Toddlers in Tiaras


By Dan Nelken
By the end of the day, many of the younger girls are asleep on their parents' shoulders as they await the results.

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When Mia finishes, the 38-year-old Marina, who's wearing orange drawstring sweatpants and a black T-shirt, grabs the arm of her husband, Ray, a strapping man who works in the maintenance department of a demolition company near Lake Jackson, TX, a town south of Houston. In 2004, looking for a wife, Ray used the Internet to contact Marina, a pretty blond Russian who lived a thousand miles north of Moscow. He flew to meet her, proposed to her in Moscow's Red Square at the end of his two-week visit, and, seven months later, brought her to Texas, where they married. In December 2006, Marina gave birth to Mia, "but she felt so isolated and alone, barely knowing any English, that I thought she might move back to Russia," recalls the 53-year-old Ray. "I saw a newspaper ad for a children's beauty pageant at a local mall, and I signed us up, thinking, Maybe this will give Marina something to do."

Marina, who had never before been to a beauty pageant — she was a cross-country skier in Russia — put Mia in a new dress, stood onstage, and held her before the judges, who started smiling. "I said to my husband, ‘Let's do this again,' " recalls Marina in a thick Russian accent. "We did it again, and we almost won. I was very excited. I thought, So this is America!"

Now Mia is one of the up-and-comers on the high-glitz circuit. She practices every day on a little plywood stage her father built for her in the backyard and often sits with her mother in front of a computer, studying videos of Eden and other high-glitz stars. At the Universal Royalty pageant, there's buzz around the ballroom that Mia has a shot at beating Eden. And she is genuinely charming when she later comes back for her talent act, pretending to be a Russian doll who escapes from her dollhouse to dance to Russian music.

But then Eden hits the stage, and she's so preternaturally poised doing her beauty walk, the entire room goes silent. For her talent presentation, she performs "Underpuppy," an original song written to strike back at her critics. There's even a reference to Sharon Osbourne, who had implied to Mickie Wood that the pageant mom was a bad parent:

They said I would never be anything
but pageant queen.

They said no matter how good,
You won't get to Hollywood.
Jealousy, hypocrisy,
Why you gotta be so mean?…
Root for me, cheer for me.
'Cause I'm the underpuppy…
You sneered when I sang "Cutie"
Why you got to be so snooty?
Not everyone is Ozzy's groupie…
Your judgment makes me stronger.
Listen — that's my career,
getting longer.


Although her untrained voice is a little screechy, with a barnyard twang, Eden sings with such enthusiasm while dancing all over the
stage that the crowd gives her a standing ovation. "Get it, girl!" shouts Mickie, who has planted herself right
behind the judges. "Smile, girl!"

By the end of the day, many of the younger girls are asleep on their parents' shoulders as they await the results. Some have to be roused to go up and claim their trophies. And everyone does get a trophy from Hill, who graciously refers to each loser as "one of our finalists" or "a future winner."

Finally, it's time to announce the Ultimate Grand Supreme Winner. The girls who got the highest scores from the judges, including Eden and Mia, are called to the stage. Almost shaking with nervousness, Marina puts her hands to her mouth.

Hill reads the judges' final tally and announces that Mia scored highest in her age group, 0 to 5, and is a runner-up. Tears spring from Marina's eyes as Mia gets a sash, a crown, a trophy, and a teddy bear. Then comes a surprise: Eden scored highest in her age group, 6 and up, and is also a runner-up. The winner is Alex Howe, an 11-year-old girl from Louisiana. Despite the diversity of kids in the room, all three finalists are blond and blue-eyed.

Eden tearfully runs out of the ballroom. "I wanted to win the pink princess bed and sleep in it tonight," she blurts out to Mickie. But in the hotel room, her tears are soon gone. Mickie later tells her that the bed manufacturer wants to create a special Eden Wood Edition of the Princess Canopy Bed that will have Eden's picture on the pillows and her signature on the footboard. "And Eden, honey, they'll give you a bed for free," Mickie says.

"Yay!" Eden shouts, and soon she's in her bathing suit, headed to the hotel pool to swim with the other girls.

After Marina, Ray, and Mia pack up for the ride back to Lake Jackson, Mia climbs into the backseat, next to her trophy. Someone asks her what she's going to do when she gets home.

"Go outside and practice on my stage for my next pageant," she says.
"That's my girl," says Marina with a laugh. "That's my beautiful girl."

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