Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do we rebuild after his affair?

cheating affair husband

Me and my husband have been married for 2 years and he now have a son thats one years old. I love my husband and he's hard worker but...... we live with my brother in law and his wife.

My brother in law talks to his brothers wife and goes in front of her.
I was raised in a family where they do not do that but going in to there family I would go in front of my brother in law with a distance.

Last year I found out that my husband and sister in law had a little relationship that I don't know how far it went. I was pregnant and away for about 3 months and my husband and her had the house alone.... my husband wouldn't sleep at home he would just stay with friends.
And his brother was off on business trips.

When I came back from my dads house with my baby, my husband was very distant with me - he would come home during day for food and I would be in my room and he would stay downstairs with his sister in law and play with her son and talk to her. I would tell him "come up, stay with us, see your baby". He had no interest, he would just leave.

Three months later it was same.
(my husband doesn't let me drive)

His car was being fixed at shop and she would have to give him a ride to work. When she would take him she would put so much makeup and perfume on. I always thought it was weird but tried not to think much of it. Anyways one day I logged in his account to see if I'll ever find them texting. One day he texts her "is my wife next to you" and she says no so he called her. In that moment I knew there was something real bad going on. So I decided to call him and tell him I overheard everything. He was telling me how sorry he was and that he needs my help to get through it, and how much did I hear...
But I never heard anything........

Which kills me more but the way he was so scared made me know it was very bad. He even left work and came telling me he's so sorry and it will never happen again, begging me not to tell his brother about what I heard.
He was in tears!!!
Which only killed me more!!!
I got a little out of him like that they would call each other sexy and say "i miss you" blah blah.

I got very crazy that I called his brother and let him know that something is going on with them. He asked for proof but sadly I had no proof because my husband deleted all the messages. He told me don't talk to your husband or my wife until you have proof. I told him I already talked to my husband.
I let him know not to tell him I told him yet because my husband would be very angry. And yet he told him. After a week when he came from his business trip he told his wife as well. She denied everything...
and even to me......

My husband told me he told him it's true and he didn't care her husband didn't care... he said he told him even if you slept with her I don't care.......

Now it's been about a year. And I'm visiting my family, my husband sleeps with friends, and she stays at home, her husband business trip.

She tells my husband like three times a day to bring groceries.
She's alway texting him and trying to get him to come home.
She cooks for him tells him come pick it up or she will drop it off
She even sends him kiss faces.
And gets mad when he doesn't come.
She was texting him yesterday "I need something sweet" at 11 at night "please give me something sweet". She gave him a grocery list he gave it to her but he didn't give her anything sweet so she texted him why didn't you give me anything sweet oh my god blah blah I'm going to cry my self to sleep......
My point is she talks in very flirty way to him.
My husband's replies are mostly sorry, okay, I will blah blah.

But I'm afraid shaytan may get best of him.
I've been with my family for about a month and he doesn't really miss me, he doesn't call so much, he doesn't flirt, nothing.

I'm so sick of her all up on my husband and I don't know what to do.



5 Responses »

  1. how do you leave your husband with another woman when he has no access to you to fulfill his needs?? that was a huge mistake on your part

    May Allah help you sister.
    this situation just has one fix. Move with your husband to another area far away from he, best if to another country.

    He is your love and your child father, So you need to give him one real chance to repent, and away from that woman. forget about your bitter feelings and sweep him off his feet with intimacy as frequent as it takes. Invest in some nice lingeries, and pay attention to his needs, you know him so well and you know how what he likes.
    Combine that with prayers that Allah guide him and purify his heart. you will see HUGE difference in less than a month inshaaAllah.

    If after doing your best he still going for other women, take your baby and tell him goodbye.

    May Allah make your task easy

    • With respect,

      If the sister had been messing about with her brother in law (May Allah protect us!) would you have adviced the brother to buy nice underwear, pay attention to her needs and make himself available for intimacy whenever the wife should wish as a remedy? I hope not! Then why should the wife get such advice?

      To OP: Please, this man has no morals and no character. To betray both his wife and his brother is unthinkable. He is nowhere near what is acceptable. If it is at all possible I would advice you bring in a mediator through your wali, and start preparing mentally for divorce.

      I will make duaa for you.

  2. Dear Sister,

    What your husband is doing is unacceptable, it is disgusting to say the least, its distasteful!!! You did nothing wrong, your husband is supposed to provide for you and your child, if he knew that he was having feelings for his sister in law he should move out and go find a place, that is not for you to decide, clearly it was not a matter of flirtation only, the relationship between your husband and sister in law is far deeper then flirty messages, you should confront her directly, a woman to woman talk, I'm not sure if I will be-able to accept that bad behaviour so I wont tell you to! It saddens me that as woman we need to accept all this from a man!!! We always have to be the ones forgiving and constantly giving.... the best advice I can give you is make duaa to Allah and ask him for guidance, no-one can tell you what to do, because the situation is so difficult and so painful only you would know, why would you entice him, he knows what he is doing is wrong, just remember you are not doing anything wrong, DO NOT take blame for his wrong doings!
    Take care sister, Listen to Allah, because only Allah can guide you....

  3. Salaams sister
    I am really sorry for what you are going through I pray Allah makes it easy for you. Ameen x
    In my opinion the main reason for the whole situation could be your brother in law. He seems to have not given much consideration to his wife hence she found comfort in your husband. I doubt your husband intended to hurt you but maybe got caught up in being there for her when she could be down. But this is no excuse
    You are his wife, the mother of his child he needs to be there for you not his SIL. If she can drive im sure she can get her own groceries ahe doesnt need your husband to do so.

    You really need to sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart. Tell him it is the worst sins to have a relationship with your own brothers wife. Tell him the hadeeth of a woman coming infront of her brother in law. You really need to take a stand and not be a doormat and let it all happen in front of your eyes. You can see theres something wrong. You need to have a word with your sil and tell her to do her own things she doesnt need your husband to be there for her.
    See if you can get a place of your own as living in this situation is not practical or you being apart. You need to be with him. Dont give him a chance to be alone with her.
    Be flirty and loving to your husband if he doesnt text you any thing romantic then you do it. It might take time but inshaAllah he will come round.
    If all fails hun and you gave it your best then its no point in staying. If he diesnt change and still has no decency to know his limits with his brothers wife then he isnt worth it. You can do without him in your life and your childs life.

    Good luck may Allah make it easy for you xxx

  4. Why are you living together? You need to move out immidiatly. No questions asked. Ugly old broke down apartment is better than living with your brother in law. Move out.

    Second of all. Why doesn't the brother do anything about this? Doesn't he talk to his wife?

    Speak to your husband about moving out limiting interactions with sister in law. She is not his mahram. They shouldn't even be talking unless someone else is around.

    Speak to your husband about not responding, deleting her number and blocking her. There is no reason to have her as a part of his contact list.

    And honey, if he doesn't miss you after a month, and doesn't want to repair your marriage then you have serious issues. You have a sit down conversation if he wants to be married or not and go from there. No point in waiting for a cheater to love you and sit there feeling sorry for yourself.

    You have more value then that. Move on if he has moved on and save your self the headache. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is just a waste of energy. He clearly has feeling for his sister in law and is enjoying you not being around.

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply