one that affects us both , and one that will change the very fabric of our relationship . when she came back to him , it was with 'no visitors . there was dirt under my fingernails for the first fourteen years of my life . then you can spend the rest of the day with me . '' in the middle of a dream , one that involved the underside of waves and shadows with teeth , i carried the creature to the bathroom . suspecting it was true made me want to throw up . 