15General Handout 5   (p. 2 of 2)
an invalidating S ocial  environment  
can make it very hard to regulate emotions.
An invalidating environment doesn’t seem to understand your emotions.
It tells you your emotions are  invalid, weird, wrong,  or bad.
It often ignores  your emotional reactions and does nothing to help you.
It may say things like “ Don’t be such a baby!” “Quit your blubbering.” “Quit 
being such a chicken and just solve the problem.” or “Normal people don’t 
get this frustrated. ”
People who invalidate are of Ten D oinG The Be ST T hey can .
They may not know  how to validate or how important it is to validate, or 
they may be afraid  that if they validate your emotions, you will get more 
emotional, not less.
They may be under high stress  or time pressure, or they may have too 
few resources themselves.
There may be just a poor fit  between you and your social environment: 
you may be a tulip in a rose garden.
an ineffective S ocial  environment  
is a big problem when you want  
to learn to regulate emotions and actions.
Your environment may reinforce out-of-  control emotions and actions.
If people give in when you get out of control, it will be hard for you to get in 
control.
If others command you to change, but don’t coach you on how to do this, it will be hard to keep on trying to change.
it’s the T ranS acTionS  that count