Thursday, June 26, 2014

Rant With Purpose: Aspie Routines ~ Why I Like School

I really enjoy going to college.
And not just because I get to learn neat stuff.

A major reason is because it gives me a routine.
I live in the campus dorms during the school year, and typically I get a room to myself due to my Asperger's Syndrome. This gives me complete control of my surroundings, and no one would be taking me by surprise by entering the room. But that's not the only thing that helps me... another major element of college that keeps me sane is... the syllabus. Whoever invented it must have had the mind of an aspie.
On top of that, I get a meal plan with my room-and-board expenses. So I don't have to worry about starving to death if I'm too overwhelmed to cook.
But seriously, the routine. I would have classes at the same times on the same days, and the homework is all nice and laid out on the syllabus. Do you have any idea how awesome that is???

If you don't know why I think it's awesome, allow me to explain.

People with Asperger's thrive when they have a routine and things are in order. This is due to the way the aspie brain is wired.

It takes a lot more energy to process information and external stimuli, so we can become easily overwhelmed with the world, and feel as though we have a lack of control. But with a routine, we at least have control over something. We need constants, repetition, and familiarity to feel secure. We can't just "go with the flow." It takes too much time and effort to adjust.

The reason why I am posting this is because I'm currently frustrated with living at home. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome family, a nice house, and it's usually pretty quiet around here. But there are a few "minor" factors that can cause me to mentally "flee," or send my brain spiraling into depression and confusion.

1. Despite any routine I set, there are rarely any constants.
Yes, I have taken every day of the week into consideration. I know I have chores on Saturdays, church on Sundays, etc. But even after I've added all that into my routine, things still pop up. Things like appointments and unexpected responsibilities. I want to be able to deal with these like a normal person but I can't! Sure, when a family member asks for a favor I'd do it, like a decent human being. But it's at the cost of all my plans and sanity for the day, because by the time my brain re-schedules the things I'm behind on, the day is over!!!

2. I'm never guaranteed to have solitude at particular times.
Everyone else's schedules vary, so family members would be in and out of the house at random. They don't cause any trouble for me or anything, so I try not to let it bug me. But I can really only be myself in solitude, and if I don't know when I'm getting it, I have to wear my NT mask 24/7. It's definitely not good for my brain. I mean, I can pull it off, but at the expense of my at-home tasks...? They need to get done at some point...

I'm sure there are a few other factors, but that's all I can think of for now.

As a result of these, my motivation to do anything tends to be snuffed out easily. Even the things I enjoy aren't very enjoyable when I'm here. I'm lucky if I get the urge to play a particular video game, even. And even if I try to follow through with that and play that game... someone could be using the TV. So it's just not worth it, seeking anything enjoyable.

Normally I try not to rant online when I feel like this. But I'm so sick of keeping it to myself. So there. I figured people would want to know the bad stuff, and not just the good stuff related to having Asperger's.