Tuesday, September 30, 2003

the Hominid's disfigurement-- in progress!

Before I blather about current woes, I should note that Frank J has written a classic line:

Ask a dumb question, get a dum-dum answer. (attributed to his fictional Donald Rumsfeld)

OK... my disfigurement. Put on your Schadenfreude hats!

Yes, it appears my face has decided to leave my head. And something is slowly replacing it.

About two days ago, it seemed I had reverted to puberty and was getting some serious acne under my jaw. A few dots, like whiteheads-- itchy, irritating, nothing major. By Monday morning, Korea time, my "beard area" (hey, it's the Merck Manual's term, not mine) was completely covered in red bumps, and the irritation is now making its way up my right cheek. It's rather startling to view in a mirror... not that I was winning any beauty contests before, but anyone who knows me will notice there's been a, uh, drastic change in my appearance.

I can type this calmly and shamelessly in the local PC-bahng because I'm not generally the type to freak out. But you should know I'm also not the type to surrender myself to the dubious ministrations of Korean health care unless absolutely necessary.

So I'm trolling for free medical advice about what's on my face.

Some info for you med school types:

Plenty of whiteheads, but I somehow doubt they're normal zits. They dot the beard area and are clearly visible in the general sea of redness. The zit-free zones are bumpy and resemble a post-shaving irritation, right down to the sensitive (painful, actually; and itchy, come to think of it) skin.

The irritation/freakiness is confined to the beard area. Nothing in between nose and mouth, nothing around the mouth, nothing on the ears or (as far as I can tell) the scalp. Nothing anywhere else on my hirsute person.

Is this bacterial? If so, it doesn't seem to be spreading beyond the beard area. Is it fungal? Given what a humid mess my A/C-free hovel was over the summer, I think there may be microorganism issues, despite the cleaning. Is it viral? A quick look through the Merck Manual seemed to rule out the major stuff. IS IT LUPUS? Lupus afflicts women more often than men, but from what I was reading in the Merck Manual, this doesn't appear to be lupus. Is it simply stress? I'm wondering about this, but seriously doubt it. My mental state hasn't changed all that much in the past few months, so far as I can tell. I remain as emotionally stunted as ever.

I've been washing my face every two hours since the morning, and using paper towels to dry. The skin became hot to the touch a few hours ago, and since I was feeling feverish, I've taken some aspirin. I'm hoping that this is only something minor, but if you have advice-- or know the right questions to ask me-- write something in the comments section (cf. the Vomit Vile Vituperation link on the sidebar, after the PayPal Button spiel) or email me at bighominid@hotmail.com, putting "Hairy Chasms" in the subject line to get past the spam filter.

The irritation's driving me nuts right now. Turning my head stretches the skin, which is painful, but it's also quite itchy and I'm doing my best to avoid scratching or zit-popping (they really do look like whiteheads, not clear blisters).

Given how suddenly this problem appeared, I know my 8-year-old English student didn't see me this way last week. Boy, won't he be surprised if I'm still like this on Wednesday! Hee hee.

Ah, that reminds me-- no class on Friday, because it's a national holiday! Koreans will be celebrating Kae Ch'eon Jeol, or "Opening Heaven Day," in honor of the myth about Korea's foundation. Many also call this Tangun Day. Who is Tangun? A good link about the subject can be found here. Note that Korea's foundation myth contains an element of stern religious practice, and the tiger turns out to be a real pussy.

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