Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with academia Questions tagged with 'academia' at Ask MetaFilter. Mon, 30 Jun 2014 14:11:53 -0800 Mon, 30 Jun 2014 14:11:53 -0800 en-us 60 how can I kindly reject PhD students? I have just begun as an assistant professor in the humanities at a prestigious university, and I am getting more emails from prospective PhD candidates than I can handle, gracefully or otherwise. I am presently a total n00b (read: incompetent at my job) and can't realistically take more than one a year. But I have no idea how to deal with these emails. Any suggestions on how to handle them, from anyone in similar but wiser positions? Agonized details below. On a semi-weekly basis I am beginning to get emails from students from all over the world asking, pleading, demanding, that I look at their PhD research proposals and consider working with them. I do look at the proposals, and I really don't like being mean. I'm young enough that I remember grad school neurosis, and I don't want to contribute more to it than I can help. My university has a very good, neutral admissions system which every candidate, regardless of all these direct email approaches, must go through. But I still feel obliged to give these emails a response of some kind. There've been for me two separate problems of response, and I'd really love advice on either/both.<br> <br> <strong>Response type #1 - Maybe:</strong> I have fewer problems with proposals I think are good and promising, but there the problem is how to encourage them to apply without appearing to promise that I will work with them, since I technically can't promise that. How can I do this? <br> <br> <strong>Response type #2 - No Way in Hell:</strong> For proposals that I don't think are good, how do I craft a kind response that essentially says "Hmm, interesting (even if not really), but no"? Mostly I don't think many of them are up to snuff (some are outright terrible) or else are not really in my area of expertise (which is Small and Puny, and I would feel wrong attempting to supervise them). What should this response be? Ignore them? (Not an option for me, I think that's mean) Write a curt rejection without explanation? (also seems awful). Try to explain to them why I don't want to work with them? (also awful and time-consuming, and in my brief experience with taking this route, demoralizing for them and agonizing for me) Palm them off on someone else in the department knowing that said colleague also wouldn't take them? (kind of mean, and it's been done to me by other colleagues, and it has sometimes happened that I'm at the end of this chain) Palm them off on someone else in the field, at another university? (what if I think the proposal is so awful that it would be embarrassing to "recommend" them to a colleague I respect? also this doesn't work if the candidate has specified that they want to be at my university). Secret options X Y and Z that I don't know about??<br> <br> I would really appreciate specific sentence-phrasing suggestions. Also, should I be devising email response templates? I'm just getting so many of these that the thought of writing personalized emails for each and every one of them fills me with timesuck dread...<br> <br> Basically, I'm encountering a situation where I've just newly crossed over from the supplicant side of the fence to the gatekeeper side of it, and I don't know how to assume this new role gracefully. I would appreciate all and any advice! Many thanks in advance!,2014:site.264440 Mon, 30 Jun 2014 14:11:53 -0800 starcrust Twitter feeds from academic departments/programs. I'm looking for examples of high-quality (official) Twitter feeds from academic departments/programs that are particularly informative (either to students or non-students, ideally both). I'm especially interested in departments or programs in healthcare/medical science-related fields, but all suggestions are welcome.,2014:site.264043 Mon, 23 Jun 2014 12:28:24 -0800 Ufez Jones Leaving Academia, but Sticking it Out for the Degree Assuming nothing goes catastrophically wrong (which might not be a good assumption to make, unfortunately), I should be getting a PhD in about 18 months. I'm about 90% sure that I don't want to stay in academia. What steps can I start taking now to have a smoother career change? For various reasons that aren't really relevant here, I'm disenchanted with academia and don't think continuing in it is a viable option, <em>but</em> I like my research well enough and my adviser and I agree that I could finish in 12-18 months. I've kind of flirted with burnout ever since quals (two years ago) but I feel reasonably confident that I have the fortitude to see the project through, and I'd like to.<br> <br> Being less than two years out from graduation also means that I have to start thinking about what comes next, and while I have a pretty good idea what that would entail if I wanted to continue in academia (post-doc --&gt; tenure-track --&gt; bullying and exploiting the next generation of scientists), I don't really know what it looks like to get into a different career.<br> <br> I think I'd be most interested in something related to science policy/advocacy, but I'd also be open to science/technical writing, or even something that is more technical/hands-on, but outside of the academic world. I'm a pretty strong writer, and my particular research experience is heavy on transferable mechanical/electrical/electronic troubleshooting, and I do enjoy that aspect of it. Don't have the right personality for sales. My dream job, at this moment, would probably be something like working for <a href="">CRS</a>--sifting through large amounts of scientific news/developments and analyzing them and (ideally) being able to contribute to more informed policy sounds actually like the greatest job ever, but they don't seem to get very frequent openings in their science division, so I'm not counting on that.<br> <br> Obviously this question is at least in part "what kind of jobs should I look for", but I'd also really particularly like to know what kind of things I can do in the next year, under the constraints of being in the last stretch of grad school (i.e., "take off 3 months to do this internship across the country" is not really a viable suggestion, "start making contacts/saving money to get into this program after graduation" is. I'm not against going back to school for a MPA/JD/other degree <em>eventually</em>, but I'd want to work for a few years first), to move into a non-academic career. I'm particularly keen on input on how to get into technical writing or policy analysis, as I have a (slightly) better grip on how to move into academic-support or industry positions.,2014:site.263914 Fri, 20 Jun 2014 10:38:40 -0800 Anonymous What to expect at a university comms/marketing position? I've been hired to be the Director of Marketing for a humanities faculty at a small but prestigious North American university. I've spent the last nine years at a mid-sized national ad agency. I start in two weeks. What should I expect in my new position? The position is new -- until now, it's been the dean handling all comms, and they're very keen and excited to have somebody coming on board to handle it. The job description was (and is) quite broad; the Faculty has never had anyone to manage their "brand", engage in any sort of social media, or help them in achieving consistency in communications, etc. It's a mix of broad strategic thinking and day-to-day writing work like press releases, communiqués, presentations, etc. <br> <br> I'm super excited about it, both as a significant step up for me careerwise and a chance to spread my wings after being in a creatively fulfilling but ultimately subordinate role at my agency. <br> <br> What I do <strong>not</strong> feel entirely ready for is the... <em>tonal?</em> shift that this might entail. My current agency specializes in fairly technical subjects, like pharma, animal health, and B2B work for raw goods companies, so I'm a bit accustomed to marketing projects that are a little more stoic and glacial than, say, fast-food advertising. <br> <br> But it's still a very fast-paced, short-deadline, <em>exciting</em> environment that's largely free of politics and interpersonal drama (it's a great agency). One university colleague of mine, when I mentioned the posting, gave me an eye-roll and said "get ready for politics." <br> <br> If there are MeFites out there who work in institutional marketing, especially ones that have transferred from for-profit agency life, what's it... <em>like</em>? I know YMMV and many things are situational, but I'm looking for things to brace myself for. Red tape. In-fighting. Territorial issues with the main university communications team. Perpetual approval processes.<br> <br> I just want to set myself up to have some ideas of what to watch out for, or push back against in the early days, if there are general pitfalls in this kind of institutional work that I could get mired in if I'm not a little wary.,2014:site.263649 Mon, 16 Jun 2014 08:54:02 -0800 Shepherd Turns of phrase for thesis defense. Help! Defending my thesis next week and need help with turns of phrase to kick off complicated answers to difficult questions. Have flopped in conferences past. I will be sitting my PhD viva (defense in England) next week in a humanities field, and while practicing my answers and framing my project, I’m having trouble coming up with phrases to start off with. My strength is my writing, and I tend to flop at conferences and such when asked really tough questions. I know I need to take a second and compose myself and really think about the question before responding, and I’m practicing this (pausing, taking a breath). I’m looking for academic turns of phrases that can segue me into answering the question in lieu of just blurting out the answer, which is what I tend to do when I am nervous, and I always regret it afterwards. I think in addition to what are sure to be difficult questions, I’m most scared of sounding really ineloquent. I’d love some suggestions on ways of responding to situations such as: <br> <br> -I genuinely don’t have an answer to their question other than it will require further research, and I thank them for pointing this out.<br> <br> -I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer their question, but I’ll give it a “go”… as in I’ll speculate based upon what I know.<br> <br> -What do you say when a question pops up that blows you completely sideways? As in, they propose a new way of looking at things that you hadn’t considered before?<br> <br> -I disagree with what they have said, or they seem to have read me wrong. I want to argue with their point and say: “actually, what I wrote was…”<br> <br> -One of my examiners is all over my thesis! What is a way of saying that I owe so much to his work? In my thesis I have written “indebted”… is there another way of framing this?<br> <br> -If a critique comes up that I agree with, I want to be able to say “yes, you’re absolutely right, I’ve been mistaken”, is there a better way of phrasing this?<br> <br> -Any other ways of saying “that’s a great question”?<br> <br> <br> Any suggestions, advice, tips and tricks, is greatly appreciated! I'd be so grateful for any turns of phrase, they don't have to relate to the scenarios I presented. Thanks so much!,2014:site.262569 Tue, 27 May 2014 09:58:14 -0800 hollypolly Starting a software company, as an academic I am an academic about to get tenure, but I'm thinking about an alternative career trajectory. In particular, I have an idea for software that (I believe) could be revolutionary, related to my field of study. I'm thinking of quitting my job to pursue this. I would like to possibly start a company to make this software happen. I am a programmer, but not a professional programmer and I am not a professional designer. I would need help realizing this goal. Some possibly relevant information: My wife and I are Americans. My wife works in the UK, I work in the EU. If I were to quit, I'd move to the UK. I have about $100K saved up. I have no debt.<br> <br> Here are some questions:<br> 1. How does one get explore funding for this sort of thing?<br> 2. How long does a startup process take, and what steps are there?<br> 3. What complications are there of starting such a business in the UK?<br> 4. Would I have any difficulties as an American national in the UK?<br> 5. What should I consider when thinking about software patents?<br> 6. Is this something I could pursue and keep my academic job, without my university having an intellectual property claim over the software?<br> <br> Also, any general resources for prospective software entrepreneurs would be appreciated.,2014:site.262437 Sat, 24 May 2014 13:20:44 -0800 Anonymous What to expect as part of a university hiring committee My anthro department will hire a new PhD student and invited me to be on the committee as I am a potential supervisor for this individual. But as a relatively new prof myself, I am not sure how these things work. What tips can you suggest to help me seem like I know what I am doing? In our first meeting, tomorrow morning, we (ie a hiring committee, of which I am a part) will review the applications and make a first selection. Then, I guess we will organize some interviews. Tips? Ideas? Personal experiences?,2014:site.261745 Sun, 11 May 2014 23:19:31 -0800 mateuslee Academic Job Dilemma: My PI screwing me over? I have a staff position in academic research. I received a verbal job offer two and a half weeks ago for a higher position in a different lab, and I gave notice to my current PI (my boss) immediately. I haven't gotten the official job offer yet, and I think my PI might cause me to lose the offer... Also, I'm kind of just freaked out in general and need some fresh eyes. Am I freaking over nothing, or is trouble brewing here? Two and a half weeks ago, I received a very explicit verbal job offer from new PI (i.e. he literally said "I am offering you this job" and I said "I accept!"). A few days after that, via email, he told me that he had been in contact with HR and spoke about salary and everything. He said that HR needed to check on some things about salary (to see what it would be since I am transitioning within the university) and that they would have to get back to him before he could give an official offer letter. He was also not sure of when his current staff person was leaving so he could not tell me when he would need me to start, though it would probably would be mid-June ish. This convo last up until two weeks ago. Two Fridays ago, I sent him an email asking him if he had an end date from his staff person, and he responded the same day that he would check in with her. That's the last we communicated.<br> <br> My current PI does not want to accept anything less than 10 weeks notice for my leaving the lab. The reasoning for this is completely his fault, as he failed to hire additional staff (despite many, many reminders that it was necessary to do so) after my TWO former colleagues left one after the other a year and a half ago, leaving me to do the job of three people by myself since (basically) July 2012. I would like to give something more like 6 weeks; I gave notice on the April 26th and would like to start either June 9th or 16th. HOWEVER, without a start date from new PI, I cannot really give current PI a hard date. We are actually hiring someone who will be starting this month, so I'm not screwing him over with these dates at all. I HAVE made it clear to both of them that 10 weeks would not work, mind you, and that I would not let this get in the way of the new job.<br> <br> I ALSO KNOW that my current and new PIs have communicated about my "transition" to the new PI's lab, and knowing that my current PI doesn't want me leaving until at least July, I'm wondering if current PI communicated this to new PI and if it's turned the deal sour for me. Current PI is tenured and full professor and new PI is associate and (I think) still trying to get tenure, so the situation is very delicate and my current PI is powerful in the department. Despite the fact that I'd like to have control over my own work life, including when I can leave my job, it's become clear that I do not! I've also heard that revoking a verbal job offer in academia is virtually unheard of in academia. I'm at a loss as to what's going on. I can't imagine why new PI would take so long giving me an end date for his current staff person, or how the current staff person wouldn't know this information. I'm suspicious that I'm getting pushed off... MEEP!<br> <br> I would be devastated if my boss screwed me over here, as this is a dream job for me and a step in the right direction in so many ways. I need his recommendation for basically anything I do form here on out (most likely, anyway), but I am not staying in my current lab even if this new job falls through. I'm currently over-worked and my health is not doing so well because of it, and this job is no longer benefitting me at all. Tomorrow, I plan to drop a line to new PI to check in again (too soon?) to see if I can come to his lab meetings (or if there's anything else I can do) and also see if he has an end date. Is this timeframe or even this situation normal? Am I freaking out over nothing, or do you think I have a problem? <br> <br> And a panic question: is this even legal? Would I have grounds for some kind of case against my current PI for screwing up this job opportunity by essentially intimidating/bullying my "new" PI into not hiring me? This new job is important to me and my future career. Needless to say, I'm anxious and emotional about it. <br> <br> Anything you can offer is helpful, and I'm happy to answer questions. Thanks!,2014:site.261743 Sun, 11 May 2014 22:48:10 -0800 your mom's a sock puppet "Peer" Review I have a very strong amateur interest in a niche subject (the history of computational labor processes). I think have a somewhat novel idea for research that builds on ideas that seem to be gaining currency in journals like <a href="">Technology and Culture</a>. I'm not an academic, and have very little academic background. What should I know if I decide to prepare an article for submission to a peer reviewed journal for the first time? The only reason I don't write up my thoughts in a blog post is that I'd like to be part of the academic debate, and get feedback from acknowledged authorities. At the same time, I don't want to waste anyone else's time.<br> <br> Are there writing standards I should adhere to that may not be obvious from reading journals in the field? Any suggested guides?<br> <br> Finally: would it be beyond the pale to email an academic whose work would be cited with a short (several hundred word) description of the project to ask whether it was worth pursuing?,2014:site.261053 Mon, 28 Apr 2014 16:22:55 -0800 wobdev Left wing copyright, intellectual copyright scholars? Who are the most well known academics in the field of intellectual property, and especially copyright law? Especially academics active in the last 5-10 years? The more radical, the better. I've been looking for left of center legal academics, but not finding much. I'm familiar with Chris Sprigman, Mark F. Schultz, Jonathan Barnett, and a few others who have been writing about fields where there is little protection for intellectual property but still have high production rates (fashion, stand-up comedy, etc.). Their work leans left by and large, at least as far as legal IP academia goes.<br> <br> But what I haven't found, is much in the way of "tear this system down, reduce copyright on books and TV, who cares if it destroys the record companies". Is there just no one in academia making these arguments? Or just not in academic journals?,2014:site.260714 Tue, 22 Apr 2014 11:32:34 -0800 skewed Leaning...backward? Better lifestyle, not-better job? We'd like to move to another city for family reasons, but it will likely require a step back for me career-wise. I'd like to hear about how that worked out for other people. Can you help me get excited about it? I work in a quasi-academic field and have been reasonably happy and pretty successful at my job. The majority of my job is managerial/administrative at this point, but I also have an academic appointment and spend part of my time teaching graduate students, which I enjoy a lot. I also do some scholarly work, although the projects are small and largely specific to the institution (something like curriculum evaluation). I don’t have supported time for teaching and research at the moment, but they are possible due to my current role, which means my schedule is relatively flexible and I can make time for lectures and research-related meetings during the day as long as my other work gets done. <br> <br> We live in an expensive city. My spouse and I have been thinking about relocating back to Spouse’s home city, and I’ve done some preliminary job searching and identified a couple of possible jobs. It is very likely that I will be offered at least one of these jobs should I want to pursue it. Spouse would likely continue working for their current employer and telecommute. We have young kids. I provide about 70% of our income. <br> <br> The pros:<br> -I would make the same or slightly less money than I do now, which would effectively be a raise given the substantial cost of living difference between the two cities. <br> -Spouse's family (who I like) and some friends would be local.<br> -Good public schools<br> -Much shorter commute would mean more time with kids<br> -There would probably be eventual avenues for promotion after a few years in the new job.<br> <br> <br> The cons:<br> -There are only a couple of potential employers for me in spouse’s home city, and it’s looking like making the move will require some loss of seniority on my part. I would basically be going back to the first job I had after finishing my graduate work six years ago. <br> <br> -With that would come a substantial increase in time spent doing a particular key function that is OK but not really something I love doing. Also a lot less schedule flexibility and thus less time to teach and do research, which will be necessary for academic promotion. <br> <br> -I would need to start over with building a professional network, and the more rigid schedule would make it difficult to get involved in research or teaching. I think I would also be at a disadvantage for academic promotion because a lot of my accomplishments thus far are specific to my current institution and, while my current employer appreciates them and they would "count" toward promotion requirements, they may not be as interesting to a new place. I feel like I’ve just gotten to the point where those things are going well for me, and I’m not sure I have the energy to do it all over again. <br> <br> -I started graduate school in my late 20s and so part of me feels like I’d be even further behind where I “should” be (currently in my early 40s).<br> <br> I feel like making the move is probably the right thing to do for my family, but I’m having a tough time getting excited about it. I can’t decide how much is just being comfortable in my current role and how much is genuine lack of enthusiasm about the available jobs. On the other hand, it will only get harder to go back to an entry-level job, so maybe I should just bite the bullet. <br> <br> I feel like there are a lot of relocation questions on Metafilter but that most people move for lateral positions or promotions. I’d love to hear from people who have taken a step backward in their careers in exchange for lifestyle even though they're ambitious, or who have decided against doing that.,2014:site.260498 Thu, 17 Apr 2014 18:28:19 -0800 Anonymous Journal paper, conference paper, book chapter [academic-filter] Let's say I've done some snazzy research from which I want to produce two journal papers, a conference paper and a book chapter. How different should the conference paper and book chapter be from the journal papers? Is there an order in which I should publish them? I'm in the UK, publishing internationally, in an interdisciplinary field.,2014:site.260404 Wed, 16 Apr 2014 05:26:05 -0800 hannahlambda Rebranding or repairing a broken PhD student This seems to be a week for academia-related questions. I am an ABD student in the humanities at a prestigious university. The job prospects in my field are grim, and they are grimmer still for me because I have not performed well in my program. My history is one of late papers, lingering incompletes, delayed time to qualifying exams, and poor rapport with faculty. I am in the beginning stages of writing a dissertation that I know will serve me no real purpose. So what do I do now? I think that if I could bring myself to work diligently, I could finish my dissertation in 1 year, but I don't know where to go from here. Do I struggle through a dissertation that, while somewhat interesting to me, is not motivational in itself? The only carrot at the end of this stick is a relatively useless PhD. My prospects for an academic position are truly nil. On the other hand, I feel like if I could just make myself finish it, I'd at least have the degree, and not the less-than-nothing of an upcoming 30th birthday with no real-world work experience. <br> <br> I wish I had taken the crippling anxiety that has been at the root of my poor graduate school performance for what it was: a neon sign telling me to change course immediately. But I didn't, and now I've sunk 6+ years into a masochistic exercise fueled by pride and stubbornness. <br> <br> I thought about trying something else entirely, even going so far as to research other interesting graduate programs in practical fields, but I highly doubt I could get a single positive recommendation letter at this point. I don't know what my strengths are anymore, since I'm not even capable of delivering good work to my adviser. I used to be really good at school; now I am not. This isn't even a case of Imposter Syndrome. Maybe at one time I deserved my spot here, but my work to date has been pretty abysmal, as evidenced by my low grades in my courses and refusal by faculty members to work with me. I am even persona non grata to the other students in my program. <br> <br> To summarize: Is there a non-academic scenario that would make it worthwhile to finish my humanities PhD? If not, what kind of career can I pivot to that would not require further education (since there's no way I'd be admitted anywhere else)?,2014:site.260022 Tue, 08 Apr 2014 19:23:07 -0800 redfishbluefish To patent or not to patent, and if so when? I am a research student who may have inadvertently invented something commercializable. What do I do now? I am a research degree student working in an interdisciplinary field of science, combining material science and biology. Like most scientists, my original intent was simply to get published in the highest impact journal possible. However, I recently had lunch with an aspiring entrepreneur friend who pointed out that if the idea actually worked, it could be highly lucrative and the basis of a research-based company. He suggested that I immediately rush to file a provisional application for a patent (here in Australia), stop telling everyone about the details of the research, and instruct everyone I know who knows about it to keep quiet.<br> <br> I’m not entirely sure if this is exactly the right thing to do. Firstly, my idea is only an idea at this point. I’ve just started my research and haven’t actually collected any meaningful data. I’m pretty sure my idea will work, but science has been known to throw curveballs. I’m wondering if it’s too soon to patent? <br> <br> There is a small fee associated with the provisional patent, and it would take some time to write up, but the bigger issue could be managing the personal/professional relationships involved. Although the idea is mine by any standard, I’ve been discussing the idea in the lab group and with my supervisor/co-supervisors. There could be potentially difficult conversations about credit/ownership. For example, even though I have two co-supervisors, I've only talked to them once about this project (and their feedback has been almost entirely “sounds good, keep up the good work”). As no one in the group has ever patented anything, I’m not sure how it will go down exactly.<br> <br> I’m also unsure about what to do about the parts of the idea which <i>are</i> collaborative. The platform technology is entirely my invention, but the most commercially lucrative application of the technology was suggested to me by an academic I consulted with once. I'm wondering if I should just try to just patent the platform technology and my lower impact applications (easier, as I can just do it myself) or should I try to go back to this academic I consulted with and try to put him on the patent (again, I’m not sure how amenable he would be to this whole idea of commercialization, so that could potentially be an interesting conversation)?<br> <br> The other question is to do with disclosure. I’ve just learned that apparently in Europe, as soon as I disclose the invention to the public, I can no longer patent it. I have written up a relatively detailed description of the project on my personal website. Given that my site is about as low-traffic as you can get, should I take this down to try to save the novelty of my invention?<br> <br> Also, I’m not sure what to do about my friend’s advice to basically get everyone in my lab group to sign nondisclosure agreements (or at least swear them to secrecy). Is this really necessary, even after I’ve patented the idea? <br> <br> Overall, I’m just try to get a feel for how urgent this, in fact, is. Ideally, I would feel more comfortable waiting til I have some data to support the idea (for various reasons, it could take another month or so for this to happen). However, I do have to regularly give talks to the lab group and its visitors or other people in the department, and from what my friend is saying, each person who finds out about my idea is another cause for concern. So, I don't want to shortchange myself, if that's the case. But, it's also difficult to go from being open source to closed-door businessperson overnight.,2014:site.259910 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 05:47:15 -0800 cestlavie Getting a job at a private HS -- 1-2 years in the future. Piggybacking off of <a href=""> this question</a> to a certain extent -- what can I do <em>now</em> to make myself more attractive for teaching positions at privates high schools when I finish up my Ph.D.? As my question history shows, I've been ambivalent about finishing up the degree--but now I'm a good way through the diss, and definitely going to finish up in two years, although if my partner gets a TT job next year, I will likely follow him to wherever he ends up in the fall of 2016.<br> <br> So, knowing what I know about the job market, I'm much more interested in finding a stable gig teaching at a private HS. I have some experience teaching HS age students --a yearly (2 week) summer course, and a program I've pioneered to work with local HS students on their college application essays.<br> <br> I can teach literature, writing, and possibly creative writing (depending on the school's interest in a strong publication record--is this a thing? I published a lot ~5 years ago when I was doing an M.F.A. but did not complete the degree and do not write poetry anymore). I don't know any foreign languages and couldn't coach any sports (unless teaching ashtanga yoga counts, which I doubt).<br> <br> Should I try to squeeze in an adolescent psych class? An online ESL certification? What could I do now to help me in the future?,2014:site.259909 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 05:35:37 -0800 munyeca Non-academic career options for PhDs? My partner is finishing a PhD in a social science next year and is unsure about staying in academia. Have any MeFites been in a similar position? If so, how did you decide whether or not to seek a tenure-track professor path? If you decided not to, what are you doing now for work? How do you feel about your decision?,2014:site.259897 Sun, 06 Apr 2014 19:48:53 -0800 AceRock Need a job, almost any job will do As I near my 3rd and final year of my postdoc grant, it has become time to fish or cut bait. But I'm horrible about making decisions, but yet, don't have time to do it all. Can you help me sort out my future employment plans? Part of this may involve simply assuring me that leaving academia is the way to go. Or not. I am currently a postdoc in a cognitive science/psychology/neuroscience field. And I like it. I like doing research, I like teaching, I like the flexible scheduling, but I don't like the stress of applying for grants, nor do I particularly think it is something I am good at. Unfortunately, it seems that life at R1 institutions pretty much revolves around getting grants, and the research I do doesn't fit well into more liberal arts universities (MRI machines are expensive to use if there is even one available). Moreover, I look around at my fellow lab mates (caveat, at Harvard so this could be a skewed sample) and I just do not have the drive to spend the time and effort most of them do on their work. I like doing a good job, I pull late hours when I need to, but I value my time with family and friends and I have no interest of working 60-80 hours weeks until I get tenure. So I've been questioning where I go from here. I've looked over previous leaving academia questions, but still feel unsure of what to do.<br> <br> I've spent a bunch of time with a career counselor here, and we've lined up some ideas of non-academic jobs that I may be good at (including data scientist, science outreach, work in teaching centers at universities (training grad students and faculty how to be better teachers), etc), but I'm not 100% enthused about anything. I actually send out a CV to someone today and now am racked with anxiety that I haven't even tried to look for academic jobs and maybe I'm giving up too easily. But I'm having trouble finding time to do my actual current work and maintain any sort of family life, so I'm also overwhelmed at putting together all the stuff needed to apply for those, especially on top of trying to put together stuff that would make me credible for any of the non-academic jobs.<br> <br> Sorry, this is rambly, the TLDR is, should I commit to leaving academia given my concerns over my ability to be successful? Should I try to apply to both academia and non-academia jobs and just make up the time somewhere? Or how can I be comfortable with leaving what I've essentially been working towards for a large chunk of my life now?,2014:site.259627 Tue, 01 Apr 2014 13:27:12 -0800 katers890 Family Medical Leave for Graduate Students Does Family Medical Leave cover graduate students on .50 FTE? If so, does it still allow for tuition reimbursement or would I be on the hook for that? I'm sure this may be a "answers are different everywhere, talk to your HR person" kind of response, but I may need to take FMLA until the end of the semester and I'm wondering if a) it applies to non-full time employees (I'm considered .50 FTE and teach two classes of my own) and b) if this means I'll be on the hook for my tuition and insurance that have already been paid through my department. <br> <br> Any suggestions on how to find out, what you already know, what the other possibilities I'm not considering might be.<br> <br> [In case it matters: I had a baby two weeks ago. We had childcare sorted and it fell through. I was planning on going back next week, but now I have no idea if I can find childcare or if I even want to return for the rest of the semester (approx 5 weeks). Finding subs won't be a huge problem, but I imagine I would need to go through the department if I wanted someone to sub for me the rest of the semester and in doing that, I assume I'll have to take some sort of medical leave.],2014:site.259200 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:28:35 -0800 mrfuga0 A minor question about transgender nomenclature and etiquette. A former distant colleague of mine is a trans woman. I'm pretty clear on the importance of not misgendering people, but I'm running into one or two slightly awkward practical issues in making sure I don't screw that up. By way of background: I met her once (I'll call her Sarah) about 15 years ago, before she transitioned and she was presenting as male (let's say her name was then Simon). Not surprisingly, I assumed she was a cis man, however incorrect that later turned out to be. Some years later I discovered that Simon was now Sarah, and that Sarah is now quite well known in an unrelated discipline. Her identity as a trans woman is quite relevant to her new work, but it's not especially central to the work she used to do in my field. Or, at least, no more relevant than it is to any other aspect of life. <br> <br> The main issue...<br> <br> All of her work in my area is published under the name Simon, and I occasionally have reason to talk about this work (and my opinions about it) to my students. In the absence of any knowledge of what her preferences would be (and I really don't feel that it's appropriate for me -- someone she doesn't know -- to randomly contact her to ask), I'm a little unclear on how best to discuss her work. As I see it, the options are<br> <br> (a) The first time it comes up with a new student, explicitly mention that Simon is now Sarah, and refer to her by the correct pronoun. It sounds weird to refer to work by "Simon" using the pronoun "her", but that's no big deal. That part doesn't seem all that different with someone's maiden name if they chose to change their name after marriage. <br> <br> The part that feels frustrating is that I'm calling attention to the fact that she is transgender, in a context in which her gender identity isn't relevant. The quality and consequence of her work in my field is entirely unrelated to her gender identity, but I feel like I unintentionally end up linking the two because I first say something about the fact that she is trans (in order to explain the pronouns), and then immediately go on to comment on aspects of the work that I like and aspects I don't like. <br> <br> (b) Don't call attention to it. As much as possible, don't use gender pronouns and refer to her using her surname, and don't correct students when they misgender her.<br> <br> This seems much worse. Yes, it has the advantage of not linking her gender identity to her (now rather old) work in this field, but I feel like I'm contributing to a rather pervasive bias in my field (i.e., ignore everyone who isn't a white middle class cis male like me, and then remain blithely ignorant of the fact we're doing so). This makes me really uncomfortable, because I feel like I'm erasing a trans woman from the field, even if she wasn't publicly identifying as such when she was in our field.<br> <br> (c) Try to play it both ways. When the topic first comes up, casually mention that Simon is now Sarah, use the correct pronouns but don't make a big deal about it, and try to keep the student on topic.<br> <br> I sort of like this option. I don't think I'm the best person to be teaching Transgender 101, nor is my office the best place for that conversation. But I want it to be clear from context that even though I don't want to talk about the private lives of other academics, I don't misgender and I implicitly expect the same from my students. Unfortunately, it's something I don't pull off all that well. Option (c) turns into option (a) about 80% of the time, because I'm just not that socially skilled. <br> <br> An ancillary issue...<br> <br> As a side note, I find that I tie myself in knots whenever I'm talking anecdotally about my now-very-dated interactions with her. Specifically, I occasionally have reasons to refer to what *I* was thinking when I saw her talk about topic X. When I thought those thoughts at the time, they were of the form "I think he's wrong about X because Y". But now that language feels wrong because even though she presented as male, I have to assume that she almost certainly felt female all along, in which case "she" ought to be the right pronoun regardless of what I knew at that time. I feel like the right thing to do is just retroactively edit out my misgendering (entirely understandable as it was given the lack of any cues) and just say "she", but it does feel weird given that I'm visualising a middle aged cis male when I draw on my memory of those times. But I should just suck it up and use what I now know to be the right pronoun, yes? It's not exactly a terrible burden.<br> <br> Okay. That felt long. What I'm specifically asking is this... given that I can't reasonably ask her what her preferences are, what should I assume as my default behaviour if and when this comes up next? I *feel* like the right thing to do is: on the main topic, pursue option (c) above, and on the ancillary issue, just edit out the incorrect pronouns. But I'm not exactly convinced that the intuitions of a white cis straight middle class male nerd are the best ones to go by, no matter how well intentioned. To that end I'd appreciate any comments or suggestions as to how I should approach this situation. I'm pretty happy to change my tack if the general consensus from trans folk is that there's a better way to do this.<br> <br> [The question is anonymous because my MeFi account in theory allows me to be identified, and my field is small enough that she could potentially be identified if you know my field and my nationality. Throwaway email:],2014:site.259032 Fri, 21 Mar 2014 09:25:38 -0800 Anonymous Am I making the right decision? (Plus bonus negotiation questions) I am an academic in Australia, in a social sciences/humanities field that I have mentioned before but would rather not repeat here for googleability reasons. I am currently employed until the middle of this year. I have a job offer in another city that I think I'm going to accept. I'm worried it might be the wrong decision. <strong>Background</strong><br> I am at a university ranked among the top 10 in the world in my discipline. My husband is a scientist also at this university, who has managed to cobble together contracts here of between six months and three years continually since 2004, is currently unemployed (since November) but expects to be able to put together more short-term contracts in the future if he hangs around. <br> <br> Australia doesn't really have a tenure system (any more). The best you can get is a "continuing contract", which means your contract has no fixed end date. Usually a new appointment to a continuing funding line would be fixed term for three years or so, with a performance review followed by a confirmation of continuing status.<br> <br> <strong>The offer</strong><br> The offer I just got is at a university elsewhere. It is for a fixed term contract of five years, with the "possibility" that it would be converted to continuing at the end of that time, subject to performance and available funding. It seems like a great department, an exciting role, with just the right mix of teaching and research.<br> <br> They are offering me nearly twice what I currently earn, at an academic level much higher than my current appointment (high enough that I could apply for promotion to Associate Professor within three or four years.) They are also willing to offer me a generous start-up package of research funding. <br> <br> <strong>The cons</strong><br> There is nothing at that university for my husband. They don't even have a department for his discipline. There are, however, six or so universities in that city, of which at least two do have small groups of people working on things that are at least tangentially related to his research. I doubt they'll be able to offer him paid work, at least at first, but maybe eventually. And they'd probably be willing to offer him visiting fellow status, so he can use an office and a computer. We are not willing to live apart or do a weekly commute between here and there, especially since he doesn't actually have a job here either.<br> <br> The university is ranked low, low down the rankings. Like, 600th or so in the world. However, they are really keen to increase their research profile, so are pumping money into research, and the specific people in my discipline there are good. (They pretty much all got poached from my current institution!). I don't care about rankings purely in terms of prestige, but I care if it will make me unemployable later, especially since this position isn't guaranteed to become continuing. Also if it makes it impossible for me to attract good PhD students or to get external grants.<br> <br> We would have to move cities. We bought a house here a few years back. It's not a huge deal to move: I know people do it all the time. But it does mean that all else being equal (which it's not), we'd prefer to stay here. The new city is one I would like to live in, but the university is in a part of the city which is not so nice, and traffic/commuting etc in this new city is pretty horrible.<br> <br> <strong>The alternative</strong><br> I applied for a postdoc at my current institution back in October. In November I was interviewed, along with a few other people. Their first choice turned them down. They told me I was the best of the rest of the candidates, but that they wanted to readvertise to try to get a wider pool to choose from. They told me to reapply, in case they "can't get anyone better". I reapplied and they are holding new interviews late next week.<br> <br> The selection committee confirms I am still definitely in the running. They only have five applicants total who are at all viable, and they won't be interviewing them all. Some of the committee thinks I am the strongest applicant. But the chair of the committee gets the final say, as it's his research funding. I asked him if he could hold the interviews any sooner due to my job offer from Other University, and he said no. So I take that (and the fact that he wouldn't hire me back in November) as evidence that he is, at the least, unexcited about my application.<br> <br> If I got it, this job would be a lower academic level, at about half the salary of the other job, a four or five year fixed term with no possibility of continuing afterwards, and working for someone who is unenthusiastic about employing me. The actual work would be fun, and actually very similar to what I'd do at the other university. And it would be continuing at this highly ranked university where my husband has a better chance of getting future employment.<br> <br> <strong>My questions</strong><br> So what to do? Should I even wait and attend the interview next week and then wait to find out whether I am successful, given that this means delaying my acceptance of the other job by longer than they would prefer? (They initially asked me to make a decision by early next week, but I might be able to persuade them to wait.) I'm tending towards thinking that the other job is so much better in so many ways that I should just accept it and withdraw my application for the postdoc here. This is what my husband says he thinks I should do too.<br> <br> Secondly, am I really screwing up my husband's career here? He is willing to make the sacrifice for me, but it is a big sacrifice I am asking. It's kind of his turn (I came to Australia for him), but I don't want to ruin his life.<br> <br> And finally, I haven't mentioned this other job possibility to the university I have an offer from, because (a) I don't actually have a competing offer, just an interview, and (b) it is a worse job on paper in every way, so it doesn't seem like great negotiation fodder. Is this a mistake? I am currently still negotiating the details of salary with the other university. If I mention the postdoc, and they ask about the salary, I'd have to admit it's ridiculously low, which would seem to work against me. But I know that being (perhaps) about to have a competing offer is traditionally something someone brings up in negotiation.,2014:site.258904 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 22:37:36 -0800 lollusc PhD-level conservation careers for maximum real-world impact I'm in a PhD program pursuing a degree in conservation biology. When I finish (and possibly after completing a postdoc or two) I'd like to end up in a job where I can maximize my real-world conservation impact. I'd like to hear some suggestions on how I can do that; lots more detail to be found inside, as well as my reasoning on the subject so far. So I'm working on a PhD in conservation biology, with focuses in ecosystem health, evolutionary potential, molecular techniques, and geographic information systems (GIS). My program also involves significant collaboration with researchers, conservation managers, and policymakers in the developing world. I'm still in the first year of my program, but I feel that it's never too early to be thinking about the ultimate path I want to take in terms of my eventual career. I'm looking for advice in that regard.<br> <br> The main thing that I know I want out of a career is the opportunity to make a significant real-world conservation impact. That's why I went into conservation biology, after all; aside from the fact that I love research, find ecology fascinating, have always felt a deep affinity for nature, and wanted to build a deep knowledge of a specific field, it is a deep conviction of mine that the ongoing environmental crisis is one of the biggest and most important societal challenges of our time and I wanted to equip myself to participate meaningfully in that struggle. However, I've come to realize that my choice of career (and my choices within that career) will end up largely determining whether or not the expertise I am acquiring will translate into meaningful change.<br> <br> One thing that concerns me is that a career in academic research – the default career path for PhD graduates, despite the increasing difficulty of finding good jobs in academia – does not necessarily involve creating that change. Even in a field as relevant and applied as conservation bio, so much of the incentive structure for an academic is based around grant funding and publication in academic journals that it's perfectly possible to have a productive and even illustrious career as a conservation biologist without ever actually creating any change in the real world. Those two activities (plus teaching) take up such a large portion of an academic's time that I know it can be difficult to do just about anything else, and neither of them necessarily have any impact outside of academia itself. Also, academics often frown upon those researchers who are perceived as activists or advocates or who spend a lot of time doing public outreach, as those activities can be seen as compromising one's neutrality and scientific integrity.<br> <br> Therefore, I'm becoming increasingly keen to find ways that I can get outside the academic box and do work that focuses on making a real positive impact on the environment. I'm interested both in ways to do this from within a traditional academic career – because some academics do manage it, so I know it's possible though it's not yet clear to me how one goes about doing it – and in alternative careers (not necessarily even in research <em>per se</em>) where the expertise and qualifications I am developing would be put to good use in a more applied way. I'm particularly interested in working to effect change at the systemic level, the level of culture, policy, and societal behavior, because I see the environmental crisis as being fundamentally due to systemic processes (rather than isolated events or individual acts) stemming from a distorted societal worldview and the policies and practices that this worldview engenders. I want a career where my PhD and research experience would be put to good use, though I would be OK with stepping back from the actual practice of research itself if it meant I could have a better chance of creating meaningful positive change in the world.<br> <br> Ideally, though it's not a strict requirement, I would also find a career that afforded me the opportunity to travel to and spend time in parts of the world that are most in need of protection. The part of my work that I enjoy most as a graduate student is the fieldwork, and while I recognize that big changes are more often made in conference rooms than they are in the field I would really like to be able to retain a fieldwork-style component in my work over the long term. I also would really like to be able to continue to do research; it wouldn't necessarily have to be academic research (I am aware that many research projects happen outside of the academic model) but I do love doing science and learning to do research is obviously a huge part of the training that I am undergoing and I would like to put that training to good use. I also wouldn't mind continuing my education after I get this PhD, to acquire a complementary qualification in another field that would position me for a more influential career – if I do take the academic track then I'm probably looking at between two and six years of postdoctoral research after graduation anyway, so I would not see a "detour" into a complementary field (something policy-related like economics, political science, or environmental law perhaps, or something else like sociology or journalism or environmental engineering?) as a waste of my time as long as it meant that in the end I was better equipped to achieve my ultimate goal of having a significant positive impact on the environment.<br> <br> I apologize for how broadly-phrased this question is, but I'm trying to cast a wide net here. Partly that's because I am quite agnostic regarding what career path I end up in so long as it serves my ultimate goal of helping to alleviate the environmental crisis, and partly that's just because I don't really know what my options are. Non-academic career options aren't discussed much from within academia, nor are activities that involve creating real-world impact from within an academic career (in my field and in my experience, anyway) so I'm really just beginning my search for a career that suits my goals. I have plenty of time to search – another four years, probably – but I'd like to get started right away. Any suggestions you have regarding career tracks to look into, plans for positioning and equipping myself for those careers, strategies for effecting real-world change from within academia, or even specific individuals whose life and work I might look to as sources of inspiration, would be very much appreciated.<br> <br> Thanks as always for your time and your advice. Much love to the Hivemind.,2014:site.258849 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 05:50:29 -0800 Scientist A parachute for jumping off the Ivory Tower Another humanities-grad-student-meets-real-life question. Finishing a linguistics Ph.D., have a classics M.A.; my academic job search is drawing a blank, so I'm looking further afield. What are some specific skills I could acquire that would make me more employable, and how do I go about acquiring them? Complications: I'll need visa sponsorship for any kind of employment, and time is a factor. I'm an international student from Israel in my seventh year of a linguistics Ph.D. program. I'm in the US on an F-1 visa, which expires in mid-December, so I'll be filing my dissertation by then. I want to either stay in the US afterwards or else move to Europe; I'll need employment-based visa sponsorship for either option. The academic job market is not being kind to me (twenty-odd applications so far this year, zero interviews). What can I do to make myself more employable outside academia, specifically to the kind of employer that might be willing to sponsor me for a visa?<br> <br> Time frame: I can apply for OPT, which would give me another year to stay in the US after I file, <em>if</em> I can find employment related to my degree. So best case scenario (file in December, get a continuous OPT job for a year), I have until December 2015 to find long-term visa-sponsored employment; worst case scenario (can't get an OPT job), I have until this December.<br> <br> I'm in northern California, and ideally would like to stay here, but would consider moving to another part of the US, another English-speaking country, or most anywhere in western Europe.<br> <br> As a potential employee my strengths are mostly in the language field. I'm bilingual in English and Hebrew, speak fairly passable Spanish and French (not quite fluent in either), and know Latin and Greek. I write well and I have some academic copyediting experience. I've worked as a Hebrew to English translator before.<br> <br> My main weak point is probably that I've never had a real job. I'm in my mid 30s and have basically been in school all my life, apart from a short stint pre-grad school as a translator working from home. Also, I don't have any computer skills beyond the basics (Word etc.).<br> <br> Temperamentally I'm an introvert, and am not great at teamwork, nor at dealing with open-ended or ill-defined tasks. (Don't worry, I wouldn't say this at a job interview.) I work best when I'm given a clearly defined task that's within or at the edge of my skill set and the freedom to complete it in my own way.<br> <br> Some options/fields I've been thinking about:<br> - Teaching high school: I could teach Latin or Hebrew at the high school level. I don't really know that I want to deal with obnoxious teenagers on a daily basis, but I'm at the point where I'll take what I can get. However, I doubt most high schools would consider doing visa sponsorship (nor do community colleges, which rules out that option); also, I don't have a teaching certification, so would be limited to private schools.<br> - Publishing: I don't really know what kinds of careers there are in this field or how easy or hard it would be to find sponsorship, but it seems like it might be a good fit. Any inside knowledge would be much appreciated.<br> - Digital humanities: I have the humanities part, but not the digital part. What are some specific IT skills I could acquire in a reasonably short time if I wanted to look for work in this field, and where/how would I get them?<br> - Computational linguistics: same question.<br> <br> Other ideas welcomed, including farfetched ones. (I don't necessarily <em>have</em> to work in a language-related field; hell, if it turns out there's a massive shortage of plumbers in California such that they're first in line for greencards, I'll go to night school for plumbing.) The more specific the better: I'd ideally like answers of the type "Here is a particular certification you could get that would make you attractive to employers in field X".,2014:site.258808 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 10:20:53 -0800 zeri Have I been plagiarized? If so, what do I do? I wrote a lengthy scholarly article last year, put a preprint of it on my university's institutional repository, and thought no more about it. In January this year, a British journalist published a piece of popular military history with a major British trade press that appears to contain about 6 pages of very, <i>very</i> close summary and paraphrase of my article. What to do? I know the author read my article because he refers to it in the endnotes about 6 times. The problem is that he does this in a way that minimizes the debt he owes to it. My article includes quite a few extended passages from soldiers' letters and diaries and he's appropriated these for his own text, in most cases (though not always) with an endnote in the form of "quoted in [Sonny Jim] 2013, p. xx." Fair enough. What concerns me is that he's also reproduced my <i>interpretation</i> of these passages as well, this time without acknowledgement. There are two paragraphs in particular where he closely summarizes arguments I make in the paper and this time there are no endnotes to tell the reader he got these arguments from somewhere else. <br> <br> The problem for me is that I spent about 3 years researching this paper and I want to extend it into a book. Now that someone else (with a much higher profile than me) appears to be passing off my main arguments as though they're either his own or common knowledge, I'm less confident I can pitch the book project to an academic press.<br> <br> So, where do I go from here? I'm not an historian, so I don't know, but ... is this the kind of practice that academic historians expect from popularisers? Is this even considered plagiarism in the history field, or is it just ignored or tolerated? As part of the publication process, I assigned copyright in the article to the university press that publishes the journal, if that's at all relevant. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!,2014:site.258127 Tue, 04 Mar 2014 03:14:29 -0800 Sonny Jim Tenure and promotion letters for college faculty Academics, what is your institution's policy about tenure and promotion letters? Specifically, once the decision to award or deny tenure is made, does a candidate standardly get a letter detailing the committee's reasons? What is the letter like and who reviews it? Looking also for pointers to faculty handbooks where the letter process is described, and links to policies/recommendations from professional associations like AAUP or MLA on this. An institution I'm associated with (a small college in the US) is considering changing its system. It has historically given a letter describing the committee's rationale, but now is considering a system where candidates would NOT be given a letter. Candidates would get the rationale described verbally by an administrator, but wouldn't get anything in writing. This goes for pre-tenure continuance reviews too.<br> <br> In evaluating this change, it would be helpful to know how standard these letters are... does virtually every institution give them, or is it a variable thing? Do professional associations recommend that faculty should get letters for these decisions?<br> <br> Would also be good to know what the process looks like (do the letters follow a rubric, who writes them, who reviews them, etc).<br> <br> References to documents I can point to online are especially helpful.,2014:site.257818 Wed, 26 Feb 2014 14:54:47 -0800 Anonymous How can I come to terms with mistakes I made in my 20s? I am in my late 20s, and I have increasingly found myself preoccupied with regret about how I have squandered my 20s. I have always thought of myself as unromantic, and I don't believe in "soulmates", "the One", or any of that. Yet I have recently realized that while I do not hold that ideology in terms of relationships, I have followed it to the letter in terms of vocation (<a href="">this</a> article explains it well; I'm sort of in the opposite position of <a href="">this</a> MeFite). After reflecting on it fairly extensively, I think that making this big mistake has been the fundamental fatal flaw of my past decade. I spent my 20s on a wild goose chase of multiple graduate degrees in the humanities, convinced that if I dedicated myself fervently and single-mindedly enough to the subject I loved, an academic career and happiness would eventually follow. Unfortunately, over the course of the last couple of years (and especially in the past couple of months), I have realized that that "in love" feeling doesn't pay the bills, and that while I love the subject I'm researching, I don't love it enough to sacrifice the possibility a stable job that pays enough to support a family and has enough work/life balance in order to do so.<br> <br> I am now realizing that the measure of a good job isn't something that totally self-actualizes you and makes you feel deeply ecstatic about your work all the time; rather, a good job is something that you quite enjoy doing that pays the bills and supports the kind of lifestyle you want (having a family, etc.). I now realize that rather than pursuing that "in love" feeling, I should have made a much more clear-headed decision about vocation based not only on enjoyment and mental connection but also on practical things - stability, pay, quality of life, compatible with having a family, etc. I guess this was obvious to everyone else in undergrad, but somehow I remained oblivious then and I'm only just becoming keenly aware of it now. I deeply wish I could start again at my BA graduation and pursue some more sensible option rather than wasting the last 6-odd years on pie-in-the-sky graduate degrees in the humanities. If I had started my post-bac and med school at that point, I'd be in my residency by now, looking forward to being gainfully employed at something I liked. As it is, in a year's time when I'm finished my PhD (hopefully!) I'm effectively going to have to start again, having lost the better part of a decade of my life. Even worse, I so fully had all of my eggs in the academia basket that I neglected investing as fully as I wish I had in romantic relationships, friendships, enjoying free time, etc. I wish I had spent my 20s starting on a career path that was both enjoyable and sensible, and I also wish I had focused on dating and getting married, really cultivating the friendships that I have and enjoying them, spending time with family, and just giving more of myself to myself. Looking back, I think I made a lot of quite bad choices, and invested myself far too heavily in things that I now don't consider to be worthwhile. I feel like I chose to be a monk for the better part of a decade for a religion that I now don't believe in. Obviously, what I need to do at this point is to get over it and move on - spilled milk, water under the bridge, and all of that. But I'd love any mental hacks or ways of framing this that would help me do this. I realize that all of this sounds rather whiney, navel-gazing, and first-world-problems-ey - sorry! It's just been something that my mind keeps insistently returning to lately, and I wish I had a better way of dealing with it.,2014:site.257723 Tue, 25 Feb 2014 05:37:34 -0800 ClaireBear