I’ll be back: Jesus’ Virgin Birth, Easter Eggs and the Terminator

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Jesus’ Virgin Birth, Chicken and Egg

The birth of Jesus from Mary the Virgin is a riddle, a mystery. Either God came down like Zeus as the Holy Spirit (God comes as a dove, Zeus as a swan) or Celsus was right claiming Jesus was fathered by a Roman soldier. It’s just a miracle, to be accepted on Faith.

But when you look into other mythologies, the virgin birth becomes clear, understandable – even necessary. This is because there is always one female, who is mother/consort, and two males, who are father and son. Let’s take the Egyptian story for example. The baby Horus is born of Isis. She’s his mother. But then later, Horus grows up and becomes Osiris: Now Isis becomes his mistress, and from their union, Isis conceives, giving birth to Horus, in a never ending puzzle, a “mystery”.

But what came first, originally, in the beginning of time? The father, the mother or the child? This is like the chicken and the egg, also a great mystery. What came first? Obviously, the egg. But where did the egg come from? From a chicken. But where did the chicken come from??

There is no answer; it’s one of those divine mysteries that makes our head spin.

This is a lot like the riddle of the terminator movies.

The Terminator

A cyborg is sent from the future to kill Sarah Connor, whose future son John Conner will start a resistance against the machines. Sarah has only one protector – Kyle Reese – also sent from the future; but Kyle and Sarah have sex, which is the act that creates John Conner. So, John Conner was only born in the past because his future self will send Kyle back in time to screw his mother!

To use another example, when Neo is visiting the seer, and she says “never mind about the vase.” “What vase?” he says, but as he turns to look he knocks it over. “What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is,” she says, “is whether you would have broken it if I hadn’t said anything.”

Where does Easter come from?

Although The Terminator Movies and the Matrix weren’t known by the Egyptians, they did appreciate the mystery of the egg; which was regarded as a sacred symbol. (After all, they couldn’t figure out how birds apparently hatched all by themselves, out of something scarcely different from a rock).

Every year, when Osiris died and was torn into pieces by Set, Isis would go around and collect the pieces in the spring and put them back together. Although I haven’t found the textual evidence for this yet, I’m willing to bet that this myth started a ritual of going out and collecting eggs, symbolizing the dead Osiris, soon to be reborn as Horus.

Horus and Osiris were combined into the figure of Sarapis, who was given a human face rather than animal heads, and his name was later changed to “Jesus” as he was translated into Jewish culture.

I’ve heard some other versions of where we got Easter from, but I haven’t found any idea as brilliant as my own. If you happen to come across proof that Egyptians searched for eggs as the body of Osiris, please let me know; at any rate, even without the proof I think it’s the best explanation for why we go out searching for eggs during the time was Jesus is resurrected.

Incidentally, this identification is seen more clearly in the East Orthodox churches. In Russia, Orthodox Catholics bake this cake called “Kulich” and take it to church to be blessed by the priest.  The Kulich must be baked in this shape only. In the myth of Osiris, Isis collected all of the body parts except one – the penis. Have the Russians found it? Does this tradition hearken back to a ritual of collecting the eggs as the body of Osiris/Jesus, and then celebrating the fertile/procreative discovery of this explosive, phallus shaped cake to symbolize the resurrection?

What do you think? Reply to these questions in the comment form:

1) Do you believe in the Virgin Birth? Why or why not?

2) Where do you think Easter comes from?

  • Topher Keaton

    The virgin birth of Jesus is necessary for two reasons:
    1.) In Genesis 3:15 it says, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel.” Obviously, the woman does not have a seed (here coming from the Hebrew “zera” which is always spoken of as being from a man; e.g. Genesis 38:9 and Leviticus 15:16-17,32)
    2.) The sin committed by Adam and Eve in the garden polluted the blood of mankind; consequently, life is in the blood (see Leviticus 17:11). This sin tainted blood did not pass to Jesus in the womb because not even a single drop of blood is interchanged normally between a mother and her baby. Hence, Jesus was born with sinless blood because the blood of the baby is created within itself.

    Lastly, Easter isn’t far off from the version you tell. Biblically the people are Cush, Semiramis, Nimrod, and Tammuz. Cush and Semiramis had a son named Nimrod. Cush died, and Nimrod grew up to marry his mother Semiramis. They became the king and queen of Babylon. One of Nimrod’s enemies eventually killed Nimrod and scattered pieces of his body. Semiramis gathered all of his body parts except for his penis. Without it, she said he could not come back to life. Rather, he ascended to become Baal, the sun god. Semiramis then became known as Ishtar (pronounce Easter). She said she had been born of the moon from an egg. She then birthed another son Tammuz who she claimed came about from the rays of the son (Baal). Her son was known to have a fascination with rabbits. Further explanation of Easter can be found at http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/tract1.html

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for your comment! Here’s some feedback: 1.) I don’t believe in Genesis as literal history, I think it is astromythology relating to Virgo, Draco and Leo; I also don’t believe in a God who would punish all of man for Adam’s predestined and entirely foreseeable ‘failure’ (neither did anyone else until Augustine in the 4th century created the idea of ‘original sin’; hence our need to baptise babies). 2.) I don’t understand; if Jesus wasn’t tainted by the sinful blood in the womb – why am I or anybody else? if a mother doesn’t exchange blood, how can “original sin” be passed on at all? (what I think you’re saying is that the sin is passed through Adam, through the seed; and since Jesus had no father, he has no sin).

      Which may be true. But a) this is no different from Zeus becoming a swan and impregnating Leda b) if Jesus was human, then he sinned. I don’t care what kind of body he had – if he didn’t have temptation, didn’t have to control his nasty thoughts, didn’t lust or covet or get angry or frustrated, then how is he human? Most early Christians argued about whether or not Jesus even ate or went to the bathroom, because a historical God-Man cannot be fully human and fully divine (Constantine settled the matter arbitrarily; half of the bishops went off to Istanbul and set up the East Orthodox faith (which the Catholics would later go and destroy during the Crusades).

      As for your version of Easter, I like mine better. I wasn’t familiar with that version of Nimrod; it sounds too much like Osiris. My guess is the Jews, who were living in Egypt, took the Osiris story and changed the names a bit; or maybe the Babylonians did have the same story, I wouldn’t be surprised, but I don’t trust the link you gave as a reference.