coworkers en-US How to Get Along With Someone You Don't Get Along With <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/how-to-get-along-with-someone-you-dont-get-along-with" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="" alt="annoyed" title="annoyed" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="167" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Whether it's someone in your office or a family member, there may be someone in your life that you don't gel with. Perhaps she has one of these&nbsp;<a href="">difficult personalities</a>, or maybe the both of you are just too different. Of course, every situation is different, but here are some techniques that you can try out that may help your relationship with the other person.</p> <p><a href="">RELATED:&nbsp;9 Things You&nbsp;Can Do to Live a Happier Life, According to&nbsp;Science</a></p> <h2>Keep Your Distance</h2> <p>Sometimes it's better to start mending your relationship from afar. You'll have more control over your reactions, and you'll be able to be more objective about the situation without being subject to emotional triggers. Learn to separate reality from your own bias. Perhaps you're the one who is overreacting.&nbsp;</p> <h2>Disarming Technique</h2> <p>The disarming technique was first popularized by renowned cognitive behavioral psychologist&nbsp;<a href="" target="_blank">Dr. David Burns</a>. What you do is find a kernel of truth in her statement and agree with her. Being defensive tends to make the situation worse, so using the disarming technique will help diffuse the tension. By using this technique, you're improving your listening skills and learning to be more empathetic. Remember, people who tend to lash out can be really unhappy, so try to be understanding. It's hard to pick fights with replies like, &quot;I can see how this is frustrating for you,&quot; or &quot;You're right, it is important to be more organized.&quot; How can you further an argument with someone who is telling you you're right?&nbsp;</p> <h2>Create New Positive Experiences</h2> <p>If the majority of your recent interactions with the person are tinged with negativity, strive to create new positive experiences on neutral ground. It could be that the place where you interact the most with this person triggers strong counteractive feelings, so establish new&nbsp;positive ones.</p> <h2>Switch Topics</h2> <p>If the conversation is going downhill, switch gears and bring up a happy or neutral topic. This will give you both time to cool down and perhaps even end the conversation on a high note.</p> <h2>Think Proactive, Not Reactive</h2> <p>Given that you know you don't get along, you need to make the effort to turn that around. This means being on guard and making a concerted effort to improve the situation. Don't get complacent and let yourself react naturally, because that probably hasn't worked in the past. React with logic, not your emotions.&nbsp;</p> <h2>Observe Your Own Emotions</h2> <p>Note how you're feeling when you're dealing with the person. If you find yourself getting upset, take a breather and perhaps come back to the topic later on. If the issue you bring up is highly sensitive, give it a few days before approaching the topic. You'll be more calm and collected after some time.</p> <div class="field field-type-text field-field-blog-teaser"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> When you don&#039;t like someone, it can be difficult to spend time around that person — let alone work together. Follow these suggestions to make things easier. </div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-type-text field-field-guestpost-blurb"> <div class="field-label">Guest Post Blurb:&nbsp;</div> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <p style="text-align:center;"><a style="border:none;" href=""><img width="300" height="95" src="" alt="" /></a></p> <p><em>This is a guest contribution from our friends at </em><a href=""><em>POPSUGAR Smart Living</em></a><em>. Check out more useful articles from this partner:</em></p> <ul> <li><a href="">Compose Yourself: 10 Tips for Having More Patience</a></li> <li><a href="">13 Ways to Destress During the Workday</a></li> <li><a href="">How to Deal With These 6 Difficult Work Possibilities</a></li> </ul> <p>&nbsp;</p> </div> </div> </div> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">Written by <a href="">POPSUGAR Smart Living</a> and published on <a href="">Wise Bread</a>. Read more <a href=""> articles from Wise Bread</a>.</div></div> General Tips communication skills coworkers personal relationships Fri, 28 Jun 2013 09:48:33 +0000 POPSUGAR Smart Living 980217 at Starting a New Job: 3 Rules to Live By <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/starting-a-new-job-3-rules-to-live-by" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="" alt="people talking" title="people talking" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="186" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Being the new guy at work is like moving to a new school. You&rsquo;re hesitant and unsure of how things work, but you know you want everyone to like you. I distinctly remember starting my first real, salaried job just 24 short months ago: My boss handed me the Loan Review &ldquo;Manual&rdquo; that contained all the minutiae of how to correctly do my job. I was to read it for the first two full days. I remember desperately trying to stay awake amidst the sea of words and phrases &mdash; most of which I didn&rsquo;t even understand yet &mdash; and nearly having a caffeine-induced heart attack from too much coffee and Diet Dr. Pepper. After all, this was mind-numbingly boring, but I couldn&rsquo;t possibly fall asleep my first few days on the job! (See also: <a href="">Must-Have Qualities to Ensure Long-Term Job Security</a>)</p> <p>What led me to think about my first days at work recently was the hiring of a new employee in our department. Aside from not falling asleep on the job, our department is fairly flexible. That being said, there are a few rules that he (and every new employee) should be aware of when starting a new job:</p> <h3>Know that you&rsquo;re probably going to hate your first day on the job. Or week. Or month.</h3> <p>Sure, you might love the company, the people, and even the thought of working there, but you&rsquo;re probably going to dislike learning the basics of a new job. The reason is simple: People generally don&rsquo;t like change. It is uncomfortable to not be in-the-know about what to do, when to do it, who to tell, and all of those basics. My department often gets a laugh when we tell the story of a new girl who obtained a job through her family&rsquo;s connections to the family that owns our company. Three days later, our president called to congratulate her and to wish her well on the job, but she wasn&rsquo;t there. She had disappeared after only her first day. I mean, how do you even know whether you like or <a href="">dislike a job</a> after one day? Silly girl.</p> <h3>Ask questions in a friendly way.</h3> <p>All workplaces have a host of unspoken rules and procedures that they might forget to tell you. In our department, for example, we forgot to tell New Guy that our work retreat was casual dress. Luckily, he asked, or it would have been an uncomfortable two days for him. By simply asking, you&rsquo;ll also learn a wealth of things that your co-workers and boss simply forgot to tell you or assumed you already knew. After all, remember what happens when you assume&hellip; (Don&rsquo;t laugh. You know it&rsquo;s true.) And think about it: Your boss and co-workers have been doing their jobs for a long time, and certain things are second nature to them, so they don&rsquo;t even think to tell you. This also leads me into my next point...</p> <h3>Don&rsquo;t assume your new organization is skilled at training new employees.</h3> <p>When you&rsquo;re a small organization (like my department), there may be no formal training regimen to indoctrinate you. Perhaps there should be, but in some cases you&rsquo;re expected to figure things out on your own. Like point #2 says, ask an insane amount of questions (in a non-obnoxious way, please). Also write down what you do know (I made a cheat sheet of all the silly acronyms we use in my first days on the job so I wouldn&rsquo;t have to keep asking) and update that list as you learn more. That way, you&rsquo;ll be able to refer back to it when you inevitably forget, and you&rsquo;ll be able to pull it out at an opportune moment (like when a new employee is hired) and shine like a star because you&rsquo;ll be the first to be so well-organized.</p> <p>So that&rsquo;s the long and short of it: New jobs are more work in the beginning. Just know the basics on how to get up-to-speed quickly, and you&rsquo;ll be loving it in no time. Oh, and you won&rsquo;t be stuck wearing suits to the company retreat while everyone else is in jeans.</p> <a href="" class="sharethis-link" title="Starting a New Job: 3 Rules to Live By" rel="nofollow">ShareThis</a><br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">Written by <a href="">Janey Osterlind</a> and published on <a href="">Wise Bread</a>. Read more <a href="">Career Building articles from Wise Bread</a>.</div></div> Career Building coworkers new job starting a new job Fri, 19 Nov 2010 13:00:08 +0000 Janey Osterlind 311411 at 3 Easy Steps to Take for a Better 401k <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/three-easy-steps-to-take-for-a-better-401k" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="" alt="" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="166" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>I was recently invited to a small business 401k checkup meeting, where we talked about how the company's employees were participating in its plan, the overall performance, and fund allocations.</p> <p>When the representative suggested to hold a seminar on asset allocation, I asked whether she could separate the sessions into different age groups. She said &quot;Oh, that's not a problem. I think that's a very clever idea, but no one has ever asked me to do it this way.&quot; The right mix of stocks and bonds is different for someone early in their career versus someone who's about to retire. I'm sure you know this, but it seems like no one else in your company does.</p> <p>Not the person sitting beside you, not your boss, and not HR. No one knows much about asset allocation other than you. Yikes...</p> <p>The response was rather surprising. You'd think that everyone would know about asset allocation by now, but that's simply a false assumption. Being immense in personal finance literature has its disadvantages, <strong>as we often overlook the fact that most of the general public knows very little about basic personal finance and <a href="">investing principles</a></strong>.</p> <p>As a savvy investor who has a much better chance of achieving financial freedom, here's how you can help everyone around you.</p> <h2>Ask</h2> <p>All 401k plans are required to be looked at and discussed on a regular basis. Chances are good that representatives from the company managing your plan comes regularly too. Ask your plan administrators to have the representatives (or bring in experts) give seminars about your plan, the benefits of saving and investing for the long term.</p> <p>Most of the information they give may be familiar to you, but a refresher is always good even if you already know every tip there is to know. If anything, reminders will make you think about your retirement plan more, which can only help.</p> <h2>Suggest</h2> <p>Offer suggestions to others on how they can contribute to their plan, and perhaps even come up with a step by step plan to navigating the 401k plan web interface. The more comfortable your fellow workers are with the plan, the more likely they will commit more of their salary into it. The benefit to you may not be immediate, but bigger size 401k plans tend to have better expense ratios, which helps everybody in your company.</p> <h2>Monitor</h2> <p>The reality is that most 401k plan administrators have many other more pressing jobs than thinking about the company's 401k plan. As a result, the 401k plan is usually an afterthought of an afterthought. If you think about how important even a fraction of a percent makes in your plan over the years, the likely neglect of your primary retirement vehicle sounds ludicrous. By having more people talk about the plans at work and showing interest, it's that much more likely that your plan administrators will keep a closer tab of what could be done to improve the overall function and performance.</p> <p>It's not what you expect, but what you inspect. Help keep the plan in the forefront of your plan administrator's minds, and good things will follow. Having said that, I have got to ask: <a href="">Have you maxed out your IRA yet?</a></p> <a href="" class="sharethis-link" title="3 Easy Steps to Take for a Better 401k" rel="nofollow">ShareThis</a><br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">Written by <a href="">David Ning</a> and published on <a href="">Wise Bread</a>. Read more <a href="">Retirement articles from Wise Bread</a>.</div></div> Investment Retirement 401k benefits coworkers IRA work Tue, 08 Jun 2010 11:00:09 +0000 David Ning 120636 at The Psychology of Salaries: Do You Want to Know How Much Your Coworkers Make? <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/the-psychology-of-salaries-do-you-want-to-know-how-much-your-coworkers-make" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="" alt="" title="Office Drama" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="188" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Let's face it: our salaries are very important. They define how much our employer thinks we are worth, what we can afford to do in our lives, and even our self worth. I've <a href="">said it before</a> and I'll say it again: we are what you make.</p> <p>Our salaries are also a way to measure how our career is going (is it steadily climbing or has it stagnated?) and what kind of future we may or may not have at our jobs.</p> <p>At my old job, for example, getting a raise was like pulling teeth. Even if you went above and beyond your duties to help the company, it didn't matter a whole lot. Salaries were kept low because that was just the way business was done. To most people there, being underpaid was simply a fact of life. It's one of the reasons I left and the main reason turnover was so high.</p> <p>So I'm definitely one of those people that thinks you should pay attention to your salary and make sure it reflects how hard (hopefully you're all working hard out there) you're working.</p> <p>But there's a limit:<strong> </strong>it's worth it to compare yourself to the people around you.</p> <h3>I Can't Believe He's Making More Than Me!</h3> <p>This is the kind of thing that will drive you insane. Let's say that someone you work with who is at the same level you are drives you nuts. For whatever reason, you see yourself as being WAY&nbsp;smarter, WAY&nbsp;more efficient, and WAY more hardworking than that person.</p> <p>And then let's say you find out they make just as much as you do. Or&mdash;gulp&mdash;more than you. It'll drive you crazy if you let it get to you. Here's where you can refer to an old maxim that will help you through a lot of issues in your life (not just at work): <strong>Life isn't fair.</strong></p> <p>Get used to it. The only thing comparing salaries will get you is some tense moments in the office. Maybe you'll feel unconsciously hostile towards some people if you disagree with what they're making. Maybe it'll just wear you down after a tough day at work. Maybe it'll make you bitter. Either way, it won't help you in any way. All it will do is hurt.</p> <p>After all, there's a reason most employers discourage (or straight up forbid) the discussion of salaries among employees. It's just not healthy.</p> <h3>Worry About What You Can Control</h3> <p>Can you control what your coworkers make? Nope.</p> <p>Can you walk into your boss's office and say, &quot;I&nbsp;want a raise because X&nbsp;is making this much and I am 15% better than her&quot;? Nope.</p> <p>Here's what you can control: your own salary. Nothing else.</p> <p>How?&nbsp;Well, there are lots of ways. But in my mind, the best thing you can do is focus on becoming a <a href="">better employee</a>. That means doing things like showing up early, helping your boss out, and going beyond the scope of your job.</p> <p><strong>If you feel you deserve more money, make a rational case for it. </strong>Check out <a href=""></a> or <a href=""></a> to see how you compare to other people doing your job (comparing your salary to averages or to people outside your company is fair game). If you are below the averages, then you may have a case. And if you aren't but still want a raise, force one by showing your boss the great work you're doing.</p> <p>I&nbsp;don't mean sending emails from home at 10:59pm just to show you're &quot;working,&quot; but real, quantifiable work that no one can argue with.</p> <p>Make it easy for y our boss and for everyone to see that you deserve a raise.</p> <p>Just stay away from the comparison game. All it will do is frustrate you and make your time at work that much more unpleasant.</p> <p><em>This post was included in the <a href="">Carnival of Pecuniary Delights</a></em></p> <a href="" class="sharethis-link" title="The Psychology of Salaries: Do You Want to Know How Much Your Coworkers Make?" rel="nofollow">ShareThis</a><br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">Written by <a href="">Carlos Portocarrero</a> and published on <a href="">Wise Bread</a>. Read more <a href=""> articles from Wise Bread</a>.</div></div> Personal Finance Career and Income coworkers salary Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:34:56 +0000 Carlos Portocarrero 2989 at Is This Job Worth It? <p><img src="/files/fruganomics/wisebread_imce/flair.jpg" alt=" " width="252" height="174" /></p> <p>This post technically isn&#39;t about me. It&#39;s about a friend, a lousy job situation, and soliciting feedback from our readers for a friend of mine.</p> <p>Tiffany is an engineer who works for a small start-up. She makes a very good salary, has benefits, and doesn&#39;t have a particularly heavy workload at the moment (her company is building a product, so the work comes in fits and starts, so she&#39;s been chilling for a couple of months while the hardware is being built). Anyway, Tiff is kind of bored right now, but otherwise OK. She&#39;s the only female in her office, and works with about 12 men who are much older than she is (she&#39;s 27, they&#39;re all about 45-57). </p> <p>She feels well-respected and knows that she has plenty to offer the company. The CEO seems to like her, she gets long well with everyone.</p> <p>Tiff recently became close with a coworker named Mike. Not close-close in a here-comes-the-lawsuit kind of way, but so that they discussed their lives with each other. Mike could complain about his college-age daughters to Tiffany, and she would assure him that they would turn out fine. They both discussed their concerns over the direction of their company, which was erratic, to say the least.</p> <p>Mike&#39;s job was to coordinate several engineering projects, although he wasn&#39;t technically a manager. Mike got along well with the CEO, and idea-man who is big on vision and short on business plans. He was one of the few people who could tell the CEO when he was getting off-track.</p> <p>A few weeks back, the company almost went under. Funding wasn&#39;t coming in as expected, and paychecks were delayed. Tiffany and everyone else started sending their resumes out to old coworkers and recruiters, but kept working for the company with the CEO&#39;s reassurance that the checks were in the mail. </p> <p>When Tiff and Mike were having lunch one day, and talking about where they were going, Tiff expressed some of her concerns about the proprietary nature of the job. Because everything that they are developing is very hush-hush, Tiff isn&#39;t able to say much on her resume beyond &quot;I coded some things that I have to kill you over if you knew about them.&quot; She told Mike that she was worried about continuing to work for a company that wouldn&#39;t put a product out for two years, and she&#39;d have nothing to show for it on her resume in the meantime, should she need to find a new job.</p> <p>Mike started discussing the company&#39;s non-compete contract, something that all employees are required to sign. The non-compete had been written and rewritten, with several rounds being rejected by the employees because they were far too strict. The final had not yet been drafted, and thus, no one had signed it. Mike stressed that if Tiffany were to leave, she would need to sign it.</p> <p>&quot;Mike,&quot; said Tiffany, &quot;I&#39;m not signing that. I&#39;d never get hired anywhere else if they knew I signed that thing. You know that. I know that. That&#39;s why no one signed it.&quot;</p> <p>Mike shrugged and kept eating his hotdog. He later said something about wanting to ensure that Tiffany stayed onboard, which Tiff thought was nice. Then they discussed his job prospects at his old employer, and the positions that Tiffany was interviewing for, just in case the company went under.</p> <p>A couple of days later, Tiffany was called into the CEO&#39;s office. The CEO, Jim, was red in the face. He told Tiffany not to take what he was about to say in the wrong way, and then launched into a rambling lecture about the importance of focusing on one&#39;s job. When Tiffany tried to assess what he was talking about, he said something like &quot;I can&#39;t have you looking sideways, looking for other jobs, always looking around for a better position.&quot; Tiffany explained that she wasn&#39;t always looking around, but that she had sent out her resume like everyone else when the paychecks stopped coming.</p> <p>Tiffany was understandably upset, realizing that Mike had ratted her out. Technically, she hadn&#39;t done anything wrong, and since everyone, including Mike, was putting out employment feelers, she didn&#39;t see the need for all the blustering. The CEO then said, &quot;Now, going forward, this isn&#39;t going to affect your job here at all. We like you, and we want you here,&quot; which Tiffany immediately realized was code for &quot;This is definitely something that we will hold against you for a long time.&quot; When she got up to leave, feeling like she would either cry or scream at any minute, Jim added, &quot;We need to you to be 100% on-board. We need enthusiasm. We can&#39;t have anyone half-assing this.&quot; </p> <p>Now, engineers are not an enthusiastic bunch. Tiffany felt like she was being given the &quot;You need to wear more flair&quot; speech. Half-ass? She worked as hard as anyone else at the company.</p> <p>That&#39;s when Mike came to her desk and asked if he could talk to her. Slightly pissed at him, she followed him to the conference room, where Mike proceeded to explain that not only had he told the CEO that Tiff was looking for a new job, but that she was refusing to sign the non-compete. Basically, Mike had told her boss that she was leaving the company, and was taking the technology with her.</p> <p>Tiffany didn&#39;t know what to say, so she got up and left. </p> <p>An hour and a half later, a company meeting was called, and it was announced that Mike was now in charge of Tiff&#39;s projects. Basically, Tiffany was demoted, and Mike was put in charge of her.</p> <p>Now, Tiffany is in a rough place. She hates Mike with all of her heart, and knows that what he did, he did for the purposes of climbing the corporate ladder, which is kind of odd in an office of less than 15 people. Although she has since clarified her position and intentions to the CEO, and signed the new non-compete along with the rest of her coworkers, she can&#39;t help but want to stab Mike through the eyeball with a sharpened #2 pencil.</p> <p>I&#39;ve listened to Tiff&#39;s woes over a beer or two, and I can&#39;t think of a single good bit of advice to give her. She could retaliate against Mike and casually mention the times that he commented on the CEO&#39;s wife&#39;s ass. She could quit and do some contracting, because permanent jobs are hard to come by. Or she could just suck it up and work with Mike, reporting to Mike, and simply never speak to him about anything personal again.</p> <p>What would you do in this situation? Me, all I can think of is a good punch to the jaw, but Tiff isn&#39;t known for her skills left hook. Also, I&#39;m not sure I&#39;d even be in the same position, because I prefer to hold my cards close to my chest and discuss next to nothing with coworkers. So I&#39;m stuck between telling her that it&#39;s her fault for being so trusting, and helping her let the air out of the guy&#39;s tires.</p> <p>Any advice? </p> <a href="" class="sharethis-link" title="Is This Job Worth It?" rel="nofollow">ShareThis</a><br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">Written by <a href="">Troy Hadley</a> and published on <a href="">Wise Bread</a>. Read more <a href=""> articles from Wise Bread</a>.</div></div> Career Building Insurance benefits betrayal boss business contracting coworkers independence job NDA non-compete peers salary work Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:15:34 +0000 Troy Hadley 445 at