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Tyler Durden's picture


In what has to be the most surreal "news" of the past 24 hours, we learned that Spain, caught in the vice of an unprecedented historic depression, endless "recovery" propaganda notwithstanding, and Turkey, the country whose currency crashed to record lows against the dollar a few short days ago and whose government has been defending itself from a tsunami of corruption allegations and busy firing all the judges who dare to voice disagreement with PM Erdogan, have decided to jointly build ... wait for it ... an aircraft carrier.


Erdogan added  that Spain’s Navantia and Turkey’s Sedef companies reached agreement on the project.

The PM also said that the ship will be built at Istanbul’s Tuzla dockyard, and will be a "strategic" asset for Turkey.

We can only assume that when it comes to epic, and epically idiotic, Keynesian boondoggles, Spain and Turkey have decided to take the torch from the US where two years ago we suggested that in order to "boost growth" the US should build an $852 quadrillion death star, an idea which subsequently got all the way to the petition stage and received a formal response from the US government.

However, before the whole demented project comes crashing and burning, we will read many articles about the thousands of jobs created and needed to build the carrier: something.

The only thing that was not clear is what the proposed name of the ship is. We propose: Distraction I.


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Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:30 | 4428431 glaucon was right
glaucon was right's picture

Housing bubble, debt bubble...

Aircraft buliding bubble?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:33 | 4428447 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

"As Lord is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly!"

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:38 | 4428466 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



+1  The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement - L. Nessman

Link below:

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:40 | 4428506 max2205
max2205's picture

If you can get these low labor cost to actually do good work look out Eads Ba and GD

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:49 | 4428553 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Build Cost: 100 Million, + Bribes: 400 Million

Eqauls: Total Cost: $750 Million...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:54 | 4428565 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Won't it be cheaper to build it in China????

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:56 | 4428588 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

It's a floating hotel for the rich, with it's own "security system" and airport.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:18 | 4428714 Doña K
Doña K's picture

They gonna need to build planes to put in them. More jobs coming.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:42 | 4428802 zaphod
zaphod's picture

My baby's bathtub tugboat looks more high-tech than that "aircraft carrier".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:07 | 4428652 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

China has the Death Star.  Or maybe it's us. Forgot who's shovel ready shit goes with what.


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:45 | 4428815 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Turkey? Did someone say Turkey? Yum. I'm hungry.

Is this the same Turkey that helps the Fruadulent UNITED STATES, CORP. INC help fund, train, & arm the same AL-CIA-duh terrorists via NATO, Sudia Aribia & Isreal the exact same terror organizations they claim to protect us from?

That Turkey?

Yes boys & girls there're all "in on it."

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:40 | 4428509 Wolferl
Wolferl's picture

Strategic assets? Aircraft carriers are worthless these days, even the US navy needs a fleet around there´s to protect them, and still doesn´t manage it. A single torpedo from an super silent U 212a and it´s "hasta la vista, carrier".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:47 | 4428537 X_mloclaM
X_mloclaM's picture

What a blessing for Earth. What an accomplishment. What a momentous achievement for the men and women involved.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:11 | 4428682 Indian_Goldsmith
Indian_Goldsmith's picture

War is a stimulator of Animal Spirits led Enonomic Growth

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:48 | 4428541 agent default
agent default's picture

They are worse than worthless.  A modern anti ship missile has a good chance of sinking a carrier with a single hit. They are  a liability at every level.  Unless you only plan to take on enemies at the technological level of Iraq or Afghanistan, and hope nobody else gets involved.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:04 | 4428632 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

They have value as a forward air base that diplomats don't have to haggle over.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:30 | 4430218 thestarl
thestarl's picture

The Sunburn ASM at mach 4

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 06:48 | 4431600 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

yeah. the only problem is that the submarine must come at the right distance... you know.... radars...... sonars.......

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:37 | 4428482 nickels
nickels's picture

And the US can sell them the planes. This is great! The Egyptians used to build pyramids to keep people busy--

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:44 | 4428513 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

We got iPads to keep people busy. Egyptians built the great pyramid to harness the resulting energy from massive electrochemical reactions. There used to be a gold tip on the pyramid, y'know. ;)

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:14 | 4428700 detached.amusement
detached.amusement's picture

and the rest covered in marble (any guess where that ended up *cough*vatican,etc*cough*)

+1 for nearly dead knowledge!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:48 | 4428837 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

The great Pyramid of the highly Centrialized & Compartmentalized Ponzi Sceme will soon collapse.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:50 | 4428838 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:43 | 4428525 scrappy
scrappy's picture

Forget the distractions, listen to this with an open mind.

This is about US.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:31 | 4428435 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

When the people finally figure out that they must disposess those that would take them to war....

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:39 | 4428502 duo
duo's picture

gotta defend yourself against the Moors, you know.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:48 | 4428539 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Ah, you are aware then of The Crusade for Moorish Dignity?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:34 | 4428785 duo
duo's picture

did that originate in Kenya?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:31 | 4428437 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Debt is a measure of success. Case in point: 'Murica.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:31 | 4428438 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Gotta put the survivors on somethin' when they start the hot war

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:40 | 4428458 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

They are good for transporting large volumes of gold in one shot and if they get sunk the plebs can't come take the gold afterwards from the wreckage. Everyone is going to have the guns pointed at the usual suspect's aircraft carriers when things go south and it is time to move reserves around to settle debts. How do you move your gold without anyone knowing to pay off a debt? Use someone else's floating fortress...

The armed guards aka real owners of the gold or global police escort are underneath the surface where no one can see....

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:33 | 4428449 unrulian
unrulian's picture

As a kid I combined my baseball card collection with my best friends collection, he kept them for safe keeping at his house. I never saw them again.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:01 | 4428611 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

The OLDER you are, the MORE you wish you had kept those cards.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:24 | 4428732 unrulian
unrulian's picture

@BB; they were all 80s so not a huge loss...but a valuable lesson was gained

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:16 | 4429631 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

unrulian, is your best friend a banker now, or a politican?

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 10:48 | 4432048 unrulian
unrulian's picture

HAHAAHA damn, how could i have missed that? He works for Wells Fargo and is sliding up the ladder pretty fast

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:34 | 4428454 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

It makes perfect sense.  Build the aircraft carrier (and emply people to do it), declare war on the US, surrender, and get a MASSIVE bailout from the US.  Brilliant.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:34 | 4428472 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Read "The MOuse That Roared".

It was a Q Bomb.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:37 | 4428488 John Law Lives
John Law Lives's picture

Good call.  I know the tale, and that is precisely where I got the idea.



Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:00 | 4429537 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture there's a movie that fits as well today as when it was made....and I am guessing, 35+ years ago??

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:34 | 4428455 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



The carrier is designed to sail under the bridge to nowhere.

Maybe the deal is that Turkey is going to build the ship, and Spain is going to build a giant crane to fish it off the floor of the Mediterranean.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:08 | 4428927 Matt
Matt's picture

Problem: warships are too expensive for broke countries to afford.

Solution: Timeshares!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | 4428456 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


The USS Keynes is on route

With missiles and planes prepped to shoot

We'll make you feel great

With the debt we create

While the wealth of your nation we loot

The Limerick King

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:09 | 4429219 29.5 hours
29.5 hours's picture



Great carrier work of subversive art.

Turkey needs that carrier -- in case of a disagreement with Angola probably. Angola has a carrier so Turkey needs one just in case.


Thu, 02/13/2014 - 06:59 | 4431604 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

that's funny!


i m opening bets on how much time they will need to sink it themselves

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:24 | 4429316 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

And it never runs out of fuel, it just sucks its way forward.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:17 | 4430570 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Luv them Phalanxes on the roof!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:33 | 4428462 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Yeah that's just what the both of them at the moment need in this imploded economy of their own creation.

A "joint-aircraft carrier" they can share when they want to invade someone! Hey Turkey we just bombed Libya can we use it for our freedom and democracy endeavors in Syria -it's our turn?

Bet the the U.S. offers a down payment and a shipyard in Norfolk to help build it with all the other jobs this Country doesn't have anymore.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | 4428465 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Nationalism grows. You ain't got shit to eat, but that sure is a purdy aircraft carrier you gots thar.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 17:01 | 4429557 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

...taking a page from North Korea's playbook....this is what happens when dumb psycopaths get in power.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:33 | 4428468 madbraz
madbraz's picture

The SS Stupid

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:38 | 4428492 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I think they should call it EL Spurkey.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | 4428469 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

I think that we should build a huge bomb that can destroy the planet.

Then we can hold it in front of us like Brick during the newsman rumble scene from Anchorman.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:36 | 4428476 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

I can see it now; trained turkeys holding hand gremades in their claws, flying off the deck of a wooden sailing ship. It'll be terrifying.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:35 | 4428480 replaceme
replaceme's picture

it's an escape pod.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:38 | 4428484 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Huh,  an aircraft carrier time-share.  

This has real potential.  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:38 | 4428496 Cast Iron Skillet
Cast Iron Skillet's picture

yeah! I mean, what the h*ll are they gonna do - take turns driving it around?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:06 | 4429859 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

no, Turkey builds and pays the ship and Spain provides (for a fee of course) the shipbuilding technology. The other hardware (radars, guns and so on will be imported elsewhere mostly from the US).

Besides, it is not an "aircraft carrier", it is more like an amphibious ship with a deck for aircraft.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:37 | 4428490 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Wow ! More National Onion news. Crazy seems too mild a category for that idea. They really are nuts, aren't they; these "leaders".

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:37 | 4428491 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Maybe they are building it to sell for export cash.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:40 | 4428512 walküre
walküre's picture

Always the optimist.... pass the Skittles

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:42 | 4428518 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Yeah,  maybe this actually a new Chinese try-n-buy program.

They'll get a few countries to build aircraft carriers,   test drive them, and buy the one they like best.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:39 | 4428501 MSimon
MSimon's picture

Who will be the Captain?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:43 | 4428515 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Jack Sparrow.

I sure as hell ain't taking the commission.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:43 | 4428526 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Remember that cruise ship captain that ran his ship onto a reef, a dozen people died, and he jumped on one of the first lifeboats to shore full of women and children?  yea, him. 

Thu, 02/13/2014 - 07:01 | 4431605 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

luckily for the crew the bastard you're speaking of is italian. and soon to be incarcerated ;)

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:42 | 4428503 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

El Grande Despilfarro 1

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:42 | 4428511 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

a three hour tour......

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:43 | 4428516 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

Great plan.  Build a ship that can be taken out in minutes by a ship to ship missile, or in Turkey and Spain's case, a RPG with no ordnance, or possibly just an Estes rocket.  Don't mind the starving people that these governments created.  They surely support building this ridiculous weapon system.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:10 | 4428931 The Boognish
The Boognish's picture

Thanks for the mental image of an Estes rocket striking the side of the ship and causing it to sink. Laughed out loud at that. I picture them firing a bunch of anti-Estes rockets at the incoming rocket and not succeding.


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 20:33 | 4430432 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Ahh, Estes rockets. I always wanted the SATURN V BITCHES!

Sadly, I had to buy kids instead.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:44 | 4428535 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Beats breaking windows, I suppose.  Although a carrier has lots of windows.  ;-)

Seriously though... So, this puppy is to be paid in what... Gold or more fiat debt, to keep up the demand for Euros and EU MIC contracts?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:49 | 4428544 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

Is going to be the same success as that Joint Strike Feighter, they both do not fly.



Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:51 | 4428551 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

How do you decide who drives? Total anarchy.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:52 | 4428568 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

Hope the two never go to war against each other. If else they have to fight who gets to use that thing.....o..


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 13:59 | 4428599 Duc888
Duc888's picture

....makes perfect sense to me.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:03 | 4428640 kralizec
kralizec's picture

So the Spanish are letting the Muslims back in eh?  Wouldn't Charles the Hammer etc be amused!  LOL!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:07 | 4428663 bagehot99
bagehot99's picture

I think they're planning to invade Malta.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:21 | 4430586 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Cypriots!  To the ramparts, ho!

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:11 | 4428681 stock trout
stock trout's picture

This is about southern Europe debtors vs. northern Europe creditors (Germany). No different than the prelude to WW2 except the players have changed. You can expect Greece to join the South any time. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:25 | 4428748 Leaf of Tree
Leaf of Tree's picture

Greece is with Russia. East not South.

The Spaniards are desperate to get contracts for their multinationals, even though they are starting to be thrown out from Latin America ( Panama fiasco, Repsol nationalized in Argentina).


This is non-news.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:17 | 4428719 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

it's got to be for export...

I don't think Spain can afford to operate two carriers, obviously they can't share it, and if the Turkish navy takes possession the Russians will sink it as soon as it hits open water and quite possibly nuke Ankara for such insolence.

they should sell it to some land locked central African warlord, that would complete the supreme weirdness of this story.   

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:22 | 4430591 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Paging Mr. Mugabe, Mr. Robert Mugabe, please pick the red courtesy telephone...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:26 | 4428743 blueRidgeBoy
blueRidgeBoy's picture

is it too late for the Greeks to get in on this? 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:32 | 4428780 walküre
walküre's picture

the Greeks are funding the deal with a couple points mark-up on their latest cheap bailout package from Germany

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:30 | 4428765 Leaf of Tree
Leaf of Tree's picture

The Russians must be laughing themselves off all the way to be bank, since they have the best missiles systems.

The Russians aren't stupid and know that aircraft carriers are useless these days. That's why they don't invest in that shit anymore.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:29 | 4429346 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

Aircraft carriers = outdated technology

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:37 | 4428787 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

They should have bought the USS Forrestal and refurbed it.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 14:41 | 4428808 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

Is it just me and my failing eyes, or does that ship have a ramp on the end?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:00 | 4428878 InflammatoryResponse
InflammatoryResponse's picture

yes the ramps are used so you don't have to have catapaults. or at least get by with a lower grade catapault.


OTOH,  if you have a harrier, you don't need ramps or cats. :)


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:03 | 4428900 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Just up from a nice nap...

Let me check my calendar..

Nope, not April 1st..

(Thought I might have overslept.)


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:06 | 4428910 10mm
10mm's picture

The Turks do make decent guns as of late.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:17 | 4428943 One of We
One of We's picture

I feel like someone slipped me a dose a couple years ago who's effect seems to intensify as time goes on.....

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 21:26 | 4430595 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Crazy pills are one helluva drug...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:18 | 4428948 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Are they going to time share it?

Greece cannot be left behind and will need bailout money in order to build one of their own, jointly made with.....any bidders?

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:18 | 4428950 Mark_Noonan
Mark_Noonan's picture

Outside the financial boondoggle of it all, why on earth would either nation want to build an aircraft carrier?  In terms of naval power, what does either party hope to get out if it?  They can never build enough of them to match the Great Powers, anything they build would be easily sunk by lesser powers, if need be.  It just doesn't make any sense.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 15:19 | 4428959 vyeung
vyeung's picture

Makes sense to me. If Turkey is the settlement hub and Spain a major Iranian energy buyer together with the covert support of China/Russia, such a project is extremely important for the currency reset to come. In fact, as things are developing, I'm much more convienced that a controlled retirement of the USD is indeed been in the works for some time now. If you piece this into the grand picture, it makes alot of sense. Financing it would be no issue under the China/Russia umbrella. Looks like the Petroyuan / gold settlement is developing nicely.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:09 | 4429217 patb
patb's picture

if Turkey wants to stimulate their ship building industry, they should build some high speed Ferries or Catamarans to

move people across the black sea or some experimental Electrical/Solar ferries for crossing the bosporus.


Otherwise investing into 'productive' assets, wether thats transportation, high speed rail, better sewers/water treatment,

but what's Turkey need a carrier for?  

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:10 | 4429230 johny2
johny2's picture

distraction 3 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:14 | 4429245 Martel
Martel's picture

Spain is not the idiot here, their shipyard will be building the carrier. Jobs, money... just what Spain needs. Turkey, on the other hand, is on the verge of an economic collapse. It may make strategic sense for them, but absolutely no sense financially.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | 4429330 johny2
johny2's picture

In article it says it will be built in Istanbul. 

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:34 | 4429956 Martel
Martel's picture

Main construction would occur in Turkey, but Navantia expects about 878,000 man-hours of work between pre-fabrication, ancillary items like 4 LCM-1E landing craft and 2 smaller LCVPs; and imported technologies like the engines and propulsion system, and the integrated platform control system. The shipyards at Fene-Ferrol and San Fernando-Puerto Real would receive the lion’s share at about 800,000 man-hours, while Navantia Systems would receive about 50,000 man-hours, and the Fabrica de Motores engine factory about 28,000 man-hours.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:13 | 4429247 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

long aircraft carriers!!!!


Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:26 | 4429319 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

Battleships, all the rage in WWI, were becomming obsolete in WWII.

Aircraft carries, all the rage in WWII, will BE obsolete in WWIII.

There's just no way you can protect these monsters.  Smaller and autonomous is the wave of the future.  Fifty small ships carrying a few VTOL jets will be a lot more useful than a single carrier now that they have carrier killer missiles to sink these relics of the past.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:42 | 4429416 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Like breeding heavy horses for calvery charges.

Next defense project:

Bring back the chariot.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 16:59 | 4429529 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Hey, its the new trojan horse to recapture "Constantinople".

Don't give the game away. The west hopes that aircraft carrier enters Istanbul's harbour...

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:15 | 4429899 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

Someone needs to pill them aside and explain that carriers need a protective screening task force or battle group.

Of course, if this is all for show, what these PMs will get is a really big and incredibly ugly yacht.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:42 | 4429992 madtechnician
madtechnician's picture

The Turks could make the rudder and the steering wheel , the Spanish could probably manage a propeller , then all they need is the rest.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 18:43 | 4430003 Joenobody12
Joenobody12's picture

C'mon, people be reasonable. How else you expect them to move their aircrafts when they ran out of money to buy jet fuel.

Wed, 02/12/2014 - 19:35 | 4430234 Nassim
Nassim's picture

The British did the same - two aircraft carriers that need amazingly expensive American aircraft.
