"I" messages allow you to take responsibility for your own feelings and opinions in communication without attacking or offending others. These assertive statements are based on your own unique experience regarding a certain topic. They do not focus on the other person's experience. "I" messages convey to the listener "this is what the situation looks like to me". Examples of "I" statements include:  "I get scared and upset when yelling or curse words happen during arguments" rather than "Your yelling and cursing scares me. You need to stop it." "I am worried that my abilities are not being put to use in my current position" as opposed to "You all placed me in a position that is not conducive to my growth." Turning down projects or nights out with friends might not seem all that friendly, but occasionally saying "no" allows you to say "yes" to events and tasks that allow you to flourish. For the most part, you have the right to use your time as you see fit. Assertiveness means giving a head shake to situations that are not in your best interests. Saying "no" might be difficult at first, but, with practice, you will see that exercising this right helps you get ahead. Doing so gives you experience setting boundaries with others and asserting yourself, which are some of the most important skills for both personal and professional growth. Setting boundaries will help you to communicate your needs to other people and ensure that people know what you will and will not tolerate. Many people shy away from asserting themselves in social situations because they equate assertiveness with being judgmental. Assertiveness, by definition, involves standing up to yourself, but this is done by compromising, considering other's needs and being respectful. Judgments are not cast. . Assertive people are considered to be expert communicators. It follows that such masters at communication cannot allow their emotions to control them. They must be in control of their emotions since failing to effectively manage your own feelings can result in dire consequences.  For example, if someone says something you disagree with, it will not be effective to lash out in anger. Such a reaction can cause you to damage the relationship because you are speaking from your emotions, and not from a place of objectivity. The first step towards mastering your feelings is to become aware of them. Begin monitoring your feelings for several days. Take note of the times and situations that evoke strong emotions from you. Find an emotions chart and try to label what you're feeling.  Next, uncover the stimulus behind these feelings. In other words, why did you react this way? After that, decide if that emotion is a great representation for how you want to behave and interact with people. If it's not, then you will have to make a choice to change your perspective by editing negative or unhelpful thoughts. In English, a qualifying statement is something added to an initial statement that reduces it's strength. In the context of writing arguments, it is good practice to leave room for uncertainty. Therefore, qualifying statements are useful in this regard. In the context of assertiveness, however, you should state your opinions using categorical statements, which are statements you support 100%. Categorical statements leave no room for doubt, thereby coming off as assertive.  A qualifying statement might sound like "This is just my opinion but..." or "Feel free to disregard this but...". A stronger categorical and assertive statement may be "In my opinion..." (with no added "but" or reducing disclaimer) or "I think the best course of action is..." Nonverbal communication has as much impact, if not more, than the words you say. Assertive communicators must be mindful of their body language in order to come off as non-threatening, uncaring, etc.  Assertive speakers have respect for the other person's personal space, allowing up to a 4 feet distance between both parties. They also maintain direct, non-invasive eye contact while speaking with a balanced volume (not too soft, not too loud) and a tone that is modulated for the situation and location.  It is acceptable to stand or sit with an erect, but relaxed posture (open arms and legs oriented towards the speaker) and use non-threatening gestures to illustrate a point. Always being the congenial peacekeeper may not bode well in many areas of life. However, barking down someone's throat at the slightest error in judgment will probably not win over any supporters, either. Being assertive means taking a firm, yet flexible middle ground. Pick your fights. Every issue is not one that requires a full-on debate or a stance on the soapbox. Decide which issues match your values, and be sure to use your voice during these times.
تدرب على استخدام العبارات التي تبدأ بكلمة "أنا". تعلم اعتياد الرفض باستخدام كلمة "لا". تجنب إصدار الأحكام. تحكم في مشاعرك تجنب العبارات التأهيلية. قم بتقييم لغة الجسد الخاصة بك. تعلم أن تختار الصراعات التي تخوضها.