when he does n't raise his head , i move to put my fingers on his bare chest . my gaze swept over my small room a final time . it has a speaker phone setting , she called from the kitchen . like an animal that wont bite . at least she was satisfied that she knew everything . this is my first twice-a-week since i was around nine years old . if you stop allowing yourself to , you will start to stop caring about why you are fighting this war in the first place . '' 