note to self : stay away from cowboy . but if you do n't want to come , fine . but now that i was eighteen , my treatment was my own . i said , is everybody having a good f**king time ! '' monarch slips his coat off and drops it to the floor . although there is still heat in his eyes , something else sweeps across his face . i wanted to close my eyes for a moment , see if i could try and wake up . 