i did n't understand how that was possible , how i could in any way bring her joy , but somehow , i seemed to and that thought made me feel content and full - full of something i did n't even know how to completely express . red pushes jared to the front of the line where he has a front-row view to whats going down . i am also curious , i said as he filled it . kelly needed my help at the garden party last spring , i told him . 