Path:!!!!!!!!!!ucberkeley!!!torn!cunews!prince!mhoye From: (Michael Hoye) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan Subject: Re: [TAN] Airline security folks. Date: 11 Oct 2001 04:41:19 GMT Organization: Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada Lines: 81 Message-ID: <9q37tf$nqs$> References: <9q2k3f$lhs2q$> <> <9q30uo$dlk$> NNTP-Posting-Host: NNTP-Posting-User: mhoye Xref: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan:221251 In article , Michael Bruce wrote: >On 11 Oct 2001 02:42:32 GMT, Brian Trosko wrote: >> >> The armadillo crack was perfect. If by "something" you really just mean >> "anything," then armadillos would serve equally well as troops; neither >> will keep hijackers out of the cockpit, but the armadillos are probably >> cuter. > >Possibly more effective, even. Were I a terrorist, I think I could respond >appropriately to armed troops standing around (i.e. smile and look normal), >but herds of armadillos at security checkpoints would freak me out. What >if they're terrorist-sniffing armadillos? If they weren't, why would they >be there? Great. In the absence of an actual plan, instead of employing military forces of dubious value, we're going to employ _surrealism_. "Welcome to American Airlines, sir. Here's your avocado - remember to keep it turned on and with you at all times. Please turn your luggage over to the armadillos for rootling." - This has not happened before. What do the Armadillos do? And why am I carrying this avocado? What kind of infidel trick is this? - /sweat starts/ "Sir, you have read our cat handling procedures?" "Cat handling? No. I was not told about cat handling. I do not have a cat." "You'll be provided with one, sir, but if you don't know the cat handling procedures, sir, you won't be able to store your avocado for the flight." /sweats harder/ - I have spent years learning to speak their infidel language. I speak it well. What is this about, and why would I want to store an avocado in a cat before takeoff? What is "rootling"? - "I do not want to store an avocado in a cat. I want to get on the plane." "Shortly, sir. The aardvarks are almost done their rootling." "You said armadillos. You mentioned no aardvarks. What is an aardvark?" "The armadillos had some concerns about your luggage, sir. The aardvarks were called in as a precautionary measure." - I do not like all of these animals. There were no armadillos in the Plan. I do not wish to go to Allah having been thwarted by armadillos. - /sweat keeps going/ "Very well, sir. Your suitcase has been cleared of ants and your groucho glasses are ready. Please feel free to climb that down escalator and board your flight." - Groucho glasses? - "Thank you." /walks away, wearing groucho glasses/ *click* "Security here. Yes, maam. Yes. Groucho glasses. Yes, we're on it. C'mon, guys. Somebody gave an aardvark a nose-cut: somebody who can't deal with deconstructionist humor. Code Blue." Boy, the straws smart people make up to grasp at... -- Mike Hoye