Sunday, December 28, 2008

The New York State Annie Riots

If you feel like you're getting the credit you've earned, you're probably getting more than you deserve.

The Annies came of age feeling they got no credit, no respect and little more than scorn.

You can bet your bottom dollar that when cuddly little urchins grow into motley Miss Hannigans or, worse yet, Bette Davis' Baby Janes, it does not make for a pretty sight nor for stable mentalities on the parts of former Annies, Peppers, Mollys, Julys, Tessies, Duffys, Abbys, Sunnys, Isabellas, CCs, Candys and Kates.

Bitter and despondent before the economic meltdown, when it came, the Annies were of the opinion that they'd not only warned of it, they were experts on the topic thanks to the number "We'd Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover."

All might have ended there with the Annies just whining but for a planned reunion in honor of the thirtieth anniversary of the Annie touring companies. Though it should have taken place in the spring, it was agreed that a December 26th NYC meet-up would allow for some incredible bargain shopping. It was following that, the cruelest shopping day of all, that the Annies arrived back at their Cobleskill motel, tired and angry. Cobleskill because the Super 8 gave them a group discount and agreed to pro-rate their late check-outs the following Monday.

There, in the parking lot, a road company Pepper suggested action. Not just road company, actually but a bus-and-truck tour Pepper. The bus-and-truck tour cast was the hardest of the hardened. They never got a photo-op with a single mayor of NYC nor kicked up their heels at Radio City Music Hall. Those gals were beyond tough.

"Let's fire bomb Macy's!" cried the now 33-year-old Pepper clad in tattered, faded 'orphan' clothes and theatre make up. "After what they did to Joanna Pacitti, they've got it coming!"

A chant of "Today we're all Joanna Pacitti!" thundered through the parking lot and thus began the New York State Annie Riots.

Following the fire bombing of Macy's, the Annies decided to continue their reign of terror and the first stop was the Alvin Theatre where so many hopes were initially raised. They charged into mid-town Manhattan snarling "New Deal For Christmas" but, not being particularly well read or informed, the Annies stumbled up and down W 52nd never grasping it had been renamed The Neil Simon Theatre.

In desperation, it was decided to trash every NYC location Sex In The City had ever filmed at.

"Sarah Jessica Parker couldn't sing and she wasn't pretty!" hollered a 1979 Molly. "Her career should have been mine!"

With shouts of agreement, they divided Manhattan into four quadrants, split into four teams and set about defacing various locales while chanting "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile."

New York governor David Paterson rushed to reassure the state's residents that all was calm.

"New York remains," Paterson declared, "90% a democracy."
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