text: Walk the dog and procure butter and Nutella -fucking Nutella is the price of gold in Sainsbury’s local, I got an armed guard to walk me home!
  
  Wash the floor where the dog walked foot prints in whilst inventing new swear words.
  
  Teach the little shits a valuable life lesson by telling them that they won’t be getting new swimming goggles as they lost their brand new ones whilst laughing inwardly.
  
  Read Grazia whilst making coffee and watching Team Titans Go then swear at yourself for time wasting.
  
  Wake your husband up by opening the blinds and sorting laundry to try to make him feel guilty (though he won’t)
  
  Make the little shits put their swimming stuff on under their clothes like clever mummies do and set off to swimming lessons on time.
  
  Clean dog poo out of the area that used to be known as your garden (but is now a pet toilet for your puppy, the local bastard fox and next doors cat) whilst also picking all the wet socks up that the little shits left out there yesterday.
  
  Don’t think that the men can’t get involved too. They can lie in bed smelling and snoring (until rudely awoken by your good self doing an impression of a chamber maid on speed )
  
  Aaaaah the weekend, a time for happiness and family time.
  
  Totes is live from the leisure centre. She was not late and she is not hungover. She is however, just a tad stressed.