Bri Nara Production

My friend requested I bug the Akatsuki for Christmas again. I heard 'The 12 Pains of Christmas' shortly afterward. I am like 'YES. XD' I don't own the song, nor the Akatsuki. (Pulls out a stamp that says 'Property of Bri Nara') They won't hold still. -.-

Zetsu was stuck wandering around the forest outside the Akatsuki base. Pein ordered him to find a suitable tree to decorate. He was even armed with a chainsaw.

When he found a big-ass tree, he held up the chainsaw with twisted glee. That was until he heard the tree talk.

"Don't kill me, Zetty!"

Both halves said the same thing. "What the hell?"

"Dude, you're part-plant. Of course you can understand what the hell I'm saying. Don't kill me! I can teach you how to beat Kakuzu at poker!"

Zetsu thought for a moment before lowering the chainsaw. "Okay. I'll let you live as long as you teach me how to kick Kakuzu's ass at poker."

So Zetsu proceeded to the next tree.

"Zetsu, no! I'm your father!"

Next tree.

"No, I make maple syrup!"

Again and again and again.

"No! It hurts when you get cut down! It's as if I'm cutting your legs off!"

"What kind of monster kills his own freakin' kind?"

"Cut him over there!"

"GODDAMMIT! SHUT THE F_ UP!" Zetsu yelled. "That's it! We are buying a damn Christmas tree!"

Which is why Zetsu marched over to the nearest place to buy trees. It only made it worse.

"Yo! Zetsu-chan!"

"It's your cousin from Oklahoma!"

"Wanna climb me? You wanna? Come on, you know you want to!"


Pein looked at the thing in the 'Christmas tree corner'. "What the hell is this?"

It was a little dead-looking tree that was barely a foot high. And it had a Christmas ball hanging off of it.

"Your Christmas Tree, sir."

"Do I look like Charlie Brown? Go get me a decent freakin' Christmas tree!"

That year... the Akatsuki had a plastic Christmas tree.

Me: (evil grin) The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me~

Zetsu (duet): Is finding a Christmas Tree~! T_T