Women’s Lib! or #76, Miss Teen Sweet Valley


Liz and her fucking matching barettes.



How do the ghostwriters sleep at night?








Other thoughts:



20 thoughts on “Women’s Lib! or #76, Miss Teen Sweet Valley

  1. EnidRollins says:

    Wow, Liz, way to stand up for your beliefs. Not even I’ve done that. And it’s OMG sooo great to have a sister who’s your perfect size..so she can cheat and lie for you. Someone took out the spine Liz put in after 74 books. Oy!

  2. Merrie says:

    Maybe it’s because I just read the recap of Sweet Valley Twins Book. No. 2 over at 1bruce1, but the modern dance guy totally remind me of the twins’ ballet teacher, where Jessica was the better dancer but Madame whatever liked Elizabeth more, but realizes her mistake at the end and proclaims Jessica is ‘born to dance.”

  3. Jessa Fields says:

    Any person wishing to have an event in the school auditorium needs permision from the superintendent, who has been out of town “visiting the Soviet Union meeing with Soviet educators.”

    According to Amazon, this book was published in October 1991. In December 1991, the Soviet Union was dissolved. I’m sensing an interesting backstory…

  4. ihatewheat says:

    Merrie: TOTALLY! I hate how Jessica is THAT GOOD that people have to lie to her about it, because if her talent were unleashed it would be dangerous.

    Jessa: I feel like there is a conspiracy: the SVH superintendent is RESPONSIBLE for the demise of the Soviet Union.

  5. Gretchen says:

    Wow, Liz, way to really exemplify how much you believe in your feminist principles.

    Also – it makes perfect sense that the superintendent of Sweet Valley schools would meet with Soviet educators. They wouldn’t meet with, you know, the Secretary of Education or even the Deputy Secretary. Nope. Sweet Valley’s got it all figured out (obviously, what with the assemblies where a douchey guy chooses a girl in front of the entire school and whatnot) and could teach those damn commies a thing or two…

  6. Jessa Fields says:


    Da, moya podruga. Didn’t you read the very Super Special, Sweet Valley Oblast? It’s the one where First Secretary Patman bulldozes Fowler Crest and builds a kolkhoz, Elizabeth faces the tricky task of “disappearing” those size eight and above from the yearbook, and Jessica sends a jealous cheerleader to a forced labor camp.

  7. Club X says:

    I loved this recap…hysterical! Ihatewheat, I would pay you to do recaps of everything in the universe just so I could laugh all day long. You are awesome!!

  8. Magenta Galaxy says:

    I also hope that it was a debate on the crappy local channel and not Dateline NBC or something.

    A store called Things for Girls? Hmmm…what could they possibly sell?

  9. Kate says:

    You didn’t mention my personal favorite part of this book- when Jess does the Q & A part of the pageant, is asked something about who is the strongest influence in her life, she gives like a two word answer that a five year old would think was too trite- something like “my sister- she’s really nice to me” and wins.

  10. kiwimusume says:

    Of course the dance teacher has never seen talent like Jessica’s before. When have the Wakefield twins ever not been amazing at something? They are, as one Babysitter’s Club fanfic writer put it, canon Mary-Sues.

  11. Dwanollah says:

    What Kate said. It was like she was given bonus points for the novelty of having a twin sister so she could coo the usual “We’re best friends! She’s always there for me!” stuff and all the audience would go “Awwwww” and wipe away tears or something.

    And don’t worry, Liz. It’s okay to be a feminist, as long as you aren’t one of those fat, ugly, unshaven, lesbo-dykey ones, so you still have the option of strutting around in a bikini and playing right into all of the problematic stereotypes of male-dominated culture. Oh, but as long as it was for YOUR TWIN SISTER, it’s just a-ok peachy keen. *insert copious eye rolling*

  12. Jadie says:

    This one is actually #76, and Almost Married is #102, not #101, and Jessica’s secret love is #107, not #104. No harm meant, it’s just easier to find a recap that way.

  13. janeprimrose says:

    Odd fact: On these ‘classic’ covers, Jessica often looks strikingly like my foster sister Karen, yet Elizabeth never does. Jessica is particularly Karenish on this one and that early Christmas special edition (where Elizabeth is opening a present and Jessica is making a fake ‘ooh’ face over it). It’s not that Karen is anything like the bitch Jessica is – she just has the same features! How does that work?

  14. katie says:

    lol. i totally learnt nothing from that book.
    whats the moral to it? all i get is that if ur beautiful and manipulative…u get everything.

    i agree. jess does not look all that gorgeous.

    liz’s expression: exactly the same in ‘love letters’..


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