Friday, April 21, 2006

Skating on The Precipice; To Gas or Not to Gas?

Nobody’s Opinion: What a week this was! CNN, FOX, and MSNBC were all desperately trying to feel the pulse of America, create an urgency of horror for us to tune in to so that we would stay in the vortex of impending fear and stayed glued to our television sets. There just wasn’t much to work with to fill up the spaces. When they start showing spring snowstorms clips, you know they are getting desperate.

Tom Cruise finally had his baby, and then, silence. That balloon popped and fizzled. The story of the stripper that was raped in a very small bathroom by it seems a whole lacrosse team and their drunken buddies was dragging along, until the other stripper that was there hired a PR company to get maybe a book signing. Halle Berry has already signed up for this part.

Aruba is more complicated than a Microsoft training manual and the bird flu is a non- event waiting to happen, no matter how hard they try to scare you.

Remember AIDS? We were all going to die. Scars? Anthrax? The West Nile Virus?
My neighbor was so scared by mosquitoes one year she thought that I was breeding them in my little backyard above ground pool. She suggested I did not need a pool. She was sure she was going to die. They are really good at creating havoc.

President Hu came out and like the dictator he is, acted like he thought he was sitting next to a cockroach when he was next to President Bush at the White House. Then he got up and said he owns Taiwan. He knows this is the time to take it when Microsoft, GE, and all the big guys want to get into his market. It’s already in the bag.

It will be that simple. He will just claim it’s his, and it will be. There will be no big reports about it on our news, because…it’s not good for business. Just a simple merger.

But the big story of the week, came on Friday of course. The price for a barrel of oil went up to $75.00. Everyone in America was thinking, “Whew---sure glad I filled up on Wednesday.” It’s not like we weren’t expecting it. The same thing happened last summer and the summer before last.

In fact, they hike it up right at the moment they know you will be driving. Remember just before Christmas last year it went down. All they do is deny the obvious.

I don’t know about you, but all the different theories on this oil stuff keeps you so confuse that you have no idea what to think. Everyone passes the buck.

Here’s the buck passing…and passing …and passing.

The men who own the gas stations swear it’s not their fault because 90% of the price is already established by the oil companies and the government. They make so little they say, that they have to charge more just to be sure that they have enough to pay for the next shipment. Pass it.

The government says it’s because China is now using more oil, so that means less for us. Besides, we’re gas hogs. We should stop going places and using all the gas up. Pass it.

Never mentioning that with every nickel jump in the price, that’s just more tax dollars taken off for them…so they are enjoying this. They COULD freeze the taxes on gas, or at least take them off temporality, but the chances of that happening is about as good as Dolly Parton going down to an A cup.

The men who buy the oil from the Saudi’s, Chavez, and whoever say that it’s the men of OPEC who set the price, and they have no choice in what to charge. It’s the Saudi’s sucking us dry, and keeping us forever fighting wars overseas so they can live the rich exuberant life they so detest. The buck is real dirty now.

So, in come the Democrats today, Hillary seeing blood, or at least a good vampire bite, and she announces we need another huge money- sucking government Department.

“We have the National Institutes of Heath: why don’t we have a National Institutive of Energy?” Right. Be sure, if Hillary becomes President, that’s not the only department she will create. She’ll have a department to create solar energy, a department to create wind mills, a department to create ethanol, a department to create bicycles and more rickshaws, and a department just to watch Bill Clinton.

She will suggest we all stop walking and use the new Segway Human Transporter. (A two wheeled scooter) and rickshaws will be put into every city, park, and school zone.

Never to miss an opportunity to blast her nemesis on Earth Day, she also blames President Bush for every single environmental problem in the world. Frankly, I hope she paints herself green, and goes for a long walk in the Amazon.

But here’s a little known fact: Some time ago The Unocal Corporation got a patent on a “recipe” for a lower emissions gasoline; it was upheld by a United Stated appeals court. This sent all the smaller producers and blenders running in fear of being taken to court for infringing the patent. Refinery’s stopped being built, and those who stayed in business have to pay a royalty to Unocal. This led to higher prices, and one of the reasons refineries are not being built. One wonders just what the royalty persentage is.

China tried to buy Unocal (which has a wide international market and base) and when the United States Congress interfered, China got tough. She went directly to Iran, saying to the United States, “Your US-based money is no good.”

So, where’s the buck now? Follow the no-good money. The new big market for the big companies is in environmental and energy saving devices… (windmills, ethanol, energy efficient light bulbs...) it’s the New World Order Mandate and so if we won’t give up our cars, the only way they can force us to create the problem, (high prices, melting icecaps) and come in with the solution, (smaller, ugly cars) and tax all these new solution up the buck-a-roo.

Another American freedom is being taken away, and years from now we will say while we are getting out our skateboards…

“Honey, remember that old SUV we use to have? Those were the good old days.”

Nobody’s Knows: The Royal Philips Electronics Company has patented a nifty little device that will prevent you from turning off commercials. This will be implemented unless we all stop buying everything ever advertised. It’s what they call a win-win situation. The companies will know that you can’t flip the channel, and the cable companies will charge you a ten dollar fee for the convenience of dismantling it.

Nobody’s Perfect: In my article this week, the man that killed his wife and two others for garnishing his wages actually had four children. I said one. But in fairness to me, I got my first information from the Post-Dispatch, who suffers from imperfection daily. I should have considered the source...

Nobody Cares; Area 51 is the size of Switzerland, and in 1564, John Sparke was exploring Florida and reported it was full of unicorns.

AND according to a book called ed “Black Gold, Strangle Hold,” oil is abundant all over earth.

Have a great weekend driving around while saying "To gas, or not to gas? That is the question."

The Sopranos of SimCIty

Nobody’s Opinion; “The more intelligence one has the more people one finds original. Commonplace people see no difference between men” ---Blaise Pascal

Like many people in America, I always try to watch the Sopranos. Archie Bunker has been reinvented into a very lovable mobster named Tony Soprano. Like Archie, Tony has many of what the Hollywood elite would call; “prejudices” and the rest of us would call normal behavior and emotions.

Having grown up with “All in the Family” I was very shocked years later to hear that the producer of the show, Norman Lear, was such a flaming liberal. “Meathead,” Rob Reiner, has stayed in character all this time. He’s still a meathead, just fatter.

I loved Archie and thought he was the whole show. And even though the producers and writers tried desperately to play up his stupidity, we all knew many of our fathers were like Archie (as was Rob Reiner’s father) and that he was just looking at things from his generation’s viewpoint. We did not judge him for that.

Norman Lear and Rob Reiner are now in their old age and what you would call extreme activists in the democratic left of the party. Not that that makes them bad. But not only did they not get out of the sixties ideology, while the rest of us moved on, but they have gone so far as to publicly ostracized the Archie Bunkers of the world, because they thought all of us stupid people out in TV land missed the lessons they were trying to teach us. Somehow the lovable Archie Bunker morphed into Attila the Hun. We are Bush loving, gay bashing, prejudiced, and ignorant cowboys.

All In the Family” was used to try to get all the Archie Bunkers in the world to accept the questions of diversity---racism, gays, anti-war messages, feminism… all the sixties ideologies that the left wanted to drill into us. Archie Bunker was their platform.

Much to their horror, we remembered Archie most of all for being a good family man, who loved his wife and daughter with complete devotion and worked hard to provide for their comforts. And mostly, Archie out of the love for his own family accepted his daughter’s Meathead, (and took care of him) and the black neighbors, and the gays, and all the nuts and bolts of society because Archie was the American man. He wasn’t mean, he was just Archie. He was an American who believed in himself, right or wrong, and crazy as it seems, we understood it. But the producers didn’t.

As Americans, no matter what diversity or affirmative action program gets stuffed down our throats by the SimCity gods of control; we try to accept it, because tolerance was part of our forefather’s creed.

The SimCity gods know we are good hearted people, despite how they portray us.

And that is what everyone loves about Tony Soprano. Like Archie, he is a family man. He loves and sticks by his family. He provides them with a good life. Like all of us he struggles to understand life, and does what he knows.

Still, because Tony Soprano is a crook, something tells me twenty years from now, the writers will not be downgrading his image because the difference between Archie and Tony is that Archie was a poor man who worked hard and was honest. Tony Soprano is a rich man who got that way by being a mobster, and we have many crooks now in the higher echelons who want to be accepted and not criminalized for any present and future crimes they might happen to commit.

If the lovable Tony Soprano can be forgiven… then their culture stays intact.

We are reminded on the program how Tony Soprano is no different than many rich CEOs who steals millions, or rich politicians who do the same. This message is not good. It’s ok to steal, kill, and rob, because to those in power, the end justifies the means.

The logic being... it’s all for the good of the people. We are Tony Soprano’s children.

The Sopranos” like “All in the Family” touches on the current topics of today’s society. In the last episode we had Tony’s daughter lament about how terribly the Arabs are being unjustly jailed by Bush’s grab for unconstitutional power. The other subplot involves the discovery of a devoted mob captain being gay.

Tony decided to accept his homosexuality because the man makes him money. One wonders if he would accept the fact if the man wasn’t making him money. But that isn’t presented.

TV programs and movies for decades have been trying to rewire our thinking. We had the Mel Gibson-Danny Glover routine for years-- and now we will get blasted with hundreds of Brokeback Mountains themes.(and polygamy for the Muslims) They started pairing up black men with white girls on TV, and now, you see many white girls married to black men. We even get the white boy rescues Spanish girl theme.

You get the feeling they want us all to merge…and become the very same color. The men, who play SimCity by programming our lives, and wanting all cultures to mate into one color, do not do this themselves. They marry into their own culture, and will continue to do so because it sustains their position at the top. They’ve read the very well researched report of “The Bell Curve” even though they will not admit it.

Meathead, somewhere in his old age went into the---“I’ve got to save the very small children of America since I found out that their little brains are being formed between one and three and millions of people are damaging all those little brains and we’ve got to get to these children, get them in daycare where they can be protected and nurtured by people who know how to do it right, because the parents are ruining them” phase.

To Meathead it’s called compassion. To everyone else it’s called state planning. SimCity is now being implemented with pre-kindergarten programs all over the country.

So, if they can’t change our attitudes with TV sitcoms, then they can only change our natural genetic proclivities by getting to our children before the age of three.

The SimCity Sopranos at the top now have Seseme Street for babies under six months.

My advice? Let the babies watch Archie Bunker.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

President Hu Jintao and His Best Friend

This was the only picture I could find of Bill Clinton and President Hu Jintao. Actually, I ould not find an image of Bil Clinton and Hu Jintao, so can Castro can sit in. After all, he got Elian.

The Good News and the Bad News of President Hu Jintao

The Good News: President Bush is only going to give the little guy lunch. He is not going to throw a big fancy Karaoke party and pretend he likes the guy.
The Bad News: President Hu Jintao could care less. His real intentions for this trip are to get more of America’s best minds and science to come over to his country and get out of the United States. Microsoft will split up its operations between India and China therefore giving China the best run computer systems in the world, and get everyone over there wired. Boeing will give them technology and 2,600 new 737s to turn into military bombers, (with the latest software from Microsoft), and Yale University will train all the best minds that Chinese can muster to take us over, and that’s quite a few.

The Good News; China will eventually take over Yale and Harvard; they are liberals/ socialists incubators and we don’t need them. Because Yale has been given permission to trade in domestic stock in China in return for all those future Chinese minds they are going to train, many Yale elites’ retirement packages will make the big oil CEOs look like they worked at McDonalds.
The Bad News; Most of the other universities in the United States will continue to harbor the intellectual’s liberal/socialists.

The Good News: China will not allow The New York Times, the Washington Post, or American Idol to be shown on the internet, BUT the big CEO’s don’t care because they just love dealing with a dictator. Jeffery Immelt of G.E. said it best; “They are so much easier than a democracy, where everyone has to debate everything. It’s great!”
The Bad News; Yahoo and Google will still be mandated to find prison bait by giving over all the sites the internet traitors have visited to The Republic. (Now, be careful, not the United States Republic, the China Republic.)

The Good News; Some of these internet “dissidents” will be able to sell their “donated:” organs to sick people all over the world for transplants. Everyone will benefit…the Japanese already are sworn never to attack China again for this gratitude.
The Bad News; Like everything else, China will be the world’s largest producer of human organs, thereby making them richer than they are, with more money to spend on nanotechnology research, which will be the next weapon of all mass destruction, thereby fulfilling Bill Clintons favorite prophesy “China will be the big dog on the block, and I will be their little dog.”

The Good News; Starbucks is going to go over and spread cappuccino to 1.6 billion more customers. Howard Schultz can move to the moon if he wants.
The Bad News; This is going to wire the Chinese to work three times as fast to out-produced the United States.

The Good News; The American Congress blocked the Chinese from buying up one of the United States biggest Oil companies last year...
The Bad News; Jimmy Carter sold them the Panama Canal, Bill Clinton sold them a big port at Long Beach and got them PNTR (Pretty Nice Trade Raping) at the United Nations, and our whole U.S. Congress (and Bush) just let them take our shipping ports in the Bahamas, leaving them to inspect all incoming containers for nuclear weapons.

The Good News: Bush has already presented Hu Jintao with a nice gift---
The Bad News: China will not be held responsible for selling nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons (as it already has and continues to do so) to Iran, Russian, North Koreas, the Taliban, bin Laden, and just about anyone who is the enemy of the United States. Ted Kennedy already has his bird flu virus on order.

The Good News: Our big companies like Disney, Wal-Mart, GE, Boeing, Goldman Sachs, and many more will get into the Chinese market to sell their stuff.
The Bad News: Lots of our people will have to move to China and learn Chinese just to feed their families. And since there are already 3,000 Chinese companies here in the United States working and manufacturing for the Chinese Army, there will soon be more, the Mexicans will finally get a raise and make the rest of us learn Spanish.

The Good News: When Hu Jintao became General Secretary of the Communist Party on March 15, 2003, he gave this speech;

Democracy is the common pursuit of mankind and all countries must earnestly protect the democratic rights of the people. In the past twenty years and more, since China embarked on the road of reform and opening up, we have moved steadfastly to promote political restructuring and vigorously build democratic politics under socialism.”

The Bad News: I think Bill Clinton gave this same speech at his first address.

The Good News; Steven Spielberg, an American Icon, is going to direct and produce the 2008 beginning and ending Olympics ceremonies.
The Bad News;
Yoko Ono will probably actually sing this time.

The Good News; When China takes over, the taxpayer won’t have to support as many illegal aliens because we will have the one child per family rule. The children in the schools will all wear uniforms.
The Bad News; The Mayor of Los Angeles is soon going to mandate school uniforms.The Clintons have been trying to get it done introduced for years, has done so in many so many schools, and still our kids remain clueless.

I know, you’ve had enough, I could have gone on and on, but blogs are supposed to be short. So just one more;

Good News: President Hu Jintao takes a good picture--- here’s one with Bill Clinton.
The Bad News: I actually couldn’t find one of Bill Clinton and President Hu Jintao anywhere on major search engines, so I had to use this one. It’s really Bill. Remember when he hurt his knee when he was drunk? No, I mean he was at Greg Norman’s house and tripped on his golf course? No…Hillary tripped him on his way out of the Lincoln bedroom one night? No…

China is NOT the only country who censors the internet, and that’s not good.

Where Is Richard Gere When You Need Him?

Nobody’s Opinion; Two giant megalomaniacs met today, each one has vowed to take over the world, and each one plans on using the other to do it. Who will win in this match for global takeover? Will Bill Gates finally take over the rest of the world, in which all paper will disappear, no more books will be printed (in the name of saving trees), everything that you own, watch, and eventually drive will be made by Microsoft? Or will President Hu Jintao let him wire up all of China, and reap the profits? Will Hu Jintao use Bill Gates and all the rest of the big CEO’s of America to get the latest technology into his grasp; thereby letting the Chinese copy it once again and eventually flood the market with an even cheaper system and FREE help to internet problems and in the end putting Microsoft out of business?

Will one day President Hu Jintao say:

Get out-- China owns all companies and all property, and even though our trade surplus in over 600 billion, we’re cashing in. And by the way, pay off your loans, or give us your country. We already have you surrounded; I want the White House painted red.”

The fact that a representative of a major foreign country flew in and met first with a CEO instead of paying respects to the President of the United States says it all, that it really is the big companies that are running our government.…but I do have a few more opinions about it....(of course you knew that.)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Did The Pack Catch A Gator?

Nobody’s Opinion; It was one of those days in life…you hear there is a gator out in your neighborhood running around and you want to catch the gator but, you end up being too tired. The news was such a cannonade of gators today that frankly, I just wanted to crawl up like a puppy and sleep.

But there was one particular story that caught my eye. Some guy, shot and killed his black girlfriend and mother of his child, then went to the catering company where he used to work, and shot and killed the owner and her daughter---then killed himself in the parking lot.

Of course, they showed a picture of a rather worn and tired looking old white lady on the evening news, and her plump and probably single daughter, as the ones in the line of fire. The business had been there for over one hundred years, and it looked about as worn out as its owners. Once it was a thriving neighborhood, but, slowly, as the blacks moved out of the city of St. Louis and to the North, the whole place transformed into a swamp.

Still, the family kept up the business. It was at least theirs. Or more likely, they just couldn’t afford to move. They had lost another member of the family years ago in a robbery, but still, they stayed. They were evidently attached to their local church, and gave generously throughout the years, and even helped saved it from destruction.

The witnesses said they gave food to the hungry and homeless every day. And trust me; by the looks of their pictures, they were barely making ends meet themselves. Good, decent, hard working Americans, just trying to get along.

But they pissed this gator off. Why? They were going to garnish his wages for child support--the cads. And everyone knows that’s the quickest way to piss off a gator.

I was married to a gator once. I also remember the day I decided to get rid of him. We had been fighting, and he was slowly cleaning his new magnum on the back porch, caressing it with every stroke of his special towel. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t thinking about how pretty it looked in the sun.

Well, of course I’m nobody’s fool. I took the guns (he had more than one) and gave them to my brother, who hid them. God knows where they ended up. I never asked.

It was one of the smartest things I ever did.

Anyway, around noon, it was announced on the local radio station that some man had bought bullets at Wal-Mart and told the person who sold him the bullets just exactly what he was going to do---go to his work and kill.

Now, you and I are wondering, who messed up here? Shouldn’t they have had a video of this guy? You would think, since it was on the news that a pathological idiot was about to murder some people, that the police could have prevented it with some quick thinking.

But…you find out that the police can only wait for the crime to happen. They are not in the business to prevent the crime. They will even tell you this fact.

How many women have asked for police protection only to have the policeman say; “We can’t do anything until he commits a crime.”? This answer leaves the citizen in complete panic, because frankly, you are on your own. It’s just the law. Even if the intention to kill is blasted all over the city, we just had to sit and wait.

This rule of course makes for a lot of dead bodies to be on the local evening news.

We never did find out what color he was, because if a black man kills someone in St. Louis, and this happens all the time, you will never hear a broadcaster say what color or race he is. The gator is never named as a gator.

Just like the fact that there is a fine line when black men kill white people, it is never considered a “hate” crime. But if a white person kills a black person, then it is prosecuted as one automatically. At least that’s how it works here in North St. Louis. That is at least the one true legacy of Janet Reno, bless her justice loving heart.

So tonight, a young black child has lost his or her mother AND gator, I mean--father.

The pack could have caught the gator, but it was such a nice day.

Nobody’s Knows: I wish to god someone would finally figure out just what happened to that girl in Aruba. It was on all the stations all day long. I have purposely NOT been following the story, because it’s obvious they are using it as a cover for all the much more important stories that they don’t want you to hear…like the Dubai company buying companies from the British which make our military hardware. The Aruba story is getting so old. I think Gretta should put on a cheerleading outfit and do some cheers to liven it up.

Nobody Cares; Malachy McCourt, brother of the famous author of “Angeles Ashes” Frank McCourt, is going to run on the green party ticket in New York for governor. The potato shortage in Ireland left such a scar that he doesn’t want one more person to have to die, so he is going to get rid of the death penalty, and nuclear energy, protecting the New Yorkers from ever having to become ashes. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)

Nobody’s Perfect: Senator Ted Kennedy wants John Kerry to run again for President. Poor Teddy thinks that America is leaning to the left now, due to gas prices. Teddy thinks this because he staggers to the left when he walks…therefore the whole world looks crooked to him. Someone should tell him America is actually leaning backwards. The poor man is all confused.

Nobody’s Opinion; Being as this is the 45th anniversary of the Bay of Pigs Non-Invasion, I was thinking about one of the few days in my life when perhaps my fathers’ habit of playing 36 holes of golf every Saturday and Sunday had finally done some serious sun damage.

I was just a kid when I walked up to my dad one day in 1962. He was digging a deep hole in our backyard, which in itself was crazy I thought because in Florida, go down too far and you hit water.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m digging an underground shelter.”

“Why?” I was not looking forward too eating beans with my brother for 3 weeks.

“Just in case we need it.”

He didn’t get far. He gave up after one day. Probably my mother told him it was a silly idea. But then again, my mother never had to pick up the remaining pieces of her best friends off the beaches of Guam and put them in a sack, after a night out with her buddies drinking Saki. A leg here, an arm there, mixed with human wrenching.

He must have hit water.

Nevertheless, when your own father, who had no fear of even the worst hurricanes, is afraid of annihilation, then you tend to be too, and the silly “get under your desk” drills at school did not help. Naples was and still is, just well within missile range. (Yes, unlike kids of today, I knew where Cuba was.) I dreamt of mushroom clouds for years afterwards.

I did remember my parents thinking JFK was a pretty boy idiot, and the Cuban Missile Crisis was a huge failure on his part. He was no Ike.

All these years later, we are now at the same moment in time when another missile crisis seems to exist. But no one seems to be alarmed, even at the mention of the U.S. testing bombs again outside of Las Vegas. As long as the slots keep working, it doesn’t matter. That’s how complacent we’ve all become. It’s much more important that we save up for the new I-pods. Or figure out just what did happen to that poor girl in Aruba?

Long ago, when war meant civilian casualties were not off limits to the United States, wars were winnable. The reason Japan is our friend today, as President Bush is so amazed at in every speech, is precisely because a democratic President developed, and his democratic successor used---nuclear weapons. (shhhh, don’t tell the liberals.)

Then we went in and rebuilt Japan in our own image so to speak, and the Japanese have taken their revenge in video games, electronics, and the destruction of our auto industry, simply because they were not allowed to have weapons for quite a while.

Now--- you can’t tell me that when Einstein was doing all that genius thinking, he didn’t know that someone could take his discoveries and build a bomb that would change all of mankind. Of course he did. But it didn’t stop him. He wanted the glory, and he figured it would be the other guys fault if they used his knowledge.

He tried to convince the world of his innocence, and the horror about what he had given to mankind…but men cannot help taking the advantage. They just can’t.

Blame it on Darwin and his survival of the fittest.

This same scenario will repeat itself in cloning. The men, who develop it for the benefit of mankind, will watch with sometimes pretended “horror” while designer genes are being patented and sold, altering the human race for all time…and every country that does not have it will want it.

Soon it will be “We can’t let Iran have the cloning patented sequences.”

I always thought it was ironic that Einstein basically gave the world the ability to create a bomb (even though he is cleared from any malevolent intentions), something that pits nation against nation in possible Armageddon for the planet, while Thomas Edison literally lights up the whole world, (not to mention movies, telephone, etc)---and guess who gets on the cover of Time magazine? The poor guy, who invented the internet, Tim Bemers-Lee, and gave it free to the world, will only be remembered in ancient computer instruction books and Ask Jeeves.

Sometimes I think the only reason the liberals like Einstein so much is that he taught at Princeton and Yale.

Now, when America is at war, it dares not kill any civilians in any country, even if our civilians are attacked without provocation. (The World Trade Center) What is O.K. for Islam is not O.K. for the United States.

This brings the advantage to Iran. Every one is so convinced that if Iran attacks Israel we will retaliate, but will we retaliate to win? Or will we retaliate by trying not to kill the innocent civilians, therefore setting ourselves up to lose?

And,what a propitious time it is for these Generals to launch their attack on Rumsfeld. They know that Rumsfeld means to win, because he sees this as a fight for civilization.

But winning doesn’t seem to be the option here---not upsetting Iran is. That’s the message that Clark, (who is still one of Clintons’ men) is telling everyone who will listen.

Once the nuclear bomb was invented, every country in the world wanted it, and thanks to Bill Clinton, they now all have it. President Bush was wise to go and give it to India after the fact. It seems it’s the, “It’s not fair you have one and we don’t.” logic, which when standing alone makes sense, except we all know men don’t always make sense. Some men are just plain loony. All it takes is one.

And in the end, right now, every leader in the world is just digging a hole.

Let’s hope they hit water. Or it’s the Bay of Pigs all over again.

Nobody’s Perfect: Professor Eric Pianka of the University of Texas thinks that 6.5 billion people on the earth is just too much to bear. He decided that 700 million would be perfect, and is hoping that the Ebola virus will mutate and do this necessary culling. For this he was awarded scientist of the year (by idiots), which means he is not the only guy in Texas who isn’t perfect.

Nobody Knows: if Tom Cruise was just kidding when he said he was going to eat his baby’s placenta and cord. I suggest they go on the new reality cooking program and make a contest out of who can actually make a delicious masterpiece out of it. I’m betting on Wolfgang.

Nobody Cares; General Motors spent 17 million for men who suffer E.D. (erectile dysfunction) Now-- all retiring CEO’s will get lifetime supplies of Viagra included in their severance packages. With all the money they are now getting on retirement, they will need it.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

If You're Not Green, You're Mean

Nobody’s Opinion; On the May issue of Vanity Fair, we see that Al Gore has finally found an outfit that makes him look masculine. Remember how much trouble he was having picking out his outfits during his run for the Presidency? With him on the cover are George Clooney, Robert Kennedy, and Julia Roberts looking like a fairy out of Midsummer’s Night Dream, or a stalk of broccoli.

Al Gore should hire me for fashion consultant. I would put a picture of him on National Geographic, naked, hugging a tree. After all, there have been a lot of famous woman who posed naked when pregnant: Demi Moore for one. The magazines sold out. A naked Al Gore---couldn’t hurt.

Then I’d take another shot with him standing on the biggest pile of garbage he could find, in sandals and a white Oscar de La Renta Suit. For a third shot, I’d put him in a diving outfit with goggles on in the middle of Wall Street on the cover of Forbes.

Poor Al, he doesn’t get why the average American (note average) does not care if the Hampton’s go underwater; or Washington D.C. or San Francisco, just like he didn’t know who all those statues were at his visit to Monticello.

In the issue there are simulated maps of these cities going under water due to global warming along with many champions who are wearing the green. There is the eerie picture of Martha’s Vineyard under water, and another of Hamptons titled, “Sunken Treasure.” Wow, guess the looters will have to learn how to dive.

This proves that this is an elitist concern. The rich have more to lose, and also so much more to gain by putting huge taxes and emissions fees on all of us poor people so they can feel safe.

Al starts his article called “The Moment of Truth” telling us that the Chinese have two symbols for the environmental issues. (I’ve been telling you the Democrats are in bed with the communists.) They stand he says, for crisis, and danger.

So he gets in a plug for the Chinese and one for the Bible: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” he quotes.

Yes, you get the feeling from reading this issue that the rich have a vision all right. They are truly scared that all “their” favorite places, will disappear. And their favorite place is not Boise Iowa. Remember, Clinton made sure most average Americans now have to stand in line for up to two years to see Yosemite, and then it will not be from the comfort of your own car.

Because they know the earth is going to end soon, they present a quicker solution than the bird flu. Ludwig Minelli of Zurich Switzerland is very afraid that people will be trying to commit suicide in this upcoming ecological crisis, and heaven forbid---it’s not an easy thing to do. If people mess it up, they will be a burden to society. Medicare could not handle it. Too many amateurs screwing up the attempt will be a nightmare to the government. So Mr. Minelli is planning to set up clinics in every country to teach you how to do it right. One Terri Shavio was enough.

And you will become suicidal, because Al Gore blames President Bush for Katrina, for Iraq, global warming and the earth being destroyed. We are told that the reason China, India, and Brazil will not sign the Kyoto treaty is because President Bush won’t. Poor Queen Elizabeth is worried sick about President Bush destroying the Earth, because England will go first. Who will pay for her castles?

Yes, President Bush, and the rest of us horrible Americans are going to destroy humanity one way or the other. Never mind that we don’t see any actual PROOF, they just keep repeating it over and over. And sadly, that does work.

They have systematically been preaching this mantra for quite some time. All the kids in public schools can crush soda cans and put newspapers in neat piles, they just can’t count them. The kids are told the whole earth will be destroyed by 2050, and they believe every word of it. Soon we will hear that we are addicted to trash. We’ve just GOT to have it.

When I was eighteen, I drove to downtown St. Louis every day to work, and the air was so bad that, on a hot summer’s day, you could hardly breathe. The smell of sour yeast from the Anheiser- Busch brewery was also enough to turn your stomach. Going out to lunch was not an option.

Now, all that is gone, pretty much cleaned up. Yeah, we had a flood here in 93’ but it was not as bad as the one in Mark Twain’s time. We still get tornadoes. They come in the spring, and you get in your basement.

We’re not ready to kill ourselves quit yet.

Of course, everyone admits, the weather has changed, but the sensible are not ready to accept that WE are the cause of the Artic melting.

This nobody has noticed a shift in the earth’s position. What’s my scientific method? Pretty much the same as how the Greeks determined that the world was flat. By a simple common sense deduction.

If you stay in one place all your life, and notice the settings of the sun from year to year, you MAY have noticed the sun does not set in the same place as it did many years ago.

So…there are many reasons for this, and I’m no physicist, but I’m more likely to believe that perhaps a small wobble or turn in the earth (which they know happens) would have a huge effect on all the systems of the planet, not to mention the sun, and the moon and everything else in the universe that we claim to know so much about.

But, that scientific theory does not make money.

And anyway, even if it were the people on the earth causing the problems, fix it. But don’t go backward in time and build windmills and solar energy systems that no one can afford.

Get the best minds to work on it. Built some hills around New York. Circle San Francisco with some of those nifty islands they are building in Dubai. Shape them like eagles, or a giant high heel shoe.

Speaking of big hills, it’s no coincidence that both the National Geographic and Vanity Fair have articles about the Appalachian Mountain mining this year. And didn’t it seem strange that there were all those coal mining incidences in one year?

Also...with the exception of New Orleans, mostly the rich live on the beaches.

But what about Katrina you say? The poor suffered there.

Even Nobodies can surmise that the very rich are very concerned about this problem. The Democratic Mayor of New Orleans, and the Democratic Governor could have been told of the opportunity to ease up on the help…to finally once and for all show the world that global warming is real. What are a few poor citizens when the whole would is in jeopardy? Not to mention the opportunity to make way for more Mexicans, with jobs and rebuilding. Demographic planning is so much fun. Ok…you say, now you’re just being mean. Nobody would do such a thing, and you’re a nut for even thinking it…NO?

Nobody Knows: Not many people are aware that there is technology out there that can affect the weather. Clinton's Secretary of Defense, William Cohen talked about it in 1997. He talked about using weather as a weapon. Some not so shabby scientists argue that it was possibly that Katina could have been manipulated. Even though it might not be true, remember that companies like BP Petroleum and GE are putting billions of dollars into development of the new global market of environmental solutions.

Nobody’s Perfect; Alan Greenspan regrets “international exuberance” during his reign as money lord of the world. He let out the plans out of the New World Order in the statement, “The world equilibrium is better reached by allowing a number of these countries (basically China, India, and Japan) which are growing at an extraordinary economic growth." (thanks to U.S. politicians and CEO’s) to continue to outdo us.

It’s called affirmative action for the world, paid for by the U.S. citizens.

Nobody’s Cares: On Tuesday night there will be a movie on Primetime about the Bird flu killing us all. Tonight, getting ready for it, President Bush is working up vaccines. Two million are predicted to die. If you have never seen San Francisco, now is the time, wait...better go see Mt. Rushmore. The taliban like to blow up sides of mountains.