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From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition  by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission 
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).« Interpersonal effect Iv eness Handout 8   (I. E. Worksheet 6) (p. 1 of 3)
Evaluating Options for Whether or How Intensely to Ask 
for Something or Say No
Before asking for something or saying no to a request, you have to decide how intensely you 
want to hold your ground.
Options range from very low  intensity, where you are very flexible and accept the situation as 
it is, to very high  intensity, where you try every skill you know to change the situation and get 
what you want.
OptIONS
Low intensity (let go, give in)
Asking Saying No
Don’t ask; don’t hint.  1Do what the other person wants without being 
asked.
Hint indirectly; take no.  2 Don’t complain; do it cheerfully.
Hint openly; take no.  3 Do it, even if you’re not cheerful about it.
Ask tentatively; take no.  4 Do it, but show that you’d rather not.
Ask gracefully, but take no.  5 Say you’d rather not, but do it gracefully.
Ask confidently; take no.  6 Say no confidently, but reconsider.
Ask confidently; resist no.  7 Say no confidently; resist saying yes.
Ask firmly; resist no.  8 Say no firmly; resist saying yes.
Ask firmly; insist; negotiate; keep 
trying. 9Say no firmly; resist; negotiate; keep trying.