A Seat for Everyone

You walk into Usdan, Canada goose gently gliding in the wind behind you. You weave through the bustling gaggle of students who are ¾ hangry, 1/4 inebriated. You chuckle at your own cleverness in coming up with that piece of fraction humor. You exclaim to your friend, the one with brown hair wearing Bean Boots, “damn, why is it always so crowded in here”. She’s like, “idk, ugh.” You decide to peruse Soggy We$ Memes to fill the time it takes waiting on the Usdan staircase, a unique structure that gives you an elevated perspective of people’s scalps staring down at the tinder profiles of that kid from Econ.  

You come across a meme, a meme you’re sure you’ll understand, a template you’ve seen a million times. You know the one. That guy looking at a butterfly. And he’s like “Is this ___?” Classic. But then you look a little closer. The guy is labeled as “Wesleyan’s inconsiderate student body”. And that’s not all. The butterfly was labeled “Usdan Lunch rush”. No way. You are IN THAT RN!!! And here’s the kicker, the caption at the bottom, which is a little hard to read since you are trying to walk up the Usdan steps at the same time, reads “Is this a good place to hold an hour-long conversation with my friends even though there are clearly people without seats who actually intend to eat, not network.”

“Have you seen this?” you ask your friend in the Frat Cleats, pointing the meme at her and feeling slightly hurt but not being able to place why. “Oh, shit,” she responds, eyes wide in sincere astonishment. “That’s low key rude.” Pleased that your friend validated your initial reaction to the meme but still unsettled by how offended you feel, you muster a “yeah, it’s not like people are intentionally sitting there long.”

Throughout the lunch, your thoughts keep drifting to the meme. Had you been the reason someone made that meme? Did you talk for an hour asking your friends if they could set you up with that kid from Econ? Did you put your Canada Goose on a chair that someone could have sat in?

These questions consume you for about thirty minutes, but you soon forget, cuz like, it’s a meme and you have class. You’re pretty sure you weren’t one of the people who sat in their seats really long, and everyone you talked to so far said the meme was dumb.

Besides, it’s Wesleyan’s fault anyway. There aren’t enough seats for everyone.