Forever a small fish in a big pond

Wednesday, 25 September 2019

They don't like you..... But they'll be checking your page religiously.

Building my blog, has been a blessing in many ways, it has amazed me how far some of my posts have stretched and how many people have taken the time to read my stories, in that sense it has made me feel proud, proud that my stories, my writing, has played a part in spreading awareness, even if only in a small way. It's also been responsible for giving me the opportunity to meet some wonderful people. In December 2018 I held my first Bristol Dwarfism Social, I met some amazing individuals who had all learnt about me through my blog. My blog brought that group of people together. My blog was responsible for the friendships made. It was responsible for people realising they weren't on their own.. as crazy as it seems.. my blog, changed lives.

It most certainly changed mine. Sometimes things are easier to put in writing. Sometimes when my voice shakes, my keyboard does the talking for me. It's been something which has developed my confidence massively, the response I have received, the love, support, messages of encouragement. The messages saying "Thank you", the messages saying I had made a "Difference" to someones live. That's something I never imagined was possible when I first started writing.

I never imaged the happiness my blog would bring, but likewise, I never could've dreamt of the sadness that came with it.


That's the record. The most I've ever received in a day. 5. That's how many people. How many messages. How many comments. How many times my heart has sunk in one day.

-Circus act

Ok they're just words. But they're words that hurt. Especially when sprung on you without warning, in a supermarket, in a dance rehearsal... In the middle of a university lecture. They are words that are hard to ignore when they are right there in front of you in the notification tab.

For a while I thought about giving it all in, packing up the blog and every comment that went with it. The grief I get on the streets, that's enough.. More than enough, but that has an escape. That stops when I walk in my door, however where one stops, another starts, only this time, I have the power to end it.


I can't begin to even try and tally, the times my hand has been shaking over that button, It would be so easy. So easy to wipe it all, in one click of  a button it can be gone, the comments, the words, the hurt... just like that.... but with it, goes the work, the heart, the passion, the achievements.... the three years spent connecting with people, all because they clicked on the blog, the three years of positive messages saying thank you, saying that I had helped them, saying that I had reassured them.... three years of making a difference.

I don't have to open the messages, most of the time I don't. Sometimes social media gives me no choice and the message appears there, loud and clear on my screen. That's the times I fight the urge to delete. But why reject my hard work, when I can reject one stupid sentence sent to me by someone who probably couldn't even tell you my name, in one click of a button the message can be gone... and sometimes, it sticks, and it lingers, and sometimes the pain stays a while, sometimes it takes me a while to forget.... but it takes me even longer to forget the messages of love, grattitude, appreciation and support I recieve. They are the ones that stick most, the ones that matter. The ones that remind me everyday why I don't press delete, why I don't give in.... and don't give up.

So if you have a passion follow it, have a dream chase it.... will everyone like it? No? Will everyone appreciate it... defintely not... but whether it was a blog, a career, a song, a book.... someone would find something, somehwhere to not be happy about- but surely all that matters is that we're happy. Because if we're happy, those who are true to us will be happy for us. And you know what they say... those who matter don't mind..... and those who mind... certainly do not matter.

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