slumps down, say, “You look really tired. Let me look for someone else.”
4. understand:   
Look for how the other person feels, is thinking, or if he or she is making sense, given the person’s history, state of mind or body, or current events (i.e. the causes)—even if you don’t approve of the person’s behavior, or if his or her belief is incorrect. Say “It makes sense that 
you . . . because . . . ”
  e xample:  If you sent a party invitation to the wrong address, say, “I can see why you thought 
I might be excluding you on purpose.”
5. acknowledge the valid:   
Show that you see that the person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions are valid, given current reality and facts. Act as if the person’s behavior is valid.
  e xample:  If you are criticized for not taking out the garbage on your day, admit that it is your 
day and take it out. If people present a problem, help them solve it (unless they just want to 
be heard). If people are hungry, give them food. Acknowledge the effort a person is making.
6. Show e quality:  
Be yourself! Don’t “one-up” or “one-down” the other person. Treat the other as an equal, not as fragile or incompetent.
  e xample:  Be willing to admit mistakes. If someone introduces him- or herself by first name, 
introduce yourself by your first name. Ask other people for their opinions. Give up being defensive. Be careful in giving advice or telling someone what to do if you are not asked or required to do so. Even then, remember you could be wrong.