The Natural Love Drug

Oxytocin, a bonding hormone, reduces stress and nurtures every relationship. Here's how to make more of it

Earlier this year, my wife and I went on a 5-day cruise to Mexico with our children, their spouses, and our young grandkids. Observing my own close-knit clan, I began ruminating on how readily old family members forge deep bonds with new additions, such as grandchildren and daughters-in-law. As a neuroscientist, I wondered: What mechanism in the brain is responsible for forging these connections among not just kin but also friends, neighbors--even strangers?


I had a hunch the answer involved oxytocin, a brain hormone you may already know a little about, and I was right. Oxytocin induces uterine contractions during childbirth, spurs the release (or letdown) of milk in the nursing mother, and is responsible, at first touch, for her feelings of instant attachment to the newborn. But its benefits go way beyond mother-infant bonding: Oxytocin plays a big role in brokering all of our relationships (men have it, too), strengthening marriages, promoting enduring friendships, even engendering trust among strangers. Many of the health benefits we associate with strong social connections start with this brain chemical--it decreases corticosterone and other stress hormones and helps lower blood pressure. That's reason enough for you to learn how to take maximum advantage of it.


Oxytocin's nickname--"the love hormone"--is well earned: As with a mom and her baby, it's released in the brain in response to hugs, kisses, and caresses, as well as simple touching. It's the main driver of a hormonal feedback loop that accounts for much of marriage's proven health benefit. A hug prompts the release of oxytocin, leading to feelings of closeness, sexual intimacy, and the release of more oxytocin. In fact, orgasm produces a spike in the hormone more than two times the normal level, accounting for the calming postcoital afterglow and greater bonding.


Oxytocin can even induce warmth between strangers. Paul Zak, PhD, of Claremont Graduate University, and colleagues found that study participants given the hormone (through a nasal spray) were more generous toward strangers and trusted them much more than those who did not receive oxytocin. The effects of this natural love potion are amplified by estrogen--one reason women tend to be more physically demonstrative than men (particularly during the high-estrogen days of the month when they're ovulating) and are generally more affected by touch. As estrogen declines during and after menopause, you'll want to take steps to ensure you continue to benefit from this life-enhancing hormone.


Here are some ways:


Surround yourself with positive people and avoid negative, hostile individuals.


Get physical, even if you're not in the mood. A few hugs and kisses will stimulate the release of oxytocin, which will get you there.


Muse about your romantic partner when apart. A University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study showed that when women in good marriages were asked to think about their husbands, their oxytocin levels rose quickly.


Walk hand in hand, or arm in arm, with your spouse, children, and good friends.




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