10 ways to know you are in Hell Week

99 peace squad flyerIn the theater world, the last week of rehearsals before a show goes up is affectionately known as "Hell Week." The 99¢-show sports an unusual Hell Week because a holiday is wedged in there; in honor of that, the cast has been given an entire two days, both Wednesday and Thursday, off before final dress rehearsal on Friday. So in my capacity as Chief Stilt-Walker, I have been given a two-day respite to let those newly-developed leg muscles rest.

Of course, in my capacity as graphic designer, I am forced to rest aforementioned muscles next to the old G5, which does not allow for much in the way of elevation.

But I digress.

While this is an unusal Hell Week in that it's slightly less, well...hellish, there are still certain die-hard traits that all Hell Weeks share. To wit...

  1. You can neither remember the last day you went to the gym nor anticipate the next time you will see the inside of it.
  2. You find yourself actually drifting off to sleep atop the stilts you just learned to walk on two days ago.
  3. Instead of being outraged that the 7-11 is charging you 2 bucks for an airline-sized bag of cashews, you are filled with a Thanksgiving-level of gratitude that they accept Visa because you have not had time to go to the ATM in two weeks. And buy two bags.
  4. Bourbon and cashews at midnight is dinner.
  5. Bourbon and cashews at midnight is the most delicious and appropriate dinner you can imagine.
  6. You can neither remember the last time you washed your hair nor anticipate the next time you will be able to do so.
  7. You try to drive your car in "park."
  8. Your kitchen floor is covered in hair.
  9. This seems like no good reason to not eat the veggie burger you dropped there.
  10. Your sexual fantasies start revolving around long hot baths with a fluffy magazine, followed by a mug of peppermint tea and a DVD in bed. Solo.

Time to get crackin' on those t-shirt designs. See you at the show, kids!

xxx c