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Jehovah's Witness Delivery

Deliver anytime!
  (+18, -9)(+18, -9)
(+18, -9)
  [vote for,

How aboot a delivery service that only employs Jehovah's Witnesses. Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate holidays so they wouldn't care aboot delivering packages Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve/Day. I know I could use this.
chuckmandoo, Jan 12 2001

Take your pick http://www.freedomo...jehovah/jehovah.htm
[thumbwax, Oct 04 2004]

(?) Someplace offsite we could take this... http://navisite.col...rvlet?clubid=131320
Ray's faith / reason discussion group, (note, there I am 'steelyray,' as my 'RayfordSteele' account was terminated because of an overflow of spam. [RayfordSteele, Oct 04 2004]


       If they're showing up at your door anyway, why not bring a package along?
bookworm, Jan 12 2001

       ...a big package with the words "Acme Pornography" on the outside.
hippo, Jan 12 2001

       I was hoping for a service that would deliver us from Jehovah's Witnesses at the door. ;)
arghblah, Jan 16 2001

       Waug, the trouble with that is this: If you listen for five minutes, you begin to realize that it's not worth the free shipping. And arghblah, here's a suggestion: Tell 'em you'd love to talk, but there's a human sacrifice/barbecue going on in the back yard, and would they like to join you? They'll probably never show up at your door again.   

       I think this idea would work, though. I think it's really clever. I know I'd like to make use of them. When they show up, you could tell them you'll attend a service and tithe if they cut your grass. As tithing is based on income, it's quite possible you just happened NOT to make any money that week, so you can gauge, for free, the quality of their lawn maintenance before you commit.   

       Then again, it's probably not cool to use someone like that--especially someone who claims such ties to the Almighty. Why risk it?
rachele, Jan 19 2001


       I think you nailed it! That would work. I love this idea, whether or not it's a Gallagher joke. Makes sense to me.
rachele, Jan 20 2001

       OK, how about if you told them you'll listen for five minutes, but you can only talk in the bath. You could use that line if the JW happened to be young and zesty!
wrinklehead, Jun 28 2001

       Well, as the resident Jehovah's Witness on the board, I must say that the chuckle I had when I read the intial premise died as I proceeded to read the annotations. I guess not many realize that Witnesses are actually volunteering their time to go out from door-ta-door. Some take 20 or more hours a week out of their schedule to do this work (as much as a part-time job).

I'm sorry that there are people on this board who feel that they were inconvenienced for a few minutes. I now see that the time could have been better spent producing concepts such as "Vagina Jam".

**Clarification: I really do enjoy this site immensely. I just thought the thoughts found on this specific concept a little deriding.**
Laktos The Intollerant, Aug 18 2001

       Volunteering for a service nobody wants is why nobody likes them. If JW's would take 'no', 'I'm not interested', or even 'Go the hell away already! How many times do I have to say 'no!'?' for an answer, they wouldn't be nearly so universally disliked.
StarChaser, Aug 18 2001

       So.... you all want to get rid of the JW plague? ok here's the method... invite them round for dinner. Invite a bunch of Hare Krishna's round the same night... sit back and watch the fun :)
valkyroo, Aug 18 2001

       I see a rapid rise in converts the next time UPS goes on strike...
RayfordSteele, Feb 19 2002

       Answering the door naked, explaining that it's your birthday, and that your gay lover is on the way home should hasten their departure... just be sure to grab your package before they run away screaming.
techie-girl, Feb 21 2002

       I think that if you grabbed your package, they'd run away faster. Might want to obtain your parcel first...<grin>
StarChaser, Feb 21 2002

       "Ah, these must be the hamsters. Perfect timing! You see, it's my birthday, and...[what techie-girl said]"   

       Yup, that would definately scare them away...
Galileo, Feb 22 2002

       << I guess not many realize that Witnesses are actually volunteering their time to go out from door-ta-door. [...] I now see that the time could have been better spent producing concepts such as "Vagina Jam". >> (Laktos The Intolerant)   

       Now there's an idea for a religious movement. Every acolyte must devote 20 hours a week to producing, em, Halfbakery ideas.
pottedstu, Feb 22 2002

       I don't know why I never noticed it before, but can I just say that 'Laktos The Intollerant' is an extremely funny name (apart from the spelling).
angel, Feb 22 2002

       Surley delievering packages would make them feel less embarrassed about being there.... after all there are serving a purpose and haven't wasted their time even if your not interested.   

       Ideally JW could perform this service for a small cost (very small) which would be donated to a charity of their choice.
CasaLoco, Feb 22 2002

       Pottedstu: We've already got enough trolls and losers producing 'ideas', why in the world would we want MORE?
StarChaser, Feb 23 2002

       I thought this would be a service that would deliver JW's to your door on request, for you to amuse yourself debating with them (or is that *debaiting*). Personally, I love JW's, Mormons, and the like. Endless hours of fun trying to convert them to Gnosticism.   

       Yeah, I know, that's bad of me. Hey, forgive me.
Guy Fox, Aug 25 2002

       They already threaten us enough, why would I want to see any more of them?
Almafeta, Dec 13 2002

       I usually ask them this: "If your child was in an accident, and desperately needed a blood transfusion in order to live, would you allow it?" Most say they would. When I point out that is forbidden by their religion (the partaking of blood), and suggest that they are religious by convenience... I'm suddenly the one who's bothering them, and my step is cleared with amazing promptness. Hmmm, another thought... "Jehovah's witness deliverance" a re-make of the film classic. [dusting off the 'ol banjo]
X2Entendre, Dec 13 2002

       Just some clarifications: JW's don't tithe; it's all supported by voluntary contributions. As Laktos (great name, btw) mentioned none of them are paid to do their service (which was a commandment from Jesus in case anyone was wondering why they do this), and they aren't embarrassed to be doing it. There are hundreds of thousands of people who are willing to listen to them every year, so it's not pointless and "a service nobody wants". None of those deterrents work permanently. They just usually laugh it off, and they'll return to see if anyone has changed or moved away. They are not threatening as one member posted. On the contrary, they are the most peaceful people you will find on the Earth. Of course there are exceptions, b/c no one is perfect, but for the most part, they are just looking to reason, not argue with people about the Bible, and trying to bring a little hope into people's lives. What monsters!
goober, Dec 13 2002

       "JWPS: When it absolutely, positively, has to get there with a copy of Watchtower."
Pharaoh Mobius, Dec 13 2002

       In my experience, most people don't like JW's because they know nothing about their own religion. If you are happy with your own religion you should enjoy talking about it to other people. Isn't that what Jesus did? Isn't that what Jesus told his followers to do? In fact, if you look in the Bible, he went from door to door. I think people get mad at JW's because they feel threatened. Personally, as a JW, I love it when Mormons etc. come to my door. It always makes for a very interesting and enlightening conversation. I know what I believe and I can support it, so I have no reason to be threatened. By the way, I think the original idea is hilarious and would work great. We already know where all the streets are!
jediprincess_3, Dec 13 2002

       If so, then Jesus was impolite.
jediprincess_3, Dec 13 2002

       That's cool. It's your right. And we know that some people feel that way. We expect it. Jesus said that his followers would be objects of hatred in the world just as he was. But there are still people out there that are willing to listen.
jediprincess_3, Dec 13 2002

       Miss Jedi, what you should understand is that what is considered 'polite' is a function of the culture you live in.   

       Jesus also lived in a time period where travel was downright difficult, even dangerous, and so the custom was to be a good host to everyone who showed up. Furthermore, he spent most of his early time teaching in the synagogues and preaching outdoors, and so developed a natural following, and would probably have a reputation that preceded him. In fact, the only time I can think of that was documented where he invited himself over was to Zacheus's house. Although I'm sure there were probably more, and we know that he was a guest in many homes.   

       Not that I'm against missions work. Not by any means. But that the methods chosen should reflect the needs and customs of the culture to which one is ministering. You wouldn't go to Ethiopia and just knock on their doorstep and yak about religion; you'd search for what was needed, what was the best approach, and how you could help the situation at hand. The same goes for here in America. You find where you're needed and wanted and not wanted in the particular culture you're in.   

       As a Christian, what I tell JW's is that I'll listen to their speil if they listen to mine. And truth is, I have enough resources and knowledge of the subject to make 'em start to wonder, if they actually do decide to stick around. That is, if they haven't been totally brainwashed.
RayfordSteele, Dec 13 2002

       [wee] I was not implying that you hated us in the connotative sense. There are many different forms of hate. If you like one thing less than another, then in a figurative sense, you hate the former. I simply meant that people do not like us. Which is fine. I am sorry if you thought I was imputing bad motives to you. [Ray] For one thing, we are not inviting ourselves in or asking to be let in. And we preach in over 230 lands. So we do go door to door in Ethiopia. I personally have preached in other countries and in my experience they do not consider it impolite to receive visits from strangers. They enjoy talking to anyone who is interested enough in them to pay them a visit. And we do have other forms of reaching people. The best way to date is still from door to door. I hope no one is taking my comments as argumentative. That is the problem with electronic communication. You can not hear my tone of voice. I really am not trying to be rude or anything. By the way, we are not brainwashed. I know exactly what I believe and why. I have done the research and I am very educated.
jediprincess_3, Dec 13 2002

jediprincess_3, Dec 13 2002

       Well hey, if anyone can convince me that organised religion is beneficial to those who truly don't understand what they believe or why, you can count me in. But I'm at least reasonably well-educated in most faiths (which is how I got to being confused in the first place). As long as you aren't hurting people, you're fine by me.
Damn, Dec 13 2002

       Link added.
RayfordSteele, Dec 14 2002

       They are not horrible people like many may think. Witnesses only do what they think is right according to their beliefs and they volunteer their time and energy to help those with their faith and ideals. They are also very polite and wonderful to talk to. Being humans, we are all not perfect, so don't assume that they are like many like to do. Regarding blood transfusions, X2Entendre, there are many medical alternatives to blood tranfusions, so a Jehovah's Witness who needs medical attention can actually have the treatment that they need and in many cases it is more effective than a blood transfusion. Although I am not a Witness (I suppose I'm a Unitarian type trying to find my ideals), but I do enjoy reading their Watchtower and Awake articles. Witnesses are friendly people who are interested in a good, philosophical conversation and I'm sickened with how they are percieved as being arrogant and pushy even though they are not. I'm not voting on this poll, but I don't know why you came up with this idea, but I'm sure that if they wanted to, they could do this and I wouldn't stop them, but I have no clue why they would have a delivery service. If Witnesses bother you that much, why can't you politely tell them that you are not interested or "No thank you." They also don't go around hurting people, ok damn? Oh, and their publications are very fascinating, if you have the chance, you should read a Watchtower or an Awake, you might learn something from them. That is if you don't slam the door and blow them off with a few four-letter words and an obscene finger gesture. I'm not a Witness but I'm glad that I can tell you people this information about them. I hope you learn something from Laktos the intollerant and jediprincess_3.
darkknight_152002, Jul 24 2003

       I have a friend who is a witness. I think that he respected me the most when i got x-mas gifts for all my friends except him.   

       I have another friend. He is a self proclaimed "recovering witness." He said it, not me. he says that he was raised as a witness "but then [he] went to school and got smart and realised how dumb it was." he is now without religion.   

       The witness dosnt smile much, and has a nice steady job at Wal-Mart. i've lost contact with him since he gave me an inacurate e-mail address.   

       the ex-witness remains at the icecream shop,he is also one of the most philisophical and content people i've ever met.   

       that observation of the contrast between them is my 2nd favorite observation from high school.   

       the first, of corse, is the lesbian love quadrangle (4 bi girls) that formed in my circle of friends.
HalfwayHebrew, Jul 24 2003

       I have a friend who positively thrives on visits from JW's. He has, in the past, shown them endless holiday photos, claimed to be David Bowie and made them listen to all "his" records, made them help him retrieve a chair from a tree in his garden (don't ask) and asked for an opinion of his own (bad) compositions after singing them and accompanying himself on guitar. They never get a word in edgeways and NEVER stay very long.   

       Saying that, I used to live in a street, a very small street, that contained a JW meeting hall, a mormon erm...chapel?, a spiritualist church and about 100 brats of the worst order. Guess who caused us the most grief.
squeak, Jul 24 2003

       [squeak] - you?
PeterSilly, Jul 24 2003

       I don't like it when they actually stand in the doorway so you can't close the door when you want. I don't find that threatening especially but it is impolite, and several have done that to me.   

       Anyway I don't think knocking on people's door unsolicited to tell them about what you believe is polite in the first place. Assuming that what you have to say is more important than whatever someone is doing at the time, even for five minutes, is a little arrogant. Of course a lot of people are happy to chat about what it's all about - just not me. Especially when i still have unwatched simpsons to catch up on.
trigger, Jul 24 2003

       I appreciate that JWs, Mormons and other evangelical types are acting from the best of motives in that they're genuinely concerned for my spiritual welfare, and consider it their duty to convert me from whatever heathen state I'm currently occupying, but what tends to hack me off is that, when asked "Are you prepared to consider the remote possibility that you might be wrong?", they invariably say "No". That's bigotry, and I have no time for it. It's one thing to be secure in your faith (that's what faith is); religious arrogance is something else again.
angel, Jul 24 2003

       [PeterSilly]. Moi? How could you even suggest such a thing. I was an exemplary housemate I'll have you know. No..it was the kids.
The JW's, mormons etc. just used to knock on the door once a week to offer us some leaflets/pamphlets/books upon which (after we had lived there a month or so) we would simply point at the precariously balanced pile of copies of said leaflets/pamphlets/books that was growing in the hallway like some bizarre fungus and politely refuse their kind offer.

       The kids on the other hand would ring the doorbell and then squirt water throught the letterbox (conveniently placed at crotch height), follow us to the supermarket and beg us to buy them fags and cider (they were between 8 and 12 years old), jump the wall to our back garden and press their naked arses against our living room window and walk behind us everytime we went out singing insulting songs of their own invention which usually incorperated our nicknames that they had thought up. Mine was "Bacon Rind". I have no idea why.
squeak, Jul 24 2003

       Please tell us where you lived, so we can be sure to avoid it.
angel, Jul 24 2003

       The other Newcastle.
squeak, Jul 24 2003

       I have yet to answer the door to a JW but look forward to some discussion. What I can't stand is "Do YOU have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ" I am a Catholic, of course I do! What is worse are people who will give you half a quote from the bible because the entire passage ends up saying something different than what they are trying to get across. The truth, the WHOLE truth and nothin but the truth and so on. Half truths are for more deceptive than lies.
althyr, Jul 24 2003


       I wanna play that game! I want to be the mad singing lady who sings songs in English about people whilst walking right behind them. I want to give nicknames to strangers! They don't have to be insulting songs, they could be nice. I could be hire-a-bard.   

       Sorry that I'm so amused by your traumatic experience, squeak. I promise to turn it to good.   

       Bacon Rind, (bacon rind, bacon rind)   

       Has a nice behind, (nice behind, nice behind)   

       I hope he has a lovely day (lovely day, lovely day)   

       In every way! (every way, every way)   

       Okay, I'll need to work on the lyrics...
Taika, Jul 24 2003

       [squeak]: Which other one, Staffordshire or Queensland (assuming that -upon-Tyne is the not-other one)?
angel, Jul 24 2003

       [angel] Staffs   

       [taika] your mastery (or misstery, whichever best suits your gender) of poetic artistry is a wonder to behold. Welcome to the halfbakery.
squeak, Jul 24 2003

       You people are cruel. Need I say more? Why should you use them like that?
darkknight_152002, Jul 24 2003

       I think this is a good idea. This would ensure that they stay busy making visits to people who have a reason to be happy to see them.   

       For you who hate having religious people knocking you your door, you might consider putting a sign on the door: "Jesus - Go To Hell!" Just remember that He might say the same thing to you when you see Him.
ZomGlo, Feb 13 2004

       I prefer the Ninja Delivery Man. Even if I gave it a fishbone.
mailtosalonga, Jul 13 2004

       My way of dealing with JW or mormon is to say "Wait there just one minute" I go and get a pen and paper and say "Now before you start telling me what you believe could I have your name and address so I can visit you and tell you what I believe."   

       Try it
tasman, Jul 14 2004

       Why would jesus tell himself to go to hell just 'cause he sees me? sorry, unforgiveable semantic joke.
schematics, Jul 14 2004

       tasman, that wouldn't be fair! You have to find them the same way they found you.
SemisapientSuggestionBox, Dec 27 2007

       They would try to convert you on the 4th of July!? No way, I want pizza just the way I ordered it, and with nothing supernatural on it!
quantum_flux, Dec 28 2007

       Anyone know of a group of atheists that goes knocking from door to door?
footzilla, Dec 28 2007

       Postmen ?
8th of 7, Dec 28 2007

       [UnaBubba] Here in the states, Scouts = Mormons, not atheists.
ed, Dec 28 2007

       Ok, just so you know there is but one way to get rid of the JW's (legally).

;Become a cop, get restraining orders on them all, then bust their asses till word gets out that you don't like them with a passion
xxobot, Dec 29 2007

       I believe in anarchy... does that count?
xxobot, Dec 29 2007

       Could you have come up with a more annoying idea such as Barney the purple Dinosaur delivery service. All while singing I love you and giggling in a silly voice. And bring you package wrapped up in party paper or Christmas wrapping with Santa Clause on it or other winter themes.
travbm, Nov 01 2015


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