Florida`s Reign A Stormy Topic

November 08, 1985|By Bernie Lincicome.

The call came from the sunshine, wanting to know what I thought about the University of Florida being ranked at the top of college football.

I am often asked to referee such weighty concerns, so I was not entirely surprised that my opinion was needed to settle the affair.

``Do you have any problem with the Gators being ranked No. 1?`` I was asked.

It is my unerring perception of the human condition and my instinctive grasp of intricate issues that put me in such demand.

I have, in fact, never been unable to answer any question, save one. Do all the women in Wisconsin go to the same hairdresser? I have resisted phoning long distance to find out.

Why I should have a problem with Florida being No. 1 was slightly mystifying, until I recalled that the Gators were lately determined to have violated an astonishing number of college football`s rules of conduct.

Florida is the school that just a year ago earned an unprecedented reprimand from the NCAA, though its accomplishment has since been surpassed by one or two institutions in Texas. Still, it was a pioneer in its time.

This was the school that threatened to withdraw from the Southeastern Conference because it considered the punishment of its companions in the SEC to have been motivated by vengeance instead of sympathy.

Not that Florida wasn`t guilty as charged, but good old boys are supposed to stick together. Like grits.

Its deposed coach, Charley Pell, is still widely regarded as a victim rather than a villain.

Florida can`t appear on television. It can`t win the conference title. It can`t go to a bowl game. These sanctions do not preclude it, however, from not losing, which it hasn`t.

One tie, against Rutgers, is explained by the goodwill of its present coach, Galen Hall, who thought a three-touchdown lead was enough and pulled his starters in the third quarter.

Florida plays the toughest schedule in the nation, as determined by objective computers, and it is highly likely that by the end of the year, the only argument that can be used to deny its greatness is morality, or maybe Penn State.

All of this I knew. I felt a little like a parole officer passing along a reference, and I was neither flattered nor annoyed to be asked to judge the Gators, this week`s heir to fallen Iowa at the top of one of the polls.

``Which poll was that?`` I asked.

``The Associated Press.``

``The sportwriters` poll?``


I kept to myself the remembered wisdom of one of my literary heroes, that esteemed giant of letters from Indiana, Bobby Knight.

``Most of us master writing by the 4th grade and then we move on to more meaningful things,`` Knight once said.

In other words, what most sportswriters think isn`t worth the saliva it takes to make a spitball.

However, there must be exceptions, as proved by the earnest solicitation of my judgment in the matter.

Not exactly, I was told. The local paper was just sort of phoning around the country to get national reaction.

``You mean,`` I asked, ``I don`t have the last word on this?``

``Well, I`m kind of doing it by time zone and its still a little early on the Coast.``

Gripped by a sudden lack of interest, I nevertheless remained cordial.

In all its long, honest history, never had Florida been ranked No. 1. Until this week.

I suspected that the Gators, having finally achieved such lofty stature, did not really require additional support.

More likely, the Gators` good fortune is imagined to have caused widespread outrage in places where palm trees can be found only in hotel lobbies.

Enough contrary opinions would confirm what the Florida faithful already believe, that all the world is against them.

I refused to participate in so transparent a scheme.

``Has Florida given back the conference trophy it won with illegally hired children?`` I asked.

Well, no.

``If the Gators are not voted No. 1 next week,`` I said, ``I see no reason for them to step down.``

``I see what you mean.`` The clatter of a typewriter could be heard in the background.

``I imagine,`` I said, ``that Charley Pell`s mercenaries are still playing in Gainesville.``

``Some,`` I was told.

``Then,`` I said, ``they have as much right to be No. 1 as any other 11 guys you might find on a post office wall.``

I try to be fair.