This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 17 November 2018

Brexodus 14: Maysis maketh a deal

Continued from Chapter 13

1. For four months after the departure of King David Davis and Bo-sis the son of John, the mighty leader May-sis continued to guide the children of Bri-tain.

2. And a new prophet was appointed, Dominus the Raabi, who was to speak with Michael Bar-Nier, the servant of Pharaoh Juncker of EUgypt.

Theresa May dancing

May-sis performeth a dance to please the people.

3. So, as the winter approached, Maysis announced an agreement that would make everyone equally happy: that is, not at all.

4. First, the children of Bri-tain would stay exactly where they were, but would be told "Guess what? Thou hast left EU-gypt."

5. Next, there would be an end to the brutal chastisement with whips, which so grieved the people. Henceforth, the children of Britain would be chastised with scorpions.

Daniel Craig and a scorpion

St James of Bond suffereth chastisement from a scorpion.

6. For these blessings, as for many others, such as the throwing of the Irishites into the sea, the children of Bri-tain would pay nine and thirty baskets of precious stones.

7. But to the astonishment of May-sis, the people refused to accept that a new era of happiness was dawning.

8. First there were the Gray Lingites, the Adonais, and others, who spake out saying "Give us a People's Vote, for those who voted last time were not people, but mere serfs."

9. "And let us vote many times: let our Nay be Nay, and let our Yea be Nay as well."

10. Then there were the Corbynites who spake out, saying "We care not what happeneth, provided that we are given the keys to the Street of Downing."

11. And many of the advisers of May-sis fled in disarray, including Dominus the Raabi, who had still not determined what exactly he was supposed to be doing.

12. And May-sis sought for another adviser, and the lot fell upon St Stephen Bar-Clay, for he alone was slow off the mark while the others fled.

Jacob Rees-Mogg

Finally, the voice of the Mogg is heard in the land.

13. So at last, there came the mighty voice of Jacob Gogg-Magogg, saying, "Well, actually, don't you know, mine honourable friend hath lost honour and I feel that, on balance, it is time to cast her into a deep pit filled with savage dogs."

14. Thus Gogg-Magogg wrote to the chairman of the mighty council that is called 1922, saying, "Alas, my confidence in May-sis is departed. Here is a short list of 300 people who could do a better job."

15. And May-sis waited to see how many more letters were sent to the council of 1922: for her fate depended on this.

Continued in Chapter 15.


  1. For what has been done to the empire, these politicians should be rounded up and tarred and feathered. The British people are entirely too patient.

  2. Britain's problem is that it's major population centers are no longer populated with British people.

    1. Thou appeareth to be opposed to vibrant diversity. Thou needeth to follow the lead of the US and British bishops and getteth with the program. As the Merciful Bishop said: Unity prevaileth over conflict.

  3. As an American this is something I cannot understand: After the vote to exit the EU why the "H" can't the UK just walk away?
    Abrogate all its agreements with the EU and simply create new ones with either the EU as a whole or the individual (unhappy) nations in the EU?
    It seems simple. "We are out! bye bye."over 'working the exit out' has been no more than stalling in the hope that perhaps all of the people who voted to exit will die or, perhaps, Parliament will give the muzlim immigraants the vote so they can vote to rejoin with the dhimmitudal EU.

    1. Answer is, it can just walk away -- but the Establishment (AKA the UK swamp) doesn't **want** to.

  4. Chapter 14, Annex I, Protocol A :

    1. And lo, it came to pass that May-sis did travel to the Land of EUgypt to pay homage to the Pharaoh Juncker and to the Lords of his Court
    2. So that there they may make a proclamation to all the peoples of the lands
    3. Of the discovery in an unknown hard drive by wizened civil servants
    4. Of that Holy text of the Law of Brexit known as Draft-Ag-Reem-Ent.
    5. And as they were preparing for the Feast and for the sacrifice of many fishes from the waters of the kingdom of the May-Sis upon the altar of the Ag-Ric-Ulture known as Common,
    6. Lo, and did the May-Sis advance, dancing, towards Pharaoh, for she knew that by these wiles she might please him
    7.And taking 39 pieces of silver and giving them in homage to his hand,
    8. (And there came in latter days from the money-lenders of Bri-tain that which is called "and there's more where that came from guv'nor", the mighty prayer of the Gravy-ites)
    9. And kissing King Juncker of EUgypt on the cheek
    10. Lo, did the May-sis declare to him that Brexit means Brexit
    11. But unseen by all, verily did she give him the funny handshake and the secret wink
    12. So as to let him know in the nerves of his heart that nay, did Brexit not mean Brexit at all, but something rather different instead
    13. And so was the Brexodus proclaimed not to have been strong and stable after all, as so many had believed in days of yore
    14. But that it was smooth and orderly instead, and lo did the Merkel of the Germanic Tribes take joy, and proclaim :
    15. Alles ist in Ordnung.
    16. And Nigel wept.

  5. Oh everyone is just jealous of Dismay the Dancing Queen...what a mover and shaker she is on the dance floor. However this is not part of her job description.There is more to it than that.Mogger's Catholic and more constipated moves are probably more suited to the position.