If your boyfriend’s possessive behavior is escalating, or is already at a concerning level, it is important to recognize that you probably cannot change him (at least not without professional guidance). His desire to control his  partner may be a part of his personality, but it is one you should not have to put up with. It is then time to  break up.  Plan what you want to say. Remember that your opinion matters and that you deserve to be listened to. Do not let your possessive boyfriend turn the guilt back around on you- remember that you are the one ending this relationship, and you are doing it for a valid and legitimate reason. Breakups are never easy, and they can be especially hard if you were the one being controlled in a possessive relationship.    Pick a place and time to break up with your boyfriend. While breaking up is usually best done face-to-face, a possessive boyfriend may behave in an overemotional or abusive way. A well-populated public place may be the safest for a breakup if you feel in any way concerned about the possible reaction of your boyfriend.  Share your intention to break up with your possessive boyfriend with a trusted friend or family member. Ask this person to hold you accountable for going through with it. Make him let you speak. You should be able to tell him what you want to tell him without being interrupted. As long as you do it in a controlled and civil way, he should listen. Don’t linger. After you say what you need to say, and give him a chance to respond, remove yourself form the situation. Give it time to settle down before you are in contact again. If your boyfriend was possessive while you were dating, he will likely carry this behavior through your breakup. Being prepared for this can help you deal with it when the time comes.   Beware of his attempts to guilt you into staying with him. This may come in the form of “Do you remember that one time we walked on the beach at sunrise?” or it may come in the form of a more serious threat (such as to end his own life). The important thing is that you recognize that this is emotional manipulation- do not tolerate it! If your ex-boyfriend is threatening harm to himself or others, it is essential that you let someone know immediately. Call 911 if you believe he or anyone else may be in immediate danger.  Stick to your guns. Regardless of your boyfriend’s reaction, remember that you made the wise choice to end an unhealthy relationship. You should ask for help or support from your true friends and family in whatever capacity you need. You might need them to reconfirm your choice to end your relationship, or to remind you of some of the concerning behavior of your now ex-boyfriend.  Reconnecting with the people that you may have lost during your relationship with your possessive boyfriend can be a helpful part of moving on from that unhealthy relationship. Removing yourself from a possessive relationship can be challenging. However, fear of being alone is not reason enough to stay with someone who you feel is controlling you. A counselor can help you deal with any negative feelings that you have and can help you deal with the pain of ending a relationship.  Talking through your relationship can be a healthy way to come to terms with the fact that the behavior of your partner was wrong. Whether it was good or bad, ending a relationship is never easy. Taking time alone before beginning a new relationship is advisable. When you are ready, here are some things you should do to begin to move on from your relationship with your possessive boyfriend:   Reflect on the ups and downs of your last relationship. It is important that you recognize that there were good times in addition to bad times. The time you spent in this relationship was not wasted; instead, it served a purpose: it taught you what you DON’T want in a partner. Learn to recognize the signs of a possessive boyfriend early on. Next time, you will be more familiar with the warning signs of jealousy and possessive behavior. You will be more aware with the next person you date. Remember to love yourself. If your relationship took away any of your self-esteem, confidence, or love for yourself, take some time to get that back. Spending time with friends, learning a new hobby, or seeking some solace in a favorite place are good ways to reconnect with your inner self. Enter into your next relationship with care and caution. Take the lessons that you learned in this relationship and apply them into building a happy and healthy relationship with the next person when the time is right.
استعدي للانفصال عن شريكك المتملك. ابدأي في تنفيذ الانفصال. جهزي نفسك لاحتمالية حدوث رد فعل عنيف. احصلي على الدعم من أصدقائك وأسرتك. استعيني بمساعدة متخصصة إذا كنت بحاجة لذلك. امنحي نفسك وقتًا لتجاوُز العلاقة.