A Vegetarian Disaster Meal

My latest foodie adventure turned vegetarian disaster!

So as many of you know, I am a vegetarian*. So when I find a new vegetarian restaurant I do get a little bit excited. I always feel like a veggie burger from a true vegetarian restaraunt is going to be top-class rather than the standard overdone spicy bean burger on literally every single menu. But no. Think Again..This is a tale of how my lovely night out for dinner and music turned into a hellish 2 day bloat-fest.

* – Well, not quite, I am technically a pescatarian. Although pescatarian is a bit wordy so I tend to just say veggie when asked.

My Vegetarian Disaster Meal Begins..

Last week my beau and I ventured over to Camden to see some live music and thought what better way to start the evening than by grabbing some tasty food at a veggie restaraunt, convieniently very near by.

We sat down and took our time at the place, it was very comfortable and they had great organic beer, we sipped away happily and chatted for a while first and didn’t feel rushed – great. When we finally got to ordering our mains we both went for a classic, the burger.

A great burger menu – things are looking good

Now, let me tell you, the burger menu was top-notch. Halloumi burger – I thought no, even though halloumi is my  second love I have it all the time, let’s be original. So it came down to a ‘chicken’ burger (yes, fake breaded chicken!) or a burger comprising of white beans and beetroot, flavoured eastern-european style with dill and pickled cabbage. So obviously went for the latter. Being that I am half Czech it’s too tempting not to have some flavours that my mama would make back in the day.

We actually both went for the same thing, so out came our burger and fries. They looked totally devourable and tasted divine. They were a fair size but nothing we couldn’t handle. I mean, eating is like my hobby so I took my time and polished off most of it (minus some chips). Obviously immediately after we both felt full, however usually it subsides after a bit of digestion…

Veggie Burger


1 hour post-dinner

Okay, we’ve left the restaraunt now and are having a pre-gig drink at a pub. My stomach actually feels bigger than when I first finished my food. I’m looking at my G&T with a sense of dread as I think I might pop Henry 8th style if I finish it. What is going on? It was a burger and fries not a food challenge! I look at my boyfriend and can tell he is in the same boat. The faint hope is still there that we will start to feel a little more comfortable if we give it enough time.

2 hours post-dinner

We felt so challenged at the digestive process that even holding a conversation at the pub seemed laboured. We finished our drinks and left, walking up and down Camden High Street in the cool air for some relief before heading to our venue. It begins to dawn on us that this is no usual post-meal feeling. This is something way, way, worse. But how could it be?  We didn’t eat any more than we usually would. We suffer from no digestive ailments and the food was clearly cooked well so it couldn’t be due to that. We’ll just ignore it any go about our business as usual..

3 hours post-dinner

At the venue now, listening to some cool blues music courtesy of Ian Siegal (check him out if you haven’t already!). The g&t is still looking more like a punishment than a treat. We’re both standing but even that is difficult, my belly is pressing against the cute faux-leather skirt I wore especially. I can’t bear it, I just want to sit down and unzip my gut so it can hang free in all it’s gargantuan glory. Enjoyment of the gig is severely effected, can’t quite get in the mood.

3.5 hours post-dinner

Mid-set now, probably 8 tracks in, I look over to my boyfriend, kinda hoping that he is feeling normal again and enjoying the gig but also kinda hoping that his guts are just as bad so we can bail out and go home. He confirms the latter. Literally, we felt so awfully bloated and full it killed the vibe of the evening. Got the tube back home and would describe the feeling of walking through the front door, removing my tight skirt and flopping out on the sofa as somewhat orgasmic. So the vegetarian disaster meal has turned into a vegetarian disaster night.


I am a seasoned professional at burgers and beers. I know some might argue that the beers didn’t exactly help the situation but honestly I have never felt so bloated in my whole beer-drinking life so I knew that couldn’t be it. Out of curiosity I start to think ‘well, what else was in that burger?’ I check back at the menu and see that the patty is primarily made out of white beans.

Vegetarian disaster - beans that bloat

Moral of the story..Don’t EVER order anything made entirely out of white beans

‘Beans, beans, the musical fruit’. Yes, we all know the song but let’s face it, no one ever really thinks like that when you pick some food with beans in it. I’ve had beans plently of times with no ramifications, so what gives? White beans are super difficult to digest, as my Google search confirms. They are very fiborous and will sit in your gut and ferment causing that lovely tight-belly feeling. Queue suddenly feeling about 7 stone overweight or actually in the latter stages of a pregnancy. If only there was some warning on the menu like they do with crustaceans or gluten...’Warning, vibe-killer meal, liable to excessive bloating’. Honestly I have never known anything like it!

It was actually such a shame. I was trying to impress my boyfriend with some cool vegetarian food to turn him away from his beef burger eating ways. Needless to say the opposite has happened, he’s insisting that next time we’re out he picks the restaraunt. A total vegetarian disaster. The second shame is that I reckon the restaraunt is actually pretty sound (hense why I haven’t name-dropped them in this rant-post). The food was really nice! Although I do wish I had never eaten it because of all the trouble afterwards. It took about 48 hours before I felt back to normal.

A word of warning for all of you vegetarians though, beware of the beans. I am seriously blacklisting any bean-based food from my menu for a long while.

Total. Fail.