`` you think i 'm still hung up on that ? '' while we wait for your mates return . gray hated to admit it , but he was torn . `` i 'd have to say ... fifty-fifty again . '' anyway , thirty-seven people , not all of them real fighters , were not enough to meet the big ones in open battle and i could n't manage more than that . i was just so freaked out and hurt , and ... and sometimes i lose control . '' 