UK Lifestyle Blog on The Huffington Post UK Lifestyle blog posts from The Huffington Post <![CDATA[For Jonny Benjamin: I'm No Longer Afraid of My Shadow]]> Jojo Furnival Fri, 26 Dec 2014 10:55:17 -0500 Jonny Benjamin's readmission to hospital. To hear him say to camera in his most recent 'recoverlog' on YouTube, in barely a whisper, that he hates himself is absolutely heartbreaking.



I've always been confident, determined, independent, self-motivated and sociable. These are all good qualities, and when people describe others as having these traits the connotations, I think, are positive. I'm proud to be all these things.

But I, like the 7.125 billion other human beings on this earth, am a complex, multifaceted individual, and thus I am these and many more things besides.

As a child, my parents described me as 'intense', referencing photographs of me with clenched fists as evidence. Not the most attractive quality in a little girl.

As a teenager, I was angry that my independence wasn't respected or allowed. I skived lessons, poisoned my body, went out and lied about my whereabouts and fought my way into adulthood. I caused my mum, in particular, much heartache. And for many years I carried that guilt with me, trying to make up for it.

Between the ages of 18 and 23, I was very unhappy. And I did some terrible things to people that were trying to help me, or simply caught in the crossfire. These episodes I've reconciled in the time since as belonging to a different side of me, one that was consumed by a deep depression and having developed, as a result, this destructive nature.

I do not have schizoaffective disorder, nor do I pretend to know what it must be like for Jonny Benjamin, but something that he said during his 'Find Mike' documentary resonated with me. At the time he was diagnosed, he was hearing a voice in his head, a voice that was cruel to him. But he, a 16 year old boy, thought that everyone heard a voice in their head, and that he'd simply been granted a bad one.

Swiss psychiatrist C.G. Jung talked about the Shadow Self, which is all the parts of you that you that you wish you weren't. In my unconscious 'shadow' state, shall we say, I've burned a few bridges. And in my conscious state, I've made many apologies.


And I've been carrying this box around for five years.

But you know what I realised in 2014? I needn't be afraid of my Shadow. I am it, and it is me. In fact, without my Shadow, I couldn't feel the supreme joy, passion and love that I do. My parents were right, I am intense. And that is no bad thing. It just is. I have the capacity to be both intensely positive and intensely negative.

I have the ability to fill a room with the mood that I feel inside. This is something that I share with my mother and her mother. My grandmother was a woman with an iron will, an acid tongue and a propensity for belligerence after one too many of her chosen tipple of choice, brandy. But I remember also her laughter, her sense of adventure and that she was loved by her friends.

I don't apologise for my Shadow anymore. I've done it enough. I can't change the past. And I wouldn't even if I could. It has made me who I am: A unique bundle of intense energy, which is more often than not (and increasingly so) positive, bringing people together and spreading joy. My Shadow is the dark side of the same moon, 'tails' to my 'heads'. I acknowledge this and celebrate it.

I hope that Jonny can come through this difficult time and once more be accepting of the beautiful human being that he is.

]]> <![CDATA[The Best Christmas Present You Can Give Your Family This Year Is to be Present!]]> Kathryn Lovewell Fri, 26 Dec 2014 09:59:17 -0500 being present with the present moment will bring you peace.

When embracing the joys of Christmas, you can find yourself overwhelmed, especially in the season of good will. Those of you who are natural givers may find yourself saying "yes" to all manner of things that, at other times, you would perhaps say "no" to. It's a tricky balancing act. The desire to support local charities, your neighbours and friends-in-need is battling the desire to salvage enough energy to celebrate, support and enjoy your nearest and dearest.

No matter what you choose to do this Christmas, give it your full attention. Whether you are serving up hot soup for Crisis, playing a game with the children or talking on Skype to friends abroad, be fully present with them. You know how unpleasant it feels when you're enthusing about your latest escapade or sharing your passion with someone and you catch them glancing at their watch or worse still checking their phone. That heavy sinking feeling consumes you and no matter what excuse they give, it can still crush your spirit.

So this Christmas make a decision to play full out. Embrace a mindful approach to the festive season. With so many distractions it can be easy to fall into the trap of nipping online or checking your status if the conversation or activity doesn't enthral you. However, if you really want to get the most out of your festive season, be present. Commit to being 100% present - with the people who are sharing your festivities; or for whatever activities you are doing.

The best gift you can give your children, (your partner or your friends) is to give them your full attention. If they are enthusing about their latest gift or gadget, go with them. Celebrate their innocence and enthusiasm. If you dive into their world, you will be filled with joy and wonder. When you play with them, step into their domain, become one with the activity and immerse yourself in their realm of make-believe. It's a great place to hang out.

Sometimes our current reality isn't quite what we'd love it to be. Our financial situation is under the magnifying glass at Christmas and we may not have the funds to provide our loved ones with the in-thing or the latest fashion. It can make our hearts ache and generate feelings of inadequacy. We may have a family member or friend who is sick, in hospital or preparing to depart our planet. However, I believe there is a gift in these challenges. It is the invitation to be present with what is. To not argue with reality. To accept each moment as it presents itself and to embrace the moment as a gift.

There is never a problem with current reality, even with all its complexities. It is only our habit of arguing with it, wanting it to be different, wanting it to be something it is not, that causes us strife. So this Christmas, whatever your situation or circumstance, you have the opportunity of giving yourself and your family and friends the best gift you can - that of your presence.

So put away your phone, go offline for a while. Choose to embody a "yes let's" attitude. Yes let's to playing a silly game. Yes let's to going for a walk even though the weather's yucky. Yes let's to helping with the washing up, even though it's a chore. Say "yes" to each moment. Be present to each moment. Give yourself the profound reward of embracing the moment and saying yes to life, to your Self and to your children/partner/friends.

You will be thanked at the deepest level. Their heart will sing with gratitude for you being fully present, without judgement in that moment. Even if they take it for granted, you will reap the benefits of being fully present to them. Your heart will expand, your mind will soften and your energy will soar. For in that mindful moment, there will be no worries about yesterday and no fretting about tomorrow. You will be 'Still'. I cannot think of a better gift you can give yourself, or your loved ones, this Christmas. ]]> <![CDATA[Being Grateful for What You Have This Christmas - How to Avoid the Post Christmas Emotional Crash]]> Benjamin Bonetti Wed, 24 Dec 2014 12:50:09 -0500 2014-12-18-shutterstock_72790027.jpg

I've experienced some really shitty moments in my own life, and it's this time of year where I'm usually reminded - not because of any specific event that occurred during this festive period, but because of the over indulgence that usually happens within the following weeks.

Having worked with people when they are generally at their low, I fully understand what happens and the realization that occurs once this 'heightened' period has lapsed. Because of this, here is my advice on how to avoid the post-festive emotional crash.

Be grateful.

Be grateful for all of the great things you already have in your life, you have put there...whether it's a great job, a great house, a great partner, or great have attracted all of them into your life and for this alone you should be grateful.

Remember, your subconscious requires direction and at this time of year it's no only works to specifics...and when you ask your subconscious to do something, it does it. Your subconscious mind likes simple instructions...and it likes to be rewarded and praised.
Control your thoughts.

  • Imagine, for a moment, if you woke up every morning and thanked yourself for the actions you took the previous day... how much more might you achieve every day...?

  • What would each new day be like if you started it by taking a moment to reflect on everything you have to be grateful for? Scientific research has shown that "counting your blessings" and being in a state of gratitude can increase your happiness by 25 per cent. Dr Robert Emmons of the University of California, Davis, has conducted several studies through which he has concluded that keeping a weekly "gratitude journal" and recording happenings to be thankful for leads to feeling better about life as a whole, and greater feelings of optimism about the week ahead, than recording "hassles" or neutral happenings. He has also found that creating and keeping a "gratitude list" has a positive effect on your potential to achieve personal goals, and that daily gratitude exercises can generate an overall sense of wellbeing, often leading to improvements in lifestyle, including regular exercise and more restful sleep. In a state of gratitude, your focus shifts away from what you don't have in your life to what you do have, and it's the law of gratitude that you always attract more of what you genuinely appreciate into your life.

So what do you appreciate...?

Create A Gratitude List

Over the festive period write down five things you're grateful for in your life every day.... You may be surprised by how many positive things you already have in your life...things you've perhaps taken for granted...

The positive effects of gratitude can also be summed up with the old saying, "What goes around comes around." Further scientific studies have revealed that people who receive unexpected help or assistancein some way from others are then very likely to do a good deed for someone else in return. In fact, the act of giving or helping others can result in a feel-good factor known as the "helper's high"...similar to the endorphin rush experienced during exercise known as the "runner's high"...encouraging a repeat of the behavior that caused it.

Doing good makes you feel good.

Researchers at the National Institutes of Health in the US have found that giving, whether a donation of money or time, activates the brain's mesolimbic system. This is part of the reward reinforcement system, responsible for activating feelings of reward and reinforcement in response to stimuli such as food, sex, money, or drugs. Giving can trigger the release of the neurotransmitters that generate an overallsense of well-being, and the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin in particular...both connected to the sense of calm, peace, and stability experienced by partners in a long-term relationship.... So, just as the effects of positive thinking run deeper than many people realize, so do the effects of giving and of helping others.

In 2006, multi-millionaire TV personality Oprah Winfrey gave every member of her "Oprah Winfrey Show" audience $1000 to give awayto others. They were also given a camcorder through which to record the experience of giving it away. In previous shows, audience members had been given gifts in the form of "Oprah's Favorite Things" but in this show she said, "I can honestly say that every gift I've ever given has brought at least as much happiness to me as it has to the person I've given it to. That's the feeling I want to pass on to you." Many of the audience members returned to the follow-up show reporting that the experience of being in a position to give had changed them profoundly, positively changing their attitude and outlook on life.


So, what you are you grateful for? What can you give this year that will change the life of another forever? Let us know by posting your answers on our Facebook page here.

Image from shutterstock. ]]> <![CDATA[Ten Things I've Learned This Year...]]> Zoe Jones Wed, 24 Dec 2014 10:38:11 -0500
2. London is a wonderful city and I'm lucky to live here. Walking to work through Regents Park, exploring hidden canals, swimming in ponds, trying new cuisines, hanging out in cosy pubs - it's got everything - even the weather on occasion.

3. I have a passion for my work and I'm lucky to love what I do and the people I work with.

4. Managing a team and seeing them shine is the most rewarding part of my job.

5. The future of media isn't male or female, it's equal - thanks Lindsay Clay, Lindsay Pattinson, Claudine Collins et al for embodying this.

6. Presenting isn't as scary as I thought, your audience wants you to do well and is interested in what you say. Do more of it, don't avoid it.

7. I REALLY love science fiction films - two of my favourites of all time came out in 2014 - Guardians of the Galaxy and Interstellar - and I am beyond exciting for JJ Abrams' Star Wars reboot - The Force Awakens - in 2015.

8. A glass of rose isn't just for summer.

9. Gadgets should be left out of the bedroom, will try and do that next year...

10. Cancer is evil. It's taken my wonderful friend Charlie from her parents, her children, her twin, her sister, her extended family and her friends. Her zest for life will remain an inspiration to me and I'll try and be as brave as her in everything I do. ]]> <![CDATA[Take the Pressure Off and Have a Great Relationship]]> Susan Leigh Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:49:02 -0500
The reality is often very different, with the intense mix of other people, children, conflicting wishes, excessive expenditure and even the weather causing well-intentioned plans to go awry. Good humour can start to fade, tempers can begin to flare and any flaws in the relationship can become highlighted.

Let's consider some ways to take the pressure off and look at the best way to have a great relationship.

- Be prepared to communicate. Communication is not just about instructing what time the children need picking up or requesting that some milk be collected on the way home. Share news, thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns. I've come across several relationships where one person is not involved in what's happening at home, has no idea what their partner or children are doing. Keep up-to-date, be interested in each other's lives and make time to talk about the personal stuff too.

- Be happy to listen and ask questions. Remember what's been said and follow-up on it afterwards. This demonstrates that you're interested and are keen to know more. Build an ongoing conversation and involvement in each other's lives. That way you can both feel supported.

- Make time for each other and demonstrate that it's important to be with each other. Have fun, enjoy each other's company. Dress up, make an effort and show you care, even if it's just for a simple dinner date at home.

- Be loyal. When one person is criticized or not supported by their partner in public, even as a 'joke' it can cause tension. They may feel ridiculed, mocked, disrespected. Other people may notice, pick up on the comment and it can influence their future opinion of that person. Being loyal means standing together even if time needs to be set aside at a later date for a private conversation on a serious or contentious matter.

- Empathise. It can be tough accepting that the other person has a valid point of view, especially if we can't understand why they feel the way they do. Respect them enough to agree to disagree rather than nag, bludgeon or try to force them to change their mind. There is a saying 'you may win the battle but lose the war'. Pick your battles and allow them to have their own opinions unless you feel it's too important to ignore.

Equally, accept that sometimes your partner may feel they have a valid issue with you and your behaviour, just as you may have with them. Try to empathise and see how it is for them rather than become defensive or hostile. Part of establishing a great relationship means accepting that sometimes our partner may need to say if they're unhappy with us. It's important to be calm and receptive, prepared to discuss this in an adult fashion, whilst being aware of how often they 'try to improve' us or 'remedy our failings'.

- Keep your own identity. A great relationship provides companionship, allows you to share closeness and intimacy, enjoy pleasing each other and do things together. But it's also important to keep your own identity and not lose yourself in the relationship. Enjoy the opportunity to improve your confidence and grow and develop as a person, becoming stronger over the years.

- Be generous and do things you don't want to do sometimes. There may be an event with the in-laws or something to do with work where your partner would value your support. You may not need to attend everything but being supportive means turning up when it's important, with a good grace and a ready smile.

- Allow each other quiet time occasionally. It's not disloyal for your partner to sometimes want to be alone and have some private, personal time. Don't take it as rejection. Accept that not everything's about you. Appreciate that sometimes your other half may be stressed, have had a tough day or simply be feeling the need for a little space. A great relationship is about being prepared to understand and accommodate each other whenever possible.

A sense of humour, sensitivity and respect all help towards finding the best way to have a great relationship. ]]> <![CDATA[Why New Year Resolutions Are For Wimps!]]> Sheila Ware Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:48:28 -0500
Not for me the guilt-trip of recrimination that generally follows my orgy of over-indulgence during the Christmas holidays. In short, I have decided that come January I will no longer be making public declarations of unrealistic New Year Resolutions. Promises that, if I was truly being honest with myself, I will have happily dispatched to the wheelie-bin of good intentions long before the last stroke of midnight chimes on Twelfth Night.

So it is, with a new and strangely liberating spirit of realism, I have decided to celebrate my new-found self-awareness by placing on record a list of things I know I actually have a fighting chance of achieving during the coming year.

Firstly, on the subject of personal fitness and finance, I will not be wasting any of my hard-earned cash on gym memberships. That's £650 saved at a stroke which can then be diverted to far worthier projects such as funding my longstanding takeaway and fledgling Nutella habits.

In fact, while on the subject, I have also decided that, instead of wasting months wallowing in self-loathing I fully intend, not only to celebrate my long-cultivated 'muffin top', but to positively nurture it. Henceforward, the only six-pack likely to be attracting envious glances from this quarter will be the breakfast presentation box from Krispy Kreme.

Last year I was told that I needed to sort out my priorities. So, to that end, from now on I will be devoting far more 'quality time' developing my Twitter following, playing computer games and generally enhancing my online flirting skills ... and consequently far less time with my family. Frankly those people are so needy!


During downtime and zoning-out periods, I intend to finally abandon my lofty but ultimately doomed attempt to tackle some of the better known classic novels of 20th century literature and continue my extensive and far ranging study of online erotica while also redoubling my efforts to produce a world-record attempt elastic-band ball.

I hereby also openly acknowledge that, despite my annual protestations to the contrary, I will not now be volunteering at, or donating to, Amnesty, Greenpeace or that donkey sanctuary in Eastbourne that my Aunt is constantly bleating on about. Instead I will turn my attention to causes much nearer home by diverting funds in support of a much-prized local amenity. Any spare time will now be spent much nearer home with like-minded members of the community in such worthy pastimes as low-level gambling, occasional pub quizzes and darts. And, in a further effort to show my support and boost their dwindling coffers, I hereby announce my intention to drink far less in the way of bottled water and far more in the way of neon-coloured alco-pops, spirits and beer.

On more general matters, I further wish to put on record my intention to stop pretending that I am not judgmental about anyone who takes up yoga, swears by homeopathic medicine or who watches Bargain Hunt or anything with Adrian Chiles in it.

Finally, I owe it to myself to acknowledge that I do indeed have a very short attention span and am far too easily distract ...

Sorry, must just check Facebook to see if anyone 'liked' my last posting... ]]> <![CDATA[Are You Knowledgeable or a Know-It-All?]]> Amisha Bhavsar Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:40:05 -0500 The A-Z Challenge: K is for Know-it-all. Shift negative to positive alphabetically.

Did you know that saying 'I don't know' when you don't know something, actually makes you look confident, not incompetent! But most of us prefer to provide answers for just about anything and everything and, inadvertently come across as a know it all.

Maybe you do have the answer and most probably do know-a-lot and, over time, you probably have mastered many things, learnt so many things. Did you know there is a difference between being knowledgeable and being a know-it-all? Being knowledgeable is good, being a know-it-all is not.


Share your know-how. But there's a time and place for it. Why? Well, a know-it-all can grate on people's nerves. It can make others allergic to you and alienate you. As a result, you may lose potential opportunities and hurt your reputation.

Keep your know-it-all attitude in check. How? Regularly ask yourself: What subjects or areas of expertise do I tend to be a know-it-all in? Who do I use my know-it-all attitude on? Why? Am I trying to impress friends, colleagues, boss...? How do those on the receiving end react to my know-it-all ways?

Know when to let others share their know-how. Keep what you know to yourself. Not because you're being miserly or because you want to make yourself indispensable, but because you want to learn from those around you.

Open your mind and be open to learning. Think you have it all figured out and you close your mind to new ideas and learning. Have confidence about what you know but keep your knowledge and understanding open - there's much more to come. Be a student of life and keep educating yourself.

Keep your curiosity muscles pumped up. Reconsider and revise your assumptions. Ask questions and turn your questions into a quest. Explore possibilities and possess a sense of wonder.

Be clear about what you know & what you don't know. When you don't-know something, confidently say 'I don't know'. It gives you the chance to know more and discover something new.

Be knowledgeable, not a know-it-all. Remember: it's what we learn after we know-it-all that counts! Why? Knowledge by itself is only information. It's when we apply and integrate that knowledge into our attitude and actions, that it becomes wisdom. And many would say, wisdom, not knowledge, is power. ]]> <![CDATA[Mrs Portly's Bloomers]]> Linda Duffin Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:29:06 -0500
So I thought I'd share some of my culinary disasters instead, with their remedies where possible.

Let's start with that dratted turkey. When we moved into our present house we had the kitchen re-done. We installed an Aga and also an electric oven for those times, like Christmas, when you're trying to cook a dozen things at once.

Our first Christmas in the house, we bunged the turkey in the electric oven. But I inadvertently put it on the fan setting, which meant the oven was much hotter than I thought, so when we took the bird out at the end of its allotted time it literally fell to pieces. Thank goodness for roasting bags, I say, because they stopped it drying out and the bird was still moist.

The upside was it didn't need a whole lot of carving. There's not much you can do in those circumstances except dismember it discreetly in the kitchen, smother it with gravy and bread sauce and be thankful that you have a forgiving family.


Then there was the time I promised a cake to a friend to thank him for a favour. I got up at the crack of dawn and merrily embarked on the recipe, assuming I had everything to hand in my well-stocked cupboards.

Of course I didn't - as pictured here by Jamillah Knowles - and at 5.30 in the morning there's not much chance of 'phoning a friend or nipping to the shops for emergency supplies.

I had to substitute apricots for raisins and then realised - it was a boiled fruitcake - that I'd got evaporated milk rather than condensed milk, which is thicker and sweeter. In the end it turned out fine but that's not always the case.

It's often said there are cooks, and then there are bakers.

I definitely fall into the former category. Some of my cake and dessert making efforts have been catastrophic. Have a look at this:


It was a sweet shortcrust pastry and it fell to pieces when I tried to lift it from the pastry board to the flan case. That's not necessarily a complete disaster because (unless you're a professional pastry chef in which case this will never happen to you) you can patch it together and press it into the tin and once the filling is in nobody will be any the wiser. But on this occasion, when I blind baked it, it developed a crack across the base.

I know, I thought, I'll do that thing we did when the pork pie pastry cracked and the molten jelly ran out all over the kitchen. I'll make a stiff flour and water paste and paint it over the crack.


But I popped it back into the oven for a few minutes to set, forgot all about it and burned the blasted thing to a crisp. It went in the bin and I started from scratch (with a different sweet shortcrust recipe).

Baking is a science and if you get the proportions wrong or make ill-judged substitutions, you sometimes just have to chalk it up to experience. My cheesecake was a case in point. I substituted so many ingredients the result tasted like shaving foam. It was so revolting I fed it to the hens and even they had to keep wiping their beaks on the grass to get the gloop off.


Then there was the tarte au citron. It's my favourite dessert and I was making it for a supper party. It had loads of eggs and lemons in and I'd bought a giant new tart tin for the big reveal.

I still don't know exactly what went wrong, although using the wrong set of beaters may have had something to do with it. I cooked it and cooked and it just wouldn't set. When I served it up the filling ran out onto the plate - possibly the first time my guests have offered to eat their pudding with drinking straws.


But ingredients are expensive and I was determined these wouldn't go to waste. The next day I carefully scooped out the remaining filling, mixed it with whipped cream and called it a lemon posset. Jolly good it was too.

So if things go partridge-in-a-peartree-shaped in the kitchen for you this Christmas, don't panic. Think around the problem, get creative with your solutions and if all else fails, hit the bottle.

There was a famous occasion when my late mother-in-law had a house full of junior doctors one Christmas and forgot to turn the oven on for the turkey. They got dinner somewhere close to midnight but as they were all completely plastered by then, no-one minded a bit.

Have a very merry Christmas! ]]> <![CDATA[Feliz Navidad, Feasts and Festive Paella!!]]> Antony Bennett Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:27:22 -0500
Now, as always in Spain, there are loads of celebrations and events that take place in the run up to, and after, Christmas Day. The first of many festivities takes place on December 8th - Immaculada - AKA the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, which is a public holiday. This is a feast of the Roman Catholic Church and as a large percentage of the Spanish population are Roman Catholics, many people consider this as a really important day. The streets are lit up and there is a buzz in the air - Christmas has begun!!


Coming to the actual big day itself, this is also a little different to the UK as in Spain most people tend to eat their Christmas dinner on Nochebuena or Christmas Eve, before they go down to a Midnight Mass carol service. At this time of the year, it is traditional to eat a sweet treat called turrón/torrone, which is nougat made of toasted sweet almonds and tastes incredible.

And although Santa does indeed visit Spanish niños (children), he only leaves the one present on Christmas Eve! January 6th is the day that children really look forward to... when the three kings visit and bring them their presents. Huge parades roll through the towns on Three Kings' Day and the Reyes Magos (three kings), and their pages, shower sweets over delighted children - a truly wonderful experience.

It's crazy to think how different cultures interpret Christmas in such different ways but it's always good to learn about and try out those distinctive cultures in your own home. And one way to bring a bit of Spanish fun to your Christmas is by trying out my new unique paella recipe - I have put a twist on the traditional method to make the most festive paella for fun! Now, we all know that Christmas is a time for indulgence, sharing and fun and all those things signify paella in one!

And as all good Christmas elves know, it's best to stick to the four main food groups - candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup - and so - I have come up with a very quick and simple bonkers recipe for a sweet 'no cook' paella, which incorporates only these foods. You just need a pan and some sweety stuff and you are off... try it, set one up, stick Elf on in the background and give away the paella love with festive best wishes!


Sweet Christmassy Paella:
Serves as many as you want it too!
Cook time: None!

Candy (your choice)
Candy Corn
Candy Canes
Syrup (your choice)

1 paella pan - the bigger the better!
1 small saucepan
1 microplain or small box grater

1. Place those candy corns into the pan

2. Mix in the chocolates and sweets and hide some of them so it's even more of a surprise!

3. Decorate the whole pan with loads of candy canes

4. When you serve it up, drizzle over a little bit of the syrup of your choice, (kind of like squeezing the lemon onto a fresh paella, you see it all relates back somehow!!)

5. Enjoy!!

]]> <![CDATA[Have a Fantastic Festive Season!]]> Mik Scarlet Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:25:31 -0500

For me 2015 will be a big one. I hit the ripe old age of fifty in August. This is a milestone I never thought I'd reach. I was given a life expectancy of no more than five years at birth after being diagnosed with Neuroblastoma, a rare form of childhood cancer, and I am sure you can see why reaching fifty is such a big deal. To have out lived all expectations by so much, and to still be hail and healthy is an Xmas gift unrivaled by any other. This year I am planning to spend the build up to my birthday doing all manner of things I have always wanted to do but just never found the time. However once I hit the big 5 0 I am not planning to stop. I want to make my fiftieth year one that is one I never forget. More details of these as they unfold next year.

Anyway, both my wonderful wife Diane and me wish you all a wonderful, enjoyable festive season and hope you all see in 2015 in style. See you all on the other side!

Card Designed by Diane Wallace Scarlet ]]> <![CDATA[Avoiding Migraine Triggers This Christmas]]> Dr Nitin Shori Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:24:50 -0500
Migraine is the most common neurological condition in the developed world. Around eight million people in the UK experience them and it's about as prevalent as diabetes, epilepsy and asthma combined. While it's not a threat to your overall health, it can seriously affect quality of life.

If you've ever experienced a migraine, you'll know that it usually manifests itself as a severe, throbbing headache at the front or side of the head, which can last few hours or in some cases, a few days. Other symptoms, such as feeling or being sick and increased sensitivity to light or sound, often plague sufferers. I've treated patients at the Pharmacy2U Online Doctor service who say that all they can do when they have a migraine is lie down in a dark, quiet room, which no one wants to have to do - especially during the party season.

Can you prevent a migraine?

The exact causes of migraines are unknown, although they are thought to be the result of temporary chemical changes in the blood vessels of the brain. Genes can also play a role, so you're more likely to get them if you have a close relative who suffers from them.

For some, episodes are rare and can be years apart, but for others they can happen several times a week. Hormone changes and even changes in the weather can trigger a migraine. They can often be brought on by stress or anxiety, being over tired and certain foods, such as chocolate and cheese.

Maintaining a generally healthy lifestyle is paramount. Take regular exercise, sleep and don't skip meals, stay well hydrated and keep an eye on how much caffeine and alcohol you consume. If you've tried all this and your migraines are severe, medication can help treat the symptoms.

Over-the-counter painkillers can be beneficial, as are medicines that treat the feeling of sickness. If non-prescription medicines don't work for you, there are also prescription treatments that can help.

Many patients find a way of reducing attacks by identifying and avoiding their own particular triggers. If you suspect a specific trigger causes your migraines, such as a certain type of food, try to avoid it. The Migraine Trust offers a free online diary that encourages you to keep a record of your migraine experiences to help you stay in control of your condition.

Light at the end of the tunnel

While there is no cure for migraines at the moment, there is lots of research into the subject - and most sufferers find their condition improves over time; becoming less severe and frequent as they get older.

Meanwhile, if you or a family member suffers with them, it can be really useful to pin down what usually sets them off. For some migraineurs, the seasonal festivities can be a minefield of potential triggers - from alcohol and rich foods, to the stress that can be involved in all the preparations. So take care, and I wish you all a headache-free Christmas. ]]> <![CDATA[Reflecting on an Extraordinary 2014 for Breast Cancer Campaign]]> Baroness Delyth Morgan Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:18:02 -0500
And as the year draws to a close, it has been a real pleasure for me to reflect on what has been an extraordinary year for Breast Cancer Campaign.

Choosing a personal highlight is, of course, particularly tricky. I'm immediately drawn to the discovery at Barts Cancer Institute in July, as researchers funded by Breast Cancer Campaign identified that the molecule αvβ6 plays a fundamental role in helping breast cancer cells to grow and spread and that it could be a viable new target for treating HER2-positive breast cancer.

Pic: Dr John F Marshall, Reader in Tumour Biology at Queen Mary University of London's Barts Cancer Institute

This was a discovery built on 10 years of collaboration and hard work in the laboratory. The fact that these scientists spent so long grinding away in the twilight, and that we are now seeing the fruit of this labour, makes it something that is very special to us and it is so inspiring for us to be able to support work like this.

Our most important news of 2014 is, of course, also our most recent. We were delighted to announce last month that we will be merging with Breakthrough Breast Cancer in Spring 2015 to create the UK's largest breast cancer research charity.


This is, without doubt, the right thing to do for women with breast cancer. United, we will be a stronger, more effective force, committed to putting an end to this dreadful disease. By combining our energies and expertise, we'll make greater progress towards our shared ambition: that, by 2050, no one will die from breast cancer.

I also couldn't look back over 2014 without mentioning wear it pink. Hundreds of thousands of you took part this October, looking good and doing good in pink, and we have raised an outstanding £1.5million and counting! Thank you to each and every one of you.

I shall never quite forget the moment when a passer-by shrieked with surprise at the sight of someone on her train - me - commuting to work in a pink Care Bear onesie... If it wasn't my best moment of the year, it was certainly the hottest.


Of course, 2014 has also been a year of tremendous challenges. None larger than tackling the unfounded idea that cancer and breast cancer have had enough attention, that they are 'done' and that it's time to move on to something else.

This could not be further from the truth and this slow-growing complacency around breast cancer is something that we are wholeheartedly committed to addressing in 2015.

It has been difficult to see some of the targets that were so fervently fought-for in the NHS cancer plan fifteen years ago starting to be gradually eroded, with two-week waiting-time targets not being met for the first time this year. But we cannot afford to be disheartened when there is so much more to be done.

I have also been struck this year by the enormity of the battle facing us to get our health systems properly geared up to support women with secondary breast cancer.

The fact that women are living longer with secondary breast cancer represents real progress, but we unfortunately do not yet have sufficient structures in place to support them, and care pathways urgently need to be improved; this is an area in which our new organisation will continue to seek significant progress.

But at this time of year we must, once again, give thanks to our supporters: we are so grateful to you for all that you have contributed to Breast Cancer Campaign this year.

The support you have shown us over the last year has been truly humbling. From our Spread the word campaign to our Mother's Day appeal, from our incredible volunteers, campaigners and fundraisers to our wonderful partners - thank you so much for your commitment to funding breast cancer research and for the time and passion that you have given. It is abundantly clear that you understand not only what's important but also what it takes to get things done!

For many of our friends and supporters this time of year is, of course, particularly difficult or bitter-sweet. Please know that we are thinking of you and hoping with you, and that, inspired by you, we will continue to invest in world-class research until we have put an end to breast cancer.

They say that a new year brings a time for new (or renewed) hopes and I have three in particular for 2015:

Firstly, I hope that the new charity will get off to a flying start, because that is what women with breast cancer need. We need to redouble the research effort in this country to achieve our vision of putting an end to breast cancer - there has never been a better time to join forces.

Secondly, I hope that whichever Government takes power in May 2015, they will make cancer a priority, and that they don't let the learning and progress of the last decade or so go to waste.

Finally, we sincerely hope that a solution can be found to enable people to access the treatments they need for breast cancer. I hope that the days of people being forced to sell their houses, or camp outside the Department of Health in order to get the help they need, remain a thing of the past.

It is thanks to your support - the research you've helped fund and the advances you've made possible - that we are able to enter 2015 with such hope and ambition. We truly believe that, together, we will put an end to breast cancer, once and for all.

So, however you and your families celebrate at this time of year, on behalf of everyone at Breast Cancer Campaign may I wish you a peaceful and joy-filled Christmas-time and a very Happy New Year.

2014-12-23-img570happyxmas2014.jpg ]]> <![CDATA[One Stocking Missing]]> Zoe Clark-Coates Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:16:51 -0500
Image: Robert Proksa (Via FreeImages)

Well we all know the true reason of Christmas and what we are celebrating.

A baby.

THE baby.

That little miracle, who we know to be called Jesus.

Children have always been the centre of Christmas and when you are longing for a child, Christmas can be one of the most heart breaking times of the year.
Imagine this...

A 9-month walk of hope and longing.

At the end of the journey an empty crib.

No family and friends bringing gifts of joy and hope, often in fact no visitors, as most feel it too painful to step foot into this new world of devastation and mourning. Some worry they will not know what to say, others are so scared that this sort of tragedy could befall them, they choose to pretend this sort of loss doesn't exist. To do that means they need to avoid all baby loss, so they vanish from your world.


Some people who have lost a baby have been blessed to have other children, or perhaps had children before they lost their baby, so for those people the holidays are a mixture of joy and sadness. They have little ones to celebrate with, but they are acutely aware that they should be hanging more stockings on the fireplace, and that a crucial and wanted person is missing.

So as people all around the world put out mince pies for Santa, wrap presents, and excitedly anticipate the looks on their little ones faces on Christmas morning, please take a moment to think of those who are still holding on for their miracle, and are missing....

A child they love...

A child they long to hold...

A child they would give the world to raise.
Please take 2 minutes to watch this powerful spoken word.

Zoe Clark-Coates is one of the founders and CEO's of the Mariposa Trust. The Saying Goodbye division offers support and national remembrance services for anyone who has lost a baby at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in early years.
Twitter @SayinggoodbyeUK
Instagram: ZoeAdelle
Facebook: /SayinggoodbyeUK
Website: & ]]> <![CDATA[The Truth About Hypnobirthing]]> Suzy Ashworth Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:14:25 -0500
As a hypnobirthing Mum of two and a practitioner, I have fantastic things to say about hypnobirthing every single day. But to suggest that it has the same effect, as a sprinkling fairy dust over every pregnant or birthing woman; who is blessed enough to have discovered it, does everyone involved, a massive disservice. So, if it's not about magic wands and easy births what's the point??

1. Preparation

Hypnobirthing is just as much about the preparation that takes place during pregnancy. The practice both Mum and Dad undertake during the lead up to labour, not only prepares Mum to navigate the journey of birth, but also draws Dad back into the process; so once again 'making baby' becomes very much a team effort, as with conception. By taking 2.5 hours out every week, to come to class and then working on their homework together, this really allows Mum and Dad to be on the same page. It provides Dad with specific tools to help him engage with Mum and Baby and the nurturing of the child they made together, which can make hypnobirthing an infinitely more bonding experience. This is of course is equally relevant and perhaps even more so, with same sex couples.

2. Pregnancy Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the buzz word for 2014, but anyone involved in hypnobirthing, will have been talking about this - in many other guises for years. Hypnobirthing creates a space for Mum to really connect with the fact that that she's having a baby; now whilst I appreciate that this might sound odd, how many pregnant women do you know who have rushed around like Super Woman, until a week before their baby arrives? So many! The exercises and practice encouraged during this type of birth preparation, are about slowing things down both physically and emotionally, so that Mums can tune into what's going on with their bodies. When you are rushing around at 100 miles an hour, multi-tasking to within an inch of your life, what possibility is there of achieving that....? And it's this skill that is the most important tool, to have at your disposal, when you go into labour.

3.Reducing Fear

By teaching couples about the physiology of the body and explaining why some women do experience painful labours, we help a woman to feel more relaxed during her pregnancy. It's almost like a light bulb goes off, when the science starts to make sense, the shoulders come down and you can physically see the confidence in our mothers, starting to grow. It means that Mum is able to approach her labour with a belief in both her body and her baby, because of the knowledge that we were designed to do this job and barring any special circumstances, that she is going to be able to do it and doesn't need to be the excruciatingly painful experience, that in the past she has been led to believe is a given.

We know that baby's are affected by the emotional environment of the Mother, so this calm and relaxed attitude towards labour and birth, most certainly impacts baby positively; as they are not being flooded with the negative hormones that accompany the mother's fear and anxiety. This also works to help our couples to manage the inevitable concerns that arise with becoming a parent for the first time, or working out how to go from being a parent of one to two, or maybe even three!

4) Life Skills

As a prerequisite for being able to call upon hypnobirthing tools during labour our Mum's need to practice the tools learnt during class in real life; not just in bed at the end of a busy day. This is because whilst we, ideally, want our mums to be a haven of peace and tranquility during labour, often the birthing environment can be anything but. With doctors and midwives walking in and out of rooms if birthing in hospital; inconvenient traffic noise at home or navigating taxis and people if traveling to birth centres, the list of distractions is endless. Therefore, knowing that you have developed the amazing ability to relax both your body and mind in just a few seconds, whether it is in the middle of a stressful scene at work; blocking out the noise from the infuriating loud woman talking on her mobile on the bus, or as with a recent client, managing the pain of fractured arm . Adds a critical dimension to a mother's ability to be able to call upon what have become skills for life during her labour and birth.

And so now, to finally address the elephant in the room, what about the birthing?

5) Solid Foundations

So, whilst I opened the post clearly stating that it was nonsense to expect hypnobirthing to guarantee quick and pain free labours; there is, in fact, something it can guarantee. If the Mums complete their practice, hypnobirthing will immeasurably enhance their labouring experience, whatever paths their births ultimately take. Whilst it is definitely true, that hypnobirthing does put women in the best possible position to achieve, quick, calm, and fear free births, as many women will testify; a positive experience will not always mean an easy one. However, if a woman is able to draw upon skills that enable her to stay calm and relaxed during her labour, she will also stay in control and it is that element of personal control, during her most powerful and simultaneously vulnerable time, that will determine her ability to look back on her a birth positively or not...Regardless of how her baby is finally born; which in turn, will only be a part of her entire hypnobirthing experience.

So now you know the truth, I hope you see that, the time and space created for hypnobirthing women and their partners, is about much more than just birthing babies. So much so, that even if a woman was opting for an elective c-section, I believe that hypnobirthing should still be at the top of her 'Preparing for Motherhood' list.

To connect with Suzy please visit or for free hypnbirthing classes click ]]> <![CDATA[Everyone on This Planet Is Already on a Spiritual Path]]> Karen Ruimy Tue, 23 Dec 2014 23:14:05 -0500

Actually, stepping out onto a spiritual path is an illusory choice.

Everyone on this planet is already on a spiritual path, to which there is no beginning and no end. We are born into a physical body, but before that, we are a soul. After that we remain a soul. We come into life on Earth and we leave it. The soul has nothing else except a spiritual path. Everything in our lives is related to the path of our soul. Everything we see or bring into our lives is attracted to us because of the energy that we put out into the world and our soul's journey is weathered accordingly.

Our souls vibrate on a high level as part of the energy of the universe, but we are not putting out that energy because we create an ego and forget about our soul. As we grow we learn to stop listening to our soul because it talks a language that does not fit with the world. So we develop a new language and new codes of behaviour that help us fit into society and that's when we create the ego. It's as if we say to our soul "I'm sorry, I can't be bothered about what you're saying because nobody's going to understand it and I'm not going to survive."

And so we refine our egos and we learn to think that our ego is truly who we are. Our soul doesn't stop trying to communicate with us, but we are like kids who put their hands over their ears and shout "la la la" when we don't want to listen to our parents. We are taught to think that the messages from our soul are just 'fancies' and we'd better just move on. I remember as a small child, my inner life was very rich, but I learnt to keep very quiet about it as my experiences were not taken seriously by the adults around me. All children discover this, and most learn to forget their inner life because they think it's not useful in the world.

I remember when I was 17 and visiting my sister in LA. I had just been awarded my baccalaureate and was accepted for a place in the preparatory college for admission to the Grand Ecole in Paris - like Harvard for the French! My parents were excited and I was too. Then the creative vibe in LA triggered something in me and I signed on for a Liberal Arts course at UCLA. I felt so happy. I called my parents. They didn't shout, they just said 'this option doesn't exist in your world. It will take you nowhere.' I didn't allow myself to think they were going against the expression of my true self. My creative self was not ready at that time to stand up and say "F*** Off, I'm an artist!" I was not ready. I didn't realise that my sense of self then was anchored in my ego, the construct that I had created in order to please and survive in the world.

This is not to say that the ego is a bad thing. It protects us. It's the tool that enables our soul to live on this Earth. It is the soul's translator. So we need our ego to exist hand-in-hand in harmony with our soul - in balance so that we can both manage our lives in society and truly express the creative gifts our soul has to offer. Because this is when we thrive and experience true joy and the connection with our selves and others.

In order for this to happen we have to recognise which of our attributes belong to our soul and which belong to our ego. This recognition comes through meditation and other methods that I'll talk about in my blog so you can discover what helps you personally to best access your creativity. This process shines light on the path of your soul. You are not stepping out on your spiritual path. You are simply learning to see it clearly.

But why bother if as human beings we're all on a spiritual path anyway? Because by shining a light on our path, we gain a clear vision of who we truly are and understand better the big picture of our lives. We can then learn how to live our life in alignment with our true self. And our true strength will suddenly be revealed to us. For some it is not an easy choice to step away from a routine that does not fit: we all get used to it, it's convenient to keep hiding behind masks, to repeat scenarios where our fears are handled...but eventually the soul will manifest its frustration at its lack of expression and it will show us that it's time to live our life in line with the truths within it.

Our soul never stops sending us messages, trying to show us who we truly are. And life has shown me if we keep ignoring it, we will be brought face to face with the question: "Is this all there is?" We may be very successful in society and in terms of our ego but we are most likely going to feel miserable and that we've reached a dead-end. I really believe it's why we experience a "mid life crisis" - though it can occur at any age.

As you connect with your soul you shine light on its path and you get a beautiful new view of your life. It's like you've been on a journey in the dark where you are surrounded by glittering jewels. You can't see them and have no idea they are there. But as you switch on the torch and the beam gets bigger and brighter you become aware of the immense treasure glittering all around you. And as you learn to recognise this wonderful new terrain you will see that by anchoring your sense of self in your heart, in your soul, instead of in your ego, you give yourself a magic lamp to light the way to harmony with your true self.

Moving your centre of consciousness from one spot to the other - from your mind which holds obsessive patterns and is super-reactive to life - to your heart which is your centre of spiritual consciousness, is like giving yourself the perspective of slow- motion on life because you know you don't need to get agitated for your life to progress or advance. When your sense of self is rooted in your heart you will connect to - and learn how to nourish - your emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

When you connect with your soul, and live life from the awareness this brings, you will be living on a higher energetic level. You will attract the greater brilliance of higher energies into your life. You will grow to understand the gifts that your soul has to offer which are the tools for you to create the life that you dream of. Last but not least, you will align yourself to the rhythm of the flow of life because the energy of the soul resonates with that. You will experience the sense of being in harmony with a higher order and living with coincidences, good surprises and doors opening before you. Or if they shut, you'll know it's to show you the value of change.

Enjoy the path !

Join me on my Life Labs video blog platform for more conversation and meditations on finding our spiritual paths: ]]>