i asked if he minded that i sit in , out of the way in the back of the room , and i gave , well , returned something to him before the class started filing in . that 's how they get you in the end , with hope , do n't you understand ? to hell with it , he thought , keeping secrets was never one of my strong suits anyway . you will learn to follow my will , though you hate it with all your heart . i know he meant a lot to you . ' 