Night 1: Mario

"Welcome, everyone, to 'Super Smash Brothers Humiliation'! This is a show where we embarrass SSB characters!" The host said as he walked into the studio and sat down in one of two chairs. He was really young for a host, just 13 going on 14. He wasn't very good looking, but wasn't ugly either. He had brown eyes and very dark brown, nearly black, hair (I'm describing myself so pay attention!).

"First off," he said, still standing, "let me introduce my crew: (note: these are character I won't interview because I don't have the heart to make fun of them.) Our cameramen, Pikachu and Pichu, sound directors, Kirby and Jigglypuff, and people that do a bunch of other stuff, Mr.G&W., Yoshi, Ice climbers, Diddy Kong, Lucas, Ness, Toon Link, and Young Link!"

He sat down and said, "Tonight we will be interviewing Mario character!" The crowd went wild.

"Our first guest is none other than the world famous red hero himself, Mario!"

The red plumber walked out onto the set and sat in the chair across from the host, who said, "Mario, you're sitting in a lie detector chair, that will tell me if you're lying or not by that little light beside you that's INDESTRUCDTABLE!!"

"I understand-a, so it's a like moment of truth-a?"


"Eh… not really. Moment of truth asks questions written ahead of time. I'll ask you the first thing that comes to mind and roll with it."


"Now," the host said, sitting up, "You are married to Princess Peach, correct?"

"Yes," Mario said, not lying.

"So, does that make you king?"

"Well, no, but…" Mario said not lying.

"Anyways, have you ever cheated on Peach?"

"WHAT?!" Mario asked, nervous.

"Well, have you?" the host gave him a suspicious look.

"Well…" Mario was now sweating.

"Well?" the host asked impatiently.

"No, no I haven't," Mario said. Suddenly, the buzzer went off like a fire alarm.

"Oh ho…" the host said intrigued.

"This-a thing's defected-a!" Mario stammered.

"No, it's not…" the host said.


Mario looked like he was about to wet himself.

"So," the host said, "Don't you ever get tired of having to keep saving Peach?"

"Oh, yes-a! I bet a-Link never has this much trouble-a!"

"Yeah," the host agreed, "Zelda can defend herself."

"Plus she's-a hotter," Mario said, before covering his mouth.

The host was amused by this point. "So," he continued, "If you could, would you leave Peach for the woman you're cheating on her with?"

"No…." Mario said, but the buzzer went off again. Mario buried his head in his hands and looked like he was about to cry.

"Well, onto the next guest!" the host said as security carried Mario away.