Kristen Stewart Sorry For Sucking Face With Old Human Instead of Young Vampire Boyfriend

Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Snow White and the Huntsmen director Rupert Sanders. Rupert Sanders cheated on his wife Liberty Ross with Kristen Stewart. And both, under the spell of some mysterious PR draught, issued statements within minutes of each other apologizing to their cheatees.

Breaking from her same-faced stare into the middle distance, Kristen Stewart released a statement pumped with all the desperate emotion and feelings one would expect from any 22-year-old apologizing for cheating on her boyfriend. She said:


For a couple of on-set cuddle pics? Those require the kind of under-the-rug-brushing a PR intern could have managed. Why the honesty? Why the apology? Something wicked this way comes, for sure.

Over and away across the pond, Rupert Sanders issued a far more stock apology statement:


Neither Pattinson nor Ross have responded to the public apologies, but if you hold still and remain very quiet, you can hear the sounds of thrown vases barely missing ducked heads and curdling shrieks of betrayal. Poor Robert Pattinson, how high his voice does get when he weeps.

And what of the fans? The fans are beside themselves.

[Via People, images from US Weekly]