

1. The Forbes 400. My dad had a subscription to Forbes when I was a kid, and whenever the annual Forbes 400 issue came out, I would grab it and marvel over the vast sums of wealth accumulated by all the old white stately dudes pictured on the list: Sam Walton, Warren Buffet, a handful ofRockefellers, etc. The list exists solely as a form of money porn, which is fine if you’re a little kid who daydreamsabout having all the shit that Ricky Schroder had on Silver Spoons.

But as a journalistic affair, it’s empty and pointless and shitty. In Forbes and Fortune and CNBC, we still have a business media culture in which wealth is its own validation for everything. Oh, he’s rich! THAT MEANS HE’S IMPORTANT! And that, of course, isn’t true at all. Many people on the Forbes 400 got their money simply by the luck of birth. Others almost certainly got their place on the list through ill-gotten and/or dubious means. Donald Trump, arguably the grossest person in America, gets his mug plastered on the list as well, with Forbes describing the current massive fraud suit against him as part of his "circus". OH YES, WHAT A FUN RIDE IT IS TO FUCK PEOPLE OVER. This is an episode of Cribs stretched out to 500 pages.

2. Mass shootings. They happened in DC and Chicago this week, and I probably missed another half dozen that happened without anyone really noticing because that’s just how it is now. The complete and total failure of politicians and law enforcement officialsto prevent it means there’s no point in being outraged because I know no one will bother to listen. All I can do is sit here and hope that somehow, by some miracle, people just decide to stop randomly killing each other. Could you please stop? Please? Just fucking try to not kill other people and see how that works out for you. I don’t know what other recourse there is apart from simply begging people to not do this anymore. Please.

In lighter fare...

3. "Dads" promos. I already know the show is terrible, so I would like FOX to avoid showing me ANY of it. No ads. No ten-second live reads from Brian Billick during an NFL game. Nothing. Just let it die its quick inevitable death so that I don’t have to feel weird listening to Boone throw out shitty zingers to Martin Mull. You’re making us all uncomfortable, Seth MacFarlane.
