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The Flow

Epilepsy, depression, anxiety, suicide and pyridoxine..


--- Will update continuously --- 

Before pyridoxine - suicidal thoughts almost daily for about six weeks straight. Very bad the last two weeks, with daily thoughts of suicide and so much crying. I have no previous self harm behaviour, but these thoughts have been scaring me a lot, because I have no idea how far it is between thinking these horrid thoughts and actually starting any type of self harm. So I've taken professional help (and so should you, if you can't deal with what's happening inside of you).

--- Also, I am not a doctor, but I'm very interested in research, so rather than just listening to them I'm also forming my own opinion about my health condition by reading the available research. ---

Day -2, 1/10. Very bad, all day. Desperate. So much crying. Suicidal thoughts. Went to the psychiatric ER and stayed there for about five hours. Got to see a really good nurse and an even better doctor. Felt better, got home. BOOM. Anxiety back, I am alone. 

Day -1, 1/10. Anxious, crying most of the time. Drove almost all day which made it slightly better. Lost it when I came home and was alone again. Crying. Suicidal thoughts.

Day 1 50mg pyridoxine, 1/10. Anxious all day. Forced activity with family, just to not be alone. Waited out the hours. Cried most of the day. Read some research. Realized B6 could actually be something for me. Bought it, started taking it. Suicidal thoughts. Called local doctor and my neurologist and asked them to rush my appointments as I can't live like this.

Day 2 75mg pyridoxine, 5/10. Woke up without the underlying anxious feeling I've had for the last 6-8 weeks. No suicidal thoughts. Took 50 mg in the morning, 25mg in the evening. Will stay at this dose until I get blood work done in a couple of weeks. 

Day 3 75mg pyridoxine, 6/10. Woke up with the urge to do stuff. Made my first track, washed up all my dishes, installed new door handles, went outside. Even invited a friend home in the evening for like five hours. Didn't die. Had mild anxiety in two bouts during the day (people induced). No suicidal thoughts.

Day 4 75mg pyridoxine, 6/10. Woke up with the urge to do stuff. Booked flights and accommodation for a Scotland trip, decided to go on a retreat (The Highland Challenge). Updated website(s). Cleaned out my email. No suicidal thoughts.