Individuals with lower self-esteem may be more likely to be sensitive and reactive when left out or socially rejected. Increasing your acceptance of yourself can help to increase your self-esteem, and reduce your negative reactions to being left out.  Self-acceptance can be attained by looking at your strengths and your weaknesses and accepting all of these factors as they currently exist, without necessarily trying to change them immediately. You can start by saying to yourself, “I accept who I am. I was left out, but that is okay. I accept that this happened and I can deal with it.” Focusing on the positives may help you cope with feelings of inadequacy or rejection. For example, you may be skilled in an area that helped you identify you were being left out. People who pick up on non-verbal cues are more aware of being left-out because they are advanced at reading the nonverbal communication that suggest they are being left out. These individuals are better at telling whether someone is faking a smile, or displaying genuine happiness. Additionally, some people argue that individuals who are left out may become more creative due to feeling different or unique. Think about and list the possible positive components of being left out. Some examples might include that you get to focus on yourself, and it may help you to identify which friends are worth keeping versus people who may not be trustworthy or fair. Being or feeling left out can often result in negative thoughts about yourself such as, “Nobody likes me,” or, “I’m not good enough.” These types of thoughts can lead to negative emotions such as shame and humiliation.  In order to reduce the likelihood of experiencing negative emotions, you can train yourself to think more realistically by catching yourself when you think negative thoughts.  Identify the negative thoughts that come up when you are left out, and purposefully change the thought to a more realistic perspective. For example, if you think, “Nobody likes me,” this is an example of a negative thought; work on thinking something more realistic such as, “Some people like me, but this particular person may not. That’s okay, not everyone has to like me. I’m still a good and valuable person.” Individuals with higher defensiveness may be better at dealing with social rejection. They tend to have lowered cortisol levels (stress hormone) when they deal with being left out.  Think about happy memories when you were included and focus on those thoughts.   Be tough and distance yourself from people who leave you out or reject you. If you have doubts about yourself or low self-esteem (thinking low or negative about yourself), controlling your attention can reduce your negative reactions to being left out.  Shift your attention to thoughts about the social rejection issue and think about something else. Focus on your school work, homework, or another activity. Become involved in another task in order to distract yourself from the negative feelings associated with social rejection. You can do something fun like sports or go shopping at the mall. If you are being treated unfairly and excluded, perhaps these individuals are not worth your time and effort. Unfortunately, no one can force people to like them or interact with them. Try to focus on the positive relationships you do have and let go of relationships with people who exclude you or treat your poorly.
تقبّل نفسك وموقفك. فكّر في الجوانب الإيجابية من الإقصاء. غيّر منظورك السلبي عن نفسك. قم بتحصين طريقتك في الدفاع. ركّز اهتمامك. تجاوز الأمر إذا كنت تُعامل بطريقة غير منصفة ويتم إقصائك فربما لا يستحق بعض الأشخاص وقتك ومجهودك.