to dislike getting texts?

(32 Posts)

I get no signal at work, so if someone texts, I don't get it til Im in the car on the way home. I pick up the baby, go home, play for a bit with her, make dinner, tidy up, shower and bed. Somewhere in the midst of this I look at the text and think "i'll reply when I get a minute". Usually that chance is only there at this sort of time when I get to bed.

Certain friends who text will, in response to my reply, engage in a lengthy to-and-fro conversation which I can't always do at this time of night. The texts are general "hey, how are you?" sort of ones and, to be totally honest, small talk.

I am very much of the mindset of if we have news, or want to arrange a meet up then by all means text or call, but I assume a default setting of "everyone is doing fine". I have some friends who seem to work like this, and we have no need to regularly text and ask how the other is etc, and as and when we meet up we catch up.

But it's the ones who don't think along these lines that cause me guilt. I eventually replied to a text from a couple of days ago tonight, at a friend's birthday party during a conversation lul, and the texting went back and forth when eventually I just coulnd't reply due to not wanting to be on my phone most of the night. So I still ended up feeling bad for not replying.

Am I overthinking this?

I wish nobody would ever text me.

DeepPurple Sun 07-Oct-12 00:10:55

I do sometimes forget to reply but I do think it's a good way to let someone know you are thinking about them. So yabu and Yanbu. Hth grin gotta go. The fence is digging into my ass.

AgentZigzag Sun 07-Oct-12 00:17:39

I'm the same as you and can take a while to reply to some texts if they're just general chit chat, it's what I like about MN though, that you can reply in your own time and the other person doesn't know whether you're near or have heard your phone so isn't expecting an immediate answer.

I wouldn't not want them to text at all though, possibly because I'd rather text than chat, but you're really saying you wished someone hadn't thought of you and decided to make the effort to contact you in whatever way they can.

Telling them you're off to bed/at a party shouldn't be taken as an insult by them.

Maybe you're thinking it's more immediate/important than they actually are?

FaintingGoat Sun 07-Oct-12 00:23:08

I would ALWAYS text rather than phone, partly because I'm useless at small talk. I imagine the conversation will go " are you?" Other person thinks "I'm busy, get to the point." Secondly, I always feel like a text message can be answered whenever they like, unlike a phone call. If you phone, you're essentially saying "Stop what you're doing and talk to me, now!" I would far rather drop someone a text so that, even if they don't / can't reply, they will know I'm thinking of them, rather than wait til I have time to chat, because they might not. If I have an urgent question which needs an immediate answer I ring, but normally avoid it if I can.

SummerSolstice Sun 07-Oct-12 01:01:34

Umm... I have a friend who is particularly bad at 'small talk' texting and, probably unjustifiably, I do find it offensive. Her texts seem very blunt, straight to the point and not once in 6 months has she asked about my son (coincidentally aged 6 months). She takes days to text back to the point you've forgotten what you text - when I text (a long waffly, chatty chatty text) to ask if she fancied dinner I received a reply a week later of "Wednesday?"

So, OP, sorry to say but YABU.

Maybe she`s not into wiffly waffly small talk.
Maybe she`s not interested in kids.
Maybe she`s me grin dont worry shes not.

AgentZigzag Sun 07-Oct-12 01:38:47

Why not text back the non wiffly waffly versions that speak volumes about you not being into long drawn out text conversations about fuck all?




'Will do'


It's enough to put any friend off trying to text poke you again wink

WildWorld2004 Sun 07-Oct-12 01:45:58

I love getting texts. That way i wont need to talk to people grin

LesleyPumpshaft Sun 07-Oct-12 02:17:24

I just don't like mobile phones, so don't like texts by default. I find them very annoying and people managed perfectly well without them back in the olden days.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:22:08

Hooray for Lesley. Have you got a mobile? Or am I genuinely the only person in Britain who refuses to have one? Like you, I think people managed perfectly well before they were invented.

LesleyPumpshaft Sun 07-Oct-12 02:27:15

HI sowornout. Nice to meet you! I must admit that I only recently got one to shut DP up. I never switch it on. I was without a mobile for ages though.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:32:14 DH thinks I'm nuts! He keeps saying, 'what if you break down?' and I point out that I've held a driving licence for 28 years. A couple of times over those years I've broken down and simply walked to the nearest house and knocked on the door and asked to use the phone. (Probably not for 10 years or so, admittedly). What happens if you have no signal/battery is low/no credit? is my argument.

I teach secondary and mentioned this last year and the teens were horrified. One of them said, 'Miss - my NAN's got a mobile'. I just genuinely don't feel the need for one and loathe seeing people constantly texting rather than having a conversation with the people they are actually with. My own teens know they are banned from texting other (more interesting) friends when they are with me. Mobile phones are my Room 101 item.....grin

LesleyPumpshaft Sun 07-Oct-12 02:40:18

I really don't blame you. Yes, the old 'what if you break down?'. Because you might get stranded for days in the wilderness without food and water here in the UK. hmm

I think it's rude to always text when you're in the company of others. Maybe we are old farts and a dying breed sowornout. grin Even MIL will sit here and text away while having tea with us, and she is a very polite person apart from that.

Funnily enough, DS 13 going on 14 shares my view of mobile phones being intrusive and isn't bothered about his. Slightly concerned about whether this is normal for a teenager though!

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:47:48

shock MIL! I think we are definitely a dying breed, Lesley. But I also think MIL is damned rude to be texting at the tea table. I just can't get my head round why normally polite people don't see that it's rude to be ignoring the people you are with and sending texts. We were brought up that if visitors turned up you turned the TV off and sat making polite conversation, so I just can't understand why it's ok to text whilst in company. Surely nothing is that urgent?

My DCs aren't too bad with phones. Although the teens all have one (phone bought by father, calls paid for by them) they accept that Ma is a freak about them and that if you want a lift anywhere then you put your phone in your bag and chat to the old girl. You can check your texts when you get to where you're going and Mother is driving away again. (I have occasionally seen them doing so in my rear view mirror smile)

LesleyPumpshaft Sun 07-Oct-12 02:56:00

I don't see why people can't wait to check and reply to their texts either, and I was brought up like like you. I've just resigned myself to people texting while in my company. I don't say anything, but I do secretly hoist my judgey pants up on high! DF is the worst, constantly on Facebook, Twitter and fiddling with apps on his iPhone. If anyone brings up a subject he'll have to go online and Google it.

I hate the idea of being contactable 24/7 wherever I am, and don't see why I should be. If it's that important they can all my landline and leave a message. Tbh I'm not interested in talking to anyone while I'm out shopping or doing other things.

DS like IM on his laptop, so not much different to texting I s'pose.

Leena49 Sun 07-Oct-12 07:19:59

Just text them back and say sod off that way you will have less friends to annoy you with their texts.
Personally I like communicating with friends whichever way it's done.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Sun 07-Oct-12 07:31:42

Can I join the club?
I have a 3.75. carphone warehouse phone, and check it about twice a week if I remember.
Loathe texts..I have to put my glasses on to do one, so consequently have sent about 10 in my life.
I don't want to be contactable at all times, think having your phone on the table at dinner/drinks is so rude.
I email and I call if I want to get n touch with someone.
Mobile phones are dummies for adults.

I love text messages. A lot of my friends and family live too far away to meet up and I'm not very good at talking on the phone - I find it much easier to express myself in a text where I can redraft if I need to! And sometimes a brief text chat with a friend will make an afternoon stuck at home with 2 small children just that little bit more bearable.

YANBU to dislike them, you're entitled to your opinion. But I think you are unusual.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 14:23:07

MrsRobertDuvall you may certainly join the club! Anyone want to join me in hating emails?? I probably check mine once a week (purely because DH has own business and accountants email me the payslips for the lads wages). I then find I have dozens of bloody things offering me Viagra, cheap car loans, degrees from US companies I've never heard of, etc.

LesleyPumpshaft Sun 07-Oct-12 14:26:17

Hi MrsRobertDuvall. Lovely to meet another kindred spirit. I am so glad that other people feel the same about mobile phones. Dummies for adults. grin

I would love to shun emails, but most of my work is done online, so no chance of that.

sixlostmonkeys Sun 07-Oct-12 14:47:32

May I join the club please?

I don't have a mobile .
In pre-ds days I didn't even have a landline - yet I had lots of friends and a hectic social life.

When ds was at school I carried an old mobile around in case the school ever needed me (they never did) and on the occasion I received a text from a friend along the lines of 'how are you' I would be puzzled - I saw them yesterday/ will be seeing them tomorrow - we can exchange pleasantries in the good old fashioned free and face to face way. I would never take part in the time wasting hobby of exchanging pointless to and fro text speak.

They encourage rudeness. They also make people walk in front of my car!

GoSakuramachi Sun 07-Oct-12 15:04:20

You find it offensive that someone doesn't want to exchange waffley small talk by text? Some of us have, you know, lives? If you want to chat, pick up the phone and don't be so rude as to time suck other people on your own terms.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 15:35:23

Was that a for or against texts GoSaku? It lost me.

GoSakuramachi Sun 07-Oct-12 16:14:02

Lost in two sentences? Now thats an example of what texting does to thinking.

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Sun 07-Oct-12 18:04:53

Calm down ladies grin

What did our mums do in the sixties with no landline or mobiles when we were taken ill at school?

Ds broke his collarbone at school and I had phone turned off (as usual).
Dh had to meet him and the teacher at the hospital and wait in A and
He is permanently attached to his Blackberry.

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