Let’s address the 2,000 pound gorilla in the room. You don’t know how to tie a tie. You are 30 years old and you still haven’t given a second thought to wrapping a piece of cloth around your neck and making it look fancy. You just have someone else do it, then you loosen it, and hang the pre-tied tie up on the nearest hook. If that tie comes undone, you never wear that tie again. It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. But you know who might have a problem with it? Donkey Kong. He is unimpressed with your low dress standards. He’s an ape, and a tie is the only thing he wears. Don’t piss off Donkey Kong. Learn to tie a tie.

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