Creating a Safe Haven Marriage

24970-ThinkstockPhotos-482229547_1200w_tnThe uniqueness of each individual in a marital union makes it imperative that a 100% commitment is needed in order to sustain the relationship. Although teaching couples to build a foundation of trust and safety in their marriage is essential, it is the responsibility of couples to continuously invest in creating trust which ultimately leads to emotional safety. When couples relate to one another in a trusting, emotionally available, and responsive manner their union becomes a safe haven. Their relationship becomes a secure base from where they venture out into the world (May, 2015). Creating a safe haven marriage is one of the strategies for strengthening marriages. This strategy is very meaningful because when a marriage is a safe haven, other difficulties faced in time will become more manageable (May, 2015). Creating a safe haven for each other in a marriage can enable couples weather any storm. However, the question becomes, can couples trust each other to be available when they reach out for one another? Will couples be emotionally available to and for one another? Will couples respond in a loving and attentive manner that is in the best interest of the union? The qualities of a safe haven are more about ways of being emotionally and physically available for your spouse. These qualities mean you are someone with whom your spouse can feel safe, loved, accepted, and understood. Marriage was meant to be an intimate relationship, thus a union open to vulnerability. How we respond to each other’s failings, short-comings, and self-doubts can build or destroy the trust that is essential to the intimacy of marriage. Acting with empathy and understanding creates an atmosphere of comfort, safety and trust. Creating a safe haven marriage leads to happy marriages which ultimately affects a person’s overall wellbeing. It has the capability to prolong life. It is ideal for couples to strive to nurture their friendships and relationships towards growth every passing moment. Couples should work on ensuring that their gaze is fixated in a forward mode, looking straight ahead as a union. They should ensure that time is allocated to talking to each other and enhancing their love maps. Couples should ensure that they move from selfishness to service, embrace laughter and humor, and parent with pleasure. According to Parrott and Parrott (2005) the most important thing a couple may ever do for their children is to work on their marriage, thus “nothing provides more security and peace in a child’s life than knowing that mom and dad are deeply in love” (p.80). Your marriage will be stronger, because as a spouse, you play a high-ranking role that is inimitable; therefore, it is important to learn how to be our spouse’s safe haven.


May, S. M. (2015). Coaching couples in safe haven marriages.

Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. L. (2005). The complete guide to marriage mentoring: Connecting couples to build better marriages.


The Challenges Facing Today’s Christian Marriages

I can't take this anymore
I give up…

Marriage was instituted by God in the Garden of Eden, thus “therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, NKJV). God’s intention for marriage was for man and woman to become a single united font rather than a divided font. It is sad that this division has crawled into the space of the faithful who are supposed to be custodians of God’s words. A study by Baylor University indicates that evangelical Christians have higher than average divorce rates than Americans with no religious affiliation. However, several factors have put a huge dent in the intended unity that was supposed to distinguish the institution of marriage from other unions.

Clinton and Trent (2009) state that financial issues is often the reason why 50% of new marriages end in divorce. Furthermore, a report from the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project showed that couples without assets are 70% more likely to divorce within three years than couples with $10,000 in assets. However, Gottman and Silver (1999) view financial issues as solvable problems that require “clearheaded budgeting” (p. 195). Couples who divorce due to financial issue do not successfully resolve the problem rather the issue develops into perpetual problems about emotional needs and power.

What other challenges do you see facing today’s Christian marriages?


Baylor University. (2014, February 5). Evangelical Christians have higher-than-average divorce rates, new report shows. ScienceDaily. Retrieved January 14, 2015 from

Clinton, T. E., & Trent, J. (2009). The quick-reference guide to marriage & family counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.

Miller, A. (2013). Can this marriage be saved? Retrieved from

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Three Rivers Press: New York, NY.

Effective Listening Strategies for Premarital/Marital Relationships


The importance of communication in any relationship cannot be overemphasized. The ability to listen carefully, learn to make adaptations, avoid changing one another, and expand the way a person listens makes communication more effective. However, a communication concept that has had the greatest impact on me is the importance of listening. Listening is when another person is talking to you, you are not thinking about what you are going to say when they are done talking rather you are totally tuned into the other individual. The implication of this description is that a listener is totally connected to the speaker. Therefore, one can accurately state that communication is nonexistent without listening.

Men and women are created differently and their communication patterns differ also. Every so often couples are faced with mistranslations regarding the messages they send across. In other to avoid these mistranslations, listening is vital. Couples should listen to themselves in other to discover how they actually speak. A tape recorder can be used as a communication tool to capture both the content and tone of the message being conveyed .This is essential because people have the capability of taking a sentence and giving it multiple interpretations or messages. Consequently, being able to listen to what one has said in a recording will help make changes where needed. It helps both the listener and speaker communicate with accuracy and not on misconstruction. Couples should listen and give each other full undivided attention. This entails putting down what one is doing which then signals to the other person that they are significant and valuable.

Furthermore, listening involves being able to accurately restate the content or substance and feeling of a message. This prevents misconstructions, assumptions, and mistranslations which often create tension in relationships. Without listening, there is no communication. A marriage without communication loses life. For that reason, it is important for couples to work on their listening skills in other to connect with each other and begin to work as a single union. When couples work as a single unified font life is restored into the union.

What other listening strategies have been effective in your relationship(s)?



Wright, N. H. (2015). Coaching couples in good communication

Hello Readers!

ID-10098944-SilhouetteFamilyWelcome to the blog, lifemarriageandfamily. This blog will focus on topics centered on the concept of life, relational (premarital/marital) issues, and family related topics. However, some posts may veer outside the listed topics based on trending current events. New topics will be posted weekly or monthly. The posts would be in varying formats like; Q&As, biblical insights, inspirational quotes, and discussion posts. Please, I urge you to be active participants by responding to posts. I also encourage you to let me know your likes, dislikes, and areas of improvement regarding the blog. Thank you for making out time to read this initial post, I am truly humbled.