sobota, 10. februar 2018



Where we're from there's no sun, our hometown's in the dark. Understanding what that means might as well just be the hardest of all the questions I ever tried to understand, because we don't make any sense of how we can connect so hard, but we come from the same circumstances, we were brought up so differently but the one thing we have in common is that we got the same idea of how to make it work. I have never in my 21 years and 9 months and 4 days of living met anyone who would be like me, not even a little, I haven't met anyone who would want to escape something undefined so much as me. I will never be happy as long as I am here. And then I met you and realised that you will never be happy as long as you are there.

We could escape and never return and be together but still wouldn't be happy.

And if you are programmed to always run from places and people, you quickly realize that there might not be a single place on earth to escape to that will make you happy and that is really fucking depressing. 

But it is the truth. We planned our escape and planning it with you was the only time I ever felt alive to the point I was actually generally happy with life and I never wanted it to be over. When it was over I kept dreaming it is still happening. Sometimes I still do it. I dream of feeling a quick rush through my whole body, about feeling like our hometown can manage just fine without us two and then I wake up and I am me again and it's just me and I want to scream and run away again, but I don't know where and I don't know how. So I just live day by day and to be honest I did nothing for the longest of time.

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