It is a good idea to practice what you will say to your boyfriend when you break off the relationship. This will help you work through your thoughts to find the best way to express yourself. This can be very hard to do when you are the victim in a controlling relationship. But you deserve to be heard and respected. Breaking up is usually best done in person. But in an abusive relationship, you should carefully anticipate your boyfriend’s reactions and choose the safest way to lose him instead. If you don’t think he will become violent, then you can do this in person. You may want to choose a public place where he can’t hurt you or break your things. If you think he will get violent, you should just leave the situation without an in-person explanation. You can leave a note if you feel it’s necessary. If you have children or pets, take them with you. If you are concerned at all about your safety, bring a trusted friend with you. This person can be a witness and advocate for you. You can take this opportunity to tell him how his possessiveness has made you feel. Use assertive communication to tell him what you need from a healthy relationship. Tell him that the relationship is not meeting your needs and that you are leaving. You can give some specific examples of how he disrespects you, isolates you, or controls you. Be aware that your boyfriend may not listen to your explanations. He may become very defensive. He may turn violent or apologetic, or he might just ignore you. Stick to your guns and do what’s right for you. Your partner may try begging you to stay and to forgive him. But be extremely wary of promises that he will change. Abuse can “cycle,” in that there is a period of calm, followed by an escalation, and then an attack. After the attack, the entire cycle can begin again. If you’ve reached the decision to leave the relationship, listen to yourself first and foremost. Ignore his apologies and begging. If he threatens that he’ll hurt himself if you leave, you need to ignore him. His actions are his own responsibility. He is using guilt to try manipulating you into staying. You need to ensure your own safety first. If your partner becomes violent, call 911 immediately. Calling 911 can ensure that you will be able to stop any physical abuse that might arise. You can also ensure your safety as you and your kids leave the house. Tell the police about any physical abuse you experienced. Describe what happened in detail and show where you were hurt. Have the police take photos of the marks right away, as well as the next day when bruising shows up. These photos can be used in court. Ask for the officers’ names and badge numbers. Get a report or case number as well, in case you need a copy of the report. The police might arrest your boyfriend if they determine that you are unsafe. Make a list of all the places you can go. Think about friends or family who are not familiar to your boyfriend. Locate a safehouse. Safehouses are usually maintained by nonprofit organizations. They have a secret location and are usually accessible 24 hours a day, so you can sneak away while your partner is sleeping if necessary. They can help you coordinate with government social services to get benefits to get you started. They can also help you get a personal protection order, and many offer counseling services. This person may continue trying to contact you on the phone, through social media, or even in person. Don’t respond to his texts.  Delete his number from your phone. Unfriend him on social media. You may want to change your phone number. If you feel that he is following you around or spying on you, change up your routines. Leave for work or school at a different time and take a different route. If you don’t feel safe, think about getting a personal protection order. A personal protection order (PPO) is issued by the Circuit Court in your region. It offers legal protection for you against a person who is harassing, stalking, threatening or intimidating you. The PPO will prohibit this person from coming to your home or workplace. Keep a detailed record of any contact that your boyfriend makes. If your boyfriend continues to get in touch with you or stalk you, write down the times, places and details of what happened. This can be used to get a personal protection order if you need one.
خططي لما سوف تقولينه. اختاري المكان والزمان الأمثل. يمكنك إحضار شخص ما معكِ كصديق تثقين به، حيث بإمكانه أن يصبح شاهدًا ويدافع عنكِ عند اللزوم. قومي بوصف كيف تشعرك تصرفاته. كوني حذرة من ردود فعله. تجاهلي الاعتذارات. استدعي مساعدة مراكز العنف الأسري إذا أصبح شريكك عنيفًا. جدي مأوى آمن. لا تجيبي على محاولاته للاتصال بك. يمكنك الحصول منه على تعهد أمام دائرة الشرطة بعدم التعرض لك.