the second ideal of the knights radiant . `` alec says sometimes you have to shake things up , '' she grumbled , `` to see what falls out . '' then , convinced im suddenly real again , or as real as the dead get , i look up , surveying the field . he doesnt really know what im thinking about . i stand in the tub and wave . so i looked at him and took the pig . i have my son to worry about . '' i do n't want her to know anything of this . 