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I'am 28 now and i have the tendency to take everything for granted.I have always been extremely ignorant about numerous things that one would encounter in his/her life like studies,taking care of oneself/family,making friends,socializing,getting the right job,getting a girlfriend etc.It's been a while since the time i realized that i lacked maturity,despite that i never took anything seriously.My ignorance was fueled with arrogance and egoism too.

I understand that everyone needs to incorporate "take it easy policy" in their lives,but not to an extent that it jeopardizes life itself.Because of this behavioral issue/attitude i couldn't perform well on jobs and i have lost numerous jobs as none of my peers nor my employer liked me(especially women,of course!).For now i'am not skill full enough to work in any other industries other than customer service.

I have been jobless from past 6 months.I have been feeding myself and my mother with little savings since then(not sure how i've been able to manage despite severe food inflation and soaring cost of living here in bangalore india).However i'am confident that i'll be able to come out with a proper explanation regarding the gaps in my tenure to the interviewer and get employed.I'am really not worried about that.But i have been trying not to waste time or misuse my "break from work" and i have kept myself quite busy by studying.

I have a burning desire to study maths and physics on my own because university or college is not an option because of the condition that i'am presently in.I didn't study well in my college days when i had an opportunity and enough support from my mother which i took it for granted(I deeply regret that because of which i want to study now,as i feel that i'am missing something).I used to just sit and procrastinate which i still do (but rarely).Never took part in sports or extra curricular activities nor made friends which would have at least done something good to me.I don't think none of my classmates were willing to talk to me even if had shown a genuine interest in being their friend.Had a lot of ambition but not a specific goal in mind.

After reading this https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1419388 a couple of months ago,i decided to foster many interests out of which maths and physics are the subjects i chose to cater to my personal growth along with exercising in the open and cycling (yet to learn swimming).I also ensure that i get sufficient sleep and follow a good diet(i'am more of a vegetarian)By the way the very first comment in that post was enlightening to me.Since then i have acquired sufficient knowledge in basic math.A full semester course in calculus,have watched and understood many videos from khan academy and a couple of other sources.I'am interested in taking my math knowledge further to differential equations (both ODE and PDE) and eventually apply then to theoretical physics (as a hobbyist) or perhaps get into fields like computational science(I know this involves simulation/programming etc).That's my goal.

Ok.That was a short (may be long,i don't know)story about my past and a little bit on what i want to do next (goal).Here'e another thing for which i desperately need some sort of advice which enables me to be a better person and lead a proper life.Lately inferiority complex has kicked in which has triggered a mild depression in me(not clinical depression,thankfully).I even used get angry at times for no reason and started to watch violent movies,prison documentaries showcasing hardcore criminals,rapists etc and their fights and stabbings.I used then as a means of motivating myself in order to build muscles by exercising heavily such that i can get strong and seek revenge on someone whom i used to hate back in college/workplace etc.Thank god,guns are not widely available for sale here in India unlike the US.If that was the case i would have procured a license by now and misused it.

Enough of my barking.


How do i stay mentally strong? Sometimes i get depressed because of loneliness (may be due to lack of socializing,partying,going on a vacation,breakups with a couple of women,inability to grasp certain math/science concepts,etc Needless to say,Partying,Going on a vacation,Taking a girlfriend or one's own mother for a ride all comes with a hefty price tag nowadays.Hence these are not something to make a choice from,atleast for now!)

How do i stop my mind from wavering?

How do i get people to like me?(Not only this will help me to be a better seller in order to get a job based on my skill but also to coexist)

Edit:Apologies for not choosing the right tag.May be someone with rights could do it for me please.

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Only a partial answer, so only a comment -- to get people to like you, like them first. If you genuinely care about other people, you won't pay as much attention to whether they like you, and people you care about will like you. –  thursdaysgeek Feb 1 '13 at 22:41
There are quite a few questions here, but the only one which seems to be connected with productivity is the one about your mind wavering. We have a few questions on concentration here so I'll close this. Have a read of the faq and if you think you can reword the question please do, as it can always be reopened. –  Rory Alsop Feb 3 '13 at 9:31
@Alok.. ishayoga.org/Schedule/… I bet it will help you more than what you have imagined.. –  user1539 Feb 4 '13 at 0:51
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closed as off topic by Rory Alsop Feb 3 '13 at 9:31


1 Answer

Deciding you want to make a big change is half the battle. You may feel alone at times, but know that you're not. I'll be rooting for you! So will anyone else who is truly kind, even if it takes you a while to find those people.

Here's what's helped me:

Create a daily practice that becomes your rock. Make it your top priority besides basic survival and care for your loved ones. If you can stick to your daily practice, over time, you can accomplish almost anything, because all you have to do is modify what things are in your daily practice and continue sticking to it.

To give you an example, here's my current practice:

  • Meditate for at least 5 minutes every weekday.
  • Exercise at least 10 minutes every weekday (3 cardio, 2 strength).
  • Take my vitamins every weekday.
  • Avoid refined sugar 6 days a week.
  • Weigh myself every weekday.
  • Stick to the budget I've defined, and put all remaining income towards student loans.

Here are some key points to making this effective:

  • Define your goals in writing, adhering to the SMART criteria.
  • After defining success in a clear and measurable way, create a chart where you track progress. Put it somewhere were you'll see it every day. Whenever possible, it's best to create a chart that tracks both inputs (the actions that make up your daily practice) and outputs (progress toward your goals) so you can see the relationship between the two.
  • Start ridiculously small. I started with just the 5 minutes a day of meditation, and that helped me build the focus and clarity to add in the other stuff.
  • If you fail to stick to your practice even once, stop and reevaluate immediately. Was the problem simply a one-off emergency? Was your goal unrealistic? Is something making you dread your practice rather than look forward to it? Make changes to prevent future problems.
  • Schedule when you'll carry out your practice and guard that time jealously. I wake up at 5:30 just to do mine because it's near impossible when my kids are awake.
  • Avoid people who tear you down and discourage you. Surround yourself with people who support you or are working on self development also.
  • Search out what works for other people (you're already doing this by asking the question). Experiment and find what works for you.

Here are some resources that have helped me:

Good luck! Update us on your progress.

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