Mrs Cameron's diary

Cost of living? *confused face*

What Samantha Cameron might have had to say about a week in which the cost of living and 'green crap' were in the news
    • The Guardian,
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Samantha and David Cameron
Samantha and David Cameron: *innocent face* Photograph: Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images

Well basically the cost of living is not a thing any more *breathes major sigh of relief*? I mean the Goveys say it was never totally a thing because eg why can't you get a table anywhere, Dave is like *innocent face* oh can't you we always can, but until Mr Cobber arrived the cost of living was defo the new austerity, just a bit less niche, but now Mr Cobber says the CoL crap, he will not even say the words, is even more over than green crap, which is even more over than happiness crap, which is way more over than the big society crap & do not even talk to him about fucking chocolate oranges crap and the nudge crap #massiveHiltofail, not that anybody can prove they actually happened :)) Actually *confused face* it can be quite hard to keep up, because Daylesford is totes green, obvs, but totes NOT crap & Mummy is like, help me out darlings, are Bulgarians crap, I do hope not because the London gutters desperately need some TLC and just try getting an English man up a ladder? Dave is like, well for God's sake when you find a Bulgarian make it a stunted one, the Freuds' chimney is smoking, so Mummy goes well give me their number, Dave is like BANTS, Ma, Danny's already sourced an unusually small NEET #woodburningstoves #typical.

And it is so good about the cost of living going down because I said to Mummy (a) that Asos dress :((( and (b) those Zara shoes = literal torture and (c) not gonna lie, with everybody coming in for Mr Cobber's scientific re-programming it is literally like running a boutique hotel for like NO lolz or money? So if it is not Zac Goldsmith turning up the radiators when he thinks we are not looking & Bolesey going yeah tings be seriously cray cray widda me housin' bruv, which is apparently street for let's build more bungalows, it is backbenchers doing Python jokes & wiping their ketchuppy fingers *voms* on the curtains? I'm like, babes, do we absolutely have to FEED them, but Dave says it is like Anna Pavlova's dogs, without the bacon rolls Mr Cobber just can't train a backbencher to go "man with a long-term plan" on command?

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