Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Looney Bin Called, They'd Like To Speak With Us

I've often said that I think my family is a box of crazy...all by ourselves. We don't need anything to entertain us, the crazy that comes with one queen, one king (who sometimes falsely thinks he's in charge) and 4 unruly princes is enough to make Dr. Phil run for cover. Testosterone runs amuck, messes create themselves, and things break at random! It's no wonder that sometimes mommy's eyes twitch and gibberish expels from her lips! You be the judge...are we headed to the Looney-bin?

* I have actually been heard to say "Mommy's putting on her angry eyes!"

* To keep the toddler happy (at all times) we have relented and given in to his authority. We now are required to hold a "blankie roll-call" before and during each outing. "Bear...check. Puppy...check. Ephlant (that's elephant for those who don't speak toddlerese)...check" and so it goes until all blankies are accounted for. Most of my trips now consist of me carting around 7 blankies, "Teetle" the turtle, 4 kids, shopping list or two, purse with spare diaper shoved into it, phone for contact to the outside world........and a partridge in a pear tree!

* I have and always will think that drinking soda makes my teeth fuzzy

* The toddler insists on slapping mommy's butt every time I bend over. He seems to find great joy in this!

* I move things around all the time to "more logical places".......where they will be lost to us forever since I can never remember to which place I moved them.

* I have been known, on occasion, to put my underwear on inside out.....we've noticed this tendency in our boys....things are always on inside out or backwards.....there may be a slight chance that they get that from me.

* When my husband first got his blackberry ( a couple years ago), I called it a raspberry....and I was serious!

* I am not functional in the morning.......until I brush my teeth. Hey, in my defense, everybody else appreciates my lack of morning breath.

* I love, love, love the snow...that's why we got married in December.......but I hate the cold. Would that be an oxymoron or a cruel aria???

* I'm slightly paranoid.....I always think girlfriends are mad at me, or talking about me, or lying to me, or faking being nice to me.....I could continue, but I think you get the idea.

*My boys, from the oldest to the youngest, constantly have their hands down their pants!

This seems to be slightly incriminating information. After review this may or may not put me in a slightly skewed or schizophrenic light. It is quite possible that it is I that is suffering from a case of the crazies. I blame the lack of estrogen in my environment......I'm innocent by reason of insanity!!!


blueviolet said...

If it could snow during the summer, that would be absolutely perfect!

You're the kind of person who when walking past a group of people and then hears them burst out in laughter thinks that they're laughing about you, right? If it's kids, I do think that. If it's adults, I'm ok.

April Westerhold said...

Ha! My toddler slaps my butt, too, and says "Butt, Butt". It's cute now . . . not so much when he gets older. LOL

Heather said...

From where I am sitting all this is perfectly normal.

Slidecutter said...

The boys "hands down their pants" thingy...well, that's common. The male species suffers from Penis Separation Anxiety. Let's face it, men misplace just about everything, socks, glasses, cell phones, etc., but, they always have to know that their best buddy is hanging around thus their need to keep a "grip" on things, making sure Mr. P. is still there, all comfy and cozy.

As far as people talking about you, if they are, they're just jealous. It's when people don't take notice of you at all that it's time to be concerned....

TexaGermaNadian said...

Haha, loony bin indeed...but in the best way possible! As for putting things in a 'place I will remember' only to never remember where I put it is pretty much a daily occurance. And our it seems the smaller our apartment, the more we lose. What is up with that?!
And I'm serious about wanting to use your idea of "story-telling blogapalooza" Its genius!

Johi said...

This list just solidified my inclination that we would be friends in "real life". :)

sara said...

Okay, I missed you:) You are cracking me up! Fist off, what is with boys and their hands down their pants?? I should say men, actually!! I am totally guilty of moving things around. It drives my husband and kids crazy. My husband won't ask where something is, he will ask where I hid it? Ha! I especially love when my toddler smacks my butt in public and I get the "you must be a terrible mother look." And, I love the angry eyes comment....mine is "if you don't stop that mom's head might just pop off." Maybe I should borrow yours, it sounds much less disturbing! We would have so much fun hanging out!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Sounds completely normal to me! My places are not necessarily more logical, but they are very "safe" thus I find things years later... or when I am packing to move!

Anonymous said...

Yep, I think it sounds pretty normal! But I have 4 boys too. So... I'm probably just as crazy as you. =)

Liz said...

I am absolutely serious when I say that I need to start using, "Mommy's putting on her angry eyes now."

Vic said...

slapping hiney's is an all around "NORMAL" family thing here in AMERICA;-)