


(39 Posts)
Fedupwithteens Tue 19-Mar-13 15:59:59

Bit of background:






mathanxiety Tue 19-Mar-13 19:40:43

The sulking is the thing that will leave you not really liking him very much. He needs to stop that.

mathanxiety Tue 19-Mar-13 19:39:20

Your H is behaving like a petulant pre-teen child.

The two of you need to sit down and talk about your parenting approach. If he won't do this at home in a reasonable way then you should go to Relate and hammer out an agreement there.

This is an important issue. The problem is him thinking Me is We and the lack of communication that goes with taking someone else for granted.

One day soon there will only be you and H left facing each other across the kitchen table and you will need to like each other when that time comes.

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 19-Mar-13 19:35:06

I wouldnt wait two days for my toddler to tidy up, so i certainly would not tolerate a teenager not bothering.

United front is something we fail at in this house where i am the resident bad cop, it fucking hurts. You need to be on the same page as if not, the soft one isnt respected and the strict one isnt liked. sad

Lueji Tue 19-Mar-13 19:27:55

Tbh, I think you both need to agree on strategy regarding your dc.
You can easily decide what kind of punishments to give and what rules you both expect to be followed.
And tell the dc too!

I suspect it will be easier for everyone.

And agree will ALL that sulking is not on. wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 19-Mar-13 19:25:43

He should be more concerned that they'll grow up to be sulkers, like him, because he shows them its a way to get what you want! grin

Fedupwithteens Tue 19-Mar-13 19:20:10

To be fair to dh he is concerned that they will grow up selfish & incapable of looking after themselves & this is his way of dealing with it.

Fedupwithteens Tue 19-Mar-13 19:18:47

I definitely don't think it's wrong to expect children and teens to clean up after themselves and do have that expectation of the dds. However, I also don't think it's worth "falling out" with someone over a glass left in a room.

I have talked to dh about this and asked him to not get so wound up about these minor things. The result is that he doesn't get wound up as often, but he just ignores things that he hasn't left out / on etc. For example, dd2 often leaves the light on in the playroom when she leaves it to go to bed. She shouldn't and should remember to turn it off I do agree. However, dh's response is to leave it on all night, even if he has been the last person to go to bed. When I asked him about this he said "well you told me not to go on about it to her, so I don't. But I didn't turn it on, so why should I turn it off?"

My attitude in the house is to just tidy things up if they're not in the right place (within reason), but dh seems to have taken the general stance of "I didn't put it there so I'm not moving it"

So now I have 3 people ignoring things in the house confused

mynewpassion Tue 19-Mar-13 18:36:00

The sulking is a problem.

However, I don't see any problems with teaching children and especially teenagers cleanliness and giving them chores to do and if they don't do them, there will be consequences. Its getting them ready for the "adult world".

You tidying up after them is not good either. They will eventually live on their own and have a family. You can't always be there to clean after them.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 19-Mar-13 18:29:11


It's worrying that such a small thing should leave you feeling you have to check with him, at risk of him sulking. How long has he been like this?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 19-Mar-13 18:25:38


fair enough. She met the criteria for getting the laptop back and so she got it back.

His sulking is another issue altogether. Bloody childish sod. I have bugger all respect for sulkers. I feel my lip curling as I look at them.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Tue 19-Mar-13 18:24:08


Yes. Cos it doesn't matter which one of you dishes out the punishment, it is from both of you and so either of you can oversee it.

if one of you was always giving out punishments with the intention of not being there, because they want to make the other parent the bad guy and avoid dealing with discipline, that's a problem. But it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here.

re the sulking - that would piss me right off. I HATE sulkers. It's such manipulative behaviour.

Floralnomad Tue 19-Mar-13 18:16:20

TBH if you're a team then you should be able to check that the room is tidy and then give the laptop back if it is . I would think ,particularly with daughters that you will give them the impression that the man is in charge ,IMO not a positive image to present.

Fedupwithteens Tue 19-Mar-13 18:14:52

Well, I've found the laptop & given it back to her, after checking she'd tidied the room. Dh is now uncontactable, so I made the decision that as he'd told her she could have the laptop back when she'd tidied the room (he said this in a text and didnt say anything about him having to inspect it) then she had kept her side of the deal.

No doubt I will be "punished" for this when dh finds out, by him sulking with me. I do really worry about him alienating himself from the dd's with his behaviour, but he can't seem to get past his annoyance at them being lazy and messy and thoughtless. Which they are, but no more than other teens IMO.

maddening Tue 19-Mar-13 18:13:16

Sorry meant to add once she has done it he should tell you where it is - you have the same authority - agree with the pps on that.

maddening Tue 19-Mar-13 18:10:57


bangwhizz Tue 19-Mar-13 17:56:37

Are you frightened of disciplining your kids?

cory Tue 19-Mar-13 17:21:57



JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 19-Mar-13 17:14:55



cory Tue 19-Mar-13 17:10:20



Otoh your dd needs to be firmly disciplined for stropping.



JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 19-Mar-13 16:57:20


My dad's depression started like that, too.

GreatUncleEddie Tue 19-Mar-13 16:55:21



Lueji Tue 19-Mar-13 16:53:46


That's not really a team, is it?

Otherwise, he's undermining your authority.

TheCraicDealer Tue 19-Mar-13 16:52:08



fluckered Tue 19-Mar-13 16:48:05

exactly what squeaktoy said.

maddening Tue 19-Mar-13 16:48:03


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