


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔



This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving through the desert when suddenly his car breaks down

He has no idea how to fix it and is in the middle of nowhere. Under the scorching heat of the sun, hours pass by and his hopes start fading away.

All of a sudden, a grey horse appears from nowhere.

\- What's up, pal? says the horse. Can I help you?

The man is baffled. Where is ...

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....”

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!”

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!”

A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day....

.... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare.

I looked back at him incredulously and said "Why not do it on your own Accord?"



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Little Johnny overheard a couple of girls in school




An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the ...

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A man is lost in the desert without food and water

Over a dune, he sees a cave. Delighted, he rushes in, seeking shelter from the scorching sun. As his eyes acclimate to the cave’s light, he sees a pedestal surrounded by light deep in the cave. Upon the pedestal lies a slice of peanut butter toast. The man rushes towards the slice, but 1/3rd of the ...

Im really bad at culinary terms,

Char, sear, flambe, caramelise, scorch.

It's all Greek to me.

2 men were lost in the desert

Their car broke down and they were wandering for hours. It's midday and the sun was scorching hot. They're lost, hungry and their throat were parched. In the distance they saw a huge mosque.

Man 1: Let's pretend to be Muslims and they'll give us food and water.

Man 2: You go ahead and...

A penguin is driving on a hot summer day when his car...

... suddenly starts to make noises and smoke out from under the hood. The penguin coasts into the service space and stops at the garage.

The mechanic there tells the penguin it's going to take a bit of time to see what the problem is, and starts working on the car, so our penguin shuffles out...

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One day a penguin is driving down the country side..

Its a scorching july day. All of a sudden a cracking and chugging sound starts coming from the engine. So the penguin decides to coast it to the nearest garage which is about half a mile down the road. So he pulls up in this little village not too big with a few stores and cafe's and finally pulls i...

Oscar Pistorius was keen to get a new bathroom door....

but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Source: Scorch-O-Rama cafe, Wellington, New Zealand

A man dies and goes to hell...

He is led to three rooms, where he is told by the devil to pick one for his eternal punishment. The first room contains a man sitting in a flame, seemingly being eternally scorched by the fire. The second room contained a man being viciously beaten and stabbed. The last room contains an ugly, fat ma...

German Heaven and Hell

During Dante's journey through Heaven, Beatrice leads him to a circle of Heaven and tells him: "This is German heaven. You can only enter if you are guided by a German. This is why Gutenberg will guide you there". Gutenberg shows Dante German heaven – a big factory, where good Germans work hard. "If...

Two men in a desert



Let's pretend we're Muslims

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when they saw a mosque up front.

David said: “Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be yo...
