The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook
54they prevent you from learning that the situation can be safe and manageable even 
without relying on subtle avoidance strategies. In the spaces that follow, list examples of 
subtle avoidance or safety behaviors that you use to manage your anxiety in social situ -
ations. Because these behaviors may differ from situation to situation, there is space to 
record these behaviors for up to ﬁve different social situations.
Social Situation     Subtle Avoidance and Safety Behaviors
            
            
            
            
            
            
            
            
            
            
Comparing yourself to the “wrong” people.  One of the ways in which we evaluate our -
selves is to make comparisons with other people. In school, we ask our classmates how 
they did on their exams to get an idea of how our own work compares to that of others. 
We are curious about our coworkers’ salaries, in part because having that  information is 
a way of knowing whether we are being paid fairly.
Research has consistently found that most people compare themselves to others 
whom they perceive to be either similar to themselves or slightly better in a particular 
dimension. For example, an average student is likely to compare his or her grades to 
those of other average students or to slightly better-than-average students. Similarly, a 
top athlete tends to compare his or her performance to other top athletes in order to 
judge the quality of his or her own performance. This pattern of social comparison makes 
sense because it is most likely to provide information you can use to gauge your own 
performance. Comparing yourself to someone whom you perceive to be much better or 
much worse than you in a particular dimension will provide information that isn’t espe -
cially relevant to you. For example, if you are a musician who plays mostly in local clubs,