New Here...my issues (LONG)

Posted 07/05/2012
Where to start?...

My husband is in the military and has been in for awhile and his family just doesn't seem to understand it, even almost 11 years later. I am currently pregnant with the first grand baby after having a miscarriage (which I have come to know is normal for some women) well since she has found out I was pregnant his mother has been telling everyone I am a high risk pregnancy which is totally not true! In the beginning of the pregnancy she would call me, text me, Facebook me 15-25 times a day asking how "her baby" was doing! My husband has told her to back off and I have told her to back off and she finally did around month 5 (I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant).

I get that she is excited about having a baby in the family, but what she doesn't know is we are possibly moving before Christmas (we are currently stationed only 2.5 hours away). She is going to go bananas so we haven't told her but have told my parents.

My in-laws have spoiled and still spoil my husbands siblings his brother is 26 and they still pay all his bills and he make close to six digits a year! My SIL is 21 and she doesn't drive, drops out or quits everything that becomes to tough so she can stay home with my MIL who doesn't work. My FIL who is the only one I really get along with works his ass off but he makes me angry bc he just let's my MIL spend and spend, then when we asked to borrow only once she made us sign a contract with a payment plan (it was 300$ for a downpayment).

They go on this huge family vacation once a year and my MIL mother pays for everyone and everything and I hate that bc I never grew up like that and I don't like spending that much money on me...and when I said we weren't going on vacation this year bc it's Disney right after thanksgiving (LO will only be 3-4 months) she literally threw the biggest fit I have ever seen a grown woman throw in public none the less....screaming "I'm never going to see my baby" and I screamed back that he is not YOUR baby! And it became a scene I didn't want it to become but after spending a week pregnant in Disney (in feb.) with her and my SIL I have about had it! She tried to tell me that my mother doesn't understand and isn't as excited bc she will have a grand baby already (my brother and his wife are due literally 5 weeks before me). So, I went the rest of the trip just not talking, and my husband screamed at her when we got one and I told him how she reacted.

Well we are now going to Disney after thanksgiving but will not be spending Christmas eve with her and her family and Christmas morning the baby will open gifts with my parents first and then we will go down to her house to open gifts! Which she cried for three days about and I just laughed bc I wasn't giving in like she was trying to make me do.

Now, she keeps saying that we can't move (doesn't know that we are just waiting for the orders) because she doesn't fly for more than 3 hours and she doesn't do lay overs, and she refuses to drive through the state of Tennessee. So, my husband chose Alabama as our next location bc you can't get a direct flight and you have to drive through Tennessee to get there the quickest way or you can take two days and go around Tennessee through Georgia and Florida. He doesn't want her drama, but for once I feel bad bc it's like we aren't just punishing her for being a huge pain in the ass...we are punishing my parents (our parents live 8 houses apart). My parents don't care where we move to because they have been saving their flyer miles and money for when we weren't stationed so close to home and they love traveling.

My inlaws get under my skin so bad and to top it off my SIL already told me not to give my MIL a picture of the baby bigger than an 8x10 (i'm a photographer so they know im going to have tons of oictures) because that's the size of her picture and she matters most. She is so jealous of the baby it's crazy!

There is so much more but this is already long enough that I can't do that to you all. I try not to speak badly about my MIL in front of my husband bc it's his mother but there are just some days where all the bottling gets to be too much and explodes inside and I just go off.

Whew...I needed to get some of that off my chest. Sorry again for the length!

Proud Wife of a Soldier (8-20-09)

Heaven has a one more Angel! (11-01-11 MC)

EDD...September 6th, 2012

Comments (15)

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Posted 07/05/2012

You need to get a grip and stop feeling guilty about not having much to do with these people. You should feel guilty that you ever see them at all. Your DH--their own son--finds his mother makes him screaming mad and is arranging his life and his rotations in the military in order to avoid seeing them? Take a hint from him and start building a life that doesn't include these horrible people. They are completely spoiled and they have no sense of class and dignity. 





Posted 07/05/2012
The part about the picture sizes, I can't, I just can't. What a precious princess your SIL is.

Enjoy Bama, hope they move you soon.

I have no advice, I leave that to the wiser members, I just had to pipe in about the photo thing.
Posted 07/05/2012

wow and wow good luck



Vanda and Layla toughing it out!

Posted 07/05/2012

I know, right? ^^^ Tell her that as a photographer you are planning on sending everything in a 4 x 5 format. 4 feet by 5 feet.





Posted 07/05/2012

On the upside, Fort Jackson is gorgeous in the winter.



Canadian US Army wife, crunchy vaxing mama ♥ 

Posted 07/05/2012

So. Many. Issues.

1. Your BIL and SIL are spoiled. It is your IL's money. They can spoil whomever they want, however they want, whenever they want. Practice your poker face while internally rolling your eyes--it's simply not your business.

If you don't like the terms on which they lend money--don't borrow money from them. Since it sounds like your husband is the only kid they've raised who isn't a shitbum, maybe they are overcompensating. Whatever. Their behavior is shitty, but beyond your control.

2. Stop engaging with her. You KNOW any time you tell her something she doesn't want to hear, she's going to blow a fucking curler. So don't tell her. There is no legitimate need to discuss Christmass in July. When she asks what your plan for Arbor Day 2014 or whatever her next fucking thing is, just tell her you're not deciding now. She doesn't need to know until she has to grocery shop.

3. Your SIL's impending tantrums are beneath your noticing. Ignore her shit, now and forever.

4. If you're going to move, and your parents don't have a problem with TN, then Alabama is as good as anywhere else. You said yourself your folks are prepared for this.

5. DH has to deal with his folks.  I don't get why you have so much face time with MIL. I really, really like my MIL. She is totally awesome and respectful and generally a dream MIL. I don't hang out with her without my husband. I think we had lunch together while my husband had to work. 

6. Don't say no if you don't mean no. If you don't want to go to Disney--don't go.  She's not the Queen of All Fucking Things. She can invite you to whatever Megabrand Amusement Hellhole she wants, you're not obligated to go. If she throws a fit then leave. Or hang up. Or throw her purse and her car keys into your yard and make her follow them out.

You're choosing the path of maximum resistance here. Stop that.


Married since 8.30.08. Mom to Boy One since 9.20.10.

Boy Two signed-on to this ship of fools on 8.4.12.

Posted 07/05/2012

Am I the only one who read this?


Your ILs finances have nothing to do with you. It doesn't matter fi they pay for BILs bills, it doesn't matter if they let SIL stay at home, it doesn't matter if MIL spends all of FILs money, and it doesn't matter if GMIL pays for their vacations. It's THEIR money and you are not entitled to it. And them coming up with a contract and payment plan is to ensure they don't get screwed over and get their money back; which is quite a smart move.

I said we weren't going on vacation this year bc it's Disney right after thanksgiving...

Well we are now going to Disney after thanksgiving...

...and I just laughed bc I wasn't giving in like she was trying to make me do.

You claim that you don't give in to your MIL; but then how come you're going on vacation with them after Thanksgiving when you had already said you weren't, and had a bad time the last vacation you went on with them?

It sounds to me that your family and your ILs see each other way too often. Be glad for the move. You say you stand up to them but I see you letting them walk over you too. Don't feel bad about your parents, you stated they enjoy flying/traveling and have been saving up to see you. Obviously they are prepared for you and your family to move around and be further away from them, and they don't mind.

As for your ILs, if MIL keeps bitching, complaining, crying, and screaming about you moving, and not going to her house until later on Christmas (which I thought you said you were moving before then??) then TO her and BH any communication. Don't go on vacation, don't go to her house on Christmas at all. If she can't respect you, and your family's decisions/work, and to not yell at you, then she doesn't need to be around you.

Posted 07/05/2012

PP, I got that she was uncomfortable with her IL's paying for her vacation because that's not how she was raised... Not sure if that's what she meant, but that's what I got out of it lol


Mommy to Dalton 09/09/08, and angel baby Danica 09/09/08

Finn 1/4/13


Last edited 07/05/2012
Why are you going to Disney with a 2 month old? You need to rethink that.

When she throws a fit hang up or leave. Say, it looks like we can't discuss this while you are so emotional, we will talk later. You don't have to put up with any of it, you are an adult now. What is she going to do, ground you?

~ Cara


I'm the only female here, please send help.

Posted 07/05/2012

I cannot fathom taking an infant that young to an amusement park.  That's just dumb all around.  Are you going to be EBF?  It will be the beginning of cold season and you're going to stand in long lines with an infant that young?  What's wrong with you?

Cancel it.  Be a good mother and keep baby warm, safe and content.  We go to Disney a lot and that will be a busy time.  Last time we went during Thanksgiving and X-Mas they had to shut the park down due to reaching capacity.  We were packed like sardines and we left early because it was miserable.

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