Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with elderly Questions tagged with 'elderly' at Ask MetaFilter. Sat, 20 Dec 2014 10:20:20 -0800 Sat, 20 Dec 2014 10:20:20 -0800 en-us 60 Pro tips for setting up iPad for elderly mom This question - how to set up an iPad for an elderly relative - has been asked frequently before. I'll summarize what I learned from those threads and ask a few new questions related to new iOS 8 features and cases, keyboards, and styluses. I bought an iPad Air for my 85 year old mom and am looking for advice on setting it up (something I'll do later this weekend). She uses a windows desktop computer today and does OK, and has broadband. I'll also be setting up a WiFi access point and will be with her a couple of days over Christmas to give her a few lessons on using the iPad. Complications: she has arthritis, and macular degeneration, so has some trouble with her hands and vision isn't that great. I bought her a Kindle DX a couple of years ago and it didn't go that well - the chiclet style keyboard was just too small and hard to read. My complications: I live a couple hundred miles away. I have an iPad, but it is first generation, so I'm not familiar with iOS features on an iPad beyond iOS 5 (I do use iOS 8 on a phone).<br> <br> This question has been asked more than a few times over the years, but I don't see anything more recent than December of 2013 (Here are the most helpful threads I found: <a href="">1</a>, <a href="">2</a>, <a href="">3</a>, <a href="">4</a>, and <a href="">5</a>). Here are my main take-aways from reading through those discussions:<br> <br> - There are a number of accessibility settings in iOS that I can tweak to make things more readable, like size of text and contrast (iOS 7 accessibility tips linked <a href="">here</a> and <a href="">here</a>)<br> - A stylus is a good idea as an add-on<br> - A bluetooth keyboard is a good idea as an add-on (and don't skimp here)<br> - There are iPad cases that are easy to grip, with handstraps on the back<br> - iPads end up generating a lot of user IDs and passwords, so write them down somewhere in case they are needed<br> - Set up an iTunes account/Apple ID without a credit card linked to it; I can always do that later or gift in money for apps<br> - Set up FaceTime to be able to message and video chat with my mom<br> - Set up PhotoStream to be able to share photos<br> <br> Here are my specific questions that are a little more geared towards 2014:<br> <br> - The last review of cases with straps/handgrips I found was dated 2012. I'm looking for up-to-date recommendations on a case with some kind of strap or handgrip to make it easier for mom to hold onto the device with her arthritic hands.<br> - I don't use a stylus myself, any recommendations there? I imagine something big/fat would probably be better.<br> - Same with bluetooth keyboards. Any particular recommendations?<br> - One of the new things that came out with iOS 8 are third party (software) keyboards. I googled to see if there are better choices out there than the default keyboard that Apple provides, but found this <a href="">disappointing review</a> at that basically says, "too early."<br> - My thought was to create an iTunes account for my mom without a credit card attached, and also to turn on the "Family Sharing" feature in iOS 8 - good idea?<br> - What iOS8 features am I overlooking here?<br> - What applications should I plan to preload for her? My mom likes to read about current events, likes to do the crossword puzzle in her daily newspaper, and likes to read novels. Based on the other threads I linked above, I'm planning to load Kindle, Flipboard, and a weather app. What else?<br> - Any other advice you would give me to make it a good experience? Once I walk out the door on the day after Christmas, I'll probably be gone until March, so I want to plan as much in advance as I can. I'm especially interested in anything that would let me assist her remotely.<br> <br> Thanks as always for your ideas and assistance!,2014:site.273287 Sat, 20 Dec 2014 10:20:20 -0800 kovacs Should I avoid supporting my aging father? My father is aging, with heart problems and developing dementia. I am generally a conscientious person, but I'm staring down the necessity of supporting him like the barrel of a gun. Special snowflake details inside. I live about 2.5 hours drive from my parents. Earlier this year, my mom died of cancer. I brought her into my home and my in-laws and I took care of her. Now, it turns out that she was basically taking care of my father: he clearly is not self-sustaining, but does not want to leave his home. I cannot move closer (he lives in my hometown, in the middle of nowhere).<br> <br> So, until now (for the last four months, since my mom died), my seven aunts and uncles have basically been taking care of him. My two siblings are nowhere to be seen. I have been visiting every weekend since my mom died, handling finances, and helping pay for things where I can.<br> <br> This week, one of the aunts started sending me abusive emails, talking about how my dad "is not her responsibility," and claiming that I'm not helping enough, and so on. Here are facts of my life.<br> <br> <ol><br> <li>My mom raised me. My parents were separated from my birth until I was 16, when my mom and I moved back in with my father to take care of him after he had bypass surgery.</li><br> <li>My father was a "father" in that he provided a zygote, and he provided a token amount of money for rent to my mom. (Complaining about it every time, of course.) He was never a "dad."</li><br> <li>In his present location, my dad has 7 siblings and their (adult) children to deal with problems. If I take full responsibility for him, these will melt away and it will be me, my currently-38-weeks-pregnant-wife, and in-laws.</li><br> </ol><br> <br> I am generally a very conscientious person, but at this point in my life I feel unable to take anything else on. I just don't think it's feasible, logistically: how can I work, deal with my dad's medical appointments and other issues, and actually have time to spend with my son and wife at this, the most incredible time that we can possibly share? All of my aunts and uncles and other relatives have their commitments, but their children are also grown. I was hoping to be able to help financially, providing pay for wear and tear on peoples' cars, buying meals, doing the finances and paperwork for my dad, and so on—but this is clearly not satisfying for the rest of my clan.<br> <br> At this point, my instinct is to just "hang it up." I can't deal with abuse and disrespect on top of the other issues. I feel like I'm about to explode from stress.<br> <br> Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? Am I a horrible person?,2014:site.271490 Thu, 13 Nov 2014 15:14:28 -0800 Anonymous Feeding a sick elderly dog What to do for an elderly, sick, underweight dog who won't eat his prescription food? Asking for a friend. <a href="">His terrier</a> is 16 and has chronic pancreatitis as well as liver and kidney disease, which he's on a prescription canned food for. He also gets NSAIDs in his food for arthritis in his hips and spine. As if he needed another thing to be going wrong, he's pretty underweight- fighting weight is 10 lbs and he's below 8. He's been refusing to eat his prescription food. If he doesn't eat, he can't get his NSAIDs. I'm trying to figure out what to do to help him live out the time he has left in comfort. I've thought about mixing other things into his prescription food, but he can't have too much protein or fat. My next step is to try to mix in low-sodium beef broth or flavoring but I'm looking for other ideas to get him eating and keep him comfortable.,2014:site.271407 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 07:26:29 -0800 quiet coyote Best standing shoes for elderly mom? My mom (she's 71) continues to work a couple of part time jobs, both out of financial need and a determination to keep working. One of them has her standing on a concrete floor for fairly long periods a few times a week. I'm looking for advice on the best shoes that will keep her as comfortable as possible, ones I can buy online (preferably in Canada) and send to her. I realize sizing is probably an issue here, with buying shoes online, but I'm keen to try anyway.,2014:site.271279 Sun, 09 Nov 2014 15:42:02 -0800 stavrosthewonderchicken Discourage clients who don't get a flu shot to protect my elderly Mother My 87 year old Mother likes to help in my office. She is healthy, but frail. Should I mention to clients that I don't want them coming in to see me when they are sick and that I would prefer they have a flu shot? Is there some sort of proper business etiquette for this? Thanks. I'm in casual California, if that helps.,2014:site.270652 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 05:28:11 -0800 mrhappy Make an Android tablet elder-friendly for my grandma Family members have gotten an Android tablet for my 97-year-old grandmother. Please suggest some ways to make the tablet as friendly and easy to use as possible for someone who has computer experience, but who can be pessimistic about learning new things and can get frustrated with people trying to teach her. We're particularly interested in tablet settings and also methods for instructing her in its use, but also open to hearing about tutorials or apps that might make her experience smoother. I'm overseas, so I'll be passing along ideas to my dad. My grandmother has been using a Windows desktop for email, web browsing, and some word-processing for many years, but lately it's been getting difficult for her to sit at the computer desk for very long. Her eyesight is not great, but she reads large-print books and has been able to see her monitor well enough by leaning in close. Her hand coordination can be a bit unsteady and she will accidentally click or double-click on things, usually without realizing that she has done so. Short-term memory is getting worse and changes to familiar things like her email client can throw her for a loop.<br> <br> She has previously played with a piano keyboard app on an iPad and was quite absorbed by it. We think she'd like to do more of that kind of thing, as well as her usual computing activities. There will also be a bunch of family photos on the SD card for her to browse.<br> <br> The tablet is a Lenovo IdeaTab A10-70 (aka A7600-F) running Android 4.4.2 (Kit Kat). From what I can tell, it doesn't have a physical HOME button, only soft keys.<br> <br> We're especially interested in settings or learning techniques to do the following:<br> <br> •Setting the virtual keyboard to resemble a physical keyboard as much as possible (e.g. not hiding punctuation)<br> •Making it easy to use her Gmail account, like (importantly) <strong>very simple ways to choose contacts for new messages</strong>, also a very basic app that doesn't allow her to accidentally swipe-to-delete emails<br> •Making the interface - icons and text - large enough for her to see easily.<br> •An easy way to find and browse photos, perhaps also using a slideshow<br> •A browser that supports an easy and intuitive way to access bookmarks and to enter search terms<br> •Avoiding accidentally launching apps or getting confused by accidentally pressing the menu soft key when holding the tablet (maybe using a stylus? Some kind of lap desk that the tablet can be attached to so she doesn't have to grip it?)<br> •General de-cluttering and getting confusing things out of sight<br> •Ways to ease her into it without causing her to feel pressured or getting frustrated and giving up,2014:site.270084 Thu, 16 Oct 2014 12:14:01 -0800 theory Non-word search puzzles for ESL grandmother. I want to buy a few non-word-search puzzle games or books for a friend's grandmother, who is ESL and has age-related difficulties (needs large print, easy-level puzzles). I want to buy something and have it shipped, I don't want to print out puzzles, and nothing electronic format. I prefer books which have a bunch of the same type of puzzle, so we can explain the instructions to her and then she can work through a bunch. Puzzles which require complicated or nuanced reading or a different explanation for every page are no good.<br> <br> She likes word searches, but she already has a ton. She likes to try different things. Most other word-based puzzles would be too hard, things like crosswords would just be impossible for her.<br> <br> She likes Numbrix, but usually can only complete the easy-level ones. She doesn't have many of these, since we have been printing them out one at a time.<br> <br> She likes simple matching card games (I forgot the name of the one she likes) but something like Set may be too hard. We're also going to buy Quirkle and try that. Multi-player games are OK if they are <i>good</i>, but I'm mostly looking for things she can do without us.<br> <br> I can find a lot of one-off puzzles that fit these requirements, but I'm having trouble getting large collections.,2014:site.269657 Wed, 08 Oct 2014 04:34:37 -0800 anaelith Help me track my mother's computer usage My mother is 90-years-old and lives alone. We worry when she doesn't pick up for the phone or we haven't heard from her for a couple of days. She is actively-opposed to any sort of regular check-ins by phone or e-mail to us, and she also does not want to use any type of monitoring service for the elderly (such as Lifeline) She does, however, use e-mail and her computer on a daily basis. Is there any software I can install that would send out e-mail alerts to us when she has (or hasn't) used her computer in x amount of hours? I would, of course, ask her permission to do this, and I am fairly sure she would be okay with it. (Don't ask me what exactly the difference is between this and Lifeline, I think it has to do with the stigma of aging that a service like Lifeline implies, something she is quite sensitive about.),2014:site.268822 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 09:47:55 -0800 nanook Aging in literature and film As I approach my fifties and confront the reality that parts of my body are wearing out and will never be young and resilient again, I turn to the arts for deeper philosophical understanding of this aspect of the human condition that I am facing. I'd like recommendations of fictional treatments of physical aging which are realistic but compassionate. Guidelines and caveats behind the fold. I would prefer literary fiction rather than memoir or genre fiction, but I will consider some mysteries or SF if they are particularly well written and a distinctive treatment of the theme. I welcome books from both female and male authors, but would like to stay away from the typical Updike/Roth/Mailer treatment which seems to be oriented mainly around the author's fear of the loss of potency of his penis. I am more interested in characters dealing with the physical limitations and losses of aging, more so than mental concerns. I do not want to read something that makes fun of or is cruel to the old. I do not want to read something that is totally bleak, but more that it is about coming to terms with the stage of life that the character(s) is/are in. In literature, a good example is the works of Alice Munro. In film, a good example is Robot and Frank, or Harold and Maude.,2014:site.266741 Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:45:57 -0800 matildaben Mother's Little Helper YANMMD -- you are not my mother's doctor. But you probably can do a better job than her current one. Please help. My 87-year-old mother recently moved back to her hometown, a place we'll refer to as Hellhole, Arkansas. She is in excellent physical health (cholesterol a tiny bit high, but ratios good, not overweight, no smoking or drinking). Mentally she has always been a miserable person, and this has worsened (along with serious short-term memory loss) in the past few years. She is 13 of 15 on the Geriatric Depression Scale. She lacks appetite and can't focus.<br> <br> The doctor she is seeing, one of the few in Hellhole, is at least 70. He made inappropriate comments while "examining" my tits when I was a teenager and is IMO one of those last-in-his-class-at-a-third-rate-med-school physicians who survived because he serves a mostly ignorant population. The nearest gerontologist is 2+ hours away from Hellhole, and I can't get her in until December.<br> <br> I believe that it's worth trying her on dementia or anti-depression meds, and my sister conveyed this to Dr. Hellhole. He put her on Zoloft (I don't know the dose yet) and said he'd check her "in a month."<br> <br> Everything I have read suggests that a: Zoloft may not be the best drug for seniors, b: it sometimes takes 12 weeks for results in elderly patients c: she should be very closely monitored and d: he probably prescribes it because he plays golf with the rep.<br> <br> I'm calling him this afternoon. (I'm on her HIPAA paperwork). I KNOW I'M NOT A DOCTOR. But I've probably done more reading about geriatric depression than her doctor, and I'm not lazy or indebted to my pharmaceutical rep.<br> <br> Issues of my own surfacing from childhood? DEFINITELY. I'm aware of that and trying hard to not let it color my actions. But I could really use some advice, and I welcome hearing about experiences from those who have been through a similar situation. Thanks so much.,2014:site.266253 Mon, 04 Aug 2014 11:15:14 -0800 SockPuppetOfShame Is there any hope that she will see heart surgery as a wakeup call? My spouse's mother, a senior citizen, just learned this year that she has heart failure. She survived multiple heart surgeries recently, a harrowing process during which she said she never wants to go through that again. Great! We assumed this meant that she was seeing this as a wakeup call to change her eating/exercise habits and stress levels so that she could get healthier. Several weeks later, it turns out that she is going back to all the old habits that helped contribute to heart disease in the first place. Is there any hope for her changing her deeply-ingrained habits? If so, what can my spouse do from afar to help support mom? If there isn't any hope for her adjusting her lifestyle, then how can we learn to accept her choices and still give her the support she needs? We live far away from her, and my spouse has spent much time visiting, patiently trying to help her choose healthier foods, and cooking at home. MIL who lives alone, won't cook for herself, and has also rejected the idea of hiring a personal chef, or eating prepackaged meals. She prefers to continue eating at the same restaurants, and will order foods that are not considered heart-healthy at all, or very unbalanced in favor of sugar/salt. While she is certainly stubborn, she is also quite possibly confused because she has received many conflicting opinions on how to eat healthier, both from her doctors, and from society in general. The good news is that she was never a smoker, and only drinks rarely.<br> <br> Specifically, I'm looking for A) examples of people who had major "wakeup calls" and drastically changed their habits at an advanced age. What is required from an emotional perspective to be able to reverse such deeply ingrained habits? And B) How can we better accept a person's choice to refuse to change their unhealthy habits?,2014:site.266078 Thu, 31 Jul 2014 16:47:52 -0800 Anonymous Grief and the elderly How do the elderly process loss? I'm right now facing up to the imminent death of a parent. My grandmother is facing the death of a child. This is the first time I'm experiencing such grief and a large part of it is because my parent is dying young with hopes and potential unfulfilled.<br> <br> This experience is making me wonder what the elderly go through when they lose someone in their own age group. Does grief at loss have the same sharp edge if you lose a 94 year old sister as when you lose one in her thirties?<br> <br> More generally, does it become easier with multiple bereavements? Will it be easier for my grandmother to deal with losing a child at this age given that she's already lost parents, one of her siblings and a spouse?<br> <br> Personal experiences are welcome as are suggestions of reading material.,2014:site.266076 Thu, 31 Jul 2014 15:39:23 -0800 Anonymous Car insurance for someone who doesn't drive My mother wants to give me her car so I can insure it for her - is this insurance fraud? I know you're not my insurance agent or my lawyer. I will be consulting with my insurance agent shortly, but I wanted to get an idea of possible issues before I call.<br> <br> My mother is elderly, legally blind and no longer has a driver's licence. But she does have a car, that she has other people drive her around in - sometimes a neighbor, sometimes a person specifically hired to drive her, and sometimes relatives visiting from out of town.<br> <br> She went to renew her insurance and was told that since she no longer drives, the company won't insure the car. I told her to just sell the car, but she is totally unwilling to do that. She wants to transfer it to me (say, sell it to me for $1) and have me insure it under my name and then she can continue to use it as she has been. She would pay me for the insurance charges as well as any costs involved in transferring the title.<br> <br> It's a 2010 Mazda (I don't know what model.)<br> We're in New York.<br> <br> I don't have any problem doing this for her if it's legal, but is there an additional down side I'm not seeing?,2014:site.263354 Tue, 10 Jun 2014 14:25:05 -0800 chocolatepeanutbuttercup Please help us get my mom into memory care! Central Indiana - I need elder care help <em>today!</em> Please help us! Long, ugly story short...My mom (who has Alzheimer's/dementia) was found wandering Thursday evening. Police took her to a hospital in Indianapolis (I'm in Muncie) My name and number was in their system as primary contact. My brother, who is supposed to care for her, is nowhere to be found and has turned-off his phone. After an overnight stay, the hospital strong-armed my wife and I into taking her home with us to Muncie. This already isn't working. We aren't trained in the sort of constant, skilled care an Alzheimer's sufferer needs. We got no sleep last night, and this morning is already going downhill.<br> <br> Yes, she needs to be in a memory care facility. Here are the reasons why she isn't...<br> • She does not have the funds/income to private-pay. Thus, no facility will accept her.<br> • Even if she could scrape-together the funds to see her through until Medicaid could kick-in, I do not have the legal authority to sell-off the assets necessary (the infamous spend-down) to qualify for Medicaid. She owns two small, run-down properties, one she lives in and the other my brother lives in. <br> <br> We had been talking to an elder-care attorney about possibly petitioning for guardianship in order to get my brother out of the picture so we can get mom in a facility, but, in our last meeting, he told us he needed $2000 up-front to proceed, that the cost could easily jump much higher, and he didn't feel confident that the Indianapolis courts would decide in our favor. He basically sent the message that he didn't want to proceed, but if we did, it would be very expensive. We barely have a spare $2000, and there is no way we have multiples of that to pay him, especially if he doesn't feel like there is a good chance of us prevailing.<br> <br> I just feel like we've been tossed into a dead-end of misery. As I said, my brother (mom's primary caregiver) has disappeared. Because of that, we can't simply take her back to her home and leave her there, hoping he will show up and manage her meds and resume care. Everyone in the system, from the hospital social worker, to Adult Protective Services, has abandoned us and basically washed their hands of it and left us to fend for mom on our own. <br> <br> This is a very dangerous situation. Our nerves are already frazzled and frustrations and tempers are boiling. We literally have no bloody clue what to do, but we know we can't do this. At this point, we are actually considering taking mom home and hope she goes wandering again and ends back at the hospital. At that point, when they call us, we would refuse to help. The way the system treated us, strong-arming us into taking her home with us, has taught us that that is the only viable response.<br> <br> Please...If there is anyone in central Indiana reading this who can help us, or knows someone who can, we are desperate. Today. If you have resources, please MeMail me. If you want, I can give you my phone number. <br> <br> Please.,2014:site.262788 Sat, 31 May 2014 05:36:41 -0800 Thorzdad Book Recs for Nursing Home Book Club I'm a social worker at a skilled nursing facility, and one of my residents has asked if we could start a book club. I'm trying to come up with a list of books that they can vote on to decide what we read first, and am looking for suggestions. There are just a few parameters:<br> <br> 1) The residents are elderly, and most are at least somewhat conservative. I don't want to be overly cautious about content, but at the same time we're just starting out, so I guess I do kind of want to err on the side of tamer material that hopefully won't scandalize them. I would also like to try to offer mostly upbeat options, although some heavier material would also be okay. <br> <br> 2) If possible, books that have been available in paperback for a while would be best, since I'd like to keep the cost down as much as possible. <br> <br> Other than that, I'm pretty much open to any ideas. Fiction or non-fiction, mystery, fantasy, whatever!,2014:site.261982 Thu, 15 May 2014 16:02:21 -0800 odayoday Moving your parent to a Senior Living Home My friend is faced with moving her mother to a 'Senior Living Home'. (Connecticut) A lot of factors led to this; tests and professional advice, safety concerns, Mom's reluctant consent etc. Daughter understands all this, and will be relieved by her Mom's move to full-time care, but at the same time feels devastated taking this action. Abandonment, loss of memory and communication...... While other family members have visited the location and are happy with it, we will be visiting soon for the first time. 1. What should we consider? Where can a consumer look for possible violations or complaints? 2. I never had to face this. How can I support her?,2014:site.258875 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 12:03:54 -0800 ebesan Simple CD player for elderly mother Looking for recommendations for a very easy to use boombox-type CD player for my elderly mother. She doesn't do much with it besides listen to audio books and other spoken word recordings (like a Catholic rosary reading), so nothing too fancy is needed. The main thing it needs very few buttons and no frills. No need to AM/FM radio or cassette. No recommendations for MP3 or ipod docks, please, they just add complexity. Just a very dependable, very senior-friendly CD player. Cost is not really an object, but I can't imagine a basic player costing more than $100. I'm in Los Angeles, CA, so I've got lots of retail options, but online retailers are preferred.,2014:site.258828 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 16:46:28 -0800 soundslikeobiwan Concerned about an elderly neighbor What should I do about/for my elderly, possibly senile neighbor? I am concerned for her safety. Special snowflake details inside. I live in a Co-Op apartment building in New York City. Across the hall is a studio apartment that houses three elderly people, a woman and two men. I believe the woman to be the wife of one of the men. Until last year I had not seen the woman until an incident in which I witnessed her waiting in the vestibule of the building for hours at a time. When I confronted her, thinking she was a stranger, I asked who she was waiting for. She refused to tell me, claiming it was "illegal". After a very strange conversation in which she refused to tell me her name, where she lived, or who she was waiting for, I told her that she could not stay in the vestibule, but that I would be happy to help her get in touch with someone. At that point she produced a key, opened the door to the lobby, and went upstairs to her apartment. She came off to me as either senile, terrified of outsiders, or some combination of both.<br> <br> More recently, there was an incident in which the police came to the building asking if anyone knew her, what apartment she lived in, etc... It turns out that she had wound up in the hospital with no identification, and unable or unwilling to tell the authorities who she was and where she lived. More importantly, no one had reported her missing. Somehow the police had tracked her to our address. They were concerned that her roommates had passed away and that that was why she had not been reported missing, but this was not the case. After this incident we did see people from the city come by to check on them once or twice, but nothing for a while. <br> <br> Since then, she has begun appearing more disheveled, wearing plastic bags on her head and feet, and smelling almost unbearably bad. There is also an odor coming from the apartment. I have seen the woman exiting the apartment as if she is trying to sneak out, closing the door very softly behind her. She then sits in the lobby or vestibule for extended periods of time. When I see her do this, I have been knocking on the door to the apartment and alerting her roommates, who only answer the door reluctantly. I think that they usually go get her when I do this. <br> <br> My concern is twofold. Primarily, I am worried that she will wander off again and that something terrible will happen to her. I am also concerned for the general health, cleanliness, and condition of her, her roommates, and her apartment. <br> <br> What should I do as a responsible neighbor?,2014:site.258824 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 16:24:12 -0800 Anonymous How to Keep the Balance-Impaired Independent ... and Safe? My parents, who are in their early 80's, both have spinal stenosis, which means both have mobility issues. It's a bum leg that affects balance in one case; in the other, periodic bouts of numbness in one or both legs. Both parents have done stints in physical therapy, both are lax about exercising regularly and, as of the day before yesterday, both have now fallen on the brick floor of the indoor sun porch. To date, there's been no real injury, and I want to keep it that way. At the very least, I want to ensure that the risk of harm is minimized and no heads are cracked. Difficulty level: a floor that floods (and mold), a large house, and exhaustingly stubborn parents. The sun porch in question has a roof, glass windows, siding and is fully furnished, but there's no heat or proper indoor flooring. The space was originally an outdoor bricked-in patio, and when it was enclosed the brick floor was not replaced. In snowy or rainy weather, the sand between the bricks gets soaked, so fighting mold on the bricks is an on-going chore. My parents won't consider replacing the floor, so assume it's permanent. Also assume that aesthetics are of primary concern to my artistic parents, so any soft non-slip floor covering need be not only mold-proof and/or easily cleaned, but also pretty darned attractive. <br> <br> The space is probably 10x8, but we would only really need to cover the main pathways and the area beside their chairs. <strong>Do you know of any modestly priced floor coverings that might fit the bill?</strong><br> <br> On a couple of related notes: The house is enormous, and hearing is sometimes a problem. For emergencies like falls, the parents aren't likely to hear each other if they're not nearby. <strong>Does anybody have any suggestions for cheap one-button intercoms or baby monitors that could be *easily* set up in several rooms, including the sun porch?<br> </strong><br> Finally, on two occasions a parent has had to sleep downstairs. <strong>Does anybody have any suggestions for modestly priced light, but comfortable, cots or rollaway beds?</strong><br> <br> Got any other suggestions or thoughts for addressing parental safety concerns? If so, please fire away. I can use all the help I can get.<br> <br> <strong>TLDR: Need cute, inexpensive large nonslip waterproof floor coverings (to help break falls), a rollaway bed, and an intercom system. Can you suggest anything?</strong> <br> <br> <br> ———<br> <small>It may be worth noting that the parents use the sun porch frequently throughout the day, and that won't change, which is why safety issues there must be addressed ASAP. Also, yes, both parents have access to walkers and canes, but they don't tend to use them indoors, and I obviously can't control whether they do.</small>,2014:site.258448 Mon, 10 Mar 2014 07:42:44 -0800 Violet Blue Seeking journal article to state the obvious It seems to be common knowledge that elderly people, or others who are subject to more falls, will sustain more fractures than the rest of the population, and will have increased morbidity as a result. What I am looking for is an authoritative journal article (abstract or title is fine), preferably from an orthopaedic publication, stating the above. I can find lots of articles talking about what causes falls, how to prevent them, and how to treat individuals with fracture as a result of falling, but nothing that states concisely the point summarized above.<br> <br> Can any scientifically-minded MeFites point me in the right direction?,2014:site.258345 Fri, 07 Mar 2014 19:17:01 -0800 HoteDoge Aging Parent Filter: how do your folks get food and transportation? People with aging parents (not newly retired, but also not ready for home care/retirement home): how are your parents getting food and transportation? My husband and I are having a debate on taking care of elderly parents, and we're now wondering about the general state of how the elderly are getting by on their own who still have some degree of independence. For those of you with aging parents who are at the stage where they've been independent for a while, but are now slowing down (but aren't ready to let go of their independence)...<br> <br> 1. How are they getting their food? (Do they cook still? Does someone cooks for them? If so, who? Do they get food delivered? If so, by who?)<br> <br> 2. How are they getting around? (Are they still driving? What if you don't want them to drive? Are they using a service? If so, who and how do they contact them?)<br> <br> Background on your parents' age/basic health status would be helpful.,2014:site.257942 Fri, 28 Feb 2014 14:08:06 -0800 cranberryskies A hypothetical question about fall risk and Parkinsons Does activity level during the day elevate the risk of a fall later in the day for a Parkinsons patient? Daisy has Parkinsons. She is described by her doctor as an extremely high risk for falls. She is old. <br> <br> Her devoted caretaker John says that Parkinsons patients are prone to fall in the course of certain actions-- bending or reaching, for example. A friend of theirs-- Jenny-- started a fall log. It reflects what John said.<br> <br> Jenny noticed something else about the falls. Four of the last five late in the day, on days that Daisy had done a lot of activities (visits to the doctor or the mall and/or in-house physical therapy). <br> <br> Jenny thinks the pattern of activity + falls is something that John should discuss with Daisy's doctor. She was disappointed that the physical therapist was a bit combative about and dismissive of the pattern. John and the physical therapist told Jenny that the nature of action alone is causes the fall. (Jenny privately wonders whether the therapist explaining to Daisy to importance of being safe is enough at this point.)<br> <br> But, for all Jenny knows, they are right. Jenny is no expert and she can't do anything about Daisy's situation anyway. <br> <br> Jenny just wants to know what you all think about the question of falls and Parkinsons? Is the physical therapist right to dismiss this pattern? Is heightened fall risk just one of those things that comes with the territory of a progressive disease and not something you'd bring up with the doctor?<br> <br> Daisy is very well cared for by many health professionals, and Jenny has a great relationship with Daisy and John and doesn't need help there. This question is about the fall angle only-- what the doctor would want to know, what John and the physical therapist are saying, and Jenny's view.,2014:site.257821 Wed, 26 Feb 2014 15:31:31 -0800 vincele Make a trip to see elderly relatives, even if she caused odd mini-drama? Should we make plans to drive several hours and stay in a hotel, after flying across the country with our young kids (who'll be ages 6.5 and 4.5) next Spring, so that they can meet my husband's elderly relatives, with whom he has always had very good relationships... that is, until his octogenarian Grandmother said something to him over the phone that caused my husband to suddenly have a strong negative/ambivalent reaction to the whole idea? My husband asks the hive mind this question - we've been in the initial stages of planning a detour to an already-reserved trip this Spring to meet up with a group of old friends and all stay in a large rental house together. On this proposed detour, we were thinking we would arrange to drive down to visit my husband's extended family. We would get a hotel so as not to impose too much on his elderly family members. The group trip location is about a 2-hour drive from where my husband's 86-year-old Grandmother, his Great-Aunts (his grandmother's 83-and 91-year-old sisters), and his 49-year-old Aunt (his grandmother's daughter) live on the US East Coast, 3 time zones away from us. Culturally, Grandmother and Great-Aunts are first-generation Americans raised in NYC by Italian immigrant parents, and they don't ever travel. We have not been able to visit them in 5 years, but when we last visited them, our oldest kid was just a baby and we all had a really wonderful visit at the Great-Aunts' shared home. In the meantime since our last visit, we had another child, who is now 4-years-old - and she is Grandmother's first and only great-granddaughter, who Grandmother always says she is so eager to eventually meet. <br> <br> We were looking forward to finally introducing our son and daughter to who we thought were "the healthiest members" of my husband's dysfunctional extended family. By choice, since 2007, my husband has not had a relationship with his mother, who like us, lives nowhere geographically near any of these women. His mother has never met our children. During our last visit in 2008, we felt extremely supported in my Husband's choice to cut his mother out of his life. Aunt (husband's mother's younger sister) made a point of saying to us "It's sad my sister is missing out on knowing her grandchild, but honestly nobody is judging you for not having Husband's Mother in your life. We have all known for years she is not well mentally." Which is in total agreement with how we understand his Mother's mental health condition to be.<br> <br> My husband spoke to one of his Great-Aunts the other day who reported that she and his Other Great-Aunt are not in good physical health - one is in rehab after a broken hip, the other was recently in the ER for breathing difficulties. They say they might be able to meet us at a restaurant for lunch or dinner "if one or both are still alive in 5 months" (her words, oy) and we offered to treat them and let them choose the restaurant if they're feeling up for it. They tentatively accepted.<br> <br> Then my husband spoke to his Grandmother over the phone recently, to check in and to also thank her for the Christmas gifts she sent to our children. During the nice conversation, his Aunt (Grandmother's daughter) came up. Grandmother suddenly changed her tone of voice and chided him: "You know, you should really call her <em>AUNT</em> FirstName." Huh?<br> <br> After they hung up, my Husband was feeling really surprised and discombobulated to have been harshly called out by his Grandmother, for, for... not using the word "Aunt"? It took him by surprise because she has never treated him like that in his entire life. Not even when he was a child.<br> <br> Now he's feeling alternately irritated with and confused by his Grandmother's remark, because he doesn't know which (if any?) meaning Grandmother was trying to communicate to him. It could have been something like:<br> <br> 1) Grandson, I wish you would call my 49-year-old daughter "AUNT" FirstName, even though you're 36-years-old and all, because I need to hear you to acknowledge that FirstName is <strong><em>your Mother's</em></strong> Sister even though you have cut your mother (my daughter) out of your life.<br> <br> or <br> <br> 2) Grandson, I'm hinting to you that your Aunt is actually mad at you and that she is holding a grudge against you because once upon a time you called her FirstName instead of "Aunt" FirstName.<br> <br> Or both meanings? Or none of the above? Who knows? Grandmother definitely stirred the pot! <br> <br> His Grandmother's odd statement caused my husband to reflect on the fact that his Aunt has not returned very many of his texts or calls in the last year or so, but then again, they had a nice phone chat recently, which she ended after a few minutes because she was getting out of the car for work. And during whole the conversation Aunt was warm and pleasant, as she always has been. His Aunt recently opened a restaurant and has understandably been very busy, but my Husband had thought nothing of the implications of his Aunt's overall hard-to-reach-ness until his Grandmother's comment started to make him wonder … if Aunt has maybe been holding some sort of grudge because he's been calling his Aunt by her First Name instead of Aunt First Name. Or something? Gah.<br> <br> If this sounds ludicrous and over-thinky, well, Husband says that grudge-holding is apparently A Thing in that family, and from family lore I've heard, I believe it's easily possible. But we thought Grandmother and Aunt were certainly the exceptions to the crazy, up to now they've been nothing but kind, so this whole thought process leaves us at a bit of a loss. Now my husband is questioning the point of us even making the trip detour. He's wondering if he would be happier with his memories of these folks as they used to be instead of going out there and trying to create new memories, given his Great-Aunts' illnesses, his Grandmother's odd statement, and his Aunt's very busy schedule and/or possible passive-agressive grudge-holding.<br> <br> In our shoes, would you still try to make time on this already-planned trip to detour and drive several hours with the kids (and get a hotel) in order to briefly visit these relatives? [To be clear: we are going on the trip to see our friends anyway, so the trip's on no matter what. We could easily cancel the proposed detour portion (to drive/hotel stay to see these relatives) probably without any hurt feelings on their end because of the Great-Aunts' stated health concerns and the fact that we haven't made firm plans with them.] Your thoughts?,2013:site.253760 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 00:29:19 -0800 hush Elderly mother's finances. Help. I've written before about my elderly mom's dementia. This is less about her memory problems (and mine dealing with them) and more about a sticky financial situation she's in, thanks to my stepsister. You are not my lawyer, but legal advice would be welcome. Prepare for flurries, inside. My mom has been married to Barry for over 40 years, since they were both 54. For most of their married life, Mom has been in charge of paying their bills from a joint account into which Barry deposited his Social Security checks. This is not his only money or income (he is quite wealthy), it's just the part of it Mom always had control of for their household expenses. She could spend it any way she liked, and she managed it very well.<br> <br> They have been in assisted living now for about a year and a half. Barry's daughter, my stepsister (we'll call her Jane), has his power of attorney. I have my mother's power of attorney. My stepsister pays their rent at the facility, his medical bills, and who knows what all, from Barry's "other" money, according to an arrangement made before they moved. She also sold Harry's house and has all of the proceeds. There was no change made to the joint account when they moved - it was still supposed to be for Mom's use, to pay for incidentals. I arranged, with Mom's and the bank's help, to get online access to that account so that I could take over paying the bills that Mom used to pay, because she is forgetful. Meanwhile, Barry's dementia has gotten much worse. He is basically out of the picture as far as any of this is concerned. <br> <br> Last July, my stepsister asked me if it would be OK with Mom to move Barry's Social Security deposit to an account that Jane controls. After asking Mom, I told her absolutely, emphatically, it would NOT be okay. She did it anyway. Mom is very upset about this and says that Barry would never have agreed to such a thing - he has always maintained that his SS money was meant to be for her use. <br> <br> Since I have not been able to convince my stepsister to undo this, I have recently started sending her the bills that I was paying from that account. It seems to me that if she gets the income, she should pay the bills. Jane said if Mom needs money, she can ask Jane for an allowance. My mom finds the idea of asking Jane for an allowance humiliating, so I asked Jane to either send me a monthly check for $500 that I will deposit for Mom, or deposit it to the joint account every month. I also asked her to reimburse my mother for the roughly $6,500 paid from that account since Jane stopped the SS deposit. This arrangement would still leave Jane getting the lion's share of the SS check, but it would be better than nothing.<br> <br> My stepsister has refused. It is not a question of need on her part, since the house money alone is enough to cover all living expenses for the two of them for years to come - surely for longer than they will live (they're 95).<br> <br> The situation is fraught, needless to say. Since my stepsister controls the money, she makes all decisions about our parents' living situation unilaterally. Lately she moved them out of their large three-room apartment and into separate studio apartments in the facility, very much against their wishes. I now understand why it needed to happen, after talking to the facility director, but neither I nor my mother was consulted about this move until after it was decided, when my stepsister demanded that I drop everything to come back there and move my mother out of her home, away from her husband, into a single room, and sell her furniture. I could not comply because this is my employer's busiest quarter and I cannot take any time off until January. My stepsister has never worked outside the home, so I guess that never occurred to her. So because I could not come, and Mom couldn't understand, and Jane did not bother to explain to her, Mom spent several days being extremely upset and disoriented, and she could not call me because Jane neglected to set up a long-distance carrier for Mom's new phone. Mom is furious and not speaking to Jane. I am furious on Mom's behalf. Something needs to be done, but what?<br> <br> My question is whether I have any legal recourse. Can I force my stepsister to take on the bills that were paid from this account (mostly medical stuff) and to reimburse Mom for the bills paid after the deposits were stopped? Is there any way that I can get Barry's SS deposit put back in Mom and Barry's joint account? I am in Denver and they are all in or near Peoria. Is this something that I can take to small claims court in Illinois to settle?,2013:site.253275 Fri, 06 Dec 2013 19:53:02 -0800 caryatid WebTV (AKA MSN TV) replacement? (with complications) So, my parents (in their 80s), like many older folks, lost internet connection when Microsoft shut down the former WebTV service in September. It was a perfect solution for them and it seems nothing has emerged to satisfactorily replace it, but we have special problems since they can only get dial-up in their rural US location, and cellular coverage is spotty and complicated. Plus I'm on a different continent (and not so good at that end of computer literacy anyway &ndash; especially since things work a bit differently where I am). Still, I'd like to know what replacement solutions people have come up with among those of you who have dealt with a similar problem, especially if you can't be on hand to address ongoing problems that might pop up. WebTV was great because there were no security issues, it was affordable, accessible, and provided all that my folks really wanted: email and search functions. I don't think my parents even ever messed with Facebook at all. They just want to be able to read their email and look things up. I think they also used the printing function to print photos that were emailed to them.<br> <br> But like a lot of people, their email is kind of a virus sweet spot, with lots of mail from friends and family who append everyone in their contact list in the cc field, linking to all sorts of iffy junk, etc. All the usual stuff, and they definitely aren't savvy about stuff like WE HAVE DETECTED A VIRUS ON YOUR COMPUTER, CLICK HERE TO REMOVE IT, or fake urls, and all the rest.<br> <br> Chromebook is a frequently offered suggestion, but as I understand it, won't work with dial-up. I also know that iPad (and this is just assuming it will even connect with cellular where they are, and it well may not) is vaunted as being easy for older people, but I have one, and I'm not really seeing it if there isn't someone there to be able to provide some ongoing guidance, especially at first. I was a bit taken aback myself when various things I was used to changed with the latest update, for example. (I have other family who can pop in occasionally, but don't live close enough that it's feasible to be on hand frequently for help and guidance.)<br> <br> Anyway, I'd like to hear about any solutions that have worked well for people who have wrestled with helping to provide a replacement for WebTV for totally non-computer savvy older folks. Even if it doesn't address the specifics of my sort of weird situation, it might help my overall picture.,2013:site.253193 Thu, 05 Dec 2013 12:24:16 -0800 taz