Listening Is an Art, and Leadership Is a Contact Sport – Marshall Goldsmith
Listening Is an Art, and Leadership Is a Contact Sport
1) Think before you speak: What do most of us do when we’re upset? We talk. When we’re confused, surprised, shocked? Talk. However, listening is a two-part process. During one part, we listen. During the other, we speak. What we say is proof of how well we’ve listened.
2) Listen with respect: To learn from people you have to listen to them with respect. This means engaging the speaker with your eye contact and body language, showing that you are interested in what they are saying, so that you can keep learning from what they are saying.
3) Ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”: Listening also requires answering this difficult question before you speak. A good way to make sense of this question is to realize that you are in effect taking the age-old question of self-interest, “What’s in it for me?” one step further and asking, “What’s in it for her?”
You’ve heard me say it many times over, this is pretty simple stuff, but it’s not easy. If you try listening actively and with respect you’ll be amazed at how much better things get. So many of our interpersonal problems at work stem from not listening and not thinking before we speak. You say something – I get mad. I lash out, and within seconds we have a crisis of miscommunication on our hands that can stop teams, departments, and organizations from functioning well.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about the weather or the latest techie gadget, the content is totally irrelevant. What matters is how easily we can slip into small behavioral patterns that create friction in the workplace—and how just as easily we can assume behavioral patterns that don’t create friction. Really, it’s up to us. We can choose to practice simple disciplines like thinking before speaking, listening with respect, and asking “Is it worth it?” at work. It’s not that difficult, we just need to do it.
• Don’t even agree with the other person. Even if he praises you, just say, “Thank you!”
• Don’t use the words, “no,” “but,” and “however.”
• Don’t be distracted. Don’t let your eyes or attention wander elsewhere while the other person is talking.
• Maintain your end of the dialogue by asking intelligent questions that a) show you’re paying attention, b) move the conversation forward, and c) require the other person to talk (while you listen).
• Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart or funny you are. Your only aim is to let the other person feel that he or she is accomplishing that.