gocontinuehappenpassproceedcome upcomecarry oncome onawaymovebekeepgo alongtake place


….but I went to the gas station today.

How long must this go on?



The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes ...

Two idiots go on a fishing trip



My wife wanted to go on vacation, but I wanted a staycation...

... so we compromised and had an altercation

2 wives go on a girls night out




"No more g...

A photon decides to go on a day trip to Vegas.

When they went to board their plane, the flight attendant said "I'm sorry, did you forget your carry-on?"

"No," said the photon, "I'm traveling light".

A guy and a girl go on a first date.


If Locksmiths go on strike.....


Do they refuse to picket?

What was the name of that Pixar movie where a non-human duo is forced to go on an adventure after the Status Quo gets threatened?

Google: "Could you be more specific?"

Why do the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round never go on holiday together?

Because they travel on different planes!

My partner had a go at me because at night, unaware, I go on about Hobbits, Rings and Orcs.

They think I'm Tolkien in my sleep.

Why did Ben Shapiro go on a diet?

To destroy the lbs.

Where do vegetables go on vacation?

Anywhere with wheelchair accessibility.

Two cannibals go on a dinner date

The drinks are good, the conversation is great.

When the waiter comes to the table one says to the other, "I don't know about you, but I'm having a ball."

"All the women that want to go on a date with me are such robots," I told my brother.

"You're wrong," he said, "all the women that want to go on a date with you are the opposite of robots."

"What? How?"

"One's artificial intelligence and the other is genuine stupidity."

I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run

If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Where do nuclear scientists go on their holidays

They go Fission...

Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He needed some arrr and arrr.

What's a pirates favorite sock?


What's a pirate's favorite shooting sport?


What's a pirate's favorite letter?


Why doesn’t Chuck Norris go on dates?

Nobody can take him out.



Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.


Watson replied, "...



Every time I go on holiday, my girlfriend gets pregnant.

In future I'm going to take her with me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔





Two Irish priests decided to go on a vacation to Barcelona.

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store

The next morning they went to the beach...

For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.

Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men go on a long expedition into the mountains

Both of them happen to be smokers and while one was prepared and brought extra cartons, the other guy had only brought just one. Not long into their journey the second guy has ran out and starts pestering the first guy for a pack of cigarettes, but the first guy isn't budging, he brought just enough...

A father’s three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates

The first daughter said, “I’m going out with Joe, and we’re gonna see a show”

The father said, “A fine fella! Have fun my dear”

The second daughter said, “I’m going out with Pete, and we’re gonna grab a bite to eat”

“Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear”

The third daughter ...

Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He felt like he needed some argh and argh

Why did the cow go on holiday?

Because it had a wee calf!

My doctor said that I should go on antipsychotics,

But my imaginary friend told me not to.

God Wants To Go On Vacation

"Hmm, How about Venus?" An angel says

"No! It's way too hot there I need some place better" says God.

The angels face than lights up when he says "I've got it! How about you go down to Earth?"

God than chuckles and says "Are you kidding? Im not going down there. 2000 years ago...

Why can't Quentin Tarantino go on an airplane?

Because the pilot mentions "30,000 feet" and he goes absolutely crazy.

Why can’t orphans go on a field trips?

They need a parents signature.

Why did nobody go on a date with Avogadro?

Because his number was too long

Why did the kid with the rash not go on a vacation?

His dermatologist told him to apply the medication locally.

Politicians go on a vacation

Politicians go on a vacation by bus.
The bus driver gets distracted by the beautiful scenery and drives off a cliff next to a farm.

The following day the police question the farmer:

\- Did you not find any victims?
\- Actually, I did.
\- And where are they?
\- Well,...



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Three couples go on a camping trip.

On their last day, the men decide they want to go explore a cave, while the women choose to hang out at the campsite.

After a while of exploring the cave, it forked into 3 different paths. The men agree to all follow one path and meet up in an hour to tell the others what they had found.

A man and his wife go on a vacation

Days pass until unfortunately, the wife dies.

At the funeral parlor, the undertaker approaches the man and after offering his condolences, says

'We have a wide range of services. We can bury your wife in a coffin like Christians, we can have a cremation like indians, mummification ...

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A Man wants to go on a fishing trip with his wife and dog, but his wife doesn’t want to go. He says you can either go on the trip, suck my dick, or take it in the butt. She doesn’t want to do any but decides to give him a BJ.

“This tastes like shit!” She says “Yeah, the dog didn’t want to go either.”

Why did the Nabisco employees go on strike?

Because the factories were crumby.

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Two wives go on a girl’s night out and they have to stop to take a dump on the way home.

All the shops and restaurants are closed and there’s nowhere they can go in their busy city. The only bit of grassland they can find nearby is the local church cemetery.

After they’ve both gone in the corner of the cemetery, they realise they have nothing to wipe with. One uses her pantie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔




I wanted to go on a diet...

But I just have way too much on my plate right now...

Where do cows go on weekends??

To the ....


After a long, unlucky life, a woman saved up enough money to go on her dream vacation: backpacking around Europe.

One night she got back to her hostel late. Quietly, she snuck into the big communal bedroom and made her way to her bunk. She prepared for bed as she did every night; she sat and gently removed her prosthetic leg. Setting it aside she massaged the stump; it was sore from so much walking. She pulled ...






[OC] Justin Bieber wanted to go on vacation and not be recognised by anyone, so he totally changed his look. He even legally changed his name:

Justin Case.

As a comedian, I see no reason to go on stage

They’re just gonna laugh at me.

I asked a blind girl If she'd go on a date with me

She said "Let me see"

What do soldiers that go on foreign brothels get?


3 turtles named Joe, Jeff, and Jimmy decide to go on a picnic

They pack, chips, sandwiches, and soda, and start to walk to their picnic area. The spot is 5 miles away, and it takes the turtles 10 full days to get there. Once they get there, they realize that they had left the bottle opener, and thus could not open the sodas. They nominate Jimmy to walk back an...

Two parents go on a date night and leave their son at home whom seemed to love fire.

When they returned, the house was covered in flames. The parents rushed to the police and fire fighters and asked “Where’s arson?!”

When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said, "Don't forget to write."

I thought, "That's unlikely. It's a basic skill afterall!"

4 people go on vacation together.




After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he ...

Two atoms go on a date...when suddenly, one of them drops an electron and gasps. The other atom asks...are you sure?

I'm positive! Replies the other atom.

I'm really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

my wife is too selfish to notice. She's always crying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends decide to go on their honeymoon together...

One evening while the women are in their own rooms, the men drinking at the pub below their lodge,

Rob: I bet a 100 dollars I can fuck way more than you ever could in a night.

Dan: I don’t think so! I would like to compare numbers tomorrow morning at breakfast!

Rob: you know how...



The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream ...

Three men go on a hunting trip in the woods...

They gather around the fire at dusk. They eat and drink and tell stories. Then slowly the fire goes down, and they finish their drinks. The men have no more stories to tell, and boredom starts to take over.

"ENOUGH!" Says the first man, standing up. "We should do something! I bet the two of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to

One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says.
His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed.
His friends thanks him,...

Five years ago I asked the girl of my dreams to go on a date with me. Today, I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times.

A boy is about to go on his first date, is worried about keeping the conversation flowing, and asks his older brother's advice

His older brother tells him to remember the 3 F's: Family, Food, and Filosophy; and to start ask questions about them.

On their date, there is a lull in the conversation and the boy decides to heed his brother's advice. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"

"No," the girl replies.




4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.


You don't need a parachute to go on skydiving

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

2020 was the first year I didn't go on any trip due to COVID. Hopefully in 2021..

I would not be able to go on a trip just because I have no money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t black people ever go on cruises?

They’re not falling for that one again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔



An Englishman and a Laotian go on a business trip together

The Englishman stops by the hotel room of his co-worker and mentions "The pillows here at the hotel are terrible. They are too big and fluffy and my neck really hurts this morning."

The Laotian says "I noticed, so I made my own pillow by getting feathers from the birds on the roof. Here try...

Why doesn't ganondorf go on the internet?

Because there's too many links...

A cute girl at work said she'd only go on a date with me on a day that doesn't end in 'Y'

I said "Great! I'll pick you up tomorrow!"

How do you get someone with a foot fetish to go on a date with you?

You put your best foot forward!

Where do border patrol officers go on vacation?


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Two women go on a night out...


A man and his wife go on holiday and find a hotel for the night

When they find one, the manager says they're welcome to stay there but it costs £100 each for the night.

That's a bit outside their budget so they politely turn it down and ask if there's anywhere cheaper in the area.

The manager says "Yes, in fact there is a hotel just up the road and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king is about to go on a journey...

...and he gathers his knights. He informs them that he is leaving seven men to guard his queen. He tells these seven knights Ive given my queen a chastity belt. When I return the man who didnt try to sleep with her will be my trusted general and advisor. Upon the kings return he gathers the seven an...

Why didn't the astronaut go on holiday to the binary solar system?

It was two sunny.

An Italian young lady is about to go on a walk with her beau when he grandmother warns her...

She tells her granddaugter this:

He will try to kiss you, but you shouldn't let him, even if it feels nice, for it will dishonor you.

He will try to move his hands under your blouse or skirt, you may like it, but you must not let him do it, for it will greatly dishonor you.


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Where does a herb garden go on holiday?


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Guy says to a Blonde girl, I bet I can guess when you were born just by fondling your tits, no way says the Blonde, go on then, so 20 minutes later the Blonde says OK when was I born?

Guy says: Yesterday.

TIL Out of boredom and to create more band chemistry early in their careers, the Ramones used to go on single's cruises together around New York harbour looking to pick up chicks.

They wanted to be sea dated.

If we go on a date we’re getting appetizers

because that’s what my hors d’serve

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A plane emergency landed in the water, no one is willing to go on the life boat

The flight attendant then asks the captain what to do. The captain replied,

Tell the Americans that it is an "adventure"

Tell the English that it is a "honour"

Tell the French that it is "romantic"

Tell the German that it is "law"

Tell the Japanese that it is an "o...

This is the first time I can't go on vacation around the world because of the pandemic.

Usually it's because I just can't afford it.

Right now is a great time to go on a cruise

You buy one week and get two for free.

Did the woman go on a date with the mushroom?

Of course.. After all, he is a Fungi

Why does the Grim Reaper go on so many dates?

He’s deathperate

Three tortoises go on a picnic...


When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Les Give me the bottle open...

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip


After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store cl...

My friend invited me to go on a bus tour with him and told me there was a small fee.

Unfortunately, I left my wallet at home. I couldn't be upset. After all, he gave me fare warning.

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

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A man and his wife go on a date to a new restaurant...

They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. "Whoops" he says and turns to the waiter "I'm terribly sorry but could I have another..." the waiter whips a fresh spoon out of his top ...

A jewelry store owner and his two employees go on lunch break together

At the restaurant they find a lamp on the booth seat.

The owner rubs it and a genie appears; "Ye who have summoned me, I will grant three wishes. Since there's three of you here, you each get one wish."

The first employee says "I wish I was riding a jetski by a tropical beach crowded ...

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So the E...

A French, English, and American man go on a vacation together in the Amazon.

Will they’re on their trip, they’re hunted down and trapped by some scary natives. The men are scared and ask “Why are you doing this?”. The native chief responds, “ I plan on skinning you all and using your skin for cups!” The trapped men make a request to at least choose how they die. The chief li...


Aisle weight.

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

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Two blondes go on vacation and rent

a boat for the day to go fishing. They lower the anchor and start fishing on the lake. After a really successful days' fishing, one blonde says "We should come back to this same place tomorrow," and so she takes out a marker and draws an "X" in the bottom of the boat. "This will help us find the loc...

President Trump should go on Sesame Street to explain his actions.

It’s important in times of crisis to hold politicians to account

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A statistician, a physicist, and an engineer go on a hunting trip (better ending)


The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, but misses the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes and says "you forgot to acc...

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?


It's hard to go on a date with a librarian

They're always booked
