Imaginary numbers

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When imaginary numbers were first introduced they were not well received.



Algebra and Bacon leading to a decrease in French Toast exports




An imaginary number[edit]

Removed by the Society for the Preservation of Enough Laughing Llamas



These numbers should really never have existed, but it is because mathematicians have far too much time on their hands, that they made these up. Most mathematicians fantasize far too much, and it would be better for them to learn practical skills like novel writing and gardening and getting girlfriends for their nerdy selves, as that would limit the damage that is done to their brains. Well, unless their girlfriends (boyfriends?) are blonde, which may cause them to catch Severe Stupidity Syndrome.

The Unit Formerly Known As <latex>\sqrt{-1}</latex>[edit]


Relation between the imaginary unit and drinking[edit]

It has been proved[citation needed] that there is a relation between the imaginary unit <latex>i = \sqrt{-1}</latex> and drinking alcohol. The connection wasn't known until the late 20th century, when Russian mathematicians were studying the effect of vodka on woodchucks, and discovered what will later be known as "the theorem of the drunk woodchuck".

The theorem states that, given a sufficiently large quantity of alcohol, drinking it is equivalent to multiplying your perception of reality by the number <latex>i</latex>. That briefly explained means that you stop perceiving the objects around you as real, and conversely, begin to believe that the products of your imagination are actually real. Unfortunately, you would discover that everything in your new reality is not exactly as you imagined it, and the things are rather upside-down and your experience is exactly the opposite as it should have been.

Stated mathematically, this means that, if <latex>x</latex> is the reality, and <latex>y</latex> is the immense world of your imagination, than your perception of it when you're sober will be <latex>z = x+iy</latex> and when drunk it would get distorted as <latex>iz = ix - y</latex>. The transformation <latex>C_2H_5OH(z) = iz</latex> is known as excessive drinking function or ethanol transformation, and studying it as an analytic function has resulted in huge advances in the study of the effects of alcohol on people.

You can also notice the ethanol transformation describes a simple rotation of the perception of reality plane by <latex>\pi</latex>. Due to the irrational value of the perception rotation, it can cause a buffer overflow of reality to occur, which can lead to various unpleasant effects, ranging from security compromises and exploitation of the person experiencing the transformation to a major crash and complete destruction of his life.

Because of the difficulties of understanding the real value of the irrational figure, there are a few schools of thought, which utilize non-standard values for <latex>\pi</latex>. Notable example of this is the value <latex>3</latex> used in the Bible. The use of non-standard values leads to even less understanding of the complexity of the ethanol transformation and to even more unexplained effects for those who try to experience the transformation with the non-standard values hard-coded. That's the reason why the excessive drinking function is not much popular there. It's also the reason why alcohol is rarely served on 22 July, the Pi Approximation Day.

The first derivative of the Ethanol Transformation, which is also incorrectly known as the Vinegar Function, is constant, meaning that the effect of the alcohol is distributed evenly along the plane of all perceptions of reality. The fact that the Vinegar Function has a value <latex>i</latex> for any perception of reality <latex>z</latex>, is the reason for the imaginary unit to be also sometimes called "the alcohol effect".

Imaginary apples[edit]

Imaginary numbers are very simple. Let's say that you have one imaginary tree, with one imaginary apple. If this imaginary apple falls on your head, you have been hitting the imaginary vodka too hard and you're imagining gravity which is mathematically equal to <latex>-9.81</latex>m/s^2 Simple.

Controversy surrounding imaginary numbers[edit]



Education watchdog group wants atheism out of mathematics

Wichita, Kansas, September 5, 1999





Traditional mathematicians point out that this section denies the existence of any numbers besides the integers, and that the world's economy depends on rational numbers to account for cents. This turned out to be another sensitive issue with the faithful, and in a telephone interview CCAE spokesman Bo Jangles angrily replied that "the term rational number is insulting to Christians of all denominations. There is nothing irrational in looking to the Bible for mathematical guidance. What is irrational is burning in hell forever just because of so-called fractions."

Jangles's main concern however, was complex numbers, and he declared CCAE to be worried.


Kansas State University Mathematics Department chairman, Hrundi V Bakshi commented on the petition saying "[These people] are kooks who know nothing about mathematics and want to pass laws to make sure no one else knows anything. Complex number theory is the basis of science and that won't change even if Kansas decides to return to the Stone Age." The Board of Education declined official comment on the petition, however Dennis Clapp, a past board member, said "It's important to clean up our schools and get back to basics, leaving out atheistic math and evolution. We owe it to the kids."

Imaginary numbers in the future[edit]

