10 signs he (or she) is cheating


Although most people never plan on cheating, relationships can be fraught with temptations that can lead a mate astray. Signs of relationship infidelity come in many forms – some obvious, others more subtle.

“Even before physical cheating comes emotional cheating—the sharing and divulging intimate details of our lives with someone other than our spouse,” says Jacqueline Del Rosario, a relationship coach. “Such emotional cheating often serves as the gateway to physical infidelity; once you begin to share how you feel, your dreams and inspirations with another person, it is only a matter of time before that ends in the bed. You are creating a bond with that person on an emotional level, and that emotional tie all too often escalates into an inappropriate physical connection.”

Del Rosario gives us 10 classic warning signs your partner may, in fact, be cheating emotionally, physically or both:



3. Being emotionally withdrawn. It’s never a good sign when it takes effort to make even basic conversation with your mate, and also when your partner no longer asks for more in-depth details about things going on in your life—career, family, friends, hobbies and otherwise. This broad-sweeping disinterest can speak volumes.


5. Being secretive with the phone. Every time the phone rings your companion goes to another room to take the call. Or you notice the immediate deleting of emails and text messages and keeping the phone face down at all times.


7. Constantly working late. Your mate is constantly coming home late and blames it on their work schedule—even when it is not the busy season. The same would hold true for a higher volume of business trips.

8. Changes in sexual patterns and/or alertness. You and your mate used to have sex 3 to 4 times per week but lately, your partner seems disinterested and now you have sex only once a week or less. Or, your mate asks you to try new positions or “toys,” even knowing you may not be comfortable with it.



Categories: Dating, Relationships
Kristi Gustafson Barlette

25 Responses

  1. Chad9976 says:

    Aren’t these all pretty obvious? It’s the more subtle signs you have to look for, like the passenger seat has been moved.

  2. lealorali says:

    I think every woman knows if her significant other is cheating, whether she admits it or not.

  3. Miss Erin says:

    Number two is a big one to me. In my own experiences, and from what I’ve read, if your partner consistently accuses you of cheating…they’re the ones probably cheating. I can only imagine that the thought process is, wow if I’m cheating and I can do it, they must be doing it too!

  4. hotrod107 says:

    when you ask questions and explain what you think is happening to your relationship [not acusing them of cheating] their response to you is that ” you’re crazy”

  5. Ann says:

    I second #1.
    “Immediate shower upon arriving home, especially when it was not routine before.”
    HA ha ha!!! Yeah, that’s a dead giveaway!

  6. EZ says:

    You never see an episode of “Cheaters” where the guy really was just working late and visiting his sister.

  7. Erin says:

    Yes, #4!

    My (stupid ;)) boyfriend in college was cheating on me and I knew it. And when I questioned him about the girl and why she was calling and texting, his response was always, “I dont know, she’s crazy. Don’t be crazy”.

    Yeah, right. See ya, pal.

  8. Yook Hyeong Mee says:

    Haha, comment #1, I routinely cheat with my mom then ;)

    Most of these don’t stand on their own, but 2+ at once is bad news bears.

  9. Two Of Us says:

    It’s a shame that we have to search for signs. However, if your significant other is cheating or you have any assumtption that he/she might be, it is better to walk away instead of stay. People deserve to be treated how they treat others.

  10. Sarah Rain says:

    “once you begin to share how you feel, your dreams and inspirations with another person, it is only a matter of time before that ends in the bed.” Such a sad quote. It’s a shame that our concept of relationships is such that close friendships are always seen as a gateway to a physical relationship. It happens, for sure, but I wonder if it happens even more because our culture assumes that all intense/ emotional relationships must culminate in sex.

  11. mg says:

    It’s not just the young men who cheat.
    I am attracted to more mature men.
    He must have hynotized me for a long time.
    I was a glutten for punishment from this man.
    Finally, thankfully the spell was broken.
    I called him on all his cheating ,lying ways it was cathartic, and blissfully OVER!
    Now it’s 33 flavors of Hagen-Dazs!

  12. HomeTownGirl says:

    The phone will always get them caught.

  13. Tim says:

    haha @ tip #8…used to have it 3 or 4 times a week!?!? yea….not even in the glory days :)!

  14. JoRo says:

    I would say another clue is if the person suddenly starts being much more concerned about their appearance than they were before.

  15. Alf Land-Doin says:

    #11. He plays from the red tees.

  16. The other side of the coin says:

    So, hey, great, we got all these wonderful clues as to when someone is cheating. Should we ask, and get the answers to, why someone is cheating? If someone is cheating, there is a reason (or are reasons) why. That reason (those reasons) could involve the cheater’s significant other. I wouldn’t necessarily assume that the ‘cheatee’ is completely and totally without responsibility in a situation involving infidelity…

  17. MonicaL says:

    #11 You find clothing being saved that really should have gone to the dry cleaner.

  18. Kat says:

    Comment 16 – yes, there are probably issues with the relationship that involve both parties, but the cheater is the one who makes an affirmative choice to sleep with someone else instead of working to resolve those problems with the supposed significant other. And, like my ex-husband who was cheating on me, the cheater will probably cheat on the next (younger, more fun/available) person in their life because they are seeking to fill a void with a relationship instead of addressing his/her emotional issues. If you need to be with someone else, you should get out of the relationship before cheating and exposing your partner to STDs. And, the cheater should know that in choosing to deal with relationship issues by sleeping with someone else, he is cheating on his whole family, and in the end it will hurt the children WAY more than the cheated-on spouse.

  19. rmj says:

    @12–I agree totally. The phone was his downfall. I had been suspicious for months and I noticed he was calling someone an awful lot. Put the name as a man’s name on his phone but it really was the woman he was cheating with. Did my own investigating and called her eventually. Caughtcha!! My other sign was my ex was always home for dinner, meat and potatoes type of guy. Then all of a sudden he wanted me to buy him these tubs of yogurt and granola for dinner as he was going out the door to meet his chick at his spinning class…He also introduced her to my two young children months before I found out. I only wish my kids were a little older to question it back then…Marriage wrecker.

  20. Susan Feldman says:

    @18 Hurting the children? Not so true – staying together and trying to make it work when one spouse CLEARLY doesn’t want to be there is way worse than leaving due to another man/woman. It only hurts the children if the parents cant control his/her mouth around the kids. Families come in all shapes and sizes, with the right tools and dedication to the children they can certainly grow up strong, bright and full of life – without scars.

  21. Other Jeff says:

    A few of these, like showering before a greeting, are painfully obvious.

    But asking to try new positions? Way to set back communication several decades using paranoia as a vehicle.

  22. Sam says:

    The problem is, having been cheated on and knowing people that have cheated, knowing people that have been cheated on and knowing one person in complete denial about their partner cheating, I can only say one thing to all this: think before you act. Sure, there are reasons why people cheat, but it always hurts when it happened. I don’t have the heart to try and encourage my friend to believe her partner’s cheating, but he’s committing seven noted things on this list and several other obvious hints, for example, he goes out for walks often, (they live together) he leaves his bank statements out in the open and he’s spending a fair bit more… remember folks, if you suspect your partner of cheating, it may be hard to do but leave them. They clearly don’t respect your emotions and you’d be better off without them.

  23. Donna says:

    I’d like to add one sign:
    If you confront the cheater face to face > “Are you seeing someone else behind my back?” etc, and he goes here > “you are crazy.”

    I know of one man who even told his wife that she needed counseling, but if she signed up for it, he’d back her 100%! And he WAS caught cheating (toting around his girlfriend’s undies in his work briefcase. GROSS).

    By the way, he got busted by butt-dialing his wife ahahaa. I had to laugh!

  24. G™ says:

    It’s only gross if the undies weren’t clean.