Four words: It’s all about them. They talk about their families; their jobs; their problems; their triumphs; and what they want and what they believe they need, generally from you. Often they care little about imposing on your time, or what you might be doing, so they can drone on and on about themselves. When you find this happening, change the subject to something that would still interest them but not be about them. Or cut the conversation short; hopefully they’ll eventually get the picture. Pay attention to how much the other person knows about you. Does your “boyfriend” know why you hated growing up in Buffalo? Do you find that your neighbor, who’s always running out of something, rushes out the door as soon as you bring up something that’s been worrying you about work or your kids? That’s because of the four words – it’s all about them. If a person has no interest in getting to know you or about your life, he or she has another interest in you that is typically not to your benefit.  Discuss this issue with the other person and point it out when it happens. A person who is using someone else frequently won’t return phone calls, text messages and emails unless he or she wants to do so. When your communication happens at times of the other’s choosing, making you feel like Plan B, it’s a sign that you really are Plan B. Either that or you’re needed for something, such as being the designated driver for a semi-buddy’s bachelor party perhaps. When this happens, explain that you find his or her behavior rude and ask that your communication is returned. If this doesn’t work, refuse to do whatever the person wants when he or she finally gets around to contacting you. Does the person in question take your needs and thoughts into consideration before making decisions? Or before making decisions for you? For instance, does your roommate assume you’ll be the one to drive everywhere, even though you have needs, too, such as saving money on gas and not adding miles to your car? If your desires, needs and opinions aren’t factored into the relationship, you’re getting the short end of the stick. Tell the other person that you feel you’re being taken advantage of and taken for granted. Insist on discussing things before either of you make decisions that affect the other. You ask questions, but you don’t get answers. Or you don’t get clear answers. The whole time, in whatever situation, you’re uncomfortably trying to figure out exactly what’s happening and where things are going. It’s time to be direct. Ask your romantic partner why he always has some reason that you’re never invited to the Friday night dinner and drinks he has every week with his circle of friends and their significant others. Invite your business partner to lunch and discuss your concerns about the project that’s not materializing because he won’t reply to certain emails. Some people are insecure and seek to dominate others in an effort to feel better about themselves and their lives. They always have a much better version, brand, method, experience, etc. These types are often “with” you romantically or spend time with you platonically (to teach you the proper way to fold clothes and linens, for ex.) to boost their self-esteem; they use others for emotional benefits and gains. If you notice this happening a lot, you might ask the other person why he or she wants to be around you if you, your things or the way you do things are clearly lacking in their opinion. True friendship, in which you each have the other’s best interests at heart, depends upon trust. “What we say here, stays here” either is or is not in the other’s vocabulary. If you cannot confidently confide in someone, be wary. If you cannot confidently confide in someone without the fear of judgment, don’t reveal it in the first place. Unfortunately, you typically have to learn this lesson the hard way – by having your confidence betrayed. Nonetheless, you can decrease the chances of future damage by remembering who can and cannot be trusted and then not confiding in those people.
أبعد دفة الحديث عن الشخص الآخر. دقق في قلة إنصاته لك. اضغط عليه للتواصل مستمر. اشرح له أن رأيك مهم. واجه مراوغاته. واجه المقارنات والمزايدات. انتبه للخيانة.