Legally Blonde (??? ???)

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					Legally Blonde (금발이 너무해)


GIRL #1 :      Here it is!

GIRL #2 :      Thanks.

GIRL #3 :      Did you guys sign it? Did you sign the card?

GIRL #4 :      Yeah

GIRLS:         And five and four and --

GIRL #3:       Hey, girls, sign!

GIRLS:         All right! Here you go!

GIRL #3:       Elle's gonna love it! Thanks. You go, girl! Hi, girls! Here, sign! Thanks!

               There she is.

SERENAL:       Thank you.

ELLE:          I love that restaurant! I heard Madonna went into labor there. Oh, gosh! I

               have to go shopping! OK. I'll see you tonight. Ok, Bye. Bruiser, what's this?

               "Good luck tonight. Elle and Warner forever." Oh, that's so cute. Oh, my gosh!

               You guys are so sweet! But I'm not positive it'll happen tonight.

SERENA:        Hello! He just had lunch with his grandmother. You know he got the rock.

MARGOT:        Why else would she have flown in from Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a

               six-carat diamond.

ELLE:          Do you really think?

SERENA:        I can't believe you're getting engaged!

ELLE:          Oh, my guys have to help me pick out the perfect outfit. Come on!


MARGOT:        I think you should go with the red. It's the color of confidence.

SERENA:        I don't understand why you're disregarding your signature color.

ELLE:          He's proposing. I can't look like I would on any other date. This is the date--

               the night I'll always remember. I want to look special. Bridal. But not like I

               expect anything.

SELES WOMAN:   There's nothing I love more than a dumb blonde with daddy's plastic. Did you

               see this one? We just got it in yesterday.

                                                 1                       LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:          Is this low-viscosity rayon?

SELES WOMAN:   Yes. Of course.

ELLE:          With a half-loop top-stitching on the hem?

SALES WOMAN: Absolutely. It's one of a kind.

ELLE:          It's impossible to use a half-loop top-stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would

               snag the fabric.And you didn't just get it in. I saw it in the June Vogue a year

               ago. So if you're trying to sell it for full price you picked the wrong girl.


ELLE:          Girls, this is it. In a few hours I'll be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.


WARNER:        Hello. Wow. You look so beautiful.

ELLE:          So do you. Let's get out of here.


ELLE:          Must be strange having such perfect eyes.

WARNER:        God, you're so wonderful. Elle, thank you.

ELLE:          Here's to us.

WARNER:        To us.


ELLE:          Yes

WARNER:        One of the reasons I wanted to come here tonigh was to discuss our future.

ELLE:          And I am fully amenable to that discussion.

WARNER:        Good. You know how we've been having all kinds of fun lately?

ELLE:          Yeah.

WARNER:        Well, Harvard is gonna be different. Law school is a completely different world

               and I need to be serious.

ELLE:          Of course.

WARNER:        I mean my family expects a lot from me.

ELLE:          Right.

WARNER:        I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office someday.

ELLE:          I fully support that, Warner. You know that, right ?

                                                 2                        LEGALLY BLONDE
WARNER:   Absolutely. But the thing is if I'm going to be a senator by the time I'm thirty,

          I need to stop dicking around.

ELLE:     Warner, I completely agree.

WARNER:   That's why I think it's time for us. Elle, pooh bear.

ELLE:     I do.

WARNER:   I think we should break up.

ELLE:     What?

WARNER:   I've been thinking, and it's the right thing to do.

ELLE:     You're breaking up with me? I thought you were proposing.

WARNER:   Proposing?

WARNER:   Elle, if I'm going to be a senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.

ELLE:     You're breaking up with me because I'm too blonde?

WARNER:   No. That's not entirely true.

ELLE:     Then what? My boobs are too big?

WARNER:   Elle, your boobs are fine.

ELLE:     So when you said that you would always love me. you were just dicking around?

WARNER:   Elle, I do love you. I just can't marry you. You have no idea of the pressure

          that I am under. My family has five generations of senators. My brother's in

          the top three at Yale Law. And he just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for

          Christ's sake. Bad salad. Sweetie, Pooh bear? It's not like I have a choice

          here, sweetheart! Ok, You get the car, I'll get the check.

WOMAN:    I won't be having the salad.


WARNER:   Come on, Let me take you home.

ELLE:     NO

WARNER:   Elle, believe me. I never expected to do this but I think it's the right thing.

ELLE:     How can it be the right thing when we're not together?

WARNER:   I have to think of my future and what my family expects of me.

ELE:      So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me?

          Everybody likes me.

WARNER:   East Coast people are different.

                                             3                      LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:             Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air!

                  Across the street from Aaron Spelling! Most people would agree that's a lot

                  better... than some stinky old Vanderbilt!

WARNER:           I told you. I need someone serious.

ELLE:             But I'm seriously in love with you. Isn't that enough?

WARNER:           Pooh bear, just get in the car. You'll get to ruin your shoes.


WOMAN:            Morning, Amy.

AMY:              Elle, it's Amy. I'm having trouble with this whole lip-liner thing.

ANOTHER SISTER:   Sweetie, didn't you hear?

AMY:              Hear what?

ANOTHER SISTER:   It's terrible. He dumped her.


ELLE:             Why me?

MAN (ON TV):      Because you're not gonna remember anything after tonight.

WOMAN (ON TV):    Oh, you're wrong. I will remember, no matter what. And I'm never gonna lose

                  you again.

MAN (ON TV):      You couldn't. You're a part of me. I love you.

ELLE:             Liar!

MARGOT:           Honey, you have to leave this room. It's been, like, a week.

ELLE:             So?

MARGOT:           Drink this.

SERENA:           What’s the thing that always makes us feel better... no matter what?


SERENA:           She had eight grilled cheese sandwiches. She stuffed them in her mouth all at

                  once. It was so sad. We thought she'd be the first to walk down the aisle and

                  now she's totally adrift.

MARGOT:           Totally.

SERENA:           She hasn't conditioned her hair in a week.

                                                    4                        LEGALLY BLONDE
MARGOT:      Maybe she's going for the grunge look. And her nails are full-on chipped. So

             trailer park.

ELLE:        Oh, my God! Do you know who this is?


ELLE:        That's Warner's older brother!

OLD LADY:    Who?

ELLE:        "Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes Huntington III...and his fiancee

             Layne Walker Vanderbilt first year Yale Law." This is the type of girl that

             Warner wants to marry! This is what I need to become to be serious!

OLD LADY:    What? Practically deformed?

ELLE:        No. A law student.


DANIEL:      Law school?

ELLE:        It's a perfectly respectable place, daddy.

SAPPHIRE:    Honey, you were first runner up at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest. Why are

             you gonna throw that all away?

ELLE:        Going to Harvard is the only way... I'll get the love of my life back.

DANIEL:      Sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring

             and ugly and serious. And you, Button, are none of those things.


ADVISER:     Harvard Law School?

ELLE:        That's right.

ADVISER:     But that's a top three school.

ELLE:        Oh, I have a 4.0.

ADVISER:     Yes, but your major is fashion merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that

             you aced History of Polka Dots. What are your back-ups?

ELLE:        I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.

ADVISER:     Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.

ELLE:        OK

ADVISER:     And a heck of an admissions essay.

                                              5                       LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:      Right.

ADVISER:   And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

ELLE:      I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest...for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me,

           I can handle anything. Thanks!

ADVISER:   You're welcome.


MARGOT:    Because I have a metrabolism-- I have a really high metrab --

SERENA:    It's metabol...

MARGOT:    Oh, my God.

MARGOT:    What are you doing?

ELLLE:     Reading about the LSATs.

SERENA:    My cousin had that. Apparently, you get a really bad rash on your

ELLE:      The LSATs are an exam. Girls, I'm going to Harvard!

SERENA:    You mean like on vay-kay?

MARGOT:    Let's all go! Road trip!

ELLE:      No. I'm going to Harvard Law School.

MARGOT:    Why?

SERENA:    Elle, now, I know you're upset about all this... but can't you just take a


ELLE:      OK. Once Warner sees me as a serious law student... he'll totally want me back.

           It's a completely brilliant plan!

MARGOT:    But isn't it hard to get into law school?

ELLE:      I had the highest GPA in Delta Nu.

MARGOT:    Oh, well. Here, you're gonna need this.

ELLE:      Your scrunchy?

MARGOT:    My lucky scrunchy. It helped me pass Spanish.

SERENA:    You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the


MARGOT:    Yeah...luckily.


                                               6                  LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE (VIDEO):   My name is Elle Woods, and for my admissions essay... I'm gonna tell all of you

                at Harvard...why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.


ELLE:           As president of my sorority...I'm skilled at commanding the attention of a room

                and discussing very important issues. It has come to my attention that the

                maintenance switching our toilet paper from Charmin to generic. All

                those opposed to chafing please say "aye."


HELPER:         A--neither type of opera... or neither type of rap is on sale. B--neither type

                of jazz... and neither type of opera is on sale. C--neither type of opera and

                neither type of soul --

MEN OUTSIDE:    Party! Delta Nu, we love you!

HELPER:         HEY –


ELLE:           OK. OK. (VDEO) I'm able to recall hundreds of important details at the drop of

                a hat.

MARGOT:         Hey, Elle, do you know what happened on Days of Our Lives yesterday?

ELLE:           Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we join Hope in the search for her

                identity. As you know, she's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano.


SERENA:         Get set and go!

MARGOT:         One forty-three.


ELLE:           I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. I object!


ANY:            It's here!

ELLE:           What?

                                                  7                       LEGALLY BLONDE
ANY:                  It's here!

MARGOT:               The LSAT scores!

ANY:                  It's here!

GIRLS:                Open the scores! What's the score? This is so exciting. Tell us! What is it?

ELLE:                 One seventy-nine! One seventy-nine!


ELLE(VIDEO) : And that's why you should vote for me... Elle Woods,future lawyer for the class

                      of 2004.

ADMISSIONS SUY #1:    She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on her LSATs.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS:   A fashion major?

SDMISSIONS GUY #3:    Well, sir, we've never had one before...and aren't we always looking for


ADMISSIONS GUY #1:    Her list of extracurricular activities is impressive.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS:   She was in a Ricky Martin video.

ADMISSIONS GUY #1:    Clearly, she's interested in music.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS:   She also designed a line of faux fur panties...for her sorority's charity project.

ADMISSIONS GUY #1:    She's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS:   Elle Woods, welcome to Harvard.


ELLE:                 Bruiser, it's so exciting! Look! Harvard! Are you excited? This is our new house

                      for the next three years. Ohh! Are you thirsty? Ok.Let's get you some

                      water.Sweetheart, you just look parched.

STUDENT:              Hey, Brad, check out Malibu Barbie! Where's the beach, honey?

ELLE:                 Here you go. Good boy. Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.Guys, this


STUDENT:              This ain't L.A.!

ELLE:                 Come on, Bruiser.

STUDENT #2:           Check her out. Look at the way she walks.


                                                         8                         LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:           It's gonna be so exciting. Now, don't be scared. Everyone will love you.Hi.

                Woods, comma, Elle.

FUZZY 2L:       Class schedule, map, book list.

ELLE:           Wait a second. My social events calendar is missing.

FUZZY 2L:       Your what?

ELLE:           Social events-- you know, mixers, formals...clambakes, trips to the Cape. OK.

                Has Warner Huntington III checked in yet?

FUZZY 2L:       NO, you know maybe you should check with the cruise director on the Lido deck.


CLASSMATE #1:   OK. Welcome to law school. This is the part where we go around in a

                circle...and everyone says a little bit about themselves. Let's start with you.

DAVID:          My name is David Kidney. I have a masters in Russian literature a Ph.D in

                biochemistry...and for the last eighteen months...I've been ,uh, deworming

                orphans in Somalia.

CLASSMATE #1:   Awesome. What about you?

ENID:           Hey. How you doin'? I'm Enid Wexler. I got a Ph.D. from Berkeley in women's

                studies...emphasis in the history of combat...and last year, I single-handedly

                organized...the march for Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.

CLASSMATE #1:   Killer.

ENID:           Thanks. Good times.

ARON:           Aron Mitchell. I graduated first in my class from Princeton. I have an I.Q. of

                187 and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking...stole his Brief History of

                Time from my fourth grade paper.

CLASSMATE #1:   Cool.

ELLE:           Me?

CLASSMATE #1:   Yeah.

ELLE:           OK. Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods...and we're both Gemini

                vegetarians. I have a bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising...from CULA,

                and I was a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart...president of my sorority, Delta

                Nu...and last year, I was homecoming queen. Two weeks ago I saw Cameron

                Diaz at Fred Segal...and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora

                                                  9                       LEGALLY BLONDE


ELLE:        Wish me luck, Bruiser. This is my first class as a serious law student. I totally

             look the part. HI ! HEY !




ELLE:        There is no way she got in here on her own. I totally forgot you go here.

WARNER:      What are you talking about? I'm sorry. Are you here to see me?

ELLE:        No, silly. I go here.

WARNER:      You go where?

ELLE:        Harvard. Law school.

WARNER:      You got into Harvard Law?

ELLE:        What, like it's hard? Oh, my gosh, Warner, it'll be so great. I'm planning this

             great mixer. You have to help me. I'm thinking like a luau or casino night. It'll

             be just like senior year except funner. Time to go. I have to go to class but

             meet me after on the benches. OK? All right, bye!


STROMWELL:   A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be

             taught to achieve insight...into the world around you and to sharply question

             what you know. The seat you have picked will be yours...for the next nine

             months of your life. And those of you in the front row...beware. "The law is

             reason free from passion." Does anyone know who spoke those immortal words?


DAVID:       Aristotle.

STROMWELL:   Are you sure?

DAVID:       YES

STROMWELL:   Would you be willing to stake your life on it?

DAVID:       I think so.

                                              10                      LEGALLY BLONDE
STROMWELL:   What about his life?

DAVID:       I don't know.

STROMWELL:   Well, I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for

             interpretation but very little for self-doubt. And you were right. It was


STUDENTS:    Good job.

STROMWELL:   Now, I assume all of you have read pages 1-48...and are now well-versed in

             subject matter jurisdiction. Who can tell us about Gordon vs. Steele? Let's call

             on someone from the hot zone. Elle Woods?

ELLE:        Ohh.. Actually, I wasn't aware that we had an assignment.

STROMWELL:   Vivian Kensington. Do you think it's acceptable that Ms. Woods is not prepared?

VIVIAN:      No. I don't.

STROMWELL:   Would you support my decision to ask her to leave class...and to return only

             when she is prepared?

VIVIAN:      Absolutely.

STROMWELL:   Now, Ms. Kensington. did diversity jurisdiction exist in this case?

VIVIAN:      No, it did not.

STROMWELL:   Good. How about in the case of Owens vs. McCullogh?


ELLE:        I can't believe that girl. So stupid! Who does she think she is?

EMMETT :     Excuse me. Are you OK?

ELLE:        Do they put you on the spot like that all the time?

EMMETT :     The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method.

ELLE:        So, If you don't know the answers, they just kick you out?

EMMETT :     So, you have Stromwell, huh?

ELLE:        Yes! Did she do that to you, too?

EMMETT :     No. But she did make me cry once. Not in class. I waited till I got back to my

             room...but she'll kick you right in the ball--or wherever, you know. But yeah,

             she is tough , really tough.

ELLE:        Great.

EMMETT :     Don't worry, it gets better. Who else do you have?

                                              11                       LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:      I have Callahan, Royalton, and Levinthal.

EMMETT :   Let's see, speak up in Callahan's class. He really likes people that are


ELLE:      OK

EMMETT :   And in Royalton's class try to get a seat in the back. He spits when he talks

           about products liability. And for Levinthal, you know, make sure you read the

           footnotes. That's where he gets a lot of his exam questions.

ELLE:      Right. Wow. I'm really glad I met you.

EMMETT:    Great

ELLE:      Are you a third year?

EMMETT :   Well --

WARNER:    Hey, Elle.

ELLE:      Hi! Thanks for all your help.

EMMETT :   Good luck.

ELLE:      Hi, Warner

WARNER:    Hi, So how was your first class?

ELLE:      It was good, except for this horrible preppy girl...who made me look bad in

           front of the professor. But no biggie. You're here now. So, how was your


WARNER:    Good. It was good.

ELLE:      Did you do anything exciting?

WARNER:    Have you met Vivian?

VIVIAN:    Oh, Hi. Vivian Kensington.

ELLE:      Do you know her?

WARNER:    She's –

VIVIAN:    I'm his fiancee.

ELLE:      I'm sorry. I just hallucinated. What?

WARNER:    She was my girlfriend in prep school. And, well, we got back together this

           summer at my grandmother's birthday party.

ELLE:      Warner told me all about you. You're famous at our club. But he didn't tell me

           you'd be here. Pooh bear, I didn't know she would be here.

ELLE:      Excuse me.

                                              12                     LEGALLY BLONDE

ELLE:       Oh, thank God! Are you free? It's an emergency.

PAULETTE : Bad day?

ELLE:       You can't even imagine.

PAULETTE : Spill it.

ELLE:       I worked so hard to get into law school. I blew off Greek week to study for

            the LSATs. I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video. All to get my

            boyfriend Warner back. And now he's engaged to this awful girl Vivian... so it

            was all for nothing, and I...I just wish...I just wish I had never gone to


PAULETTE : After you went to all that trouble.

ELLE:       He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished

            finger. What am I supposed to do?

PAULETTE : You're asking the wrong girl. I mean, I'm with my guy eight years...and then

            one day, it's..."I met someone else. Move out."

ELLE:       Oh, no. That's awful.

PAULETTE : Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus. I didn't even get to throw

            him a birthday party.

ELLE:       No

PAULETTE: What's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker... to greener

            pastures...and I'm a middle-aged high-school dropout...who's got stretch

            marks and a fat ass.

ELLE:       That's terrible.

PAULETTE : Yep. Happens every day. So what's this Vivian got that you don't have? Three


ELLE:       She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club.

PAULETTE : Is she as pretty as you?

ELLE:       She could use some mascara and some serious highlights... but she's not

            completely unfortunate looking.

USP GUY:    Hello, ladies.

PAULETTE : Hey, there. - How you doing? Sign here.

                                              13                    LEGALLY BLONDE
PAULETTE: Oh, jeez. Look what I did.

USP GUY:     See you later.

PAULETTE : Bye-bye, sugar. Aw, shit. Could I have been any more goddamn spastic?

ELLE:        It's OK.

PAULETTE : Are you sure this Warner guy is, like, the one?

ELLE:        Definitely. I love him.

PAULETTE : Well, if a girl like you can't hold on to her man... then there sure as hell isn't

             any hope for the rest of us. What are you waiting for? Steal the bastard back.


CALLAHAN: I should warn you...I should warn you...that in addition to competing against

             each other...for the top grade in this will also be competing for one

             of my firm's...highly coveted four internship spots next year...where you will

             get to assist on actual cases. Let the bloodbath begin. Now, let's commence

             with our usual torture. Ms. Woods... would you rather have a client who

             committed a crime...malum in se or malum prohibitum?

ELLE:        Neither.

CALLAHAN :   And why is that?

ELLE:        I would rather have a client who's innocent.

CALLAHAN :   Dare to dream, Ms. Woods. Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?

VIVIAN:      Malum prohibitum. Because then the client would have committed...a regulatory

             infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.

CALLAHAN :   Well done, Ms. Kensington. You've obviously done your homework. Now let us

             look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- Yes, Ms.


ELLE:        I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one...'cause I'm not afraid of a



STUDENTS:    Who is that? Wow. Guys. Can she play? Hi! Get outta here.


                                              14                      LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:              Hi, everybody.

WARNER:            Elle, what are you doing here?

ELLE:              I've come to join your study group. Look, I brought sustenance. Who's first?

VIVIAN:            Our group is full.

ELLE:              Is this like an RSVP thing?

VIVIAN’S FRIEND:   No. It's like a smart people thing. And as Viv said, we're full.

WARNER:            Come on, we can make room for one more.

VIVIAN:            We've already assigned the outlines. The answer is no.

ELLE:              Oh, OK. I'll just leave, then.

VIVIAN:            BYE

ANID:              Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority... you could, like, join instead, like?

ELLE:              You know, If you had come to a rush party...I would have at least been nice to


ANID:              Is that before you voted against me... and then called me a dyke behind my


ELLE:              I don't use that word. You must have heard it from Vivian.


MARGOT:            Hello?

ELLE:              Hey, it's me.

MARGOT:            It's Elle! Guess what I'm doing right this second! I don't know. What? I'm

                   picking out my wedding dress!

ELLE:              What?

MARGOT:            Josh proposed!

SERENA:            Did you get the rock yet?

ELLE:              Almost.

SERENA:            Well, hurry up, so you can come home! We miss you!

ELLE:              I miss you guys, too. The people here are so vile. Hardly anybody speaks to me


SERENA:            Oh, my God! I almost forgot to tell you!

ELLE:              What?

SERENA:            I got bangs! My hair is so now.

                                                     15                      LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:              Really?

MARGOT:            OK,   so   just   listen   to   me.   Keep   June   1st   open,   you're   one   of   my

                   bridesmaids...and give Warner our love because I'm getting married!


VIVIAN:            So don't forget. Eight o'clock at 45 Dunston Street. It'll be a really nice party.

MEN:               We'll be there.

VIVIAN:            And don't forget to bring your own merlot!

ELLE:              No way! Is somebody at this school actually having a party?


VIVIAN:            But it's a costume party. You probably wouldn't want to come.

ELLE:              I love costume parties.

VIVIAN:            Well, then I guess we'll see you there. Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.


ANID:              Oh, my God!

ELLE:              Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is super fun.

VIVIAN:            Nice outfit.

ELLE:              I like your outfit, too.          Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch...I try

                   not to look so constipated.

VIVIAN:            Oh, she's horrible. You've got the ring, sweetie.

MAN:               Nice ears.

ELLE:              How you doin'?

ANID:              Warner, the English language is all about subliminal domination. Take the word

                   semester. A perfect example of this school's... discriminatory preference of

                   semen to ovaries. That's why I'm petitioning to have next term... be referred

                   to as the winter ovester.

ELLE:              Excuse me. Hey, Warner.

WARNER:            Wow! Don't you look like a walking felony?

ELLE:              Thank you. You're so sweet. Are you having fun?

WARNER:            I am now. What's with the costume?

ELLE:              I just decided to dress up.

                                                         16                      LEGALLY BLONDE
WARNER:            Really.

ELLE:              You know, I feel like we barely get to see each other...since we've been here.

WARNER:            I know. I'm so busy with these case studies and hypos.

ELLE:              I know what you mean. I can't imagine doing...all this and Callahan's internship

                   next year. That's gonna be so much.

WARNER:            Elle, come on, you'll never get the qualify for one of those spots.

                   You're not smart enough, sweetie.

ELLE:              Wait, am I on glue or did we not get into the same law school,WARNER?

WARNER:            Yeah, but --

ELLE:              But what? We took the same LSATs...and we're taking the same classes.

WARNER:            I know, but come on, Elle, be serious.     You can do something more valuable

                   with your time.

ELLE:              I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?

WARNER:            Oh, come on.

ELLE:              Just forget it! I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!


ELLE:              Don't ask.

EMMETT:            Wasn't gonna.


VIVIAN’S FRIEND:   I love that sweater. It's Chanel.

STUDENT:           Look.

MAN:               Was she carrying books?


ELLE:              Thanks.


STROMWELL :        So, you've filed a claim. What next? Ms. Woods?

ELLE:              Don't you need to have evidence?

STROMWELL :        Meaning?

                                                    17                      LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:         Meaning you need reasonable belief...that your claim should have, like,

              evidenciary support?


STROMWELL :   And what kind of evidenciary support does this case require?

CALLAHAN :    All sorts of things-- corrupt cops who are wheeling and dealing...And the

              purpose of diminished capacity is?

ELLE:         To negate mens rea?


ELLE:         Are you ready?


ELLE:         Yes, you are! Go. You can do this.


PAULETTE : Listen to me, Dewey. You shut your mouth. No, you shut your big mouth. I'm

              doing all the talking.

DEWEY:        What the hell do you want? We're eating lunch.I just thought that...You just

              thought you could come here...and show me what I'm definitely not missing?

PAULETTE: That's not why I came by.

DEWEY:        How many times you gonna come over here...begging me to take you back, huh?

PAULETTE : I was...

ELLE:         Dewey Newcombe?

DEWEY:        Who's asking?

ELLE:         I'm Elle Woods. Miss Bonifante's attorney. And I'm here to discuss the legal

              situation at hand.

DEWEY :       Come again?

ELLE:         Do you understand what subject matter jurisdiction is?

DEWEY :       No.

ELLE:         I didn't think so.

ELLE:         Well, due to habeas and Miss Bonifante had a common law marriage.

              which heretofore entitles her to what is legally referred equitable

                                               18                      LEGALLY BLONDE
            division of the assets.

DEWEY:      Come again?

ELLE:       Due to the fact that you've retained this residence...Miss Bonifante is entitled

            to full canine property ownership...and will be enforcing said ownership right

            now. Tell him, Paulette.

PAULETTE: I'm taking the dog, dumbass!


ELLE:       That's awesome! We did it!

PAULETTE: Come here.

ELLE:       Oh, my gosh, did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.

PAULETTE.: Yeah, Which must be a nice vacation for his balls. Oh, Thank you.


WARNER:     According to Swinney vs. Neubert... Swinney, who was also a private sperm

            donor...was allowed visitation rights as long as he came to terms...with the

            hours set forth by the parents. So, if we're sticking to past precedent...Mr.

            Latimer wasn't stalking. He was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.

CALLAHAN: But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor...and our defendant was an habitual

            sperm donor...who also happens to be harassing the parents in his quest for


WARNER:     Yes, but I mean without this man's sperm...the child in question wouldn't exist.

CALLAHAN: Now you're thinking like a lawyer. Yes, Ms. Woods?

ELLE:       Although Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point...I have to wonder if the

            defendant...kept a thorough record of every sperm emission made throughout

            his life.

CALLAHAN:   Interesting. Why do you ask?

ELLE:       Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact...every single one-night stand

            to determine...if a child resulted in those unions he has no parental claim over

            this child whatsoever. Why now? Why this sperm?

CALLAHAN:   I see your point.

ELLE:       And for that matter, all masturbatory emissions...where his sperm was clearly

                                             19                       LEGALLY BLONDE
            not seeking an egg...could be termed reckless abandonment.

CALLAHAN:   I believe you've just won your case. Ms. Woods, you did well today.

ELLE:       Really?

CALLAHAN:   You're applying for my internship, aren't you?

ELLE:       I don't know.

CALLAHAN:   You should. Do you have a resume?

ELLE:       Yes, I do. Here it is.

CALLAHAN:   It's pink. And it's scented. I think it gives it a little something extra. Don’t

            you think? Ok, well, I’ll see you next class.

CALLAHAN:   Do you think she woke up one morning and said..."I think I'll go to law school


EMMETT:     That lapse in judgment aside...I think she's got a lot of potential.       Here's

            the Windham file.

CALLAHAN:   Smell this.

EMMETT:     What's that?

CALLAHAN:   It's her resume.

EMMETT:     Smells good.


ELLE:       What's going on?

DAVID:      Callahan's firm is defending a murder trial. His case load is so big, he's taking

            first year interns.

ELLE:       He picked them already?

VIVIAN:     My God, I can't believe it, Warner! We got it!

SOMEONE: That only leaves one for --

ELLE:       Me!   Yes! Remember when we spent those four amazing the hot tub

            after winter formal?

WARNER:     Yeah--No.

ELLE:       This is so much better than that! Excuse me. I have some shopping to do.

VIVIAN:     Four hours?

#43 ( INT. LOBBY-DAY )

                                             20                       LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:               You look very nice today, Vivian.

VIVIAN:             Thank you.

ELLE:               You're welcome.


CALLAHAN: We're defending Brooke Windham...whose very wealthy husband was found shot

                    to their Beacon Hill mansion.

VIVIAN:             Gold digger?

CALLAHAN:           You'd think so since the stiff was 60 but she was rich on her own. Some kind

                    of fitness empire. You can buy her exercise tapes on infomercials.

ELLE:               Wait. Are you talking about Brooke Taylor?

CALLAHAN: Maiden name--Taylor. You know her?

ELLE:               She's a Delta Nu! She wasn't in my pledge class. She graduated four years

                    before me. But I used to take her class at the Los Angeles Sports Club. She's


CALLAHAN : Amazing? How?

ELLE:               She can make you lose three pounds in one class. She's completely gifted.

CALLAHAN : Well, In all likelihood, she's completely guilty as well. She was seen standing

                    over her husband's dead body.

WARNER:             By who?

CALLAHAN : His 26-year-old daughter and the pool boy.

EMMETT :            Sorry, I'm late. Excuse me.

CALLAHAN : This is Emmett Richmond, another three in his class and former

                    editor of "Harvard Law Review." You've probably seen him lurking around campus

                    doing my research.

EMMETT:             Thanks for the introduction.

ONE OF THE TEAM :   So, what about the murder weapon?

CALLAHAN :          The gun is missing. The coroner said he'd been dead 30 minutes...when the

                    cops arrived. Giving Brooke plenty of time to stash it.

ELLE:               I just don't think Brooke could have done this. Exercise gives you endorphins.



                                                        21                    LEGALLY BLONDE
BROOKE :      I didn't do it. I walked in... I saw my husband lying on the floor...I bent down

              to check his heart, screamed my head off...then Enrique and Chutney ran inside.

CALLAHAN :    OK. Your step-daughter and the pool boy came in...where they saw you standing

              over the body covered in his blood.

BROOKE :      Why would I kill my husband?

CALLAHAN:     Insurance, a love affair, pure unadulterated hatred. The D.A. will come up with

              plenty of reasons.

BROOKE :      I loved him.

CALLAHAN:     He was 34 years older than you. That doesn't look so good to a jury.

BROOKE :      Then show them a picture of his dick. That might clear a few things up.

CALLAHAN:     Brooke, I believe you but a jury is going to want an alibi.

BROOKE :      I can't give you that and if you put me on the stand, I'll lie.

CALLAHAN:     Then I guess we're done for today.

BROOKE :      I know you.

ELLE:         I'm a Delta Nu, and I'm a huge fan of yours.

BROOKE :      You took my class in L.A. You had the best high-kick I've ever seen. Are you

              one of my lawyers?

ELLE:         Sort of.

BROOKE :      Well, thank God one of you has a brain.



ELLE:         I'm the only one that believes her. Callahan totally thinks she's guilty.

PAULETTE : That's because men are big fat retards who don't --

URP GUY:      Afternoon, ladies.

PAULETTE : It's him.

URP GUY:      Paulette Bonifante.

PAULETTE : Oh, my God. He's coming over here.

URP GUY:      I've got a package.

ELLE:         He's got a package.

URP GUY:      How you doing today?


                                               22                       LEGALLY BLONDE
URP GUY:           Take it easy. See you later.

ELLE:              That's great, Paulette. Is this the only interaction you two have ever had?

PAULETTE : No. Sometimes I say "OK" instead of "fine."

ELLE:              Why don't you offer him a cold beverage...or a neck massage or something?

                   What's the point?

ELLE:              Trust me, Paulette. You have all the just need to read the

                   manual. Do you know what I'm saying? I'll show you a little maneuver my

                   mother taught me in junior high. In my experience, it has a 98% success

                   rate...of getting a man's attention and when used has an 83%

                   rate of return on a dinner invitation.


ELLE:              It's called "the bend and snap." Watch this. "Oh! I think I dropped something

                   on the floor." So you bend...and snap! See? Come on. You try it. Bend...and

                   snap! OK...yeah, a little less bend, a little more snap.

BACK GIRL: Like this?

ELLE:              Good snap. Come on. You! Come on, you can do it. Bend...and snap. Very, very

                   good. We can all do it! Come on, guys.

PAULETTE : I can't do that.

ELLE:              You're gonna bend... and snap! Now put your head into it. Bend...and snap!

                   Bend...and snap! Good job! A little attitude, please. Now, everybody smile.

                   That's very important. Pump! Pump! Pump! Bend...and snap! Good job, everybody!

                   Work it out! Work it out! That's it! Wow! Come on, Paulette! Bend and snap!

MAN:               Oh, my God! The bend and snap! Works every time!


EMMETT :           If Brooke didn't kill the guy, then who did?

ELLE:              My money is on the angry daughter or the ex-wife.

CALLAHAN: Chutney has a trust fund. She didn't need the insurance pay off or the


ONE OF THE TEAM:   What about the mother?

CALLAHAN :         Covered. She was in Aspen at the time. Vivian, get me some plum sauce. Ten

                   people saw her downing cosmopolitans at the Caribou Club.

                                                    23                        LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:       All I know is it's not Brooke.

CALLAHAN: That's touching, but we need an alibi.


ELLE:       I brought you some necessities--some Calvin Klein 720-count sheets the entire

            Clinique skin care line...some aromatherapy candles, a loofah and the Bible.

BROOKE:     You're an angel.

ELLE:       So how are you? Are you all right? You look

BROOKE:     I'm just glad it's you and not Callahan.

ELLE:       He means well. He's very brilliant.

BROOKE:     He better be for what I'm paying for him.

ELLE:       I have to tell you the real reason I came here. Professor Callahan says we

            really need your alibi.

BROOKE:     Elle, I can't. You don't understand.

ELLE:       Who could understand better than me?

BROOKE:     It's so shameful.

ELLE:       Whatever it is, Brooke, it could save you.

BROOKE:     That's just it. It would ruin me.

ELLE:       How?

BROOKE:     I've made my fortune on the perfect women's bodies with Brooke's

            Butt-Buster workout.

ELLE:       You helped me go from a six to a four.

BROOKE:     That's great! On the day of Heyworth's murder... I was getting...

ELLE:       What?

BROOKE:     I was getting liposuction. Liposuction! Oh, God!

ELLE:       NO

BROOKE:     I know! I'm a fraud! It's not like normal women can have this ass! If my fans

            knew that I bought it I would lose everything! I've already lost my husband. I'd

            rather go to jail than lose my reputation.

ELLE:       Brooke... your secret's safe with me.

BROOKE:     Thank you.

                                                24                     LEGALLY BLONDE

CALLAHAN :   Vivian, grab me some coffee. We got two interviews tomorrow that Gerard and

             Bobby will handle. The ex-wife in an hour. According to this communique from

             the prison...our client apparently had a visit from her sister a Miss Delta Nu.

             Anyone you know?

ELLE:        Yes. I went to visit her.

CALLAHAN:    What the hell do you mean you went to visit her?

ELLE:        I went to get her alibi.

CALLAHAN :   Did you get it?

ELLE:        It's really good.

CALLAHAN :   Well, Great. What is it?

ELLE:        I can't tell you.

CALLAHAN :   Why the hell not?

ELLE:        Because I promised her I'd keep it a secret...and I can't break the bonds of


CALLAHAN :   Screw sisterhood! This is a murder trial...not some scandal at the sorority

             house. I want the alibi!

ELLE:        I can't give it to you but I can tell you she is innocent.

SECRETARY:   Mrs. Windham Vandermark is on line two for you.

CALLAHAN :   Someone reason with her while I take this.

MAN:         Are you crazy? Just tell him the alibi.

MAN #2:      We'll lose this case if you don't. Then we're not very good lawyers.

WARNER:      If you tell him, he'll probably hire you as a summer associate. Who cares about

             Brooke? Think about yourself. Who cares about Brooke? Think about yourself.

ELLE:        I gave her my word, Warner.

WARNER:      So what?

CALLAHAN :   The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned with the fact that her interview is today.

             She's at a spa in the Berkshires.

MAN #2 :     A spa? Isn't that like your mothership?

ELLE:        I could go if you want me to.

CALLAHAN :   Emmett?

EMMETT:      Yeah?

                                               25                         LEGALLY BLONDE
CALLAHAN :   Go with her.


EMMETT:      She seems completely untrustworthy to me.

ELLE:        Why?

EMMETT:      This is a person who's made her telling women that they're too fat.

ELLE:        Brooke would never tell a woman she was too fat.

EMMETT:      And she seems like she's hiding something.

ELLE:        Maybe it's not what you think.

EMMETT:      Maybe it's exactly what I think.

ELLE:        You're really being a butthead.

EMMETT:      A butthead? Why would you call me that?

ELLE:        Well, I mean, You need to have a little more faith in people. You might be


EMMETT:      I can't believe you called me a butthead. No one's called me that since the

             ninth grade.

ELLE:        Maybe not to your face.

EMMETT:      So this is what a spa looks like. Wow. How do we find her?

ELLE:        I called ahead. She's in the mud room.

EMMETT:      She's not naked, is she?


ELLE:        Mrs. Windham Vandermark?

EX-WIFE:     So you found me.

ELLE:        Yes, We're from Austen, Platt, Jaret, and Callahan...and we're here to ask

             you a few questions.

EX-WIFE:     So I hear that little tart from California shot poor Heyworth.

EMMETT:      Well, That's what we're trying to prove didn't happen, actually.

ELLE:        Do you have any reason to believe that it did?

EX-WIFE:     I've never actually met the woman but my daughter tells me...she can be quite

             the little bitch.

EMMETT:      Did your daughter ever mention anything...about the relationship between

                                                26                    LEGALLY BLONDE
           Brooke and Heyworth?

EX-WIFE:   Well, She did say that they humped like gorillas. I guess it wasn't enough,

           though,for Brooke.

EMMETT:    Why do you say that?

EX-WIFE:   Well... haven't you seen the cabana boy?


ELLE:      She's lying.

EMMETT:    And you know this for a fact?

ELLE:      Did you see the icky brown color of her hair?

EMMETT:    So? Now you discriminate against brunettes?

ELLE:      Why not? I'm discriminated against as a blonde.

EMMETT:    Being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you

           think you do. I personally would like to see you take that power...and channel it

           towards the greater good, you know.

ELLE:      Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow.

EMMETT:    All right. Hey

ELLE:      Yeah ?

EMMETT:    How do you think I'd look as a blonde, you know?

ELLE:      Hum.. I'm not sure you could handle it.

EMMETT:    Good night.

BOTH:      Bye.


DAVID:     So, I called your room last night.

WOMAN:     I heard.

DAVID:     I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime.

WOMAN:     No. You're a dork.

DAVID:     I'm in law school.

WOMAN:     Look, I'm not going out with you. I can't believe you'd even ask. Girls like me

           don't go out with losers like you. Let's get out of here.

ELLE:      Excuse me. Why didn't you call me?

                                            27                         LEGALLY BLONDE
DAVID:    What?

ELLE:     We spent a beautiful night together and I never hear from you again?

DAVID:    I...I'm sorry?

ELLE:     Sorry for what? For breaking my heart...or for giving me the greatest

          pleasure...I've ever known and then just taking it away?

DAVID:    Both?

ELLE:     Well, forget it. I've spent too many hours crying over you.

WOMAN:    So...when did you want to go out?


ELLE:     Come in.

VIVIAN:   Are you done with that deposition yet?

ELLE:     Yeah. Here, take it. I've read it 20 times.

VIVIAN:   You know, Elle, I still can't believe you didn't tell Callahan the alibi.

ELLE:     It's not my alibi to tell.

VIVIAN:   I know. And I thought that was very classy of you.

ELLE:     Really?

VIVIAN:   Sure.

ELLE:     Thanks.

VIVIAN:   Did you ever notice how Callahan never asks Warner to bring him his coffee?

          He's asked me at least ten times.

ELLE:     Men are helpless. You know that.

VIVIAN:   I know. Warner doesn't even do his own laundry.

ELLE:     He has to have it sent out.

VIVIAN:   I know. Did you know when he first applied he got wait-listed.

ELLE:     What?

VIVIAN:   His father had to make a call.

ELLE:     You're kidding. No way!

VIVIAN:   Oh, God, that is such a precious dog.

ELLE:     His name is Bruiser. Do you want to hold him? He's very friendly.

VIVIAN:   Sure.

ELLE:     Look, he likes you.

                                            28                        LEGALLY BLONDE
VIVIAN:       He's giving me kisses.


REPORTER: Thanks, Jeoff. We're here today covering the trial of Brooke Windham. She's

              charged with the murder of her husband...Boston millionaire Heyworth Windham.

              First to testify are the victim's daughter and ex-wife.


BAILIFF:      The Superior Court of Suffolk County is now in session. The Honorable Judge

              Marina R. Bickford presiding. You may be seated.

PROSECUTOR:   And where was she exactly?

DAUGHTER:     Standing over my father's dead body.

PROSECUTOR:   And what was the defendant doing?

WITNESS:      Well, She was sitting next to the pool, topless...while the Latin boy handed her

              a drink.

PROSECUTOR:   Mr. Salvatore, can you tell us what this is?

SALVATORE:    My uniform.

PROSECUTOR:   This is the uniform...Mrs. Windham asked you to wear while cleaning her pool?


PROSECUTOR:   Are you having an affair with Brooke Windham?

SALVATORS:    Define "affair."

PROSECUTOR:   Have you and Mrs. Windham had sexual relations?

SALVATORS:    Yes. OK? Yes.

JUDGE:        Ladies and gentlemen, court will reconvene tomorrow morning at 9 A.M. We're



ELLE:         Never!

BROOKE:       I just liked watching him clean the filter.

ELLE:         I know I believe you, Brooke.

BROOKE:       Take care of me, Elle.

ELLE:         I will.

                                               29                       LEGALLY BLONDE

URP GUY:     I got a big one for you. Can you sign?

URP GUY:     I got it.


ELLE:        You broke his nose?

PAULETTE : I blew it, Elle. My snap was all over the place.

ELLE:        I'll be there as soon as court is out. We have to cross-examine Enrique. But

             don't worry. My girlfriend Serena...barfed on a guy during "The Blair Witch

             Project"...and they ended up dating for three months.

PAULETTE : Really? All right. Bye-bye.

ELLE:        OK. Bye.

SALVATORS:   Don't stomp your little last-season Prada shoes at me, honey.


ELLE:        These aren't last season. He's gay! Enrique's gay!

EMMETT:      What? WARNER! What kind of shoes are these?

WARNER:      Black ones.

ELLE:        See!

CALLAHAN :   What are you talking about?

ELLE:        He’s gay. He isn't Brooke's lover. He's making it up.

EMMETT:      Back up. How do you know he's gay?

ELLE:        Gay men know designers. Straight men don't.

BROOKE:      You know what? He did leave a Cher tape in the pool house one time.

CALLAHAN :   While I appreciate your masterful legal theory...I have a murder trial to

             attend to. Emmett

EMMETT:      OK. I'll take care of it. Thanks.

MAN:         The court will come to order.

CALLAHAN :   Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof...that you and Mrs. Windham were having

             an affair?

SALVATORE:   Only the love in my heart.

CALLAHAN :   If that's all the proof that he has, Your Honor...I think I'm done here.

                                             30                      LEGALLY BLONDE
JUDGE:       You may step down.

EMMETT:      I'd like to ask a couple of questions, Your Honor. Just give me a couple minutes.

             Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?


EMMETT:      Where?

SALVATORE:   A restaurant where no one could recognize us.

EMMETT:      How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

SALVATORE:   Three months.

EMMETT:      And your boyfriend's name is...


JUDGE:       Silence!

SALVATORE:   Pardon me! Pardon me !

EMMETT:      Yes, Mr. Salvatore?

SALVATORE:   I was confused, you see, I thought you said friend. Chuck is just a friend.

CHUCK:       You bitch!

SALVATORE:   Chuck, wait!

JUDGE:       Silence in my court! Sit down, Mr. Salvatore. Silence in my courtroom!

PEOPLE:      How did I miss that? You were great.

JUDGE:       Silence in my courtroom!


ELLE:        Thanks. Good night.

GIRL:        Good night.

VIVIAN:      Oh, ELLE. Callahan asked to see you before you leave.

ELLE:        Really?

VIVIAN:      Yeah. He already has coffee, but maybe he needs a doughnut.

ELLE:        Do you need any help?

VIVIAN:      No. I'm fine.

ELLE:        OK. Bye.


CALLAHAN :   Come on in. Sit down.

                                               31                    LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:        OK. Is everything all right?

CALLAHAN :   You followed your intuition today and you were right on target. I should have


ELLE:        Thank you.

CALLAHAN :   About the alibi...

ELLE:        I'm sorry --

CALLAHAN :   I'm impressed you took the initiative to go get it. That's what makes a good

             lawyer. And on top of that, you gained the client's trust...and kept it--that's

             what makes a great lawyer. You're smart, Elle. Smarter than most of the guys

             on my payroll.

ELLE:        Wow.

CALLAHAN :   I think it's time to discuss your career path. Have you thought about where you

             might be a summer associate?

ELLE:        Oh, I’m.. Not really. I know it's very competitive.

CALLAHAN :   You know what competition's really about? It's about ferocity, carnage.

             Balancing human intelligence with animal diligence. Knowing exactly what you

             want and how far you'll go to get it. How far will Elle go?

ELLE:        Are you hitting on me?

CALLAHAN :   You're a beautiful girl.

ELLE:        So everything you just said

CALLAHAN :   I'm a man who knows what he wants.

ELLE:        And I'm a law student who just realized her professor is a pathetic asshole.

CALLAHAN :   Too bad. I thought you were a law student who wanted to be a lawyer!


VIVIAN:      You almost had me fooled.

ELLE:        What?

VIVIAN:      Maybe you should sleep with the jury, too. Then we can win the case.


EMMETT:      Hey

ELLE:        I'm quitting.

                                              32                      LEGALLY BLONDE
EMMET:        Why?

ELLE:         Law school was a mistake. This internship was a mistake.

EMMETT:       What are you talking about? You earned it.

ELLE:         I didn't earn anything.      Callahan only gave me that internship because he

              liked the way I looked. Which he made clear tonight when he tried to feel me


EMMETT:       Callahan did what?

ELLE:         Just forget about it. I'm going back to L.A. No more boring suits. No more

              pantyhose. No more trying to be something that I'm just-- I'm just not.

EMMETT:       What if you're trying to be somebody you are? The hell with Callahan. Stay.

ELLE:         Call me if you're ever in California, OK ?


ELLE:         What's the point in staying, Paulette, I mena, All people see when they look at

              me is blond hair and big boobs. No one's ever gonna take me seriously. The

              people at law school don't. Warner doesn't. I don't think my own parents take

              me seriously. I just felt, like, for the first time that someone expected me

     do something more with my life than become a Victoria's Secret model.

              But I was just kidding myself. Callahan never saw me as a lawyer just as a

              piece of ass. Just like everybody else. Turns out I am a joke.

PAULETTE: No, you're not a joke.

ELLE:         The hell with law school. I just wanted to say good-bye.

STROMWELL :   If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your're not the girl I

              thought you were.


REPORTER: Did you go in there knowing how to discredit Mr. Salvatore?

CALLAHAN: Absolutely. It's a little thing I'd like to call strategy, you know, I had a

              feeling about Mr. Salvatore...

BROOKE:       Is he always such an ass?

EMMETT:       He's the top defense attorney in the state. Of course he's an ass.

BROOKE:       Fine. Is he an ass that'll win my case?

                                               33                        LEGALLY BLONDE
EMMETT:    He's an ass that'll try.

BROOKE:    He thinks I'm guilty, doesn’t he? .

EMMETT:    That's not what's important.

BROOKE:    If he doesn't trust me, why should I trust him?

VIVIAN:    Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy with him last night.

EMMETT:    You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

BROOKE:    What's going on here?

EMMETT:    Elle quit.

BROOKE:    What?

EMMETT:    Yeah, Callahan hit on her, so she quit.

BROOKE:    My God. Scumbag.

VIVIAN:    Oh, God.

BROOKE:    What?

VIVAN:     I feel terrible. I made a huge mistake.

EMMETT:    Well, maybe there's something we can do about it.


BROOKE:    Thank you.

CALLAHAN: What are you so happy about? You're on trial for murder.

BROOKE:    Get up.


BROOKE:    You're fired. I have new representation.


ELLE:      Excuse you, you're in my way.

CALLAHAN: She's a law student. She can't defend you.

DAVID:     Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruling 3.03.

ELLE:      See? Thank you, David.

JUDGE:     Counselors, approach the bench.

CALLAHAN: You're not going up there.

ELLE:      Yes, I am.

BROOKE:    I’m sorry. Maybe you didn't hear me. You're fired.

JUDGE:     Counselors, now. All of you.

                                             34                    LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:         Elle Woods, Your Honor. Rule 3.03 of Supreme Judicial Court...states that a

              law student may appear on behalf...of a defendant in criminal proceedings.

PROSECUTOR:   Your Honor, I have no problem with this.

CALLAHAN: I do. I'm not allowing it.

ELLE:         But you agreed last night. In your office...when we were discussing my career.

JUDGE:        The ruling also states...that you need a licensed attorney to supervise you. Mr.


CALLAHAN:     That I won't agree to.

EMMETT:       I'll supervise, Your Honor.

JUDGE:        Well, Ms. Woods, proceed.

ELLE:         Thank you, Your Honor.

CALLAHAN:     Enjoy prison.

JUDGE:        Mrs. Windham, you do realize what you're doing?

BROOKE:       Absolutely.

SERENA:       Oh, my God! There she is!

MARGOT:       We came to see your trial!

SERENA:       Oh, Look how cute. There's a judge and everything. And jury people.

MARGOT:       Vote for Elle!

JUDGE:        Ladies, take a seat.

BOTH:         Go, girl.

MAN:          Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth...and nothing but the truth, so

              help you God?

DAUGHTER:     I do.

MAN:          Be seated.

JUDGE:        Ms. Woods, you may begin your questioning.

ELLE:         First of all I would like to point out...that not only is there no proof in this

              case...but there is a complete lack of mens rea...which by definition tells us

              there can be no crime without a vicious will.

JUDGE:        I am aware of the meaning of mens rea.What I'm unaware of is why you're

              giving me a vocabulary lesson...when you should be questioning your witness.

ELLE:         Yes, Your Honor. Miss Windham, when you arrived back at the house...

              was your father there?

                                               35                      LEGALLY BLONDE
DAUGHTER:     Not that I saw, but like I said...I went straight upstairs to take a shower.

ELLE:         And when you came downstairs, what happened?

DAUGHTER:     I saw Brooke standing over his body drenched in his blood.

ELLE:         But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?

DAUGHTER:     No. She'd stashed it by then. Move to strike that from the record, Your Honor.

              It's speculation.

JUDGE:        So stricken. Go ahead.

ELLE:         Miss Windham, did you hear a shot fired?

DAUGHTER:     No. I was in the shower.

ELLE:         So, sometime in the 20 minutes... that you were in the shower, your father

              was shot.

DAUGHTER:     I guess.

ELLE:         Your father was shot while you were in the shower...but you didn't hear the

              shot because...because you were in the shower?

DAUGHTER:     I was washing my hair.

LAWYER:       Where is she going with this?

EMMETT:       Have a little faith, Gerard.

ELLE:         Miss Windham, what had you done earlier that day?

DAUGHTER:     I got a latte, went to the a perm, and came home.

ELLE:         Where you got in the shower?

JUDGE:        I believe the witness has made it clear that she was in the shower.

ELLE:         Yes, Your Honor. Miss Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?


ELLE:         How many would you say?

DAUGHTER:     Two a year since I was 12. You do the math.

ELLE:         You know a girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once. We all tried


              bone structure. But, thankfully, that same day...she entered the Beta Delta Pi

              wet t-shirt contest...where she was completely hosed down from head to toe.

PROSECUTOR:   Objection! Why is this relevant?

ELLE:         I have a point, I promise.

JUDGE:        Then make it.

                                                 36                   LEGALLY BLONDE
ELLE:       Yes, ma'am.Chutney, why were Tracy Marcinko's curls ruined when she got

            hosed down?

DAUGHTER:   Because they got wet?

ELLE:       Exactly. Isn't it the first cardinal rule...of perm maintenance that you're

            forbidden to wet your hair...for at least 24 hours after getting a the

            risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?


ELLE:       And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, 30 their life be well aware

            of this rule? And if in fact you weren't washing your I suspect,

            because your curls are still intact...wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And

            if in fact you had heard the gunshot...Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time

            to hide the gun...before you got downstairs...which would mean you would have

            had to have found...Mrs. Windham with a gun in her make your story

            plausible. Isn't that right?

DAUGHTER:   She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married

            someone your age?

ELLE:       You, however, had time to hide the gun after you shot your father.

DAUGHTER:   I didn't mean to shoot him. I thought it was you walking through the door!

JUDGE:      Order! Order! Order!

ELLE:       Oh, my God.

BROOKE:     Oh, my God.

JUDGE:      Oh, my God. Bailiff, take the witness into custody...where she will be charged

            for the murder of Heyworth Windham. In the matter of The State vs. Brooke

            Windham this case is dismissed.Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.

BROOKE:     Thank you! Thank you!


REPORTER:   Elle, how did you know Chutney was lying?

BROOKE:     Because she's brilliant, of course.

ELLE:       The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo Girl would have known.


                                             37                     LEGALLY BLONDE

ELLE:        What? I just wanted to say that you were so brilliant in there. And that I was

             wrong. And you are the girl for me.

ELLE:        Really?

WARNER:      Pooh bear...I love you.

ELLE:        Oh, WARNER. I've waited so long to hear you say that. But if I'm gonna be a

             partner at a law firm by the time I'm 30...I need a boyfriend who's not such a

             complete bonehead. Thank you, boys.


STROMWELL:   Ladies and gentlemen, I present the graduates of Harvard Law School...

             Class of 2004. I am personally very honored to introduce...this year's class-

             elected speaker. After getting off to a quite interesting start here at

             Harvard...she graduates today with an invitation to of Boston's most

             prestigious law firms.I'm sure we are going to see great things from her. Ladies

             and gentlemen, Elle Woods.

ELLE:        On our very first day at Harvard a very wise professor quoted Aristotle."The

             law is reason free from passion." Well, no offense to Aristotle. but in my three

             years at Harvard...I have come to find that passion is a key the

             study and practice of law and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction

             and   strong   sense   of   self...that   we   take   our   next   steps     into   the

             world...remembering that first impressions...are not always correct…you must

             always have faith in people and most must always have faith in

             yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004. We did it!

                                               38                        LEGALLY BLONDE

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