It is too easy to get caught up in the moment of an argument and break up without really wanting to do so. Take the time if you have had an argument or other issue to let your emotions settle and make sure you are not breaking up just as an emotional response to something you can get past.  While it may be tempting to talk this over with a friend or family member, it is important to make sure any choice you make is one that you can be okay with. You are the only one who can make this choice. Taking the time to make sure you are comfortable with this choice will prevent regret about the break up later. For example, some good reasons that you may want to break up may be due to infidelity on either your part or your partner's, because you don't see the relationship going anywhere, because your partner's values don't align with your own, or because important people in your life are not supportive of the relationship. Perhaps you could create a list to help you prepare for any questions she may have. It is tempting to focus on just the negative, but it may be more useful to make a pros and cons list to make sure you are actually ready to end the relationship. Putting your reasons on paper will help to clarify things and will also make sure when you are ready to talk to her without leaving anything out.   Having an outline of the reasons for the break up is a great place to start a role play to practice for the conversation. Taking a few moments to rehearse how you want to have the conversation can help you avoid turning it into an ugly argument.  For example, you might truly enjoy how your partner makes you smile or feel good about yourself. However, you may also think she's overly clingy or doesn't like you to have your own friends or interests. Weighing the pros and cons can guide you in your decision. The last thing you want to do is avoid the person and the situation, so meeting in public in a reasonable amount of time after your decision will help in making the break up as easy and peaceful as possible. Avoiding her or trying to end things behind closed doors can only lead to problems. It is much better to diffuse a situation in a calm, yet public space. This type of statement can help you make your own feelings clear without blame or making accusations. It is also much harder for the other person to argue with “I” statements because they are on a basic level how you and only you feel.  An “I” statement follows a simple pattern: I feel (insert emotion) when you (insert their action or behavior) because (explain why the behavior is a problem). You are owning your own emotion but also explaining how you got there. For instance, you might say "I feel ignored when you place your career in front of me because I have always put you first. I think I need to focus on what's best for me right now and make myself and my future top priority." Stick with the facts. Getting caught up in the blame game clouds the real issues and doesn't give either party a clear end to the relationship. The facts clarify without getting mean or destructive. You can avoid blame by making sure you use "I" statements that allow you to take ownership of your feelings about the relationship or your partner. For instance, if you said "I want to break up with you because you are always saying you will call but never do," this type of blaming statement will likely cause your partner to become defensive. She may or may not see the break up coming, but she will feel better if she at the very least has a chance to respond. Taking the time to understand how to actively listen will help you to avoid arguing and also let her feel heard.  A big part of active listening is being able to mirror back her statements to her so she knows you heard what she was saying and understand. For example, you might say something like "If I'm not wrong, it sounds like you're trying to say..." Listening does not mean you are agreeing with anything. Instead your devoting some attention to her feelings and response gives her the chance to say what she needs to say to get closure. Another part of active listening is your body language. Make sure you turn to face her. Also, uncross your arms and legs, which can be a sign of defensiveness.
تأكد من أنك ترغب في فعل ذلك. اكتب أسباب الانفصال. خطط أن تلتقي بها في مكانٍ شبه عام. استخدم عبارات "أنا" لشرح سبب انفصالك عنها. تجنّب الإلقاء باللوم. أعطها فرصة للرد عن طريق الاستماع بفعالية.