Tagged: cisgender

Is It Okay For Cis People To Use Trans Language?

Overlap. Lots of overlap. Source.

Commenting on a recent post, silencecanbeviolence asked an interesting question:










What do you think?

Thanks to Alma for a great conversation that shaped this post.

On Unsupportive Partners












What Does It Mean To Be Transgender?

Thanks to Ieshia for my first reader question! Ieshia asks what it means to be transgender. I think that this is really more about what it means to have a gender at all. Ieshia writes,

I never understood what being transgender actually means and it’s my own fault because I have not tried hard enough to learn. […] I recently saw this comment under a male v. female brain article and it seemed to help more than anything I have learned, is this true though,

“Transgenderism as a phenomenon does not seem to correlate with societal notions of gender performance. In other words, for most transgender people experiencing body dysphoria (or, indeed, dysmorphia) the condition is a physical one: Their brain expects a certain anatomy. It does not seem to be a question of looking or acting a specific way.

An example of this is the fact that trans-men (men born with biologically female bodies) experience a ‘phantom penis’ in a large number of instances — they have the experience of their brain expecting a penis to be there, but not finding one, which any male-bodied man should appreciate would be cause for distress.

So, in summary, transgenderism is orthogonal to gender performance, even if many transgender individuals find it a relief to bring their social, performed gender in line with their expected gender.” […]

[Edited for length. Ieshia’s comment here. Unable to locate the comment she quotes.]

Great question! The short answer is, yes, but it’s a bit more complicated than that. One’s internal sense of being male, female or otherwise is separate from one’s outward expression of masculinity, femininity or androgyny. Many transgender people experience dysphoria–the pain caused from a mismatch between a person’s physical sex and subconscious sex. At the same time, “transgender” is an umbrella term, and there is a lot of diversity in transgender experiences.

The better we understand how gender really works, the better we can understand why some people are trans. The best model for gender I have seen is the intrinsic inclinations model, created by Julia Serano, who among other things is a feminist activist, biologist and transsexual woman. She describes the model in her book Whipping Girl, a must-read for anyone learning about trans issues.

Serano suggests we think of subconscious sex (AKA gender identity), gender expression and sexual orientation as intrinsic inclinations–deep, persistent parts of who we are, likely created by a complex interaction of many factors. Each of these shows a continuous range in the population–for example, we observe masculine, androgynous and feminine gender expressions. Each correlates with physical sex–for example, most people assigned male at birth have a male subconscious sex, a masculine gender expression and a sexual attraction to women. Correlation is not causation, however, so people can have any combination of traits. Serano offers this model as a more accurate account of human diversity than either biological essentialist or social constructionist models. (Serano, 2007, 99-100)

Here’s the takeaway: We all have a body, including hormones, chromosomes, primary and secondary sex traits, and so on. We were all assigned a sex at birth based on our appearance (the “It’s a girl!” moment). We all have a subconscious sex–a kind of map in our brains that expects a male, female or androgynous body. We all have a gender expression–ways of moving through social roles that are most comfortable for us. And we all have a sexual orientation–attraction to men, women, and/or non-binary people, or to no one at all.

Most people fall into one of two categories: female assigned at birth, female-typical body, feminine, and attracted to men, or male assigned at birth, male-typical body, masculine and attracted to women.

At the same time, all possible exceptions occur. We have gay, lesbian, bisexual, and asexual people, who all have uncommon sexual orientations. We have masculine women and feminine men. Edited to add: Another important group to note is intersex people, whose bodies differ from the standard male and female categories. Apologies for not including this on first writing.

And we have transgender folks. “Transgender” is an umbrella that includes people whose subconscious sex and/or gender expression are exceptional. Many trans folks are like those in Ieshia’s comment–people whose subconscious sex differs (or once differed, before transition) from their physical body, causing dysphoria. Some trans people do not experience body dysphoria, but are exceptional in terms of gender expression in ways that go beyond being a tomboyish woman or flamboyant man. For example, someone may have no dysphoria but may consider themselves a member of a third gender.

Just like the general population, trans* people span the full range of possibilities. To take trans men, for example: what we have in common is that we were assigned the sex female at birth and have a male subconscious sex. Trans men may be gay (attracted to men), straight (attracted to women), bi or queer, and masculine, feminine, or androgynous, and may or may not have taken a wide variety of transition steps. The same goes for trans women. This is explains why some trans women are butch lesbians, for example, which can be a bit confusing to some people. If you understand the relationships of physical sex, subconscious sex, gender expression and sexual orientation, it makes perfect sense.

Does that clear things up? Anyone have anything to add?

Ask me a question.

Would You Choose Not To Be Transgender?

I recently came across this post by journeytojames on the question, “If you could take a pill to get rid of dysphoria and make your mind align with your body, would you?” James shares that he would not:


I really appreciate his answer–this is much how I feel. I’ve thought about this question a number of times over the years, and always felt strongly that I would not want to turn myself into a cis woman. Actually, the idea is ridiculous. I’m a guy. This is who I am. I would not want to remove my dysphoria at the cost of being someone else.

Thinking over this question, I remembered another one, similar yet opposite: If you could flip a switch and be a cisgender person of your gender, would you? In other words, if you’re a trans man and could choose to have been born a cis man instead, would you make that choice?

For a long time, I thought I would flip the switch. It would be so much easier to be a cis guy. I could have avoided pain and inconvenience. My childhood and adolescence would have been immeasurably simpler, and my life would probably be easier going forward, too.

But you know what? I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. At bottom, both questions come down to the same thing: Would you rather be someone else? I think we all wonder that from time to time.

I have no way of knowing if another life would be any better. If I can’t be at peace with this life–my actual life–why should I be at peace with any other?

As difficult as it is, being trans has shaped who I am, and I like who I am. There are plenty of good things about being trans. More importantly, being trans presented me with a challenge, and I have risen to it. Being transgender gave me the chance to take a huge risk, tell a frightening truth, make a life-changing decision and take a transformative journey–all at a very young age. That experience is irreplaceable.

I have been given an amazing window on the human experience that most will never glimpse. I have learned the power of my own resolve and intuition. I have developed compassion and confidence. I have known pain and peace. I have lived.

So it’s not so much what makes the transgender experience unique that is at issue here. It’s what makes it universal. It’s a struggle, and struggle defines the human experience. At the end of the day, the content of our struggles is less important than what we make of them. Being transgender is a lot like being anything else. As a wise man once said, how strange it is to be anything at all.

Ask A Question

You may have noticed the “Ask A Question” link in the upper right corner of this page. You can use it to submit anonymous questions, which I will do my best to answer in a post. You are welcome to send in anything–questions about transition, questions about trans* lives and bodies, or anything else I might be able to answer.

Anyone is welcome to ask. My intention is to allow trans* and questioning folks to ask any questions they might have for another transgender person, and to give cisgender (non-trans) people an opportunity to ask questions about what it means to be transgender. I welcome all questions asked in good faith.

Consider this a chance to bring up that awkward thing you’re confused about.