132interpersonal effectiveness Handout 8   (p. 2 of 3)
facTorS  To con SiDer
When deciding how firm or intense  
you want to be in asking or saying no, think about:
 1. The other person’s or your own capability.
 2. Your priorities.
 3. The effect of your actions on your self-  respect.
 4. Your or the other’s moral and legal rights  in the situation.
 5. Your authority  over the person (or his or hers over you).
 6. The type of relationship you have with the person.
 7. The effect of your action on long- versus short-term goals.
 8. The degree of give and take in your relationship.
 9. Whether you have done your homework  to prepare.
10. The timing  of your request or refusal.
 1.capaBiliTy: ••Is the person able to give you what you want? If YES , raise the intensity of ASKING .
••Do you have what the person wants? If NO , raise the intensity of NO .
 2.priori TieS: ••Are your GOALS  very important? Increase intensity.
••Is your RELATIONSHIP  shaky? Consider reducing intensity.
••Is your SELF - RESPECT  on the line? Intensity should fit your values.
 3.Self-  reSpec T: ••Do you usually do things for yourself? Are you careful to avoid acting helpless when 
you are not? If YES , raise the intensity of ASKING .
••Will saying no make you feel bad about yourself, even when you are thinking about 
it wisely? If NO , raise the intensity of NO .