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A delightful animation that encourages us to talk more openly about sex...with British accents if possible. (NSFW)

Animator Anna Ginsburg's Private Parts couples fabulously creative animation with the always-excellent goal of getting us to talk more openly about sex. It was commissioned by the UK's Channel 4 in collaboration with It's Nice That, who quotes the filmmaker:


Only quibble: We're enjoying adorable vulvas, not vaginas. Sigh.


Writing from: The USA

Age: Late teens








My definition of virginity:  


Here's my story:












A little about myself:


How I define virginity:

I define virginity as penis in vagina penetration.

Here's my story:








How I define virginity:


Here's my story: 





V-Card Diaries: Gwen "I wasn't raised in a sexually repressive atmosphere. Quite the opposite."

Today we're highlighting Gwen in Sweden whose first sexual partner was an Eminem wannabe she met at a Bartles and James wine cooler party. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.A little about myself:

39-year-old dual American-Swedish citizen living in Sweden. After two unhappy long term relationships (one of which was mostly sexless) I am engaged to the man of my dreams.

How I define virginity:

Having never done anything sexual before, and this includes masturbation. By this definition, I lost my virginity at the age of four, since that's when I started masturbating.

Here's my story:

I've always been a very sexual woman. I was a very horny little girl and began masturbating when I was about four years old. Thankfully, I wasn't raised in a sexually repressive atmosphere. Quite the opposite, really. My mother put me on the pill when I was sixteen, although I had already lost my virginity by then.

When I was fifteen I went on a date with a guy that I met through a friend. He was a white rapper, kind of an Eminem wannabe type. We went to a party where everyone was drinking Bartles and James wine coolers with Sweet Child of Mine playing in the background. Someone handed me a Fuzzy Navel cooler, but I could only drink a few sips of this overly sweet alcopop. I didn't know I was going to have sex for the first time that night, but after making out on a sofa for about an hour, I decided I was ready. I asked him if he had protection and he said yes.

We ventured outside for a little privacy. He laid his jacket on the ground and he proceeded to remove my jeans. The make out session left me nice and lubed up, but it still hurt like hell when he penetrated me. The pain was surprising, and I remember telling him to stop. He stopped thrusting so I could relax a little, and then we continued. After a few minutes it stopped hurting and I started to enjoy it, although I certainly didn't come.

Afterwards, we got dressed and he took me home. That was the only time I ever went out with him and I never saw him again, although I did talk to him once or twice afterwards.

After that, I didn't have sex again for almost a year.

V-Card Diaries: Janelle "The first time I masturbated, I had no idea what I'd just done (which was orgasm)"

*Trigger warning for sexual assault*Today we're highlighting Janelle who overcame her confusion and fear by educating herself 'of the sexual realms.' If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Hi! I'm Janelle and I fair from Pennsylvania. Currently, I am 22 years old and preparing to graduate college as a graphic designer! Yay!

How I define virginity:

As I look back at my life, I see my virginity as levels. Not so much as something I shouldn't lose, but something I haven't experienced yet hoped to achieve. Unfortunately, a lot of my virginity losses were negative, though I like to think they give me strength and wiser views.

Here's my story:

I started to lose my virginity at a young age. My first sexual thoughts were when I was exposed to my father's porn magazines when I was five years old. The first time I had been sexually touched was two years later when I was attacked by my neighbor (fortunately, the guy only got to "second base" and my friend caught him in the act before he could steal third). It was a year later, when I was in 3rd grade, that I was first penetrated by a 5th grade girl who forced me to allow her to finger me on the school bus ride home.

The first time I masturbated, I was 13 years old, had no idea what I'd just done (which was orgasm) and became terrified something was wrong with me (though I never told anyone). My high school SCREAMED abstinence, so I had no idea of my own body. I was 17 when I had my first (and current) boyfriend, which spurred me to educate myself of the sexual realms. Less than a year later, we had sex for the first time and it was the first time I truly enjoyed being sexual.




How I define virginity:


Here's my story:



Some depressing thoughts about evangelical men and purity pledges:




V-Card Diaries: Adelaide "The physical act of being that intimate with someone is horrifying for me."

Our latest V-Card Diaries comes from Adelaide in Canada, who considers herself pansexual. Her sexual response is dulled by anti-depressants, so she's decided not to enter into another relationship until she feels eager about the other person. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We'd love to run it in this blog.

A little about myself:

I'm 33 years old, from Canada. Female.

How I define virginity:

It's strange how often this has changed in my mind. I like to think it's "evolved." As I've grown, and learnt more, it went from "penis + vagina" to "physical act of sex, no matter the gender of those involved" (oral sex included- otherwise there would be a LOT of gay virgins!!) to something I can't explain completely yet. As one can have an orgasm without touching, could you possibly not be a virgin and a full-fledged sexual being by the contents of your thoughts? Just like how it is possible to not "technically" be a virgin, yet have no sense or feeling in the sexual act (if it's just seen as a technicality of a relationship, not that "little death")? What about people who don't have physical sex, but have the master/slave, mistress/slave relationship, where the only thing that passes between them is command? Many look upon these relationships as intense and loving, but is it sex? To them, it might be, since the emotions are.

Here' my story:

My story is... I have no story. Technically, I suppose, I'm still a virgin. Never allowed myself to be touched in this way, never been kissed or allowed myself to be kissed. It's not as if I haven't had offers for it. One boyfriend was so passionate and insistent it alarmed me, but nothing happened because I was completely uninterested. It may have just been the hormones, I don't know: Once sex crowded into the room, I stopped listening. He treated it as an area of "finding out." If my lips flushed, he KNEW I was aroused. Sadly, he always got it wrong. My disinterested nature didn't help, of course. It does play against my passionate nature.

I think it's an area of personal space I'm very sensitive about, and dislike it being invaded. The physical act of being that intimate with someone is horrifying for me. So, I think the person I would want would have to be something special- otherwise I could never go through with it.

Not that I wish this ideology on anyone else. We all have appetites, begun in our minds when we are quite young. I think everyone should experience sex, to whatever state it might be in... that's my ideal, so long as it's consensual. Sex is a healthy part of life - it should be, it's supposed to be. Yet, I don't consider myself to be "unhealthy"... just not wanting to cross that boundary since I haven't met someone yet I'm comfortable crossing it with. I don't like the idea of having sex with someone I feel absolutely nothing for - or when they touch me, I feel nothing, even revulsion (At myself or at their touch? I'm uncertain). I also lived a rather isolated high school life, where I was one of the outcasts and although sex was probably happening around me in earnest, it was not an area I was welcomed or even gestured towards. One profession of love turned into a group joke, so I guess something inside me closed off from being vulnerable. Also: People talked. During my 8th grade year, when my grandfather died, some were convinced I had taken time off school to have a baby. That's the kind of people I had surrounding me, so you can imagine my reluctance to take part in their "games".

The strange part is, I'm a very sexual person when my brain isn't doped with antidepressants. When I'm off them, I need "release" all the time through masturbation. If I don't, I have intense dreams. I can't masturbate when I'm on these kind of meds (though I need them, and accept this loss for the benefit they give me), because it's a fight with the blockers/excessives in my brain. I have absolutely no sex drive.

Strangely, I think I define myself as "pansexual". The beauty of both sexes overwhelm me. Where beauty is concerned, I'm not picky over the sex of the person.

I've had no negative experiences with sex: Physical experiences, I mean. I've never been abused, or forced to do anything.

I guess you could call me a virgin. Some of my friends would categorize me as such - but they may also categorize me as a failure, or "the strange one" because I haven't married, sprung offspring, bought a house, gotten a full-time job, or done all the hetero-normal things people my age are supposed to do. Other friends feel differently, and love me as I am. The previously mentioned friends love me, too, but since I don't do things as they do, they get alarmed. (I think it's more of a reflection of themselves than of me).

I have the automatic instinct to not do things "normally." Normal is boring.

I also decided (after a relationship where I feel I really hurt someone by my disinterest) not to enter into another until I was ready, eager, and willing to enjoy each other. Hasn't happened yet. But I think I am happier for it. No messing around, and no hurting people. Yet, if I end up having sex for the first time in a gas station restroom with someone I just met, if I feel comfortable with them touching me... I'd be fine with that. Whatever happens will happen.

V-Card Diaries: Tom "I'm waiting for the right woman while broadcasting on web cam sex sites."

Today we're highlighting Tom in Michigan, who was told he was still at virgin at 27 because he was too picky. Now he meets women by broadcasting on web cam sex sites. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I am a 27 year old hetero male, and I live in Michigan.

How I define virginity:

Having not had vaginal intercourse with a consenting partner.

Here's my story:

So I am a 27-year-old virgin and I think it is best to break down the reason why into key points of my life.

Upbringing: I was raised by a single unwed mother who had 2 children by a man who was a convicted felon and abandoned us. Then we attended Church religiously, pardon the pun.

Early Teens: I attended Church functions at least 2 times a week, and was unpopular in school due to being poor and having poor social skills. Mother married a wonderful man that adopted me and added needed stability to my life. I went through sex ed in public school, received a basic understanding of sex, and signed a contract with God to remain pure and virtuous at a Youth Group Event at Church.

Late Teens/High school:
I attended a few major Christian Youth Rallies telling me that if I was virtuous and if I waited, I would be rewarded with a bride and a fulfilling love life. I always had at least one major crush on a different girl, all of whom I was close friends with. I assumed they knew how I felt. I refused to actually try dating even after I got my license because I asked myself, "why even try having a girl friend if you cant have sex?" For some reason I thought dating and sex had to go together. Stupid, I know. I signed another contract with God to wait until marriage. All my peers that signed it broke the contract. I was asked by a girl I liked if I ever masturbated, and I told her I didn't know what that was. At 17 I masturbated for the first time after looking up instructions on how to do it online. Seriously.

College: I bought my first pornography to "research" the female form so I wouldn't be to surprised if I got married (basically an excuse to look without as much guilt).  I figured out I can date and not have sex. Still socially awkward. I made advances to a few women I found alluring but was rebuffed and told that I "am a good friend and there is a great girl out there" for me. I then graduated college and started my career.

Early Career 21-24: I was still relatively open about my virginity thinking it was a point of pride. The sense of loneliness and despair that I couldn't find mutual attraction was getting tougher though. In high school I told myself when I graduated I would get a girlfriend. Then it was when I got a college job. Then it was when I graduated college. Now it was when I started my career... Still nothing but false hope, rejection, and some women that wanted me but I didn't want back. I was told to put myself out there or fuck an ugly/fat girl. I still clung to the idea that waiting until marriage would make it all ok. I got uninhibited home internet access at 23 and discovered web camming.

Age 24-present: Porn wasn't cutting it and I felt starved for intimacy. This is when I started getting comments from many people that I am to picky. That I need to just go out with girls I don't like right away to see if they grow on me. I decided to never bring up my sexual history with anyone new I met. Life got better. I got fired from my first career job unfairly and adopted a "fuck the world" attitude. Then I decided that I would keep my options open and the waiting for marriage commitment would subside if I felt like I was with the right girl. In the mean time I started broadcasting on a web cam sex site to get women to mutually masturbate online with me. After much trial and error I found success and met several women of different ages and backgrounds. One in particular I talked to for 3 years and decided to meet. She has a boyfriend. We did not have sex. The chemistry and intimacy we did share (noting sexual besides spooning) was amazing. I have realized that my depression and loneliness wasn't a lack of sex but really just not being with someone. I realized that I am ok being a virgin until I meet someone that accepts me for who I am. All of me. Now I wait. Alone.

I still have never done more than hold hands with a woman. I really believe I am still a virgin now because of my respect for women and desire for a relationship before sex, lack of women in my rural setting that find me attractive and vice versa, and just pure luck. Plus you can add my crippling fear of rejection that I had in my teens to early adult years.

You have one more week to celebrate National Masturbation Month!



May is National Masturbation Month!







"I always felt dirty after ejaculation."







V-Card Diaries: TeddyBear "I'm rather asexual, though cuddling is nice."

Today we're highlighting TeddyBear in New York City, who has never wanted to be sexually involved with anyone. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Age 55, male, live in New York City.

How I define virginity:

Never having had sex with someone else.

Here's my story:

I'm a 55-year-old male virgin. I'm rather asexual. While I do fantasize and masturbate, I've never wanted a sexual involvement with anyone, including a girlfriend with whom I lived and shared a bed (though cuddling with her was nice).

V-Card Diaries: Grizzy "Social pressures were telling me that my love for women wasn't real because I hadn't experienced being with a man."

Today we're highlighting Grizzy in Los Angeles, who needed to be with a guy because of social pressures about her queer sexuality. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Well, I'm 22, a cis woman of color and live in Los Angeles. I just graduated school and trying to find my passion within my career and social life. I spent most of my time on tumblr and love to meet new queer people of color whom I can laugh with.

How I define virginity:

I'm not sure. There is so many arguments about it that it shouldn't be a big deal. But I like to think it is. It's just the way it's gender-ed and exploitative to women that I find a problem with. I think virginity should be something beautiful between yourself or with others. It is when you discover your body in another level. You begin to experience a self confidence in a single touch.

Here's my story:

My virginity. Horrible. It was at the most 10 minutes. Uhm, I just did it to get it over with. Social pressures telling me that I needed to be with a guy to make sure I was ok with my sexuality. That my love for women wasn't real because I hadn't experienced being with a man. So I did it for that. The good thing was I did it with someone I trusted so that's one thing I'm thankful for.

V-Card Diaries: Katherine "I'm so afraid of rejection that I don't know how to approach a guy I'm interested in."

Today we're highlighting Katherine in Europe. She doesn't think that men find her attractive and is afraid that her lack of sexual experience will make it even more difficult for her to find intimacy. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm 20, female, originally from the US and soon studying abroad in Europe.

How I define virginity:

In general terms, I'd say you're a virgin if you've experienced some sort of consensual genital contact. So for me, there's not that big a gap between, say, oral sex and penis-in-vagina sex if you're a heterosexual person.

Here's my story:

I'm twenty, and I'm entering another year without any sexual experience to speak of. I've never even held hands with a guy. I have only ever been on one date and it was this year, and I ruined it by being too nervous and confused to try and make a connection.

In junior high and high school, I was really self-conscious about my breasts. They started growing... and then stopped. I've worn the same bra size since I was 12 and you can buy it in the girls' section of the store. As I started to discover my sexuality, I also learned that guys like boobs, and the bigger the better. No one ever expressed interest in me, and I figured it was because of my small breasts.

I thought college would change things, because sex is supposed to be really easy to get there. But still, no one really expressed interest in me, except for a few guys I did not find attractive. I'm so afraid of rejection that I don't know how to approach a guy I'm interested in. What if he laughs at me? What if he tells his friends how this weird girl thought she stood a chance? I still don't feel like men find me attractive.

I feel like because I'm 20, everyone assumes I've had sex, so they'll be turned off if they find out I'm not experienced at all. I don't feel comfortable providing any information about my virginity on dating sites because I'm afraid it'll turn people off. I don't even know how to kiss! I've been masturbating for a while now, but I'm frustrated by this need for intimacy, combined with the inability to achieve it. I feel like I was supposed to learn how to do this in high school, but I've missed the boat and it's only going to get harder to catch up.

V-Card Diaries: Audra Mae "I was unprepared for the mind blowing sensation of having someone else touching me."

Today we're highlighting Audra Mae in the Ohio, whose bad feelings about her first partner can't erase the awe-inspiring sensations and amazing memories. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

18; bisexual female; Ohio

How I define virginity:

I used to stick to the traditional "Until your male partner sticks it in ya, you're a virgin" definition. But now, I'm more of a "You went beyond heavy petting and kissing, past tops off but bra and pants still firmly on? You are not a virgin" gal.

Here's my story:

My first time was at age 15. I was a sophomore, he was a senior and had just turned 18. We had been “friends who flirt” for several months and finally decided to take action on that front.

We met at Chipotle for lunch and then went to my house. We curled up in the floor of my basement, watched movies, and during the second movie he started to give me a neck massage, which made me horny beyond belief. Very slowly, he worked his way down and around until he was essentially massaging my breasts. At that point he backed off, saying he didn't want to push me past my limits, which I had yet to state. I expressed my desire to keep going and we did, despite my jeans trying to block access. I knew he had experience, but was unprepared for the mind blowing sensation of having someone else, especially someone who knew what he was doing, touching me intimately, something I myself had only begun to do a few months prior. I was almost to orgasm when my brother opened the door and started down the stairs. Luckily, we moved fast enough to not be seen.

Two weeks later, we met at his house and progressed to oral, and three days later he had dumped me for the next girl. I was very hurt, because I had genuinely believed he found me special and attractive, and I was very depressed, lonely and naive at the time. After some consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, since he knew I was easy to manipulate, he figured he would have a little fun with me, play with me like a cat with a mouse whose tail is caught under its paw. And after reports of his treatment of the next girlfriend, I am confident in saying it was abusive and would have turned very bad had it continued any longer.

Do any of the bad feelings erase the awe-inspiring sensations, the amazing memories I collected? Absolutely not. He may have been an absolute jerk who broke my heart, but he did give me not just my first kiss (the same day as Chipotle, after the brother incident) but my first orgasm I hadn’t given myself (unfortunately, the second visit, as my mom and I took him home soon after the brother incident and I was too scared to do anything in the interim). Should I have maybe been more careful? Definitely. But as a plus-sized gal, I had had no romantic experience, so I was desperate.

It taught me a valuable lesson though: watch for red flags and if something sets alarm bells ringing, pay attention. His actions did not read right but I ignored my gut. Never doing that again if I can help it, which I am 110% sure I can.

V-Card Diaries: Lauren "There were 3 boys and a girl and I slept with all of them."

Today we're highlighting Lauren in England, who doesn't have regrets about having her sexual debut with multiple people she barely knew because they made her feel safe and secure. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

18, female, England

How I define virginity:

The first penetration of the vagina with the penis, or, for men, the first time they penetrate someone else, other than oral. But maybe oral is a different virginity. Huh.

Here's my story:

I was at a party, I was fairly drunk, there were 3 boys and a girl and I slept with all of them. They had experience. They wore protection. I've always been very open to sexual experiences but had never had any previous advances or met anyone interested in me - it was liberating. I thought I wanted to be in a safe, secure and comfortable relationship, to slowly build up to sex, tick off all the bases, but these people that I barely knew made me feel safe and secure, for this reason I have no regrets.

I realised that I have placed a lot of significance on my virginity: Sex is a basic instinct, it's almost as though there is a sense of shame or loss in the act. I'd touched myself and masturbated, and I personally found sex to be merely a glorified, easier, warmer, more pleasurable, more emotional form of masturbation. I felt confident and alive, attractive and relaxed. It was freeing.

I am now in a relationship, not one of those boys, not even the girl (but I am certain of my bisexuality), but another guy, a good friend. He thought I was very innocent and was surprised (as I was) when he learnt of my rampant sex drive. I felt needy, but not vulnerable. I felt like I had been unleashed, awakened - my fears were gone - so when he was ready, I was ready. It was easy and natural and sober. I found myself even more aroused and excited, despite my inexperience.

I enjoy sex and am not ashamed about that, but I wish the subject of virginity, sex, and masturbation was socially acceptable, so that I could discuss them comfortably. It felt right. I'm not hurt or afraid. Trust your instincts and to do what is right for yourself. You can say no. You can say yes. Don't be ashamed of your wants, revel in the fact that you are human and can feel, share that feeling, let it grow, be yourself, if it isn't right it isn't right. If it is right, enjoy it.




How I define virginity:


My story:





On Anti-Rape Wear and Chastity Belts

Chastity belt locked AR Wear is a collection of undergarments that the creators say will give women and girls "more power to control the outcome of a sexual assault" "when something goes wrong" using specially designed webbing and straps the make the garments impossible to remove. They're crowd-funding the project and about halfway to their goal, and their site is full of positive comments, including making a disco shorts version. The creators have their hearts in the right place, but they've understandably come under a fair deal of criticism.

Things like the insinuation that it's the potential victim's job to keep from getting herself raped, to the fact that most rapes are committed by people victims know and trust, to the risk of violence from an otherwise frustrated rapist, to the fact that $50K could go a long way to programs that teach young people about consent and rape culture. And then there's my personal observation that the models in the photos are super slim and this product requires an actual waist that's smaller than your hips to keep them on (bringing up those heinous comments about how fat girls should feel lucky to be raped. Ugh.)

Aside from all those issues, the undies keep getting compared to Chastity Belts, including in Amanda Hess's scathing take-down, which is worth a read. Seeing as our blog is about all things virgin, let's have a little teaching moment about that comparison and the devices themselves. The purpose of chastity belts was to assure exclusive access by the holder of the key, usually the wearer's husband/owner. You could compare this to an even worse owner-operated chastity system: a hideous brand of FGM, where a young woman's labia is sewn shut and then opened by the husband on their wedding night. In the case of AR Wear, it's a totally different story: The wearer has the 'key' and they're in control of access.

One of the few existing belts can be found, rightly so, in the Museum of Torture in Italy. However, many historians think chastity belts were largely a myth. There's very little record of chastity belt use, and since we have tons of other historical record on sexual practices, the lack of anything on chastity belts indicates they must have been very rare. When I interviewed the curator of the Museum of Sex in NYC, she said that she only knew of the one in Italy. On the other hand, there are loads of metal anti-masturbatory devices like this one at the Museum of Sex that they used to put on boys to keep them from touching themselves, and they're plentiful in museums and as awful as you can imagine. There are modern-day BDSM versions as well, but that's a whole other NSFW story.

Which brings me to a suggestion I've heard from several people: That it would be better to make constraining underwear for would-be rapists, except that we know you can rape someone without using a penis and without access to a vagina.







