BJ Gallagher 2014-03-17T00:07:36-04:00 BJ Gallagher Copyright 2008,, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for BJ Gallagher Good old fashioned elbow grease. Jennifer Louden Teaches Women to Live Mindfully,2014:/theblog//3.4901863 2014-03-05T16:44:44-05:00 2014-03-05T16:59:02-05:00 BJ Gallagher Why Don't I Do the Things I Know Are Good for Me? Self-care is such a challenge for so many women -- we are so busy taking care of others that we neglect ourselves. Jennifer Louden is an expert on self-care and she's helped millions of women with her books and workshops. She understands women and why we don't always act in our own self-interest.

When I discovered her new book, The Life Organizer: A Woman's Guide to a Mindful Year, I was curious. Was this a new topic for the renowned self-care expert? Or is organizing your life an aspect of self-care? I wanted to learn more so I asked Jennifer for an interview. She graciously agreed.

BJG: I've loved your previous books about self-care for women and that's the area of expertise that you're best known for. Tell me, what made you write about this new topic: organizing? I suspect there's a connection between the two, but I'd like to hear how you came to write this new book.

Jennifer Louden: I'll let everybody in on a secret: this book isn't about traditional organizing. I like a shopping spree at the Container Store and my list app as much as the next gal, but that's only half the story of organizing our lives -- the easier half. The other side is listening to our needs and dreams, and making sure those get honored and included.

I realized when my daughter was little (she's almost 20 now!) that the feeling I had of being pulled in a thousand directions and not doing anything well was not going to go away, no matter how many cute wicker baskets I bought for my clutter. I knew I needed a way to navigate my life that accepted being interrupted, that included all the roles I played, that included my needs and desires.

This book is a deeper iteration of self-care. It's living your life by mindful choice through a few simple concepts and tools.

BJ: Your book is really lush and gorgeous... a feast for the eyes, for sure. What part does the book's design and layout play in delivering the message you have for your readers?


J.L.: Pleasure and beauty matter. Allowing ourselves small pleasures strongly affects our happiness and satisfaction, yet in our rush to get things done, these are often the first things we jettison. I'm all about getting sensual pleasure and beauty back into our lives, especially to support the healthy and mindful habits we're each trying to create. Mindfulness does not need to be dry and austere -- thus the book's beautiful design. Also, research shows we make successful habit changes by breaking things down into small increments and the book's structure is all about getting you to take small steps directed from the inside out.

New World Library is one of the coolest publishing houses on the planet, with authors including Eckhart Tolle, Marc Allen, Shakti Gawain, to name just a few. What's it like to publish with them?

New World Library cares about their authors. Honestly, some publishers act as if they would rather the books dropped out of the sky, unattached to a person with desires and plans for their book. New World Library wants me to be involved and supports all my efforts. Plus everybody has a great sense of humor, which is at the top of my list for working with anybody.

As a successful author, I'll bet people ask you for publishing advice all the time. What advice do you give others who aspire to become authors, too?

I always ask clients who hire me about writing or getting published, "Why do you want to write a book?" You need to know why because books aren't a brass ring, although people often think they are. They very rarely make you money and publishing one never signals you have "made it." Don't wait for someone else to pat you on the head and validate your ideas. That model is, thankfully, dead. Do know why you want to write and publish: to build your business, spread a message, gain credibility for teaching? Then be sure and learn about all the ways there are to publish - that world changes constantly.

In addition to writing wonderful books, do you offer workshops and seminars ... or webinars? I know most authors speak as well as write, so I'm wondering if it's the same with you, too. Are you on the road doing workshops and/or keynotes?

I started speaking and teaching because I was literally called to - as in the phone rang - after my first book, The Woman's Comfort Book, became a word-of-mouth bestseller way back in 1992. I had no idea what I was doing, and through much uncomfortable trial and error, I learned that I love to teach as much as I love to write. I teach mostly online now, offering several courses once or twice a year and a live writing retreat in Taos every summer, and then a few keynotes here and there. You can find details at my website.

What's your favorite part of your new book?

The section on "Desire" (page 37-42). I love the idea that desire is the flow of life urging us to be present, awake, and taking action on what we care about without getting caught up in outcome. I love the idea of how desire brings us back, over and over again, to being more alive and more connected to what we most care about, rather than what we fear desire will do, which is make us selfish and self-absorbed. I love how revolutionary an idea it is, especially for women, to ask often, "What do I want?"

Why did you create an app to go with the book?

Because a big part of leading a mindful life is being reminded to check-in with yourself, and a crucial tool in making changes in your life is tracking those changes. The app elegantly and playfully does all that, and more. There is a desktop version and also an i-phone/i-pad app right now, and both are currently free, and the Android came out on March 1st! Details are here:

Got any new books in the works? What can you tell me about the cool things you're up to next?

I'm "touching" a project every day except Sundays (if you read pages 240-242 in the book, you'll see I'm using my own advice). It's about the moments in life when we decide to go left or right, to do something or do nothing. I hope it will be a collection of stories and ideas for how to meet those times skillfully, but right now it's a lot of scribbles and teeth grinding.

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me, Jennifer. I know my readers will enjoy your new book as much as I'm enjoying it.


For more on Jennifer Louden and her books, visit]]>
The One-Minute Manager Gets 'Fit at Last',2014:/theblog//3.4861957 2014-02-27T18:57:56-05:00 2014-02-27T18:59:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher What has he done with himself? I wondered. So I worked my way through the crowd of authors, agents, publicists, BK staffers and BK fans to give Ken a hug and find out what he'd been up to.

"You look amazing!" I told him. "What have you been up to?"

He hugged me and said, "I finally got fit. I guess you could say 'I got religion'... the fitness religion. I'm writing a book about it."

"Wonderful!" I said. "Will you send me a copy? Whatever you've been doing to look so good, I want some of that, too."

A couple weeks ago the book arrived with a lovely note from Ken. I dove right in, eager to find out how the formerly chubby One Minute Manager had transformed himself into Mr. Fitness. Did it take more than a minute?

As I read, I found myself identifying with much of Ken's story. I, too, have struggled with my weight for many years -- trying diets and weight loss schemes, joining gyms but then not going, and making promises to myself, as well as public pronouncements to friends and family, that this time I was serious, this time I was really going to lose weight and get into shape. Only to discover that the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions -- the road to obesity hell, in particular.

Ken tried all the things that people with weight problems try: diets, Weight Watchers, joining gyms, making commitments to his wife Margie and his kids that he would take better car of himself. Alas, to no avail. The years went by, and Ken's poor self-care habits took their toll: He looked pale and unhealthy, he listed to one side when he walked, limped like he was in pain, and huffed and puffed with even the slightest bit of exertion. Two hip replacements helped, but no surgeries can take the place of basic healthy eating, weight management, and exercise. Ken feared he was headed for an early death if he didn't mend his ways. At the rate he was going, his obituary was likely to read: "Ken Blanchard, death by cheesecake."

Ken Blanchard "BEFORE"

Who among us hasn't struggled to do what we know is good for us? It's not for lack of information -- we all know what we should do! It's a motivation problem, a self-management problem, a matter of discipline and commitment. And yet many of us show ample discipline and commitment in other aspects of our lives, but when it comes to food and fitness, our discipline and commitment seem to fly right out the window. Even the venerable Saint Paul had this problem:

"I don't understand myself. I want to do what is right but I do not do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate ... It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what's right, I inevitably do what's wrong." (St. Paul, Romans 7:15)

It's true that misery loves company, and when it comes to struggling with weight and healthy habits, I find it comforting to at least know that I'm not alone. If the talented and successful One Minute Manager and the venerable Saint Paul have trouble with doing the right thing, then at least I'm in good company.

But enough about the problem -- let's talk about the solution! Just what did Ken Blanchard discover on his journey to fitness? What can the rest of us Baby Boomers learn from a man who believed that it's never too late to change bad, old habits and replace them with new, good ones -- even in his 70s?

Ken Blanchard "AFTER"

Ken and his coauthor Tim Kearin outline their basic principles: Have compelling reasons and a purpose; establish a mutual commitment to success; learn about situational leadership; develop age-appropriate goals; set up a support system to hold you accountable.

The most important message I got from their book is the value of enrolling others in helping you achieve what your commitment. Don't try to go it alone. We humans are social creatures, and we do much better when we surround ourselves with people who share our vision and values. If I were to summarize the primary message, I'd say: "No one can do it for you, but you can't do it alone."


For more information about Ken Blanchard and "Fit at Last," visit or

(Photos courtesy Ken Blanchard Companies; used with permission.)]]>
Addiction: The Sacred Disease,2014:/theblog//3.4756106 2014-02-11T15:11:42-05:00 2014-02-11T15:59:02-05:00 BJ Gallagher How did this happen? How could someone so gifted, so talented, so accomplished, so successful, throw it all away for drugs and/or alcohol? What possesses a person to reach for a drink, a bottle of pills, a syringe of dope, when they know what it can do to them?

They've seen other incredible artists disappear down the rabbit hole of addiction -- they've seen friends and colleagues die tragic, untimely deaths -- but still they pick up the drugs. They go for the high, the fix, the hit -- a little something to help them make it through the night.

I know what makes them do it... because I'm an addict, too. Pills, booze, cocaine, amphetamines, compulsive overeating, compulsive spending, crazy dangerous addictive relationships -- been there, done that.

Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, a self-confessed "hopeless nicotine addict" who struggled with bouts of depression, and author of The Road Less Traveled, offered the best analysis of addiction I've ever heard during a lecture he gave in 1991, "Addiction: The Sacred Disease."

Dr. Peck's thesis:

At birth, humans become separated from Source, from God. We are all aware of our separation, but some of us are more sensitive to it than others. We sensitive souls feel an emptiness, a longing, what many of us refer to as "a hole in my soul." We sense that something is missing but don't know what it is. We long for relief from the aching void inside ... but we're confused about what will ease our existential dis-ease.

At some point in our lives (often quite young) we stumble across something that eases our discomfort and makes us feel better. For some it's alcohol; for others it's drugs; for still others it's gambling, sex, compulsive spending, Internet porn, or some other substance (or activity) that hits the spot. "Ahh," we sigh, "I've found what's been missing. This is the answer to my problems. I feel so much better!" We have discovered our new best friend -- our drug of choice.

In his psychiatry practice, Dr. Peck treated a number of alcoholics and addicts. Peck said that compulsive/addictive people, as a group, are more sensitive, more intelligent and more creative than the general population. Peck observed that it is precisely our sensitive/intelligent/creative nature that makes us more susceptible to alcohol, drugs and other addictions.

Addicts feel everything so intensely -- as if our nerves are on the outside of our skin, rather than the inside. Addicts are restless, irritable and discontent. Many of us feel almost like aliens -- disconnected from family, friends and community. We sense we are "different" in some way from everyone else -- we don't feel like we fit into the normal world.

Addicts vacillate between self-loathing and grandiosity. We are plagued by self-doubt, insecurities, anxiety and filled with fears, resentments, guilt, and/or shame. We aren't comfortable in our own skin. Life is just too intense, too difficult, too stressful to endure without some form of self-medication.

Peck suggests that what addicts/alcoholics are really hungry for is Spirit... but we settle for spirits. Alcohol is a form of "cheap grace" -- as are all drugs. What we addicts really yearn for is a connection to God, alignment with the Holy, reunion with the Divine. It is a deeply spiritual hunger -- a longing to go home, back to Source.

However, we are confused about what we're longing for, so we go looking for love in all the wrong places: a bottle of booze, prescription pills, a syringe of dope, a casino, a pack of smokes, compulsive spending, Internet porn, or the bed of a new lover. We addicts will reach for anything to take the edge off, to smooth out life's rough spots, to numb the pain, to help us deal with life.

In my personal experience and that of my addict friends, Peck's analysis is right on target. If you want to know what drives bright, talented, creative, intelligent people into addiction, the most important thing to understand is this: Addicts just want to feel better.


BJ Gallagher is a sociologist and author of over two dozen books, includingWhy Don't I Do the Things I Know Are Good for Me? ]]>
In Times of Pain, Illness, Suffering, and Dying, 'That Which Is Shareable Is Bearable',2014:/theblog//3.4604617 2014-01-16T10:41:30-05:00 2014-01-25T16:01:55-05:00 BJ Gallagher My mother has Alzheimer's disease, my son has multiple sclerosis, and my dog is in remission from malignant melanoma. My closest friend has Parkinson's disease and another dear friend died of pancreatic cancer not long ago. I have written about all of these loved ones' illnesses, and when I've shared these writings, others have told me that my stories helped them.

I am shocked -- no, stunned -- that two journalists as distinguished as the New York Times' Bill Keller and his wife, The Guardian's Emma Gilbey Keller, have chosen to publicly scold blogger Lisa Adams for writing about her personal battle with cancer. As writers themselves, you'd think that the Kellers would appreciate the power of writing as a process for understanding life and coming to terms with painful experiences. Writing is cathartic. Writing is healing. Writing is a powerful way of connecting with others. Writing helps us reach inward -- and upward -- to find the holy, the numinous, the transcendent.

If there is anything I've learned from my loved ones' illnesses and dying, it's that everyone handles painful life experiences differently. Some people go into battle mode, determined to defeat their illness, while others slip into victim mode, seeing themselves as powerless and hopeless. Some folks keep a stiff upper lip, while others break down in a flood of emotions. Who is Bill Keller to tell someone else how to respond to her life-threatening illness? Doesn't everyone have the right to their own feelings about their fate?

People communicate differently, too. Some prefer to process their feelings privately -- in journals, diaries, or in a small circle of family and friends. Other choose to share their disease experiences publicly -- in books, documentaries, blogs and tweets, poetry, songs, and more. Who am I to say what level of public sharing is appropriate? Who is Emma Gilbey Keller to cancer-shame a young woman for blogging and tweeting?

Undoubtedly the most important thing I've learned from writing about my loved ones' illnesses is: "That which is shareable is bearable." Our painful burdens are lightened when we can share them with others. It's a lesson the Kellers would do well to learn.

BJ Gallagher is a sociologist, speaker, and author of over 30 books; her latest is "The Power of Positive DOING" (Simple Truths).]]>
Oscar, the Pug in a Box,2013:/theblog//3.4498597 2013-12-24T16:35:13-05:00 2014-02-23T05:59:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher
The poor dog was a mess -- paralyzed back legs, sores on his hindquarters from sitting in his own urine and feces, infested with fleas, raging bladder infection, ear mites, and more health problems than one dog should ever have to suffer. It was apparent that his owner had let the dog's health deteriorate for months -- probably years -- and done nothing to get medical attention for his canine.


But it wasn't this dog's night to die -- not that evening. A kind soul at the shelter alerted Lori Zech-Shaw at Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angeles, who promptly dispatched one of their rescuers to get him out of there. The rescuer took the dog straight to their vet, who issued a cautious prognosis. It wasn't at all clear whether this pug could be saved or not. His skin was so ulcerated with urine burns and flea infestations, it was uncertain if his sores could heal. His urinary infection was so bad that they might have to amputate his little penis. The dog had been neglected for a very long time, and now, at 13 years of age, it wasn't at all clear whether the paraplegic pug could recover -- and if he did, what his quality of life would be.

Lori Zech-Shaw posted the dog's photo and his rescue story on Pug Nation L.A.'s Facebook page. "Oscar, the Senior Pug in a Box" they called him. Oscar, named for the night he was rescued.


As I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw his sad little face peering out from the cardboard box and tears came to my eyes. Who could do this to their pet? Who could let their dog's health decline for so long without doing anything to help him? If they didn't want the dog, why didn't they turn him in to the shelter long before this? How could they let this little guy suffer so?

I immediately alerted several dog-loving friends. We all agreed -- we must do something to help rescue this pug in a box! Facebook messages flew back and forth, as did emails and phone calls. Friends pledged money to help pay his vet bills and to buy him a set of wheels so he might be able get around despite his paralyzed back end. I offered to foster him once he could leave the veterinary hospital.

My friends and I weren't alone. Thousands of people -- not just around the country, but around the world -- sent messages of compassion and support for this little dog. Hundreds of people offered to adopt him - people from as far away as Japan, Europe, and Canada. Oscar quickly became loved by many, many compassionate dog lovers who sent prayers, money, and messages of encouragement for him -- as well as for the folks who were working so valiantly to save his life.

After many days in the hospital, it became clear that some of Oscar's health problems could be fixed, while others could not. He would live, but with several chronic health conditions which would require a high level of medical maintenance. He couldn't pee on his own, so his urine would have to be expressed several times a day. He couldn't control his bowels either, so "accidents" were completely unpredictable. His hind legs were paralyzed and his front legs were very weak, so even with a set of specially built wheels, Oscar's mobility would be very limited.

But still, the little pug's will to live was strong. After being silent for many days after his rescue, Oscar started to bark softly to his caretakers when he wanted their attention. He loved to be around people and he let everyone know when he was feeling isolated from human contact. His appetite picked up and his puggie personality began to show itself. He was a little character, charming everyone who met him. It was clear that Oscar would live -- even with his chronic health issues.

The next challenge would be to find a home for him. Pug Nation L.A. began screening the applications of those who had volunteered to take Oscar in, and it was with great relief that the perfect home was found with Jamie Nalvarte, who worked at a vet tech at a veterinary hospital in El Segundo. With her professional expertise, she would be able to attend to the dog's medical needs on a daily basis. Jamie is a young mom with two kids (Bridgette and Michael), a wonderful husband, and two other special needs dogs -- she was the perfect adoptive mom for Oscar, the senior pug in a box.

Jamie Nalvarte and Oscar

It's now been almost a year since Oscar's rescue and all would agree, it's been the best year of Oscar's life. He has his own Facebook page, "The Oscar Diaries," with friends and fans numbering almost five thousand. Over the months, his loving followers have sent him cozy blankets to keep him warm in the winter, as well as a cooling bed to keep him comfy in the summer. His custom-designed wheels have enabled him to stand and move around a bit, though his weak front legs won't take him far even with the wheels. Oscar goes everywhere his family goes -- the kids' softball games, picnics in the park, the beach, and relatives' homes for holidays. Oscar is so loved that his feet rarely touch the ground, as his family and friends love to carry him everywhere.


Jamie Nalvarte, his angel of a mom, takes Oscar to work with her, since he doesn't like to be separated from her. His physical needs require attention throughout the day, so it's wonderful that the vet hospital where Jamie works lets her bring her little canine companion to work every day.

She updates Oscar's Facebook page several times a week, posting wonderful photos and health reports for his growing group of adoring fans. And just recently, Jamie held a benefit in Oscar's name to sell T-shirts and raise money for Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angeles to help other neglected, abused, and abandoned pugs like Oscar who find themselves in desperate situations.

2013-12-24-970124_532807853439075_300792209_n.jpg Michael and Oscar

Oscar has spent the past 11 months surrounded and supported by those who love him, both near and far. His suffering has broken our hearts wide open. In Oscar we can see the neglected, abandoned, abused parts of our own selves.

We think we have rescued a dog, but in reality, the dog has rescued us. Oscar has rescued our compassion -- so often crushed by the cruelty in the world around us. He has rescued our generosity -- for so long shrunk by fear of financial insecurity. He has rescued our hearts -- too often hardened by the rough and tumble of a cynical, competitive world. Oscar has rescued our humanity by reminding us: "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." (Anatole France)


This has been the best year of Oscar's life -- and sadly, the last. His health is declining and it's becoming increasingly clear that this is Oscar's last Christmas. He doesn't want to eat much -- which, if you know anything about pugs, is a sure sign that the little guy isn't feeling good. His stubborn, persistent urinary infection keeps flaring up and antibiotics are hard on his little 13-pound body. His front legs are getting weaker so that he can't use his wheels for anything other than standing in place. As his quality of life deteriorates, conversations between Jamie and Oscar's vet revolve around how to keep the dog comfortable as the end draws near.

Thanks to the boundless energy, love, and commitment of the good folks at Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angeles. Oscar didn't die as a paralyzed pug in a box that no one wanted. Instead, his rescuers gave him a chance for his life to have a happy ending. Oscar has spent his last year in a warm, safe home with a mom who was devoted to his care and two kids who adored the little old guy. Oscar will have a good death in the loving embrace of the people who are his family.

Bridgette and Oscar

But every day across the country, there are countless dogs who are neglected, abused, abandoned, or dumped by the humans who are supposed to take care of their pets. For every happy ending like Oscar's, there are thousands -- perhaps tens of thousands -- of dogs in desperate need of rescue. YOU can help them. You can save hopeless, homeless dogs like Oscar and give them a second chance at life and love. A few dollars go a long way in the capable hands of rescue groups like Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angles.

We all know that dogs are humans' best friends... now is the time to reciprocate and be a best friend to dogs. There are rescue groups for every breed under the sun, including mixed breeds. If you're a pug lover, you can donate money and/or volunteer your time by contacting They are currently working to meet a challenge grant of $25,000. If they can raise that amount in individual pledges by January 15, a donor will match all those small donations with $25,000. Every dollar helps and no donation is too small.


If you're partial to another breed, just go on the Internet to find out the name of a local rescue group for that breed, then donate to them. Or donate to Best Friends, the largest, most-respected rescue group that saves the lives of dogs, cat, horses, rabbits, and many other creatures great and small.

Dig deep in your pocket and give to help the animals. Do it for the love of dogs. Do it for the love of Oscar.


For more information about adoptable pugs, providing a temporary foster home for rescue pug, and donating to support the group's work, contact

(Photos courtesy of Jamie Nalvarte and/or Pug Nation Rescue of Los Angeles.)]]>
Pope Francis, Trickle-Down Economics, and Heaven on Earth,2013:/theblog//3.4428891 2013-12-16T16:22:44-05:00 2014-02-15T05:59:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck gave a lecture in which he asserted that the biblical phrase "The Kingdom of God is within you" has been mistranslated and misunderstood throughout history. Dr. Peck said that if you go back to the original Aramaic, in which that piece of Scripture is written, what it actually says is: "The Kingdom of God is AMONG you." That is, the Kingdom of God is in community. "Wherever two or more are gathered, God is there."

I was reminded of this distinction while reading Pope Francis' recent pronouncements debunking trickle-down economics and refuting the "every person for him/herself" gospel of invisible-hand free market disciples. Pope Francis denounces such selfishness and self-interest. He exhorts us to care for our brothers and sisters -- to feed the hungry, tend to the sick and disabled, and provide shelter for the homeless -- just as Jesus did. Pope Francis reminds us that "we're all this together."

As we look at our country today, we see that there really are two Americas. One America believes in the ethos of individualism: the independent citizen, the rugged individual, the Lone Ranger who goes it alone. The other America believes in the ethos of community: the interdependent gathering of folks who know that "it takes a village" to raise a barn, to raise kids, and to raise a nation to greatness.

Not all religious scholars agree on how to interpret the biblical phrase about "the Kingdom of God." Some insist that "the Kingdom of God is within you," while others assert that "the Kingdom of God is among you."

Our political leaders have the same disagreement. Republicans put their faith in the ability of individuals to take care of themselves: citizens can save for their own retirement, pay for their own health care, get a good education, and fail or succeed at business all on their own. They believe that personal initiative is all that's required for success and that poor people should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Their motto is: "I am not my brother's keeper."

President Obama and the Democrats put their faith in community. They believe that "no man is an island" and that an individual's actions always affect others. They understand that human beings are social creatures -- like dolphins, lions, elephants, ants, geese, penguins, monkeys, dogs and myriad other social animals, fish and birds. We thrive when we live in healthy interdependence with one another. We are built for community, collaboration, and cooperation.

Regarding the poor, the Democrats agree with Justice Thurgood Marshall: "None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody -- a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony, or a few nuns -- bent down and helped us pick up our boots." The Dems' motto is: "No one can do it for you, but you can't do it alone."

I am reminded of an ancient allegory that illustrates the difference between the GOP vision and the Democrats' vision for America:


The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors for the holy man to peer inside. In the middle of the room was a large round table, in the middle of which was a huge pot of stew that smelled delicious. But the people sitting around the table were emaciated, pale and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They each had spoons with very long handles splinted to their arms, but each found it impossible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful because they could not get the long-handled spoons to their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

The Lord took the holy man to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one, with a large round table, in the middle of which was a huge pot of stew that smelled delicious. The people's arms were splinted with the same long-handled spoons as the other room, but in this room, the people were well-nourished and healthy. They were all laughing and talking, as they took turns scooping up big spoonfuls of stew and then feeding each other.

The holy man turned to the Lord and said, "Oh, now I see the difference."

"Yes," said the Lord, "Here in Heaven, people have learned to feed each other ... while in Hell, people think only of themselves."

Pope Francis knows that Heaven is created in community. The Kingdom of God is among us. Will we heed his teachings? Are we ready to follow his example? Are we willing to love our neighbors as ourselves?

(Photo credit: "In Good Faith")

BJ Gallagher is a sociologist and the author of "If God Is Your Co-Pilot, Switch Seats" (Hampton Roads)]]>
Five Tips for Smart Hiring Decisions,2013:/theblog//3.4334591 2013-11-25T15:49:11-05:00 2014-01-25T05:59:02-05:00 BJ Gallagher
While there is no sure-fire selection system to prevent all hiring mistakes, there are a handful of fundamental basics that, if done well, can reduce your percentage of hiring mistakes:

1. Be clear about the skills and abilities required for the job. Write a thorough job description for the position you want to fill, including all relevant knowledge, skills, and attitudes the ideal candidate should have. The clearer you are about the requirements of the job, the easier it will be to determine which job applicants measure up and which ones don't.

Start with a blank sheet of paper. At the top, write down two headings: "Behaviors" and "Results." All jobs involve both behaviors and results, but in general, the higher the job level, the more emphasis you will place on results; the more junior the job, the more emphasis on behaviors. Examples: For a receptionist, a desired behavior is to answer the phone before the third ring; a desired result might be to decrease average wait time while on "hold." For a sales manager, a desired result is to increase his department's sales be a certain percentage each quarter; a desired behavior might be to conduct individual monthly coaching sessions with the sales team. A behavior is an action - a result is an outcome. All jobs involve both behaviors and results.

2. When interviewing a job applicant, ask behavioral questions - not hypothetical ones. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so you want to ask questions designed to reveal how the applicant has handled job-related situations in the past. Examples: "Tell me about a time when you had a really difficult customer. How did you deal with that customer?" "Tell me about a situation in which you were part of a team and another person wasn't carrying his weight. Did you do anything about it, and if so, what?" "Tell me about your experience with tight deadlines and intense job pressure. Give me an example of how you've dealt with them in previous jobs."

You don't want to ask hypothetical questions because they don't reveal anything about how the applicant will actually behave in real-life. Anyone can make up great-sounding answers to hypothetical questions, but such questions are very poor predictors of on-the-job behavior. Examples: "How would you handle it if a customer started yelling at you and calling you names?" "What would you do if you had to meet an impossible deadline and you know you couldn't do it?" It's easy to sound smart in a made-up situation, but such answers don't tell you if your job applicant can actually walk their talk.

3. Look for good, solid generic skills. An applicant may not have held exactly the kind of job you're hiring for, but may still have the essential skills to do that job. Generic skills include: writing skills, problem-solving abilities, good time management, project management, presentation skills, interpersonal skills and the ability to work well with all types of people, leadership abilities, budgeting and financial management skills, customer service skills, sales skills, ability to prioritize one's work, among others. Someone may not have worked in your specific industry or in a particular job before, but if they've got the right set of generic skills, they can usually learn the specifics during the first few months on the job.

This is especially true for job applicants who may have been out of the workforce awhile. Women who stepped out of the workforce for a few years to start a family often have terrific generic skills - some of which they learned from their experience running a household. Parenthood is actually excellent training for supervisory and management jobs, for both require juggling priorities, dealing with difficult people, working under pressure, resolving conflict, and organizing one's time and resources, and more.

Some people have gaps in their resumes due to layoffs, returning to school, and/or stints of self-employment. Such folks may have gotten plenty of valuable experience (networking, taking initiative, self-discipline, etc.) while also developing new strengths (resilience, determination, perseverance, emotional balance, etc.) during those gaps in their employment. Take time to explore all these people's generic skills to see how they can add value to your business.

4. Whenever possible, design and administer job tests to help assess job applicants' skills and abilities. If you're hiring call center workers, you can design a role-playing test in which you can see for yourself how well the job applicant handles customers on the phone. If you're hiring food service workers, you can design mock situations for servers, cooks, bartenders, and others. If you're hiring clerical support staff, you can use typing tests and others designed to evaluate office skills.

I've been through several job tests myself over the years - everything from group interviews to determine my ability to handle contentious team meetings, stress interviews to evaluate my response to intense interpersonal situations, typing tests, writing tests, and I've even been required to teach a workshop as part of the screening process for a training manager position. As someone who's been tested by prospective employers, as well as designed job tests for others to take, I can tell you that they're an excellent source of real-life, real-time feedback about whether a job applicant has the right stuff.

5. Don't just hire based on experience - consider potential as well. Experience is about the past - potential is about the future. Past experience can tell you whether or not a job applicant has the essential skills and abilities to do the job, but experience isn't everything. Sometimes, particularly with younger workers or career-changers, they may be light on experience but loaded with potential. Just because someone doesn't have a lot of experience doesn't mean they can't do the job. This is another reason why it's especially important to interview for generic skills - skills that someone may have developed in college, in another field, in parenting, during period of self-employment, or in volunteer activities.

Remember, you're hiring someone to work for you in the future - not the past - so focus on the job applicant's potential, not just their experience.

BONUS TIP: Hire with an eye to the unpredictable future of your business. If there's one thing we know for sure, it's that the future doesn't look like the past. The skills required for the future may not be the skills your current employees have. The talents and abilities that have made your company successful to date may not meet the challenges of change. Ask yourself: "How might new technologies change my business? What do changing customer demographics mean for our future? In what ways might globalization impact us? What might the future look like and what hiring decisions should I be making now? What skills, talents, abilities and attributes do I want new employees to bring to our business?"

You can't be certain about all the future trends of your business, but you can be certain that employees will need to be flexible, quick, resourceful, creative, innovative, energetic, and forward-thinking. Hire people today who can help your organization meet the challenges of tomorrow.

BJ Gallagher is a workplace consultant, author, and speaker. Her latest business book is "Being Buddha at Work" (Berrett-Koehler).]]>
Open Letter to Rand Paul: 'I Am a Writer',2013:/theblog//3.4228294 2013-11-07T11:55:32-05:00 2014-01-23T18:58:21-05:00 BJ Gallagher
I am a writer. I make my living with my words. I am also a keynote speaker and workshop leader, so I make my living with spoken words, as well as written ones. It hurts me -- and it hurts all writers -- when you take words that aren't yours and present them to others as original. It is plagiarism. It is stealing. It is both unethical and illegal.

It is not just students and journalists who are prohibited from stealing others' words and presenting them as their own -- the copyright laws cover all of us, not just a few. As a U.S. Senator, you are not above the law. If you take my words and use them on your website, in an OpEd piece, in a book, or in a speech, you are stealing from me. How can I -- how can any writer -- make a living if you to simply take our words without payment or credit and use them as your own?

Would you take someone's song and put your name on it, presenting it as your original creation? Would you take an artist's painting, paint your name over theirs, and claim it as your own? Of course not. Everyone knows that's stealing. And everyone knows that lifting segments of someone's writing verbatim and representing it as your own is also stealing.

Your attempt to parse the copyright laws to assert that speeches are in a different category than written pieces is just nonsense. Your defensive denials of wrong-doing are fooling no one. As Shakespeare would say, "Methinks thou doth protest too much." You're a smart man -- you know better.

You made dumb mistakes lifting words from others -- why not just own up to it and say you're sorry? The American people are very forgiving when a leader makes a mistake and owns up to it. We move on quickly if authentic contrition is demonstrated. Why don't you just cop to it instead of pretending to be the victim of "haters"? Seriously, Senator, whining doesn't become you.

In my own speeches, I quote sources all the time, so I can tell you it's quite easy to credit others whose words you use. For example, I might say: "Ken Blanchard, my favorite management expert, says that 'Feedback is the breakfast of champions.'" Then I elaborate on the concept in my speech. Or, "Leadership guru Warren Bennis says that 'Managers do things right; leaders do the right thing.'" And then I expound on what Bennis' words mean for my audience. If I'm citing a publication I would say, "A recent article in the Wall Street Journal said that ..." then elaborate with my own analysis and comments.

In the case of your speech, you easily could have said, "As outlined in Wikipedia ... " then quote the excerpt you want to use, followed by your own elaboration on the quote. See? Not hard at all. Your OpEd pieces, same deal. It's really quite simple and easy to cite sources -- in speeches and in writing.

It is common courtesy to give credit where credit is due. It is the honorable, ethical thing to do. And it is the legal thing to do.

Don't blame your staffers. Every political leader has writers who produce hundreds of speeches and OpEd pieces for their bosses, and the vast majority of them don't plagiarize. Remember: it is the leader who sets the standard for his employees. As a wise president used to say: "The buck stops here." (Oh, wait, let me check Wikipedia to find out who said that ... !) If you ever aspire to be president yourself, Senator Paul, you need to man up and own your mistakes.

Finally, let us not forget what the Bible has to say: "In the beginning was the Word." Words are powerful. Words are sacred. Words are personal. Words express who we are. It is with our words that we create our world. It is never OK to steal words from those who wrote them.

BJ Gallagher

Author of over two dozen books; most recent, "The Power of Positive DOING" (Simple Truths)]]>
Mal Warwick and Paul Polak Outline the Business Solution to Poverty,2013:/theblog//3.4019605 2013-10-03T14:29:47-04:00 2014-01-23T18:58:21-05:00 BJ Gallagher Mal Warwick, who has written a powerful book on a vitally important topic -- The Business Solution to Poverty.

I was so happy to learn of your new book, Mal, because it seems to me that Americans too often look to government to solve social and economic problems while completely ignoring the possibility that private enterprise might have some good solutions. Tell me a bit about how you and your coauthor, Paul Polak, came to write The Business Solution to Poverty.

Thank you, BJ. It's great to have this opportunity. To answer your question most directly, I have to point to Paul's and my experiences beginning far in the past. In my case, it was service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ecuador in the 1960s that first exposed me face-to-face to the challenge of global poverty -- and motivated me to seek professional opportunities that might help ameliorate the tragic conditions I witnessed. Paul's personal experience in learning about the extreme poverty so common in emerging nations started around 1980 when he began traveling to such countries as Bangladesh and Ethiopia and spending hours in conversation with farmers living on $1 a day or less. However, in the more immediate sense, our collaboration came about through the good offices of our publisher, Steve Piersanti; each of us had written one previous book with him. Knowing of our overlapping interests and thinking we might hit it off, Steve brought us together.

What is the thesis of your book, in 25 words or less?

Ha ha! BJ, I've never managed to say anything meaningful in 25 words or less! But here goes the elevator speech: After more than 60 years of effort and $2.5 trillion in investment by the rich nations of the world, some 2.7 billion people -- about two out of every five people on the planet--still live on $2 a day or less. But this failure of traditional methods to end poverty represents an opportunity: an opportunity for entrepreneurs, investors, and existing businesses to open new markets, gain new customers, and make big profits -- and, simultaneously, an opportunity to transform the lives of those 2.7 billion people and bring them fully into the 21st-Century market economy by creating jobs and putting more money into their pockets.


The great mythologist Joseph Campbell pointed out that you can determine the dominant social institution in any society by the height of its buildings. Many years ago, churches and cathedrals were the tallest buildings in cities and small towns alike. As time went by, government buildings grew to dominate our skylines. Today, it is unquestionably the corporations, banks, and other financial institutions that tower over us. What do you see as the pluses and minuses of having business as the main driver of social and political values? How has our country -- and the world -- benefitted? What has it cost us?

Don't get me started, BJ! I lament the damage to our democracy and our society that corporate domination has brought about in the US: crushing inequality in income and wealth; the preeminence of money in the political process, and the corruption of elected officials whose views have been shaped or altered by the relentless search for campaign funding; the defunding of essential safety-net services that now provide progressively less protection from destitution for children and old folks; the failure to put in place such cost-effective human service programs as universal health care and free universal pre-school education that have long since been in place in other industrialized countries; not to mention the enormous and often entirely unnecessary squandering of precious natural resources and the degradation of the environment. All these sad consequences circumscribe the lives of the 1 percent just as they limit the potential for self-fulfillment of the rest of us.

With all this said, however, I recognize that the private sector has brought huge benefits to many of us throughout the rich nations of the Global North -- a standard of living for half or two-thirds of the population that was simply unthinkable a century ago. And I don't blame the bright and talented people who manage most of today's corporations for all these negative impacts on society. The responsible culprits are a greedy minority among the corporate elite, together with the leadership of Wall Street and their willing collaborators in government.

Since the GOP is generally considered the more business-friendly of our two main political parties, how ready do you think they are to tackle the issue of poverty?

I suspect that the overwhelming majority of rank-and-file Republicans would be enthusiastic about the business-centered approach to poverty that Paul and I propose. However, the ideological knee-jerkers and nutcases who purport to represent them in Congress have not only demonstrated their unwillingness to tackle the issue of poverty but have made clear that they're determined to make poor people in America even poorer. There is no other conclusion to draw from House Republicans' vote to cut food stamp funding in half. Fortunately, The Business Solution to Poverty is not about public policy; it's about a new approach by the business community to the grinding poverty in developing countries and has nothing to do with politics.

How do you think the Democrats will respond to the ideas and suggestions in your book?

Among those Democrats whose concern for people extends to the billions of poor people in developing countries, The Business Solution to Poverty has begun to encounter an enthusiastic reception. For example, Bill Clinton calls the book "one of the most hopeful propositions to come along in a long time ... original, ambitious, and practical." And Congresswoman Barbara Lee calls it "a promising alternative approach to this age-old challenge."

As a fellow author who is also interested in social change, I'm curious about how you go about getting your book into the hands of people who are in the best position to take action based on your book?

I don't think Paul and I are doing anything much different from what you and other authors typically do to market your books, which I imagine is practically everything you can possibly think of. We're speaking wherever enough people will get an audience together, including such places as the World Bank, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and conferences of social investors and social entrepreneurs. We're doing readings at bookstores. We're doing lots of radio interviews. We're reaching out through social media, our blogs, and email. And we're devoting special attention to university campuses, because we believe that, other than investors, entrepreneurs, and business executives, the people we most want to read The Business Solution to Poverty are business students.

For more on "The Business Solution to Poverty" visit]]>
Interviewing Chip Bell: The 9 1/2 Principles of Innovative Service,2013:/theblog//3.3977803 2013-09-23T19:48:00-04:00 2013-11-23T05:12:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher "The 9 ½ Principles of Innovative Service" published by Simple Truths.

BJG: There have to be a gazillion customer service books available today and yet service in so many industries is still mediocre at best, abysmal at worst. Why do you think that is? After all, serving customers isn't rocket science -- why can't more businesses get it right?

Chip Bell: I am asked this question a lot. Many senior leaders, particularly in very challenging economic times, tend to gravitate to what they can control; what is predictable. They are much more confident with the assurance of cause and effect. Thin margins in a global economic tend to bring out the "command and control" style of some leaders under the intense pressure of investors demanding a short term return on their investment. Convincing the board to open a new retail branch is much easier than talking them into adding twenty more operators to the call center. If you invest in a new branch based on solid market and site research, revenue almost always goes up; manage branch overhead wisely and profit will go up as well.

But, good customer service is more of a correlation than cause and effect. To use an admittedly dark analogy, it is less like drinking arsenic and more like smoking. We all know if one drinks arsenic, death is guaranteed. However, smoking is different. Smoking adversely impacts the body in a way that yields a probability, not a guarantee, of cancer, heart and lung problems and the higher potential for death. Yet, I have a 93-year-old uncle who has smoked two packs a day since he was 14! He knows smoking is not good for him. But, he has proven he can cheat death!

The correlation challenge means we need to help leaders see the probable benefits of investing in customer service. When leaders are directly involved in talking with customers as well as the front line employees who serve them, their faith in a return is strengthened. When they observe customer focus groups, sit with call center operators, ride with service techs, or spend time on the face-to-face counters, they are more willing to believe that great service has a likely bottom line payoff. Take a close look at where the senior leaders of great customer service organizations spend their time -- out of the office and meeting rooms!

BJG: You've written several books on customer service yourself. My favorite up until now is "Wired and Dangerous: How Your Customers Have Changed and What To Do About It." It's a great analysis of how the Internet in general, and social media in particular, have exponentially magnified the power of customers' word of mouth -- both good and bad. Tell me what's new in your latest book, "The 9 1/2 Principles of Innovative Service."

Chip Bell: This book is different than any I have written largely because the customer has dramatically changed in the last two or three years. Customers today demand high value for their hard-earned bucks. And, that includes a great experience, not just an okay, satisfactory experience. The expectations of customers have been elevated by other organizations they experience that provide a great experience. Consequently, they tend to look at every website through Amazon's or Zappos' eyes; every retail outlet through Nordstrom's or Apple's lens. But, another big change is the overstimulated, hyper-entertained daily lives of customers. Many retail outlets have become sensory theater; TV and the Internet are as vibrant as a theme park. They are quickly bored without a valued, emotional connection.

I believe customers today long for real, unexpected surprise. Surprise is not really a surprise if it is predictable, like telling you the present inside the wrapping. What is unexpected about getting an upgrade to first class as a frequent flyer in a coach seat? You have the miles, the seat is available, and the computer delivers an upgrade. The gate attendant has been removed from the decision. When randomness is gone, the well-intentioned value-adds become a basic, standard customer expectation, adding almost no value. My book is about the need to return to supporting the generosity and ingenuity of the frontline. If the Ritz-Carlton Hotels can empower even the housekeeper to spend up to two grand to ensure a guest leaves happy, organizations can figure out ways to make certain employees make smart decisions.

What three companies, in your opinion, really "get it" about delighting customers? What do they do that the also-rans don't do?

My favorites are Zappos, Ritz-Carlton and Southwest Airlines. All three companies start with a clear and present recognition that it is people in great cultures that create customer delight. They treat their frontline employees with the same deep respect they expect them to treat customers.

Here is quick example from my friends, Jackie and Kevin Freiberg's book, Nuts. When presidential candidate Al Gore was visiting Southwest Airlines his front people wanted to stage a town hall meeting with Gore and an auditorium full of Southwest employees. A part of their push to create what would appear as a picture perfect moment included planting "smart" questions in the audience. "No sir," said then Southwest president Colleen Barrett, "You will not plant questions. All our people know how to ask smart questions." That is the bold, people-first leadership you find in CEOs Gary Kelly of Southwest, Tony Hsieh of Zappos and President Herve Humler of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company.

What would you hope readers of this book would do with it... in addition to reading it?

I wrote this book for every person who serves a customer, client, colleague, guest, patient, member or passenger. The book is short (112 pages) but jam-packed with inspiring stories, simple-to-implement ideas, great pictures and memorable quotes. Some of my clients have already purchased copies for all their employees. Others have purchased copies as gifts for key customers. With National Customer Service Week coming up the first week in October, it could be a way to remind everyone of the power and importance of a great customer experience. My publisher, Simple Truths, has made the book available with deep volume discounts to encourage large bulk buys. As someone whose life goal is to elevate the nobility of service, I hope the book inspires, instructs and invites readers to share the book.

If you could give your readers just ONE piece of advice that could transform their business is they took your advice, what would you tell them? And why?

Customers cherish moments of magic. They not only come back for more -- they share those moments with all who will listen. True innovative service is simple and inexpensive. What was the financial worth of the free prize inside the Cracker Jack box? But, the emotional value made it a sought-after product for a generation. But service magic must feel genuine, generous and unexpected and come from people who are eager to share their passion for their customers. Turn your frontline employees lose and let them delight. Give them the tools and training to balance great service with responsible stewardship. And then celebrate their creativity.

The Wisdom of Oz: Building Brains, Cultivating Courage, and Heeding Your Heart,2013:/theblog//3.3964781 2013-09-23T12:42:03-04:00 2013-11-23T05:12:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is just such a story -- it is the tale of Everyman and Everywoman. Over a billion people have read the book and/or seen the movie, shared across generations and across continents. Published as a children's book in 1900, and adapted into a movie in 1939, L. Frank Baum's timeless tale echoes the stuff of ancient myth -- powerful, compelling, dramatic. It is the Hero's Journey -- with a lead character who leaves home in search of happiness in a better world, who travels hither and yon on a personal quest, who ultimately comes full circle, arriving back home to discover that the long-sought treasure was right there all along.

In Baum's tale of Oz, our hero is not a solitary seeker, but a band of seekers -- each feeling something lacking in themselves, each yearning for what was missing from their lives. The Scarecrow was convinced his life would be different if only he had a brain; the Tin Woodsman thought his life would be so much better if only he had a heart; and the Cowardly Lion just knew he could fulfill his destiny to be King of the Jungle if only he had courage. Can't we all identify with them? How often do we think our lives would be better ... if only we had more intelligence, more love, more courage, more something?

Dorothy was on a quest, too. She longed for "someplace where there isn't any trouble" -- no mother figure (Auntie Em) who seemed too busy to listen to a girl's silly concerns, no mean old neighbor (Miss Gulch) to complain about a sweet little dog (Toto), and no problems or difficulties of any kind. Surely such a place must exist -- somewhere over the rainbow, where life was serene and idyllic. Dorothy longed to live in Paradise. Every Hero's Journey involves a search for some kind of Paradise, Nirvana, Promised Land, El Dorado, Atlantis, Heaven -- someplace where the streets are paved with gold (or yellow bricks), everyone gets along peaceably, and there is no want, no need.

The Hero's Journey is a quest for a peaceful place -- it is also a quest for inner peace. The Hero's Journey is ultimately a quest to find the Self. It is a universal quest, one with which we can all identify.

The Oz story has four heroes -- an ensemble cast questing together -- each seeking something personal, something uniquely theirs. And when they finally reach the wonderful Wizard of Oz, they each get something different, but they all get what they need.

And, as with all journeys, this one isn't as much about the destination as it is about the journey itself. Dorothy and her companions travel the yellow brick road, encountering a multitude of hazards and obstacles along the way -- challenges we can all identify with: flying monkeys of fear who can carry us away, wicked witches of jealousy and resentment, alluring detours of poppy fields that can easily sidetrack us from our goal, and militant soldiers standing in the way of our liberation from insecurity and self-doubt. These are metaphors for the threats and dangers we all face in traveling the yellow brick road of our own careers and lives.

But the journey wasn't all peril and obstacles -- there are also good witches and mentors to call on when we need assistance, as well as Munchkin friends and fans to cheer us on our way. We are not alone on our journey -- support and encouragement are available at every turn.

And what of the Wizard? Unlike what the four seekers hoped for and expected, the Wizard does not tap them on the head with some wizardly wand and turn them into something they aren't. No, his job is simply to reassure the foursome that they are not lacking anything -- he helps them recognize their own true talents and abilities. The Wizard's job is to enable the seekers to see themselves more clearly -- he reminds them how smart, talented, and courageous they already are.

And let us not forget the shoes -- those magic slippers that take us wherever we want to go. They are the mythical equivalent of wings on our feet, transporting us into the future of our dreams. We all have magic slippers -- traveling shoes that represent the power of belief, the power of affirming what we really want, the power of claiming your heart's desire.

The story of Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion -- and Toto, too -- is the story of all who seek happiness and fulfillment in their own lives. It is the quest to discover your true self -- to develop your own brains, heart, and courage -- and to help others do the same.


BJ Gallagher is a sociologist and author of over two dozen books, including an international best-seller, "A Peacock in the Land of Penguins" (Berrett-Koehler), published in 23 languages.]]>
All I Really Need to Know I Learned From The Wizard of Oz,2013:/theblog//3.3915079 2013-09-12T13:46:28-04:00 2013-11-12T05:12:01-05:00 BJ Gallagher The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. While both author and publisher undoubtedly hoped the book would be successful, neither of them could have imagined just how successful it would be. Today, some 113 years later, not only is the Oz book still in print, it's available in over 50 languages, with tens of millions of copies sold over the years.

And certainly no one could have predicted that the 1939 MGM film adaptation of Baum's book would become the most-watched movie in history -- with over one billion viewers -- almost one-sixth of the world's population! This year marks the 75th anniversary of the classic Oz film.

Baum's timeless tale has staying power because it has all the elements of ancient myth ­-- its powerful, compelling, dramatic storyline speaks to something deep inside us all. It is the Hero's Journey -- with a lead character who leaves home in search of happiness in a better world, who travels hither and yon on a personal quest, and ultimately comes full circle, arriving back home to discover that the long-sought treasure was right there all along.

The Oz story has not just one hero but four -- an ensemble cast questing together, while each sought something personal, something uniquely theirs. And when they finally reached the wonderful Wizard of Oz, they each got something different -- and they all get what they needed. The story of Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman, and the Cowardly Lion -- and Toto, too -- is the story of all who seek happiness and fulfillment in their own lives. It is the quest to discover your true self -- to develop your own brains, heart, and courage.

When I was a child, I read the Oz book. As I grew up, I watched the Oz movie ... more than a few times. Over the years, I delighted in the Oz stage productions. And now as I think about my life, I realize that all I really need to know about how to live a great life and be a good person, I learned from The Wizard of Oz. I found wisdom -- not in sophisticated literature -- but in a child's story.

These are the things I learned:

• Dream of the bright future you want.

• When there's a storm coming, take cover.

• When you're scared, hug your dog.

• If you accidentally hurt someone (ie, if your house falls on them), say you're sorry.

• Whenever you're lost, ask for directions from someone you trust.

• Be polite to little people and big people alike.

• Wear fabulous shoes!

• When someone needs your help, do your best to give it.

• Stand up to bullies and defend those who can't defend themselves.

• Sometimes the most unlikely people turn out to be the best of friends.

• Skip, sing, and dance -- make life fun!

• There are good witches and bad witches -- both are your teachers.

• When the going gets tough, stick together.

• Not everything that scares you is dangerous, and not everything that is dangerous scares you. Pay attention.

• Courage doesn't always roar -- but it does when it needs to.

• The yellow brick road isn't all smooth and straight -- you'll encounter obstacles, roadblocks, hazards, and detours. Be persistent.

• Wizards aren't always what they seem.

• Challenges teach you to be creative and resourceful.

• You have all the brains, courage, and heart you need -- you may just need someone to remind you once in awhile.

• People come and go in your life, but true friends live forever in your heart.

• Go where the love is. There's no place like home!

BJ Gallagher is a sociologist and author of over two dozen books, including an international best-seller, "A Peacock in the Land of Penguins: A Fable About Creativity and Courage" (Berrettt-Koehler), now published in 23 languages.]]>
What Can We Learn From Powerful Political Men Behaving Badly?,2013:/theblog//3.3668279 2013-07-30T14:35:39-04:00 2013-09-29T05:12:01-04:00 BJ Gallagher
What are we to make of these powerful men behaving badly? Are there lessons we can learn from them?

I would suggest the answer is "yes." As British crime novelist Catherine Aird pointed out, "If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning."

We can often learn as much -- or more -- from bad examples as we can from good ones:

First, the human mind's capacity for denial is powerful. Most, if not all these men undoubtedly rationalized their behavior in order to continue it. They were con artists who did their best to con citizens into believing their public image ... and most of all, they conned themselves. Never underestimate the power of denial -- in yourself or anyone else.

Second, power, prestige, fame, and money are intoxicating. Mixed together, they are a powerful cocktail capable of lowering moral inhibitions and freeing men from the constraints of conscience. These political philanderers are not sober and rational -- they are literally "Governing Under the Influence" (GUI). They are drunk on power, fame, money, and ego.

Third, as Henry Kissinger pointed out, "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." In some instances, a powerful politician is the target of a woman intent on seducing him. There have always been women drawn to political power like moths to a flame. Remember, it was Monica Lewinsky who told her friends that she was "going to Washington to get my presidential kneepads." Rielle Hunter sought out John Edwards to tell him, "You're hot." Beautiful women often throw themselves at powerful men and it is not easy for men to resist such opportunities.

That's not to say that political philanderers are the innocent victims of conniving women -- they're not. In most cases, the politician was the initiator, the seducer, the sexual aggressor. But remember, "it takes two to tango" and unless the situation was blatant sexual harassment or assault, the vast majority of political philanders had willing -- even eager -- female partners.

Fourth, who among us has not behaved badly? Or, who among us would not behave badly, given the right opportunity? According to the "Journal of Marital and Family Therapy," 22 percent of married men admit to marital infidelity; 57 percent acknowledge cheating in any relationship they've had; and a whopping 74 percent say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. It's easy for us to act as judge, jury, and executioner when it comes to our public figures -- but are we really are as pure and righteous as we'd like to think we are? Perhaps our time and energy would be better spent strengthening our own marriages, rather than scolding others about theirs.

And finally, we can practice compassion for the ne'er-do-wells. Bad behavior is often driven by deep-seated insecurity, self-loathing, fear, and/or a profound longing to be loved. All the world's great spiritual traditions preach the virtue of compassion. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't hold men accountable for their bad behavior -- we definitely should, and we definitely do. But we should also offer them the hope of forgiveness and redemption.

I am reminded of a North Carolina church marquee I saw many years ago that seems appropriate as we reflect on our political leaders behaving badly: "Those who deserve love least, need it the most."


(re-creation of church sign courtesy

BJ Gallagher is a sociologist and the author of over two dozen books, including "Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Other Women" (Conari Press).]]>
Independence Babies... the Littlest Patriots,2013:/theblog//3.3538236 2013-07-03T13:32:42-04:00 2013-09-02T05:12:01-04:00 BJ Gallagher
But there is one more group, often overlooked on patriotic holidays -- they are the children of soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines. We call them "military brats" -- they are the sons and daughters of warriors.

There are millions of military brats today -- from the tiniest tykes whose dads and moms are serving overseas in Iraq or other hot spots, as well as at military bases here in the U.S. -- to middle-aged Baby Boomers whose dads (and a few moms in those days) fought in WW II, the Korean War, and of course, the Viet Nam War. These military brats were drafted at birth -- they had no choice about whether or not they wanted to live a military lifestyle. And they, like their warrior fathers and mothers, have paid an enormous price to protect the freedoms and privileges that most of us take for granted.

I am one of those military brats. I was born in Orange, California, on the Fourth of July -- a auspicious birthday for a military kid. Mom and I sailed to Japan when I was nine months old to join my dad, who was fighting overseas. I didn't see U.S. soil again until I was almost three years old.


Gallagher family, Tachikawa, Japan, 1952

I spent my formative years moving from base to base -- from Texas to Montana, from California to Virginia, from Germany to Illinois, from Dover to Puerto Rico. I was at home nowhere -- and I was at home everywhere. I learned to make friends quickly, because I knew I would lose them quickly. We were like traveling gypsies, moving from place to place, packing and unpacking... only to do it all over again six months or two years later.

Such a lifestyle has its advantages, of course. I was able to see the world, live in Europe, learn a foreign language at an early age, taste exotic foods and see interesting places that many people only dream of. I had exciting adventures and enjoyed wonderful experiences -- all courtesy of the U.S. government.

But there was a price I paid, too -- like all military brats. Loneliness, wrenching departures from beloved friends, having to change school umpteen times, and sometimes living in places I didn't like.

The biggest price I paid, along with the other kids, was enormous anxiety. For you see, Death was always lurking around in the background... but no one ever talked about it. For when you are the child of a warrior, you never know for sure when your daddy (or mommy) is going to be called to fight a battle somewhere... or who might be killed in training exercises or plane crashes, even in peacetime.

My dad was a pilot in the Air Force, and I can't tell you the number of times I lay in my bed at night, overhearing my mom on the phone in the other room, as she called the control tower to ask what Major Gallagher's ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival) was. I worried, What if my daddy doesn't come home? What if his plane crashes? When I was eight years old my best friend lost her daddy when his plane crashed into the side of a mountain -- and it wasn't even a war. I knew if it happened to her, it could happen to me, too. It could happen to any of us military brats. We all grow up with a fundamental awareness of the precariousness of life... fearing that our warrior dads and moms could be killed anytime, anywhere.

So this Fourth of July, let us honor not only our founders who declared our independence -- let us also honor the brave men and women who dedicate their lives to protecting our independence. And let us not overlook the brave boys and girls who die a thousand little deaths waiting for their daddies and mommies to come home every night. Military brats serve their country, too -- they pay a price for our freedom. They are the littlest patriots. Remember them. Thank them. Hug them.]]>
Mom's Mind May Be Gone, But Her Heart Still Wants What Her Heart Wants,2013:/theblog//3.3461765 2013-06-19T13:36:42-04:00 2013-08-19T05:12:02-04:00 BJ Gallagher
Finally, I decided Mom needed a new windbreaker, a size M to better fit her 135-pound frame. I bought one, took it to her house on my next visit, and while she was napping, I threw her old one in the trash bin. When she awoke, she tried on the new jacket and seemed to like it. But the snap closures were too hard for her frail fingers and she had a hard time putting it on because it wasn't as loose and easy to slip into as the old 2XL had been.


A couple weeks later, I discovered her new jacket folded neatly on the foot of her bed and a stained, worn 2XL was hanging on the hook where her old one had always hung.

"She couldn't have rescued it from the trash," I thought. "The trash men came the very next morning and emptied the bins. Where could this identical old jacket have come from?"

I looked in stepdad's closet and found that his old jacket was gone from its hook. Mom had apparently appropriated it and claimed it for her own. I stared at the stained, soiled thing and pondered whether to toss it.

But then I remembered my friend Anita and her little, white, fluffy dog Tito.

Years ago Anita bought a small stuffed toy monkey for Tito. He loved it. He played with it constantly -- tossing it around, chewing on it, carrying it with him everywhere, and demanding Anita throw it so he could fetch. After several years of heavy-duty play, the little monkey began to fall apart -- until nothing was left but a tangle of fabric infused with dog saliva and dirt. Totally gross.

Anita bought several more dog toys, including a new monkey, but Tito would have none them. He loved his slimy old monkey -- that's all he wanted to play with. Anita humored him -- throwing the thing across the room again and again, so Tito could chase, fetch, and bring it back for her -- to repeat all over again. The mangled monkey became known as "Slimy."

Whenever I'd visit, Tito would run to greet me and I'd say, "Where's your Slimy? Bring me Slimy!" He'd dash down the hall to fetch his beloved toy. We would play fetch until I got bored, then Tito would insist I play some more. My hand was soon covered in dog spittle... the price of having fun with an adorable dog, and somehow not so gross after all.

And now, as I stood in my mother's bedroom staring at the purloined windbreaker, the situation became clear. Mom loves this old, stained, worn-out jacket -- three sizes too big and falling apart. "Slimy," I think to myself, "This jacket is my mother's Slimy." And suddenly it didn't seem so ugly anymore.


For more by BJ Gallagher, click here.

For more on Alzheimer's disease, click here.