 on my hips? Is my finger pointing and shaking?
Is my body language not calm? What about my voice tone, is it communicating love and understanding and caring and also firmness at the same time? Or is it communicating emotion, frustration, anger tiredness?" There's a lot of reasons why people choose to be angry. I do want to tell you it is a choice. I know that some days when the baby's kept you up all night or you've had bad health or there's a lot of family stress that's going on, it seems like it's not a choice. But it is.
Calmness, good communication, and anger are all choices.  You don't have to accept those excuses as your reality. And I know. Because I am the type of person who's had to reign in her own emotions. I'm changed, I'm different and many other people are too. Because they've learned the power of calm. Calmness cannot happen unless you analyze yourself, check yourself, and then choose to make those adjustments.
Sometimes that first thought that pops in your head is exactly the wrong thing to say. In fact, the more you dwell on that thought, the more likely you're going to say it even though you're telling yourself, "No, don't say it. Don't say it." It's the wrong thing to say. Remember that. You need to plan the right thing to say. When I started doing foster care for troubled teens years ago, I recognized that my strong will and fiery personality were going to get the better of me.
I wouldn't meet my goals as a foster parent if I didn't plan out exactly what to say. So, I got recipe cards out of my pantry and I started to write down: This is exactly what I will say when things go wrong. When I correct the children these are the words I will use. When they go out of control, these are the words I will use. These are the words I will use when I praise them and tell them they've done a good job. I planned every word.
That may seem mechanical and strange but I promise you, you're already a robot. Those words that pop into your head, those emotions that come flaming up out of nowhere --auto response. You've trained yourself. You have a habit. You've got to replace it with a new habit and do new training. You've got to know what to say. You've got to plan for that. That's why I have other books and courses. I tell my scripts the things that I know to say at the moment.
Guess what? You're not going to be perfect every time. You're going to check yourself. You're going to be diligent about that. And you are going to learn new words to say. And then guess what? Sometimes you're going to do the old habit. The one you did not want to do.
You're not perfect. That's okay. Just redo it the right way. If you want to correct yourself, catch yourself doing it wrong, stop yourself and tell your children, "Mom, wasn't doing it the right way. Dad told you he'd do it this way. Sorry, he's not doing it the right way right now." Then say, "Now, we are going to do that interaction again. This time with calmness and using the words that I told you I would use." And you can say you're sorry too.
You know what? We don't have to make mistakes like that personally. In families, we learn how to communicate. We learn how to be forgiving. We learn that everybody's a work in progress. You are too. You can conquer this.  You can choose to do something differently. It is a power that you have within yourself.
Post a Comment for "3 Helpful Tips! How to Control My Anger with My Kids"Whether it is teaching my patients about how to be healthy, expanding medical students’ awareness of the kaleidoscope of opportunity that is our specialty, precepting students and residents in the inpatient and outpatient setting, or implementing curricula for learners across the medical education continuum, my passion involves teaching and advocating for our specialty. My academic home has been the STFM since the late-1990’s. I have directed family medicine clerkships and electives in the military and at Wake Forest School of Medicine, directed an early primary care experience, and direct a reproductive health course for preclinical students at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. I've had the privilege of being a member of the STFM Research Committee and a founding member of the CAFM Educational Research Alliance (CERA). My work with CERA allowed me to collaborate with several wonderful STFM colleagues on their scholarly projects. I’ve also had the privilege of developing an STFM webinar series that highlights the TeachingPhysician.
My career at Wake Forest University has afforded me a leadership position that, 6 years ago, was almost unheard of at a medical school, that of associate dean for academic accreditation. I’ve led our school through several regional and programmatic (ie, LCME) site visits, sharing what I’ve learned at an STFM Annual Spring Conference. As I now transition out of that leadership role, I am looking forward to applying the skills I’ve acquired throughout my career to serving you in the role of STFM member-at-large.
I live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, with my wife, Dr Joanne Clinch, also a family physician and the medical director of Wake Forest University Student Health Service. We have three wonderful adult children, ages 26, 23, and 20. To unwind, I enjoy kayak fishing for largemouth bass, fly fishing for trout, and learning how to play the guitar!
I would be honored to serve as member-at-large of the Society of Teachers of Family Medicine, representing the interests of STFM and you, its membership.
What energizes me about family medicine is the variety and complexity of the care we provide. As faculty advisor to our family medicine interest group, I regularly highlight the myriad opportunities family medicine has to offer. It is up to all of us to engage with students whenever possible so that we can maintain the record numbers of graduates matching into our specialty.
While the complexity of our specialty energizes me, it is also a factor contributing to physician burnout. 90% of visits in primary care address four diagnoses (whereas 70% of visits in specialty care address one diagnosis). If complexity of care is coupled with fragmentation of care, then the system in which we work contributes to both burnout and waste (~ $130 billion of waste is attributable to inefficiently delivered services). The continuity of care we are skilled at providing is a key feature associated with successful, coordinated care management; that which demonstrates better health outcomes, lower cost, and increased patient and provider satisfaction. I have experienced this kind of care management in action as the physician leader of a home-based primary care team for veterans. Together, we can improve the system.
As member-at-large, I stand ready to serve as liaison to external groups, assume leadership for new or ongoing STFM projects, and assist the President and the Nominations Committee in identifying talented candidates for elected and appointed offices. If elected to the Board of Directors, I will apply my skills to help further the priorities of STFM and serve as liaison to task forces, groups, and committees that do not have direct representation to the Board of Directors.
STFM’s benefit to a family medicine educator continues to grow as new resources are offered. I would like to see an “STFM Communications Liaison” in each family medicine residency program, in each department of family medicine, and at the ten schools without a department of family medicine. A liaison position could be a formal STFM position with a set of expectations, enhancing awareness about all STFM has to offer, which is central to making STFM one’s professional home. These liaisons could also facilitate getting members to join STFM Connect and utilize this well-designed platform to stay engaged.
We must make engaging with STFM a priority for students, faculty, and staff so they recognize the positive impact STFM can have on their professional development and career path. The development and networking one can obtain by engaging with STFM must be highlighted to potential and current members, so they prioritize making STFM their professional home where they can amass evidence of regional and national impact while helping to further STFM’s strategic goals.
One of the STFM Strategic Plan’s “Big Rocks” is to, “Provide family medicine faculty with the skills needed to train students, residents, and health care teams to achieve the Triple Aim of better care, better health, and lower cost.” The “…health care teams…” component of this goal is both a challenge and an opportunity. Given the complexity of our patient care and the fragmentation of our health care system, our ability to collaborate across STFM and develop and provide training for health care teams about value-based healthcare will become of even greater importance.
Another “Big Rock” in our Strategic Plan is to, “Engage members, residents, and students in activities related to Family Medicine for America’s Health” and one of FMAHealth’s priorities includes, “Increase the value of primary care”. Utilizing CERA to identify and describe ways our members are working to increase the value of primary care and partnering with NAPCRG and the Robert Graham Center to conduct research assessing the value of primary care will be critical to provide the data necessary to support this FMAHealth priority. Each of us can work to participate on committees and on projects locally, bringing a family medicine voice to important decisions that impact our organization and our community.
One example involves my experience as associate dean for academic acc