

Ali G: BELONG? That's a very sexist way to talk about these bitches!
Ali G: Jezzy, iz you wearing green? I knew it - you iz defected to the Iver 'Eath posse, innit? Come on - let's stab him!
Jezzy F: No, no - wait! Me mum, yeah, she put me yellow top in the wash with me brother's blue football socks even though they ain't colourfast.
Ali G: All right. But you tell that slag, that in the ghetto, washing non-colourfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life...
David Carlton: [to Ali] Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament?
Ali G: What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks.
David Carlton: That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
Ali G: Yes.
Ali G: R.E.S.T.E.C.P! Do ya even know wha it spellz?
Cabinet M.P.: Restecp?
Ali G: Yes, Restecp. 'Owz anyone out there meant to restecp each otha? If you lot in 'ere, don't even start restecpa-ing one another.
Ali G: You wanna know 'ow I make diz country bettah? Iz simple, two words: keep it real!
Cabinet M.P.: That's three words!
Ali G: Don't be a spannah, it ain't a real word. It's short for innit, innit?
Ali G: And I put it to YOU... that you sucked off a 'orse.
Ali G: A man more eviler than Skeletor.
David Carlton: Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
Ali G: Unfortunately, I iz recently gone on the dole...
David Carlton: Really? When?
Ali G: Eight years and three months ago.
David Carlton: Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?
Ali G: Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ'ing injury - I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger...
[starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain, and stops. Notices Carlton's fit secretary looking at him, so he points to his crotch]
Ali G: Everything down there's still working, though! Oh, yes...
Ali G: If you iz watching dis in da UK, you may remember me from da telly. If you iz in Belgium... you iz living in a shit hole.
David Carlton: As from 12 o'clock all rizla's will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. Marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as ichy scrot. Furthermore I am a bell end...
Ali G: HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
David Carlton: Prime minister, I really can't be expected to...
Prime Minister: Go on now, David!
David Carlton: [Looking annoyed] I like to take it up the batty. It is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knicks, honest. Ask me mum!
Ali G: Crack cocaine iz destroyin' our community, so when a bruva makes it through, he deserves our respect. So, let's big it up for me main man Darren, who has been off da crack now for eight years!
Darren: Eight years and three quarters.
Ali G: Whateva!
Ali G: Dat's no prozzie, dat's me ho!
[Awarding a Cub scout a new badge]
Ali G: Soon you will big-up to Tyrone's level. Tyrone, if you keeps getting any better, we're gonna have to do your pubes, aiii.
Cub scout: I don't have any.
Ali G: Well I'ze got millions.
Ali G: Sorry I iz late, bu dere was a documentry on about monkeys.
Ali G: He iz a criminal! And not even da good type wot deals drugs and does drive bys.
Ali G: Talk to the hand, 'cos the face ain't listening.
Ali G: I'm not Ali A, not Ali B, Ali C, Ali D, Ali E, Ali F... but... Ali G!
David Carlton: Swan, is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed, half-naked man chained to a fence, being tossed off by an old blind council worker?
Ali G: We is gunna hire the A-team.
Ali G: Me Julie, will you make me the happiest guy in the world?
Me Julie: Yes, Ali. Yes I will.
Ali G: Good. Let me shag her, then!
Delegate from Chad: Gentlemen, I want you all to know that the minister was very hard, but also very straight.
