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Fun Times with DH

Redsonya's picture

DH's family has never accepted me. Yes, they are nuts, and I do give his sister and mother credit for coming to our wedding. However, they have always been super close friends with BM and since DH has moved an hour away with me, they spend all their holidays, BBQs, etc with BM. I kind of get it since they live close to each other and she has his kids, but now they are listening to rumors (untrue) that she told them about me and his mother came unglued at me on the phone and wouldn't listen to me at all when I tried to defend myself.

DH has NEVER confronted or said anything to his family in the two years that I have been with him about this. They literally treat me like I don't exist, or else they don't like me because of things BM has told them that I was never given the chance to defend. However, his alcoholic brother was recently put in jail by his mother (who he was living with) and DH told his sister to never talk to him again if she went to visit him with DH's sister in law. The brother and sister in law are in the middle of a divorce and DH is worried that she is going to use this jailtime to get him to agree to property settlements that he shouldn't . I was pretty mad that he has never said one word to his family about their treatment of me, but he is all over it when his loser brother needs help. He is crazy angry at me right now because "not everything has to do with me" and his brother really needs help. Umm. yeah, but I am his wife - he knows how badly this has bothered me and his brother brought all this on himself. Thoughts?

silentnites's picture

I am sorry you have to go through this. His family is dysfunctional. It is not normal behavior, and he should not be allowing this to occur. I would never continue a close relationship like that with the ex of one of my sons. It is not the right thing to do. There is too much drama going on there. Your DH has chose to spend his life with you, weather they like you or not is irrelevant, it is what their son has chosen, and for that reason alone you should be treated with absolute respect.

Your MIL is a tool, she should not be engaging in, or starting drama, and for that I sympathize with you. DH should tell them immediately to knock it the heck off, or discontinue the unhealthy relationship with them altogether.

Cocoa's picture

let him involve himself in all that drama if he wants to, since he cares more about how his bro is treated than his wife. this will eventually erode your marriage, but it is what it is. i'm coming to the same realizations myself with my dh and his dysfunctional family (although since i've backed off he's seeing things on his own). [all dh has known is dysfunction in his life until he met me. he thought all this crap was normal! he's learned alot, but there's only so far i can go. it's time for grasshopper to go into the world on his own and deal with all the drama on his own, is the way i see it.] if i were you, i wouldn't get involved AT ALL, you don't even want to hear about it. wouldn't say a word unless it's gonna cost you time, money or energy, then there would be hell to pay. tell him you don't need to hear how upset he is that his bro may get shafted considering how he's allowed his family to treat you. they don't exist to you and you'd appreciate never hearing about them again until the day comes that he can stand up for you. and then walk away. let him think about it and every time he brings them up smile and say, "not interested" until he's stood up for you.