Gov. Sam Brownback of Kansas is set to sign a bill imposing modest restrictions on abortion, Reuters reports: "The bill prevents employees of abortion clinics from providing sex education in schools, bans tax credits for abortion services and requires clinics to give details to women about fetal development and abortion health risks. It also bans abortions based solely on the [sex] of the fetus."

But as the Associated Press reports, abortion proponents are especially exercised about a provision "declaring that life begins 'at fertilization' "

Talcott Camp, deputy director of the ACLU's Reproductive Freedom Project, said the language could eventually "open the door to extreme interpretation of other laws. It provides something that future bill sponsors would point to, and say, 'This is already Kansas law.' "

Holly Weatherford, another ACLUer, frets that the stipulation could "be used as a tool of harassment."

Hey Holly, did you know the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary? Just kidding, it's there, as we noted in October. You know what else is there? "Fertilization." Here's Merriam-Webster's definition 2(b), the relevant one for this discussion: "the process of union of two gametes whereby the somatic chromosome number is restored and the development of a new individual is initiated."

This is basic reproductive biology. The assertion that life begins at fertilization is a tautology. Camp and Weatherford might as well be objecting to a legislative finding that A is A or 2+2=4 or a tautology is true by definition.

So why do they find the declaration so discomfiting? Because abortion would be easier to justify if one were ignorant of basic reproductive biology. If one imagines gestation as a process in which an inanimate lump of matter, or a part of the mother's body, or a parasite (which by definition is an organism of a different species) grows for months before spontaneously generating an independent identity, then it is hard to formulate a moral objection to abortion prior to the moment at which spontaneous generation occurs.

Abortion is morally fraught because we know that's not how it works. The moment human sperm meets human egg, a new human organism comes into existence. To acknowledge that basic truth is not to resolve the abortion debate, merely to assure that it is based on scientific fact. The rest of the debate is about values and practical questions: At what developmental point between zygote and adult does a human being acquire rights, especially the right not to be killed? If that point is before birth, how does one weigh the mother's competing rights claims? (Or the father's, for that matter, though our current legal regime grants him none even if he is married to the mother.) Apart from morality, what are the real-world consequences of regulating abortion in particular ways, or of not doing so?

If your goal is to maximize sexual freedom, then it's expedient to answer the abortion question in the most permissive way possible. We suppose in that case simply defying science and logic, as Camp and Weatherford do, is a tempting shortcut. But when your position depends on denying a tautology, you may find it a difficult one to defend.

Trying to make sense of liberationist doubletalk. Getty Images

This is only one of three examples we noticed over the weekend of sexual liberationists doing violence to language and logic. National Review's Wesley Smith notes that in California, "legislation has been filed that would require group insurance to cover gay and lesbian infertility treatments just as they do heterosexual."

In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. That was a value judgment more than a scientific one--an early sign of a cultural shift toward viewing homosexuality as a normal variation of human behavior rather than a manifestation of sickness or evil. As to the scientific question of what combination of nature, nurture and volition gives rise to homosexuality, the jury is still out 40 years later.

But one indisputable fact about homosexual behavior is that it cannot result in reproduction. Thus "gay and lesbian infertility" is either a redundancy or an oxymoron, like "female impotence" or "male hypolactation." As Smith explains in The Weekly Standard, the proposal would mean that "every gay individual or couple . . . could be construed as infertile, with group insurance required to pay for the individual or couple to have a child."

Since "infertility" is inherent in homosexuality, what California is proposing to do is once again define homosexuality as a disease--not in order to stigmatize gays but in order to subsidize them.

Our third example comes from, which noted that on Friday MSNBC host Chris Hayes criticized the Obama administration for its decree--reversed last week by a federal judge--that only adults (and possibly 17-year-olds) may purchase the morning-after contraceptive known as Plan B over the counter:

Hayes: There is normal politics and then there's crazy vagina politics. . . . Watch this. You're going to see two clips of the same president talking about science and medicine from two different political universes. The first is the normal political universe. The second is a crazy vaginal political universe.
Obama: To ensure that in this new administration, we base our public policies on the soundest science. That we appoint scientific advisers based on their credentials and experience, neither politics or ideology. And that we are open and honest with the American people about the science behind our decisions. That's how we will harness the power of science to achieve our goals.
Obama (second clip): As the father of two daughters, I think it is important for us to make sure that, you know, we apply some common sense to various rules when it comes to over-the-counter medicine. And as I understand it, the reason Kathleen [Sebelius] made this decision, was she could not be confident that a 10-year-old or an 11-year-old going to a drugstore should be able, alongside bubble gum or batteries, be able to buy a medication that potentially if not used properly could end up having an adverse effect.
Hayes: Here have you a reasonable pro-science administration making an explicitly, well, know-nothing, Archie Bunker-style argument, because the issue at hand is teenage girls' sex lives. Even though this administration has no general, ideological, or political commitment to control young women's sex lives, because the politics in this country get crazy around women having sex. Simple as that.

Well, hang on just a second. The issue here isn't women having sex; since 2006 the Food and Drug Administration has permitted over-the-counter sales of Plan B to anyone over 18. The issue is children having sex.

If Hayes had said "the politics in this country get crazy around children having sex," he would have had an interesting point, one that goes beyond tiresome feminist cant. There is, when you think about it, a notable disparity between the ideology of sexual liberationism that dominates elite culture and leftist legal and political analysis and the desire to protect children from growing up too fast.

The 15-year-old who Hayes thinks should be able to buy Plan B over the counter, for example, is almost certainly (though the laws vary from state to state) a victim of rape. Does Hayes think laws against sex with minors are the product of "crazy vagina politics"? Falsely identifying the Plan B question as involving "women having sex" enables him to avoid thinking about this rather more difficult question.

It's worth noting that the left has its own rigid prescriptions regarding the sexual behavior of young people, even adults. As we saw last week, feminists--the group to whom Hayes is pandering with his puerile "vagina" talk--get crazy at the thought of adult women, even those well into their 20s, getting married.

While that's silly, it seems to us there is fairly broad agreement that a completely unregulated sexual marketplace would be bad for minors. If one looks past the rhetorical and logical deceptions of the liberationists, one may find the clarity to ask if it's necessarily all that good for adults.

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

  • "So, say, 35 outfits--jacket, skirt, shoes, the whole shebang--which seems like an awful lot. At $150,000, that would be $4,285 each. I'm on the Neiman Marcus site now, and I'm having a hard time managing to spend that much. Here's a lovely Armani Collezioni asymmetric jersey jacket ($1,635), white blouse ($775) and classic pencil skirt (a bargain at $475). Throw in a pair of Christian Louboutin Simple 100 Pumps--I found them online at Saks for $575--and you're still not there. . . . All of which leads to an update of the governor's famous convention quip. What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a pit bull? Lipstick and $150,000 worth of designer clothes."--Ruth Marcus, Washington Post website, Oct. 22, 2008
  • "For female politicians, the issue of looks is more complicated. They must learn to navigate the treacherous line between looking good (a plus) and looking sexy (dangerous), being attractive without being distracting.A female politician is, inevitably, going to devote more attention to her appearance than is her male counterpart. Inevitably, because voters--female and male--are going to pay more attention to her clothes, or whether she's gained (or lost) a few pounds, or whether she is, in [President] Obama's words, 'the best-looking attorney general in the country.' [Kamala] Harris no doubt took pains with her hair and makeup before heading to the fundraiser where the president made those remarks. But it is simultaneously true that the role of attractiveness, especially when it comes to women in politics, remains the phenomenon that dare not speak its name."--Ruth Marcus, Washington Post, April 8, 2013

Butting Heads
A New York Times op-ed writer's grievance over a headline has found its way into the news pages of the Times. Roberto Zurbano, editor of a publishing house in Cuba, wrote a piece for the Times last month about racial discrimination by the island's communist regime. He may or may not have been sacked from his job, which brings us to the dispute:

Reached by telephone in Havana, Mr. Zurbano would not comment on his employment. "What is The New York Times going to do about it?" he asked. He angrily condemned the editors of the opinion section for a change in the headline that he felt had distorted his theme.
The article's headline, which was translated from Spanish, was "For Blacks in Cuba, the Revolution Hasn't Begun," but Mr. Zurbano said that in his version it had been "Not Yet Finished."
"They changed the headline without consulting me," he said. "It was a huge failure of ethics and of professionalism."
Eileen Murphy, a spokeswoman for The Times, said the editor stood by the article's preparation.
"We worked very hard to ensure that the wording in the piece was translated properly and accurately reflected the writer's point of view," she said in a statement. "There were numerous versions of the piece sent back and forth, and in the end, Mr. Zurbano and our contact for him (who speaks fluent English) signed off on the final version."
"We knew," she added, "that Mr. Zurbano was in a sensitive situation, and we are saddened if he has indeed been fired or otherwise faced persecution, but we stand by our translation and editing, which was entirely along normal channels."

What neither Murphy nor the reporter, Randal Archibold, spells out is what she means by "normal channels." In our experience (editing op-eds for The Wall Street Journal for four years and before that having published a few, including one in the Times), editors write the headlines and writers do not get to sign off on them.

On occasion this will lead to after-publication disputes in which the writer feels the headline is not true to his meaning or is otherwise objectionable. The Zurbano case would seem to be one in which, in retrospect, the editors would have been well advised to consult the writer about the headline given the sensitivity of his position. But their failure to do so cannot be described as "a huge failure of ethics and of professionalism."

The Times, however, does Zurbano a disservice in not spelling this out--in not making clear that (as we surmise) his account of the facts is accurate.

Two Papers in One!

  • "The soundest approach is to recognize same-sex marriage broadly as a matter of equality under the Constitution. . . . Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people have been seeking the freedom to live openly, to be treated equally and to marry as they choose. . . . "--editorial, New York Times, March 26
  • "Closets, Please, and the Bigger the Better"--headline, Real Estate section, New York Times, April 7

Fox Butterfield, Is That You?

  • "Airlines See Fuller Flights Despite Rise in Complaints"--headline, Wichita Eagle, April 8
  • "Thatcher was the first--and still only--female prime minister in Britain's history. But she often found feminists tiresome."--Gregory Katz and Robert Barr, Associated Press, April 8

We Blame George W. Bush

  • "Rising Number of Divorces Blamed on Wives' Drinking"--headline,, April 5
  • "Mayor Bloomberg Tees Off, Hints Gov. Cuomo Partly to Blame for Albany Circus"--headline, WCBS-TV website (New York), April 5

Fog in Channel, Continent Cut Off
"Margaret Thatcher's Legacy on Gay Rights"--headline,, April 8

Do Women Know About Shrinkage?
"Obama: 'The Truth Is, Our Deficits Are Already Shrinking' "--headline,, April 6

At Their Age, Who Can Even Remember All Those Numbers?
"Why Aging Baby Boomers Don't Explain Jobs Numbers"--headline, Bloomberg, April 5

We Were Afraid She'd Run Into the Door
"Chelsea Clinton Opens Door to Run"--headline,, April 8

With DNC in Mind, City Bans Carrying Urine, Feces
"Hillary Clinton 2016 Speculation: The Week It Moved From Trickle To Stream"--headline, Puffington Host, April 6

Worst Thanksgiving Ever
"Kerry Struggles to Get Turkey to Mend Israel Ties"--headline, Associated Press, April 7

Please Don't Let It Be Larry Craig
"Ex-Senator Is Tempted by Neighbor"--headline, New York Times, April 6

So Much for the War on Drugs
"Spending Mushrooms in New 'Political Ecosystem' "--headline, Associated Press, April 6

Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead
"Lyndon Johnson Still a No-Show at the White House Egg Roll"--headline, Washington Post website, April 4

Longest Books Ever Written
"Johns Hopkins's and Planned Parenthood's Troubling Extremism"--headline, Washington Post, April 6

Shortest Books Ever Written
"Taking Alec Baldwin Seriously"--headline, The Wall Street Journal, April 5

At Least We Don't Have to Worry About the Cost of Dementia
"The Cost of Dementia: Worse Than We Thought"--headline,, April 5

Anything We Can Do, You Can Do Better?

  • "We men just make bad decisions. We can't help it. We're men. Women, on the other hand, do almost everything better."--David Weidner,, June 14, 2011
  • "Woman Commissioned Grandson to Kill His Grandfather: Authorities"--headline, Chicago Sun-Times, April 6, 2013

Life Imitates 'Saturday Night Live'

  • Joy: "Gee, Sparky's been acting dull and listless lately. I just don't know what's wrong with him." Jill: "My dog Skippy used to be like that, until I found out about Puppy Uppers. Puppy Uppers pep up your pooch, plus, they help control his weight."--"Puppy Uppers/Doggie Downers" commercial parody, aired Nov. 13, 1976
  • "Dogs Should Be Given Medical Marijuana Too Says One Veterinarian Who 'Dosed' His Own Pooch"--headline, Daily Mail (London), April 6

'If Only You Knew About the Power of the Dark Side'
"Fired Officers Have Avenues Back to the Force"--headline, Omaha World-Herald, April 8

Were They Gaye Marriages?
"Grapevine Man Went to Great Lengths to Cover Up Dual Marriages"--headline, Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Texas), April 7

Pour Servir L'Homme
"France Grills Men Deported From Pakistan"--headline, United Press International, April 5

He Sees You When You're Sleeping
"North Pole Man Acquitted of Kidnapping"--headline, Anchorage Daily News, April 6

The Lonely Lives of Scientists
"Sea Lion Has Rhythm, to Scientists' Surprise"--headline,, April 5

Look! Up in the Sky! It's a Bird . . . It's a Pla--Oh, Look! A Squirrel!
"An Aerial Salute to Squirrel Week 2013"--headline, Washington Post, April 7

Hey, Kids! What Time Is It?
"Jobs Report is Cliché Time at the White House"--headline,, April 5

Questions Nobody Is Asking
"How Much Does Chuka Umunna Want You to Call Him the new Barack Obama?"--headline,, April 8

Look Out Below!
"Mont. Man Hopes for $500 Dog Dropping Reimbursement"--headline, Associated Press, April 8

It's Always in the Last Place You Look

  • "Pork Found in Ikea's Moose Lasagna"--headline, Associated Press, April 6
  • "Polynesian DNA Mysteriously Shows Up in a Brazilian Tribe"--headline,, April 5

Too Much Information
"Holding it, I felt potent. But also anxious, even panicked, with a new grasp of how much could go wrong."--Frank Bruni, New York Times, April 7

News of the Tautological
"In Pitkin County, Property Values Are Up, Down or Flat"--headline, Aspen (Colo.) Times, April 8

Breaking News From 965 B.C.E.
"Happy 65th Birthday, Israel!*"--headline, Puffington Host, April 6

Breaking News From 1945
"Progress on Okinawa"--headline, New York Times, April 6

Breaking News From 1972
"US Won't Be Returning to Moon, NASA Chief Says"--headline,, April 8

Bottom Stories of the Day

  • "Nebraska's Slow Wildfire Year So Far Means Little"--headline, Omaha World-Herald, April 8
  • "One Person Says Hillary Clinton's No Shoo-In"--headline,, April 8

Take Time Out to Savor the Awfulness
Occasionally a reader will send us a link to a piece of writing whose author, in the reader's view, challenges our designation of the New York Times's Thomas Friedman as the Worst Writer in the English Language. Because we're such a nice guy, we won't name the writers in question. Usually, though, they're just poor writers--people who for whatever reason manage to get college-newspaper-quality material published in major outlets.

Friedman is different. His writing isn't just poor or unimaginative or (dare we say it) flat. It's amazingly, complicatedly bad. An example is yesterday's offering, in which he argues that America has "wasted a five-year timeout from geopolitics."

The metaphor seems straightforward enough, right? One may quibble with the premise, that the past few years have spared America any major international crisis. But stipulating it for the sake of argument, it's hard to disagree with Friedman's list of hot spots that could ignite at any time: North Korea, Iran, Egypt, Syria, Europe:

If any one of these red lines, let alone all of them together, get crossed, we will rue the day that we did not use these last five years to make our own economy more resilient. After all, in sports, timeouts are when you catch your breath, try to make sense of what is coming at you at high speed, figure out what has been working and what has not, design a play to win the game and then collaborate on its execution.

That last sentence is 47 words. Surely even Friedman's readers know enough about sports that they don't need the word "timeout" defined. And if they do, it's far down enough in the column that they're already hopelessly confused.

What kind of sport does Friedman have in mind, anyway? In the next paragraph, he writes: "We're now driving around without a bumper and a spare tire, just when the world seems poised to turn into a crash 'n' smash derby." We think he means a "demolition derby." We'll admit we are not an aficionado of that particular sport, and readers who are will correct us if we're wrong, but if you need a bumper and a spare tire, haven't you already pretty much lost the game?

Two more paragraphs and he introduces another sport: "Then there is the Russian president, Vladimir Putin--the man who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple, because his country has so much oil and gas."

"Born on third base and thinks he hit a triple" is not a bad turn of phrase. Of course it isn't Friedman's. It's generally attributed to either football coach Barry Switzer or Jim Hightower, the leftist former Texas agriculture commissioner. (The latter was referring to the first President Bush.)

In any case, it comes from baseball. That's right, in a column whose central metaphor is a "timeout," Friedman mentions a sport that has no clock.

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(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to William Thode, Tim Magee, Michele Schiesser, Irene DeBlasio, Andrew Rokala, Michael Segal, Abraham Oseroff, Richard Belzer, T. Young, David Gerstman, Bob Wukitsch, Dave Ceely, Eric Jensen, John Bobek, Kyle Kyllan, Miguel Rakiewicz, Dave Mason, Zack Russ, Brian Warner, Daniel Mullen, John Sanders, Robert Kay, Rod Pennington, Chris Papouras, Jim Criswell, Monty Krieger, Michael Smith, Chuck Kasinger, Jerry Skurnik and David Hallstrom. If you have a tip, write us at, and please include the URL.)