The Best 87 Ten Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ten jokes. There are some ten ninety jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ten nine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ten Jokes and Puns

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank god I live in Canada


The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."




Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kate Dannaher?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"

"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."

Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"

He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

The pub is ten minutes from my house...

However, my house is two hours from the pub...

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then... pun in ten did



The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten.


You can explore ten thirty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ten five dad jokes. There are also ten puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago

A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.

The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!

The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.

They say one in ten men are homosexual

In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute


Suddenly, a faint moaning is heard from the casket. The casket is opened, and it is found that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.



Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:



How do you get an antivaxxer to shut up?

I've been here for over fourteen years, it's been all downhill for the last ten.

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary


And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.

Pavlov's birds


A pun walks in and kills 10 people...

Pun in, ten dead.

A pirate goes to a doctor...




(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?


One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

I used to smoke weed and go to class...


I was the best teacher ever.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...


The best in town!


That awkward moment when you're having sex with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"

Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?

I have to say that my girlfriend is the square root of -100.

She's a perfect ten but sadly, she's imaginary.

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians


Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

A Soviet citizen is buying a car



"But that's eight years from now."


"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"

"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"

"The plumber is coming in the morning."


The bartender asks what is the occasion.

The man replies 'his first blowjob'

The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot


How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Ten ants

The bro code





A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.

He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."

The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."

A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are stupid


An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.

One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"

The man says, "I should have taken the money."

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.

As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.

"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"

"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."


Gender Equality

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.










I took ten photos of myself in the shower, but hated them all.

Turns out I have selfie-steam issues

A pun walks into a room and kills ten people

Pun in, ten dead

Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.

A pirate goes to the doctor




A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,

"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"

The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."

NSFW At the restaurant, everyone kept calling me a pedophile just because I'm 52 and my wife is 22......

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I lost my watch at a party once..

I found it ten minutes later, but some guy was stepping on it. As he stood on my watch, he was sexually harassing a young woman. So I walked up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody does that to a girl. Not on MY watch.

My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful.

I told her, "urinate out of ten."

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.

Pascal is nowhere to be seen.

Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.

Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!

Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!

A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.

When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his crotch. He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .

My wife is the only one I've been with

Everyone else is a nine or a ten.

~Dan Mintz~

Why are ten year olds wearing shorts vulnerable?

They have exposed kidneys

My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... I bought her a bathroom scale.

A priest was confronted by a prostitute.

"Do want a quickie for ten bucks?"

Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a quickie?"

The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."

A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...

She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm nude."

She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.

Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"

It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.

I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself,

Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.

The popularity of origami has increased

ten fold.

Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.

Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy

His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?

Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?

The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.

Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?

"You said you had between ten and fifteen million dollars in the bank," she yelled.

"I didn't lie," I replied, "I've got exactly $23."

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.

He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.

And Brian has a cock.'

My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy.

"You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"

I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."

He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"



Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"

Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"

Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."

Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

Drunk guy: "Huh?"

Drunk girl: "That's

A pastor discovered his bicycle had been stolen

He decided to use it as inspiration for that week's sermon, and began writing on the Ten Commandments, especially thou shalt not steal

Then he got to thou shalt not commit adultery and remembered where he left his bike.

A husband and wife are sitting in a bar.

They see a man downing beer across the room.

The wife says: "He proposed to me ten years ago, and I said no."

The husband responds: "And he's still celebrating!"

Offensive (possible repost but I made it up myself)

A pedophile drives up to his friend in a van and says "I'll trade you two fives for a ten".



Joke provided by my ten year old son.

Girl: "My first time having sex was a lot like the 100 metre dash..."

Boy: "What, over in ten seconds?"

Girl: "No, eight black men and a gun."

Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

At a fancy dinner party, a man turns to a woman and suddenly says:

- Would you sleep with me for ten million dollars?

The woman giggles.

- Of course I would!

- How about doing it for fifteen dollars?

The woman looks disgusted.

- Why, what kind of woman do you think I am?

- That's already been established. Now we're just haggling about the price.

A couple of friends are drinking at a bar

One friend spots a couple of old drunks at the end of the bar and says "that'll be us in ten years".

The other friend looks and says "That's a mirror dumbass".

A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery




An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...

...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...

The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

Two old drunks

I was sitting in a bar with my friend and I noticed two old drunks across the bar from us. I laughed and said, "That's us in ten years." My friend replied, "That's a mirror, dipshit."

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big she
can only fasten eight."

So I sent my friend 10 puns hoping that at least one of them would get a laugh out of him.

No pun in ten did.

After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had.

Mainly when I smiled.

Nine out of ten doctors suggest you drink water instead of soda.

The one that doesn't lives in Flint, Michigan.

A pun walks into a room…

A pun walks into a room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

A guy was meeting his friend in the bar


At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks

This joke brought to you by my ten year old son

I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.

Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?

"No officer.

Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.

Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"

A Young Russian is sent to a Siberian Work Camp

A Guard looks at him and asks "How long is your sentence?"

The young man says, "Ten years"

The guard whistles and replies, "What did you do?"

"Nothing" says the young man.

The guard laughs and says "That's a lie. For doing nothing you only get 8 years"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ten dozen jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.


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