Wednesday, February 03, 2021

Face-Lift 1412

Guess the Plot

The Wearable Wolf

1. Old Man Farragut has long had the hots for Red Riding Hood's Grandma, but she's more interested in bad boy types than a wuss like Farragut. Will he win her over when he shows up at her house in his wolf costume?

2. Susan was walking in the woods when she discovered a discarded wolf skin. Not thinking much of it she brought it home. Now some guy is knocking on her door saying he is now her husband. Can she get rid of him before he eats her out of house and home?

3. Being killed and skinned hasn't stopped Lyle from being a were or hitting on the ladies. Only now, instead of doing it in style, he's a fashion accessory. 

4. Suzee Swank -- star of the slopes and darling of the apres-ski scene -- never goes out without her signature wolf's-fur parka. Most people think it's a fashion statement, but in reality it's Suzee's sidekick, Wolfboy, who springs off her shoulders and into action whenever a criminal mastermind happens to turn up at a snowy resort or chalet -- which is surprisingly often. 

5. Joan Carson, consultant fashionista, is "The Wearable Wolf". If you can get her to dress you, admiring gasps will follow wherever you go. If you're a teenager trying to impress at the prom even though you don't have a date, or an aging star trying to recapture the adulation you can't live without, the Wearable Wolf's art is guaranteed to make your dreams come true. But -- is the lupine artist's price too high to pay?

6. While developing a nature exploration VR game, Tom Thompson becomes trapped inside his avatar, a gray wolf. What's worse, he's transported to a parallel world of talking animals, elemental fairies, and environmental exploitation, where he becomes the eco-avenger known as The Lupinator.

7. John Fourier has a problem. His invention, a wearable suit that harnesses the lunar cycle and gives humans werewolf powers, offends the actual werewolves of Boston. They've marked their territory, and it looks like there's going to be one heck of a dogfight.

8. River & Shield's fur-covered condom is designed to let your beast howl at the moon. When animal rights activist Guadalupe Blanc learns the fur isn’t synthetic, she and her ‘wolf pack’ break into the lab to free the wolves. But it seems other experiments are being conducted here...

Original Version

Dear [agent] 

I'm sending you this query for THE WEARABLE WOLF, with # of pages attached as requested by your guidelines.  I appreciate your time and effort in reviewing it. THE WEARABLE WOLF is a [paranormal thriller?] of about 115,000 words.  It is a standalone novel, although I have two more books in mind to follow it. [Lose the first two sentences, and put the other two at the end of the plot summary.] 

Graduate student John Fourier has plenty on his plate with classes in Transformations and Necroptics at an elite engineering institution.  He'd love to be able to harness the lunar cycle for small-scale practical magics, which he believes could have saved his younger sister from an early death.  But some of the city's werewolves are threatened and offended by what they see as John's meddling in their revered relationship with the Moon, and a few may be willing to kill him for it.  [Having looked ahead, I believe "John Fourier has plenty on his plate" works better as the start of the next paragraph, which lists a lot of stuff on his plate. In fact the two items on his plate in this paragraph (school and unhappy werewolves) are among the items listed in the next paragraph.]

There’s the Free City werewolf pack, who’ve transformed on the Boston Common since the Colonial era and prize their tradition above new technology.  There’s the Leominster Investment Group, who want to use John’s inventions to take power for themselves.  And then there’s the normal stressors of graduate school -- Necroptics Lab, keeping one’s advisor and one’s girlfriend happy at the same time, the varying tolerances of roommates, and finding enough to eat.  Over it all, the mysterious figure of the Laughing Dog, the goddess Coyote, watches and plays games of her own.  It’s almost enough to make one go back to architecture school, but John is a graduate student, and that means he's ready to take on any establishment to see his research through. 

I (PhD neuroscience, 1998) am a successful survivor of graduate school, and minored in the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins University.  I have previously edited a college SFF literary magazine, published science fiction and fantasy poetry and short stories, and been an invited reader and panelist on topics lycanthropic at science-fiction conventions.  I have taught experimental design to wearable-technology engineers, practiced Aikido for decades, and several times prayed to the Moon. [I'd cut the bio down to this:

My PhD in neuroscience and my experience teaching experimental design to wearable-technology engineers brings credibility to the book's science. I have published science fiction and fantasy short stories and been an invited reader and panelist on topics lycanthropic at science-fiction conventions.]


Basically, your plot summary is a list of the obstacles your main character faces in his quest to . . . prevent early deaths while earning his degree? Rather than list obstacles, focus on the main one, which is that some werewolves don't want humans horning in on their act. That'll leave more room to tell us . . . what happens in the book. Here's a possible opening paragraph:

When John Fourier invented the "wearable wolf," a contraption that gives the wearer such werewolf powers as rapid healing and physical strength, he wanted to help people like his sister, Liz, who died too young. He had no idea his project would offend anyone, least of all the Free City werewolf pack, who've been transforming on the Boston Common since the Colonial era, and prize their tradition above new technology. And some of whom are willing to kill anyone who meddles in their revered relationship with the moon. 

Now there's room to switch to present tense and tell us about the leader of the opposition werewolves foiling John's plans by kidnapping his girlfriend and demanding he shelve his project and replace it with a wearable bat to give humans vampire powers. (Just a guess. Did I get it right?)

We do need to know what he's up against, but we also want to know what he does, what goes wrong, how he plans to deal with it.


Mandakinz said...

I agree with EE (naturally) about focusing on a main obstacle, and what John's plans are does to deal with the obstacles. You mention having 2 more books in mind, so hopefully EE is right and one of the sequels is about the vampire bats.

At the high risk of sounding clueless, I was confused about Transformations and Necroptics classes. Are these classes for werewolves or are they real classes an advanced PhD science/engineering student would take? Having capped off my math and science courses with Algebra II and Intro to Chemistry, I can only guess at what goes on in the upper echelons.

They sound like Werewolf classes, but John is a human (right?) so I didn't understand why he would be attending. Unless, he's a werewolf too but he wants to create a way for werewolves to harness their power without relying on the moon's cycle?

The end of the sentence says 'elite engineering institution'. Maybe naming (Werewolf U vs Johns Hopkins) would be a concise way to give extra information about the setting. A graduate student attending Werewolf U is a different story than a grad student at Johns Hopkins who discovers werewolves are real and gets on their bad side. In the query, John doesn't seem to surprised to discover that werewolves are real. So again, I'm thinking Werwolf U, but then again, I'm not clear on why he's in those classes.

I really like the idea of harnessing lunar power and the conflict against the "traditional" werewolf culture. I'm sure the scenes with the 'traditionalists' are really fun.

It's also kind of refreshing to have an adult protagonist, since werewolves, monsters, etc often seem to run along YA lines. I also like that the protag is a bright science student. I love smart characters. I imagine you've injected a little sci-fi into a paranormal.

I had the impression that your book and your writing has a sense of humor to it - like the line about architecture school and finding enough to eat. I don't think the letter explains the plot very well, but the tone gives me confidence that the book is probably fun.

I hope this comment is helpful to you! Good luck!

J.M. said...

I'd provide a few explanatory words about that "elite engineering institution." Yeah, it's evident from the syllabus that it's not MIT or CalTech, but I need a little more world-building. Is this like Hogwarts except it's located in plain sight? Does everyone in Boston know about it? Does John's henpecking girlfriend know he's a wizard? I'm not too crazy about her, btw. John is passionate about researching a possible technology that could have prevented his sister's death, and gf is stressing him over his dedication to it rather than her?

Apparently "the Laughing Dog, the goddess Coyote" are the same being. I think "the goddess Coyote" would be enough for the query; if she has another appellation, it can come out in the book.

St0n3henge said...

It's really wordy. Everything a normal student might face doesn't need to be in here since we already know that roommate/dorm mate troubles and living on ramen are things students face. Basically, tell us what we don't already know.

Anonymous said...

The 'elite engineering institution' confusion might be cleared up by either listing it as an 'elite institution of magic and engineering' or by giving the degree John is working towards (e.g. a doctorate in magical engineering)

The list of suspects format works well for mysteries and sometimes thrillers, but then the third item on the list is an additional list of more generic sounding obstacles. And there isn't really a crime/potential crime mentioned other than a vague 'may be' willing to kill the MC. If someone does try to kill the MC, even if it's a very suspicious accident, or steal the tech or whatever, a few details about the event would help the query.

In addition to John's goals, obstacles, and plans, the stakes need to be clear. As in EE's suggested paragraph, it would help to know what John's invention/research actually does (or at least what kind of power the mcguffin can give an investment group) in addition to who it's offending. It might also help to know why/how other people know about it--graduate work frequently doesn't make it into the eyes of the general public.

Good Luck