:00 2009-11-15T09:20:16-08:00 This week, I've been asked to look into one of the game's greatest mysteries. Kraken. What are they? Where are they? Are they related to the sea monsters of Atlantis? Why does their blood come in buckets? And just how do the brigands get so much of it?<P> Well, gentle reader, let me tell you a tale. Because while this started out as a lighthearted experiment, it ended as one of the most shocking discoveries I have ever uncovered! So, if you have the nerve, the stomach and the spleen for it - read on!<BR><P> <HR><P><BR> My initial investigation led me to conclude that the best method of comparing Kraken DNA with Gorgonyx DNA would be to compare samples of the two. Having some Kraken's Blood handy, I needed to acquire a gorgonyx. Fortunately, these come in a handy pocket sized trinket size. I set out to acquire one, following the best practice in scientific procurement.<P> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P><P> Having secured a gorgonyx, I took it back to my alchemical laboratory to perform an analysis.<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P><P> I concluded that a more fruitful line inquiry might be to seek the source of Kraken's blood. It's well known that this commodity can only be found on board the toughest of brigand vessels. Hence, I resolved to find such a vessel, board it, and track it back to its origin.<P> Here we are! Attack!<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> Fools! They suspect nothing! The Brigands close in for the kill. <BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> I feign unconsciousness, sneak away from the fray, and board their vessel!<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> I check their chart, and find they've come from the Redoubt of Depravity and Chaos. I jump ship, leaving my crew of swabbies to keep the brigands occupied, and make for their base on magical winds.<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> Making my way through the undergrowth of the isle, I come upon the ancient ruins of a building, rubble on the surface, but with stairs down, from which an evil smell eminates. I make my way down...<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> I find myself in a large alchemical laboratory. By the vats, presses, grinders and wringers, all stained a deep black, I can tell that this is where the stuff is produced. I hide behind a stone pillar, and observe a shadowy figure hard at work - it is Cephalopod! So, it is he who manufactures the stuff, and releases it to the brigands, to distribute to the oceans!<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> But what of the raw materials? What is is made from? Something sends a chill down my spine, so I do not approach Cephalopod to ask. I spot a store cupboard at the rear of the laboratory. Can this be where the secret is kept? I creep over to it, and with shaking hand, slowly open the door...<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> NO! It can't be!<BR> <img src="" border="0" alt="A Tale Writ In Blood"><P> I grabbed as many of the poor creatures as I could, and fled. But two terrible mysteries were solved that night - where 'Kraken's Blood' comes from, and why the developers won't let you have a black octopus...<P> <IMG SRC="" ALIGN=CENTER> Two-Fisted Tales Of Technology, Continued. Hephaestus 2009-08-05T12:54:14-07:00 2009-08-05T13:08:01-07:00 Further developments on my epic battle with Jens Stoltenberg, Prime Minister of Norway. Just the other day, some kind of EPIC FAIL happened with my monitor, which led to a big stripe of blue pixels appearing down the middle of the screen. Obviously, I need far less reason than <i>that</i> to invest in new kit, so I now have a big 24 inch monitor, with a nice 1920x1200 resolution. Which has this rather interesting effect: <A HREF=""><IMG SRC=""><BR><I><FONT SIZE=-2>Click To Embiggen</FONT></I></A><P> See what I mean? I now actually get more of the island in the main screen than I do in the minimap at the top right! That's clearly some kind of watershed, but whether I should be proud or ashamed, I'm not sure.<P> The Cat And The Canary Hephaestus 2009-07-26T13:43:04-07:00 2009-07-27T08:33:53-07:00 As I'm sure you already know, this month saw the introduction of two shiny new Oceans. Jade, of course, is our Spanish ocean, and Crimson is ocean tailored towards families and younger players. All this is in pursuit of our new goal - if you are a warm blooded mammal with even a passing interest in pirates, we want you playing YPP.<P> <P> It was obvious to us that there was a need for a family ocean; though we can't allow younger children on to the main oceans, that didn't stop them trying! And really, there's nothing sadder for us than having to exclude a polite, enthusiastic young player just because they're a bit greener than we'd like. Hence, Crimson. But there is another section of the internet who are as yet uncatered to, and yet who show an almost unconquerable desire to participate in the game.<P> I speak, of course, of <B>cats.</B><P> If you have a cat, know a cat, or live in the neighbourhood of a particularly intrusive cat, you will know that there is nothing a cat likes better, while you're carpenting in a blockade, than to leap on to the keyboard and join in. And from many of the "sldhfodidsssssdddddd" type petitions we receive, I can only presume that these cats are writing in in their hundreds to tell us all about it.<P> Well, their wait is almost over! Because we are now in the final testing stages of the first of our Yellow oceans, which will be specifically tailored towards pets. The first ocean will be Canary, and be tailored towards our feline friends.<P> But what changes will be made?<P> The first, and most obvious change - Humans Out, Cats In.<P> <IMG SRC=> <pic of a dock with cats instead of humans, with yellow and green names, and with a big cat with a blue name><P> And of course, the puzzles will need to be changed in order to appeal to cats. This you can see here, with the new version of Bilging, which is 100% shinier and 200% janglier than before.<P> <IMG SRC=> <Absurdly shiny Bilging board.><P> Pillaging will have changed. Much as rum needed to be removed for Crimson, cats also have their own specific needs:<P> <IMG SRC=> <Picture of a hold, stocked with hairballs and catnip.><P> And finally, one could not expect cats to be interested in defeating brigands:<P> <IMG SRC=> <Cats vs Dogs SF. Mostly small dogs, plus a large dog in a hat.><P> I think you'll agree, exciting stuff, that's sure to please your furry companion. Tune in next month for news of the Violet Ocean, our joint project with SETI, which will be transmitting the client into the furthest depths of space, and analysing SETI data looking for Swordfighting data packets.<P> <font size="-2">(Damned Martian speedhackers.)</font><P> Oh, it's ON now... Hephaestus 2009-07-13T04:44:15-07:00 2009-07-13T04:44:15-07:00 <IMG SRC=><P> Curse you Jens Stoltenberg, Prime Minister of Norway. You win this round! Tomorrow's World Today! Hephaestus 2009-07-07T14:28:19-07:00 2009-07-07T14:28:19-07:00 <P>When last we spoke, I had just demonstrated 12 clients, running on five screens. Of course, at the time, the question in the air was, where can we go from here? Have the screens got even larger? The answer is, no. Quite the reverse. >Apologies for the ropey quality of the film. I have a better video camera, but unfortunately it's installed