The rules of success, experts, and “doing it right”


The amazing thing about the internet is there is no end of opinions on the rules you must follow to get something you want in life. Sumati was looking at “The Curly Hair Girls’ Guide to Hair Care” last night, and I think that is all the proof you need.

There are rules, steps, 10 point programmes to everything, including and not limited to doing curly hair “right”.

Because we are used to putting the expert outside of us, we listen and do our best and try and follow these experts’ rules.

And that’s smart.

Finding an expert who is actually an expert and following their advice is how you learn to do anything in this world easily and quickly.

The trick is also knowing that you are your own expert, and when to follow the expert’s advice, and when to follow your own advice: when to write your own rules.

Tricky I know!

I know a woman who runs her own, very successful business, and only works four reasonable hour (not squashing five days into four) days a week.

I was fascinated at this because who doesn’t want to work less?

She told me that she realised that the only person stopping her running the business exactly the way she wanted to lived between her ears.

The Voice in her head looked around and told her that everyone else was doing it a certain way, therefore so should she.

After all, who was she to do things differently?

She might be wrong … she might fail, but also what would people then think of her?

It’s a tricky balance, I get that, but so often, so many more times than not, the thing that is stopping you from living life exactly how you want isn’t the RULES, but your unconscious adoption of these rules to be TRUE.

It takes a huge amount of faith to take a look at these self- and culturally imposed rules, see them as options, and decide to explore what is beyond them. To experiment.

Playing it safe it so much easier, isn’t it?

Yet that is not a life. At least, it’s not YOUR life.

Was it terrifying for my business owning friend to try something different?

Of course it was, terrifying. Was it difficult for her to give up the idea of “more money” for “enough money” plus quality of life? Yes, in the beginning, because she’d learnt that “more money” = success.

But she’d reached the point where anything else was too much of a compromise for what was truly in her heart, and too much of a compromise for the other things she loved about life: her relationship, family and health to name only three.

So after a while it wasn’t very difficult at all. In fact it made perfect sense when she stepped back and reclaimed her “expert of her own life” status.

This is the very thing I’m playing with.

What is my personal definition of success?

What do I consider true and real, but is actually an option?

What are the rules that I’m unconsciously following that actually aren’t working for me?

And vice versa … 

What advice have I been given that I suspect will work, but I am unwilling to at least explore and experiment with?

All this is an important thing for me to see clearly because there are things in life that I want to do. 

One thing I am wary of is getting to the end of my life not having made the most of the skills, passions and things I care deeply about.

For me, it is the journey of waking up, and as I do this, the joy and satisfaction I get from helping others wake up in some way.

I love helping people see how they can live life simpler and bolder with more adventure, growth and joy. To help you realise who you really are.

Whatever you want from life, I bet the people you admire most in this world, the people that have made the biggest impact on your life, are very clear on what works for them and what doesn’t.

They are very clear on what their rules are, and what is optional.

These people got clear because they tested and tried their assumptions and expectations. They went beyond their comfort zones to try things a little differently.

They listened to experts, and if it worked for them, they stuck to it. They know it works for them, so they do it. If it didn’t, they threw it out.

Sounds simple huh?

It is simple, but often not easy, simply because it takes a smidgeon of courage and persistence to find and then follow your own path.

But if it’s important enough to you, you can find the small amount of courage and sticking power, as well as the support, needed to take you through.

So that is what I want to offer you today – EXPLORE.

You are the expert of your own life. You are.

You get to define what success is for you. You do.

You get to decide how you live life. Given your circumstances, you get to decide how you respond to life, you get to choose your attitude. You always have that freedom.

You get to chase any dream you want. You do.

You may have responsibilities which might get in the way of these dreams, but you also get to choose what you are responsible for. You do.

You say there are rules about responsibilities, some which are impossible to break, but I bet you good money the rules that you believe are truths are actually options.

At the very least you get to choose how responsible you feel for your responsibilities, if that makes any sense at all. A heavy heart or a light heart is up to you. A tight grip or a light guiding touch? It’s up to you.

You get to choose a lot more than the Voice will give you credit for.

Overall you get to give the world the gift of Aliveness in living your life the way you want to. By reclaiming the power of freedom of choice, you path the way for so many. You do. 

The foundation to living freedom is realising that you aren’t a Voice in your head.

You are unbounded Presence itself. Beyond your possessions, relationships, health and body, emotions and thinking, that is who you truly are. You are way more than anything that comes and goes.

In connection with that essence you live aligned. Purely, creatively, kindly, boldly, truthfully, free.

You live the life you were meant to live before you listened to all the rules telling you how to live “right”.