In your early communication, you might choose not to share your full name, for example, or details about where you live and work. Although he's your father, he's also a stranger. He may also be reticent about sharing personal details right away.  Try not to start an intense emotional relationship right away. A slow start has been shown to lead to better, more stable long-term outcomes.  You might choose to start by exchanging e-mails, messages, or letters before you meet. This can provide a slower, more measured method of beginning to get to know your father. Two hours is a good length for an initial meeting. Choose a neutral, relatively quiet location, such as a park bench or a calm café during daylight hours, where the two of you can speak to one another easily and express emotion. It's up to you whether to meet with your father alone or ask someone else to come along. Some state and national governments offer an intermediary service, so that you have have a social worker present to mediate your first meeting. This meeting is a chance for you to get answers to questions about your own identity. You might want to plan to ask some questions about your father's life or about your paternal family.  For example, you might say: “I seem be the only one in my family who loves math. Do you like math, too? Did I get that from your side of the family?” Make sure to ask any health-related questions that are important for you. This is a good opportunity to find out about any genetic risks you may carry for things like heart disease, diabetes, or cancer. Notice what you share. It's normal to spend time at this first meeting noticing physical similarities between you and your father. An initial meeting is likely to be very emotional. You may be surprised by what you feel, and so may he. You both need time to reflect on the meeting and think over what you would like to do next. If your father wants to think about the future, you might suggest something small but concrete. For example, you could set up a time to get a cup of coffee and talk again in a few weeks. Make sure that the people who love you know about your meeting with your father. Plan what you will do immediately after the meeting and for the rest of the day. For example, you might plan to call one friend and have dinner with another. Don't plan to return immediately to work or school. If you are seeing a therapist or counselor, or working with a social worker, schedule a meeting or telephone call to debrief.
لا تذكر الكثير من المعلومات عن نفسك بشكل متسرع. قم بترتيب موعد للقاء والدك. قم بطرح الأسئلة. لا تستعجل وضع الخطط الكبرى المستقبلية. وفر لنفسك شبكة دعم من الأصدقاء والمعارف.