I am in a loving, long term relationship with my girlfriend. She does not ask me to change myself or try to be something different, but is nevertheless hurt by some of the things that I do, and how those things reflect on a disconnect between our respective values. Moreover, she does not want me to just change my behavior for her sake as I have offered to do , but truly wants me to see things the way she does. This disconnect on specific issues is the primary issue in our relationship, and we have gone through cycles of frustrating discussions interspersed with long periods of avoiding the topic. First, she sees viewing porn as a form of infidelity. I would agree with her if I were in any way interacting with the subjects I view. I never watch camgirls or comment on gonewild posts. I don't even have porn stars that I know by name. I just use porn as a helpful tool to be able to relieve that desire when it arises and I am alone. I know that I can masturbate without porn, but it takes much longer and is more difficult, and I don't always have the time and mindset to do so. And frankly, I don't have the motivation to do so if I don't think that watching porn is wrong in the first place. Again, I have offered to and have for periods of time actually change d my behavior for her sake, but the mindset is key. Second, she thinks that having significant personal discussions with other girls that I don't know well is inappropriate. She is fine with me talking to my good female friends, but problems arise when I make a serious comment to any other girl. I have gone through a lot of personal change in the past 5 6 years, and part of that change has been to make myself more open and honest. I have reached a point where I truly have nothing to hide I would answer most any question about myself to a stranger. I have also always been very observant, as well as a good listener, and so people have come to me seeking advice throughout my life. People tell me things they don't tell anyone else. I love that I can sit down next to someone I've never met before and talk about literally anything. I love that I can make a connection with someone in a very short span of time. This ability has led to good friends and good stories. I know that words and actions can be misinterpreted, but since I am observant I think that I am very good at picking up when a girl might be developing an interest. Regardless, I make sure to always freely mention that I am in a relationship, and to carefully avoid physical contact in almost all forms. Finally, let me reiterate that she is not asking me to change. She is an incredibly loving and dedicated girlfriend who has been personally hurt and frustrated by these issues she has tried and continues to try to change her own views so that we can get past this. I continue to try to adjust my behavior, but I fear that these issues won't go away unless I can really change my view. I think for the most part very rationally, I have an overactive guilt complex about causing pain for others, and hope that someone here can help me to honestly see things her way.
I believe that viewing porn does not represent infidelity, and that having personal conversations with relative strangers of the opposite sex is not inappropriate.