tony was inside , looking back at me . the years washed over me in waves , some murky , other clear , which took me everywhere i didnt want to go . on the contrary , she 'd loved every second of it . could we please talk about this tonight ? so i said , 'mister , i 'm sorry you want to kill yourself . he paused , then whispered , `` do you think ... ? '' he can only do that now by telling what he once demonstrated . 