The "Selfless" Guy - Bachelorette Recap Ep 3

By: Kim Coates

Photo: Paul Hebert/ABC

Photo: Paul Hebert/ABC

On this week’s go-around, I got a sinking feeling watching Colton, (the guy who briefly dated Becca's friend and former Bachelor contestant Tia) express his dedication to Becca. Attempting to crush the idea that he still had feelings for Tia, Colton spoke vehemently to the camera in an ITM (a.k.a., an In-The-Moment, when cast members do mini-interviews with Production in the present tense about what is happening currently on the show and how they are feeling, even though technically it had happened in the past):  

"I'm gonna work my ass off everyday to prove to her that I’m honest and trustworthy," he declared.

With Colton’s words, I was reminded of an ex of mine who said something similar when trying to apologize for being a drunken idiot the night before. In the moment, this type of thing sounds soooooooo heartfelt and sweeps one off her feet, at least a little.

But it is the very sweetly bland (read: generic) nature of such statements that also makes them so goddamn suspect.

My aforementioned ex “selflessly” strove to make good on those words...for maybe a week or two...then did a 180 and became the opposite, blaming ME for being needy and selfish. Huh?!

The point is, I’m concerned that those kinds of pivots are what we can generally expect from people who make such seemingly selfless over-the-top statements to begin with.


Really what it makes you feel when this happens is that you've been tricked, gaslighted, which is, quite possibly, the most frustrating experience ever. I hope Colton doesn't take this path and backpedal on these lofty words, and prove wrong my worry that people like him (and my ex) are really more interested in the narrative in their mind they are painting of themselves, versus actually getting to know or discover who they are dating, what is important to her, etc. It's more about them proving something to the world, like some Prince Charming from Central Casting that they’re "honest" and "trustworthy".

Or is he trying to prove he is a “real man”? That’s what it all feels like. In the writing world, we call this “show not tell”: if he confidently embodied those traits then he would simply demonstrate them, not have to talk about them. It boils down to the fact that Colton's holier-than-thou selflessness does not read as real...or maybe those people do exist and I just haven't encountered any in New York City?!

Either way, Colton is on my red-alert right now.   

Then there’s Clay.

Clay, who seemed like the real deal, truly and genuinely sweet, this week made an early exit, because he broke his wrist playing football with Becca.


So let me get this straight: a pro-football player hurts his wrist on a football-playing date?! The irony is killing me.

Maybe I’m most upset because I loved Becca and Clay’s connection so much. It's frustrating when breakups occur not over actual feelings but over something more arbitrary like timing, or, a broken wrist. But wait. Doesn’t surgery take just a week or two for recovery? Maybe he’ll be back….

In other highlights of the episode, Jordan and David continue their feud over “ingenuninity.” (No, it's not a real word). Jordan calls David a "dry chicken." David ends up falling out of his top bunk during the night and injuring himself.

Garrett flashes his mega-watt smile a few times this episode, but that doesn't hide (from us, the TV audience, at least) the fact that he has a shady instagram past of "faving" a lot of bigoted posts. Becca! See the writing on the wall!

It’s already going off the rails, and I love it.

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