Picture the scene, you've been sitting in the same traffic jam on Brighton Road for the past four hours, and you've had plenty of time to vent your frustration.

But when you've finished venting, you start to think about all the other things you hate about driving through Croydon in the morning.

Luckily, we've done the thinking for you, and as regular Croydon commuters ourselves, we think we can share the burdens out equally.

With that in mind, here are the 13 things everyone hates about commuting in Croydon

1. Slowly wasting away on Brighton Road

Remember how I mentioned Brighton Road in the introduction to this list? Well, there's a reason for that.

Scientists estimate that the average human spends about 25 years of their lives sleeping. The same team of scientists has now estimated that you spend an average of 26 years sitting in your car on Brighton Road.

Be sure to pack supplies to last for a few weeks, and make sure you bring a satellite tracker so that your family can bring you fresh supplies if needed.

I might be exaggerating, but only by a tiny bit.

2. Speed cameras

You wake up on time, and you decide to reward yourself by pressing the snooze button.

Next time you open your eyes, it's 15 minutes before you're due in for your appraisal with your boss. There's only one option - throw your clothes on and rush into the office.

But there's a dilemma.

Either you can drive in as normal and risk losing your job, or you can drive in quickly and rack up £6,000 in speeding tickets. I mean, I've had better choices to make.

3. Fiveways Junction

Everyone's least favourite junction: Fiveways

Lights, speeds cameras, inaction. Not much moves at this intersection of major roads, and when it does it is not always clear where.

Even when the lights turn green, a driver unfamiliar with the junction will probably have a moment of panic and just stop in the middle of the junction, adding to the chaos.

There are an intimidating number of lane-crossing options, and you have to be pretty sure which of the five ways is for you.

The speed cameras stationed on roads near the junction probably have plenty of film left, as the average speed would seem to be a crawl through the tailbacks which build up at rush hour.

4. Purley Way's indecisiveness

When you see the "this will soon become a one lane road" sign, please be prepared to merge into one lane.

Yes, I know Purley Way is quite wide but, for some parts, it is only one lane. I promise.

Although I fully appreciate that it does go back to two lanes eventually, overtaking people when it is a single lane is an unwise choice.

5. Parking headaches

Finally, you're through all the traffic, you're down to your last banana but you're though. Now all you have to do is find somewhere to park.

My apologies, I made that sound as if parking is an easy thing to do.

Finding a spot on the street? It's just not going to happen.

Eventually, you succumb to the inevitable and park in a multistorey, and it only costs £13 and one eighth of your soul.

6. Driving through Sanderstead

Driving from Hamsey Green to Sanderstead into South Croydon takes 13 minutes according to Google Maps.

Oh Google Maps, why must you lie?

Feel free to quadruple that time and then add a bit extra on for good measure, because this four mile drive has the potential to take over an hour.

I hear War and Peace is a good audio book; you could probably listen to the whole thing during one journey.

7. Purley Cross

Traffic at Purley Cross

What is the meaning of life?

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

What lane am I supposed to be in when driving around Purley Cross?

These are arguably the three biggest questions throughout all of human history, and funnily enough, the answer to all of them is the same.

"Who knows?"

All I know is, it's probably not the one that you're actually in.

8. You're probably in a bus lane

Particularly on your first trip to the centre of Croydon, the number of bus lanes can be a source of utter confusion.

It's probably a good idea to visit Croydon at least seven or eight times on foot. Bring a pen and paper and make detailed notes, you're going to need them.

My general tip is, if there's a bus in front of and behind you, it's time to panic.

9. Most residential areas have 20mph limits

There are now 20mph signs across Croydon
There are now 20mph signs across Croydon

Yes, this is true.

However, we'll forgive you for not believing us as no-one seems to be able to distinguish '20' from '30' anymore.

As my old driving instructor used to say: "It's a limit, not a target".

According to Croydon Council, the main aims of the introduction of a 20mph speed limit in an area are to:

  • improve road safety
  • discourage passing through traffic
  • encourage walking and cycling
  • improve the local environment

You may well not like it, but unfortunately these are the rules, so do try to stick to the limit. We don't want anyone getting unnecessary speeding tickets! Or more importantly, anyone getting hurt.

10. One of the most dangerous junctions in London

I reckon most of you will be able to guess which junction this is.

The Lombard Roundabout has been named as one of the most dangerous junctions in London - news which probably won't surprise motorists who use its countless entry and exit points frequently.

It is the only Croydon junction to be targeted as part of Transport for London's Safer Junctions programme, meaning it will now be continually monitored and reviewed annually.

Arrangements to make the Lombard Roundabout safer have now been made within TfL's business plan.

So, yeah, avoid if you can.

11. Succumbing to Succombs Hill

Calls have been made for the steep Succombs Hill to become a one-way road

OK, Succombs Hill isn't actually in Croydon's boundaries but most people from the borough will have over it on their morning commute.

In Warlingham, it has to be one of the steepest hills in the world that it is actually possible to drive up.

To make matters worse, at its steepest point there's suddenly a sharp bend. It's the sort of place where cruel driving instructors must take learners if they want to crush any ambitions they harbour of ever passing their test.

Take it in anything higher than second gear and it's going to end in tears.

12. Parental blindness

No, after your sir/madam, just stop in the middle of the road to let little Lily get out the car for school. We'll just wait here.

At least pull over and put your hazard lights on so that we all know you're an idiot.

Not only are you risking being called a "nincompoop" by other drivers, but it's actually pretty dangerous.

13. M23 onto A23

You know the point where the Atlantic Ocean meets the Pacific Ocean and it gets incredibly choppy?

Well, imagine the waves are cars and you've basically got the M23 onto A23 slip road.

Merging is pretty straightforward activity most of the time, but something about this little piece of road that makes everyone the most aggressive merger on the planet.