December 26, 2008

Space to Breathe...

This post contains profane, coarse, foul, rude, vulgar...language. You don't like it ? Fuck off !

I will ask SOME of you to STOP sending me e.mails. I do not care about your e.mails. They are a waste of time for me. They contain for the most part nonsense, shit I don't need to read or know about, stories that don't concern me...

And I don't want to receive any of your patronizing, paternalistic, pompous, condescending, e.mails either. I don't need your advice, I don't need you to tell me what language to speak, what idioms to use, what is lady like or not lady like, I don't want your critiques nor your feedback unless I ask for them. I am not your student and you are definitely not my master, teacher, or advisor. So fuck off and let me be.

My blog is the space for me to breathe, to fucking take a breath away from you and the reality you imposed upon me. Do get that into your fucking thick skulls.

I am not here to befriend you and become buddies, nor am I expecting you to love me, like me or approve of me. I don't give a fuck what you think or don't think. And I am not here to manage your feelings, your political correctness, and your ideological bents. Again I don't give a fuck about them.

I am here for me and to relay and convey to you some truths. You may accept them or not...that is besides the point for me. They are my/our truths. And I am using "our" because I know that many Iraqis feel and think the same way I do, but they lost their voices...I haven't. So you will keep hearing me until I decide otherwise.

Is it not enough that I and others had to put up with your criminality, lies, double standards, destruction, hypocrisy, murder -- and you have the fucking audacity to write to me preaching ???

What are you preaching about you fucking idiots ? You have nothing to preach, you are a fucking goner. Your days are OVER. Do you get that ? Your days are OVER.

You have no leg to stand on. All your masks have been torn away one by one and they were many. You have lost credibility, respect, standing, value, and what the fuck are you preaching about ?

Some write to me asking me to use "polite language", some write to me telling me I should be a "lady", some write to me asking me to remain "calm and not too excited"...Fuck that shit.

This stuff is for the graveyards...You be polite in your tombs once you get there, or be polite while queuing at the fucking morgue, or be polite when you are running from one prison to another searching for your loved ones...and behave like a fucking lady if you can. Yeah that's right behave like a fucking lady. Get ganged raped and tortured by your "liberators", have acid thrown at you, be forced to shut up, lose your home, lose your kids, lose your parents, lose your husband, lose your brothers and sisters...But hey, be a lady now !

And do stay calm and don't get over excited when EVERYTHING has been taken away from you. Stay Zen, really calm. This is what some schizoid Northerner wrote to me lately. Stay calm. Of course in this person's country everyone is so fucking calm they blow their brains out through suicide out of fucking despair, because of the inner "calmness". But he/she does not see that...he/she only sees how the other should be, should behave, should speak, should articulate - Me.

Fancy that ?! Telling the occupied what he/she should feel. Asking the victim to measure her words, her sentences, her idioms so you don't get too ruffled. Tone down the fucking injustice so you can keep a good face to the outer world and to yourselves. Tone it down you say...fuck you again. I will not tone it down. I will scream it as loud as I can, until you get tortured by it and go fucking insane. Just the same way you tortured us with your non-stop music banging at our heads in the dark cells...until we went insane...

And the F word...ohhhh the F word. How you cringe at the F word. And the shit word, and the ass shake your heads in horror don't you ?

Yet, you motherfuckers, your programs are full of the fuck, shit and ass word. Your language is filled with it and you use it generously, with the hajjis, the ayrabs, the muzzies and the eyeraqis. Don't you ?

And not only that, you run like fucking morons to buy some racist neurotic jewish writer (and am not referring to Harold Pinter - got someone else in mind) whose novels have the word fuck in every line, but that is literature - you say to yourselves and you give away Pulitzer and Booker prizes for the "brilliance of creative writing". Because after all, the writer is white, and is from Europe or from the shit hole called America. That is different. That is class language. That is artistic expression, you say to yourselves.

But her, this Arab woman using "foul" language is so o' inappropriate. A lesser being using the master's language ? Oh my God what blasphemy ! Fuck you again.

But this is what you want. You want us/me to speak but not so much, to point out things but in a fashion that is suitable for you. To criticize within your acceptable limits. To get angry if we must but preferably not, and to do it your way, the way you have convinced yourself "others" from "those countries" should do it.

Polite, courteous, careful choice of words, so you can bask in some self congratulatory lullaby, after all your " project " has worked.

Look at how we have civilized them/her, you say to yourselves. They/she talk the language that is pleasing to the master. The rough shit we keep for ourselves. When we fuck them, rape them, torture them, bomb them, invade them, destroy them...the rough language is for us, us the powerful and we use it at our discretion, you secretly say to yourselves.

And you think we/I don't know how the above discourse is constructed and laid out ? And you think for a moment that we don't know where you are coming from ? Fuck you again.

This is my blog, this is my breathing space...I write what I need to write, in the style and the manner that befit the topic, the subject, the keep your fucking "advice" to yourselves. And go advise your governments and rulers if you can.

And in closing, some black American woman (I can't remember her name) once said.

If you don't like my Ocean
Don't swim in my Sea
Get out of my Valley
and let my Mountain be...

I strongly suggest you read the above lines several times before you preach into my head and send more of your shit my way.

Painting : Iraqi artist, Haidar Saddam.