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[Assistant] I'll make it work. I'll make it work. There is one more thing I have to mention. There is a fan of ours that sent us a message. More wholesome message, but I had a request to tell this to all five of you.


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[Assistant] When I was in the ER slash hospital in May, I had to get two blood patches done. One in the ER, the other in the hospital two days later.


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[Assistant] And I originally went to the hospital to get a spinal tap due to a condition. And spinal taps are, uh, oof, not fun business.


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[Assistant] I mean, I'm surprised they mentioned the whole name. That's probably why the Seor's lost.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, let's get outta here.


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[Assistant] I mean, what can I say that Taylor Decker


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[Assistant] Did Mike McCarthy forget to report?


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[Assistant] As eligible to be fired, Scooter. Did he forget to report? And now Jerry Jones had no reason. No excuse.


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[Assistant] To move on from one, Mike McCarthy. No, I actually, I don't even think Mike McCarthy is that bad. I just think the Cowboys...


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[Assistant] Played as well as they possibly could have this entire season. They had as much hope?


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[Assistant] And as much optimism with an improved defense?


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[Assistant] Offense was, was it the top scoring offense in the NFL? Second top scoring offense?


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[Assistant] And they still got the exact same results. And that, that might sound promising.


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[Assistant] But you had the best version of your team you could ask for.


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[Assistant] And they still lost in the first round to the Packers. Now the Packers might go on and win this. You better pray the Packers win this week.


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[Assistant] Because if the 49ers embarrass the Packers, then...


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[Assistant] Then, what do you do, Scooter? How can you blow up something that nobody wants to blow up?


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[Assistant] What I was trying to say is this was your guys' window. You're not gonna get better. The team's just not gonna get better.


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[Assistant] And you're gonna lose even, even worse next year.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, you can't, you probably can't think that that can happen. But this is, it's gonna get worse from here. It's gonna get worse! That's all.


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[Assistant] It was pretty bad and now you know how bad it can be and you're prepared for it to be just as bad.


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[Assistant] I think Tree just gave the greatest insult. Is it worse that we actually feel sorry for you, Scooter?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Dobbs got open. We saw that in the Texans-Browns game too. Uhm, there's a few plays where just like, if-


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[Assistant] All season, I felt like we watched really good defenses limit.


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[Assistant] Good offenses. And midway through the season, we were complaining about


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[Assistant] The games are all kind of low scoring. They're kind of ugly. And then playoff weekend, all of these defenses that were supposed to be good, just got, got it handed to them. Like the Browns defense looked horrible. The Cowboys defense looked horrible. The Eagles defense just refused to like tackle at all. It was the complete opposite of


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[Assistant] I think the Cowboys and Eagles should just trade head coaches this year. It's a straight up trade. McCarthy for Sirianni. Let's see what happens.


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[Assistant] Well, it's time to lower expectations. Maybe that will help everything.


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[Assistant] I respect the decision from Jerry, actually. I think like it's easy to get lost in...


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[Assistant] What you, it's so easy to see what the public's consensus is, and what the media's consensus is, uhm, and I think like what we've criticized Jerry for is some knee-jerk reactions in the past that have felt like they've been motivated by those things, and I get like,


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[Assistant] If Dallas had just lost that game, it's a lot easier to be like, you know what? They played a good game. It's the playoffs. Shit happens.


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[Assistant] It's, it's so hard to justify the way that Dallas just got out coached, out played.


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[Assistant] For coaches, specifically for head coaches and for someone who has watched head coach after head coach after head coach come in and fail. They're supposed to fix anything. Like I would kill to be 12 and 5 and then be the joke of the playoffs every year.


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[Assistant] And like what we're nitpicking is Mike McCarthy not being able to figure it out for.


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[Assistant] One or two games at the very, very end of the season, right? Last year they, they won and then they lost. They, they won the first one last year, right? And they lost. So to me, it's like.


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[Assistant] Unless you actually can get a guy you believe is 100% an upgrade over Mike McCarthy.


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[Assistant] And we think that guy is Bill Belichick. I would like to believe that based on his history, but I'm not sure he is actually that.


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[Assistant] I would argue Grable is a bigger upgrade, maybe right now, which might be a weird thing to say, but like if you're not sure you can land that guy in this cycle, this is, there's a lot of vacancies right now and the, and obviously the Cowboys would probably be a lot of those guys's first choice.


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[Assistant] I think the smarter move, even though it's not popular, is to just do it one more year with McCarthy. If it's the same results then...


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[Assistant] You got an easy fire and then you move on. It's like this.


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[Assistant] The cowboys are too good for, for clicks and that is a problem for the overreaction, which is also what makes it so entertaining when your team loses.


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[Assistant] Man, it's, it's so easy to say that the Ravens will win.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I feel like we're gonna see one of the two top teams not win. Uh, it feels like we're just, we're too set on the idea that the Ravens and the 49ers are actually that much better than, uh, everybody else. Uhm, ah, fudge.


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[Assistant] I, the Ravens defense is too good. They're not going to have Marlon Humphrey, we learned today. I think that, you know, stings a little bit.


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[Assistant] Uh, but the Broncos, they, they competed with Houston and they got after, uh, CJ Stroud. They sacked him five times. I think the Ravens, did they finish the season like the most sacks?


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[Assistant] So as much as I want to take the Texans, I want, I believe CJ Stroud is good enough to upset him. Uh, I think he's, he's playing better than Lamar Jackson right now. I'll say that.


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[Assistant] But I think the Ravens still win. They're just, they're so balanced. They're so balanced.


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[Assistant] Uh, unless Justin Tucker misses a field goal, maybe, maybe. But I'm going Ravens.


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[Assistant] For Tom's sake, I'm gonna pick the 49ers cause I picked against them last week. They won. I want the Packers to win. I really do.


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[Assistant] I want to see a Packers Lions championship game. I think that's be the most entertaining thing we could all enjoy. So a hundred percent 49ers, not even close. We're going to smash the Packers.


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[Assistant] The script. The Fleur script versus Shanahan script. Whoever gets that offensive drive first.


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[Assistant] The Lions are gonna give up some passes, but they will tackle after they give up those giant gains.


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[Assistant] Josh Allen would have gotten Jason Garrett a Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] They're going to get Rasool Douglas back. First of all, that's a guaranteed pick six.


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[Assistant] Terrell Bernard might be playing through that sprained ankle, so they need him there. I'm just gonna say this.


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[Assistant] It's going to be the worst loss the Kansas City Chiefs have in the playoffs to this date. And it will be the worst loss they have while Patrick Mahomes is their quarterback for the remainder of his stupid career in Kansas City. It's going to be worse than the Colts.


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[Assistant] This is going to be my Mahomes worst loss. His. Mahomes. Bills are going to bitch slap him. That's what I'm saying.


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[Assistant] 136. What'd you get Scoots? Yeah, Scoots!


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[Assistant] And you have to build a waste level microwave so it's accurate.


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[Assistant] I posted a fun little short about how the Cowboys officially tied the Minnesota Vikings for most playoff losses ever.


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[Assistant] No, I actually said, you know what, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm going to take it easy on Dallas cause...


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[Assistant] Can I add some more interesting things to talk about? I already talked about it. There are some heartbreaking losses. Okay.


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[Assistant] Uh, Italian America's team is 3-0, baby. And, uh, yeaah, we are living large. Tommy Cutlets is here to play the football! And he is legit.


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[Assistant] Uh, I will take, I'll give a take. First of all, uhm, the eagle secondary is banged up.


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[Assistant] So I knew that was going to be a bad matchup. CDLAM8.


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[Assistant] And whoever the other receiver is, is fine. Whatever. Then you ran the ball really well. Yeah. Yeah, some guy named Brandon Cooks. You ran the ball well. It was an ass-whippin'. We all laughed.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of smack to be talked. A lot of, a little quieter.


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[Assistant] Coming out of the Eagles camp. The one thing that makes it all funny is neither of you guys can beat the 49ers. So...


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[Assistant] What? Oh, it's going straight to Netflix? That's gonna be awesome.


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[Assistant] Come on, coming to America was garbage, and that was a layup. Like, there was no way to mess that up. By the way,


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[Assistant] They did nail it with, uh, Eddie Murphy, one of my favorite scenes where he says, the giants of New York beat the packers of Green Bay.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, so a lot of people are giving credit to Wink Martindale for his scheme, uhm, which I can give, I mean, he's a blitz, like he's gonna run a lot of blitzes, but Jordan Love in the first half just looked bad.


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[Assistant] And it wasn't like he either read the blitzes or saw them or just didn't know what he was doing. He was, he looked very confused. He was bad. He was, he had time to throw. He just made some bad throws. And then that last drive, like after the Packers scored, I was like, uh, you know, we got a rookie quarterback.


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[Assistant] I un, unproven, but you know, every time they pan to his agent.


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[Assistant] In the stands. It did give him strength. And Tommy Cutlets, he's got that New York, New Jersey bravado. I think, you know, he drove from Long Island from his mother's basement into Rutherford.


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[Assistant] But it was, it was very smart from, uh, Kafka. Like the drive started out with a lot of underneath stuff, a lot of runs actually, and it caused the Packers to kind of creep up to the line because the Giants were going to, it was going to be a death of a thousand cutlets.


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[Assistant] Y'all can use that if you want. Uh, then finally when they crept up into the box, that's when DeVito burnt him. So credit to him for being an NFL quarterback, a rookie that recognized that and we got it done, which almost never happens in New York.


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[Assistant] It's, it was usually, it's usually us getting, Daniel Jones tries to lead that drive, he gets sacked in the first three plays.


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[Assistant] So I got on Zillow and I saw a very nice house, uh, listed for sale in Northern Jersey and, uh, it was shaped like an N-line. No, I don't- Listen.


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[Assistant] You just keep them. That's what you do. Like, you have the luxury of, you have a guy that's signed who's supposedly your guy. You make them battle and camp. Look, Devito...


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[Assistant] At some point they're going to figure out why Tommy DeVito wasn't a high first round pick, right? Like there's, there's going to be a weakness that they're going to expose.


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[Assistant] He wasn't worth it. He did not look like a 40 million dollar quarterback. He, all the things that you're concerned about, his head, when his internal clock, when he drops back, uh, even his athletic, like his running wasn't even there, like, and his throws were awful. So.


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[Assistant] If you, again, if I said this last week, if you look at the film of DeVito, it's not all that impressive and a lot of people are huffing that copium because he's won three games in a row. Let's, let's pump it up.


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[Assistant] They're selling jerseys, okay? A lot of Italian Americans are copping his jersey, but uhm, yeaah.


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[Assistant] I've been trying to hear you. I think the situation is above Snooki or, uh... Wow.


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[Assistant] Who is the most prominent Italian out there?


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[Assistant] I just, I just want to say one thing as a Giants fan, all this slander for Kaderius Tony, that's crossing a line.


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[Assistant] Don't all go at once. Listen. Go ahead, Tom. Were you gonna say something?


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[Assistant] Oh, as an expert on Bill Belichick, I've watched him blossom as a former Giants assistant. Uhm, and then I watched him become the head coach of the New York Jets for 10 minutes.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, also coach the Cleveland Browns and then win a lot of games with Tom Brady. Look, the man can coach.


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[Assistant] Okay, so if he's gonna have his quarterbacks!


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[Assistant] Okay, he took Mac, he dragged Mac Jones to the playoffs. It's not like he can't do this. Okay? Uh, yeaah, I think...


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[Assistant] Wherever he goes, he is going to need a top flight quarterback because he's not a coach, well, other than the Matt Castle year, he's not a coach like Bill Parcell because


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[Assistant] Bill Parcells and, uh, Joe Gibbs both won without elite quarterback play because they didn't need it back then. Now, Kyle Shanahan might be the best example of a coach that can win without elite QBing. I mean, he took Jimmy Garoppolo to a Super Bowl, but wherever Bellatrix goes,


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[Assistant] And, uh, it's gonna be a lot of openings next year. I don't know how many Super Bowl ready teams are firing their coaches. So we'll see. There'll be plenty.


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[Assistant] Drag an average team to the playoffs, but I think he, if he's going to leave the Patriots, he's going to pull his own Tom Brady.


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[Assistant] Sao Paulo is so populated, like, trust me. And it's actually probably a nicer city than Rio. Anyways, uhm.


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[Assistant] How long until the NFL goes to Saudi Arabia for like a billion dollars?


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[Assistant] Three years. Look at that, Tom.


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[Assistant] I'm so angry that he didn't play hockey, right? Like he would be the greatest hockey player. His name is Easton Stick.


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[Assistant] I'm going Chargers because the Raiders got shut out in their own building in an indoor game. 3-0.


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[Assistant] In the worst possible- this game is gonna be so ugly, it's- it's going to- someone might adopt it.


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[Assistant] This is gonna be one of those games where they just go off and it's gonna be like 34 to 24. Quentin Johnston.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, maybe the refs call a bunch of penalties that they don't normally call, and uhm, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yes, I just don't believe that the Raiders can be that bad. Like they've been working all four days on moving the ball. That's fair. NFL players.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that's too fun. But that's not actual punishment for Brandon.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he would. He would enjoy. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's either Jess or you, Brandon.


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[Assistant] The most, yeah, okay. There you go. A lot of cheese stuff coming your way.


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[Assistant] I have a major update to why you can't keep a football that goes into the stands and the reason why you cannot will blow your mind. And it's very


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[Assistant] Awesome, what I've researched and in fact there's a plot twist in this video.


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[Assistant] You know that? You know you cannot keep a football that goes into the, they will threaten to arrest you.


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[Assistant] I did not know that. You did not know that. Sounds like the NFL. But the reason why is not what you think.


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[Assistant] Alright ladies and gentlemen. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Brandon, are both your parents Italian?


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[Assistant] The thing with a jersey without shoulder pads is like nobody looks good in a jersey, in just a jersey. Like even the movie, was it Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper is in an Eagles jersey and he looks like crap.


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[Assistant] Okay, alright, we're seven, eight weeks into the NFL season. We're almost at the halfway point. We got the trade deadline coming up, but.


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[Assistant] Uh, the topic of the show today is QB Debates.


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[Assistant] If there's anything you guys want to talk about beforehand, I think, uhm,


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[Assistant] Speaking of QB debates, uh, Kyler Murray actually practiced.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I just know that he was a full participant in practice. I don't know anything else besides that.


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[Assistant] That's funny. That's really funny. Oh, from the top row from Brandon Perna on, which is funny because, you know, you're about as tall as Kyler Murray, so.


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[Assistant] I think, see the problem with Murray is like, what is the value for playing him?


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[Assistant] You know, for nine weeks when you really know that you're gonna move on from here.


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[Assistant] Brockford is not mid. What would you rate Taylor Swift out of ten? Just looks alone.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry, but okay, Champ Bailey has a great name, but is there a better name than Dick Lane? Like, it's just, it's just right there. The name is Dick Lane.


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[Assistant] Bajant vs. Fields. How bad did Tyson Bajant make Justin Fields?


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[Assistant] Still, like, if you, I went through and watched the tape and watched the highlights, like Bajan was athletic, he was confident, he made some good throws, he looked like he understood the offense better than Fields does. And if you look at Fields' tape,


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[Assistant] From this year, like Fields has looked lost. He was, like I said, he looked like a, he looks like a toddler without his parents in a shopping mall. He looks.


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[Assistant] Bad. Now, it could be the Raiders effect, don't get me wrong, and apparently according to Cole commit, they were jet lagged. Like, you could tell that they were gassed. Did you see that clip? Uhm, but like,


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[Assistant] Do they actually have a problem here with Justin Field versus Beijing or is this just a red herring?


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[Assistant] Like that could be an even bigger debate because the bears are definitely going to be in the top two.


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[Assistant] The one thing that works against fields is so easy to dump them. Like he's so easy to break up with.


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[Assistant] Whoa, you're going to drop down Adam. Look at that nice scarf you got there. It's very nice. Are you going to display the chat at all?


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[Assistant] Who invented the scarf? They were just like, hey, here hang yourself with this. Now you're warm.


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[Assistant] Like, Watson has missed games under B. John Robinson level mysterious circumstances. And now...


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[Assistant] P.J. Walker's played well enough. Does Watson ever come back?


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[Assistant] No, no, the disturbing thing is like, this is a playoff team. Like they should in all, I mean, even with PJ Walker, if they roll with him for the, this team should make the playoffs, their defense.


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[Assistant] of, of organic material because he is not a human being. Like he is like six whatever and just ripped out of his mind and just bowls over.


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[Assistant] Like they would be talked about as a Super Bowl contender and, and in a feel good way, for sure.


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[Assistant] They could still, like it, I'm sorry, like they, for their defense, like that's what you need for a late run.


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[Assistant] Nope. Here's the last debate.


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[Assistant] And Daniel Jones. I will let you guys have your opinions and I'll give you mine at the end as the sole Giants fan here. Good thing Scooter's not here because he would just lay into me.


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[Assistant] You know, I will weigh in here with...


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[Assistant] Some very cordial nice things to say. All of you guys are idiots. You're fucking stupid.


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[Assistant] Like you don't have to throw the ball deep when Saquon's in your backfield because he draws so much attention. Secondly, the offensive line that Tyrod has in front of him is not even the same that they started with. Andrew Thomas has been hurt. Justin Pugh was signed off the street. Glowinski has been trashed.


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[Assistant] Incrementally getting better. Evan Neal is a turnstile and he's hurt. Like the guys that are out there right now are not the guys that Daniel Jones was gonna go to war with. And in the game that Jones looked the worst, he got hurt.


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[Assistant] And he will be the starter because they paid him 40 million and that's just what he, that's what's going to happen. But he is objectively the better quarterback than Tyrod Taylor.


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[Assistant] He will start throwing the ball deep to the new weapon that we've discovered, Jalen Hyatt. And you will see that he's a confident quarterback. Okay? He is not garbage.


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[Assistant] And now he's got a guy in Hyatt that can actually burn.


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[Assistant] So, you will see a much better Daniel Jones when he comes out on the field. There is no debate. This is all fabricated by the media and people like idiots like us that need something to talk about. There's no debate here.


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[Assistant] Like it's really, it was a very giant friendly quarterback. Like everyone's like, oh, 40 million, 40 million. Yeah, it's really, it's really a kind of a front loaded contract that's easy to walk away from.


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[Assistant] They've, they've played some, hold on, let me look at the schedule. He's probably going back to see you though.


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[Assistant] Unfortunately, like okay, the Giants have the Jets, the Ra- and the Raiders, so.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's a very real stretch, like, then we have the Cowboys, which is an L, and then, but we have the Commanders, Patriots, Packers, Saints.


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[Assistant] And they could be over 500 by the time that they take on these.


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[Assistant] This season is salvageable for the Giants and that's why I have not hit the panic button because we do have a soft little spot here in the middle of the season for, to play teams that we should be able to beat, especially if the defense is going to play like they did against the commanders.


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[Assistant] Tom, would you rather have Russell Wilson or George?


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[Assistant] Brandon, if the Broncos beat the Chiefs, you need to make for merch a shirt that just says football boner. Like you just need to make that a merch. Just says football.


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[Assistant] Right, I just talked about gambling lines. The bills are favored by nine and a half, so very much Vegas thinks that the bills are going to win this game.


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[Assistant] That's not a trap line, really. The problem, you know, trap lines are like...


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[Assistant] If the bills were just minus one, that would be a trap line.


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[Assistant] Okay, that was too weird for all of you, but uhm, maybe.


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[Assistant] Like, I think you should have to stream from your kitchen, Tom, and just make muffins during the show in an apron.


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[Assistant] Like, ooh, he should have to wear a Kiss the Cook apron.


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[Assistant] Alright, you do it from your kitchen, you just bring a laptop down there, and a camera, and you make... I just gotta remember, I gotta make sure...


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[Assistant] Brandon. It's gonna be full of hate.


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[Assistant] Okay, I've got the most cursed sports state in the union.


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[Assistant] So which is, what is the worst sports state out of all 50 states?


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[Assistant] Uh, they hired Mario Schottenheimer, they signed Dion Sanders, and they brought in all this talent. And they were like, yeah, we're going on a Super Bowl run. Or remember when the Eagles did the same thing? They brought in like, Kande Asawa. Yeah. That's what the Mets season was. I'm explaining this in football terms. And imagine though,


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[Assistant] And that's what the Mets are doing. They signed two pitchers for a total of, I think,


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[Assistant] Uhm, for me, I always feel for the running backs. I think they should get every dollar, but...


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[Assistant] If you sign a contract, you are held to that contract. Paperwork is paperwork.


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[Assistant] And, uh, that's why we are, if our, if nobody honors a contract, then our entire legal system breaks down. So, uh, on the other hand, I just kind of feel, you know, he might be, uh, out of pocket with his comments. Those are, you know, maybe he just could have, should have kept his mouth shut, but, um, contracts are contracts. That's how I feel about somebody else say something.


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[Assistant] Look at that face. That is, that is, uh, I'm getting Travis Scott. What's that picture of the guy that's


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[Assistant] You'll have to drum out, uh, Mike McCarthy's game plan.


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[Assistant] Sound like one of those, like that. Anyways.


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[Assistant] It was just fine, maybe back up. Go over by the drum kit and just talk loudly.


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[Assistant] No, I don't want to see his redemption arc. He's such a little punk. Brandon, I have to ask you a question. What 80s...


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[Assistant] Who else you got? Anybody else? Nine people, that's it.


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[Assistant] Okay, I will say this, this is another example of Ronde Barber being the favorite twin, right? Because he gets in, he wins a Super Bowl. Uh, Tiki.


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[Assistant] Tiki retires the year before the Giants win the Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] And then Ronde gets inducted into the Hall of Fame. Tiki is a good running back, but he will never be a Hall of Fame running back. So Ronde, once again, big carrot over the little carrot of Tiki. Sorry Tiki, you're an identical twin, but you chose to run the ball.


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[Assistant] Wow, you sound normal! You sound amazing! Let's go! Are you in the bathroom right now?


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[Assistant] We're talking about the Hall of Flame, Hall of Flame, Hall of Fame class for 2023. Uh, you got Ronde Barber, uh, Don Coriel.


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[Assistant] Chuck Howley, Joe Kleko, Derell Revis, Revis, Ken Riley, Joe Thomas, Overdue, Zach Thomas, Demarcus Ware, of course. Who is your favorite out of these?


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[Assistant] Yeah, hell. Him and uh, Takeo Spikes. Takeo made it 15 years though.


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[Assistant] And he should- Is Takeo Spike in the Hall of Fame? He should- He is not, unfortunately. Takeo Spike should be in the Hall of Fame. For sure. For sure. Anyways.


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[Assistant] I will say I did like Demarcus Ware as a Bronco. I hated him as a cowboy because he was menacing. Like he... He's good.


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[Assistant] That under move that he basically invented where he would just pop up and just knock some poor offensive tackle on his A? Like...


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[Assistant] He innovated at that edge rush position, he really did.


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[Assistant] Resume, right? Like, he was so integral to them winning.


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[Assistant] That Super Bowl. Like that Super Bowl, I was just about to get into it. Super Bowl 50. He was, I mean, he beat Cam Newton up. Him and Von Miller. They were just all over the place. And he was a big part. So if you're looking at two identical careers, like that's the juice that takes him.


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[Assistant] Over, right? Like, his role in the Super Bowl. It's kinda like, who was better though? Like, oh, there's a different question. Michael Strahan or Demarcus Ware? Who had a better career?


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[Assistant] I have some news. I have some news out of Giants Camp. Apparently the most newsworthy thing is that Jalen Hyatt can run 24 miles an hour.


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[Assistant] Well, he'll work on that. I mean, he obviously went to the Evan Ingram School of Catching Football.


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[Assistant] Yes, so, him and Christian Kirk. Jalen Hyatt, apparently he's a burner. And for them to get him that late, he'll work on the hands, he'll work on the hands. But the one thing that always bothers me is Daniel Jones.


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[Assistant] Like, you hear a lot of receivers talk about what quarterbacks' balls they like catching. And uhm,


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[Assistant] Kirk Cousins apparently is like a really nice ball that receivers like to catch. Like you don't hear about receivers saying


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, Daniel Jones ball, there's nothing like it. Like I've never heard a receiver come out and kind of say that. Like obviously someone like Aaron Rodgers who just drops it right in there. Like there's, there's, there's certain quarterbacks that, that receivers talk about because as a, as a player of football, like you, you, you develop these preferences and, uh, nobody talks about, uh, um, Daniel Jones's ball, plural.


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[Assistant] That's it, that's all I've seen is that Jalen Hyatt is fast. Congratulations.


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[Assistant] Should we make a bet on that though? Should there be a bet involving whether Dak throws 10 or more interceptions?


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[Assistant] Which animal mascot would be the scariest to actually have let loose in a stadium? Which one would you be the most? A hippo?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but what if it's a gentle giant, though? Like, it could be gregarious, you know? Like, with a Bengal tiger, you know it wants to eat you. Like, for sure. It's pretty hungry.


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[Assistant] Well yeaah, I would not want to get a little hape, hape action. Uhm, I guess a Buffalo Bill, like just some guy named Bill just comes out there.


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[Assistant] Alright, can we wrap this show up because we've kinda run out of things to talk about.


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[Assistant] Jess, alright, like this is- Twitter jokes about moms that are gonna get the most W's tonight.


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[Assistant] I've actually analyzed this. I've said this probably every year that we've done this show. Uhm.


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[Assistant] If your team plays in the Hall of Fame game this extra week of preseason, no team has ever made the Super Bowl from that cohort.


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[Assistant] And I believe the percentage of just making the playoffs.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, well, A-Raj is gonna have trouble.


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[Assistant] How bad does Aaron Rodgers have to be, like, 0 TDs, 11 picks for them to really consider?


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[Assistant] Like, how bad would it have to be before a reasonable jet fan is actually calling for...


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[Assistant] I don't disagree. That's like a double, triple negative. It's like, it's like saying, nah.


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[Assistant] Uuuh. That's a backup. That's a backup.


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[Assistant] Alright, I agree, I'll go kensong. Alright, we'll do the kensong. Ooh, treat with a mustache.


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[Assistant] And do what? Go to Walmart with it on? What is the point of that?


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[Assistant] I have one of the longest videos I've done in a long time. It is a collab with this man, Tom Grosse.


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[Assistant] Critiquing all 30 NFL stadiums. It has been a labor of love. I'm gonna try to get it out tonight.


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[Assistant] Yes, we have a full on, as they say in golf.


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[Assistant] How many wins, Scooter, for the, uhm, Florida Gators this year? Call it, since we're talking predictions.


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[Assistant] Oh no, somebody was driving past. I live in the city now, so somebody was just driving past.


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[Assistant] That means you'd have to get like a G, you know, to make it work.


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[Assistant] Alright, I'm going with the bills for the AFCs.


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[Assistant] Okay, they're just incumbent. They're the default setting in that division. I really like the Dolphins this year. I really, really like the Dolphins and that nerd Mike McDaniel.


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[Assistant] I think the Jets might actually make the play, well, we'll predict Wild Cards, but I just think the Bills are the most talented team in that division and they have Josh Allen, so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, all we need is one more Bills prediction and they win it, so.


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[Assistant] And you could theoretically have all four teams go to the playoffs from one division.


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[Assistant] And they're sticking, what if a Corkle Jones gets hurt?


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[Assistant] Okay, uh, I'm going with the Bengals just because, uh, joker is healthy at all, he's well rested, so put it in the graphic as the Bengals. I don't need to repeat any of your crap.


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[Assistant] I will say the Browns. Gotta be the Brownies. I gotta pray that I just want Deshaun Watson to just do that.


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[Assistant] How many receivers have been on their third stint and just had a resurgent in their career outside of like Randy Moss? I mean, even, even so, like Randy Moss, he,


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[Assistant] Have you ever seen sports science when the guy lets like an NFL player hit him and he flies up into the air? That would be you, Brandon, but like in some comical situation where you just continue to float up into the air.


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[Assistant] I think Deuce Vaughn would stiff arm me into Bolivia. Like I would just, like he would just, you ever, you ever have like an exhibition at your middle school where the wrestling team from the high school would come and they would just school every eighth grader on earth. Like even the littlest guy would just pick up.


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[Assistant] Raiders. Raiders. Raiders. Easy. Broncos have to be better than last year. They have to be.


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[Assistant] Now we need three playoff teams. I say the Dolphins, uh, I say the Chargers, and I say the Ravens.


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[Assistant] Because they went out and won the division, but I am going to predict.


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[Assistant] I'm going to Lion, so mark the Lions, Brandon, in your little spreadsheets.


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[Assistant] I think the Broncos will have a better record than the Packers. They cannot be bad. As, as bad as last year.


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[Assistant] I like the Niners, I'm gonna pick the Niners, but I can see Gino and the resurgent Gino Smith winning that division with uh, Pete Carroll pulling a couple rabbits out of his hat.


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[Assistant] Well, with, with Brock Purdy, like, he doesn't do much. I mean, he's, he's really had, runs a simple offense and his ability to throw and his ability to read and do the hot reads, like, those I don't think can just regress.


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[Assistant] Like, but if his arm is jacked and he can't, and he literally has no elbow, like Steven Strasburg, like then it's, then it's a problem. Cause then, who's his ankle? Sam Darnold. Yeah, Sam Darnold. And then Brandon Allen. And Trey Lance is gone. So don't even worry about that.


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[Assistant] Alright, playoff teams, conference champions, Super Bowls.


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[Assistant] Stop epic. Bold prediction. Wow, he's got the Ravens going through the gauntlet. Brandon. Ravens going through it.


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[Assistant] Smiling in heaven from that pick.


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[Assistant] Go on. And then it'll be the Niners versus the...


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[Assistant] The Dolphins. The Dolphins will somehow get to the Super Bowl and it'll just be a rematch of the Dan Marino, Joe Montagna.


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[Assistant] When was the last time that's happened though, where the interim was made the permanent? When was the last time? Not often. It doesn't happen that often.


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[Assistant] I have the worst NFL stadiums of all time.


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[Assistant] You know what we see here? Unlike you guys, I see winners.


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[Assistant] Like your defense, your justifications are full of holes and give up every play. This is your final warning. And further humiliation to the Bears means we will have to cut you off. We will not be going to Disneyland.


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[Assistant] And we will not be extending Sean Payton. You will be stuck dealing with his dead cat.


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[Assistant] To close, I wrote a poem in protest of your philandering. Roses are red. Violets are blue. The Broncos gave up 70 points. Fuck you.


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[Assistant] You need to go to rehab and the only way for rehab is to become a Chiefs fan. I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] 96. Broncos, Jags, 96? Dude, you would have better dignity watching Raheem Moore over and over again. Come on.


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[Assistant] No, what works, because you can't do, uh, just like, uh, you go into a communist meeting, it's the same thing, you're both afraid of the red zone. Say Cowboys going Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] Even the commies beat Arizona. Let's be real, dude. Come on.


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[Assistant] Question is, can you stop K9 and can you stop DK? Those are your two questions about the Seattle Offhounds.


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[Assistant] They are down both their tackles. Abraham Cross is on IR, or Charles Cross is on, uh, injured. And then Abe Lucas is on IR too, so.


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[Assistant] Uh, green law is also day-to-day as well, but uh, probably, well, it's not as banged up as the ravens. Let's just put it that way.


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[Assistant] They at least have an offense with Saquon and their defense can clamp up Russell Wilson pretty easily.


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[Assistant] Take off that comment. Let's see that tushy tushy.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, well you have to remember last week they put out, they put out Blaine Gabbagabbert and the offense went to crap and that's how Justin Fields got his pity touchdown last week so they may just be resting guys. Uh, Mahomes was a little hobbled up last week so maybe they just want to rest him up a little bit.


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[Assistant] I see the greatest miracle of all time. Kenny Pickett going back in the pocket, throwing a rainbow.


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[Assistant] Deep ball beating both coverage uses Calvin Austin. I'm just sitting there like, we can throw deep. Oh my god.


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[Assistant] It's just like the greatest revelation in the world. The Steelers put up 20 points. To be fair, one of the worst defenses in the NFL and Minkovitz Patrick had a terrible roughing the passer call against him, but


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[Assistant] This guy, 4th and 4, near the goal. They are pretty much charging towards the end zone. Duke kicks a field goal.


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[Assistant] To go down by five, trusts his bad defense to make a stop and they don't.


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[Assistant] telepathically predicting when a play call. He did play Buffalo's defense, so he had like nine rushes for negative two yards. And in this game, he didn't really do much either. The real question


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[Assistant] Not good. It's Everson Griffin on steroids. You remember when he like had that weird situation a couple years ago? It's like that.


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[Assistant] Could the Broncos also be massive sellers? What do the Broncos have to sell? That's what I'm saying. No, you're not getting a first for Judy.


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[Assistant] You see in this quote by Yolo Swaggins, Tyreek ran the wrong route and he still scores.


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[Assistant] Not just the play calling. That's the O-line play. It's the receiver play. Like even like Devin White's coming out and saying they're not using DJ more properly. It's week two.


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[Assistant] I will say this, they're probably going to charge in the middle of the fourth quarter. They get down to the goal line, third and goal, one second left.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, honestly at this rate, Brandon's gonna be swimming with the fishes.


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[Assistant] I got 202.11, which I know did not lose. 174.75. I did not lose. So you know what? I'm a happy man. Brandon versus five.


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[Assistant] I will say, um, I do have, uh, Red's, uh, Pirates Red's greatest game that should be out later tonight or early tomorrow. And then MLB postseason haters guide early next week followed by baseball.


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[Assistant] I'm actually able to do baseball content barely, but it's...


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[Assistant] Teddy is! Don't you knock Teddy down, Johnny!


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[Assistant] Teddy two gloves. Yep. Uh huh. Oh my god, that's amazing. Alright, Brown.


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[Assistant] I'm in a staring contest with the audience and I'm winning. I haven't blinked since the show started. Liar. No, dead serious.


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[Assistant] Ladies and gentlemen, we got a great show lined up for you tonight. Coming onto the stage next. Oh man. This guy has over 500,000 subscribers on YouTube. He has been featured in all the best places. America's most wanted list on the no-fly list. Ladies and gentlemen,


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[Assistant] Your hometown and local ginzer won urinating free.


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[Assistant] By the way, yeaah, because 5 hasn't been fi-uh, has not been punished in September.


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[Assistant] The Ravens came out and said there's a 200% chance that Lamar is staying with them.


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[Assistant] He said if they don't make a deal, they're just going to franchise tag him and then try to work on a deal after that. It's probably going to be a franchise tagging trade.


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[Assistant] If there's an upset that's gonna happen this weekend, I think it's gonna be one of the NFC East games. Uhm, so like I think the Cowboys could theoretically beat the 49ers if they air the ball out and they actually, like, I don't know, stop that pass rush.


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[Assistant] For the Eagles game, I think it will be a lot closer. I think it's going to look a bit more like the week 18 game. I know that the Giants rested their starters, but I know they were more competitive in that game than they were the first time that they took on Jalen Hurts this, uh, this season. So yeah, I think it's going to be a physical game.


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[Assistant] There's just, you're asking a lot of that defense. Like, Dex, they're gonna have to get after Jalen Hurch, which is not an easy thing to do, because for the most part, the Eagles offensive line has been pretty darn good. So, this'll be tough, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna pick the Eagles in a close game.


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[Assistant] What I was gonna say is like, so the way that I looked at it, because neither team nor the Bills or the Bengals looked great last weekend, right? But I think the quality of the opponent,


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[Assistant] That the bangles faced was better than what you got from the Dolphins. Because the Dolphins defense, like they showed up definitely.


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[Assistant] So I, I think that just like the quality was a bit better. I think that the Bengals red zone defense is.


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[Assistant] Pretty damn good. Uhm, and the thing I just, that makes me real nervous about the Bills, is they turn the ball over, and they have just like, they are living and dying by Josh Allen. Josh Allen will throw a 50 yard touchdown to Stephon Diggs, and then the next drive through a terrible interception. And like, it's just that consistency, and in the Bengals game, like Borough, uh, or the Bengals Ravens game,


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[Assistant] Burrow just didn't turn the ball over against a better defense than what the Dolphins have. So like I just, I like the Bengals right now. I just wouldn't think it's, it's fine. That's a lot. Um, but yeah, no, I picked the Bengals to win this weekend.


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[Assistant] I am going with the Chiefs. They will then make their fifth straight AFC Championship game.


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[Assistant] You really, I mean, cause with your own logic, Trevor Lawrence has longer hair than Dak, so he has more power and more strength, so he should be able to win the game against another team that wears red.


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[Assistant] If you're ever standing in the middle of an open field trying to give your energy, uh, in a spirit bomb like motion and skip bailuses standing next to you, you're in the wrong place. So I don't, I don't know about that.


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[Assistant] Okay, so the Sunday night game, you got the Dallas Cowboys taking on the San Francisco 49ers.


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[Assistant] I know. I kind of agree with Scooter. Rock Pretty has not seen a defense, uh, like the Dallas Cowboys. That defense giving up the second most points scored by the Green Bay Packers this season. He has not seen that kind of level of terrible defense. Now I will say, I will say, the Cowboys team that showed up last week, or showed up on Monday,


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[Assistant] They are, but they were efficient. Uh, they had a great game plan. They actually gave it to their better running back, Tony Pollard, and they sprinkled in Zeke when that's what they exactly should do. They went with the hot hand.


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[Assistant] Then, Dak, he was phenomenal, and more importantly, he did not make any mistakes, which he is prone to making, and the defense actually, you know, didn't whiff and suck. So...


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[Assistant] Put all those things together, you have a very efficient football team. Can they carry that from week to week and now going up against a really, really good defensive line?


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[Assistant] That's gonna be the difficulty there because you gotta keep Dak protected. You gotta be able to run the ball, which are two things that are tough to do against the 49ers. If they are, they can take advantage of that secondary because that's the one weak spot on the 49ers team. I think it's actually a pretty darn close game, but I do pick the 49ers to win.


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[Assistant] Scooter, you- I'm not gonna try to fool you here. Would you say that the Cowboy's offense can be electric?


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[Assistant] Just yes or no? Yes. Yes, great. You see, Brock Purdy shares the name, first name Brock, which is the same first name as a Pokemon Gym Leader who used what type? Rock type Pokemon, which Electric is weak against. So, I'm sorry, these just be the facts.


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[Assistant] And he said they were electric. You know, I gave him a shot. He could have said, no, it could have been water if they're a water type. No. And it looked what happened with the Seahawks. That's why they're able to hold in for so long. And then that's it.


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[Assistant] That's right. America's team Green Bay Packers are back in this thing. He would go now.


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it has, he has got to watch 80 for Brady. Make it bounce back so bad. No, no, no, you can't use my own. He has to do a report on it.


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[Assistant] And do a report. Well no, you can find it online. A report, a movie review, however you want to spin it.


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[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,


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[Assistant] I am here with five points vids from...


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[Assistant] Uh, PootiePie, we got Scooter Magruder from MrBeast.


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[Assistant] An urinating tree from... This channel has been permanently suspended.


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[Assistant] What did they tell? Oh, you haven't had, you have your first session today. Coming up next week, we can ask you what you learned. Exactly. Exactly. I want to know.


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[Assistant] Alright. I'm surprised Jerry Jones didn't invite you to do it on his yacht.


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[Assistant] But what else? Elon Musk marrying Jeff Bezos so they can become the unequivocal richest couple on earth.


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[Assistant] Excited. I've been watching a lot of Nuggets Ball.


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[Assistant] Uhm, little nervous cause the heat, uh, the heat are scrappy. And I don't like that. I don't like playing the scrappy teams. I don't like playing the hot teams. The heat are hot.


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[Assistant] Is that a coincidence? I don't know, but I think the nuggets will handle business.


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[Assistant] Uh, I saw one of your takes, Scooter, that I wanted to discuss, and that was about old Dwight Howard. Old Dwight Howard saying he would not just, uh,


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[Assistant] Okay, we can get into that, we can get into that, but before we get into that.


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[Assistant] The closest we have ever seen to Shaq is actually Nate Robinson, guys. And the fact that you missed that, that's a little embarrassing.


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[Assistant] Right, they're up 3-0 on Boston. And then they drop three in a row. Right? Right?


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[Assistant] I watched a good amount of the games where the Heat kept losing. And the thing that, like,


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[Assistant] If they do it again, where the heat get as cold as they did against the Celtics, uhm.


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[Assistant] The, the nuggets will exploit that. And...


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[Assistant] It's just, it will get bad for the heat quickly. Uhm, I just, I-


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[Assistant] I think too much pressure relies on Jimmy Butler to propel them and I think


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[Assistant] Outside of maybe this first game, the Nuggets will actually have a better plan for Jimmy Butler, and I think they match up better with the Heat outside of that.


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[Assistant] No, it's, it's crazy too because like if it weren't the nuggets.


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[Assistant] I'd, well, yeah, if it weren't for the nuggets, I'd definitely be rooting for the Heat.


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[Assistant] I like Jimmy Butler, uh, Jimmy Butler, and he talked about in his press conferences last week, like, him and Demarius Thomas were friends, like, and Butler would show up to Broncos games with DT.


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[Assistant] I like his cockiness on the court, like, that confidence.


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[Assistant] Like if you are a basketball fan and you don't like watching a guy who puts in the effort that Butler does, then I can't help you. He's fun to watch when he's hot, but I disagree with this comment down here.


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[Assistant] I think NBA storylines are very singularly driven, but I think the Nuggets are a really good example and the heat right now of two basketball teams and they're succeeding because of the teams. Miami is the epitome of a team. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I talked about this with Will on our Broncos podcast, but I feel like


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[Assistant] The thing I kind of noticed is that I think like the NFL does a much better job embracing kind of like underdog stories.


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[Assistant] And or like when a bad team is, is good and they do get to the postseason and then they win in the postseason, it feels like it, it has been like,


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[Assistant] A lot of, and I don't even want to say negativity, but just like.


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[Assistant] This is a team that also like they drafted all these guys. They built their team without like assembling a super team and got there. And you could say like they heat these underdog players and I feel like the NFL like


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[Assistant] That's embraced once a team gets to a postseason. And I use the example of like when the Browns got there and they beat the Steelers, like that was big news. And people were like excited about that versus, and I think fans are excited. Don't get me wrong. Uh, definitely here in Denver.


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[Assistant] But in terms of the coverage of it, it just feels like a, ehh, okay.


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[Assistant] I guess we'll watch the Nuggets and Heats play because they're, they're in the finals versus like, dude, if like the Lions and Browns made it to the Super Bowl, that might be one of the highest rated Super Bowls ever if they got


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[Assistant] What's, what's the excitement factor for this Stanley Cup Finals tree?


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[Assistant] All the people showing up, uh, to support Tom. There's one that stood out above all the rest.


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[Assistant] This man. This man showing up in Bronco's gear in an old school, that's good Bronco shirt. Dustin, you are a legend.


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[Assistant] You guys should green screen it and just pretend you're in Dallas.


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[Assistant] I dropped a Nuggets video before this stream and then I am behind on my Pokemon punishment. I was waiting for this jacket to arrive. So hopefully next week I will have the wrap ready for everyone.


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[Assistant] Punishment time ends beginning now.


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[Assistant] He has to do that. I want a timed run of tree running the bases. And he has to try and steal a base. Yes. If I can get a base. Or he has to be a pinch runner.


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[Assistant] I said Niners. I said Niners. Yes, you got the 49ers. That's two for Niners.


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[Assistant] S. You've been navigated to clickbait sports.


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[Assistant] We are five sports dudes who make sports videos on YouTube. And for whatever reason, we do it together on Thursdays. And for an even more perplexing reason, uh, you guys show up. And show out.


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[Assistant] It's been a busy week in the old NFL. A lot of free agency moves. Uh, what's, what always surprises, not surprises me, but I always forget about free agency.


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[Assistant] Is it's wild for like 48 hours, right? It's signing, signing, boom, boom, big news, big, but then it keeps going. Like we're probably, there's like another week of just, there's so many guys we're going to keep changing teams. So we're going to look through some of, uh,


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[Assistant] The moves today in grade which teams got better, worse, stayed the same.


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[Assistant] The, our punishment actually should be since we didn't solidify it last week and we have trees punishment today.


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[Assistant] You should really just turn that into a series there. Losing sucks.


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[Assistant] Um, okay, so we got all of the free agency moves right here. A lot has happened. So we can reference this list. This is the list we'll be referencing to figure out which teams are better, worse or the same.


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[Assistant] Um, it starts, where does it start? In the AFC East? Yep. You just start at the top and go down. Ooh.


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[Assistant] Because we also got the, we got the tier for this. Uhm.


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[Assistant] Issue is, I can only share one of those screens at a time.


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[Assistant] Okay, I'll list them and then you guys debate them.


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[Assistant] Right. Alright, so we got the Bills. As of right now, they bring in quarterback Kyle Allen. Uh, receiver, returner, Deontay Hardy. Offensive guard, Connor McGovern.


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[Assistant] I believe that's former Bronco, Conor McGovern. That's a three year, $23 million deal. Unless that's a different Conor McGovern.


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[Assistant] They, they did bring, they, they did sign Matt Milano and a lot of people thought he might be gone. Uh, they lo- they lost.


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[Assistant] Uh, Tremaine Edmonds though. Safety Jordan Poyers returning for that game. And they re-signed punter Sam Martin. Uh, three year deal. So that's where Buffalo's at.


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[Assistant] They also lost Case Keenum, guys. They lost Case Keenum.


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[Assistant] Alright, here's a team that I think is interesting. Uhm, I think the same works for Bills. The Dolphins, and we'll start with Grosse's opinion here. They bring in quarterback Mike White.


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[Assistant] They keep both uh, Raheem Mostert and Jeff Wilson. They take Broncos tight end Eric Saubert, guard Dan Feeney, linebacker David Long.


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[Assistant] That's a really nice pickup for them. Very cheap too. Nick Needham.


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[Assistant] They trade for Jalen Ramsey and, uh, Safety Deshaun Elliott at it.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Why don't you let me switch here, you stupid computer. Yeah, you stupid computer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they bring in James Robinson, Juju Smith Schuster, James Forentz, who was a Broncos lineman a long time ago. Another Broncos lineman, Calvin Anderson, Riley Reef. So that's three linemen.


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[Assistant] Ferenc is going back there though, uh, Raekwon, McMillan, Mack Wilson, linebacker, one year deal, they're big retaining, retainment, retainer, Jonathan Jones, uh, corner.


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[Assistant] And, uh, they signed Safety Jibril Peppers on a two-year deal.


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[Assistant] Their key loss is Johnny Smith, Jacoby Myers, uhm, but you know, they swapped Jacoby for Juju Smith Schuster, which is relatively the same.


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[Assistant] He was the primary, uh, catalyst behind the Chiefs winning the Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] Alright, Jets. Uh, they got Alan Lazard. That's the big one.


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[Assistant] I controlled the board, so I'm just gonna do that.


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[Assistant] What do we got next, Brandon? Ravens.


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[Assistant] They put the non-exclusive on old Lamar Jackson, uh, Justice Hill returning for a year.


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[Assistant] And, uh, Corner, Trayvon, Mullen, returning for a year. They lose Chuck Clark. And...


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[Assistant] Uh, Barranco's sign, their guard, bin, powers, which was a really big loss for the Ravens. Cause it was a huge gain for me.


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[Assistant] Boundless Cincinnati!


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[Assistant] They make a big signing for Tackle. Orlando Brown coming over by way of Games of City. Four year, 64 mil. Uh, also, Guard, Cody Ford. Was he coming over from Buffalo, Cody Ford? Not sure. What was Cody Ford at? Cody? I'm pretty sure it was the Bills. Let me double check.


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[Assistant] Looks like he was Cardinals. He was a Cardinal. Was he a Cardinal last year? Yup. Oh wow, he was with the Bills before that then.


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[Assistant] I'm trying to find a tea for Bench Warmer, Brewed, and we're gonna call it High Tea Higgins.


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[Assistant] You just mentioned one Thornhill. They re-sign, uh, Taki Taki at Linebacker. Maybe the most fun player name to say.


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[Assistant] Uh, Delvin Tomlinson, uh, defensive tackle. That was kind of their big splash. Four year, 57 million.


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[Assistant] Oh god. Ethan Pochich. Pochich! Thank you! Oh god, here's another tough one. Uh, Ogbo... Ogbo!


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[Assistant] I believe yes. Yeah. Okay, so we'll say worse. Slightly.


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[Assistant] Alright. Bussin' with the boys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I thought he just did. Miles Jack was not down.


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[Assistant] What do we got next? The Houston Texans! El Texano.


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[Assistant] They had her. They've made a plethora of moves, guys. Uh, Kasekinum, wide receiver, Noah Brown. Is that coming over from Dallas? Noah Brown? Yup, that's coming from Dallas.


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[Assistant] Bobby Trees, also catching balls there now. Robert Woods, two years. Andrew Beck, tied in.


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[Assistant] Hybrid, running back, fullback, whatever you need Andrew Beck to do, he can do it. Houston, Shaq Mason, uh, at guard, centered, Scott.


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[Assistant] Quisenberry, Edge, Chase Winovich, Defensive Line, Sheldon Rankins, Hassan Ridgeway.


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[Assistant] Safety MJ Stewart and Safety Jimmy Ward. That's- Jimmy Ward's a good get. That's a lot.


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[Assistant] They, they re-signed receiver Ashton Dulin, defensive line, Dave and Brian, Edge, Sampson,


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[Assistant] Taekwon Lewis, E.J. Speed at linebacker and kicker Matt Gay gets a 4 year 22.5 million dollar deal.


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[Assistant] But it feels like the cults got worse. Feels like they're getting worse.


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[Assistant] Their big loss was, um, their tackle, Juwan Taylor, who the Chief signed. And, uh, they lost Arden Key on their defensive edge, um, which the Raiders drafted. And I think he played pretty well from last year.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So, we think the Texans and Jags both got a little bit better and the Colts got worse. Yes.


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[Assistant] I think the commanders got a little better. With what? They have signed


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[Assistant] Jacoby Bursette tackle Andrew Wiley coming over from the Chiefs, which I think is a good move for them. That's not bad.


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[Assistant] They did get, they bring back Daron Payne. They brought him back, which is huge. Daron Payne, that was a huge, uh, uh, player to retain. They got Cam Dantzler off of waivers from the Vikings. Danny Johnson, linebacker David Mayo, linebacker Cody Barton, uh, FA Obata at edge. I feel like slightly better at this.


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[Assistant] Poles don't even need to draft a quarterback right now.


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[Assistant] You know what? I think the Eagles, uhm, we're gonna say staying the same right now.


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[Assistant] These Philadelphia Eagles, who everybody said will not have a defense next year because of a mass exodus that's going to happen.


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[Assistant] They've got Fletcher Cox coming back, Brandon Graham coming back, James Bradberry coming back, and the guy everybody thought was gone and Darius Slay is back!


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[Assistant] More than four good players as well. Five, six key players they have retained and added Rashad Penny so far.


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[Assistant] The Los Angeles Chargers who are already on the list at worst.


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[Assistant] We win seven games, huge improvement. Oh no.


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[Assistant] I feel like more of the teams that are worse are more or less trying to focus on the draft.


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[Assistant] Uhm, alright. 49ers? I think Javon Hargrave. Hargrave? Ugh. It definitely made them a lot smarter.


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[Assistant] They added a lot. They got Heinecke, Johnny Smith.


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[Assistant] Keep that offensive line together. They bring in Jesse Bates. Falcon's better. Better. Again, low bar, but they got better.


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[Assistant] I don't think that will say same because they, they were not in a good spot.


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[Assistant] Bears are winning. Packers the same as always until they lose Aaron Rodgers, so they're in purgatory. Woohoo!


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[Assistant] Hey, we got Keisha, hey, hey, hey, I recruited a long snapper, so.


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[Assistant] Seahawks got better just by Draymond Jones alone. I hate that team now.


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[Assistant] He's not old enough to like, pay attention to it. Whoa, look at this guy. There's ripped Patrick Sauer. We can't see it.


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[Assistant] Uh, I just got a short tonight, and who knows. Who knows what else.


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[Assistant] He's not very good. And then all of a sudden, he was great again. I know nothing.


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[Assistant] I think like the one thing Brock Purdy showed last year was the ability to come in and command an offense right away, which is


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[Assistant] Which is rare for, for rookie quarterbacks and even more rare for a guy taken in the seventh round.


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[Assistant] I think he has poise. So I think in terms of a guy coming in and being able to be clutch, Purdy has that. I would trust Brock Purdy over Jimmy Garoppolo in a Super Bowl just based off the small sample size of what we've seen with Brock Purdy.


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[Assistant] And I think, like, if Brock Purdy is good, and yea, the elbow injury, obviously a little bit of a concern, but I watched him in one series against the Broncos last week in the preseason. I'm like, this dude's, he's fucking ready to go. Like, it's just a few plays. Uh, it wasn't like he did anything crazy, but I'm like, he's gonna be fine.


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[Assistant] If he's good, if he's their next, if he's their quarterback for the next 10 years, the, the gaffe with Trey Lance is completely irrelevant. And if they get anything back from them, then they're actually almost in a net positive there. Uh, the, the, that's all I was gonna say.


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[Assistant] Right? Like, I agree with everything you said, but also, they still got to the championship game with that guy that they took there, which is impressive, but like, it's...


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[Assistant] You can't, you can't take away from the fact that they missed on Traylance.


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[Assistant] And they gave up a lot to go there for a guy who played very little in college. That's the weird thing. It's like that stat about Trey Lance, his total snaps like from high school to the pro is like what G, uh, Gino Smith threw last season. Less than 300.


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[Assistant] That's a lot to give up for, and it was a weird year too, right? It was the, the COVID year he came out after, like,


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[Assistant] The draft, so there wasn't like football really happening at the college level.


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[Assistant] Usually, like if you're a team in need of a quarterback, I don't mind swinging for the fences and missing. It's just, it's odd, it's the 49ers.


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[Assistant] Who seem to do everything so well, taking a big risk on a guy that, just not a lot of sample size there.


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[Assistant] I kind of wish Kyle Shanahan would just say that. Be like, look, we love Trey, but he's just been ass in practice.


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[Assistant] The two things that are weird are the two things. One thing is weird is...


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[Assistant] If the 49ers are going to try and trade him, right, and those are the rumors right now, like they're trying to trade him.


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[Assistant] Like if you're San Francisco, wouldn't you have just kept him at number two on the depth chart to have his value up?


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[Assistant] He's like, no, he's not good enough to be number two, now we're ready to trade him.


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[Assistant] What everybody has said to some extent is he hasn't really gotten a chance to play. It's the two, one and a half, one and a fifth of a game. He had three passes before he got hurt in week two last year. Uhm, like,


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[Assistant] You need a season to start to evaluate a quarterback. A season of actually playing under center.


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[Assistant] I forget what GM said it, but they're like, after 12 to 14 games, you know whether a guy has it or not.


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[Assistant] It doesn't mean they're exactly where they need to be, but he just hasn't been able to put out that sample size.


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[Assistant] Who hasn't looked great. We'll see if he plays better in this third game.


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[Assistant] But, uh, get rid of stids. Sorry, stids, cause I'm not getting rid of Danucci. I am not getting rid of Ben Danucci.


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[Assistant] Give me Trey Lance back there. Cause if it doesn't work out with Russ Wilson, that's, it's an option. If you're going to be honest, I don't think.


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[Assistant] I think his production goes down just because like when Jimmy G's throwing you the ball, it's hard to catch it when you're thinking about the fact that you might, might


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[Assistant] Be attracted to your quarterback. So that's one thing Devontae is going to have to get over. The second thing, Chris Jones's holdout versus like Nick Bosa's right now. Like Chris Jones already signed an extension once, like he got paid an $80 million extension. Uh, he's made like 67 million through his career. So like.


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[Assistant] Bossa hasn't had that yet, right? Like he was going into his fifth year or whatever. I don't even know, but he was still on the rookie deal. He's looking for his first big payday. So like.


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[Assistant] Him being like holding out and the willingness to do it right now makes sense, just the timing. And Chris Jones is going into like the final year of his deal, so it makes sense that he'd be unhappy with it. But it is surprising to me that like Chris Jones and the Chiefs have let it get this far, because the Chiefs


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[Assistant] Over the last like four or five fucking years have done everything right with their front office and their players. They make everything work.


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[Assistant] Uh, it feels like they're just playing the same leverage with Chris Jones, even though he's really important to the defense, the same way Tyree kill was their offense. They're like, we'll get by without you because what our defense might give up an extra seven points a game.


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[Assistant] Uh, we have Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelsey and they still just scored 30 points to your 22. We don't care.


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[Assistant] Uh, hamstring. He pulled his hamstring today at practice. It was a good couple hours. We didn't know the extent, uh, of the, the strain.


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[Assistant] Ian Rappaport, Jerry Judy expected to miss several weeks with a moderate hamstring injury.


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[Assistant] That puts the status for week one in question, but there's optimism. It's nothing long-term.


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[Assistant] Yeah, wha- wha- in ham- I'll say this about hamstring injuries.


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[Assistant] If there's one position group, you do not want hamstring injuries to happen to its receivers. Like it affects them more.


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[Assistant] Then any other position, even when they play through it, they lose explosiveness. They lose their burst.


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[Assistant] So he might be, quote, ready week one, and ready in NFL doctors terms doesn't mean he is healed, does not mean he's 100%. So I would prefer he miss maybe the first two weeks of the season until that hamstring's 100% ready to go. But yeah, shit's getting...


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[Assistant] Bleak there because he tweaks his hamstring. I don't know if it's a strain, a pull, a mild, I don't know what it is. Tim Patrick's gone. They lost Jalen Virgil last preseason game who just made the best play of his career. Uh, KJ Hamler.


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[Assistant] So a lot of pressure's gonna be coming in on, uh, Marvin Mims, uh, the rookie. He might be starting.


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[Assistant] As wide receiver 2, week 1 opposite Cortland Sutton now, so don't know.


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[Assistant] Well, it's, they're not good injuries for wide receivers.


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[Assistant] They hold like your leg to your butt, so kinda need that. And they hold like silly


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[Assistant] It's like I pulled my abductor, my ab, I ripped him, he's like I don't know what I did but I can't walk.


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[Assistant] I think Isaiah Simmons has like a really good chance to resurrect his chances of like sustaining a career in the NFL. Uh, two, he plays two seasons with my current defensive coordinator, Vance Joseph.


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[Assistant] And they drafted him, he was like this hybrid player, right? Yes. They didn't know if he was going to play safety or linebacker because he's like 6'2", super athletic. Yep.


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[Assistant] A little big for a safety, a little small for like a linebacker in terms of, I don't know, being stout, but his first season they used him primarily as, uh, the


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[Assistant] So if he goes to a place where they stay true to what his skill set is, and I don't even know what that is at the NFL level because we just haven't seen it, like he's like one of those players, like this is a trade now, we're talking about it because of where he was drafted, but it's kind of small, but he might be a really good player. I'll tell you if he's, yeah.


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[Assistant] I think he will get traded because I think there's like real interest there. I don't think they're gonna get a first. What I'm hoping for is what you just said.


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[Assistant] Jacob's, Taylor's trade, trade, and they both still hold out.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the eagles doesn't make, it would have to be like Penny or Swift that they're moving again.


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[Assistant] Like that's, those are three, that's just too many backs. There's too many running backs.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't know if there's any merit to this, but like they're talking about Jonathan Taylor here in Denver.


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[Assistant] I had Michael Irvin doing cocaine and stabbing people with scissors. I do not care about speeding.


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[Assistant] Brando, the top three, the top, it goes scooter one, tree two.


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[Assistant] Here's the deal. Everybody talks about my- I'm completely comfortable in who I am as a man, bro.


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[Assistant] Because I pay, you know, it's hard to find people that want to work out for free. So I pay him and we work out every Wednesday morning.


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[Assistant] He's helping me like get better and then throughout the week, like, I lift.


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[Assistant] I practice, I'll go out to the field, just me out there in a cold ass field just by myself. I feel like, so Eric Sim,


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[Assistant] Who, uh, the King of Juco who's really popular. He's a baseball player. Like when he...


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[Assistant] Uhm, left the minor leagues and then he had gotten like out of shape. Like he had this journey from being like really bad to throwing 90 miles an hour. Well, he was working in like, he was lifting like concrete weights and all that stuff. So like I take inspiration from him to like improve myself. Now, baseball is really hard. It's harder than it looks. And uhm, yeah. So even with all this work,


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[Assistant] I'll probably strike out on three pitches, but I'll strike out.


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[Assistant] You know what I'm saying, like Scooter, like if you worked every day, if you played every day ball, right, you were a high school baseball player, just, or basketball player, just like me, I was a high school baseball player, and you worked every day for a year to take the court with the NBA players, like you wouldn't embarrass yourself, like, but I would be in the NBA.


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[Assistant] The Cowboys need you. Gotcha. Gotcha. So you're just as delusional about your basketball ability as you are the Cowboys. Listen, I'm dead serious about my ball. Maybe not. I will, I could play overseas if I wanted to. Right now. Give me six months. I'm on a team in Greece.


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[Assistant] I am ready for this. This is five minutes and 13 seconds. Buckle up. Not me.


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[Assistant] Whoa. Oh, how did that get in there? Oh, that, that was your first video, man. That's impressive. You did draft, you had DraftKings from the start. Man, DraftKings didn't even exist. That's how good he was.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna enjoy myself, I'm gonna be a YouTuber, I'm gonna make it famous and big, and the Denver Broncos kill.


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[Assistant] That was actually, I mean, cohesive enough for a first effort. That was, that was very good.


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[Assistant] Oh dude, I've seen your first video. It is so like, wanna be modern YouTuber. It's, it's brilliant, man. By the way, you should punish this guy. I saw it when I was in Florida for spring training. It is the greatest thing ever. It is the greatest thing ever. I remember we did that. We all watched it together. Us and Starcraving Sports and


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[Assistant] It's surreal because it's like it's not really you. It's just like you're faking it so much and it's hilarious. Yeah, you gotta be yourself. At least Brandon, you haven't changed from who you are in 10 years. You're still a small little man that tells sports jokes.


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[Assistant] You know what we should do if we have a clickbait meetup is we should go to an open mic and we should all like film one of us just bombing. I think we would have to see like who's the worst. I got a solid four. See I think instead


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[Assistant] If YouTube wants to give me a strike, let him give me a strike.


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[Assistant] Oh, you did? Really? Yes. Uh huh. Cause they reviewed it and said that. That's interesting.


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[Assistant] It's age-restricted ones that hurt the most. Yeah, age-restricted is the death now. I've had that happen a few times. Yeah. Alright.


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[Assistant] I know what they want. I know what they want. No, no, no, no. They want their players to go down


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[Assistant] I would say they really want Matt Patricia and Joe Judge to be collecting garbage in the Bronx, but that's just me.


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[Assistant] True, true. They don't have, they're offensively challenged. So you know what, maybe they will have trouble working with sort of maneuvering.


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[Assistant] Is Bill Belichick the Grinch? Oh yea. He could be. He looks like it.


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[Assistant] The Jets want a Q, a competent QB. Eh, Mike White's alright. They want Mike White.


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[Assistant] Limited edition of Chili's. What do you guys think starts for the Jets next season at QB? Ooh, QB1 for the Jets? Probably Zach Wilson. It depends. They might go free agent.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you think they could get Lamar to come to their first franchise?


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[Assistant] He's done nothing. Has he shown you anything? Has he? Dude, they, they got rid of Mitch Trubisky like that. They were like, yeah, you're done. Well, Trubisky had more success than Zach Wilson. Yeah. Zach is just trash. He's had like flashes, but for the most part it's like, eh.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. He has a bad game this weekend.


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[Assistant] Honestly, I don't think anyone's really paid attention to Jackson homes this year.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's been quiet. I think he might've got a job or something. He's got a job?


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[Assistant] Really? You expected me to jump? You know, I know what the, I know what the Chiefs want this year. What do the Chiefs want? Ooh!


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[Assistant] Want to win $150 in free bets? All new customers need to do is sign up for DraftKings using the promo code, code, promo code clickbait.


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[Assistant] Embed at least $5 on any pregame money line wager. And if your bet hits the $150 and free bets is yours. Again, you heard that right. It's an additional $150 and free bets. If your pregame money lied, your money line wager of $5 or more hits. See, I'm not, I couldn't do stand up like Tom.


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[Assistant] Uh, one up the stakes even more try out the same game parlays. You can combine multiple bets. It's like multiplies and you can have a shot at bigger winnings. And if mobile sports betting is not available in your state, don't worry. You can get in on that.


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[Assistant] There's no problems with withdrawing your cash. Trust me. I know again, use the promo code clickbait for $150 in free bets. If you're, if you bet at least.


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[Assistant] They're betting on their other teams to cover so they make a little more cash.


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[Assistant] Uh, don't the Chiefs want Kaderius Tony to like not have a hamstring injury or something like that? No. He's played exactly one minute. They want teams to not play. He's already had more success on the Chiefs than his whole tenure with the Giants. Yeaah, he did have one touchdown.


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[Assistant] They want, they want offensive schemes besides quick screens to Austin Eckler and curl routes.


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[Assistant] You know, a McDaniels is a fraud. I don't care if they're 6 and 8. They'll end up 6 and 11.


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[Assistant] They want to play Kansas City in the playoffs. That's what they want.


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[Assistant] Lots of dead air. Dead air was wishing for the Cincinnati Bengals to get a better coach besides Zach Taber.


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[Assistant] They don't want to pay him 250 million guaranteed. That's the problem. If he wanted 180, he would already be signed. Who would they get though?


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[Assistant] Leads him on a deep run. I can see why, but most of the time he has been shut down in the playoffs.


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[Assistant] Ooh, the Pittsburgh Steelers. A very interesting set. What I think they really want this year, and a lot of fans agree, they want Matt Canada sent down the Ohio.


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[Assistant] And to be never, ever seen again. He can do a jet sweep down the Ohio.


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[Assistant] But I think that's what we really want because he is a very uninspired play caller. And also the development of Kenny Pickle. I think that's another thing they want to...


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[Assistant] What do you want, Tree? What do you want the Steelers to do?


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[Assistant] But they won't fire. They'll probably be expired and they'll be gone at the end of the year. That's fair.


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[Assistant] Uh, Ryan Tannehill to come back, but he's done. I think they just want Malik Willis to be good. Yeah, yeah, that's good.


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[Assistant] I think normally Willis would be great so they can feel vindicated.


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[Assistant] Cause if, if Malik Willis balls out of control that makes 10


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[Assistant] No, they need something more than that, AJ Brown. They need him back. They need to have kept the receipts.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, we'll take em out back and shoot em. I think that's what'll happen. We'll just be like, oh. Shoot em, do you mean send em back to ESPN?


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[Assistant] They want to beat the Dallas Cowboys with their backup QB so they can come to my Twitter and explode and quote tweet everything I've said for the past week. We know what they want.


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[Assistant] Well, do you wanna, do you really think you can expose the fraud? Oh yes. Yes I do, because listen.


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[Assistant] I need all the, listen, if you're an Eagles fan, hear me. I need you to keep the same energy you had.


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[Assistant] When you beat the Cowboys and we had a backup QB, all that talking? Yeah, keep that same energy this week when you play with your backup QB. Keep that same energy.


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[Assistant] What do you think the Eagles want?


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[Assistant] Long term, we're going to need that sixth Super Bowl tying us with the Pittsburgh Steelers. And then, the seventh!


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[Assistant] I think this is, like I said, 15% chance. And I want world peace.


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[Assistant] These things are possible and let me tell you, if the cowboys win the division by some miracle,


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[Assistant] That uh, yeaah, of course they want to make the playoffs! No, no, do you! Five points. Yes! Yes, because we haven't been in the playoffs since, since I don't even remember. Boat party 2016. Yeaah, the boat party.


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[Assistant] The Packers game, where it started really well for the Giants.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and then it started to go right downhill pretty fast. Yeah, of course. Before I even knew you.


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[Assistant] So you need that playoff experience. We're gonna have to speed through the rest. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna have to get through. How about we go in rotation? It'll be Brandon, Tom, Scooter, boom boom boom.


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[Assistant] Quite frankly, I think a certain Arizona Cardinals team, there are a few things they want. They want Kyler Murray to actually give a shit about football. They want Cliff Kingsbury out of their ASAP and they want Michael Bidwell to go back to Salos. Those are the three things they want.


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[Assistant] Uh, the Rams want this god awful season to be over with. They just would like the last three weeks to just not be played. They have no reason to play. They're not, I mean, they're starting Baker Mayfield off the scrap heap. They are the worst Super Bowl defending team ever.


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[Assistant] In the history of the NFL and they just want this nightmare to be over.


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[Assistant] I mean, Bowles is, uh, he ain't good. The Carolina Panthers just want to feel pain again. They just want to be able to live. They want to be able to experience things. They haven't felt anything in years.


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[Assistant] And quite frankly, they're just apathetic. I just want, just, just tear my arm off, because at the end of the day...


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[Assistant] Oh my god. This is as bad as the Carolina Panthers season is bad because they can't feel anything. Just keep pounding. Yes.


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[Assistant] And uh, they want a quarterback not who isn't 80 years old.


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[Assistant] Zach Wilson or they throw sh- or a ton of money at Lamar Jackson.


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[Assistant] I am the paperboy from, uh, Better Off Dead. I made two dollars.


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[Assistant] Ooh, do a mukbang on stream. We're not trying to kill this man. Alright, didn't we have an idea for a punishment earlier? Oh, to watch, uh, something.


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[Assistant] Uh huh. That's what they all say kid. That's what they all say.


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[Assistant] Ooh, we get to roast tree. We should be able to roast tree.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. Tree has to awkwardly roast all of us next episode.