
h a l f b a k e r y
Not the Happy Cuddle Club.



account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Please log in.


The Ultimate Weapon of War!
  (+4, -9)(+4, -9)
(+4, -9)
  [vote for,

Pigs have always been used in warfare. From the flaming pigs of the Romans used to gore enemies and scare away elephants, to the Medieval peoples using dead pigs to be launched out of a trebuchet. Unfortunately, the modern era has no pig-based weapon, other than high amounts of cholesterol resulting in cerebral thrombosis. The time period lacking such inventions, I hereby create the first official Pig-Based weapon of the 21st century!

But first, why pigs? When in a state of terror, pigs squeal. This is no ordinary squeal! It hurts the ears. And it's mean. Why else choose pigs? The Medieval people knew this property of the pig as well as any football player. Pigs are aerodynamic, whether in natural form or in football form. As such, their aerodynamic shape can be used to our advantage in this new pig-based weapon!

Now for the good part, the actual weapon. You take a small jet engine and a short-term fuel pod (we only need about a minute of actual flight time), winglets, and lots of duct tape. Via duct tape the fuel pod is strapped onto the pig's belly, the jet engine to the top of the pig, and small winglets to each of the four feet. Now pigs can fly... and participate in bombing runs and aerial bombardments and artillery strikes.

And so we have the first new pig-based weapon of the 21st century, the Jet-Pig (Patent pending)!

Kozi4361, Jul 05 2005

Pig Trebuchet - Well more, pig cannon, really http://img24.imagev...b44c_incroyable.jpg
Courtesy of MonkeyFilter - Possibly alarming pictures, if you feel for pigs [Dub, Feb 23 2006]


       We already have enough pigs in the military. Or something.
DrCurry, Jul 05 2005

       //The Ultimate Weapon of War!// Thanks for telling us that with such enthusiasm. I'm developing the habit of fishboning as soon as I see an exclamation mark. It seems to be as good a method as reading such hogwash.   

       Pigs are scary, and they are mean, and they might make a good ground-based weapon--but pilots? You'd need more than winglets.   

       I saw a t-shirt once that told me that prayer is the ultimate weapon. Speaking as an expert on ultimate weapons, K#, what are my options for retaliation if someone starts praying at me? Can I unleash one of your pigs at them? Which weapon would win? What if the person is Jewish? Muslim? By fighting back with another ultimate weapon, am I not actually respecting the power of their religion?   

       When these pigs crash and burn, what kind of bacon will you make? Can you squeal like a piggie?
baconbrain, Jul 05 2005

       Pig cruelty, but vaguely funny.
sninctown, Apr 09 2006

       [Ian], is that the origin of the swine-avian flu? Airborne pigs?
Veho, Apr 28 2009


back: main index
