The Cortex Parent - Part 21
How to Stop Kids’ Whining-Part 1
Posted by admin on Nov 2, 2009 in Behavior Tips, Creative Solutions | 1 comment
We can end kids' whining.
In Vegas, 30:1 odds are not considered good. But to a kid who’s known to whine? Hey, those odds are great. That kid doesn’t care if 29 out of 30 times his whining falls on deaf ears. It’s that one time when it works—that keeps whining alive on a regular basis.
But there’s a downside to the occasionally effective whining. It gets registered in the brain as being useful, so the child tries it again and again.
However, I don’t think people aspire to have whiners in their lives. Ever heard of someone looking for a spouse or boss or in-law who whines?
The truth is . . . whining children often evolve into whining adults.
It’s not just the bleak prospect of whining kids becoming whining grown-ups that should make us pause. Whining is the polar opposite of a cortex response, which is the kind of answer that we actually want our children to give.
For example, when our kids perceive something as unfair, we hope they’ll communicate in a way that shows reflection and thought. When our kids are frustrated by something troublesome, we hope they’ll explore options and creative solutions. That’s a cortex way of looking at a situation or problem.
In contrast, whining skips over all that cortical thinking and leaps right to holding someone else responsible for the present misery. And when that person doesn’t respond in kind? Well, more whining (of course).
The good news? Whining is not related to some neurological underdevelopment of the lower or higher centers of the brain. Whining only happens because we allow it.
Interested in eliminating whining from your life?
How to Stop Kids’ Whining-Part 2 will appear in the next post.