drunk quotes


10. I got a grandbaby who don't sleep.  You gots to pick her up and rub her, just rub her.  I been rubbin' her nearly fourteen hours today.  Hell, I even been to Tennessee and back two times today... I take some loads, gotta get paid, you know?  Then I come back home and rub rub rub.


9.  Last time I flew to Jamaica I took my pit bull with me.  I had to buy a ticket for her.  Because you can't drive to Jamaica... you wouldn't drive anyways.  You're comin' out cheaper flyin' than driving, including the price of your dog's ticket.


8.  Get your dirty fingers outta my asscrack pronto jack!


7.  Well, I was gonna get it down lower on my titties, then I decided they was too perty to do that, so I got it all up around my neck instead.  (Said in response to the question, 'Do you think that tattoo was a good idea?')


6.  I got a family but they don't care.  They don't love me, they don't love Easter.  They don't give a shit and I don't give a rat's ass about them anyhow.  But a Merry Easter to you, Mr. Bartender.


5.  I'm on the road twenty-four to thirty-six hours every day.


4.  All I hear is goddamn train whistles...I hear 'em when I'm sleeping...I hear 'em when I'm walking... I hear 'em when I'm sleepwalking...And lemme tell ya, there's nothing like chasin' after a train when you're in the middle of a good shit.


3.  I got a little tipsy last night and took to kissin' on my cousin.... naw, I tried to but she wouldn't let me...


2.  (In response to the question, 'Is your maw picking you up tonight?') Shit, son, you know my maw don't want me comin' to no music concert.  I told her I was at Damian's house playin' videos.


1.  I'm gonna catch me a piece of that flying fried chicken.