Woman: Stop Calling Yourself A Victim

Happy Women’s Month to all the amazing women out there! Cheers to another year of awesomeness being a woman! May we all grow to be the best version of women this world needs. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

This post is more of an insight on the recent buzz that I’ve been seeing all over social media about ‘the other women’ calling themselves “victims” of cheating husbands. I’m not really a patola (reactive) over such crazy social media issues, but at this age and time, saying “I really don’t know” or “I’m innocent” is something you cannot use as an excuse for your shortcomings. With the technology that we have today, how can you not know if the man you are dating or going out with is not married?

If ignorance of the law excuses no one, then ignorance of your so-called boyfriend’s marital status won’t excuse you as well.

I remember the first time when my then new friend (now husband) told me that he is not using his Facebook account because he forgot the password. My instinct already told me that he is lying. Days later he confessed that he actually knows his password but won’t use it for awhile until he made sure first that all traces of his past 8-year relationship are deleted. He humbly said sorry and repented for lying at first.

He also showed me all his valid IDs and PDS (Personal Data Sheet) or resumé before he pursued me. That was his way of introducing his full identity to me. Note that IDs usually contain contact details of spouse or parents (for singles). That’s why I know and confident that he’s single, but I didn’t settle with only those piece of information.

When he finally said he was going to pursue me, I did a background check of him. We don’t have common friends, so just imagine how hard it is for me to find knowledge about him. Thankfully, I have friends with connections to his line of work. We were able to call key people who has a direct authority over him. I call this as the Character Referencing.

I also observed how he acts around his friends — Does he look secretive? Is he intimidating his friends to speak only good things about him? Is he willing to take me out with his closest buddies and family members? Moreover, is he proud that he is dating me? Is he willing to introduce me to the world that I am his and he is mine? Naturally, men takes pride with what they have. If they can post their new shoes on Facebook but not your face, then there’s something you should worry about.

And, before I gave my “Yes” to him, I asked for a Cenomar (Certificate of No Marriage). Because I want to make sure that I am not dating someone else’s man. The Cenomar was even delivered to my office address from PSA to make sure it is not tampered at all.

You see, in this age and time, there are so many ways to find out if a man is married or not. Try Google!

Above all, look for God’s leading and ask for godly advise. Surround yourself with women who will be there to check on you and rebuke you when necessary. There are so many women out there who kept their relationship status to themselves, believing that they can handle their relationships alone. I’m telling you, you cannot do it alone. You need accountability, but make sure that your accountability partners are from the Lord.

Woman, know that your brain is above your deceitful heart.

Stop calling yourself a victim because the only victims in a ruined marriage (out of an extramarital affair) is the wife and her children.

You are not innocent. You are ignorant.

You are not a victim. You are an accomplice for letting the suspect get away.

You should not seek pity. You should seek more wisdom.

To the single women reading this, may you choose to be wise with when and who to date, so that at the end of the day, you will not call yourself a victim. You are meant to be pursued. You are loved. And, you are destined for victory.