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© End the Problem and Jacqui Olliver

Hard AND in Control! How to Stop Emotional Resistance from Affecting Your Sex Life

How to Stop Emotional Resistance from Affecting Your Sex Life
Emotional resistance can be recognized as feeling mentally, physically or emotionally disconnected or
uncomfortable. It often happens when you start feeling anxious… then feels like you’re outside yourself,
trying to get back in. Your thoughts are confused and jumbled and it feels like you are operating out of

The state of emotional resistance is generally caused by over thinking. This often happens when you
have a problem you don’t know how to solve, or you have a problem which is yet to be fully resolved.

Tom went through my “Real EASY Love” advanced coaching program for men, women and couples. Prior
to his sessions with me, while his body seemed to work ok when by himself, when he became intimate
with his wife he wouldn’t get a proper erection or he would lose his hard.

I asked him how he was feeling when he was by himself and could get hard. He replied that he became
really angry and frustrated, REALLY ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED because it all worked fine when he was by
himself but not when he was with his partner!

And so, I asked him, what do you do with that anger and frustration? How does that play out throughout
your day? He replied that it would annoy him all day. He would be driving and contemplating his problem
and how angry he was that he couldn’t get rid of this problem and that the frustration would keep
mounting up throughout his day.

Every time he thought about his problem and how annoying it was that he was fine with himself he
would feel the frustration growing… and these thoughts would consume his day.

If this is something you find yourself doing, you need to stop doing it now! Being in a constantly negative
thought space while you chew on and analyse your problem will NOT help you end the problem! It just
makes you focus more of your attention on the problem… which means that during sex you will still be
predominantly focused on the problem!

So instead of resisting thinking about the things which challenge you sexually, invest your time and
effort in planning (and then imagining) your new coping mechanisms. This requires going over the
complete Hard AND in Control strategies for foreplay, penetration and intercourse provided in the
program summaries.

During sex, you need to give your brain clear signals so it can respond with the correct hormonal
response and muscle programs. Resisting emotions (such as resisting feeling anxious) makes you feel
separate from yourself and prevents you from thinking clearly. You need to neutralize emotions such as

© 2008-and onwards Jacqui Olliver - The Technique Modifier at

© End the Problem and Jacqui Olliver

these. This is because when you try not to think about something, that’s the very thing you are thinking
about, which then takes you off your game!

It’s not enough to just know what is causing your problem and knowing what you need to do to fix it. It’s
also important to imagine yourself implementing these new strategies to get hard, then stay hard and in
control of when you ejaculate. But don’t ignore the emotional responses when they’re triggered!
Because anxiety and other emotions have probably contributed to your problem, getting rid of the
problem completely must include habitually resolving those emotional responses whenever they are

So, if an emotional response is triggered at any time during your imagined scenarios, stop fighting the
discomfort of it and allow that moment to be resolved. (This automatically happens when you stop
fighting it or stop trying to ignore it.) Then go back to your imagined practice again. Emotional responses
may be triggered several times in a row when thinking on this topic, that’s normal. As soon as you stop
fighting each emotional response (anxiety, etc) it immediately passes and all emotional resistance in
that moment is neutralized. This enables you to think clearly because your conscious mind can only
focus on one thing at a time.

Practicing this proven sequence along with the strategies detailed in the Hard AND in Control program
will effectively rewire your brain to neutralize sexual anxiety.

Imagine various sexual scenarios and how you are responding in them with this new knowledge.
Remember to include allowing emotional responses in this process so it becomes second nature to allow
them during the sexual activities which have previously challenged you. By nature of how your brain
works, as you imagine doing this you are now focusing your attention on the solution and therefore
creating a new habitual point of focus for when you are with a partner.

For in-depth training on eliminating sexual anxiety, see the bonus report:
Reprogramming Your Thoughts: How to Train Your Mind to Stop Thinking Negatively About Sex

© 2008-and onwards Jacqui Olliver - The Technique Modifier at