oh god ... oh god , it was him . as much as you can find . by the smell of the garbage , the bags had been there for weeks . i could not sleep in what was essentially a cupboard . `` when was the last time you could taste and feel some little lovely 's cries ? '' she 's been up there for hours . my poor baby had an accident . is it because i 'm not stunning like them ? '' up into that point , he was the most important person ever to come into my life . 