Am I Handling this Right?


View Full Version : Am I Handling this Right?

02-14-2011, 12:53 PM
This is going to be a bit lengthy.

I'm in a 4 piece band. We decided to add the bassist we had fill in for us at a previous show so we could have 2 guitarists. I'm lead vox and guitar, the other guy (Sam) is guitar/backup vox/keys. We're the principal songwriters and the founding members of the band.

The problem is that Sam's very defensive of his music. If he has an idea, he comes in with specific ideas and gets pissed if someone has an idea to add to it. In addition to that, he hardly ever likes any ideas that anyone else comes in with. As a result, we have 2 original songs (both written by me) to show for our 6 months of playing together. We've been working on songwriting for the better part of 3 months now with nothing to show for it.

Yesterday we decided that our practice would just be a jam session. However, after only a few songs, he put down his guitar because he was pissed off and went off in a corner of the room to play his Gameboy (no joke. He was playing Pokemon Silver.) At the end of practice, he had the audacity to suggest that we just write a bunch of really crappy songs and bring them to the next practice so we had material because "every band sucks when they first start out."

In other words, he doesn't fit very well with the group. The drummer (Jon) and I are really the driving force behind the band, and our bass player (Ryan) is very low key and just goes with whatever is happening. Jon and I decided that I need to talk to Sam and tell him that, basically, if he doesn't get over himself, then he's out of the band.

The problem is twofold. Sam is a good friend of mine, and on top of that, he has a ton of connections with the local music scene in terms of venues and such; connections the rest of us do not have.

Are we handling this right? It honestly seems like the only option is get him to not be an over-controlling douche or kick him out.

Thanks guys.

02-14-2011, 01:11 PM
yes. if everyone is uncomfortable with the situation, its time to find someone new. Just don't be a jerk about it.

02-14-2011, 01:16 PM
If Sam really is a good friend, he'll listen to you. If not then you're really not risking anything.

Talk to him, it's a win-win.

02-14-2011, 02:17 PM
Professionals can handle criticism, if he can't then you should probably find someone new.

02-14-2011, 03:13 PM
Alright, thanks guys. I guess worst-case scenario, Sam leaves and the rest of us continue on under a new name with a new attitude.

02-15-2011, 02:26 AM
I would tell him that he isn't fitting in with the rest of the band musically. and that everyone feels the whole operation would go smoother without him.

also: at least he as playing a good game.

02-15-2011, 05:59 AM
To be fair, it sounds to me like he just isn't a natural jammer and likes people to write individual songs as well as working together on songs so that the band as a whole has plenty of variation.

Looking at it from his point of view, after 6 months you have 2 original songs, both written by you, yet you have said that he comes in with specific ideas, so how come none of his ideas have been used?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he isn't acting like a brat, but there may be a need for you to meet him halfway.

02-15-2011, 05:12 PM
Kick. He sounds very childish.