all 154 comments

[–]tehmlem 272 points273 points  (25 children)

How crazy has recent history been that a race car driving, porn star representing, conman lawyer rising and falling in the span of a year is a side story it's easy to forget about?

[–]MagicMushroomFungi 121 points122 points  (8 children)

He will be forgotten.
Until a seven part Netflix series drops about him.
Liger King (working title) .

[–]delete_this_post 29 points30 points  (5 children)

The Paper Chaste

[–]Elocai 5 points6 points  (4 children)

The Schroom Case

[–]Vineyard_ 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Stormy with a chance of Heil

[–]PortlyWarhorse 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Avenatti: Ever Naughty

Seven Parts, in Severed Format

[–]rammo123 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Pretty much my favourite animal.

[–]coffeeandtrout 4 points5 points  (11 children)

Don’t forget Tullys coffee chain owning! Ticking off all “Corrupt Potential Politician” bingo squares all at once.

[–]Kriztauf 19 points20 points  (9 children)

He announced at one point that he wanted to run against Trump in 2020.

[–]sadandshy 20 points21 points  (8 children)

And thousands and thousands on here and twitter thought that was a good idea. I think that finally quelled a bit after his first conviction.

[–]Prysorra2 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Thousands more pretend that either they or others never did.

[–]PeterNinkimpoop 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I’ll admit I loved the guy, I am very easily swindled I guess haha. I just liked the fact that he was a loudmouth going up against king loudmouth. Made for an incredibly entertaining year.

[–]Regrettable_Incident 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Likewise. I liked the way he answered questions directly, it was kind of refreshing. Then after a while the cracks began to show, and here we are. Just goes to show how wrong you can be about someone going by what you see in the media.

[–]ADRIANBABAYAGAZENZ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

After him, Anthony Weiner, and a few others, I’m starting to seriously question the loudmouth blowhards I swoon for. I wish the left wing had more “fighters” who don’t turn out to be complete scumbags…

[–]myrddyna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sharks rising too far, getting pruned.

[–]bannana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thought that was a good idea.

some of us thought it was hilarious and would rustle trump's jimmies so much he might burst a vein.

[–]itsdangeroustakethis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shit I worked there when he bought it!

Of the potential buyers, he was my favorite because he was the only one who wasn't going to fire all of the staff or close over half the stores. Looking back it was like a weird prequel.

[–]SPAREustheCUTTER 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s like the Disney+ spin off of a shitty marvel movie.

[–]phenry1110 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was so loved by CNN and MSNBC. They were touting him as a Presidential Candidate some day. I bet they don't say much nowadays.

[–]Fadoucheiarie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When you put it that way I wonder why I would even care.

[–]pittguy578 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I mean the Nike thing isn’t even the worst thing he did. Keeping money from clients who needed the money was also really bad.

[–]sadandshy 19 points20 points  (0 children)

like the paralyzed client he stole money from.

[–]ADRIANBABAYAGAZENZ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The Nike thing was the most coked out thing he did though:

  • demanded a 25 million dollar retainer from Nike for himself, 1.5 million for his client
  • Scarface threats: “I’ll go take ten billion dollars off your client’s market cap … I’m not fucking around.” After a foot-long line of blow (probably) he asked a Nike lawyer if they ever “held the balls of the client in your hand where you could take five to six billion dollars off of the market cap?”
  • Scarface grandeur: “A few million dollars doesn’t move the needle for me.” (He actually had financial problems and allegedly stole from Stormy Daniels)
  • The extortion was so blatant that the investigation was almost instant, six days after contacting Nike he was arrested

What a maniac. Details taken from here they were widely reported though.

Last thought: of all his sins, the most egregious one was helping Bret Kavanaugh onto the Supreme Court. Avenatti single handedly undermined the collective case of his accusers (for sexual assault). Things were looking bad for Kavanaughs nomination until Avenatti hyped up claims about a client who said Kavanaugh participated in gang rapes. That client turned out to be bogus, which defanged the actual accusations, he might as well have spat in Christine Blasey Ford’s for her brave stand. Ugh.

[–]techdevangelist 39 points40 points  (0 children)

"You don't want a criminal lawyer... you want a 'criminal' lawyer,"

[–]x777x777x 159 points160 points  (29 children)

Remember when Reddit wanted him to run for president against Trump?

[–]Mr_Engineering 39 points40 points  (1 child)

He's highly qualified to run for governor of Illinois

[–]spanky8898 98 points99 points  (3 children)

That was so embarrassing

[–]WalterPecky 62 points63 points  (5 children)

This was a time when people were also claiming to get "Robert Muller" tattoos.

Man how shit changes

[–]taco_anus1 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Mueller was the biggest case of blue balls I will ever have.

[–]ADRIANBABAYAGAZENZ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There have been setbacks but hopefully we’ll get a chance to read the DoJ memo about why Barr killed the Mueller investigation. The judge has ordered its release, and after reading it she called Bill Barr’s public statements about the Mueller report “disingenuous”.

I’ll always be unspeakably disappointed by Muellers congressional testimony where he said almost nothing that wasn’t written in the report. Whatever his motivation, that was brutal to watch. He punted the ball to congress and it's on congress for not running with it, but I just don't get why he refused to offer a single rhetorical position than "it's all in the report". Not sure it's really virtuous to stay out of the political moshpit when your aloofness decidedly benefits one side of the justice scale more than the other. Hope whatever went down behind closed doors leaks out in my lifetime.

[–]JarvisProudfeather 11 points12 points  (2 children)

LMAO I do not remember people talking about getting Robert Mueller tattoos but that is hilarious.

[–]m1k3tv 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nobody wanted either, people did say he 'would make a better president than trump' but I'm not sure there is a lower bar

[–]an_internet_denizen 43 points44 points  (1 child)

I don’t want this to be true but I know it is, Reddit has some awful ideas sometimes.

Stormy picked a bad lawyer to represent her.

[–]LogicShmlogic 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t seem to make a bunch of good decisions.

[–]PotatoProfessor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would vote for Avenatti over Trump every single time even knowing full well what Avenatti has done. Avenatti could literally be running for office inside a prison cell and I would walk 10 miles through bramble and thickets just to vote for him over Trump.

It's better to have a criminal president than a criminal president who's also Putin's puppet.

[–]Gasonfires 6 points7 points  (1 child)

If given the limited choice today between him and Trump? Him. Hands down.

[–]notherday11 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To be fair, that was only some people. Those same people also generally liked him for senate seats, AG positions if Trump lost, etc. Kind of hilarious, really.

[–]boston-red_sox -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Reddit was metaphorically sucking him off every day for months. Anytime he said anything, it was upvoted to the top of this sub and /r/politics. Then, overnight, the same people acted like they hated him the whole time.

[–]Luggage-Code-12345 45 points46 points  (4 children)


[–]TheCouchSmacker 21 points22 points  (2 children)

“Don’t put too many onions in the sauce.”


"I didnt put to many onions... Uh.. paul..

Tree small onions"

Fun fact, the man cooking the sauce was Scorsese's pops

[–]The-Go-Kid 37 points38 points  (9 children)

I respect his ability to see a way to hit the big time and then ride the wave of popularity to the extent that he became a household name. It’s unfortunate for him that he was corrupt and that scrutiny that followed was the opposite of what he needed.

[–]hisnameisbrock 14 points15 points  (3 children)

It’s unfortunate for him that he was corrupt? No, that was his choice, not a misfortune

[–]The-Go-Kid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously. It was just the way I phrased it for comedic purposes.

[–]br0b1wan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I loved how great he was at getting under trump's skin. It's unfortunate he did the things he did, otherwise he'd be my spirit animal

[–]TexasYankee212 7 points8 points  (2 children)

This guys lawyers want a sentence of 6 months in jail and 1 year at home - for trying to extort $25 million. That is a joke. I have no sympathy for Nike but an extortion of $25 million, damage to their business, plus all their legal costs would demand a heavy sentence. If the sentence was easy, then many sleazy lawyers would risk 6 months in jail for a $25 million payment. Plus allow Nike to sue him personally for their loses and legal fees. A heavy sentence would discourage other sleazy people from this kind of behavior.

[–]DAMN_INTERNETS -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Just in general legal fees need to be entirely the responsibility of the losing party- it would prevent a lot of frivolous suits, and it's called the English rule.

[–]TexasYankee212 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But if someone tried to extort someone like this case, and the victim of the extortion incurred additional costs because of the extortion, would they not be able to sue the extortionist to recover any costs they incurred due to the extortion attempt?

[–]ChosenNewton01 61 points62 points  (15 children)

I remember when r/ politics was pushing this guy as a presidential contender lol

[–]No-Duck7816 34 points35 points  (11 children)

I remember when Donald Trump was POTUS. LOL

[–]LogicShmlogic 30 points31 points  (10 children)

I still can’t believe that Donald Trump, fucking idiot, was president, and now has an entire cult of fellow idiots ready to destroy democracy.

[–]Kriztauf 25 points26 points  (8 children)

It's crazy how the Trump presidency somehow managed to turn out even worse than what most reasonable people had expected.

[–]MrSergioMendoza 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I vaguely remember him. Basta!

[–]Kriztauf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mo Basta

[–]stalkedagnostic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lol, remember people on r/politics saying that this guy should run for the presidency when he was Stormy Daniels’ lawyer?

[–]MarshMellowTuff 18 points19 points  (3 children)

This guy used to be Reddit’s darling. Got propped up all over as a nemesis to Trump meanwhile I’m just like “they’re literally the same guy, how does no one else see this”

[–]Eggviper 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Somebody pat this man on the back.

[–]pizzajeans 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wow you're a visionary man I wish I had been such a free thinker like you

[–]MarshMellowTuff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coming late to this but thanks dude that means a lot

[–]ilovefacebook 6 points7 points  (1 child)

this dude was awesome for 7 minutes.

[–]mayhapsintellectual 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He was. There were just a couple of days when he was able to bring real pain to the DJT corruption steamroller, but then he did a rally in front of the White House and decided he was the creator of the receipts, not the clients he represented, and it was all down hill from there. As his other bullshit came to light it got him sliding faster and faster down the far side of the popularity/notoriety bell curve.

[–]fearandloathinginpdx 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Great. Now do Giuliani next!

[–]chillinwithmoes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

lmao I remember when this guy's name was being floated as a candidate for office

[–]JarvisProudfeather 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Remember when Redditors were saying this guy was going to be the next president during the height of his fame? LOL. Now he’s just another one of the many ridiculous characters from the Trump presidency that will probably be totally forgotten in 10 years.

[–]m1k3tv -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Avenatti had about the same chance of securing the Dem nomination as trump did when he tried. Zero.

[–]StratCat86 5 points6 points  (7 children)

[–]m1k3tv -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, after the last 4 years.. I dont think many Americans are accepting too much critizism from republicans about presidential choices lol

[–]No-Duck7816 4 points5 points  (1 child)

LOL Fuck this POS. Wouldn't it be sweet to see him and trump sharing a cell?

[–]RoyalThickness 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This guy used to be a hero that was supposed to topple Trump and save the country.

[–]Myalltimehate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wasn't CNN touting this guy as the next President or something?

[–]StanQuail 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't he go to prison and somehow Nike loses money? It's terrible people all the way down.

[–]Amischwein -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Good riddance to all concerned parties. Porn Star , sleazy lawyer, orange game show host/ leader of the free world, grifter daughter that looks like a cobra and her husband who was in bed with MBS in killing and dismembering a Washington post reporter. Let’s also not forget needy Don Jr and Eric. Honorable mention to the Slavic cat eyed nude model First Lady and her newly American citizen parents who got in on chain migration the same week Trump signed a law making it illegal for others , just not him. I’m sure I’m missing a lot but glad it’s fucking over. What a shit show and national embarrassment Forgive my spelling

[–]badrocky2020 -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

"Corrupt lawyer" is redundant.

[–]NeilZod 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Be nice. Avenetti is just part of the 95% of lawyers who make the other 5% of us look bad.

[–]pizzajeans -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Wow what's next in your repertoire, maybe a Monica lewinsky joke?

[–]AeternaSoul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought he was a nice pro bono attorney? 😭

[–]TizACoincidence 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was the sweetheart of the media for like over a month. Fucking nuts

[–]MentorOfArisia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Corrupt Lawyer is redundant.

[–]kiwisrkool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The guy CNN were blowharding about being a presidential candidate. Hahahhaha. Not sure which sucked worse. Avanetti or CNN

[–]DukTakTong 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Scumbag cry-baby - watch your ass inside LOL!

[–]deathakissaway -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Fuck Avenatti, and fuck Nike.

[–]Routine_Wolverine_29 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wait I can’t find the keys