i concentrated so hard on keeping jared from sensing my grief that i felt numb most of the time . if he saw it and wanted me here , would n't he have pulled me into his arms ? `` may i ... ask my mistress a question first ? '' `` i ca n't believe i used to do this stuff all the time . `` do n't take this the wrong way , but you do n't look so great , '' i told him . do you plan to make a weapon of it ? 