My (23M) girlfriend (23F) paid an attractive girl (21F) to seduce me as part of a “test”. I’m very annoyed by all of this.

relationship_advice Original (deleted)
thro3w7away 12275 2019-02-04 21:20:37


Gf and I been together for six months and our relationship is generally great. However, there’s one recurring issue....she has trust issues. She strongly dislikes my female friends and gets possessive/jealous when I interact with them or any girl for that matter. Whenever we’re out in public she thinks that women are hitting on me even if they’re just being friendly. Apparently I’m too oblivious to notice but I honestly think she’s just making up stuff. She’s also extremely worried that I’ll cheat on her which is stupid. That’s not who I am and I despise cheaters. She even admitted that she was never cheated on in the past so I don’t understand where this paranoia comes from.

Anyway, onto the issue

A few days ago I was home alone when a stranger knocked on my door. It was a girl around my age and she said she got lost in the area, lost her phone etc. She asked if she could step inside for a moment to make a call using my phone. Yes, I let her in. I admit I was stunned by how pretty she was but that hardly influenced my decision. Once she entered her behavior changed. She got really flirty and when I told her it’s time to leave she came onto me very aggressively. Long story short, I managed to kick her out but it was pretty bizarre. I actually texted my gf about the incident who pretended to be shocked.

That same evening my gf FaceTimed me smiling and said that I “passed the test”. The girl who was with me just hours earlier was with her and they were both congratulating me. Gf explained their whole plan and said that she was really proud. I was just pissed off and confused more than anything. Later we spoke on the phone and I told her that this was a terrible, childish idea all around. We started arguing and she said that I had no empathy and should see things from her POV.

I always knew that she had trust issues but this takes it too far. I think it’s all pretty insulting actually. The twist is that the girl texted me last night and said that she’s really “impressed” by the way I handled myself and that she finds it “attractive”. She even said that I deserve better than my gf and suggested I should dump her. So gf’s plan backfired in a way because now her accomplice is urging me to end the relationship.

I’m slowly getting tired of her insecurities. However I really like her and wouldn’t want something as stupid as this to ruin our relationship. Is it possible for her to change or should I be realistic?

TL;DR Gf hired a girl to seduce me as a “test”. We argued, she apologized and said that I should have more empathy. I think it’s obvious she doesn’t trust me at all. How do I deal with this?

[deleted] 12448 S 7m

I'd be afraid the girl messaging you is still part of this "test". Honestly that level of immaturity makes me think she is far from ready to be in a relationship. Normal people have some insecurities, hers are insane.

I'd really think about it before continuing this relationship with her or you should probably set some hard boundaries.

hotsummernightsx 5677 4h29m

100% the texts from the girl now are still part of the test.

mysql101 2292 G 7h1m

I bet the gf was put up to pretending to be his gf by the pretty one who setup the first gf as a test to see how faithful he was before she came into the picture.

jjb7667 550 7h54m

The long con, I see.

_d00little 323 9h27m

She out here playing 4-D chess

milkysniper 84 10h22m

If 4 is enough D I think I can manage a game

ZephyrSolace 16 11h28m
centrafrugal 8 11h42m

34-DD chess

PorkBellyFutures 7 8h49m

I think you're on to something 🤨

ab_heisenberg 5 14h27m

Or, OP actually had a crush on the hot accomplice. So he hired his current gf to plan a "test" and had her hire the hot girl, so that the hot girl will meet OP and find his loyalty attractive, thus initiating a spark between them.

Pooticles 3 14h35m

Now THAT’S a romcom pitch if I ever heard one!

soren_hero 498 5h13m

like, how did homegirl have dude's number already?

ilyriaa 195 5h32m

She used his phone, maybe she texted herself from his phone?

soren_hero 153 6h28m

well. From the story, it's not clear if she actually made the call or not.


Then it goes on to say:


If she never used the phone, and had never seen OP before the test, I see 3 distinct possibilities:

A) Op is omitting details [he presumably would be able to see if she had texted/called anyone from his phone, unless she instantly deleted it

B) GF gave this chick OP's number [unlikely, unless she still is testing him)

C) GF is using a burner phone [to continue the test]

These 3 scenarios are likely, whereas this woman randomly texting OP after having completed her services in an effort to date said OP seems more unlikely. (Think horses, not zebras)

pasta_is_love 192 8h8m

Option d) it’s a fake story.

soren_hero 7 8h23m

Option d is always Bullshit: its a small turd with a vertical stinkline

shallow_not_pedantic 6 8h33m

I’m thinking this is it.

Staubsau_Ger 6 10h59m
Zimyver 4 13h51m



I think I’ve been kinda blinded by the fact I really like her

Yup, sounds made up. Or OP's an idiot.

Gf freaked out over the texts her friend/accomplice sent me. She came over to my place after work and was absolutely hysterical. Meanwhile her friend asked me if I want to “hang out” tonight. I think it’s bait but I don’t know what to believe anymore. She got pissed at me too and said that “no one” has ever rejected her. I blocked her because she started to sound crazier by the second

I have come to the conclusion that they’re both batshit insane and need intensive therapy.

Seems like BS to me.

A_Rampaging_Hobo 8 7h36m

I think option B.5 is the most likely scenario. If gf thinks this is completely acceptable then why not continue testing him? He could waver at any time after all.

sililil 28 5h56m

probably from the girlfriend, right? and if he let her use his phone she could have easily texted herself and gotten his number

soren_hero 23 6h41m

from the story, it is unlikely that the accomplice used OP's phone before getting kicked out. Especially if her plan was to attempt to jump OP's bones and not actually call anyone. Phone call was a diversion to get access to his house. Maybe even actually sleep with him, to have actual "proof".

Her communicating with him after completing her mission AND trying to get him to dump his future exgf (because this is manipulative as hell) seems to just suggest its still the test. When is the best time to test someone? Right after they drop their guard because they think the test is over.

freaky-fresh 168 4h57m

Tbh that part made me think this is a shitpost

NuclearCakeMix 79 5h5m

Ive had relationships like this, wish I hadnt so I could shitpost

Gamewarrior15 9 6h35m

might be a shitpost, but this kinda shit does happen.

Aletex13 103 5h32m

Just break up with the GF through the friend and never talk to either of them

bentripin 80 5h16m

its a test he should bomb IMO

thewonpercent 4 9h6m

If he's going to bomb it he needs to sign up for the witness protection program

WilliamsTell 65 7h8m

The correct response is to lean into the texts. Come up with the most fucked up fetishes he can think of and suggest that his gf just cant fulfill them. I'll admit it's childish but somehow I don't think the "tests" are ending any time soon.

BigxBossx77 45 7h36m

That's a funny way to spell "ever"

rtothewin 3 8h31m

There is a really good Seinfeld episode along this line.

okrasylph 52 7h6m

I agree except that I think this is a real life test. It’s a test to see how much of your life do you want to spend with people like this.

Solanthas 6 7h26m




MrsMurderface 12 5h25m

Yeah they must be pretty close if she’s willing to go along with her shenanigans, I doubt she’d throw her under the bus like that

Quantentheorie 7 8h23m

Not that you'd ever want to date a woman that helped your ex stage a test.

If she thought it shitty behaviour, she should have refused.

ImRudeWhenImDrunk 5 8h53m


aaanon5402 4 8h50m

Or the Gf downloaded a texting app and is pretending to be the other girl

ItsSuplexCity 3 7h35m

I am more interested in knowing what happens when he fails these "tests"? Does he get stabbed to death?

weewillyboo 377 S 6h13m

That's the thing. OP will always be wondering if things are a test or not. There is no trust in this relationship from either side now. It's not healthy. His GF ended the relationship with this testing thing.

skirrets 94 7h46m

How do we know you aren't the girlfriend and telling him to end the relationship is just another test?

Oxneck 19 9h47m


We can know that because everyone here on reddit is an NPC/Bot.

thewonpercent 3 9h7m

Who are you?

[deleted] 3 13h33m

OP you’re still in the simulation!

ComaVN 6 11h55m


The tests will never stop. One day, his gf will propose a threesome with the hot girl, and that will be a test too.

Leave. Leave now.

XenaWolf 3 14h50m

This! It's not a test, it's control. It's living on a mine field where he'll never be sure what can trigger her. And it's being framed as if he is the bad guy here so she can guilt him into whatever she wants. It's basically a mild form of gaslighting imo.

TheBathroomDJ 48 5h5m

Agreed op, i think you should really consider if this drama is worth it or not.

srah96 33 5h45m

Exactly what I was going to say. Guarantee the girl texting you is still being told what to do by your GF

popscockle 6 6h20m

Its most definitely another test but hey take the bait if she was good looking. I see the scenario going like this. Girlfriend sends bait over after sexting to see what you will do. She comes over you bang your girlfriend calls and says you failed. Win win situation.

BigDuck777 5 7h38m

If its still part of the test, at this point he should fail it on purpose. Take the hot girl out. Hooooooot Giiiiiiirllllll!

VellDarksbane 3 8h44m

The "test" will never end. Unless you want to have a relationship with someone where you'll have to watch everything you do when around other girls, you should bail now, and do not get together with the "tester" either.

murderousbudgie 8694 G 1m

Are you dating Maury? Dude your girl is crazy. Like, might stab you one day crazy. Run.

thro3w7away 2341 13m

I told her that she’s acting crazy/irrational and she accused me of “dismissing” her feelings.

murderousbudgie 3551 16m

What part of "run" don't you understand?

Redsjo 519 3h1m

Keep on running, dont look back!

PM_Me_Your_Frendship 349 4h52m


(no seriously why aren't you running yet)
(also edit: stop upvoting me and complete the next line, sheesh! gotta be some other iron maiden heads over here)

runswitharmscrossed 222 4h59m

Run for your lifeeee

PM_Me_Your_Frendship 72 5h16m

Finally, thanks buddy!

Admiral_Sjo 60 5h37m


ft_chaos 37 7h16m


[deleted] 4 11h30m


Styx_em_up 3 14h0m

lol nobody wants to write the next one :D

TheDuderino7 6 5h52m

Oh will OP ever be set freeee

UncleSam_TAF 5 8h20m

I’m usually weary when advice subs say dump the person after any sort of conflict/adversity, but this one I agree with. Listen to everybody - do you really want somebody who does stuff like this as your life partner?

b6a6a6l 125 4h52m

Not just from her, ghost her weirdo friend, too

-DollFace 70 6h6m

Definitely don't fuck the hot girl and throw lighter fluid on the crazy fire

Chairmanmeowrightnow 16 7h11m

Some men just want to watch the world burn

LunisolarLegumophile 5 7h25m

Some men just want a burnty ole dickens.

OGderf 5 9h53m

Some men just want to stick their dick in crazy and her crazy friend too

ronswanson3322 21 4h57m

Run Forrest run!

Goatiusmaximus 5 5h9m

Stalkers don’t care. She’ll follow him for years.

thehandler77 3 6h39m

If he keeps running straight he'll just end up back there sooner or later!

johnmadbobdoe 497 S 2h3m

I had a one of my gf’s friend exaxtly like that. It starts with stupid tests, then one day she will convince you to delete all your fb and Instagram female friends... then she will keep you from going out with your friends while she will enjoy going out and be with her female and male friends. She will slowly isolate you dude.... watch out dude, your relationship is still fresh, you have time to get out of it unscathed ...

aviolet 60 6h20m

This is the truthiest truth ever. My ex did this horseshit to me and the isolation was deafening. Of course, he used intimidation and other coercion to keep me compliant, which appeared to work for awhile.

-blueCanary- 374 38m

Isn't she dismissing yours?

xtrabaconplease 312 16m

Thats called gas-lighting my friend.

cracker_asshole 133 2h3m

That’s not even gas lighting, it’s just calling something what it’s not.

He is dismissing her feelings because are her feelings are insane and irrational and nobody should entertain them in the first place.

returntheslab240 244 4h0m

Your girlfriend seriously needs to learn that her feelings don’t justify her actions.

Trust issues are common. Anxiety is common. But people who are well-adjusted own up to the fact that just because they have these feelings, it doesn’t make them reality. You pointing out that she’s acting irrational is not “dismissing her feelings.” In fact, you could make a case that she’s the one dismissing your feelings when she just writes off everything you say with stuff like that.

I don’t want to jump down her throat or your throat or anything, but she needs therapy like yesterday. And - sorry to say this, OP - but you need to lower your tolerance for bullshit a bit. It’s one thing to be an easygoing partner who is generally unbothered. It’s an entirely different thing to be willing to put up with stuff like this. I would recommend counseling for you as well, if you can afford it.

You’re worth more than games. You deserve someone who doesn’t play them.

Good luck.

The_nova_is_ova 23 5h43m

Exactly. She is the one dismissing his feelings and not being empathetic.

[deleted] 123 2h59m

He doesn't get it yet, guys. In five years, after she's completely ruined his life, maybe he finally will.

MacDaddyB24 22 6h14m

Ugh, god this shit hits hard... even got the timeline right.

Solanthas 4 7h51m

Ding ding ding

Winner winner chicken dinner

For me was 5 years marriage, not relationship total....still tho.

And not totally ruined, making my way back slowly

Raibean 80 4h27m

Listen, toxic people will always find a way to exploit vocabulary, spaces, and communities as part of their disguise. That’s what’s happening here.

She says you are dismissing her feelings? No, her feelings do not validate her actions. The proper response to feeling insecure is to seek reassurance. She didn’t talk to you about how she felt at that moment. She deceived you.

And what about your feelings?

PrincessPlastilina 76 48m

She’s gaslighting you. When they fuck up and turn it around on you that’s gaslighting and that’s a form of emotional abuse.

spazholio 16 7h53m

Emotional abuse, yes. Gaslighting, no.

TheOtherBookstoreCat 3 11h6m

Op needs to buy a carbon monoxide detector.

TheDirtyFuture 52 4h23m

People who think that their “feelings “justify everything they do are complete fucking knuckleheads. You don’t want to be with somebody who has zero Accountability because they won’t mature by learning from their mistakes.

izziebusy098 46 2h44m

Gaslighting. She is entitled to her feelings and to openly communicate them with you like a partner and an adult. But she went behind your back and put you in a confusing situation in your own home. Imagine if you sent a man to her house to aggressively come on to her?? I would avoid the conspirator too, what kind of job is that and how many guys does she follow up with texts? Not gf material either in my opinion!

spazholio 6 7h53m

That's emotional manipulation, not gaslighting. They're totally different things.

weber_md 31 4h9m

Maury Povich is exactly where I went before even seeing u/murderousbudgie 's comment. I'm not saying you should feel like you have to break up with this girl over this...but that is not a good sign.

I, personally (and especially at 23), would run.

reinaesther 31 4h42m

Dude. Run. Run. Run. No amount of pretty or like will save your from a hellish relationship if you continue (hopefully I’m wrong, but unlikely).

If you stand for this degree of childishness/immaturity, this is just giving her the open door to try crazier stuff later.

I don’t care how pretty she is. How much you like her. How much the ‘good times’ outweigh the crazy. This is madness.

If you want any type of healthy, wholesome relationship, look elsewhere. And ask this girl to get into therapy ASAP. That’s extreme insecurity and can’t be good for her now or later.

Did I say run? (And tell her to get therapy as you’re running for the hills.)

rantingpacifist 29 4h31m

You aren’t dismissing her feelings, you are taking them into full account and giving them their full weight. These are crazytown bananapants feelings and they have nothing to do with you, so run.

StrawberryKiller 21 4h24m

I would be furious if someone did this to me. As a (formerly insecure) woman I am urging you to drop this psycho like a hot potato. What she did was so friggan disrespectful to you it almost feels like a violation. Why on earth would you put up with this type of bullshit. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. Keep it moving.

thinkingwhynot 10 3h40m


alreadygoneKKbye 9 3h32m

Her feelings are valid but that doesn’t mean they still aren’t batshit crazy. Run, dude.

pixiegod 8 4h18m

The feeling is always ok...the actions following not so much.

For instance...it’s ok for me to hate someone...it’s not ok to beat them over the head with a shovel, no matter how much I hate them.

RayneAdams 6 5h22m

Guaranteed she's a poke-holes-in-condoms type of girl.

mouth_in_slow_motion 5 4h44m

I'd dismiss her feelings too. Maybe she'll learn not to act like that with the next guy. That's insane.

PossiblyWitty 5 4h47m

If those are the feelings she’s having, she needs to sort them out with a therapist. Playing at Cheaters the tv show in real life is a good way for someone to get hurt.

SurvivorSoul7 3 4h43m

If you phrased it that way, then it’s quite easy to see why she feels dismissed. Try to use “I feel” rather than “you are.” While all of your feelings make sense here, and she is in the wrong, there are ways to communicate it constructively. If you need to call someone crazy/irrational, then the conversation ideally needs to be framed in a very constructive way. Especially if you call a woman crazy, good luck. Her actions have caused you harm and bad feelings, there is also a rhyme and reason behind what she’s doing. So rather than call her crazy, put yourself in her shoes and think about why she is doing this in the context of her stated feelings and her history. She probably feels dismissed because if you put yourself in her shoes, you wouldn’t think it’s crazy anymore. She also needs to put herself in your shoes, and if she had done that before carrying out this plan she probably wouldn’t have done this. If her honest motivations and feelings are too much for you, then it’s a positive thing it’s all on the table, rather than shutting it down by calling it crazy. You’ll get the full picture and make a more informed decision about whether she will be a compatible partner for you in the future.

[deleted] 3 5h54m

She was completely content with testing you and manipulating you.

You’ve been together six months. This is still the honeymoon period. This is when she’s on her best behavior.

Please tell me why you’re trying to salvage this. I genuinely want you to tell me.

[deleted] 3 7h54m

Don't tell her how she's acting. Just tell her how you feel. And then get out for good and don't look back. Don't give her room to argue. She can't argue you back into your relationship, right? RIGHT? For the love of God let that at least be something you can stick by even if you make the mistake of trying to fix this with her. She would have to at least, in that very sad circumstance, win you back with trust and love and care. ANYTHING besides that is only more distance. RIGHT?

Also, don't try to fix this one. Life is short and there are wonderful people out there that will only give you love and care and trust and good will. Give those things to yourself first though.

saifman95 2 4h31m

Ahh the old “dismissing their feeling” and making you think you’re the crazy one

BakedJersey336 215 17m

Yeah, what a crazy little girl. This type of behavior only gets worse. She’s likely a borderline.

If you don’t dump her and run today, you are a moron. Tho letting a random stranger in your house in the first place is pretty dumb too, you obviously don’t make the smartest decisions. She could have robbed you or made a false rape claim.

thro3w7away 190 31m

I agree with your second point but it was broad daylight, she seemed totally normal, her story sounded believable. I’ve once knocked on the door of a complete stranger and asked for a help so I didn’t think it was a big deal. But in hindsight, yeah it was stupid. The crime rate where I live is also fairly high. Idk what I was thinking.

cn2092 242 3h47m

idk what I was thinking

You were thinking that she was super hot. Lol

pm_me_your_squid 98 5h50m

is this a test?

ringNwrong 14 8h39m

You passed!

thewonpercent 5 9h11m

He's HIV positive!

[deleted] 18 4h2m

How did you end up with her phone number though? I’m not understanding how that happened by your story.

bearnecessities66 31 4h42m

He said the girl texted him. She probably got his phone number from the crazy gf.

Ashleemashlee 60 4h56m

It's probably another "test." I couldn't trust anything going on in that situation. Who knows when the girlfriend is "testing" him again or if someone is being sincere.

bearnecessities66 4 6h50m

You're definitely right.

plenty_of_eesh 3 7h29m

That's what I thought too, but if he needs to dump the gf anyway.... might as well test the theory!

OP, go for the spygirl, have fun!

georgiameow 3 8h35m

Her feelings of jealousy and insecurity, in her view, is your problem, when it is, in fact, her problem she needs to work on. I would sit down and ask her if she can accept being loved, can she trust that you truly love her. If she cant perhaps she needs to go get some therapy and see what's really happening to make her feel this way.

I used to be like this when I was a teen with many mental health issues, I didn't believe anyone could love me, therefore they were lying and cheating or whatever, when it was me not allowing myself to be loved.

I_am_elephant 106 1h16m


The "little girl" made me cringe. And you can't be "a borderline".

OP's girlfriend has some serious trust issues and I really don't think it was ok. OP, I think you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel about this.

shybonobo 39 2h27m

Borderline Personality Disorder is a thing.

bearnecessities66 87 4h48m

Okay, that's rude. I have BPD. Being crazy, obsessive, and jealous, which this girl clearly is, does not equal BPD.

mirrx 49 5h8m

I also have BPD and I thought that comment was really ignorant too.

scream6464 27 7h28m

People use words like boarderline, OCD, and bi-polar wrong all the time. They are real disorders with strict definitions. I’m sorry people take your real disorder and turn it into a colloquial insult.

madguins 7 6h7m

Same. I’d never hire or even ask a chick to test my boyfriend. That’s next level shit.

hatesthis 3 12h32m

Yeah, I felt like that comment was kinda implying people with bpd are undeserving of love and that all people who act crazy in relationships have BPD. Not cool.

eeowynne 19 4h2m

Are you fucking serious? I agree that this girl is crazy. But that doesn’t entitle you to go using mental illness as a bad thing and accusing her of being borderline. Borderline does not equal crazy nor does it mean jeopardizing the safety of others or putting someone in this kind of position. Sincerely, a pissed off, normal and medicated borderline.

coolasafool462 5 8h39m

well that's an ignorant thing to say.

cn2092 49 3h46m

Mine sliced her wrists, broke my window, and got taken the hospital in cuffs, so.... run.

kaiketsu_zubat 14 3h31m

Ha ha this is exactly like Maury and his sexy decoys!

Cobracaillou 3 4h26m

Run like you on fire

TheEstherCutie 3 5h39m

Holy, that's why you try your damn best to not bring baggage into any new relationship. Uff. That was HELLA childish of her.

civilizedfrog 8201 S 1h16m

She seems fun. Like "stab you in your sleep because you came 10 mins late from work" fun.

Also, keep us updated.

notyounaani 779 5h41m

She will probably stab him to death because he talked to a girl and seemed flirty or cheated on him.. in a dream.

His girlfriend aounds exactly like a girl who sat next to me in highschool who went full bananas at me because I ignored her in one of her dreams, which meant I was dead to her until thr stars aligned and I was forgiven because we were gemini "birthday twinsies" which makes us cosmic level besties.

He needs to run, and when he thinks he has run far enough he needs to run some more, probably to New Zealand for good measure.

GingerGuerrilla 274 7h53m




Airaniel 63 8h35m

She will definitely stab him


Not_PepeSilvia 3 14h5m



itisi_saidthegradle 22 8h42m

If you read between the lines, she will probably stab him and he needs to run

thewonpercent 6 9h3m

Thank you I needed that

Qikdraw 95 6h56m


My wife was mad at me one day and I didn't know why, and every time I asked she said it was 'nothing'. Which is really irritating and I hate it when she (or my past gfs) does that, so I started to get upset with her. Once she realised I was seriously upset (and not playing) she told me that she found out that I was cheating on her. Huh? Yes, I cheated on her in a dream and she was mad at me about it. Ugh. At least she didn't carry on that way, and she knew it was stupid for her to be mad at me for her dream but she couldn't stop it. She didn't like my suggestion that I go out and cheat on her so her feelings were validated. So I just said I would dream about cheating on her. She didn't like that suggestion either. lol

civilizedfrog 24 9h8m

Lol. My girl had the same dream a while back. I comforted her and then while cuddling her I asked if she was hot.

NatMorine 3 12h36m

I've had dreams about my partner cheating on me while I watched from a magic closet...I got turned on lol.

Stupid_Trash 53 6h47m

Wtf, that's some next level shit.

thefilthytwo 23 7h51m

Yeah bro you'll be all good down here in New Zild, no crazy chicks whatsoever.

hungdonkey 4 12h55m

lets hope he doesnt land in hamilton

TsukasaHimura 6 8h14m

It is better than the scary story I have heard about a crazy woman cut off her husband's penis because she thought he cheated on her. Ouch!

Bartleby_TheScrivene 32 5h56m

holy shit I forgot this was a thing my ex wife did to me. not the stab part but definitely the 10 minutes late part and I have to explain where I was like I was on trial

FuzzyYogurtcloset 31 8h34m

As of now, OP has stated he would dump his GF, but hasn't posted for 2 hours.

He dead.

Fapiness 13 8h48m

7 hours now. Definitely ded.

TheDMatemyHomework 4 12h25m

12 hours now.

Pouring one out for the fallen.

slokenny 26 5h29m

Yes, keep us updated. I’m pulling for you man.

Luskarian 18 5h34m

This looks like a bad plot from a tsundere anime.

Acidwipes 21 6h12m

Yandere my friend. We just haven't seen the knives stashed under the bed yet.

Luskarian 3 6h43m

I need to study Anime a bit more

CritSrc 4 9h28m

Research you mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Luskarian 4 10h6m

For Science ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

packetthriller 7 6h25m

Yes OP, please be careful. Also, wear chainmail to bed.

honag 3 6h49m

Has anyone seen the documentary, Dear Zachery? She sounds like Shirley. She ended up shooting her ex 5 times and killing him when he tried to leave.... I’m sure that won’t happen to OP though 😬

SirFriendlyFellow 3 8h4m

Get out of there my man.

Buksey 3 8h34m

She seems like the "blames you for something you did in her dream" type crazy.

belgiantwatwaffles 6426 S P 57m


Ditch this fruit loops.

aaronryder773 516 3h21m
mrlittle77u 114 5h3m

Thank you for this

aaronryder773 15 5h55m

You're welcome. :D this is exactly how I found this subreddit.

applliese_ 10 6h0m

🎶It's the circle of life🎶

1_UpvoteGiver 339 10h11m

Red flag. Foul on the play. Dis bitch kray. The type of chick to poke holes in your condoms to lock you in.

phantomatlarge 5 14h46m

Don’t be the Saints, pull a flag on this shit bc this is textbook

smashingintoyourdm 3 14h24m


PeaceMK 129 11h54m

"Passed the test" holy shit how humiliating it must be for the guy. If she was near him she'd probably give you a pat on the head and say "good boy" too.

Im not your student or your subject, im your partner. I would have some serious thoughts of breaking up right there.

frandrthy 66 13h24m

Tell her she failed

thebrandedman 3 14h58m

"I may have passed your test, but you failed mine."

themonsterkeeper 35 4h36m

This made me realize I want to be called a frosted flake one day.

And yes, OP, run! That wouldn’t be the last test.

IAA_ShRaPNeL 4 13h41m

You.. uh, want to get frosted? I think the term used is glazed.

avrafrost 9 10h17m

I’m normally not much for advocating a break up but this ones not a keeper. This is an attempted controller.

oblectoergosum 7 13h7m

Stage 1: Boyfriend passed test. Stage 2: Boyfriend passed test 2. Stage 3: Boyfriend passed test 3. Stage 4: Boyfriend passed test 4. . . . . . . Stage 263: Boyfriend fails test 263. Stage 264: Prepare Boyfriend for ceremonial slaughter.

MoeJillionaire 4 13h21m

Stage 265: Profit

oblectoergosum 3 14h49m

Stage 266: Find new boyfriend

m_addison13 3 5h22m

Oh my gosh i love that

MistyRegions 3 10h30m

Silly rabbit trix are for kids!

xtrabaconplease 4521 1m

This is creepy, manipulative and a HUGE red flag.
She doesnt trust you in the least, She never will. Eventually the results from her "test" will fade and she will test you again, and again.

shybonobo 631 2h28m

Even her friend's thinking he's hot for passing the 'test' could very well be a setup.

litslens 239 4h45m

If OP stays in a relationship with her, anything OP does might be second guessed as a “test”. Is that really a way to live? Or have a happy relationship? She doesn’t trust you which will in turn cause you not to trust her (if she’ll try and test every move you make)..

BillyMac814 50 3h42m

That’s what I thought, who’s to say that isn’t the second part of the test. At that point I’d be pressing the issue and trying to hook up with the friend. I’d be ending it with the gf anyway so might as well.

Stalked_Like_Corn 18 12h50m

This reminds me of the story:



The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

DogeOfWoofstreet 94 2h23m

And next time she won't "congratulate" you.

Also at this point I wouldn't trust anything that other girl says tbh.

OuijaAllin 84 5h35m


If OP continues seeing this chick, he deserves whatever he gets. This bizarre fucking scheme is all the proof he needs that she’s fucked in the head and looking to punish him for nonexistent crimes.

NorcoXO 9 9h16m

Fool me once, shame on you.. fool me....fool me on- can’t get fooled again.

peterpayne 8 8h7m

Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice. :(

powabiatch 17 4h48m

Red flags are indicators that something might be wrong. This is not a red flag, it IS the problem.

33saywhat33 11 11m


mackafat 4 7h4m

Should be running faster than Usain Bolt. Seriously. Bitch crazy.

Lesabere 3 7h43m

This is true. She’s never going to feel comfortable in a relationship because she’s not comfortable in her head. You can’t fix that only she can.

NotRickDeckard1982 3497 40m

"Congratulations girlfriend, I passed another test! I've realized you're insane, and am dumping you!"

aaronryder773 266 3h24m


thatantidote 9 11h23m

The New Testament

FitChickFourTwennie 2427 3m

Huge red flag! RUN!

ddh85 396 4h24m


Woe man.


beigs 157 4h32m

She was a thief

You’ve got to belief

She stole my heart and my cat :|

DifferentBag 58 6h27m

Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats.

They make me horny

Saturday morning

girls of cartoons

will leave me in ruins

I want to be Betty's Barney.

xwedewx 38 6h59m

Hey Jane Get me off this crazy thing Called love

Thrashgasm9ho7 4 8h24m

Saturday morney*

Jim1903 3 10h41m

She smelled like soup!

SuperSlovak 6 6h43m

Yeah no amount of sex is worth it when she is completely bat shit crazy. ABORT!

[deleted] 2382 1h39m


Master_Dogs 303 4h31m

Google Voice gives out free numbers. Wouldn't be hard for the crazy GF to get a second number and pretend to be the bait girl. The "dump your gf, you deserve better!" comment from the "bait girl" sounds like Test #2: does OP REALLY REALLY LIKE ME???

IcecreamDave 93 7h19m

OP the type of kid to get into a van for free candy if he falls for test #2.

thunderbuttxpress 84 5h23m

She could also be doing it so that if (hopefully WHEN) he dumps her, she can spin it as he failed the test.

OP, this isn't a small issue. It's possible she may mature out of her insecurities with a lot of hard work on her part, but I don't think it's going to happen for her if you tolerate this behavior. You'll be validating it in her mind and that may encourage her.

kynthrus 26 8h22m

For the sake of her future relationships you need to either break up with her and make sure she knows the petty trust issues are the reason, OR somehow get her to be more trusting and loving without the shock of being dumped which isn't likely.

thro3w7away 2109 S 5h44m


I can’t really write an update since I’m confused and speechless myself



I’m definitely going to dump GF but she seems very, very emotionally unstable right now

bransontsn 1108 5h48m

Bro run before she stabs you

[deleted] 547 7h20m

No joke, my friend’s brother got shot by his girlfriend for breaking up with her. Then she shot herself and they had two kids. :( this behavior should be taken seriously

bransontsn 149 8h59m

Oh man, i dont mean to be rude, but did he survive?

[deleted] 274 9h5m

Unfortunately neither survived. I hope this brings awareness that types of behavior such as that shown by this girl can truly could lead to something violent.

bransontsn 128 9h27m

Man, sorry for your loss

[deleted] 80 9h38m


cccmikey 15 11h44m

Had to read that one twice. Couldn't figure out how they had two kids after both being shot.

AdamGR1999 3 14h20m

yeah me too.

Hannah591 4 13h45m

My dad's childhood friend got stabbed and killed by his girlfriend some years back now. Guys don't seem to seek help when they're being emotionally abused and sometimes I think they're unaware and think it only happens to women, so they don't see the warning signs until it's too late.

Rabb1tH3ad 503 5h49m

Her emotional stability is not your problem, she's causing all the issues here and you're just basically being dragged along for the ride.

Talk to her, explain how you feel, and dump her. This is something she's gonna have to deal with alone.

seudaven 28 10h4m

I aggree, at a certain point you have to take care of your self.

TV_PartyTonight 3 15h8m

you are not responsible for the dysfunction of others

flammafemina 316 5h58m

If she’s threatening to harm herself or someone else, call the fucking cops. Call her parents. Call literally anyone. She did this all to herself and now she’s making you pay the price. It’s fucked up on so many levels, and if you haven’t kicked her ass out yet, then you are subjecting yourself to her manipulation. Don’t be her doormat. Girl needs serious help from real professionals.

Rickyyy_Spanishhh 116 7h25m

Don't break up with her in person or at least without witnesses, you never know what she could make up. If she comes over, don't open the door. If she refuses to leave call the cops.

winter1984 7 13h16m

Yes. And Possibly in this situation it's safer for you to end relationship over the phone

Bizzaarmageddon 76 8h20m

Truth. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

deutscheprinzessin 6 8h51m

This needs to be higher up. I’m absolutely sure she’s gonna threaten self-harm in order to manipulate him. Girl is nuttier than squirrel shit.

FilmmakerRyan 310 6h36m


She's acting like this because she realizes she gave you a damn good reason to leave. She's freaking out. This is how she'll be regardless of if you wait or not. It's going to be ugly.

Rip the band aid off. Get rid of her and stop giving her control over you. You can do this.

RortyMick 152 6h20m

I broke up with a toxic crazy girl once. I moved my car from where I normally parked it to down a couple blocks. Good thing too because a buddy of mine saw her hours later walking around the parking lot with a tire iron.

I encourage you to do something similar, and possibly to sleep somewhere else tonight / change your locks if she has a key.

darkfight13 4 13h2m

Plus a restraining order if possible. Or one in the future if she does have be up damaging op property.

FappyDilmore 150 5h51m

This is incredible haha. It sounds like your girl recruited somebody with a similar mindset as her to help her with her "test," they both sound fucking crazy. Jealousy is a pretty ugly thing to deal with. I've learned the hard way it never gets better and it always gets worse. You'll be better off when this is in your rear view mirror.

slangwitch 3 14h41m

No normal woman would hear that crazy idea for a test and think it's a great plan. Just by participating, this other woman already proved herself to be insane too.

GeekyAine 98 6h18m

"instability" is a common tool for emotional abusers (WHICH SHE ABSOLUTELY IS BTW).

Give as few fucks about her as she clearly gives about you and fucking run.

arborkiller 86 6h5m

It doesn't matter that she's emotionally unstable. She caused it.

Text her "We're done", block her, and never look back.

This is literally what ghosting was invented for.

FragsturBait 77 7h51m

She knows where he lives, and based on his accounts she's obviously a little extra crazy.

/u/thro3w7away needs to dump her in public with other people around and find somewhere else to stay/keep his car for a few days. He also needs to keep screenshots of all these texts and any further communications in case he has to file a restraining order. I hate to sound alarmist but this girl has the kind of issues that might not give up and go away just because he wants her to.

charisma6 8 10h46m


Adsias 7 12h23m


IAmKind95 3 15h13m

u/thro3w7away we care about you OP! you need to cut her loose AfknSAP

GeekyAine 57 6h19m

Also, to echo another commenter: isn't dealing with this fucking exhausting?

bubblebuttie 44 5h56m

She'll likely try to use your pity to keep you around. I'm with everyone else here dude. Cut her out of your life like you are ripping a bandaid off. It's gonna be rough but the quicker you are out the quicker you can move on. Don't let her snake you in, she's going to try to stop you.

JobetTheIntern 36 6h11m

Her stability is not your problem, she lost the right to your concern at the beginning of this saga. Get away from her ASAP

KyleMcMahon 36 6h30m

HER REACTION to your decision is not your problem. She caused this. What she’s doing by her current actions of acting hysterical over a relationship of 6 months is further manipulation. Run bro. Fast.

Caroline_Bintley 30 9h15m


She will never get healthy as long as there is a payoff for staying sick. Trust me, I've been there. I stayed another year while things got steadily worse.

She has continually demonstrated a willingness to play the victim so she can control you. Her hostility towards your female friends, the "test", her claim that you lack empathy when you objected, and now her "hysterical" behavior.

I'm not saying it's all an act and she's not genuinely distressed - for all I know she's actually upset. But you cannot force her to be healthy by letting her suck you into her dysfunction. You cannot reward her controlling behavior and expect it to stop. On one level or another, this is another control tactic.

If she has threatened to hurt herself, you can call the police.

Block her equally manipulative accomplice. This woman is a shit-stirrer and quite possibly still "testing" you.

Make sure you do not have any valuable property your STBX could damage. If you use street parking, follow the advice in other comments and move your car. If you have any personal possessions at her place, decide whether or not it's worth writing off.

If she has a copy of your house key, consider changing the locks.

If you are on good terms with her family, you might send a FB message to her mom and dad explaining what has happened. Try to give an objective retelling of events, then say that while you cannot continue seeing her you are concerned about her seemingly erratic behavior and wanted to let them know.

While I would generally advocate a face to face break up, this probably calls for text. Not just because she might flip her shit, but because then you have a record of the conversation. She has less room to try to make false accusations.

She will probably try to suck you into a debate. She may use rage and she may try to play on your pity. Remember that the conversation is not over when she accepts your decision because that will never happen. The conversation is over when you have made your position clear.

Block her number. Block her on every social media platform she could use to harass or stalk you.

I'm sorry you've gotten tangled up with someone unhealthy, OP. I know what it's like to want to see the best in someone, to want to help them when they're clearly hurting. Remember though that the best thing you can do in this situation is to refuse to get sucked into her toxicity. There are resources out there if she wants to get healthy (and her family can support her in that), but she will use any relationship with you as a way to hide from her real problems. You can't force her to get help, but you can decline to provide the distraction.

Good luck OP!

Edgecloser 20 6h43m

Honestly dude, everyone is telling you to ‘run’ is being dramatic but the idea of what they are saying is the right call

Could you ever imagine doing these things to your girlfriend? Probably not. It’s not normal or logical behavior.

Relationships should be built on trust, and if she can’t trust you enough to discuss her insecurity/trust issues and how you can help her overcome them, then her needing to reinforce your commitment independently makes it very unlikely you will ever gain that level of trust.

jebanehaslo 14 7h13m

Man your life expectancy just dropped.

Always lock your doors and windows wear stab resistant vest, change your name, habits, and leave country, avoid main roads .

In all honesty, this may still be part of a test, or is just a clusterfuck that is likely to escalate.

Jingr 11 8h12m

6 months in and she's already forcing you to second guess your own reality.

You think you "really like" her. But you don't. This is the real her. She's nuts and probably pretty untrustworthy herself. She's in no mental state to be in a relationship, and that's not your responsibility to get her into one.

This will never be a healthy relationship. Move on, now.

SomaSovari 4 6h28m

Dodge this cannonball, dude.

Elizabitch4848 3 7h13m

You just keep proving to her that her acting crazy (batshit insane) will make you feel sorry for her and keep her around. She wins. Do you really want to encourage that? She’s just going to get crazier.

Oh and include me in the group of people in an above conversation who was accused of cheating (I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life) and it turned out that my bf was sleeping around. I’ve never understood the behavior but it’s highly suspicious.

jackrgyrl 3 7h19m

She was always emotionally unstable - you just didn’t know before this.

[deleted] 3 7h25m

Echoing others on here. Her instability, while probably very real, is still a ploy. She is acting abusively. That is controlling and manipulative behavior. If she is a threat to herself, call the authorities. That's the extent of what you owe her. It sucks. You care about her and she cares about you, but she is being abusive and it's VERY unlikely to get better. This isn't worth sticking it out. She needs help but that's her problem. Take care of yourself, OP.

fredbrightfrog 3 8h2m

freaked out

absolutely hysterical.

crazier by the second

batshit insane and need intensive therapy.

very, very emotionally unstable

Yep, none of that is what you want to deal with for the next 50 years. Run like hell and when you even think about looking back put our head down and run even harder. Your legs hurt and your lungs burn but keep fucking running.

Kairain 3 8h37m


Not only would I not want to date a person anymore who went to such manipulative lengths, I would NEVER date the person who thought it was OK to try and seduce someone else's boyfriend. Both are major red flags. Don't let your weiner do the thinking on this one.

certifiedintelligent 3 12h58m

she seems very, very emotionally unstable right now

This is a trap.

Take it from someone who broke up with his emotionally unstable ex-gf in an emergency room because I couldn't deal with her drama anymore.

Don't get to the point where you have to dump her in the ER.

Kuftubby 3 13h51m

She seems very emotionally unstable right now

That’s her problem, not yours.

Get out while you can, like others have said. I’ve been in a similar situation and I can tell you that the “tests” won’t stop. It’s a huge red flag and speaks volumes of her character.

FineMeasurement 1553 S 8m

You need to get the fuck out of that relationship. That is not an acceptable behavior. It indicates serious trust and boundary issues.

By the way, anyone that paranoid about cheating is revealing something about themselves. Either that she's already cheated/cheating, or that she's damn close to it at any given moment. They project THEIR inability to control themselves onto others. She thinks you're one flirt from a cute girl away from cheating, because she knows that SHE is one flirt with the right guy away from cheating.


Bruh, it's another test. Come on man.

Anyway, if you stay in this relationship, shit will go hilariously bad. So please don't, or at least let us know if you do so we can get a good laugh.

thro3w7away 906 12m


I didn’t even think of it that way but you’re right. Considering the fact that no one has ever cheated on her, it’s strange that she’s so paranoid. I think I’ve been kinda blinded by the fact I really like her

rj2029x 306 43m

Yep, no one's ever had the chance to cheat on her because she's cheated on all of them first. Run OP.

Sonjecka 74 4h42m

Yea, my thoughts also. People that cheated before are most likely to be afraid that the other person in the relationship will cheat.

LordyJesusChrist 267 4h58m

Can confirm. I had always heard that always being worried about your SO cheating is a red flag for someone who is indeed cheating themselves. But when I found who I thought was ‘the one,’ I dismissed what all common sense had told me.

My gf was constantly worried about me cheating and went as far as accusing me of cheating with a friend who came over for some help with school work. She would even question if I was cheating with dudes sometimes...

I always trusted her but was once putting her drunk ass to bed when I saw a very inappropriate text pop up on her phone... from her boss

Long story short... she’s a cheater. It’s hard wired into her. I later found out that she has a track record.

I usually refrain from telling people to “run” on this sub... as that seems to be the advice for practically any minor inconvenience these days... but in this case, I’d get out while it’s still fresh. 6 months is not much time invested but give it another year and it will be that much harder.

I didn’t run when I saw the signs... ended up staying for 3 years and it broke me that much more when I had to accept the reality of ending things

burnbabyburn9999 129 6h8m

Four years of marriage, wife didn't want me to make healthy changes because I'd cheat on her if I lost weight... I couldn't reply to comments on Facebook (example: her cousin (f) wanted to go fishing and I replied publicly for all the world to see "we should go next weekend" wife accused me of cheating). Never cheated once... But turns out she was the whole time.

charisma6 19 10h47m

Damn that's fucked up

Erben_Legend 9 11h15m

Just reading this gives me anxiety caused from my ex.

She pushed me away from all of my female friends (which I mostly only have), tried to fatten me up and stopped me from going back to uni to study. All because "If you meet someone else you will leave me".

After two years of this during which I tried to break up with her three times (but she wouldn't leave and I was to weakened to stand my ground at that point) and became incredibly depressed (even having suicidal thoughts to escape her) she decides she's going to cheat her way onto another guy.

PiecesofJane 5 9h17m

Can confirm. Ex husband was constantly worrying I was cheating even though I'm loyal as they come and never gave him a reason to doubt me.

Turns out HE was the one cheating. (Likely throughout our entire relationship, though I only have proof of the last half.)

bjarki2330 3 12h49m


Are you me and are you talking about my ex?

EuCleo 78 4h47m


Yeah. We've been there. Sex is nice. It's the original drug. Be strong. Be kind, especially to yourself. Break up with her.

Ecleptomania 3 12h3m

Shit I've been with women I didn't even like hanging with, for over two years... Because sex and "NoT BeInG AlOnE" - god how stupid was that?

You know how great single life can be?

SoMuchMoreEagle 52 2h37m

Girl needs some serious therapy.

masterstormo 21 4h51m

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. That or she is looking for a reason to make you a bad guy so she can hold it against you, leave, or justify shit she has done or is planning to do. Please leave. If she is doing this at 6 months it is only going to get so much worst.

Good luck!

ZombieMcGibblets 20 5h7m

My ex best friend was extremely paranoid about being cheated on in every relationship she was in while I knew her. Yet she freely admitted to me that she had cheated on every boyfriend she had ever had. She knew what she was capable of and projected it on her SOs. She installed tracker apps secretly on their phones, would drive by certain locations if the app showed them somewhere, sent testing texts asking where they were to see if it would match the tracker. She was insane and she was always about one step away from trapping a guy with pregnancy (she didn’t pull the trigger while we were friends, but she told me she thought about it a lot). Run. She will not change.

TheDMatemyHomework 4 12h47m

She installed tracker apps secretly on their phones

This is why nobody gets access to my phone.

Flinkum 5 5h46m

I've had 2 girlfriends cheat on me. Both of them started accusing me of cheating before I found out what they were up to. I think for a lot of cheaters they think 'if I'm getting away with it so are they'

Run for the hills friendo. God knows how many more 'tests' she's going to put you through

[deleted] 5 8h32m

Not trying to be devil's advocate, but I don't fully agree about the "revealing something about themselves" part. It might be the case in some situations, but I don't think that's necessarily true by default.

For me personally, I used to be the jealous type when I was younger. I was incredibly loyal, but I had horrible body dysmorphia and insecurities. I just hated myself so I figured people would find someone "better" than me and it made me paranoid. But I never did anything to jeopardize the relationship and I would quickly shut down other people flirting with me. I don't know. That's just by perspective

Ruben625 3 5h2m

Dude did you not hear the other guy? RUN FFS! YOU SHOULD BE IN MEXICO BY NOW!

todahawk 3 5h21m

Yeah, it’s called projection. Run.

sililil 3 5h57m

Projection often explains extreme jealousy. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s cheating on you, honestly.

exploding_cat_wizard 3 10h9m

That might be overdoing it. Trust issues can come from many side, negligent authority persons she trusted over many years (parents, teachers, something like that) coming to mind.

That doesn't change the fact that this situation sounds exhausting in its own right. This girl needs therapy, probably for a long while, before she's ready for a relationship. From your description, I don't think there's any chance a loving boyfriend can save her, she needs professionals.

If you really, really think she's the one (and from other comments I'm getting the idea that you don't. After half a year, I'm not surprised, that takes time), you could consider getting her to go to couples therapy with you. But that is a huge effort, and her problems won't be gone in 6 months. And, I can't stress this enough, you don't owe her any effort in that regard. If for some reason you decide to do it, do it for your sake, not for hers.

After reading more follow ups, forget that shit. Go. Tell her, from a safe distance, that she needs therapy, and cut lose.

bulls55 27 3h45m


Feels like I should point out that there could be other factors beside that specific one. Example being that it could be that a lot of people who have trust issues when it comes to cheating is due to them getting cheated on a bunch of times. Remember a few instances of relatives having really bad taste in men/women and hooking up with people that are the type to be likely to cheat on them.

bluescrew 26 5h9m

It's stated in the OP that the gf has never been cheated on. My immediate thought was "she herself is the cheater then"

Billy_Lo 3 9h28m

ding ding ding we got a winner

EuCleo 18 4h48m

But OP established she hasn't been cheated on.

WonderingSoul87 4 6h50m

Yes so much yes to this. I have had boyfriends tell me this crap in the past and 100% of the time they had already/or planned to cheat.

I can't believe I was dumb enough to stay.. Soo dumb of me. Lost 3 years of my life, man. 3 years on some ass-hat.

strawberrygnome 3 6h54m

Came here to say this. Cheaters think everyone cheats and liars think everyone lies. This is so important to remember.

westernpygmychild 3 6h56m

FYI, people could be paranoid about cheating if they’ve been cheated on before....

Def not the case for OP, he should run. But just sayin’

perhapsnew 1280 1h24m

You passed the test, but she did not. What she is doing is crazy and dangerous.

Dump her.

her accomplice is urging me to end the relationship.

Your soon to be ex will not change. Ever. It will only get worse. This girl knows what's up.

Here is the thing. After you dump your GF, don't contact this one who "tested" you. Don't try to talk to her. Keep a distance. She is close enough to your crazy GF so you don't know how it will evolve.

Skyy-High 469 4h24m

Right, any friend crazy enough to go along with this plan is too crazy to date.

[deleted] 159 7h20m

Friggin this 1000%. This whole thing is seriously wrong and everyone involved in it are waaaaaay off the deep end.

SpiralTap304 7 7h39m

But fuck her one good time. People say don’t put your dick in crazy but the real mistake is when you KEEP putting your dick in crazy.

andromeda154 1196 G 4h55m

There are a lot of male voices here so I’m just going to add a female POV.

She’s nuts. Run like hell.

Lots of women have trust issues for any number of reasons. Most of us don’t set up tests for our SO’s that would be unworthy of a teenage high school romance.

If you let this slide, next it will be going through your phone etc (I’d wager she already has on the sly), vetting your social media, controlling all your friendships (male and female), and tracking your movements. Because, for this type of personality, there will never be enough proof, she will test you again and again, and up the control to abate her rampant insecurities.

You can’t fix this. Maybe therapy can but, 6 months into a relationship at your young age, that’s not your responsibility. Give her the wake-up call she needs and tell her that you’re ending the relationship because of her actions. Hopefully, but I wouldn’t count on it, she will get professional help.

Edit: fixed typo

Wobblyloo101 74 11h15m

Incredibly good advice and very true

NateGrizzlyWins 6 14h1m

The second text is definitely a Test! My child’s mother was the same way and she turned out to be the biggest cheater ever! Find a woman who is not so insecure and your life will be sooooooo much better!! This is something a teen would do. I know u may be scared and think you going to be lonely but you really should break up with her. Tell her since she think you going to cheat so much, let’s just be friends! You will still be able to have sex with her and she can’t say sht when you do find better woman!

spilgrim16 218 2m

You deal with this by breaking up with her. He trust issues are not likely to get better, and that sort of test is completely over the top to an almost sitcom level of stupid. These issues aren't going to get better, because it doesn't seem like your GF sees her overwhelming jealousy/insecurity as a problem. You deal with this by leaving. Hopefully eventually enough people will break up with her over her crazy behavior that she'll eventually get a grip.

tequilyamockingbird 5 5h0m

Yeah I saw a movie on Netflix with this setup.

theskipster 181 37m

wouldn’t want something as stupid as this to ruin our relationship

You need to change the word "stupid" to "psycho." This is not the behavior of a well adjusted individual. If you are foolish enough to stay with her please keep all your sharp kitchen knives locked up while she is around. This type of unhinged thinking is indicative of a potentially dangerous person.

I say you should drop your girlfriend and see if you have a shot with the hot accomplice.

thro3w7away 77 1h13m

I know it’s borderline psycho but is it really indicative of violent behavior? She has never been violent with me before. Genuine question

taway135711 274 1h23m

It's not borderline psycho, it is psycho. If she had a moment of insecurity and did something crazy like this and then was hugely embarrassed and apologetic afterwards and receptive to getting professional help to deal with her insecurity that would be one thing. However the fact that she "congratulated" you for passing the test, thought that you would react positively to having been subjected to such a test and is trying to make you feel like you are overreacting for calling her out on this means that you are either dating a 15 year old girl or a psycho. Either way, it's time to get out.

Ps: Don't even think about dating the bait girl. Anyone who would participate in this kind of ridiculous "test" is not worth giving the time of day.

[deleted] 126 2h23m

Ps: Don't even think about dating the bait girl

LOL indeed she is the crazier.

CreepyGir 44 3h40m

I feel like the bait girl isn’t interested, but is still being used as the bait.

Master_Dogs 20 4h30m

Either she's 1) As crazy as the crazy GF (maybe crazier too to want to take part?) or 2) Crazy gf is still testing OP

Who even knows if the girl texting OP is the bait girl? Google Voice gives out free numbers, and a girl crazy enough to get a friend/accomplice to go over to their BF's house and try to bait them is probably just crazy enough to get a fake number and continue testing OP. Plus crazy GF can continually test him every so often... the whole "dump your gf, you deserve better!" stuff strikes me as crazy gf still testing OP too.

OP could reverse Facebook the number and see if a legit profile pops up. Might lead to the bait girl, or might not lead anywhere (in which case, it's either a fake number, or bait girl hasn't linked her phone number to Facebook / doesn't use Facebook). Either way, just the whole bait girl thing is enough crazy town for me, run super far away OP.

pbnjaysandwich 23 4h37m

Shit I’m 15 year old girl and I wouldn’t even pull that kind of thing. What she did sounds super immature and kinda scary imo

slokenny 9 5h14m

It’s not borderline psycho, it’s borderline. Google it.

HonestFox1 42 1h25m

It’s a very good indicator of violent behaviour to come. She has already shown that she cant control herself or have normal reactions to insecurity and jealousy (like maybe seeing a therapist instead of doing what she did). She seemed normal before, and now shes comfortable enough to let her real unhinged side show. violent abusers do this kind of behaviour to reel their victims in. I doubt shes aware of what shes doing, but this is a common cycle of abuse. Do you really want to stick around to see if she’ll hurt herself first or if she’ll hurt you?

[deleted] 39 2h55m

I'm not an expert on psychology or mental illnesses but I've seen enough of my friends go through relationships with such people that there are some observations I've been able to make.

She has not displayed violent tendencies with you YET. People like her are very volatile. They have boundary issues and right now, she's trying to push the boundary to see how much of her behavior you will excuse. She's not used to being told "no" and "that's not good behavior". People like her tend to be the ones to escalate the situation, as evidenced by how she reacted to your valid reaction to the "test". She has no impulse control and she will literally do anything to get what she wants. If she finds herself at an impasse (as in, she realizes that you are not giving in and maintain that her behavior is shitty), she will no doubt resort to violent methods. She will throw things, scream at you, maybe even hit you. But it won't stop there. She will BLAME YOU for her actions, stating that since YOU are so insensitive, she was forced to be violent.


Justathrowawayyup 27 2h31m

Your ex is giving me serious deja vu, my ex had a lot of emotional problems, towards the end she tried to get me to hit her to blackmail me into staying with her.

Let me tell you there were a lot of signs before that, that I probably should have heeded "tests", emotional abuse, not allowing me to engage in my hobbies, see my friends male or female.

The kicker was she made me feel like crap for traveling to visit my mum in hospital after she had a stroke.

I know you care about this girl OP but if I were you I'd think and see if their were any othet instances of manipulative behaviour.

archemil 8 4h11m

These tests are never going to end. Let that sink in.

let_that_sink_in 12 4h11m
ColeHelderman 5 5h46m
clunsycurlss 4 4h28m

She seems out of touch with reality and allows her emotions to dictate her actions to the point where she does things that aren't socially acceptable without fully processing the consequences. If you do like her enough that you're willing to look past this then it's best that you suggest some form of counselling to her and maybe do it with her so that you're both on the same page and you're not as taken a back if she does this type of thing again because you'll understand her thinking process and how to resolve the issue. To me she seems to be unlucky and stuck with the phobia that no one wants and it might not be her fault.

Denny_Craine 2 4h42m

Dude this is so far beyond anything remotely close to ok that it doesn't matter if this is indicative of potentially violent behavior. This is unacceptable insane abusive shit. I've had abusive girlfriends in the past and I'm telling you that if you tolerate this, if you don't get out right now, you're gonna suddenly find yourself 2 years later not knowing how you got sucked in for so long and having the life drained out of you

PrincessPlastilina 29 50m

True. It’s not even a good relationship if she’s doing crap like this.

OP, you can do so much better than this. She’s emotionally manipulative. And there will be more tests btw. Girls who test boyfriends, test it all the time. She will test you in other ways. RUN.

CyberneticPanda 3 7h6m

Fuck that, the hot accomplice is nuts, too.

MPTN1973 130 3m

Holy shit, what she did was NOT ok. Your girlfriend is crazy. Run for your life, get some help.

AberdeenStrangler 104 15m

Simple, you break up with her and find someone who isn’t a crazy child playing fucking games with you.

That’s the mother of all red flags, walk away as nobody needs that level of crazy in their life.

BeakMeat 3 11h23m

This. Relationships are supposed to be (mostly) fun. Not shit show eggshell theater.

8365815 84 4h16m

OP, your GF is NOT paranoid.... she's extremely emotionally manipulative and abusive. She uses the excuse of "being worried/paranoid/hurt" to control your behavior, ie: make you perform "stupid human tricks" for her own pleasure, entertainment, and to feed her ego and feeling of power over you.

I don't know if you've ever read the resources over at R/justnomil or r/raisedbynarcissists on identifying Narc behavior and abuse, but you have a JustNo there. Run.

And, I mean this sincerely.... the other friend is 100% trouble, too. These are not the actions of mentally healthy, emotionally stable adults.

Block her everywhere and let your real friends and fam know to do the same, change all your passwords (even the o e you never gave her) and put a watch on your credit report for suspicious activity. BEFORE you dump her. But dump her quick. If you need more details about what shitblizzard awaits when decoupling from a Narcissist, read Shahida Arabi's Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare. Expect insane. Expect an extinction burst of begging, scenes, wearing you down any way she can, promises of sex, even threesomes with the hot friend, and stalking. So before you pull the trigger, teflon coat your whole existence with Bitchesbane.

Then, .... Amazon them a double-sided dildo, and tell them they can both fuck off together.

winter1984 3 13h23m

Yep. I dated a narcissist for 2 years. Dumped him citing 2 main reasons. A rumour that he had citculated made it back to me recently that He Dumped Me because of the two reasons. There is no limit to what's possible here.

PrincessPlastilina 74 45m

Oh hale naw.

I have trust issues and I wouldn’t do this. This is some real psycho shit. That’s not ok at all. She tried to set you up. You are more than right to be upset. This stuff isn’t cool. This is not healthy. And it means she doesn’t trust you and believe in you. I’d be livid if someone set me up. I hear people do that with fake usernames and such.

Look, I have the worst trust issues and I have never: 1) checked a guy’s phone, 2) asked for passwords, 3) been a psycho jealous girlfriend who makes a big deal about normal things. So don’t ever let anyone who has trust issues use that to be shitty to you.

ForgingHephaestus 72 6m

Leave her as soon as humanly possible. That’s manipulative, shady bullshit that only hints at more bullshit to come.

fa1afel 67 44m

This is disturbing and you aren't the one who needs more empathy.

FrozenRopeAce 50 5h40m

Take a moment and imagine the reverse situation.

Imagine paying some random dude to lie his way into your house and then aggressively try to have sex with your girlfriend. That feels like attempted rape or something disgusting. This is NOT okay and disgusting.

fa1afel 4 6h7m


drunkensailortt 65 2m

I’m sorry dude but that kind of thing is batshit crazy.

Hawkedge 57 2h17m

From the sounds of it, you are a participant in a relationship that will be difficult to sustain with the way its going now.

Like, read what you just typed out. She HIRED ANOTHER WOMAN to attempt to seduce you, HER LOVER, to test your loyalty.

That is textbook manipulation my man. She is very blatantly trying to control your relationship, and you, by trying to set you up to "wrong" her so you can say "no, I'm sorry, I didnt mean to, i love you" yadda yadda sonon and so forth.

Thats not how relationships that are healthy for either party work.

If you take off your rose-colored glasses you will see this is not just the largest flag in the world, but also the reddest flag in the world.

Best of luck OP.

shybonobo 55 2h26m

That is 'Kathy Bates ties you to a bed and crushes your feet with a sledge hammer' level crazy. And her friend is no catch, either.

nishathkhan 4 4h47m

Yup was thinking about this. Run OP

BiblicalGodlike 46 46m

Don't do crazy. This is just about the biggest red flag imaginable. If you don't dump her, you deserve the other crazy stuff she'll do. Run.

FrozenRopeAce 6 5h41m

Take a moment and imagine the reverse situation.

Imagine paying some random dude to lie his way into your house and then aggressively try to have sex with your girlfriend. That feels like attempted rape or something disgusting. This is NOT okay, disgusting and scary af.

BiblicalGodlike 3 6h29m

Yea, exactly

[deleted] 31 1h27m

You're an idiot, the test isn't over.

[deleted] 24 3h13m

The real test is making the door slam as loud as you can on the way out.

[deleted] 27 1h58m


ttlens 27 3h8m

How do I deal with this?

Stop sticking your dick in crazy.

kingsman043 23 1h18m

wait, what if she's still testing you buy telling the girl to tell you that you deserve better... smh life is confusing.

thro3w7away 14 1h22m

Well I’m gonna ask her now if that’s the case. I don’t think she would prolong the “test” like this but what do I know

itsallminenow 57 2h7m

I don’t think she would prolong the “test” like this

Jesus, talk about Stockholm syndrome. Do you not think she shouldn't be "testing" you at all? You need to explain to yourself why the fuck you're so convinced that this is the real relationship for you, because all you're doing with everyone who replies "Run" is deflect and avoid what they're saying that you don't want to hear.

CreepyGir 12 3h42m

Cut contact with both of them. Even if this isn’t test part 2, she’s nuts enough to get involved in the first place and your gf/ex is clearly unstable.

FrozenRopeAce 5 5h38m

Hey. Take a moment and imagine the reverse situation.

Imagine you paid some random dude to lie his way into your house and then aggressively try to have sex with your girlfriend. That feels like attempted rape or something disgusting. This is NOT okay. Please stay safe and GTFO.

pegmatitic 4 4h40m

Well, you also didn’t think she’d pay a cute girl to test your loyalty, and here we are, so ... I’m sorry, dude, but all bets are off.

EdWilkinson 22 1h36m


She didn't.

SJoyD 20 34m

Oh hell no. I'd be completely done with someone who tested me like this.

dco361 20 59m

Get out of that relationship, pronto. That's absolutely terrifying. Think, OP. Your girlfriend paid real money to have someone try and make you cheat? And while reading your post, you said that she was great but didn't mention how once.

Solitude_Kai 20 2h23m

OP, be careful of this accomplice. Maybe her texting you was yet another test by your girlfriend, Heck maybe the first test was the decoy and this is the real test lmao? Your GF sounds like the type to go through the mental gymnastics behind such a plan.

Tell her how you honestly feel, tell her you feel she doesn’t trust you and that she violated your relationship’s mutual trust with this stunt. If she dismisses your honest feelings then I guess you’re not compatible for one another.

OmnibusToken 18 1h51m

That’s really middle school. Go find a grownup to date. Jesus.

fatalcharm 16 4h55m

Holy crap. Get out of this relationship now. Next time you and her have an argument, she will probably download child porn on your computer then tip off the police.

This is manipulating and psychotic behaviour OP. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!

Also, don't fall for the friend telling you that you passing the test was attractive... It's another trap. Cut off contact with both women and block them for your own safety. The attractive friend went along with your gf's plan, after all. She is just as evil as your girlfriend. Stay away from them both.

This is batshit insane and you are going to get in major trouble, hurt or even killed if you continue to date this psycho. Get out now before you are too deep into the relationship.

doolinda 14 2h56m

Dump your gf, because this is insane. And don't get any ideas about dating the other girl because she is clearly just as nuts to participate in this. And her texts to you are likely another setup.


No trust, and I agree with other comments, that's really kind of crazy. I've had trust issues with guys I've dated before and never even considered hiring someone to trick seduce them? bahaha Let's put it this way, if it were the other way around and my partner hired someone to "seduce" me I would be super weirded out.

IIcarus578 12 1h55m

Not only is it hella weird, but it sounds like a lot she’s nothing but drama. Sorry man, but I think you know what to do.

[deleted] 12 2h21m


There are only two choices in this situation.

  1. give 'em the finger and ghost. -> for losers
  2. smile and ghost. -> for cool people

Really I see no need for further comments.

BloodDrainedDeer 11 1h58m

She's a nut. Get out before she injects a GPS tracking device into your neck while you sleep.

hhhhhhhh_aut 11 3h7m

I had a girlfriend like this about a year ago. I wasn’t able to hang out with any of my friends or even say hello to a female friend when I was with her without her getting extremely jealous and upset. I was never given a “test” like that, but it’s not a healthy situation and will just lead to endless stress if you choose to continue the relationship. My ex would always twist the situation to make me feel like I was in the wrong and I would end up emphasizing with her. The manipulation effectively made me blind to what was happening and I had no clue until I actually decided to seek counseling.

Now, my ex had borderline personality disorder. I don’t know your situation outside of this post (and I’m not trying to pretend like I do), but, for me, the jealousy and lack of trust led to a huge downward spiral that ruined a lot of my friendships and took a massive toll on my general confidence for a while. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Regardless, relationships need to be built on trust and if there is no trust then it’s not going to go very far.

Good luck, and stay strong man

momdestroyer69420 3 7h3m

Thank you for discussing borderline without completely bashing it. Yes, it's an awful disorder but the stigma behind it is honestly god awful and is not doing any good for the people suffering from it.

Saiomi 11 4h19m

Constantly thinking you're cheating is a huge red flag that your partner might be cheating on you. Have you turned her own questions on her?

bucchake 10 3h20m

Y I K E S.

Break up with her ASAP and change the locks. ‘Testing’ your SO is extremely manipulative and reeking of low self esteem.

Manic_Depressing 10 3h34m

Psychological projection is what you're dealing with. If you aren't smart enough to run far away from this girl, she will inevitably cheat on you, blame you for not being attentive enough, and absolutely destroy your emotional well-being.

Pack a bag and run, don't walk, to the nearest bus station at first opportunity. Godspeed, OP.

And for the love of God, don't stick your dick in crazy!

gogozrx 9 30m

there's a saying about where not to stick your dick.

azrehhelas 9 1h18m

Major red flag simple as that.

SladkiPickles 9 1h33m


Well that definitely sounds like a test within the test..... testception.

Jinxity 9 1h59m

You’re right to be annoyed. Your girlfriend violated your trust for the sake of her own insecurities. She was so concerned about making sure she could trust you that she totally ignored the fact that you need to trust her, too. You’re going to wonder in the future if she’s being real with your or just giving you another test. She also seems to think that the way to handle insecurities about cheating is to demand “proof”. This is a terrible habit because there can never be perfect proof that someone isn’t cheating, so she’ll always want more. She needs to work on her insecurities within herself, not ask you to pass stupid tests in order to prove that you’re faithful. She is not accountable for her own emotions. That’s not to say that couples shouldn’t talk about insecurities and jealousy - those should be discussed in a mature and rational way. She also doesn’t seem to understand that a relationship needs to be built on mutual respect. If she can’t understand why what she did was damaging to you two as a couple, she might not be mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.

[deleted] 9 2h42m

You know how Krishna disguises himself as a chariot driver to test Arjuna? Bro. This ain’t the Gita. Run away NOW

SLCIII 9 5h36m

Run. Away. Right. Now.

Like seriously, run.

skathe88 8 1h41m

I would bet money she is fucking around on you and projecting.

ACoolWizard 8 2h53m

Run fast, run far young man. Or prepare for one long-ass road full of "tests" and reassuring this idiot you're not the terrible person she thinks you are. Gonna go pick my jaw up off the floor now - what a fucking lunatic.

FaradayCageFight 8 5h7m

Ok, there is NO situation where relationship "testing" like this is NOT 100% emotional abuse. You're mad and annoyed by it because it's completely toxic and unhealthy. "I have trust issues" is abuser code for "I'm going to use this as an excuse to control your existence" and her accusing you of dismissing her feelings is a classic abuser tactic called DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender). This woman is being abusive to you. If she loves you,l and wants to be with you, she needs to get to therapy to fix herself. If she doesn't do that bare minimum, you are better off saying goodbye.

Also, I'm like 80% sure the other girl is continuing to test you at your girlfriend's request. It's a trap.

ghoulishgirl 8 5h25m


Or that is the test, part 2.

Davethekid 7 3h57m

OP you stuck your dick in crazy. It's okay you just need to fake your own death and join the French foreign legion.

TheDongerNeedsFood 7 4h33m

Get out, now. I can't even tell you how big a red flag this is, she is fucking insane.

SchwettyBawls 7 4h36m


I don't care how hot your girlfriend is, this is crazy and manipulative as fuck. This is a HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG.

If you don't run now, you deserve whatever other crazy horseshit she WILL eventually do to you.

TN1989 3 7h13m

%100 agree

fatboy-slim 7 4h57m

Run to the hills!

thejustice32 6 2h42m

You're fucking dumb if you stay with this person. You deserve everything coming to you if you do.

angiolli 6 3h24m

do you ever just.... see a red flag

RawWaterCritic 6 3h29m

Maybe the hot girl texting you after about how you deserve better is another test by your gf?

SnarkIsMyDefault 6 3h43m

the fact that she paid somebody to seduce you goes beyond mere jealously. She needs professional help.

PNWness 6 4h23m

This is CRAZYYYY. Women(people) that manipulate like this are a red flag. Don’t blame u for the irritation...

MGTOWtoday 6 4h28m

Break up with her. That kind of manipulation is dangerous.

ezgoericc 6 4h53m

Fucking run....also PLEASE post and update OP

pseudotumorgal 6 4h56m

This girl either gets into therapy immediately or you bounce. I’ve heard of some crazy girls, hell I was a crazy girl back in high school. This might take the cake man.. and this is only 6 months in? Man, I promise it’s just the tip of the iceberg of what she can and will do.

yilpim 5 1h29m

If you haven’t given her a reason to be jealous, her trust issues stem from her own insecurities, and are more telling of her as a person, than you.

Now, the choice of whether to leave or stay is entirely up to you and how much you can handle. I can tell you that you “passing this test” won’t keep her appeased for long and you should expect more of these outbursts. However, if you love her and see a future with her, it can be worked on with counseling and extremely open communication.

If you guys decide to work on it, don’t be afraid to be upfront about your boundaries and rules (i.e. no unfounded accusations) as she should be with hers (i.e. access to your phone). If you can’t mutually agree on something that you both feel fully comfortable with, as hard it seems, it may be time to move on.

Good luck OP!

RiojaC 5 1h34m

Are you sure this isnt another test? Maybe I'm just paranoid..

mntb_ 5 3h4m

That was veeeery manipulative. Going forward, it'll just get worse and her constant tests and insecurities will suck the life out of you. Do you want to be in a relationship in which you have to question every time a woman talks to you? Or having to explain to your gf all the time that you're not cheating or trying to cheat?

If you don't break up with her, at least suggest therapy for her, it might do her well.

bruisedgod 5 3h29m

Leave her. It'll only honestly get worse. One of my ex-boyfriends friends (now his ex) girlfriends was like this. It honestly drove him nuts. He couldn't even have a female uber driver, waitress, whatever. He just couldn't interact with females without the worry of her going crazy on him if she found out. He didn't even want me hanging out with him because he knew if his girlfriend found out I was there she would be mad. MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME WOULD BE THERE!! I've seen these kinds of partners and it's not healthy.
What she did wasn't okay! It's manipulative & abusive.
It's better to for you're mental health & hopefully she can get some help

[deleted] 5 3h39m

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Dude, this is a screaming red flag. Also, the “test” is obviously still on.

Run. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

jesterb00m 5 4h8m

Gonna bet you she's fucking around already.

This is her projecting haaaard

BaronJaster 5 4h16m

If this is fake, congratulations you have a teen comedy plot to pitch.

If it’s not fake, then I say you take the accomplice’s advice and dump this chick. If it’s another test, just deliberately fail it because this girl is insane and probably dangerous. Run. Run like the wind in the opposite direction and block her on absolutely everything.

RegularJ0E 5 4h26m

Not gonna waste your time. BIG RED FLAGS! Abort mission.

chloe2t 2 4h40m

Red flag, yes.

Advanced_Enthusiasm 5 4h38m

100% you should break up with her: this kind of behavior will only get worse with time.

Also, once you do, you should meet this other girl for a drink because — although she’s also a bit nuts for agreeing to your girlfriends plan — she sounds hot.

[deleted] 5 5h23m

Man I miss being in my 20s. Crazy times.

Seriously though, as a grown ass woman well beyond her 20's let me give you a piece of advice concerning your situation.


No really kid, get out while you can. This is not normal behaviour. It's how domestic abuse begins. Male, female or otherwise.

marriageqthrowaway1 4 13m

If you stay with this chick then just promise us you will keep us updated with all the crazy!! Otherwise dump the psycho.

pat6616 4 2h38m

Gtfo bro. If this is the way she handles an issue. Its unprofessional. I could see them laughing behind your back. Its not love. Its pure bullshit if you ask me

Gavroche15 4 2h46m

You passed the test. She failed it by trying to "test" you. That is so wrong on so many levels. I would be very tempted to dump her just for doing it.

As for the other gal? She was just a shitting for participating in the test, so don't do anything with her.

joshimax 4 3h3m

Massive red flag dude. If it were me I would be seriously considering if this will be a healthy relationship because it doesn’t sound like it.

[deleted] 4 3h45m


[deleted] 4 4h23m


capilot 4 4h31m

The twist is that the girl texted me last night and … said that I deserve better than my gf and suggested I should dump her.

It's entirely possible that this is another test. I suggest you flunk this one.

Excuse me, "flunk".

Hmmm, that gives me an idea for a screenplay for a rom-com. I'll give you 20% of the film's profits.

chewyylynn 4 5h19m

Buddy, coming from a female’s point of view right here;

This is truly psychotic. There is SOMETHING wrong here. Severely wrong. I have trust issues myself- with that being said every single relationship I ever had ended with them cheating because I was just “too nice and easy to take advantage of” and I have NEVER gone to this length to try and find my SO “cheating”.

Does she watch too many chick flicks? Or have other friends that would implant the “all men cheat” seed in her head? Because this is all too crazy to be connected to someone who was never cheated on.

You may like this person, but she is not relationship material... especially for you. I would get out and get out SOON because you’re going to be MISERABLE in the long run.

Also reading some of your replies and what not, she also sounds very manipulative. Especially when you mentioned when she says you dismiss her feelings? More like you’re trying to dismiss her for being a psycho.

There is more to her than this- trust me on this. I’ve seen people in your situation with my very eyes. It’s awful to watch the dude being abused (yes, you are being abused with all of her antics and her “tests”) because the girl has some hard on thinking she’s not good enough and is being cheated on.

aviolet 4 6h40m

Nobody’s vagina is beautiful enough to put up with this horseshit. The real kicker is—ready for this? Y’know how she doesn’t trust you? This is based on how SHE thinks and acts, not you. Because projections.

Source: I married a man who hid this for a handful of years—until 6 months into the marriage. In order to avoid conflict, here is an abbreviated list of things I had to do: 1. Trade male doctors for female ones 2. Not look at ANY male in public. I ended up looking at a lot of shoes, and trust me, I know how effed up this sounds but it was even worse to be in it. I am an independent, outspoken woman who prior to him, didn’t take shit off anyone. He terrified me, and used our child as means of making me comply. 3. If I glanced at any male, hours of arguing, sometimes days ensued 4. I could not walk down our quiet suburban street because it was “a meat market” and all of the men wanted me (what? not the women? bitches.) 5. Remove all males who were not direct relatives to me from Facebook, including friends’ husbands. 6. If we were in a group, any male friend (part of our group) I exchanged words with to was hitting on me, regardless of whether his gorgeous wife was smiling and laughing and part of our innocuous conversation.

Best part about this is that I’M BI. Which he knew. But only males were a threat to him.

RUN, DUDE. Run, or reduce your contact to one day a week and tell her she needs to see a therapist. But preferably, run. There’s no fixing this.

ladysuccubus 4 7h17m

It's not stupid, it's insane. You're girlfriend has serious mental issues that are not going away without tons of therapy. Leave, leave now. If this is how she is after 6 months, how much worse is she going to get after a year? 2 years? Break up with her and tell her that she needs to resolve her jealousy issues before considering dating again. Tell her exactly why you are breaking up with her. She needs the wake up call that this toxic and abusive behavior it's not ok.

WizardPI 4 8h45m
  1. Don't let strangers into your home like this for any reason. That could have turned out REALLY poorly for you.
  2. Dump her immediately. This is the type of psycho who will poke holes in fucking condoms and shit.


Come on man. Get your head out of your ass. You're acting goofy just because this is a pretty girl. This shit is obviously a part of your girlfriend's psycho bullshit.

Just. Dump. Her. And block this crazy fuck she got to come into a stranger's home to try to seduce her.

1nv1s1blek1d 4 10h37m

If what I have read is factual, she needs counseling. Regardless if she is or isn’t in your future plans. She clearly has developed trust issues prior to your involvement. You are both very young and the relationship itself is only six months old. This is the perfect time to start thinking if all of this is worth your time and energy. These habits of hers are not just going to disappear. These sorts of “tests”only escalate with time. She needs professional help to modify this kind of abusive behavior. You need to seriously ask yourself; Is this relationship really worth a long-term investment?

[deleted] 3 3h1m

You passed, she failed. Dump her ass and find someone a little more sane.

blinkingsandbeepings 3 3h9m

This is the plot of an opera. Do not do, or allow others to involve you in, shit that is the plot of an opera. Operettas may be okay, conditionally.

You are absolutely right to find this very insulting and demeaning, OP. I would be livid. But don’t expect things to pan out with the other girl, it might still be part of the trick.

KnowbodyYouKnow 2 4h12m

Actually, I see this as the perfect plot to a telenovela, more so than an opera. Heavy on the plot line, and light on the character development.

KevWill 3 3h53m

I don't believe any part of this story.

mgold215 3 4h14m

You know how sometimes guys call girls psychos as an insult when they’re just being overly dramatic, and the girl isn’t ACTUALLY a psycho?

This isn’t one of those cases. Your gf is fucking batshit and get out of that relationship before she kills you in your sleep.

tendosaurus_flex 3 4h23m

Obviously another test, don’t fall for it.

jollynecromancer 3 4h24m

How did the Attractive Stranger get your phone number?

Because your girlfriend gave it to her.

Scenegirl6 3 4h24m

I know everyone is saying she is crazy and to run, I don’t see crazy but deep emotional issues (I was that girl), I would sit down and talk to her and if that doesn’t work, have like an intervention with friends and family. Get her to understand this is not ok, you have to gain her trust when it comes to this, which can take years.

isolatedzebra 3 4h24m

It's a round 2 test bro.

[deleted] 3 4h26m

Girl that texted you saying you're attractive is probably another test. I wouldn't be so quick to hop on board with her either, and I wouldn't trust that she gives a flying fuck about you.

TinaKat7 3 4h32m


Fish--- 3 4h50m

This Paranoia in your GF will not improve, it's gonna get worse.

Take your legs and RUN

tinkspinkdildo 3 4h53m

I don't think your girlfriend's insecurities will go away by testing you. She is looking for outward validation when she really should be looking inside herself. It will be a constant battle to prove your loyalty to her, and that's not something you should have to do. Either you guys trust each other or you don't. Echoing some other comments, she might want to take a break from dating and figure out some stuff. Ain't nobody got time for those antics in a relationship. That's high school behavior.

Rattplats 3 4h54m

The fact that your girlfriend finds nothing wrong with this sort of highly manipulative behaviour, speaks worring volumes of her capacity for emotion, and possibly even of her empathy. I was inclined to blame her behaviour a bit on insecurity, but since you say she's never been cheated on, I don't think that is the (only) case or cause for her behaviour.

She even mentioned that she find you lacking in empathy. I'm moving into armchair psychology territory here, but I don't think it's a far reach that this behaviour on her side is a projection.

The girl texting you again is probably another set-up, which is mind-boggingly manipulative on your girlfriend's behalf.

If you truly wish to stay in this relationship and risk further overstepping of boundaries and deceptive behaviour, I'd demand her to start therapy, both with you and alone. She has issues that needs to be resolved. I do believe it is possible for most people to change, but if she is lacking in empathy due to a sociopathic disorder or similar to that, the hopes are slim.

As a last note, it is possible that she is the cheater. Just going to throw that out there. Just sometimes, people will accuse their SO of cheating when they themselves are the culprit.

fatalrendezvous 3 4h54m

This is way beyond red flag territory. This is a red fucking grenade.

Your girlfriend tried to manipulate you into cheating and is now essentially trying to gaslight you into believing that her actions are justified and you’re somehow the one in the wrong for feeling she’s being irrational.

I get that some people have trust issues, but this is way out of line in my opinion. Time to move on.

bthecrazybirdlady 3 4h55m


littlepanda1983 3 4h55m

It sounds she has deep insecurities. As much as you want to help her, you need to leave or you would slowly walk into eggshells around her and one day you would wake up and not recognise yourself anymore.

I wouldn't be with someone who doesn't trust or believe me a hundred percent of who I am, you deserve that too. Trust me, the no trusting will go into paranoia and the next thing you know she will be checking your phone and etc. She needs some sort of validation to make her feel good, like you sort of need to always prove to be loyal to her or the best to her, that's really really pressuring

ninjabiomech 3 4h56m

I belive extreme jealousy is a biiig red flag

serenapagliaro 3 4h56m

Dude, break up with her. I’m telling you from experience, this shit is gonna get worse. And on top of it all, why would you wanna date someone who is THAT jealous??? A little jealously is ok but being that jealous? Cut ties now

cotten516 3 4h59m

Run. Run fast and run far. Not trying to be funny. Get out now. It will only get worse.

BigLoko93 3 5h0m

Something similar happened to me when I was your age. She made the whole test thing, and I "passed" too -also found it stupid as hell-. End of the story? After four years, she was the one who cheated on me. This is not a stupid reason to end the relation. She will never change. If you stay with her, you will not notice, but you will end up losing good friends and opportunities.

Edit: think about this: does it have any sense, you trusting in someone who doesn't trust on you at all?

neonspandex 3 5h1m

Are you absolutely sure she's is 23-years-old?

KiryanHallaren 3 5h2m

Don't think about this one. Just run. Get as far away as you can. Ghost this woman. The sex may be good, but sticking your dick in crazy will always have bad consequences. GET OUT. RUN.

sdlynas 3 5h6m

I have some trust issues, but less so than I did in the past. She can change, but probably not any time soon. It took me a long to time to get better, I only get paranoid once a year maybe (?). I was cheated on in my first relationship and several after. It all depends on how in love with her you are. Are you willing to stick it out for possibly years? If so, then go with her to therapy maybe.

Aperture_TestSubject 3 5h34m


Don’t walk.

Fucking. Run.

KatagatCunt 3 5h37m

I am a woman that is very insecure and it has ruined relationships. I have to put trust in my partner or else it will never work...you need to RUN

weirdbunni-chan 3 5h45m

Um. Are you sure you want to deal with that long term? Trust is a really important aspect of a relationship. She testing you like that is really fucked up, just my two cents.

Also. That girl coming into your apartment was the perfect beginning of a porno. Lol.

Happy_Weirdo_Emma 3 6h7m

I had a neighbor who kept telling me her husband was a sex addict and a cheater. Said he had tons of women around before they got married. I had lived next door for over a year before that and once she came around she was the only woman I ever saw him with, and they got married pretty fast.

Then, when he was away for a couple weeks, she was contacted by an old crush. She kept saying, "Why should I stay with my husband? He's just going to cheat on me!" Old crush confessed deep love for her. She really wanted to get with him.

So she concocted this whole plan to use one of her hot female friend's photos and start messaging her husband flirty things as her to try to get him to cheat. Once she decided his responses indicated he would take the bait, she went out and slept with the other guy.

Then she decided THAT GUY was too clingy because he said he loved her and talked about buying a house for them. So she dumped him, and her husband took her back.

THEN she hooked up with her baby daddy, saying, "Why should I stay? He's just going to cheat again!"

That lasted about a week and then she was back next door. A week or two after that, I'm not sure what finally sealed the deal because I noped out of being her confidant at that point (we were never friends, I just watched her kids sometimes), she left and never came back.

It's been over a year now. Her ex husband still lives next door. He has had ONE woman over since she left, and it's been going for months, as far as I can tell. He doesn't seem like a cheater to me, and certainly not some depraved sex addict.

But she sure as hell was!

Psyk0Tripp 3 6h13m

Better watch out for holes in your condom or condom mysteriously breaking. Sounds like the kind of girl that will try and get knocked up on purpose to trap you.

rainbowesque1 3 6h13m

My boyfriend and I have an inside joke that we call the "Test" test. Basically, it goes: if I had pulled these bull shenanigans on him and then FaceTimed him informing him that he passed "The Test," his response would be to tell me that I just failed the "Test" test and break up with me immediately.

This isn't something "stupid", it is indicative of much bigger crazy pants behavior in the future. This isn't a red flag, it's a goddamned crimson banner.

clothednudist 3 6h28m


tatteddiamond 3 6h28m

Be realistic. I'm sorry friend but if there are 2 rules I live by they are 'begin how you want to finish' and 'NEVER continue a relationship on the idea they will change/ you can change them'. Compatibikity is dadly not nearly as rare/impossible as people think 9/10 if your halfway normal human being 6 months in an online dating and you can find someone. Yes I am sure she is lovely but that insecurity must run DEEP. I say this as a reasonably jealous/suspicious girlfriend, that is next level crazy and you need to run before she grows more attached. If she is already at the 'hire strangers to trick you' stage at 6 months, 1 year will be the 'I'll kill myself if you leave' and 'stalk you for 1 year and threaten all future gf's' stage. You do not want to live through those friend because that's how dudes end up on 'snapped'. Run.

foolish-rain 3 7h33m

Boring, practical advice. When you break up with gf, do so in a public place. Make sure you have an escape route. Change your door locks ahead of time. Check that all windows in your home lock. Keep a big, heavy duty police flashlight next to your bed. Phone charged, local police station on speed dial. Watch your back--this kind of crazy will not go quietly.

[deleted] 3 7h35m

Dump 'em both.

They both failed the human test.

Redshirt2386 3 7h36m

I haven’t read the other 4000 comments but I’m sure they are the same as mine: run, she’s craaaaaazzzzyyyyy.

knopflerlove 3 7h48m

Guilty dog barks first!

Bodod_Begag 3 7h58m

This isn't just a red flag, it's an entire color guard performance.

And I wouldn't meddle with the second girl, because she was on board for the "test" but then flipped super quick while talking to you, just seems like a very manipulative thing to do. If she:

A) was paid a substantial amount for this B) doesn't really know your soon to be ex GF that much and C) Isn't testing you as a test part 2

I would give it a good thunk, but just proceed with caution.

And I don't really think the test part 2 makes that much sense anyways, why would crazy GF pay someone to try to convince them to break up?

--BMO-- 3 8h4m

It’s only going to get worse man, trust me on this. I lost some of my best friends because they were female and my gf was jealous, I was around your age too.

We aren’t together now and it took me to long to realise all of those sacrifices were completely unreasonable and sadly for nothing.

That was 10 years ago (I’m 30 this year) but it’s still one of my biggest regrets, staying with her for as long as I did.

mulletprooftiger 3 8h4m

No. No. No.

How can you hug someone who thinks so little of you that they hire a test?

You were just gifted a great reason to get out of this. Friends and family 100% on your side.

She's crazy.

ForLotsOfSubs321 3 8h4m

I'm very skeptical about this post.

Op, if it's true: Leave

If its not: fuck you.

SirFriendlyFellow 3 8h4m

Get outta there!

ChubbaWubbaButt 3 8h5m

Ditch both of these fruit loops.

Id say more but honestly, what hasnt been said yet? I normally wouldnt comment on such an active post but im worried youll go for the friend. Big no. Capital NO.

A_slice_of_bacon 3 8h5m

Make like a tree and get the fuck outta there!

okayrightsickcool 3 8h7m

you may have passed the test but she definitely failed

9600_PONIES 3 8h8m

Hate to be the internet cliché, OP, but run. She isn't ready to be in a relationship and you are going to be hurt in the process.

StrayDogRun 3 8h8m

Thats abusive as fuck

SchrottiShady 3 8h9m

I would say dumb her. These people will never stop testing, who knows what comes next.

darkmoney99 3 8h15m

I have met these kinds of girls. Please be aware that you would be the constant test subject for the entire time you are in a relationship with her.

Today it was with a girl, tomorrow it might be a test to see if you care enough for her, when she is "sick". The next day it could be some other test.

To be honest, I would not want to be a "test subject" when I am in a secure and trusting relationship, but to each his own.

m11-c3-b1 3 8h18m

Coming from someone who dated a girl with severe trust issues and couldn’t handle the fact that I had very dear, close female friends from at least five years before I even MET the ex-gf - get out. Don’t waste your time. Suggest she gets help to resolve her trust issues, but it will only drain you because you will ALWAYS be wrong just for being nice to a waitress (for example).

Scamming you by leading a girl to do whatever your gf was “hoping” you’d “pass” is straight up messed up. Sounds like the girl that was paid was actually HOPING you would mess up and get into it with her.

I don’t see how that could be construed as a healthy relationship, and being 6 months in would tell me I have plenty of time to cut the cord and run far, far away.

If you don’t run far enough then she could very well end up in your doorstep when you’re getting into it with the attractive girl who probably wouldn’t have had to have been paid to be with you in the first place.

My $0.02.

analbumcover 3 8h20m

Manipulative, insecure, and immature. I wouldn't trust her.

DarthKava 3 8h20m

This problem the your GF has will never go away. Ever. It will get even worse if you get married and have kids. Dump her and move on with your life.

SexMachine69696969 3 8h24m

Leave your girlfriend. Tell her she failed the test.

Seriously, fuck this shit, dude. This is the biggest waste of time I've ever seen.

MadeForMilking 3 G 8h30m

The test won't stop.

They won't stop her insecurity.

She will only find more elaborate ways to test you as 'the last one was too easy/obvious.'

Your technology will be bugged, your life stalked, and your friends and family questioned.

She needs help, and it won't come from you understanding her POV. Find her therapy, and get out before she justifies a way to test you in a way that crosses not just your boundaries, but those of your career, friends, and family.

generalissimo_jones 3 8h45m



jakobscorner 3 10h40m

Personally I look at a relationship as a two way street... trust runs both ways. After six months of building up trust and she decides to do something like this? How do you still trust her? If she's willing to go this far to try and expose your nonexistent fickleness, how far do you think she is willing to go to hide her own secrets?

Drfilthymcnasty 3 10h41m

It sounds like your girlfriend is a cheater. Soo much projection. I wouldn’t trust her bro.

anomalousquirk 3 10h51m


kai288 3 11h6m

Run! Even if you’re by the pool.

radsam1991 3 11h21m

My husband (29m) and I (27f) have been together for 9 years married for 3. We have both seperate social lives and things we do together. One of my best friends is a straight guy who I met after my husband and me started dating. Sometime we hang out alone sometimes we hang out as a group but my huband has never had an issue with it because he trusts me. The same goes for my husband and his female friends. These games she is playing are immature and will get very old and they are certainly not normal/healthy. I think you deserve better and I think it is time to move on.

hooglabah 3 11h55m

So many red flags here. Ditch her and move on to someone not nuts.

Phiau 3 12h2m


cmurph666 3 12h2m

End it.

Mantraz 3 12h2m

R u n

MartyMcPunchman 3 12h21m

Leave. Leave leave leaveleaveleave.

At best, she will never trust you.

It’s likely she is projecting her own issues and will cheat on you.

You walk away from this ASAP, and don’t call the Bait Girl, she was complicit in this nonsense and likely has her own screws loose.

ACivilRogue 3 14h1m

Super late to the party but having dated a couple of women like that, she's not crazy but emotionally immature and that's not going to go away without a significant amount of self work. It may be best to cut and run now as this isn't something that just fades with age. People who are jealous like that are insecure to the point where it becomes blinding. However, be kind. The jealousy that's manifesting itself in her behavior towards you can be incredibly real and painful and was likely put there long ago by someone else.

You may want to share this article with her. It could help her to break the cycle.

BostonDisneyDuo 3 14h23m

Run. Far and fast.

jeez_leesa 3 14h25m

Nah fam. Be realistic. She got to go.

nobodygivesafknfuck 3 14h58m

Dude... enough said, do yourself the biggest favour and CUT. THE. CORD.

I hung out with girls like this throughout my teen years and please believe me when I say, RUN! Run and never look back because shit will not get better. She will not magically wake up one day and decide to be a regular human being. She is ONE OF THOSE GIRLS, your post here is SOLID fucking evidence of that!

Like, Ive heard of some possessive behaviour but this is RIGHT UP THERE man! I would not be surprised if she's had several stakeouts in the bushes by your house, spying on you with a pair of binoculars, while she calls and asks what your doing to make sure you aren't lying, because thats is what a former friend of mine did BEFORE she set up a full on sting operation quite similar to yours. Boyfriend passed the test as well, but that did not stop her from installing several random apps on his and her phones, where she could check all his activity etc, as well as have his facebook messenger secretly logged on her own ipad to spy on him, because she was SURE he was up to something. He soon realised that she was a little looney tunes and quickly showed her the door, and she then went on to repeat this with the next guy so on and so forth. VICIOUS CYCLE! You are young, you really do not need this kind of drama at such a peak age! Do what you like but obviously since youve turned to reddit with such a story, then you are fed up and need that final little nudge, well here it is! I wish you the best man, you sound like you need it. Good luck!

peanutro 3 15h1m

Get a restraining order. Thank me later, don't let her come close to you after you dump her. She'll do something stupid.

skeletonclock 3 15h3m


I feel like this is a second test

pupperine 3 15h4m

Dude run

zebraquick22888 3 15h7m

You spent too long typing this up. In that time you could have ended this. It’s all deceptive as crap. Not a basis for anything long term. Move on

Digiknives 2 2h27m

I think what she did was really gross and insensitive. Instead of trusting you and taking your word, she needed the confirmation of someone else to prove she was right. I'm honestly confused where her paranoia is coming from. But the fact of the matter is, she went behind your back, and practically sent out a spy. It sucks, but i think you should end this before it gets really nasty. Hopefully she can learn from the situation by seeing how her actions have consequences. And you can find someone who trusts in you and knows you better. :)

Ebb1974 2 2h41m

You are only 6 months into this relationship. You should just bail. She isn’t stable, and you can save yourself a lifetime of drama by cutting ties now.

WithoutInternet 2 2h44m

One big red flag

[deleted] 2 3h2m

Wow. Regardless of whether her behavior is from insecurity or being psycho... No relationship can last if one person can't trust the other. I once briefly dated a guy who couldn't handle me spending time with anyone else. It started with upset texts if I didn't reply quickly or check in often enough. Then escalated to him stalking me. He'd show up anytime I went out anywhere with friends. To make sure I wasn't lying and out cheating. It was super creepy. I tried to brush it off, but he wouldn't stop and got verbally aggressive if I told him to stop. I feared things would get worse and broke it off. He continued to stalk me for awhile. It was scary. People with such intense trust issues are truly not ready for a relationship. They're not sustainable. If she doesn't calm down and trust you, this has no chance of being anything but a waste of time for you both.

idxearo 2 3h10m

I don't think this is a stupid issue. Trust is built on time and confidence and she has not allowed either even after 6 months. She is basically demanding your trust but the catch is that she hasn't done anything for her to earn yours. You shouldn't have to play her games when you've given her no reason for her to distrust you. You are equally as deserving of trust as she is. She is basically just walking over you than taking responsiblity for her actions. Yes she can change, but why should she? If you see a change in her behavior immediately then I'm really happy for you. But if she is the same even tomorrow, then good luck to you.

Lambiri72177 2 3h14m

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. It’s blatantly obvious she does NOT trust you. This is fucking bizarre and you shouldn’t stay with this person.

aaronryder773 2 3h19m

Sorry bro. This is something definitely worth breaking up and it should be done asap. I also have trust issues I will admit but yeah this is taking too far. And not just a bit too far but a lot.

fwooby_pwow 2 3h27m

Dump her. She’s fucking crazy.

hskrfoos 2 3h28m

Yeah, I'd peace right out of that crap.

BCNBammer 2 3h30m

I feel like that text from the other girl telling you to dump your gf is the second part of the test.

paloumbo 2 3h33m

Look at it. The person she hired, tell you should walk away from your gf, internet strangers tell you the same.

Now read your post like if it was a stranger writing it. I mean seriously, read it. Imagine I written it.

Then, reply to me, and tell me what your advise for me would be.

Kirby_13 2 3h40m

She’s just throwing up red flags left and right.


bubblegummustard 2 3h44m

Its not something stupid. It's important. It would affect every aspect of a relationship. Consider it thoroughly.

HomemadeMacAndCheese 2 3h52m


This is not stupid, it's insane and you absolutely should let it ruin your relationship. Testing your significant other like this is all kinds of fucked up.

twinboost 2 3h57m

Run bro. Take the girls advice. This is a pretty big red flag. Sounds like she’s gonna turn out to be a bit psychotic. Don’t waste your youth.

ender_wiggin1988 2 4h5m


norkscat 2 4h27m

This is insane. Run and don't look back.

1994spaceodyssey 2 4h31m


[deleted] 2 4h48m

She's going to murder you someday

GOB_Bluth_is_Bae 2 4h48m

Wow. That’s some weird behavior. I wouldn’t stay with someone like that. It’s just disrespectful, manipulative and disloyal. I’m a woman and sometimes I’m insecure and trusting people is hard but fuck that, I would never do that. If I’m in a relationship, I’m trusting the other person, if not I don’t see why I would make us both loose our times. As everyone said...get out of there, you don’t need that kind of drama. It might get worse, are you willing to be played again? Also, questions, are you in actual relationship or it’s more like casual dating ? Not that it matters, but she didn’t act like someone in a relationship.

Would you accept that behavior from a friend if they made something to test your friendship? If not I think you have your answer.

SeeYouNextThurs 2 4h48m

At least you have a good excuse to dump her by saying she crossed the line with this “test.” It’s irreparable and not open for discussion. Run and don’t look back.

FrauEdwards 2 4h49m

She has a ton of growing up to do and it’s going to be a long wild journey.

eganist 15h16m

Hey, sorry to hear this. I think the advice you've gotten is pretty accurate so far.

Message me:

  1. to understand why this was locked, and

  2. prior to posting any updates.