Who Hurt You, My Own Expectations!!!

Do you remember or have you ever read the saying by Maria Robinson:” Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending”. I recently had an interaction with one of my English students that brought this to the fore, she was in deep pain about her son, and I could do something about it but was it my right to take her pain away in a teacher/student relationship. This sums up what I did, this is what I wrote as my  #Winsday, which is a celebration we make in a course I am doing called Rise – Speaker training, it is one of the best things I have done for years and I do a lot of personal development. 

I’m not sure how to start this “Win” My English student said I have something to show you I don’t understand. It was an email from her son’s teacher recommending that they have a Mental health assessment done on him sooner than later as she was incredibly worried for his ongoing wellbeing. Mental health is not a biggie amongst Upper-middle-class Chinese families, especially when it is their one beloved child. After some discussion, I worked out her husband is in total denial of it and keeps saying he is fine. Coincidentally one of my best friends is head of the Child Psychology unit at the Austin Hospital, I contacted her as to what they needed to do about it. My student kept drifting between calling her son abnormal to breaking down and crying. I stood in the power of the central position and helped her keep in touch with her love for him and taking some action. In the end, we had booked a call with her GP the following day. I think without this work I would have given in to its none of my business very early on surviving in the backward position of communication.

I realise I did it because there were times in my life I had seen my own pain and my friend’s pain and done nothing about it. So what does the world say about hurt and pain and how we relate to it:


1. Yep, I was guilty as charged for years and years using this supposed protection method as my friends would not want to know the truth, luckily I have learnt this was a bald-faced lie and they loved me for all of me, warts and all.


2. For each of us, the level of hurt that is defined as bad is unique: Hurt – NIN.


3. V.J., whoever she is, points out what often happens in our relationship with others we meet on the journey of life.


4. Stop doing this in the name of Love: Stop In The Name Of Love.


5. I had many bruises from my 40 year battle with alcohol, the best thing I did when I went cold turkey 5 years ago to heal my chi energy.


6. Not the easiest thing to do, but it is what got me out of a 5-year mental health crisis that saw me be hospitalised 6 times: Believe.


7. What a great question to ask yourself to begin the healing process.


8. Do you accept the option: Bring Me To Life.


9. All pain is not bad for you.


10. Not too sure about this, to me both modalities are valid: Letting Go.


11. A guaranteed recipe to have hurt and pain in your life, hate others.


12. My friends’ daughter went to this extreme as well, it was only the love of her parents that got her through it: Till I Collapse.




14. If you are born as a human, you will suffer it, enjoy the journey and what it is meant to teach you, avoiding it is not the way to go: Hurt – JC.


15. Bianca Sparacino has an interesting life motto: If you don’t fit in, you’re doing something right. It seems a great description of Living a life without any pain, don’t do that.

So how do we lessen the pain, here is my friend Marc Chernoff’s 30 suggestions to stop doing to Yourself:

  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
  2. Stop running from your problems
  3. Stop lying to yourself.
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
  11. Stop being idle.
  12. Stop thinking you’re not ready.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
  16. Stop being jealous of others.
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
  18. Stop holding grudges.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without a break.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect.
  24. Stop following the path . of least resistance.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
  28. Stop worrying so much.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen.
  30. Stop being ungrateful.

Have a go at a few of these and see how your hurt and pain levels shift.

Today’s playlist has another first, two versions of the same song. We begin with Nine Inch Nails, then some Motown from The Supremes. Then three bands – Mumford and Sons, Evanescence and Paul McCartney and Wings. Two of my favourites complete the set, the penultimate tune is from Eminem and we complete with Johnny Cash: Who Hurt You, My Own Expectations.


So if the world can turn down it’s hurt and pain levels, I reckon my Interculturalist ethos for the world of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included has a better chance. Until we meet again, my dear friends.


Told You So. Sincerely, Your Intuition!!!

Apres workshop continuation, I have been having these amazing conversations with people by asking them do they know what their passion for life is. I have been sharing about one of mine, My Sacred Love Stories workshop idea.

The concept came as follows: One night I was making chai at Mojo – The Dance of Connection and I looked through the window onto the dance floor and the thought that a majority of these beautiful people would go home alone, and this made my heart very sad. Shortly after the words, Sacred Love Stories passed through. I pondered this for the following week and came up with the following. The premise is that we have stopped being vulnerable with each other, the evidence being the divorce rate, that the average length of a relationship for 18 to 35 years olds is six months and the existence of Tinder. So in the workshop, you will work through the chakras, telling your partner your if you knew this about me, I would die and your, No, I am not boasting, I actually did this stories for the distinction of each chakra. You practice with a fellow participant so that you can increase your ability to be vulnerable and then go home and do it with your beloveds.

So that’s one of my passions, Time for my friend Marc’s list on the subject:

1. When passion and skill work together, the end result is a masterpiece.


3. If you are passionate about it, pursue it, no matter what anyone thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.


5. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write. The concept can be applied universally/

6. It’s not how much money you make that ultimately makes you happy. It’s whether or not your work fulfils you.


8. Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.

9. Find what makes you come alive, whatever it is. Become it and let it become you, and great things happen FOR you. TO you and BECAUSE of you.

10. Purpose is the reason you journey. Passion is the fire that lights your way,

11. If you cannot put your heart into it, take yourself out of it.

12. Continue to work hard at what you love no matter what the odds are. Eventually, someone will praise and appreciate what you do.

13. It’s not about getting a chance. It’s about taking a chance. You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work, but you can be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Sometimes you just have to go for it.

People have been passionate throughout recorded history, what have they said about it, here we go:


1. Remember, you are a sovereign being.


2. In our country, the official retirement age used to be 65, many people died soon after. The passion was missing: The Power and The Passion.


3. Of course, Oprah would be one of the quoters.


4. Supposedly, the percentage of people who do this is at an all-time low: Money.


5. Besides being an amazing sci-fi writer, Kurt Vonnegut said some good shit about passion and purpose.


6. To help with this, I would recommend reading Lissa Rankins great book on the subject, The Fear Cure: Lose Yourself.


7. Time to open up one of the largest organs in your body.


8. Just don’t, okay: Not Afraid.


9. Born in Manchester, Jamaica in 1967, Bailey immigrated to Canada at age 13 and played basketball with John Degenhardt before his graduation at Queen Elizabeth Park High School in Oakville, Ontario. He began competing as a 100 m sprinter part-time in 1991, but he did not take up the sport seriously until 1994. At that time, he was also a stockbroker. He won the gold medal at the 1996 Olympic games.


10. The cardigan-wearing one, Eckhart Tolle time. Yes, The Power of Now: Sing for the Moment.


11. Some deeper stuff from Carl.


12. Already naked, follow your heart – Great words: Follow Your Heart.


13. There are no promises you will wake up tomorrow, we just live our lives like it is a given.


14. What is the anatomy of your Calling: Wake Me Up.


15. And for our final lesson, there is really no other choice.

So we will finish with another list titled Passion questions to make you think:

1. What will you never give up on


3. What activities make you lose track of time?

4. What fascinates you?

5. What’s something you would do every day if you could?

6. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

7. What would you do DIFFERENTLY if you knew nobody would judge you?

8. Would you rather have less work or more work you actually enjoy doing?

9. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?


Today’s playlist contains three songs from the same artist, never been done before. We begin with one of Australia’s great rock and roll band, Midnight Oil, then off to the UK for Pink Floyd. across to the USA for three Eminem tracks, then Germany for the Scorpions and we complete with Avicii: Told You So. Sincerely, Your Intuition!!!

Lets complete with why we follow our passions: No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying, Love and Respect to All,, Everyone Included. Until we meet again, my dear friends. Remember you can sign up to receive the blog in your inbox on the right-hand side.



Answer with a Kiss!!!


1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.

2. Stop running from your problems.

3. Stop lying to yourself.

4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.

5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not.

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.

7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.

8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.

9. Stop trying to buy happiness.

10. Stop looking to others for happiness.

11. Stop waiting.

12. Stop thinking you’re not ready.

13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.


15. Stop trying to compete against everybody else.

16. Stop being jealous of others.

17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

18. Stop holding grudges.

19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.


22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.

23. Stop trying to make things perfect.

24. Stop following the path of least resistance.

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t.

26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.

28. Stop worrying so much.

29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen.

30. Stop being ungrateful.












5. Self Love 101.










10. Two words – Right On: All Rise.



















The Heart wants What It Wants!!!

















15. Sometimes it is better to be kind than right.








1. A required part of the recipe of life.




3. Simply, Boom!!!












9. It’s in both your DNA’s.


10. And she: Born To Be Yours.






13. Remember to keep an eye out for this.


14. Yep to this: A Song For You.












  1. Find a passion that makes you come alive.
  2. Work hard on that passion.
  3. Live happily in your own way.
  5. When the going gets tough, keep fighting.
  7. Embrace new ideas, lessons, and challenges.
  9. Live honourably through kindness.
  10. Spend quality time with people you love.
  11. Keep your heart open at all times.















7. Love and Respect For All, Everybody Included.





















You Can Never Go Back!!!


It’s time to create extraordinary relationships, are you ready?
3. Sir Richard’s take on it.
7. My man Thich Nhat Hanh, you rock.
9. Lot’s of Heart opening too.
13. Welcome to your new career, my fellow participants.

Stop Clicking Your Pens!!!













5. What to carry in your makeup kit for life.


6. From Russia with Love: Time and Glass.


7. It’s up to Us.


8. Everyone is Free now: Everything is Free Now. 
















  1. What does the child inside you long for?
  3. What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?
  5. What are you most grateful for?
  6. What have you counting or keeping track of recently?
  7. What’s the difference between being alive and truly living?
  9. Have you done anything lately worth remembering?
  10. When is the last time you tried something new?

