Skyrim, Dawnguard, & Kinect

Skyrim has been a huge success for Bethesda Softworks. The average person's playtime for Skyrim has been about 90 hours since its release in November. The nonlinear gameplay provides endless hours of entertainment. This is not a game that you "finish", this is a game that you eventually grow bored of, but trust me, it will take a while. I love the freedom provided in this game. It is the closest a non-MMO has come to recreating the joy I get from playing tabletop RPGs. It's about as sandboxy as a video game can get.

The new Skyrim downloadable content (DLC) will be released this summer. It's called Dawnguard and is a huge mystery. Rumors about new content like Snow Elves and crossbows abound, but we really have no idea what will be included in the new content. The only thing that has been released officially is the teaser image, which shows a glowy-eyed man wearing the trademark Skyrim helmet. (It cracks me up that this is STILL the helm that they use for all the merchandising since it's such low-level gear in the game.) The DLC will be released to Xbox 360 players before everyone else, which has really upset a lot of PC and PS3 gamers.

What improvements and content am I hoping for in Dawnguard?

1) I'd love to have them add Snow Elves. I'm a fan of Elves in general, and the lore surrounding the fall of the Snow Elves and their corruption into the feral Falmer race is fascinating. It reminds me of the corruption of the elves into the foul orcs in Tolkien lore.

Doomed to carry these for all time!!

2) Quests need to be class specific. Yes, some quests are easier to complete for certain classes, but my warrior should never have been able to complete a quest line and become Archmage of Winterhold, and my mage should never have been able to join the Companions. I love sandbox games, but there needs to be some logical limit on a character's capabilities. This would also encourage me to play different classes. I don't expect them to go back and patch all the old quests, but it would be great if new quests were logically connected with profession and class.

3) I want to be able to drop fucking quest items from my inventory. Seriously. I'm now stuck carrying around five Stones of Barenziah. It's lame, because I have 4 houses where I can store stuff. Let me put it in my dresser drawer until I'm ready to finish that quest, or sell it if I'm desperate for money!

4) Horses. Make them not a pain in the ass. If an equine-obsessed girl like me don't want to own a horse in a game, there is a serious problem.

There have been some new developments for Skyrim recently. Last week, a new patch was available for the Xbox/Kinect setup that allowed players to use voice commands in Skyrim. I haven't gotten nearly enough use out of my Kinect, so I was very curious to see if this option actually functioned well in gameplay. A handy PDF is available for those with bad memories (me) and the Kinect works surprisingly well with voice commands in game. The quick commands for the map, game controls, and menus, all work very well and I have started using them in place of the controller. However, the dragon shouts were the big ticket item with this patch.

Instead of having one dragon shout option at a time, a player can now use their voice to use any shout in their arsenal. It's the perfect use for the Kinect, right?.... Sort of. The idea is sound and the technology works much better than I expected, but I am only able to cast the correct shout about 70% of the time when I'm using the three syllable dragon shouts. You really have to enunciate, and space out each part of the shout. You will cast a less powerful version of the shout or fail completely if you rush your syllables together. Take the time to study up on the correct pronunciations of the shouts before you get into trouble. My shouts have improved with practice, but there are a few shouts that I cannot vocally cast for some unknown reason. Maybe my California accent doesn't translate well to dragon.

Of course, you can always just yell the common tongue name of the spell, but where is the fun in that? FUS RO DAH!!!!!

RPG Podcast Listener Survey

The 2012 RPG Podcast Lister Survey is up! Please visit to fill it out. This information is very useful to podcast hosts and gives great information on the demographics of our audience members. It should take you less than 5 minutes to fill out and doesn't ask for any personal contact information.

The 2011 survey gave us some very interesting information about RPG podcast listeners. According to last year's statistics, RPG podcast listeners are between the ages of 26 and 29. 51% of them are married and over 66% use iTunes to download their podcasts. D&D was still the most popular gaming system of listeners, but had dropped 2.3% while other systems such as Savage Worlds and GURPS gained ground. Overall, listeners spent an average of $621.92 on RPGs and gaming in 2011. Women made up only 6% of respondents in last years survey, however the actual number of women who took the survey increased.

Happy Jacks RPG Podcast did very well in the 2011 survey. Over 27% of the gamers surveyed listened to our podcast!! We actually ranked 3rd in the list of top 20 RPG podcasts! Most surprising of all, Happy Jack's was the favorite RPG podcast of women who took the survey. Over 33% of the women who completed the survey listened to our podcast! This makes me very happy, since I am a huge proponent of women in gaming.

I am eagerly looking forward to the results of the 2012 survey! Please share this info with your gamer friends! The more respondents, the more accurate the data will be!


Thou Shalt Not Play with Assholes

Should subjective tabletop RPG rules be eliminated since they can allow the GM's biases to influence the game?

This rather hot topic has arisen lately, especially regarding mechanics where the GM can reward players for their role-playing. This discussion was started by site called Gaming for Women and we recently discussed it on an episode of the Happy Jack's RPG podcast.

While misogynistic behavior was the main concern of the article, any time you allow the human element into activities it opens the door for prejudice. I will be the first to admit that this can lead to horrible situations in games and in gaming groups. However, I argue that this subjectivity is imperative to gaming and especially vital with reward mechanics. The human element is the reason we play tabletop games. Otherwise, we'd all just go play video games since they are available whenever we want and don't drink all the beer when they come over. I have seen reward mechanics bring quiet role-players out of their shell and bring games to a whole new level. If a numbers mechanic regulated the use of rewards, rather than the GM, the same people would always get the bennies! Only the subjective judgement of a GM can evaluate the amount of effort a player is putting into the game.

Some people (read: self-proclaimed feminists) chimed in on my twitter feed and claimed that women may need all subjective rules to be eliminated in order to insure total fairness in all gaming groups. WTF? Seriously? I cannot begin to describe how insulted I was by the idea that women need rules to protect them in RPGs. If you are in a group where you need rules to protect you from a GM's vindictive actions, get the fuck out of there! We play games FOR FUN! If you are playing with people who treat you unfairly based on your gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, beer preference, or anything else, it isn't going to be fun. Nobody should ever stay in any type of relationship (romantic, friendly, gaming, or otherwise) where the only thing protecting them from abuse is rules. Being empowered includes the power to remove yourself from a bad situation. Find another group, or start checking out online gaming options if the pickings are slim in your area.

Remember Kimi's golden rule of gaming: thou shalt not play with assholes!

RPG Inspired Comedy Music

Stu is a great song writer, but a crappy graphic designer.

My good friend Stu has put his lyrical genus to use for RPGers everywhere. "Let Me Tell You About My Character" is a collection of five EPs that are all based on situations that are very familiar to every dice-rolling gamer. The songs are written in different styles, including country, rock, Indie electronica (yes, that's a thing), and dance mix. What really makes these songs stand out is the high quality of the mixes and recording. Produced in the Angry Folk Studio, "Let Me Tell You About My Character" lived up to the high sound quality and base humor that have made the Happy Jack's RPG Podcast moderately famous. The songs are $0.99 each and the hilarious lyrics alone are worth twice that. Aren't I generous?

I suggest you buy all the songs, but I have three favorites. "Plan B" is a country song about the intricate plans that RPG players create, and the many ways those plans fall apart. This is track one of the collection and touches on many different games, including Call of Cthulhu and Dungeons and Dragons.

Next on my list is "Storked It". This song is about the traumatizing experience of rolling a critical failure at the vital moment where everything depends on you. This song has GREAT gamer lyrics and mentions lots of different games like GURPS, Savage Worlds, Amber DRPG, and World of Warcraft. Everyone knows how this feels. The term "storked it" was inspired by the Happy Jack's host Stork, the worst dice roller on earth. This song also contains the word "fuck". You shrinking violets have been warned.

The finale and my absolute favorite track in the collection is track five, titled "Laser Printed Hero". This is the theme song of the Happy Jack's RPG Podcast, and this particular recording includes the powerhouse vocals of Heather Greene. They lyrics in this song are the smartest and the most entertaining in this collection. It's based on the incredible lives and adventures of our heroes, who only appear to be printed numbers and words to the unknowing of the real world.

Do yourself a favor and buy these songs. Listen to "Laser Printed Hero" before every RPG you play and you will roll all critical successes. Really...

Middle School History RPG

It is a constant challenge to keep students engaged in middle school. You know the age, spring has sprung and suddenly girls no longer have cooties. In fact, they are darn attractive. Suddenly, school is the last thing on your mind when you are sitting in class. It's Mother Nature herself that I am fighting against each day when I try to keep my 7th graders interested. What weapon can a teacher use in this battle against hormones?

Battle Map of Japan

Dice of course! Don't tell me you are surprised...

I've designed a class RPG/Risk inspired simulation to bring Medieval Japan to life in my classroom. Each group of students is responsible for maintaining their feudal state, including the earning of food and money to upkeep their armies. They can declare war and battle against other feudal states, and face the twists and turns that fate can bring upon any civilization. Once my students figured out they could conquer and become the feudal Lords of Japan, their hormones didn't stand a chance. Score one for gaming!

It started with a map. I did research and created battle maps that showed the actual feudal boundaries in Medieval Japan. I then broke my class into 4 small groups and each group was given a feudal state. They created a "nobori" (Japanese for banner) and a symbol to represent their state. I was really impressed by their banners, and they are showing so much team spirit and loyalty to their own states.

One of the Nobori

Each state started with 3 armies, 2 food, and 1 money, which are marked on the battle map with notes and push-pins for the armies. Each day, they can earn more armies, food, and money by completing their assignments. They need to maintain a minimum level of money for their armies to continue fighting. They also must have 1 food for every 2 armies each day, or their armies start starving to death. The students can trade amongst themselves for food, money, or armies. They can also attack other feudal states, and if they win a war they get to take over the armies, food, and money of the other state. They also take all the students from the conquered group and become one larger group, so nobody gets left out if their group loses a war.

Angry Bee Nobori

Wars are where the dice come in. For every push-pin army a group has, they get to roll 1d6. I thought this was a fair way to resolve battles. A group with 5 armies is still capable of defending themselves against a group with 7 armies, but the odds are not in their favor. They can have one battle a day, and a group must win 3 battles in order to win a war. If a group runs out of money during a war, their armies go on strike and they are left defenseless. If they run out of food, their armies will die and be pulled off the battle map. Groups that lose a war are absorbed into the victorious group and get to continue participating in this new larger group. Eventually, one feudal state may conquer all of Japan... but maybe not!

But as always, fate plays a hand in the success or failure of nations. This is represented by the Wheel of Fate in my classroom. The groups spin the wheel each day, and luck decides if something beneficial or detrimental happens. Examples:

The Wheel of Fate

- Extra rain falls in your feudal state. +2 food
- Bandits attack local farming villages. - 2 food
- Your Lords give you gifts for a holiday. +1 money
- You give an inspirational speech to your troops. +2 armies
- Your armies need new armor. -1 money for each army

This seems to be the biggest piece of excitement each day. The students all hold their breaths when their state spins the wheel. It is a game changing event each day. As with real life (and RPGs), a well placed famine or flood can cause real damage to an otherwise successful civilization.

So far, this has been a very successful experiment with my students. It has really increased their interest in history. It's also increased their interest in math as they figure out their chances of success for winning a war, and make long term plans to sustain their armies during their campaigns. We will see if it lures any students into the RPG hobby.


OrcCon 2012 - Laser Ponies Game for Adults

I didn't know what to expect when I ran my adult-theme Laser Ponies convention game at OrcCon 2012. Convention games are an unpredictable beast. You never know who will show up at your table, or if they will buy the concept that you have spent endless hours prepping. This concept was especially risky with Laser Ponies, but I hoped that anyone who signed up for a twisted game of alien ponies would show up ready for anything.

My table is all set up and ready for the players!

I love having an amazing setup for my players when they arrive. I also like the players to be surprised by the characters that they get. Usually, my players have little clues when they arrive at the table, but nobody gets to see their character sheets until everyone is seated and we get started. For this game, each player had a bag waiting for them that contained their character sheet, a map, a set of My Little Pony stickers (just because they were fun!), and a customized toy version of their character. On each bag was a picture that represented the character inside, and that was their only clue.

The customized ponies were the biggest part of my prep time for this game. Lots of people were very excited because of the crazy description and because we'd been talking about the game on the Happy Jack's RPG podcast for months. EIGHT people were signed up, so I had to make a lot of ponies! They took about two weeks to complete, but I loved the challenge and the creativity involved. I sanded small toy horses that I bought at the Dollar Tree. Then painted each one with spray paint and puffy paint to make them look unique. I was thrilled that the players were so excited to get them.





I was supposed to co-GM this game with my friend Casey, however he fell ill about 10 minutes into the game intro. Things went smoothly and the players bought into the crazy concept that we had created. Basically, the home of the Laser Ponies is being overrun by a drug cartel. The only ponies who can take a stand against this threat are the P-Team. Yes, we ripped off the A-Team, but damn did it make for a funny game. Each character had weaknesses, like uncontrollable lust, war flashbacks, drug addiction, fear of flying, and more. These weaknesses have to be rolled so the players never know when they will kick in. It made for a very adult, but very funny addition to the game.The players got so into it they started rolling their weaknesses, even when I hadn't asked!

The rainbow afro that the players created. They did this completely on their own! Lesson: Always provide crayons for your players!

The game went incredibly well, and was one of the most fun games with which I have been involved. The players were what really made it magical. They were incredibly creative and energetic. The started making creative props of their own and kept acting out scenes using their toy horses. The insane plot ideas that they came up with were so unexpected, but it really made the game. Multiple times in our 4 hour game we had to stop because we were all laughing too hard to speak. I feel bad for the other Happy Jacks games that shared the room with us, but holy cow was it fun! The 4 hours flew by, and the game timed out perfectly, ending 10 minutes before the cut off time.

The one thing that I wasn't prepared for was combat. I had planned to co-GM, and Casey is a numbers guy. I had read the rules a few days before, but I couldn't recall the exact damage rules once it was obvious that Casey wasn't coming back. I was subtly trying to look up damage rules while I started the first scene. It didn't impact the game for the players (as far as I could tell!) but it made those first few moments stressful for me. Lesson: Always have the book/PDF with you (huzzah! I did that!) and always read the combat rules before the players show up if its a new system to you.

This was a REALLY amazing game. REALLY. I won't be sharing any plot points here since I may have to run this game again. I might have to retire from adult Laser Ponies forever though, because I doubt any game could live up to the original P-Team.

Laser Ponies Review - Gateway Game for Girls?

"Feel the Pony Power! On a faraway magical world, in the heart of Glitter Valley, there lives a tribe of beautiful creatures known as the Laser Ponies." - Hex Games Website

Hex games created this very simple RPG in 2009. Laser Ponies is aimed at very young players, but it is still a pen and paper RPG that requires basic math skills and reading ability. I'd suggest it for ages 7 and up. I happen to be running an X-rated convention game for adults, but that is just because I'm very broken. Using the NORMAL setting for Laser Ponies makes for a fun, family-friendly, imaginative gaming experience.

Cost – 10/5

Yes, Laser Ponies gets a 10 out of 5 for cost. How is that possible? The PDF costs $1.99... YES, ONE DOLLAR AND NINETY-NINE CENTS! You get a complete RPG game for less than a cup of coffee at the trendy, overpriced location of your choice. Your dice cost more than this whole RPG.

You can buy the PDF at DriveThru RPG and you get all the information you need to run a Laser Ponies game from the single book. The Quick Start rules are in the back of the book and give you an easy run-down of character creation and combat.

Setting – 4/5

As a female gamer, I am thrilled that this game exists. I think it's a great gateway RPG (drug) for kids, ESPECIALLY HORSE-CRAZY LITTLE GIRLS! I would have loved playing this RPG between my weekly riding lessons. I am (correctly) stereotyping girls, but I think games like this one are the way to increase the number of females gamers. Get 'em into the hobby while they're young! Boys are sure to enjoy this system too because there are monsters, bears, and friggin' laser beams!!

The premise is really simple and sweet. Very sweet. It will give any adult cavities. It's a great game for kids though and harkens back to the simpler times of Candy Land... but with lasers. The ponies live in a magical world called Panagonia. Their homes are in Glitter Valley, which is a peaceful but surrounded by scary forests and some mountains. The bears and monsters are the enemies of the ponies, while the beavers and badgers are their allies. The only human is the evil Chasm Queen who is basically the big boss the ponies need to take down.

Again, it's a game for kids. I've had a lot of fun twisting it to my dark purposes for my adult convention game, but it really is a cute setting for kids.

Note: The game even comes with tables of story ideas, so young GMs can have some helpful ideas of where to take their game. What a great idea!

Character Creation – (5/5 Customization) (4/5 Ease)

Character creation is very simple, and the Quick-start guide in the back of the Laser Ponies book can easily take you through the process. It only takes about 5 minutes to roll up a character, and even less if you are an adult. It's really simple. I do suggest that you help kids during character creation, simply to because the reading level of the directions might be a little high for the average 7-year-old... Sorry! Your kid is not average! I get it! They are the next Einstein... help them the first time through anyway.

F34R M3!

There is a high level of customization available in this game through the use of "gimmicks". You can give your pony any perks you want, magical or mundane. The book gives amazing speed, invisibility, prophetic dreams, lucky, and many other examples of good gimmicks. The higher your gimmick level, the more likely that you will succeed in your roll. However, your gimmick level is equal to your weakness level. Weaknesses have to be something that majorly impacts the character, such as bad aim, unpopular, phobias, smelly, etc. Your pony might have incredible powers, but they are no good to him/her if nobody will get within 100 yards of them because they have a habit of sleeping in their own manure. The more powerful the gimmick, the more powerful the weakness.

These gimmicks and weaknesses are approved by the GM to insure they aren't going to ruin the adventure. It's really fun coming up with ideas for these and I can picture kids having a blast during the character creation phase. Plus, you get to name and design your pony!!! Mine may or may not have been named Sugar Cube and had little Pegasus wings...

Combat – (5/5 Speed) (4/5 Ease) (5/5 Fun)

Combat is very fast and simple and reminds me of Wild Talents in many ways. It's split into rounds, but there is no specific amount of in-game time in a round. The GM makes the call if something really complicated takes multiple rounds. The GM goes around the table and each player declares their action, then the GM has everyone roll in the order that makes the most sense depending on the actions. It's a d20 system, if the player rolls less than or equal to the characters number, the action succeeds. There are exceptions and specific circumstances where the rules get a little more complicated, but not much. It's very quick and can be very fun since players get to imagine their own attacks instead of using preset attacks from a book.


I gave Laser Ponies a 4 out of 5 for ease because kids will need some help reading and understanding the directions. It's very simple and kids will catch on very quickly. I highly suggest teaching them in-game instead of reading through the rules with them and trying to make them understand from the text alone.

From the pony's mouth...

You may think my scores are very forgiving, and you are right. No, I would not choose to play Laser Ponies over Wild Talents or other systems aimed at adults... unless I wanted to have a game night with my god-daughter Allegra. Laser Ponies is perfectly tailored to its chosen demographic. I highly encourage my fellow nerds to pick up a copy to share with their young kids. It's well worth the $1.99, even if you only play it once. It might turn your Bratz-doll-loving daughter into a tabletop gamer.

If you'd like to try the Laser Ponies system with a more adult setting, I suggest you pick up the Q.A.G.S. (Quick Ass Game System) book. It is the basic system that Laser Ponies is built around, but is much more in-depth. I bought and flipped through the QAGS book and was really amused by it's writing and illustrations, but I haven't studied it at length. It is available from DriveThru RPG for $7.99 and includes more detailed options for point-based characters and advanced player combat.

How to use dice

Laser Ponies RPG

For the next Strategicon gaming convention, my friend Casey and I decided to run a game called Laser Ponies. No, I'm not kidding. It's an actual RPG game that you can buy. It was mentioned in the first season of the Happy Jack's RPG podcast (which I often host) and has been a running joke since then. We thought it was a great idea to design and run an X-rated Laser Ponies game.

What can I say? We were very, very drunk at the time. Never promise to GM a crazy game on-air during a live podcast when you are inebriated. Trust me.

I don't want to give too much of the story away, but I did want to comment on the PDFs we bought to run this game. We bought the Laser Ponies PDF and the QAGS System PDF from Drivethru RPG. The Laser Ponies book is less than $2 right now, and you can actually run the game entirely from this book. You will also be able to enjoy the amazing artwork that comes with this book...

Stop laughing! I'm not kidding! It is really a system book!

The QAGS (or Quick Ass Game System) book is one of the most entertaining system books I have ever read. I know that isn't the hardest thing to do, but it is very funny at times. It starts with the very basics and moves on from there.

How to use diceActual image from the QAGS Book

The system is pretty simple and can work for any setting. I haven't play tested our game yet, so I will hold off on my review until I've run something with it. However, I will say that for under $10 you can get both of these PDFs, get drunk, and have a lot of fun coming up with insane ideas for the most warped Pony-verse ever.