A Brief Calm

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Today was quieter than the last few days. That's an odd thing to say, but I feel like today was the first day where I didn't feel like the walls were constantly closing in on me. Today the walls felt like they were tightly pressed against my body, but weren't squeezing.

I'm pretty much out of the snacks and food I've collected so far. The incident with the vending machines keeps running through my mind. It's had not to kick myself about leaving the bag of snacks behind. I need to make an excursion into the ruined lobby and salvage whatever I can, but the control center is so compromised at this point. I've been trying to scout and barricade today to get a better grip on what I can and cannot safely access.

I have access to 7 rooms and hallways from the command room without having to enter in a compromised area. A few dinos are getting in now. Mostly compys, but I also have caught a few stray raptors exploring into the edges of the building. Most of the barricades I put up earlier in the week are now wrecked. I haven't figured out if that's raptors digging around, or possibly just from the traincrash yesterday. I'm trying to establish the fastest routes to key points in the building from the command room: the lobby, the garage, the roof, the loading dock and back exit. This way if and when I decide to venture to these places, I have clear escape plans if I'm cornered.

There's also piles of raptor shit in a few of the rooms, which is just great. With as hot it is and multiple rotting dino carcasses outside, it already smells to high hell everywhere. I've taken to wearing a shirt around my face as a mask, it helps a little.

Another note, I've noticed the buidling has a slight buf definite tilt now. If you drop a pencil on the floor in an east-west hall, it will roll all the way to the end. I assume this is related to the crash. I am constantly praying the building doesn't suddenly collapse on me.

In my recon today, I realized I currently still have access to the womens' locker room, which I had not previously considered. The showers even still work, which is an idea that both excites and terrifies me to consider. I searched the lockers that weren't locked, with little results. Mostly clothes, and some shoes that don't fit me. I could bring some sort of tool to pry open the locked lockers with, but it seems like a lot of work for not much payoff. I did find a journal in one of the lockers. It doesn't have a name in it, and I can't read their handwriting too well. They write about getting accepted to grad school and leaving their job at the park. I'm guessing they were a zoologist or animal handler, from some other scraps I could read.

I keep telling myself that surely some of these people must still be alive. Surely some people escaped on one of the boats or the helicopter. But, it's hard to believe that. Maybe part of me doesn't want to believe that because then they escaped and I'm just stuck here, waiting to get eaten.

I saw Eli out of the corner of my eye again today, in the locker room. This has happened a few times now, but I haven't written about it. It seemed like just a fluke at first, but I keep seeing him. Eli was one of only maybe 3 other maintenance workers than spoke decent English, and even though he was 15 or so years older than me, he was probably the closest thing I had to a friend here. We would go up to the roof of staff housing and smoke cigarettes and talk about stupid stuff. I don't really smoke much at all, but Eli smokes like a chimmney. He would hide packs of Malboro Reds in nooks and crannies where he had regular maintenance routes so he could sneak a quick break when no one was looking. Sometimes he would pull a secret pack out around me and hand me one and it'd be just like sneaking away to smoke back in high school.

I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye. He died the day of the incident. We were both running from the food court area to get to here. Raptors took him. I didn't have time to look back except for maybe a second. I don't think I could've helped, but it's hard not to wonder.

I found one of Eli's packs of cigarettes on top of the lockers, way back against the wall. Pretty dusty, it had been there a while. It has 3 cigarettes in it still. Maybe I will try to smoke one tonight. Maybe it would help me sleep.

I haven't spent that much time with the radio lately. It's depressing. No one can hear me. I may need to admit that the only person who can get me off this island is me. I can't really think about planning an escape right now, though. Tomorrow morning I'll see if I have it in me to try to take a shower.