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[Assistant] How sad is it that Brian Flores was probably going to be the only other, like the rare successful coach coming out of the Belichick coaching tree?


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[Assistant] The only two guys that apparently will work with him are Basatia and Peterson. At this moment.


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[Assistant] Like the NFL is not even the main way he makes money.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like he just, he owns a team cause he's got, he's worth like 8.1 billion dollars. Can you, can you imagine if like having an NFL theme was just kind of like your second project?


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[Assistant] Sportsbook. Draft Kings. Sportsbook. Draft Kings. Sportsbook. Yo, Superball 56 coming at your faces.


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[Assistant] With 56 to 1 odds. That means you can bet $5 on either team to win the Super Bowl. And if they win...


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[Assistant] You get 280 in free bets. You just gotta use code clickbait. Right there. It's on the screen.


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[Assistant] It's the name of the show, in case you forgot, cause your brain hurts sometimes. Link is in the description. We'll take you right to DraftKings. Right there. Uuuuh. Question. Here. This is what we're gonna do.


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[Assistant] If you were bet on, uh, Matthew Stafford or Joe Burrow throwing for over 350 yards, who you gonna take?


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[Assistant] Overrated, running, so 1990, air attack, I think they both, well I would say Stafford has a better chance.


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[Assistant] And Cup would still catch it. That's how good.


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[Assistant] There's too many coaching vacancies. Like nobody even cares at this point.


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[Assistant] Three wins. I just need you to answer one question.


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[Assistant] What did Alan Lazard's tweet mean today?


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[Assistant] This Uber driver's trying to murder me. Buckle up! Yep.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, we love Nathaniel Hackett. This dude is hilarious, first of all.


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[Assistant] And I had to respond because somebody was like, I mean they made a good point in their tweet.


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[Assistant] You were making fun of the Washington football logo for being a W, all while Tom's team is a G, and didn't your Broncos used to be a D? I was like, well the D had a horse coming out of it, but yea. And then they had Spur on it.


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[Assistant] Fuck all, they can't even get their own G like font.com and look through some G's or just ask the Packers if we could have things. Do they not have any drawings?


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[Assistant] Probably because the Cowboys choked in the playoffs and their offense didn't look good for a while.


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[Assistant] Motherfucker didn't even thank the Patriots when he left Tampa Bay.


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[Assistant] Some New England dude was talking about how Robert Kraft apparently had a tantrum after Brady announced he was retiring. Oh my god, it was, it's really funny.


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[Assistant] He was, yeaah, he was there, he was, they came to him, they came to him.


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[Assistant] He'll get his happy ending. Don't worry, Robert. Don't worry.


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[Assistant] I don't think I actually realized how much I disliked the Patriots and Tom Brady until they played the Giants in the Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] That was the first Superbowl I found myself passionately rooting for a team I didn't care about, which was the Giants.


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[Assistant] And like when David Tyree made that catch, I was just flipping out in my apartment.


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[Assistant] Like, I think there was, I was watching with people, I wasn't alone. Definitely had friends back then.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I was like, oh my god, I lost my voice from that game. I was like, I hate this guy. I hate Tom Brady, I hate the Patriots, and I don't ever want to see him win again.


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[Assistant] Now, as a Broggas fan, we kinda owned the Patriots, specifically in the postseason. Jake Plummer never lost to the Patriots. That's a fun stat you guys need to know.


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[Assistant] You know. A lot of tragedy there for Steven Spielberg.


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[Assistant] Well, I guess like the, the one thing the Giants might have is...


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[Assistant] There was some reporting for a while that, uh, GM, the new GM, Joe Shane wanted Brian Dable, but John Mara was trying to push for Brian Flores. And that was before all of this happened because I made fun of John Mara being like, Oh, you hire GM?


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[Assistant] To fix your team and then you don't want to listen to him?


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[Assistant] So, like, if they can prove, like, those conversations happened and that John Mara wanted Brian Flores, it might help him, but, uh,


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[Assistant] I put up a video about, uhm, oh yeaah, Aaron Rodgers not going to the Titans, cause that was some rumor today, and


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[Assistant] If it doesn't happen, we should all meet at a batting cage and have a bat off.


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[Assistant] Well, it doesn't matter if the Steelers should win four games. They'll somehow find a way to win eight or nine because that's just how the Steelers will. They'll, they'll fluke their way to like four or five wins. We know this case.


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[Assistant] Well, I think it's a good move for the Rams, mostly because they solidify their interior linebacker position, which I felt was the biggest weakness on defense. And by the way, the Cowboys weren't going to get Bobby Wagner because they already have Leighton Vander Esch and Micah Parsons. Why would you go for Bobby Wagner?


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[Assistant] Scooter, we go through this every year. What happens is that the Dallas Cowboys have this great hype, they have the star power, and then they fall apart because they either lack a bunch of different depth pieces or they have a team issue in last year's case.


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[Assistant] Uh, weak secondary pass, giving up yardage in chunks, disciplinary issues, uh, and also not knowing when to slide properly when trying a quarterback draw with.


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[Assistant] 12 seconds left. But the main thing, what I'm looking at the Cowboys is


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[Assistant] What have you done this offseason? Your only free agent signings have been Dante Fowler and James Washington. You nearly lost Demarcus Lawrence.


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[Assistant] Randy Gregory, you pissed off enough before he left because you tried to change the stipulation of a contract at the last moment. You've, uh, you caught Amari Cooper, you treated him for nothing, so you can sign a guy coming off a torn ACL. Uhm, that was his doing to himself. Okay, I'll act, okay? What did it let you do?


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[Assistant] What I think it is? I think, I think it's the 5G towers. The 5G towers caused Bruce Arians to move up.


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[Assistant] That's my explanation. Yeah. I need some aluminum foil so the 5G towers do not infest my head and force me to move up to a front office position. So that's all I'm saying. You look like you have a couple of 5G towers on your head right now.


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[Assistant] Nah, this is, this is like, this is 2G. 2G. Uh, 3G would be a little longer. I can get up to 4G. I'm not a 5G yet though.


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[Assistant] I'm creating some content by making certain Kevin King's sleep with the fishes in Lake Superior.


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[Assistant] I do have a question in regards to, uh, the Packers.


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[Assistant] Their stock drive, I know it came up pretty short of what their goal was. My question is, what happens to the stock that isn't sold? Do they give it away to children in Africa, like certain losing Superbowl memorabilia, or do they just put it back in and recycle it for next time?


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[Assistant] But actually, another question asked would be also, uhm,


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[Assistant] Where do you think the extra funding will come from since the drive did come up short though?


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[Assistant] Too much for this show. Uh, quick question, beer wise. Lakefront or New Glarus? Which one do you think he likes?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but there's something different about actually being in the stands though, you know? Yeah, that's true. I'd rather be freezing my ass off. Like, if you're in an owner's suite, like, I don't want to be like, for a team I'm rooting for them, right? It's like, it's not the same.


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[Assistant] I won a ring in Philly and I think he, did he win in New Orleans too or was he a year after? I forget.


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[Assistant] Some of the designs are like, from what it seems, it will be uncovered.


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[Assistant] Well, they'll probably spin a wheel and give them like a punishment. My guess is like four to six games.


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[Assistant] Considering that's usually the standard. Ben Roethlisberger was in charge six games. Zeke was in charge six games. It just seems like it's four to six games. That would be my guess.


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[Assistant] I feel like people should play defense, that's the key. I mean, if you look at like,


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[Assistant] The Bills and Chiefs game. The Bills had chances to stop them if you don't want to lose in overtime, don't give up too big place in the span of 13 seconds.


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[Assistant] My belief is there has to be some form of risk after extending it past 60 minutes and that risk is the coin.


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[Assistant] And unfortunately it might not be fair, but unfortunately it's not about fairness or fun. It's about deciding a winner.


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[Assistant] Okay, we're gonna have bo It's like then you become


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[Assistant] Not really, although it's because he didn't really win much against us, so.


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[Assistant] Honestly, he's gonna be an upgrade over Ben, which isn't saying much, but...


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[Assistant] I'm at, uh, only 103.69 and I'm happy because I am not winning again, I am on a- Okay.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the NFL draft coverage for Clickbait Sports. I'm your host for today, Scooter McGruder. Joining me, five point vids. He's a Giants fan.


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[Assistant] As well. We got that good sports. Brandon Perna in the building. He's representing the Broncos.


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[Assistant] You know this guy very well. He's your favorite yinzer. I hope that's not like a swear word. It's not a swear word. Okay. Urinating tree. Welcome.


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[Assistant] And ladies and gentlemen, first of all, Tree likes the Steelers. So we got Dallas Cowboys.


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[Assistant] This talk about Aaron Rodgers saying, I, I don't think I want to play.


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[Assistant] And Grain Bay anyway. We go straight to Tom after you guys look at this shirt that you made me buy for punishment last week.


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[Assistant] So, let's just jump in. Chat, you help us along with these discussions as well. Does this change the draft for the Packers now?


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[Assistant] What do we think here? Is there, are we gonna see a potential trade?


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[Assistant] I just don't know. Chat, guys, I don't know. Let's imagine if this were our QB1. What are we thinking? What is going through our heads? Daniel Jones says, hey, I need, I want another contract. What are we doing? Five points right before the draft.


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[Assistant] Demands a better contract. What are we doing in this situation? Drew Lock says, I need, I need some assurances here coming forward.


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[Assistant] Let's dive in a little bit deeper there. Let's go back to that scenario, Tom!


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[Assistant] You're saying that this sort of is forcing the Packers hand, it's forcing them to choose Aaron Rodgers or Jordan Love. CHAT!


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[Assistant] Who are you choosing next season? Are you choosing Aaron Rodgers? Or are you choosing Jordan Love? Tom, same question.


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[Assistant] Tom, what are you doing in this situa- literally, what would you do in this situation? Are you appeasing Aaron Rodgers?


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[Assistant] Worst case scenario, what happens Aaron Rodgers as a Packers fan?


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[Assistant] What would a return from the Broncos or the Raiders even look like? What would something look like that might actually get you excited?


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[Assistant] Over Aaron Rodgers right now. The potential, he has way more potential. Aaron Rodgers is on his, what's it called?


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[Assistant] My chat is very mixed right now. What is your chat looking like?


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[Assistant] Embrace the chaos. Hug it out. Hug it out. Let's switch it up a little bit. Let's move on to Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow recently


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[Assistant] You are liking this news of Tim Tebow potentially...


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[Assistant] He might be. We have a former NFL player though coming in the stream. He's going to be, we're going to be asking him some questions. You know, what was it like for you on draft day? Where were you? How did it go down? How did you realize you were drafted?


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[Assistant] And we'll have some questions and some opportunities for you to ask him some questions. I think Five Points knows him a little bit better if you want to.


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[Assistant] See, I, people always said that. People, and I was like, oh, this guy must be, and I'm, I'm next to the guy. He is not that impressive. You know, who is Kyle Pitts? That guy is lanky. You know, who is?


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[Assistant] Mo Bamba, we're changing it up a little bit, center from the magic. That guy is tall, but I've been around athletes, big people. What year was this? When you... This is, so the first time I met Tim Tebow.


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[Assistant] Was my junior year. I was a junior and he was still walking around. No, I was a sophomore.


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[Assistant] Because he was still walking around campus. I think his like upper level years, he just didn't, he didn't come on campus because it just was too much. Too many people were hounding him. He had to get to class, you know.


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[Assistant] We just lost to LSU. Okay, so we had just lost to LSU.


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[Assistant] Everyone was really down, like the whole town really was down, and I see Tim Tebow.


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[Assistant] But I've met him a couple times past that, uh. So I saw him in twenty.


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[Assistant] You wanna know about Jordan Reed? Jordan Reed also went to Florida. Listen to this story. Look, I gotta flex one time, okay? One time. Let me flex, chat. Do it. Uh, Jordan Love story. We're at...


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[Assistant] Florida, go Gators. We're at the student rec.


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[Assistant] It's about to close. In. Walks in. Four or five. Jacked. Black dude. Just jacked.


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[Assistant] They're like, yo, y'all wanna run one more? I had my squadron of five.


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[Assistant] And then these jack black dudes just walk in. Y'all want to run one more? I said, absolutely, because I recognized one of them.


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[Assistant] And I'll tell you something, he was better at basketball than he was at football. This man was a, and a lot of football players are, a lot of football players


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[Assistant] Start off as basketball players, and they just aren't that good at basketball. And they all play Titan.


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[Assistant] It comes down to the last shot. Okay, I got the ball. We're down two. We're playing straight to 15.


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[Assistant] It's 14-13, we have the ball. If I make it three-pointer, we win it all. I kid you not. You're gonna think I'm lying. I kid you not, Chet.


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[Assistant] Jordan Love is guarding me. I come up, hit him with the Magruder, jeet.


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[Assistant] Exactly, it went, ehm, that, that, hey, that moment solidified my legacy at the student rec.


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[Assistant] Trade him to our AFC team, please. Tom, can you tell them at least trade him to our AFC team? Can we get that?


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[Assistant] Who is a player that played on your team that you root for currently? For me?


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[Assistant] It was Dez, right? When Dez was on the rave, I'm like, yo, rave, I'm throwing up the X.


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[Assistant] Let's just go around. What is one player in chat? You can be thinking of this as well. One player that you root for, it doesn't matter what their...


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[Assistant] We're coming towards the tail end of the stream. We're still waiting on Uche. Uche has just joined. So what we're going to do is if you guys have any questions for Uche, you can comment those now and I'll pull a few from everyone's stream.


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[Assistant] What's going on everybody? How are you? So much. Welcome to clickbait sports pre-draft coverage. Hmm. Where will you be watching the draft at?


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[Assistant] So for the people who don't know who you are, can you just kind of give a rundown of your career, where you played, and how that went as a player?


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[Assistant] So let's go back to Purdue, back to the Boiler Maker days, right? You go through all four years, you're tearing it up. You're at Purdue, you're boiling these people. Now the end of your four years has come. The draft. What do you do? Like, did you get invited to go to the combine?


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[Assistant] Did you have a pro day? What was that process like?


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[Assistant] So yes, you're on the tape footage. You're like, go watch my tape, I got good tape.


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[Assistant] Oh lineman, were you looking at your rank? You're like, okay, well, if they take this guy, I could go here or this guy.


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[Assistant] If they take this guy, I could go here instead. Were you going through the-


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[Assistant] Some dude came out and said about some Florida running back that he has some questionable, like he's doing something questionable when in actuality this guy had a clean slate. He didn't even do anything. But there's one guy chirping on the internet


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[Assistant] That is true. That is very true. So we only have a couple more minutes left. I think we should all go around and give our final prediction of what we think our team will do in the 2021 draft. I'll start.


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[Assistant] Kyle Pitts is there, we're taking him. I think he goes forward to the Falcons. I think the Cowboys take the first defensive player available. Patrick Shartan the second, easy, cut and dry. If he's not there for some reason, J.C. Horne. That is what the Cowboys will do. Scooter McGruder said it first. Five points.


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[Assistant] There you have it. Now what about the Broncos though? What are the Broncos doing? Brandon, Perna, that good sport, what, what, what's going on?


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[Assistant] Well guys, that is going to do it for the pre-draft coverage, but don't go anywhere because all of us are individually streaming and we're going to tell you where you can find our streams and what times you can find us streaming. I'll be back.


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[Assistant] Twitch.tv slash Scooter Magruder, 7pm Eastern. You want to stop by? I don't know why I decided to go that early. 7pm Twitch.tv slash Scooter Magruder. Five points. Where the, can they find you and treat?


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[Assistant] 8pm dumpster fire, five points and three. That good sports. Brandon, where can they find you?


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[Assistant] Where can we watch the live depression take place?


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[Assistant] Okay, so there you guys have it. I hope you enjoyed the first ever NFL pre-draft show. Clickbait shorts. Scooter McGruder. I will see you guys next Thursday, 5 PM Eastern. Clickbait shorts. I can't wait for time to


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[Assistant] Don't you do that! Uh oh, that could tip the scales here late! Uh oh!


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[Assistant] You know, you don't want like someone just delivering food to your house. You need to get it from the source with a live-in chef.


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[Assistant] So, ladies and gentlemen, just a recap. Last week, uh, UrinatingTree lost and was donated the most money and had to dress up as Tsudowoodo, the Pokemon.


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[Assistant] Unfortunately, uh, there was not a real good Sudowoodo costume out there, so instead- Not in Hot Demand. Nope. He dressed as a tree. And so, ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please. Urinating tree as... A tree. A tree.


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[Assistant] Like, listen, I just want to take a moment and thank Tree.


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[Assistant] For helping the hobbits when they were in the woods and helping take down Saruman. I appreciate that.


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[Assistant] And that's not all with your punishment, by the way, because- No, not at all. I have to eat a really bad sandwich. From Pramantes! From Pramantes! Pramantes. Prometheus.


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[Assistant] That is not the only punishment that is being unveiled today. Because last week, one Scooter McGruder was not here because in his quote, and I quote, I was not ducking you, which sounds like he was ducking.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, he is back having to dress as a Green Bay Packers cheerleader, and boy oh boy, it's something special.


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[Assistant] Oh no, that's not, that's not what I wanted.


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[Assistant] I feel like I saw this on an Amer- like an American Horror Story episode. Like I feel like that's what Tree is Dressed says, right? Cause that looks like it's, it's snug. Yeah.


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[Assistant] So again, Ian Ra- like literally right as we went live, Ian Rapport said that he spoke with Brown's attorney, and they said that he is vaccinated. So, I mean, I don't know if this is... Can you prove that though?


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[Assistant] Well because I think he'll be suspended because with Aaron Rodgers, the NFL and the Packers are new.


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[Assistant] I mean, if he directly like lied about it and like lied to the NFL, I mean, I think you could justify it. Sure. Because I think that if you're following, if you're not following protocols, I mean, look at the Packers, right? So they didn't follow, they were fined $300,000. If it happens again, they're going to lose draft picks. So.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean like, I don't think they're gonna mess around with that. Uhm, and again, we don't know if this is the case, but I, Prerna brought up a good point about like, how do you prove this? And besides obviously like an actual vaccine card.


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[Assistant] The only way that I can think about it, uhm, is if Ms. Frizzle kind of takes the class on a field trip and they shrink down again and they go inside Antonio Brown's body and see if the vaccine is in there.


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[Assistant] Now, I know that we, you know, bashed Scooter for like a hot second, but I want to make sure that


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, easily bashed. We all know where we're going with this. Lay it on me! Lay it on me.


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[Assistant] The chargers, the ravens, the bangles, the vikings, the titans, the chiefs, and the browns.


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[Assistant] Oh, so basically just Lambo South. Okay, well in that case then it's still gonna be the Packers, so.


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[Assistant] I mean, again, as, as history, and as Tree knows, in that stadium, we have some good fortune in that stadium. I mean, you know that too, Scooter, from, you know, every time you play us in the playoffs. So I'm thinking, you know, yeaah, here's what I legitimately want. If the Packers don't get the number one seed,


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[Assistant] Like, I wanna play the Buccaneers, I wanna play the Cowboys, and I, I had to think about the third team I wanna play on, like, the Revenge Tour, just because, in order to get to the Super Bowl. But, you have no bad ideas. Yeah, but neither of them are gonna make the playoffs, so.


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[Assistant] Like, it might be the Cardinals again, just to make up for previous editions of the playoffs where we lost to them. But, yeah, no, listen, I want the Cowboys so bad in the NFC Championship game. 100 million percent. Like, I would, Mike McCarthy,


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, and Mike McCarthy is going to be fat cell, uh, and he's going to explode. Um, I haven't figured out who Android 16 is going to be and who Mike McCarthy is going to step on his head. I mean, how's Michael Gallo playing? You know, he was injured, I know, but you know, I think, uh, yeah, I'm all about it. Okay.


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[Assistant] Buddy, can I get a one shot real quick? Can I just get the, can I just get the, can I get the one frame? Please? Please? Thank you. Thank you.


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[Assistant] Your Dallas Cowboys right now are sitting at two losses. That's true.


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[Assistant] They are going up against the Kansas City Chiefs this Sunday. 425 Eastern. If you lose this game.


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[Assistant] You lose the bet. And I know you're wearing a dress right now, but buddy, that Ryan Fitz Magic jersey is gonna be so big, it's gonna be a dress.


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[Assistant] Scooter, uh, in his infinite wisdom said that the, uh, cowboys were going 15 and 2.


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[Assistant] Uh, this year. And I was like, no chance. And we put a bet on it. This is the beginning of the first episode. We put a bet on it that if the Cowboys win 15-2, I would get him a signed Emmet Smith piece of memorabilia.


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[Assistant] And if they lose, he has to buy a Ryan Fitzmagic Washington football team jersey in the biggest size possible.


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[Assistant] Falcons, uh, do not finish better than the Colts. Well, then you gotta buy a, uh, what was it? A jersey of my choosing from any team and sign that that's


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[Assistant] Alright, so regarding agreement packers, it's all the injuries, uh, however, we're still crushing it there, uh, and two, I think the other biggest disappointment, quite honestly, is the refs. I think,


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[Assistant] By far, because I think that every week, and I know that we kinda have like,


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[Assistant] Recently biased and we're like, oh, it wasn't this bad last year and things like that. But I think that with the.


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[Assistant] And it wasn't necessarily because of what was being played on the field. It was the fact that there was like 20 penalties and it was just non-


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[Assistant] And it kept stopping the game and it was just horrific.


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. So like, I think that, you know, when you start to have outcomes of games that are radically altered, and listen, if it's like for a good reason, like if a team keeps on holding or like there's PI or whatever, but in terms of taunting, the roughing the passer for the most part has been a joke this season.


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[Assistant] But at the same time, like, you look at that Saints-Titans game and how egregious it is that Tannehill's getting hit in the nameplate and they're calling Ruff in the passer and it extends the drive and they get a touchdown out of it. Like, it's-


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[Assistant] So, we still crushing it. And listen, the titans are up there. The titans are definitely up there. Uh, but, green mit packers, yeah.


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[Assistant] No, it's totally missed by the players. So like if you look, yeah, so click that again. So like.


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[Assistant] As we all try to read this chart, we're just like, hold on, let me get my glasses.


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[Assistant] Nope. I want the Lions first win to be against the Minnesota Vikings. Their first and only one. They almost did!


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[Assistant] Can I just say, I know, I don't think this is in the rundown, and I, I would actually use this time to curse, but I'm not out of respect for Scooter. Yo, but straight up, like, screw Zack Stacey. Like, holy crap. That guy needs to be thrown in prison forever. The sad part is,


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[Assistant] I thought he'd do like, okay, but he didn't. I was wrong.


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[Assistant] I will say the only reason why the Falcons could win is because...


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[Assistant] Of what the NFL, like, has been this entire year. Because like, I was like, oh, on GPS, I was just like, oh yeah, watch, like, you know, the Rams get blown out by the 49ers and they got blown out by the 49ers. It makes no sense. Maybe, maybe Matt Ryan is just gonna light it up against the Patriots. I don't, I don't know. That's the only, that's the only thing I got.


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[Assistant] A lot of people want me to get frosted tips. A lot of people are asking that


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[Assistant] I am like, I just want to know the practicality on how to actually make give myself frosted tips. I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to look into this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm gonna stream the game, and then tomorrow I'm finally gonna do that video. People in my chat are telling me to just veto it.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna stream tonight, I'm gonna do GPS tomorrow, and then I'm gonna have a video tomorrow, and then I'm gonna have a Q&A tomorrow, and then I'm gonna figure out how to do frosted tips. So pretty light schedule for Tom. Thank you guys for watching!


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[Assistant] Yeah, Aaron was 13 up there and was number three. So again, and I wholeheartedly agree with this list. It's probably one of the best ones I've seen, uh, that I love how it goes 88, 65, 13. Yeah. But he still somehow makes the top three. Like I feel like Aaron Rodgers legitimately like bribed ESPN and it was like, Hey,


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[Assistant] He threw 148 yards, couldn't even pass 150 on our defense. Shouldn't even be a QB. Yeah, you got five touchdowns. Woo woo. Yeah, try not throwing any.


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[Assistant] Cause are they gonna do this every week? Cause if they are, like, we should bet on it. And if we were to bet on it, who would we use for our betting purposes, Five?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who would we use? I'm good at transitioning to ads that we were supposed to do like 10 minutes ago.


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[Assistant] So do they send it to you in pennies? Like, what does the payout look like?


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[Assistant] Injury's bad. I don't, I don't like injuries. I never root for injuries. You root for injuries?


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[Assistant] And, uh, I just want to say, uhm, uh, you know what? Actually, I'm so glad that we're doing this show right now because, uh, over the weekend, uh, there was an accusation, uh, that was declared against me by one, Brandon Perna, that I was cheating.


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[Assistant] And, uh, I wanted to just, uh, talk about something real quick. Because, uh, we had to draft all the individuals that the chat said and did the meme picks and all that great stuff, right? The only person we had to start was the person designated to start for the entire season, correct?


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[Assistant] And what happened? What happened? You injured Ryan Fitzpatrick because you didn't pick him first, and now he hurt his hip.


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[Assistant] Holy crap. Derek Henry, you know, he's my guy, I need to start every single week, which is fine. The other guys, Jordan Love, Brett Huntley, they're on there. They're just sitting on the bench.


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[Assistant] I could have sworn, like, second preseason game, this was already, like, he was already gonna go back to college, but the fact that it happened, like, it took this amount of time, cause listen folks, like, they made the Texans look good. Like, they looked good.


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[Assistant] And uh, props to Tyrod Taylor. Like go, yo, go sling it, young man. Like go, go rock it. I feel good for him. The Jaguars.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so, you know, cause I asked this kind of question because when the floor came out


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[Assistant] They said that like, uh, I'm sorry, when Roger was talking on Pat McAvee's show, he was saying like that they were low energy before the game and they got ripped for that in the media.


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[Assistant] But I kinda asked Kurt Benkert about that, like, what do you mean, like, low energy? And he said, like, he kind of alluded to that there was this, like, overconfidence that might have been there, because they were like, we're so good, we're the Green Bay Packers, like, we're a really good team, we've been to the NSC Championship, like, you know, back to back, and like, all this stuff, Aaron Rodgers is back, and I think it was kind of just, uh,


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[Assistant] Ten! Oh my gosh. Damn. That was really hard. Like, listen, I don't like the cowboys, but like that was... Oh tree, that was... I said it last week!


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[Assistant] Keep going. Tom, Tom, do your prediction for tonight. I think, uhm, I think Wildflower takes it by...


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[Assistant] Ten is a good one, but I'd say they take it by like, four or five.


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[Assistant] Listen, Scooter still could get donations, so like, we don't know what his numbers are, so. Ah, I've been following him. I think...


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[Assistant] Well, you know what, if I find the time to really invest in this, I'll go hard on it.


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[Assistant] We have heard horrible news over the past hour. Mr. David DeCastro is now released. Very excellent timing. I love that. I don't know what we're doing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, apparently his ankle was not healing up, and we chose not to replace him. Uh, we were talking about Fray Turner, and uhm, yeah. Yeah, we're, uh...


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[Assistant] We're probably really fucked. And don't worry, it's, it's gonna be a very unclean show today. There's gonna be a lot of swearing. There's gonna be so much, uh, swear word bombing that you'd think we were in the Gulf War.


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[Assistant] Well, in the meantime, let's open up to our fantastically esteemed chat. Uh, Scooter McGruder is unfortunately not with us today. He is at the NBA Hype House. He's currently schmoozing with a bunch of far better individuals and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. So maybe we can get, we can get a little


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[Assistant] Yeah, I only remember him from Conan the Destroyer. It was not good. But we will listen up to our esteemed guest. First, the very punishable Tom Rossi, currently bathing in his own tears, sponsored by Head & Shoulders, by the way. Say hi to the chat, buddy.


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[Assistant] Well, you can get that from like CVS or something.


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[Assistant] Oh, speaking of which, there's a challenge right there. Do not tempt the internet. Speaking of which, in my upper right hand corner, the mastermind of the machine that is the disaster of Clickbait Sports himself, Zach Galifianakis clone and Elvis impersonator on Saturday nights, Mr. Brandon Perna. Yep.


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[Assistant] I don't know, you could pull off the bald with the beard.


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[Assistant] Adam looks good bald. Like, Adam is a good looking bald man. I would look like a member of the Adams family. I would look like Uncle Fester if I shaved my head.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's the life topic right now. People are here to see that, so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Pouncy retired even though he fell apart. Villanueva, he's gone to Baltimore. I mean, he fell apart too, but.


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[Assistant] Not to replace David de Castro, whose ankle has apparently not been healing up. I know de Castro's kinda regressed a little bit, but he's still really good.


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[Assistant] Offensive line. And you had guys like Tevin Jenkins and Landon Dickerson available that you could have taken. Second round pick, let's draft a tight end. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] They're not even rebuilding it. It's like they're pretending that they're still competitive on offense, even though like resigning Juju Smith Schuster, uh, bringing like drafting a running back, drafting offensive weapons, just solidifying the defense. I mean,


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[Assistant] It feels to me like you still think you're competitive. I mean, they pissed away a golden window over the past, what, five or so years, and they're deluding themselves into thinking, oh, oh, Ben's coming back for one last ride. This is going to be a special Super Bowl. And it's, uhm,


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[Assistant] Yeah, this is, uh, this has been a pretty, uh, painful off-season. Especially since, uhm, they haven't really done much because of the cap. And, uhm, yeah.


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[Assistant] And now he is no longer smiling. He is with the Houston Texans.


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[Assistant] I'm looking at the Steelers schedule right now. Week 1, Steelers, Bills, I think that's a loss. Week 2, Raiders, Steelers, that's a coin flip because the Steelers always play the Raiders poorly. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter how, they always somehow lose. Bengals, I think that's a win. Steelers, Packers,


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[Assistant] Depends if Roger's playing. I mean, if Roger's just playing, I think they lose. And then it's going to be, uh, miserable salty bitch me. Uh-huh. Bronco Steelers? Once again, I, I don't know. Who's my quarterback? Is it Aaron Rodgers? Because we don't know if Aaron Rodgers is coming. That's a coin flip. He's not. He's not. Seahawks Steelers? Nope. That's another coin flip.


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[Assistant] Uh, Steelers Browns, I think Browns won. Bear Steelers, another coin flip depends who they're starting. Lion Steelers, I think that's a win for the Steelers. Steelers Chargers, I think they lose. Steelers Bengals, I think they win.


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[Assistant] Um, Raven Steelers, coin flip again. Steelers, Vikings, another coin flip. Titans, Steelers, I think they lose. And then Chiefs, Browns, and Ravens, like they're, the backend of their schedule is brutal. Like starting from December, it's like starting seven, like I've only like circled like four really guaranteed wins. So,


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[Assistant] The Steelers don't tank though. So like if they have like a really bad year, they have not had a sub five wing year since 1969.


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[Assistant] So if they have anything below five wins, that's rock bottom for this franchise.


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[Assistant] Nah, honestly, they're not going under five. They'll probably be like six or seven. Maybe eight and eight or like eight, eight and one. Tomlin can keep pretending that he, you know, that they can force this narrative that Mike Tomlin hasn't had a losing season. So maybe there's that.


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[Assistant] Speaking of which, let's go into something a little less risque. Let's talk about pictures taking their pants off. To talk about steak stuff.


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[Assistant] Well, Brandon knows a lot about sticky substances, especially with his Tom Brady Lego that he had to destroy to, uh, uh, banish the evidence. But, uh, if those of you are unfamiliar,


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[Assistant] The MOB is having a bit of a controversy right now with sticky substances, a thing called spider tack, which allows repetitions per minute to go up by thousands.


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[Assistant] Especially in that regard. So the bigger guys were like, you know, Garrett Cole, Trevor power. There were a few other guys like there was a Los Angeles Angels trainer that really introduced like a lot of people to that.


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[Assistant] So now MLB has really overreacted because it's become a three true outcomes game, strikeouts, walks and home runs. And a lot of people are kind of tuning out or not focusing. So they're like, we got to crack down on this hard.


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[Assistant] And so in between innings, they have to unbuckle their belts. They have to turn off their hat, take off their hats. They have to remove their gloves. Uhm, and it was supposed to not happen.


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[Assistant] Max Scherzer is not exactly the kind of dude that enjoys having his mojo interrupted.


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[Assistant] Well, nobody's going to inspect the catcher because, would you try to inspect Yadier Molina? He would throw a bitch fit the first chance he got. No way. It's on his catch protector.


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[Assistant] You know what they say about balls being mis-thrown or like, inaccurately just, uh, thrown around, man. People can get hurt like that. You can shoot someone's eye out. It's like a Christmas story.


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[Assistant] I don't know man, I mean it's pretty disgraceful what they're doing and how they're presenting it. I feel it's one of those situations where MLB's trying to overcompensate for previous fuckups like they've done for the past 30 years.


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[Assistant] So come, I mean all you have to do like at the end of the year is either just like lower the mound or push it back or both.


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[Assistant] You don't have to, like, put on this dog and pony show about, oh, we care about the sanctity of the game, even though you have a gimmicky runner on second base and extra innings to speed up the game, even though if you're doing it in the middle of innings and in between innings, that's not speeding up the game, Rob.


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[Assistant] Well, that's why they call Coors Field the greatest bar in Denver.


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[Assistant] I mean, like, I feel like they either need fewer games or they need, uhm, the problem is you do fewer games, you're dealing with the sanctity of the game.


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[Assistant] The art of base running, the art of fielding, and the art of just like, uh, timely hitting, it's like dead now.


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[Assistant] It's nothing but strikeouts, walks, and home runs. And the problem is the most boring stuff to watch in the most part, strikeouts and walks, even though, even unless the strikeouts is like on a really amazing pitch.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like it just like, it just gets like, okay, uhm, the last, uh, Pirates game I went to, it was this past weekend, like the seventh inning, it was a big inning. Bunch of strikeout, like two strikeouts, a bunch of walks, two, three run homers.


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[Assistant] And uh, speed baseball. And let's change it up a little bit. We're talking about the NBA playoffs now. There was a certain celebrity that appeared on our radars at the Brooklyn Nets game. It involves a


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[Assistant] A certain man up there who managed to go to Barclays Center and, uh, did you?


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[Assistant] So tell us, uh, take us through that whole situation. How did you guys meet each other? Did you like, uh, go out for coffee? Did you, uh, switch numbers? Have you swapped dick pics yet?


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[Assistant] Speaking of embarrassments, let's talk about the Sixers and their, uh, their, their failings. That was a, uh, that was embarrassing. If you were familiar with the Sixers, they, uh, Choke. 16 point lead in game four. 26 point lead in game five. In game seven, they just died.


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[Assistant] It's Ben, I am Ben Simmons. Here is the layup. I'm gonna pass the ball right underneath the basket.


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[Assistant] I just received some news coming in from the Twitter Telegram. Ben Simmons has just signed a three year deal with the Shanghai Sharks of the CBA. Are you kidding? No, I'm not. I'm fucking kidding.


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[Assistant] I want them to experience the pain in most regards. Unless they like, prove like, hey, they did really well, they have a good team game. Like, I don't have any rooting interest against the Islanders. I actually want them to advance because I like the team how it's constructed and how it's built. If any of you were familiar with game six of the Isles last night,


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[Assistant] There was a lot of cross-checking of one particular man by the name of Nikita Kucherov, who's out for the game. His penalty was never called. There were a bunch of penalties not called on both sides. There's a lot of penalties not called in the Vegas Montreal series.


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[Assistant] So here's my question. If it's a throwback, do the Washington football team go back to their red skin side?


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[Assistant] Oh, I have a quick analysis. I know exactly how you're playing. Using your noggin. That's always how to be a good YouTuber.


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[Assistant] What is man? That's what we're going to talk about. And that is a terrible looking logo. What's that from the seventies? Yeah.


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[Assistant] What? Where'd that one go? Somebody said communism rules.


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[Assistant] I made 134.94. Mostly out of probably people wanting to dunk on me for DeCastro being released. And Mr. Brandon Perna!


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[Assistant] I'm going to give this a family civil war on team ownership out of 10.


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[Assistant] Thank you all for joining us on this terrible occasion. I am a pissed off Yenzer. That is a man who is ready to jack himself off furiously to Matt LaFleur and his beautiful, beautiful wife named Robert Sala. This is a man that's about to be punished to be in


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[Assistant] About uh, win a Grammy for best individual performance. And that man right there, I think you have something else to announce us in the future as well about a certain creator?


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[Assistant] I'll take this because I watched the majority of the game last night. Didn't watch it all. I got a little tired. You know, sometimes you eat too much pasta and you get hit with a food coma and you check out.


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[Assistant] My friend texted me, he said, right before the game, he said, Lakers or Warriors, I'm putting a grip on the Warriors at plus 5.5. And I was like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think the Lakers will win. I think that the Warriors will cover, but the Lakers will win. And in my text I put, because the league is rigged. Okay? That's what I said. The league is rigged.


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[Assistant] Right, but Warriors just come out bawling. Okay? Steph Curry?


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[Assistant] And I was like, and that's why I went to sleep, I was like, alright, this game's got, the Warriors are the better team, they got the MVP, Steph Curry, but then I forgot about LeBron.


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[Assistant] That's what we're trying to figure out. One correction, 9 or 10 cannot go all the way to 7. Yea, 9 or 10 can get into 8.


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[Assistant] So now Steph Curry could possibly, if he loses again, could be out of the playoffs after an MVP year.


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[Assistant] Oh, well, Scooter's gotta get to his point that we just completely derailed.


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[Assistant] You know, like Phoenix is mad, right? Like they get the Lakers who just tanked like the whole year just coasted and they were winning games. Like I think the top two seed should get like a buy or something or foot massages. Some type of perk for


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[Assistant] Hold on, before we get on to- Tom, have you ever cussed in class accidentally? Like-


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[Assistant] Were you aware? His soundbites, first of all, are amazing.


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[Assistant] I had no idea that he had so much personality. Uh, he was brought to the NBA way too early and just kind of never developed. He had some good games like in his career. But anyways, all the things that he says about Matt Barnes I like completely agree with because Matt Barnes seems like that type of guy.


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[Assistant] Just, uh, you know, backstabber, all these things that, you know, the way he played, like, cause Matt Barnes, he called him a wannabe tough guy, which is just pretty much describes how Matt Barnes played. Like he would get in people's faces, but when, when, uh, pushing and shoving came, like he'd always duck kind of behind like a bigger player.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but like, okay, but maybe who's somebody that's been obscure and was like overhyped and then all of a sudden start, cause like Steve Smith is already Kwame Brown, right? Like Steve Smith Sr. has already been that guy calling people out, calling people butt holes, like calling reporters.


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[Assistant] What if Joey Harrington just came out with soundbites, just clapping back at everyone that made fun of him for not being able to read the west coast, understand the west coast offense, you know, like, what if he just came out with all these tirades, like.


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[Assistant] So Teebo for the last five years has been a ticket draw. He's just cashing in on his name. Go ahead.


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[Assistant] How big of a national holiday will it be? In Florida?


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[Assistant] If Tim Tebow throws a touchdown pass.


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[Assistant] Bro, in the 2021-2022 NFL season.


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[Assistant] Well let's bring it back here, let's bring it back here. Let's bring it back though.


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[Assistant] How bad does he have to be? Cause I would think, I would bet a large sum of money that he makes the 53 man roster.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, when he came out of Florida State, I wanted the Giants to draft him.


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[Assistant] Simply because he's the proto, he was at the time the prototypical Eli Manning receiver. Big ball and could out jump anyone. And Manning, as I've said before on this show, Eli used to float balls high.


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[Assistant] And, uh, Plaxico Blurrus would climb the ladder and bail him out. So I wanted Benjamin on this team. Now, uh, nine some odd years later, uh, he is on the team.


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[Assistant] And, um, yeah, I, if he can contribute, we've had trouble at tight end. We got Kyle Rudolph in there, Evan Ingram. He could probably learn a thing about dropping passes from Evan Ingram.


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[Assistant] And uh, he could be a welcome addition. He's a, he's a football veteran. He's been around the locker room. And one thing I would do want to rewind is if Tebow makes the roster, I think he gets a pension.


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[Assistant] No other player was as overhyped when Tin Thiebaud was a Bronco. He had his own NFL Network top 10 Thiebaud moments. Right?


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[Assistant] What if he's on fire, Sarah? What if they just put Julio out by the curve and say free or best offer, you know?


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[Assistant] Someone just put in a hundred dollar, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, now like, close. Took me up to one twenty-eight sixty-two.


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[Assistant] Sports ballitis. It's a deadly disease. I needed 15 CCs of drama, of random YouTube drama ingested into my stream immediately to offset the horrible sportsitis.


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[Assistant] This guy lost two week- last week, I lost two weeks ago, uh, five lost, and then magically went on vacation so he punished last week. Uh, Tom was, um, punished and then he vanished, uh, some random Vikings fan came in. Uh, we have not punished this guy, this guy down here. We need to punish him.


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[Assistant] Sarah Fuller would be a very good pick. I think that's a tremendous steal.


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[Assistant] And throw the ball. Dude, she can kick extra points. Hey, you have a clutch field goal. You need to kick at the one yard line. She can nail that.


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[Assistant] I would say Andrew Lockhart. We already, we already. I drafted, I just did it. That's the power I have.


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[Assistant] You know what? We need another tackle. Let's draft Kanaisuul. Yeah, I mean, they do need a tackle.


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[Assistant] We'll do the auto-draft on Madden feature and then let everything else pick from there.


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[Assistant] And I know you're probably going to be angry at me. New England. I think they make a trade here.


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[Assistant] If they swap with the, with the Falcons, it's possible. Yep. And then they pick the quarterback of the future.


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[Assistant] No, they just do the dual QB system. It's the new rent innovative thing with passing being at the forefront. You don't know who's going to throw the ball. Is it going to be Justin Fields or Joe Burrow? The fences are going to be at your fingertips.


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[Assistant] I'd say Slater or, uh, Sartan. Those would be my favorite.


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[Assistant] Jaylen Waddle would think, but I mean, it's drafted so much wide receiver capital that's flopped. I don't know if they get like a little traumatic situation over that.


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[Assistant] They're probably going Bateman here, you know, to appease Alan Robinson.


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[Assistant] I don't know. What happened with the Bears? They went from 10 kickers in one, uh, one offseason to 10 tight ends and I think they go 10 quarterbacks here because Matt Nagy's broken and he wants his answer.


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[Assistant] I don't know, Mike McAgnan's not here. I think they're okay on that front.


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[Assistant] I mean, they've lost, their entire left side's been decimated. Matt Filer's gone. I think Villanueva's probably gone. Marquis Pouncey's retired. Uh, my pick, like my logical pick would be a guy like an Alex Leatherwood from Alabama.


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[Assistant] or a walker little. But I'm, my deathly fear is that the Steelers are going to think they're a running back away because running back was really weak last year.


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[Assistant] Probably next year or the year after.


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[Assistant] Oh, Jared Cook! I love that picture. Yeah, that was good. Yes, I remember you imitated that in Dallas.


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[Assistant] I mean, I feel like he's fine. He does have Godwin on a one-year deal, but I think he's okay. You have Mike Evans long-term, Scotty Miller. I feel really good. You do have Antonio Brown might come back. So I feel like if they go anywhere, they might do Jill and Phillips.


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[Assistant] It's, it's what the, it's what the Patriots did for a long time. Hey look, you wanna ring? Sign with us for cheaper. There you go. That's the only leverage you need. Ooh, I mean, Jason Light's job is really easy right now. It's like, go on.


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[Assistant] Wait, wait, somebody got a worse grade than the um, who got an F? Who got an F?


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[Assistant] Nothing wrong with that, man. I believe you.


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[Assistant] I had to wear an Antonio Brown shirt. You guys made me eat dog food.


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[Assistant] I don't know what I'm working on yet. I know I've released a couple vids over the past couple days, uh, revisiting the 2016 NFL draft, uh, something regarding a more current topic over yesterday, but at this point I'm just,


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[Assistant] Welcome into Clickbait Sports. The only sports show that is open about its attempts to trick you into watching its nonsense every week. I'm Brandon Perna here with Scooter McGruder. Tom Crosby.


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[Assistant] A few updates here. If anybody's joining us for the first time, we missed last week.


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[Assistant] Uhm, because Tom had his wisdom teeth pulled.


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[Assistant] I had a violent stomach flu thing that I got from my daughter and wife and I will not go into detail of how disgusting our home was last week.


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[Assistant] Struders got stitches in his knee. Steve? Healthy?


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[Assistant] You can just schedule four prostate exams with your doctor every year. Now your doctor will tell you that is excessive, but it's like, I'm just going to be safe. And the only way to know that you're healthy is it with the prostate exam.


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[Assistant] Yeah, most of them actually pay me to show up for those appointments, so.


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[Assistant] You tell me guys, you tell me. Today though, we are going to be doing a lot of things. One, two minute drill. We each got our, our favorite story from the week. Uh, we get two minutes uninterrupted.


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[Assistant] To, uh, I don't know, convince the audience that we're right.


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[Assistant] And, since, uh, Tom Grosse's Lord and Savior, Aaron Rodgers, is hosting Jeopardy this week,


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[Assistant] Uhm, we thought doing a Jeopardy trivia type segment would be good. I've got questions for everybody about their personal teams. So we'll do that, but first.


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[Assistant] The, uh, thumbnail from today is of legendary wide receiver Brandon Marshall, who has his own podcast, I Am Athlete. Uh, Brandon Marshall, looking back at his stats, really underrated career. I think people kind of forget like how insanely talented Brandon Marshall was.


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[Assistant] I followed him pretty closely because he started with the Broncos. But now, uhm, this week he is a meme for, uhm,


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[Assistant] Digging in and defending a topic.


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[Assistant] That he's mostly incorrect about? So I'll just play the clip, and then, uh, we'll talk about our new hero, the master of clickbait himself, Brandon.


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[Assistant] Like, it's probably something, you know, more significant than what he's talking about in


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[Assistant] On his podcast, like going that hard about guaranteed money in, uh, NBA contracts, like that's like a weird thing to get that worked up about. But then if you think about probably some of the worst arguments you've had with your significant other,


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[Assistant] It usually starts over something like really stupid, but it's like a bunch of stuff you've probably been harboring in your relationship that you haven't said for a while. And so it's like, you left the clothes out in the living room again?


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[Assistant] And it's about some bigger thing, but you're like fighting about clothes or something stupid like that? Just sets it off. Just sets it off.


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[Assistant] Oh, I forgot to mention at the very beginning, this is a bad job by the host, one of the points of this show is we all have super chats. And the person who gets the most super chat money is the loser.


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[Assistant] And so this week's punishment was supposed to be for five points, Adam, who's not here, and he's got to wear his, uh, Yankees jersey. And like we said, he magically had a vacation to go on to.


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[Assistant] So whoever gets the most super chats today will lose the episode and we will determine a fitting punishment to humiliate them in the most


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[Assistant] Uh, painful way that hurts their soul possible.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think part of the, the, like, the goal is when somebody makes the most Super Chat money, is they then have to use that money to buy something that they would never ever use. So Adam had to buy a Yankees jersey, that seems pretty fitting.


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[Assistant] Uh, so I like encouraging people to give us money that we have to blow on something we will just absolutely never use and probably burn one day. Probably burn.


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[Assistant] As a Giants fan, he kind of gets that anyway during the season.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, there's like this little thing that goes off in your head that says,


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[Assistant] Literally, that would be a very popular fetish video.


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[Assistant] It's tricky when your vocabulary is limited. That is 90% of...


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[Assistant] Yeah, we can go for our two minute drill. Alright, hit the graphic!


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[Assistant] Oh, I do have a graphic for that, but it's just me doing a drill in the air and I didn't think you guys would want to see that.


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[Assistant] I will help you out, and by Randy Moss, it's a guy who's gonna be great every time he doesn't take a playoff.


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[Assistant] Uh, us and Steve, aka UrinatingTree is, I will believe the Broncos are gonna win the Super Bowl every year, Scooter's gonna believe it about the Cowboys, Tom's gonna believe it a bit about the Packers, Steve's gonna believe only the worst is going to happen to his team until proven otherwise.


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[Assistant] But, uh, you know, I'm sorry, Tom.


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[Assistant] Before we get all high and mighty here, uh, has any of you watched all three Extended Lord of the Rings in one day? No.


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[Assistant] Okay, I don't remember if we had milkshakes but we definitely made spaghetti.


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[Assistant] I think, uh, the secret to the two minute drill is when you run out of time, you just start insulting Adam. I think that's how we can get through this.


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[Assistant] Uh, Tom, that's my recommendation for you. And you are up next.


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[Assistant] It is just a wee little bird. I think we had some names the last episode, we never got to.


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[Assistant] Alright, final two minutes is for me. Okay. Some say it's the most important two minutes of the show. I wouldn't say that. I would never say something like that. Uh, I will start my own time since I am the host today and that time starts now. Oh shit, I hit the wrong button.


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[Assistant] LANGUAGE! Oh, yea, here we go! Seven seconds in.


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[Assistant] The Chiefs are proposing a rule change to allow wide receivers, running backs, tight ends, linebackers, and defensive backs to wear single digit numbers. That's fine, but I don't care.


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[Assistant] And I don't understand why grown men are really excited about players being able to wear single digit numbers. It just seems so frivolous to me. Now, that said, I think kickers should only be allowed to wear the numbers 19 and 14.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and I don't say that because at age 14 I started just getting nipple hair and only nipple hair on my body. I'm not saying that because it was an uncomfortable year for me.


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[Assistant] And I'm not saying that because at age 19, I realized that for the rest of my life, I would be


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[Assistant] A man stuck in a boy's body. So it has nothing to do with either of those reasons. They're just dumb numbers.


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[Assistant] So caring about player numbers as an adult man to me is the same as all of the adult men super genuinely excited to watch the new Space Jam.


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[Assistant] Twelve, Ruin for Me, by Tom Brady.


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[Assistant] Uh, I just can't look at that number anymore and enjoy it. Uh, especially because Aaron Rodgers can't beat him ever in the AFC Championship, NFC Championship games. Uhm, and that's it. That's two minutes. I did it.


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[Assistant] And you might think that I care about numbers after that rant, but I don't. How much do you weigh? Honestly? No, lie. Say you weigh 205. 205, baby. 205, a pure muscle. Uh, well.


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[Assistant] This is sensitive subject because right now I've been sick so much the last few months I haven't been able to keep on weight.


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[Assistant] Anytime, remember the Titans is on. I watch it. It's like, oh yeaah. Oh yeaah, what's


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[Assistant] When I was a kid, I watched a league of their own probably in a crazy amount of times.


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[Assistant] Never desexualize a rabbit. That's just a philosophy I live by.


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[Assistant] Alright, get off Lollabunny. Okay. Good, that's all we should do.


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[Assistant] Okay, so I was cruising Reddit, as you do from time to time, and some gentle fellow named, uh, broseph, broseph, mojo, mogo,


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[Assistant] And, uh, his rules are kinda ridiculous.


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[Assistant] Some actually make a little sense, and I just wanted to go through some of these rule changes.


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[Assistant] And get your guys' opinion on him. Uh, here's the official Reddit post. So he gets the credit he deserves.


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[Assistant] Uh, first rule. This one's great.


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[Assistant] Every time you tackle someone, they cannot be used until a first down.


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[Assistant] So, Devonte Adams catches a seven yard pass for the Packers. Second down, he can't be on the field anymore until Packers convert. Crazy idea!


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think maybe you exempt, make the quarterback exempt for that rule to actually work. Yeah, I disagree. No, I think that quarterback


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[Assistant] Oh yea, maybe it is draft picks or yea, it'd have to be picks, right?


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[Assistant] And they, they worked their way back up. It seems like the rams have just been a ridiculous amount, uh, over the cap and they're just like, eh, we'll, we'll figure it out later. It was like, when, when are the rams going to fix their cap situation? This would solve it. Tradable cap space.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I think like a slight fix there is the, uh,


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[Assistant] Holding, that's the five yard penalty and also an automatic first down. Like just make it the five yards. If you're going to call the defensive holding, just give them the five yards. The automatic first down in those situations, really unfair to the defense.


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[Assistant] And maybe like the pass interference not being spot fouls. So it's like a 15 yard or something.


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[Assistant] Uhm, here's a rule I liked from, uh, the Reddit thread. You are allowed to hit the quarterback as long as the ball is still in the air.


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[Assistant] They sort of did that, but they'll still penalize for taunting, right? So there's like this fine line between a celebration and a taunt. And I think...


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[Assistant] Grown men should be able to be taunted. Uh, we're taunted on YouTube.


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[Assistant] But you should be able to penalize Tyree Kill anytime you want. That should just be in the rules as well.


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[Assistant] I think you're right. I think it should be between two fans though, right? So it's a, it's a Broncos fan versus the opposing fan, just like that scene from Cable Guy, when they're jousting in the Medieval Times restaurant. Yep.


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[Assistant] Big ratings there, and I also like that you started that talking about mile high being a mile high and that had nothing to do with the actual, uh, rule.


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[Assistant] No, the backup quarterback. So they earn their paychecks. Ooh, I like that.


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[Assistant] Maybe, what if you had drunk, drunk backup QBs and it's an accuracy contest?


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[Assistant] Alright, we're going to end this show with our Jeopardy segment. It is trivia!


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[Assistant] I tried to keep these equally as tough, but it's hard, uhm, so we'll just see. Everybody gets three questions. This is of course to honor.


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[Assistant] The legendary Aaron Rodgers who's basically been saying my name every day on Jeopardy.


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[Assistant] Well, yeaah, I'm ready, yeaah. What happened? Oh, that bad.


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[Assistant] There's gonna be a 10 second time limit to, for your answer, right? 10 seconds. That's fair to everybody. At least an hour.


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[Assistant] The stream went on for six days because they are idiots. Alright, first question.


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[Assistant] Answer in form of the question. You know how the rules of Jeopardy, right? Okay. This household item was used by Michael Irvin to stab teammate Everett McIver after the two got into an altercation over who was next in line to get a haircut.


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[Assistant] It's because he thought it was his turn to get a haircut. Valid.


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[Assistant] Once the person, uh, guessing if they, if they can't get it, if somebody else wants to chime in.


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[Assistant] Uh, go ahead and you'll get a bonus point for getting the other person's question right. Make sense? Alright. Okay. This question's for Steve. Oh dear.


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[Assistant] Alright, Steve, your question or answer.


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[Assistant] This future reality TV star was the starting quarterback for Louisiana Tech before Terry Bradshaw.


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[Assistant] Phil Robertson from Death Dynasty. Oh, that guy!


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[Assistant] Alright, Tom. Yeah. Here we go. I got this. This New York Giants defensive back intercepted Brett Favre's final pass as a Green Bay Packer.


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[Assistant] You guys have combined for a score of zero. Good job. Yes, you are incredible. Question two for Scooter. Reset the timer.


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[Assistant] Not only is the first part of this two part name a TV network, it is also the name of Jerry Jones 357 foot long super yacht.


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[Assistant] You don't know. I mean, people know Bill Belichick's boat's name because of his Super Bowl rings.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I also would have accepted Jerry Jones has a super yacht because it's the only time he gets to use the word super in terms of something he owns.


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[Assistant] This porn star, this porn star, claimed Ben Roethlisberger. Stormy Daniel. Correct.


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[Assistant] Aaron Rodgers attended this community college in Northern California. What is Butte Community College? That is correct. It was answered in the form of a question.


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[Assistant] 12,977 yards. This player is the Dallas Cowboys all-time leading receiver in yards.


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[Assistant] Bobby Shaw, Bobby Shaw caught a 90 yard touchdown pass from Cordell Stewart in 2001 to equal the longest touchdown pass in Steelers history. Whose record did he equal?


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[Assistant] Mark Malone, by the way, was a Steelers quarterback who looked like Tom Selleck and Terry Bradshaw threw him the 90 yard touchdown pass.


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[Assistant] This boy band performed at the halftime show of Super Bowl 32.


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[Assistant] That is basically going to go to a very nice bottle of whiskey, so thank you Super Chatters.


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[Assistant] Yes. I hate life. I feel like we need to commission a piece of art that's all soaring over Ben Roethlisberger's head from the Browns and Steelers shellacking in the playoffs. But, or something similar.


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[Assistant] We'll see what we can do. And that's only because, uh, the Patriots


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[Assistant] Don't worry, I'm just, I'm just giving people an update. They wanted an update, I tried to talk about it like a sane person because it's crazy and, uh,


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[Assistant] But then after that, my favorite episode every year.


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[Assistant] I think, but yea, but it's all the guys actually reading.


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[Assistant] Hey, I came prepared to be the host, not a player, not a player.


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[Assistant] I think we could do a mock draft here, like through one of the simulators where we're trying to basically just piss off the other guys and the teams that they like.


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[Assistant] And, uh, never forget, we did have a fifth host, who we won't mention his name.


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[Assistant] Thank you. Thank you. I'm very, I'm very happy to be here. No, you're not.


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[Assistant] I know what mine is, easily, for me. I think...


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[Assistant] For me, what I use, what I used to do is I used to do these logo critiques. I still do them. I haven't done them in a while. I've just been kind of saving them up.


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[Assistant] But I would put critiquing every NFL logo secrets and hidden meetings and there'd be like one secret or one hidden meeting. And in fact, there weren't any hidden meetings and it was just me like.


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[Assistant] Basically making stuff up the whole time, so. But I knew that it would be very clickbait. That's like how I launched my entire channel was saying secrets and hitting meanings when there were no secrets or hitting meanings. So, that was, uh, my experience with clickbait.


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[Assistant] Who did you say you were? I said the Giants. I said that it was imperative. Imperative. I don't think I used that word, but I said the Giants had to sign Galadai because they needed a weapon. And now we've got Galadai and Rudolph.


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[Assistant] Two offensive pieces to what should be a decent offense if Evan Ingram learns how to catch. And so I'm gonna say Kenny Golliday was a hit. A hit and you will.


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[Assistant] No, no, no. I'm sure you're not liking that because you used to miss Dave Gettleman signing, you know, or trading away Odell Beckham for Magic Beans.


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[Assistant] The Chicago Bears tweeting out a picture of Andy Dalton with the caption that, with three letter caption that simply said QB1.


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[Assistant] For him photoshopped dropping back. If they start the season with Andy Dalton as their QB1, 4 wins. 4 wins. Maybe 3. 3 and 13. Even with that defense.


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[Assistant] You got a first-hand look at how good Andy Dalton was last year.


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[Assistant] Ooh, do we have a segue? What was your child crush, uh, Tom Grosse? Was it Buddy White? Dragon Ball Z!


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[Assistant] I figured it'd be Betty White from the Golden Girls.


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[Assistant] I, I, I don't want to answer this.


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[Assistant] But sorrow for me. The New York Knickerbockers. Uh, I've started watching them when I was in the eighth grade. Patrick Ewing was the star and they have been garbage ever since. They've made two whole finals. They should have won in 94 and they've been just hot garbage for the last 15, 20 years.


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[Assistant] We didn't get anybody at the deadline. We didn't get any help. We're supposedly gonna make the playoffs.


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[Assistant] They're only relying on Julius Randall playing out of his mind. Which, wow. He did come out of nowhere. I can respect his game, but it's tough being a Knicks fan. We're probably going to first round it, maybe second round it.


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[Assistant] But there's no championship aspirations. We are building a team. We're building a team. We just didn't add any building blocks at the deadline. So let's not even worry about it. I will.


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[Assistant] Hand off, because it's worthless for me to talk about this.


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[Assistant] Yes, he is our, he is our number one scorer when it comes to insults and supposedly getting in the head of other players who instantly swish threes and then look at spike.


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[Assistant] Look, I don't want to segue away from you, that's good, but Jokic might be sneakily.


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[Assistant] Alright, alright, hold on. Before we go on, I just had a thought. Who would win in a fight, bowl bowl or taco fall?


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[Assistant] I'm going with Taco for the reach. Plus his name is Taco, so I'm getting hungry right now.


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[Assistant] Nobody has confidence. You know what? I'm going to coach up bowl bowl and he's going to go knock out taco fall. Let's go bowl. Let's go. Come on. You got the next time out on the court. You match up with taco fall. Just throw a right cross and just be done with it bowl. So tree, who is your NBA


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[Assistant] Perna's down there like, honey, I'm on the air. You know that, right?


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[Assistant] Okay, okay. That's fine, that's fine.


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[Assistant] Uh, the Tank Bowl, uh, Round Ball Rock. Broadcast.


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[Assistant] Uuuuh, gosh. Uh, Sunday Night Football! Uhm. Your time is up. Let's go, Frankie!


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[Assistant] We were in Canada. I know. Here we go.


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[Assistant] A name counts, right? Yeah. Mason Rudolph.


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[Assistant] I asked for a rule, I asked for a rule clarification earlier and I got the ruling.


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[Assistant] No. North Dakota State. Uh, uh, Carson Wentz.


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[Assistant] No, no, well, huh, that's weird. Mine, I've got all mine there.


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[Assistant] Thank you, Graf. I appreciate it. You made me a loser.


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[Assistant] You muted! You muted! You did it again! I could green screen and put Gritty behind me the whole time. I want you to dress up as Gritty!


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[Assistant] That's not a punishment though. I secretly love Gritty, so that's not a punishment. Me spending money on like a Yankees jersey or a Flyers jersey, something that I would rather burn than wear. A Cowboys jersey!


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[Assistant] All right, I'll order today, Rod Jersey. Fine.


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[Assistant] Working on, uh, a baseball cheating video. A most cheatingest video for the most cheatingest moments that have sort of happened in the last two to three years. And, uh, it should be good.


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[Assistant] I think it's madden five points for some reason. I never have been able to change my URL, but, or it might be five points vids. I think so.


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[Assistant] I still have my Raven's nails too. I got, I'm going to get those come Baltimore time. So I'm waiting Tom reveal your


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[Assistant] He's done. At this point, unfortunately, he's been excused from two straight practices. They look like they're probably either gonna cut him or they're gonna let him ride out this contract, tell him to go home and then they'll cut him. You have to consider too, like with that video, it's like,


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[Assistant] That's really just ingenuous of OBJ's dad or whomever he paid to edit it because you have to consider this.


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[Assistant] You don't know what play's being called. You don't know what read he is. You don't know where Baker's looking or if he's facing pressure or anything like that. You don't know if, uh, Odo Beckham was even supposed to be in that position. He might have misread the play.


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[Assistant] Jalen Smith is a pump and dump. He's like, okay, whatever, babe, get in my room and then get out. The other thing is, I told you so, Tom.


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[Assistant] Kaderius Tony for John's quarterback. Drum roll.


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[Assistant] Does a perm protect you from COVID? It makes you immunize, you're good. Is it COVID?


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[Assistant] All the chemicals immunize you. And I'm gonna play the- Oh man, I'll let you guys talk first.


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[Assistant] Getting in that car and driving with a blood alcohol level of .16, the symptoms are pretty much like, you have difficulty talking, walking, and even standing, and he still drove a car 156 miles per hour. Someone is dead because of it, and someone died painfully.


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[Assistant] There is a time for healing and there will be that time, but that's gonna have to take time. Right now, the time is not ready for forgiveness and healing. That will come in maybe 5 to 10 years once everything heals up and it's like, okay, Henry Ruggs just made a huge mistake. And he's not like the worst person in the world, but at the same time,


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[Assistant] People are rightfully angry. A man's career was taken from him due to his own mistakes. A woman's life is dead. Her dog's dead. A family's in trauma. Another family's in trauma. The Oakland or the Vegas Raiders are also


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[Assistant] Have you seen their division? The Colts don't have a clutch gene, the Texans and Jags suck. They're gonna make the playoffs.


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[Assistant] I think he can do a job, but he's, I don't think he's going to be Prime AP, unfortunately.


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[Assistant] I'd love on Miller but there's no room for him.


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[Assistant] Well, my quarterback right now would probably be...


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[Assistant] Hmm. Anyone starting for and it's not because of t


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[Assistant] Don't sweat the ball. Don't do anything. Don't exercise the running game. It's just, it's uninspired dog crap.


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[Assistant] So on Thursday Night Football, we need to talk about the greatest quarterback that has ever existed, the god savior of New York, the premium jet of all time, Mike White. God!


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[Assistant] Legend, legend of legends, Dallas Cowboys draft pick.


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[Assistant] Goes on practice squads, takes over for the number two overall pick against the bungles it throws for over 400 yards. He is a legend, receiving legend, running legend. His receivers unfortunately couldn't catch anything, that's why he had two picks. But he is a god. Mike White, the next Tom Brady. You heard him, you're


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[Assistant] I don't think so. The Colts aren't that good. They have like a bunch of Clutchett juice, especially in the red zone. They are terrible. So I think the Jets have a chance of winning this game.


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[Assistant] What if Cooper Rush goes out and balls out?


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[Assistant] Well, I know like there was a suggestion in the chat, is uh, highlighting all of the Giants draft picks and losing, and 5's reactions to Everybody Hurts. Which is like, ehh.


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[Assistant] Very nice. Well, I've got MLB debriefing coming out. I'm hoping tomorrow. So there's that. And, uh, just wanted to send a quick big congratulations to my sister, Sammy. She's getting married on Saturday. Wow. I'm the last man standing.


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[Assistant] Yes, he posted it. So like, I'm sorry, that's the most cringeworthy embarrassing thing that you can, like, that's the legitimate, your parents fighting your battle. Like, OBJ, to take from Scooter, is a grown man. His dad is literally posting clips on YouTube.


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[Assistant] Bashing the QB and be like, just look how great my son is. And it's just...


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[Assistant] I wish I had the creativity to make something up like that. It's so great.


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[Assistant] Like that was like when uhm, for example, like when we wanted to go after, what was it, Gilmore, like we couldn't do it unless he was released. Like to trade, you had to take on that salary, so we weren't going to be able to. I think the only way that you actually solve this problem is if OBJ's dad, that's phenomenal, if OBJ's dad


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[Assistant] Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life, and I mean that, it was, like, it was, it was a long, arduous day. Uhm, so,


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm sitting here and, uh, I just yell out some expletives because, uh, it says that Aaron Rodgers is ruled out for Sunday cause he has COVID. And all of a sudden there's a lot of confusion going, wait a minute, how can he be ruled out for Sunday already? Like, you know, if he's vaccinated, then like, you know, they could just do two tests within 24 hours and it's fine. So as the day goes on.


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[Assistant] It turns out that Aaron Rodgers is not vaccinated, which sparked a lot of confusion, especially on my part because it was...


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[Assistant] A lot of people's impression that he was vaccinated and so then people, it didn't take very long to go back to the press conference back in August in which Ryan Wood, a Packers beat writer, directly asked him, are you vaccinated? And he said, yeah, I'm immunized.


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[Assistant] And so, at that point, people thought, oh, okay, they didn't push back or anything like that because they said, that's what that means. But as the day went on, Rob Domofsky of ESPN came out and apparently, uhm, he got an alternative, uh,


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[Assistant] And so then, there's more questions that started coming back out because Aaron Rodgers, for example, was like maskless during press conferences. Now, it seems the NFL is like lax-a-daisical on that rule because guys like, for example, Kirk Cousins, who's also unvaccinated, he has done press conferences like without masks. I think Dalvin Cook is unvaccinated as well and he has done the same.


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[Assistant] So I'm guessing there's some leeway there, uhm, but this sparked, uhm,


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[Assistant] A holy hellstorm, uh, on the internet and Aaron Rodgers was trending on Twitter for literally like three hours yesterday and it was just non-stop. The comments in every single one of my videos was a war zone.


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[Assistant] And it was, it was holy hell. People like holding up and going like, wow, good for you, Rogers, not getting the jab. And then others were like incredibly so disappointed with him. And then there was people that were just like, wait a minute, you're losing. Like now Jordan Love is starting cause Kurt Benkert, friend of the show, our practice squad QB also has COVID.


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[Assistant] So, you know, yeaah, it's just, it's a bad thing.


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[Assistant] I don't know how hard they're gonna come down on him, but uhm, yeaah.


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[Assistant] The earliest that he can return is a day before the Seahawks game, and that's only if he's asymptomatic. So yeaah, it's a, uh, it's a nightmare.


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[Assistant] I think the issue was, is he also was not, and this is his prerogative, he was not quick to correct anybody when like there was the assumption that he was vaccinated. And listen, he might've saw like what happened with guys like Cole Beasley, right? And like the hellfire that like rained down on them are Kirk Cousins. Or Cam Newton.


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[Assistant] Or Cam Newton, right? And I think it's a matter of like wanting it both ways and just be like, didn't want like all the backlash because they wanted to have that impression of like, hey, I was Vax. And I mean, the way that I put it,


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[Assistant] I'm more pissed off because for a guy who complained all off season of wanting to be all in and going after the Packers and saying like, listen, I want to win a championship, blah, blah, blah, blah.


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[Assistant] What the problem is now is that like this puts the team at jeopardy, like we're worrying about Jordan Love. I mean, obviously we got Blake Bortles to come in, but like if you look at just competitively, it puts them at a disadvantage and I think like,


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[Assistant] You know, I think that goes against what he's been preaching all off season and putting all the blame on the Packers of not going out and getting guys and all that stuff just seems like a bit hypocritical.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I wanna like clear something up too, like, cause what you guys were just talking about, like, I don't- I think that-


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[Assistant] Her and I were just talking about, we were all just talking about like, I think he didn't want the heat from it, whatever, so it was like,


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[Assistant] He was very intentional with his words. I think at the end of the day, like, he can lie to the media all he wants, and it'll really just be the media and the fan base to judge him. And I'm sure Einroger doesn't care. He's like, whatever.


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[Assistant] You know, as long as he was following protocols within the building, which Matt LaFleur has come out two times now in both his press conferences, 100% is being followed. The NFL knew. Great. Wonderful. No issues. He's going to get fined for the party. 100%. Like that was a big no-no. I think.


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[Assistant] You bring up a great point because they have a game against the Chiefs who like, they have a high scoring offense when they decide they want to play football and not turn the ball over.


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[Assistant] Right? So they have that. And then we have the Seahawks in which Russell Wilson could be back the following week. Like those are two, they're going to be two tough games. And you know, Jordan Love, I hope he's ready. You know, I will say Matt LaFord and give me a lot of confidence when he was directly asked, is Jordan Love ready? And he goes, I guess we'll see, huh?


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[Assistant] I was like, oh, I mean, I prefer that than the Mike McCarthy, Brett Huntley route, which Mike McCarthy just like hyped up Brett Huntley to the moon. And then he was total garbage, but.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it, at the end of the day, I think Aaron Rodgers is gonna get criticized. And I mean, listen, I will sit here and I even said this, like, I was bashing Kirk Cousins this season. Like, I was making plexi class jokes and the whole nine yards. And I think that if this was like Tom Brady, for example, like, can you imagine if this came out about Tom Brady?


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[Assistant] He would be getting crucified by some media and then held up by others. And I think like for me, like to hold my bias aside, like I just want to remain consistent and like, yeah, from a competitive standpoint, just competitive, Rodgers can do whatever the hell he wants, you know, it's his body. But at the end of the day, like he's put his team at a disadvantage.