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[–]Kjell_Aronsen 2406 points2407 points  (151 children)

It gets even better. This is a Norwegian bird book, and the first sentence reads:

The grey-headed chickadee (lappmeisen) is very trusting, and it happens quite often that is perches on the shoulder of a person passing by.

It seems to have had a bit of prodding here though - that looks a lot like a grain of rice or something on the kid's thumb.

[–]EmbroideredLexicon 866 points867 points  (72 children)

Yes! I see it now. The kid's got bird seed tucked against his thumb. Total set-up.

I cry fowl!

[–]PandaMomentum 286 points287 points  (29 children)

Original source

From which: "Jeg hadde ferdig rensket frø i hånden. Den bruker til vanlig å hoppe rundt på luen min når jeg er ved foringsstasjonen og fyller den opp, så det er egentlig ikke så uvanlig at den landet på boka, sier han."

~ "I had the finished cleaned seeds in my hand. It usually jumps around on my hat when I'm filling up the birdfeeder, so it's not really so unusual that it landed on the book," he said.

[–]elephantsgetback 70 points71 points  (26 children)

why did i just click on a norwegian article...

[–]grammer_polize 44 points45 points  (23 children)


it was close.. enough

[–]ryansmithistheboss 22 points23 points  (17 children)

That's a lot of apps you have at the bottom there.

[–]grammer_polize 44 points45 points  (8 children)

you wanna fight about tit?

[–]prophetoffun 78 points79 points  (5 children)

it's more likely that OP found this image somewhere and assumed that the bird randomly landed


"This bird landed on the page about itself" is the title OP used which is seemingly still 100% true regardless of whether it was coaxed into doing so or not.

[–]CaptnYossarian 19 points20 points  (0 children)

At no point was "randomly" said

[–]Lonelyboy14 111 points112 points  (26 children)

Oh wow I didn't see that it probably is a seed or something, OP we need an explanation!

[–]kid-karma 376 points377 points  (22 children)

It is a seed.

Source: I've taken thousands of pictures of little boys covered in seed.

[–]Destroyer333 124 points125 points  (5 children)

Euphemism Detected

[–]50_shades_of_winning 56 points57 points  (4 children)

Nothing gets past you.

[–]Destroyer333 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Just like my mom always says, "You're not my son! Leave!"

[–]Aquanasty 12 points13 points  (3 children)

I thought that was a booger.

[–]pounce13[🍰] 3530 points3531 points  (329 children)

Bird: This is wrong, all wrong!!! You know nothing about me!!!

[–]CaptainNoBoat 2758 points2759 points  (222 children)

"I'm supposed to be mating this time of year!?"

[–]IranianGenius 1818 points1819 points  (210 children)

That bird in the book doesn't look half bad...

[–]pelito 3128 points3129 points  (200 children)

flap flap flap

*Edit- Holy Shit! I've been Gilded! This is awesome! Thank you stranger! Now I know how Kanye Feels like.

Bow you Pheasants!

[–]zapper0113 708 points709 points  (57 children)


Get it? Masturbating spiderman.

[–]OP_IS_A_FUCKFACE 411 points412 points  (48 children)

[–]jonab12 70 points71 points  (100 children)

Do birds even masturbate? This is bothering me not knowing

[–]Evil_ash 92 points93 points  (33 children)

I can tell you that yes, yes they do. My mom once had a budgie who would rub his junk on your hands/face/whatever, flapping and cooing happily until release...

[–][deleted] 157 points158 points  (17 children)

You fucking let a bird blow a load on your face and hands? What the fuck dude.

[–]Evil_ash 83 points84 points  (16 children)

Not after the first time...


You got raped by a bird.

[–]peeweesherman1 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Suck my CAW-k CAW..k, suck my..

[–]occupythekitchen 10 points11 points  (1 child)

And it wasn't a duck

[–]6feet 37 points38 points  (7 children)

I don't know what a budgie looks like, but based on the adorable name, I'm picturing a pudgy little thing with a sweet, somewhat mentally-deficient face like Maru the cat. That visualization, combined with the thought of such a cuddly little thing "flapping and cooing happily," made me think "I'd let the wee winged wanker give itself a handy, with my soft-hearted hands."

[–]Munt_Custard 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Budgie is short for Budgerigar, an Australian bird.

[–]Evil_ash 3 points4 points  (2 children)

He was quite cute, and you know...not overly intelligent (even for a budgie). The problem was that once he discovered this activity, it was the only way he wanted to interact. I don't exactly remember what became of him (mom's boyfriend realized he was allergic), but I hope he found a home with someone as accommodating as you seem to be.

[–]Maniacademic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

pudgy little thing with a sweet, somewhat mentally-deficient face

Honestly, that's not too far off. Here, look at this cutie.

[–]Halo3_hex3Edec62_4 57 points58 points  (3 children)

Ummmm, how do I put this gently? That's not masturbation that's sex, dude. You've had sex with a bird.

[–]grawsby 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I prefer "Dry-humping"


dry up to a point

[–]monkone 12 points13 points  (0 children)


[–]140IQ 34 points35 points  (3 children)

Did it have broken wings?

[–]squishybloo 13 points14 points  (7 children)


When I was young, I had a female parakeet. It masturbated on my hand. :/

[–]UNSTABLETON_LIVE 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Go on....

[–]squishybloo 8 points9 points  (3 children)

She's start out slow, start getting real fast, then stop, rest, and hop off. It maybe took about 30 seconds total? Does this mean I was child-molested by a parakeet at 8 years old? :(

[–]UNSTABLETON_LIVE 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Depends how old the Parakeet was.


Also depends what state the bird molestation occured in. Was this before or after 1972?

[–]Sorrypenguin0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Damn OP, lost your V card early.

[–]newuser13 89 points90 points  (25 children)

Unidan, please.

[–]YourMumIsAVirgin 80 points81 points  (0 children)

No point in having him here, that's clearly a jackdaw not a bird.


They do. What else do you think all the white stuff they drop on cars is?

[–]veeeSix 85 points86 points  (5 children)

flapping intensifies


"just busted a gizzard"

[–]Aristo-Cat 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'm nominating this for worst gold edit of the month

[–]FiveGuysAlive 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"I'm gonna shoooooooooooooot!"

[–]Bismuth-209 34 points35 points  (1 child)

raunchy chirping

[–]kalitarios 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Brown-Chicken Brown-CowGrouse

[–]venetianblind 262 points263 points  (2 children)


The opening sentence on the page about the bird is this:

The gray-headed chickadee is very trusting, and will often perch on the shoulder of a human who happens to cross its path.

[–]Tmaffa 135 points136 points  (26 children)

No! No! No! NO!! Hehawwww! Hehawwww!!!!!

[–]shinydragonite 110 points111 points  (20 children)

You are now mod of: /r/enlightenedbirdmen

[–]musicaficta 11 points12 points  (2 children)

[–]UmamiSalami 8 points9 points  (3 children)


[–]beard_salve 8 points9 points  (1 child)


[–]IAMA_otter 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]falconbox 10 points11 points  (0 children)

what the hell is going on there? Birds, mudmen...I feel so lost.

[–]boyuber 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Why can't they ever get my beak right?!

[–]gamophyte 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I do derive a lot of pleasure at the fact the bird is looking down at the text, indeed I do.


Plus the section on jackdaws is riddled with errors!

[–]phubans 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Appropriate username...

[–]Booblicle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, that's because it's in the Crow section.

[–]robertraur 1527 points1528 points  (63 children)

pulls out a playboy and crosses fingers

[–][deleted] 1637 points1638 points  (51 children)


Ha! where is this from? PERFECT EXECUTION!

[–]MusicShaman 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Animal House

[–]PoorExecution 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Perfect execution, huh?

[–]leftys_will_conquer 572 points573 points  (17 children)

[–]Honestly_ 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Even the East German judge has to give that a perfect score.

[–]HeavenSk8 140 points141 points  (9 children)

Never has something been more retired than this.

[–]CaptainExtermination 63 points64 points  (2 children)

That's it folks, we can all head home now. Nice hustle everybody, catch you in the AM!

[–]Exceon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

These comments are full of miracles! Gold, retired gifs and a spiderman thread?! Oh jolly! Christmas is coming early this year!

[–]Dominus2 7 points8 points  (2 children)

The link isn't working for me. Can you link me to it on a different page or something?

[–]old_righty 39 points40 points  (11 children)

Is it me, or is gftcat down? Dammit!

[–]falcoholic92 12 points13 points  (7 children)

It's not just you

[–]Zoloir 16 points17 points  (6 children)

[–]aw3man 5 points6 points  (1 child)

right but that says it's up but when i try to visit gfycat.com it's down..

[–]Sexual_tomato 5 points6 points  (0 children)


[–]Sparkvoltage 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Dude, this is the most relevant gif I've ever seen, and it isn't some vague gif relevant to anything either. Well done.

[–]Bleaz 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Link isn't working, anyone got a mirror? Gotta be good if it was retired!

[–]eeviltwin 10 points11 points  (1 child)

You don't understand. It was so good, it was literally retired. You missed it.

[–]depricatedzero 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Beautiful, naked, big tittied women don't just fall out of the sky, you know!

[–]McGravin 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Whatcha doing? Bird watching?

[–]starstarstar42 592 points593 points  (15 children)

"...the hell? This is an invasion of privacy! My mating habits are NONE of your business! Good day, Sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!".

[–]JustPlainSimpleGarak 204 points205 points  (10 children)

Maybe he's one of those socially awkward birds and is just trying to pick up some mating tips


"Ohh, the cloaca! I feel like such a fool."

[–]JustPlainSimpleGarak 105 points106 points  (5 children)

"She was a sparrow, Jerry. A sparrow!"

[–]benjalss 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Females like it when you act all dark and Crowy.

[–]McBiceps 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But fezzzz

[–]mpls_hotdish 131 points132 points  (13 children)

"Bird in the hand is worth two in the book" - Ben Franklin

[–]I_Shit_Thee_Not 32 points33 points  (10 children)

"A fist in the nads is worth two in the butt" -Aristotle

[–]jesusdies 7 points8 points  (7 children)

did he really say that?

[–]PunksPrettyMuchDead 17 points18 points  (4 children)

"He must have, it's on the internet." -Neil Degrasse Tyson

[–]Sirjohniv 14 points15 points  (3 children)


[–]Glampkoo 10 points11 points  (2 children)

"Because my life is dope and I do dope shit" -Abraham Lincoln

[–]or_some_shit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Shake it like a Polaroid picture" -Mahatma Ghandi

[–]Crypto7899 202 points203 points  (16 children)

"How did you get this picture you creepy bastard?!"

[–]aacarbone 147 points148 points  (14 children)

Guess he shouldn't have trusted the cloud

[–]talking_to_myself 188 points189 points  (10 children)

The flappening.

[–]ExaPaw 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Now that's just cheep.

[–]TCBloo 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Quit yer squawking.

[–]Ironnhead 14 points15 points  (3 children)

This is why I keep up with reddit's shit. To see these comments and smile every once in a while.



[–]GestureWithoutMotion 3 points4 points  (1 child)

15 minutes to 5pm. Almost time to go home and reddit!

[–]DroopyMcCool 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Jennibird Lawrfinch

[–]GrassWaterDirtHorse 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He posted the picture on Twitter

[–]gizzardgullet 94 points95 points  (1 child)

"Holy shit I'm famous"

[–]serhm 221 points222 points  (25 children)

Plot twist: OP is summoning undead birds from the avian Necronomicon.

[–]fishstandsup 105 points106 points  (17 children)




[–]peon47 56 points57 points  (9 children)

That's the same book.

[–]iismitch55 69 points70 points  (8 children)

What the fuck did you just fucking say about crows, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in environmental science, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret studies on crow behavior, and I have over 300 confirmed alt accounts. I am trained in vote brigading and I have the top comment karma on this entire website. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will downvote you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that about crows over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of taxonomists across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, jackdaw. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can downvote you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with alt accounts. Not only am I extensively trained in taxonomy, but I have access to the entire Latin names of the Corvidae family and I will use it to its full extent to prove you wrong and downvote your miserable ass off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit downvotes all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, jackdaw.

[–]Rickrickrickrickrick 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]attentionpaysme 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Plot twist: OP is an amazing taxidermist.


Plot twist: That's not actually a lapper bird, it's a jackdaw.

[–]adaywithevan 39 points40 points  (4 children)

Oh hey human! That's my cousin Ricky. He's doing big things. He just got on the cover of Birds Illustrated, and he just married a Robin. Love that guy.

[–]olsmobile 72 points73 points  (2 children)

The bird was just checking to make sure he didn't forget how to bird. "diet; worms, check"

[–]retiringonmars 12 points13 points  (2 children)

First spiders are using tools, now birds are reading books! I am very alarmed.

[–]Riktenkay 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This is the first I've heard of spiders using tools. I will not be sleeping tonight.

[–]Jiggeh 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Wow, I just found this book in the attic last night, havent really looked too much in it since I got it as a present in 99'. It's a beautiful book with all the Norwegian bird-life, really nice drawings and there is a lot to learn. So funny to see it here, after it was released about 20 years ago. Really nice picture, easily one of my favourite wildlife books.


who took this picture?

[–]Riktenkay 58 points59 points  (1 child)

The bird on the guy's shoulder.

[–]PussyWhistleInternet Janitor 12 points13 points  (1 child)

If nobody else steps up, I did.

[–]HI_Handbasket 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Hey, man, nice shot.

[–]TheFriendlyAsshole 13 points14 points  (2 children)


[–]diegojones4 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's what I think. Seeing if it was a picture of someone he knew.

[–]hjaltih 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This has /r/mildlyinteresting written all over it!

[–]childroid 7 points8 points  (1 child)

That's one hell of a pop-up book.


Funny what birds will do when you entice them with seeds. :)

[–]V4refugee 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OP has a seed on his finger. Burn him!

[–]StarkWars 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This bird landed on a page with a sunflower seed on it

[–]MrXhin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is as close as this bird can come to Googling himself.

[–]justmos 5 points6 points  (0 children)

hey, that's Larry, how'd that fuck get picked to be in this book and not me. asshole

[–]Hall-and-Boats 11 points12 points  (2 children)

...and tried to mate with the page

[–]Oz7k 4 points5 points  (0 children)

had to put a cover on my car as some bird was doing exactly this with its reflection on my car windows and mirror.

[–]jt8908 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This bird that I attracted with bird seeds landed on the page I had open forever while I was out bird watching.


[–]Notnotoriginal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your interest in my people. I will be your guide.

[–]sec713[🍰] 10 points11 points  (6 children)

This is pretty remarkable if it isn't staged.

I really think it's staged - just too many coincidences happening:

1) person reading didn't freak out when a bird landed on their hand/book, scaring it away

2) Book just happened to be on a page that features exact same species

3) Someone else took the photo and didn't startle the bird in the process.

Sorry, I may be 100% wrong, but I'm not buying that this just magically happened.

[Edit: Thanks /u/haberstachery for confirming my suspicion - for this purpose, these birds are extremely trainable ]

[–]SeizureMusic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The family of the boy have a feeding station (not as fancy as it sounds, haha) near their cabin that they feed birds with, and this picture is taken near that station. The boy's father took the pic with another bird on his head.

[–]jkjkjij22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

baited. food on thumb. still a great pic

[–]CrazyForYouToo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I don't see any comments about the Lirype shown in the bush. Is this on purpose?

Should I Spoiler Alert??


Why is someone even prepared to take a picture of some guy reading a book about birds?

[–]PhysicalStuff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The text is blurry, but I think what it says in the first few lines (in Norwegian) is this (I'm not making this up):

The Grey-headed chickadee is quite trusting, and it even happens that it perches on the shoulders of people passing by ...

[–]Account123456781 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yo Yo i hope you gave that bird the seed you hid under your thumb, she deserves it!

[–]J1987R 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could totally see the seed on top of his thumb lol

[–]Drewsalem 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A bird on your hand is worth two in a book.

[–]bby666ktty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

so meta