Kevin Marshall's America

Musings & misadventures of a local treasure

“Salt” Satisfies with Shameless Stupidity


Who is Salt? Nobody knows, not even the studio executive's nephew that wrote this dreck.

If “Salt” were to fit into any genre most comfortably, it’s comedy.

Surely it can’t be considered a spy flick, since none of the characters that are supposed to be spies do any actual spying. Instead they’re “sleeper agents,” which is a lazy device used to avoid having to worry about things like character development and motivation and reality. It certainly isn’t a thriller, either, since there’s nothing resembling tension or mystery despite the hook of endless plot twists.

Besides, if it’s not a comedy, why was I laughing so much?

Maybe it was the abuse the titular character took without any semblance of damage. During the locally famous 787 chase scene, for example, Jolie bounces off or is hit by what seems to be a hundred cars without sustaining any damage or even providing so much as a slight limp to indicate that she’s, you know, human.

The entire concept of the film hinges on our investment and concern over the main character: is she who she says she is, will she fulfill the prophecy laid out before her, and how is she going to escape what seem to be impossible odds?

This is where writing action films gets tricky. The reason why so many action films turn out so badly isn’t because the genre’s a poor one, but rather because it’s really hard to do it well. When making an action film, particularly one involving government espionage, you have to instill in your audience excitement, tension, and concern for the main character. You have to do this even though your hero is obviously going to make it out okay, save the day, and get or save the guy or girl. The audience will suspend their disbelief, but then it’s your job to make them care about what’s happening.

With that, “Salt” doesn’t just fail, it fails in spectacular fashion and adds a jump off the wall while doing so. Then it laughs at itself as it dusts its pants off, and we join in. Because after all, what’s seventy million dollars anyway?

The problem with “Salt” is that from the beginning, the film is so preposterous and unbelievable that we don’t have any doubt that the titular character is going to find a way to eventually get out of all the situations she finds herself in, nor do we care. Even the love story between Salt and her husband – which is central to the film’s narrative – falls flat because it’s not provided as a motivation, but rather an explanation and excuse for the film’s plot.

The cast is inexplicably great, but hilariously wasted. Jolie as “Evelyn Salt” is a real coup for the film, as she carries a great deal of charisma that makes you overlook her awkward physicality. Unfortunately even she seems resigned to the poor script, delivering an occasional line with an “oh, f*** it” cadence that indicates her check had already cleared. Liev Schreiber co-stars as Salt’s confidante at the C.I.A., lending further evidence to my theory that he ran afoul of a gypsy fifteen years ago and was cursed with the inability to say “no” to a script. In the biggest waste of all, Andre Braugher appears towards the end of the movie to say two lines. I can only assume he owed somebody a favor.

Angelina Jolie tries to escape production of the film after finally reading the script.

So what makes this movie work? Nothing. Absolutely nothing about this film works. But it’s a beautiful mess. It’s obvious that once shooting started, everyone involved realized how ridiculous it all was and just ran with it. Watching “Salt” is sort of like watching a segment on “Whose Line Is It Anyway” devolve into a wonderful, giggling mess; with the performers and host resigning themselves to the nonsense that was going to get them through the next couple (or in this movie’s case ninety) minutes.

You can practically hear the cast and crew burst into riotous laughter at the completion of every scene. All that was missing was the actor portraying the President turning to the camera during the film’s fateful reveal and comedically shrugging his shoulders while a bonewah played in the background.

There’s silly and stupid, and then there’s “Salt.” I went in with low expectations and shut off my brain. I try not to to pigeon-hole a film’s plot points, mostly because doing so will only ensure every film you watch will become a begrudged labor.  For whatever reason, “Salt” decided to continually challenge me by providing one inexplicable plot twist and broken character arc after another.

I’m glad it did, because about three-quarters of the way through I was so exhausted I was able to resign myself and just have some fun. That’s when I got it, and was glad they brought me along for the ride. I just wish that ride hadn’t cost me ten dollars, but hey, movies these days. Am I right?

So it’s with great enthusiasm that I say make sure you catch “Salt” when they start showing it on HBO.

Categories: local, Movies
Kevin Marshall

4 Responses

  1. derryX says:

    Your reaction to this reminds me of my reaction to the Robert Downey Jr. vehicle, Sherlock Holmes. I laughed so hard throughout that movie…

  2. Roger Green says:

    I liked it. Of course it’s absurd, but no more so than dozens of other genre flicks, I’m guessing. And I did buy the romance more than you did.

  3. Pedro says:

    I agree with the review. I was hoping to see a genuine thriller and action film with a great leading lady but was disappointed when Evelyn Salt has a “change of heart” about her allegiance that destroyed the little credibility the movie had.

  4. Lou Quillio says:

    For whatever reason, I’m able to go for this type of picture done in this now-familiar style — but can definitely see how others might not.

    For me, there must be no gaping holes, and no deus ex machina — a fancy way of saying that it can’t explain logical gaps by making shit up. Ideally, the device causing the gap is simply cut. Barring that, don’t try to explain, just keep moving so relentlessly fast that I’ve no time to consider the soft spots. So fast that I’d feel like a dick for picking nits.

    Salt slows enough at a spot (maybe two) in the second half that it threatened to break the rules, but didn’t quite, IMO. I do think the filmmakers expected to get more mileage from our extended uncertainty whether Evelyn Salt is a mole or not, but the audience for a Hollywood picture (including me) isn’t conditioned to stay torn on that question and let it color the story unless you serve them clear reminders. A quieter, less-Hollywood picture might get that benefit organically. Salt is not quiet. I suspect a typical viewer decides early if she’s good or evil, and flip-flops a little, but isn’t in suspended tension on the matter. That’s the biggest miss here.

    As mentioned elsewhere, if you like this kind of picture, Salt is absolutely worth the rental (or HBO, etc.), so I agree with Kevin. If you’re in that group, should you invest a theater trip? That’s a jump-ball that tips maybe one way if you’re curious about the Albany locations or just want to get out, maybe the other if not.