Thank goodness someone finally posted something intelligent.  And by the way, what your mother did was nothing short of reprehensible. I'm assuming that since you've been on your own, your treatment of her has reflected how she treated you all those years. Maybe you have nothing to do with her? Maybe you've repeatedly scolded her for how she used to treat you? Maybe you won't let her see the grandkids? I'm curious, has she ever admitted to the realization she was abusive? I hope you don't repeat the cycle with your kids. Your mother was surely abused by HER parents and was unable to break the cycle. Ps, I hope after you discovered she destroyed your hard-earned clothes, you went into her closet and tore up her favorite clothes! (It's not as if at that point you would have feared getting grounded since you were moving out!) This would have been therapeutic for you, and may have opened your mother's eyes to her own behavior. "A taste of one's own medicine" really works sometimes.