Browsing articles in "Complete Idiots"

Don’t Eat the Special Brownies

One patient came in ALS and two others BLS where they were either tachycardic and hallucinating, or just plain sedated. The report from the paramedics was they all ate brownies an hour prior and began vomiting uncontrollably with syncopal episodes. The lady who was ALS has a history of cancer and saw a “naturalist” who gave her the brownies to help her with treatment. All of them had a urine tox with cannabis present.

Stretch it Out

Had some guy come in complaining of painful urination. We come to find out he had a 1lb dumbbell tied to his penis because he thought it would help enlarge it. He was immediately sent home and told there was nothing he could do about his size.

The Caravan Clan

EMT arrives on scene after a call for a 60-year-old patient with a stomach ache. EMT noted the family followed the ambulance in their SUV on way to hospital. Really? You couldn’t take him on your own?

Post-Op Rage

Received call from post-op patient enraged stating that her doctor was fired and she needed help. After calming her down she told me she was mad because apparently no one told her that she would experience pain after her surgery.

Bowel Blues

We had a patient come in with brutal abdominal pain. Turns out the guy swallowed a condom filled with cocaine which burst after several days trying to make it through his bowels. We ended up having to remove part of his intestines and the police were called to deal with the guy after release.