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Your mind automatically absorbs all incoming information and as it finds a home, it primes and programs your mind. Your thinking, emotions, words, actions, and habits automatically and directly reflect what you're allowing to enter your mind. Yes, I said allowing. You have a choice. No one is forcing you to watch, read, and listen to negative and destructive garbage in books, on the radio, TV, or social media. No one is forcing you to spend time with people who take value instead of give value. You're choosing what goes into your mind. You don't have to hang out with people who are a waste of your time. The difference between those who are successful and have their act and life together and those who are unsuccessful and can't get their act and life together is what they choose to program their mind with. Having your act together more than everyone else doesn't make you a square or uncool. It automatically causes you to stand out as the person others look up to and as a leader. It makes you the person whose life is easier and more rewarding. It makes you more intimidating and more likely to be treated the way you expect. It makes you the person people ask about and are intrigued with. Being the example, not only for ourselves but for those around us, has its rewards but also comes with an interesting position - less fun and more responsibility. Eyes are on you, you're required to think longer and harder about what you're doing, and you're under the microscope and under more scrutiny. You have to watch your step more carefully and it requires more self-awareness. Because we're becoming lazier, less responsible, less disciplined, and we only want what's fast and easy, we're avoiding the position of being the example. We don't want the difficulty of filling those shoes. If getting your act together is your ultimate goal, you're going to, by default, wind up being the example.

It's impossible to have your act together and not be the example - not wanting to be the example is a clear indicator of not having your act together yet. Set the example for those around you. Show everyone exactly what they should be doing to get on, what they consider, is the right track. Don't cut yourself slack. Give them a show. Show them what's possible. Show them exactly how much you have it together. Be on time, be dependable, keep yourself together, make good decisions, take action, and be consistent. The question "Should I rent or should I buy?" has tormented people for decades, with no easy answer. Considerations ranging from personal budget to family size to location shape how one comes to a decision. But for those looking to enhance their level of happiness, the answer seems pretty clear: Stick with a rental. The Telegraph conducted a survey of 5,800 United Kingdom citizens to investigate whether people were happier renting or owning their homes. The survey questions focused on how financial circumstances contributed to happiness and stress levels, and the results showed that those who rented a detached home were the least stressed. Even though the survey found that people who rent their homes tended to spend a greater portion of their finances on housing, the survey results also showed that homeowners were just as likely to list money as their biggest concern. The survey also found that people renting a room or a detached house were more likely than those who owned their homes to believe they had a good work-life balance. Not only that, renters reported enjoying relaxing at home more than homeowners, who tended to put traveling as one of their primary keys to happiness. Consider simplifying your life and reducing stress by just renting your place. It became increasingly unnerving to me that the subject of suicide was a considerable backstory in my short life. I attempted suicide. I lost three childhood friends to suicide, and the sensational suicides of others made things even worse.

I often asked myself, "Why were these news stories on my radar?" Part of the reason, according to author and psychologist Dr Otto Wahl, was that the culture of that time--and, to some extent, still today--was filled with sensationalism about mental illness. Stories of mad doctors, maniacal murderers, and mentally unstable individuals dominated film, television, and news media. Because of my biology and my biography, I was sensitive to the themes of depression and suicide. And because these startling stories were out there in print, on television, and making the rounds at gossip mills, it made for a dangerous mix. Luckily, things began to shift as I continued working on my depressive and personal issues in psychotherapy. As months turned to years, and years turned into decades, I resisted plugging into the shocking news stories of ordinary and extraordinary individuals who died by suicide. It's not to say such information bounced off of me like Teflon, or that I turned a cold cheek to such actions. Whenever I learned of a person who died by suicide, my heart sank. But in order to move through these events, my mind-set had to change. Slowly, my perspective evolved from viewing the world as a half-empty cup to the half-full one. Psychotherapy does that--it corrects your emotional and cognitive experiences. And in doing so, something profound happened. I began to live with my depression and not fear that I would die from it. Imagine getting a harmonious home life, free of nit picking and disagreements. This one, powerful question of "What can I do for you?" will make them feel loved, honoured, and respected. It's a powerful, but simple exercise I believe in, because I've seen it give me the results I want, time and time again. When you combine the five sensual love building triggers with this explosive pleasure center intensifier technique, your love life will become something that others only dream of. Now, this one is perfect when the flame of passion has begun to dwindle in your relationship, or if after several disagreements with your significant other, you want to mend the disconnection. This technique may seem physical, but it's actually all about repairing or tightening the emotional connection, through the physical act. The pleasure center intensifier technique is all about focusing on your partner's erogenous zones to enhance passion, bliss and longing and when done correctly, it's a shortcut to bringing the relationship back to where it was in the honeymoon stage!

All you have to do is touch your partner in his erogenous zones--those pleasure point and sensitive areas of your partner's body. Lightly trace their toes, bottom of the feet, stomach, back of the legs, earlobes, neck, lips, and back. Then, after taking time with this (by stroking, rubbing and tracing the body), you can let them ravish you. It's powerful, and the passion is immediate! Trust is a point of contention for many individuals. Earning it is exceptionally hard and losing it only takes a few moments, but once you have it and if you can hold it, you will create lasting friendships and relationships that can fundamentally alter your life. So, it's incredibly important that you learn not only what it takes to merit trust from others but how to gain and hold that trust. First, consider what people expect from each other. Putting cynicism aside, most people expect nothing more than honesty from their friends and loved ones. If you want someone to trust you, give them every reason to do so. More than that, don't let situations develop in which you don't appear to be honest. For example, neglecting to inform someone about something that they need to know or feel they need to know could be seen as a breach of trust. Just because you don't tell your girlfriend that you are going to Las Vegas for the weekend doesn't mean she won't feel hurt if she finds out, even if nothing happens. You create a situation where there might not have been one. This type of situation can occur in almost any setting - in a workplace where you neglect to inform your boss that you are running behind on a project, a family function you make an excuse to miss or a friend you leave out of an outing with other friends, simply by omission. For those of you who say, "I like to be spontaneous and I don't want to plan my life," know this: showing up requires planning an activity ahead of time and scheduling it. You're very unlikely to show up for something that requires effort if you don't have a plan in place to do so. Most of us crave freedom, yet without structure we fall apart. As the guiding principle of this chapter states, it is true that the busier we are, the more efficient and productive we are. It's also true that the more flexibility there is in our schedules, the more we tend to meander and the less we tend to accomplish.

Keep in mind that you can fill your schedule with enjoyable activities. If your value is taking time for relaxation, you can schedule in a bubble bath, shopping with a friend, or going out to an enjoyable meal. A busy schedule need not be synonymous with a boring or grueling schedule. A full schedule simply means that you have direction to help you initiate activities that might activate happiness throughout the day. You may say, "I'll follow through when I feel motivated...I'm just not motivated yet." If you wait to be moved by motivation, you are stuck in a TRAP. Many people procrastinate at home but not at work, and you may be similar. My guess is that's because at work the whole team might suffer from your procrastination, but at home the only person who will suffer from procrastination is you. So you throw your future-self under the bus to avoid temporary discomfort. This is a universal TRAP that we all fall into. You may say, "There must be something wrong with me. I thought I'd enjoy that activity--playing with my kids, going for a walk, working on my creative writing--but I didn't." Consider the following reasons this could be happening and see if one of them applies to your experience. You May Be Distracting Yourself Away from a Pleasant Experience: We can distract ourselves away from joy, whether intentionally or unintentionally, when we leave the present moment behind. To see first-hand how this works, try the following exercise. For your next meal or snack, hopefully you are going to eat something that is tasty to you. When it's time to eat, set a timer for 30 seconds. For that half-minute, be totally aware of the tastiness you are eating. Notice the flavor dancing on your tongue, the texture, the magical sensation that pulses through your body (especially if it's chocolate). Whatever you notice, just luxuriate in the taste. Then once again set the timer for 30 seconds and keep eating. This time, as you eat think about what you're going to wear tomorrow, who has birthdays coming up, or when you need to make your credit-card payment.