Title: Love, Sex and Dating
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Puck/Santana
Rating: R
Words: ~11.100 (total)
Summary:The world of sex, love and dating according to Noah Puckerman and Santana Lopez during every episode of season 1.
Spoilers: season 1
Disclaimer: don't own Glee. I've used quotes from
A/N: in this universe Funk happened before Theatrically


He is such a dumb jock. Chicks don't have prostates. If only it wasn't Mrs. Hudson who explained this to him while he was standing before her with flowers in his hand. He is going to bully Finn out of Glee 'cause he's not going to defend his ass to the team all the time if the dumb little fuck doesn't own his shit. It would be kind of badass if Finn just joined Glee and didn't give a fuck about the shit that's sure to come his way, but he is already lying about even joining. Why the fuck is he the leader of all the sports teams again?

Now that he thinks about it, the way that Schuester was stuttering and quivering while he asked people to join his little singing group did remind him of Finn. Huh, what do you know? He feels Santana start to move next to him. He's been waiting for her to wake the hell up because she's going to have a major hangover and he wants to celebrate her pain with her.

"How do you feel baby?" Her head is pounding when she wakes up in Puck's bed. She doesn't have to turn her head to know that he has a smirk on his face. "Get me water and some aspirin, asshole." He starts to chuckle, but he does stand up so score for her.

She's wondering why all those shots of tequila seemed like such a good idea last night. It must have been the same logic that led her to calling Puck to come get her at Mike's because she was too drunk to leave by herself, but also didn't want to stay there and have to keep looking at Britt and Mike being all cute together.

When he comes back into the room, he hands her a glass of water and two pills, and announces he fucked Quinn. She groans and rolls her eyes before she pops the pills into her mouth and chases them down with a large gulp of water. "Why?"

"Because she's hot and she wanted me." It's a good enough reason to fuck anyone, but she's not so sure that Finn will share this opinion. "You do realize that Finn is going to have a problem with this?" He grabs a football and jumps next to her on his bed. "Yeah, well I've got a problem with Finn too. Fucking Glee Club."

He tells her about prostates and Football practice and Glee club and that people have to own their shit and Quinn wanting to get back at Finn. "But why does she have to get back at Finn with you?" He stops throwing the football around and looks over at her. "Shit, you're not mad at me, are you baby?"

He can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants as long as he stays clean and is available when she needs him. She is free to do the same and it's not like she didn't fuck Matt last night before Puck picked her up so no, she isn't mad at him.

She is mad at Quinn though, because Quinn doesn't know about this arrangement. "Not at you." She does hear the quiet Thank fuck he murmurs under his breath, but she chooses not to comment on it. They have better things to do than talk anyway because orgasms still are the best cure for a hangover she knows.


It was just a suggestion he'd whispered in Santana's ear while Rachel was ranting about girls wanting sex just as much as boys, ("Let's see if angels are going to cry when I fuck you from behind while we hold a balloon between your back and my chest.") but it turned out to be a fucking hot game to play. He seriously wins at life.


She's on her way home when she decides to give Puck a call. She's been thinking about the break up ever since it happened. It's not that she doesn't like him anymore or that she doesn't want to fuck him anymore, it's just the fact that she can't deal with the pressure that relationships bring. It's like she has to sabotage them because pure happiness is overrated, to her at least.

It's the same with her reasons for joining Glee. She likes to sing and dance and she's always thought Glee club sounded kind of fun, but she didn't join until the opportunity came along to sabotage the club and participating in it at the same time. She's only been in the club for a few weeks and it's already a tangle of different roles and responsibilities.

There's Quinn who she has to help with keeping an eye on the "Finn and Rachel situation", and for who she has to pretend that she gives a fuck about Q's relationship. There's Brittany who she has to help understanding what she can and can't say to the Glee clubbers. There's Will Schuester who she has to charm but at the same time undermine. There are the other Glee members who she has to pretend to be friendly with, but who she at the same time has to pick apart to detect weaknesses she can report and exploit. There's Sue for who she has to pretend to be a mindless tool to use. There is the rest of the student body to who she has to defend her choice to join Glee.

And lastly there is herself who she has to remind all the time not to get sucked into the joy of doing what she loves, because at the end of the day that's not the commitment she has made. It's a messy situation but it's the only way she can deal. because messy is all she's ever known her whole life.

There's only one person in her life she doesn't have to pretend with, ever. She loves Brittany because she is such a sweet friend and Santana herself can learn a lot from her about listening to your heart, but she's always afraid she's going to break Britt's spirit with her meanness and spite. She is a very bitter and angry person and her harshness sometimes even scares herself and that's why she clicks so well with Puck. He has the same walls and defense mechanisms, he is loud and he is rude, he lashes out at you when he needs you the most. Maybe people look at the two of them and say that they bring out the worst in each other, but she doesn't care about that, because the simple truth is that she cares for him deeply.

She just can't be in a relationship with him, because it's too much and they're only sixteen years old for God's sake. She wants to explore other people and while she was free to do so when they were together, she always felt like she had to report back to him. She wants to be free but at the same time she doesn't want to lose the right to be jealous when he's with someone else, so she calls him. "What's up?" he asks her when he picks up just before it goes to voicemail. He sounds sleepy. "I'm coming over."

"I just don't understand why you keep playing lackey to Quinn fucking Fabray. She is just a stuck up little girl who thinks she's all that but really isn't more than Sue Sylvester's little pet."

He was taking a nap when she called to tell him she was coming over. He was expecting her to want to start dating again, but instead he gets a fucking long, boring story about choreography and tanning privileges. As if he cares about those things.

"Well, you did fuck her."

You know what, fuck this. "Is that why you broke up with me?" Her mouth opens in surprise, "What? No!" Then why is she bringing it up? He just doesn't get her sometimes or maybe it's not her but just girls in general.

"When you called I thought you were coming over to talk about our break up because I think we both know that a bad credit score isn't the reason. Also not true. But you've been talking about Glee and Coach Sylvester for over the last twenty minutes and then you randomly throw me fucking Quinn in my face. What's going on Santana?" She visibly deflates before his eyes and it's actually a little scary.

He understands her snarky attitude is just a front for the passionate but broken girl inside and he loves whatever she chooses to be at any giving moment. He knows that by breaking up with him she's trying to shut him out to protect herself. He has the same defense mechanism, but unlike him she's not just trying to protect herself from getting hurt, she's also trying to protect herself from having feelings period. It doesn't matter if those feelings are positive or negative.

"I just can't.." she whispers. She sighs and throws her arms in the air out of frustration. "I know baby. Come here." He says the words and a second later she is in his arms. "I cried when Coach Sylvester took away my tanning privileges." He snorts and asks her if she wants to take a nap with him. She did wake him up after all.

They are tucked beneath the blankets when she whispers she just wants to still mean something to him. He wonders how she can't know that while he does say that he doesn't want to deal with high school girls, he does want to deal with her because she is his high school girl. Just because they're not dating anymore doesn't mean she isn't still number one in his heart.


He's been miserable ever since he found out for sure that he's going to be a father. They've won their first game and now he doesn't even get to enjoy it. Santana confronts him at the after party. "What's up with you? You've been sitting around like a little angst-whore all night. It's like a scene straight out of a Twilight movie in here." she snarks at him. He smirks, she's such a diabolical bitch. God forbid he should think she actually cares about him. He revels in it.

"We have a situation, Q's pregnant." Her whole face light up and he swears he can see the clogs in her mind turning to formulate a plan on how and when to use this new information. "Not so fast Regina George, it's mine."

He is such an idiot sometimes, just such an idiot. It's not like she can't see that having the opportunity to fuck the president of the Celibacy Club must have felt like some sort of accomplishment for him, but couldn't he at least have wrapped it up? "What the hell Puck? What the fuck happened?"

He lets his head fall back against the wall, closes his eyes and sighs. "Not sure, apparently the fucking condom broke or what the fuck ever. You know, at first I thought Finn maybe didn't tell me that they fucked. Since he joined that fucking Glee club he suddenly feels so much better than me. Like the fucking defender of the weak. So yeah, but then I asked Q." He sighs again and his face twists up in an expression she never wants to see on his features again. It's a combination of anger, hurt and resignation.

She suddenly realizes that this is not the best place for this conversation. "Let's go." They walk to the entrance of the house and she looks around for Brittany. She spots her in the hallway with Mike. "We are going to leave, Mike make sure Britt's safe." They walk to his Jeep and get inside it in silence, but when they pull away he tells her he's sorry.

"What for?" It's a good question but he can't find the words to answer her. He's sorry that it's Quinn he knocked up and not her, but he didn't want to knock up anyone so he can't tell her this. He's sorry he slept with Quinn, except not really because he did work hard for it; while she had invited him over to have sex, she changed her mind at least ten times. He's sorry he didn't feel the condom breaking, but then again he had given Quinn a morning after pill just in case, but she apparently didn't take it. In the end he just tells her he's sorry for being such a Lima loser.

"Is that what she said?" He nods. "Well than we have to show her you're not, because I'm assuming you want involved?" It's a mystery to him why he didn't go to Santana immediately instead of sulking around. "Join Glee." she orders. Say what now? "To keep an eye on her and to show her you're more than a jock." Well, that's a fair point actually, but he is going to insult Quinn about putting on weight first.

They reach his house as he is telling her about the weird story Quinn has given Finn and they laugh a little bit about Finnessa's Finnocence. "You've got to tell Matt and Mike before they tip off Finn that it doesn't work like that." she warns him. He can totally see why that's a good idea, but he isn't telling them anything until they join Glee with him. Right now he's going to not be making a baby with Santana.


He is walking down the hallway with Matt, Mike and April Rhodes. She's a good lay and he is glad she served him with a good last memory about the three of them before Matt and Mike kill him and bury his body. Santana was right when she told him they should know in case Finn tells them how he thinks he impregnated Quinn, but that doesn't mean he's looking forward to his death. As soon as April gets lost he tells them to come to his house after school.

"I'm going to tell you guys this fucked up story only one time so just listen to all of it before you punch me." So he tells them the whole story, from Quinn calling him to the three of them joining Glee. They don't punch him when he's done, they don't do much of anything really, they just sit there.

"Dude.." Mike says, ".. this is messed up." Matt is just staring at him, like he still can't really believe any of this. After a few minutes of the three of them just sitting there in his backyard, Matt finally opens his mouth. "Does Santana know about this?" He just nods his head in the affirmative and then tells Mike that he can tell Britt but only if he makes sure she doesn't get confused or upset about it. Mike asks him what he wants the two of them to do, how they can help him even. "You guys don't have to do anything, besides not helping Finn with figuring things out."

"Look, I know you think that we joined Glee because you suggested that the three of us should back Finn up, but you should just know that we didn't join Glee to help Finn, we joined because it sounded like fun and you asked. The fact that you had another reason to ask us doesn't matter. Got it?" Matt is a naturally quiet person, but when he talks, you better make sure to pay attention because he isn't just saying something to make noise. "He's right man, don't put us up on that list in your head of things you think you're fucking up." Mike adds.

Speaking about fucking, he suddenly realizes how incestuous this little group of jocks and Cheerio's that joined Glee is. Matt fucks Santana on a regular basis, but she is Puck's girl even if they're no longer dating. Santana has sex with Brittany from time to time, but Mike is off limits to her. Brittany isn't allowed to hook up with Puck or Matt anymore because it all became too confusing to her and she's really just Mike's. Matt, Mike and him fucked April Rhodes together just this afternoon and it's not the first time something like this has happened either. Still, him knocking up Quinn takes the fucking cake.

Later that night he calls Santana. "It's weird like, Finn is my best friend, but Mike and Matt are the best friends someone could have." She tells him she gets it and that she's naked. So yeah, things kind of go from there.


The girls are doing their mash-up performance and he's just swaying from left to right. One look into Santana's eyes told him that Nurse Schuester had struck again, so he just popped two leftover 'Vitamin D' pills in his mouth before practice.

They're out of the door as soon as Schuester dismisses them and five minutes later he has her clenching down on his cock in the locker room. The situation with Quinn has learned him that hindsight is truly 20/20, but right now he is learning that foresight? Is pretty fucking A.


When she comes home from school two days after Quinn's pregnancy became public knowledge, she finds a package waiting for her.

To Santana Lopez, the new HBIC of McKinley High.

Inside the package she finds a corset with matching panties, a garter belt, a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs. Across the room her phone beeps.

Puck 4:14 p.m.: 4 the dom u r ;)


Puck and Rachel. Rachel and Puck. The last few days she didn't really know if she should be horrified or entertained. This afternoon she saw Puck storming out of the bleachers while Rachel stared after him with a conflicted look on her face before she turned back to the field and smiled and waved to Finn who was talking to Schue. So she called Puck who was pissed he didn't get to introduce Rachel to his mom to get her off his back about dating a Jewish girl.

Now she's sitting in Puck's living room with his family and they're about to have dinner. "Wait, shouldn't we say our thanks first?" She closes her eyes and recites the words she's been practicing before she came here.

"Baruch ata Adonai elohaynu melech ha'olam she'hakol nihiyeh bidvaro.*"

She hears a soft Oh Noah on her left and when she opens her eyes she sees that Puck's mom has the biggest smile on her face and that her eyes are shiny. He owes her. Big time.

He wants to have this devious little creature sitting next to him in his life forever. It doesn't even matter if he never gets to fuck her again, not that he is planning on stopping with that anytime soon, but she has to stay. This afternoon he was so pissed off that yet another girl had chosen Finn over him and that he didn't get to make his mom happy. It's only a few hours later and his mood has done a total 180. If he had known that this was what she had in mind when she told him she was coming over for dinner, his response would've been a hell of a lot more enthusiastic.

He's actually a little relieved that Rachel broke things off. He's come to find that under the layers of sheer determination to be a star lays a fragile girl. He can relate to building an image to protect yourself, only his image makes people fear him, her image makes people torment her. He has decided he won't bully her anymore, but he also knows that he could never be what she would want him to be as her boyfriend, nor does he really want to be that person.

Innocent girls he can teach things, shy girls he can get to let their wild side out, self-conscious girls he can get to love their own body, but fragile girls he can only shatter more.

He's pulled out of his musings when he hears his mother say that his sister is having a sleepover at a friend's house and that she herself has to pull a night-shift, but that the two of them should have fun together. Score! As soon as his mother and sister are out of the house, his mouth is on hers. "That was badass! Come on!" he mumbles against her lips. She's smirking against his mouth as he thugs her up the stairs.

* Praised are you, Adonai our G-d, Sovereign of the Universe, at whose word all things come into existence


They sit together at the bake sale table after Finn stormed out and Quinn wheeled away. "I kind of want you to ride me while I sit in this thing. You know, just to get the full experience of Artie's life." She just shakes her head and grabs his hand. "In that case I'd like to introduce you to your new lover. Just keep your eyes closed and if you keep the glove on and pretend hard enough it'll feel like there's someone else there with you." He just laughs at her and tells her to keep an eye out on the table 'cause he has to do something real quick.

A few days later, after he tells her about his specialties crime and lying and how he tricked Mr. Ryerson into giving him pot, she grants him his wish. Just because she is proud of him and also because he did kind of beat her to the punch when he suggested it, but she's not going to tell the latter to him.


"Did you see how Rachel looked at Schue during that ballad they did?" They are both down to their underwear and she wants to talk about Rachel and Mr. fucking Schuester? Did she fall down the pyramid in Cheerio practice and hit her head?

He doesn't bother answering her and instead he slides his hands up her back to open the clasp of her bra. She arches up to him and he slides one hand back down so he can press his thumb against her clit through the fabric. He tangles his other hand in her hair and guides her mouth to his.

They make out lazily until she begins to pant into his mouth. It's time for stage two. He tugs her panties down her legs and bends his head so he can take one of her nipples in his mouth, but before he can do so, she opens her mouth. "Mr. Schuester, my lady bits have reached a certain humidity level that is very pleasing to me and I am ready for the next stage in our relations."

"Jesus Christ San, you're making my dick go limp." She is interested in all things sex, so naturally she is also curious about role-playing. It's been in her head for some time now. She knows that Puck only dated Rachel to make his mom happy, but he must also find her attractive on some level, otherwise he would never have even thought about her as an option. She herself would be lying if she said she has never thought of Will Schuester as something other than their Spanish teacher and Glee coach. It's the puppy dog eyes and his earnest believe in all off his students. So yeah, she wants to do this. She is not going to spell it out for him though.

She just smirks and brings one of her hands between them and slips it into his boxer briefs. "No, I'm not" she says while she takes him in her hand and begins to slide up and down his erection. He hardens further.

"You're really not." he snorts. "This what you had in mind?" he asks when he slides two of his fingers inside of her. "I believe in you Rachel. It excites me to know that when you're famous, I'll be able to say that I was your teacher." He's in. Yes!

She lets go off him when he speeds up his rhythm and curls his fingers just the way he knows she likes it. "Oh..oh..oh.. Mr. Shue.." she moans. He stills his hand just before she comes and pulls his fingers out. He pushes her hair away from her forehead with his other hand. "You can call me Will, my little star. So tell me, what do you want me to do?"

"I'm currently hoping that your quick wit and quicker tongue may be of use to me between my thighs at this precise instant." He shakes his head in amusement and begins to trail kisses down from her neck and over her stomach until he is down between her legs.

He doesn't know what this is about exactly , maybe it's about him dating Rachel or maybe she's just hot for Schuester, but he's not going to question it or stop it either way. If this is what she wants, this is what she gets. He will never turn Santana down or make fun of her. He likes that she seems to know that, she would never have trusted him with this if she was afraid about that.

He lets his tongue make one long slope across her pussy before he sucks her clit into his mouth. She was already close so it doesn't surprise him that she begins to clench down on his fingers as soon as he slides them back into her. It takes only a few thrusts and she is screaming Will's name as she comes. It doesn't make him feel aggravated like it did when Quinn moaned Finn's name in his ear all those weeks ago, instead it makes him feel accomplished. Also, the polite version of dirty talk she uses is weirdly hot. He'd like to think he could screw all the eloquent words out of Rachel's head though, if the situation he had that opportunity would ever arise.

He slides back up her body and positions his cock right in front of her entrance, but instead of entering her he takes her head between his hands and looks into her eyes. "Are you absolutely sure about this Rachel?" he asks, "I'd hate to feel like I would be taking advantage of you in any way." He thinks that if this would be going down between the real Rachel and the real Will Schuester, there'd be no way their teacher wouldn't be taking advantage of their teammate, but it adds to the illusion. "Yes I'm absolutely sure. I'm very eager to experience the sensation of your priapic key being inserted into my properly prepared and lubricated lock."

He keeps his eyes on her while he slowly begins to push in. "Now this will hurt, but only for a moment. We can take all the time that you need. I promise to be as gentle as possible." She can only nod, because her throat suddenly feels tight. She hadn't thought about Rachel being a virgin but now that Puck has brought her attention to it, she can't help but think back to her own first time.

There were no words of encouragement there and Davy Anderson certainly hadn't been gentle whatsoever. She didn't even like the guy but he was a senior and he had chosen her. He had chosen her, a lowly freshman. She had been so desperate to fit in that of course she had said yes.

She definitely never regretted it and when he never called her afterwards, she definitely didn't feel used and when she saw him hitting on someone else on a party just a week later, she was definitely not disappointed and who is she kidding? It just really sucked.

Puck seems to sense her change in mood because he hasn't moved any further. Suddenly the air around them is charged and to her mortification she feels tears well up in her eyes. "You don't have to feel embarrassed Rachel. I'll still talk to you during Glee after we do this, if that's what you're worried about." And just like that he breaks her out of the spell of unpleasant memories that were threatening to overtake her. It's like the roles they play make it possible for them to be gentle with each other in a way they both wouldn't allow when they are just themselves. She locks her legs around his thighs and he slides his cock further inside of her until he is all the way in.

He had always assumed that Santana wasn't a virgin when they started sleeping together. She had said she thought he was hot and knew that she was hot and that they would be even hotter together. He couldn't argue with that logic so he went for it. He still can't argue with that logic, but now he is feeling like a dick, because what if she was a virgin? He definitely hadn't said anything about being gentle and not feeling embarrassed the first time they slept together.

He's pissed at himself for not asking her back then, because it doesn't matter if it was him or some other fucker, the way she reacted just now tells him her memories of her first time aren't good ones. There's nothing he can do about that anymore though, so he'll just have the make the memory of this first time a good one.

He keeps his eyes locked on hers while he slowly pushes in and out of her and lets go off her face with his hands. He doesn't fondle her nipples or pinch her clit like he would do any other time. Instead he slowly brings their hands together, tangles their fingers and brings their joined hands over her head. He keeps the rhythm slow but steady, the way they are still looking into each other's eyes is extremely intimate and wildly arousing.

He sees her eyes widen when he hits a certain spot so he does it again and again and again. "It seems that you've managed to hit the elusive G-spot. I've come to realize, during my extensive research on all the subjects a teenage girl with a healthy sexual appetite should be aware of, that this is a very rare occurrence."

"I'm glad we get to experience this together. You deserve the best in everything you undertake so I want to make your first time as enjoyable as possible." She knows what he is trying to do and she loves him for it really. It's scary and new and also a little bit confusing.

They've had slow, drawn out sex before. Hell, they have had all kinds of sex before. They've tied each other up, they've withheld each other orgasms, they've had phone sex, they sext each other regularly, they have done each other in all kinds of positions at all kind of locations, but they have never ever made love. And now, while they are under the disguise of pretending to be other people, it seems like they are.

She closes her eyes because it's too much and it's too intense and it's exactly why she broke up with him, because she can't deal with these kind of feelings. Not now, maybe not ever.

She is so deep in thought that she's surprised when she suddenly comes so hard that it sets off his orgasm and the feeling she gets when they lay panting together in a heap on her bed is so raw that it leafs her feeling breathless. She doesn't even realize she is crying until she feels him kiss the tears away. "Shh baby, relax, I've got you." he whispers in her ear.

It only makes her cry harder and it makes her feel embarrassed so she tries to pull away but he doesn't let her and then she's just laying there, crying into his chest, feeling completely exposed and vulnerable. "You want to sing a song about it?" He helps her, of course he does, so she raises her head and gives him a soft kiss on his jaw. "Thank you, Puck."

She's thanking him for all kinds of things, for indulging her with her role-playing idea, for trying to erase the bad memories of her first time, for still being there for her after she randomly breaks up with him, for telling her about Quinn and the baby and of course right this instant for not pushing her and giving her an out. He tilts her head so he can look into her eyes. "Anything for you, baby."

He pulls a blanket over them and the only thing she can think about while she is falling asleep, is how complicated things are going to get after the truth about the paternity of Quinn's baby comes out. Because it's going to come out. She doesn't like to think about it much, but she knows things are going to change after that and not necessarily for the better.


"Are you mad at me?" She approaches him in the parking lot after their practice with the deaf kids. She is actually more than a little nervous that he really is mad at her, that maybe she overstepped an invisible line by bitching out his baby mamma. She doesn't want to be the reason he doesn't get to be a father to his child but she was just so afraid to lose him, especially after what happened last week, that she panicked.

"You could have just told her to back off and leave it at that." She knows that's what she should've done because as far as Quinn knows, Santana and Puck have been over for months. "But I'm also not down with the fact that Quinn gets pissed about me sexting another girl when she is in no way saying she's going to tell Finn the truth and break up with him."

She was so busy panicking that she didn't realize that maybe she was unconsciously trying to show him how hypocritical Quinn was being by testing Puck, because she knew that's what Quinn was doing when he told her that Quinn asked him to babysit with her. "So..?" she asks slowly.

"So I think we should take this fucking ugly wig and the leftover pot from Artie's bake sale and get naked so we can find out what the hell the musical Hair really was about." She lets out an relieved little sigh and stares up at him seductively as she pushes herself up against him. "Really?" she asks him. He doesn't answer her but instead picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and walks them to his truck.

Later that afternoon they are laying tangled together in the three house in his backyard and he is feeling completely blitzed out on pot and sex. "What is going to happen if Quinn does tell Finn the truth?"

He is still wearing that ridiculous wig but other than that they're both completely naked. Not exactly the best moment for this conversation, but then again when is it ever a good moment to talk about this? "I don't know. They'll probably break up."

She nods and asks him what will happen if Quinn wants to date him after that. It's not like he hasn't thought about it, hell he even told Quinn he wanted to be with her. What he really wants is to meet his daughter and be able to openly love her and to take care of her if they decide to keep her, or to have a say in the choice of the adoptive family if they decide to give her up.

He knows that the reason behind Santana telling Quinn about the two of them sexting has to do with the fact that she's afraid to lose him and he hates that this fear isn't unfounded, because if he has to date Quinn to get what he wants, he is going to do so. "I would date her to get closer to the baby.." He winces when he feels her tense against him. ".. but that wouldn't mean I'd love you any less."

She tries to mask it but he hears the soft gasp of surprise. He tilts her head up with one of his hands and looks into her eyes searchingly. "You do know that right? That I love you?" She continues to look up into his eyes unblinkingly and she seems to be too stunned for words to talk. "I know that you love me too and I also know that the fact that the two of us love each other doesn't mean we're dating."

He sees the spark of recognition in her eyes and then she is softly repeating the words he told her pretty soon after they started dating last year. "Sex doesn't always mean dating, dating doesn't always mean love, love doesn't always mean sex. I remember."

Good girl.


He wonders how Rachel got them this gig. He doesn't see her as the type to get on her knees, but that director guy is seriously giving off creepy vibes. As he's bouncing around on the mattresses in the store he thinks about what kind of people will buy these things. People who are not having sex probably, one hard stroke and you both get projected right out of the bed down to the floor. Maybe he can test that theory with Santana later.


"I'd even bet you for it. All I'm saying is you better make sure your mom knows, because Quinn will be on your doorstep before you know it." It started with her making sure that his face wasn't going to be bruised too badly, but it ended with them both getting naked and him teasing the fuck out of her with the ice cubes. How could it not, really? "At least you knew it was going to come out. I on the other hand was totally unprepared to come out."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He doesn't have any idea what she is getting at, like not at all. "Britt announced to the original Gleeks that if sex would be dating, Santana and I would be dating."

Brittany is the light of his day sometimes, he has seriously never loved her more. "She did not." He can just imagine the look on their faces. He didn't know it and he's sure Britt couldn't have known it either, but this is exactly what he needed to hear to pull himself together.

"Oh yes she did."


Like Santana predicted Quinn's independent woman act lasted not that long. Not even a day, just until she had packed up her things in the Hudson household. So now Quinn is living in his house and she doesn't want Santana to come over. She actually doesn't want Puck to see Santana at all, but he has already told her that's just not happening. Puck is on constant craving duty and Quinn wants them to pretend to be a couple at school to at least maintain the illusion that the baby is created out of love.

God forbid he suggests doing something more than giving a chaste kiss on the cheek or holding her hand though. She's surprisingly good at playing the weak little victim of the Big Bad Puck for someone who not that long ago felt she was better than everyone, who was always looking for the weaknesses in people she could use to her own advantage.

Luckily for him, his mother is one of the few people who don't buy into her 'innocent virgin taken advantage of' act. "What's done is done." she had said, "I don't imagine either of you planning this, so now all we can do is look at the options and move forward." He is relieved how calm his mother is about the situation, but not that surprised to be honest. His family knows that the poker of life sometimes deals you the worst hand, but if you play your cards right and bluff successfully, there is always the opportunity for you to run a pot.

Quinn is expecting his mother to dote on her and his mother expects Quinn to take charge of her own life. It's safe to say they don't get along.

He has escaped the madness of his house to Santana's. They're sitting against the pillows on the head of her bed while she is telling him about Coach Sylvester's newest scheme and he definitely doesn't like the sound of it. He doesn't like the fact that she has to seduce his ex-best friend Finn Hudson. His feelings are a mix of jealousy but mostly concern for her, so when she asks him what he thinks about it, he tries to be as honest as possible without telling her what to do. "Look, I know you want to be head cheerleader and all. I get that. I just hope that what you get is worth more than what you give."

It's clear he doesn't like what Coach Sylvester wants her to do but she's not really sure why. It could be jealousy about Finn, only he doesn't look that jealous, just kind of conflicted. He has told her in the past that he trusts her judgment on all things Cheerio's and Sue Sylvester. He also told her that he'll never just tell her what to do when she asks for his advice on something, that the only thing he can do is to give his opinion on the matter and that she has to draw her own conclusion and course of action. That were not his actual words of course ("I can't live your life for you, but as long as you own your shit, I'll be there to back you up."), but she can read between his lines.

It's why he didn't defend Finn's decision to join Glee to the football team, because Finn lied about it. It's why he likes Artie the best out of the original Gleeks, because Artie doesn't want people to feel sorry for him because he's different, he just wants people to understand his situation. It's why he is so frustrated with Quinn, because she still acts like he is the only one who fucked up in the baby drama.

She doesn't get what the difference is between what Sue is asking her to do now and all the other things she has asked her to do before, but he is feeling uncomfortable about it. She can tell. She just doesn't understand why. His advice is also cryptic as hell. "I don't understand." she says. He only confuses her further when he pulls her into a hug and tells her to just be careful. They drop the subject after that and he begins to tell her about the latest drama between Quinn and his mother.


After Finn drops her off at her house the weird churning in her stomach doesn't go away and she finally comes to the conclusion that she wasn't feeling hungry after Finn and her finished, she was feeling used.

Not by Finn really. Technically he did use her to forget about Rachel (and maybe other recent betrayals), but it's not like he is the first boy to do something like that to her, and it's not like she hasn't used sex to forget about things in the past. No, she is feeling used by Coach Sylvester who used her desire to become head cheerleader against her.

She suddenly realizes that Puck was just trying to warn and protect her, but that she didn't listen carefully to what he was trying to tell her. She wants so badly to be pissed at him because if he'd just told her she wouldn't feel this way now, but she knows that she wouldn't have believed him and that she probably even would've been pissed at him for insinuating that she'd be getting hurt by something that was just supposed to be a means to an end.

So now she is feeling like a whore and a stupid one at that. People have called her a whore before, but she has never felt like one.

She doesn't know how she got there, but suddenly she is standing on the front porch of Puck's house, ringing his doorbell. When he opens the door, he takes one look at her face and immediately takes her into his arms.

She smells the familiar scent that is a mixture of his mother's washing powder, his deodorant and something that's just Puck. It's weird how the combination of his scent and the feel of his arms around her is so comforting to her, but it is. They just stand there on his doorstep for a few minutes while he is drawing circles on her back and she is crying into his shirt a little bit. "Want to come inside?"

"I didn't get what you were trying to say a few days back. I do now." They are sitting on the couch in his living room. She doesn't have to explain any further for him to get the picture. She actually didn't even have to tell him this, because when he opened the door and saw her standing there with that lost look on her face, he already understood what had happened. He just has to ask her one thing to be sure though. "He.. didn't like.. do anything weird though, right?"

It's not like he thinks that Finn would intentionally hurt her, but he also knows that Finn's like the king of unintentionally hurting people. In Puck's opinion every high school boy is basically a self-observed asshole looking for options to get laid. You can go around pretending to be a good guy, but that's just false advertisement in his opinion, so Puck doesn't even try to go there. It does frustrate him at times that no one sees Finn for the asshole he is. At school they see Puck as the bad guy and Quinn and Finn as his victims. He knows there's no way he isn't the bad guy, but he also knows that both Quinn and Finn aren't exactly his victims.

Finn joined Glee and while he didn't tell Puck about it, he did tell Quinn and for the duration of two weeks the only thing he could talk about was Rachel fucking Berry. Quinn was pissed at Finn and to get back at him she decided that while he was going away on a field trip to Vocal Adrenaline, she was going to sleep with Puck. He was also pissed at Finn for lying about joining Glee and making him feel embarrassed in front of Mrs. Hudson, so he didn't care that much about the fact that Quinn was Finn's girlfriend but more about the fact that she was hot.

Finn wanted to do Glee and Football at the same time, but he also wanted to be with Quinn and Rachel at the same time, because while Quinn represented Football to him, Rachel represented Glee. When Quinn joined Glee and turned out to be pregnant, Finn could have had her represent both Football and Glee to him, but it wasn't enough for him, he still kissed Rachel and wanted to be with her. If there wouldn't have been a baby, you could say that while Quinn cheated on Finn one time, Finn engaged in an emotional affair during half the time of their relationship.

He's not sure which one is worse and it's also a moot point because there is a baby, a baby who's father Quinn lied about and that Puck didn't tell the truth about. So yeah, in his opinion they are all the bad guys. There's no use in trying to explain all this to people at school though and it's also not important at this moment. Santana still hasn't said anything so he grabs her hand and squeezes it.

"Finn.. no, he didn't.. when I asked him how he felt he said he didn't feel anything because it didn't mean anything, but.. that's not.." Why she is upset, he knows. Sue fucking Sylvester. Her obsession with Glee club is mildly amusing to him so he normally doesn't tell Santana not to do what Sue wants her to, but he already knew that this was different. He is pissed at himself for not pushing the issue further last week but he also knows it would've been useless.

"You slept with Finn? Let me make one thing clear, just because I made one mistake doesn't mean you have the right to go after my ex-boyfriend. I think you know that Santana, it's girl code."

Quinn Fucking Fabray.

"That may be true but since I'm still waiting for an apology from you for fucking my boyfriend since like the day after it happened, you'll have to excuse me for not caring about your feeling on the subject of me having sex with Finn."

The expression on Quinn's face is a mixture of shock and hurt. "You.. you.. told her?" Quinn sputters out when she turns her attention away from her to Puck. "You didn't tell Finn?" he shoots back with a smirk.

Santana sees tears gathering in Quinn's eyes and while she has been giving the girl a wide berth since she found out about the pregnancy, she just can't deal with her antics tonight so she tells her to sit down. "Look, I know that you feel like your life is spiraling out of control ever since you realized you missed your period.." She sees Puck wincing in the corner of her eye. "..but lashing out at the few people who have your back isn't helping you to gain that control back."

Quinn is full on crying now, but she is also nodding, so Santana knows she is hearing her. "Who else knew?" Quinn hiccups. "We had to tell Mike and Matt, because while we knew that Finn would never give an answer to the rest of the jocks, we felt like he would tell the two of them the hot tub story if they'd ask him about 'tapping' you. I think you know what that conversation would've been like."

To her relief the tears have stopped and Quinn even starts to smile a little. "Thank you. I'm going to go up to my room now if that's ok. I'm tired and I have some new things to think about." Quinn states softly. She smiles at Quinn until she's up the stairs and then she lets herself fall against Puck. She suddenly feels exhausted herself.

"How did you know?" she asks as he trails his hand up and down her arm. His hand stills but he doesn't pull away from her.

"You know that my pool cleaning business comes with extra services." He sighs deeply and when she looks up she sees that his jaw is clenched and that he's staring off into space. She isn't so sure she wants to hear this story all of a sudden.

"Word got out about it and then one day a new client asked me for my adult pricelist. I figured since cougars had paid me before that it didn't matter so I just told her fifty bucks and fucked her later, but afterwards, on the way home, I suddenly felt dirty, used. Before I only fucked the clients that I selected and if they paid me extra afterwards that was fine. This time I felt like she selected me. I was just a plaything to her and while I was also just a plaything for the cougars I fucked before her, that was OK because I chose to be their plaything. This felt totally different, she took my sense of control away."

She's glad that he hasn't told her this story before this night, because she wouldn't have truly understood the difference that he is talking about but after experiencing it firsthand she knows exactly what he means.

"Thanks for telling me." He gives her a weak smile and kisses her on her forehead. "Sure. You up for a movie?" She nods and snuggles deeper into his side as he turns on the TV.


Coach Sylvester is telling Britt and her that April Rhodes has spend the night at Mr. Schuester's house and how she is waiting for the best moment to reveal this new little fact to Miss Pillsbury. She wants to tune her out, but you can't let your attention slip in front of Sue. It's when she is most dangerous.

After what happened with Finn she has decided to stop going along with everything Coach says. She hasn't even asked Santana about Finn after Rachel began dating Jesse. There also hasn't been talk about who is going to be the new head cheerleader. She is extremely frustrated with the whole situation and she doesn't even have a proper outlet. She hasn't had sex with Puck in weeks. That is going to end tonight. She begins to type him a message under the table.


He doesn't care that Rachel used the three of them for her shit-fest of a video because that was actually kind of bad-ass. If the video wasn't so goddamn awful, he would give her a pet on the back. He is lashing out at her is because he's frustrated that he is sitting in the choir room with a fucking hard-on.

The only thing he's been able to think about since the start of the video is how Santana was waiting for him on his bed when he came home from shooting his scenes with Rachel and Sandy Ryerson (who was fucking surprised he could walk again by the way) in nothing but those angel wings.


"Are you still mad?" He is standing on her doorstep with a bag in his hand and a pleading expression on his face. She has already forgiven him, but she doesn't uncross her arms. "She broke up with me, if that'll make you feel better."

It does. It really does, so she lets him into the house. He says he has to go to the bathroom first, so she waits for him on the couch in her living room. She's fidgeting. When he comes back into the room, he takes a seat beside her, careful not to touch her. She just kinks her eyebrow, he has some explaining to do.

"Since we broke up, I dated Rachel to make my mom happy, I pretended to date Quinn because she felt like a whore and I dated Mercedes to gain back popularity. How do you figure those reasons are threatening to you? That I'm not yours anymore?"

Her mind knows that what he's telling her is the truth, but her heart is afraid of believing him. She just doesn't understand why he didn't pick her if he wanted to date a Cheerio. She decides to open herself up and to just ask him. "People at school wouldn't spread rumors about you if they wouldn't be absolutely sure that they knew the truth. They're afraid of you. Besides I wouldn't date you for any other reason than the fact that I love you."

He takes her hand and leads her to the bathroom. When she walks through the door, she sees that he has prepared a bath for her. He takes off his shirt but the wife beater underneath stays on. Then he turns to her and tells her to take off her uniform and to go sit in the bathtub. "I'm going to show you that it's nice when someone else washes your hair."

Her head is the only thing that is above the water. He softly lathers up her hair and gives her a head massage. Then he carefully rinses the soap out of her hair before taking a sponge in his hand. She doesn't know how long she lays there in the bathtub with her eyes closed while he runs the sponge over her body, but after some time the water is getting cold.

He helps her out of the bathtub and envelopes her in a big fluffy towel, before he picks her up and leads her to her bedroom. After he puts her on her bed, he takes the towel off of her and gets a bottle of lotion. The massage he gives her makes her fall asleep.

When she wakes up, she's alone, but there's a note on the other pillow.


You broke up with me, so the ball is in your court if you want to date me again. I also dated Mercedes to provoke you because I wanted to prove that you lied when you said I didn't turn you on.



They are at the mall and she is telling Matt about the fact that Puck has told her he loves her and about the note he left. "Do you remember that when we were in kindergarten there were days we could bring our own toy?" She is wondering where he is going with this. "Most of the kids didn't let anyone else play with their toy but you weren't like that. You would let anyone play with your toy until you thought they wanted to keep it, then you took it back. Puck was exactly the same way."

She gets what he means. It's not like she only wants Puck when he is with someone else and that it's the same for him with her. When they were officially dating Puck did have sex with other people but he came always back to her, and she always came back to him. Now that they aren't dating anymore, they still have sex with each other and he has told her he loves her, but he has also dated two other girls and pretended to date another. Somewhere in her mind she has formed the fear that he will choose dating someone else over having love and sex with her.


"Are you and Finn butt buddies again?" He asked her to stay behind after practice to talk, but the smirk on his face and the fact that he locked the choir room tells her he has something else planned.

"Very clever." He pulls her to him and walks the two of them towards the drum set until they stand at the exact spot where he humped the floor during his performance earlier. "I was thinking about you. I've missed you." He reaches under her skirt with one hand and pushes her panties down.

This may be exactly what she needs to cheer her the fuck up since Coach Sylvester pulled out of Nationals, so she begins to fumble with his belt buckle. He takes off his jacket and spreads it out on the ground, before he motions her to lay down. He positions himself on top of her and keeps his weight off of her by supporting himself on one of his forearms. He flips her skirt up with the hand of his other arm.

They are both naked from the waist down, except she still has her sneakers on and his jeans and boxer briefs are bunched around his knees. He grabs his cock with his free hand and slides it up and down her pussy a few times before pushing in. They find an easy rhythm and she clasps her legs around the downside of his back. She suddenly hears a buzzing sound and just as she starts to turn her head to detect the source, he presses a finger vibrator against her clit. He softly starts to sing into her ear. "It's such a good vibration. It's such a sweet sensation…"


He's preparing for their Shout it! performance with Matt, Mike and Artie. Finn is suspiciously absent. "You figured out a way to comfort Rachel about finding her mom yet, Matt?" he asks casually.

Matt's head whips up in shock and Puck thinks that he would've turned pale if he was able to with his skin-color. "Aren't you too busy trying to convince Quinn to let you meet your daughter since she moved out and getting Santana to ask you out, to get up in my business?" His amusement only grows now that Matt is acting defensive.

"Why didn't I notice this?" Mike asks.

"I think she's a cool chick, but I'm trying to keep it on the down-low. She's all up on Finn like nobody's business." Matt answers him dejectedly. Well, Puck just won't stand for that. "Mark my words, as soon as Quinn pushes out my bastard spawn, Finn and her are getting back together. After that she's all yours man." Matt just nods his head.

"Aren't Santana and Brittany together?" Artie pipes up suddenly.

"Nah man, they both like the pussy, but they love the cock." he answers him.

Mike pumps his fist as Artie's eyes widen behind his glasses. That's the exact moment that Finn storms into the auditorium, all the while muttering about Azimio and Karofsky.


"No one is judging you Noah. We understand if you are sad despite the fact that the existence of Glee club is established for another year." Rachel says.

After Mr. Schuester made the announcement that they have another year, Rachel invited the whole Glee club to her house to celebrate. He was just taking a moment for himself but Rachel probably thinks she has to try and make him feel better, because she thinks that's her duty as co-captain or some shit like that. He tells her that since he just gave up his baby girl to her mom, he thinks that he's allowed to be sad thank you very much. She looks taken aback. What did she expect?

"Of course Noah, that's also very unfortunate but I was actually talking about the fact that Quinn is currently reconciling with Finn in my Daddy's study. I for one feel completely blindsided by this occurrence because I was unaware that the possibility of reconciliation was still on the table. I am saddened by the fact that Finn doesn't seem to realize what I can see so clearly. In my opinion our on-stage chemistry alone is proof enough for our compatibility. He even told me he loved me, but later clarified he had just meant that he loves me as a friend. I know that you're in love with Quinn, she told us you told her. I'm very sorry, Noah."

He feels a little bit sorry for her actually. All she could talk about all year long - besides Glee - was her 'epic romance' with Finn and it's still not happening. Of course she feels like this is the end of the world and even more important than losing your baby girl, because Rachel is a high-school girl and a drama queen on top of that.

Ever since he found out that Quinn was pregnant, he has felt his childhood slipping away from him and after meeting Beth and then giving her way, he really doesn't feel like a kid anymore. They haven't talked about it, but he can imagine Quinn feels the same way. Even if he was in love with Quinn, he still would be more upset about giving up his baby than the fact that she is making up with Finn. Since he isn't in love with her, he's just happy for her but still upset about the baby.

"I've told you this before, those two will never break up. Of course I love Quinn, she brought my child in this world for fuck's sake, but I'm not in love with her." He turns his attention from Rachel to Santana and looks her straight in the eye. "I'm already in love with someone else." he states.

Her turn.

She feels her heart pounding in her ears. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? She isn't able to do anything except staring into his eyes.

"Why aren't you moving? You're scaring me, Santana." Brittany says beside her. She does hear Brittany and she absolutely doesn't want to scare her, but it's not enough to break her out of her trance.
"Puck wants them to be like us." Mike answers as he pulls Brittany away from her. "Sex, love and dating?" Britt's question makes the people around her start to gossip and then Puck is walking towards her until he stops right in front of her. As he takes her hands in his she realizes that they are shaking.

"You heard the girl. We already have two of the three down, let's make a full set. What do you say?" Someone gasps behind her. She has never said the words to him, but he seems to instinctively know that she loves him too. And she does, she so does. Her mouth begins to form a smile and she nods her head up and down. "Yes."

His mouth is on hers instantly and she distantly hears their teammates whooping in the background, but she can only concentrate on the feel of him and the fact that they are really doing this. He whispers in her ear that he loves her. She can't say it back to him yet. Soon though.

"Congratulations Noah, Santana." Rachel says to them.

He figures since Rachel incessant yammering triggered his public declaration of love, that he somehow owes her a little. So he is going to do her and his buddy a solid. "Thanks Rachel. Now that you're here, I want to ask you a favor. Matt told me he wants to work on his singing technique to fully prepare for next year. Maybe you could help him out this summer?"

Rachel scurries off hurriedly because the prospect of having the opportunity to properly introduce someone to the wonderful world of music is like crack to her. He follows her with his eyes and he sees her approaching Matt. "Matthew, if I could have a moment of your time, please. Noah alerted me to the fact that you want to expand on your musical horizon. I feel like it would be an exceptionally wise choice if you would allow me to assist you with your endeavors."

Santana snorts next to him. He just grins and kisses her temple.

Sex doesn't always mean dating. Dating doesn't always mean love. Love doesn't always mean sex. But if you're in love with the person you have sex with, you should try to get that person to date you, because then you'll have found yourself a keeper.

He wonders if his mom is going to cry when they tell her Santana's not really Jewish.