Afternoon session

New Zealand 470

120th over: New Zealand 388-6 (Taylor 112, Vettori 47) So it wasn't exactly an uplifting first session for England, whose only hope now is to take four wickets for diddly-squat and then bat like demons. No? Me neither. Anyway, it's Sidebottom to get things going after the break and perhaps the possibility of a six-wicket haul (don't laugh) will stir his juices. He begins with a tidy over to Taylor, who cover-drives his final delivery for a single. "Well done Taylor and Vettori, leading what looks dangerously like another PLUCKY performance from this LIMITED kiwi team," says Fraser Wyeth. "If only they read that proverbial piece of paper we're told demonstrates England's superiority. As with any sacred scripts, any evidence to the contrary should be ignored." But Fraser, your team is doing so well. Why get annoyed by the pundits?

121st over: New Zealand 392-6 (Taylor 116, Vettori 47) Martin Crowe is speculating that neither Hoggard nor Harmison will be playing for England when New Zealand tour in the summer. It sounds outlandish, but is it really? Are England hoping these two can hang on for the 2009 Ashes? They might end up in a heap of trouble if they do. For the meantime, Panesar is leg-glanced for four by Taylor. "What is it like to take a wicket?" wonders a misty-eyed Ian Copestake. "It's been so long for England I have completely forgotten. Will the players know what to do if the umpire makes one of those finger gestures that, if memory serves, means the batsman can stop scoring now? They've already forgotten how to appeal."

122nd over: New Zealand 393-6 (Taylor 116, Vettori 48) As he did yesterday, Vaughan has opened after lunch with Sidebottom and Panesar, currently his two most dependable bowlers. And now Sidebottom goes round the wicket to Taylor - at least he's trying something different., forcing Taylor to adjust to a different angle of attack. But he's been in for so long now that he's hardly troubled. "Nasser claimed at lunch that New Zealand like this "turgid" cricket," says Gary Naylor. "97 runs per session - turgid? Is he watching a different game? Oram, McCullum, Taylor, Fleming and Vettori are all more positive batsmen than any in England's line-up apart from KP and Vaughan (if the muse is with him). And the pitch, while not fast, is definitely not slow - see Sri Lanka for that." Hmm, I'll go with the view of the bloke who made 92 on it yesterday. Jamie How said it was slow and difficult to time your strokes. England just haven't bowled very well.

123rd over: New Zealand 400-6 (Taylor 116, Vettori 55) Vettori reaches his half-century with a characteristic shovel over wide mid-on for four off Panesar: what an innings. And then - utter nonsense from Panesar! After fielding a straight-drive from Vettori, he tries to hurl the ball back to Ambrose - why? - only for it to get stuck in his hand and end up... at midwicket. The batsmen steal two overthrows. You could not make it up! That was pure farce. And these two have now added more than any seventh-wicket pair for New Zealand against England. England have come out after lunch as if they mean whatever the diametric opposite of business is. "Surely Martin Crowe meant that neither Harmison nor Hoggard would be playing in Wellington," says Colin Gerrard. "On current form if Harmison can't be arsed to bowl fast then he should be put on the first flight back to the UK."

124th over: New Zealand 407-6 (Taylor 116, Vettori 62) New Zealand, remember, were 191 for five shortly after tea on day one. This has been a formidable recovery and one which might yet shape this series. Vettori pushes Sidebottom through extra cover for two, then repeats the trick, this time for four. Shot! "Martin Crowe was a fine batsman, but he's a hopeless commentator, who seldom has a good word for anyone." says Gary Naylor. "Hoggy? If he gets as many chances as Harmy, he'll still be there for the Ashes in 2017."

125th over: New Zealand 418-6 (Taylor 116, Vettori 73) Vettori launches Panesar over long-on for six, late-cuts him for four and New Zealand are playing with England now. "If Vettori bowled like Swann, would you select him instead of Monty?" asks Gary Naylor. I would - which means that I would select Swann instead of Monty for the next Test, as it's fatal not to have a proper 8." So you'd drop one of the two England bowlers who have been worthy of the name in this Test? Although I share your concerns over the length of the tail.

126th over: New Zealand 423-6 (Taylor 118, Vettori 75) This partnership is entering the realms of humiliating for England: they haven't even looked like taking a wicket today. Needless to say, they don't get one in that Sidebottom over and I'm beginning to wonder whether they'll get one before I hand over to Andy Bull at tea. "The Sky commentary's just been on about Harmy & Hoggy being past it and it being time to bring in the new chaps, if you can call Jimmy Anderson new," says Marv Quinn. "I think Hoggy's earned the benefit of the doubt until he's fit and played a bit of cricket but I've had it with Harmy's lack of obvious effort and continual lack of a plan and adaptation to conditions. Surely it's time to take him out to the woodshed with a shotgun? Anderson or Broad could, at worst, be our most ineffective and expensive bowlers and put in more effort to boot."

WICKET! Taylor c and b Pietersen 120 (425-7) Good grief. Vaughan tosses the ball to Pietersen more in hope than expectation and Taylor slogs his second ball straight up in the air. An ignominious end to a majestic innings.

127th over: New Zealand 425-7 (Vettori 75, Mills 0) So, that brought to an end a seventh-wicket stand of 148 which put England to shame. But will Pietersen get another over?

128th over: New Zealand 426-7 (Vettori 76, Mills 0) Collingwood gets another crack. Yes, Vaughan is so hacked off with his "bowlers" that he is using Pietersen and Collingwood in tandem. At least he knows how to bowl straight, but Kyle Mills is equal to the task. "Come come Lawrence," says Gary Naylor. "Jamie How is not going to look at a close-of-play scoreboard of 282 for six and say that it's a strokemaker's paradise is he? If it's not jagging sideways or spinning like a top, he's honour bound to say it's tough for scoring. England have bowled poorly, but the ball is being driven on the up through extra cover - not the mark of a slow pitch." We'll see how fast England make this pitch look when they bat...

129th over: New Zealand 435-7 (Vettori 85, Mills 0) KP is rewarded with another over for tempting Taylor into that ugly indiscretion and he goes up for a huge shout against Vettori. It wasn't the worst appeal - and at least it was loud! - but that might have missed leg. And then Vettori sweeps and whips him for successive fours as if to punish him for his impudence. The second ball was a low full-toss, but it was still well dealt with by the Kiwi captain. They're queuing up now. Here's Gavin Facey. I"n my view (and it pains me to admit it), Harmison's international career is coming to an end. For some time now he hasn't been bowling consistently and he is a perfect example of someone playing on past form and glory. I think that the selectors, press and all England cricket fans are hoping he gets his form of 2004/05 back but it will never happen apart from on truly hard, fast, bouncy pitches and how many of them do we see these days? Hoggard on the other hand, although older, does have an international future, he has never relied on pace and his ability to adapt to different conditions has made him the class performer he is today."

130th over: New Zealand 438-7 (Vettori 87, Mills 1) Nasser is ribbing Beefy about his refusal to commentate from the very high portakabin during the ODI here. Heck, their byplay is more entertaining than England's efforts with the ball. Vettori, meanwhile, is closing in on a third Test century and is now taking every run available after turning down a second run at the end of the last over to keep the strike. Collingwood is getting a bit of indrift to the right-handed Mills, but, well, so what quite frankly? "I think England have not only entered the realm of the humiliating but they have decided to settle down and start a family there," says Ian Copestake. "What is NZ's highest Test score against our brave boys?" I daren't look.

131st over: New Zealand 438-7 (Vettori 87, Mills 1) Vaughan persists with Pietersen, which Vettori won't mind at all. And, sure enough, that was a maiden.

132nd over: New Zealand 441-7 (Vettori 87, Mills 3) Mills late-cuts Collingwood for two knowing that his task is to usher his captain to a hundred. Another vote of confidence for Harmy, this time from Shaun Thompson. "We have Harmison standing in the field doing nothing and Collingwood and KP bowling in tandem. Harmison should hang his head in shame, admit he doesnt want to be out there and go back home to watch his beloved NUFC (although why anyone would want to wathc that shambles is beyond me.) He is the weakest, softest, most heartless, gutless, spineless England player I have known." A personal friend?

133rd over: New Zealand 445-7 (Vettori 87, Mills 7) Panesar replaces Pietersen, but Mills sweeps him for four with aplomb. Is there no end to the indignity? I suspect not. "Harmison has never been his best away from home," says Stephen Todd. "It's time he took the Shaun Tait route: at least it would show he is self-aware and may even care about the team..."

134th over: New Zealand 446-7 (Vettori 88, Mills 7) So, one wicket so far in 44 overs today from England. Why do I bother? Collingwood bounces Mills in a rare show of English aggression, but Vaughan is looking a little non-plussed right now. "While Harmison's bowling has provided Gary Naylor et al with a good opportunity to scratch out a few arfs, perhaps calling for him to be rendered back to the UK is a little premature," says Harry Jacques. "I agree he may as well be lobbing down a tennis ball but it is the second day of the first Test and it's pretty clear that this series is his final chance."

135th over: New Zealand 451-7 (Vettori 88, Mills 11) And now Harmison gets the chance to ram all your cruel words back down your throats. Predictably, he begins with a shocker outside off that Ambrose fails to gather properly and dribbles away for a bye. The keeper will not be pleased with that. Gower is already speculating that England might axe Harmy after this Test. And now he's pulled for four by New Zealand's No9. Yikes. "Interesting to see the cameras pick out Phil Mustard wearing an England Test cap," says the eagle-eyed Gary Naylor. "Given that he's yet to make his debut, it makes all these pre-match cap-awarding ceremonies a bit of a farce. It would never happen with a baggy green - never." It's a fair point.

WICKET! Vettori c Strauss b Collingwood 88 (451-8) Vettori won't have his ton, which is genuinely a shame, after steering a slower one from Collingwood towards Andrew Strauss in the floating third-slip position. A neat dive to the right does the rest.

136th over: New Zealand 455-8 (Mills 11, Patel 4) New Zealand might as well hit out now that Vettori's milestone has been missed. They'll want as much time as they can to force a result. And there's a lovely on-drive for four by Jeetan Patel as Andy Bull takes his seat. What pleasures await him. "It seems that in 1973, at Lord's, NZ scored their highest-ever total against our boys of 551-9 declared," says Ian Copestake. "Thanks to 178 from Keith Fletcher, England drew the match. Setting a new high here is more likely than one of our lot scoring 178."

137th over: New Zealand 463-8 (Mills 19, Patel 4) Sky have just flashed up a table which shows that on the nine occasions New Zealand have made more than this in a Test against England, they have been unable to force a win even once. Still, history is always there to be made, I guess, as Mills cuts Harmison behind point for four, then cuts him in front of point for four more two balls later. Utter drivel. "How long before Ambrose gets a bowl?" asks Colin Gerrard.

138th over: New Zealand 469-8 (Mills 24, Patel 5) Mills, who can bat, hooks Collingwood for four and there is still time for New Zealand to rub extra salt into England's gaping wound before their openers walk out to start the reply. "Harry Jacques (over 134) might believe "it's pretty clear that this series is his final chance", but the selectors seem to ignore the final chances Harmison's repeatedly given and keep picking him on the promise from four years ago," says Colin Gerrard again. "Yes, people are laying into him, but he's showing less venom than a toothless kitten at the moment. At least people recognise that Hoggard has worked hard over the last four or five years normally getting rewarded for it."

WICKET! Patel c Strauss b Sidebottom 5 (470-9) Harmison is removed from the attack after two desultory overs and the change works a treat as Patel drives with no foot movement whatsoever at Sidebottom and picks out Strauss, moving to his left at first slip. "Let's be un-English about this and look on the bright side," says Ian Copestake. This should be fun. "Vaughan and Cook and Strauss and maybe even KP should help themselves to a shedload of runs here. I know it's late, but that's something to look forward to. Isn't it?"

WICKET! Martin b Sidebottom 0 (470) Martin, described earlier as "the worst batsman in the world" by Martin Crowe, loses his off-stump first ball and Sidebottom finishes with four well-deserved wickets. And that's an early tea. So Andy Bull will have the pleasure of describing England's reply after the break. Thanks very much for all your emails. I'd say it's been a pleasure, and it has, sort of. Now go pester