`` if he 's dead , we 're no use to him . it 's been almost ten years now and i have n't stopped . she cleared her throat and gave me a sad look . i 'm trying to figure out how to handle them . did all new mothers feel this way ? it hurts to punch people in the face . `` these two were killed crossing the border , eh ? then she would n't be constantly reminded of the girl she had been and how much she had once loved him . 