Thursday, January 24

the night laundry ruined my entire life

laundry is basically my worst nightmare.
i hate it with every fiber of my being.
like hate it so much that i'll let it pile up for weeks and then when i finally have to buckle down and do it because i should stop wearing the same pair of socks for three days there is literally so much laundry to do that i'm overwhelmed and just throw in the proverbial towel (because all the other ones are dirty) and lay on the couch.

but the other night shitler was all "are you ever going to do laundry?"  and i was all "maybe sometime."  and then he was all "well, this my last pair of socks so maybe sometime could be tonight."  and then i was like "OH MY GOD FINE."  
so after shitler left for bowling i begrudgingly headed to the basement.
down these harrowing steps.

yes - i risk my life every single time i drunk-do-laundry and lug clothes down this death trap.
after surviving the steps i headed to the wash machine and twisted the knob at least three times fully around and then pulled out the knobby thing.  but no water came out.  only this weird "murrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" sound.
so naturally - i fist pumped.
because the "murrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" sound meant frozen pipes and frozen pipes meant no doing laundry.
but then it dawned on me - i was on my last pair of underwear.  DRAT.
so a bottle of wine and a few hours of blasting the pipes with a tiny space heater later i was back in business.
three-quarters of the cycle later - out of business.  due to frozen pipes on the drainage end.
at this point - i'm basically convinced that the universe just doesn't want me to do laundry.  because now i'm forced to fish out my necessary undergarments out of gross, freezing cold water till my hands are basically frostbitten.  worst.night.ever.

but fear not - things have thawed since then.
both my hands and my pipes.

and some clothes are clean.  finally.

but this spaz keeps drooling all over everything and in turn giving me more laundry to do.
shut your drool mouth DOG

p.s. i finally found the one bra i own.  shockingly - it was at the bottom of a giant pile of dirty clothes.

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  1. 1) You could have just gone commando. How did that not even occur to you?
    2) YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BRA?!?!?! I literally have 20 something bras. Then again, I'm legit addicted to lingerie.

    Love it.


    1. HE SHOULD. that jackass.
      and yes - one bra. my brain explodes every time i have to buy one because they're so damn expensive.

      next time i'm just calling in sick to life and then i can strip down and be naked with no need for clothing.

  2. Dude. That is the scariest motherfucking basement I have ever seen in my LIFE. Seriously, I would poop my pants just standing at the top of those steps thus creating more laundry for me to do.

    Your dog is so freaking cute I want to smash his face in. And I mean that in the most loving of ways.

    1. I'm with Christi. If you Midwesterners insist on having basements, at least make sure they're not the SCARIEST FUCKING BASEMENT EVER. My God. I'd NEVER do laundry if I had to enter the lair of every horror flick's source of terror. Just stop it.

  3. your stairs frighten me. and frozen pipes... yikes! scary business all around.

    I won't lie... I hate laundry too with a passion. actually i don't care about washing/drying. it's the folding. i refuse to fold. my laundry room floor = one ginormous pile of clean clothes. if they are wrinkled, back in the dryer for a quick fluff.

  4. If I had your basement I would NEVER do laundry, because clearly a killer would be down there waiting for me. lol

  5. Just toss that shit down the stairs. No need to break yo neck.

    One bra Shannon? Do you just let the puppies fly or what???

    And I just pictured you.... with a 32oz if cranberry/vodka... fist pumpin down in a dark basement. Samm and I should be there with ya!

  6. Things I love about Florida: no basement. I'd never wear a bra if I wasn't convinced people can see my nipples at all times and tell Shitler to do his own laundry. Which is what I tell Zack everytime he complains...then he tells me to unload the dishwasher and I cry...

  7. This shitler guy sounds like a bad ass mother fucker.

    1. Shitler sounds like he needs to do his own damn laundry.

  8. I so much hate doing laundry. Not so much the putting it in the washer or dryer... but the after math of PUTTING IT THE FUCK AWAY. I hate it, so damn much! ughhhhh

  9. Whoa. Did you get your basement stairs from the set of a horror movie..?

  10. eek i could never do laundry in a place like that... it looks so scary down there! i'd probably just throw my clothes away when they get dirty.

    1. fun fact - i know a girl who just legit buys new clothes sometimes instead of doing laundry. she's basically me hero. i would do that if i could. but i'm broke.

  11. So yeah...I'm with Sam. Tell Shitler to wash his own unmentionables!

  12. um yeah, laundry is the worst thing ever. i'm not in love with any part of it, though i can usually stand the washing and drying part. it's the folding and putting away part that makes me want to kill things. so i put it off for as long as i can too.

    and if i had to go into that basement to do it, i'd legit not do it ever. like, ever ever. i'd buy new shit every time.


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