cliff took beau outside and returned just as she was mashing the potatoes . they were for helping me in every way . she smiled , but her heart seemed to beat both with joy and pain . but he was ... you know ... ' 'old , ' gardener muttered , then remembered and raised his voice again . `` like hell i 'm leaving you alone , '' i said , not letting go of his arm . `` now you want to plant me there like a sitting duck ? '' buffy turned around with a big smile on her face . 