Cooler weather presents new challenges for relationships.
Cooler weather presents new challenges for relationships.

How to heat up your relationship during winter


YOU may have started the year with the intention to give your relationship another big shot and rekindle the connection.

As we approach mid-year, maybe you're both on the downward spiral and bogged down.

While this one is for the ladies, I know you blokes will sneak a peek.

So gals, here are your winter intimacy revival techniques you'll love and could well loathe:

1. Indulge in you first. Make a list of 20 things that delight you. Carve out time to do three things in the next week and be responsible for achieving them. Focus on your own desires as it's not your man's job to make you happy.

Entertain the ideas of your list of "I want …" instead of why you can't or it won't work. You absolutely can overcome resistance or fear as to why it's impossible.

2. Express your desires to your partner in the way that inspires. "I would love it if …" Take out the "you".

3. Girl chat. Call a trusted friend who can also support your own desires. Feedback in the counselling room is that we girls generally have too many words a bloke can bear. Share them.

4. Consider the first three things you think about your husband when asked to describe him and it will give an indication of your approach to your relationship.

5. A man needs respect like he needs oxygen. Restore respect with an apology. Act as if you respect your spouse even if you don't feel it right now. Fake it 'til you make it. He's quite likely a great guy because you wouldn't have chosen him in the first place.

6. Helpful in wife language can be critical in man language. A wife expressing her desires is always more powerful than debating or disagreeing with his thinking, which can be disrespectful. You can listen to your spouse without agreeing or disagreeing for a moment. Just be an attentive listener.

7. Know where you end and where your husband begins and act accordingly. Do you need to relinquish some control and say "yes" to yourself? Then stop doing things for him he could easily do himself.

8. Consider your marriage as a wonderful "self-improvement" project. It's much like a mirror and an accurate reflection of the energy you provide to your spouse's environment.

9. Shift your focus from what you don't like to what you do. What you focus on attracts more. Express gratitude three times a day to your husband from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

10. During conflict, use "ouch" to convey your hurt and diffuse your reactive torrent of words with this one word.

11. Affirm what you want to experience instead of what might be your current reality. What will your "Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy" be?

12. Consider getting out of that vehicle of contemplating separating or divorce that you're bogged down in and lead the relationship in a positive and proactive way.

You then have some peace you at least gave 100 per cent before you choose which road you'll take.

Joanne Wilson is a neuropsychotherapist, relationship specialist, workshop facilitator and guest speaker.

Don't miss more on this in her Is This Love podcast and download your free relationship resources at

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