Phrogge,
I agree that their experience is also a factor in all of this.  Before I finally left the church (becoming a "none"), I'd experience a frighteningly large range of church/parish experiences.  I grew up under a gruff, Irish pastor who ran the place with an iron fist, and who delivered mainly "hellfire and brimstone" sermons (Pre Vatican II era).  When our kids were infants the parish where we lived had a pastor who would stop the mass, and call out parents with a crying child, demanding they take the child to the cry room, and then waiting to resume until they did.  I suspect we've all got our share of such stories.  But I've also seen what it CAN be, on the good end of the spectrum. The real question is why aren't there more good than bad experiences out there?

At the end of the day, I think most seek nourishment, support and community from their parish.