Dear Abby.

Lover's Promise Is Worthless Now

January 02, 2000|By Abigail Van Buren.

Dear Abby: Please help. I fell in love with a married man. He claimed he loved me. My husband caught us. He hates me now and has filed for divorce. My lover called it quits and ran back to his wife.

Can I sue my lover for breach of promise because he PROMISED to get a divorce and marry me?

Destroyed In The U.S.A.

Dear Destroyed: I recommend against initiating such a lawsuit. Instead, count your blessings that you haven't been sued for alienation of affection.

Dear Abby: I read your column often and have recently been especially interested in your letters concerning manners. I am a 22-year-old, old-fashioned man in Dallas. I enjoy opening doors, pulling out chairs, offering a hand in and out of cars, and all the other small but significant signs of respect.

My problem is, it's difficult to find women my age who are receptive to what I consider common courtesy. I can't tell you how many times I've been snapped at with, "I can open my own doors!" or, "I can get out of the car by myself!" My all-time favorite occurred recently in a nice restaurant as I stood up when my dinner partner would leave the table. With a bewildered and condescending look, she said, "Do you have to stand up EVERY time I do?"

It seems as though, in my generation at least, being considerate and showing respect for a woman is considered a sign of disrespect. I have read with interest how many of your readers appreciate well-mannered men; unfortunately, and I mean no disrespect to your readers, I haven't seen a single letter from someone close to my age.

I have no intention of changing my ways. My standards are set and anything less would be embarrassing for me. Are there any young women who appreciate "old-fashioned" manners?

Disillusioned In Dallas

Dear Disillusioned: Any young woman who believes that someone who displays consideration and respect is disrespectful needs her priorities reorganized. Good manners are an instant tip-off that a young man is disciplined, thoughtful and well brought up in other areas of his life. Lack of good manners usually indicates a lack of education in that area, or complete self-centeredness.

Not all young women believe as the ones you have encountered do. Read on:

Dear Abby: As a feminist graduate engineer, I'd like to give a logical reason why women should appreciate having doors opened for them.

The amount of energy it takes to open a door is a smaller percentage of a man's available energy than it is of a woman's. Multiply this difference by the number of doors opened during the day, and the average woman will see that it's better to accept the courtesy and smile -- which also uses less energy than does a frown!

Faith Lee, Henderson, Nev.

Dear Faith: I hope your argument will prove persuasive. It's a basic law of physics.