
what can I do for the best in this situation? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

what can I do for the best in this situation?

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Hi and welcome, I too have been in a similar situation and can only agree with what has been said by other members.
Hello and welcome.
hello and welcome
welcome to the forum Ive read through all the posts, people on here are giving you the right advice, ask your doctor about narcassistic personality disorder as your partner sounds like he has it my ex had it and it can affect different people in different ways and it can have a really bad affect on your own mental health because they end up brain washing you into accepting their way of life, because they need to be in control. This will be hard but if you do decide to "get out" of your situation the recovery for you is even harder rebuilding your life and confidence. I hope either way you can get treatment for him and the support you need.
I agree with the other posters. This is domestic abuse and you need him out of your life for the sake of your own sanity. Please tell all this to your GP.
thanks again, there's quite a lot more I haven't mentioned, unacceptable behaviour such as a very aggressive manner, verbal abuse and threats. We had (well I had!) a horrendous weekend, he won't acknowledge in any way that his lifestyle is contributing to our relationship problems, the fault is apparantly all mine. I know it isn't. I can see he won't change it is obvious. Quite apart from anything else I'm finding it hard going trying to have a relationship with someone who chooses to be absent though sleep most of the time, he's 'had to go back to sleep' this morning as is so tired. He's told me many times the reason I don't like him sleeping so much is that I just want him 'dancing attendance' on me! I think he'd still be like this even without his health problems, I do believe he uses them as an excuse.
I would have left after this weekend if I had anywhere to go, I'm on a low wage and basically haven't the money to make the choice, he also won't leave but I couldn't afford to live here on my own even if he did, I also can't afford to move so feel pretty stuck. I have animals to consider which makes things even more complicated.
I've known in the back of my mind for a long time this is an abusive situation but just feel I can't make any choices though lack of money but also feel I am letting myself down through this reason. Am seeing the GP next week. Many thanks again. x
Have everything you've said here written down for when you see the Dr. It's so easy to forget small but important details when there is so much to tell them about and you must mention the aggressive/abusive behaviour, it is not acceptable for you to have to put up with it. As the tenancy is in your name there must be some way of shifting your 'manipulative problem', the local police here are quite hot on 'domestic abuse', they take the view that it's the abuser who should leave the house not the abused person, the local council back them up too if it's a council tenancy Image Take care of yourself
hello and welcome. I felt so sad by your post. you are trapped in a very difficult and painful situation. This is abuse of you, as a person. And I know it will be hard to break free but you must do it for your own sake.

My hubby is in constant pain but he hardly ever moans. If he says, 'I'm in pain today', I know he means he's in agony! He's on oxycodiene which I monitor carefully (ex -nurse!)for him. I organise all his medication etc so i know how much he's getting as sometimes he forgets he's taken it. He does rest in an afternoon BUT he potters around our home and garden during the day doing what he can to keep mobile and reasonably healthy. he too is overweight due to being less mobile than he was but he won't give in to the pain.

Your partner sounds terribly controlling and, sorry to say, as though he enjoys his condition. However, you're obviously not enjoying the position he's put you in, and no surprise! You're doing the right things to help yourself. You've come on here and found new friends who will understand and support you. You've made an appointment with your GP and decided to request counselling. You've decided you need help and support in your caring role. So well done for getting so far. Keep it up. don't let him continue to walk all over you like this. It's not healthy for him and it's certainly not healthy for you!

Good luck with it all, let us know how you get on.
I also agree with what's been said already and again putting it bluntly, your husband is a bully! Simply put.
I too, have been there and when you wrote that he thinks you're 'up to something' it rang a bell! It's as if someone is stomping over you the whole time until you think that it's yourself that there's something up with. Don't you believe it - you are the one who is sensitive and caring and wanting to do the right thing. You now have lots of people confirming this for you.
When you go to your GP, you can always say to your doctor "I know that you can't say anything to me about my husband, but I'm going to tell YOU what he's like at home, then you will know the situation from another side."
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you can find some support to make you strong enough to make your situation better. Please, let us know how you get on x ((((((hugs for you )))))
I was unable to keep my GP appt for various reasons, work mainly, but I do realise I urgently need to make another appointment (Caring_mind, your comment made me see that and has helped me see how to put things, Judi thankyou as well)
I just now accidentally moved the curtain so the sun shone for a fraction of a second into partner's eyes, I was told curtly to be careful with the curtain, my mistake then being not immediately apologising, which resulted in me being bodily thrown out of the room, squashed in the door and told I have serious mental health problems and need a lot of help and told to leave. Part of it washes over me because I know it isn't true but part of it utterly crushes me. I told him he was a 38 year old man whining over some light shining in his eyes and to just grow up, this is when he told me I was mentally ill and need help. There is no talking to him whatsoever about anything ever.
Am going to actually call in at the surgery tomorrow morning after work.