Festivus grievances for all 30 MLB franchises

Written By Ryan Fagan

Today, Seinfeld fans around the world celebrate Festivus.

And to honor Seinfeld's greatest contribution to the holiday season, we've concocted a bit of a Festivus list. Speaking from a fan's perspective, for all 30 franchises (listed by division, in order of 2014 final standings), we're going to air a grievance or talk about how the team has disappointed its fan base.

We promise to keep this a tinsel-free space. Wouldn't want you to be distracted, because we know you've got a lot of problems with these people.

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AL East

Orioles. "After winning 96 games, the AL East title for the first time in forever and advancing to the ALCS, you're going to do something in the offseason other than letting star players leave, right? Right? Bueller?"

Yankees. "What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for? He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doing!" (Ok, maybe that's a little old …)

Blue Jays. "It's been 21 seasons since our last playoff game. T-w-e-n-t-y-O-n-e. That stinks."

Rays. "Who gave Joe Maddon an opt-out clause in his contract? And then who told him about it, dammit? And when are we moving out of the Trop?"

Red Sox. "Only one postseason berth but two last-place finishes in the East in the past five years. What the hell?"

AL Central

Tigers. "The bullpen still stinks."

Royals. "Seriously, what are we gonna do with all this 'Billy's Hit it a Ton' barbeque sauce now?"

Indians. "We don't care how cool of a dude Nick Swisher is, if that bro don't hit, he's gotta go."

White Sox. "We've had an awesome offseason and still everyone's talking about the Cubs. Ugh."

Twins. "Hey, Torii's back and that's cool and all, but we're still gonna finish last in the division again, aren't we?"

AL West

Angels. "Why did Mike Scioscia keep sending Josh Hamilton to the plate in the playoffs? No, really, why?"

A's. "September and October crushed our holiday spirit. And now Josh Donaldson is gone. We don't want to talk about it."

Mariners. "Getting Nelson Cruz to DH was nice, but our outfielders might hit a total of 25 home runs next year. That stinks."

Astros. "We've gotten to the point where only losing 92 games is a massive improvement. That's not cool."

Rangers. "Is Jurickson Profar ever going to actually play? At some point, we'd like to see him actually play."

NL East

Nationals. "Eventually, this team is actually going to win an October series or two, right? Because losing to inferior teams in the playoffs is soul-crushing."

Mets. "The Wilpons. That's all."

Braves. "You guys traded away the wrong Upton. You know that, right?"

Marlins. "Jeffery Loria, you are just the worst."

Phillies. "Um, front office guys? You shoulda seen this coming. Everyone else saw this coming. Why did you not see this coming?"

NL Central

Cardinals. "It's been three full seasons since we won a World Series. That's your fault, Matheny."


Brewers. "Remember when you guys only won 11 of your last 36 games last season and collapsed out of the playoffs? That was awful. Do better."

Reds. "At some point, you're going to find someone other than Skip Shumaker to play left field in 2015, right? This is no longer funny, Mr. Jocketty."

Cubs. "OK, it's hard to complain about anything that's happened since the start of September. Of course, y'know, there's still that whole haven't-won-a-World-Series-since-1908 thing."

NL West

Dodgers. "Why have we not traded for Cole Hamels yet?"

Giants. "How in the world could you let your 28-year-old third baseman, a fan favorite and owner of a .426 career World Series average, leave to Boston?"

Padres. "You know what? We're OK with skipping the grievances this year. Let's hope this new offense actually shows us a couple of feats of strength in 2015."

Rockies. "2015 isn't going to be any better, is it?"

Diamondbacks. "At least Kevin Towers is gone."