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All Da King's Men

People For A Vegetative State

By Da King Published: December 26, 2009


ruin the energy industry fix global warming climate change, but then what, other than the inevitable amendments to health care reform and cap-and-trade that will have to be implemented to deal with all the unintended consequences of those oppressive measures ?


Fruits and vegetables.

Yup. Fruits and vegetables could be the next "crisis" for the Democrats to address. Think about it. All people need food (even more than health insurance, believe it or not), and fruits and vegetables are acknowledged as the healthiest foods. All the Democrats have to do is use their standard talking points, apply them to fruits and vegetables, and voila!, a "crisis" is born ! Here's what I mean:

1. People need fruits and vegetables, but the rich have the means to purchase them in much greater quantities than do the poor. All liberals know this is not fair. I bet they could even find a study that says 40,000 people die every year from not having enough fruits and vegetables. The Dems could say Fruit And Vegetable Reform is about saving lives.

2. Evil capitalism and it's demonic sidekick, PROFIT, rear their ugly heads all along the food production cycle. Farmers (often evil corporate farmers) make profits, wholesalers make profits, truckers make profits, and grocery retailers make profits from selling lifesaving fruits and vegetables to the American people at inflated prices. This is a travesty, putting people's lives second to the almighty dollar. Liberals could propose a single-payer fruit and vegetable system to correct this outrage. Maybe they could create a couple government-sponsored enterprises to oversee the redistribution of food wealth - Fruity Mae and Veggie Mac. Sure we have the Food Stamp program already, but that's like Medicaid, woefully inadequate. Much more needs to be done. There are probably 100 million Americans who don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. The government must step in to bend down the cost curve and correct this dire situation.

3. Simply taking control of the food production cycle from A to Z is not enough. In order for the government to ensure that all Americans eat their fruits and vegetables, the government must mandate it. Americans must either eat their recommended amounts of fruits and vegetables each day or pay a fine/face imprisonment. It's for our own good, you know.

4. Huge tax increases must be implemented to pay for the government taking over all the farms, wholesalers, trucking companies, and grocery stores. When "naysayers" point out that this is socialism, liberals will laugh derisively and accuse the naysayers of being for "the failed policies of the past" for using the term "socialism," and then point out that lots of socialism already exists in America - the post office, the military, health care, General Motors, Social Security, etc. A little more socialism will surely not hurt.

5. Subsidies (welfare) will be enacted to help the poor have the same ability to acquire fruits and vegetables as the wealthy folks do. Again, this is a health and fairness issue. I know we already have tons of unfunded entitlement liabilities, but see point #4 about paying more taxes. Don't worry, only OTHER people will pay those taxes, not you. Or at least Congress will make it appear that way. They are experts at that kind of thing.

Any conservative types who oppose Fruit And Vegetable Reform will be characterized as mean, greedy, and uncaring. If any of those mean conservatives start muttering about how inefficient the enormous federal bureacracy is, or start yammering about supply and demand principles, or any stuff like that, just point out how well centralized food production and distribution has worked out elsewhere, like in the Soviet Union. On second thought, strike that, even though waiting in line six hours for a loaf of bread IS preferable to having an unfair capitalist pig, profit-based food system where almost every conceivable type of food is abundant and readily available. Remember, this is about FAIRNESS. The rich capitalist foodsters don't care about that. They only care about their big salaries and yachts.

In order to get the ball rolling, I'm urging all caring liberals to lend their financial assistance to my new lobbying group, People For A Vegetative State. You can make your checks out to me personally, and I'll see that your money goes to bribe every congressperson in sight (after a small remuneration to me for my time and efforts. I have to eat too. ). You can trust me. I'm compassionate. After all, I thought up this idea, didn't I ???

And after Fruit And Vegetable Reform passes, we'll go after the scumbags in the clothing industry. I can't afford designer labels, can you ??? Only the wealthy rapists of the proletariat can afford stuff like that. Power to the people, and dos vedanya.

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