“Lonely is when alone feels like a curse. Alone is when being alone is a relished, delicious time with oneself. There is a huge difference.”
- Marissa Nathan Gerson
I remember feeling alone in my relationship, particularly early on. I had expected a continuation of the high-velocity interest that had been part of our dating relationship but, instead, was being almost completely ignored…my husband was too distracted, even as he loved me. As you know by now, we did not at that time know about his ADHD. So that loneliness truly did feel like a curse. It made me feel sad, confused and, eventually, angry.
Then there is a completely different time to be alone – for example, when one or the other of you is on a business trip and both get to pursue whatever they wish to do. That might be pampering oneself, working late into the night, or pulling out the photos you wanted to review but haven’t had time to tackle.
At the end of the trip, you are eager to see each other and catch up…no longer (you hope) alone.
If you feel lonely, speak up about it. Counseling might help strengthen your bonds and remove that ‘curse.’ If you wish to have more time alone to recharge or refocus, speak up about that, as well. It’s healthy to not always be engaged, as long as in the overall you are ‘engaged enough’ to feel satisfied and cared for.
DECEMBER 3 - 5 - First-ever ADHD Couples’ Palooza. ADHD couples have special challenges but help is on the way! Join me and register here. Free and online!
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