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I Know It's Wrong

My husband and I have been married a little over 3 years, together for 5. I put up with a lot for him, he was very immature when we started dating, but we had been friends for a year before we dated, so I thought he would grow up. He would drink a lot and him and his brother were addicted to pain pills for a lot, which I over looked and before we got married he stopped abusing drugs. He always made me feel that I wasn't good enough, that no one else would want me, sometimes I'm not sure why I married him. I had gained some weight after some stressful times and he would tell me I needed to lose weight and exercise and why was I eating this and that. He would always comment on other girls and make me feel horrible about myself. I made a change in my life and lost a good deal of weight and got healthy, but he would always still act like it wasn't good enough, my stomach wasn't flat enough or something like that. He is also very selfish, it's his way or no way and he is very much the wife needs to cook and clean and feed me sort of guy.

We bought a house in february, he was always complaining he was in a bad mood because he was bored, and if he had yard work and things to do he would be much happier. We bought a house in the country on an acre because that's what he wanted, I would have been much happier in a neighborhood, but I liked the house itself, so compromised and moved out further. He rarely does anything around the house or yard work since we moved in.

3 weeks after we moved in we had some septic issues and had to call the investment company who sold us the house, they sent some plumbers over to look at it and fix the issue. It took 2 days to fix, and I had to handle everything as usual, while my husband went fishing with his friends after work. I became close with one of the guys who worked on my house and we got along well. He called me the next day after they finished the work to make sure everything was ok and they wound up calling me back later and asking if I would like to join him for lunch the following day. I said yes, even though I know I should have said no, because I found him attractive and he had told me he found me attractive, we went to lunch and he kissed me. Well, that's where it all started, me and the plumber began hanging out at least once a week of course one thing led to another. A month after my husband found out by grabbing my phone and seeing a text between me and a girlfiend who knew about the other guy. Of course it all went down hill from there, the arguing and fighting. Yet, he said he still wanted to be with me.

The plumber guy and I stayed friends, but stopped seeing each other for a good three weeks, until we started hanging out again. It's been 5 months now and we are till sneaking around almost once a week, I know it's awful, and I should stay away from him, but for some reason I can't. I told my husband I wanted a divorce several times, but he kept begging me to try to work things out. We went to counseling and it didn't help. Now, I think he is actually taking me seriously and has talked about moving back home to be with family.

Instead of being happy though, I am miserable. I don't love my husband, yet the "other" guy can be very wishy washy, the worst part is, he's married too and unhappy. So basically I get his attention when he has time for me or decides to make time for me, the sad thing is I'm crazy about him, even though sometimes when we have plans he has to cancel them because of his wife, I know it's wrong, I shouldn't want to be with someone who isn't available. He told me we should run away together, but I don't know if it's because he really wants to be with me or he's just fed up with his wife and his life. I know I need to ditch them both, get a divorce and tell the other guy to stop calling me, I have tried to stop seeing him before, but he always some how knows just what to say to make me come back, now I'm trapped.
oceangirl08 oceangirl08 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 1, 2012

Your Response


Once you start making good, strong choices for yourself you'll love the empowering feeling that comes over you. Keep saying no to the plumber and you'll soon see that, actually, absence does not always make the heart grow fonder ... and that's the way you want it. If he's serious about you he'll step and out of his situation at home and, openly, make you his priority.<br />
I've went through this heartache when I was about the same age as you. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.

Get away girl...the plumber has let you know there is passion for you! Go for a soulmate that will respect you and make you blossom and let you enjoy the passion! The plumber sounds like he wants to control too...don't let him do it!!! I hope you find your special one like I have, Good luck baby! :-) dc

oh boy this is complicated situation that you have your self in .... I would suggest to get rid both of them and start fresh. The plumber guy might be just saying that he will leave his wife for you and when it comes to it he will not. be careful my friend things are not always how it seems to be. I'm here if you need to talk

The crazy thing is, my husband and i have now seperated, and i tried to seperate from the plumber, yet now he calls me all the time and gets jeleous if I talk to any other guy, if it's not one thing it's another, ugh...

well you are a free agent and you don't belong to him the plumber and nor to your husband. Something that I learn jealousy is a red flag as this is what an abuser uses to control someone... please keep that in mind.. I was in a support group for the last 8 weeks learning the red flags in a relationship so I don't fall into the same trap as that I just got out of.

I finance contractors.<br />
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Sorry to hear about your story. Only a creep will ask another man's wife out to lunch...he has no values whatsover. It has happened to my wife with contractors and home improvement workers, in fact she even dresses sexy when they come to get the price down. Contractors feel a sense of power when they go to a home and the woman isn't familiar with the language he is using when describing the they make it seem it an expensive job but they will give you a break beacuse you are such a nice pretty they got you hooked and they'll do an few extra handy man deals for free if you are married to a man who doesn't like to fix up the house and do projects. I know because I am friends with plumbers/carpenters and they love to hit on married women. They know that they don't have to take them out on dates and spend money on them because the women can't be seen in public. They have multiple women and always arrange estimates when the husband isn't home. Then they will have the husband call them at night. <br />
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They look at pictures on the living room to see if the man is strong or weak...By doing a walkthrough on your house, they can tell how much money your husband makes, how old he is, how much he weighs, if he owns a gun, if he's a drunk (cheap beer in the fridge means he drinks a lot...and look in recycling bins for bottles and cans of hard liquor). <br />
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I am lucky, my wife has a rule for men, they must have white teeth, not yellow or stained....they must not have nose hair and they have to have clean fingernails after they use her bathroom. So far, I haven't had to worry but I did get a free water heater thanks to her daisy dukes.<br />
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As for the drinking, when your husband is addicted to are the other woman and the bottle is his wife. His money, time, body and heart will go to the bottle..and he will chose the bottle everytime....Perhaps at times he will have a ********* with you and the bottle but the next day, he will choose the bottle. He will spend a day relaxing recouperating from his night with bottle and will store up energy for his plans with the bottle at night. He will fish, play softball, and join organizations...all centered around drinking.....Fishermen always have a cooler of beer on the boat or shore, softball teams all drink afterwards and the ELKS, American Legion all have bars. <br />
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I finance contractors and this is how I know. You picture is so beautiful and I hope that I awakened you to something. Good Luck

Thank you for your comments, I know I am not the plumbers first, he is way too smooth with things, but won't let me go because he told me how hot he thinks I am and we do get along well and of course he gets his cake and gets to eat it too, because he gets to mess around with me and then go home to his family.

Thank you for your comment on my picture, very sweet of you. I know like I said I should drop them both, I want to find a man who actually wants to be with me, not just sleep with me.