Friday, December 30, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

So this blue marble's spin around the edge of the sun's gravity well has once again  brought us to the last FHB of the year. And what a solar circumvention it has been huh? The overlords started the year off on the defensive and things just went downhill from there. At one point it even got so bad it looked like they were going to have to go to work for a living, but at the last minute they got a reprieve.

Man, sucking your meager existence off the backs of innocent animals just gets harder and harder every year doesn't it? And it looks like this year isn't going to be any different.

You know, if you're an overlord, it's almost like the universe is trying to tell you something, which is surprising to us because we didn't think the universe used language like that.

Well, whatever. The point is, as we said, this is the last FHB of the year and we're in a reflective mood here in the marbled halls so we thought we'd take a little trip down nostalgia lane and look at some of the highs and lows in this last year of animal exploitation.

As previously mentioned, the year opened badly for the overlords, but leave it to chief spokesman Gary Guccione to offer a stiring defense of killing and injuring living beings for profit. Unfortunately his campaign was less than successful. As we said at the time:
Hmm...OK let's recap. Mr Guccione embarks on a full throated defense of his industry in several papers around the country. Result: Aside from the tracks that are about to go out of business anyway, state legislatures begin to move to outlaw the whole enterprise. This can't be going according to plan.
Well, never ones to dwell on the negative February bought us an example of the hope that springs eternal  in the hearts of the overlords--or would if they had hearts. Anyway, meet Phil Ruffin whose plan was to corner the market on abandoned greyhound race tracks.
 March saw another attempt--this time by Smauel R. Burdette-- to convince people who suffer from chronic empathy that even though greyhounds appear to all intents and purposes to be living breathing sentient creatures, they are really commodities, much like your toaster and it is only the simple minded, bleeding hearts that are confused. Mr. Burdette, using geometric logic, set out to prove that without greyhound racing "Feed stores, veterinarians, parts of the food processing industry, fast food restaurants and other segments of our economy would struggle to exist," or as we more succinctly summarized:
No greyhound racing means TOFU BURGERS BITCHEZ!!!(eleventy)!!
 April is the month the overlords gather in Abilene Kansas  to pat themselves on the back for making it through another year letting the dogs do all the work and take all the chances and thanks to our good friend whom we don't know, Mr. Dave Bergmeier, Senior Entertainment Editor for the Abilene Reflector Chronicle Observer Times Beacon Press Dispatch Post Review who covers these proceedings each year we had a ring side seat for the awards ceremony, although truth be told we thought the qualifications were a bit low. As we wrote at the time:
Herb 'Dutch' Koerner was recognized with the initial Lifetime Achievement Award and Gary Guccione, executive director of the NGA, said he was the perfect first choice. "After all, he did avoid prison," Guccione told the audience. "Not all of us can say that." He read several letters that had been used at to help reduce Koerner's sentence at his trial.
 May brought the ever delusional Gary Guccione back to FHB as he attempted to rebut a letter to the editor from well know animal rights wacko Caryn Wood. Mr. G opened with "The majority of states where greyhound racing is prohibited didn’t even have live racing when the bans were imposed," which seemed to us to be a bit of a faux pas, so we threw in our two cents:
 In June no less a national icon than the Wall Street Journal ran a story on unit racing and for a moment it looked like the overlords were finally going to get the national attention they craved. As we wrote at the time:
Well, the article didn't go quite that far, but still, its conclusion couldn't have done much to brighten the overlords' day:
Ouch. Well, in July the overlords found another champion who wasn't afaid to tell the truth the way he saw it, Mr. Jim Blanchard who, taking a page from the Gary Guccione book of logic and style set out to prove that making the mistreatment of greyhounds public was the worst thing the organizations who publicized greyhound abuse could do. As we summarized his point:
If those people trying to draw attention to the mistreatment and neglect greyhounds suffer on the track would just stop being so public about the mistreatment and neglect greyhounds suffer on the track, then maybe they could get some credibility. you know like Anthony Fowler.
 In August it looked as if the overlords' future was brightening as they found someone stupid mean someone with a love of mean someone with more money than brains who was willing to invest. A Mr. Eddie Lyons by name. There were, as we wrote at the time, some...ah...issues though. First of all, Eddie Lyons is a mobster and second, his strategy for winning is somewhat unorthodox. As we commented:
OK wait a minute. The guy is spending money to train dogs that can't race in the hopes that he will be able to breed them someday because people will be looking for racing dogs that come from a line of dogs that can't race, is that it?

That seems to be it.

Perfect! You couldn't find a person more suited to invest in greyhound racing if you built them from the ground up.
 September bought to light yet more drugging scandals involving overlords Eric Butler and Alfred Vella. It also highlighted why you should pay attention in chemistry class if you're planning on making a career of cheating with drugs. As we commented at the time:
Hmm...well in his defense we have to say that Alfred was apparently paying more attention in chemistry class than Eric was. We mean, caffeine? Yeah, we get that, but theobromine? Dude, that's chocolate! Now, chocolate might make some people run faster, but dogs? Ah...not so much. See, that's why the lure is a fake rabbit and not a snickers bar.
 In October we took a step away  from our usual fare and told you the story of a group of college kids at Bergen Community College in New Jersey and their yearly Greyhound Adoption Day. As we said at the time:
Who says all college students do is smoke dope and listen to the rock and roll? Oh wait, that was us. We have no idea what college kids do today. Well, except for these college kids who appear to have decided to make a difference.

The event ties back into the school, with English as a second language students producing reports about greyhounds and the school's graphic designers creating T-shirts that are sold with proceeds benefiting GFNJ.  Ha! Making a difference and getting credit for it. Are these kids smart, or what?
 November brought us back to the issue of overlords and chemistry in the person of one Dan Francati, general manager of the Kennel Club and Poker Room who, it seems, in a fit of economy was spraying a termite pesticide on the dogs. As Mr. Francati explained:
 The chapter used a solution of equal parts Termidor, alcohol and water on the coats of the club's dogs as a flea and tick repellent. "Look, the kennels are infested with termites and the dogs are infested with fleas and ticks."
 Well said, Mr. Francati. His ultimate defense was equally impressive:
"Hey. What do you want from me?" Francati said. "It took me three years to get out of tenth grade fer chrissakes. Does that sound like chemistry major material to you?"
 Which brings us back to the present and our rapidly closing year. Just one task remaining. You ready for your closeup KB?

This laid-back handsome boy is very curious about everything that is going on. You know for sure that he is excited or happy when his right ear sticks up and tips back. KB’s is friendly and will come up and lean on his foster parents as well as the other dogs. While looking for attention, he will put his nose in your face. This boy loves food! If someone is in the kitchen, he will follow in the hope of getting some tasty morsels. Would do fine as an only dog in a working family. Would do fine in a home with children over 10. He has not had any exposure to younger children but would probably be fine depending on their maturity level. Does fine in crate. For more information about these dogs, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

 Eds. Note: As this is the last hound we are going to feature in 2011, we remind you of an Ironicus Maximus tradition because we're still sober enough to remember it ourselves. In this tradition we take the last skinny dog of the year and follow him from kennel to kouch. See how we played with the letter K? That's more subtle Ironicus Maximus humor right there. Funny too. Did you know K is the funniest letter in the alphabet?

Trust us. We know about these things.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Day That Will Live In Calumny



Tuesday, December 27, 2011

On The Bright Side, At Least They Decided To Drive, Not Fly

We see the Mitt Romney dog story is bubbling up again probably because reporters are running out of questions for him to answer every possible way, so we thought since it's sort of a down time between the recently concluded war on Christmas and the impending new year we'd rerun a post from 2007 in which we first remarked on the Mittbot's love for his canine companion. Remember if you haven't read it, it's new to you and we have to get down to the local adult beverage emporium anyway. So without further ado we present Mitt Romney, Dog Lover:

Regular readers of this blog probably need more to that here in the marbled halls of IM Central we are big fans of canis familiaris. Specifically, the companion of gods and goddesses, but in truth, we're equal opportunity ear scratchers. So you might imagine our reaction whilst perusing yet another "in depth" press release about presidential candidates, in this case Mitt (tell me what you want to hear) Romney, we ran across this:

See, this is why we drink. People who are this clueless about living beings who are not them should not be allowed out without adult supervision. And by adult supervision we mean anyone capable of tying their own shoes.

Well, as you might imagine, Mitt's excellent adventure didn't turn out so well:

First of all, who names their kid Tagg? What are the other kids' names? Dodgeball and Hopscotch? Whatever. OK, so here's the Romney clan, merrily motoring down the highway with a dog strapped to the roof of the car so traumatized he has lost control of his bowels. Now, you would think that diarrhea might be a clue for Mr. Mitt that he may have misread the situation vis-a-vis canine travel arrangements. Alas, no, but our humble scribe now steps in to provide the verbiage that explains this little foray into the Mittster's character:


"Emotion-free crisis management." In other words, the guy has all the compassion of a box of rocks. But that's not the scary part.

Starting with probably a criminal lack of common sense, Mitty concocted this plan to lash the family pet to the outside of the car, alone, where the noise of the wind, and traffic could proceed to practically scare him to death. Then, faced with he fact that his plan was not proceeding according to his original intent, what did he do? Hosed the dog off, threw him back in the crate and headed off down the highway with a song in his heart and buzzing in his head. In other words, when faced with the need to go to plan B, he chose to stay the course.

Sound familiar?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Well, here we are at the eve of Christmas eve and we here in the marbled halls of IM Central are full of the spirit of the season. In fact we're pretty sure Stolichnaya means merry Christmas in Russian. On second thought since Russia is a heathen nation it probably means something godless like happy holidays, but no matter, we're full of something and feeling rather magnanimous as a result. At least we think that feeling is magnanimosity. Could be the bloody Mary's we had for breakfast talking.

Whatever. The point is that we're even feeling seasonally adjusted when it comes to the overlords and so we thought we'd provide a little video proof of their claim that the units...erm...the dogs always receive the best of care. Sort of a Christmas present to them, Ironicus style. So herewith and without further ado is a little snippet demonstrating how much greyhound pups enjoy their initiation into the exciting world of animal exploitation---tattooing.

Now, to the untrained eye it might appear that our little initiate isn't enjoying the ceremony by which he quits his life as a living creature and becomes a commodity, but that's just because somebody told you "the canine and human anatomy is so similar, that most human medicine has been developed using laboratory testing on dogs. Conversely, veterinarians routinely use human medications (labeled and dosed for animals) on their canine patients," and you think tattooing hurts because you know it would hurt you..

Ha! It's obvious you don't know much about preparing the units for market...uh...we mean training highly prized canine athletes because, as Ms. TheFastdogmom points out in the comments, Circumcision Biotch!!  In fact, as Ms. TheFastdogmom points out, many greyhounds don't even yelp. (for the record, at our uh...event analogous to ear tattooing according to TheFastdogmom--we yelped, with a capital YELP!)

Sp we're assuming that on the filming day only a sissy greyhound was available and the camera had to get back to Uncle Bill's before he realized it was gone, so what are you going to do?

So, to wrap up, getting your wanger whacked, getting an ear tattoo, potato, potahto, right Devie?

 Devie is a 10 year old girl who did her racing at the Dairyland track in Wisconsin before it closed. She has recently been returned because her owners could no longer care for her. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

We Want You To Come Home, But You May Have To Come In The Back Door

OK, so we're plunked down in front of the 60" plasma, watching Scott Pelley tell us that even though they'd showed a video of an Australian Navy exercise instead of the North Korean torpedo attack on a South Koren ship (we totally understand. Happens to us all the time) they all work very hard around CBS to ensure accuracy--well except for the guy who's supposed to recognize flags--oh, and when they report about the Occupy movement, or the World Cup, or...well you get the point. Anyway when Scotty got done with his soliloquy on precision they went to commercial and  what should drift across our screen but:

Now, frequent reader(s) of this blog will recall that the two greatest lies parents tell their children are there is a Santa Claus and hard work pays mean will recall that your humble scribes here in the marbled halls of IM Central are refugees from the church catholic and thus the primary target of the above plaintive request.

You kind of know where this is going, don't you?  OK, let's go to the video tape:

The thing opens like a trailer for the next Schwarzenegger movie: "Coming In December...A National Television Event..." The only thing missing is the voice over "TERROR HAS A NEW FACE AND HE'S LOOKING AT YOU!!! COMING IN DECEMBER...THE POPINATOR...THIS TIME IT'S BIBLICAL..."

Cut to soft focus shots of some Mexican folks in native costumes just having a grand old time being catholic, some Africans standing around what looks like a movie set watching a priest, and some guy feeding Asian kids out of the back of a truck.Take away here: Catholics are allowed to dance (subtext: Baptists are lame) Africa is actually in doors, and Asian parents are lazy because they make their kids go get the free food.

Then comes a scene in a catholic hospital which apparently doesn't treat Jews because while the nuns are in the background helping someone who appears to be Wilford Brimley, a sickly looking Hasidic fellow shuffles out unnoticed.

Next up is a shot of a couple of Hispanic looking newlyweds in front of some Spanish cathedral architecture and we're told the church likes to bless marriages, well, some marriages anyway. After that we're whisked to a school with a very Aryan looking  teacher (female) in front of a decidedly multi-hued group of students--most of whom appear to be drugged. We're thinking this is not one of the catholic schools in Ireland.

Then the big finish wherein we're told the catholic church was started by Jesus himself (subtext: suck on it protestants) and even though there are a billion of us, we're just like one big family (shot of a priest greeting a family back to church with a quick shaking of dad's hand, then fondly putting his arm around a small child who apparently doesn't realize how much danger she's in).

Finally the obligatory web site and...we're out. So, since the Stoli still hadn't reached optimum temperature yet we decided to visit said web site where we were greeted by Tom Peterson, former advertising executive and founder of Catholics Come Home. It's not clear whether old Tom came home himself, or never left, but anyway, in a rather studied, sort of avuncular manner he wants one and all to know they're welcome back, even if they've never been catholics, which seems to create a philosophical dilemma in that one wonders how one can return to a place one has never been? Well, the church always was better at do as I say, not as I do than doctrinal consistency.

The basic takeaway here seems to be that if you're ethnic (crazy dancing Mexicans, African tribals, or jungle dwelling Asians) we want you, but don't forget it's white folks (priests, nuns and teachers) who run the place.

So, to recap: Let's take Hispanics, Blacks and Asians, put them all in stereotypical situations, show them being ministered to by white people and use that to let the world know we're the new and improved catholic church. On the bright side, you could argue that racism is an improvement over pedophilia.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011





Monday, December 19, 2011

I Am The Lord Thy God, And I Approve This Message


Also, too, he speaks for god and whatnot.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Last week we told you about the efforts of the overlords in Kansas to bring the exciting, thrilling, action-packed, electrifying, exploitation of innocent animals for profit back to the sunflower state, we guess because it's doing so well in Florida.

Key to the overlords' strategy was convincing the good people of the state that subsidizing the senseless suffering and meaningless deaths of perfectly healthy greyhounds was a viable activity which would accrue benefits to the larger population and not just a way for a few soulless losers to avoid working for a living. Now, since the aforementioned soulless losers had already been told to get a job the last time they asked for the opportunity to exchange the lives of helpless greyhounds for their trailer payments, the first step in the plan was to get the Legislature to revisit the issue that voters had turned down in 2007. So, overlord fellows, how's that working out for you?
Gov. Sam Brownback expressed doubt Thursday state lawmakers had time to devote political energy to an advisory vote in Sedgwick County testing interest in placing slot machines at a dog racetrack.
OK, we're not political scientists or anything, but that doesn't sound good.
"I don't want to address the gaming issue in this next session," Brownback said in an interview. "Start addressing gaming in the Legislature and it sucks all the oxygen out of the place."
 We hope the governor is speaking metaphorically there, or it seems the overlords have the same effect on legislators as they have on their canine charges, namely painful suffering and early death.
Tracy Wildey, vice president of the Kansas Greyhound Association, said Wichita Wins would attempt to secure petition signatures of 5,000 people who believe the outcome of the first vote was tainted by a confusing ballot question and think a second public vote on the topic is warranted.
 So, Mr. Wildey is going to attempt to find 5,000 people who think greyhound racing is something sentient beings should engage in and who are literate enough to sign their own names? Good luck with that, dude.
Horse and dog racing throughout the state has suffered as track operators closed rather than install slots under a Kansas law requiring operators to surrender 40 percent of slot revenue to the state. Track investors want the state to surrender a portion of their share to improve track profits.
 Um...we're not financial wizards or anything, but when investors tell you they're going to need you to give them more money to "improve profits" before they even begin, that's like a red flag or something, right Boss?


Thursday, December 15, 2011

America! Motto: We Coulda Been A Contender

We live in a country where, because of this:
Things like this happen:
Banks stand to lose millions of dollars in debt repayments if the biggest municipal bankruptcy in American history is allowed to proceed. But the real victims of the financial collapse in the US state of Alabama's most populous county are its poorest residents - forced to bathe in bottled water and use portable toilets after being cut off from the mains supply. And there is widespread anger in Jefferson County that swingeing sewerage rate hikes could have been avoided but for the greed, corruption and incompetence of local politicians, government officials and Wall Street financiers. Mrs Lucas's monthly sewerage rate bills - the amount levied by the county to flush away waste and provide water for baths and showers - has quadrupled in the past 15 years. She says it is currently running at $150 (£97) a month, which leaves little left out of her $600 social security cheque for food and electricity.
And where, what is supposedly the party that is for the people, the democratic party, does this
Senate Democrats are now considering dropping their demand that a payroll tax holiday for workers be offset by imposing a small surtax on millionaires, according to Democratic aides...
And when the party that's supposed to be for the people doesn't respond to what most of the people want, this is our electoral alternative at the moment: 

So here's our question: Why bother? You vote for democrats and you get republicans. You vote for republicans and you get republicans.

And here's another question: Why is the story about Tammy Lucas and the rest of the folks in Alabama who have had the invisible hand of the free market turn off their water supply only being reported in the foreign press?

Also, too.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Hey did you hear? The economy's getting better. Well, except for the part that isn't. OK, the point is, if there's even a glimmer of hope that America isn't about to become a dystopian desertscape of ruined cities full of marauding packs of  feral children abandoned to a Lord of the Flies existence when all the adults were killed off in the last great resource war the overlords figure people will want to renew their commitment to watching innocent animals suffer needless injury and die painful meaningless deaths because...entertainment! Right Tracy Wildey?
"Well, obviously it's at Wichita Greyhound Park and Phil Ruffin is the owner of the greyhound park," says Wildey. "So he is the one that would put the money out." The money would be an investment of $100 Million. So, with an investor in place, the "grassroots" group called WichitWins wants to get slots at the dog track back into the hands of voters. Voters said no in 2007.
 Can't argue with that logic Mr. Wildey. It says Greyhound Park right up there on the sign, so greyhounds it is. Well, and slots which is, of course, implied by the greyhound sign, so it's not like you're changing anything, you know, logical wise and all that. That whole voters said no thing seems to be a bit of a hiccup though, don't you think?
"We believe voters were very distinct in not wanting a casino in Sedgwick County," explains Wildey. "However we don't believe that the track question on electronic games at the race track was clear. That question lost by less than 250 votes so our answer is: We would like more of a clear vote on that."
Understandable, understandable. After all, the folks in  Sedgwick County said "no" to you in 2007, but that could be misconstrued as indicating they meant "no." Definitely needs to be cleared up. Hey, who knows how many of those 250 folks have died or moved away, right?
"The complex would feature wagering on greyhound dog racing, slot machine gaming and other amenities," explains Wildey. "It would create 500 new jobs and produce new tax revenue for the state of Kansas."
Hmm...that sounds a little rosy. You must not be using the Florida model as your predictive basis.
"Greyhound racing is a dying industry. Since 2004, tax revenue from live dog racing has declined by 72 percent and paid attendance dropped 69 percent."
 Darn. If only that sign didn't say Greyhound Park they might be able to come up with something that might actually make a little money, huh Tipsy?

Tipsy is very playful and snuggly. He has a lot of energy for a senior dog. He is friendly and affectionate—he will look for people if they’ve left the room. He will approach to have his ears scratched. He smiles when it is supper time. Tipsy would do well in a working family home with older, well-mannered children, 10 and up. He is good with other dogs of all sizes and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Welcome to America, Inc.

Frequent reader(s) of this blog know dreams don't die, they simply get misplaced as disappointments pile up around mean know that we hale from the Volunteer state and even though we came north years ago, still like to look back in fondness on the old sod. Well, usually we're just making fun of the bubbas in their attempts recapture the magic of the 19th century but, giving credit where credit is due, we suddenly realized after running across this that Tennessee is on the cutting edge of the creation of the new America.
See, now in the old, antiquated America folks--or as those political scholars in the Tea Party like to call them--the We The People got together to decide on things that were good for the whole community--like say a fire department--then as a community they would contribute to the maintenance of  those "common goods" through the collection of taxes.

Shoot.  Where's the profit in that?
 Oh you don't have to convince us Mayor Crocker, we mean, what's the point of having a government at all if it's going to be off doing things like putting out fires, maintaining the roads, police, schools and on and on. Cripes, you think the Founding Fathers created executive, legal and legislative institutions to ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessing of liberty to ourselves and our posterity? That's crazy talk, man!
Now, some may ask why the firemen showed up in the first place if they never intended to put out the fire. Well, that's obvious isn't it? If you had a chance to drive a firetruck around town with lights and sirens, wouldn't you do it in a heartbeat? Plus when you get to the fire you don't have to do anything. Win win!
The South Fulton policy produced precisely the same nightmare scenario last year, when homeowner Gene Cranick--who had likewise failed to pay the $75 annual fee for rural Obion County residents--saw his house engulfed by flames as South Fulton firefighters watched close by.
 Well, all we can say is some people never learn.
That incident sparked a debate among conservative pundits over the limits of fee-for-service approaches to government.
Debate huh? That's odd. We would think conservatives would be behind this sort of thing. Self reliance, small government, get out of the way of the free market and all that. Let's ask one of the debaters to clarify. Kevin Williamson, would you indulge us?
Right on Mr. Williamson. Andrew Jackson couldn't have said it better, or maybe that was Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah, it was Teddy Roosevelt. It's like you're channeling him, Mr. Williamson.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

In Which Tony Perkins Produces An Outcome He Didn't Intend

We're coming to you today from the Department of Theology here in the marbled halls of IM Central. The Department of Theology is located in the Center for the Co-opting of Religion to Suit Your Biases which is part of the College of Thank God Jesus Can't Speak For Himself.

While slooshing the inter toobz this morning we ran across this:

Jesus was a free marketer, not an Occupier

written by well known theologian and leading explainer of "What Jesus Really Meant To Say" Tony Perkins whom-we hasten to point out-is not a bigot according to Bill Donahue, a man who has more experience with bigotry than almost anyone else in the country. We mention this because one of the measures of one's gravitas in the field is the stature of those who vouch for him.

OK, so Perkins explains that Jesus was not an occupier, which would probably explain why he got so upset with the money lenders occupying the temple. Pretty straightforward, except that since the SEC hadn't been invented yet we have to assume the money lenders were in there lending money at totally free market rates, so we have a bit of a conundrum, or as Mr. Perkins might say, something I'll make up stuff about later.
Unfortunately Paul missed that meeting.
But we have to assume he did get the memo:
Well, it seems we have another conundrum on our hands, but since Mr. Perkins is much more intelligent than Paul was, having graduated from Liberty University with a BS (no pun intended) he knows which of Christ's positions is the right one.
Oh Jesus you scamp! Always with the parables. Now, we're tempted (Get it? Tempted. Because we're writing about  religious matters and such. This blog has layers, man, layers!) So we're tempted to say Mr. Perkins is about to tell us Jesus would be for the Occupy movement because he uses the word occupy in his story, but for a guy so close to Jesus he gets a bad taste in his mouth every time the J mans burps, we figure there's got to be more to the story.
Right. Which is why Jesus owned a Subway franchise in Judea.
Wait. So now you're saying Jesus would support the people in the occupy movement who are investing their lives in bringing about economic justice and leaving a legacy of equality and fairness?
Really? We're supposed to take the point of the parable symbolically, but the topic literally?  Man! This bible study stuff is confusing. Can we go back to when we just had conundrums?
The third servant in the story had apparently either slept through his economics course or was just indifferent to the work delegated to him. He had essentially kept the capital entrusted to him under his mattress for safekeeping. The employee review is immediate and intense: "Out of your own mouth will I judge you, you wicked servant." The king's disappointment and frustration are nearly palpable. "Why didn't you at least put the money in the bank and draw interest?" the king inquires. While such language might prompt an HR complaint today, its meaning was quite clear to the disciples. There are no excuses for doing nothing.
"There are no excuses for doing nothing." So the big J would have been out there in Zicotti Park. Whew! Thanks for clearing that up Mr. P.
Gotcha!  And as long as there are abuses, we need to be out there doing something about them. No excuses for doing nothing and all that. You know, you could have just said the in the first place.

Friday, December 02, 2011

Friday Hound Blogging

Well we're officially into the War on Christmas season now and we here in the marbled halls of IM Central want to say that we are full of the spirit of the year. No, not that spirit, that spirit. OK the other spirit too, but that's not our point. What we mean to say is that in keeping with the zeit of the geist we are all about peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Ah, we're more than happy to display some goodwill towards women too, but Mrs. IM keeps us on a pretty short leash in that area.

Now, frequent reader(s) of this blog know that happiness is the drape covering the window of mean know that on FHB days we generally take the overlords to task for purporting to have souls while acting in ways that would make them unwelcome in a neighborhood of scorpions. Not this week. This week in honor of the season we bring you a story of overlord commitment, selflessness and love for their furry charges.
Eleven Greyhounds are in need of new homes, all of them found abandoned outside of a 7-11 in Wichita Falls.
"Abandoned?" Come on. Typical journalistic hyperbole. Always trying to sensationalize the story, huh? We'd bet there's a perfectly legitimate explanation.
"The trailer they were being carried in, a dog trailer had a flat tire and the person had left it there," says Katrena Mitchell, the Animal Services Administrator of the Wichita Falls Animal Service Center.
Ha! What'd we tell you? Flat tire. Perfectly common occurrence. Happens every day. Where's your "abandoned" now Ms. gin up controversy where there is none reporter person? Huh? What do you have to say for yourself?
It was about 36-40 hours before the dogs were discovered when the trailer was being impounded.
There. See? This would be a non-story if you hadn't been lurking around like a buzzard waiting to pounce on the situation and make something out of...uh...out of...did you say 36 to 40 hours? That can't be right. You're making that up. We know, let's hear from the owner. It's just a little bit strange don't you think, that all this drama is being whipped up and no one has let the poor owner have a say. Afraid that will ruin your little controversy, Ms. who cares about the facts reporter person?
"The information that we could gather from the trailer, that the tags came back to an owner or anything, was all a dead end,"Mitchell says.
Oh sure, take the easy way out. Have you considered  the CIA? Have you considered Al Qaeda? ALIENS? A person doesn't just disappear and leave their dogs in a parking lot. These dogs represent years of effort in training, care not to mention money. They're professional athletes for crying out loud. Would you expect to find a bus load of NFL players abandoned in a parking lot by the team owner? Foul play is at work here Ms. ignore the obvious reporter person. Or maybe you want to ignore the facts. Maybe you know exactly what happened to this hapless overlord, but your corporate masters won't let you tell.

There's a conspiracy afoot here Butternut. X Files stuff we're sure.

Butternut is a bouncy, friendly, and very sociable girl who enjoys meeting and hanging out with people and other dogs.  She loves to go for a good walk and also race around in the yard. She will play ball with herself, pouncing on it and picking it up in her mouth. Then she settles in for a good nap. Butternut does fine with other dogs but would probably also be fine as an only dog. She does not like to be crated so would do best in either a non-working home or in a home where she can have free range of the house or be confined a one room with a gate. She would do well in a home with well-behaved children. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, December 01, 2011


Frequent reader(s) of this blog know increased expectations is the reef that sinks the ship of effort when it ventures from the waters of mediocrity...erm...we mean know that occasionally we like to trot our little heathen heinnies over to the holy side of the inter toobz and see what the community of the saved is up to.
A vote to bar interracial couples from a small church in eastern Kentucky has triggered hand-wringing and embarrassment.
Well, as long as the hands being wrung belong to the same race we should be OK, but here's our question: Since when do churches get to vote on stuff? Admittedly, we haven't been paying a lot of attention lately, but god never struck us as a participatory management kind of guy, you know? 
Nine members of Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church backed their former pastor, with six opposed, in Sunday's vote to bar interracial couples from church membership and worship activities. Funerals were excluded.
Funerals exempted huh? Well, that makes sense we guess. After all, if you're part of an interracial couple and one of you dies, you're not interracial anymore. Problem solved, welcome back to the brotherhood. By the way, god loves you again.
The vote was taken after most of the 40 people who attended Sunday services had left the church in Pike County, near the border with West Virginia. Many members left to avoid the vote.
Well, of course they left. The last thing god wants you to do is stand up for your beliefs. Just ask those know...the  guys, you know...oh heck, what were they called? Martyrs, yeah, the martyrs, you know, those guys.
At services earlier this year, Stella Harville, 24, who is working on her master's degree in optical engineering, sang "I Surrender All" with her fiance, Ticha Chikuni, 29, a Zimbabwe native, according to her father. Chikuni, an employee at Georgetown College in Kentucky, played the piano.
Hey, who wouldn't be upset at a couple of college hippies taking over the bandstand. Probably played that rock and roll after they smoked some of the marijuana too.
"There didn't appear to be any problem," said longtime church official Dean Harville said on Wednesday. "None whatsoever." But Harville said pastor Melvin Thompson told him the couple would not be allowed to sing at the church again. Thompson resigned in August but would not drop the issue.
Um...if Pastor Melvin resigned, why does anyone give a corn fart what he thinks?
Thompson told a local radio outlet, "I do not believe in interracial marriages, and I do not believe this (ban) will give our church a black eye at all."
Oops. Pardon us there padre. We didn't realize that religion was all about what you believed. That whole bible and ten commandments guide for living thing must have confused us there for a minute. Oh, and the black eye thing? Shouldn't be a problem if you ignore all the people who stop by to point and laugh.

*Who Would Jesus Dump