Things Men Say to Women that Make Women….

Pause? Take a good look at themselves in the mirror? Look around, wondering if the guy in question is speaking to someone else? and if that woman is me, just stare at the guy, dumbfounded, hoping he realises the idiocy of his statements.I think many men these days believe the sun shines out of their ass and the stars align in a straight line when they wake up in the morning. As far as I’m concerned, those are the only conditions under which a guy is allowed to say some of the crazy things I’ve listed below:

“Girls like you end up being taken for granted”: This is usually the statement, (no scratch that), the howl of a hurt and broken little boy, trapped in a man’s body, who finds it hard to believe a lady just said no to him. The phrase ‘girls like you’ hints at a classification of girls that tend to carry themselves higher than his ego or cheap tactics. The only way he thinks he can break her is to notify her of a bleak future that lays ahead of her according to his myopic, (no scratch that), ‘sight-less’ mind.

“I would like you to be my side chic”: Erm, thanks for the offer, I’m flattered but you can shove it….. anywhere you please as long as it’s far away from me. Am I the only one that stares disbelievingly when a guy utters this sentence to me? How on earth does any man think it’s ok to walk up to a self-respecting lady and say to her “I’m married and I love my wife but I’d like to keep you as a spare wheel because, you know, you’re not good enough to be my main girl.” That’s what it sounds like to me and many times, I sit and wonder… “Did this person even take a good look at me?” Do I look like the kind of girl anyone should be hiding?” I ask those questions because being a side chic means you’re hidden, can’t be known to friends, can’t hang out in public, can’t take pictures together not to mention tag each other on facebook… Nah being a side chic begins and ends in the bedroom. Why does any man think any normal girl would agree to this???!!! Oh that’s not all…a blatant refusal to that question is often followed by statements like “I feel sorry for you; many girls would kill to have an offer like this” “by the time you realise what you’re missing, I’ll be long gone.” Erm dude, no problem, I’ll buy you a ticket to move to Greenland if need be!

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“You’ll never find another guy like me”: I pray I don’t! I doubt I can take another dose of ego, arrogance, conceit, self-centredness and plain lack of chivalry so please get lost in the maze. I hope there’s just one of you breathing.

“You’ll be begging me by 30”: Of course! To move out of the way so normal men can approach me considering how thick your skull is! This sentence is so common these days. Many men believe a single woman must be dying of loneliness so they take it upon themselves to remind women that have rejected them that no other men will be available and at 30, he’ll be the best available option. I think this is very common amongst Nigerian men that believe women will start to regret their decisions to not date them once 30 approaches. I mean it’s more irritating when the guy saying this is an ambition-less, jobless, intelligent-less individual. When I hear this sentence, I just stare at the man until he feels like his skin is melting. I just don’t think such men are worth any words. Let your eyes say all that should be said.

“If you can’t cook for me, I can’t date you” Aww! Now you’re gonna make me cry. Actually, I’ll sit in front of the mirror and listen to a taylor swift song while a tear slowly runs down my cheek. Why should I cook to prove myself as girlfriend material? I really want men to answer this. Are you dating me because of culinary benefits or because of the attraction you feel towards me. I love cooking for myself and I’d gladly cook for any guy that has my father’s blood running through his veins but to cook for a guy that hasn’t put a ring on it, all in a bid to prove to him that I’m worth dating is just bucket-loads of…. (Fill in the gap). I’m not created to horizontally expand the waist line of every tom, dick and harry so bye Felicia!