Justin #Bieber Wins Egg Throwing Contest
I have a couple of odds and ends this morning. First up is a news item about Justin Bieber. Seems he must pay $80,900 in damages for his egg throw incident after pleading no contest to misdemeanor vandalism. You recall that he and his friends pelted his neighbor’s house with eggs. He must also serve two years on probation, complete five days of community service and attend a 12-week anger-management program.
What is not clear is whether Justin understood the charges and what “no contest” means. Rumor has it that he thought that the judge declared him the undisputed winner of the egg throwing contest. Many of us have played that game where two people toss an egg back and forth while stepping farther apart after each successful catch. The game ends when one person misses. Bieber thought he was playing that game by throwing eggs over the neighbor’s house. He thought he won. Apparently, there is no truth to the rumor that he thought the judge said “Ms. Dee Meaner”, a reference to one of his devoted fans.
The next news item concerns a bail-jumper who was arrested on his college campus after posing for a picture in the campus newspaper. He was interviewed about his opinion about the controversy over the Washington #Redskins' name. There is no truth to the rumor that he said that the #NFL teams should drop the name “Washington” because it implies a laid back – do nothing style that makes the team appear lazy. Now I have often blogged and tried to help stupid criminals stay out of trouble, but stupid criminals are so ubiquitous that it seems to be an overwhelming task. I will try once more. Here are some more rules for stupid criminals. If you have an outstand warrant for your arrest:
1. Do not pose for pictures in the news.
2. Do not give interviews.
3. Do not post selfies on social media or the internet.
4. Do not pose for pictures with the stolen goods or other evidence.
5. Do keep a low profile.
The Solution to the Drug Problem in America is at Hand
The drug problem in the US seems to have no easy solution. I have found most problems have simple solutions that are counter-intuitive, difficult to implement, or oblivious (the gorilla in the room). Upon closer examination, I find the solutions for the drug problem to be obvious. Here are my recommendations:
1. The government should be in the drug business. It is very profitable while the drug war is expensive and a losing battle. The US government should buy poppies and other drugs directly from the growers. They could then product the drugs and give it to users free – as much as they want. That would put the cartels out of business, kill the drug smuggling trade and overdose all the major users. Of course, all buyers must sign a waiver of medical treatment except for rehab. If drugs are free, other crimes would decrease as well.
2. Drug use in professional sports seems to be a major problem. I think we should allow one league in each sport to use drugs. Let’s see where it goes. We might discover that if done properly, drugs might enhance the players without serious side effects. We won’t know unless we try. After all, we let players drink and use tobacco even though we know the side effects.
Can Humor Bring Peace to the #Middle East?
War in the Middle East is a major issue that seems to leave no room for compromise. Yet the best solutions are counter-intuitive, simple but difficult, or oblivious (the gorilla in the room). The #Jews believe that they are God’s chosen people. The #Christians believe that no one can go to heaven unless they believe in Jesus. The #Muslims extremists believe that they should kill all non-believers.
I have examined all the sides of this issue and I think there may be room for compromise. Jesus was a Jew. Therefore, Christians are Jewish step-children. That means that they too are God’s chosen people. Muslims accept Jesus as a prophet. That makes all Christians Muslims followers and all Muslims Christian followers. Arabs (and therefore Muslims) and Jews share the same heritage. They are actually cousins. That makes Muslims also Jewish and chosen people. Jews are also Muslims and true believers. See! That wasn’t so hard.
I’ll get back to you when I figure out how these others fit into this scenario: Paganism, Buddhism, Hinduism, the Baha’i Faith, Shintoism, Confucianism, Zoroastrianism, Sikhism, and Jainism. I am sure there is a simple solution.
Simple Solutions for National #Gun Control
Sorry that this item is so late. I had serious problems with my computer.
Gun control seems to b e a major issue. Upon closer examination, I find the solutions for gun control are obvious. Here are my recommendations for gun control:
1. Constitutional Amendment. The #NRA and pro-gun supporters point out, correctly, that the Second Amendment to the US Constitution guarantees the Right to Bear Arms. Soooo, change the constitution. It’s not as if that hasn’t ever been done before. Just repeal the Second Amendment. That doesn’t mean people would have to relinquish their guns. It means they won’t have a constitutional right to them.
2. Limit the number of weapons that an individual can own. After the repeal of the second Amendment, the government should pass a law that limits how many guns one individual may own. I propose that every time someone purchases a gun, they must have one finger surgically removed. This would limit ownership to nine weapons (ten for people with extra pinkies). It would also discourage impulse buying or panic buying of guns. It will also help sellers to know how many guns the buyer already owns. Potential buyers will think twice about their purchase.
3. Limit the amount of bullets. I call this the Barney Fife Law. For each gun, owners would be allowed only one bullet. When they use it, they must return the casing for reloading. This would stop mass shootings, litter in the forest and reduce the crime rate (hard to rob a bank when the tellers know you have only one bullet. Muzzle loading, black powder guns would be exempt. Gun owners must keep the bullet in a shirt pocket until ready to use.
4. As long as we’re passing new laws, consider making fingerprints, DNA samples and photographs (mug shots) part of the background check. That should prevent felons and criminals from buy guns.