This is all kinda new to --- a friend of mine (yeah, that's it). Tips on getting past the end of a 3-year relationship, that you didn't want to end, when u were in love with the person, would be appreciated.
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My first advise would be to turn your thoughts and energy towards yourself! Do things that make you feel better. Concentrate on any goals you might have for yourself. Develop a hobby that is something that creates something you would enjoy.

The hardest part of a breakup like this is not constantly thinking about what is lost. Not imaging how things could be/could have been different! But, if the reality is that they are indeed different, don't try to act like nothing ever happened. When you do that, you leave reality! Smile

However, there more your time and energy and focus is on something else (or someone else, like yourself!) then the less time it is on regret and feeling unhappy!

If possible, make it a point to come to the understanding that you cannot control someone else's actions or feelings. If leaving was her idea, it was what she wanted to do and you have no control over that and can't (and shouldn't) beat yourself up on not being able to change that. What you do have control over is moving on ... one day at at time, putting one foot in front of the other! Smile

Everything is going to be okay!
Step 1: go to liquor store and get 1 ea bag of ice, 1-2 btls of your favorite soda and at least 1/2 Gal of your choice of poison.

Step 2: Go home put on some oldies but goodies and consume all of your poison

Step 3: After consuming the poison your head should be hurting so bad the next day you will have forgot why you were drinking

Step 4: hit the streets and start a new begining


brosmile @ Ocatchings

Vox, tell your friend it won't be easy, but have patience and give him-self time to heal. Time has an effective way of healing broken hearts as life naturally moves on if you let it.

Chalk that relationship up as an experience to grow on. Have the courage to accept the situation and move on, and be determined to improve his life from now on.

For a more practical approach try something new, join an organization or get a hobby, or new hobby. If not already get involved in something that is both challenging and exciting it will aid in occupying your mind, while passing time.

And I definitely concur with EbonyRose about doing something you enjoy. You never know, you may meet someone who enjoys the exact same things you do. That's a good new start. thumbsup

All good suggestions (I wouldn't try that rebound thing), but don't forget to let yourself mourn. If you feel like crying, cry. You want to lock yourself up in your crib for two weeks without showering, do so. Wanna get drunk, drink. Do whatever you have to do to get it out of your system so you can face the world re-newed. Like Len said, it should a learning experience and you don't want to be dragging any leftover baggage from it behind you.
Thanks for the suggestions. And LOL@Catchings! But this being a very new thing for me (see my thread back in August 03 in the Den about love; I cured that problem a little TOO well), drinking in this condition might turn me into one of those old angry drunks from the 'hood! Hollering like, "She ain' shit!! And YOU ain' shit neither!! ALLA y'all (pointing flailingly) ain' shit! And u ain' neva gon' BE shit!! Shit!"

It's slowly working itself out though. Thanks...
After a paticularly difficult break-up, a wise (much) older woman told my friend (yeah, that's it) to take three days and do everyone doable (don't forget to strap up, though); then on the third day rise, and go on with life.

It didn't work, I (I mean, my friend) still thought about the lost love; but I (I mean, he) has some great "penthouse forum" type stories.
About 9 years ago I went through a breakup after a 10 year relationship. What I did was
1. Join a gym
2. Eat healthy foods
3. Go to museums and libraries
4. Take myself on picnics where I could read without distractions.
I really had a ball. You can really enjoy this alone time if you want to make it yours and not just exist in a broken up state. I did all the things I wanted to do
Originally posted by Vox:

The remedy depends on the cause. It's hard to give meaningful advice when you don't know the circumstances. I will say this, whatever you do make sure that it is not SELF-DESTRUCTIVE! Drinkin', smokin' and f*ckin' can ALL be hazardous to your health - the best thing you can do is be good to yourself. To use and overused quote: "...this too shall pass..." and you want to be there when it does.

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