5 ways women can protect themselves from Oklahoma

Unless you are a straight, white, republican, Christian male with a trust fund and full head of hair, the state of Oklahoma isn’t always the kindest of places to live. Especially for women. In fact, for women in our state it seems like there is danger lurking everywhere. I mean, every time I turn around it seems like my lady brain is finding something new to stress out about! So instead of just complaining about my worries like I normally do in my articles, I have complied a self-help guide. So here are 5 ways women can protect themselves from Oklahoma!

Don’t keep up-to-date with new legislation

Last year, Representative Justin Humphrey called pregnant women “hosts” and authored a bill aimed at making it more difficult to get an abortion in Oklahoma.  Women across the state were outraged by this attempt by a man to legislate their bodies. Women should keep themselves safe from ridiculous laws by staying away from politics. Because if women didn’t take the time to inform themselves on the laws that deny them rights of their own body, they would have nothing to be offended about.


Live in a rural county

In Oklahoma, it is often difficult for women to even feel safe in their homes. In fact, Oklahoma has consistently ranked among the worst states for the rate of women killed by men and nearly 4 in 10 Oklahoma women have experienced physical abuse by a partner. Women should protect themselves by moving to Alfalfa, Cimarron, Jefferson, or Roger Mills counties, which amazingly reported no domestic violence homicides between 1998 and 2016. That must mean that they are the safest counties for women and not at all that rural areas often have many barriers that make it difficult for women to protect themselves violence.

Don’t own a car

Last week an Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper was arrested after it was found he was allegedly using his ability to run license plates to get personal information on women he wanted to date, which isn’t as bad as pulling women over and raping them (Example 1 / Example 2).

In one instance, a woman at Officer Rodney Lynn Rideaux’s gym reported she refused to give him her phone number likely because she was A) married and B) her creeper beeper was going off. The woman claims that later when Rideaux saw her again he rattled off her phone number and mentioned he knew she lived in Oklahoma City. Rideaux also allegedly used his ability to look up information to follow his ex-girlfriend. When authority figures use their power to stalk ex-girlfriends and harass love interests, women in Oklahoma don’t feel all that safe. So women should protect themselves by never owning their own car, let alone driving without a man, so batshit crazy troopers won’t have access to their personal information.

Wear a cape on a daily basis

I can think of multiple reasons why people wouldn’t mess with a woman wearing a cape in Walmart.


Stay away from the capitol

There have been so many reports of sexual harassment in our legislative branch, we at TLO had to make lawmakers a guide on how to not be a sex offender. Being that there are no formal sexual harassment investigation protocols in our state government, women working for the capital may find it difficult to secure protection against harassment. So the best way to protect yourself from being sexually harassed is to keep your lady parts as far away from the capitol as possible. Besides 14% of Oklahoma lawmakers are women already, so it’s not like we aren’t fairly represented.

Hayley wears a cape whenever she damn well pleases. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek