this month would be the month that it would happen only to be disappointed. some months hurt more than others did. some months i could convince myself it was a good thing because this meant that i could do something fun i might not have been able to do had i been pregnant. some months i would cry and not be able to stop when i would think about how something i want so bad was just out of reach. that i had no control. other months i would not allow myself to get the least bit excited in order to prepare for the worst, only to still feel just 