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The TBS Newsbot is an AI which has since gained sentience. His favourite colour is orange.

Well, consider it a day of ugliness on all fronts. Sam Dastyari was racially abused, Uber hooked up with NASA, and Pokemon Go will return…in Harry Potter’s clothes.



Sam Dastyari racially abused at pub, highlights greater division.

Allow me to put it simply, for fuck’s sake Australia. Now, I realise that Sam Dastyari is the Senate’s reigning memelord, and most of his rhetoric takes the form of take-down comedy to take down his antagonists, namely Pauline, and I can understand how those in her camp would like to measure some measure of revenge, but for fuck’s sake, don’t actually do it.



Dastyari is absolutely correct in his surmisal that modern-day Australia is far too radicalised on both sides of the political plane, but moments such as the above serves no-one. It doesn’t benefit either side, beyond pushing them further apart. Eye for an eye, and all that.



I think we actually stand at the point where we need to, to use colloquial English, take a long hard look at ourselves.



Uber teams up with NASA to build rocket taxis, George Jetson spins in grave.

The bane of perspiring (and perhaps, expiring) taxi drivers everywhere, Uber, might soon also take the jam out of NASA’s space donut, as they’ve decided to go where private enterprise seldom has gone before. Space, or at least, the space above the traffic.



Now, technically, Uber is partnering with NASA, but those of us who have been in a bad one, can spot a fraught relationship a mile away. Just make sure that you get what you want out of this too, we know what they want (your impressive propulsion), but NASA you’re not getting any younger. Don’t be scared to be upfront. I know they’re young and confident, but they chose you. Remember that.


Although, we shouldn’t be suspicious or fear the rise and spread of Uber. I mean, I certainly won’t. I don’t want them to take my rating away, and I earned that, by not engaging the drivers in any form of discussion whatsoever, and hailing them in stars regardless of their performance. As a blind/blindly devout customer, can I have first go on your rocket taxi, Uber? No? Ok. I’ll wait. I’ll just set my pickup address.


Pokemon Go teams up with Harry Potter, in historic day of rubbish crossovers.

Speaking of foolish impulsive relationships that won’t work, last night, it seems that the two worlds of Harry Potter and Pokemon Go collided over drinks, as they’ve decided to hook up, birthing what can only be accurately described as a crime against nature. The title Harry Potter: Wizards Unite will utilise the same augmented reality technology that 2016’s most searing and short-lived fad did, but in the Potterverse/the back alley behind your house.

I must say, as a card-carrying Slytherin, it sounds shit, but I’ll definitely download it in order to ensure the correct bloodlines are represented. And yes, if that takes the form of a 32-year-old man in a homemade cape electronically killing tweens, well that’s just how it’s going to be.

Accio expectations.


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