`` first of all , is n't it always an orchid ? i had n't wanted to kill her buzz with my stupid boy drama . nick had been on it all weekend , yet again . she would not cry , though tears pricked her eyelids . she could never breathe and it made her panic . i still think we should wait longer . he murmured and pulled her close again , his breath hot against her hair . i had a lot of work to do before i could figure out where to start . 