My amazing wonderful dad passed away yesterday :-(

(11 Posts)
magnolia74 Thu 15-Nov-12 13:12:45

I just feel numb sad
We knew it was coming, the cancer was terminal but he had fought so hard for so long.
I'm in auto drive mode with arrangements etc... Don't want to leave my mum on her own.... This is her soul mate she has lost sad
I have 5 children and luckily dh as been amazing but I feel guilty for leaving them and then guilty for leaving mum to come and see the kids.
As they eldest of 4 it just seems to fall to me to do it all. Dad asked me to make sure she was ok and I will but I just need to hide away for a bit.
I have a reflexology client tomorrow that I can't really cancel and feel bad for working blush
Will probably only get on mumsnet infrequently for a while too....

BumpInTheNightFuglies Thu 15-Nov-12 13:16:38

So sorry Magnolia, I know how you feel. It was all down to me too when my Dad passed away. Don't feel guilty for working. Just remember to try to find some time for yourself. Can you delegate some responsibility to your siblings?


roguepixie Thu 15-Nov-12 13:21:56

Sorry for your loss magnolia. It is hard to know what to do at a time like this and every decision probably feels like the wrong one. Try to take it slowly. Make time for yourself as well. Don't beat yourself up for coming home - you don't know, but your Mum may want some time alone too?

Remember you Dad with love and fondness. Remember the fun, good times and smile when you think of him. It is so so hard, I know, but he is with you always - in your heart and your mind.

<<<sending you hugs>>>

FossilMum Thu 15-Nov-12 13:25:49

I'm so sorry, magnolia74; it must be awful dealing with the numbness, the pain, the arrangements, and also worrying about looking after work/children all at once. My deepest sympathies on your loss thanks

Flimflammery Thu 15-Nov-12 13:32:07

I'm so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you could cancel the reflexology appointment (I'm sure they would understand if you've very recently been bereaved) and take that hour or so to go for a walk by yourself. I know what it's like getting through all the arrangements and looking after other people. You will need some time for yourself to grieve at some point. It's such a deep pain, the loss of a parent.

Everlong Thu 15-Nov-12 14:06:14

I'm so sorry magnolia your poor dad sad

Don't stretch yourself too thin. Just do what you can.

WheatenFarlo Thu 15-Nov-12 14:17:11

Really sorry about your Dad. Just try to remember that anyone who loves you would want the best for you too, your Dad surely wouldn't want you to feel all this guilt and nor should anyone else. All you can do is balance all the different tasks pulling you in different directions as best you can and be at peace with that. As the person who has ended up most responsible for sorting things, you may be feeling like it is up to you to 'fix' this fot everyone, but in this kind of situation, everyone is grieving, everyone is a bit broken, you can't make it perfect and you're not supposed to. As long as everyone knows you love them and your Dad gets a send off that suits his personality and beliefs as best you can without pushing yourself too hard, you have done enough. Can you organise your sisters into a rota to make sure your Mum has enough company without you being spread too thin? This is your Dad too and you need time to grieve as much as everyone else. Unmumsnetty hugs to you ((((hugs)))).

magnolia74 Thu 15-Nov-12 22:34:27

The worse thing is I drink and don't get drunk.... How bloody shit is that!!!

WheatenFarlo Fri 16-Nov-12 21:56:45

I hope you got through the day OK magnolia.

Damash12 Fri 23-Nov-12 03:56:33

Hi magnolia, I'm sure you won't be fine but I'll ask how you are anyway. My mum died May 2010 after a 2 year battle with bowel cancer. I have a four year old son whom the adored and I still think got her through that 2 year period. So I can relate to what you are feeling now to some degree. The first fee weeks I was busy with the funeral arrangements and carried a sense of shock around with me. I couldn't believe she had gone but was relieved the pain had ended and had been preparing for it for so long but it still came as a shock. I now believe grief to be one of the most undervalued serious emotions you can have. The impact is incredible and you are supposed to know what to do as people for every day but you don't know.
I got some great books from the library on grief and had some counselling, I felt worse after the newness had worn away and the "firsts" are hard. 18 months on I have healed to a certain degree and can now think of my mum without being distraught.
Please feel free to message me if you want to ask me anything. Good luck and know they are still around for you x

Damash12 Fri 23-Nov-12 03:58:03

Meant to say people die every day not for every day. Apologies for word errors, not great on iPhone typing.

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