Social Media Overload |
November 12, 2015 ~ Sara W.	~ 2 Comments	
I truly enjoy reading books with my children. This should come as no surprise after my Read to Your Child post. Picture books with a good message are my weakness. One of my favorites is a Cautionary Tale of Flattery called The Spider and the Fly . On my last trip to the library, I had the pleasure of finding Elephant in the Dark . Prior to reading it, I knew nothing of this book nor the story it was based on, which is commonly called “Blind men and an elephant.” It’s truly a fascinating perspective, and ironically, once I explain the gist of the story, it has several different interpretations.
There are several variations of the story, as I’ve learned from my Google research. Seeing as how the version of Elephant in the Dark by Mina Javaherbin is the one that piqued my interest, I’ll summarize her version the best I can. The story begins with Merchant Ahmad, who brings a mysterious creature back from India. The news spreads in the village and everybody wants to see the creature, but Ahmad is too tired from his journey, and explains that it is too dark in his barn to see the animal at this time. The villagers, not taking no for an answer, decide to sneak into the barn and take a look for themselves. One by one, they go in, and each of them touches a different part of the elephant (a tail, a tusk, a trunk, etc.). Since they each only touched one part of it, they come back out reporting the creature was like something completely different from what another person had declared. Then it reads, “All day long they called each other names and fought to prove each other wrong. Into the night no one listened, but everyone shouted and shoved.” Then, the next day Ahmad awakes and takes the creature to the river, which we now see is an elephant, but the villagers are still too busy fighting to see the creature appear. The last line reads, “And no one noticed they each knew only a small piece of the truth.”
As I finished reading Elephant in the Dark , I concluded that every adult needs to read this book. My Facebook has become so cluttered with who’s right and who’s wrong, that it’s disheartening. I realize you already heard my rant on this topic in Accentuate the Positive, but this book just brought it to the forefront of my mind again. It also reminded me of this quote I read by the US Secretary of Agriculture and 13th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Ezra Taft Benson. He said, “Pride does not look up to God and care about what is right. It looks sideways to man and argues who is right.” Religious or not, the idea that being right is more important than the whole truth gets us nowhere as a society.
Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t have an adamant opinion on all things. Starting this blog made that more evident in my life. I knew if I had a more extreme opinion on a matter, I could draw a larger audience. Shock factor sells, right? At first I thought I was just too ignorant to form an opinion on hot topics. Then I realized, it’s that I can see where others are coming from, for the most part. I’m not perfect in this way by any means. But I would like to believe that I don’t just go into the barn, feel one part of the mysterious creature, and assume I know all based on that single instance. I have opinions on all sorts of things, don’t get me wrong, but I also understand that it’s my opinion. Some of my opinions have facts to back them up, some don’t. The last thing I want to do though is ever express my opinion in such a way that demeans somebody else’s viewpoint. I don’t want to fight about who is right. I’m okay with learning more about the whole creature. But, I’m also okay with being considered wrong in someone else’s eyes. On that same note, I’m also okay being wrong in my own eyes. For me, it’s not about who is right, but what is right. Because of that thinking process, I’m not afraid to learn more. I want to understand the whole creature. Period.
I love one of the interpretations of this story, made into a poem by Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet,which Elephant in the Dark is based on. Rumi’s poem ends with, “If each had a candle and they went in together the differences would disappear.” I think of that line and wonder what our world would look like under those circumstances. I imagine, as it pertains to this story, we would all be unified in understanding it was an elephant, but we would still have our opinions on the creature. Perhaps one person would find the elephant ugly, and another would find it breath-taking, but both would agree it was an elephant. Neither person needs to be wrong in their feelings towards the elephant. We can respect differing interpretations of the creature, while simultaneously agreeing that there is a greater truth that there is no disputing.
Oh, how I hope I was able to express my feelings on Elephant in the Dark and it’s greater meaning. The concept was over my toddler’s head, as I read the book to him. But, I’ve found myself reading it over and over on my own. There is much to take away and ponder about this story. Take a moment and reflect on the story, if you have some time. I would love to hear other’s feelings on the matter.
Screen Time Guilt
June 26, 2015 ~ Sara W.	~ 2 Comments	
My three-year-old had his annual check-up a few months ago and they handed me a form to fill out about his development. I knew they would have a question about his amount of screen time and I knew I did not want to answer it honestly. The question was specifically worded like this, “Do you limit screen time for your child?” My husband was next to me, as I was filling out the form. He said, “Nope.” I said, “Yes, I do.” Granted, I don’t limit it as much as I should, but if I have to hear twenty billion times a day, “Can I watch TV?” then that means I have taken some measures to limit it. Of course, we still got “the speech” about too much screen time from our pediatrician, since I fessed up that it was more than 2 hours a day. I get it. I really do. Too much screen time is bad for our children (and ourselves), but I’m tired of the screen time guilt I feel every time I say ‘yes’ to the TV or iPad. Frankly, I’m tired of the guilt that I feel for every shortcoming I have as a mother.
Here’s the deal. I’m working on my 50 Fabulous Summer Bucket List Items along with the twenty additional ones I have that are location specific, and we are flying through them. We’ve been to a rodeo, had a water balloon fight with some 30+ kids, gone on several picnics, gone camping, visited a fish hatchery, attempted letter-boxing (couldn’t find it), gone on a surrey ride as a family, had a lemonade stand and a garage sale, hosted a talent show with friends, drawn sidewalk chalk drawings, played board games, gone to our local outdoor swim facility, eaten snow cones, taken a trip to a local lake, played at a water splash pad, been working on our library’s reading program, gone to the $1 movies at Regal Cinemas (saw Annie, which was really quite enjoyable), gone swimming at a friend’s pool, built an indoor fort, and my daughters are in the middle of writing and illustrating their own stories, among other things. Yet still, they probably average 4-5 hours of screen time everyday. Depending on when they wake up, they sometimes get two hours of TV time before I’ve even rolled out of bed. It’s terrible, I get that. But I feel like a Cruise Entertainment Director and sometimes I just need my kids to sit and chill and not fight. So, why must I feel the screen time guilt every time that happens?
Is there an escape from said guilt? Because I imagine even if I just let them veg out with a screen for only two hours, I would still feel guilt for those two hours. I feel guilt every time that I am not 100% engaged with my children. I’m really good at this whole guilt thing, apparently. I get that I am going to miss these days. Actually, my eldest is already old enough that I do miss those days when she was a baby and it was just her, and she was my shopping partner and listening ear when I talked to myself in the stores about the products I planned on buying. I already miss her chubby little hands that looked like they had been screwed on her arms since she had a huge crease between the two. I already miss how she would say “Hokey Pokey” instead of Pinocchio. You see, I get that time flies. It’s racing faster than I can process. But sometimes, time drags. It drags on those days when I just don’t feel well, when my husband works long hours for days on end, or when my children bicker endlessly. And on those days, which is most days at least one point in the day, screen time sounds lovely.
All that being said, I do turn off the TV and make my kids go fight about what to play with each other. Even worse, I make them clean up their messes. Their messes that obviously prove they are not having screen time all day or else the messes wouldn’t be there in the first place, right? My house is too much of a disaster from children’s items for my kids lives to be entirely dedicated to screens. Is it odd that the mess gives me a bit of relief as it is an indicator that my children still know how to imagine and create? Or the paper scraps? Oh my heavens! The paper scraps around my house. I’m convinced there is a forest missing somewhere due to my girls alone, and yet the screen time guilt remains. You see it doesn’t seem to matter how much I do to keep my kids busy or what they do to keep themselves busy, at the end of the day, I just seem to focus on the hours of screen time they should not have had.
The real reason that screen time guilt hits me, is because I know they’re missing out on stuff, just like I’m missing out on stuff when I spend hours checking (and re checking) social media. I get that we have less time to engage with one another when I so quickly say ‘yes’ to screen time. One Sunday, a couple of weeks ago, I was frustrated as I looked around and noticed that every family member, aside from my baby, was on a screen. That’s not the type of life I want to live either, y’know? I made everybody get off their screens and talk to each other. I realize that I don’t do that enough. And that is where the guilt comes from.
So, dear readers, help me out. How do I rid myself of screen time guilt for the times that we all just want to veg? And how do I better moderate the screen time use so that we don’t miss living life to the fullest? Before I open myself up to judgment, please consider that my baby still takes two naps a day and my three-year-old cannot engage with someone else without screaming at the top of his lungs at some point, whether it be in frustration or happiness. He is loud. So, half the time the TV is on as a tool to keep him quiet and the baby sleeping.
My daughter’s annual check-up was just last week and I had to answer the same question. This time, I told the pediatrician, “She is on a screen more than she should be and less than she wants to be.” That answer didn’t suffice the doctor either. I was given “the speech” again. At the next check-up, I want to answer the question with more honesty and less guilt. Can I have both without removing all screens from our home?
I had the pleasure of attending the concert of one of my favorite bands, Dave Matthews Band, the other night. It was my seventh time seeing them live, but this was by far the most intimate venue I had seen them at. I had the opportunity to get up close to the stage. And, as most excited fans would, I wanted to capture the moment with my phone. Sadly, my phone had 1% remaining of its charge. I snapped a few shots before I shared the news with my husband that my phone had died. His response, “Uh-oh, looks like you’re going to have to live in the moment now.” A woman standing in front of us overheard him and chimed in with, “Now you can enjoy the concert the best way. Congratulations!” Now, if you know me, you know I am often taking pictures. My friends joke that I am the unofficial photographer for their families when we are hanging out together. Mind you, I’m not good at taking them, but I do like to be able to catch the joy of the moment. However, I get what my husband and this stranger were pointing out. I do tend to get carried away and miss out on the beauty of just being in the moment.
As the concert went on, I, the usual photo taker, grew irritated with the many people who had their phones up to take pictures or video almost constantly. I found myself watching the concert through their phone screen versus being able to see the concert firsthand. One woman even held up an iPad, not a mini one either, to take video. Seriously, woman? Even I know that violates photography etiquette. I’m not saying I was suddenly converted by the remarks of my husband and said stranger, but I did my best to embrace all the wonder and excitement that was around me. Still, there were a couple times I was wishing my phone hadn’t died yet. This makes me wonder, is there a happy medium? And, if so, where is it?
I find it funny that the time in your life that warrants the most capturing, which to me is when you’re raising young children, is when you have so little time to write down all the milestones and events in yours and their lives. I want to always remember that my girls tell me, “Don’t wrestle any alligators in your sleep,” as part of our bedtime ritual. They got this silly statement from their Dad and it still makes me smile. I want to remember the tone and tenderness of the way my toddler simply says, “Thank you, Mommy.” I want to remember the piggy noises my infant son makes. I want to remember all of these things. And I’m afraid my memory alone may not be sufficient. So, I try to capture what I can. And, sometimes when I get really lucky, somebody captures the moment for me, while I’m living in it.
Let’s be honest though, this isn’t just about me taking pictures. This whole “living in the moment” concept extends to the overuse of social media and all the distractions it brings as well. I am so bad about getting sucked in to catching up on people’s lives via Facebook and Instagram. It’s really quite sad. My silly task-oriented self feels this sick need to see every recent update before closing out of Facebook. I have this silly fear that I’m going to miss out on somebody’s engagement announcement, or baby arrival, or health issue, or whatever the case may be. Oh, how I need to work on this part of my life. I’m assuming I’m not alone? If I am alone, tell me how you do it? How do you make a point to focus on the priorities and live in the moment? Perhaps my excessive picture taking and social media checking is more rampant right now since I am smitten by the precious expressions of my newborn and feeding him every 3 hours, which seems to pass by faster when my phone entertains me? Although, who am I kidding? This issue is not a new one in my life.
So, what say ye, dear readers? Any ideas on how to better live in the moment and simultaneously capture the moment? Do you snap a few pictures and then hope your battery dies on your camera or phone? Do you set a time limit for social media use (which I tried and failed at)? Do you shut off your phone completely at the same time everyday? I feel like I keep trying to find a way to let go and make the most of the moment and my time, but something keeps pulling me back in.
I tend to lose sight of the proper balance and I need your help! How do I capture the moment without it preventing me from living in the moment?
You Do What You Value
March 12, 2014 February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W.	~ Leave a comment	
As mentioned in my previous post, I am working on improving myself as a blogger. Part of that involves building my content on my own blog. This is why I plan to sprinkle in some of my posts here that were originally shared on Over the Big Moon. This particular post was from September of last year. Here it is, in case you missed it!
Sometimes we begin and then begin again. A couple years back, I received advice from my therapist when I was feeling particularly down. She asked me what the top three things were that I valued most. I told her my Faith, my family, and my friends. She followed up that question with, “Do your daily actions support the things you value most?” I knew instantly that my actions did
not match my values. It’s not that I don’t give those three aspects of my life attention, but certainly not in a manner that would reflect it as my top three core values.
I’ll be the first to admit, I get sucked in to my smartphone, social media, and pure laziness. I walked out of my therapist’s office that day with a goal to have my values and actions line up more appropriately. Sadly, I quickly fell back in to old habits.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago. A friend and I were discussing the pitfalls of social media and the smartphone. We confessed to each other that we wasted far too much time on our devices and didn’t tend to our home and family like we ought to be. We both decided to create goals that we could easily track. We used an app (ironic, right?) called Habit Goal Monitor. You can get it for free. We plugged in our goals and revitalized our efforts to have our actions and values align.
Then this past weekend, as my goals were looking bleak, I saw this piece of paper hanging on a wall in my church building that read: VALUES – You do what you value. You value what you do. If you don’t do it, you don’t value it.
Hello, Not-So-Subtle Reminder, thank you for joining me. I could easily have felt defeated at this point. It felt like a reprimand. I decided to look at it as a little nudge to begin again. Pick up where I am and keep going.
In my effort to honor the things that I value, I am trying to have personal and family scripture study daily, I am looking up at my children more even when they are doing the mundane, and I am putting the phone down when there is an opportunity for personal communication with loved ones.
I had a moment this past Thursday where my values and actions were in sync. I decided to act out the scriptures that I was reading to my kids before school. They found it hysterical that their Mom was up on a chair trying to be as a Prophet speaking from a tower. The result was a positive experience with my girls that they brought up throughout the day and even shared with friends.
I don’t plan to act out the scriptures every morning, but seeing the impact that had on my children motivates me to create more opportunities like that in their lives. I’ll stumble, of course. But I imagine what kind of woman I could be if my values and actions were perfect reflections of one another. If it feels as uplifting as it did that Thursday morning, then I will begin and begin again.
Forgive Me for What I Did Not Do
January 7, 2014 February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W.	~ Leave a comment	
The other night, as I was snuggling with my husband and girls, my eldest told me that I spend too much time paying bills, being on my computer, and on my phone and not enough time playing with my family. Her words struck me to the core. I know she’s right. Social media outlets are my weakness. Half the time I check them out of habit and boredom more than interest. It’s really quite sad. The real heartbreak though is that I obviously failed to uphold my Testimony of Children goals I made for myself.
I think one of the problems is that I tried to track my media use in minutes. I think I need to base it more on visits. My new, and hopefully more realistic goal, is to allow myself three check-ins with social media. I’ll save one for my morning, one for mid-day, and one for evening. I’m sure this still sounds excessive to some, but it’s currently much more frequent than that. In addition to managing my social media, I’m going to try to keep my bill paying and writing for times when it does not take away from family time. For instance, all the kiddos are either in school or napping right now. This is a perfect time to work on some things for me.
Since my eldest’s remarks, I have been more cognizant of my screen time. But my short-comings on the matter came to the forefront of my mind again as I was saying my bedtime prayers last night. I was reflecting on the things I needed to repent for in my day, when I realized that it was not so much what I did that I needed to ask forgiveness for, but it was more of what I didn’t do. Checking Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest are not sinful activities. However, missing out on opportunities to nurture my relationship with my children is quite remorseful.
It’s not just my children that I’m missing out on though, it’s life in general. When I get feeling low, I tend to hide and withdraw from the world around me. I base my connections on those that I can keep at a virtual distance. I engage less with my children, my husband, and loved ones around me. I isolate myself to protect myself. Sometimes the cloud over me lifts on it’s own accord and sometimes I get a stinging wake-up call to encourage me to work harder at pulling myself out of it. This time I think I owe my eldest my gratitude for helping me see that what I was feeling internally was inadvertently being felt by all those around me.
As I’ve been looking for ways to break free from my sluggish and blue emotional state, I’ve reflected on the fact that all the things that make me feel better are things that I don’t initially want to do. Why is that? I remember as a young teenager, I never wanted to go to church. I would dread those Sunday mornings and drag my feet. However, by the time I walked out of the church building, I always felt rejuvenated and inspired. I came out feeling better. It’s the same with exercise. I hate to exercise. I really, really do. Yet whenever I complete a workout or even a simple walk, I feel more energized and optimistic.
I feel the same way about playing with my kids sometimes. I know that sounds bad, but I’m just not very good at playing. I never have been. Even when I was a kid, I was known for wanting to hang out with the adults. Sure, I had Barbies and My Little Ponies, but I tired quickly of those activities. My imagination is very limited for some reason. I think that’s why the idea of playing with my kids doesn’t always sound appealing. I enjoy my kids company and love to do stuff with them, but just sitting around a playing isn’t easy for me. But, just as with church and exercise, I feel so much better when I get down to their level and play in their world.
So, in honor of my resolution for this Bright New Year, I’m going to try to bring the bright into our home by doing what doesn’t come easy to me. I’m going to try to incorporate walks more, increase my time focused on spiritual matters and set aside more time to play with my family, per my eldest’s suggestion. I’m beginning to see a pattern here that things worth working for are truly the most rewarding and fulfilling ways to engage in the world around you.
October 30, 2013 February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W.	~ 1 Comment	
I am a big supporter of traditions. My Mom did an amazing job of having all sorts of fun things to look forward to at various times of year. One of my favorites was our first day of school tradition. When our first day ended, we would return home to the delicious smell of homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven. Those chocolate chip cookies were amazing. My Mom used the Nestle Toll House recipe. However, she must have added a heavy dose of Love in there, as they never taste as good when I try to replicate them. Regardless of my abilities, I make chocolate chip cookies for my girls every year for their first day of school.
Another tradition that has been carried on in our home due to it’s memorable role in my childhood is my Mom’s Halloween Sugar Cookies. I still have the cookie cutter she used. It’s such a pain to use since it’s not just an outline cut-out. It’s a cookie cutter that pushes in a darling little pumpkin face, which then gets covered up by frosting. It’s such a shame that nobody can see the detail of the cutout, but I still use it because my Mom did. I also still use raisins to make the Jack-o-Lantern face since that’s what my Mom used. Even though most people prefer and suggest that I use chocolate chips instead, I stick with tradition. I really am painfully loyal to the tradition.
That all being said, I think it’s important that we reevaluate the traditions we carry on in our lives. I make my Mom’s sugar cookies using her cutout for half of the batch and then finish the dough off making cookies that are smaller and easier to produce. I honor the tradition but I also strive to prevent the tradition from overwhelming me to the point of unnecessary stress.
Sometimes we risk traditions losing their meaning when we get carried away with them. I’m not sure who is to blame for this epidemic of quantity and perfection over meaning and reflection when it comes to traditions. My guess would be that Pinterest had a hand in it. While I am a supporter of Pinterest, I fear many women feel this need to do every tradition, craft, and holiday treat posted on there. I often become a victim myself. I almost have to avoid Pinterest completely during the holidays to protect myself from feeling like a failure of a Mom for not doing Elf on a Shelf, the Advent Calendar, Gingerbread Houses, homemade Christmas ornaments, Secret Santa, Caroling, the 12 Days of Christmas, and the like in the course of 25 days. I love traditions, especially the Christmas ones, but sometimes I feel like we overdo it and lose the spirit of the season or tradition.
Let me reiterate that I truly cherish traditions. I baked the Halloween cookies, we took the kids to a real Pumpkin Patch (a first for me), we carved pumpkins, and we’ll be dining on chili, cornbread, and hot dogs tomorrow evening, per tradition. I love providing meaningful traditions for my children.
But I wanted to remind readers, and myself, that we don’t have to do it all to prove ourselves in anyway. Sometimes beginning involves minimizing and being okay with ourselves for knowing our limits. I think Elf on a Shelf is a darling idea, but if I add that to my list of traditions, my children are going to wake up to one angry elf everyday in December.
As we continue through this fun holiday season, remember it’s okay to have your child come home with 20+ holiday goodie bags that other Moms made for the class when your accomplishment for the day consisted of getting your child to school with a warm jacket on. Embrace the traditions that have real meaning to you and your family. Begin letting go of the excess and treasure the simple traditions that beget warm memories rather than stress.
A Testimony of Children
I’m a woman of faith. The word testimony gets used a lot when discussing principles of Gospel Truths. My very loose definition of the word is that it means we have a sure knowledge of something. For example, I have a testimony of the power of prayer. I know that prayers work. I’ve seen the blessings there of time and time again.
Regardless of one’s stance on matters of faith, I think you can have a testimony of other matters. I once heard a Mom say she wanted to have a stronger testimony of her children. What a concept, right? Imagine trying to learn and understand your children in such a way that you truly know them.
As a Stay-at-Home Mom, you’d think I would know all about my kids. I’m with them constantly. I know how they like their food, I know what shows they like, I know that they will whine and complain when I ask them to clean-up, and I know that going to the park still gets cheers from each of them. I know them. But, do I? I want to know more about them. Each of them. Individually.
Recently, I’ve been so caught up in social media that I feel like my children’s lives are disappearing before my very eyes. I want to know more about my kids than I do about the eating habits of people that I once knew vaguely in High School. It’s pathetic really how I get sucked in to the social media world.
So, Step 1, we can have lots of fun. Oh wait! That’s New Kids On The Block. Although, they may be on to something. We’ll get back to their steps in a moment.
Step 1 – Monitor and time my social media activity. I’m giving myself 30 minutes a day. This might sound excessive to most. However, if you knew how much I was really on these sites, you’d realize that this is a significant decrease.
I started timing myself today. I used 8 minutes this morning. Then, I was sitting in the line for gas (it’s illegal to pump your own gas in the fine state of Oregon) and instinct told me to pick up my phone and check the social media circuit. The kids weren’t in the car so I figured it wasn’t taking away from anything anyway, right? Then, I recalled an article that I read this past May called How The Smartphone Killed The Three-day Weekend. It explained how constant media use is, “robbing our brains of critical downtime that encourages creative thinking.”
Creative thinking that I could be using to come up with fun things to do with my children. Which brings us back to New Kids on the Block, we can have lots of fun. I want to know what makes my kids laugh the hardest. I’m pretty sure it’s when they have my husband’s and my undivided attention. If that’s the case, I can so easily give them more of that and therefore more fun in their lives.
Step 2 – More dance parties. My kids love them and they do a world of good for all those involved. I know some of their favorite songs. Maybe if I listen and observe a little more, I can figure out what makes each of those songs their favorite songs. What is it that pulls them in and gets them grooving?
Step 3 – Individual time with each of them. I don’t just want a testimony of my children. I want a testimony of Abigail. A testimony of Vivian. A testimony of August.
Sometimes I forget that playing with my kids is part of my gig. I feel like I should be cleaning and budgeting and cooking and tending to matters of the home. I forget that playing with my kids is as much a part of me raising them as feeding them is. Somewhere I misled myself into thinking that playing with my kids is me slacking. I should be “working.” When in reality, playing with my kids may very well be the most important thing I do with them all day.
That being said, I’m going to go play. They’re outside my window making chalk drawings on the porch right now. I think there may be a flower that needs to be drawn by this Mommy.
I’m going to go strengthen my testimony of my children. Please share ways that you improve your relationship with your children.