Hello everyone.

"Am I the only one wishing life away? Never caught up in the moment busy begging the past to stay." 

When I first listened to Dodie Clark's song 'When' (which I suggest everyone to listen to!) and heard this line, I was hooked. I found a song that I could relate to. 

I'm always wishing that I could be older, out of college, working as a teacher and living my life. I'm basically wishing my life away, but at the same time, I would go back to certain parts of my past in a heart beat. It's confusing, but I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling like this.

Life is confusing. It's just something that we have to go through, we don't get a choice in the matter. We do, hoewever, get the choice of how we want to live it. Everyone goes about living their life their own way, and that's what makes us all individual. Some people are still living in the past, others refuse to look to the future, while some can't wait to see what life has in store for them. 

I'm only 21, and I feel older than I am but yet I still feel way too young to be in the position I am in in my life at the moment. I'm not ready to be a qualified teacher in two years, but yet I can't wait to leave college and start living that dream. I get fed up of nights out at the weekend, but yet I'm the first one to organise a mad session. I feel way more mature than others my age, and yet I'm still an immature child at times. 

I've always wondered when I'm going to start feeling the age I am, or at least feel like I'm at the right point in my life to just slow down and take each day as it comes, waiting for life to take it's course, stopping to just appreciate where I am and who I am. Don't get me wrong; I am completely happy with who I am and my family and friends. 
I'm just sick of waiting around. I'm sick of waiting for 'the one' and for my life to finally take shape as a teacher. 
But that's life. And there's nothing that can be done about it, except wait

"I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love  oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when."

Until next time.
Fifs xo

P.S. This blog post took an unexpected turn. I listened to this song and just felt such a connection to it that I had to write something. But I honestly didn't know where it was heading. I just wrote what I felt. Sorry for the rambles and deep and meaningful stuff throughout the post. That's just me.

*UPDATE* After reading this through a few times and reading a comment, I realised that some people might take this post a bit too literal. Mainly the part where I say I've given up on waiting for 'the one.' I know I'm only 21, and I'm not saying that I've given up on love. It's just annoying having to wait. I want to be at that point in my life right now. And I do realise I have to wait, but that's what this post is kind of about. It's about me not wanting to wait around for life to come at me. I hope that makes more sense. 

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  1. I have to ask, why do you say you are waiting for the one?
    Like realistically no one knows that the person they are with is the one. All you can do is take a risk, see how it goes and see how it develops, you are never going to find that one person who matches you perfectly or who is your prince charming, cause you will clash with them on many things. All you can do is except the good things of a person along with the bad things and grow to love them.... you seem from what I have read in other posts, to be stuck in waiting for this "the one" do you ever take a risk and go for someone who isn't your type, or that someone in your class that you talk to on an on off occasion? Those relationships could be the one to surprise you. Often we are told in movies that, "love happens out of no where and you find the one unexpectedly" and I agree with this. The person you think mightnt work for you could be the one!
    Stop looking for the one, you are 21!! You will meet some assholes, who you want but could be the worst thing for you, but could pass off the person who is perfect for you cause they are too nice. Stop looking and go with it!!!
    Also no one knows where they are going in their life.... there scared of the future and would love to live in some aspects of the past. But as you said life goes on. Your not the only one lost and confused in what is to come, everyone has it, it's not just you.

    Just live your life and stop waiting, if you feel you are more mature than those around you find people on the same level as yourself who knows who you could meet.

    Just try and stop over complicating your life and creating problems and drama out of nothing. Sounds cliche, "but just go with it".... stop fretting and stop waiting, move on in your life and meet new and wonderful people who could be better for you and who could guide you in your life from their experiences too.

    Just stop waiting for the one, cause you nor I or anyone else will know at the age of their early 20s if they have found the one! So stop! Take a back seat and stop rushing your life!

    1. I get where you're coming from and I've written a little updated section in this post explaining what I meant. I really do appreciate your advice though, whether you meant for it to be advice or not :)

  2. Stop waiting for anything or anyone and just take one day at a time, and live it to the fullest. You are the most important person in your life. You are 'the one'. Love yourself and you'll never be lonely. It's all about the journey. Just be yourself everyday. Notice all the little things around you, and you're life will change for the better!