smile,	and	maybe	even	joke	about	it,”	or	“I’ll	vary	my	conversation	to
include	my	job	but	also	my	family	or	a	movie	I’ve	seen.”
•
	
What	things	matter	to	you	that	cannot	be	predicted	in	your	social
interactions	that	keeps	you	avoiding?
Example:
	
“I	want	to	feel	like	people	like	me,	but	I	fear	they’ll	avoid
me	or	won’t	pay	any	attention	to	me.”
Response:
	
“I’ll	make	a	point	to	engage	people.	I’ll	ask	questions,	make
eye	contact,	and	make	them	feel	I’m	interested	in	what	they	say	so
they’ll	enjoy	talking	to	me.”
If	possible,	role-play	with	a	friend	or	therapist	where	they	act	the	part	of	the
critical	other	and	you	act	the	part	of	being	assertive	and	defending	yourself.
Or	stand	in	front	of	a	mirror	and	literally	act	out	the	two	sides.	Get	used	to
hearing	yourself	clarify	
thoughts
	
or	statements
	
without	being	defensive.	
A
good	formula	for	this	is	starting	with	something	validating	followed	by	a
clarifying	statement:	“I	understand	what	you	mean,	but	actually	I	don’t	see	it
quite	the	same	way	as	you	do.”
After	practicing	assertiveness,	get	out	in	the	world	and	talk	to	people.	You	can
tolerate	the	uncertainty	of	not	knowing	what	people	are	thinking	and	still