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cats white house first pet POTUS

Pussy Galore, named after the Bond girl, knows that the only way to get into the White House as a female kitty is too be sexy and hott. Now that Joe Biden is out, a new cat’s in town, and she’s ready to be America’s sex icon.


JAWS Ocean Conservation Sharks Shark Week

What is the biggest threat to our oceans? Humans. Humans have been destroying our oceans for centuries and no one has been doing anything about it. Therefore, I took it upon myself to get out there and fight the good fight. There have been many who have said hurtful things, but my plan-of-action is very methodical. Please review this selection of my kills and their reasoning so you can better understand my viral marketing activism approach…


melania trump white house official administration china diplomacy

When asked specifically about her choice of the cobalt net pattern, she said, “This pattern does not reflect the web of connections between this administration and Russia. Instead, it is a tribute to Catherine the Great. She is an example of what one nation can do if they give all their power to one single leader and put all their faith in them. In this time of great turmoil, we must trust my husband and give him more, and more, power.”


paul ryan trump relationship sexy aaron schock

“As we get older, we realize having a male figure to guide us and make decisions for us is really a benefit. I can sit back, relax, and focus on, once again, becoming a sex symbol for the Republican Party.”


obamacare healthcare house repeal bill

Having heard that Paul Ryan’s cure-all Repeal and Replace Bill for Obamacare was reportedly hidden on Capitol Hill, his fellow Congressman joined in on a game of hide and seek, knowing that whoever was the last to find the mythical bill would not benefit from its super powers (more specifically, healthcare a.k.a. the ability to pay for medical treatment so that you can live a happy and healthy life and continue to be a supportive, tax-paying citizen of the United States of America).