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19 August 2016

PizzaQ! What does this incomprehensible text want from me? / Click Here to be administered a colonoscopy in Sofia / Oriental Fiends from long ago doin stuff to unconscious young white girls

Christopher Lee as Fu Manchu carrying a young 
attractive unconscious Caucasian female. 
 Click for more Evil. (Getty foto.)

bahis siteleri has left a new comment on your [VleeptronZ] post "magma tube connecting Eyjafjallajökull and Katla v...":

Teknolojinin hızla ilerlemesi ile birlikte günümüzde artık bahis severlerin odak noktası olan online bahis sitelerine ulaşmak çok kolay. Oturduğunuz yerden dilediğiniz gibi para yatırma ve para kazanma yöntemleri, Bedava Free Bonus Veren Bahis Siteleri spor alanlarında çeşitlilik ve canlı bahis için çığır açan makul oranlarlabirlikte bu bahis bürosu örnek teşkil etmektedir. Siteye yeni üye olacaksınız ve daha önce bu oyunlar hakkında bilginiz yok. 


Well, Roman alphabet is a nice start, give or take a few diacritical vowels and consonants.

Right away I ain't never seen no Indo-Euro lingo what looked anything like this. So I guess Finno-Ugrik. And more daring than that, I say Turkish. (Or Ajzerbaijani -- they're real close, but the pilot announces proudly and happily to the Turkish passengers: "The plane is falling. The plane is falling ...")

If nobody leaves a comment Yea or Nay, I'll run this incomprehensible text thru a Robot and see what my Silicon Assistants make of it.

But it seems very clear that Somebody Somewhere had Something He/She/It wanted to say or sell to me. (There's a link. Ask me discreetly for it. I make no guarantees that horrible things won't happen if you click it.)

We're talking Levantines here, maybe Lascars. Fu Manchu used to employ Dacoits to do skullduggery. Or perhaps Bulgarians, whose head movements for YES and NO are exactly backwards from the way you and everybody you know head-wiggles to say NO and YES. If you don't know this about Bulgarians, you could get married or a colonoscopy.

If you decode this text from bahis siteleri 1/2 large with Greek string cheese. If you used a TranslatorBot, tell the Ministry of Pizza which one.


Mike Stone said...

You're right. It's Turkish.

Vleeptron Dude said...

Mike wins the Greek string cheese pizza!

You did that nifty trick once before, a long time ago, but with a lingo in an entirely different and distant part of Eurasia. You must make a great world travel translator.

btw at big summer linguistic conferences, there are always fistfights between scholars about whether Korean is a Finno-Ugrik lingo. Leave a Comment if you have an opinion on this conjecture, or if you just want to duke it out in the parking lot in bow ties.

I got to say, they been making Fu Manchu movies since the silents (pre-1929), but my all-time fave is Christopher Lee. One with Boris Karloff and Myrna Loy was so perverted and steamy that they couldn't show it for about 5 years. (Her geboren name was strictly whitebread, but they re-named her Loy to specialize in Gorgeous Exotic Asian Babes.)

Actors will all tell you that they much prefer to play Evil Villain. That's where all the fun is, and Evil Villain is the guy the audience remembers and has nightmares about for years -- they immediately forget Dirk Squarejaw, Ace Pilot, Royal Canadian Air Corps.

Emperor Ming the Merciless XXIII of Planet Mongo is a total sleazy ripoff of Saxe Rohmer's Fu Manchu -- you can show the fiendish cruelty of Ming the Mongonian without offending Real Authentic Earth Asians. Fu Manchu is to real Asians as Shylock or Fagen is to real Jews. Best Ming Ever: Max von Sydow. Best Flash Gordon music score: same flick, Queen.

The b&w first movie Ming was Charles Middleton, a former carnival barker. He was Profoundly Evil, in act and Evil Stare. You really didn't ever want to piss off, betray or disappoint this Ming.

But nobody remembers Flash himself, or the actor who played him. All he ever does is Save Earth and Rescue Dale Arden, whom Ming is always trying to drug and then marry. And he always tells the truth and keeps his promise.

In Canada, government efforts to ban marijuana alleged that Asian men (mostly Chinese, but anybody from East Asia, they're all after the same thing) gave it to white Christian virgins to loosen their Moral Fiber, and then violate them without first marrying them. In the USA, Mexican men introduce our Caucasian virgins to the Devil Weed for the same purpose. Opium is also very effective.

One time in the old Flash serial Ming threw Flash into the Uranium Furnace and made him and many other unhappy men shovel Uranium for much too long. That was cool because at the time, circa 1930, nobody knew about Uranium's many big nifty tricks. Oh, the shovel guys -- it was so hot -- sweated and wore very few clothes. Females upstairs in Ming's court also wore as few clothes as the Hayes Office would allow.

In "At the Circus," Eve Arden has hidden a wallet in her cleavage, and Groucho looks at the audience and says: "Now how am I going to get that wallet and still get this movie through the Hayes Office?"

I think it's been suggested more than once that "Independence Day" (its ID-2 was just released) is a celebration of hatred and genocide for all Asians and Africans, but it's okay because they're not real Asians and Africans, they're from a Very Bad faraway Planet. We can kill as many as we want without feeling racist. We're saving Human Earth, we get big hero medals when they're all dead.

Vleeptron Dude said...


Historically, Chinese did not smoke or become addicted to opium, it was known, used in "Arab medicine," but its use as an intoxicant was very rare.

British particularly bought Chinese tea, but offered nothing for sale the Chinese wanted, so, to improve this trade imbalance, the British grew opium in India and Afghanistan, and took it to China to addict and sell to the Chinese. The British Navy fought two Opium Wars to force Imperial China to allow European opium merchants to sell a treaty quote of opium. The biggest near-monopoly in the opium trade was Jardine & Matheson. They're still around, still rich, fancy website, but haven't grown or sold opium for a century or so. They were headquarted in Hong Kong, but when the Real Chinese took it over in 1999, J&M skeedaddled elsewhere, far beyond the influence or criminal arm of China.

Apologies for all factual wrongs, I wrote all this from memory without my usual obsessive-compulsive fact-checking.

Vleeptron Dude said...

Wait a sec ... not so fast with the pizza.

The Ministry of Pizza also wanted to know what the guy was trying to say or sell or convert me to. Halvah? An app? Neo-Pythagorean Pantheism? (You scoff ... but I can PROVE every part of MY belief system, no Faith required!)

Don't make me ask my dumb TranslatorBot. It's all Greek to it. (Greeks themselves say: "It's all Chinese to me.")

Mike Stone said...

I didn't want to ruin everybody else's fun. It's an online gambling site that they would like you to take your business to. I'd suggest against it.

Vleeptron Dude said...


Vleeptron Dude's first clue was that the cyphertext was written in (something very close to) our (USA or UK/Commonwealth) Roman Alphabet.

Until the overthrow of the Ottoman Empire, Turkish was written in the Arabic alefba (? -- we've had this fight before, I'm probably wrong). Arabic is a member of the Semitic language family, Turkish is Finno-Ugrik, but Ottoman Turkey used the Quran's (right-to-left) Arabic notation.

Kamal Ataturk, an officer hero of the Ottoman army during World War I, overthrew the Ottoman Sultanate and the new government introduced huge changes. Ataturk specifically wanted new Turkey to closely resemble the (victorious) European powers like Britain and France. Step 1 was the Roman alphabet. Step 2 was to transform Turkey from a Muslim-based theocracy into the Muslim world's first Secular government -- a parliamentary democratic government which respected the majority Muslim religion, but removed Muslim clerics from all governmental ruling powers.

So from circa 1924 to Now, the unique centerpiece of Turkey was that it was a Western-style secular government disconnected from religious authority. Ataturk embodied all these revolutionary changes, he became Turkey's George Washington and Abraham Lincoln rolled into one.

Erdogan (pronounced UR-do-Wan) is the first Turkish leader since 1924 to try to de-secularize Turkey and restore religious (Muslim) authority to governance. He has been doing this slowly and steadily for a decade on his mandate from winning democratic elections.

But last month's failed military coup, followed by a mass purge and imprisonment of the military, the judiciary and government, and an indefinite imposition of martial law and suspension of civil liberties has likely ended almost a century of Secular democratic rule in Turkey.

moNGO and NostraBobus are reading the tea leaves and gazing into the Magic 8-Ball. Signs Point To Not Good.

Now if Mike would be so good as to explain how it came to be that he can read Turkiyish ...