I hadn’t realized how good I looked without my glasses. Meaning, if I don’t have my glasses on when I look in mirror I appear better to myself than with them on.  I didn’t fully realize that until lately, with my new prescription glasses. When I tried on the frames in the store, naturally they are just plastic lenses so one has to get close to mirror to figure out if the frames suit. Yet one gets the general sense of it, whether the frame shape and color work with one’s face. And good to get a second opinion.

So today I tried on my new glasses. As I really looked at the glasses and myself I realized  this image seems more detailed and lined than this morning. What happened to the softer version I’m used to seeing? I need glasses for farsightedness so I rarely wear them at home. I guess I rarely see myself through the  corrected vision. Actually a photograph is the only other way and I guess few of those are close ups.

No doubt others have more experience with my face than I do. They’ve seen the changes occur over time, and are familiar with how the lines and skin move when I’m animated or still. I don’t. I know what it feels like to be on the inside looking out, or what age I may or may not feel on any given day.  The face in the mirror is changing and today I saw it more clearly and in more detail. Granted my face was just looking, not animated. A face has beauty when it has life and is expressive, which most of us don’t see in ourselves, in those real authentic moments when we are out in the world, living and being.

Change is life. I remember my Uncle saying when he was in his late 80s, that he felt he was the same person inside. He felt the same as he always had throughout his life, yet when he caught sight of himself in the mirror he was shocked, like “Who is that old guy?”  What he saw in the mirror got farther and farther from how he still felt inside.  I can imagine now how that could be.  Part of Uncle’s approach was to avoid mirrors.

I feel like my spirit and heart benefit from the longer I live as I have more time to be in quest mode, and grow, practice and become aware. That can feel like a lightness in my heart and spirit. I am much lighter in my heart than I was 30 years ago, hands down. The physical self responds differently to time and gravity.  I remember hearing “Youth is wasted on the young”. I think they meant the physical body part of youth.

Maybe I’ll just continue without my glasses when I look in the mirror, or embrace all the changes life brings, loving what is. Or do both. Probably best to do both.

How Many Acts?

Earlier I’d written about our lives divided into 3 acts, like a play, and the third act makes sense of the first two. That was from a book Jane Fonda wrote. It was the first I’d heard of that description, and I found it an interesting consideration.

Now there’s a documentary coming out on Fonda’s life. It refers to the Five Acts in her life, reorganizing the film material into an act for her father and each of  her three husbands, with the fifth being her relationship with herself. At 81 she claims she never felt better, and is grateful for each step and act that led her to this moment.

I recently returned from visiting my mother, who celebrated her 95th birthday. The night I arrived, she told me she had watched a show and in the discussion about the book The Power of Now. The interview covered how our strong reactions or negative interpretation of what people say may actually be coming from how we think, and not necessarily what they mean. And we can have body pain associated with that.

Mom went on to describe a personal example and how watching this show helped her to  decide to change her behavior. She could see how her reaction got in the way of meeting new people in her retirement village. WOW. She called it a teachable moment, the student was ready to learn. I guess this conversation amazed me and warmed my heart. In the days that followed I experienced her changed reaction in some of our dealings, what sometimes could be defensive, now felt loving. Ahhh like a beautiful breeze.

So how many acts in life do we experience I wonder? Life and living look different from the generation before. The path ahead isn’t forged. It unfolds.

And we have some mighty ageilicious women sharing their way.


Being Inspired

Some of us “over 60’s” were talking about how inspiration and hope come from different sources now. Who doesn’t want to feel excited by an idea, person, or situation? And at this age, many of the things that excited or inspired us we have already accomplished, and that feeling of firsts isn’t there either. We’ve had our first kiss, first job, first car, first home etc etc. We also have enough experience in certain areas like the complicated work project we survived, that we don’t need more of it. We have learned, so it doesn’t provide that level of inspiration of a new opportunity. Or at least not for me.

I’ve delved into many kinds of projects, productions, relationships, travel and work cultures in the past 4 decades,and taken risks of many sorts to learn about work, love, and life. My path and question now seems to be, and often has been I suppose, is what is the new spark that I can ignite for myself that includes my desire for purpose and a feeling of contribution?

What sparks us over time may change. Or maybe due to our own growth over our lives, naturally the spark or what sparks us will have to be different? We can’t necessarily come back to something later that excited us and find it again. I think opportunities come to us at specific times in our lives, like certain jobs, travel, relationships, family choices etc. Either we act on them or we do not. Time marches on. Going back isn’t always possible, and the way the world is changing, we might not find that exact place again anyway. (Yes I know some folks go looking for their high school sweethearts decades later, find them and marry. I imagine that is a good spark.)

I’ve learned that some folks love to keep busy even if it is just to be in motion. Maybe they are bored, so being on the move, even to the shopping mall, can feel like something is happening versus feeling antsy, confused, or seeking. I can appreciate doing something to shift one’s mood. I do it too sometimes, but if I feel I’m using it to distract myself from my feeling, especially a feeling of wanting focus/purpose/spark, then I do choose quiet vs activity as a way to hopefully gain insight.

It is possible creative people, and innovators, people in pursuits that require their creativity to make something new from scratch, often find themselves in periods of inspiration, implementation, rest and restless. To use a farming analogy, it is like a cycle we go through; composting, fertilizing, planting, harvesting and then laying fallow for a while. Then it starts again.

Often when I’m in that fallow stage I wonder if I’m done with inspiration or being able to find that something new feeling. That’s how it can hit me in that moment, that this is the feeling from now on.

Yet as a younger person, I would feel that way after an inspired period, the idea or plan was implemented and completed. After that large effort, like the land, it seems important to allow ourselves to embrace these stages of life’s growth, including replenishing our energy, trusting the fallow stage, imagining something good will emerge from it like being inspired by a new thing. It can come. We just need stay open to the possibilities. It is a process. May we be patient and enjoy this new territory.