Saturday, February 11, 2012

Changes Are Eminent

He was born 5 years before me.  To me, his  family is large.  5 kids..2 brothers and 2 sisters. His dad worked two jobs sometimes.  His mom was a stay at home mom which was common in their generation.  His mom had supper ready when her husband came home from work.  She made sure everyone in the family had what they needed.  She did it all.  The kids had chores, but his mom looked after everyone.  She even butchered the chickens they raised on their 5 acres.  The boys worked on a local farm after school. They lived in a rural the farmland area.

I was raised in the city.  My dad worked swing shifts in the steel mills in South Chicago.  He commuted to work by train and stayed over at his sister's home when he had to work a double shift. My mom never worked outside our home.  They were really my aunt and uncle and by the time I went to live with them, their youngest daughter was 10.  I got my first job at 13 as a car hop in a local root beer stand and also babysat for our neighbor.  From that time on I always had a job.  I didn't need one, but I always felt that I should provide as much as I could for myself.  If you were home when supper was ready you ate.  If not, it was fend for yourself.  I bought most of my own clothes and paid for my own expenses.

My daughter and the boys will be moving to their own home next weekend. She has leased a home located about a mile from us.  Terry and I have the same and different emotions about the move.  He and I were discussing those feelings this morning.  It occurred to me that the reason we feel so differently about the boys moving out has everything to with the way each of us was raised.

In one way, our feelings are the same.  He had a really good childhood in a loving family home.  He wants that same thing for the boys.  I had a not so great childhood being raised in a dysfunctional family.  I want the boys to have that loving family too.  Things are different in this day.  A loving family is not always a mom, dad and children.  What is normal, anyway?  We did our job.  We were there when they needed us, and we will be here when they need us to be, for what ever the current need is.

I don't worry about who is going to make sure they get to school on time.  Will they keep their grades up.
Will their clothes be clean.  I don't reason that they have a mom to be sure it all gets done.  I know that I have made sure they know how to do laundry, cook, and keep their rooms clean.  Terry has taught them how to do all the things boys should know and maybe some they shouldn't ~lol~. Did I say that?

Notice my picture?  Change is coming for all of us.  If you know me, you know the sun is my shining symbol of hope and well being.  The sun is there too, right in the picture assuring me that it's a good thing.


Gloria said...

Well Carol, not matter the changes that are to be, I am sure you will keep on trucking. You are a strong person. I've always thought that about you. I'm sure your children will be missed but as time would have it, it's their time to find themselves. I'm sure you'll have their backs. Smile, the journey ahead is a good one. take care and enjoy your weekend.

Penny Berens said...

That's the best thing we can there when they need us.

jinxxxygirl said...

So good to see a post from you! Its been awhile! always comes along doesn't it?? Its the one thing that is certain in this world i guess. It was so nice to learn a little bit about you and your family. My hubs and i had very different upbringings too. And i can see how it colors our perception of things.

So is it just you and hubby at home now?? That takes some adjusting too. It will all come out in the wash i like to say. And it usually does. As much as i miss my daughter it would take quite an effort on both our parts to be able to live together Chin up girlfriend! Hugs! deb

Momma Bear said...

they're only mile away
you can check on them, if feel the need.
they can check on you, if they feel the need and maybe raid the fridge.
they are all old enough to do for themselves, as you have taught them.
they will make mistakes and be the better for it.
you did good,
time for the birds to fly

more than time to be able to run nekkid through your own house, if you want to!

DIAN said...

Change can be challenging. Hold onto whatever it is that gives you strength.

Donna said...

I know you are sad to see them go and will miss them underfoot. But you also get some ME TIME back and some space to reclaim.

Just remember... they are just minutes ago when you feel the urge to hug one of them.


Robbie said...

It's so hard to 'let go' and let the changes happen in our life...but...aren't we proud of the 'person' our kids have become! And that's a compliment to you! I always wanted my kids to live 'on the back 40' and never leave home. I have survived! Now I feel that way about the grand kids!!!

ACreativeDreamer said...

Change is the only constant, isn't it? And you know, this time of our lives seems to be so very, very full of it. I am sure that all will work out, regardless of how unsure I am... sometimes, not as I wish, but it always works out.

Jan said...

I can tell you have mixed emotions about this change but if they are only a mile away, you should all be able to still see each other a lot. From what I can tell, you are a very close, supportive and loving family and that won't change.

Timaree said...

One thing is for certain - change happens! The boys sound old enough to start spreading their wings a bit anyhow. I sure hope it works out for all of you! I know you and your husband are going to be remembered specially just as my kids remembered my dad (we lived with him several times for short periods as my husband got stationed here or there in the navy).

Magic Love Crow said...

Change is good and sometimes can be challenging. Life always changes and you never truly know what is going to happen. I live with my mom and I wouldn't want it any other way. Big Hugs and all the best ;o)

Crystal said...

It sounds like a wonderful adventure for all of you.

And you'll all make it work by smoothing out any bumps - together!

Sending much love to you, Terry, Laurie, and the boys,

xo :-)

Rocki said...

Carol... this gave me goosebumps! Change is indeed constant and never ending. It's how we move with it and not against that makes us strong.

Love n Hugs my friend!

Barbara said...

Ah, many swirling emotions here. Thank you for sharing them. One nice thing, only a mile away! :)

GardenofDaisies said...

Changes are hard. But this is a wonderful step towards independence for your daughter and her family. I'm sure they will face challenges from time to time, but you will not be far away. It's all good.

Lisa Criswell said...

i can really identify with how you and terry feel the same but different and it was because how you were raised. my husband and i were raised totally different. sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it causes problems. but we manage. and you're right...what is normal now? i think extended and blended families moving in and out of each others' lives is the norm.

Cathy K said...

Well, as others have said, change is inevitable. What matters is how we deal with it. You and Terry are well grounded and communicate so well, too. Without a doubt you have been a positive influence on both generations. And they are not far away. Apron strings and wings - a life-long balancing act, isn’t it?

So many of us are going through these same things with our children and their children. We never stop being a safety net for them. But we wouldn’t have it any other way, would we?

Big hugs to you, Carol!!