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How Nipsey Hussle's death was really about me

Internets, I was disappointed to hear that Nipsey Hussle was gunned down outside his store in the les
How Nipsey Hussle's death was really about me
By Byron Crawford • Issue #102 • View online
I was disappointed to hear that Nipsey Hussle was gunned down outside his store in the less fortunate part of LA the other day, and I was even more disappointed to hear that a guy named Shitty Eric Holder was arrested for the crime—though I was amused by the guy’s name.
I was hoping there was some truth to the theory put forth—where else?—on Twitter that Hussle was assassinated by the CIA because he was working on a documentary about Dr. Sebi, an obscure black doctor who claimed to have found a cure for AIDS that basically involves drinking alkaline water.
I’m not sure what exactly alkaline water is, but I think it might have something to do with the fact that you can’t find decent bread products on the west coast. If only Nipsey Hussle hadn’t been assassinated, perhaps he could have investigated—he was right there in California.
I once read in Quora Digest, where I get my news, that you shouldn’t drink distilled water, because it doesn’t have any fluoride in it, and it’ll cause your teeth to rot out. But I’ve also heard, on The Alex Jones Show, that fluoride eats away at your brain, so I’m not sure what to think.
Again, where is Dr. Sebi when you need him?
A day or two after we lost Nipsey Hussle, it was announced, via screenshot of an Instagram caption, that Shitty Eric Holder popped a cap in Hussle’s ass because Hussle told him he wasn’t allowed in the store, because he was a snitch, and he may not have been wearing a shirt. (I’m speculating here.)
Apparently embarrassed, Shitty Eric Holder went and got a gun, and the rest, as they say, was recorded by multiple nearby security cameras and later sold to TMZ. The Source posted the video, in an especially sad attempt to drive #engagement, while XXL pointed out that Hussle was once an XXL Freshman.
Shitty Eric Holder was whisked away from the scene of the crime by an especially committed female friend, who was waiting in a nearby alley. Later, after Holder was apprehended, the getaway driver told police she didn’t realize that he’d committed a crime, and she wasn’t even arrested. Hmm…
Holder was found trying to check into a mental institution where he’d once been a patient. He didn’t bother using an alias, and the intake staff may have recognized him by his fairly distinctive “government,” which has been all over TV for the past few days.
It’s definitely interesting to me that he was once a patient in a mental institution, and it’s my one remaining glimmer of hope that Nipsey Hussle really was assassinated by the CIA. Could Shitty Eric Holder have been brainwashed using MKUltra techniques, like Sirhan Sirhan?
A few key similarities between Shitty Eric Holder and Sirhan Sirhan:
1) They both have ridiculous names.
2) They both lived in California.
3) Both of them were not quite right.
4) Both killed people who were trying to do right by the black community.
5) The guy who produced “Apache” by Incredible Bongo Band, a key hip-hop breakbeat, was somehow involved in the Bobby Kennedy assassination.
Once you start connecting these dots, it’s not so ridiculous to think that Nipsey Hussle may have been assassinated by the CIA, if not because he was making a documentary about Dr. Sebi, then maybe because he was trying to teach black kids how to code, so we can start our own Twitter—a true Black People Twitter.
I might be in danger myself just for pointing this out. Pray for a brother, and if you haven’t already, pick up a copy of my new book, Wardrobe Malfunction: Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake and the Power of Desperation.
If you are receiving this transmission, you are the resistance.
Take it easy on yourself,


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