I didn't realize that after having passed the required tests for being hired as aChaCha guide, I would then have to pass still more tests before I was allowed to answer live queries from real customers.

So, although I was hired a while ago, not until a couple days prior did I field my first customer query (that's how we talk in this biz, catch up or get killed by the timecube guy.) My first question happened to be "does a lot of rough anal sex destroy your butthole

(I'm curious what was the queryists...I don't think that is a real word. The querier? the queryo? oh, duh, the inquirer. I am curious what the that national inquirer had in mind of what conditions being met would qualify a butthole to be considered destroyed. Maybe if it can no longer function in tradition role as a means of blasting a dookie out your ass {meghan's joke. not having made up the term of course, but to resurrect it, and use it casually. Meghan, this is chris speaking(writing). I know how much you love getting credit for your jokes, so, god bless you funny wise woman, here is the credit you have earned.}) Getting to research this issue of butthole (or is it butt hole)destruction allowed me to learn that the butt hole can easily become damaged by having something put in it over and and over again, even with the use of proper lube. What is referred to as anal fissures can be a common problem as well as damage to the prostate for men. Although, I don't think I would consider this the destruction of a butt hole. Our butt holes are very resilient things, and that is something we should probably be more proud of. But not express this pride to much because that would make us unpleasant to be around.

I have been pleased to realize I really enjoy being a ChaCha Guide, as the company refers to us. We are not actually ChaCha employees but independent contractors, so I can refer to myself in whatever I want, so interestingly enough, while I haven't even been working more than a few days, I already have the position and title: King of question answering. Also known as Head King, or The top King of all Kings, or The King of Kings, and the infrequently used, Prime Minister of Kingly affairs, but what typically I just let myself be called, 'Our Majestic Lord'.

Not only have I found that I enjoy answering ChaCha questions, but it is even a little bit addictive. Once I have seen the query, I am now interested in learning the answer for myself as well, and looking up answers to question online is something I love. Once I even put it on a flier as a way to describe me when I had unsuccessfully tried to move to Portland. Melissa tried to discourage me from including that on the flier, but I thought it was funny enough to stay. I never received a single call from any of the fliers I placed, but that was because they were all written with white ink on white paper. I joke, they were written with Super See Easily ink.

Researching the questions are fun, though you have a ten minute time limit, which adds a certain amount of a feeling of pressure which I do not love. Though 90% of the time 10 is well more than enough time, but more complicated questions I would like to spend longer than 10 minutes with. It is generally easy to actually find the answer quickly, but I then need to find that answer given by a reputable source, for citation, then I must figure a way to explain a complex idea succinctly enough to fit within one text message.

Which leads to the next thing I enjoy about being The King of Kings at ChaCha: The challenge to include as much info as possible, while still using full sentences and proper grammar, yet only having about 140 characters at my disposal (the other 20 or so are reserved for the citation source link.) It feels like a fun and challenging game each time. I love when on particularly difficult ones, their comes the sudden flash of insight, revealing a different way to phrase the answer that delivers the same amount of info but is now sufficiently succinct. It seems this activity may also be useful to me in my desire to be a good writer. I have been using my computer's built-in thesaurus to help me find shorter words, which I hope may increase my vocabulary in general. I foresee the day when people who are in search of short words that still communicate a lot of data, will flock from every corner of the earth to ask my help. And I will counsel them wisely with the aid of my digital thesaurus.

Lastly, and what I think the real hook is, for me, in terms of finding being ChaCha's 'Our Majestic Lord' addicting is this: After having answered a question, I am always super curious what the next question may be. But you can't look at the question, without accepting to answer it. So in times where I may not necessarily feel driven to answer another question, I will anyway because of curiosity about what that next question may be. And of course I am then committed to answer the question, but also now eager to discover the answer.


Vincent said...

I thought this was a fiction - and a jolly good one too - till I looked up chacha and discover it is real.

Well, well. And I discovered another reason to be proud. One that I won't express too much. I have never told anyone how proud (is that the right word?) I am not to have hemorrhoids. I think the word actually is grateful.

So how much do you make per answer? And what happens if you can't give a satisfactory response in 10 minutes? And how much does it cost to ask the question?

I assume this is all done by text message. that rules me out. I hate mobile phones.

mrs. everything said...

How do I become a chacha guide?! I think I would be really good at it...don't you?

mrs. everything said...

Also I am glad to see you blogging again. I miss you.
<3 your ghost