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Monday, May 7, 2012

The (un)desirable and (un)wanted girls…

The desire of a male child leads to brutal killing of Afreen
and Falak, clearly stating the message that you are not wanted here. A 23-year-old
woman gets gang-raped in Gurgaon and our super active government comes with a
solution in no time- NO women on streets after 8 pm.

Fortunately if you can
survive the foeticide, infanticide then unfortunately get ready to be raped. Women are assaulted
at will and raped frequently even after marriage by their husband. Many countries
have made spousal rape a criminal offence, not India. It is treated only as a
form of noncriminal domestic violence and accepted as husband’s right.

Being late out at night, drinking, talking, dressing, which
is normal for a guy, if done by a girl, surprisingly becomes a perfect
invitation for getting raped! It needs some strange extraterrestrial logic to
explain this. I guess our police have something to explain here:

“If girls don’t stay within their boundaries, if they don’t wear
appropriate clothes, then naturally there is attraction. This attraction makes men
aggressive, prompting them to just do it.”

“You cannot drive alone at 2 am on Delhi’s
roads and then claim that the Capital is unsafe. You should take your brother
or driver with you. These reasonable precautions are expected to be taken by
all citizens of the city.”

BK Gupta

Delhi Police CommissionerQuite a reasonable precautions! Add one more – only couples to
be allowed in the club must be siblings.

I mean what kind of biological phenomenon is this that a normal
guy turns into a sex-crazy animal ready to rape any possible approachable female. And
then what kind of law is this that blames women for this heinous crime. And then
what kind of humans are we, tolerating this entire nuisance in the society.

In our country a female baby is killed by drowning, force
feeding, abandoning and even burying alive. Our country’s capital is called the
rape capital; where she is not safe even with her husband; where she cannot
move freely and dress liberally. This isn't a sorry state of women, its the sorry state of men.

I feel sad when a girl passing by me and refuses to see into
my eyes avoiding the so called wrong signal of, “inviting to rape”. I feel ashamed
to be considered just another lewd lecherous guy by her. It is a distressing
feeling to live in a society which makes some stupid postulation that the girl’s
pride is above her life and then the same society rapes that pride off just to
prove the point. Why do we need these proponents of gender equality, why do we
need these women right commissions, why do we need special agencies to protect
their rights, why do we need convoluted laws to give them justice? And we call
our system liberal with equal rights to all, what kind of liberalism is this?

Yes, indeed they are undesired and unwanted at the time of
their birth and if by chance they are into this world they are desired and
wanted by these lecherous and obnoxious mentally ill men, who have lost their
morality along with sanity.

28 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Hi Chirayu,

I am not exactly your friend, but I am on your friend list on Facebook and have met you few times as well. But still I am choosing to be anonymous for some reasons. I'll let you know about this reason in last part of my comment.

I have read this argument many a times which u too have put here again that women should not be blamed for rape crimes just because they were not wearing conservative dresses or they were too late out in the night. I completely agree to your argument. I also strongly favour that women should have the liberty to dress or to roam around freely, as they want to be.

But tell me as a prospective father to your children (boy or girl) tomorrow - what would you advice them while going out at nights at some party places (where usually guys are drunk) or while they'll be coming back from office or from some other place ?

Well, if I have to answer this I will say - "Take care while you are outside ... don't roam around much late in the night - as there may be some bad people who can harm you." And this will apply to both my son and my daughter as well. Other than rape (which is normally girl specific ) - they can rob them of their money or may be some drunk guy driving a car can hit them on road Chances of such events increases more in the night time.So I will always advice them (even strictly) that yes you guys have freedom to do whatever you want, but DO Take Precautions. It is the same way when someone advises women to have some knife etc in her bag for such bad guys. And thats what I have grown up listening from my own parents.

My logic is that showing my courage by enjoying my freedom at night, doesn't going to change the attitude of bad guys out there. So shouldn't we take some precautions for ourselves. Changing the attitude of society is a subtle process which will take time. So whats wrong if someone advices a women to take some precautions for her own safety.

This applies to women more not because she is weak but because rape chances are more for them and if something like this happens to her she'll be devastated for lifetime. And I am not saying this because our society treats a raped women like she is some criminal herself, but I am saying this because rape is psychologically a very very bad experience for any individual. If tomorrow rapes of boys start increasing much, the same precautions will apply to them as well !

The administration is doing the same. It is advising the women to take precautions and at the same time they are trying to improve law and order situation. There are various cases where police has shown the positive response in such cases as well. But they can't be available at every place.

And again there are many cases where girls themselves decided to choose the wrong guys ! If a girl trusts a guy without much knowing about him and then she becomes victim of such crimes - agree that she should not be further blamed for this crime, as she has already suffered a big trauma. But can't we even advise other girls to at least know much about the guy before trusting him blindly .. to at least have some precautions ? Is it wrong ?

Now the reason why I am anonymous - because the moment I put this argument before any liberal minded people - they start accusing me that you are of backward mentality .. and comments like that. And no one even tries to listen rationally to my argument.

Go through my comment once more and think about it. I hope I have made some sense.

When a human go to a jungle with full of wild animals - it is always advisable to take precautions .. like be in a group of people, don't go in night etc. Because the wild animals they just need an opportunity to attack humans - they don't go into the logics. What humans can do is - take some precautions.

Of course it is a matter of great shame that our human society is full of such pathetic animals who just need a excuse for raping a girl - but then we can at least take some precautions, before our society grows up to a more human level !

I m in no way justifying the existence of such animals in our society but then I can't think of any solution which will turn our society immediately into a place where each women is treated with respect. Till that time, I think we all need to take some precautions.

Hi Anonymous friend,Indeed my point was to send across the message that we need a society devoid of monsters, which you have also strengthened by your arguments.

Good to see that you took time to put your perspective. And i am happy to see that I was able to convey my message. If I am a father of a boy I will make sure that everytime he goes out, I will advice him to behave humanly. and yes in current situation I will advice my daughter to behave carefully.

I feel its time for bad guys to change, we do not need them anymore.

I will not compare robbery to rape.

I appreciate your viewpoint, what you said would have made equal sense to me even if you would have written in your name.

And you are right change will take time, but hope that time comes soon... :)

And yes I agree (infact already stated it before as well) Rape is not comparable to robbery .. and that is why we tend to ask girl 'only' to have more precautions.

Also I read your Tehlka link on facebook. I had put a statement in my first comment that "administration is doing the same"I would like to clarify for further readers of my comment that my this statement and the one in the Tahlka link are two different point of views.

I don't agree with the Police as quoted in the Tehlka story -

1. They say that almost 90% rapes are consensual sex but gone bad later. Although yes ground realities are always different than what we read in newspaper, but then I can't believe that there are very rare cases of actual rape in NCR region. The incidence of actual rape would be very high than what police wants to believe.

2. Police says that they dress up to invoke others - so that they do rape them. I strongly condemn this statement. As a part of young generation I know we all (boys and girls) tend to dress up to look beautiful/smart, to get some more attention/appreciation in our "friend circle". So this in no way means that a girl is inviting anyone to rape her, not even someone in her friend circle !

A girl may want to have sex with a particular boy (which is in the same way a boy may want to have sex with a particular girl) .. and for this girl may try to attract that particular boy (like a boy tries to flirt with a girl to gain her attention) .. but that doesn't mean that this gives a license to anyone, even that particular guy to rape that girl.

But then girl on her part should consider a little about her dress/timings/taking drugs etc, if she is going to be in a place alone where there may be some drunk unknown lecherous guy. And at the same time Police should be more vigilant and strict to deal with such cases. That is what my whole point is. Freedom is never absolute. It comes always with some reasonable restrictions !

In our society we are still not that much open for sex related issues. Unlike western society, where sex is more taken as a natural need for people, we still think of it as a taboo. And that is also a reason why these things tend to be complex even in friend circle sometimes ! (though yes in western model too there are some flaws)

I would be happy if some more people come to read my comments and give their feedback regarding my views.

respected anonymous sir,let me introduce you to the counter anonymous...:)...please don't mind my grammer..as for the thoughts you will be forced to mind....we are focusing on male to keep humanity...we are blaming the system for the rapes....and not the women....just b,cause we want to kill the mentality of rape....suppose we do according to your advice and let women are ready to be carefull and defend themselves...will rape stops....no...never...offcourse it will diminishes but doesn't extinct.....here we are trying to unroot this curse....and that can will only be ensured by distillation of mentality....girls never say rape me...and what do think thats all b,cause their attire....no it is the work of devil....there are many cases of raping child girls....nuns...village girls....i think their outfit will not be the reason behind that....as of the being alert is concerned...will you like to keep gun in your house or you like to have no terrorist at all....woman can't be blamed....as of being adviced...they got lot of that through out their life....also...as a father surely we will advice both boy and girl to do the right things....and any father will be embraced to have their child drunked and gone ashtray....but this type of offence can be corrected but could you correct a rape..!!dear frnd girls are being taught over the limit...let them have the right to liberty...its true they are not so good at handelling it...but let them try..doesn't they have been guided enough...let them learn on their own....if you want to do some good to them watch them....help them before they fall...doesn't take advantage of their liberty...their liberty is still in its ADOLESCENCE...hope i m expressive....:)

Thanks for commenting and I really didn't mind your reply. However I think you didn't get my point when I asked to imagine as a prospective parent. The line by you which I am putting below were not in sync with my comment -

"also...as a father surely we will advice both boy and girl to do the right things....and any father will be embraced to have their child drunked and gone ashtray....but this type of offence can be corrected but could you correct a rape..!!"

We all agree that rape can't be corrected .. thats why as a guardian or well wisher of my daughter I will adivse her more strongly to take precautions. Also taking precautions is NOT equivalent to putting restriction on freedom. Won't you as a father or mother would adivse your daughter to be little careful during nights .. won't you ask them not to go out with drunk guys ?

I also whole heartedly agree that we need to attack the mentality of boys to uproot this cause, but it will take some 100-200 years before we'll see appreciable change. Till then shouldn't we also make efforts to keep our girls safe ? And at the same time we also trying to strengthen the administration so that such crimes go down. Also at the same time we'll have to teach boys more strong moral lessons. These all three things have to go hand in hand.

I agree that let the girls learn at their own, they are already over advised ... but then if somehow in this particular case, some girls fail to learn at their own .. its cost may be another rape. By advising them others are only helping them in their learning .. And I m saying only advise them, but don't put any restrictions on them. Let them choose what is right for them.

And at the same time, advise should not be taken as a symbol of any backward mentality. Today even if some parents say something for children's own good, they tends to ignore it in name of their freedom rights. A lot many boys defy their parents, but unlike girls in boy's cases, if something wrong happens, boys don't have to go through rape. So thats why parents tend to advise girls more and girls should at least listen to the parents if they are saying something good for them.

I too wa my daughter to enjoy as much freedom as my son, but more than that, I won't be able to see if something wrong like rape happens to her. Society will change gradually and till then all three things (explained before) will go hand in hand.

P.S. - Here is the link to the story which was put by Chirayu and I too have referred it in one of my comments - http://www.tehelka.com/story_main52.asp?filename=Ne140412Coverstory.asp

I just read a comment on facebook - somebody describing it as fight b/w anonymous vs anonymous.

Well I would like to say its not fight first of all, since we all agree for the end goal - there is no doubt about. Its just about some apsects of our approach which is also common in two respects ie strengthen law and install strong moral values in boys. The third one that whether girls should be advised or not - there is slight difference with my opinion.

Also there is no doubt about the fact that we should not curtail the freedom of girls .. again repeating that Advising someone is NOT equivalent to curtailing his/her freedom.

I too blog sometimes but then if I had put these things on my blog then I was afraid of too much bashing and things would have turned to ego fights rather than healthy discussion. Thats why I am anonymous and as Chirayu's blog has good number of reader, so I guess I can get some neutral arguments in response to my views. So please don't see it as fight or something !

now i got that you are concerned with immediate steps and also that you are not denying our purpose also....you just want to add some more steps...like cleaning our home first....i m agreed with you...and the steps mentioned by you are also taken, its other thing that they were not preffered....and i think that other points like changing the mentality and the system....are more important and thus should be given more prefference.as for the improving the morals of girls are concerned...many article and notices...has been published in many newspapers....and beside basic advices they are provided with many equipments like...sprays...karate classes etc..it is true that they should be motivated towards these things....you are right if you are urging for their awareness....to kill that devil certainly we have to be prepared and attack from every end......but if we talk about whom to blame.....we can't blame girls.if they are unattentive,careless,or uninformed...that doesn't mean that they want us to do the wrong deed.being careless will lead you to death in an road accident...b,cause there was not enough time to think.....but what if a girl gone careless in front of us....we always have enough time and sense to judge whats right and whats wrong.....therefore....for rape cases women can't be blamed...teaching is better option than blaming....its always better to find a SOLUTION than to give the ANSWER.....

i m totally agreed with my anonymous brother about the misunderstanding of our so called fight....its not that but its other way round....actually we are learning from each other..and thats i think is what counts more in life.....:)

"That everyone who advises girls doesn't mean that they are blaming girls for rapes."

I also condemned the statement given by some police officers because they were more blaming the girls rather than advising others.

But what happens these days that even if someone tries to advise a girl in these matters - it is either taken as that they are blaming the girls itself for rape or it is seen as attack on girls freedom or seen as a symbol of backward mentality .. which is not right !

i think chirayu....that as the other anonymous has said(lets not treat him as rapist....after all he put good points which can't be ignored...at all...and dares...so that we got chance to analyse the topic from both sides...)....we should advice girls to take precautions till we are able to change the mentality....,don;t take his word as blame to girls and also dont compare him with those bloody policemen...its not about blaming....its like be carefull till the job is done....m i right mr. anonymous...?..i think now the matter really is how to tackle it....as i have said earlier..we need solution....not answer....:)

ohh i doesn't mean that it was just...i think it would have been better if i had put a ( :) ) with that sentence....:)..dear that was without any offence....yes the solution lies within ourselves...but beside...introspection...we can share the actions that can be taken....like i think it will be right to remove black film from car's windows...and pubs should have a good watch over their costmer...

Agree that a guys has no right to rape a girl even if girl is drunk or on drugs (I think u meant this only)... for that I said that we need to install strong moral in boys. And the blog posts like these does send the same message. But again change will take time ... till that time its better if girls can take few precautions and avoid such things. Girls do have liberty to have drinks/drugs etc but then they can be a little more careful about their environment/company.

For instance there is one comment in Tehlka story by a police officer -

"If a girl asks for a birthday party and is alone with 2-3 boys and sees they are drinking, she knows what is likely to happen. When she herself goes for such a party, she can’t complain of rape. How can you call it rape if she is sitting and drinking with them? You are a student and have brain of your own. Why are you going out with them?"

In this case ofcouse a guy has no right to rape the girl, but girl could have avoided this trauma easily had she chosen the right persons or decided not to join them at the first instance. If I can avoid easily going into a lion's den, why should I go then ?

Now I am not generalizing that all the rape cases could have avoided if girl had taken such precautions, but then certainly a few can be avoided. This is evident from the many cases reported in newspapers. And yes there are many more cases when girls have no fault of their but still they have to go through such inhumane experience !

Again clarifying this doesn't mean that I am blaming the girl here, I just want other girls to be more careful while exercising their freedom.

And yes as the Anonymous-3 has interperated me right. Thanks for understanding my point.

And precisely Anonymous-3, we need Solutions .. I also can vent out my frustrations about these rape crimes by saying that the mentality of boys is wrong and it needs to be changed, which is correct, but before that will happen, I also have to ensure that no more girls should go through such trauma anymore and that needs some practical steps taken by girls along with efforts of adminstartion and police.

a..i think we are two there is no one else as anonymous...beside ourselves...and chirayu is known to both of us...:).....what about putting a compulsary course in indian education system...'how to interact'....maximum....girls and boys dont know how to interact each other till they cross the age of i think aprox....20yrs....they keep guessing and fantasying...about each other...they starts doing thing secretly and thus god knows how much misconceptions they create about each other....

aint women getting raped in the day? who are these bad guys?dont good guys also turn bad when the animal inside them is uncontrollable?forget about partying and drinking in the night, is a woman safe walking in a saree during the night?is a woman safe inside her own house? aint there more cases of rape wid women who belongs to family where short clothes aint even allowed?

instead of advising our sons or daughters about why not to roam around late in the night or patying, wouldnt it be better if we upbring our kids in a manner where they learn to respect a woman whether drunk or sober?

Why would you want to connect rape with nightlife? why only partying and drinking?

The rape happens any and every hour of the day. Do you intend to say that drinks and short clothes after 8 invites rape or rapists?

Is it really a crime for a girl to wear short clothes?

Men can get drunk and do whatever and women are aske to wear sarees and hide inside their houses.

We can have men raoming topless on roads and women cant even wear short clothes. men roam on the beaches in VIP underwears disgustingly and women are asked to cover themselves so that no one oggles.

we are indeed a male oriented and dominated society and it is very sick!

Yes, we need proper sex education in our system. But we do have moral science in our curriculum, which I guess is not helping much. And as I said before and the anonymous guy above also believes, the change lies withing, we should be responsible enough to not to do these things, society will change. And yes our society is not exemplary, but if we want we can make one. I still believe in fact that society should not be such, that girls have to be concerned about rape while going out.

Phew, Chiryau, you are fighting a strong battle for us women!!! Thank you!!! Yes,we have the right to wear what we please, go out whenever and yes, it is sad state of affairs that I cannot do what I choose to--having known many many women who were raped and suffered incest and having been molested myself--not only am I scared of the dark outside and the bars, I am scared of the well-lighted home, a doctor's chamber, a sophisticated office interior, a nice-looking car--fear stalks everywhere, even when you are fully clothed and with no makeup.

This is what I feel about what you wrote. May be I'd seem swaying away from the issue of rape in my reply, but it's just an attempt to verbalize what I feel about such problems/issues from holistic viewpoint. It might sound a bit brash, impractical, and may be censuring to you, but my intention is not :P. Though I might also be faulty at places but I have written it according to my present level of awareness and understanding of life.

Having read this article, I could understand two things - 1. It's again about accusing and cursing the society for it's evils, this time rape 2. It panics and frightens me, both as a girl and boy, about the plight situation of this world without giving me an insight into the root cause of why someone rapes, and what as an individual, I can do about it.

I feel the changes you desire can not be brought at societal level by imposing a suppressive discipline on people, be it the restriction of girls not going out after 8 PM or urging men, again and again, to be controlled and contained in their sexual desires. How can you change society? It don't even exist in physical form. It's just a concept created by our mind. It's just a name give to accumulation of us with all our positive (e.g. love, compassion, trust) and negative qualities (e.g. anger, hatred, anguish) and what you want is to morph it into something better like an industrial batch process. That's not possible. You can't even hold all the negativities together, so how can you modify it.

I feel that change can happen only at individual level, by us growing in our awareness, understanding our mind's functioning, getting out of that consuming mind's momentum which enslaves us everyday, by getting aligned to our natural make up, and by being more connected to the life-force or existence. Then only a balance can be manifested and world can become a better place. (or May be world doesn't have to be a better place. It's just a mindful wish of ours, not the intention of life :P).

We as individuals need to take a decision and change our attitude towards getting more connected to natural/higher intelligence, which is unquestionably and unarguably larger than our mind's intelligence. It orchestrates the whole universe after all :). Only then we would be able to put forth decisions/solutions consciously to the society/humanity unlike our leaders/politicians/social workers who keeps pushing solutions originating totally from their conditioned, pattern-based, lack-based mind. I feel that before starting the journey of changing society, we must embark on the journey of understanding/changing ourselves.

Coming to reason of why someone rapes, I shall not delve deeper into psychology, but somewhere I know that it's another form of negativity stuffed in a person and being spewed out in form of monstrous (or May be not monstrous because it's your brain/mind which is assessing. Life doesn't assess. :P) act of rape. The same negativity could also drive someone to do other fiendish acts like robbery, murder et al. But the root cause is same, negativity, it's just manifesting itself in various forms. Size of this manifestation could be as small as getting unconsciously angry on someone or as large as raping someone.

I feel that society doesn't need a revolution. We need it as individuals!

I would also like to know, out of my curiosity, about the drive/place in you where this article came from. Is it a real situation you went through and the agony or frustration you are feeling from it? Is it the motivation coming from the fact that you are feeling sulky about the society/world around you and want to change it? Is it that you want to foray into a career of social journalism?

@anirudhI am sorry I did not get what you want to say@BhavnaI feel really sad when I hear about these things. :(@AbhishekWhat i got out of your comment is, that you too mean to say that change is needed to be brought from within. I have been emphasizing this time and again that I do not wish to compare other crimes to Rape. I also understand our society is not an ideal one. What other people have been discussing and you too will approve is that till the time our society doesn't reach the levels of higher morality or in your words higher intelligence these things wont stop. And that's what depresses me, and that's what provokes me to write. Each and every post of my blog originates from my heart and my mind supports it to write, with only one wish that if my post is able to help or change (for good) even a single person, i have done my job...

From societal, judemental, or in terms of measuring the heinousness of the act and then punishing the culprit is concerned, you won't compare various forms of crimes. But to me, holistically, they are all same, originating from the same root cause of negativity instilled in us. I feel rape comes when someone is deeply lost in the dimension of hatred in his/her mind.

Morality and intelligence are two different things to me. Morality, as I understand, is another form of imposed discipline and can not bring forth a real/authentic change.

The wish that world should reach a fancy state of ideality has been resonating since ages. But look at history, it has never been achieved. The whole past of humanity has been spent in striving/chasing that dreamt of state for world, but every time nature/life/existence infuses the bad things in world just to create a contrast, just to enjoy the play. Because only through contrast we can experience the good things in life.

For my next point, I'm skeptical, I'm still ruminating, but I'm expressing - If it depresses you, you are taking it too seriously, from the narrow viewpoint of your brain, not from the wholeness of life. If you realize the oneness of all lifeforms, you will realize that zillions of rapes/forced matings are happening everyday and life doesn't asses. And if it's provoking you, then it might again be an unconscious reaction from your brain, not a response coming from a place of wisdom.

Despite saying all this, I whole-heartedly support your INTENTION: "...with only one wish that if my post is able to help or change(for good) even a single person, I have done my job"

My last question (from anyone who reads it): Say a person has raped someone. Should he be punished severely? Should he be looked upon from the eyes of abhorrence? Should he be ousted from the society? Would you marry (if you are a girl) him even if you know he is a rapist?

P.S - By using the word wisdom/intelligence I dont' intend to question your intelligence anywhere :P- By saying all this I don't mean to support rape.

I appreciate your comment :) and its perfectly ok to challenge any of my arguments of even intelligence :)

I always believe in a positive change and will keep the hope. It's always easy to blame society etc. but to blame ourselves and work for a change. And I am not oblivion to reality, also I do understand what state we live in, what happens around.I live in a composed manner, but things like these are not acceptable to me, to my conscience. And about rape comes for hatred!!, Seems quite bizarre to me, will definitely not approve of this. I feel, Morality is not an imposed discipline, if you say self imposed I may agree, and it surely has power to bring a change.

I used hatred as an overarching term for different reasons which motivate someone to commit a rape. These reasons, as I can think of, are hatred towards opposite sex (female here), deprivation of love from closed ones and others, imbalance in expression of sexuality and bitterness and hatred towards life in general.

What I meant to say is that when the quality of hatred, as compared to other qualities - love, joy, fear, boredom, is overpowering in someone's mind he/she would be more susceptible to commit a rape.

Very well written, but I agree with anonymous, to some extent we are trying to create a utopia by imagining to alleviate all the bad things. In no way I am trying to say that those police men are right. But one have to protect herself, this can happen with you in any part of the world. There is a constant conflict between evil and good, yin and yang. The overall condition of girls in India is bad I agree, but I think the girls always invite dreadful things, by going after a wrong person. There are many views,hard to write everything here....

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Who am I?

People call me Chirayu.
I find myself everyday and everyday I am someone different. I try to give shape to my imaginations every moment. I dream, i dream a lot, and work for them, because dreams do come true.
Few words by Tantia Tope always inspire me: "Its better to live a day like a Lion than a lifetime like a sheep"
Also,
I am a B.Tech graduate from IIT Roorkee, India. Now into field of Nuclear Science. It's Physics that brings peace in my life and takes me closer to spirituality...