truly	relax.
Anxiety	can	be	like	a	tyrant	that	controls	us	to	such	an	extent	that	our	true
nature	fades	into	the	background.	Over	time	it	gets	harder	and	harder	to	recall
who	we	are	and	what	we	want,	separate	from	anxiety,	or	believe	there	is
another	way	to	live.	Yet	it’s	possible	to	break	free.	You	can	go	your	own	way,
do	your	own	thing;	you	can	be	the	boss	of	the	anxiety.
Take	the	example	of	Mateo,	a	high	school	football	player	I	worked	with	in
my	psychotherapy	practice.	A	gifted	athlete,	Mateo	was	nonetheless
consumed	by	anxiety	regarding	his	performance	on	the	field.	Over	time	this
anxiety	stopped	him	from	going	on	the	practice	field	at	all,	which	only
increased	his	anxiety	and	negative	feelings	about	himself.	Not	practicing
meant	his	skills	weren’t	improving.	Mateo	worried	recruiters	wouldn’t	see
what	he	could	do	and	all	would	be	lost.
I	suggested	to	him,	“You	know	you’re	really	anxious	right	now.	Your
anxiety	is	telling	you	to	stay	home	and	give	up	on	your	dream	of	getting	a
football	scholarship.	You	believe	you	have	to	do	what	the	anxiety	tells	you.
But	you	don’t	have	to	listen.	You’re	in	charge,	not	the	anxiety.	You	could	go