to want to scream at these relatives!

(112 Posts)
missesjellybean Wed 17-Jul-13 14:56:01

so I'm at the hospital now ... I've just had my 20 week scan, I had an operation a few weeks ago on my cervix so I'm not supposed to stand for prolonged periods but I've just been sent through to wait to see the doctor...and told there is a 2 hour delay...and there isn't one single seat to sit on.
the waiting room is about 30 degrees with no windows or seats and every single pregnant lady here has at least two relatives with her and they're all occupying the seats
I thought some kind relative who is just here for moral support would give up their seat for a clearly pregnant lady but they're all just pretending not to see me stood here absolutely roasting with no where to sit so they don't have to move. wibu to throw a massive diva strop at demand a chair....or at least ask the receptionist who is also pretending to ignore me to ask able visitors to stand so actual patients can sit....shockangry

bumpybecky Wed 17-Jul-13 14:57:38

you poor thing! go and speak to receptionist and explain, I'm sure they can sort something out

I'd ask the receptionist to sort out a seat for you. Get her to check your medical records (or tell her the reason) if you like. Then its up to her whether she asks someone to move or finds you a chair.

poopyisapig Wed 17-Jul-13 14:57:56

Please ask someone if you can sit down! Very rude of them not to offer. Please don't put yourself at risk.

rubyslippers Wed 17-Jul-13 14:57:56

of course throw a diva strop

and speak to the receptionist

teaforthree Wed 17-Jul-13 15:01:53

Sit on the floor in front of them, huffing and giving death stares. Or just say, 'could I sit down please, I'm not feeling too well.'

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 17-Jul-13 15:03:13

Ask someone to move. Or speak to the receptionist. Not UR at all.

Tee2072 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:03:19

Go up to someone and say, "you're not pregnant, stands up now!"

Or maybe more politely

squeakytoy Wed 17-Jul-13 15:04:30

I would go away and come back in a couple of hours.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 17-Jul-13 15:06:56

I imagine she can't go away because there is always the chance that the clinic will speed up and eat away some of the delay.

Seriously though, ask someone to give you a seat. There is normally a poster or notice about allowing pregnant patients to use the seats in antenatal clinics. Plus, it's good manners.

MaxPepsi Wed 17-Jul-13 15:07:00

Jesus how fucking rude and ignorant.

I'd be tempted to just ask the room at large who was going to move to let a clearly pregnant and advised by the doctors I need to sit not stand lady a seat.

They don't have to be there, you do!

YouTheCat Wed 17-Jul-13 15:09:35

What utter knobends!

defineme Wed 17-Jul-13 15:09:58

I would say very clearly 'is anyone able to stand because I need a seat as I have a serious pregnancy related condition?'
If no one stands up then I'd ask reception.

combinearvester Wed 17-Jul-13 15:10:01

You need to ask one of the partners to get up. Loudly. Bet this is my old hospital grin

PumpkinPie2013 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:11:08

Definitely ask someone or the receptionist for a chair!

It's rude of no one to offer! My husband has stood up while waiting for both our scans so pregnant people could sit down x

EvieanneVolvic Wed 17-Jul-13 15:12:14

What the fuck is the fucking world fucking well coming to , I am fucking appalled.

And breathe....

Go to the receptionist and ask her to organise a seat for you. (as per Dinosaur) If s/he doesn't, I will fucking well orrganise a fucking MN flash mob to fucking sort them out.

Yes, there are other things to go to the barricade for, but at the moment I can't think of one!

handcream Wed 17-Jul-13 15:12:55

I had a scan many years ago at a private clinic and a group of very rowdy ladies from the Middle East came in for one of them to get a scan. TBH they were all in burkas and could I say a little frightening....

The receptionist jumped out of her seat. Demanded the person who could speak English and literally threw the rest of them out. These were scans for abnormalities so a senstive area...

Also at our local hospital (wont mention it) it is cultural that when a member of the family hurts themselves not just one person attends A&E with the patient. I did once have to sit on the floor because of a family of 5 who had all come in for a young boy who had hurt his finger

EvieanneVolvic Wed 17-Jul-13 15:13:13

or even organise

HairyWorm Wed 17-Jul-13 15:14:00

Speak to the receptionist. Ask her loudly if there are any other chairs that you could bring through to the waiting room or could you come back as you can't wait in this heat.

At one private scan appt at approx 28 weeks had to stand in full waiting room of seated people of which about 3 were pregnant! One had 5 people with her. One had 2 teenagers. Not one of them offered to stand or asked their precious teenager to. Luckily we were just picking up prints and only stood for 10 mins. Looking back I find it really odd no one even offered.

I always thought I'd be the type of person to make a point about this and ask if anyone would stand but I find it very difficult.

KobayashiMaru Wed 17-Jul-13 15:14:11

Seriously? Just tell someone to move, why on earth wouldn't you? confused

EvieanneVolvic Wed 17-Jul-13 15:15:19

....sheesh is there not ONE topic that doesn't bring the xenophobes out to play? Handcream your post stands up very well without the irrelevant demographic detail.

KobayashiMaru Wed 17-Jul-13 15:15:34

meant to add, there is no need for any of the passive aggressive nonsense as mentioned above, we're not children.

missesjellybean Wed 17-Jul-13 15:17:02

just asked reception if I could have a chair, I had to wait until the midwife was free so the receptionist could ask the midwife to ask relatives to stand...I now have a seat yay! and a room for of angry relatives glaring at me shock oh well ...

HairyWorm Wed 17-Jul-13 15:18:25

I'm constantly shocked how totally ignorant people are by not offering seats to people who need them.

EvieanneVolvic Wed 17-Jul-13 15:19:00

I'm glaring straight back at tham if that's true jellybean...but it could just be that you're imagining it (feck, in this heat I am imagining all sorts!)

EvieanneVolvic Wed 17-Jul-13 15:19:45

Kobaya I object. I was being agressive aggressive: not passive aggressive at all wink

missesjellybean Wed 17-Jul-13 15:19:47

lol maybe...hehe could be paranoia! (most likely is) grin

Fuck their death stares. They should bloody stand. Next time just ask someone direct, I am sure they would have stood up if put on the spot.

Owllady Wed 17-Jul-13 15:20:04

I am not pregnant but I can empathise as the last time I took my daughter for a hospital appointment, who is quite obviously severely disabled, no-one would move for her to sit down. then one man moved so she could sit but the woman next to him who could have moved along so that i could sit next to her wouldn't move so we ended up sitting either side of this woman who became increasingly irritated with my daughter talking over her about any random crap that came into her head hmm

Emsmaman Wed 17-Jul-13 15:23:08

My advice from taking the tube every day until 4 weeks before due date is that you must single out a person and ask. If you ask a general waffly "will anyone stand..." it is hard to get a volunteer.

Amber76 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:23:10

Saw this happening at maternity hospital here (Ireland) - midwives who were in and out of room occasionally loudly said "if you're not pregnant please stand and leave seats for those who are". Was shocked as well that they had to ask.

KobayashiMaru Wed 17-Jul-13 15:23:28

I've been in that situation. I just walk up to the nearest non-pregnant person and said, politely, "may I have your seat please", and they give it. Easy as that.

grumpyoldbat Wed 17-Jul-13 15:23:43

Hope you don't have to wait too long OP. I wouldn't have had the nerve to ask anyone either, possibly not even the receptionist.

Picturepuncture Wed 17-Jul-13 15:25:10

Glare back, I'm appalled that a receptionist had to wait for a midwife to tell people to stand up. Has no one got any authority of their own?

Own that chair OP! You are so unbelievably in the right!

EeyoreIsh Wed 17-Jul-13 15:27:42

Just ask! Why would you stand and get angry without asking first?

But don't ask someone who doesn't look pregnant. I've had to wait in the same area as pregnant women for scans as to why I'm not pregnant/check after miscarriage. Or ask a bloke to be on the safe side!

zzzzz Wed 17-Jul-13 15:27:55

handcreme yuk, scary hmm chucking out relatives supporting a pregnant lady at a difficult scan hmm . Your post does read as VERY xenophobic.

jelly I'm glad you got a seat. Feel totally unconcerned at silly relatives, you are protecting your baby.

YouTheCat Wed 17-Jul-13 15:28:09

I just used to faint on unsuspecting people when I was pregnant. That used to do the trick. And I was massive with twins so looked very pregnant from about 4 months on.

Glare OP. Glare a lot.

Noideaatall Wed 17-Jul-13 15:31:32

I had to stand in a hospital clinic when pregnant & was too scared to ask for a seat. Then a nurse came over & said - are you ok, you look pale? & found me a seat next to a window & offered to come & fetch me when it was my turn. And she did!
Restored my faith in the human race. I take the tube too so it was completely gone before that.

PedantMarina Wed 17-Jul-13 15:40:37

"Anybody here who isn't pregnant, raise your arse"

Well done jellybean smile

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 17-Jul-13 15:46:20

I had the gestational diabetes test (where you have to not eat for ages then have blood test, drink a bottle of lucazade, wait two hours and then have another blood test). The waiting room was tiny, and people were specifically asked not to bring partners or family members with them. Anyway as I am waiting, in this packed little room, some poor girl is also waiting. With her bored looking partner and her MIL (who phoned about four people and regaled them all with the tale of how she was waiting for x to have blood tests "cause she's so fat, right, that they're checkin she ain't diabetic and that she's not hurting the babba wiv all that shite she eats" . All sat down while the rest of the pregnant women are standing. The room suddenly went deathly silent as the MIL got a massive bag of cheese and onion crisps out of her bag and proceeded to munch on them. Loudly. In a room full of pregnant women who hadn't eaten in 12 hours.

BigPantyGirl Wed 17-Jul-13 15:46:46

Selfish bunch. Go and lie yourself down over a few of the, say you're about to faint. Arseholes... I was pregnant 4 years ago in this sort of heat, it was hell and I didn't have a cervix problem to worry about x

ThePowerof3 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:48:34

Anyone who is pregnant in this heat would get my seat and maybe a medal!

tiredlady Wed 17-Jul-13 15:48:36

Handcream - don't know why you felt you had to mention race in your post? The OP didn't mention in her post whether the rude inconsiderate relatives were white/muslim/otherwise. Why did you? It added nothing to your post and came across as a bit racist. Just saying....

rubyflipper Wed 17-Jul-13 15:48:47

Glare right back at anyone who has the cheek to stare at you!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 17-Jul-13 15:52:21

Fuck them and their stares. How ignorant, and how sad. I don't know why the midwife had to be the one to ask relatives to stand. hmm

I'd have just said to the nearest non-pregnant lazy fecker person 'Please can I have that seat, I'm pregnant and not well.'

OddBoots Wed 17-Jul-13 15:55:51

It's a few years since I was last pregnant but the hospital waiting room always had a big sign saying that seating was for patients and others should give up their chairs for them. I always thought the sign was redundant but clearly it isn't.

Aniseeda Wed 17-Jul-13 15:57:39

Shocking! I honestly can't imagine my DH not giving up his seat to a pregnant woman in that situation. Horrible people.

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 16:00:33

I posted about this a couple of months ago. Obviously it wasn't as hot, but a massively pregnant woman came in and not one person offered her a seat. After giving her mine despite being nearly 5 months gone myself she told me she was a week off being induced with twins. Still not one bugger offered her a seat, and the room was full of male partners who were obv not there at the womens clinic for themselves! She also told me she had just walked 20 mins to the hospital too, poor woman looked exhausted! I was disgusted.

BumpAndGrind Wed 17-Jul-13 16:00:58

This has got me thinking.

I'm 17 weeks and have quite bad hyperemesis. I was in the chemist the other day waiting for the pharmacist to sort out my prescription for ketosticks. Its a tiny local chemist so only 2 little seats in the corner and there was one other woman in there with her 2 DC (about 4 and 6).

The children were sat in the seats and she was stood at the counter about 4ft away. They had obviously been told to sit there to keep them still and out of mischief.

I felt like I was going to faint but let them be, they were there first. Should I have asked for asked for the seat? (I only have a tiny might just be fat bump)

Ipsissima Wed 17-Jul-13 16:03:46

Good grief! I am praying you sat down long ago.
Otherwise, please just speak to a member of staff about your medical issues with standing up.....its not you being 'entitled', its you protecting your baby.

mysterymeg Wed 17-Jul-13 16:03:51

When I was at the hospital for my scan I was sitting and my husband was standing. All the seats were taken when a v heavily pregnant lady arrived. None of the partners got up so I offered her my seat which she accepted. Still none of the partners twigged - the receptionist saw and got me a seat that was spare from behind the desk. You'd thinkas they are all there supporting their pregnant partners that they'd have a bit of empathy.

BeCool Wed 17-Jul-13 16:05:18

I'm presuming you have use of your own voice? You don't need to wait on receptionist or midwives to sort this for you.

Great you have a chair now, but next time (and there probably will be a next time) just say very clearly and politely "I am X months pregnant and I really need to sit down now please".

And then stand your ground and try not to laugh as the shamed relatives who cannot avoid the issue any longer either scramble to offer you a seat, or squirm pitifully and maintain their "nothing to do with me" position.

You will get a seat though - and you will be amused! Smile and graciously say thank you as you take what the idiots should have offered you in the first place.

BeCool Wed 17-Jul-13 16:06:45

however this is way more succinct >>>>> "Anybody here who isn't pregnant, raise your arse"

K8Middleton Wed 17-Jul-13 16:11:40

Just ask. Nobody ever says no. At least not without looking like an utter cunt.

perplexedpirate Wed 17-Jul-13 16:45:07

8 months pregnant (huuuge bump) on the train home from Manchester after Christmas shopping.
Not only did not one fucker offer me a seat, but people shoved into me and one girl spent the whole journey sniggering at what she obviously thought was my fat stomach.
I am retrospectively angry, but chuffed you got a seat jelly! smile

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 16:56:54

God, I'd be sitting there wondering what kind of knob I was married to or related to if he didn't automatically stand to let a pregnant woman sit down - particularly in a scan waiting room ffs.

pianodoodle Wed 17-Jul-13 17:09:44

Disgraceful! I'm nearly 20 weeks and this heat is pissing me right off without even having your additional complaint sad

Dread to think what anyone nearing their due date must be feeling like!

So annoying that you had to ask at all.

handcream er... "frightening" women in burkas?!

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 17:17:45

Oh and the other day I went into the barbers with DH and there were about 6 seats, all being sat in by men and boys waiting to get their hair cut. It was near 30 degrees and I am the size of a house now (27 weeks, but look like I'm about to pop). Not one of them offered their seat or asked their child to move.

Me and DH ended up leaving because there was going to be a long wait and I would have fainted. We had a conversation about whether I would be able to stand that long or not whilst standing next to the chairs. A few of the blokes looked up, but didn't move. I would normally ask but felt a bit wrong doing so as it was a barbers and really I had no place being there (we just stopped in on the way home from somewhere).

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 17:41:21

You have to be jealous of some women, married to those men, Heffa.

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 18:09:05

Hmm.. What made me sad was that because none of the dads asked their sons to get up, none of them will go on to offer the pregnant ladies of the future a seat as they haven't learnt that it's the right thing to do. Myself and my brother were taught that manners and compassion for others will get you really far in life, but these men didn't seem to be teaching their sons that lesson.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 18:12:06

That's the problem, isn't it? Having said that, surely to God human decency would make someone look at a pregnant woman in a clinic and think "This seat isn't here for me!"

Boosiehs Wed 17-Jul-13 18:13:35

What an absolute bunch of cunts!

Glad you got a seat - I would have been FUMING!!

I am 35 weeks tomorrow and I feel like a HOUSE. Also so hot i might melt at any moment. sad

LucyGoose Wed 17-Jul-13 18:18:35

I think handcream is being slammed for her choice of the word "frightening". A group of women in burkas would also intimidate me - and I am not racist. I can't see smiles/frowns, body language at all. It makes it hard to communicate the way we do in 5 seconds, you can tell a lot by body language and dress.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 18:23:17

I agree - I don't like not being able to see people's expressions.

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 18:30:26

I'd agree with you on that, all the normal cues to follow on whether a person is being hostile/friendly/indifferent are hidden and that can lead you to feel intimidated. It's hard to read body language without facial cues.

DoJo Wed 17-Jul-13 18:31:38

I don't really understand why you wouldn't just ask, otherwise people might just assume you prefer to stand (I did when pregnant, I know of others too). On the tube/train I assume that people don't offer because of the fear that you are just fat rather than pregnant - once it's happened to you, you go out of your way to avoid it again! Asking shouldn't be that hard, no need for a diva strop.

HairyWorm Wed 17-Jul-13 18:37:56

I always thought I would ask for a seat...... until I got pregnant. Even with the preg rage hormones I find it very difficult to ask for a seat. Not sure why..... I feel a lot more vulnerable with a bump.

GwenStacy Wed 17-Jul-13 18:48:40

Hairyworm - I always thought I'd ask on the tube, as I've never had any issues asking people to stand for pregnant/elderly people in the past, but I asked someone (who was sitting in the priority seat!) a couple of weeks ago as it was crammed and I felt really hot and faint and got a lecture on how he got on trains at an early enough stop to guarantee a seat and maybe I should think about doing the same thing. I was so embarrassed I was almost in years, and since then I've not felt able to ask for a seat :-(

K8Middleton Wed 17-Jul-13 18:59:15

How horrible Gwen. Do ask again and if you get shit like that the correct reply is "Then you have no reason to sit in the priority seat do you?" You may choose to add one of the following:

"unless you think being a revoltingly selfish human being qualifies as a physical disability?"

"unless you won't mind if, when I faint, you are delayed while we wait for the paramedics?"

"Unless your enormous ego and sense of self righteousness are so burdensome you cannot stand for prolonged periods"

"Unless of course you are just a massive arse?"

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 19:22:54

I just went to get a chippy tea and a man literally threw himself out of his chair for me! He even told his son to stand up so dh could sit next to me. Faith in humanity restored grin

EeyoreIsh Wed 17-Jul-13 19:28:34

gwen you should have just sat on him! That would teach him for next time grin

K8Middleton Wed 17-Jul-13 19:38:09

I sat on the lap of a selfish arse who expected me to climb over him to get to the inside seat while very pregnant. The sound of all the breath being squeezed out of the arse and his gasping was very satisfying grin

KatamariDamacy Wed 17-Jul-13 19:39:11

I had to stand at a scan appointment when I was 37 weeks pregnant. They were scanning to see if they could do an ECV on my breech baby.

After a moment or two when no-one offered, DH said, "Is nobody going to let my wife, who is 9 months pregnant, sit down?" In a voice like thunder.

Someone got up smile

And DD turned herself grin

Lj8893 Wed 17-Jul-13 19:42:56

Not about sitting but I remember a couple of years ago I was in the queue for a toilet at m&s (only 1 cubicle) and I was in front with a queue building up behind me, behind me was a very pregnant woman who looked like her bladder was going to burst so naturally when the toilet became free I told her to go in front of me. As she thanked me and was walking to the cubicle another woman in the queue started shouting at me, saying she was also desperate and how is it fair that I let this woman go in front of everyone else!

This poor pregnant lady looked like she was either going to cry or wet herself and I just told the other lady to shush and gestured the pregnant lady to keep walking to the cubicle.

I don't know what is wrong with some people!!!

TidyDancer Wed 17-Jul-13 19:44:33

I think a pregnancy related clinic might be an exception, but generally speaking people should never expect to be offered a seat if they are unwilling to ask for one.

AudrinaAdare Wed 17-Jul-13 19:44:50

I am taking DD for an ultrasound tomorrow. Neither of us is pregnant but it's gynae / maternity so there will be a few people obviously needing a seat. I will be sure to death-stare the men and make loud comments about manners.

I am quite looking forward to it grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 19:48:29

I do agree with gwen though, it takes quite a bit of guts to ask for a seat when no one is willing to offer. On my wobbly hormonal days I am completely incapable tbh.

K8 I wish I had your cahonas!

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 17-Jul-13 19:51:39

Sorry I agree with hairyworm!

helenthemadex Wed 17-Jul-13 20:10:42

Anybody here who isn't pregnant, raise your arse anyone else in the OP position absolutely has to say this grin

K8Middleton Thu 18-Jul-13 00:07:42

It's sport for me Heffa. I am always extremely polite but when the rudest/ignorance/bigotry comes I'm usually well rehearsed.

I live for the day someone comments negatively on my breastfeeding in public... ideally on a bus. I'm soooooo ready!

MidniteScribbler Thu 18-Jul-13 01:09:24

I'm all for asking for seats when you need it, but can you please just think before approaching someone individually? I was at the clinic after yet another loss, felt like absolute crap and was barely holding myself together, and a woman with a large pregnant stomach came and shoved it in my face and said "I'm pregnant, you're obviously not, move it". There were plenty of other people in the waiting room that could have got up. A general shout out to see if anyone can stand up is much better, you don't know what someone has got going on. Just because you can't see a large stomach doesn't mean the person isn't ill or does need to be sitting.

Glad you got yourself a seat OP.

lisianthus Thu 18-Jul-13 01:10:27

Don't agree that you should have to ask for a seat. When you are alone, not feeling well, hormonal and there is the distinct possibility someone might act like the jerk in Gwen's story, it makes you distinctly reluctant to ask for a seat.

And Gwen's story is not, unfortunately, unusual. I've come across lots of people who say things like "it was your choice to become pregnant" "pregnancy isn't a disease" "I was here first", and if they have seen you and haven't already had the courtesy to offer you a seat, there's a good chance that as well as being rude, they'll have the front to turn you down or say something nasty.

K8Middleton Thu 18-Jul-13 02:01:07

I have never seen anyone be anything other than helpful when a seat is politely asked for eg "Excuse me but if you don't need your seat would you mind if I sit down?". Yes we shouldn't have to ask but sometimes people just aren't vigilant.

Unpleasant people are the minority and if you are prepared with a few comebacks that helps. It is also helpful to call people on bad behaviour when you see it. They only get away with it if people ignore it.

You won't be any worse off for asking but an unpleasant arse might show themself up as an unpleasant arse in public.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 18-Jul-13 04:19:05

Our hospital has signs saying that all pregnant women must have seats.

EeyoreIsh Thu 18-Jul-13 07:05:14

midnite sorry about your story. That was a really nasty comment to make to you, and another example of why hospitals should treat women with miscarriages/still births totally separately from pregnant women.

lisianthus Thu 18-Jul-13 07:55:50

Yes, it would be nice if we could all be tough, insouciant challengers of rude people all the time, but I know when I was pregnant, I would have been fighting back tears if someone had had a go at me for requesting a seat, so didn't want to deal with that on top of everything else.

Probably also depends where you live. People tend to be nicer in small towns, I've found. Living in London, I wasn't ever offered a seat by anyone in either of my two pregnancies, and I came across plenty of people willing to have a go at a pregnant woman with the temerity to ask them to give up their seat.

K8Middleton Thu 18-Jul-13 08:09:27

I live in London. I honestly never saw any rudeness when people asked. I'm not saying we have to be " tough, insouciant challengers of rude people all the time". I'm saying be prepared, expect that some people may be horrible and be ready. Some how these things are so much worse when they're unexpected.

By challenge I mean when you see it happening to a pregnant woman say something. What did you do when your witnessed all these incidents? Roughly how many times have you noticed happening to other women?

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it is a rare occurrence.

MidniteScribbler Thu 18-Jul-13 08:13:21

So, lisianthus, everyone should dive to their feet at the first sight of a pregnant woman? Pregnancy trumps all other health conditions? Just because you find it to hard to say 'is there anyone that would mind letting me have a seat?'

LongTailedTit Thu 18-Jul-13 08:26:47

I was taught the best phrase by a colleague who'd had 4 DC and was obviously a pro at tube etiquette.
She told me to approach the person in the priority seat and ask:

"Excuse me, are you able to stand?"

Polite, doesn't assume that they don't need the seat (may have a non-obvious condition), and most times I didn't need to explain further as the sitter clocked my bump or badge and would stand up.

I stopped waiting for people to offer pretty quickly, it was ridiculous, much easier and less embarassing to just ask straight away.

cuillereasoupe Thu 18-Jul-13 09:07:15

FFS, why fanny about with the receptionist and the midwife? just ask for a chuffing chair.

grumpyoldbat Thu 18-Jul-13 12:07:38

I always give up my seat for someone who seems to need it more than me. I gave up my seat at 8mon pregnant because another pregnant woman came into the waiting room on crutches. All the men remained seated. I have never on the other hand asked for a seat in case I actually ask someone who needs it more than me or someone obnoxious and abusive.

pigletmania Thu 18-Jul-13 12:12:03

Missjelly you glare right back at them, rude gits. Geese the entail tey of some!

pigletmania Thu 18-Jul-13 12:14:52

Mentality doh

Ive never ckme across this and it sounds awful. I was recently on a packed train when 3 elderly ladies got on. There was a flurry of activity as everyone moved round / stood to make sure they coukd sit.
I live in the north

missesjellybean Thu 18-Jul-13 12:24:37

I always give up seats for people too my mum has always ingrained it in me and my siblings from being little. we've always stood up on the bus for old people, pregnant ladies and people who obviously need seats from pretty much being old enough to stand.... and I know I could have just asked but I felt awkward and embarrassed and stupid asking so did wimp out by asking reception to ask....but also I shouldn't have to ask it's sad that a lot of people just don't have manners these days...I managed a seat and then when they read my notes I got called through as a priority because I should have been on bed I really wasn't imagining those glares and comments as I jumped the queue ... shock smile

I'm amazed the receptionist needed a midwife. Surely he/she should have seen that you just needed someone with a bit of authority IN THE ROOM and it was common sense.

lisianthus Thu 18-Jul-13 13:09:04

Yes, midnite, I believe that if you see someone who for some reason might need a chair, whether they be pregnant, on crutches, old or whatever, and you are fit and healthy, you should indeed "dive to your feet" and offer them your chair. That precisely encapsulates what I am saying. You don't need to get into some sort of disability top trumps at all as in most situations there will be plenty of seated people who are able to give up their chairs.

This would prevent subjecting the poor person who needs a chair as the OP did to any further unpleasantness and is just good manners.

GreenShadow Thu 18-Jul-13 17:02:03

I know it's not practical on public transport, but on other occasions, i have made a point of sitting down loudly on the floor when pregnant and not offered a seat. (Luckily I've always been able to get up again, though am quite aware that some may not be able to!).

Happened once at 38 weeks and no one offered even after I'd levered myself down on to the floor.

AudrinaAdare Thu 18-Jul-13 17:09:05

Plenty of seats in ultrasound earlier so no need to have words with anyone. Lots of judgy looks that I was there with thirteen yr old DD though. I wanted to stand up and shout that she wasn't pregnant and even if she was, what sort of person tuts at a child who has been the victim of a crime? angry Wish I had had the gynae check done in her usual hospital now where it is a general paediatric imaging dept. Oh well, lesson learned!

pippitysqueakity Thu 18-Jul-13 17:17:16

Hey OP, 'should have been on bedrest'. ?
I hope you are ok, and the rest of your pregnancy is peaceful. smile

Pixielady83 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:31:41

This is rubbish. Some people are so rude. Reminds me of a horrible hot train journey I had at 26 weeks pg when the only person on a packed train to offer her seat to me was an elderly blind lady sad (I didn't take it obviously). This was despite lots of loud comments about how awful it was and was my back ok etc from the lovely people I was standing with, which everyone on the train ignored. When I came home in tears DH couldn't understand why I hadn't asked for a seat but in the face of such deliberate ignorance it makes it really difficult doesn't it. Can't believe receptionist had to get a mw to sort it out though angry

grumpyoldbat Thu 18-Jul-13 17:37:52

The MW having to be called I cab imagine how this could have come about knowing NHS management practices.

I wouldn't be surprised if this situation has arisen in the past. The receptionist has asked partners to let pregnant ladies sit. Someone has taken the hump that they've had to stand. Made an official complaint about the reception so management decree receptionist isn't allowed to use her common sense or decency.

hiddenhome Thu 18-Jul-13 18:46:57

I find this thread so sad sad How can people be so rude and downright heartless towards pregnant or poorly people, esp. in this heat? It beggars belief. It's so depressing.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

crashdoll Thu 18-Jul-13 19:52:35

Poor you. sad Selfish bastards!

On Tuesday, I had a hosp appt. It was packed and the air con was broken. There was one seat not occupied by a person, it had a small handbag on it. I stood by it but the owner ignored me and my walking stick. After a few mins of passive hovering around her bag's chair, I asked to sit down. She huffed and puffed and eventually moved it but she continued to give me evils. I tried to be charitable and thought maybe she was saving it for someone but there was a long wait and no relative/friend came.. I wanted to ram my stick up her arse. grin

MidniteScribbler Fri 19-Jul-13 04:32:28


Yes, I do agree, but my point is that you don't know just by looking at someone if they can stand or not. You could be silently fuming about someone you think is rude, without knowing if they have any medical conditions. Just because they aren't as obvious as a large pregnant stomach, that doesn't mean they may not have less of a need for the seat than you do. People shouldn't have to explain to everyone why they may need a seat. That's why a general request to the room/carriage/bus is better. I am yet to see someone who has politely asked a room full of people for a seat to not be offered one. Alternatively, if it's a waiting room, then a receptionist with half an ounce of common sense could just go and get another bloody chair so everyone can sit down.

In the situation I described earlier, the woman shoving her pregnant stomach in my face and demanding my chair was like someone hitting me with a sledgehammer. I ended up sitting on the floor in the corner crying which was then addressed by "what the fuck is your problem?" from her. But that was ok I guess, because her needs apparently trumped mine.

Morgause Fri 19-Jul-13 05:06:54

I can see no good reason why OP wasn't offered a seat in the waiting room without having to ask.

However, I can understand why sometimes people do not offer seats on long train journeys. I used to take the DCs on a day trip to London once a year and the first time we went we all had to stand all the way down - a journey of 2 hours. The day was not a success. I have a back problem and both DCs have chronic asthma and were getting over colds and were a bit wheezy. By the time we got to London none of us felt up to walking any distance. So a waste of the train fare, really. We "did" one museum, sitting down every half hour or so.

So from then on I reserved seats for the three of us. A trip to London on the train isn't cheap and we wanted to make the best of it not be knackered before we started and waste the money spent. That option was open to everyone else on the train so I don't feel guilty about not giving up a seat to anyone standing.

olidusUrsus Fri 19-Jul-13 05:13:41

Agree midnite. If someone needs a seat, they should ask. And if they are rejected by an individual, they shouldn't huff.

I have had to turn down a pregnant woman's request for my seat because my back is fucked up from hauling my bedridden OH's giant arse about. I didn't much fancy announcing this to a train full of commuters so I simply said "I'm very sorry, but I need this seat. Could you ask someone else?" She didn't, and spent the rest of the journey glaring (whilst standing) at me. Maybe she was nervous about asking and I looked like an easy target. Maybe she was also a massive dick about it.

Turquoisehat Fri 19-Jul-13 06:17:30

This reminds me of when I had 3 day old dd on a 45 minute train journey. The train was packed and I asked a woman to remove her luggage from the priority seating, so I could sit down. She would have still had a seat, I just wanted the luggage moved. She said no. I told her I had a 3 day old baby in the sling but she just started huffing and puffing and didn't move. A very kind man jumped up and offered me his seat. I accepted, and was on the verge of tears.
DD is 13 months now and I can clearly see that woman sitting comfortably with her luggage. I only hope karma gets her eventually.

ZillionChocolate Fri 19-Jul-13 07:41:28

I think that although kind and well intentioned, the pregnant, but less in need ladies are getting it wrong in waiting rooms. Isn't it better to say loudly to the rest of the room "can someone offer this lady a seat?" when no one offers one to the new arrival?

grumpyoldbat Fri 19-Jul-13 07:43:43

midnite what that woman did to you is awful. It's one of the reasons I would never ask for seat. Even though I would never ask in that manner I wouldn't want to inadvertently upset someone.

It is also why I always stand to offer someone a seat. I wouldn't like to put someone in a position of feeling they had to ask.

Still manage to offend but will still offer seats.

grumpyoldbat Fri 19-Jul-13 07:49:35

Omg zillion I'd never have the nerve to do that. If DH was with me I'd get him to stand (though unlikely I'd have to). The time I stood he wasn't with me so I stood. I find that much easier than risking offence. Even standing to give a pregnant woman a seat got me looks from the sitting men.

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