Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Burning up inside, no-one seems to tell.

Today in justice I started thinking about a bunch of things, most of them unrelated to the class.

- In class the professor mentioned how certain rules can be "Fair" but weighted, like how if you had a team of tall soccor players and a team of short ones and you installed a metal bar at about 6' height in the center of the field it would be equal treatment (because both teams would have to contend with the bar) but clearly weighted to the advantage of one group. Well that, as most sports metaphors I hear these days do, got me thinking about Jeff and the NBA. Jeff, if you haven't picked this up already, was a pretty good basketball player back in high school and college. In fact he says that he probably could have played in the NBA and probably WOULD have had he been 5 inches taller. I'm not sure if I believe THAT but I do believe that he loves the game and probably could have at least had a chance at being (more) successful in it if he had had a few more inches of height. So is it unjust that he's 5'7" and I...who have never been serious about about 5'11"-6'. I would say it's not unjust because nature is neither just nor unjust, but it does bring home how unreasonable NBA salaries are and how far divorced from reality sports are. I mean here's a guy who loves the sport as much as anyone else but can't play it professionally and is almost margainalized as a fan because he's not into the pro game. When did games like basketball etc go from being diversions on a field or court to a well honed business built purely on winning at all costs and margianalizing the rest of the game. I don't think pro sports were always like this. I think at one time they were sort of extensions of the suburban games...on a grander scale with professional participants and higher stakes but still fundementally tied in to the lower levels. Now they're so far much was lost when money reared its ugly head?

-I think I want to start listening to a discman again on campus and before and after classes. This was a practice I engaged in during my first semester back at school and one that carried over into the summer until "She" appeared. After that I stopped because I would sit in the corner talking to Ian and hoping against hope that she'd come over and chat with us as she did from time to time. Then I stopped wearing them on the street and on my way to class because I thought I might bump into her and didn't want to seem unavailable. But that's all moot now. And I'm finding myself missing the other effect of headphones which is the music. In fact I am quite often late to my JUSTICE class becuase I'm sitting at home listening to music not wanting to leave it. So since there's not really any reason why I should prize social availability and there is plenty of reason why I'd want some music to listen to...maybe it's time to go back. Of course I've changed a HELL of a lot from the summer in MANY many ways (you can see for yourself if you go back to my earliest journals which were at the end of the summer anyway) and I don't intend to slide all the way back, but maybe music would be nice. Plus I need to get one anyway for my oral surgery. hehe...I said Oral. hehe.

I know that I write a lot in this journal but I've thought about it ever since Jeff, on Monday, said maybe I should cut down and I think it's important. It's a freeform method of self expression where I can theorize and ponder anything and everything. One of the things I don't like about school is how constraining it is. Think about X from 10-12, think about Y from 6-8 etc. I don't like having my thoughts regulated like that. I don't like it at all. The journal allows me to explore things in my mind and then get them down and out there in the world as they come to me. This is a good thing I think as it will prepare me for the day when my job is not quite so self-contained and specific as school is (Maybe I'll be thinking about one thing for a set period of time but it won't be one small aspect of that one thing, at least I hope it won't.) Plus I enjoy it and it lets me be intellectual without being resentful.

Later Today: A treatise on intimacy and trust as some lady requested

Random Note: I was just thinking about how much Jeff has meant to me over the last couple of years and how he helped steer me in the right direction when I took a leave from schol and was really floundering. He's helped me with things like direction and confidence and all that other crap that people need to survive. And he's proven no matter how much I might deny it that at least at times he does care and is willing to go beyond the demands of duty (although he does this for ALL his clients so it says something about how willing to care he is not that I'm worth caring about) so thank you Jeff. Thanks for all that shiznat. You money grubbing Jew.
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