The concerned swamp monsters over at Fox & Friends did a little profile in courage this morning, focusing on a young woman named Hannah Lucas who is saying NO to B. H. Obama's healthier school food initiatives.

The Missouri high school student did a satellite chat with the bewigged slab of fried rice pudding known as Gretchen Carlson, in which Carlson pointed out all the ridiculous new demands the gub'mint is placing on schools. Like regulating salt, making smaller portions, and removing enormous tubs of ketchup. The ketchup (and mustard) bit frustrates Patriot Lucas the most, as it used to be that she and her vinegar-soaked friends enjoyed "piling it on," but now they're only given five measly ketchup packets each and told to cough up 30¢ for every additional packet beyond that. Only five?? That's outrageous.

To protest this measure, Lucas and her pals decided to boycott school lunches and bring their own from home instead. I'm assuming their home lunches consist of Gladware tubs full of ketchups and relishes and various sour mustards, and that they gleefully, and civically, tuck into their condiment soups every lunch period, proud to be fighting back. In this country we don't want the government giving us healthcare. But we do want our public schools giving us ketchup.

Really, though, Lucas just wants ketchup because she's a stupid teenager and isn't really trying to be political about it. That angle is mostly coming from Gretchen, because if she doesn't feel like she's ginned up enough fake controversy every morning she gets a case of "the pointies" and has to go home and punish herself by locking herself in her needle closet for an hour. Mr. Ailes says so.