Doc’s Corner: “Lets Teach Them CPR” Edition

(First and foremost, welcome to Doc’s Corner….you will not like it, and it will happen weekly. In these dispatches I will be speaking in a version of “veteran” with a FortCampbellese dialect in most of these posts. And yes, there will be swearing and I will trigger some. Lets begin.)

Jesus Harold Christ on a thin MRE wafer…Okay people gather around, horseshoe formation on me…GO! Alright take a knee and shut your sucks cuz ole Doc is gonna school ya.

As you all are aware, there was a demonstration across the U.S. demanding gun reform called March For Our Lives.  This march was a youth-led protest demanding comprehensive gun reform after the U.S.’s latest trend of school shootings in Parkland, Florida where a gunman killed 17 children attending school at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

Personally, I did attend this event in Dallas and I could give two burnt bakers fucks if this triggers some of you. Especially some of you who I or my medics have treated for “dirty noodles” by “rodding you off the range”(civilian friends this means that they have been treated for an STD) more than once.

You can’t even keep yourself from sticking your primary weapon system(I’m talking about dirty penis’s…or penii..whatever) in a dirty hole. So, I think it best that you keep your opinions about my guns to yourself.

Moving on, there was something I heard from an elected official on Sunday that gave me the ass and has me going “Old Sarge” today more than rogue cigarette butts on my lawn is this little soundbite.


What. The. Actual. FUCK! OVER!

The mental midget that said this was none other than former Pennsylvania Republican Senator and two-time presidential nominee failure and gun industry champ, Rick Santorum.

Okay lets break Rick’s wholly ignorant utterance down.

Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation, or CPR, is the absolute last thing you do in a mass casualty gun or blast trauma situation, Ricky. You see when you preform CPR you are depressing (or pushing down for you 11-BangBangs) on the center of the chest to manually pump blood through an otherwise non-functioning heart.

The point is to circulate oxygen carrying red blood cells (RBC’s) to the main body systems that continue life, such as the brain.

CPR compression ratio is 30:2. That means, Ricky that one must compress the chest 30 times then open the airway and breath air into the lungs of the victim twice(2).

Its time consuming and in a mass casualty triage scenario is a “black card” meaning the victim is expectant, or near death and would be a waste of precious time and resources and you move on to someone you can help and has a better chance to live. That’s what medics face in these scenarios. Making those types of decisions about their friends and teammates.

That won’t fuck up a kid or teacher at all!

Another blaring point here Rick is this.

Doing CPR does nothing if you don’t stop the blood from leaving the body. Blood loss is very bad unabated (that means it isn’t being stopped 11B’s…pay attention!). This leads to hypovolemia or hypovolemic shock. (Hypo means less of something…in this case blood.)

If you don’t stop the bleeding then all you are doing is pumping out the victims blood faster and thus…killing them way faster.

In combat, you do not do CPR in the field or mass casualty(MASS-CAL) situation. As the medic you must be able to triage your guys accordingly and if needed move on to someone you can save, Ricky.

Are you getting it now how dumb that was to say? I mean I know you need that NRA money…but fuck man…think!

What needs to be trained is combat casualty care under fire. That means we must enter into all schools curriculum a condensed version of “Tactical Combat Casualty Care,” or TCCC.

We must teach how to apply and utilize tourniquets, field dressing bullet-stab-blast wounds, and direct pressure to said wounds to keep that blood in the victim and hopefully alive until trained tactical units like SWAT or ERT can get on station and assault the building. Then have the paramedics on standby get in and get them out to higher echelons of trauma care.

We must teach educators and select student leaders casualty triage as well as hard-pointing or hardening classrooms for casualty collection points so trained teachers and students can gather at to receive gun shot victims or simply their fellow classmates and friends to triage and if they can, treat the ones who will have a better chance to live.

If we are not going to come together as a nation of independent free men and women and try to figure out what the hell needs to be done and just throw insults at one another, or call a teen a “Skinhead Lesbian” for standing up for what she and alot of others believe in.

Then we must train our children to survive in a war zone until we figure out the value of human life in this country.

You see, Pretty Ricky, that shit there is what the you should have said. Instead you just came across as a giant asshat of the Congressional-led apocalypse that you are very much apart of and created.

From Parkland to Afghanistan, y’all have gotten real comfortable with the deaths of other peoples kids.

Rick, I suggest you drink water, change your socks, face out, take a knee, and pull security on this one. You have said something so ignorant that I am questioning my loyalty to the Steeler Nation after it…..

..okay that is taking it too far, I’m not a child. Seriously though Rick shut the fuck up and stop adding to the divisiveness of this country. I highly doubt you know how to shoot let alone can with your manicured facade of “Patriot.”

So, don’t jump into the combat trauma medicine lane, kid. You won’t like how that ends.

Get off my lawn.