Arouse the Passion of Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere

Monday, March 30, 2015, 9:46 am

You may think that as long as you don't do anything to turn her off, you'll be fine. Or maybe you take the approach of doing everything possible to try to turn her on.

Turns out your best strategy is to do both. New research on female arousal says avoiding her turnoffs is just as important as hitting her hot spots.


It sounds like a lot of work, but the payoff is worth it. Read up on how to play both sides. Then reap the rewards.

Connect, Quickly


Make Your Friends Hers, Too



Notice Her Hidden Talent
Do This: Women are most receptive to praise when it reveals insight into their uncommon personality traits, Canadian researchers found. So tailor a compliment that subtly massages her ego. If she's a natural-born storyteller, say, "I could listen to you all night." You'll prove you see past her drool-inducing halter top and Wonderbra.

Not This: Give weak physical praise. If you must, emphasize superlatives: "You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen."

Seduce Her Socially
Do This: It takes the right blend of social and situational stimuli to bring a woman's sexual systems online. "A woman's inhibitory mechanisms are more controlled by social factors than a man's," says Ariely. "At first, cues such as intimacy, trust, and safety are more salient for her."

Improve your chances by using subtly protective displays of affection, such as guiding her along the sidewalk with a gentle touch on her lower back or parting the crowd in a packed bar while protecting her behind you. By forming an early, nonsexual connection, you'll warm up her sexual sensors and stave off a potential shutdown later.

Not This: Engage in bumping, grinding, groping, humping, pumping, thumping, or anything else that could end up in a 50 Cent video.

Start the Slow Burn
Do This: Close contact is crucial for a woman's arousal, but there's a difference between orbiting and attacking. Women in a Kinsey Institute focus group said being treated like a sure thing was their biggest turnoff. So be subtle. Steal up and kiss her neck while she's cooking; plant a long, lingering hello when she comes home from work; or rub her shoulders when she's fresh from the shower.

Not This: Overload her arousal sensors. Sneak attacks—in the morning before she's awake, in the elevator before she's settled at home—can slam on sexual brakes. "Her neurophysiological off switch is much more sensitive and refined," says Erick Janssen, Ph.D., of the Kinsey Institute.

Awaken Her Body
Do This: Women who viewed their own bodies in a mirror before watching erotic scenes became more physically and mentally aroused in a 2007 University of Texas at Austin study. Why? Visualization helps women warm up, says Cynthia Graham, Ph.D., an associate research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.


Not This: Go straight for her pleasure points. The longer you build anticipation, the more pleasure she'll feel once you reach her hot spots. Women in the MIT study found a range of sexual activities at least 25 percent more enticing when they were sexually aroused. "Arousal amplifies desire," says Ariely. "From considering threesomes to being tied up, people underestimated how attractive they would find such activities."