Angela and Melina are facing the chopping block.

Angela and Melina are facing the chopping block.

Get ready because tonight is the sudden death cook off between the Tasmanian non-lovers and the really dramatic housewives from Victoria.

It's time to ride a three-course rollercoaster with our voiceover friend. There are going to be spectacular highs and lows. But when the ride ends, one team will be going home or suddenly die, as the sudden death round would suggest.

Melina and Angela's entree is served and Colin starts playing with it like the naughty toddler we picked him for. He might have been taught how to cook, but a little lesson in table manners wouldn't go astray. 

Melina and Angela think they are actually going to ride a rollercoaster and start screaming for effect. Again we get a preview of the tears and sword fights that will soon ensue.

Childish behaviour ... Judge Colin Fassnidge on <i>My Kitchen Rules</i>

Childish behaviour ... Judge Colin Fassnidge on My Kitchen Rules

Oh no wait! The sword sounds are just voiceover man testing out the knives on the set while he records his "frightening" monologue.

It's time to welcome the contestants up for elimination. Samuel informs us that he is "ready to make some really good food". We wonder why he has waited until so far into the series to realise on MKR you are judged on your food and not your sense of humour (he is failing on both counts).

Angela and Melina are shot in slow motion walking across the MKR set for dramatic effect. They were "born fighters", apparently, and fancy themselves as the next featherweight champions - because feathers would look good with Angela's canary yellow top.

Have you seen my banana? ... Angela and Melina on <i>My Kitchen Rules</i>

Have you seen my banana? ... Angela and Melina on My Kitchen Rules

Pete enters looking highly activated by his almonds and is ready to wow the contestants with just how far he can open his eyes while speaking.

He kindly reminds team Tas and team Vic that they "are where they don't want to be". We couldn't agree more.

What could be more uncomfortable than trying to keep a straight face when he makes his awkward remarks accompanied by his non-existent sense of humour?

Oh right! He was talking about the elimination challenge..oops.

Enter scary music that suggests doomsday has arrived.

In a way it has arrived for one team because they won't get eliminated. Remaining on the MKR set means there will be more footage to look back on of them destroying perfectly good ingredients. The quicker you exit the show, the less there is to cringe about in front of your grandkids!

Ali is armed with "positive energy" because she thinks if the Tasmanians stay on the show long enough, Samuel might build up the courage to ask her out. Clearly she has spent too much time on the "mainland" and is becoming delusional.

Profound Pete announces "it's time to serve your best three-course meal on a plate"... as opposed to a bowl or platter? Thanks for the clarification, Pete.

Meanwhile Manu thinks that a bowl would be a better idea because it would hold more sauce than a plate.

Melina reveals the only reason she came on the show was to get a kiss from Pete and Manu so she isn't ready to go home yet. What she doesn't realise is the way to Manu's heart is through sauce and the way to Pete's is through a plate ... made with love.

Ashlee and Sophia are glad that the Real Housewives might die a sudden death, because they "spread bad vibes" on the set. They also present as hot competition for racking up the highest tally of tacky terms of endearment.

In order to impress Pete, Samuel declares he will put his heart on the plate, but for the benefit of Manu, he clarifies that the heart on the plate won't actually be his ... it will be Ali's, served scrambled, after it breaks from the lack of "filial" love he shows her.

The clock has been set and they have an hour and 30 minutes to complete the first round of the sudden death challenge.

The "real" housewives have a pre-cooking bonding session, which consists of hand holding whilst dreaming of their Italian heritage. They don't want to disappoint their parents in this round, given that their nonnas already disowned them after their first instant restaurant flop.

Over on the other side of the kitchen, Ali isn't impressed with Samuel's jokes. She says he needs to get new ones. He tried to find some at Coles, to no avail.

So what's cooking tonight other than melo(n)drama and corny jokes?

For Tasmania we have an entree of "polenta with flathead and red capsicum salsa" (the polenta is going to come back to haunt them like it has never haunted anyone before).

For main course it's "masterstock lamb with brussels sprouts and steamed buns". Our translation of this is lamb cooked in Masterfoods stock and brussels that only two per cent of the population would actually ever eat.

Dessert is "pistachio and almond tart with orange ice cream". Samuel has assigned himself as head chef and Ali as sous chef. Samuel doesn't know what that means, but thinks it sounds funnier than his jokes.

The housewives are going with an Italian inspired meal (surprise, surprise!) which includes an entree of "barramundi with salsa verde and asparagus".

Main is homemade cicatelli with Italian ragu (unlike Samuel's store-bought stock and curry paste).

At first we can't work out if "cicatelli" is a new pet name for the drama queens, as an alternative to "chicky", or if it is actually food. Either way, it's Italian, so it sounds good.

Dessert is a lemon custard with biscotti and amaretto granita. They could have gone so much further with the Italian here and made it a limoncello custardo. Manu won't understand either way.

Ali thinks polenta is underutilised because people don't realise what to do with it. We thought you ate it, but Samuel has better ideas ... he murders it.

Angela is in charge of team Vic's dessert because the lemon custard will match her outfit. Melina is on meat duty and is going to cook it like "nonna Rosa showed her". (Nonna Rosa is a fictional character due to previous disownment from actual nonna).

Enter the polenta, and team Tas begins to regret the grainy character was ever invited to their dinner party.

Ali thinks the polenta is grainy, but Samuel thinks it is just fine and reassures her with nothing other than a loving look. Ali is satisfied ... momentarily ... until the polenta comes between them.

She can't get the polenta off her mind. Samuel's affections are now directed towards the polenta and Ali is unable to function properly knowing that she has competition.

As the housewives take us through their menu, every Italian word has to be spoken in an exaggerated accent to prove to their nonnas that even though they might not be able to cook their recipes, they can speak the language ... kind of. I guess someone has to make up for Stefano's absence.

The buffed personal trainers from Bondi admire the housewives' military precision in the kitchen and realise they are the perfect candidates for 'housewife bootcamp' - the new business venture they will start post-MKR.

Precision turns to chaos when Melina starts "going bananas" because the granita filled lamington (not said with Italian accent) tray isn't fitting in the freezer.

Back over to the other side and the polenta debate is driving Samuel nuts. He thinks it looks really good, but Ali can't see the attraction.

Angela is feeling cornered as she stirs the custard pot. She thinks it limits the different angles the camera can capture her by.

Melina is "losing [her] banana"!?? We think she might have confused her marbles with her bananas; anyone else either loses their marbles or goes bananas. Melina clearly mixes her metaphors better than she does her culinary creations.

A burning smell is not a good thing during sudden death, but we aren't sure if it is coming from the pot of ragu or if Pete and Manu have lit the stake for the losers to be burnt at.

Chaos is causing Team Vic members to turn on each other. Melina thinks that Angela has sabotaged her meat cooking and turned up the heat when she wasn't looking.

Perhaps Ashlee and Sophia crept into the kitchen during an ad break? Even if they didn't, everything that goes wrong should be blamed on the BFFs.

It's the battle of the fish as the entree's go head to head. The housewives are cooking barramundi and may have an advantage because the Tasmanians have flatheads. Ali still thinks she has a good catch.

The cheering starts from the other contestants. Smiley Sam cheers for his Tasmanian namesake and Samuel can't concentrate.

Hearing his name throws him because he is only used to hearing "honey" and "darling" while he cooks. Is he beginning to wonder if Smiley Sam could be his pappa?

When it comes to plating their entree, it's a tough choice between slop versus grainy for the polenta. The word "polenta" has now been used more times in this episode than Manu has said "sauce" in the whole series to date.

There are eight minutes left on the clock and the pressure in the kitchen is greater than the pressure in the pressure cooker that might or might not have burnt the ragu.

The pressure is high, but the temperature is too low on the housewives' oven and the barramundi looks like it will be undercooked. Melina begins to roar like a lion about the fish being raw.

Angela is ready to batter Melina and sudden death may occur a lot sooner than predicted.

Meanwhile one batch of polenta is still grainy and the other one is still sloppy.

The entrees are out and there is a whole host of celebrity judges to impress, including Colin Fassnidge, Guy Grossi, Karen Martini and Liz Egan, as well as Pete and Manu.

Guy Grossi thinks the polenta is gross(i) and should have been fried.

Colin Fassnidge starts shaking as he eats like a naughty toddler refusing to eat a meal. He "dislikes the dish on so many levels, it is not funny". His shaking movement was funny though - we laughed at him, not with him. Pete can't feel the love in the dish.


The salsa verde is the hit, but the rest of the dish is again gross(i).

The race is back on for main course and another hour appears on the clock.

The housewives' meat didn't burn, so we know for sure now it was the stake being lit by Manu and Pete. Or was scary voiceover man out the back attempting to cook for the next series of MasterChef because he is over being narrator?

As Manu explains the rolling process involved in making cicatelli pasta, he gets as excited as Dan the Hervey Bay meat man gets about sausages.

Pete explains what a masterstock is and Samuel realises that he can't rely on Masterfood to make the stock for him.

He starts pouring in any bottle he can find in the kitchen and seasons the liquid with any spice that is within his reach.

The steam buns are more like buns of steel ... or rock, because they haven't steamed and are hard and inedible. Even the polenta was more impressive than the buns, which don't end up making the plate.

The judges are back.

Guy Grossi's "heart is lifted" by the homemade pasta. Pete starts murmuring about sauce and has clearly stolen Manu's lines off the auto cue.

The judges are horrified by Tassie's offering of brussels sprouts. Colin thinks it is "a waste of [his] time to eat it" ... because he never ate his greens as a kid, or usde a knife or fork it seems.

There is now 30 minutes on the clock for the teams to finish their desserts.

Jake says that to redeem themselves, Team Tas' dessert needs to "bedazzle", have "Las Vegas lights" and feature a dancing man who jumps out of the tart. Elle translates for him: "It needs to be great."

The judges are back, but Colin's table manners were left behind again as he uses his hands to pick up the pistachio and almond tart. He'd "prefer a finger size portion" of dessert ... so he can feel better about using his fingers to eat it.

Pete realises he has exceeded his calorie intake for the day and is horrified to learn that the almonds aren't activated. Nonna Rosa will be devastated that no one can taste the lemon in the custard or the amaretto in the granita.

Judgment time and the final scores are in:

Angela and Melina: 34/60

Ali and Samuel: 26/60

The tears are flowing as Ali and Samuel say their goodbyes. Even I consider crying because Samuel's jokes were far more tolerable than Melina's tantrums.

But alas, the show must go on. The MKR journey continues as the remaining teams take to Flemington Race Track for Melbourne Cup Day.

Twitter: @FaithAird