novelties stories

Now you can listen to music while you're whitening your teeth, thanks to the Beaming White Forever White Teeth Whitening Headset. Stretch your lips back into an insane, scary grin with its included cheek retractor, slather on a dollop of hydrogen peroxide gel, and flip on the 2.5 W blue LED light.
Readers, you can probably instantly figure out every one of the equations on this Pop Quiz Clock, but I'm having trouble with 6 x 2. Oh, wait a second, we don't need no stinking equations to figure out what time it is — it's an analog clock!