

1. Justin Bieber

What an ass! (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Sub-zero temperatures

Only come a handful of times a year, so quit your whining. (5)

3. Ray Lewis

Wes Welker's wife just heard about the whole murder case thing, and she is not impressed. (unranked)

4. Inauguration 2013

Hours and hours of mesmerizing pageantry and history. Or not. (1)

5. Phil Mickelson

Getting ready to bolt California, like most sane folks. (unranked)

6. Sacramento

Forever done with the fiction that it's a major league city. (unranked)

7. Prince Harry

Probably shouldn't be bragging about all the Taliban he's killing. (unranked)

8. Bill Belichick

Still shows all the class and sportsmanship of a spoiled 4-year-old. (2)

9. Tom Brady

Doesn't look so Super when he's kicking opponents in the crotch. (unranked)

10. Manti Te'o

Hand-picks Katie Couric for interview, fearing Oprah would tear him apart. (4)

Others receiving votes

George Stephanopoulos, Leonardo DiCaprio, Neanderthals, David Akers, Antonin Scalia's hat, Anderson Varejao, Zenon Konopka, Lupe Fiasco, Michelle Obama's bangs, Maple Grove hockey team, Curt Schilling, Ryan Leaf, Nadya Suleman, Barbara Walters, Algeria, Taylor Swift, Subway foot-longs, "Movie 43", Algeria, "Django Unchained" action figures, Bode Miller, Atlanta Falcons, Lance Armstrong, full-body airport scanners, Arnold Schwarzenegger, NHL fans, Cheesecake Factory.

Follow Kevin Cusick on twitter.com/theloopnow.