friends with benefits
  • | October 4, 2016
Well, here’s a fun topic: friends with benefits!

We all know what it is. We’ve seen movies about it, heard and told jokes on the subject, etc. How many of us get to try it, though? Not many – even among playboys, it’s not something that happens too often. Because while being friends with benefits with someone sounds quite cool and interesting, it’s also a bit intimidating and not without good reason. Here is our list of the pros and cons to help you decide if it's time to take that friendship to the next level:

The Pros of Friends with Benefits:

  1. It’s fun! Like, a lot of fun! And that's not only because the sex itself is great. You are given the opportunity to enter into a sexual relationship with someone you're already comfortable with. Even more than that, these relationships often take place without public knowledge, and the "sneaking around" element adds a degree of thrill to your lives, potentially resulting in more exciting sexual encounters than you would otherwise have with a traditional girlfriend.

  2. You might actually strengthen your friendship. A friends with benefits arrangement may upgrade your relationship from a casual friendship to a best friendship. Friends with benefits often develop an intimate bond that’s not love but is a true friendship. This could mean knowing everything about each other, trusting one another completely, and enjoying each other's company to the fullest.

  3. It can evolve into something more. As weird as it sounds, friends with benefits can actually be a great way to (unintentionally) start a relationship. It gets rid of the sexual tension, and, if you can speak your thoughts well enough, it offers a unique opportunity for anxiety-free communication.

  4. It’s a lot of fun!

The Cons of Friends with Benefits:

  1. You can ruin a friendship. This is probably the main reason why many are afraid to try it out. One person may develop unrequited feelings. Unclear boundary lines may lead to jealousy. If the two of you decide to call it off, the "break up" may make it impossible for you to get your friendship back to its former glory. There are any number of ways that being friends with benefits can effectively end an otherwise comfortable friendship.

  2. You can ruin other friendships. If you two get found out, there are additional complications that may surface. In the event that being friends with benefits with someone ends badly, the backlash may pull other people into the mess. Other friends will feel the tension from this fallout, and that can affect the overall dynamics of your social circle. This will be particularly true if your friends feel like they need to take someone's side in the aftermath.

  3. You can mess up a future serious relationship. The simple fact of the matter is that you having been friends with benefits with someone can be a deal-breaker for a future love interest. For women who equate sex with romantic love, it may be hard for your future someone to accept that you took part in such a relationship. At its worst, your past situation may even make you look like a playboy or someone who doesn't take sexual relationships seriously.

  4. You can meet social disapproval. This, of course, will depend on what kind of social circle you run in, but there are certainly people who would view the concept of friends with benefits as taboo. If the people in your life put a premium on sexual propriety, your friends with benefits arrangement may seem unsavory and reflect poorly on you as an individual.
  5. One of you may develop feelings while the other doesn’t. This may result in hurt feelings that could damage your friendship long-term. The development of a one-sided affection may not only end your beneficial arrangement, but it may also have lasting effects on your friendship. Falling for a friend when the feeling isn't mutual may lead to embarrassment or heartache that will be difficult to repair.

So all in all, being friends with benefits with someone can be a really great experience if you manage the whole thing properly. Unfortunately, it often starts from a shared interest and ends in disaster. So, as with all other things, try to be smart about it.

Good luck!