Facing the Truth – Exclusive Excerpt Dear God How Do I Get Over a Former Lover I Still Love?


By Barbara Rose, PhD

Why Truth Is So Empowering

The reason why your truth is so empowering is because it is a part of you. If you try to block it out, or avoid it, then you are disempowering yourself. When you disempower yourself, you send a strong negative message to your psyche that you are not even worthy enough to feel your own feelings.

How can you “get over” or transform something deep within if you do not allow it to surface? How can you learn to trust yourself if you won’t allow yourself to feel your truth?

Trust is built on truth. Trusting yourself means feeling all of your truth rather than what you may have been taught are “strong” or “weak” feelings. It is a lie to say that some feelings are strong, some weak, some good, and some bad. Every feeling is valid, every single one! When you tell yourself that one feeling is acceptable and another is unacceptable, what you are really telling yourself, even if completely on the unconscious level, is that parts of you are acceptable and parts are unacceptable.

This is what must be transformed first. How you view your feelings is the foundation of how you view yourself and the foundation of learning how to trust yourself.


When you trust yourself, you feel free to be who you really are. You will drop every wall, façade, ego game, self-denial, self-blame, hatred, and the false views that anything or any condition outside of you constitutes your worth.

You may wonder what this has to do with the subject of this book. So I will share the answer with you now.

How can you possibly be with someone you either have loved, love now, or will love if you cannot honor your inherent truth? You cannot! This is why the pain persists! It is because there is still a part of you that has a fear or false belief that your ego has led you to believe does not deserve to be fully honored and accepted.

Once you honor and accept whatever you have deemed to be unacceptable in terms of your truest feelings, you will be able to really let your guard down. Then you can follow what your deepest feelings and instincts are telling you in the moment.

This cannot be planned. You cannot plan how you are going to feel in a future moment. What you can do, however, is allow yourself to get into the habit of feeling whatever it is you feel, and then ask yourself what your feelings are trying to tell you. Moreover, the greatest thing you can do when you are experiencing unpleasant feelings is to do a writing about them: ask God what your feelings are trying to tell you, what you may need to learn, and how you can grow by receiving the higher perspective about your feelings. This process is entirely self-empowering, and it leads to positive and pure personal transformation.


Of course, like me, you can look back and see all of the mistakes you made because you were too afraid of being hurt. For example, I remember when I felt too scared to openly express feelings of anger in an honest and diplomatic manner. I was afraid of being rejected and having anger lashed at me. Instead of just coming out and saying what was bothering me, I used the silent treatment–not answering my phone or talking for two weeks. Looking back on it, I know that it was unhealthy, childish, and the exact opposite of how I would handle feeling and expressing anything today. I wasn’t relating; I was avoiding because I was too scared to relate. I was petrified of appearing “needy” when what I needed most was to know, honor, and express my truth. Since that time, I learned about healthy communication from my writings. I learned how to express myself honestly in the moment, which is much healthier for me and for any relationship. We can learn from hindsight. But it is imperative that you begin to focus on this now moment when you are consciously feeling something: simply get quiet within, and ask yourself what your feelings are trying to tell you.

It is vital that you stop labeling your feelings as good or bad, weak or strong. These labels are all ego, and I am positive that the layers of ego you want to shed, which will enable you to come fully into your authentic self, can only be shed when you consider all feelings as valid.

Here’s a good rule of thumb to keep in your mind when your head tells you that one feeling is “better” than another. View each feeling in terms of temperature, without judgment. If it’s thirty-two degrees and you feel cold, this is valid. After all, thirty-two degrees is the freezing point. If it’s thirty-two degrees and you feel warm, that would still be valid; you might have a fever. So all feelings are equally valid.

At this point, you might be wondering something like this: When is she going to tell me how to get over the one I love?

So here is your answer. What you truly want to get over is your pain. It is perfectly fine to love someone for the rest of your life. Trying to get over love is like trying to stop the sun from shining. I would venture to say that is not going to happen any time soon.

What your heart needs to understand, with emotional neutrality, is that “getting over love” is like getting over truth. Do you really want to get over your truth, or would you rather learn how to live with it in the healthiest and most honest way possible?

Remember: it is not the love that you are trying to get over. It is emotional pain. Did you ever consider what you can create by using this phenomenal love as a positive catalyst in your life?

When a connection is so deep, honor it. Are you creative? Let this deep love trigger a creation: a book, a new line of greeting cards, a class or course, a means of helping others, or even an unfolding process of freeing yourself from resisting and fighting all you feel.

This is what is empowering and positive. The love is there for a higher reason. Express something from it. Create whatever means something to you in your heart. Stop running away from love, because you’ll be running for eternity.

It is time to learn how to live with the love.

© Copyright 2006, 2013 Barbara Rose, PhD All Rights Reserved. Excerpt from Dear God, How Do I Get Over a Former Lover I Still Love? Re-printed with permission from The Rose Group, October 2006) ISBN-10: 0974145793.


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