How Long Should You Wait Before Defining The Relationship? Here's What Experts Say

In today's dating world, it can feel like you're living in a constant state of anxiety and uncertainty. It seems as if people don't want actual relationships as much as they used to, and so, dating becomes more and more precarious as you just wait to talk about what you guys are. So how long should you wait before defining the relationship? Experts say you should give it a minute, if you want the relationship to last.

If you're just having fun with someone, and you aren't even sure that you even want to define the relationship, then don't worry — you totally don't have to. On the other hand, if you're super into someone and having a blast, but you're worried that you might break up before you even get to define the relationship, read on! You're in the right place.

Of course, every relationship is different, and there's no way to know whether your relationship was meant to last or not. But, according to experts, there are some fairly basic rules to follow when it comes to defining the relationship.

For instance, just because you define the relationship, that doesn't mean you'll make it last forever and ever. Benjamin Ritter, MBA, MPH, and founder of The Breakup Supplement, tells Elite Daily that "Nothing ever ensures you’ll stay together in a relationship. Anyone can lie, but bringing up the conversation makes sure that a person cannot just avoid the topic."


The thing is, defining the relationship is kind of a big deal. With all the pieces of advice you've gotten, you're probably feeling somewhat overwhelmed by it all. But Ritter says that you need to first understand what defining the relationship really means.

"It's difficult to define an exact amount of time you should wait prior to defining a relationship without first understanding what defining a relationship entails," Ritter says. "Defining a relationship involves communicating your expectations for the relationship, and then setting boundaries for the relationship. For example if you expect a relationship to be sexually exclusive, that needs to be communicated and agreed upon, but that expectation can be completely separate from the title of boyfriend or girlfriend."

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Basically, you should probably define the relationship at some point, but there's no set amount of time for that. According to Trina Leckie, Breakup BOOST Podcast host, "It should just naturally evolve as you get to know each other and just 'feel right.'" Plus, some people may see each other once and week... others may see each other everyday. If you are spending a lot of time together, the relationship will progress at a quicker rate." Again, defining the relationship should eventually happen, but don't stress yourself out about it.

But, if you must put a timeline to it, Demetrius Figueroa, a dating and relationships writer, says there is a point when not defining the relationship can threaten the relationship. "If you’re trying to define the relationship within the first 3 dates, or first 4 weeks of knowing someone, you’re likely trying to define the relationship too soon," Figueroa tells Elite Daily.


So, what's the moral of the story here? First of all, every relationship is different, so don't go comparing. But also, don't start that discussion too soon. Ultimately, Figueroa says, "having a 'defining the relationship' talk will lead to better communication," so if it's been a few weeks and things are going well, then you might want to talk it out.
