Noel Edmonds knows secrets of existence, is still game-show host

Ed Williamson

5th August 2015

Noel Edmonds has revealed in an interview with the Daily Mirror that human beings do not in fact die, and are composed only of energy. The corporeal form is merely a host for this energy, which becomes "part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy" on its expiration.

"There isn't such a thing as death, it's just departure," he confirmed. "You cannot die. It's been known for a very long time."

Meanwhile, sufferers worldwide breathed a sigh of relief as Edmonds assured them that Aids is not a problem at all.

The biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it's not Aids, it's electro smog.

In full knowledge of the secrets of the cosmos and the meaning of existence, Edmonds continues to present a game show in which contestants open a series of red boxes.


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