Dear Sprint:

Like most Americans, I have been following the news of our government's various Top Secret infosweep programs, and I suspect that emails I have received twice daily for the past several years from a foreign national--via the Sprint Nextel system--may have resulted in my communications being scrutinized by the National Security Agency.

Just wanted you to know it's fine with me if you fork over to the Feds all my metadata, which I think you technically own anyway. If it makes it any easier, these transmissions arrive in my Samsung Galaxy 3 inbox daily at roughly 2 a.m. and 2 p.m., Pacific Time. They are of varying length, but nearly always too short for my liking.

The NSA guys or your guys (I'm still not sure how it works) can easily identify my foreign correspondent, who lives in Japan. His name is Shironeko (Japanese for "white cat"). He is 11 years old and is nearly all white with a "ginger" tail and patches, and dreamy green eyes. I would describe his build as "sturdy" but certainly not fat, except for his cheeks, which are.

He is often seen on YouTube in the company of his black-and-white twin siblings, Chibi-Bang and Chibi-Side, the marmalade-colored Tyatora, and young Mimi, who is white with black spots. And one more thing: They live on a farm inland from the area devastated by the 2011 earthquake and tsunami.


Shiro and I met through a mutual friend. It was one of those online things. You know. As for his political leanings, while Shiro's family roots are in Turkey, I can't imagine that he's a jihadist; to be honest, he seems thoroughly apolitical. And while he sometimes wears flowered hats that resemble the "fascinators" worn by British royals and hangers-on, he is no cross-dresser.

I hope I have cleared up any concerns you may have had about my concerns about your participation in our government's information surveillance programs.

Mary Connell is a journalist who lives on the Coast. Reprinted with permission from Pacifica Riptide)