'As a long-time nanny I know positive reinforcement is very valuable in child-rearing but it can be undermined by a lack of discipline.

Regarding your scenario, if my 5-year-old child refused to get dressed and the bus was due soon, I would dress him. While I would never use my superior strength to spank or otherwise hurt him, I would use it to put jeans on a pair of kicking legs or to place a rigid arm into a sleeve. If such tactics are consistent, calm and without anger, the child soon recognizes his options and will choose the proper way to go. At such times he should always be praised for a job well done.'

Thelma Fuller


'You pose a tough question. I've been there. Our son would know that if he didn't get dressed, I would miss work and stay with him while he was doing chores, washing dishes, cleaning his room, no televison until he decided it would have been wiser to go to school and he would promise not to do this again. This doctrine would have been established by the time he was 3, so it wouldn't happen later, say when he was 5.

We raised nine children. We never threatened, we supported each other. We found that spanking worked with varying degress of success. We made every effort to be consistent. Bad behavior wasn't cute one day and punishable the next.

We raised our children before society told them they could run away if they wanted to and they couldn't be forced to come back.

As long as society tells our kids to do as they please, accuses parents of child abuse every time a kid has a bruise or cries, believes kids don't make up stories, teaches them in school to accuse their parents, we will have discipline problems at home and in school, in the mall, parking lots, and on the highways.

When "no" means "no," when stop or halt means stop, when we start treating others as we want to be treated, then we can start living peaceably again. A cop shouldn't have to be able to outrun and overpower a miscreant.

How do we accomplish this? Your question suggests maybe we are ready to start. Dr. Spock was the authority when our first son was born. We said he was wrong  25 years or so later he has admitted his system doesn't work. It took a whole generation to get into this mess and it will probably take at least that long to get out of it.'

Norris Short


'Using spanking exclusively has well-known problems. Spanking distracts the child from the event he is being punished for. Second, it models aggression as a way to influence others. This is behavior that gets adults locked up if they use it on an adult. Third, it teaches what not to do, rather than what to do. Fourth, it leads to "sneaky" behavior, such as lying and covering up. Fifth, it leads the child to avoid the punisher  the punisher becomes feared and a target of anger.

What would I do if my 5-year-old refuses to get dressed for school? I'd find something I knew he wanted (e.g., cartoons), and the only way the TV goes on is if he's completely dressed and breakfast is finished. The TV doesn't go on at all otherwise. He's likely to scream and complain, but the TV won't go on until he's dressed and finished with breakfast. Spanking will do nothing to get him dressed himself.

Parents are no more likely to use positive reinforcement today than a century ago  the real change has been too many parents can't say no when their children haven't earned the reinforcer.'

John MacDonald