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73 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Q: What do you call a frenchman marching into Bagdad?

A: A salesman.

Q: Why does the Champs Elysees have no curves at all?

A: Because Germans like to march in straight lines.

Q: Why does the Champs Elysees have street lights?

A: Because Germans don't like to march in the dark.

Q: Why did they plant trees along the Champs Elysees?

A: So the Germans could march in the shade.

A French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumoured, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs."

Q: What's the difference between French women and werewolves?

A: The French women are slightly less hairy, but the werewolves smell better!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Now, guys.... What's wrong with the French and the German's??.... There should be NO REASON at all to hate a group of people because of the color of their skin, or their ethnic background.... when there are so many GOOD reasons to hate them all INDIVIDUALLY!!....
Like me!.... I'm NOT prejudiced!.... I hate EVERYTHING!!.... lol

The only thing I like about the French, is their "toast" and their "fries"!....

And, the only thing I like about the German's, are their "Shepherds"....


53 Posts
Not entirely accurate, but amusing nonetheless...


Gallic Wars - Lost.
In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all Things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War.

Italian Wars - Lost.

Wars of Religion.
France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years War.

War of Devolution - Tied.
Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War. Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost.

American Revolution.

French Revolution.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost.

World War I.
Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States and Britain. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost.

War in Indochina - Lost.
French forces plead sickness, take to bed with te Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost.

War on Terrorism.

53 Posts

French jokes..... I'd consider that a self defining phrase.

A quote I heard recently:

Worrying about going to war without the French is like worrying about going deer hunting without your accordion.

73 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Q: What is the shortest book in the world?

A: Great French war victories.

Q: Why do frenchmen wear moustaches?

A: To remind them of their mothers.

Q: How can you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the frenchman pushing it.

Q: How many gears do French tanks have?

A: Five. Four reverse and one forward (just in case they're attacked from the rear)


53 Posts
Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A. The Army.

Q: What's the easiest way to get a seat in a crowded French restaurant?
A: Speak German.

How to greet a Frenchman. (courtesy of The Simpsons)

Paris -

In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L’Abandonnement du Field d’Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangere (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American Armed Forces. “Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering,” said Colonel Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in over 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. “We French are the world masters at surrendering, n’est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories.”

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.



A blonde bought a new Lexus, and returned the next day, complaining that the
radio didn't work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Watch this!" he said..."Nelson!"

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"


She drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she'd say,
"Beatles!" she'd get one of theirs.

One day, another driver ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but
she swerved in time to avoid him.

"ASSHOLE!" she yelled ... and ... The French National Anthem began to play

Now now.. don't you think we're being a little hard on the French? After all, we can always count on them to be there when they need us. (Think about it for a minute...)


53 Posts
The ship sank. The life raft was much too small
for the six survivors.
Wrong answers lose, and must go away.
The F.O., also English says "The sinking of the
" 15 April, 1912" says the Engineer.
"Correct" says the Captain.
"What happened?" he asks the Canadian Able Bodied
"Correct" says the Captain. " Now tell me
how many people died?" he asks the Chief Steward,
a Welshman.
"Correct" says the Captain.
Then glaring at the French Cook,
he says "Name them."
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