What has been the biggest challenge for you?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What has been the biggest challenge for you?
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 3:44pm

When it comes to be a stepmom, what has been the biggest challenge you've faced?  Did you have any hesitations in becoming a stepmom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 4:16pm

Probably the biggest challenge was learning when to parent, and when to step back.  As a mom, it's hard not to try to parent, but it's not always the best course when it comes to your stepkids.  It's definitely a learning experience, and you have to keep an open mind.  I did have hesitations, but not because he had kids, but because we both did.  It can be rather sticky to blend your family! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 1:33am

Hi Melissa,

Eight crazy years into this, I think I shouldn't have been so naive. I Beleived my dh, when he told me he wanted my help, in parenting His kids, because he told me he really admired that my kids were respectful, communicative, and appreciative, and he wanted His kids to become better people, and have those qualities.It takes work from an early age,but when you see what you have done FOR your kids,by instilling those qualities, it is worth Every second you spend, to teach them.

So...I dove in. And hit the cement bottom of that pool!Ouch. Every time I tried to help him; and after a year of awful fights, I Never gave advice unless asked Directly by him,I found that it was a total Farce. What my dh Really wanted was not a parenting partner, as I thought/he said, what he wanted was a taxi, cook, scapegoat, and person who could help him fix Every problem his kids created, because they refused to do things with any inkling of protocol. For example: younger ss didnt do his homework. He is told  by his teacher that he gets a zero,unless it is in the next day, and it better be a grade of 80 or better, at that time. So, dh Fully expected me to practically DO the paper For his child. Ummm...NO. What would that teach a lazy, arrogant 15 year old.? Oh, that mommy and daddy, and now, Pepper, would fix it, while He played video games! Silly me. But..Not on Planet Pepper, no way! So, you can imagine the massive battles dh and I had, as he called me selfish, uncaring, and more. Nice.

If your dh doesnt respect you, dont' expect his kids to! Prob one of the most important things I've learned.

Wouldn't do this again. Think before you leap, and don't be in a rush. And, get family/couples counseling Before you marry. If your dh to be won't go..then, You go..Out of his life!