Sunday, September 12, 2010

Recycle That Unleashed Beast!

Last week, Jessica and Megan were carrying on about their supposed "messy desks."  On and on, they did carry.  One of them (or both?) posted a photo of their supposed "messy desk."  I barked a loud "arrrfff" at that one, because, like, you should have seen the marshland depths of my horrific quagmire of an office.  It was awful.  I was about to send them all a photo of the windowless basement abomination, that sometimes goes by "office," but decided to clean it instead.  Now look at it.  Ain't she a beaut?

'Cept I haven't vacuumed yet.

Cleaning the office, and showing it off to you all everybody, is not what this post is all about.  This post is about a certain book I found while cleaning out the bookcase.

Folks, it's September 2010.  And Spouse is hanging on to a programming companion for Windows 95.  Unleashed, nonetheless.  Unleashed.  Not caged up, as it should be, where it will be fed to the big green conveyor belt in the sky, and made into toilet paper.  This book should be Programming Windows 95, Recycled not Programming Windows 95, Unleashed. Incidentally, I know a lotta Mac people who would pay extra to wipe with the TP made from a Windows programming book.  This could very well be my ticket to millions.

Later, I broke some news to Spouse.  "Honey. This hasta go," said I, and handed him the book.
Total geek*, isn't he?  Even gots a vmware shirt on for the occasion.
*I heart geeks.

He cried and blubbered on about the awesomeness of programming with Windows 95.  How it would only compile when building, and then only if the syntax was correct.  If you have invalid syntax, the exe (rhymes with sexy) won't compile and the debugger might even tell you where your syntax errors are.  "Now Java," he cried on, "is a piece of crap.  It compiles upon execution, so you could ship stuff with syntax errors."  

I told him that Windows 95 made him a lazy programmer. Relying on some machine to tell him about his errors!  That's just plain lazy!  I told him that Windows 95 is old enough to bury in the software graveyard where Turbo Pascal and HP 9000 rest.  In pieces.  And then I told him that I'd be happy to notify him of his errors, all of 'em, since Javascript was failing to do so when necessary.  He declined that one for some reason.

Spouse spent the rest of our Friday night thumbing through that beastly book, and sighing in bithaven nostalgia.  That isn't all either.  During the night, I could have sworn that he woke, in a heated and amorous sweat, screaming "MORE!" and "IF!" and "THEN!" and "ELSE!"

I went to the kitchen for Nutella.



Sparks said...

I love so very much that I have the privilege of calling you my dear friend. I just commanded that Mark pause his show and read this. We agree: you're the kind to keep.

Jessica said...

There are so many things to love about this post. The talk about programming that makes no sense to me. The books with the "Used" sticker on them that clearly demonstrate that you still have books from college. The beautiful iMac. The geeky shirt on Spouse.

It's all pretty fantastic.

p.s. Recycle is spelled wrong in the title. I only tell you 'cause I know how much it bugs you.

Sparks said...

What, Jessica, the Tolkein on the shelf wasn't your real favorite part? You disappoint me.

rabidrunner said...

The title! I knew it looked wrong, but obviously not wrong enough. Thanks for the note. The Tolkein was for Jessica. I took two photos and chose the one with the Tolkein just for Jessica. There's a book written by Jimmy Carter book in there somewhere too.

The petulant ninny said...

Extra points if you can identify it

Jessica said...

Jimmy Carter wrote "The Hiding Place", didn't he? Or is it "The Rock that burns?" "Team of Rivals?"

How did I miss the Tolkien?! I think I was mesmerized by the "UNLEASHED" part of the Windows 95 book.

rjmatheson said...

How could you tear that book from his arms?!? I probably still have my copy (he can come read it anytime), right there next to a book on writing NLMs, something I didn't have to do until AFTER I left Novell. Spouse is right, though. Those were the days, although personally I preferred Windows 3.1. Although the compiler didn't find everything. I remember a certain tester who's office was next to mine who took great joy (or so it seemed) in pointing out the errors of my ways. Didn't phase me, though, 'cause it worked on my machine ;)

Carol said...

Do you want me to send Brett over with his big shredding truck to make SURE that book is gone forever??? :)

tom lindsey said...


Moe said...

Does this mean that my WP 5.1 for DOS manual has to go? Or my Office 3.1 manual? Say it ain't so!

bendone said...

too funny! Especially photo of rabid spouse.

radracer said...

Wow. That's one mighty tidy office. The cleaning crew complains about mine because the horizontal filing system interferes with their vacuuming.

And no, you can't have my 1963 'Design of Weldments' book to accompany 'Unleashed' to be recommissioned.

The petulant ninny said...

I believe we have a winner

rabidrunner said...

Sparks, xoxox.

RJM, I don't think "joy" is proper term for describing how I felt when I found a bug that you (or anyone) created. I think the proper term is "euphoria." Yip, that's it. I get euphoric over software bugs.

Carol, send him over. Or I could bring it up!

Tom, you're a super geek too! How on earth did you know that? Seriously...

Moe, yes it's time to get rid of it. Do you think you'll get something on ebay for it? Sheesh. Although you prolly have one of those signed copies like we used to do in the olden days.

Ben, you wanted a funny Spouse story, was that good enough?

Rad, 1963? That's even before your time. I guess civil engineering lacks the time variance that software is good at handing out.

rjmatheson said...

Euphoria? Wow! You must have enjoyed working with me more than I thought...