Just Ask The Question!

I have a client who is kicking ass, and I want to tell you a bit about how he handled something recently, in case it can help you. This is huge, and it speaks to exactly what we’re after here at A Clean Mind. He’s living a new way, and he’s experiencing more and more everyday peace as a result.

So he had a major alcohol issue just before he started seeing me, and he’s doing very well with that now. It’s been about four months since we met, and things are deepening more and more. This is how it works, by the way, when we start understanding that our experience comes from our thinking and not from the world directly (that’s not possible). Our peace naturally deepens. And he sees me just to speed up to process. And I’m so proud to say that it’s working really well!

It’s looking like he has some major life changes on the horizon, including moving to a new city in a new state to take a new job. This will involve moving his wife and kids, selling their house, buying a new one, and finding an awesome school for the kids. It also involves leaving the family business that he’s been intertwined in for the last fifteen years, along with his dad and his parents. There are assets to split up, shares to break off, and that type of thing. And then there are the conversations. Tough conversations about moving after being so close for so long. It’s really not that far away, an easy half-day drive, but it’s still a huge change. And lots of times we feel stress when there’s lots of change. He knows where it comes from, though – not the changes themselves but rather how he sees the changes. In other words, how he feels comes from his thinking. That is the source. And what great news!

So here’s his big breakthrough. He’d gotten an initial offer from the other company, and he had just pressed send on the email sending back his counter-offer. And he noticed that his body had felt off for the past 4-5 days. He stood up, relaxed, looked out the window at the pond, and took some deep breaths. Then he simply asked the question, “Why does my body feel like this? Why does my back hurt right now?” And here’s the essential part. Then he waited. He didn’t judge it and thus make an extra problem out of the situation. He wasn’t tight about needing to know. He just asked the question, relaxed into it, and waited for what came up. He received. And you know what happened next? There was his natural stream of wisdom, which is just the same as common sense, right there. And it said that it wasn’t really the details of the job offer and the negotiation process; he was confident that would be fine. What was bothering him was everything else – the conversations with his family members, splitting up assets, selling and buying a house, and relocating his kids to a new area and a new school. Worrying about that stuff is what his body was feeling.

By stopping, relaxing, and taking a look, quite the shift occurred, and no less than a life-changing shift at that. He was now seeing his thinking in the moment clearly, and his body responded right away, and felt much better. He also said that he’s been noticing his body more and more now, which is huge because that’s our signal to glance at our thinking. He was more clear and relaxed now, so he could see that he didn’t even need to be worrying about those things in that moment. The job offer comes first. If he takes it, he’ll move down there for three months to make sure it’s a good fit. After that, they’ll sell their house and buy a new one. And that’s when his wife and kids will move down and they can focus on schools. His body was acting like he had to have all of this done yesterday, and that just wasn’t true. His body was acting like he was going to pull his kids out of school in the middle of the year, and that wasn’t true. They would move after school let out for summer. He had to stop, relax, and ask the question, though, “Why do I feel this way right now?” And then receive.

The splitting of assets is still an unknown, but he said he’s not going to make a big deal out of it either way. He has a great offer where he’s going, and he knows they’ll be fine. So that one is done. And regarding the conversations, he’s pretty much already had them. Now they’ll all just spend quality time together until he moves, assuming it works out that way. So that one is done as well. So what he was doing is similar to what literally billions of humans do on a daily basis – worry about things that I don’t need to worry about right now in this moment. And it happens behind the scenes, too. This is called invisible thinking. That’s why when you notice your body’s signals in the form of how you feel, you have to stop and just ask the question. And most of us just go, go, go, never pausing to really look at what’s going on.

Here’s the coolest thing about all of this. He said, “In the past, I would’ve just chugged a pint of vodka.” Bam! That’s pretty strong. Now he knows that he doesn’t have to cover those feelings up. They’re valuable information, so you don’t even want to cover them up! So he stopped, relaxed, and just asked where they were coming from. Because he already knew the psychological fact that how I feel comes from my thinking in this moment. So what he really asked was, what’s my thinking right now? And he wasn’t tight about it at all. That’s huge, just because it makes it easier for us to recognize our wisdom/common sense that’s always right there just below the surface.

This is cool, people! This dude has hit a new stage, and he’s reaping the rewards. A phrase that works for him, which he got from me, is “Relax into it.” If it sounds lazy, it’s not. He’s handling major stuff right now and he’s feeling great. Things are flowing, and he’s having fun throughout the process. In other words, he’s truly a happy person. And that’s what we’re all after. And it’s already inside of you right now, wherever you are. When you learn that it can only be covered up by your thinking, which your body constantly feels, you’re on the super highway to peace. Vroom vroom!