The Sleepy Eye Herald Dispatch - Sleepy Eye, MN
  • I hereby resolve

  • What is it about the beginning of a new year that motivates many of us to proclaim our delusions of self-reform?
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    Each new year, otherwise rational people (you know who you are) make resolutions meant to make them more organized, addiction-free and healthier even though for the past hundred years those same resolutions have gone to the way-side.
    For whatever reason, Hubby decided that our lives have become muddled and as newlyweds, we need to make some changes beginning in the new year.
    When Hubby announced this to me I pondered why after only six months of marriage he already thought we needed reform, but before I could consider any further he was shoving an agreement he’d drawn up under my nose.
    The agreement began with the date Jan. 1, 2013. Hubby and wife (now jointly referred to as a “couple”) whereas the new year is approaching we are both bound not only by marriage, but also by new year resolutions.
    Our resolutions according to Hubby go something like this:
    Diet: Couple shall reduce intake of calories and not tempt each other with junk food or comfort food except on special occasions which include hot summer days when a cold beer would taste really good, birthday’s, Sunday sporting events, when we are tired after work and don’t feel like cooking healthy meals or an occasional Saturday or Sunday when we feel that we’ve been consistently following our resolution and deserve a treat.
    Couple shall modify alcohol intake to include Hubby drinking “lite” beer and wife refraining from nagging about how many “lite” beers he is drinking.
    Exercise: Couple shall occasionally join each other on a walk or at the health club when there is nothing good on TV to watch. The couple may consider purchasing exercise equipment to use indoors when weather is below 70 degrees which couple will make reasonable efforts to use, unless the equipment is currently in use as a clothes hanger.
    Whoever than decides to use the exercise equipment must first put clothes hanging on equipment away and shall then count that time as exercise.
    Finances: Couple shall create a budget for necessities such as housing, utilities, food, clothing, doctor bills, cable and poker allowance. Wife shall not criticize Hubby when he overspends on poker allowance budget “once-in-a-while.” 
    Family: Couple shall make an effort to spend more quality time together defined as time when each is awake and nobody is yelling. Violations: Couple shall not nag each other when they fall astray from said resolutions. Couple shall exercise restrain when resolutions violations occur. Hubby and wife shall instead take notes and get a head start on next year’s list.
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    Happy New Year!
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