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Adding the Second Child



My sleep patterns changed (or were eliminated), my body was totally different (like- fluffier), my marriage changed, my husband was suddenly a different beast, everything was different! 
I don't know how to explain it all, but it was very different and sometimes difficult for me.
Then he got older.  I started to notice women around me who were a little farther ahead of me in the game of motherhood.  They already had their second child.  I will be honest.  Some of them seemed kind of...crazy.  Or overwhelmed.
Frankly- I didn't want to be crazier or more overwhelmed.  I was really happy with just my one perfect baby.
And then, when he was about two, I got pregnant again.  I don't remember trying to get pregnant, it just happened and it was something of a shock.
Truth be told, I spent almost the entire pregnancy horrified.
So, here I am, pregnant and scared.
I was worried too about being overwhelmed.  I didn't want to be miserable, in over my head, freaking out, and have insane kids to boot.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle what my life would become.
I remember finally just sitting down for a quiet moment, and talking to this new baby.   (I am not the "talk to your baby" type of mama.  The idea is fine in theory, but I am just not that way.  So this was kind of a big deal for me.)  I just talked to this little baby in my belly and told her that I loved her.  I told her I was ready for her to come.  And I prayed and choose a name for her from the Bible.
You know what happened?  I had another baby.
And it was wonderful.
Really, it was nothing like what I had expected.
Once she was with us, I couldn't imagine life without her.  In fact, I wondered why I had waited that long to have another baby.
I guess what I am saying to people who wonder if they should have another baby is- I don't know if YOU should.  But I am glad that I did.
Adding a baby doesn't necessarily make life harder, it just makes it different.  But new baby different is kind of awesome.  I heard somebody say once that having a new baby in a home brings a special spirit that can heal things.  Now, I hope people NEVER have children to "fix" their lives or their marriages. That is a stupid and selfish game to play with a life.



Comments (6)

I have three. Fourth on the way. They are amazing, and I'm glad we're all here...
Oh my goodness, Sarah, I needed to hear these EXACT words. My son is 19 months old now, and I swear all my friends who had children around same time as me last time are either pregnant again or have a second child already. I grew up in a big family - my husband and I WANT a few children (5? 4? 3? haha the number keeps getting smaller) but, but, but...I am struggling with having a toddler. I feel incredibly overwhelmed. More so than when my son was newborn! The thought of getting pregnant makes me cry. I don't have my body "back" yet! I don't get enough sleep yet! I'm not exercising...ever! I am barely making it through each day. How could I possibly have two children!?!? I feel like I AM a good loving mother to my son, but for some reason this voice in my head tells me that if I had another baby I would turn into an awful, incompetent, crazy, terrible, unloving, non-coping mother. yeesh! the anxiety! I have had SO MANY friends tell me something along the lines of "just do it and you won't regret it, yes it's hard but you manage...you find a new normal blah blah blah". But reading your words has really helped me hear those reasurances in a different light. I guess what i'm trying to say is, I believe you. I believe it will be ok. Great even!
Thanks :)
I may agree with you when my little ones are older, but... for me, going from 1 child to 2 has been really difficult. Yes, there's no doubt my love expanded enough to include them both. You're right that the more love you need, the more you have. If only you had more time when you need it too... or more energy... or more money... or more helping hands... or more focus... or more space in the house... or more patience... or more arms to hold little ones. Those things unfortunately don't necessarily grow when you need it. You may love both your children just as much... but you might not be left with the time or energy to show it. It's true that going from 1 to 2 isn't double the work... but it's not less. I think it's actually triple the work when they're little.. by the time you take care of #1's needs and then #2's needs and then don't forget there are the interactions between the two that you'll have to deal with too. Try doing that after being up all night with baby teething. Or when then older one is jealous and takes it out on the little one. Or when you have the baby blues. Talk about a kick in the pants. Before #2 was born I loved to read that book On Mother's Lap to my daughter... after #2 was born I felt like it's a big lie, and she and I were duped... there's not always room on mother's lap. Sometimes maybe, but not always... probably not even most of the time. My baby is now almost a year old, and like I said, I may feel like you down the road. But right now, I wish someone had told me how hard the transition is from 1 to 2... rather than just telling me that "your love grows" and "the second one is always easier". Maybe I'm the exception, but FOR ME, adding the second child has been really hard. And I wish someone had warned me how hard it might be so I could have considered that when planning my family and could have been better prepared.
Mothering › Baby Articles › Adding The Second Child