and i still do n't understand why you insisted on dragging me out to buy a dress . carried away by my enormous success i was sure i could answer anything the man threw at me . `` i was a struggling artist and photographer for ages , working on commission , waiting to be picked for jobs from among incredible competition , all while drowning in debt . '' the shrill sound of the voices of the church ladies haunted me , and i was only too conscious of the similar sound in my own speech later . 