i walk in to find a window providing a view of the university , and a pitcher of lemonade and a bunch of chocolate-chip cookies sit waiting on the table . surely she would have known , have felt something . his head went back to the hides and his eyes caught mine . i knew that if my own mother could n't love me , her flesh and blood , her son , then love did n't exist . `` then what are you trying to do ? '' and a few days ago she almost did . 