Bipolar Disorder

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Is Bipolar Husband Safe Around Baby?

Posted 05/01/2013

My LO is 10 months and is a high needs child.

DH has experienced bipolar episodes on an off for almost 20 years. However, I didn't know anything about this until last Christmas when he had a total psychotic break and had to be hospitalized. He was diagnosed bipolar again and then he and his siblings started telling me his mental health history and past diagnoses etc.

He was release too soon, wasn't stable and had bad side effect from his medication. He had to be hospitalized again 2 weeks later. He takes 1500mg a day of Depokote but refuses to take any antipsychotics. Despite still having delusions, the hospital still released him.

He has been home, and in my care since the middle of February. He has definitely made lot of progress in the last couple of months. Has been in regular therapy, taking his Depokote. But I also know that he still isn't himself. He also refuses to admit that he has any kind of condition and I'm not allowed to use any words like "sick", "confused", "ill", "misunderstanding", "unwell" etc around him or he flipps out and yells "I'M NOT CRAZY" and goes off on a tirade.

Yeah, it's fun all around. But my real concern is whether or not he is safe to be left alone with our baby. When he's doing well, and if he's having a good day, he's an amazing dad. He is very dedicated, fun, entertaining, caring, and attentive to our child. However, if he's having a bad day he is easily overwhelmed by her demands. I see and hear him making occasionally poor choices with her.

I have heard him tell her, in a very angry voice "It's not all about you and you need to learn that". And things like that. The other day, he set her down in the hallway and closed the door to use the bathroom. The hall was totally open to the rest of the house, it's right off the kitchen and she could have gone anywhere. Luckily what she did was push the bedroom door open where I was sleeping (I had been up all night with her teething) and wake me up.

Also, another day he was very upset and frustrated with her. He set her down in her play pen, then about 2 feet away jump and pounded on the floor and yelled in frustration. It really frightened her and set her crying. I walked in from the other room in the middle of this, picked her up and walked out.

And then other times he is really amazing with her. I just feel like his behavior is so unpreditcable that I don't know what could happen. Of course I want to believe him when he tells me that he could never possibly do anything to harm our daughter even if he was very very upset. But I don't know. I feel like I can't trust him in general. He lies about things and hides things from me all the time.

How do I judge if it's ok for him to be alone with the baby? He has spent a ton of time around other children and helped raise his neice and nephew. His sister has never ever worried about him being around then even when he has had bad spells in the past.

He also has a son who is 16 who he's been mostly estranged from for many years but raised from birth until 7 years old and was the primary care giver.

So I don't know what to think. Any input or advice would be much appreciated. I'm very familiar with depression and have managed my own for 15 years. But I'm new to bipolar disorder.

Comments (6)

Posted 05/02/2013
I'm bipolar and a single mother. I've been frustrated with my son in the evening and I put him in the bassinet and beat up my bed to vent my frustration. From what I read I think he's fine and wouldn't hurt your child. He seems to understand the right way to vent his frustrations without physically harming your child. I'd trust him until he does something for you not to trust him anymore
Posted 05/02/2013
Is your DH vocal to you about when he's having a bad day? My DH is bipolar and when he is having a bad day he tells me (or I can tell anyway) and I choose not to leave them alone. On his good days I don't think twice but on his bad days I (and he) prefer him not be alone with the baby. I absolutely do not think he would hurt our kids but on bad days it can get way too overwhelming for him. Then he will freak out and I'd prefer the kids not see it.
Posted 05/03/2013

No Problem. My son's father is paranoid schizophrenic and I can't trust him alone with our son and we are no longer together. I can't trust him to stay on his meds because he doesn't like them and so he knows he will get nothing but supervised visitation

Posted 05/03/2013

If you're asking this question, the answer is no, he's not, but mostly because he is not agknowledging the fact that he does, in fact, have bipolar disorder. If words like "misunderstanding" and "confused" set him off, he's really not very stable.

As someone who has worked in both the mental health field and child protective services, I am telling you that, for the time being, he needs to be supervised while he's with your daughter.




AP'ing, CDing, baby food-making Mommy.

Posted 05/08/2013
I am newly bipolar and I have a 7 month old. I get so overwhelm too and trust me you need to be there because you never know if he could snap or not and then people will ask why didnt you supervise him with the baby? I wouldnt feel comfortable with him alone with baby!
Posted 05/25/2013
It's all well and good to say when it's a bad day for dad don't them alone but what do you do if you're the mum and have bipolar and dad has to work?
I hope this works out for you x

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