An Extra Impractical Not-Quite-Connected Rubber Magnifico

An Extra, Extra Long Weekend

Well, I’ll be gone on a camping trip this weekend, so you won’t be hearing from me for a while. My last non-haiku entry ended up being somewhat serious. However, it seemed to generate a lot of great comments and that is a good thing.

This entry will be comprised of several not-so-serious pieces.

Have yourselves a great week, and I’ll be back on Monday!

Impractical Fashion

I understand that there are some articles of clothing out there that raise some eyebrows. Most of these are worn to make a statement, and they end up either showing more skin, or accenting something else. It’s all good.

However, when the style becomes an act of idiocy I shake my head.

I saw a girl on the subway the other day, who was probably fifteen or sixteen (it’s hard to tell because I’m convinced they put breast-growth juice™ in the water in Toronto). She was wearing a tank top which showed off her midriff (which is an acceptable thing, for the most part, these days), and she had on black cotton panties. There was nothing really all that special about them.

They were very plain. I could even draw a picture for you.

How could I do this? How do I know what they looked like so well? Easy. She was wearing her pants below her butt. I kid you not. Rather than allowing her hips to do the work of holding up her pants, she seemed to have decided that it would be far more efficient to wear her pants in a way that caused them to fall down every ten seconds.

When fashion becomes physically impractical it becomes stupid. I was hoping for some kind of emergency evacuation, just to see her try to run with her pants constantly falling down…

Not Quite Connected

Another little tidbit of conversation between Dave and I. We’ve known each other for so long that the stupidest things seem funny. I have no idea how this conversation came up, but Dave turned it into something so silly that it became hilarious. Well, it did for us, anyway…

Jorge: So, I was talking to this girl once about a female hygiene problem.
Dave: Yeah?
J: You know, a problem that has something in common with an ingredient involved in baking bread.
D: Flour?
J: And an ingredient involved in making beer.
D: Rolling pins?
J: There you go.

Incidentally, the girl I was talking about was not my wife. Also please bear in mind that I don’t just talk to women about these kinds of things for no reason. I believe that a commercial aired around the time of that discussion involving a yeast infection treatment. It was quite funny, as the commercial addressed a man’s awkwardness in dealing with stuff like that. As a solution to this problem, the commercial had a small picture-in-picture window in the bottom righthand corner with a football game in progress, just for the guys.


Rubber Johnny

Has anyone seen this film? It is insane. It is a bit creepy, but you have to stick with it to see the really strange part. Check it out. There is no way you can predict movies like this.

Cinco Magnifico

Last year on our trip, one of our friends would handle things in the fire with his bare hands. This earned him the nickname Gloves For Hands. This sparked a conversation about what the rest of us should be called…

Jorge: So, if you’re Gloves For Hands, what does that make me?
B: How about Big Sack?
J: Er….How did you get that?
B: Because you have a big sack?

(Incidentaly, he was referring to the obscenely large backpack I had bought for the trip. The capacity was 110L. It was crazy.)

And so, the Cinco Magnifico was born. A group of superheroes with strange powers. The best power, though, was Prehensile Penis Man (Dave, of course). How did we come up with that name? I don’t even remember.

To celebrate our newfound diversion, I created some t-shirts. During the design process, I was chatting with Dave about logo colours. Essentially, each guy would have a simple man symbol (like the one on washroom doors), with the appropriate part changed to match the power (The logo for Gloves For Hands for example, has red oven mitts superimposed onto the hands of the man symbol). You can imagine what would be superimposed onto the man symbol for the Prehensile Penis Man t-shirt…

Jorge: So I am almost finished with the t-shirts.
Dave: Sweet. Does they look good?
J: I think so. I just need to finish the logos.
D: Awesome.
J: So, what colour do you want your penis?
D: Man, the things you say out loud on the phone.
J: Seriously. I need a colour for each guy. Mine is blue, what do you want yours to be?
D: I don’t know. Purple?
J: Okay.
D: Wait a minute. I don’t know about that now…
J: Don’t worry, it’s just a symbol. Besides, it will be the standard run-of-the-mill purple, not an engorged, veiny purple.
D: That sounds so much better now.

Yep. That the way we usually hash out our ideas. Scary, huh?


21 Responses

  1. Don’t worry…I’ve got the music under control, I think. I never really got into wearing pants that purposely showed your underwear…even the ones that were just meant to show the top of your thong. Now, wearing sexy underwear always makes me feel hot, but I don’t want everyone to see them. If Toronto is putting breast growth juice in the water, then I’m in the wrong town! But in all seriousness… It blows me away the way young girls look anymore. Driving past a junior high one day, I saw all these 13 year olds dressed in mini skirts, stilettos, and belly tops, talking on cell phones and made up like they were headed out to some club opening. They don’t look 13 anymore.

  2. great space u have take a peek at mine anytime

  3. Oh gawd Jorge…what are you trying to do….make me die of laughter….or pee myself with fright!! that rubber johnny video scared my brother who wasnt even in the house! lol..okay maybe not that extreme, but i got chills. ROLLING PINS…oh man…. so funny. i just wanna know how that guy makes beer with rolling pins;) so whats with you and Ian nicknaming everyone:) I think its so fun, i dont really have a nickname that people call me all the time. a few people call me scovix, but meh… it hasnt stuck. ~Leah~

  4. LOL its cool to have those sort of relationships with people.. the convos that comes up are too interesting…

  5. kids these days ..geezz …i have a 13 year old girl ..i hear ya… 🙂 Hope you have a great time this weekend camping! tTFN

  6.’re right..commit me now! lol…funny stuff dude!

  7. Killer post, Jorge. ‘Rolling pin’…who knew it could be so damned funny…. as for veiny purple…. I’m a laughing mess over here. Have fun camping. C

  8. Hello Handsome Man! I hope your weekend was most relaxing. 🙂 Will talk to you on Monday! *hugs* Linette

  9. LOL … first time here and I find your comments and haiku very thought-provoking and at the same time (sometimes) hilariously and horribly TRUE lol! Great writing .. I will be back. Tami (aka Marine Mom)

  10. You have been honing the humour of late… Too funny. Before I forget…Have an amazing time over in Algonquin. Take some great photos too! Have a safe trip! ~ian

  11. dear big sack, that IS scary! but also funny. 🙂 patresa

  12. Heh…. rolling pins… too funny. I often have conversations in similar language with my crazy friend John… I should be writing some of it down… As for the impractical fashion… I know exactly what you mean… I have on no less than THREE occasions seen boys wearing pants that are actually CUT down so short, that they couldn’t POSSIBLY pull them up, even if they wanted to. One guy had them so low on his LEGS… not even hips… that we had to LITERALLY waddle like a penguin, with one hand holding up his pants. It was actually really hilarious and I couldn’t supress my fit of giggles until he was out of earshot… I earned myself what I can only ASSUME was supposed to be a “dangerous” look… but that only turned my light-hearted chuckling into full-on guffaws as I imagined exactly HOW he would attempt to put a stop to my mirth… he would have to take a hand off his pants, unless he has mastered the art of SINGLE-HANDED KUNG-FU, and his pants would fall down… there’s nothing worse than fighting in your underwear… so he wisely kept walking… and I kept laughing… really, I sort of felt bad… obviously society, or perhaps his parents were to blame for his fashion misfortune… if only he had the confidence to go against the ridiculous fashion trends espoused by his peers… i am getting a mental image here… I’m probably lucky that I kept walking too, because no doubt he was waddling straight for the headquarters of his gang… the dreaded ONE-HAND-GANG… and they were no doubt going to give merry waddling chase to me at any moment, and threaten me with one handed vigor… Heh… luckily I managed to get away… Hope you’re having a blast at the cottage Jorge, thank you for entertaining us! James.

  13. I’m a huge fan of football games that have picture-in-picture yeast infection commercials. No?

  14. where’s the fictionary??? or am I just blind..or maybe too drunk…lol anywho take care and visit anytime Jenn

  15. The conversations that ppl can have are amazing *laughs* did you all actually wear those shirts in public? Have a wonderful weekend!!! Hasta Luego.

  16. Lmaoooooooo at “rolling pins”… have to wonder what the world will come since these Mensa candidates always seem to meet and procreate…. I’d kinda like to see that girl run from a burning train or something in those pants too….lol. Hope you’re having a great weekend, Jorge…stop by and say hello when you have the time.. Paige :o)

  17. Are you still gone? It’s good for you… just that it seems like you’ve been gone for a long time. Hope you had a wonderful time.


  19. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend, Jorge. Seems we got up to the same kind of trouble this weekend. Also, have you never heard of: bustles, petticoats, trains, corsets, etc, etc, and even skirts and dresses in general? Women’s fashion has never been practical or functional. Sheesh.

  20. Just popping in to say hi…hope u had a great weekend

  21. In regards to the pants-half-way-down-your-ass thing, I am in total agreement with you. And I’m in high school (the belly of the beast.) Everyday in my science class I have to sheild my eyes from a girl who likes showing off her Winnie-The-Pooh thongs.

    I used to watch Winnie the Pooh… how awfully depressing.

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