i was n't going to tell on alan and i knew he would n't own up by himself : even alan 's best friends know he 's not the bravest in the world but my mind was stuck in low gear and i could n't think of a reasonable lie . after a little consideration , i took a deep breath and produced another hidden box . or maybe she 'd write him another note . in fact , in order to live in the present , we have to be blind to the future . she was polite but behind schedule . 