How To: Ask For A Favor

The Right Way To Ask For A Favor

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"Say, Bob, would there be any way I could ask a favor of you?" This makes it looks like it's almost painful for you to ask, like you're struggling with a kidney stone.

"Uh, yeah, sure thing." Notice how Bob doesn't have much of a choice since he still doesn't know what you want.

Don't take anything for granted though. "It's just that summer's coming fast now and my wife has been nagging me about finishing the sundeck in the back. And I've been hearing how good a carpenter you are." Flatter the guy; you two are bonding. "I'm already halfway through the job, but it would go a lot faster with an extra pair of hands. I don't want to ask too much or anything but I would really, really appreciate this favor."

rejection is not the end

If you establish a schedule, Bob could have grounds to decline. If you say, "come by Saturday" he may have something else planned and be forced to deny you this good deed. But if you leave it open, he'll be hard-pressed to turn you down. Of course, there might be occasions where time constraints are inevitable so you should prepare yourself for the eventuality of rejection.

You should accept rebuff. It's a free world and everyone has the right to say no. It's their prerogative and you should not take offense. The reason might very well be valid and it's not up to you to judge. Bow to it gracefully. Bite the bullet, thank them, and move on.

at the other end of the spectrum

While you shouldn't pay for the kindness be ready to have something to offer in return. This is a game of give and take and you must be psychologically prepared for the moment Bob will call in the favor. You should offer your services from the get-go and make certain you can make good on them.

Don't keep count. One favor doesn't necessarily equal another. If Bob asks you to help him move into his new apartment and then six months later requests your pickup truck again to haul away some firewood, don't refuse on the grounds that you already paid your debt. Be civilized.

One of the worst things that can happen is that you make a habit of asking favors. Everyone knows at least one person who qualifies as an automated asking machine. Don't let it be you. You don't necessarily have to wait until you've returned a favor before asking another, but do stress the fact that you're absolutely available for whatever the other person might need.

Finally, remember that manners are essential in the good Samaritan business. A good measure of self-confidence is indeed required but civility goes a long way. It's not only a matter of trade and it can seriously improve your personal life by jump-starting relationships you'd never thought you'd have. Friendship is only two favors away.

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