Communicating More Effectively
207Blocks to Effective Listening
In Messages: The Communication Skills Book,  authors McKay, Davis, and Fanning list a 
number of different factors that frequently interfere with our ability to listen to others 
during conversations, meetings, arguments, and other types of social interactions. Of 
these, ﬁve are especially common when people feel anxious in a social situation. These 
listening blocks include the following:
UÊComparing yourself to the other person . We all compare ourselves to others 
as a way to evaluate our own behavior and accomplishments. However, 
excessive social anxiety may be associated with the tendency to do this 
more often, to make unfavorable comparisons (for instance, comparisons 
with those who are more successful on a particular dimension), and to feel 
bad after making such comparisons. This tendency to make negative com -
parisons while conversing (for example, criticizing yourself with unspoken 
comments such as, “I’m not as smart as he is” or “She is more attractive than 
I am”) interferes with your ability to listen to and hear what is being said.
UÊFiltering what the other person says . Filtering involves listening only to 
certain parts of what the other person is saying. In social anxiety, this can 
involve paying attention only to those parts of the conversation that seem 
to indicate that the other person is being critical or judgmental.
UÊRehearsing what to say next . When people are overly concerned about 
saying the right thing during conversations or meetings, they often rehearse 
mentally how they will respond to other people’s comments rather than 
truly listening to what is being said. Although you may engage in rehearsal 
to make sure you say the right thing, this practice, if used too often, may