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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

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During my premarital bliss with Peru, we had to do premarital counseling and during that time it was suggested to us by the priest to read this book. He warned us that there is a big "cheese factor" with the book but the underlying message is really useful. As like most of you couples out there, Peru and I can have a bit of communication issue or block. Peru reacts completely different to things that happen or will happen compared to how I react. The way he responds to stress or problems is completely different to me that I was at a lost on how to break the block between us. Do not get me wrong, we always came to a good solution in the end, but getting there was a bit hard. Who said this was going to be easy, right?

So after the suggestion to read this book by the priest I decided to go buy it at our local resale book store and found it for a good $7! What a deal. As I started to read the book I began to ask questions to Peru on whether or not he thinks the way this guy writes and of course he said he did. I found out that what he writes about us females is very true that it's a bit scary, but also kind of a relief. To know that someone has realized how females think in such a complex way and then write and print it for all the other males to read is a big relief.

First off, the book can be cheesy with how he talks about the women being "Venusian's" (from Venus) and the men are "Martian's" (from Mars). He describes the Martian's and Venusian's personalities as they lived on there different planets and then described what happened when the "Venusian's and Martian's" met and mixed their personalities together. Each Venusian and Martian were having a problem understanding the other because of their different personality. The Venusian's didn't understand why the Martian's acted the way they did when they were stressed or having a problem. The Venusian's didn't understand why the Martian's wouldn't let them help with their problems or why they didn't want to talk about their problems. The Martian's were irritated that the Venusian's continued to ask questions about their problems and wanted to talk about there problems. They wanted to be left alone and didn't understand why they were getting bothered by the Venusian's.

Basically, John Gray has explained the different communication styles between men and women. He explains why men are the way they are and why women act and respond the way they do. He then goes on to explain what women can do to support there male partner and how not to irritate them during a problem. He also explains how men can help there female partner with her problems. John Gray explains how important it is for a man to be in his "cave" when he has a problem and how important it is for a woman to sit and talk out there frustrations and stressors with their partner. He goes on to explain that a woman is not in need of a solution but just a listener to let her "vent" to.

 If anyone out there has a problem communicating with their partner or has thought to themselves, "why does he/she say that or do that?" then this is the book for you. Communication is one of the main problems in a couples life and if you are like me, one who wants good communication with her partner, then I suggest you read it. Try not to get hung up on the "cheesiness" because you will miss the whole point. Communication will always be an issue for Peru and I, but I know it won't be that difficult now knowing how and why he reacts the way he does. On a 5 star rating scale I will give it a 4. Choose for yourself.

Aubrey Lou is a founding contributor of You can find her on Twitter @aubreylou.


Rating (1 - 5)

Aubrey Lou - 4

MiAmoreNYC - 4

Optimusgene - 4



Reader Comments (3)

This book is great! I had to read it pre-marriage in my psychology classes for my undergrad degree. I remember it being very insightful and I have considered adding it to my summer reading list to revisit how to communicate better with my other half. After almost 8 years of marriage, you find many things that you need to work on. My marriage with optimusgene is great! However, communicating is the key to a great marriage and I want to keep making my marriage great!

May 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiAmoreNYC

After hearing Aubrey and MiAmoreNYC talk about it, I've decided I need to read it as well. Like MiAmoreNYC said, we have a great marriage, but we do have miscommunications where we can't see the other person's viewpoint. When Aubrey was describing to me the difference in how men & women discuss, fight and defend themselves, I thought maybe there is something here and not just the shallow crap we have heard about for years.

May 20, 2010 | Registered CommenterOptimusgene

OK so I finally read the book. Actually I listened to the book via Audible. A couple of things:
- This is not the best book to listen to. The author reads the book and after time his voice can be a little annoying.
- Aubrey is right, this thing is cheesier than a supreme plate of nachos at the ballpark. I get it, men think different from women, enough with the Martian & Venusian stuff.
- This book makes A LOT of sense. In some cases MiAmoreNYC and I had role reversal (I thought more like a Venusian and vice versa) but it was pretty spot on. The men & women argue, keep score, solve problems, deal with stress, etc.
I see why this book was recommended for marriage counseling. Everyone should read this book (or at least have someone explain it if they can't deal with the cheese factor). Not only would this be helpful for married couples, this would be great for people who date or even just work with the opposite sex.

September 3, 2010 | Registered CommenterOptimusgene

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