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From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition  by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission 
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).interpersonal effectiveness Handout 18   (I. E. Worksheet 12)
a “how To” Guide to v alidation
1. pay attention:  
Look interested, listen, and observe. No multitasking. Make eye contact. Stay focused. Nod 
occasionally. Respond with your face (e.g., smile at happy statements; look concerned when 
hearing something painful).
2. reflect Back:   
Say back what you heard or observed to be sure you actually understand what the person is 
saying. No judgmental language or voice tone! 
  Try to really “get” what the person feels or thinks. Have an open mind. (No disagreeing, 
criticizing, or trying to change the person’s mind or goals.) Use a voice tone that allows the 
other person to correct you . . . and check the facts!
  e xample:  “So you are mad at me because you think I lied just to get back at you. Did I get it 
right?”
3. “read m inds”:   
Be sensitive to what is not  being said by the other person. Pay attention to facial 
expressions, body language, what is happening, and what you know about the person already. Show that you understand in words or by your actions. Be open to correction.
  e xample:  When you are asking a friend for a ride at the end of a long day and the person