Thursday, December 30, 2010

Rowan is 11 months today!

Silly Devil Cowlick
At this writing, I find it hard to believe that I have been a mother for almost a year. I am actually started to plan my son's first birthday party! It has been an incredible journey that is only just beginning. I am amazed at my son and myself daily for everyday miracles, and personal developments in both of us.

My son has been good for me. He has made me more patient, more present, and more giving. I have never been a patient person, and motherhood tests your limits. But love for Rowan supercedes any personal agenda I may have in the short-term and I gladly set aside my laptop, my reading, or my craft project to cuddle when he desires it or to console him when he is feeling sad, scared, or frightened. And I am delighted to do so. It has surprised me, actually. In those moments when I am lying next to him, cuddling instead of doing schoolwork, I look into his eyes and feel absolutely no resentment for the late night I will have in order to get my assignment done in time.

He loves sparkly things.
Must be the Rad Fae influence.
Lately he has tried my patience for sure- teething leads to inconsolable crying for prolonged periods. He is going through several phases of fighting naptime and sleeping (and more crankiness). He has entered the phase of separation anxiety from both me and his daddy- which means anytime one of us has somewhere to be, he cries for 10 minutes to an hour, missing us. I am no saint- it is at those times when I gladly pass him off to daddy (when he gets home) after those trying times in order to recharge my battery (and be a better parent ultimately). Daddy does the same thing, it's an unspoken ritual when he's been especially trying that day.

I am so happy that I get to stay home with him for over a month! My semester ended last week, and I do not have new classes until the beginning of February! While I have some personal plans (reading for pleasure! taking up embroidery again! starting the Bay Area Bureau of the Pagan Newswire Collective!), the main plan is to revel in these deadline free times with Rowan -to celebrate the time we have as a family and make new traditions.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy Kwanzaa, everyone!



What are the seven principles (Nguzo Saba) of Kwanzaa
















Saturday, December 25, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lessons for My Son: Surrender, Honor, and Trust

"Let go, or be dragged."   -Zen Proverb

Rowan, the lesson of surrender has been a hard one for your mama. We are often told in this culture that surrender is equated with defeat. But that is not the meaning of surrender that I am talking about here. The term has been linked to defeat for myriad reasons, not the least of which is sexism, plain and simple. Many religious traditions have practices that involve complete surrender, such as divine possession or oracular work- and in many of them, that is a traditional role for women or gay men. (Read: passive in that culture's eyes.)

So what do I, specifically, mean by surrender, exactly? I do not mean "giving up", squashing your Will, or submitting your life force to anyone. What I mean is allowing events to take their course and putting trust in your own GodSoul and trust in bigger forces that you are but a part of to do the right thing. It is something mama is still working out, Rowan- but it's one of those things that you know it when you see it. And it is HARD TO DO. I am a do-er kind of person, and simply be-ing and trusting others and other forces is not something that comes naturally. I have to work at it.

Frankly, my caution about setting up a situation and then surrendering to it is because many, many people in this world are huge disappointments and are cowards. You simply cannot trust them to do the right thing, or do anything at all. This is a related lesson- surround yourself with people that strive for impeccability and honor.*

I am not talking about the Jehovah Witness take on the world (the belief that action to create a world (through politics or activism) is wrong and shows that you do not believe that God is omnipotent and benevolent and looks out for His people). That take pisses me off- as it marginalizes people from their own Power. As a Witch, I believe in free will and just action in the world and working your Will.

As a Witch, knowing when to act and when to allow events to take their course is what we call discernment. And it is a skill. Mama will help you cultivate your own discernment as you grow.

*As a sidenote, many people think impeccability is not getting into the fray- this is simply not true. Being afraid to get your hands messy is a sign of cowardice, not impeccability.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Sacred Space

As a religious Witch, I am lucky enough to have a room set aside in my home as a temple. It is a permanent place to do ritual, spellwork, and sacred craft. I share the temple with my partner, who is also a Witch. So it is not completely "me" that way that sacred space used to be. But then again, I never had a while room to devote to religious practice before, either!

See the old soda crate to the right?
Back in the day, I was lucky to have one altar that would not be touched or messed with by roommates or lovers. For this purpose, I had an old wood soda crate (that used to cart around glass bottles) that would serve, upended, as my altar. Usually it would be on top of my dresser- as when you live with roommates, your bedroom is the only room that is "yours".

It would be draped in fabric, have hanging items suspended from it, and still other items would be nestled inside one of the cubbies (that used to house bottles of soda, but instead served as shelves for sacred statuary, items from nature, candles, and more.) I still use one of these in a larger altar to the beloved dead so that I can "go vertical" and cram more things into my altar space. (What can I say? I am a Taurus and also part magpie!)

But having a larger room has meant being able to have not just basic working tools out on the altar, but having a room of altars that all work together. Each divine being we work with has a special place- and in front of our "working altar" (that houses tools and things in process), I have a zafu and zabuton for my sitting practice.

I have a space for sacred crafts that I am working on- such as wands and masks. And I can always go in there, shut the door and know that my privacy and space will be respected by my partner.

Having a sacred space, set aside is a luxury that I enjoy. Do you have a sacred space? What makes it special to you?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Let's Talk Traditions!

Welcome to the December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk Traditions



This is my son's first year, and he just celebrated his first (secular) Thanksgiving. It was not a "typical one" for us (we visited two different Thanksgiving feasts, not hosting our own), and it started me thinking- what traditions do I want to have for my newly formed family? Now is the time to start, so we can establish these rituals for a lifetime.

My partner and I have already made a commitment to celebrate and mark the wheel of the year with our son, as we both feel that turning the wheel, as a community, ties us to one another, the land and its natural cycles, and the Gods. That is what being a Witch is all about, yes? But each sabbat has its own mythos and associated traditions. (Many of these rituals will seem familiar to people raised as or practicing Christianity, as most of the rituals around Christmas, Halloween, and Easter come from pagan origins.)

For Yule, the sabbat on the horizon, we celebrate the birth of the sun/son. We burn a Yule log, stay up all night (sound like midnight mass, anyone?) and celebrate the longest night of the year. We have a tree that we decorate, and we string lights and place candles everywhere to celebrate the return of the light. We exchange gifts. We sing songs. We bake and cook and feast. We decorate with evergreen, holly, and mistletoe. This year, Yule falls on a lunar eclipse, so we will be incorporating that into our ritual, to be sure!

I loved my family of origin's traditions at this time of year (under the guise of Christmas, as I was raised what I call "secular christian") and hope to start some of these traditions as my own. My mother was great at establishing honored traditions that I hope to continue with my family.

My most beloved thing this time of year was decorating the tree: my mother made it a point to buy or make each of us children ornaments that commemorated something that happened to us that particular year: piano lessons, getting pet birds, breaking my leg sledding, etc. Then she would write our names and the year on the bottom. Each year, we would pull the ornaments out, one at a time, and remember and tell stories about that year: "Remember when we thought my girl finch was a boy and my boy finch was a girl- until he laid an egg!" and laugh and have a good time slowly decorating the tree. Included in our ornament melange were also ornaments that we had made in scouts and at school. I still have a snowman ornament that I painted that has a big bite taken out of it. My littlest sister thought it was a cookie!

I want Rowan to have this tradition, and when he is older, he will have a box of ornaments to remember with, just like his mom! I also want to bake cookies with him, have people over, have a fire with hot cocoa and mulled cider, tell stories, sing songs, and stay up all night. Perhaps he can host a Yule sleepover when he gets older- and stay up all night with his friends.

Ostara, by Helena Nelson Reed
As for other traditions, Ostara has bunnies and eggs as symbols of budding fertility- so egg hunts and chocolate bunnies are in order! We head up to Wolf Creek sanctuary each Beltaine to dance around the Maypole with kin. Mabon is the witches' Thanksgiving feast. And we plan on creating all sorts of special traditions around Midsummer and Imbolg as well. Birthdays always deserve a party and I hope to get Rowan's help with themes and ideas each year- it IS a celebration of him, after all!

Tell me how you celebrate! What traditions do you have in your family- whether around holidays or not?




Friday, December 10, 2010

December is Heilagmanoth

Heilagmanoth means holy month; and with virtually every world religion celebrating this month- the old Norman name is accurate! I cannot possibly list them all here, so here is another link. If you needed a reason to party, December is the month for you. Let's start with the obvious ones (to us in the United States or Europe, where most of my readers are):

Pagan/Witch/European-based Shaman/Druid: Yule/Alban Arthuan is on the solstice itself. At its core it is a festival of lights and the return of the sun in a time of darkness. It is commemorated in a number of ways, depending on which pagan country/religious denomination you ask: the decoration of trees, lighting of dandles and stringing of lights, feasting, exchange of gifts, and singing up the sun. Ine theme is the return of the sun/son. There is usually a god that gets born or reborn this day. These are all powerful ideas, so much so, that later religions incorporated these themes into their holidays (see below).

Christian/Catholic: Christmas, held on the 25th, which is the celebration of the birth of the Christian messiah.

Judaism: Hannukah is also a festival of lights. It is a celebration of a miracle that saved Jews, an improbable military victory that saved them as a people.


Some lesser known and/or historical holidays include:

Misrule! A World Turned Upside-Down.
Zoroastrian: Zartusht-No-Diso is a celebration of the prophet Zarathrustra.
Voudou: Agou-Arroyo (12th) and Ganga-Bois (10th)
Roman pagan: Saturnalia

English pagan: Day of Misrule (17th) (This is hostorically the first day of the Roman festival Saturnalia.) It was a period of great feasting and festivity, with a lot of drinking and eating. Slaves would become masters for the festival, and everything was turned upside down. This part of the Roman festival survived into the 17th century.
Mithraic mysteries: A festival when a savior was born on December 25. The resemblances between the life of Mithras and Jesus are astounding.

In the Netherlands, SinterKlaas is celebrated on the 5th. In Catholic circles, St. Nicholas Day is on the 6th and a day commemorating the Immaculate conception is on the 8th. In Mexico, Las Posadas, dedicated to the Virgen de Guadalupe, is celebrated for 9 days. Silly people who like holidays (any holiday) have Festivus on the 23rd.

And of course, for those of us that use the Gregorian calendar, there is New Year's Eve. In Japan, is is called
Omisoka, which is a remnant of the country's polytheist (Shinto) past

December has also been designated Universal Human Rights Month by the United Nations, and I can think of no better month for it. Since most of the world are lifting up their voices in song to commune with each other and the divine- what a better month to remember that we are connected to everyone.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Natural Parenting Update


Being a Witch means natural parenting ideas are the ones that come naturally to me, but sometimes it means more work and challenges in life! Rowan is growing so fast, sometimes I just want to document what he's up to so I will remember what the day-to-day was like!

Mmmm. Black Beans!
Baby Led Weaning (BLW): This is a very messy experiment, and if you hate cleaning up messes... well, it would be a hard project for you! Baby led weaning is where you allow your child to experiment with chunks of food, rather than only feeding purees and mashes. This allows your child to develop a healthy gag reflex and distinguish between gagging and actual choking much faster. It also means as a family, you are sharing healthy meals together, and I have noticed that Rowan would much rather eat what we are eating than a separate "baby only" food. BLW should only be done with a parent present, of course. Rowan LOVES his food. He seems to love everything we give him and in myriad ways: to eat it, smear it, squish it, and let juices gush down his chin onto his chest (we strip him to only his diaper these days when he eats- to lessen the clean up!). He is reveling in being a big boy that eats solids- just like mama and papa. And while yes- he has gagged a few times, he has never choked. He's a master!

Speaking and Signing: He has spoken his first word, "ball" which is easily his favorite toy. He pronounces it "bla" (I guess those end L sounds are hard!). As of this week, he has finally mastered the "m" sound and can finally say mama, which he uses to mean ME! (That makes mama smile!) He also knows sign, although he does not do any yet. He most assuredly knows "milk", "food", "sleep", "mama" and "daddy". We are teaching him "ball", "all done", "diaper", and "kiss" now- we are unsure of he understands those yet.

Barrettes and a "girly" stroller. Whatever.
Gender-Free Agenda: Rowan lives in a gender-free world and wears clothes and accessories assigned to any gender. He also has gear that is typically "girly" in most people's eyes and sometimes he even gets called a little girl in public. Whatever.

He also has some new toys that I think are important: a doll and a play purse. The doll I had made for him because I wanted a boy doll that was anatomically correct AND intact, like he is. In my quest, I found boy dolls with no genitalia and boy dolls with circumcised genitalia, but not exactly what I wanted. So I had it made. It is adorable and he loves it, especially biting its cute button nose. The purse is a toy that I found in a toy store after having Rowan carry around my purse and play with it. He obviously wanted one of his own. It's a cute colorful one that comes with a fabric cell phone, fabric play money and wallet, and a little mirror compact (fabric as well). In my opinion, children need toys that help them sort out the world- toys that mimic what adults do (brooms and dustpan, costumes, play food to prepare, and yes- purses) and dolls to help them learn how to relate emotionally to others and have confidantes. I want my son to be an empathetic compassionate person, and he may be a father one day. A doll is a perfect way to help him get started on both roles.

Developing Autonomy: He wants to do most things for himself these days- if we are eating a meal, he wants us to hand him the food piece or put it on his tray. How dare we put it in his mouth for him! And he hates when he is not in control of his body (like when we dress him, wipe a runny nose, or change his diaper) and fights us every step of the way, LOUDLY. He is his own person with his own ideas of how his world should be. It's adorable and we apologize when we must fuss over him in this way.

Co-Sleeping: Rowan has only ever slept in his crib for 10 minutes (we had a co-sleeper bassinette attached to the bed). He was so upset from that experience (I believe that it reminded him of being in the NICU, alone) in his first few hours home that I put him into bed next to me where he snuggled and was able to smell me and he has slept with us ever since. It has worked out quite well, although soon, he will need his own short bed. He is almost a toddler! So we plan on shopping soon for a convertible crib/toddler bed/twin bed/full bed combo to get in the new year.

Vaccinations: Rowan still does not have any vaccinations, and won't until at least a year of age, if then. I know this issue brings up a lot of intense feelings on both sides of the debate and I am doing my best to remain impartial and objective and read as much as I can about it. Needless to say, there are so many problems that I have read about (and yes, I know the autism research was faked- I am talking about other health problems), that I am wary. So I continue to educate myself about it. No decisions need to be made now.

Punkin Patch!
Being Gentle: Rowan is an enthusiastic child, and we encourage that wildness. However, we have done a couple things that I think are confusing to him now that he is stronger and capable of hurting someone. We would, in play, nibble him- which he tries to do now when being playful and loving- but he does it hard sometimes- we are talking all-out biting- WITH TEETH. Ouch.

The other thing that is confusing him is we taught him that good enthusiasm is equated with clapping ("yay!") and now he "claps" ON things he likes and is having fun with- which is to say- he hits them repeatedly, over and over. I am fine when it is a toy, not so fine with it when it is a person or animal. So we are trying to explain the nuance and teach him what gentle touches are like. It is slow going. I think I am going to have to channel my inner thespian and cry to get his attention or something- cuz when we say "no", he laughs. While I am glad that he does not understand to fear someone if they are stern, it does make for a conundrum getting your point across. When we say "gentle" and use his hand to stroke what he just hit, he'll do that for a while, then it's back to hitting. Sigh.

Getting Around: He is a mobile baby- and boy can he move fast! He can crawl so fast we have to jog to catch up and it will no doubt be soon that he is walking. He already crawls to furniture, only to pull himself up and stand there (and sometimes dance). He has taken one step already, but usually he falls to his butt and starts to crawl if you ask him to come over. We hope that soon he'll be walking- after all, he's getting heavy!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Tangible Witchcraft/Craft for Kids: Seasonal Altar (for Winter)

Helping kids understand the meanings of the sabbats can be assisted by building a seasonal altar (that you can keep and decorate year round!). At the core of all pagan traditions is a reverence for the earth and its cycles. Having a seasonal altar that reflects those cycles and the turning of the wheel can help kids understand in a tangible way how they are connected to this planet and to everything on it.

Rowan will be having an altar like this of his own very soon (when he is old enough to handle things without gleefully smashing them). I imagine that when he is out and about and finds an object that he is drawn to, it will be placed there. Flowers in the spring, shells and rocks from the beach in summer, fallen leaves in the fall, and dead twigs in the winter- all can take their place on his special altar.

Using this tool to teach kids the Craft can be gloriously easy, yet profound: when it is time for the wheel to turn to a new sabbat and season, we can talk about things that would be good for placement on the altar. As we talk about different concepts, we place a tangible anchor to that idea or symbol on the altar. We can have things on this altar that explain both the season and the sabbat that falls in it.

Seasonally, we can have things on the altar the symbolize darkness and its sacredness, life going on in spite of cold and dark, hibernation, the coming back of the light (starting at Yule) and plants and other things that symbolize this time of year (pinecones and other evergreen things). Sabbat-wise, at Yule we celebrate the return of the son/sun and the coming of the light after the longest night of the year (fairy lights or candles (if your child isn't old enough- there are great LED candles to use at most craft shops). The Holly King (this would be on your altar from earlier in the year) makes way for the Oak King (day after Yule). Perhaps a gorgeous gold sphere could be covered in a black cloth, and the day after Yule it is unveiled. The ideas are only limited by your imagination.

How do you teach your kids about the Wheel and its sabbats?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Parenting Philosophies

I was a hard to raise child- just ask my parents. Yes, I was the oldest, so they did not have experience under their belts to realize that my phases were pretty normal, but I gave my parents a run for their money, to be sure.

I experienced the world in a different way, and I knew that I was different (and so did everyone else). Kids treated me differently, bullied me, or thought I was "weird" and shunned me. Parents assumed that I was a "bad influence", even before I rebelled in any way and was trying really hard to fit in. I've always stuck out like a sore thumb, and now I've made my peace with that. I know why I was different (several reasons, not just one!) and that people were afraid of strange little me in my small town.

This makes me very sensitive to how I raise Rowan and the choices that I make that affect him. I want him to feel included in family decisions- I will take the time to explain things to him and listen to him when he has questions or concerns. I remember very distinctly remembering that my voice did not matter as child- I was "just a kid" and therefore my opinion did not count. I will avoid that with Rowan.

He is a member of this family and his opinions matter. I want him to learn to be articulate and form ideas and be able to express them well. That starts at home.

I will also avoid another thing that caused me anguish a kid- deciding what activities he gets to do for him. I clearly remember that the things that I wanted to do (more girl scout camp, playing the drums) were not as important as what my parents wanted me to do (softball, playing guitar and piano and flute). I knew that I was disappointing them in some way when I did not want to do what they wanted me to do. Their agenda for me did not allow full exploration of my interests and set me up for being a constant disappointment to them. Of course, I have preferences for my son (I'm not really into sports, and would love a creative child- either musically or visually), but I have decided to let his interests be the thing that guide us to his activities. This is his life, not mine.

I also remember my grandmother (who lived with us during my childhood and was often my caretaker while my parents were at work) was not a very patient person. If we interrupted her "stories" on television or were too loud or boisterous, we were exiled outside or whipped. My grandma believed in having us pick out our own "switch" from the pussy willow tree behind the garage. She would then whip our legs with the switch we brought to her until they were red and welt-y. We learned very quickly that her threats were not idle and avoided her whenever we could.

I do not believe in using violence to discipline a child, but more than that- I do not want to be someone that my son fears. I want him to feel like he can come to me for advice, for solace, for help, and with questions. I want him to approach me to play while he is at an age that he would like that. Playing with my son is a delight- and if that means setting aside adult work for a little while, so be it.

I will not let my adult agenda determine my son's childhood.

The pictures on the left have always struck me- they are a comic I saw years ago, and cut out and mounted on cardboard and have been on my fridge ever since. My son will not experience the robbing of his childhood like the poor boy on the left.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Witch Mom Forums: Religion and Spirituality

We are having a fascinating conversation over in the Witch Mom forums. We are attempting to define for ourselves what is religion, what is spirituality, and how we identify. Since we are a diverse bunch, we have discussed so many perspectives!

We have talked about the religions that we grew up with, our current ones, science, the nature of the universe, Stephen Colbert, Catholicism, Heathenism, Witchcraft, what Gods are, monotheism vs. polytheism and pantheism, the Orisha, Loyal Rue, and so much more! It is a juicy topic- one I hope you will join!

While I have your attention, remember also to Ask Me Anything- but remember that there is a character limit to your questions- sometimes if you don't edit yourself, the last part of your questions get cut off.