Instead of spending your time feeling shame for not measuring up to your or anyone else's standards, focus on all of your accomplishments and achievements. You'll see that you have lots to be proud of and that you offer real value to the world and to yourself.  Consider writing down your achievements, positive attributes or things you like about yourself, and the ways in which you have helped others. You can write in a freestyle manner or create a list of different categories. See this exercise as never-ending; always add to the list as you do new things, such as graduate from school, rescue a puppy, or win an award. Also drawn attention to things that make you happy with yourself; maybe you like your smile or like that you are goal-directed. Return to your list whenever you have doubts or feel that you are not measuring up. Recalling all of the things that you have done and continue to do will help you build a more positive self-image. There is significant research indicating that people who help others or volunteer have higher self-esteem than those who do not. It may seem counter-intuitive that aiding others helps you feel better about yourself, but the science suggests that connecting with others increases our own positive feelings about ourselves.  As a bonus, helping others makes us happier! In addition, you will also be making a real difference in someone's world. Not only will you be happier, but someone else might also be as well. There are so many opportunities out there to get involved with others and make a difference. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Offer to coach a children's sports team during the summer. Step in when a friend needs a hand and make them a bunch of meals to freeze. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. An affirmation is a positive statement that is intended to build your confidence and encourage you. Offering yourself positive affirmations each and every day works to restore your sense of self-worth as well as increase the compassion you show for yourself. After all, you probably wouldn't treat a friend the way you treat yourself; instead you'd show them compassion if they expressed feelings of guilt or shame. Do the same for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Set aside time each day to say aloud, write, or think affirmations. Some examples include:  "I am a good person. I deserve the best even if I have done some questionable things in my past." "I make mistakes and I learn from them." "I have lots to offer the world. I have value to myself and to others." For a lot of us, it can be hard to separate out opinions from facts. A fact is a true statement that is irrefutable, while an opinion is something you think that may be based on some facts but is not itself a fact.  For example, "I am 17 years old" is a fact. You were born 17 years ago and have the birth certificate to prove it. There is no challenging that fact. However, "I'm stupid for my age" is an opinion, even if you might seem to offer evidence confirming this, like not being able to drive or not having a job. However, if you think more carefully about this opinion, you can evaluate it more critically. Maybe you can't drive because your parents work too much and haven't had time to teach you or you can't afford driving lessons. Maybe you don't have a job because you spend your after-school time looking after your siblings. Thinking more carefully about the opinions you hold will help you realize that negative opinions can often be reevaluated with a closer look at the details. When you compare yourself with others, you are cheating yourself out of valuing your own individuality. Remember, you are a unique individual and you have a lot to offer the world. Put your shame behind you, and shine like you were meant to shine.  Focus on highlighting your individuality and those neat things that make you you, rather than hiding behind a veil of social conformity. Maybe you like mixing quirky clothes and patterns together in your self-presentation. Maybe you have a passion for Europop. Maybe you're really skilled at building things with your hands. Embrace these aspects of yourself, rather than try to hide them; you might be surprised (and impressed!) at what kind of innovations can come from honing in on your particular skills and thoughts. After all, Alan Turing, Steve Jobs, and Thomas Edison, were all individuals whose uniqueness helped foster their exceptional discoveries and contributions. Nowhere is it written that you HAVE to look like everyone else, be interested in the same hobbies, or follow the same life trajectory. Not everyone, for example, actually has to follow current fashion or music trends, or settle down by the time they're 30 and get married and have kids. These are just things that the media and society promote, but are not in fact real-existing truisms. Do what you feel is best for you and what makes you feel good. Remember that the only person who has to feel good about you is you. You have to live with yourself, so follow the beat of your own drum and not anyone else's. Almost all humans benefit from social and emotional support, whether it be from families, friends, co-workers and others in our social networks. It's helpful for us to talk to and strategize with others about our problems and issues. Oddly enough, social support actually makes us better able to cope on our own with our problems because it increases our self-esteem.  Research has consistently shown a correlation between perceived social support and self-esteem, such that when people believe they have social support, their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth increase. Thus, if you feel supported by the people around you, you should feel better about yourself and better able to cope with negative feelings and stress.  Know that when it comes to social support, there is no one-size-fits-all mentality. Some people prefer to have just a few close friends whom they can turn to, while others cast a wider net and find support among their neighbors or church or religious community.  Look for people you trust and who maintain a personal code of confidentiality. Remember, you don't want to rely on someone who may actually make you feel worse about yourself, even if this person doesn't really intend to do so.  Social support can also take new forms in our modern age. If you feel anxiety about having to talk to someone face-to-face, you can also stay connected with family and friends or meet new people via social media, video chats, and email. If you are struggling to improve your self-esteem and/or feel that your feelings of shame are adversely affecting your daily mental and physical functioning, you should make an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional.  In many cases, a therapist can help you develop useful strategies to improve your self-image. Remember sometimes people just can't fix everything on their own. Moreover, therapy has been shown to have a significant effect on raising self-esteem and quality of life.  In addition, a therapist can help you cope with any other mental health issues that you may be facing as a cause or consequence of your shame and low self-esteem, including depression and anxiety. Know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of personal failure or weakness.
ركز على الإيجابيات. قدم يد المساعدة للآخرين. استخدم التطمينات اليومية. اعرف الفرق بين الرأي والحقيقة. قدر تفردك. أحط نفسك بدعم اجتماعي إيجابي. استشر متخصصًا بالصحة النفسية.