Welcome, friend! Are you looking to kickstart your prayer life? Be sure to check out the Teach Me to Pray Journal, in addition to the tips in this post.

Knowing how to pray is one of those things you think should come naturally, right? Especially if you’ve been a Christian for a while?

But if you’re like thousands of other people who’ve landed on this post, I bet you’ve run into the same problem: you can’t focus. You don’t know what to say or even where to start sometimes. It just doesn’t come naturally for everyone.

I’ve been praying in some capacity since I was a teen. I remember curling up in my bed at night when my life felt confusing, asking a big mysterious God for guidance and strength. I drifted in and out of a youth group and felt guilty for my lack of commitment, although I wasn’t even sure what “commitment” to him should look like. Finally I promised this God that I would go to church when I went to college.

I kept that promise and my life turned upside down. After deciding to follow Jesus I never looked back. Early on I learned that if I was going to keep this up, prayer was going to be an essential part of my life.

But here’s the thing. I suck at praying.

I say that a little tongue in cheek because at least I’m trying, and I’m pretty sure God listens to whatever jumbled mess of thoughts I throw his way. But let me give an example of what my mornings can look like…

My alarm goes off, I grumble, hit snooze a couple of times.

I finally turn on my phone and start rifling through emails and notifications, to wake up my brain. I start thinking about my day.

Depending on the day, I either read some of the Bible or go work out. Or put it off and sleep more.

At some point I turn to God like I know I should (and want to):

“Good morning God, thank you for the beautiful sunrise, thank you for guiding our family…oh I wonder how Jonathan’s cough is this morning. I’ll need to give him his medicine, but first I’ll need to make breakfast…oh no, I hope we’re not out of bread…oh sorry God, I mean, uh, please help Jonathan feel better…is he well enough to go to the library? Ugh, I really need to deposit those checks on the way home, Marc needs to sign them before he leaves…oh hi God, sorry, ummmm where was I? Ugh, I’m so tired, can’t focus…”

I could blame the stage of life I’m in, but the truth is I have always struggled with this. I’m a Type A, always planning, always ten steps ahead of where I’m at.

I have difficulty being in the moment.

When I pray, I just can’t focus.

Some people naturally pour their hearts out to God every time they turn to him. Others have to learn it through practice and habit. Guess which category I fall into.

I’ve made the mistake of assuming that knowing how to pray is a skill that everyone should know automatically, but it doesn’t quite work that way. As someone constantly grappling with grace I know that my prayer life is not something to be ashamed of, but it reflects a weakness in character that needs strengthening.

Over the years I’ve learned that there are a lot of ways to connect with God in a meaningful way. I may not be the 21st century Psalmist, but I can pray faithfully and powerfully even with my disjointed, distracted train of thought. If you relate to this, I hope you don’t feel guilty. Just know that God is listening, no matter what you try. And if you feel like you don’t know how to pray, don’t worry. It’s never too late to learn.

How To Pray When You Just Can’t Focus

Here are some simple tips about how to pray and connect with God if you struggle with consistency and focus. Also be sure check out the free journal I developed as a result of the popularity of this post, which is a part of my free resource collection.

Pray out loud

Yes, even when you’re by yourself. Or not by yourself. When I was a college student I would pretend I was on my phone while I prayed during my walk to class so people wouldn’t think I was crazy! I think of the story of Daniel. A Babylonian law forbade anyone to pray to any god but the king, yet Daniel continued to pray visibly and loudly enough to get arrested. Why didn’t he whisper or do it in his head? (See Daniel 6.) I find that when I make my thoughts verbal, they’re less likely to trail off.

Sing hymns

No need to come up with eloquent words when they’ve already been written. Don’t turn on music and zone out; say the words and mean them. I’m a fan of old-timey hymns with rich lyrics as opposed to saying “hallelujah” over and over. Get a songbook/hymnal, or print out some lyrics and try it!

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord —Ephesians 5:19

Start with the Lord’s Prayer

Sometimes there is great value in ritual. It can keep us on target. Jesus’ disciples were with him constantly and must have seen his relationship with his Father, and yet they still asked, “how do we pray?” Jesus laid a foundation in Matthew 6:9–13:

This, then, is how you should pray: ’Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’

When I don’t know what to say, I know I can’t go wrong with honoring God, asking that his will be done; asking for what I need, for forgiveness and for help through my weaknesses.

Imitate great prayers in the Bible

Just as Jesus set an example in prayer, so did many other people in the Bible. Pick one. I love Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 2:1–10 for starters.

Fast

It’s Lent as I write this so fasting is on a lot of people’s minds; however, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to get your heart and mind spiritually focused. I know that whenever I have practiced a traditional fast by giving up food, the hunger is a constant, humbling reminder that my strength comes from God alone. That helps me focus.

Pray continually

This tip is for you, parents—yeah you who don’t have more than five quiet minutes to yourselves ever. You’re probably already aware of this, but praying doesn’t have to be a formal event. God’s listening all the time. Say a quick thanks, a shout out for your friend, praise, or a request for help whenever you think of it. Nehemiah did it constantly, if you want inspiration.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. —1 Thessalonians 5:16–18

Pray with your kids

This seems obvious, but is it? I regularly forget to even pray at meals. Yet I nonetheless try to have regular times throughout the day. This practice not only for them—it helps me too. We pray when we load up the car (usually because this is stressful and I need the reset button). We pray at the beginning of our school day. We pray whenever someone is scared or sick or is being disciplined. We pray when kids throw fits and we pray when Mommy throws fits. We pray when something awesome happens and we want to thank God. We pray as a family at bedtime. These are quick and may or may not always be super heartfelt, but you know what? They add up. And what’s more, you’re teaching them how to pray!

Pray with your spouse

Sometimes this overlaps with the praying with the kids thing, but we try to spend at least some time in prayer together daily. Want to try something super humbling? Stop to pray in the middle of a fight.

Go for a prayer walk or drive

I did this a lot more before I had kids and when they were stroller size. Just thinking about it makes me want to get back in the habit. There is something about being outside that clears the mind. When you’re out walking you’re less likely to be distracted with your to-do list. Plus, there’s nature.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. —Psalm 19:1

Pray the Psalms

I remember the first time I read through the book of Psalms; I was completely bored. Yeah, really. At that time I was trying to absorb the knowledge that the Bible offered, and I was falling asleep getting through this very long collection of poetry. But years later, I love the Psalms because they have guided me in prayer on so many occasions. You know those times when your mind is a flurry and you’re either sobbing uncontrollably or you’re so numb that you can’t even do that? You want to pray but you don’t even know where to begin? Pray a Psalm. A couple of my favorites include Psalm 23 and Psalm 63.

Friends, I don’t call myself a prayer warrior, but even as I write this I feel empowered because I know that in spite of my weaknesses, I do speak and God hears my prayers. If you have a hard time focusing, I hope this lists empowers you too.

If you found these tips helpful, check out the free prayer journal in my free resource collection, which spends a week going through the teachings of Jesus. You’ll also receive a free email course about how to make prayer a daily habit:

Plus, check out my Facebook Live video on how I pray when I’m a hot mess:

Do you know how to pray when you’re having trouble focusing? What do you do?

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

The Proverbs 31 Woman—10 Myths Explained

We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be godly—that sense that you are a failure as a woman?

Oh, the “Proverbs 31 woman.” I have a bit of a fascination with her, and so do others. Ministries and businesses are named after her.

Some women love her. Many aspire to be her. Others feel guilt and worthlessness; some despise her.

Do we really understand her?

Captivating(quoted above), by John and Staci Eldredge, is all about women living to their full potential, the way God created them to be. It’s worth reading if you want to explore the heart of biblical femininity. The quote pretty much slams the near-goddess status of Mrs. 31. It says, “she has sanctified the shame.”

But has she? Or have we?

I don’t think the Eldredges’ intent was to pick apart the woman herself (this is in the Bible, after all), but rather to pick apart the common way she is perceived. And I agree that this idea of a woman who is too good for the rest of us to imitate is a false understanding of biblical womanhood.

The more I’ve dug into Proverbs 31, I’ve discovered that I was missing much of what it communicates. It is difficult to understand at face value, which is why I think so many of us have a knee-jerk response when we read it.

Want to understand this passage better, and ditch the guilt and shame? Throw out some of the following myths.

Want to do some more in-depth study? Be sure to to check out this 7-day devotional on the Proverbs 31 woman called Woman of Strength, which you can find in my free resource collection.

1. Proverbs 31 was written for young wives.

Who do you think this passage was originally written for? You might be in for a shock. It was written for a young man. It is not an instruction manual for wives; its purpose is to provide a young man a vision for what he should look for in a wife.

It makes a lot more sense when you view Proverbs 31 as what it was intended to be—an epilogue, a conclusion—rather than a stand-alone passage. Proverbs is a collection of sayings that contrast wisdom with folly; many of them are written as warnings to young men to let wisdom and godliness guide them instead of their lusts.

That’s not to say that there aren’t applications for women; why shouldn’t we aspire to the godly characteristics displayed here? But the purpose of the passage isn’t to provide an impossible standard; it’s to provide inspiration for the possibilities.

2. She was a real person (wasn’t she?).

Wouldn’t we like to know whether the person portrayed here was a flesh-and-blood being? I think it’s possible that someone, or more than one person, was the real-life inspiration for these words—otherwise, why would you instruct a man to marry an ideal woman who couldn’t exist? But on the other hand, the Proverbs 31 woman is the fourth somewhat allegorical female personage in the book of Proverbs (following Wisdom, Folly and the Adulteress). So there may have been some creative liberties in describing her, even if she was real.

If you’re wrestling with this question of whether or not she was real, my question to you is, does it matter? Sometimes the Bible uses real people to communicate truth and sometimes it uses symbols and parables. That doesn’t change the core principles of the message being communicated, which we’ll explore.

3. She has always had her act together.

When I was a newlywed I barely knew how cook. But I wanted to be great at it because I knew it would make my husband happy. One time I made blueberry muffins—my husband’s favorite—and left out the baking powder. Ewwww. Rookie mistake. I was devastated and he was bewildered as to why his wife was crying over something so trivial. Fortunately, I rarely (not never!) make that same mistake anymore.

Being a competent wife/mother/homemaker/whatever takes time. It doesn’t matter how hard you try or even how naturally talented you are; you will only learn through experience. Proverbs 31 is not a snapshot of a newlywed. This woman has been married long enough to have multiple children and run a couple of side businesses while skillfully managing her household. In other words, she’s older.

Remember, if this was written to a young man, he probably wasn’t going to go out looking for a forty-year-old with lots of life experience. He was going to be looking for someone young who had the potential to grow into that mature, godly wife. Keep that in mind as we continue.

4. She rarely sleeps.

How in the world can someone get up while it is still dark to make everyone breakfast (v. 15), and yet “her lamp does not go out at night” (v. 18)??? Certainly every mom has some sleepless nights like that, but the passage seems to imply an ongoing state.

This is where cultural insight is useful. How would you get around at night if you didn’t have electricity? An oil lamp would come in handy if you had to use the latrine. It’s common in societies without electricity to leave a lamp burning at night, even while you sleep, so people don’t have to fumble around in complete blackness (source).

So why is it significant that her lamp does not go out? Consider verse 18 in its entirety: “She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” Her side hustles are making enough money to keep everyone comfortable! She is also wise enough to ration the oil so it doesn’t run out (see the Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25).

5. Every wife and mother should aspire to live like her.

Consider this: the family in Proverbs 31 is making enough money to employ servants and have nice clothes. This is in part because of Mrs. 31’s side businesses, but it’s also evident that her husband is a man of standing the community, hanging out with the elders (v. 23). She is also in excellent health as far as we can tell.

Not everyone is blessed in these ways—with wealth, health and privilege. So would this passage not be relevant for them (most women in the world, actually)? Are you any less godly if you’re poor or in bad health? Of course not.

You have to look past the specifics and more at the principles.

6. She does everything.

Does she really “do it all”? Nope. This lady has servants.

I used to think, “Well, if I had servants, maybe I could do all of that too.” Granted, many of us in Western society have “servants” in the form of modern appliances, but if you’re dwelling on these thoughts then you’re missing the point of the passage. Most people in the world do not have servants, yet this passage is relevant for them. Again,you have to look past the specifics and more at the principles.

7. She never stops to rest.

She works 24 hours a day, seven days a week, right? Wrong!

How do I know? I’m fairly confident that someone upheld as a God-fearing woman in the Old Testament would observe the Sabbath. This didn’t mean just going to church on Sunday; this meant complete rest. No cooking. No cleaning. No gardening. No sewing. You couldn’t even walk more than half a mile! You had to sit and enjoy being with your family all day. Just imagine.

Have you ever tried observing a Sabbath like that ever, let alone regularly? While I don’t believe Christians are required to observe this old law, we probably could learning a thing or two about chilling out from Mrs. 31.

8. Proverbs 31 has no relevance for single women.

As a single woman more than a few years back, I was completely befuddled by this passage and assumed it wasn’t for me anyway. So I essentially ignored it. That was my loss.

Is this passage only for wives or only for women who want to be married? Absolutely not! Let’s start talking more about the principles of this passage, which are about character, not deeds. More specifically, “noble character.”

The only other time this phrase appears in the Bible outside of Proverbs is describing Ruth (Ruth 3:11). Who was Ruth? It’s a quick read in the Old Testament, so I’d recommend checking it out if you never have. She was a real person, she was single and she was she was dirt poor.She wasn’t trying to catch a husband; she was doing whatever she could to survive.

Hardly the same circumstances as Mrs. 31. And yet these women have identical character qualities. Single or married, we should focus on those.

9. This passage is irrelevant to the modern woman.

I hope it’s evident by now that it shouldn’t matter whether you’re rich or poor, married or single, young or old, living in modern America or in a hut in the jungle; when you’re focusing on the principles of the passage and not the circumstances,there is much to take away. These timeless, cultureless principles include love, generosity, work ethic and faithfulness.

10. We should wonder, “How does she do it?”

One question that might hinder you when you consider Mrs. 31 is, “How does she do it?” But unless you enjoy feeling insecure about your talents and stamina, that’s the worst kind of question you can ask.

We should be asking, “Who is she?” Not her name or her place in history, but what is the essence of her being? That question is the right one when we’re trying to determine the core principles of the passage. And the answer is quite simple. She is a woman who loves God (v. 30). Her character, her wisdom, her self-discipline—all of these qualities flow from this fact.

I hope you’ve found these insights useful as a you figure out who you are. Whether you’ve loved her or hated her, I also hope and pray that you can find the incredible inspiration at the core of Proverbs 31.

Want to learn more about what it means to be a woman of strength like Mrs. 31? Check out the Woman of Strength devotional, one of the many resources you’ll find in my free resource collection.

What do you think about the Proverbs 31 woman?

Do you wrestle with mommy guilt—that nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough or that you’re screwing up? Then you’re in the right place! Be sure to grab the printable download of these Bible verses in my free resource collection.

I screwed up again. My eight-year-old’s eyes spilled over in tears and he turned away, a little embarrassed. “We just did what you wanted to do, not what I wanted,” he confessed. “It wasn’t fun.”

Mixed feelings of guilt, shame and anger heated my face. I had taken him to the mall on a special outing with just the two of us to get him some new shoes and a special snack. It didn’t turn out as planned because or local mall is shutting down stores like crazy. The shoe choices and the snack options were very limited.

I was hurt that he wasn’t more thankful, yet at the same time I felt horrible that I had let him down. My efforts weren’t enough.

Mommy guilt.

It’s this condition I’ve battled with ever since I heard his first cry. This impossible question lingers constantly: Am I doing enough?

I know I’m not the only one with this issue, so I asked members of our Facebook group what made them feel guilty. The answers weren’t surprising, things like:

Banish Mommy Guilt with Scriptural Truth

It’s sneaky because in one sense, it holds just a kernel of truth: we fall short of perfection. So in that sense, no we’re not “enough” and never will be. But on the other hand, because Christ does immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, we are more than enough through all of our weaknesses.

So the next time you are wallowing in guilt, whether you legitimately screwed up or are worried that you did, meditate on these truths and put their teachings into practice.

On Confession

I’ll be honest: I did not plan on having this section when I started thinking about this topic! But the more I dug into the word “guilt” in the Bible, it was apparent that the first step to healing is confession.

So be honest with yourself, with God and with other believers about those things that are weighing on your heart.

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Proverbs 28:13

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

On Being Enough

That feeling of “not enough”? It’s a lie because Christ is more than enough. His love for you and intervention on your behalf give you a brand new start each and every time you feel “less than,” with your parenting and so much more.

Colossians 2:13–14

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.

1 John 2:1b

But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

Romans 5:1

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ…

Hebrews 9:14

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!

On Moving Forward

I think this is the hardest part for my guilty conscience to accept. I know that I am forgiven and cleansed through Christ, but the truth is I still fall ridiculously short when it comes to loving my kids.

These verses help me remember to live in faith instead of fear, anxiety and guilt. God’s grace is sufficient; he fills in the gaps where I fall short. And because of this, my heart can be at peace.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Hebrews 10:22

[L]et us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Philippians 4:6–7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Want to keep these Bible verses handy? You can access them and other Bible verses for moms! Just click below:

Leave a comment: when do you you struggle with “mommy guilt”?

This is a book review for When God Says “Go” by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, which is all about rising to challenge and change without losing your confidence, your courage or your cool. Read on to learn how you can win a signed copy!

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

My hand shook as I held my cup of water. Was my heart racing too? It was late afternoon and I wondered if perhaps I’d had a little too much caffeine.

I couldn’t focus. I was meeting my friend at a local coffee shop to talk about her, but all I could think about was myself. I was worried, replaying conversations in my head and calculating worst-case scenarios.

She sat down with her salad and looked up at me. I realized at that moment that this conversation wasn’t going to go at all the way I had planned.

It wasn’t the caffeine. It was anxiety, which was starting to boil over into full panic.

Tears filled my eyes as I decided to forget agendas and just be real. Big things were unfolding in my life. They were good things. But, they were big, scary things like moving forward in an international adoption and making weighty decisions in my writing career. I was scared.

I wish I could say that this was months ago and that I have figured out how to deal with my fears. But this was just a few days ago.

I’m still scared.

Sometimes, especially when your days are full of diaper changes, wiping noses, schoolwork help and dishes, the speed of life can feel like a crawl. But at other times you find yourself on or about to get on a roller coaster, and there will a point when it will be too late to get off.

This is what it feels like when God says, “Go.”

It just so happened that the rumblings in my life started happening right when I received this book in the mail:

When God Says “Go”

My friend Elizabeth is a funny, passionate storyteller who brilliantly looks into the Bible and brings to life what it was like for everyday people to interact with God. Through their imperfect, emotional and often comical reactions, he brought his ultimate plans to fruition.

The people we read about in the Bible are just as human as you and I. And the God who worked with them is the same one who works with all of us. Elizabeth relates their stories to everyone’s.

To be clear, a call from God today isn’t an audible command. Usually it’s a combination of circumstance, advice, biblical truth and gut feeling/Spirit prompting. (The book explains in further detail about how to clarify whether God is prompting you or whether you’re just having indigestion.)

Whether God is saying “go,” “stop,” “stay” or “proceed with caution” to you right now, Elizabeth’s deep digging into the biblical narrative has some thoughtful and encouraging insight. While there were many points that were helpful to me personally, three especially stood out.

1. It’s Not About You

I’ve noticed a trend when I hear people talk about “God’s call” for their lives (and I fall into this trap as well). We can focus a lot on what he wants for us, without spending much time thinking about what he wants, period. We can get sucked into obsessing about our own gifts and dreams and whether we’re living to our “full potential.” Those aren’t bad things to wonder about, but they’re really secondary to God’s ultimate purpose: to redeem and restore all of creation. He’ll do that with or without our help.

There were more than a couple of people in the Bible who objected when God came knocking: “But God, I’m too young/old/wounded/fearful/inadequate.” Elizabeth talks about how Moses was terrified to go back to Egypt and help free the Israelites. What’s interesting about God’s pep talk to him is that it wasn’t about how great Moses was. Instead, God said, “I will be with you.” And that was all that mattered.

As I take my big scary steps forward in the direction I think God is calling me, I already know that I will be inadequate for the task. However, this is irrelevant. I can be faithfully confident that because of Jesus’ promise in Matthew 28:20 (“surely I am with you always”).

2. It’s Normal to Have a Range of Emotions and Responses

I know there are a couple of instances of ridiculously holy people in the Bible who responded to God’s call with enthusiasm and confidence. However, there are many who did not—in fact, I’d say most didn’t.

Some people had even had triumphs of faithfulness in the past, but because of the trials and pain of life, they faltered later. Mary, Jesus’ own mother who had humbly accepted her role to give birth to the savior, later doubted and questioned Jesus’ ministry—after all she had seen in her miracle baby! The apostle Peter as well had some pretty epic stumbling, even after having walked with Jesus and given up everything to follow him.

I’ve had times in my life where I didn’t question God’s will as much and cheerfully got on board, like when I had the opportunity to do mission work in Alaska right after I graduated college. At other times I’ve been anxious, doubtful or downright rebellious about the directions God has led me. These are all normal responses and, while we have to battle through them sometimes, our emotions won’t deter God’s plans. The good news is that while we might be a hot mess, he will remain consistent.

3. Sometimes the Only Way Out Is Through

This is a message I’ve been hearing over and over again recently. By nature I avoid conflict, vulnerability and painful circumstances. I’m pretty good at side-stepping problems. But as I’ve learned the hard way, sometimes the only way to get past your fears and problems is to work through them.

Elizabeth gives the example of the story of Esther, the queen of Persia (secretly Jewish), who was living pretty comfortably until she discovered that her own husband had agreed to annihilate her entire people. Here choices were to not act and watch her people die, or act, and possibly die herself, without helping the situation.

The story, of course, ended with her courageously taking action, as terrifying as it was. And I think that’s where I am in my current situation. When there’s nowhere to go but forward, your only option is to grow.

We cannot run from these situations. Some are griefs that feel past bearing, past surviving—and yet we must bear them. The only way out is through. And in situations like this, God is saying, “Grow.” He gives us no choice but to move forward. No choice but to change (When God Says “Go,” p. 101).

Is God saying “Go” to you in some way right now? Then I’d like to give you the chance to get a signed copy of Elizabeth Laing Thompson’s latest book!

Leave a comment: how is God saying “go” in your life, and how are you responding?

Having a daily quiet time can be one of the biggest struggles for busy moms (and others!). Whether you’ve been doing it for 20+ years or you’re trying to start a brand new habit, it can be really tough digging into the Bible and praying when you’ve got kid boogers all over your shirt, bags under your eyes, and barely more than two uninterrupted seconds on any given day.

Sometimes we get into a rut not just because we lack the time, but because we lack the focus and motivation to get started.

Even when we’re motivated, however, it can still feel a bit overwhelming or uninspiring: where to even begin?

That’s why I thought it would be fun to compile a bucket list of ways you can connect with God in your personal quiet times. I see lots of posts about date ideas with your spouse; why not have some date ideas with God?

Personally, I need to mix things up sometimes. When you have your whole life to get to know someone, whether he be your earthly husband or Jesus, the same thing day after day after day can get a little dull. While there’s certainly value in routine, my husband and I enjoy taking little adventures together. I want to be that way with God.

Too often I hear people speaking with guilt about how they just can’t into this “read the Bible and pray” routine they think they should be following. If it’s not working for you, try something else; mix it up. A dynamic relationship with God does not have to fit into any particular box.

This list is for you whether you don’t know where to start or you need to rekindle your passion for God. It’s not a must-do list; these are simply ideas to help you get inspired.

Quiet Time Bucket List: 20 Ways to Build Intimacy with God

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

Studying the Bible

Have you ever tried reading the Bible from the beginning and then get stuck somewhere around Leviticus? You wouldn’t be the first! Here are some ways you can read the Bible during your quiet times that are more than just…reading the Bible.

Write the Word: It’s pretty simple. Instead of reading, why not try copying passages of scripture as you work through them? This is a good way to read the Bible and pray at the same time (gasp!). I made a little video about how I’ve been using this method in my own life:

The R.E.S.T. Method: Read. Engage. Savor. Take charge. Kaylene Yoder has a ten-day challenge to help you work through it.

Verse Mapping: If you’re scatterbrained and need things to be visual, check out this tip from Arabah Joy. You take one passage and discover new insights by drawing it out. This is a great option for we non-artistic types because it doesn’t have to be pretty!

The Color Method: Color code verses as your read them to help you visualize the message. Check out this guide to help you get started, or invent your own system.

Study Guides: Personally I think there’s a big difference between a fluffy devotional that has sprinklings of biblical teachings and an in-depth guide that helps you dig much deeper. She Reads Truth has some excellent, engaging studies.

Reading Plans: I’m a simple kind of reader, and a simple plan is helpful for me. I’ve gone through several annual Bible reading plans, which only takes a few minutes a day. I recommend trying different translations and methods. You can go straight through or use a plan the mixes it up so you’re not camped out in the, uh, less interesting parts for weeks and weeks. I’ve used The Bible App.

Study Buddy or Buddies: One of the most influential experiences in my personal faith was getting together once a week with two other women who knew the Bible better than me so they could teach me what it was all about. Maybe you don’t have someone like that in your life right now, but I’d encourage you to pray about it and just ask someone! I doubt they would say no. If you can’t meet in person, talk over the phone or even email each other!

Take a Class: It’s a pretty simple concept really; if you want to learn about something, sign up for a class, silly! Arabah Joy offers 7 Days in 7 Ways in an online course that will really help you take your Bible study to the next level with some fresh strategies. I was pleasantly surprised with how much I learned!

Memorize Verses: When Deuteronomy 6 says to write the commands on your heart, I think this is what it means. Take some notecards and write down your favorite verses and flip through them regularly. You’ll have them down before you know it…and you might just start quoting them! Check out some of the mama verses in my free resource collection if you need ideas for what verses to use.

Digging Deeper in Prayer

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I suck at praying. Well, at least I thought I did. But I’ve discovered that the cool thing about prayer is that there’s really no wrong way to do it! Here are a couple of tips to help you stay focused:

Fasting: I recently heard a sermon on the power of fasting and Oh. My. Goodness. I was challenged but inspired. You can fast as a way to humble yourself before God, to repent, to seek guidance, to ask for help, and—this is the kicker—to help you focus on God. There are a lot of ways to do it, but traditionally it makes sense to take at least a day to deprive your body of something it wants (like food, certain drinks, etc.). Try it! And try it again!

Prayer Journal: I’m obviously a big fan of this since I wrote the Teach Me To Pray guide. Prompting can help a lot. The Write the Word Journals from Lara Casey are also great resources when they’re available.

Prayer Buddy: strength in numbers, right? I learn so much when I hear the prayers of other people. Find someone you can pray with weekly—over the phone if needed!

Nature: Sometimes when I’m in a funk, I just need to drive outside of town and clear my head. Mountaintops are ideal, but if you live somewhere flat like I do, I’m sure you can nonetheless find inspiration in the beauty of creation.

Meditation: Not to go all woo-woo on you, but personally I find a lot of value in simply being quiet and listening for the Holy Spirit’s promptings. You can meditate on verses, or take in silence.

Keep a List: I like to write down all the prayer requests from my friends and family as well as the biggest items on my heart. Some places you can write it down include your planner, journal or even on a list on your phone. Bonus: since I have been in the habit, I can actually follow up with the people I’ve been praying for and ask them how it’s going!

“War Room”: First, if you haven’t seen the movie it’s definitely worth a watch. The idea is that you have a designated area of your house where you pray. In the movie they put up their favorite scriptures and prayers up around the inside of a closet. Personally, I like somewhere with a little more natural light…but do what works for you.

Embracing Your Creativity

Are you a creative type? Then use your passions and talents to connect with God! Think outside the box when it comes to your quiet times.

Sing: Even if you’re not signing a record deal, this is a simple yet powerful way to worship. Grab a hymnal, listen to your favorite artist, start a choir…do what inspires you.

Compose: I know a couple of people with this skill and I’m super jealous. Whether you write poetry, lyrics, play an instrument, sing, or all of the above, can you think of some ways to use your talent that will encourage you and others?

Guided Devotional Art: If you need more guidance or something a little simpler than Bible journaling, there are a bunch of artistic devotionals available. The Scripture Doodle six-week devotional is a great way to get started.

Kids’ Resources: Seriously, there is some phenomenal kids’ material out there that I think is helpful for adults too, especially if you want to get back to basics. In our house we are obsessed with the What’s in the Bible? series, which we stream on JellyTelly. I also highly recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible, which ties together the whole Bible narrative in an engaging and simple way.

I know there are more ideas out there so now I turn it over to you: how do you connect with God? And what’s on your quiet time bucket list?

When you’re a mom of young kids, “overwhelmed” can feel like a state of being. Since we’re constantly meeting others’ needs without always filling up our own tanks, it doesn’t take much for us to snap in anger or pass out in complete exhaustion. Encouraging Bible verses, anyone? Yes, please!

The other day I was going through an old journal and came across an entry over three years old. At the time, I had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old and an infant:

Dear God,

Today was hard. A lot of days are hard. And then I feel guilty for thinking they’re hard.

Because I know my life is good. Incredibly good. I wouldn’t change a thing.

And so I just keep wrestling with my thoughts, one day after another. I grin and bear it through all the poop messes and the tantrums and the moments when I cry because I can’t find my keys and I just want to run away to somewhere very quiet.

Lord, you know me better than I know myself. I try to cling to you in all my desperate moments, even though I feel like I can’t see straight.

It broke my heart when I read this again, even though I knew that I would obviously pull through and we would all be fine. That was a really hard year for me. I felt desperately lonely and may have even been dealing with some postpartum depression.

It was around that time that I started a very simple practice that kept me grounded in truth rather than the lies of inadequacy that were swirling around in my head. I took a handful of 3×5 notecards and wrote out my favorite encouraging Bible verses on them. I left them in a highly visible place on the countertop in the kitchen. Every time I was having a “mommy moment,” I would whip out those cards and start flipping through them until a found a few that anchored my soul just enough so that I could face the next chaotic moment without screaming.

It didn’t take long before I had most of them memorized. And they remain my go-to verses when I just need to get my head on straight.

10 Encouraging Bible Verses for the Overwhelmed Mama

I’ve compiled many of my favorites in previous verses, which are now in a popular series of lists of encouraging Bible verse posts I call Mama Verses. It seemed only appropriate to add “overwhelmed” to the list!

Want a printable list of these verses for overwhelmed moms and more? You can find them in my free resource collection.

Finding Strength in God

In general, I get most overwhelmed when I’m leaning on my own ability and strength to get through a chaotic day. It never works. Here are some powerful yet encouraging Bible verses that remind me to rely on God for my strength.

Psalm 63:1

You, God, are my God,earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you,my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched landwhere there is no water.

When I am feeling completely burnt out and overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that what I’m really thirsty for is the Lord. I need to do whatever I can to fill myself up with him.

Psalm 42:11

Why, my soul, are you downcast?Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God,for I will yet praise him,my Savior and my God.

Putting hope in God is the only true remedy to a downcast soul.

Acts 4:13

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

This is becoming a new favorite of mine; I recommend reading the whole passage to understand the context better. We don’t have to be super moms in order to live courageous, meaning lives; we just need to hang out with Jesus!

Trusting God

Believing in God and trusting in God are two related but separate things. I might know in my head that I need to rely on his strength, but if I’m not entrusting my burdens to him, I will only continue spinning my wheels.

Psalm 68:19

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,who daily bears our burdens.

Read it: this says God is here for me daily. Do I believe it and turn to him?

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose.

No matter how hard it gets or how overwhelmed I feel, this truth reminds me that there is a bigger picture I might not see.

Waiting on God

I may rely on God and trust him, but sometimes I still have to wait. He never promises that life will be easy, and sometimes I have to be patient before I see answers to my prayers. These encouraging Bible verses remind me that waiting is not a bad thing.

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord;be strong and take heartand wait for the Lord.

Be strong! Take heart! And wait. He’ll come through.

Psalm 37:7

Be still before the Lordand wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes.

It’s easy to get worked up and fret over all the things. But here and in many other places, God says “be still.”

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

That has to be one of the most encouraging verses in the whole Bible! Don’t give up!

Seeking Help

Don’t you sometimes wish Jesus would just appear in the flesh and give you direct advice (along with a big hug)? Well if that ever happens, I don’t think I need to be worrying about much of anything anymore 🙂 But in the meantime…we’re not alone. God puts people in our lives for a reason.

Galatians 6:2

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

We mamas are carrying a lot of burdens. Other people are not only commanded to help you; they usually want to! We just have to be humble enough to ask: for babysitting, for help with meals, cleaning, you name it.

Ephesians 4:15–16

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

We need each other. Someday, when your life isn’t so crazy chaotic, you’ll be able to pay it forward to some other overwhelmed mom.

These encouraging Bible verses have saved my life; I hope they are able to help you too.

By the way, you know that journal entry I mentioned at the beginning? It ended with this:

You are good, God. You love me, you help me, and that’s all I need to know. Thank you. Amen.

Want to keep these verses handy? You can now download them in a printable form! Just click below:

What helps you when you feel overwhelmed as a mom? Please leave a comment here or on social media.

It was a fall afternoon as I talked on the phone with my friend and mentor and I realized that I was going to have a big cry.

Sob-fests don’t scare me like they used to, and so I let the tears come. I sat in my feelings for about a week, observing, analyzing, praying.

And the diagnostic word began to surface: disconnected.

The conversation that had started my self-examination was about how I was feeling about some of my relationships in church. Disconnected. But then that feeling started to spill over into other areas of my life: work, parenting, finances. Disconnected. Much of how I had spent my time and energy in recent months was mechanical, and whenever I hit a hiccup, my reaction was to disengage, disconnect. I was more interested in checking boxes and crossing items off lists than I was in getting down on my knees, digging in, getting real and getting dirty.

It was humbling when I was honest with myself. I dropped a few more tears and came to peace with my weakness.

And then I decided to take action. We were heading into the holiday season and I knew that I wanted to shift my focus in the New Year (and even before).

I’ve never done a “word of the year” before with much success. Pick one word that is supposed to guide my life for a whole year? It has felt arbitrary, and honestly a bit contrived.

Maybe I’ll feel that way at the end of this year.

Nonetheless, I’ve learned a lot about goal-setting recently, and so at least for this year, a word that provides singular focus makes sense.

Connection. I put it up in my kitchen: my command center, the heart of my home, family and work space. I pass it multiple times a day, and it keeps me centered when I’m pouring milk, writing out my schedule or filing away receipts.

I think I’m onto something here with this word of the year business.

Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. See here for more information.

5 Ways I’m Practicing Connection as “Word of the Year”

A word like this is inspirational on my kitchen wall, sure, but it’s empty without any way to put it into practice. Perhaps that’s why “word of the year” never really worked well for me in the past; I didn’t have any practical way to put it into practice day in and day out.

And while it would be ironically self-defeating if I watered down my word into a bunch of checklist items, I have spent many hours over the last several weeks mapping out exactly what practicing connection looks like. (I chose Cultivate What Matters PowerSheets this year to help me “make it happen.”)

1. Connection in My Home

I’ve actually done decently in this area, as I’ve worked steadily on decluttering and organizing over the past few years. But where I feel like I’d like to connect more is making my home…a home. A haven.

Three, maybe four years ago, we had the toilet and bathtub replaced in our main floor bathroom. We intended to finish remaking the whole room with new paint, laying tile that we already own, and replacing vanity and the linens. Surely this is not a terribly difficult task.

It’s years later, my friends. Years. I have made zero progress. I felt overwhelmed and uninspired by the project so I disconnected myself from it. We never budgeted for it. I was hoping my husband might take the lead, but it’s just not a high priority to him.

If it’s gonna happen, I must set it in motion.

I’m setting small, attainable goals. I’ll start with a Pinterest board. I’ll make a budget. I’ll block out a Saturday pick out some paint. And step-by-step, we’ll move forward.

And this is how I want to approach alllll of those little things in my home that just make it a little bit lovelier to be in. Connecting, step by step.

2. Connection in My Family

I homeschool my three kids. We have a good routine and rhythm in our home, which I love, but at the same time I can feel a little…checked out. And my kids can feel it.

This year it’s my goal to be intentional about each of my kids’ love languages (as well as my husband’s). I get one-on-one time with at least one of them each week. During that time I’m going to talk through with them what helps them feel loved, and then I’m going to do it! (My quality time kid will be thrilled.) My goal is to collect and record words, photos and mementos from our times together throughout the year. By Christmas, I’ll have a unique gift for each of them that commemorates how our relationship grew this year.

3. Connection in My Work

Last year was a huge year for me in my online business. I took some courses and worked hard to grow my audience, and I put together some digital products that I’m really proud of.

At the same time, by the end of the year I was feeling exhausted with it and, naturally, a little disconnected from my purpose. I’d gotten lost in numbers and productivity, which is the exact opposite of the message I want to communicate!

While I still have number goals, I’m much more interested in narrowing my focus this year and connecting with you. In my stress management course, Chaos to Calm (which I plan to open for enrollment in May), I’ll be doing more live and interactive coaching. In the Wiping Noses for Jesus is Legit Facebook Group, I’m going to be interacting more frequently and strategically to get to know you. As for the blog, I’m hoping to open up a bit more and sharing posts just like this one, where I worry less about the perfect title or presentation and just share my heart.

4. Connection in My Community

It’s hard to stay connected in friendships when you’re in this stage of life. It’s something I’ve continued to battle with, and I feel like I want to engage in my friendships in a deeper and more authentic way.

In addition to some changes in the small group I’m a part of at church, my personal prayer this year is to deepen three of my friendships. I know that’s a bit vague, but practically speaking what this looks like for me is choosing one person in my life whom I will pray for daily over the course of a week. I’m not sure where that will lead, but I’ll bet it will be pretty great.

Another goal is to bridge the gap between my online ministry and my “real-life” one. My hope is that by the fall I’ll be able to gather a group of women together in person to explore some of the topics I’m passionate about, particularly biblical stress management and rest.

A few years ago I started the practice of writing the Scriptures that spoke to me most on my hard days on notecards and putting them on my kitchen counter. After a time, most of them were memorized.

But then at some point I either misplaced or damaged the cards, and I fell out of the habit. I’m finding that I’m getting slower at recalling the verses I once knew so well. So this year I’m getting back into the habit, and my goal is to memorize one Bible verse a week. And this time I won’t throw out the cards!

There are a few other goals I’m working towards in business, finance, family and even having fun (like reading more fiction and learning to make sourdough!). I might reach them and I might not…but the point with my word of the year is to maintain the right perspective. No matter what I do, I am choosing connection over checklists and processes and perfection?

Have you picked a word of the year? I’d love to hear it and how you plan to live it out in the comments.

And if you need help learning how to map out some of your goals, be sure to check out this free resource, which is part of the free collection I offer for subscribers:

Hey friends! I’m super excited to share today’s post, which is packed full of info for how to be motivated based on your personality type (and how to motivate other people too). If you enjoy this and are looking for more resources to motivate and strengthen your faith, be sure to check out my whole collection of free resources.

As a coach and encourager, I think about motivation a lot. Whether I’m teaching an online course, leading a small group or even parenting my own kids, I frequently observe that some people follow through with expectations naturally…while others seem to rebel against the thought, ever! And everything in between.

I have a friend whose faith and maturity I admire tremendously. She was looking into ordering a daily prayer journal. While the journal was beautiful and she liked the idea, she nonetheless knew that once she had it in her hands, she would immediately resist using it.

Another friend loves learning about God and reads voraciously when she feels like it, but for the life of her can’t follow through with a daily Bible time, unless she’s in a study group.

Someone else I know is extremely disciplined about pursuing a hobby he cares about and will devote hours to filling out related spreadsheets. Yet a discipline of daily exercise? Not unless he finds a way he is convinced is right for him.

I personally can’t relate to any of these people.

There are other disciplines like eating healthy, family routines, keeping a clean house and so on. Some people seem to have no problem whatsoever keeping up. And some (most?) seem to incessantly struggle with at least one area.

While curious about why some people seem to be self-motivated and some aren’t, I’ve conceded that everyone has a different personality and complex reasons about how they’re motivated. And while that’s true to some extent…it’s not an entirely satisfying answer.

Is there an explanation for how people are motivated that’s actually practical and can help no matter what your natural bent is?There IS, according to the findings of Gretchen Rubin!

Disclosure: this post may contain affiliate links, which won’t change your price but will share some commission. See here for more information.

The Four Tendencies

I was so excited to stumble upon The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin because she has examined my questions with about a million times the intensity and a devotion to research.

She’s boiled down this aspect of human behavior—motivation—to be explained by how we respond to expectations.

Everyone has a tendency when it comes to responding two types of expectations: internal and external. Internal expectations are self-imposed, like fitness goals or household schedules. External expectations are things like work deadlines, meetings or what you signed up to bring to a potluck.

Based on how you generally respond to internal and external expectations, you can fall into one of four categories: “Upholder,” “Questioner,” “Obliger” or “Rebel.” You have a dominant Tendency as well as a secondary one.

One reason I love this framework is because it doesn’t value one Tendency over another. As Psalm 139:14 says, everyone is “beautifully and wonderfully made.” With an accurate understanding of your Tendency, you can work with your personality to be motivated and follow through, rather than wishing you were different. And by better understanding and considering other people’s Tendencies, you can gracefully accept them for who they are and learn how to communicate with them more effectively.

While The Four Tendencies isn’t explicitly a Christian framework, I see a lot of practical application. In fact, I find it helpful to consider what Tendency people in the Bible are because it sheds some light on how God works through each type.

Motivated by All Expectations: the Upholder

I’ll start with one of the more “extreme” personality types: the Upholder. This is the person who readily responds to both internal and external expectations. Upholders are generally self-starters, easily motivated and reliable. They love checklists and following rules. You want Upholders on your team because they will carry their weight 110% every time.

On the other hand, they can also be rigid, perfectionistic, uptight and impatient. In situations where the expectations aren’t clear, they can feel anxious and uncertain. They will even go as far to create the rules inside the rules when they aren’t clear. They can be judgmental of others who don’t think the way they do. While Upholders are usually aware of their own need for self-care, they can be susceptible to driving themselves a bit mad with all of their expectations, which may be reasonable or not. They also can be resistant to delegating or trusting others to get the job done.

I am an Upholder, through and through. My greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses. Being self-aware helps me recognize when I’m following rules for rules’ sake, and in turn can help me let them go—for myself and for others.

When I think of Upholders in the Bible, the most obvious one is Paul. As a Pharisee he was an extreme rule follower and was so passionate about the rules that he sought to persecute those who didn’t fit inside his box. But when he found grace in Christ, his world was turned upside down. Instead of being passionate about rules, he became infinitely more passionate about grace and the freedom it ultimately brings.

Motivated by Internal Expectations: the Questioner

When I told my husband about The Four Tendencies, he was initially skeptical and expressed his distrust of personality frameworks. And he immediately confirmed my suspicions that he is a Questioner. This Tendency will follow expectations if those expectations make sense. Questioners critically examine all external expectations, and if they are deemed worthy, they will make them internal expectations and follow them.

As an Upholder, I love Questioners because they help me think critically rather than just following all the rules. They tend to do a lot of research and love the concepts of fairness, efficiency and effectiveness. Once they come to an internal conviction, they will stick with that conviction faithfully.

Questioners’ weaknesses are related to their strengths. They can be so data-driven that they can reach “paralysis analysis” and avoid making decisions altogether. This can be exhausting. But once they come to an opinion or decision, they can stick to it stubbornly. With their self-directed reasoning, they can also rationalize some strange ideas. To convince them otherwise you have to present them with extensive data, which can be frustrating.

A friend of mine who is a Questioner says that setting deadlines helps her avoid analysis paralysis and decision fatigue, and that has been freeing for her. Understanding this Tendency also helps explain the person who can never “take your word for it” or questions everything.

I believe that David in the Bible was a Questioner. When the Israelites were terrified of Goliath, he immediately questioned their lack of faith and had a firm internal conviction that God would have his back. I often have wondered how this same man fell into extreme sin later in life, like when he took a military census instead of trusting in God’s provision, or when he committed adultery and murder. His rationalization and stubbornness make more sense if you think of him as a Questioner who strayed (and fortunately came back once he saw his errors).

Other possible Questioners of the Bible: Gideon, Jonathan, John the Baptist

Motivated by External Expectations: the Obliger

There’s a reason that accountability and coaching programs are so popular. They work! Many people cannot be self-motivated with tasks and habits they know they need to do for themselves, like maintaining personal health, keeping house or being disciplined about completing a passion project. But if you present an external expectation like a deadline or a consequence for other people if they don’t follow through, Obligers are dutifully responsive. According to Rubin, Obligers are probably the largest group.

Obligers are reliable team players and are very responsive to others’ needs. But, unsurprisingly, they can be especially susceptible to overwork and burnout, as well as exploitation. In fact, if you push Obligers to their limit, they can actually slip into what Rubin terms “Obliger rebellion,” when they just stop showing up. If the outer expectations are too much for them to handle, they crumble because there is not enough internal motivation to carry them through.

While Obligers can naturally feel frustrated with themselves since they lack internal motivation, the great news is that the solution to being motivated is easy to identify! If you’re an Obliger and you want to be motivated, the key is to find an external accountability system. This can look different for every person, but if you can find a way to let someone else down by failing to meet an expectation, you’ll be much more likely to follow through.

I wonder if perhaps some of the more selfless people in the Bible were Obligers, like Ruth and Esther. While it’s difficult to know the motivation behind why they did what they did, they appeared to be very responsive and courageous when others needed them to step up. Perhaps Moses was an Obliger as well. At different stages in his life he appeared to be weak and cowardly, but when he had a clear outside expectation from God as well as from his community he was heroic. (He also seemed to have a couple of instances of Obliger-rebellion when he got pushed to his limit!)

Other notable Obligers of the Bible: Aaron, the Apostle John, Barnabas.

Not Motivated by Expectations: the Rebel

On the opposite extreme from Upholders are Rebels. They resist all expectations, internal and external. This Tendency is fascinating and befuddling to me, as it is my complete opposite. Yet some of my dearest friends are Rebels; I am drawn to them because of their creativity and authentic way of living, as well as their ability to think outside the box.

It can be frustrating to be a Rebel or to work with a Rebel because rules and “shoulds” do not motivate them; in fact, they are demotivating. Some Rebels feel energized by breaking rules just to prove that they can. This does not mean that Rebels are doomed to be slackers and slobs, but it does mean that they need to think about motivation differently than the other Tendencies.

Three things that motivate Rebels are their sense of identity, their ability to be free and the opportunity to step up to a challenge (they love to prove people wrong). For example, a friend of mine is very passionate about her love for her kids; she’ll go to the moon and back for them. But she has to maintain a sense of freedom when running her household; otherwise she doesn’t feel true to herself or her family. So she doesn’t do well with strict routines and schedules, but when the mood strikes she will do a beautiful job cleaning, organizing and decorating. If she finds a particular task challenging or frustrating, she’s wonderfully creative and determined to complete it.

When communicating with a Rebel, you can’t force them to do anything (even when you’re communicating with yourself). Rubin recommends the following sequence of information: information, consequences and choice. Present the Rebel with their options, explain the consequences of their decisions and then let them choose. If the desired outcome resonates with their identity and they have the freedom to choose it, they’ll come through.

I’m pretty sure that Peter in the Bible was a Rebel. He was obviously resistant to outer expectations in the Gospels and struggled with inner ones as well, most notably when he denied Christ on the night before the crucifixion. But once he found his identity in Christ, he became a force to be reckoned with in the Book of Acts. (His name literally means “Rock.”) I’m sure he got a kick out of resisting the authorities, and it makes sense that he rejoiced when he was persecuted. Tradition holds that when he died he was crucified upside down at his own request. Sounds pretty Rebel-like to me.

Other possible Rebels in the Bible: Jacob, Samson, Jonah, the Prodigal Son, Mary sister of Martha.

I hope you find this framework as insightful and practically helpful as I have. Most people know what their Tendency based on these basic descriptions, but if you’re not sure you can take Gretchen Rubin’s quiz here.

I’d love to hear from you: what do you think your Tendency is, and how do you think understanding this framework can help you be more motivated as you live out your faith?

Are you wrestling with sadness this Christmas? While we’re mostly enjoying the season, our family has a nagging sense of pain and loss as we wait for our international adoption referral.It hurts to think that our future child might be suffering and can’t create memories with us this year.

Christmas Sadness: How to Cope When the Holidays Hurt

The Christmas season is upon us, and for many it’s a time of joy, laughter and family.

But for some, it’s a time of unspoken sadness, grief and remembering loss. There are loved ones you can’t be with, unfulfilled dreams, and painful memories.

Or perhaps it’s a mixed bag; you enjoy the season, but there are still instances nagging pain.

Whatever your story, it is an emotional time of year, for good or for bad. In the hubbub of the festivities, it can be easy to shove the swell of emotions aside and just power through—and feel completed depleted afterward.

On the other hand, it can be tempting to want to pull away from it all and hibernate until January.

Click over to Equipping Godly Women to read more about how to approach the holidays in a godly way with these complexities of emotion.

Leave a comment: are the holidays painful for you? How do you cope?

Do you have a hard time connecting in prayer? I do too…and that’s why again and again I go back to Jesus’ teachings about prayer whenever I’m in a rut. If you enjoy this, be sure to check out the Teach Me To Pray 7-Day printable journal.

For the longest time, I thought that I pretty much stink at praying.

Don’t get me wrong, I come to God regularly, maybe with a prayer list or journal in hand if I’m really on top of things.

But too many times, daily prayer has just been an item on my spiritual checklist, and as a result it has felt rote, aimless, boring and powerless.

I quickly lose focus and my mind wanders to what it thinks are more interesting pursuits.

I’ve wondered at times, What is wrong with me? Is there a “right” way to pray? Or a wrong way? What exactly does God expect us to say when he already knows our thoughts, anyway?

I think Jesus’ disciples wondered about some of these things. I’m guessing this is why he offered them many lessons on prayer.

Jesus came to a people who were very…religious. The Jewish leaders at the time loved marking all the right boxes, praying long and loud, making a show out of fasting and demonstrating to everyone how extremely godly they were.

And then there were the regular Joes like the rest of us mortals who probably felt a little inadequate and lost when talking to the LORD of the universe.

What made Jesus’ approach to prayer different was that it was an ongoing conversation in an intimate relationship with his Father, rather than religious act you could check off your daily list.

Along with Jesus’ other teachings, his words on prayer were tough pills to swallow.

And you know what? They’re still tough. But that’s what makes them so effective.

The secret to a powerful prayer life isn’t following some formula or method.

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WELL HELLO!

I'm Gina, a happily married mom of three and stress management coach. I help exhausted, overwhelmed moms find peace and purpose in the everyday. Be sure to sign up for tons of free resources that will help you stop just surviving and start thriving! Read More…