Friday, September 15, 2006

Things that suck

I'm not dead.

I swear.

Here are a list of things that suck, in no particular order.

50 Cent - I can't understand a word you're saying, and you look like you were once really good looking but then your face got hit by a train.

Justin Timberlake - You are not black. Stop trying to be black, and tell Eminem that too, while you're at it.

Murder Mysteries - Eventually, you will realise that there are only so many ways in which to kill someone, and only so many people that could have dunnit. Stop making them!

Poetry that doesn't ryhme - Poetry is meant to rhyme. That's not small mindedness, that's fact. If it looks like prose, then it's crap poetry. Wordsworth has a lot to answer for.

Belly button piercings - Yes let's stab ourself in the belly, that's sensible. What's the point of doing that if you're going to cover it up 99% of the time?

Art Neuveau/Art Deco - both highly pretentious and poncy names for something that is essentially a swirly pattern.

Children - Children are annoying, and there are very few exceptions to this rule.

The Harry Potter films - kill me now.

Ballads - If you like something so much, just shag it already, don't bore the rest of the population to tears with your soggy sentimental crap.

People who eat chinese food with chopsticks who are not English - Firstly, the food you have just bought it not chinese food, because it was made in England. Unless it was imported in specially from china, it is English. Deal with it. Secondly, trying to eat this with chopsticks is just kidding yourself, for two main reasons. One: You're trying to make yourself feel cultured, when doing this makes you no more chinese than drinking Guiness and thinking you're irish. Two: It's stupid. Chopsticks, are stupid. Eating with them, is like trying to eat with a fork that has a pivot on it, or a spoon that has holes in it, or a knife that bends in a dozen places. It's difficult and it's daft and it't just like mowing grass with a pair of nail scissors when there's a lawnmower right next to you. Why would you do it. THIS KEEPS ME AWAKE AT NIGHT