Controllers often do not know they're controlling. In fact, many controllers feel as though they are being controlled, which may explain why they feel the need to be so assertive. If you are dealing with a spouse who is habitually over-controlling, you will most likely have to convince them that they are controlling, which may take some time.  Be as respectful as possible when having this conversation. If you want to save your marriage, you should not attack your spouse's character. Instead, focus on the kinds of actions or situations that upset you. Use as many examples as possible in explaining what you mean by "controlling." Once you have a conversation with your spouse about their controlling behavior, you will need to make it very clear what you are willing to tolerate. Explain to your spouse in as much detail as possible what kind of behavior needs to be corrected.  You may want to make a list of the biggest problems and brainstorm with your spouse about specific things you can do to avoid those problems in the future. Keep in mind that there is a chance your spouse will think you are controlling as well, so be open to listening to any boundaries that they might propose. Your spouse may need to be reminded of your limits every so often, so it's a good idea to decide what kind of behaviors warrant consequences and what those consequences will be. This should only apply to major offences that cannot be addressed in any other way.  For minor offences, your spouse may benefit from a simple reminder of your boundaries. Don't overuse consequences. Withholding privileges or affection as a consequence for the tiniest offence is what controlling people do! Your consequences may have to be quite serious. For example, you may decide that you will move out of the house if your spouse does not make an effort to treat you with respect over the next month. If your spouse is unwilling to acknowledge the controlling behavior, or if the two of you are unable to correct the issues on your own, consider seeking professional counseling. Your spouse may need a professional to explain what controlling behavior looks like and how to stop engaging in it.  You may want to try couple's therapy, as this will give you the opportunity to speak to each other about your problems with the guidance of a professional marriage counselor. Your spouse may also benefit from individual therapy, which may help reveal the reasons behind the controlling behavior, such as low self esteem or a traumatic childhood.
استعدي للإنكار. ضعي حدودًا بينكما. افرضي عقوبات. استعيني بالاستشارات الزوجية.