the second was two years away . the more he thinks about it , the more confused he looks . he asks , falling from his chair onto one knee . i opened my eyes to find russ 's face close to mine . `` when i had to-when i felt that i must or go mad- '' i laid my fingers against his lips , to stop him . she stared at him , interrupting what else he was about to say with a cold , distant expression . taking turns , the girls crushed the seed into a grey powder . 