There are many different ways of communicating, and there are no absolute right or wrong methods. However, some methods can be more productive than others for some people, and it may take some experimentation to find a style of communication that works best for both of you.  Try being expressive. Let your partner know how you feel, and ask her how she feels. Use task- or fact-oriented communication. Some people are more comfortable conveying facts instead of emotions, like saying, "I feel like I'm not making enough money at my job" instead of saying, "I'm sad and I'm worried about my finances." Be assertive. Assertive communication involves the clear and direct communication of your feelings, opinions, and needs, without infringing on the rights of your partner. Avoid passive communication. This communication style involves a failure to assert yourself or express your thoughts/feelings/needs, and can be very damaging to the relationship.  Minimize emotion before talking about important things. Take a few minutes to calm down before discussing anything significant so that your emotions do not direct the conversation, but make sure you do acknowledge the way you and your partner feel. Small talk is tremendously helpful in any relationship, and it helps build a day-to-day level of communication within your relationship. You can reminisce or laugh about shared experiences, talk about what you each did that day, ask about plans for the weekend, or simply share observations that you find interesting or funny.  Small talk about your day-to-day lives helps you and your girlfriend get closer and know each other more intimately. Ask your girlfriend to elaborate and give more details. Make sure that your follow-up questions convey a genuine interest in what your girlfriend says and does not come across as suspicious or distrustful. Many people with busy lives or different schedules find that the lines of communication get strained in a relationship. This can easily be remedied, though, if both partners make time for communication. Even if you have very hectic lives, it's important that you make some time for open, honest communication, the same way you make time for meals, sleep, or your daily commute.  If having a rigid schedule helps you both maintain your day-to-day lives, try scheduling alone time. Set aside some alone time at least once every week to keep a healthy, open line of communication. Try to limit interruptions when you're talking with your girlfriend. Turn off the TV or radio, and silence/put away your cellphones so you won't be distracted. Talk to one another while doing day-to-day activities, like while driving in the car or doing chores around the house. Notice when your girlfriend acts troubled or otherwise seems to have something she wants to talk about. Ask if something is wrong, or if there's anything she'd like to talk about. Make sure your conversations convey commitment, trust, and intimacy from both of you. You might find that communication doesn't come easily in your relationship, or that the lines of communication have been strained by life events. There is nothing wrong with this, and it does not mean your relationship won't work - it simply means you might need to try a little harder. That's where a professional may be of service.  A licensed couples therapist can help you and your girlfriend find ways to be more open and communicative. You may also work on being more honest, taking more of an interest in one another's lives, and finding more time to spend alone together. You can find therapists in your area by looking through the phone book, using a search engine online, or by consulting a therapy-based index like Psychology Today has on their website.
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