No More Coffee Crisps Before Bed!

by - Thursday, March 19, 2009

This is a public service for anyone that feels the need to eat one of those 100-calorie Coffee Crisp chocolate bars right before they go to bed (we won't even go into the fact that I don't actually even like coffee).

Just don't do it.

Seriously. Step away from the Coffee Crisp and gnaw on your arm or something.

Because if last night is any indication of the results of how eating a Coffee Crisp will affect your dreams, I really suggest a different chocolate bar.

I had not one, but two dream last night that when I think back on them I think that I honestly couldn't dream that whacked if I was on crack.

At 3:30 in the damn morning I woke up with my heart beating out of my chest because I had dreamed that my ex-MIL had met a guy in Switzerland over the internet and decided that she needed to meet him. Which, in itself if really nothing. The fact that she couldn't afford the plane fare and decided to take her dingy across the Atlantic Ocean is where it started to go weird. Then the dream got seriously fucked up when an old-school hovercraft passed her and she got sucked in and blown out the other side like the poor Canadian geese in the Flight 1549 crash... blown to freaking smithereens.

I finally make it back to sleep only to wake up at 6:30 to make sure I still had my right arm. Yeah... I dreamed that I was sitting at my computer at work and only the letters I was typing with my left hand were coming up on the screen. So I look down and see that my right arm was amputated at the elbow. And to top it all off... they had attached my big toe to the end of my "nub" so that I could claw at things like a lobster.

How fucked is that?

Seriously, don't even attempt a Coffee Crisp after 10:00pm. It clearly is not good for your health.

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  1. Bwahahahaaaa! I love the TOE!!


  2. The toe part is awesome! That is really messed up... so are you going to experiment now with other foods to see how messed up your dreams will be??

  3. You bet I am trying different food... tonight is a 100-calorie KitKat :)

  4. "Go gnaw on your arm or something"... OMG I can SO hear/see you saying this.

    Yes, everyone, Carmen REALLY speaks like she writes.

  5. dreams are seriously weird things. I am constantly fascinated by them.

  6. I can't stop laughing right now - seriously

    Best. Dream sequence. Ever