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Classic mistakes rookies always make

But instead of yelling, snatching the pad and showing them how it should be done, why not sit back, make encouraging noises and tick off each entry inour list of classic rookie mistakes?

Failing a QTE
What's that circle on the screen for? Which one is triangle? Oh, now I'm dead.

Above:And when they do get it, they'll complain their fingers hurt

Calling Sonic's rings 'coins'
Are you wearing a wedding coin? Did your Xbox 360 get the Red Coin of Death? Is your favourite horror movie called 'Coin'? Get off.

Above: Two beatiful wedding coins

Holding down the shoot button in PES or FIFA for 'power'
Holding down the button and filling the gauge makes the ball go in harder. But only in games made before 1996. All it does now is scoop the ball over the bar and into row G. So why are you still trying it?

Above: That's it -smash it, my son. Try to get it into the carpark

Playing as the wrong person
"Which one am I? I thought I was the woman with the huge knockers."

Above: What do you mean, hard luck? I'm the girl, aren't I?

Accidentally sliding the PSP's switch to 'Hold' and thinking the buttons are bust
Admit it – you've done it at least once.

Above:See? It's set to 'hold'. Oh yes, now it works

Pressing the wrong button in menu screens
X is yes, Circle is back. Either you'reJapanese (who traditionally use the reverse configuration), or incompetent. Or possibly both.

Above: MGS on PSone uses Circle to start the game. This is the ONLY time you're allowed to be confused. But even then...

Thinking four red lights is the Red Ring of Death
Actually it just means the TV cable isn't in properly – which is your own stupid fault.

Above: Saw this and threw your Xbox away? Duh! It wasn't broken

Doing a Shoryuken whentrying to do a Hadouken
It wasn't obvious at all.

Trying to use the stylus on the top DS screen
Touch screen am fail.

Pushing 'Home' by accident
Have you seen how far away from the other buttons the guide is? Have you never used your thumbs before? Look - we're using our T-shirt to play the damn thing and still we never hit 'Home'. See if you can get back to the game without accidentally quitting, too.

Above:Even wildly playing Beijing 2008, we didn't hit 'Home'

Cleaning the PSP's screen nice and firmly with a T-shirt
Oh, now it's all scratched. Yes. Yes it is.

Saving over the sole saved game slot with a brand new game
Tomb Raider. Pokemon. Learn from your mistake.

Above:"Since I deleted my save, it just feels like I'm in darkness, and I'm falling, and I keep on falling..."

Moving an analog stick while turning on the machine
The car keeps turning right! It's broken! Best take the whole thing back, to the store.Yeah, or... you could just unplug the controller and plug it back in again.

Above: Nice neutral position. Wanna race?