When Dealing with Kids, Dishonesty Is Best Policy

Truth can come back to haunt you

January 15, 2014|Jim Shea

Editor's note: Jim is currently researching and writing about Connecticut's historic weather from 1764 to the present. Those weather stories are appearing during January, the first month of The Courant's yearlong celebration of its 250th anniversary as the country's oldest continuously published newspaper. During his absence we are treating you to some of his favorite past columns.

Kids are always interested in their parents' past.

This presents an interesting dilemma for Mom and Dad: How much do you lie?

There are two schools of thought on this, three if you count "Go ask your mother."

One school, the new school, believes you should never lie to your kids about anything. In most cases, these parents had really dull lives.

The other school, the old school, believes you should lie to your kids about any subject that has the potential to one day be tossed back in your face as follows: "But you did it when you were my age."

Personally, I'm a cross between the old school and "Go ask your mother."

Not only do I think it's OK to lie to your kids, I don't think you can begin lying to them early enough.

For example:

"Mom, where did I come from?"

"My stomach, honey."

"But how did I get into your stomach?"

Now, this is where it gets tricky. You can go with:

"The stork put you there, dear."

Or, you can go with the truth:

"As I recall, your father and I were drinking wine, and I believe there was a chandelier involved."

Lying often not only directly benefits the parent but the child as well.

Say little Johnny comes home from his Little League game after having struck out five times and asks: "Dad, did you ever strike out five times in one game when you were a kid?"

With option a.), you lie: "Sure, son, lots of times."

With option b.), you respond: "I gotta tell you, son, I stunk when I was a kid, but I was way better than you."

The real moments of truth arrive when your kids become teenagers and begin asking questions like: "Mom, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"

What do you say?

a.) "Why, right about when I was your age, dear."

b.) "Let me think, either 29 or 30."

Or your teenage son asks about trying marijuana.

a.) Absolutely not. Once I saw the movie "Reefer Madness," I was scared straight.

b.) You're kidding me. My nickname in college was Bong.

Dishonesty is always the best policy, and that's no lie.

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