Sporting News

NHL preview: 30 teams, 30 stories you'll hate soon enough

The NHL season starts on Tuesday. Great news! Hockey is cool!

Also starting up on Tuesday: the countdown until these 30 storylines are absolutely unbearable. It's nobody's fault—and Sporting News is as much to blame as anyone. It's just life; things get annoying when you talk about them for too long. Except pizza, maybe. Pizza is the exception.

Henrik Lundqvist's contract situation isn't going away. (AP Photo)

MORE PREVIEWS: Atlantic | Metropolitan | Central | Pacific

MORE PREDICTIONS: Blackhawks win Cup | Crosby wins Hart

Anaheim Ducks: Teemu Selanne is the greatest. He's also 43 years old and wasn't particularly good last season. It'll be clear early on whether this should be his "last season" for real—and if that happens, the farewell tour will be necessary, awesome and endless. Think Mariano Rivera.

Boston Bruins: If Loui Eriksson and Jarome Iginla aptly replace Nathan Horton and Tyler Seguin, we'll never hear the end of it. If Loui Eriksson and Jarome Iginla can't replace Nathan Horton and Tyler Seguin, we'll never hear the end of it.

Buffalo Sabres: Will Thomas Vanek and Ryan Miller be traded? Who knows. Should they be traded? Absolutely? Is there any way to avoid this, once the Sabres lose a few games? No. No, there is not.

Calgary Flames: The Flames are terrible and, at the moment, on track to be terrible for a while. It makes sense for them to bottom out—but mentally prepare to hear the word "tank" and its derivatives attached to them for the next seven months.

Carolina Hurricanes: They spent a lot of money on a potential non-contender. If there aren't early returns, that's going to come up.

Chicago Blackhawks: Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover. Cup hangover.

Colorado Avalanche: Did you know Patrick Roy is their coach, and that he had success with this franchise as a goaltender? What a world!

Columbus Blue Jackets: There should be questions about Sergei Bobrovsky, because he won the Vezina in a short season. And there are. And there will be.

Dallas Stars: If Tyler Seguin has the smallest slip-up—maybe he's photographed wearing a cowboy hat in a bar—it'll trigger something aggravating. If he doesn't, you'll hear ad nauseam about how he's growing up.

Detroit Red Wings: It'd be one thing if Daniel Alfredsson left the Ottawa Senators for a random Western Conference team. He didn't—he split for a new division rival. They play each other four times and potentially in the playoffs. Get ready.

Edmonton Oilers: Young, high-profile team. Playoff drought. Located in Canada. Three strikes. Also, their new coach likes vegetables.

Florida Panthers: They signed a goaltender who's been known to attract Facebook-based attention in the past.

Los Angeles Kings: Jonathan Quick is the presumptive starter for the American Olympic team. That's going to be beaten to death on its own. If he comes back from Sochi and has a few bad starts, God help him.

Minnesota Wild: Year 2 of the Zach Parise-Ryan Suter era. The supporting cast is under as much pressure as the stars.

Montreal Canadiens: It's impossible to watch P.K. Subban, who is 24 and already has a Norris Trophy, and not wonder how much money he'll get on his next contract. He's in the second and final year of a contract that pays him an average of $2.875 million.

Nashville Predators: For every goal they score, there will be a seemingly infinite number of references to how bad they are at scoring goals.

New Jersey Devils: Cory Schneider vs. Martin Brodeur. If it were simple, Schneider would start every game and the Devils would make the playoffs. It's far from that simple.

New York Islanders: They're moving to Brooklyn pretty soon! It's a very cool place, did you know?

New York Rangers: Henrik Lundqvist's contract, or lack thereof, will dwarf everything else until the situation is resolved.

Ottawa Senators: Eugene Melnyk's alleged money problems are hanging over a potentially fantastic team. (Cue Twitter DMs from Ukraine.)

Philadelphia Flyers: The story in Philly, as always, will be the goaltending. If Steve Mason figures prominently, it's almost guaranteed to end badly.

Phoenix Coyotes: Endless thanks to IceArizona for buying the Coyotes and putting that nightmare to bed. Now we get to hear about the job they're doing, and whether it's working or not.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Marc-Andre Fleury is a good regular-season goalie and, in the relevant past, a playoff trainwreck. If that changes, it won't be until May. Bad news.

San Jose Sharks: Whether it's actually Logan Couture's team doesn't stop people from saying and writing that it is.

St. Louis Blues: That NHL 14 simulation. Kidding. Jaroslav Halak is in great shape, and both he and Brian Elliott will be free agents. Who stays?

Tampa Bay Lighting: If they miss the playoffs again (and they should), get ready for the questions about wasting Steven Stamkos' prime.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Everything, almost literally. Every aspect of the team, every personnel move, every coaching decision. Everything.

Vancouver Canucks: They have a new coach, and boy, is he grumpy!

Washington Capitals: If Alex Ovechkin doesn't score at a 50-plus-goal pace again (and he probably won't), the "what's wrong with with Ovi" stories will resume.

Winnipeg Jets: They play in a very loud arena, as each visiting broadcaster is contractually obligated to mention once a period.

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