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Sarcastic one liners

You know you're fat when you step on the scale and it says "one at a time please".

tags: communication, fat, insults, rude, sarcastic
+1-144.27 % / 168 votes.

Opinions are like arse holes. Everyone has one, but not everyone wants to hear it...

tags: communication, dirty, puns, sarcastic
+1-144.23 % / 50 votes.

My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games. What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4.

tags: communication, love, puns, sarcastic
+1-144.16 % / 54 votes.

A good rule of thumb is to never hire a magician with a wife with no legs.

tags: health, life, marriage, sarcastic, work
+1-144.12 % / 58 votes.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart ". Does that mean Iron Man is the most beautiful person on earth?

tags: beauty, sarcastic
+1-144.09 % / 198 votes.

What's red and white, red and white, red and white? Sant rolling off your roof.

tags: Christmas, fat, sarcastic
+1-144.02 % / 171 votes.


tags: health, puns, sarcastic
+1-143.89 % / 138 votes.

I do not know why some people don't finish their sentences, like it's really annoying...

tags: attitude, communication, people, puns, sarcastic
+1-143.82 % / 31 votes.

My wife let me remove all her clothes last night. From the dryer.

tags: marriage, rude, sarcastic
+1-143.75 % / 18 votes.

We need to show compassion for the mentally ill without letting them run for President.

tags: attitude, health, political, sarcastic
+1-143.59 % / 141 votes.