
h a l f b a k e r y



account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Absinthe Black Light Indicator

Cut through green winter fog with a purple phazer
(+2, -7)
  [vote for,

While over at a neighbor's rural residence in the frozen hills last night, a few other guests were trying out his new "quad", a four wheel, wide tire, all-terrain vehicle in the two feet of fresh snow.

The neighbor said that the riders' enthusiasm for the quad was fuelled by a volatile liquid called Absinthe, a recent ritual he and his friends had acquired.

So he gave me a few shots of Absinthe and he showed me the controls on the quad, a go-cart with huge tires. I got on and felt like an immediate expert which he explained was a small side effect of the Absinthe.

I tore off into the adjacent wooded hillside, following faint tracks of the past riders until they disappeared, then I ended up on the edge of a cliff and had to lean to one side from stop from falling over as I inched across a narrow flat spot. Once I found a straightaway, I sped up, but it suddenly turned downhill and I started fishtailing as I shot along some bobsled type trough. In the heavy snowfall, I noticed that the headlight was starting to give me some sort of tunnel vision. The faster I went, the brighter the tunnel seemed to get until it was too bright to look straight ahead but then figures started to appear and looked familiar as I sped past them, then they became the faces of close friends and relatives reaching out to me, then they became religious figures in white robes pointing with sticks towards a pulsating ruby red traffic light.

That's when I pulled over and wrote down this idea. A black light or deep purple filtered headlight would minimize this tunnel effect. The beam would not collimate with this wavelength and would therefore display a more realistic wideangle view of the spectacle. It should be powered with a 50 watt xenon 30fps strobe to cut down the blur of the snow flakes as well.

When you drink, don't drive.

mensmaximus, Dec 31 2004


       "Purple phaze all in my eyes, uhh
Don’t know if it’s day or night
You got me blowin’, blowin’ my mind
Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time?"

       Intoxicants and machinery....hmmmmm, make your wisdom check.....
normzone, Dec 31 2004

       Is this idea just for a strobe light on a vehicle, or is it supposed to be of an ulraviolet wavelength as well? Xenon bulbs produce light with a spectrum very similar to the sun, not ultraviolet.
Aq_Bi, Dec 31 2004

       You may have wanted to wait for the absinthe to wear off before penning this idea. What on earth does "The beam would not collimate with this wavelength and would therefore display a more realistic wideangle view of the spectacle." mean?   

       Besides, you can't see UV light, so a blacklight headlight would be the same as driving qith no headlight at all, unless the snow where you live is flourescent.
5th Earth, Dec 31 2004

       I tink [mensmaximus] is an alien. Dis what ja people gyet for be-an two much a bingi pushi wid a ryaido wyaves. I'm glad you're still alive [mensmaximus]
Zimmy, Dec 31 2004

       I'm not so sure about the wavelength of Xenon light or anything but I thouroughly enjoyed your story [mensmaximus]. A bun to you and an 'up yours' to the nanny state.
kuatolives, Dec 31 2004

       Thanks, this really happened the other night but I left out the part where my neighbor, a huge real-life maximus type of roman guy put me on the back passenger seat first. Then he took me on a white light experience journey to hell through the bush that I will never forget.
mensmaximus, Dec 31 2004

       I think you can leave out the last paragraph. I may be from a colony, but like most of my neighbors, I've sped through rural countryside and hills at least once in my life.
dentworth, Dec 31 2004

       'I don't expect ******** to understand this story or even anyone in (changed to any particular part of america) for that matter but still,' is the paragraph that [Dentworth] refers to and is now removed. Guess i'm still sore about my ancestors losing the farm on Manhattan Island.
mensmaximus, Dec 31 2004

       I can understand the problem you are trying to solve, i've witnessed this tunnel vision turning to fantastic halucinations. According to history Absinthe hasn't led to scientific discoveries. Try tapping into your creative energies next time you try Absinthe. Be safe don't drink and drive.
offspect, Dec 31 2004


back: main index
