 TV-PG-V ratings box clutters up the top left of my screen, we are treated to Vince leaving Shane in charge, Shane challenging Mankind, Shane getting his ass handed to him, Shawn holding back Team Corporate, Vince McMahon presenting Kane as the Christmas Bonus, and some footage which I presume was from last night's "Heat" as Vince told Kane he was *his* freak, followed by Kane saying "Thank you, Mr. McMahon."
Opening credits. I DEFY you to figure out them lyrics.
We are LIVE in the Pepsi Arena - the Arena of GeneratioNEXT! in Albany, NY 28.12.98 for the final RAW of 1998! Not only are we closed captioned, but en espanol donde sea disponible (courtesy Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savitovich). Your English speaking hosts are a pair of Kings, Michael King Cole, and Jerry the King Lawler and we are broadcast on USA and TSN (more or less) LIVE.
Backstage, we see Mr. McMahon talk about firing Commissioner Michaels later tonight, and promising that everybody responsible for Mankind putting his hands on Shane last week will get theirs tonight. Then they enter the bowels of the building(tm) to find Mankind. Eventually, they do, as Mankind attacks - but they quickly swarm on him and present him to Mr. McMahon. McMahon reveals that his new year's resolution is to be kinder and gentler, even to Mankind - so tonight he's going to get a shot at the Hardcore title. As they walk out, the Outlaws' music plays - Vince asks what the hell is this? Shane says Commissioner Michaels already scheduled a Hardcore title defense tonight - Vince says "we'll see about that..."
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. VAL VENIS for the Hardcore Championship - James says it anyway, yippee. "Hello ladies, you know something for the next couple of days, this leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be known as New Year's - so ladies, why don't you come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays.." - Back and forth punch punch punch to start. Venis takes him down, head meets the turnbuckle, whip, duck, jukin' and jivin' punchin' and breakin' from the Dogg. Big back bodydrop. Wobbly kneedrop (sucks). 1, 2, no. Whip, reverse, Venis spinebuster. Punches in bunches. Head meets the turnbuckle again, another right. Arm wringer, whip, charge, miss. Lotsa rights from James and TEAM CORPORATE is walking to ringside. Meanwhile, Venis is back, whip, follow knee to the gut, repeat, side Russian legsweep. Bump'n'grind and Test is in - BULLDOG! Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner calls for the bell - which answers the riddle, "how do you get a DQ in a no-DQ match?" (2:03) As Shamrock, Bossman and Test take the boots to Venis while Kane watches, D-GENERATION X storms the ring to join the Dogg. "Well, well, well, it seems to me -" VINCENT K. is out. "Road Dogg, due to circumstances beyond your control Road Dogg, this match is officially over. Not to worry however, because later on Road Dogg, you will be defending your Hardcore Championship, but it won't be - it won't be, Mr. Dogg, against Val Venis, oh no. You will be defending your Hardcore title later tonight against your newfound friend, Mankind. Now as far as all of DX is concerned - X-Pac for bronco busting my son Shane last week in the ring, we just started with you, pal, and that goes for each and every one of the members of DX. Every one of you is gonna pay. Nobody ridicules the McMahon family, NOBODY laughs at my son, Shane. NOBODY. And by the way, apparently there's a little DX left in the Commissioner Shawn Michaels as well, because Michaels, not only did not come to the aid of my own flesh and blood, an innocent young man simply doing his job, simply doing in essence what is his birthright, no, Michaels actually held the Corporation back from coming down to help my son. The moment Commissioner Michaels arrives in this arena, if I have to drag him down this ramp myself, I will, and I'm gonna put him in the ring, and I'm gonna humiliate him, and I'm gonna publicly fire his ass, just like I wish I could do each and every one of you." The DX theme plays as Hunter appears to disrobe - fortunately we cut to a shot of the Kings. Tonight, X-Pac vs. Bossman! Gunn vs. Godfather! Helmsley vs. Shamrock! Sable defends the Women's title! And another Hardcore title defense against Mankind! And Shawn gets fired! Don't you DARE change the channel!
Backstage, Al Snow rants and raves - he apparently hasn't washed out any of that technicolour blood he received last week.
While Mr. McMahon talks to Kane, Patterson and Brisco crack each other (and me) up by making faces behind Kane's back. Vince catches Patterson, and Brisco shows righteous indignation. Funny. McMahon promises that Kane will make sure every member of DX falls one by one, and he's got another one tonight, right? Kane pauses - then nods.
The 1999 Rumble Royale comes to you through the kind courtesy of 10-10-220! Actually Cole said 1998 but I think he's just clueless.
AL SNOW (with Head) v. EDGE (you think you know him, but really you don't) - Head has been shaved (?) and Snow is still a vision in red. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Snow got up from his pool of blood and said "Not again, not again" or whatever it was. Edge comes out through the crowd to his cool music. Snow attacks like a madman, which is the idea, I guess. Edge goes out, Snow follows, Edge takes charge, whip reversed and Edge runs his shoulder into the STEEL post. Snow with slaps and a choke, causing referee "Blind" Theodore Long to come out and break it up. Back in we go, Edge with a whip and a dropkick. Snow says "Look what I've done!" and Edge punches and kicks anyway.  Scoop slam - Snow goes to the top - moonsault! No cover? Snow continues to yell at Head, then he goes outside and comandeers a chair - in we go - Snow up to the top - Edge pops up and puts Snow on his shoulders - forward slam and Snow lands on the chair - Edge to the top rope - senton misses. Snow with repeated heabutts, to the corner, even more headbutts. He pushes Peanuthead! Snow has Head - shot, repeated Head shots - FINALLY the bell is called for (DQ 2:49) and CHRISTIAN & GANGREL come out to take charge. Now the J.O.B. SQUAD is out to retake charge - Snow PASTES Duane Gill with Head and walks out through the crowd (the shot on Gill is completely missed by the commentators, oh well). The Brood's music plays as a cartload of refs break things up - we see Edge on the ramp, a weird grin on his face.
Backstage, Sable is stretching. Oh boy.
Gotta love the Glove, for Glover presents the Slam of the Week - from Survivor Series, Sable with the Sablebomb on Jacqueline to win the WWF Women's title.
In the locker room, we see Dennis Knight talking to X-Pac. Apparently, Knight said "*he* told me to be here" when X-pac asked why he was around. Reading between the lines, I guess Mark Cantebury is gone for good. Too bad, I'm gonna miss the ol' pigger.
(THE LOVELY) SABLE v. SPIDER LADY for the Women's World Championship - Sable is accosted by a fan prior to the match - oh, so THERE'S that Terri Power chick I've been wondering where she is. Anyway, we're not supposed to know who it is, just "a fan" who hands Sable a yellow rose and is quickly skirted away by security - Sable looks puzzled. Lawler reminds us that the last time we saw Spider Lady, it was Moolah - trust me, it AIN'T Moolah this time. Before the bell, Spider Lady totally THROTTLES Sable on the ropes, then kicks a field goal with her ribs. Another big kick.  Sable hasn't looked this great in a LONG time. Finally, the ODDITIES are out to hold back the - whoa, she unmasks and it's LUNA TUNES! She goes for Sable one more time before thy stop her. Hey, there's George Steele! I need to watch "Heat" some more, I think, when did HE join that group. Anyway, Luna walks off, yelling "it's about me! It's about what *I* deserve!" as the Oddities check on the Champ. I guess this means