it 's irritating how everybody 's eyes seem to be on us , but benjamin does a great job of ignoring them and giving me his full attention . emma lowered the scarf and blinked . the door was closed , i opened it , entered then i closed it . seeking , struggling ; struggling to let go. caroline stared wide-eyed at him , her heart going into its crazy thumping rhythm again . he was going to be necessary to this investigation . but after six months of futile appointments and following procedure , i 'm ready to tear my hair out . 