Part of codependent relationships is familiarity and "button-pushing."That is why in some situations, it may help to say no and distance yourself from your codependent family members, at least temporarily. Finding the right way to say no will depend on the situation, but it can empower you to walk away when things get rough.  In some cases, when codependent behaviors are not spiraling or threatening your sense of self, you may use a calm response. These could include, "Sorry, I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that," or "Yes, I see that you don't have the same point of view; we are not communicating.” In situations where you feel it is important to disengage quickly, a simple “No,” or “I can’t do that,” will work. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your family member may develop an emotionally-charged response, but you are not obligated to meet their emotions. Violent communication is a form of communication that causes harm, often through coercive or manipulative language. You can start to remove yourself from a codependent dynamic by practicing nonviolent communication. This can help strip the violent communication of its power, and help you detach from the controls of codependency.  Nonviolent communication relies on explaining how you feel without blame or criticism and expressing your needs with empathy. For example, instead of saying, “You always try to control me! Stop!” you may say, “When I hear you telling me that, I feel like I don’t have personal autonomy. I value being able to make that kind of decision for myself. Would you be willing to let me do so?” Using "I" statements helps communicate your point without assigning blame or causing your family member to get defensive. If your family member’s codependency is dictating or dominating your life, you may not want to selectively detach. Instead, you may find it more beneficial to detach completely for a longer period of time. This could be anywhere from a day to a period of years, depending on their behavior and your needs.  In these situations, you may choose how detached you want to be. For example, you could decide you don’t want to be around your family member without other people around, or you may decide you don’t want to be around them period. Always leave a situation if you feel it is potentially dangerous.
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