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[Assistant] Uh, Karsten went, like, we get, we get so much stuff to talk about. Oh my god. All the other stuff.


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[Assistant] Yeah, unfortunately I'm sorry about these guys right here. It's, it's not good. But first let's introduce the rest of the Clickbait crew. Scooter, how you doing buddy?


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[Assistant] Listen, I would be doing much better if the Dallas Cowboys were not trying to get rid of every good player that ever existed on our team. Let's see how it plays out though. Tree, the, uh, Yinzer from Pittsburgh. How you doing buddy?


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[Assistant] Tom, you, uh, you retained your quarterback for the rest, apparently for the rest of time.


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[Assistant] I remember Scooter went to a final four and he watched Auburn blow the game from the upper deck and he didn't even know what was going on. It was surreal.


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[Assistant] But Khalil Mack? What the heck? Bro, who saw this coming?


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[Assistant] Do you think that Aaron Rodgers, as the bear's owner, made that trade? Like, he rubber stamped that at the end. Or, like, I think that y'all


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[Assistant] Listen, we live for the janky. We live for the janky. We are janky. This is what I want to know though. Would you guys, your teams, would you have made that same trade for Khalil Mack? I'll start, absolutely not, because we would have to get rid of our whole team. You're already doing that though. You're right.


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[Assistant] The cat doesn't exist. Look at, look at the Packers. They were able to keep Rodgers for I think 800 million a year. We don't know how much it's going to be. On the Giants, Khalil Mack, 2nd into 6th?


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[Assistant] Because you can't make those moves until the draft. Like they're being conservative. This is sort of a hybrid rebuild. And you gotta see if Tibido is available at 5, which I'm doubting right now.


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[Assistant] Or not washed up, but already, uh, long in the tooth, Khalil Mack. I'm going to wait for whoever they get at five and seven.


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[Assistant] Listen, if, if the Giants miss on 5,


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[Assistant] But Brandon, would you have made this trade? Broncos, second into six.


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[Assistant] Uhm, speaking of someone who's going to face his former team twice next year, a guy by the name of Carson Wentz, the former eagle.


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[Assistant] I think a lot of people had a good laugh.


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[Assistant] Eagles fans were laughing. Colts fans were laughing.


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[Assistant] But Carson Wentz has been great for the Dallas Cowboys. What has he been for you?


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[Assistant] I want that. That's what I want for my franchise. That's what I want for my starter. And guess what? We're gonna pay his full contract. Don't worry about that, Colts.


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[Assistant] So essentially, Tom, you're looking at Carson Wentz as a bridge quarterback, right? Are we thinking they might take someone in this draft here? Are the commanders looking for a quarterback? What are we thinking?


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[Assistant] What, like, how many other quarterbacks could Washington have gone for though? I feel like there's a slew of other quarterbacks you could have had that were not Carson Wentz that you did not have to pay this huge cap hit for. Like, what were the alternatives? Mason Rudolph? Like, there's not, there was really nobody that's like a


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[Assistant] Kirk Cousins refuses to go back there. No way. I'm glad he's back in the NFC East though. Welcome back, Kirk.


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[Assistant] It might be better. It'll be a revolution. I just wanna, since you do mention the Colts, Tom, I just wanna run down something real quick, some nuggets here. 2016 Andrew Luck.


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[Assistant] 2018 was Andrew Luck. 2019, Jacoby Brissette. 2020, Philip Rivers. 2021, Carson Wentz. 2022, no idea. What are they doing? Now do the giants.


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[Assistant] The, like, at least we're consistent, we just put out trash. They're just running through people.


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[Assistant] Do you think you will have any money whatsoever to realistically sign the players you need in the offseason?


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[Assistant] Then having no Rogers at all and then you can spend as much money as you want.


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[Assistant] Okay, so you were, uh, what's the word?


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[Assistant] You guys think the Broncos draft a QB? Still draft a QB, Brandon? Do the Broncos draft a QB?


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[Assistant] You see, you guys up there are so happy. You guys are joyful.


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[Assistant] I wanna know what's up with Amari Cooper. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


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[Assistant] Speaking of who's the father, wow, transitions. Did y'all see this story of this woman?


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[Assistant] Uh, came out, I recently saw this on Twitter, a woman is alleging she is the daughter- I'm not sure. Bruh-


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[Assistant] I feel like things like this happen routinely and we just never hear about it cause, uh, the people up top do a better job of sweeping it under the rug. What do you guys think?


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[Assistant] So apparently there was like no admission of like that she's actually his child, right?


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[Assistant] And the settlement was between Jarrah Jones and the mom to keep it quiet.


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[Assistant] This is the thing though, y'all think this is to distract us from what's actually going on with the Cowboys organization?


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[Assistant] This is to distract us from releasing one of the best route running receivers in the league. Think about it. This is to distract us from releasing one of the best defensive ends in the league. I'm not so sure. I don't know. I don't know. But the Cowboys have been doing a lot of foolishness. We've been trying to get rid of our best players while signing some of our other players. For instance, Michael Gallup. I love Michael Gallup.


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[Assistant] Big rumor that I'd heard, and I think it is unequivocally false, is that after the Cowboys lost,


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[Assistant] That's what's going around the interwebs right now. That's why some people think we're trying to move Amari Cooper, not for any other reason than there's a rift between him and Dak.


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[Assistant] Literally after year one, he's saying stuff like this. He's saying, Mike McCarthy knows he's not going to be the coach. Anyways, Sean Payton. What does that say?


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[Assistant] Dacus the Blackbaker Mayfield. Russell, okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, you bet on baseball. Baseball. Look, can we talk about baseball?


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[Assistant] Oh! Five! Let them know! Let them know about the Little League stuff!


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[Assistant] The second day, we're gonna do an inner squad game. We've got a lot of big names coming in. King of Juco is coming to play with us.


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[Assistant] So basically, for those who don't know what 5 is talking about, we are challenging, uh, uh, minor league teams and minor league players, YouTubers vs the minor leaguers. It's going down.


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[Assistant] It is happening. I don't know how to play baseball. I have a month and a half to learn. Let's go. It can be done. So I threw a couple bullpen sessions the last couple days. Let me tell you, the arm is not where it used to be.


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[Assistant] But baseball is back, guys. 5 and 3. Tell us why was baseball away for those who don't watch baseball, don't know what's going on, and why did it come back?


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[Assistant] And, uh, there was a lot of bickering, a lot of fighting. Baseball owners still very mad about 2020, all the money that they lost because they only played a 60 game season. Players very upset because their salaries haven't matched, uhm, the increase of inflation.


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[Assistant] And, uh, basically what happened was, I think the players probably caved on a lot of issues today. Uh, a lot of things are going to happen. There's going to be a universal DH 14.


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[Assistant] Uhm, playoff. 12-team playoff. 12-team international draft is all changing. So they made all these concessions and we got baseball because they understood what was at risk and baseball is back.


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[Assistant] And so they literally went to war over these issues and would not budget it. They got it done. They got it done.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, it took a bit, it got ugly, but I got it done. What was the deciding factor, do we know? Just the game's being cancelled? I have not seen any terms yet. I'm just happy that, yeah, that all we lost was two weeks.


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[Assistant] A month ago, no charges were filed on Trevor Bauer and it was, who was accused of


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[Assistant] You know, sexual assault or whatever. I said...


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[Assistant] Wait until we have all the data. Apparently we have all the data. No charges were filed and it's been swept under the rug. So what if that happens to Deshawn? What if there are no charges? Hold on.


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[Assistant] What were we just talking about? It literally just- Uh, Deshaun Law Baseball. Where is Deshaun Lawson gonna go? I heard that recently that they literally called some of the accused women to uh, testify. And, what do you do before you go into court? You go into depositions? Yes. So I feel like-


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[Assistant] I don't think this is being swept under the rug. I feel like this is starting to proceed. Uh, chat, let me know if I'm off on that, but that's what I read.


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[Assistant] It's crazy, it's just so crazy because like the inconsistency. I think that's what gets a lot of people. It's the inconsistency. Especially like, a lot of Cowboys fans are still heated over the Zeke stuff.


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[Assistant] Zeke getting suspended. No charges filed. This was based off the NFL's investigation. What? What? Okay, but it's just so interesting, so.


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[Assistant] No, that was you. I really want to get this thought out, guys, for real. I have people in my tweets, underneath my comments, saying, uh, things like,


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[Assistant] You deserve it. Right? That, that's what, that's what is deserved.


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[Assistant] Yes, that's what people are saying underneath myself. You knew the rules, you should be punished. It doesn't matter if it's $20 or $20,000, you knew the rules, you should be punished. Right? And there are people who think like that and agree with that.


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[Assistant] It's just hypocritical though, like, cause you can go leave the game, right? If you live in Vegas, you can go leave the game and then bet your entire game check on a crap, on the craps table and be just as much as a degenerate as Calvin Ridley sitting at home, betting a $1,500 parlay.


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[Assistant] Well you have to pick your illusion, Tom, right? We wanna, we as the fans, we wanna believe that the game is fair, and we just wanna ignore the fact that


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[Assistant] That football players have not gotten any smaller. In fact, they've gotten bigger, faster, and freakishly more athletic. And no one's like, hmm, I wonder if it's steroids. I wonder.


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[Assistant] You think that's terrible? Yeah, well, if, okay, if you bet on your team to win and you're playing all hard through the 60 and you injure yourself because you needed a win because you're gonna lose 20 grand or something for the team because the team doesn't win, don't you think that affects the outcome of the game?


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[Assistant] Don't you think that, I know when Pete Rose was betting for his team to win games, he was leaving pitchers in too long, or he was using relievers that he shouldn't have, or he was trying to win games that he was going to lose anyway. I see what you're saying.


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[Assistant] Uh, Halloween. Let's do it for Halloween. I mean, uh, Tom and, and, oh, a couple laundry list items. By the way, this is the one year anniversary of Clickbait.


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[Assistant] I think what we should do is go around. We've done this for a whole year. I don't know why.


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[Assistant] We should go around and say, what is your favorite clickbait memory so far in this first year of doing business together?


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[Assistant] Uh, if you have a favorite punishment, perhaps maybe a thing. Tree, what's your favorite thing so far? My favorite punishment?


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[Assistant] My favorite moment was clearly the shampoo bottle. Absolutely. It was just, bruh. Did you get rid of it? Cause...


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[Assistant] Why am I sweating so profusely? Y'all see this? And then Brandon also got a perm, which I think was pretty funny. Oh yeaah. Alright, we made it to an hour.


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[Assistant] But if you veto it, that means we get to elect, the second one gets implemented automatically.


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[Assistant] You should do one from Brittany Matthews and two from Jackson Mahoney. Change hair color to pink. Absolutely not. This man is handsome right now. We must keep him intact like this. At least three more.


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[Assistant] They have those costumes available. I saw one. And then one two step as a centaur. Yes. And make a video of you running around as a centaur. That is the punishment. You must dress.


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[Assistant] In a centaur uniform and do the one-two step to the tune of Sierra's one-two step.


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[Assistant] Chat? What do we think? We good with that? Dress up like a centaur in one two step?


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[Assistant] Five, what's coming out on your channel? Stop playing. Uh, a little bit of March Madness, a little bit of college basketball. College basketball's most cheatingest moments is coming up next.


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[Assistant] Uh, we have the entire crew assembled here, except for Scooter I think had a tornado warning, so he might get blown away, uh, during this broadcast.


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[Assistant] I'm just noticing something, Brandon. Your hair is not curly. What?


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[Assistant] To Terrell Owens for a cameo, so that's one. Brandon's hair is surprisingly straight.


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[Assistant] There is, yes, there is a perm Bible and rule number one is not to be sick.


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[Assistant] So we have some topic, we actually have to do a show here. We can't just take care of our dogs and talk about our hair. Uh, Mark Davis, was it yesterday or today? First of all, I want to play this clip of Mark Davis.


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[Assistant] Gosh, imagine logging into the registry and being second and you can't buy the haircut bowl for them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he sells backpacks on the street corner in Oakland, or actually in Las Vegas now. Pretty, pretty big market there for backpacks.


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[Assistant] To the moon. I would say it would go up like Shiba.


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[Assistant] As Brandon said, it'll take 10 years off, you know, add minus 10 years on your age and then all you need is a skateboard on your back and you just say, how do you do kiddo?


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[Assistant] What is his motivation for asking for this report to come out? Cause is he mad that he lost his coach and he wants others to get? Is he like, if I'm not happy, everyone's unhappy?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. It'd even be better if it was a midget in a tuxedo that hands it to him. But anyways, speaking of Jerry Jones.


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[Assistant] This is an awkward segue. Alright, Dak Prescott is banged up. Uh, he's a little hurt.


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[Assistant] Should he even play Scooter this weekend in a matchup that the Cowboys should win? Should Dak risk his future, uh, season? This could be a magical season. Um, hopefully not.


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[Assistant] I think, I think if Dak is hurt at all.


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[Assistant] He should sit, because I would very much like to see the Vikings upset the Cowboys on whatever date that they're supposed to be.


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[Assistant] Allegedly his season could be over. He has a bum shoulder. You know, I think it's a good thing that


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[Assistant] He's not missing time this year for something else like his leg or his nose being broken again. But his speculation is that he's going to miss the remainder of the season for surgery. Does this derail the Arizona Cardinals super potential Super Bowl run? Not having JJ Watts.


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[Assistant] That's the way. He's got seven rings and JJ Watt has none!


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[Assistant] Alright, I want to ask another question related to the Cardinals. Uhm, does being the last undefeated team mean anything?


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[Assistant] I'm distracted now by what you're saying. Oh, to contrast that, I think that what, the 98 Broncos won 12 straight to start the season and still won a Super Bowl?


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[Assistant] Um, there's been other teams that have gotten off to hot starts and did really well. I think, uh, what is it? There was one Cowboys team that went like 13 and three and they, um, how did that end? Listen.


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[Assistant] Did y'all know that scooter has a Wikipedia page? I did not know that. I do! Bro, someone up me!


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[Assistant] Uh, what about Vida Vea's full name? How about that?


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[Assistant] I just served y'all a word salad. Eat that up. Vita vea. I'm glad they-


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[Assistant] Shorten it to Vita Vea, by the way. And Tom has left to show everyone. Urinating Tree, there it is. Come on, try it.


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[Assistant] Tree, pronounce that entire name, cause I'm sure I butchered it.


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[Assistant] Where's the gefelte fish? Someone bring me the, and the apicoman now. It's Passover.


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[Assistant] Yeah, oh, did you, did a girlfriend drag you, or why? No, my two best friends are Jewish, so. Oh, okay. Oh, there you go. Uh, I've been, I've participated in many. It's a very, uh, they leave the door open for Elijah the prophet to walk in, and he never walks in. Like, it never happens. A douche. Yeah. Speaking of religion.


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[Assistant] We're, we're segwaying. Segways. Alright, segways. This, this is how this segment works. Thank you, Scooter, for keeping us back on track. I'm gonna call out everyone and you gotta tell me what your team needs to do at this trade deadline. Your needs, whether you need to be buyers, sellers, whatever. Brandon, you go first.


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[Assistant] Has the Packers ever historically done this? Where they just all in at, at, like this? Because they're typically a conservative organization.


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[Assistant] I'll do the Giants. I think that they should stand pat on almost everything except for trading Evan Ingram for whatever they can get for him.


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[Assistant] Pretty clear that they should sell, but they won't. Like they have kind of the excuse of, oh, everyone's banged up. We really don't have a gauge on what this team is. You know, we're, we're, they're obviously going to fire Gettleman in the off season. They're going to bring in a new GM with two first round picks, two high first round picks possibly. And they should, they should start.


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[Assistant] I don't know. They need to get rid of Nate Solder in a bad way and they need to get rid of all these other, uhm, cruddy pieces that they brought in, but they won't. It won't be as bloody as last year. And now Scooter


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[Assistant] What should the Cowboys do in preparation for their first round playoff exit?


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[Assistant] All right, uh, let's go to another story that I really liked was Mike Tomlin was linked to the USC or they, they, Dan Patrick really tried to stretch this link between Mike Tomlin and, uh, the USC Trojans. Let's play the clip.


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[Assistant] Uhm, let's find it here and then we'll give our thoughts.


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[Assistant] Even so with that loose connection, it's still a dumb question to ask. Like I'm not asking the question, like I'm not really reacting to Mike Tomlin more than I'm reacting to reporters just continually getting stupider.


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[Assistant] I'd be more qualified than the last guy they had, okay?


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[Assistant] Uh, if you know that story. Alright, speaking of baseball, wow, $100 from a guy named Inject Chicken.


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[Assistant] Severely. Oh, by the way, well, who's the pitcher that pitched with a broken freaking leg? Charlie Morton. Yes, Charlie Morton broke his fibula and then pitched, uh, pitched out the side and got her done. Oh, and Jack Chicken is after you, mister. Oh damn. He wants me this time. Oh, he's spreading it around.


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[Assistant] So his postseason is done, but he still got the side out with-


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[Assistant] Yeah, with his leg broken, and he was like, yeah, I'm not Kurt, I'm way tougher than Kurt Schilling in his fake bloody socks.


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[Assistant] I would like the Braves to win it in five, by the way.


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[Assistant] We're gonna do an extended preview of the game tonight! Green Bay Packers, half their roster is available right now because half of it is out. No Devonte Adams, no David Bakhtari, no Jair Alexander, no Desideria Smith.


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[Assistant] No Marques Valdez Scantling, no, uh, Preston Smith, no Josh Myers, and unfortunately, Preston Smith I play. Preston Smith I play. I think Kevin King will actually play, so I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] What? I think you blocked him. It just said, Tom is free from this because I can't send super chats to him. Look at you, Tom. Yea, you blocked him.


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[Assistant] Uh, but that's no. Inject Chicken has been injecting us. Uh, so who's gonna win tonight?


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[Assistant] Yeah, the line is minus six and I'm usually very conservative, but I like taking Arizona and the points tonight.


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[Assistant] It's also only minus 280. I think the Green Bay is just too banged up and DeAndre Hopkins is in for tonight. So he's going to be out there and he's going to abuse Kevin King like, uh, like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Hopkins has tricks. I'm just saying, like, I think, I think this is, uh, this is, uh, I wouldn't say an easy win for Arizona, but I think they cover and they also, uh, outright win.


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[Assistant] Alright, I think it's time to do the countdown. We're gonna wrap up early a little bit.


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[Assistant] Early day because it was...


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[Assistant] Okay, that's true. But he got to sit behind Joe Montagna.


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[Assistant] Good old Elvis. Alright, let's do the countdown, because if it doesn't continue to happen. I like how, uh, is NOK, is that Japanese currency?


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[Assistant] I think, I think we should all agree right now that whatever the punishment is for this, is for next episode, it's a costume-based...


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[Assistant] Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfit, please. No, Packers.


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[Assistant] And you'll just have to do a cheer, a Packers cheerleader cheer.


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[Assistant] Is it gonna be this one? Hold on. I wanna see that. Please.


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[Assistant] Oh, I just, I just posted the link. Hold on. Okay, that is true. He did have to... He did have to...


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[Assistant] Commercials with celebrities coming up, Scooter.


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[Assistant] Oh, look at the E and the S. I mean, they went all out. They went all out for this. I call this Ode to Aaron Rodgers. Do you own the Cowboys? Some might say yes. A father?


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[Assistant] I've gotten a couple, alright. I've gotten, uh, Charlie Tecopalta.


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[Assistant] Dr. Touchdown, a couple of anonymous donations. Uh, Jonathan Schnabel with the 20 Bomb. Dude, thank you guys.


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[Assistant] Once again, this isn't going to any of us. It's going to, uh, uh, tornado relief out in, uh, Eastern Kentucky, Tennessee, Illinois, Arkansas.


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[Assistant] $5 bet, you get 150 buckaroos and bets if you, if you win.


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[Assistant] Honestly, what they need is far more of that bull crap that's coming all their way. I see I saved myself there because last week was just Titan self-destructing and the Chiefs are going to be without a few of their wide receivers. I George, I mean potentially Travis Kelsey and Tyree kill.


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[Assistant] So, I mean, just watch them pull one out their butts next week. And this is why what the Steelers need is a Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] That's even less realistic than Stillers guest Superbowl, which is quite realistic by the way.


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[Assistant] He had to do some nasty things, but that's why he's been the owner of the, uh, the Washington Reeskins.


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[Assistant] So, uh, the Rams, I think what they want is a nice hair piece for Stan Kronke and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, what the rest of the NFL needs is the Patriots to suck for 20 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what they want is for the Saints to keep getting rekt by COVID, so they can keep winning. They need the Patriots to lose a couple pieces for them, and they need the Raiders to lose as well. So if they get those three things to happen,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. They lost to the Stillers. They self-destructed, man. Like most of the turnovers were their own damn fault.


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[Assistant] They need- It's definitely a new owner. They need, uh, something beside Johnson and Johnson, the doofuses at top. They need everything. They need Jeff Bezos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Better haircut for Mark Davis.


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[Assistant] What the heck? There is, I have a spoiler right now. It's that, uh, all the Spiderman come together and they come to a firm realization that the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to the Super Bowl. There you go. Sorry.


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[Assistant] No, what they need is progressive insurance to help Baker finally realize he's a quarterback. Yeah. Baker does not eat any more commercials.


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[Assistant] They need, uh, Jack Easter to, uh, be banished back to the pits of hell. They need Kyle McNair to not be a terrible owner. They need Hello Brian's butt chin curse to cease. And they need Deshaun Watson to stop wanting happy ends.


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[Assistant] I think the Niners in a pretty convincing when they've been estimating their opponents.


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[Assistant] Uhm, do we count donations we made ourselves or nix those?


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[Assistant] Alright, the victim, what's his name, who's getting punched here? Chris Johnson. Chris Johnson?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got sucker punched when I was like 12 by a neighbor, we were beefin' and like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He like, he tried to like, we were-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, so he convinced Ian to act like we were gonna squash it, and then when we squashed it, Ian punched me in the gut.


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[Assistant] Now Ian knows who the fighter is. On board? Flying Triangle? I can do all that stuff. It's a full character arc.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I just want to go back to, alright, what are the previous incidents here that you can think of, right? There's IKN and Pali who hit Geno Smith in the face, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To just, as a, as a, he was putting his best foot forward to, um, to, uh, disrupt his, uh, relationship with the Jets. But, you know, Romanowski hit it, broke his teammates orbital and still played out basically the end of his contract with the Raiders, I believe, or the Broncos. Whoever he was, I think it was the Raiders at the time. I think it was the Raiders.


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[Assistant] Brown obviously is still talented. He won a Super Bowl last year. He's on the roster. I think it would be more hurtful. He would be more likely to get cut if it was a teammate, right? Like if he had hit a teammate, he'd be more disruptive. But because it was a member of an opposing team,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the type of player that once his career is over, like, it's done.


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[Assistant] I pray that they get that resolved, but it's, it just smells like it's going to end badly for Antonio Brown or, or there'll be continued incidents with him post NFL for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that causes, you know, a problem, like, you know, with other players fighting and disrupting the flow of the game. That's what I think the intent is. The way John Mara comes off, he comes off as a tone deaf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, just, uh, boomer is the appropriate word for that.


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[Assistant] But I, I, and, and then also in the preseason, that's when the refs intentionally get things wrong to send a message. You know, it's like, oh, we're calling everything. By the time the regular season comes around, they let stuff like that slide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything around this crotch area, that's an instant flag, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You out there are able to contribute to each one of our channels, uh, with your donations, which we are very appreciative. Don't get us wrong. And the whoever gets the most is the loser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, Brandon had, was forced to make a song and then Tom Grassi had to get into an ice bath. So I would like to see Brandon's song first. I've been waiting for this magical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, song about Tom Brady for a long time. And then when we kick it to Tom for his section, he can give us the ice back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, I'll, I'll talk. Uh, Tant generally, like, I was in spring training and they didn't ask me what questions I was gonna ask the players and this was in the beginning of 2020.


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[Assistant] Football is so hard and when you see Tim Tebow as massive as he is, like every picture I saw of him, his bicep is just exploding, exploding out of that jersey. Like I, like he could flex and another bicep, another Tim mini, miniature Tim Tebow would come out of that bicep and then flex again.


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[Assistant] For him to not be able to do any of the minimal skills of a tight end just indicates one


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[Assistant] Football is really hard, right? Like all the positions, all the footwork involved in that, like, and you know, Uche, who's been on this show and that we're friends with, you know, he did a whole breakdown on how bad Tim Tebow was blocking. For him,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He hasn't, he had no contact instincts. I watched the game. His, his routes that he ran, he got zero separation. Uhm, he, he, he cut his route short. Like everything that a tight end should do that will at least be positive signs of development, he showed none of. And that's why...


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[Assistant] And uh, Logan Thomas, who was a quarterback, they were, they had the best asset that you could possibly have. They were young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Tim Tebow is 34, 33 years old, however. Like, he needed to be as NFL ready just to make this team, and that was an impossible task right there. It would have taken a miracle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's his problem. If Tim Tebow had converted when he was 26 or whatever, when the Broncos, you know, jetties send him, this would be an option, but he wanted to do other things. He wanted to, he wanted to examine, you know, what he was doing with his life. He wanted to play baseball and he was a decent minor league baseball player, but he's also in baseball that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's so crazy about the quarterback position too, is the most unathletic people are greater. Like Matt Ryan looks, like with his shirt off he looks as average. He hasn't, he has had a dad bod since he was 22 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, Matt Ryan does not li- or Eli Manning, like those guys are not the alphas when it comes to their body shape or sizes, but they can swing the ball.


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[Assistant] Just basically was very honest and just said, hey, no way to sugarcoat it. I'm an a-hole. That was, that was, you know, he's basically saying that was a, a, a, a D-Ice, you know, kind of move.


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[Assistant] Right, oh, we were trying to play the clip there, but uhm, the thing is, it's like, okay, they probably had a competition, and Dan was probably, you know, as you age, and I'm very aware of this, you know, you start to lose a step, you start to lose your instincts, they probably brought in a younger guy, and it just sucks, but the one thing that I want to bring up is Dan Campbell is a guy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is the, is going to be the embodiment of the phrase, whatever got you to the NFL is what is going to end your career in the NFL. And Dan Campbell, for being as transparent and as open and honest as he is at this stage in his career, that is what is going to get him fired when, when there are a four win.


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[Assistant] That has been the trend. Whatever your most marketable skill is in the NFL, and this is almost true in all walks of life, whatever it is that got you the job is going to eventually be what gets you fired, and Dan is whale on that track. He's going to shoot his mouth off.


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[Assistant] Where's the picture? This is what Calvin said. How happy is Matt Stafford to be in LA? Like, so happy to be.


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[Assistant] I honestly think, I disagree with Tom, I think they're gonna stick with Washington football team. This is some type of focus group training that they're like, they're trying to get some free focus group reaction to this. And I think that out of all those names there, they just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My topic was not really Dan Campbell. It was that this weekend is the dress rehearsal for the NFL. You're going to see the starters of your teams respectively.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Often Daniel, Alexander, and the Wizard.


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[Assistant] Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks you will be on the tubes.


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[Assistant] That's it, that's it. Ravens and gold, purple and gold fingernails.


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[Assistant] We can do that, yes. Two teams and it looks terrible. It sounds like a relaxing day.


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[Assistant] Right after this video at 7 o'clock, I think I have it scheduled. Uh, I have a video, a stadium porn everybody!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is, okay, listen, here, I say this in the video and I'll leave this with you. It's one thing to have snow be a factor to ex, you know, like even in, in, with the roads in Minnesota, but it's another thing to have that pretty much be a guarantee. It is not a guarantee.


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[Assistant] Should he be compared to one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time to ever play the game? No, he should, he should not. I'm sorry. Let's, let's, let's just take a trip down memory lane here. Let's look at some stats. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, we're bringing up stats all day. We can bring up the stats all day. Alright, listen. Aaron Rodgers, three time MVP. How many time for Dak Prescott? How many time? How many time? How many time?


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[Assistant] So in the playoffs, I feel like we, I feel like that's a stat. Like I feel like we've won there. I mean, when we won a Super Bowl there, uh, beat you, you know, that one time when you like had rookies and then that one time with Jared Cook. How many, how many playoff games have you guys won in the past while under Dak Prescott?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we won three in your building, including, that was a Superbowl too, so.


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[Assistant] Let's, let's, you know what, let's go with a lock here. Apparently I'm doing the DraftKings read betting sports stuff. Tom Grasizio, by the way, what the actual hell is that?


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[Assistant] And you could turn it into more monies if you wanted to because DraftKings Sportsbook is the place that you could do that. And what will DraftKings give you? Well, I watched a couple commercials when I was watching football on Sunday and they were telling me, oh man,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, up to a thousand dollars. That's crazy. That's a lot of money. That's more money than I have in my checking account right now. But yea, so up to a thousand dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for that deposit thing and listen, even if you don't have it in your state, you can do the fantasy stuff. I bet like 10 bucks on there. I lost it all, but it's maybe you're probably better than me. I suck with my picks, but you know, you could download the DraftKings Sports app book now. And if you use our promo code clickbait, yeah, you're going to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's clickbait. If you, if you do, uh, if you do a shot of peanut butter whiskey, you could, you could, you could bet on, uh, DraftKings. Uhm, and there's a disclaimer too. It was like, don't, don't do it while you're pregnant or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My locks of the week, this is easy. Uh, one, Deck Prescott will never have more MVPs than Aaron Rodgers, so that's a lock of the century. That's one. Two, in honor of Brandon Perna, Drew Lock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which by the way, Kentucky bluegrass, that's what, that's what it is. It's a hybrid of real grass and turf in Lambeau field. And Ben Roethlisberger is going to be a skid mark on it. A skid mark.


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[Assistant] No, I know, and that's the worst part. You see, he's not even gonna play. He might cough on you though, cause he's not vaccinated, but it's fine. But what he's gonna do is Rashaun Gary's gonna hit him and he's gonna burst into dust and it's gonna be done. Tom Grosse's three locks of the week. Play my music.


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[Assistant] Oh, the Mac Daddy! Oh, you know, with uh, Mac, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Matt Jones, uhm, you know, didn't really look too hot, uh, got D+, okay, that's tied for Trevor Lawrence there, uh, didn't look too good, uh, Saints kinda carved him up a little bit, uh, oh, my graphic's gone again, so it's got awkward again, uh, but anyway, uh, uh, thank you, I feel a lot more comfortable now. So, uh, with Matt Jones, uh, I feel like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, I think that man is just eating chilies like all week, uh, and it's like the leftovers, cause Bill is like, listen, buddy, you will literally die because I will kill you if we don't beat Tom Brady. So I feel like I believe a little bit more in Mac Jones. Uh, the Buccaneers defense is a poopy caca.


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[Assistant] Hey guys, real quick, sorry to interrupt, but there's breaking news. Uh, the NFL's halftime show is going to be Dr. Dre, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Mary J. Blythe, and Kendrick Lamar. Let's go boys!


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[Assistant] The Rams! The Rams! The Rams! They're playing the, uh, Cardinals, uh, this week. Should be a pretty, uh, interesting matchup. We got Louis vs. Grandpa Cardinal here. And, uh, I think, uh, yeaah, I think it's going to be a fun matchup. But the Rams, I mean, they were like my Super Bowl


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Favorite from the NFC this season. And the Chargers actually, believe it or not.


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[Assistant] I think, uh, the Rams, like their defense can remain that good, which it is. I mean, Tom Brady's are leading Russia with 14 yards. I mean, I know the Buccaneers just don't have a rush game, but Matthew Stafford's slinging it. Deshaun Jackson came out of nowhere and like was like, oh yeah, I'm still a deep threat.


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[Assistant] Nope, we actually like proved it and actually caught a long touchdown and Stafford missed him on a couple of them too. Uh, and then Cooper Cup is like single-handedly making it close in some of my fantasy leagues. So yeah, their offense is clicking. Like I wish Cam Akers was still on that team. Like I wish you didn't get hurt because then you'd like be able to see that offense at its full potential. But yeah, the Rams are a damn good football team right now.


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[Assistant] Can you please, uh, put the logo back over? Just, uh, allow for the suspension of disbelief. Please and thank you.


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[Assistant] Well, there's two curses now because he picked the Broncos and you said the Raiders were number one in your power ranking, so we're gonna see whose curse actually works right now. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] I mean, the president of the Packers literally told me, he's like, the draft is a guess.


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[Assistant] He's like, we do all like the scouting and we do all that work, but it's literally a guess. Then, and if there's anything that proves that look at all, like the first round busts that are out there, like nobody predicts, like everyone's like, oh, they're gonna be the next superstar. And then they're not, you know, and there's a lot of like factors that go into that environment coaching, you know, the support staff around them. Don't get me wrong, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, no one's like picking Trevor Lawrence to just be like, oh man, like we're picking him. He might be really, really bad, but it's a total, it's a total guess. It's a total shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I mean, there's plenty of reporters. I mean, this happened last year after the Colts game with the Packers, and someone legit, cause MVS fumbled the ball, and a beat reporter legitimately asked Matt LaFleur to his face, how can you live with MVS?


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[Assistant] Like, you're like, well, how come, like, any of us don't have credentials? Like, how come any of us? Because, like, we would never ask that question, because, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, we created Kitty Goes Meow. And, uh, ever since then, it's been a firestorm in the league. Okay? I don't wanna say that I am solely responsible for the Bengal success, uh, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm not, I'm not gonna not say it. Uh, Kitty Goes Meow, gonna put up at least 35 points tonight. Uh, Joey Burrow, Joey Bing, gonna do pretty well. Jamar Chase, who's been also carrying my fantasy league, which by the way, I lost a tree in fantasy, which was an outrage and disgrace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, I'm so glad you asked. Well, I lost to the Autodraft last week, and this past week I lost to Tree, so things are- Oh, you lost! I lost!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Click, click that guy. And it says go live. It says upload video, go live, create post. Okay, okay, okay. You hit that go live right there. Yup. Then you're gonna see today's video. It's gonna be posted right there. America's team. You're gonna click that little link right there. Okay, I got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so is he, he throws and falls at the same time?


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[Assistant] And now we are here. Uh, I don't even know what number episode of Clickbait Sports this is. I'm, I just know that we're all here so that we won't get fined. We have a awesome lead story today.


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[Assistant] Uh, but before I get to that, we've got some punishment. Well, we've got one punishment. You see Scooter wearing some type of shirt. I don't know. It looks like an overgrown shirt. We'll get to that after our first read. Our first ad read. But, uh, Antonio Brown. Uh, he was caught faking his coat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm seeing Lucy Liu, Nellie Furtado, Janet Kramer, Charlie Puth, and uh, Action Bronson.


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[Assistant] Who was, uh, faking his vacani- vaccine- vaccination. Vaccination status. Ooh, you just got a hundred dollars right there, Scooter, for your birthday. Very nice. Happy birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are your thoughts? Uh, urinating tree on Antonio Brown being outed as a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just goes to prove that if you're talented and you're above and you're good looking and, uh, you have a good lawyer, you can get away with almost anything as long as you're not caught on tape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There it is. Thank you. He's just contributing to us. We should be giving him money for that intro. That was brilliant. That was really good. 10 out of 10.


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[Assistant] Yes. He's like, they're like, all right, recover. Money doesn't mean anything to you because you don't pay anybody anyways. Like you don't have any bills on the out. So Antonio, just take these next three weeks off. You're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm doing an awkward transition here.


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[Assistant] So Brandon, I got a little beef with you. I took the chargers.


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[Assistant] Uh, minus 2.5 or something on Sunday. Dumb, stupid, I told you. And your broncos took my money from me!


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[Assistant] I violated my own rule, which is never bet a division game, and I did.


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[Assistant] You know, me and my 5'10-ness and Brandon is 5'3 height.


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[Assistant] Hey. How tall are you, Grosse? I'm six. You're not six feet tall.


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[Assistant] Adap. Yeah, I forgot to call him by, instead of just putting his two initials together, which seems like the logical thing, I forgot to call him by his nickname, the initials of that. My bad, Adrian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are cheating! Bring that, bring that measurement to the camera. Bring that measurement in.


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[Assistant] I wanted to ask anybody, can anyone think of a late season signing that actually made a difference for their team or for any other team? Cause I have one.


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[Assistant] I just lied. I just, I just cursed. No, my, my late season signing that actually made a difference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is RW McQuarters to the Giants in 2008 and I seem to remember there was a play where it was like 4th and 10. And some guy named Tony Romo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drop back, and it was a playoff game at Old Dallas Stadium.


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[Assistant] Speaking of other signings, the bear signed D-Virgin to the practice squad.


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[Assistant] The bears are gonna get bolstered in the backfield, in the secondary now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if they could bring in Case Cookus, it would make us all happy.


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[Assistant] Actually, I worked for a guy, his name, let's call him, his name was Billy Gay, right? And he was in the military before I worked with him.


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[Assistant] And the drill sergeant was going down the line, just busting everybody, you know, making fun of their physical appearance. You know, he's like, Smith, you're a loser. Look at how big your nose is. He got to Billy Gay and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it has any type of verb meaning, like, uh, what is it? How do you get that from Richard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of glory days, that has nothing to do with this next topic, but college football is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Going down to the final four, right? I know, uh, Tom, you probably don't have any opinions on college football because you only care about the Packers.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so if Alabama does lose- oh, okay, I look like Eric Avari, that's funny, alright. Uh, so if Alabama loses to Georgia, who gets that fourth slot? That's a great question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he did. What's funny is, at some of these state colleges, the football coach is the highest paid state employee.


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[Assistant] So, yeaah, but still, if you're a third stringer, that just- oh, okay.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, I don't think, you know, like if you're a third stringer or someone that's a backup, like you work and, and practice just as hard as everybody else and you get nothing. You get to say that you play, that you dressed up on Saturday, basically, and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess there is inequality in college. Uhm, there's inequality in life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's right. Like when Nick Saban, when he gets all mad at his players for missing one block.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna make millions of dollars as well. Now, one comparison that I will take in terms of my looks is... Hold on, I gotta download it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it's not that. That one's kinda like, it's there. This one I will take all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was Christian who was married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, uhm, speaking of how much money the coaches make, if you have some extra money,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you want to gamble a little bit. Why not do it at DraftKings.com? Uh huh. Right now you can get a deposit bonus of up to a thousand dollars. Can I get some legal disclaimer up here? I got you fam. You got it? You got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can do parlay's, you can do live in game betting, you can do, uh, you know, take the over, the under, the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up the down. In fact, I've got four, oh, okay. We go in there. We go in there, okay. You just got, you guys are just showing bald people, okay. Like it's not fun, bald with like a quarter inch long beard. Look, I've got four active, that's accurate. I've got four active bets right now.


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[Assistant] That I'm looking at to win. I took the Cowboys. I bought them early at 4.5 at minus 4.5. So I'm riding with the, with the Cowboys cause they gonna try to make me some money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got the lions. I think the lions are going to win. I took them at plus seven. I, I, I flipped the script. I went with the Broncos plus ten. Ooh. So I like that. And then the Ravens minus three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, when you use the code clickbait, get all your deposit bonus, you get boosted and all that stuff with DraftKings.com. The best place to bet on sports. Clickbait sports, code clickbait. Thank you. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, you should dress up as Scutellier-Groutier, I think would be fair, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about a subject that Tom knows nothing about as well. The MLB has locked their players out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's happening? Well, if you're losing money, yeah, but the way that it works, I mean, the system of the MLB is set up is that the rich teams make a lot of money and then they distribute their excess for going over. Yeah, they have a revenue sharing model instead of a salary cap. So the players.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, you know, they're, they're, they, they seem to be kind of nitpicking at some things. They want to be free agents earlier. They already have guaranteed contracts. Like they have more than they, that, wow. Wow. This is going to be a close one tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every 10 years, they go through a divorce with each other and then kiss and make up. Like they divide up all their assets, they fight over the children, and then they're like, alright, let's get back together. And then they put everything back the way it was before. It's just a ridiculous exercise. But this time, it just seems that the owners are the ones that are upset because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Ultimately, there's two things. Ultimately, the player's union


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The MLB players union is one of the most powerful unions, period, in the world. Not just in sports, but they are the most stubborn, like they've usually, every negotiation they usually win. They usually get what they want. But the, ultimately,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We said the owners can just start putting replacement players out there. I'll be out there trying out on, uh, March 1st if it comes down to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The MLB has an arbitration system where if you do good after your first two years on the job, you can just complain and they'll bring it to a neutral party and they'll say, you know what, you deserve $10 million this year. You cannot do that in the NFL. Like your rookie deal is your rookie deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the, in the MLB, it's completely different. Like you could get a 10 million, $15 million raise if you just outperform your contract. It's such a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, player's weighted deal, and uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna ask a question, is Aaron Rodgers gonna miss any time because of this show?


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[Assistant] Do you think if the Packers go out and win a Super Bowl and his toe is somehow disfigured like John Jones, you know, in the ring, that Aaron Rodgers retires and goes out on top with, you know, a crooked toe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're winning, so whenever you're winning things are always better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would put that into 80%. I would, I would put that 80%. 62.5. 69.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of the Steelers tree, you want to bring those up. Apparently your nails were supposed to be painted a different color for today because the Steelers are playing the Ravens, but you keep kicking this down the road, like you keep punting like the Scottish hammer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Scooter, you could probably drive down OBT and see at least three people you could give that jersey to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of the Redskins, I wanna know, is Taylor Heinecke the answer in Washington? Because I have an interesting take on Taylor Heinecke and what happens there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might come back to eat those words. See, my thing with Taylor Hynek, he is being in Washington, if he gets them, he cannot win. Like, he will not be a football team member next year because if he gets them to the playoffs,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, personally, if he makes it to the playoffs, he'll get paid like some day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stupid team will pay him for, like, give him a two year deal.


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[Assistant] But I just don't think that he has a win-win situation. There's no, there's no way that he continues to be the quarterback.


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[Assistant] After this season, no matter what he does outside of winning a Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] He's from Richmond, you know, right down the road. So he might want to. All right. Before we get into the super chat count up and the Thursday night preview, I want to try a little section, a new segment today.


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[Assistant] Well, I pick a topic and everyone gets to tell me one story related to this. I want to know what's the most athletic thing that you've ever done. And I want to start with urinating tree.


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[Assistant] Alright, so that's the most athletic. Brandon, what's the most athletic thing that you've ever done?


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[Assistant] But one, the only thing that I could do was run the bases. Like I was good at that. And the only, and on top of that, the only thing I could do is avoid tags even more so. So anytime, uh, I got, I was running down third trying to score and the catcher had the ball, I could always juke the catcher out for some reason. Like I had the skills to get by him. And the last time that I did it,


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[Assistant] I was dead to riots. I came around there, catcher has the ball, just staring at me, like looking at me, ready to tag me, and I juked, right?


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[Assistant] And I jumped and I curved my body like a reverse C as he swiped the tag.


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[Assistant] Yes, I went past him and then somehow collected my legs underneath my body to come forward and slide like with my feet forward.


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[Assistant] To the left of the plate and then tagged it on the way by and the umpire looks at me as I get up and I'm waiting to just be called out because half the time in the youth sports umpires don't know they always miss the call and he looks at me and goes and you tap the plate as you went by and he just went.


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[Assistant] Yes. I've had several submissions in jiu-jitsu tournaments and it feels good because the thing when you're too amped up in a jiu-jitsu tournament, like you'll crank someone's arm like too far and you'll have to let go. And one time this kid's popped, I didn't mean to, he just didn't want to tap. But when you're in a tournament, you'll just pop it because- Oh, you just go, like you can do-


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[Assistant] I'm not entering into any of these conversations. The scariest thing though is when you hear someone's arm pop and you're like, oooh, that doesn't, that doesn't. My bad.


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[Assistant] What I don't understand is that when these teams played a week ago on Thursday, like this is so unfair to both teams to make them come off of a short week and then have another regular week. Usually the reward for


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[Assistant] Everyone get your superchats in. This is to make either Tom wear a French-made outfit, or, uh, I have an idea to dress like Tripp Baylis. No.


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[Assistant] Alright, I'll go first. I got $47. Thank you, everyone.


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[Assistant] Thank you. R.C. from the NYC, M. Rees, Mecca Fishman, Kyle Tucker, Daniel Schell, Adam Sterhan.


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[Assistant] Excuse me, why are these college teams so bad? I thought you were going to help me, Scooter, but I don't know if you have time.


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[Assistant] Yes, shoot tonight because I might upload it at midnight tonight. They said I had to get it out by, I could get it out by December 3rd and technically midnight is December 3rd. So, we'll see if-


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[Assistant] Hey guys, just good to be back. Uh, we all had a week off last week, so I am feeling jacked.


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[Assistant] I have a question for skaters. If the Cowboys beat the Buccaneers by 74 points.


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[Assistant] Well, they're, they're labeled as like a charter school, right? Oh, yep. And I read like the kid saying,


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[Assistant] We went to school once, which was just a library that we met at, and it was in October, and we were all like, what's the point of this? And everyone agreed, so we didn't try to even do school after that. So like, the fact that


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[Assistant] It's like ESPN hires a marketing company that hires another company to vet a school that is kind of scammed. I guess an entire state to be functioning is, uh, is crazy.


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[Assistant] And I think of like how unorganized we are, like as YouTubers, like we're always like trying to keep our crap together to get a video up to check, check like facts that are in our video.


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[Assistant] Sorry, I felt horrible this year, like I did a story that Todd Gurley was traded to the Ravens.


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[Assistant] Because I read a tweet about it and it was from a fake tweet account. It wasn't Barry. I know when it's Barry. It wasn't Barry. I put it in an episode and I felt like such an idiot, right? And nobody cared. It's like, oh yeah, you got duperna. Ha ha ha ha ha. But if you're ESPN...


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[Assistant] And you broadcast that game, which I did, it's crazy. And uh, that's all I heard.


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[Assistant] I mean, the good news is, Adam's gonna be staying at my house, and he happens to be a Giants fan, and the Broncos play the Giants week one, so we will stream that together. Very nice.


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[Assistant] I think the Broncos will win. I believe they're favored by three, which is nice because they are going to New York City.


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[Assistant] First game of the season, right? We've got Cowboys, Buccaneers. Uh, I think that's solid game to start the season.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the real world, mother lickers. The only time zone that matters, mountain coast time. No, it's east and west coast, or as they call it.


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[Assistant] We are the highest, so we count for the most.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, would you guys just let me talk for two freaking seconds? No. Go ahead, Brandon. I just wanted to say Carson Wentz's name. Carson Wentz, is he gonna play for the Colts? Is he starting week one? Is that interesting? I find it, I find it very interesting.


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[Assistant] Marquee matchups, right here. Chargers, Washington.


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[Assistant] I'm kidding, Scooter, but I just wanted to say, uh, Jaguars Texans, I think one thing that'll happen in this game is Trevor Lawrence is going to look really, really good. Somebody we have not really talked about this preseason against just a god-awful Texans.


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[Assistant] So, that's a real football thing to look out for.


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[Assistant] Justin Herbert versus Ryan Fitzmagic. Washington riding one of the best defenses in the league last year.


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[Assistant] The fact that anybody likes that, it perplexes me. It is odd. Alright.


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[Assistant] We got, well, uh, Tree picked the Steelers to lose. I think this is gonna be a week one gut check for the Bills offense, so...


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[Assistant] Which, I think it's a good time to thank our sponsor DraftKings.


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[Assistant] Uh, DraftKings Sportsbook is giving all new players a deposit bonus of up to $1,000 with their first deposit when you use code, what is that? Adam's head? No, no, no, that's clickbait. Code clickbait with DraftKings.


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[Assistant] So you head to DraftKings, uh, the sportsbook, download the app right now and check out all they have to offer, including same game parlays, which are a lot of fun, uh, player props, live betting, and so much more.


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[Assistant] So, Adam and I, I looked up the spread for the, the Bronca's Giants game. It's Bronca's favorite by three. I feel like...


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[Assistant] This is close, a little too close. Don't like the Bronca's Giants bets because I'm not sure we know who these teams are yet.


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[Assistant] But right below it, you've got the Chiefs favored by six over the Cleveland Browns. And I think the Browns...


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[Assistant] Surprise people week one and beat the Kansas City Chiefs. If not, I think this game is even closer than a touchdown, so.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, same game, parlays, uh, Tom, you can only bet on Buccaneers Lines.


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[Assistant] DraftKings also for existing customers. People already signed up with DraftKings. You have the opportunity to participate in the first game, the week one no-brainer, which is


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[Assistant] Lions. Anybody think the Lions are winning this game? Did the Lions sign a kicker yet?


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[Assistant] You mean the joke I've been doing for two years, Adam?


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[Assistant] Browns Chiefs? Already said I think the Browns give an upset. That's not even because I want the Chiefs to lose. I'm just, Browns are my, uh, my AFC Super Bowl pick for the year.


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[Assistant] Alright, Dolphins Patriots. This is good. This is a fun game.


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[Assistant] Man, I wanna pick the Dolphins so bad, but I think the Patriots are gonna be very good again. Their defense looked normal, like old Patriots defense this preseason.


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[Assistant] Mac Jones, shifty in the pocket. For a rookie, that guy understands how to move in the pocket. I'm gonna take the pass.


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[Assistant] I think we should put out a, I think we should put out a poll on which one of us the audience thinks could actually beat Jake Paul in a boxing match.


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[Assistant] Oh, tomorrow on That's Good Sports, we have our annual...


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[Assistant] Awards prediction episode last year. I accurately predicted Aaron Rodgers to win MVP. I accurately predicted the Browns to make the playoffs and I accurately predicted


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[Assistant] Derek Henry to get 2,000 yards. I said he was gonna get, uh, 1,999 yards, but that was my way of saying he was gonna get 2,000, so.


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[Assistant] Just to look forward predicting the future, will I be that right again? Probably no.


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[Assistant] Brandon, you're getting Kirk Cousins and you're gonna like it. Embrace it.


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[Assistant] That's all I'm gonna say, dude. It's gonna end up, it's like you said, you wanted Kirk Cousins in 18, you ended up getting Case Keenum. Now you want Aaron Rodgers, you're gonna get Cousins.


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[Assistant] I wish he would fall. Dude. I really dude that are Kenny Pickett. Those are my two or lender bomb the center out of Iowa.


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[Assistant] Honestly, they look like the black or dark red. T uniform, the red ones tha to Iowa State. The white


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[Assistant] So I don't know how to really gauge it. It looks like the whole thing screams, please don't make me sell the team. That's all it's been. What Dan Snyder wants is just to make it so forgettable. Nobody cares about it, but I mean,


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[Assistant] Think of the nickname now. You know what we're gonna call him now? The Commies.


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[Assistant] Yes. And just watch, you renew the Dallas-Washington rivalry as I was mentioning too. You have America's team against the evil Commie Red Army.


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[Assistant] So you have that 80 propaganda angle coming in, huh?


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[Assistant] Dude, I'd rather buy, uh, wholesale football team merchandise. Or redskin merchandise.


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[Assistant] You know how people gave away bits of the brick wall, uh, the Berlin wall after that fell? Same thing. It's like, people will be hawking pieces of FedEx Field, like outside maybe the new stadium, and then I'll be like, oh, the piece of history that they had us sold for $5!


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[Assistant] He was hung over for three days after that. Have you ever seen Kona and the Barbarian?


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[Assistant] Maybe it's like that worry, just like where he, you know, he's sitting there on the throne while there's an orgy happening in the background, kind of like, you know, how Washington plays and then he just transforms into a snake and slithers away.


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[Assistant] That's like, that's a mandatory quote. Unfortunately, you're in a Congress. Correct. Then it becomes like a Title IX or an affirmative action issue. So that's a problem. You can't really do anything about it because I feel like it's more a who you know based business. It's the whole business. The whole business is who you know.


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[Assistant] Exactly. That's why none of us are getting a job in the NFL because we're average schmucks who know nobody and are pretty much useless in any common football. So I've resigned and I'm probably never going to work in the NFL and I'm fine by that.


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[Assistant] That's what's a shame is I think Flores is a good coach. It's just like, if you sue the NFL, it's like, you're done, buddy. Get out.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess he's going, and it's not a racist thing. It's just like you sued the NFL and trampled on some flowers. It's like, I'm sorry, dude. I hope he does, but I mean, unfortunately it's.


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[Assistant] I mean, that, if they figure out they're actually tampering like that, they're going to come down hard. Even though I do, I mean, anyone who saw the 2019 Dolphins knew they were blatantly tanking. All the trades they made, all the cuts, like, they made a bunch of strange moves. They're like, yeah, you're tanking. And then Flores comes in, destroys their tank by winning. I feel like Ross Resen for it.


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[Assistant] Cause they want to pop it in Josh McCall. He's a Christian boy. Didn't you know that? He's got those intentions.


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[Assistant] I think Byron Leftwich just pulled out of the coaching consideration because he just got frustrated with the whole ordeal and I don't blame him.


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[Assistant] Yep. So they can't interview them. The problem was they had an initial window to interview coaches. Jacksonville never did. They had to wait because they never gotten in that initial window.


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[Assistant] Where do I start? Steelers could never beat New England.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, Bill Belichick runs circles around Mike Tomlin, and it's like, oh god. Well...


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[Assistant] But never come to Pittsburgh again because we will get horrible flashbacks. Just don't.


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[Assistant] Well, the problem is it's hard to argue against though. Like, Flores is an uphill battle in this regard.


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[Assistant] And did you force, like, interviews with people who knew you were never gonna get anything?


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[Assistant] Okay, you put out a quota, like that goes against anything that makes business possible in this country.


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[Assistant] That's the sad, that's the balancing act you have to, like, sort of play. Because there's a part where it's like, okay.


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[Assistant] This one thing is bullshit, but if you go the other way, that's gonna be bullshit.


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[Assistant] The NFL is in a very precarious situation, and unfortunately,


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[Assistant] It's probably gonna lead to more pandering and slogans and stuff that doesn't actually matter.


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[Assistant] You could call yourself Tommy the Commie. There you go. Or you should dress-


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[Assistant] And then I'll fight people in the sidelines. That sounds like a good idea.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I had two. That was just two of them. He opened the mankini. I got like a Rod Woodson card in the mankini, yeah. You should wear the mankini.


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[Assistant] To, back at the Packers is to ask for a ton of money for the Jordan love trade.


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[Assistant] Packer's solution, after he said, I don't want to be here anymore, is, how about you stay here even longer?


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[Assistant] Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Pro football talk just says, uh, top candidates would seem to be Raiders and Broncos for Aaron Rodgers if they're interested. Raiders?


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[Assistant] Falcons are really trying to move him. They can agree to the post-June 1st trade, I believe. So maybe that's what would happen.


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[Assistant] But now wanting a full on extension, wanting max amount of money seems a little bit greedy, even for a guy as good as Aaron Rodgers.


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[Assistant] More breaking news here, Tom. It's not going to help you at all. And again, from Pro Football Talk, from unimpeachable source, as of last night, Aaron Rodgers wish list was 49ers, Broncos, Raiders, not in that order necessarily.


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[Assistant] He wanted Packers to take the 49ers offer. Next move by Rogers to be determined.


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[Assistant] Well, I was gonna say like in terms of compensation, the best the Packers can get is the trade offer from the 49ers who sit at three, where they could then take


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[Assistant] The worst thing that could happen for Tom and I is Aaron Rodgers gets traded to the Raiders.


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[Assistant] Should have picked Katra Queen. What's Aaron Rodgers history with masseuses?


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[Assistant] Because the last quarterback that tried to do this didn't really work out.


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[Assistant] Well, at first I thought it was Barry McCaukener doing a fake Ian Rappaport tweet.


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[Assistant] Just as I thought for the Adam or the Aaron Rodgers thing. Here's what I love about draft day. We're about to enter just a great night for football fans.


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[Assistant] And we are not even talking about the actual draft. We've got Aaron Rodgers drama happening, which is always great on draft day. We've got Tim Tebow taking up our morning.


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[Assistant] Uh, which he wants to play tight end. Urban Meyer will give him the chance to prove that he can be a tight end. And I'm pretty sure back in January, as soon as the Jags signed Urban Meyer, I made some


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[Assistant] Dumb joke about Teemo going to the Jags, and now I'm just desperately hoping that that does happen so I can dig up that clip and play it like I broke the news.


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[Assistant] Jimmy Garoppolo to not, uh, overthrow him in the Super Bowl, but, uh,


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[Assistant] I like to see him do well in Derek Wolf right now, uh, with the Ravens. Another guy I'm rooting for, but.


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[Assistant] Jags, they're getting Trevor Lawrence, number one. I already know you're psyched for that. But the Jags have a second pick in the first round, right? Uh, early 20s. Who do you want to, the, the Jags to target with that second pick, since we, that first one's already locked. Like, what's their need, who would make you happy at, what are they, 20, uh, 25, 25.


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[Assistant] How are you gonna feel when Gardner Minshew beats out Trevor Lawrence for the starting job in Tekken?


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[Assistant] Uh, the broncas will not be drafting in the first round, or the second round, or the third round.


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[Assistant] Or the fourth round won't be drafting in the first round next year or the year after when they realize the Broncos are Aaron Rodgers number one destination and they give Green Bay all the picks that they want. Roger signs off on the deal, comes and plays behind a pretty good offensive line.


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[Assistant] Got a revamped, good defense with a defensive minded head coach.


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[Assistant] Pat Shermer, an offensive play caller who only wants to throw the ball deep for touchdowns every single play. A nice running back in Melvin Gordon.


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[Assistant] Comes back, Rogers is going to make Patrick Mahomes look like Kirk Cousins.


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[Assistant] I'll be streaming on That's Good Sports, probably right around when the draft starts.


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[Assistant] So, everybody else will already be started, everybody else will be watching your guys' streams, but I'll sneak in there.


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[Assistant] Well, my ash is coming out with a new hemorrhoid pillow. It's a little bit more inflated and, uh, it, it likes to, it balances where my little doohickey, my little dingleberries, uh, hang out of my little rectum.


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[Assistant] Whoa, welcome back to Clickbait Sports, and I'm talking to myself because I haven't been here for a couple weeks.


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[Assistant] Tom Grassi up in the corner. Uh, Tom Grassi YouTube channel. You subscribe there. We've got Urinating Tree right up here. You subscribe there. And you've got Scooter McGruder. You subscribe to his channel. And when you subscribe to all of us...


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[Assistant] I went diplomatic. Okay, so I have not been here for two weeks.


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[Assistant] He looks, uh, like a colonial, uhm... He looks like a member of the Spanish Inquisition.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. And I literally have no idea why.


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[Assistant] He's dressed the way he is, and I'm guessing this was some sort of punishment? It was. But are we gonna bring Adam in and explain to me what the hell is going on? I think it's time.


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[Assistant] That uh, that's very revealing. I uh, I did this thing for many years on my channel called Bad Poetry, uh, featuring Philip Rivers.


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[Assistant] And it was, uh, just bad poems as if Philip Rivers was writing them and then it just evolved into me writing bad, mean poet poems about Philip Rivers. Seeing Adam do that makes me realize why nobody watched those episodes.


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[Assistant] I would've liked the Saekwon rhyme somewhere, but I'm not gonna knock you for it. I'm not gonna knock you for it. That's fair. That is fair.


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[Assistant] Oh wait, no, I just got a great idea though, Adam. You start a gaming channel called Medieval Gamer, and you talk the way you just did.


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[Assistant] So the reason Adam's dressed like Shakespeare's mistress is because he lost last week's episode. And the way one of us loses is we get the most Super Chat donations. So Adam had the most Super Chat donations. If you want to contribute to the Super Chats,


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[Assistant] That's where they go to. We're not getting to every question, reading them. It's just to punish us. And I've, I missed two straight episodes. Uh, I would have missed three if I hadn't missed two because today it was almost impossible to show up. But I have received a punishment.


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[Assistant] For missing the show, and I need you guys to explain what the hell my punishment is.


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[Assistant] A what? I mean that would be, that would be great, uh, stream material though.


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[Assistant] Yeah, literally all those times that Tom built your entire career.


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[Assistant] Do you think that, uh, Goody let, that, that compliment


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[Assistant] I think what's interesting though is Rogers is always at these things, right? Like he's not, he's never missed this stuff before. I think he wouldn't have put his $500,000 workout bonus into the voluntary things if at the time he didn't think


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[Assistant] He was, you know, not gonna be there. And it's, it's such like a little thing for him to not show up to, but it is also him


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[Assistant] For the first time, actually being able to say like...


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[Assistant] I agree with Tom, I don't think it means much that he's not there right now.


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[Assistant] But since Tom and I were waiting to make videos about this, we were definitely looking for this day to be like, oh, if he doesn't go, that's a little story. If he did show up, it would have been a huge story because everybody would be like, oh, he's coming back to the Packers, he's coming back to the Packers.


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[Assistant] I think all quarterbacks should also be NFL team GMs.


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[Assistant] And you guys have all made very excellent points.


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[Assistant] And like Scooter, I support players getting paid. The more you pay attention to the NFL, you realize how tricky that can be for the lower tier players. But what I support more than that,


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[Assistant] Getting rid of them, cutting them, trading them, because it just happened to the Broncos with Joann James. And it's going to possibly set the standard for how


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[Assistant] Players getting injured away from the facility is handled by the NFL because Broncos got out of paying him $10 million for the season.


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[Assistant] He wasn't going to play all year, so for my team, it was better for them to move on from Jawan James, right or wrong, I supported the move that helped my team. And that's like how fans actually think about it, right?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. No, that's, I mean, that's accurate.


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[Assistant] All they do is find veteran players and switch around money and make trades.


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[Assistant] You can draft a bunch of average players who are going to be better on that team.


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[Assistant] Uh, the Braungas did a, like, they had Manning, they got to the Super Bowl, and then they got their ass kicked by the Seahawks, and then...


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[Assistant] They, John Elway doubled down on the defense.


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[Assistant] And swung in free agency by bringing in Demarcus, uh, where TJ Ward, Akib Tlaib, and they got Emmanuel Sanders that free agency period. It took two seasons, but it paid off. But you have to, you have to have something there. And the Titans...


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[Assistant] Production together and the Titans are going to be the exact same team unless their defense is better.


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[Assistant] They're gonna lose in the playoffs, probably in the first or second round. It's like, it's, they're gonna be exactly the same with Julio.


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[Assistant] Hey Tom, are you in the middle of your AFC South, AFC South video?


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[Assistant] Wow. That's perfect. That's perfect.


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[Assistant] Five a day is just one. Five a day is just one. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, Quincy. I watched a lot of Quincy Carter Ball.


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[Assistant] I just wanna, I wanna say one thing to Scooter. Uhm, I just wanna know how this name makes you feel. Marco Wilson.


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[Assistant] I mean, how does people get it? Like, describe your worst sexual experience in vivid detail.


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[Assistant] I think we should, uh, just play Minesweeper every Thursday on here. And if we could become the world's biggest gaming channel and all we ever do is play Minesweeper,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When, when we get close to the football season, because there will be more people watching.


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[Assistant] I think we tried to get Tom $10,000 in super chats and he has to buy like a 1996 Honda Civic. He has to buy a car.


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[Assistant] What about that, man? How do you feel?


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[Assistant] One more thing, he has to go to the grocery store and fill up one of those hand carts with head and shoulders completely full and he has to buy all of them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and when he gives it to each person, he has to say, this album represents who I am as a human being, and this is my gift to you.


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[Assistant] Well, nobody said anything about children. All you need to do is lecture them about John Elway and they'll be put right there.


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[Assistant] I think you overrate me a little too much, but I appreciate the kudos, my friend. It's good to be back from vacation. I no longer have to deal with hotel wifi and everything's good again.


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[Assistant] I just, uh, Tom with his, uh, fantastical, uh, shampoo, but I did see it. It was fantastic and hilarious. I was laughing for about five minutes straight and I loved everything.


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[Assistant] This guy over here is Dallas Cowboys, who are going to lose by the way, against the Pecksburg Stellars. Although it's probably second team, 13, 14.


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[Assistant] Dwayne Haskins over or under throwing for 200 yards. I say over. Over!


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, well, you know what, let's go bold. You know what, if Scooter wants to be overly optimistic about the Cowboys, you know what, I might be overly optimistic about this.


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[Assistant] What will be football season then everyone can't get enough of it. And then there's about four months of where we're just sitting in a cocoon talking about football and editing all that wonderful goodness. So.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. A lot of people came out with that, uh, one announcement and said it was bunk. It was fake, but look at what Houston is, um, demanding for Deshaun Watson. You're looking at minimum three first round picks, probably a young quarterback coming the way. So are you willing to give up three first round picks, Jalen Hurts and more to get Deshaun Watson who


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[Assistant] Because the Texans have nothing else. You have to think about it. They're doing it to the point where it's like, okay, you want...


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[Assistant] Deshaun Watson, he's literally the only thing this franchise has left before we become a total joke. Even though they- you can make the argument they already are, but Deshaun Watson's the only thing keeping them stable.


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[Assistant] Tyreeko got no suspension for the same thing. Not charged with a crime, accused of domestic violence,


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[Assistant] There are three Raiders that have retired this training camp too.


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[Assistant] I would say, uhm, you can make the argument that Andrew Luck is more cursed, to be completely honest with you. Carson Wentz is a talent, he just can't stay healthy.


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[Assistant] And I've been seeing a couple Eagles fans trying to jump for joy saying they won the Carson Wentz trade. No, no, no. You have $30 million in dead cap you're dealing with and you still have to deal with Howie Roseman.


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[Assistant] Oh, I, I know, I know exactly who I'm calling. It's a certain individual, well-appendaged, former Super Bowl champion of the Philadelphia Eagles, BDN Big Dick Nick.


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[Assistant] Like his foot, if his foot's back, I think that's a pass. And if it's like straight, it's a run.


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[Assistant] Nobody's really looking at his feet, but you also have to remember at the same time, last year they did nothing but short passes, that's why nobody got to the quarterback.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm currently finishing up a vid on the MLB trade deadline. I, I know I haven't had any videos out. I just was on vacation last week, so.


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[Assistant] I had a couple streams, they didn't go too well because I was on Hotel Wifi. Thank you Hotel Wifi for being terrible by the way. But MLB Trade Deadline videos should be coming out in the next few hours. I just need to tidy up a few things on it, render it, and ship it. And I'll finally upload it out.


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[Assistant] People are crazy, man. People are absolutely crazy.


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[Assistant] I think you gotta wear that mask while wearing an entire horse outfit for the stream.


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[Assistant] I'm in full costume to do so. Tom, are you from southern England? Cause are you part welch? Cause it sounds like you're not doing all the things that we asked you to do here.


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[Assistant] Really quickly want to explain how the super chats work again.


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[Assistant] The more you donate to a certain creator that's in this stream that is running concurrently, uh, the more they are likely to get punished. And last week, Tommynism lost on a buzzer beater.


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[Assistant] Uh, and he has been forced to order a head and shoulders shampoo costume, but this week I really think that Brandon should get punished. Brandon should get punished. I agree, I feel like we need to share the love.


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[Assistant] I just want there to be a really high Steelers draft pick and then they pick somebody trash or a reach in the top five and you just lose your shit. And then you're laughing at me.


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[Assistant] And then I will laugh at you. That is what I am rooting for. That is what I am predicting to happen. The gods are punishing us for our organs. I'm going to see it into existence. Steelers three win season and the number two overall pick.


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[Assistant] I don't think, is anyone left from that boat picture? Sterling Shepherd, and that's it.


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[Assistant] Ask requested for the second time and that caused the riff.


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[Assistant] Right, and then he went and struck out the side or something and then stared at Joe Girardi like he was just walking off just like.


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[Assistant] Would you be that stupid to have anything? Like they said we're gonna crack down.


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[Assistant] And now they're doing this ridiculous show of force by inspecting players that would be idiots to bring a foreign substance out there. If I'm a baseball team, I either got that stuff on my third baseman when they strike out a batter and he's going to load it up or the catcher has it and no one inspects the catcher.


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[Assistant] The, uh, the product on the field because we can't have people in the stands. Now that they're coming back, that's fine. Uh, but yeah, baseball for the most part is always gonna be something where you just go to the park, you get drunk, you eat peanuts, you yell a bunch of shit at the umpire. Tom, what would it take for you to go to a baseball game?


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[Assistant] Quick side story, yesterday I was at my parents house and, uh, we were watching Phillies Nationals, which was one of the best games of the year. And my son was like, oh, baseball is boring, I hate baseball. And I was like, just watch this game, this is gonna be a good game. Josh Bell hits a grand slam, I was like, did you see that? He goes, I missed it.