8 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom of Twins

Um, yes, I can tell them apart.

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You could have knocked me over with a feather when the doctor told me I was expecting twins. Multiples just were not on my radar. The odds of twins just seemed so remote to me, even though statistically they aren't at all. I moved from shock to utter joy within a matter of minutes, and the ride has been amazing ever since.

Since then, I've learned that multiples seem to evoke the strangest reactions out of people, and I'm not really sure why. It's not that bizarre or infrequent, but people are still strangely intrigued. Here are some of the most perplexing comments and questions moms of multiples get that might be better left unsaid.

1. Are they natural?

Yes, they are real, human babies, born from a female womb. I guess what they might be getting at is – did you take fertility drugs? I don't know why people are so curious about this, as if taking fertility meds makes multiples less "legit." I just say they run in the family. I honestly don't know if they do or not.

2. I'm so relieved I never had multiples.

I got this one from the receptionist at my obstetrician's office of all places. Already terrified as a first-time expectant parent, this comment offered little comfort. I should have responded with, "I'm so glad I have better manners than you," but instead I smiled and waddled back to my seat.

3. You must have been enormous!

Thank you for that reminder. No really, it's fun reminiscing about having every ligament in my body stretched beyond redemption, going up a shoe size, and never seeing my belly button return to its original location. The irony is that after my twins, I went home from the hospital in my "skinny jeans." My single pregnancy was the one that did me in.

4. It gets harder.

Moms of older multiples seem to take glee in telling new moms that it's only going to get harder as they grow up. Is that sadistic or what? Even if I truly felt that way, the only humane thing to do is to lie through your teeth and tell other new moms of multiples that it gets easier with each passing day.

5. Which one is the smarter/funnier/more athletic child?

You might as well offer me donation for their therapy now if you really expect me to answer this. My boys just happen to share a birthday, and the similarities end there. Nine years later, the word "twins" is barely ever uttered around our house. It mattered when we needed a double-stroller, or when we had to determine if Twin A was crowding out Twin B in the womb, and certainly when I was pumping for two. But it has no relevance now. They are just two silly, happy boys who don't need to be compared.

6. How do you tell them apart?

This one is more amusing than offensive. My boys are fraternal and have very few physical similarities. Within a few months of birth they really looked nothing alike. One is taller and more fair than the other. And now that they are going on 10, they look more different than ever, yet people still tell me that they can't tell them apart.

7. Are they behind?

Yes, pregnancies of multiples can present some complications, but most issues are not permanent. My boys were born six weeks early and spent some time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. With the care of some amazing doctors and nurses however, they came home soon enough and have been thriving ever since.

8. Do you plan on having multiples again?

Now that one is just too ridiculous to even respond to.

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