Preach loud truth
420 blaze it Tollers
Jam session
Ceiling Lolkien
Shoot the Tolkpedo
Poke the Heretic
Chaika? Yes Chaika

How Tolkien Saved a Writer with Butter

How J.R.R. Tolkien's ghost saved a writer from the certain end of his career, using butter.


It was a grey, depressing day in November 2004. Bob Mostlyokaystorywriter was on a train, but he was in great distress. He was a writer, and he clutched a manuscript that he had to enter into a writing competition until 12:00 AM precisely. If he were only one minute late, the entry would be rejected, and his last hope for a career would be gone!

However, the train was late! He would have arrived in Northeast Westsussex with five minutes to spare, but the train had been delayed ten minutes in Middlesex Inner Central Middlestation! He would not make it!

In his despair, Bob Mostlyokaystorywriter prayed to J.R.R. Tolkien. "Oh holy Tolkien", he exclaimed. "My writing is not worthy of thee, although mostly okay. Still, it is the best I can do. Therefore I implore thee: make me arrive in time!"

And J.R.R. Tolkien heard him! Suddenly the skies opened, and rays of heavenly butter shot down! The butter rays hit the rails and greased them! The train slid faster on the grease! Bob Mostlyokaystorywriter arrived with one minute to spare. His entry was accepted, and he won the competition!

"Thank you, oh holy Tolkien!" Bob Mostlyokaystorywriter exclaimed. Later, he made a pilgrimage to Oxford and put twenty-nine pounds of butter on Tolkien's grave as an offering.

Butter (symbolic picture)
Butter (symbolic picture)

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