It is important not to make any rash judgments when dealing with the person who hurt you. If you react too quickly, you may say or do something you will regret. Take some time to process what you've just learned and gather more information before acting upon it. Whether it's a partner or family member who has hurt you, don't drastically react. Think about your history with him and whether this was a once off offence or a habit. Make sure you are thinking calmly and rationally before you say something you can't take back or cut him out of your life altogether. Ask to meet somewhere private. Make it clear that this doesn't necessarily mean that things will go back to normal between the two of you, but that you are willing to hear him out before moving forward. Tell him that you are willing to listen to their side of the story. When listening to the other person's story, try to sit back and let him do the talking. Don't interrupt or contradict him. If your relationship with this person is what's at stake, the least you can do is hear him out. As clear-cut as the situation may seem to you, you should always take the opportunity to hear the other person's side of the story. You may be surprised at what you learn, and if nothing else, it will allow you to make an informed decision about what to do next. Try to be compassionate when dealing with the person who hurt you. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what you would have done in a similar situation. Would you have acted differently? Try to understand what the other person's motives or intentions were. Was he deliberately trying to hurt you? Did he have your best interests at heart? Or was he simply being careless? When speaking with the person who has hurt you, don't say or do anything you can't take back. Lashing out angrily and throwing insults and accusations at the other person may feel good at the time, but will not help the situation in the long run. It is counter-productive and may ruin your relationship for good. Stay calm when confronting the person who hurt you. Avoid accusatory phrases when addressing the other person. Instead of saying "you made me feel like..." say "I feel like..." Breathe deeply and if they say anything that provokes you, try counting to ten before responding. Once you've had time to cool down and think things through, clearly explain to him, in a calm and measured manner, how his actions have hurt you and how they have made you feel. This is vital, otherwise you will bottle up feelings of anger and resentment towards the other person, making true forgiveness impossible. Let him know how this has impacted your relationship, especially if it's a romantic one. Once you have expressed your feelings clearly and thoroughly, it is important that you move on. If you have decided to forgive this person for his actions, you cannot bring up past hurts every time you have an argument or hold it over his head. When working towards forgiveness, it is important to let go of the notion of getting even or taking revenge on the person who has hurt you. Trying to get even will only result in more people getting hurt, including you. You need to be the bigger person, try to forgive and move on. Instead, work to rebuild trust and your relationship. This is especially important if the conflict is between a relative. You'll want to resolve any family tension, since you'll probably be interacting with him for a long time. For example, if your partner has cheated on you, you will solve nothing by cheating on him in return. You will only cause more pain and resentment. Two wrongs don't make a right. Your forgiveness won't count for much if it only comes after you've had your revenge. If he asked for forgiveness, he'll be grateful and relieved that you can work towards rebuilding your relationship. If he didn't ask for it, at least you can get if off your chest and move forward with your life. Remember that forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that things will go back to normal between you. If you feel that he may have hurt you one too many times or you don't think you can trust him again, that's okay. Just make this clear to him as well. This may seem easier in a romantic relationship that is ending, since you most likely won't see each other very much. It's harder to do in a family situation, since you'll be encountering each other regularly.
لا تستعجل الوصول إلى استنتاجات. اطلب مقابلة الشخص الذي أساء إليك. استمع لرأي الشخص فيما حدث. اتّسم بالتعاطف. لا تهدم جسور التواصل. أخبر الشخص بشعورك. لا تحاول الانتقام من الشخص. أعلم الشخص أنك سامحته.