Ask Carley: Telling the kids about the engagement

Scripps Howard News Service



Scripps Howard News Service

Q: My fiance and I have kids from previous marriages. How do we tell them about our engagement? And do we involve our exes?

A: If either of you has children from a previous relationship, they should be the first to know. After all, they're the ones who are getting a new stepparent (and maybe a stepsibling or two), and they'll need time to adjust to the idea.

Whether you tell them together depends on your family dynamic. Just be sure they hear the news from you first. On that topic, if you have children together, don't let your ex hear about your engagement from the dry cleaner you still share or, worse, from Junior himself. It's better to address any concerns your ex may have about the children from the get-go.

If you're merging two families, plan outings and dinners to start getting everyone comfortable with the idea of being part of the same family. Don't panic if everyone's not on board right away. Big adjustments take time.

(Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com. Got more questions? Visit www.theknot.com/askcarley for 800-plus answers on all things wedding.)