Monday, October 04, 2004

Perhaps self destruction is the key. The object people should seek. The Zen that many search for and need in their lives. Self improvement has been used by many others in the past and it has not worked. Self destruction rarely fails. Time will tell though in the end those seeking self improvement and fail will still have the option of self destruction. Those who seek self destruction if they fail may not have the chance to try something else.

Another Saturday night out. At the same bar at the last time. This time my friend decided she could get a taste of different girls at another club. One called the Vault opened. It was an underground building more like a basement. Couldn’t really call it a club or a bar as it was more like someone leased it and wanted to have some friends over. Rather seedy place with many people smoking inside even though city code was against it. It was a place that was how it was because otherwise it would be not as underground as it was. Either way the place was too seedy for me. The lightning was horrid and the smoke so thick it gets to your eyes after a while. I let me friend know I was leaving though I don’t think she cared. In the arms of another girl I think she had her itinerary planned. I left the vault a bit more relieved I was gone from the place. Though I appreciate the seedy urban type of place that was just a bit too much. Walked across a small plaza stopping at another place known for its alcoholic fruits that you could get for cheap. It was there I heard another whining guitar from a bar close by. Since it was late and no one lived nearby the city let places play their music as loud as they want. Not wanting to lose my hearing I decided to head to another place that I frequent. Slowly I wandered to the place pondering what band was playing tonight. It has been two weeks since I last was here and saw her standing there. Secretly in my mind I hoped she would be there again so I could apologize.

Knowing that would not happen my mind wandered to the day after that fateful night. I stopped by my friends house to wake her up for lunch and she appeared at the door wearing part of a worn out shirt that was more holy than a catholic picnic. Though I have seen her partially naked before this did surprise me and I think she noticed it some. She let me in and headed off to her shower leaving the door open to let out steam. While I stood there listening to the spray I heard her speak.

‘So who was that girl?’ The cloud of steam shouted at me. Slowly rolling into the hallway threatening to envelope me if I did not answer.

‘What girl?’ Did I accidentally hit on one of her friends?

‘The girl you bought a drink for?’ Ah she appears to have connections.

‘Which one?’ Sometimes I try to play the stud.

‘The only one Jeff I’m not stupid and Tina said you bought someone a drink’

‘Then why didn’t you just ask that straight out? Why play the game?’

‘Do you know who she is?’

‘Some girl who sings crappy music?’

From the cloud of steam appeared a dark figure. It approached me until I was able to make out my friend wrapped up in a towel with another one being wrapped around her hair.

‘Now listen to me. I am not in the mood yet to play any games. The girl that was up there is an old love of mine. I have fond and tender memories of her. You can be insulting, sarcastic, rude, arrogant, and demeaning at times. I do not want you hurting her otherwise I will be hanging your balls in my bathroom.’

‘Oh baby such tender words for your friend. Why do you have such an interest?’

‘None of your business. Just remember there are lots of other nice girls out there. Some deserving of you and others that should be protected from you.’

‘Gee why don’t you tell me how you really feel about me?’

‘Jeff I like you I really do. Otherwise I would not have put up with your crap for so long. But you can be trying at times. You can be stupid also. I don’t want you to hurt this one person. Can you do it for me?’

‘Alright I will but I have to ask one favor from you.’ I took a small step towards her and looked her straight into her eyes. A quick look of anger appeared on her face and she abruptly pulled her towel tighter on her chest.


‘I just want you to think fast!’ I grabbed the towel from her hair and quickly wound it up to snap her ass with it while she ran back into the bathroom. The resounding locking of the door interrupted my laughing.

‘I’ll be waiting outside for you. Don’t take too long making yourself look pretty. Oh yeah I was thinking we could do Mexican today for lunch.’ I slowly walked towards the front door and closed it behind me. Lighting up a cigarette I leaned against the railing pondering why she meant so much to her.

I ended up at the same bar. It was almost the same night. Except this time I was alone and she wasn’t playing on the stage. I felt a little disappointed but figured what the heck. Perhaps I can inquire with the bartender who she was and get me a few drinks. I slowly entered the hallway after showing my ID and getting stamped by the bouncer. I recognize him from high school. He was a nerdy person who in college got into physical fitness because girls were there and bulked up. He gave me a stuff pat on the back as he recognized me and I wondered if he remembered when I made fun of him in 5th grade. Hurrying deeper into the place I decided no matter what I will be on my best behavior because if he did remember no doubt he would seek revenge. As I got near the stage I went to the bar to buy a drink and while facing away from the stage I heard it.

‘You knocked me out
With simple words
Arrogance you flout
Removing my will
and ability to speak’

I didn’t catch the rest as I started choking on my drink at the bar while I stood there watching her. It appears she decided to add a piano to her repertoire. Someone else played the guitar and a third on the drums. It was a bit slower song than last time and I was able to listen to it after removing some liquid from my lungs.

‘What do you know
Of what I need
When you look away
While I plead
This sets me free
While you hold me down
Why is it about you?
it should be about me."

The guitar player and drummer picked it up a bit while I stood there and watched. She looked straight at me and got up from the piano. I don’t know if she has seen me before. She reached down and picked up another guitar from the stage and pulled it around her neck. Even from this distance I saw confusion in the eyes of her band mates. This apparently was not part of the song. The crowd waited for her next action as they caught onto the sudden change. The band kept playing carrying the same beat showing their showmanship. The show was continuing and I wonder where it would go.

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