Hit, but not out

Pic courtesy: taylortalk.org

Promenading in her own style,
she entered a known circle;
anxious with an eager smile

She imagined delighted cries,
being pulled into whispered confidences,
some tight hugs, and high-fives

Cheeks blushed a rosy sheen,
with heady thoughts of acceptance;
a yearning of a teen  

She scanned to meet an eye,
a cozy groove, familiar warmth;
a friend who'll rejoice to say hi,

Heads looked on, faces smiled
but none who walked up 
and called out to their side

Corners lit up with banter
voices gushed and guffawed; an inner circle
she remained, the outsider

The evening wore on; cold,
she sported, in pain, a cheery mask,
withering under its fold

Pride hurt, she kept low,
the eyes stung, vision blurred,
her head held high, though

What to write?

Image courtesy: Pixaby.com

Blogger tells me it's been more than 45 days since my last post. I try to log on to blogger and for a few minutes, I'm unable to find the dashboard to my blog. I experience a few moments of panic. With that comes a sudden realization that much as I neglect this space, the thought that it should be taken away from me forever disturbs me. The human mind is funny. You give it something, it doesn't acknowledge it. You take it away, it wants that 'something' more than ever before. 

I get a lot of blog ideas when I'm chopping veggies or cooking. They are clouds of disparate thoughts gently moving with the push of the wind. I try to freeze the thoughts for a later time in the day when I might be able to elaborate on them here. But in the time between finishing my cooking, other chores, writing for my workplace and getting to my personal space here, I realize that I probably don't want to talk about those thoughts anymore. They now seem insignificant or irrelevant.

I look back on my previous posts to try and identify my strong areas. Topics that I might have touched upon frequently, posts that may have been liked and read by more people. What I see amazes and terrifies me. I don't have a genre. I have written on random topics; from maids to shopping dilemmas to fiction to parenting. I cannot categorize my blog. I don't specialize. I have no authority on any subject. It's freeing but also frightening because without a direction you often get lost which is what is happening to me. It's also sad because I don't give my readers any motivation or reason to keep coming back for more. I've nothing specific to offer; no tips, no solutions, no literature, no comic relief.  Random is what I specialize in. Perhaps rants too. And, of late, posts that lament the loss of writing mojo. Maybe, I could specialize on that ;-)

So, let me figure out how much more random I want to get. In the meanwhile, if you thought I wrote well on a particular topic, please do tell me. Sometimes, others can see what you can't, isn't it?