People who are abusers tend to show a totally different side around most other people. They tend to appear kind and gentle and an all around good person. People are often shocked when they find out their best friend or family member has been accused of any type of violent crime such as domestic violence. Often times is a nasty lonely secret and the person getting hurt often blames themselves or believes the other person who promises they will change and it will never happen again. Without some type of help it will continue.