159interpersonal effectiveness Handout 19   (p. 2 of 2)
Be n ondefensive and c heck the f acts
Check ALL the facts to see if your responses are valid or invalid. 
Check them out with someone you can trust to validate the valid.
Acknowledge when your responses don’t make sense and are not 
valid.
Work to change invalid thinking, comments, or actions. (Also, stop blaming. It rarely helps a situation.)
Drop judgmental self-  statements. (Practice opposite action.)
Remind yourself that all behavior is caused and that you are doing 
your best.
Be compassionate toward yourself. Practice self-  soothing.
Admit that it hurts to be invalidated by others, even if they are right.
Acknowledge when your reactions make sense and are valid in a 
situation.
Remember that being invalidated, even when your response is actually valid, is rarely a complete catastrophe.
Describe your experiences and actions in a supportive environment.
Grieve traumatic invalidation and the harm it created.
Practice radical acceptance of the invalidating person.
validate y ourself e xactly the Way y ou Would  
validate Someone e lse