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5 Marriage Myths You Should Ignore
For some reason, old wives’ tales hold a dominant place in people’s minds, leading them to accept beliefs as the truth. As a result, several myths about marriage seem to alter people’s perceptions of what it is or should be. For example, 80% of people with marriage experience disputed the myth that the loss of physical closeness is a major cause of relationship deterioration. For more of such myths, please read further to see which ones you believed in.
1. Long courtship ensures a successful marriage
The Washington Post says this is the most common belief people have from the list of many marriage myths. Fortunately, various studies spanning over two decades disprove this myth. Although these studies agree that long dating periods create a sense of familiarity between the parties involved, it has no bearing on whether or not the marriage will be successful. Perhaps, the apprehension of high divorce statistics in the country has contributed to the increasing rate of long courtships.
First and foremost, the statistics available in the US indicate that 41% of first-time couples will seek the services of a divorce lawyer within two years of saying, ‘I do.’ Additionally, those who remarry are 50% more likely to back out again. According to apa.org, these numbers prove that your marriage success is not guaranteed regardless of a long dating or courtship period.
2. Love will last forever
Hopefully, this myth made you giggle because you know it’s never a guarantee for a lasting marriage. Indeed, it plays a significant role in the institution of marriage. However, several other vital elements ensure a robust relationship for all the time you are together. The reality of family and different life pressures can take a significant toll on both of you. Apart from the apparent strain on the love shared, you will begin to notice each other’s weaknesses.
Recognizing these shortcomings will either upset you or make you indifferent to them. Remember that after a few years, the beauty of a fairytale wedding gives way to other life-altering highlights such as childbirth. Therefore, the honeymoon love phase you feel will gradually taper off to a more matured bond or other.
3. Jealousy means you love and care for your spouse
As unbelievable as this may sound, people actually believe that! Jealousy is an indication of an unhealthy possessive trait. It tends to destroy marriages even before the third year of the relationship. As humans, it is a natural reaction to feel sidelined when your spouse gives another person all the attention. Psychologists say the feeling of being sidelined is part of an innate trait captured under ‘territorial dominance.’
Animals display that in brutal ways. Territorial dominance can be disastrous for human beings and push you and your partner apart. Therefore, if you belong to a group of people who think making your partner jealous will result in more love, it’s time to reassess your beliefs.
4. A child cements a happy marriage
First of all, the presence of children never solved marital problems. On the contrary, the arrival of children or babies creates pressure in all forms. From physical to mental, emotional, and financial burdens, it takes a committed couple to endure them. Undoubtedly, babies are blessings to behold but never believe the myth that having them will cement your marriage.
5. You only need each other and nobody else
A clingy attitude to your spouse only creates an abundance of unhealthy over-dependence. You both have your respective lives to live, even though you are now a unit. Nobody is discounting the benefits of being each other’s best friend. However, the danger lies in ignoring the essence of a support system outside of your marriage. What you should ask yourself is what you would do when your partner is unavailable.
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Getting married for most people is the happiest day of their life. However, if you now look back at this moment and feel like you barely recognize the couple you were on that special day, you may think that your relationship has come to an end. Divorce is never something anyone should enter into lightly. To make sure this is the right decision, there are some key questions you should ask yourself. This includes the following…
Have you made your concerns about the relationship clear to your partner?
This is the first question you have asked yourself before going to divorce lawyers. Often, we are guilty of assuming that our partner knows what the issue is. We take for granted the fact that people cannot read our minds! While you may assume that the problems are evident, your partner may not feel the same way. You need to spell it out. Make it clear to your partner what the issues are so that you can both be on the same page. Perhaps your partner has not been trying to improve the relationship because he or she does not realize that there is an issue to begin with? Or, they believe the problem lies elsewhere?
A lot of people want a divorce but they do not get one because they are worried that they will look like a failure. Do not jeopardize your own happiness because you are fretting about what other people think!
What is your biggest fear with regards to ending the relationship?
So, you are thinking about getting a divorce, but you haven’t done so yet. This means that there is something that is holding you back and making you unsure. What do you worry about in terms of ending the relationship? Do you fear that you will never find anyone else? Do you worry about not having that comfort blanket of being in a relationship? Perhaps you fear that you will have to sell your home and you won’t have enough money on your own? You need to address these fears and get to the bottom of what you are really worried about.
This is an important question, but it does not directly give you the answer to whether divorce is the right option or not. After all, sometimes love is not enough. You may love your partner, yet divorce still may be the best solution for both of you. There are lots of different reasons why people decide they need to separate, but your emotions cannot be switched off. Establishing your love is a good starting point for figuring out what you really want to do.
Would you really be happier if you were no longer with your partner?
We have all heard the saying about the grass being greener. However, you need to really think about what you are going to be giving up. You should make a list of everything you will lose by not being in a relationship, for example, companionship and joint parenting. Once you have put together this list, you should look at it and ask yourself, am I willing to give this up? Will I be happier without all of this in the long run? You need to truly understand the difference between your current life and what your new life is going to be like before you make any final decisions.
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Conception’s Got You And Your Man Hot, Sweaty, And…Searching For A Surrogate?
When it comes to conception, most of us imagine things will get hot and steamy. Sex between you and your partner might have been good before, but surely it’ll crank up a level when there’s added incentive? You likely expect to be at it like rabbits every chance you get. All the better for making that baby, right ladies?
But, what happens when things don’t go to plan? You’ve been trying for months and nothing’s happened. Then, you get the news you’ve been dreading. One of you is infertile, and suddenly your hot and steamy journey couldn’t seem colder. The two of you may go from jumping into bed every second to facing major marriage problems in one short appointment.
The good news is, infertility is by no means the end of the story anymore. With options like surrogacy, there’s every chance you can still go on to conceive a genetic child. But, you first need to go through the experience of finding a surrogate. And, it’s all too easy to lose the love during this stressful process. But, given you want to have a child because of the love you share, it’s essential you don’t let that happen. And, to make sure of it, we’re going to look at a few ways to keep hold of that intimacy, even when surrogacy is on your cards.
Focus on sex regardless
So, sex isn’t going to lead to babies the way you’d hoped. But, that doesn’t mean you should stop making an effort in the bedroom. If it helps, remember that you’re still on the road to conception. Keeping on top of your sex lives can help keep that momentum alive, as well as preserving the intimacy. Focusing on sex can also help to alleviate any guilt the infertile party might feel. If your man received the bad news, for instance, he might feel that you’re withholding sex as a form of punishment. And, that type of feeling isn’t going to help either of you. So, keep making an effort here. Remember how much fun you had in the bedroom before babies were even on your cards. It might be hard at times, but you need to work to keep that going for the duration of your surrogacy search.
It takes two to make a baby. But, when it comes to surrogacy, it’s all too easy to slip into bad habits of separation. After all, you’re both giving different samples without each other in the room. And, you may decide to do independent research to put your minds at ease. Before you know, you’ll be having very different experiences of what should be a shared journey. Make sure it doesn’t happen by keeping this between the two of you. Don’t go off into your own heads at any stage. Instead, attend appointments together. If it helps, ask if you can go in with your man while he gives his sperm sample. And make sure not to research alone. Instead, sit down and snuggle up with the laptop one night. Together, visit resources like the ConceiveAbilities Blog which can answer a lot of questions for you. Just the act of coming together like this can help to keep you close and build intimacy during a difficult time. Make sure, too, that you make decisions together. You’ll need to choose everything from your timeline to your surrogate herself. And, it’s essential this is done together. Otherwise, it’s all too easy for one partner to fall out of the loop.
Communication is always essential in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. But, you guys know that, else you wouldn’t have gotten this far. The trouble is, when issues of infertility crop up, it’s all too easy for the shutters to come down. A mixture of embarrassment and reluctance to face the problem are natural. But, you need to lift those shutters before they lock on your love. Instead, make sure you’re discussing your feelings from day one. If you’re upset, talk about it. Make sure not to be touchy or take things to heart. Just listen to your partner, and work towards solutions together. There are sure to be difficult discussions along the way, but you can’t afford to skip them. Only by facing these things head on can you both stay connected for when your baby comes along. Though it may not feel like it now, that could be a lot sooner than you think.
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