can’t feel any of that when you’re constantly (unconsciously) pushing people away. the goal is to be able to recognize triggers while they’re happening and cut them off at the pass until that becomes the new default. to learn how to love and be loved (and love yourself), and forgive, and grow, and move forward. it’s hard work. and the longer you wait to face it all, the longer it takes to try and correct it.
i was a 14 year old boy when my dad died suddenly, violently and by his own hand, and i vividly remember feeling like that was the day the world turned dark and my childhood 