Thursday, June 24, 2004

What They Really Mean

Have noticed that we spend a lot of time saying one thing and meaning something *slightly* different. Thought it would be amusing to write down some of my favourites

What They Say What They Mean
I did not have sexual relations with that woman! We went at it like rabbits.
A bit of weather (often heard in NZ). Torrential rain and gale force winds.
Shows initiative (in Student reports). He is cheating but I can't prove it.
A nice area. An expensive area.
A do-up. Its falling down.
A country cottage. A shack in the middle of no where which probably leaks.
A country cottage in need of some tender loving care. A shack in the middle of no where that leaks like a sieve.
A renovator's dream. It needs to be torn down and totally rebuilt.
Stunning views. It costs an absolute fortune (aka: an arm and a leg).
You might feel some discomfort. This is going to hurt - a lot!
Refreshingly honest. Screwed up, got caught and is now forced to tell the truth.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Dzeni's Theory

I have always wanted to have a Theory / Law named after me so here it is. Dzeni's Theory states that "People are idiots". It was originally longer stating that "Most people are idiots most of the time. The only people who are not idiots most of the time are crazy. There are basically no normal people left and the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket". The latter version was too long and hard to remember (not to mention controversial / potentially offensive) so it got ditched for the shorter version. Below is the evidence found to support this theory.

  • The cleaners unplugged a vital part of our computer system at school last night.
  • We spent the better part of an hour trying to fix the problem before someone noticed that the system was not all plugged in.
  • The NZ government "legalises" prostitution because the law does not match what is happening.
  • This same government refuses to adjust the speed limits (which are unrealistically low) so that they make ordinary motorists into criminals and use them as "cash cows" by ticketing them for going "too fast".
  • The Labour Party hassles the National Party when the National Party say they will consult with the US to resolve this Nuclear Free issue that we are having before asking the people what they think. Nobody points out that if the US does not agree to proposed changes, it is pointless to have a referedum cause said changes won't actually make a difference.
  • Most people will fall for the rubbish spouted by Labour instead of thinking the issue through.
  • People keep doing stupid things around me and then blaming other people for their mistakes.

Dzeni's theory coexists happily with by Erica's Theory which states "I am surrounded by Idiots". It is my hope that these theories may someday find enough support to become laws. Perhaps someday, they will be as accepted as Murphy's Law. With things going as they are, that day is probably not too far off.

Monday, June 14, 2004

The Great Shoe Saga

The Great Shoe Saga started when my darling dad pointed out the fact that my current set of black leather, ankle length, zip up, low heel boots were wearing out. What he actually said ran something along the lines of, "Don't bother to bring those shoes back from your overseas trip as they are buggered*".

"buggered" means broken / munted / stuffed in NZ and is not considered to be a swear word, especially after one rather popular Toyota commercial

So, the challenge was to find new black leather, ankle length, zip up low heel boots to replace the pair that was "buggered". I looked in Florida, I looked in Dallas, even visited Nordstrom to no avail.

The only kind of shoes that I could find in black leather (with a zip) featured, you guessed it suicidal heels. Am not kidding here. Wearing heels that high is dicing with death.

So after months (literally) of fruitless searching, bowed to the inevitable and got my "buggered" shoes reheeled and resoled (cost NZ$40.00). They should be fine for at least another 18 months. By which time I hope that the fashion for "suicidal heels" will have died a natural (or unnatural) death.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Fractal Fantastic

This Fractal was created using Tierazon. A really lovely fractal generator that I downloaded free from the net.

Windmill Fractal

Suffice it to say, it took a while to get it looking "just right".