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[Assistant] When she saw the mess on the floor inside my apartment, she didn't say anything about it. I guess she's alright. November 1st. A week since I dared to write again. I don't know where the time goes.


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[Assistant] Today's Sunday, I know because I can see through my window the people going into the church across the street. I think I laid in bed all week.


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[Assistant] I keep saying over and over that I've got to do something, but then I forget.


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[Assistant] I read a lot of mystery stories now and books about kings and queens from old times. I read a book about a man who thought he was a knight and went out on an old horse with his friend.


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[Assistant] But no matter what he did, he always ended up getting beaten and hurt. Like when he thought the windmills were dragons.


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[Assistant] At first I thought it was a silly book because if he wasn't crazy he could see that windmills weren't dragons and there's no such thing as sorcerers and enchanted castles. But then I remembered that there was something else it was all supposed to mean. Something the story didn't say but only hinted at. Like there was other meanings. But I don't know what. And that made me angry because I think I used to know


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[Assistant] I know I should have written some progress reports before this so they'll know what's happening to me. But writing is harder.


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[Assistant] I have to look up even simple words in the dictionary now and it makes me angry with myself.


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[Assistant] November 2nd. I forgot to write in yesterday's report


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[Assistant] But every night about 11 o'clock she goes into her bathroom to take a bath. She never pulls her shade down and through my window when I put out my lights.


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[Assistant] I can see her from the neck down when she comes out of the bath to dry herself. It makes me excited.


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[Assistant] But when the lady turns out the light, I feel let down and lonely. I wish I could see what she looks like sometimes, whether she's pretty or what. I know it's not nice to watch a woman when she's like that, but I can't help it.


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[Assistant] Anyway, what difference does it make to her if she doesn't know I'm watching? It's nearly 11 o'clock now. Time for her bath. So I'd better go see.


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[Assistant] If I'm sick it's one thing, but if I'm a loafter that's another thing, and she has no use for me. I told her I think I'm sick.


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[Assistant] But sometimes I have to read the same thing over and over again because I don't know what it means. And it's hard to write.


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[Assistant] I know I should look up all the words in the dictionary, but I'm so tired all the time.


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[Assistant] I got the idea that I would use only the easy words instead of the long hard ones. That saves time.


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[Assistant] Mrs. Mooney thinks I'm silly to put flowers on a mouse's grave, but I told her that Algernon was a special mouse. I went over to visit Faye across the hall, but she told me to go away and not come back. She put a new lock on her door.


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[Assistant] I don't have anything to do to keep me busy now because the TV is broke and I keep forgetting to get it fixed.


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[Assistant] I think I lost this month's check from the college, I don't remember. I get awful headaches and aspirin doesn't help much.


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[Assistant] Mrs. Mooney believes now that I'm really sick and she feels very sorry for me. She's a wonderful woman whenever someone is sick. It's getting so cold out now that I've got to wear two sweaters. The lady across the way pulls down her window shade now, so I can't watch anymore. My lousy luck.


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[Assistant] He asked me, did I have any friends or relatives and I said no I don't have any. I told him I had a friend called Algernon once, but he was a mouse and we used to run races together. He looked at me kind of funny like he thought I was crazy. He smiled when I told him I used to be a genius.


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[Assistant] He talked to me like I was a baby and he winked at Mrs. Mooney.


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[Assistant] Because I lost my rabbit's foot and my horseshoe. I gotta get another rabbit's foot fast.


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[Assistant] Dr. Strauss came to the door today, and Alice too, but I didn't let them come in. I told them I didn't want anyone to see me. I want to be left alone.


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[Assistant] She said money's money and someone has to pay or I have to put you out.


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[Assistant] Then she said, why don't I get some job instead of just hanging around?


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[Assistant] I don't know any work but the job I used to do at the bakery. I don't want to go back there because they all knew me when I was smart and maybe they'll laugh at me. But I don't know what else to do to get money.


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[Assistant] And I want to pay for everything myself. I'm strong and I can work. If I can't take care of myself, I'll go to Warren. I won't take charity from anybody.


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[Assistant] I was looking at some of my old progress reports and it's very strange but I can't read what I wrote. I can make out some of the words but they don't make sense. I think I wrote them but I don't remember so good.


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[Assistant] I get tired very fast when I try to read some of the books I bought in the drugstore, except the ones with the pictures of the pretty girls.


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[Assistant] I like to look at them, but I have funny dreams about them. It's not nice. I won't buy them anymore.


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[Assistant] I saw in one of those books, they got magic powder that can make you strong and smart and do lots of things.


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[Assistant] I think maybe I'll send away and buy some for myself.


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[Assistant] And I cried too, but I wouldn't let her in because I didn't want her to laugh at me.


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[Assistant] I told her I didn't like her anymore and I didn't want to be smart anymore either. That's not true, but I still love her.


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[Assistant] Mr. Donner was very nice when I came back and asked him for my old job at the bakery. First he was very suspicious, but I told him what happened to me.


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[Assistant] And then he looked very sad and put his hand on my shoulder and said, Charlie, you got guts.


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[Assistant] Everybody looked at me when I came downstairs and started working in the toilet, sweeping it out like I used to do. I said to myself, Charlie, if they make fun of you, don't get sore, because you remember they're not so smart like you once thought they were. And besides, they were once your friends.


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[Assistant] And if they laughed at you, that don't mean anything, because they liked you too.


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[Assistant] One of the new men who came to work there after I went away, his name is Meyer Claus, did a bad thing to me. He came up to me when I was loading the sacks of flour.


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[Assistant] I felt bad because I could tell by the way he said it he was making fun of me. So I kept on with my work.


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[Assistant] When I talk to you, boy, you better listen to me or I could break your arm for you.


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[Assistant] He twisted my arm so it hurt and I got scared he was gonna break it like he said.


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[Assistant] And he was laughing and twisting it, and I didn't know what to do. I got so afraid I felt like I was gonna cry, but I didn't. And then I had to go to the bathroom something awful.


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[Assistant] My stomach was all twisting inside like I was gonna bust open if I didn't go right away because I couldn't hold it back. I told him, please let me go because I gotta go to the toilet. But he was just laughing at me and I didn't know what to do. So I started crying. Let me go. Let me go. And then I made it went in my pants and it smelled bad and I was crying.


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[Assistant] He let go of me then and made a sick face and he looked scared then. He said, for God's sake, I didn't mean anything, Charlie.


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[Assistant] But then Joe Karp came in and grabbed Klaus by the shirt and said, Leave him alone you lousy bastard or I'll break your neck.


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[Assistant] I felt ashamed that I ran to the toilet to clean myself and change my clothes. When I got back, Frank was there too, and Joe was telling him about it.


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[Assistant] And then Gimpy came in and they told him about it, and he said they'd get rid of Klaus. They were gonna tell Mr. Donner to fire him.


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[Assistant] I told him I didn't think he should be fired and have to find another job because he had a wife and a kid. And besides, he said he was sorry for what he did to me.


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[Assistant] And I remember how sad I was when I had to get fired from the bakery and go away.


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[Assistant] You call me or Joe or Frank and we'll set him straight.


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[Assistant] We all want you to remember that you got friends here and don't you ever forget it. I said, thanks, Gimpy. That makes me feel good. It's good to have friends.


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[Assistant] I forgot I wasn't in Miss Kinian's class at the adult center anymore like I used to be. I went in and sat down in my old seat in the back of the room and she looked at me funny and she said, Charlie, where have you been? So I said, hello, Miss Kinian. I'm ready for my lesson today. Only I lost the book we was using. She started to cry and run out of the room.


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[Assistant] And all of a sudden I remembered some things about the operation and me getting smart, and I said, holy smoke, I really pulled a Charlie Gordon that time. I went away before she came back to the room. That's why I'm going away from here for good, to the Warren home school. I don't want to do nothing like that again. I don't want Miss Kinian to feel sorry for me.


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[Assistant] So I'm going someplace where there are a lot of other people like me and nobody cares that Charlie Gordon was once a genius and now he can't even read a book or write good. I'm taking a couple of books along and even if I can't read them, I'll practice hard.


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[Assistant] I got a new rabbit's foot and a lucky penny and even a little bit of that magic powder left. And maybe they'll help me.


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[Assistant] If you ever read this, Miss Kinian, don't be sorry for me.


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[Assistant] Because I learned a lot of things that I never even knew were in this world. And I'm grateful I saw it all. Even for a little bit. And I'm glad I found out all about my family and me.


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[Assistant] It was like I never had a family till I remembered about them and saw them. And now I know I had a family. And I was a person. Just like everyone.


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[Assistant] I don't know why I'm dumb again, or what I did wrong. Maybe it's because I didn't try hard enough, or just somebody put the evil eye on me.


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[Assistant] I remember a little bit how nice I had a feeling with the blue book that I read, with the torn cover. And when I close my eyes, I think about the man who toured the book, and he looks like me. Only he looks different, and he talks different. But I don't think it's me, because it's like I see him from the window. Anyway, that's why I'm gonna keep trying to get smart, so I can have that feeling again.


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[Assistant] It's good to know things and be smart, and I wish I knew everything in the whole world. I wish I could be smart again right now.


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[Assistant] So I guess it's like I did it for all the dumb people like me, in Warren, and all over the world. Goodbye, Miss Kinian, and Dr. Strauss, and everybody.


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[Assistant] Please tell Professor Neamer not to be such a grouch when people laugh at him and he would have more friends. It's easy to have friends if you let people laugh at you. I'm gonna have lots of friends where I go. P.S. Please, if you get a chance,


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[Assistant] Then it came, the long drawn out ball of the tree bark.


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[Assistant] My little hounds had done it. They had treed their first coon.


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[Assistant] When I came to them and saw what they had done, I was speechless. I groaned and closed my eyes.


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[Assistant] I didn't want to believe it. There were a lot of big sycamores in the bottoms. But the one in which my dogs had treed was the giant of them all.


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[Assistant] While prowling the woods I had seen the big tree many times, I had always stopped and admired it. Like a king in his own domain, it towered far above the smaller trees.


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[Assistant] It had taken me quite a while to find a name suitable for the Big Sycamore, for a while I had called it the Chicken Tree. In some ways it had reminded me of a mother hen hovering over her young in a rainstorm, its huge limbs spread out over the small birch, ash, box elder, and water oak, as if it alone were their protector. Next I named it The Giant.


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[Assistant] That name didn't last long. Mama told us children a story about a big giant that lived in the mountains and eight little children that were lost. Right away I started looking for another name.


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[Assistant] One day, while lying in the warm sun, staring at its magnificent beauty, I found the perfect name. From that day on, it was called The Big Tree. I named the bottoms around it The Big Tree Bottoms.


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[Assistant] Walking around it and using the moon as a light I started looking for the coon. High up in the top I saw a hollow in the end of a broken limb. I figured that that was the coon's den.


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[Assistant] I could climb almost any tree I had ever seen, but I knew I could never climb the Big Sycamore, and it would take days to chop it down.


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[Assistant] My hounds made no move to follow. They started whining.


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[Assistant] Old Dan reared up, placed his front paws on the trunk, and started bawling. I know he's there, I said.


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[Assistant] But there's nothing I can do. I can't climb it. Why, it's sixty feet up to the first limb and it would take me a month to cut it down. Again I turned and started on my way.


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[Assistant] The land came to me. She reared up and started licking my hands. Swallowing the knot in my throat, I said,


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[Assistant] I'm sorry, little girl, I want him just as badly as you do, but there's no way I can get him.


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[Assistant] You know I'd get the coon for you if I could, but I can't.


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[Assistant] With a whip-dog look on her face and with her tail between her legs, little Anne came over. She wouldn't even look at me.


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[Assistant] Old Dan walked slowly around behind the tree and hid himself. He peeped around the big trunk and looked around.


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[Assistant] The message I read in his friendly eyes tore at my heart. He seemed to be saying,


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[Assistant] You told us to put one in a tree and you would do the rest.


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[Assistant] With tears in my eyes, I looked again at the big sycamore. A wave of anger came over me. Gritting my teeth, I said, I don't care how big you are, I'm not gonna let my dogs down.


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[Assistant] I told them if they put a coon in a tree, I would do the rest. And I'm going to. I'm going to cut you down. I don't care if it takes me a whole year.


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[Assistant] I walked over and sank my axe as deep as I could in the smooth white bark.


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[Assistant] My dogs threw a fit. Little Anne started turning in circles. I could hear her pleased whimpering cry. Old Anne bawled and started gnawing on the big tree's trunk.


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[Assistant] At first it was easy. My axe was sharp, and the chips flew. Two hours later things were different.


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[Assistant] My arms felt like two dead grapevines and my back felt like someone had pulled a plug out at one end of it and drained all the sap out.


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[Assistant] While taking a breather, I saw I was making more progress than I thought I would. The cut I had started was a foot deep. But I still had a long way to go.


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[Assistant] Sitting on their rear as my dogs waited and watched.


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[Assistant] I smiled at the look on their faces. Every time I stopped chopping, they would come over. While little Anne washed the sweat from my face, old Dan would inspect my work.


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[Assistant] He seemed to be pleased with what he saw, for he always wagged his tail.


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[Assistant] Along about daylight I got my second wind, and I really did make the chips fly. This burst of energy cost me dearly. By sunup, ah, it was so stiff I could hardly move.


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[Assistant] My hands and arms were numb, my back screamed with pain. I could go no further. Sitting down, I leaned back against the big tree and fell asleep.


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[Assistant] Old Dan hadn't been alone when he had gone back to the tree. She too had gone along.


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[Assistant] There was no doubt that in the early morning she had come home to get me. There was a lump in my throat as I said, I'm sorry little girl, I should have known. The first half hour was torture.


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[Assistant] At each swing of the axe my arms felt like they were being torn from their sockets. I gritted my teeth and kept hacking away. My body felt like it did the time my sister rolled me down the hill in a barrel.


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[Assistant] As Papa had said, in a little while the warm heat from the hard work limbered me up. I remembered what my father did when he was swinging an axe. At the completion of each swing, he always said, Ha! I tried it. Ka-wham! Ha! Ka-wham!


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[Assistant] Neither were the cuts, neat and even. They were ragged and looked more like the work of beavers. But I wasn't interested in any beautiful tree chopping. All I wanted was to hear the big sycamore start.


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[Assistant] Along in the middle of the afternoon I felt a stinging in one of my hands. When I saw it was a blister I almost cried. At first there was only one, then two.


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[Assistant] One after another they rose up on my hands like small white marbles. They filled up and turned a pale pinkish color.


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[Assistant] When one would burst, it was all I could do to keep from screaming. I tore my handkerchief in half and wrapped my hands. This helped for a while, but when the cloth began to stick to the raw flesh, I knew it was the end.


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[Assistant] Crying my heart out, I called my dogs to me and showed them my hands. I can't do it, I said. I've tried, but I just can't cut it down. I can't hold the axe any longer.


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[Assistant] Little Anne whined and started licking my sore hands.


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[Assistant] Old Dan seemed to understand. He showed his sympathy by nuzzling me with his head. Broken hearted, I started for home.


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[Assistant] As I turned from the corner of my eye I saw grandpa's scarecrow. It seemed to be laughing at me.


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[Assistant] I looked over to the big sycamore. It lacked so little, being cut down. A small wedge of solid wood was all that was holding it up.


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[Assistant] Although I can't get the coon, neither can you live, because I have cut off your breath of life. And then I thought, why kill the big tree and not accomplish anything? That began to feel bad.


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[Assistant] Kneeling down between my dogs, I cried and prayed. Please, God, give me the strength to finish the job. I don't want to leave the big tree like that. Please, help me finish the job.


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[Assistant] I was trying to re-wrap my hand so I could go back to work when I heard a low droning sound.


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[Assistant] High in the top of the big sycamore a breeze had started the limbs to swaying. A shudder ran through the huge trunk. I looked over to my right at a big black gum tree. Not one limb was moving.


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[Assistant] On its branches a few dead leaves hung silent and still, one dropped and floated lazily toward the ground.


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[Assistant] Over on my left stood a large hackberry. I looked up to its top. It was as still as a fence post.


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[Assistant] Another gust of wind caught in the top of the big tree. It started popping and snapping. I knew it was going to fall. Grabbing my dogs by their collars, I backed off to safety. I held my breath. The top of the big sycamore rocked and swayed.


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[Assistant] There was a loud crack that seemed to come from deep inside the heavy trunk.


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[Assistant] Fascinated, I stood and watched the giant of the bottoms.


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[Assistant] It seemed to be fighting so hard to keep standing.


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[Assistant] Several times I thought it would fall, but in a miraculous way it would pull itself back into perfect balance.


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[Assistant] The wind itself seemed to be angry at the big tree's stubborn resistance. It growled and moaned as it pushed harder against the wavering top.


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[Assistant] With one final, grinding, creaking sigh, the big sycamore started down. It picked up momentum as the heavy weight of the overbalanced top dove for the ground. A small ash was smothered by its huge bulk. There was a lightning-like crack as its trunk snapped.


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[Assistant] In its downward plunge, the huge limbs stripped the branches from the smaller trees. A log-sized one knifed through the top of a water oak. Splintered limbs flew skyward and rained out over the bottoms. With a cyclone roar, the big tree crashed to the ground. And then, silence settled over the bottoms.


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[Assistant] Out of the broken, twisted, tangled mass streaked a brown furry ball. I turned my dogs loose and started screaming at the top of my voice, Get him, Dan, get him!


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[Assistant] In his eagerness old Dan ran head on into a bur oak tree. He sat down and with his deep voice told the river bottoms that he had been hurt.


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[Assistant] It was little Anne who caught the coon. I heard the ring-tailed squall when she grabbed him. Scared half to death, I snatched up a club and ran to help her.


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[Assistant] Coom was all over her. He climbed up on her head, growling, slashing, ripping and tearing. Yelping with pain, she shook him off and he streaked for the river. I thought surely he was going to get away. At the very edge of the river's bank, she caught him again.


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[Assistant] I was trying hard to get in a lick with my club, but couldn't for fear of hitting little Anne. Through the tears in my eyes I saw the red, blurry form of old Dan sail into the fight. He was a mad hound. His anger at the bur oak tree was taken out on the coon.


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[Assistant] They stretched old Ringy out between them and pinned him to the ground. It was savage and brutal. I could hear the dying squalls of the coon and the deep growls of old Dan. In a short time, it was all over.


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[Assistant] With sorrow in my heart I stood and watched while my dogs worried the lifeless body. Little Anne was satisfied first. I had to scold old Dan to make him stop.


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[Assistant] Carrying the coon by a hind leg, I walked back to the big tree for my axe.


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[Assistant] Before leaving for home, I stood and looked at the fallen sycamore.


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[Assistant] I should have felt proud over the job I had done, but for some reason I couldn't.


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[Assistant] I knew I would miss the giant of the bottoms, for it had played a wonderful part in my life. I thought of the hours I had whiled away staring at its beauty, and how hard it had been finding the right name for it. I'm sorry, I said. I didn't want to cut you down, but I had to. I hope you can understand.


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[Assistant] I was a proud boy as I walked along in the twilight of the evening. I felt so good, even my sore hands had stopped hurting.


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[Assistant] What boy wouldn't have been proud? Hadn't my little hounds treed and killed their first coon?


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[Assistant] Long about then I decided I was a full-fledged coon hunter.


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[Assistant] Nearing our house I saw the whole family had come out on the porch. My sisters came running, staring wide-eyed at the dead coon. Laughing, Papa said, Well, I see you got him. I sure did, Papa, I said.


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[Assistant] I held the coon up for all to see. Mama took one look at the lifeless body and winced.


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[Assistant] Billy, she said, when I heard that big tree fall, it scared me half to death.


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[Assistant] Sometimes I wonder if all mothers have to go through this. Come on, Papa said. I'll help you skin it.


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[Assistant] While we were tacking the hide on the smokehouse wall, I asked Papa if he had noticed any wind blowing that evening. He thought a bit and said, No, I don't believe I did. I've been out all day, and I'm pretty sure I haven't noticed any wind. Why did you ask? Oh, I don't know, Papa, I said.


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[Assistant] But I thought something strange happened down in the bottoms this afternoon. I'm afraid I don't understand, said Papa. Would you mean something strange happened?


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[Assistant] I told him about how my hands had gotten so sore I couldn't chop anymore and how I had asked for strength to finish the job. Well, what's so strange about that, he asked. I don't know, I said, but I didn't chop the big tree down. The wind blew it over.


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[Assistant] Why that's nothing, Papa said. I've seen that happen a lot of times. It wasn't just the wind, I said. It was the way it blew.


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[Assistant] It didn't touch another tree in the bottoms. I know because I looked around. The big tree was the only one touched by the wind. Do you think God heard my prayer? Do you think he helped me? Papa looked at the ground and scratched his head. In a sober voice he said, I don't know, Billy. I'm afraid I can't answer that.


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[Assistant] You must remember the big sycamore was the tallest tree in the bottoms. Maybe it was up there high enough to catch the wind where the others couldn't. No, I'm afraid I can't help you there. You'll have to decide for yourself. It wasn't hard for me to decide. I was firmly convinced that I had been helped.


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[Assistant] The International Psychological Convention at Chicago is only a week away.


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[Assistant] I resent Nehmer's constant references to me as a laboratory specimen.


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[Assistant] I told Strauss that I was too involved in thinking, reading and digging into myself, trying to understand who and what I am, and that writing was such a slow process it made me impatient to get my ideas down.


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[Assistant] I followed his suggestion that I learn to type. And now that I can type nearly 75 words a minute, it's easier to get it all down on paper.


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[Assistant] Strauss again brought up my need to speak and write simply and directly so that people will understand me.


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[Assistant] He reminds me that language is sometimes a barrier instead of a pathway.


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[Assistant] I see Alice occasionally, but we don't discuss what happened. Our relationship remains platonic. But for three nights after I left the bakery, there were the nightmares. Hard to believe it was two weeks ago.


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[Assistant] I'm pursued down the empty streets at night by ghostly figures.


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[Assistant] Though I always run to the bakery, the door is locked, and the people inside never turn to look at me.


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[Assistant] Through the window, the bride and groom on the wedding cake point at me and laugh.


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[Assistant] The air becomes charged with laughter until I can't stand it and the two cupids wave their flaming arrows.


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[Assistant] I scream, I pound on the door, but there's no sound. I see Charlie staring back at me from inside. Is it only a reflection?


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[Assistant] Things clutch at my legs and drag me away from the bakery, down into the shadows of the alleyway, and just as they begin to ooze all over me, I wake up.


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[Assistant] Other times the window of the bakery opens into the past and looking through it I see other things and other people. It's astonishing how my power of recall is developing.


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[Assistant] I cannot control it completely yet, but sometimes when I'm busy reading or working on a problem, I get a feeling of intense clarity.


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[Assistant] I know it's some kind of subconscious warning signal, and now instead of waiting for the memory to come to me, I close my eyes and reach out for it.


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[Assistant] Eventually I'll be able to bring this recall completely under control to explore not only the sum of my past experiences but also


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[Assistant] As I think about it I feel the sharp stillness. I see the bakery window.


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[Assistant] Reach out and touch it, cold and vibrating, and then the glass becomes warm, hotter, fingers burning. The window reflecting my image becomes bright, and as the glass turns into a mirror, I see little Charlie Gordon, fourteen or fifteen, looking out at me through the window of his house. And it's doubly strange to realize how different he was.


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[Assistant] He has been waiting for his sister to come from school and when he sees her turn the corner onto Marks Street, he waves and calls her name and runs out onto the porch to meet her. Norma waves a paper.


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[Assistant] I got an A in my history test. I knew all the answers. Mrs. Baffin said it was the best paper in the whole class.


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[Assistant] She's a pretty girl with light brown hair, carefully braided and coiled about her head in a crown. And as she looks up at her big brother,


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[Assistant] The smile turns to a frown and she skips away, leaving him behind as she darts up the steps into the house, smiling. He follows her.


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[Assistant] His mother and father are in the kitchen, and Charlie, bursting with the excitement of Norma's good news, blurts it out before she has a chance. She got an A, she got an A! No! shrieks Norma.


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[Assistant] Not you. You don't tell. It's my mark and I'm gonna tell. Now wait a minute, young lady. Matt puts his newspaper down and addresses her sternly. That's no way to talk to your brother. He had no right to tell. Never mind.


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[Assistant] I got an A. The best mark in class. Now I can have a dog? You promised. You said if I got a good mark in my test, then I got an A. A brown dog with white spots. And I'm gonna call him Napoleon because that was the question I answered best on the test. Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo. Rose nods.


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[Assistant] Go out on the porch and play with Charlie. He's been waiting over an hour for you to come home from school. I don't wanna play with him. Go out on the porch, says Matt. Norma looks at her father, and then at Charlie. I don't have to. Mother said I don't have to play with him if I don't want to.


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[Assistant] Now, young lady, Matt rises out of his chair and comes toward her. You just apologize to your brother.


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[Assistant] I don't have to, she screeches, rushing behind her mother's chair.


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[Assistant] There'll be no dog in this house as long as you take this attitude, young lady.


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[Assistant] I promised her a dog if she did well in school. A brown one with white spots, adds Norma. Matt points to Charlie standing near the wall.


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[Assistant] Did you forget you told your son he couldn't have one because we didn't have the room? And no one to take care of it, remember? When he asked for a dog? Are you going back on what you said to him?


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[Assistant] But I can take care of my own dog, insists Norma. I'll feed him and wash him and take him out.


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[Assistant] Charlie, who has been standing near the table, playing with his large red button at the end of a string, suddenly speaks out.


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[Assistant] I'll help her take care of the dog. I'll help her feed it and brush it and I won't let the other dogs bite it.


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[Assistant] But before either Matt or Rose can answer, Norma shrieks,


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[Assistant] Rose sits beside her and strokes her braids to calm her.


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[Assistant] But we have to share things, dear. Charlie can help you take care of it.


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[Assistant] No, only mine. I'm the one who got the A in history, not him. He never gets good marks like me. Why should he help with the dog? And then the dog will like him more than me and it'll be his dog instead of mine. No. If I can't have it for myself, I don't want it.


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[Assistant] Matt sits there, staring at the newspaper in his lap.


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[Assistant] Charlie, frightened by the hysteria and the screaming, shrinks into a chair, whimpering softly. What has he done wrong?


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[Assistant] And feeling the wetness in his trousers and the trickling down his leg, he sits there, waiting for the slap he knows will come when his mother returns.


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[Assistant] But from that time, Norma spent all her free moments with her friends, or playing alone in her room.


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[Assistant] I recall once overhearing Norma and one of her girlfriends playing in her room and Norma shouting, He's not my real brother. He's just a boy we took in because we felt sorry for him. My mama told me and she said I can tell everyone now that he's not really my brother at all.


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[Assistant] I wish this memory were a photograph, so that I could tear it up and throw it back into her face.


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[Assistant] I want to call back across the years and tell her I never meant to stop her from getting her dog. She could have had it all to herself and I wouldn't have fed it or brushed it or played with it. And I would never have made it like me more than it liked her.


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[Assistant] I only wanted her to play games with me the way we used to. I never meant to do anything that would hurt her at all.


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[Assistant] But it was a mistake to go down to the center to pick her up.


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[Assistant] I hadn't been back to the Center for Retarded Adults since the operation, and the thought of seeing the place was exciting.


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[Assistant] It's on 23rd Street, east of 5th Avenue, in an old schoolhouse that has been used by the Beekman University Clinic for the last five years as a center for experimental education. Special classes for the handicapped.


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[Assistant] The sign outside on the doorway framed by the old spiked gateway is just a gleaming brass plate that says C.R.A. Beekman Extension. Her class ended at eight.


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[Assistant] But I wanted to see the room where not so long ago I had struggled over simple reading and writing and learned to count change of a dollar.


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[Assistant] I went inside, slipped up to the door and keeping out of sight I looked through the window.


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[Assistant] Alice was at her desk, and in a chair beside her was a thin-faced woman I didn't recognize.


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[Assistant] She was frowning that open frown of unconcealed puzzlement, and I wondered what Alice was trying to explain.


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[Assistant] Near the blackboard was Mike Dorney in his wheelchair. And there in his usual first row first seat was Lester Braun, who Alice said was the smartest in the group.


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[Assistant] Lester had learned easily what I had struggled over.


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[Assistant] But he came when he felt like it. Or he stayed away to earn money waxing floors.


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[Assistant] I guess if he had cared at all, if it had been important to him as it was to me, they would have used him for this experiment. There were new faces too, people I didn't know. Finally, I got up the nerve to go in.


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[Assistant] It's Charlie! said Mike, whirling his wheelchair around. I waved to him.


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[Assistant] Bernice the pretty blonde with empty eyes looked up and smiled dully. Where you been Charlie? That's a nice suit. The others who remembered me waved to me and I waved back.


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[Assistant] Suddenly, I could see by Alice's expression that she was annoyed.


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[Assistant] Each one knew his job and took pride in doing it well. They all started on their tasks except Bernice. She was staring at me.


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[Assistant] Why ain't Charlie been coming to school? asked Bernice. What's the matter, Charlie? Are you coming back? The others looked up at me. I looked to Alice, waiting for her to answer for me. There was a long silence. What could I tell them that wouldn't hurt them? This is just a visit, I said. One of the girls started to giggle, Francine, whom Alice was always worried about.


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[Assistant] She lived at a boarding house approved for outside work trainees by the Warren State Home and was permitted out in the evenings to come to the center.


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[Assistant] Twice she hadn't shown up, picked up by men on the way to school, and now she was allowed out only with an escort.


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[Assistant] He talks like a big shot now. She giggled.


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[Assistant] Alright, said Alice, breaking in sharply. Class dismissed. I'll see you all tomorrow night at six. When they were gone,


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[Assistant] I could see by the way she was slamming her own things into her closet that she was angry.


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[Assistant] I was gonna wait for you downstairs and then I got curious about the old classroom. My alma mater. I just wanted to look through the window.


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[Assistant] And before I knew what I was doing, I came in. What's bothering you? Nothing. Nothing's bothering me.


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[Assistant] Come on, your anger is all out of proportion to what's happened. Something's on your mind. She slammed down a book she was holding. Alright. You wanna know? You're different. You've changed and I'm not talking about your IQ. It's your attitude toward people.


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[Assistant] You're not the same kind of human being. Oh come on now, don't interrupt me. The real anger in her voice pushed me back. I mean it.


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[Assistant] Now, with all your intelligence and knowledge, there are differences that I couldn't let myself listen. What did you expect?


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[Assistant] Did you think I'd remain a docile pup wagging my tail and licking the foot that kicks me? Sure all this has changed me, and the way I think about myself. I no longer have to take the kind of crap that people have been handing me all my life. People haven't been bad to you. What do you know about it?


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[Assistant] Listen, the best of them have been smug and patronizing, using me to make themselves superior and secure in their own limitations. Anyone can feel intelligent beside a moron. After I said it, I knew she was gonna take it the wrong way. You put me in that category too, I suppose.


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[Assistant] Next to you I am rather dull-witted. Nowadays, every time we see each other, after I leave you, I go home with the miserable feeling that I'm slow and dense about everything.


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[Assistant] I find myself wanting to impress you in a way I never thought about doing before.


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[Assistant] But being with you has undermined my self-confidence. I question my motives now about everything I do. I tried to get her off the subject, but she kept coming back to it. Look, I didn't come here to argue with you, I finally said. Will you let me take you home? I need someone to talk to. So do I. But these days I can't talk to you.


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[Assistant] I say that to myself, Charlie, but whenever we meet and you tell me something and look at me in that impatient way, I know you're laughing.


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[Assistant] And when you explain things to me, and I can't remember them, you think it's because I'm not interested and don't want to take the trouble.


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[Assistant] But you don't know how I torture myself when you're gone.


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[Assistant] You don't know the books I've struggled over, the lectures I've sat in on at Beekman. And yet, whenever I talk about something, I see how impatient you are, as if it were all childish.


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[Assistant] I wanted you to be intelligent. I wanted to help you and share with you. And now you've shut me out of your life.


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[Assistant] As I listened to what she was saying, the enormity of it dawned on me.


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[Assistant] I had been so absorbed in myself and what was happening to me that I never thought about what was happening to her.


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[Assistant] She was crying silently as we left the school, and I found myself without words.


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[Assistant] All during the ride on the bus I thought to myself how upside down the situation had become. She was terrified of me.


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[Assistant] The ice had broken between us, and the gap was widening as the current of my mind carried me swiftly into the open sea.


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[Assistant] She was right in refusing to torture herself by being with me. We no longer had anything in common. Simple conversation had become strained


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[Assistant] And all there was between us now was the embarrassed silence.


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[Assistant] You're very serious, she said, breaking out of her own mood and looking up at me. About us? It shouldn't make you so serious. I don't want to upset you. You're going through a great trial. She was trying to smile. But you did. Only, I don't know what to do about it. On the way from the bus stop to her apartment, she said, I'm not going to the convention with you.


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[Assistant] There'll be a lot for you to do there. Interesting people, the excitement of the spotlight for a while.


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[Assistant] I don't wanna be in the way. Alice, and no matter what you say about it now, I know that's how I'm going to feel. So if you don't mind, I'll hang on to my splintering ego, thank you.


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[Assistant] But you're making more of this than it is. I'm sure if you'll just, you know, you're sure.


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[Assistant] She turned and glared at me on the front steps of her apartment building. Oh how insufferable you've become.


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[Assistant] How do you know what I feel? You take liberties with other people's minds. You can't tell how I feel or what I feel or why I feel.


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[Assistant] I'll be here when you get back. I'm just upset, that's all.


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[Assistant] And I want both of us to have a chance to think this out while we're a good distance apart.


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[Assistant] For the first time in many weeks, she didn't ask me inside.


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[Assistant] I stared at the closed door with the anger mounting inside me. I wanted to create a scene, to bang on the door to break it down. I wanted my anger to consume the building. But as I walked away, I felt a kind of simmering, then cooling, and finally, a relief.


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[Assistant] I walked so fast I was drifting along the streets, and the feeling that hit my cheek was a cool breeze out of the summer night. Suddenly free.


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[Assistant] I realize now that my feeling for Alice had been moving backward against the current of my learning. From worship, to love,


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[Assistant] To fondness, to a feeling of gratitude and responsibility.


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[Assistant] I wanted to overcome my emotional and sexual fears, to marry, have children, settle down. Now it's impossible.


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[Assistant] I'm just as far away from Alice with an IQ of 185 as I was when I had an IQ of 70. And this time, we both know it.


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[Assistant] What drives me out of the apartment to prowl through the city? I wander through the streets alone.


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[Assistant] Not the relaxing stroll of a summer night, but the tense hurry to get- Where?


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[Assistant] She was sitting on a bench near the lake with a coat clutched around her despite the heat. She smiled and motioned for me to sit beside her. We looked at the bright skyline on Central Park South, the honeycomb of lighted cells against the blackness, and I wished I could absorb them all. Yes, I told her I was from New York. No, I had never been to Newport News, Virginia.


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[Assistant] That's where she was from, and where she had married this sailor who was at sea now, and she hadn't seen him in two and a half years.


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[Assistant] But she looked attractive, with her straight dark hair loose to her shoulders


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[Assistant] Except that her face was puffy and swollen as if she had just gotten up from sleep. She wanted to talk about herself. And I wanted to listen.


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[Assistant] Her father had given her a good home, an education, everything a wealthy shipbuilder could give his only daughter, but not forgiveness. He would never forgive her elopement with the sailor.


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[Assistant] That was the last time we were ever together I never let him touch me again.


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[Assistant] She could probably tell by the trembling of my hand that I was startled. It was too violent and intimate for me.


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[Assistant] Feeling my hands stir, she gripped it tighter as if she had to finish her story before she could let me go. It was important to her, and I sat quietly.


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[Assistant] She looked at me meaningfully and let her open palm brush back and forth against mine. It was what I had heard about, read about, dreamed about. I didn't know her name and she didn't ask mine.


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[Assistant] I caressed her awkwardly and kissed her still more hesitantly so that she looked up at me. What's the matter? She whispered. What are you thinking? About you. Do you have a place we can go? Each step forward was caution.


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[Assistant] Something kept me moving ahead to test my footing.


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[Assistant] If you don't have a place, the mansion hotel on 53rd doesn't cost too much, and they don't bother you about luggage if you pay in advance. I have a room. She looked at me with new respect. Well that's fine.


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[Assistant] Still nothing. And that in itself was curious.


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[Assistant] How far could I go without being overwhelmed by symptoms of panic? When we were alone in the room? When she undressed when I saw her body? When we were lying together? Suddenly.


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[Assistant] It was important to know if I could be like other men. If I could ever ask a woman to share a life with me.


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[Assistant] The excitement that came over me when I kissed her again communicated itself and I was sure I could be normal with her. She was different from Alice. She was the kind of woman who had been around. Then her voice changed. Uncertain. Before we go, just one thing.


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[Assistant] She stood up and took a step toward me in the spray of lamplight, opening her coat


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[Assistant] She was superimposed as a double exposure on the picture of the middle-aged woman just out of the bathtub holding open her bathrobe for Charlie to see. And I waited as a blasphemer waits for lightning. I looked away.


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[Assistant] It was the last thing I had expected but the coat wrapped tightly around her on such a hot night should have warned me that something was wrong. It's not my husband's, she assured me.


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[Assistant] I wasn't lying to you about what I said before. I haven't seen him for years. It was a salesman I met about eight months ago. I was living with him. I'm not gonna see him anymore, but I'm gonna keep the baby.


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[Assistant] We've just gotta be careful, not rough or anything like that. But otherwise, you don't have to worry. Her voice ran down when she saw my anger.


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[Assistant] She drew away, wrapping her coat quickly around her to protect what lay within. As she made that protective gesture, I saw the second double image.


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[Assistant] My mother, heavy with my sister, in the days when she was holding me less, warming me less with her voice and touch, protecting me less against anyone who dared to say I was subnormal.


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[Assistant] I wanted to tell her I had meant no harm. I would never hurt her or anyone. Please don't scream. But she was screaming, and I heard the running footsteps on the darkened path. This was something no one would understand.


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[Assistant] I ran into the darkness to find an exit from the park, zigzagging across one path and down another.


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[Assistant] I didn't know the park and suddenly I crashed into something that threw me backwards. A wire mesh fence. A dead end.


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[Assistant] Then I saw the swings and slides and realized it was a children's playground locked up for the night. I followed the fence and kept going, half running, stumbling over twisted roots.


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[Assistant] At the lake that curved around near the playground, I doubled back, found another path, went over the small footbridge, and then around and under it. No exit. What is it? What happened, lady? A maniac? You alright? Which way did he go? I had circled back to where I had started from.


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[Assistant] I slipped behind the huge outcropping of a rock and a screen of bramble and dropped flat on my stomach. Get a cop. There's never a cop when you need one. What happened? A degenerate tried to rape her.


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[Assistant] Hey, some guy down there is chasing him. There he goes! Come on, get the bastard before he gets out of the park! Careful, he's got a knife and a gun!


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[Assistant] It was obvious that the shouting had flushed out the nightcrawlers, because the cry of, there he goes, was echoed from behind me. And looking out from behind the rock, I could see a lone runner being chased down the lamplit path into the darkness.


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[Assistant] Seconds later, another one passed in front of the rock and disappeared into the shadows.


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[Assistant] I pictured myself being caught by this eager mob and beaten and torn by them. I deserved it. I almost wanted it.


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[Assistant] I stood up, brushed the leaves and dirt from my clothing and walked slowly down the path in the direction from which I had come.


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[Assistant] I expected every second to be grabbed from behind and pulled down into the dirt and darkness, but soon...


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[Assistant] I saw the bright lights of 59th Street and 5th Avenue, and I came out of the park.


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[Assistant] Thinking about it now in the security of my room, I'm shaken with the rawness that touched me.


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[Assistant] Remembering how my mother looked before she gave birth to my sister is frightening. But even more frightening is the feeling that I wanted them to catch me and beat me. Why did I want to be punished?


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[Assistant] Shadows out of the past clutch at my legs and drag me down. I open my mouth to scream, but I'm voiceless. My hands are trembling. I feel cold. And there's a distant humming in my ears.


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[Assistant] The fame of my dogs spread all over our part of the Ozarks. They were the best in the country.


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[Assistant] No coon hunter came into my grandfather's store with as many pelts as I did. Grandpa never overlooked an opportunity to brag. He told everyone the story of my dogs, and the part he had played in getting them.


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[Assistant] Then it was the time some farmer coming to our home would say, Your grandpa was telling me you got three coons over in Peavine Hollow the other night.


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[Assistant] I would listen, knowing I only got one, or maybe none, but Grandpa was my pal. If he said I caught ten in one tree, it was just that way.


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[Assistant] Because of my grandfather's bragging and his firm belief in my dogs and me, a terrible thing happened.


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[Assistant] One morning, while having breakfast, Mama said to Papa, I'm almost out of cornmeal. Do you think you can go to the mill today? Papa said, I intended to butcher a hog. We're about out of meat. Looking at me, he said,


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[Assistant] Shell a sack of corn, take one of the mules, and go to the mill for your mother.


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[Assistant] With the help of my sisters, we shelled the corn, throwing it over our mules back I started for the store.


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[Assistant] On arriving at the millhouse, I tied my mule to the hitching post, took my corn, and set it by the door. I walked over to the store and told Grandpa I wanted to get some corn ground. He said, I'll be with you in just a minute.


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[Assistant] It was the two youngest Pritchard boys. I had run into them on several occasions during pie suppers and dances,


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[Assistant] The Pritchards were a large family that lived upriver about five miles. As in most small country communities, there is one family that no one likes. The Pritchards were it.


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[Assistant] Tales were told that they were bootleggers, thieves, and just all around no accounts.


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[Assistant] The story had gone round that old man Pritchett had killed a man somewhere in Missouri before moving to our part of the country. Reuben was two years older than I, big and husky for his age.


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[Assistant] He never had much to say. He had mean-looking eyes that were set far back in his rugged face. They were smoky-hued and unblinking, as if the eyelids were paralyzed.


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[Assistant] I had heard that once he had cut a boy with a knife in a fight over at the sawmill. Rainy was the youngest about my age.


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[Assistant] He had the meanest disposition of any boy I had ever known. Because of this he was disliked by young and old. Wherever rain he went, trouble seemed to follow. He was always wanting to bet, and would bet on anything.


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[Assistant] He was nervous and could never seem to stand still.


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[Assistant] Once at my grandfather's store I had given him a piece of candy, snatching it out of my hand, he ate it, and then sneered at me and said it wasn't any good.


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[Assistant] During a pie supper one night he wanted to bet a dime that he could whip me.


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[Assistant] My mother told me always to be kind to Rainy, that he couldn't help being the way he was. I asked why.


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[Assistant] She said it was because his brothers were always picking on him and beating him.


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[Assistant] On entering the store they stopped and glared at me. Reuben walked over to the counter. Rainy came over to me. Leering at me, he said, I'd like to make a bet with you. I told him I didn't want to bet. He asked me if I was scared. No, I just don't want to bet, I said.


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[Assistant] His neck and ears looked as though they hadn't been washed in months. His ferret-like eyes kept darting here and there. Glancing down to his hands, I saw the back of his right sleeve was stiff and starchy from the constant wiping of his nose. He saw I was looking him over and asked if I liked what I saw. I started to say, no, but didn't. Turned and walked away a few steps. Reuben ordered some chewing tobacco.


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[Assistant] Aren't you a little young to be chewing? Grandpa asked. Ain't for me, it's for my dad, Reuben growled.


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[Assistant] Grandpa handed two plugs to him. He paid for it, turned around, and handed one plug to Rainy. Holding the other up in front of him, he looked it over. Looking at Grandpa, he gnawed at one corner of it.


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[Assistant] Grandpa mumbled something about how kids were brought up these days. He came from behind the counter, saying to me, Let's go grind that corn.


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[Assistant] The Pritchard boys made no move to follow us out of the store. Come on, Grandpa said, I'm going to lock up till I get this corn-ground.


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[Assistant] We'll just stay here. I want to look at some of the shirts," said Reuben.


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[Assistant] No, you won't," said Grandpa. Come on, I'm going to lock up. Big grudgingly they walked out.


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[Assistant] In our other videos, we talked about the basics of fine tuning a language model with TensorFlow. And as always, when I refer to videos, I'll link them below. Still, can we do better?


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[Assistant] So here's the code from our model fine tuning video. And while it works, we could definitely tweak a couple of things. By far the most important thing is the learning rate. In this video, we'll talk about how to change it, which will make your training much more consistently successful. In fact,


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[Assistant] Really there are two things we want to change about the default learning rate for Atom.


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[Assistant] So the first thing we want to change is that it's way too high for our models. By default, Adam uses a learning rate of 10 to the minus 3, 1e minus 3, and that's very high for training transformer models.


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[Assistant] We're going to start at 5 by 10 to the minus 5, 5e minus 5, which is 20 times lower than the default.


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[Assistant] And secondly, we don't just want a constant learning rate.


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[Assistant] We can get even better performance if we decay the learning rate down to a tiny value, or even to zero over the course of training.


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[Assistant] So that's what this, this thing here, this polynomial decay schedule is doing. So I'll show you what that decay looks like in a second.


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[Assistant] But first we need to tell the scheduler how long training is going to be so that it decays at the right speed. And that's what this code here is doing.


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[Assistant] We're computing how many mini-batches the model is going to see over its entire training run, which is the length of the training set.


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[Assistant] And then we multiply that by the number of epochs to get the total number of batches across the whole training run.


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[Assistant] It looks like this. It starts at 5e minus 5, which means 5 times 10 to the minus 5, and then it decays down at a constant rate until it hits zero right at the very end of training.


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[Assistant] So I can, hold on, I can already hear you yelling at your monitor though. And yes, I know, this is actually constant or linear decay. And I know the name is polynomial and you're feeling cheated that you, you know, you were promised a polynomial and you haven't gotten it.


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[Assistant] So calm down though, it's okay, because of course linear functions are just first order special cases of the general polynomial functions.


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[Assistant] And if you tweak the options, uh, to this class, you can get a truly polynomial, a higher order decay schedule.


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[Assistant] But this linear schedule will work fine for us for now. We don't actually need all those, uh, fancy tweaks and fancy gadgets. So...


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[Assistant] Coming back, how do we actually use this learning rate schedule once we've created it? So it's simple, we just pass it to Adam.


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[Assistant] So the first time when we compiled the model, we just passed the string Adam to get our optimizer. So Keras recognizes the names of common optimizers and loss functions if you pass them as strings. So it saves time to do that if you only want the default settings. But now we're professional machine learners and that salary review is upcoming.


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[Assistant] So the first thing we do is we import the optimizer and then we initialize it with the scheduler, which is getting passed to the learning rate argument of that optimizer.


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[Assistant] Now we compile the model with this new optimizer and again, whatever loss function you want. So this is going to be sparse categorical cross entropy. If you're following along from the fine tuning video and then we're ready to go. We now we have a high performance model ready for training. All that remains is to fit the model just like we did before.


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[Assistant] Remember, because we compiled the model with the new optimizer and the new learning rate schedule, we actually don't need to change anything at all when we call fit. We just call it again with exactly the same command as before, but now we get beautiful training with a nice smooth learning rate decay, starting from a good value and decaying down to zero.


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[Assistant] There's virtually no vetting, because there are no databases in Syria. There are no government records. We don't know who these people are.


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[Assistant] No, by the wonder of Allah. It is a false coin. And I myself knew it not. Corn more frequenter of tree trunks. Now which is the bad one?


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[Assistant] If there were ever flowers in it, they'd vanish like camphor, and the pool should dark with weed. You can't even see your own reflection in it.


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[Assistant] So we have a question asking, how do you balance the rediscovery of history versus the rewriting of history?


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[Assistant] We've got a question wondering how many of the approaches to representing women's stories, he says, uh, in tech and otherwise, um, are, have to,


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[Assistant] The one I've been curious about is...


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[Assistant] Uhm, you showed the, the d.school, how you call it, path. And, you know, obviously the, this notion of speculative design is,


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[Assistant] Taking, you know, it's launching point is different, and I'm curious for students who have approached me and others about how to


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[Assistant] Transition from a point of view that's very influenced by sort of human-centered design, d.school thinking, and so on, into a world where they want to do work like the kind of work that you're doing.


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[Assistant] Which of the aspects of, you know, the training that they might get at a place like the D school here at Stanford, can they hold on to? And which elements of it, uhm, do you, would, do essentially we have to retrain our brains around?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna jump to a question from an undergraduate, I believe.


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[Assistant] And then maybe one of the PhD students, uh, I'd love to give a chance for one of the PhD students to, to jump in. Uh, so if any of you have thoughts, it will be a good moment. Asking a very practical question, how, how you recommend that individual college students can make an impact for the cause. So from the perspective that, you know, the kind of work that you're doing, what would be the, you know, what would be the steps you'd recommend for them?


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[Assistant] So I guess as we're coming up on 11 o'clock at a Friday night for Daniela, uh, why don't we all thank her for joining us, uh, and for very cool work.


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[Assistant] And we, uh, we hope to see you back in...


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[Assistant] The Bay Area at some point, uh, we would love to meet you in person. Um, until then, we will, we will make ourselves, uh, satisfied with, with, with what we got on Zoom. So thanks again so much for joining us and for giving us a late night talk.


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[Assistant] The tree was about thirty feet from our fire. We walked over and took a good look at it for the first time. My dog, seeing we were finally going to pay some attention to them, started bawling and running around the tree.


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[Assistant] Papa said, It's not much of a tree, just an old boxel to snag, there's not a limb on it.


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[Assistant] I can't see any coon, said the judge. It must be hollow.


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[Assistant] Papa beat on its side with the axe. It gave forth a loud booming sound. He said, It's hollow, all right.


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[Assistant] He stepped back a few steps, scraped his feet on the slick ground for a good footing, and said, Stand back and hold those hounds. I'm gonna cut it down. We need some wood for our fire anyway.


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[Assistant] Squatting down between my dogs I held onto their collars.


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[Assistant] Papa notched the old snag so it would fall away from our fire. As the heavy axe chewed its way into the tree it began to lean and crack. Papa stopped chopping. He said to the judge, Come on and help me, I think we can push it over now.


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[Assistant] I turned my dogs loose. On hitting the ground the snag split and broke up. Goggle-eyed I stood rooted in my tracks and watched three big coons roll out of the busted old trunk.


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[Assistant] One started up the washout, running between us and the fire. Old Dan caught him and the fight was on.


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[Assistant] The second coon headed down the washout. Little Anne caught him.


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[Assistant] Hearing a loud yell from Grandpa, I looked that way. Old Dan and the coon were fighting close to his feet. He was yelling and beating at them with his hat. The judge and Papa ran to help.


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[Assistant] The third coon started climbing up the steep bank close to me. Just before reaching the top his claw slipped in the icy mud. Tumbling end over end down he came. I grabbed up a stick and threw it at him. Growling and showing his teeth he started for me.


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[Assistant] I threw the fight to him then and there, some ten yards away I looked back, he was climbing the bank. That time he made it and disappeared in the thick cane.


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[Assistant] Hearing a squall of pain from little Anne, I turned. The coon was really working her over. He had climbed up on her back and was tearing and slashing. She couldn't shake him off. Grabbing her club from the ground, I ran to help her.


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[Assistant] Before we had killed our coon, old Dan came tearing in. We stood and watched the fight.


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[Assistant] When the coon was dead, Papa picked it up when we walked back to the fire. How many coons were in that old snag, Papa?


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[Assistant] I saw three, I said. The one that got away climbed out over there. I pointed in the direction the coon had taken.


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[Assistant] I never should have pointed. My dogs turned as one and started bawling and clawing their way up the steep bank. I shouted and scolded but to no avail. They disappeared in the rattling cane. We stood still listening to their voices. The sound died away in the roaring storm.


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[Assistant] This beats anything I've ever seen. Why, those dogs can read that boy's mind. He just pointed at that bank and away they went. I never saw anything like it.


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[Assistant] I can't understand some of the things they have done tonight. Hounds usually aren't that smart. If they were collies or some other breed of dog it would be different, but they're just red-boned hounds, hunting dogs.


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[Assistant] Papa said, Yes, I know what you mean. I've seen them do things that I couldn't understand.


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[Assistant] I've never heard of hounds that ever had any affection for anyone, but these dogs are different.


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[Assistant] Did you know they won't hunt with anyone but him? Not even me?


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[Assistant] Hearing my grandfather call my name, I went over and sat down by his side, putting his arm around me. He said, Now I wouldn't worry about those dogs. They'll be all right. It's not long till daylight, then you can go to them.


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[Assistant] I said, yes, but what if the coon crosses the river? My dogs will follow him. If they get wet, they could freeze to death. We'll just have to wait and hope the best, he said.


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[Assistant] Now straighten up and quit that sniffling. Act like a coon hunter. You don't see me bawling and this old foot is painting me something awful.


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[Assistant] I felt better after my talk with Grandpa. Come on, let's skin these coons, Papa said. I got up to help him.


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[Assistant] After the skins were peeled from the carcasses I had an idea. Holding one up close to the fire until it was warm, I took it over and wrapped it around Grandpa's foot.


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[Assistant] Chuckling, he said, Boy, that feels good. He'd another skin the same way. I kept it up for the rest of the night.


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[Assistant] It wasn't just the amount of people that were saying it. It was the stature of the people who were saying it.


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[Assistant] Hello everyone, it's me, Dilly Sims. Welcome back to my channel. Today we're playing Let's Play The Sims 4 Soap Opera Legacy Challenge.


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[Assistant] So if you're not all caught up, this amazing newlywed couple, Ryan and Juliette Drew, are married! And I think sh- Yeah, Juliette's pregnant, right? Yeah.


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[Assistant] I wonder, I wonder, I wonder so hard.


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[Assistant] And for some reason we still have guests from the wedding here.


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[Assistant] Don't know why. Actually, I'm gonna delete some of this stuff in the backyard because we don't need it. The wedding's over. Duh.


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[Assistant] Beautiful. Now we have a weirdly shaped backyard, but it's fine. It's not like we go outside that often anyways. And Ryan is still trying to get promotions so he can climb his way up to the top.


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[Assistant] For this plot of the storyline. So every time Ryan gets a promotion, I am going to also give him $50,000.


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[Assistant] Ryan, could you join this game and play with your dad? You're like a estranged father who is your biological dad.


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[Assistant] I heard kissing sounds. Aww, they're such a cute couple. Aren't they just so precious?


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh, it's What's Your Name, Bella Goss. Sup, girl. What, what you doing? What's good?


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[Assistant] I feel like we should be friends with the Goths, cause we are gonna be, you know, an up and coming family. So friendly introduce yourself.


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[Assistant] Doesn't matter what series I'm filming, they- people decide it's okay to break into other people's houses. What is this? Is this ash? Did something catch on fire?


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[Assistant] Because Ryan has already had like three promotions. So. And yes, Ryan is gonna be the breadwinner.


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[Assistant] This is my favorite garbage can because it gives you money every time you throw stuff away. I think I told- yea, I say that about every-


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[Assistant] Every time I buy this trash can. Juliet, go pee. Good job.


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[Assistant] Ryan, you get that skill point up and you can get a promotion tomorrow. Juliet, reach level painting 2.


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[Assistant] You know what, why don't you- oh, do we- Did I delete the art easel by accident? That was an accident. Is it in my family inventory or do I have to buy it again? No, I have to re-buy it.


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[Assistant] Hey Juliet, why don't you start working on your art?


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[Assistant] Paint from reference, a large painting from reference. Go go.


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[Assistant] Just in case you didn't know you were pregnant, Juliet, you're super pregnant. Like, sooo pregnant, it's not even funny how pregnant you were.


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[Assistant] Anything from reference? Ooh, let's paint this man like we're stalking him. No, just kidding. Oh this, this is pretty nice. Let's paint this.


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[Assistant] And Julia has acquired the photography skill. That's nice.


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[Assistant] Maybe she's gonna follow in her sister's Juliet's footsteps. I need to like, rename her like Destiny or something like that.


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[Assistant] I kinda want them to have one more baby, and I feel like that's a pretty good number of babies to have for them.


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[Assistant] The wedding was over a while ago. Peace bitch. I'm thinking of a few ideas in my head. But I want them to start off really nicely.


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[Assistant] Oh, you're rich! You're not Gerald, you're Gerald, right? No, you're Jeffrey. Jeffrey Landgraab! Jeffrey Landgraab! Over here! Oh, Mr. Jeffrey Landgraab!


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[Assistant] Friendly introduction. We're, we're up and coming rich people like you.


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[Assistant] Well, you- you're rich already, but we're up and coming. We're gonna be the richest, richest, rich, richy rich that have ever riched the town. You know what I'm saying? I'm so stupid.


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[Assistant] Did you level up your skill? Oh yea, you did. Good job. But you still don't have work for like three more days. And you need to fill out reports too, so. Let's go fill out those reports.


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[Assistant] I should really get going now. Bye Jeffrey! It was fun! Invite us over to parties and stuff. We're up and coming rich people, don't forget. And you, I want you to...


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[Assistant] I'm over here, right? No, no, no, you need to go into the internet, huh? The web, fill out reports. I know what I'm doing with my life, do you?


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[Assistant] She's like, move, I'm pregnant. That's what I would do if I was pregnant. I'd be the worst, most annoying person ever. I'd be like, oh excuse me, long line at Starbucks, I'm pregnant, I need to go first.


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[Assistant] I'd be the worst pregnant woman. Let's buy a few things for the house. I want to put a flower here. I want to put some things over here.


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[Assistant] And I don't know where I'm gonna add the second bedroom for our child. And I don't know what we're gonna name it.


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[Assistant] Either, oh my gosh, what am I gonna name him? Or her? I have a feeling it's gonna be a boy though. What do you guys think? Do you think it's gonna be a boy? I think it's gonna be a boy.


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[Assistant] You're filling out your reports? Are you being a good boy? Good, good. I didn't build them a mansion. It's not like they won't be able to afford it.


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[Assistant] That also depends on what type of kids they have. Like two boys, two girls, a girl and a boy, a boy and a girl, you know?


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[Assistant] Somebody once told me that a red door on a house signifies that the house is paid off.


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[Assistant] Have you guys heard that before? I heard that from somebody once. I can't think of who right now.


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[Assistant] Ryan, how long does it take to fill out reports and do business stuff?


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[Assistant] It's taking you forever. Oh, you're done? Good job. Good job. Good job. But let's go to, let's put you to sleep. I have a feeling Juliet's going to give birth soon. Oh yeah. I have a feeling she's definitely going to give birth soon. Ryan, go to sleep. Thank you.


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[Assistant] Go on into labor. Wow. Ryan, get up. Pre-parental panic.


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[Assistant] Ryan, get up. Start panicking with Juliet. Juliet's like super calm right now. She's like, I'm gonna go eat a piece of cake, and I'm gonna go pee, and I'll be fine.


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[Assistant] Let's just eat a piece of cake and then we'll go to the hospital. You know what? No. Screw it. You don't have time for cake. Oh, let's shout forbidden curse words. Do it. She's like, God damn this baby!


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[Assistant] And let's bring Ryan, oh, I was gonna bring the whole family along, but whatever. I just realized, guys, that I didn't record the pregnancy.


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[Assistant] And she instantaneously got level one parenting skill.


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[Assistant] We're home, where's my baby? My baby, where's my baby? Aww, cute little baby Devon. I'm gonna build a nursery really quick. I don't know where I'm gonna attach it.


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[Assistant] Let's coo him. Go coo him. And then Mara, I mean, I keep calling her Mara. Juliet! Can go feed him. I only believe in breastfeeding a baby.


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[Assistant] Baby, you good? Are you crying some more? Looks like you're crying.


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[Assistant] Oh, nevermind, you're changing the dirty diaper. You're obviously a better parent than I am. I'm like, shut the baby up! Okay, let's go to sleep. And you know what, we're not working tomorrow, neither one of us, right? Oh, you are. I was gonna say, no. Yeah, you're working.


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[Assistant] I was gonna say, let's have a party to celebrate the baby. We can still do it, you do get off work at five, so. It's a possibility, or we can do it Sunday. Something crazy is going down at the ruins, wanna check it out? Mary, you have a grandchild now. Shut up. You don't have time to go out there and party.


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[Assistant] You're not done creating- creating paintings? You need those paintings if you wanna- Oh, resume the large painting. Come on, girl. Go, Juliet, go. Baby's not crying yet? No.


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[Assistant] Baby is definitely awake. I wish I could pick up the baby and carry it places.


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[Assistant] That's paint, girl. Bye, Julia! Have fun at work!


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[Assistant] And let's rock your baby. And cuddle a little bit. It is your first born baby.


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[Assistant] It's kind of sad that Oswald and, I don't know, Jennifer, her name is Genevieve.


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[Assistant] Staying part of their family and choosing money and so she chose Ryan. You know, sometimes that stuff happens.


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[Assistant] I don't wanna have a little party, but I do not know. I don't think that's gonna be happening. Or maybe, you know what, why not have a little party? Why not? We'll throw the party without Juliet being here, and then Juliet will show up later. Yea. Let's throw a party right now. Plan social event?


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[Assistant] The parents. Guests. Let's invite Sally, Gerald, Mary, and Cassandra Goff. This is a weird turn of a- Whatever.


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[Assistant] Entertainer, no entertainer, and no alcohol either cause it's a baby party, duh. And yeah, we'll do it at our house. No no, Juliet will not miss work for this.


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[Assistant] Okay, apparently I need a speaker. I need some music. Why does my game do this?


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[Assistant] Where it changes the color of things. Boop! I don't know. Electronics!


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[Assistant] I'm gonna bring the baby over here so everyone can see the baby.


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[Assistant] Turn this on. New age music. Yeah. Eat food? We need to serve food first.


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[Assistant] Serve lunch. BLT sandwiches. Bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Here comes the guests!


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[Assistant] She's gonna straight to my TV, she doesn't even care about me. It's fine.


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[Assistant] Here comes more guests, here comes the rest of the family. There's Geralt, he's looking good in his party wear.


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[Assistant] Ryan, you got that? Those BLTTs? Oh, Bella, you're coming to the party too? I'm just gonna friendly introduction her. Will one of you guys dance at the same time, please guys, please?


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[Assistant] Eat food. Nobody has eaten yet, but okay. Eat cake? We don't have cake. I need to socialize with my guests 12 times apparently.


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[Assistant] Ooh, congratulations on your promotion, Juliet. Let's show them off to Mary.


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[Assistant] I guess I'll move it. I guess I can move the baby.


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[Assistant] More choices. Show off. To Mary. Mary come here, look at the baby.


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[Assistant] Look at the baby, Mary. It's so cute, aww.


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[Assistant] I should really get going now. Bye Bella! Are you like weirded out because I'm breastfeeding in front of everybody in the middle of the party?


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[Assistant] Okay, well guys, I think I'm gonna leave this part off here. Like, subscribe, comment, do all those fun YouTube things.


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[Assistant] And now I'm feeling a lot better. So I appreciate you guys sticking through the thick and the thin, the sick and the well and all that fun stuff. And we got to celebrate our two year anniversary with our wife. Uh, otherwise in the reading itself, we were


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[Assistant] Kinda, kinda towards the end of the chapter we were looking at Elaine, a little doctor, uh, lady who was older than even Rise, was taking a check on her and she was pretty much like, yeah.


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[Assistant] Uh, let her mate, uh, Lucian, just hang out with her a little bit and uh, see if she needs anything.


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[Assistant] So I think Nesta is super salty at the beginning of this chat. They're most likely if she's in it and, uh.


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[Assistant] Pyra and More are gonna be chillin', keepin' an eye on him, makin' sure Lucian doesn't do anything too... shysty. Let's get back into it with Chapter 29.


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[Assistant] It was the most uncomfortable 30 minutes I could recall.


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[Assistant] More and I sip chilled mint tea by the bay window. The replies of the three high lords piled on the little table between our twin chairs.


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[Assistant] Pretending to be watching the summer kissed street beyond us.


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[Assistant] The children, I, Faye, and Fairy, darting about with kites and streamers in all manner of toys, pretending.


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[Assistant] While Lucian and Elaine sat in stilted silence by the dim fireplace, an untouched tea service between them. I didn't dare ask if he was trying to get her into her head.


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[Assistant] Or if he was feeling a bond similar to that black adamant bridge between Ryze's mind and my own. If a normal mating bond felt wholly different.


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[Assistant] A teacup rattled and rasped against a saucer and more and I glanced over. Elaine had picked the teacup. Now sip from it without so much as looking toward it.


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[Assistant] New because Amaryn snapped at my sister to pay attention.


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[Assistant] They were building walls. In their minds. Cameron had told me as she ordered Nesta to sit at the dining room table directly across from her.


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[Assistant] Walls that Amron was teaching her to sense. To find the holes she'd laid throughout and repair them.


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[Assistant] If the fell objects at the Court of Nightmares had not allowed my sister to grasp what must be done, then this was their next attempt. A different, invisible route.


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[Assistant] Not all magic was flash and glittering, Cameron had declared, and then shooed me out. But any sign of that power within my sister, I did not hear it or see it, feel it.


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[Assistant] And neither offered any explanation for what it was exactly that they were trying to coax from within her.


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[Assistant] Outside the house, movement again caught our eye and we found Ryze and Cassian strolling in through the low front gate, returning from their first meeting with Keir's Darkbringer army commanders, already rallying and preparing. At least that much had gone right yesterday. Both of them spotted us in the window within a heartbeat. Stopped cold. Don't come in. I warned him through the bond. Lucian's trying to sense what's wrong with Elaine. Through the bond.


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[Assistant] Ryze murmured what I'd said to Cassian, who now angled his head much in the way I had no doubt Nesta had done, to peer beyond us. Ryze said, Riley, does Elaine know this? She wasn't divided down for tea, so we're having it.


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[Assistant] Rise muttered again to Cassian, who choked on a laugh and turned right around heading into the street. Rise lingered, sliding his hands into his pockets. He's getting a drink. I'm inclined to join him. When can I return without fearing for my life?


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[Assistant] I gave him a vulgar gesture through the window. Such a big, strong, Illyrian warrior.


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[Assistant] Valyrian warriors know when to pick their battles, and with Nesta watching everything like a hawk and you two circling like vultures, I know who will walk away from that fight.


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[Assistant] I made the gesture again and more figured out enough of what we, uh, of what was being said that she echoed the movement. Rise laughed quickly and sketched a bow.


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[Assistant] The High Lord since replies, I said as he strolled away, day, dawn, and winter will come. I know, he said.


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[Assistant] And I just received word from Crisita that Tarkin is contemplating it. Better than nothing, I said as much.


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[Assistant] Rice smiled at me over his shoulder. Enjoy your tea, you overbearing chaperone. I could have used a chaperone around you, you realize. You had four of them in this house.


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[Assistant] I smiled as he finally reached the low front gate where Cassian waited, apparently using the momentary delay to stretch out his wings, to the delight of the half dozen children now gawking at them. Amarin hissed from the other room, focus. The dining table rattled.


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[Assistant] The sound seemed to startle Elaine, who swiftly set down her teacup. She rose to her feet and Lucian shot to his. I'm sorry, he blurted. What? What was that? Moore put a hand on my knee to keep me from rising too. It was a tug on the bond. Amaryn snapped. Don't you, wicked girl.


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[Assistant] Then Nesta was standing in the threshold. What did you do? The words were as sharp as a blade. Lucian looked to her, then over to me, a muscle feathered in his jaw. Nothing.


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[Assistant] He said, and getting past his mate, I'm sorry, that unsettled you.


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[Assistant] Elaine sidled toward Nesta, who seemed to be at a near simmer. It felt strange, Elaine breathed, like he pulled on a thread tied to a rib. Lucian exposed his palms to her. I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] Elaine only stared at him for a long moment, and any lucidity faded away as she shook her head, blinking twice and said to Nesta, Twin ravens are coming. One white, one black. Nesta hid the devastation well. The frustration. What can I get you, Elaine? Only with Elaine did she use that voice. But Elaine shook her head once more. Sunshine.


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[Assistant] Nesta cut me a furious stare before guiding our sister down the hall to the sunny garden in the back.


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[Assistant] Lucian ran both hands through his long red hair. His skin was darker, a deep golden brown, compared to the paleness of Aerys's coloring. And I got to see Laine's end, where she ran off.


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[Assistant] Whatever he'd felt, it wasn't what we were looking for, even if we had no idea what precisely that was. We can try again, another day, I offered. Lucia nodded, but looked unconvinced.


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[Assistant] Amrin snapped from the dining room. Someone go retrieve your sister. Her lesson isn't over. I sighed. Yes, Amrin.


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[Assistant] Lucian's attention slid behind me, to the various letters on different styles and makes of paper. That golden eye narrowed. As Tamlin's emissary, he no doubt recognized them.


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[Assistant] Let me guess. They said yes, but picking the location is now going to be a headache. More frowned. Any suggestions?


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[Assistant] Lucian tied back his hair with a strap of brown leather. You have a map? I suppose that left me to retrieve Nesta. That pine tree wasn't there a moment ago.


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[Assistant] Ezra let out a quiet laugh from where he sat atop two boulders days later.


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[Assistant] Watching me pluck pine needles out of my hair and jacket.