then , to her horror , she saw alexander with a cup in his hand . you made me feel so much better about myself . he rolled the cigarette between his knuckles , staring at it . he wondered if there was a spell to freeze time so he wouldnt have to face whatever force of men might come on this day . for just a moment , i saw myself and stick , huddled together in the cold shell of my room , an open book between us . 