Communicating More Effectively
2094. Finally, make sure that you are listening with empathy, openness, and 
awareness.
After trying this exercise in a real-life situation, come back to this chapter and list on 
the lines below any ways in which the experience was different from your usual conver -
sations. Did the conversation last longer? Was it more gratifying? Did the other person 
respond differently to you? Did you experience less anxiety than usual?
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
When you feel anxious in a social situation, you probably engage in behaviors designed 
to subtly avoid communicating with others. These may include avoiding eye contact, 
speaking very quietly, or even avoiding the situation completely. Despite your efforts to 
avoid communication, however, it’s virtually impossible not to communicate. In fact, what 
you actually say in words during a conversation makes up a very small component of the 
messages you communicate to others. Nonverbal aspects of communication, including 
your physical distance from others, eye contact, posture, tone of voice, and vocal volume 
communicate at least as much information as your verbal messages. In fact, even when 
you completely stay away from a feared social situation, you communicate a message to 
others. For example, if you repeatedly avoid meetings at work, others may assume that 
you are shy, uninterested, or even unfriendly.
Despite wanting others to respond positively, people who are shy or socially anxious 
often exhibit nonverbal behaviors that communicate to others, “Stay away from me.” 
Examples of these closed nonverbal behaviors include leaning back or standing far away 
from other people, avoiding eye contact, speaking quietly, crossing your arms over your 
chest, clenching your ﬁsts, and maintaining a serious facial expression. Although you