The Hard Sell: Sainsbury's

Sainsbury's 'Feed your family for a Fiver' TV adverts

Jamie, is this supposed to be some sort of joke? I mean, Jesus! You can't just waltz into people's homes and start telling them what to cook and how to cook it! What are you, some kind of fascist? What you're doing in these ads is just ... just. .. frigging mad! Pouncing on unsuspecting housewives in the aisles of Sainsbury's and telling them you can feed their families for under a fiver? What? Why?! How do you even know they're skint? Have you become so rich and famous that you assume anyone in a supermarket is a peasant on the verge of starvation? "Oh dear, love: blown all your family allowance on fags and bingo again have you? Never mind, I'll knock you up a nice courgette carbonara for £4.50, you poor cow. That should keep you going for another couple of days."

Next thing we know you're clambering into her car, trying it on with her GRANNY, then waltzing back to her house and mucking about with her pots and pans! Her husband looks speechless. You're lucky he doesn't knock you out. I'll tell you what: if you tipped up round mine like that, holding my wife's hand, squeezing my nan's arse and boasting about your stupid aubergine kebabs or whatever the hell it was you proposed to cook in my kitchen, I'd fill your face in. What next you crazy fool? Climbing through people's windows, having a kip in their spare rooms and borrowing their best DVDs without asking? Then weeing all over their telly while lecturing them about the importance of locally sourced veg before naffing off home to Jules, laughing your mental head off? Get a grip: you're scaring us.