Ten Signs Your Coworkers Are Jealous Of You

Dear Liz,

I love my new job. I finally got a job that uses my brain, and I'm ecstatic about it. However, my coworkers are jealous of me. I definitely have the most interesting job in our department, and I can feel my coworkers' resentment every day.

In my new job I'm the company's first Digital Marketing Coordinator. It's a commercial real estate firm. I have some graphic design experience on top of a lot of marketing communications and digital marketing background. I worked  for a commercial real estate company before so I was a natural fit for this job.

Watch on Forbes:

It's the perfect job for me.

The problem is that two of my coworkers applied for the job and didn't get it.

The rest of the team is friendly with those two people and now the whole department hates my guts.

They aren't even subtle about it. They shoot me dagger looks and ignore me when I say "Good morning!" or "How are you?"

Our manager seems oblivious to the low-key drama and I certainly don't want to mention anything to her.

What should I do?



Dear Gail,

People go through emotional ups and downs.

Your best strategy is to let your coworkers process the big news of your arrival at their own pace.

Don't react to anything your coworkers do or say, if you can help it.

Hang onto your friendly demeanor, but don't contort yourself into pretzel shapes trying to placate anyone. Don't get upset if somebody says something rude to you. There is no satisfaction in insulting someone if they don't accept the insult!

Here's a script to give you the idea.

Coworker: So Gail, I'll bet you will be presenting to the executive team again soon. That must be nice! The rest of us will be stuck here in the department getting no credit for our work. I'm glad you get your time in the sun as our golden employee!

You: You do an amazing job -- I'm sure everybody on the management team knows that! (smile, exit stage left)

End of Script

Your coworkers are acting out. They are part of a complex social system, and so are you. The coworkers who didn't miss out on the promotion opportunity may feel that they have to support their teammates by showing you how unwelcome you are.

Does the situation sound (and feel) like high school? It does. High school and the working world can sometimes have a lot in common!

Your coworkers will chill out eventually. They cannot maintain their hostile facade forever. They will settle down and forget about you when they have something new to focus on.

If the workplace turns out to be truly toxic you can invest just as much time as you need to collect some great resume fodder and then bolt, but I predict that your coworkers will forget about you before long and stop bothering to pretend they don't like you.

Here are ten signs your coworkers are jealous of you:

1. They talk nonstop with one another but when you appear, they clam up.

2. When one of them has a good day or a special accomplishment they congratulate him or her, but when you have a victory they pretend not to care or they turn silent and sullen.

3. If your manager praises you publicly, your coworkers keep their facial muscles absolutely still and show no reaction at all or they shower you with mocking praise a la "Oh, good for you, Gail! What a super star!" They don't mean it.

4. You are always happy to help out a teammate but if you should ever ask for help, everybody is suddenly too busy to lend a hand.

5. They actively sabotage you by giving you false information or blaming you for mistakes you didn't make.

6. They talk about you behind your back.

7. They tell lies about you to your manager, or other managers.

8. They make disparaging comments to your face or ask you questions like "So, exactly who did you have to suck up to in order to get your job? You don't seem all that well qualified for it."

9. They create a force field of hostility around their group and shut you out.

10. They say "You know, either Crystal or Jason could have done your job better than you do. It's weird the company didn't give one of them a chance."

When you feel vulnerable and tentative as a new employee, your teammates' hostility only makes you feel worse. Over time it will hit you that you are more powerful than you think.  Your team members are reacting to your power. You are mighty! You have no one to apologize to and nothing to apologize for.

The hardest part of dealing with jealous coworkers is to keep your emotions in check. If you become defensive and hostile yourself, you will have fallen into the same pit of fear your coworkers fell into when you showed up.

Resist the temptation to respond to verbal jabs with your own snappy comebacks. Doing so will only make you look like the criticism has gotten to you. Sail above it, instead!

Tell yourself over and over in your head "This is fine! New ideas and new people can feel threatening. I'm not a threat to these folks and over time they will see that. My job is to keep breathing and stay focused on my own role. That's my challenge, and I'm going to do it!"

Dealing with fearful teammates is something every working person has to surmount, and you will. You will win over your teammates and a few months from now they won't even remember giving you the cold shoulder when you arrived. The calmer you stay between now and then, the better for all of you!



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