One new year's resolution to rule them all

By Rory Kinsella|

Rory Kinsella meditating in North Bondi

At this time of year, many of us are wondering what new healthy habits to bring into our lives.

With so many options, it can be overwhelming.

At a meditation workshop I was running recently, a frustrated-looking young woman put her hand up to ask a question.

"I've done intermittent fasting, I've quit sugar, I've digitally detoxed. I've kept my daily steps up and done juice cleanses. Meditation just sounds like another habit I have to worry about. I don't know if I've got the energy for another thing."

I could understand where she was coming from. There's so much wellness advice these days and so many fads, it's hard know what's worth investing time in.

My answer for her was to pick one key habit that would make a real difference and forget about the rest.

This is what's known as a foundational habit, something that helps you change course and acts as a springboard for other changes.

Exercise is a great example of a foundational habit because it will give you the energy and motivation to uphold many other habits.

Working on a foundational habit is like tending to the roots of a plant and watching it flourish, rather than clipping the leaves and wondering why nothing fundamental changes.

As a meditation teacher, I've found that meditation and exercise are the best two foundational habits.

Why meditation is the best habit you will ever create

Many of us don't think of ourselves as particularly stressed, but stress is inevitable in the times in which we live.

Think about all the inputs we have on a daily basis – the news reports of another disaster, the critical email from your boss, the cutting remark from your partner.

Every stressful event saps our reserves of adaptation energy until – on a bad day – we snap.

Adaptation energy is what we use to cope with unexpected things happening – the traffic jam, the delayed flight, the child spilling food on a newly dry-cleaned jacket.

The less adaptation energy we have, the more needy we are and the more likely we are to succumb to cravings and indulge in bad habits.

For me, starting to meditate ended up changing many other habits. It helped me focus and be less of a procrastinator, which helped with work and spurred me on to finish the book I was working on.

It also led me to cut down drinking over time until I was ready to quit completely.

Not drinking then became a foundational habit all of its own, meaning I was no longer living a 5/2 life of being super healthy in the week and ruining myself at the weekend.

Who's flying this thing?

Picture a situation where there are two versions of you sitting at the controls in your head as co-pilots.

On one side, you have your higher self – the wise, forward thinking, big picture version – the trusty Captain. This is the part that plots your course and guides you towards the next destination with foresight and maturity.

On the other side is your more primitive self – the instant gratification co-pilot. This is you at your worst, when you're at your most rundown with all behaviour filters off.

This part has a hotline to the stewardesses to keep the drinks flowing, wolfs down three desserts and sends the plane into a nosedive just to see what will happen. It only cares about right now and to hell with the consequences.

We all have both of these in us.

The less adaptation energy you have, the more you're putting the reckless co-pilot in charge.

Meditation lets you stop for a few minutes and calm down. It lets you replenish your supplies of adaptation energy so your captain can regain the controls.

In neurological terms, you strengthen your brain's executive centre, the pre-frontal cortex, and weaken the fear centre, the amygdala.

And when you do this day after day, your brain actually changes – via a process known as neuroplasticity.

Your brain rewires itself to give you more impulse control, which means next time temptation presents itself, your instant gratification co-pilot will be safely buckled in and unable to pounce.

How to create a habit

This all sounds well and good, you may be thinking, but creating a habit can be challenging.

When people complete my meditation course they've invariably had good experiences and can see how meditation would help them.

They feel more relaxed and centred. They have a sense of inner expansion and can feel long-held stresses unwinding.

But the job really starts after you've learned the basics. The real job is creating a habit.

Know your habit-building personality

One thing I've learned is that people have different motivations for keeping habits. Habits expert Gretchen Rubin divides us into Four Tendencies depending on how we manage expectations.

Upholders readily meet both inner and outer expectations. They can easily stick to resolutions, but also find it harder to break bad habits.

Obligers readily meet outer expectations. They benefit from having other people relying on them, like a gym buddy who keeps them in line and makes sure they turn up.

Questioners question all expectations, reframing everything as an inner expectation, which they will meet only if it makes sense.

Rebels resist all expectations, inner and outer!

Knowing your tendency can help bring awareness to how you respond to habits and awareness is the first step towards change. One strategy that works with all the tendencies though is to get clear on your why.

The better you understand why you're doing something and can make it a part of your identity, the easier it will be to do it everyday.

Examples could be: I'm a daily meditator because it helps me focus and be more productive at work; I'm a daily meditator because it allows me to be more present and understanding as a parent; I'm a daily mediator so I can unwind and sleep better at night.

The clearer you are on your why, the easier it will be to prioritise your habit over other things.

Take a few moments to think about what your motivation might be.

And if you want some motivation even to do that, listen to how Rubin describes the importance of habits.

"Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life. We repeat about 40 percent of our behaviour almost daily, so our habits shape our existence, and our future. If we change our habits, we change our lives."

How to learn

There are many different styles of meditation and ways of learning.

Most types involves bringing your awareness to a meditation anchor like the breath or a mantra. This helps you slow your mind and become and calmer and more effective person.

Free apps like Insight Timer can be a great way to dip your toe in the water. But for the best results it's always best to find a teacher in your area who can guide you through the process.

Meditation is an investment of time and you want to make sure you're doing it right and spending your time in the best way possible.

Rory Kinsella teaches Vedic Meditation in Sydney. He is also the creator of the We Meditate To Quit Alcohol online course, designed specially for people wanting to know how to stop drinking through meditation.
