If you want to stop being selfish, then you have to learn to listen to other people. And that means you should really listen, not just nod, and say "Uh huh," until it's your turn to speak. Listening means absorbing what people say, remembering what people say, and understanding the problems of your friends, significant others, and coworkers. It can also help if you ask open-ended questions that give your conversation partner a chance to express him or herself.  Don't interrupt. After your friend talks, give a thoughtful response by referencing points made in the conversation to show that you really paid attention. If your friend has a problem, don't instantly compare it to your own problem, which you claim is "way worse." Take every problem on its own terms and give relevant advice when you can without making it all about you. You can say something like, "I was in a similar situation, and this is what helped me. Do you think it might work for you?" This small and simple gesture could make a big difference in your friendship. One key aspect of being a good friend is being supportive, which includes supporting your friend's activities from time to time. The next time you and your friend hang out, let her pick the movie, the dinner place, the happy hour bar, or the activity that you'll do together.   Once you get in the habit of doing this, you may find that you get pleasure out of making the people you care about happy. You can also take turns. She can pick what you'll do one week and you can pick what you do the next. Go to the store, shop for the things that you know your friend will love, and then spend at least an hour cooking a delicious meal and setting the table. Preparing a meal for your friend takes time, money, and effort, and you'll see how good it feels to do something nice for another person.  This is an especially nice gesture if your friend is tired, broke, or in need of some comfort.  Don't make your friend bring over anything except something to drink. You'll be doing all the work that night. If you find that you really like cooking for others, you can even start baking cookies or making stews and then dropping them off at your friends' houses in the evening. Stopping to give good, heartfelt, and meaningful advice to a friend can really make you feel more giving and less selfish. Not all gifts are physical; sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is help her figure out her problems. Don't just tell your friend what she wants to hear; instead, take the time to give her meaningful and actionable advice that can really change her life. Giving good advice to your friends may also make you more aware of what your friends really need instead of what you need. This is easier said than done. Though being selfish and being self-involved aren't exactly the same thing, they do go hand in hand. So, make a point of talking about yourself only a third of the time when you're with a friend; spend the rest of your time talking about your friend, about other people you know, or about other outside topics.  If your friend brings up a problem and you've experienced a similar thing, it is OK to briefly talk about yourself to say you've gone through something similar as long as the goal of your doing so is to tell your friend that you can readily empathize with her. After you mention this, quickly turn the spotlight back to her so she can continue talking. If you don't normally do this, you should really make a habit of it. The next time you're with your friends, ask them how they're doing, what they're feeling, how their days went, or what they have coming up that week. Don't make it too obvious that you're changing your trajectory and start bombarding them with questions at once; instead, make your way around to asking them questions about themselves and what they have going on.  Showing an interest in others is a great way to be less selfish. It shouldn't feel superficial. You should ask your friends about themselves because they're your friends and because you care. Don't do your friend a favor as a calculated ploy for getting something that you want later; do it out of the goodness of your heart. The favor can be big or small, anything from picking up coffee for your friend when she's stuck in a major study session to taking three hours out of your evening to explain chemical equations to her. If you see that your friend really needs something but is afraid to ask, you should be the one to suggest it even before your friend does. And sometimes, you can do your friend a favor even if she really doesn't need anything, just because you're feeling nice or saw something that made you think of her.
كن مستمعًا جيدًا. دع أصدقائك يختارون ما تفعلونه سويًا. حضر وجبة منزلية لأصدقائك. كن ناصحًا مخلصًا. توقف عن الكلام عن نفسك طوال الوقت. اسأل أصدقائك عن أحوالهم. اصنع معروفًا لصديق بدون مقابل.