The Best 79 Jack Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Jack jokes. There are some jack jake jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these jack jack and jill went up the hill puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Jack Jokes and Puns


The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?



Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'

A bear walks in to a bar.

Bartender greets him and happily takes his order.

Bartender: What can I get you for?

Bear: Ill have a jack and......... coke.

Bartender: Why the big pause?

Bear: (looks at paws) I've had them all my life.

2 Guys in a Bar

2 guys in a bar.


Jack: "We do it twice a week"

John: "But Jack, you're not even married!"


Jack joke, 2 Guys in a Bar

Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...


The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

Don't forget capital letters...



Blondes and Blind Cowboy


'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

* The bouncer is a blonde girl.


* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.


The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head

Gimme a triple shot of Jack

The bartender says "Geez, what did you say?"

Jack joke, Gimme a triple shot of Jack

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.


The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

A man calls his wife late at night.

He says, "I'm sorry honey, but i'm going to be staying with Jack tonight."

She says, "Its ok, honey. I'll see you in the morning, love you."
"I love you, too dear. Have a good night."

The wife quietly hangs up the phone and turns to the man in her bed, "Its ok, my husband is with you tonight."

-Redd Foxx

Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind.

Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, "Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind."

Little Jimmy: "Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."

You can explore jack gerry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean jack mickey dad jokes. There are also jack puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If you and jack were horseback riding

Would you help jack off the horse?

My Wife won't like it

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"

"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.



"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.


"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."


"Under the cart!"

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while

-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!

-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.

-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.

Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?

-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.

-Oh cool! Thx!

-Mais de rien !

-oh! stfu already...

Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?

- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)

[probably not the best written joke :/]

Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

The student and the teacher.

TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Jack joke, The student and the teacher.

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."

Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."

First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"

Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard licker."

Give a man a jacket




Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."

"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"

"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"

"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

A muslim guy greeted his friend on an airplane. They were both detained.

His friend named Jack.

Two high dudes meet...

"What's your name?"
"Jack without a V."
"There's no V in Jack."
"That's what I just said."

Why did Rose not buy the iPhone 7

Cause it didn't have a Jack

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Dark humor is like...

...a headphone jack. Not everybody gets it.

What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?

Jack off

What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common?

There's no room for jack, on both of them

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today,

But he's here in spirit.

Jack and Jill work together in an office...

Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

I'm on a plane and I see my friend Jack.

Instinctively I say, "Hi Jack!"

Still don't understand why I was detained.

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on..

.. the suspension is killing me.

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate the headphone jack.

I asked my friend who the antagonist of Borderlands is.

Me: "If you tell me, i'll give you some alcohol for free"

Friend: "Alright then, hand some jack"

Our family surname is Daniels

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

My friend said he liked the ending of his book so much, he'd jack off to it.

I just don't know how he came to that conclusion.

The bro code





I got kicked off a plane today.

All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns?

Pumpkin Pi.

Dear people who don't write capital letters,


What's a alcoholic

Jack asks his father "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" The dad says "You see those 4 trees over there, if you see eight it means your an alcoholic." the son replies with "But dad I only see two"

Louis CK helped me change a flat tire.

All I had to do was watch him jack it.



I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.


A Jack Off All Trades

Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he masturbated before learning it?

He was jack off all trades.


The operator asks for his location.

Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .


There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.

Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

Jack goes to his friend Mike

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...






I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today.

All I did was greet my friend Jack.

The teacher asked little Timmy if he could count numbers yet.

He replied "yes, my father taught me."

"Great," said the teacher. "What comes after three?"

"Four," Timmy replied.

"Well Done," the teacher said. "What comes after six?"

"Seven," Timmy replied.

"Finally, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.


Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

A lumber jack went into a forest....

Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, wait I'm a talking tree
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
And you will dialogue

I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.

I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.

I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.

So I drank all the JD before I rode back.


An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.

The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"

The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"

Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?

The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to swallow a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...


His eyes rolled back, he went limp.


A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

It was that snake, with two more frogs...

My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

Teacher came to Jack's desk

-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.

-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.

-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...

Proper Grammar, Guys


Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or Jack off. Without batting an eye she responded "you better jack off, I have a terrible headache."

A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.

His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.

After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.

After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everone asks him how he got them.

Jack : I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?

The woman answered : No, I'm his wife!

Jack: You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?

How are Donald Trump and a jack o' lantern alike?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out the first week of November.

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.





A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

I jacked off on an elevator

It was wrong on so many levels

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.


"What'll ya have?" he asks.






My wife went to the cinema with her friends

My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his little yellow duck?" she asked.
I said, "I don't know, I can't see him from the pub."

Too Hot

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey," he continued, "what would then neighbors think if I mowed the lawn like this?"


Why does Jack Skellington's pet dog have a bright, shiny nose?

Because he's a boo's hound.

Six Months

"I'm getting a divorce," said Jack to his friend, Bill. "The wife hasn't spoken with me for six months." Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you're doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find."

Old Man Jack married an old maid

Life had been hard on old Ethel. But they were truly in love, and their families agreed it was best for them to live out their final days in joy.

On their wedding night, Jack lay on the bed and watched his new bride undress.

She took out her glass eye and placed it in a velvet case.

Next, she removed her false teeth and put them in a glass of water.

Taking off her wig, she placed it on a small bust on the dresser.

She removed her prosthetic leg, and stood it beside the chair.

Jack finally spoke: "When you get to the part I'm waiting for, just toss it over."

Proper use of capital letters

It's the difference between helping grandpa jack off a horse and helping grandpa Jack off a horse.

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," then...

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the little boy.

I ordered a Jack and Coke and the bartender asked Is Pepsi okay?

I said yeah, and he gave me a Coke and Pepsi.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the jack papa jack jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working jack jack and jill piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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