i thought everything was going to be under control . god , she was going to explode . he aimed the blinking flashlight toward the doorway and peered inside . he looked at me and frowned . i was so damned tired , not sleeping , my mind filled with garbage . if he wanted to heap verbal abuse on us , we were perfectly willing to accept it . `` i 'm sorry , '' i said , finally , because i did n't know what else to say . 