5yo and over-possessive friend

(3 Posts)
Passthesherry Sat 02-Feb-13 12:09:22

Thanks CeciC - yes I think you're right, I will be a bit more proactive with arranging playdates with other classmates.

In fact she's been invited to visit another girl quite soon, and I think it is one of those cases where they get on well, but the other girl and dd don't get a chance to play with each other in school because of the 'best friend'. Dd actually said to me "I play with [other girl] sometimes, when [best friend] isn't in school - because when [best friend] is there, she won't let me play with her." sad

Got a feeling that a couple of friendship situations may be brewing, and dd is in the middle.

I asked her if she'd like me to speak to her teacher, and she said yes, so will try and have a word on Monday.

On the whole I think dd is OK with being led by her friend - she enjoys school, they exchange hairclips and various assorted bits and pieces, draw pictures of each other - so there is genuine friendship there, but the possessive element concerns me. (Still, I remember how intense friendships can be as a child!)

I just wish I could help dd be a bit more assertive/confident about expressing her own needs.

Does anyone know of any helpful websites that help younger children be more assertive in school?

CeciC Sat 02-Feb-13 10:25:26

Hello there.
What I would do, is try to arrange playdates with other girls in the class.
My DD2 had a friendship like this in Rec. but she never complained until the girl relocated and then all the other girls in her class said that " good, now we'll be allowed to play with DD2" .
I think if you arrange playdated with other girls it might tell her, the overposseive friend, that your daughter is allowed to play with other girls.
As well, I'll speak to the teacher about it. She might have other advice on how to deal with it.

Passthesherry Fri 01-Feb-13 23:42:32


Tonight at bedtime, my Y1 5yo dd told me that she didn't have a very good day at school - basically her 'best friend' wouldn't let her sit or play with anyone else much.

This has been an on and off issue, since Reception, and I have up til now, let her get on with it, but am wondering if I should intervene by having a word with the teacher.

Basically this friend has a strong personality, and doesn't take no for an answer easily - in fact I think the friendship was mostly pursued by her initially, until dd, who is quite laid back and not as assertive, relented! At one stage she (the best friend) was phoning me quite a lot, to speak to dd and try to arrange playdates, to the point I started to feel hounded! Her parents have also mentioned that dd is all she talks about, and doesn't seem that interested in playing with many others. Whereas dd I think, is, but is prevented from doing so.

On a certain level they do get on well, and dd talks about her friend often. She likes her, but the problem arises when dd wants a bit of space and/or to socialise with other classmates, sometimes. From what I gather her 'best friend' then uses a combination of physical restraint (blocking her way/pulling her back), and emotional blackmail to stop her.

Dd is feeling smothered and I feel needs a bit of help, but I'm not sure of the best way to go about it.

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