worried about how i would do on my own , so to speak , without dad 's research notes to prop me up . } nick waited until his mother picked up the phone . it was the first thing she thought of . i was breathing heavily now , wanting to block out his words but with him there , all around me , i could n't . its been hard enough just making ends meet . and maybe you can show me something down here later . i ca n't imagine daniels took that too well . '' 