At Capcom's E3 press conference, the producer of Dino Crisis 3 explained, via translator, why he chose outer space for the setting of the latest entry in the second-tier survival-horror franchise. Unfortunately, I tuned out after my useless buttocks went numb from five straight hours of sitting -- and in the midst of my gluteal concern, I apparently missed the part where the translator explained that the producer planned to shamelessly crib from outer-space action/horror flicks, and to include stunningly inane combat sequences, and to design a camera that constantly switched between useless views of the action, turning even the simple act of crossing a corridor into a frustrating ordeal.

The game does its best to justify the ber-goofy "dinosaurs in space" premise with a thick layer of real-time and CG cutscenes, complete with Capcom's usual laugh-out-loud-bad voice acting. These scenes are very entertaining, if only to try and identify how many moments are cribbed from sci-fi movies. They also highlight one of the game's fundamental problems: the CG action is always more interesting than the real action. For example, the first time you see a dinosaur in a game is in a CG cutscene -- and it's killed off before you get a chance to start shooting at it. Don't show me, man -- let me. (Compare this bungled moment to the wonderful set-piece in the original Tomb Raider, when you encounter the dinosaur at the bottom of the valley and realize, I have to kill this thing!)

Because of DC3's nightmarish camera -- about which more below -- you usually can't see the dinos trying to rip your throat out; thus, the game automatically aims your weapon for you, relegating your combat role to moving backwards and mashing the X button, unloading a steady stream of laser-fire at off-screen enemies. It's like that shot of sweaty, steroid-juiced Sly Stallone at the end of Rambo: First Blood Part II, except two minutes long and with no cutaways to the destruction. This incredibly unsatisfying experience is repeated dozens of times over the short course of the game (eight to ten hours for the hardcore contingent), alleviated only by a precious few set-pieces in which skill is introduced and the fighting becomes fun.

DC3's camera is so broken that it often switches angles in the middle of a jump, which is absolutely unforgivable in a game this loaded with leaping. (If you took away DC3's survival-horror trappings of awkwardly translated journals and an inventory/healing screen, you'd be left with an almost pure action/platformer.) Your character keeps moving forward if you hold the analog stick in the same direction after a camera switch, but even the slightest movement and you're instantly out of control. Combine the camera-cuts with the repetitive ship design, and it's very easy to get disoriented, although the game's detailed (if unfriendly) 3D map eases the pain.

Dinosaurs still believe in the medicinal value of bloodletting.
Graphic whores will take solace in DC3's lovely visuals, although the cleverly faked reflective effect is overused to the point where the screen almost hurts to look at, and the shadow-circle beneath your character is more lazy than retro. The Dolby 5.1 sound and music are fantastic, both CG and in-game. In terms of presentation, at least, DC3 demonstrates that the Xbox's audiovisual prowess Capcom showed in Steel Battalion was no fluke.

Dino Crisis 3 should have been a campy romp; instead, it's barely more enjoyable than Run Like Hell, with a camera that constantly fights you and combat that constantly bores you. Capcom gets credit for throwing Xbox owners another exclusive bone, but next time, I hope they leave some meat on it.