Think about how the person has violated your boundaries in the past and what you’d like to see change. This may include the way they talk to you, their expectations of you, or how they treat you in general. Make a list of anything the person has said or done that has violated your boundaries. Some examples of boundary violations may include:  Calling you names Threatening you Shouting or screaming at you Blaming you for their problems Criticizing you or making fun of you Demanding that you do things for them Lying to you and denying it later It’s important to express your needs to the person in a direct manner so that it’s very clear what you’re requesting. However, with a narcissist, you may have more success if you avoid making demands of them.  For example, you might say something like, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I’ll have to leave if you call me that name again.” Or, you might say, “I’m glad you called, but I will need to hang up if you keep yelling at me.” Keep your tone friendly and your voice calm. Avoid getting angry about the things they say and do. For example, avoid responses like, “You can’t talk to me like that! I’m leaving!” or  “If you don’t stop yelling at me right now, I’m hanging up!” These statements are more forceful and a narcissist may get more upset in response. Once you’ve expressed the boundary to the person and the consequence for violating it, see if they abide by it.  If they violate the boundary you’ve just set, follow through with your pre-established consequence.  For example, if you tell the person you’re going to leave if they call you a specific name again and they repeat the name, then get up and leave. If you have warned the person that you will hang up on them if they keep yelling at you and they continue to yell, hang up the phone. Once you start setting boundaries with the person and enforcing them on a regular basis, you may notice that the person behaves differently around you or wants to spend less time around you. This is because they will have realized the dynamic is changing and they cannot get what they want from you as easily or at all any more. This is a good thing, but it may be difficult at first.  For example, after setting boundaries with the person about the way they speak to you, you might notice them speaking to you less or ignoring you completely. Even though the change might be quite noticeable, don’t indicate that you’ve noticed any difference in their behavior or your relationship with them. There might come a time when you do not enforce your boundaries or when the person finds a way to skirt them. If this happens, reflect on the situation and identify how you can reinforce your boundaries in the future.  For example, if you have set a boundary about leaving the room if the person calls you names or threatens you, but you don’t leave the room on one occasion, reflect on why this happened. Were you distracted? Did they do or say something to make you stay? How can you overcome this obstacle to enforcing your boundaries the next time? Keep in mind that enforcing your boundaries will be an ongoing part of your relationship with the person. Be persistent and continue to enforce your boundaries with the person on a regular basis.
حدد ما هي التصرفات المقبولة وغير المقبولة بالنسبةِ لك. أخبِر الشخص النرجسي برغبتك في تحديد التعامل بينكما بشكلٍ مُباشر ولكن بطريقةٍ لطيفة. يجب أن تكون هناك عواقب لتعدي الحدود المُتفق عليها. توقع بعض التغيرات في طبيعة العلاقة بينكما مع وضع حدود للتعامل. خُذ وقتًا مُستقطعًا لإعادة التفكير إذا تساهلت في الحدود التي وضعتها.