she cracked a smile and then remembered in the pain that , yeah , she was supposed to be mad at him . he could n't resist you , '' she said , revealing what she 'd believed in her heart at the time . this boy , however , was not faking . one that had died in childbirth . his hot breath traveling from my ear down to my neck was making me sick . maybe i can find or make some for you ? so that 's what this is really about ? 