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I am an 18-year-old college student. It's been said that college is the time in your life when you can get the most ass in your life. My question: Where's mine?!?! I'm not some 300-pound Dungeons & Dragons-playing dork; I'm your average six-foot-two, 135-pound recovering drug addict. There was an article about me in the school paper and my struggle to get clean and how much of a better person I am because of it, but no dates came as a result.

I don't know what the problem is with the bitches here at my university. Goddamn it, I'm from Long Island, where people are normal and not like these goddamn rich bitches on campus here in Buffalo. What the hell is in the water in places like Levittown and Great Neck that makes the women into tube-top-wearing snobs?

--Looking Around, Longing for Ass

Gee, LALA, I don't know what's wrong with the bitches at your college. Most women can't resist scrawny teenagers who happen to be recovering drug addicts. And hey, in addition to all that, you're also a budding misogynist prick! I can't for the life of me understand why hot college babes aren't kicking down the door to your dorm room.

Ahem. Listen, king dork, nowhere is it written that you have to weigh 300 pounds and play Dungeons & Dragons to be a dork. Indeed, there are probably fat boys with good social skills and positive attitudes about women--even fat boys who play D&D--all over your campus gettin' more ass than you ever will. Certainly more ass than you'll ever deserve.

And while most people get a lot of ass in college, they usually don't get much as pimply 18-year-old freshmen. From the second half of your sophomore year to the end of your junior year you'll get loads of ass--provided you're not acting like an asshole. Unless you're on the football team, you can't be a total asshole and expect to get much in the way of ass--or any other orifice, for that matter.

My girlfriend, older and more sophisticated than I am, used to bring home another girl every once in a while, and we would have hot threesomes. But for the past couple of years this stream of pleasure has completely dried up. It seems she wants a stable, normal, two-person relationship. I really love her and she's certainly more to me than a provider of sex, but threesomes rule, especially two-girl blow-job sessions! What can I do to jump-start the hot multiparty lovin' without making my lady feel like she's not the center of attention? --Three Two One

Perhaps your girlfriend could be tempted into having threesomes again if you arranged for another man to join you two in bed. It would seem likely that, while you were enjoying all those two-girl blow-job sessions, your girlfriend was fantasizing about two-boy pussy-licking sessions. Your thoughtlessness in failing to arrange a two-boy PLS for her may have something to do with her putting an end to all those two-girl BJS. Make amends.

I'm a 26-year-old fag with a common problem. When I was an infant I received radiation treatments to my pelvis to prevent the regrowth of a cancerous tumor I had on my tailbone. Because of the radiation, the growth of my pelvis was stunted. I'm sure you can see where this is leading: my dick is really small. I'm well aware that there is a large range of dick size for men, but I'm only about two inches when erect.

More than once I've been laughed out of bed when I got my clothes off. In my experience, gay men are much more hung up on size than straight women. Because I'm also short and look like I'm about 15, it seems that the guys who are usually interested in me tend to be borderline pedophiles who like the fact that I look young but won't get them sent to prison. If I could get into it, then I suppose a small dick would just add to the fantasy, but the whole daddy/little boy thing turns me off big time. What's a horny fag with a little dick to do?

--Boy Wonder

Get used to it. Your looks are your looks and your cock is your cock, and if you rule out or resent the men out there who appreciate your small dick and pedoriffic bod, well, you're not going to get much sex. And if a guy comes along who's attracted to your adolescent body and your little dick but can still relate to you as an adult, then hey, you win.

Look, with that dick and your bod you're never going to attract guys into lumberjacks and hockey players. And even if you did find a lumberjack lover who'd sleep with you, the prospects for anything long-term would be pretty grim. How would you feel going to bed every night with a man who didn't find you at all physically attractive? It's far better to have a boyfriend into what you got (tiny dick, boyish bod) than a boyfriend longing for what you don't got (massive cock, beefy bod).

I am a 19-year-old university student. When I was 15, I had a lover who was 28. He was absolutely ideal, and we used to meet after I got out of school, several times a week, to engage in sex play. Neither of us told anyone because of the huge age difference and my being a minor. This went on for six months until my dad found my diary. (Oops!) The man moved out of the state for fear of prosecution. I have since grown up and always look back on this man with fond memories. I would like to see him again to tell him so. I know the city he lives in, which is several hours from my university. My question is: Should I pursue this or just cherish my memories and move on?

--Former Lolita

Should you give him a call? Hmm--that depends. Is there a statute of limitations for statutory rape where you live? If your father finds out you contacted the ol' creep and gets pissed off, he may call the ol' cops. In your shoes, I'd wait until after my fondly remembered old boyfriend wasn't in any danger of going to prison on my account before contacting him.

You missed a vital piece of information that should be shared with any woman who gets involved with a cross-dresser. Despite Ann Landers and Dear Abby and all protestations to the contrary, there is a good chance that when this woman's cross-dressing partner gets to be about 40, he will no longer be able to live with his deep inner gender-identity conflicts. At this point he will seek out therapy and discover that he has really been a transsexual in denial. Then playing lesbian will cross over into real lesbianism as she (formerly he) grows breasts and later has sex-reassignment surgery. While this isn't always the case, it has become a common pattern in the 90s as being a transsexual has become more acceptable.


Thanks for writing. No doubt there are many understanding wives and girlfriends out there reading this who, having got used to their male partner's cross-dressing, are now going to live in terror of their partners announcing they're crossing over into lesbianism. Sorry, ladies.


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