People who are naturally loud do not possess this important skill. So, the next time you’re in a situation where you’re just dying to say something, pause, take a moment, and ask yourself if what you have to say will really help the situation. Will you be giving people information that they need, making people laugh, or offering words of comfort, or will you be saying something just to be heard? If you don’t think anyone will actually benefit from what you have to say, then keep it to yourself. One rule to follow when you’re starting off is to say one of every two things you’re thinking. As you work on being more quiet, then you can say one of every three things, or one of every four things. Don’t ever interrupt a person while he or she is talking unless you think what you have to say is crucial to the conversation. (Let’s face it. – When is that ever the case?) Not only is it rude to interrupt people, but it will disrupt the flow of the conversation and will make you appear  loudmouth. If you really have a comment to make or a question to ask, then make a note of it and wait until the other person is done talking to see if what you have to say is still relevant. You’d be surprised by how many of your questions will get answered anyway if you just let people talk. If you’re working on being more quiet, then chances are that you tend to talk on and on about yourself or the things that really interest you instead of letting other people share their ideas. So, the next time you’re having a conversation and it’s your turn to speak, ask people questions to gain insight about the topic you’re discussing and to learn more about them – from what their hobbies are to what they like to do for fun. You don’t have to make it sound like an interrogation or ask questions that make people uncomfortable. Keep things light, friendly, and polite and remember that conversation, in large part, is more about saying that you care about and are interested in the other person's thoughts, feelings, and point of view and less about sharing your "take on things." If you’ve thought of the most amazing comment to make ever, give it ten seconds. Count down from ten to see if the idea suddenly sounds less appealing, or to give other people time to chime in and to keep you from saying what you wanted to say. This is also a great technique if you’re feeling angry or upset and want to air your grievances. Giving yourself a little bit of time to calm down can keep you from saying something you’ll regret. When you become a pro at this, you can even just count down from five. Even that short amount of time can help you see whether or not you should keep quiet. If you want to be quiet, then you have to work on being a great listener. When someone is talking to you, make eye contact, pick up on important points, and try to read between the lines to figure out what the person is really saying and how he or she is really feeling. Let the person talk, don’t lose patience, and don’t fall victim to distractions like text messages.  Ask questions that help the person flesh out their ideas, but don’t ask something off-topic which will, potentially, confuse the person. The more you work on being a good listener, the less compelled you will be to dominate the conversation. A good rule of thumb is to balance your talking and listening time, to make them equal. A balanced conversation is the most healthy. If you find yourself spending a lot of your conversation time running down a litany of things that annoyed you today – the horrible traffic you faced this morning, the nasty email you got from a friend, how the cold this winter is crimping your style – it might help if you consider what responses are "on the table" for the other person. Where can the conversation go? Will anything productive result? What might the other feel about you and the attitude your words reflects?  If complaining about the things you can’t change really makes you feel better, then try writing them down in your journal. There’s really no need to complain out loud, is there? If you have a real problem and need to talk about it, that’s fine. – What we’re talking about here is your need to complain just for the sake of conversation. If you really feel antsy and want to start talking for no reason, just focus on your breath. Pay close attention the the rising and falling of your breath and work on breathing more deeply and evenly. Stop fidgeting and listen to what’s happening around you. Focus on how you’re thinking and feeling instead of on whatever it is you want to say so badly. This technique will calm you down and will make you see that talking isn’t so important. You may be the kind of person who has an instant reaction to something that you hear and who wants to immediately blurt out everything that you’re thinking/wondering/sort of wondering, but this really isn’t the best way to tackle the situation. If you take the time to process whatever is happening and to fully form a question or a comment, then you’ll be able to speak much less and to ask or say something that is much more spot-on. This will give you time to be your own internal editor and to not let out all of the “extra” stuff that isn’t doing anyone any good.
فكر قبل أن تتكلم. لا تقاطع. اطرح الأسئلة بدلًا من التحدث عن نفسك. عد تنازليًا من 10 قبل أن تقول شيئًا. أنصت بحرص. كف عن الشكوى. ركز على تنفسك. خذ الوقت لمعالجة ما تسمعه.