darwin awards 2005

  1. Registered User
    Beelzebub's Avatar
    6'1"  240 lbs.
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Rep Power
    Lv. Percent
    Achievements Activity ProPosting ProPosting Authority

    Talking darwin awards 2005

    (7 March 2005, Hanoi, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in the Tu Liem district of Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. The detonator was about six centimeters long and 8 centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out of the end. Because it was old and rusty, he said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.

    The victim had little time to reflect on how he could have been so mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheek and smashed all his teeth." Nguyen died on the way to the hospital.

    (28 April 2005, Moscow, Russia) A construction worker drilling the foundation of a parking garage project on Starobitsevskaya Street noticed something shiny stuck to the swiftly rotating auger. He took a closer look but still couldn't identify the shiny object, so he reached down to grab it. Unfortunately, his jacket caught on the auger, winding his hand, his arm, and then his whole body into the apparatus. By the time his fellow workers could shut down the rig, "only the man's legs below the knees remained intact," according to the daily newspaper.

    (19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher, who called 911 at 1:22am and calmly informed the police dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Suddenly he began screaming and begging for help. A woman was heard shouting in the background, "Why did you do this?" Deputies arrived quickly, only to find that Christopher had bled to death from stab wounds to his chest.
    After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced said neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.

    Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: he would stab himself and blame the neighbor!

    A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom while he called police. When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked perfectly fine, but a moment later he began screaming as gouts of blood spewed from his chest. He ran to the door of the apartment, and collapsed.

    The evidence pointed to self-inflicted wounds. Deputies found the knife that killed him in the kitchen, and an autopsy concluded that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound may not have looked dangerous enough to him, so he took the knife and tried again, this time plunging it into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.

    Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation fell on deaf ears, as a witness stated that the neighbor was not in the apartment, and the neighbor offered to take a lie-detector test to demonstrate his innocence. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.

    (27 July 2005, California) Robert, 35, was eager to hang out with the nudists at the Palm Springs campground in a part of Death Valley where temperatures reached 136 degrees. The track was rough but passable until he was lured into the Saline Mud Flats by its dry, crackled surface, radiating heat in the baking sun. Within a few feet, the wheels of his VW microbus sunk deep into the muck that lay hidden beneath the deceptively dry crust.
    Robert was miles from nowhere, surrounded by the bleached skulls of animals that had become trapped in the mire. But he had plenty of water, so he waited for help to find him on the remote dirt track. After six days, he abandoned the microbus and began walking to a less deserted track where someone was more likely to pass by.

    Luck was with him. As he was shaking the last drop of water from his last bottle, help arrived in the form of intrepid 14-year-old British lads from the League of Venturers, who were training in search-and-rescue techniques. "He was crying and completely hysterical. I don't think he'd expected to last the day," said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, 80 miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.

    Although Robert had cheated death once, that didn't stop him from tempting fate again.


    His plan was to locate the campground, and once there, enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for 10 miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.

    (17 April 2005, Indiana) Late one night, 26-year-old Joseph was blazing down the road in the Chain O'Lakes district of Syracuse on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well... with the wind whistling through his ears, he must have concluded that he could outrun a mere police cruiser. This hard-boiled candidate for the Heck's Angels revved his engine and roared off. The speedometer needle flashed past 10 mph...20...30...and within less than a minute, it was hitting the red zone at a blinding 40 mph.
    But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail. If only he had a spare JATO strapped to his machine! The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase.

    Was he thinking, "You'll never get me alive, copper!" as he sped through the intersection with County Road 800E? The answer will never be known. Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly of massive head injuries.




    (28 January 2005, Pendang, Thailand) It's no secret that elephants are big. Elephants eat hundreds of pounds of food a day just to maintain their weight. Indian elephants are nine feet tall at the shoulder, and the males have tusks that extend over three feet. They're so powerful that in Southeast Asia they are used to haul massive tree trunks with their tusks, work performed by heavy equipment in other countries.
    It's also no secret that teasing an animal can make it mad. Teasing a nine-foot-tall animal that can carry a tree with its three-foot tusks may not be a good idea. Yet that was the very idea that formed in Prawat's head, when he saw a herd of five performing elephants chained to trees outside a Buddhist temple.


    The game was great fun for Prawat, but the elephant quickly tired of it. The last time Prawat withdrew the treat, the elephant swung his massive tusks and gored him through the stomach. He died on the way to Alor Star Hospital.

    15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe
    The elephants were trampling Christian's maize field, which he planted on an elephant trail of long standing. He had to find a way to fight back! Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby, on the Zimabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.


    But Christian realized they were just what he needed! Clearly, these mines could cause great damage to an elephant! He dug up five that had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home.

    These unstable mines detonated, killing Christian instantly.

    Then total number of elephants injured? Zero.

  2. Registered User
    Beowulf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Rep Power
    Lv. Percent
    Achievements Activity ProPosting Pro

    I just read the whole damn thing! Priceless!

    And there are people out there who doubt Darwin's theory!
  3. Registered User
    EEmain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Rep Power
    Lv. Percent

    I love this stuff. I still crack up everytime I hear the Lawn Chair Larry story.



  4. Board Supporter
    rhinochaser48's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Rep Power
    Lv. Percent

    There was another guy that did the same thing with balloons. Only he was saved by the coast guard after drifting 10+ miles out over the pacific.

Similar Forum Threads

  1. The Darwin Awards
    By jmh80 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 10
  2. The most annoying member award goes to..
    By db682 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 7
  3. 2005 members, 39000 posts
    By Biggs in forum General Chat
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 04-13-2003, 03:09 AM
  4. Most Improved Member Award
    By YellowJacket in forum General Chat
    Replies: 33
  5. Sneak Peek at the 2005 Ford Mustang
    By YellowJacket in forum General Chat
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 01-11-2003, 02:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Log in