Emotional Condoms for Up-and-Coming Relationships

The following was submitted by a fabulous Ninjawitch sister, thank you! If you have any stories, articles, wisdom or courage you would like to share please let me know.


What is better than being 37, dealing with a heartache from a most lust-filled relationship, only to feel alone at the end of the day, hitting your head on the same wall of fear that seems to destroy budding relationships time and time and time again?

Being 17, going through your first heartbreak and feeling as though the world is about to end.

There are so many similarities: the body shuts down, motivation escapes you followed by logical thought. ‘Why me’ questions arise and pain looms at the core of your heart as you feel you are living your life in slow motion. Then there are differences: intense frustrations felt as to the cyclical nature of such demise, wonders as to whether you will ever get it right and the subtle comfort that just maybe this one time great wisdom with come out of this pain and shield you from making the same mistake, over and over again.

So what is this wall of fear that eventually seems to be found amongst the pleasantries and passion in a maturing relationship? This fear that in turns ends up destroying many new passionate relationships rather than the actual reasons feared destroying this seed of lust.

The fear of having our lives change, fear of loosing a part of ourselves, fear of loosing our friends, fear of seeing our single lifestyle change, fear of thinking our girl friend will one day become more cute than the sexy fox that she is, fear of falling into a comfort zone rather than nurturing a relationship based on passion, fear of being responsible and accountable to someone other than just yourself, fear that serving kindness and giving to another will turn into feeling resentful of what you left behind, fear of not finding that healthy balance of give and take, of joining your life with another path. And ultimately the fear of taking the risk that something’s will change in your life.

So what does a relationship actually mean? In this sense the dictionary seems to explain it as ‘A romantic and passionate attachment’.  When you attach entities together you get a new entity. It transforms itself. You can still have the pieces within this new attachment but together it becomes something new.

Basically it is foolish to think you can be in a relationship with someone and have nothing change. It is the essence of a relationship. So if you are scared of being in a relationship, of attaching yourself, of growing with someone, of nurturing what you are growing, then simply don’t be in relationship. You’re not ready. Relationships in itself will already be faced with multiple challenges that have nothing to do with 75% of the fears found in relationships where people should probably not even be in, in the first place.

Take out your emotional condom. Be responsible and engage in relationships when you understand what a relationship means to you and to the other. Don’t be in a relationship that leaves you vulnerable to deal with fears that don’t have to do with your relationship but rather issues around the very essence of being in a relationship in the first place. This only ends up hurting, hurting people who have nothing to do with these premature fears.

So here’s advice from someone who’s engages in more “new” relationships than has fingers and toes, next time you’re on a date and are seeking a relationship, perhaps ask this person if they understand the very meaning of a relationship and be clear about what a relationship means to you. Don’t be afraid to probe and bring out the drawing board to make sure you’re on the same page and eventually the same path, although that’s a whole other relationship issue.

A blossoming romantic relationship doesn’t have to be highjack by pre-mature ejaculation … I mean fear. It’s pretty simple, if you want to be in a relationship then embrace change and accept the risk this entails. For all you know it may be some of the best change you will encounter in your life as love in essence is a beautifully powerful and magical thing.  Only thing is, are you up for it?