By Thunder, like Toto, two Jayhawks learn they're not in Kansas anymore

Bud Poliquin | By Bud Poliquin | The Post-Standard
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on September 04, 2008 at 3:35 PM, updated September 04, 2008 at 3:40 PM

Syracuse, N.Y. -- I'm sorry this is so tardy today, but I've been bumping around on other matters and now have a few minutes . . . and, unfortunately, only a few minutes.

Happily, the NBA has provided a bit of manna:

No. 1: The Oklahoma City Thunder? Omigod, that's one bad nickname right up there with the Utah Jazz and the Orlando Magic and the Miami Heat.

What's a Thunder? What does a sound look like, exactly? What will the mascot wear?

At least with the Jazz, you can imagine trombones and saxes and musical notes. And with the Magic, you can conjure up wands and maybe even overturned top hats with bunny heads peeking out of them. And with the Heat, you can go with flames and sun rays, or even little beads of sweat stretched over a lip.

But a Thunder, which is a sound? Please.

When I become king of all sports, one of my early edicts will be that each and every nickname will henceforth end with an "s." There will be no more Thunder and Jazz and Magic and Heat. And right here in this town, there will be no more Crunch. And the grateful shall toss flower petals at my feet as I pass.

No. 2: How stupid are Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur, anyway?

The former Jayhawks were in attendance at the NBA's rookie indoctrination seminar in downstate Rye Brook where they were to be schooled -- along with the league's other first-season athletes -- in a whole bunch of areas, two of which were illegal drug use and sexual misadventures.

And what happens? They get caught in their hotel rooms of the Doral Arrowwood on Wednesday with (a) marijuana and (b) women . . . and are forthwith fined $20,000 apiece, banished from the lodging house and ordered to attend next year's session. Additionally, the foolish national champions could begin their rookie seasons on the NBA's suspended list.

Um, Mario and Darrell? Your brains are on the phone. They want to know why you left them back in Kansas.

-- Bud Poliquin
