[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It may have been won by Blood Magic, but now is the time to celebrate. A great age is ahead of you. The Astros are a dynasty in the making. The Rockets are championship contenders. The Texans are fearing on the right path.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A World Series and endless adulation from the baseball audience. But there will be a bounty that's required as payment for sorcery. The question isn't a matter of if it's paid, but when it starts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Add to that your geriatric owner butchering a common figure of speech, creating even more scandal than you once thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their first two picks in the next draft are property of the Cleveland Browns. Turns out having to shut Osweiler's contract and trade up in a panic for Deshaun Watson at a greater cost than expected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they still have a quarterback, and that's good. Not the worst outcome in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they also have the Houston Rockets. Look at all of the talent they have now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A well-balanced roster flush with depth and ability to make a true impact. The Western Conference Finals. This is their time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Admit it, you thought it was just the Watson injury. Oh no, this succubus is going to suck the life out of you. You'll enjoy it as she takes out Chris Paul. And you're not only going to like it, you'll see them lose in the most brutal, agonizing way possible. At their own game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lineup is just as potent. Alex Bregman is emerging as a legitimate MVP candidate. Justin Verlander becoming a champion for women's rights. And rewarding him by acquiring a woman-beating piece of shit in Roberto Asuna to close out more than games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of the talents still on display as you pull on Osuna and the Indians in the ALDS. It points to another outstanding outcome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only one issue. The Boston Red Sox are an even greater machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The lady in red smiles in glee as they cannot be stopped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't feel bad, no one does. Not even the dodgers who also proceed to get their asses kicked. Did I also mention that their manager was your old bench coach? Maybe he stole some of your mojo in the process, just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the Texans, you cry. The Texans! They are going to be the ones that lead us to another championship. Our team is finally healthy for once, you say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that wouldn't be enough of a punishment for the succubus. No, no, this is too routine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in November of 2018, the old codger of an owner for the Texans moved on to that great prison beyond the pearly gates. His son, Cal McNair, has his own visions on how to move Houston forward. That new GM, Brian Gain, what about him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's still under a binding contract. With a cool suave demeanor, Houston tries to cuddle up nice and close to New England. Hey, can we talk to your executive so we can take him? We'll give you some candy. The Patriots tell them to fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they resort to flat out poaching them from the team, but are caught.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] New England threatens to sick them in the court of law with a tampering charge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Houston has endless egg on their face. The league laughs at them for their failure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Witness the majesty of his personnel decisions. Should Deviant Clowney is holding out and you don't want to pay him the big bucks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, just trade him for significantly lesser value! You'll need that cap space to help out Deshaun on the line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you wanna know something? Nobody feels bad for them. They cheer the Rockets being embarrassed by a shell of a tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that would imply previous debts had been paid. The succubus demands more. That gruesome twosome of Paul and Hardin needs to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're going for the jugular, arguing with each other, things have become untenable!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Harden is pissed that CP3 is not a strip club where he can throw money around in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there are ways to get around this, but the cost is going


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Human rights abuse is dripping of freedoms and increased repression by the People's Republic of China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not going to take their bitch fit that lightly. You may as well prepare for a blackballing so swift you'll paint the number 8 on Maury's back. She would demand no less of a torment. Let's ignore this shit show and go somewhere safer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the best records in baseball complimented by a core of elite hitters, ace pitchers, and the absolute cutting edge of analytics. Dominating everything that comes in their way en route to another World Series run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An intricate signal stealing system. Cameras from the bullpen would spy on the catcher's side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would then be relayed to a clubhouse employee, who would use a high-tech trashcan to bang whether the pitch would be fastball or off-speed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was going on for years. Most notably, wouldn't you guess it, the infamous 2017 season. They even did it during the playoffs. You don't get to enjoy that championship anymore, Houston. It's forever ruined.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every single time you'll mention that World Series, it will be mocked by scandal. The main cost of the deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Minute Maid Park was where you best performed, eh? You'll now get to lose four straight at home to lose the series and a massive upset to the Nationals. Look at Max Scherzer. He gets championship glory. He's a future Hall of Famer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you have? Hypocrites, frauds, and woman beaters. You gloated so hard about your powerhouse that you forgot to check the foundations underneath you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The assistant GM's drunken tirades, the blissful ignorance of everyone around them, the repeated denials and doubling down of the players involved in the scheme? It was your undoing. Now you get the ultimate prize.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] permanent scarring. Jeff Luna and AJ Hinch suspended for a year. Eventually fired from the team, their reputations ruined. Alex Cora and Carlos Beltran also fired from their jobs due to their roles in 2017.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The team find millions of dollars in losing future draft picks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things getting so dire they completely panic in the opposite direction and hire Dusty Baker to try and rally the locker room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More layers to add to the punishment. But even then, the ignorance is still on display.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get to be dunked on by Yankees fans. The same one they had beaten to a title. Permanent scarring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think you're finally finished paying up for that championship, right? Oh, how naive you thought you were. They're still the Houston Texans to highlight. They have potential, but they never really break through to that next echelon of teams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Butching getting pissed at fans is merely a bonus. They have a home wildcard game again, but they're in trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were expecting this to be another black mark on Kansas City's tortured legacy. Oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blame it on the suspect's secondary collapsing against the Chief's passing attack!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No Texans, you deserved this. You deserved blowing that 24 point lead in less than 10 minutes. More humiliation. The whipping you continue to receive in the second half? You love it. It's what you live for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It fuels every single fiber of pessimism that weaves through your broken bodies. And you know nothing's going to change, because that would involve being proactive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too bad the butt chin doesn't. He has a different vision for this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't want this, this Aaron Hernandez keeping his baby mamas around. Fuck him and fuck his desires for a new contract. He gets to go to Arizona for a running back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A man with an anchor of a contract that's been injury prone and hasn't had a lead production in three years. You didn't even get a first round pick back for the trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You traded them a second ago with a bailout of their finances.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And for what? So you can become the laughing stock of the football realm? You really moving in the right direction, Houston? It's just what your old owner feared would happen. The inmates are running the prison. Just not the ones he expected to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The she-devil's got her torture outfit on again. Daniel House gave in to, let's call them carnal urges. A marathon session with her personally in his hotel room got him kicked out of the bubble. He was the key piece coming off of their bench.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's getting them in bricks, missed assignments, and turnovers. He was deflating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like small ball against a team with one of the best big men in the game. It spells the end for Mike D'Antoni here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daryl Morey was nowhere to be found during the execution, going into hiding out of fear of being assassinated by Chinese agents. Perhaps with their stubborn analytical approaches gone, the rockets will be more successful, but you know that won't be the case. The succubus has them in a sleeper hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're locked into being second best. Triple Doubleman has demanded a trade. Key depth pieces are livid. James Harden might step back onto another team. They are doomed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As for the Texans, they locked nearly every major piece to bloated extensions that may result in agonizing Cap Hell in the offseason. They had no leverage in negotiations with Laramie Tansil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He bent the organization over and reaped the rewards of quarterback money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They desperately miss DeAndre Hopkins. Bill O'Brien is more interested in trying to justify a trade than to win games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They immediately slouch out the gate and start the Euro in four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The butt-chin is indignant in his approach instead of admitting failure. The demon has threw everything into chaos already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] JJ Watt had enough and rebelled against Bob the Tyrannical's force of array.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Despite the Texan's perpetual failure, nobody can boo the Astros in person for their transgressions. But you know who can?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The gods. Justin Verlander and Roberto Osuna robbed of the shortened season due to major injuries. Verlander possibly never pitching again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They slump into a playoff spot with a sub 500 record in the world wanting them dead. But the succubus isn't pleased. She wants you to have hope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She will bless your hitters with their talents, and the child soldiers in the pitching ranks with wonderful gifts. They crush their opponents early and often, but are down three games to none against the Rays in the ALCS. This is when she lures you back in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wish for nothing more than her embrace in a dance of decadence, don't you? You've grown lustful of her figure, of her seductive ways!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she likes to tease. She believes the key to her pleasure is in torment. Game seven is a dud. They are cock-walked by fate itself. But you know you live to die. You desire nothing more than to be subjected to it. What is hope? Something that was once foreign? Perhaps it is again. The cycle must continue on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if it is truly paid in the blood of thousands, you know what it can't take away? The fact that the city of Houston sold its soul. All for a measly championship a few years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An arrogant failure that seeks only vain accolades. This is the payment the city must pay. The true infinite cost of deals with the devil. The rest of what happened? That's merely collateral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An unnecessary cost, but it was merely part of her endgame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The urban wastelands you call a sprawl span from sea to shining sea, yet it will never be enough to hide from what you truly owe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The price you have paid is great, but I doubt it will ever be enough to satisfy the urges and desires of the succubus you courted. Regret? You should have thought of that long ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eons before you even considered making such a covenant with evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, as a kid you dream of winning both series and that is still the dream now and, uh, to join this organization that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a couple items here. Baseball rulebook from 1913. And then I've got an autographed baseball signed by two Hall of Famers from the 1919 Chicago White Sox. Seriously? The Black Sox? The ones that threw the World Series. Okay. So how'd they get in the Hall of Fame? They weren't in on it. Yeah, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I came to the pawn shop today to sell an autographed baseball, and I also have a rule book. There's seven signatures on the baseball, but the two main ones are two Hall of Famers from 1919 Chicago White Sox. I'm looking to sell both items for a thousand dollars, but I'll take, you know, a few hundred. Have you had this checked out by anybody?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ray Shock, the catcher, and uh, Red Faber as a pitcher. Red Faber didn't pitch in the World Series, he had the flu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some cool rules in there that I didn't even know about. There's a rule in there that if they soil the ball, there's a five dollar fine. It's pretty detailed for 1913.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no way. Your expert said two thousand. I know you need to make money. I know that. Okay. So, nineteen hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really would have loved to have a thousand, but the 900 I thought was a very fair. I know gambling is really bad for the sport, but in my case it paid off. What do we got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Seattle, there was much excitement about the Kraken in their upcoming expansion draft. The talent available for them to select is outstanding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most players available to them were minor league journeymen, fringe players, draft flops, has-beens, never words, and the occasional highly paid veteran that neither team could probably afford. A goalie was even more barren.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And US Olympic hero Ray LeBlanc playing one game with the Chicago Blackhawks. Others offer goalies that hadn't played in the NHL in a few seasons, but Washington tried something a little more unorthodox. They tried to sign Bernie Wolfe to a contract to expose him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In addition to the Baron Wastes, teams would be limited to selecting two players per team before they were off limits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Knowing this, most teams simply swap players to dangle them to their unsuspecting prey. Despite the challenge, this was no issue for Mel Bridgeman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After a long NHL career of gunnery, smashing people's faces into the ice, and bruising net-front presence, Bridgman went to a different school. To get his MBA. Probably with a minor in toughness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He and his men got right to work on researching the players available. And their mighty talisman was developed for this moment. The Laptop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come the day of the expansion draft, Bridgman and company confidently walked over to their table to find out the major flaw in their plan. They never charged the laptop battery. Oh shit. They tried plugging it in, but the outlet at their table didn't work. Double fuck. Better yet, nobody bothered to make hard copies of their data. Chilling spree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The senators would be running blind or, if they're lucky, on memory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like they could've gone up to the commissioner and said, uh, can we have a few hours to charge up our laptop battery a bit? We needed to do things like draft and exist. They would've been left out of the building a tad earlier than they did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But of who they picked, the only ones with significant NHL experience were Peter Sidorkiewicz and Brad Shaw. The rest is a batch of who the fuck are these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could have made up the names on this list and you probably would have believed me. But come forward selection time, things were getting hairy. The diligent notes became random scribbles on paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as long as the team was tough and gritty, talent need not apply. The selections reinforce that. Then a pick 23 shit went haywire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Needing more gunnery to go with their gunnery, the senator selected Todd Ewan from the Canadiens. Ineligible. Two players had been picked from Montreal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Toujon and Tampa had picked Frederic Chabat. Umaruwa never crossed off their list when selected.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Autowall apologizes, he would have shamedly say before walking back to his table. They then use the selection to pick Mark Freer from Philadelphia. Valid pick. Draft continues on. Everything remains normal until pick 40.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The draft is nearing its end, but Ottawa has another gritty physical pick up their sleeve. Todd Hawkins from Toronto. He was ineligible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Lightning had already picked Brian Bradley and Keith Osborne from the Leafs. But what was the issue here? There were picks 36 and 37. Cue another sulking confession from Bridgman. Ottawa apologizes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ottawa apologizes. Third time was the charm. Darcy Lowen from Buffalo. Valid pick. The final pick was good too. And thus we saw who would win in a fight. A group of fledgling hockey men, or one laptop battery. Technology is a flawless victory. The senators went for an unorthodox plan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tough guys, lesser talented tough guys, and some random dudes from the fight club. Fighting unfortunately doesn't get you wins in hockey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They maybe had a passable player here or there, but nothing that's said in HL Calibur roster. And before you ask...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In honor of the cringe-worthy performance of the draft, the team itself created a spectacle of cringe before their home opener. The game itself was a stunning victory over Montreal. In fact, they won even more games that year. Nine more. Ottawa apologized all over the ice against their opponents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were undoubtedly one of the worst teams in NHL history, and for good reason. They lacked things like talent and playing ability.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The team itself was a circus full of ineptitude, but it was a sign of true heritage. Don't feel bad for Mel Bridgeman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Baseball was very important to my grandfather. It was basically God country in baseball. I don't know whether or not my grandfather got these cards actually signed, but I know that he collected them throughout the years. I have no idea how much these cards are worth. Hopefully it's going to be five million dollars. I have no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember any of the big names in here? Some of the names I know, you got Bill Herman, who pretty much was ten time All-Star. Ted Lines, one of the most consistent players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Travis Jackson, I don't think he ever made a mistake the entire time he played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless there's a hidden one in here worth a million dollars or so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say I'd want to look at getting about $100 a piece for each card. Okay, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully this guy that comes in to look at him is going to change that luck and I'm going to end up making a fortune off these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not exactly what you were hoping for. It's not, it's not. 1500, it's a good start though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't think it's worth it. I think I'm just going to keep them and take them somewhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'll do the whole set for $600. Alright, I'll meet you over there. Let's write him up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I've been here before and I keep coming back because I think I'm addicted to this. It's kind of like going in and playing poker. You gotta bluff a little bit, you gotta stare that guy down and see if eventually he's not gonna know what he's talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Road cycling made its Paralympic Games debut at the New York Stoke Manneville 1984 Games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Track cycling joined the Paralympic program 12 years later in Atlanta. In road cycling, athletes compete on bicycles, tandems, hand cycles and tricycles. Tandems are used by athletes with visual impairments known as stokers, who sit behind their sighted pilot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Athletes with impairments affecting their balance and coordination ride a tricycle to increase stability. The lower the class, the greater the loss of coordination. Other athletes ride bicycles, which are often modified for prosthetics. They compete in five sport classes, C1 to C5. The lower the number, the greater the activity limitation. There are three types of race, road race, individual time trial, and team relay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time trials are a race against the clock, with cyclists leaving the start ramp individually and the rider recording the fastest time winning. Time trials are 20 to 35 kilometres.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Team relays are for hand cyclists only. Teams are composed of three athletes from different sport classes and can be mixed men and women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In track cycling, athletes compete on tandems or bicycles, and there are three types of races. Time trials. Pursuit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The team sprint is disputed over three laps by teams of three cyclists. Each team member must lead for one lap before leaving the race. Paralympic cyclists will put on a thrilling show of lung-busting endurance, explosive speed and tactical intelligence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I've been thinking long and hard about what I wanted to do today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just, just one thing kept popping in my mind. I just fear how it's gonna go. I wanna get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The perfect game on Nintendo Switch Sports. IntenseDadBeefBoss must do it. But not on his first attempt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying some different strategies, you know, nothing, nothing major to report.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the best strategy. I got to what, six in a row? Or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, strike! I love that. I love that line right there. Where she does a little, ooh. It's kinda hot. That's not very hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, to me, that reeks of the same bullshit in Wii Sports Resort, where you throw it good and yet not all the pins fall! I don't know what the fuck the pen te- the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ten pin is doing right now, but it is not falling. No, it fell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should just restart before I even throw it at this point. We are doing astronomically terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't figure it out. I cannot figure out what the frick the strategy is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That looked like a good throw. But it wasn't! This game is picky as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is not a strike! This game though, I-I-I just, I don't know if I really agree with it sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, something, something's fishy and it ain't between my legs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I have defective joycons. Maybe, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe, maybe that's my problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what happens to defective joycons? Like, there has been no hope. I'll get a strike here and there. I've gotten two in a row, I think, a couple times, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freakin' Jesus miracle happening here. We got two strikes in a row. Goin' for the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nope, two, only, only a partial miracle. I'm starting to think this is the strategy, which is kind of bizarre because this is a risky strategy, I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could it be? No, no, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The highlight of this whole thing so far is whenever she says


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we don't. Almost wasn't. Great double, yea. Bet I won't be three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, these things are weighted. Weighted pins, by the way. Oh, we're to two in a row again!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could this be the time that we get three?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am insane. Hold up. This is, this is actually crazy right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought, I thought for some reason, how, how seamlessly I was doing that, we had a chance. I was so feeling it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just not feeling it. It just does not want to participate in the game of bowling that we're playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. We're throwing it very straight right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, to just narrowly miss that middle pin for, for, for whatever reason, I don't know. Ooh, this ain't good. Oh my, we were saved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I don't, how, how heavy is that front pin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, to, to, to be able to change the course of a speeding bowling ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wouldn't think anyone else would get three in a row in this rigged ass game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got past three, so the music switches up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I'm gonna wait for these shitters to throw their balls. Holy shit, you got a pin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk dirty to me. Fucking get me going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a high-pressure situation and I need to make sure I get it! Eww.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I love- Guess what I lo- Guess what I love. Just guess what I love. Guess what I love. Guess what I fucking love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was actually insane. That was actually insane how three pins somehow stayed up. Ow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Destroyed my mic. You know what I loved, by the way? It's the Tenpin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pretty amazing. I thought the 10 pin was definitely screwing that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oof. I thought for sure that would screw me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I thought that was the throw that leaves the 10 pin, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. Uh oh, we're actually in the danger zone. We're actually in the danger zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except when it doesn't. And that coulda happened, but I'm just happy that it did not happen. 12... 11 strikes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The back to back is not destined ever again, I don't know. That was a miracle I did it twice in a row on Wii Sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, oh no. Oh no, I just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I cannot believe how-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tailgates are firing up, training camps are underway, and the college football season is about to get started. And let's begin things with a bang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks to DraftKings, the sponsor of this video, they have a special offer to celebrate the occasion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All new customers need to bet just five bucks on any wager and receive $200 in bonus bets instantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you download the DraftKings Sportsbook app, the world is at your fingertips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any game, any sport, any situation is available to place a wager down. And if you're bold enough, try out a few parlays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Combine multiple bets into one for a chance to get a bigger reward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But don't worry if Trap King Sportsbook isn't available in your state just yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They still offer daily fantasy contests that will test your mettle on any sport you can think of. Feel the tension of college football in a different way. All you have to do is download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Use promo code UTRI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And bet just $5 on any wager to get 200 bucks in bonus bets instantly. And that's only with DraftKings. Now on to the video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't go anywhere in real life or online without them bitching about the real and perceived faults of their franchise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything else in baseball pales in comparison to the disaster taking place at Yankee Stadium. Let me tell you something, and I'll say it loud for those of you bombed in the Bronx. I don't give a shit that the Yankees are garbage. I'm supposed to feel bad for you, with all the times you've lorded over the rest of baseball in my lifetime? Bitch, I'm smoking this pack like I'm Red Auerbach. Do you know how long I've been waiting to shit on the Yankees for being terrible?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst the Yanks have been this late into the season in decades. A massive losing streak full of embarrassment after embarrassment. Now Yankees fans, let's escape this scenario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want you to close your eyes and imagine a plate of chicken parm. Cheese bubbling with a crisp edge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the Yankees. Undercooked and rotten to the core.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aaron Judge got thrown at least 15 separate bags in the offseason because they know they can make a push. That and the fanbase would have burned down the stadium if he left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A murderer's row of butchered hopes and dreams. Anthony Rizzo goes from competent to absolute shit overnight and you don't wonder if something's wrong with him? For months?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good god, it's like a player who loses all his power and can't time anything for shit might have an undiagnosed concussion! They know all about playing injured players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DJ Lumejo hasn't recovered from his major one at the plate whatsoever. Giancarlo once again faces his kryptonite. The outside slider. Jose Trevino was good until he wasn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got injured too. Master Bader looks lost at the plate. Josh Donaldson is still fucking penciled in the lineup like he's cheats in his final year. Even Gleyberg Torres has regressed significantly. How depressing is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone that Yankees fans wanted publicly hung for treason last year. Don't worry though, the turnaround is coming. Because they're driving into a brick wall. As for the starting pitching, it's Garret Cole. Literally just Garret Cole. It's Di-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Jean-Carlo had his script tonight, the pitching staff in its entirety has pissed off an ancient god. Carlos Rodón looked like a great signing at the time. Only great this year in how often he's been on the IL. At least he's played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And same goes for Efros and Trevino. Yea, you remember, they were supposed to be on the team. Luis Severino went from the next superstar to making every hitter that faces him look like one. Domingo Hermano threw a perfect game against the glorified Triple A team. And now he's earned a one-way ticket to Double A. They do have Nestor Cortez in this fantastic moustache.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the most notable thing he's done this year is prematurely called the Red Sox rivalry dead. What happened? What ha- Oh no, how terrible, that's just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boohoo, they're treating you like you treat Minnesota. It's the greatest injustice of our time. You guys were cheating that here too. I'm not the biggest Aaron Boone fan in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hitting coach has already been fired for Sean Casey, which has worked very well, if you can't tell. He's probably gonna be the next scapegoat, but what can he do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can't make the pitching staff suddenly become healthy. He couldn't predict Aaron Judge would be out for that long. Probably isn't even the one making the lineup most nights. That's probably coming from the men above him. Ryan Cashman is apparently untouchable in this organization.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could find a dead body in the trunk of his car and the Yankees would probably extend him for another five years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daddy loved Brian back in 96. You can't break an old classic like that. Just let the man work his magic and call it a day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once you understand Cashman's MO, it all makes sense. The Yankees no longer make decisions based on winning or upside. They make them based on ego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything that Cashman and company do is merely to prove that the way they do things are justified. That's why they double and triple down on every move. Why the hell do you think Donaldson and IKF keep getting at bats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They'll rush him to the majors and make him the new cheater come hella high water. So far he is holding his own. But that's more in spite of the Yankees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trades? Who needs those? They can get some pieces off the scrap heap. Cashman worked magic five years ago with Urshella and Tachman and Mike Ford, so that means it'll work again. Giving a beast to prospects like Barraza and Florian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry kids, we needed to give those to Billy Bombs, Greg Allen, and Ben Roarknout. Maybe they can call up Franshy again too!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need to keep burying the prospects there's a nice piece Baltimore has that they could use. What's his name again, Aaron Hex? Pulling apart in a second go around should help him out. The roster construction is borked. It's an all-power lineup that isn't even hitting for power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If George were still alive to see this, he would have fired everyone at least five times over. Exhum Billy Martin's corpse. Fire him. Burn him in effigy outside the stadium and then fire him again. You are literally the second iteration of Yankee Stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Going through the motions and pretending that every achievement needs to get a goddamn parade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't have anyone near the passion for sport nor the itch to medal in team affairs like he did. Like most sons of great owners, he's about the bottom line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And with the Yankees, you could piss on fans of a will call and still stall at the stadium most nights. If I try to go deep when good enough will get you profit!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fans want Cashman and Boongon yesterday, but that will cost money to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Besides, they're doing good enough. No reason to rock the boat and think, you know, maybe our team needs to overhaul how we do things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You yearn for George Steinbrenner, yet you'll receive George Costanza. In fact, I lied.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Costanza would unironically run this team better than the schmucks doing it right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yankees fans, that's why you're completely justified in being distraught over this team. But as a Penns fan, I'll warn you. No one cares for your plight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In fact, you're the same fuckers who told me to suck it up and deal with it when Ron Hextal was whacking this team with a crowbar. And I'll respond in kind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, let me cry into your endless pieces of metal behind center field. You can afford to be legitimately bad for a season or two. Welcome to the rest of baseball. Join us in the pile of misery. We kept a seat warm for ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In addition to this, on the tweet that Nintendo tweeted about this, they showed the burger as the set you'd get if you complete this week's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you unlock all of them, you get the final piece of that item. Now it was some months ago that this whole burger set was the items you could unlock on Nintendo Switch Sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I made a video about it, I was gonna do everything I could to unlock it, I ultimately didn't unlock it in time, and I fell short. And I'm pretty sure on a video since then, I complained or, or, I think I said something. I totally missed the deadline. I haven't felt this way since I was in school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I forgot to do the homework from the, uh, for the class that the teacher does not allow any late homework whatsoever. Nintendo is done with the burger until Nintendo feels like the burger should come back to the fact of you should be able to be, you should


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should be able to go back and unlock things from ones you didn't unlock. Reverse collection, that's completion bonus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that's how this works, this is gonna suck ass. I think we have to unlock- I think we have to beat all three of those before we can finally-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the burger collection. I don't know. We're just gonna go after one. We're just gonna go after completing one of them. We're playing against computers by the way. We're just gonna go against, or try to unlock all of one of them and hope the burger comes in after just one of them is completed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we should get a bunch of XP from this since we swept them 5-0 or shut them out. So we get all this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now I get to unlock one thing. We're gonna go after... I mean, these two ones are lame. I'm gonna go after the bunny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And hope that once we unlock all, what is it, 12? We have to unlock all 12 of those, then we're done with it, and then hopefully we get the burger collection. This kid's wearing a helmet. Alright, I'll set your balls. Oh, well, sorry. I didn't set it very well for you, buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it doesn't matter that my timing was a bit early! Well, well, it was almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It worked out. It worked out. I don't know how it worked out, but it worked out. Well, I'm on fire. I'm undefeated. But that time, I mean, even though we swept them five to nothing, I keep on saying sweep, but really we just shut them out. We still didn't get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enough experience from that one game to unlock anything. So it's pretty much every two games you get to unlock something and there's 12 things to unlock. That means there's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're winning, it's 24 games you had to play before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it appears that my teammate might be a bot. Ah, fuck me, I'm sorry. Did the compu- oh, yeah, the computer's gotta hate me. I am choking on the computer. Ah, you bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I clutched up. I clutched up for the computer. Look at that. Unbelievable. Oh boy. I'm playing, I'm playing against Serena. White male Serena.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was bullshit on my behalf, but he somehow hit it. OOH! How did I- OW! Oh boy, boing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well we need, we need two points in a row, which we have not got before, in order to win this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. I wanna, I wanna rage quit. Nah, get this bullshit outta here. Fuckin' hate the goddamn bullshit of this game. Only get 30 points for that. Wasted my time. I don't wanna play volleyball anymore. Get volleyball outta here. I wanna play tennis and that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give me that ball back so I can waste your goddamn time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes me serve it. I thought I found a glitch in the system. I just need to avoid black haired girl. Black haired girl is good. Blue haired girl sucks. So as long as I just avoid playing it. Okay. So black haired girl. Yeah, she's good. She's too good. Nevermind. She sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, blue hair girl, you're doing me favors and I appreciate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe dive in and go left. The ball is way to our left. Beatbox swings his racket on the right side of him. Like what is that ever gonna do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are not doing well when you, when you throw a lob bouncer back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I win? Was it first to ten at that point? Did the game give up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you gotta win by two unless you get to ten, then you just win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We still only get 40 experience points for that epic game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's with- oh wait, there's no bonus on this one right now. That's why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a bonus on bowling and badminton. Let's do bowling. I think it's cause it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I guess we did. What was wrong with that? What was wrong with that throw?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're in massive super doodoo poop. What was wrong with that throw by the way? Oh yea, that's it. On my throw that I went, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why, okay. Why did you take that, the throw that wasn't going right in the gutter you took away from me, and then the throw you let me have, you put it right in the gutter. Excuse me? All because, it's because I let go of ZR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does it matter? What does it matter? Why do you care if I let go of ZR? Why does it matter? I still threw the fucking ball! Why does it matter that I let go of ZR? Suck my dick!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't- It's irrelevant! It's an irrelevant factor! Then why penalize me for it? Aw, tits McGee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suddenly, our ball's having a slight left the entire time. Suddenly, goes a little right. Right when I, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes, but that doesn't take an effect till after your strikes are done. But then points are based intermittently. I don't, I don't know. I don't know how that, I don't know. I just don't get it. But we're choking right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, dude! It put me on a different lane and glued one of these to the fucking floor to troll me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We made it to the final round, but the best we're gonna do is maybe second. Maybe we can take second, but I doubt we're gonna get first. Play hard to the very end. Hey, guess what? I'll do what I wanna do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I want to throw it in the gutter every freaking throw in the final round, I will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cannot figure out how to get that back right pin. Not amazing. Third place isn't first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not, we're not the most impressive person here, so we're disappointed. Ooh, wow, you get a lot, ooh, ooh, ooh. You get a lot of points for bowling. We get two now. That still only puts us at four completed. He has only one eye. Beatbox, I swear to God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You lose to someone who has half the eyes you have. He doesn't know, he doesn't seem very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does not seem to know what he's doing. But the key in badminton is to be the yellow. Uh oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, if you give him boing after boing after boing, eventually he's gonna figure it out, BeatBoss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except we can't frickin' keep it yellow. Now he's yellow, this is BAD!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zero effort! Might as well give him- Might as well make him- He went from fricking sucking butt to sucking cock!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes way too um, way too long to unlock things in this game. Just let me unlock the burger already. Uh oh. This is challenge bowling. Did get a spare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm okay with that. This is my first time ever getting the, uh, hard as fuck bowling on an online game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have an interesting look about them, I will say that. There are some people with some rather- I'm surprised, like look at this goth girl, or whatever you wanna call it there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm surprised Nintendo gets so risque with some of these, uh, some of these outfits. Like, that's pretty revealing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did that not hit the other pin right behind it? And then knock that other one over?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stupid, oh you let go of ZR, so your throw doesn't count bullshit, is bullshit. What does it matter? I let go of ZR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what I wanted to do. It just curved a little too hard. Wow. I can't believe that actually turned out right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cornholio I think has gotten all strikes except one spare. Which is a little ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. It went a little right. That was actually the throw I wanted, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. WHY ARE THEY GOING RIGHT?! Yeah, I think I'm gonna end up in third again here. Take your time, cornholeo, don't worry about it. How the fuck do you miss like that, cornholeo-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were, you got a strike every frame except one in which you got a spare and you missed that badly?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh. Aw, shit balls. That one, that one's gonna come back to bite me. Hey, we can skip this screen, I don't need, I don't need to see this. It's coming back to me, it shouldn't even count. It didn't get to the end! That, that shouldn't even count! I have officially gave myself zero chance at winning. Or getting second. I had a chance to come up to second. Now I definitely have a chance to go down to third. Or fourth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and we're done. You know, I would rather quit than see the end of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, excellent. I got 127. The fact that I have 127 in third, while they're at like 180, whatever. Whatever, hooray for me, clap for me. This game takes too long. For all this time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't get as much this time. After all this time, I have unlocked five things. Yeah, a banana stamp. You know, I'm gonna stamp you with my banana. Alright?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes too long to unlock. This is exactly why I didn't unlock the burger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now to unlock the burger, I gotta go through this. I gotta unlock all of that. And I don't even know if it's just all of that. Or cause there's, there's three sets right now. Do I have to unlock everything of all three sets? Then finally, then I can try to get the burger again. Cause if so, I'm out. It takes too long. I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two bars below, delve into what the driver is doing in the cockpit and show a distance bar for each phase of the corner. Braking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brandon, why are you not dressed as Taylor Swift? We talked about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or a cardigan or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a small man is a large woman. I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A small man is a small man, a large woman. There we go. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, let me just ask this question because like the salary cap to me is like algebra. Like I've never really figured it out and I should because it's my job. Like just like when I got a mortgage on my house, like I never understood what the guy, he was like, you just pay this amount. Like that's the only part. So with dead cap, right? Does that count against their cap?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when I say a dead cat, so that 39 million cannot be given to anyone else, can only be given to Russell Wilson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he, so okay, now explain, riddle me this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have the cap space to sign a Kirk Cousins, right? So you're going to get some Walmart quarterback or a rookie that you're just going to throw out there. You better have a word document that has the word new.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't know who you get at 12, right? That's where you're picking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Given, given the Denver history of drafting quarterbacks, Drew Locke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I can see the new DAC haircut. Here's your DAC rescue. Yes. Boom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, Scooter, would you give up the braids for uhm. Absolutely not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think the Cowboys will probably be fine again next year. You guys find a way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The goat, when he has the goatee, he looks like the bad guy in a Tyler Perry movie most of the time. So he looks like the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys are getting cut, but all the, you know, guys are going to start getting picked up. So you might see some all in Jerry Jones moves. He wants him some glory hole. Wow. Toon Link is just handing out hundos. He's just handing them out like we are at the gold club. Cool. Thank you, Toon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to go back to the Steelers and Russ Wilson though. I know you kinda hijacked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing that I have, the big problem I have with the Steelers even bringing in Russ Wilson is they are basically telling Kenny Pickett that they do not believe in him at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just like, hey bro, we want this has been quarterback to come in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I gotta ask you guys down here. I'm hijacking Scooter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the combine like? Did you guys, you guys ran the 40? Are you still sore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell us through, take us through what the Combine was like. Uhm, Scooter, go first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, okay, so now you're, you're in the crowd and you're networking. Did you hear any good juicy rumors? Like do you, I mean, come on, everyone's talking. Okay, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And his Draft Stock apparently was dropping because he doesn't, you know, he said if it flies, it spies. And now he's lost two rounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, like when you hang around like real athletes, like when we were in with the Marlins in spring training, it's like you want to play the sport, but then you also realize how embarrassingly bad you would be at the sport. And you're just like, I don't, I don't actually want to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Scooter, what was the time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst part about running a 40


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Brandon should do a show where all he has, he has to say Broncos country, let's ride the entire show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, her songs slap. They're good gym songs too. Like, she's just, I'm going to tell you something. Anybody young that's single out there, right? If you're a single dude and you're going to go to bars, learn the lyrics to the Taylor Swift song because all the girls know them. And if you can show the girls that you know the lyrics, you're in there, dude. You're in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I have the biggest one hit wonder QB in the history of the NFL. You guys might not even know who it is. I'll tell you in the green room, but it is a great story. Great story. It's Russell Wilson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Jared, by the way, for the 509 to prevent the shutout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you make him buy a Christian use check Kelsey jacket?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah. Christian Juszczyk, National Treasure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She turns jerseys into jackets. She's so smart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you could have made this so much better. Like, if we colluded and we put any thought into this show, I'd be like, you know what a great punishment would be? You just have to be single now. Like, it would have been like, wow. We could have coordinated so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, my arm's a little sore. My, one of my really best, like best friends had a baby, and in order to see the baby, I had to get like that tetanus booster. Yo, that, that thing hurts. But, I was a brave boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, I got it, and now they didn't give me a lollipop, so. You hate to see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah! We got hondos flying in!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, just got revealed. So, November 20th, Monday Night Football, Eagles Chief Super Bowl Rematch. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we actually have a really odd, first of all, we have five prime time games, even without Aaron Rodgers, which is pretty wild. Uhm, I did not think we were going to have that many. I thought they were going to kind of knock it down, but listen, the Packers are still a brand in their, uh, their view.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're playing on, uh, Thanksgiving against the Lions. We're playing on Christmas Eve. We're not playing on Christmas this year. And we're playing on New Year's Eve, a night game against the Vikings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the number one thing that stood out to me is there's a really weird stretch. So on week, in week four, so that's September 28th, we're playing the Lions on Thursday Night Football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then we have like 10 days till we play the next game, but it's 11 because it's the Raiders on Monday Night Football. And then we have a bye and then we play the Broncos. So basically we're playing like one game from the 29th of September all the way till the 22nd of October, which is, that's a long stretch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, honestly, I'm super happy about this. We have a little bit of a weaker schedule, which is perfect for like a young QB. Let's, let's rock and roll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the thing too, because like, look at the bangles a couple years ago, right? So Strength to Schedule meant absolutely nothing, like, oh, P-Roy playing the bangles, that's gonna be an easy dub, and then they went to the Super Bowl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You also have the Jaguars and you're playing back to back games in London, so that's the first time that's happened. They should just have him play a whole month there, don't you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So real fun fact about that super duper quick. So we've already talked about that. I like the NFL was going over and they're doing like tryouts and stuff. The Packers actually signed someone from that program. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, they go to Africa and they like host like kind of like a mini combine thing and they, I forget what it's called, but we did sign somebody from there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of went down the rabbit hole with it, because I think Coleman was talking about this, because he's like work on schedule stuff and teams usually don't find out until like the night before day of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were saying like the fact that the Packers entire schedule leaked is going to be pretty easy to find who leaked it because there's only so many people with that. So somebody might be losing their job because Matt Schneidman is the one who leaked it. Uhm, he's the one who is a part of the athletic. He's also a Packers beat reporter, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but like, for the Packers, I mean, why? Like, what would it serve? I mean, they've made this into a spectacle now, right? There's a three hour show tonight on NFL Network about the schedule releases, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I enjoy it just because I've streamed it for all these years, so it's cool to look at all the games that I'm about to stream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but it's more like we go through the primetime games, like it's just like, it's speculative fun. Like everyone cares for about like an hour or two and some, like the teams definitely, of course, like the Chargers, they won last year because they had the anime style one. So I know that they've kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They put a lot of work into it and that's really fun to kind of see what they do. But in terms of just like the prime time games, I love prime time. So just to watch that stuff and I don't know, it's fun to speculate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this is finally it though. I think once I stream that game, I've streamed football on every day of the week because COVID messed up and there was like Tuesday and Wednesday games. So now I've streamed every single game of like the day of the week for football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, uhm, have the Seahawks play the Vikings on the Sun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't know how to get there, don't care what happens, but they have to play on the sun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The NFC North, every single division, right? They're saying, listen, Packers aren't going to be good this year. They're not going to be good. Week one, Jordan Love, Justin Fields, Soldier Field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the Packers beat the Bears after all the crap that has been talked about how bad Jordan Love is going to be, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's funny too though, because they're, they're propping up Justin Fields. And I think he's going to be a good quarterback anyway, but yeah, I just, if the Packers go on a mini reign of terror this season, Oh Lord, I'm going to be so insufferable. It's going to be terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how many times they go out and see championship game? That's it. Okay. It's not like we're bad. We just aren't winning playoff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, no, I'll be ins- cause if the packers suck, like, it's Jordan Love and we're like, okay, yea, like, I get it, like, and we were kinda due, like, I get it, but if he's good, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, can we just point out the irony for a hot second?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The man who, when he meets new players, asks about if 9-11 was an inside job, is making his debut with the New York Jets on 9-11. Can we just like, the schedule, that's why there was a potential delay, because the schedule maker's like, yes. We gotta, we gotta, we gotta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't, it wasn't Lazard. It was some, it was some wide receiver who went on a podcast a while ago and was just like, yeah, like the first time I met him, he just came up to me. He's like, so, uh, what do you think about 9-11?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll do five just to make you taller. We'll find a group picture like that has you in it and we'll just shrink everyone down and make it like terribly photoshopped and just raise you up so it's just like your legs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be streaming tonight, 7.45 Eastern, breaking down that NFL schedule.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just turned back on my Nintendo Switch, but my, uh, my Switch is still at the same spot it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I threw my Joy-Cons at my TV and, uh, quit spilling Switch Sports the last time. So we're picking up literally right where we left off. This is not the same day. This is days later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my switches still saved this moment for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I do believe I'm down around right off the bat because I did indeed lose before throwing my joycons at the TV. The good news is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not good news. The good news is my joy cons still work. The bad news is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still playing Matt. I'm gonna try to not lose my mind today, but if you missed the previous video,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nintendo Switch added Matt to the game. They added me's to the game if you hold L and LZ or R and RZ when you choose difficulty. And on Chambara at powerhouse difficulty, Matt is the me you get. And he's ungodly good. I would arguably say he's too good. I can never block him either. And it seems like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How am I, how am I not gonna lose my mind? I'm using my computer monitor to play my Nintendo Switch since my TV is broken and I still haven't bought a new TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like these things are slow, you know? Matt's the speed of lightning and my Joy-Cons operate at the speed of constipation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've confused Matt here. He's not doing anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm sure the second, the second I let go of block,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are a piece of shit, Matt. I'm going back and forth in this block and you can still-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up, if I actually beat Matt this quick, I'm gonna be somewhat disappointed because it's not even enough for a video. A full video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This game, this game can literally suck my wiener. So hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I guess that's not all you need to do. Somehow Matt can block that where he doesn't fall. Fuck you, Matt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Matt, somehow getting through my flawless... That was supposed to be the special!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not even the game pissing me off anymore. It's the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how a Nintendo Switch works, so I don't know how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well this is what we're stuck with. I feel like I'm on the cusp of beating Matt, so I'm just gonna live with it. Even though this will probably make this content incredibly unbearable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, Matt's figuring out my technique. Man, again though, all I needed to do-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, Matt shouldn't even have that second round right now. It should be another draw. But no, no, no, no. No, no, no. My special-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, my audio can't work anymore correctly, but you know, at least it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I just gotta get lucky with a block. I'm not even gonna try the special, I'm just gonna try to get lucky with a block.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But why? The capture taken, yes. Let's take pictures of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, how do I turn? I don't understand this switch. I wanna turn it off. Why is there only sleep mode?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, off! How about off, you dumb frickin' thing!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just pretty much unplugged, replugged everything, and that worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, look at that. That's exactly what I need to do. It's all defensive. Fuck. Except, except... Nah, that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand how... I don't get it. I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I need something more, more frickin' Shakira-like with the frickin' hips not lying or something. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe, maybe that is, maybe, maybe a little bit like a serpent is what I need to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nope. You are a bitch sucking bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sweet, and, and I love this part where I can't pause and restart. I love this part where I gotta watch Beef Boss. Beef, Beef, Beef Boss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like we're all up in each other's fri- we can grab each other cocks or so- we're frickin' so close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. So far, so far I have blocked Matt ZERO times! Well, I need to do something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course we're not gonna use our special. Even though I'm going like this, I'm, I'm fisting the, I'm frickin' jerkin' off the air with both hands again. And we still don't use our special attack. Oh man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know how I won a round against Matt now. All of a sudden I can't do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't, you can't pay me enough money to do that again. You can not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't do it, Matt. Don't do it. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All I need is one more draw. Just a draw! That's it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes through me like some goddamn KFC!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna take my whole Switch console, everything, just everything about it, and throw it in the fucking lake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was not expecting to do that. Hold up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up, I gotta do the same thing again. I'm not, I'm not being passive this time. I saw what passive gets me. And it gets me... Done in the butt. Okay, hold up. Ah, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, I'm being passive again, but. Fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank- I'm trying to do my spe- The only reason why I attacked there is I'm trying to do my special. And of course, both times, we don't do our special and almost lose because of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that so much. That's my favorite feature of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as we tie, as long as we tie, I win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that would have cost me the game, I was going to lose it. And I, I won. I, I don't feel like I won though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't feel like I won. I literally won in the most pussy way ever. A one round win and then two draws because I played like a little bitch. And I think that's the only way I'm going to win. So I'm, I'm not, I'm not playing it. I'm not, I'm not, unless I, unless I really want to prove to you or prove to myself that I can win like really win two rounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but it's just not happening today. It's happening when I have a backup switch, a backup TV, and a backup Joy-Cons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks, he looks like a young, a young lad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I didn't expect you to bring Grandpa into this, man. That was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I, I'm dead ass serious, man. I, um, there's a college out there, Whitman College, Walla Walla, Washington. Uh, I'm- That's your- Yeah, direct to Senate. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's your grandfather? Yeah, I'm named after him and my sister is named after who his wife was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's, that's, I'm mixing up my ancestors. I'm sorry. His, his, his, uh, his wife was Narcissa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be honest, those mutton chops look fantastic. I should give that a look, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, that's grandpa. I was just mixing up, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he was, uh, yeaah, I can't say I've ever, like, done, like, live history lessons. This is a first. But, uhm, he was, he was spreading, uh, the good, the good word of God out, out west. And, uh, he was, uh, like you said, a physician. They were helping treat, uhm, I wanna say it was smallpox. Don't quote me on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They blame Marcus and they, they, they, they snuck in, uh, I think to their house and they cut, they cut his head off and our sister's head off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't name any Canadians off the top of my head, unfortunately, that I can call out. Uhm, but uh, thanks for having me guys. It's already been fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it goes back to like coming out of college, shout out to University of St. Thomas, St. Paul, D3, the, uh, alma mater of, of Seahawks GM, John Schneider. And, uh, I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I, I was kind of working in the going, the, I want to be in sports business, you know, get a, get a job in sports. Sounded great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, met some people, did some sports business jobs. Timberwolves, uh, there's a small team, um, a baseball team up north in Alexandria, Minnesota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, did some grunt work up there, but just kinda decided I didn't want to be on the business side of things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I wanted to take one last little shot at maybe something sticking on, that's right, on the sports side of stuff. So I started a YouTube channel, applied to work for Pro Football Focus, and I started doing an internship for a buddy of mine that's an agent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, just kinda, you know, charted some different paths, uh, PFF was going great for a while, and then YouTube just, just kinda started to grow, uh, through Madden initially.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then a couple years ago I made the decision to kinda export all the Madden stuff to a side channel and focus on just NFL on the main channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, uh, to, to quote another draft analyst, I'm just a small fish, you know, if you know that reference, Brett Coleman, uh, Pat McAfee situation there, but, uh, uhm, no, I, I like to consider myself, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On par as far as how many players I've watched and, and, uh, I think I'm getting closer as far as the lingo and, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terminology and, and being able to, you know, keep, keep pace with, with all the, all the top guys, but obviously... Okay, well I want to test you right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell me who I should um. Okay, here's a name for ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go with uh, Garrett Williams, cornerback out of Syracuse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, what, what did you say the third round pick? What number was it? I think you have 67 and 68. Okay, that could work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Garrett Williams kinda missed a lot of time in his, in his final year, but lightning quick feet, smart zone guy, not ideal size to kinda like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, hang with more physical receivers, man to man. But, uh, with, with Joseph coming in, the new defensive coordinator, it's going to be a lot of zone. Look at that Broncos secondary. They got a lot of pieces, but I feel like they could use one more guy back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so sick of the term, but press man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first thing just on like a big scale that comes to my mind is something that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] that was pretty sweet hit remember when everyone was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so like before he had even really declared for football and said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I put out a mock draft like January 7th and I was like, there is no way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A guy's gonna go ride yellow buses for three years to maybe make it in pro baseball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I went as far as saying this guy's gonna be the number one pick. The Cardinals are gonna move off of Josh Rosen and take this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now like in hindsight, it doesn't sound like much, but at the time I had, I had just gotten into him. I was like, this guy's amazing. Like he is going number one. This guy's gonna play football. And when I put that mock draft out, there was a lot of pushback. Andrew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, if it works. Uhm, and then as far as me-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as a complete whiff, I was definitely on the, uh, the Herbert hate train. Uh, had him as a second round guy. As late as like February, I had Jake Fromm above him, fortunately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fortunately by the time the draft rolled around, I didn't stand by that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, I was not a Herbert guy. I thought the charger's completely messed up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I think, uhm, I, I think Quay definitely, uh, is where I've been beheaded quite a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's, that's fair. That's fair. Either one though. I just, drafting a linebacker round one is just not a good use of resources.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hot riser right now is going to be Cedric Tillman out of Tennessee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's kind of, uh, he's coming off the injury, uh, that cut his season short. He was awesome last season. And then the Tennessee offense was just kind of exploding into what it was, uh, when he went down before Hooker went down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now in the last few weeks, he's gotten healthy, he's been able to work out, and in a class that just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure you guys know, it's just a bunch of small receivers. It's like Quinton Johnson and a bunch of small guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in a class that teams are going to be looking for that X on the outside, a ball winner on the Packers case, a run blocker, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could, he could very well sneak up into... I'm not gonna quite go like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First round, I think that'd be really surprising. But if he goes like, if he's one of those first three or four guys off the board in the second round, kind of like where T Higgins went, I think that could, that could surprise some people there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then there's a couple corners I want to shout out, uh, as potential like day one, uh, round one guys that could sneak in there. Tyreek Stevenson, out of Miami.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Awesome, like press man, physical dude, and tested well, 4'4", 5'40", he's built, he's 6 foot, 200 pounds, he's got great arm length, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Round up to 33 inches there, which is, which is about as good as it gets for a corner. And


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he wasn't the best in zone, he had some coverage busts, but if your team's like, like the Steelers with, with like the 33rd or the 32nd pick, even as high as like the Ravens at like 22 or the Vikings at 23, if you miss out on those top four corners,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're looking for a guy that can be a day one starter and go head to head in a press man scheme. I think teams are going to be really interested in him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and that would definitely be a surprise if he came off there at like 22 or 23.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the other guy is DJ Turner out of Michigan, who's just, I mean, he killed it at the combine, the speed, the acceleration. We know how these teams feel about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, athleticism, we've, we've seen the, the Trey Waynes of the world kind of sneak in late at Eric Stokes, another one in Green Bay. Like you, you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that trade at that position and his tape's not bad. Uhm, so wouldn't be surprised if he came late, late one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jalen Carter is a super fascinating conversation because it just kind of keeps stacking up with, with a lot of the kind of off field stuff. It's, it started with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, McShay's tweet and everyone's like, ah, whatever, we see this every year. And then the big news story came out that the tragic incident, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To say the least was just a very immature, big mistake that led to, you know, tragic loss of life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shows up at the pro day two, two weeks later, out of shape, can't get through the workout. He's telling teams, don't interview me if, if I'm not a top 10 pick almost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, almost signaling a little like entitlement, honestly, like uhm, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing bad could ever happen to me, like I'm obviously a top 10 pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never know what to do with this stuff. If we're guys like us and we're just sitting on the outside looking in, it's everybody wants to be optimistic. He's a young kid and he can, you know, get his head, head on, on, on the right track and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you also gotta look at that school, man. They've had, in the last three years, two first round picks. Isaiah Wilson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, DeAndre Baker out of the league within two years. Adam Anderson was, was kicked out of school, was, was supposed to be a first round pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's not all a bunch of choir boys that end up coming out of Georgia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a legitimate risk there, I think, and it's just, it's really hard to know, man, what you do with that, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's as bad as it could be, yeaah, he could slip into the mid-teens. I don't think he's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I still think the Bears at 9 or the Eagles at 10 is probably where the slide stops, but I would, I think that might be more likely than him going like 5 or 6 at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's go, let's go with uh, uh, Jesse Bates out in Atlanta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got, you've got the, the Saints staff coming in. Think about like how good Marcus Williams was for them as that true, you know, patrol the middle of the field, play center field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Combine the ability to make plays while also being the definition of a safety and don't give up those big plays. Jesse Bates might be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cream of the crop in the NFL and they got them for 16 a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which was like not that bad for who might be the best safety in the NFL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so the scheme fit, the need, the value was, was just incredible. And honestly, they, I mean, they just got a cuda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Yamada, like they are loading up on that defense in a really bad NFC South. So I'm really excited to watch that defense next year. I've always just loved that scheme in general, uh, in New Orleans. So I'll go that route.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and you know what? Let's, let's stay in that division for the worst signing with Derek Carr. I mean, what's the point? Like, seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Saints have, they've been doing this kick the can down the road since like 2014 when they signed Jerry's Bird. You guys remember that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, yep, but they were already in negative cap space back then when they signed him and then every offseason since it's been like they can't sign anybody and then they just keep doing it. So uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think they've, the rosters completely depleted. We saw them lose three defensive linemen in free agency, the secondaries thinned out, no more Chauncey Gardner Johnson, no more Marcus Williams, uh, offensively.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, no, you're not. Derek Carr's never won a Super Bowl, uh, a playoff game in his career. So, I just, I don't get why you don't go with more of a bridge option, actually take a reset here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and, and get this thing, you know, take one, take one step back so you can take two steps forward. Right now it's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who do we need? I should have brought them up because the two moves they made getting Brandon Cooks and, and Stefan Gilmore were phenomenal moves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like seriously, I think those were two glaring holes for that team. I knew I liked that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're talking about a win now, fill your last need, like this guy is going to help set us over, you know, get us, get us where we need to go. He's the guy. It might be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A touch rich. I have a first to a second round grade on him, so I don't think it's rich. Some people do. So, you know, not always right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you're looking at a D line that they've, I mean, they tried it with, uh, who's the guy that brought in from, from Las Vegas last year, the vet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess distance my interest in it. I, I think, you know, once it kind of came out, he's going to the Jets, they're working on the trade, I'm just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I will say I'm stoked for the Jordan Lauv era. For all of my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, disagreements with the Packers, front office decisions. I did give the Jordan Love pick actually a good grade. Where I disagreed was AJ Dillon in the second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Josiah DeGora in the third, I thought they could have had their cake and ate it too, was screaming for a guy like Darnell Moody in that draft and it just, they just didn't pull the trigger on a receiver.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I, Love was my number two quarterback in that draft. Talk about, uh, draft takes, you know, what's been good, what's been bad. We're, we're finally gonna find out, uh, where having him that high is, is gonna place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I, I'm more focused on the Jordan love era and, and less interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and obviously I'm, I'm interested to see, interested to see what they get back, but I'm not gonna, you know, sweat about it really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know nothing. Hate to disappoint, but I do think he's probably back in Baltimore just when, when all dust settles, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time heals all wounds and now that the market has kind of played itself out, I think Atlanta is the one team that could still make sense and kind of sneak in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, it doesn't seem like they're that interested in it, interested in it. They keep putting out all these, like, just stupid by the way, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Referring to like, oh, Deshaun Watson was, was available or was always available, but Lamar has missed so many games the last couple years, so that's why we're not interested in Lamar where we were in Deshaun. Just weird stuff coming out there, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think those are your two teams and I would at this point put it at 70, 80%. He's back in Baltimore. The OBJ thing was huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, uh, find me on YouTube here, that franchise guy. Uh, we got a great video coming on Saturday. Uh, just before I sat down here, I had, uh, Thomas Demetrov, the 12 year GM of the Falcons and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two-time executive of the year. Uh, sat down with him and Eric Eager from Sumer Sports and we did a, we did a mock draft. Really cool to get his perspective. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and all that background stuff that we don't really ever get a window into. So that's, that's going to drop on Saturday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can check that out and, uh, got a lot more draft stuff coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Podcast is the, uh, fully inflated football podcast, which is a, uh, which is a Tom Brady shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, Tom and I have the opposite problem. If I buy a small NFL jersey, it still looks like a dress on me. Like, why are they all so big?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, it's pretty simple, like, if, if you're a Bills fan,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All other fans, when you're critiquing a quarterback and you're trying to determine whether or not you think that guy is good or bad, you just have to ask yourself,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would I want him to be my quarterback? And the answer for Josh Allen is a resounding yes. I would take me some Josh Allen. So in my book, he's still very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think he, he's had eight weeks, but, and if he's healthy, how many more weeks are the Cardinals gonna give him to learn their office?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was not a short joke, it was about him not studying, it was a study. Yes, he is not a studier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both as a cover corner, as a tackler who could stop the run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There could be a highlight reel of him just saving runs from turning into like insane games, but anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love champ bailey. I'm maybe a tiny bit biased, but mostly I would, I think I could defend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patrick Mahomes, he's still the best quarterback in the league, but he went to the best fit with Andy Reid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Travis Kelsey's there, who's gonna finish his career as arguably the greatest tight end to ever play the game. He had Tyree killed there to help him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Develop. And yes, the Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl last year without Tyreek Hill, but by that time, like, Mahomes has it figured out, they have everything working well. What sucks for Justin Fields right now is he played his two best games as a passing quarterback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starting with the Broncos. You're welcome, Justin. This first, what, 300 yard passing game ever. Four touchdowns. One bad pick that cost him. Goes up against the commanders, throws four TDs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then they're going in that Vikings game, he gets hurt. So the Bears are in a weird spot where they just can't fully evaluate Justin Fields, uh, based on this injury.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you have, basically if you're, if you're the bear's front office,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason you would move on from Justin Fields is because it's gonna be a hell of a lot, a hell of a lot cheaper to draft either Caleb Williams or your Drake May if you're sitting at one or two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the last two seasons he started to prove like he might be the guy and they're just in a process where they now this season haven't been able to fully evaluate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, what doesn't make any sense in terms of what Cleveland did was they had Jacoby Brissette there last year and he played


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot better than Deshaun Watson. He did, he was solid. And then they let Jacobi go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now they're having problems, uh, filling in for an injured Deshaun Watson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm sure there was some sort of money justification or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the fact that they didn't keep the guy who kept the team kind of afloat, uh, last season for a while, or at least looked a lot better than Deshaun Watson, like why not bring Jacoby Brissette back? But it gets, it gets a little bit more funny because if you, if you remember, they had Josh Dobbs on their roster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They traded the guy who's, who's really rising the above-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I, and I love PJ Walker. I love his story. Love you from the XFL, but I think the Browns would be in a lot better position if they went to Josh Dobbs and they would be like, you know what? We can, Deshaun can let his shoulder heel all year. We'll just roll with Dobbs and this defense and we're going to win a lot of games. So.