Thursday, October 2, 2008

"Let's Postpone ______ So I Can Focus On ______"

What a brilliant idea. John McCain attempted to "postpone" his presidential campaign so he could focus on fixing America's economic woes. John McCain can fix the economy about as well as I can juggle with my feet. But putting that glaring fact aside, you gotta give him credit for coming up with the idea.

Clearly he's not much of a multitasker. While running his campaign, McCain has missed 109 of the last 110 votes in the Senate. Isn't that the one sole purpose of a senator - to vote on bills? I doubt Shaq would continue to get paid if he stopped dunking in order to "focus on his 3-point game." When McCain suspended his campaign, he went to Washington and voted a couple times. Wow! Good job ol' buddy! Way to do your job! All it took was for him to completely stop campaigning. A real multitasker indeed.

My grandpa has the same issue. If he's drinking coffee and I ask him to pass me the salt, he grumbles "Damn it boy, let me do one thing at a time!" When he's done with his coffee, he passes me the which point I'm not even at his house anymore. Fair enough, grandpa. There's no need to do two things at once. Especially when you're the Commander-in-Chief: it's a real one-thing-at-a-time kinda job.

So let's take McCain's one-thing-at-a-time policy and run with it. I recommend that all readers do the following:

Call into work tomorrow and say "I'm going to postpone going to work so I can focus on fixing global warming." Sure!

Next tax season, send a hand-written note to the IRS that reads "I'm going to postpone paying taxes so I can focus on making my fortune." Sure!

When you get pulled over for speeding, just say to the officer "Blow me. I'm gonna postpone getting this speeding ticket so I can focus on inventing an invisible car." Sure!

Next time you get called on in class, simply say "I'm going to postpone answering that question so I can focus on having sex with Alessandra Ambrosio." Sure!

Considering how reasonable and wholly acceptable these responses are, America should really reconsider John McCain's request to postpone his campaign so he can focus on fixing the economy (which remember, he's completely incapable of doing). So the next time John McCain wants to postpone one of his duties in order to focus on another "duty," America should respond with a resounding "Sure!"

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