`` what we were ordered to do in each other 's presence . i could hardly tune in to what he was saying , but i smiled and nodded , trying to pretend like my mind was n't back in the office with ben , trying to figure out what he had n't said to me . there was one other side effect : the hand . all my life i wanted to know what that meant . i guess that it can be said that we are in `` adventure '' . 