but she did not want us to touch her . i leaned against the door of the car to stay upright . my heart was drumming so loud and fast my ears were ringing . `` i 'm sure you do n't have to work too hard to keep that body in shape . i can not help but wonder if you fully appreciate their meanings . it was comforting and lonely at the same time , like making a call to a friend who lived very far away . to be honest , i kind of felt like she had . 