Matthew 24:34

April 22, 2011

Why doesn't Jesus cure poor eyesight and obesity in pastors?

Somewhere deep inside a third-world country, in a place where cameras and other recording devices never seem to be, a miracle is occurring. A man has been cured of demon possession. Jesus Christ, healer, has arrived.

We hear these stories all the time through religious media, missionaries, and our local neighborhood pastors. No mountain is too big for Jesus to move, no miracle too big or small. While these accounts are swallowed whole by the hungry flock, skeptics and other rational people demand evidence when the laws of nature reportedly cease. Or, sometimes we just ask the obvious questions and wait for the response (insert crickets chirping here).

Licensed Driver?
There are no small miracles, only big ones. This makes me wonder, if Jesus can cure a blind man in some far-off land, why can't he also cure a pastor who suffers from poor vision? What greater testament to the Lord's power than an entire cadre of eagle-eyed ordained pastors, priests and ministers? The most recent photo I've seen of the soon-to-be late Robert Schuller shows him wearing what appear to be telescopes on his eyes. I'll admit, Brother Schuller just passing a driving test at this point would be miracle enough for me, but why can't we also see him smash those spectacles in a fiery sermon and declare victory over bad vision?(or for that matter, victory over the Crystal Cathedral's bankruptcy)?

Likewise for weight issues. Let's be real here, most mega-pastors are mega-slobs. How many rotund pastors does it take before Jesus takes notice? Mega-pastor Rick Warren is a mega-pig. Paul Crouch is a fat pig. Becky Fischer (of Jesus Camp fame) is a pig. Even Jim Bakker's lovable announcer Kevin Shorey, the guy is a slob. Can't Jesus curb their appetites, or maybe just drop some low-carb Manna from the sky for them to snack on?

Rick Warren makes a multi-million-dollar living telling people how to fix themselves, yet his obvious weight issue screams hypocrisy at every wide turn. Let's hear him make this plea to Jesus, and then let's see a miracle:
Rick Warren:    "Dear Lord, I ask in your name Father, I command in your glorious name: Clamp down on these powerful jaws dear Lord! Seal off one of my stomachs dear Jesus, so that I may be thin and healthy again. Hallelujah I say to you Jesus. Hallelujah...HALLELUJAHHHHH!!"

The list of potential miracles goes on and on. Cure Jimmy Swaggart of chronic sweating, cure the huggable little teddy-bear Jim Bakker of his halitosis and extreme odor. Cure the entire priesthood of priapism. Why doesn't Jesus tackle these local miracles for all to see and, frankly, enjoy, rather than consistently visiting miracles upon strange people in strange lands, where evidence of those miracles is always just out of reach?

Of course, I know why Jesus doesn't perform miracles...Do you?