What do you do when your girlfriend breaks up with you for smoking too much weed?

What do you do when your girlfriend breaks up with you for smoking too much weed? (Raul Arboleda, AFP/GettyImages / June 20, 2012)

Q: I recently separated from my husband of 16 years. He is a large man, including a large penis. I never thought size mattered, but I have been with two lovers since the separation, and I found myself noticing (and being disappointed by) the lesser size. How can I adapt?

A: Since you separated from your husband, his penis size wasn't sufficient to keep you two together, so you, like everyone, must look at the whole picture of potential partners. If penis size is a deal-breaker for you, then the pool of men you can choose from will be a lot smaller.

Now, if there are two men you like equally and one has a bigger penis, then I'd tell you to go out with him. But if you meet someone you really like and his penis doesn't match your husband's, you'll just have to make adjustments.

As long as he can give you sexual satisfaction in one form or another, then you should just accept him for what he does offer. That might mean you have an honest conversation about sex. If you've been accustomed to having orgasms during intercourse and this new man can't do that for you, then you have to tell him that you need extra clitoral stimulation. Using certain positions, like the female-superior or side-by-side, will allow a man to stimulate your clitoris with his hand during intercourse. See if you can learn to accept such a compromise.

Q: I've been dating this guy for one year, and we've made love but he's never touched my vagina, even during foreplay. Something has to be wrong. Please help me with this question.

A: Either he doesn't know how to make love and doesn't know that he needs to touch your clitoris to stimulate you, or he has an aversion to it. But I'd assume it was the first reason, and so you need to tell him. Have a talk about sex, and tell him what you need for sex to be pleasurable. Since you've been together for a year, I hope he loves you and will want to please you. But if he's never learned how to have sex and you don't guide him, he can't guess. If worst comes to worst, get him a book about sex.

Q: I met my now-ex-girlfriend in 2000 at college. We dated for nine years, and when she broke up with me I was devastated. I've been seeing a psychologist to help me get through it. It's been more than three years since the breakup, and I still cannot get over her. I've taken my psychologist's advice and cut off all contact with her, but I also didn't tell him the whole story.

She broke up with me because I spent all those years smoking pot and not going to class. I don't blame her for dumping me. The thing is, I'm now getting my life straightened out. I stopped smoking pot, and I'll be graduating. Since I can't get this girl out of my mind, do you think I should contact her?

A: Yes, you should, because if you really love her, and there is a chance she would come back to you now that you've got your act together, I say it's worth trying. But what was the point of seeing a psychologist if you weren't going to tell the entire story? We therapists can't help people if we're working in the dark. You must tell a therapist the truth, or else stop wasting your time and that of the therapist.

Q: I am in a five-month relationship with a wonderful man. I'm in my 40s, he's in his 50s and we have a great sex life. We are enjoying trying things intimately that are new to both of us. I started sending him pictures of my toes after a pedicure; the photos have become increasingly risque. It's something new and exciting for both of us. I trust him (have known him for many years), but I'm just wondering if sending many racy pictures now might adversely affect our sex life in the long run: Will there be the need to step up the adrenaline rush? I know men are visual, and I have no problem with pictures, but I don't want to have to keep escalating to keep the passion.

A: That's true of anything two people do. Should you use only one position during sex because if you added several others, it might risk escalating into the entire Kama Sutra? Of course not, and the same applies here. If you are comfortable sending the pictures, then fine.

Once you get to a point where you are not comfortable, then don't go any further. I don't know exactly what you mean by "risque," but do be careful that you don't send something that you might not want spread around if you ever break up. Some people can be nasty after a breakup.


Distributed by King Features Syndicate