Been with you folks for over 3 months now. It has been enlightening to say the least. But now, comes the time for me to "put it out there". I'm done holding it in, I feel like it could break me down again. So here we go. Apologies for my long windedness! I'm not exactly sure how, definelty not sure why, but it started when I was about 7. I loved being with my brothers, especially my oldest brother. He was my role model for sure...WAS. My parents wouldn't do much together, nor with me because of their constant fighting and of course me being a 4th boy instead of the girl they wanted, but I guess they would go out to dinner once a month to try to salvage thier pitiful relationship. This was after the 70's "marriage encounter". Otherwise it would just be the fighting. So me being 1 of six, we would all be very willing to help out by watching each other while they tried to keep their marriage from crumbling. Thats when it began, when my oldest brother almost destroyed me. Being the oldest, I guess he sent my other brothers somewhere, not sure where, never heard a thing but him. I knew something wasn't right, but his words would comfort me. He dressed in my mother's underwear, with all the trimmings. Bra, girdle, panties and then he would prance around the room, by the way the first time was actually in my mother and fathers room. He liked to show off. Then he would come over to me and tell me to slowly take off my mothers underwear. I did what he said, he would never hurt me, at least he didn't un til that day. That first time he asked me to rub his penis through my mothers panties, he said he could give me a surprise if I rubbed it long enough. For some reason, he stopped. And then as quick as it started, it ended. he went into the bathroom and came out with his clothes on and told me what a great time we had and that we could do this more. Well, he did it more, and with each time it got more and more crazy. I can remember this one time especially....He started in our basement, right after our parents left again. He again dressed up in mothers underwear, he did that every time, then after the dance he would do he laid down on the floor and told me ro rub his penis again. He got hard but before he would finish he told me this is what I've been waiting for, so he had me pull down my mother panties and stick his disgusting penis in my mouth where he finished. He said I was very lucky. Could you fucking imagine...Lucky. It got worse and worse , and with no sign of any help. I wasn't quite sure what was happening but I did what I was told. You see in my house if you didnt do waht you were told, you were beaten un til you did. So rather then risk a beating, I did it. It didnt "hurt" per se, at least not yet. So as it escalated, he would become more and more brazen. The next time he got me alone he laid on the floor, same room, and told me to pull the panties down. He told me to spread his ass cheeks apart and stick my fingers in his ass. he would moan and it scared me but he assured that it was again, a good thing. Then he would flip himself over and then he would tell me to finish him off either by hand or mouth. This would go on for a year or so. The whole time he would always say what a great time we were having.I didnt have many friends at school and with this shit going on I had none. just my brother, because he said he would take care of me and always be there for me. I mean I was only 8. I needed someone to take care of me, My parents were so self absorbed, and my other siblings either too afraid to say anything or just didnt know. My brother then started the next step in his assualt on me. Once again , parents and siblings nowhere to be found and him standing there in my mothers underwear, i knew it was about to happen, again....This time he told me to do like i did the last time, stick my fingers in his ass. He was moanign again adn again assured me of this being a good thing. In fact he told me that he could give me my "special prize" in my ass. he said that because it was bigger then a finger it would feel even better. Common sense would tell you this when your 8, i guess. So i agreed. And sure enough thats exactly what he did. Did that for about a year. About every month or so, sometimes more depending upon where everybody was. The psyhical pain was so bad that i wouldnt move my bowels for a week or more at a time. That became a problem and it ended me up at the doctor...a proctologist no less. Just another person sticking shit up my ass. I can remember the doctor telling my mother that something was wrong and that some sort of trauma was happeing to my rectum. But my mother wasnt so good at dealing with things of this nature. She didnt even ask me if anything was happening. But that night at dinner she told my father what the doc said and I would have to guess that it scared my brother enough that it all finally ended. My being able to move my bowels normally would eventually come took about 5 years. And the rest of still working on. I just cant figure out where my family was. With all my brothers and parents, no one ever heard anything or saw anything??? I mean we would sometimes be in my parents could no one ever know....what about my mothers underwear....she never noticed that it was worn, I mean my brother is a big boy... it sall too hard to believe....the wierdest thing is i actually grew closer to him before it all blew up..... it makes me dizzy thinking about it, but here it is, on paper...sort of and out there, i think i went into enough detail, you all get the point, it was hell, pure evil hell....but im no different then all of brothers in this fight.... it's over....all over

Peace to you all