Recently we learned that, since Obama has finished cramming gay marriage into America's throat, he's going to cram transgender people into the military, even though they're already there and have been since forever. And this is posing quite a pickle of a conundrum for this one imaginary 10-year-old buddy of Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Snowballs). Which pisser will all those transgender people use?

Sen. Jim Inhofe, a senior member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, opposes the plan announced last week by the Pentagon to allow transgender troops to serve in the military, saying “it wouldn’t work.”

Asked to explain his opposition, the socially conservative Oklahoma Republican told POLITICO: “I had a 10-year-old — not my son, but a friend of mine’s grandson — say, ‘All right, which bathroom would they use?’”

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Oh right. Your "friend" has a "grandson" who is "ten years old" and the child is "so concerned" about Obama lifting the ban on open service for trans people that he's asking Sen. Inhofe all these burning questions. How are babbies formed? Was Jesus really a white man? Where do transgender people do #1 and #2?

Unless Inhofe's friend is Michelle Duggar's dad, and the grandson is one of the eleventy-thousand Duggar children, we're just going to assume Inhofe made this up because he's made of the literal shit of a thousand global warming-denying bulls.

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But here are some suggestions:

1. Jim Inhofe's leg. All the trans troops, when they have to pee, could raise their hands and say "may I be excused from military and go pee on Jim Inhofe's leg?" And their commanders would be like "LOL YUP, be back soon!"

2. The latrine or other military pottying facility that corresponds with the gender they identify with.

3. A tree.

4. In the ocean, but make sure they clear all the sharks out of the water first!

5. Nah, let's just stick with Inhofe's leg because fuck him.

Can't wait for the next question the senator's imaginary friend comes up with!




Evan Hurst


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