it was just for now , an emergency measure . `` my lawyer sued the utility company whose truck hit me , and we lost the case . `` so much that when the time came , i wanted to die with her . was it someone who had seen me pick up the sunflower that sunny afternoon with so much care ? she 's staggering through the mud toward me . soon , we 'd be joined , and there 'd be no going back unless i was ready to give up my soul with it . 