


What is anger?




How does anger work?


How do our bodies respond to anger?




Why do we get angry?


Reasons for getting angry include:

  • facing a threat to ourselves or our loved ones
  • being verbally or physically assaulted
  • being interrupted when pursuing a goal
  • losing out when money is at stake
  • someone going against a principle that we consider important
  • being treated unfairly and feeling powerless to change this
  • feeling disappointed by someone else or in ourselves
  • having our property mistreated.



How do people behave when they are angry?

"When someone physically threatened my daughter when she was a newborn I exploded. I got a real physical sense of something being different that I haven’t experienced before or since."

Anger isn’t always negative. It can be a force for good. Moral outrage can drive people to campaign for change, right wrongs and enforce the rules that govern our society.

People often think of anger and aggression as the same thing, but they aren’t. Anger is an emotional state and aggression is just one of the ways that people behave when they are angry. Aggression often takes over when people act on their instinct to protect themselves or others. Alcohol can make some people act more aggressively and drug use can similarly lower our inhibitions.

People often express their anger verbally. They may:

  • shout
  • threaten
  • use dramatic words
  • bombard someone with hostile questions
  • exaggerate the impact on them of someone else's action.

Some people who are angry get their own back indirectly by making other people feel guilty and playing on that guilt. Others develop a cynical attitude and constantly criticise everything, but never address problems constructively.

Some people internalise their anger. They may be seething inside and may physically shake, but they don’t show their anger in the way they behave when they are around other people.

People who internalise their anger may self harm when they are angry as a way of coping with intense feelings they can’t express another way. This may give temporary relief from the angry feelings, but it doesn’t solve the problems in the long-term.

What kind of problems can be linked to anger?


Long term and intense anger has been linked with mental health problems including depression, anxiety and self-harm. It is also linked to poorer overall physical health as well as particular conditions, such as:

  • high blood pressure
  • colds and flu
  • coronary heart disease
  • stroke
  • cancer
  • gastro-intestinal problems.

How can managing my anger help me?

"If I could have expressed my anger more openly and constructively it would have been less damaging to me. Otherwise you carry the hurt with you."

Most people get angry quite often, but their anger is within a normal and healthy range. Other people experience anger frequently and intensely enough for it to interfere with their everyday life.

Both sets of people can benefit from learning how to deal with their anger more effectively. There’s lots of evidence to suggest that managing your anger in a healthy way can help people look after their mental and physical health, feel more positive about themselves, achieve their goals, solve problems and enjoy relationships with the people around them.

Anger can lead you to action, or even violence, you will regret. Bottling up your anger for a long time isn’t a good thing either. It’s important to deal with anger and move on, not let it stew inside you.

How can I manage my own anger?

Buy time



  • Count to ten before you act.
  • Imagine yourself in a relaxing scene.
  • Pour out how you feel in writing or redirect your energy into another creative activity.
  • Offload to a friend who will help you get perspective on the situation.



Be assertive

Being assertive is a healthy way to express anger. Take ownership of the situation and your feelings.

  • Tell people that you are feeling angry and why.
  • Talk slowly and clearly.
  • Use the word "I" to make it about you, not about them.
  • Make requests rather than demands or threats.
  • Say "I could" and "I might" instead of "I must" or "I should".

Good communication skills can help you get your message across. Keep the lines of communication open. Listen to other people's point of view. Assuming you know where they stand can create a problem where there is none and escalate a situation from bad to worse.

Know yourself

"Now I can control it. I just think 'For goodness sake'. I recognise the situation for what it is."

In the longer term, it can be really helpful to work out what makes you angry and how it makes you behave. Think about it when you're not feeling angry. Talk it through with someone who you trust and who knows you well.

  • What triggers your anger?
  • What signs tell you that you're on the brink of uncontrolled anger?
  • Have you fallen into any unhelpful patterns of behaviour?
  • What have the consequences been?
  • What works to calm you down?
  • Are there any triggers in your daily routine or your environment that you could change?

Protect your mental health

People in good mental health are better able to cope when things go wrong; feeling stressed makes it harder for us to cope with problems. The following are some of the things known to be good for our mental health.

  • Keep physically active.
  • Eat a balanced diet - some foods are more effective than others at supplying us with a steady flow of fuel to help us function well, while nutrients found in certain foods can affect mood in different ways.
  • Drink sensibly, however tempted you may be to improve your mood with a drink or by using drugs.
  • Keep in touch with friends and loved ones – talk about your feelings with them and ask for help when you need it.
  • Take time to relax and enjoy yourself.
  • Accept who you are and do something you’re good at.
  • Care for others.

"Now I play the drums. It’s a very good way of dealing with my anger. Then I feel worked up, I think 'I'm just going to pound something for a few hours.' It works really quickly. It takes my mind off it and then I just enjoy playing."

How can I deal with other people's anger?

Being on the receiving end of anger or just being a witness to it can be tough. If other people's anger is having a bad effect on you, you shouldn't have to put up with it.

Anger tends to be catching, but staying calm yourself can help both of you. If you get angry as well, things can quickly escalate.

  • Bear in mind the tactics that calm people down - use them yourself and remind the other person what can help them relax or distract themselves.
  • Help them to consider why they are angry and encourage them to explain it to you calmly.
  • Explain that sometimes anger is justified, but it can also make people lose perspective - unnecessary aggression makes things worse.

It may help to take yourself away from an angry person. Give them time to cool down, wait a few minutes, then talk to them when they seem less agitated and may be more able to look at the situation neutrally.

No one needs to put up with violence. If you are afraid or feel threatened by someone's anger, you should ask for help. If you have been assaulted, call the police.

Where can I go for further help?

If you are worried about your own anger or another aspect of your mental health, go to your GP is a good place to start. They may be able to suggest ways you can manage your anger yourself or they may refer you for further support. You may be able to get help on the NHS or, if you can afford it, pay for it yourself.

Talking therapies such as counselling or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can help people explore what makes them angry, work out why anger has become a problem for them and learn how to change the way they respond to the situations that typically make them angry. Talking therapies are usually provided over a course of several weeks or months.

Anger management courses often involve counselling and group work with other people with similar problems. The courses take place either over a day or a weekend or in sessions over a period of weeks.

Domestic violence programmes help people whose anger leads them to violence against members of their family. They usually help people take responsibility for their actions and understand their impact on those close to them. They may also ask people to change other parts of their life such as addressing any problems with alcohol or drugs.

Local support groups can be a way for people with a problem in common to share their experiences and support and encourage each other to change their behaviour. They may be led by someone who has themselves had a problem with anger in the past.

Faith leaders or others of the same community can help people reflect and get perspective on a situation that has made them angry. They will help set the situation in the context of the values that the faith follows.

Anger management courses


Talking therapies

You can find more information about talking therapies and how to find a therapist on our information page.


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