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These Are The 4 Thoughts That Fuel Anxiety The Most

And how to banish them.
PHOTO: Getty Images


But one of the keys to managing anxiety is understanding how it works, and therapy offers a chance to do this. One such therapy, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), is a form of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). REBT follows the philosophy that it's not the events in life that disturb you, but what you tell yourself about those events that disturbs you.

Daniel Fryer is a psychotherapist and author who's experienced in the field of REBT, and having practiced it for some time he believes in its ideology. "According to REBT, there are four unhealthy beliefs that lie at the heart of almost any form of anxietyand four healthy equivalents that would help you to remain calmer," he explains.

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Negative thought #1: Dogmatic demand

"This is the first thought that fuels anxiety. It's a rigid belief that disturbs you. Here, it is the absolute expression of a desire to make a good impression (I must make a good impression). It's so rigid that it does not allow for the inevitable (sometimes you won’t make a good impression) and all it does is disturb you. It makes you anxious and less likely to make a good impression."

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Turn it into: flexible preferences

"This is where you state what you would like to happen, but also accept that it doesn't have to happen (I would prefer to make a good impression, but I don't have to make one). This way, you would be worried, but not anxious and, therefore, more able to come across well."

Negative thought #2: Doing a drama


Turn it into: possessing perspective

"In REBT, this is known as 'anti-awfulizing.' This is where you can accept that you don’t like something (so it's bad) but you also know it’s not the worst thing you can think of happening (but it isn't awful). It means you see things as they are, without blowing them out of proportion and without becoming dramatic."

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Negative thought #3: The "I can't cope"

"This is also known as 'low frustration tolerance,' which is a rather bad rating of your ability to handle adversity (I couldn't stand it if I didn't make a good impression). This belief makes you believe you can't handle things you know you can. If you actually couldn't stand something it would kill you. And yet, no one has ever died of not making a good impression."

Turn it into: "I can cope"

"Also known as 'high frustration tolerance' (I might find it difficult to deal with if I don't make a good impression, but I know I can stand it). This is true as it acknowledges the challenge you face when things don't go your way, but it also accepts that you won't keel over and die. People who believe they can cope with difficulty are more likely to face up to things than those who can't."

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Negative thought #4: Pejorative put-downs


Turn it into: unconditional acceptance

"You are not a useless idiot, even if you don't make a good impression, you are a worthwhile, fallible human being. Other people are not total idiots either. They, too, are worthwhile fallible human beings. And things, conditions and such like are also worthwhile and fallible; your job, like most things, in life will be made up of good bits and bad bits. People who accept themselves unconditionally are more likely to accept their flaws and fallibilities whilst valuing their skills and abilities."

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Have a go at turning these thoughts on their head, and hopefully, you'll find a healthier, happier, much calmer you.

Daniel Fryer is a psychotherapist and author. 

Follow Cat on Twitter.

