she was n't sure how many more she could bear and still survive . there arent very many people left who know a thing or two about medicine . i think they want it done soon . i was feeling a mixture of things-confusion , hurt , sexual frustration-and so i was slow in sitting up . for martin it had always been a dilemma whether or not to reveal his faith in the church of the higher we . `` that barely has any alcohol in it ! '' she had less than a half hour to go through it . 