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Fancy Schmancy or Fine and Functional?

It seems to be all the rage nowadays for operating systems to be ever more fancy and full of glitz and glitter. Computer bling for the modern Borg :) Is all of this eye candy really needed?

Just about every operating system and new fangled window managers that are crawling out of the woodwork have as their primary focus glittering graphics, transparent and wobbly windows, 3D flipping and rotating effects as well as bouncing and ballooning toolbars with desktop gadgets.

Apart from the initial wow factor. What does it all achieve? The biggest achievements I can see are increased use of hardware resources and distractions while working. Sure it looks good but what other value does it have.

On the other side of the coin. Simple window managers just don't have much soul soothing to offer. They look plain, don't have many features and can be hard to navigate. While they are great for a nostalgic look and slow computers. There is just nothing to inspire you while you work.

Hmmmm, in that last paragraph I mentioned a key word, work. That is the main reason we use computers. To work, oh and also to play games and relax with some movies or TV :) For whatever the reason your actions are not dictated by the window manager you use. The window manager you choose is just there so you can feel comfortable and happy doing your designated tasks.

Wow! I am on a roll here. I just mentioned another key word in the last paragraph. I wonder if this paragraph will have the hat trick. Anyhoo, the key word in this case is choose. Or more specifically choice. As we are not in the same mood all the time and sometimes feel the need for change (how often have you wanted to, or been told to move the furniture around :) it would be good to be able to have a change of scenery so to speak. They say that a change is as good as a holiday.

Well, my attempts at a hat trick did not pay off :( No more key word to base this paragraph on. That doesn't matter because I was looking for a change anyway. The best way for me to achieve a total makeover in my computing experience is not to go and buy a new version of windows or drink some Apple cool aid. Neither do I sign a pact with a cute little devil.

When I wish for a complete change in my computing experience I can do so in a few simple clicks on my Linux system. In a matter of seconds I can completely change my user interface, from fancy schmancy to fine and functional or anything in between. Even better I don't have to reformat and reload my whole computer and I don't lose any data or settings.

The last three paragraphs have a hidden hat trick in them. I couldn't help myself. See if you can find it :) Now back to the regular channel.

In my Linux system, if I wish to do a system intensive task, like movie and sound editing, I can choose a fine and functional window manager like ratpoison or twm (yes I do use twm sometimes :) This way I get every bit of oomph out of my processor for these demanding tasks. Then, when I wish to relax with a bit of TV and web browsing I go for my fancy schmancy KDE for the glitzy glamorous eye candy that I love.

That is what I really like about Linux. I can have it work the way I want to work. I am not stuck in a mold and have to conform to what somebody thinks I like. I am not an animal!! I am not a battery hen, I am an individual and my Linux reflects my individuality. I am Locutus! I am a Borg and you will be assimilated!!...........Ahem :)

One last thing. It is Friday the 13th for me and contrary to popular belief Friday the 13th has always been a day where good things happen to me. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket. Got some numbers I could use?



Visiting Borgs

Read 66 comments


42. The answer is always 42. Not always the correct lottery number though...

I believe the cute little devil also change its GUI; it's been a while since I played with it. I have nothing against BSD, I've just been working with Linux for quite some time.

Happy 13th Locutus (Friday that is)!

Personally what I really object to is window managers and applications that add more and more chrome to windows.

Screen real estate for me is at a premium. I want every pixel on both monitors working for me (showing email, code, images etc). I don't want to be loosing pixels to triple bevelled window borders and such. It just makes me less productive.

A good example is a recent upgrade to Qemu in Fedora 10. I run two monitors in portrait mode, 1024 pixels wide. The old qemu ran a vm window that, maximised had no borders so was 1024 wide and fitted into one screen. Now it has an annoying border that makes it 20 pixels wider! No added functionality. It just sprawls into the other monitor and makes my Win XP virtual machine even less fun to use.

I am now forced to run it in full screen mode on one monitor, so that monitor can be used for other tasks while qemu is up.

There can be benefits for GUI design in having gadgets like Apple's use of display postscript. But these tools should be used for increasing productivity, not just as eye candy.

Isn't it the window manager which determines the borders around the window? If Qemu is making its own borders then thats just wrong. A ten pixel border is not a small amount either.

I couldn't agree more.

I hate it when people, using Windows, allow that cursed taskbar to stay in view.

I hate it that all these programmes think they are so important that, if you're not careful, they install their own taskbars on Windows and in my web browsers.

I hate all that fancy-schmancy glitz that may look good but just takes up processor cycles and does nothing else.

I hate programmes and web pages that start with animations and don't give you a way around it. I'm generally not there to see how clever the website designer was. I'm there for information.

I want every pixel I can get on my desktop.

Geeee! I could go on and on. ??????????????

[Suddenly he realises that he has made a sitting duck of himself and ducks for cover] :)
Locutus loads up the shotgun. Points it towards the sky and shouts to Jeeves..."PULL!" There is the shuck tonk sound as Gary is catapulted into the sky. BAM BLAM! Goes the shotgun as Locutus goes at it with both barrels. He shouts with glee as Gary comes spinning crazily down from the clouds. Locutus's tone changed however as Gary bounced up like a rubber ball and weaving in true commando style makes for the woods. "Darn! I just winged him." Thinks Locutus as, whistling nonchalantly, he loads up the shotgun and heads off after Garry. :)
He had only climbed onto the catapult because the operator had told him that he would be slung right over the fence and into the swimming pool in the nudist colony. Now he grimaces with pain as he digs out the last of the buckshot that had brought him down so suddenly and realises that it must have been the Locutus that did this.

Ever since Gary had beaten the Locutus on that Windows v Linux thing, the great Oz had been warning him of his impending doom at the hands of the Locutus and regaling all who cared to listen, at the Bathurst RSL, of the benefits of teaching their young about Linux.

Still moving Gary seeks out a hiding place because he knows the Locutus will not give up and will be close behind seeking to finish the job. But he needs to rest and he needs to recover for the battle with the Locutus will be long and hard.

Suddenly he finds a great spot for an ambush and, realising that the best form of defence is attack, he sets about making this the spot where he will stand or die.

He has to work fast. He can hear the Locutus crashing through the woods making that ugly gurgling sound that seems to be coming from the hundreds of festering sores all over his body and sends children running and screaming as he walks down the street. 'Killing this monster will be doing the world a service' he says aloud as he sets up a trip wire connected to a bow and arrow with poison dripping off the barbed tip. 'If that gets him it's all over', his meticulous methods ensuring that the Locutus will never see it coming.

This doesn't mean the fight is won however because, for that to work, the Locutus has to step in exactly the right place and, although he's been known to step in it before, the chances of that happening here are reasonably remote.

With his left arm out of commission since the Locutus shot him, his defence is down to the highly unlikely, but beautifully set up, Bow and Arrow and a small hand gun. Of course there's his secret weapon but he's not going to reveal that until he is face to face with the Locutus.

Satisfied that he has done all he can, Gary settles down to wait for the inevitable, all the while listening to the trees crashing and the ugly gurgling call of the Locutus approaching.

While he sits there he thinks about something that has bothered him for a long time, 'What the hell is a Locutus anyway?'
Locutus reaches the edge of the woods and slips through the trees as silently as a ghost. Flipping open his Linux smart phone he starts tracking Gary from the GPS RFI buckshot that he had loaded the shotgun with.

Closing in on his quarry Locutus begins planning on how Gary's various parts will be assimilated. Of course some parts will have to be thrown away as they will be either too small or damaged by the shotgun blast.

Just as he is noticing that his course is heading towards a nudist colony Locutus steps on a point of the trail which gave away just that little bit more than the surrounding area. Freezing in position Locutus took stock of his surroundings.

Carefully scanning the surrounding forest, his flaring nostrils found the scent of fear and the pungent aroma of crushed blackberrys. This had Locutus worried as he knew that blackberry poisoning resulted in the incurable thumb dance of texting.

Looking at the slightly sunken ground he was standing on Locutus noticed the hair thin wire. Following the wire to the wicked looking barbed shaft he wonders how Gary ever thought that such a primitive trap would ever catch him. Leaning slightly to the left Locutus released the pressure on the trip point and felt the deadly shaft swoosh past him.

Taking a few deep snuffles of air Locutus pinpointed the acrid stench of fear and not bothering to hide his motions headed off in that direction.

Suddenly the bushes rustled crazily as Gary burst from his hiding place and started weaving through the trees. Locutus could see where the poor guy had inexpertly tried to remove the buckshot and wondered if he would get to Gary before the blood loss disabled him.

Not wanting to end the game too quickly Locutus slowed down and let his quarry gain more of a lead. He felt his mood pick up as his day was turning out to be rather exciting with the prospect of another assimilation looking promising.
@Locutus, you are probably right about it being a window manager issue (the extra border on Qemu windows). Perhaps I can find a way to turn it off. But I have never understood the obsession of adding more and more chrome (read junk) in the first place.

Firefox is a good example of the right way to do it. No borders on the left and right! Every pixel of screen width is available to me to do real work with and consequently not slow down my system for no value.
As Gary sits there listening to the Locutus approaching, he wonders whether the creature has ever surprised anything. Either he has no fear of ambush or he fools himself into thinking that he moves around silently, like a ghost or something.

Whatever he is thinking though, his noisy approach has a stifling effect somewhat like the noise a swat team makes when they crash into a building. The terrifying gurgling sounds and the crashing trees and shrubs become cacophonous and your sub conscience starts screaming at you to run for your life but the stifling effect makes you cower on the spot and takes away your minds ability to think logically.

Steeling himself against the 'fight or flight' instinct Gary forces himself to regain control and fixes his gaze on the area into which the Locutus is approaching. 'My God', Gary thinks, 'He's heading straight for the snare'. If that hits him it will be all over. There is nothing worse than the Blackberry Texting death. It's not pretty to watch but then, neither is a Locutus. 'If it happens' muses Gary, 'It will be thumbs up!" and he manages a wry smile at his own play on words.

Suddenly the Locutus bursts into view and Gary is almost overcome by the urge to flee but he knows that, if the snare works, he will be able to finish it off with his small sidearm so he manages to control his instinct to run. 'Not straight away! I won't finish him off straight away' Gary thinks, 'I'll let him suffer for a while, tapping out stupid words that no-one understands like 'IMHO'? or 'ROTFLMAO' ??? or 'ur' and 'ru' and other such texting crap and then I'll let him have it'.

Gary is bought back into focus as the Locutus approaches the snare, 'Come on.....Come on.....' he thinks and then it happens the Locutus stops one step short but with a leg poised to step on the trip wire. It seems like an eternity that the Locutus stands there like a statue, his eyes darting left and right and then he focuses directly on the trip wire beneath his foot and Gary knows the game is over.

Deftly the Locutus trips the flare and sways just enough for the death carrying shaft to go harmlessly by his shoulder. The Locutus' face contorts into what must have been a Locutus smile and his gaze fixes firmly onto Gary's hiding place.

Realising that a small handgun, on it's own, is no match for a rampaging Locutus, Gary does the smart thing and runs like hell.

As he runs he notices an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, Like he hasn't slept for days and, searching his mind for an explanation, he decides that it must be being caused by loss of blood from his wound. He will need to find help fast but, more importantly, he needs to escape from the Locutus or, in this state, he will certainly be assimilated.

Running as hard as he can, which by now is little more than a loping walk, it becomes curiously apparent that he is outpacing the Locutus for the gurgling sound seems to be fading in the background and then, just as he rounds a small shrub, he runs slap bang into a very tall wire fence with razor wire savagely guarding the top and makes a terrible clatter that concertinas off into the distance in either direction.

Feeling weaker than ever he decides that he can't climb the fence and that razor wire would make it impossible anyway but he notices a small gate about 50 metres along. As quickly as he can he reaches the gate only to find that is locked and chained tight. He reaches out to grab the fence and shake it in aggravation but suddenly the lights go out and he sinks to the ground, all the while saying unintelligible things like 'ubuntoo', 'pclinuxos', 'openoffice' and 'gimp', then it's all over.

When he finally opens his eyes, Gary looks around and finds himself in a warm bed in a room with lots of lights and there's an absolutely gorgeous nurse standing over him. He knows she's a nurse because she's wearing a nurse's cap....................but not another thing. Her ample, but pert, breasts sway to and fro as she goes about the business of bandaging his left arm. Not wishing her to run away Gary decides to lay there quietly and enjoy this sudden upturn in the events of his day but then he realise that they have undressed him for the operation and he is laying on his back and, as a consequence, it has suddenly become very obvious that he is awake and aware of the naked nurse.

Knowing of the Locutus' penchant for throwing away parts that are too small during assimilation, Gary mused 'Well he won't be throwing that away now, Hell! he wouldn't be able to carry it'.

Without a sign of any fuss the nurse covers his embarrassment with a sheet and continues wrapping his arm then a doctor, he hadn't noticed on the other side of the bed, said 'You're a lucky man'. Looking back at the nurse, Gary had to agree.

The doctor was a large man with one of those shiny things on his forehead, you know, with the light in it. Around his neck was a stethoscope but you could only see the earpieces and tubes because the lower part disappeared into the unbelievable forest of pitch black hair on his chest. Further perusal showed that the doctor was definitely not as impressed with the naked nurse as Gary was.

'Awfully lucky' he continued, 'Five more minutes and you would have been assimilated, it was that close'.

'How did you find me?' Gary asked.

'Well!' he said, 'This is a large property that is covered with shrubbery and so we implant RFI tags onto all of our people so that we can quickly locate them in case of an emergency. Our GPS scanner works in a fairly wide band and, whoever tagged you just happened to use a tag within that range so we were tracking you for some time before you hit the boundary fence.'

'RFI tags?' said Gary, 'I've never been tagged?'

'As it turns out whoever shot you tagged you with RFI buckshot, we discovered that when we pulled it out of your wound'

'My God! Where are the buckshot now' said Gary in a more than stressed tone.It all came back to him, the catapult, the shot, the snare, THE LOCUTUS! 'Those buckshot are being tracked by the Locutus! We have to get rid of them!'

When he said 'LOCUTUS' the nurse suddenly stood upright and her shoulders straightened with fright, making her breasts leap into the air and then settle down with alluring little bounces that did wondrous things with Gary's anatomy.

'LOCUTUS!. LOCUTUS!, LOCUTUS!' he shouted and each time the shoulders snapped back and the gorgeous breasts bounced back into position. 'LOCUTUS!, LOCUTUS!, LOCUTUS! he shouted again and would have kept going but the doctor had called security and the security guy suddenly burst into the room.

He was a big man and he wore a peak cap with a shiny badge and an arm band with an eagle emblazoned on it and some badge of rank. He had a night stick and a hand gun but, as he had nowhere to put them he carried one in each hand.

Gary looked at the doctor and noticed a rising interest in the security man (which explained his lack of interest in the nurse) as he screamed out his orders. 'Get everyone away from the South fence, there is a Locutus prowling down there and get rid of these buckshot.'

'No!' screamed Gary, 'Leave the buckshot.'

The doctor looked at him quizzically?

'The Locutus is no fool' said Gary, 'We have to be careful what we do with those, remember, the Locutus is still tracking them and as far as he knows, they are still in me and it's me he wants.'

'You're right', said the doctor and he turned to the security guard and said, 'Ok Shaney sweets, just get our people into a safe area'. Turning to Gary he said, 'What will we do with the buckshot?'

'As I said, he's no idiot and he's persistent. If we split them up and get various people to take them away, he will see immediately that we have discovered his ruse and who knows what havoc he may reek on you colony in his search for me. No! We have to make him think that I have left here with the buckshot still intact.'

'Then what can we do?' repeated the doctor.

'Let's set up a trap and rid the earth of this beast once and for all.' said Gary.

"First of all, get someone to walk around the perimeter and lead the Locutus to the other side of your property. Make the progress slow and steady, he has to believe that I am still wounded and he won't climb over the razor wire, he'll wait till I make a break for it. Once he is over there we will set up an ambush and then lead him back into it with his own technology. He will never know what hit him. I just hope that you and 'Shaney' have the stomach to face him when it comes time.'
Shaney??? WTF??? Him???
As Locutus watches Gary shamble up to the fence surrounding the nudist compound Locutus decides to fade back into the trees while he ponders his next move. While he watched from a distance Locutus saw Gary collapse while trying to open a small gate.

Suddenly there was movement inside the station, for the word had got around. That the colt from old regret somebody had seen Gary collapse and summoned help. A group of people came running bearing a stretcher and opened the gate.

One person, obviously a doctor, stared examining Gary. Locutus was puzzled because the doctor seemed to spend way too much time around Gary's middle region when Locutus knew that it was only Gary's shoulder that was wounded. With a snort of disgust the doctor lost interest in Gary and motioning his crew to follow him, led them inside.

Flipping open his phone Locutus activated the GPS tracking and watched Gary's signal move toward the center of the compound. "Hmmmm, this is going to call for some backup." He thought. Dialing a number he started speaking.

"Lazerus, call Adam Selene and the gang, get them assembled in Gay Deceiver and bring them to my location." Satisfied, Locutus shut off his phone and settled down to wait.

After a while Locutus decided to check on the GPS signal again. He noticed that it had returned to the perimeter and was making its way to the opposite side of the compound. "I wonder what Gary is up to?" Puzzled Locutus.

With a whoosh of wind the Gay Deceiver appeared and disgorged more people that she looked like she could hold. After they had assembled in front of Locutus he started the briefing. "Now you are all probably wondering why I called you here. It appears that Gary has found some help in that nudist colony past those trees. While I am the best there is I can only assimilate so many people at one time. So I need your help. You all know the drill so get into position and wait for my signal."

At that point everybody disbanded and melted into the surrounding forest. Humming a catchy little tune Locutus made his way over to the point the GPS signal seemed to be heading towards.
Gary was so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed the large crowd of naked and near naked people that had gathered in the square in front of him. Shaney had called them in primarily for their safety but also to tell them about the situation. With a loud crackle the doctor switched on the public address system and shocked Gary back into reality.

He had never seen this many naked people before and was not quite ready for the overall effect. One beautiful,naked woman like the nurse had aroused the sleeping tiger within him but this many naked people, men and women, all shapes and sizes sent his emotions reeling in the opposite direction. Sneaking into this nudist colony had been a dream of Gary's and every other red blooded boy in the area for as long as he could remember but this scene had put a giant damper on those dreams. And just as well for there was a serious problem that needed to be attended to and any distractions could be fatal.

'Hello.....can you hear me' said the doctor, tapping on the microphone with his index finger, 'One .. two ... three.....Shaney, is this on?' Shaney gave him a look that said something like 'What are you? ........A moron!' and the doctor turned and faced the crowd.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we have called you here because there is a real emergency and we need to have you get dressed and go home in an orderly fashion and as quickly as possible.'

'What's going on?' voices cried out from many directions and the doctor held up his hand in a silencing motion, 'This is Gary', said the doctor,'and he was followed here by a Locutus.'

'Did you see that?' said Gary to anyone who cared to listen, 'When he said Locutus, did you see that? All those shoulders snapping back, all that bouncing, Wow! if we could harness all that energy we could power a small town. Gosh I'm starting to like that name.'

Ignoring Gary's remarks the doctor continued, 'The Locutus is still out there and we don't know exactly where but we have checked the main entrance and, for the moment, that is safe so we ask you to gather your things together and leave as soon as possible. Oh and one more thing; If any of you men would like to volunteer to help us trap this thing you would be most welcome. Thank you, that is all.'

As the doctor approached Gary said,' Will we get any volunteers do you think?'
'I don't think so' was his stern reply, 'If we were asking them to help trap an ordinary soul that had been cursed by the penguin we would get lots but this is the Locutus. They don't come any more dangerous or powerful than that.'

He was right. Just two volunteers. Add those to the doctor, Shaneys group of him and 10 security guards and Gary and it came to just 15. Was that enough? They'd find out soon enough.

Here was the plan.

Shaney had already sent one of his men off, carrying the RFI pellets to lead the Locutus around to the North side of the property. He had been instructed to stay out of sight of the boundary fence and circle via the West fence which was the rear of the property. He was to travel very slowly, like as if he was wounded, stopping occasionally to feign rest stops. This would keep the Locutus away from the front gate, allowing the colonists to go home safely and keep him away from the South side where the rest of the group would set an elloborate trap to snare him and, once set, the guy with the pellets would lead him back, right into the trap where the attempt will be to catch him alive.

'Once we have him,' said Gary, 'Uncle Bill will arrange for his transportation to Redmond where he will be re-assimilated back to the real world. Provided our trap holds, the plan is foolproof. In fact, as we speak, the MS Helicopter is on it's way with a special 'penguin proof' enclosure to take him back.'

'Sounds crazy to me', said Shaney, 'I've messed with these things before and it's always easier to finish them off.'

'Yes but Uncle Bills got a new formula, it's called W7 and he's dying to try it and, if it works on the Locutus, it's going to be as great as they're predictiing. So it's vital we catch him alive.'

'Let's go', the doctor interupted, 'The trucks are loaded with everything. Let's get it done.'

As Gary swung into the passenger seat of the lead truck he asked,'Did you get the generator?'

'It's all there', said the driver and the convoy headed off in the direction of the gate where they had found Gary the day before.

First of all they set up a perimeter of laptops running Vista and XP, all hooked to the generator and their screens turned to face into the bushes.

'If he comes while we're still out here', says Gary, 'It won't hold him off for long but it should give us enough time to slip back inside the colony to relative safety.'

Gary surveys the scene. Men going back and forth in a continuous strem, carrying out pre-formed panels and expertly placing them together. This shouldn't take too long he thinks to himself but he feels remarkably uncomfortable. He knows the Locutus is off chasing a phantom but he has the eerie feeling that he is being watched. It's so strong he can taste it.

'Ask everyone to be careful', he says to the doctor,'You can't trust the Locutus.'

Pretty soon they finish the building and they bring in the heavy crane to lift the stainlees steel penguin trap into the building where it will be desguised as another room. Since the start of the assimilation phase, these stainless steel containers have been stockpiled everywhere. They are the only known containers that a penguin cursed soul cannot escape from or assimilate through. Once it is in the building the crane is removed and the roof closed in and they finish the outside of the building in a manner that is sure to attract anyone cursed by the penguin.

Looking exactly like a shop they erect a giant sign that says .....


'That should get them in', says the doctor, 'But how will you get them to enter the trap?'

'By offering the one thing that a true follower of the penguin can't resist'. As he says that Gary unveils the sign on the door of the inner trap. It says ......


There is a flashing sign on the back wall of the trap that flashes, over and over again.....


'They will find that impossible to resist' says Gary and they pack up and leave in quick time.

They have only got just back inside the perimeter fence when the trap alarm sounds???????

'Unbelievable', says Gary,'Was he there all the time? Could we have caught him so quickly? This was easier than I thought.'

Hurrying back to the trap Gary quickly attaches his Toshiba laptop with Vista to the inner container and turns on the video camera mounted inside. He presses the FN/L combination to turn on the lights and, using the cursor keys, starts surveying what they have caught.

Gary stares in disbelief, 'My God!' he says,'We have caught one.....But it's not the Locutus.'

'What does that mean?' says the doctor.

'I know this one', says Gary, 'It's Lazerus. I thought I killed him once but it's like he came back from the dead. He's Locutus' right hand man. If Lazerus is here then the Locutus has sent for reinforcements so tell everyone to be really careful. Let's take him inside and we'll see what we can find out. Take this trap out and place another inside.'

'With the trap loaded with Free Software we might have a busy night ahead of us', Gary said to the assembled team, 'They just can't resist Free software. If we're lucky we'll catch a few of them before the Locutus gets back.'

Turning to Shaney he said, 'Tell your man to lead the Locutus back here at 9AM we should be right by then.'
ROTFL, I want more :D
I will write the next part but I am just a bit busy at the moment, and I want to do proper justice to Gary's literary talent.
This is fun, I can't wait to see what you're going to make of all that. I have left you plenty of room for movement.

Bit busy too, releasing software and if I take a little while to answer sometimes, be patient, I will.
Moving through the lush jungle, his senses attuned the the surroundings, Locutus was aware of at least five of his fellows shadowing him. Coming close to the origin of the GPS signal Locutus stopped and circling his hand over his head made the sign to his crew to spread out and survey the area.

A rumble in his belly told Locutus that it had been a while since he had eaten anything. "This Gary problem is taking up too much of my time." He grumbled as he started munching on an energy bar. "Doesn't anyone realise that he is a carrier and spreader of virus's and other nasties? I thought that the compound had a policy of purity and simplicity, thats why we left them alone."

"Well, I guess that they too will...." Locutus broke off his train of thought as his phone pinged at him. Flipping open the handset he ponged back and Lazerus's voice came excitedly through the speaker. "Hey Locutus! You would never believe what I found. They have a Linux shop here. They are even promoting free software to attract the newbies."

"Be careful." Interrupted Locutus. "It could be a trap designed to lure our kind." "I don't think so." Replied Lazerus. "They have a lot of windows computers out as display items, obviously to catch the attention of those who have not yet seen the light. I wonder if it is our agent in the compound who set this up? I'm going inside now to have a look. Hey! Anybody here? Helloooo. Sh..." SPrKzzpvks! Went Locutus's phone as communications were cut.

Fingers flying faster than anyone with a mouse could ever achieve, Locutus sent urgent pings to the rest of the crew to pull back to the Gay Deceiver. That done Locutus opened up a communications line direct to the ship. "Get everyone on board, leave my special toolkit and head back to base. They have Lazerus." He ordered. "I am going after them myself. This Gary's a crafty one and too dangerous to risk anyone else." "Sure thing Locutus." Replied the ship.

Locutus rushed towards the last known location of the GPS signal. Sure now that it was just a decoy meant to lure him into the trap that caught Lazerus he decided to use that to his advantage. "Think you can go from being hunted to the hunter huh." Raged Locutus. "Well Gary my friend, you obviously haven't been charged by an angry penguin. You are about to find out."

Racing to the location of the GPS signal Locutus spied the decoy. As he hadn't yet been spotted Locutus threw stealth to the wind and putting on an extra burst of speed, bowled over the hapless carrier before he had a chance to react. "Before you see your friends again, if you see your friends again. I am going to get some answers out of you." Snarled Locutus as he dragged the semiconscious person to their feet. "Back to my base you go where I have some special toys to ply you with."
Gary, the doctor and Shaney had just got back to the office and were starting to discuss tactics for the morning.

'I'm a little concerned that we haven't caught another one', said Gary, 'They can't resist Free software and we really should have trapped at least one more?'

'Don't worry', answered the doctor, 'We have Lazarus and we will surely be able to get some info from him.'

'How's your man going with the pellets?' Gary asked Shaney.

'He was going well earlier but we haven't been able to contact him since about the time we caught Lazarus.'

'What?' said Gary.

'Don't worry, there are some black spots in those woods where the radio doesn't work.'

Jumping up immediately, Gary ran to the room where they had put Lazarus who was still in the trap, Gary reconnected his laptop and started searching the container.

'What are you looking for?' said the doctor.

'I think Lazarus might have been in touch with the Locutus about the time we caught him, which would explain the decoy disappearing around the same time and I'm looking for some sort of communication device, Lazarus', he said through the containers intercom, 'Where is your mobile phone?'

'Er .... I .... I don't have one' answered Lazarus but his eyes told a different story because he instinctively snapped a guilty look into the corner of the container on the opposite side to the restraining device that now held him securely in place.

Tapping furiously on the cursor keys and then zooming in, Gary could see an open flip phone lying there.

'There it is! It must have been knocked out of his hands when the trap slammed shut.'

He carefully put his arms into the mechanism that controlled the mechanical arms mounted inside the container. Earlier on Shaney had used these arms to secure Lazarus in his restrictive manacles and, by doing so, had prevented Lazarus from regaining his phone. Now Gary gently picked up the phone and dropped it into the recovery chute. Once the phone was safely inside it he relocked the inside door of the recovery chute. 'It's too small for him to do anything with', he thought to himself,' But better safe than sorry'

Turning to the doctor he said, 'Get that out of there very carefully and completely disinfect it, be very careful that no moisture gets into it because we'll want to use it later when we come back.'

Now he shouted to Shane, 'Shaney, take me to the spot where they were last in touch with the decoy.....Right Now!'

Using the 4WD they were there very quickly but the guard could not be found.

It wasn't too long before they found a large hole cut in the fence,'Where the hell would he get the tools to do that' mused Gary and, by following the very distinct trail, they came to the site of the ambush.

Now it was all falling into place, 'I reckon I was right', said Gary, 'When we caught Lazarus he must have been talking to the Locutus. He has obviously become furious that we caught his right hand man and must have realised that we were using a decoy so that we could set a trap to catch him. So he has lost it completely, somehow he has cut through the fence and very quickly attacked our decoy.'

Shaney was watching Gary and hanging off every word.....

'Looking at the tracks you can see that the Locutus has dragged him off. He wouldn't have done that if he was dead so we have to assume that the Locutus has taken him somewhere to get some answers out of him.'

'Poor bastard.' muttered Shaney, while Gary continued ....

'Yeah!', said Gary with a smile, 'The next time we see him he'll reckon that penguin s##t don't stink.' and was obviously amused by his own joke.

'Let's see, what does he know?', Gary continued.

'Can he tell the Locutus anything that can harm us?'

'Could we use what we know he will tell the Locutus to our advantage?'

After a few moments pondering his own questions he suddenly got a look of realisation on his face, 'Say!'. he said in that 'Eureka I've done it!' sort of way and in a very excited manner he shouted, 'Take me back to the Office ...... QUICKLY!'.
Dragging the decoy back to his base Locutus felt a burning sensation on his left arm. Looking down he noticed that he had cut himself. "Must of been when I went through the fence." He mused. As it was only a minor cut and just irritating more than anything else Locutus put it out of his mind.

When he reached the base camp Locutus told the now wide awake and looking very scared decoy to sit down. The decoy, having seen Locutus burst through a chain link fence as though it were butchers paper, when it should have diced Locutus into bite sized pieces, did what was told.

Having calmed down significantly Locutus took stock of what he had captured. He saw a trim female of average height and more than average endowments. "If she were cleaned and dressed up she would be stunning." He thought. Locutus was at a bit of a loss with what to do. Although he had girls as friends they were more like boys than this fine example of womenhood.

With an uncharacteristic whirling of his thoughts, strange feelings and unfamiliar body movements Locutus rummaged in his stock and brought out an overcoat. "Here put this on." He commanded. As she put the overcoat on, Locutus felt his reactions subside. Pushing aside the urge to tell her to take the overcoat off again, Locutus composed his questions.

"Tell me your name and what your mission was." Barked Locutus. "That was probably a bit harsh." Thought Locutus. "I'll have to tone it down a bit but, whew, my face seems awfully hot." In a softer tone Locutus repeated his question. "I have no intention of hurting you. I just wish to know your name and your purpose for decoying me."

"M M My n name is Me Me Melissa." She blubbered scared almost into incoherency. "Sh Sh Shaney sent B Bill but I c c convinced Bill to l let me go i i instead. I I wanted to s s see a Lo Lo Locutus. But you caught meeeee!" The last sentence trailed off in a wail of despair as Melissa's composure totally broke down.

"Now calm yourself Melissa. I am not going to hurt you. You can see that I am not the big monster that everybody makes me out to be." Locutus soothed. "What were your duties in the compound? Once I had taken the decoy bait, what were you supposed to do?"

Melissa sat there snuffling for a minute before she had regained enough composure to answer. "I was a nurse under the arrogant pig of a doctor who treated Gary. I overheard Gary talking about setting a trap for you and I had to warn you. I just had to because." At this point Melissa glanced around furtively as though she would be overheard. Locutus choked back a chuckle because he knew what she would say next. "Because I have used Linux and liked it. Then while I was waiting at the decoy point the message came that I was to lead you to these coordinates at nine in the morning." As Melissa spoke, Locutus could see her confidence returning and she started preening her luscious red hair. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and luminous. "Ooh your hurt. Let me take a look at that for you. Where are your bandages?"

Locutus showed Melissa the first aid supplies and let her dress his wound. As she worked Locutus relaxed under her expert ministrations and idly thought it would be great to have someone like her for a life partner. When Melissa finished her work Locutus reluctantly shook himself out of his reverie. "Thank you Melissa, I believe you will be trustworthy and you are definitely safe here. Go and rummage over there and see if you can find some better clothes, if you wish. I think there is also an old netbook with Linux on it if you wish to have a play. I will decide on the best course of action to take."

"You have a Linux netbook here?" Melissa asked incredulously. "I have always wanted one of those. All they had in the compound were windows computers and they were always breaking down. I thought life in the compound would be great when I paid my membership fees, everybody looked good but in the course of my work I found out that everyone was suffering and worn down with disease and too much medication. I managed to keep clean but it was so hard and all the antibiotics I took slowed me down. Really I am so glad to be out of there!"

"Well you are quite welcome to stay with us." Locutus replied. "We will help you become assimilated into our culture and we always try to help if you really want it. As a matter of fact you have given me a great idea. If this works I can save Lazerus and assimilate Gary once and for all. If your up to it Melissa you can come and help or I can call for some transport to take you back to Penguin City, our capitol."

"Oh no Locutus! I don't want to go back to the city. I want to stay and help you. I am tired of the attitude those at the compound have and I want them all assimilated."

"I was hoping you would say that Melissa. Grab your stuff and lets go." Said Locutus as he shouldered his pack and headed back into the jungle.
Shaney said 'What's the hurry to get back to the Office, I thought that we were....', he stopped suddenly, 'That's Bill!' he said, 'What the hell is going on here?' and he immediately pulled the car over.

'Bill', he said, 'What's going on, we thought the Locutus got you. Where have you been?'

'Is this the guard you sent as decoy?' asked Gary, 'How did he escape?'

'I never was the decoy', he said, 'Melissa talked me into letting her do it.'

'Well you're in trouble mister, the Locutus has got her'

'That's the way she planned it', he said.

'Wait a minute, who's Melissa and what do you mean, That's the way she planned it?' interjected Gary.

'First of all', said Shaney, 'Melissa is the nurse you met when we brought you in', and turning his attention to Bill, 'And what do you mean, that's the way she planned it?'

'As it turns out she hates Linux and the Locutus more than anyone. She only started to work here because she new this area was where the Locutus' hangs out and she has devoted her life to his destruction.'

'But why?' chorused Gary and Shaney.

'It seems that it was just a little while ago that the Locutus assimilated her father and he was so hypnotised into believing that Linux was fabulous that he totally ignored his family, to the point where he thought they were getting in the way of his time playing with the penguin, so he left them. Absolutely destroying what used to be a loving, caring family'

'How sad' said Gary. 'No wonder she jumped like that whenever Locutus name was mentioned.'

'Since then, her mother has died from loneliness and her younger brother has changed sides because he had no fatherly influence in the house'

'Her younger brother changed sides? Is he cursed by the penguin too?' asked Shaney.

'No he's gay, he's come out of the closet.'

'Linux will do that to you', said Gary,'Even the Locutus named that plane, shippy, flying thing the Gay Deceiver, I think he must be gay too.' Then, snapping out of it he said 'Well she's bought it now. She's playing with the big boys. He's a mean bastard, if he discovers her ruse he will stop her clock. She'll have to be really careful.'

'She's no dummy', said Bill, 'Just about now she'll be trying to figure out how to slip that knife she carries between his ribs.'

'Well', said Gary,'She's doing more for her cause than she imagines'

'What do you mean?'

'As it turns out, Locutus was in such a rage that he overlooked the fact that she was carrying the tagged buckshot so turn on your tracker and let's just find out where the beast has taken her and then we can go and kick his ass. That is, if Melissa hasn't already pinned him on her wall'.
They had been traipsing through the jungle for quite a while and still hadn't reached the compound. Slowly the surrounding vegetation thinned out and became more rocky. In the distance the roar of a massive waterfall could be heard.

"Where are we going?" Asked Melissa. "I am preparing a little surprise for Gary." Replied Locutus. "I know of a place to hide this buckshot in which will mute but not eliminate the GPS signal. He will think I am hiding in some animal lair and come and get me."

They soon reached a place where the tortured rock formations looked like souls of the dammed had been frozen in stone. "Wait here for a moment, I'll be right back." Commanded Locutus. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Asked Melissa. "No. It's a dangerous path and I don't want to be responsible for causing your death." At these words Melissa's breath caught and her eyes widening she slowly turned and took a seat.

After some time Melissa heard some scuffling and scrabbling. Turning around she saw Locutus come from behind a large boulder. It looked like he had had to squeeze himself through some tight places. His clothing was ripped in a few places showing off some impressive musculature. Shaking herself out of her reverie Melissa stood up just as Locutus arrived.

"Are you ready?" Asked Locutus. Melissa nodded. "Ok then, give me a hand with my goodies and we shall see how Gary and friends like them." "What are you planning to do with them?" Asked Melissa. "Well, we have an appointment with them at 9 am so I wouldn't want to disappoint them. They are probably holding Lazerus in one of those penguin cages they designed to incarcerate us. If he hasn't already escaped we will release him and then make gravy out of Gary."

Lazerus awoke with a start. His face cooling under a fitful breeze. Knowing that these penguin cages were airtight Lazerus started hunting for the source of the breeze. That was pretty easy to find as the entrance to his cell was open a tiny amount. With his heart thudding in his chest Lazerus carefully pushed the cage door open and scanned the area. It looked empty, as though everyone had left in a hurry.

As he pushed the door open fully a piece of paper fluttered down. Reaching down to pick it up he unfolded it and read the message. Lazerus gave a short bark of laughter as he crumpled up the paper and threw it away. Whistling a jaunty tune he went off in search of a communicator.

Locutus and Melissa were almost at the compound when Locutus's phone buzzed. Flipping it open he held it to his ear. "Lazerus you sly fox, you managed to get out." Laughed Locutus. After a couple more seconds of listening, Locutus's demeanor turned serious. "Really? Well I have everything ready for them at my end. Unless they can see in infra red they will never know they tripped the signal. Then I will be ready for them. Stay where you are I am coming to make a deposit." Motioning Melissa to follow him, Locutus entered the compound.

"Boy these guys really are sloppy." Remarked Locutus as he surveyed the mess. "Melissa dear, can you hand me that bag please." Melissa handed over the bag which Locutus reached in, took out a small USB device, plugged it into the nearest computer for a few seconds and then replaced. "That should do it." He grinned.

He turned to hand the bag back to Melissa and froze. Melissa had the rifle cocked and ready and pointing in his direction. "Melissa! What are you doing?" Demanded Locutus. "Turn around Locutus." Hissed Melissa. Slowly Locutus turned then relaxed. "It's alright Melissa, it's only Lazerus. He's one of us." Turning back he noticed that Melissa looked shaken. "Hey, don't worry Melissa, you will be safe with us. It is our lifestyle to defend and uphold the rights of all. We only wish to have the freedom to do our own thing. I will be here to protect you Melissa." Promised Locutus.

Turning to Lazerus he said. "You have more lives than Schrödinger's cat Laz. What did you do? Walk through the wall?" "No. The door was left open purposely. I believe our agent is still effectively operating." He gave a quick glance at Melissa. "Whats the deal with the wall flower?" Lazerus asked. "That wall flower almost blew your brains out. Her name is Melissa and she is newly assimilated. She still hasn't settled in just yet so go easy on her." Replied Locutus. "Are we all set?" He asked. "Lets go and see how Gary likes his reception." Turning around he headed to the compound exit.
Hmmm. Nice twist.

Busy now. But I'll be back.
You can't just change the conditions to suit what you want to happen.

We had Lazarus in manacles, you just ignored that.

Oh well, I'll just have to change my intended direction to cover that.
As they switch on the tracker to find out where Locutus has taken Melissa Gary is hit with the sudden realisation that what they are about to see cannot really be trusted.

'You know, he could find that buckshot and use it to lead us astray without us knowing it.' he said to Shaney, ' Let's find out where it says he is but I have another plan that can really lead us to the Locutus without a single error.'

'You have another plan?', says Shaney, 'anything to get that monster out of the system is good for me.'

The tracker lights up and and shows all of the people that they knew were in the compound as well as a faint blip off to the South about two miles from the compound.

'That's just about where I would have figured he would make camp', said Gary,' Let's just record it's movement and, in the meantime, let's put my other plan into operation.'

'I'm all ears' said Shaney as he turned from the tracker to give Gary all his attention.

'Look, we were going to question Lazarus but that really is a waste of time. These Linux fanboyz are dumb as dognuts, all they keep saying is "Linux is good cause Windows sucks". It doesn't matter what you ask them so I have an idea how to use Lazarus for some real gains.'

'How's that', said Shaney, starting to get really interested.

'Well, we'll go down there and make out that we are going to grill him. We'll play the good guys and release him from his manacles, we'll explain that we just want to be nice, then we'll question him for a while and while we are there we'll turn on all the monitoring cameras because later, after he falls asleep, we'll slip down there and open the door to his cage so that he can escape when he wakes up. If I'm not mistaken, he'll go straight to Locutus. I suggest we leave his communicator where he can find it, after we establish it's frequency so that we can monitor any calls he makes without him knowing about it. That will be much more reliable than the buckshot.'

Four hours later and, suddenly, Gary is disturbed from his sleep. He instinctively goes for his gun but Shaney quickly calms him and says he had better come quickly to the control room.

'What's happened?' says Gary.

'Look at this', Shaney was turning on the Recorder. 'This was shot about ten minutes ago.'

They watch, intrigued, as a figure slips into the area where Lazarus was kept in the penguin trap. Quickly, and silently, the figure moves to the door of the trap and opens it, setting it slightly ajar.

'Good', says Gary.

'Not so good', says Shaney.

'What do you mean?' says Gary, 'that was the plan.'

'But that's not us doing that, that is someone doing that without any instruction from us. Notice he leaves a note above the door?'

'Do you know who it is?' asks Gary.

'Yes and I have him closely monitored and he doesn't know it'

'Well grab him right now' says Gary, 'Make sure he doesn't have a chance to warn anyone, stick him in a penguin trap in a completely different place, and let's just see what happens when Lazarus wakes up. He saved us a job.'

Later that morning Bill came running in excitedly, 'Melissa just called me', he gasped, 'She said Locutus had found the Buckshot and was putting it in a cave near the falls which she suspected was booby trapped. She said they were coming here and then she hung up, I guess that means that they caught her on the phone or that she had to hang up for fear of getting caught.'

'Good on Melissa' said Gary, 'A perfect body and a great mind, I'm glad she's on our side.'

As they approached the compound Melissa thought that she might never get the chance to finish him off. she was sickened because she had picked up hints from him that he was attracted to her. One way or another she would see him dead this day.

Shaney and Gary sat watching Lazarus as he woke and found the cage door open. They saw him read the note and laugh and then they saw him find his communicator and flip it open immediately to call the Locutus.

'They are such fools' said Shaney, 'How easy is this'

Monitoring the phone call they now knew that Locutus was in the compound so they could easily spring their trap.

The compound had been in total protect mode since the Locutus had taken Melissa so the perimeter monitors had picked up the party of Melissa and Locutus as they entered.

Very carefully, Gary, Shaney and his men, all except the traitor, moved into position between the Locutus and the area where he and Melissa had entered the camp.

They watched as Locutus set up his infrared snare and they watched as he and Lazarus greeted each other like long lost buddies. Then Locutus, Lazarus and Melissa headed for the compound fence.

As they approached Gary stepped out and said, 'Hello Locutus'

Startled, Locutus and Lazarus went for their weapons but stopped when they realised that they were completely surrounded by 5 men with automatic weapons aimed and armed and at point blank range. Behind those there were 7 more, similarly armed, men with their backs to the others, guarding any chance of a surprise attack, even though they knew that there were no others in the compound.

'It's all over' said Shaney, 'Drop your weapons NOW!'

Locutus and Lazarus knew they were outgunned and were in the process of dropping their weapons when suddenly Gary leaped at Locutus.

'No you don't', he said as he wrested the blade from Melissa's hand, 'We want him alive.' and she melted into tears, 'You bastard', she said to Locutus,'You ruined my family and I wanted you dead!'

An hour later, Locutus, Lazarus and the spy were all safely loaded into Uncle Bill's helicopter and on their way to Redmond.

'I hope he can be re-assimilated', said Gary, 'I think he's probably quite a nice guy if you get him away from the penguin'.

'I hope the helicopter crashes and he burns in hell' said Melissa.

'Who?' said Gary, 'Locutus!'

And her shoulders shot back and Gary thought wow, let's get that gear off again.
I didn't notice that he was in manacles. Sry. I'll pay more attention next time :)
That's ok. I like what happened because of that though.
Are you too busy.

I can think of a couple of great ways that you can get out of this.

It's your blog, I think you have to eventually win, but I won't be easy.
I am pretty busy but there will be an update today. You probably won't like whats going to happen though [evil grin]
Locutus looked around and took stock of his surroundings. The webbing he was sitting on seemed to derive some sadistic pleasure at knotting up uncomfortably in the small of his back. To his left he saw Lazerus looking equally uncomfortable and miserable to boot. On his right was a stranger he had never met. Opposite the helicopter cabin two stony faced guards with wicked looking machine guns stared blankly back at him. Over their shoulders, Locutus could see the partial silhouette of the pilot. It seemed strange that there was no co-pilot.

Turning again to the man on the right Locutus asked him. "Who are you? Why are you here?" The man replied. "Hello Locutus, I am honoured to meet you. I go by the codename graycat. I was assimilated by your agent in the compound along with several others. He really is good at his job. I received some orders to unlock Lazerus's penguin cage and leave a note. Afterwards I was locked up and now I am here."

"Welcome to our community." Replied Locutus. "Once we get out of this situation I will personally make sure that you are properly compensated. Do you have any idea's on how we can get out of this eggbeater? Lazerus! Stop mooning over yourself and think of something."

Suddenly the aircraft hit some turbulence and everybody had no time for any other thought but to hang on. After a couple of minutes the flight leveled out and everybody breathed a sigh of relief. Locutus saw the pilot reach out and flick on the autopilot.

"Now that we are not bouncing around like a lottery ball have you come up with anything?" Locutus asked out loud. Both Greycat and Lazerus shook their heads despondently. "I have." Said a voice coming from the helicopter cockpit. Locutus snapped his head up as the pilot rose from his seat.

With a diabolical grin on his face the pilot grabbed the two guards heads and smashed them together like over sized conkers. With their eyes rolling backwards the guards descended into the black abyss of unconsciousness. "Why you sneaky bugger!" Exclaimed Lazerus. "Hi Laz, have a good holiday in that cage?" Asked the pilot. Turning his attention to Locutus he said. "Hey Locutus. Long time no see. Still getting into trouble as usual." Locutus grinned at him and replied. "Some things never change Shaney, some things never change."

As Gary said Locutus, Melissa again straightened up in reaction to the pain that the prisoner loop they embedded in her back induced. "They told us that it was a simple homing antenna in case we became lost." She thought to herself. "Every body has one they said. What they didn't tell us was that it was tuned to emit intense infra red radiation whenever somebody says Locutus. The things they will do to brainwash us."

As the pain faded from the small of her back she relaxed and before Gary could find another excuse to shout Locutus again Melissa decided distract him so she could move on with the plan. "It is a good thing that I am such a good actress. The megalomaniac seems to be completely besotted with me." She thought. Out loud Melissa said to Gary. "Hold your horses there stallion. I feel dirty and defiled by that creep and need to clean up. You just wait there and I will be back in a jiffy."

On her way to the washroom Melissa thought to herself. "That Gary is just as much of a creep as that doctor. It was a pity that Gary took the knife away from me before I could pierce his gizzard. That doctor really has it in for me though. I hope I don't run into him. He has been jealous ever since Shaney and I hooked up. He wanted Shaney badly even though Shaney told him that he doesn't swing that way." A pleasant shiver coursed through her body as Melissa remembered the times she had with Shaney. The late night meetings, the secret codes they shared with each other. The best part was when he showed her the...

Reaching a turnoff Melissa glanced around to make sure that no-one was following and made her way to the computer that Locutus had previously plugged the USB device into. Reaching it she made sure that the network cables were attached then logged on as Bill. "Beauty has a way of getting information that brawn hasn't. Brawn is also easily dazzled by beauty." Melissa thought wryly as she found the file and activated it. Scurrying a little to make up for the lost time, Melissa headed off to freshen up.

After her shower Melissa headed to the kitchen and loaded up with a plate of fruit and a couple of drinks and found her way back to Gary. "Here you go. I thought you might be hungry and thirsty after your success." She crooned as Gary visibly puffed up at her attentions. Melissa put the plate down on the side table and handed one of the drinks to Gary. Holding hers up in the air she said. "A toast to the success of the mission!" "Yes, a toast. To the successful assimilation of Locutus back at Redmond." Replied Gary. As Melissa drained her glass she noticed with satisfaction that Gary had also drained his.

Suddenly Gary's eyes bulged and making pitiful gargling sounds collapsed on the bed. Melissa carefully put her glass down and walking to the door gave a signal. In came two men with a stretcher who then bundled the hoarsely breathing Gary onto it. Just as they were about to leave Melissa grabbed one of the men. "Is everyone ready?" She asked. "Yes maam." He replied. "Good then lets get out of here, pronto. I believe we have worn out our welcome." Melissa commanded as they swept out the door.

Considering that Linux controls less than 1% of the desktop, all of those users must work at this bloody nudist colony.

Let's see what we can do here.........
I wasn't going to make things easy for you either :)
There is more of us than what you think (cue twilight zone music)
'Locutus!, Locutus! Locutus!' Gary shouted five more times and was delighting in watching her reaction when Melissa stopped him..
"Hold your horses there stallion. I feel dirty and defiled by that creep and need to clean up. You just wait there and I will be back in a jiffy." she said and Gary noticed that she seemed to be in serious pain, she was not looking too well at all.

'Are you OK?' he asked but before she could answer, Bill came rushing in 'You'd better come quick!' he shouted, 'We've just found the MS helicopter pilot and co-pilot'

'What?' said Gary as he hurried out the door after Bill, 'How can they be here when the helicopter has gone?'

Rounding the building they came to the helipad and Gary followed Bill as he headed towards some thick shrubbery on the far side. When they arrived on the scene there were two guards and two bodies prostrate on the ground.

Getting down quickly Gary felt for a pulse but was dismayed to find that this one was dead. Quickly moving to the pilot he felt for and found an ever so sleight pulse.

'This guy's still alive', he shouted, 'Get him into the infirmary now!'.

The two guards were deep in conversation and completely ignored Gary's orders until Bill went up and grabbed one on the arm,'Get him into the doctor Now!' repeated Bill and they suddenly became aware and picked up the man and carried him into the doctor.

'What was going on there?' said Gary, 'That was the strangest thing?'

'We've got problems', said Bill,'They were discussing which OS they preferred, Ubuntu or PCLinuxOS. They have obviously been infected so we had better lock them away before they complete their assimilation and become slaves to the Locutus'.

'Go on in', said Gary,'And find Shaney, we've got some work to do. I'll be there in a minute.' and he flipped open his cell phone.

A few minutes later Gary arrives in the ward where he finds the doctor working furiously on the Pilot with Bill at his side.

'I have dealt with those two', said Bill,'But we don't know how many more have been infected, so we might have a major problem on our hands.'

'What about you?' asked Gary,'How do I know that you and the doctor haven't been infected?'

'I don't know', said Bill, 'I guess you'll have to keep your eyes peeled for the signs. If you catch it early enough it's not a problem. I told those other two guys that we suspected they had been infected and they voluntarily went into the penguin traps. Once they are fully assimilated they become cunning and deceitful and you would never know that they are infected.'

'Ok', said Gary,'We'll all have to watch each other.'

Turning to the doctor he asked, 'How's Melissa?'

'She seems to be OK, she'll be fine', he answered.

'Bill, did you find Shaney?', Gary asked.

'No, I can't find him anywhere, he's not answering his pager and no-one else has seen him. I think the Locutus must have kidnapped him.'

'That's all we need. How soon can I talk to this guy doc?'

'He's been hit pretty hard. Whoever did it tried to kill him but, he's a fighter and he's going to be ok. I'd say in a couple of hours.'

'Ok!, Bill I need you to check on all the staff. If you are at all suspicious about any of them, lock them up. It's for their own good and keep reporting to the doc every half hour so that you can check each other out, I' going to see Melissa.'



'Melissa....Melissa....', he said gently and with a little more coaxing she eventually opened her eyes.

'Where am I?, What happened?' said Melissa, sudddenly her eyes opened wide and she said 'Gary, I thought you were.....' and she burst into tears with the sudden realisation that she had been dreaming.

'I shouted Locutus' name over and over and then, before I knew what had happened to you I had to go outside. when I came back the doc told me that you had collapsed with the pain and, when he put you on the table, he discovered that they had implanted some sort of controlling device in your back. The doc has removed it so you should be alright now but I am so sorry'

'It wasn't your fault' she cried as she fell into his arms,'I was the stupid one who put myself in that position. But Shaney had encouraged me to do it. He said if anyone could get the Locutus, it would be me. Where is Shaney, I need to see him.'

'He's gone. We think the Locutus has taken him.'

With that her tears turned into uncontrollable sobs that sent Gary scurrying to the doc for a sedative to calm her down,'I think she's in love with Shaney' said Gary.

'I know she is' answered the doc, 'But she's gonna be even worse when she finds out that Shaney and I have been having an affair.'

'Shaney! I don't believe it.' said Gary, 'He's a man's man!'

'He certainly is said the doc', rather proudly.

Just then they heard the helicopters and both rushed outside.

Ten MS helicopters landed in every open space they could find and spewed out what seemed like hundreds of militia all dressed in the MS uniform.

One of them, whose shoulders were heavy with gold bars, approached Gary and as he snapped to attention and saluted he said,'Sir! How would you like the men deployed?'

Gary said 'There are many huts and rooms here and all the guests have gone home so tell your men to make themselves comfortable but to be ready for action at 5AM.'

'Yes Sir!' he said and then shouted out a bunch of orders that sent the men scurrying in all directions.

'We need to talk' said Gary and the Officer followed Gary into the room which he had converted into a control centre.

'Have we taken control of the errant helicopter yet?' asked Gary as they entered the room 'and please, let's drop the formal crap while we're alone. Ok Bob'

'Sure' said Bob and the two men shook hands and it became obvious that they were old friends.

'Well, headquarters could take complete control of the chopper, hell they could crash it if they like or steer them straight back here, but they want to know where he goes so, at this stage, we are leaving them in control and we'll take control if we think we need to.'

'What if the Locutus and his shady bunch rig the chopper to take away our powers?' asked Gary.

'That is truly not possible. All the electronics and control mechanisms are completely locked out of the reach of any passenger and you would need special tools and about four hours on the ground to reach any of it.'

'This is the Locutus!' said Gary as if his buddy hadn't realised that he was playing with the toughest oponent he would ever face.

'I know that, but it really is tamper proof and besides which, we are not going to interfere with what they're doing so he will have no reason to try anything.'

'Ok, your first course of action is to round up all the staff and confine them somewhere so that we can keep an eye on them and watch for signs of assimilation. We will meet again at 5 and work out our plan of action.'

Just then there was a knock on the door and the doc entered the room. His serious look turned into one of admiration as he eyed off Bob.

'What can I do for you doc?' said Gary snapping the doc out of his fantasy.

'Well I got Melissa settled but she's gonna be even more upset when she wakes up......Shaney has been unfaithful to us all', he said, 'The pilot came to and I was showing him some happy snaps of Shaney and I and he went ballistic. He swears it was Shaney who attacked him and killed his buddy.'
You didn't get the girl and Shaney's turns out to be gay. Hmmmmm who's not happy now? :-)
Don't be so sure. You have thrown my storyline for a loop but I can salvage it. I just haven't had the time just yet.
That's Ok.

I thought that dream thing was a masterpiece.

Although time consuming this is a lot of fun.

I thought that when you mentioned graycat you might have been inviting him to contribute.

You want to be careful or I'll call my secret agent payton :-)
Actually others can contribute. The only thing I would like is they keep the storyline relatively intact.
That could be fun. We might have to eventually set rules to keep it in line though.
"Before we go too much further I had better put this bird down on the ground before it blue screens on us." Said Shaney as he moved back to the pilots seat. "Once we are down we can call our own guys and continue on to base. With any luck Melissa will be there waiting for us."

"Do you miss her already?" Smirked Locutus. "I would have thought you would be having the time of your life in that compound." "No, I wouldn't have touched any one of those virus ridden, worm bound excuses." Spat Shaney. "Especially that doctor who thought himself gods gift to men. He was the sickest of the lot. Have you called our guys yet?"

"I did, while you two were bantering like schoolkids." Barked Lazerus. "It is time we cleansed out that stinkhole." "Aw, your just sore because you were suckered into that trap." Teased Locutus. "No matter, here our guys come now."

Sure enough two sleek helicopters hummed into view. They made the microsoft model look like a model T Ford against the Ferrari's these guys were. Forming a standard flight formation they picked up Locutus and the rest and headed back to base.

As soon as they hit the ground Shaney was out of the copter and on his way to the reconnaissance tent to find out where Melissa was. Locutus turned to the Sargent who came running up. "How's the fort going Stallman?" He asked. "Everything is going fine sir. We are all packed and ready to go." Replied the sargent. "Good. If Melissa has arrived with Gary then we will be off. Whats that shouting?" Puzzled Locutus.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE NEVER CAME OUT OF THE COMPOUND? WHAT SORT OF A NOOB ARE YOU? WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL FOR BACKUP AND GO IN AND GET HER?" Bellowed Shaney in an obviously irate mood. "We, We were going to but then we saw the helicopters." Stuttered the cowed lieutenant. "They must have caught Melissa and the rest before she escaped. Then that Gary guy must have called for backup because ten of the latest microsoft model helicopters turned up."

"Hmmm, I guess that this Gary is spoiling for a fight. I swear, if he has harmed a single hair of my Melissa's head I will use his toupee as toilet paper." Promised Shaney as he stormed out of the tent. "LOCUTUS!!!" He bellowed.

"I heard you, I heard you as well as half the camp." Placated Locutus as Shaney stood snorting like an enraged bull. "This doesn't change our plans much. We will head over there, pick up Melissa and the rest and move on. Those microsoft helicopters are no problem. They may look good but they are slow, fat and have a fatal flaw. Now if you have finished huffing and puffing get in the copter and we will be on our way."

In perfectly syncronised formation three helicopters rose with a powerful turbine backwash and went screaming off in the direction of Gary's compound. As soon as the helicopters came into sight of the compound the microsoft machines rose like a swarm of angry bees. "Do you think our three units will be enough?" Asked Lazerus. "Enough and and them some." Replied Shaney proudly. One of our helicopters can take on four of those microsoft ones and not break out a sweat."

"I am not going to take that risk." Interrupted Locutus. "Luckily I had the forethought to prepare for just such an eventuality. I took the opportunity to leave a little present on their computer system during my last visit. Watch what will happen now." With that, Locutus pushed the button on a controller he held in his hand.

At first nothing seemed to happen. Then one microsoft helicopter wobbled out of formation. Another followed, then another. In a short time all the microsoft helicopters were weaving around like drunken flies. Suddenly their engines stalled and, flames pouring out of the exhausts, dropped to the ground.

Before the last helicopter finished falling, Locutus's team landed in the compound. The doors shucked open and sixty of Locutus's finest, lead by a roaring Stallman, moved through the compound and started gathering everyone up. They met little resistance as everyone seemed stunned, disorientated and taken completely unprepared.

Locutus, Shaney and Lazerus threaded their way through the fighting and arrived at the administrative building. Inside was an eerie sight. Some computers were continuously rebooting. Some were showing blue screens while others just showed a black screen with a white flashing cursor. "What did you do?" Asked Lazerus as he stared around in amazement.

"It was simple really." Replied Locutus. "A little usb stick, windows autorun feature and a nasty little virus, trojan and worm combination that Shaney dreamed up. As these computers are always phoning home it was a simple matter to perform a man in the middle attack and with a simple command set off the software bomb on all computers at once." "Even the helicopters?" Wondered Lazerus. "Yep, even the helicopters. As soon as they connected wirelessly to the base computers for updates they received the extra package. Hey, where did Shaney go?"

Locutus and Lazerus turned the corner to see Shaney coming toward them. The big guy looked absolutely crestfallen. Cradled in his arms he had the limp body of Melissa. Gently he lowered her to the floor in front of Locutus and Lazerus. Locutus could see that Shaney was in the grips of an uncontrollable rage.

"Look what that monster did to her. Just look! When I get my hands on him I will tear him apart joint by joint." Growled Shaney. Locutus bent down to examine Melissa and saw that she was not dead as he had thought. She was not in good shape though. Her breathing was fast and shallow and her eylids showed rapid eye movement. With a sinking heart Locutus knew what those symptoms showed.

"Shaney, when you found Melissa, was she strapped to a machine with a head set on?" Asked Locutus. "Yes she was. The machine was powered off so I just removed the headset and brought her out here." "Well it seems that Gary had her on a Rekall memory implant machine. I thought that Quaid had destroyed all of them on Mars." Explained Locutus. "The only thing we can do is get her back to base and see if we can reverse the damage."

Arriving back at the helicopters they were confronted by a pleased looking Stallman. "We have all the prisoners rounded up and loaded onto the transports sir." He reported. "Very good Stallman. Did you manage to catch or kill Gary?" Replied Locutus. "We searched everywhere but we couldn't find him sir. We did find some logs that indicated he went on the helicopters which fell out of the sky sir." Said Stallman.

"Well will get him later." Said Locutus. "Hold your horses Shaney. We will get him eventually. That guy is as slippery as a soap covered eel. Until we know where he is our first priority is to see to Melissa. Stallman. Get those poor people off to decontamination and ready for assimilation. We will go to medical and try to save Melissa."

As the heavy transport copters bumbled off to the decontamination center the three attack helicopters headed off to the medical camp. The last copter stopped, hovered, then turned and let loose a flurry of missiles, totally destroying the base camp. "You didn't have to do that Shaney." Sighed Locutus. "I know." Replied Shaney. "It made me feel a heck of a lot better though."
Gees, I wouldn't want to get you angry or anything.

You're a bit keen on this Melissa?

I still reckon Shaney's gay though, and I'll prove it.
LOL. Nope, Shaney is definitely not gay.
You know, I invented both Shaney and Melissa and I think it's time they came back to poppa.

Watch your back.
Well I am battling a root kit at the moment so I am in a fighting mood :) As long as Shaney is not gay. You may have invented him but it is my name. As for Melissa she was just a nurse to you. I gave her her personality and name.
OK, OK he won't be gay although I did have a great story line for that and I'll even go a little further than that and I'll explain why the doc thought he was, but you won't like what's about to happen.
We shall see :)
Sorry Shane, won't be long.
"What do you know about Shaney?" asked Bob once the Doctor had gone.

"With the doc's news, much less than I thought. I was convinced he was on our side?"

"Well let me tell you about Shane" said Bob "and it will probably amaze you"

Checking to see that noone was in hearing range and just clicking the lock on the door, Bob started talking.

"Shane has been an MS agent for years, in fact he is one of our top agents. The reason you don't know about him is that he has managed to completely infiltrate the Locutus' group and completely win the Locutus' trust.

I can tell you now that Shaney did not kill the co-pilot of the chopper nor did he attack the captain. He was probably there when it happened and the pilot saw him and associated that with the horror of the moment, but it would have been one of Locutus' goons that actually did it.

And here's another surprise, Melissa is one of our agents as well. Her and Shane have been getting close to destroying the Locutus and his association and, unfortunately, you blundered in here and ruined the entire operation."

Gary went to defend himself but Bob waved him down and continued talking,

"Nobody's blaming you, you had no idea, but when you did arrive and tell them about being followed by the Locutus, Shaney contacted headquarters and we explained to him that you were one of us and that you outranked him but we asked him not to tell you about himself and Melissa, but just to give you all the assistance he could to try to get you out of here so that we could salvage his and Melissa's plans for the end of the Locutus."

"I'm so sorry" said Gary " but once I got within range of the Locutus I wasn't going to let go. Maybe I should have been told."

"That be as it may" Bob continued "but we now have to find a way to bring this to an end."

"I knew he was genuine when he was helping me" mused Gary, half convincing himself that his ability to judge characters hadn't been damaged "I just new it."

"Shaney has a bigger problem" continued Bob " and that is that he has had to create the illusion that he and Melissa are an item so that if ever one of them was caught by the Locutus there would be a genuine reason to talk the Locutus into being kind to the other so that they can both infiltrate the Locutus' trust and, when you're in enemy territory, two is always better than one. That pretence has turned into reality, they are deeply in love."

"But it seems to me that he and the doc have been pretty friendly" said Gary.

"That's his other problem." said Bob "He had to get close to everyone so that he could establish their position, whether they're on our side or assimilated, and the doc has taken it to be real. Shaney doesn't want to upset the doc because he is on our side and a real good man but he has to find a way to let him down easy. He thought that if he and Melissa put on very friendly displays he might get the message but it hasn't happened.

The major problem is that he admitted recently that he was getting tired and was starting to find the whole thing tedious, mainly because he thought that the Locutus was showing signs of being interested in Melissa."

"That could be a problem." said Gary.

"You're telling me" said Bob "If he makes a mistake we could all be in trouble."

"What, are you thinking that he might change sides?" asked Gary, a little concerned.

"I don't think so" said Bob "I'm just saying that, while-so-ever he is concerned about the Locutus taking his girl away, his eye is not on the target. I mean, if the Locutus ever thought that his association with Melissa was any more than just a friendship I don't know what Shaney might do and the big problem is, neither does Shaney."

"What about Melissa?" asked Gary.

"There's more to her than meets the eye" answered Bob, "she has quite a few tricks up her sleeve."

"There couldn't be much more," said Gary remembering his first encounter with her,"and I don't remember any sleeves" he added as his mind raced through their initial meeting when he was wounded and she was there with those beautiful ........

"If that is all", continued Bob bringing Gary back to reality, " I think I'll go and tend to my troops now."

Just then the phone rang and Gary picked it up and, with his hand over the mouthpiece he said "Ok, just remind them that they have the rest of today off but we'll need them ready at 5 in the morning."

"Righto" said Bob as he left.

"Hello" said Gary tuning his concentration to the caller.

Bob had only just got to his room and he was starting to sort his clothes into the drawers when Gary burst into the room, "Bob, we have got work to do and we have very little time to do it" he shouted.

"What's going on?" said Bob.

"It's Shaney, he said they just got back to base and he set off on the pretence that he wanted to see how Melissa was, he found a private place and gave me a quick call. He wants us to abandon the compound because, to demonstrate to the Locutus how faithful he is he is going to completely destroy it, so he said to get all the key personnel out of here and he will get in touch with us if he lives through the attack that is about to happen on the compound. He asked me to tell you to 'Activate Mellissa'???? He said you'd know what that meant."

"I know exactly what he means" said Bob

"Well whatever it is do it now! He said they will be here within the hour."

It was now less than an hour since Shaney had called and they were now far enough away from the compound to be safe but close enough to watch as three of Locutus' helicopters absolutely demolished the ten MS helicopters and then totally destroyed the compound.

'Those poor bastards' said Bob, 'They didn't have a chance. They were just troop carriers not war machines like the Locutus' troops were flying.'

'I offered them the chance to leave before anything happened' he continued, 'but they chose to stay and fight.'

'Without their brave stand we would never have made it out and they knew that' said Gary, 'Having to do that must be very hard for Shaney.'

'That's the part of his job that stinks but, without that sacrifice, Locutus wouldn't be fooled and we need to fool him to be successful.'

While Bob was talking he was setting up an aerial array and attaching it to some sort of control device. He pushed a button and with flashing lights it sprang into life.

'What the hell is all that?' asked Gary still staring at the plumes of smoke that were the only evidence the compound had ever existed and with his thoughts totally absorbed by the tragedy of the loss of life for those young men, he continued, 'I hope it's something that will let us get some sort of revenge on that bastard.'

'Don't worry about revenge' said Bob still checking his setup,' MS already has an enormous fleet of war choppers on it's way. They will be here in the next few minutes and I'm expecting a call from Shaney that will be the icing on the cake.'

'You'd have to be a serious fool to take on the might of an organisation like ours' said Gary with the realisation that Locutus had really stepped in it this time,'There is no way he will be able to compete with the might of commercialism.'

As he spoke hundreds of the very latest war choppers passed overhead, heading for a surprise attack on the Locutus camp. Carrying all the latest gear which would make them invisible to tracking equipment, they woulod soon be in place to rain hell on the Locutus.

When they got back to base the Locutus had sent orders ahead to have the medics ready and on hand to look after Melissa so the ambulance was ready and waiting to rush her to the camp hospital. Shaney insisted on carrying her, even in the ambulance, and as soon as they got to the base hospital he begged the Locutus to sit with her while he just had to get some clean air to clear his head.

Naturally the Locutus agreed and as soon as Shaney cleared the ward he opened his communicator and barked into it.......

'Do it now!' he said 'I cannot guartantee just how long he will be with her, DO IT NOW!'

'Roger that' snapped Bob, 'Get to the rendezvous point quickly the attack will start with the explosion, it's going to be a little scary in there.'

'Don't stuff around, just do it!' snapped back Shaney and Bob hit the button.

At that moment the base hospital exploded with such force that it was completely destroyed. Not one panel or piece of canvas was spared. shaney's impulse was to run back and make sure that the Locutus had been destroyed but he had no time to spare, he had to get to the rendezvous point or suffer the consequences.

As he arrived at the rendezvous point a helicopter plucked him up and over 100 war choppers completely surrounded the camp. The camp members were still in shock at the sound and ferocity of the blast at the hospital and, while they stood there stunned, the MS choppers despatched a number of high impact missiles that completely destroyed all helicopters in the base. Stunned even more by that attack they stood like statues as the commander of the MS fleet spoke over the pa system.


The helicopter that had picked up Shaney had now returned to the new base camp for the MS team and no sooner had Shaney hit the ground then he was running straight to Melissa, 'That clone was so good', he said, 'I nearly didn't have the heart to let Bob blow it up' and they melted into each others arms, completely oblivious to the enormity of the situation around them.
Hmmm, give me some time to chew on this :)
You mess with a super power and you generally get into a super mess.
The Commander of the MS Forces was beginning to lose his patience because the Linux camp could not find a leader.

This had always been one of the biggest problems with Linux. The lack of any real organisation. Take away their local leader and they run around like chooks with their heads cut off. ( Chooks is Aussie slang for Chickens)

'Unfortunately' said the Commander to his 2IC, 'we could find no trace of the Locutus. It seems that we missed something or, miraculously, he has got clean away.'

'How much longer are we going to wait sir?' said the 2IC, 'Half the camp has already volunteered to re-assimilate and have rediscovered the joys of using an OS that has conformity and leadership, but there are still those holding out a faint hope that they will be able to find a leader or that the Locutus will somehow rise like the Phoenix from the dessert.'

'Fools, Linux has never had real leadership and it never will have. Occasionally a strong personality like the Locutus will come to the fore and they'll flock around him like moths to a flame, but too soon the flame dies and they're left to wander aimlessly until the next rogue raises his banner. There's an old saying that exemplifies the Linux problem and its 'Money makes the world go round'. You can't have a bohemian lifestyle and still expect to compete in a commercial world. Linux is nothing more than a haven for every reprobate that has some sort of grievance with MS and will never amount to anything more!'

'Don't be so sure' said Gary who had heard the Commanders answer,'Linux is a powerful language and if ever they harness that power, we'll be in serious trouble.'

Both officers snapped to attention and saluted 'Sorry Sir' said the Commander, 'I didn't see you come in.'

'How is the search for the Locutus going?' asked Gary.

'Well Sir, we have scoured the base and, unless he has some magnificent hiding place, he is not here. We had forensics do a thorough check of what was the hospital and they can find no trace of him there. It would appear he got away sir.'

'Why am I not surprised?' Gary asked himself 'I presume that they haven't been able to find another leader?'

'No Sir'

'Give them one more week and then force all those holding out into the re-assimilation programme and destroy whats left of their armaments and remove this camp from the face of the earth. We need to be concentrating on finding and dealing with the Locutus and this whole thing is just a distraction we can do without.'

'Yes Sir!' snapped the Commander 'One week Sir!'
Ok, ok I can take a hint :)
Don't get too excited, I just thought I'd make sure the creative juices were still flowing.

We are both busy now and, interestingly enough, for basically the same reason so even if you rush in a reply, my follow-up might be a while coming.
Hmmmmm. I did write something but it hasn't appeared. Must be the microsoft servers have filtered me out.
As Locutus watched Shaney exit the medical center he was taken by surprise when a group of orderlies suddenly started bundling him and Melissa off to another room.

"What's going on?" He demanded as he struggled to make sense of the situation. "I'm sorry sir but your friend Shaney has rigged this medical center to explode. If you want to live then you must come with us." Explained one of the orderlies.

"What? Didn't you defuse the explosives then?" Asked Locutus. "Not enough time." Said the orderly. "We only just found out about it and we expect them to be set off any second." Huffed the orderly as they moved at top speed. The gurney holding Melissa rattling along as they pounded down the hallway.

"In here quick!" Urged the orderly as they reached a set of stairs leading down protected by a set of blast doors that could stand a direct nuclear strike. They ran down the stairs pulling Melissa's gurney roughly behind in their haste. As soon as they cleared the doorway the blast doors started to close.

Suddenly there was a loud whooomph! The blast doors slammed shut and buckled slightly as though they were punched with a giant hand. Just before the doors completely sealed a tongue of flame ten meters long reached through and caught a trailing orderly. Screaming in burning agony she collapsed writhing on the floor and took her last shuddering breath before anyone could help her.

"How could Shaney do such a monsterous thing?" A shocked Locutus asked. "I have known him for years. I thought he was one of the most honorable people I have ever met. I can't believe he would do this. Not to me and especially not to Melissa. You, orderly, whats your name and how did you find out about this?"

"Sir!" Replied the orderly. "We had been suspicious about Shaney for some time. Our communications officer recently intercepted a signal coming from near the medical center and ordered an investigation. I am special agent Eastwood. I found the bombs seconds before you arrived. Judging from Shaney's haste to leave I believed that an explosion was imminent. I took what necessary actions needed to save you sir"

"I am glad you did Eastwood. Good job." Commended Locutus. "What about Melissa? I thought Shaney loved her? Is he that cold blooded that he would leave her to die?" "Well sir, what we have here is both Melissa and not Melissa." Eastwood started explaining. "Using our copying technology and claiming it as their own, Gary's superiors made a clone of Melissa to act as a decoy if needed. In every respect she is exactly the same as the original Melissa with the exception of having no memories since the DNA samples were taken.

"Well we can't stand here jawing all day." Decided Locutus. "I assume that Gay Deceiver is waiting at the other end of this tunnel? Lets board her, head back to prime headquarters, see what we can do for Melissa number two and formulate a plan to save what is left of our people. When will they ever realise that blowing up a medical center is way outside the Geneva convention. They have crossed a line this time and their days are numbered."

Reaching the end of the tunnel they found Gay Deceiver as Locutus thought. After they had all boarded, Gay Deceiver winked out of existence and all that could be seen was the blank face of the tunnel end.
You know what, we agree with you and we are going to do something about it.
It is interesting how you see it differently to what I think I'm writing.

The Melissa clone was the bomb.
Plenty of times I had a storyline in mind and you came along and changed it :)
Ah! It doesn't matter. These twists are what makes it interesting. I hope I won't be too long. I am looking forward to continuing with what I have in mind.
'Well, that is really a sad ending to a great career' said Bob as he and Gary exited the rooms where the court martial was heard.

'It's unfortunate' answered Gary, 'But what could he expect? Just because the Locutus let him destroy our hospital without once checking who might be in there and then not even criticising him for it doesn't mean that we will let him get away with that. There is an unwritten law about the sanctity and safety of any building or vehicle under the red cross that can obviously be ignored if you are in the penguins world but we will not stand for it. He's lucky he got off so lightly, a couple of years in prison and then a lifetime with Melissa? I could handle that.'

'Speaking of Melissa' said Bob, 'We've had intelligence from the Locutus' camp that he got away in the Gay Deceiver and that they took the Melissa clone with them?'

'They what?' said Gary, very surprised, 'Why would they take the bomb out of her chest cavity and then take the clone? That is weird. Maybe they think it's one of those clone things that they make. Oh well, to each his own. Just so long as he remembers to check her water and oil it should last a couple of months before the power runs out and she starts to self destruct.'

'Ok!' he continued in a more serious tone, 'Close down the Locutus' camp. Destroy any equipment that we can't use and put all those that are still holding out through the re-assimilation course whether they want it or not, poor devils.'

'Get a hold of the person that broke the news about where the Locutus had gone and see what else he may be able to offer, maintain the large squadron of war equipment that we have now got and get our scouts and spies active, I want to know where the Locutus is within the week and I want him re-assimilated by no later then next month.'

'Right away', said Bob,'By the way, Melissa wants to see you, she says she has some information that may be of help'

'Ok' said Gary, 'Let her in and lets wrap this thing up.'
'You wanted to see me?' said Bob as he entered Gary's office.

'Yes, Melissa has assured me that Shaney's court martial and sentence will not change her desire to destroy the Locutus and everything he stands for but she has given me cause for concern and something for us to have to plan for because there could be huge security problems if we don't.'

'Good heavens', said Bob, 'That's all we need, another problem.'

'Melissa had heard about the Locutus saving the clone and she is really worried. According to her, they have the technology to turn our, basically, mechanical clone into one of their humanoid things and no-one, without penguin knowledge will be able to tell the difference between it and her. Can you imagine the security risk that poses?'

'Your joking!' said Bob.

'No' said Gary, 'If I were joking I'd have said what do you do with an Elephant with three balls?'

'Well what are we going to do?' asked Bob.

'First of all, it is even more vital that we find the Locutus soon. We need to get to him before he has a chance to do anything with the clone. We need to find every business and every person that is associated with the penguin because it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he will have the clone changed at some remote location. This is the number one priority.'

'What if they get it converted before we find them? How will we ensure security then?'

'Melissa has come up with a foolproof method of finding and destroying the clone once it comes into contact with one of our inner circle but, as the Locutus has so many spies and they are everywhere, we can't possibly tell everyone about it so, until the clone does come in contact with one of our trusted personnel there's no way of knowing what havoc it could cause. Remember Melissa is a known and trusted officer in our group. This clone could cause unbelievable chaos.'

'One more thing, there is a special bonus to any soldier of any rank that can claim to have destroyed the Gay Deceiver. That thing has got the Locutus out of trouble too many times, it must be destroyed.'

'So here are your priorities' said Gary.

'One. Find and capture the Locutus.
Two. Find and destroy the Melissa clone.
Three, Find and destroy the Gay Deceiver.
Do you have any questions?'

'Yes', said Bob, 'What do you do with an Elephant with three balls?'

'Walk him and pitch to the Rhino' said Gary.
How's your programme going?
@Gary it is going a line at a time :) Life has the annoying habit of getting in the way and not understanding why I am not making more progress. sed -e "s/^L/W/" for that last sentence :)
I know exactly what you mean. I thought I had my programme ready last August so I stopped working for other people to concentrate on polishing what I thought was a finished product and I'm still not satisfied that it's right.

You'll get there. Just stay with it.
Dang it, Locutus. You keep drawing me back in every time I need to get some work done. :)

When this post caught my eye, I was just thinking about how home computer users like thier glitzy doodads and chrome, but all most business users really want is a simple, and speedy system that just works. They don't really want or need all of the eye candy. I see so many business users express frustration because things have become way too complex.

Somewhere along the way, the hardware/software makers just got out of control with all of the glitz and complexity. So much of the hardware is just wasted cycles. I personally prefer a system that's tweaked to run fast and doesn't make me wait.

I think the next big thing that will change the desktop computing paradigm is someone (Ubuntu?) is going to make and market a business desktop and provide paid support for it. Let them take the puppy home for a month and then ask them if they want to return it. My guess is once they get a taste of trouble free computing with no risk involved, the businesses will flock to it. I think the only ingredient that's missing is the marketing $$$.
You have been assimilated Packet_Trap :)

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