Could Chris Christie Even Survive a Republican Primary?

Which Republican politician's turn is it next to be summoned into the presidential race and then immediately dismissed and hated by the party base over a pragmatic policy stance or two? Perhaps the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who still has no interest in running for president but may be kidnapped in the middle of the night by a few whiny hedge fund managers and reprogrammed (forced at gunpoint) into "taking the plunge."

Indeed, the Republican side of Wall Street, who desperately want Obama out of the White House because he called them "fat cats" one time after they permanently ruined the world, still won't leave Christie alone. And rumors suggest that Christie is finally starting to reconsider a run, which may be true, but may also be something he's pretending to take seriously just to appease the wealthy donors he'll need for his 2013 gubernatorial reelection.

Why is the plutocracy so seemingly convinced of Chris Christie's ability to breeze through the Republican primary calendar, though? Just look at what happened to Rick Perry last week! Rick Perry is a god-fearing conservative business Republican from Texas who has executed hundreds of humans. A good start! Yet all he had to do in Thursday's debate to attract the unhinged wrath of conservatives was suggest that in a border state, it's not a bad idea to allow children of illegal immigrants to qualify for in-state tuition. What, dear God what, would the reception for Christie — another Northern, blue-state governor — be like when lesser nationally known aspects of his politics, like his support for same-sex civil unions and gun control, promotion of "green" technology including the dreaded solar panels, dovish immigration stance, the fact that he nominated a Muslim(!) to the bench, and so on, come to the forefront? Christie, right now, is a popular national Republican because he yells at unionized teachers in YouTube videos. But that may not be enough to combat the many attacks labeling him a jihadist tree-hugging Mexican queer.

At some point, all of these money people are just going to have to learn to love Mittens.

[Image via AP]