but when she stared down into the drawer ; all she saw was ruby 's face as it had been for that one second , that instant that had somehow been both then and now . ivy shrugged by way of a response . `` so i have , '' he said , in a voice as still and cold as stone . suddenly i feel myself being picked up and turned over . he frowned when he realized there was no danger . there 's no reason to think he 's found god and has changed his mind . '' 