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Posted 09/26/2013

op, i realize that is a normal fear. But, I think it is unfounded in your case. Look at the facts. He is wanting to tell them off. He was OK with 4 times a year visit. 

Give him a chance. And you thank him for standing up for his family and being a good daddy. If you are smiling sweetly and are happy in your home, wouldn't he rather continue that dynamic. Meanwhile if his mom is a harpy in  his ear he will tell her to shut it. 

Granted it does not always work this way, but your dh is wanting to go off on them, so you are ahead of many

Prayingforarainbow · Original Poster
Posted 09/26/2013
Reginafilange, u got it! I am afraid that this won't ever stop. I'm afraid they have a stronger hold on my husband deep down.
Posted 09/26/2013
Regarding this: "Thank God for this board? I have no one telling me my inlaws are wrong and everyone telling me I am wrong."

Who the hell are you talking to that thinks you are in the wrong? Quit talking to them. Your inlaws are waaaay beyond the pale. That bit with a timer made me clench my fists.

Your inlaws will never like you. Not because of what you have or have not done or who you are. You are not one of them. It isn't fair and they are shooting themselves in the feet but that is a whole lot of not your fucking problem anymore. Be the bigger bitch. You'll be much happier.
Posted 09/26/2013
Hippoing to say wow. I can't believe she said that to you. And I'm so sorry for your losses. Loooooooong TO!

Mama to 3 amazing boys!!!!

Posted 09/26/2013

I have this sick need for everyone to like me and always asking myself "what did I do wrong" or "why don't they like me, I'm nothing but nice to them". I need help...lol?

Have you considered some kind of counseling? You seem to suffer from very low self-esteem, which is why your life revolves around what your ILs think of you. This is very unhealthy and dysfunctional. Your ILs don't like you. They probably never have. Unless you roll over and allow them to control you forever, they probably never will like you.

But, you now have something they want. You have something they believe belongs to them. They know to control you is to control the baby. And they want that control. They crave the control. They will fight you to the bitter end to control you. So far, they are winning. Not because they have any right to control you, but because you allow them to. If you tell them no, sure, they will get mad. Are you prepared to live in terror for the rest of your life?

Make up your mind that you're an adult now. You make the rules for your life. Not the ILs. They think they are in charge. They will continue to believe this as long as you allow them to. Think about that.  


If you're gonna be dumb, then you'd better be tough. 

Posted 09/26/2013

Oh, honey. It's time to stop caring if people like you or not. When I made the realization in my life that I didn't give a rat's ass if people liked me or not, it was like a bright light just illuminated in my head. Imagine how much more confident I became once I realized that I didn't give a fuck if people liked me. Why? Because I wasn't put on this earth to make everyone happy. Just like it's NOT YOUR JOB to make MIL and SILs and FIL happy. You're not a trained monkey, sweetie. You're not their emotional servant.

At the end of the day, their feelings about you don't matter one iota. What matters is that YOU are doing YOUR job being a mother to that child, and that means that you do not allow anybody to get in the way of that. Fuck them and what they want. I could WANT a million dollars, but that doesn't mean that someone is just going to hand it over just because I put on a mean face and say a lot of mean words. Have that same attitude. People can throw a lot of shit your way, but it doesn't mean that it gets them what they want.


Dez - Navy wife, mom to 3 gorgeous girls

[#1 | 12/2007] [#2 | 1/2011] [#3 | 2/2014]

Posted 09/26/2013

You're NOT "keeping the baby from them".  THEY are not earning the privilege of seeing the baby, because they seem to want an inappropriate relationship with the baby (i.e. a coparenting one).  They are also treating the baby's mother like shit.  Thus, they don't get to see the baby until they can act right. 

Stand up and shout, girl!  Get your momma bear on, and let your DH handle his business.  

I like PPs suggestion of role playing it first with DH if he has any difficulties talking to his dad on the phone.  Shit, he can read it right off the page if he has to.  As long as after that he hangs up, there's some blocking and call screening, and you all start trying to enjoy some peace and quiet.  If they act worse after this, that is on them.  Let them dig their own grave, or act right.  Whichever they prefer.


Need a good book?  You can get one herehere, and here

Books, booze, and brownies

Posted 09/26/2013

Well there you have it, your DuH is not really on your side. You have been giving in to his parents absurd demands because you are afraid to upset your husband. That has to stop now.

No more visits. They need a very long TO. I would not see them until after the New Year. 

Also as much as you may not want to admit it, this is a DuH problem. My MIL is afraid of me. She walks on eggshells around me. Want to know why? She knows my DH will cut her off in a heartbeat if she even looks at me crooked. He needs to be the one to put them in their place. He needs to be the one to make it clear that he will not tolerate this disrespect of his wife. 

He has allowed them to treat you like crap for months. That is why they continue to do it. I would be pissed at my husband for not standing up for me. It is not enough for him to say something after the fact and let it go. He needs to himself put them on a TO for their behavior and make it clear that once that TO is lifted, if they treat you poorly again the relationship with them is done. 

BTW- I hope you have looked into grandparents rights in your state. Your MIL is BSC and may easily try to sue you for rights. She has made it clear she does not think you are a fit parent. 

Last edited 09/26/2013
(Someone tell me to get off BBC! I have a newborn shoot this morning with twins and I'm siting here catching up on this thread after I got out of the shower and had breakfast :/ I need to load my truck but I'm addicted. Gah) Eta: fixed a word
Posted 09/26/2013

What has really helped me is to understand that they probably already think I'm a bitch even if I've done nothing.  So why not show them what a real bitch looks like?  Tongue out


E+G = E (2013)

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