 to be disdainful, but I make an effort.

As far as emotional struggles go, it differs from woman to woman, but most people of any sex don’t like people complaining about the same thing over and over when they’re not doing anything to fix the problem.Exploring Honeybee imagery...
I am starting to explore imagery for a project on the subject of Honeybees. As a beekeeper, I have long been fascinated with bees and concerned about the dangers that face their survival these days... Now I have to figure out how to express those thoughts and feelings in my work! A challenge, but it is going to be a fun journey!
This is the first study that captured the ethereal quality of bees in flight for me. Baby steps.... but a start!&gt; But the frequent tradeups that yielded little value

Seriously. In his 5 drafts as Panthers GM, he traded up 5 times for Bene Benwikere, Devin Funchess, Daryl Williams, Daryl Worley, and Daeshon Hall in the process giving up our 2014 7th, 2015 3rd, 2015 5th, 2015 6th, 2015 7th, 2016 4th, and 2017 4th round picks. (Excluding the picks swapped in the trade up) Giving up all these mid to late rounders wouldn't have been so bad if Gettleman ever traded back to balance this out, but he never did.

That being said it was so damn refreshing to see Gettleman trade back last week. The extra pick facilitated a later trade up without losing any picks on the net, and having the 1st pick on day 3 of the draft was a blessing in disguise as it gave us time to think and absolutely nail the Ian Thomas pick.Pre-Op Nutrition Class: Done!
Today I had my final class before surgery with the nutritionist at the Dr’s office! We are officially a “Go” for surgery!
As you may recall, I actually had a Lap-Band in like 2012, and removed in 2014. I also had the revisional surgery to convert to a sleeve approved last year (but never went through with it). So, I’m not exactly a total newbs when it comes to the whole weight loss surgery thing.
However, today’s class was pretty informative and I think very well done. There was ample time for questions, and we truly covered every detail from the pre-op diet, to the recovery diet the first month, to proceeding to our lasting bariatric diet, which is how we will live for the rest of our lives. We also went over exactly what will happen on surgery day, during the surgery, all potential (including very remote) complications, etc.
I feel very comfortable getting ready to go into this surgery. I feel as prepared as I can be, and that I really understand all facets of life with the sleeve, what to expect, etc. Now it’s just on me to do my part and use this amazing tool and finally get the weight off.
I thought I would have to wait until a month or so post-surgery before I could start exercising again, but in reality I can get on that treadmill as early as 2 weeks post-op. They say that your body will never lose weight as quickly or easily as it does that first year after surgery, so you really want to make the most of it. That means following the diet 110%, exercising, getting in your required protein every 3 hours, getting in your water every day, taking the bariatric vitamins, etc.
My original goal was to lose 50 lbs by the wedding. That is a very realistic goal, and I would feel so much better. I’d be down around 260. Potentially– I know it isn’t the norm— but, potentially, I could lose more than 50 lbs. The nutritionist lost like 70-75 lbs in her first 6 months after her sleeve gastrectomy. So… being such an “all or nothing” type girl, guess what my goal is? Yup… 100 lbs. Now- is that really feasible and realistic to expect? Nope, probably not.
But, if the first year is the easiest time in my whole life to ever get this weight off, and your body starts to reset itself to a new weight after the first year, you can bet I’m going to try like hell to lose as absolutely much weight as my body will possibly let me in the first year as possible. My “realistic” goal is to lose 100 lbs the first year. But, you can lose a tremendous amount of weight in the first 6 months… So, I’m going to try my hardest and see what happens.
I’m going to join a gym in March, and plan to start back to the gym (on the treadmill only) 2-3 weeks post-surgery. I need to give myself a goal, so it doesn’t just drag on, and I don’t get around to it, etc. 
They’re opening a new gym this February right at the corner by where I live. So, no excuses. I’ll literally be passing this place on the way to work and the way home from work every.single.day. My goal starting out will be to walk 3-5 times a week, and I want to work back up to 5-7 times a week. I was committed before, working out 6-7 days/week, 1-2/day. I’ve done it before, I’ve pushed myself and seen results (10lbs down/month) and I can do it again. Now I will have this amazing tool and my body will be in overdrive. 
Now, this means I literally need to forego pretty much all carbs for at least a year. Once your weight stabilizes, you can add carbs back in, in small amounts, in moderation. But, definitely for the first 12 months, carbs are a no-go and will slow down or even stop weight loss. Like she says, you know what bread tastes like. You can have it again. It’s not a “never again” but it should be a “not now” during that first 12 months. You will never have another opportunity like this, and is cheating with bread really worth it?
It’s a huge, huge, huge lifestyle change. A forever change. This isn’t some new diet I’m trying, that I’m going to quit in a month, or two months, or three… I can never quit this. For the rest of my life, I have to focus on getting in enough protein, while only eating very small amounts of food. I’ll never be able to eat a full meal again. Food has to become less of the focus, and less important in my life.
It’s overwhelming a little to even think about.
But, this is my chance to make a brand-new me, to get down to a weight I can be happier and healthier at, and one that won’t hold me back from living and enjoying my life. 
I’m feeling really determined right now to follow though on all the guidelines and really commit to learning to live in a brand new, healthier way. I’m going all-in!
I’m now 32 years old, and getting married in about 5.5 months (June 20, 2015).
At the end of December I went to see a bariatric surgeon about sleeve gastrectomy, after failing to lose weight and maintain the loss on my own, through diet and exercise alone.
I’m not preaching any one way as the “right” way to lose weight- it’s an individual journey that each person must decide for themselves.
But this is chronicling my journey… If all goes well, through a weight loss surgery, a wedding, and a transformation- both inside and out.
Below are my new “before” pics… Yes, I ultimately gained weight the first 6 months I was trying to lose weight on my own.
Except even the movie First blood is about a PTSD stricken veteran who as a psychotic break and who assaults police officers in an ever escalating string of terrorist violence until he is brought down by his mentor... 

 

So EVEN if we are talking about the movie First blood instead of the book. She was still correct. 

&gt;The movies had a huge impact on popular culture, unlike the book it's based on.

The book has been used as a textbook in colleges in writing courses and has had critical acclaim for a long time. Its especially been popular in veterans circles as a conversation starter about PTSD. But okay doesn't change the problem of the plot of first blood is about a PTSD stricken soldier bringing violence home...Yeah it was over a hockey game in high school. Canada was up like 6-0 over the US and I very sarcastically said go USA and some guy took super offense to it( we were watching the game instead of doing classwork) Anyways at break he was following me( we both had very different peer groups) and he started insulting me and yelling at me and i just brushed it off, then he kicked me in my back but I still kept on walking as I didn't want to fight over something so trivial. He then hit me in the back of the head twice, I stopped turned around and said if he hit me again i was gonna knock him out, he took another swing I moved to the side avoiding his punch, then i through a right hook and caught him right on the chin, he dropped to the ground where i proceded to kick him in the face 10-20 times out of pure rage before i was pulled off him. I ended up being suspended for 1 day and threatened with criminal charges,