The Diet Dom: Lose Weight, Feel Great, Be Healthy

I have been roller coaster dieting all of my life.  Accountability has always been an issue.   I never imagined Rev. Jon would end up being my "Diet Dom" as I started calling him as a joke.  I've learned that a Dom can show you magical bliss but he/she can also act as a life coach and teacher.  A great Dom will use his power over you for more than pleasure. He/she will use their power to better you and care for you in ways you may not be able to accept from someone else.

Healthy Goals

One day Rev. Jon asked me if I was working on any personal goals. We had a very casual conversation where I expressed my desire to take better care of myself and be healthier.   In late September I was chatting with him and told him that my work place was filled with chocolate which coworkers had brought in and how I was feeling weak and wanting to blow my healthy diet. He simply said “Don’t do it!”  It came across as a command to me and I felt it in my gut. Since that day I have not eaten a single piece of chocolate at my work.  When I look at chocolate all I can think is “Don’t do it!”
We started with the chocolate but now many of my health goals are included.   I am now taking vitamins, drinking more water, eating healthy (with one cheat day), going to the gym 5 days a week,  I’ve given up diet soda and most recently given up the Splenda sugar substitute in my coffee.  Some of these items I set the parameter for and Rev. Jon reinforces and other things he has asked me to do to support my healthy goals.


Rev. Jon does not request information from me daily but I know he may ask me about my eating or Fitbit tracking at any time. I agreed to notify him of any stumbles on my diet or exercise. This helps me be accountable and successful in reaching my goals.  He has also asked me to wear a rubber bracelet (the kind you get from charities).  If I consider breaking a goal I am to snap the bracelet to bring me out of compulsion to the awareness of my goals.


I try to be the perfect sub and follow the rules but sometimes I make mistakes. One night while out with friends on a day that was not a sanctioned junk food day I ate 4 large greasy onion rings.  I didn’t even look at the rubber bracelet.  The next morning I promptly told Rev. Jon that I blew my diet.  We had never discussed how he would reinforce my goals if I made a mistake.  I never asked because I didn’t think I would blow it.  I thought he would be disappointed and probably lecture me.



First thing he told me is that it was ok.  I had a lot of anxiety at that moment so it was exactly what I needed to hear. The anxiety comes not from fearing him but from feeling that I may have disappointed him.  He asked me several questions about the situation that led to me crashing my diet. There was no anger and no lecture.  I was asked if I was ready to know what my punishment was.  That question froze me in place and I waited for the next text to arrive. Four days without orgasm and that night I was to bring myself to the brink of orgasm and stop.

For me, since I am a very sexual person and engage in almost daily masturbation the punishment felt severe. Still I didn’t argue or plead my case.  That isn’t what a good sub does.  I kept in mind that his ultimate goal is to guide me and teach me.  It was a tough four days and during that time I couldn’t help but to ask for a reprieve. I wasn’t upset when he said no and I actually respect him more for it even though I hoped for a yes.

At the end of the fourth day I saw him.  I was anxious that my failure would be brought up and that I would feel bad about it.  In most relationships when someone fails and lets the other person down it is often dredged up over and over.

When I saw him we had short discussion and it was finished because I had successfully completed the punishment.    Sure, it may come up as a reminder but there is no emotional battering when a mistake is made.  With the right Dom/sub relationship dynamic you both move on no anger, no grudges, and no guilt.  The level of productive communication and validation is very healthy and conducive to happiness and growth for both people.

Rev. Jon reminds me of my goals and keeps me on track. I have lost  about 4 pant sizes and running three miles in less than 30 minutes.  I am healthier now than I have been in years! Even my bloodwork is reflecting the differences.  Besides the health benefits Rev. Jon adds  a fun bonus by setting challenges where I get to choose a reward for success.

A Dom can be so much more than someone who plays naughty games with you.  A Dom can offer you support, guidance, and that extra nudge no one else in your life quite has the power to do.  The goals I have reached under Rev. Jon's guidance have been on my list for several years.  Though I have chosen to surrender to Rev. Jon he empowers me as a person to reach my goals and be better than the person I was.  I am very thankful to him for the care and time he takes to help me.  I can't wait to see what I can accomplish by his side or should I say at his feet.

Mrs. Puppy

27: Swing Train, Gang-bangs and voicemail


Tangerines-DreamWe talk about "Ladies Choice" gang-bangs and the infamous "Swing train" with Brian and Tange from "Tangerines Dream".  They explain the secrets of running a fun sex party for everyone, for the newbies by making them feel comfortable.  We debate exactly how many people are needed for an "airtight".  Jon says 4, Tange has it at 6.

 We got listener questions  from Q&F, who call in to show their love for the "Neon Wand" that they got from our sponsor The Stockroom, from the infamous Miss Penzer and a from a swinging massage therapist.

This weeks recommended podcast is "The Fetish Show", which discusses sexuality and kink (Hmmm... sounds familiar 🙂 )

If you would like to read how its like from a woman's point of view to attend a gang-bang, please check out the excellent erotica article by Nemera.

Working Out Our Rules: Why We Like Being in the Same Room

bigstock-woman-s-hand-holding-a-satin-s-26363675When the Captain and I filled out our first profile on a lifestyle website we hadn't given a lot of thought to our rules yet.  One thing we knew right away was that we prefer to be in the same room.

Why might a couple in the lifestyle like to play in the same room? There are a number of different reasons:

1. The category "same room only" probably in lots of cases appeals to a certain comfort level.  Lots can happen during a sexual encounter with someone other than your partner.  Having your partner nearby within earshot and eyeshot can be reassuring. It  helps you feel safe and helps you to know that your partner is safe. Especially if we are in a new environment or with new people, this kind of reassurance means a lot to me and helps me relax.

2. Trust might influence your decision about same room or different room play.  It's a big deal for most couples to open up their relationship to sexual play with other people.  It can and often does mess with your emotions. Jealousy and insecurity can sometimes set in even with couples who are usually not jealous or insecure.

Your partner is off playing in the next room with someone else and your mind can start to wander -- What are they up to?  Is their play partner a better lover than you? Why are they alone? Isn't that kind of intimate? Playing in the same room can help keep those feelings at bay.

If you know what your partner is doing and she or he is doing it right in front of you, there is less reason for your mind to concoct all sorts of scenarios that trigger suspicion or insecurity.  The Captain and I don't normally have trust issues or need to deal with jealousy, but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that this sort of thing could sneak into the picture if we regularly started to play separately.  Of course, it is up to each couple to determine what their own emotional constitution is like and take it from there.

3.  Same room play adds spice.  Rather than thinking of same room only play as a cautious limit, we think of it more as catering to our reasons for being in the lifestyle in the first place. For us (and this is not the same for everyone), we each had fantasies of watching and being watched.  Being with other people in the same room allows us to fulfill those fantasies.  What a bonus!

As we explained in Episode 05 when we talked about different definitions, the Captain is into "hot wifing." He gets aroused when he sees me enjoying myself with others. We like to make eye contact when we're with other people. We also get into a little bit of dirty talk (okay, I'm blushing now). We can't do that when we're not in the same room, and that immediately takes away from our mutual pleasure. For us, the arousal factor increases tremendously when we're together with others.

Once at a party, I was with someone who was not comfortable playing in a group setting. He wanted to go off to a different room. I'd never done that before but I checked with the Captain and he said "okay."  So off I went, but I simply could not focus my attention. I kept looking at the door, trying to peer into the other room to see what the Captain was up to. This wasn't because of trust, but because for us, that's a big part of the fun.

We have only two rules that for the most part guide our decisions in the lifestyle.  Rule #1 is that we like to be inclusive, that is, play should involve pleasure for both of us. We both need to feel as if we are a part of the fun, not apart from it.  That usually means we're in the same room.  Rule #2 is that whatever we do, we do it to enhance our relationship and our sexual enjoyment. If one of us is not digging what's happening, or if it's having a negative impact on us as a couple, then it's not okay.

The Captain comes first for me, and me for him. When we lose sight of that, we're in dangerous waters and we need to take a step back and remember what our motives are. Yes, it's exciting to get turned on by new people and yes, that can make us silly at times. But in the end, this is not about falling for other people. We need to keep our emotional attachments in check.

We like these rules because they are not overly rigid. They allow that under certain circumstances, things we don't normally do might be permitted. For example, I spent a weekend in San Francisco a couple of months ago and he gave me a hall pass.  One condition of it was that I would come back with some hot video tape of my adventures.  I didn't capture everything on tape, but I managed to get enough to honor our agreement and stay within the spirit of our rules.

If you are in the lifestyle as a couple, you need to spend some time figuring out what you enjoy and where your comfort lies with respect to playing together and playing apart. I've met lots of people who are comfortable playing apart and lots who would prefer to play together or at least be able see and hear each other.

It's a really personal choice. For us, we found that thinking about our motivation for wanting to swing helped us get clear about why we like being in the same room.