Steve Santagati

A relationship expert sheds light on the bad boy’s psyche

In The Ugly Truth, sparks fly between a romance-challenged morning-show producer (Katherine Heigl) and a testosterone-driven TV personality (Gerard Butler) as they discover together just how shockingly different men and women can be. Butler's character bears an uncanny resemblance to Steve Santagati, self-proclaimed bad boy, model turned relationship expert, and author of The Manual, A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate and What Women Can Do to End Up on Top (2007), who happens to also serve as the resident relationship expert on the Sony Entertainment film. We consulted Steve for a look into the male psyche.

How would you characterize a "bad boy"?
Bad boys look at a relationship differently. We don't look at it as an arduous task but as a game of seduction. Bad boys are unapologetically sexy and in control. We make a woman feel comfortable being naughty or seductive or just being herself.

Why do bad boys triumph over nice guys?
Because we cater to the most visceral, biological, primal instinct in women, and that is to be with an alpha male. And for some reason, bad boys, with our arrogance, come across as alpha, and we also in a really odd way make women feel safe.

Do you think that men could benefit from a Womanual?
Look at the books that are successful with men: Pickup Artist, The Game, How to Get Laid. They're missing the point. I could teach a monkey how to get laid. It's about being with a woman, understanding how she thinks, because you're not going to be great in bed if all you're doing is getting laid. Eventually you're going to meet a woman who rocks your world and you're going to want to stay with her. But if all you're doing is reading books about getting laid, then you're not going to understand why she thinks the way she does. And I think most guys don't understand the most simple premise to making a woman happy: to make her feel beautiful.

How important is a woman's body type?
We love everything. Women start seeing the Jessica Albas and the Victoria's Secret models and think that's the only thing that guys want. Ninety-nine percent of guys aren't going to get Adriana Lima, and most girls aren't going to get a Gerard Butler. That doesn't mean they can't have a great sex life and a loving relationship.

Do you believe in soul mates or playmates?
I believe in both. Playmates have their purpose too. Love the one you're with—sometimes it's better to keep that engine warm with the act of seduction.

So playmates are both enjoyable and educational?
You can learn a lot and train, if you will, on these people. He's not my end-all/she's not my end-all, but I really like her/ he's a great guy. I'm not going to stay with him for very long, but you know what, he's a playmate and right now he's fun.

Do you think that text messages, e-mails, Tweets, and Facebook get in the way of dating?
They definitely build a wall. You'll find that a man is much more likely to be brave via text, e-mail, or Facebook. But ultimately, I don't care how you slice it, you eventually have to see the woman or man face-to-face, and if you don't have the interpersonal skills, the relationship will fail.

For more information about Steve, go to

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