he leaned over to kiss her forehead and paused . the drugs were slipping through his body , dragging him slowly down into hell . `` what you ought to know , '' i scolded , `` is that i wo n't allow any matchmaking . i know what i stand to lose , believe me . i just dont want every time you look at me to see someone else . i paused the frantic knitting , but i did n't look up . 