New Poe Poem Found And Read Into Congressional Record


Edgar Allen Poe

I am a bit old school in some areas, especially the arts. I enjoy all kinds of mediums, paint, charcoal, pastels, oils, water colors, stone. I'm especially fond of newer formats -- electronics and innovated creations like holograms and multi-dimensional light imagery. But there is one form of artistic expression where I can lose myself for hours, even days. It's plain old literature.

I read all kinds, from trashy dime story detective novels to considered works of art. I like science fiction as well as historical drama. Young adult fare to epic sweeping romances. Now I'll even let you in on a secret. I also appreciate poetry.

Yes, poetry. Whether an occasional revisit of Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare or the more epic sweeps of Homer's The Iliad or The Odyssey. Narrative or rhyming, poetry means a lot to me.

Recently I heard rumor a long lost poem by Edgar Allan Poe was found and it would be read on the floor on the U.S. Congress. I had read The Raven, Annabelle Lee and others by the master of the macabre but this "new" work wasn't one of the famous -- It was called, Just The Way It Is.

I knew of Poe as such a visionary -- his horrifying, dark imagery. Leonore and The Conqueror Worm.  How excited I was when I heard that a newly discovered work by the master of macabre was going to be read aloud in the Capitol Building, I rushed to listen to it on C-Span1.

Imagine, a lost poem by Poe? Does it get much better that this? By the way, it's rumored to be his last work. Knowing that he died a mysterious death, some say madness, others poisoning, others, that he was killed to keep some secret from being revealed. He was a cryptographer. Maybe this poem would shed some light onto his final demise. Maybe you can find a clue among his last words.

It came on two pages,
It has withstood the ages.
The word "shall,'' is only 10 times mentioned,
But enough to get one's attention.
No taxes did this law raise,
To this day it continues to create much praise;
Two great religions does it claim,
The "Law of the Ten Commandments'' is its name.
A current writing, 1,990 pages long,
Has a socialist philosophy that is all wrong;
Difficult for the people to understand,
And troubling what big government doth demand.
Over 3,445 "shalls'' it does loudly shout,
New massive taxes does it proudly tout;
Written in secret by the bureaucrats,
For exclusive use of the taxacrats.
The Congressional bill called "Health Care Reform,"
Is illusionary, the authors are still ill-informed;
Government ought not take over America's health biz.
And that's just the way it is."

That's it? That piece of drivel is the missing work of one of the literary greats?

Wow. Okay, Pit and the Pendulum and The Telltale Heart it ain't. Actually it ain't even good. It's crap. But I could discount that because, well, Edgar was ill in his final years. Whatever illness he was suffering from, must have been really severe.

Wait a minute. Hold on. Oh no...

I hope you won't be too pissed off at me.

Ted Poe

This poem was written by Poe all right -- but the wrong Poe. This piece of drivel was written and delivered by House Representative Ted Poe (R-Tex.).  No wonder it sucks. Rep. Poe is a Tea Party ally of Rafael Ted Cruz. I hear they're such tight BFF's that Senator Raffy Cruz took the nickname 'Ted' from him, his literary hero.

And this whole speech is about healthcare. The Affordable Care Act. Obamacare.

Okay. Now it all makes sense. Sorry if I confused you. When I heard a poem by Poe was going to be read into the official Congressional record, you could see how I could make that mistake.

Roseanne Roseannadanna

In the words of Roseanne Roseannadanna, "Never mind."

  • Jason Rowe