5. Whoever had to clean the bathtub Justin Bieber got baptized in. Justin Bieber has found religion, which is great news for his publicist and a bit disappointing for the rest of us. Bieber was baptized at Hillsong Church in Manhattan last week after a series of controversial videos emerged where he sang racist lyrics. Apparently, Bieber spent a week doing Bible study before committing to getting baptized. Is there anything more trite than a beleaguered public figure turning to God? It's almost as bad as when they turn to Terry Richardson. Frankly, I find it awfully hard to belieb that Justin thinks there's a higher power than himself. 

(via Sonoma County Sheriff's Office)

4. Whoever's credit card was used to rent this $240,000 sportscar. Two California teens were arrested last week after police pulled them over in an orange sports car they'd rented with a stolen credit card. Mohannad Halaweh and Nhimia Kahsay, both 19, also rented a $12 million vacation home with the same card. The McLaren sports car has an estimated valued of $240,000 and cost $13,000 to rent. Those are some pretty ballsy fraudulent charges, and apparently this wasn't the first time Halaweh used a stolen credit card in spectacular fashion. In March, Halaweh tried to buy 14 iPhones and 2 laptops at an Apple store, but was arrested. In this case, I personally blame the parents of the car rental guy for whom this transaction raised no red flags. 


3. Sandra Bullock. The bad news is you're not going to look this good at 50. The good news is you're probably not going to have a creepy stalker who breaks into your house, either. Sandra Bullock was at home in LA Sunday morning when an intruder, Joshua Corbett, 39, tried to break in around 6:30 am. It hasn't yet been confirmed whether Corbett was an ordinary burglar or was obsessed with the star, but she did file an emergency protective order against him. Her publicist says the Gravity actress and her four-year-old son were "unharmed and fine," but as we know from watching Sandy Bullock movies, she always seems like she's doing great on the outside, but is secretly falling apart on the inside. 


2. People who believed in love as long as Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas could make it work. Long-time Hollywood couple Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas have called it quits after 18 years together. Their romance had always stood as a testament to the ability of a high-powered couple to make it work, no matter how difficult it became to tell their actual ages. (An anonymous source close to the couple told us that she's 56 and he's 53.) Now it's up to Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson—help us to believe, guys!

(via James Bridges; Twentieth Century Fox)

1. Anyone still recovering from seeing The Fault In Our Stars this weekend. Look, you brought this on yourselves. You're the ones who heard "young love" and "cancer" and thought, "Sign me up!" (Well, you and millions of other people.) You could have picked Maleficent or Edge of Tomorrow, but you were like, "No! Funerals! Hospitals! Doom!" It's the summer, for goodness sake! Go easy on yourselves. Spend the day at the beach and then rewatch Mean Girls. I don't care how much you're sobbing. It's hard to feel sorry for you.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)