Sex sells--but just don't make federal case of it

April 18, 2004|By John Kass.

Though I have absolutely no federal powers, I'm still thinking about disqualifying a federal judge from the Mickey Segal trial that begins on Monday.

It should have been the sexiest racketeering and tax fraud case in years. But U.S. District Court Judge Ruben Castillo has taken the sex out of it.

Castillo has demonstrated such woeful ignorance of Chicago's famous "Viagra Triangle," that I'm surprised Mayor Richard Daley appointed Castillo to his mayoral gaming commission in the hopes of bringing casinos to Chicago.

What's also odd, is that the judge thinks jurors should be able to tell a Rush Street hooker simply by looking at one.

So how can Castillo possibly preside over the racketeering and tax fraud case of Michael Segal, the politically connected boss of Near North Insurance Brokerage?

Every politician, fixer and bagman in Illinois will study this case, because what's at stake is not merely Segal's innocence or guilt, but a few of their own happy endings too.

The supremely politically connected Segal is alleged to have pilfered $20 million from his insurance client accounts at Near North, while spending liberally on a high-octane lifestyle.

He played and closed his political and business deals on the Near North Side on Rush Street, in what is called "The Viagra Triangle" because old guys with money hang out there. The old guys often fool themselves into thinking that sexy young women are drawn to them by their powerfully magnetic old dude personalities.

Included in the alleged list of Segal expenditures were prime steaks, big drinks and $400-an-hour hookers for dessert.

Yet in pretrial hearings last week, Judge Castillo revealed a Viagra Triangle deficit so profound that it sounded as if he'd spent the last 50 years in chambers, alone, reading Field and Stream and the collected correspondence of the Bronte sisters.

He thinks Rush Street hookers dress like hookers. He'll let the hookers take the witness stand, but he won't let them mention their professional qualifications.

This may have a profound effect on the trial.

If things go badly for Segal, the political class is betting he will tell stories to U.S. Atty. Patrick Fitzgerald rather than spend years in prison. Segal has done much insurance business with connected Republicans and Democrats, including mayoral brother Cook County Commissioner John Daley, the insurance king of the 11th Ward.

So the prospect of Segal explaining Chicago political history to Fitzgerald terrifies some.

But if things go well for Segal, then politicians will celebrate, perhaps with champagne, or a round of free insurance for their friends at Tavern on Rush.

Prosecutors in the Segal trial wanted to be able to mention the hooker issue in front of the jury and question the hookers about various aspects of their work.

But Castillo slapped that idea away, saying he had to be fair to Segal too.

Instead, Castillo offered a judicial compromise.

He said the hookers could take the witness stand, as long as prosecutors didn't ask them exactly what they did for a living or why they were paid.

"We can have somebody take the stand--whose profession is self-evident by their dress--and simply say they were paid for personal services and leave the witness stand," Castillo said on Thursday, adding that the jury could figure the rest out for themselves.

Castillo must think a jury would know they were hookers instead of, say, lawyers.

Does he think a $400-an-hour hooker would arrive in a federal courtroom dressed in a Hollywood hooker costume, after bathing in a gallon of cheap perfume, wearing long boots and big hair, like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman?"

Do they have hearts of gold too?

A detective friend once explained to me--while we were having a drink at Gibson's in the Triangle--that $400-an-hour hookers don't wear signs. But here's how you can tell:

A sexy young woman walks up to you. She smiles, her eyes big and flashing. She insists you're enticing. Your gray hair is distinguished and that you're not fat, really, and that maturity is a turn-on. Then she tells you she costs $400 an hour. That's when you know.

Sadly, Castillo is engaging in discriminatory profiling--that all hookers look the same.

He won't let them testify as to their accomplishments. And that's unfair. Even politicians make speeches during tax time, don't they?

Assistant U.S. Atty. Dean Polales asked Castillo to reconsider the hooker-mentioning ban, but the judge declined. Polales asked:

"Can we at least refer to them as expenditures?"

Castillo agreed.

So the jurors who will be selected for the trial beginning on Monday don't have to fear about listening to prostitutes.

Instead, they'll hear from expert "expenditures."