being allowed to feel them is the beginning of the\nhealing process. It might be helpful to talk about these feeling with your fiancé,\na friend or a counselor.Now to get to your primary question.\nCan a relationship move past infidelity? The short answer is yes. A bit longer\nof an explanation is that is sounds like you and your fiancé had pieces of a solid\nfoundation to base a relationship on. For many couples they encounter a primary\nchallenge, sometimes that's money, or parenting and for some it's sexuality. If\nyou and your fiancé are both committed to balancing the positive aspects of your\nrelationship while improving the challenges than it's definitely possible to\nmove past this. This is not an easy process and for many couples takes months\nor years of healing while engaging in relationship counseling. Good luck to you and your continues\nhealing and growth!", "I work with many couples that experience a wide range of sexual and relationship challenges. The one aspect I tell many folks that I work with, is this: Every person and relationship is different. There really isn't a \"normal\" amount of sex a person should have or want to have. If having sex 4 to 5 times in the course of your relationship is satisfying to you and your husband, there is nothing wrong with it. If you or your husband would like to have sex more often, I suggest talking with a counselor about this to find ways to engage in a sexual life in which you are both satisfied. The aspect of connectedness is an important one. While sex can be very connecting for many couples, it isn't the only way to connect. I find that communication about the matter of frequency of sex, checking in to see how you and your husband feel, as well as communicant about your needs for connection are an important start to fulfilling this need.", "<!--\n\n /* Font Definitions */\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-font-charset:78;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;}\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:\"Cambria Math\";\n\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}\n\n@font-face\n\n\t{font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\n\tmso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}\n\n /* Style Definitions */\n\np.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\n\t{mso-style-unhide:no;\n\n\tmso-style-qformat:yes;\n\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\n\tmargin:0in;\n\n\tmargin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\n\tfont-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n\n.MsoChpDefault\n\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\n\tmso-default-props:yes;\n\n\tfont-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"ＭＳ 明朝\";\n\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;\n\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n\n@page WordSection1\n\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\n\ndiv.WordSection1\n\n\t{page:WordSection1;}\n\n-->\n\n\nLet's just start with being real. Expressing\nyourself is vulnerable, and being vulnerable is hard. It takes courage and work\nto be vulnerable. My guess is that you have been shown in your lifetime that\nbeing vulnerable (ie, expressing yourself) is unsafe. My assumption would be\nyou have been criticized, or ignored when you have expressed yourself in the\npast, it has taught your emotional self to simply not do it again. This is a normal\nprotective mechanism that you have used to cope with past feelings of hurt. It\nwill take time and work to engage again in an emotional way.I would start my practicing and\nidentifying how you feel to yourself. Check in with yourself multiple times a\nday to gage where you are at emotionally. After you feel you have a good grasp\non this, start to engage in emotional conversations with others. Choose others that\nfeel safe to you, a good friend that knows you well, or a sibling or family\nmember. Expressing yourself is a behavior that you have suppressed out of\nprotection, so you can choose to engage in safe emotional expression behaviors\njust the same. Best of luck!" ]

[ "For starters, know that this is a normal experience for many men at some point in their lives. While this can certainly cause some embarrassment, a diminished sexual esteem or relationship problems, it is important to know you are not alone. I am going to move forward assuming that you have already checked with a medical professional to rule out any medical problems that may be related to this. Assuming that is the case, for most this happens for two primary reasons. It is either a short term biological shortage of blood flow to the penis. This can be caused my diet, lack of exercise, even stress. Another primary reason for loss of erections are anxiety. Have their been recent relationship issues? Are you feeling as though you aren't satisfied in the bedroom? These are just a few aspects that can cause subconscious anxiety and loss of erection. My suggestion to you would be to seek out a counselor that specializes in sexuality that can assist you in moving forward with this.  Best of Luck!", "As a relationship therapist I work with couples all the time that are in the repair phase of their relationship after infidelity. The short answer to this, is not only is it possible to have a satisfying and fullfilling relationship after infidelity, it happens more often that we may know. The current rate of infidelity is high, while it's not important to go into many reasons, it mau be important to know you aren't alone in this! My biggest suggestion for you would be to seek out a professional counselor that specializes in working with couples healing from infidelity. Best of luck!" ]

[ "Are you a teen?  This is a really hard problem for more teens (and adults) than let on.  When I was about 15, I remember asking my parent's friend, Herman, whether life gets any easier when you get older.  He said the problems are actually harder, but you gain the ability to deal with them better.  I've been an adult a long time now, and that is so true. If you need someone to talk to, consider a teacher or a school guidance counselor or someone you respect, maybe in church.  If they're good and they don't know how to help you, they may know how to get you to someone who can.  Also, the idea of not being \"good enough\" is a common psychological event.  In CBT it's called a \"core belief,\" but I call it a \"core lie\" in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human.  If you are serious about changing yourself, read about it  at www.LivingYes.org and pick up a copy there or on Amazon.  I hope this was helpful.  The future is filled with possibility if we don't prejudge it!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "A PTSD diagnosis requires an event which occurred at least 6 months prior to the symptoms.   Depression is a common symptom of PTSD, but depression can come from many other sources as well.  In the end, diagnoses are systems of behavioral labels.  If you believe that one label (PTSD) is worse than another (Depression), you are creating a false hierarchy.   Consider consulting a CBT therapist, such as the fine clinicians listed in AcademyofCT.org.  You may also want to look at my book, Living Yes, for many ideas about challenging your thinking and improving you mood. www.LivingYes.org. I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Did you take the medication the way the psychiatrist prescribed it?  Did you follow up with her/him to report how it was going?  Different medications work differently with different people.   It's not always the first one that helps.  And some of the medications take some time to have an effect.  Give the doctor the chance to help you. I suggest you find a certified CBT therapist to help you examine your thinking.  www.AcademyofCT.org has listings of the finest CBT clinicians.  In the meantime, do some \"anxiety fasting\" by taking a few minutes to do something nice for yourself right now.  I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Many people generate intense anxiety with obsessive thinking.  While the nature of your obsession about the afterlife and eternity appear very powerful and unique to you, the pattern of obsessing about one thing/area is common.  I suggest that you consider counseling to help you with your anxiety.  If you are so inclined, there are also medications which may bring relief.  Obviously, I can't diagnose you from one paragraph, so it would be wise to visit an experienced mental health professional (either a counselor or an MD in your area) to help you with disengaging from your self-destructive thoughts.  CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a very effective counseling approach for obsessive thinking.  If you'd like a see a top notch CBT therapist, visit www.AcademyofCT.org.  And of course I suggest you pick up my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, which includes CBT concepts and many more tools which will help with obsession and anxiety.As for believing yourself \"insane\" (or \"crazy\") this is not a mental health term but a legal one (or a slang).  So as long as you don't commit a crime, no professional can legitimately call you insane or crazy!Take it slow!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Interesting:  How much of your issue is your own self-judging and how much of your perception is real?There are many ways to stop judging and self-judging using Cognitive Theory (CBT).  You could find a (CBT) counselor/ therapist to help you reduce your judgments.  In addition, I've written extensively about this in my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN (www.LivingYes.org).  I recommend you visit the webpage and pick up a copy.As to your own perception:  You seem okay being who you are, and your girlfriend agrees.  Instead, you appear to be upset by your own guess at what others may be thinking. That's a trap that stresses a lot of folks out.  Consider this:  Many happy people don't mind what others think of them.  And consider this:  Many heroic characters in literature and movies are unlikeable.  (\"Colombo\" is annoying and bothersome, but we love him.  So is Johnny's Depp's Jack Sparrow and many of the roles played by George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, and Jack Nicholson.)  Would it be okay with you to be an \"antihero\" in your own life?  If you don't want to be an antihero, you have the power to be the person you want.  Your behaviors and thoughts are completely under your control.  What other people think of you is not under your control.  You are completely in the driver's seat here.  The choices are all yours.  Enjoy who you are, and use your will power to make yourself who you want to be!  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Overwhelming fear, social anxiety and depression are especially painful because they make behaving constructively a challenge.  But there are also lots of examples of folks who have successfully worked their way through this.  So there is hope!   In addition to the suggestion to visit your doctor (who may prescribe a medication to help you relax), there are many social service agencies who provide free counseling or take medicaid.  A good CBT therapist will help you look at your thinking so that you may see how you are distorting your thoughts.  Behavior is also important.  Despite how you may feel: it is helpful to go out, to do things that relax you (maybe a yoga class or a meditation class?).  Exercise. Diet. Eat well. Think back on the things that you used to do that helped in the past, and force yourself to do these things again.  I know that this seems hard, but it beats the alternative, doesn't it?  Of course, I recommend you pick up a copy of my book, Living Yes, which will help you look at these and other ideas to help you out.  I hope you get unstuck soon!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "While not wanting to be alone may not be the best reason to be in a relationship, it is probably more common and normal a reason than you think.  Since you seem to care about your friend (\"don't want to hurt him\"), I imagine there are many other reasons that you are together.  I suggest that you talk about this open-heartedly with each other.  The idea of being afraid of being alone sounds like an honest starting place.  Don't try to \"figure out\" whether you should be with him.  Just talk.  The communication is likely to shine light on deepening connection for BOTH OF YOU.In the meantime, your idea that you don't deserve him is rooted in a \"core lie\" that you are telling yourself.  You can read about \"core lies\" and much more in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human.  Check out www.LivingYes.org.Be easy on yourself.  You are deserving!~Mark", "You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem.  (Are you creating one?)  Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices.  Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace.   This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love.  If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness.  This is a great problem to work through!  It is indeed a very spiritual question.  Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Perhaps more dreaming means that you are making use of your mind to solve problems.  I find that change states, while sometimes difficult, are very exciting.  They give you opportunity to grow more rapidly.  So I say: \"congratulations!\"  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "This seems like two questions.  The first is what may have happened to prompt him to back off.  The second is what it means to you to have a boyfriend who takes anti-depression medication who says he has \"a lot on his mind.\"  Both give you opportunity to look at yourself.  Having expectations can be a huge trap.  I write about this extensively in the first chapter of my book Living Yes (www.LivingYes.org).  Is there any way that you can enjoy your time together without expecting anything down the road?  Are there wonderful lessons for you to take from the relationship - even if it only lasts three weeks?  Can you create a mindset of gratitude for what is and let the future expectations (and future demands) go?  Are there new ways to communicate that might bring you together?  What are the lessons for you about allowing the relationship to develop its own course on its own time?  Again, let go of all expectations, and see what happens. That's what \"Living Yes\" requires.I am sure this will work out well for you - either with him or without him.  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "Ask the therapist first.  They will either tell you how to continue with them in the new job or give you a referral.  They also will help your child with the transition.  If that fails, ask the agency where your child sees the therapist about next steps.  There's an agency director or equivalent who will probably be happy to help you. If that fails, and I hope it doesn't, consider finding a therapist on your own.  If the therapist is not helping or is behaving unethically, contact the state agency which issues the therapist's license for help and to let them know about your experience.  That will protect the next parent.  Good luck.  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)" ]

[ "I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol." ]

[ "Seasonal depression can be difficult due to the weather being a primary trigger. Understanding that we have very little control over the weather, therefore we can focus on the things we can change. Exercising, meditation, guided imagery, and deep breathing can be beneficial to combat seasonal depression. It may help to join a support group and seek out therapy to assist you on this healing journey.", "I would be more concerned with how is this being addressed in therapy. Therapy can be a rewarding process, however often times we do not pay much attention to the messages being sent to our bodies. I believe in somatic therapy which deals with our mind & body connection. I would think it may not be a question of normal or abnormal however if it is impacting you then you must pay attention to that. It would be helpful to explore the feelings you're having  with your therapist. It may be something that needs addressing to help alleviate those feelings or have a better understanding of why they are showing up when it is time for therapy.", "I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship.", "It is difficult to implement healthy boundaries when the person is a parent or family member. I would encourage you to identify how it makes you feel after talking with your mother. Work on establishing healthy boundaries where you do not feel obligated to engage the complaining daily. Maybe setting a time limit to talk with your mother and practicing how to be assertive and not disrespect or aggressive. Helping your mother understand how you feel using  \"I\" statements  i.e  ( I feel _____ when you call to talk about my sister). Maybe asking your mom how can you be supportive of her during this time other than listening to her vent. It may also be helpful for your mother to get connected with support groups to help her cope with this life change." ]

[ "Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, our thoughts about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and white thinking (if it's not perfect, it's terrible), mind-reading (I just know he is angry at me) and can't-standitis (I can't stand this situation). There are more, but the list is long, and if some of these are resonating with you, I would advise looking up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) tips, worksheets, booklets etc. on line, or contact a local CBT therapist. Another helpful piece of info on anxiety, is that it is prone to something called \"symptom stress\" - being anxious about anxiety. If we could hear this symptom stress it might sound like, \"Oh no I'm getting nervous about this, I'm getting uptight, I look nervous, what if I have a panic attack!\" followed by  more cognitive distortions such as \"I can't stand being anxious!\" and \"this is horrible!\" The antidote to this is acceptance.  Kind of like not stopping the waves but learning to surf instead (Jon Kabat-Zinn). If you happen to feel anxious, say to yourself - this is just a reaction I'm having that is unpleasant, but not horrible. I can tolerate and survive some anxiety, I can breathe deeply, and I'll be OK because panic attacks never killed anyone. I can stand this and it is temporary. You get the idea.We can increase our awareness of anxiety-provoking self-talk, and counteract it with calming and reassuring self-talk. We have the ability to think about our thinking, decide which thoughts are healthy and which are unhealthy, and choose which to focus on. We brainwash ourselves with our thinking, and according to self-perception theory, \" we learn what we believe when we hear ourselves speak,\" so we may as well be a calming, reassuring presence in our own minds. :)", "Sometimes we make ourselves feel worse with our own thoughts about things we can't change. We know that it is possible to overcome embarrassment and self-blame, but why does it seem so difficult to overcome it sometimes? If you tune into your own thoughts, or your \"internal dialogue\", you'll notice that your thoughts are connected to your feelings. So people who are holding onto embarrassment and self-blame often have thoughts like, \"How could I do that?\", \"I looked so stupid!\" \"Now people saw things I did not want them to see!\" If we tune in more, we might notice we are thinking that this is terrible, horrible, and that we cannot deal with it. These are self-sabotaging thoughts that lead to shame, self-blame and embarrassment. If you look at the evidence, you can find more rational thoughts such as, \" We all make mistakes\", \"People can look all different ways at different time - this incident does not define me!\" and \"If someone has a bad image or thought about me, it is really OK! People have all kinds of thoughts about other people, and it does not have to be a major problem.\" When you practice your rational thoughts often and replace the negative ones, you will start to feel better, more confident and your embarrassment will decrease quickly.", "Teenagers are prone to mood swings due to developmental and hormonal changes that are rapidly and intensely occurring in your body and mind - so some of this happens to many people in your stage of development. You are not at all alone.You've taken the first and very important step in regulating your moods by just identifying that you are having these intense changes instead of being completely submerged in them and unaware! The more you are able to be a witness to your emotions and thoughts, the more you can learn to manage them. Your question offers several clues for strategies that you can try - for example, identify the warning signs for becoming irritated and plan a response, such as taking a deep breath, informing the person you are becoming irritated and need some space, or find a distraction temporarily like listening to music or going for a walk. Since you are aware of blaming others for things not working out, you can proactively make a personal commitment to taking ownership or personal responsibility by just thinking about it and practicing thoughts such as \"I am responsible for my efforts\" and \"Blame is not helpful for anyone\" and other thoughts that you believe and can repeat related to this insight. When you practice thinking more rational, healthy thoughts, you are actually rewiring your brain, so practice is key!" ]

[ "Assuming there are no medical explanations for this issue, many men I've worked with on this come to see it as essentially a form of Anxiety. There is a phenomenon called the Yerkes Dodson Law (see below; source: Wikipedia), which basically states that if we feel either too much or too little stress, pressure, or nervousness about a task, it will adversely impact our ability to do carry it out successfully. The ideal amount of stress/arousal is right in the middle - not too little and not too much. This applies to more things than we might often realize - from giving a presentation, to ordering food, to making a free throw, to driving, to sexual intimacy as in this case. A common suggestion that many men find helpful is initiating open and honest conversations with their partners about this issue, and for a temporary period of time, agreeing to physical intimacy and sexual pleasure in other forms, and without the expectation of intercourse. There are many ways to go about that (which are outside the scope of this blog article), but this can be a path to connecting intimately and renewing physical bonding without unhelpful anxiety - and over time, can lead back to intimacy in all the ways that have become elusive. Best of luck.", "In our practice, many people we see have unwanted thoughts of doing harm to children - physically or sexually. As you said, these are intrusive and unwanted thoughts - not genuine desires to harm them. This is a form of OCD we often call Harm or Pedophilic OCD. What you are describing here as \"paranoia\" sounds similar to this, and is so demoralizing because you are dealing both with the distress of these unwanted thoughts and feelings, as well as the fear and uncertainty about your own character as a good person.If this is really what is going on (further assessment by the right professional would determine this), the current gold standard approach to addressing OCD is Exposure with Response Prevention - in this case, confronting the feared situations, thoughts or images on purpose, rather than avoiding them, until they lose the fear and shame associated with them.", "There's a narrative approach that we call nightmare \"rescripting\" that may be helpful.Since we can't really control the nature of our dreams while they're happening, we try to alter them while we are in a waking state.  In a nutshell, this refers to first writing out in detail the events of a recurring nightmare you have. Typically, there is an element of fear, danger or helplessness.Second, we rescript the nightmare by changing what happens in the dream in a way that engenders feelings of empowerment, control, competence, and/or safety. In other words, if the nightmare involved being pursued or assaulted, we might change the events of the story so that you call the police, get to a place of safety, or even fight back and protect yourself.Third, you can reread this new version of the dream over and over again, so that it becomes a well rehearsed story. The effect of this can make it so that the next time your mind goes towards the nightmare while sleeping, this new, more hopeful and empowering story competes with the old one and reduces the level of distress associated with the dream. Best of luck!", "There are some great thoughts offered by others here. I would just add that typically the most natural response to fearful thoughts is to want to stop, avoid, or get rid of them - which doesn't work if you're really caught up in a cycle of OCD or other form of anxiety. In the long run, the more effective thing to do is the harder and less intuitive option: to have those uncomfortable thoughts on purpose. This may mean writing out in detail what the worst case fear you are thinking of is, and then reading it over and over again until it becomes boring. It may also mean pausing through the course of the day to merely observe all the thoughts going on, and realizing that thoughts are merely thoughts. They are not the same as reality, and the unpleasant ones can become a lot less scary when we realize we can coexist with them without them coming true." ]

[ "As a general disclaimer, in any area of mental health there is no \"one size fits all\" response, as each concern addressed in therapy is unique to you and your life situation.  With regard to stress reduction, it can be useful to take an inventory of the emotional, cognitive, and physical manifestations of stress with your psychologist, and to identify the context, history, and triggers related to the stress. This can help in establishing clear treatment goals with well defined targets for stress-reduction interventions, of which there are many. Basic examples of interventions to address manifestations of stress include: cognitive reframing techniques for manifestations of cognitive stress; assertiveness communication training, activity pacing, and mindfulness meditation for emotional manifestations of stress, and good sleep hygiene and lifestyle modifications (e.g., with nutrition, exercise, etc.) for physical manifestations of stress.  This is by no means a comprehensive list of interventions, but hopefully will provide a sense of some of the options that could be available for you to work on with your psychologist." ]

[ "As a therapist and mother of four children (3 of whom are teenagers)...I hear your pain.  Raising children in our society is no joke.  Kids are under a tremendous amount of pressure from parents, peers, teachers, coaches and the list goes on and on.  Fear and anxiety can suffocate students particularly as they approach their high school years where they are bombarded with questions about their future and expected to select professions before they have even gone to college!!  I highly encourage the teens I work with to strive for balance in their lives- and we can model this for our children by how we choose to live!  Encourage your child to spend time with friends, join you for a yoga class, read a book, pick up a hobby or go out to exercise.  If your daughter continues to feel overwhelmed by stress, it would be a good idea to select a therapist for her to go speak with.  As much as we love our children, there are times where kids need to consult with a neutral 3rd party.  It can be a wonderful thing for kids to have a therapist whom they can confide in.", "Does your husband WANT to get over his drinking addiction?  Motivation is a critical component of recovery....and it can't be just your motivation!   When a loved one is immersed in their addiction, we often feel as though we have lost them.  When he is ready to get help there are a lot of wonderful programs out there including: AA meetings, SMART recovery, faith based programs and online services.  It is always a good idea to have a medical evaluation prior to making major adjustments to your drinking patterns as his body may literally be dependent on alcohol.  In the meantime, what you do have 100% control over is what you accept in your life and the boundaries you set to protect your well being.  Spend some time focusing on what you want in your life?  What are some changes you can make to protect yourself?  Maybe it's time you saw a therapist, joined a support group, engaged in a new hobby!  And...try not to \"rescue\" your husband too much!  Natural consequences can be a great thing for our loved ones that are struggling in their addiction." ]

[ "Cold climate is often accompanied by grey skies, snow and\nice. The elements along with wind, windchill and severely cold temperatures may\nlead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low energy. For some people these\nsymptoms occur each year from late fall to early spring and may be suffering\nfrom a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Whether you have\nbeen diagnosed with SAD or are finding yourself struggling with the “winter\nblues” for the first time here are some suggestions for feeling better and\nstaying healthy.1. Nutrition Most likely you have\nheard the term “comfort food.” These foods and snacks are high in\ncarbohydrates, sugar and fat. Avoid overeating cookies, cakes and candy. Chose\nvegetables, fruit and protein for snacks and plan balanced meals. If you find\nyourself wanting to eat or snack throughout the day, ask yourself why you are\neating. Are you hungry? Or Are you eating because you are bored?2. AlcoholKeep in mind that alcohol is a depressant so consuming wine,\nbeer or liquor when already feeling sad, anxious or depressed will only add to\nyour symptoms. Do not consume alcohol while engaging in outdoor activities such\nas snow removal, skiing, or ice fishing. If you find yourself reaching for an\nadditional glass of wine or beer be mindful and ask whether you are doing it\ndue to boredom. Instead of mindlessly taking another glass of alcohol, drink a\nglass of water. 3. SunlightGet\nout in the sunlight or brightly lit spaces, especially early in the day.4. Be activeIf you are unable to go to your favorite gym, exercise class\nor go for a run, find a way to stay active in your home. There are a lot of\nshort, instructional programs available on YouTube that you can follow to do\nsome gently yoga, dance, or do strengthening exercises using only your body\nweight.5.  Reach out for help\nConfide in someone you trust about how you are feeling. Do\nnot hesitate to contact a counselor if you feel that you are becoming more\ndepressed and anxious. If you experience thoughts of suicide call the National\nSuicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.", "It is not uncommon to be a bit nervous meeting your therapist (or another person) for the first time. Your therapist understands that calling and getting an appointment was a big step for you and will do their best to put you at ease. Providing a safe environment for our clients includes not judging them and being comfortable with the information and emotions that they share with us. It is ok to cry and to trust that the therapist will honor this as part of your process.", "Thank you for being an observant parent and taking the very important step toward getting help for you as well as your daughter. The period of adolescence and emerging adulthood are tumultuous times for youth ( and their parents). The pressure to fit-in, be liked, and succeed could be some of the contributing factors for your daughter's stress. I  have had many adolescent clients who do very well academically, but keep it well hidden from their peers so that they can fit in. She is still learning about herself, her abilities and how to like herself none of which are easy tasks even for adults. The academic success that you refer to only tells part of the story. As I read your statement, I got a sense of what your daughter does and that you are proud of her academic accomplishments. However, I would also want to ask her who she is as a person and encourage her to explore that with assistance from a therapist.By working with a therapist your daughter will have the opportunity to discuss her stress, fears, and focus on achievement with an objective person. As she gains a better understanding of the source of her stress and learns some stress management, she can also learn to communicate her concerns to you. I do recommend starting with a therapist rather than the doctor. If the therapist believes that your daughter's symptoms would benefit from a health exam and/or medication they will make that recommendation.", "It is very difficult to move from being the child to be the care giver as in your situation. Your mother's behavior as you describe it is a part of this disease. As the disease progresses and she is less aware of the present including her surroundings and who she is speaking to. Your response of anger and frustration are understandable. It is also a part of the grief process as you see you mother slipping away mentally. In the moment that you feel the anger step away, take some deep breathes and give yourself time to calm down. Then return to whatever you were doing with her. Caregivers of Alzheimer's patients need a lot of support themselves. There are support groups  as well as respite services available in many areas that will help you understand the process that each of you is going through. You can get more information about Alzheimer's disease and local resources by going to www.alz.org", "Therapists, regardless of the discipline (i.e. licensed professional counselor, social worker, psychologist) are expected to put the health and well-being of the client first. Each professional discipline does have a code of ethics as well as a licensing board in each state. In order to get licensed the therapist must agree to abide by the highest standards of conduct including state, local and federal regulations in addition to the code of conduct. You do have the option of reporting this person to the appropriate licencing board in your state. The other concern is if this person has unauthorized access to your credit card. If you did not give it to him or authorize use this becomes a legal matter that you can also report to the legal authorities in your city or town. Therapy and counseling are effective because professionals gain the trust of the client. Betrayal of that trust by crossing boundaries and developing a relationship outside the therapist/client relationship is hurtful. Please know that the vast majority of counselors are highly ethical individuals who put the welfare of the client first." ]

[ "You are so brave to come out and talk about your trauma! I hope it started helping you with your healing process. I think you have good instinct, often past especially past trauma can hold us back in areas we aren't even aware of since you have spent so much time trying to compensate and feel ok. It's important to continue to seek the right therapist to help you process your trauma, identify triggers and work through them. Once you start doing this hard work you will start to feel better, and it won't affect your life as much as it is today. If you are comfortable I would share what you can with your current partner, even if it's just to say that you have experienced trauma in your past. This way it will help your partner be more empathetic and understand that you are trying to work through it but it will take time." ]

[ "Change your total daily routine, different route, different lunch, different afternoon.  Sit outside for 10 minutes three times every day, use a therapy light during the day, aroma-therapy oils for stimulation, but....keep your routine bedtimes and wake up times......and exercise at least 3 times per week,  if after several weeks you are not feeling better....talk with your doctor." ]

[ "Let me first say that I am sorry you are going through this. Yes, this is a symptom of an ugly disease, but that does not make experiencing it any easier. If your mother was a sweet and understanding lady, I am sure this change in personality feels awful! On the other hand, if your relationship with her has always been difficult this can definitely open up old wounds and anger. I have walked alongside many families as they care for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease. It is unfortunately common to see mothers become cruel and mean toward their daughters. In your case, it sounds like she is not directing her anger at just you. While this may feel less personal, I am sure it makes finding supportive care for her very difficult. I have several quick tips that might help you cope with this situation. 1. Stay tuned in to your level of anger and frustration. If you can limit the amount of time you or anyone else is with your mother you can limit the caregiver burnout. It is completely NORMAL to feel what you are feeling!! However, these are the feelings that can lead to acting out and abuse when not acknowledged. It doesn't sound like this is the case for you, but healthy boundaries and exercising respite will help with your feelings of guilt as well. So, rotate care as much as possible.2. If you find yourself arguing with your mom, STOP. Don't worry, we have all been there before. No need to feel guilty, but this only serves to agitate someone. None of us enjoys being wrong and getting into an argument. For those of us who are able to logically engage with others, sometimes this type of interaction is necessary. Alzheimer's disease has robbed your mother of her logic, therefore arguing with her will only make matters worse. Try redirecting her instead. For tips on how to do this check out Teepa Snow (teepasnow.com)3. Take care of yourself and seek support. Support groups and counseling are a great way to tend to your needs during this long journey. Caregiving can be overwhelming, lonely and heartbreaking. You don't have to go through this alone. Check out Alz.org for support groups in your area." ]

[ "I would first say that those are difficult thoughts and feelings that sound exhausting. I can't image how this must feel, but I can assure you that you are not alone. These are common experiences in our society where we are made to feel as though we must \"go go go\". Especially in the current world situation, even simple things can feel overwhelming. I believe that starting with \"baby steps\" such as taking even 10-20 minutes for yourself daily to be in the quiet and reflect can be helpful. Recognizing that even small self-care steps such as drinking more water, eating healthier foods, or taking a hot bath can be helpful to relieve stress." ]

[ "Studies have shown that the most successful therapy is a result of a strong therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist. So, you want to pick a therapist that you feel a connection with and communicates with you in a way that is relatable. The fact that you're using the word \"train\" leads me to believe you're really wanting a therapist that meets your needs, and you have very specific needs in mind. But, in a therapy/client relationship neither is the trainer. It's an open, collaborative relationship with you as the client voicing your needs and the therapist learning what your strengths are, analyzing your situation, and helping to guide you on your journey offering suggestions based on their education and expertise on possibly better ways to cope. You can ask your therapist about interacting in a way that works best for you, for example just talking, or talking and taking notes, or wanting handouts and homework, using an interactive app, etc. You can also talk to your therapist about wanting a brief, solution focused approach to a particular problem. This is the model most insurance companies prefer. Say you want to knock out a short term, specific issue in 6 sessions. But, depending on the issue, on average it takes a couple of months to see improvement and some people with more chronic, complex concerns may need therapy for years. So, you see why \"train\" won't work it's really about picking someone you can bare your soul too and that you feel you want a therapeutic relationship with for the long haul while you get help tackling the toughest stuff life has thrown your way." ]