looking down , i saw my beaten body . then as i got older and saw the hell they were going through , i decided that i had a choice of being happy or angry . like a lot of engines turned on at once , buddy said . please , give me a few minutes alone with him . the word hit me in the chest . let us pretend that we are on a ship , she said to them , and we are sailing to somewhere safe . i decided to go someplace far away where nobody knew me . 