Reviews for The Empire in Me
Hoplite39 chapter 1 . 4/18/2013
That was a really good amusing story. It really covered a hell of a lot. What is the purpose of a stormtrooper if the rebellion ends? You covered that point very well.

The description of the Death Star as a big holiday camp was great. I loved that.

The idea that the stormtroopers were incompetent drunkardswas very funny. Explains one possible reason for the incompetence during the escape from the Death Star.

You made one mistake. The story is classified wrong and should be classified as humour because it is very amusing. You should consider changing. It is not an angst story. It could even be classified as parody, but I think that there is enough realism to take the story seriously as tragic humour. Because that is what it is. Tragically humerous.
EndlessBlue chapter 1 . 12/30/2011
This was interesting. I have a few qualms: using "Earth" terms such as "Advil" tends to pull me out of stories that are meant to be taking place in other galaxies. I also don't think the Death Star would have had shops or parks in them. Palps doesn't seem to be that kind of guy, you know? And the ending I felt should perhaps have been handled differently. If you had left it hanging, without adding your trooper's final thought as he dies, I think it would have enhanced the atmosphere of futility and impending doom. We know what happened to him. Typing it out seemed to lessen the impact.

But I appreciate that you wrote from this point of view. I really got a sense of your character's exhaustion, and I always like to see how authors think different characters reacted to the destruction of Alderaan. I also liked this section: "He threw a dart at the holoboard and it stuck, quivering—only I could see the trace it left. An empty trace, an empty space, an empty hole where a planet would've been. So that was the noise, I thought, the strange noise as I'd downed something blue and fizzy.

Something blue, and a world gone."

There were some really beautiful expressions in this story, and the overall sense of sadness was well developed. Despite my criticisms, I think the good far outweighs the bad here, and I certainly think this story deserves more than two reviews.

I'm glad you shared this story. I really enjoyed reading it.
Hat O' Doom chapter 1 . 3/6/2011
Good story!