America's Budget Is 99 Cents

The Way We Live Now: on a budget. Which is an improvement! During the recession we lived without any budget, spending only the pebbles we gathered in our imaginary, empty "store." No mas! Show me to the corporate bond aisle!

Budget shopping is the hottest trend to hit America since everybody was doing that thing with their hair a while back. Nowadays the only "style" you need to know about is budget shopping. Stores are scrambling to keep up with all the budget shoppers! Instead of being a crazy spendy shopper, or, more likely, a total non-shopping pauper, why not try budget shopping? Everyone's doing it! Stroll the aisles of your local 99 cent store—you never know when you'll find buried treasure, like illegal Mexican roach poison.

You won't find that in the "fancy" stores!

Budget shopping is the way to go. Corporate bonds are back at pre-recession default levels, so save up and buy them, one after another! Just imagine buying bonds from Saks or Bloomingdale's or K-Mart or some other expensive store you couldn't afford. That would show them, ironically!

In all likelihood, even budget shopping won't allow you to save enough to become a major investor in corporate debt. But keep that dream alive! In the meantime, rejoice in the fact that, hey, fuck Vietnam and their economic "renaissance." We have a renaissance here in America—called the military-industrial complex! Ever heard of it? Yea right!

There's an outside chance that you budget shoppers might actually be able to afford your monthly subway fare card. If you have $104.

You'll make it to the Wal-Mart midnight baby formula bread line yet!

[Pic: Flickr]