Australian Broadcasting Corporation


LOCATION: http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2002/s752628.htm

Broadcast: 20/12/2002

Clark and Dawe


MAXINE McKEW: And fortunately for all Clark/Dawe fans, our satirical treasures have not snuck off to do their Christmas shopping, but have valiantly stayed at their posts -- this week they tell us how the re-mapping of this fair southern land is proceeding.

INTERVIEWER (BRYAN DAWE): Mr Ruddock, thanks for your time.

PHILIP RUDDOCK (JOHN CLARK): Good evening. It's very nice to be on the program.

INTERVIEWER: This business of Australia excising itself --

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Excising parts of itself and only temporarily.

INTERVIEWER: Oh, it's going to unexcise itself, is it?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Oh yes, it's only temporary. We're going to reconquer those areas in the fullness of time.

INTERVIEWER: Mr Ruddock, why was it done in secret?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: It wasn't done in secret. Who told you that?

INTERVIEWER: Come on, it wasn't done in the Parliament, was it?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: I'm not telling you where it was done.

INTERVIEWER: Well, who was there?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: We were both there.

INTERVIEWER: Who are both of you?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Not telling.


PHILIP RUDDOCK: Look, this is not a fruitful line of discussion. Ask me the questions about the nub of the matter. That's where to go.

INTERVIEWER: If you're not going to tell me, it's obviously a secret.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: It's not a secret. I've told you -- we were both there.

INTERVIEWER: Why have we done it? Why are we cutting off bits of our own country? I mean, these islands off the coast of Australia are part of Australia.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: I'll tell you why we've done it -- we have done it in order to prevent asylum seekers from landing on Australian soil and claiming, by virtue of having done so, the benefits available to them under Australian law. That's why we've done it.

INTERVIEWER: So we don't want that?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: We don't want that. That's happened before and it was an absolute catastrophe.

INTERVIEWER: When was that?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: 200 years ago. Don't you know your history?

INTERVIEWER: Oh, that's right. Hang on -- you were the Minister for Aboriginal Affairs.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: I am. I mean, it was a disaster. When the white people arrived. If we don't learn from history, we're bound to repeat its lessons.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, sure.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: The Aboriginal community lived in Australia and a whole lot of boat people arrived.

INTERVIEWER: And did the Aboriginal people excise part of their country?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Slightly different instance. In that case the country was owned by the people who were arriving in the boats -- a little bit different.

INTERVIEWER: And they excised the Aborigines.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: More or less.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, boot was on the other foot.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: That's not an expression I would have used.

INTERVIEWER: Boot was on the other foot?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: I repeat -- it was a very different situation.

INTERVIEWER: Mr Ruddock, so if we see these refugees, boat people, whatever, coming towards Australia, heading to one of these little places, we just decide that that place is no longer part of Australia. That's the way it goes?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Yeah. Clever, isn't it?

INTERVIEWER: How do you do it?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Procedurally?


PHILIP RUDDOCK: Well, if I'm made aware that there are people making their way to Australia --


PHILIP RUDDOCK: Oh, yeah, not in a plane, I mean, rich people -- they're fine --

INTERVIEWER: They're coming towards us in a boat. What do you do?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Well, if I hear if there are people coming towards us in a boat, I'll duck down the corridor to the Minister for Semantics.

INTERVIEWER: Minister for Semantics?


INTERVIEWER: Who's the Minister for Semantics?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: As it happens, I am.

INTERVIEWER: Why don't you excise the big main island? I mean, it's a bigger target, isn't it?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: And force the boat people to aim towards one of the little outlying bits?


PHILIP RUDDOCK: Because the people running this country are in the big bit. Let's be clear about this -- the people who are very, very important in this country are in the big island, aren't they?

INTERVIEWER: And who are they?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Not telling, son.

INTERVIEWER: Mr Ruddock, thanks for your time.

PHILIP RUDDOCK: Thank you. Can you get a shot of me badge?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, sure. Is that the regular-sized Amnesty badge?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: You can get them smaller, but I don't think they're much use. Very, very good Amnesty, aren't they?

INTERVIEWER: What do they actually do?

PHILIP RUDDOCK: They sell badges.