A Pinellas Park man allegedly thought he was stealing opioids last week. It turned out he was stealing laxatives.

Peter Hans Emery thought he was getting pain killers. His bowels probably informed him otherwise.

Police arrested the Pinellas Park man after he allegedly stole what he thought were powerful opioids, the Smoking Gun reported. It turned out they were Equate Gentle Laxative pills, which promise “gentle, predictable overnight relief” from constipation.


That’s not exactly what Emery had in mind.

“He threw them away when he learned they were something else,” according to the arrest report.

The report did not say how or why the pills were mixed up. They belonged to an unidentified person who lives at the same address as Emery.

If that person was trying to pull a laxative-based joke on the 56-year-old Emery, it apparently worked.

The arrest report said Emery took the pills from a lock box last week, and that a video camera showed him pouring some pills into his hand. The container he’d grabbed was labeled “Hydrocodone-Acetaminophen,” a powerful narcotic.

Police say Emery took two pills then threw the rest away. He was arrested on felony charges since he had two prior theft convictions.

There was no indication whether the laxatives later provided gentle overnight relief.