Scaredy Cat Eric Cantor Runs Away from Debt Ceiling Talks

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, one of the GOP's hot little pieces known as the "Young Guns," moonlights as a weiner who's incapable of negotiating to prevent America from defaulting on its public debt. He's just "pulled out" of his role as the House Republicans' leading negotiator in the ongoing talks with Joe Biden, and has demanded John Boehner settle the remaining "tax issues" so he doesn't have to.

Cantor tells the Wall Street Journal that after a "bitterly contentious" last series of negotiations, he is unable to go any further. He won't even go to today's debt ceiling negotiations "because he believed it was time for the negotiations to move to a higher level."

In other words, he wants Speaker John Boehner to be the one who signs off on a deal to raise any tax even the slightest amount in a deal to ameliorate the largest projected budget deficits since World War II. "It is up to the president to come in and talk to the speaker," Cantor, a pussy, says. "We've reached the end of this phase. Now is the time for these talks to go into abeyance."

Assuming the Democrats don't cave on tax increases in exchange for slashing major spending programs — if they did, which is always possible, it would be the clearest signal yet that the Democratic party is an institution no longer worth supporting — someone in the House Republican caucus will have to sell an agreement with tax increases to colleagues. Eric Cantor hopes John Boehner will be that person! And then Boehner will be forced out as speaker, and maybe... say... Eric Cantor can be the new Speaker?

In other news, a full 100 billion people in America are long-term unemployed.

[Image via AP]