Unfortunately, the argument Tabitha Southey is trying to make (which is a good one) is overshadowed by her shoddy journalism and arrogant writing style. Right out of the gate, she demonstrates her contempt for the reader, who she insults as being lazy, ignorant and uninformed (at the cottage instead of 'pretending to work' and not keeping up with the news), a theme she maintains throughout the article. Then, she dives into a series of analogies, idioms and metaphors that are nonsensical at best (the Scouts badges, loon/Blue Heron, San Franciscan blue newsbird) and creepy at worst ('Be Prepared to Emotionally Masturbate Their President'). No real discernible conclusion or overarching point to tie it all together at the end, though she does circle back to fellatio in the final paragraph, making it clear where her mind is at. Maybe she just needs to get out more.