Thursday, October 13, 2011

Badger Preview: Indiana

I can't confirm it, but I'm pretty sure that was the best bye week ever. Just DOMINATED it.  Spent a good two weeks having praise heaped all over UW for trouncing Nebraska AND for the electric atmosphere around Madison and in Camp Randall.  By now, everyone in the world wishes they went to Wisconsin, which is great, but at the same time kinda sucks for them because they already messed up and went to Michigan or Minnesota or some other terrible school no one cares about.

As much fun as the bye was (lord knows I needed that day off from Gameday festivities), we're right back at it this Saturday with IU coming to Madison for homecoming.


I don't really get the allure of homecoming.  I'd much rather plan a weekend back in Madison around either 1) A huge game, or 2) The availability of my friends to make a legit ragefest weekend out of it.  Homecoming parade?  Meh.  11 am kickoff against IU?  Quadruple meh.  Don't interpret this as me raining on the parade of everyone going up to Madison this weekend, because there's no doubt you'll have a great time.  I just personally don't think the fact that it's homecoming weekend means that much to me.  I bet it will as we get older, but I still feel young enough to get up there whenever I want and have an amazing time.  And oh, did I have an amazing time for the Nebraska game.

Moral of the story: You can't really mess up by going to Madison, but I find the homecoming parade to be a bit dull.  I swear this whole thing had a point, but I can't really remember what it was.  I'm tired.

CHICAGO BADGERS: I really don't think any bar sounds more/less appealing than the rest.  This could be a good week to just get a crew together at someone's apartment and drink boots of Natty Light, which actually sounds amazing and is probably what I'm gonna push for.  Vaya con dios.

SHAMELESS PLUGS: Almighty tumblr will link you to all the important sites.  You have a lot of catching up to do to get on the same level as this person:

Also, I've somehow seen a steady trickle of page views on the BP Blog from Russia (with love).  If you're reading this right now in Russia, PLEASE email me so I can tell you how awesome you are.  If you're a spammer of some kind, PLEASE email me so I can send you electronic AIDS.




7) Sweet & Sour Chicken (SAUCE ON THE SIDE) - Asian Kitchen

I can't even explain how vital it is that you get the sauce on the side.  If you don't, you end up with a soggy mess of chicken and rice with no chance of repair.  HOWEVER, if you get the sauce on the side, the chicken remains wonderfully crispy while still allowing you to dunk for maximum sauce coverage.  It seems like a total no-brainer, but you'd be shocked by how many people continually mess this up.

Other thoughts:
  • White rice over fried rice every day and twice on Sundays, which was assuredly my most frequent AzKitch day (hungover, football, no desire to leave, BRING ME MY CHICKEN).
  • Crab rangoon over egg roll and it's not close either.
  • One meal over two because I totally lack the self-control to try and save enough to make it a full meal later on.  This usually means slowly eating the entire thing over a 4-5 hour span.  Again, ideal for NFL Sunday.
  • Order online over calling it in because the odds that you get the one person that can actually speak English there are insanely low.
  • Lunch combo over dinner special, because I said so.
  • Lawry's seasoning salt on the rice over soy sauce, again, because I said so.  And because it's sneakily one of the best Lawry's usages out there.
Asian Kitchen is also my favorite place to do the whole 'save the best pieces for last' strategy.  Anyone who enjoys food 1/6th as much as I do should know exactly what I'm talking about.  The most ideal pieces of chicken are going NOWHERE until I've eaten all the small/unnaturally large pieces first.  Along the same line of thinking, it's beyond important that you save enough rice to match up with the last piece of chicken.  I'm not gonna say I'm the best in the universe at doing this type of thing, but I probably am.  Years of practice with chicken tenders and fries to learn how to partition out a meal like that evenly.  People who just house their fries first and then go to town on the rest of their meal aren't human and freak me the fuck out.  IT'S ALL ABOUT BALANCE.

For some reason I feel like Michelle Obama really hates me and my lifestyle.


8) Buffalo Bites - The City
9) Wings - Quaker Steak & Lube
10) Qdoba Queso Burrito/Henry
12) Pizza di Roma Chicken Parm & Pepperoni/Sausage Pizza

Honorable Mentions: Casa B's Slice/Breadsticks, Falbo Bro's Chicken Parm Sub, Za's Cajun Alfredo Pasta with Pepperoni and Garlic, Jamie's Cookie Cakes


Great Student Section Race

The Nebraska game featured one of my all-time favorite moves: O gets tripped up, uses L as a launching pad and goes Sonic the Hedgehog all the way up to the finish line for a huge come from behind victory.  I was sitting in O and obviously we all went nuts.  Something about winning that damn race makes Jump Around 10x more intense.  You think there's a breakdown out there of the winning percentages for all the sections?  O has to win like 80% of the time.  It's not enough that O is one giant party, but they also dominate the race.  There's a reason we used to sit in O instead of P back when they still had under/upperclassmen tickets.  I also don't like being that close to normal people, and P provides that buffer necessary to not make you feel like a bad person when you yell 'Fuck You' and look to your left and see a 5 year old kid looking quizzically at you.

Eat Shit vs. Fuck You

While we're on the topic, what do you guys think about this cheer?  When I was a student I was all for it, because EAT SHIT.  Why not, right?  But now I kinda understand the hatred for it amongst older alumni (and trust me, as a nerdbox who frequents Badger message boards, old alumni hate this cheer more than a meth addict hates imaginary spiders).  The worst for me was when ESPN came out and said it was terrible and might affect their decisions to come to Madison in the future (which was obviously a bluff, and we called that bluff, and we won big.  AM I RIGHT OSU AND NEBRASKA?).  So I understand that we can't just get rid of it without a replacement cheer.  THOUGHTS:
  • Eat poop/fudge you.  Subtle but effective.  And teaching young kids in the stadium to say 'fudge' and 'poop' instead of 'fuck' and 'shit' seems like the most logical thing I've ever thought of.
  • Have the stadium sound system bleep out 'fuck' and 'shit' when the students do the cheer.  This works for multiple reasons: 1) No more swearing, 2) Everyone knows that bleeps are funnier than the actual words they cover up.
  • Oh fuck it, they should just keep doing the damn cheer.  If you're a parent and you can't explain to your child that they shouldn't be saying words like 'fuck' and 'shit', then you're a fucking shitty parent and should probably fucking get to work on being less shitty.

Black Jesus' Heisman Campaign vs. Running Up The Score

This has gotta be pretty tough for Bielema.  On the one hand, having Black Jesus win the Heisman would be the ultimate recruiting tool.  Anytime someone says Wisconsin is just a running team with game managing quarterbacks, BB could just hold up a picture of Wilson accepting the Heisman and be like, 'O RLY?'  But Bielema has to be careful, because continuing that perception of running up the score will only draw the ire of fellow coaches and media, and, well, those people get to vote on important things like rankings and Heismans.  So you can reasonably expect Wilson to put up his numbers in the first half, hand the ball off in the 3rd quarter, and then grab a headset for the 4th.

Here's what I don't get though.  How are we supposed to not run the score up on a team like IU?  I think if we ran the ball every snap in the second half, even if it was with Gordon/Lewis instead of MBS/White, we'd STILL hang 60 on them.  Should we just take a knee every damn time we get the ball once we're up 40?  It's such bullshit.  As Jimmy Johnson awesomely said: If you don't want us dancing, keep us out of the end zone.  Seriously, if your first string defense can't stop our 2nd/3rd string offense, then you've got a lot more to worry about than what WE'RE doing.  Fuck it, go for the jugular Bielema.


Portugal, The Man - So American

Let's be real (#realtalk): Portugal, The Man is the worst band name of all-time.  No idea if you always use a comma, even Spotify doesn't know.  I understand wanting to be different and make yourself stand out in a saturated industry like music.  But mixing up words and randomly placing commas is NOT the way to do it.  This is EXACTLY why their trailer was stolen during Lolla.  Someone clearly had enough of their hipster name and decided to teach them a lesson.  Also, I like this song.

SR-71 - Right Now

I've had this song as 'Kick Me When I'm High' in my iTunes for about 12 years.  And it's one of my best examples of songs I have that are messed up in some way.  Some skip, some are cut off, some have a little extra at the end (hello Buddy Holly with the Sweater Song drum intro).  With this song, there's a blatant skip in the intro guitar riff.  I know it so well that I'm thrown off when I DON'T hear it.  Just like my version of 'Sheniqua' skips back to the chorus too soon after the second verse.  Should I just re-download good versions of these songs?  Probably.  Am I sentimentally attached to the messed up versions and treat them like they're special to me?  Fuck.

Nirvana - Rape Me

Rape me
Rape me my friend
Rape me
Rape me again
I just love the fact that this is an actual song, and it's actually a GOOD song as well.  Very few bands could get away with this.   Nirvana was one of them.

PS - Maybe it's just me, but this song sounds like the perfect promotional music for my Customized Rape Whistle business  I'm the best kind of entrepreneur - the delusional kind.


The spread is 40

Worst opponent of the year

Better stick to hoops*

*This guy!


Big time showdown going on at THG.  Who's the better rollerskating dance?


The guy def has some fresh moves, but anyone can look good on a well-oiled Skateland floor.


Oh, fuck it, who are we kidding?  The Champ ain't losing his title EVER.  I can't over how great that video is.  I'm gettin' paper...


ZOMG SHE'S SLEEPING!  On her little pillow perch!  Again, this is when she's at her best: Not eating the couch or barking at your food or anything else obnoxious like that.  Just sleeping, quietly.  Actually, I guess her eyes are open there.  But she WAS sleeping before I woke her up trying to get a picture of her between FIFA games.


Sometimes I think context might be important.

Has anyone actually used Rosetta Stone?  Does it work?  I feel like it's one of those things where I can't really tell if it's a scam or a genius product that destroys language barriers.  It's gotta work, right?  How else could they still be selling billions of these CD's.  If it were a scam, I'm assuming someone would have reported it by now and they would've been shut down by our kickass government.  But that hasn't happened, which means one of two things:
  1. It's legit.  Or
  2. It's a government slush fund
I have no fucking idea what a slush fund is, I just know that in every badass movie, corrupt government officials always operate these slush funds, and they always make a lot of money by doing something illegal/mischievous. Yeah, definitely starting to think Rosetta Stone is a slush fund.


That would be pulled pork and elotes from the Brown Bag Food Truck.  To date, that's still my favorite food truck meal.  Unfortunately, I keep missing them when they come to the Mart, so I haven't had a chance to try the brisket yet.  But it's at the top of my list.  I've already documented my love for elotes, so I won't get into that again.  Just allow me to say that the spicy sauce they have for the corn is FANTASTIC, and this meal is meant to be all mashed together and eaten like a wildling.  Highly recommend you track them down if they come by your office/apartment: @brownbagtruck


Not the standard sky porn that you're used to, but I still love how this turned out.  The first one was taken during the last day of that absurd blizzard a year ago.  The second taken from the exact same spot about 4 hours later.  Consider this your early warning to move to California if you're not ready for this type of shit again.


Last year we scored 83 on these idiots.  I don't think we quite get to that level again this year, but anything less than 60 points would shock me.  Indiana has no business playing the same sport, being in the same league, or playing in the same stadium.  Make some early afternoon plans because this one's done with right away.  The pick:



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