Holidays present opportunities to teach children etiquette

Published: Friday, November 16, 2012 at 11:37 a.m.
Last Modified: Friday, November 16, 2012 at 11:37 a.m.

Each year after Christmas Brandy Evans’ daughter Jasmine Wallace, 14, sits down and writes thank-you notes to everyone who gave her a gift.

Evans is raising her daughter to have a heart of gratitude and the manners to go along with it.

“Whether it’s Christmas or birthdays, whatever it is I want her to know that no one has to do anything for you and people do things and give you things out of the kindness of their heart,” she said. “I just believe you should always be on your best behavior. You never know who you’re around. You never know what opportunities exist and because you are the well-mannered child and you speak appropriately and behave appropriately, it gives you favor with people.”

The holidays offer plenty of opportunities for parents to teach their children etiquette and many opportunities to be embarrassed by their bad behavior.

Linda Biernacki of Shreveport believes one of the keys to good communication skills begins with being polite and that being kind to others can set the tone for a respectful interaction. Biernacki’s oldest daughter Emily, 15, attended a class on etiquette last summer.

“When you’re respectful and kind that resonates with the person you’re communicating with and communication is so important these days because we’re constantly texting and messaging,” Biernacki said. “Verbal communication is a dying art, unfortunately, with our younger generation and the importance of emphasizing this to our children is a must. I think we have to re-emphasize it as well by gently nudging and reminding and just hope that it all sinks in.”

From learning the proper way to act while holiday shopping to practicing table manners during Thanksgiving dinner, parents can use the holidays to nix the “naughty” and encourage the “nice.”

Holiday dinners

“Whether the holiday meal is a very formal, seated dinner, or a more casual buffet style, having great table manners is always a plus,” said Erica Thomas, certified etiquette instructor in Shreveport.

Children should always come to the table prepared with washed hands and gum discarded in the wastebasket.

Always encourage children to not bring any electronic devices or toys to the dinner table.

As soon as they sit down at the table they should place their napkin in their lap and not tuck it into their shirts or dresses. The only exception to this rule is children younger than 5.

If there is a separate table for children, they should sit there without making a fuss and be on their best behavior.

Children should always have proper posture sitting three to five inches from the table. Their legs should be straight and not crossed because the top leg may start swinging. Their back must stay straight while seated and their elbows should hug their sides while eating. Children should hold their utensils like they would a pencil and their elbows will naturally stay at their sides.

Children who are old enough to make their own plate sometimes have bigger eyes than they do bellies. Encourage children to not overload their plate, and tell them that if they want more, they can go back for seconds.

Children must never blow on food that is too hot, but they should wait a few minutes for it to cool down. If they eat food that is too hot, a quick drink of water will cool their mouth down. By no means should they spit their food out.

A good rule of thumb for dining is to start with the utensils farthest from the plate and work inward.

Children ought to think of the salt and pepper shakers as items that are always passed together.

Children should always be polite by saying the magic words, which are “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” They should also practice being polite when asking for things at the dinner table. An example of this would be, “Would you please pass the gravy tray?” Parents can practice with children at home saying these words and they will become automatic during holiday seasons.


Younger children should always hold their parents hands.

Children ought to always greet everyone with a smile.

Going shopping and seeing all of the toys can be overwhelming for the children so parents should always teach their kids to walk and not run, and never go too far where parents cannot see them.

Shopping is also a great opportunity for children to practice their magic words, such as “please” and “thank you.”

Parents should teach children to speak in an inside voice and not to scream. If the parent has to correct bad behavior out in public, it should be done with a calm voice. Parents must remember that children model their behavior after their parents, so if they see their parents yelling they will think that is appropriate behavior and may end up doing it in public.

One basic rule for etiquette that children and their parents should practice at all times is the Golden Rule, which is to do to others as you would have them do to you.

Gift giving and receiving

“It is said that it is better to give than to receive but some children have a hard time with this thought process,” Thomas said. “A way to teach children the importance of giving is to allow them to participate in the gift-giving process.”

As a way of allowing children to feel more involved in the gift-giving process they can assist with picking out the gifts and even help wrap them.

A good idea when children are exchanging gifts is to put a price limit on the gift. Another idea is they can pull names and buy a gift for the person whose name they pulled.

Children should always be gracious even if they do not like the gifts they receive. One way to impart the importance of being gracious is to encourage them to say something positive about every gift received. Children model behavior after their parents so if they see their parents being kind and thankful while receiving gifts, chances are they will as well.

Thank-you notes should always be written after receiving gifts. Never wait too long or the person receiving the card may have forgotten what they gave. You also do not want to start the thank-you note with an apology for being so late. If the children are old enough to write, the thank-you notes should always be written by them.

Another way to make gift-giving between children fun and cost-effective is if they make the gifts they are giving out instead of buying them. It could be a handmade card or a painting they made.

Holiday parties

At parties, parents should teach children how to hold food while standing. This is done by using the left hand to put the napkin between the pinkie and ring finger. The small hors d’oeuvres plate should be between the index finger and the middle finger. The key to making this work is for the children to take small bites and slow down while eating.

Holiday parties are also a great place for children to use their magic words: “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.”

If the party is at the child’s house you can let them greet everyone as they walk in. They also can take purses and coats and put them in the back room.

Sharing also is important during holiday parties, so encourage children to share their toys with others during the party.


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