what you 're describing is exactly the job i left behind . '' `` i need to get control of my life and i 'm going to get it and i do n't care how . which was really why he had already taken two glasses of water , and had surreptitiously rubbed his chest a couple of times . heart pounding in her throat , she raised the cane up in front of her shoulder , and stepped into the back room . `` which is why i could n't bear it if anything happened to you . '' 