Yes it most definitely would be selfish to deny a parent the right to visit their daughter's graveside. For that reason and the letter writers clear immaturity the remains should be placed elsewhere. Her child died and the new wife actually thinks she has a right to object to the real parent being there when she is laid to rest. That is disgusting. I doubt this new wife has children of her own because if she did as I do she would realize how selfish and awful she sounds. If you are that triggered by the fact that he had a life before you where he was married and had children she never should have married him. Because being gracious in these circumstances is what should be expected. That ex has every right to go as often as she wants to visit the graveside. If new wife can't handle that she needs to get a grip on her narcissism or get a divorce. But the best idea is to lay the remains elsewhere since new wife is so pathetically self involved when someone else's child has died.