I do think you are fairly reasonable in your views.  And I am uncomfortable 'defending' inexcusable behaviors per se.  But as you point out, people who are innocent can be charged with DV.  Being charged should not result in sanctions before charges are proven, except to the extent a court hearing has established a sanction is justified by the evidence.  There are sound reasons to be deliberate and cautious before we act, or advocate action.  Not least of these are the injustice of sanctions on the innocent. "Safety" is also about not being at risk to sanction without due process.