The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook
204As you read this chapter, there are a few important points to keep in mind. First, our 
purpose in writing this chapter is not to suggest that you lack social skills. In fact, most 
people we have worked with who have problems with social anxiety have ﬁne social skills 
overall. If anything, your social and communication skills are probably already much 
better than you think they are. Rather, our aim is to help you increase your awareness 
of the different ways in which your behavior may impact others and to change speciﬁc 
behaviors where appropriate.
You should also bear in mind that there is no such thing as perfect social skills. What 
works best in one situation or with one group of people may not work well in another 
situation or with another group. For example, the best way to ask one person out on a 
date may cause a rejection from someone else. Although a particular style may help you 
get one job, it may work against you for another job or with another interviewer. In other 
words, no matter how well-developed your social skills are, they can never be perfect. 
Like everyone, you will continue to stumble from time to time and occasionally you will 
make a bad impression on other people.
Finally, the strategies described in this chapter should not be thought of as rules to 
be followed by everyone. Rather, they are suggestions and guidelines that you may ﬁnd 
helpful in some situations. For example, we suggest that certain types of body language 
(for example, standing too far away from another person during a conversation) may 
be interpreted as a sign of aloofness or that you are uninterested in talking. However, 
standing too close also may cause other people to feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately,