It is this need for others, in order to "be", which makes us afraid to contradict a family nexus, risking family exclusion. However "to a number of people the phantasy system of the nexus is a lousy hell, not an enchanting spell, and they want out...But within the phantasy of the nexus, to leave is an act of ingratitude, or cruelty, or suicide, or murder...Herein is the risk of defeat and madness." The distortion involved in not going against the nexus can force wrong thinking - leading to "not being in reality", which Laing saw as the essence of schizophrenia; and for Laing "one of the most important questions, therefore, is whether such mistrust of her 'feelings' and the testimony of others arises from persistent inconsistencies within an original nexus."