Craving Comfort?

Relax, renew and recharge


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When times are tense, when I'm brittle with anxiety, I get into bed with a cup of green tea. I pull up the covers and read adventure books set in the Himalayas or Antarctica, books about survival, about brave men on a quest freezing their digits off, their nostrils clogged with the soggy deer hair used in making pre-miracle-fiber anoraks. I snuggle up, warm and toasty, knowing my toes will never turn black. I'll read Jon Krakauer's Everest account, Into Thin Air, or Alfred Lansing's Endurance. I'll read about Roald Amundsen or Admiral Robert Edwin Peary. Lives are on the line, but here I am, safe under heavy blankets with my hot green tea. Reading these particular books plunges me into an alternate reality. I lose myself in against-all-odds exploration, and the present disappears.

But before I can lose myself, I have to find the one thing women rarely have, even when life chugs smoothly. I have to find time alone. Time to nurture myself. But let's say you can steal some time: Why do so many women find it hard to justify nurturing themselves? Why do they seem to need permission? Is it because women are so used to nurturing everybody else? Perhaps you're someone who needs that permission to be good to you. If you are, consider this: If it's true that a family is only as happy as the mother, making ourselves feel better isn't selfish -- it's an obligation. How can we reassure the people we love if we're edgy and overwrought? Before we can take care of our family's emotional needs, we must be strong ourselves.

How then to recharge? There's no universal way. One woman's yoga class is another woman's gardening. What's important is tuning in to what gives you peace.

Finding Peace of Mind

GH Readers share their feel-better ideas:

  • I've stopped waiting for the house to look "better" and started inviting friends over.

  • I'm ironing more: Normally to be avoided at all costs, it's now deeply satisfying. Spray, steam, press...I love watching my hard work make the wrinkles disappear. Order restored.

  • After September 11, I went out and bought toys -- a paddleball, a Slinky, Silly Putty...all things that remind me of the safety I felt as a child.

  • My kids and I find that spending more time together, doing simple things with one another, helps us cope. This means going to church more often as a family and putting aside our petty differences to work together in the yard or around the house.

  • I've been letting the cat sleep with me, even if it means getting up to let her out at 4am.

  • We turn off the TV (my husband does so reluctantly!) and listen to classical music.

  • I'm learning calligraphy. The practice required is very repetitive, which helps me focus on something besides the TV news.

  • I love spending an afternoon at the zoo with my daughter and 12-month-old grandson. We find peace in all the beautiful animals God created.

  • Instead of CNN, I'm watching Animal Planet.

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