Wed, 03 Jul 2002

Dear Mr. Wonderful-

What language do we need to speak to the throwbacks who believe the Pledge of Allegiance isn't an unconstitutional endorsement of religion, so that we can explain to them why they're so incredibly wrong? And why do the Christians & their co-conspirators believe that America (land of supposed religious tolerance) is theirs and theirs alone, not belonging to atheists, pagans, agnostics and so on, as well? Is there any way to stop them? Can you stop them?

Sicka Monotheism


Dear Thomas Jefferson,

I can stop them, all right. I can stop them with the power of my mighty vinyl PANTS! HEED THE WONDER: I possess the L.P. recording of "Controversy" by Prince; those who cross me shall feel its purple wrath!

I... Whoops. Terribly sorry about that. Got the old Wonderbrain caught in the flange of the Time Machine. Thought it was 1983 all over again: we were mounting the Sex Offensive against Reagan's Rayguns, as I recall, and the Ed Meece Brigade had just come over the last confiscated piles of "Hustler" when, well, anyway, same old story. I won't bore you. Not with stories of my seven-league zipperpants, anyway.

It's no good pointing out to the average upset person that a Pledge containing the phrase "one nation Not under God" would certainly be upsetting to the religious, and therefore "under God" is of a similar category, i.e. religious, - hence Federally unenforceable, which is just a legal truth, nothing to do with God or Reality or the fate of the nation, nothing to get upset about, you want to change it, change the Constitution with another Amendment first, easy - because upset people tend to turn off their brains when they hear something they don't like. Prevents new ideas getting in there and confusing them, doncha know.

To speak with someone whose brain is in "off" or "sleep" mode, kiss them full on the lips. That should shock them into a reboot, after which you may try to get a word in before the Norton Anti-Thinking Tool loads.

The more that I think about it, actually, I think more kissing is the way to save this great Nation of ours. But no tongues - or we'll be French.