Despite the secular marketing messages, HV said in essence:  The highest form of love is total self-gift and abandonment to God and trust in God.

Splitting the gift of marital intimacy is stopping well short of that goal.

Pursuing self pleasure is also stopping well short of that goal.

The Church will never change this understanding.   Nor should it.

It needs to double down on its teaching of this noble and awe-inspiring view of marital love and marital intimacy.

I can see that you haven't dug very deep into HV yet.   Here's a prayer that you do.