The film starts properly in Egypt in a purposely indeterminable time, where Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad break free from within the Sphinx and are attacked by an oversized poodle who kills Frylock before Shake defeats it. Shake and Meatwad flee with Frylock's corpse and meet "Time Lincoln", who revives Frylock. When government agents break into his house, Time Lincoln helps the Aqua Teens escape in a wooden rocket ship. Time Lincoln is shot, changing history and resulting in the Confederacy winning the American Civil War, with the government agents being made slaves to a Black Kentucky Colonel. All this, however, is just an elaborate story concocted by Shake to explain their origin to Meatwad. Meanwhile, a slice of watermelon named Walter Melon observes events of the Aqua Teens from his spaceship.