When wedding planning, it doesn't take long for the anticipation and expectation to set in. What you're "supposed to do" becomes infinitely more important than what you thought you always wanted. Your dreams and desires compete with the barrage of questions, and comments from friends and family; you may notice yourself starting to sacrifice, give up, or give in.

We get you. This is a time in your life where everyone seems to know better, or know the person who knows better. From the planning process to your photography, your wedding dress to your décor, here are all the things you're expected to do—and the chic ways to dare to be different.

The Venue

Elizabeth Messina

The immediate assumption about where you'll wed is that your venue will be a place that's hosted a wedding before.

Prepare for your mother or future mother-in-law to recall weddings of their friends' children, the good and the bad. Tune out all the noise and establish what is important to you and to your partner.

Are there key guests who can't travel long distances? Is there a location, city, or type of property that is meaningful to you and your fiancé, or that played a strong role in your relationship (summer trips to the beach, winters spent upstate, dates at your favorite speakeasy, a proposal abroad)? Let those emotional connections be your guide to sorting out the place you'll eventually say your vows.

Challenge conventional event manager thinking and ask hotels you love if renting out spaces not conventionally used for weddings is a possibility for you; often a hotel restaurant, lobby, or bar is infinitely more chic than their ballroom. Carpeted event spaces will slowly become the bane of your photography goals. Gravitate towards spaces that already have elements of décor that you love, rather than renting a space and changing everything about it.

The Parties

Kristen Raines and Zack Christopher
Christian Oth

Think outside the box of what your guests expect and create an event you would want to attend yourselves.

A ceremony starting promptly at 3 p.m. with guests clearing out of your reception venue by 10 p.m. is ordinary. Most couples don't party that way on an average weekend, let alone at what is intended to be the best party they've ever attended or hosted. This was where after parties and full-throttle wedding weekends come in. Some aspects of the formula are tough to alter, but nobody will question you if you choose to reorganize them.

If you're planning a weekend away, create a destination experience your friends won't mind splurging on. Spread out the moments of celebration to make the trip enjoyable and jet-lag manageable. Host a welcome dinner for your guests, a rehearsal dinner the following evening, your ceremony and a more formal dinner party once everyone has settled in, and then save your dance-all-night reception or an action-packed pool party for the day after the wedding.

Another option? Make your actual ceremony an exclusively family affair abroad, then head home for a party with a much larger guest list that, thanks to your private vow exchange, feels as though you've spared no expense.

The Photography

Elizabeth Messina

Your wedding day shot list likely consists of the following: bride and groom getting ready, bride and bridesmaids in matching robes, wedding dress hanging, mom helping bride zip up her wedding gown, bride putting on her shoes (or pretending to), bride and bridal party portraits, family portraits, first look shots…the list goes on.

Which of these are you most likely to frame and have in your home? Which of them will make it into an heirloom album? Odds are a solid amount of these expected shots could be cut and replaced with a more thoughtful portrait session of you in your gown and the two of you as a couple. Years down the line, brides rarely think about the photos of their gowns hanging in a doorway, or a close-up of a napkin ring.

Another option? Give your photographer carte blanche. Most top photographers have a range of work in their repertoire, but don't be afraid to pull images that speak to you to share with your photographer prior to the wedding. Most importantly, spend more time focusing on the elements that you'll truly want to remember.

The Dress

FIH Fotografie

You heard it here first: not all wedding gowns are strapless. And yours doesn't need to abide by any rules whatsoever.

If you would never wear white regularly, shop in color. Do not get your heart set on a gown you cannot afford, or demand yards of lace, hand beading, Couture construction and a designer label without being prepared to pay the price tag that comes with it.

Do not sacrifice on fit; consider your setting, venue, and ceremony's time of day as you shop. Shop where it makes sense for you, even if it means the eveningwear selection of a top-tier department store, the flagship boutique of your favorite designer, or a trusted vintage dealer could potentially have the dress you've been envisioning.

Go with your gut and enlist the help of those you truly trust. It's okay if that person is a stylist or a coworker, and not your mother, sister or best friend.

The Décor & Details

Putnam & Putnam

Being daring with your wedding décor does not mean being a bohemian, a rebel, a beach bride, or any specific style.

Most importantly, the details won't matter if they do not suit your venue. Avoid thinking about your wedding as a theme party, and focus on a color palette and motifs that feel unique to you as a couple and to your setting.

Remember that your guests will remember their experience at the event, first and foremost. Communal tables are inclusive, and bond your guests during dinner so that dancing is that much more fun. Don't feel confined to whites, metallics or blush; rich, layered color palettes are just as formal. The goal is to always be effortless in feel, but thoughtful in execution.


FIH Fotographie

If you want to have a friend conduct your ceremony rather than a religious officiant, do so. If you want to forgo a first look and get ready together as a couple, nobody should be stopping you.

Bridesmaids (regardless of what your best friends may say) are not required. Serving a coursed meal isn't either–although it is the most elegant. Speeches aren't necessary, but sentimental toasts make the day feel that much more intimate and special.

Do not embrace any tradition simply because you feel your wedding requires it. If you don't want to wear something old, borrowed, or blue, skip it. Your guests might also appreciate things like a prolonged cocktail hour, personalized vows, editorial photographs of them rather than posed "guest shots," and a wedding favor they can actually use.

Throw out the traditional bridal rule book. We dare you.