UC: The Lurker War


Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
A little teaser to start things off...

Prologue: In the Dark, Waiting to Come Out….

Several months had passed since the vast majority of the UC residents were banished from the Castle, due to a failed coup lead by Moonmaster and Planet-Man. The mass

exiles lead to a gang of dirty underground dwellers calling themselves the Lurkers emerging from the underground caverns beneath the Castle. Lead by a mysterious individual

known only as Scarecrow, the Lurkers attempted to take the place of the exiled UCers.

The Lurkers were thwarted however, when the exiles returned. Scarecrow lead a brief struggle for power but ultimately failed to take the place of the UCers, or ‘Upworlders’ as

he referred to them. The next few days saw the UCers determine many differing views on how to deal with the Lurkers. Some, like Hellsbuttmonkey, saw the only way was to

round the Lurkers up and force them into camps, where their movements and numbers were controlled. Others, like McCheese, began to adopt the underground dwellers as pets

and servants. However, the ‘Lurker Problem’ faded as quickly as it had started when the unkempt, smelly beings eventually faded away, scurrying back into their dank caverns

underneath the UC Castle. The UCers returned to their usual existence of debauchery, chaos and laughing at Watcher trying to punch trucks.

However, the denizens of the dark were not that easy to defeat…..
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Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
Re: UC: The Lurker Wars

Chapter One: Lord of the Clans

Before the first uprising, the Lurker community was very different to what existed now. The Lurker nation was fractured into clans, each led by one powerful Lurker Chief. There

were three main clans. The strongest and most ferocious warriors were led by the mighty Birdynumnums of the clan Numnum. Birdy was a vicious psychopath, more than willing

to kill his own men if they stood in his way. Mr Andrews and the clan Wikia led an altogether different path. They were chroniclers of the ancient history of the Lurker race and

only the Wikians knew of the secrets and treasures that the caves of their ancestors held. Only their frail, weak bodies stopped them from achieving total power. The final clan

was the clan Umbra, led by the shadowy and devious Real Joe Kaliki. Umbra were a covert, secretive group. Information was their business. This was all to change when a

mysterious traveller would arrive from the far reaches of the Lurker domain. A traveller named Scarecrow.

The bizarre appearance of Scarecrow hid a dark, potent power. He walked oddly, as if he were actually filled with straw. His clothes were torn and tattered and he wore a wide

brimmed hat that he kept tilted, so it covered his face. However, those that dared look closer at this freakish entity, those that looked him directly in the eye would come to

regret that very action. His eyes were pitch black and flecked with silver specks that constantly shifted. It came to be said by other Lurkers that to stare into his eyes was to

lose your own soul to him. Some told stories of how he could control minds; others said he was gifted with the power of persuasion. Whatever dark force existed behind those

eyes, it was clear he was different to other Lurkers the moment he walked into the shanty town controlled by the Numnum and declared himself their saviour and new master.

As soon as word of this upstart reached Birdynumnums, the clan chief stormed out to put down the interloper. The moment heir eyes met, however, Birdy fell to his feet and

declared that the clan Numnum would follow Scarecrow to hell and back. Scarecrow smiled, and in his strange rattling voice whispered, “No, where you will follow is much closer

than Hell...”

It was as soon as he had gained control of the clan Numnums that Scarecrow led the first incursion into the Upworld. His arrival was timed perfectly with the Great Exile,

leaving the lands of the UC ripe for the takeover. Gaining the trust of the Upworlders, he studied them and looked for weaknesses. It was only when the Exiles returned that

Scarecrows plans were thrown out of balance. He continued for some time living among the Upworlders but when certain members began to distrust and eventually persecute

the Lurkers, he ordered his remaining troops to vanish once again into the Lurker caves.

Scarecrow had lost this battle, but the war for the Upworld was far from over. He used his mysterious abilities to sway the other clans into following his rule and, using the

knowledge of Mr Andrews and his clan, discovered legends of an ancient temple, buried deep in ground below the Lurker lands. A temple that worshipped a god long forgotten

by all except the clan Wikia and the Lurker priests who exiled themselves long ago to defend the temple from others who would attempt to harness the dark power of

(unregistered user), the Lurker God of Chaos….


Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
Re: UC: The Lurker Wars

Chapter Two: Fear of the Dark

Everyone was in the main lounge of the UC Castle when Ice made his way downstairs. Doom was helping Houde set up his takeaway Chilli Dog Shack Cart in the corner of the

room, Zombipanda and Goodwill were discussing the latest issue of USM and ProjectX2 and TOG were discussing how Watcher would fare in one on one combat with Optimus

Prime considering his history with trucks.

“Where’s E?” said Ice.

“The new USM had mask squinting in. While Peter wasn’t even wearing the mask.” muttered Goodwill. “He locked himself in his room saying he was going to close the castle and

burn all his comics.”

Ice headed for the stairs to go to E’s room. He was stopped dead in his tracks though as the castle began shaking violently. More UC residents rushed into the lounge to see

what was happening, as the bookshelves were thrown across the room, along with Houde’s cart which ended up on top of Doom.

“What the hell is going on?” shouted TOG. “Did Buttmonkey fart again?”

“Wasn’t me...” yelled Hellsbuttmonkey, as he made his way into the room. “It looks like something is happening outside the castle!”

Everyone rushed outside to see the grounds outside the castle cracking and heaving, as if ready to burst. Suddenly the earth gave way and exploded, showering the assembled

group with dirt and stones. With that, the earthquake stopped. Directly in front of the castle a pit had formed, plunging deep into the earth below. Iceshadow moved to the

edge and looked down. He picked up a small rock and tossed it into the hole.

“How deep is it?” said Doom.

“I can’t see the bottom,” said Iceshadow, “Someone go and grab Langsta. We can throw him down and see how long it takes for him to scream, or stop, as the case may be.”

“What’s that sound?” said TOG.

“I can’t hear anything,” Iceshadow said as he turned to TOG. “You hearing things again?”

Iceshadow was cut short by an inhuman roar from the pit. Dark figures burst out of the hole, snarling and growling.

“LURKERS!” the group yelled at once.

A huge monstrosity, obviously the leader of the bestial pack, stepped forward. Its body was covered in matted, dirty feathers that looked like they had been pulled from an old

cushion and its face was partially covered by what seemed to be a crude beak made from cardboard. The other Lurkers chanted, quietly at first, but getting louder.

“Birdynumnums… Birdynumnums… Birdynumnums…”

Birdynumnums tilted his head back and roared, the same monstrous sound they heard from the pit.

“Bring me your greatest warrior. I will crush him.” snarled Birdy.

Everyone’s eyes focussed on Doom.

Doom took off his jacket. “Ok beaky, guess that’s me.”

The two warriors stood face to face, matching each other in size and intensity. The UCers and Lurkers formed a ring around the two men. A random woman in a bikini walked

past and rang a bell, signifying the fight to begin. Birdy struck first, driving his fist into Doom’s stomach. Doom stumbled, but recovered quickly and blocked another crushing

blow to his chest, following up with a powerful punch to the face, knocking the cardboard beak from Birdy’s face. The din of the spectators rose, each side screaming for the

blood of the opposition’s champion. Doom dropped back and followed up his punch with a roundhouse kick that dropped Birdy to his knees.

“Had enough Polly?” gloated Doom.

“Please... have mercy…” whispered Birdy.

As Birdy stopped speaking, the Lurkers dived upon the UCers, lusting for blood. Distracted, Doom turned to see the fight.

“Never turn your back on a Lurker…” growled Birdy as he threw dirt in Doom’s face. Doom fell backwards and Birdy leapt at him, driving him to the floor. Birdy drove his talon-like

fingers towards Doom’s face.

“Let’s see what those pretty eyes taste like…”


Sep 15, 2004
Re: UC: The Lurker Wars

ProjectX2 and TOG were discussing how Watcher would fare in one on one combat with Optimus Prime considering his history with trucks.



Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
Chapter Three: Of Gods and Monsters

Deep in the Lurker caverns, Scarecrow poured over dark tomes supplied by the Wikia clan related to the Black Temple and the dark entity those who dwelled within venerated.

(unregistered user) was the Lurker god of Chaos, a powerful being who fed on the disarray those who worshipped it spread. The Black Temple was cut off from the main Lurker

kingdoms centuries ago during a war between the followers of (unregistered user) and others who strove to bring a new age to the Lurker race, an age of peace, where they

would shrug off their dark origins and embrace a more shamanistic culture. The war raged for years, and culminated in a battle at the gates of the Black Temple. Both sides

were devastated in the slaughter but the battle was finally ended when the leader of the shamans unleashed a potent spell that caused a huge landslide, burying the entrance

to the Black Temple. Many followers of (unregistered user) were sealed within the Black Temple and those who escaped vanished, never to be heard from again. It was believed

that as they fled deeper into the underworld, they were either eaten by one of the other beasts that lived in the wilds such as the vicious pr0n-bots, or captured by lumberjack

vigilantes loyal to the religious fanatic Mavericker. Without influence of the followers of (unregistered user), the Lurker race divided into the clans that existed through to the

present and existed in relative seclusion. Contained within the pages of one of the tomes there lay a map to the supposed location of the Black Temple gates.

As soon as his eyes passed over the map, Scarecrow rose from his seat.

“Pearl!” he commanded, “Prepare a raiding party. Ensure mining equipment is issued to the men as well.”

A ragged, hunched Lurker entered the room. “Mining equipment?” questioned Pearl.

“Yes.” smiled Scarecrow. “We have a god to awaken…”

Several hours later, Scarecrow and his party arrived at the spot that was said to hide the gates to the Black Temple. Pressing his hand against the rocks, he closed his eyes

and stood in silence. He could almost feel the energies of the Temple reaching out to him, squeezing through the cracks in the rock and washing over him like a tide of dark

power. He removed his hand from the barrier and stood back.

“Tear it down.” He whispered.
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Well-Known Member
Oct 2, 2007
I totally post here every day. This story has ruined my reputation.

*logs off*


Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
Chapter Four: From Beneath You, It Devours…

Doom was trapped. The immense bulk of Birdynumnums pinned him in place firmly. He could hardly breathe as the drooling psychopath moved towards his face, dragging his

talons across his cheek and towards his eyes. He could feel a burning sensation on his cheek and taste the metallic flavour of his own blood on his lips.

This is it, thought Doom. Always thought I would die of an STD or at the hands of a jealous boyfriend eventually, not some giant fat bird-man…

Suddenly Birdy was knocked reeling away from Doom. The sun glaring in his eyes, Doom squinted to make out the face of his own personal saviour.

“Vanilla Bear!” Doom shouted.

“Who did you think it would be? Loeb?” said Houde, standing over Doom. In his hand he grasped a large iron skillet, which seemed to be caked in blood and feathers.

Houde helped Doom to his feet as they turned to face the battle at hand.

In another part of the grounds, Iceshadow and Gemini were trapped with their backs to a wall, as a pack of slavering Lurkers surrounded them.

“I really have no idea what’s going on…” muttered Gemini, as they edged closer to the wall.

“Just get ready.” said Iceshadow.

“Ready? Ready for what?” shouted Gemini.

Iceshadow charged at the pack, knocking two of the brutes to their feet.

“Oh. That.” said Gemini to himself as he joined his comrade, lashing out at the nearest Lurker.

McCheese smashed a rock into the face of the Lurker nearest to him and turned towards the Castle in time to see several Lurkers sneak through the doorway. He turned to

give chase only to be ambushed from behind.

“They’re getting to the Castle!” He yelled as he smashed into the floor, Lurkers piling on top of him.

Mole heard the warning and made a break for the door.

“Mole!” yelled Buttmonkey, diving for the nearest Lurker to Mole. “I’ll cover you. Stop them!”

Mole entered the Castle. Looking quickly around, he saw a Lurker dashing up the stairwell to the left of him and he immediately gave chase. As he reached the top of the stairs,

the Lurker leapt from the shadows, driving him to the floor. Kicking it off of him, Mole slammed the filthy beast into a wall, following up with a powerful punch to the face,

knocking out the beast.

“That all you got?!” he shouted triumphantly.

Through the most distant doorway, two more Lurkers stepped into the light. One carried two bodies over its broad shoulders. The other charged Mole instantly slamming the

UCer violently into the wall. As the darkness clouded his vision, Mole briefly caught a glimpse of the bodies carried by the other Lurker.

Outside, the battle raged on. Suddenly a piercing scream rang out across the grounds. The Lurkers immediately broke combat and ran for the pit, diving headfirst into the dank

caverns below. The UCers stood in silence for a second, unsure of what had happened. Then finally the conclusion the battle had ended sunk into their minds.

“What the hell just happened?” growled Proj. “We were getting our asses kicked and then they all run?”

“At least we have time to rest now.” said Ice. “Is everyone still here?”

“Looks like it.”

Suddenly a weak Mole stumbles through the doorway to the castle.

“Not everyone.” he said. “They got E and Seldes.”
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Well-Known Member
Jun 30, 2005
South Wales, UK
Where am i in these stories btw?

Give it time... there are more people to introduce yet youngling.


You were (SPOILER ALERT!) killed in the upcoming prequel.

UC: Countdown to War

There will also be a companion story to run alongside the main title, The Lurker War: Front Line and solo miniseries focussing on every single character. Planned titles so far are

Scarecrow: From The Shadows
Birdynumnums: Ruffling Feathers
Pearl: Delusions of Grandeur
The Real Joe Kaliki: Would The Real Joe Kaliki Please Stand Up?
Venom Melendez: It's All Your Fault.

Grocer Man

Well-Known Member
Aug 24, 2006
a house
Very nice, I liked the Doom/Houde scene.

I'm guessing my counterpart is the Machilevian mastermind controlling everything behind the scenes.

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