Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Caveat Emptor, Feb 14, 2014.

  1. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I've been spending a lot of time on various dating sites recently. I don't have anything against them on NoFap, as long as one is careful.

    Last night, I messaged a girl who said she was just looking for a friendly casual sex relationship. Like friends with benefits. She got back to me with prices. instructions, a few photos, and a phone number.
    I know I shouldn't do it but she makes it seem so convenient. She lives nearby, I can afford it and I get incredibly aroused whenever I think about it, and then I lecture myself about even considering it.

    Please talk me out of this fellow Fapstronauts.
  2. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut


    Hi, you might find the video in this thread helpful which is well worth investing some time in watching (is an hour but I couldnt stop watching it once I started and I was nearly late for work:eek:)...
  3. aron

    aron Fapstronaut

    That is just rationalization. What you are actually doing is encouraging *ahem* prostitution. You are paying for her sexual services. I had my fair share of "friends with benefits" kind of relationships and none of them involved money.

    Be wary that your brain is just trying to get a hit of dopamine out of it. It might fool you into thinking that you *need sex, but you are actually enjoying the process of getting to it: looking women up, negotiating conditions and prices. There are other man here that went on for longer than you without any form of sexual relief, so if they can do it than for sure you can do it also. There is no need to have sex, you are just making excuses because you are enjoying the hunt. Your brain is trying to look for sexual novelty. Now its not pornographic images, its just real live women. The object has changed but the process is the same. I had an AP that relapsed after 45 days because he solicited escort services. Don't go down that path. You have been strong for so many days, I am sure you can make it till the end of the day.
  4. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    The FWB thing was a lie, clearly. Just something to get more guys to message her.
    I do enjoy the hunt! The dating hunt! Not hookers. I deleted the email but I'm pretty sure it's in my trash folder now. I'll delete that next time I'm on my computer.

    Ugh. The cross streets where she said her apartment is located are walking distance from where I park to take the subway to work.

    I'm not going to do it. I'm going to delete and block all traces of her but the urge to contact her is painful. But that just means I'm being rewired right? :D
  5. R.C

    R.C Fapstronaut


    Nothing wrong with going for it as long as you can afford it and she's clean.
  6. challenge

    challenge Fapstronaut

    Everything about it is wrong. I'm glad you made the right choice and didn't go ahead with her offer.

    Some points why I think you shouldn't sleep with a sex worker:

    - She could be infected
    - You're making your porn fantasies into a reality.
    - It's a waste of money
    - It could become an addiction (a pricey one too)
    - If you enjoy it, it might stop you from wanting to be in a real relationship (or could affect your current or future relationships)
    - It's a dirty business. You really think she wants to sell her body? She may not show it, but the reality is that she's probably hit rock bottom, and sadly has no other way of making a living. You'll just be contributing to her sadness.
    - From a Christian point of view... It's a sin !
  7. Caveat Emptor

    Caveat Emptor Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I've deleted every trace of her.
  8. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Ive just been talking to my daughter who is going through a 'phase' of having piercings done (nothing major, nose/ears etc) and she was just telling me how excited she is about getting her next one done and is browsing the internet for a different shop, where to have it, what 'jewelry' etc, the whole 'ritual' and she asked me (in her innocence) why I thought it was so exciting for her to get a piercing etc. I told her exactly what giggleshmack said above, that 'the hunt was better than the kill' and then waited for the light to come on as she realised exactly what that meant (shes young enough to have never heard it before). Shortly safter hearing it her eyes lit up and she smiled saying thats exactly what it is and thats why the moment her last one was done all she could think about was the next one which of course I knew (mainly because its me she asks to pay and taxi her to and from everywhere!!)

    And the same is true with most things, 'the hunt is better than the kill' and I can remember masturbating (aaaah! Seems such a distant memory now!;):p) and there was always this huge comedown for me straight afterwards and the same was even true of sex sometimes because of the false expectations and distorted notions of what it was all about (from watching porn) and increasingly so after the advent of high speed internet/smart phones!

    And im only a short way into all this still but all I can say is that it feel so LIBERATING not to be in that cycle anymore (just like it did stopping drinking and smoking) not living in anticipation of your next fix because life feels plain dull without it and we convince ourselves that these fixes are the highlights of our days and nights and so we chase them desperatly but the payoff gets less and less and the price increasingly high and yet that part of us will stop at nothing because it cares only for the 'fix' and it will pay ANY price to get it (even your life with more severe addictions!)

    The 'hunter' is really just an insatiable predator who misses the beauty of the present moment/reality because all it can do is crave a fake future based on the lies it tells you about the past and good on you for choosing 'reality' (see Buddah quote in my signature) :)
  9. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

    Not a good idea, you just enable the horrible abuse life those women are trapped in, you've made a good decision
  10. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

    And thank you sir! Your comments are greatly appreciated. Keep going!:)
  11. December

    December Fapstronaut

    Kudos for fighting the urge! It may seem like nothing but there are a number of things that could go wrong from her robbing/hurting you to you getting infected, caught by the police, her being pregnant or underage and then you'd still be contributing to the sex trafficking demand. I don't have the links handy but I've read so many things about women forced into the sex industry. Literally--forced. Its sick.
  12. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

    There's plenty of info about that (and some interesting conversations!) in this thread and the threads it links to. One of the main things that has made me incredibly determined, apart from looking after myself which we must all do, has been my absolute refusal to be part of the demand in any way shape or form for the supply of the sex trade and I believe that even if ONE person is traffiked and/or forced to participate in this 'industry' against their will then such a stance is totally justified (and even if there were none I would still avoid it like the plague!)!!!
  13. mdz

    mdz Fapstronaut

    I would only visit a prostitute to check my ED recovery. To be more on the safe side i would wait several months to let myself heal up.

    Fantasizing and browsing pics of potential prostitutes is bad because it the same dopamine-mechanism as viewing porn.

    good luck.
  14. aaron92

    aaron92 Fapstronaut

    That's so true- sums up why I'm personally against porn and the sex industry (although I don't believe in God or Christianity)

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