text: Salaam from a Christian cousin. You need to talk to the people over at r/LGBT_Muslims.  A lot of us who are religious have gone through this exact thing and its not much but the best science about LGBT people suggests that, especially trans people, are born that way. This means that Allah made you how he wants you.  Remember that Allah is the most merciful, but is also beyond human worries and concerns. There's nothing you can do that would make Allah stop loving you.  PM me if you need anything. I'm always here for you