Adventures in the waking mind

My brain just woke me up 10 minutes ago because of a revelation. Now, normally this is great because it can be inspiration for a story or remembering something I forgot that had been bothering me for the last few days.

This morning my brain goes “Dude, wake up.”

“Ugh, what? Its 5:45 am. We don’t even have plans until noon.”

“This is super important. Earth shattering even.”

“I’m listening…” I say, maybe it IS a new story thread or something to help with writer’s block on one of my long form projects. Shit, I probably had a Good Will Hunting moment and broken the code of the Voynich Manuscript or something.

“Peanuts,” my mind whispers. I imagine my brain as an 80’s businessman, coked out eyes wide open as he comes up with a last-ditch effort to save his crumbling business. He’s standing in front of a white board yelling at me.


“You know why they’re called that? It’s because when you crack them open… they have the nuts inside, like a pea pod has pea’s in it. It’s a Pea-Nut man.”

This realization hits me harder than if I had found conclusive evidence for life after death. Peanut butter is one of my very favorite things. I’ve been saying the word for years, and never thought about why they were called that. It’s like hearing a new-born baby laugh for the first time. My life has been changed forever.

“Wait, aren’t they legumes or whatever?” I still cannot tell you what the hell a legume is.

“Yeah, language is dumb,” replies my brain.

The human brain is an amazing thing, faster than the world’s most powerful supercomputer by about 100 times over. It has given us art,the ability to fly, and cured diseases. And mine chose that gift to wake me up at 5:45 in the fucking morning for a (still mind-blowing) thought that could have waited until like, 9am at the earliest.

My brain is an asshole.

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