Friday, March 20, 2015

this is motherhood

A discarded spoon...

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A sly smile and peanut butter mustache.

This is Motherhood.

Profound and ordinary. Whole and complete.

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I am coffee, and bubbles and comfortable shoes and memories of first kicks and chubby little baby feet. I am resourceful and creative. I am cluttered and chaos and Trash trucks ready for take off. Boredom. Enraptured. Tired. Bliss.

I love them so much there's a constant and lingering ache in my chest. An ache that keeps me warm and gives me purpose and helps the world make sense even when it possibly couldn't.

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I am muddy toes and a ring around the bath tub. I am dirty laundry and a full sink.

This is Motherhood.

Feeling exhausted, guilty, frustrated, empty, incapable and alone. Feeling giddy with love, grateful, proud, connected and strong.

I am Monday morning and a Friday afternoon. I am love and light. They are God and magic. I am teacher and student. They are happy. And so am I.

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I am angry and impatient. I yell too much and am just not cut out to do this. To be this.
I am calm and peaceful, sweet and loving and filled with gratitude so enormous it is not possible to explain. They really are mine God? Thank you.

I am awesome. I am a train wreck. I am tears. I am laughter. I am take out. I am organic. I am lost. I have never been more myself. I am a million different things in the span of an hour.

This is Motherhood.

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  1. I LOVE this! You are so many things and I am glad to call you my friend. xoxo Hugs for life.

  2. Yes! PERFECTLY sums up motherhood...I feel like I got it under control and then 5 minutes later, I don't. I love everything about this post.

  3. First comment, long-time reader (and sharer of your posts/blog).

    Amen to all of this, sister.

  4. Lisa from TennesseeMarch 23, 2015 at 5:25 AM

    All, of this. And you want so much for them. You want to be able to wave your wand, or wiggle your nose and make the world bend to them, to make sure that they struggle, but not too hard, and that they find happiness. But you know that you can't do that, whether they have super powers or not, and that hurts so bad. So you just continue to love them as much and as good as you can. Motherhood, the easiest and the hardest thing women will ever do.