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inside me

bohemian flickerings

8/6/08 05:54 am

general update for y'all. so it's 6am right. haven't slept.
feel like writing in brief sentences.
drinking coffee. busy busy busy.
do you like the picture?
yeah it's amazing.

7/24/08 09:08 pm

[ my hair smells of peaches ]

7/23/08 05:43 pm

i am the wind which ruffles each mountain,
upturned oceans crowned with snow;
staring at K2 and her silent sisters,
their spines and wrinkles high and low;
the whispers of the fallen groan like fountains

7/14/08 08:35 pm - under the blanket

first thing's first: there's a butterfly in the top right corner of my window and it's been there for hours.

so yeah i'm good.  been hectic.  so i'm having a week off, general laziness really.  but everytime i don't do something productive in an evening, or afternoon, or day etc i panic and think i've wasted it - kinda dumb i guess. 

okay i believe you, but my tommy gun don't.

it doesn't look as if i'm going on holiday this summer, which is kinda sad.  ever since i was a kid i spent at least a week abroad: in stingy whitewashed hotel rooms, or listening to the loud crickets and sprinklers at night, or misjudging the buffet meals, or wasting so many boring hours on sunbeds, or waiting for my mum and sister to get ready in hotel reception lobbies.  and that butterfly just landed on my elbow :)

it's cloudy outside - you can't even see the sky.  which is nice.  this month i should be
seeing people and visiting ldn - party on the thames - and lots of other less interesting stuff and the quiet things things that no one knows.

{i can imagine lying down there}

6/16/08 10:23 pm

i don't know how i feel.  i guess my exams conclude on wednesday, so i should feel nice and chipper - but still, i just feel so indifferent.  oh oh oh.  if you're not a vegetarian, go to this website and just watch the film for a few minutes.  it's nothing unfair or monstrously one-sided, just a glimpse at the truth.  i started to cry to be honest.  and then i nearly did again when i heard "poison oak":

Well let the poets cry themselves to sleep
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam

6/11/08 07:53 am - jamais

i can't actually remember the last time i was this upset to be honest.  crushed would be an understatement.

(nicolas poussin)

6/4/08 10:39 pm - who is my nisus?

i smell of jasmine and ylang ylang - my hair is wet - i'm drinking green tea and listening to CSNY. i was in the mood for some acoustic-folk.  i really need to buy a nikon d40 so i can make some sort of artistic attempt.  i've been reading the aeneid all day long and i'm bored of it.  roman mythology can get tedious.  i have an exam in eleven hours.  eleven is much better looking than 11.

(euryalus and nisus)

i have a subtle feeling pablo neruda may be my new hero. ily.

6/2/08 05:16 pm

i wanted to write this at a particular time, so the joy wouldn't fade.  i'm listening to deja entendu really loud, eating supernoodles, drinking flat lemonade and it's raining outside.  i mean really raining - the straight kind of raindrops too - not messy blobs but silver threads.  i love watching the rain when i'm safely indoors; i don't know whether it's smugness or just me being a freak.

and the best way to eat noodles is to drain all the water out - and get as much onto a fork as possible.  it's the way chairman mau did it when he was a boy, and look how the chinese communist state panned out.  and a few days ago i discovered chicken flavoured noodles contained animal fat, so that's off-limits then, darn. i also figured out how my webcam mic works, so stickam is going to be graced by my awkward british accent tonight. yippee?

i've come across a whole new couple of bands today - the bouncing sails, jawbreaker, the lawrence arms - they're all 90s punk bands.  i'm also currently obsessed with "we've had enough" by ac3 and the new kids in glasses album (which is fucking brilliant).  i'm also tired with dull, lifeless and unimaginative myspace clothing lines - ugh.

6/1/08 11:55 pm - the absinthe drinker

right now, i'd particularly enjoy drinking a fix of absinthe as if i were arthur rimbaud in a 19th century paris café.  writing poetry with a blunt pencil on a scruffy pad, while my companion blew the stench of smoke on the unhappy bourgeois couple, occupying a table to our side.  but i've never been to paris.

5/25/08 06:02 pm

i had the sketchiest dream last night...

i dreamt i somehow got to bristol with a friend (i can't remember who the friend was) and we were walking around the train station late at night.  so anyway we get onto some random street (which i think had cobblestones on for some reason :S ) and all of a sudden tony from skins appeared.  i went "wheeeey" and put my arm over his shoulder. he already had some other person do the same to him.

and then this girl appeared and we kissed - she had a monroe piercing. then she asked if i was sent from anybody as a joke.  i think she said i was sent by the chinese authorities.  and then i woke up cuz work phoned. FUCK OFF WORK. let me dream my bizarre worlds. yeah that was sketchy frrr surrrre. and mitch from skins is gay :O which i didn't know.

cooking dinner at the moment - and no, i don't have my laptop in the kitchen with me by the stove - don't be silly. i use a PC and we don't call it a "stove" in britain. silly rabbit.  cooking vegetarian lasagne and salad.

i really, really, really should be reading more.  fair enough revision is slaughtering any chance of free time at the moment, but still, i've stopped reading pretty much. i want to watch a film tonight - either eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, or silence of the lambs, or across the universe [WHICH I STILL HAVENT FUCKING SEEN YET].

i love dreams.  carl jung writes about them and tries to make you understand them.  i don't think that'll ever happen in all honesty.

i also learned that i should always use:
after a shower.  otherwise there's carnage.

AA soon fingers crossed - expensive though - but respected. sorry for the absence of pictures in this blog too. i'm lazy to search google. and my camera is nonexistent. and my phone camera is attached to my phone (which has been confiscated).


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