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MPs count the cost of filthy lucre

Sir Ian Kennedy of Ipsa seems to have the political acumen of a slow loris
George Osbrne
George Osborne answers questions about MPs’ expenses from the Treasury select committee in the House of Commons. Photograph: PA

MPs were all debating their pay rise, so generously offered by Sir Ian Kennedy of Ipsa, a man who seems to have the political acumen of a slow loris. Our legislators were in two groups: those who were delighted to be getting the extra moolah, with all the blame attached to an independent body. And those who dreaded chats with their constituents, and so insisted they themselves would not take the money.

There was some grandstanding. Next it will be: "I shall live in a half-demolished slum and subsist on the contents of food recycling bins, while my wife sells the Big Issue and my daughter becomes a barefoot match girl." Or: "I shall sleep in a gutter and eat empty walnut shells rather than take this disgraceful pay rise."

For example, Labour's Steve McCabe called the rise "a fantasy proposal", while Andrew Lansley, the Tory leader of the House, seemed to be telling him to man up and accept the money like a soldier. "We do not have a say. Ipsa has the say," he declared crisply.

In a committee room, George Osborne was also tackled about MPs' expenses by Labour's Teresa Pearce. The maximum benefit claim allowed for a one-bedroom flat in London was £250, she said, whereas MPs could claim £350 for the same. Was that fair? The chancellor slid past that like an Indian snake side-stepping a mongoose. "I want to reduce the cost of politics, but I also want to reduce the cost of welfare," he said, in one of those magnificently resonant and entirely meaningless formulations politicians love. The session with the Treasury committee didn't go too badly for him. The chairman, the Tory Andrew Tyrie, still addresses him like an Oxford don who wonders why he has to waste time with this second-rate student, but Osborne himself is more confident. He has accepted that he won't be invited back for a glass of madeira with the clever students, and he doesn't care any more.

Labour MPs tackled him over his wildly inaccurate forecasts. He replied with a curious formulation. It didn't matter that the forecasts were wrong, because they were not his forecasts; they came from the Office of Budget Responsibility.

Their wrong forecasts were not political forecasts, he implied, but honest mistakes. Apparently this will reassure the public. And as for food banks, these did not indicate that people were poorer. "Maybe more people are using them because more people are aware of them."

Or, by the same token, "more people are sleeping in Sanyo boxes because we can all can afford giant screen televisions." But none of this matters, for as he said in a magnificently smug aside: "Opposition to what I am doing is crumbling!"

Soon afterwards, the chancellor addressed a lunch, getting his own back on Barack Obama for the "Jeffrey" mistake, by calling him "whotsisname". He also addressed the vital topic of the posh hamburger he was seen eating the other day.

He said he hadn't gone to McDonalds because they had run out of McLobster. With Ipsa's new salaries in place, it will be McLobster every day, with McFoie Gras and Dom Perignon shakes.

• This article was amended on 12 July 2013. An earlier version said Teresa Pearce had said the maximum benefit claim for a one-bedroom flat in London was £200.

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