Yjin, 
I neither can, nor will offer specific advice on somebody else's spiritual journey, but I can VERY much encourage you to continue on that journey.  None of us really know where our journey may lead us.  I do believe however, that making the effort to take that journey seriously is rewarding in ways at which we can only marvel.  It's worth it, abased on my experience.  It's a good part of being fully human, connected with the numinous.