Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

P-F13 Fat or Ginger. What would you rather be? (Week 3 NFL Bonus)

Mario Batali has it all, but if you had to pick, what would you rather be?

Red on the head, fire in the bed. 24%
  1. Beelzebubbles (CCo): A ginger quarterback for sure.  My almost albino skin will reflect from
    the Sun blinding the oncoming defense.  My receivers will be equipped with polarized glasses for UV protection so they will not be affected.  I will also then have a penis, because I am a boy.
    I'm not going to touch that one. +2
  2. Bevo XIV (DW): Ginger, as long as I can be slow, too.
    Slow is easy. Fast is hard. +1
  3. Lost Cause (JH): Ginger quarterback - can't handle the fat.
    Mmmm. Handling the fat. +2
  4. Mrs. Carter's Moves (A-C): OMG, Gingy all the way.
    Mmmm. All the way. +1
  5. Gig'em! (AP): Ginger fo sho!
    I think you'd make an adorable ginger. Let's do this! +1
  6. AccidentChild (MN): Is this really a question? Am I missing something? Ginger.
    You are missing the part where most of the league would rather be fat than ginger, but other than that... +1
Fat is where it's at, gingers have no souls. 60%
  1. The Northmen (ANo): Fat - A) I get to eat whatever I want 2) I wouldn't be so raw chicken
    white and burn easily and C) being fat would give me more cushion in case I get hit!
    i) solid reasoning +2
  2. Inconsistent Losers (ANe): As long as I still get to play, I might as well enjoy all the food that goes with being a football player.
    I hear that people are just throwing the food at the football players. +1
  3. Chicainery (CCa): Fat - a little cushion for all the hits a QB takes seems prudent, whereas a ginger would just get hit harder.
    Totally prudent. +2
  4. Pluckbear (CS): Make me FAT baby
    Your place or mine? +1
  5. 15 National Championships (CG): Can't trust a ginger... Fatty all da way.
    Mostly because it's hard to concentrate on what they are saying because of the hair (but you should be able to trust yourself) +1
  6. Mississippi Mudpuppies (DR): FAT!
    Enthusiastically fat. Obese maybe. +1
  7. Ferments-A-Lot (GN): A fat QB is great, but a left handed fat relief pitcher is really the holy grail. +2
  8. Pimp Possee (JB): fat quarterback, cue Jared Lorenzen!
    Holy bacon. Thanks for the reminder. I just spent about 5 minutes catching up on Jared. +2
  9. The Velvet Neutral Ground (JC): Fat, a la Jamarcus Russell... You get INSANE money for almost zero success at your job before you retire to wear Cosby sweaters for the rest of your days.
    And the pudding pops. +2
  10. Yazoo Meat Muffins (KP): What? Do you mean ginger like thin, scrawny? Or ginger as in the spice to make gingerbread cookies (hmmm, hungry now). I guess if I ate a lot of gingerbread cookies I would be a fat quarterback like JaMarcus Russell and get picked in the first round by the a dumb team like the Raiders or Jags...make my millions and ride off in the sunset after destroying the franchise for a decade.
    I don't think we can put Oakland's ineptitude as a franchise on Russel. He was only a small part of their mistakes. +2
  11. Mad Bomber (KZ): Fat
    Agreed. +1
  12. 93Bronco (GF): Fat QB. At least fat QB's could still get laid... Nobody touches a ginger.
    Little known fact: If you touch a ginger, you steal his good luck. But don't worry about the ginger. It grows back. +2
  13. The Creekside Purple Sacks (KH): Phat, mos def. Pretty, hot, and tempting.
    Money talks. +2
  14. The Paperboys (KW): I'd rather be a fat quarterback because at least there's a reason why I'm fat.  It's because I have a steady diet of unhealthy and delicious foods such as bone in rib eyes, bacon fat ice cream, Chex Mix and the like.  There just isn't an excuse for a Ginger Quarterback.
    Literally no excuse, I say. +2

    And my favorite answer...
  15. One Man Wolfpack (MF): Fat. Ginger is forever.
I'd rather try out some comedy, because that usually gets more points. 16%
  1. Double D (DD): If I'm a ginger quarterback do I get ginger snaps?
    Ba-dum cheeeesh. +2
  2. Dirt Burglars (DT): How 'bout a fat, balding ginger quarterback.
    And rich. +2
  3. Naked Bootleggers (JN): If your asking would I'd rather be Big Ben or Andy Dalton, I'd pick Romo, yes those two are that bad of an option.
    Wrong. No one wants to be Romo anymore. +1
  4. Barrel Aged Donkey (KS): Stupidest question ever.  I'll take either and then retire in 4 years.
    Stupidest answer ever. -1000

Sunday, September 22, 2013

P-F13 Week 4 Links

I've been out of town. Here are some relevant week 4 links for your clicking.

NCAA Week 4 Scoreboard
NCAA Overall Leaderboard

NFL Week 4 Scoreboard
NFL Overall Leaderboard (will post Sunday night)

Monday, September 16, 2013

P-F13: Your School Sucks, and it is Stupid Too (Week 2 NCAA Bonus)

The Clowney hype is stupid. +3
Northmen (ANo): Here's hoping Clowney's "feeling better" this week. 

Mrs. Carter's Moves (A-C): Wtf's my birthday.
Birthday's suck. +1

Chicainery (CCa): I'm so hopelessly out of touch with college football that I got nuthin fo ya. Filling this out sitting in an airplane in Frankfurt.
Airplanes are awesome. Cell phone rules in airplanes are stupid. +1

Beelzebubbles (CCo): The more pick-em's I do the less I get you.  Is it more me or is it more you? I want to say its you.
Couples get that way with each other. Love sucks. It's definitely you. +1

Longhorn Johnny
Double D (DD)
Johnny doesn't suck, and neither does that fake Longhorn tattoo. Manziel hatred is stupid. +3

Self Inflicted Wounds
About the pics of wild topless OU sorority girls that’s made the Internet

Dirt Burglars (DT): You have got to love dumb ass sorority chicks.  But Daddy did a pretty good job at getting the pics removed.
Without the pics, this story is stupid. I do like that the story linked above was filed under the tag "hot chicks." +2 for that.

Cry babies.
Just kidding. That's not the one.

Georgia fan. He loves those dawgs and blood and eyes and hearts.

Bevo XIV (DW)
Loving dogs that much is cool. Loving dawgs that much is stupid. And how they gonna face CLOWNEY now?! +4

Aggie cheer leaders on a road trip.

Ferments-A-Lot (GN): The internet sucks because it's forever. +4

Pimp Possee (JB): Who cares! I already got 14 bonus points!
That's funny to me for some reason, so +1


The Velvet Neutral Ground (JC)
+5 for the memories.

KSU loses to NDSU.

Naked Bootleggers (JN)\+3
...and then they beat the Longhorns. That streak is stupid.

Barrel Aged Donkey (KS): WTF is up with that collie.
Dogs don't suck, but loving them "that way" does. +2

Yazoo Meat Muffins (KP):  Johnny Manziel...absolutely no class...he needs to see a good therapist to fix his shit
Manziel doesn't suck, but his attitude does, but it is also what makes him great. +2

Deez nuts.
(Commissioner's note: I should have known that I was just giving Kirby a venue to spill his hate of tOSU. His response has been copied unedited.)
Ohio state fans, you like nuts dangling on your chests. WTF. Too bad the women-folk  present nothing but gaping, cavernous, craggy orifices. - The Creekside Purple Sacks (KH) +4

Sex crimes are super stupid and sucky.
The Paperboys (KW): Sorry Vandy. +2
People sex crimes, that is.

I don't get it, but (BANJO SOLO)!

Accident Child (MN) +2

Sunday, September 15, 2013

P-F13: Week 3 NFL Results


Here is the breakdown for this week.
  • Weekly Winner(s) = 3 pts: AP (15!)
  • Double Digit Card (10+ picks correct) = 3 pts: AN, GN, KW, DW, KH, KZ, CCa, JH, CCo, DCo, A-C, CG, JB, JC, JN, AP, KP, MF, DD, DT, ANe, DR, DDi
  • Game of the Week = 3 pts to everyone who correctly picked the Bengals over the Steelers
  • Paid Entry Week = 1 pt every week: ANo, GN, DW, RK, A-C, JB, JC, AP, KP, DD, DT, ANe, DDi
  • Weekly bonus question  = 0 to 3 points, subjectively scored. "Who would you rather be, a fat quarterback or a ginger quarterback?" See blog post for scores.
Everyone is still in it.

P-F13: Week 3 NCAA Results

Damn it feels good in Tuscaloosa.

Geto Boys - Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangsta

What a game. Real good football. It was actually sad that someone had to lose that.


How'd you do? Check it.

Here is the breakdown for this week.
  • Weekly Winner(s) = 3 pts: ANe
  • Double Digit Card (10+ picks correct) = 3 pts: GN, KH, CG, JN, AP, ANe, DDi
  • Game of the Week = BACKDOOR COVER!!
    3 pts to everyone who correctly picked the Aggies.
  • Weekly bonus question  = 0 to 3 points, subjectively scored. "Your Bama/A&M pick.... why?"
    • Inconsistent Losers (ANe): As much as I hate A&M and Johnny Football and all the ridiculous hype, I have to cheer against Alabama and all their fake championships. +2
    • Mississippi Mudpuppies (DR): 12th man. Not Manziel. Bama only needed 11. +2
    • Dirt Burglars (DT): My magic 8 ball said so. What did it say about the Longhorns? +1
    • Ferments-A-Lot (GN): Even purple-er. +1
    • Naked Bootleggers (JN): The 12th man and a younger QB help TAMU cover, but not win. But remember When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil. Wise, wise words. All of it. +2
    • Yazoo Meat Muffins (KP): Johnny football is going to blow up again! He's a manimal. +1
    • The Creekside Purple Sacks (KH): WWJFFD. Turn signatures into bread. Lots of it. +2
    • The Paperboys (KW): A&M has two games under their belt, at home, in the heat and have 6 returning defensive players returning.  Alabama only has one game under their belt, where they played in a dome.  I think a combination of JFF, the returning Aggie defense (second half they will shine) and Alabama not used to playing in the heat will result in an A&M upset.  Still not sure why the Aggies are the dogs, but hey, we'll find out soon enough. Dude, you saw how I only left the tiny little box, right? Just messin'. +2
    • Gig'em! (AP): Gig'em! You can't gig the tide, only frogs. +1 
    • The Northmen (ANo): I like elephants and waves much or more than the next person, right? +2
    • Mrs. Carter's Moves (A-C), Bevo XIV (DW): Saban. Truth +1
    • Chicainery (CCa): Alabama will be highly motivated for revenge after what happened last season. I thought that, but they played it like any other week, imo. +1
    • Pluckbear (CS): Revenge. Worked, whatever they did. +1
    • Beelzebubbles (CCo): You know that cute bumper sticker that says "My daughter and my money go to the University of Alabama" Well, IM BROKE!  POOR!  Out of state tuition SUCKS!  But all of her little friends play on the team so of course I'm gonna pick them-cute itty bitty Cyrus hes so precious! Not touching that. +2
    • 15 National Championships (CG): I just want to point out that Curtis didn't skip this question because he forgot or didn't have anything to add. Curtis skipped this question because he doesn't do *anything* to jinx his team. I can respect that. +3
    • Cactie (DCo): I hate the aggies!! Hook em. No comment here. +2
    • Double D (DD): ...last year. I'm Nick Saban... oh no you di'n't! Nicky Football was stressed. +2
    • 93Bronco (GF): First off..... Texas A&M will score on Bama's defense, but A&M's defense is so bad that Bama will score more.  And I think Hollywood will get his bell rung a few times after his showboating. Good call, but I think he prefers to be called "Johnathan." +2
    • Lost Cause (JH): Bama - Manziel is a heathen, but Saban is a Dark Lord! (Saban - Satan...coincidence?) No, no it is not a coincidence. +2
    • Pimp Possee (JB): Bama because they pay their players. See DJ Fluker. WHAT!? +2
    • The Velvet Neutral Ground (JC): A&M's defense is suspect to say the least. Alabama's defense hasn't been suspect in 5 years. The end. Somewhat true. +2
    • Barrel Aged Donkey (KS): ATM is overrated. Only good for withdrawals. Love this answer. +3
    • AccidentChild (MN): Do I really have to give a reason for picking against A&M? Nah, only if you want points. +1
    • One Man Wolfpack (MF): Because Bama lost last yr, no way it happens again. Odds would agree. +2
    • BlitzKrieg (RK): 41 - 27. A score prediction. +2 for the effort.
    • Mad Bomber (KZ): They're mad and out for revenge! With bombs! +2

LEADERBOARD: Inconsistent Losers made a big move with 12/15 correct picks. If anyone cares, I'm not last anymore.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Sunday, September 8, 2013

P-F13: Week 2 NFL Results

How about those Cowboys and Texans, huh? Both are on pace to be undefeated this year.  

One person correctly picked Tennessee over Pittsburgh (DT, Dirt Burglars). One person incorrectly picked the Bills over the Patriots (DT, Dirt Burglars). Ballsy week 1 picks. DT finished with 10 of 16.

How'd you do? Check it.

  • Weekly Winner(s) = 3 pts: GF, JB, DD, DR
  • Double Digit Card (10+ picks correct) = 3 pts: KW, KH, KZ, CCa, GF, JH, CCo, DCo, A-C, JB, JC, JN, KP, DD, DT, ANe, CS, DR
  • Game of the Week = 3 pts to everyone who correctly picked Philly and Houston: KW, CCa, A-C, JC, CS, DDi
  • Best Bets = 5 pts if all are correct: CCa, DD, GF, JH, JB, KP, KH, MN
  • Paid Entry Week = 1 pt every week: ANo, GN, DW, RK, A-C, KP, DD, DDi
  • More INTs Thrown= 3 pts: Look, you guys. It's ALWAYS Romo. It has never NOT been Romo. This week, it WASN'T FREAKING ROMO. Congrats to KW, JH, and MN who didn't pick Romo and accidentally got the answer correct (E. Manning, 3 INTs)
It is Pick'em Week 2, even though it is NFL Week 1. Makes sense, right?

Should this Suh hit have carried a suspension? Dude is a repeat offender.

P-F13: Week 2 NCAA Results



How'd you do? Check it.

It's only Week 2, but everyone loves rankings.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

P-F13: The Rules Are Stupid (NCAA Week 1 Bonus)

Or maybe just some rules are stupid. But I think we can all agree that there are a couple decent rules. Killing someone is pretty universally terrible. Unless of course he is your enemy. Or if he is on your property and has “that look.”

Am I right?

Troublemaker - Weezer

The Golden Rule is pretty righteous. Treat others like they treat you.

Nailed that.

Competition, or sport, is fundamentally defined by rules. Some rules are certainly better than others. Limiting the number of time outs is great. Not allowing much more than a clap after a score seems a little excessive. However the collection of rules outlines the game for the competitors and provides a path for a fair win, loss, or (in some unfortunate situations) draw.

Inside the competition, the game may have unwritten rules or gentlemen’s agreements in addition to the written rulebook. Outside the competition, the coaching staff may have rules for the team. The staff may have rules from management. Management may have rules from ownership. Ownership may have rules from the league.

But seriously, why follow any of them?

Fight the Power - Public Enemy

Most of us are rule breakers in our lives. According to our league poll, most of you P-F’ers thought it was fine to break rules (+1: ANo, A-C, CS, DR, MN, JB, KZ, RK, CCo). Especially rules like “no flasks in the stadium” (DW, +2) and “90 MPH is too fast for the freeway” (JN, +2). OJ (allegedly) didn’t follow the rules. George Zimmerman did(?n’t?) follow the rules (JC, +2). Maybe we have a moral obligation to break unjust rules (CCa, +2). Rosa Parks would agree with that. The government doesn’t always follow the rules (+2: CG, JH). ARE THEY FREAKING ABOVE THE LAW?! Right.

A response from Gary (GF, 93Bronco, +3) usually provides a tangent and often demands its own paragraph. Apparently there is something called Peter’s Law that states “if you can't change the rule (sic), ignore them.” When I looked it up, that rule followed one that said, “If you can’t win change the rules.” I also couldn’t find a lot of search results on Google for this Peter’s Law. The Peter Principle may apply though: “Employees tend to rise to their level of incompetence.”

The SEC apparently has rules. I could look them up, but instead I’ll just copy paste what someone told me (DT, +3). “With the lowest academic entrance standards in the major conferences, the SEC tends to recruit juvenile facilities and prisons. If the SEC players can't even stay out of jail, why would they follow the rules of an institution that can't police or investigate its members? It’s just common sense.” He’s a sooner.

Key to knowingly breaking a rule is the risk/reward assessment (+3: GN, KH, KP). In my opinion, punishment must be something that the rule breaker would never accept. “Sir, there will be a thirty minute suspension for getting some cash to put rims on your Benz.” “WHERE DO I SIGN?!!”

Tattoos, bar fights, fake IDs, and weed (KS, +2) describe college things, but these are all things that would get Liberal Arts majors tossed out of school. It’s good to be a valuable piece of athlete meat. To help you pull off all your shenanigans, it’s nice to have an Uncle Nate too (MF, +2).

Said a particularly well groomed Aggie, “As an Aggie, I'm glad he only got a half game suspension. But as a football fan, I think this only teaches him that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. I hope he grows up soon, but what happens here won't help him” (AP, +2).

C.R.E.A.M.T.R.A. - Wu-Tang Clan (Safety Words, Contra Remix)

Maybe the autograph rule was meant to be broken. Maybe it’s not even a big deal. In fact, let’s let players at least make money off their name. That makes sense, right?

When Joe Booster drops $10K off at 5 star commit Ji'mbo Bama’s Grandma’s house in exchange for his signature next year, then we should talk again about how it’s perfectly fine to let them accept money.

Perhaps we just go back to how it’s been. Some rules are just stupid and it’s worth ignoring the suggestion of compliance. I received a list of five NOT rules to follow (DD, +4):
5) Anything involving car dealerships and fake jobs in Oklahoma
4) Anything involving Kelvin Sampson and a cell phone
3) Anything involving coaches riding motorcycles with 20 year old female employees in Arkansas
2) Anything in the state of Florida requiring student athletes to take their own college examinations.
1) And anything, and I do mean anything, involving 20 year old quarterbacks from Texas A&M before they play Alabama.
Even Pickem-Football has vigorously enforced rules, and I’m glad you all are totally on board.
All rules that have been established in this most glorious of pick’em leagues are quite the antithesis of stupid. But other rules/laws that don't allow you to do awesome things like "accidental" public urination, capitol degradation and naked bobbing are totally stupid and seriously need to be reconsidered during our next legislative session. Surely there's a lawyer in this group that could help us create some sort of lobbying efforts or PAC. (KW, +5)
I most certainly cannot speak to any of those awesome things list above -- that is for sure.

Maybe we can just outlaw the stupid rules and call it a day.

“Creating a rule to ignore rules you think are stupid is still a rule” (ANe, +3). Yeah but the new rule won’t be a stupid rule. Burn!

Monday, September 2, 2013

P-F13: Week 1 NCAA Results

Crazy? Wierd? Wild? Nahh, just football... and it's back.

The Underdog - Spoon

FCS teams beat Kansas State and a ranked (but-does-preseason-number-twenty-five-really-mean-anything-question-mark) Oregon State. Each of the FBS teams paid for those beatings. To me, this wasn't the biggest news. The McNeese State Cowboys destroyed the South Florida Bulls 53-21. But that wasn't the biggest news either. South Florida paid like $400K.

South Florida sits at *that* table now!?

The league picked 57% against the spread this week. If we were in a casino, hopefully we at least enjoyed the game watching and scored some free drinks.

The easiest picks on the board for us were South Carolina -11.5, Utah -2.5, Oklahoma -23.5, and LSU -4.5. All favorites. In fact, 12 of 15 favorites on the card covered in Week 1. That is not the typical trend. Fear the underdog.

The toughest collective picks on the board turned out to be Rice +26.5, Clemson +1.5, and Texas -42.5. Two of the three dogs that covered (the other was the fourth toughest pick). And you guys didn't have faith in Texas -42.5? Yeah, me neither.

How'd you do? Check it.

"Remind me why we have these?" said some of you. I'm so glad you asked. Bonus points will give you a slight advantage in the post season games. To win this and the NFL contest though, you'll need to pick the most games right.

"That JB guy already has 14! How did he get them?" I also heard as a follow up. I imagine you guys are asking good questions for a Week 1 blog post.

Here is the breakdown for this week.
  • Weekly Winner(s) = 3 pts: KW, CG, JB
  • Double Digit Card (10+ picks correct) = 3 pts: ANo, KW, KZ, JH, DCo, CG, JB, JC, KP, MF, DD
  • Game of the Week = 3 pts to everyone who correctly picked LSU
  • Paid Entry Week = 1 pt every week: KW, RK, A-C, KP, DD, DDi
  • Weekly bonus question  = 0 to 5 points, subjectively scored. "It's OK to not follow the rules that you think are stupid, right?" See blog post for scores.
Maybe the scores are obvious after looking at the scoreboard, but here is another view to let you know just how much of a hole you dug yourself in Week 1.

A college football election map of the Top 25 from Deadspin.

Looks about right to me. Thoughts?