Aliens Have Kidnapped My Children

My children are showing bizarre, otherworldly traits, and it can only mean one thing; my tiny humans have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with imposters.

How do I know? They are playing together. Not only that, but they are ENJOYING IT.

See, I told you so.

Today, I watched them play one pretend game after another. The Boy was the daddy jaguar, The Girl was the baby jaguar, and they gleefully romped all over the house. Whenever they crossed a human’s path, The Boy would leap in front of his sister, and bare his teeth, while The Girl cowered behind him. She even shook with real terror.

Then they were kittens, meowing and pawing at furniture, making a den underneath the kitchen table, and purring while they rubbed up against our legs.

When they weren’t pretending, they were playing together with toy figurines. Pinkie Pie and Rattle Shake battled, swapped sides, and had long conversations on the meaning of life. Okay, I made the last part up, but you get the picture.

Usually, they tolerate each other, and one will only show real affection to the other when they know it will bother them. Nothing says love like an unwanted hug, or so my kids think.

They also engage in classic suck up behavior, with such gems as “See, Mom, I like the quinoa,” or “I chew with my mouth closed;” the battling and tattling, “He breathed on me!” or “She’s in my room! She will destroy everything! Even my soul!*”

So, I was completely unprepared for what happened today. I have no way of telling if this is a temporary alliance, like when France and England would declare a truce in the battle over Calais**, or if it was a real shift in how they regard each other.

Could you imagine a world where siblings co-exist peaceably? It really seems to go against nature. I always thought they thrived on the drama. And if they don’t get it from each other, what will they do?

They will more than like form an unholy alliance against me and their father. They’re both smart kids; we’ll never know what hit us. I’m going to have to nip this in the bud. Maybe I can put one of her stuffed animals in his room or kick around some of his legos just to stir things up. At least then, maybe, I’ll be able to keep my head.

*Actual quote

**Seriously, I have to stop reading novels about the Plantagenets


Filed under Partying with the Ponies

9 responses to “Aliens Have Kidnapped My Children

  1. My two began playing together at a very young age. They would drag a laundry basket into this dark hallway, close all the doors to the hallway, and bring a flashlight. I would hear them in there giggling and laughing and when I asked them what they were doing, they said, “We’re playing ‘Dark Submarine.'” Now I have NO freaking idea what “Dark Submarine” entailed, but the fact that they closed themselves up for like, AN HOUR, in there, and left me in peace, was a gift from the Alien Mothership. I never questioned it, I never peeked in to see what they were doing, and I enjoyed the quiet time I was given. Now they’re 15 and 13 and I wish they would go play “Dark Basement Submarine” in separate corners of the Universe because all they do is bicker and argue. Enjoy it while you can before they morph into yet another species of Alien.


    • Thank you for the insight into the future. I don’t know how I can translate kitty play into something they can do as teens… maybe silent lion attacks?

      And is there anyway you can play dark submarine by yourself to get a little peace and quiet? 😉


  2. LOL – my experience has been that when siblings join together in camaraderie, then surely they are hatching some kind of shenanigans.
    Be afraid 🙂


  3. Mrs B

    Crikey. I’d say they are planning something super sinister! I’d keep a close eye on your own soul… that quote sounded ominous.


  4. I have four children between the ages of 13 and 19, so I am speaking from experience when I say: Watch out — they are planning something huge!


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