it sniffed at her , a huffing , animal sound . but instead of catching it , instead of the blade landing in his lap , it passed through him . i start thinking i am going to choke , and i am afraid they will start cutting me up before i am properly under . missing her blossomed into an ache ; it was the reason he never called . i honestly do n't know what i want , let alone what he 's thinking . '' `` are you kicking me out of the bed ? '' 