golf | theeyelife
Out, Out Damned Golf Ball!
Posted in Humor, tagged clothing, golf, golf ball, lifestyle, sweater, winter on March 3, 2015| 2 Comments »	
I got out an old cardigan sweater this morning. That alone might cause one to question my sanity. But it has been rather cold here in central Pennsylvania, and I am growing tired of wearing the same sweaters over and over again.
So I pulled out a sweater from my cardigan phase–I went through that phase about 20 years ago. It may well have been 20 years since I’ve worn this sweater. It might give some sweaters a run for their money in an Ugly Sweater competition, but I like to golf, it’s all about that golf, I can’t play golf right now, and it is warm.
Probably wasn’t stylish even 20 years ago.
After I put it on I looked down and saw a piece of lint.
I tried to brush it off. Without success.
I tried to pick it off.
Then, I realized it was the golf ball sitting on the green of my cardigan.
And this, of course, reminded me of my father and my golf ball from Heaven.
Probably should have just gone back to bed. You’ll know why in my next post to follow.
Posted in Humor, tagged blogging, bowling, career, cataract surgery, Daily Post, doctor, dream, eye, golf, healthcare, surgeon, writer on February 16, 2014| 2 Comments »	
That ain’t Twerking . . .That’s the way you DO it!
And my chicks for free!
The Daily Post asks . . . If you’re like most of us, you need to earn money by working for a living. Describe your ultimate job. If you’re in your dream job, tell us all about it — what is it that you love? What fulfills you?
For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I am, by profession, an ophthalmologist. An eye doctor/surgeon. And while I do like my job–I really enjoy giving cataract surgery patients the gift of better sight–there are certain things about my job I do not like.
I really do not like our government and its bureaucratic intrusion into my practice. I wish they would just leave me alone to do what I was trained to do. Dealing with insurance companies makes me want to stick needles in MY eye! Obamacare is just worse and more of it!
I loathe computer medical records. Electronic Health Records. EHR. Errrrr! Meaningful use = meaningless abuse.
I really don’t like having to get up at a set time every morning and living my life to a schedule. Didn’t bother me years ago, but as I have aged, I really look forward to sleeping in on weekends! I could get used to doing that every day.
I don’t like call. As I have turned 39 for more than a few years, the ER calls in the middle of the night really bother me. I no longer can fall back to sleep right away which affects my next day’s performance. I already work a very busy schedule and additional add-ons are just additional stress right now that I could do without. It is what it is, though.
So, in a nutshell, right there is my dream job . . . making the same amount of money I currently make (more would actually be better since I still live paycheck to paycheck with my doctor’s salary) but not having a set schedule, no call, and still do what I enjoy doing.
I enjoy running. Can’t see anyone paying me what I make now to simply run. And I am certainly not an elite/Olympic runner. If I have to compete to get paid, I will starve.
I enjoy golfing. And while I could make more than I currently make being a great professional golfer, I am not a great golfer. I’m not really a good golfer. I’m not worthy of playing with Tiger Woods. I’m not really worthy of playing with Tiger’s woods, or even carrying his clubs. I have probably lost a few balls in Tiger’s woods and if not, I certainly could manage that.
I also enjoy bowling, but I don’t think my current 192 average is good enough to keep my salary level where I am. Nothing more pitiful than a starving bowler.
I’ve always dreamed of being the head coach at Penn State, and that would certainly pay better than my current gig. But as passionate as I am as a fan, I do lack the X’s and O’s to actually be a football coach. And looking at the hectic schedule that our new coach is living–travelling on the recruiting trail–I don’t think I would enjoy that schedule.
I am thinking Penn State University president. The job may still be open, but I think they will be announcing a new president shortly. I have not the experience nor qualifications, but there would be no bigger promoter of the University that I know of. I can cut a ribbon without cutting myself. I think. I could ask people to donate money. I’m not sure how I could handle dealing with our State Legislators, since my opinion of monumental idiots lawmakers in general is not very high. The schedule probably isn’t as flexible as I’d like, so I think this is a no-go as well.
I could be a professional blogger if somebody wants to pay me what I’m currently making. Yeah, I don’t see that happening.
Professional lottery winner? I’m so there. I just need to win the freaking Power Ball!
I’ve always thought stand-up comedy would be great. I’m currently the entertainment for our annual office Christmas party, but that’s a once a year gig. Not sure I could pull it off on a regular basis. Maybe if I had a team of joke writers. But the whole stand-up thing is not my style. One of the things that drew me to eye surgery in medical school is that you can do it sitting down. I guess I could be a late-night show host–a little actual standing followed by sitting behind a desk drinking coffee. I could drive around like Jerry Seinfeld and drink coffee with other comedians. I could drink coffee with just about anybody, especially if I’m getting paid well to do it.
I do dream of being a “professional” writer some day. I have several novels in very stages of completion. I blame my day job for the lack of time needed to actually finish and publish these projects, but we all know that is just an excuse. And I have heard that publishers can be downright nasty with deadlines which would annoy me. Sometimes the muse inspires me; sometimes the muse perspires me. You just never know when the words will come.
It looks like for now, I’ll have to stick with taking out cataracts.
That’s not working. That’s the way I do it.
Lemme tell, eye docs ain’t dumb.
Maybe get a blister on my little finger.
Maybe get a blister on my thumb.
Heisenberg Must Have Played Golf
Posted in Humor, Science, Sports, tagged golf, Heisenberg, physics, Principle, putting, sports, Uncertainty on May 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »	
No? If I hum a few bars, do you think you could play it?
If you have, though, I am sure there have been times that you stand over that little ball on the green and ask yourself, ‘why didn’t I go bowling today?’
You are faced with a daunting task. Your ball is here. The hole is over there. If you’re like me, it’s waaaay over there. And you have to figure out some way (other than picking the ball up and dropping it in the cup, which although that makes perfect sense, is not allowed by the rules of the game) to get the ball from here to there in the fewest tries. In short, you can’t get there from here.
Sure, it’s not that big of a problem for Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus or Sammy Snead, but you and I, my friend, are not professional golfers.
If we somehow manage to map the landscape of the green and predict the probable trajectory of the ball, we are sure to hit it too hard or leave it short. If by some stroke of luck we find the proper putting swing to impart the correct speed on the ball, it will not roll in the direction of the hole.
This, in a nutshell, is the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
The uncertainty principle also called the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, or Indeterminacy Principle, articulated (1927) by the German physicist Werner Heisenberg, that the position and the velocity of an object cannot both be measured exactly, at the same time, even in theory.
In other words, it is impossible for me to know the location of the ball and it’s speed during a given putt–I may not know either, for that matter. But it would appear that it is just dumb luck if I manage both trajectory and velocity at the same time. Ergo, it is not my fault I can’t putt. It’s physics. I’m sure if I research this long enough, I’ll be able to prove why I can’t drive, chip or hit an iron straight. Hopefully, I’ll be able to eventually come up with a Unifying Theory of the Universe to explain why I can’t cook, do laundry or vacuum the house.
And as for the professional golfers . . . they are either the luckiest bunch of macrophysicists on the planet, or the Laws of Physics don’t apply to them.