a dozen or so pages in when i thought, "oh wow, oh no — this is too good." and i shut the book. and as with so much else in my life at that time, i put it in a special place with a pat and a kiss, and decided to wait, so that i could eventually share that experience with my child. . . . for many years, as i waited and worked to become a mother, i would think to myself (and think to myself; i thought this many, many times), "but everything is still ahead of me! all of the firsts are still ahead of me!" and 