she was a black woman , and she could see me in the car , she could see im an old white guy , and she called me baby . the last five years have been unbelievable in more ways than one . he knew he was n't much of a scientist , but he thought that he at least acted like one pretty good . i felt so guilty that i could n't let myself live . '' he took a few more deep breaths , then literally splashed cold water on his face and neck . 