but i had had a lifetime of saying it , like a human who says , `` what in the name of god . '' everyone is staring at me , waiting for an explanation . often she is quiet , watching yet not judging . do us all a favor and just go for it . cool water bit at her sun-warmed skin as she hit the surface . she knew more than enough for the time being . every time i went under , they asked how i was . he grabbed her head in both hands . 