The Minimum Bar for Difficult Conversation

The minimum bar I keep for whether I am willing to have a difficult conversation with someone is that I have a willing partner that is interested in trying to:

  • listen
  • assume good intent
  • understand a perspective other than his/her own
  • recognize the attempt at these same things in my effort

Their delivery doesn't have to be perfect to be worthy of attempting conversation.

If a person can't demonstrate these things, it's not worth trying to talk it out. They're not ready. Move along.

It's possible their anger will subside over time: anger has a short half life. But it's also possible they are playing an identity-threatening story of injustice on a loop because they are taking themselves more than a bit too seriously. Be patient and don't feed the troll.

If you find you don't feel this person is worthy of patience, all the better. You are now free to stop trying to have any kind of talk. These situations tend to resolve themselves over time without your intervention.