Pakistan, ban this!

The IT Ministry of Pakistan recently banned twitter for a short period of time because the platform was being used to conduct ‘blasphemous contests’.

The IT Ministry of Pakistan (yes, it has one :)) recently banned twitter for a short period of time because the platform was being used to conduct ‘blasphemous contests’. I feel that this is an extremely clever decision, and is as logical as killing a beloved leader of the community because of one small sin committed in his lifetime.

Here are a few more ideas for things that Pakistan can ban next. All of them involve otherwise useful things that are part of the Pakistani daily life. However, they all have that one application that doesn’t suit the Government, and therefore the whole platform must suffer.

1. Cricket in Pakistan: Cricket is a religion in Pakistan, just like in India. However, cricket has one additional compulsory component in Pakistan - that of match fixing. Every young player dreams of making it big one day, and being able to command $50,000 for one intentional no-ball. But this noble platform of cricket can also be used by one or two Pakistani players to actually play fair and not throw a match, and this cannot be tolerated.Hence, cricket should be banned immediately.

2. Bollywood: Bollywood movies are the one great unifier between Pakistan and India. Our actors and actresses are as popular there as they are here. And here lies the problem. Yes, these movies provide many priceless hours of entertainment to the common people there, but they might actually be committing the unpardonable sin of bringing the people of both countries together, and bridging the gap between our countries. Can any self-respecting Pakistani Government want this?

3. iPads and smartphones: These devices are useful, no doubt, but they have been used in a neighbouring country by MPs to watch porn. Hence, they must be banned not only from Pakistan but the entire world!

4. Pakistan Occupied Kashmir: PoK is something that Pakistan enjoys because it’s like the toy they stole from their sibling (India) and refuse to give back. However, the people of PoK don’t want to be occupied by Pakistan - they just want peace. Hence, they should be set free, to do whatever they like.

5. The US presence in Pakistani airspace: The US constantly breathing down Pakistan’s neck has its benefits - they are protected and assured that they will know about incoming missiles enough in advance to set their affairs in order before they are vaporized. But there is a huge disadvantage - occasionally, the US marines find people like Osama Bin Laden hiding in Pakistan. The potential embarrassment alone is enough for Pakistan to ban the US and embrace insecurity.

6. The Rupee: Again, the currency of Pakistan has served it well for many years, but it is, like Bollywood, a reminder of the shared origin of both India and Pakistan and a link between us. To sever this link, Pakistan must immediately change its currency to the renminbi. Not only will this add to the Indo-Pak estrangement, it will also strengthen the ties between China and Pakistan, something that is extremely important now that the US doesn’t seem to love Pakistan as much any more.

7. Politicians: Politicians are the same everywhere. Positive: they run Pakistan’s affairs. On the flipside, they run Pakistan’s affairs - badly. Get rid of them, and all the other bans will be lifted.

Wait, does that mean Musharraf will come back?!


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