CH
	
APTER	NINE
Getting	Unstuck	from	Thoughts
Changing	Your	Self-Talk
Anxiety	increases	in	intensity	when	a	person’s	internal	narrative	is	filled	with
harsh	judgments	around	good	and	bad,	right	and	wrong.	What	we	say	to
ourselves	influences	how	we	think	about	ourselves,	what	we	communicate	to
others,	and	how	much	we	believe	in	our	competence	and	worth.	Anxiety	is
further	amplified	when	a	person’s	internal	narrative	is	overloaded	with
generalizations—always,	never,	forever,	everything,	nothing.	Consider	which
of	the	following	two	statements	is	laden	with	greater	intensity:
1.
	
“I	suck,	I’ll	never	get	a	life.”
2.
	
“I’m	lonely	and	need	to	work	on	building	social	skills.”
The
	
latter	is	hopeful.	It	acknowledges	the	emotion	but	also	identifies	a
specific	skill	that	could	be	developed	to	help	with	the	feeling	of	loneliness.
If	you’re	struggling	with	anxiety,	there’s	a	strong	chance	your	internal
commentary	is	overly	critical	and	harsh.	But	perhaps	your	anxious	thoughts
and	behaviors	about	situations	and	events	have	more	to	do	with	the	critical
reaction	you	anticipate	from	others,	and	less	to	do	with	the	situations
themselves.