But we should also be able to distinguish between being provocative,  being uncivil, and being "hateful".

There is too much conflating of nuances of speech in accusations of "hate". Hate is a strong word which should not be bandied about carelessly.

One can disapprove strongly of something, and make a case for why others should, without *hating* the people involved or preaching *hate*. 

If some people cannot disapprove of something without *hating* the people involved, that is their problem, but they should not project it on others by assuming everyone else is that way.

E.g., I can hate smoke and smoking, and argue that it should be banned from public space, without hating and demonizing smokers. Some people do, insult them, are rude to them, etc. , but that has not been seen as an argument not to argue against smoking, or ban it in many places, etc.