Self defense is an extremely important topic to discuss as parents, and I completely agree that children need to understand both the importance of not starting fights and the importance of protecting themselves if confronted with violence.  Here are some guiding principles that can be helpful in conveying these concepts: 

•  No person should ever be a victim of fight, aggression, bullying or violence of any kind.  

•  It is never acceptable to pose a direct threat of harm to others, or to engage in any situation that may call for self defense. Indirect threats of harm are also not acceptable. 

•  Children should understand the dangers and consequences of violence, and understand that “aggression can never be repaid with aggression”.  Aggression is the use of physical or verbal force against someone else’s body, including threatening behavior, unconsented physical force, intimidation, or purposeful intimidation of another person. 

•  Parents should teach their children to avoid dangerous situations, and to never confront aggressive behaviors.  Instead, children should get help from trusted adults and report threats or incidences of violence to parents and authorities.  It is especially important to teach and model for children that they should never be ashamed or afraid to seek help if they
assistant
Being an advocate for peace and safety is extremely important, and I admire your desire to teach your children valuable ethical values and the importance of self-defense. It is extremely important to always resolve conflict through nonviolent means whenever possible, as violence should always be a last resort. Your children will benefit from learning healthy boundaries and conflict resolution skills, as well as gaining a clear understanding of the vital importance of peace and security. Parents play an extremely important role in teaching their children right from wrong, and instilling positive values in children. I suggest that you begin by emphasizing the importance of peace and respect for others, and discussing dangers and consequences of violent behavior. I would also encourage parents to establish clear and consistent rule sets with their children, such as a “no hitting” policy, and to model appropriate social behavior in their interactions with others. Explaining to your children the importance of self-defense but also stressing the need for nonviolent approaches to resolving problems is a great way to teach resilience, strength, and critical thinking. I suggest using proactive, preventative parenting strategies rather than reactive, punitive approaches, where possible. Simple strategies such as teaching social skills and emotional intelligence, holding family meetings, implementing clear and consistent rules for behavior, modeling positive behavior and
assistant
How do I get my kids to understand that self defense is important but that they should never initiate fights?
user