Amazing Race
I'm In Russia, Playing With Dolls

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Drivers, divers, and dolls

When all the teams arrive in Moscow, they get cabs. Notably, when Fran and Barry try to explain where they're going, they use a swimming-arms motion (previously seen as Charla's symbol for "ferry" in one of the fucking funniest scenes ever on this show), meaning that either they found out something from the people on the plane, or you can tell from the clue that there is swimming at the location where they're going. Other teams pile into cabs. Eric and Jeremy wind up sharing with Danielle and Dani, and MoJo shares with Dave and Lori. I like it when Joseph refers to their driver as "hauling balls," and it makes me sad that the FCC is about to make it impossible for comments like that to make it through, since apparently everything has to be entirely appropriate for five-year-olds, or it can't be on TV. (In this week's FCC news: "Bullshit" is pretty much always going to get you a fine; "dickhead" is not. Just so you know. I quote directly: "For the reasons stated below, we find 'dick' and its derivative, 'dickhead,' not to be patently offensive in this context, whereas we find 'bullshit' to be patently offensive in this context." So apparently, the parents out there don't want their kids to start saying "bullshit," but don't mind if they start calling each other "dickhead." You know, those are the kinds of distinctions that only a small, lean government taking the attitude that citizens are best equipped to handle their own lives can possibly be expected to draw. I mean, my mother totally would not have cared as between my use of those two words. Shows you what she knows.)

"Wow, Russia," Tyler says in the cab. "It's got a bitter chill that killed Napoleon's troops." I've got your bitter chill right here, dude. I mean, isn't it that kind of natural, unrehearsed wit for which you watch television? They're so natural, you can barely tell they're acting! In other regrettable news, Monica: "All I know is Russian people drink and smoke a whole lot." Even if you're not-broad-minded to the point where that's actually all you know, and even if it's arguably true on a statistical level, you probably don't want to say that.

BJ and Tyler arrive at the complex. They pull the clue, which is a Roadblock. It says, "Who wants to take the plunge?" As Phil explains, in this Roadblock, one person will put on a bathing suit and go outside in the cold, climb up to the ten-meter diving board, and jump in. Then, the person will dive down to retrieve an underwater clue. Tyler takes it. Fran and Barry show up, and Barry takes the Roadblock. Ray and Yolanda arrive, and because he did the last one, she takes this one. She is unhappy when she sees the details of what it is, because she can't swim. Which...I mean, what were they thinking "take the plunge" was going to be? I'm also not really sure what "I don't know how to swim" means coming from her. She says she tends to sink, but I also think her standards for what it means to be able to do an athletic activity are probably higher than, say, mine. I mean, I would tell you I can swim, but that doesn't mean it will look elegant.


Amazing Race




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