Tuesday, April 29, 2014


I have an unexplainable pit in my stomach.  It is difficult to describe, but it isn't one of ominousness.  It seems to stem more from uncertainty.  To be honest, this isn't the first time that I've felt it.  I guess the only way I can explain it is by explaining the times I've had it before.

It reminds me of every time I checked in for my flight at Louis Armstrong International Airport, near New Orleans to fly out to Korea.  I remember embracing my father at 5:30 in the morning, before my 6:30 flight departed, as I just checked in, knowing it was time to walk through security, and enter the terminal.  I was always excited, somewhat somber, and filled with an awareness of the uncertainty ahead of me.

Terminals are essentially large well-lit hallways.  And as I walked through it, I remember that feeling as I found myself feeling alone once again.

I felt it as I got off the bus at Gwangju for the first time at the the bus terminal, known as "USquare" to locals.  After living in Korea for three years, it looks rather normal now, but when I arrived, it had such an unfamiliar smell.  Its colors were unfamiliar.  It also had an unfamiliar vibe.  The internet on my ipod touch didn't work.  My boss wasn't where he said he would be.  That pit of uncertainty began to grow, as I began to wonder, "What am I doing here?"  He turned out to be late, which was ok.

It continued during that same day when I walked into my apartment for the first time, and I noticed how dirty it was.  I couldn't sleep that night until it was clean enough for me to take a shower in the bathroom.  I had that pit of uncertainty in my stomach the first time I walked into it.  I thought to myself, "What have I gotten myself into?"

For some reason, as I sit here writing at 2am on a Wednesday night in my clean comfortable new apartment, I am feeling that familiar pit of uncertainty, and I am attempting to figure out why, hoping that writing would allow me to feel a greater understanding of the reason.  Maybe it's because my now ex-girlfriend and I recently broke up, which is a strong source of uncertainty and change.  Maybe it's because I'm flying out to Tokyo this week.  I seem to feel that feeling most often in airports.  Maybe it's a combination of the two, and maybe they are connected.

It's kind of funny how I've been so busy in Seoul that I haven't even thought about taking a vacation until recently.  It's kind of funny how just as I broke up with my girlfriend, unbeknownst to the GEPIK teacher at my school, whom I recently befriended, he starts telling me how awesome Tokyo is, being that I have always been so interested in Japan, which at the time, was also unbeknownst to him.  After hearing him talk about it, I suddenly got the urge to fly there as soon as possible.  I love living here in Seoul, but I need a break.

And people ask, "Why Tokyo?  It's even bigger, and more bustling than Seoul."  I agree, and I won't dispute that.  But I believe fulfilling a dream can be a source of healing.  It can be a source of rejuvenation.  It can be a source of strength.  And visiting Tokyo has been a dream of mine, albeit a small one.

There is some uncertainty associated with the trip, but that is what makes it exciting.  I associate uncertainty with excitement for the future.  What will happen now that I'm a bachelor?  What will the next lady I date be like?  What will Tokyo be like?  What will I experience there?  What will I see?  What will I eat?  How will I travel?  Who will I meet?  Will I enjoy my time there?  Will I enjoy seeing that which is new and unfamiliar, because sometimes the unfamiliar can be rather unpleasant.  There is so much uncertainty happening currently.  Even though it is small, it is unmistakeable nonetheless.  

I am an eternal optimist, and to people like me, uncertainty breeds excitement.  Every time I've had that pit of uncertainty, good things have happened.  I may have been alone and uncertain for a short time, but God put wonderful friends in my life, and he provided me with wonderful places to work, to teach some great people.  He has provided me with wonderful places to live that are beyond anything that I could have imagined.

I've learned to embrace this pit with excitement.  I am excited about the future, and it starts with being single again as I heal from the wounds of my previous relationship, and it will continue very soon with a trip to Tokyo, as I fulfill a small, but hopefully significant dream.  It's exciting.

Stay tuned. Hopefully, I can send you a post on location soon.

I would like take this opportunity to send everybody who reads my blog a sincere thanks.  I have been in Korea for three years now, and the people who visit my site has grown significantly during that time.  I am suddenly feeling at a loss for words, and all I can think of saying is that I am humbled that many of you would take an interest in my life.  God bless all of you.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

About "Differences in Korean and Japanese Women"

When I first moved to Korea, I wrote a post entitled, Differences in Korean and Japanese Women.  It is by far my most popular post, and the biggest reason why my site gets as many hits as it does.  To be honest, I'm kind of blown away by that, being that it was inspired by a simple Christmas shopping trip to Myeongdong.

Please keep in mind that it was written two and a half years ago, and styles change.  I'm not saying that it is currently completely irrelevant, because it isn't yet, but I find that it is becoming less so as time passes.

I have a trip to Tokyo planned in the near future.  Hopefully, that can shed more light on the subject, so I can prepare a more current post.  Thank you for reading.    

Dating in Korea III: My Personal Experience

I have a confession to make.  This may sound shallow, but the biggest reason why I became fascinated with, and eventually came to Korea is because I became attracted to Korean women.

Deep down, aren't ladies the biggest motivation behind why any man does anything of significance?  You ask most of the great guitarists, and singer/songwriters of all time, and they all say the reason they learned to play the guitar and/or sing was to impress the ladies.  According to the movie, The Social Network, a lady was a huge motivation behind Mark Zuckerberg's creation of Facebook.  The infamous war between the Athenians and the Trojans, where the wooden horse was rolled out, was fought over a beautiful woman, Helen of Troy.

During my three years in Korea, I've had three girlfriends, all of them being Korean.  The first one was Tae Hee, whom I wrote about in previous posts.  I remember our inherent chemistry being so strong that she had a really difficult time speaking a coherent sentence in English, and I knew absolutely no Korean at the time, but despite that, we were able to laugh a lot, have an amazing time together, and really enjoy each other's company.  It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.  I learned during that time that we humans have a means of communication that is every bit as strong as the respective languages we speak verbally, and that is attraction, kindness, affection, and care.

Tae Hee was gorgeous.  She had long thick flowing black hair, and she sort of curled the bottom of her hair with one large curl, the way many Korean ladies do.  Her skin was extremely fair, and she did not have double eyelids (larger eyes) that many Korean ladies desire, and get plastic surgery to acquire, meaning that her face looked distinctly Asian, almost like the women you see in those ancient paintings.  She had such an infectious Korean laugh, and she was socially poised.  She was well-dressed, extremely elegant, and as feminine as they come.  We dated for around nine months, and I don't think I was ever more infatuated with a woman than I was with her, which was why I was so devastated when we broke up.  It wasn't because of the lack of language.  Actually, she made such a strong effort.

I remember riding in her car with her, and although she was a music lover, she would have English tapes playing over her sound system.  The kind many of us have heard where a generic monotone American woman's voice would say random statements, and the user was supposed to repeat them aloud, and Taehee would do just that.  It was really cute.  She put a lot of effort into it, and I admired her for that.  The voice would say statements like, "I really love cucumbers."

And she would repeat in a strong Korean accent, "I really love cucumbers."

"I found this great shopping site online."

Again she would repeat in her cute, but strong Korean accent, "I found this great shopping site online."

In the generic monotone American woman's voice, "That is absolutely disgusting."

In a Korean accent with her voice cracking trying not to laugh, "That is absolutely disgusting." And as she repeated, she would point at me, then laugh really hard in her laugh that was so Korean and so infectious.

She was a lot of fun to be around.  She would do these impressions of me, and I still laugh whenever I think about them.

Anyways, and again, we didn't break up because of the language barrier.  We broke up because the difference in our beliefs.  When I knew our relationship was over, I was devastated, although I tried not to be.  Like many men, I tried to hide it, even from myself.  I would still see her sometimes, and when I would, it would be so difficult.

My most recent girlfriend, Boyeong, was the daughter of a Korean pastor.  We were set up by a mutual friend, and we both agreed to meet each other on a blind date at a local cafe.  I had no expectations going into it.  To be honest, I was expecting her to be ugly.

As I was on my way to meet her for the first time, she wrote in a text, "I'm sitting in the corner wearing a green jacket."

Upon walking into the cafe, I looked in the corner at the lady wearing a green jacket, and I was pleasantly surprised to notice that she was very attractive.  She was tall, and slim with a beautiful gracefulness in how she moved.  She also had fair skin, and her face had strong Korean features, but it also had an unexplainable beautiful uniqueness to it.  While TaeHee's style was more elegant, Boyoung was more modest and plain, which I really liked also.  

It's kind of funny.  They were seemingly opposites in terms of personalities, personal style, and the way they dressed.  TaeHee was more socially poised, despite her lack of knowledge of English, while Boyeong was more introverted, and socially uncomfortable, despite the fact that her English was fluent.  She lived in Toronto for six years of her life.  Taehee projected an air of maturity around her while Boyeong had sort of an endearing girlishness.  But at the same time, Taehee was a little clumsy and ditzy, while Boyeong had an innate common sense.

With Taehee, I knew that our relationship would not work out when she said, "I trust in Buddha."  Despite that, I was willing to give it a try, because I was so infatuated.  With Boyeong, when she started talking about her beliefs, her family, and how she was raised,  I thought to myself, "In terms of background, this is the type of lady that I am looking for."  

Boyeong, in her introvertedness, sometimes seemed sort of distant and standoffish, but there were numerous moments where I knew she genuinely cared.

One such moment was on my birthday.  Being that she was sort of casual, in terms of style, on that day, she was dressed up, wearing a skirt, and looked amazing.  Until then, I never realized how stunning she looked when she was dressed that way.   Her tall slim figure, and the natural gracefulness in the way she moved really made her look beautiful when dressed up.  

She had a birthday cake in a box from one of the bakeries in one hand, and a large bag containing a gift in the other.  We went out to eat at one of my favorite restaurants in Gwangju, and afterwards, we went to my apartment, which was small by American standards.

I abided strictly by the Korean rule of no shoes allowed inside.  I had no chairs for guests to sit in, so we sat on the floor with our shoes off, and rested the cake on the edge of the bed as if it were a coffee table.  She didn't realize how amazing she looked, sitting on that wooden floor, so elegantly dressed, and lighting the candles on my birthday cake that was on the end of my bed, but I did.  I proceeded to blow out the candles, and she gave me the present.

I removed the wrapping paper, and noticed it was a dark green polo brand sweater.  I was so excited to receive it.

Her voice was feminine, quiet, and unique.  After seeing my face, and noticing that my excitement was genuine, she said in her almost perfect English with a slight Korean and an equally slight Canadian accent, "I can tell you really like Polo."

She was right.  Then we proceeded to have a romantic evening, before it was time for me to take her home.

That relationship didn't work out either.  We simply weren't right for each other, and like Taehee, I have no ill-will towards her, and I wish her the best.

I feel like I am so blessed to experience Korean culture in this manner, to have acquired personal stories and memories about the beautiful people that I've met here.  My relationships are easily my most memorable, and most treasured aspects of Korea that I have experienced, and I will never forget those memories that were made here.  

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Seoul: Kind of Tiresome, but Still Good

I have been living in Seoul for almost a year now, and I feel like I am becoming more integrated into the culture of the city.  It seems like I am always "on the go," and I'm not accustomed to living life like that, being that I am a Louisiana boy.  Lately, I've been feeling rather fatigued when arriving at my apartment after a full day of work.

Currently, I am holding two jobs.  I am still a full-time elementary school teacher.  I no longer work at my school at Incheon.  I recently got a new job at a school in Anyang, still teaching for the After School Program.  I am also teaching business English near Gangnam in the mornings, a job that I started recently.  (It's legal.  I have an F-4 visa.)  Holding two jobs can be a lot of work, and can be tiresome, but nonetheless, it is rewarding, and I am loving what I am doing.

Regarding my business English job in the mornings, I am the personal English teacher of a CFO of a company here in Korea.  Many times, I am self-conscious, and am wondering whether or not I am doing a good job, but recently, she gave me a compliment that I really enjoyed receiving.  She has a really large vocabulary, and her grammar mistakes are minor.  She just needs more confidence in her ability, and my objective as her teacher is to instill that.  She asked me in a Korean accent, and in the careful thought out manner that she normally speaks in, "Have you ever considered teaching as a volunteer for orphans, or the poor?  ...  Because you are a very good teacher."

I was especially happy to hear that, considering, lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed.  I live over an hour by subway from my business English job in Gangnam, which is an hour away from my school in Anyang, which is where I go immediately after, and that is an hour away from my home in southwestern Seoul, and on many nights after work, I have church and social commitments.  On busier days, I am on the subway for over three hours, sometimes more.  On some days, I find myself leaving my apartment at 6:15 in the morning, and returning at around eleven in the evening.

There is something relaxing about being on a train with my headphones on, listening to my favorite music, and flipping pages through an ebook quietly, while standing amongst all the people who are doing the same thing, and all entering and exiting the train, going to and coming from different places as the train regularly stops and goes along the same line that I am on.  There is also something about traveling/commuting, especially when waiting is involved, and especially when it is around so many other people, that induces fatigue upon the body.  And that is my greatest struggle at the moment.

I have made a lot of friends here, as God has really blessed me through my church, Onnuri English Ministry, but many times, I feel a need to sit home and recharge during my off time, instead of being social.  Both of my jobs involve a considerable amount of heavy and close interaction with lots of people, and so does my commuting.  The more I learn about who I am, the more I realize that I am extroverted, but at the same time, even the most extroverted of people need some time alone to recharge.

Lately, since living here, I have reserved my Saturday mornings for relaxing, watching NBA basketball, having a large breakfast, and drinking coffee in my apartment.  I sit, and relax until I am hungry again, then I order delivery.  After that, I usually take a nap, then I wake up, and usually, at around dusk, I am ready to see people again.

On a random weeknight, while winding down from an especially long day, while having my nightly devotional, which includes prayer and daily bible reading, I told God about my jobs, my commute, and my fatigue.  I spilled my heart out to him.  And as I was doing so, I believe he spoke.  I felt it deep within my heart.  He said, "This is preparing you for something else.  Be strong."

I immediately felt invigorated.  I know that I am here for a reason, and despite all of the difficulties, it feels good to be achieving a dream.  It feels good to be living life confidently and successfully, while having to put forth a considerable amount of effort.  And it feels especially good to be living life with a purpose.