It's true--kids lie. A recent
study by the Social
Cognitive Development Lab at Brock University shows that lying
starts as early as the age of 2 in some kids, and that the amount
of lying peaks around the ages of 4 and 10. The study suggested
that lying can be a good sign, and that it means a child is
thinking deeper and more creatively.
I know we all want smart kids, but a
child who understands the difference between right and wrong seems
to be more ahead in the game of life to me. This week, we'll shed
some truth on lying and give you some tips to help keep your kids'
pants from catching fire.
Truth 1- Kids respond
better to praise
You never want to shame or threaten a
child into doing anything. That should never be the goal. Kids
respond better when you praise them for telling the truth instead
of punishing them for lying. In the study by Brock University,
researchers found that when parents tell their kids stories about
people who told the truth and were praised for it (think George
Washington and the cherry tree), lying dropped 30 percent.
Compare that to a University of Toronto study that found kids who
received corporal punishment were better at lying and more likely
to do it again.
Truth 2- Kids learn to
lie from us
In an article by New York
Magazine, Dr. Victoria Talwar, an assistant professor at Montreal's
McGill University and a leading expert on children's lying
behavior, says that adults unwittingly teach kids how to lie. She
writes, "Encouraged to tell so many white lies and hearing so many
others, children gradually get comfortable with being disingenuous.
Insincerity becomes, literally, a daily occurrence. They learn that
honesty only creates conflict, and dishonesty is an easy way to
avoid conflict. And while they don't confuse white-lie situations
with lying to cover their misdeeds, they bring this emotional
groundwork from one circumstance to the other. It becomes easier,
psychologically, to lie to a parent."
What can you do? Simply watch what you
say and encourage parents to do the same.
Truth 3- Lying can be
Don't think that just because they're
young, kids will grow out of lying. If you don't try to correct
their behavior, they can continue to lie. The idea is to catch it
early. Be firm, fair, and forgiving. Many experts agree that kids
should feel free to tell the truth. Create an environment in your
ministry that welcomes truthfulness. Let your kids know that they
can tell you the truth no matter what. And don't label kids as
liars, or they might be more likely to take on that role. By
helping them understand why lies are wrong, we can help them
I want to know what you think. How tough
should you be on lying? Is there such a thing as a little white
lie? What are some lies we tell our kids? Share with us some tips
and tricks you have on handling lying in your ministry. You can
post your comments below!