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How to help DH w/ my blood loss in birth (trigger)

Posted 02/03/2013
Ok so first some background. My husband's dad was murdered 12 years ago. He was working in the convenience store they owned and was shot in the head. About 2 days after this, my DH went to the store and saw the scene which hadn't been cleaned up entirely. Apparently the police cleaned up most of the blood, but there was still a lot there when DH saw it, and obviously that made an impact along with the pain of losing his dad.
So fast forward to last night. We were discussing labor and delivery and the possibility that I may have a water birth. I mentioned that I may not stay in the tub long after because I didn't want to stay in bloody water, and DH started asking about how much blood and stuff along those lines. Finally he admitted that because of what he saw when his dad passed away, he gets very worried when people he cares about get hurt or bleed a lot. From what I've heard, there's a fair amount of blood loss after birth but nothing that I've worried about. But now I'm concerned it's going to worry him and cause him undue concern on the day our little girl is born.
Any advice? I'm thinking of mentioning this to my midwife and asking her to try to reassure him it's okay, but I feel bad asking even more of her when she's going to be doing so much already. But I'm afraid I won't remember to tell him I'm okay and the blood loss is normal and okay. Does anyone have any tips?

Comments (14)

1 2
Posted 02/03/2013
My dh doesn't handle the sight of blood well. During the birth of our first, he told the dr he couldn't stay in the room bc he couldn't handle the blood. The dr calmed him down and draped me as much as possible so dh wouldn't see it. Maybe have someone nearby that could talk to him and see what your options are for draping. With my second, he was actually able to watch everything without getting worried or queasy.
Posted 02/03/2013
Terrible for your husband to have had to have seen the murder scene like that. My suggestion is ask him to stay up by your head while you are delivering. The nurses are pretty good about cleaning up "messes" as they occur and unless you have complications there shouldn't be too much blood loss. Maybe make sure he is distracted with holding the baby when you deliver the placenta or maybe have him step out for that part. You both will be fine. Good luck!
Rascallion · Original Poster
Posted 02/03/2013
Thanks for the input so far. I'll be at a birth center, not a hospital so I'm not sure if they can drape or keep him away from it?
Posted 02/03/2013
I'm curious too. I can relate. 5 years ago my DH and his friends were at a local restaurant/bar just hanging out on a Sat night like college kids do. Long story short, one of them was mistaken as the guy the waitress had been cheating on her husband with. (Totally absurd, my DH and friends were 22, this lady and her husband 34) but her husband was extremely drunk, left and came back with 2 guns. He shot at my DH's table and killed DH's best friend and shot DH 8 times. Needless to say DH had a long recovery (surgeons say its a true miracle, they have no medical explanation for how he survived due to the extent of his wounds) and he was in and out of hospitals for 5 months. So he isn't exactly comfortable in hospitals or especially being around someone he cares be in pain and hurting. (He tried to go after the shooter to save his friends, which is why he got shot so many times) so yes curious too! He is soooo excited about this baby. It's our first and a boy and again due to his injuries we didnt know if he could even conceive. God is so good! But he's very supportive, I'm just concerned too.
They are unique situations and even tho he will put the focus on me and our baby it's still important to me that he is comfortable.
Posted 02/03/2013

I would just ask hubby to try to stay away from the "business end."  You can actually bleed a LOT during and especially after birth and I'm sure it would be scary for him.



Posted 02/03/2013
Well I don't know how bad it looks when you have a water birth but my husband stayed by my head and focused on the baby he told me he didn't notice the blood at all. Maybe make sure your husband focus on the baby and not what's going on.

Married since 08/2007 - DD - 03/2009 - DD -10/2011 - DD 02/2013

Posted 02/03/2013
If you end up laying down to deliver, they can throw a sheet across your lap/legs and He can stay at your head. That's what dh did.
Posted 02/03/2013
Honestly, I know all women are different, but with both my previous births there was barely, if any, blood at all. I've watched a TON of water births, I really wanted one but I just found out the hospital doesn't have a tub, and while there is a little blood, I've never seen the water get all gross and bloody. I know all births are differently, but from the ones I've seen it is actually a lot cleaner than birthing on a bed, and the blood that does come out is lost in the amount of water and not nearly as noticeable. If you are worried about blood, I think the water birth is a great option! I would stay in the nice warm water as much as possible! It will be relaxing for both you and baby :)

Good luck!!! Enjoy your water birth! I'm jealous!! :)
Posted 02/03/2013

I know how you feel because my So is kinda the same way. The last time he was at the hospital was when his dad passed away and the doctors were being asses to him. So he hates going to the hospital and he associates hospitals with death. So getting him to realize that he has to go to the hospital if he wants to be there for the birth of our daughter. 

Last week when I thought I was going into labor he was all for going to the hospital. It's like the excitement of getting to meet and hold his daughter for the first time just knocked all fear out of his head. So I am hoping that happens again when I actually am in labor. 


Lauren Ashley- January 9th, 2009
Emma Scarlet- February, 10th
Harper Elise- June 7th, 2014

Posted 02/03/2013

I had a water birth at home and the water was not that bloody.  My midwife felt it was important to get out of the tub before the placenta actually comes out - so after I gave birth, there was a point when I knew I was ready to get out, and I got in the bed and that's where I delivered the placenta, which is where the majority of the blood came out.  So at that point, he doesn't need to be watching that.  My husband helped empty the birth tub and he said that it was pinkish, there may have been a clot or two, but it wasn't like a murder scene or anything.  Once you are laying in bed, they have those absorbent pads underneath you so it's not like blood is just spattered everywhere.

In preparation, I would just explain to him WHERE the blood comes from so he can understand that it's completely normal and part of the healing process - the spot on the placenta bleeds when it detaches, and then it starts clotting and healing up and there's no more blood.

I don't think it will be too traumatic unless you actually have bleeding problems, but you probably won't, and I'm sure your midwife if capable of handling it.  Give her a heads up, so that if something like that happens, she can make sure your husband is also taken care of.

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