Friday, August 12, 2011

New Facebook status updates, 8/11/11:

Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ If you ever want to feel stupid, read your Facebook status updates to someone who isn't on Facebook.
____ is frunk and on Dacebook!
____ Which is worse: The "Facebook Status Update Regret" or the "Delete of Shame"?
____ One really great thing about Facebook? You can leave for days, come back, and not a damn thing has changed.
Rude people:
____ Has never seen a "friendly reminder" email that wasn't really bitchy.
Just saying:
____ Please, don't disturb me. I'm disturbed enough.
Big words:
____ doesn't think any of you realize just how debauched I truly am.
Dumb questions:
____ loves it when the person ringing me up asks me if that's all. Nope, I'd also like all of this invisible s@#$, too.
____ thinks that the “speaking to another human being” feature of my phone has got to be my least favorite feature.
____ feels like I won if I'm not the last one to text...

____ Instead of a "like" or even a "dislike" option, I'd like to know when someone reads my status update and just shakes their head disapprovingly.
____ never plans on saying dumb things but then alcohol happens.
____ honestly doesn't care what other people think of me. As long as it's 100% love and admiration.
____ Who are all these people Facebook thinks I should know? Stranger danger!
____ can remember just a few short years ago... I had no idea what to do with all the unflattering pictures I took of myself in the bathroom. Not anymore! Thanks, Facebook!
____ My grandmother would have been VERY disappointed in many of you.
____ If arriving drunk and grazing free snacks is wrong, then maybe I don't fully understand how a school open house works.

Sidenote: Happy Birthday to my favorite STL neighbor, Maria Dugo. Why can't everybody be as selfless as you are?