Q: I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about five months. We were sexually active. He would hold me in bed at night. Our sex was so good, and he would whisper dirty things in my ear while having intercourse with me. At first I was scared of this, but it seems as soon as I got used to it and it started turning me on, he just stopped abruptly.

He used to tell me how much he liked my body, but now he doesn't say anything. I feel like I have done something wrong and that I don't turn him on anymore, but he says I do. We might have sex only two or three times per month. Also, he is always watching porn on the Internet. I really am in love with him, and I cry in the closet because I don't know what to do.

A: I wish I could give you a definitive answer, but all I can offer are some maybes. For example, maybe once you started liking having him talk dirty, it scared him in some way. Or maybe he's one of those men who need to treat their women badly, and once you started liking it, rather than continue, he took this pleasure away from you.

That you cry in the closet tells me that you won't cry in front of him, and that doesn't sound like a loving relationship. But I don't know enough to say for sure. I'd ask your friends what they think. You may be blinded by love, but if your friends, after hearing more of the details, think he's rotten, then I'd listen to them and leave him. On the other hand, if your friends say to try something else, then listen carefully to what they have to say. But you have to do something, because you can't go through life hiding in the closet to cry.

Q: I am a 50-year-old female who has started dating a 65-year-old gentleman with ED. How can I please him sexually when Viagra, Cialis or Levitra doesn't work?

A: Is he very disappointed in this? The only solution that I know is for him to have a penis implant, which would enable him to pump up his penis with liquid when he desires an erection. It's not a very complicated procedure, but of course he'd have to consult with a urologist. If for whatever reason he doesn't want to undergo this procedure, then I'm afraid there's not much you can do. Hopefully giving you pleasure is something that he is willing to do.

Q: I used to orgasm regularly while on top during intercourse, and during the past year and a half, I have not been able to climax once. I still can reach orgasm through oral sex; however, during intercourse, climaxing now seems impossible.

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What could be the reason for the sudden stop in having orgasms?

I have not experienced any stress, and I am in a monogamous relationship.

A: It could be that after being in a relationship for a certain amount of time, sex has become a little less arousing, and that could be causing this effect.

Or it could be that because it has happened a few times, you now worry about it, and that could be the source.

Or maybe you feel you've put on a little weight and don't like being so exposed when you're on top, and that's distracting your mind.

As you can see, there are a lot of possible reasons.

My advice is to forget about trying to have an orgasm during intercourse for a while — a month or so — and then try again.

Maybe after taking that break, while still having orgasms from oral sex, you'll regain this ability.

Q: Fifteen years ago I met this girl in middle school, and I fell in love with her instantly. For five years I wanted to ask her out, but my timing was terrible. We both then went our separate ways. Now, 10 years later, we met up at the airport because she had a layover. We'd spoken off and on throughout the years, and I told her how I'd felt a few years back. She'd broken up with her fiance a few weeks earlier, and my marriage is on the rocks.

We had dinner, and eventually the conversation came up as to how much I love her after all these years, and she said it back to me. We kissed.

After she left I wrote to her telling her how I felt and how I want her in my life but respecting the fact that she is hurting now. When we talked, though, she kept pushing the conversation away from me being with her. I could use some advice.

A: You've waited all these years, so the first thing I'd advise you to do is have some patience. But I'd also advise you not to drop the ball, assuming your marriage really is on the rocks, as you say, which to me means that a split is imminent. Don't let another 10 years slip by, but keep after her — though gently, since she is emotionally troubled right now.

And if your marriage is going to end, then you must be honest with your wife. If you've exaggerated how bad your marriage is, trying to justify that you want to fall into the arms of this other woman, then you'd better reassess matters, and pronto. If your marriage can be saved, that's your first duty, but if it's beyond repair, then do whatever it takes to win the heart of this other woman.

Q: Is there truth in the concept that a lack of breastfeeding as a child leads to an addictive personality in sex? As in sexual addiction from not receiving the mother's care and nurturing?

A: Do I believe that not having a mother who cares for a child affects the child's later personality? Yes. But a woman not breastfeeding her infant would not cause any problems, as long as the child is getting fed. A baby needs nutrition, but it doesn't really matter to a baby whether he or she is sucking a nipple or a bottle. Babies also need attention, and if a baby is neglected in that respect, it will have a negative effect, but I can't say whether that effect would be an addictive personality.

Q: I am 65 years old. It has taken me many years to truly reach orgasm during intercourse. Now I am finding that as I near orgasm, my vagina contracts, but I also push down, releasing some stool. My husband is so turned off that he no longer wants sex. I am so embarrassed and heartbroken. My self-esteem has plummeted. Is there anything I can do?

A: You won't release any stool if there's nothing to release, so do whatever it takes to make sure that your bowel is empty before sex. Make sure you are getting enough fiber, and perhaps take some stool softener so that when you do have a bowel movement, you are completely empty. If you can do that, you should no longer encounter this problem. You should speak to your doctor to confirm this advice.


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