IF fight w/ family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
IF fight w/ family...
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 7:50pm

So tonight there was a huge argument between me and my parents. In short: (a) I am being dramatic; (b) I am being too stubborn and not patient, and (c) my mother has PCOS and she had 3 kids, so I can't be as bad as I claim.

Anyway. I  went over to my parents' house for dinner tonight, as DH is working both jobs and won't be home till midnight. Dinner went fine, and my mom actually asked about our SA visit tomorrow. But then I made the mistake of telling my parents that later in the month, DH and I are going on an "inspirational walk & talk" at the local nature center. The walk & talk is being given by the director of our IF center and one of the counselors. I think it'll be a good thing for DH and I to go to, even if it does end up being over-the-top New Age...at least we'll have a laugh together! Well, my parents thought this was the dumbest thing ever. "What is that going to do? Explain the birds and the bees again? hahaha!" Then my mom is like, "Who's idea was this? Yours? Why are you dragging Marcus into this?" (Nevermind that DH thinks it's a good idea too).

Now you'd think I'd learn to shut up, right? No. I get all defensive and said that I was also going to try acupuncture. Well this just set the both of them off poking fun. What is that supposed to do, how is that helping, etc etc etc. Then my dad passes a comment like, "Just wait for things to work". Things meaning my ovaries. Gee, sure, ok.

Then my mom tells me that my uncle had passed a comment to her, asking her if I was pregnant yet. She told him no and I guess this was funny: he says to her, "Well maybe God is giving her a hint, haha hoho!" I know he was joking, but COME ON!

So I got all mad and told my mom she has no idea because she had three full-term pregnancies. To that she responds that she also had 3 m/c. So I said, "you got pregnant with me SECOND MONTH TRYING. You didn't get stuck with the non-functioning reproductive system right off the bat." THen it turns into that I am bitter, I'm nasty, and I'm being over dramatic. That if I just stop all this nonsense and be patient...so basically, stop going to doctors, stop temping, stop charting, stop POASing.

I never once lost my temper, but finally I got pissed and said, "so basically, I should just buck it up and wait for my body to decide to ovulate". Then my dad chimes in: you don't know you're not ovulating, blahblahblah. I guess my body just really gets a kick out of 40+ cycles. Then my mother chimes in: "You haven't been trying that long. You're making it into a big production". Isn't it better that I find out my body isn't working NOW, instead of going through heartache for months and months without knowing WHY!?!

So I just grabbed my stuff and came back to my own house. I guess I can never have children b/c I am a bitter, nasty drama queen. I'm trying to do things that are positive for me: acupuncture, alternative therapy, and instead I get laughed at and I'm "dragging DH along". I should have just kept my mouth shut.


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Edited 9/2/2008 7:54 pm ET by kristylee105
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 9:11pm

(((HUGS))) Kristy Lee.

Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 10:00pm

Kristy Lee,




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 10:44pm

Oh my goodness Kristy, I am so sorry you had to put up with this - from your own parents, no less!!!

Mom to Silas Walker, born July 2009, thanks to IVF. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 9:20am

Well that just sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:36pm


I am so sorry. I can't imagine what I would do without the support of my mother. What an awful story. Made my stomach hurt just reading it. I can't imagine what it must've been like to experience.

I never really know what to say when something is "uncomfortable"-- so.... I offer lots of (((HUGS))) and want you to know I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

On a lighter note, at least you know for a FACT that they will be butting in on how to raise your baby WHEN it happens for you. :D

Maybe they could do with the reminder that you are trying to give them a grandchild? Is it not something they want in their lives?

I am sorry. Keep us posted.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:10pm

hi kristy lee,

i'm so sorry you're not feeling supported with your family. i was so open with both our families in the beginning, and they tried to be supportive but really didn't understand. after the first ivf cycle failed, i started keeping it to myself, and now we are keeping it out of most conversations with them. it's so hard that important people in our lives don't understand and don't know how to be supportive, let alone make inappropriate, hurtful comments! my SIL, "trying" to be supportive, has said and done many completely imappropriate and hurtful things. you are NOT having these issues because you don't deserve to be pg! my best advice is to keep talk about IF on a need-to-know basis, and share with those who really understand.


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), next u/s CD15 (9/4).


mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 6:57pm

We've decided to keep quiet about TTC from now on. Frankly, I don't need other people's judgements: "OH you're too young! Take your time! You don't need doctors and medication to conceive a child! Just pray! BLAHBLAHBLAH".

When I go for my HSG (whenever AF decides to SHOW UP!!) we are going to take a month off from actively TTC. It's only been two months of active trying, but I need a break! We also wanted to give it a break between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's the end of the fall semester, and end of semesters are always crazy and stressful. Not to mention holidays can be a pain!!

If I get AF and there's no sign of O, then my doc and I are going to discuss Clomid and such. If I DO end up Oing this cycle, then I'll contemplate giving it one more month unmedicated to see what happens. DH had his SA today, so we can call in the AM and see how the results are.

...and I cannot shake this headache! ug!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 9:11pm

Hi Kristy,

I've been through this too with my mother who is supportive most of the time but has been known to call me a drama queen about IF on several occasions. My mother also have trouble conceiving with both my brother and me. But then she got pregnant totally

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 11:26am

Oh MY Lanta!

Kristy I'm so sorry that you have to go through this (((HUGS))) This is such a difficult time in our lives and all we want is for our family to back us!!! I'm sorry but your uncle's joke was not in the least bit funny. I don't think they truly grasp how serious and traumatic this process is. I think the hush hush TTC subject is a wise choice. I did something similar. For me, a letter to my father was out of the question, he just doesn't get it. So I gave him some resources on how to support a family member with IF. And he was in complete denial that he did anything wrong, and that the article doesn't know ME. I told him look, that article hit the nail on the head and