It’s our old friend the Red Flag. Ask the right questions to avoid future wrongs.
by Julie Berry

We’ve all heard to beware of them, we all have seen them crystal clear in retrospect, and we’ve all unabashedly wrapped ourselves in those red cloaks with resilient passion only to have our hearts broken again and again. There’s also the possibility that there could be a few more again’s to boot.

So why is it so hard to take these seemingly pesky “red flags” seriously? Because our grandiose vision of what love is wins out over the small details of character flaws and dysfunction within the human condition.

It can definitely seem unromantic to take your feelings out of consciously choosing a partner, but to sustain a happy long term relationship we need to look at potential partners with our rose colored glasses in their case. Your cup runneth over, you deserve to match with someone who can supply flow to their own cup of life.

Take note of the 5 Red Flags below before setting caution to the wind.


    1. Cocky Vs. Confident.

Most people list “confident” as a must in a partnership. Confidence comes from being “empowered” not from being a victim of circumstance. Pay attention to how your potential Bae talks about their circumstances and life choices.

Question to pose: Why did their last relationship end? Answer should focus on their contribution not just vilifying and criticizing their ex.


     2. I feel pretty, oh so pretty.

Again, we’ve become very comfortable settling for, “He makes me feel incredible” as a viable reason to fall in love with someone. We need to look at the facts of our potential lover through their behavior choices. These behavior choices will be there longer than your honeymoon phase, watch for them.

Question to pose: What does their behavior say about their priorities?


    3. Common interests and goals.

There is truth to “birds of a feather, flock together” & “ You’re only as good as the company you keep.” Within the principal that our external experience is a product of our internal reality it is key to look at what environments and people your Bae chooses to be involved with.

Question to pose: Are you investing your time in similar causes and like-minded people?


    4. Emotional intelligence.

Sounds ambiguous and possibly intimidating, right? Don’t be scared, this is an easy red flag to spot. Simply put, can your potential partner recognize and let go of emotional states in a healthy manner? Do they know fear, anger, jealousy and lust? Can they communicate those feelings while letting them go? Can they detach themselves from the ebb and flow of the different emotional states that present themselves day in and day out?

Question to pose: What makes you happy? Sad? The answer should be “me.” Emotional status is self-created; it feels out of our hands when we haven’t healed past pain and trauma.


    5. Talk it out.

Someone’s behavioural choices are vital information but is the communication on point? In the beginning of blissful courtship we make up excuses for red flags and waste a lot of time interpreting the other. Is communication clear and honest? Yes, it’s important to give the benefit of the doubt but also recognize how communication is used. Accountability and respect are key.

Question to pose: Does communication prove to be open, honest and respectful of both parties?


To round this out, there is a disclaimer for these red flag tips:

No one is perfect…

Yet the only way to make exceptions for these imperfections is to ask ourselves if we are actively working towards a better way to be? A partnership starts with one’s self. Yes. You. YOURSELF. Assuming you have done some serious work to know the nooks and crannies of who you have become from all the journey’s of your past. If you are ready to “create” and not be “completed” by someone you are one step ahead of the masses.

It’s not the easy part of life, but it will never let you down! This isn’t just talk, this is what we call action.

And it pays off… Every. Single. Time.

Get to it…


Julie Berry

Julie has an insatiable curiosity for all things adventure, love and consciousness. She's a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and also produces reality TV. She spends her free time traveling the world while exploring all things cultural & existential. She currently resides in Los Angeles.
