i worry that there wo n't be a chair left for me and wonder exactly how i planned to make friends with people who have probably been grouped together like this since childhood . this grin was too bitter , too full of mocking to satisfy me . i know that i lost , and the only thing keeping the pain at bay is what is making it difficult to think straight . tomorrow we would remember a man most people would rather forget . you made this nice breakfast and now i 'm ruining everything . '' 