Celeb zingers of the week

By , QMI Agency

First posted:

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "There's a certain amount of vanity involved, and dignity. I wouldn't feel good singing my own songs unless I looked decent, and I couldn't really do my job if I was a fat git."

Sting tells Zoomer magazine that being a slim git is what helps him with the hard work of keeping his head so far up his own fundament.



It means you can't misbehave without people finding out, stupid. Tiger Woods gets all huffy about privacy in his web message last week about his "transgressions," perhaps forgetting that picking downmarket kiss-and-tell girlfriends might have an effect on his wife's privacy. Just a thought.


Eva Longoria Parker talks about life with her NBA husband, Tony Parker, and probably needs to have a chat with Elin Nordegren.

3) "You just have to see how the Lord's will is done. I mean, how many times have your kids disappointed you so profoundly you wanted to get up from the chair and knock them out?"

Mary Hudson, a devout pastor and the mother of singer Katy Perry, chats to the UK Sun about her daughter's relationship with bad boy Russell Brand.

Both Perry's parents are ministers, and living in fruitcake land, apparently.

4) "We as a family are under a lot pressure. People want to make us look bad and want us to fail ... The world, again, always wants to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard."

Joe Simpson, father of Jessica and Ashlee, tells Us magazine that everybody in the whole wide world is against him and his kin. Don't they have a pill for that now?


1) It's hard for a man to stay home for two years, change diapers, make meals and deal with doctor's appointments and all the stuff you expect your wife to do."

Jon Gosselin: Braying jackass or whining little droplet of repellent human detritus?

2) "He rehabilitated an old, decaying piece of property and people were very happy about that ... But the feeling is that he acted a bit precipitously in clearing the trees ...This is a town where money isn't an issue. What matters are good manners and caring about the community."

A local in Westchester County uses the word "arriviste" in a sentence explaining how Richard Gere cut down 200 trees in the neighbourhood without permission. Ouchee.

3) "They were for my boyfriend at the time ... if you don't send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel sorry for him."

Rihanna tells a radio station she's not sorry about her naked pictures. She's just sorry they got leaked.

4) "They are like long-lost twin brothers separated at birth. Simon Cowell and Ron Burgundy are pretty much the same role, apart from Simon being ruder ... It would be pretty fun getting into character as well. I would have to walk along the street and say, 'Hey, you're too fat to be a star,' or go to a concert and shout out to the artist, 'Never gonna happen.' "

Will Ferrell pretends it's his ambition to play Simon Cowell in a movie and then totally takes the mickey out. It almost makes you like Will Ferrell.

5) "I like to have cash on me because it feels like I have money."

50 Cent works in mysterious ways and explains why he usually has about $25,000 in cash in his back pocket. And people wonder where the expression "put a cap in his ass" comes from?


1) Gay actor Rupert Everett says you can't make it as an actor in the film business if people know you're gay. "It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point."

2) The thrice-married Meredith Baxter says she's a lesbian.


Natalie Portman says she was not one of the cool kids growing up. She tells Marie Claire magazine, "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college. But I think that's a good thing in many ways."


Sir Paul McCartney has an important ritual that he undertakes before every concert. "I've got a couple of little things I do in the dressing room, but it's really minimal, you know, it's more superstitious than anything. I gargle with salt water."

Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z. Sorry! Did we doze off?


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