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Recession chic

Hadley Freeman can ease your fashion pain
Red dress
In the red: apparently scarlet pieces are a sign of the recession

I read in last week's Guardian that it's necklines, not hemlines, that reflect the world's economy. Are there any other fashion signs about global finances?

Mary Louise Marx, by email

Oh, there are so many! Why, let's just go through a top fash mag's autumn/winter catwalk report, shall we? Let's see, something called "statement coats" are going to be very big. But of course! It's a two-in-one: a coat keeps you warm and talks for you because your mind will be too occupied with fears of bankruptcy to conjure up any conversation of your own! Duh!

Then there are some other things called tunics which look like very short shift dresses of the kind that Twiggy used to wear but are now worn over trousers instead of thick woolly tights. So again, we have an obvious omen here as it is another two-in-one piece, being both a short dress and a long top. A sure sign that designers knew people would be making financial cutbacks.

And, oh my God, what's this?! Apparently next season's major colour is "tomato red", as in "in the red" and definitely not the black. Slap my forehead, how could we not have seen the signs back in February when these clothes were first shown? Have there ever been more obvious portents of an upcoming financial crash? Truly, there is nothing like a demi-couture red Alexander McQueen dress coming down the catwalk to make one sense the chill of an oncoming recession.

Sarcasm aside (but not for long, obviously), I've always been a bit wary of the idea that fashion trends somehow foretell the world's finances. Yes, yes, I can totally vibe on the idea that when people don't have much money, they feel a bit down. Whether this translates directly into long hems, as the old saw goes, is a different matter. I couldn't help but wonder whether this was another case of lazy writers forcing an idea to fit their story.

I mean, you could also turn this around the other way and say that when people are feeling poor and miserable they wear miniskirts to cheer themselves up, save on fabric and show off their skinny, food-deprived legs.

Perhaps more obviously, designers plan their clothes over a year in advance, sometimes two years, So unless Marc Jacobs is so prescient that he should take over from Mystic fricking Meg, it does seem a stretch to claim that he designs his clothes to reflect the condition of the world's economy in 18 months' time.

But cynicism is just such an ugly look (and ever so 90s), so let's give this theory the time of day. Hey, you know what? There is a fashion trend that suggests an economy in freefall. You know what it is? People not buying any clothes at all.

There is something about Kate Garraway's wardrobe on GMTV that fascinates me. What is it?

Ken Thompson, London

Its sheer, unadulterated, in your face, daily wrongness, I would wager. Now, I love GMTV, like, properly adore it. From housewives' favourite Doctor Hilary and his segments in needlessly exotic locations, to chirpy TV "critic" Richard Arnold, from the permanently intense and occasionally incomprehensible LA correspondent Carla Romano, to Mr Mainstream crush potential (watch your back, Dr Hilary!) Ben Shephard. And don't even get me started on fashion correspondent Mark Hayes or we'll never get out of here. Don't believe that a £5,000 YSL outfit can be recreated for £9.75 at Principles? Let Mark show you how!

But Kate Garraway's wardrobe is really the reason to tune in. This is a lady who clearly loves fashion, if by "fashion" you mean it in the way your mum's neighbour does, as in: "Really fussy and pointlessly attention-drawing, and not necessarily in a good way."

As my esteemed colleague and unexpected fellow GMTV fan Germaine Greer wrote in the past, there was the bright pink Roland Mouret cocktail dress that failed to look any more suitable for daytime TV each time Kate excitedly and repeatedly wore it. Then there are the tops with weird shiny things, the strangely patterned wrap dresses, the strange patterns full stop (last Thursday's hot-pink-and-black animal print is a particular favourite). The list goes on and on.

And you know what? Gawd bless her. She simply enjoys shopping and clothes. More, in fact, than she cares about what looks "suitable". She just wears what she sodding well likes. She is, in short, the Victoria Beckham of daytime TV, a comparison only confirmed by her and Vicky's shared love of the aforementioned hot pink number. Admittedly, this would make Kate's husband, the psychotherapist/political spinner Derek Draper, David Beckham but we'll just blithely ride past that inconvenience to our analogy.

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