ben was already an old-hand on the scene when i met him , while i was fairly new it to . i was trying to tell the truth . `` er , '' she said again , and then dropped her gaze and waved her hand vaguely , `` oh , just some celebrity sort . '' beth had never felt so happy or so alive before . i wanted to kill all those people standing there and taking your picture while you bled . '' his voice was raw , growling , as if the admission had been dragged out of his chest . 