Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,

I am missing you.  Haven't seen you for a few days.  When that happens...it makes me a little sad.  You are in many ways one of my closest friends.  The one I tell my secrets too...for all the world to see.  (Wait a minute...that's an oxymoron.)

Why have I been away you ask?  Well guess what?  I've had a few hellacious days with my lovely children.  I don't know if it's the full moon...the pull of the earth...anxiety flying around in the atmosphere?  Maybe it's the holidays approaching and all of the stress that comes along with this "Most Wonderful Time of the Year?"

Christmas used to be my favorite season you know.  Two straight weeks of parties, events, dressing up, sleeping in.  Now it's a month's worth of work!  Preparation, shopping, decorating, sending cards, cooking, deescalating meltdowns, refereeing fights, cooling anxieties.  Oh and let's not forget pulling teeth to get my husband to help me with all of this.  He is the official Grinch who stole Christmas.  He's always a little bit grumpier around this time of year, because of the work that's involved and the money that we spend.  Bah Humbug!  For some mysterious reason, he always disappears for at least 2 business trips right before the holiday.

So Sunday was the biggest day from Hell that I've seen in quite sometime.  It started off with Red going off and being rude for no apparent reason, other than "We all make him so mad!"  This was by the way...during Church.  Isn't that lovely.  Hell...during church.  That is...church right here in our living room via internet.  He is usually gone to HIS church during this time, but he slept in today.  Lucky us!  So he decided to disrupt our service.  

He finally pulled it together and actually reached out to his Pastor who invited him to come to a youth event at church that evening.   He showered up and pulled out his video camera and off he went.  I believe they prayed with him while he was gone.  One issue down...check!  

Once we get Red calm...Blue decides to have a meltdown or 2 or 3.  I'm not even sure what they were all about, but it went on and off all day long, no matter what I did to try to sooth him.  Warm baths, yoga, comedy shows on t.v., baking cookies.

We haven't seen him act like this since before he started taking any medication.  Actually, we were trying to make an adjustment to one of the meds. (Big Part of the Problem)  We tried reducing it, because it appeared to be making him tired.  Well he completely fell apart.   Have I told you lately  how frustrating this freaking medication issue is?  I HATE IT! It makes you feel so completely helpless when things go wrong.  You question your decision to give it to them in the first place.  You blame yourself, and curse the fact that they actually need it...no matter how much you don't want them to.

It's so disheartening to watch your child go through such pain and frustration.  I have a tendency to get a side order of sympathy anxiety myself when one of them is so upset.  Why can't I just watch it like a bad movie and not actually feel every inch of their pain?  I guess that comes along with the package of being their mother.

Anyhoo...I'm glad to come back to see you dear Blog.  Not only are you a dear friend...you are my free therapist.  Thank you for being here when I need you.  You don't always solve my problems, but you are a wonderful release valve.

p.s. Readers...no time to edit this writing.  Hope you get the picture. Not much time available for beautiful writing during this lovely season.