Something you don't know about me - I'm an authority on wasp sounds.

Anyway I was out for the day and it started to rain. So I wandered into a junk shop, I was looking through the records, the LPs were of no interest so I looked in the singles. Johnny Mathis, Val Doonican, Wasp sounds fro...wait! What's this? "Wasp Sounds From Around The World!" I want this! It's onl...





a guy walks into a shop and asks for two wasps. the shop assistant looks confused and says sorry but they don’t sell wasps

the man says “but you’ve got one in the window”

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

A man walks into a convenience store,

Picks up a can of fly spray and asks the assistant
"Is this good for wasps?"
The assistant replied:
"No. It kills them."

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So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle.


A wasp expert walks into a record shop


The pin goe...

My nieces asked me to kill a wasp for them...

I told the that that's a feature of "Uncle Premium" and their attitudes only get them the basic subscription!

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

Two bumblebees are flying along together

One of them sees the other, and notices that they’re wearing a yarmulke.

The bee asks, “Why are you wearing of of those?”

“This? I just don’t want anyone thinking I’m a wasp.”

Went into the pet shop to buy a wasp,

The owner said they didn’t sell them.
I said “why have you got one in the window then?”

What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield?

A bee flat.

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"Bummer, mate!!"


Why didn't Black Panther, Spider-man, the GOTG, Falcon, Wasp, and Bucky show up to appear in the Endgame trailer?

They're all flakes

Say what you want about wasps.

But at least they wear high visibility jackets to prevent accidents.

Why do wasps never leave tips?

Because they're stingy.

The World Expert on Wasps



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Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.


They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these vile creations!" And with...

How two bees say hi to each other?


God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out.

So he had to resort to Plan Bee.

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The Irish Border

Was drawn up by a man who was being chased by a wasp.

What do you call a lazy wasp?

A Wannabee

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

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A young couple were sunning themselves on a nudist beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman’s vagina.

The girl started screaming “Oh my God, help me, there’s a
wasp inside me!”

The boyfriend quickly covered her with his jacket, carried her to the car and raced to the hospital where he explained the situation.

After examining her, the doctor realized that the wasp was in too deep to ...

How do you prevent a wasp from using its stinger?

Steal all the crème de menthe from his country club.

I Found a Wasp in my Alcoholic Root Beer

You could say it's.. buzzed.

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What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

What animals are the best fighters?

Wasps. They have 5 black belts.

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The smart wasp... (sorry if it's a repost, someone asked me to tell it)

So there is this wasp, right? Now, he's not *ordinary* wasp, mind you, but an incredibly smart one. This wasp is so smart, that he feels as though he doesn't belong in his little waspy town, so he decides to pack up and go to a human high school. So off he goes to high school, with nothing but his k...

A guy has a wasps nest in his garage

He goes to the hardware store and finds a can of spray that says it's for hornets, so he finds an employee just to check if it'll work on wasps.

"Excuse me, is this spray good for wasps?"

"No sir, it kills them."

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The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)


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The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted an...

Two bees met in a field

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, “The weather has been cold, wet and damp, and there aren’t any flowers, blooming so I can’t make any honey!”

“No problem,” said the first bee, “Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There’s a B...

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Nude beach


After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be rea...

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What type of candy do you buy for...

What type of candy do you buy for a comedian?


What type of candy do you buy for a happy horse owner?

...Jolly Rancher

What type of candy do you buy for a rap star?


What type of candy do you buy for a divorced wife with no prenup?

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Most people be like.

Me : I am a human being, earths most dominant species and I will not be-

Wasp : Fuck off.

Me: OK.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Jim was suspicious that his wife had been cheating on him. He took off from work early to see if he could catch her in the act. Driving up to his apartment Jim caught a glimpse through an open window of a strange man walking around in his dining room. Now convinced his wife has been unfaithful, J...

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

June bugs.

What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.





The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

Two bees are on their way to the synagogue, the one bee looks at the other and says "make sure you've got your yarmulke...

...we don't want them thinking you're a wasp!"

A man walks into a pet shop

He goes up to the counter and says "i'll take one wasp please". The guy looks at him funny and says "We don't sell wasps sir" and the fella replies "Thats funny, you have one in the window"

Collegue told me at work the other day, made me chuckle

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP

I was working as groundskeeper on a golf course...

...when a lady came up to me and complained of getting stung by a wasp between the first and second holes.

I told her she needed to close her stance a bit.

We are making our own xmas crackers for the family gathering this year. Got any good jokes we can put in them?

Jokes as in "why did the chicken cross the road" not as in "live wasps".
