but now that i was married to martin , i was not so concerned . i just hoped i have the strength to keep up my brave face for everyone . suffice to say , my intent was no more pure than smoke . the outside of the cup was already sweating and i watched as a drop of water made its way down the side . he is not in any danger right now , but that surgery can not be put off any longer . i want to live to see thirty , thank you . '' 