he turns back to gaze down at me , his expression softer . he got up , went to the hall dresser , and found a pack of cigarettes . were getting him to the bathroom , the coach explained . but , sometimes he knew he went too fast . he gave a swift nod and closed the door behind him . i grabbed his ankle and he jumped up , turning and kicking his free leg right over my head . it is all that we have left to us . 