Archive for November 27, 2009

The Luggage Abyss, Bed-Making Madness, and the Voicemail Vortex.

November 27, 2009 6 comments

How many times have we all made a call, had that person not answer, and then heard the following rhetoric:

“_____________(arbitrary name/number)” is not available.  At the tone, please record your message.  When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press # for more options.  To leave a callback number that you can be reached at, press 5.”

I typed that straight from memory.  I’ve heard it nearly a million times.  Are we still at the point as people, nearly all of us carrying cell phones, that we still need instructions as to what to do when someone doesn’t answer the phone?  Is the leaving of a message procedure so complex that we still require  recorded instructions to remind us of the correct protocol? How many people are hanging on like idiots after completing their message, unsure as to what the next step is?

 “Well, there, I said everything I need to say.  I suppose I’ll just stay on the line now. Yeah, that seems reasonable.  I’m sure he’ll be along in no time.”

Do we actually need to be reminded to hang up when we are finished our message? 

Oh, the lady said I could hang up when I’m done, right.  Wow, she sure was helpful.  I don’t know how I would’ve got through this without her.”

And who needs to press # for more options?  What other options do you need after leaving a voicemail? Were you hoping to engage in a game of Tetris, or learn a new casserole recipe or something?  You called to talk to the person, they weren’t there, you left a message… what else is there to perform? [note: you can go back and re-record if you weren’t happy with your message, what is this, an audition do-over?]  

Has anyone actually ever left a callback number?  Has anyone ever had a call back number left for them?  Don’t we usually just cover this in the voicemail?

I just think this is one spot where we don’t need our hands held; if answering machines have been around since the 30’s, and voicemail has been around the 70’s… at this point, if we can’t figure it out, we shouldn’t be allowed to use it. 


Am I the only one who gets the urge to jump on the baggage carousel at the airport, and ride it through the little car wash door, and see where it goes?  Surely, it just goes around in a circle, but can you imagine the look at the baggage slingers’ faces when a person came back out at them? 


Making the bed is the multi-seasonal, and sometimes daily, pointless activity equivalent of raking leaves.  Name me 2 other activities that you could potentially do everyday for the rest of your life, and not make any progress.  At least in the leaves case, a tree only has so many, and there are only so many trees, and you only have to deal with it once a season.  But you’ve got one bed, and its got sheets, and it’s going to get messed up, without fail, Every. Single. Day.  How many people are you bringing through your bedroom anyway, that would judge your character on the organizational status of your bed?  Are these the people you want to be around, anyways?

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