 Now I try to keep it to once a week. I won’t tell you what I did when YouTube started.’
‘I probably do the same thing. All right, I like being noticed. I just don’t like the other stuff. I just wish they liked me instead of my image.’
‘One goes with the other. Face it, people want you. They have fantasies about you wanting them. Oh, this is my favourite picture of you.’
Owen slid into the seat beside Jason on the sofa. The picture was from the first set that Jimmy had taken, before he had become the Quinn Man. Only his face and the upper part of his body were visible in the picture. It was an ad for the shirt he was wearing. On the left side of the picture, a tree trunk cut diagonally across the image, obscuring one side of his face, its bark a rough contrast to the smoothness of his face.
‘Why that one? It’s not revealing.’
‘You say that as if you’re disappointed that I didn’t chose one of your nude shots.’
Owen slid down slightly and rested his head against Jason’s shoulder. The fabric of Jason’s shirt soft against his cheek. It was warm from Jason’s body. He rubbed his face against it two or three time before coming to rest. ‘Most people like the nudes. They like looking at my body.’
‘They’re okay. Sure I like looking at your body. But I felt I was intruding when I looked at those pictures. I guess I just want a more private view of you. This one, well, I suppose I like it because you look like the Owen I know.’ Jason traced the contour of Owen’s chin in the picture with the tip of a finger. ‘I wish you would look at me like that.’ Jason said that so softly that Owen wasn’t sure that he had heard.
‘What?’
Jason looked away, slightly embarrassed at being found out but equally as glad that he had made his feelings known. ‘Sorry, I have fantasies about you too. Don’t be angry.’
Owen sat up and drew apart from Jason. ‘I’m not angry. Just surprised. You’ve never said anything.’
‘Is it so surprising? I thought...’
‘What? What did you think?’
‘That you might know what I feel for you without my having to say anything. I guess I’m afraid that you don’t feel that way about me. That’s why I’ve never said anything. All your boyfriends and dates have always been as good-looking as you, and I thought maybe you feel that I’m not good enough for you.’ Jason finally looked at Owen, the expression on his face willing Owen to deny that statement.
The ache of Jason’s longing hung in the air between them. After a few seconds Owen moved closer again and wrapped his arms around Jason. But he had waited too long. It was a polite embrace where only a passionate one would have answered Jason in the way he wanted to be answered. Owen rubbed his palms up and down Jason’s back in a gesture meant to be comforting rather than arousing. When Jason tried to raise himself up to bring his face level with Owen’s, Owen put a hand on the back of Jason’s head and drew it into his neck. He didn’t want to risk what would follow a kiss. He owed Jason more than what would be at best charity.
Jason gave a slight sob of despair. ‘You’re so beautiful. I love you so much. I’ve wanted you for so long.’ It was, despite the words, an admission of defeat. He pushed himself back from Owen and said, ‘I’d better leave. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken.’ He ran out without looking back.
The magazine had fallen to the floor when Jason stood up. Owen picked it up and looked at his image. ‘You’re so beautiful. I love you.’ A statement of cause and effect. And what if he were not so beautiful, would anyone love him then? There were ugly people who were loved. He had seen them and wondered how they managed to generate such feelings. It was not something he could experience. His looks guaranteed that he was desired for them. Everyone wanted him for his looks, not for what he was inside. Sometimes he wasn’t sure that there was an inside, just the shell that everyone wanted.
‘I wish you would look at me like that,’ Jason had said of this picture. Others read so much into Owen’s all-regarding look of wonderment and pleasure. Some saw Owen’s frank gaze as an invitation for intimacy. Some fantasized an encounter with an understanding friend, the Mr Right everyone wanted. If this were a picture of someone else, Owen speculated, what would I feel? Would I want that person?
‘What do I want?’ he asked himself. Would it be enough to be able to pull Jason forward in answer to someone hitting on him and say, ‘I have a lover’? To say it with pride, the astonishment he felt at his own good fortune apparent to everyone. Would it be worse than what he had now?
He picked up his phone and pressed the keys for Jason’s number as quickly as he could lest he pause to consider what he was doing. The phone rang several times and then the recording cut in with its automatic invitation to leave a message. ‘Come back. Please. As soon as you can.’ Owen pushed the disconnect button and sat there with his mobile in his hand, waiting.At the least, I hope not. The issue let me reveal you to definitely june is on its way, so there merely are not many believe-light movie selection. I’m able to still rating regardless of the collection places during the myself, and some of it are certainly more difficult than just I’m supplied to possess. This is basically the case every summer, and each summer, I wind up placing some things to my Netflix waiting line simply because they I wasn’t capable of getting as a result of her or him just before they were delinquent. When the indeed there wasn’t day below from the 75, there was simply really subtitled existentialism that I am provided to own. We have had a vintage film station (read: Personal Domain name) on my Roku, therefore doesn’t have many nutrients from the way of funny. I have run through the comedies we own.
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