-~- Welcome Fellow Derp


You know…




Why did I name this blog derp2derp?



What does the word derp mean? 

Here’s a couple definitions:

Courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

derpy-awkward or embarrassing, especially pertaining to a person:

“Man, that guy is so awkward!”
“Yeah, he’s really derpy.”

Courtesy of Myself:



“Hahaha.  You’re such a herp derp.”




Life’s too short to waste time being embarrassed by failure.

Why wince at failure when you can laugh?

Let’s derp it up.



Racial Genocide

What I am about to write is going to sound outlandish and generally uncharacteristic of this blog, but it is information that needs to be shared.

There is a genocide going on in the United States and around the world that has nothing to do with guns, knives or nuclear weapons.

It is a genocide conducted by the use of science and it has been going on for decades. It is a silent killer and therefore all the more sinister.

Now, I am all for the advancement of science, but when the wonderful discoveries and inventions of science begin to be used to cross clear ethical and moral boundaries, some questions need to be asked. Some people need to be put in jail even. Unfortunately, the hands that have weaponized science are the hands of the government, so of course Big Brother is hesitant to imprison one of it’s own limbs. It has chosen to turn a blind eye to the injustices happening on the daily basis.

It is the job of regular little civilians like me to encourage the exposure of criminal activity when it is brought to our attention. Thankfully, there are a handful of people who have access to proof of this shocking information that still have their feet firmly planted in morality, and have shared this knowledge so that we can educate ourselves about the covert operations at work among us.

The government is allowing certain racial groups to be targeted for sterilization, medical cannibalism, and poisoning. In fact, it can be said they are doing more than just allowing it to be done, but are actually establishing these aims themselves. As outrageous as this may sound, they are effectively accomplishing it through things we encounter in our daily lives; they utilize areas such as our food supply, our water supply, and our medical care. 

I urge you,

please take the time to watch this video that gives you an in depth look on the horrific things that are happening both within the United States and without. Do not allow large organizations like The Center for Disease Control (CDC) to poison you and your children without batting an eyelid. Protect yourself by learning the truth, and hopefully sharing it with other people.

Knowledge is power, friends.

Click the YouTube link below:

Exposing Racial Genocide



Cavern Hunting with Pandora




And you’re right.

But you’re also wrong.






Good thing hope is a flame and not an off switch.


Fertile Dream Ingredients









Giving a crap takes a lot of energy.


I’m awake.

And alive.



Pants On Fire











Wait, say what? said my conscience.

“What does that encompass exactly?” said my mouth.







“Um, I’m a teacher too.





“Uh, I teach in Pala.”

“Ohhh, okay. Where is that?”


“So where exactly?”


“In Florida,” I caved.








Happy Imbecile

I hold the belief that it is generally very bad to be a willful idiot.

Ignorance is toxic, and so to choose to stay ignorant is the epitome of human irresponsibility. As bad as pulling the trigger on another person, ignorance kills. Psychologically, spiritually and physically. It is deadly to one’s self and to others.

But laying ignorance aside, I also believe that it is sometimes good to be an idiot. There are types of idiocy that do no harm to others.  That are healthy for the soul. One such idiocy is the way we act with children.

Whether you’re a normal person or a humanoid tasked with the cruel mission of pretending to know how to do this whole human emotions thing like me, children (more specifically babies), usually elicit pretty strong reactions from people. You either are made super uncomfortable by them and want to stay as far away as possible from their drooling, babbling existences. Or, you are reduced to a cooing mess of squealing glee.

Surprisingly, I fall into the latter category.

Or maybe not so surprisingly. I’m a teacher by trade so obviously I have an affinity for children, but I don’t think my general temperament suggests as much.

I adore babies. 

Every time I come into contact with one, I am made more aware of that fact. It’s funny how much different I react to these humans, simply by virtue of them being smaller and more innocent. Their cluelessness rings of lack of life experience rather than willful ignorance or carelessness. For example,

inability to say my name because you lack knowledge of phonemes? Cute.

forgetting my name after the millionth time I’ve told you? Annoying.

inability to sit up on your own because your limbs are just so darn chubby and you lack balance? Precious.

sitting in a way that takes up a bunch of space even though there are clearly people in need of a place to sit? Rude.

Babies can get away with things that older humans just can’t. If a grown man threw up on me I’d probably punch them in the face. But when a baby does it, “Aw, it’s alright. The poor thing has indigestion.” I mean, even saliva, one of the most disgusting and bacteria-ridden substances in the human body, rendered endearing when it’s from a baby. Even a germophobe like me finds a way to rationalize my way out of it in the most irrational way possible. “No, no. It’s fine. It’s from a baby. Even though it’s seeped its way into most of my clothes and probably 70% of my hands’ surface area, I’m still clean. Babies don’t have germs.”

They’re manipulative sons of guns without even trying. 

“What’s that? You want to ruin my night of sleep in intervals of one hour because I don’t even know what since you have a clean diaper, I fed you one second ago, you’re not sick, and have a comfortable place to sleep? But yes, of course I’ll giggle with you in the morning when you smile after letting out a toot. Your body proportions are comedically stunted and you have that adorable fresh pampers smell.” 

If I think too hard on the things I get excited about when babies are around I want to get my head checked. For who else could I clap my hands and squawk in delight for recognizing that moving the left foot forward, must be what comes after moving the right one in order to travel across space?

It’s ridiculous. But they get me to do it.

I turn into a joyous buffoon every single time. And I thank them for it. It’s the kind of nonsensical idiocy I devolve into that makes the world seem a little brighter and a little less serious. Babies remind us that we were all blubbering morons at one point in time and the only real difference is that we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking we know more because we can chew food all by ourselves and stick our special parts into other people’s special places. Babies give us a chance to cheer ourselves on without knowing it’s us we’re cheering for. 


Talking to Myself in Public




Yeah, no.

I can’t even keep a straight face while typing that.




Excuse me, pencils.










“No, no,” I wanted to tell her.




Secret Destruction

Dreams can reveal a lot about you to yourself. I dreamt a while ago that some guy who used to be interested in me years ago came back “seeking my hand.” Like legitimate, “I asked your father for permission” style courting. That freaked me out a little. I hid for a while, deciding whether or not I wanted to entertain him. Like, actually hid in some corner of the house. I know, I’m so mature. Eventually I decided I did. Want to entertain him, that is.

Interestingly enough, it was only when he began to pull away, giving signals he was about to leave that I overcame my hesitiation. When we came face to face with each other we completely skipped any long time no see formalities. I basically pulled him into some alcove and dared him to make a move.

As I did it though, I realized what little intention I had in pursuing the relationship seriously, but I continued anyway. When I woke up, half of me was laughing at how kinky I had been, but half of me was appalled I would play with someone like that. He was clearly pursuing me as something serious, but I did it anyway. In that way I was intentionally hurting him.

Even though I’ve never actually done something like this in real life, when I woke up, the guilt was real. I mean, dang. What a savage, heartless move. If I’m being honest, such cruel things have flashed across my imagination during dark, lonely stretches, but I always drew the line at actually doing them. And reprimanded myself, warning to keep myself in check, because I think I see through people well enough to conduct such malicious endeavors of manipulation with ease if I really wanted to. I’ve always believed that you never truly know yourself and the lengths you’ll go to for comfort and relief of pain. For this reason, it’s when you get too comfortable in your inner good and ability to read yourself that you can find yourself doing crazy, destructive things.

I’ve always been extremely careful not to do anything like that in my waking life. I have kept people at bay for long periods of time simply because I was not sure of my true motives, or whether or not I would be able to fulfill them, even if they were good ones. As much of a virtue as that may sound, it has proven to be as destructive as it has been protective.

For the most part, I can assume I’ve hurt less people, but I’ve also deeply hurt people who are extremely important to me. Because they don’t know what on Earth my walls are for or why they haven’t been able to break through them yet, it can become pretty wearying and even insulting for them to see me still at a distance.

So I’ve learned it’s very important to strike a balance between monitoring your intentions and giving yourself room to connect with people. Which sounds so much easier than it actually is.

As you may know by now,

I overthink everything.

So zen equilibrium is hard to come by for me.


I’ll just have to keep trying.



High-Functioning Hopeless


How can one be,


just slightly despondent?




I’ve been thinking.





because the sad reality is,


so we will always be broken.




It’s better to do something than nothing at all.


The key word is “almost,” I guess.



Bedside Manner





“Yeah,” she replied to both our unspoken confessions.


I know.











Dewy Letters: A Poem on Optimism

He chuckled

Dewy letters trickling

Out of his mouth 

All hopeful proposals

And bouncy grins




They froze before they hit the ground

Solidified by the critical stares

Of his eye cocking recipients


They shattered  

Launching splinters of



                                                                          and W’s

                                                                                                     Into his innocent eyes


“I think

I hope

I wish“


His soul convulsed as they made

Impact with the unforgiving concrete


One shard of expression

Found its way

Directly into the darkness

Of the pupil


And maneuvered a path

Into his veins

Sending fatalism and apathy

Seeping into his bloodstream


The virus of death had been triggered

Awakened was the dormant code


Powerless until acknowledged


All at once

His chest became cold

And his mouth downturned


One eyebrow twitched upward

And his feet made a pivot


The assembly line shifted forward

And he thought to himself

“Who is this grinning fool standing in front of me?”