The One-Week Tour de France

An ambitious plan to revitalize the world's greatest bike race and change the lives of cycling fans worldwide

Bike Snob's Tour de France plan
James Startt

Brian Cookson
Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI)
Ch. de la Mêlée 12
1860 Aigle

Dear Brian,

I was delighted to read on and elsewhere that you are contemplating shortening the Tour de France.
As I'm sure you know, the format of the Tour de France has changed and evolved during its history. The very first Tour de France was held in 1903 over the course of 19 days in July, during which the riders competed in six monster stages of approximately 250 miles, with rest days in between each stage. It was, in essence, a newspaper publicity stunt organized by a man named Henri Desgrange.

Incidentally, this epic race captured the imagination of a young British boy named Phil Liggett, who would have to wait until the dawn of the Golden Age of Radio over 15 years later to begin his career in broadcasting.

Yes, he is that old.

Anyway, over the years, the Tour de France grew in popularity and gradually took on the format we know today, which is a three-week affair of pro-forma daily racing in which a bunch of trade teams ride robotically around France, and in which the overall winner becomes more or less a fait accompli on the first climb.

Also, sometimes there's a team time trial.

Look, I'm not saying the Tour is boring. It's just that this is the 21st century and three weeks is a really long time time to pay attention to anything now. Sure, in the early 1900s the French needed a dependable source of summer entertainment during the dog days of summer while they killed time before the start of World War I. But today we have TV and smartphones and computers, and entire cultural phenomena are born, grow, and die over a single three-week period.

Remember Alex from Target? Yeah, neither does anyone else.

Plus, even the Summer Olympics are only 17 days long, and that's only every four years—and even then there are only like three people watching towards the end. By the closing ceremonies even the athletes' parents have switched over to Netflix.

Meanwhile, on top of the Tour de France, we're supposed to also watch the Giro d'Italia and the Vuelta a Espana? Come on! We're talking nine weeks on Grand Tours alone! Boy, you guys sure aren't making it easy on us cycling fans. How do you expect us to fit in the Classics and some of the other stage races—let alone some of the more arcane disciplines over which you hold dominion, such as track, and mountain biking, and artistic cycling?

(You know, artistic cycling—it's the one that's like ice dancing, only on bikes.  I bet you didn't even realize that was one of yours.)
In any case, I'm not writing to vent. I'm writing to say I'm glad to hear you're finally coming around, and also to offer you some advice. See, I've got a fantastic idea for you that you can have for free. Here it goes:

1) Shorten the Tour de France to one (1) week;

2) Shorten the Giro and the Vuelta to one (1) week each as well;

3) Run them all consecutively in July. Bang, bang, bang.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?  How awesome would that be?  Three weeks, three Grand Tours! The marketing campaign practically writes itself. (The marketing campaign is "Three Weeks, Three Grand Tours," just in case that wasn't clear.) Sure, I know in the end it's not up to you, and that ultimately the power lies with ASO and RCS, but I have faith that you can sell it to them. I mean, just think of all those viewers!

(Also make sure to show them this letter.)

Plus, this new arrangement would finally make it possible for a single rider to sweep all three Grand Tours! There could even be a special jersey for the triple-crown winner. It would be one-third pink, one-third yellow, and one-third red—and 100% revolting.

Thanks very much for your consideration. If you take my advice, I predict unprecedented popularity for the sport within three years, not to mention an unexpected surge in artistic cycling.

Bike Snob NYC

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