but the days when they used to speak so freely to each other were history . i was too old for the circus , i 'd told him . she asked if i ever felt like hurting or killing myself . she 'd been shown the pictures that were available and they were of a doctor still fresh from grad school . i 'm certain that she 's going to roll off the deck and tumble down the steps but she catches herself and is able to get a running start back at chest . 