Sunday Morning, 3:15 am


Can’t sleep.  Yesterday was a really tough pain day from the tumor in my collarbone and neck.  The pain pills refused to provide any relief, until near bed time.  Then I don’t sleep soundly because each time I move I’m waiting for the surge of pain but then relish that it isn’t there!

My cousins’my aunt, and two of their kids came out to visit for a couple hours yesterday afternoon.  It is always great to spend time with family you have a history with.  They are twins, 2 years older, and have been the biggest influence in my life.  Every funny, happy memory I have growing up, revolves around that family.  Cancer has not escaped them either.  Their dad, my uncle, and my mom’s older brother, died from melanoma and prostate cancer in 2006.  He fought 9 hard years and if he had just went to a dr earlier for both, he would still be alive today, especially with all the new advances.  He was only 63.  Six weeks after I was diagnosed, in 2010, My cousin Meg was also diagnosed with stage 1-2 invasive ductal carcinoma.  She went to Sloan Kettering, and only had to have a lumpectomy with a sentinal node removed.  There was no lymph node involvement, and she has been cancer free since 2011, after going through chemo and radiation, as precautions.

It isn’t easy hearing of family and friends who get this disease.  My heart breaks for them knowing what they will go through.  It is also hard for me when their cancer is no where serious as mine, or seeing the treatments that I have tried work brilliantly for them, but do nothing for me.  I am only human I guess, and though I really try not to ask why?, I admit that lately it has gotten harder to not ask that.

This week we lost a country music singer named Joey Feek to ovarian cancer.  Joey would be best known from her and her husbands Overstock commercials.  He always had on overalls and was playing the guitar, singing to her.  She was beautiful. with long brown hair, and a voice that blended with her love’s seemlessly.  Joey was diagnosed 2 years ago, shortly after the birth of her youngest girl, who was born with Down’s Syndrome.  She made it her goal to fight her stage 4 cancer so she could see her youngest turn 2.  She reached that goal recently, and made the brave choice to end treatment and go in peace.  She passed away 3 nights ago with her husband Rory by her side.

I was shocked to even hear she was sick on Monday.  I had not seen or heard of it on the news or social media, until the end.  I had just been seeing their commercials again on TV which brought her name to mind when I saw a clip on Yahoo!  She was only 40, and I believe she has 4 young children.  It upset me a lot because of what I am going through, and because I looked at this another wasted death from a cancer we should know more about.  Ovarian cancer is one of the least known about cancers in women’s health.  There are no symptoms for early detection.  The best you can hope for is to have a family history which would allow you to be screened, have breast or colon cancer and get screened for the braca 1&2 gene, or pay for a private screening on your own.  By the time the disease is detected, it is in the advance stages, and rarely able to go into remission.  Available therapies are not effective and while they may provide some time, the quality of life is not there.  There is so much wasted beauracracy and money in big pharma and this government.  Possible treatments, and even cures wait years to get to a dying public, and sometimes I think they deliberately are withholding the cures so they can make more money on the treatments.  Let’s face it, in this country, the unhealthy make them billions, and if that were to end, where would the big cushy salaries come from?

Don’t mind me, I’m just a terminally ill cancer patient, who has more onmy mind than sleep and I’m a bit cranky waiting for the next dose of pain killers to kick in.

Thanks for following, for your constant support, and if you have any questions, or comments, please share them with me.  XO

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