had n't i done that with other masters , without ever telling them , just brought my god close up to be near me , but had he ever really come ? it was then that i realized something . and you definitely ca n't keep it going with only one official intake worker . was it because he attacked you ? with his head still tilted and his hand still at the pit of his stomach , his chest heaved in and out , and his growing painful expression felt like a knife just stabbed my heart . 