Intel Ultrabook

Over the years, Intel has come up with a few marketing ideas that it throws on the wall to see if they stick. At one trade show or another, it'll line up a slew of the devices for reporters to ogle. The company then claims success and off we go.

These initiatives all stem from the ludicrous success of the Itanium chip announcement whereby Intel lined up all the breathing CEOs and made them and their respective companies "strategic partners." With the title of strategic partner came, among other press releases, a partner press release and a contributed sound bite in which the CEO could get cheap publicity for telling the world how this is the greatest thing ever.

Note that I said "success of the Itanium chip announcement." It went south shortly thereafter.

Enter the Ultrabook, using the exact same playbook, all sorts of weird partners, and a $300 million marketing treasure chest. I assume that the Ultrabooks will be everywhere at the CES show. Everyone will chat it up over the next six months or until the money runs out.

But the success or failure of the devices will be determined by public acceptance, not by public relations.

I've always thought Intel felt flat-footed during the sudden emergence of the now dying off netbook concept. So this time, the company is leading the charge. You can go to the Intel website to see what exactly the company thinks is so cool about Ultrabooks.

There you can read stuff like this: "...Ultrabook™ is a new category of ultra responsive, ultra sleek, and ultra stylish devices that are less than an inch thick and wake up in a flash. They're an optimal blend of the performance and smart capabilities you expect—and the portability and style you want."

Personally, I am annoyed that I never thought of the Ultrabook trademark. Marketers should note that this blather contains no real benefits but simply lists features. Just because something is stylish (if it is, indeed, stylish), it does not mean I want one.

Be that as it may, what is an Ultrabook, really? It's a thin notebook of the type that myself and others have been promoting since the original NEC Ultralight. Intel is pushing it as a combination of a Macbook Air and iPad. At least, that is the impression I get from this idiotic "Tech Chef" video segment that the company provides for the baffled masses.

I'm not absolutely sure what the point of this commercial is, but it's about a guy called the "Tech Chef" who doles out advice from a taco truck. More than vaguely reminiscent of the effeminate "Ross the Intern" character from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, he explains the brilliance of Ultrabook concept because of two amazing features: fast resume and sync. WOW!

What they are smoking over at Intel? Whatever it is, it's apparently strong enough to cloud the judgment of the executives. It must be from Mendocino. Why does Intel even want to associate a taco truck with the company?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love a thin, powerful notebook of any sort, no matter the name, but don't tell me that the idea is anything new. It's a new name for a thin laptop that uses newer chips. Great. This is no breakthrough; it's evolution and not a big deal.

The unmentioned problem is that these things are costly. Price it out at $499 and I'll be impressed. Otherwise, all I'm seeing are more laptops.

You can Follow John C. Dvorak on Twitter @therealdvorak.

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