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From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition  by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission 
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details). interpersonal effectiveness Handout 6   (I. E. Worksheets 4, 5)
Guidelines for r elationship e ffectiveness: 
keeping the r elationship (G ive)
A way to remember these skills is to remember the word G ive (D ear man , Give):
(Be) Gentle
(Act) interested
validate
(Use an) e asy manner(Be)Gentle BE NICE  and respectful.
No attacks: No verbal or physical attacks. No hitting, clenching fists. No harassment of any 
kind. Express anger directly with words.
No threats: If you have to describe painful consequences for not getting what you want, 
describe them calmly and without exaggerating.  
No “manipulative” statements, no hidden threats. No “I’ll kill myself if you . . . ” 
Tolerate a “no.” Stay in the discussion even if it gets painful. Exit gracefully.
No judging: No moralizing. No “If you were a good person, you would . . . ”  
No “You should . . . ” or “You shouldn’t . . . ” Abandon blame.
No sneering: No smirking, eye rolling, sucking teeth. No cutting off or walking away.  
No saying, “That’s stupid, don’t be sad,” “I don’t care what you say.”
(Act)InterestedLISTEN  and APPEAR  INTERESTED  in the other person.  
Listen to the other person’s point of view.