Thomas Kinkade's Wife Files Restraining Order Against Thomas Kinkade's Girlfriend

Yay! More tasty dark corners in the saga of mysteriously deceased fake-art huckster Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light (also Groper of Light, Public Urinator of Light, Drunk Driver of Light, and Siegfried & Roy Magic Tiger Show Disruptor of Light). At the time when he became suddenly and mysteriously dead (of Light), Kinkade, 54, was separated from his wife and living with another woman. Weirdly, those two ladies are not getting along.

In the world's most bucolic and candlelit cat-fight, Nanette Kinkade (trustee and executor of the Kinkade Family Trust and estate) has filed a Restraining Order of Light against Amy Pinto-Walsh, Kinkade's live-in girlfriend. The order would prevent Pinto-Walsh from disclosing any information about Kinkade or his business or "engaging in conduct that would reflect negatively on Kinkade." And here's why:

Pinto-Walsh "announced to a friend of the Kinkade family" that she intended to breach the agreement by publicizing confidential information about the Kinkade family and its businesses, including private photographs.

"The release of these items would be personally devastating not only for Mrs. Kinkade, but also for the family's four daughters, who are grieving the sudden loss of their father," the attorneys wrote.

Now, in case you've missed Kinkade's greatest hits over the years, here's a nice summation:

The Los Angeles Times has reported that some of Kinkade's former colleagues, employees, and even collectors of his work say that he has a long history of cursing and heckling other artists and performers. The Times further reported that he openly groped a woman's breasts at a South Bend, Indiana sales event, and mentioned his proclivity for ritual territory marking through urination, once relieving himself on a Winnie the Pooh figure at the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim while saying "This one's for you, Walt."...In 2006, John Dandois, Media Arts Group executive, recounted a story that on one occasion ("about six years ago") Kinkade became drunk at a Siegfried & Roy magic show in Las Vegas and began shouting "Codpiece! Codpiece!" at the performers. Eventually he was calmed by his mother.

So, um, exactly what kind of legacy-tarnishing "conduct" could Pinto-Walsh engage in that would be worse than the behavior of the actual Thomas Kinkade? Because if groping, drunk driving, adultery, ritual urination, tiger heckling, and being fucking terrible at painting aren't enough to stop Kinkade fans from buying his pictures of glowing country-time churches and orphans playing baseball with Jesus or whatever, then I don't know what is. Um...neglecting routine covered bridge maintenance? Bogarting all the marshmallows? Not wanting to go ice skating? Slandering your neighbor's thatched roof? Being a gay guy? (Ding ding ding—that's the one, I'll bet you.)

And anyway, I'm really more interested in the information-disclosure part of the restraining order. What does she know??? PLEASE TELL ME IT INVOLVES CODPIECES.

While the results of Kinkade's autopsy haven't yet been released, his brother revealed last week that Kinkade had relapsed into alcoholism and had been "drinking all night" on the night of his death.

"He was awfully human," Kinkade's brother said. Yes. Emphasis on the awful.