Back in the late 90s, Assassin was the most popular feature on Newgrounds. As a result, I got a lot of hatemail. Here are some samples. My responses follow in italics. Keep in mind, I was in my late teens when I wrote this.

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From: Anonymous
Subject: None

I came across your page and was alittle disturbed. You are your own person and you have the right to do what ever you want to. You will have to own up to every action that you choose to say do or think. I was wondering do you believe in God? If you did you would know that things like this are hurtful to people and are done in poor taste. I wonder if your parents know you have page like this. I also wanted to tell you that your site is being reported to my sergeant at the police department. We try to keep people off the net, with sites like this.

What are these religious zealots smoking?! First I have a right to do what I want to… Then they are trying to keep me off the net. I don't think this guy has been getting clear answers from God. Maybe he should try forming his own opinions, instead.

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From: *Steven*
Subject: None


OK, first of all I would like to say that I like your page and it is fun. And I was reading what people were saying about your page and the Columbine incident. I dont think you should pull off your page because you did put a lot of time into it and it is fun. But what bothers me is you just pick the people that you dont like and put them on your list. People like Hanson. You said they werent talented? Well they couldnt play instruments as well as they do, produce their own record, write four #1 songs and not have talent. Why dont you put other bands that you like on there? And I am a guy, and I just like Hanson's music because it is just great and fun. And I will say, you are ugly. You call Ike ugly well I saw that pick of you with your "cool" bull cut and you are very ugly and skinny. Hanson has a lot more girls than you'll ever have and more money and talent. I am not suggesting you take Hanson off the list, but you should add people that you like too because alot of people like Hanson. You should add KoRn cuz they suck. And Ricky Martin. I just wanted to tell you that your page is cool, that you are ugly, and that Hanson is very talented.

It is unfair to make fun of only people I don't like? Hey, when you make your own webpage, you can waste your time doing stuff you don't want to do. I'm gonna keep picking on people I don't like.

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From: Anonymous Teacher
Subject: None

Someone sent me your site on a URL and I am so appalled. I am a teacher who thoroughly believes that sites such as your own as well as other factors contribute to tragedies such as Columbine. I can not imagine why you would even care to have a site like the one you have created. I do not blame you for the Columbine incident imparticular, but your site may have contributed to an act of violence or acts somewhere. You say that your site has been on the net years before such tragedies--this may mean that you were their first influence. Who knows! I just know that our society (including ourselves) needs to crack down on the violence and take responsibility for our role in society. It is not all fun and games anymore!

It's always fun and games. Where do people get off thinking society is going down the tubes? Maybe we should bring back religious persecution and public executions to fix this!

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From: Anonymous Child
Subject: None

Your web site is excrusheateingly horrid. I cannot believe someone your age should empress people by killing people/toys who have worked really hard to making their lives the best they can be. You are a sad little man! I don't believe it! I am a 9 and a half year old child who was having a fun time on the internet. My friend told me about this horrible web site, not knowing what it was. Just because you say noone under the age of 18 is aloud to look at this peice of junk, doesn't mean it will stop people. I hope you have thought this letter over. And I sure hope the police are allowing you to do this.

Yours hatingly,
Someone you do not know

Some of these are just too cute for words. And they say little kids can't interpret what they are seeing.

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From: Christian Garrett Jones (, aka "ginger" at times
Subject: Waste of Time

Dave, (NOTE: This dumbass got my name wrong!)

I think that it is great that you exercise your right of free speech in such a bias and close-minded manner. I am about your age, from what I understand: 18, right? I am a male, and a college student. It really makes me nauseous to see such an utterly disgusting and distasteful web page. In short, your web page sucks. Not only does it promote a significant amount of violence, but violence that is directed at such insignificant things. I question myself for taking the time and effort to read some of the waste you have obviously racked your brain to produce. Killing Furby? Why are you, at the age of 18 playing with dolls? If it is someone close to you playing with Furby, why do you care? In carefully reviewing your web page in hopes of finding something with the slightest hint of intelligence and/or worthiness, I find that these things (intelligence and worthiness) are not in your vocabulary, and if so, probably only to serve for how much I am sure you would like to have them. You are obviously some kind of wanna-be or criminally insane simpleton with nothing more to do with your time than waste it on your pathetic excuse of a web page.

What manner of person are you, who would think of microving a doll or harming some of the things and people you suggest? My little sister just got a Furby while I was home for Thanksgiving, and though at times it may be annoying, I would never, ever think of microwaving it. Please, for the sake of all who would continue to read your site out of disgust (like me) or even the very few who actually enjoy it (like Hitler) include some sort of warning for who ever is about to log on to your site. This warning should include some sort of message implying that what they are about to read is a bunch of …., well you get the point. On the more serious side, I know that children are browsing the web now at the age of nine or so, therefore I believe it would be pertinent for you to include another message stating that it is for losers and/or entertainment only. I question your vanity, cause after seeing your picture, I am sure that it is fat teenager girls, or maybe those that were beaten or somehting by their parents that send you mail on "how good you look." Please, spare the majority of the population that think with their brains.

Thank you, Dave, for your time in reading this. I hope it has not been as wasteful as my time was spent reading that garbage that you would dare to publish, much less even think of in that sadistic mind of yours. You may email me not at this address, but at That is my college address, and I will be there the majority of the time. Please, do the world a favor, and get some sort of life.

With No Respect,
Chris Jones

And then he sent this correction…


In my disgust and haste to reply to your garbage, I completely forgot that your name was Tom, so I made up Dave. Not like it was significant enough to remember anyway.


In true asshole fashion, I sent him the following response:

Jeff, (NOTE: Whoops! Wrong name! What a zinger!)

You should go see a doctor and get that bug removed from your ass. Your e-mail is so unimportant, your opinion is so unimportant, and you are so unimportant. Just think, writing that e-mail was 20 minutes of your life that you will not get back. Was it worth it?

Although I wish I could take credit for all this, thousands of people (who think with their brains) recommend (via e-mail) gross and disgusting things such as blowing up Furby in a microwave. This is the way people are. Your attempt to be above everyone else has failed and you have made yourself look like an idiot.

I have always felt bad for people who hate themselves, but in your case it is not true. You are pathetic, you are a very lonely person, and you will be alone for the rest of your life. Good day to you.


But the saga continues. This prick wrote me again!

Funny, you idiot. You couldn't even get my name right. Babble?? I have shown your sight and email to my dorm hall residents, and they agree with me. I have had a girlfriend for 2 years, am a dean's list student, and am very happy with myself and my life. The only pathetic one here is the one who produced that garbage at your website. I don't care if it's other peoples' ideas (nice way to try to squirm out of it), but you are the person who chose to publish it on this net. I am not above everyone else, simply above you. Good day to you sir. Oh, one other thing. Don't email me again. If I charge you with harassment through email, then that's a federal offense for you are harassing me over state lines. Again thank you for your time. Again, another waste of mine, just like you said.

Unable to compose his thoughts into a single e-mail, he continued:

Oh, and by the way, I sent a copy of your email (and your website) and my response to your school administrators. I don't expect to hear from you again. Please do not email me again. Thank you for your time.

He has the nerve to accuse me of harassment, but the dumbass is the one who confronted me, including his e-mail address and saying, "You may email me…". What kind of moron is this? Or maybe he knew what he was doing! That's entrapment!

Notice how he continually tries to build himself up as having a life? I have never seen anyone try so hard to convince himself he is cool… Not even myself! I could really care less about his girlfriend and deans list… Hey, I got a girlfriend and I'm on dean's list too, except my girlfriend is hot and I go to a good school!

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From: Dave McFarland (
Subject: your stupid game

you little dick your games suck the only thing you do is click and you see a bunch of crap,you should make it a little harder and more fun.

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From: Dave McFarland (
Subject: An apology


An apology to you is in top order.

I received your reply to an e-mail message that was sent to you not by me, but by my step-son. You may not remember, but he claimed your game was not difficult and he used very crude language in doing so.

As a result, he has lost his internet privileges for one month, along with other discipline.

Please accept my apology for the very crude remark he e-mail to you. Unfortunately for him, he will learn the hard way how to conduct himself behind the computer.

Dave McFarland

Apology accepted... But I have been scarred for life!

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From: Tearrrah (
Subject: ......

TOM (Thats your name right?).....

Well I'm sorry to hear that you're wasting so much you THINK you have. Certainly I can give you credit for having a brain and actually having some thought (and let me emphasize they are just thoughts!!)....BUT're a waste. No offence other then what you choose to spend your time making a page about clubbing seals is quite sad to us level-headed people. Now I do realize as I make a statement like that... its kind of pointless because to refer to you as NOT being level headed..IS A GIVEN!!!

I do also realize that you state how you feel and you design a page like this one just for attention and feedback. YOU couldn't use your gifts (and I'm referring to your typing ability and ability to make a sentence....ONLY!!!! ...UNDERSTAND....I haven't been able to find verification that you have any intelligence what so ever...ESPECIALLY Positive intelligence!!!) I would like to take this opportunity to tell you what it is like to HAVE see....YOU DON'T HAVE WISDOM .....KID!!! (YOU'RE only 18....I can't believe you think like this!!!). Incase you DON'T know what WISE means (Its APPARENT YOU DON'T!!!)....I think I'll tell you.... WISE: Is ONE POSSESSING GREAT KNOWLEDGE and intelligence (you're lacking both!!!) also....Having the ability to make a RIGHT decision or judgment (of a decision, judgment, or ACTION) resulting from the use of this ability. YOU don't HAVE any of this ability!!! WHAT YOU ARE IS A WISEACRE (a man who FOOLISHLY PRETENDS to have great knowledge).

My suggestion to you is to spend less time PLAYING on the computer and making silly pages like this and use what (little) you actually benefit YOU and MAYBE someone or SOMETHING else!!! You're wasting so much time trying to get people upset, bothered, or maybe even agreeing with you that so much of your time is countless!! That is of NO concern to you though...right??? IF so....your ignorant to think you're going to actually BE SOMETHING!! (keep in mind that you certainly can be whatever you want...but can be as BAD as you like...but YOU WON'T win the race!!!!)

You claim to plan to be smart, intelligent, AND wise.....and you're supposed to go to college, and become.....WHAT...(I have to ask)???? HOW come you are here WASTING important time??? If you TRUELY want to be smart...CHANGE your way of thinking. SMART...IS being positive...and whatever you choose. As you appear to be.....your NOT smart...and thats really OK ...though......JUST stay the hell away from.....CHILDREN AND ANIMALS!!! Other then whatever you like!!!

I'm sorry I can't go on.....I truely regret because my thoughts of you are unfortunetly ENDLESS... you're like a BAD DREAM!!! I can go on a long time trying to HELP you understand..BUT I KNOW its useless!! SO GOODBYE!!

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Subject: your home page

Hello you bastard!!

only one thing to say:

Let's start with you.... I wonder how you would feel....

Get a "LIFE"

The only good thing about your page: The beautiful photos.
( unfortunately spoiled by your stupid comments)


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From: "angela ramin" (
Subject: you make me SICK

hey tom, i think it is great that you are so creative..but you are sick. i have never seen anything so damn repulsive in all of my life.. seems to me you are a man craving a little attention..well, you are getting it..why not do something good instead of trying intentionally to piss people off...what a waste you think someone as creative, can not come up with a better is rather sad...

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From: Guest (
Subject: no subject

I'm sure you have your place in hell allready for you!!

Yeah — The throne!

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From: Donielle (
Subject: hanson hater!!!!!!




I WOULD LOVE TO KILL ALL OF THEM!! PLEASE WRITE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Someone was apparently a bit jealous about the letter above, so he sent me the next message…

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From: Snot Bogger (
Subject: YOU SUCK!

Hay Bitch,

You are one of the fuck'n geekest nerds on the face of this fucking earth. Fuck You! Your fucking shockwave shit is all crap. Oooo... shockwave.

Listen to your name "TOM" what a stupid fucking name. It sounds like shit. Theres nothing more stupider than your stupid shitey last name : Fulp....Fulp....Fulp Sounds like something you say when YOU have shit in your mouth and try to talk. Ahh... you are one of the most fucking bastards in the would. Well "I HOPE YOU DIDN'T CHEESE DOWN YOUR LEG WHILE READING THIS!!!" as Donielle ( said in the last message. I would say that she sits beside you in the asshole chair made of shit. She could have picked anybody and she decided to pick you - what a looser. I saw that picture of you at the computer - you couldn't look any gayer than that. And I have never seen a computer older than yours what is that hunk of metal in the picture?

"DO YOU LIKE TO 69?" Donielle says your resoponse would be "A what? A 60 huh? I live infront of my computer all day. All I know is my 'shockwave'" Bitch, yes Donielle, says "AND YOU LOOK SEXY AND I WANT YOU REAL BAD" well what a desperate sluty hoe. She pickes the gayest guy she can find and flurts with him. I hope she is kidding about all that shit she says because thats just fucking sick!

Fuck. "Hi I'm the assassin" you say notice "ass" appears twice in that would - assassin. I wonder why you picked that name.

Well you better go back making your shockwave fucking things while I go have a 69 with my wonderful girlfriend. Your Responce "Whats a 69 - is that where she lives or something? Oh I get it ha ha ha. and whats a g-g-g-girlfriend. I've never had one of those before. Oh i get it thats her street name."

You Fucking Suck T-O-M F-U-L-P

-The guy 1000x better than you.


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From: Anonymous
Subject: you're gay

Tom or whatever, yeah, you got your rights and crap, but why did you make such a violent site like this? You'd think a "college student" would have better things to do than to make fun of a site that isn't even for college men. I know you are gonna come back with some smartass remark for this but I just wanted to let you know that you are probably the most immature person I've heard of. I saw the other emails that people sent you that they hated your site and I agree with most of them. You seem like you think you're such a smart ass and you can come back with every thing. I wonder what you do in your spare time (it seems as if you have a lot of it). You'd think a college student would be more mature and respectful than you are, but I guess you didn't mature since high school. Go ahead, make fun of this email. It's not like I know any of the people that read it and smirk at you remarks. You are gonna smart off to the wrong person someday and get your ass beat so bad. You already want people to feel sorry for you I can tell by just reading the remarks to peoples email. You think you are all bad ass and stuff. You don't know shit. I know people that are so much more mature and respectful and I'm only a freshman in high school. Why don't you find something constructive with your time? I can't even figure out how you came across the real hamsterdance site in the first place. "Oh, there's a site that everybody likes, so I think I'll be a smartass and make a gay site that makes a lot of people mad!!" (I'm acting like you, if you didn't figure that out. So anyways, I think I'll stop wasting my time, go on and make fun of this email. I don't really care. I just thought maybe I could get through to you like so many people have tried to do.

Bye you stupid horney poser that thinks you're cool but really you're not,

A mature girl who thinks very low of you.

Correction - a dull prude who knows she'll never have a fun guy like me!

If this girl is so mature, why does she say I'm "gay"? Is it a bad thing to be gay? Is she implying that by making this sick website, I fall under her vast umbrella of gayness? If this girl wants to see immature, she needs to look in the mirror. At least I'm not serious when I say this stuff!