 be able to focus on herself more during pregnancy and then on the new baby when the new baby arrives.
I personally think it takes 3 years to get your mind right after giving birth. Each pregnancy and birth can throw you so far off balance, out of your comfort zone, and stretch your personal growth as far as it can be stretched that it takes 3 years to get back in balance and ready mentally and emotionally to handle getting back in line to do it all over again.
Now, if you are reading this and freaking out because your babies are spaced 2 years apart or even 12 months apart like my Goddaughter and her sister (also known as Irish Twins) then rest easy. It just means you will need to be a bit more cognizant about your health and healing your reproductive organs, taking care of your overall health and restoring your nutritional stores. I would also spend some time making sure your child is getting adequate nutrition now, to make up for any lack of nutrition they may not have received because your body was not yet at peak performance to nourish and grow another human.
Last year when we got pregnant and then later miscarried, I do think part of it was because my body was simply not ready yet (Penelope had just turned two when we got pregnant). And this time around, we have waited not only so I could get my mind right again, but also so my nutritional stores could get back up. Even though I was only pregnant 12 weeks, it was a huge drain on my body.
Nothing is a hard and fast rule, but this is ancient wisdom that somehow got lost and buried along the way for women and I wanted to share. Mostly I want women to know how hard a pregnancy is on a woman’s body. If you are going to have ten kids, or space them close together, just take care of yourself and your body. And if you already had your kids close together, just take extra care of your body for a little bit. Women’s bodies are amazing, just a little bit of care and healing goes a long way.
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I’d love to hear more about your research to write this post. As a mother of 2, 17 months apart I find it super discouraging to read your words. We’ve had zero health problems and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. There are many children that are born several years apart of health issues or people that miscarry babies years apart. It doesn’t seem fair to categorize these things into having children close today. Do you think its possible that each person’s body is different? Of course I’d love to read more about this if it comes from good resources, thanks!
Hey Melissa, sorry you feel discouraged, but like I mentioned in the post, don’t fret if your kids are less than 3 years apart. It’s just some information to be mindful about in case some health issues come up later, or nutritional deficiencies are discovered, etc or just to simply know, since so many people have never heard this concept before. I do think every body is different and each person’s nutritional stores and general health are different, so one person may handle back to back pregnancies much better than the next.  Does that make sense? As for research, some good books to check out would be Nourishing Traditions, the GAPS Diet and Beautiful Babies. But it’s also just commen sense, antidotal wisdom from ancient cultures too, for example ones that routinely do full term breastfeeding (ie nursing a child older that 2) for child spacing. In the end what I am trying to say is that even if a woman is healthy, pregnancy is very draining on a woman’s body and nutritional stores, and to make a priority to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your little ones.
Hi Stephanie. I totally agree, and I appreciate your post. I’m trying to find some hard facts/ medical research to back up the 3-year recovery. Can you direct me? I would really appreciate it! This is very important information…so many women feel like failures when they get completely overwhelmed with closely spaced children.
Nope, sorry. This is anecdotal information that I received during my trainings with the Arvigo Institute. It has been passed down from Mayan midwives and healers for generations. Let me know if you find anything though!
Yes, I’ve heard this for years in my Montessori world too. Thank you! I’ll keep searching, and I’ll let you know if I find anything.
I actually have quite a few friends with 5+ children and I hear a lot about how 3 years old is the best time to have another baby because the older sibling is more open emotionally to another child. They have not developed the jealousy and set-in-their-ways attitude that older kids have, but they’re more nurturing and gentle than younger kids. At least that’s what I hear.
So they mean baby arrives when older child is three or they get pregnant at 3? If we do get pregnant again, Penelope will probably be almost 5 by the time the baby comes, so it will be interesting to see what happens in that kind of age difference.
Stephanie, I know this is an old post, but I wanted to add a personal story. My niece was almost five when my nephew was born, and they are closer than any two children I have seen. My nephew unfortunately has some pretty serious food allergies, and my niece reads all the ingredients in any food he has before he puts it in his mouth. When he cries, he calls for sissy as much as momma or daddy. They hold hands in the car. They have such a loving relationship, and it’s really amazing to watch them interact.
I want a third, badly, and I’d like for them to be close in age. But I am soooo not ready to be pregnant again! This post makes so much sense to me. I also read a lot about postpartum care in other cultures and am so envious of the true recovery time they are afforded. Such wisdom….thanks for sharing.
Yeah,there are so many factors that come into play. I think 3 or 4 years apart is still pretty close in age, they will still be able to play with each other. I mean really, any age difference is fine, since we are not in control and they are all a blessing. God picks when our babies will come to us and how far the spacing will be, but its something to think about, how physically taxing it is to grow a human being!
I am so happy to have read this. My youngest is 2 1/2 and a few months ago I was wondering if I was ever going to start feeling normal again. I am just now starting to feel like my brain is working again and I’m starting to get back to my normal weight, and I am so happy to read that is does take a few years for this to happen. Thanks for the info, it at least made me feel better.
Glad it made you feel better! I think a big shift/healing happens at 18 months and 2 years, probably why most women do get pregnant around that time, but if we are talking 100% fully recovered, at least three years.
Thank you for writing about this. I really never thought about things this way even though I do a great deal of effort into my families health. I am three weeks post cesarian with our fourth child and was feeling a bit discouraged that I’m not bouncing back as quickly as the others. ( I know, after reading this I realize how ridiculous that sounds!) I should also mention this is our fourth child in five years..My poor, over worked uterus! So again, thank you for the dose of perspective and I am really going to try and remind myself of this especially in the next few weeks.
Thanks for reading! Um, yes three weeks pp is no time for bouncing back!  And in a couple of months, give that uterus some love! And congrats on baby number 4, what a blessing!!
I agree with Melanie. My husband and I have been talking about baby #2 since our DD turned 2 last August. I keep telling him that I still don’t feel like I’m ready physically, emotionally, and mentally. DD weaned herself about a month ago and I finally feel like I’m returning to my old self again. Baby #2 seems to be more feasible now that things are starting to return to normal with me and DD is becoming more independent (weaning, potty training, taking on small chores etc). For a while I began to feel a bit selfish for telling my husband that I simply wasn’t ready but your post made me feel much better about myself and our situation! Thank you!
Oh girl, it takes time. Keep on listening to your gut, you are doing great.
This post couldn’t have come at a better time. I have a just-turned 3 year old (in April) and a 14 month old and am feeling completely overwhelmed. I just was asking my husband if it was too late for postpartum because something just feels off. We aren’t sure if we are “done” however if we try for a third I will wait until the baby is about three so I can give my body and mind a reprieve.
Stephanie, my sister was almost six when I was born and I can’t imagine it any other way. Growing up it was a large age difference, but I always loved having an older sister. Heck, I got to visit her and spend the night in her college dorm from when I was in 7th grade… It was amazing! Now, at 35 and 40, we’re best friends