Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway part 123


  1. If you discover that someone has defriended you on facebook (yes, defriended) distract yourself from adding them as a friend again by looking for your dignity in the toilet.
  2. If you are ordering pasta then you don’t need the garlic bread.
  3. If your pet has a facebook/twitter account then you are giving the impression that you are either unemployed, not getting laid or mentally unstable (yes people do this). I realise that none of these things may be the case but we are talking about how you are perceived here and the internet is all about perception. Delete that shit.
  4. If you style your hair whilst naked using hot styling tools then you are basically begging life to fuck with you.
  5. Oven roasted but unsalted almonds are delicious and will do wonders for your complexion. I used to hate almonds too! Try them again and see if you have changed your mind.
  6. A real man will go down on you
  7. If you are feeling uninspired you probably need to leave your cave for a bit. Most normal people don’t have the money to just drop everything and go on a trip willy nilly, let alone the time you need off work. Therefore, I suggest you explore the city you live in. Do the things you have always ‘been meaning to do’.
  8. If you are finding your ex in the word sex then quit it immediately unless you love drama and head fuckery.
  9. Wearing make-up will definitely make your life better. It sure as hell won’t make it worse!
  10. Your Converse should always be slightly fucked up. They are meant to look like that! These are the shoes that carry you through life! Walk through puddles! Wear them to gigs and festivals! Paint the house in them! Let them tell your story! Clean chucks are for chumps.

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