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Free Samples

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: homestuck

(Plankton laughs and enters the Chum Bucket, squirting chum on a plate)
Karen: To what do I owe the excessive volume of this giggling?
Plankton: You may thank my new original idea, darling. Free samples. (Karen looks confused)
Karen: New and original my exhaust-fan?
Plankton: Okay, so I didn't invent the concept, but I improved upon it by removing the only obstacle to chum's success!
Karen: You mean the smell? (laughing) Smell.
Plankton: No. I mean getting the public to try some! Once everyone gets the taste of my delicious chum, they will tear this place apart just to get some. Plus it's free, and who could resist free! (cuts to Plankton sitting on a bench by some buildings) Step right up for your free samples of delicious chum!
Nat: Hey, what did he just say?
Plankton: I just said they're free!
Nat: Oh, I thought he said freaks. In that case… (lots of fish get in line) So glad I actually left my house today!
Plankton: That's the spirit, people. Step on up, please take your time and be orderly. I want to savor this whole putting Krabs out of business. Business...
Fish #1: What is it?
Fish #2: Who cares Silly McNilly? It's free!
Fish #1: Oh it's going to be so good cause it's free!
(everyone starts eating chum)
Plankton: Eat up. (Plankton laughs as everyone looks sick from the chum) I have no idea that chum was this rotten, I better not be here with all this agony turns to anger. (runs away)
Nat: Hey, he's making a run for it we can't let him get away from this, let's get up and... (nauseously) Get him!
(everyone chases Plankton, Patrick walks to the stand)
Patrick: Free samples. (eats chum) Yum! (eating more)
(everyone standing by the Chum Bucket, Lifeguard knocks on the door)
Lifeguard: Hey, you, I know you're in there!
Plankton: It's not fair! If Krabs gives away free samples he wouldn't get this treatment!
Karen: If Krabs gave away free samples, he probably wouldn't poison people cause tarnishing the good name of his restaurant.
Plankton: Yeah, I suppose you right. (gets an idea) Free Krabby Patties, step up, step up, you'll never get this chance again folks!
Fish #3: Free Krabby Patties?!
(runs to the stand)
Nat: Hey, what's all the hubble?
Fish #4: Didn't you hear, someone's giving away free Krabby Patties!
Plankton: That's it. (laughing)
Lifeguard: Hey, wait a minute, aren't you the same guy what was giving away that rotten chum sample before?
Plankton: Oh, that wasn't me that was, uhh... my brother-in-law, Flankton.
Lifeguard: Oh, okay!
(fish eating chum, same reaction as before)
Plankton: Krabby Patties anyone?
SpongeBob: (sings) I'm off to work, off to work, getting ready to flipping. Those customers can't get enough Krabby Patties. Settle down folks I'm here, I shall have your Krabby Patties before you shortly.
Nat: No!
Lifeguard: You made those awful Krabby Patties what made my eyeballs fall out!
(SpongeBob is scared, slides into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Over here boy. (hiding)
SpongeBob: What is going on out there?
Mr. Krabs: My whole town turn against me and I have no idea why. (Lifeguard throws a note through the window) Because the krabby patty is terrible. (gasps) Krabby patty? Terrible? How do those words even go together?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but we have do something to turn this situation around.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're right. We have to do everything in our power to bring those customers back. We'll triple the prices.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want to get customers in here shouldn't we lower the prices?
Mr. Krabs: Fine. (the price is lowered from $2.99 to $2.98) How about that? (customers throwing rocks) I'm ruined! (crying)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want your customers back, we need to take more extreme measures. We simply give Krabby Patties away for… (mouth is covered by Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Don't you say it, boy.
SpongeBob: It's the only way, Mr. Krabs. Alright, sir, it's time.
Mr. Krabs: Time? But it's too soon. (Mr. Krabs jumps to a free samples stand) I'm not ready to let them go free.
SpongeBob: But you said to go ahead with the plan no matter how hard you fight me.
Mr. Krabs: I don't remember saying anything like that.
SpongeBob: I do. (SpongeBob pulls the sheet off the stand) Free Krabby Patties! Get your totally and completely free up-charge Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: NO! (tries to run, tied up in chains)
SpongeBob: It's for your own good, Eugene. Free Krabby Patties, come and get your free Krabby Patties! (the word patties echoed)
Mr. Krabs: Uh, for a second. I thought we have to give away a ton of Krabby Patties, but it look like free ain't even enough to jump start me business. Wait, free ain't even enough, my business is doomed! (crying)
Plankton: I can't really believe how well this is turning out for me today.
SpongeBob: Hmm, looks, it's time to pull out the big guns. (playing calliope) No one can't resist the sweet sounds of a calliope.
Fish #1: Hey look, Billy, a calliope.
SpongeBob: Squidward, here's your cup like we rehearsed. (gives him a cup)
Squidward: (dresses as a monkey) I can't feel my legs.
SpongeBob: Here let me help you, Squidward (he pulls Squidward nose, Squidward walks by a young fish)
Young Fish: Look, mama, a monkey! (throws a penny at Squidward) Dance, monkey, dance! Dance, monkey!
Squidward: (takes off suit) I quit!
SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't leave. We can't give up yet.
Plankton: (laughing) Sweet and delicious victory you are mine!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, we'll fix this.
Mr. Krabs: Not this time boy, it's all over for the good old Krusty Krab, it's probably best if you start looking for a new job, boy... maybe in the different line of work.
SpongeBob: You mean, different. (gets an idea) That's it!
Mr. Krabs: Well, that was better, than I expected. Well only one more thing left to do now. I have to leave back with me mom.
Narrator: Five minutes later.
SpongeBob: Krabby Patties, brand new krabby patty recipe, all new, all different, all deliciousness, try them for free!
Fish: You can't be serious.
Lifeguard: I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.
Fish: No, wait!
Nat: Let him go, it's too late.
SpongeBob: All new free Krabby Patties!
Lifeguard: Hey, buddy, I'll try one, what do I got to lose. (all gasp) Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I ever put in my mouth! Yay!
Fish: Did he just say it was good?
Lifeguard: Woohoo! (dances)
Nat: Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!
(everyone eats happily)
Fish #1: I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? (gives SpongeBob money)
Fish #2: Yum! Hey, buddy boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! (takes more Krabby Patties)
(their heads turn into arms as they high five)
Two Fish: Now that's what i'm talking about!
Nat: These are my savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! (they dump all their money on SpongeBob)
Plankton: (on the phone) Don't worry, Karen, i'll be here at lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. (laughs, dollar lands on Plankton) What the…? (gasps)
SpongeBob: It's working!
Plankton: No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties remember? (a dump trunk arrives) Uh-oh. (money lands on Plankton)
(lots of money is dumped on the ground, Mr. Krabs is happy and lands on Plankton, crushing him)
SpongeBob: We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did is sell the old Krabby Patties, and call them new!
Mr. Krabs: Do you mind, i'm trying to make a money angel here.
SpongeBob: Oh, money angels, can I make one?
Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in! (they make money angels while crushing Plankton and laughing) Did you hear that?
SpongeBob: Hear what?
Mr. Krabs: Good point. (they continue to laugh and make money angels as the episode ends)