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From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition  by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission 
to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of this book for personal use only (see copyright page for details).interpersonal effectiveness Handout 5a  
applying D ear man Skills  
to a Difficult c urrent interaction
To turn around really difficult situations, focus the skills on the other person’s behavior right now.
When other people have really good skills themselves, and keep refusing your legitimate requests 
or pestering you to do something you don’t want to do.
apply D ear man Skills
1. Describe the current interaction. If the “broken record” and ignoring don’t work, make a 
statement about what is happening between you and the person now, but without imputing motives.
Example:  “You keep asking me over and over, even though I have already said no several 
times,” or “It is hard to keep asking you to empty the dishwasher when it is your month to do it.”
not: “You obviously don’t want to hear what I am saying,” “You obviously don’t care about 
me,” “Well, it’s obvious that what I have to say doesn’t matter to you,” “Obviously you think I’m 
stupid.”
2. express feelings or opinions about the interaction. For instance, in the middle of an 
interaction that is not going well, you can express your feelings of discomfort in the situation.
Example:  “I am sorry I cannot do what you want, but I’m finding it hard to keep discussing it,” 
or “It’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to keep talking about this, since I can’t help it. I am