Gretchen Rubin

A Menu of Options for Making Small Talk.

A Menu of Options for Making Small Talk.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

This Wednesday: a menu of options for making small talk.

Small talk can be a big problem. I want to be friendly and polite, but I just can't think of a thing to say.

Here are some strategies I try when my mind is a blank:






5. If you do ask a question that can be answered in a single word, instead of just supplying your own information in response, ask a follow-up question. For example, if you ask, “Where are you from?” an interesting follow-up question might be, “What would your life be like if you still lived there?”



8. Be slightly inappropriate. I can't use this strategy, myself, because I don't have the necessary gumption, but my husband is a master. Over and over, I hear him ask a question that seems slightly too prying, or too cheeky, and I feel a wifely annoyance, but then I see that the person to whom he's talking isn't offended--if anything, that person seems intrigued and flattered by his interest.

9. Follow someone's conversational lead. If someone obviously drops in a reference to a subject, pick up on that thread. Confession: I have a streak of perversity that inexplicably makes me want to thwart people in their conversational desires--I'm not sure why. For instance, I remember talking to a guy who was obviously dying to talk about the time that he'd lived in Vietnam, and I just would not cooperate. Why not? I should've been thrilled to find a good subject for discussion.

10. Along the same lines, counter-intuitively, don't try to talk about your favorite topic, because you'll be tempted to talk too much. This is a strategy that I often fail to follow, but I should follow it. I'll get preoccupied with a topic and want to talk about it all the time, with everyone I meet, and I have a lot to say. My husband is a martyr to the subject of happiness.

How about you? Have you found any good strategies for making polite chit-chat?

For more tips about polite conversation, check out these tips for knowing if you're boring someone.


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