Please Stop This

does anyone else feel this way?

Posted 08/11/2012

my husband is a wonderful, very hands-on dad - and a very loving husband. but I somehow end up doing everything, and it's been this way since LO was born. he never remembers the things I ask him to do, so I have to ask him about 10 times, and then most of the time I just give up and do it myself.

the last few weeks we have been under a lot of stress, and have been at odds with each other. I feel like I have had to sacrifice everything in my life for our child, which of course I am happy to do because I adore him. But I am resentful that I am the only one - my husband still gets to work and workout - he even gets to out at night with his friends on occasion. My entire life revolves around taking care of the baby and the house. half the time I don't eat breakfast until the afternoon, I wear my pajamas all day, and have a hard time even getting to the bathroom. I am always the one to get up with LO in the middle of the night. This last week LO has been fussy and won't let me put him down long enough to get anything done. I feel like I am losing my mind, and DH just doesn't get it. Last night he was like "oh I think I might start taking that yoga class at the gym." I almost punched him in the face.

Anyone else feel this way?


Comments (7)

Posted 08/11/2012

Yes, yes I do.  Lol

Funny you should post this becuase just this morning, SO and I are at it again because of this exact thing.  I really don't MIND getting up in the middle of the night every night for the last 7 months (that sounds sarcastic, but I really don't mind) and have had a baby or breast pump attached to my boob every 2 or 3 hours for the last 7 months, but I just want some APPRECIATION.  A little compassion and understanding when I'm a little extra bitchy would be nice.  It's like I do everything, and then am still expected to have enough energy to cater to him to!  Ugh men just don't get it!

And he is a GREAT dad, watches her when I'm at work (we're mostly on opposite schedules), is very involved - but still just doesn't understand what I'm going through!


Lucy Ann : 1/6/12 : 9 lbs, 1 oz : the LOVE of my life

Cancer Survivor

Posted 08/11/2012

Same here! I swear my house would be filled to the ceiling with trash, dishes and laundry if it wasn't for me! We both work full time on opposite shifts, he works first shift and im on second. This means I dont get home until almost 1am. Before I head into work I make sure all the dishes are done, bottles are clean and ready, laundry is clean, trash is taken out and everything is put away. When I come home from work it looks like a bomb went off all over the house. Dishes piled in the sink, all the bottles are dirty, trash all over the counter tops and stuff left out. Mind you I get up with DD around 7 or 8 am and im up with her until I go to work. He puts her down around 8pm. How on earth is it that I find time to get everything done during the day but you can't so much as wash the dishes?!?!?! Its not like you have 5 hours before I get home or anything...OH WAIT! Yes you do!!! I ask him everyday to do something specific like was dishes, take out trash, etc. but it NEVER gets done so im up until 2am doing all this housework for the second time of the day!

All this being said, he is fantastic with DD and loves her to pieces but C'MON!!! Help me out a little here and there!!! Sorry, but I fell better that I got to rant a little bit! Lol


Abigail Brennen born 1/23

Posted 08/12/2012

Yep, I just made a post on the other birth board pretty much saying the exact same thing. Except I work full-time, and I make more money than DH, and I pay the rent and bills. So I pretty much went off on him. There are some things that I just can't change though. DH will never get up in the MOTN with LO. He doesn't hear her, and he doesn't even notice when I get out of bed and bring my crying baby into bed with me.

After talking to DH he agreed that he needs to do more to help me, but he also can't remember anything, so I just have to ask him over and over again to do stuff. It sucks that I waited over 6 months to finally ask him for help though.


BFing, BWing, CDing, Air Force mommy to Elizabeth (18 January 2012) and Coraline (31 January 2014)

Posted 08/12/2012
Yes and no. DH is wonderful and has Lo alone a lot. He does pretty much whatever I ask. The problem is, I have to ask. I mean come on, you are a 32 year old adult. You know when a toilet needs cleaned, the dishwasher emptied, grass cut, etc. We both work full time and share house responsibilities. I don't want to be his mom or feel like I'm constantly nagging him. Take some initiative hunny!

Megan and Dave 10/25/08


Breastfeeding, BLW, Fulltime working mom

Last edited 08/13/2012

Used to...that is until we had our "little talk".  I created a schedule because I felt i was giving to everyone but myself.  Needless to say I have no problem voicing my opinions or dissatiffaction.   I changed the schedule a couple of times to suite me.  I did all of the housework when we first got married but when I got pregnant, my husband did help out around the house and since then it is expected.  I created a choir list, scheduled family time, who gets up when (he sleeps and doesn't hear LO but I wake him if its his turn) etc. It is hard when you feel like you are doing it all.  I am a SAHM so I am with LO all day and there are "consequences" for lack of a better word that go with that.  Like, LO will only eat for me, I put her to bed most nights.  Pretty much my husband only takes care of her  before he goes to work.  However, he does help out around the house.  He also knows that from dinner till 7 is our family time and he plays with LO.  The chore sheet helped.  Before that I had to tell him what to do.  Now he knows.  I really think communicating my expectations helped relieve a lot of the overwhelming feeling that I have to do everything.  I think you both should agree on who does what (write it down, my hubby doesn't remember unless its on paper and I hung it on the fridge), also when each of you get to do activities alone and how much time you both are allowed your "breaks".

Posted 08/14/2012

My DH and I both work...but I absolutely have to tell him very specifically what to do to help around the house and then remind him about 50 times before it will get done.  he will absolutely never just "notice" that something needs done.  It must be some kind of man-disease, the inability to notice when the house is a wreck.  

Posted 08/19/2012

This post makes me so happy that I now know I'm not the only one.  We live in a 1 bedroom apartment and I have to spend every day cleaning all day which should never be.  But as soon as my husband comes home he tears through like a tornado and turns everything upside down, everytime,  I go to work once my husband gets home and by the time I get home my daughter is 100% taken care of but the house is trashed,  I try to be patient but being that I'm home all day I would like to do stuff with the baby maybe cook a new meal and I never can because I spend the whole day cleaning up after him.  Yell It's so frustrating...

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