Dear Abby: I'm running out of energy to relate compassionately with all the addicts and mentally ill people in my family.


My mother is an alcoholic. My aunt is bipolar and schizophrenic. She is addicted to and abusing prescription painkillers and anti-anxiety medicines.

My husband is an alcoholic in denial who lies about his alcohol consumption, and my stepmother is mentally abusive and, I strongly suspect, also bipolar. These people are all retired, while I work a physically and mentally demanding full-time job.

I'm usually the one who is blamed when things don't go right. Mother asked me to remove all alcohol from her home so she could stop drinking. When I didn't find it all, it was my fault she drank. I escorted my aunt on a cruise during which she abused drugs to the point she could barely walk.

When my husband drinks, he runs up our credit card to the tune of $20,000.

Short of "divorcing" all of them and starting a new life in an undisclosed location, what advice can you offer?

- Nearly Sucked Dry

Dear Nearly: Because you can't get away to see a counselor because of the demands of your job, pick up a couple of books on co-dependency and read them cover to cover. Then practice protecting yourself by learning to say no when an alcoholic makes you responsible for clearing the booze out of her house or a drug-addicted relative invites you to take a "vacation" that guarantees you'll become her nurse.

Discuss with a lawyer how to separate your finances from your deadbeat husband's so he can't dig you deeper into debt the next time he chooses to go on a bender. You don't have to "divorce" anyone as long as you learn how to draw the line.

P.S. Al-Anon can be reached toll-free at 1-888-425-2666.

Dear Abby: My sister is always late sending birthday presents to my children - sometimes up to a month or two after their birthdays. I find it a bad and disrespectful example, so I asked that she send them either on time or not at all. It did no good. She complained that I am being "unfair to hold her to a deadline."

My sister has all year to plan around these events, and I think she needs to be more responsible. It's affecting our relationship. Please advise.

- Calendar Gal

Dear Calendar Gal: If you could see all of the letters I receive from readers complaining that they receive no gifts, you would realize that your children are lucky to be remembered.

Although I agree that sending birthday presents as long as a month or two late sends a message that their special day is not of primary importance to your sister, please don't let this create a rift. Explain to your children that Auntie loves them but is disorganized.


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