Scott Stockert, a man from North Dakota who is known to himself as “Jesus Christ,” was arrested after police received a tip that he’d traveled to Washington, D.C. with the express purpose of kidnapping First Dog Bo Obama. A fact that is deeply embarrassing for the Obamas’ other dog—you know the one.

When Stockert/Christ was finally apprehended, he was discovered with two unloaded firearms, ammo, a machete, and a billy club. At the time of publication, it is unclear exactly what sort of fight he expected the fluffy dog to put up.

According to NBC News, court documents “don’t specify why [Stockert] allegedly wanted to dognap 7-year-old Bo.” Though he did, claim that “his parents were John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe and that he came to the capitol to announce his campaign for president and advocate for a $99 per month healthcare plan.”

Which, all things considered, really is a very good deal.

[h/t NBC]

Contact the author at Image via Pete Souza/White House.