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Mental Health || Anxiety and Depression

Mental health has been a growing subject over the years, but what does it actually mean?? Does it affect everyone?? Is it an illness?? Is it an excuse?? Is it the norm now?? Well, I'm going to go through some of these questions today and focus on anxiety and depression in my life. This is a tough subject, it can be hard to talk about and even worse to suffer alone...But don't worry, you are not alone and there is someone there to talk to.

So what is anxiety?? It is defined as "a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome." This to me only sums up some of the anguish that us sufferers actually face. For me it is not just uncertain outcomes that I worry about, it can be things I know the outcomes to yet I have this pull that makes me worry and get nervous about it. I'm not going to lie, I have good days and bad days, as anyone would. But, when you have anxiety these bad days are just amplified. Over the years my anxiety has gotten better, but then gotten so much worse. In this past year I have actually noticed that the anxiety has gotten a lot worse. It is so bad at time I fear leaving the house and that is something that I never though would ever happen to me. The most recent attack was when we has the plasterer round and I was too scared to go to the loo. I just sat there for hours in the same spot until they left. It is a viscous cycle, where you worry about one thing, panic, don't do it and then you panic some more as you don't know if that was the right decision. It can be debilitating and frustrating, things that we wish we could do we can't. This can be hard for people to understand. Comments come up like; "just get over it", "stop being silly", "just do it, what's the worst that could happen" and my favorite "stop being dramatic". Well to answer all those question...No, I can't just get over it, I'm not being silly, I could if my mind would allow it and I'm not being dramatic, I'm trying my best. 

Anxiety is like loosing yourself, being lost in your emotions. Like being trapped in a forest, with no way out.

Severe anxiety can lead to depression, but what is it?? Well depression is a state of feeling very low and the sense of impending doom. It's a deadly mental illness, and can take the best people that you would never think to have it. I for one have suffered from depression, it usually flairs up when my anxiety is at its worse. Your mood drops, and the world looks dull and grey, it can even affect your physical health. Back when I was living in Brighton, I hit an all time low. I was lonely, I didn't eat, and when I did, I binged until I was sick. The days slowed down and nothing made me happy or really feel anything, it's like a numbness that your accepting the darkness. It took time to pull myself back to the light, and every now and then the darkness takes hold and tries to pull me back again. I call it the darkness as that is exactly what it is, when I look back at those tough times I only ever see them in black and white. No color, no happiness, just the days going by, as if it was an old movie. Every step that you take feels like the ground is sinking and beginning to swallow you up. It is so very hard to get out of the darkness and it can be hard to talk about it. We can wear smiles but be screaming inside, but I found that knowing there is someone to talk to can make things a little easier. 

Anxiety and depression are real illnesses, they can stop you in your tracts and can impact your physical health as well. In severe cases your GP may prescribe medication, though it can be hard to confine in your doctor about mental health. It isn't an excuse, but I think the more we become aware of what anxiety and depression are the more people are going to talk about it. Everyone and anyone can have anxiety, and in actual fact we all have anxiety in our lives, it's just when it becomes severe that it can really impacts us. The more we talk about mental illness the more we can understand. We are learning more and more each day about mental health illnesses and sharing stories can really help. Not just to spread awareness but help those who may be affected, to show they are not alone. 

Finding the light through the darkness is tough. But, don't give up and don't think your alone. The help of others can help you pull yourself up and into the light.

It can be a scary place being trapped in your head, but I'm here to tell you that you are not alone. We all need a helping hand in our lives and sharing our stories can really help. So show some compassion and love to everyone, we may be hiding out feelings because we are scared. We don't want sympathy, we just want a kind ear and a friend.

Stay Gorgeous

I have collaborated on this with Lauren over at go check her out she is amazing.

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  1. Hi Jess!

    Just stumbled on this post and I am so glad I did! Anxiety and depression is such a real thing that people need to take seriously. I suffer from anxiety and even though people cannot see the illness it is very very real! Thanks so much for sharing this post!!

    xo Marie