To wonder why it takes men more than 5 minutes to have a poo??

(90 Posts)
natwebb79 Sat 24-Aug-13 10:48:19

Just that really. If you need one enough to go to the loo surely it shouldn't take that long?!?! (Obviously I'm not including people with bowel conditions in this). grin

Astr0naut Mon 26-Aug-13 07:43:40

dh likes about 3 in the morning on a weekend and 2 on a workday. He also likes a poo when he arrives home.

His favourite trick is pooing just before we leave, which adds to the time it takes to get out of the door.

When I was in labour with dc1, no one in dhs work could contact him-because he was pooing and didn't respond when people came looking for him!

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 07:53:19

Astr0naut three every workday morning?!

Where does he work? Either somewhere very stressful, or as a chili pepper taster I'd wager.

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 07:53:46

Sorry, weekday/weekend. But still.

ipswichwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 07:54:27

I have ibs so it's normally a pretty speedy event, but now I'm 24 weeks pregnant and have the worst constipation ever. I keep wanting to go but then nothing happens (sob) so I'm in there for some time sad it's never relaxing "me time" either. I've either got toddler DS in there with me or "harridan with a stopwatch" boss on the warpath demanding to know where I've gone. It's not like I enjoy being stuck in works refrigerator sizes toilet ffs confused

Mrsdavidcaruso Mon 26-Aug-13 08:02:09

My DH says it's because he has a hairy arse so the paperwork takes longer

Astr0naut Mon 26-Aug-13 12:29:37

Sorry, Should've said before he goes to work! He says it's healthy. One on waking up, one before shower and generally 'one last try' before he leaves.

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 12:49:26

Astr0naut what does the man eat for tea??

He must get up looking like Russell Grant, and head off to work looking like Russell Brand.

I think I read on here once that women are also quicker because we have more muscles in our nether regions so are better at pushing it all out. The vaginal muscles act as a fuel injection system; men just have a carburetor. grin

Pilgit Mon 26-Aug-13 13:27:31

Saturday night dh found suspicious bruises on his leg. We worked out they are from his elbow where he has been holding his kindle whilst sitting on the loo. If you are in long enough to bruise you are in too long!

BoozyBear Mon 26-Aug-13 13:33:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin Mon 26-Aug-13 13:35:58

I have no idea - and given that my DH poos 5 times a day he spends most of his waking hours in the loo.....he's in there for bloody hours, we have entire conversations through a locked door, it's the only way I can speak to him I am exaggerating but not much

DanicaJones Mon 26-Aug-13 13:52:13

Some of you seem to be married to men who spend their entire waking hours pooing.

DanicaJones Mon 26-Aug-13 13:55:19

Oops. Just repeated what SirChenjin said

arethereanyleftatall Mon 26-Aug-13 14:03:17

Because they can.

OldMacEIEIO Mon 26-Aug-13 15:23:10

my ex was always ages on the loo because he had ring the coastguards to warn them there was a shipping hazard on the way

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