30 July 2010

The Gates S1 E3 "Breach"

Spoilers Ahead










Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with subtle fangs.


Weaknesses: Being married to a self-hating vampire.


Sound Bite

Claire: People change.
Christian: People do. We don't.


24 July 2010

Club Dead by Charlaine Harris

Spoilers Ahead

I don't get people. This is nothing new; I've often had trouble understanding why people do the things they do. Lately I'm suffering a lot of consternation trying to figure out why people like the things they like. The Sookie Stackhouse novels, for example. I'm trying to figure out how they can be bestsellers when the characters range between pointless and annoying, the editing is nonexistent, the mysteries are lame, and the writing sucks worse than a hungry vampire. I have to question whether maybe I'm being too hard on these books, whether maybe I should cut them some slack in light of the genre. But no--I've read numerous paranormal/suspense/romance type novels that are actually very good, with interesting characters, decent writing, and actual plots. Maybe it's the appeal of Eric that's got everyone so into these books; I know that sometimes one good character can overcome a lot of flaws. The thing is--I don't think Eric is that good. I mean, he's okay, but there are plenty of other books out there with equally good, if not better, characters. So what's the appeal?

In an attempt to figure it out, I've managed to come up with a list of ten reasons to love (or at least enjoy) the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Maybe the explanation rests somewhere within them.

1. If you've ever wondered what Elvis would be like undead, these books are for you.
2. Reading the books is like reliving the 80s, only with internet.
3. Club Dead (and likely the next books, as well) gives you a chance to swap teams Edward and Jacob for teams Eric and Alcide

4. No matter how bad your life is, you know Sookie's will be worse.
5. If your vocabulary needs work, you might learn something from Sookie's Word-a-Day calendar.
6. These books are perfect for anyone who enjoys finding errors and inconsistencies. In Club Dead you can ponder, among other things, how Bubba got into Alcide's apartment without an invite; or why drinking synthetic blood would possibly help Sookie after massive blood loss; or how Sookie, who is so "well-read" calls it the "Rhyme" of the Ancient Mariner (instead of the correct "Rime").
7. Sookie's willingness to voice and/or indulge every petty impulse she has allows readers to vicariously be shallow through her.
8. Superpowers don't seem so cool after reading these books, so you don't have to feel bad about about being a boring, powerless human.
9. The books are ideal for those with anxiety issues, because there's very little tension and resolutions come quickly.
10. It's hard not to enjoy vampires (and even werewolves), at least on some level.

I still don't get it. But if you want to find out more about Club Dead, read on.

The honeymoon seems to be over between Sookie and Bill, even before he runs off with his ex and then gets himself kidnapped and tortured. That's okay, though, because both Eric and Alcide (a werewolf) are there to take Sookie's mind off her problems with Bill. Conflicted about him and wanting to help after finding out he's gone missing, Sookie risks life and limb to save Bill (even as she's tempted to kill him herself). There's a variety of subplots, mostly involving werewolves and/or Bubba. In the end things are up in the air with Bill, Alcide may be a future love interest, and Sookie's set herself up in a power position among the vampires (although that's bound to backfire). Anything could happen next.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with skin that glows (although only Sookie can see it). Glistening white fangs.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Some vampires have the ability to fly. Vampire fangs secrete a healing agent (along with an anticoagulant and a coagulant). Quick healing, if the vampire is well fed.

Weaknesses: Being forced to stay awake during the day, silver, stakes, sunlight, starvation.

Mythology: Vampires almost never have long-term sexual relationships with one another because the "mating" and the blood gives them eternal power over each other. Apparently all vampires are either Celtic or modern pagans since they all celebrate Halloween because it's the ancient festival of Samhain (p. 93). It is considered good etiquette by a human, if they are wounded, to allow any nearby vampires to lick the wound. Vampires need an invitation to enter a private residence, but if the invitation is revoked they are compelled to leave.

Text Bites

Alcide to Sookie: You look like a real woman and not one those sick bitches who get off on hanging around the vamps. [And in one sentence the women's movement is set back 40 years.]

Sookie: Somehow, it had never crossed my mind--I guess since I'm an American--that the vampires who had snatched Bill might be resorting to evil means to get him to talk.


Dead until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas

Club Dead by Charlaine Harris. From Penguin (Ace Books).

22 July 2010

True Blood S3 E4 "9 Crimes"

Spoilers Ahead

Nine Crimes in "9 Crimes": Assault, serving alcohol to minors, blackmail, selling V, using V, uttering threats, kidnapping, forcible confinement, and murder. There's a few more that I think should be crimes, and probably a couple actual crimes I'm missing, but you get the picture--there's a whole lot of misbehavin' going on. Actually, there's a whole lot going on in general. Probably too much.

"9 Crimes" starts off with Sookie patching up Alcide after their little adventure at Lupines last episode. Just as the sexual tension between them starts building, Sookie's phone rings. And it turns out to be Bill! But the excitement is short-lived as he proceeds to tell Sookie he's leaving her for the less-fragile Lorena. He's cold and cruel, and he finishes by telling Sookie not to bother trying to find him because he doesn't want to be found. And yet, after he hangs up he looks heartbroken. And he should--he's just broken Sookie's heart.

Okay, so after that call it seems less likely that Bill's been hallucinating (read my crackpot theory here) everything that's been happening since he was kidnapped (unless he was under compulsion to make the call). Maybe he's just resigned to his fate as Lorena and the King's bitch. Maybe he just gives up way too easily. But it's hard to believe that what we're seeing is the whole story.

Sookie apparently agrees. Even as she's sobbing over her first-ever breakup, she still plans on finding Bill and seeing for herself whether he can look her in the eye and tell her he doesn't love her anymore. And to do that she needs to go back to Lupines to gather intel. And to do that she needs an uncooperative Alcide to come with.

Alcide seems a lot crankier in the show than in the book (I think in the book he was too busy being a "real" man to be cranky). Maybe the producers figured a short fuse would make him more "werewolf-y" or something. But if he's not snapping at Sookie or punching walls, he's giving our heroine smouldering looks (which she returns...so, not too upset about Bill). The character seems pretty one-dimensional, which is disappointing. But at least he finally agrees to take Sookie to Lupines--after she hears his sister's thoughts and finds out that his ex, Debbie, is a V addict, and that her so-called engagement party to Coot is actually an initiation into his gang of wolves. Alcide still thinks Debbie can and should be saved.

Speaking of his sister, Janice gives Sookie an awesome makeover, which I really hope is permanent (at least the hair). Sookie's makeover in the book was so pathetically lame, I was afraid we were heading into similar territory on the show when Janice showed up, but luckily I was wrong. Well done, hair and makeup department!

At Lupines, Sookie blends in nicely, only to be accosted by super skanky Debbie. When both Sookie and Alcide try to talk sense into her, she ignores them both. A moment later she's being carried onto a stage, where she's soon joined by Russell, Vampire King of Mississippi. He gives a rousing speech in German (I know the werewolf cult is supposed to be ancient, but they're definitely channelling the Nazis), followed by the ceremonial doling out of his blood. He then takes his leave so they can celebrate, which they do by downing the blood and branding Debbie. Then they all start shifting, including Alcide (apparently against his will). He growls at Sookie to run, but how far she'll get remains to be seen.

She's not the only one in trouble. Back in Bon Temps, things are getting weirder with Franklin and Tara. After glamouring her into telling him what she knows about Bill and Sookie, Tara tries to get away from Franklin (apparently she doesn't know about de-inviting). Of course he easily stops her, and now that she's not into it, he's happy to get all bitey. He then gags Tara and ties her on the toilet (very thoughtful) for the day. When he returns the next night it's with a bunch of flowers and a dopey, lovesick look on his face. Not that he isn't still scary. He then proceeds to kidnap Tara, taking her along with him to go see his employer--who turns out to be...Russell. That guy gets around. Along the way Franklin claims Tara is his and that she fulfills his emotional needs. But at Russell's mansion, he lets Talbot (Russell's vampire boyfriend) believe Tara is a gift for him.

Okay, so clearly Franklin's a bit on the psycho side. On the one hand, he's obviously a sick puppy; on the other hand, there's something sad and sympathy-inducing about him. I don't know if I'd still call him my new favourite vamp, but he is an intriguing character. And unlike Alcide, Franklin is definitely multi-dimensional. The sad thing is, I have the feeling Franklin will be gone by season's end, while Alcide will stay on. Isn't that always the way?

Anyway, since this is True Blood there's plenty of room for more than one psycho vampire, and Lorena is undisputed queen of the crazies. She seems to think her twisted tryst with Bill was wildly passionate, and she's thrilled that he's back in her life "for good." She just knows he'll love her again. Right. Despite telling Sookie otherwise, Bill still hates Lorena as much as ever, although it's difficult for him to get his message across when telling her doesn't make a difference and getting violent is perceived as romantic.

So, Bill does the next best thing. In return for his loyalty to the King, he tells Russell that he wants Lorena "gone." The King is amenable, so Bill starts proving his loyalty by informing him that Eric is selling V, and he believes it's at the Queen's behest. They then have a weird chat in which Bill theorizes that the Queen is selling V because the IRS is draining her fortune. How would he know that? It wouldn't be my first guess for a motive. And what is up with this whole IRS thing, anyway? Vampires (and their money) existed in secret for millennia--they can't figure out how to keep their money hidden?

In case you're feeling sorry for Eric being ratted out by Bill, he returns the favour. Getting a panicked call from Pam saying Fangtasia is being raided by the Magister, Eric ignores her pleas to save himself and stay away. Rushing back to the club, he heroically bursts in on the Magister as he's torturing Pam with silver. Eric takes responsibility--but not the blame; he claims he's been framed and that the blood wasn't sold on his orders. Pam suddenly bursts out that Bill Compton is behind it, and Eric concurs, saying he's been investigating Bill, who has recently disappeared. He claims he needs more time to finish his investigation, so the Magister gives him two days--or else Pam dies, permanent-like.

In less dramatic Bon Temps happenings:

Sam offers his newly found birth family a place to stay (that is, not in their van in his parking lot) until they get back on their feet. In exchange, Joe Lee has to stop drinking and Tommy has to stop stealing. It's not that Sam is suddenly feeling warm and fuzzy toward the Mickenses, but after some brotherly bonding with Tommy, he realizes he can help the kid avoid the same mistakes he made. How does that saying go? No good deed goes unpunished? Sam should prepare himself.

Sam also kills two birds with one stone (his lack of staff and Sookie's request for him to keep an eye on Jessica) by hiring Jessica as hostess at Merlotte's. Um, since when did Merlotte's have a hostess? Since when did any backwater bar have hostesses? The excuse for not making Jessica a waitress is just silly (you have to be 18 to serve alcohol in Louisiana). If people are willing to suspend disbelief enough to accept vampires and shapeshifters (among other things), maybe they can also accept Jessica as a waitress. In any case, we still get to hear Arlene whine about having to share tips. I really think screen time would have been better spent on other storylines.

But not this storyline. Lafayette is all enamoured of his new car, and apparently has no problem getting even more deeply involved with Eric as his prime V pusher. I have to say, I don't like this abrupt about-face of one of my favourite characters. Suddenly he's forgotten the torture Eric put him through (not to mention the post-traumatic stress that was plaguing him) and working together with his tormentor? All for the sake of a flashy car and extra spending money? No car is that nice. Not to mention that he suddenly seems less-than-concerned about his recently suicidal cousin. I suspect the writers are just trying to give him something to do this season, since he is such a popular character. But it feels forced. When it comes to Lafayette I'd much rather have quality than quantity. Especially with so much going on elsewhere (didn't I say this last time too?)

Oh, and Jason realizes he needs to do something with his life and so blackmails newly appointed Sheriff Andy, threatening to come clean about the lie over who killed Eggs, if Andy doesn't make him a cop (you know, without all those pesky forms and tests everyone has to fill out).

Back in Mississippi, the King is in a celebratory mood, so he takes Lorena and Bill to a strip club, sending Bill inside to procure them something "ethnic" for dinner. Conveniently he quickly finds just such a girl--and she's got no family and hates life! What vampire could ask for more? As Bill leads her back to the limo, he suddenly senses Sookie's fear as she runs from the weres at Lupines. There's no one holding him, nothing to keep him from taking off. But he ignores Sookie's distress and gets in the limo. Inside the vehicle, Lorena and Russell start biting the girl before Russell invites Bill to join them. He hesitates a moment and then dives in. As the girl screams, we see a pool of blood forming underneath the car. Cut to credits.

So, this might just be the most depressing True Blood episode so far. Some characters are in serious danger, others are turning out to be not what they seemed, and the bad guys look pretty smug. Where can it go from here? I don't know, but I have a hard time believing it'll be anyplace good.

Fang Files


Strengths: Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans. Apparently some vampires (Franklin) are so good at this they can control what the human says. Some vampires also have the ability to fly. Super strength, speed.

Weaknesses: Silver.

Mythology: A vampire needs an invitation to enter a private residence, but if that invitation is revoked, the vampire will be compelled to immediately leave. Once a human has consumed vampire blood, the vampire can then always sense and locate them. Vampire blood is a potent (and illegal) drug; humans and weres can become addicted.

Sound Bites

Bill: [to Sookie] I am death. I will bring you only suffering.

Eric: Take the deal.
Redneck: You'll have to kill me first.
Eric: No, I think I'll kill all your brother-cousins first.

Tara: This is kidnapping.
Franklin: This is opportunity.

True Blood, Season 3 Episode 4 "9 Crimes." Written by Kate Barnow and Elizabeth R. Finch. Directed by David Petrarca. From HBO.

14 July 2010

Moonlight S1 E5 "Arrested Development"

Spoilers Ahead

This episode of Moonlight is brought to you by Fate: bringing people together since time immemorial!

Did Mick really think he could keep avoiding Beth? Well, he might have but apparently the universe has other ideas. Much better ideas...

After ignoring her calls, Mick accidentally runs into Beth (and Josh) when he goes to pick up blood (she, ironically, just finished having bloodwork done). After a bit of awkwardness, Josh invites Mick to the party he and Beth are having the next night--for their one-year anniversary. Mick would go but, alas, he already has plans. Silly vampire thinks he's foiled fate and can go back to avoiding the girl he loves.

Fate, however, is not so easily subdued. Beth's boss sends her to report on the possible serial murder of an escort, while Mick is hired by a couple looking for their daughter--who recently turned up on the internet as an escort. Abandoning her anniversary party to head to the morgue while the window of opportunity is open (and upsetting Josh in the process), Beth runs into Mick again, this time when he brings his clients to the morgue to ID the body. Although the dead girl turns out not to be the daughter of Mick's clients (but was her close friend), Beth manages to convince Mick that they should work together to find the killer, who happens to be a vampire.

Beth's no stranger to fate herself. She points out to Mick that it's no mere coincidence that they keep running into each other. And even her relationship with Josh was, as her obnoxious friend Marissa reminds her, by Beth's own admission fated (they collided in a parking lot). Marisa is weirdly pushy about Beth getting serious with Josh (they've been together for a year and still aren't living together. Horrors!), so when Beth's phone suddenly rings, Marissa is quick to point out that fate (aka Josh) is calling and it's up to Beth to answer. Sorry, Marissa--the caller is Mick, not Josh.

There's some fine acting in "Arrested Development." When Beth calls the dead escort's clients in hopes of finding the killer, her reactions are completely natural and believable--exactly how you'd expect anyone to react in a similar situation (not that most people would ever be in a similar situation, but still...) And Alex O'Loughlin (Mick) is particularly skilled at subtle emotional expression. The coldness in his eyes contrasting with an otherwise impassive face as he's being reamed out by an FBI agent is great. And the way he looks confused even as he longingly leans forward after Beth kisses him... but that's not until later.

What Mick has already discerned, and what his clients' daughter finds out on her date with the killer, is that the vampire is a perpetual teenager, complete with cracking voice and acne (played by Wes Robinson, American Dreams). As if that wasn't bad enough, he's been a virgin for 197 years! No wonder he's feeling homicidal. Interestingly, when he suggests they hang out and go on some of the rides (they're on the boardwalk by the beach), suddenly the escort claims she doesn't have time for this. Hey, if I were getting paid $500 an hour to go on roller coasters, I wouldn't complain. I guess the killer teen agrees; he suddenly starts getting nasty.

Mick and Beth show up in time to save the girl. Mick tries to reason with the teen, I suppose the way hostage negotiators try to reason with human kidnappers. It doesn't go well. The fight scene that ensues, making good use of some of the boardwalk rides, is enjoyable. It's choreographed well to the background music too. And fate intervenes once more, saving Mick from an unpleasant death and handing it over to the teen instead. Maybe his life would have gone better if he'd found himself a similarly awkward teen girlfriend instead of going after hookers.

After arranging a reunion at Beth's office between his clients and their daughter, Mick tries to quietly slip away while Beth talks to her boss. Beth notices he's gone and goes after him, catching up with him in the parking lot (see--fate's still at it). She's hurt that he left without even saying goodbye. Seemingly at a loss over how to deal with her, Mick starts saying goodbye, only to be interrupted by a kiss. I really do love his reaction, and the way he can't quite pull away. Beth kisses him again and scampers off (leaving me with the distinct impression that a teenager does, in fact, continue to exist within everyone). Mick is still looking confused, and then he smiles.

Sometimes Fate just gets it right.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges, then ghostly white eyes, and elegant fangs. They also have sharp claws that extend at will.

Strengths: Enhanced hearing, sense of smell. Super speed, strength. Ability to jump to a great height.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, roller coasters, cockiness.

Mythology: Vampires aren't always recognizable as such, even by people who are familiar with them. Vampires and humans can have sex; it just doesn't usually end well. Vampires remain in the same condition (physical and apparently emotional) as when they were turned.

Sound Bites

Josef: Another casualty of the digital age. Now it's categories: blondes, Asians, busty, mature. Equestrian. Hm. Choice, choice, choice. It's very efficient. Very... American.
Mick: You sound almost nostalgic.
Josef: Whatever happened to the good old days of four girls on a street corner undercutting each other?

Mick: [responding to Beth's question about sex between vampires and humans] You want to know how it works? It doesn't. It doesn't work.
Beth: So it's impossible.
Mick: It's not impossible. It's inadvisable--it never ends well.
Beth: Never?

Teen Vamp: Have you ever loved someone completely? So that she was your whole world. You'd do anything she asked, anything at all. Have you ever loved someone that way? So you forgot about yourself and all you thought about was her.
Mick: [flashing back to Coraline] Yes.
Teen Vamp: See, I never have. [punches Mick]

Mick: [voiceover] What we want doesn't always matter. Then again, sometimes it's all that does.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 5 "Arrested Development." Written by Chip Johannessen. Directed by Michael Fields.

12 July 2010

The Gates S1 E2 "What Lies Beneath"


Spoilers Ahead










Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with small sharp fangs that occasionally descend.


Mythology: Apparently they do feel pain.

Sound Bites




10 July 2010

Trailer: Vampires Suck

Okay, so I'm not generally a fan of parody movies but watching the trailer for Vampires Suck had me giggling maniacally. This one looks like it could be a lot of fun, and if there's anything the vampire universe could use, it's more fun. Enjoy!

08 July 2010

True Blood Season 3 Episode 3 "It Hurts Me Too"

Spoilers Ahead




















Fang Files



Weaknesses: Fire, sunlight, silver.


Sound Bites


Franklin: No.
Tara: Why not?
Franklin: Because you want me to.

Jessica: ...Yeah.




07 July 2010

Moonlight S1 E4 "Fever"

Spoilers Ahead

Even if I weren't a vampire fan, I would like Moonlight. The writers obviously not only know and understand their characters, but they have a pretty good grasp on relationships and--dare I say it?--the nature of love. Yeah, I know--deep stuff for TV. Maybe that's why the show suffered an early cancellation; deep and subtle doesn't quite capture the ratings as well as shallow and over-the-top.

Not that Moonlight never indulges in a bit of excess; I mean this episode does feature a chase scene involving a helicopter and missiles. But more on that in a bit.

"Fever" starts with Mick in an ice-filled bathtub, looking wretched. Then, in a voiceover, he starts telling us how he got there (it seems the road to hell really is paved with good intentions). It's an intriguing start to the episode. I also have to give props for the excellent camera work; not only does it look good, but it reflects Mick's state rather nicely, I think.

The tale of how Mick ended up in a trashy motel's ice-filled bathtub starts two days beforehand. After the star witness in the murder trial of a known arms dealer ends up running for her life thanks to a leak in the police department, Mick hears from Beth for the first time since he told her the traumatic story of how he was turned (more here). But instead of getting some alone time with her, it turns out Beth was calling because her boyfriend, Deputy DA Josh, wants to hire Mick to help find said witness and bring her back safely in order to testify. Wacky fun ensues.

The scene involving the witness's safe house (and police guards) getting shot up is fairly impressive. It's brutal and frightening and surprising. I haven't seen a hitman that effective probably since Leon. Or maybe The Bride. Not bad for a minor television character with limited screen time.

Mick also makes an interesting point, which for some reason never occurred to me, and which I don't think I've seen brought up in other vampire venues, either. He claims that blood is life to both humans and vampires, but that vampires are jealous of humans because we can make our own. To me, his comment sheds new light on what a vampire is (at least in Moonlight's mythology), making them more tragic than monstrous. I find this take on vampires rather appealing.

The real story doesn't begin, however, until Mick and the witness (Leni) try to outrun the hitman who, thanks to the leak, has caught up with them outside LA, arriving in the guise of a local police officer. As Mick and Leni take off in the police car stolen by the hitman, a helicopter suddenly appears behind them. And then it starts firing off missiles. When I first saw this scene I had to roll my eyes. It just seemed so excessive and out of place in this show. But after thinking about it I decided it was fine. Hey, if the producers have the means to include a missile-firing helicopter in their show, why the hell shouldn't they go for it? In fact, every show should include such a thing at some point. Come on--wouldn't that make your television-viewing experience infinitely more fun? You know it would. And as Mick points out, Leni did piss off an arms dealer.

Anyway, after some quick thinking Mick gets himself and Leni out of harm's way while making the bad guys think they succeeded in killing them. The only problem is they're out of cellphone signal range, and the only way to get somewhere safe is by walking through the desert. The very sunny, very hot desert. As Mick puts it, he spent six weeks living in a trench in winter during the Battle of the Bulge and he'd thought that was hell. He was wrong.

When Beth finds out that Mick is "dead," her reaction is telling. Tears and recriminations don't usually follow the death of a mere friend, or someone you haven't known very long. But she's clearly shattered at the news. And when Leni finally gets a signal and calls Beth at Mick's behest, Beth can't get to the motel they've holed themselves up in fast enough. She's also unreservedly willing to let Mick feed on her once she realizes how badly he needs the blood. The average acquaintance probably wouldn't be so willing to risk their life to help someone capable of killing them without a second thought. But even after Mick argues against it and then, finally giving in, tells Beth that at some point she'll have to stop him, she isn't dissuaded. The scene of Mick feeding from Beth's wrist is kind of beautiful. The way they're holding on to each other, and the pained look in Beth's eyes (which doesn't seem to be stemming from physical pain) really is touching. And this, my friends, is why women swoon over vampires.

I also noticed that when Mick was arguing with Beth over taking her blood, his comment was "Not yours--not like this." Which instantly made me think "like how, then?" Did Mick have a vision in his mind of how he might one day get intimately acquainted with Beth? Despite his protests that they're not meant to be together, it seems some part of him still believes they are. Fantasy is the refuge of the unrequited lover. Only, in this case, there's definitely some requiting involved.

After the bad guy is dispatched (in a Shining-esque moment) and the day is saved, Beth returns to life with Josh. And while things seem fine on the surface, Beth is clearly conflicted, which is confirmed when she heads over to Mick's place. He either senses or hears that she's there and approaches the door. As she knocks, he watches her on the video monitor. Then, as they each rest against opposite sides of the door, Mick's voiceover lets us know that he's decided she can't be near him anymore because it puts her in danger. I so wanted him to open that door, but instead Beth turns and walks away and then he follows suit.

The more I think about it, the more I think this might be the best human-vampire relationship ever portrayed. There seems to be real emotion between them, but also valid reluctance. There's also none of those creepy 'centuries-old vampire obsessed with teenaged girl' overtones (hey, I love Buffy, but I can't help being a little grossed out by the Slayer's relationship with Angel). I love the tension between Mick and Beth, and the slow pacing of the way it's being played out. This is why I'd be into this show even if Mick was as human as anyone.

I have no idea where the next episode is going to take us, but I can't wait to find out. Here's to subtlety, with just enough excess thrown in to make it fun.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then ghostly white eyes and elegant fangs. A sun-sickened vampire's eyes will turn yellow (the whites, not the irises).

Strengths: Heightened sense of smell and hearing. Ability to easily jump from heights. Super strength. Fast healing.

Weaknesses: Sunlight: the longer a vampire is in the sun, the sicker he gets. Eventually, if there's a source of blood nearby, survival instincts kick in and the vampire won't be able to stop himself from feeding.

Sound Bites

Mick: What would you do if the one thing you need to save your life is the one thing that would make life unbearable?

Mick: Some couples just aren't meant to be together. Take me and Beth; she has a very real boyfriend and, well, after Coraline I understandably have trust issues. Still, when I see it's Beth calling I always pick up.

Beth: So, how long can you stay outside? Like how much sun is too much?
Mick: Any is too much.
Beth: You're a delicate flower, Mick St. John.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 4 "Fever." Written by Jill Blotevogel. Directed by Fred Toye. From CBS/The CW.

05 July 2010

Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris

I can't believe it's been an entire week since I last posted. Unfortunately the day job required all my attention these past few days. But have no fear--I'll be catching up now. Keep an eye out for posts on Moonlight, The Gates, and, of course, True Blood. But first...

Spoilers Ahead

So Living Dead in Dallas is where True Blood and the Sookie Stackhouse books start diverging (although not quite as much as I expected). You'll recognize the characters and even some of the storylines, but unfortunately the books are a pale imitation of the show. Really unfortunate, in fact, since the books came first! Is it just me or have movies and TV shows become better than the books in the last few years? And as a lifelong reading addict, that's saying something coming from me. But I digress.

Living Dead in Dallas bears a passing resemblance to Season 2 of True Blood. There's a trip to Dallas to look for a missing vampire, a crazy vampire-hating "church," and a maenad. But the differences between the two are almost entirely in favour of the show. I think the books are really only for the hardcore Sookie and Eric fans. Everyone else will just be disappointed.

After going on a bender, Andy Bellefleur's car remains in the Merlotte's parking lot all night. The next morning when Sookie shows up for work she discovers a body in the car. The good: there's much less silly screaming in the book than there is in the show. The bad: the body belongs to Lafayette. At least he lives on in the show. The murder sets Sookie reluctantly off on a hunt for the real killer (until then, Andy is the main suspect).

But before she can deal with that, Sookie is obligated to go to Dallas (she's "rented out" by Eric to the Dallas vamps who need her telepathic abilities) to look for a missing vampire (not Godric, although he does make a disturbing appearance). There's also a sub-plot about the maenad.

I have a few problems with the book--mainly that it's dull. Harris tends to go on about the most tedious, irrelevant details (often involving the tragic clothing everyone seems to wear). There's too much exposition, particularly in the dialogue (show, don't tell!) And just when things look like they're starting to get interesting... they're resolved... in the laziest manner imaginable. I know people love, love, love Charlaine Harris's work, but this is a woman who has no concept of building tension (except possibly between Sookie and Eric). We all know Sookie won't be killed off, but at least make us believe she's in real danger. And you know when an orgy scene makes you yawn, there's something wrong with the writing. Never mind that the most fantastic creatures (vampires, weres, telepaths, shifters...) are consistently put into completely mundane situations. Why?

There also seems to be a fair amount of racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance, and vampire-phobia in the books that is taken for granted. In the show it's at least questioned, if not portrayed as outright negative. In the books, for the most part, it just is. I have no doubt this is a reflection of the way things are in the South, but it further puts me off the books. As does Sookie herself; there's only so many fake grins, self-righteousness, and plain ignorance I can put up with in a character before I start actively despising them. Constantly telling us how hot and smart and "well-read" she is doesn't make up for it. The utter lack of character development doesn't help, either (learning to use a pay phone does not count).

I also really need to start compiling a list of cheesy sex-euphemisms from romance novels. My favourite this time: "We reached the end of the tunnel." *Snort* By the way, why do silly euphemisms need to be used for body parts ("manhood") but the phrase "ball a vampire" is okay? Who makes up these rules?

And it wouldn't be one of my reviews without a mention of the editing, which is just as bad this time as it was in the last book. Check out page 119 for the amazing gender-switching cop and reporter! Also, you'd think somebody would have caught that someone named "Chow" would not be part of the Yakuza (one is Japanese, one isn't--or maybe it's just reflective of the racism I already mentioned; what's the difference--it's all Asian, right?)

But I think the biggest reason I'm starting to really dislike the Sookie Stackhouse books is that Charlaine Harris clearly has no love for vampires or the people who are into them. I believe I already touched on some of the anti-vampire sentiments in my review of the last book. The generally negative outlook toward vampires continues here, as well as some newly expressed derision toward people obsessed with vampires, who apparently are "pathetic" (pg 86). Oh really? If Harris doesn't like vampires, or the people who do, why is she writing these books? Quite frankly, I'd rather give my money to authors (and moviemakers, musicians, artists...) who actually have love for what they're creating. If they don't even believe in what they're doing, why should we?

My instant adoration of the show left me eager to read the books on which it's based. Unfortunately, they're turning out to be a huge disappointment (not to mention, on occasion, downright insulting). In a perfect world, books wouldn't get published unless they were actually worth reading. In this world, you can at least save your money for something more worthwhile.

Fangs Files

Appearance: Pale humans with glistening white fangs that descend or retract at will (particularly when vampires are excited). A vampire who's recently fed looks pinker. Some vampires have glowing eyes. Vampires cry bloody tears.

Strengths: Super strength, speed. Some vampires can communicate telepathically with other vampires. Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans. There is a connection between vampires and humans who have consumed their blood.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, garlic, the need to sleep in coffins even in windowless rooms.

Mythology: In the books, vampires have "equal rights" (mainly because Congress figured out they could make them pay taxes if that was the case), but they still can't legally be married. Synthetic blood in the books is called "True Blood." Vampires won't allow themselves to be examined by doctors, and they won't let themselves be pressed into military service; in exchange all vampire doctors and nurses were asked to retire. No one (except the vampires) really knows what causes vampirism: the theory this time around is an extreme multiple-allergic reaction. Some vampires are "renouncers"--self-haters who team up with radical humans who help them commit suicide while making a point about how evil they are.

There are also rogue vampires. They never wanted to come out of the coffin, refuse to drink synthetic blood, and want to return to secrecy and invisibility. They're willing to openly slaughter humans, simply to force vampires back into hiding.

Text Bites

"Portia ain't as tough as everyone thinks she is," Terry told me [Sookie]. "You, on the other hand, are a sweet little eclair on the outside and a pit bull on the inside."

Sookie: What's on the agenda for tonight? Business or pleasure?
Bill: Being with you is always a pleasure.


Living Dead in Dallas by Charlaine Harris. From Penguin (Ace Books).