Saturday, September 04, 2010

Parachute Men weekend: If I Could Wear Your Jacket

This one even has proper old vinyl clicking at the start:

[Part of Parachute Men weekend]

Kanye West believes sorry is a dish best served ice cold

After nearly a year, Kanye West has sort-of apologised to Taylor Swift for behaving like a cock at the 2009 VMAs:

Yes, that'd be why it had taken him the year to get round to saying sorry. Apparently, apart from Twitter, there's no way of having communicating directly with someone. If only the telephone, or email, or carrier pigeons had taken off, eh?

But this isn't really about Kanye feeling sorry - except, perhaps, for himself:
Kanye went on to say that the media vilified him. He alluded to his claim during a 2005 NBC telethon for Hurricane Katrina that "George Bush doesn't care about black people," as a point for which the media was looking to pay him back. He noted that in the VMA aftermath, the media played the race card and turned it into an angry black man versus innocent white girl issue.

"Even though the NBC telethon was widely praised y'all didn't think they was just gone let me get away with that did y'all???!!!" he questioned, rhetorically. "The media has successfully diminished the 'receptive' audience of... KANYE WEST. ...taking a 15 second blip the media have successfully painted the image of the 'ANGRY BLACK MAN.' The King Kong theory. With the help of strong will, a lack of empathy, a lil alcohol and extremely distasteful & bad timing ... I became George Bush over night."
With all due respect, Kanye, this is total pantwash. During the Katrina telethon, you said something needed to be said. It might have made others uncomfortable, but it doesn't make you wrong.

At the VMAs, on the other hand, you behaved like a boorish jock. It's not about race, although it is about gender. Whatever caused your little trot onto stage doesn't excuse it, and people call you out on it because you were wrong, not because you were black.

Yes, it can be argued you've played into a cultural stereotype by, erm, playing into a cultural stereotype. Do you think people should have looked away because of that? Are you saying you should be allowed to clamber onto the stage and honk away because to call you on it makes the complainant racist?

Frankly, trying to get a free pass on your drunken behaviour by waving the 'racism' card around makes you look an even bigger jerk than the original stage invasion did.

Perhaps there's a reason that your management try to stop you talking directly to people these days, Kanye.

Parachute Men weekend: Sometimes In Vain

So, onto homemade videos inspired by the then-current Chart Show approach to 'bugger, there's no video for number seven in the Indie Chart, what the hell shall we do?'

[Part of The Parachute Men weekend]

Gordon in the morning: At last, a good reason to buy a Katy Perry single

Because apparently, if Olly Murs beats Perry's current single to number one tomorrow, he's going to take his clothes off.

Gordon (or whoever is writing the column at the moment) is very, very excited by this:

And the big-talking Essex lad let me know last night that if he had to choose a fruit to cover his modesty it would be: "Without doubt a pineapple."

Glad he didn't say satsuma.
Why glad? And why, exactly, would you be asking him what sort of fruit he'd use to hide his cock in the first place?

Olly Murs in with a shout of a number one single. If ever there was a sign that the charts are without any value as a guide to the taste of the nation, that would be it.

Embed and breakfast man: The Parachute Men





Earth Dogs And Eggshells

Background information
Because Midway Still Aren't Coming Back on the Parachute Men
Parachute Men on Last FM

Some more Parachute Men stuff during the next few hours
Sometimes In Vain
If I Could Wear Your Jacket
Every Other Thursday



Yes, he's done it again:






Friday, September 03, 2010

Guns N Roses more fun as targets than musicians



Embed and breakfast man: The Drums

A spot of officialage from The Drums, supporting Down By The Water:

[Buy: The Summertime ep]

Gordon in the morning: Scenes from the end of a marriage

Without much of a sense of shame, Richard White and Sean Hamilton (Gordon must be on holiday, then) claim an exclusive on, erm, a court list:

CHERYL COLE is due to divorce love rat hubby ASHLEY in the High Court today.

The couple's case - referred to only by their initials - tops a list of splits scheduled for this morning.
It appears the Coles asked to be listed by initials to "avoid publicity". That worked, then.

You might wonder that, given the marriage was all over the papers, and Mr Cole's errors of judgement were all over the papers, and the split was all over the papers, and the early stages of the divorce were all over the papers, and the decision of Mrs Cole to remain Mrs Cole was released to the papers, that now is perhaps a little too late to be trying to keep things quiet. Indeed, wouldn't you want the divorce bit to actually be public?

Still, it's nice that - as Gordon promised us - it's all being sorted out before the World Cup.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Bono's friends: Tony vouches for him



A gift for politicking. That would be on the money.

Blair also touches on Red Wedge, Spinner points out:

Katy Perry feels so validated

Apparently Katy Perry feels she's matured since her last album.

You know, like a cheese does. Becomes just a little more ripe; you need to hold your nose a little more firmly before consuming.

She's told the AP that this new record is "really validating". In the sense of 'I'm not wearing any clothes at all for the sleeve this time round' is validating.

Perhaps she can explain what she means?

Ah, it's not validating in a mean girl's kind of way of feeling. Of course it isn't. It also isn't a feeling that's a girl's mean way of kindly validating really.

What I've done is a little unfair; I've scrambled up the words Perry said and come up with something meaningless.

She's included a song on this record which is about a man taking drugs:
Emotional filing cabinets are quite tricky things; just when you really need to dig out the details on the Paxton account for a meeting, it suddenly bursts into tears because its father never loved it. Or, worse, it reorganises all your files in order of who needs a hug the most. Really difficult to keep track with one of those, but slightly less physically damaging than a hysterical Rolodex.

But why would Perry write a song about a man doing drugs instead of another one about kissing boys or sometimes kissing girls? It's range, you understand:
A soundtrack for all the non-getting drunk emotions Katy Perry might experience. I think we all need an album like that, don't we?

Perry doesn't list what her 'not getting drunk' emotions consist of, but I'm reliably informed they are mostly 'grimly deciding to take top off for photos', 'pretending to be a little bit bisexual again' and 'look, look, there's a camera, did it see me?'

Any last words, Katy?
Yes. Some songs about getting drunk and a record about a man taking drugs. We have never had their like before.

I think I feel a little more validated, too.

Radiohead provide soundtrack for fan-made movie

Hello, large labels, management companies and record labels spokespeople! Can we just take as read your grumpy response to the following story will be the erroneous 'they can only afford to do that because of the investment the existing music industry put in the band'? Thank you.

Bunch of fans went to see Radiohead at Prague with handheld digital movie cameras; they got together afterwards and made it into a crowd-sourced live DVD. Radiohead found out, and rather than send a grumpy legal complaint, chipped in with the desk recordings for free.

This is what Nude looks and sounds like:

The whole thing can be downloaded from the Prague fan site.

The RIAA are offering to donate an explanation of why this can't and musn't work.

It's not all about Apple





Gordon in the morning: Watch out, Gordon

I suspect Mr Smart must be on holiday right now. He might find this disturbing:

Yes, that's one of his deputies, Sean Hamilton, appearing in the 'awkward-shot-with-celeb' photo. Supposedly Usain Bolt is "editing" Bizarre today, although it doesn't look like he's done anything other than give a brief interview. I can't really believe that Bolt had much to do with a story about Danny Dyer making rubbish films or something about Amy Winehouse's boyfriend.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

ContactMusic know what they're doing here

In a story about N-Dubz launching a brand of cheap clothes with their logo on:

The male members of the band - Fazer and Dappy - will release t-shirts, trousers and accessories through their line, Nanawear, while Tulisa will work on a womenswear label called TFB.
The male members of the band? Yes, that would be about right.

Gordon in the morning: Unlikely uses of the word unlikely

While you have to admire Mark Ronson's brave attempt to recast being in a jazz choir as a "Glee-like singing group", did Gordon really think when writing this bit?

Mark is an unlikely fan of the camp telly hit
First, it's not camp. More importantly: it's one of the most popular television programmes of these times. Why would a musician be an "unlikely" fan of something everyone seems to like?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Who says Universal doesn't invest?

Given that Universal and its RIAA partners are constantly pleading poverty, it's heartening to discover the label can find $840,000 to invest in just three months.

Admittedly, it's invested the money in lobbying - or "trying to buy politicians" to give the process its full name.

Lauryn Hill is running late. And so is Snoop.




If only she'd taken the time to prepare properly.


Lady GaGa has hang-ups, makes staff do hanging up*

Given that this story is completely untrue, it's surprising that Female First run it with anything approaching a straight face:

Lady Gaga is reportedly so terrified of the radiation emitted from mobile phones, she insists someone holds her communications device away from her head when she has to make a call.

Lady Gaga is scared of mobile phones.

Actually, we're probably being unfair when we say the whole story is bollocks. This bit could be true:
"She then listens to her calls on the speakerphone."
Crazy, huh? Using a speakerphone to listen to telephone calls without having the receiver up to your ear. It's surprising they haven't sent a sniper with a knock-out draught to take her down.

* - except she doesn't.

What can Black Sabbath teach the Church of England?




Just the Flowers



Yoko Ono suggests charity promotes the Lennon brand



But hang about: what's this?






Gordon in the morning: Bringing back the old housemates

It's not often Gordon is spot on, but his reaction to claims that Amy Winehouse is going to be Pete Doherty's landlord is probably right:

AMY WINEHOUSE and PETE DOHERTY living together is the worst idea I've heard in months.
Of course, when he says "worst idea I've heard in months", what he really means is "blimey, this column is going to write itself for the next couple of months, isn't it?"

Jean behaves like a statesman

When it first became clear that Wyclef Jean might not qualify to be president of Haiti, his team made some encouraging noises about how what really mattered was the process being followed; that making sure that rules are applied.

That the election doesn't turn into a circus.

It will be in that spirit, then, that Jean has recorded a song having a go at the electoral commission:

The song is called “Prison for the CEP,” referring to the electoral commission, whose decision he wants to overturn in court.

Mr. Jean also chides President Rene Preval as he sings in Creole, the French-derived language spoken by most Haitians.
Yes. That'll stop the whole process descending into a personality-driven sideshow. It's exactly what Andrew Jackson would have done.

Monday, August 30, 2010

More misery for EMI

It might take more than the next Robbie Williams record bucking the downward trend and Terra Firma barking up a few more quid to keep the US banks happy: there's a shortfall in EMI's pension pot which could getting on for a quarter of a billion quid.

EMI is hinting that if the UK Pension Regulator makes it keep its promises, it could cause the company to implode.

Sure, things are difficult right now for EMI - although the decision to load the company up with debt it couldn't afford isn't anyone else's fault - but as part of the RIAA, constantly lecturing the public on The Right Thing To Do, how can EMI possibly renege on a promise to the people who made the organisation what it was before Terra Firma took it over?

[Via Hypebot]

Reading - Leeds was great, says Mr Reading-Leeds





Benn was pleased with how professional the Libertines were:


Bono's fronds: Did Vox save a forest?

The Moscow Times appears convinced that Bono has saved the threatened Khimki Forest:

President Dmitry Medvedev ordered a halt to the construction of a highway through the Khimki forest Thursday, marking a rare victory for a grassroots effort that the authorities heavy-handedly tried to squash but nevertheless swelled into a thousands-strong rally last weekend and the intervention of U2 frontman Bono.
Really, though?

Natalia Antonova isn't convinced:

Unless he comes out and says otherwise, he didn’t bring it up with Medvedev. According to at least Chirikova (a prominent defender of the Khimki forest), he actually didn’t make any promises regarding the issue.

Bono and his stupid glasses can waltz in to this country and then waltz back out again with no risk to himself or his career, express “regret” for failing to raise any actual issues with the president, and then try to make himself look cool by aligning with someone like Yury Shevchuk. I’m wildly impressed.
It does look like all the heavy lifting has been done by Shevchuk and his campaign, while Bono has, once again, just turned up for the applause at the end.

Indeed, so late did Bono turn up, as Foreign Policy reports, he didn't even know about the planned driving of the highway through the trees when he was talking to President Medvedev:
Bono had gotten an open letter from Shevchuk before the concert about Khimki, and he spent the hours before his Moscow show giving pre-concert interviews to Russian papers in which he said he wished he'd known about the Khimki forest so he could've brought it up with Medvedev.
Given that protesters have been fighting the Kremlin for years on this - and the Kremlin has been violently fighting back - it must be galling for them to be hearing that their efforts didn't do anything and the forest has been saved, instead, by a tax-avoiding former pop star doing a Bob Dylan cover, who had only known about the road proposal for a few hours.

Not that the forest has been saved - the plans are being re-examined, which - as we learn from the story of Ringo's house - might merely be a way of getting the campaign to break up and disperse.

And, the real kicker: Foreign Policy suggests the stay of tree-felling is down to more pragmatic concerns than What Bono Says. The burning of Russia this summer played its own part:
Even Chadaev admits that. "The summer heat wave and the forest fires had a much bigger influence on our decision to save the forest than the noise around the Khimki forest," he told me, alluding to the catastrophic environmental disaster that many have blamed on human interference in nature.
Still, nothing is going to save this from being seen as another victory for Bono. Be warned: if you're currently campaigning to stop Tesco opening a store on your high street, watch out for Bono turning up as soon as he hears that the boys in Delamere Road are cooling on the plan.

Weezer retain their privacy

Obviously, it's their choice, but Weezer electing not to be filmed by the BBC during Reading does have a smack of the prima donna about it.






Sunday, August 29, 2010







Cliff Richard: My eyes, my eyes

You know there's something wrong when you read this:

And it's Congratulations to bachelor boy Sir Cliff on the near-six-pack
Yes, Cliff has stripped off for his 2011 calendar - only October, though, so you probably could go on holiday that month. Maybe it's a halloween costume?

What's strange, though, is the fawning write-up the News Of The World has given to the launch:
And if vintage Cliff continues to look this tasty in the next decade, then we've got something to say:

Son, you'll be a calendar boy and that's the way you'll stay-ay-ay-ay.
Surely it can't be plugging Cliff's calendar to keep in with the company which also produces the Hollyoaks and Cheryl Cole titles more in keeping with the Screws' usual content?

This week just gone

The most-read August 2010 stories have been:

1. Paul McGuinness wants us to save his music industry
2. RIP: Charles Haddon
3. Jack White doesn't like his natural audience much
4. Deadmau5 collapses under weight of costume
5. What's happened to Susan Boyle's money?
6. Qtrax reinvents itself again, again
7. Libertines make an announcement
8. The Sun drags Joe McEdderly out the closet
9. Kings Of Leon approach album making like a middle manager's job
10. Carphone Warehouse invite you to subscribe to music you alreay own

These? These are this week's interesting releases:

Mogwai - Special Moves

Download Special Moves

!!! - Strange Weather, Isn't It?

Download Strange Weather

Tame Impala - Innerspeaker

Download Innerspeaker

Freelance Whales - Weathervanes

Download Weathervanes

Klaxons - Surfing The Void

Download Surfing The Void

Lovely, lovely pens