Completely wired for communication in 2006


I have come to realize that it is now 2006. I also realize that last year was 2005 and the year before was 2004.

It's not a stunning revelation, but it has helped me cope with the rapidly advancing technology age.

An episode of "The Twilight Zone" played over the weekend involving a technician whose computer had fallen in love with him. And the show was set in the early 1960s, when computers filled rooms and spat reams of paper.

Watching television shows from the ancient 1980s and beyond, it's hard to believe those prehistoric creatures had to use pay phones to communicate with their fellow travelers. How could they not have cell phones?

Even offices of ages past were unusual sights of barren desks. Where were the computers?

I shook my head in disgust when in 2000 I saw a strolling reporter completely wired for communications. Now I do it as well.

I have a phone that I've programmed to let me know when I have an incoming call. My phone stays in my pocket and a wire runs to my ear. When a call comes in, my phone asks, "Incoming call, answer?"

If I say "yes," I have to remember to say "hello" immediately afterward. I've also programmed my phone to make calls by voice orders - "home," and it automatically calls home; "office," and it automatically calls the office.

This is the Jetsons in the here and now. And it's still only 2006. Can you imagine what 2016 is going to look like - especially for tech freaks like me?

This whole phenomenon has produced some unusual problems. My telephone was feeling especially ornery one afternoon when I was trying to call "home." It kept saying, "Are you calling 'office?'" "Are you calling 'Bob Long?'"

The miscommunication made me angry. My dumb phone was toying with me. So, naturally, I yelled at it and calling it ugly names. After all, what better way to solve problems than by hollering? "No, I'm not trying to call 'Bob Long.' Why would I be calling 'Bob Long?'"

My telephone refused to listen or obey, which caused another problem - I'm sitting alone in my truck heading down the highway loudly and angrily arguing with my cell phone. Since few other motorists, if they had noticed, could see the wire bug in my ear, I got the feeling that some might have thought I wasn't mentally sound.

I fully recognize that many readers of this column may think that I'm in far less than tiptop shape mentally, but they don't gape at me in horror from nearby vehicles.

Another concern is getting calls while in the middle of real-life conversations. I realize how the Russell Crowe character in that movie must have felt when he kept engaging in private conversations with unseen friends.

In the middle of conversations, I have to say "yes" or "no" to a voice in my head that only I can hear. If I say "yes," I have to carry on a conversation with at least two people - the one in the real world and the one in the cyber world, which makes for some unusual explanations, to both voices.

A news story some time back told of a French manufacturer building a cell-phone implant. The receiver is hidden in the ear canal and the microphone is installed in a tooth.

Hearing voices in your head will no longer be a psychological malady. It'll be merely another sign of high-tech times. Yes. Yes. Hello. Hello.




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