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Explore alternatives to monogamy.
For the most part, monogamy has been the default setting of relationships for the last few hundred years. However, attitudes about what relationships can look like are changing. People are becoming more and more open to relationships that aren't traditional heterosexual couplings.
Polyamory, also called Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM for short), is becoming increasingly popular. If you've ever wondered if non-monogamous relationships are for you or if they're something you're interested in exploring for yourself or with a partner, keep reading.
Polyamory is not the same as polygamy. For starters, polyamory isn't illegal like polygamy is, and it's becoming a more common lifestyle. Polyamory doesn't involve any legally binding contracts. It's all based on consensual agreements between legal adults. Both partners are welcome to participate and have outside relationships, some that they share and some that they keep just to themself.
Polyamory is only one form of CNM. Swinging and open relationships also fall under the umbrella of consensual non-monogamy but have subtle differences. Swinging focuses on sexual encounters outside of your core relationship; polyamory focuses on romantic and sexual relationships independent of your primary partner. Open relationships and polyamory are relatively interchangeable, except that open relationships have a core partnership. Polyamory doesn't require you to have a primary partner. Instead, you can have a web of people you choose to surround yourself with or a select few.
Quote courtesy of Time
As we've established, polyamory is the practice of having multiple intimate relationships. Everyone has full knowledge and has freely consented to the arrangement. It's also not gender-specific. Anyone in the polyamorous setup can identify as any gender.
Dynamics vary from couple to couple, and there's no wrong way to have a poly relationship. In some setups, both partners see other people. In others, only one couple seeks extracurriculars. And some don't have a core couple pairing. So it all depends on what you and your partner(s) agree to how your relationship(s) will work.
Polyamory comes from the Greek prefix poly, meaning many, and the Latin "amor," meaning love. Polyamory, at its core, is about having multiple romantic/sexual relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Polyamory
Polyamory, like all relationships outside of monogamy, breaks from the norm. Breaking from the norm is enticing to some and intimidating to others. But if it's something you're serious about, the best way to approach this conversation is by being honest about what you want and leaving room for discussion.
Dr. Zhana is a professor of Human Sexuality at New York University. She is also the author of the online course Open Smarter, a resource for individuals and couples who want to learn more about non-monogamy and open relationships. On her website and blog, she offers this advice to people seeking to open their relationship up:
"Open relationships are more complex than monogamous ones; there are no role models, and there is very little information. It's easy to fuck up open relationships and cause a lot of pain and suffering for everyone involved."
You have to be forthcoming about what you're looking for, your expectations, and any limits or reservations you might have. Before you ever get started, discuss your boundaries and rules with your partner. If there are activities or topics you want to preserve for certain people, both partners must be aware of this.
Be prepared that CNM might not pan out exactly how you envision it. Pew Research Center found in a recent study that men are statistically less satisfied with their attention on dating apps than women. When evaluated by gender, 57 percent of men reported disappointment, while only 24 percent of women reported feeling dissatisfied. So keep this in mind when you're considering opening up your relationship and what kinds of activities you're looking to engage in with current or future partners.
While polyamory can be for anyone, not everyone is interested in exploring it. Some poly couples only have one partner who sees other people, which is a valid form of poly. But if your partner has no interest in seeing other people and would prefer that you didn't either, you either need to respect their wishes or reconsider if they're the right person for you. Bullying or coercion is not a good foundation for building this new part of your relationship.
The important thing is that everyone is consenting and conscious of participating.
If you need more resources on starting or enhancing your CNM relationship, conciouspolyamory.org has a helpful list.
Posted	by: Lion's Den	sexuality , sex , sex tips , gratitude , body positivity , holiday , relationships , communication Comments
If you stop to think about it, it's a pretty miraculous thing that our consciousness exists in a physical body.
Humans are very tactile creatures, and we have our bodies to thank for that. Taste, touch, smell, sound, and sight are what inform our experienced reality while we’re still on this side of the hereafter. Our senses are what allow us to experience pleasure.
Aside from being tactile, humans are sexual creatures. We are born sexual beings! Our sexual identities, sexual desires, and sexual pleasure is an important part of the human experience. These aspects of ourselves shape our relationships with each other and ourselves.
The ability to explore and enjoy your sexuality deserves to be celebrated. You can show appreciation for your sexuality just by enjoying it, and acknowledging that you’re in control of what it is that makes you feel fulfilled and empowered. There’s something exciting about knowing you have the power to grant yourself your own satisfaction. That’s special. The next time you’re getting down with yourself or with a friend, keep that in mind.
A mindset of appreciation will help to combat feelings of awkwardness or shame you might be harboring around sex. You get to be a sexual being. You are a sexual being. And you are unique in your sexuality while also being very human. While your sexuality is personal to you, it’s natural to humans. Your sexuality is something worth integrating into your mental health and wellness practices instead of isolating it.
If you don’t feel in touch with your sexuality right now, or even if you don’t feel that connected to your body, you can still find ways to find gratitude in your body. Your senses help you experience that which gives life pleasure. You can taste, see, smell, touch, and/or hear all of the wonderful things in the world around you. It’s the little things. Enjoy them.
Editor's note: We recognize that not every person has the same abilities. While we list all the senses above, some may experience sensations and pleasure differently than you, and it is worth examining ways in which we can create pleasure outside of heteronomativity and ableism. We encourage you to explore beyond what you already know about pleasure to understand all the magificant ways we can experience it.
While appreciating your own body and sexuality, remember to express your gratitude for your partner if you have one. It’s a big deal to allow another human access to your body. Let them know that you understand this, and you’re grateful to have been allowed into this deeply personal part of their life.
Thank them, and thank them specifically. Acknowledge exactly what it is you love about them and what you appreciate about them. This will not only boost their confidence but also help to create a dynamic where you see each other’s value and work to make them continue to feel valued. Gratitude has a way of reshaping your mental landscape, helping you to see and appreciate the good more than you’re bothered by the bad.
Give yourself permission to indulge and luxuriate in your senses this holiday season. Take some extra time to stop and smell the proverbial roses. You don’t get to enjoy the seasonal good food, good smells, and good vibes every day, so appreciate this festive time of the rolling year. You deserve it.
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