1. Monday, December 20, 2004

    on days like today 

    ones where i sit at my desk and do deskwork, days when im not flying chopper one, people will walk by and say

    shit tony, why are you still here?

    everyone around me has either died or quit or got shot, and ive shot a few of em.

    and theres no serious chance of moving up and why would you want to anyway.

    the other day someone from accounting came by and said

    i know what you make.

    and shes definately cute and i was all, but you dont know how much i steal

    and she sang, oh yes i doooooo

    apparently everyone knows if i steal i give it to the kids nearby

    or the hollywood free clinic.

    and i was all, fine, how much do i make. knowing that she knew.

    and she said, shit.

    but one thing ive noticed in california is that the rich arent rolling around town spilling champagne on their tuxedos laughing so loud their monocles pop out and their top hats tumble.

    the rich are just as fucked up as anyone.

    and i say that seriously. totally not jealously.

    and maybe its LA where you might have a fucking sweet pad right in the heart of bel air but you aint shit cuz some other motherfucker has one on the beach in malibu, but then someone else has one in the hollywood hills thats invisible or some shit.

    you cant win.

    and everyone drives the same mercedes.

    and everyone has the same pain in the ass fakebaked hottie on their arm.

    and no matter how great you think you are theres magic johnson walking past who has five rings, owns a half billion dollar company that includes franchises of Starbucks and TGIF, has his number hanging in the staples center, and beat aids.

    wtf have you done yuppie?

    and then hef walks past you

    and then dr. dre and snoop dogg

    the vast majority of the rich and the allegedly cool are just someone elses bitches here, everyone is owned cuz the bigger you want to get the more you have to sell out to someone freakier and this is the place where the prices are determined i mean where dreams come true, so deal.

    and everyones fucked but the poor.

    when less than zero came out i knew what it was about. i knew the dude named atiff. even back then in 84 atiff knew. all you have to do is look around and discover that this is the only big city where the mayor never matters and you’ll know why atiff looked at me, went into my bedroom, stole my acdc for those about to rock concert tshirt, levis, and converses and left behind a blaring yellow guicci 80s miami vice suit

    atiff who was introduced to my apartment thanks to my roommate david who had just gotten an job as an extra during the credits of rodney dangerfields classic back to school, hes the blonde jewish guy with the funny glasses.

    and i dont know why im still here i told the girl from accounting

    cute as a cute girl could be.

    and for some reason we both turned our eyes to the sunset

    and watched chopper one block the sun.

    and she said are you here for that?

    and i said fuck that.

    but only cuz i like saying fuck to things.

    why has noone told me that the reverse cowgirl is back? + on being jewish + brooks blog