He wants you dead, not wounded.

Are you ready to die? If not, please don’t even be suspected of committing crimes in Kern County. Not only do they have the highest per capita rate of killings by police officers -- 3.54 per 100,000 residents, why yes, that IS a lot! -- they also have one of the most bloodthirsty sheriffs in America.

Meet Sheriff Donny Youngblood, who has been maliciously lingering in Kern County as the Don Mega of suspicious civilian deaths during his decade-long tenure. The wise and kindly sheriff enjoys nothing more than mentoring officers and teaching them many ways to save money for Kern County.

Here is a bit of economic advice he gave to a group from the Kern County Detention Officers Association in 2006, “When a deputy shoots someone in the streets, which way do you think is better financially—to cripple them or kill them—for the county?” After receiving the desired response of “Kill them!” he replies, “Absolutely. Because if we cripple them we get to take care of them for life, and that cost goes way up.” But if there's a "bad shooting" and someone dies? "Three million, and the family goes away." (Youngblood is the Actual Devil.)

See, kids? You have to kill the suspect so they can’t tell anybody that they were just standing around and minding their business when they were set upon by savage sheriffs. It kinda raises the question, "Why not simply stop shooting so many people?" but we all know the answer to that. Shooting people is American Tradition.

Unfortunately for the sheriff, and the dead people who have been shot by the Sheriff's Department since 2006, the Kern County Detention Officers Association decided to hold onto the tape for 12 damn years.

There is hope for the residents, do not fear! Sheriff Youngblood has acquired a challenger for his seat who is not above using everything he possibly can to wrest power from Donny Death-eater. Donny is not pleased, and believes that he is innocent, his remarks were taken out of context, and he “never inferred that we should shoot to kill” because he is a murderer of English as well as Kern County residents.

This time the unions are backing Justin Fleeman, and Sheriff Youngblood seriously does not appreciate how mean he is being by repeating things that the Sheriff clearly said on camera.

[The Root /]

Wonkette is ad-free and supported SOLELY by readers like you. Will you kick in for the new writers we're picking up, like this one miss, Wonderbitch? Thank you kindly.




How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc