Sunday, 21 November 2010

718th Annual Gathering of Corpse Grinders

Corpse Grinding is an art all Satanists and black wizards have to become fairly skilled at if they want to make it in Dollywood (dark hollywood). Corpse dust is a powerful antioxidant, full of vitamin c and also full of black magical properties that make it the base for most evil potions.
However the methods to get the best dust are known by only a select few, who gather once a year, get drunk and gloat about how only they know it.
This year the Bleeding Our Souls wing of the group held the gathering and what follows is visual evidence of what happened, who was there and who we killed.

Carter DeChilde
This powerful hell mage is Carter DeChilde, He is wanted in 118 countries for Submarape, which is of course the dark art of raping people under water. He has never eaten in his life, instead he gains energy from consuming vast amounts of cheap cider in a ritual many call 'seeing it off'
see below for details.

The Bromide Contingent
So named because of the vats of liquid bromide they sleep in every night, this gang of inter-dimensional beings know secrets of the future that they use to their advantage in betting shops across the world. Their legendary status as corpse grinders precede them and it is widely suspected that they are responsible for the mysterious disappearance of thousands of cadavers from funeral homes across south east london and beyond.

Not one of these Nuns of Satan spoke a word of English. All we know is that they kill swans for a living.

Goran and Mischka
A pair of unidentical twins from the swampy deltas of the river Ob in the Ukraine, they are thought to be over 1000 years old and responsible for numerous atrocities across eastern europe, both holding high positions in the Nazi party during the occupation of the Ukraine in the 1940s. it is very likely that they were responsible for the systematic destruction of ancient churches across the area. Other than that a bloody nice couple.

Tarkor the Composer
In charge of taking the minutes of any official meetings held by the group, also the treasurer and head of external communications. Also claimed responsibilty for numerous terror attacks during the 1970s and early 80s including the assassination of President Sadat of Egypt in 1981. However due to him being only one white english male with no prior connections to Egypt, everybody assumed he was lying. He wasn't.

Kharleel hungers. The only thing that can sate this hunger is the hopes and dreams of the young. As such Kharleel works at the offices of the Student Loans Company.

Belinda of the Darken Nine
The darken nine is a coven of witches feared across central Europe in the 1600s for their prolific child snatching & eating activities, since relocated to rural china where they can work in peace. Belinda is their leader and commands the most powerful magical abilities. She brought this to the gathering as an hors d'oeuvre, it was delicious.

Bingle isn't a wizard, he's a fresher. He thought the Dark Gathering was a house party. He still does to this day. Nobody is sure how he got in. Fortunately he didn't learn any of our secrets.

Some people have definitely been left out, and for this I apologise. Tarkor recorded over 1,800 attendees, most of whom can be seen in the following group shots.

Then we went on a pilgramage to the local cemetary where we ground up some fucking corpses bro. Obviously we can't show you the actual corpse grinding, but we can show you the journey there.

We passed the OurSoulsMobile on the way, more about this Vehicle of the Damned to come in a post soon.
The Witches and one of the Bromide boys celebrate the ritualistic murder of a schoolgirl they passed and show us her oyster card.
The body is dumped in a local ditch, where it is urinated upon, standard practice.

A local phonebox was set upon, it was magically rewired so that it could only phone those you least wanted to speak to. And if you called the speaking clock it would now give you the wrong time. bwhaha.
We coaxed these street pastors into our midst with tales of love long lost and sea shanties about our time in the navy, once encircled in the group they were disembowelled, decapitated and devoured. A snack on the go.
The journey was long, and some of our number were so fatigued they collapsed at the front gates of the church, a dangerous place for people as soulless as we. For the front of a church has the ability to deceive and persuade folk to the side of light. Fortunately as a group we were too hardcoregothmetal to be converted.
we shimmied round the back and started work on digging up and grinding up, many a fantastic potion of malice was created that dark winter's night. maybe we will show you their consequences sometime soon.
maybe not.
we don't answer to you.
you're not our mums.

by aged 4861 and a half

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