this was everything about cole 's smile made into a real thing , a physical object made out of his hands looped around me and his long body pushed up against mine . is it okay if i sit beside you ? after getting in bed , i lay there listening to the sound of my own breathing and the faint glimmering of voices still coming from the television . `` do you think anyone will ever love me ? '' he said , yes , ill help you get it started , the choke sticks . 