The Middle Lane


Dr. Sally: How to handle that train barreling down the tracks


Dr. Sally Porter Ross, the Middle Lane conductor on Wednesdays, reminds that people do have choices, even in times of personal disasters.  

The storm outside my office seemed a perfect backdrop to the mood inside the room. 

Tom and Susan were discussing their very serious marital problems.  Tom had told Susan that he wanted a divorce. Susan had been desperately trying any and everything she could think of to get him to reconsider. So far, nothing had worked.

Susan described her situation this way:  ”I feel as though I’m standing on these railroad tracks.  I hear the train roaring towards me from behind.  I don’t know if it will stop ten feet or two inches short or if it will barrel over me, crushing me under its weight.  I have never felt as powerless and terrified in my life.  I have no idea what to do.”

The train obviously represents divorce.  When you’re standing on the tracks and life is roaring towards you, what do you do?  If you’re in Susan’s position, you do whatever you can to stop it.  When that doesn’t work, I recommend that you use the “What if…?” approach.
When considering a deplorable possibility, ask yourself,  ”What if..?”  using various scenarios.  For example, I first worked with Susan on the, “What if Tom agreed to try again?”  What would that look like, how would she handle it?
Next, we examined the “What if Tom insisted on divorce?”  What shape and form would that give her life?  What decisions could she make that would be in her best interest?
Using this simple device of the “What if…?”  can enable you to focus on your own personal power in any situation.  Even victims have the power to decide what happens next.  Do they strike back, hunker down or turn away?  It is their call.
When it’s your call, what do you do?  Look for patterns in your behavior.  Examine your responses. Are they effective, true to yourself?  Or are they self-defeating or misleading?  This is a script you can change.  When you’re on the tracks, the train roaring behind you, there is a choice that few realize they have.
Just step off the tracks and consider “What if…?”
Categories: Dr. Sally
Claudia Feldman | Senior Reporter

2 Responses

  1. Obviously says:

    Get off the tracks.

  2. Rick says:

    Why on earth would she want to dissuade her husband from divorcing her? he will be miserable staying and she will become miserable over time. She is just being lazy. There are lots of men out there who would love her and be good to her, she is just too lazy to find them.