Take the first chance you have to honestly address the situation at your workplace and the role the past relationship plays in it. Initiate the conversation away from curious co-workers, and preferably outside of the workplace entirely. Let your ex know that you intend to keep drama from the past outside of work. Be sure to put your best foot forward, and mention that having a cordial working relationship is important for both your jobs and your happiness. If you make strong efforts to be civil and respectful, beginning with this talk, your ex will very likely follow suit. Try to come to agreements about the following:  Socializing together with co-workers. Being involved in (or trying to avoid) working closely on projects together. Leaving baggage outside of the workplace. Opening the possibility to address serious problems outside of work, if they come up at all. However, the situation of the workplace does require that you remain somewhat flexible to surprise hallway run-ins with your ex. Be aware that there are some things that you can control, like the terms of engagement between you and your ex when you are  interacting, but others that you can’t. You may not be able to control how often you see your ex. If you find yourself wanting a break from the proximity you are maintaining, don't be afraid to take it. Give yourself the same respect as anyone else in a difficult situation. Even though you may have already discussed keeping a safe distance with your ex, you are responsible for being direct and acting on your wishes. This includes making your intentions known when other people are also involved. By communicating your desire for distance, you will leave no room for people to speculate and gossip about what might be going on. For example, say you have been asked to have drinks with your co-workers after work and you know your ex has been invited too. Instead of taking the opportunity to let everyone know that you don't want to be around your ex for an extra minute, graciously let them know that you do not wish to go out because you'd like time to yourself. Remind yourself that not wanting to socialize won't be permanent. Not sure how you're coming off to your ex and other co-workers? The way that you stand, position yourself in relation to others, and gesture can be the clearest signals of discomfort or awkwardness. So, by noticing your body language you can show yourself what others see and adjust yourself accordingly.  For example, say you are discussing a work-related issue with your ex. You may notice that you are not making eye contact or that you have started to fidget with your hands. Both of these actions send signs that you are uncomfortable in the situation. At this point you can "act as if" and adjust your body language to make you and your ex more at ease. If you begin to see that your body language frequently signals anxiety and discomfort, you may want to spend more time reflecting on how you're feeling. Correcting your body language in the interaction is a useful way to get by, but ultimately it may clue you in to deeper issues that can be addressed outside of the workplace. Even after you and your ex are clear about wanting to create a civil work environment, issues may arise that bring up old frustrations. If this happens, don't be afraid to pull your ex aside and let them know what isn't working for you. Be sure that you are owning your feelings rather than criticizing or judging your ex. Depending on the scope and urgency of the problem, you may want to talk outside of the workplace or make arrangements to keep even more distance  Before talking, think deeply about whether it's truly an issue that cannot be addressed on your own. A good rule of thumb is to only bring up an issue if you have a clear and reasonable request that you feel you need to make. If you would like to request that your ex honor your space by not entering your office unexpectedly, then your need for space is not being met and you have grounds to make a request. If you cannot think of a reasonable request to make (and "stop being a jerk" is not one), chances are good that you are just looking to vent about your discomfort. If you do decide to bring up an issue with your ex, make sure that your demeanor is professional, intentional, and realistic about your role in the problem. Is your ex doing everything he or she can to sabotage you at work, like circulating embarrassing information or withholding information about a deadline? Take the high road and offer an opportunity to get more closure and clarity about the nature of your relationship and the breakup.  This may not be something you enjoy, but going to the root of the issue will show your ex that there are better outlets for their resentment than treating you poorly. Since it is your ex who needs this and not you, be willing to concede things that you normally would not. The goal here is to put an end to workplace sabotage, not to express your deep feelings. Talking about money is always awkward at work. So, if your ex starts talking to you (or in range) about a raise or a bonus, resist participating by keeping quiet or making it known that you are uninterested in the topic. Avoid indulging your ex's attempts to "one up" you. Another option for dealing with an extremely disgruntled ex is to have a private meeting with a trusted higher up where you can show evidence of workplace harassment. Keep in mind that this option, while likely allowing you to keep your job, may temporarily hurt your professional reputation.
قم بوضع شروط التواصل. اطلب المساحة التي تحتاج إليها. انتبه إلى لغة جسدك. الحديث عن الخلافات. إيقاف أي محاولات للعب والاستخفاف. اعرف متى تصبح الأمور زائدة عن الحد المسموح.