21 Ways In Which You’re Not A Functional Adult

Everyone else seems to find it all so easy. These are the ways you’re screwing it up.

1. Alcohol and work are an ideal combination.

If you make it to the end of the day without a spilling anything, that’s a win.

2. When something in your house breaks, you have no idea how to fix it.

Or, generally, what it did in the first place.

3. You can never readily put together a meal from what’s already in your fridge.

It has condiments, sometimes alcohol, and a jar of something unidentifiable you’d rather not touch.

4. And your grocery shopping looks like this:

5. You aren’t really able to do all those healthy things you’re supposed to be doing by now.

6. You Still Have No Idea Where Your Money Goes

Seriously, are fairies taking it? It’s fairies, I bet.

7. Which means by the time it’s payday, you’re buying food using spare change.

It’s not embarrassing if you don’t look anyone in the eye.

8. This doesn’t prevent you from having an iPhone, overpriced headphones, and dim sum at inappropriate times.


9. Not only do you make relationship mistakes, you deal with them terribly.

10. Your inability to plan ahead means you often spend significant amounts of time doing nothing.

Wasn’t there supposed to be more?

11. Or panicking because there are too many things.

Stop making me make decisions!

12. Getting up is still the worst thing in the world.

Which makes you feel like your parents are about to come in and wake you up. For school.

13. When you tried to keep a plant, it died.

Fortunately, you hadn’t gone for the cat.

14. Any minor injury causes you major concerns.

Everything on WebMD leads to death.

15. At least 25% of your job is a mystery to you.

Maybe 30%-ish.

16. Not only do you not know about politics, you’re not sure why you’re supposed to.

Just that you definitely are supposed to know, and you definitely don’t.

17. Going out on a Monday is an awesome idea.

Why aren’t all the other people up for drinking all the beers on a random night mid-week?

18. And somehow you’re always hungover on a Tuesday?

That was why.

19. You never have clean laundry when you need it.

20. Your attempts to put together mouth-watering dishes for that dinner party you’ve always wanted to host don’t go well.

Welp, never doing that again.

21. Crucial paperwork for running your life confuses you.

And why is there so much of it? How does just existing require so many words?

So, you call your parents and they fix everything.

Problems solved.

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