The Non-Verbals of Welcome: Part 3, A Daily Eye Muscle Workout

First, a test. Surf to the Spotting Fake Smiles Test and see how you do. The important piece is to note at the end of the test the main sign of fake vs. real smiles.

(I'll wait here until you finish the test.)

Okay, having finished the test you've seen a few fake smiles and a few real smiles and if you paid attention you picked up on the key contrast. Specifically, fake smiles only engage the lower half of the face. The risorius muscle of the face pulls the angle of the mouth upward. This produces more of a grin than a smile.

An authentic smile engages both the upper and lower face, basically the whole face changes. This is particularly noticeable around the eyes. In a real smile the orbicularis oculi muscle around the eye engages to create what is known as the "crow's feet" wrinkle around the eyes. Move this muscle a lot in a lifetime and the crow's feet become the permanent "laugh line" wrinkles around he eyes.

Importantly, parts of the movement of orbicularis oculi muscle are involuntary. This means that it takes some care and effort to intentionally give a full face smile. When asked to smile the most people can muster is a lower face grin. This is why children's school pictures tend to be so bad. The child is simply grinning, not smiling, and, as a consequence, their face doesn't reflect the happiness we see when we snap a candid photo of the child truly in the grip of joy. Getting a child to say "Cheese!" won't produce a smile, only a grin. This is why during photo shoots the photographer tries to do something funny to get the child to laugh. If something truly tickles a child's funny bone, the orbicularis oculi engages, involuntarily, transforming the eyes of the child. If you can snap the photo at that moment you've got gold.

Technically, the full-face authentic smile is called the Duchenne smile. It was so named after Guillaume Duchenne (1806-1875) who discovered the role of the orbicularis oculi muscle in full-face smiles. Interestingly, research has shown that the more Duchenne smiles you give the longer you live and the better your life will be. In a variety of studies researchers have examined the smiles in old photo almanacs (think of old high school yearbooks or church bulletins) coding the smiles as either grins or Duchenne. The researchers then locate these people, years after the photos were taken. How have these smilers fared since the time of that photo? Amazingly, a variety of studies have shown that those who gave Duchenne smiles (rather than grins) are healthier and happier and have lived longer than their counterparts.

But my interest here is less about what smiles can do for us than about what they can do for others. I've been focusing of the non-verbals of welcome. Given what we now know about smiles I want to make a comment about welcoming people with your facial expressions, specifically you smile.

In short, grins are easy. You can flash them at will. But they are perfunctory, cool, and generally unfriendly and unwelcoming. We think we are being nice when flashing a grin, and we are, but we all know they are fake. A forced social nicity.

Given all this I pay tons of attention to my face, intentionally noting when I'm simply grinning at people (seriously, I do this). When I'm in face to face interactions I try to pay attention to my eye muscles. This might sound crazy, but if you do this, you can, eventually, gain some control over the orbicularis oculi muscle and offer warmer, more full-faced smiles.

Now a cynic might counter, isn't this a bit of duplicity on your part? You are working hard at giving a "real" smile but, at root, you are working at it. The smile isn't spontaneous, even if it looks that way.

By way of response I would note that research also tells us that if you make a Duchenne smile your mood is affected. Literally, the more you smile the better you feel (recall the research about smiles and well-being). Further, we also know that we mimic facial expressions. If I smile at you, you'll, involuntarily, smile back. (This is due to what are called mirror neurons in the brain.) And when you begin smiling your mood is also affected for the good. In short, by offering a Duchenne smile I'm not trying to trick the person. I'm trying to set into motion a whole social/physiological system that promotes feelings of friendship, warmth, and welcome in both partners. You do this enough and people will notice a difference about you. They will seek you out, enjoy your company, and want to spend time with you. In short, people feel welcomed by you. And if you simply grin at people none of this happens.

So if you want to be a person of welcome my advice is this: Pay attention to the orbicularis oculi. Plus, the research says that a side benefit is a longer, more happy life.

Not bad for a daily eye muscle workout. Not bad at all.

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4 thoughts on “The Non-Verbals of Welcome: Part 3, A Daily Eye Muscle Workout”

  1. I'd like to point out that I got 18/20. And one of the ones I got wrong didn't load properly, so I had to guess on the basis of how trustworthy the person looked.

    I can't smile. I'm terrible at it. I rarely real-smile, and I can't even get the mouth right in a fake-smile. But I can do the upper half-smile at will, just without the lower-half bit.

  2. Smiling is great! I got 14/20...not too impressive, but not too shabby either.

    When I was in the early elementary years my school pictures always turned out TERRIBLE as whenever I would "smile" I always looked like I was about to cry. That's how my fake smile looked. My mom would say, "you've got to learn to smile so you don't look like you're about to cry"...HA! It wasn't said in a mean way, but it brought my awareness too it...and as the determined individual that I've always been (even since the wee years), I was set on figuring out how to make a "real" smile. So I spent time in front of my mirror as a young kiddo and realized that it just took me doing a controlled laugh. Not like a grab-your-stomach bellowing laugh, but a laugh that you might do to yourself when you think of something funny in your head. It still comes out expressed externally, but it's "controlled." So that's how I smile now. I just automatically do a silent contolled laugh and hold it.

    I guess it helps when you can make yourself laugh easily ;)

  3. In AA they say fake till you make it. Works for me. Do the work, fake smile -- well, better than no smile.

  4. I got 15 out of 20 correct. The 5 I got wrong were "genuine" smiles that I incorrectly evaluated as being "fake".

    I cannot "fake smile" well at all, so I don't even bother with atempting to "smile" when a situation calls for it. I'll compensate by giving an affirmative straight look in the eyes along with an affirmative nod when engaging a person. At the end of the day, I don't know how much good that really does. But what I try to avoid is being phony (if that's possible).

    My intention is to get a read on TRUST more than welcome. If trust is established, then the "welcoming" vibe will take care of itself.

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