why do men turn stupid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
why do men turn stupid?
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 8:44am
first off let me say i am not whining or insecure about myself or my relationship...this is more a question of understanding the whys behind male mentality, being asked by a curious wife so i can better understand life/my husband, and so that i dont become insecure about myself or my relationship...

senario: at dinner, in a restaurant last evening, my husband and i are having a good time, alone, without the kids, eating talking conversing..the norms...(we celebrated our 7mo wedding anniversary...second marriage for both of us)we get along very very well. we watch other people/families eat/come in/out, all very normal....til this one family walks in and the wife is definitely very attractive(we both noticed without verbally commenting to each other) and my husbands behavior changed like instantly...lol...he got all squirmy, and jittery, he started talking louder, laughing louder, he even became kinda stupid in asking me if there was ameretto in my ameretto & oj, which i always drink and he heard me order....lol....now mind you, this other wife, didnt pay my husband one bit of attention, you know, flirt out of turn with someone elses husband type thing...

now, i notice it too if a very attractive male happens our way when we are out, but i dont get all flustered and giddy. i love my husband and no matter how attractive a stranger may be, it doesnt actually EFFECT me, or my mood, or my behaviors whether i am with my husband or alone. it may cross my mind to think "boy, hes good looking" but thats it...my mood doesnt change, i dont become dumb because there is a very attractive male stranger in the room....lol

now heres the thing, i myself, have watched men turn stupid in my pressence too; in front of their wives or whomever they are with and i just wind up feeling badly for the wife...i find it a flaw in a mans character to behave flirtatious with me because 1. i am married. and 2. he is married or with someone right there.

so my question is: why do men behave this way?

i know my relationship is solid...i know my husband thinks im the greatest, but it does bother me that he could react so oddly just simply because another attractive woman walked in...she had a child on her hip, her husband at her side, and she behaved respectfully, like i do. i dont want to think less of my husbands character nor begin to have doubts about his feelings for me. i just think that, if you are truely "into" whomever you are with....no other person walking by, would have you acting all stupid...yeh you would notice, but not actually turn stupid over it...lol

any ideas??

ps. i did post this question on another board, just in case it seems familiar.ty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 8:58am
Hmmm... That sounds odd. From your description, it doesn't sound like your husband was flirting with her, or trying to get her attention. So I doubt it was anything concious on his part. So if it's something subconcious, then it doesn't matter how "into you" or your relationship he is. It's just a reaction.

There are quite a few men who've commented on this list, about how they would never ask our a truly "stunning" woman, because they feel she is out of their league. Not just a little, but a *lot*.

Could your husband simply feel uncomfortable around someone who is that noticeably attractive? Kind of like the nervousness we feel at public speaking, or that some people feel at a party full of strangers? Some people even get nervous if there is someone "famous" in the room. They get all jittery and aren't quite comfortable with themselves or what they are doing. They talk to loud, and can't quite stand still. It's not because they want to have sex with this person (they could be the same sex). It's not about that at all. It's just about feeling out of place and uncomfortable, even though the spotlight is not on you.

I think it's just part of life. Some people never suffer from that, others are set off by a variety of stimuli.

Just my two cents.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 12:24pm
I've noticed that when better looking wemon are around he (my b/f) either trys to be extra ignorant to me or he seems to be extra touchy feely kissy with me. like he's either trying to make the other girls jealous or he's trying to make me look like an idiot. depending on our moods, and conversation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 2:43pm
I don't think your husband lacks character or is stupid - I think you need to communicate to communicate to him that out of respect for you he needs to be more aware of his reactions and to try to put a lid on it - just like he would if he were at an important business meeting and a beautiful woman walked in. As to why he has this reaction - I wouldn't over-analyze it - sounds like he is very devoted to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 10:39pm
Well, speaking as an old married dude who has been in your husband's seat many times, it sounds to me that he was actually trying to distract himself from the other woman so that he wouldn't accidentally start staring at her, something that he obviously realizes would be rude, inconsiderate, and hurtful toward you. I'm guessing that his natural inclination, if you hadn't been there, would have been to gawk at her and he was fighting the temptation to do that. Since you've only been married 7 months, I'm guessing he's just having some trouble switching from single guy mode to married guy mode. Just give him some time, he'll eventually make the switch. And do realize that he is trying, some less considerate men don't even try.

The Old Married Dude

Avatar for squinty25
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 1:23pm
I am not married, but this is my two cents behind the reaction your husband gave:

I do not think you should be offended by his reaction. Maybe he just behaves differently than you do when suddenly and unexpectedly faced with a very attractive person of the opposite sex. This puts a bit of pressure on him (and admit it...woudln't you feel a bit awkward if you were in his shoes?). He is thinking to himself, "OK, I'm a married man sitting with the woman of my dreams. But what do I do to keep myself from staring at this other woman?" It's a natural nervous reaction to maybe babble and get louder, struggling to get your focus off of something, and it doesn't mean he's got a "roving eye" or even that he's stupid. Frankly, I think it's kind of cute that he respected you enough to talk to YOU and act in what seemed to be a goofy manner, rather than staring and salivating at the woman next to him. :)

Again, just my two cents. I think you probably have a great guy in your hands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 3:15pm
I buy this one - Sounds like this could be what he did. I wouldn't worry too much about it if it just happens once in a while. We all get stupid sometimes.