The beauty of human evolution is that we've developed two selves: the primal one that does and the evolved one that monitors. You are able to observe yourself and your thoughts 24/7. With every thought that raises a red flag, stop for a second and think about it. Was it negative? Destructive? What triggered it? Does it seem logical? Addictive? You will notice a pattern to your thoughts as you begin practicing self-awareness. Write down your thoughts as they spring up. This will make it easier to see what your pattern is. They could be self-deprecating, pessimistic, worrying, anything. It's also a great way of realizing the ridiculous chatter in your head and getting rid of it, too. After a week or so, take a hard look at that pattern. Maybe most of your thoughts are negative, you are critical of yourself or others, or you experience unnecessary thoughts that aren't important or beneficial to you.  For each person it will be different. Once you identify this pattern, you can go about stopping it. When you have a realization about yourself, it can literally stop you in your tracks – and that's when the change can begin. After all, you can't get to a certain place if you don't know where you're going. Many of us are guilty of thinking that our feelings lead to our actions, and that's it. We're powerless and can't help but feel these things and act these ways as a result. In reality, that couldn't be further from the truth.  Your beliefs and thoughts determine your feelings, which in turn determine your actions, which in turn give you life results. These life results shape your beliefs and thoughts, which determine your feelings...and the cycle goes on from there. When you think of it as a cycle it's easier to see that even just changing one of these factors can overhaul the system.  The other part of that belief up top that isn't right is that we're powerless. No, no, no – in fact, you're the only one that has the power. These thoughts, behaviors, these life results, they're all yours, and you can change them. Change just one even, and the rest will fall into place. This cycle is a cycle, sure, but it can be slowed down. When you start feeling that pattern creep up, stop and breathe. Try not to be reactive. How would you prefer to react? What positive thought can you put in your head instead?  For example, let's say you're watching TV and you see an ad with a beautiful woman. You think to yourself, "I could never be her," or "I could never get her." Stop for a second, and finish that thought better. Think, "But I have good qualities x, y, and z," or "I'm going to use this as motivation to start working out and feel better about myself, because I've decided to seek out happiness, not negativity." Realize that for all your actions and thoughts you are getting some reward. Worrying constantly? You probably feel like you're covering your bases or not getting your hopes up. Deflating your sense of self? It probably feels safe being down in the dumps, so your hopes can't crash down around you. Think about what you're getting out of your thoughts? Is what your getting really worth it? Your words can hurt people – including yourself – and this can only have a negative impact upon yourself and your resulting behaviors and thoughts. If they seem to crop up, tell yourself to stop. Just stop. Divert your attention to something more positive that keeps you on track.  If you express positivity and love, that is what you will receive in return.  It benefits all and creates good energy. If you go in thinking something is impossible, it likely will be. If you open your mind and think you are capable of whatever you're putting your mind to, you just may be. Sometimes we all get stuck playing tapes in our head. That tape may say, "I'm ugly," or "I'm worthless," or "I'm depressed," or any number of unhelpful things. Hit stop on that tape and put in a new one. What's this one say? Isn't it a breath of fresh air? Always be mindful of that tape and if it slips back in. And remember: you can always take it out. As a child you are told to think, behave and to adopt certain belief systems which often shape the type of person you become.  Some fears and insecurities you developed can also be carried through into your adulthood. Often, we get stuck into action-reaction patterns, not realizing we could interpret the situation and react any number of ways. When you have a negative reaction, this is an opportunity to assess it.  If something infuriates you, why? Would other people you know react the same way? How would they react differently? How would they react better? Ask yourself why you react in this way. Are you getting anything out of it? What's a way you could react instead? Choose to develop your own thought patterns and beliefs that ring true to who you really are, want to be, and are actively working toward. You've identified your bad thoughts, you've stopped them, and you've replaced them with good ones. Now you just have to be persistent and repeat these new thoughts as often as possible. It will become habit, just like your old thoughts became habit. As long as you stay mindful and thinking it's possible, it will happen. That's what brains do. You may find that it helps to keep a journal, meditate, and to talk about this practice with your loved ones. It makes this whole process more concrete, tangible, and a part of your life – not just some crazy whim you have once in a while, when you remember. You'll probably find that other people are inspired by resolve and wish to imitate your dedication to self-improvement.
ابدأ بمراقبة أفكارك بشكل يومي. عرّف أنماط تفكيرك. اعلم أن كل شيء جزء من دائرة أكبر. اخلق مسافة بين أفكارك وتصرّفاتك. تدبّر الكلمات التي تجول في ذهنك والكلمات التي تقولها للآخرين. اختر تصرّفاتك الانفعالية. طوّر أفكارًا جديدة لتخلق العادات الإيجابية الجديدة.