i ca n't say , i was n't here , '' he said , assuming the now familiar blank expression . i wish for death on a daily basis . `` think of it as being the opposite of a gravity well . he 'd rather suffer than be happy . '' my voice echoed inside the tornado , bouncing against the wind and up into the cavern ceiling . for the rest of hers and beyond . but you know how cruel teenagers can be . '' i put my hand on colleen 's arm and push her back . 