Who rules the cash in your house?

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by meloneyb21, Jul 11, 2006.

  1. meloneyb21

    meloneyb21 DIS Veteran

    Nov 17, 2005
    I was just watching Dr. Phil and it made me so mad......The husband has 2 jobs and the wife is a SAHM. He told her to quit work and stay home and take care of the kids, yet he won't give her any spending money.

    1. Makes her account for every $ spent down to a pack of chewing gum.
    2. Looks over the grocery list and erases anything he thinks is unneccessary.
    3. Threatened to cut off cable, internet, phone, and ATM card when she went to WalMart to buy an .84 pack of gum.
    4. Says that she should ask before she buys a big purchase of $5 or $10 or more.
    5. Only gives her money for food and toiletries.

    She says that he didn't even pay for their dinner on the first date, but she thought nothing about it at the time. He doesn't provide money for clothes, toys or gas and she still wears her maternity clothes because she can't go clothes shopping. She feels as though that he financially "cheats" on her because she finds receipts of his from Starbucks, and he bought $100 worth of computer stuff when the kids needed clothes. He also goes to lunch and a movie alone so he doesn't have to pay for her or anybody else. He said that since HE provides, HE gets the priviledges....how selfish! :sad2:

    To make matters worse, he leaves for the military in a few days from that show and because he kept her so in the dark about money, she has no idea what to do or how she's gonna support herself and the kids while he's away. She gets child support from her ex-husband but that's only enough to cover the things that he said he wouldn't buy for her......What the h*ll is she gonna do? It made me so mad to see this man treat her that way.

    I'm a SAHM but my DH wouldn't DARE :furious: .....

    I see every penny that comes in this house and I have ALL bank cards and whatnot to make sure that everything is paid and that WE are taken care of. Sometimes us women have to cover our own a$$ no matter what. SAHM or whatever you do.......
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  3. tinker&belle

    tinker&belle DIS Veteran

    Jan 25, 2006
    I have a friend with a husband like that, but not nearly as bad. He gives her 'grocery money,' and she can use what is left on her needs (there is usually VERY little left if any.) He get mad if she goes over on groceries, or if the produce price is higher this month.
  4. dizagain

    dizagain DIS Veteran

    Jan 6, 2004
    Wow. I am a sahm with child #3 arriving soon. I have worked part-time teaching most of the time until this year so I had my own paychecks plus DH's to handle. I have always stayed on top of the $ - what there is of it, anyway! If I didn't, we'd be in big trouble and DH is the first to admit it. I am the one always trying to save, cut back, etc. I can't imagine DH "telling" me what I can and cannot do with finances or anything else for that matter. We discuss things and usually it all works out! The one thing we don't always agree on is my method of saving for one vacation a year...DH often wants to dip into that $ and wonders why we need a vacation in the first place. Then, after the trip, he's all happy we did it and thankful that I saved up for it. I feel for that woman, but I wonder how she got herself into such a situation? :confused3
  5. pearlieq


    Aug 3, 2004
    Ugh! I'll never understand why women let that happen! It's just so dangerous, not to mention degrading.

    DH and I are equal parties in our money decisions, though I'm more "in charge" on a day to day basis, mostly because I like it and I'm pretty savvy. I would never want to be with a man who thought in terms of "my money and your money". Everything here is "our money".
  6. pweyl36

    pweyl36 <font color=green>Now if I can only get them into

    Feb 4, 2005
    Well the only person that she should blame is her self if she lets her husband treat her that way.it sounds like she new how he was when they were dating.
    oh,by the way I am in control of our money. :thumbsup2
  7. bettyann29

    bettyann29 <font color=blue>Heres my contribution for today..

    Dec 30, 2003
    Wow I cant imagine living like that.. Im not a SAHM but there is no way I would be with someone who treated me that way..

    As far as bill paying, I guess I would be in charge, but its OUR money as we both work and bring the money home..
  8. PaulaSue


    Aug 20, 2004
    Darn I missed it. I hope Dr. Phil ripped him a new one. :rolleyes:
  9. jennifer293


    Jan 29, 2005
    I too hope Dr. Phil ripped him a new HOLE!!!

    I would say I am in control of the funds and yes, I am a SAHM. I pay all the bills and when money gets low I let him know so he knows that "no spending" is allowed until he is paid again. :thumbsup2
  10. EthansMom


    Jul 13, 2003
    I'm a SAHM. Although DH and I make major money decisions together, I make the majority of the money decisions on a day-to-day basis. I pay the bills, do most shopping, and have control over all of our investments.
  11. barbeml


    Sep 8, 2002
    I didn't see the show, but that couple's problems have nothing to do with money. Money is just a tool he uses to control her, and she can only blame herself for allowing it. I hope Dr. Phil gave it to him good...he's been going soft lately.

    DH and I have the same money style. I keep the check book and pay the bills, he keeps the Quicken records. We make decisions on investments and major purchases jointly, but everything else is at our discretion.
  12. marcyinPA


    Apr 2, 2001
    LOL,That's exactly how things work here too! Only difference is starting in September, I'll no longer be a SAHM after 11 years! I'll be teaching pre-school part time. But, I'll still be in charge of the $$...He makes it, I handle it. It's been that way since we got married. It works for us (I'm better with money than he is!)

  13. Kellydelly

    Kellydelly DIS Veteran

    Aug 25, 2004
    My husband and I both have whatever access to our money we want/need. I'm a SAHM and am happily married to a man that doesn't control me or the finances!
  14. Laurajean1014


    Jun 28, 2001
    Poor men want to be rich
    Rich men wanna be King
    But a King ain't satisfied
    Till he rules everything.....

    Me! :teeth:
  15. disneysnowflake

    disneysnowflake DIS Veteran

    Feb 3, 2004
    We're big savers.

    DH works too much overtime. I work part time.

    No one is in control over the money. It's direct deposited each week. We have a set amount our for each of us as spending money. When that spending money is gone you don't spend any more. We know what bills need paid. We've just never had a problem with control in my marriage, and we'll be married 19 years soon.

    I so could NOT be married to someone like that jerk on Dr. Phil. I didn't even know him, but I wanted to smack him.
  16. liamandcaili

    liamandcaili DIS Veteran

    Aug 22, 2005
    There was a time when DH was in charge of the money and the bills...many years ago...and the phone got shut off because he forgot to pay the bill, not to mention the times the cable got cut off, and once the electricity. He is generally a responsible and caring husband, but I now pay the bills and control the household expenses. I am a SAHM, and there have been times when we have fought over money because DH is earning and I am not, but since I've been in charge, I have paid off almost all our debt, some of which was in really bad shape before, and no major utilities have been disconnected. He has grown to realize that my contribution to the household is just as valuable as his paycheck, so he doesn't question me too much anymore.
  17. jenr812

    jenr812 <font color=deeppink>I'm wondering how outta hand

    Feb 9, 2004
    Ditto - that is exactly how it is here! I have been a SAHM for 8 years and have also been a full time nursing student for 2 years. I cannot WAIT til we double our income next year :cheer2::Pinkbounc:banana::yay::dance3:
  18. arminnie


    Aug 22, 2003
    An interesting side note:
    I had about 15 women over a couple of months ago. We've all known each other since we were in high school and will all soon turn 60.

    One of the women addressed the group and asked if anyone knew what their husband did with the money. Every single one of them (except the one asking) said that they knew exactly what money they had, earned, was spent, saved, etc. - i.e. they were full partners.

    What was ironic is that the one who asked is really, really bossy and controlling (but we love her anyway after this many years), and she was the only one who didn't have a clue about her financial situation. They have a beautiful home and her husband is retired (she never worked outside the home).

    How would you ever know if you could buy anything?
  19. Chickysmom

    Chickysmom Sadly....tagless

    Jun 22, 2005

    I agree that the issues are much deeper than money here, although I did not see the show.

    As far as finances in my household.....DH and I share things equally....he makes it and I spend it! LOL A shared responsibility is really easier on everyone, don't ya think! HeeHee
  20. disykat

    disykat DIS Veteran

    Jun 5, 2000
    What did Dr. Phil say?????

    We have equal money access and control at our house - and it's all OUR money, despite the fact that I've been SAHM or part time now for 14 years.
  21. branv


    May 20, 2005
    :confused3 Ever notice alot of these couples on Dr. Phil either got married really quickly before they truly knew each other or there were DEFINITE signs of future problems but they turned a blind eye/assumed they could change them? I have sympathy for many people, but some of the couples..jeez, you just want to go, "what did you expect, he/she was a $#@ before you married them!" I guess I am just lucky that I was born with too fiesty of a disposition to live with someone who treats me with that kind of disrespect. I hope that poor lady can gird her pride and stand up for herself.

    DH and I both have a hand in the finances - we don't purchase anything pricey without first consulting each other, and we both know what is going on with the finances. We both know all the passwords to accounts, both know where all the files are, and we keep a spreadsheet that we update with monthly bills due/paid. I have to say as many stupid couple things we can fuss at each other about (for the love of pete just how hard is it to put toilet paper on the holder?! :teeth: ), money is one thing we almost never argue about. I'm surprised at how seldom people I know talk about financial habits/beliefs before they get married, and have been equally saddened to see how badly mismatched financial personalities can damage a family emotionally as well as financially. :sad2:

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