October 19, 2013

World War R

As affluent whites push blacks out of Washington D.C., it has suddenly become crucial for the Washington NFL team to drop its name of "The Washington Redskins." Because it's the symbolic stuff that really matters.

So, what would make a good replacement name for the Washington football team? Some suggestions:

The Washington Palefaces
The Washington Pandas
The Washington Gentrifiers
The Washington SWPLs
The Washington Mall
The Washington Consensus
The Washington Sacajaweas
The Washington Gergens
The Washington Lobbyists
The Washington Close Personal Friends of Prince Bandar
The Washington Pundits (But would that be anti-Asian Indian?)
The Washington People of Pallor
The Washington V-22 Ospreys
The Washington IRSs
The Washington NGOs
The Washington NPRs
The Washington Ridesharers
The Washington Helium Reserve
The Washington Bailouts
The Washington Printing Presses
The Washington Skyboxes
The Washington Magical Negroes
The Washington Beltways
The Washington Talking Heads
The Washington Spinners
The Washington Wide Stances
The Washington Cthulhus


Anonymous said...

Vampire Squids

Mr. Anon said...

How about a name that truly characterizes the people who live in and around our nations capital:

The Washington Parasites

Anonymous said...

The Washington Reds

Glossy said...

I'm guessing that the Skins' owner is milking this situation for advantage. The longer he holds out, the more outrage is built up by the media, the more favors the NFL will have to give him to ensure a name change.

Titus Didius Tacitus said...

The Washington Parasites

Anonymous said...

What’s next the Cleveland Browns?

Hmm - how about The Washington Obamas?

ScarletNumber said...

Washington Monuments.

If you want to be accurate, Maryland Suburbanites.

ScarletNumber said...

I thought this was going to be about Retards.

TomV said...

The Washington Feds.
The Washington Interns.
The Washington Anti-racists.

blogger said...

Libs liked Avatar. So, blueskins for a blue city.

Anonymous said...

The Fightin' Neo-Cons!

Alcalde Jaime Miguel Curleo said...

I like Washington Thinskins, that may have been a Limbaugh suggestion from years back

Anonymous said...

Washington Bureaucrats.

Alcalde Jaime Miguel Curleo said...

The Wonkettes

Jorn said...

The Washington Drones

California Clippers said...

If you want to be accurate, Maryland Suburbanites

I hate this trend of re-naming teams like the Marlins or the Patriots for regional appeal but if we're going to do this, I suggest Mid-Atlantic Minorities

Cajin said...

The Washington Tea Partiers.

Because those people are scary, dominating, and cannot be reasoned with...or so I've been told.

Anonymous said...

They should never be scheduled for games on Columbus Day or Thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

How about commemorating one of the most formidable militaries this country has ever had to face - the Redcoat?

Anonymous said...

Gergens. That's a good one.

San Franciscan non-monk said...

Polar Bears

Norm Mineta postage stamp said...

The strategic helium reserve deserves more respect, yes

Anonymous said...

The Washington Sinecures.
The Washington Pensioneers.

Anonymous said...

The Washington Scumsuckers.

Anonymous said...

After this is settled,we need to come up with new logos for other teams that may have names which are offensive to some members of our society
- Los Angeles Angles, San Diego Padres (religion)
- Atlanta Braves, Clevland Indians (more native American slurs)
- Clevland Browns, Milwaukee Bucks ( racial stereotypes )

Anonymous said...

the washington washingtons

Svigor said...

Washington Porkskins?

Washington Vampires is my favorite. A vampire's head could easily replace the Indian head. But other possibilities include:
Washington Leeches
Washington Filchers
Washington Sharpers
Washington Grifters
Washington Looters
Washington Parasites
Washington Wreckers
Washington Anglers

But anon's Washington Reds is probably the best combination of parsimony and accuracy.

Auntie Analogue said...

Pick your fave - The Washington...

- Bloodsuckers
- Vultures
- Traitors
- Back-Stabbers
- Spendocrats
- Face-Stabbers
- Islamophiles
- Hot Air Generators
- Corporate Puppets
- Liars
- Contemptibles
- Pestilence
- Bullshitters
- Manipulators
- Chameleons
- Radicals
- Holier-Than-Thous
- Multiculturalists / Multiculturals
- Nation Of Immigrants
- Socialists
- Dictators
- Sacred Cows
- Thieves
- Scammers
- Phonies
- ClimateChangers
- Loathsome
- Stooges
- Parasites

SFG said...

I kind of liked the idea of having 'New York Jews' and 'San Francisco Chinamen', actually, as per the famous viral picture opposing the Cleveland Indians. We can charge Germans and Palestinians double price for attendance, throw pennies at the opposing team, and serve lox and bagels in the stands.

Anonymous said...

The Washington Toe-tappers.

Anonymous said...

How is that there are so many blacks on the team but no names based on African warrior tribes?

You'd think blacks would demand it rather than playing as Vikings or Buccaneers.

Whatever happened to Afro-centrism?

I think this will happen one day when the Liberal narrative changes.

Most Libs are drones, so if the Lib elites say "it's racist to name sports teams after minorities", they just nod along.
But if the narrative changes to, "it's racist to have no teams named after African folks when so many blacks play on the teams", that will be the new narrative repeated by all the Libs.

To hasten such eventuality, whenever Libs complain about team names, Cons should agree and have all team names changed to white ones: Germanic Warriors, Russian Knights, Roman Legion, Spanish Conquitadores, and etc.

With all teams named after white folks, Libs will then bitch about how the team names are not 'diverse' and 'inclusive' enough.
Libs just need something to bitch about in order to feel morally superior.

Anonymous said...

The Washington RawMuslGlutes.

Anonymous said...

The Washington Republican Closet Cases.

Anonymous said...

If being used as a team name is an insult, then how about naming teams after the Nazis, SS, KKK, Communists, Fascists, Islamic Terrorists, Death Squads, NKVD, etc.

And if having an Indian mascot is offensive to Indians, then we should have a Nazi mascot for the team Nazis since it will be an insult against Nazis.

Ichabod Crane said...

Washington Human Skins

Anonymous said...


If Indians say so, who are we to disagree?

Looks like Indiaphilia pushed by Flathead Friedman is over. For awhile, he had many Americans believing that all of India would be one giant Silicon Valley.

Crawfurdmuir said...

@ Anonymous, who wrote - "How about commemorating one of the most formidable militaries this country has ever had to face - the Redcoat?"

The Washington Turncoats would be even better.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I wonder though...

Is India's big problem corruption or messiness?

I mean a people can be neatly and efficiently corrupt.
And a people can be messily honest.
It's like even if urban blacks were to be totally honest and uncorrupt, they'll still be loud, abrasive, wild, and messy in many ways.

Looks like Indians are corrupt AND messy. But even if they were to become less corrupt, they might still be messy in the way they talk, argue, throw fits, and etc.

Anonymous said...


Half of Jharkhand legislators face criminal cases, says govt


You can't make this stuff up. It's like a real-life Sacha Cohen movie.

But we are told more Indians will be the salvation of the US economy.

Anonymous said...

This whole Redskins controversy is just about one side continuing to show that it, and it alone, gets to set the standards for what is and is not acceptable. This is not a pressing issue. No one is dying, becoming ill or losing their livelihood because of this name. There is no reason to debate this other than for one side to continue to show its dominance over the other.

Herein lies my beef. Conservatives like Pat Buchanan realize that this is just another front on the broader culture war, and that surrendering by agreeing to change the name only represents more kowtowing to the other side. Those conservatives know the name of a football team is not important, but surrendering because the other side demands it is what is important.

Enter the neocons who are supposed to be our allies. The neocons are stalwarts when it comes to overseas hegemony, bombing Iran and supporting Israel. On this there is no room to waiver, or one might be accused of being Neville Chamberlain at Munich.

Yet on social issues like this or other domestic issues like the budget or immigration, the neocons have no interest in any prolonged debates, lest it weaken our resolve on the foreign policy front. They are prepared to give the left all it wants at home in exchange for allowing them to play king makers in the Middle East.

Take Krauthammer's latest column about the Redskins. He goes out of his way to condemn the language police. But then he essentially makes a good argument that the name is offensive and should be changed, albeit a moderate change to just "Skins".

Like good lawyers neocons are able to argue either side of a position. In fact most issues have valid points on either side. It is often just a matter of which side does a better job in presenting its points to undecided people. But most of us would prefer attorneys who argue our side of the case than those who adopt the positions of the other side. Can you imagine your attorney in a civil suit telling you to capitulate because the plaintiff is making some good points? No, you want your attorney to defend you to the hilt.

And that is the problem. Conservatives brought the neocons into the party because they knew they were academics and were supposed to advocate our positions in a more polished manner. And they did during the Cold War. But since then it's been a one way street in which the conservative base elects the GOP who implement the neocons' foreign policy while the base gets no support from the "brain trust" on the home front. Not only do we not get no support, but they actually advocate for the other side.

Anonymous said...

Washington Federals

that or

Washington Cronies

Reg Cæsar said...

She may not have realized it at the time, but HBD Chick posted a slew of attractive alternatives.

Anonymous said...

The Washington Billionaires


The Washington Undocumented

The Washington Kings (MLK Jr. as mascot, of course)

By the way, there is a serious movement to name the team the "Red Tails."

Anonymous said...

"The Washington Leeches". That sums up what out capital city is really all about.

Anonymous said...




Anonymous said...



Harry Baldwin said...

How about the "Washington Red Inks"? Uses almost all the same letters.

Anonymous said...

The Fighting Scots-Irish of Washington

Noah172 said...

The A-Pack (get it?)

The Washington Leviathon

The Washington Broders

The Washington Gerrymanders

The Washington Sequesters

The Washington Shutdown

The Washington Debtors

The Washington Chosen People

The Washington Diversity

Anonymous said...

My friend and Dallas Cowboy fans would refer to this team as the Foreskins.

Alas, I assume there would be protests against this name from those who have, or have not, been circumcised.

Let's just save everyone time with all these sports teams names can call them all United.

fwood1 said...

How about the Redskin Potatoes?

Anonymous said...

Washington Vibrants

Anonymous said...

Washington Whachamacallit.


Anonymous said...



Steve in Greensboro said...

Washington Orcs
Washington Parasites
Washington Pinworms
Washington Candiru
Washington Lamprey

Luke Lea said...

Washington Whigglers, Whoppers, Neanderthals, Villains, Porkers, Sharks, Whales, Serpents, Plug Ugglies Busters . . . ?

Washington Lawyers!

Anonymous said...

The Washington Politcally Correct or The Washington Poliical Correctors

Or The Thieves (no city necessary to idenify those who steal from those whjo are productive)

Ted said...

The Washington Pervs

Anonymous said...

How about the Washington Potato Skins?

JI said...

The Washington Boondoggles.

Anonymous said...

Solved by Fred Reed: the "Washington Milquetoasts”.

Anonymous said...

The DC Snipers

jeppo said...

The Washington Zionists
The Washington Hood Rats
The Washington Honky Stompers
The Washington Cracker Killers
The Washington Israelites
The Washington Ghetto Fabulists
The Washington Dreadlocks
The Washington Judeophiles
The Washington Chocolateers
The Washington Anti-Americans
The Washington Bumboclots
The Washington Prison Rapists
The Washington Eightballs
& etc.

Anonymous said...

To quell current anger and restore the team's prestige, they should simply drop "Washington" from their name.

Anonymous said...

And now every time the Redskins come to town the natives can put on their war paint and protest. Minneapolis (Redskins visit November 7) may try a more legalistic hate speech in the workplace approach.

Chris said...

White Hispanics

David said...

POP. Person of Pallor. I'm using this.

Matthew said...

I feel that the team name needs to pay homage to D.C.'s intellectual types - those who have served our country so well and made us a beacon to the world, a city on a hill.

It should also recognize those brave men who make up the thin blue line protecting civilization from anarchy. How many teams have cops as their mascots? Not one, I'd bet.

It should also atone for the team's old sin by recognizing the people who helped them to see the light and change their name.

Thus I propose we call them the Washington Thought Police.

Anonymous said...

The Washington Fighting Engines. Say it out loud. Their mascot could be a race car with no hood over the motor, and a smiling face on the grill. Might appeal to the NASCAR fans and still piss off the politically correct.

Anonymous said...

The whole point of this is not to end oppression, it's to punish we, the oppressors. When understood in that light, it becomes obvious what the name should be changed to:

The Washington Crackers.

Anonymous said...

Rednecks. Think of all the mischief that would create! The problem of course is the living, breathing real life rednecks would be proud & happy to have a pro team named after them.
Yet just imagine all the abuse the MSM could heap upon them! Win-Win!

Anonymous said...

The Washington Israelis
The Washington Pigs
The Washing Closets
The Washington Interior Decorators
The Washington Scandal
The Washington Corruption
The Washington Epidemics
The Washington Plague
The Washington Rats
The Washington Dipsticks
The Washington Haircuts
The Washington Lone Gunmen
The Washington Arms Suppliers
The Washington Whores
The Washington Loopholes

Anonymous said...

The Washington Statists

Honest Abe Foxman said...

The Washington Denzels?

Jon said...

- Los Angeles Angles, San Diego Padres (religion)
- Atlanta Braves, Clevland Indians (more native American slurs)
- Clevland Browns, Milwaukee Bucks ( racial stereotypes )"

How about some gay team names:

Texas Rump Rangers
Green Bay Fudge Packers
Pittsburg Butt Pirates

Anonymous said...

The Washington Crooks

The Washington Corruptocrats

The Washington Elitist Bastards

The Washington Treasonists

The Washington Benedict Arnolds

Jorn said...

The Filibusterers