his pain , his suffering , awakened feelings in me for him that i had never felt before . this was the clay i loved more than anything . he believed this act of hitting might lay heavily on his conscience forever . i examined the door carefully , looking for wires but found none . the mechanics alone ... ' he trailed off , lost in thought . i wanted to wear it now , wear it all day , wear it forever . he jumped up and shut the music off . `` you should n't be running around out here alone . 