A MAN needs a plan. If not a precise plan, then a rough one.

And even failing that, at least a few rules to live by.

At Champion Dads, we’re here to help.

1. Always act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s the World Cup Final or a private plane.

2. If you’re not dead to at least one person, you’re not living right.

3. Own at least one mechanical watch.

4. When the bartender asks, you must already know what you want to drink.

5. Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.

6. There’s no such thing as the funny, drunk guy. Just the drunk guy.

7. Staying angry is a waste of your energy.

8. If riding the bus doesn’t encourage you to improve your life, then nothing will.

9. Don’t wear shoes memorable enough to be recognized under a bathroom door.

10. There’s always another level. Find it. But also know you are still better off than most who have ever lived.

11. Ask for a salad instead of fries.

12. Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.

13. Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.

14. Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”

15. Know three clean jokes. Good ones.

16. Start every mobile phone conversation with “my phone’s about to die” so people don’t waste your time. 

17. Buy expensive sunglasses. It tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.

18. Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing.

19. No-one cares if you are offended. Stop it.

20. In life, as in sports, the boos always come from the cheap seats.

21. Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.

22. If it has bounces and a queue, walk away unless you know someone.

23. There’s no such thing as a hopeless situation, just hopeless people in situations.

24. Carry a handkerchief. The pleasure you get is from offering it, clean, to a woman.

25. Work hard. Eat right. Exercise. Don’t drink too much. And only buy what you can afford. It’s not rocket science.