Millennials, Stop Being Work Martyrs And Learn To Say 'No'

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Despite popular belief that millennials are entitled and lazy, research actually suggests that millennials are work martyrs. A work martyr is defined by Project: Time Off, as a person who believes it is more important to work long hours over true productivity. The work martyr often won’t take breaks or use vacation time out of fear he or she may be seen as replaceable or undedicated to the job. Project: Time Off’s survey found that roughly 40% of employees desired to be seen as a work martyr by their employer, however, 86% of employees surveyed, believed it was a bad thing to be seen as a work martyr by their families.

How can an employee achieve work-life balance if he or she is attempting to be so much to so many people? According to Project: Time Off’s survey, it comes at a high price. Work martyrs are actually more likely to earn less and receive fewer bonuses. Work martyrs are also more likely to put pressure on themselves, have a misplaced sense of pride, and feel unsupported at work. However, the greatest consequence of work martyrdom lies in stress levels, both at the office and at home. Work martyrs are 13% more likely to feel stress in their work/life compared to more balanced employees, and 20% more likely to feel stress at home.

In “Learning How to Say No When You Usually Say Yes” by Maritza Manresa, she talks extensively about why people, say “yes” for all the wrong reasons, including to be “the martyr”. Manresa writes, “the martyrs will take on one thing after another while feeling sorry for themselves because they just have so much to do, and then they make sure all those around them know just how much they have on their plate.”

Leila Hock, a career strategy coach, also explains how work martyrs can often find themselves with fewer bonuses or earning less. “Taking on every project or task that comes your way shows that you don't have a clear strategy for your career - a fact your superiors will surely notice - and can set you on the dangerous path of becoming a ‘Jack of all trades, master of none’,“ says Hock.

Not everyone sets out to be a “yes” man or work martyr. Hock explains the thought process behind work martyrs, “being the ‘yes’ man might feel good at first, it generally feels good to please others and become the “go-to” person.” She reports that over time the lure typically wears and often leads to unforeseen damages along the way, such as in one’s career and family life. She points out that, “when you say yes to everything, people assume you will always say yes.” Which in turn typically makes it that much more difficult to say ‘no’ or set boundaries.

How can “yes” men and work martyr’s start saying “no” and taking their work-life balance back into their own hands?

The COO of Farmers Insurance, David Travers, writes about shifting one’s perspective to focus on “no” as a positive, “If they [employees] can’t do a task I’ve asked of them, I expect them to say no. I don’t view this as problematic—to me it’s a positive. The worst thing someone can do is not say no, then end up doing the task partially, turning it in late, or not doing it well.” Travers suggests people pause and consider all of the possibilities and consequences before saying “yes” or “no”.

Even with a solid perspective shift, saying “no” can still be difficult for many and often brings up feelings of anxiety. If saying “no” is especially difficult for you, Donnie Hutchinson, author of “Lead with Balance”, outlines a three step process to help you consider the bigger picture of what is at stake. The first step is to define your values. Figure out who you want to be and get really clear on what the picture looks like. If you’re struggling to do this, one question to ask yourself would be, “how do you want to be remembered?” From there you can move into Hutchinsons’ second step, which is to re-organize your work and non-work schedules so they are in alignment with your values.

Keep in mind, no one was ever remembered for being the guy who worked 80 hours a week, putting a ton of pressure on themselves, earning less money, and feeling totally isolated from their work and family. Oftentimes, people can get more done in less time if they are strategizing their schedule . Lastly, Hutchinson recommends checking in and taking note “when you fail to act according to your values.” He recommends reflecting, resetting, and re-balancing during those times. Even standing in the mirror and apologizing to yourself during the reflection phase, so you can reset and rebalance accordingly.

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