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7 Things Egyptians Can't Handle

We're a touchy bunch.

1. Swearing at their mom

Do not take the lord's my mum's name in vain. Just tell an Egyptian guy anything ending with ommak and see what happens. We dare you.

2. The rain

Every time it rains in Cairo, which is approximately all of three times a year, the entire city comes to a standstill. Traffic jams that last two hours now last four. Entire outings are cancelled because people simply can't face the idea of exiting their homes with water pouring from the sky. Streets get flooded. Flooded. After a day of light rain. The last time it rained properly in Egypt the damn roof of a cinema collapsed. We can't imagine what would happen if it rained like any normal non-desert-climate country.

3. Volume control

We are just a genetically loud and rowdy bunch. We're not entirely sure if it's just in our DNA to live at a volume which is like, ten decibels louder than the rest of the world, or if it’s that when Egyptians are around other Egyptians, there's some kind of sound synergy thing going on, and as such our collective volume as a nation spikes. Maybe it's because our surrounding environment (read: traffic) is so loud that we feel the need to raise our voices to surpass its volume? And then over time we just got accustomed to living at this new level of sound? Who knows. Whatever the reason, Egyptians face intense difficulty in controlling their sound levels – it's a task of Herculean proportions getting them to lower their voices.

4. Punctuality

Egyptians do not believe in punctuality. We find it to be an impossible task to arrive somewhere on time. In fact, it's considered downright stupid and bordering on bad manners to arrive somewhere at a previously agree upon time. You're clearly trying to make the other person look bad.

5. Foreigners insulting their country

Egyptians spend the majority of their time swearing at Egypt and what a crap country it is, and swearing up and down that they're leaving this shithole for good. If a foreigner so much as whispers that we have a problem, they shoot them a filthy look and start speaking in Arabic about how bedan they are. Meen ebn el a7ba da?

6. Foreigners 3ammatan.

Egyptians just don’t like foreigners all that much. Although to be fair it's not so much a dislike for them as it is an inability to make an effort with them. For guys, khawaga girls are good for one thing – there's a chance they'll put out. Other than that, Egyptians just generally find it exhausting to have to accommodate the English speaking humans. We also just don’t understand them. We don’t get why they eat fruits for lunch or walk to places or laugh when we say we don’t know how to do laundry.

7. People questioning their driving.

"You talkin' to me?"
Driving is a touchy issue for Egyptians. Though none of us even have an inkling of what a driving test requires or know basic traffic rules, we think we're Formula 1 level drivers. If you step into a car and put on a seatbelt, like any normal human who fears for their lives should, they look at you strangely and ask if you don’t trust their driving. If you tell someone to slow down/be careful, they look at you strangely and ask if you don’t think they know what they're doing. If you ask someone if they're really okay to drive when they’ve been drinking copious amounts of vodka and are on various drugs, they look at you strangely and tell you they drive better when they're under the influence.