Sunday, November 04, 2007

A Little Sad. - Outed at My Former Place of Employment

I just found out that where I use to work that they found out about my transition and I am a little sad about what I heard. I was told that I am the hot topic there right mow. I was wondering why I was getting so many hits (They really like my TV News interview from my trip to Washington DC) from that area of the state, well now I know.
About six or eight weeks ago I saw in the keywords used in search engines that my full name was listed, I was a little concerned but then earlier I had told a friend that you can find my blog by searching using my name. I thought it was her (I have since found out it wasn’t) so I dismissed any concerns about it. Well yesterday I got an email telling me that someone (They didn’t tell me who.) at work found my blog and passed the link around.

I am not mad only a little sad that after almost thirty years working with them that the person who did the search of my name and passed the information along to everyone. I do not know why they felt they had to tell everyone; was it out of a feeling of superiority or was it the feeling of knowing something that nobody else knew or was it out of spite; I do not know or care to know who did find the connection. I am just disappointed that for whatever reason that they felt they had to tell everyone. I just want to know what I ever did to you that you felt that you had to “Out” me like this.

But maybe something good will come out of this, maybe some manager will read this and review their diversity statement. The company diversity policy does not cover gender identity or expression; this might be a good time for a revision. Since I was only months away from transitioning at work what would the company have done? Would I have been fired? Would they have accepted me with open arms? I was not the first, an engineer from the company left there about fifteen years ago to transition and I will probability not be the last one either.

I want each of you from work who read this to look at the PC you have on your desk and the PLC’s that you are working with and to remember the book that most of you read in college
"Introduction to VLSI Systems" or, as it became known to a generation of engineering students, "Mead-Conway."
The ground work for the modern microprocessor was laid down by a transsexual, Dr. Lynn Conway.

Oh well, I have a life to live. Se la vivre.

P.S. If any one at work wants to contact me, my email address is (Replace the X with @)


Staci said...

Sorry, you deserve better.

Anonymous said...

Sad when people have nothing going on their lives that they need to deflect - and use someone else's life and events to trump up to make them look more interesting. This is when you learn who friends are and aren't. I'm sorry you had to go through this. If they were truly interested, they would have called or emailed you rather than becoming a self-elected news correspondent!

And you're right - perhaps something good will come of this either for the company as a whole or with respect to people's compassion and respect for other's privacy.

I'm thinking of you!

Jude said...

You were somewhat fortunate to be able to time your transition with retirement; people who transition in the workplace have to deal with coming out to professional peers and coworkers as a part of the process.

On the other hand, when one is spreading the news oneself (in the workplace) one gets to control the message - what gets communicated, how much is disclosed, etc. - instead of letting the grapevine and rumor mill manage things.

It will pass. I am sure my transition was BIG NEWS in my workplace and industry for a time. It's way too juicy a piece of gossip to not expect it to spread like wildfire. But it will die down, and I suspect that some of your former coworkers might reach out to you eventually. I heard from all sorts of professional peers, former coworkers, and clients in complimentary and positive ways in the weeks following my own coming out.

And now you don't have to worry about getting outed at work. As uncomfortable as it may be in the short term, its also freeing in the long run.

Diana_CT said...

You are right Jude it will pass, but it is that I am disappointed that someone I may have called friend passed this around.

Fleur de Lisa said...

It is horribly disappointing and truly sad to learn that someone that was considered a friend would betray you in this way. To me it shows a lack of maturity. If this person found out he/she should have come to you directly to discuss it with you. His/her behavior is reminiscent of 2nd grade playground antics and an obvious play for attention. How sad.

I agree with Staci, You do deserve much better.

Dana said...

hi.i,m sorry you had to wait until you retired.on the other hand you survived. and didn,t have to struggle with being fired and being out.after thirteen years with a company i was let go after being seen out pumping gas in my car and had come out to management eight months earlyer.there is just no easy way to live with being trans.please try not to let what other people say effect how you feel inside and let who you are shine