I've met many people like you in my 26 years in law enforcement.  Every single person I took a crime report from with them as the victim didn't wake up that day thinking they'd be a victim.  If you "fear" an inanimate object that much, see a shrink.  I do know of a woman whose boyfriend used to beat her severely enough to hospitalize her.  Even after a "restraining order" (Now THERE's some protection for ya), he'd kick in her door and beat her.  She finally purchased a weapon, learned how to use it, and was able to, at last, defend herself (see, we never COULD get there until AFTER she had the crap beat out of her, as she could never call the PD DURING the beating.)  Guess she just reached the point where her "fear" of guns, was surpassed by her fear of dying...or maybe it was just the "fear" of having to pay thousands more in hospital bills.  That's just one example.  But you do, or don't do, what you "gotta".  I'll do what I "gotta."