Change Starts With You…

How many times do we go through life wishing things were different?…yet instead of making the necessary changes we go around regretting our life; hoping for things to “magically” get better.

Through my work I have witness how the “law of attraction” or the teachings in the popular book “The secret” have been misinterpreted.   If we want our lives to change is not enough to simply say we wish for it to be so.  I have had people tell me “I don’t understand, I have faith that my life will change yet nothing happens.  I am ready to give up”.  Sadly those statements reflect the level of misunderstanding on what faith is.  When talking about faith in this article, I am not doing so based on its religious meaning only.  Faith comes from the word “Fidem” meaning keeping faith or as the Greeks would explained it “maintaining loyalty”.   When referring to Fidem they were not referring to maintaining loyalty to any person, object or idea outside of you.  Fidem meant to remain loyal to whatever commitment you had in your life which was beneficial to you and your growth.

Faith requires not just the oral expression of you desire; it requires action to be paired with it, in order for results to manifest.  It means being loyal to whatever goal you may have which would make your life better by everyday day working towards it.  It isn’t easy, hence the word faith; so you may not waiver whenever doubt, exhaustion or fear take place.  Fidem represented the ideal; it reminded you that all your work wasn’t for nothing but to achieve something better for your life.  To be faithful to your soul, to look for the answers within not without.   I usually ask people when they approach me stating they want their life to change  “Do you REALLY want your life to change?because it’s going to take work, and all that work starts with you, inside of you.  No one can do the work for you….someone can help guide you to discover the answers within you, but no one can help you get there if you are not willing to listen to yourself.  If you want to live YOUR life and you want your life to change, to rediscover who YOU are, then you will need to do the work to rediscover your power; accepting that only YOU have the answers to that puzzle.  I can’t tell you who YOU are, anyone who hands you down the answers isn’t helping, its enabling and that isn’t being loving towards you, that is control not freedom.”  I often like the example of teaching someone how to ride a bicycle.  There is a difference between guiding and showing through example how it can be done vs. taking over the bike, riding on it, and simply forgetting that the person who asked for help is the one who needs to practice, who needs to ride, who needs to discover the speed they like, the style of bike they like, the style of riding they like.

Enabling someone to remain in the same place, feeling helpless, incapable to figure it out….that isn’t helping, or guiding, that is taking over.  How can any of us presume to know who someone else is at their core more than the person herself? How then can any other person know what that particular soul needs, or what her definition of happy is; objectivity at those times is key in order not to violate a human soul.

Sadly some people would rather die than to make the changes necessary in their lives.  Generally speaking what most of us are used to is to have those around us change for our sake vs looking in and applying the changes necessary to our lives in order to grow as souls.  Many people go around hoping for things to change in their relationships with friends, family, partners.  They go around wishing for those who surround them to change, or to go back to being who they used to know in order to make their life comfortable.  They expect everyone to change in order to fit their life style instead of respecting the right someone else has to live his or her life in whatever way they want to.  Even if those around changed it may not be in the way they expect it, so why try to force others to change when the only person one has control over is his or her own self.

Any change we desire in our lives has to come from our interior not our exterior.  If we want a relationship with someone who may have a different concept of life, we have a right to either meet that person half way or not; without putting all blame on that person for not fitting our life style and therefore not being able to maintain the so called “desired” relationship.   If someone isn’t willing to respect someone else’s way of life without labeling that person as bad because of who they are and how they carry their life, then one should not go around complaining and blaming that person for the lack of a relationship.

People either have to learn to respectfully agree to disagree on their ideas without stopping them from interacting; if that is what they desire.  If on the other hand you can not handle someone else’s life style then remember that no one is forcing you to stay there.  You are free to have your own life, but don’t go around saying the other person is to blame if you have not tried to meet them half way.  Halfway means a compromise where both people feel heard and respected.   

To change for our evolvement means to liberate ourselves from the feelings of isolation (emotional isolation), loneliness, vengeance, anger, fear and pain.  It means to create a life where we can relax and be our selves, not someone else’s version of us.  It means finding peace in our own ways, knowing life will always take care of us and helps us through all the changes so long as we are coming from a desire to be faithful to ourselves first and for our own evolvement.

I have studied and researched many people, teachers, writers, historians, etc.  One of my favourite teachers when it comes to self development is Louise Hay.  To me a teacher is not someone who simply knows the theory, but someone who has applied the theory to his or her own life, and who has the experience to back it up.  One of Louise Hay’s affirmation says the following:

” Life is beautiful.  Everything is well in my world and I always move towards  my own evolvement.  This way, I do not fear which direction my life takes, for I know it will turn out to be a marvellous life.  Therefore as long as my motivation is pure, I can enjoy all of life’s circumstances…”

Sometimes we can alter the process of our lives by changing our way of thinking.  Look at your interior as your own house, if you spend time taking care of each room patiently, one after another, eventually your whole house will be clean.  It’s not necessary to pressure one self in order to see the results, just keep working on it even if a little bit everyday and you will notice the results.  You will start to feel better, peaceful, more secure on who you are, and less afraid whenever the waves of pain hit.  You will notice more and more those waves become less frequent and less intense.  If we are not willing to do the internal work then nothing in our external world will change to our satisfaction.  Our internal changes affect our surroundings, that is the power of resonance, that is the power of life.

Take time to figure out how you would like your life internally to be and then think about what changes you will need to make in order to get there.  Start with little steps, and be faithful to your desire to feel free and positive in a way that is coherent, not just in a way that is external, while internally your life is in disarray.  Allow yourself to feel the good, the bad, the frustration, the joy you experience. Allowing us to feel vs evading gives us permission to be real.   Anyone who expects you to be sad all the time, or happy all the time, is expecting you to be fake, chaining you instead of  cherishing your soul’s freedom.  

When you are determined to make the changes in your life which will help you grow as a person, then you will notice how the universe helps you.  It starts to put things, resources, people in your life who align with that which you desire.  Our souls are all about expansion, yet expansion can not happen without the collapsing of the old.  It is for that reason sometimes life will feel as if it is getting worst; that’s fine, it’s al part if the process.  That is life detangling the mess and chaos inside, severing all ties to that which will stop you from self growth, it’s getting rid of the old to make room for the new.  When this happens it can feel terrifying, try not to be scare, neither think life is punishing you.  Punishment is a human concept, not a divine one.  A loving God/Universe doesn’t punish, it guides.  Punishment comes from false ego; again a human concept.  Guidance comes from balance between ying and yang, it comes from a loving universe; its divine.

Do not freak out if you feel your life isn’t changing as fast as you would like it to happen.  All energies within you have to balance.  If you have hurt others, life will give you an experience to help you understand what that felt like to those you hurt, without the concept of punishing.  Life will not let other’s punish you, nor is it asking you to lower your head to the ground for your mistakes; that is an egotistical human concept.  No matter how slow your progress may seem, as long as it is progress keep going.  Progress requires cleansing of the old you, but cleansing doesn’t come through guilt.  Cleansing comes through learning that all actions have a reaction, while understanding that you have the right to stand up tall and to enjoy life.  You have the right to share with others what you have learned, that is how you repay life; not through self punishment, guilt, or allowing others to mistreat you.  Progress is learning the difference between giving to others vs living for others.  If you go around helping everyone else while inside you are vindictive, carry fears and anger which you don’t allow yourself to express because is not “Godly” or fear what others may think, then that is not progress, that is denial or the feeding a false ego, otherwise called the “victim syndrome” which I will write about in another article.

Giving to others happens not as the main point in your life but simply by being you, working on you, doing what you love which is being the authentic you, with all your flaws and imperfections.  To be “Godly” is to be real.  You can’t claim to be Godly or to live a Godly life if you are pretending to be someone outside your house and you are a different person inside of it.  When we allow ourselves to be real, then without meaning to we give others permission to be themselves and that is a wonderful thing….  Not having to wonder who others are at their core; it generates organic relationships which are meaningful.  It is not how many people you have around you, it’s about how many of the people “close” to you truly know the real you.  Can you relax around them or do you have to pretend?.

Valuable relationships to me are those who although few are organic in nature. Relationships where I can be all aspects of me without having to pretend to be someone else….more importantly valuable is accepting and respecting myself by not having my values change according to whatever is convenient for me at any given moment…Is being able to enjoy my solitude; without feeling lonely as much as I enjoy being with those who know me and who love me for who I am; not for who they want me to be.  That is the reward we get when we work on ourselves….that is priceless…that no one can take away….

May you have the courage, the determination and the strength to work on yourself and to allow yourself your Universal/God given right which is to be free…

By Sofia Falcone


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