I would wager to say that most of us start off as sitters on "le toilet" when we get "potty trained" but what the heck happened after that to make us humans break off into two groups: those who sit and those who stand when they wipe! There are three groups if you count those who use a bidet, but that's another story for another ba'day! (Stay tuned for more craptastic jokes, I am sleep-deprived so I've got plenty to share!)


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Two times over the past month I have seen someone on social media asking the question, "Do you sit or stand when you wipe?" What a crappy predicament we are in! 💩

Here are screensh*ts of some of the public Facebook quotes I've seen:

screenshot via Facebook
screenshot via Facebook
screenshot via Facebook
screenshot via Facebook

It was that really famous dude named Aristotle who said, "The soul becomes prudent by sitting and being quiet." Philosophizing minds wanna know: Was he saying this whilst sitting in the loo? I mean, he likely sat down when he wiped his bum, after all, he told it proudly told the world that he's a sitter! Sitting down when you wipe is a part of SCIENCE if we asked Aristotle! (Well, at least we could ask him if he were still alive).

Otis Redding was a sitter. He sang about how he liked to sit (and wipe) on the dock of the bay...watching the TP roll away.

People sometimes slip and tell on themselves if you pay attention to the clues. Look at that famous 90s band, R.E.M., now, THEY are definitely standers. They even wrote a song about it. Like to hear it, here it goes: "STAND in the place where you live, now face WEST!"

Brandy: she's a sitter. "Sitting Up In My Room."
Sting & The Police don't like those who don't sit when they wipe. "(Please) Don't Stand So Close to Me."
Elton John: "I'm Still Standing."
Ben E. King: "Stand By Me."
Patsy Cline: "Stand by Your Man"
Missy Elliott: "I Can't Stand (The Rain)."
New Edition: "Can You Stand (The Rain)."

You get the drift! I mean, I could make you a playlist if you like. I could give you something to sit (or stand) for.

Like, HOW is this even a question? And why are we asking it on social media? I am QUITE appalled...that there are actually people on this planet who stand when they wipe. How do you not know you keep sitting down when doing that business? How uncomfortable that must feel to you! (I am all about the comfort.)

By the way, I did hear from "The Internet" that the poop emoji is actually supposed to be a chocolate ice cream emoji. The man who created the emoji allegedly said so himself, according to this article from the Huffington Post!

So, therefore, dear reader, I leave you with one pressing question, nay, dare I say I have a question "number two": do you keep on sitting after your crap-tastic adventures or do you hail from another planet with aliens that like to stand up when they wipe?

All this crap-talking does actually make me want to invest in a BIDET so that I can be done with worrying about such things.

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