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[Assistant] And that you will return the letters at the price I indicate which is, I assure you, the highest that you can get.


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[Assistant] Milverton's smile broadened and his eyes twinkled humorously.


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[Assistant] That the occasion of a lady's marriage is a very suitable time for her friends and relatives to make some little effort upon her behalf.


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[Assistant] They may hesitate as to an acceptable wedding present.


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[Assistant] Let me assure them that this little bundle of letters will give more joy.


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[Assistant] I cannot help thinking that ladies are ill-advised in not making an effort. Look at this." He held up a little note with a coat of arms upon the envelope.


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[Assistant] Well, perhaps it is hardly fair to tell the name until tomorrow morning.


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[Assistant] But at that time it will be in the hands of the lady's husband.


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[Assistant] And all because she will not find a beggarly sum which she could get by turning her diamonds into paste. It is such a pity.


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[Assistant] You remember the sudden end of the engagement between the Honorable Miss Miles and Colonel Dawking?


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[Assistant] Only two days before the wedding there was a paragraph in the morning post to say that it was all off. And why?


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[Assistant] It is almost incredible, but the absurd sum of twelve hundred pounds would have settled the whole question. Is it not pitiful? And here I find you a man of sense, boggling about terms.


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[Assistant] When your client's future and honor are at stake, you surprise me, Mr. Holmes. What I say is true, Holmes answered. The money cannot be found.


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[Assistant] Surely it is better for you to take the substantial sum which I offer than to ruin this woman's career, which can profit you in no way.


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[Assistant] There you make a mistake, Mr. Holmes. An exposure would profit me indirectly to a considerable extent.


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[Assistant] I have eight or ten similar cases maturing.


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[Assistant] If it was circulated among them that I had made a severe example of the Lady Eva, I should find all of them much more open to reason. You see my point?


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[Assistant] Home sprang from his chair. Get behind him, Watson. Don't let him out. Now sir, let us see the contents of that notebook.


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[Assistant] Milverton had glided as quick as a rat to the side of the room and stood with his back against the wall. Mr. Holmes, Mr. Holmes, he said.


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[Assistant] Turning the front of his coat and exhibiting the butt of a large revolver, which projected from the inside pocket. I have been expecting you to do something original.


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[Assistant] This has been done so often, and what good has ever come from it? I assure you that I am armed to the teeth.


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[Assistant] And I'm perfectly prepared to use my weapons knowing that the law will support me.


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[Assistant] Besides your supposition that I would bring the letters here in a notebook is entirely mistaken. I would do nothing so foolish.


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[Assistant] And now, gentlemen, I have one or two little interviews this evening, and it is a long drive to Hampstead.


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[Assistant] Laid his hand on his revolver and turned to the door. I picked up a chair, but Holmes shook his head and I laid it down again. With bow, a smile, and a twinkle, Milverton was out of the room.


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[Assistant] And a few moments after we heard the slam of the carriage door and the rattle of the wheels as he drove away. Home sat motionless by the fire.


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[Assistant] His hands buried deep in his trouser pockets, his chin sunk upon his breast, his eyes fixed upon the glowing embers. For half an hour he was silent and still.


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[Assistant] Then, with the gesture of a man who has taken his decision, he sprang to his feet and passed into his bedroom.


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[Assistant] A little later a rakish young workman with a goatee beard and a swagger lit his clay pipe at the lamp before descending into the street. I'll be back some time, Watson, said he, and vanished into the night. I understood that he had opened his campaign against Charles Augustus Milverton.


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[Assistant] But I little dreamed the strange shape which that campaign was destined to take.


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[Assistant] For some days homes came and went at all hours in this attire, but beyond a remark that his time was spent at Hampstead, and that it was not wasted, I knew nothing of what he was doing.


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[Assistant] At last, however, on a wild tempestuous evening, when the wind screamed and rattled against the windows, he returned from his last expedition


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[Assistant] And having removed his disguise he sat before the fire


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[Assistant] And laughed heartily in his silent inward fashion.


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[Assistant] You would not call me a marrying man, Watson. No, indeed. You'll be interested to hear that I'm engaged.


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[Assistant] My dear fellow, I congrats to Milverton's housemaid. Good heavens, Holmes. I wanted information, Watson. Surely you have gone too far. It was a most necessary step.


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[Assistant] I am a plumber with a rising business, Escott by name. I have walked out with her each evening, and I have talked with her. Good heavens, those talks! However, I have got all I wanted. I know Milverton's house as I know the palm of my hand. But the girl homes! He shrugged his shoulders. You can't help it, my dear Watson.


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[Assistant] You must play your cards as best you can when such a steak is on the table.


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[Assistant] However, I rejoice to say that I have a hated rival.


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[Assistant] Who will certainly cut me out the instant that my back is turned. What a splendid night it is. You like this weather? It suits my purpose, Watson.


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[Assistant] I mean to burgle Milverton's house tonight. I had a catching of the breath.


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[Assistant] And my skin went cold at the words which were slowly uttered in a tone of concentrated resolution.


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[Assistant] As a flash of lightning in the night shows up in an instant every detail of a wild landscape


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[Assistant] So at one glance I seem to see every possible result of such an action. The detection. The capture.


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[Assistant] The honoured career ending in irreparable failure and disgrace.


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[Assistant] My friend himself lying at the mercy of the odious Milverton. For heaven's sake, Holmes, think what you are doing! I cried. My dear fellow, I have given it every consideration.


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[Assistant] I am never precipitate in my actions, nor would I adopt so energetic and indeed so dangerous a course if any other were possible. Let us look at the matter clearly and fairly.


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[Assistant] I suppose you will admit that the action is morally justifiable, though technically criminal.


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[Assistant] To burgle his house is no more than to forcibly take his pocketbook.


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[Assistant] So long as our object is to take no articles save those which are used for an illegal purpose. Exactly.


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[Assistant] Sincity is morally justifiable. I have only to consider the question of personal risk.


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[Assistant] Surely a gentleman should not lay much stress upon this when a lady is in most desperate need of his help.


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[Assistant] You will be in such a false position. Well, that is part of the risk. There is no other possible way of regaining these letters.


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[Assistant] The unfortunate lady has not the money, and there are none of her people in whom she could confide.


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[Assistant] Tomorrow is the last day of grace, and unless we can get the letters tonight.


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[Assistant] This villain will be as good as his word and will bring about her ruin.


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[Assistant] I must therefore abandon my client to her fate, for I must play this last card.


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[Assistant] Between ourselves, Watson, it's a sporting duel between this fellow Milverton and me. He had, as you saw, the best of the first exchanges, but my self-respect and my reputation are concerned to fight it to a finish. Well, I don't like it.


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[Assistant] We have shared this same room for some years, and it would be amusing if we ended by sharing the same cell.


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[Assistant] That I have always had an idea that I would have made a highly efficient criminal. This is the chance of my lifetime in that direction.


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[Assistant] He took a neat little leather case out of a drawer, and opening it he exhibited a number of shining instruments.


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[Assistant] This is a first-class up-to-date burgling kit, with nickel-plated gemmy, diamond-tipped glass-cutter, adaptable keys, and every modern improvement which the march of civilization demands. Here, too, is my dark lantern. Everything is in order. Have you a pair of silent shoes?


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[Assistant] I have rubber sole tennis shoes. Excellent. And a mask. I can make a couple out of black silk.


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[Assistant] It is a quarter of an hour's walk from there to Appledore towers. We shall be at work before midnight.


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[Assistant] Milverton is a heavy sleeper and retires punctually at ten-thirty. With any luck we should be back here by two, with the Lady Eva's letters in my pocket. Holmes and I put on our dress-clothes


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[Assistant] And the wind seemed to blow through us, we walked along the edge of the heath.


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[Assistant] It's a business that needs delicate treatment, said Holmes.


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[Assistant] These documents are contained in a safe in the fellow's study, and the study is the anteroom of his bed chamber.


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[Assistant] On the other hand, like all these stout little men who do themselves well, he is a plethoric


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[Assistant] That's my fiancé. Says it is a joke in the servant's hall that it's impossible to wake the master. He has a secretary who is devoted to his interests and never budges from the study all day. That's why we're going at night. Then he has a beast of a dog which roams the garden.


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[Assistant] I met Agatha late the last two evenings, and she locks the brute up, so as to give me a clear run. This is the house, this big one, in its own grounds. Through the gate, and now to the right, among the laurels. We might put on our masks here, I think. You see, there is not a glimmer of light in any of the windows, and everything is working splendidly. With our black silk face coverings,


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[Assistant] Which turned us into two of the most truculent figures in London, we stole up to the silent gloomy house.


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[Assistant] A sort of tiled veranda, extended along one side of it, lined by several windows and two doors. That's his bedroom, Holmes whispered. This door opens straight into the study. It would suit us best, but it's bolted as well as locked, and we should make too much noise getting in. Come round here. There's a greenhouse which opens into the drawing-room. The place was locked


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[Assistant] And the rich choking fragrance of exotic plants took us by the throat.


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[Assistant] He seized my hand in the darkness and led me swiftly past banks of shrubs, which brushed against our faces.


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[Assistant] Holmes had remarkable powers carefully cultivated of seeing in the dark.


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[Assistant] Still holding my hand in one of his, he opened a door and I was vaguely conscious that we had entered a large room.


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[Assistant] Putting out my hand, I felt several coats hanging from the wall, and I understood that I was in a passage.


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[Assistant] We passed along it, and Holmes very gently opened a door upon the right-hand side. Something rushed out at us, and my heart sprang into my mouth. But I could have laughed when I realized that it was the cat. A fire was burning in this new room, and again the air was heavy with tobacco smoke. Holmes entered on tiptoe, waited for me to follow, and then very gently closed the door. We were in Milverton's study.


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[Assistant] And a portier at the far side showed the entrance to his bedroom. It was a good fire, and the room was illuminated by it. Near the door I saw the gleam of an electric switch, but it was unnecessary, even if it had been safe to turn it on.


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[Assistant] At one side of the fireplace was a heavy curtain which covered the bay window we had seen from outside. On the other side was the door, which communicated with the veranda.


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[Assistant] A desk stood in the centre with a turning chair of shining red leather.


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[Assistant] Opposite was a large bookcase with a marble bust of Athene on the top.


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[Assistant] In the corner between the bookcase and the wall there stood a tall green safe.


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[Assistant] The firelight flashing back from the polished brass knobs upon its face. Holmes stole a cross and looked at it.


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[Assistant] Then he crept to the door of the bedroom and stood with slanting head, listening intently. No sound came from within.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile it had struck me that it would be wise to secure our retreat through the outer door, so I examined it. To my amazement it was neither locked nor bolted.


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[Assistant] I touched Holmes on the arm and he turned his masked face in that direction. I saw him start, and he was evidently as surprised as I. I don't like it, he whispered, putting his lips to my very ear. I can't quite make it out. Anyhow, we have no time to lose. Can I do anything? Yes, stand by the door. If you hear anyone come, bolt it on the inside, and we can get away as we came.


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[Assistant] And I thrilled now with a keener zest than I had ever enjoyed when we were the defenders of the lore, instead of its defiers. The high object of our mission, the consciousness that it was unselfish and chivalrous, the villainous character of our opponent, all added to the sporting interest of the adventure.


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[Assistant] And choosing his tool with the calm scientific accuracy of a surgeon who performs a delicate operation.


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[Assistant] I knew that the opening of Safe's was a particular hobby with him.


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[Assistant] And I understood the joy which it gave him to be confronted with this green and gold monster.


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[Assistant] The dragon which held in its moor the reputation of many fair ladies. Turning up the cuffs of his dress-coat, he had placed his overcoat on a chair, Holmes laid out two drills, a gemmy, and several skeleton-keys.


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[Assistant] I stood at the centre door with my eyes glancing at each of the others, ready for any emergency.


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[Assistant] Though indeed my plans were somewhat vague as to what I should do if we were interrupted. For half an hour Holmes worked with concentrated energy, laying down one tool, picking up another.


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[Assistant] Handling each with the strength and delicacy of the trained mechanic. Finally I heard a click. The broad green door swung open.


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[Assistant] And inside I had a glimpse of a number of paper packets, each tied, sealed, and inscribed. Holmes picked one out, but it was as hard to read by the flickering fire, and he drew out his little dark lantern, for it was too dangerous with Milverton in the next room to switch on the electric light.


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[Assistant] Suddenly I saw him halt, listen intently, and then in an instant he had swung the door of the safe too,


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[Assistant] Picked up his coat, stuffed his tools into the pockets, and darted behind the window curtain, motioning me to do the same. It was only when I had joined him there that I heard what had alarmed his quicker senses. There was a noise somewhere within the house. A door slammed in the distance.


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[Assistant] Then a confused dull murmur broke itself into the measured thud of heavy footsteps rapidly approaching. They were in the passage outside the room. They paused at the door. The door opened.


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[Assistant] There was a sharp snick as the electric light was turned on.


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[Assistant] Finally there was a creak from a chair and the footsteps ceased. Then a key clicked in a lock, and I heard the rustle of papers. So far I had not dared to look out.


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[Assistant] But now I gently parted the division of the curtains in front of me and peeped through. From the pressure of Holmes's shoulder against mine, I knew that he was sharing my observations. Right in front of us, and almost within our reach, was the broad, rounded back of Milverton.


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[Assistant] It was evident that we had entirely miscalculated his movements, that he had never been to his


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[Assistant] A long black cigar projecting at an angle from his mouth.


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[Assistant] He wore a semi-military smoking jacket, claret-colored, with a black velvet collar.


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[Assistant] In his hand he held a long legal document which he was reading in an indolent fashion.


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[Assistant] Blowing rings of tobacco smoke from his lips as he did so.


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[Assistant] There was no promise of a speedy departure in his composed bearing and his comfortable attitude. I felt Holmes's hand steal into mine and give me a reassuring shake.


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[Assistant] As if to say that the situation was within his powers, and that he was easy in his mind.


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[Assistant] I was not sure whether he had seen what was only too obvious from my position, that the door of the safe was imperfectly closed, and that Milverton might at any moment observe it.


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[Assistant] In my own mind I had determined that if I were sure, from the rigidity of his gaze, that it had caught his eye, I would at once spring out, throw my greatcoat over his head, pinion him, and leave the rest to Holmes. But Milverton never looked up.


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[Assistant] He was languidly interested by the papers in his hand.


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[Assistant] And page after page was turned as he followed the argument of the lawyer.


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[Assistant] At least I thought, when he has finished the document and the cigar, he will go to his room. But before he had reached the end of either, there came a remarkable development, which turned our thoughts into quite another channel.


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[Assistant] Several times I had observed that Milverton looked at his watch, and once he had risen and sat down again with a gesture of impatience,


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[Assistant] The idea, however, that he might have an appointment at so strange an hour never occurred to me.


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[Assistant] Until a faint sound reached my ears from the veranda outside.


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[Assistant] Milverton dropped his papers and sat rigid in his chair. The sound was repeated. And then there came a gentle tap at the door. Milverton rose and opened it. Well, he said curtly, you are nearly a half an hour late. So this was the explanation of the unlocked door and the nocturnal vigil of Milverton. There was the gentle rustle of a woman's dress.


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[Assistant] I had closed the slit between the curtains as Milverton's face had turned in our direction, but now I ventured very carefully to open it once more. He had resumed his seat


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[Assistant] The cigar still projecting at an insolent angle from the corner of his mouth. In front of him, in the full glare of the electric light, there stood a tall, slim, dark woman, a veil over her face, a mantle drawn round her chin.


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[Assistant] A breath came quick and fast, and every inch of the lithe figure was quivering with strong emotion.


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[Assistant] Well, said Milverton, you made me lose a good night's rest, my dear. I hope you'll prove worth it. You couldn't come any other time, eh? The woman shook her head. Well, if you couldn't, you couldn't.


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[Assistant] If the Countess is a hard mistress, you have your chance to get level with her now. Bless the girl! What are you shivering about?


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[Assistant] That's right, pull yourself together. Now let us get down to business. He took a notebook from the drawer of his desk.


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[Assistant] You say that you have five letters which compromise the Countess d'Albert. You want to sell them. I want to buy them. So far so good. It only remains to fix a price. I should want to inspect the letters, of course, if they are really good specimens. Great heavens, is it you? The woman, without a word, had raised her veil and dropped the mantle from her


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[Assistant] It was a dark, handsome, clear-cut face which confronted Milverton, a face with a curved nose


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[Assistant] Strong dark eyebrows shading hard glittering eyes.


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[Assistant] I assure you I wouldn't hurt a fly of my own accord, but every man has his business, and what was I to do? I put the price well within your means. You would not pay.


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[Assistant] So you sent the letters to my husband and he?


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[Assistant] The noblest gentleman that ever lived. A man whose boots I was never worthy to lace. He broke his gallant heart and died.


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[Assistant] You remember that last night when I came through that door, I begged and prayed you for mercy, and you laughed in my face as you are trying to laugh now. Only your coward heart cannot keep your lips from twitching.


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[Assistant] Yes, you never thought to see me here again, but it was that night which taught me how I could meet you face to face and alone.


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[Assistant] Well, Charles Milverton, what have you to say? Don't imagine that you can bully me, said he, rising to his feet. I have only to raise my voice, and I could call my servants and have you arrested.


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[Assistant] But I will make allowance for your natural anger, leave the room at once as you came, and I will say no more.


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[Assistant] The woman stood with her hand buried in her bosom and the same deadly smile on her thin lips.


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[Assistant] You will ruin no more lives as you have ruined mine. You will wring no more hearts as you wrung mine. I will free the world of a poisonous thing. Take that, you hound. And that. And that. And that.


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[Assistant] She had drawn a little gleaming revolver and emptied barrel after barrel into Milverton's body, the muzzle within two feet of his shirt-front.


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[Assistant] He shrank away and then fell forward upon the table, coughing furiously and clawing among the papers. Then he staggered to his feet, received another shot, and rolled upon the floor. You've done me! he cried, and lay still. The woman looked at him intently.


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[Assistant] And ground her heel into his upturned face. She looked again but there was no sound or movement. I heard a sharp rustle. The night air blew into the heated room. And the Avenger was gone.


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[Assistant] No interference upon our part could have saved the man from his fate.


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[Assistant] But as the woman poured bullet after bullet into Milverton's shrinking body, I was about to spring out.


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[Assistant] When I felt Holmes's cold, strong grasp upon my wrist, I understood the whole argument of that firm restraining grip, that it was no affair of ours, that justice had overtaken a villain, that we had our own duties and our own objects, which were not to be lost sight of.


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[Assistant] At the same instant we heard voices in the house and the sound of hurrying feet. The revolver shots had roused the household.


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[Assistant] With perfect coolness Holmes slipped across to the safe, filled his two arms with bundles of letters, and poured them all into the fire.


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[Assistant] Again and again he did it until the safe was empty.


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[Assistant] Someone turned the handle and beat upon the outside of the door. Holmes looked swiftly


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[Assistant] The letter which had been the messenger of death for Milverton lay all mottled with his blood upon the table. Holmes tossed it in among the blazing papers. Then he drew the key from the outer door, passed through after me, and locked it on the outside.


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[Assistant] This way, Watson, said he, we can scale the garden wall in this direction.


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[Assistant] I could not have believed that an alarm could have spread so swiftly. Looking back the huge house was one blaze of light


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[Assistant] And one fellow raised a view hello as we emerged from the veranda and followed hard at our heels. Holmes seemed to know the grounds perfectly.


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[Assistant] And he threaded his way swiftly among a plantation of small trees, eye close at his heels, and our foremost pursuer panting behind us. It was a six-foot wall which barred our path, but he sprang to the top and over.


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[Assistant] As I did the same I felt the hand of the man behind me grab at my ankle, but I kicked myself free and scrambled over a grass-strewn coping. I fell upon my face among some bushes, but Holmes had me on my feet in an instant.


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[Assistant] And together we dashed away across the huge expanse of Hampstead Heath.


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[Assistant] We had run two miles, I suppose, before Holmes at last halted and listened intently. All was absolute silence behind us. We had shaken off our pursuers and were safe.


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[Assistant] We had breakfasted and were smoking our morning pipe on the day after the remarkable experience which I have recorded when Mr. Lestrade of Scotland Yard, very solemn and impressive, was ushered into our modest sitting-room. Good morning, Mr. Holmes, said he. Good morning. May I ask if you are very busy just now? Not too busy to listen to you.


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[Assistant] I thought that perhaps if you had nothing particular on hand


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[Assistant] A most dramatic and remarkable murder. I know how keen you are upon these things.


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[Assistant] We've had our eyes upon this Mr. Milverton for some time, and between ourselves he was a bit of a villain.


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[Assistant] He is known to have held papers which he used for blackmailing purposes. These papers have all been burned by the murderers. No article of value was taken.


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[Assistant] As it is probable that the criminals were men of good position.


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[Assistant] Who's sole object was to prevent social exposure. Criminals, said Holmes. Plural. Yes, there were two of them. They were as nearly as possible captured red-handed. We have their footmarks, we have their description. It's ten to one that we can trace them. The first fellow was a bit too active, but the second was caught by the under-gardener and only got away after a struggle.


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[Assistant] He was a middle-sized, strongly built man.


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[Assistant] Square jaw, thick neck, moustache, a mask over his eyes. That's rather vague, said Sherlock Holmes. My, it might be a description of Watson.


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[Assistant] It's true," said the Inspector, with amusement. It might be a description of Watson.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm afraid I can't help you, Lestrade," said Holmes. The fact is that I knew this fellow Milverton.


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[Assistant] That I considered him one of the most dangerous men in London.


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[Assistant] And that I think there are certain crimes which the law cannot touch and which therefore to some extent justify private revenge. No, it's no use arguing. I have made up my mind.


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[Assistant] My sympathies are with the criminals rather than with the victim, and I will not handle this case.


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[Assistant] Holmes had not said one word to me about the tragedy which we had witnessed.


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[Assistant] But I observed all the morning that he was in his most thoughtful mood.


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[Assistant] And he gave me the impression from his vacant eyes and his abstracted manner


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[Assistant] Of a man who is striving to recall something to his memory.


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[Assistant] He hurried at his top speed down Baker Street and along Oxford Street until we had almost reached Regent Circus.


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[Assistant] Here on the left hand, there stands a shop window filled with photographs of the celebrities and beauties of the day. Holmes's eyes fixed themselves upon one of them.


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[Assistant] And following his gaze I saw the picture of a regal and stately lady in court dress, with a high diamond tiara upon her noble head. I looked at that delicately curved nose, at the marked eyebrows, at the straight mouth, and the strong little chin beneath it. Then I caught my breath


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[Assistant] As I read the time-honored title of the great nobleman and statesman whose wife she had been, my eyes met those of Holmes, and he put his finger to his lips as we turned away from the window.


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[Assistant] Oh, then you may walk back with me. And on the way you can tell me your truthful opinion of James.


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[Assistant] It's at lunch in one o'clock. Remember you made the appointment over a month ago.


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[Assistant] I've put your personal mail on the desk, Bishop. The rest I'm taking over to the office.


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[Assistant] She and the bishop had some calls to make, finishing at Mrs. Hamilton's.


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[Assistant] Fear's normal. We'll help you to understand that. And when you do, you won't be afraid of the water. You won't even be afraid...


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[Assistant] A.G. Bush, no disrespect, but we got a lot of Donovan Mitchell stuff. Let's go. Donovan Mitchell. Yea, we do. Let's, let's cut off the people's champ stuff. Let's get right into Mitchell, cause hopefully the Cleveland Cavaliers are the next champs we're talking about.


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[Assistant] And just like built bars are better than the other power bars that you can get as you wake up in the morning. If you haven't tried the built bar puffs yet, y'all are missing out. They're so good that the box we got upstairs- What are they called? Built bar?


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[Assistant] Go to built.com, use promo code LOCKDOWN15, get 15% off.


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[Assistant] And now, it's time to talk a little Ohio State Buckeyes. And who better to talk Buckeyes with than the voice of the Buckeyes himself, Paul Keels. There he is, the voice!


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[Assistant] I'm so excited. I cannot, I'm so excited for this.


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[Assistant] Uhm, are we gonna do good bad bad bad here, or? I got some questions, but, but real quick. Okay. Do you guys remember when Oklahoma came up to Ohio State, Baker Mayfield played the flag? Oh yea. I remember it well. Did he make it to Ohio State?


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[Assistant] Well, he didn't make a t-shirt about that, but before we get back to Ohio State, did you guys see the t-shirt he released this morning? I think we have to just at least acknowledge this real quick. I did.


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[Assistant] Let's get back to Buckeyes real quick. I got a bunch of questions we're gonna run through as soon as Maurice Claret's ready, we'll bring Maurice on. Okay. Well let's start with this one.


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[Assistant] Do you guys prefer starting the season with a primetime matchup against an elite opponent or a team considered elite?


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[Assistant] No one knows about beating up on cupcakes better than our next guest who beat up everybody when he played everyone was a cupcake. And that's Maurice Claret.


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[Assistant] How much will Ohio State beat Notre Dame by on Saturday? And whenever we talk to the internet.


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[Assistant] Apply online at precast.com slash careers to learn more.


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[Assistant] This is our bidding says by 30 points. So close to what Tyvis and Jay projected. Let's go to the next one.


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[Assistant] 14 up 21 late, Notre Dame scores in the fourth for a 42-28 win. That would not cover the spread. No, that would, that would, that'd be bad. And lastly.


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[Assistant] 17 and a half because just like everyone else, he needs the butt guys to cover the parlay.


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[Assistant] I came up with 42 questions for today's show, we've done one so far. That's great. So I'm gonna throw one more out at you guys before we say goodbye.


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[Assistant] So two of us predicted that Ohio State wins the championship. Two of you guys predicted they don't. If the Buckeyes win it all this year, does Ryan Day dip to the NFL? Oh no.


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[Assistant] The last question we go, we know Jackson Smith and Jigba argue we're the best receiver in college football, probably the best if not the best. The question is can Marvin Harrison Jr, Fleming and Ibuka make up for 70% of the production left behind from Garrett Wilson and Chris Alave?


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[Assistant] Oh, it was amazing. I ate like crazy. I drank a lot of great wine.


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[Assistant] Absolutely great. We were on boats for half the time. We were partying the other time and, uh, just, just a great time. Great time. We, we actually slept like 10 hours a night, which was crazy. Wow. Yeah. That's us and Sardinia just having fun. We were two kids just.


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[Assistant] Speaking of Steve, we gotta come up with a collection pot for him for Christmas to get him an iPhone. Because I tried to send him a video the other day and it would not go through.


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[Assistant] And wow, Buffalo came out ready to play. I mean, everyone thought-


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[Assistant] From other guys, not just star guys. And I think in the end, the Rams, their stars didn't play because they're so top heavy. They invested heavily into


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[Assistant] Yeah, and this, and for a cornerback cover three, that's what you want. You have a third of the field and you have to, there was no other route.


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[Assistant] You know, discipline, that's what's going to happen. And unfortunately the Rams came up short and that obviously one game doesn't dictate their season. Uh, I'm sure those guys are playing better next week against Atlanta, but last night just wasn't a good outing by the, by the defending Superbowl champions. Well, let's get


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[Assistant] I mean, they're going to tell us it doesn't matter, but for a guy like Miles Garrett.


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[Assistant] When the Mason Rudolph incident happened and when you're.


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[Assistant] Star quarterback goes on national television and basically takes the side of the opponent. I still have a problem with that.


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[Assistant] And Miles Garrett should have had a problem with it. And I read the, uh, the article of


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[Assistant] When, when, uh, Baker Mayfield was traded, he reached out to Miles Garrett. Miles Garrett didn't know what to say. Obviously that, that,


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[Assistant] That riff, that beef, whether we can, you know, blow it up or not, there's something there.


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[Assistant] Miles Garrett is, it took him some explosive language as he, you know, using his words for him to react that way. You don't automatically side with the other team. You say, you know what? I'll wait till I get all the facts, but he's my guy. I know the character of my teammate and right now I have nothing more to say about it.


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[Assistant] But instead he took the other route. He took the other route and as a player in the locker room,


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[Assistant] Miles Garrett was like, you know what? You're not helping us win. You're not the reason why you're helping us win. We have a championship roster and you're the reason.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, Jarvis Landry. You had a tight end arguably. They went and paid that the organization thinks you were probably the reason he didn't reach his potential. And then you had Odell Beckham Jr. And you had a two-headed monster in the back. You had everything you possibly could have and want as a quarterback.


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[Assistant] Like, I've been thrown out. Hey, Brad, I'll tell you a true story. In college, this house series, the captain is meeting at, uh,


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[Assistant] I got thrown out by a guy named Ron Cherry, because I was talking so much smack to the other guy who I know, who I didn't like, he kicked me out.


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[Assistant] Turnovers and I feel like the Cleveland Browns defense is going to come to play.


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[Assistant] Because even, you know, for beginning of the season, we look at the Rams, right? We watched them, how they were kind of inept. They didn't really use all their weapons. They, they had brought Alan Robertson was a guy that you thought would make an immediate impact. Offenses aren't.


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[Assistant] Clicking on all cylinders right away so if you have a defense that's familiar with each other


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[Assistant] And your slew of defensive back. So I think it comes down to defense. I don't think it's going to be a high scoring game yet. I do think it's going to be a dominant performance by the Cleveland Browns defense because they know Baker Mayfield, they know his tendencies. You better believe those guys.


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[Assistant] Guys are listening. They're paying attention to it. They may not tell us when the microphone's in their face, but you better believe it's already, you're already juiced up for the first game of the season because you want to get off to a good start.


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[Assistant] Basically putting his foot in his mouth once again, and I don't see him coming out having a great game and, and, and, and making us scratch our head. Oh, what was it? Did we make the right decision to get rid of him? No, no, no.


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[Assistant] If Baker, if for some godly reason the Carolina Panthers wins.


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[Assistant] And Baker Mayfield's gonna try to shake everyone's hand. Everyone. But if they lose, misses.


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[Assistant] And it's a dominant performance by the Browns, uh, the Browns defense and he has a horrible game.


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[Assistant] You know, wanted to, you know, revisit with old friends and what have you. I think it all is predicated on whether he wins or lose. I don't see his maturity level, you know, shake his to fancy his hand and, and, and definitely not.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean, he's MVP caliber without a doubt when he's healthy. You put the ball in his hands, similar to the situation Baker Mayfield just left from. So he's right back in a situation where


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[Assistant] Just briefly when I was there in the off season, just briefly, but nothing more than that.


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[Assistant] This year, I'm sure with his athletic ability, you're going to see him make some plays. If, if, um, if I'm the defensive coordinator, you know, I'm, I'm, you know, the guy is so versatile.


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[Assistant] I want to see him play behind the line. I want to see him blitz more. I want to see just what he can do because we all know he can run sideline to sideline, but he's definitely a guy alongside Anthony Walker. If he's lit, if he listens to Anthony Walker, he can get the brains from him and apply his physical ability and to actually be able to take over games. But so I'm definitely looking forward to him seeing what his jump looks like, seeing how he responds, just how he gets off blocks because you're right. He's not the biggest guy in the world. He looks like a DB.


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[Assistant] I think you're going to see him take massive jumps this year and he's and listen, if that happens this.


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[Assistant] This defense already in my opinion is a top five defense. Arguably could be the best defense if


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[Assistant] They can stay healthy. If a guy like, a guy like JOK can stay healthy and take that next step, uh, this could be a dangerous, dangerous team, even without Deshaun Watson while he's out.


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[Assistant] It's scary. I think you gotta use what, how, you know, kind of how the Buffalo Bills attack.


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[Assistant] You know, Aaron Dono and those guys, really quick throws, getting the ball out of your hand, you know, not really letting those pass rushers, De'Veon Clowney and Miles Garrett pin their ears back.


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[Assistant] And, and try to stay on track and not getting those third and loans or second and loans. When that happens, that's when you're, you know, the, the, the play call sheet for your defensive coordinator become very easily. So if I'm attacking those guys.


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[Assistant] It's a no hurry, you know, really quick throws, get those guys tired. So they're, they're constantly running on and off the field and see how you can move the ball that way. And hopefully you get.


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[Assistant] You know, you get what you want from a, from a, you know, point standpoint, but there's no really glaring.


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[Assistant] Holes in this defense and you're right. Listen, I love the fact that they have a slew of defensive backs because it creates competitive energy because if one guy gets injured.


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[Assistant] The next guy is looking at, this is my opportunity to be the guy.


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[Assistant] Man, you, you would hope so with, again, you know, offenses, I'll say this again, like offenses aren't where they need to be right now. And as a play caller,


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[Assistant] Stefanski has a package where both of those guys on the field, it'll be about damn time. You know, this is the time to do it.


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[Assistant] This is the time to do it and feature these guys and see who you have. Why not, if, if you're thinking about getting rid of Kareem Hunt at some point, see what his, see what he can do.


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[Assistant] See what he can do. You know what Nick Chubb, you know what Nick Chubb is. He's a constant, consummate pro. You know what you're gonna get with him.


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[Assistant] No, let's go win the damn game. Win the damn game and rely on the guys you invested in to win games like this. It's very simple in my opinion.


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[Assistant] If I'm Kevin Stefanski, knowing what everything that we talked about, if we win the talks, we want to defer. We want Baker Mayfield on the field first. We want to put the pressure on him. We want our defense, the, the, the, the side, the unit that's going to carry us right now. We want to, I'm, I'm feeding that to him all week.


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[Assistant] If I'm Kevin's event, that's the smart move to make. Let your defense go out there and set the tone early with Baker Mayfield so he starts to question himself and question whether or not he should have made the off the leash t-shirt and made all these comments off the record or what have you.


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[Assistant] Start your defense first, in this case, but in any other game, I'd have no preference to be honest with you.


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[Assistant] Cause you make a great point. I didn't think about that. That's a great point, but I'm still sticking to my guns.


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[Assistant] I'm allowing Miles Garrett to Dave Young, Clown, and Denzel with all these guys. It's on you guys to put the, to shut this guy up. And I'm, that's my message all week, no matter where we're playing because it's Baker Mayfield, right? Cause he's disrespecting me as a head coach. He's disrespecting you all off the leash.


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[Assistant] This is personal. Whether or not I want to admit it or not, this is personal and I want my team to know.


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[Assistant] This is personal, so I'm leaning on you guys to back me up.


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[Assistant] I think it won't be a high scoring game. I say the Browns 24, Panthers 10.


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[Assistant] And I think they score, the Panthers score late when the, the, the Browns are playing kind of a, you know, preemptive defense to kind of run the clock out. But I, I think- That's our biggest threat.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, I don't see if he has to throw the ball more than 30 times the game, we're in trouble. So I would say his stat line, if he throws a ball, let's say 15 to 20 times, let's say


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[Assistant] Not leaning on him too much and not putting yourself in that position.


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[Assistant] Um, but I think the running game is going to have a, should have a, uh, an, uh, above average day on the ground if this team is going to win.


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[Assistant] And obviously scored 24 points. I think Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt.


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[Assistant] And along with Versette really showing that he can manage


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[Assistant] Uh, the weapons around him and not blow a game knowing that he has a really good, really good, decent weapons on the outside that hadn't proved themselves a ton, but he's able to make those guys better because of his veteran leadership.


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[Assistant] This has big storylines. I can't think of anything when I play, but this is.


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[Assistant] That's a great question. I think this is the biggest storyline. Everyone's going to be tuned in to see how Baker Mayfield plays, how the Brown respond, what Kevin Stefanski's offense is going to look like.


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[Assistant] It would take me hours to say all of their names.


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[Assistant] Jeebush! I like, uhm, I like the, the Dumpers aspect. I'll go a little different. I'll go with, uh, the people skills, right? So say for instance, you got Baker Mayfield, you got Jacoby Brissette.


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[Assistant] Obviously I would take Baker Mayfield in terms of what he can do on the field throw of the football. I think he's been there before. Uhm, and I think he, one thing that you can have with Baker is when you're really hot,


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[Assistant] Baker gets hot. You know, he's a guy that can really put some throws together. He can put games together. We've seen him do that.


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[Assistant] However, uhm, I would have reservations. Uh, the reservations go towards the locker room.


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[Assistant] Uhm, there's people in the locker room and I've heard personally from some people that it was untenable.


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[Assistant] You know, you never would have gotten Jadavia Clowney to come back if Baker was still on the team.


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[Assistant] Uh, there was people who didn't really per se like the way, uh, Baker led the team, his management skills and in terms of what he was doing in the locker room.


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[Assistant] And that's a big part of, are you going to be able to be successful? Can you go to the playoffs? Can you do that? On the field, I think it's a closer debate, right? On the field, if it was strictly, if I could just strip all the other things that come along with Baker.


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[Assistant] I would be able to do that. However, I can't do that with Deshaun Watson either. I can't just strip him of all the outside stuff. Outside stuff counts too. So when you look at it from a totality of what your team is, I think that you can tread water. I think for 11 games, Baker will probably be a bit better.


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[Assistant] But in terms of what it does for the locker room, in terms of can we finish it off and do what we ultimately want to do, I don't think it would be possible. And I think people just like Deshaun Watson better in the locker room. I think they like Jacobi Berset better in the locker room.


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[Assistant] To be honest, Andrew Berry likes those two guys more than they like Baker Mayfield. Uhm, it's close to the field, but I, I would, I would, I would lean towards to get one percent for 11 and, uh, Deshaun Watson for the last few games.


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[Assistant] Well, well, here's the thing. You gotta understand. Yes, Baker Mayfield has some sort of pool where, hey, hey, this is the best case scenario. He can come back and he can do his thing. We can do our thing. But here's the reality. There's people in that locker room. They're like, no, we're not taking it.


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[Assistant] I mean, that's my boy right there. I mean, but no, no, no, Robbie Anderson ain't, ain't Jadavian County. Robbie Anderson ain't some of these guys on defense.


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[Assistant] Let's be, let's be clear. I mean, I mean, you gotta, you gotta think about it. Oh, that's devastating. You lose to Jadavian Clown and he's one of your best one defenders. So now you have below level defensive tackles and no defensive.


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[Assistant] In this division? Right. See, for me, I don't, I don't put it in the, uh, in the realm of whether you heard or not.


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[Assistant] Baker's decision making process on the field is what gets him.


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[Assistant] There's times where Baker Mayfield gets in his mind that, yo, I'm gonna gunsling, I'm gonna do this, and he does not understand what the moment is. He was throwing interceptions. This is a thing you can't get over. Since he was in the league.


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[Assistant] He's been the number one guy in the league in interceptions. Second in interceptions. Second. First in turnovers. First in turnovers. He sucks. That, you can't. He's unreliable when it comes to turnovers. You cannot, you cannot do that. Like there's, you just can't. Now, I can get, you can get away with it. I would put Baker out there. Think about it like this.


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[Assistant] If Baker had the restraints that say, you know what? I ain't got it right now. I'm injured. I ain't trying to make no seam throws. I'm not throwing that ball right there because I really ain't got it. If he would protect the football, the answer would be Baker Mayfield. As a matter of fact, if he protected the football more, they might not even win after Deshaun Watson.


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[Assistant] Above that, it's just like, oh wow, this is it. And in some games it's down there. So I think he's, he's good plus or minus one or two.


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[Assistant] I think the consensus that we have is, to me, I don't know, I don't think anybody's 100% sure the way Kevin Sefansi is going to utilize his quarterback.


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[Assistant] I'm just like, what am I? So my thought process is, I can't, I can't judge. I don't know if he's going to do that same thing to, to, to be set. I don't know if he's going to utilize Watson correctly to me. Utilize Kareem hunt correctly.


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[Assistant] Lamar Jackson, Dak Prescott, Deshaun Watson, we keep going on. There's a lot of great black quarterbacks in the league. Absolutely. I think Baker Mayfield is a uhm, it's just like saying, is there any black


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[Assistant] Big Nuggets, if you guys, if you go search G. Bush and you go watch my video on Braylon Edwards name under, underrated, Braylon Edwards had one of the greatest statistical seasons ever as a receiver.


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[Assistant] Miles, we talk about Kevin Stefanski all the time. Uhm, we were arguing earlier, and guessing whether Kevin Stefanski put Baker Mayfield in the best position to make plays.


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[Assistant] Uhm, what is your confidence level in Kevin Stefanski this year? Does he have to have his best, uh, season coaching to get to bronze in the playoff?


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[Assistant] Miles, let's get down to the real conversation. You know, we've been talking about this football stuff. Let's get down to the team.


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[Assistant] Uh, Mike Florio right now is one of the biggest lightning rods in the game. Like this dude has, has moved himself up the lightning rod pole, but I sit next to a guy.


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[Assistant] I'ma go with Skip, I'ma go with Skip if it's a debate.


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[Assistant] Debate on, on football, debate on, on, on, on, on football in general. Who you taking? Mike Florio or, or Skip Bayless?


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[Assistant] If you're, there's only 30 of those jobs. That's true. Miles. So we got to set it up then. Yeah, we got it. Can we, is there Florio? Florio skid day list. I would love that. I would watch that.


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[Assistant] You got a good closer. You just mentioned Mackenzie's playing well. He's pitching well. He's been fantastic. You look at, uh, Bieber's pitching well. Now you look like your pitching staff is rounding into shape.


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[Assistant] Do they have, do they have, do they have a better chance in the series beating the Astros or the Yankees? Yankees right now. I mean, Yankees, the Astros are playing


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[Assistant] We won't let the storm hurt you. You're coming back to your room, aren't you Mr. Edwards? Aren't you Mr. Edwards?


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[Assistant] Edwards became very violent last night. This morning we found that he had a key hidden away. I ordered the lock on his door to be changed. As for Mrs. Stewart, she's suffering from hallucinations.


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[Assistant] Oh, hello, Lieutenant. They told me I'd find you here. I hope I'm not interrupting. Not at all. It's kind of rough, isn't it? Yeaah. She's out of her head. She's got a crazy idea. She saw a murder.


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[Assistant] I, uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Lieutenant. Dr. Cross's tops, you know that. You brought Harvey into consult, you can't do any better than that.


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[Assistant] So far we've tried to snap her out of it with quiet and rest and simple foods. Now there are a dozen other things we can do. Electric therapy, insulin shock. Insulin shock? They use that in the army on guys who blow their tops. Sure they do because it often helps. But you're not going to turn it down on that account, are you? No. Well then relax. The setup here is perfect. Everybody's rooting for you. I just take it easy. You mean that? Okay.


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[Assistant] She had the usual delusions. She kept insisting that you were a murderer. You know how they get. She wanted me to call the police. For a moment she became very violent. I had to give her a sedative. I think we ought to do something about her. I agree with you, doctor. I'll be in to see her in a few minutes.


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[Assistant] No sir, he's from the district attorney's office of Monterey.


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[Assistant] And the over shirt off, so I was just wearing the long sleeve, which is still a full like body thing.


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[Assistant] I mean my favorite is just mashed potatoes and gravy, uuuh, and like some rolls.


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[Assistant] Him to Vaina. And it was three pieces. And they were so unbelievably beautiful. I feel like they had such an inspiration on when the party's over, like all the harmonies and stuff.


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[Assistant] The fuck are those? I don't know, I wouldn't pick either of those. I'd pick a burrito.


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[Assistant] Uhm, The Babadook is my favorite horror film, uuuh. It's also like the inspiration for like my whole album, so.


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[Assistant] I love that. I mean, I always fucked with the Animal Crackers song. It was hard.


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[Assistant] These are great questions. When they come for me. Oh my god, that shit smacks.


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[Assistant] You just said something really interesting that I wanna react to, but I don't have a really super well, uh,


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[Assistant] A bunch of different platforms with a bunch of different value sets, which I certainly agree with.


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[Assistant] Uh, but this week in particular we've seen a lot of conversations about


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[Assistant] I guess my question is, do you have a, a reaction to the search for a universalism in, in platform governance? Is there something there or is that a, um, a futile pursuit?


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[Assistant] Good morning guys. It's the morning. I slept okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, hey.


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[Assistant] Khuda haafiz. Khuda haafiz.


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[Assistant] Allah Hafiz. Allah Hafiz.


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[Assistant] You know, the grand jury is sort of this mystery, right, to people and, uh, and it's written right into our constitution. So really, it shouldn't be a mystery, uh, but it is. You know, the, the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Bill of Rights calls for a grand jury in felony cases. And that allows, uhm, the prosecutor to present its evidence.


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[Assistant] To a neutral party, whether it's a grand jury or a judge in a preliminary hearing, to show that there's two things. One, that there's probable cause that a crime has been committed and probable cause that this is the individual who committed the crime.


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[Assistant] So at a trial, we have to prove, you know, beyond a reasonable doubt, you know, to a moral certainty that the person


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[Assistant] Charge is the defendant who committed the crime, but again the grand jury, it's just probable cause.


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[Assistant] To a trial, the grand jury would have had to have, I mean, obviously I wasn't there, but presumably they would have voted a true bill, uh, saying that there was probable cause to move forward.


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[Assistant] So a grand jury is somewhat mysterious, I think, to the general public. Another reason that is, is it's, uh, it's secret. Uh, and, you know, that actually, I think some people get concerned with that. It's actually supposed to be a protection for the defendant. And the idea there is, uh,


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[Assistant] The disclosure of secret grand jury material can be a crime in jurisdictions and it's certainly unethical for a prosecutor to disclose, uh, things that happen in the grand jury.


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[Assistant] And the grand jurors themselves can't disclose. Now the witnesses in New York are free to talk about what they presented to the grand jury.


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[Assistant] You know, I actually had hoped to not be in New York that week and I had hoped to be in Chicago with a bunch of my friends.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I couldn't get anyone to cover my shifts at the DA's office. I didn't have any cash, so I went to the local, uh, ATM. Uh, and as I was doing the transaction, I felt something at the back of my head and I


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[Assistant] At first I actually thought it was one of my roommates, maybe playing a joke or something like that.


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[Assistant] I turned around and there was a man standing there with a gun in his hand.


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[Assistant] You know, very surreal, you know, it's, uh, it's sort of, people describe sort of slow motion and that's sort of what I, you know, went through at that point, my sort of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heart at that point was in my throat, you know, I could feel my sort of constriction in my throat. And I basically made a break for the door.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, giving him the money, and then there was an explosion. Uhm, and, you know, I remember actually more the sound first, and then this feeling, like someone had just, you know, punched me in the kidney, right? And, uhm, and it was this huge disconnect.


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[Assistant] The explosion was one thing and then there was this feeling in my, you know, like a really hard punch to the kidney.


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[Assistant] And then it was suddenly this realization, like, oh my god, he shot me. And I remember yelling out, like, oh my god, he shot me. Uhm, and then he was gone.


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[Assistant] But I remember thinking, I'm not going to die here. Not today, not here on the streets of Brooklyn. And uhm, sorry.


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[Assistant] So I, uh, put my hand by my back because I was like, what is that? Like I was feeling like moisture. And, uh, my hand was soaked in blood. Uhm, I'm dying. So I, uhm,


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[Assistant] I just need to get to a live person, someone I can talk to who's going to know what to do.


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[Assistant] You know, I knew the one place in New York you always find people is the subway and also the token clerk and, uh, so I, uh, actually had a-


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[Assistant] A badge as a prosecutor, and I, you know, I pulled out my badge and I said, you know, help me, I've been shot. And I sort of, you know, put it up against...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The window, and uhm, she was like, okay, alright, you know, hold on honey, hold on honey.


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[Assistant] And, uh, she, you know, she quickly made a call on something and then she came out, which I found out later is against all protocol, but, uhm, it was this moment of humanity. She, uh,


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[Assistant] She encouraged me to sit down and I was afraid to shut my eyes because I thought if I fall asleep I'm not gonna wake up. Uhm, so uhm.


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[Assistant] Again, what I didn't realize was that they actually shut down the Brooklyn Bridge, uh, to get me over there.


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[Assistant] You know, these two guys coming up and what I'm saying, hey man, what happened? Where'd you go? Where did you go? Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We saw, you know, we saw you or, you know, we couldn't find you. And, uh, again, I found out later from the prosecutor that one of them was your brother.


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[Assistant] Uhm, or was one, your brother or his friend, uhm,


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[Assistant] And they apparently had seen part of it or had seen this one of the guys running away.


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[Assistant] I guess one of them went chase after the guy and one of them went to try to find me to find help.


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[Assistant] What's in the news? What's in the news? What's going on? Oh, El Chapo is El Scudo.


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[Assistant] I know, I know, I know. Listen, listen, we're just as confused as you are and we've been awake this whole time.


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[Assistant] Of course, this is Trump, okay? Even though he's president, the man loves to tweet. And inauguration day is no different. He tweeted, Wait, I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] The thing is, this is what happens whenever the president of the United States, whatever he wears at the inaugural tends to set the fashion tone for men for the next four years. Right. JFK famously did not wear a hat, so men just stopped wearing hats in the 1960s. So, in honor of our new president,


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[Assistant] Don't you think? That was really big of her to be there. It could not have been easy to leave her squirrel friends back in the forest. Here she is. This is her making small talk with President Bush. I actually got more votes than he did. Yeah, like Gore. Now, if uh,


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[Assistant] No, uh, you guys watch it? You guys watch it this afternoon? It was like, uh, if it seemed a little dark in the Capitol, it was either because it was overcast or because Michelle Obama was throwing so much shade.


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[Assistant] But of course the fashion star of the day was Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway, and I would, I would describe that look as Nutcracker who came to life but only got halfway there. Now,


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[Assistant] If you look closely, this is true, her buttons are actually little angry cat heads.


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[Assistant] Very bold for her to wear pussies that close to the new president.


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[Assistant] The podium today held four of our previous presidents, and it was inspiring to see our next four presidents all marching in together.


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[Assistant] Now, uh, right off the top, the Reverend Samuel Rodriguez got things started with a stirring invocation.


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[Assistant] Yes, the humble inherit the earth. People who brag a lot get the United States of America.


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[Assistant] And my man, Timothy Cardinal Dolan, of course quoted Solomon.


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[Assistant] Now, there were some really nice moments today. Like after Mike Pence was sworn in, we were treated to a beautiful rendition of America the Beautiful by the L.L. Bean catalog.


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[Assistant] Then came the big moment, Donald Trump taking the oath of office with his hand on Lincoln's Bible, and I have been assured that it was consensual. So that's it. Donald Trump is president. He knows the launch codes. And he hasn't tweeted them yet, so, so far so good. Then of course,


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[Assistant] Gotta stay hopeful, gotta little things, little victories. Then it was time for the speech. Okay, there were some nice things about it. It was short. And it opened on a gracious note.


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[Assistant] So don't ask about my tax returns ever again, okay? Future.


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[Assistant] Sure. Then, and then like Lincoln huffing paint thinner.


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[Assistant] This stirring orator invoked an inspiring picture of the country he now leads.


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[Assistant] The inauguration, of course, also included the time-honored tradition of talking about how the former president sucks while Obama and Biden had to sit there as helpless as a damp Russian mattress. I mean, they...


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[Assistant] I'll tell you, I really feel bad for Joe Biden. He got so upset, he turned into a Jeff Dunham puppet.


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[Assistant] Trump then dedicated his administration to his biggest supporters.


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[Assistant] Yes, the Trump administration will never forget great Americans like Buddy here, and Chief, and Big Guy, and my African American over there. I'll never... You're always...


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[Assistant] Then the 45th President of the United States hammered home one of his biggest campaign promises.


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[Assistant] Yes, he is clearly already getting Americans back to work, because here's the mall when Obama was inaugurated in 2009, and here it is for Trump today.


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[Assistant] The greatest, most fantastic lack of attendance in American history. You're not gonna believe how many people didn't show up.


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[Assistant] Yes, roads and highways and bridges and airports and tunnels and railways. So many ways to flee the country. But...


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[Assistant] But after spending the bulk of his inaugural address talking about what a dumpster fire America is and blaming everyone on the stage, Trump called for unity.


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[Assistant] Okay, so right now, totally stoppable. And after the speech, Reverend Franklin Graham delivered the benediction.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I've read the Bible. Blessings, not exactly how Noah took it.


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[Assistant] I didn't want to worry you. After all, it's better I come back this way than not at all, isn't it? Good is right, mother. There's no time for tears.


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[Assistant] Oh yes, I remember. You made me learn it when I was a boy. What stronger breastplate than a heart untainted? Thrice is the arm that has his quarrel just.


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[Assistant] Never forget it. Don't worry, I won't. I always wanted to ask you who wrote it. Unfortunately, one of our enemies. An Englishman. Shakespeare.


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[Assistant] It is our duty to inform you that your son, Karl Müller, died on the battleship Bismarck, defending his fatherland.


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[Assistant] Eric, you're not going to bed. It's early, not even nine o'clock. I'm afraid I'll have to. I've a hard day's work ahead of me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's easier said than done. You don't know how important my work at the moment is. That's very interesting, but doesn't do me any good. You forget there's wood going on.


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[Assistant] You haven't changed a bit, you know. Well, I might as well go in and unpack.


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[Assistant] 45,000 human beings wiped out in a city which was defenseless.


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[Assistant] Mothers, write your sons. Wives, write your husbands. Get word to them that you and your children are receiving less food each day. Yes, sir. We are trying to look at the position now.


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[Assistant] Time in the game, the Führer has proclaimed to the world that the German people sent United behind him. But even among our leaders, there is no unity. Recently, all of Germany was shocked.


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[Assistant] Well, uh, I saw your name on a card he was carrying and, well, I just thought he'd be here.


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[Assistant] Were there no other identifier marks on the truck? If there were, the explosion destroyed them. What about the radio equipment? What about it, sir?


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[Assistant] Excellent. That's really good news. With Hoffman back, we can build a new radio in no time.


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[Assistant] These are the papers in the Klanschmidt case. The Klanschmidt case is closed.


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[Assistant] Did you know there was a meeting of the underground at Max's? No, but I found out about it afterwards.


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[Assistant] Doesn't seem strange to you that she should work in the very same place the underground meets? No. What about that bag of radio equipment?


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[Assistant] I'd announce her naturally. What else could I do? Good. We could do nothing with her.


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[Assistant] I'd rather not do a thing like that. It hardly seems fair.


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[Assistant] If I concern myself with problems of ethics, I'll soon be out of a job. Now look here. You served the state well in the past. I'm asking you now to serve again. But Colonel Heller- It's your duty, Herr Flanken.


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[Assistant] I was thinking those same stars are shining down at Hildesheim. Ever been there?


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[Assistant] Why not? You're a member of the party, aren't you?


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[Assistant] Still, there might be circumstances when it is justified if you believe in something strong enough. Oh, I know you're right.


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[Assistant] That will come later, have no fear. Now once and for all, doctor. Are you going to tell us what you know? Or would you rather see your son beaten before your eyes?


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[Assistant] I expected you to show up here tonight. Yes. I thought you would want to see me. Yes, of course. I'm glad you came. Cigarette?


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[Assistant] Well, I've only been home a short while. I wasn't sure until tonight.


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[Assistant] Shouldn't he be here already? Yes, he only lives a few blocks away. I don't like it. We'll give him five more minutes if he isn't here, then we had better go.


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[Assistant] Hello? Yes? For you, good. Just a moment, please.


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[Assistant] And the Bible rain is a sign of God's blessing.


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[Assistant] And it started to rain Mr. President when you came to the platform.


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[Assistant] Not only do we share household worries and parental burdens, we also share ideas.


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[Assistant] Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel.


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[Assistant] Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read a novel on the plane.


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[Assistant] He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to be able to exchange ideas about the book after I'd read it.


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[Assistant] When I was embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgave me.


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[Assistant] When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, It's okay. It's only money. There is sensitivity. Last week, he walked through the door with that look that tells me it's been a tough day. After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened.


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[Assistant] He wept as he recalled the woman's husband standing beside her bed caressing her hand


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[Assistant] How was he going to tell this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover? I shed a few tears myself. Because of the medical crisis,


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[Assistant] Because there were still people who had been married 40 years.


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[Assistant] A friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer.


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[Assistant] On Wednesday, I went to church with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce.


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[Assistant] On Thursday, a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer's disease on her father-in-law's personality. On Friday,


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[Assistant] A childhood friend called long distance to tell me her father had died. I hung up the phone and thought, this is too much heartache for one week.


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[Assistant] I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played.


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[Assistant] I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor's house.


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[Assistant] The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends.


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[Assistant] That night, I told my husband about these events.


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[Assistant] We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows. It was enough to keep us going.


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[Assistant] And this doesn't just involve kids, but all their parents, teachers, as well as their caregivers.


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[Assistant] So there are many different taxonomies of different kinds of dark patterns, and I won't go into detail of all the different types of dark patterns that people have named, but this is really based on anecdotal evidence.


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[Assistant] And we had some challenges we had to deal with. For example, we had to mimic a real user browsing the shopping website.


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[Assistant] And uhm, I feel like, you know, again, a lot of this stuff is just about trying to get your message to the right people so that you can affect change. Uhm, hopefully that answers your question.


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[Assistant] The work on dark patterns was very interesting. One low level question I had about that is...


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[Assistant] How did you detect all of the dark patterns? Was that done by code or did you have people look at all the sites or how did that work?


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[Assistant] Alright, well, thank you very much for that wonderful talk, Marshnie. And uhm, I think we should finish for the day.


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[Assistant] He's upset about something that he heard you and your friends discussing downstairs. He kept saying something about someone drinking another person's blood.


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[Assistant] He read one of those stupid little letters Ossipon always asks us to sell for him.


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[Assistant] There was something in there about a police officer cutting off a man's ear. I don't remember exactly. It was awful. And poor Stevie was just crazy for the rest of the day and night. He's such a gentle person. He hates the idea of people hurting one another.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm tired. I suppose we should try to get some sleep.


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[Assistant] They put him away for twenty years because of his beliefs. That is a crime against him. Now he has nothing and no one. Obviously, the poor man needs someone to care for him. He cannot do it himself.


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[Assistant] Oh, yeah, it's a habit, it's a bad habit, like saying rape and stuff. Can't you even take me seriously when I say that? Come on, it's just... Really?


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[Assistant] Gao has the surprising ability to possess humans.


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[Assistant] It must feel really good to change people's lives. And I kinda wanna do that too. Could we do it together?


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[Assistant] So this is how I would fold the shirt. Blam. I used to work at J. Crew.


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[Assistant] I did not think this through. You have a five week old baby. We do not need to be organizing your closet right now. Let's go spark a different kind of joy.


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[Assistant] No, if we drink enough of it though, we won't care if your closet is clean.


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[Assistant] To all you mamas out there, you are doing a great job. I promise. Okay? And just in case everyone forgets to tell you, we will. And who else can you trust but two people who tell lies for a living, right? Now raise a glass to yourself. You earned it.


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[Assistant] I did the best that I could until the end. My turn's over, you win gal.


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[Assistant] I could never join you. I didn't start playing Buddyfight to go and do something selfish like that. When facing a new challenge, the Buddyfight code helps me realize my true fate.


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[Assistant] I won't join you because it just isn't the right thing to do. And I also wouldn't want to let my friends down. How could anyone want to betray their friends? Control all monsters and upgrade the world? So it's no. Who'd want such a world?


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[Assistant] I'm with Star Dragon World. The chaos.


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[Assistant] I have the first move. I charge and draw. Blue Crystal Dragon Calvados to the center.


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[Assistant] I don't think that the chaos is just a flag that lets him call several size threes. I bet it's somehow connected to his body.


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[Assistant] Buddyfight has taught me so many things since I started playing it.


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[Assistant] Even during this one, I have learned something very important.


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[Assistant] Okay, it's my turn. I draw, charge and...


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[Assistant] Now it's kickoff time! Athora, attack Groot in the center! You got it!


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[Assistant] Athora has 9000 defense thanks to Crystal Spike's effect. Chaos Osiris doesn't have enough power to defeat him.


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[Assistant] Huh. We got up to a lot of no good in those days.


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[Assistant] Don't take me for a fool. I can see right through your filth, Sakate.


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[Assistant] I suppose there's a time in practically every young boy's life when he's affected by that wonderful disease of puppy love.


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[Assistant] I don't mean the kind a boy has for the pretty little girl that lives down the road, I mean the real kind.


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[Assistant] The kind that has four small feet and a wiggly tail and sharp little teeth that can gnaw on a boy's finger.


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[Assistant] The kind a boy can romp and play with, even eat and sleep with.


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[Assistant] I was ten years old when I first became infected with this terrible disease I'm sure no boy in the world had it worse than I did.


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[Assistant] It's not easy for a young boy to want a dog and not be able to have one. It starts gnawing on his heart and gets all mixed up in his dreams. It gets worse and worse until finally it becomes almost unbearable.


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[Assistant] If my dog wanting had been that of an ordinary boy, I'm sure my mother and father would have gotten me a puppy.


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[Assistant] They had to be a special kind, and a special breed.


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[Assistant] I had to have some dogs. I went to my father and had a talk with him. He scratched his head and thought it over.


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[Assistant] Well Billy, he said, I heard that old man Hatfield's college is going to have pups, I'm sure I can get one of them for you.


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[Assistant] He may as well have poured cold water on me. Papa, I said, I don't want an old collie dog, I want hounds, coon hounds, and I want two of them.


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[Assistant] I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to help me but couldn't. He said,


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[Assistant] Billy, those kind of dogs cost money, and that's something we don't have right now.


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[Assistant] Maybe someday when we can afford it you can have them, but not right now.


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[Assistant] I didn't give up after my talk with Papa. I went to Mama. I fared no better there. Right off she said I was too young to be hunting with hounds. Besides, a hunter needed a gun. And that was one thing I couldn't have. Not until I was 21, anyway.


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[Assistant] I couldn't understand it. There I was, sitting right in the middle of the finest hunting country in the world and I didn't even have a dog.


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[Assistant] Our home was in a beautiful valley far back in the rugged Ozarks. The country was new and sparsely settled. The land we lived on was Cherokee land, allotted to my mother because of the Cherokee blood that flowed in her veins. It lay in a strip from the foothills of the mountains to the banks of the Illinois River in northeastern Oklahoma. The land was rich, black, and fertile. Papa said it would grow hair on a cross-cut saw.


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[Assistant] He was the first man to stick the cold steel point of a turning plow into the virgin soil.


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[Assistant] Mama had picked the spot for our log house, it nestled at the edge of the foothills in the mouth of a small canyon, and was surrounded by a grove of huge red oaks.


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[Assistant] Behind our house, one could see miles and miles of the mighty Ozarks. In the spring, the aromatic scent of wildflowers, red buds, pawpaws, and dogwoods, drifting on the wind currents, spread over the valley and around our home.


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[Assistant] Below our fields, twisting and winding, ran the clear blue waters of the Illinois River.


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[Assistant] The banks were cool and shady. The rich bottomland near the river was studded with tall sycamores, birches, and box elders.


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[Assistant] To a ten-year-old country boy, it was the most beautiful place in the whole wide world, and I took advantage of it all. I roamed the hills and the river bottoms, I knew every game trail and the thick cane breaks, and every animal track that was pressed in the mud along the river banks.


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[Assistant] The ones that fascinated me the most were the babylike tracks of a river coon.


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[Assistant] I'd lie for hours examining them. Before leaving I'd take a switch and sweep them all away. These I called my trail books. The next day I'd hurry back, and sure enough nine times out of ten there in the clean swept ground I would again find the tracks of a ring-tailed coon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew he had passed over the trail during the night. I could close my eyes and almost see him, humped up and waddling along, fishing under the banks with his delicate little paws for crawfish, frogs and minnows. I was a hunter from the time I could walk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went back to my father and mother. It was the same old story. Good hounds cost money and they just didn't have it.


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[Assistant] My dog wanting became so bad I began to lose weight and my food didn't taste good anymore. Mama noticed this and she had a talk with Papa.


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[Assistant] You're going to have to do something, she said. I never saw a boy grieve like that. It's not right. Not right at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know," said Papa, and I feel just as badly as you do, but what can I do? You know we don't have that kind of money. I don't care," said Mama. You've got to do something. I can't stand to see him cry like that. Besides, he's getting to be a problem. I can't get my work done. He follows me around all day long, begging for hounds.


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[Assistant] At first it made me feel pretty good, at least I was getting to be a problem. Then I didn't feel so good.


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[Assistant] It made me feel like someone was squeezing water out of my heart. Papa set me on his lap and we had a good talk.


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[Assistant] He told me how hard times were and that it looked like a man couldn't get a fair price for anything he raised. Some of the farmers had quit farming and were cutting railroad ties so they could feed their families. If things didn't get better, that's what he'd have to do.


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[Assistant] He said he'd give anything if he could get some good hounds for me, but there didn't seem to be any way he could right then.


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[Assistant] I went off to bed with my heart all torn up in little pieces and cried myself to sleep.


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[Assistant] The next day Papa had to go to the store. Late that evening I saw him coming back. As fast as I could I ran to meet him expecting a sack of candy. Instead, he handed me three small steel traps.


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[Assistant] If Santa Claus himself had come down out of the mountains reindeer and all, I would not have been more pleased. I jumped up and down and cried a whole bucket full of tears. I hugged him and told him what a wonderful papa he was.


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[Assistant] He showed me how to set them by mashing the spring down with my foot and how to work the trigger. That took them to bed with me that night. The next morning I started trapping around the barn.


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[Assistant] The first thing I caught was Sammy, our house cat. If this didn't cause a commotion, I didn't intend to catch him, I was trying to catch a rat, but somehow he came nosing around and got in my trap. My sister started bawling and yelling for mama.


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[Assistant] She came running wanting to know what in the world was going on. None of us had to tell her. Sammy told her with his spitting and squalling. He was mad.


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[Assistant] He couldn't understand what that thing was that was biting his foot, and he was making an awful fuss about it. His tail was as big as a wet corn cob, and every hair on his small body was sticking straight up. He spit and yowled and dared anyone to get close to him.


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[Assistant] Mama shushed them up and told me to go get the fork stick from under the clothesline. I ran and got it.


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[Assistant] Mama was the best helper a boy ever had. She put the forked end over Sammy's neck and pinned him to the ground.


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[Assistant] It was bad enough for the trap to be biting his foot, but to have his neck pinned down that way was too much. He threw a fit. I never heard such a racket in all my life.


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[Assistant] It wasn't long until everything on the place was all spooked up. The chickens started cackling and flew way up on the hillside. Daisy, our milk cow, all but tore the barn lot up and refused to give any milk that night. Sloppy Ann, our hog, started running in circles, squealing and grunting.


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[Assistant] Sammy wiggled and twisted. He yowled and spit, but it didn't do him any good. Mama was good and stout. She held him down, tight to the ground. I ran in and put my foot on the trap spring, mashed it down, and released his foot. With one loud squall he scooted under the barn.


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[Assistant] After it was all over, Mama said, I don't think you'll have any more trouble with that cat. I think he has learned his lesson. How wrong Mama was.


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[Assistant] Sammy was one of those nosy kind of cats. He would lie up in the red oak limbs and watch every move I made.


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[Assistant] I found some slick little trails out in our garden down under some tall hollyhocks, thinking they were game trails, and not knowing they were Sammy's favorite hunting trails, I set my traps.


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[Assistant] Sammy couldn't understand what I was doing out there, messing around his hunting territory. He went to investigate. It wasn't long until I had him limping with all four feet. Every time Papa saw Sammy lying around in the warm sun with his feet wrapped up in turpentine rags, he would laugh until big tears rolled down his cheeks.


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[Assistant] Mama had another talk with Papa. She said he was gonna have to say something to me, because if I caught that cat one more time, it would drive her out of her mind.


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[Assistant] Papa told me to be a little more careful where I set my traps. Papa, I said, I don't wanna catch Sammy, but he's the craziest cat I ever saw. He sees everything I do and just has to go sniffing around.