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Joined 02-16-08, id: 1501275, Profile Updated: 05-09-13
Author has written 8 stories for Twilight.

About me:

Favorite movie(s): Edward Scissorhands, Phantom of the Opera (Team Erik), The Illusionist, The Village, Clue, Dracula (1992), and Star Wars Episode 3.

Favorite book(s): The Twilight Saga (Twilight out of them all), The Host, My Sister's Keeper, Watchers, Sunday's at Tiffany's, The Book Thief, Blood and Chocolate, and The Tale of Desperaux.

Favorite TV Show(s): 3rd Rock From The Sun, Life, and Big Brother.

Favorite Quotes: This will go one for a while, folks!

"Television has brought murder back into the home... where it belongs." --Alfred Hitchcock

"I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away." --Xander; Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, 'Why me?' Then a voice answers, 'Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.'" --Charlie Brown

"Television: a medium, so called because it is neither rare nor well don." --Ernie Kovacs

"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." --Emo Philips

"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Meninvade another country." --Elayne Boosler

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." --G. K. Chesterton

"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." --Homer Simpson

"I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful." --Ian O'Shea

"Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them." --Ivy Walker

"God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs." "Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the earth." --Jurassic Park

"Age is to women as kryptonite is to Superman." --Kathy Lette

"In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith if the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space, wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever, festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this, I thought... I really must put a roof on this outhouse." --Les Dawson

"Wait a minute. You think my eyes are brown? I'm hurt. It's obvious my eyes are a reflective gold."

"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something." --Mitch Hedburg

"You mean, what we thought, they thought. We think and thought what they thought. We think?" --Patrick; Spongebob

"Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." --R. D. Laing

"If you see a light at the end of a tunnel, it's probably the light of an oncoming train." --Robert Lowell

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" --Steven Wright

"I inherited a painting and a violin, which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins, and Stradivarius was a terrible painter." --Tommy Cooper

Reality is in the eye of the beholder.

Obsessed is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I don't have ADD. I have ADOS. Attention Deficit Oooooh Shiny!

Some people really ruin fun. They try to spell the word 'fun,' but forget the N.

I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.

A life? Cool! How do I download one of those?

You're just jealous because we can act stupid and people still love us.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

What's the speed of dark?



If Tylenol, Duct tape, or a Band-Aid can't fix it, then that is one serious problem.

People make mistakes all the time... your parents never told you how you came along, did they?

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses are wilted, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

Right now, I'm experiencing amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

Don't walk in my footsteps. I run into walls.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

The doctors tell me I'm special.

I see dumb people.

I do everything the rice crispies tell me to do.

Reality bites... I have the teeth marks to show it.

I brake for the invisible creatures that only I can see.

Ways To Annoy The Phantom (or How To Get Yourself Mysteriously Hanged In The Opera House)
Constantly tell everyone that he lost
Christine to a guy with swishy hair.
Drill holes in his boat.
Pull a Christine and yank his mask off at inopportune moments.
Reprogram the monkey music box to play It's A Small World.
Hide all his ropes.
Replace all the candles in Christine's dressing room with relighting ones.
Do your best (worst) imitation of Carlotta singing.
Hug him. A lot.
Refer to him as the Deformed Social Reject Of The Theater.
Come running down to his lair at random moments screaming, "The mob is coming!"

And One Way To Make The Phantom Really Happy:
Kill GirlyBoy for him.

Save a drum. Bang a drummer.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.

It's not what you wear, it's how you take it off.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'd bet it's hard to pronounce.

Vampires vs Werewolves... it's kinda like ninjas vs pirates, but cooler.

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in back seats can lead to children.

If all the world's a stage, then why do I keep falling in the orchestra pit?

Great Rules Of Writing
1) Do not write sentences in negative form.
2) And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
3) If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading.
4) Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do.
5) Unqualified superlatives are worst of all.
6) De-accession euphemisms.
7) If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
8) Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
9) Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
--William Safire

Favorite Vampire Quotes: may or may not be Twilight

"I never drink... wine." --Count Dracula

The only difference between being a vampire and being an art student is that I actually suffer from lack of food, sleep, and sunlight.

Do not feed the bears. Let the bears feed Emmett.

Hmm. I think today should consist of... a red apple for breakfast, then I'll go pick some red and white ruffled tulips. After, I'll put a red ribbon in my hair and play chess with my red and white chess pieces.

Team Emmett: Because we're all a little gutter-minded at times.

I make major decisions by asking myself WWAD (What Would Alice Do)?

This next one is the best random thing I have ever seen. My friends and I were arguing over who'd looked up the most random thing on Google, so I said:
"I Googled adrenaline rushes."
Of course, only those few who had seen the greenhouse scene knew what I was talking about. I did win that debate, though.

There was no room full of witnesses – they were already collateral damage in my head. The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten. Her thoughts meant nothing, for she would not go on thinking them much longer.
--Edward Cullen; Midnight Sun

"What? You think he's going to pull a Romeo? Ha!"
--Rosalie Hale; New Moon extras, Miscalculation

Life sucks, and then you die.
Yeah, I should be so lucky.
Jacob Black; Breaking Dawn

Listen to them, the children of the night. What sweet music they make. --Count Dracula

Demetri Martin Quotes:

I bought a dictionary. The first thing I did was I looked up the word 'dictionary.' And it said, "You're an asshole."

By the way, if you wanna sound like a creep, just add the word 'ladies' to the end of things that you say. It could be harmless, too, it doesn't matter, like, "Thanks for coming to my show... ladies."

'Sort of' is a harmless thing to say, sort of. It's just a filler. It doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, it sort of means everything. Like after, "I love you sort of." Or, "You're going to live sort of." Or, "It's a boy! sort of."

I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

I think a bad place for a fire would the be factory where they make those trick birthday candles.

There's a saying that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Okay. How about, nobody should throw stones. That's crappy behavior. My policy is no stone throwing regardless of housing situation. Don't do it. The is one exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, throw it. What, are you an idiot? So really, it's only people who live in glass houses should throw stones.

Now, after an incredibly long bio, you can get to my stories! Enjoy, and please, R&R if you can.


Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 2,733 - Reviews: 888 - Favs: 805 - Follows: 269 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 8/27/2005 - Bellatrix L., Seamus F.
Billy Stinson by EccentrikPirate reviews
HIMYM & Dr. Horrible crossover. What does Barney Stinson really do for a living? Why, of all places, did he decide to fulfill his community service hours at a homeless shelter? And why, oh why, does he seem to hate frozen yogurt so much?
Crossover - How I Met Your Mother & Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 38,224 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 3/20/2012 - Published: 11/20/2008 - Robin S., Dr. Horrible/Billy - Complete
Till There Was You by klemonademouth reviews
In the beginning, it was all about the what, and not the who. He wanted someone, anyone, to hold hands with. It was even like that with Blaine, at first. That all changed around Valentine's day. Post-2.16. I should've written this a while ago . Klaine.
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,532 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 140 - Follows: 10 - Published: 7/24/2011 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
The Rival by ckofshadows reviews
A gorgeous Dalton boy has his sights set on a new conquest - but Kurt's not giving Blaine up without a fight.
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,418 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 321 - Follows: 19 - Published: 7/4/2011 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
Pixies? Pixies! by DopeyTheChosen1 reviews
The Tri-Wizard Trounament takes an interesting turn when the Dr. Horrible crew pays a visit to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I need a title for this. Badly . . . ideas?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,060 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 7/3/2011 - Published: 12/4/2009
Kurt, Any SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT Single Warblers? by KlainexXxArygon reviews
Santana, STOP FLIRTING WITH THE ENEMY! Facebook Fanfic! Klaine FTW!
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,800 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 40 - Published: 2/4/2011 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
Caged by Au revoir Amour reviews
Kurt's transfer causes problems for Brad; now every time his Piano-Man Senses start tingling, he has to drive to Westerville!
Glee - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,208 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 7 - Published: 12/6/2010 - Brad, Kurt H. - Complete
The Magic Words by Threepwillow reviews
Blaine doesn't like to break the rules, at all. Kurt doesn't want to break the rules, but he at least wants to have fun. :::Oneshot, Kurt/Blaine, Harry Potter pickup lines!:::
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,090 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 1,270 - Follows: 54 - Published: 12/6/2010 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
Revenge that Destroys the Heart by ComicsNix reviews
After an awkward party, Triton decides to finish Prince Eric's life, freeing Ariel from his clutches, but he needs help. He seeks a witch, someone...that should be dead.
Little Mermaid - Rated: M - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,523 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 5 - Published: 4/2/2010
Tea For Two by TruthxLiesxMagic reviews
Oneshot. Because sometimes the only way to bear what life brings is to allow the madness to take hold completely. Morbid H/A.
Alice in Wonderland, 2010 - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 654 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/23/2010 - Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp, Alice K. - Complete
Dora of the Rings by Jasonbobdude reviews
Dora the Explorer is chosen to take the One Ring to Mordor. As a little bonus, all of the dialogue is in iambic pentameter!
Crossover - Lord of the Rings & Dora the Explorer - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 656 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/2/2010 - Gandalf - Complete
fool me once, fool me twice by hyacinthian reviews
Their official story, on the record, is that they don't have a story, but their non story spans months, years. BarneyRobin.
How I Met Your Mother - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,281 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 159 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/20/2010 - Barney S., Robin S. - Complete
Harry Potter turns to the Lord by Saint Abraham reviews
Harry Potter is plagued by foul dreams, and in his search, finds the one true meaning.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,343 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 15 - Published: 5/31/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
The Perfect Woman by idioticonion reviews
A series of stories, each one inspired by an episode of How I Met Your Mother Season 4 starting, not surprisingly, with Episode 1.
How I Met Your Mother - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 23 - Words: 23,589 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 5/19/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Barney S., Robin S. - Complete
Eighteen by Estora reviews
Breaking Dawn spoilers, dark themes, canon-compliant. Renesemee 'Nessie' Cullen has just turned seven. Or eighteen. Or whatever the hell you want to call it.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,508 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 423 - Follows: 26 - Published: 3/23/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Jacob - Complete
Desperation by idioticonion reviews
As Robin continues without a job, she gets more and more depressed and she develops damaging behavior that she doesn't even bother to hide from her friends. When Barney tries to help her, Ted steps in to rescue them both. AU from 4.13.
How I Met Your Mother - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,045 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Published: 2/6/2009 - Ted M., Robin S. - Complete
Four times Barney Stinson ran and once he didn't by idioticonion reviews
Five drabbles with the theme of running. Spoilers for seasons 1-4, written after 4.12 Benefits
How I Met Your Mother - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,111 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Barney S. - Complete
The Marvelous Ambition of Inanimate Objects by Angeliz reviews
This is a crackfic, and that was a warning. This was my prompt: "Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Neil Patrick Harris and Barack Obama. The story should use starting a band as a plot device!" Hope you enjoy.
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,578 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 19 - Published: 11/13/2008 - Dr. Horrible/Billy - Complete
What If? by bearfuck reviews
What if the companion cube had been a sentient being? Oneshot, quite short. CCxGLaDOS, something of a stalkerfic. All from GLaDOS's POV.
Portal - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 464 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 16 - Published: 10/26/2008 - Complete
moves in mysterious ways by Lisse reviews
Sometimes the prey evolves, or at least learns how to issue restraining orders. Metafic.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,329 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 538 - Follows: 42 - Published: 6/18/2008 - Bella - Complete
Phoenix's Life by Genkai Lady reviews
A short and rebellious alternate ending to the 5th book.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 535 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/26/2004

Finding Love reviews
Bella and Edward have been best friends since she can remember. But then she feels something for him that might change that friendship. AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,840 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Complete
Unforgivable reviews
Twilight AU. Edward can't stop himself from giving in to his thirst, and attacks Bella. Luckily, Alice and Emmett are there to stop him from killing her...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,628 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 10/19/2008 - Published: 10/17/2008
Victory from Failure reviews
AU. Edward just couldn't stay away. Jacob and Bella aren't BFFs. Basically what I wish would have happened in New Moon.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,261 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 10 - Published: 10/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Heaven At Last reviews
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,103 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Complete
Deep Secrets reviews
The guys are out, and Alice wants to play a game. Unfortunately, Bella knows that the only game Alice will play is one that will embarrass Bella...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,097 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 8 - Published: 9/10/2008 - Complete
Werewolves and Their History reviews
The Sequel to A Fateful TV Show. Jacob has proved to be very good for Bella, and Charlie know it. But what happens when they all sit down to watch another TV show? It's not necessary to read the other one first, but I recommend it.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,143 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Published: 9/9/2008 - Complete
A Fateful TV Show reviews
Charlie, worried about Bella, asks her to watch Tv with him. Unfortunately, his father/daughter time causes an unintended reaction from Bella. Takes place during New Moon.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,239 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 4 - Published: 9/9/2008 - Bella, Charlie S. - Complete
Together reviews
Bella and Edward's first time. Takes place after Eclipse, but before Breaking Dawn. Rated M just in case.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,957 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 11 - Published: 9/9/2008 - Complete
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