Saturday, February 4, 2017

Detective Comics #947

Deserved it.

The Review!
Spoiler scolds Batman for doing his job incorrectly. She should be scolding all the terrible writers who let superhero comics fall this far. She should be scolding James Tynion IV for writing a response to those assholes instead of just fucking ignoring that garbage and just getting back to making superheroes about saving lives and helping the downtrodden and inspiring people to be greater than they are. She should scold the editors for letting shit get this bad. At this point, what's her fucking solution? Batman gives up being the Batman and DC Comics stops printing comic books? Because the only way to stop all of these villains from causing death and destruction, according to Spoiler and all the shit writers that brought DC Comics to this point, is to stop having superheroes for them to attack. Obviously no super-villain in the DC Universe has any plan greater than getting revenge on a superhero. So I guess the superheroes will have to retire and DC Comics will only be able to print comic books about Gotham police or Metropolis police or Central City police.

Oh wait! Here's another idea. Stop taking part in this self-reflective, masturbatory bullshit! Hey, editors? How about telling writers that heroes in the DC Universe are heroic and they stop villains from making the world a dangerous place. So they're going to have to think a little harder with their stories to give villains motivations that do not involve superheroes. The villains should be crossing their fingers and hoping no hero catches wind of their plan. Enough of these villains who are all, "You know what? I'm going to spend the incredibly vast amount of money I have and tap into the crazy scientific and technological resources at my disposal to kill Batman, who, let's face it, has never been killed before (except maybe that one time (sort of (but not really)))" How about they either retire at that point to some private island or you give them a reason for committing crimes that could potentially place them in conflict with Batman or Superman?

I've ranted about this before but it's really annoying me now with Batman being scolded by Spoiler. Fuck you, Spoiler. Fuck right the hell off. It's not Batman's fault! It's every writer that has participated in this catastrophe!

So this is the Stephanie Brown everybody missed so badly during The New 52? I can do without her.

I know all the Steph fans are saying shit like, "Give her a break! She's mourning Tim! Have a heart!" To which I respond, "One: Tim was a douche. And two: I don't have a heart." Although I don't ultimately blame Steph for her own actions. As I've noted, I blame lazy fucking writers who have made the very concept of the superhero who inspires by saving the day into a fucking joke. And I also don't totally blame Tynion for writing this response to the mess writers have made of the DC Universe. He's only trying to make a logical progression from Point A (villains only exist to attack heroes) to Point B (heroes are the fucking worst).

The other heroes tell Steph that they've made the choice to be heroes and it isn't Batman's fault that they don't have foster parents or a cure or a military academy to run. They don't tell her to fuck off although Batwoman comes pretty close. Steph decides to ditch the Bat-family and dedicate her life to doing the exact thing she wanted to stop by stopping heroes. Steph decides to fight against the heroes. Steph decides her goal now is fight Batman. Just like all the other victims of violence who blame the heroes. Just like all the villains whose only goal is to defeat the heroes. Fuck you, Stephanie Brown. Eat s-h-i-t.

Mostly I'm angry at Stephanie for quitting because now Batman wants to add Azrael to the team. Fucking Christ. Are you kidding me? That guy is bummer city.

The Ranking!
No change. I can't lower the rating just because Batman mentions getting Jean Paul Valley on the team. But if that happens, this comic will lose rankings faster than a comic written by Ann Nocenti and drawn by David Finch.

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