Can I At Least Milk You, First?

Email Sent in by Alana:

Hey Alana:

Love your photos. Didn't read your profile because I wanted to write to you before you were off the market. The meat market. I'd love a side of your beef if you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? Your special beefy beef. Beefy beefy beefy beef. I want to read your profile but I know if I do someone else will come along to snatch. You. I want to go read your essays RIGHT NOW! I'm sure they are pretty and well written but I just can't stop looking at your pics! Do you mind if I make them my wallpaper? Why would you? You probably won't even write back. I go out of my way to write to you and compliment you up a storm and you won't even say hi back. Maybe if I was nasty prick you would write back! Maybe! You are stupid for putting up such beautiful profile pictures that it makes every man not want to read your profile! We just want to write to you before you're off the meat market! I WANT YOUR BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!! HA CHA CHA!



  1. Let me guess...Alana never e-mailed Karl and Karl's still wondering"Where's the beef?!"

  2. has anyone seen the "I smell like beeeeef" video? because I think these people are related

  3. How to explain the Karls of this world how such and email is certain to fail? Where to start? My head hurts.

  4. I guess he really wanted to meat her.


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