Tina Fey Is a Movie Star, Goddammit

Or maybe just her director is? Also this weekend, the kraken marches farther and farther away, Tyler Perry continues to investigate his (non-existent) marriage, and Jay Baruchel might soon become enormous.

1) Date Night — $27.1M
Even though final numbers aren't in and this could be knocked off the top slot, Tina Fey and company have reason to celebrate. Mostly, Shawn Levy has reason to celebrate. There were all these articles about him before the movie came out, calling him the golden boy of family-friendly movietainment and whatnot. It was a lot to live upto! And, so far, his latest movie has delivered. So good for him. Too bad he came across as sort of an asshole in the interviews. Though, you probably would too if you made Cheaper by the Dozen and Just Married and now they're paying you $10 million a picture. You kinda got there by being an asshole, so you might as well stay one.

2) Clash of the Titans — $26.8M
Dropping a big-ish 56% in its second weekend, Titans could still end up taking the number one position. Still though, this is probably not going to have Alice in Wonderland-style longevity. No, it'll just clash off over the horizon and disappear, subsumed by all the other rattling and clanking and yelling of summer movies. And one August night, one of those blue-black nights right before it stops feeling like summer will never end, some friends will be up too late, on a porch or huddled illicitly in a park, and someone will be telling a story and he will end it with "release the Kraken!" and everyone will laugh and briefly remember April, or was it May, and then they will move on, the night will prod along, and pretty soon school will start again and then we'll all be one year older.

3) How to Train Your Dragon — $25.3M
You train it to do well its first weekend but, admittedly, slightly disappoint. Then you train it to wait and lurk patiently, in its cave or dragon-house or wherever it lives, and then the next weekend? It does only slightly less well! Well, how you train it do that, I don't know. But if you train it like that, this is what will happen. It will only slip a minuscule 13% from week to week, which could hint at a long, dragony box office career. And if you are Jay Baruchel, you nervously anticipate the release of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, because if that does well too you just might be big all of a sudden. Big as a dragon!

4) Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too? — $11M
So why did they get married? Is it because they were in love? Was there a baby on the way? Are any of them trying to hide something? That last one. I'm sure Tyler Perry wouldn't know anything about that. I mean, he's not married! Confirmed bachelor. So far. Who writes and directs a lot of movies for/about ladies. And does drag. And is friends with Oprah, Janet Jackson, and Will Smith. Ahem. I'm curious for the next movie, Why Didn't I Get Married? That ought to answer a lot of questions.

5) The Last Song — $10M
Try as you might to thwart or destroy her, Miley Cyrus will always prevail. She is unkillable. I don't know if you've seen it, but in Clash of the Titans when they say "release the Kraken!", Miley Cyrus comes out and wails a high note from "The Climb" and everyone falls over, stunned. At the end of Why Did I Get Married Too: The Quickening, Tyler Perry's character points to Miley Cyrus and says "That's why I got married" and Sharon Leal is like "Mmmhmm..." And in How to Train Your Dragon the best dragon is the one Billy Ray Cyrus has trained and it's Miley. Miley is so powerful that she has even managed to destroy young girls forever. This is one talented, victorious motherfucker. Well, not motherfucker.