Sunday, October 16, 2005

Auz Olympics

Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the Sydney Olympic committee via their Web site, and answers supplied where appropriate.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.


A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

Q: Which direction should I drive Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...

A: And accomplish what?

A: I'm not touching this one...


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...

A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...

A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

A: Another blonde?

A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.


Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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