A Song for Europe (Father Ted) have plans to enter a song. Ted decides that if Dick Byrne can write a song, he and Dougal can write a better one. After working all night, they come up with "My Lovely Horse", a tuneless dirge with ridiculous lyrics lasting less than a minute. After trying the song out on Mrs Doyle and Father Jack, Jack is so infuriated he shoots Ted's guitar. Disillusioned, they are about to give up when Ted discovers the lyrics fit a tune by "Nin Huguen and the Huguenotes", an obscure B-side for an entry from Norway's Eurosong preselection from the 1970s. Ted
The Mainland (Father Ted) their fees of £200, or they would have to stay in jail overnight. Ted is initially ready to let them stay, but mis-interpretes Dougal's sign that his trousers' zipper was undone as directing him to the winnings he collected earlier, and Ted pays for their release. They return to Craggy Island, with Ted announcing they will never go to the mainland again. Sometime later, Wilson is bike-riding across Craggy Island, and gets lost. He goes to the parish house to get directions, and when Ted answers the door, he utters "I don't believe it!" The Mainland (Father Ted) "The Mainland"