Wednesday, February 03, 2010

On Not Being Beautiful #1 - Beauty & Nonsense





Beauty in Culture.






Beautiful = Tolerable


Venus with Organist by Titian



Beauty and Status Anxiety













Jess said...

Immensely wise and elegantly argued, as always, and I am very glad you wrote it. So many women I know like to approach this issue like cheerleaders: It's not what you wear, but how you wear it! It's not about how you look, it's about attitude! Smile! Be positive! Stand up straight! Go you!

All of which is entirely well-meant, but I rankle at it: the notion that beauty-- not just as perceived by others, but a personal sense of being beautiful-- boils down to good posture and the flashing one's teeth, of being more positive or less argumentative, of adopting that rah-rah, Oprah-Winfrey brand of self-regard which makes a show of Going, Girl!, and not giving a toss what anyone else may think. It rankles because its basis is the idea that a woman inherently needs improving--just as damaging, in its way, as the more overt "makeover" programme.

And may I say that you are one of the lovliest people I know: you are wise and compassionate, intelligent and insightful-- and a very fine writer, which to another writer is about the most beautiful thing going. :)

The Goldfish said...

Thank you for such a kind comment, Jess. :-)

I'm totally with you about that positive attitude stuff (as with so much of the idea that mere believing it can make a thing come about). It's also bizarre the way that there far more cultural focus on women being beautiful or feeling beautiful than on being or feeling like a good person. Which you'd think would be more important to our own happiness and the happiness of those around us...

Wheelchair Dancer said...

I love this post. It has spawned some as yet unclear thinking. Would you mind if I wrote on a similar topic -- as a kind of conversation?


The Goldfish said...

Thanks WCD and of course. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'll put the next bit up very shortly.

RealSteveHolmes said...

You write fascinating stuff that deserves a much larger readership.

It takes a great deal of work by any woman to make herself unattractive to men but for those who insist, here is the recipe.

FIRST, declare to yourself, covertly so you mess your own mind up, that you will not lose your dignity by making yourself attractive for men. When this stupid denial of your biological imperative and nature is sufficiently embedded that it comes naturally without you even noticing, then any one of the following follow-up strategies will complete the picture perfectly. If you can combine two or more you have it made.


1) be demanding but refuse to give
2) assume that men feel the same way you do and decline to investigate further
3) make up blaming theories about men and rape, pornography, child molesting and perversion
4) wear highly fashionable and elegant clothes that give off the message that you are not pleasant and not available
5) become greedy and demanding with an extremely high sense of entitlement that no mere male is good enough to meet
6) create as many sexual complexities and problems as you can and wherever possible be ungenerous to any male who does find you attractive; don't let him think he is good enough
7) if all else fails start eating more calories than you can burn and then waffle on about needing comfort food because your body image (that has been dictated by horrible men) is so poor
8) advanced strategies for if all this fails include sneering, berating, nagging, criticising and never appreciating; these are all freely available to learn from your mother, who treated your father like shit when you were growing up, which is why he took off

Honestly, it's so easy to become unattractive, and yet by just doing nothing almost any woman would find out how attractive she is.

hearing damage said...

This is such a well written piece- I'm glad to haev stumbld upon your blog.

Mat Board said...

Having spent my life in the company of many women - having eight sisters and a wife with three daughters, there is definately something to be said about elegance and class making a women more beautiful no matter what her features project.

Loved your article - thanks from a mans point of view...

Mat Board

E Smith said...

Hi! I'm working on a Current Affairs idea for BBC3 about the notion of beauty, and how the fashion and beauty industry makles people feel ugly. I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on that, since you seem to articulate your own perception of it quite well. Please email me if you wouldn't mind me picking your brains!
Thanks. Emma