Love vs. Fear

One of my favorite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz, often writes about coming from a place of love rather than a place of fear. Often, when we get upset or angry in a relationship, it's because we are coming from fear - fear of getting hurt or losing that person. 

It's so important to not let past experiences affect new connections or relationships. We have all experienced pain in the past but if we allow those experiences define how we act and react in new relationships, it'll surely be a deal breaker. 

I see this a lot with my clients after they reach 3-5 dates. Expectations start to arise and if they don't hear from the guy for a day or two, they assume the worst. Maybe he started seeing someone else? Maybe that one thing she said on their last date turned him off? It's easy to start picking apart everything you've ever said or done but that kind of energy is terrible to hold inside. The person you're going to end up with is not going to drop you if you say one comment that he didn't like. You never know what could be going on with him at work or family that has zero to do with you. 

Men are also wired differently than us. They do this yo-yo thing when they need a little space to process emotions once things start to feel a little more serious. The distance is often interpreted by women that he suddenly lost interest or is seeing someone else. This is when a lot of women try to force the guy to talk about what's going on to only push him away further. This is the time where you need to be confident in your relationship and let him have the space he needs to realize how much he likes you and to come back ready to take things to the next level. That's coming from a place of self love, not fear. 

I ask my clients to praise themselves every single day. I'm sure you can find many things to get down on yourself about but find something that you are proud of. Maybe you had a great workout that day or helped a friend in need. Maybe you finally finished that book you've been nursing. Find ways to love yourself each and every day. This will lead you on the path to come from a place of love, always. 



Anna Morgenstern