If you're not already doing so, keep a daily record of anything that happens involving your child, including conversations or incidents with the other parent.  Your records of what happens can be crucial in proving that parental alienation is taking place, which often may mean disproving accusations from the other parent. For example, the other parent may file a motion to modify your parenting plan because you don't have time to spend with the child. Detailed records of the time you and the child have spent together, including tickets to any events or activities and photographs of the two of you together can help prove the other parent is trying to distance the child from you or harm your relationship. Take note of any special requests your ex-spouse makes or adjustments they want made to the court-ordered parenting plan. Often an alienating parent will request adjustments and then blame you when you don't agree.  A log of activities is especially important if there are recurring problems with your parenting time and adherence to the court-ordered schedule.  Keep in mind that courts differ regarding how much control a child has to decide whether they want to visit the non-custodial parent – and it often depends on the age of the child as well. However, courts typically look askance at parents who offer their children the option of doing something that is contrary to a court order. If your child says something like "Dad said I didn't have to come visit you next week if I didn't want to," include that in your diary as evidence of possible parental alienation.  If you have trouble communicating with your ex-spouse, try your best to keep all communication in writing. That way you both have a record of what was discussed. Save copies of texts or emails, as they may be useful as evidence if your ex-spouse later claims they didn't agree to something, or tries to argue that you agreed to something when you didn't.  If your ex-spouse is sending you accusing or alienating messages, maintain records of them in chronological order so you can demonstrate a pattern of alienation. Certain behavior or changes in your child's attitude can be symptomatic of parental alienation.  There are different types of alienation, all with their own warning signs. Understanding the type of alienation being practiced can be as important as recognizing that alienation is taking place, since different types often require the use of different strategies to combat the problem. Keep in mind that many parents who engage in alienating behaviors do have their children's best interests at heart, and are willing to seek help if they understand how their behavior is harming their children's development. Parental alienation does differ from parental alienation syndrome, in that the symptoms of the syndrome most often are found in the child's behavior.  For example, if your child seems reluctant to come visit you, or refuses to spend time with you, that conduct may have more to do with parental alienation than with the fact that your child doesn't like you or doesn't enjoy spending time with you. An alienating parent may, for example, support your child's refusal to visit you – even if the child lacks any reason for their refusal. For the alienating parent, this means the child prefers them to you.  Be wary of secrets your child has with the other parent, including code words or signals. For example, your child may refuse to tell you what he did with dad last weekend, and may even say "Dad said not to tell you," or "Dad said to keep it a secret." Even if what they did was as simple and innocent as going to a baseball game together, the fact that your ex-husband is instructing your child to keep something from you is evidence of parental alienation. Especially since the other parent may be trying to get the child to believe that you don't love or care about them, keeping open lines of communication is essential. Listen carefully to what they have to say, validate their feelings, and make it clear that you care.   Be wary if your child simply parrots what the other parent has said, rather than expressing their own feelings or explaining an event in their own terms. For example, if you ask your daughter why she didn't come to visit last Saturday, she might say "Mama said you were too busy to spend time with me." If the other parent is accusing you of abusing the child, or planting ideas in the child's mind that actions of you are abusive, address these allegations immediately and seek professional help for your child. Ask our child questions about what they do at your ex-spouse's house, but avoid asking probing or leading questions. If your child wants to talk about something they did at dad's house, be willing to listen openly, but don't pry or attempt to elicit potentially damaging information from your child.  If your child tells you about something that implies abusive or neglectful behavior, take them to a professional rather than getting upset or continually asking questions about it. Keep in mind that your child probably will feel uncomfortable if, for example, she feels like she's "tattling" on her father. Even though the other parent may be doing everything they can to interfere with the visitation schedule, it's important that your child have time with both parents.  If the other parent violates a custody or visitation order, contact your attorney and the court immediately. Stress to your child that court orders must be obeyed or there will be serious consequences. Keep in mind that in many states, courts will consider systematic interference with a court-ordered parenting plan to be in violation of the "best interests of the child" standard.  If the other parent refuses to give you the child's medical or school records as required by your original order, go to the courts to have the order enforced rather than resorting to self-help. Keeping those records from you may be considered a sign of parental alienation, and certainly doesn't encourage the full involvement of both parents in the child's life.  Court records also can later be used to prove parental alienation if further problems arise. If your ex is being uncooperative and refuses to give you access to documents related to your child's health and well-being, courts will recognize this as not in the best interests of your child.  If the alienating parent recommends or suggests something, research it and consider your ex-spouse's motivations before you agree to it. Read all court documents carefully and look for loopholes in anything your ex-spouse is quick to agree to or suggest.  While many state courts don't necessarily recognize "parental alienation syndrome," they typically must consider evidence of parental alienation along with other factors when determining the best interests of the child.  Many states espouse the policy that the ideal is for a child to have a close and on-going relationship with both parents. Therefore, one parent who seeks to cut out or alienate the other parent typically isn't considered to be in the best interests of the child. A guardian ad litem is a court officer charged with representing your child's best interests, and can monitor the other parent's compliance with court orders. The court may have the guardian ad litem visit the child in the other parent's home and observe interactions between them. They will interview both parents and the child, together and separately, and report to the court on their findings. If you have what you believe is evidence of parental alienation, your attorney will know how best to bring it up with the court.  Keep in mind that parental alienation syndrome is not a true "syndrome" in the medical sense, in that it's not a mental condition occurring within one person. Rather, it refers to a type of dysfunctional relationship – between the two parents and between the alienating parent and the child.  Although most courts accept and consider evidence of parental alienation and alienating behavior, many won't accept a diagnosis of "parental alienation syndrome" in your child. Since the syndrome is not recognized by the American Psychological Association or included in the most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it can't legally be defined as a mental disorder.  The complex process of determining how parental alienation is affecting your relationship with your child typically requires court assistance, and won't happen over night. If your ex-spouse is continually requesting changes to scheduled visitation, or setting up special outings or trips to tempt your child into refusing a scheduled visitation, you also should alert your attorney and determine whether to get the court involved. While courts expect parenting plans to be flexible and take into account the needs of the parents and the children, one parent continually attempting to alter the court-ordered plan may be alienating behavior and should be discouraged. If your ex-spouse files a motion, such as a motion to modify custody, that you believe is motivated by parental alienation, you should conduct a deposition to assess their reasons for the motion and what they hope to gain from it.  Speak with your attorney about asking questions that may elicit alienating responses. For example, your attorney may ask your ex-spouse if they've ever talked to the child about your personal life, or if they have ever made negative comments about you to the child.  Your attorney also may want to hire an expert witness either to sit in on the deposition or review the transcript so they can analyze the responses given.  Many courts will consider whether a parent has said demeaning things about the other parent to the child, discussed divorce litigation with the child, or encouraged the child to be disobedient or disrespectful to the other parent. You can ask your ex-spouse about these kinds of behavior in the course of a deposition.
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