Finally! The Daily Mail Has Written the Ultimate Hilarious Daily Mail Article

As always, the Daily Mail has their razor-sharp journalistic scope trained on the real issues that keep 21st-century human beings awake at night, and they've provided an extensive communiqué regarding the #1 Most Important and Totally Legit Thing that People Should Definitely Bother Worrying About Posthaste. That thing, obviously, is SPACE SEX.

Here's the headline that made my day:

Bad news for the 220-mile high club: Researchers find sex in space could lead to life-threatening illnesses


The article goes on to explain how tests have shown that zero-gravity conditions can have negative affects on human (and plant and animal) health.

Dr Chebli said: "We found intracellular traffic flow is compromised under hyper-gravity conditions and both hyper and microgravity affect the precisely coordinated construction of the cellular envelope in the growing cell.



So, presumably, it's the being-in-space that's harmful to the cells—not the naked-touching-with-a-sexy-alien-waitress. If I'm reading this correctly, the point is that if we moved to Mars and had a few generations of kids in weirdo Mars-gravity, we might all end up with a bunch of fucked-up diseases and then die because our cells would be like, "Nu-uh." But not because of the dirty, filthy space-sex itself. The Daily Mail just tacked that on so they could cram "220-mile-high club" into the headline. And FOR THAT I SALUTE THEM.