People of Ohio Choose Mitt Romney and Joe the Plumber

By Justin Bishop.

Super Tuesday’s Ohio primary turned out to be much more interesting that most things that involve Mitt Romney, or Ohio, for that matter: litigious sandwich-consumer Dennis Kucinich lost his primary battle in the state’s recently re-drawn 9th Congressional District. Kucinich’s conqueror, Representative Marcy Kaptur, will face Joe the Plumber, a human Internet meme named Samuel Wurzelbacher, in the general election.

On to Mitt Romney: the former Massachusetts governor defeated Rick Santorum by one percentage point in Ohio. To quote Romney: “We didn’t win by a lot, but we won by enough, and that’s what counts.” Elsewhere, Romney did not win by enough: Santorum took Tennessee, Oklahoma, and North Dakota, and Newt Gingrich won his home state of Georgia.

According to The New York Times, yesterday’s outcomes are likely to prolong the nomination process, as Romney’s scattered losses “dashed any hopes he had of using the day to assert himself as the inevitable nominee.” Does Romney have hopes? Can Romney hope? What is this strange swelling feeling of anticipation and positivity?, Romney wonders, and suspects it’s just some sort of malfunction.