Making a 1.5 minute heavenly pitch

Photo of Lynda Edwards

Selling anything door-to- door, even Girl Scout cookies, sounds like zero fun. Now, imagine the challenge of selling religion door-to-door to strangers. Every week, Jehovah's Witnesses gather at Troy's Kingdom Hall, consult a big map and pinpoint some neighborhoods. These four Witnesses, all millennials or Gen Y, don't carry Bibles. They carry computer tablets loaded with Bible verses for different moods and situations ("grieving a loss" is one example) as well as complete versions of the Bible (King James, American Standard) plus videos to entertain teenagers they meet on the street.

There's another key difference between these volunteers and prior Witness generations. They rehearse and role-play until they can make their pitch for Jesus in one minute, 20 seconds.

"Think of TV commercials; after about a minute and a half the listener tunes out," said church spokesman Mark McLaughlin.

Remember the "Seinfeld" episode in which Elaine's roomie scolds her for buzzing Witnesses into the apartment building and then it took days to shoo them out? The church does. And the stereotype of long-winded evangelists stung. Volunteers are now trained to be succinct then move on unless the person who answers the door wants to talk. Many do. Some seem to answer the door in hopes of company or comfort.

Lucas Quinones Jr., 31, and wife, Janai, 32, met a woman weeping inconsolably over the death of a loved one. She said no one could help her.

"We didn't want to pester her so we just told her that we were there for her if we could help or she needed to talk," Lucas said. "We bought flowers at Price Chopper and gave them to her with our card."

Sisters Tiffani and Makayla Wells, 21 and 23, respectively, usually knock on Troy doors. The Quinoneses focus on Albany. But on a recent cold, rainy autumn day, the four teamed up in a Troy neighborhood of small apartment buildings and bungalows with tidy yards, some dotted with Virgin Mary statues. On hundreds of previous outings, they've met big scary dogs with heads the size of watermelons or the inconsolably angry who blast the visitors with F-bombs.

"Mean people are rare; usually if someone isn't in the mood to talk, they just peek through the window curtains at us and don't come to the door," Tiffani said cheerfully.

All four volunteers work full time in addition to door knocking for their church at least two weekdays and some of the weekend. Lucas works in IT for the state. Janai is an administrative assistant. The sisters work for medical professionals. All of them say they told their employers they would need work schedules that allowed for the door-to-door mission work. They say all their employers were supportive.

All four earn enough money to travel to Jehovah's Witness conferences and mission trips in places like Germany, Italy, South Africa and Thailand. Lucas fondly remembers his trip to Australia where he spotted wild kangaroos hopping about suburban neighborhoods.

"They seem to be like deer in America, so accustomed to humans that they aren't afraid of them," he said. "And it was really fun hearing Australians tell me: you sound just like a movie star! They sort of equate having an American accent with the way Hollywood stars talk."

When a reporter asks about Jehovah's Witness beliefs, a church elder refers her to the website, explaining that the Quinoneses and Wellses aren't official church spokespersons. The website says Witnesses are Christian. They hold some unique beliefs.

"A relatively small number of people — 144,000 — will be resurrected to life in heaven to rule with Jesus in the Kingdom .. People who die pass out of existence. They do not suffer in a fiery hell of torment ... God will bring billions back from death by means of a resurrection. However, those who refuse to learn God's ways after being raised to life will be destroyed forever with no hope of a resurrection."

The church is pacifist, so members do not bear arms in the military. It advocates disaster relief, charitable work and combatting climate change. The door-to-door mission work is its most famous feature and perhaps the venue where members social skills are tested most thoroughly.

The Wells sisters sometimes meet atheists determined to convert them into non-believers. Both are single. When asked if men who answer the doors ever hit on them, Makayla replies: "One started to, but then I brought the Bible up on screen," she points to her tablet, "and he lost interest right away."

She smiles brightly, with no trace of unkindness.