If you are avoiding sexual contact and the thought of having sex causes you to feel excessive and unreasonable anxiety or panic, you should seek help from a professional therapist. This may be signs of a phobia rather than a normal fear response.  The physical symptoms of a phobia include: sweating, shaking, feeling lightheaded, and having difficulty breathing. A counselor can help you manage these symptoms and the condition. See a therapist if you have sexual abuse in your history, which may hinder your enjoyment of sexual activity. Talking with a counselor and processing those traumas will lead to a positive relationship with others. When everyone relaxes, everyone benefits. Approaching an intimate situation with a sense of calm will stave off fear, and enhance your enjoyment.  Relaxation techniques include guided imagery, biofeedback, and breathing exercises. These will help you lower the stress and fear you feel. Use these techniques prior to interacting with someone. Guided imagery involves focusing on calming images and can be done by yourself or with help from a therapist. Biofeedback is a technique that trains you to lower your heart rate and blood pressure, which are associated with fear. Breathing exercises help to calm the nervous system associated with the fight-or-flight response, which is triggered when you feel fear.  If fear takes a hold of you when you are with someone in an intimate situation, pause and take a minute to breath and tap into the relaxation skills you have learned. Your thoughts affect your emotions. There is a tendency to overestimate the negative outcomes before you experience them, and underestimate your ability to cope with and manage a situation. These thoughts are imbalanced and need to be challenged.  For example, you are extremely nervous and afraid that you will throw up on your date when you are kissing. Challenge the thought by saying, “You cannot predict the future and you have never thrown up on anyone. If you feel nauseous excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. You can handle it.” You are stronger than you think. If you feel you lack adequate coping skills, improve them. For example, take notice of the way you effectively cope with another type of fear in your life and apply the same technique. Also, observe how someone you admire copes with difficult situations. Ask them for suggestions that you can implement. Use positive self-talk to calm your thoughts and nerves. For example, if you feel your fear, anxiety or stress increase, tell yourself, “You are fine. This is going to be fun. You are not going to be embarrassed. Have a good time.”
اذهب للطبيب النفسي. تعلم أساليب للاسترخاء. تغلب على الأفكار السلبية.