it used to be a human being , lily said . `` save your pity party for later . `` so he 's in jail because he does drugs ? '' is that a problem for you , grandfather ? `` i just have the awful feeling she 's built an image of me that i can never live up to . '' i empty my stomach , then stand up again , wiping my mouth with my hand . it looks like he wants to say something , but cant quite figure out the words . 