Are you too harsh on your kids?

As a woman sometimes we do feel we have got the bigger brunt of the marriage. As it is some are performing a juggling act between work and home and vice versa. Often in our life we have a source of stress …

  • which could exist in the form of a deadline
  • as in most cases a human being . It is more common than we would care to admit . It might as well be an authority or colleague at the workplace or most cases someone in a relationship with us
  • some illness or nutritional deficiency
  • Not to undermine how taxing looking after little kids can be with all the work and responsibilities involved . Whatever be the source , stress is the constant . Howsoever we handle it is our prerogative .


Unfortunately sometimes the ones getting the brunt of this is our children

After this I would ask myself the following questions :

  • Am I reacting because I am more surprised by her actions ?
  • Am I judging her behavior by my expectation ?
  • Would I be angry over this if I was not so busy or tired ?
  • Am I unconsciously being a discriminating parent ?
  • Am I directing my anger I have over someone towards my kid?

Many a times as a parent we forget that our children are different and unique individuals so they are at times bound to behave differently from how we expect them to. As a parent it is also essential that we try to understand why our children behave the way they do. M ost children  possess a reservoir of enery within them which needs to be tapped and further directed towards constructive processes which can allow them to grow and in turn feel satisfied. Thus a child must usually have at his disposal some activity or engagement which is exciting for his /her intellect but neither too challenging nor too under-stimulating. Unless they have something to keep them engaged, their is no way we can expect them to not be usually at their most irritable  . Needless to say if a parent is being too harsh or impatient with their kid, it could in future be the  reason for any type of behavioral disorder that the child might end  up with .When a child is consistently chided or talked down upon, their are certain behavioral problems it may grow up with such as

  • feelings of inadequacy
  • lack of confidence
  • become rebellious
  • developing negative traits like indifference and cruelty
  • poor productivity in school and life in general

Although as most parents will vouch for it so will I. Sometimes children can be the greatest mischief makers around and they need to be a little disciplined, however shouting or yelling at them  is certainly not the answer. Hitting should certainly not be. Their are so many ways of dealing with kids and their tantrums. Ignoring is the best in my book. Each parent will have their own ideas and whatever works best for their child.

Next time we are trying to tame our child we could try talking to them. Communication plays a great role in shaping the young minds and in turn their behavior. As a parent their are a few things we can certainly avoid such as

  1. Criticizing or blaming children or being judgmental
  2. Too much lecturing, ordering or threatening children
  3. using sarcasm, name-calling or put-down
  4. Impatient behavior
  5. Diminishing Praise eg. You are drawing well but your choice of colors are not good.

However each parent have their own ideas at dealing with their kids. If for example a child is usually defiant ,one may try explaining to them in a firm voice the consequences of their action.For example if the child is trying to run off to the street while playing at the park. We can tell them,”If you play on the street a car might run you over.” or “Do not wander off or you may get lost. We would not want to lose you.” We can always try to reason out a little.

Remember a good parent is not born knowing everything nor is it something to be learnt at a school or through being someone’s apprentice but it is  one who is reflective of their actions and willing to make changes as and when required. Only a progressive individual with an open mind can rectify their faults and weaknesses. If we are constantly impatient and busy hollering at the little people , we are likely to cause more damage than we can ever realise. So its a sign that we are a better parent if:

  1. we are thoughtful
  2. reflective
  3. willing to rectify our ill-habits such as yelling, hurtful speech or even actions.
  4. Constantly re-inventing our parenting habits

Whatever you do , it should not be forgotten that children are never going to be little nor are they going to stay with us ,forever. Enjoy the phase while it lasts. And by the time you know it they will grow up and  be too busy making their own lives. Be a good role model as a parent for more than you know it they will be replicating you as parents themselves. Be a fair one!


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