Woman slammed as 'selfish' for not wanting to be her bridesmaid's bridesmaid 10 months ago


A newly-married woman has been slammed as "selfish" for not wanting to be a bridesmaid for her own engaged bridesmaid.

She explained that the biggest reason she turned down the bride was because she wanted to enjoy her post-wedding life for a little while.

The woman began by saying that her friend had "just assumed" she would be one of her bridesmaids - and she had only found out about it when she was told what day they were going dress shopping.

She added that while she had found the assumption "rude", her friend "is ordinarily a very well-intentioned person and I didn’t actually want to hurt her. She has other bridesmaids already so I’m not leaving her devoid of assistance."

Turns out it's crazy expensive to be someone's bridesmaid in Ireland

In her Mumsnet post, she continued:

"I’d happily never be a bridesmaid again to be honest, but also I’m only a few months out of my own wedding and just want to enjoy being a newlywed with no damn ‘wedmin’ to deal with.

"I also saw a comment on a wedding/baby thread (not meaning to offend anyone involved with this reference) implying that the friend wasn’t good because ‘they probably felt they’d done weddings’ - and I thought, well yes, she has done her wedding and she is under no obligation to ‘do’ anyone else’s??

"Traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried women, acknowledging that married women were now onto the next chapter of their lives! I’m not saying it should have to be that way, but when did prioritising your own next chapter become wrong?

"I expect that friends will generally be happy for me when I announce that something I want is happening, but I certainly do not expect them to go bananas or be involved.

"If I invite them be involved I’m content with being turned down. I decided to have a bridesmaid for practical purposes and I asked only what was necessary of her as I feel that being a bridesmaid is doing someone a real favour, she also got a choice in everything, which we paid for, for the same reason.

"Is this really so odd? To believe that no one is obliged to dedicate themselves to your life event unless they are literally involved (eg; your fiancé)?

"I’m delighted for her, looking forward to the wedding (if I get an invitation now!), have said I’m happy to offer advice, have thought of a great gift etc, but I just don’t want to be a flippin’ bridesmaid and I don’t see why that’s such a scandal."

The woman admitted that her opinion has raised some eyebrows, but that she didn't quite see what the problem was.

She continued:

"I am aware that I’m considered quite selfish with my time and energy (bonafide introvert) but I didn’t think my opinion on this particular topic was so unusual?!

"Men and women alike have GASPED in horror when I said I didn’t want to be my bridesmaid’s bridesmaid."

However, Mumsnet users didn't quite give her the response we imagined she would be expecting - with many of them labelling her decision "selfish".

bridesmaid gift

One person said:



Someone else wrote:

"She probably thought she should return the gesture. I'd be hurt tbh if I were her, I'd feel a bit used. You are being selfish lets be honest."

Another person asked:

"Why should she be down a bridesmaid because you got in there first? What happens to the last person in a friendship group to get married?

"I think you're being selfish and unreasonable."

A different Mumsnet user said:

"Wow you basically can't be bothered but you got her to bother for you. User."