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I'll start us off with a silly one!
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"THAT'S A BIG-"
How are you feeling this morning? (Hugs)

TL;DR:  are you starting on a manic?  Be honest with your mom and talk to doctor asap!

I'm a mom and my son has BP2 with mixed states and he is trying to get to university next year:  been accepted, been accepted to the honors program, has a scholarship. 

We have talked about a gap year (he doesnt like the idea).  We have talked about him going to the local university where he is dual enrolled this year (doesnt like the idea because its a commuter campus).

So I understand your desire to get back to school. 

I see several problems with your current situation (correct me If I am wrong):

You don't feel like your parents are on your team, so you don't tell them fully what you are experiencing.

You have outpatient group, so I assume you have a doctor where you live who does your medical management.

You have no safety plan or "just in case" anti anxiety meds.  You had a script from the ER but you chose not to fill it.

You are currently in distress but chose not to wake your mom to tell her so maybe she could help.

What's up with your parents?  Why do you not trust them with the truth (aside because you want to go back to school?).  Do they not understand mental illness?  Are they jerks?  Do they have their own problems?  Do they judge you?  (Im trying to get a background).

Here's the thing:  your secrecy about symtoms is not getting you help.  Not having help is causing your symptoms to get worse. 

So you have unintentionally created a dysfunctional cycle that may actually prevent you from getting back to school. 

Your health and wellness need to come first.  I have told my son that I won't send him off to college unless I know he has all the tools to be safe, be successful and to thrive.  So while he HATES the idea of a gap year, he understands logically why that may happen.

He also knows he has to be completely honest and open with me about his moods and symptoms so I can get him the proper help to get him stable. 

My advice to you is to accept that you can't go back to school this semester: the semester is almost over anyway. How can you recover academically at this point?  You were recently hospitalized, and its clear you are not medically managed well at this point.

I'm sure that is all very hard to read. 

I think if you can't be 100% open and honest with your mom about your symptoms, you won't have the tools and support to be healed enough to be able to handle the stressors of school.

Im sorry if any of this defeats you or makes you feel bad, but I thought it would be best to tell you how I see it from my point of view as a mom very concerned about my child.  


ETA:  do you think this is the start of a mania?  The secrets, anxiety, burning desire to get back to school?  Once the manis starts, you know well I'm sure how it goes.  Please be honest with your mom or your group or your doctor so you can get the meds straight to prevent this manic or interrupt it if possible.4 edition of Computer security solutions found in the catalog.
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