Friday, June 5, 2015

Can you keep a secret?

On the way home a few days ago, I had this realization with my friend MFA. When does a secret remains as a secret? If I revealed the secret to a friend or a group of friends, how long will it remain as a secret? How many people should know for everything to remain as a secret?

Apparently, there's no head count needed to ensure the preservation of a secret. MFA and I agreed that more than the chance of revealing the secret, we lose control over that hidden piece of information when we decide to spill it to someone else. That someone else does not require a head count. One person is more than enough to cause some ruin or worst comes to worst, a chaos among the people involved in the secret.

A few months ago, I became a victim of this realization. MFA also had her share of experience. This a proof that MFA and I are indeed friends. We share the story. We share the misery. I wouldn't discuss the case of MFA. Her story is harder to explain because there was a third wheel in the story. Guess who? Facebook! Hahahahaha Most of you are probably aware of how one status message, photo or the restricted access feature can ruin even friendships built for years. Another, hahahahaaha!

My story is likewise quite complicated to explain. It involved several people within my immediate working environment. Bottomline, I revealed a set of criticism pointed to my friend BKK and her other friends. My intention was to warn BKK on how people perceive her. I wanted BKK to become aware. BKK deserves the truth and being her friend, I felt obliged to do it. I told her to become mum about the criticisms I heard. Unfortunately, BKK ruined my concern.  Turns out, BKK spread my message to her other friends. The other friends were fuming mad and as you can sense it, chaos happened. BKK's other friends were able to track my sources. There were confrontations made. Hurtful status messages were later posted in Facebook and Twitter. 

On my end, I felt the need to talk to BKK. I wanted to backfire with my own version of confrontation. BKK was quite lucky because I had other serious problems when everything happened. I expressed my disappointment to BKK through an SMS. We talked days after and I became quite proud of myself. I acted as the mature friend, given that BKK is way older than me. I held my disappointment because BKK kept on defending herself. She claims to be innocent. According to BKK, her only mistake was she underestimated her other friends. She never realized that her other friends are capable of staging that grand chaos. What BKK failed to realize, she broke her promise. She ruined our agreement of keeping everything as a secret.  God, I give up. BKK was more concerned with her innocence than my welfare. As it appears, everything now boils down to me and my big mouth. I'm the mastermind. I'm the root cause of all the chaos.

After this experience, MFA and I shared the realization that it will only take one person to unlock any secret. Unfortunately, the one person can sometimes be in the shoes of your most trusted friend. Once a secret reaches another person, you lose control. You are no longer the owner of that hidden piece of information. And like any other property owner, those who own it possess the freedom to do anything with it. Next time, I believe that the question is no longer limited to, can you keep it a secret? Will you be responsible co-owner the of the secret?  


  1. There is a lot of trust when a secret is told.

  2. Oh, Diaaaannnneee...I so know how you feel. Been on both sides of that damned road. The only way to keep a secret is to never tell anyone.

  3. It's happened to me, too. Twice, to be exact. But I've learned my lesson. I'm now very careful when it comes to sharing a secret with someone. Sa huli kasi, ikaw pa ang lalabas na masama kahit maganda ang intensyon mo. Sana lang ang mga tao kapag sinabihan na secret, i-secret talaga.

    1. Totoo yan. Ilang beses na akong na-burn ng ganyan. Even if you're telling them to protect them, ikaw pa ang contravida.
      Alam mo, Edel, weird pa. Alam ng lahat na ang daldal ko, and yet they continue to pour their secrets sa akin. It's as if gusto nilang lumabas talaga ang sikreto. Haha.

  4. I was looking for your Sunday party...?

  5. The number of people who know about your secret is equal to (n+1) raised to the third power (paano ba mag-superscript dito? :-o), where n is the number of people you tell your secret to, and 1 is a constant being you. ;-)

