Goat (source: Global)

I discovered something interesting today.

At my new job, one of my duties is approving applications for financial assistance from refugees to Canada who want to join the YMCA. I noticed a disproportionate amount of applicants have January 1 listed as their birthday, so I did a little research to find out why entire families seemed to share the same date of birth on their official government documents. This article answered that question for me. Or did it?

Maybe the real reason that people use January 1 as a default birthday in these circumstances is that the Government of Canada secretly wants them to be Capricorns. Perhaps the people in power are facilitating this process because they know that our nation would benefit from having more Capricorn citizens. We just reelected a Capricorn Prime Minister, after all. It makes sense to believe that he’s in on this conspiracy.

I know that some people will believe that I’m crazy for calling this phenomenon a “conspiracy,” but I have to wonder if those people have ever stopped to consider that there are 365 days in the year that could have been chosen by the government as a default birthday for these new Canadians? No, I didn’t think so.

Anyway, I’m not complaining. A world populated by nothing but goats is a world that I would want to live in. If I ever run for Prime Minister, I’m going to make it illegal to conceive a child at any other time but the second week of April, just to ensure that most babies are born with Capricorn as a sun sign. Sure, a few babies that are born early would have Sagittarius or Scorpio as a zodiac sign, but none of them would be Geminis, and that’s something that the whole world could get behind. Am I right?

Wow! With a platform like that, it’s difficult to imagine that I could lose. It’s too bad that I’m going to have to wait another four years for an election. Why couldn’t I have discovered this secret plot a few weeks ago? The universe works in mysterious ways . . .

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