we had no other choice and as it is i was starving so we ate lunch . what i wanted was for someone to turn the color and smells and volume down . there were six or seven more steps down to the landing , and at the last moment , i took a flying leap downwards . `` i expect because i think i can handle life better on my own . lately , he 's a nervous wreck about the babies . how long had that been after it had happened ? 