Joey Clover


10 ways to be a billionaire— by somebody who’s not a billionaire.

I’m tired of seeing these articles. They’re everywhere. It’s normally on a site like BuzzFeed which instantly tells me the level of credibility it should receive. There’s usually a nice clickbait title involving the name of a famous Forbes Rich List. So we’re going to go ahead and try to write one of these articles. Let’s pick a billionaire and create a clickbait title. It has to be a list, too. It’s a golden rule.


There we go, that sounds more like it. Capital letters, too. We also need a very inspirational image to use. We’ll go to Pixabay and type “inspiration”.

Inspiration. Credit:

Now it’s time to make the all important list of things that are proven to make you a billionaire. We’ll include some unhealthy habits just to make sure it sounds credible.

1. Never sleep

You’ve got no time to sleep if you want to be a billionaire. Sleep is for the weak. Who cares about biological necessities when you could be making money like Bill Gates! Did you know that he only sleeps for 2 hours a day? That’s a fact.

2. Wake up at 4am

I know we told you to never sleep but if you’re weak and you do, make sure you’re up at 4am to do your routines. You must do at least 20 tasks before you start your day. All billionaires do it. Trust me.

3. Work out 4 hours a day

You need to be in tip-top physical condition to be a billionaire. The only way to do this is to have an exhaustive workout routine. We hear that Bill Gates shreds the rowing machine, absolute lad.

4. Meditate all day, every day

You heard me. Bill Gates meditates all day, even when he’s on the toilet. He’s edgy like that. Don’t ask me why. I’m not a billionaire, so I wouldn’t know. Have you not heard the ancient saying

Mediation will bring you infinite wealth.

Me neither. I just had to throw in an obligatory block quote.

5. Donate 90% of your earnings to charity

Well, if you want to be a billionaire, you’ve got to be excessively generous. Look at Jeff Bezos, he’s not a part of this giving pledge legacy. See where that got him? He’s not as rich as Bill Gates. Clearly due to not being charitable enough.

6. Be humble

Sure, you might be a billionaire after reading this article but for christ’s sake, be humble. Bill Gates is super humble. He once used his wealth to rent an entire island and all transport around it to ensure nobody else had to see his wedding. So humble.

7. Read 5 books day

Every billionaire reads. I’m sorry, if you have a vision impairment it looks like you’re going to be living in poverty your entire life. No billions for you. You should read every book you can. It’s not like audio-books exist, you simply must look at the paper, even if you’re an auditory learner. It’s how the billionaires do it.

8. Ditch your friends

Billionaires only spend time with other billionaires. You won’t have time for your normie friends once you’re a billionaire. Make sure you network with people richer than you.

If you’re the richest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

I guess Bill Gates can never find a room he belongs in. He doesn’t care, he can just buy one with his billions.

9. Never take “no” as an answer

That’s right, never take no as an answer. Clearly that’s what to do in every scenario. Billionaires never take no as an answer. Consent? They mustn’t care, there’s no time for a no. In the famous words of President Trump


Billionaires just do what they want. You should too, right?

10. Be different

Billionaires are different. Firstly, they’re richer than most people. They also think different and you should too. If everyone reading this article thought differently, we’d all be billionaires. Who cares if the economy would collapse, you’d be a billionaire. Sure, the cost of a chocolate bar would be about £5 million but you’d still be a billionaire!

So, there you have it. A click bait title, a list of edgy things to make you a billionaire and our random billionaire. If you become an overnight billionaire after reading my useful guide, do let me know. If nobody messages me, I’m sure you’re all just spending time with your new billionaire friends.

More by Joey Clover

Topics of interest

More Related Stories