Reviews for Twilight's Destiny
MoonlightStar777 chapter 3 . 7/11/2013
Italicized, it's spelled Italicized,
Update SooN!
I hope she doesn't go thorugh with helping MX...
Ayu Yui chapter 3 . 1/2/2013
aaahh please update, this is getting good!
I love Ven 3
Taliax chapter 2 . 8/10/2012
Hey look, I'm finally getting around to reviewing this! *sweatdrop*

"I'm just learning how to summon my Keyblade Glider." - Hmm, from the way it looked in BbS, Ven didn't know how to summon his glider until he saw Terra do it. /isbeingnitpicky

""Aqua, Ventus is allowed to come. In fact, he needs to. Darkness will use any means necessary to grab a hold of your heart, and being unprepared gives it a great advantage," Master Eraqus says, managing to bring in yet another warning against the Darkness." Yup, that's Master Eraqus. Always slipping in anti-darkness propaganda, no matter what the situation. :P I'm 100% on the side of light, but it's still amusing just how much he talks about darkness being evil and all that, even though it's completely true.

"Bruises mottle her face and arms, turning her skin an ugly yellow green, a sploth of purple here and here. Her black, silver streaked hair is matted with blood. A jagged wound travels directly over her right eye, but it doesn't look like it will seriously impair her eye sight. I hope. It'll defidently scar, though." *wince* Master Xehanort shows no mercy... I'm glad descriptions of blood don't make me sick. (Seeing something like that would make me puke, though.)

"He's pushing against the girl, trying to peel her off him." heh, I can so see Vanitas doing that. :P

"But who would willingly teach someone to use Darkness as a weapon? It doesn't make sense. Darkness is bad... Right? So why would anyone try to teach someone how to use it?" Answer 1: Xehanort. Answer 2: 'Cause he's an evil idiot. Well, actually, he's too smart for his own good... *wants to punch Xehanort in the face*

"But I feel some connection, some familiarity tugging on te edge of my mind. I've never met her, but... I feel as though I have." Is that because she knew Vanitas?

"I needed the practice. It's been too long since any of us have gotten hurt; you're all so good. I haven't had to heal anyone for a while. I'll be fine." I like those lines a lot for some reason.

"Wait... Then why did he ask if there is a room if he already knew there is?" Because Master Eraqus is strange?

"I lean back to brace my weight against her's on the stairs, praying that I won't fall backwards." Yeah, falling backwards down the stairs while holding a severely injured person... probably not gonna end well.

"I trudge the rest of the way up the steps, wondering why the original builders of this place decided to make the floors so far apart from each other. Surely they thought someone would get hurt and have to be carried up to the bedrooms. Which are on the third floor." XD Inconvenent architechture is inconvenient.

"Using my awesome Keyblading ninja skills to wrestle open the door, I manage to not drop her." XD XD XD I like Ven's narrating style.

"I vow to diligently keep vigil until Onix wakes up. ... Then I sit down, vowing to diligently keep vigil until Onix wakes up." Oh, Ven. XP

Aww, Ven being depressing. 3:

I enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully I'll be less of a slowpoke in getting to the next one. C:
Peppermint-n-Spice chapter 3 . 8/3/2012
Italicized?... I... don't... know... 0.0

Gawd dawn it! I thought that the split twilight heart thingy was cool, but I was gonna use it in my story. Lol, oh wells. I'll come up with something else, I guess. ›u‹

Lol, Ventus is cute, and Onix is hilarious. X) ...well, not her situation. It's quite serious, actually. I'll stop texting. -.-

Till next time! ;)

Stella Rose-chan chapter 1 . 6/19/2012

I have to say, I'm really enjoying this. Right now, I've only read the first chapter, but I'm definitely going to read more later!

The plot is really good and I absolutely love your writing style. And I do like your OC too!

It's kind of strange having Vanitas act sort of friendly, but you got it down. Anyways, keep up the good work! :D

Taliax chapter 1 . 6/11/2012
I don't own KH either... *sulks with you*

Some advice I got from a professional author: Dragging out the suspenseful parts is a good thing, because readers read faster during the suspenseful parts and you don't want it to be over before they completely understand what's going on. Or something like that. I'm paraphrasing. xP Anyway, it doesn't seem to drag on or anything.

'dangerous looking sword like thingey.' XD I like your OC's narrating style.

'Supposedly a little weakling like you can.' Yup, sounds like Vani alright.

'The Blade begins in silver at the three toothed top, and travels down. About halfway down the neck the silver fades into darkness. A one sides handle with spikes on the outside guards my hand as I draw it back to rest by my side. Shadows flicker over the boy's face as the black tinted silver fire twists around the blade and curls around my fist.' Can you do fanart of this? It sounds awesome-looking.

'He's obviously had more fighting expierence than me. I've had... Let's see... None.' I like that - a lot of people Mary-Sueify their OCs by making them completely overpowered with tons of fighting experience.

'I tug on the handle, hoping it'll let go as easily as it went in. No such luck.' Heh, oops. *sweatdrop* That would not be a good position to be in with Vanitas around.

'I glance at Vanitas, desperately hoping it really is a test and he won't murder me.' Even in such a serious situation, her narrating style is amusing.

I like how she interacts with Vanitas, especially the bit about her being used to people laughing at her. Makes you wonder about her past.

'His eyes are as golden as Vanitas's, but somehow... colder. Where Vanitas's burned with anticipation and excitement, this man's held nothing but contempt.' Nice comparison there.

'The old man grins a very evil grin.' Pfft, like Xehanort could grin in a way that ISN'T evil. XD

I always wondered what Aqua was supposed to do, too. Vanitas called her a 'backup', but was she a backup for Ven or Terra? Either way that would be disgustingly awkward - either she has to merge with Vanitas, or get taken over by a creepy old man. o.O

'But he Master seems to have everything figured out.' 'he' is supposed to be 'the', right? *is OCD*

'I can actually swing my Keyblade now!' XD XD XD It makes sense how she doesn't realize how evil Xehanort is. I mean, even Eraqus, who absolutely hates darkness, didn't see it. Xehanort's pretty smart, which stinks for everyone else. :C

'I'm as impulsive as Vanitas when he comes into contact with chocolate. / Don't. Get. Vanitas. On. A. Sugar high. Ever.' XD XD XD XD *falls over laughing* On top of being hilarious, that helps me infer that they've become somewhat of friends over those few months.

'Not even thirty seconds in and he's already managed to get you. C'mon, Onix. You're better than that!

Shut up, me. You aren't helping.

So? You know the more agitated you are the stronger you get.

But I don't wanna use my darkness!' Heh, I love conversations inside people's heads. XD

It's cool how Onix has Vanitas's attacks memorized; they've had a lot of practice together apparently.

'countr-attacks' - missing an e. *more OCD*

'So we continue, me trying to attack him and Vanitas hurling insults and pain at me.' I like the wording of that sentence.

'My heart is divided though; I can feel it waging war against itself. Both sides influence my actions. It's so hard to keep me... Me.' I assume that would lead to a serious case of bi-polar-ism.

'His deadpan, look-at-me-I'm-so-serious voice makes me chuckle slightly.' XD

'Even if I've been here for several months already, me and Vanitas don't get along that well. But on occasion we manage to have a laugh or two. Usually him while he's calling me weak or wimpy or something or another.' Heh, I can picture that.

"Um... Well... I'm not very good at the whole comfort thing..." That's because you're a heart of pure darkness, Van. Sorry to break that to you. xP It's cute to see him try, though. I mean, if Ven can still get angry sometimes, then Van should be able to be nice sometimes, right?

'"You know I don't mean that, right?" / I scoff and roll my eyes. "No, you do. Don't bother lying."' Aww, that's sad and cute at the same time. :3

'Man, you are bipolar.

Shut up.' XD XD

'Vanitas has his helmet on, and his face is turned towards teh gound. he's not looking at me.' You spelled 'teh' instead of 'the' and 'he's' should be capitalized. *even more OCD*

I like this story so far, I'll try to not be lazy and review the other chapters soon!
NaturalDreamer chapter 3 . 6/6/2012
It's italicized. Very good chapter and oh noes! She lost her memories! *Gasp* Love the twist with her memories speaking with her. Very nice touch. There is one thing I would like to point out. At the beginning of this paragraph, you had some past and present tenses together in this one.

"It was well lit..."

I might be wrong, but that's the only thing I caught when reading this. Let me know if it's actually correct. Great job again.
Madeleine chapter 3 . 6/6/2012
NaturalDreamer chapter 2 . 5/29/2012
OH sh-...! jhfksdhfsi Never mind. w Anyway... DAMN! What happened? Those guys did it! *Points accusingly at the bad guys* Grr... I'm glad Onix is okay now. Wonder what her reaction is? Guess we'll find out in the next chapter.
ShadowofaHeart chapter 2 . 5/29/2012


Okay, I'm high... Anywho... Poor Onix...

Oh no. Ven's in charge... O_O"

And this is why KH needs elevators... XD

Awesome Keyblading ninja skillz... that's DEFINITELY what he has...

Lurved it! Ven is so sweet... and ridiculous...

Judging by her reaction to Xannie, this can't be good. For them. Definitely for us. XD

Madeleine chapter 2 . 5/29/2012
...Indeed, mhm... Yes I approve of this. I stamp this with the Big Sister Approval stamp. Your only mistakes were in the first time Aqua speaks. Your detail and writing style has improved greatly, and this story seems to be full of witty fun. Nice vocabulary. ...Now update again! It's not summer vacation for nothing! :) 3
The Weaver of Words chapter 2 . 5/29/2012
Hehe, awesome ninja skills, cute!
InsaneBunnyNinja chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
um.. I'm not exactly sure how to put this..but, sorry. it was just too...AWESOME! AND NOT JUST CAUSE UR MY BFF FOREVA! What are you sayin, crazy girl, wanting to be a better writer? YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER AND I CAN KEEP UP WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT KINGDOM HEARTS! gimmie more! more!
NaturalDreamer chapter 1 . 5/25/2012
*Sharp whistle* First time seeing a prologue this long. *Grins* You did an excellent job, my friend. I love the flow of the story. Very nice and thrilling. Hopefully, my story can be like that some day.

Keep up the good work! w
The Weaver of Words chapter 1 . 5/24/2012
Stuffs going down... I LIKE IT! :D
16 | Page 1 2 Next »