Enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship

Relationship Type 4 with Type 9 — The Enneagram Institute

enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship

I have a great relationship with a 9 friend of mine. He is older so he's learned to not avoid conflict and unpleasant feelings as much, which is. Harmony: 9 allows 4 to pursue her options, 4 plans out romantic dates How do you see the Enneagram types affecting your personal relationships? (It does. People of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus.

What to Acknowledge About Self This is about what each individual needs to take responsibility for that contributes to difficulty and distress in the relationship. What to Appreciate About the Other This section elucidates the positive attributes and qualities each individual needs to acknowledge, appreciate, and support in the other.


Type Four—The Seeker




This can lead to estrangement, especially since neither type is good at expressing desires and needs even though Givers can be on the hedonistic side in the service of others. As a result, estrangement and deadening can lead to disruption of the relationship.


Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Devote time to pleasure and relationship building. Relationship Development for Givers with Perfectionists: What to Appreciate in Perfectionists. Commitment to improvement, restraint and self-reliance, high inner standards, consistence, devotion to practical virtues.

Practice steadiness and consistency. Welcome suggestions for improvement. The Perfectionist, however, sometimes may become critical of the way the Performer discounts important details, cuts corners, speeds through things with their fast pace, and making changes to suit circumstances.

This pattern can become compounded since both types tend to avoid feelings, which eventually leads to alienation and separation. What to Appreciate in Performers. A can-do attitude, positivity, shared value in work and competence, goal focus, efficiency. To reduce the emphasis on minutiae and correctness.

enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship






enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship


Both can turn silent and withholding, endangering the relationship. What to Appreciate in Observers. Work at sustaining non-judgmental and moderate engagement. Your sensitivity to intrusion and criticism, an avoidance of feelings and charged issues, a tendency to withdraw or take superior position by judging in an intellectual manner. Restraint, practicality, self-reliance, dependability, high standards, striving to improve things and relationships as a form of care, attention to detail.

Move forward and embrace feelings and charged issues. Find ways to enliven the relationship, including the physical relationship. Encourage Perfectionists to live and let live and in the process, to become more accepting of differences in others.













Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy. To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences. Develop flexibility and patience.













However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact. Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages.




Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others. Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired.

Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life.

[Enneagram Type 4] Type 9 and type 4 relationships

However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take. Both want to find a deep connection with the other, and yet, both also want a certain degree of autonomy and insist on a very real degree of privacy. Both Fours and Nines can be highly creative, and as a pair they enthusiastically support the other's creativity and give the other a good deal of space in which to develop their talents.

Both are idealistic and want to connect deeply with someone, feeling that they are on a search for their soul mate, the one person in the world with whom they can completely connect and be themselves. Both Fours and Nines also bring a sensuality and love of comfort that is noteworthy; this may express itself in their lifestyle, traveling habits, and in their sexual and other intimate activities.

enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship

This is a couple that likes to stay in bed all Sunday morning, reading the papers and talking. Each brings passion and an appreciation of the other coupled with a desire to be comfortable and build a life with the other. Fours can make Nines become more intense and expressive about how they feel, while Nines can allow Fours to feel understood and accepted for who they are. Fours are good at naming feelings and pinpointing emotional states; Nines are good at creating an atmosphere of nonjudgmental acceptance, Nines may even enjoy the emotional storms and dramas that Fours occasionally get into, feeling that it adds spice to their life together.

A lot of the pleasure and passion of this couple is nonverbal in the depth of the understanding that each has for the other. Potential Trouble Spots or Issues The biggest area of conflict between Fours and Nines is that each tends to react differently as stress increases: Fours become more emotionally volatile and demanding, while Nines become more disengaged and impossible to get through to.

enneagram type 4 and 9 relationship