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‘Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner?’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner?

506. Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner?

Aired November 23, 1999

Dick learns about the history of racism after Nina won't invite him to her Black studies group. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy enter a poetry contest about changing the world.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Amen! If I could have your sweet attention, here at the piano. [playing]
Nina: Dr. Solomon, what are you doing here?
Dick: There's something that needs to be said here, Nina. [gospel flourish] Sometimes a man, he thinks he knows everything. But that man, he knows nothing. He's so lost. Never looks at life from any angle but his own. But then one day, he sees the light. He reads the books. Learns Black culture like a pro. Difference between Malcolm X and Mr. T? You just ask him. But I pity the fool. This fool, he thinks he knows everything. But still, still, he knows nothing. You know why?
Woman: [vocalizes] Why?
Dick: He picked the White body.
Choir: [sing] Fool chose the White body
Dick: He didn't know he had a whole rainbow to pick from. Nobody told him.
Choir: Nobody told him
Dick: But I, Dick Solomon, I need you to tell me, tell me that I can be a good man. Tell me I can be good in spite of my color.
Choir: Dick Solomon, you can be good Dick Solomon, you can be good


Quote from Dick

Dick: My students are right. I colonized every continent. I enslaved an entire people, and even after I abolished slavery, I- I continued to marginalize minorities with economic disincentives.
Mary: Don't let this eat you up.
Dick: Angel food cake is white. Devil's food cake... black!
Mary: I know how you feel.
Dick: Who gets to make the first move in chess? The white guys.

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Harry: Uh, Miss Dubcek, there's a man downstairs pounding on your door.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, he woke up. Maybe I should let him out.

Quote from Sally

Dick: Does anyone remember why we all decided to be White?
Harry: Oh. Um, I went with White 'cause I thought I'd be a little cooler in the summer.
Tommy: Well, don't you remember, Dick? All the television signals that we picked up in outer space were filled with White people.
Sally: Oh, except for that, uh, that Black nerd with the hiked-up pants and the oversized glasses. What was his name?
Tommy: Bryant Gumbel.
Sally: Right.

Quote from Dick

Caryn: Let me ask you something. Do you even have one Black friend?
Dick: Well, there's, uh, Nina.
Caryn: She's your assistant.
Dick: Well, there's you, Caryn.
Caryn: I'm your student.
Dick: Well, then, there's... Al Roker.
Caryn: He's on television!
Dick: You're kidding, Roke's on TV? I got to give him a call!

Quote from Dick

Dick: Well, guess what? We've unwittingly aligned ourselves with the most despicable force in Western civilization.
Sally: Bummer.
Tommy: Yeah, but, Dick, we can't do anything about that. We can't change society.
Dick: And that's where you're wrong. Mary says we can, and you know what? I'm gonna do it.
Sally: Well, how?
Dick: I'm gonna revitalize America's urban education system. I'm gonna create enterprise zones to draw in investors. I'm gonna set up a $1 billion minority scholarship fund, and I'd like us, as a family, to kick it with Sean "Puffy" Combs more often.
Tommy: No, Dick, I meant it's against the rules of our mission to change society.
Dick: Oh, damn, you're right. I guess I'll just have to concentrate on Nina.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Oh, Nina, good. I'm glad I caught you. Can I talk to you?
Nina: What is it, Dr. Solomon?
Dick: No, no. I'll just be a minute. It has come to my attention, Nina, dear, that you have been placed in a servile role. This job has put you on the fast track to nowhere, but all that is about to change. I have some wonderful news for you.
Nina: What?
Dick: Nina... you're fired.
Nina: What?!
Dick: Fly! Fly like a bird!

Quote from Nina

Nina: Oh, you have finally lost it!
Dick: Harsh medicine, I know, but it's what you need.
Nina: This job is what I need. This job pays for my health insurance, and I get to take free classes.
Dick: Nina, sweetheart, trust me. I know what's best for you.
Nina: You don't know what's best for me. You don't even know me. You think I'm some little helpless Black girl who can't make it in the world without the help of some enlightened White guy showing her the way.
Dick: And you say I don't know you.
Nina: Dr. Solomon, when I look at you, I don't see color. I see a jackass. Good night.

Quote from Sally

Sally: "If we could change the world."
Harry: Racism.
Sally: It's here.
Tommy: Racism. Stop racism. Stop racism. Stop.
Sally: Racism.
Harry: Stop!
Tommy: What?
Harry: Well, you're standing on my foot.
Sally: All right! Shut up! Shut up!
Tommy: Never again should a Cherokee man board a commercial jet liner and be afraid that the cowboy pilot will take him and the rest of the passengers out.
Harry: Racism.
Sally: We dream of a world where every photo is in color, and black and white photography is a hilarious joke, akin to someone saying, "Hey, your horse and buggy is here."
Harry: Weigh station. In this world, America will do the laundry of the Chinese.
All: And we will mix the whites and colors. One load, one world!

Quote from Sally

Sally: Okay, if I could change the world, I'd make every guy look like Don.
Tommy: Then how would you tell which one was Don?
Sally: They wouldn't all be named Don, dumbass.
Harry: I wonder what I'd look like if I looked like Don.

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