they pushed discs across the deck floor with the poles , down to a game board with numbers , several yards away . `` and while you lay there helpless , staring at your sister , i 'd cut your finger off and make you eat it . i doubted he knew how much i looked forward to the moment when i 'd see him again . floating beneath that beauty , the smell of blood was strong . 'not as long as i 'm still breathing , he does n't . `` remember that day we fought in the barn ? 