just putting it out there not to any particular person, talk often about how you are feeling. even if there are no exact words, talk about that confusion. just talk, talk, talk. typing, or art, or out loud, or through music, just get your emotions out. eventually, it will make sense even if not to you, but to someone, who can help you through the tangled web of emotions. by not keeping it to yourself, you can start crawl forward, step forward, walk forward, run forward and eventually re-enter the world that paused.
grief is a hard thing. sometimes it can take hours, days, weeks, months, years to learn to live 