An Exploration of the Proper Relations Between Men and Women

Don’t get me wrong, I am a fairly liberal guy. I believe that men and women are full social, political, intellectual and artistic equals. Furthermore, as a result of the previous liberal and virtuous propositions, men and women should go to the same schools and work in similar cubicle space/networking environments. Seeing this, it is discernible that men and women are equals, and so on. And the great cycle of truth continues, more steadfast and objective than geometry.

In fact, I’m so open minded I would even live with a woman, or perhaps even sleep in the same bed with one, or even, someday, marry one. I am not ashamed to say that I would be proud to marry a woman, with whom the gender of my child is irrelevant.

But I digress in my defense of diversity. Many women are witches, let us first admit to that. Some live in woods, others in cities. Their feet have no toes, they have no hair and must wear wigs, digging sores into their scalps and putting them in bad moods: and because of this, they enjoy scaring and eating little children. Case in point: Hansel and Gretel were first scared, then eaten by witches. OK,not eaten per se, but without the aid of a kindhearted woodcutter,they would have been. These witches happened to be women. Not all women are witches, I’m not one to stereotype, simply most of them. I’d say a good 40-50%.

A friend of mine was once turned into a mouse by witches. Well, first they flattered him with all varieties of absurd witch talk, which sound reasonable to someone only under a witch’s spell: “No, I don’t have a boyfriend,” or “I just want a guy who can make me laugh.”weeknights this fall on A&E My friend believed this all, captivated by the Siren’s song and stayed many hours in their company. Soon he was a mouse, surrounded by mousetraps loaded with guacamole and melted cheese on Triscuts.

As this example shows, witches will always betray man, no matter what the circumstances. They will say things like, “Hello,” and “Nice to meet you” at a party,leading you to believe they might be willing to make-out with you, when this is precisely the farthest thing from the truth. Later, these same witches will laugh at you behind your back with their insufferable pagan-kind by calling you weird and unattractive. This cruelty done unto men is insufferable, and is most probably the work of female witch-magic.

Some men are under the impression that all witches are either virgins or whores. These men are obviously under a witch spell of some sort, oblivious to the true nature of witches: the true source frustration amongst the male species, the frustration that puts him at war with all his fellow men. Why does a man get up in the morning? Comb his hair and wash his underarms? Why does a man write, read Camus, or pretend to like jazz music? Yet the struggle is vainglorious. For to enter into equal convenant with a witch, in any matter of speaking, is to rival to the likes of the mighty Zeus, or brutish Hercules, or any other manner of Greek God.

I was at a party last night and I invested a good forty-five minutes in conversation with a rather attractive girl. I pulled out all the stops, trying to steer the conversation towards any sub-ject that might portray me in a favorable light without overtly having to brag, which is unmanly and pathetic. I thought all was well and we were observing proper male-female relations. But as I was walking her back to her place, she turned into a fox and ran into the forest. Cursed witches.