This is now

Still depressed. Don’t know what the future is going to bring. I am currently failing to plan so my plan is to fail. this isn’t an original thought. I heard it on a YouTube clip of Hannah Gadsby interview and it sticks with me as my current state of affairs.

why not plan to fail? really? my plan to succeed failed. Success looked like getting that degree, starting a production company with Xi, being with Xi; Xi died. That plan failed and I wasn’t planning on the failure so why not plan to fail?

Rumor is that the current contract I’m on is going to end September 30 or there abouts. Fine. It just means that I can’t dick around anymore about finding a new job. because I have been dicking around. I can get through the day. and It’s not enough but it’s what I can do. get through each and every one of these days without her in them 737 days I’ve gotten through successfully.

There was something else I wanted to write but whatever it was is gone now.