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Hm, this trope pretty much amounts to "all women are whores the only difference is that the ones we normally call whores prefer to be paid in money. The others know this is a faux pas and demand payment in attention, services and goods".




Benjamin Machanik

Ag, well most of the stereotypes about women having are ridiculously heteronormative in there view anyway. it's like they haven't progressed from the eras when men were expected to marry virgins but that brothels were still needed because the men needed to fulfill 'their animal desires.' The naysayers you mentioned aren't even thinking about the bisexual and homosexual communities when they make there statements.

Improbable Joe

Here's the thing... I think most of us assume that other people do things for more or less the same reason we do things. I mean, there ARE damaged people who act out and do things for bad reasons, but on the other hand that's also probably most of us at some point in our lives.

Anyhoo... yeah, so I don't think it takes any particular insight to take the basic idea that men and women are more the same than they are different, and assume that women do things for the same reasons men do things. Maybe not in equal proportion, but it isn't like there's a whole separate set of motivations. That's just weird to assume otherwise, but I grew up in a cave and was raised by wolves so what do I know?

Except that maybe there's one motivation that women have for sex that doesn't apply to (straight)men: rebellion. And I mean that it in the positive sense, in that it is liberating to do what you want in a world where idiot puritan pundits, and everyone else, are telling you that you are wrong to want what you want, and to do what makes you happy.




And if you choose not to have sex, or to only have sex within a committed relationship (I'm not taking after 3 dates, or 6, or even 9), it's no picnic either. Despite all the rhetoric you cite, Greta, people are quite baffled by the other end of the spectrum as well - especially if one isn't a conservative Christian or other religious type.

I think the bottom line here is criticizing women, especially young women, and perpetuating the virgin/whore dichotomy, except these days it's almost more difficult to find a middle ground. Don't be a frigid prude, but don't be a slut either. Be willing and sexy, but don't like sex too much and don't give it up too easily. Etc etc. It's the same old no win situation.

Graham Martin-Royle

Checking out the comments on AlterNet it would appear that some people don't find sex to be fun. I think they're doing it wrong.





Surely I am not the first to suggest that Bill O'Reilly is just jealous because he's never had sex that blasted him out of his mind?



For years after breaking up with my ex, I simply had no interest whatsoever in getting into another relationship. I couldn't possibly be celibate for long, and faking interest in a relationship to get sex would just be cruel to everyone involved, no matter what the stupid stereotypes say about men being happy to be used for sex by women.


On a somewhat related note, thank you, *thank you*, THANK YOU for saying that it's okay, and even healthy to be single for longer than the socially approved 'break' between relationships. Even though I know being single was the best thing for me (and the poor bastards I would've made miserable if I had tried to have any relationships instead of staying single), I've had a lot of trouble tuning out the cultural assumption that people who stay single for any length of time must be unloveable.


I think that they are simply trying to put too much importance on sex. Sex is fun, it's great with other people. It's fantastic and funny and silly and passionate and it makes your pulse race. There is nothing wrong with it. Why some people, largely conservative Christians, treat it like it is something wrong says more about them than about sex itself.



greg macdougall

Hi, interesting thoughts
Also interesting I don't think I saw the word 'patriarchy' anywhere mentioned
Of course, if you're talking about female-female casual sex, the patriarchal influence will be a bit different

I thought you might be interested in this take on things, from Jonathan Zap. It's good to be conscious of what we're not conscious of :) It starts off:


The most consistent theme these dreams expose is the toxicity of promiscuous patriarchal sexuality. ..."


Occidental Yogi

I mosied on over to Susan Walsh's Hooking Up Smart website and from the comments her blog about your garnered, it appears there is a huge disconnect between what you consider casual or promiscuous sex and what many of the comments consider the same.



You assumed Susan's hetero readers would count your sexual encounters with other women in the "casual" category, where it seems they don't count it in any category at all.





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The others know this is a faux pas and demand payment in attention, services and goods". its a heteronormative view, but what stands out to me most is the disconnect on both sides.


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I think casual sex usually comes from a time in your life when you don't want commitment but enjoy sex, and who doesn't? I think if people are responsible (take the necessary steps to prevent pregnancy and disease) and are willing, screw what everyone else thinks about it.

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lol great thoughts sex is such a huge deal and really important, it should be more widely discussed.

Loucinda Kresge

I absolutely loved this article! Greta's insights into why women have casual sex and the reasons why it can be a beautiful, wonderful, empowering thing made me cry. I for so long bought society's notion that casual sex is "bad" and even when I was in my rebellious 20's and 30's and thought that I was free from this, I really wasn't. Now that I am in my forties and am finally freeing myself once and for all from these negative stereotypes, it is women like Greta who help me clarify my thinking. Thanks again!

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Reading this article let me remember all the things I like most single. (well, I still miss eating ice cream on the sofa in my underwear, but no matter. I always found casual sex is an incredible belief and interesting (like one night stand little!) And when I met was shocked people don't think so. The nice thing is that I'm not the only one. :)

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