Tag: normal life


I am just going along about my day.. getting home from the park trying to rush in to clean off the kids sandy feet and put Charlotte down for nap.. But since I am right there I figure I can get the mail. Its like suddenly being splashed in the face with cold water. The shock and the charge of it rushing through my body. I am disoriented .. I am struggling to catch my breath and I am frozen in place. The sting of it bringing sharp tears to my eyes. Just for a moment. . though I have to get inside and take care of my 3 living.. I feel like I am carrying my limping heart in my hands along with a diaper bag and a handful of mail. The irony. A day of remembrance for children that were also patients like my Jennifer at Lucille Packard.[…]

old life

Constant ache. Sometimes punctured with a pain so sharp I literally clutch my stomach. Today has been a day where even the constant ache is so strong I sometimes doubt the strength of my legs to keep me upright.. so those moments of sharp… when they come.. well they feel like I am being cut apart. But it’s nothing major. Its my attempt to be a normal mom again.. Cooking and cleaning with my babies underfoot. Somehow normalcy makes her absence so pronounced. We did play-doh and had a outside picnic. We had an ant attack and all vacuumed and squished ants with wet towels. Nicholas helped me prepare dinner and we have laundry waiting to be folded. Just a simple day. Like our old life.. except it’s all so different.   I used to say when asked about having 4 kids (or still pregnant with our 4th) how I[…]