"Real rewards for virtual achievements." That's the pitch behind "Kiip," a new Silicon Valley startup that intends to become the company that connects gamers with advertisers in a sort of Groupon for games.

Land a 360° flip? Get a coupon from Sephora. Murder a certain number of mutants? Free burger from Carl's Jr.

It all sounds decent enough, I suppose, but the tremendously douchey Valleyspeak—"The idea behind the achievement, which is exactly when you're capturing the customer at that point of elation, to convert them into a brand advocate is great," grins Mark Goldstein, co-founder of Loyalty Labs—shows that Kiip's "Welcome Video" isn't aimed at gamers, but at advertisers.

Here's a prediction: the first clients will be duped into paying a ridiculous premium to entice game players to play games that use Kiip's platform. Over time, the quality of the deals will tail off. Kiip will convince game developers to allow more pernicious integration into games that will (after chasing away the premium developers) be mostly shovelware designed to unlock easy but insubstantial Kiip rewards.

Or maybe it'll be great. I'll let you know when I unlock my first cheeseburger. [Kiip.me]