Public Enemy Number One

By Vinkunwildflowerqueen

DISCLAIMER: If Wicked was mine... actually, maybe it's safer for the sanity of those who know me that it's not.

AN. So, remember in Out of the blue when Elphaba broke Fiyero's nose and then all the girls at Shiz hated her? Well, Julia-Caesar wanted justice for Fiyero's nose, and there was interest expressed in a one-shot about just how much they hated her.

This was the end result. Enjoy!

This fic is dedicated to my twitter friends, Julia, Kelly, Liana and Bianca. Yesterday, something happened on this site that really stressed me out, and you girls were great. Thank you for being so wonderful!

The fact that Elphaba's skin was green meant that she was different from people in other ways. She didn't blush like regular people, and she didn't bruise like regular people.

Two days after the "incident" at the OzDust… (you know, where the green girl had broken Fiyero Tiggular's nose), the scandalacious prince was sporting two impressive black eyes and a swollen, discoloured nose.

Elphaba's left hand, which was unfortunately for her, both her writing hand and her punching hand, was also slightly swollen and discoloured (more so than being green). It was an odd purple-brown colour, and Elphaba grimaced every time she looked at it.

She had only just been able to look in the mirror with her rather much shorter hair and not think of the sight that had been imprinted on her brain and had led to the shocking decision to cut it. And now every time she looked at or moved her hand, she recalled the crack of Fiyero's nose under her fist and the words he had said to her that had both hurt and infuriated her so much.

Galinda had been wonderfully supportive, reassuring Elphaba that she had done the right thing, even when Elphaba had first seen the damage she'd caused to her ex-boyfriend (the thought of bestowing that title on Fiyero was another sting of pain) and had felt a prick of guilt. She had always thought Fiyero had a nice nose.

Nessa, although more horrified than Galinda, was also supporting her sister. Initially she'd begun to reprimand her for her actions, but when Galinda had told her what Fiyero had said, Nessa quickly retracted her disapproval.

But Elphaba was completely unprepared for the reactions of the Shiz student body. The furious glares from every girl on campus she could deal with, that was nothing new. Some of the guys thought it was kind of funny, that the Vinkun prince had been injured so severely by a mere girl- and a green one at that.

But some of the girls seemed to take it more severely than others.

In the afternoon, two days after it had happened, Elphaba had stopped by the bathroom after leaving History. As she stood at the sink after washing her hands, tenderly inspecting and prodding the injured hand; the door opened.

Elphaba didn't look up until she felt people move in on either side of her- which was unusual. Normally, people avoided her as much as possible when forced to be in the same room as her.

Confusified and slightly alarmed, she looked up in bewilderment. There were three girls standing around her, all glaring at her with narrowed eyes and undisguised contempt. Elphaba only knew one of them, a sophomore she knew was named Julija, but the other two she didn't know at all.

"Can I help you?" Elphaba asked slowly.

"We need to have a word," one of the girls said, her tone sounding sweet but completely fake.

"Lady, I don't even know who you are," Elphaba retorted, raising an eyebrow.

The girls exchanged glances, before Julija spoke. "I'm Julija. This is Kelana and Nela."

Elphaba nodded faintly. "Wonderful. And you urgently need to discuss with me what exactly?"

"I don't think you understand the consequences of your recent actions," said Kelana flatly.

Elphaba was completely bewildered. "Of going to the bathroom?"

"You broke Fiyero's nose!" Julija cried out dramatically.

Elphaba was careful not to give away any emotion to that fact. "Yes, I remember," she said finally.

"How can you be so heartless about that?" demanded Nela.

"Well, obviously I make a sport of breaking people's noses and Fiyero's won me a championship. Can I interest you in a commemorative T-shirt?" Elphaba offered.

She was startled as Julija stepped forward, her eyes narrowed and leaned in closer, mere inches away from Elphaba's nose.

"This is not a joke," she said coldly.

"That wasn't a joke, it was more a sarcastic comment," Elphaba pointedly replied.

"You are dead to us, Artichoke girl," snarled Kelana.

Elphaba gasped in mock sadness. "And we've been such good friends. Whatever will I do without your friendship and acknowledgement?"

Nela pointed a finger in Elphaba's face. "You're going to pay for what you've done, and the harm you've caused."

Elphaba had just about had all she could take. "Oh, I'm so Ozdamn terrified," she snapped. "First of all, I had every right to break Fiyero's nose and quite frankly, he was lucky that was all I did. Secondly, it's a broken bone. It will heal."

"But it will never be to the same level of perfection that it was before!" Kelana sobbed, and Nela gasped.

"Don't say that, Kelana! We mustn't give up hope!"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "For the love of… it will heal. And I'm sure Fiyero will survive the trauma of having his precious nose broken."

"But the nose will not," Julija said seriously.

Elphaba wasn't sure how to react to that, so she simply stared at the sophomore. "Excuse me?"

"People need to realise that noses have feelings too!" Julija said as though that explained everything.

Elphaba was trying very hard not to convey what she was thinking- that these girls were insane.

"Noses have feelings too?" she repeated slowly.

"What did his nose ever do to you?" Nela asked.

"In this particular case, the nose had made no physical or emotional assault on you, but the nose was damaged anyway," Kelana added.

Elphaba narrowed her eyes at the girl. "You're in your first year of law, aren't you?"

She looked surprised. "How did you know?"

Elphaba refrained from pointing out that most first-year law students went around talking as though they were in a courtroom, subconsciously eager to try out the new law lingo and manner of speaking that they were being taught. It drove Elphaba mad.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So, let me get this straight- the three of you are here to defend the honour of Fiyero's broken nose?"

"Yes," Nela nodded.

"And to protest against nose abuse," Kelana chimed in.

Reading Elphaba's expression, Julija added, "We're very much against that."

"Abuse towards Fiyero's nose or noses in general?" Elphaba asked, just because she wanted to ensure she had all the details to tell Galinda about this later.

Much to Elphaba's barely stifled amusement, the girls had to exchange glances for a few moments before Kelana replied,

"Noses… in general. But we have a specific interest in Fiyero's nose."

"Because it's perfect… or it was," Nela said this with a bitter scowl in Elphaba's direction.

"So, you would like me to do what? What are you hoping to gain from this?" Elphaba asked.

"We'd like you to apologise," Kelana clarified.

Nela raised a hand. "No- we demand that you apologise," she corrected.

Elphaba couldn't resist mocking them a little. "To Fiyero or his nose?"

Her sarcasm was missed though. "To the nose," Julija replied.

This was worse than the first lunch with Galinda and Fiyero after being released from hospital all those months ago, Elphaba reflected. Her head actually hurt from the sheer ludicrousness of this conversation.

"Right. Anything else?"

"I think you should be prepared to cover costs any medical costs associated with Fiyero's recovery," Kelana suggested.

Elphaba nodded with a straight face- but it was hard. "Right. So, annual check-ups, physical therapy and a therapist so the nose can recover from the trauma of being attacked?" she deadpanned.

Once again, her tone went completely over their heads.

"At least," Nela nodded solemnly.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Well, depending on how you feel about your own noses, you might want to back off. Now," she threatened, her tone dangerous.

Julija and Kelana hastily stepped out of Elphaba's personal space, but Nela took a moment longer.

"Will you do it?" she asked.

"No," Elphaba refused. "Listen to me- you don't have the faintest clue about what happened between Fiyero and I, but if I want to break his nose, shave his head or castrate him- and believe you me, there's been recent times when I've been tempted to do so; that is my own business and the only one who is able to speak out against that would be Fiyero himself.

I don't care if you think Fiyero's nose is or was or ever will be perfect. Fine, go build a statue and worship it- I don't give a damn. But you come to me and want me to apologise for something he fully deserved? That's not okay, and you're lucky I don't take all the irritation I'm currently feeling out on you. So, in summary- approach me again on this subject, and I can assure you that you will pay."

Kelana smirked. "What would you do? You can't hurt us, we'd go straight to Madame Morrible and get you expelled," she challenged.

Elphaba smiled sweetly. "I didn't say I'd do anything to you. Tell me, how exactly would you demand an apology for cancer ruining the perfection that is Fiyero's nose?"

Julija shrieked. "You wouldn't?"

"I see you again, and we'll see," Elphaba retorted simply and swept out of the bathroom.

The last thing she heard was Nela saying in confusion, "Wait- Fiyero has nose cancer?"

Elphaba headed back to her dorm room, where she found Galinda holding two outfits in front of her as she studied her reflection in the mirror.

"Elphie, I may regret this, but I need your advice. Which dress should I wear to dinner with Boq tonight?"

Elphaba glanced at them and raised an eyebrow. "Glin, they're both pink, short and you'll hardly be able to breathe in either. Does it matter?"

Galinda sighed. "I knew I'd regret it," she mumbled.

Elphaba rolled her eyes as she sat down. "Never mind that, I have to tell you what just happened."

Galinda perked up and gave her roommate her full attention. "Ooh, what happened?"

Elphaba grinned as she began her story. She was still amused and confusified about what had happened. You'd thought she'd committed treason, not simply punched her ex-boyfriend in the face and broken his nose.

It wasn't like she was Public Enemy Number One.

AN. Guess what happens in 23 days? ;) Sorry to rub it in, I'm just a tad excited. I've never been anywhere outside of Australia before and to see Wicked again...