WSJ: *makes a face* I've been writing YGO too long... I have this incredable erge just to smack Ishtar over the head with his Rod... *sighs* Besides, I think I'm going into Duo-withdrawl. ^_^;; *looks over at where Duo's trying to flirt with Elyssa (my Dark Magician Girl romance-muse)* Er...

Quatre: *looks up from the Japanese Ranma manga he's reading in the corner* You okay SJ?

WSJ: *twitching slightly* Just fine Q-kun, just fine... Can you do the intro for me while I go pound Duo for chatting it up with my muse?

Quatre: *blinks and watches as she storms away* Okaaaay...

Disclaimer: *Quatre walks out in an elf-costume, complete with curly-toed shoes and pointy ears*

Quatre: ^-^; I knew we shouldn't have let WSJ go see The Two Towers this close to Christmas... She doesn't own GW, and the song is Kevin Sharp's.

Summery: *Quatre continues to narrate as WSJ runs by in the backgound, waving one of Legolas's elven-knives over her head as she chases Duo around* Trowa and Cathrine get into a fight, Cathrine leaves, and Trowa calls Relena and Duo for advice. Of course, with those two, he gets a lot more then he bargained for...

Warnings: Trowa/Cathrin, and, as always, insanity. *sweatdrops as a squeal is heard from off camera* 'SJ!


Twisted GW Fairy Tales

Story 4: Trowa and the Greatest Show on Earth

After a routine performance one day, Cathrin tentativly approached Trowa. "Trowa, I've been offered a job at Circus Tech. (1) I'm not sure I want to leave here, though. I want your oppinion." she said.


"Trowa! How can you stand there and not answer me?! I love you!(2) You were the one reason I was tempted to stay!"

"...If you leave, there won't be anymore of your 'soup'?" Trowa asked in what was possibly the longest sentence he'd ever spoken.

Cathy blinked at the sudden change of direction. "Er... No,"

Trowa, in a fit of absolute rapture, smiled.

Tears began to flow down Cathrin's cheeks, and she turned and ran out of the big top.

Several months later Cathy still hadn't come back and Trowa figured she had accepted the job. (Duo: *sarcasticly* No!) He knew it would be better for her then this lousy circus, so why did he feel so lonely? (WSJ: *eyes widen in mock amazment* My God! He feels?!)

One day Quatre came to visit. He looked normal, but had a gleam in his eye that reminded Trowa a little too much of Duo. "Hey Trowa," he greeted Heavyarms's pilot.


"Listen Trowa, I know what you did to Cathrin last month." (WSJ: *falls over in a fit of giggles* The horrible thing is, this thing was written years before the movie even came out!) "You know she loves you. And I know you love her back. Tell her. I can feel it, you're torn up on the inside. You miss her." (Duo: *blinks* Dude... Q-man's a telepath... WSJ: No, that's Ryou. *rimshot* Gomen!)

With that, Quatre got up and left. Trowa knew that the little Arabian pilot was right. He found a peice of paper and a pencil, and wrote:

Dear Cathrin,
I'm sorry for the things I said. Actually, your soup's really very good!... As an all-purpose acid. Gomenasai, but I had to be honest. Please come home Cathy, nothing's the same around here without you. I'm not the same without you.

And then, as Quatre peered around the corner and watched in facinated horror, Trowa rose up from his chair, his eyes huge and shining all chibi-like. From out of nowhere the lights dimmed, and a single spotlight illuminated Trowa. The 03 pilot opened his mouth and he began to sing. Soprano.

"I pretend I'm glad you went away,
But these four walls are closing more every day.
I'm crying inside,
And nobody knows it but me.

"As a clown I put on a show,
But the pain is real even if nobody knows.
I'm dyin' inside,
And nobody knows it but me.

"Why didn't I say,
The things I needed to say?
How could I let my angel get away?
Now my world is just tumblin' down.
I can see us so clearly, but you're no-where 'round!

"Nights are lonely, the days are so sad.
I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had!
I'm missin' you,
And nobody knows it but me!"

The spotlight died and the lights came back on, leaving Trowa with a sickeningly cute expression on his face. Around the corner, Quatre was gagging. "Jeez, now I know why he never talks! You'd think he'd have hit puberty by now..." Blinking suddenly, Quatre picked up his cell-phone and dialed a number as he left. "Hello, operator? Can you get me the Anime Asylum please..."

Back in the big top, Trowa licked the stamp and, in his new-found freedom of expression (harhar!) made a face at the taste. He then sent the letter on its way.

The next week he woke up to the sound of Cathy ordering underlings about the circus grounds, as was her custom. He smiled as an idea creeped into his head. He hopped into his clothes and ran to a phone to call Duo. He'd need some help. (Quatre & WSJ: *in tandem* Mental help!)

When Duo arrived at the circus (an amazing feat since the circus was on L3 and Duo lived on L2) Trowa told him his idea. Duo grinned that wide grin he was famous for. "Well, you were right to call on Dr. Love, but we'll need more help... Someone with a hefty bank account... Relena maybe? It's either her or that chick Dorothy, and her eyebrows creep me out! They stare at me!"

"Dr. Love?" Trowa asked, breaking through the braided one's ramblings. "What happened to Shinigami?"

Duo waved him off. "The war's over. I needed a new nick-name. Dr. Love seemed to fit. Now, let's go call Relena!" He grabbed Trowa by the hand and drug him off, until Trowa politly pointed out that there was a phone in the room they were leaving. Wherupon, Duo turned around and drug him back.

Relena answered on the third ring. "Hello, Vice-Foreign Minister... Er... Hold please." In her office, Relena pulled a coin out of her pocket and flipped it. "Heads Peacecraft, tails Darlin,"(3) she muttered to herself. The coin landed, and stood perfectly balanced on its end. Relena blinked, and cautiosly took Duo off hold. "Er... Vice-Foreign Minister Yuy, how may I help you?"

Duo choked on a snort. "Trowa needs help, Madame Yuy. First, he called yours truly, Dr. Love!"

"Dr. Love? I thought you were Duo,"

"Ah, don't go into it," Duo said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. He then proceeded to tell Relena Trowa's plan.

"Good idea. Come over before you go shopping and I'll give you all the money you need." (Another incredable acheivment, since Relena was in the Sanc Kingdom) With that they hung up.

Several nights later, the three of them got ready for a very special performance. First, they tied up the clown that usually secured Trowa to the "cutting board" where Cathy would throw knives at him. Duo grabbed some big shoes and a red nose and took his place. Next, they tied up the girl who handed Cathrin her knives. Relena grabbed a spare costume and took her place.

Everything was perfect.

When it was time for the knife-throwing act, Relena and Duo closed in on Cathrin. They strapped her to the "cutting board" instead of Trowa.

"What's this?" Cathy asked, enraged, then she growled in recognition. "What are you two doing here?!"

They ignored her. "Hey Tro-kun, we're ready!" Duo called. He turned and winked at the crowd. More specificly, the row where Heero, Quatre, Wufei, Sally, Dorothy, and Hilde sat.

Hilde looked excited.

Heero looked bored.

Wufei looked ticked.

Sally looked annoyed, and kept glancing over at Wufei.

Dorothy looked like she wanted to seduce Quatre.

Quatre looked nervous at being so close to Dorothy.

They all straitened up though, when Trowa came out holding something behind his back. He stood in front of Cathrin, then dropped to one knee. Now the whole crowd was silent, waiting with bated breath. There was a "Aw, hell!" from a certain Chinese pilot, and a shout of "Just do it already Trowa!" from his Japanese companion.

Trowa shrugged and pulled a little black box from behind his back. He opened it to reveil a huge diamond ring. (Bought with Relena's money, of course, not that she minded.)

Everyone held their breath as they waited for the answer to Cathy's unspoken question. Wufei would have shouted something, but Sally had both hands over his mouth.

"Oh Trowa, hai, I will marry you!"

Duo and Relena moved forward, both grinning like idiots, and released Cathy. She jumped into Trowa's arms and kissed him. His eyes bugged out. They got married right then and there, Duo acting as preist, much to Heero and Wufei's disgust.

After they were pronounced man and wife, there was a general silence, before the entire big top broke into cheers.

And through it all, Relena felt the cold muzzle of a familiar pistol pressed into the small of her back.

"Now Relena, I hear you've been using my name again..."

And everyone agreed that it was the greatest show on (or off) earth.


(1) Quatre: *scratches his head* What's Circus Tech?

WSJ: *shrugs* Hell if I know... Clown school?

(2) WSJ: I'm going with the assumption that they aren't brother/sister here. Yes, I know Episode Zero hints otherwise, but yet again I'll say that I wrote these years before I knew about Episode Zero, okay?

(3) The heads/tails thing was taken directly from DragonBlond04's fic, This is the Waltz that Never Ends. I, however, added the part about it balancing on end and her using Yuy.


WSJ: That's it!

Next twisted tale of horror: Heero's Love: Whoever thought that a basketball game and a trip to a French resturant could make all the difference in the lives of Duo, Heero, and Relena? Mmmm, snails! (HYxRP, non-yaoi AS ALWAYS)