Rihanna is rich. Rihanna is stunning. Rihanna throws parties at fancy nightclubs on the reg. She takes naps on private jets. Vacations like this one are routine occurrences for her. Hell, she's on a first-name basis with Prince Harry and Beyoncé. However, random dudes on the Internet still have the very gross misconception that she cares what they think—hence why an appalling article fat-shaming her appeared on the sketchy, 2005-looking website Barstool Sports yesterday, May 30.

The article—which is based on a (bomb AF) photo of Rihanna that surfaced over the weekend—has since been taken down, but the writer who birthed it still needs to hear the time. His name is Chris (which is just insulting to me, so I'm using other words that start with "C" to describe him), and he's deeply offended by Rihanna's alleged weight gain. He's worried other women will try to mimic Rihanna's "new high-key thickness" this summer, which is bad news for dudes who aren't "chubby chaser[s]." Here's a particularly heinous excerpt from Carl's story, courtesy of Elle:

"So you see her pushing 180 and it's a tough world to stomach. With all the fat acceptance and 'love me as I am' crowd, there's definitely a world where I could see chicks see Rihanna make some strong 'I don't give a f--k I just love pizza' quote that goes viral and bam we're in a world where all the hottest girls look like the humans in Wall-E. And just in time for summer too. A world of ladies shaped like the Hindenburg loaded into one-piece bathing suits may be on the horizon now that Rihanna is traipsing around out there looking like she's in a sumo suit. "

Yes, you're reading this correctly. This is an actual thing that was actually published on the actual Internet. It encapsulates both the worst form of misogyny and exactly why we need feminism in one fell swoop. But the writer isn't alone: Other annoying bros put in their two cents about Rihanna's weight on Twitter this weekend. These are just a few of the many ridiculous messages on the Internet right now:

  • "So Rihanna got fat?"
  • "I can't believe Rihanna got fat."
  • "I thought yall said Rihanna got thick? .... She's fat!"
  • "Rihanna got fat in 2 weeks lmao."

It's ludicrous that I have to say this, but: Women's. Bodies. Aren't. Up. For. Discussion. No one's body is, but this kind of speculation almost exclusively happens to women—and it needs to stop. Blog posts like this strip women of their autonomy and perpetuate the warped idea that men are somehow allowed to make judgments about people's appearances. It's disgusting and wrong.

Plus, we're talking about Rihanna here. RiRi! A modern-day queen! A million people would kill for her body, including myself (and probably the Barstool writer, Captain Crunch). I'm not sure what Count Dracula wanted to achieve with this post, but Rihanna isn't fazed. No one is! In fact, here's what Rihanna is probably doing instead of sweating this article:

Counting her coins. (She has a reported net worth of $230 million.)

Recording a hit that will get her another $230 million.

Wearing a literal crown.

Hanging out on various yachts.

Posing for opulent photos with Reese Witherspoon and Cara Delevingne.

Simply put, Rihanna is way too paid for this nonsense. Nice try, Chloroplast.