June 30, 2008
by: jovial_cynic

image: Infinite (cc) S n o R k e l

When I was younger, I used to imagine that I could read the minds of people as I'd walk by them. In nearly every case, my mind-reading was scoped to what those people were thinking about me as they'd walk by -- I had some sort of weird fascination with how people perceived me. I've always had a healthy sense of self-worth, so most of the time, I would imagine that they were thinking positively about me, but on occasion, I would be self-conscious with the way I walked (I'm not sure why), and in those times, I would imagine that they were secretly making fun of me.

The thoughts just sort of popped into my head, you see. I never really thought about it, and I never assumed that it was unhealthy or narcissistic or anything. It was just something I did.

Recently, something very strange has been occurring in my head. Instead of imagining that I can read peoples' minds, the thought that these people can read my mind has entered my consciousness, creating a bit of a psychological recursive loop: I'm imagining that they're reading my mind, and can see that I'm imagining that they're reading my mind, and can see that I'm imagining that they're reading my mind, etc., etc., ad infinitum.



Kendra said:
I don't think I've ever thought that before. I've tried to wonder what people think of me when they walk by, but it's because I'm usually making fun of them in my head. And I'm a very self-conscious person, and I'm always wishing I did know what they were thinking about me.

But the loop you've created in your head is... well, odd. :)

June 30, 2008

jovial_cynic said:
...but it's because I'm usually making fun of them in my head.

That's not very nice, you know. And maybe the fact that you're making fun of them is precisely why you're a very self-conscious person. I think we've had this conversation before. A few times. ;)

June 30, 2008

Kendra said:
I didn't say it was nice. And I know that's why I'm self-conscious. Something I do try and work on... something my husband is always reminding me not to do. ;)
June 30, 2008

Bek said:
This was very fascinating. Thank you for making me think.
July 01, 2008

Austin said:
Just don't self-destruct by recursion, or go insane. I think that's usually how insane people got that way. Crazy.
July 01, 2008

Kristen said:

I had pretty much had myself convinced that no one was even paying attention to me, but now...

July 02, 2008

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