It was Iain Duncan Smith's first prime minister's question time. He wasn't bad. To call him "interesting" would be to go over the top, but he remained upright throughout, didn't jumble his words, and managed to contain the terrible frog in his throat without landing a big green gob on to the prime minister. So it could have been much worse.

For example, he might have needed to call on one of his shadow cabinet, who sat on either side of him, and who resemble the cast of Plan Nine From Outer Space, the worst Hollywood film ever made.

I idly wondered who could have played them in a British horror movie, possibly made by Hammer Films. Boris Karloff would have been perfect for Eric Forth, shadow leader of the house. (Catchphrase: "An icicle inserted in the brain will melt, and leave no trace.")

John Bercow (shadow chief secretary) could have been Bela Lugosi, an early film Dracula, though perhaps a trifle more sinister. Tim Collins (Cabinet Office) would need only a little make-up to become the late Vincent Price.

Quentin Davies (Ulster) would be the bluff squire who pooh-poohs all the supernatural events, then is found under the ash tree with his tongue sticking out, his eyes bulging, his face black, and signs that something sinewy yet slimy was recently wrapped around his neck. Jacqui Lait (Scotland) would be the comic relief, played by the much-loved Hattie Jacques.

Surrounded by this lot, and with his pate freshly powdered, Mr Duncan Smith looked quite normal. He began by being supportive about the "war" on terrorism. This is a problem for IDS. At the same time, he has to be shoulder to shoulder with the prime minister and also against him.

He rose to Labour cries of "Who's that?" He supported Mr Blair 100% over the war. Fifteen minutes later he was the prime minister's deadliest enemy. Why did a quarter of all family doctors want to leave the NHS?

Mr Blair chuntered about the strains on family doctors, but felt on the whole that they supported the govern ment. "Well," said IDS in mock surprise, "if that's the case, why do nine out of 10 GPs believe his reforms are unworkable and half think they will do nothing for patients?"

As Labour MPs grumbled, he waved vaguely at them and said, "They don't like it. They do not like it!"

Mr Blair replied that the difference between the parties was that Labour sup ported more spending on the NHS and the Tories didn't. IDS announced that when Labour pleaded for more time, it was actually demanding more wasted time.

Labour MPs continued to jeer. IDS decided to take this as proof that he had landed a second killer blow. "The truth is, they don't like it, Mr Speaker, they don't like it. They do not like it!"

He was beginning to sound like Clive Dunn in Dad's Army. "They don't like it up 'em, they don't like it up them!" Except that IDS manages to be both Corporal Jones and Captain Mainwaring at the same time.

He sat down having more or less secured parity with the prime minister. It was a little like seeing those people fighting with giant cotton buds on Gladiators - fairly amusing, but hard to care much about the outcome.

Then Joan Ruddock asked for the "many courageous and able women in Afghanistan" to be included in any new government.

A good point, but if the Labour party found it impossible to have all-woman shortlists, it may be a little early for Afghanistan to try the same thing.