text: Photo : Nuccio DiNuzzo ( Getty Images )
  
  President Trump has added his voice to the dissenters of those unhappy with the recent dropping of all charges in Empire actor Jussie Smollett’s alleged “MAGA country” beating. In an early morning tweet on Thursday, the president said that the FBI and the U.S. Department of Justice would review the case, calling it “outrageous” and “an embarrassment to our Nation!”
  
  
  
  
  Yes, the global embarrassment to our nation is upset with the local embarrassment for allegedly paying to have his ass beat and then lying about the ass beating to the police and then using that beating to desecrate Tupac’s thug name and then allegedly using his influence behind the scenes to skate free of charges for setting up the ass-whopping.
  
  
  According to the Chicago Tribune, while Trump didn’t specify which agency would be looking into the “gay Tupac’s” walk to freedom, the Fraternal Order of Police is calling for a federal investigation into State’s Attorney Kim Foxx’s handling of the case involving “I fought the fuck back!”
  
  Let’s break down the case, shall we?
  
  Smollett claimed that he got hungry and decided to walk to Subway in the Chicago cold, which is always hovering around negative 24 degrees.
  
  On Subway’s best day—where the bread has been freshly baked and is piping hot coming out of the magical stainless steel bread thing—a Subway sandwich, at best, is a stop on the way home. No one is leaving his home in temperatures cold enough to make a polar bear throw on a mink to get a Subway sandwich.
  
  Smollett claimed that he was attacked by two men yelling racist and homophobic slurs.
  
  Random attacks happen. Random attacks against gay people absolutely happen. Do you know how much hate you have to have in your heart (assuming you have one) to attack a man in -24 degree weather? Also to open your mouth in -24 degree weather so that cold air can enter your esophagus and freeze your damn intestines?
  
  
  Smollett claimed that his attackers poured a chemical on him and tied a noose around his neck.
  
  So now Smollett’s attackers have props in -24 degree weather because they’ve been stalking him for their planned attack. Was Smollett interested in buying C-SPAN? Am I missing some of Smollett’s philanthropic work when he’s not pushing his music career? Was Smollett leaving the set of Empire only to ghostwrite parts of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal? Surely there has to be some reason that these alleged attackers sat on Smollett’s house waiting for him. Was his role as Lucious Lyon’s son that powerful? That’s a serious question as I stopped watching the show after this scene:
  
  Now that we’ve solved the case, let’s get back to it....
  
  From the Tribune:
  
  During the police investigation, Foxx reached out to a relative of Smollett concerned about leaks, and then contacted Chicago police superintendent Eddie Johnson. Weeks later, Foxx said she recused herself from the case not long before Smollett was charged with filing a false police report. Smollett was later indicted on 16 counts of disorderly conduct on charges he staged the attack, but in a sudden reversal Tuesday, prosecutors dropped all the charges at an unannounced court hearing. Foxx insisted she had no role in the dismissal but defended the move, saying her office often handles cases in a similar fashion for defendants with nonviolent backgrounds — an assertion that a number of Chicago attorneys contacted by the Tribune disputed. Foxx told the Tribune Wednesday she would never have gotten involved if she knew Smollett would later be deemed a suspect and not a victim. “I’ve never had a victim that turned into a suspect,” she said. “In hindsight as we see (how) all of it has played out, you know, is there regret that I engaged with the family member? Absolutely.”
  
  
  The FBI is already looking into a threatening letter that was sent to the actor a week before the attack since they have jurisdiction over crimes involving the U.S. Postal Service. Chicago Police Superintendent Eddie Johnson told the Tribune that the letter was about as real as the allegedly staged attack.
  
  But now that Trump is on the case, expect this all to be solved in days, assuming, of course, that Smollett has no ties to Russian oligarchs. Then we can assume that this will be investigated and the findings will be turned over the attorney general who will issue a paragraph to Congress noting that there was no collusion between Smollett and two buff Nigerian brothers who don’t seem to own shirts.