
Freddie Clamp


Usain Bolt - The New Anna Kournikova?

Posted: 07/05/2012 00:00

Usain Bolt is the best ever, Anna Kournikova wasn't - just to clear that up before people get on their high horses and start to make references to athletic ability. I have no intention to compare their relative skill levels in the respective disciplines, but as a certain Mr Robert Bräutigam recently mooted, Usain Bolt is starting to mirror certain aspects of Kournikova. Predominately their quite frankly nauseating use of fame.

Anna Kournikova was notorious for the flaunting of her body and became the pin-up girl of tennis. Fortunately for Anna her distinct lack of talent in the playing sense was more than made up for in other areas. She has made millions from her good looks - fair play to the lass. Such was her fame in the early 2000s that a computer virus was named after her, perhaps this was a better achievement than any of her tennis exploits?

Moving to the fastest man in the world, the man's a hero, right? If we are to look objectively at the charismatic Jamaican we all would acknowledge that he is the finest sprinter to have ever graced our planet. We would also note that he has been a phenomenal ambassador for his sport. Yet, he is a barely credible actor and a woeful rap artist.

Many of you will have seen Bolt fronting Virgin's advertising campaigns; he is mimicking Richard Branson with his dyed hair and beard. If you are not wooed by Virgin's less than tactful marketing then at least you will find it hard to suppress a giggle at Usain Bolt's quite frankly ridiculous appearance. Only Djbril Cisse can pull off that type of blonde facial hair, period.

If the Virgin advert wasn't bad enough, then his latest single, Faster Than Lightning certainly is. Music fans out there - try not to faint. Some of the lyrics include:
- 'I need to go faster, I need to work harder, I need to keep driving to the finish.'

- 'No matter who you are, no matter what you're doing, you're not gonna catch me, you're not gonna beat me.'

- 'When I hit the top speed I turn on the afterburner.'

Sheer hilarity, wouldn't you agree?

I pray that Usain Bolt is smart enough, or indeed his management are, that he doesn't tarnish his image as the greatest athlete of all time by such superficial ideas. Fortunately, however, he has at least brought something to the world of sport.


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