i do n't want to be trashy , '' i finished , feeling self-conscious . `` i made two trips down to the car with boxes . `` hey , '' he pointed over his shoulder . i had a lot to think about lately . remember , this is entirely up to you . i turned my head to study his face . have courage and be ready for change , emerald said . flirting with boys , eventually doing things with them that earned me a terrible reputation . i feel terrible , maybe more than i should . 