The Morning Wrap: July 10th Staff by Staff on Jul. 10, 2013

Another day, another wrap up of the best stories buzzing around the internet.  At this rate we’ll be replacing CNN by the end of the year.  Which is cool because then we can hire Wolf Blitzer to re-enact videos by getting hit in the nuts constantly.

Justin Pee-ber

TMZ, bastions of journalistic excellence, have obtained video footage of all around good guy and role model for kids Justin Bieber on his way out of a New York nightclub.  Wait, who cares about that and why is this entry called “Justin Pee-ber”?  Oh yeah, because, on his way out, Bieber stops to urinate in a mop bucket in the restaurant kitchen before cussing out Bill Clinton of all people.  Let this be a lesson to Break’s one 13 year old female fan – Justin Bieber is a jerk.

Spyin’ All Over the World

Yes, the US spies on its own citizens, and apparently Europe’s citizens, and now you can confirm Latin America’s citizens as well.  At this point, just assume the NSA listens to everyone in all places at all times because that’s how they roll.  The real question you need to ask yourself is do you care?  The media is pretending to care, but is anyone doing anything about it? Anywhere?  Any politician or anyone?  It seems kind of weird, when you think about it.

Prepare for 7/11

We could tell you about this tomorrow but then it may be too late for you to get ready, so today it is.  Tomorrow is July 11th, do you know what that means?  Free Slurpees!  Every July 11th, 7-11 gives away free Slurpees because awesome.  Get to a 7-11 between 7am and 11pm and you get a free small Slurpee.  It’s not going to change the world but you could still get some brain freeze out of it.

Poverty Mart

Washington DC feels that people who work in the city should be allowed to make a livable wage.  They’re looking to pass a bill that would ensure anyone how works for a giant corporation gets paid at least $12.50 an hour.  How ungodly of those politicians.  Luckily for the common man, Wal Mart is standing up against political tyranny by threatening to pull out of the city and not open three proposed stores to protest the wage boost because Wal Mart cares about employees being paid as little as possible.

Nude Bandit

Probably no one wants their house robbed but say you had to have your house robbed, this is probably how you’d like it to go down.  So to speak.  A woman came to this guy’s house asking if she could swim in his pool.  Happens all the time, right?  Sure.  So she starts swimming and then, if you’re swimming, why not swim naked?  So she swam naked while the homeowner watched.  Of course, at the same time, her husband was looting the house of valuables.  Seemed like a good deal, all things considered.