Rail companies unveil women-only rip-offs

RAIL companies have devised an incomprehensible new fare structure, specially for women.

The firms backed Jeremy Corbyn’s call to segregate the rail network, insisting it would empower women and keep everyone safely profitable.

A spokesman for the train operators said: “Women-only tickets will be classified as ‘safe’, ‘super-safe’, ‘budget safe’, ‘off-peak safe’ and ‘fractionally less peak safe’.

“Women will also have the chance to buy a standard ‘woman’ ticket, or a cheaper ‘plain woman’ one. It’s entirely up to them if they want to admit to being an unloved, childless frump.”

The spokesman added: “Prices will vary between £12 and £450 depending on some randomly selected criteria designed to confuse you and make you all emotional.

“We’ll also paint the carriages pink and put flowers on the tables, because you all like that sort of crap, don’t you?”