Leaders Vow to Throw Money at Swine Flu MenaceS

Citizens: do not be alarmed that hundreds of your children are now being mangled by Killer Swine Flu Virus. The government will not stop until it has wasted billions on fighting this mild illness!

This panic is following the script of the 1976 debacle to a tee! Today, Obama asked for the money:

President Barack Obama asked Congress for $1.5 billion to fight the fast-spreading disease.

Federal officials suggested the flu may be spreading so fast, there may be no practical way to contain it, and no need to tighten borders further.

So far, there have been no deaths from the fast-spreading virus in the United States.

If you think that the second two sentences make the first pointless, shut up! In 1976 the government only wasted $135 million (a little more than $500 mil in today's dollars). We're already winning! To help ensure that Congresspersons vote to authorize a blank check, Obama has a powerful ally: hysterical NYC parents.

"Many hundreds" of schoolchildren are sick with suspected cases of swine flu, said New York City Health Commissioner Thomas Frieden.

We can only imagine what the Park Slope Parents messageboard looks like right now. Mayor Bloomberg just gave a news conference and pointed out that 2,000 New Yorkers die of the flu or pneumonia in an average year and it sure doesn't attract as many reporters as this, but who cares. He wasn't even wearing a mask! He may already be infected.

Panic faster! [Pic via]