Are you bothered by a lack of social skills? Do you struggle with superficial conversations, showing your feelings, experience frequent awkward pauses in conversations, or other practical problems? Perhaps you manage to come across sociable enough, but still wish you didn't always feel so uncomfortable and insecure. Also ask yourself how much you really want to change – not everyone is or can be a social butterfly. Don't waste efforts comparing yourself to others. Don't tell yourself that you should be like them. This is simply negative reinforcement, which will only make you feel like you are different, alone, and, in extreme cases, even inferior. Socially anxious individuals frequently have a stream of negative thoughts running through their heads. "I look awkward," "No one is talking to me," or "I am going to look like an idiot," are all thoughts that may run on a loop. As you can probably tell, these thoughts are all negative and will only serve to keep you feeling shy and self-conscious.  Aim to break the habit of negative thoughts by becoming aware of when you are falling prey to them and by challenging their logic. For example, just because you are nervous in a crowd or at a party does not mean you look awkward. Others around you may be getting a case of nerves, too. Reframing means not just taking a positive spin on your thoughts, but also a more realistic perspective. Many negative thoughts are rooted in irrational beliefs. Find evidence that disputes your negative thoughts and find another way of looking at the situation. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most shy people don't do this on purpose, but often, attention is consistently drawn to yourself during conversations. This makes you self-aware and keeps a vicious cycle rotating. Research has shown this may play a key role in why people might experience panic attacks after relatively mild anxious moments.  Rather than noticing that you are being shy, or that you may have said something embarrassing, try to take a light-hearted approach to perceived deficits. Laugh it off or carry on without bringing too much attention to what you believe is a flaw. Most people will empathize – feeling connected as a human is easier than you might think. Show interest in other people and/or the surroundings. You may feel like everyone is watching you, but generally, people are not judging you. Distorted perception is the culprit in this situation. Others are busy doing their own thing, and, in most cases, are not out to get you. A common misconception is that shy people are introverts. Introverts, in fact, enjoy solitude and recharge by spending time alone. On the contrary, people who are shy desperately want to engage with others but fear scrutiny or judgement. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Of course, you shouldn't go and do exactly what you see another person do, but watching someone who is socially adept can give you some ideas on how to handle certain situations. If you know these individuals well enough, you can even be candid with them and outright ask for advice. Let them know that you notice they seem to be very comfortable in social settings and see if they can give you any pointers. You might just get a surprise and find out that one of the people you admire for their social abilities is actually just as shy as you. Sometimes, extreme shyness is a sign of social anxiety disorder. Individuals with this disorder are terribly fearful of being scrutinized or judged by others to the point that they have little or no friendships or romantic relationships. Your mental health provider can help you to diagnose social anxiety disorder and work with you to develop healthier thought patterns and the confidence to stop avoiding people and social situations.
فكر فيما تريد تغييره ولماذا تريد تغييره. أعد صياغة تفكيرك. لا تركز على نفسك. لاحظ كيف يتصرف الواثقون من أنفسهم في المواقف الاجتماعية. إذا وجدت صعوبة في التعامل مع خجلك بمفردك، فجرب أن تستعين بمعالج متخصص.