SG: Funny you should mention this. I was watching "The Program" a few weeks ago, and not only were the Giambi/Lattimer similarities downright eerie but James Caan's character was a dead ringer for Joe Torre -- a little bit over the hill, a little too calm, as though he knows he's involved in something horrible but he can't help it. I can't wait to watch this Giambi Saga play out -- if he's back on the juice, this could make the Palmeiro Saga look like child's play by comparison. If he's not on the juice, it's a fantastic comeback story and should immediately be made into a movie for ESPN (with Sean Astin as the Giambino).

One thing's for sure: There has never been a more compelling fantasy sports saga. As I mentioned in April, my buddy Hench and I paid $8 for him in our AL-only league, with Hench pointing to Giambi's name after the draft and predicting "There's the key to our team." By mid-May, we were ready to waive him and possibly even have him murdered. Now he's one of the biggest steals in our league. When the trading deadline rolled around last week, we had the inevitable "Should we trade him now in case he fails another drug test?" conversation, ultimately deciding, "Screw it, we're already playing with the house's money with the Giambino, let's see how long this can last!"

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes
It's only a matter of time before "going postal" is replaced by "in Cruise control".

Q: I'm starting to watch Tom Cruise on the news like I would watch a postseason overtime hockey game: Scared to blink for fear I'll miss something totally, utterly unforgettable.
-- Kevin Lee, Morristown, N.J.

Q: Doesn't Cruise remind you a lot of Col. Kurtz from "Apocalypse Now"? People have told him what he wants to hear for so long he is starting to believe his rants himself? Maybe they could remake the movie and cast Cruise as Kurtz and have Brooke Shields cut his head off?
-- Ben, Missoula, Mont.

SG: As you can see, we had a tie for this month's "Tom Cruise has gone insane" e-mail of the month.

Q: Which do you think we'll see first, a female president or a female head coach of an NBA, MLB, NFL or NHL team?
--Matt Skelly, Hadley, Mass.

SG: What would I rather see? That's easy -- a female NHL coach. How would she dress? What would her mullet look like? Would she end up looking like a mustache-less Jeff Foxworthy wearing Paula Poundstone's clothes? At the very least, let's dress Barry Melrose up in drag for a few games and give this idea a test run.

What will we see? That's easy -- a female president. If you don't think Hillary Clinton will be running the country in four years, you're crazy. Ever been stuck in a room full of women when they decide on something ridiculous like "Andie McDowell has been the most beautiful woman in Hollywood for the past 15 years" and they will absolutely stick together until the death when you're posing counterarguments? Well, I think that's how the 2008 election is going to unfold -- Hillary is going to be Andie McDowell-ed right into the presidency. If she becomes president, that means any woman can become president. It's too important not to vote for her. So they'll vote for her.

(And just for the record, I probably will, too -- I miss having Bill Clinton around. Imagine having him on tour as the First Man? How much trouble could he get into? It would be just as if he was the president again, only without any responsibility. Think about it -- even when he did have responsibility, the whole Lewinsky debacle happened. As the First Man? Anything's possible.)

Q: So Eddy Curry's heart is apparently one of the 14 body parts the NBA's insurer won't cover. What are the other 13? The obvious ones are Grant Hill's ankle, Ilgauskas' feet, Mourning's kidney and Webber's knee. What else? Shaq's waistline? Spree's fists? Nowitzki's hair?
--Steve, San Francisco


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