239eMotion r eGulation Handout 11  (p. 8 of 9)
Shame
Shame FITS  THE  FACTS  of a situation whenever:
a. You will be rejected by a person or group you care about if your personal characteristics 
or behavior are made public.
B. Other example:                                    
Follow these suggestions when both  shame and guilt  
are NOT  JUSTIFIED  by the facts or are NOT  EFFECTIVE :







oppoSiTe acTionS  for Shame
Do the OPPOSITE  of your action urges. For example:
1. MAKE PUBLIC  your personal characteristics or your behavior (with people who won’t 
reject you).
2. REPEAT  the behavior that sets off shame over and over (without hiding the behavior from 
those who won’t reject you).
all- The-Way o ppoSiTe acTionS for Shame
3. NO APOLOGIZING  or trying to make up for a perceived transgression.
4. TAKE IN all the information from the situation.
5. CHANGE  YOUR  BODY  POSTURE. Look innocent and proud. Lift your head; “puff up” 
your chest; maintain eye contact. Keep your voice tone steady and clear.
Follow these suggestions when shame is NOT  JUSTIFIED  by the facts or is NOT  EFFECTIVE , but 
GUILT  IS JUSTIFIED  (your behavior does violate your own moral values):
