time moves on and things change . id never understood why we were required to have media availability on practice days . i 'm not about to reveal all my secrets . '' the longing would have faded with time and you would have looked back on the experience as nothing more than a nightmare . the men had been partying with the chaos bleeds crew . i stumbled into a bulletin board , mounted to an a-frame stand in the lobby . despite the girl 's strength and will , it was slowing , and i could count seconds between each beat . 