going forward





For the time being however, my focus is on the verbal abuse sessions and they are going well. I plan to continue them until I am convinced that I am making concrete progress. Of course it’s hard to measure since the sources of stress have effectively been removed and indeed that is part of the solution. No one wants to be pinned into a corner like a wild animal because the reaction will never be pretty.

Cohabitation is out for now. N and I need to rebuild our trust by seeing each other regularly and establishing a calm pattern of stability that reassures each of us that we can have long term durability as a couple. Instead of announcing to the world that we are back on, we will simply quietly see each other and see how it goes.

Based on what I am seeing right now, I am very optimistic.

NB: This is my 300th post and whoda thunk that I'd still be writing this blog. Certainly not me.


  1. Joanna,

    It sounds like you're just at one of your dysphoric cycle minimums. I know that when I'm doing everything right and my dysphoria is gone I always think that it's safe to drop what's working. But it always comes around to bite me. The last few years I have ignored the urge to stop and I've found my dysphoria to be much less and more stable.

    So just remember to keep up what you're doing now and you should be ok. If I were you, I'd still go the counseling sessions this fall. You could learn more ways to minimize your GD and I know you'd be an inspiration to the others there :-) . As you know, GD can be a fickle beast and the better prepared you are the less it will effect you.


  2. After so many years I am finally starting to understand my patterns lindsay!

  3. i am soooo glad to hear you are working things out with N as it can be a lonely life by ones self! but remember it is better to choose someone who really loves you and stands by you than just choosing anyone to avoid being by one's self(which i don't believe you are doing) . being an only child i understand this well. if N is willing to stand by you and give it a chance as a best friend will do then you have a good chance of making it work from the get go. remember even with out the GD issues other couples can face such things as anger management and a host of other issues. the fact that you are going to therapy is a really big step because that realization came from within. some things we can manage ourselves but when we can't then it takes a professional from outside the body to help.
    the importiant thing as with any close friend as you have found out is to not shut the other person out. otherwise why share one's life if one doesn't include the other person.
    good luck with N i am happy for you.

  4. I think that many things are connected. When you were verbally abusive to N in the past were you ever dressed as Joanna. Was your yelling a way to relieve pent up emotions over not being able to get out and about and express yourself as Joanna.
    In guy mode I can at times be aggressive, overbearing and loud. I cannot see myself yelling, let along being even remotely abusive to anyone when dressed as Pat.

    Good Luck

    1. Pat the problem lay in the frustrations surrounding my GID, my kids and her pets. That combination was at times the match that lit my kindling....



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