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Funny Child Poems | Funny Poems About Child

These Funny Child poems are examples of Funny poems about Child. These are the best examples of Funny Child poems written by international PoetrySoup poets


Details | Rhyme | |

Mrs Briggs' cat

Mrs Briggs' cat. There's plenty to do in our neighborhood, with games and places to explore. But you really should run, 'cause the trouble's begun, when you hear that "meow" at your door. A cute little tabby cat sits on the step, all fluffy and gentle as can be. Just try not to be dim, as you pet it, on a whim, It'll eat you alive for its tea! "Tiddles" belongs to old Mrs Briggs, who lives up the end of my street. She thinks it's a breeze, but there're no guarantees, that this pussy will ever be sweet. Our local vicar thinks the damn thing's possessed, and I'd say that he's right on the nail. Surprised I would be, If I wasn't to see, Satan's head poking out of its tail! So if you see that tabby cat coming your way, I beg you, don't stand there and wait, Don't stroke it, don't pet it, look, sunshine, FORGET IT, Or that moggy will seal your fate!

Details | Rhyme | |

Silly Billy Goes To The Zoo -

Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu That day the whole sky was blue And he carried along his teddy Pooh Silly Billy love walking to the park every day He love watching the clouds in the sky, Silly Billy was just a regular kid too And he had a lot of friends at school like you. Silly Billy best friends were Sue and his Pooh, So when his parents took him to the zoo, He was so happy to bring along his Pooh, And show him all the places to see. Silly Billy wanted to see everything in the zoo, Starting with: the bears, the tigers, and all the monkeys too. Silly Billy asked his dad to let him feed all the animals you see, But his dad told him, he couldn't do that, 'cause that was a wrong thing to do. Silly Billy loved all the animals in the zoo He was so happy to have spent there the day He had so much fun enjoying all the view His father promised him to bring back another day. Silly Billy went back home content with his Pooh, He gave a big hug to his mom and his dad that day; The day was still beautiful but was almost through Silly Billy smiled and looked up at the sky still blue. Silly Billy went along to the zoo Right after he had the flu Silly Billy went along to the zoo With his family and his teddy Pooh. Dorian Petersen Potter aka ladydp2000 copyright@2007 October, 5, 2014

Details | Rhyme | |


The tarantula built  
a web in the upper-left corner of my patio;
she weaved it perfectly as Antonio
rose on his wobbling feet to reach it.

That boy didn't know that 
spiders get vicious and suddenly bite 
when someone tries to grab them for spite,

" Antonio, put it down,
before it crawls onto your skin! "
The spider will bite you on the cheek
and you'll be doing the Tarantula Dance! "
He rebelled with a grin, transforming himself into a beast.

The tarantula built a web where rain or storms
never soaked it, and scorching sun rays
never melted laborious she was in summer's long days!
as we took daily videos and had fun watching them!
and Antonio kept his distance by warning other boys
that trying to catch a tarantula is a very dangerous game!

Details | Free verse | |

Portmanteaus Scroup

Greu has turned the color of my plarn
So I’ll just knit a legock for my child.
While getting up I trip upon my hornicorn
It makes me ridast through my small famoom.
My son comes in and loosh at my folly,
He’s sure his mom has gone a bit crazoo.
Then glares at me delivering his snark,
By asking which of us is the matune.

Greu, plarn and snark from list

My words:
Scroup: scrambled-soup
Legock:  legging-sock
Ridast:   ride-fast
Famoom:  family-room
Loosh:  looked-shocked
Crazoo:  crazy- cuckoo
Matune:  mature-one

Other:  Hornicorn:  horse-unicorn

Brenda Meier-Hans

Details | Limerick | |


The Pancakes are ready to eat
My Granddaughter's help was so neat
The eggs she did crack 
The smiles did not lack
As eggshells were part of the treat

© 2013 Rick Zablocki 


Details | Free verse | |


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Details | Ballad | |

Rubber Duckie

Rubber duckie you're the one
You're the reason I'm the one
Rubber duckie
You're the one for me

Details | I do not know? | |

The toy factory

My child has no toys
They were all made in China
And broke in one day
My child is in therapy
All his life
And has been divorced twice

Details | Footle | |


Snow falls
Fun calls

Old folks 
Wear cloaks 

Snow slide
Sleighs ride

Cold day
Kids play

Snow fight
Cool sight 

Round balls
Crash walls

Good hit
Kid’s split

Cold nose
Froze toes

Ó February 5, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Details | Haiku | |

Aliens at Your Bedroom Window

Don’t worry now child
There's no god, so worship space
You are not alone.

Details | Free verse | |


My mom calls me Lion
Because I’m the king of my domain.
She also calls me Tiger
Cause I’m horrible to tame!
My father calls me Monkey
When I jump up on the bed.
He thinks I’ll trip and fall,
And then I’ll bump my head.
My sister calls me Fruit Fly,
Cause I like to steal her food.
I also like to buzz by
And annoy her like one too!
My brother calls me Cheetah
Cause I always beat him when we race.
He also says it’s cause I have freckles on my face.
I even think my dog thinks I’m something too
Because he always barks at me when I come into the room.

Details | Verse | |

When Grandma takes me to the park

When Grandma takes me to the park!
By Kim Mosteiro
not snakes.
will go on.
“Dedicated to my Grandchildren: ADAM, ROSIE, SERENA

Details | Verse | |

Inevitable Bear

Oh lonely Inevitable Bear,
Padding claws, death in white
Sorrow in recurring nightmare
Instinct’s test; fight or flight?

Camouflage against the fence,
A challenge; my subconscious fear
Ominous slowly moving silence,
“Let me in, there’s a bear out here!”

Details | Rhyme | |

Oodles of Joy

"Oodles of Joy"
In the morning of everyday i 
I make a food that's really 
Crunch'em, rip'em, and pour'em out 
As saliva pools form in my 
Put it in the mic for just about 
Impatiently  watching those 
beautiful noodles waiting for 
When the time Is up
I Pop it open and take them out 
And start shoving "Oodle's of 
Noodles" into my mouth. 
Khalil Wali

Details | ABC | |

Why does it have to be , ABCD and not WXYZ

Zooming at the very end
Yelling around I find my way
Xtremely touchy and tearful
Why does it always have to be
                      ABCD and not WXYZ!

Details | Couplet | |

Child once more

Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up one morning
To find you were still a child
So much energy jumping up and down upon your bed
So many wonders and thoughts swirling through your bed
No responsibilities
Just fun and play with your dolls or swinging in the trees
Getting a dose of the measles having a poorly on your knee
looking at a catalogue at all the toys
Building a den and playing cowboys and Indians
With the other girls and boys
Dressing up in mummies clothes
catching frogs and picking your nose
Rolling down grassy hills and knowls
Going for summer walks with a bottle of lemonade
Pretending you are a solider standing on parade
Watching cartoons all day on TV
Having a pet to love and feed
Giving your teddy bear a hug
Collecting crawly things like slugs and bugs
Having an imaginary friend called Fred
Bed time stories in your Jim Jams in bed
Pretending to be a pirate out at sea
Seeing strange faces in every tree
Licking the cake bowl after mummy makes a cake
Riding on your bicycle or on your roller skates
Reading books under the covers with a torch at night
Playing football flying a kite
Dreaming of becoming an astronaut a fireman and scientist too
having a great day out at the zoo
Playing children's games calling out rude names
Playing in the wood getting up to no good
Getting head Lice in your hair
Sitting in a high chair
Dancing like a loony at a party
Hating girls yuk! with their ribbons and their curls
Doctor Who Winnie the poo Sponge Bob
Larry the Lamb and Batman
and now I'm Superman!
Pink for a girl and blue for a boy
playing on the swings and slide
Bucket and spade making sand castles at the seaside
Everyone saying 'awe aren't you sweet'
Coco pops egg and toast soldiers to eat
Balloons floating high into the sky
your older sister hitting you and making you cry
Sitting on your potty
pacifier in your mouth
'Mummy I've done a poo'you shout
'Good boy I'll lift you out.
sitting in your pram Being pushed everywhere by your Mam
Going on a bus singing a little song
looking out the window and sticking out your tongue
Digging in the garden eating worms and soil
Having earache Pouring in olive oil
playing with your rubber duck and battleship
while your in the bath
reading your favourite comics and having a laugh
Asking lots of questions your parents find hard to answer
playing in the school yard playing hide and seek
Being poorly every week
new shoes happy feet holding mommy's hand and skipping down the street
Watching the fish swim around your fish tank
Putting pennies in your piggy bank
Ooh how my dipper must have stank
Ice cream and jelly tots uhhm I used to scoff the lot
playing a tree in a school play
Packing a suitcase and running away
throwing pebbles in a pond all day long.

tires me out.

Peter Dome.copyright.2014.July.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Granny Tipping








Details | Free verse | |

Have You Ever Read


~Two boys meet on an island
~~One is skin 'n bones
~~~The other one is chubby

They discover a lagoon~
Ralph teases him by calling~~
him "Piggy" -  how mean!!~~~

Piggy asks him if
There are other people on 
The island with 'em

He has no clue
But this'll answer Piggy's question --
Other boys appear - 
All diverse shapes and sizes
What'll happen next??

You'll see...

Have you ever read The Lord of the Flies?
You should read it - or you'll regret it!

Details | Light Poetry | |

The First Christmas Present


Details | Quatrain | |

New Handcuffs

New Handcuffs
We had taken our boys out to a theme park one day
They could run around wild and burn some energy away

Two days later they asked if their friend could come to play
Within few minute they came to find me, they were crying

Each turn of the key to unlock the offending restraints
Instead of unlocking them it tightened them, to his little complaints

A bit strange I thought but only for a little while

This young boy now with tears in his eyes 
Looking so lost and afraid, which is no surprise
Into the Police station I walked feeling really bold

Took one look at the child and said sarcastically
“We will fetch a female officer to sit with the boys

“What on earth are you babbling about my good man?
Just unlock and free that child as fast as you can”

Another officer entered with three pairs of bolt cutters so big

They told me they still needed to know about the sex toy
On freeing the child they took the three boys away 

My then ten year old son admitted he had done the deed
Finally satisfied enough, they let me leave with the boys
With a tap on the shoulder the policeman urged me to buy
                                                             ‘padded sex toys.’

© ~GG~ 5/12/2012

An oh so true story lol

Details | Limerick | |


My granddaughter's name is Mahala
She plays with lots of great stamina
We run here and there
We play everywhere
Pretending to be a tarantula

© 2013 Rick Zablocki

Details | Rhyme | |

I Got A Rock

On Halloween I always get a rock everywhere I go.
I decided to retaliate by throwing their rocks through their windows.
I never even get one piece of candy, that really blows.
I'm so ignorant that I cut my costume full of holes.
I look absolutely ridiculous and dorky in this stinking sheet, I don't even look like a ghost.
I'm paying people back for their unkindness, especially Lucy because she deserves it the most.
Last week Lucy told me to kick the football but I kicked her in the head.
She told her father and he started choking me, I thought I was dead.
When he got through strangling me, I dropped two Cherry Bombs down his pants.
I blew off his privates and now when he wants to give his wife some loving, he can't.
When people used to do mean things to me, they would laugh.
But now they treat me with respect to avoid my terrible wrath.

(This poem is a parody of the Peanuts Comic Strip.)

Details | Verse | |

How To Slice Pie

The homemade kitchen table sat
In the center of a small
Cozy warm room, dominated
By her, and her firm all

Cooking meals and preserving food
On the wood burning stove
She could do it all so I'm told
The stove held treasure trove

When she was teen, she learned to care
For the very young child
An older sister died leaving 
In their care four compiled

She used her knowledge rearing own
A trick held up her sleeve
To prevent sibling rivilary
Her wiles did tightly weave

She would let one child cut last piece
Of pie, other first choose
Each child would equally divide
One child right did abuse

This little boy cut one piece big
Way bigger than other
He saw he made a grave mistake
Grabbed piece ran from mother

He tripped and fell flat sprawling
Dropped his big piece of pie
And his sister sat relishing
Each bite while he did sigh

The moral of this story is 
Do right my friend at soup
Don't take too big piece of pie
The results could be dupe

Just writing for fun and telling a family story

Details | Haiku | |

Green's Payment on Tuesday (Haiku)

Monday's child eats beans,

Tuesday's child is full of Greens,

Green's payments of spinach.

Details | Tanka | |

Play With Me Papa

Play with me Papa
Dance like a princess Papa
Time to have tea Papa
Let's go to the park Papa
Wake up it's not bedtime Papa

Details | Free verse | |







Details | Lyric | |

My Blue Bearry Song

                                                                I had a dolly
                                                         His name was Bearry
                                                              He was so lazy 
                                                             He ate so many
                                                        His cheek was chubby
                                                             I called him fatty
                                                        I loved my cute Bearry

                                                           Still with the Bearry
                                                              He cool already
                                                           In blue he's steady
                                                             He was so fancy
                                                            He wore on classy
                                                            He likes to boogie
                                                           He is my cool Bearry

Author's Note:
This is a song of "There Was a Pig"
Inspired by my student who always brings her blue teddy bear wherever she goes, and always tells stories as if it was alive. At that time she hummed the piggy song and I've got inspired to change the lyric become "My Blue Bearry Song" it's because the teddy bear named Bearry and its blue in colour.

Details | Haiku | |

Haiku 44

This haiku has been deleted due to possible publication.

Details | Verse | |

The Rise Of the ZUMBIES

~The Rise of the ZUMBIES~ The Zombies are finished we squished them away They won’t be back eating brains on any other day Sucking the life out of all that they meet The undead are dying and now admit defeat. Not rising from the ground; the undead are now gone There is though a new group that we have to take on. Just as dangerous in a new way, to suck you in they pray Insidious and strong so watch over you shoulder each day. Hips wiggling, thigh strengthening, they have burst onto the scene The child of the Zombie is here and crying out as a newborn will be seen. A wiggle of the hips, the child rises from the fate of the Zombie Be not afraid and don’t throw a thrombi. The child of the Zombie is now called Zumba The reanimated dead are with here but with new agile lumbar’s Hips that wiggle, bits that jiggle and dance their way fit Thighs so strong, legs seem long; it makes you want to go try it. From Meringue to Salsa to Mambo and Cumba This new threat is rising and it’s called the Zumba Those that could not move of lift their feet in dance They are rising from their chairs they are given a new chance Flamenco is hot, bingo wings are not, and new strength is given to the knees This new craze abounds, the Zumba is here so watch out for the new found Zumbies. They will try to entice you with their wiles, they want you to dance your way fit Be careful it’s a ploy, a new undead toy, and you may be the next they will pick.

Details | Acrostic | |

Ma Hide Stress

"But, couldn’t we all just be right? "Ma asks hiding her blind eyes. At the end of the    Looping the elephant tail; she sits with another blind with a man who says,
"I say it's rotten luck all of us being blind! VERY stress inducing!" said the man 
Now hugging a leg. "It's a tree trunk!"" This entity is a snake!" Ma screams. The man done squeezing the trunk yells, "It's a rope!" "No sir" says the blind child atop, I
Say it's an elephant!""Shoosh!Don’t holler at you’re elders." the men say " Mind Ma!"

Debbie Guzzi/ Nickname/Head Mistress
Alternate Title /Ruminations on an Elephant God
Past incarnation below

Could It Be?

“Couldn’t we all just be right?”
 At the hind end of the elephant holding its tail; the first blind man said.
“Rotten luck all of us being blind!” said the blind, seated man hugging a leg.
“Perhaps, this entity is a snake.” Said the skinny blind man squeezing the trunk.
“Every one knows there is only ONE!” screamed the blind child astride.
“Don’t holler at you’re elders.” The turbaned tail wiggler shouted.
“Everyone I know thinks there’s MANY”. Said the blind woman rubbing toenails.
“Unlikely, very unlikely,” they bickered.  “It’s a Snake.” “It’s a Tree”. “It’s a rope!” 
“Maybe we should ask IT.” Said the child, and she laughed till she fell off.

Details | Rhyme | |

The Sky is Calamotastrophing

"The Sky is Calamotastrophing!"
Screamed little Jenny Lou!
And everyone panicked, running this way and that!
I just didn't know what to do!

Amidst all the commotion,
I quite calmy asked,
"What does calamotastrophing mean?"
But Jenny didn't reply back.

The sky was calamotastrophing
right on her head!
Boy I bet she wished that today
she never got out of bed!

There were huge chunks of white stuff
thumping on the ground!
I could even see a glimpse
of a spark come out of a cloud!

The sky thought it'd be funny too
if it dumped water on us as well!
And so we were drenched with water!
Jenny wasn't happy! I could tell!

"Why are you doing this?"
I yelled to the sky.
It answered back with a freezing glob of powder.

But soon, the sky stopped
calamotastrophing for good!
"I'm glad that's over!" I said aloud.
At least the word calamotastrophing I finally understood!

Details | Grook | |

Who's In Charge


Backseat drama
has crossed the line
Do not cave!
You are THE mama!
They don't behave?
Just more whine
Just be resigned
to drive them home to bed/ pajamas!
Be inclined to have the wine
you crave!

For Suzette Crous Contest: Grooks For All Occasions   (annoying sounds)

Details | Rhyme | |


My glass is made of plastic,
My chilli's rather hot,
So why do people name things
After things they're clearly not?

Details | Free verse | |

12:40 AM: Still Watching TV

Feelin' fine
On a Sunday night, despite my
Lack of sleep
I need sleep for school tomo
I'm a crazy boy, I know!
Watchin' film 
Watchin' DODGER games 
And Lakers Games
With my brother and sister on red couch 
T.V. night tonight! 
Watchin' screen eagerly
Watchin' scary movie
Watchin' my bro's tennis match
Watchin' cartoons

Like Spongebob and.... 

Never mind that! 
No one needs tah no dat!

Details | Light Poetry | |

What Makes You Happy

What makes you happy?
Is it the stars at night?
The sound of the chirping birds?
Or is it because you received a blessing?

Are you happy because your chicken already laid its first egg?
Or because you've been enrolled to a school?
Is it because you've been rewarded a new pair of slippers?
Or because you got what you wanted from the mall?

Or maybe because your dad brought you to Disneyland?
Is it because life taught you a new game today?
Or because you enjoy some game on your iPod?

Are you happy because you've perfected the taste of your coffee?
Is that grin because of a bet you've won?
So why? Tell me

Is it because you just finished a novel?
Or because you've composed a song yourself?
Are you glad that you've designed a perfect house for you?
Or because you gave yourself a car?

Are you smiling because of your high grades?
Is it because you made a new friend today?
Do you feel great for having an awesome pet?
Or is it because your family loves you so?

Why are your dimples showing off?
Is it because you feel God's presence?
Is that what makes you happy?

So what exactly makes you happy?
Who created that rainbow in your eyes?
Are you happy because you feel it?
Or are you just happy because you say so?

Details | Quatrain | |


Hello Coach Bob,
I just thought I'd write
A note to tell why
I missed practice last night.

I could say I was sick,
Which was kind-of-sort-of true
But you would not believe that
Sort of thing, would you?

I could say I was busy
With homework and chores, too,
But that is not an excuse 
That's strong enough to do.

I could concoct a story,
Unbelievable, but true!
About robbers and car crashes,
But that would not fool you.

I don't know...what's the use?
Could I just say I'm without excuse?
Wait...there was no practice yesterday.
Guess I don't need to write this anyway.

Details | Light Poetry | |


Mothers seem to get all the press
Dads seem to be forgotten
I know some of them are not much good
But I still think that’s a bit rotten.

Mothers can be bad as well
It won’t come as a surprise,
But remember if it wasn’t for your dad,
You wouldn’t be here to criticise.

Dads are good and they work hard
The money to bring in
Some bring up the children nowadays
As mums go to work and pitch in.

My dad is gone a long time now
 I still miss his advice on living
He was a pain sometimes as well
But I can still forgive him.

He would love the new technology
The mobile phones and laptops
His Sinclair computer was magical then
He’s never heard of I pods.

Children rule the world today
And I really don’t think that’s good.
Look at all the mess they make
And I really don’t think they should.

 A child today cannot be wrong
“Its parents faults” it’s that old song.
“It’s the way you bought them up
You shouldn’t be in that neighbourhood.”

But the child that rules this country place,
Could do with a good slap in the face.
His name gives clue it's Cameron
Because it rhymes with A moron.

Dads are great, and equal, they just don’t wear the dress
Let’s give all the dad’s out there, a much better press.
Dads should have equality in these new modern times
But we girls know what dads really want
We can read between the lines!!

Details | Ballad | |


The child pondered this and asked can he be fixed

It isn’t as simple as that my boy
Why he’s not a doll or a simple toy

Secondly the child pondered what was the matter
Stomach swelling and cerebral contusions from a Horrible clatter 

A drunk man going home one eve
Didn’t mind help or watching his speed

So he was just in the wrong place
The boy was young and chase

A bruise was all the drunk man suffered and mental grief
Now the boys friend now enjoys a painless Eternal sleep

A grown man one day entered a grave yard and promised
A point that he nearly missed

So he set about securing himself as a prohibitionist

The young man accomplished a good many laws indeed
Until he found that a drink was all he would  need

He got sick, ill rather more like a severe headache

That was against his word, promise, and his claim!

So he did! Later found out that drink saved him
He had a blood clot in the brain would have slain him

He sought to utilize his skills to bring back alcohol use
Though not to over exceed or abuse

He won his endeavor with prohibition and drank responsibly
Taking away keys and driving licenses to the weak and wobbly

Every night asks forgiveness for this transaction


Details | Rhyme | |

Sort Of True Life

About half way through this next poem I had a slight break with reality and decided to go straight for the humor! Hope you enjoy it.
When she was a child of dreams 
She knew for certain stars could fly 
And high above the billowed clouds 
Is where she knew the angels lie 
When she was a child of light 
She saw the world in different views 
In colors filled with golden dawns 
And everything she saw was new 
When she was a child of life 
She put behind her childhood dreams 
After that 
Everything went to hell 
She lost her job 
Got shot 
Was arrested for public lewdness 
And ended up in debtors prison 
Spent 16 months on skid row 
Found religion 
And three years later elected president

Details | Rhyme | |

At a loss for Lego's

My words are like legos, 
scattered all over the floor. 
All colorful shapes and sizes
different combinations to explore.

 I’m like a poor lego man,
With his head on backwards.
I remove my head and search it,
In desperation when I lack words.

Because my words are like legos
and sometimes they’re hard to find.
Missing pieces  in the dark,
the little crevices of my mind.

My words are like messy legos,
like a castle that’s been broken. 
Being rebuilt piece by piece, 
With every word that’s spoken.
So I’ll gather all my legos,
and I’ll build a castle too!
I’ll use all my beautiful legos,
I would build it just for you. 

But you came and stole my lego's,
You swooped them off the ground.
I tried to tell you my secret, 
But I couldn’t make a sound.

Why did you take my legos?
That wasn’t part of the deal. 
Please just give them back, 
So I can tell you how I feel. 

Details | Free verse | |


Nice - I'm a nerd
Emptiness fills my cranium
Rain springs out of my eyes - blurs my glasses 
((just give me a second)) I'm sneaky and smart! IN YOUR FACE xDD

Details | Free verse | |


Candy is good
Candy is sweet
Candy is my favorite treat!
I eat it all day!
There's no such thing as tooth decay!

Lollipops! Gumdrops!
I'll eat them until my teeth rots
But they never will I've still got all mine
Brushing is a waste of time.

I wish all the candy on the world was mine
I'd eat it to I get old and died
If I ever ran out of candy I'd cry

The dentist tells me it must be pulled.

Details | I do not know? | |

the Zany Zoo

The awakening of the dawn like a butterfly busting through the cocoon.
The rhino's thyroid condition was exacerbated as the cheetah conflict 
As I drank in and tasted the coolness of the water, 
my eyes gazed upon the crocodile's welcoming smile, 
the caption was split apart by the hyena's maniacal laughter,
As I breathed in the heinous adventure,
man what I would do for a cliff bar!
Billy Roberts from Germantown Pennsylvania, you are the planner of my trips 
no longer.
I'm immersed in the baboon conflict much,
Cheetah's are too anxious and scared'
those crazy colored monkeys,
Always be constantly straight trippin,
I suppose its time to go snatch up a snow cone,
At least then i'll be heated up,
Suppose I'll meander down yonder over in the holler,
the Zoo will be closing soon,
Why is this peacock making a bead-line for me?
Get hence from me you beastly bird!
You Great White, who's sensed the blood in the water,
the kids are all laughing at me, 
As I hang clumsily from this tree,
Screaming shrill and hoarsely for someone to come and save me, 
I enmesh myself and become one with the tree,
Ya that's right devil-bird! walk away!
that's why they call me lizard lips,
I can hide from anything,
Wednesday will be my greatest day,
because it begins in W and ends in Y, 
As I take in a deep relaxed breath and pinch my leg until my eyes begin to 
adjust again,
The Bronx Zoo is no bueno,
Asta la Vista you toothy baboons

Details | I do not know? | |

To Be a Child Again by Kenny Davis

To Be a Child Again by Kenny Davis

I see the children of today
Their smiles take me away
To my times as a child
And the games that I would play

To be a child again
Means to be taken to an imaginary place
Where a box could be a house or race car
Or a ship in outer space

To be a child again
Means Mother is God in my eyes
My father is like my hero
Like Superman in the skies

To be a child again
There are many times, I would smile from ear to ear
I would jump into my parent’s loving arms
With nothing left to fear

To be a child again
Full of bedtime stories and fairy tales
Whether it was Jack and the Beanstalk
Or Jack and Jill with their water pails

To be a child again
My life filled with Mother Goose
The tails of Humpty Dumpty
And Green Eggs and Ham from Dr. Seuss

Now that I have grown
I recall my times as a child
So young, so innocent
So reckless and wild

To be a child again
My parents would wipe away every tear
It is all of those tender moments as a child
That I will always hold dear

© June 2009 k.davis

Details | Acrostic | |

As the Baby Cries

At a

And complete

Of time,
Sanity, as well as

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm Eric Cartman

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little bitch.
My mom is poor, she certainly isn't rich.
She posed nude in a magazine because she's a Crack Whore.
She couldn't afford to buy me an IPad and that made me sore.

After I lied on DR. Phil, Apple was about to give me a Human CentiPad.
But they got an order to disassemble it and that really made me mad.
I started cursing God and he struck me with lightning.
I won't ever mess with him again, he's too frightening.

Many people hate my guts because I'm a racist punk.
When I offended a girl classmate, my ship was sunk.
She beat me up because she's a tough little Lass.
I tried to fight back but she kicked my sorry ass.

I certainly don't have a heart of gold, I'm a terrible lad.
People wonder how a nine year old boy can be so bad.
If you do something bad, I'll rat you out because I'm also a snitch.
I will not change my ways, I'll continue to be an evil little bitch.

(This poem is based on the South Park cartoon.)

Details | Rhyme | |


There are some that are gross, slimy, and grimy and smelly too but that could be 
helped with tooth paste who knew? Obviously not you. Just to minutes day and 
night and that smile will be white and bright!

Details | Rhyme | |


I had enough money saved to buy an XBOX One.
It was going to be a Christmas Present for my son.
It turned out that every XBOX One was sold out in every store.
But one place wasn't completely sold out, they had one more.
When my wife was about to get the last XBOX, another woman grabbed it first.
My wife slapped the crap out of her and the situation went from bad to worse.
My wife was arrested and she was thrown in jail.
I had to use the money for the XBOX One for bail.
That woman eagerly pressed charges when she got hit.
When our son got nothing for Christmas, he threw a fit.
I told him that family is the best present to have for Christmas but he didn't see it that way.
My wife and I both got the finger from our son on Christmas Day.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | I do not know? | |


The most appalling thing to see
According to the likes of me
Is when abroad upon the street 
A child that screams and stamps its feet
And parents who then try to quell
The ravings of the child from Hell

They attempt, in their entreaty
To appease, with toy and sweety, or
Promises of things to come 
A brand new bike from dad and mum 
So, parents do not plead or beg
Just slap the buggers round the leg

© John W Fenn  27-07-2009

Details | Couplet | |

I am just a woman...

I can’t fly a jet plane or bulldog a steer
But I can cuddle a child and calm his fear
I have never flown to Paris in the Spring
But I have proudly worn his wedding ring
Never understood physics or trigonometry
But I know a lot about Texas history
Can’t say I have been around a NASCAR track
I have stood by my word and never looked back
I sing off key sometimes, I know
Singing praises to Him that I love so

I am just a woman...
Not a beauty queen
Riding in a white limousine
A woman who is middle aged
Who lives alone and is not afraid
One who has taught school over twenty years
Lived my life with much laughter and tears
Borne a child and lost another
Been little sister to my sis and brothers
Believes in God and trusts in Him
Doesn’t worry about being slim and trim
One you can always count on being around
To cheer you up when you're feeling down
Willing to share your heavy load
Walk that extra mile down the road

I am just a woman...
So if I never see the Taj Mahal
In this life, I have had a ball
I’ll never have any extra money
But I have a man who calls me honey
Never visit the Pope in Rome
But I have a wonderful place to call home
Won’t be asked to confer with the president
But in America, I am a happy resident
I will never have fortune or fame
But I can still be proud of my name

Details | Free verse | |

The Adventures Of Bobo and Coco

Bobo and Coco were playing in the park
but had to hurry home before it got dark
deciding to take a shortcut through the cemetery 
when they ran into a man called Harry
he stopped them both "dead" in their tracks
with his evil stare and constant lip smacks

well my young strapping lads, said he
"what's your hurry, do you have to pee"?
at the same time they both said "no sir"
"we're in a hurry to go eat supper"
you boys must be twins, the man said
"everything's the same down to the pointy head"

The boys nervously nodded to affirm
his questions causing both to squirm
Children, oh children, are you afraid of me
I taint' afraid of nuttin said Bobo quickly
while Coco lowered his head silently
causing the man to point wickedly

And what of you young man
if he can speak, surely you can
Coco said loudly, "surely I'm not afraid of thee"
fear not my father hath taught me
the man laughed with a thunderous roar
pausing shortly and then laughed some more

Well now, you tell your daddy you met Harry
tell him that Harry looked really scary
but you weren't afraid at all
looked me in the eyes and stood tall
that's how a man should always be
and tell him my last name was Houdini

Poof, he disappeared into thin air
causing the boys to hightail it out of there
but as they were leaving at a rapid pace
they saw the headstone with Harry's face.......

Houdini, Harry, 1874-1926

Details | Blank verse | |

Running with Scissors

The alphabet but has held true
you get the paper I'll get the glue
clipping and shaving spreading everywhere
giggles and laughs seaping through fingers
the hushing back and forth
don't wake mom
don't make a mess
don't run with scissors
for all those rules we had to break
for that defines what a child is all about
a surprise for her from us
to give her a smile that will make her bust
for everyday is mother's day
when your child runs with scissors
creating something new
something old
something blue
a perfect marriage of innocence and youth
a match made in heaven
for it is but a blessing to have children 

Details | I do not know? | |


A mother told me to love a child is divine,
I didn’t understand until I had mine.
Divine, though she is, still there is more.
She is wonderful, beautiful and rotten to the core.
I would tell people to love a child is divine,
But I feel so much more when I look at mine.