Digital Etiquette 101


Contact Methods

I'm going to veer away from my usual product reviews and home improvement advice to address a point of contention in our digital age - proper etiquette.  The line is becoming increasingly blurred between what is acceptable and what is not. What got me thinking about this was a traditional in-person invitation from my cousin Maddie to be in her bridal party. Not only did she take my sister and I out to dinner to "pop the question", she also presented us with cute candles with chalkboard surfaces on the outside that she had inscribed with, "Will you be my bridesmaid?" And as if that wasn't enough, she also wrote out thoughtful hand-written notes.  Her gestures were so tasteful and such a throwback to decency that I was beyond moved and it made me wonder in what situations is it OK to go the digital route, and in which is it not?  

Question: Is it OK for a guy to ask a girl out via text message?  

My answer: Absolutely not! Maybe after the relationship's been well established, but in the beginning, particularly for  a first date, a guy should call a gal to ask her out.  None of this SMS hogwash of, "You free Tuesday? Want to meet up for a drink at such and such?"  When I do get asked out by text, I respond with another text along the lines of, "Sounds good, why don't you call and we'll figure it out."  This puts the ball back in the guy's court and forces him to make the dreaded phone call.  I don't fault someone for sending a text message but I do like to set the tone early on as to how I like to conduct relationships.

Question: If you're trying to keep expenses down for a wedding, is it OK to send an electronic invitation?

My answer: While I know money's tight in this day and age, I think a wedding is still one event that warrants a proper invitation - by mail.  I do confess that I love the wedding websites that organize all of your details including hotel reservations for guests, registry information, and honeymoon plans.

Question: When do you call a game of phone tag over?

My answer: If both parties have tried twice - it's time to call it a draw and send an email!  You can avoid playing phone tag altogether by avoiding calling during meal times or by leaving a detailed message that makes a call back unnecessary .  

Question: You just left a job interview. What's the proper way to follow-up?

My answer: Cover all bases. Send an email the night or morning after the meeting. That way, if the interviewer is tech-savvy, he or she's received a quick indication that you're interested. But follow up with a hand-written note that reinforces that you're seriously interested, are responsible, and have good business etiquette.  Both thank you's should include a personal touch, commenting on something (but not the exact same thing) that came up in the meeting. Bottom line: Send something!

Question: When you get in a fight with a friend, do you email to make up or contact them?

My answer: While email allows you to freely speak your mind and formulate all your thoughts, if anything's misconstrued, there's no way to correct it and there's something to be said for the power of being there in the flesh. Making the time and effort to talk in person, shows your friend that you're in the relationship, care about his or her opinion, and are open to discussing things.

So that's my two cents! I'd love to hear yours.

For an expert's opinion, check out our Peggy Post column in every issue of Good Housekeeping or visit our online catalogue, Peggy Post Etiquette