Question for Parents with Kids with Food Allergies...

Updated on February 22, 2013
J.G. asks from Rochelle, IL
20 answers

My daughter, who has no food allergies, has a little friend who she wants to have over for a playdate or sleepover soon that has food allergies. She has a few, but the big one is peanuts. I know that a peanut allergy is nothing to mess with. I also know that there are a LOT of foods that contain, or possibly contain, traces of peanuts.
Needless to say, we haven't actually scheduled anything at our house yet, mostly because I am terrified! My nightmare is something going wrong and sending her running for her epipen or the ER, or both. (My daughter is 4 1/2 and her friend just turned 5)
As a mother with children who have no allergies, I have no idea how to prep my home for a visit from a child who has a peanut allergy. So, for you parents out there who have children with food allergies, what would I need to do to safely have this little girl come over and play?
I mean I know the obvious, of keeping all foods with peanut or peanut traces either out of the house, or somewhere completely seperate, to keep cross contamination from happening. (But I am such a worrier I would probably just get it all out of the house) I would like to know how to get things set up before we set a day and time for them to play togeher.

EDIT: I should probably mention her mother told me that her peanut allergy was a 5 on the scale, but honestly I am not completely sure what that means.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the feedback! I will make sure to talk a bit more in depth with the mother about her daughter's allergies. I think having her and her mother over first will probably be my first deal, then we will work up to a sleep over.
I would much rather over think something than accidentally hurt a child.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

You need to talk to the mom and find out just how sensitive she is, what precautions you need to take, and what her typical reaction is.

I have a child with food allergies and I don't know what "a 5" means. I suppose we all quantify it differently.

I like the idea of having the mom and daughter over the first time so that you are more at ease. Then you'll be more comfortable for the next time.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Talk to her mom. Find out what kind of reaction she has and how severe. One of SS's friends can't have peanuts and we were told he had his epi pen and that he knew how to use it (teenager). The kid could be *around* peanuts but not eat them. Not everyone needs an epi pen. My DD cannot have apples but only gets tummy trouble. You do not know what you need to do til you talk to the child's parents. If it were my DD we were talking about, I'd ask if I should send a snack or juice that she could have and that would be all we'd have to do.

ETA: If the mom used a term you do not understand, ask her to break it down to practical terms. What does it mean?

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Appleton on

Invite the Mom and daughter over together for a playdate. While Mom is there go over all of your precautions and see if this is the correct way to do this.
Once her Mom has okayed your methods you shoul be able to relax.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Severity of food allergies range from behavior and mild rash to anaphylaxis. The best thing to do is to talk to the parents. They'll know best what to do for their child and they'll appreciate your concern.

ETA: I don't know what a "5" is, either, and I have kids with food allergies. Just ask.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

My daughter has a friend with a peanut allergy. And another friend that is allergic to DUST and pet fur. Both of which we have. Who doesn't have dust in their house? Then another friend of my daughter, is allergic to Bees/bee stings. We have a yard and we garden and the kids go outside to play and there are, Bees in the environment. It can't be helped.

So anyway, I ask the Moms about their daughters allergies.... and I tell them how my house is, and I ask them what THEY want me to do, per their kid's allergy and that they bring their EPI pen with them etc. and that they take their allergy meds before, they come to my house. And then I simply do NOT have or serve anything with nuts in it.
And for the other friend, well she just stays away from our pet rabbit. And the other one plays outside normally. And if there is a Bee flying around... well common sense you don't go by it or irritate it.
And I clean the house as I normally do. Not overkill though. And the Mom KNOWS that no house is dust free anyway. They don't expect... my home to be a Museum.

Its been fine when my daughter's friends come over, that have allergies.

For you: if you don't know what "a 5 scale is"... then, ASK the Mom.
Tell the Mom you have no idea what to do about your home/kitchen etc., per her child's peanut allergy. Just TELL the Mom. Because, the other Mom cannot expect you to be a Doctor and know everything.
Just ask.
The Mom... cannot expect you... to know everything about HER daughter's allergy. You are not a Doctor, you are not a school or Health Aide. So just ask her and... tell her how your house is.

Per all my daughter's friends who have allergies, well, they come over to our house to play, all.the.time.
It has never been a problem.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

As others have said, you need to find out how severe her reaction is and to what degree of contact. But her Mom may not really know. If the child carries an epi-pen, you should have her Mom train you on how to use it. The epi-pens usually come with a training one. Also, you need to be trained on the signs to look for. If the child just gets a rash, it may be okay to treat with Benadryl first. If the child is in obvious distress, turning blue, mouth swelling on the inside, then an epi-pen is called for (plus call 911 afterwards).

I have one son that is allergic to peanuts and some tree nuts. His only reaction that we are aware of was wheezing 3 hours after ingesting half a peanut butter sandwich. He tested off the charts in terms of his allergy testing results. However, without doing a challenge test where we have him try some peanuts, we do not know if his reaction will only be to ingestion or if touch will affect him or if trace amounts will also affect him. Nut allergies can get worse with exposure. So just because he didn't need an epi-pen the first time doesn't mean he many not need one now.

Also, the level (or number) at which the allergy test reports does not indicate what type of reaction the person will have. It's more an indicator for whether or not they are or may grow out of the allergy.

Since my son is young still (4), we have not done the challenge test because he cannot describe how he is feeling well enough yet. So we avoid all nuts, including trace amount of nuts, and anything manufactured in a plant that processes nuts.

In your house, I'd recommend cleaning counters or tables that may have been in contact with nuts prior to inviting the child over. Plus ask the parent what snack foods are good or safe to give.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

Kudos to you for thinking of this and wanting to be a good host. One of my girls has a peanut allergy (a 3 on the scale... although... the scale really means nothing according to the pediatric allergist). But, someone who ranks a 3 or a 5 on the scale can live a normal life as long as they avoid peanuts. If you were going to have my daughter over, I would hope you'd:

1. Not serve peanuts or peanut butter to anyone while she was there.
2. Not serve jelly from the same jelly jar that you've made PB&J sandwiches from. There could still be traces of peanut butter in the jelly even if you can't see them.
3. Not offer snacks that contain peanuts. Stick to easy things like cheese, pretzels, popcorn, yogurt. Granola bars are almost always bad choices - they're made on the same equipment as peanuts usually.
4. Um... that's probably it. Really, you don't have to overthink it. Unless your children regularly paint their room in peanut butter... you don't have to clean or do anything unusual. Just choose food that are ones with obviously no peanut products and you're fine.

I have a few products containing peanuts in my house even though my daughter is allergic. I just don't serve them to her (or eat them when she's home, to be honest). So please don't feel the need to remove the peanut butter from your house. Just stick it in a cabinet. This little girl is certainly aware of her allergy and will not go looking for something that will make her sick!

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answers from New York on

Ask the mom what you should do - tell her what you told us. I am sure that she would be happy to give you information on how to handle the allergy in your home. If it was my child I would really appreciate the seriousness and effort that you are taking to prevent any exposure.

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answers from Chicago on

Hi! I have a son with lots of allergies including all nuts. Please don't stress. I would be really sad if someone go th this worked up about my son coming over. A 5 is the highest level, but you don't know what that means. It is individual to each person. A 3 for one person may be a small rash but for another it is a big reaction. The numbers are only used as comparisons when they retest the allergy to see if it is getting worse or possibly going away.

Talk to the mom and if she needs to bring an epic pen have her show you how to use it. They come with a fake trainer pen you can practice with. Ask what she can have as a snack and just make sure to
your hands. If she would feel better she could always send a snack if it is a big worry. Just find out the info to keep from stressing. It's really not that bad!


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answers from Rochester on

You need to speak with this child's mother, who will be able to answer all of your questions. She will appreciate you being candidly honest...that you don't know how to deal with this, but are willing to learn. I know that, as a parent of a child with serious food issues, I'd rather some ask 50 questions than brush it off like it's no big deal.

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answers from Spokane on

My children do not have food allergies, but I do.

Like Veronica mentioned there are different levels of reaction ~ I can make p.b. sandwiches, touch peanuts but I cannot eat anything with peanuts or even a trace of peanut oil.

Talk to the parents. Find out where she is on her level of reaction. That will help a ton in knowing what you need to do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Providence on

It is very thoughtful of you to think of this in advance. My son is allergic to peanuts..though he's only 20 months so I haven't had to leave him alone yet for playdates. You aready got some good ideas - I would definitely ask his mom if she wants to give you the epiPen and Benadryl so you have it on hand in case of a reaction. And have her show you to how use the epiPen, just in case. Also I assume you have her cell phone number in case you need to reach her at any point. The only other thing is I would add is just make sure you wash the kids' hands after they eat. Even though you already said you have read labels and obviously you're not going to give them anything with any traces of still can't hurt to get them all washed up after they eat. It will be fine!!

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answers from Green Bay on

I would talk to the mom as well.

Her allergy is a 5 on WHAT scale? 1 to 5? 1 to 10? ?? Big difference between the two!!

I would also ask mom what types of symptoms she exhibits if she comes in contact with something she shouldn't. Some kids get an upset stomach and are sent running to the bathroom, while others break out in a rash/hives, while others have the dangerous swelling, difficulty breathing, etc.

How many reactions has the little girl had thus far? If she hasn't had many, and being only 5, she may not know to run for her epipen herself, so more supervision might be key.

Talk to the other mom...

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answers from Philadelphia on

talk to the mom and ask what would make her feel safe.

Emmy is allergic to strawberries thats a whole diferent animal than peanuts. For emmy when she was under 2 for the people we were VERY close with they knew not to bring strawberries for their kids or juice with it in it in case the kids kissed or shared drinks...after 2 it wasnt a big deal. she knew what she could have and to ask if it was artificial from a very young age

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answers from Las Vegas on

Hi J.,

No need to be terrified or worry so much. I'm a mom of a child with food allergies, and you can host this child without significant worry. You're already on the right track with common-sense precautions and a willingness to learn about food allergies.

Talk to the mom and get more specific information. Find out what she suggests in order to keep her child safe while in your home. Ask for the list of all of her allergies (even things that show up as "mild" on testing can cause problems if those foods are ingested). Find out what her action plan is----allergists give a flow chart to parents that show what to do if there is a problem.

If it's an ingestion only allergy, you won't have to do much other than keeping peanuts/peanut-containing items away from this child where she cannot accidentally ingest them. It would also be a good idea not to allow other children to eat peanuts or PB right before and during the visit. We all know kids are famous for not washing their hands completely, and they could transfer PB or peanut oils to toys, door handles, towels, etc., where the other little girl could get it on her hands and then accidentally ingest from that.

Find out if she carries an EpiPen Jr., and if so, ask the mom to demonstrate use of it. Every EpiPen comes with a training devise. You can also visit the EpiPen website to familiarize yourself with administration and go to the
The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network at for more information on keeping kids with allergies safe. It's a great resource.

Our youngest had a peanut allergy when he was younger (he's since outgrown that one). We still had peanut butter in the house---with limits and continual education of family members---like not to stick the knife that was covered in PB into the jar of preserves and to wash hands thoroughly & use a paper towel to dry after using PB, for example.

Our son still has tree nut and sesame seed allergies, and we have both in the house. We keep those items separate from foods that our son eats.

As long as you communicate with the child's mother and familiarize yourself with common-sense precautions, you should be fine.

As a mom with a child with food allergies, I want to thank you for being a concerned person with respect to food allergies. A lot of times, people fall into the extreme camps----The "why should I have to change anything about my life for your kid?" camp and the "oh my goodness ban everything in the world camp." Thank you SO much for wanting to learn about practical, common-sense practices so that kids with allergies can still be included and stay safe!

All the best to you.

J. F.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

The most important thing is to communicate with the mom. Find out what the "5" means and what types of things can set her off. Obviously, you know already not to feed her peanut products. But what if you daughter at a PB&J sandwich a couple of days earlier - is that enough to trigger a reaction in the friend? For some kids, it probably is, but for many, it isn't. A 5 on the scale is high, but she still may have different triggers.

For example: my son is allergic to peanuts. He's never eaten one and we don't know how he would react if he did. However, he does not have a problem at all eating foods that were processed in the same facility as peanuts. He can also be around other people eating peanut products. He has had a minor reaction (small rash around his mouth) when he was at a baseball game and the person next to him was eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the ground, so he was in close proximity to a lot of peanut dust flying around.

Anyway, ask the mom for a few specific foods that she thinks are safe for dinner, snacks, and breakfast. Have her give you specific brands so you know exactly what to buy. This has worked very well with my son's friends when he is going to their house for a play date or party.

Kudos to you for being such a caring and considerate friend!

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answers from Chicago on

You have already gotten a lot of great answers. My husband and son are both allergic to milk. My husband is a 5 and my son is a 3, but in the end they are both allergic and we treat them the same. They both carry epi-pens and we keep Benadryl at all times.

If I were you I would ask the Mom if the child will be bringing these items with her, just in case, and ask her what dose the child needs of Benadryl if she is exposed. You might also ask her if she is more comfortable sending snacks for her daughter, if she will need snacks while she is at your house. However, fresh fruit will probably be safe if she is only allergic to peanuts. I don't think I have ever met anyone that is allergic to apples.

To ease your worries, my husband is nearly 40 years old and has been allergic to milk (a 5) his entire life and has never used his Epi-pen. My son is 3 and he is able to tell us if he accidently gets milk, he can feel it in his mouth immediately, and we give him Benadryl and he is fine. This happens maybe once every 6 months or so. He knows to ask whether he can eat something before putting it in his mouth. The problems we have are that food manufacturers change their ingredients, but if we stay away from premade, processed foods, we don't have any problems.

Also, my 6 year old daughter has made sure she tells everyone who might possibly consider giving her brother food that he is allergic to milk since she was 2. Kids figure these things out pretty early. So most likely your daughter's friend already knows how to deal with her allergy herself since she is 5. So again, you needn't worry too much.

Good luck!

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answers from San Francisco on

We have friends and their son has a serious peanut allergy. We love having him over. I was nervous at first. But..his mom knows the severity and still feels comfortable letting him play at our home without her ever watchful eye on him.

She always sends him with his own food in a small cooler...along with an epi pen. He is 10..he has survived life so far with the precautions we all take around him.

Knock on wood I never have to use the pen on him.

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answers from Chicago on

The best thing to do is talk to the mom and ask her what precautions she feels comfortable with and what type of snack you could offer (fruit and veggies are always safe for the most part). The mom will appreciate the extra mile you are going to keep her kid safe and will be happy to talk to you. There are videos on line you can watch to see how you administer an Epi Pen just in case there were to be an incident. Watch some of those, the more your are prepared the more relaxed you will be!

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answers from Portland on

I urge you to talk with the child's mother. My granddaughter has a peanut allergy and visiting her friends' homes do NOT require any prepping. She cannot have peanuts. That's an easy one. Just read labels. She does fine with peanuts in the house. She just cannot eat them. But if she does, nothing major happens. For her she'll have an asthma attack.

So, it really depends on how sensitive this child is to peanuts. Ask the mother. She'll know what you need to do. No need to stress over this when the mother will be able to work with you.

Yes, we hear all the time about anaphylactic shock and children carry epi-pens. Medicine is erring on the side of caution. It is rare for a child to have that serious of a reaction. My granddaughter is now 12 and has never had to use the epi-pen. Neither has any of the children with peanut allergies at her large school. I suggest that you're over thinking this situation.

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