NFL Week 13 - Tweet Dreams

Hypothetical tweets from real NFL figures!

@dmcfadden20 When I first heard that embarrassing cables were being released, I thought our coach had been fired. #punchline

@gregolsen82 Why is Coach Smith saying "no second axe for Calvin Johnson"? Why is he allowed to have even one? #skipthatplay

@DJDannyWare28 Ahmad Bradshaw & Brandon Jacobs will be splitting carries, but hopefully they won't touch the ball often on the same play. #fumble

@mr_carter99 (Andre Carter) I'm extremely confident we can hold the Giants' margin of victory to less than 35 points. #greatexpectations

@felixjones28 I hear Peyton Manning's in a slump, so we should have a good shot at winning this week. #themsfightingwords

@MikeVick If we lock in our playoff seed with at least one game remaining I'm going to call my own number on every play just for fun. #teamplayer

@AaronRodgers12 In the mid-1990s 49ers-Packers games meant Steve Young vs. Brett Favre. I wonder what ever happened to those guys. #youshouldknow

@ndamukong_suh If anything happens to @drewstanton this weekend I'm playing quarterback. #nosuchthingasasneakwithhim

@GLew17 (Greg Lewis) They're from Buffalo, and they play outdoors?!? #snowmisers

@johnabraham55 We want to see if we can win a game without having Matt Bryant make a last-second field goal. #heresthekicker

@GK_McCoy (Gerald McCoy) So far this season we're proud of our execution. #johnmackaywouldbeproudtoo

@reggie_bush @Pierre_Thomas, @Pierre_Thomas - how are you? How are you? #sittingwiththetrainersittingwiththetrainer

@Jonathanstewar1 In the locker room we've started referring to Steve Smith as "The Invisible Man" #dontgetthemanangry #youreonetotalk

@20westbrook Matt Millen said we have no idea what's going on in our locker room. #hewouldknow

@ddockett (Darnell Dockett) We've won three games, have lost six straight, and we still have a chance to win our division. #theyredone

@SeaHawk58 (Aaron Curry) Carolina - when's the last time they were good? #notsincejakedelhommeleft

@MardyGilyard Whatever we do, we won't get Derek Anderson mad. #puttingtheirheartsandsoulintoit

@DUSTINKELLER81 When we win Coach Ryan says that instead of shaking Coach Belichick's hand he's going to kick him in the ass. #whatifyoulose

@GaryGuton59 Coach Belichick says he's going to wear steel pants just in case. #dontworryrexcantlifthislegthathigh

@willallen_25 Anyone have any good ideas on how to stop Peyton Hillis? #tellhimthegamesmondaynight

@CJSPILLER I saw Brett Favre this week - he was an exhibit at the Natural History Museum. #fossilfuel

@FABEWASH31 (Fabian Washington) Terrell Suggs and James Harrison see head-to-head on the issue of fines for violent hits. #tacklingdummies

@mvp86hinesward Terrell Suggs asked James Harrison for a ride to New York to discuss the issue of fines with Commissioner Goodell. #nowiggleroom

@ithinkurwright (Eric Wright) It's too bad Flipper Anderson never played for the Dolphins. #itstoobadjimbrownismadatthebrowns

@ochocinco #9 - who are you, and what have you done with Carson Palmer? #invasionofthebodysnatchers

@dwightfreeney The Chargers are a good team, but we should all commit hari-kari if we lose to the Cowboys at home. #thatwontbenecessary

@ArianFoster Guess I can go ahead and book that vacation I had planned for early January. #nopotentialconflicts

@ChrisJohnson28 I'm getting lots of angry calls from fantasy football geeks who are unhappy with my stats. #wrongnumbers

@kirkmorrison55 Coach Del Rio says if our defense doesn't improve he's going to come out of retirement to play linebacker. #lostasteportwo

@GlennDorsey72 When our kicker misses a field goal, we call it a Succup Fuccup. #whatrhymeswithndamukongsuh

@knowshonmoreno I'm still not sure why we even bother having a running back on the field. #somebodysgottablock

@naanee11 Coach Turner told us he'll be fired if he loses again in the playoffs - we could avoid that by missing the playoffs. #flawedlogic