Saturday, August 12, 2006

True Wife Confession 45 revolutions per minute

Confession #451

Why in the world would you buy yourself a King size pillow when all we have are standard pillowcases?? You can be so stupid it makes me physically ill.

Confession #452

A lot of the time when you want something stupid and immature I just give in because that is a lot easier than watching you mope about the house for the next week in pity for yourself. Because seriously? Sometimes? You. Are. A. BITCH.

Confession #453

Go get some freakin' viagra. It's time. I hate that our sex life has become so one-sided. There are men about half your age using the damn stuff. What's the problem?
You're still sexy and desirable, but now I can't even achieve orgasm in our tried and true position. I know that the Paxil is taking its toll, but its been too long now. Geez, it must hurt your pride to know I can't orgasm with you anymore, but apparently not enough to do anything about it.
Maybe we both take comfort in knowing that my rabbit vibrator is mere steps away.

Confession #454

Why are you so irresponsible with money? You think just because I'm out of work for now that I have no say in anything, but what about all those times before when I supported you because you had no job? I'm in school so I can move up to a better job, not just laying around doing nothing! And why, oh why, do you think you shouldn't have to do anything with the kids? You helped make of them isn't even mine!! And you still expect me to do everything!! Yes, I know the little one might not be yours but you knew that from the start and said it didn't matter. But what you didn't know? I'm still sleeping with her "father".....I let you think it was over, but it really wasn't. I'm not going to leave you for him, but I'm not going to leave him for you either.

Confession #455

You really are the one for me. I knew I loved you when I saw you at 8, and today at 31 my heart still melts for you.I still get butterfly's when you look at me with your beautiful green eyes... You have and always will be my greatest friend and lover.
Though not perfect, You try everyday to be a better husband and father ,and for that I will give ONLY you my love and devotion.
I love you, and thank God everyday for giving me my soul mate.
Your Thankful Wife.

Confession #456

Your first, very brief (thank goodness!), very disastrous, meaningless mess of a marriage is the best thing that ever happened to us.

Many years later, you knew I was THE ONE (and only). You married me proper. We created this beautiful family (not in the back of a pickup truck but beautifully, in love, in our bed ON PURPOSE!) and we're so happy together that I have to pinch myself sometimes.

I know I can be hard to live with, yet you are so loving, forgiving and accommodating. Your patience is amazing.

In a way, I'm thankful for your ex-(non)wife. She taught you to recognize a good thing when you saw one. Her bad example taught you that there was a woman out there (ME!) who can appreciate a wonderful, loving, giving, hard working man and father like you. By being the horrible person she was (is?), she taught you in a round about way about TRUE love and TRUE commitment. It's what we have together. And we'll have it forever.

Confession #457

I wish I could love my mother as much as I do my mother-in-law. My mil has taught me so much over the years--I feel such a connection with her. It will kill me when she passes. On the other hand, my own mother still treats me as a child, not as the 40+ yr. old mother of 6 that I am.
She repeats the same haggard stories of silly things I did as a child. I am so sick of them. She treats her dog as a human, referring to herself as the dog's "mom". If she had to choose between the dog and me, the dog would win.
Serves me right.

Confession #458

I want us to separate and live in different places for awhile so I can
appreciate you again.

Confession #459

As much as I hate to ride your ass to brush your teeth, or kick you for the
times you somehow manage to get shit on the toilet seat, or scream at you
for having such narrow minded political views and never being able to let
ANYTHING go, I still love you more than I can put into words. Because for
all those times you drive me crazy, there are countless other times where
you cook my dinner and make my lunch for worry about my well
being, you want to make me happy, you plan little surprises for me, you love
me really fat, just fat, and now kinda fat and saggy, and I know you'd
rather spend time with me than anyone else. These things mean more to me
than you will ever know.

Confession #460

Even though you treat me without consideration, regard, or respect: I still love you.

Even though you act as though my opinions don't matter to you, don't have worth to us, or don't mean anything to this household: I still love you.

Even though you behave as though my career is not important unless someone else is listening, is not valuable until; the bills are paid, is not relevant unless it affects you personally: I still love you.

And even though I am fucking someone else three times a week, sharing dreams with him, and loving him in the passionate way that you should be loving me: I still love you.

I just don't know how to leave you.


Anonymous said...

459- Why do men do that? Do they not see there is poop on the toilet seat after they turn around the flush the toilet? All my friends complain about the same thing. It's so gross and even when I remind my husband to be more careful, he STILL does it!!!! And he has a skinny butt!! How does that work???

thegoddessanna said...

#457- I am so there too. I love my MIL with all my heart, but my mom is such a bitch to me. She has always had cats, opposed to dogs, but animals are not siblings! I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. Nothing has worked for me yet. Have a hug! {hugs}

Anonymous said...

Ok - I know this is sacred space where we can confess anything EVEN IF we sound mean or stupid and that's why it's anonymous and that's great - but I just can't let this day pass without saying:

457 & thegoddessanna - they are just women and they are fallable. They changed your diapers for years and have been puked on countless times by YOU. Give your mom a break. If she did her best and it's not what you wished for then think about how you've done your best for you own and how you hope your own feel about you and then GIVE a little. Maybe your mothers wouldn't have to treat their pets like offspring if their offspring showed a little more affection. DUH!

Anonymous said...

anonymous 11:43, I have a mother like 457 and thegoddessanna--I can't speak for either of them, but I do try with my mother. I've tried for years...

She lies to my father and the rest of our family. Tho she gets irate if someone lies to her. "I hate liars" she will say. I wonder what she thinks she's doing? She makes up things to stir up trouble and shows no remorse, even when she's "caught in a lie"

Everything is always someone else's fault (my dad, his mom or one of his sisters, me, my sibs... anyone but her)

She's critical of me and my sibs. We are awful and useless--yes she actually does say this to us and to her mother and sisters.

She talks about us like we're small children, judges our spouses and the way I raise my children.
She pushed us away as children. When we would try to sit next to her, hug or kiss her she'd tell us to get away from her, we were crowding her. Anytime we'd try to talk to her she'd ignore us.

Do you know what it's like to pour your heart out when you're upset and have your mother say, "oh, that interesting"--because she wasn't listening but looking at herself in the mirror & playing with her hair? She hadn't heard a thing I'd said.

She gives nothing.

btw, she's not an animal person either-they don't like her either...

Anonymous said...

The first secret? If buying a king sized pillow is the stupidest thing he's done count yourself lucky and get a life.

Some people dont know there are king sized vs standard sized and that pillow cases dont fill them all.

I sure hope you are the piller of perfection throwing such judgement.

Anonymous said...

My husband has NEVER left shit on the toilet seat and I've never heard one of my girlfriends complain about this. God, are you women married to dogs?? I wouldn't marry a man that couldn't wipe is ass properly. Disgusting.

Anonymous said...

456 - You sound a little insecure about the first wife, actually.

Anonymous said...

Is it me or are these anonymous comments getting bitchier and bitcher as the days go by?

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous 1:12, you've never heard your girlfriends complain about this because they are the ones posting here! NEVER is a LONG time and no amount of convincing will get me to believe that it has NEVER happened. It happens quite often only some are not so lazy as to wipe the seat! I have a dad, stepdad, 4 brothers, 8 sisters, a husband, 2 sons, and 3 daughters and SHIT HAPPENS!

Anonymous said...

NO it's not you 3:42 the anonymous just keep getting bitchier and bitchier. Me thinks alot hits toooooooooo close to home!

Anonymous said...

11:43, just because someone changed your diapers and got puked on doesn't mean she is not a crazy, manipulative bitch. Giving birth does not ensure a person will be a kind, upstanding human being.

And just because someone is a daughter doesn't mean she deserves to be treated like shit and take it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Madge, I was just getting to that one. To come here and try to invalidate someone's feelings is way uncool. Have you walked in their shoes? I think not. And if you haven't....well then...What the hell do you know?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, how is it possible to get shit on the seat in the first place? Is it an alcohol/drug related thing? I've missed the bowl once or twice when having a pee (I'm a man), but to miss it shitting??? What is up with that?

Anonymous said...

456 - I don't know the details of your husband's first marriage, but couldnt help but find your post to be on some level disturbing. Speaking as a woman who was married once before my present marriage, I can only hope that you aren't my ex-husbands second wife. I say this because he and I are still good friends and talk like good friends. Just because there were things about him that I may not have wanted to deal with for the rest of my life doesnt make him any less of a good person, and vice versa. I know he will always care about me and wish good things for me and my present family as I do for him. Granted, not all divorces come out as amicable as mine, but gimme a break..The way you carry on, I hope this chick really was as horrible and pure evil as you're making her out to be. Otherwise, please remember that there are always 3 sides to a story: his, hers, and the truth.

I'll never tell said...

Well said anonymous 10:54. I am the second also, although my husband wasn't married before, he lived with his ex for six years and they had a son. And I have to tell you I have remained friendly with her( as friendly as I can be for the sake of the child)and also knew them when they were together. I was never married before but the anon before me is right....3 sides: his, hers and the truth.

Anonymous said...

10:54 - boy are you lucky. My parents divorce was so messy. It affects the kids the most. I wish more people were like you and your ex!

I do think people can learn from their (and others') mistakes though and move on to better things. I think that's what that confession was all about. At least that's how I interpreted it. But I could see how an "ex-wife" might take offense. Especially if on some level, it touches a nerve. I'm not saying that's the case for you as it sounds you have the optimal divorce situation.

Anonymous said...

Exactely, 1026! 112 here -- and sorry, I'm sticking to what I said. These "men" that do that must be a differnt breed than the ones my girlfriends and I married. And I don't get how it even happens in the first place.. are they standing while doing this or what?

Anonymous said...

I just think you can't expect people to be who they are not. If your mother wasn't perfect then don't be heartbroken when she isn't perfect (duh).

If she had only one leg would you still expect her to go running with you? Perhaps your mothers are incapable of giving you what you deserve or want - and in return you hate her. Well, I guess that makes you even (and eye for an eye and all). Do you see how it's not making you feel better.

Anonymous 11:43

PS Don't assume you know what kind of childhood I had.

Anonymous said...

10:54 here. Thank you. And you are right, I am lucky to have had a good ending w/my divorce. I hate to see children get affected by theire parents unhappiness, which seems to be a common reality. Maybe b/c we naver had any children together (thank G-d), it made it all easier and cleaner of a break I'm sure. If I were to divorce my current, it wouldn't be so amicable. Not just b/c we have a child, but also b/c of his personality. As far as the confession hitting a nerve, maybe on some unconscious level it did, maybe I don't like to think of myself as the bad guy, I don't know. But after re-reading it, I have to say that it really just sounded so bashing to the first wife, like she really fucked this guy up fierce or something. And he was so sweet and innocent. Maybe b/c I like my ex as a person, I wouldnt ever want to think that I was that horrible and messed him up to the extreme that this chick sounds like.

Anonymous said...

Smears are left on the very back of the seat, like where he would reach down to wipe. Who knows how it happens or how they miss it when they stand up, but they do.

Anonymous said...

#457 - You could be me. I talk to my MIL on the phone for no reason, hang out with her JUST THE TWO OF US and LOVE it, shop with her... I would never do that with my mother. Maybe there's just too much hurt between us, but I can not move past what she's done in the past. There's still too much hurt and anger there for me. Dear MIL has NEVER treated me bad like my own mother has.

BTW - She also NEVER takes sides between me and DH when we argue. THe most she'll say is "You'll eventually kiss and make up with each other", which is her way of saying that we'll sort it out between ourselves.

Anonymous said...

I bet the anonymous that swears shit does not happen also never farts. Oh and neither does her husband!

Anonymous said...

I bet 6:28 is knee deep in her husbands shit and is pissed because she failed to realized early on that she was marrying a man with the hand/eye coordination of a primate. Now, strap on your playtex gloves and do whatcha do, girl. Just glad I'm not you!
And here's another shocker! Not only does my husband not shit on the toilet... get ready... he LEAVES the room when he farts! Do you believe there are thoughtful, dignified men out there? I'm sure your hubby really doesn't mind your indiscretions- he sounds like a catch.

Anonymous said...

Gee 10:46, (stepping out of all this shit long enough to reply), I'm sorry for you. Hiding all those "little indiscretions" depending on how long you are married will become a tedious chore. It's not realistic. Polite, but not realistic. Fact of the matter is if somebody does have an accident or "little indiscretion" and does not catch it in time before someone else sees it does not make them a dirty dog. I suppose some men can be just plain sick or lazy, which is what the poster would lead you to believe. But to imply that this could never happen in your home (especially if you have children and a husband) is unrealistic. Have a nice tedious life.

Anonymous said...

Um, okay, poop girl. You win. You clean up your big boy feces and I'll go on living my "polite and tedious" life. Good luck with that, you used twat. Christ, get a life. Why the hell are you defending this obviously offensive behaviour and making it seem the norm when every educated, self respecting adult for crying out loud that can sufficiently wipe their own ass knows you're full of shit, pardon the pun. Man, I can not be the only one out there that thinks this is just gross and NOT the way normal men behave and normal women respond to it. I'm not the one with the problem, shit cleaner, you are. And, duh, I'm NOT talking about dirty diapers or childrens accidents, I'm talking about the fact that you have so little self worth that you wipe up after your grown ass man, cause you think that they all do it. Wrong. Ewe, I just thought of something.. you may actually enjoy it. Perhaps a different blogsite is apropo?

Anonymous said...

Geesh 3:24! Take a pill! Down, Down, you big husky. No need for name calling. None of us realized you have OCD about shit. We apologize!

Anonymous said...

I think 3:24 is our complainer. Talk about hostile!

Anonymous said...

I'm not the complainer, and you're right, the name calling was over-the-top, BUT, hell, she's the one defending 'crappy" behaviour. Alas, I admit "poop girl" was uncalled for (I guess)and I was just sticking up for us women who find that abnormal. Sorry to offend. Man? THAT'S what offends? Go figure. I maintain I'm a lucky girl if that's the case!

Anonymous said...

What about "used twat" and "shit cleaner." Sounds like you went way over the top to me. She wasn't defending the lazy asses that can't wipe their asses correctly. She wasn't defending the asshole men who think that they have a wife to clean that up. She was just saying that shit happens ever so often and you didn't have to be so hostile about the whole thing. She didn't even call it "normal." Just that it might happen once in a great while. Chill out about it.

Anonymous said...

okay, she stated "it happens quite often". That's enough for me to comment. If the girl is satisfied, good on her... off to Jerry Springer. I just fucking wanted the women that come here to know that that is not normal. For fucks sake! Where the bloody hell are you women from? So good now? Done with this? Go back to "to each his own"? The " Break out The Lysol v. The My Husband Doesn't Crap All Over"? Good now? Truce? And yeah, I'm mad -- this use to be a "confessional" now it's a weirdo fest. I liked it so much better when it was secret confessions, not stupid gross complaints. So sod off. And, in my very best 6 year old tone ...'i was here before you". And I'm not talking about you, 530, just those/that weird poop women.

Anonymous said...

Okay already! Listen to how ridiculous you sound. You make it sound like anyone who accidently gets crap on the seat is just a dirty dog. What if he has a problem like explosive diarrhea? Most people who get crap on the toilet seat wipe it off, Yes? Yes, so this one womans man or maybe a few womens men have a problem. Do you criticize and belittle! I think you already have. Really, listen to yourself. Get a life and quit analyzing other peoples poop problems.

Anonymous said...

"explosive diarrhea"? Okay.
You are just gross, this is way beyond this venue, move it along, seek medical help, if this kind of thing is happening in your life I appoligize, please get help. I was speaking about men that had a whole other issue and women that had issues dealing with it.

Anonymous said...

Grow up 9:50, nobody gives a shit anymore what you think!

Anonymous said...

Hey, number 457. The day I went to pick out a wedding dress, my mother watched for about five mnutes then excused herself to 'go check on my dog.' So when I was trying on wedding dresses, my mother was out in the parking lot with her dog. My MIL and all the people in the wedding shop helped me pick out a wedding dress. And wondered why my mother was such a weirdo. Wish I had the answer.

Anonymous said...

454 - oh how fucking evil can you be??

Anonymous said...

I agree on #454. how can you say you're a wife, that you're really trynig to have a marriage when you're fucking someone else? and I bet you don't think it affects your kids, but it does. in ways you can't even recognize.

make a choice, cause right now you are disgusting, sleazy, and selfish.

Anonymous said...

Angry, name calling hater!

Anonymous said...

So I'm the author of confession 459... and to just clear things up, my husband does not intentionally shit on the toilet seat. What happens is that once in a while (did you get that..ONCE IN A WHILE) He will leave a smear on the very back of the seat from reaching back to wipe his ass. Maybe it's because he's a big guy...(he's 6'4" and 225 lbs).. I don't really know and I gave up trying to figure it out awhile ago. It's never a large amount, but since I'm obsesed with cleanliness I ALWAYS notice. He's not a slob or a dirty guy. He's just a man with who doesn't always pay attention to small details. He isn't perfect, and neither am I or YOU!! Get a grip people, it's such a stupid thing to argue over. Why the name calling anyway? Women can be so bitchy and mean.

Adryenn Ashley said...

Nearly 70% of all marriages that end are due to financial stress. Add to that crushing statistic that divorce has not only become acceptable, but nearly inevitable! Why? Because we as a society don't take the time to do the work up front to ensure lifelong happiness. In fact, many smart, single girls revert back to schoolgirl fantasies once the ring goes on their finger. Faster than their guy can get up off of bended knee, these girls are pulling out the bridal magazines and obsessing over napkins and cake flavors. Combining two well-lived lives requires as much attention, more in fact, as planning a fairytale wedding. So Every Single Girl's Guide To Her Future Husband's Last Divorce is my contribution to all future second wives out there so they can learn the ropes without getting in the ring. We owe it to ourselves and our families to protect our ASSets!