Sunday, December 20, 2015


(With sincerest apologies to Messrs. Rodgers & Hammerstein)

Three hours ago I last peed
And it trickled out slow but alright
And all I can say
Is I hope and I pray
That some day
I can sleep through the night

Yes three hours ago I sat here
Forlorn that my future’s not bright
As I enter my Golden Years
I have those olden fears
I will not sleep through the night
I may never again sleep through the night

I am empty
I’ve no more pee
And I want to get back into bed

I get cranky
If I don’t see
Pleasant dreams floating throughout my head

So three hours ago I did pee
And I’m hoping to last till it’s light
I know I would feel great
If I don’t dehydrate
And fate let me sleep through the night

And I lay here with eyes wide open
While my body desires its rest
With bladder I tussle
And squeeze kegel muscle
To stay in my feathery nest
Please just let me stay in my nice warm nest

For I’m empty
I’ve no more pee
And I want to get back into bed

I get cranky
If I don’t see
Pleasant dreams floating throughout my head

But still nothing can stop the urges
And I know that I’ll soon lose the fight
So I kick off the top sheet
And shuffle on tired feet
Resigned I won’t sleep through this night

Then I climb back onto my mattress
But already something is not right
In my bed every now and then
Thoughts of a future when
I will sleep through the night.
I will one day again sleep   through   the   night!

(Alarm clock rings!)

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Top 10 Self Driving Car Questions

10     In the rain are the windshield wipers necessary?
  9     If it violates the law how does a cop pull it over?
  8     Does the seat belt have to be fastened? Where and to what or whom?
  7     If the only human passenger in the car is talking on the phone can he get a ticket?
  6     Since someone or something controls it can it be cited for driving under the influence?
  5     If two self driving cars are stopped at a light side by side will they drag race?
  4     If a guy cuts the car off does it flash the lights, beep the horn or give him the virtual finger? 
  3     Will it go faster as the light turns yellow?
  2     If it crashes into a tree in the forest and nobody is around does it make a sound? (And does anyone care?)
And the number one question for a self driving car is:
  1     If a self driving car runs a red light who pays the fine?

Friday, December 11, 2015


The GOP claims to be our champions! They are for the rights of all Americans.
They also claim to be the party of family values and fiscal responsibility.
They can claim to be anything they like but in this world actions speak where words cannot!
Let's examine a few of these claims.

Err on the side of safety:

Lately it has become clear that even if you find yourself on Homeland Security’s ‘No Fly List’ (created under Republican President Bush) you still have the right to buy a gun.
What could go wrong?
Now to be fair not everyone on the list is a terrorist and some names that appear on it are obvious mistakes but should we not err on the side of safety?
If after a name that should not be on the restrictive list is found and removed the person will once again be allowed to purchase all the killing weapons his heart desires.
And defending your Second Amendment right to bear arms in a well ordered militia generally does not mean an AK47 in every bedroom.

It’s your right to vote!

One of our basic rights in America is the freedom to vote.
In this land of the free all citizens can choose support and vote for their favorite candidate.
Of course at the same time we must keep an eye out for voter fraud.
Remember the long ago joke about Chicago politics, Vote early and often?  It’s a rarity for something like that to happen in this day and age.
In fact there have been fewer than 10 proven cases of voter fraud in the last decade or so. The key word here is “Proven.”
The truth about voter fraud however does not matter to the GOP. What they have found is that since there are far more Americans registered as Democrats than Republican it would be good if fewer Democrats voted or were even able to do so.
They have used the trumped up voter fraud issue as a reason to block an inordinate number of voters from exercising their right to vote.
Not surprisingly those being disenfranchised are generally minorities in mostly Democratic districts.
The GOP has stopped early voting in many areas known to be Democratic and continue to fight against unions.
They have also made it harder for some districts to elect a Democrat by using redistricting or gerrymandering.
This immoral tactic rearranges voting areas so that fewer Democratic legislators can represent a State by positioning as many of their voters into one district while spreading the Republican voters into more.  The result has been shocking but productive for the GOP and there is no reason for them to curtail this action.
Once again the GOP is claiming to be on the side of the people while actually taking away their rights.
All the while claiming to be erring on the side of safety.

Family Values:

I believe nearly every family consists of at least one mother. And for those of you unfamiliar with the word a mother is usually a woman of the female persuasion.
I am being silly but want to make this point very clear because our current GOP has stirred up a great deal of confusion here.  They wish to cut off funding for anything related to the healthcare of women.
Their vendetta against Planned Parenthood is epic and has caused many of their weak minded idiot followers to resort to violence.
The bottom line is if you do not want women to be healthy then you are really not high on the list of people who value the family!

Fiscal Responsibility:

This one is not that hard to refute but still hard to make the Republican base understand since they consistently vote against their own best interest.
Lowering taxes sounds great until you realize that yours will not be going down unless you own a business, a large corporation, a small nation or at least a Congressman.
Republican leaders are not stupid, far from it. They have found the goose that keeps laying their golden eggs in the form of under educated voters and wealthy contributors.
As long as they keep the former in the dark the latter will continue to prosper and send a portion back to the politician.
A tiny amount of research shows the average American has fallen behind more and more ever since Reagan and his voodoo economic policy of trickle down bull shit was enacted.
The wealth gap in America is so astounding that it threatens to push America further into an Oligarchy that can never be peacefully turned around again.
All the while the GOP spews fiscal responsibility phrases they continue to ramp up military spending and try to get the funding for this from cut backs to Social Security and Medicare.
The brilliant strategy has been working even before Eisenhower warned us about it and there is no incentive for them to end it and turn off the spigot.

We must fight terror any way we can!

The GOP is so committed to fighting terror that they demand we get boots on the ground everywhere! Some of these war mongering hawks never put on a uniform in their lives and actively sought ways to avoid military service but your kids can fight for America.
So they never served but they can still help fight terror by enacting laws and hiring the right people to enact them, right?
One of the ways to fight terrorism in the world is to keep funds away from them.
ISIS took over many oil fields and with them the vast wealth that flows from the Earth.
But oil must be turned into money to buy weapons from unscrupulous dealers who only care about their bottom line.
So how can we stop this flow of oil to money to death?
In February of this year President Obama nominated Adam Szubin to be the man to stop this cycle, or at least impede its growth.
He has the support of all sides in Congress and both major parties feel he is the right man for the job.
So why is he not in place as of now?
Why is this man still waiting for a Congressional vote on his approval?
The answer cannot be that the GOP is erring on the side of safety this time.
In fact do yourself a favor and look back to see how many of President Obama's nominees have been approved by Congress. They are the least productive Congress in our history!
Perhaps the real reason they have done very little for America since President Obama took office in 2008 is that President Obama took office in 2008!

There are so many examples of hypocrisy in the Republican Party where they say one thing but not only mean something else they live for something else.
Just saying you are all for peace does not win you a Nobel Prize.
The Jekyll GOP has been incredibly adept at HYDE-ing their evil side for way too long.  It is time for the voters to fight for what is right and stop allowing these self-serving politicians from abrogating their responsibility on the tax payer dime.

Since they have shown themselves to be more Hyde than Jekyll we should show them the door.