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JustASkinCondition's Achievements



  1. PS. I didn't mean to use such a toothy emoticon. It's quite ugly, don't you think? Let's calm it down with a regular smile :)
  2. So glad to hear it! All strength and much peace to you :D (BIG-HUGS from afar)
  3. In the second half of my first post on this forum, I posted my initial reaction to my partners disclosure to me. For further detail, she told me after we had been dating for 2x months. I am going to get my blood tested today. Here is the original post: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3176/should-i-deliberately-catch-herpes-hsv-1-orally-encouragement#Item_12
  4. @beautifullybroken I have been formulating my thoughts in trying to respond to your message in regards to feeling 'saddened' by what I said. Maybe I was fool-hardy and could've put things together more tactfully or respected that you are actually in pain and grieving right now, and kept quiet about that point of view. Pardon me if I'm sounding like a broken record. I'm just passionate. I feel for what you are going through. This isn't easy. I can't even imagine. And my heart goes out to you with that last message. It is a rollercoaster and like I said with the stages of grief. It will be a rollercoaster of going back and forth through those stages. Grief comes at you like waves. But if you deal with it in a healthy way. If you engage with the process; each time they will ease. You grow, you gain perspective and you gain wisdom. (I will note sometimes a big dumper wave comes out of nowhere) But again, it is part of the process. It's easy to think that 'I am going backwards. I thought I was moving on'. It's normal to go back over the stages. Repeating the stages is not going backwards. It is necessary. It is moving forwards. Now I hope you hear me right in this. I will try and put this together well. What I was trying to express by saying; 'I'm not promising that you will find someone'. Is that, equally as much as your worth is not to do with whether or not you have HSV. Your worth is not wrapped up in whether you have a partner or not. I'm encouraging you to not let HSV hold you back and not let a breakup or the rejection hold you back. By all means, it hurts, so feel it. Engage with it, but process it and move forward. You're worth is in who you are and your heart. So focus on that. Whether you have only one leg, or you are single. That doesn't change. That shouldn't hold you back from living a full and wonderful life. Find what it is that blows your hair back and makes you come alive. Know what it is that you want and each day do something to make it happen. You have life and you have something to offer the world. The world needs you at your best. The world needs the gift of who you are. Too many people merely exist. Too few people truly live. You sound passionate about your social work. Great! That sounds like such a good thing for you to focus on. I look on this website and am so happy about how it is turning the perspective of contracting HSV to an opportunity. There is a big part of me that does see this as an opportunity* **. The shock of this diagnoses and the process that people are going through to seek healing has so many positive out workings. The perspective that people are gaining about life, what matters most and what is important in a relationship is such a gift. * It's at this point I want to acknowledge that for some of you this is not merely a mild skin condition. That you deal with the worst of the symptoms and have a significant amount of physical pain, atop of the psychological pain to deal with. My empathy and hugs go out to you. ** Also, for some of you. You have contracted HSV by encountering the worst of humanity. Whether some one lied to you or was violent to you and did not respect you as a wonderful person. I want to acknowledge that. My heart goes out to you. You have my deepest empathy. You did not deserve this. But let me emphasise. That does not take away your worth. Much love and peace to you all. My hope is that you find healing. You gain wisdom and that your life flourishes.
  5. @WCSDancer2010 are genital HSV-1 OB's known to be less 'severe' than genital HSV-2 OB's?
  6. Let's assume that before oral sex, kissing has been involved. Making out two days before at the beach. Making out during a walk in the park. The two of you go back home. You make out a lot more. Lots and lots of kissing. Male partner has HSV-1 orally. Female partner doesn't have HSV-1 or 2 either orally or genitally. The male partner performs oral sex on the female partner. Why would the female partner contract HSV-1 genitally rather than develop cold sores / contract HSV-1 orally?
  7. I concur. You are not defined by having HSV. You are a beautiful person with a lot to offer the world. You're job now is to get passed this. Let the grieving process take it's course. The Kübler-Ross model has five stages of grief. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Look them up. Process them. And note; they don't work in a neat little line, one following on from the other. I find that I keep going back and forth, repeating various stages. Some more than others. But each time I do, I am taking a step forward, not backward. Going back to what I was saying; your job now is to get passed this and live a good life. The sexiest thing is a life well lived. That doesn't mean it's going to be without hardships, but it's how you deal with those hardships that matters most. Hardships build character and it's a woman of character that I look for in a partner. My partner is a wonderful person. A beautiful woman. She is kind, she is funny and she has character. She has HSV, which is what it is. It doesn't define her. I love her for who she is, for her heart and the gift of humanity that she is to me. When my partner told me; she was filled with shame, guilt and felt dirty. It broke my heart to see her in such pain. To know the burden that she'd been carrying. When somebody loves YOU, they will care for YOU and how the HSV has affected YOU. I'm not saying it wasn't hard for me to hear the 'news'. And we had earnest conversations about how this affected me at the time too. But I got educated and my heart breaks for all those who have to deal with the stigma and the emotions that go along with it. I'm not promising that you will find someone. I hope that you do. I have many beautiful girlfriends who are single. My sister is an amazing person and she is single. But do you see, they don't have HSV. Being single doesn't define a person, having HSV doesn't define a person. Be the best person you can be and engage with life. It is a beautiful and precious gift. The world needs the gift of what you can bring to it.
  8. @HerryTheHerp You see where I'm coming from with the deliberately contracting it orally then? ...I know you guys can't advice such a thing. But better to have it orally than genitally right? ...I know there's the slimmest chance I could get it both orally and genitally. But won't we both just consider me to be 'King of Contraction' if that happens!? :P
  9. @WCSDancer2010 Haha. I knew I'd get wrapped around the knuckles for doing a google image search. Thanks for the more measured view. I have checked with my GP if I have a record of cold sores. I don't remember any, but am waiting to hear back. We also have a 'date' scheduled at her doctors next week to discuss everything, get more information and where I will get blood tested. I totally see the abstaining from sex as an opportunity for creativity. Is it just me; or wasn't making out just with clothes on super hot back in the day!? @HerryTheHerp I understand that HSV-1 is more minor and sheds very infrequently. But it was from vaginal sex that my partner contracted the HSV-1 virus and the guy in question didn't know that he had it. He had never displayed any symptoms. I do understand that a woman is more at risk of contracting HSV due to the larger mucous membrane surface area. But I do consider being that we are intending to spend the rest of our lives together, that I'll likely catch it. What are the longest periods of time that people are aware of partners not contracting HSV-1 and HSV-2? The longest I've come across on message boards has been 15 years and still counting. I'd love to know what peoples experiences have been with lifelong partners. Thanks,
  10. I am a 31 year old male. I do not have HSV-1 or HSV-2 either orally or genitally. My partner has HSV-1 genitally. We are not yet sexually active. I have been doing my home work, researching and getting my facts straight. From what I can tell: - HSV-1 genitally isn't as much at home genitally as HSV-2 is. 50% of cases do not recur. My partner has not had any recurrences in over a year since her initial outbreak. I certainly hope she is one of the lucky ones who never has symptoms again. - 80% of people already have HSV-1 orally. If you already have HSV-1 orally it is extremely rare to get an outbreak genitally as your body has already built up the antibodies to fight the virus. (Specific transmission rates of this scenario would be great..?) My question is; considering that we are planning a lifelong partnership/marriage should I be 'reckless' and try to contract my partners HSV-1 virus orally (FUN!) That way my body will build up the antibodies necessary to fight the virus and my chances of contracting the virus genitally is greatly reduced. It would be so miniscule. My thoughts are. If I'm to have HSV-1, I would rather it orally. Which raises another question; I have google-image searched what the HSV virus does and looks like when there's an OB. Obviously there are some 'worst-case-scenarios' going in. Being that HSV-1 evolved to exist most happily in the mouth. Are the OB's always mild and not the type that spread around the anus, thighs and even up the abdomen? Personal accounts would be appreciated. Although, on the other hand. If we were both to have HSV-1 genitally and we both had OB's. At least we'd be able to express our sexuality with kissing. If I have an OB orally and she has it genitally then I guess we'll have to be extra creative. Just thoughts... ___________ To carry on from that though. All couples get sick and have to abstain from sex for periods of time. You guys seem to like having encouraging stories and know that there's hope out there and that this is not the end of the world. Here is my perspective: I only found out about my partners 'status' a week and a half ago. I won't pretend it wasn't hard news to hear. I didn't know the facts and what it actually meant. I have been researching conscientiously ever since and making sure that stigma didn't cloud my thoughts and feelings. After doing my research I can say and I do say to my partner; 'It is just a skin condition'. It is annoying to have an itch down there. But it's annoying to have a mosquito bite anywhere. (I know it's often worse than just a mild itch) It's annoying to abstain from sex, but it will be annoying to abstain from sex when I have the flu too. And goodness knows I get the man-flu! As far as I can tell; it's handy to have a virus that gives you, (albeit an annoying one) a warning signal that your body is overstressed. Needs some TLC, rest and looking after. Goodness, in this culture we could all do with that 'app'. This hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been the worst. A relationship isn't a contract for my own sexual gratification. My love for my partner is far bigger than this. I expect we'll go through harder things than this. HSV has nothing to do with your heart. With who you are and the gift of humanity that you have to offer the world. You are more than the biology of your body. You have joy to give. You have love to give. You have warmth to offer. You have a creative soul to express. This does not change how I view her. She is the most beautiful woman; heart, soul, mind and body that I have ever met. I won't let a skin condition get in the way of us enjoying our lives together. There are many far worse conditions out there that limit your physical capacity to enjoy life. Granted, my partner seems to be one of the lucky ones as far as the first year of her infection has gone. For those who suffer severe and regular outbreaks, who experience the worst of the symptoms both physically, emotionally and from the stigma; you have my deepest empathy. I just want to encourage you to not let this limit your attitude to engaging with life. The sexiest thing is a life well lived. A positive attitude that has perspective, that has gone through trials and lives out of the wisdom gained. I'm not saying it won't be hard and it won't suck. Of course, at times it will. But don't let the negativity of your own thoughts or of others rule your life. It is far too beautiful and precious of a gift. Dear past, thank you for all the lessons. Dear future, I am ready. Much love to you all.
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