

To ask what you actually say when DH asks 'what do you do all day?'

(68 Posts)
PoisonedApple Tue 10-Sep-13 23:25:43

Have a 3.5 year old, 1.5 dogs and an 8 week old baby and he seems genuinely confused as to my daily activities (as he chomps his way through the totally miraculous home made fish pie...)

LuckyToHaveYouAll Tue 10-Sep-13 23:56:38

When 'D'H used to ask me, I would desperately try and justify how I had managed my day, listed all my jobs, and broke it down into how long it took to do each job which I often overinflated to hide the time I used to MN or have a coffee and I would gloss over the times I took the DC out to soft play or whatever as in his eyes this didn't count. But then he is an EA bastard and I am leaving him very soon grin. He only ever asked because he was in satisfied with the state of the house and wanted to pick apart my day to tell me how I could fit more house work in. Breaking it down is impossible though - how do you quantify time taken to change umpteen nappies or the other odd jobs like bathing the DC due to the massive poonami? I tried all sorts of responses to get him off my back, none of which worked because I was just a glorified maid to him who had to 'earn my keep' being a SAHM hmm.

I like the spa idea best wink.

Sorry for that little rant blush.

stemstitch Tue 10-Sep-13 23:58:29

You need to let him know it isn't acceptable to be a sarcastic bastard. I don't have children but if my DP asks any similar question (i.e. doubting my abilities/work ethic or anything remotely negative)* it is followed by an icy stare and an awkward silence. He then usually laughs nervously while ensuring exit paths are free of obstacles.

IME men get into the habit of saying these 'jokes' first to the wife, then to others, and it isn't long before they begin to truly believe them. You need to keep his feet on the ground.

*He would only ever say something like this as a joke, because the consequences of actually insulting me would be too horrible to contemplate.

Accidentallyquirky Wed 11-Sep-13 00:10:40

He never asks, but tbh I'm a shit sahm... I never actually stay home - if I stay out as long as possible there's no housework to do ( washing cups after cuppas etc)
Sometimes actually I'd like him to text asking where the hell am I or what am I up to - pretty often he returns home from work to an empty house and unless its past 7pm and I have the kids with me he won't think to text and even then it's usually ' hi quirky just wondering if yous have ate so I know if I need to cook for myself or wait'

Ragusa Wed 11-Sep-13 00:13:21

Oh yes. I can feel a night away with old friends coming on for you, poisonedapple. And you MUST turn off your mobile so he can deal alone with toddler meltdown over cutted up pear so you can have some peace. He will never ask such an asshole question again.

showtunesgirl Wed 11-Sep-13 00:23:36

I just read out the OP to DH and he said this HAS to be made up, no man would ever be so stupid. grin

stopgap Wed 11-Sep-13 00:33:21

My DH often asks what we got up to, in a genuinely curious day, but he knows how hectic life is with a toddler, two dogs and a baby-on-the-way and would never posit the question in such patronising terms.

bigwellylittlewelly Wed 11-Sep-13 00:43:12

Apart from entertaining the three year old and new baby, cleaning, endless washing, cooking, tidying and general stuff I set my goal for the day as serving up dinner at 6pm. After that I'm off duty on the three yo and on feeding only for baby.

Monday was a shite day. I texted DH and said I was unlikely to get dinner finished so to get a snack. His reply? "Don't worry, I'll cook when I get in or we can eat later". He might drive me bonkers but he doesn't underestimate being at home with small children.

Your DH needs a short sharp lesson in parenting.

EmmaBemma Wed 11-Sep-13 05:28:26

My husband has never once asked me that question.

wonkylegs Wed 11-Sep-13 05:35:58

My DH doesn't ask such stupid questions. This is also partly because I'm a list writer so I have a daily to do list next to the bed to organise my thoughts, as I can be a bit forgetful. He took one look at it the other day and said "you do know there is only 24 hours in a day right?"

Morloth Wed 11-Sep-13 05:48:43

Well DH has never said that.

But I think I would respond with 'Sit on my arse, MN and eat cake of course, WTF to you think I do all day?!'

The washing, where the fuck does the washing come from, I wash and I wash and I wash and still there is more...

GreyWhites Wed 11-Sep-13 05:53:59

My partner used to ask this. I did the thing of making a point of leaving him in charge for a day over the weekend every now and again (The having to express enough milk thing drove me insane but I forced myself to do it). He soon got the idea. To be honest the more efficient you are the more of a mystery it becomes as to what you're doing with your time. And it sounds like you're very efficient, with your home made fish pies!

Leave him in charge now and again and let him find out for himself, its the only way to an equal partnership. If you are one of these women who is all like "oh my god I could never leave him in charge, how would he cope?" then you are your own worst enemy I'm afraid. (I know a couple)

MammaTJ Wed 11-Sep-13 06:22:41

One would say 'sleeping'. But I work nights!

My 'day off' is Friday and I often actually do nothing! DP finishes at 2 on Fridays, do comes homes when I am still child free! He leaves me on the sofa while he does the school run! I might just have to let him stay! wink

Twattybollocks Wed 11-Sep-13 06:38:11

Mine asked me that once when I was at home with a 19 month old and a newborn who cried constantly and didn't sleep. Thankfully for him he hasn't asked since.

Gracie990 Wed 11-Sep-13 06:42:14

I had this.
I started to write the chores on my notice board so he could see them. Every single job.

I also left him with the children a few times so he got the idea!

Tee2072 Wed 11-Sep-13 06:49:48

My husband has never asked this but he was gobsmacked one day when he was home ill and so witnessed what I actually do all day.

capercaillie Wed 11-Sep-13 06:50:47

Mine asks this. I think he phrases it poorly and has good intentions/ curiosity behind it.

My usual response is sarcasm so I regularly do nuclear physics or peace negotiations.

Or I make sure I leave the Hoover etc out so it's blindingly obvious.

MummyPig24 Wed 11-Sep-13 06:53:14

If my husband asked me what I do all day I would reply something like this:

Get children fed and dressed
Feed animals
Make ds packed lunch
Clean up kitchen
Organise something for dinner
Do the school run
Entertaining dd
Household admin i.e filing important letters
Folding laundry
Dealing with school letters/reading books
Seeing friends and family

I would love to sit on my arse but I don't get much time.

MrsPnut Wed 11-Sep-13 06:55:33

I would reply with "this morning, I laid on the sofa and flicked my nipples and this afternoon, my boyfriend came round and I was swinging from the chandelier"

My OH would never be so brave to ask such a question.

Bonsoir Wed 11-Sep-13 06:56:04

I tell him I lie on the sofa reading while little fairies shop, cook, tidy, run errands, provide instant ready made perfect solutions to all our family's issues...

Dackyduddles Wed 11-Sep-13 06:58:57

I get lists of things to do. Because (quote) I 'can manage my time better'. He also forgets how long things take. Running a Hoover round? 15mins. 4 bed semi. Riiiiiight. Drop to post office? Must be around 20? No that would be 20 mins prep for two dcs. 15 min drive. 10 min park/walk. 30-1hr queue. Walk back. Drive back. Unload. Home say 1.5hrs later if lucky or if I don't get "whilst your out can u do x....' Text too.


WallaceWindsock Wed 11-Sep-13 08:15:38

Dacky DP does the time thing! He once tried to tell me it would take 2 mins to peg the washing out. He retracted it after I left him to peg it out with the assistance of peg obsessed DD. I took him 20 mins but that did include time to knock next door and ask for the pegs back which DD had posted through the fence while he wasn't looking grin

livinginwonderland Wed 11-Sep-13 08:18:04

DP would never dare ask me. We don't have kids but I only work part-time (lack of jobs in our area, not through choice) so I am home four days a week. But, I do all the chores, go shopping if it's needed, clean, vacuum, and sort out dinner. Even if one day I haven't done anything and have just made the bed and stayed in my pajamas, he would never dare complain or moan about it.

livinginwonderland Wed 11-Sep-13 08:20:37

Although once, I do remember having a lazy day and I said I was tired at about 6-7pm, and he said (jokingly) "why?! you haven't done anything!" so I just replied "well, no, after my other boyfriend came over and we spent the day having rampant sex everywhere, I was just too tired to do housework". He never asked again!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 11-Sep-13 08:22:43

He wouldn't ask, he knows what I do all day as he looks after DS when I work.

Squitten Wed 11-Sep-13 08:23:47

My DH has never asked me that - and he has often come home to an utter pit!

I think I would organise a few days away for myself so he could learn exactly what I do...

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