When you feel anxious, your attention tends to shift from the situation itself to your 
own experiences in the situation. In other words, you become aware of how you’re 
feeling, and you begin to wonder whether your anxiety symptoms are noticeable to 
the other people in the room and whether those people are judging you negatively. 
At the same time, you become less aware of other aspects of the situation, including 
what other people are saying. This lack of concentration on what others are saying 
may reinforce your uncertainty about whether your responses are appropriate. Often, 
even when you think you are listening, you may be only partially aware of what is 
being said.
There are several costs to not listening. First, you may miss important informa -
tion that the other person is trying to communicate. You may hear only the parts of 
the message that are consistent with your anxious beliefs, thereby increasing your 
anxiety. For example, if you hear only your boss’ negative comments and miss his or 
her praise during a performance evaluation, you will undoubtedly feel worse than if 
you had heard the entire evaluation. Not hearing the entire message also may lead you 
to respond inappropriately, sometimes to something completely different than what 
was actually said. Furthermore, the other person may sense that you are not listen -
ing to what is being said. As a result, you may be perceived by that person as aloof, 
distracted, or bored by the conversation.