



The Dog from Frasier





Where Is He Now?


Drink Count: 10

The Orca Whale from Free Willy





Where Is He Now?



Drink Count: 20

The Taco Bell Dog






Where Is She Now?


Drink Count: 27

The Bear from The Great Outdoors and White Fang


No, dead.* Sorry about that.

The Dog from Full House


Dead.* Lung cancer.*

Baloo from The Jungle Book and TaleSpin


Ha! Suck it, death! Good luck killing off an animated character.

Baloo was Mowgli's best friend throughout Disney's The Jungle Book and then had his own cartoon show where he was a pilot who fought pirates and tried to sleep with his boss in TaleSpin. If for some reason we didn't have parallel childhoods and you can't remember him, you would certainly remember the sound of his voice.

That's legendary voice actor Phil Harris,* who did a number of other Disney movies as well and today is, dead, apparently.* He died of a heart attack in 1995.

But Phil Harris wasn't the only voice of Baloo. It was Ed Gilbert who voiced the bear in TaleSpin. He went on to be the voice of El Seed* in The Tick and, according to IMDb, appeared in something called American Karoshi* in 2011, so there's very little chance that he's passed away.

Where Is He Now?

I'm so sorry. That was my fault. Ed Gilbert is dead after all.* Jesus, this whole list has just turned into a hideous pile of corpses, right? I don't even know how to fix it now. I think this might be the saddest I've ever felt. At this point I just want to get the rest of this over with.

Drink Count: Hard to say. I've been pouring out a lot of it and reevaluating some things.

The Cat and Dog from The Adventures of Milo and Otis


I thought I might have better luck with kittens and puppies. Nope.* In fact, this is way worse. It's not even worth explaining the movie because it's just going to make us both miserable.

Where Are They Now?

I think you already know the answer to that question. Apparently Milo and Otis is a re-cut of the original Japanese movie The Adventures of Chatran.* During the shoot, they used over 27 kittens* to play the same role, and as many as 20 of them didn't even survive* until the final shot, which I guess isn't a surprise, since they show footage of the cat being attacked by seagulls,* a bear* and a crab,* and falling off a cliff.* The whole movie is filled with so much animal abuse that the Humane Society won't even put their usual stamp on the end of the credits saying "No animals were harmed ..."* Hell, even Dudley Moore, who did the narration for the new version, is dead.*

What used to seem like a sweet movie is actually filled with tragedy. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry about all of this. I just wanted to do something fun and I ruined it. I feel like that giant rock character in The NeverEnding Story when he realizes that even his big strong hands couldn't stop the Nothing. Except my hands are kind of skinny and effeminate. Man, that scene was sad. Remember The NeverEnding Story? It's that movie where the fucking horse died in a swamp of sadness. Ugh, Happy National Dog Day. I need to take a nap.

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For more drunkeness from Soren, check out The 7 Best Kinds of Monkeys: A Drunk Column and 4 Things I Regret Doing While Drunk in Your Emergency Room.

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