99% of the time your friend needs a great big hug, an arm around the shoulder, or a gentle pat on the hand. Actions speak louder than words, and they're a lot easier to get right. So just shut up and hold them -- you don't have to think of the perfect words or speech. Your friend may be too upset to start talking right away, and these little gestures can go a long way in making your friend feel less alone. If your friend is trying to wriggle away, then clearly he or she doesn't want you touching them. Be respectful of them and you're doing just fine. Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and make very short comments when necessary. Mostly, let your friend express him or herself and get everything off his chest, even if you want to say something. You're not going to "fix" them -- period. So don't try. This isn't the time to give your opinion or to talk a lot. It's time to let your friend explain everything that has been troubling them so you can get a better sense of their worries.  If your friend isn't saying much, you can say, "Do you want to talk?" or "What's up?" Either your friend wants to talk about it and needs a little prodding, or he or she is just so upset that they aren't ready to talk yet, and all you have to do is be there.  You can make little comments like, "That must be so hard" or "I can't imagine what you're going through..." but don't overdo it. Don't say things like "Oh, I have been through that so many times!" Just be quiet and listen -- this isn't about you at all. Maybe your friend is shivering in the rain. Get her inside and give her a blanket. Maybe she's been crying for an hour straight. Get her some tissues and some Advil. Maybe your friend is standing up telling you how upset he is while carrying a heavy backpack. Get him to sit down. If your friend is a little riled up, get him or her some chamomile tea. If your friend stayed up all night worrying, put him in bed. You get the idea -- be a bit of a nanny.  Your friend may be so upset that he or she isn't looking out for his or her health or comfort. That's where you come in. Take it off their already crowded plate. Do not think that your friend will feel better if you open a bottle of wine or bring over a six pack. Alcohol is never the solution if a friend is upset-- it is literally classified as a depressant. Your friend can be upset for a variety of reasons. A serious reason: your friend just found out that his grandmother is in the hospital. A not-so-serious reason: your friend has just broken up with her boyfriend of six weeks. How angry would you be if someone tried to say, "suck it up, that's not a real problem?" They're upset because it is a real problem to them, so don't be a total jerk and try and minimize their issues.  If your friend mopes about a short-term break-up for way too long, then you can deal with it later. But, in the first moments, you should be a friend, not a bully. Don't offer dumb, useless comments like, "It's not the end of the world," "You'll get over it," or "It's really not that big of a deal." Phil.) Unless your friend turns to you and says, "What do you think I should do?" you should not jump in and tell your friend the five best courses of action, in your humble opinion. It will come off as condescending: like you think your friend's problems can be solved so easily if they're weren't such dunces. Unless your friend is looking up at you with doe eyes, saying, "I don't know what to do..." give it time before you offer any advice.  To be honest, you probably don't know the best course of action either. Unless you're a trained psychiatrist or have first-hand experience, you're just as in the dark as them. You can say simple things like, "You should get some rest," or "Drink some chamomile tea and you'll feel better" just to offer your friend some minor comfort, but don't say things like, "I think you should call Bill right now and sort things out," or "I think you should apply to grad school right away." You're just making it up on the spot, whether you admit it or not. This is another way to quickly annoy your friend. Unless you had once found yourself in an identical situation, you shouldn't say, "I know exactly how you feel..." because your friend will want to scream, "It's not the same!" And it's probably not the same! Take your ego out of this - it isn't about you; it is about your friend. Sure, if the friend is upset because of a serious break-up and you happened to go through one of those puppies too, you can talk about it. But don't compare your three-month relationship to your friend's three-year relationship -- admit it is different.  Saying, "I can't imagine how you feel" is better than "I know exactly what you're going through..." You don't know exactly what they're going through -- you're not them! Sure, it can be comforting for your friend to know that someone else had been through the same situation and survived, but if this is the case, you have to phrase it delicately. Be more reassuring, "you're an amazing person, and you can handle this," then self-assured, "I got through this exact thing, so you can too." Not everyone who is upset wants affection or a kind ear. Some people deal better with things alone, and some people may want to be left alone after talking a problem through. Think about it -- how often have you just wanted some peace and quiet when you feel bad? Don't stick around if you're not wanted; if your friend says he or she needs some alone time, chances are he or she means it. If you think your friend is in danger of harming himself or herself, you must stick around whether they want it or not. Maybe there's a concrete solution and you can help fix it. Sometimes, there is no good solution but a bucketful of ice cream and a bunch of really crappy movies can do the trick. Just ask -- don't feel like you need to read their mind in order to be Mr. Super-Friend.  If they say nothing, then just let them be, already! They're not playing games, they want to be alone. If your friend thinks that you're doing so much for him or her and feels bad about it, remind that friend of a time when he or she was there for you when you really needed it. That's what friends are for, aren't they?
أظهر حبك وامتنانك له. كن مستمعًا جيدًا. راعِ تحقيق الحد الأدني من الاحتياجات الأساسية لصديقك. لا تحاول إخبار صديقك بأن الأمر لا يستحق قلقه وإحباطه، حيث سيحزنه ويقلقه ذلك بالفعل. لا تلعب دور الطبيب النفسي. لا تقل أنك فهمت ما يمر به إلا إذا مررت بموقف مماثل لما يحكيه لك، فهذه طريقة أخرى لتزعج صديقك بسرعة وبشكل غير مباشر. اترك المجال لصديقك إذا أراد قضاء وقت بمفرده. سَل صديقك مباشرةً عن كيفية مساعدته.