You’re wearing what?

21st century Britain. Where people are treated equally and people are judged on their achievements and how they behave in society. Bollocks. This week has reminded me how fucking low and bitchy people can be.

Last year Sarah Millican, a fine example of a comedian,went to the BAFTAs in a dress from John Lewis. Which won points from me in the first place. She’d been nominated for a non-gender specific award – still a rarity for female comedians – and was obviously thrilled. After the ceremony, was this mentioned in the media? Was it fuck. No, all eyes had been on what she was wearing and she was subjected to a barrage of abuse. She looked like someone’s grandma. Had she made the dress out of old curtains? She looked fat, she looked ugly. The worst thing in my view? Most of these comments were from other bloody women.

This whole situation has raised its head again after Millican recently published an article in the Radio Times about her experience. She explains how she had to buy her dress in John Lewis as, being a size 18, most designer shops just do not stock dresses in that size. She talks about how excited she had been, what a great night it was even though she didn’t win. Then she checked her Twitter account. And cried in the car.

The people who sent those messages should be fucking ashamed of themselves. Millican is a brilliant comedian, she is fantastic at her job. She is one of the few female comedians (some might say unfortunately) that is actually fucking funny. And, as far as I can remember, she is the only female comedian since Jo Brand who hasn’t relied on her looks in her career. Because that’s the sad thing: most female comedians in the UK are what you might call classically attractive. Meaning that they are what society deems attractive. Now I’m not saying you can’t be beautiful and funny. Of course you can. Dawn French, for example, although many may disagree with me. But if we’re talking about female comedians who are touring and appearing on panel shows regularly? The majority of them are annoying fuckers, gladly admitting they know nothing of what’s happening in the news and making ‘jokes’ about celebrities and pop culture and clothes, because obviously that’s all women are interested in. Tossers.

Saying that, the way Millican was treated after the BAFTAs does make it look like women are only interested in those things. After every fucking awards ceremony there’s some piece of shit section on daytime TV programmes about who was wearing what, which designer was it, was it nice, was it shit, did the shoes and accessories go with it. Who gives a flying fuck? Many people, by the looks of it. I’m obviously in a fucking minority when I think it’s up to Millican what she wears. Of course I have my own opinions on what she wore. But that’s irrelevant. If she was happy, then everyone else should be happy too. 

What the whole episode shows is that, even today, women can be incredibly talented and funny and intelligent and good at their jobs. And for most people it means fuck all. Because what you look like is what people care about. As Millican said in her article, no one asked her husband where he got his suit from (ASDA, by the way. More brownie points from me). Because men are allowed to be talented and funny and intelligent and good at their jobs without having to look good as well. Whereas women are supposed to look like goddesses all the fucking time. It’s probably why I’ve been so bloody unsuccessful in my life. I have shit dress sense, my hair has a life and mind of its own and I don’t exactly starve myself. Far from it, in fact. 

So, my point being? Basically, women are bitches and society is a fool. Millican says she will wear the dress to the BAFTAs again if she’s invited, just so she can say ‘Oh, it’s just last year’s, pet.’ I bloody hope she does. Give those fuckers the finger.