Friday, September 23, 2011

Forty Lawyers Walk Into My House

It sounds like the start of a joke, right?

For some reason my husband and I thought it would be a good idea to have 40 people over for dinner tomorrow night. Hahahahaha. Aren't we funny? Did I mention that they're lawyers? Remind me not to argue with anyone.

Slowly, we began to wonder what 40 people in a 1,450-sq.-ft. house might look like. And really, the downstairs is less than that, right? I can't do math, but I think you get the idea:

Lawyers in a can!

So I rented tables and chairs. I called in for help. I have two assistants coming over to help me serve at the party. I took a day off work to start cooking. In fact, I've been cooking since 9 o'clock this morning. I'm just waiting for a chocolate bundt cake to cool so then I can frost it.

So far today I have made approximately 20 lbs. of spinach lasagna:

I was really motivated and artistic at the start of this.

5 lbs. of Swedish meatballs:

It's hard to make ground meat attractive.

And the aforementioned bundt cake:

I glazed it right in the middle of this blog. Soooo talented!

I've still got brownies and grilled chicken to go before I take the rest of the day off. I'm tired and my back hurts. I think this is why people cater events. I think I must have wanted to test my limits. That's the only reason why I can fathom I decided to do this. Oh yeah, I'm a big idea person. Of course, I have to live with the consequences of those big ideas.


We've hosted 20 people in our home before and I've cooked for 20. I wanted to see if we could double that. I mean doubling that doesn't sound that hard, right? Sort of like a marathon of entertaining. I don't know if I'll repeat it but I was certainly interested to try.

Have I mentioned I've had an entire pot of coffee and a Diet Coke today?

I am wiiiiii-rrrrred.

I am a baking machine!

I'm having thoughts like:

"I should go into catering! Cooking all day is much better than writing all day. I'm all by myself and no one is criticizing the job I'm doing. No one in the editing department is re-mixing my cake. I don't have any account people second-guessing how much pepper I put in the Swedish meatballs. The client isn't going to send back the vegetarian lasagna they specifically asked for and tell me they wanted it with meat instead. This is totally awesome!"

But I'm sure as soon as this caffeine high wears off I'll start appreciating my desk job.

Although right now cooking seems AMAZING and I am a SUPER-CATERER TO THE LEGAL STARS OF METRO DETROIT.

Okay, even writing that sentence took away from the high that is quickly evaporating. I have to admit, I stopped to glaze the bundt cake after writing that sentence with all caps and now I'm tired. The thought of making brownies or grilling chicken exhausts me.

Maybe I need to start doing cocaine?

Uh oh. Now I'm re-thinking the whole career in catering. The mere thought of it has turned my mind to drugs.


  1. Can you make that 41 lawyers? I'll be right over. Dibs on the bundt. ;)

    Seriously, congrats, it looks amazing and you should really pamper yourself tomorrow to make up for all this work today!

  2. I would have baked the cake first and had it with the coke while I did everything else. .. but that might be just me .. and chocolate :)

    Meet them all at the door with a waiver releasing you of any responsibility for anything during the evening lol....
    Our family is doctors ... kind of fun ..if you have a strong stomach ..

  3. Everything looks awesome!! I have a heart attack before G's birthday, and we had salad and hot dogs so you are SO much braver then me!!

  4. I was totally suspecting drugs were already in play: you sound manic.

    Or else, I was going to suggest some drugs for tomorrow.

    I've heard Xanax helps you to not care, when things start going wrong. :-D

  5. @Eva: I can't pamper myself tomorrow because tomorrow is ROUND TWO OF COOKAPALOOZA!

    @aBroad: You make me laugh! The bundt would have gone nicely with the pot of coffee, now that you mention it.

    @Amelia: I was going to grill hamburgers and hotdogs but then realized that meant I would be standing over a hot, smoky grill while I had 40 guests at my house.

    @Susan in the Boonies: Xanex, you say? And what was that about things going wrong....

  6. I seriously have a reading comprehension problem today. I thought you wrote COCKAPALOOZA. And, I was gonna be all, "Well, that could be considered pampering if done well."

  7. I'm sure my husband would consider it pampering.

  8. I want some of those meatballs. I hope the hosting goes well. You're not wearing a bra with your dress tonight, right? Cause I mean, I'm pretty sure you're doing this just so you can re-enact the chicken cutlet situation.

  9. @Ad Astra: Thanks for the reminder. I should have put "bra-optional" on the invite.

  10. You cooked for 40 people?! I loathe cooking for 3! 40 would definitely turn me to drugs.
    I saw your comment on (I'm the rep who is selling Rodan + Fields). I wanted to tell you that, like you, I tried EVERYTHING before finding Proactiv in my 20's. Then, in my 30's things changed and the Proactiv wasn't working as well. I heard about the doctors starting a new company and knew I had to try it, and I am so glad I did. You should sign up to be a consultant. The pay system is really good, and it is something that can be done part time, around your schedule. The company is going to grow enormously in the next few years, and those that are first are going to make a lot of money!

  11. Oh absolutely not! This is my nightmare.

  12. I totally understand about testing one's limits. Hubby and I did a couple of Mardi Gras parties with 30 or 40 guests, and intended to make it an annual event. Having proven we could do it, we quit.

  13. You must be wearing a cape instead of an apron. What is the hub's contribution to this craziness? Ice and tubs full of beer/wine?

  14. Heaven forbid anyone slips and falls during the party...

  15. You may have lost your mind. Or that would be me. I don't even cook for six anymore.

    I'm sure it will be perfect (you and your husband ARE perfectionists, after all) and those 40 lawyers will talk about this forever. ;-) Good luck.

  16. As much as I like cooking, if someone asked me to cook for 40 people, I would promptly call Whole Foods and tell them to help them.

    ...And subsequently be out $300 dollars.

    GOOD LUCK!!! You are amazing.

  17. Babe, with a room full of lawyers, the drugs should be easy to aquire.

  18. I cater.

    It's all fun and games till someone tells you your food is too garlicy.

    Then you curl up and die.

    And do it all again the next day.

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    This is hilarious. And look at you--Martha Stewart! Of course I am late to the party as usual but had I read this earlier I'd have suggested you change your avatar on Face to the young MS. Resemblance, yes?

    Hope it went well.

  21. Just the thought of 40 people in my house makes me tense. I hate hosting.

  22. Oh but I loved the paragraph about how making meatballs would be better than taking client direction! I think you should run with it.

  23. Holy crap, I need to come to your party. Last night I ate nuked chicken wieners for dinner.

  24. I just got around to reading this. I'm soooo sorry I live in a different city. I'm a caterer. I never cook. I have people for that. I so could have hooked you up!

    But everything sounded delicious and I'm sure you were a big hit!

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  26. I have had those thoughts in the past. Thankfully the effects of which, wear off. Just like the caffine and nicotine.