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An Introduction To Kosher Sex

An Introduction To Kosher Sex

Biblically-Inspired Sex Is Completely Different Than You'd Expect

Before you take a second glance at the title, Kosher Sex , let me say that I was just as shocked as you when I first heard of it. A colleague of mine told me she read a fantastic book while she was having problems with her lover. She raved and ranted, listing all the things she had learned, and told me that I had to pick it up.

My first impressions were, what exactly constitutes kosher sex? Is that sex that's approved by a Rabbi? Sex according to the bible? Could the sex that I'm accustomed to be considered kosher? And really, who cares if I'm "unkosher" anyhow (isn't it all about being naughty?).

what is kosher sex?

When my friend lent me the book, Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy (which is now considered her bible; no joke, she literally has footnotes scribbled all over the place), I was brought to a whole new mind frame; and suffice it to say, I was enlightened.

Let's get this straight — kosher sex is not bound by specific religions; it can apply to most people, regardless of religion. Although the book is based on the Talmud (a holy Jewish scripture about values and morals) and Judaism, the concepts used in Kosher Sex can be applied to any sexual human.

The author, Shmuley Boteach, is a Rabbi, lecturer on contemporary issues, and author of numerous other books, including, Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments . Throughout the book, he applies sexual issues to actual couples that he has counseled in the past.

let's get high

Boteach regards sex as one of the most spiritual and holy acts possible. It not only molds two people into one flesh, but it also takes the two lovers to a place they cannot access via any other act. Kosher sex is defined by sexual acts that promote this enlightenment, while whatever impedes this level of intimacy is considered "unkosher sex".

Wow, sex as a spiritual act that's a new way of looking at it. Turns out you're more religious than you thought!

While Boteach relates these ideas to a married couple, the ideas presented in the book can be applied to unmarried couples as well.

So you're probably all dying to know whether that favorite position of yours is kosher or not, and whether or not it really is the more the merrier, when it comes to sex at least.

Here is a breakdown of what is considered kosher sex, and what is considered unkosher.


Sex before love
While premarital sex is forbidden according to most religions, the idea of waiting until we're in love before consummating the relationship is erroneous. Think back to the days of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (the glorious days of wearing nothing but leaves). Adam and Eve were, of course, the first humans created. The idea that they waited until they were in love before doing the deed is quite nave (there was more than one snake slithering in that Garden of Eden, believe you me).

To say that you choose to wait until you're in love before having sex with your partner is the equivalent of undermining love, and quantifying it. This is not to say that you should have sex right away, before getting to know each other; but how can you claim to be in love with someone before even connecting with them on a level that you have never experienced with them before?

Love comes after sex, once you grow together, learn more about each other day by day, and develop a relationship together — hence the term "making love." You may be best friends with a person, but you cannot be in love until you have witnessed the other person completely inhibition-free, and seen how they behave during physical intimacy.

Sex with many partners
Boasting many sexual partners may score you some points amongst your buddies, but it's no way to learn about sex. When we have too many sexual partners, we no longer see it as something special, and the powerful effect it can create between two people. Sex becomes reduced to a handshake between people — albeit a very erotic handshake.

Having a long list of previous partners also makes us judges in bed rather than subjective participants. You will constantly be judging your partner rather than trying to make her feel as special as you can. At the same time, you will feel that you are being judged, which will make you more inhibited and make you more preoccupied about your performance, rather than letting yourself go completely.


Oral Sex
While oral sex performed on a man is considered sinful as it is "wasting seed" (semen which can be used to reproduce), this is not so in kosher standards. Oral sex is one of the most pleasurable things for a man, and if he wants his lover to perform it, she should consider (if she is adamant about not doing it, the man should still respect that).

Oral sex is not considered wasting seed (rather "spilling seed"), as the sperm is used on account of bringing the man great pleasure and satisfaction. "Wasting seed" is considered unkosher when the man pulls out of the vagina before ejaculating; which destroys the pleasure for a woman and is intentional destruction of seed — coitus interruptus at its best.

As for cunnilingus, it is in fact "kosher," as long as the man doesn't forget to pay attention to other parts of his lover's body. This means that he cannot always resort to pleasing her with oral sex, and should also please her with vaginal intercourse. If the man only goes down on his lover, he will always be "staring" at her vagina, which almost degrades the woman to that level. On the other hand, with sexual intercourse missionary style, he stares into her eyes.

It's true that masturbation allows us to experience ultimate pleasure whenever we choose and allows us to get to know exactly what we like and dislike, but masturbation takes away the fun of having our lover do the job for us. If you can't sleep unless you get a load off — literally — then why be so excited to spend the next night with your girlfriend? This is not intended to reduce a woman to a mere sexual outlet, but rather to increase the level of passion, desire and dependency between lovers.

Yes, it's better to please yourself rather than cheat on your partner, but it's also better to be able to refrain from pleasing yourself. Masturbating is the difference between giving her a peck on the check the next time you see her, and kissing her erotically, as if you haven't seen her in weeks, and wanting to devour each other whole.


New positions
The missionary position is considered the most holy or spiritual of positions, as it's the only one which allows the man and woman to look at each other in the eyes, and directly see the reaction of the other in orgasmic pleasure.

But on the other hand, it's healthy to experiment with each other, and try new things in order to keep the sex exciting. A healthy sex life is the key to a healthy relationship, not necessarily communication (thank me later).

Never doing missionary
It's great to be experimental, but it's also good to go back to missionary every now and then.


Sex Toys
Following the same principal, sex toys and books such as the Kama Sutra are good for a relationship, as they allow the lovers to add spice to their sex lives and keep it exciting.

You and your girlfriend may get extremely turned on by pornography, but life imitating art in this case takes away the focus of fully concentrating on your lover and pleasing her.


Pleasing your lover
This is one of my personal favorites... and makes me want to date more religious men. The goal of the man should be to please his lover in every way possible, before pleasing himself.

Quickie sex
While quickie sex can be great (and extremely satisfying, I might add), it doesn't allow the lovers to reach the same point of pure ecstasy at the same time. In quickie sex, it's more likely that the man will become more concerned with reaching orgasm rather than pleasing his lover and then pleasing himself, so that they can reach that point together and scream in unison.


Sex after fighting or Makeup Sex
Yes, it's true. Fights between couples usually stem from petty things such as someone forgetting to call when they promised they would. These fights escalate into huge blow out wars, and while it is important to discuss the issue at hand at some point, having passionate sex almost brings the couple back to reality and reminds each partner that they share something extremely special. Sex is not the substitute for working things out, it just helps bring perspective back to the argument and gives each party "cool off" time.

Sex, if the fight is about serious circumstances
By no means should a woman have sex with a man if he abuses her in any way, disrespects her, or cheats on her.

it's all about sex

In these days of self-help books and seminars, what with men being from Mars and women from Venus, we have been blinded by the belief that communication is the only key to healthy relationships (there go your thousands of therapy dollars). Communication is important, but there is no communication like the one experienced in the bedroom, where lovers are entangled in each other and become one.

Sex allows us to lose our inhibitions and reveal a private side of ourselves. It is this type of communication — that doesn't even need words — that is crucial to the survival and strength of a relationship, as well as emotional intimacy.

And by having kosher sex, you'll be having great sex and a great relationship — by getting down and dirty. So if you want to educate yourself and read up on some more dos and don'ts of Kosher Sex, pick up the book and read away.


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