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Guns N' Roses fail to ignite Reading festival 2010

Axl Rose's band arrived late and turned in a dire performance. Thankfully, QOTSA, Biffy Clyro and Egyptian Hip Hop were here to rescue the first day of Reading

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Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses
Axl Rose ... not big on punctuality. Photograph: Henry S. Dziekan III/Getty Images

Rock day at Reading will always be Rock Day at Reading. And since this is day one and it's muddy as hell, things feel especially "no surrender". So much so that you worry for the bloggy bands charged with warming up a field who have paid solely to see Guns N' Roses and are at the height of drunk paranoia that they won't turn up. So hurrah for a handful of winners. Antics-wise, the incendiary Pulled Apart By Horses steal the daytime show as they always do with their now-officially-cool turn as The Jesus Lizard reinvented with the pop nous of S Club 7. It's compromised only by the knowledge that Sunday's show in their heartland of Leeds will be five times as good. Manchester's Egyptian Hip Hop grow out of their lo-fi beginnings and bloom into a proggy, ravey, fantasy affair. And if Yeasayer aren't headlining the NME/Radio 1 tent by 2012, that will be ultimate proof that the universe is inexorably out of sync. Since their power-pop reinvention they efficiently churn out a series of singalongs, and it's frankly baffling so few people have caught on yet.

But yes, today is only really about the Main Stage. Now officially popular, Biffy Clyro have the chance for their finest hour and they almost make it. Simon, in a nod to Nirvana in '93, has bleached his hair and beard and, in a nod to Daphne and Celeste in '00, is wearing pink skintight trousers. Their show falls between the brilliance of both. Being at the height of their pop era, we get all the modern ballady ones (Many Of Horror, God and Satan) which alienate the old crowd alongside the old weirdo screamy ones (Glitter and Trauma, There's No Such Thing As A Jaggy Snake) which alienate the new Kasabian crowd. It's a fitting act of schizophrenia from our greatest, weirdest band – disappointing only because they sound oddly normal.

It falls to Queens Of The Stone Age to rock up the dish (and the dishes) of the day. Last time they played these sites they looked tired and sounded sluggish. Yet now, with almost the exact same set, they demonstrate the benefit of better living through reckless side-projects. This is a band revitalised on a nuclear scale. That they achieve it with what is effectively a heritage set makes it all the more remarkable. Having had what was effectively a sleazy affair with Them Crooked Vultures, Josh has reconnected with his marriage, and they tear through No-One Knows, Little Sister and A Song For The Dead. Whisper it, but they're as good as they were with Nick.

Now, the kind of journalist who makes it all about themself is of course objectionable, but these are objectionable circumstances, so forgive me. My first ever gig as a festival reporter was Leeds 2002, when Guns N' Roses turned up two hours late but smashed it out of the park nonetheless. I may have mentioned that Axl was "as big as a house." He may just have called me out onstage in London a few days later, naming me a "pussy" who owed him rent for "living in my ass for so long." It was a career high, yes, but those also feel like kinder, more innocent days. This was when Chinese Democracy was still an illusion we could all use. But now we've heard the dowdy reality, and tonight we got the worst of both worlds. The band took the stage just a measly hour late, had their set cut marginally, but not dramatically, and turned in a show that was the ultimate insult to the Gunners dream, in being simply unmemorable. True, the magic of hearing the likes of Welcome To The Jungle, It's So Easy and November Rain live cannot be diminished. But last night Reading was challenged to judge whether this was enough, and Reading judged "no". There was no charisma, no chemistry and actually, so little vocal that the rumour of the night was that Axl had drafted in Mickey Rourke as a body double. Certainly, the boos negated his vocals down to nothing. And when history is written, it shall be told that the GNR dream ended with an unedifying sit in - in which Axl tried to whip up a disinterested crowd into voicing outrage over the shortened set. After such a mess, it's perhaps not surprising that the rumour of the festival today is that the band were not paid for their performance and will not be appearing on Sunday for the Leeds leg.

And so after all that, it gives me no pleasure to diss GNR online for a second time. But rather than a boyish jibe about his girth, this was about insulting their fans and, worse, their legacy. So c'mon Axl. Bring it. Do your worst. Oh! You already did.

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