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If a grad is having a party, experts say invitations should be sent to local friends and family three to four weeks before the date. Invitations for out-of-town relatives and friends should be sent out at least six weeks in advance, and should include a map of the area along with a list of local hotel suggestions.
Ideally the invites should be received 2 - 4 weeks before the shower. There are two thoughts that might influence your hostess when they make the decision. If you send them out too late, some people have already made plans. If you send them too early, people forget by the time the shower date arrives.