Rednecks doing Yoga 7

by Rachel Haywire

What’s the difference between a redneck and a yoga-scenester?

Nothing. They are both degenerate subcultures. The yoga-scenesters think they are better than the rednecks, prancing themselves above those bigots and racists. Meanwhile, these people are just rednecks doing yoga. The rednecks and the yoga-scenesters are both stereotypes: characters that you see in a film or a YouTube parody: possessing their own variables of herd behavior. This very behavior is so noticeable that even jocks agree they are a lower species. Rednecks and yoga-scenesters are two sides of the same coin, harmoniously complimenting each other in an absurdist cartoon, representing the worst aspects of their respective political subgroups. Much like yoga-scenesters cannot embrace their inner bigot in a way that is not ironic, rednecks cannot embrace their inner flufftard in a way that is not sickening or desperate.

Why do people who are so similar hate each other? Perhaps they are looking into a mirror of their own degeneration, realizing that they too are a redneck doing yoga, and that nobody gives two sides of a fuck about them. The idea of saying anything positive about a redneck is instant social outgroup status, so yoga-scenesters wrestle with the redneck inside, forcing it into chains of irony. Perhaps. Yet hating the redneck is no different from hating the kike, spic, or nigger. It is a learned tribal behavior that gives one the thrill of hating the same thing as the other herd members. Most yoga-scensters do not realize this, which is why they will never stop being flufftards.

Of course there are rednecks who do yoga, and scenesters who are “down with the south,” but we usually only see these people in places like Williamsburg and Portland. These people, the postmodern artistes, display the disease becoming aware of its own implications. In a perfect world, yoga would not be a political issue. It would simply be a meditation practice. In a perfect world, rednecks would not be scenesters. They would simply be human. Instead, we have the state supporting yoga initiatives, and rednecks not even realizing this. Perhaps we are doomed.

If the yoga-scenesters and rednecks could join hands, realize their genetic differences, and form their own countries, perhaps I would not be writing this article. I find it mystifying that degenerate subcultures do not see their reflective opposites in plain view. Then again, I don’t want to cause another Civil War by even suggesting this. There is much repression in this culture of rednecks doing yoga. Form your own PC utopia, but don’t act like you you are better than those bigots and those racists. You want your own country of redneck elimination. You would put rednecks into concentration camps just to impress your friends.

The ignorance of the yoga-scenesters put them on the same level as the rednecks they despise. They might as well join the KKK.


  1. Is the state of mine one is in when one aims a rifle at a target a meditative state? What is your mind supposed to do when your body is doing “Breathe, aim, squeeze, shoot”?

    Perhaps the place where yoga-scenesters meet rednecks should be on a rifle range.

    BTW, one of those “state-sponsored” yoga iniiatives is sponsored by the Department of Defense.

    It is likely to become a general part of military training.

    Lots of rednecks serve in the military…

    Wouldn’t it be bizarre if those cultures inadvertently converged?

  2. I have no idea what a yoga-scenester is, but I know that rednecks devalue themselves by devaluing others through willful and sometimes violent ignorance. Rednecks are not just an annoying stereotype. They on occassion drag people to death behind their pickup trucks. I can’t imagine a yoga-scenester, whatever that is, or a hipster of any sort, doing violence to someone just because of their appearance.

  3. I think the author’s point here–that seems to have shot just slightly over your head (get it?)–is that bigotry isn’t exclusive to white southern males with straighter than your average family trees. Ironically, there’s probably more base ignorance and flat out contemptuous bigotry directed against such folks than the majority of them return, but that’s the way that our ingrained cultural prejudices jump from target to target over generations.

    Here’s an example of how this all works: ask yourself, why do you hate rednecks; how many of them have you actually met, or truly gotten to know? On the other hand, how often have you viewed that such slack-jawed yokel types are portrayed by various media sources as backwards, hate-mongering violent hillbilly savages just chomping with their four good teeth at the bit to pounce on, bludgeon, mutilate, kill and perhaps even sodomize (possibly in that order) anyone who’s different from themselves? Eh? And, let me ask you, who by and large controls “The Media” in all of its most popular forms? Why, the good people in Hollywood, of course. And who secretly controls Hollywood… The Jews!!

    Now do you get it? Or, did the subtlety of that argument once again shoot over your head? Hatred always finds a target, you see, but presents most nefariously by those looking to sanction it with popular thinking. Then there’s your more avant-garde “fringe” bigots, like myself, who magnanimously press ahead; we look beyond common prejudices of an era to move hatred along to the next source, often turning it directly against a prior source ironically, which we feel ought to somehow vindicate us. And, though it really doesn’t, its hard for a person to see with their head lodged so far up their own ass. Which is where the yoga part comes in to play. Yoga (in the western hemisphere, at least) is mainly a way for those like-minded, better than average sorts to sit around feeling good about themselves while they learn to be more flexible, thus making it both more comfortable and a little easier for one to breathe while the head is implanted firmly up the anus. I trust that will clear up any prior confusion. Good day.

  4. “Everyone sucks but me”

    (oooh – yeah – oh – oh – oh! stroke it baby!)

    You’re the third side of that sociological coin.

    (and perhaps I’m yet another side as we collectively stoke ourselves into oblivion at each others expense…)

    Psychological masturbation is the only true human condition.

  5. Good point ” bigotry isn’t exclusive to white southern maless”. Many secularists and PCer’s have just as many prejudices about southerners as some rednecks have about minorities, and it is ingrained in our minds by evolution to bond with a group of similar peers and collectively hate outsiders and PCer’s are not immune to this. I have never heard of a yoga-scenester though. Could someone explain exactly what their philosophy is?

  6. This is a little bit off the main point this article is making, but Google “scenester” and look at the google images and there are some pretty funny sites. humorously shows and mockingly describes the various hipsters and scenesters, while simaltaneuosly trying to sell you scenester clothing (It’s unfortunate but money can make even the biggest critic a supporter in a way).
    It’s all very amusing and sad. I’d be interested in reading a book or an essay on how these scenes all develop, spread, & evolve over time. I wonder if it is primarily teenagers and musicians in a hip city who start a new scene, some famous musicians or actors start getting involved, then corporations take advantage of it for money and it just spreads like a wildfire. One thing for sure is that corporations find a way to promote and profit off of it, and unfortunately because of globalization teenagers all over the world become a homogenized group of degenerate scenesters who think they are rebelling against the corporate world but are really only making the corporations richer. Look on Youtube and you can see rappers all over the world imitating the childish, materialistic hip hop American corporations have made popular.
    Once, out of boredom and curiosity, I decided to try to track various famous gangster rappers to the record execs. who discovered them and promoted them to the rest of the world. With every gangster rapper whose career I traced, I found a rich Jewish record exec as their discoverer. I was pretty surprised, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Some were only indirectly associated, for instance, 50 cent was made famous by Eminem, who was discovered by Dr. Dre, who, as part of NWA, was discovered by Jerry Heller. It’s sad and it makes you wonder, why did Heller chose a group of high school dropout gangster wanna-be’s to promote and not a Harvard educated African American rapper. Instead of simplistic rhymes about crack, violence, whores, & bling, we could be hearing musical poetry about philosophy, politics, & intelligent insights into everyday life. Thanks, Heller! Seriously, wouldn’t it be great if the intelligent content contained in the articles on this website were conveyed in the lyrics in popular music heard on the radio? The elites would never allow that to happen.
    Anyway, it’s 3 AM and I’m rambling

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