You saw the ugly postings here in the article about Martin, just a week or so ago.  That's not exaggerated. That's what's out there. 

As to "don't ask don't tell" bluntly, you can make that argument when you tell heterosexuals don't wear a wedding ring, don't put a picture of your spouse and family on your desk at work, don't walk hand in hand with your spouse.  It's easy to say "don't talk" when you don't have to be the one who has to be silent.