i knew she was using drugs , but she told me that she 'd stop because it was messing her up . '' is n't that how it always works ? i 'd move heaven and earth to find her . i did n't know if i could ever find peace knowing he was alive . her hands rested on his thighs . she seemed more real when she was angry . `` then how did she , '' i could n't bring myself to say my sister 's name , `` find out about me ? '' 