 selections and sent the forms back to school. Well yesterday the books came in and Yogi shot out his class with the news. We immediately sat ourselves down on the floor and opened every one. Who needs to go home when you’ve got new books?!!
You’ve probably heard about this book.
It’s been called “One of the most important books you‘ll read this year” by none other than Daniel H. Pink (great name!).
Bronson and Merryman’s research suggests that it is much more beneficial to praise your child’s effort, as effort is a variable over which we have control. A kid can work harder if they choose to, but there’s not much to be done if you want to be “smarter”.
Be specific – Telling your child how much you appreciate their willingness to clean up their toys is much more instructive and meaningful than telling them what a good boy/girl they are.
Be sincere – Children know when they’re being put on. Empty praise can backfire. Psych research suggests that by the time kids get to high school they are so accustomed to praise that they perceive criticism to be a better indicator of a teacher’s belief in their ability.
Don’t over-do it – Over praising can actually erode your child’s intrinsic motivation. One of my high school teachers called this phenomenon “jumping for yummies”. When you receive praise for every move you make, you become dependent on it and you lose touch with the intrinsic joy of doing something for the thing itself.
Race makes people uncomfortable.
Talking with their own kids about race seems to make most people really uncomfortable.
However, kids intuitively understand that when we don’t talk about something, that something is usually bad. This intuition combined with the child’s developmental tendency to attend carefully to differences of all kinds and categorize accordingly, means that when we pretend to be color blind our kids draw their own conclusions.
Making vague statements such as “Everybody’s equal” is not concrete enough to be understandable for young children. If we want our children to dwell comfortably in a diverse world, we need to talk explicitly about differences.
When your five-year old declares boldly in the grocery line that “Brown people are from Africa!” she is sharing something that she’s learned. Grabbing her hand, going red in the face and attempting to distract her with the candy display teaches her something else and it’s probably not the message that you would choose.
Children get an hour less sleep a night than they did thirty years ago.
An hour doesn’t sound like a big deal, does it? A lost hour of sleep is something that adults can manage with relative ease, but it is a different matter for children.
As much as we want to cram as much as we can into each day, emerging brain science indicates that protecting our child’s sleep is one of the best ways to prepare them for the future.
Want to read more? Check out the website!
** He’s HERE and you must go over and see the picture! You can find the loveliness here. You’re welcome.
I found this book at a local book sale and it was quite a find. Rituals are so important and this book has lots of creative ideas for how to mark and celebrate not just the major holidays, but the minor ones and the everyday. To give you a flavor, some of the rituals include Full Moon Bonfires, Social Justice Night and Family Book Groups.
Lots of excellent (and highly detailed) information about nutrition. Tons of recipes too. This one is on my kitchen counter.
I’ve written about this book more than once, but I found the information to be super useful. I read the whole thing in a few hours and dog-eared a handful of pages for reference. If you’re not an expert in baby cues, you should check this out.
Very readable and organized around age milestones. Each section outlines the big issues (sleep, eating, teething, motor skills, etc) at that age and what to look for/expect in the coming months.
LOVE this book!!! It’s essentially a readable lit review of recent research (and particularly outcomes that are counter-intuitive or not widely discussed) about childhood. There is an excellent chapter about self-esteem.
There are also a few more waiting in the wings and I’m eager to get to them as well. Has anyone read any of these?
What’s on your parenting bookshelf?
I’ve never done a book review on this blog, but I’ve decided it’s time to change all that. If it’s as fun as I think it could be, perhaps I’ll do more. Anything parenting/childcare related that you’ve been wanting to read? I’m an excellent reading buddy!
Earlier this year everyone was talking about this book. From the New York Times and NPR to Stephen Colbert and the Wall Street Journal, lots of folks were weighing in on this unusual parenting memoir.When the Tiger Mother brew-ha-ha hit in January I had left my academic career (in which research related to cultural diversity played a large role) six months before and was at home with an infant. To say that I was in the target audience for this book would be like saying that Chua’s critique of what she calls”Western” parenting was scathing. Um…yeah.
So what was it that got everyone all riled up? Well, first it was the bold and aggressive voice of the author. Not two pages into the book, Chua offers a bulleted list of all of the things (attend a sleepover, get any grade less than an A, watch TV or play computer games) that her daughters (pictured above – L to R Sophia, the Tiger Mother herself, Lulu) were never allowed to do. It is evident from the outset that the author intends to demonstrate and argue for the “rightness” of Chinese parenting to her (one would assume) largely American audience. What is less clear is where the author herself truly stands with respect to the issues and family experiences that she outlines in the book.
It is the story beneath the story that I wonder about. In spite of her bravado in recounting epic piano practice sessions and seemingly heartless interactions with her children (she writes on page 103 of her response to what she believed to be a hastily created birthday card from Lulu “I don’t want this,” I said. “I want a better one – one that you’ve put some thought and effort into. I have a special box, where I keep all my cards from you and Sophia, and this one can’t go in there.”) there is a note of something like the need for approval in her tone. As much as she assures the reader that she knows what she’s doing and she’s confident that her way is the right way, it sounds like she’s reassuring herself.
I enjoy reading memoirs and I especially enjoy reading books written by people who seem just a bit (how would you say it?) nutty. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother handily meets both of those criteria. So, in spite of the fact that the writing was fairly academic (read: hum drum) and the story seemed to wander around in search of itself, I’m glad I read the book and it even gave me a few interesting things to consider in my own journey as a parent. The first is that writing a book about what a great parent you are (while explicitly ridiculing your perception of the dominant parenting style in the culture in which you’re writing) while your children are in their teens is just asking for trouble. I mean, hasn’t some agent already got those girls under contract for the tell-all companion Battle Hymn of the Tiger Daughters?
The second (and certainly more serious) take-away from the book came the 10th chapter in which Chua outlines the three big differences between the mind-sets of Chinese and Western parents.
1. Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem.
2. Chinese parents believe that their children owe them everything.
3. Chinese parents believe they know what it best for their children and therefore override all of their children’s own desires and preferences.
I’m not going to rally behind the use of shaming, but with that (yes, considerable) exception there is something that rings true to me in her thinking here. It seems to me that much of the ethic behind the over-praising of children is the (perhaps unconscious) assumption that there is an inherent weakness in children that parents are called upon to strengthen through support and encouragement. I’m not going to be arranging my own battle hymn anytime soon, but I do think that Chua is on to something with this point. Leading with the expectation of strength (internal resilience, fortitude) in your children is an inspiring kind of leadership. The kind of thing that nurtures intrinsic motivation instead of the endless searching for external validation.
So, has anyone else read this? What did you think? Leave a comment and let me know, I’m eager to hear.In 1998, Carl Daikeler and Jon Congdon launched a little startup that became a multi-billion dollar company in just 20 years. Their business, BeachBody, started from Daikeler’s idea that people would prefer exercising at home because of the privacy, lower cost and convenience. He was right, and he has been able to bring plenty of fresh ideas to keep the company relevant and inspiring to all people who want to lead a healthy lifestyle.
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