Just Emkaying: January 2013

Jan 30, 2013

The Truth behind the SRK Controversy

As you may have heard recently, King Khan has been asked to shift home base to across the border in case he felt unsafe in India. This invitation came from a leader of a organization of "questionable"* repute*

( Repute* refers to "media"/"Don't-kill-me-am-quoting-Wikipedia" lingo for an organization that has been  marked as a terrorist outfit by USA, UK, Russia, Australia, European Union, United Nations and the leader who has a 10 million dollar bounty on his head in one of those US Terrorist Bucket lists.

*Questionable refers to his patrons who STILL say there is no proof against him and that they cannot arrest him. These are the very same patrons who said we are fighting terror and are absolutely sure that Osama was not hiding there, till the US came and shot Osama bin Laden in their own back yard)

Sorry for the detour. Where was I? Ah yes SRK shifting and all.

Honestly if this offer had come after Ra One, I wouldn't of thought twice of packing this fellow off, just for putting us through that scene with Arjun Rampal. Yes, "that" scene. But the songs were Okay, and I had good laughs for a few months, so you are forgiven.

In midst all this controversy, in comes the now famous for his foot-in-mouth comments, the inferior interior minister who says he is concerned about SRK's safety. To put in mildly - Why don't you sniff up who's blowing up people in your own country instead of worrying about our citizens, eh? Are you seriously saying that of all the people who elected you as a politician (God alone knows why) in your country, you are bothered about a celeb in our country? Very Suspicious, wouldn't you say?

Also, the minister says he wants to remind us and I quote, "I would like to request all Indian brothers and sisters and all those who are talking negative way about Shah Rukh, they should know he is a movie star."

Umm...Yes you Idiot, he is a movie star. We've seen from his stuttering days to his current stretch-my-arms-and-romance days. However, may I remind you, he is an Indian first. Also, we are not your brothers and sisters, at least am not. How about you pay a little more attention to all the "negative" shit you guys are doing at the LOC, before you come barging in on Bollywood like you barge in across the border every now and then?

Come to think of it, I would have made a counter offer to some of your people to come here and stay safe, especially those famous leaders who are declared terrorists globally, but of whom you seem to have no proof. They could live in Tihar and have world class Biryani. That Kasab fellow must have written to you guys no? Oh wait, I forgot. You abandoned him to die the moment he left your borders.

Frankly, looking at all the above, I think this is all related to with one thing, and only one thing.

Keep your grubby hands off SRK. He will not dance in any of your weddings.


PS - Try Saif, after Race 2, he'll probably need it.

Jan 25, 2013

Welcome to 2013

Hello there!!!

I see that you have survived the Mayan end of the world and moved back into the continuing, modern-man-made end of the world. I hope you had a great new year, full of alcohol, mad partying, and crazy fun like Rahul Baba had till he was actually "given" a "position" of responsibility in a party that his family has basically founded.

I hope you get the Rahul Baba inference. I can actually name him, its not that am scared or something, but...err...I don't want to DIE.

Or be arrested under some IT law and then having to put you all through ARNAB's - THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW....etc.

This year so far has been amazing. Seriously, can you imagine having to feel cold in Mumbai? In End January? Ever? Spicy Vada Pav's and Chai have never felt so rewarding.

Of course I wouldn't know since I wake up after the sun is pretty high up there, but I have heard from reliable sources. Like my watchman who is dressed in 4 layers of clothing and makes some saluting hand gesture when I cross. Or maybe he's trying to find his eyebrows under 2 mufflers, 1 monkey cap & 2 skull caps.

Meh. (That's twitter lingo for whateva, which is hip talk for whatever)

Also discovered was Hamley's Toy Store. I spent a total of 3 hours there and got into a fight with a 10 year old on a Lego block set that I had my sights on for like 17 years. After taking it while the kid was distracted, I had to walk all around the store to avoid attention for 2 hours. These kids today have no sense of respect for elders at all. I wonder how his parents can leave a kid in a toy store unsupervised like that. Yelling and Shouting and throwing all the things for a silly Lego block set. You'd think these kids would act more matured.

Anyways, I spent new years with my parents for a change. (A big change, it's been like 15 years) No Internet, no mobile connectivity, home made food, Dad's barbecue, some books and a cat that thinks that I'm a big pillow, for company. Quite a change from previous years. I also have deviated from tradition where I had a cribbing disappointing heartbroken narration of my achievements of the previous year.

And before you know it, you're at the end of month 1 in the new year. Salary time.

May the new year make more sense than the previous. Cheers!!!