Shyness and Social Anxiety
19UÊThe other person is not interested in the topic of the conversation but still 
likes you as an individual.
UÊThe other person is hungry.
UÊThe other person is in a hurry (for example, he or she is late for an 
appointment).
UÊThe other person is tired.
UÊThe other person is feeling sick or unwell.
UÊThe other person is shy or socially anxious.
UÊThe other person is thinking about something stressful that happened earlier 
in the day.
UÊThe other person is worrying about something that is coming up.
UÊThe other person is someone who generally doesn’t enjoy conversations.
UÊThe other person is someone who always looks somewhat uninterested, 
even when he or she is having a good time.
UÊYou are incorrectly assuming that the other person is uninterested even 
though he or she is showing all the usual signs of interest.
If you are anxious in social situations, the chances are that you are either interpret -
ing the situations as threatening in some way or are predicting that something negative 
is likely to occur. The more often you experience social or performance anxiety, the 
more often you probably engage in this style of anxious thinking. We will provide a more 
detailed discussion of the role of thoughts in social anxiety in chapter 6. For now, here 
are common beliefs held by people who are socially anxious:
UÊIt’s essential that everyone likes me.
UÊIf someone doesn’t like me, it means I am unlikable.
UÊIf someone rejects me, I deserve it.
UÊPeople should always be interested in what I am saying.