Depression.  It’s a funny thing.  Not funny as in haha, but funny as in irony.  It isn’t something that is always felt.  It isn’t always a state of “feeling down” or “feeling blue,” if it is even felt that way at all. Sometimes, it can be a sneaky bastard that sneaks up on you with no warning.  Before you know it, it’s hold on you is so great, so strong, that it can make getting out of bed feel painful and at times, impossible.  Others cant see the depression, and often times look like nothing is wrong.  Many times, we don’t even recognize it  ourselves, that we are depressed.  We only know that we have no drive, no energy, with everything being difficult. Our focus is limited, and our desire to sleep so we can dream as a way to escape is strong.  The yearning to dream becomes what drives us, so we can escape the heaviness and complexity that has become our life.  Life, simply put, has become too difficult.  It isn’t as if we meant it to become that way, or that we can simply control it.  In fact, it is harder to control our feelings when depression has turned into despair.  The weight of life can become too much to bare.  One feels like they are in quicksand, or treading in water, struggling to keep their head above the surface.  When we are that deep in, it can be difficult to get yourself out, especially without the help of a professional.  

So, how do we help someone we love, when they aren’t ourselves, but know they are depressed? We know how they feel.  We know where they are at.  But how do we help them?  In some respect, you empathize and try to nudge and gently push. But not too much, in fear of sending them either further in the rabbit hole, with the dark thoughts finally taking over, and ending with tragedy.  Or in fear of possibly sending them in the opposite direction, in an unintended push back into the sleepless nights, the adrenaline rush, and after the 3rd day of no sleep, the alter ego, Mr. Hyde showing his ugly face. The balance can be so delicate, it’s hard to know what the right answer is. It’s hard to know how to help your loved one, knowing the only way you were pulled out was through the help of a professional.  But how do you get help for someone who is refusing it?  

And then, the other part of you is mad.  Angry even, that they refuse to get help.  You got help, so why can’t they?  Why can’t they see what this is doing to you?  To their children?  Why cant they WANT to get help, even if it is only for their family?   The feeling of helplessness and the frustration that goes along with it.  You want to scream at them, shake them out of it since the encouragement, the gentle nudges, and pushes have gone on to be ineffective.  A momentary wish of bitch slapping them out of it comes to mind, but you quickly realize that too isn’t the answer.  Your marriage counselor would likely frown on that.  

And there is so much you want to say to them, but don’t, for fear of making things worse. You tell them their family needs them, their children need them, only to have it appear as though it isn’t enough.  And the fear sets in that you and your children are become just that.  Not enough.  The answer seems so damn elusive, that you yourself are beyond frustrated, and feeling helpless.  Hopeless even.  The fear is a harsh reality.  A reality you hope never comes to be.  

Damn this depression.  You curse it, call out its name, you try to shove it out of the way, and yet it remains.  Takes further hold even.  You see your loved one slipping away, and nothing seems to snap them back into reality.  And you wonder, where do we go from here?  Can we go up?  Or do we go even further down?  What is the answer?  I wish I knew.










Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?











When the Police Arrested My Veteran….Our Story










Military Spouses


Eleanor Roosevelt

Stop the Stigma!

As I look at another news stories that brings spotlight on soldier suicide, I’m saddened at the comments by civilians and some military members or their families on these stories posted by the tv news channels.  One of the news organizations called the soldier a “suspect,” like the soldier was a criminal.  Calling him a suspect is not only insensitive it is adding to an already wide spread stigma. He needs help, not being viewed as a criminal.

There is a stigma not only in the military but in our news media as well on soldier/veteran suicide and PTSD.  For many people, they associate our veterans and service members with PTSD as being homicidal who are capable at any moment of killing massive amounts of people.   Very few time does the tv news media actually show what most veterans with PTSD go through day by day, and the simple fact that they aren’t violent.  The news media doesn’t bring up the massive amounts of medications our veterans and service members are given.  Medications that can bring on more issues.  They don’t bring up the fact that most of these active duty service members go to get help only to receive very little, or veterans who seek help stand in a l o no line, waiting many months, only to give up in the interim.

The stigma is still there, and if we want to stop that stigma, we have to start with the leaders in our military and our tv news organizations.  Our leaders in the military cannot ignore a service member when they start showing signs of PTSD.  Leaders should be trained on the signs of PTSD,  and go through classes on what to do if a service member starts to show signs of PTSD.  They also cannot punish that person or ignore loved ones coming from them.  Getting help to our service members quickly is paramount.  The sooner they get help, the better.

With the news media, stop sensationalized these stories when a service member or veteran is violent.  Help educate about PTSD/veteran suicide and be a part of the solution not the problem.  These are not only people we are talking about, these are people who have sacrificed for their country.  Just because you can’t see their wounds doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Please, stop the stigma.Supportthosewhosuffer-