Sunday, 3 February 2013

How do you eat your biscuit? And Fabulously Fruity Flapjack Biscuits

How do you eat your biscuit?

Following thirty years of careful observation, in-depth investigation and thorough research* I have come to the conclusion there are six breeds of biscuit eaters.

Which tribe do you belong to?

The Dunker: 

The Dunkers have their favourite biscuits. They need to be sturdy, durable and substantial. No fragile wafer-thin tuiles please-thank you. Hob Nobs, Rich Tea and the ever dependable Digestive are all in the Top Five. The expert dunker has inimitable knowledge of the following Biscuit Maths equation:

With extensive experience, the Expert Dunker can even perfect the timing of dunking the notoriously tricky Chocolate Digestive. The difference ofcourse between perfect dunk and a chocolately flavoured cup of tea is miliseconds. The sciencey bit is here.

The Nibbler:

The Nibbler's favourites are the layered sandwiched biscuits. Think Oreo, Bourbon and its albino cousin the Custard Cream. After extracting the top layer with their teeth and chomping it down, the Nibbler nibbles around the bottom layer of the biscuit that pertrudes around the creamy-goo. This is then eaten whole with the great pleasure. 

The More Tea, Vicar? Brigade:

A civilised setting requires civilised eating. The More Tea, Vicar? Brigade are likely to be partaking in the pleasure of an elegant afternoon tea where dunking, nibbling or any idiosyncracies (see below) are likely to be frowned upon. More commonly a biscuit will be politely pecked at, admired for flavour and taste and The More Tea, Vicar? Brigade will always, always stop at two. 

The Wolf:

Wolfers are mainly those with a significant sweet tooth (me) and those with very little willpower (also me). And teenage boys. The Wolfer can wolf-down half a pack of Fig Rolls before the kettle has even boiled. 

The Connoisseur:

Quite the expert, the Connoisseur has encyclopedic knowledge of the world of biscuits. Be it legal (HM Revenue and Customs Ruling on the Jaffa Cake vs Biscuit Case) or be it the ability to sense a broken Garibaldi at ten paces.

The Biscuit as The Delivery Vehicle: 

This is when the primary function of the biscuit is as a form of transport. Namely, cheese and biscuits. NB: this biscuit eater has much more of a savoury tooth. 

The Idiosyncratic Biscuitteer:

My family smash Tunnock's Tea Cakes on our foreheads before eating them. For luck. Others use the biscuit as a straw while I suspect deep frying biscuits may not get the approval from the Department of Health. 

Of course, you can simply eat the biscuit. Its just not as fun right?

Fabulously Fruity Flapjack Biscuits 

100g flour
1 tsp mixed spice
75g sugar
150g oats
100g butter
2 tbsp golden syrup
1 tsp bicarb of soda dissolved in 2 tbsp boiling water
100g mixed dried fruit (I used chopped apricots, cranberries and sultanas)

1. Heat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/Gas Mark 4. Grease and line two baking sheets. 
2. Pop the flour, spice, sugar and oats in a bowl 
3. Melt the butter in a small pan over gentle heat and once melted, stir in the golden syrup. Remove from the heat and stir in the bicarbonate of soda
4. Make a well in the centre of the dry ingredients and pour in the butter and golden syrup mixture. Stir together until thoroughly combined. Stir in the dried fruit
5. Place 'balls' of the mixture, approx 3cm in size, onto the baking sheets, spaced well apart as they will flatten and spread upon baking. Bake for ten minutes until golden. 

Baker's notes...

  • I'm not the world's biggest fan of flapjacks as such. But I think that might be due to some very traumatic experiences with very dry shop bought versions. Hence developing this flapjack biscuit recipe
  • How did I eat these? On a glorious stomp through the New Forest yesterday 

* In the main involving eating a whole lot of biscuits.


  1. I belong to the tribe of "The Biscuit as The Delivery Vehicle". I really like a Digestive biscuit and a slice of Danish Danbo cheese.


  2. Yum, I love flapjacks and made a fresh batch yesterday. I definitely fall into the wolf category and I'd put my boyfriend in the extra ravenous wolf category! Biscuits, either homemade or shop bought don't last long in our house. I think we may be slightly addicted!

  3. I'm definitely a dunking wolf...which sounds a lot better than wolf dunking, which could be dangerous!

  4. I LOVE this. I don't drink hot drinks so definitely not a dunker. I've been known to nibble but wouldn't say it's my defining feature and I'm definitely not savoury or dainty. I guess I'm a wolf, or possibly an idiosyncratic biscuit eater because I bash tunnocks teacakes into my head too! (see my post on homemade teacakes and accompanying photos on Facebook!)

  5. If the biscuits are home made, like these lovely flapjack biscuits then I would definitely wolf them down in a hurry. I love the sound of these and always have the ingredients to hand. Would make a welcome change to the amount of flapjacks I make!

