John McCain and Miss Congeniality

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on October 02, 2008 at 3:50 PM, updated October 02, 2008 at 4:10 PM

He was never elected "Miss Congeniality in the Senate."

John McCain wanted to make that perfectly clear as he sought election for a less-fictitious title at Friday night's debate.

Which begs the question: Why wasn't the friendly Republican elected?

First, let's look at the definition of Miss Congeniality. Perhaps tellingly, the only Web definition for this award can be found at the Miss USA Wikipedia page for special awards (link to: and describes the prize as given to the candidate who "reflects the respect and admiration of the delegate's peers."

The slightly less scientific entry for "congenial" from the folks at Merriam- Webster attaches to the adjective synonyms like "kindred," "pleasant" and "sociable."

McCain, at least, knows himself well.

So who is this mystery senator, Miss Congeniality and why does the GOP nominee fear her title so much? More importantly, why did he pull the old Phoenix swap and pick the most smilingly annoying woman to ever spend $15 million on a hockey rink?

Well, most likely the congeniality maiden is Senator Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.). Every year the beltway magazine, the "Washingtonian," secretly polls top congressional aides for its list of "Best and Worst of Congress" (link to: Senator Lincoln nabbed the top-spot for nicest this year. Michigan's own Debbie Stabenow hit third on the list, but her number two spot in the Clueless category bumped her out of my analysis.

So McCain clearly falters in the congeniality race. But he needn't worry, because -- in a crisis -- his book-banning, wolf-skinning, Goose-to-his-Maverick running mate can snowshoe over to Russia and charm the Ushanka off any Trotskyite that so much as looks at America sideways. God bless proximity.