Don't @ Me, But S'mores Actually Suck

I dare you to disagree.

Cropped image of girl preparing smores in plate on tree stump
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This feels a little awkward. Considering I work for a food brand that cranks out s'mores recipes almost every day this time of year, it's probably the most unpopular opinion in the room to say that s'mores really suck. But here I am, saying it, and on the internet no less. Whether you agree or not, and whether you want to hear it or not, I'm going to spend the next few minutes explaining why we're all better off without s'mores this summer. Buckle up.

Let me preface this by making a very clear distinction: S'mores-flavored things and plain old s'mores are very different. I'm completely on board with the flavor combo of marshmallow, chocolate, and graham cracker—and I know you all are, too. You literally freaked out over Starbucks bringing back its S'mores Frapp, lost it when the return of s'mores Oreos was announced, and got super pumped when s'mores coffee creamer hit shelves.

What I have a problem with is the traditional composition of s'mores. It's all wrong. Let's just talk about it structurally. It begins with a hard-as-a-rock, straight-from-the-package graham cracker. That's like eating a stale cookie. Then comes the sad, sad chocolate—with only a tiny chance of getting nice and melty from the heat of the marshmallow. UGH, THE MARSHMALLOW. It's either not toasted enough or completely black and burnt, because no one can ever time it perfectly. So to recap, we have a dry cracker, cold chocolate, and an improperly cooked marshmallow. TELL ME, DOES THAT SOUND APPEALING TO YOU???

Moving on from the taste...let's get to the mess. If s'mores are not the messiest summer dessert of all time, I really don't know what is. The last thing I want when I'm outside at night, among all the fluttering bugs, is to have sticky hands. It's like a sugary mosquito magnet at your fingertips. The minute you take a bite, the graham cracker crumbles apart, the chocolate just falls out, and the marshmallow oozes out the back. There's nothing really holding the individual components together. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety. Dessert shouldn't give me anxiety.

Anywho, I'm just rambling now. And I think my point is pretty clear. However, if all this completely backfired and made you crave s'mores even more, you're still in the right place:

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