Grief without God

This seems to be the topic of conversation this week. Anyway - Thinking Atheist did a great show on this yesterday. It is about 1 1/2 hours long, but the first woman really gets it right. Having lost a child myself, I completely understand where she is coming from. She's right, without a belief in god or an afterlife, you have no choice but to accept the reality of what has happened and this acceptance helps you cope more effectively with your loss.

At this point I am absolutely convinced that it is easier to grieve without a belief in god then it is to grieve with a belief in god.  And if you are interested in this subject I have an entire chapter dedicated to grief in my book. Anyway - because it is so moving and so important a topic - here is the youtube version of Thinking Atheist's radio show from yesterday. Now go grab some kleenex.


  1. I'm not sure you can make the blanket assertion that one is better than the other. I think it depends upon the person. You were willing to accept the uncomfortable reality to the situation. For those who can't or won't it may be better for them to cling to the idea of an afterlife.

  2. @Ron - obviously - people with a belief in an afterlife are going to grieve accordingly. And that is fine. Everyone grieves in their own way and what works for them works for them.

    It is just that in my own experience in grief support groups, what I have heard from others who have gone through the experience, and from grief counselors - people of faith have a much harder time with grief then people without. One grief counselor I talked to said that he though Catholics had the hardest time with grief. It's just an observation.

    Grief is hard enough as it is. But people of faith seem to have lots of additional baggage to deal with that people without faith don't. And it really does seem to be harder on them. I felt like since all I was dealing with was the grief that I was lucky. My friends in my grief support group that were of faith had their world views turn upside down and lots of other stuff they were dealing with in addition to their grief. All I had was the grief itself. And in that sense, it's easier to deal with. That was all I was trying to say.

  3. Hi Jen

    Those are interesting observations about people of faith. I wonder if there have been any scientific studies comparing those two groups.

    My pet theory of grief is that we deal with it better when we "third person" it as opposed to a "first person" approach.

    What I mean is that we do better when we step outside ourselves and see that we are grieving yet don't hold onto it. Perhaps the whole "identifying" with Christ makes people of faith more internalize their grief.

    Anyway, that's my pet theory.

  4. I don't think anyone has done a study. They should though. They should also look at how religious belief or non-belief affects how people approach their mental illnesses. Because I think there is a difference there as well.

    I like the 3rd person approach. I would phrase that as being objective about your emotions and allowing them to occur without holding on to them - basically the same approach I provide in my book.

    My thought on people of faith is that the problem is they think they are special and would be spared the trauma and when they aren't, they have their world view thrown upside down and they have a lot more struggling with questions about how the universe works, is there really a god and those sorts of questions that a non-believer simply never has to deal with. Our world view isn't thrown upside down and the world works pretty much how we thought it did. So, they just have additional baggage.

  5. Hi

    Here's a scientific meta-analysis.

    Interesting quote:

    "Still, there is conflicting evidence as to whether religion
    helps in the process of coping with loss. Research has
    demonstrated many positive attributes of religion at the end of life and during stressful life events. Some studies, however,
    have either failed to observe a relationship between religion/
    spirituality and a sense of coping, or have detected negative

  6. Cool study - thanks for finding that. And yup - more study is needed.


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