i do not want to lose one moment of effort against them . `` up , '' i said and forced myself upright . but when she spoke , all sympathy for her drained away . i ask the angel who is still beside me . kelly squeezed her car into a small spot right out front . we drove two hours into the darkness and then pulled off into a big , empty field . each flame traveled down the course of the strips until they reached the ends , holding on for dear life . 