Saturday, September 23, 2017

10 Reasons Why The World Cannot End Today

Surely you've heard the apocalyptic warning by now that the world as we know it, will end today. Today's random date was picked for Biblical AND Astrological reasons (!) which makes it all the more cringeworthy and credible. Let me paraphrase the experts. I do it all the time on the blog. They never mind and no one has sued me. Yet. 

Apparently, Virgo is in some sort of birth travail at the moment and Pisces...or was it Pisces having the astral baby....ONE of them is about to give birth and the tail of some star chart is aligned with the head of said pregnant skirt-wearing constellation which is supposed to cause a nasty collision with the planet Nibiru  (aka Planet X) first told to us by a woman in Wisconsin who says aliens planted a microphone in her brain and dubbed her prophetic and wise, at which point said cataclysmic collision and explosion of the earth's crust will cause a calamitous event meant to evacuate either (1) all the Christians who are ready to meet Jesus  (2) all the Republicans who won't vote for repeal and replace (that would be ONE)  or (3) all the Democrats who secretly pretend to abhor Republican hold-outs for their "self-righteous" ways but really just want the same thing in a different bottle on most days minus a few whippersnappers with common sense and compassion. Amen and amen.  That leaves maybe 3 people in the House and 1 in Congress give or take a few janitors. 

During Bloggingham's solar eclipse in my backyard.
What do you see?
And ALL of this was foretold by clouds during the recent Solar Eclipse and rooted in ancient numerology. 

See how I explained that so succinctly?

Ten Reasons Why The World Cannot End Today

1. Homer needs a bath

2. I need a bath

3. I have a pie in the oven
I ain't takin' no half-baked crust to Jesus

4. Baby Beans has to return the shopping cart. 
But first I have to get him out of it.
Hurry up, Baby Beans!
 We have a disaster to attend.

5. I'm too busy running to the emergency room. Mama fell and broke her hand.  And now sheeee needs a bath. Who is gonna do it? Yours Truly

6. My lesson plans are overdue. Again. 
I figured if the world was going to end we wouldn't need them next week.
Strangely, my principal did not agree.

7. ULTA is having a sale.

8. I need to read the end of three books I haven't finished. I don't think there are any book clubs where I'm going....

9.   I haven't downloaded all the solar eclipse shenanigans that happened in the woods of Bloggingham. Dancing with a moonsun was epic and life-changing. 
 I wore a moon-smock and saw a woman in the clouds. You see her too, right?

and last but certainly not least.... are we still here????

10.  There are peace globes to gather. Peace globes to blog. Peace globes! 
Peace globes! Peace globes! Do you have your peace globe?

Now if you'll excuse me, my pie is burning.
As most of you predicted it would. 
See? Now THAT's credible.

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Red Shoes said...

I love your reasoning... and the photos...

Personally, I have given up on making any plans to go to Heaven... past history etc etc etc... I'm so screwed.

Are you flipping off your readers?

I need to try to write again...

I've been to speak.


Mimi Lenox said...

Shoes - You and I are always "sidelined" LOL LOL

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love your humour, kiddo...........yes, it is time to start rallying the peace globes....this is the first time, I think, since we began, that the nuclear threat is this high........thanks to two people who shall not be named.

Mimi Lenox said...

Sherry - We don't need to name them. Oh, but we shall we shall we shall raise a ruckus with our peace globes and speak from all manner of places and corners.
Peace peace peace be HEARD.

It's important.

Linda said...

All valid reasons in my book. It is 4:06 p.m. and we are still here.

Mimi Lenox said...

Linda - exactly!!
Thanks for commenting.

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