EMPTY CHAIR GORDY: Comedy starring Gordy the Pig, Doug Stone, Deborah Hobart, Kristy Young. Directed by Mark Lewis (G. 89 minutes. At the Kabuki).

'Gordy," a story about a talking piglet who becomes a corporate chief executive, goes from being a novelty to just plain weird. The movie, opening today at the Kabuki and other Bay Area theaters, is for kids, but it will have a lot of them squealing impatiently.

The film opens on a farmyard scene in Arkansas, pig heaven, where two bumpkins in a pickup come to cart away a hog, a sow and their several squealing piglets to the stockyards, thence to the slaughterhouse.

The little piglet named Gordy is out playing in a field, but returns to see his fat old dad being driven away. Crying out, Gordy runs after him, his tiny legs going like egg beaters, the itty-bitty hooves plinking on pavement.

The pigs are being "taken up north, where pigs go" (and never come back), so Gordy sets out to catch up with his kin. He meets up with a cute girl named Jinnie Sue (newcomer Kristy Young, the light of the film) and her country singer dad, Luke, played by country music star Doug Stone, a lanky, deep-voiced guy with pleasant hayseed good looks.

They give Gordy a ride into Missouri, where Gordy meets a boy named Hanky (Michael Roescher), grandson of Henry Royce (Ted Manson), who is CEO of one of America's largest companies, Royce Industries. The conglomerate makes cereal, soda and sausages, among other things. The singer, Luke, meets Hanky's pretty mom, Jessica, and there's a spark of flirtation between them.

One thing leads to another, including the ability of young Hanky and Gordy to talk to each other, and Gordy winds up being the CEO of the St. Louis-based Royce empire. A lot of the film deals with the marketing strategies of the company -- Gordy is used as a corporate logo and "spokespig" -- and the tedious attempts by an ambitious PR man to take over the company. It's unlikely kids will feel there's much at stake.

"Gordy's" strongest suit is the piglet's determination to reunite with his family, and that part of the convoluted plot develops into a folksy comic effort as Jinnie Sue, her dad, Hanky and Gordy race to save the family of pigs from becoming sausages. One would think the pork industry would be livid about this film as it portrays pig slaughter as an outrageous evil. The highlight comes when Gordy jumps into a backyard swimming pool -- piglets really are cutest when they put their little trotters together and dive -- and saves Hanky from drowning.

Generally speaking, time would be better spent with "Charlotte's Web" than this forgettable hogwash.