Apparently every once in a while I need to rant about something. I am actually a very happy and mild-mannered person, but there are just some people who irk me. Here are the 5 that seem to irritate me more than others:

1. The Hipster: You know this guy. He always is asking you if you have heard of that new band or been to that new bar. He probably wears a scarf and is ‘effortlessly urban’. Sorry, I am just not that cool. I guarantee I haven’t heard of that band or been to the cool place (although I do wear scarves a lot).

2. The Expert: This is the person that knows everything there is to know about everything. You can be in the middle of a random conversation and they jump in with some little known, little cared about fact. I think of the movie Zombie Land when Woody Harrelson’s character says something like, “That’s like the penguins in the North Pole thinking that life is better at the South Pole.” and then Jesse Eisenberg’s character says, “Actually there are no penguins at the North Pole.” The response is the classic, “Want to feel how hard I can punch?” Because that is how you feel when you are around The Expert. Closely related to this guy is the ‘one-upper’; he sucks too but I wanted to keep the list at five.

3. The City Guy/Girl: (Usually seen hanging out with The Hipster) This is person who is always telling you why city life is superior to suburban life. They say things like, “what do you do for fun?” and “Isn’t it so boring?” They act like it is impossible to have fun anywhere other than downtown. I seem to manage every weekend. Give me a 6 pack and a friend and I can have a good time. And, yeah cities are nice for special occasions and museums, etc. but I really like having a yard and I never have to drive around looking for parking when I get home. When I hear a loud noise, I know that it is my crazy neighbor down the road with fireworks and not gun shots.

4. The Negative Nancy: AKA Debbie Downer. This person can suck the energy out of a room in 3 seconds flat! “Wow, beautiful engagement ring. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7 years and nothing!” She can bring you from ecstatic to sad in no time flat and you don’t even know what happened. I hate this person on Facebook!

And last but not least (my personal favorite)

5. The ‘Cute’ Dumb Girl: The reason I say ‘cute’ is because she thinks it’s cute. Yeah, that is really attractive. Giggle giggle, hair flip, I need a man to help me make decisions…. You are setting us back ladies. We are better than this. If we don’t want to make 75 cents to every man’s dollar we need to cut the crap. No more Kardashians, no more Real Housewives, no more Jersey Shore. We are making these women rich and it’s killing me!

If you like this post, share me on FB! I’ll be your best friend (unless you are one of the 5 listed above).