PND support thread?

(31 Posts)

Can we have one or is there one?

Ds3 is 5 months, I've been fine for about a week but yesterday today it's floored me again. I really hate this shit of a disease that's plagues me since he was born.

It's merrily destroying my relationship with DP who is so desperate to do something to make me happy but there is nothing.

Can we have a thread dedicated to supporting each other through this, bad days and good.

Today I'm not sure wether to shut myself in on the sofa and cry or to purposely drag myself around to do stuff.

I loath this feeling of sadness that is engulfing me, what on earth do I have to be miserable about? I have a partner who works his arse off to provide for us and make us happy, 3 lovely children and a home, enough money to not worry about the state of the country and yet I'm sitting in my car sobbing outside my house. sad

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 06:42:08

Hi OP-sorry you had a bad day. I hope things have been better for you. I've felt exactly like you as of late.

Fwiw, you must be amazing to have gone through this and still have THREE dcs. I think anyone could be overwhelmed, even on a good day, in those circumstances. How old are they?


Hi! It's an ok day today (so far) I have 3 DSs (8, 6, 5mth) the eldest had a lot of high medical needs and the baby is like Velcro on me all the time.

Sorry you've been feeling like me, how old is/are your dc? thanks

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 13:12:29

I have an 8mo DD. She is adorable and so bright...but she never sleeps. So she gets into really bad moods. It doesn't help that I still don't like to hear her cry sad

Ahh DS3 doesn't sleep unless he's on me, it's tiring feeling responsible for his sleep and rest. I can't stand hearing any of them cry either! I get told just to leave DS3 to cry it out until he sleeps but I can't bare too.

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 14:05:43

I tried Cry it Out for about 5 minutes and it was sheer hell. Even if it did work, which it didn't, what would it prove? That my baby cries a lot before she sleeps. Not helpful at all.

Did you have PND with the other pregnancies?

No I didn't! I was shocked to get it this time, I was thinking it would be plain sailing but apparently not, the pregnancy was really tough, delivery was out of the blue, blink and you'd miss it event.
DS is lovely but so full time, sounds silly I know but sometimes I just want to curl up on the sofa with DP and have a cuddle and chill out, but instead I have a baby attached to my boob and DP is over the other end of the sofa and we're discussing DS!

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 14:40:07

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel like I have a roommate and a baby. How are your kids with the baby?

They're in love with him but they really miss the interaction with DP he's besotted with the baby (they have a different father) and DS2 especially really feels jealous since DS3 has come along.
DP is really supportive of PND but sometimes he pretends like its not an issue and sometimes it really overwhelms him, he says he feels like he can't do anything right, then I feel worse for making him feel worse! How's your DP at supporting you?

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 15:06:23

He's actually a lot like yours-very supportive and helpful, loving, but can get disheartened when things get chaotic and I break down and cry. His DF also passed away the day before DD was born and I don't think he's really dealt with it yet.

Well it's good that we've both got support in our DPs, although I will admit to not always letting on when I'm feeling down I don't want DP to dread coming home to it everyday, probably not the greatest idea I've ever had.
He always asks what will make me feel better, I wish I had an answer for him, I keep telling him that if I don't know myself how can I let him know how to fix the problem.
I sit at home just watching the clock some days until I can go and get him from work so he can take DS and I can breath.

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 15:40:24

I've been there. All too often. I too get asked what would help and I have no idea. Which makes me feel even worse.

Or, I will talk to him about something I've been thinking about and it'll be dismissed because "you're just upset."

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 15:41:37

Sorry, hit enter too soon.

Are you able to go to playgroups or children's centres at all?

There is a couple around here, they're all very geared towards the church and I'm not religious so I feel a bit bad using them blush

The hardest part is that it's not predictable at all, I can have a whole week feeling quite normal and ok and then wake up and feel lower than ever, no rhyme or reason to it, there doesn't appear to be a trigger.

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 18:07:34

I am forever mourning the routines I thought I had. Every day I keep thinking-Today's the day! And it never is. Ever. My child just screamed for an hour-straight. Just because. Now she's smiling at me and I want to cry.

I hear you about the church too. Especially right now as I have little to no faith these days.

Funny little creatures babies, DS has always loved a bath but has just screamed solidly all through it, now we're heading towards the worst time, he won't let me move now, he'll fall asleep eventually and if I dare move he'll scream.

Sorry you want to cry, sometimes crying is ok I guess. Do you have family support near by?

MsAkimbo Tue 02-Apr-13 21:06:04

I do have family near. Support however...not so much. My MIL is wonderful but works 2 jobs. She's about all I can rely on.

Ahh, my MIL is lovely but she has a lot of stuff to deal with on a daily basis, my own Mum is dead and m sisters although bear by they do what they can but their limited by their own resources and family life.

How are you feeling today? thanks

MsAkimbo Wed 03-Apr-13 11:56:48

sad sorry to hear about your mum.

I'm feeling a little better today. It was another rough night though. How are you?

Glad to hear your felling ok. smile

I'm not too bad, baby has screamed pretty much all morning, all round Tesco, he's tried but he won't sleep!

MsAkimbo Wed 03-Apr-13 13:23:46

Oh no! Does a pram/sling usually do the trick? My Dd would live in her sling if I let her.

No sadly DS hates the many slings we've tried, he does often sleep in the pushchair but its started snowing again today hmm he has recently discovered a dummy, I didn't really want him to have one but it gives me 10 mins break.

MsAkimbo Wed 03-Apr-13 17:07:43

Ugh the weather is terrible. I'd be lost without my pram. Walks seem to keep me sane.

Could your DS be teething?

kalidasa Fri 05-Apr-13 08:15:05

Hallo titsalina and MsAkimbo. I am also struggling with PND - very low mood and difficulties bonding. My baby is just over four months old and I've not felt good since he was born. I had a truly terrible pregnancy, was in and out of hospital from the week after I missed my period and essentially confined to the flat for the entire nine months. Was in a wheelchair by the end. I don't feel I've come to terms with/recovered from the pregnancy at all.

Have either of you seen the GP? My GP has been very good and I am seeing a therapist at the Anna Freud centre (for infant/mother stuff) in North London, and also a clinical psychologist at the local children's centre (though she will come to the flat if it's tricky for me to get to her). I have to say I've been really impressed with the support offered, although it took a few weeks for the referrals to go through.

The weather really doesn't help does it?! It snowed the entire day here yesterday, I couldn't believe it.

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