and i also ca n't say that i have my head straight about all that 's gone on . `` well , what i saw may not be what electric light does look like , '' he admitted , `` but that 's what i said to myself when i saw it . i like being this close to him . i turned my head toward the window and let the tears fall freely , the most i 'd ever allowed , and the absolutely only time i 'd ever cried and had a genuine right to . why didnt we do this before ? 