Your Stress, Sorted: 6 Expert Chill-Out Tips

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    What, to you, is the most stressful thing about London?
    "The crowds, especially on the non-air-conditioned London Underground in summer. Among other things, it becomes incredibly difficult to plan your time, because you've no idea how long it will take to get from place to place."

    What's the most apt or inspiring book you've encountered regarding coping with stress?
    "I really like The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. He shows that it's far more useful to learn to be able to feel the negative emotions associated with stress (and other predicaments) rather than trying to stamp them out. Trying to stamp out stressful thoughts leads to more stress instead."

    How do you deal with stress?
    "I like the technique the ancient stoic philosophers called "the premeditation of evils." Looking on the bright side is all very well, but sometimes it's more helpful to ask yourself how badly things could really go. If I'm running late for an appointment, for example, it's great to remember that it doesn't really matter that much. I mean, not like nuclear wars matter."

    What is your anti-stress motto?
    "The spiritual writer Eckhart Tolle suggests asking yourself "Do I have a problem now?" as in "right this moment?" Occasionally you really do. But almost all of the things I get stressed about are potential future events, or issues from the past. Right now, things are almost always fine."

    Where do you go to find moments of Zen in London?
    "The Barbican Centre, which is a great place to sit with a coffee and a notebook away from the noise. Not everyone loves the architecture — but since I go there precisely because I want to be where everyone else isn't, this is hardly a problem."

    Photo: Courtesy of Oliver Burkeman
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    Andy Puddicombe, mindfulness expert and founder of Headspace

    What sorts of things do Londoners tend to get most stressed about?
    "Londoners tend to get stressed about most things. Public transport and the weather are probably the most popular things for us to whinge about. That said, the "stiff upper lip" mentality still prevails and for many people stress is something which is often experienced and yet not always spoken about."

    What one thing could help cut down a person's stress level?
    "To pause for 10 minutes each day to get some "headspace." But don't take my word for it. Science has shown time and again that practicing meditation, sometimes called mindfulness, for as little as 10 minutes a day can have a significant impact on our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. For most people it is very different from what they expect and it tends to impact the entire day, rather than just the time you close your eyes. An easy way to start is with the Headspace App, which is free to download and available for all smartphones."

    Where are your favourite places to relax in London?
    "These days I'm lucky enough to live in LA and the beach is where I go to get some Zen. But whenever I'm back in London visiting the team, I always head for the royal parks. I tend to stay out east, so Victoria Park is a favourite. The Secret Garden in Regents Park is well worth a visit, too. And although it can be busy, there are some beautiful quiet corners in Hyde Park as well."

    Any other tips for reducing stress and anxiety?
    "In order to be well it's important we look after every aspect of our wellbeing. This can mean so many things: Looking after our mind, essentially training it on a daily basis with some calming meditation; getting some regular exercise, something which not only keeps us fit but which we actually enjoy; eating foods which promote a feeling of sustainable energy and comfort in the body; finding time to do something playful, something which makes you smile and laugh. So we can do all of these things to reduce stress and anxiety for ourselves. But funnily enough, it's when we turn our attention towards doing good things for others that stress has a really hard time to survive, because if we're not thinking about ourselves, what we have, what we don't have, what we want, what we don't want, then there is actually very little room for stress or anxiety to breathe."

    What's the biggest misconception about stress?
    "Without question it is that if we are experiencing stress, then either we are doing something wrong in not controlling the situation, or that life is being unfair in serving up the situation. Of course, neither is true. Stress is part of life and there is nothing wrong with experiencing emotions of any kind. The problem arises when we get too caught up in the thinking around the situation or are swept away by the emotions that arise when we get stressed. Training in mindfulness helps to prevent both of these things. As for life serving up challenges, although it can sometimes feel unfair, the truth is, it is always relative, and if we take a look around, we'll always find someone who has it worse, so judging it as fair or unfair is really not all that helpful at all. It's also worth mentioning that a certain amount of emotional drive and direction can be a very positive thing, especially if it is directed towards something useful, otherwise we just float around and don't really make the most of life."

    What's your anti-stress motto?
    "It is not the thing, it is the way in which the thing is perceived. This applies to any and every situation. It doesn't matter whether other people are involved or if we're on our own. It doesn't matter if it was something which could have been prevented or something out of our control. In any and every situation, we can choose how to relate to it and how to approach it. Sometimes it doesn't feel like this and before we train the mind it may feel as though we have no choice at all. But with regular practice, with daily mindfulness, this phrase quickly becomes a reality and we start to see the potential for experiencing life in a very different way."

    Photo: Courtesy of Headspace
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    Beth Reacher, life and career coach and founder of The Career Stylist

    What sort of issues tend to stress out London women the most?
    "Where do I begin!? I think as ambitious women living in the Big Smoke, we're prone to all kinds of stresses (and this is pretty much the case for most Western women dwelling in the big cities!) What I've noticed, especially with the clients I coach, is that the real "trigger" for stress is the feeling of not being or having enough, a feeling that is often roused when we fall into what I call "Comparison Catastrophe." In a nutshell, we end up comparing ourselves to everyone else who has that bit more of a better job, love life, success rate, and intelligence and end up feeling totally inadequate. This just piles on the stress to obtain more so we feel good about ourselves, but it's often driven by fear, which just isn't healthy. Professionally, we can put immense pressure on ourselves to get to that next big promotion and do it all right now because we feel there's not enough time. A common feeling is that we need to get to that level/salary before we can start to relax and enjoy life a bit more. On a more basic level, many of us are just overworked in our jobs because we find it hard to say no and draw boundaries, which means our work/life balance becomes dangerously off balance and stress takes over. Personally, we can fall into the trap of stressing whether we'll ever find "the one," going on a desperate dating binge, assuming everyone else we know is in domestic bliss with their other halves. We end up stressing about the future and what may or may not happen and ironically all it does is suck the joy out of the present!"

    What, in your opinion, are some great ways to combat work stress?
    "The thing that can make a big difference is simply prioritising time and space for you, every day. This is your time when you can let yourself just be and do whatever you feel like without judging your actions or doing something for something else. Just take the pressure entirely off and ask yourself "What do I want from this hour?" It could be a good phone catch-up with a friend, indulging in a long bath, reading a good book, or going for a run. The thing to remember is that we're all unique and each one of us will have ways of relieving stress that work better for us. There's no real wrong or right (that's when we just end up piling the pressure on again). I'm also a big fan of meditation. Sadly, there is still a fair bit of misunderstanding around meditation as it can be misinterpreted as being "out there," but it really is a wonderful tool to help you relax and let go of the mental, physical, and emotional stresses."

    What sort of questions should women ask themselves before starting a new job, to reduce future stress?
    "How much do I really want this? This is so simple and yet many of us find it so hard to ask ourselves this! Often we feel a sense of obligation to accept a job if its been put our way, especially if it's a promotion, but it's so vital you get honest with yourself and you're clear as to whether you really want it. Feeling unhappy and in the wrong job is much more of a thriving ground for stress than if you're engaged in what you're doing. Also, ask how you can create the best support system possible. The temptation when we start a new job is to want to impress and be hailed as some kind of superstar, assuming the way we do this is by tackling everything at full speed. Remember the best, most successful people are all about building teams and a support network to help them focus on the important stuff. Remembering you don't have to do it alone is an instant stress reliever! Create a clear mental picture of what success looks like. Stress can often creep in when we don't know what we're aiming for as we don't have anything to measure success against and work towards. Visualise what success looks like in your new job; what would you be doing, seeing, creating, saying? When we have a clear aim to guide us, we replace stress with clarity and structure. Finally, be honest with yourself! Recognise that in reality, there is going to be a little more stress when you start a new job simply because you are learning the ropes and starting from scratch. Remember everyone has to start somewhere and you'll be in a full confident swing before you know it. Ironically, if we give ourself permission to feel some stress we instantly aleviate it as we don't fall into that vicious cycle of beating ourselves up for feeling that way, something that only causes more stress! The key is to be compassionate with yourself."

    What is your anti-stress motto?
    "I take a couple of deep breaths and say to myself "LET GO." That just captures it perfectly for me. I let my shoulders relax and just imagine the thoughts floating away. It's also a powerful reminder that I have the choice whether to hold on or let go of whatever thoughts/feelings come my way and that ultimately, I'm the creator of my reality."

    Photo: Courtesy of Beth Reacher
  • David Waters, Relationship MOT therapist and faculty member at The School of Life

    Why do you think Londoners tend to be stressed out?
    "We have the longest working hours in Europe. We're bombarded with advertising and media which implores us to spend and have more. We're constantly comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves lacking in some way."

    What remedies do you suggest for tackling stress?
    "Breathing out slower than you breath in starts to lower your cortisol levels, which is the stress hormone."

    Where do you go to find Zen in the city?
    "I walk and run in my local park and have a daily yoga routine."

    What should someone do if it is their partner who is stressed? How can you be supportive without snapping?
    "Acknowledging that their partner is stressed in a non-judgmental way is crucial to not adding to your partner's stress. Finding pleasurable shared activities/game-playing/sports gives you quality time together away from the source of stress (particularly if it's work related)."

    Any apps or tools that you might suggest to help deal with stress?
    "I'm a great fan of turning off mobile apps and computers when stress is the issue. Music, of course, can be a great de-stressor. Flow activities (reading, crafts, cooking, exercise) are much more effective than slumping in front of the TV or hitting the bottle when it comes to stress."

    What's your anti-stress motto?
    "This will pass."

    Photo: Courtesy of The School of Life
  • Hadley Freeman, author of Be Awesome: Modern Life for Modern Ladies

    What, to you, are the most stressful things about living in London?
    "The traffic, the noise, the sheer tedium of public transport cancellations."

    What's your remedy for reducing stress?
    "Staying home, turning off the Internet, and getting into a bath (also, buying a motorbike so I no longer have to deal with Tube cancellations)."

    What book or film is guaranteed to help you chill out?
    "Book: Bridget Jones' Diary. Film: Ghostbusters."

    What spot in London would you escape to for a bit of peace and quiet?
    "Under a tree in Hyde Park, a yoga class at Jivamukti, or the massage table at Elemis Spa."

    What should women stop stressing about?
    "What other people think of them and the size of their bodies."

    What's your anti-stress motto?
    "Always walk on the sunny side of the street, but put on sunscreen first."

    Photo: Courtesy of Hadley Freeman
  • Neil Shah, director of The Stress Management Society and author of The 10-Step Stress Solution

    What are some of the most common stress-related complaints you come across?
    "The complaints related to stress can vary from problems sleeping, to weight loss or gain, substance abuse, digestive problems, allergies, musculoskeletal issues, heart problems, and even more serious issues. Stress affects your health in many ways. It affects the immune system, leaving you less resilient to illness, and it impacts the digestive system, higher brain function, sexual function, blood pressure, and blood sugar amongst many others."

    What are some of your most effective techniques for reducing stress?
    "When we get stressed our bodies are expecting physical activity as we have gone into a fight or flight state, so exercise is a very affective stress reliever. Slow, deep breaths are massively beneficial also. Yoga and meditation are fantastic tools. Walking in nature is also a perfect antidote to stress."

    What's the difference between "normal" stress and stress that should perhaps be alleviated with the help of a professional?
    "Stress was given to us by nature for a very good reason, as it is a survival mechanism. It was designed to equip us to do whatever is necessary to either fight the threat or run to safety. In modern life we can use it for sports, dealing with accidents or emergencies, or even running for a bus or a train. When it gets too much is when it become a problem. Also if we get stressed and there is no outlet for it, over time it will have a cumulative effect and damage your health and wellbeing. When it has got to the stage where you are struggling with daily challenges of life, it is important to seek professional help."

    What's your anti-stress motto?
    "You don’t always have control over what happens to you, however you have total control over how you react and respond to the stresses of daily life."

    Photo: Courtesy of Neil Shah