Culture Vulture

Originals sinned

Going his own way... Gareth Gates (right) took the Beatles' Long and Winding Road, and stumbled. Photographs: PA

Do you feel a proprietary affection toward certain songs, to the point where you take a dim view of anyone attempting to cover them? Take Girls Aloud, who will be covering the Kaiser Chiefs' I Predict a Riot on their new tour. Will it be a case of the right song falling into the wrong hands (see also Gareth Gates's mewling version of Elvis's sublime Suspicious Minds, which reached number one during that fleeting period of Gatesmania)? Or will it be the other way around - a previously upstanding act covering a tune you might deem beneath them (as in Travis's crack at Britney Spears's Baby, One More Time)?

The original version of some songs, such as the aforesaid jewel in Elvis's crown, is so definitive that any other interpretation is sacrilege. Others are improved by remodelling - Travis's slowed-down take on One More Time, which was part of their live show a few years ago, brought out the melancholy at its heart.

The pairing of Kaisers and Girls, too, sounds potentially fruitful. If any teenybopper band is equal to I Predict a Riot, it's Girls Aloud, who radiate raucousness when simply standing still. The Aloud, you sense, are doing the track because they like it.

What should be criminalised is the act of covering a song because an artist wants to appear groovier or more knowledgeable than they are. Technically, the hit comeback album by 1960s crooner Paul Anka, Rock Swings, falls into that category, but because its premise is so nutty - Smells Like Teen Spirit, et al, redone as Vegas swingers - it pretty much works.

But it's the bald attempts to change the public's perception of a naff act that rankle. Think Steps' version of the Bee Gees' marvellous Tragedy, Gareth Gates's stumble through the Beatles' Long and Winding Road, and even, possibly, the Sugababes' live attempt at I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor. The 'babes are generally as good as pop gets, but their have-a-go take on the Arctic Monkeys just doesn't seem a good fit.

And so, Vultures, what would your own dream/nightmare cover scenario be? For some reason, I keep trying to imagine what it would sound like if Geri Halliwell tried to sing Patti Smith's Frederick - that would surely be the nadir of covers. Can you think of anything worse?