Friday, March 7, 2014

How are you? NOT

     Kay, so I was thinking about the question "How are you?" today and I got kinda frustrated. It seems like when people ask me how I am, or anyone how they are, they don't actually want to know. They're just making polite conversation. And if you actually tell someone how you are when you're really crappy, they back away slowly. Or even if you're really happy and you're telling them why you're really happy, they back away.

     Why ask the question if you don't want to know the answer? Like seriously, you're asking me what the state of my wellbeing is and expect me to answer with "good" or "tired". My state of wellbeing can almost never be summed up with "tired" or "good". And if I tell you that I've actually had a really bad day and am feeling down and hate life and just want to curl up with my Salt and Vinegar potato chips and watch Dr. Who or The Holiday, you don't know what to say and we have this super awkward pause in the conversation.

     I noticed this particularly with a friend of mine. She had been crying and going through a really rough time and I was listening to everything that was going crappy in her life. We got up to leave where we were sitting, she washed her face and we left. Then, right outside, we ran into someone who greeted her and asked her how she was doing. She smiled and responded that she was doing good. Then the lady smiled, told her that she was happy she was doing well and kept walking.

Seriously? You could tell that she had just been crying! And you're just going to keep walking?!

Are we truly that self centred that we don't even want to know how others are doing because we don't want to listen to their problems or comfort that?

And this whole issue with that question leads to two problems.

One, people act "good" because they feel like they can't be anything else. If they want people to like them, they must be happy and good and convinced that the world is wonderful. So they put on a smile when they're going through hell and try and make us all believe that they're fine. They desperately want to be liked and are convinced that if they actually acted how they were feeling, no one would.

Two, people truly don't care. They don't want to know how you're doing. They are selfishly focused on their own problems and are stuck feeling sorry for themselves. Sometimes people are so messed up and broken that they have a really hard time comforting others. I get that; there have been times when I haven't really wanted to listen to someone else's problem because my problems felt so huge that if someone else handed me their problems, I would crash. But if you "just don't care" or "don't have the time", something is wrong.

I'm fed up with this.

So today, I am deciding to do two things.

First, to stop acting. If people ask me how I am, I am going to tell them how I really am. If I am over the moon and so happy, I'll tell them. If I'm having a crappy day, I'll tell them. Not necessarily dump all my life problems on them, but at least inform them that no, I am not good. And if they back away slowly, so be it.

Second, to actually care. I want to listen to other's problems and have them feel like I'm a safe place to let go. When I ask people how they're doing and they tell me they're good, I want to be able to say, "No, really, how are you?" and actually listen to the answer.

Okay, I think I'm done my rant. It's safe to come out now. :)

Word of the Day

lollapalooza \lol-uh-puh-LOO-zuh\, noun:


  1. That was eye-opening. I never actually thought about the phrase "How are you doing?" like that. But I think you're right. For most people, it may just be a way of making polite conversation, but sometimes just pretending to care isn't enough. If we're going to ask it, we should at least be prepared to hear the actual answer.

  2. I would agree with what you are saying. It seems like there is pressure in the our current day to put on an appearance of happiness, regardless if it is really there or not. But I do think that being honest with your true inner emotions with yourself and others is the first step to living a full life. Have a wonderful day!

    -Riley XO

  3. Hey you'd be perfect to do my survey!! It's about new music.. it would be great if you could help out. Love the blog and would really appreciate your feedback. Thank you xx