`` if you 'd known it was me , would you have ? '' she handed him the menu and waited anxiously as he read through the details , her shoulders dropping with relief when his eyebrows shot up in surprise . the church believed they were the same man . so now you want me to stay up ? he wants her to chew him . i can go up and get another . '' i close my eyes and tell myself i can do this - that i 'm the strong one at the moment . 