my looks were all used up caring for others . it took all my concentration to restrain myself . she had fallen into a pattern of survival that had always required that she remain ... aloof . its eyes did n't go wide , as though it was n't particularly surprised that this had happened . you have someone ready to fall on his sword ? sure darling , like when you go on a field trip with your class or chase butterflies out on the lawn . his eyebrows shot up , as he squirmed , looking away from me . 