LW1 - this is/was my life as well. I took the road of avoidance. And after enough years, about 20 in my case, and a lot of therapy learning a lot of techniques on how to intervene in my own emotional lift-off I've been able to return to visiting with my family. The thing is, they aren't different (even after 20 years of no contact) and never will be (unless they choose to be different). They haven't made that choice. But I have. And now when I'm in their presence I simply smile at every nasty comment and every baiting statement. A genuine smile, one from my heart not a smile from negative energy. And I smile a lot on those visits and when the visit becomes to much to bear, that's when the visit is done.  Growing up I had no control, I was too young to do anything about anything. But now? I have complete control over my decisions and I can decide when I engage and when I disengage. I choose to get fired up and I choose to relax. Took a lot of practice, but, it was worth it.