comparison of foster care and kinship care
When I spoke recently at the Michigan Association of Foster, Adoptive and Kinship Families (MAFAK) I listened to many foster parents talking about the number of children they have brought into their homes. I realized during these conversations how foster parents face the constant challenge of saying hello and good-bye to their foster children. I don’t know about you but I find transitions a challenge that require me to adjust internally and externally.
With foster families, everyone in the family must adjust to the child coming “into” the family and to the child “leaving” the family. This becomes more challenging when you factor in the transitional challenges faced by the foster child. To be a foster child means someone abandoned, rejected, neglected or abused you. Every foster child deals with some kind of deep trauma related to loss and the foster family will need to deal with their foster child’s deep hurts which may well adversely affect their brain and nervous system, and so their emotional reactions and behavioral responses.
Whenever a child enters a family it changes the family dynamics, even when it is the birth of the parents own biological baby. So, when a foster baby, toddler or child enters a family, adjustments need to be made. As the family adjusts, attachments are made and relationships deepen. One of the goals of foster care is to return the child to their family of origin if possible, this means despite the adjustments, attachments and relationships built there will be,in all likelihood, a “good-bye.” I will discuss the challenges of saying good-bye in my next posting, but for now let me acknowledge how difficult this can be for everyone involved, not just the foster child. So, if you are a foster parent or know someone who is, understanding and support are needed to move through these transitions of beginnings and endings.
I don’t believe there is a bigger calling in life than to give a child a chance at having a meaningful life by belonging to a family who truly loves him or her, whether that is his family of origin or whether it is a foster family.
Some Holiday Advice for Foster Families
Rogers Memorial Hospital with locations in several of Wisconsin’s larger cities offered some very wise Holiday advice to foster families. I would like to summarize some of their wisdom for you to consider as the Holidays approach.
The holidays are generally thought of as a wonderful time of the year, particularly for children. We associate Christmas with gifts, Santa Claus, Christmas trees, family and merriment. Unfortunately, many aspects of the holidays serve to remind foster children of what they don’t have, what they never had, or what they are longing for.
Foster children, of course, miss their biological families during the holidays. Most children have secret landmarks in their mind that serve to keep their hope up – for instance, children may tell themselves “I’ll be home by Christmas” – and when those landmarks come and go and the child is still not home, there is often a great disappointment that gets expressed behaviorally. To add to this, children may be promised lavish gifts by biological parents at visits. These promises are not always met, which, of course, leads to more disappointment.
For many foster children, Christmas traditions are celebrated for the first time when they are in foster care. While they may enjoy putting up a tree and getting gifts, it can also be very overwhelming. Keep in mind that children are almost always loyal to their biological parent, no matter what abuse or neglect they may have suffered at their hands. To enjoy Christmas at a foster home can feel like a betrayal – and this “betrayal” can elicit feelings of guilt and shame. The child may feel guilty that they are enjoying themselves while their biological parent suffers. Many foster children worry about their biological parents more than they let you know – keep this in mind when their reaction to your holiday traditions is different than you expected.
Foster parents often want to “make up for” the things their foster children have missed out on in their past. Avoid the temptation to over-spend and over-buy to make your child’s Christmas a happy one. Too many gifts can be overwhelming for children who are used to having very little. Many children in foster care carry a lot of shame, and may not feel “worthy” of the gifts they are given. In these situations, the feelings are almost never expressed verbally. It is more common for the gifts to be broken; for the foster family’s efforts to be sabotaged.
Rather than lavishing your children with gifts this year, make efforts to teach them the values conveyed in the “Spirit of Christmas.” Ask them how their biological family celebrated the holidays and what traditions they would like to carry into their future; or perhaps create together with you. Talking about the events at Christmas and asking questions can help your child to verbalize feelings about not being with their biological parents over the holidays.
Above all, keep your expectations realistic. Do not expect a “perfect” holiday. Do not expect a perfectly-behaved, very grateful child. Even our biological children can disappoint us when we expect gratitude. Your foster children are likely to have a lot of mixed-feelings this holiday which is likely to be reflected in their behavior. Carve enough time and space into your holiday schedule to talk these things through and normalize them with your foster child and with your extended family. This Christmas, give your foster child something they never had – but don’t make it something that comes in a pretty package. A gift from the heart…from yours to theirs!
Gifts from the heart are usually made and given with sentiment. Baking your foster child’s favorite cookies; or letting him or her pick out the Christmas tree; or light the Hannukah candles, or create a celebration for Kwanza. These are the gifts which will long be remembered by you and your foster children.
Wishing you and your children life’s finest blessings during the Holiday Season and throughout the New Year!
Federal Law Offers Flexibility
The federal Fostering Connections to Success Act of 2008 aims to improve the well-being of children served by public child welfare agencies, particularly children in foster care, those who leave foster care in their late teens, and American Indian and Alaskan Native children. The law:
Allows states to provide payments and receive federal reimbursement for relatives who are legal guardians, and provides grants so states can offer services to relatives caring for children.
Authorizes tribes to have direct access to federal funding to operate foster care, adoption assistance and kinship guardianship programs.
Expands federal support for adoption assistance.
Gives states the option to receive federal reimbursement for kids in foster care to age 21.
Requires that relatives be told when children are placed in care, siblings be kept together and transition planning is provided for older children who are about to leave foster care.
Requires plans for health care for children in foster care.
Requires states to consider children’s educational needs when they are placed in foster care.
Nina Williams-Mbengue tracks foster care issues for National Conference of State Legislators; October/November, 2009
A Discussion About Foster Care and Kinship Care
During the past 15 years, child welfare professionals have witnessed a rapid increase in the number of children placed with relatives. According to the most recent estimate from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCAR), there were 513,000 children in 0ut-of-home placements as of September, 2005 with 124,153 living with kin.
The primary influences on the growth of this placement option include: a persistent shortage of foster care homes; a shift in federal policy toward treating kin as appropriate caregivers with all of the legal rights and responsibilities of foster parents. The perceived benefits are that kinship care reduces the trauma children may experience when they are placed with persons who are initially unknown to them, and reinforces children’s sense of identity and self-esteem, which flows from their roots, their family history and culture
In 12 out of 64 counties in Colorado a kinship care study was conducted which found kinship care is strongly valued as an out-of-home placement option because they believe children are best served in the least restrictive environment and with family whenever possible. Each county takes the approach that kinship care helps to maintain family relationships and cultural ties while providing children with the opportunity for permanency, safety, wellbeing and stability.
In summary, after controlling for demographic and placement characteristics, children in kinship care in Colorado experienced as good or better outcomes than did children in foster care. Specifically, children in foster care were four times more likely to still be in placement, 10 times more likely to have a new allegation of institutional abuse or neglect, and six times more likely to be involved with the juvenile justice system.
Children in kinship care had significantly fewer placements and were seven times more likely to be in guardianship, whereas children in foster care were two times more likely to reunified with their biological parents.* These results yield important implications.
The department of social services should consider providing financial support to kinship caregivers in the same way they support foster parents. Based on these results, investing in parenting grandparents and other kinship caregivers provides better outcomes for the children involved. Legislators could identify what level of funding support is necessary for optimal kin placements. Foster care should continue to be an essential option, as children in these placements also experience positive outcomes and appropriate kin placements are not always available. Child welfare professionals also should develop strategies that increase kinship caregiver access to resources for themselves and the children in their care.
*Kinship Care v Foster Care, FamiliesInSociety.org/Newsletters.htm | ISSUE 3, 2008