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Relationship Saver

This is a story about Kaveri. But before introducing her, I would like to introduce other characters so as to give them a fair scope of recognition. To start with, I would like to mention Ashraf and Sarah. Theirs is a simple love story - met in college, fell in love, got married and living happily together. One more person who needs to be mentioned is Ravindra. Ravindra possessed all the good traits that a guy would ask for. He was a focused, career-minded person who knew what he wanted out of his life. His life was fully planned. Studied hard at school, scored high grades, then took up engineering and excelled there too and finally got himself a decent job in reputed firm. He kept himself away from all the temptations that any guy his age would easily fall for - alcohol, cigarettes, and girls. He always behaved like a responsible person and took charge of the family matters in spite of being the youngest one in the family. A Decent guy is what every body would call him. Many even referred to him as almost perfect. Almost may be, but not perfect. He had one flaw in him. He was an egotistic man. Perhaps Ego shadows Perfection.

And now it's time to introduce Kaveri. Kaveri was herself an egotistic person; plus she was smart and stubborn. She was a born winner. She was good at everything she did, whether it was sports, college projects, dance competition, or pranks for that matter. Ashraf, Sarah, Kaveri and I became friends since the first day of college. Kaveri was rightfully chosen as the leader of the group. Kaveri played different roles at different times. Whenever there was a need she would become an Agony Aunt, a Friend, a Philosopher and often a Counselor. She always had solutions to all problems. At all times she seemed to be having complete control over her life.

Kaveri fell in love with Ravindra and both got married. Their relationship lasted for 3 years before marriage and everything seemed to be going perfectly fine. But soon after marriage Ravindra attempted to dominate the relationship. Kaveri's confidence gave birth to his insecurities and he felt a need to outsmart her on every occasion. With each passing day Ravindra's domination over Kaveri increased. Ravindra overruled every decision Kaveri took for the family. All her suggestions were turned down harshly. At first it happened with in the closed walls of their house, but then Ravindra started exhibiting his domination in front of us. He started treating her more as an assistant than as a wife. Whenever there was a get-together, Ravindra would create a scene. Kaveri didn't felt embarrassed over all this, but she was hurt. No matter what issue Ravindra chose to justify his anger, Kaveri was always able to see through them. She knew what bothered him. She tried to normalize their relationship, but more maturely she behaved more distant Ravindra became from her.

One day, we all gathered at Ashraf's place to celebrate Kaveri's recent promotion at work. It was a moment of happiness for her, but Ravindra didn't care to let it remain that way. While Ashraf, Sarah and I were engrossed in our friendly banter, we suddenly heard Ravindra yelling. He was about to hit her, but then stopped suddenly and barged out of the house. For the first time we saw tears in Kaveri's eyes. She kept looking at the door hoping Ravindra would come back, but he didn't.

Sarah escorted Kaveri to the sofa. She offered handkerchief to Kaveri, but Kaveri refused to take it. We all knew Kaveri would never take suggestions from anyone, but Sarah couldn't hold herself and began advising.
"Kavi! I think you two should go for counseling to see if there is a reason to keep this marriage together."
Kaveri didn't utter a word, but I could see she was into deep thinking.
Moments later Ashraf joined Sarah...
"Kavi, you should now accept that this relationship has no chance of survival. I know a good lawyer. You should meet him." At this Kaveri stood up and hugged both of them.
"I will leave now and don't worry about me. I will manage. I feel fortunate to have friends like you. You have always wished good things for me. But I can't take your advice."
She then looked towards me.
"Mann, drop me at my place." That was her style. She never requested or suggested, only ordered.
"Ok" I said and joined her.

I had lot of things going on in mind but I knew there was no point talking to her, she just won't listen. So I decided to keep quite.
When we reached close to her house, Kaveri looked at me.
"You have nothing to say?" she asked.
"No point in saying anything when it's not going to make a difference." I replied curtly.
"I know what I am doing Mann. Have faith in me. Things would be alright." Kaveri tried to assure me.
"What are you doing?" I asked without much interest.
"I am not quitting on my relationship. I have decided to mend it. Nurture it with the Love."
"How do you plan to do that?" I asked.
"I have already started doing what I need to do. Every time any such incident occurs, when Ravindra hurts me I just go to my room and talk to my diary. I write down what had happened, how I feel about it and in the end I start listing all the reasons that made me love him. I keep adding reasons till I convince myself that my love for him is more powerful than my anger. I go back and treat him like he has never hurt me." Kaveri seemed determined but I was skeptical about her concept.

"And you think this would change him?" I asked.
"I don't wish to change him. I have decided to accept him as he is." Kaveri replied.
"I would like to see how far this will take your relationship." I expressed my doubt.
"It's going to keep my relationship alive." Kaveri claimed.
"Then I will ask you after 5 years, whether you are happy with your relationship?"

Today after 5 years, I have realized Kaveri was right. She not only maintained the relationship but also had groomed it further. With time Ravindra came to realize the selflessness of Kaveri's love. He no longer attempts to dominate her and gives her all the respect she deserves. Ravindra changed himself and that has changed their relationship too. Their relationship could survive through the tough phase of life only because Kaveri refused to give up on it. Today they both live a happy life.

Kaveri's idea about relationship has surfaced in my mind again. She was right about relationship...
Relationship is not about finding a perfect person and then falling in love. Relationship is about accepting the person you love without judging.

Problems occur in relationship when we start judging things on right or wrong basis. Why do we need to label anything as right or wrong? Being right or wrong is just a matter of opinion and varies from person to person. Whatever makes a person uncomfortable is judged as wrong. That's not the way it has to be. If that is the case we could never guarantee whatever we do would be considered right. Can we? Then the question if the other person is right or wrong shouldn't arise.

With judgment comes disappointment as not everyone would reach up to our expectation. The disappointment then leads to pain and stress. And when we are hurt we completely forget what made us love the person in the first place. We focus only on the behavior that had caused us stress and forget everything else. We fail to realize that there's more to a person than one act of unkindness. Initially we tend to keep it to ourselves. We don't let it out nor do we forget it. We keep saying to ourselves that we are adjusting or compromising by forgiving the other person. But that we think of forgiveness says that we believe what the person did was wrong. With that labeling process, we just continue to build a perception of the other person as being wrong again and again. We keep comforting ourselves and building up anger towards the other person. Then comes a day we decide we can't take any more and we react impulsively damaging the very relationship for which we were willing to suffer. Often we damage the relationship to an extent that it becomes Irreparable. Forgiving is easier said than done.

When we accept others the way they are, we accept the fact that not always will they do things that we like. Some times they would bother us, irritate us or even hurt us. But in spite of all that if we remember they are the very people who love us then our anger would subside automatically.

In a relationship Forgiveness is not the solution, but Acceptance is! Acceptance may seem like a bitter medicine to swallow but it cures the relationship of the disease called Separation.
Life is not a dream
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

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