&#39;Times&#39; Elevator Story Takes Us Nowhere Fast

So that giant hippie freak Choire was deeply moved and whatever by today's Times story on the sad state of the Bronx Family Court elevators. Pinko commie softie. Elevators are a privilege, not a right! If they've got a reason to be in family court, then they probably don't deserve modern mechanical conveniences anyway.

Elevators are for people who pay into the system dammit, like Leona Helmsley (victim of judicial activism!) and Al Capone (inventive entrepreneur and misunderstood capitalist!) Most people who go to family court are illegal sex offenders living off the welfare system we pay for anyway an—yeah, alright, enough of that—impersonating neocons wears me right out.

Still, devoting 1,000 words to (of the myriad deficiencies within the family courts system) the dilapidated pulley system? Huh! "The potential loss is not simply that of time wasted, but of the quality of justice that is dispensed," reads the Times piece. My, my, I was just thinking very nearly the same thing about the quality of journalism here! Plus, lengthy and tortured metaphors on the judicial system's slow choking wheels and impenetrable class-and-glass ceiling plain old piss me off. That is all.

NYTimes: At Bronx Court, Elevator Woes Slow Justice