So relax. Rushing the process can lead to feelings of disappointment or failure when a 
hoped-for relationship doesn’t work out. There are several excellent published guides 
to dating, a number of which are listed in the recommended readings at the end of the 
book. 
PREPARATION
The ﬁrst step in dating is preparation. What does preparation in this context mean? 
It means you ﬁgure out what you’re looking for. What is the purpose of your search? 
Are you looking for a serious relationship, marriage, and children? Or are you looking 
for a sexual partner? Companionship? A way to alleviate boredom? The purpose of the 
relationship will inﬂuence what kind of person you will seek and attract. For example, if 
you are looking for excitement, meeting someone who is aloof, mysterious, and gorgeous 
may be your aim. On the other hand, if you want a more serious relationship, you should 
choose to emphasize qualities that will continue to be important to you after the thrill 
of a new relationship wears off, like a sense of humor, shared values, kindness, honesty, 
stability, responsibility, and respect.
Despite the saying “opposites attract,” the cliché “birds of a feather ﬂock together” 
is probably closer to the truth. Generally, research in social psychology has found that