a stranger would n't notice it , but to a woman who 'd spent so much of her adult life seeking that very thing , it shone like a neon sign . he made it difficult for me to refuse . `` you almost seemed to pay more attention to that waitress than you did to me . '' i should leave the word `` idiot '' off . i took a deep breath and said the only thing i could possibly say , `` pain . '' `` that 's all any of us has to do now . 