DVD review: Sex and the City: The Movie

(Cert 15)

If only the Large Hadron Collider had (as some prophesied) ripped a hole in the space-time continuum and dragged the entire planet screaming into a vortex of eternal blackness. Better that than to live in a world in which copies of this ghastly TV by-product will be flying out of shops like thermonuclear missiles aimed at the heart of civilisation itself. Mealy-mouthed apologists blather that Sex and the City: The Movie is a 'film for women', but only a dyed-in-the-wool misogynist could honestly argue that this product-placed orgy of shoes, shopping and bodily shaving had specific gender appeal. It's not a matter of whether you're male or female, gay or straight - the only issue here is whether or not you are stupid enough to be hoodwinked by the clumsily re-animated SATC cash-cow. If so, more fool you.

After years of infighting (both contractual and personal, apparently) the core team of SATC regulars reunite in a very 'real' and financially binding way. Queen Bee Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is finally on the brink of marriage, while others are wrestling with assorted 'universal' issues, including infidelity, motherhood and the difficulties of turning yourself into a naked sushi platter (no, really).

Whatever the virtues of the TV show, it's clear that no one has any faith in this belated big-screen bonanza beyond its financial firepower - least of all the film-makers. The script is particularly disheartening, resorting to gags in which key characters noisily shit their pants - literally - in their desperate attempts to raise a chuckle. The cast, meanwhile, go through the (e)motions like android extras from The Stepford Wives, letting the clothes do the acting. Available in single- and dual-disc editions, both of which appear to have handbags where their hearts should be.