i looked down at her , counted the breaths that no longer filled her lungs because i blocked them . he was pacing the lobby , glancing at his watch . it was the first time she had refused him anything , and he did n't like it at all . my men were all standing around in the kitchen . i cant even begin to understand the fear that you must have been going through not knowing whether your son was going to make it past the next minute , while he was struggling to make sure he came back to you . 