he put on such a good face for the kids , but i knew this had to be tearing his heart apart . his hair was thick and blonde like his mother 's had been ; he liked to wear it in a shaggy style . my hips move again and he holds them down , away from his . i fumble around with the bag that holds the pregnancy test . he was starting to feel nervous . to help with the transition , ava planned something special for them this morning . now i try playing this game again . 