Dear Abby: My mother-in-law sent my 7-year-old son a gift and a card for his birthday. They arrived a week early. A few days before his birthday, she called and asked if he had received them. He said he had, but before he could tell her he hadn't opened them, she started talking about the gift inside, revealing the surprise.

She's upset with me and my son for this awkward moment. She says that from now on, she would like a phone call when her cards or gifts arrive, so she can "hear his enjoyment over the phone even if they arrive early." I don't think my son did anything wrong.

When a gift arrives in advance of an occasion, must it be opened immediately? Or can it wait for the birthday or Christmas? Sometimes he likes to open a present, write a thank-you note, then open the next, stretching out his gift opening over a few days.

-- Wondering

Dear Wondering: Gifts are usually opened the day of the occasion. When the occasion is a birthday, the usual expectation is that the presents will be opened at the party. At that time, a verbal thank-you is offered. A thank-you note should be written a short time later.


Dear Abby: My good friend "Derek" is in his 30s and just started his first serious relationship. He told me after a week together that she was "the one" and that he loved her. I suggested he take things slowly so they could really get to know each other.


I haven't seen Derek since, and I'm worried not only that he's moving too fast but also that he's doing it with someone who also is oblivious to how socially unacceptable their behavior was. How do I express my concerns?

-- Concerned

Dear Concerned: Mention to Derek that you think the girl is "great," but the show they put on at your party made some of your guests so uncomfortable they left early. Let's hope the "hint" is sufficient.

Dear Abby: My 10-year-old daughter told a friend she would go to a concert with her a few months ago. Since then, my daughter ended the friendship because the girl was clingy and controlling.

Do I insist my daughter go to the concert as she said she would, or let her off the hook? The friend seems to be hoping she will go so they can renew the friendship, but my daughter has no plans to do it. Help!

-- Managing Discord

Dear Mom: If the girl is expecting your daughter to go to the concert with her, your daughter should tell her she does not plan to attend so the girl can invite someone else. Do not insist that your daughter associate with anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable.
