Dear Amy,

I have a favorite ramen shop that is so tiny and popular that a line often forms near the door as people wait for seats.

Today, while standing in the front of that line, I noticed the folks who were dining at the table next to the door surreptitiously leaning down and exhaling smoke under the table.

I leaned over a bit and noticed that they were passing a vape pen between them, of the THC variety (so yes, they were smoking weed).

The owners and staff were too busy to notice this, and the smokers were on the lookout for being caught.

The owners are a wonderful couple. They love this business and work incredibly hard. I would hate to cause them any problems.

If I'd spoken up and said, "Excuse me, I can see you smoking and that is not legal to do inside restaurants, so please take that outside," then much of the restaurant would have heard me, no matter my volume.

This would likely have had the effect of shaming these folks into putting their vape pen away, but it might have also caused the owners embarrassment/problems.

Should I have said something to the folks who were smoking? Is there a way I could have done this without making an uncomfortable scene?

Or should I have just ignored it, and enjoyed my ramen?

— Noodling on It

I must point out the obvious: Weed and ramen do seem a somewhat magical fit. (THC is — basically — the substance that produces the "high" in pot.)

But I digress. My whimsical imaginings do not make this behavior right.

You are overthinking this. If people in close quarters are doing things that disturb you and others, and which, regardless, they should not do inside, then go ahead and say so!

You could simply say, "Excuse me, but could you please smoke outside?"

Is this courteous request "shaming" behavior? Who cares?!

There is no need for you to point out that their behavior is illegal — and wrong. They are literally keeping their activity "under the table." They know everything that you know.

My research shows that regulations concerning vaping are patchy and variable from state to state, but the trend seems to point toward all vaping (including THC, nicotine, or other substances) being allowed ONLY where other smoking is allowed (which means, no smoking inside any public building, business, bar or restaurant).

If there is a "scene" to be had, these smokers will be the ones having it.

Dear Amy,

After 35 years of living in the United States, I've decided to return to my native country. I am 71.

My husband died four years ago and I do not have any children or relatives in this country.

I have some cousins there and a handful of high school friends.

I have spent many sleepless nights worrying about how I will adjust to life there.

My biggest concerns are: lack of intellectual life, no coffee shops or places to meet new people.

I have to go out to be with other people, but I would be afraid to drive there.

I think finding people who have similar interests will be hard.

I'm going there this summer to see how it would feel to live there for good.

If I decide to stay in the U.S., as I age, I will have to rely on strangers for help at some point.

Am I too emotional seeing the move in such dark colors? What should guide me in making that decision?

— Torn

I think you're brave to do this. Of course, you're anxious! It's easy to get overwhelmed when facing such a big decision, but you should deal with your anxiety by taking the big leap in small steps.

Take a fresh look this summer. Reconnect with your friends and family. See if you can live near a town center, where the quality of life would be better for you. Rent (don't purchase) a place until you feel more confident.

Ultimately, you may decide that living in a retirement community/assisted-living complex in the U.S. might be best for you. I hope you'll look into it.

Dear Amy,

"Seldom Heard" was complaining about his wife, who literally never stops talking.

Thank you for your practical suggestions.

I'd like to add that his wife might have hearing problems. People who have trouble hearing sometimes cover for the fact that they can't hear a question by proactively filling the silence.

— Been There

Many readers pointed this out. Thank you!

— Write to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email askamy@amydickinson.com.