September 25, 2019

Learning To Keep My Cool And Remain Calm & Collected

It's far too easy for me to lose my temper. And it's a very frustrating thing to live with. I'd rather breath and remember that I'll get through it instead of jumping off the deep end. But, this is a skill I have yet to master. I blow up before I think straight and after all is said and done, I feel regret and the need to apologize for my outburst. It brings a lot of shame and embarrassment into my life. And a lot of tears... But I was born this way. And although I'm trying to make it better, it will likely take my entire lifetime.

I know I can be a bit dramatic sometimes. I can't explain why I get lost in the atmosphere. But once I snap out of it, I return to myself. Then I have to clean up the mess I've made or learn to live with it. Whether it be at work, with friends and family, or in the context of a personal relationship. I often find myself wishing I hadn't _Fill In The Blank_.

I want to learn to maintain better control over my emotions. It's not attractive when anxiety gets the best of me. I need to slow down, catch my breath and take a time-out. I should think about my reaction for five minutes, or a few hours -even a day or two, before communicating my feelings. I have to stop making assumptions and ask questions or say what I really mean. I have to ask for help when I need it before I'm too overwhelmed to handle what's on my plate.

I can't take back what I've said once it's out there. I can't undo the breakdown of a panic attack once it's started. I can't control what's happening around me once I'm outside of my comfort zone. I can, however, learn to make better decisions in the moment and stay strong in my will to remain calm.

I often don't ask questions because I might not like the answers. I rarely get what I want because I don't share my needs and I accept being under appreciated. I end up angry with others for taking advantage of me and I overreact. All of which could be avoided. Because I realize it's my own fault for being so passive in the first place.

I'm trying to understand that life isn't always fair. I want to learn how to live courageously. I need to just keep moving on no matter how much anxiety tells me to break down. I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I want to believe in myself more. And demand what I deserve instead of waiting for it to come to me. I am a resilient woman. When all else fails me, I adapt.

My anxiety appears as anger and frustration to others. It's really not what it seems. I just need to breath deeply and plug my ears to get through it. I am desperate to repress the habits of thinking out loud and reacting aggressively. The people around me don't need to be affected by what I am dealing with on the inside.

So, that's what I'm working on lately and it's woven into every aspect of my life. Some people are better able to stay calm during intense moments. Others need a bit of help keeping their cool. A friendly reminder from those around them. Well, I've had enough reminders lately and it's time I make myself more tolerable to others when I'm in the midst of an internal struggle. For everyone's sake.

Content And Loving Myself,


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