he tried to imagine his final moment it was only a few seconds away . i do n't believe in magic or dreams . he looked for instructions and found them . i want to feel it , memorize it . '' the guard outside the door looked in more from curiosity than concern . thought to myself that the rocks over me might fall and bury me alive . there was no point in rushing him when he was like this . sir , i dont disapprove , i only feel its not our place to question our orders . 