All the judging...

Posted on January 14 2019

All the judging...

Ever have one of those days? The ones where it just feels like the world is against you? Your husband is in a foreign country for the week, this automatically puts naughty child behaviors at level high, and you get a flat tire on the way home from preschool drop. Not an ordinary flat tire, a down to the rim no way to fix this flat tire. 

Carefully you creep from the Starbuck parking lot across the intersection to the tire place, cursing in multiple languages under your breath. The husband character is a car guy, he will disapprove no matter what tire you choose. So, you call him until he wakes up, it’s the middle of the night for him. He mutters to buy two tires, not super helpful when looking at racks upon racks of tires and hangs up.

The tire store is freezing and there’s a wait. Dashing out to the car to find something warm to wrap the baby in you find a snowsuit wedged in the trunk. The baby of course isn't dressed for the chilly 22-degree Chicagoland day. After all preschool is a three-minute drive from the house and the teachers get the children out of the cars. Hell, I've gone before without pants on, but that's a story for another day. 

You find a neighbor to come rescue at the tire store, move the car seat from your van to theirs and home you go. Husband brand new shiny "don't let a child breathe in me" car awaits you there. Uninstall car seat from neighbor’s van, reinstall car seat in car. Remembering why you love you van because installing car seats in cars frankly sucks. Install a second car seat in car for the preschooler and back to school you go, its pickup time already. 

This is the preschoolers first day in the classroom, of course, and you arrive breathless and just in time to not be late. While you wait in line the other parents familiar with one another chatter about their holiday. You hear one mother say to another how adorable the baby, yours, is in the snowsuit. The other mother starts in very passive aggressively about how unsafe snowsuits are in cars and how nearly all children wearing them in accidents die a horrible death.

She of course wedged it between two complements as all judgy passive aggressive moms do. As if the nice beginning and end make up for the shit middle. She can take her "complement" sandwich and shove it... well you know where. 

The teacher comes out announces that all students have a birthday invitation in their bags, and the judgy mom behind you glows as its for her child. The teacher then continues announcing the new student in the class, your child, and then on about the day. 

You turn to a tap, tap on your shoulder. Its judgy mom. Pulling back and restraining with every fiber of your being you paste on a smile. Judgy mom then proceeds to tell you they have a class parent committee and invites you to participate. You nod and move on, thinking it will be a cold day in hell to yourself. 

Wrangling the baby and preschooler into their seats, which again has you missing your van off for home you head when a preschool voice in the back-seat pipes up "Mom I need to go pee right now." Alarmed you look in the review do preschool bladder math verses the distance to your home. You decide to chance it and reassure the preschool you'll be home in two minutes. From the backseat you hear the preschooler mutter "well, shit" under her breath and think in agreement that’s the prefect way to explain the day and the pee now in your husbands brand new shiny car. 


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