my mother came over a lot , and at first i was relieved . i sit until the sun is over my shoulder and we dont get much farther than that . all i could see were signs on the walls : be alert ! are you telling me you just trundled off to work and got through the entire week with all that gear in your closet ready to go ? he could n't bring himself to leave her completely for fear that she 'd block him out again . `` it 's too heavy for me , remember ? '' 