Matt Klitscher
Cynthia Addai-Robinson in “Spartacus: War of the Damned.”

We open with a shot of swords being forged from shackles. An apt metaphor for the rebels, and one not lost of Spartacus himself.

Spartacus advises one of his men to make sure the prisoners are fed; we’re beginning, more and more, to see the rebels treat the Romans as wickedly as they themselves were once treated. The sandal is on the other foot.

Saxa notices a young woman has an eye for Gannicus. He took her master’s life; now she seems drawn to him. Or does she have another agenda?

Crixus, spurred on by others, stages a contest between a baker and another Roman to fight for a crust of bread. Gannicus questions the gladiator-like contest, but Naevia responds that they’re just giving the Romans a taste of their own cruelty. But it’s so hard to stop with just a taste.

In an upset, the baker wins the fight, but Naevia, thinking he’s reaching for a sword to attack Crixus, slices open his hand. Even in victory the Roman is punished. Yes, the rebels are becoming more like their former captors every day.

So what makes Naevia so mean? She shares a story with Crixus about a Roman who regularly raped her in the most horrifying fashion–we won’t go into specifics, but it involved tools–and then presented himself as a caring family man to the world. She is haunted by the episode.

Spartacus’s city encampment is discovered by pirates. The leader of the pirates comes to visit—he names Spartacus a brother, and the Romans a common enemy.

But can you ever really trust a pirate?

That was a rhetorical question.

Julius Caesar and Tiberius arrive at the encampment of Crassus’s troops. Caesar is received as, well, Caesar, Tiberius is treated more like a Caesar salad. By that we mean green, and to the side of the main course.

The pirate wants to work with Spartacus, but Agron and the others don’t trust him.

Attius, a blacksmith, has a chat with Gannicus. He didn’t like seeing Romans made to battle Romans as the gladiators were once made to fight. Gannicus claims he didn’t start the fight, but the words seem to hit home.

A soldier comes to see Caesar and Tiberius. When it becomes clear that the soldier retreated in battle, Caesar kills him.  Tiberius, outraged, sends Caesar away and asserts his command over the army. Bad move. You can always use a Caesar in battle.

Spartacus talks with Laeta. She tells him that his men made the Romans fight for a crust of bread. Spartacus shows her documentary evidence that her dead husband was making his own dirty deals. He asks her to help him find the hidden seals that will allow them to make trades that can bring goods to the city and help feed everyone. In return, he’ll help her people.

Laeta brings Spartacus the desired seals; he uses them to strike a deal with the pirates to bring them food. The lead pirate asks for Laeta as part of the bargain.”You mistake me for a Roman,” Spartacus says, adding that he doesn’t deal in slaves. They agree to meet and make the trade.

Before that, of course, there is a semi-nude celebration.

The young woman is still making eyes at Gannicus. Saxa notices and spirits her away.

A naked rebel, giving the party the full frontal treatment, declares his male organ “is magic.”

“See it vanish from sight,” Crixus deadpans, in the episode’s best line. If only I had thought of that quip when my wife dragged me to see “Magic Mike.”

Spartacus gives Laeta permission to move about the city and report any mistreatment of her people. She asks to move into a stable her dead husband kept at the edge of the city.

The wild party continues. Nasir runs into a pirate who makes a pass at him; Agron, wild with jealousy, gives the pirate a beatdown before taking his boyfriend back to bed. Now Agron has made an enemy.

We break from the action for a Starz-y sex scene between Agron and Nasir.

Meanwhile, Saxa has a surprise for Gannicus. She’s brought home his young stalker to join them in bed. After taking a long look her her unclothed firelit figure, he sends her away as too young, which is probably the most unrealistic thing that’s ever happened on this show.

The stalker is there to meet Gannicus later. She says that her name is Sibyl, which is never a good sign. He advises her to stay far away from him “and men of my kind.”

Spartacus and his men go to meet the pirates, wary of betrayal.

Meanwhile, Tiberius and his men are watching the meeting. He’s been told by his father Crassus to keep his distance, but he wants to make a name for himself. He tells his men to advance. “My father desires a wolf of battle, not a well-heeled dog,” Tiberius declares, all the while looking like a puppy.

The blacksmith Attius is ready to leave the city–but Naevia thinks he’s up to some sort of betrayal and fights and kills him. “I have had my fill of men such as you,” she declares.

She then does some stuff to Attius’s face that shows she has a very different perspective from most folks on the meaning of “Hammertime.” I’m guessing her take on the song “If I Had a Hammer” is also pretty out there.

On a more psychological note, her rage likely goes back to that story she told about being assaulted by tools by a Roman when she was young. Rage, once planted, is hard to uproot.

The pirates seem ready to fulfill their side of the bargain during their meeting with Spartacus and his men. But both sides come under attack from an unexpected enemy: the Romans. The pirates help turn the tide by bombarding the Roman army from their ships. Tiberius is forced to retreat–the ultimate disgrace for a Roman. Daddy isn’t going to like this.

Spartacus seals his deal with the pirates. They’ve shown themselves to be the kind of lawless, bloodthirsty scoundrels you can trust.

Laeta not so much. She’s using her stable to help the baker and others to escape. Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem.


Follow me on Twitter @cjfarley

For the latest entertainment news