Nick Clegg to give plastic bags the vote

Britain's 4.3 million plastic bags could vote in the 2015 election under a plan launched by Nick Clegg at the Lib Dem annual conference. Clegg told party activists: "The very bags in which you have brought your cheese and pickle sandwiches and Thermos flasks of tea to Conference could be the salvation of this party. And muesli bars. I see no reason why their contribution to society shouldn't be recognised. The plastic bags I mean. Though that's not to underestimate those muesli bars."

"I've got a pair of clean pants, swimming stuff, a banana and some Wet Wipes in mine. And a Dick Francis, and a broken pair of reading glasses." said Business Secretary Vince Cable. "A lot of people in Britain can say the same. We live in a topsy turvy world in which we don't recognise the massive contribution made by this massive section of our community while paying disgraced bankers and redundant BBC executives millions."

But UKIP's Nigel Farage warned "We already have too many plastic bags in this country. Mine for example contains a packet of Rothmans, a big bag of crisps, and the 1998 Subuteo rule book. And I've got another one somewhere with an unsuitable hat in it I am taking back to Debenhams. If the receipt is still in there. So, too many bags, and now the Deputy Prime Minister wants to get into bed with all of them."