Depression is Depressing

Some days just aren't good. You wake up in the morning and feel lost in a cloud. You're carrying around something heavy - too heavy to unload on anyone else. Nothing tastes good, your buds are numb. You're in the mood for no one yet every one is talking to you.

Noise, all you can hear is noise. You can't wait to get home from work and close off all the lights and all the sounds of the day. You have no hunger, you desire nothing except for the peace that envelops and surrounds you.

Everything is an effort and you have so little energy that it makes even the smallest of tasks seem impossible.

You try to sleep but you can't. You try to read but you can't. You can't do anything except ride the Ferris wheel that keeps going around and around in your mind. You want to get off of it and you want to stay on. Going around in circles is redundant but it's comforting because every time it seems you are coming toward the bottom and are going to have to hop off and rejoin reality, the wheel spins you upward and brings you back to safety.

Levity is bliss.

There are pills and prayers, there are knives and ropes but they all lead to the end of a cliff where the pebbles spill as if from a gumball machine that requires no quarters.

A decision looms. Can you go on day to day waking up to the twisting pain in your gut and the relentless demons picking at your brain with ice axes?

There is no clear way - there is no path to follow - every route is closed and each intersection is the same as the last - backed up, bumper to bumper, moving nowhere except here.

And here is no place to be.

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