This thread is so, so interesting. Jarrad you make some really good points. I actually agree that survivors shouldn't be doomed to a life of vanilla sex and thinking anything outside a loving intimate expression of the missionary position is necessarily pathologic. i've enjoyed a lot of casual sex that i feel just fine about. personally i think believing all sex has to be in committed, monogamous relationships would be letting the abuse win, but at the same time, please try to understand that straight men who were abused have many of the same, but many different issues too. having same-sex experiences forced on you is just simply confusing.

i actually agree that sexual orientation is largely predetermined, in the genes, etc. though in my experience, where i like or dont like to be touched and that sort of thing is largely based on experience.

and without pissing anyone off - it can be really fun for sex to feel dirty.

but my basic point remains -- if someone feels like sex is dirty and seeks out prostitutes to enact that, *and* feels uncomfortable about it, that seems pretty compulsive. like it might have less to do with arousal than it does with flawed thinking and ideas.

so my reaction to sexuality being "in the genes" was *not* about orientation -- we seem to agree on that. my reaction was to the idea that acts which are probably more about violence and power, etc rather than "sexual" in nature, ie pedophilia, are "in the genes".

thats all. peace, tw