Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Changes Come, Turn My World Around

I wrote this over a month ago and forgot to post it. It's still pretty accurate today.

Dustin and I had a wonderful day yesterday.  A day of great talks, honest moments, laughter, sillyness, and a hike in the rain with the puppies.  It was a great release for both of us as we've both been working WAY too hard lately.

Things really are going great, but with those great, exciting changes comes stress.  Which we've been feeling a lot of lately.

We spent the whole day talking about how insane the last year has been and how it's really taken an emotional toll on us (both individually and as a couple) whether we want to admit it or not.

I realized that a big part of why I've been feeling so down lately is due to missing my family.  I realized yesterday that's it's been almost two months since I've heard my momma's voice, and that's just TOO LONG! - Which is why I'm excited about our phone date this evening. :) -

I tend to get too hard on myself.  I carry a lot of guilt for moving away.  Though I love our new life in Asheville, sometimes I feel guilty, like I "abandoned" my friends and family.  I worry that people have ill feelings towards us for leaving, and I know I have to let that go.  I would hope that all our friends and family are happy for us and the life we've created together.

Instead of allowing myself to feel guilt and sadness when I think about all the people I love and miss, I need to just acknowledge those emotions and take them as signs that that area of my life needs attention.  Since I've been working so much, I haven't been very good at staying connected with people, and I think that's the main things that's got me so down.  I don't want the physical distance between us causing emotional distance.

I also realized during my cathartic day yesterday that perhaps I haven't fully dealt with all that's happened in the last year and a half or so.  There was a lot of family and emotional turmoil before the wedding, then we just picked up our life and left to Louisiana (and then Asheville).  I fear that subliminally, I was severing myself from it all.  Running away perhaps.  Putting on that smile, going through the motions, convincing myself all is well when maybe it's not.

They are all things that will be dealt with in time, and the important part is that I am filled with nothing but love and the desire to feel whole again.

Perhaps the best part about yesterday was remembering how in love with my husband and I am.  Having our talks, sharing our fears and working through them together, and of course, just our fun goofiness.  I forgot how funny and adorable my husband is.  I am so grateful for our wonderful day together, and I feel like we've both been washed anew.

In other news, we should be moving into our house this week!  We are renting the house right next door to Tyler's, where we're staying now.  I think finally getting settled and having a home again will help our mental state as well.