i curled up next to her chest and we enjoyed the soft, comforting breath sounds of one another. i am sure she knows it because everyone tells her that she gave me the best years of my life. and this is true. but she is still very sad. i’m sure she is hurting and will for some time. she will turn the calendar in her office from september to october in a few days and will see my picture for the month of october 2018. she will look at me and smile and she might cry a bit. i hope she will smile more than she will cry. i want 