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15 April 2004 Thursday

i've been thinking (--it's not the first time it's happened)

slated in moments, mused at 7:02 pm

i played one game of tetrinet yesterday (a game I adored, and haven’t played in ..two-three years?) with old friends i haven’t seen in… almost two years? it was happy all around. ‘though there were people missing.

been thinking lots of things lately and today.
i think my not feeling well-ness recently has been—at least partially—a fair amount of (extra+?) stress. —but that doesn’t have so much to do with the thinking things lately, actually. things i’ll note, very briefly:

i really do like (especially green, lately) seedless grapes.

people are not equal. they’re just not. one of the best ways i think we deal with this, is that some of us choose to believe that every person is born into their respective lives very purposefully. the child with abusive parents, the old man who dies without family or caring friends, the woman enslaved to entertain others through her torture-wrenched pain. circumstances. but deliberate circumstances, if you believe in karma, or predetermination. but human beings are not each born equal to each other. and do not lead equally painful / carefree / comfortable / humiliating / educating / heart-aching / etc.etc.etc. lives.

today i came across the statement that “the world is dying.”

for some reason, maybe the timing in my life, or in my day, or whatever less reasonable reasons, the sentiment irked me. the actual feeling it evoked from me was.. i guess a mixture of disdain and offendedness. “the world is dying”?? there are some terrible terrible things going on in the world. the environment is not being treated very sustainably. and the humaneness of humanity (humanity of humanity) certainly is a questionable thing —but that has been true on one level or another throughout our known history of “sentience” on this planet. when i was younger, maybe seven years old or so, i was constantly being told that someone i knew wasn’t well, and was dying. some 15 years later, they’re as wrong about it as i always felt they were. but you can encourage death by insisting that it’s there. something like how you can make a ghost real through thinking about it. the thing is (back to this planet dying stuff), this world isn’t dying. look at that sun! the other day’s rain! my mother smiling at me when i came home! my brother singing in the shower, my computer connected to millions of computers around the world, people reading and writing books and painting and singing and running and picking flowers and stepping on insects and hunting deer and driving high-emission vehicles and shooting men and enhancing nuclear weapons and… is that what everyone’s talking about? is that the “planet is dying” stuff they insist on? i understand the sentiment. i’ve expressed it before. the thing is, the planet isn’t dying. we’re certainly making things much worse for ourselves than they could be/would be/should be, but to say that the planet is dying… for whatever reason, again, that upsets me today. the planet could be blown to bits at any moment, yes. but so could you. are you dying? maybe. we’re always getting older. and as far as i know, we haven’t yet figured an alternative to morality. so we’re all going to die. but i think i would be unhappy/offended to hear someone tell me that i am dying. it implies a lack of hope to me. and a discardation/disregard for all the life that does exist. (probably didn’t help my outlook on any of it that the statement was made in religious context: “Only one who has risen can save a world that is dying.” grrrrrr. so much for appreciation and faith in humanity. i ask you, is that grateful? all that glitters is not glory. that’s my general thought on that. i’d write more, but more or less of my point is out (however poorly-formed and -written). and when am i going to get my nap in, today?

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