he was n't wearing a costume , just black jeans and a black pullover sweater . `` it may not be for you to know , '' he answered . i stared up at my dad , too afraid to look away because i feared he might actually vanish , too scared to stand because i knew my legs would n't hold me . `` i need to ... '' she stopped , and could n't finish . was she seriously asking me that ? he took his glasses off , using his shirt to rub them clean . 