It's important for you to understand your personal style before you decide to change it. If you are already being assertive in most areas of your life, you may only need to make minor adjustments. After all, there is a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. However, you may be a bit too passive if you find yourself in those cases:  Not voicing your opinion Remaining quiet most of the time Saying yes when you really want to say no Taking on more responsibility even when your plate is already full When you find yourself not standing up for yourself or struggling to say no to others, it may be because you're afraid to displease other people. When you find that you're being passive in a particular situation, ask yourself what you're actually afraid of. Remember, the only way to overcome the fear is to first recognize its existence.  Telling yourself that you “must” get the approval of someone else is a cognitive distortion. When you feel that you “must” and “have to” do things,you will start to place unrealistic demands on yourself. What other people think is not reflective of your self-worth. Rather it is usually a reflection of issues with the other person. Often, beneath the fear of disapproval is the fear of retaliation or rejection. In other words, you may be passive in some situations because you're concerned about the potential consequences of being more assertive. Thinking about the likelihood that the retaliation will actually happen and how to handle it if it does, is a great way to move through the fear and become more assertive. Here are some questions to ask to help you with this process:  What do I fear will happen if I am more assertive? What specific evidence do I have that the person will retaliate? For instance, has she done it before? What evidence do I have that the person will not retaliate? What do I think will actually happen? What can I do to protect myself from the retaliation? Sometimes you may refrain from being assertive because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. However, sometimes people will misinterpret your intentions even if your assertion is justified. You should not do what you don't want to do or refrain from sticking up for yourself because you're afraid of hurting someone else. Being assertive doesn't mean being heartless. You should always try to be assertive in a way that minimizes hurt feelings as much as possible. However, you should always keep in mind that it's not always possible. You may sometimes find yourself doing what you don't want to do because you think that there's no one else available to do it. However, harboring guilt, when there's no basis for it, is not fair to you nor is it healthy for your self-esteem.  People are generally resourceful and will find other avenues to get their needs met. It is fine for you to say no. The other person may try to communicate the message that you would do it if you really cared about them. That is manipulative and isn't fair to you. Your needs are important too and if you allow the manipulation to continue, it will breed resentment. When you do what you don't want to do, it usually doesn't feel pleasant. Similarly, it feels awful when you find yourself being someone's doormat. So take some time to reflect on how it makes you feel when you are overly passive. When you remind yourself that you should not have to feel bad about yourself, you may wish to learn to become more assertive. Here are a few things to notice when you find yourself being passive:  Do you feel resentful, hurt or depressed? Does your heart sink, stomach tighten, or breathing quicken? Take notice of these bad feelings and remind yourself that you don't have to accept anything just to meet the need of someone else. Sometimes you'll feel satisfied after helping someone else and that is the feeling that you should be aiming for. If you don't feel satisfied, then there's a strong likelihood that you're being too passive and possibly being taken advantage of.
تقييم أسلوب تعاملك مع الآخرين. مواجهة خوفك. فكّر فيما إذا كان ما تخشاه حقيقيًا. تخلص من الشعور بالمسؤولية نحو مشاعر الآخرين. تخلّص من الشعور بالذنب. تعلم من سلبيتك.