Stop the presses! We have breaking news! Roll out the barrel! Happy days are here again!


There was high drama in LoDo as the Rox won their first game of June — actually, their first game since way back in Philadelphia last month — with a run-off in the 10th Saturday against those dastardly Dodgers.

Only problem is the Rockies still are the worst team in baseball.

That's not hyperbole; that's the fact.

From May 7 to June 6, the Rockies won seven games. Every other National or American League club achieved double-digit victory totals during that one-month span.

At the beginning of May, people were talking about the Rockies' chances of winning the National League West. Now they couldn't win the Pacific Coast League Northern.

Before Saturday's Rockies-Dodgers game, there was a promotion sponsored by Rapid City, S.D., and Mount Rushmore. Four mammoth characters — representing presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt — went out to the mound to share in the ceremonial pitch duties.

It was suggested that those four would be an improvement over the rotation the Rockies have been throwing out there.

The Rockies were clinging to a 3-0 lead after six innings.

Here's a shocker: Jhoulys Chacin, who hasn't won since September of last season, walked Matt Kemp to begin the seventh, then gave up consecutive hits and the first run. On came reliever Nick Masset, who, when he's not on the rubber, has been burning rubber between Denver and Colorado Springs.


He faced catcher Tim Federowicz, who isn't a household name in his own house. Federowicz, playing in only his 16th game of the season, was hitting .098 with one run batted in and no home runs.

Masset's first pitch was blasted over the wall, and the Dodgers were ahead 4-3.

Dick Monfort
Dick Monfort (Denver Post file)

My wandering attention was drawn to the condominium project under construction under a crane beyond left field. The pleasant view of the Front Range has been blocked permanently and unpleasantly. But the new building dwellers will have a Wrigleyville view of the ballpark from their windows and roof. I wondered if, as outside Wrigley Field in Chicago, the owners will erect stands on top of the complex and sell tickets — and beers.

Then I thought: Would people pull their drapes closed when the Rockies played?

Dick Monfort had trumpeted before the season, and continually is reminded, that the Rockies would win 90 games "if we stay healthy." Of course, the Rockies aren't healthy. They're never healthy. No team in baseball is ever totally healthy.

So, instead of 90 victories, consider this probability: The Rockies, who are 61 games into the season, win 50 of their last 101 games. They would end up with 79 victories, about what the rest of us believed.

They don't have the pitching, and they never do, and they don't have the solution, and they rarely do.

What, then?

The Arizona Diamondbacks were baseball's worst team for about a month. Not anymore. Rather than carping about not being "healthy" or being forced to play in the desert, the Diamondbacks hired Tony La Russa, one of the smartest and most successful managers in the history of the game. (He got most of his smarts attending law school while playing minor-league baseball in Denver.)

La Russa was put in charge of all things Snakes.

The Rockies are not about to spend major money on a Zack Greinke type, so why not spend money on a Hall of Fame type to run the franchise? How about hiring Pat Gillick? He wouldn't cost as much as Boone Logan or a party deck. All Gillick did was turn around three franchises and take them to the postseason often, and be inducted into Cooperstown. The 76-year-old Gillick currently is listed as a senior adviser to the Phillies.

Why not name him president of the Rockies?

You don't like Gillick? I have a list of a dozen other candidates for chief of baseball operations.

Please, please, give someone else a chance, or the Rockies will continue as the worst.

One Saturday victory does not a season make.

Woody Paige: or