Thursday, June 21, 2012

10 Things Not to Say

I've read several of these posts. I have loved them all, even though I don't always get the amount of angst some people feel from idiotic comments. Since I've heard several idiotic comments recently, I thought I'd share a top 10 of my own.

1. "Why are you all dressed up today?" You may think this is a compliment, but it's not. It infers that the person does not usually dress in such a way as to warrant a compliment. Instead, just tell them how nice they look.

2. "How much did she cost?" (To an adoptive parent) I know what you mean. What you're really trying to say is "I've thought about adopting, but I don't know if I can afford it. Can you help me by telling me how much it costs to adopt?" What you said to the adoptive parent, "How much did it cost to buy your child?" *sigh* Just don't say it.

3. "I'm buying a pair of combat boots." Chances are you already own three pairs. They're not cheap. Sell a pair first. They take up a lot of room in the closet. ;P

4. "What? No school today?" Well, no. Actually, we don't do school on Mondays. Not that it's any of your business. In fact, even if my children were in public school, it wouldn't be any of your business. Just relax and realize that children do exist in the world, and sometimes they get to get out in public. Oh, and you probably already know the answer to this, so don't act all innocent.

5. "I would never have the patience to homeschool my children." This is not a compliment to the other parent. Trust me, I have very little patience. It also doesn't reflect well on you. Homeschool parents aren't perfect, just dedicated.

6. "Don't you know how that happens?" If a mother has 5 children, she probably knows how she's been getting pregnant. This comment is inherently derogatory. A better thing to say is, "Wow. You are so lucky." Yes. Lucky. Just do it. The look on her face will be priceless. You'll be unique. You don't want to be like every other jerk in the world, do you?

7. "Really?" Really. I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it. Stop saying, "Really?" when what you actually mean is, "I can't believe that!"

8. "I could care less." This means that you care about something, when, I'm pretty sure, the message you're trying to convey is that you don't care. The proper wording is, "I couldn't care less."

9. "They're in a better place." This doesn't make me miss them any less. It doesn't help my grief. It doesn't make them come back. It still means they're gone. It means being away from me is better for them. It's not a really nice thing to say. "I'm sorry for your loss," works every time.

10. "When are you going to have kids?" Well... maybe they're not planning to have kids! Or, maybe they've been trying to have kids for 5 years. Or, maybe they have kids and they're just not telling you. A better question would be to ask, "So, what are you guys planning to do this summer?" If they're planning to adopt, they'll let you know.

What comments have you gotten that make you do a double take? I don't tend to get my panties in a wad over these things, but I am out to promote tact. Tact, it's a wonderful thing.

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