Monday, July 27, 2009


The next topic I want to vent about because this is my blog and I can write about anything here in cyberspace.
(Although, many of my friends and family know my blog so yea its not much of a secret) I haven't posted in forever so maybe everyone's lost interest.
Oh well writing for me seems to be helping with my issues so I am going to keep it up! (besides its going to make great material for my psychologist when I need to go see one for my food issues!) I can hand this over and say here read this tell me how to fix me!!!

So I want to know what the deal is...
(Now all my thoughts are going to come out and may not make sense to anyone but here goes)
I don't understand it....why when you tell someone no thank you, I'm fine, or I already ate some they still insist on you having MORE FOOOOD. I have had a weight issue all my life. I am not sure if some of it has to do with me not saying no! (I mean of course a lot is my own fault for not staying active or taking care of myself by watching what I eat, but now it seems like a constant struggle)
Sometimes I just feel like its so much easier to just give in. Its not worth the time, energy or fight about it!
What is it... My GF the other day brought up the same subject. She also thought that maybe the "food pushers" are insecure because of your not eating. I don't know folks I can't explain it. It happens a lot to me.
ALOT at work! Well I guess its just one of the places you spend most of your time so of course there's going to be sooooo much pressure.

Ok so reasons I came up with FOOD PUSHING/Food Pushers:
1. They think your hungry...even though you told them you already ate.
2. They are trying to be a good host... but you've tried something else on the table that is a better choice for your lifestyle.
3. They don't care!!!
4. They're jealous you are doing so well!!!
5. Insecure because if your not eating you think their food is not good
6. Insecure that you can be in control (trying to sabotage your success)
7. I don't know its just me and my crazy thoughts!!!

I am going through this journey some how trying to stay sane. (yea I know what a thought hahahha)
I know I can't control anything anyone else does or what they do with their life, but why oh why are there so many people out there willing to mess with mine?????

Saturday, July 25, 2009

So not sure if you noticed...

The last 2 posts have been about my thoughts and feelings all about food & weight loss. I am starting to write it down as an outlet to maybe look back at & figure out why I am soo messed up when it comes to food & eating.

The hungrys

So what is it about boredom?
Why does it have your crazy mind thinking... hmmm you must be hungry.
Then I am all 2nd guessing myself,
~Wait am I hungry or just THINKING I am hungry???
The mind games I play while trying to live a healthier lifestyle seem to be never ending.

So what is one to do?
Make something or just wait around longer in your boredom to see if it passes.
~So after 15 minutes I decide to give in I started to make something. Since I'm unsure if I am really hungry or just thinking I am hungry, I have no clue what to cook.

I start out with chopping up some veggies... put them in a pan with some olive oil, so I can get that oil in for the day.
Next I start building upon the few veggies by adding some garlic & onions, a little seasoning. Next what do I do with the veggie mixture... do I add some meat, polenta, or eggs (egg whites).

What I don't get is how come there's no real sign! I think the best I can do is control the urge to just eat crap and actually eat something good for me as apposed to just eating out of boredom.

Its a constant battle in my head sometimes. Why?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Free food...

What is it about "free" food that makes some so crazy.
So I work at a large company that has meetings, often. Now most of the
group meetings don't include me or my group. There seems to always be
food ordered, not healthy meals either. I guess for more "normal"
indiviuals this doesn't pose any problem, but for some of us that have
an addiction to food, its sometimes hard!
Ok so because all those people who aren't included in the "food"
getting meeting it makes the food (I guess) so much more desireable! I
belive because it's FREE? Or they feel like since they work here to
it's their right or part of the perks, maybe it's a better meal then
they brought. What I'm trying to say is I'm not exactly sure what it
is. It's probably different for everyone.
So the point of this story is because everyone else wants/
desires to have some, for some reason it makes me have to have some!!!!
I know this may sound crazy to some, but I'm perfectly fine and
content with my own food usually! On "food" meeting days though I'm
not my focused self.
Not sure if its my competive nature, it maybe the "hunt" or the oh I'm
getting something you don't have. It's almost like I feel as though I
win if I get some FREE food, food that some of my coworkers really
desired but weren't able to abtain themselves.
What is that??? I'm not hungry or craving it by any means, so what's
my crazy addict food mind & body thinking???