How my worries and stress levels have changed as a parent
By Jess (Beauties and the bibs)
Being a parent is one of the most stressful but also one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. I have found that with every stage of parenting I have been through my worries and stress change.
When they were little, it was: were they feeding enough?, or did I have them in the right routine? Now they are older I worry about them being at school, will they make friends? Will they be able to ask for help if they need it?
How I’m managing my mental health and motherhood
When the children were little, I didn’t take any time for myself. I felt like me leaving them meant that I was a bad parent. That I shouldn’t be taking time for myself as I made the decision to have them.
I especially felt bad if it meant they were having to go to their grandparents. Looking back now I’m not such why I worried about this so much, but we live and learn.
One thing I have learnt is that for me to be the best parent I can be I need to take time for myself. One of my worst traits I would say is taking on too much. I am the first person at work to change my plans so that I can help them out, or offer help and support to friends and family even though I never give myself that time.
It wasn’t really until recently that I started to make time for myself. For me the pandemic has made me re-evaluate so much of my life. I couldn’t tell you pre pandemic when the last time I took a day for myself to do as I please. It never happened.
Now I have one day most weeks where I can do what I like in-between the school run. It’s bliss, it gives me the time to recharge. Do things that I want to do without the kids around and just get myself organised.
I wouldn’t have been able to do this if it wasn’t for my work being so flexible. During a chat with my manager, I was open and honest with her. I told her that I felt like life was getting on top of me. My work life was busy and so was my home life. I didn’t have any time that was just for me.
I then asked her if I could change my days so that I didn’t work the day that Alby was with his nanny. Which was a day I usually worked due to keeping childcare costs down, but with Alby now being on funding at nursery I didn’t need to worry about the costs as much.
Work agreed and for the last few months I’ve been having one day child free a week. Which I cannot tell you how amazing it feels.
Yes, I do all the housework and life admin jobs on that day so it’s not all spa trips and days out. But for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am on top of life. It also means the days Alby isn’t at nursery he has my full attention, and it keeps the mum guilt at bay.
I can honestly say taking some time for myself has made me a better parent.
I have more patience with the children and my brain isn’t whizzing constantly with things I need to do. I am more present with them, we don’t have to rush to get homework done and we have time just to sit on the sofa and have snuggles.
I truly believe that to be the best parent you need to look after yourself first. You may not be in the position like I am to be able to change work days. Or you may be a stay-at-home parent and always have the kids at home. However, there are things you can do to clear you mind and refresh.
Do something you like at least once a week. It could be going for a walk, meeting friends or simply just binge watching something on Netflix and having an early night. Jobs can always wait till tomorrow, but your mental health needs to be priority.
How do you manage your mental health and parenthood?
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