Conservative Government Reacts to Influx of Buddhist Terrorism

As more and more extremist Buddhists rain terror down on Rohingya Muslims in Burma, the Canadian government has issued statements condemning the violence.

“Terrorism could begin in a basement, a temple, or somewhere else,” Prime Minister Stephen Harper said in a press conference last Thursday.”We are in the process of introducing plans to make a lack of serenity mandatory while participating in the citizenship ceremony. Enlightenment is not congruent with Canadian interests and values. If you are one with the universe, you are not one with Canada.”

Locals are becoming uneasy, fearing their neighbour could be a Buddhist terrorist waiting to strike. Resident Laura Walker was interviewed, and told KYMO News of her concerns. “What’s stopping a Buddhist from walking into an airport, and self-immolating themselves on a plane? Anyone willing to sacrifice their own life for their radical idealism has been brainwashed by their religious leaders, and is a threat to us all. Eliminating the public display of serenity is not enough to fight back against those Saffron-Robers, we need stricter airport security measures to keep these extremists from hurting innocent civilians! It even says in their holy text that they want to bring nirvana to all of humanity. I looked up what nirvana means, and it means extinction!”

While some claim that Buddhism is a religion of peace, the debate rages on about how far Canadians should allow the freedom of religion guaranteed by the Charter to accommodate a religion shown to commit terrible violence against an oppressed Muslim minority.