Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Multiplying Love.

In an earlier post I mentioned the way that my love for my kids wasn't divided when Connor was born, but it was multiplied. I got a comment from a blog friend who is expecting her second. She's in the throws of second pregnancy questioning. Been there, done that. Got my ribbon for weird fears. I'm here to say, you'll live to look back on the fears and realize that most of the things that we moms stress about before we have a baby (first or second or third child) usually iron themselves out and we end up looking back on the fears and laughing at our past selves for even questioning our abilities in the first place.

I had fears throughout my pregnancy with Brayden. I had a truckload of fears throughout my pregnancy with Connor. In fact, I would say that in many regards, my pregnancy with Connor was haunted by fears. Mainly fears of my ability to parent more than 1 child. What I found is that while there is a definite learning curve to juggling more than one kid, it's doable. And in some regards it becomes easier as the kids get older. I absolutely LOVE the ages my kids are right now. They are best friends. They want to do everything together. Women would stop me in the grocery store when I had a screaming 20 month old and a newborn, and they'd tell me "it's hard now, but you'll love this age gap. You really will!" Guess what? They were right. I love it. In some ways I was a bit sad after we had waited so long to decide to have a third child, because I knew that the age gap between Connor and this next baby would be a bit bigger than the one between Brayden and Connor. I guess I say all that to show that sometimes our fears seem like monstrous boulders in the present, but in the future looking back it's merely a pebble in the journey.

And the whole multiplying love thing? It's true. I don't really know how to explain it to you, but it is. It's similar to when people would tell you that you would love your child more than anything the minute you saw his/her face. And you questioned them. And then you saw that little person and all of your doubt melted (at least mine did). In a split second I went from not knowing a little person, to loving that little person so much I would do anything for him. That's how it is with the second child. You question whether you could love him or her just as much as your first. But you see them for the first time, and it's like you have the same amount of love in an instant that you've had growing for your first all this time. And each little thing that the second one does (especially if it's with your first child), your love just continues to multiply. This sounds awfully cheesy, I know, but trust me. You'll love your second one just as much.

And that whole fear about ruining your first child's "good" life by bringing in a second child? Don't even believe it for a second. Sure, there's adjustment, but that much can be said for all involved. I never really feared about this because I am the oldest of 4 kids. I love, love, love each of my siblings. They are my best friends in this world, and the ones that will stick with me through thick and thin. Sure, we fought (a lot) growing up, but I look at them as precious gifts my parents gave me. My prayer is that my kids all feel the same way about each other some day. Brayden and Connor are best little buddies right now. They play together, fight together, get in trouble together. I can't imagine Brayden not having Connor, or vice versa. Brayden never complained about giving up his room because we adjusted early enough for him to not make that connection with a room change and a baby coming. He absolutely LOVED getting a big boy bed, and thought he was the coolest ever, so he never had anger towards Connor for taking his crib. There are more examples, but I'll spare you the novel.

Hopefully that all makes sense and I haven't rambled my head off. All in all I would say that while your fears are valid (most all moms have them), in the end they all iron out and you end up head over heels for your kids,  however many you have.
