ill be dead meat before i even get through my growth spurt . `` that 's why i did n't bring it up . '' i nodded and headed inside the dorm . i never used to feel like i did n't know exactly what i was doing , where i was going , and what i wanted . i do n't know how i know that ... '' she trailed off . the fact that they thought he 'd been pretty much of an idiot to go running with me-well , that was left on the back burner . 