You are about to have a private conversation with someone, so get mentally prepared. Determine a clear goal and desired outcome. Private conversations are usually private for a reason. Think about what you want to say and how you want to respond to potential question.  If you want to tell someone you have feelings for him be clear about how you feel about the person? Are you ready for a relationship, or do you just want to date? What are your expectations? Do you just want to be friends? If you want to ask for a raise at work, think about the things you have done that would support your request. Have you been a top-performer? Do you take the initiative to get things done? This will clarify your thoughts and expectations. The act of writing will allow you to focus on the subject matter items you must cover in your conversation. An organized conversation is a more productive conversation. Practice saying what you wrote as this will relieve the stress you might be feeling. This will lessen your anxiety and calm you. Pick something you like to do and focus your attention on getting a good work out. You will feel clear-headed as you approach the conversation. Being responsive in your actions and communications with the person you have feelings for are keys to a good relationship. Most people are busy so setting a time for the conversation is helpful to everyone. There are times when you won’t be able to set something up. Instead, you might need to pick an opportune time right on the spot. If you are prepared, then you will be able to respond when needed. The lead-up to an important conversation can be filled with nervous energy. Find a way to manage your nerves. Take deep breaths, close your eyes and tell yourself, “I can do this. This is important to me and I need to do this." Sometimes we need a little push to get things going. You push yourself because the matter is important and you are willing to take the risk. The potential for a great outcome is directly tied to you taking action. It won't happen unless you do it.  Once you are with the person, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “1-2-3 go,” then say what you need to say. to the person, “Hey, I want to tell you something that is really exciting for me. I hope you feel the same. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together and I would love to spend more quality time with you. How are you feeling about this?” These words will provide a great starting point. Let his answer guide the way. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may not feel the same about you. Leading off the conversation with a certain amount of ambiguity, will allow you the safety and freedom to discontinue or redirect further conversation. Open-ended questions are preferred, but you can ask closed-ended, yes or no questions too. An open-ended question is framed to elicit a detailed response. If you have prepared yourself for the conversation, then you won’t have a shortage of things to ask.  An example of an open-ended question is, “Tell me a little bit about growing up in Arizona.” A question like this might steer you toward family details, education, and other interesting subjects.” An example of a closed-end question is, “Did you find a good place to park?” Even though this elicits a yes or no response, it may lead to a detailed conversation about the parking situation in the neighborhood, which could lead to other topics. A meaningful conversation will include both types, so don’t let the pressure to be perfect cause the conversation to wither and end. Looking at someone while they talk shows the person you respect her. If your eyes wander to other body parts, or to other people walking by the person will notice and either be upset or lose interest in talking with you. If the person is looking at you when you are talking, you must return the favor. There are different cultures that believe averting your eyes away from someone is a sign of respect. You are responsible to determine ahead of time if cultural differences will impact your conversation. Mobile phones left in your immediate surroundings will cause unwanted distraction. Distractions from mobile phones pull your attention away from the person and the conversation. Determine if the conversation requires a heightened level of your attention. The more serious the subject matter, the higher the need is to remove the possibility of distractions. If you ask a person a question, you must listen to the answer without interrupting. Once the person is done you can ask a new question, or ask a question to clarify or reflect and emotion back to the person. When a person knows you are listening and they are being heard, the interaction becomes more comfortable. As conversations become more comfortable, you can ask deeper more intimate questions. It is difficult to tell someone bad news whether you have to fire someone, tell someone a loved one passed away, or you are breaking up with someone. It is perfectly normal to get nervous about it, squirm and try to avoid it. Unfortunately there are times in life when it is unavoidable and you’ve got to find the strength to do it.  Use the sandwich technique. This technique involves saying something positive about the person, telling them the bad news then finishing with a positive statement. This will help soften the blow of receiving the bad news. Depending on the intensity of what you have to tell the person, anything that eases the situation is helpful. For example you could say, “You are really good with people and I can tell people really like you. Unfortunately, we’ve decided not to fill the job after all. I’m certain another employer will benefit from having a great employee like you.” You don’t want to prolong the inevitable, so get to the point of the conversation as quickly as possible. This is the most compassionate thing to do. If you drag out a conversation that ends with bad news, you will likely cause a negative reaction.  Start the conversation by saying, “Look, I’ve got some bad news and it’s going to probably upset you. So I’m just going to say it. I got a call. Your mother passed away. Is there anything I can do to help?” Listening to the person express their feelings and concerns is an important part of the conversations. Share similar experiences with the person by saying, “I know when my mother died it was one of the hardest things. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.” The more you practice your approach to the different types of conversations, the better you will get. When the time comes it will be less difficult. Develop techniques for dealing with people such as car repair people, contractors, store clerks, and people on the bus or subway. For example, if you continually have difficulty with contractors working on your home, have a conversation with them at the outset by saying, “I’m looking for someone who is going to follow through on what they say rather than over promise and under-produce. I would rather have honest communication than feel bad about the situation if expectations are not met.” They will let you know if they can rise to the challenge. This sets an expectation that will help you if there are future difficulties. It is one of life’s pleasures when you get to deliver good new to someone. There are times when you may need to be more prepared than simply blurting out the news. If you are planning to have a conversation about having a baby, or getting married, or taking a dream job in New York, you need to have a plan.  Consider everyone’s reactions and plan accordingly. If you know your mother flips out when she hears exciting news, determine an appropriate location. Anticipate the questions people will ask you during the conversation. For example, if you are pregnant people will want to know when you are due, if you have selected baby names, and how you are feeling. Be open to answering questions and remember the other person is excited for you. If you are asking someone to marry you, decide where it will happen, what time, and what you are going to say. Whether you are on a mountain top at sunset or on paddle boards in the morning, the conversations leading up to and following your proposal can be exciting. These are special moments so take extra precautions so you won’t be disappointed.
نظّم أفكارك قبل إجراء المحادثة. اكتب ما ترغب بقوله قبل التحدث به. مارس التمارين الرياضية قبل أن تتحدث مع الشخص. حدّد موعدًا وتاريخًا لإجراء المحادثة. مارس أساليب الاسترخاء. حفّز نفسك قليلًا. حافظ على استمرار أي محادثة عن طريق طرح الأسئلة. الحفاظ على تواصل جيد بالعين. اترك هاتفك المحمول بعيدًا. كن مستمعًا جيدًا. كن لطيفًا وشجاعًا عند الإبلاغ عن الأخبار السيئة. اقتصر الطريق قدر المستطاع. تدرّب على منهجيتك. كن مستعدًا في حالة الأخبار الجيدة.