unconsciously , i put my hand on her back , drawing warmth from her , since i felt like i had none of my own left . last time he tried , i totally freaked out and i had the impression that we did n't even get started . how could he get a message to ruth ? somewhere in there , we 'd started calling it the `` way . '' `` it seems like you do n't believe in that , but at the same time you 're playing . '' 