Mark Hayter: A calendar change is in the works

How many people in this country had birthdays yesterday … yesterday being Feb. 29? Quit guessing. It’s 200,000, give or take. There are fewer people with birthdays on Feb. 29 than on any other day. That just stands to reason, doesn’t it?

Another thing that stands to reason is the creation of a leap year. The idea was actually adopted about 2070 years ago, by a guy who worked for Julius Caeser. No idea what the person’s name was because the calendar is generally named after the head of the government who agreed to adopt it. The Julian calendar replaced a luna calendar preferred by most empires. The moon used to be a big deal. About 1500 years after Ceaser, Pope Gregory XIII replaced it with the Gregorian model. Again, the Pope didn’t have the smarts to invent the thing. But he did have the power to adopt it for every catholic on the planet.

At that time, there were riots in the streets because there were a lot of non-Catholics who didn’t want to make a change. (The change required the loss of 11 days. In 1752, Jan. 1 started on Jan. 11. George Washington’s birthday was actually on Feb. 11, but now it’s on Feb. 22. The U.S and Britain were among the last to switch over to the Gregorian Calendar.

In truth, the Pope had a valid reason for changing over to his calendar. You see, Caeser’s calendar had more leap years than was necessary. When you have too many leap years over the course of 1500 years, you end up being several days behind in comparison to an actual year, which is 365 days five hours and four minutes. Hey, blame it on God… or perhaps the person who determined the speed of an hour. (Stay with me here.)

Like the Julian Calendar, the Gregorian also had leap years, only fewer. Gregory’s calendar is still not perfectly accurate. However, the best calendar in the history of Calendardom has now been proposed! And, boy, is it needed. As in every year, school districts have to figure out the date on which to start Spring Break. The day of the week that Christmas falls on will determine when the Christmas Holidays begin. Last year it was on a Saturday. This year it will be on a Friday. To figure out dates for the coming year, we must always look at next year’s calendar. And each year, calendars, diaries, and uh, stuff with dates in ‘em have to be reprinted. Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, but what’s the date? Last Thanksgiving was so close to December 25, that people had fewer days to shop for Christmas. And the world, as we know it, has yet to get over it.

But more important than that, calendar makers, businesses, publishers, schedulers for sporting events… they all have to rewrite the dates of their regular meetings and interest rate collections, game days, and a lot of other technical stuff. And that, my friend, is what has led us to the new 364-day calendar. It’s called the Hanke-Henry Permanent Calendar. NOTE: The 364-day calendar has been around since the days of the Mayans, the Persians, Egyptians… In other words, it’s nothing new, except for one thing. The decision of what to do with the one day of the year that is not counted. Well, we’re going to forget that now, because I want to show you some cool things about the calendar. With it, every birthday, holiday, IRS Day… falls on the same day of the week, each year.

Christmas and New Year will always fall on a Monday. September 1 will always be on a Friday. October will lose a day, so I suppose Halloween will change to October 30, which will always be a Tuesday. And, yes, Thanksgiving will still be on Thursday, but the Thursday will always be November 23rd.

To make this happen, the Hanke and Henry gave every third month 31 days, and all others 30 days. So you can forget the 30 days has September, April, June, and November rhyme because September and June both have 31 days. And get this, February has 30 days! It’s revolutionary.

I know what you’re thinking. “What’s love got to do with it?” -- No that’s not it. -- You want to know what happens to the extra day each year? Nothing happens to it… until after six years. It is then that the six days we lost in that period of time, plus the one day we lost in not having leap year at the four-year mark equal seven days. And with seven days, we end up with -- are you ready for it? -- Leap Week! Or, as it’s named on the calendar -- “Extra Week.” -- Any child born during Extra Week will have a birthday on, say, The fourth of Extra Week. Not a problem for me, because my birthday will always fall on a Monday in August.

By the way, this is a happening thing. And it will happen between now and possibly Jan. 20, 2021. You see, the Julian Calendar was named after Julius Caesar, and the Gregorian after Pope Gregory 13th, neither of whom, devised the calendar. They're simply the ones who agreed to adopt it. The Hanke and Henry Calendar will be named after the first world leader who adopts it. So, I have every confidence that our new 364-day calendar will be called The Trumpian. Or perhaps, The Donald. -- Oh, it’s happening all right.