

One Lap of the Web: Ugly cars, ugly accidents, and a Motocompo for sale

"I hope you got a big trunk, 'cuz I'm putting my Motocompo in it."

-- Do you like ugly cars? Of course you do, that's why you come here to read about Ladas and the Sir Vival. Mystery Blogspotter AutoFug tears down ugly cars from concepts to Ferraris to mostly Hondas, as of recent -- even Pininfarina and its supposed plagiarism doesn't go without notice. OK, sure, they're all Italian, and they all look like bars of soap that have been run through a diagonal grater. But at least they're all so good-looking that it's really not a problem, right? At least it's not the Buick Rendezvous and…well, you know.

-- How do you do a stoppie? First, you get a sweet bike. Done. Then, you get some gear -- safety first. OK. Then, you do everything outlined in this quick Cycle World article. Then you get the money. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. Then when you get the women, you get to do a stoppie on a Ducati Hypermotard. So money.

-- Ben Langley drove his Vauxhall Insignia (our Buick Regal, if you're the type that still blames the Brits for the burning of the White House) into a shop to have a bulb replaced. A few minutes later, a mechanic had driven the car with the hood open into a ramp, knocking another car off, crushing the Insignia. "It was like something you see in a demolition derby," said Langley, who, we imagine, is not chuffed. The shop offered to repair it or offer a paltry £4,000 for the Insignia -- which starts at £17,909.00. "I want a new car," said Langley. If there's a heart-rending moral to this tale of woe, it's to do your own dang headlights (even if it involves removing the entire front end).

-- The world needs more 49cc two-stroke motor scooters that fit in the back of cars, local legislation and potential for carbon monoxide poisoning be damned. The Honda Motocompo is the greatest thing to happen to portable personal mobility since the suitcase racer; in this Stardate Twenty-Fourteen world we're living in, shouldn't backpack-sized runabouts be our futuristic mode of transport? The diminutive little scoot that fits where it pleases is one of those ideas that's thoroughly zany yet brilliant, kind of like the weird headscratcher things you see at Secret Santas. This one is for sale for the low, rare price of $3,500, and the tersely worded ad reads like a haiku: battery good? No. No good. Battery no good. Grab it from Gardena, California, before 80s British ska band Madness gets to it. You'll have to find your own City R.

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