Friday, September 29, 2006

Friday Hound Blogging

"Two four six eight, end greyhound racing, we won't wait!" "Two four six eight, end greyhound racing, we won't wait!" "Two four six eight..." Oh, hi. We're here at Henlow Stadium where we are calling attention to the exploitation of greyhounds. Now, there are only 18 of us, but that's OK because there are only 11 people in the stadium watching the races. We've heard that four of them are broke, three are drunk and one thinks the only palce that is safe from alien brain control waves is under the stands. We don't think he placed a bet.

Oh look, here comes the track Veterinarian to talk with us. Hello Doctor. Tell us, what would make someone who obviously cares about animials enough to make them his life's work ever associate themselves with something like greyhound racing?

"Well, after I graduated from the Walmart School of Veterinary Medicine there just didn't seem to be the opportunities opening up to me that they said would be there. It was either this or being a circus Vet. You ever try to give an pregnant elephant an epidural?"

Yes. Well, must be going, but first a word with Stadium manager George Wallace. Mr Wallace how do you feel about making your living by putting innocent creatures at risk? (We learned how to ask questions from Chris Wallace).

"We have a very good safety record when it comes to the greyhounds that race here. All dogs are treated very well and we are proud of our standards," Helow said. "Well, except for Last Hope. dogs in Wales...ah...well, listen, I've got to get back to work watching out for the welfare of the"

Yeah. You do that. With folks like him watching out for your welfare we bet you're glad you're retired, huh Cobblestone?

Cobblestone is sweet and calm. He loves attention and will push others out of the way for it. He has learned to play with toys, wags his tail in big full circles, and gets into the cockroach position already. He likes to curl up on a pillow. Cobblestone would do well in a working family home with well-mannered older children, 8 and up. He would probably be the more dominate male dog in the family or he would do well as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

And Now, A Word From Our Conscience

Dear Mr. President, and Congress:

Americans don't torture people. Mr. Bush, we realize that simple statement may be hard for you to understand because you apparently have no historical knowledge and you've surrounded yourself with people who are ignorant of the implications of America's founding principles--and proud of it.

Congress persons, you have apparently forgotten--if you ever knew--that being in Congress isn't about you, it's about us, and particularly about our children.

See, democracies are all about the future, about legacies. Because they're never done, one generation works to make it a little better for the next. We all engage in a big conversation, the thrust of which is what can we do to move our society forward and make it more equitable, more tolerant, more just, and more fair, especially to the most vulnerable among us.

Newsflash: Torutre is none of those things.

Mr. Bush, it appears you've made up your mind that America must be destroyed to save it from a bunch of guys living in caves, but you have a choice before you Mr and Ms Congresspersons. You can have a tombstone that reads, "Here lies so and so. He/She made a million," or "Here lies so and so. He/She made a difference."

Your call, but we're watching. Everyone is watching.

And now back to your regualrly scheduled blog...

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Next Up, Special Forces From Burkina Faso

Oh yeah Baby. It's On Now!

Everyone knows one of the difficulties we have had in our great war against terror--well--other than the fact that the terrorists don't know when they're beaten--is that we don't have enough "boots on the ground" to "flood the zone" and cut off the quick out to the split back out of the backfield. Or something like that.

Anyway, that's all over now because Secretary Rumsfeld has just recruited Montenegro for the good guys!

Excuse us. Did you Say Montenegro?

Why yes. We did say Montenegro.

That Montenegro?

Yes. You have a problem with that?

Why, no. No problem at all.

U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on Tuesday enlisted the support of Europe's newest state in the war on terrorism and promised to help train Montenegro's modest army of 2,500 to NATO standards. "As soon as we get these guys some guns, Osama's butt is going to be in a sling," Rumsfeld told reporters.

He then moved to neighboring Albania, whose prime minister reiterated a promise to keep in place the 120 Albanian troops serving in Iraq. "You hear that Germany?" You hear that Italy?," Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said. "Go on and keep your troops at home. We got Albania you bunch of wusses."

Montenegro, has just scrapped conscription and plans to reduce its military from around 4,000 to 2,500. "That's how many soldiers we could hire from Blackwater," said Montenegrin Prime Minister Milo Djukanovic.

Rumsfeld, the highest-ranking U.S. official to visit Montenegro since...well...since ever said he wasn't sure where the country was at first, "But I'll go anywhere to scrape up a few more bodies to protect our soldiers in the green zone."

He was due to attend the Southeastern European Defense Ministerial on Wednesday before going to Slovenia for an informal NATO defense ministers' meeting. "I thought Slovenia was some kind of skin condition or something. Hope the pilot knows where it is."

U.S. military officials say U.S. troop levels in Iraq are unlikely to fall from 142,000 before mid-2007 at the earliest. "That's not counting the 120 from Albania," Rumsfeld told reporters. "We got them on the run, boys," he said. "Good gracious we got them on the run."

Monday, September 25, 2006

It Is Too Your Fault. It Is, It Is

Much is being written around the internets today about Big Dog taking a bite out of Chris Wallace. Personally we always liked Clinton. Pretty disappointed in his Presidency, but that wasn't all his fault. Republicans really hate it when someone has fun. Anyway, Clinton always seemed a bit Shakespearean to us--at least what we dimly remember about Shakespearean. You know, big guy with a big...erm... flaw...Yeah, fatal flaw, that's the ticket. We didn't see the interview itself as Fox News gives us the runs, but Think Progress has the video up.

"I was just asking a question," Wallace said. "I don't know why he'd think it was a hit job. This is Fox News after all. We report. You decide." Yeah. Plus Clinton has often be accused of cynically manipulating the news for his own purposes. And anyway, who is the ex-president to impugn the motives of someone like Chris Wallace, who is generally considered to be the Edward R. Murrow of tee vee journalism.

Clinton told Wallace, "And you got that little smirk on your face and you think you're so clever, but I had responsibility for trying to protect this country. I tried and I failed to get bin Laden. I regret it, but I did try and I did everything I thought I responsibly could." Later a spokesperson for Fox News said Wallace often gets that smirk on his face when the voices in his head tell funny stories.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Friday Hound Blogging

All right people. They've tried being nice. They tried being accommodating. They've tried drugging the Nothing seems to work, so it's no more Mr. nice overlord. Either you drag your skinny butts to the track, or that's it.

If slot machines don't bring renewed interest to the dying sport of greyhound racing, Dan Adkins, the head of Broward County's only dog track says he would consider ending live racing. "Then you'll be sorry," Adkins told reporters. "Well, actually I'll be sorry because everything I've ever worked for in my entire life will be lost when they repossess my trailer."

"I really do hope I can increase interest in greyhound racing with slots," said Adkins. "I mean after all, the two forms of gambling couldn't be any more dissimilar, plus they appeal to totally different types of gamblers. It's got to work."

Mark Adams -- a California-based dog owner who runs Mesa Racing, a Florida corporation that breeds, sells and races greyhounds -- said he's long predicted the demise of racing. "This guy is costing jobs and futures," Adams said. "He's not a businessman. He's a moneygrubber."

Oh, Snap! Those overlords can really go after one another huh Isabelle?

Isabelle is a sweet girl who can be a bit shy, but is coming out of her shell more each day. She loves to shower her foster moms with kisses and will bump them in the butt when she wants attention! Her little stub of a tail rarely stops wagging and she is starting to enjoy playing with stuffies. Because Isabelle is still shy and a bit fearful, she needs a family that will be patient with her and understands shy dogs. She would also prosper more fully in a home with another dog to show her the ropes. She would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 6 and older. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

We're Sorry. Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed. Please Hang Up And Turn Yourself In

Now look, when Tom Jefferson and the boys wrote up the Constitution, no one had even heard of Iraq. Oh, wait, Iraq's not the problem. OK, no one had heard of waterboarding...oops...that's our problem. one had heard of the Islamofascist Ninja Shadow Demons from Mars. Or something like that. Anyway, the founding fathers were hopelessly quaint in their outlook and the fact that America and the whole of Western civilization is on the verge of destruction at the hands of a bunch of guys who live in caves just proves that we need a whole new outlook.

The Bush administration asked an appeals court Thursday to step in immediately and dismiss a lawsuit over the government's warrantless eavesdropping program, calling a lower judge's ruling dangerous and wrong. "We have to give up our personal freedoms to be free," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob. "Anything less and the terrorists win."

Government attorneys argued that continuing the case would risk the disclosure of "highly sensitive foreign intelligence information." Asked for an explanation, a Justice Department lawyer said, "Heck I don't know. We haven't had any sensitive foreign intelligence information since "Bin Laden Determined To Strike In The US."

Typically, appeals are filed at the conclusion of a case in trial court; however, in this case, Justice Department attorneys are asking the 9th Circuit to step in now given the sensitivity and urgency of national security. "We need this decided right now," said a Justice Department spokesperson. "The longer it goes on the more likely it is that people will figure out we're just fishing."

The decision, the latest of several rulings on the controversial program, drew a stern rebuke this week from vice president Cheney. He called it "just plain wrong. Oh, and were you aware that U.S. District Judge Garr King, the judge who ruled against us, calls his wife his little Snickerdoodle?"

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Hey, I'm Just The General. He's The Decider

You know, it must be tough being John Abizaid. Well, maybe we should rephrase that. It must be tough being one of the John Abizaids. We mean, you have the one John Abizaid who says sectarian violence in Iraq is the worst he's ever seen, then after a visit from vice president Cheney you have the other John Abizaid who says things are just peachy in Iraq. Then you have the troops are coming home, John Abizaid, and after that the troops are staying John Abizaid. What do you get a guy like that for Christmas? An eraser the size of a basketball?

"Well, you have to understand, we haven't had a handle on what's happening here since...aww, who am I kidding? We never had a handle on what's happening here," General Abzaid told reporters. "Don't tell Cheney I said that."

Abizaid, head of U.S. Central Command, said he had expected U.S. troop levels to be lower than the current 147,000 -- the highest in Iraq since early January. "Or maybe higher, I'm not sure. One or the other," he said.

"I think that this level will probably have to be sustained through the spring, and then we'll reevaluate," Abizaid told reporters. "Unless we have to reevaluate before that. Or maybe after. It depends. What was the question?"

"I think these are prudent force levels. Unless of course they aren't, in which case we'll need to reprudentize," Abizaid said, without ruling out the possibility of even more troops. "Unless of course we don't need them," he added.

There are currently 147,000 U.S. forces in Iraq — up more than 20,000 from the troop levels in late June. Rumsfeld extended the one-year deployment of an Alaska-based brigade in July, as part of the effort to stem the escalating violence in Baghdad. "Hey, you don't think I'm going to extend a unit from around here, do you?" Rumsfeld asked. "I don't want those terrorist loving, America hating military families in my face every day."

Abizaid said Tuesday that there are no plans to further extend the deployment of the Alaska Stryker brigade. "We finally managed to make the Secretary understand why the never ending deployment was a bad thing," the General said. "We just asked him how he would feel if he could never get court time again at the club. He understood perfectly after that."

"Look, war is messy business," Abizaid said. "And when that war is being run by the three stooges just being messy means it's a good day. Don't tell Cheney I said that."

Later General Abizaid was seen in front of the cafeteria menu deciding on dinner. He was still there at closing time.

Monday, September 18, 2006

A Public Service Announcement From Ironicus Maximus

OK, more full disclosure. We spent six years as inmates of the Catholic Educational System. That's six long years of daily mass, fund drives for which we shamelessly sold cheap statues of the Virgin Mary at obscenely inflated prices (and hence learned first hand the meaning of the phrase, the end justifies the means) and Sister Victorine bashing us on the knuckles for being left handed in penmanship class, then telling us to offer our suffering up for the pagan babies. Apparently the nuns believed that if a baby died before it was baptised it went to heaven's waiting room and had to stay there until enough of us had paid the price of admittance with our own sorrows. How, or if the pagan babies returned the favor was never explained to us.

Hence we feel uniquely qualified to speak to our Islamic friends in the current matter of the pope's faux pas.

Guys. Calm down. No one actually listens to the pope. Besides, even if they did, the guy's army is made up of men in sissy pants. No, the pope isn't the one you have to worry about. You want to worry about someone in a funny hat, worry about this guy.

Now, we're not saying the pope actually likes Muslims or anything...come guys are the competition. Does Walmart like Sears? But if you expect to see Benedict and Osama in a steel cage ain't happening.

Sure, sure the pope quoted an obscure medieval text that criticized some teachings of the Prophet Mohammed as "evil and inhuman" instead of talking about the Inquisition, but you have to be loyal to the home team, right?

Besides, what have you got to complain about? A few cartoons? A line in a lecture that probably put everyone to sleep five minutes after it started? Pish tosh. Well, there is the bombing and invasion thing, but that's not just because you're Islamic.

Anyway, you want persecution? Check out what American Christians have to go through: Recently, a woman in Houston, Texas was ordered by local police to stop handing out gospel tracts to children who knocked on her door during Halloween. Christian parents have to contend with My Space corrupting their children. And don't even get us started about the homos.

Oh sure, we know what you're thinking. Constitutional protection of freedom of religion and all that, (plus nobody's bombing them) but let us tell you that don't mean nothing when you got boobs on the tee vee. No, not those boobs, these boobs. OK, technically just a boob, but you get the picture.

Look, all we're saying is you have to suck it up a little bit. Only holler when you're hurt, know what we're saying? When someone declares a war on Ramadan, come and see us. Until then, Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha walk in to a bar...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday Hound Blogging

Hmm...It seems that as the pie gets smaller the overlords are getting a leetle testy about the size of everyone's piece.

People wanting to place off-track bets on horse racing in Pima County in the past week weren't able to do so because of a dispute between Tucson Greyhound Park and the Phoenix-based horse track Turf Paradise. "Those Bozos over there think just because the horses are theirs, they should get more of the rubes' money," said Chris McConnell, general manager of Tucson Greyhound Park.

A percentage of revenue from money bet is shared among the two tracks and Yavapai Downs, a Prescott Valley-based horse track that controls the broadcast signal during the summer. "We're the ones who incur all the expenses," said a representative of Turf Paradise. "All they have to do is turn on a tee vee."

"Right," McConnell responded. "And how do they think we afford to keep all these dogs around here? Not from a couple of losers' two dollar bets, I'll tell you that. Nobody with any brains comes out here to watch the dogs anymore."

"Hey, you think we're packing them in over here?" the track representative told reporters. "The more money we keep at our track, the better the chance I'll be able to afford an apartment some day."

"Well, Boo hoo hoo," McConnell said. "And what am I supposed to do in the mean time? Get a real job?"

Interesting suggestion that, huh Jewel? Think anyone would hire him? Yeah. We don't either.

Jewel is a real princess. She enjoys playing with toys and loves stuffed animals. She is very affectionate and friendly. She will often sleep on her back with her paws in the air. She likes to put her head into corners and cubbies in the home and likes to collect items, although when she is caught in the act, she “blames” the family dog for any issues. She eats like a chipmunk and will store food in her mouth before she eats it. Jewel would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children, 6 and older. She would probably be happiest in a home with another dog that will play with her. She tends to be afraid of the dark and needs a family member that will go outside with her when it is dark outside. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

What Did You Do In The War, Daddy?

We've written before that the opportunity to participate in the uniformed services was never afforded to us. Well--full disclosure again--we never actually went looking for it either, and the day it knocked? Must not have been home. However, in our defense let us say the country, and especially the military are better off for that. Still, unlike certain others whose primary goal in life seems to be keeping their money as far away from their mouths as possible, we've often wondered what we could do here on the homefront to support the troops so valiantly laboring under the weight of the current flock of brainless wonders in Washington.

Now we know.

Nonlethal weapons such as high-power microwave devices should be used on American citizens in crowd-control situations before being used on the battlefield, the Air Force secretary said Tuesday. "Think of the message we'll send to the terrorists if we fry the brains of a bunch of dirty hippies protesting for economic justice or some bogus cause like that."

The object is basically public relations. Domestic use would make it easier to avoid questions from others about possible safety considerations, said Secretary Michael Wynne. "Of course that assumes there are no 'safety considerations' in the first place, but that's what we'll find out when we nuke some protestors."

"If we're not willing to use it here against our fellow citizens, exercising their constitutional rights to free assembly and to petition government, then we should not be willing to use it against people who are trying to blow us up," said Wynne. "My logic is impeccable, no?"

The Air Force has paid for research into nonlethal weapons, but he said the service is unlikely to spend more money on development until injury problems are reviewed by medical experts and resolved. "Anybody know where there's a demonstration this weekend?" Wynne asked.

Nonlethal weapons generally can weaken people if they are hit with the beam. Some of the weapons can emit short, intense energy pulses that also can be effective in disabling some electronic devices. "Can you imagine how the enemy will freak when we fry their ipods?" Wynne said.

When asked to explain the ethical considerations of testing weapons on American citizens, Secretary Wynne said, "if I hit somebody with a nonlethal weapon and they claim that it injured them in a way that was not intended, I think that I would be vilified in the world press. But if that person is Cindy Sheehan...pfffttt...what. ever."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Of Course, It Could Just Mean The Terrorists Are Stuck In Traffic

You know, we kind of like George Bush. Whenever he spends twenty minutes trying to scare the bejeezus out of us he always closes with something to the effect that if we'll just trust him, the bad terrorists won't be able to steal our daughters and burn us in our beds at night. You have to appreciate a glass half full kind of fellow like that. We like that so much better than Cheney's "if they don't kill you, I will" approach to governance.

Now, in the interests of full disclosure--which we're really not interested in, but the phrase seems popular and being popular is what we're all about here at IM Central--in the interests of full disclosure, we didn't watch the president's 9/11 speech the other night because...well... because we've heard the speech for years now, and the Stoli had been in the freezer long enough.
But we digress. Other people watched the speech and for some reason it upset them.

Bitter partisan squabbles engulfed Capitol Hill, sparked by President Bush's 9/11 speech that was not supposed to be political. "Look, the president is a failed businessman, a lousy student, and he couldn't even get being a drunk right. What else does he have but politics?" said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob.

"Right," said Senator Harry Reid (D-IFoundMyMaleParts). "And his skill as a politician makes his student days look like Rhodes scholarship stuff. Oh, wait. That was Bill Clinton."

In his speech, Bush portrayed the war in Iraq as part of a "struggle for civilization" with terrorists -- one on par with the World War II struggle against fascism and the Nazis. "OK, so the terrorists don't have a country, don't have an army, navy or air force, don't really have a single leader and can't even really agree among themselves on a common policy, but other than that, it's real close," the president said.

"I am often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks," Bush continued. "The answer is how the heck do I know? I was on vacation in Crawford."

"This was not a speech that was designed to single out anybody for partisan reasons," Snowjob said. Well, except for the blame America first terrorist enabling America Haters. Them and the democrats. Oh, wait, those are the democrats. My bad."

But the speech was partisan, Reid charged. "By focusing on Iraq in the manner he did, the president engaged in an all-too-familiar administration tactic: conflate and blur the war in Iraq with the response to 9/11," he added.

"What's your point?" Snowjob asked. "After all, there have been no attacks in the United States since 9/11," he added.

"OK let me get this straight," said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, (D-Uppity Woman). "You want us to believe that the administration that squandered the world's good will after 9/11; the administration that had Osama bin Laden at Tora Bora and let him go; the administration that botched the wrong war in the wrong country; the administration that couldn't tell its elbow from a hole in the ground after Katrina hit; this is the administration has been keeping America safe?"

"Well it sounds so negative when you put it like that," Snowjob said.

"I listen to the questions today and I listen to my Democrat friends, and I wonder if they are more interested in protecting the terrorists than protecting the American people," House Majority Leader John Boehner, (R-KissyBushylikeylicky), said "Not that I'm trying to change the subject from our idiot policies to patriotism or anything."

Senator Rick Santorum, (R-Sockpuppet), who took the floor after Reid's comments denounced them. "The very people that planned the attacks are the people who are in Iraq -- al Qaeda in Iraq -- causing that sectarian violence," he said. "Should we ignore that, I ask the senator from Nevada? Because everyone knows that's the only other choice we have."

Santorum also disagreed with Reid's characterization of the president's speech."The president did not give a political speech last night," he said. "He spoke of the reality of the conflict that is before us. It is not popular to do so, I know. It is not popular to stand up and support a conflict that is difficult ... to deal with every day."

At that point the Senator's voice cracked with emotion. "You think I like defending failure? You think it's easy to explain policies that have no basis in reality? You try looking children in the eye whose fathers have died in Iraq and telling them it was the right thing to do. Well, I've never actually had to do that because I won't go anywhere near the family of a dead soldier, but you can imagine how hard it would be. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, Democrats love the terrorists..."

We'd like to break into the senator's rant here to point your attention over to the ne'er do wells on the right and ask you to welcome J.P.. We can't vouch for his taste beverages, but his ability to embed You Tube videos in his blog makes us jealous and has us thinking about writing in this blog while we're sober enough to figure stuff like that out ourselves.

Monday, September 11, 2006

We're Sure He Was Mentally Plotting The Demise Of The Evil Doers

As our contribution to the rememberances of September 11, we offer the following photograph of the leader of the free world in action during that time of crisis:

Later, he rested in Nebraska.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Friday Hound Blogging

Man. Sometimes being an overlord means it's not even worth getting out of bed. No wonder they're drunk most of the time. Well, when they aren't high. But can you blame them? We mean, they get up in the morning, read the paper, OK, get their neighbor from the next trailer to read the paper to them, and they hear something like this.

Seabrook track completes its shortest season ever with dogs running live before track patrons from only May 4 to Sept. 3. The shortened live racing season is no fluke, track comptroller Robert Davidson said. "We got eight people coming out on a regular basis, and two of them were so drunk they passed out before they could place a bet."

In Seabrook’s heyday back in 1986, it generated more than $6,248,000 in taxes,” Pari-mutuel Director Paul Kelley said“... Last year, Seabrook’s tax revenue was about $112,000. Stupidity just doesn't seem to be as popular now as it was back then."

Well, not among customers anyway. So the poor overlord looks though the torn screen of the window at the highway across the parking lot and thinks things can't get any worse than this.

Oh yes they can.

"We have no business, we are struggling financially and we have had no joy yet as far as getting our race dates back," Cessnock is fighting to regain its 44 TAB greyhound meetings for 2006-07 after the sport's controlling authority, Greyhound Racing NSW, made a decision to dump the Hunter town as a TAB venue.

Now that's got to hurt. Even the racing industry doesn't want to be involved in racing. Looks like Mr. Overlord better start practice saying "Welcome to Walmart," huh John?

John is real sweet, quiet and easygoing. He enjoys affection, but does not actively seek it out at this time. When he wants to go outside he roos. John would do well in a working family home with well-mannered children. He is good with cats and other average to large size dogs (no small dogs) and would probably be fine as an only dog. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

ABC. The Always Blame Clinton Network

Generally we figure that people who get their news from TV movies deserve what they get, but the reaction to ABC's "docudrama" about September 11 seems to be centered around the fact that it apparently comes right out of the John Stossel school of journalism.

Days before its scheduled debut, the first major television miniseries about the Sept. 11 attacks was being criticized as biased and inaccurate by bloggers, terrorism experts and a member of the Sept. 11 commission, whose report makes up much of the film’s source material. "Well, when we said the 'commission report makes up a lot of our source material,' we meant, like the title," said a network spokesperson. "And some of the names. We didn't change people's names in the film."

Richard A. Clarke, the former counterterrorism czar, questioned a scene that depicts several American military officers on the ground in Afghanistan. In it, the officers, working with leaders of the Northern Alliance, the Afghan rebel group, move in to capture Osama bin Laden, only to allow him to escape when a helicopter lands in front of them and Clinton gets out casts a spell on th etroops turning them into pigs. “It didn’t happen,” Mr. Clarke said.

ABC responded with a statement saying that the miniseries was “a dramatization, not a documentary, drawn from a variety of sources, including the 9/11 commission report, other published materials and from personal interviews. One of our most useful sources was Dick Cheney," the statement read.

Former Gov. Thomas H. Kean of New Jersey, the chairman of the Sept. 11 commission and a consultant on the miniseries, defended the program. “I pointed out the fact that the scene involving Afghanistan and the attempt to get bin Laden is a composite,” Mr. Kean said, "It's made up of what we gleaned from reports, newspaper articles and what we pulled out of our as...well, poetic license is probably a better way to say it."

Mr. Kean conceded that some points might have been more drama than documentary. “After the opening credits it gets pretty fuzzy in the reality category,” he said. "But we're pretty sure bin Laden was there."

Online commentators seized on remarks made last week by Rush Limbaugh, the conservative radio host, who said “The Path to 9/11” had been written and produced by a “friend of mine out in California” named Cyrus. Cyrus Nowrasteh, the film’s screenwriter and one of its producers, said he had met Mr. Limbaugh on the set of “24,” the serialized thriller on Fox. “I met him briefly,” Mr. Nowrasteh said. “And that’s it. Bought some oxycontin off him, but we're really not friends. By the way, did you know Bill Clinton is the devil?”

Richard Ben-Veniste, a member of the Sept. 11 commission, said, “As we were watching, we were trying to think how they could have misinterpreted the 9/11 commission’s finding the way that they had. Later we found out it wasn't a misinterpretation because they never read the report in the first place.”

ABC said it planned to run a disclaimer with the broadcast, reminding viewers that the movie was not a documentary and the network has no reposibility to treat issues fairly, with professionalism, or even honestly. "Hey, this is TV," a network spokesperson said. "You want reality? Read the paper. Oh wait. I just made a funny."

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Why No, I Don't Think I Can Learn From My Past Mistakes. Why Do You Ask?

OK, you've got to give the president one thing: he's consistent. We mean, the guy's been swimming against the tide of reality for what, 20 years now? You'd think that sooner or later something would seep in.

Yeah. You'd think that, but then you'd have to explain this.

President George W. Bush will nominate a former federal highway chief, Mary Peters, as the next transportation secretary, an administration official said. Peters is currently a vice president at HDR, Inc. an engineering firm.

That would be the HDR, Inc. involved in rebuilding after Katrina and Boston's Big Dig, and we all know how well they are going.

Peters was a surprise selection after more prominent names faded in recent days. Federal Aviation Administration Administrator Marion Blakey and acting Transportation Secretary Maria Cino had been viewed as top candidates. "Yeah. We're having a little trouble getting people to return our calls," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob.

Peters is from Phoenix and a former state transportation official in Arizona before joining the Bush administration. Her planned 2006 run for Arizona governor foundered last year on questions about her state residency qualifications after living in Virginia during her Bush administration tenure. "Hey, this is the internet age," said an aide to Peters. "Why should the governor actually have to live in the state she governs. They've got conference calls."

As highway administrator, Peters focused on expanding the private sector's role in financing, building, operating and maintaining transportation infrastructure. "I viewed my job as a government official to get government out of the road building and maintenance business," Peters told reporters. "After all, no one makes a profit if government does stuff. And my job as head of a government agency is to make sure someone's making a profit."

You bet. Democracy at its best.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday Hound Blogging

OK, you better sit down. The overlords are about to Get. It. On. That's right. No more of this wishing and hoping crap for them. After 80 years they have decided Advertise!

The British Greyhound Racing Board is launching the first advertising campaign in the sport's 80 year history. The campaign, created and planned by Ward Lovett aims to revamp the image of greyhound racing and appeal to a new generation of visitors. "Yeah. We figure this tee vee thing is here to stay," Lovett said.

When reporters asked who would compose the 'new generation of visitors' Lovett replied that, thanks to modern dentistry it was true that not as many people went through life missing most of their teeth, so the pool of potential customers was 'substantially reduced,' Lovett felt the difference could be made up through attracting those with substance abuse problems. "They don't have as much disposable income because they're spending it on the dope," Lovett said. "But we're going to schedule races and specials around when welfare checks are distributed."

Ha. We knew it was only a matter of time before the fine minds at overlord central would zero in on the problem. The future's so bright, they have to wear shades. Well, there are a couple

These days Tucson Greyhound Park looks more like a ghost town than a racetrack.
As racing began on a recent Thursday night, only a handful of people dotted the stands. A lull hung in the air until the first dogs burst from their gates, mercifully bringing a rush of energy that woke up several people who had dozed off in the homeless camp under the stands.

OK, we know what you're thinking. End of the line track. Clientele made up of a high percentage of persons with...erm...cognitive dysfuntions, and an overlord class that is one step ahead of the bill collector. Sounds pretty dangerous for the dogs right? Wrong. How many times do we have to explain the deep and abiding love the overlords have for the After this track, it's a first class ticket to adoption city right boys?

When their racing days are over at the track, some of the dogs will return to their owners. Others go on to breeders or adoption groups. See? What'd we tell you?

But other dogs just "disappear," said greyhound activists, who fear unwanted dogs may have been euthanized. These fears have been underscored by the state's investigation into the alleged disappearance of 100 to 200 greyhounds that had recently left the track for Colorado.

In this case, the track contracted with a trainer in Colorado to move the dogs to various adoption agencies. The dogs were taken from the track by the Colorado trainer, but they were never delivered to adoption groups.

Oh.'s got to be some sort of misunderstanding. Let's see what the person transporting the dogs has to say.

The trainer has not returned calls.

Yeah. Uh...OK...Aliens! Has anybody thought of that? I mean come on, 200 dogs and their overlord just up and disappear? People. Hasn't anyone been watching the 4400? "Taken for a Reason. Returned With A Purpose."

OK, so we're still working on the "returned" part, just cut us a little slack, what do you say Tillie? Whoa! Calm down girl! We can't print that in a family blog

Tillie takes baby steps in the right direction everyday. She has learned that toys are for playing and takes all of them into her crate by day's end. The other grey in the home waits for a chance and then drags them back out and takes them to her bed. She has started giving kisses and comes to the foster family when they call her name. Tillie can now go up and down stairs with ease. However, the family keeps the dogs primarily on the 1st floor, so she doesn't do it very often. Sometimes, when her foster mom is upstairs folding laundry or cleaning, Tillie will hear her footsteps and will come up to check things out. She is good on walks when people or other dogs approach, but when at home she barks at every strange noise she hears. The foster family thinks it may be because on walks, she knows Mom and Dad are there to protect her. For more information about this dog, and other rescued racing greyhounds looking for homes, go here. If you don't know about the plight of racing greyhounds go here.