What can I do if lack of sleep is hurting our relationship?

The BabyCenter Malaysia editorial team

The BabyCenter Malaysia editorial team is a panel of health writers.

Getting the rest you need while attending to your baby's feeding and sleeping routine isn't easy. You may also have a toddler to care for, in which case you and your husband will have even less time to devote to one another. And even when you do find a spare moment, you're probably both too exhausted to do anything much.

It's natural to worry about the strains that this sleep deprivation is having on your relationship. But be reassured that not having enough sleep is unlikely to destroy an otherwise happy couple.

What lack of sleep does tend to do is make existing relationship problems worse. If your baby doesn't sleep well, it may make you irritable and depressed, and more likely to project that onto your husband.

If your husband comes in at the end of the day and flops down with the remote control when there are 101 things still to do, you may want to snap at him. Or if you're emotionally drained and feeling weepy, your husband may feel frustrated that there's nothing he can do to make you feel better.

It's often the case that new parents become so caught up with their new baby that they forget about each other for a while. And sex is likely to be the last thing on your minds when you are both shattered.

Find a time when you feel reasonably rested and sit down with your husband to discuss the best ways to cope with, or relieve, your exhaustion. Perhaps you could divide household chores and childcare, or ask your mum or a friend to help out regularly.

If sleep loss is putting a lot of strain on your relationship, you could ask a trusted relative or friend to watch your baby for a few hours. You and your partner could then escape for an hour or two with a DVD, or eat dinner at the table with none of the usual interruptions. Or it could just mean catching up on much-needed sleep together.

Or you could go out for a bite to eat while your relative cares for your baby. That way you get away from the house and can focus on each other without any distractions.

Even if you are tired, try to make time to ask how each other's day went and talk about any worries you may have. Remember to speak about things other than your baby, too. And don't let minor irritations turn into full-blown rows if you can possibly avoid it.

Be reassured that your baby's sleep will soon settle into a regular bedtime routine. You can then start to catch up on lost sleep and may be surprised by how quickly your romantic feelings are rekindled.

Read the Bahasa version, Apakah yang boleh saya lakukan jika kekurangan tidur menggugat hubungan saya dengan suami?

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