(it's much easier to dismantle a bomb when it is not exploding than when it has already gone off.) see if you can find a time that you are both calm and in agreement that it's a good time to talk about this pattern. see if she is open to talking about what happens for her and what she thinks would be most helpful to her at those times. for some, it's a comforting word or statement. for others, it's a reminder that you are on their side and that you want to know what they are feeling and needing. some people feel reassured by physical touch when they are 