his hands paused before pushing down his leggings , and he looked in her direction . i should have known it was n't going to be simple . you put there at the end of the day yourself on the couch , calm , without disturbing anybody . stella had called him papa tonight , more than once . `` you have to be able to live with yourself , '' i told him . `` i thought we 'd play it by ear . im now as flesh and blood as you . 