Manager of the month

No 11: Tony Adams

Back him However bad things get, Tony understands. The Portsmouth manager has been there, and he's come through. He's a pianist, a poet, a lover, a pacifist and a hero. What hasn't killed him has made him stronger.

Sack him Only 12 steps from relegation.

Best of times Celebrating his last Premier League title with a haiku. ('I can hear the grass/beneath my boots/SHUSH!')

Worst of times The two League titles and the FA Cup he can't remember winning. Various fire extinguisher-related incidents in Pizza Huts.

Tactical genius The Arlene Phillips of the offside trap. Choreographed Keown, Winterburn and Dixon like a chorus line doing 'Springtime for Hitler'. One step, two step, Nazi salute, look along the line: HOWIZZHEELINESMAN!

Do I not like that Patchy CV. Brunel University sports-science degree (did not complete). Wycombe Wanderers (relegated). Utrecht FC (trainee coach). Pianoforte (grade 3).

Hairdryer quotient There are other ways. How about instead of a team talk, Tony sings a song? 'We can work it out.' 'I get knocked down but I get up again.' 'The long and winding road ...' All together lads. Repeat to fade.

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