i do not want him to remember his mother as the woman who cried herself to sleep regularly or awoke, night after night, unable to sleep. at some point, there has to be an end to all of this so i can go back to living and showing my child the mother i want to be.
i do not know when that point will be, but i can feel it circling. it is drawing close. and whether it ends with a healthy pregnancy or more loss(es) is not for me to decide. that much is clearly out of my control. for although i am becoming resigned to the reality that i 