of	control.”	When	we	negatively	judge	our	emotions,	we	experience	double
the	emotional	pain.	On	top	of	the	original	hurt	or	upset,	we	feel	worthless	for
having	the	feeling	in	the	first	place.
Telling	yourself	you’re	a	weak	loser	for	a	feeling	you	can’t	help	but
experience	is	a	particularly	harsh	torment.	Take,	for	example,	Tanisha,	a	client
from	my	practice.	When	Tanisha	became	overwhelmed	by	sadness	or	anger	as
a	child,	her	parents	would	immediately	dismiss	her,	coldly	telling	her	to	“get
over	it”	and	that	she	was	“too	sensitive.”	Eventually,	whenever	she	felt	hurt,
lonely,	overwhelmed,	or	full	of	self-doubt,	she	learned	to	tell	herself	the	same
things:	“What’s	wrong	with	you?”	and	“Get	over	it,	no	one	cares!”	and	“Why
can’t	you	be	cool	and	keep	your	feelings	together	like	everyone	else?”	By	the
time	she	was	an	adult,	Tanisha	had	layers	of	unaddressed	negative	emotions
that	came	out	in	the	form	of	crushing	panic	attacks.
We	can’t	eliminate	anger	and	sadness,	but	we	can	control	how	open	and
kind	we	are	to	ourselves	when	we	experience	these	feelings.	The	next
strategies	are	
designed