she took him by the hand and brought him back to her apartment , which was only a few blocks away . but brad could see it in the pale blue eyes . `` lots of different ways i want to see your body move , '' he said . shes trying so hard to understand the things im going through just as im trying to understand the transition shes making . we are used to being together . i wanted him dead , so badly-but i did not kill him . '' 