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Sexual politics

The Egg Dance


That is a detail from The Egg Dance by Pieter Aertsen.

What made me laugh though was the caption next to it…



















I bet Prince Philip has had a gleg…


Where does it all go? (or come from?)

Penis pumps cost U.S. government millions, watchdog cries waste


Just a minor point but how much does the “government watchdog” that surveys the price of penis pumps cost? Just a thought.

A minor thought. Two major ones spring to mind. The first is of course to do with economies of scale (oh, err missus!). Surely Medicare could get more bang for buck (so to speak) than an individual due to greater economies of scale? That is the real scandal here but more on that later.

Now, I did a 5s Google and is knocking them out at from about GBP14.99 (that’s, what, 20 bucks a throw. Does anyone seriously believe the average yank on the sans a wank can’t afford 20 bucks for sex?) So this is the second point – why? Well, I guess it could be argued that sex is a right and Medicare ought to pay. But why pay twice the odds? That’s back to the first point. This is deeply inefficient.

So where does it all go? How much isn’t stealth planes or Obamacare but sheer waste? And buying an item for twice the retail rate is waste in spades. It is reckoned that the 21 B-2 Bombers built by Northrop-Grumman cost over USD2 billion a throw (and the operating costs are astronomic) but nobody really expected an intercontinental range bomber to be bought from the penny-jar (even with the Slovak 50 Eurocent that always finds a way in there). Penis pumps though are something I can find on Google in seconds. Is the US Department of Cock (and indeed Bull) lacking a computer? If they are they can speak to me and I’ll quote them an interesting price.

I mean it is sometimes worth looking at the small ticket items too because there are so many and a million here and a million there and soon it is billions and then it’s a billion here or there and then rapidly you are talking serious money.

So, apart from offering a service no one needs because anyone can get it off their own bat and doing this in a deeply inefficient way we come to the real er… meat. I can best sum this with a quote from the article…


Why did I make that strong (I watched too many “Carry On” movies as a kid). Well, that and who is being subsidised? Not the seniors for sure. Just think who. This happens all the time. Look at the F-35 programme. Would it be interesting to suggest that the F-35 is a farce* on a trillion+ dollar budget which oddly enough (I think) has contracts in 48 states (and abroad). God knows what the congress-types from a pair of states were doing that afternoon. Manning Ted Kennedy’s penis pump (now deployed in Somerset?).

Anyway, it’s all er… pork barrels.

*A late block F-16 knocks it into a cocked hat for half (less?) the money. Possibly less than half the money.

The consequence of bias in divorce

Walking Away




Kenyan fiddling with a kid.






Anyway, on with this tale of utter depravity…








Quotes from The Mail.


This is what happens…


Anyway, this is what happens…




How many Afghan wars has Britain been in now?


From wikipedia



I am no man.



That is fucking top quality. It really is.


I kinda wish I had.

Aussie Girls Know all the Words to Songs By Chaka Khan.

It would be very easy to see this as a “funny” and dismiss it. It is not. It is deathly serious.

I sound like Professor Snape.

Anyhows this is the story…

An Australian civil servant has lost a bid for compensation for an injury incurred while she was having sex during a work trip.

The woman was injured when a light fitting fell on her and a colleague while they were having sex in a motel.

The claimant initially won compensation from government insurer Comcare.

But the High Court overruled that judgement, saying the woman’s employer had not encouraged her to engage in the activity that led to the injury.

Final ruling

The woman says she suffered damage to her nose, mouth and a tooth and psychological trauma after the light fitting was pulled from its mount.

But after a lengthy legal battle, four of the High Court judges ruled against the woman, with one judge dissenting.


“On the facts of the respondent’s case, the majority held that the answer to that question was ‘no’.”

The woman, who has not been named, has no further right to appeal.

And neither should she. That this got to the High Court rather than was laughed out of it is astounding. I have worked for gubbermunt at times and had sex and like whatever! What I do on my own dial is my job. What I do on the government is there’s. I once had rampant sex in a motel in the Florida pan-handle whilst watching “Grease 2″ If the candelabra had collapsed during the proceedings then…

OK, the BBC story carries two incompatible facts (and this is important which is why I bolded them). Either the light fitting fell out during this sexual escapade and then it perhaps ought to be the motel on the hook for the compensation or it was “pulled out” which means the motel ought to be be claiming from these two sorts for wrecking the room by swinging (literally) or something. What it has to do with the government is beyond me. And that one judge ruled the other way makes me despair.

Seriously this is a civil case involving either injury due to a poorly maintained motel or sexual antics that damaged that motel. God alone knows what it has to do with the gubbermunt!

And it is Gorton Girls who know all the words to songs by Chaka Khan. The graffiti is all over SE Manchester. Ever been to Gorton?










But also know them by their friends.







I wish I could turn back time.

In some ways.

I certainly don’t want a full-scale Cher comeback!


Total Fucking Barbarians…

From The Guardian



They were apparently juves at the time which don’t matter a jot to me. Nothing much does when I hear the word “crucifixion” uttered in anger in 2013AD. And I bet it’s done in public though you won’t be able to sup a beer during the hilarity for that would be immoral. Or watch girls in their summer clothes for that too would be immoral. Crucifixion for three days though is moral. Sometimes allegedly they behead you first – with a sword. Thank heavens for small mercies. God almighty, even the bloody Romans would take a few coins to break the condemned’s legs and help ‘em on their way. These depraved camel fuckers are beyond anything I can imagine – 3 days! Is that in the Qu’ran? I’ll bet dollars to donuts it ain’t anyway it’s 2013 for the love of fuck. A kid was born recently who was HIV+ and is now not. Dennis Tito is planning a second honeymoon for a middle-aged couple to Mars! My wife’s new phone has more computing power than Alan Turing ever played with. But not it would seem in the Un-Magic Kingdom (the unhappiest place on Earth). What an epic shit-hole!

1. 9/11 terrorists – 15/19 were Saudis.

2. One enlightened princeling owns an airline (as you do) and employs a female pilot. This is progress – w only got there with Amy and Amelia when my grandad wasn’t even in short pants – of course we could have got there sooner but we had to wait for two guys from Ohio to build a ‘plane. Of course whilst she can fly (because they never got around to banning it) she can’t drive to the airport because women can’t drive. She’s allowed to fly a Boeing or Airbus but a Toyota is beyond her.

3. The last King (the one before Abdullah) had hordes of children due to his harem and due to his alleged “dicky ticker” had the planet’s only one-step escalator installed in the Royal Palace.

4. I can’t go to Mecca on pain of death! Only Muslims can. Not that there is much point anyway because it’s all been paved to build 5* hotels for rich folk on the Hajj (have you seen the cost of that?). The archaeological stuff has just been flattened. It’s like Vegas without the gambling and booze and broads. Or a complete fucking waste of concrete in the desert.

But they are a key ally in the “War on Terror” (see 1) and for some Godforsaken reason we sell ‘em Gen 4.5 Strike Fighters. Blimey. The first time I saw a Tiffy it was in RSAF colours in Malta. I assume on a ferry trip. They also crucify people. I wouldn’t trust those intellectual and moral retards with a propelling pencil let alone a fighter jet. And BAE Systems only managed to get the deal via grand an hour hookers and Scotch Whisky laid down when Rob Roy was knee-high to a grasshopper. If it wasn’t for the World-Class blow-jobs and the Malts they’d have bought Block-52-60+ F-16s like any sensible person. But so would we! And I guess when you are in a country that is dryer than an Arab’s sandal* and all the girls wear the Millet’s back catalogue God knows.

Perhaps the odd crucifixion relieves the tedium somewhat. God alone knows why we don’t call them for what they are. They aren’t the only gaff knee-deep in four-star. Alberta is but that involves fracking which is controversial. Now if fracking is controversial where does that put crucifixtion?

We live in a very morally troubled World.

*BTW the (in)famous episode of “Yes, Minister” in which Jim Hacker get’s pissed on a visit to a fictional Mid-East country is based on truth. That’s magic that is, “There is a call from the Scotch (sic) Office – a delegation of Teachers”. “A call from the Soviet Embassy – a Mr Smirnoff”.

The Tatchster






























“There were many moments when I feared for my life.
















Scratches head.  That can’t be right, can it?

Oh, wait, this is what she said…








That’s because you were, and still are, deeply stupid.



















Why I despise the Daily Mail.

Hypocrisy is the short answer.






The Succession

Now much has been said about abolishing primogeniture which as Single Acts of Tyranny points out is like something from the Dark Ages. He of course goes further so read the whole thing. Good post.

But, yesterday, and before I read SAoT’s spot-on post, I clocked something. The extreme form of morning sickness that the Duchess of Cambridge has is frequently associated with a multiple pregnancy. Now being a monarch is very much a lottery of life thing at the best of times but if it is a case of twins born a couple of minutes apart it kind of focuses debate as to the arbitrariness of the order of succession.

Now, I’m a computer geek with no kids but I have a little knowledge of the mechanics and my understanding is that particularly for multiple births a C-section is often the delivery method of choice. I assume in such cases the order of succession is defined by which child is taken from the womb first. I assume this is down to the clinical decision of a member of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. A more obscure form of determining a future Head of State is beyond me.

Just a thought. At the risk of sounding vile both involve appraising entrails. Whether of a princess or a goat matters little.

Although, to be fair, if they are identical twins they can alternate the more tiresome duties, “It’s an even numbered day so you get to open the industrial park outside of Swindon!”. Nobody will know the difference. I can see an upside. Especially if it is the tiresome “spectacle” of the Royal Variety Performance with Joe Pasquale in his sodding bath-chair being as tedious as ever.

It goes without saying that I wish them all the best. The wife of a mate of mine had a tricky pregnancy recently. All worked out OK in the end but… For a while my mate didn’t look anywhere near 100%. Nor would you, nor would I. I never saw his wife at the time.

It may amaze you to know…







And then we can go bowling.

And the Dude abides.

Shafilea Ahmed.

I suspect one of the prime reasons her parents were convicted was that her sister who witnessed the murder testified that Shafilea was suffocated by having a plastic bag stuffed down her throat. It’s not the sort of thing you make-up really. I mean it is unusual.

Mr and Mrs Ahmed both received life sentences with a minimum tariff of 25 years. Good.

They murdered their daughter horrifically and then dumped the body because Shafilea was basically westernized. She hung with boys and listened to pop music and wore lip-stick. If I had a teenage daughter it’s kinda what I’d expect. Some of the boys and almost all of the pop music I might harrumph about behind from a newspaper. Actually I pay myself a disservice here. When I think of some of the folks I hung out with as a teenager and the terrible rubbish I listened to I’d have to conclude it was a learning curve. Making good judgments on either requires experience. It’s like criticizing a kid who is good at algebra for not knowing the tensor analysis required for General Relativity. Unless they are Doogie Howser and then moider most horrid is to be generally applauded.

The print copy of the Manchester Evening News (this is not 100% accurate – I merely glanced at it in a shop) had this quote from the judge, “You cared more about your honour than you loved your daughter”. Now if you put scare quotes around “honour” (for there is nothing honourable about gagging to death your daughter with a plastic bag) and maybe the judge did that vocally in the actual delivery that hits the nail on the head. Almost. There is another aspect here Shafilea was “Westernized”. What we had was a clash of cultures. I once seriously dated an American woman. Now if I had moved to the USA and say we got married, had kids and lived in the States would I expect those children to speak with my accent or be interested in Newcastle United in the FA Cup quarter finals? Of course not! And if we’d wound up in Blighty I doubt they’d give a tinker’s cuss for the fortunes of the Atlanta Braves either. It is utterly barking mad to expect otherwise.

You move to another country you move to another culture. You have to accept that. You may bring aspects of your culture (not exceeding 23kg) and that is cool but fundamentally you are going to have a miserable time of it if you don’t just jump in and swim – and hey you might even find stuff you really enjoy! And your kids will have a truly grim time of it if you enforce the “old country” on them because they weren’t pandering just around the pool and deciding whether or not to go in. They were born in the deep end.

One of the nicest guys I ever met (we were on the same team at BT) was J and he was a gen 2 Bangladeshi immigrant. He kept the Islamic faith, spoke with a Geordie accent and we “bonded” because we were both computer geeks and the training was interminable and largely incorrect on that score. He went with us on nights out (ultimate designated driver and his motor was a big ol’ Peugeot). He taught at a mosque in Elswick but was perfectly happy to drive me after a few jars and some of the lasses (these are Geordie lasses) wearing very little (one of them had as her primary “career” having sex with footballers). Apparently, at the time, she rated Wayne Bridge highest. Odd, because I always thought him fairly mediocre. Obviously I was judging on very different criteria. She knew sod all about footie and I knew nothing about shagging Wayne Bridge.

So it is possible to integrate (though hopefully not with a pretty dreadful left-back) and retain the essence of your culture but some baggage has to be checked. And some has to be left completely. And your children, and their children will naturally be much more of the adoptive culture. Otherwise why bother moving in the first place? Hell, I even saw this in a small way with my US girlf. She’d spent two years in England and folks back in Atlanta would comment on her accent. My great aunt was a ten pound immigrant to Australia. She is alas now dead but her sons and their kids are still with us. Not even she regarded herself after decades living in Melbourne as British – and why should she – Australia was where she made her career (nursing), raised her children, bought a house… What do you think the grandchildren think of themselves as? Well who do they follow in the cricket?

So it’s fine to bring your culture here (I was once finely treated to Mexican meal cooked by a Mexican… in Leeds) but there is also barbarism up with which we shall not put. So if “honour” killings or female genital mutilation or forced marriages are your schtick then consider another country – like Yemen. If the freedom to worship as you please (or not) or cook delicious Mexican food for astrophysics post-grads (and also being a mind-blowingly brilliant mathematical logician, having gorgeous green eyes speaking perfect English, knowing a lot about Borges and, alas, also have a boyfriend in Manchester – feck!) is your schtick then come one, come all!

This is not about “British values” (whatever they are) but universal values. It is utterly wrong to murder your daughter. It is utterly wrong to horrifically mutilate your daughter’s genitals (30 years and no trial) to keep her “pure” or forcing a marriage which is tantamount to holding a girl (and I mean “girl” not “woman” because it usually is) down whilst some fuckwit who can’t get “it” through wit, charm, good looks or playing left-back for Man City gets his jollies.

Culture is one thing. Evil is another.

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