Art Basel Problems


1- How many pairs of fashionable yet comfortable shoes do I own? How many blisters can my feet take? Is Band-aid an official sponsor of Art Basel this year?

2- Unhappy bosses over 4 p.m. work departures for those who (at Year 12) haven't learned that being smart enough to have a job should also mean smart enough to correctly plan vacation time.

3- Founding members of Soho Beach House who neglected to RSVP before Thanksgiving faced with "Booking Closed" for 9 p.m. tent party slots and only being able to RSVP for 2 a.m. tent DJ sets.

4- Going to five events a day and yet feeling like you're missing everything good and important. Like the artist that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are into. If it is good enough for Gossip Girl and Green Lantern, it's got to be great.

5- The PAMM construction isn't done. Though Miami partying in a construction site isn't anything new, so not a real Art Basel problem.

6- Friends who haven't differentiated between basil the herb and Basel the city in Switzerland. Note to travelers, Basel in Switzerland is a lot less fun than Miami. In Basel, Switzerland they
glare at you if you cross a street during a red light. It's like LA that way, but with worse weather.

7- Friends who blow up your phone during Basel for your invites and access. Who would do that? Pretty much the whole town.

8- Traffic. Though the Miami Beach Mayor, City Manager and FDOT were brilliant enough to give the Alton construction a rest for the week. May they be that smart the rest of the year.

9- New Yorkers showing up and reminding Miami VIP's that "South Beach Rental Real Estate Broker of the Year" doesn't mean VIP in other parts of the world.

10- Attending one of the number one worldwide private jet destinations via Jet Blue. How gauche.

11- Waxing poetic on Throwback Thursday about the old school Design District block party while bouncing between Hermes, Fendi and Louis Vuitton and complaining about the Design District going commercial.

12- The VIP area of the convention center no longer has free champagne and truffles unless you finagle your way into the UBS area. Does UBS have No Hassle Rewards like Capital One? Minimum balance $25 million, what?

13- Not having a purse that is sufficiently artsy and fashionable and fits all your VIP passes and invites.

14- Joining PAMM Contemporaries for the Art Fair Survival Party gift bags and then finding out Design Miami passes were only in select gift bags and Convention Center passes are years gone. Sometimes charitable contribution actually means into charitable gifting, not an equal exchange of money for VIP party passes.

15- The constant Facebook newsfeed stream of pictures of other people's VIP passes, World Cup Soccer stars, Kimye or any other celebrity narrowly missed which bring back hurt feelings of being the only second grader in the class not invited to Billy Donavon's Star Wars birthday party.

16- Not having a Vespa to properly see the Wynwood Murals. Not having an Italian lover with a Vespa to properly ride you through the Wynwood Murals.

17- Being introduced to the artist of the exhibit and mixing up Impressionism, Post-Impressionism and Abstract Expressionism... the one place that liberal arts degree could come in handy and blowing it.

18- Believing that Art Basel starts December 5th as stated on the official website and missing all the best events which are over by December 5th.