Richie Sambora Slips Into Rehab While No One Is Looking

Because we once swore on a stack of six-month-old glossies in the lobby of a shady direct-to-video production company in Simi Valley to exhaustively chronicle every celebrity detox attempt that crossed our desks—with no celebrity too paunchy, sunburned, or sloppy-seconded to escape our scrutiny—we pass along news of the latest in what will surely go down as a bounty year for rehabs:

The specific nature of Sambora's substance-abuse problem was not disclosed.

For those of you who require a brush-up on your Samboran background, here are the essentials, which, coincidentally, just so happen to be the sum total of our knowledge on the subject:
1) Lead guitarist for seminal hair metal band Bon Jovi, recently featured on American Idol.
2) Was married to Heather Locklear.
3) Was diddling Locklear ex-BFF Denise Richards. (But isn't anymore, we think.)
4) Cleverly booked himself into rehab on a day where every piece of news-gathering equipment in the greater L.A. area is trained squarely on the only WeHo detainment facility that happens to come with full-time maid service and falls squarely within Why Cook?'s delivery area.