`` i feel like the worst person for what i 'm about to wish for , but if it means winning the match , then so be it . you do whatever is needed to keep on task . she checked his reaction to this . maybe it 's knowing that there 's someone out there who cares about what happens to me . but he would hardly be satisfied with this . i had written a future history outline but this kind of set me back . a sense of loss slammed into her . you yourself should know how rare those are . 