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From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition  by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission 
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).interpersonal effectiveness Handout 6a  
expanding the v in G ive: levels of v alidation
1.  pay attention: Look interested in the other person instead of bored (no 
multitasking).
2. reflect Back: Say back what you heard the other person say or do, to be sure you understand exactly what the person is saying. No judgmental language or tone of voice!
3. “read m inds”: Be sensitive to what is not  being said by the other person. 
Pay attention to facial expressions, body language, what is 
happening, and what you know about the person already. 
Show you understand in words or by your actions. Check it out and make sure you are right. Let go if you are not.
4. understand: Look for how what the other person is feeling, thinking, or 
doing makes sense, based on the person’s past experiences, 
present situation, and/or current state of mind or physical condition (i.e., the causes).
5. acknowledge the v alid: Look for how the person’s feelings, thinking, or actions are valid responses because they fit current facts, or are 
understandable because they are a logical response to 
current facts.
6. Show e quality: Be yourself! Don’t “one-up” or “one-down” the other person. Treat the other as an equal, not as fragile or incompetent.