TV marriages set up kids for failure

I've been thinking.

I grew up with fictional television folks like Ward and June Cleaver as examples of how a marriage works. Watching them, I saw that it was a civilized union in which fathers knew best and mothers smiled a lot and never wrinkled either their clothing or their brows. The ultimate goal in life for women was to land some guy who wore a suit to work at a job that never seemed to stress him. Bills, mortgages and menopause never entered any discussion. Television families were calm, controlled and non-eventful.

Well, those days are gone forever.

Today's television families consist of gross, ignorant fathers, whining, sharp-tongued mothers and disrespectful but omniscient children.

So, if I'm a kid watching TV these days, what am I learning about being married with children?

I'm seeing that a marriage can last anywhere from a couple of hours to several months.

That love can be measured in carats.

That fidelity is for sound systems.

That it doesn't matter what you do as long as you look good doing it.

And if your needs aren't met, dump your mate and move on.

Give me one good reason why anyone should get married these days. And don't go talking that love stuff.

A single person can have everything that a married person can have -- without all the fighting, lawyers and temporary restraining orders.

But I digress.

So, I'm a kid watching television, seeking a potential role model for marriage. Granted that's kind of like fishing for a diamond in an outhouse, but work with me here.

What else am I learning?

To say one thing, but mean another. It doesn't matter if you're a liar as long as, when all is said and done, you get the money and the mate you want.

That if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, try again. There's really no limit to how many marriages you can have in a lifetime, especially if you don't care how many lives you ruin.

The institution of marriage isn't being destroyed, my friends, it's imploding under the weight of unrealistic expectations. The battle of the sexes is no longer the playful repartee it once was. Now it involves criticism, cruel tricks, scorekeeping and humiliation.

No wonder young people seem afraid of commitment to the institution.

But, television notwithstanding, I have reason to hope after a sneak peek at one long-term union.

My friend, Chris Gross, dotes on his wife and childhood sweetheart, Rene, and refers to her as "my beloved." He speaks to her respectfully, and says "yes, dear" and "no, dear." She is reciprocally loving and deferential to him. Recently, he had a heart-to-heart talk with his teenage son after the young man asked, "Why do you let Mom boss you around?"

Chris's answer went something like this: "Son, I am the head of this family, but your mother is the boss of this house. She takes care of us. It's my job to take care of her. If she says jump, I say 'Is this high enough, honey?' Someday you will have a wife and you will understand this."

He taught the young man not only about give-and-take in a relationship, but about being a loving and patient husband and father.

You'll never see anything like that on television. Who would watch, after all?

Ordinary people. Hope for the future.



