Dear Abby: As Veterans Day approaches, may I share a few guidelines that can be helpful when interacting with veterans/service members?

1. It is never OK to ask a veteran if he/she has killed someone or to joke about it. If we have, we can't even talk about it with our spouses, much less a stranger.

2. When you thank us for our service or pay for our meal, it is really appreciated. We also appreciate packages and notes.

3. Please don't tell us that wars are a waste of dollars or lives or were fought for oil.

4. Many of us now have PTSD. If you see us acting anxious or moving away from crowds, turning our backs to the wall or fidgeting, simple kindness or a little distraction will be appreciated. Talk to us about something interesting and give us breathing room.

5. Please remember that 15 percent of those who serve in the military are women, and some have been in combat. It's better to ask, "Are you a veteran?" rather than, "Was your husband a soldier?"

6. As with anyone with a disability, please do not stare at us. Please also understand that war injuries today are different than in the past and are often not visible. It is not OK to tell someone they "don't look disabled" or appear to need help. Those of us with disabilities appreciate light conversation and assistance if we look like we are in need.

It was my pleasure to serve our country.

-- Amanda C., Disabled Veteran

Dear Amanda C.: Thank you for your service. And thank you, too, for your helpful suggestions, which are sure to be appreciated not only by civilians but also by active and retired members of our military.

Readers, as the war in Afghanistan winds down, thousands of service members are returning home and entering the job market. Please, if possible, honor their dedication and sacrifice by doing your part and providing them with employment.

Dear Abby: I'm afraid I'm an abusive girlfriend. When I get mad at my boyfriend, I yell at him and call him names. Sometimes I hit him. Even though he really makes me angry, I do love him.

I'm not crazy, but I don't know how to control myself.

I don't want to go to counseling or group classes. I also have jealousy issues. What can I do?

-- Problem Girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend: Your concern is justified because you are abusive. I applaud your growing self-awareness, but it is important that you understand why you are behaving this way so you can stop. While you may not like the idea of counseling or anger-management classes, it would be better if you went voluntarily rather than one day having them court-mandated.
