Parent Power

The following article was sent out by a wonderful mother I know called Maira who lives in Australia. We knew each other when she and her family lived in Findhorn, and she has recently been publishing her story of parenting.  She has two children and is amazingly honest and real in the discoveries of how to become a more Aware Parent. 


The subject of this month for me has been power; how to shift from the old paradigm of “power-over” to the new, more loving version of “power-with”. I’ve decided to share with you some thoughts, rather than the using the structure of “anecdote and theory” I usually use, maybe because the subject is still moving and unresolved for me. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Lending power

My son Aron asked me to play table soccer with him. Because I had seen him struggle with powerlessness that same afternoon, I thought I’d play a Power Reversal Game with him. In power reversal games, the adult pretends to be slower/ weaker/ dumb/ less competent/ etc. so that the child gets an opportunity to feel powerful. I call this “lending power” and, through the laughter that is generated, children heal their unresolved painful feelings about all the instances where they have felt powerless. That’s why clowns falling over are universally funny.


What happened, though, is that some unresolved hurt around power in relationship with my dad came up for me. Sadly, I wasn’t a very Aware Parent that day. It’s fascinating that, however present and clear is the AwP theory in my head, if I am triggered and unconscious, it’s impossible to apply it. Aron ended up leaving me alone with my tense, angry, confused feelings.

I felt a huge wave of sadness come up. Deep, deep sobs shook my chest. I only remembered having cried as hard as that as a child. Puzzled by the strength of the emotion, I looked inside with curiosity and compassion. I heard my inner girl saying: ‘It’s unfair! I was never allowed to win! Nobody ever gave me that gift! I always had to play by the rules, even if I had legitimate needs for autonomy and power! Nobody ever saw those needs and honoured them! Dad was always right, always had the upper hand, always stronger and faster and better! He demanded respect but he didn’t show it himself, did he?!’


Puzzled by the event and the amount of emotion it triggered in me, and still confused as to how to deal with a similar situation in the future, I asked for help from my AwP coach. There was a magic moment in the session when she asked me: ‘How would it have been like if you had had what you so yearned for from your parents? How would you have felt if your parents would have lent you the power sometimes?’ As I allowed myself to feel into that possibility, I was filled with serenity and beauty; I felt deeply honoured. I could sense that, relating with Aron from that sacred space, I would be able to look with curiosity at the dynamics, be centred enough to connect with intuition and know what to do. Instead of coming as an authority figure that has to teach the child how to behave, which is an old model of parenting that doesn’t work for me, I would be able to respond with love and respect.
I notice how often my Aware Parenting journey has to do, like the kids’, with crying out the unresolved hurt from my childhood (which my children are so skilled at bringing up). With an inner loving Aware Mother holding me, the pain melts and underneath, lo! and behold!, appears my true unconditionally loving self. Magic.
I have had many opportunities to practice my insight since the session. Often I notice instances where, in the past, I would have reacted with the rigidity and “power-over” my parents used with me, telling Aron what to do with a wagging finder, but now I manage to flow about the challenge easily and playfully. Yipeeee!!! Attachment Play works wonders at times like this.

At other times I notice I am spiralling down into a power struggle with Aron, so I take a moment to relax into that beautiful space of peace and respect. That helps the energy to shift which, in turn, allows me to respond rather than react.

And still sometimes I forget altogether and hear myself say silly things like ‘If you don’t put your skates away, I won’t let you wear them ever again”. Then I am eternally grateful for friendly ears willing to listen to my rant about how I feel like chopping his head off. Being heard allows me to find again my sacred space of true power, the “power-with”. And the issue melts again.


What an incredible journey. Even though sometimes I resist it and resent it, I thank you, Aron, for taking me with you on this journey of power, on this powerful journey.


If you are interested in contacting Maira directly please send an email to joyful parents and we’ll connect you…

And Maira also mentions these websites for reference:

Aware Parenting official site:  
Aware Parenting in Spain:
Maira’s Aware Parenting Instructor coach in Australia: