Changing Your Anxious Thoughts and Expectations
129Examining the Costs and Beneﬁts of Your Thoughts
As we have discussed throughout this chapter, anxious thoughts about social and per -
formance situations are often untrue. However, sometimes they may be true (at least par -
tially true) and still be a problem. In addition to establishing whether your thoughts are 
true, it’s useful to consider whether your thoughts and behaviors are helping you. If they 
are helpful, then they may be worth holding on to. If not, it may be time to let them go.
Almost everyone wants to make a good impression and probably no one would 
choose to be thought of as incompetent, stupid, boring, or weak. In fact, many of the 
anxiety-provoking beliefs held by individuals with excessive social anxiety are similar in 
content to those held by people who don’t have problems with social anxiety. Beliefs 
such as “It is important to be liked by other people” and “It is important to make a posi -
tive impression” are often helpful beliefs that most of us develop early in life. Making a 
good impression on others helps us to develop friendships, get promoted at work, and 
impress our teachers. In fact, many rewards in life depend on being able to inﬂuence 
others in a positive way.
However, excessive social anxiety is usually associated with a tendency to be overly 
concerned with the opinions of others—so much so that it interferes with your life and 
may actually lead to a more negative impression on others, particularly if you avoid 
important social events. The problem with the beliefs and thoughts associated with 
social anxiety is not necessarily that they are untrue (although sometimes they are), but