i was having a lot of fun , truly . `` who nearly compromised another shield in this situation , '' thomas reminded me . i want to ask him what he means-what he 's hoping for-but there are things so dark and dirty and hopeless inside me that i 'd prefer everyone , like me , continue to ignore they exist . now he knew it was partly because she was famous , but even if she 'd just been a regular woman , people would have stopped and stared . 