CH
	
APTER	FIVE
Avoidance	&	Escape
The	Avoidance	Paradox
Imagine	standing	in	front	of	a	beautiful	pool	on	a	sunny	day.	The	pool	is	full
of	swimmers	making	the	most	of	the	sunshine.	You’re	in	your	suit	and	poised
on	the	edge	of	the	water,	looking	as	if	you	are	ready	to	dive	in	and	join	them.
But	in	reality,	you’re	frozen	with	indecision.	Yes,	part	of	you	wants	to	jump
in.	You	want	to	make	the	most	of	life	and	enjoy	connection	with	others.	At
the	same	time,	a	big	part	of	you	dreads	the	shock	of	the	ice-cold	water.	You’re
stuck.	You	see	others	enjoying	the	pool,	laughing	and	frolicking	freely.	You,
however,	stand	on	the	side.	You	feel	alone.	You	feel	different.	You	pace.	You
sit	down.	You	start	to	imagine	people	are	staring	at	you,	and	your	anxiety
increases.	You	go	back	and	forth	in	your	head:	“Should	I	jump	in?	Or	not?”
You	nurture	your	initial	impulse	to	avoid	the	cold	water	with	more	avoidance.
As	a	result,	your	fear	grows	stronger.	
Finally,
	
you	decide	to	sit	out	the	pool
experience.	You	feel	instant	relief,	but	feelings	of	self-consciousness	and