by the time i clean up , go to the bathroom , pop some food in my own mouth , it seems like she 's awake again and demanding another meal . '' every thought in his mind was just that he needed her . she should still be alive right now . too often a fix-it involved putting his skin on the line ; might be different if he had a replacement , but this skin was his one and only . she backed up , unsure of his intent . you thought he started the fire , he said . 