Ukrainian Hospitality

So our AC conked out. Costs an arm and a leg to get replaced, but whatever, that’s life.

So the workers came to replace it and worked all day. And of course my mom had to feed them. You should have seen this, folks, it was priceless. Not only was the meal super fancy, but she also served it in this royal china set I keep for guests of honor. She laid the table like they do in the Buckingham palace.

Hours later, when the workers were leaving, they still had dreamy looks on their faces. “Oh, that dinner…” they whispered. “That dinner… Any time you need us, just give us a call. We’ll be over in a jiff.”

Of course, my mom packed them some food for the road.



I’ve been happily avoiding the idiocy of the Barr hearings because the only people who care are… how do I put it? Not altogether there.

It was going great until I came to the salon for a pedicure and the pedicurist subjected me to a barrage of, “Can you believe he didn’t even show up!” I thought she was talking about the barber who does tend to be a bit flaky but when she started using words like “unconstitutional” and “impeachment,” I realized I was trapped.

I find it absolutely incomprehensible how anybody can possibly care about something so inane. I don’t get it. People freak me out.

Facebook Should Be Banned





A Better Immigrant

I have to recognize, though, that Ilhan Omar has assimilated a lot better than I ever could. She’s a lot more Americanized than I am. Look at how good she is at the favorite American pastime called “Blame the US for everything.”

There are craters on the Moon! Omar knows exactly how Americans caused them.

Carthage was destroyed! Omar will tell you all about how the horrific racismsexismislamophobia of evil Americans is to blame.

A bear farted near Novokuznetsk. . . Wait until Omar tells you how this event reveals the evilness of the Americans.

I will never be obsessed with the US to this degree. I’ve lived here for 15 years but I still don’t think this country is nearly as powerful, important, and influential as its inhabitants like to believe.

And I can’t even do the prissily outraged voice Omar mastered so well.

I’m a total failure of assimilation compared to her. I think there must be envy at the roof of my dislike of Omar. Thank goodness, though, I’m not American enough to be guilty of racismsexismislamophobia.

Big Tech’s Favorite Weapon

Big Tech loooves trans activists because they can be easily deployed against absolutely anybody. There is no adult on the planet who hasn’t said things like “pregnant women” or “a male penis.” And that’s all that it takes to eliminate one as an obstacle to surveillance capitalism.

Here’s an example.

Google wanted to get rid of the outside Artificial Intelligence ethics panel that was set to review Google’s products because the panel was starting to dig into some pretty creepy stuff Google does.

So how to do that? Google found some 70-year-old black lady on the panel who said something a bizillion years ago about how men are not women and women are not men.

In the true Soviet style, a group of outraged employees was formed (completely voluntarily and with no encouragement from the company, yeah, right) to demand the expulsion of the evil transphobe who was making everybody unsafe.

Google said, “well, we don’t know how far the rot has gone, we all feel completely unsafe with this scary old broad around, so we’d better dump the whole ethics board.” And they disbanded the board. Completely.

As a result, there will be no outside review of Google’s AI products. And the poor 70-year-old lady in question is still convinced that Google was bullied by a rage mob. Bless her heart, poor old dear.

Repeat after me: progressivism equals neoliberalism.