Fourth one-day international, Lord's

England v Australia - as it happened!

Australia give England another tonking to take an unbeatable 4-0 series lead, Brett Lee's brilliant yorkers being by some way the best things about a total mismatch.
Matt Prior is bowled by Brett Lee
What Brett Lee did to Matt Prior's stumps. And Luke Wright's. And Stuard Broad's. And Adil Rashid's. Photograph: Philip Brown/Reuters

Preamble Hello. Since assuming the position at the feet of a sadistic Baggy Green in 1989, England have suffered some serious beastings. In the Ashes there has been a 5-0, a 4-0, three 4-1s and a 3-0. In one-day cricket they were effectively beaten 4-0 in the triangular tournament of 1990-91 and 6-0 in the triangular in 2002-03. But never before have England (or anyone as far as I'm aware; and no, I can't be bothered to check as it would take ages) lost a series 7-0. 7-0. It's the most likely result now, and it would be an interesting way to end a triumphant Ashes summer.

England have won the toss yet again and will bat first, despite the 1015am start.

Team news England have made three changes: the mentally fatigued pair of Paul Collingwood and James Anderson are rightly replaced by Joe Denly and Stuart Broad, while Adil Rashid is preferred to Graeme Swann. Australia bring back Ricky Ponting for James Hopes.

England Strauss, Denly, Bopara, Prior, Shah, Morgan, Wright, Broad, Bresnan, Rashid, Sidebottom.

Australia Watson, Paine, Ponting, White, Clarke, Ferguson, Hussey, Johnson, Lee Hauritz, Bracken.

1st over: England 5-0 (Strauss 1, Denly 4) Apologies for starting this coverage so late. You know how it is with the credit crunch: stretched resources and all that. They even got rid of my personal OBO fluffer, Brian, last week, which was a terrible blow from which I've not yet recovered. Anyway, a nice first over for England, with Joe Denly rolling the wrists on his first delivery, from Brett Lee, to send it spinning through square leg for four.

As this series is completely pointless let's pretend it isn't happening and instead go back to Happy Place. Andy Butland has sent in this fantastic tool which allows you to revisit the Ashes OBOs for each particular innings. Collingwood at Cardiff is my personal favourite.

2nd over: England 9-0 (Strauss 2, Denly 7) A relatively loose first over from Bracken includes a couple of deliveries on Strauss's pads, the second of which is tucked away for a single. Denly then drives through Johnson at mid-on for three. He has started encouragingly. "It's a good job that it's sunny," says Gary Naylor. "At this hour in mid-September, there's always the chance of bad light." I believe that showers - or rather one big, collective shower - will stop play at around 5.45pm, when Australia canter to victory with seven overs to spare.

3rd over: England 15-0 (Strauss 2, Denly 11) Brett Lee cuts Denly in half with a good one that seamed back up the hill from just short of a length. Lee then bowls a front-foot no-ball, which means a free hit. That is a wide, so Denly has another free hit, which he kitchen-sinks over the slips for four. Decent start for England. "I've taken to wearing a look of detached disinterest around the streets of Brisbane," says Phil Withall, inadvertently making himself sound like a coy hooker. "The Ashes are all that matters, I tell the locals. But being a Norwich City supporter the thought of another defeat with a 7 in it is rather worrying."

4th over: England 28-0 (Strauss 15, Denly 11) Filth from Bracken: short, wide and cut witheringly for four by Strauss. The next ball is on the pads and tucked economically for four. And two balls later Bracken feeds the Strauss cut stroke again, with predictable consequences. Why on earth would you feed that shot? It's as unforgiveable as giving a Londoner the opportunity to talk about themself for 10 minutes. A dabbed single from Strauss makes it 13 from the over. "I agree that Jimmy Anderson is mentally tired, but having taken just three Australian wickets since the mid-point of the Ashes series, 'rested' is a ego-massaging alternative to 'dropped'." It should be, but I don't think it is. Such is the current (and entirely unfathomable) Jimmy Anderson love-in that England would have to bring Trueman, Larwood and Lohmann back to life before they considered dropping him.

WICKET! England 29-1 (Denly c White b Lee 11) That's a shame. Denly throws the bat at a length delivery that moves away just enough to take the edge, and Cameron White pouches a two-handed catch at second slip. Denly kicks the ground in disgust.

5th over: England 29-1 (Strauss 16, Bopara 0) Heeeeeeere's Ravi. "Let's face it, as it were, Strauss hasn't a clue about how to do one day cricket," says Keith Flett. "Time for Mike Brearley to be appointed to advise on style and leadership. If that's done today England might get a token victory at Chester Le Street."

6th over: England 35-1 (Strauss 21, Bopara 1) Bracken, who bowled two shoddy overs for 17, is replaced by Mitchell Johnson, but his second ball is on Strauss's pads and put away with the minimum of fuss. How long can a purple patch last? Twenty years in Don Bradman's case. Strauss has been in sumptuous nick for nearly a year now. I can't remember a longer purple patch for an English batsman since Graham Gooch in the early Nineties. Any other suggestions? I suppose Vaughan from June 2002 to May 2003 wasn't bad, on reflection. "Dearest Rob," lies Mac Millings. ""I surely can't be the first to question your assertion that 7-0 is the 'most likely result'. Any side can have an off day, and if they do, I'm pretty sure it's in the Rules of the Game somewhere that you can get two points for the win if you give a team the kind of beating that this England side is begging for. My prediction, therefore: 8-0 Australia. At least."

7th over: England 39-1 (Strauss 21, Bopara 4) Lee starts his fourth over with another front-foot no-ball. "I'm sorry," says Mikey Holding, turning into Ian Botham. "If I was the captain I'd have to ask some questions. This is unacceptable." Bopara lifts the free hit, a slower low full toss on leg stump, over midwicket for a couple. England are rubbish with free hits. If the object of their desire gave them a free touch they'd probably just shake hands. Later in the over Bopara edges on the bounce to the diving Ponting at third slip, who did really well to save four. It's good to have the great man back.

8th over: England 45-1 (Strauss 26, Bopara 5) Strauss walks across his stumps and pings Johnson through midwicket for the fifth boundary of an impressively assertive innings. "Maybe the 7-0 shellacking could turn out to be a god thing," says Robin Hazlehurst. "It will give England some humility and perspective after winning the Ashes and temper expectations about the winter tour. Because it would only end in tears and embarrassment if an England team were ever to go to South Africa believing they can beat the best in the world." You're right. England are going to get a very unpleasant beating in that Test series, never mind the one-dayers.

9th over: England 54-1 (Strauss 31, Bopara 9) Strauss gloves an attempted pull at Lee just wide of Paine, diving a long way to his right, and away for four. He was beaten for pace. Later in the over Bopara tickles Lee for four, and England are flying. Well, by their standards: a run a ball in the first 10 overs should be the norm, but for this England side it is revelatory. "No idea how long Strauss's purple patch will go on for but in the deep recesses of my memory I remember an OBO correspondent (not sure if it was you - Booth maybe? Rookwood?!) wondering exactly the same thing about the same player towards the end of the last South African tour in 04/05," says Dave Voss. "So, in answer to the last Englishman to have a purple patch like this - I'd say Strauss from debut through to the 2005 Ashes." Good point. When he's good, he's very very etc. That woeful spell in 2006-07, when he could hardly get it off the square, seems a long time ago now. I still don't think he's playing quite as well in terms of fluency as he did in 2004-05 - I watched that video recently and his strokeplay was unbelievable - but there is possibly an even greater certainty about his work.

10th over: England 59-1 (Strauss 36, Bopara 9) Shane Watson, who has been hugely impressive with the ball in this series, replaces the errant Johnson (2-0-12-0). His first ball, to Strauss, is in the slot and dumped through midwicket for four with regal contempt. This looks a very good track; maybe a 300 pitch. "Where have all the swingers gone?" says Gary Naylor, looking down at his nether regions with this expression. "It's never been an Australian strength, but, aside from a spell from Jimmy and a spell from Broad, England haven't got it to curve in the air either. If you can't swing it at Lord's before 11.00am in September, you can't swing it anywhere. Too much net bowling and not enough middle bowling is the cause in my opinion."

11th over: England 64-1 (Strauss 40, Bopara 10) Australia inevitably take their bowling Powerplay. Strauss, beaten for pace by Johnson's short ball, loops one gently and safely into the off side. A lucky escape indeed. Five from the over, none of them in boundaries. "Why don't the England selectors just pick the best Test batsmen for the odi squad?" asks George Harvey. "Strauss has easily been England's best batmen so far in this series (not saying much), and he was deemed not a one day player. Bring in Cook & Trott, get rid Shah & Morgan. If Wright plays, he plays as a bowler, who can bat & gets 10 overs." It's interesting that probably England's best one-day side of the decade, that which played Australia in 2005, was basically the Test team plus Paul Collingwood. But back then they had a very good Test team; they don't now. I personally reckon picking the likes of Shah and Morgan is the way to go. We keep looking for solutions to England's 50-over problem, but the simple fact is that they just aren't very good. It is impossible to make a silk purse out of this lot.

12th over: England 69-1 (Strauss 42, Bopara 13) England are slowly moving into singles mode now. There were three in that over from Watson, plus a sharp two. "Wasn't Michael Vaughan in incredible form from about summer 2002 until he became captain?" says Michael Scallon. "Anyway, Strauss is probably more comparable to Gooch in style and 'you might as well stop trying to get me out' stoicism, whereas Vaughan was more like a right handed David Gower." Ah, those three hundreds in Australia. Just thinking about them, about that swivel-pull and that cover-drive, makes me warm and fuzzy. Yes, I probably do need to get out more, or indeed at all.

13th over: England 72-1 (Strauss 44, Bopara 14) A good over from Johnson. Just three from it. This is, despite all appearances to the contrary, a Powerplay. "'How long can a purple patch last?' you asked in the 6th over," says Mac Millings. "In my experience the answer is 'until you finish the entire course of antibiotics'. Which leads me to my next question, 'How long before the itch goes away and all that weird, gray flaky skin drops off?'"

14th over: England 80-1 (Strauss 45, Bopara 20) Watson's second ball is on the pads and kissed fine for four by Bopara, and a dabbed single from Strauss brings up a very decent fifty partnership from just 55 balls. "What about the Durban Test match on that 2004-05 tour?" says Paul Frame. "It's quite possibly the finest Test match England have played this decade in my very humble (and frequently wrong) opinion." There is a not entirely absurd argument that winning in South Africa was a greater achievement, or at least a greater exhibition of mental strength than winning the Ashes. But that's one for another day. Was Durban the drawn second Test? The toughness they showed in that match made us realise England were finally a serious team. I can't think of another England side in my cricket-watching lifetime that would have avoided defeat in that game, never mind get in a position where they probably would have won it but for bad light.

15th over: England 84-1 (Strauss 46, Bopara 24) Hauritz, this admirably crafty off-spinner, comes into the attack. He beats Bopara second ball with a wider delivery that went straight on, but Bopara flaps the next one classily through extra cover for four. Bopara then edges a big drive on the bounce to short third man. So that's the end of the bowling Powerplay. "I was at the front of the queue to drop Strauss in 2006-07 because his weight transfer was all wrong which meant that his arms and legs were all wrong too," says Gary Naylor. "Since then, he has worked out a game that has the combination of economy of movement and discipline in shot selection that reminds me of Stephen Waugh, as does his phlegmatic approach to the game. Like Waugh, it took Strauss a long time to develop this game, during which he also developed the mental discipline to be satisfied with it. Strauss can write a big chapter in English batsmanship over the next four years." Agree with all of that, especially the Waughish discipline. I also think it took him a long time to get over the absence of Trescothick, whose jet-propelled batting allowed Strauss to bat in a guilt-free bubble. I think for a while, as the senior partner once Cook came in, he felt compelled to force the pace, most obviously in Australia in 2006-07.

16th over: England 89-1 (Strauss 51, Bopara 24) A cracking swivel-pull for four off Watson brings Strauss to a 48-ball fifty of extremely high quality. He is playing incredibly well, and because of that he needs to go on and make a century. It's drinks. Who needs one? "Just thought I'd inform you that my OBO T-shirt arrived yesterday," says John Starbuck. "I'm wearing it now and it's working i.e. a lovely sunny day with hardly a cloud here in Yorkshire. Incidentally, the highlights of this series on Five are being shown past midnight, but they're also repeating them! Why?" It's that or Prisoner Cell Block H, I presume. So, yeah, good question. Prisoner Cell Block H terrified me as a child. I attribute at least 0.00001% of my ineptitude with the fairer sex to the horrors that show inflicted on an impressionable mind.

17th over: England 91-1 (Strauss 52, Bopara 25) Two from Hauritz's over. Anyone out there?

18th over: England 95-1 (Strauss 55, Bopara 26) Nathan Bracken replaces Shane Watson (4-0-23-0), and we are well and truly into the middle overs. Four from this one. I wonder when England will take their Powerplay this time. The 51st over, probably. Anyway, Strauss has 55 from 58 and Bopara 26 from 35.

WICKET! England 96-2 (Bopara LBW b Hauritz 26) Gee this Hauritz fella is good. He completely outthought Bopara there with a quicker, straight delivery that zipped onto the pad as Bopara tried to sweep. He was a decent way forward but that looked plumb by 21st-century standards. Hawkeye confirms it would have hit leg three-fifths of the way up. Superb bowling from Hauritz and yet another. nothing score for Bopara.

19th over: England 96-2 (Strauss 56, Prior 0) Prior comes in at No4. That's a shame. I'd like England to be flexible and bring in Shah in a situation like this, with the spinner settling in for a long spell. Anyway Prior, pushing with hard hands, snicks his second ball just short of slip.

20th over: England 100-2 (Strauss 58, Prior 2) Just four from Bracken's over, in which Prior is beaten by a bit of late seam movement. England have stalled since the drinks break: they are 11 for one from four overs. But they are still in a decent position to get around 280. "Probably not a coincidence that Trescothick stood at the other end for two of the great English purple patches," says Michael Scallon. "He was like England's Sehwag at times, and bullied world-class attacks into submission, that SA tour being a prime example. And he could play spinners. And he could score ODI hundreds, sat on his own in the pantheon of English ODI greats, waiting for Flintoff and Pietersen to retire." Don't forget Jazzer Fleming.

21st over: England 102-2 (Strauss 59, Prior 3) A good and varied over from Hauritz, mostly to the palpably nervous Prior, brings just two runs. "Can you remember what brand of crisps is it that makes me think Cheese and Onion whenever I see the Ozzlers in their green and gold pyjamas?" says Iain Little. "And what flavour would England be? I reckon salt and shake. Bit too much faffing around with something that should be simple, result of which is some completely unsalted crisps, and some far too salty. When really what you're after is a nice light snack, you're confronted instead by a challenge to do the simplest thing. Whereas those pragmatic Ozzlers opt for the simplicity and effectiveness of the Cheese and Onion: does the job, but leaves a rather unpleasant taste in the mouth."

22nd over: England 104-2 (Strauss 60, Prior 4) Two from Bracken's over. England have scored 15 in the last six overs. Shall I start making it up?

23rd over: England 106-2 (Strauss 61, Prior 5) Hauritz is too cute for Prior at the moment. I really think England missed a trick by not bringing in Shah to hustle the spinner. I can see no good reason why a one-day line-up should be set in stone. Hauritz's figures are 5-0-11-1 and England are 17 for one from seven overs since drinks.

24th over: England 110-2 (Strauss 63, Prior 7) It'll be spin at both ends, with Michael Clarke at both ends. Just four no-risk singles from the over. How many times have we seen this: England being worked over by spinners in the middle overs? It's been a constant throughout my teenage and adult life, jostling for position at the top table with regret, guilt, shame and Dawson's Creek. Zimbabwe's Mark Dekker was my particular favourite.

WICKET! England 111-3 (Strauss c Bracken b Hauritz 63) While England do play spin in the middle overs like a man struggling with a soapy marmot in the bath, we must applaud the enterprise, intelligence and variety of Hauritz. I think he's had a fantastic tour - and he has just picked up the big wicket once again. With the pressure mounting, Strauss went for an ugly hoick across the line and could only slice it straight to short third man. He made 63, as he did at the Rose Bowl, and England are on their way to defeat, as they were at the Rose Bowl.

25th over: England 112-3 (Prior 9, Shah 0) In nine overs since the drinks break, England have scored 22 runs for the loss of two wickets. Hauritz's figures are 6-0-13-2. Those numbers need no further comment from me. "Q: What's the best way to get Ravi Bopara off a playground swing?" says Will Davies. "A: Hit him in the face with an axe."

26th over: England 118-3 (Prior 12, Shah 3) Six from Clarke's over, none in boundaries. "Even in a purple patch, Strauss doesn't play match-winning one-day innings," wrote Tim de Lisle a moment before Strauss's dismissal. "His conversion rate of 50s to 100s, so strong in Tests, is feeble in one-dayers - three hundreds in 89 games, all against minnows (Bangladesh or West Indies). He's the kind of player opposing captains are happy to give 50 to. And there he goes." I'd take 63 from 75 in most games, provided he has the right people around him. Which of course he doesn't at the moment. I've never been entirely convinced that he is a one-day player, especially in view of the fact that the next World Cup is on the subcontinent, but if England didn't have him now they would struggle to get 200. There are so many problems in this team that, when I start to think about one of them, my brain wanders onto another problem and then another one until it starts to really hurt.

27th over: England 121-3 (Prior 12, Shah 4) Shah should give England some much-needed oomph. Hauritz goes straight around the wicket to him, and Shah stings the fingers of Clarke at extra cover with a fierce drive. There are three singles from the over, and I can't remember the last boundary. Ah, it was Strauss's pull in the 16th over. "In a forlorn bid to rescue the moribund crisp riff, I think Iain Little is referring to Quavers - which actually sounds rather more like something England would do in pursuit of a gettable total," says Paul Bacon.

28th over: England 129-3 (Prior 19, Shah 7) A boundary! Prior rocks back to cut Clarke well behind square. It's the first four for 75 balls. Eight from the over and that, surely, must be par for England against the fifth bowler.

29th over: England 133-3 (Prior 21, Shah 8) Hauritz bowls a big front-foot no-ball, but Shah can only crunch the free hit to long on for a single. "As another post-powerplay 'go slow' stumbles along, is there any merit in suggesting that teams be required to use their powerplay overs before, say, the 40th over or lose them?" says Liam O'Meara. "It might liven things up in the middle overs, or at the very least require the bowling captain to think a bit more, rather than just handing the ball to assorted spinners or Collingwood/Hopes-type trundlers." I wouldn't be averse to that. Maybe even by the 30th over. If 50-over cricket is to survive and then thrive, something must be done about overs 15-40. At the moment it is torpor bordering on torture.

30th over: England 138-3 (Prior 23, Shah 10) Bracken replaces Clarke and starts around the wicket with his usual mix of cutters and even slower balls. Five from the over. There are 20 overs to go, and England need to at least double their score to be competitive.

31st over: England 139-3 (Prior 24, Shah 11) Hauritz beats Shah completely with a quicker one that goes straight on past the off stump. In that over he varied his pace from 49-61mph; just two from the over and his figures are 9-0-22-2. Game-changing stuff. "As Hauritz has just shown, it should be Rashid and Swann, not instead of," says Tim de Lisle. Is it me or are teams getting worse at reading pitches? As I typed that I was reminded of England picking four seamers and Ian Salisbury on a Calcutta dustbowl in 1992-93, but there do seem to be more mistakes these days.

32nd over: England 146-3 (Prior 29, Shah 11) An appeal for a stumping is referred as a matter of courtesy when Prior misses a push at Bracken, but his back foot remained grounded. Prior responds by going a long way across his stumps to the next ball and flapping it over his right shoulder for four. You can see the headlines: England batsman in unorthodoxy scandal. "Not quite the Dilscoop," says Mike Atherton, "but not far off it." "Re: your comment in the 25th over, let's not write England off too quickly, otherwise I have nothing else to look forward to for the rest of the afternoon," says Robin La Roca. "I was hoping to write them off in about half an hour or so."

WICKET! England 146-4 (Prior b Lee 29) If it seemed strange to remove the excellent Hauritz with just one over left in his spell, it didn't take long for Brett Lee to justify the decision: his first ball was a majestic inswinging yorker that cleaned Matt Prior up emphatically. Just a wonderful delivery. There is nothing more thrilling in an ODI than seeing a fast bowler come back for a short second spell, hunting wickets, at around the 34th over. Wasim Akram famously did it in the 1992 World Cup final, and Brett Lee has done it throughout his career. (My favourite was in the first CB Series final of 2006-07.) Marvellous stuff.

33rd over: England 146-4 (Shah 11, Morgan 0) And so England have to start again, and that's a wicket maiden from Lee. In the last 17 overs England have scored 57 for the loss of three wickets. Meanwhile, the camera cuts to the former England captain and BBC anchor Tony Lewis, nursing a pencil-thin champagne glass. "Get a slurp in!" chuckles Bumble in the Sky commentary box. "Early doors!"

34th over: England 149-4 (Shah 13, Morgan 1) With the ball reversing, but due to be changed after this over, Ponting turns to Mitchell Johnson. Shah has been very cautious in this innings, probably driven into his shell by the slightly harsh criticism he has received during this series, and takes just a single from the second ball. Johnson then has a big shout for LBW against Morgan. That was a very good shout: although it was given as runs there was no inside-edge - the bat hit the bat and whirled around, as with Ponting during his dismissal in the first innings of the Lord's Test - and although it might just have been sneaking down leg, it was extremely tight.

35th over: England 150-4 (Shah 14, Morgan 1) After that little burst of pace, Hauritz's finishes a superb spell with a fine over to Shah. One ball beat the outside edge; another brought a huge appeal for caught-behind from Paine (though not Hauritz) - and you can see why, because replays showed a clear edge as Shah pushed forward. So Hauritz ends with outstanding figures of 10-0-24-2. England were guilty of allowing him to bowl; nonetheless, he did so superbly.

36th over: England 152-4 (Shah 15, Morgan 2) Shane Watson returns to the attack and concedes just two runs. Morgan has scored 2 from 15 balls and Shah 15 from 33. England are almost in reverse: in the last 20 overs they have scored 63 for three.

37th over: England 159-4 (Shah 16, Morgan 8) Mitchell Johnson returns to the attack and hurries a bouncer onto Morgan, who is lucky that his mishook falls just short of White, running in from midwicket. Later in the over he punches Johnson pleasantly down the ground for four, the first boundary since we found out who shot JR. "Can't you invent some action?" says Eamonn Maloney. "Call an imaginary chess game or something? 'Knight to Bishop's 4! Unbelievable bravado from the Czech!' ... the West Midlothian Senior's Gin Rummy semi-finals? Anything!"

38th over: England 165-4 (Shah 21, Morgan 9) Shah pulls Watson for four, his first boundary from his 36th delivery. He does his best to run himself out next ball after a hopeless mix-up, but Hauritz at point missed the stumps at the bowler's end. Finally Morgan is beaten by a good one that moves away just a touch.

39th over: England 172-4 (Shah 24, Morgan 13) "Abject misery compounded by inevitability," says Will Davies. "Seeing as the next ODI will be a dead rubber, we might as well field the following XI to inject a bit of shemozzle into our shizzle: Boycott, C Broad, Close, Jardine, Greig, Raymond Illingworth (c), Nixon, Irani, Cork, Sidebottom, Trueman. If only to see Illingworth inform Trueman that he's being taken off for Ronnie Irani."

WICKET! England 173-5 (Morgan st Paine b Bracken 13) Eoin Morgan is stumped off a wide. It's brilliant work from Tim Paine, who took the ball down the leg side and had the bails off in one smooth movement before Morgan, who had overbalanced, could drag his front foot back into the crease. It was very tight, and that just emphasises what a wonderfully deft piece of wicketkeeping it was from Paine. As leg-side stumpings go, it wasn't quite as good as Healy off Bevan at Old Trafford in 1997, but it was still top-drawer. He has had a fine series with the gloves.

40th over: England 176-5 (Shah 26, Wright 1) "Same old mid-innings crisis for England," sighs Tim de Lisle. "I reckon it's been 11-1-23-3 for the bowlers at one end (immaculate Hauritz + one great ball from Lee) and 11-0-47-0 at the other. All the talk has been of England's struggles against Hauritz and Lee, but 47 off 11 overs of innocuous seam at the other end is match-losing stuff too. Four an over ought to be the base rate with the field spread and wickets in hand. That's England's problem in one-day cricket: even their better efforts are not good enough. It's Groundhog Day, as Strauss himself said. Without the jokes." And with all the charm of most remakes.

41st over: England 179-5 (Shah 28, Wright 2) Wright inside-edges Johnson into the ground and over the stumps. I presume that as soon as he gets his eye in England will take the Powerplay. It's all academic. What a dispiriting business this is. Three from the over. Three from the over. "Has someone at the Irish cricket board upset the ECB?" asks Kevin Wilson. "Any more decent Irish players we can call up and the dump when they're clearly not good enough at the highest level of international cricket? Has Geoff Miller got the numbers of Niall O'Brien and Boyd Rankin?" He struggled today, but I hope England give Morgan a run. He is unorthodox, and England desperately need that in what is a horribly compliant middle order.

42nd over: England 190-5 (Shah 34, Wright 7) England have taken their Powerplay to almost sarcastic applause. Lee starts this spell as he did the previous one, with a fabulous inswinging yorker. This time Shah manages to squeeze it into the covers for a single. Wright hammers the next ball, a slower one, back whence it came for four, almost through Lee's outstretched right hand. Finally Shah pulls crisply for four to make it 11 from the over.

43rd over: England 200-5 (Shah 39, Wright 12) To stand any chance of winning, I think England need to score 10 an over for the rest of the innings; 270 might just be defendable on a slowish pitch. This is all so horribly irrelevant that I feel vaguely idiotic typing it; it's almost poignant, like when you hear someone loudly discussing what they will do when they win the lottery. The humble fantasy of a competent England one-day side. Anyway here's Watson, replacing Johnson. His second ball is a swinging full toss that Shah, on the walk, slams through the covers for four. Then Wright, who has had a decent series, makes room to skim another boundary square on the off side. Eleven from the over and at least England are making good use of the Powerplay. It's amazing what happens when you take it with batsmen at the crease.

WICKET! England 200-6 (Wright b Lee 12) Another magnificent delivery from Lee: full, straight and too much for Luke Wright, who yorked himself by moving a fraction out of his crease. With 17 balls of the Powerplay remaining, that's a good breakthrough for Australia because Wright is England's best death-hitter.

WICKET! England 202-7 (Broad b Lee 2) Sensational stuff from Brett Lee! Broad's second ball is far too hot to handle, full of a good length, blisteringly quick and homing in on leg stump. Broad gave himself too much room and the leg stump went flying.

44th over: England 206-7 (Shah 39, Rashid 4) So let's get this straight. Tim Bresnan was preferred to Adil Rashid because England wanted to bolster their batting when Stuart Broad was injured. But now Rashid is batting above Bresnan? I give up. Rashid snicks Lee's final ball just wide of Paine for four to get off the mark.

WICKET! England 206-8 (Shah c Ferguson b Watson 39) This gets better. From the first ball of Watson's over, Shah pulls a full toss straight to midwicket. He loitered at the crease, wondering whether it would be called no-ball for being over waist height, but the umpires eventually sent him on his way. Replays show it was a fraction above waist height when he hit it, so Shah has yet another hard-luck story to go in his increasingly overpopulated library.

45th over: England 211-8 (Rashid 4, Bresnan 5) What an abject farce. They were 89 for one after 16 overs! "Shame you corrected the typo," says Eamonn Maloney, who has come to expect certain values from the Guardian. "Death-hitte' sounded like a sub-genre of German metal, or perhaps a Rammstein song."45th over: England 211-8 (Rashid 4, Bresnan 5)

WICKET! England 212-9 (Rashid b Lee 4) This is a pleasure to watch. Brett Lee gets his five-for, and you don't really need me to tell you how. It was another perfect inswinging yorker and Rashid, making room, couldn't jab his bat down in time. Magnificent stump-busting from Lee. What an infectious, eternally young chap he is. One of the good guys.

46th over: England 218-9 (Bresnan 10, Sidebottom 1) Lee bowls another front-foot no-ball, and Bresnan makes room to drive the free hit for four. Good shot. "When Bresnan was prefered to Rashid because of 'balance' I think it was more the balance of the attack," says Ben Shepherd. "England won't go with just two seamers, hence Bresnan playing instead of Swann today." England said it was about rebalancing the side, which included bringing in an extra batsman (Wright batted at No6 in thef first game). I suppose had the batsmen not performed so badly in the last two games they would have gone back to that set up. I haven't got a clue. And in that, I suspect I'm not alone.

WICKET! England 220 all out (Sidebottom b Johnson 2) Sidebottom misses a straight one, and that's the end of a hopelessly inadequate performance from England. There was some excellent bowling from Lee (5 for 49) and Hauritz (2 for 23), but England are dreadful. Thanks for your emails; please join Simon Burnton in half an hour's time.


Bonus second preamble! OK, so it's a lovely early autumn afternoon in London, the wicket's pretty benign, England have cobbled together a lamentable total and the stage is set for an Aussie cakewalk. But there's a chance for at least one Englishman to emerge from the day with some credit – by winning our unique "so how long's it going to take the Aussies to knock off 221 runs?" prediction competition! I want to know precisely how many overs and balls it's going to take them, and you've got until the end of the third over to tell me. Whoever comes closest wins timeless international recognition on this very web page. It's not much, but it's the best I can do. Well, it's the best I can do without actually doing anything at all.

Think today couldn't get any worse? Try watching the entire Australian innings with the volume turned right down while constantly replaying this execrable pile of arse as a soundtrack. Is this not the worst song of the entire year? Or, quite possibly, ever? It's enough to make me weep with sentimental emotion at the comparitive brilliance of Right Said Fred, and anyone who can do that deserves immediate exile.

STOP PRESS! GENUINE COMPETITION PRIZE! Whoever wins our prediction competition, or if no one comes close enough to be reasonably classified as "winners", whoever cheers me up most over the next few hours, will receive through their postbox in the next few days a copy of You are the Umpire, signed - signed - by John Holder. So what are you waiting for?

1st over: Australia 7-0 (Watson 6, Paine 1) Broad takes the ball for the first over. Nothing much happens in it, but for Watson's smart flick for four. Keep those entries coming in, punters!

2nd over: Australia 8-0 (Watson 7, Paine 1) Sidebottom's first over doesn't have much by way of aggression, but it doesn't feature much by way of runs either, so it's about even. Over to Jen Oram for some optimistic (but unarguable, though I could quibble over the words "very much") match analysis. "England batted very much better today. At the Rose Bowl every man jack gave his wicket away. Today it took some seriously good deliveries from Lee (and some not really that great ones from Hauritz, admittedly). Plus I thought Shah was unlucky. Okay, there are still problems, but unplayable balls and umpire errors are the ones batsmen can do least about. This was a more heartening performance all round. Still not good enough, mind. But better."

3rd over: Australia 12-0 (Watson 11, Paine 1) Watson plays and misses when Broad gets some movement off the seam with his first ball. Then the second, much straighter, is dealt with very uncomfortably. But Rachi misfields to hand Watson a couple of bonus runs off the fifth, crafted towards third man. Hearteningly, we have 100% disapproval of Sugababes' latest Top 10 "smash".

4th over: Australia 14-0 (Watson 12, Paine 2) Just the two runs off the over. "May I open the controversy box and suggest that, while your Sugababes thing is indeed execrable-song-of-the-year favourite, the biggest load of musical tosh ever has to be True by Spandau Ballet?" writes Luke Williams. "I mean, 'Why do I find it hard to write the next line?'. It's because you're a crap songwriter, idiot." It's an interesting point, but I don't want to open this up to a worst-song-ever debate, because: a) we only have 50 overs. Maximum. And b) it's the Birdie Song, and everyone knows it.

5th over: Australia 20-0 (Watson 17, Paine 3)
Broad has a decent lbw shout with a 93.1mph fifth ball, but it probably was going down the leg side (update: hawkeye has it clipping leg stump, just). The final ball goes for four, thwacked over mid wicket.

6th over: Australia 23-0 (Watson 19, Paine 4) The prediction competition is now officially closed. I've basically ignored the last couple of overs in order to put together this table, so everyone who's entered can see precisly where they stand. Sorry if anything enormously interesting happened, but I'm pretty sure it didn't.

48.1 - Mark Fancome
47.1 - Eamonn Maloney
45.3 - Mike Short
45.2 - Mark McBeath
43.4 - David Wall
43.2 - Ben Shepherd
43.2 - Matthew Pennington
42.4 - Mark Hughes
41.2 - Robin Stevens
41.1 - Adrian Cameron
40.4 - Chris Pearce
40.3 - Stephen Fern
39.5 - Marion Hutt
38.3 - Ben Parker
37.3 - Cheri Powers
37.3 - Mark Ward (who's actually predicting a draw)
36.2 - Luke Williams
35.0 - Mark Taylor
32.3 - Tom V d Gucht
32.4 - Ben Dunn
31.2 - Matt Nottingham

7th over: Australia 32-0 (Watson 24, Paine 5) The first ball is edged but with only one slip the odds aren't in England's favour, and it pootles away through what would have been third slip, for a single. Watson thwacks the second away for four. OK, I've accepted a few more entries for the competition, from Mark Taylor (are you different Mark Taylors? Or the same one, sneakily using two email accounts?), David Jarman and Nicky Turner, but that's it now, geddit?

8th over: Australia 41-0 (Watson 25, Paine 13) After the third ball, the ball is returned from midwicket, a gentle, looping toss, and Sidebottom turns his back on it, puts his hands over his head and gets hit on the leg, while looking like a startled schoolgirl. If he's embarrassed about that, it gets worse: His next two deliveries go for four. Still no sign of these wickets we'll be needing.

The final, I'm-not-updating-this-again prediction table:
48.1 - Mark Fancome
47.1 - Eamonn Maloney
46.3 - Rob Dodd
45.3 - Mike Short
45.2 - Mark McBeath
43.4 - David Wall
43.2 - Ben Shepherd
43.2 - Matthew Pennington
42.4 - Mark Hughes
41.4 - Nicky Turner
41.3 - David Jarman
41.2 - Robin Stevens
41.1 - Adrian Cameron
40.4 - Chris Pearce
40.3 - Stephen Fern
39.5 - Marion Hutt
38.3 - Ben Parker
37.3 - Cheri Powers
37.3 - Mark Ward (who's actually predicting a draw)
36.2 - Luke Williams
36.2 - Mark Taylor
35.0 - Mark Taylor
32.3 - Tom V d Gucht
32.4 - Ben Dunn
31.2 - Matt Nottingham

9th over: Australia 47-0 (Watson 26, Paine 18) Tim Bresnan is into the attack for the 10th over.

WICKET! Australia 51-1 (Watson lbw b Bresnan 26) Nearly immediate success for Brendan, Watson absolutely plum. Just nine to go!

10th over: Australia 51-1 (Paine 21, Ponting 0) For Bresnan's first delivery England have three fielders outside the circle and give away a loopy no-ball. Still, there's a wicket to cheer everyone up. A bit. The absence of Gary Naylor from our prediction competition has been noted. I don't know what's wrong with him either.

11th over: Australia 61-1 (Paine 29, Ponting 1)
Rashid comes into the attack, and England take the powerplay. His fourth ball is ludicrously wide down the leg side, and goes for four byes. The next is also wide. I've got nothing against the Sugababes, either. I bought one of their albums once. OK, it was cheap, but I listened to it. Several times. It wasn't that bad.

12th over: Australia 65-1 (Paine 32, Ponting 2) Broad misfields to hand Paine a second run from the first ball of the over. Well, why not? Give 'em two. Five. 50. Some of us have got homes to go to.

13th over: Australia 74-1 (Paine 40, Ponting 3) Rachid's first over was a bit erratic, but he's much more disciplined this time. He still gets stroked, styled and noodled all over the place, Paine getting one four with the slightest possible touch which sends the ball straight through Prior.

14th over: Australia 86-1 (Paine 41, Ponting 14) Excellent fielding from Eoin Margan denies Ponting a boundary off the first ball, and even better off an almost identical shot off the fourth. The sixth is ludicrously misfielded to turn a dot ball into a four. Swings and roundabouts, you see.

15th over: Australia 88-1 (Paine 43, Ponting 14)
Very good over from Rachid. Well, good if we were just trying to limit Australia's scoring. Pretty useless if we're trying to get them all out.

16th over: Australia 98-1 (Paine 44, Ponting 23) The first ball of Bresnan's over is a little short, and pulled for four by Ponting, who couldn't look more comfortable if he was sporting slippers and smoking a pipe while sitting by the hearth reading the paper.

17th over: Australia 100-1 (Paine 45, Ponting 24) David Jarman writes: "Am I the only one to wonder if the final result [of our unique and mildly exciting prediction competition] is going to be the average of all those guesses? Given that The Guardian has been live blogging this week's Derren Brown thing, it's a bit weird that we could be seeing it in action. I feel quite excited to be part of it. What's the average?" Anyone care to work it out?

18th over: Australia 104-1 (Paine 48, Ponting 25) Shah gets called upon to twirl a few off-breaks. One Englishman did show the Aussies how it's done on a sporting field today, by the way - fast forward to 4min 20sec through this. Drinks are being taken.

WICKET! Australia 108-2 (Paine c Prior b Rashid 51) Having just completed his half-century (off 60 balls, his first in ODIs), Paine gets a sweep wrong, clips the ball up off his pads and Prior takes the catch. At the end of the 19th over, the score is unchanged at 108-2.

20th over: Australia 110-2 (Ponting 27, Clarke 1)
Sunilx has done some maths. "Got my anorak out especially for this. Median (the one in the middle) prediction is 41.1, the arithmetic mean is 38.4 (approx)." Andrew Harris has also done some maths. "Average is 40.2," he reports. Eh? Rob Dodd and Matt Nottingham also get 40.2, the latter continuing to calculate that, at their current rate of 5.78 runs an over, Australia will win after 38.2 overs. Two off the over.

21st over: Australia 113-2 (Ponting 29, Clarke 3)
Apparently, says Nick Knight, "even if Australia win" there'll be "a lot to play for" with "three big games" to come. Have Sky got some advertising to flog or something? "Following on from Derren Brown, I think I am going to use Bopara's scores for my lottery pick," writes Adrian Cameron. "Although why my lottery card has numbers from 30-49 on I am not sure."

22nd over: Australia 120-2 (Ponting 34, Clarke 4) Shah continues. The spinners are getting some movement, and Ponting's four off the last ball is the only non-single for a little while.

23rd over: Australia 125-2 (Ponting 34, Clarke 9) After three dots, the fourth ball is spanked by Clarke back over Rashid's head for four. Australia are taking their time here, and having a great deal more fun than I am. Sunilx has put new batteries in his calculator and agrees that the average prediction is 40.2 overs. Luke Wright is coming on.

24th over: Australia 128-2 (Ponting 35, Clarke 11)
Ponting flicks the second ball off his pads to Bresnan at short leg, but the ball lands about a foot in front of the fielder. There is, though, a murmur of excitement from the stands, which is the first I've heard of them for a while.

25th over: Australia 139-2 (Ponting 37, Clarke 20)
Rashid continues, and Clarke is almost run out trying to scamper a second off the second ball, but Prior doesn't take the ball cleanly. I'm quite glad we've got this prediction competition to talk about, because there's naff all happening at Lord's, but for a long and not particularly interesting stroll to success by a pretty good Australian team.

26th over: Australia 142-2 (Ponting 37, Clarke 22) "Simon old bean," writes Eamonn Maloney, "I don't s'pose there's any chance of revising one's prediction? Finger slipped on the keyboard, you see..." Er, no. The Aussies take four runs off Wright's first three balls, then just block the next three.

27th over: Australia 149-2 (Ponting 39, Clarke 27) Sidebottom comes back, changing from the Pavilion to the Nursery End. Clarke edges his third delivery but it's just too wide of Strauss at first slip, and goes for four. Everyone agrees that Ben Parker is currently looking smug, his prediction apparently most likely to come good. There's a long way to go yet, though. Sadly.

28th over: Australia 153-2 (Ponting 43, Clarke 27) Wright's first ball flies just over Sidebottom's outstretched hand at mid-off (it's not just his hand at mid-off, it's the whole of him, but his hand's the important bit here) and zips away for four. And it's a warm welcome back to Gary Naylor! "Sad to see that I've missed out on an OBO competition, but not that I've missed a shower ruining another ODI," he notes. "I've been at the theatre watching Pinocchio, in which a lump of wood is turned into a naughty boy who later learns that discipline is the key to success in life. I think if you write Pinocchio backwards, it spells R-a-v-i B-o-p-a-r-a." Er, o-i-h-c ... er ...

29th over: Australia 156-2 (Ponting 44, Clarke 29)
"Can someone tell Nick Knight that his ridiculously optimistic approach to commentary makes this even more depressing," opines Phil Bell. That's right, opines. "Loads of empty guff about looking for positives – apparently we played Lee's yorker correctly today. You know he's bad when you're relieved to hear Beefy replace him. PS I've got tickets for Durham if anyone wants it. Mid September. North East England. 6-0 down. Chance o see future greats like Bresnan, Morgan and Bopara. Go on, you know you want it." I'd be happy to pass on any offers. Sidebottom's desperately close to catching Ponting's edge with the last ball, after a glimpse of away movement.

30th over: Australia 159-2 (Ponting 45, Clarke 31) Broad replaces Wright, also switching ends. "Can you please lay off the lack of noise from the stands?" pleads James Mason. "I'm assuming
you're also here, in which case you'll know the mood is more of Abu Ghraib
water torture than open-top bus tour through London. If only I were in the
stand at the Nursery End I could at least be topping up my tan..." Sadly I'm not there, but the atmosphere is, to coin a phrase normally used to describe somewhat more exciting sporting events, contagious.

31st over: Australia 163-2 (Ponting 45, Clarke 35) Clarke hits Bresnan's first ball for four, then takes the rest of the over off. He might have got out off the last delivery, but the ball misses the edge by about an inch. Changing the subject slightly, and accepting that this isn't the forum for discussing football scores, isn't this quite funny?
• 1 SOCCER GOAL FLASH 145 (12 Sep, 16:30)
Crystal Palace 0 Scunthorpe 4 (Michael O'Connor 68)

32nd over: Australia 165-2 (Ponting 46, Clarke 36)
56 runs needed. 56 runs, and some fun. Please.

33rd over: Australia 165-2 (Ponting 46, Clarke 36) A maiden over from Bresnan. And an exciting update from Lord's! "I take it all back!! We've just had 3 Mexican waves AND 2 pitch invaders in the space of 5 minutes," writes James Mason. "This is, like, totally Ace. Btw, who's winning the cricket?"

34th over: Australia 168-2 (Ponting 48, Clarke 37) Broad bowled. Six times. Three singles were scored. I have no more to say about the 33rd over. Time for some drinks. Make mine a double.

WICKET! Australia 168-3 (Ponting c Bopara b Bresnan 48) Just when everyone was absolutely certain that nothing was about to happen, something happened. And what happened was: Ponting holed out to cover. And now he's out.

35th over: Australia 169-3 (Clarke 37, Ferguson 1)
Callum Ferguson comes in, and immediately has to duck away from a Bresnan bouncer. He does nick a single off the last ball to deny Bresnan a wicket maiden. In other news: as Sky viewers will by now know, the advertising campaign for high-profile new video game Guitar Hero 5 is using the slogan: "Get on the bus". What does that mean?

36th over: Australia 170-3 (Clarke 37, Ferguson 2) That's six more balls, right there. The last is pulled away for a single. I've seen better entertainment in a Sugababes video.

37th over: Australia 176-3 (Clarke 38, Ferguson 5) Listen, I'm going to tell you something that might make you think a little less of me. I've spent the last few overs puzzling over a bit of a quandary. You see, I appear to have entirely missed an over. I've no idea when. I'm blaming the prediction competition. Sorry. Anyway, we've had 37 overs now, or so I'm told. Sorry. [nb if you're not reading this, you'll notice that the error has been corrected, slightly clumsily] That last over was eight balls long, because two of them were wides.

38th over: Australia 184-3 (Clarke 45, Ferguson 5)
Clarke hooks the fourth ball away really very nicely, the best shot for ages, and he gets four runs for it. So that's nice.

39th over: Australia 192-3 (Clarke 50, Ferguson 8) "Can't England declare or retire or concede or something?" asks Gary Naylor. "Who would complain?" Not me, my friend. Not me. Rashid gets another go, what-the-heck captaincy. Clarke eases the penultimate ball away for 50, off 66 balls.

40th over: Australia 198-3 (Clarke 51, Ferguson 13) A thick outside edge brings Ferguson a slightly lucky boundary – not that there were any slips to catch it – and David Gower is speculating about what England might get out of the remainder of this series. Any ideas?

41st over: Australia 200-3 (Clarke 53, Ferguson 13) Two runs off Rashid's first ball, none off the remaining five, which are padded or prodded away. This is comatose cricket.

42nd over: Australia 212-3 (Clarke 58, Ferguson 19)
Sidebottom's first ball is a wide. 20 runs to go. His second first ball goes for four, pulled very fine past fine leg. 16 runs to go. The third goes for a single. 15. Clarke takes a big swing at the fourth, gets an inside edge which misses the stumps by a couple of inches and flies away for another four. 11. The next goes for a single. 10. So does the last. 9. James Lane is wearing a deerstalker and smoking a pipe and calling his best friend Watson. "Aha! Just before the Aussies polish off these runs, I'm able to inform the great unwashed that the missing over in question appears to be over 9, which was bowled by Broad rather than Bresnan. Although in an excellent Mistakean-slip, during over 9 you did write: 'Tim Bresnan is into the attack for the 10th over'." [He's wrong, though. It was the 19th over]

42.1 overs: Australia 212-3 (Clarke 58, Ferguson 19) Broad's first delivery is eased past square leg for a single. 8 needed.

42.2&42.3 overs: Australia 213-3 (Clarke 58, Ferguson 20) Dot ball. 8 needed.

42.4 overs: Australia 213-3 (Clarke 58, Ferguson 20) Clarke snicks the ball to gully. Dot ball. 8 needed.

42.5 overs: Australia 213-3 (Clarke 62, Ferguson 20) Lovely drive through the off side. 4 needed. David Wall, this could be your moment.

43rd over: Australia 217-3 (Clarke 62, Ferguson 20) Four needed. The final over, surely, will come from sidebottom.

43.4 overs: Australia 219-3 (Clarke 62, Ferguson 22) A no ball brings Australia level. Ferguson gets nothing from the free hit. The next goes for a single and Australia win by seven wickets!

All over! So a humdrum victory for much-better-than-us-at-this-game Australia, and a glorious, spot-on prediction victory for David Wall. It was all about Hauritz tying down our run rate, and Lee getting the wickets. I guess we've got to shrug our shoulders, hand him a man-of-the-match award and admit that we were out-everythinged. Again. Still, there's always next time. And the time after that. And the time after that.

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