This type of communication is called “integrative communication” and involves discussing issues openly and in a non-threatening way to reach mutual understanding, or “integration.” Integrative techniques have been shown to have long-term positive effects on relationships. For example, if the person you hurt tries to bring up a pattern of past behavior that they believe is related to your mistake, allow him/her to finish. Pause before you respond. Consider the person’s statements, and try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective, even if you disagree. Don’t lash out, yell, or insult the other person. The nonverbal communication you give while apologizing is just as important as what you say, if not more so. Avoid hunching or slouching, as this could indicate that you are closed to the conversation.  Make eye contact while speaking and listening. Aim for at least 50% of the time while you are speaking, and at least 70% of the time while you are listening. Avoid crossing your arms. This is a sign that you feel defensive and are closed to the other person. Try to keep your face relaxed. You don’t have to force a smile, but if you feel a sour expression or grimace on your face, take a moment to relax those muscles. Use open palms rather than closed hands if you want to gesture. If the person is close to you and it’s appropriate, use touch to convey your emotions. A hug, or a gentle touch on the arm or hand, can communicate how much the other person means to you. Express your empathy toward the other person. Acknowledge the hurt or damage that you did. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings as real and valued.  Studies have shown that when apologies appear to be motivated by feelings of guilt or shame, they are more likely to be accepted by the hurt person. In contrast, apologies motivated by pity are less likely to be accepted, because they seem less sincere.  For example, you could begin an apology by saying “I deeply regret hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible about causing you pain.” Be as specific as possible when you accept responsibility. Specific apologies are more likely to be meaningful to the other person, because they show that you have paid attention to the situation that hurt him/her.  Try to avoid overgeneralizing. Saying something like “I’m a terrible person” is not true, and it isn’t attentive to the specific behavior or situation that caused the hurt. Overgeneralizing makes addressing the issue seem impossible; you can’t fix being a “terrible person” as easily as you can fix “not paying attention to someone else’s needs.” For example, continue the apology by stating what, specifically, caused the hurt. “I deeply regret hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible about causing you pain. I should never have snapped at you for picking me up late.” Apologies are likely to be most successful if you offer a suggestion about how you will do things differently in the future, or repair the hurt in some way.  Find the underlying problem, describe it to the person without pointing fingers at anyone else, and tell him or her what you intend to do to solve that problem so that you can avoid the mistake in the future.  For example, “I deeply regret hurting your feelings yesterday. I feel terrible about causing you pain. I should never have snapped at you for picking me up late. In the future, I will stop to think more carefully before I say things.” The other person may want to express their feelings to you. S/he may still be upset. S/he may have more questions for you. Do your best to stay calm and open.  If the other person is still upset with you, s/he may react in an unfavorable way. If the person yells or insults you, these negative feelings may prevent forgiveness from occurring. Either take a timeout or try to redirect the conversation to a more productive topic. To take a timeout, express your empathy for the other person and offer them the choice. Try to avoid seeming like you’re blaming the other person. For example, “I clearly hurt you, and it seems like you’re upset right now. Would it be helpful to take a brief timeout? I want to understand where you are coming from, but I want you to feel comfortable.” To redirect the conversation from negativity, try to learn specific behaviors that the other person wishes you had done instead of what you actually did. For example, if the other person says something like “You just never respect me!” you could respond by asking “What would help you feel that respect in the future?” or “What do you hope I would do differently next time?” Express your appreciation for the role that they play in your life, emphasizing that you do not want to jeopardize or damage the relationship. This is the time to briefly recount what has created and sustained the bond over time and tell loved ones that they are indeed loved. Describe what your life would be missing without their trust and their company. . If an apology is not accepted, thank the other person for hearing you out and leave the door open in case they want to talk about it later. For example, "I understand you're still upset about it, but thank you for giving me the chance to apologize. If you ever change your mind, please give me a call." Sometimes people want to forgive you, but they still need a little time to cool off. Remember, just because someone accepts your apology doesn't mean they've fully forgiven you. It can take time, maybe a long time, before the other person can completely let go and fully trust you again. There is little you can do to speed this process up, but there are endless ways to bog it down. If the person is truly important to you, it's worth it to give them the time and space they need to heal. Don't expect them to go right back to acting normally immediately. A true apology includes a solution, or expresses that you are willing to fix the problem. You promised to work towards solving the problem, and you have to carry out your promise in order for the apology to be sincere and complete. Otherwise, your apologies will lose their meaning, and trust may disappear beyond the point of no return. Check in with the other person occasionally. For example, after a few weeks or so have gone by, you could ask “I heard how my behavior a few weeks ago hurt you, and I’m really working to do better. How am I doing?”
साफदिल रहें और ऐसे ना लगें कि आप धमका रहे हैं: खुली हुई और विनम्र बॉडी लैंग्वेज का इस्तेमाल करें: अफ़सोस जताएँ: जिम्मेदारी को स्वीकार करें: आप इस स्थिति को कैसे ठीक करने वाले हैं, उन्हें समझाएँ: सामने वाले की बातों को सुनें: अंत में आभार व्यक्त करें: धैर्य रखें: आपके शब्दों पर अडिग रहें: