it was heavy and took two hands to hold it properly . make sure it was all as real as it had felt last night . they were going to be part of it . not the sound of his men coming to his aid . my face is pressed into his shoulder but it does n't stop the words i 'm determined to say . `` you can come out now , private . more bliss to blot out the urge to do harm . when he asked her about it , she plucked it out of her handbag . 