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[Assistant] No good, said Lucy, jumping up and feeling rather frightened. What do you mean?


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[Assistant] I've got to go home at once. The others will be wondering what has happened to me. But a moment later she asked, Mr. Tumnus, whatever is the matter?


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[Assistant] For the fawn's brown eyes had filled with tears, and then the tears began trickling down its cheeks, and soon they were running off the end of its nose. And at last it covered its face with its hands, and began to howl. Mr. Tumnus! Mr. Tumnus! said Lucy in great distress. Don't! Don't! What is the matter? Aren't you well? Dear Mr. Tumnus, do tell me what is wrong.


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[Assistant] But the fawn continued sobbing as if its heart would break.


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[Assistant] And even when Lucy went over and put her arms round him and lent him her handkerchief, he did not stop. He merely took the handkerchief and kept on using it.


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[Assistant] Do stop! Stop it at once! You ought to be ashamed of yourself for great big fawn like you. What on earth are you crying about?


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[Assistant] I'm crying because I'm such a bad fawn.


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[Assistant] I don't think you're a bad fawn at all, said Lucy. I think you're a very good fawn. You are the nicest fawn I've ever met.


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[Assistant] You wouldn't say that if you knew, replied Mr. Tumnus between his sobs.


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[Assistant] No, I'm a bad fawn. I don't suppose there ever was a worse fawn since the beginning of the world. But what have you done? asked Lucy.


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[Assistant] My old father now, said Mr. Thomas. That's his picture over the mantelpiece. He would never have done a thing like this. A thing like what, said Lucy. Like what I've done, said the fawn.


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[Assistant] Taken service under the White Witch. That's what I am.


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[Assistant] I'm in the pay of the white witch. The white witch? Who is she?


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[Assistant] I'm a kidnapper for her. That's what I am. Look at me, daughter of Eve.


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[Assistant] Would you believe that I'm the sort of faun to meet a poor, innocent child in the wood, one that had never done me any harm, and pretend to be friendly with it and invite it home to my cave all for the sake of lulling it asleep and then handing it over to the White Witch? No, said Lucy, I'm sure you wouldn't do anything of the sort. But I have!


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[Assistant] Said the fawn. Well? Said Lucy rather slowly.


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[Assistant] Said the fawn. It isn't something I have done!


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[Assistant] You are the child, said Thomas.


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[Assistant] I had orders from the White Witch that if ever I saw a son of Adam or a daughter of Eve in the wood, I was to catch them and hand them over to her. And you are the first I ever met.


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[Assistant] And I've pretended to be your friend and asked you to tea and all the time I've been meaning to wait till you were asleep and then go and tell her. Oh, but you won't, Mr. Tumnus, said Lucy. You won't, will you? Indeed, indeed, you really mustn't. And if I don't, said he, beginning to cry again,


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[Assistant] She's sure to find out. And she'll have my tail cut off and my horn sawn off and my beard plucked out and she'll wave her wand over my beautiful cloven hoofs and turn them into horrid solid hoofs like a wretched horse's.


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[Assistant] And if she is extra and specially angry, she'll turn me into stone, and I shall be only a statue of a faun in her horrible house until the four thrones at Caer Paravell are filled, and goodness knows when that will happen, or whether it will ever happen at all. I'm very sorry, Mr. Tumnus, said Lucy, but please let me go home.


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[Assistant] Of course I will," said the fawn. Of course I've got to. I see that now. I hadn't known what humans were like before I met you.


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[Assistant] Of course I can't give you up to the witch. Not now that I know you.


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[Assistant] But we must be off at once. I'll see you back to the lamp-post. I suppose you can find your own way from there back to Spare-Oom and Wardrobe."


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[Assistant] We must go as quietly as we can," said Mr. Tumnus. The whole wood is full of her spies. Even some of the trees are on her side. They both got up and left the teethings on the table.


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[Assistant] And Mr. Tumnus once more put up his umbrella and gave Lucy his arm, and they went out into the snow. The journey back was not at all like the journey to the Fawns Cave.


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[Assistant] They stole along as quickly as they could without speaking a word, and Mr. Tumnus kept to the darkest places.


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[Assistant] Lucy was relieved when they reached the lamppost again.


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[Assistant] Do you know your way from here, daughter of Eve? said Thomas.


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[Assistant] Then be off home as quick as you can, said the fawn, and k-k-k-k.


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[Assistant] Can you ever forgive me for what I meant to do?


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[Assistant] Why of course I can, said Lucy, shaking him heartily by the hand.


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[Assistant] And I do hope you won't get into dreadful trouble on my account.


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[Assistant] Farewell, daughter of Eve, said he. Perhaps I may keep the hanker


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[Assistant] And then ran toward the far-off patch of daylight as quickly as her legs would carry her.


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[Assistant] And presently, instead of rough branches brushing past her, she felt coats. And instead of crunching snow under her feet, she felt wooden boards. And all at once, she found herself jumping out of the wardrobe into the same empty room from which the whole adventure had started.


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[Assistant] She shut the wardrobe door tightly behind her and looked around, panting for breath. It was still raining and she could hear the voices of the others in the passage.


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[Assistant] Oh, yeah. Oh, he has three spots. Okay. There's one on each wingtip. Oh. And then one on his- Oh, good! Yeah, so you gotta run across there without gripping.


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[Assistant] This is not good. This is a, this is a pukes coaster. And uh- NOOOOO-


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[Assistant] He's like, there he is. There's the prick.


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[Assistant] Uh, no. He'll come at you if he's angry at you. Really? Yeah. He just lands if he's kinda like, whatever. Yeah, I think you gotta get his attention, dude.


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[Assistant] Yeah, lead it, lead it. Ah, he didn't lead it far enough.


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[Assistant] Yeah, wow. Gotta say, your dude has amazing fucking grip.


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[Assistant] If this were real life, I would be terrified.


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[Assistant] Because there's nothing around anymore. This whole world is just filled with desolation.


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[Assistant] Yeah, much like if Smaug were present.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it's gonna be a giant fucking orgy of black goo.


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[Assistant] I think that's like one of my favorite things to do now.


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[Assistant] This one is, uh, this one's really good. This one's gonna throw you for a loop, I'm sure.


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[Assistant] Which I think is also a temple where you will fight another monster.


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[Assistant] Get him with your fucking bow, dude. Don't let him escape. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Get him, get him, get him, get him! Get him! Why are you taking so long?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I feel kinda bad. So, uh, grab your go to your hand. Yeah, okay, and then pick them up.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I guess I wasn't paying enough attention. Hey! Next time on Game Grumps! Okay! More expertly delivered fucking, uh. Hey shoot those, shoot those uh, shoot those little danglers on the tree. Shoot those little danglers. The little fruits? Yea.


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[Assistant] At first he thought that he had slept late, after a long unpleasant dream that still hovered on the edge of memory.


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[Assistant] Or perhaps he had been ill, but the ceiling looked strange. It was flat, and it had dark beams richly carved. He lay a little while longer, looking at patches of sunlight on the wall, and listening to the sound of waterfalls.


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[Assistant] He said aloud to the ceiling. In the house of Elrond.


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[Assistant] It is the morning of October the 24th, if you want to know. Gandalf! cried Frodo, sitting up.


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[Assistant] There was the old wizard, sitting in a chair by the open window. Yes. He said, I am here.


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[Assistant] You are lucky to be here too, after all the absurd things you have done since you left home. Frodo lay down again.


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[Assistant] He felt too comfortable and peaceful to argue, and in any case he did not think he would get the better of any argument. He was fully awake now, and the memory of his journey was returning. The disastrous shortcut through the old forest, the accident at the prancing pony, and his madness in putting on the ring in the dell under the weather-top.


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[Assistant] While he was thinking of all these things and trying in vain to bring his memory down to his arriving in Rivendell, there was a long silence.


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[Assistant] Broken slowly by the soft puffs of Gandalf's pipe as he blew white smoke rings out the window.


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[Assistant] Where is Sam? Fredo asked at length. It are the others alright.


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[Assistant] The wound was overcoming you at last. A few more hours and you would have been beyond our aid. But you have some strength in you, my dear Hobbit. As you showed in the Barrow.


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[Assistant] That was touch and go, perhaps the most dangerous moment of all. I wish you could have held out at Weathertop.


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[Assistant] You have talked long in your sleep, Frodo, said Gandalf gently. And it has not been hard for me to read your mind and memory. Do not worry, though I said absurd just now, I did not mean it. I think well of you, and of the others.


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[Assistant] It is no small feat to have come so far, and through such dangers, still bearing the ring.


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[Assistant] I wish you would tell me what happened. A whole and good time. You are not supposed to talk or worry about anything today. By Helen Rolland's orders.


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[Assistant] Yes, I, Gandalf the Grey, said the wizard solemnly. There are many powers in this world, for good or for evil. Some are greater than I am. Against some I have not yet been measured. But my time is coming. The Morgor lord and his black riders have come forth. War is preparing. Then you knew of the riders already? Before I met them?


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[Assistant] Indeed I spoke of them once to you, for the Black Riders are the Ringwraiths, the nine servants of the Lord of the Rings.


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[Assistant] But I did not know that they had arisen again, or I should have fled with you at once. I heard news of them only after I left you in June. But that story must wait.


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[Assistant] For the moment we have been saved from disaster. By Aragorn.


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[Assistant] Only a ranger, cried Gandalf. My dear Frodo, that is just what rangers are. The last


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[Assistant] He fell silent and shut his eyes. After a while he spoke again.


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[Assistant] It's not cold, he added, touching his left hand with his right. Good, said Gandalf. It is mending fast.


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[Assistant] Well, four nights and three days to be exact. The elves brought you from the ford on the night of the 20th. And that is where you lost count. We have been terribly anxious and Sam has hardly left your side. Day or night. Except to run messages.


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[Assistant] Elrond is a master of healing, but the weapons of our enemy are deadly.


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[Assistant] Frodo shuddered, remembering the cruel knife with notched blade that had vanished in Strider's hands. Don't be alarmed, said Gandalf. It is gone now. It has been melted. And it seems that hobbits fade very reluctantly.


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[Assistant] They tried to pierce your heart with a Morgul knife which remains in the wound. If they had succeeded, you would have become like they are, only weaker and under their command.


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[Assistant] You would have become a wraith, under the dominion of the Dark Lord, and he would have tormented you for trying to keep his ring.


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[Assistant] If any greater torment were possible than being robbed of it and seeing it on his hand.


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[Assistant] And that was because you resisted to the last. But it was a terribly narrow shave, so to speak. You were in gravest peril while you were wore the ring.


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[Assistant] Because they are real horses, just as the black robes are real robes that they wear to give shape to their nothingness when they have dealings with the living.


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[Assistant] They walk alive under the sun, and yet are under his sway. And their number is growing daily.


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[Assistant] The elves may fear the Dark Lord and they may fly before him, but never again will they listen to him or serve him.


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[Assistant] And here in Rivendell, there lives still some of his chief foes.


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[Assistant] They do not fear the Ring Race, for those who have dwelt in the Blessed Realm live at once in both worlds, and against both the seen and the unseen they have great power.


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[Assistant] Yes, you saw him for a moment as he is upon the other side. One of the mighty of the firstborn. He is an elf lord of a house of princes.


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[Assistant] Indeed, there is a power in Rivendell to withstand the might of Mordor for a while, and elsewhere other powers still dwell. There is power too, of another kind in the Shire.


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[Assistant] But all such places will soon become islands and a siege. If things go on as they are going, the Dark Lord is putting forth all his strength.


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[Assistant] Still, he said, standing suddenly up and sticking out his chin while his beard went stiff and straight like bristling wire. We must keep up our courage. You will soon be well if I do not talk you to death. You are in Rivendell, and you need not worry about anything for the present.


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[Assistant] But that shall be able to close my eyes until you've finished the story for me.


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[Assistant] Gandalf moved his chair to the bedside and took a good look at Frodo. The colour had come back to his face, and his eyes were clear and fully awake and aware. He was smiling, and there seemed to be little wrong with him. But to the wizard's eye, there was a faint change. Just a hint, as it were, of transparency about him. And especially about the left hand that lay outside upon the coverlet.


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[Assistant] He does not have through yet, and to what he will come in the end not even Elrond can foretell. Not to evil, I think.


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[Assistant] I will risk a brief tale without consulting Elrond, but quite brief mind you, and then you must sleep again. This is what happened, as far as I can gather.


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[Assistant] The riders made straight for you. As soon as you fled. They did not need the guidance of their horses any longer. You had become visible to them. Being already on the threshold of their world. And also the ring drew them. Your friends sprang aside off the road or they would have been ridden down. They knew that nothing could save you if the white horse could not.


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[Assistant] The riders were too swift to overtake, and too many to oppose.


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[Assistant] On foot, even Glorfindel and Aragorn together could not withstand all the nine at once. When the ring race swept by, your friends ran up behind.


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[Assistant] Close to the fort there is a small hollow beside the road, masked by a few stunted trees. There they hastily kindled fire, for Glorfindel knew that a flood would come down if the riders tried to cross.


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[Assistant] Caught between fire and water, seeing an elf lord revealed in his wrath, they were dismayed, and their horses were stricken with madness. Three were carried away by the first assault of the flood.


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[Assistant] Asked Frodo. No, said Gandalf. Their horses must have perished and without them they are crippled.


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[Assistant] But the Ringwraiths themselves cannot be so easily destroyed. However, there is nothing more to fear from them at the present.


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[Assistant] Your friends crossed after the flood has passed and they found you lying on your face at the top of the bank, with a broken sword under you. The horse was standing guard beside you. You were pale and cold, and they feared that you were dead, or worse.


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[Assistant] Elrond's folk met them, carrying you slowly towards Rivendell. Who made the flood? asked Frodo. Elrond commanded it, answered Gandalf. The river of this valley is under his power, and it will rise in anger when he has great need to bar the ford.


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[Assistant] As soon as the captain of the ring race strode into the water, the flood was released. If I may say so, I added a few touches of my own.


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[Assistant] You may not have noticed, but some of the waves took the form of great white horses with shining white riders, and there were many rolling and grinding boulders. For a moment I was afraid that we let loose too fierce a wrath, and the flood would get out of hand and wash you all away.


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[Assistant] Soon there will be feasting and merrymaking to celebrate the victory at the fort of Bruinen, and you will all be there in places of honor.


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[Assistant] Frodo was now safe in the last homely house, east of the sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, a perfect house.


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[Assistant] merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear, and sadness. As the evening drew on, Frodo woke up again.


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[Assistant] It looked remarkably like the young nephew of Bilbo who used to go tramping with his uncle in the Shire, but the eyes looked out at him thoughtfully.


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[Assistant] Yes, you have seen a thing or two since you last peeped out of the looking glass. He said in his reflection.


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[Assistant] And Sam came in. He ran to Frodo and took his left hand, awkwardly and shyly. He stroked it gently and then he blushed and turned hastily away. Hello Sam. Said Frodo. It's warm.


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[Assistant] It has felt so cold through the long nights, but glory in trumpets! He cried, turning around again with shining eyes and dancing on the floor. It's fine to see you up at yourself again, sir!


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[Assistant] Sam led him along several passages and down many steps, and out into a high garden above the steep bank of the river.


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[Assistant] And the evening was filled with the faint scent of trees and flowers, as if summer still lingered in Elrond's gardens.


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[Assistant] Gandalf has been saying many cheerful things like that, except Pippin.


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[Assistant] That will soon be cured, said Pippin.


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[Assistant] You've shown your usual cunning in getting up just in time for a meal. More than a meal, a FACE, said Mary. As soon as Gandalf reported you were recovered, the preparations began.


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[Assistant] The whole of Elrond's house was filled with folk, elves for the most part, who there were few guests of other sorts.


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[Assistant] Elrond, as was his custom, sat in a great chair at the end of the long table upon the diet. And next to him, on the one side sat Glorfindel, and on the other side sat Gandalf. Frodo looked at them in wonder, for he had never before seen Elrond, of whom so many tales spoke.


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[Assistant] And as they sat upon his right hand and his left, Glorfindel and even Gandalf, whom he thought he knew so well, were revealed as lords of dignity and power.


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[Assistant] Gandalf was shorter in stature than the other two, but his long white hair, his sweeping silver beard,


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[Assistant] At his broad shoulders, made him look like some wise king of ancient legend.


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[Assistant] Glorfindel was tall and straight. His hair was of shining gold.


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[Assistant] His hair was dark as the shadows of twilight, and upon it was set a circlet of silver. His eyes were grey as a clear evening, and in them was a light, like the light of stars.


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[Assistant] Venerable, he seemed as a king, crowned with many winters.


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[Assistant] In the middle of the table, against the woven cloths upon the wall, there was a chair under a canopy. And there sat a lady, fair to look upon.


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[Assistant] Above her brow, her head was covered with a cap of silver lace netted with small gems, glittering white, but her soft grey raiment had no ornament save a girdle of leaves wrought in silver.


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[Assistant] So it was that Frodo saw her whom few mortals had yet seen. Arwen, daughter of Elrond.


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[Assistant] Long she had been in the land of her mother's kin, in Lorien, and was but lately returned to Rivendell to her father's house. But her brothers, Eladan and Elrohir, were now upon Erentric.


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[Assistant] For they rode often far afield with the rangers of the north, forgetting never their mother's torment in the dens of the orcs.


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[Assistant] Such loveliness and living thing Frodo has never seen before nor imagined in his mind. And he was both surprised and abashed to find that he had a seat at Elrond's table among all these folk so high and fair.


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[Assistant] Though he had a suitable chair and was raised upon several cushions, he felt very small, and rather out of place. But that feeling quickly passed.


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[Assistant] It was some time before he looked about him again or even turned to his neighbors.


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[Assistant] He looked at first to his friends. Sam had begged to be allowed to wait on his master, but he had been told that for this time he was a guest of honor.


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[Assistant] Next to Frodo on his right sat a dwarf of important appearance, richly dressed.


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[Assistant] He wore a silver belt, and round his neck hung a chain of silver and diamonds. Should have stopped eating to look at him.


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[Assistant] Frodo Baggins at your service and your family's, said Frodo correctly, rising in surprise and scattering his cushions.


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[Assistant] Am I right in guessing that you are THE Glowing of one of the twelve companions of the great Thorin Oakenshield?


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[Assistant] Answer the dwarf, gathering up the cushions and courteously assisting Frodo back into his seat.


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[Assistant] He guessed that even in Elrond's house the matter of the ring was not one for casual talk, and in any case he wished to forget his troubles for a time. But I am equally curious, he added.


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[Assistant] To learn what brings so important a dwarf from the lonely mountain. Lauren looked at him.


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[Assistant] But there is much else than they be told. Throughout the rest of the meal they talk together.


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[Assistant] And with that, Glorion embarked on a long account of the doings of the Dwarf Kingdom.


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[Assistant] Of the ten companions who had survived the battle of five armies, seven were still with him.


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[Assistant] Dwallin, Glóin, Dórin, Nóri, Biffur, Boffur, and Bomber.


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[Assistant] Bombo was now so fat that he could not move himself from his couch to his chair and table. It took six young dwarves to lift him.


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[Assistant] But tonight, let us speak of merrier things. Loin began then to talk of the works of his people.


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[Assistant] Elrond and Arwen rose and went down the hole, and the company followed them in due order.


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[Assistant] The doors were thrown open, and they went across a wide passage and through the other doors, and came into a further hole.


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[Assistant] In it were no tables, but a bright fire was burning in a great hearth between the carbon pillars upon either side. Frodo found himself walking with Gandalf.


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[Assistant] As Elrond entered and went towards the seat prepared for him, elvish minstrels began to make sweet music. Slowly the hole filled.


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[Assistant] And Frodo looked with delight upon the many fair faces that were gathered together. The golden firelight played upon them and shimmered in their hair.


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[Assistant] Suddenly he noticed not far from the further end of the fire a small dark figure seated on a stool with his back propped against a pillar. Beside him on the ground was a drinking cup, and some bread. Frodo wondered whether he was ill, if people were ever ill in Rivendell, and had been unable to come to the feast. His head seemed sunk in sleep on his breast, and a fold of his dark cloak was drawn over his face. Elrond went forward and stood beside the silent figure.


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[Assistant] Bilbo! Cried Frodo with sudden recognition, and he sprang forward.


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[Assistant] There was a bright twinkle in it and no sign of sleepiness that Frodo could see.


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[Assistant] I was stuck over a line or two and I was thinking about them. But now I don't suppose I should ever get them right.


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[Assistant] In the meanwhile, Frodo and Bilbo sat side by side, and Sam came quickly and placed himself near them. They talked together in soft voices, oblivious of the mirth and music in the hall about them.


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[Assistant] And after a rest, I went on with the dwarves to Dale, my last journey. I shan't travel again. Old Barlin had gone away. Then I came back here, and here I have been. I have done this and that.


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[Assistant] I've written some more of my book, and of course, I make up a few songs. They sing them occasionally, just to please me, I think.


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[Assistant] I hear all kinds of news from over the mountains and out from the south, but hardly anything from the Shire.


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[Assistant] I heard about the ring, of course. Gandalf had been here often.


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[Assistant] Not that he has told me a great deal, he has become closer than ever these last few years. The Doonadan has told me more. Fancy that ring of mine causing such a disturbance.


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[Assistant] I could have brought the thing here myself long ago without so much trouble. I've thought several times of going back to Hobbiton for it. But I am getting old. Gandalf and Elrond, I mean.


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[Assistant] They seemed to think that the enemy was looking high and low for me, and would make mincemeat of me if he caught me tottering about in the wild. And Gandalf said, the ring has passed on Bilbo.


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[Assistant] It would not do good to you or to others if you tried to meddle with it again. What sort of remark? Just like Gandalf. But he said he was going after you, so I let things be.


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[Assistant] Yes, I've got it, answered Frodo, feeling a strange reluctance. It looks just the same as it ever did. Well, I should just like to see it for a moment, said Bilbo.


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[Assistant] And through it he found himself eyeing a little wrinkled creature with a hungry face and bony groping hands. He felt a desire to strike him.


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[Assistant] The music and singing around them seemed to falter, and a silence fell.


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[Assistant] Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on the story. Well, it can't be helped. I wonder if it's any good trying to finish my book. But don't let's worry about it now. Let's have some real news. Tell me about the Shire.


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[Assistant] The light and music of Rivendell was about him again. Bilbo smiled and laughed happily.


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[Assistant] You seem to have a lot of names. Well, Strider is one that I haven't heard before anyway. Said Bilbo. What do you call him that for? They call me that in Bree.


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[Assistant] Said Strider laughing. And that is how I was introduced to him. And, and why do you call him Dunadan? Asked Frodo. The Dunadan. Said Bilbo. He's often called that here.


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[Assistant] But I thought you knew enough, Elvish, to at least know Dunadan. Man of the West. The Numenorean. But this is not the time for lessons. He turned to Strider. Where have you been, my friend? Why weren't you at the feast? The Lady Arwen was there. Strider looked down at Bilbo bravely. I know, he said.


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[Assistant] But often I must put mirth aside. Elidan and Elrohir have returned out of the wild and looked for. And they had tidings that I wish to hear at once.


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[Assistant] Well, my dear fellow, said Bilbo, now you've heard the news, can't you spare me a moment? I want your help in something urgent.


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[Assistant] Edron says this song of mine is to be finished before the end of the evening and I am stuck. Let's go off in a corner and polish it up. Strider smiled. Come on then, let's hear it. Frodo was left to himself for a while, for Sam had fallen asleep. He was alone and felt rather forlorn, although all about him the folk of Rivendell were gathered.


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[Assistant] There he wandered long in the dream of music that turned into running water, and then suddenly into a voice.


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[Assistant] Arendil was a mariner that tarried in Arvernian. He built a boat of timber felled, in Nimrithil to journey in.


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[Assistant] Her sails he wove of silver fair, Of silver were her lanterns made, Her prow was fashioned like a swan, And light upon the banners laid, In panoply of ancient kings. It chained rings and armoured him,


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[Assistant] His shining shield was scorched with runes, toward all wounds and harm from him. His bow was made of dragonhorn. His arrows shone of ebony. Of silver was his abergion. His scabbard of chalcedony.


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[Assistant] His sword of steel was valiant, Of adamant his helmet tall, An eagle plume upon his crest, Upon his breast an emerald.


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[Assistant] Beneath the moon and under star he wandered far from northern strands, bewildered on enchanted ways, beyond the days of mortal land.


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[Assistant] The winds of wrath came driving him, and blindly in the foam he fled. From west to east, all errandless, unheralded, he, he homeward sped.


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[Assistant] Their flying elwig came to him, and flame was in the darkness lit. More brighten.


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[Assistant] Light of diamond, the fire upon her carcassinets.


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[Assistant] And dauntless with the burning brow, He turned his prow, and in the night, From otherworld beyond the sea, There strong and free a storm arose, A wind of power in terminal, By paths that seldom mortal goes.


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[Assistant] His boated boar with biting breath, As might of death across the grey, And long forsaken seas distressed, From east to west he passed away.


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[Assistant] Through every night he back was born on black and roaring waves that ran, e'er the leagues unlit and founded shores that drowned before the days began.


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[Assistant] Until he heard on strands of pearl, Where ends the world the music long, Wherever foaming billows roll, The yellow gold in jewels won.


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[Assistant] He saw the mountain silver rise, where twilight lies upon the knees. Of Valinor and Eldamar beheld afar beyond the seas. A wanderer escaped from night.


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[Assistant] To heaven white he came at last, To elven home, the green and fair, Where keen the air were pale as glass, Beneath the hill of Ilmarin.


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[Assistant] A glimmer in a valley sheer, the lamplid towers of Tirion. A mirrored on the shadow-mere.


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[Assistant] He tarried there from errantry, and melodies they taught to him.


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[Assistant] They clothed him then in elven white, and seven lights before him sent.


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[Assistant] As through the Kalakiryan, to hidden land forlorn he went. He came into the timeless halls, where shining fall and countless years, and endless reigns the elder king.


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[Assistant] In Ilmarin, on Mountaineer, and words unheard were spoken then of folk of men and elvenkin, beyond the world where visions showed forbid to those that dwelled therein. A ship then new they built for him, of mithril and of elvenglass.


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[Assistant] With shining prow, no shaven oar, Nor sail he bore on silver mast, The silmaril as lantern light, And banner bright with living flame, To gleam thereon by elbereth.


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[Assistant] Her self was set who hither came, and wings immortal made for him, and laid on him undying dew.


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[Assistant] From Evereven's softy hills, where softly silver mountains fall, His wings him bore a wandering light, beyond the mighty mountain wall.


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[Assistant] From world's end he turned away and yearned again to find afar his home through shadows journey. And burning as an island star on high above the mists he came, a distant flame before the sun, a wonder here, the waking dawn, where grey the northern waters run.


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[Assistant] And over middle, and over middle earth he passed, and heard at last the weeping sore, of women and of elven maids, in elder day, in years of yore. But on him mighty doom was laid.


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[Assistant] Till moon should fade an orbit star to pass and tarry nevermore, On hither shores where mortals are, Forever still a herald on, An errand that would never rest, To bear his shining lamp afar, The flammifier of westernness.


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[Assistant] But really we cannot answer your question at one hearing. What?! Cried Bilbo.


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[Assistant] You can't tell which parts were mine and which were the dunadans. It is not easy for us to tell the difference between two mortals. Said the elf. Pfft, nonsense, slim dear. Snorted Bilbo.


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[Assistant] If you can't distinguish between a man and a hobbit, your judgement is poorer than I imagined. They're as different as peas and apples.


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[Assistant] Maybe. Sheep other sheep no doubt appear different, laughs Lindir.


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[Assistant] Or to shepherds, but mortals have not been our study. We have other business.


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[Assistant] I won't argue with you, said Bilbo. I am sleepy after so much music and singing. I'll leave you to guess if you want to. He got up and came towards Frodo. Well, that's over, he said in a low voice. It went off better than I expected. I don't often get asked for a second hearing. What did you think of it? I'm not going to try and guess, said Frodo, smiling. You needn't, said Bilbo.


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[Assistant] Except that Aragorn insisted on my putting in a green stone. He seemed to think it important. I don't know why.


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[Assistant] Otherwise he obviously thought the whole thing rather above my head, and he said that if I had the cheek to make verses about Ereindil in the House of Elrond, it was my affair. I suppose he was right. I don't know, said Frodo. It seemed to me to fit somehow, though I can't explain. I was half asleep when you began. It seemed to follow on form something that I was dreaming about.


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[Assistant] It is difficult to keep awake here until you get used to it. Said Bill though.


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[Assistant] Not that hobbits would ever acquire quite the elvish appetite for music and poetry and tales. They seem to like them as much as food, or more. And they will be going on for a long time yet. What do you say to slipping off for some more quiet talk? Can we? said Frodo. Of course. This is merry-making, not business. Come and go as you like, as long as you don't make a noise.


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[Assistant] They got up and withdrew quietly into the shadows, and made for the doors.


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[Assistant] Sam they left behind, fast asleep, still with a smile on his face.


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[Assistant] In spite of his delight in Bilbo's company, Frodo felt a tug of regret as they passed out of the hole of fire.


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[Assistant] Elrond was in his chair, and the fire was on his face like summer light upon the trees. Near him sat the Lady Arwen. To his surprise, Frodo saw that Aragorn stood beside her. His dark cloak was thrown back, and he seemed to be clad in elven mail, and a star shone on his breast. They spoke together.


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[Assistant] And the light of her eyes fell on him from afar and pierced his heart.


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[Assistant] They will sing that and other songs of the blessed realm many times tonight. Come on. He led Frodo back to his own little room.


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[Assistant] It opened onto the gardens and looked south across the ravine of the Bruinen.


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[Assistant] There they sat for some time, looking through the window at the brightest stars above the steep climbing woods, and talking softly.


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[Assistant] Well sir, there is a council early tomorrow here, and he only got up today for the first time. Quite right, Sam. Laughter, though. You can trot off and tell Gandalf that he has gone to bed. Good night, Frodo. Bless me. But it has been good seeing you again.


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[Assistant] There are no folk-like hobbits after all for a real good talk. I'm getting very old and I begin to wonder if I should ever live to see your chapters of our story. Good night. I'll take a walk I think and look at the stars of Elbereth in the garden. Sleep well.


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[Assistant] Uh, you're forced to go down to College Station to cover a couple of games, and uh, you know, you can't escape them, unfortunately.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah. So I used to work at an outlet called Dave Campbell's Texas Football. It's kind of known as the Bible of Texas football down here in the state of Texas. And so I got to do a bunch of magazines, did cover stories for the magazines. So all the covers back here are football and basketball cover stories that I got to do for the magazines.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think right now we're obviously in a very tenuous position, right? I think that at this moment, right, the Pac-12 is entering this negotiation window.


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[Assistant] With Fox and ESPN, and I think a lot of that is going to spell the future for the Pac-12, right? Because, uh, look, if the numbers are great, then things are gonna be easy, right? I think then the Pac-12 kinda stays together and tries to go at it long term.


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[Assistant] The ACC also sounds like they're trying to get in on this discussion, trying to create some sort of new alliance now that the back, the Big Ten has kind of stabbed them in the back in some ways, uh, to try to increase the revenue for both of these leagues. There's no other way to describe it.


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[Assistant] But if the numbers aren't good and if the future looks a little bit more stable in the Big 12, I think that they could make that kind of decision.


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[Assistant] This isn't a decision that's going to happen in a week or anything like that. I think that we're going to go through that whole 30 day window. I think that the contract is going to be opened up to outsiders. Obviously being on the West Coast, maybe get an Amazon or an Apple involved, but I think that long term it seems to be trending that the Pac-12 might be in trouble.


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[Assistant] I think that right now what the pathway looks like for everybody else is the SEC and Big Ten are going to be doing something that nobody else can match. There's no super conference you can form to match up with it. There's nothing you can do from a revenue perspective to actually compete with those two leagues.


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[Assistant] Try to be number three. There's still gonna be, I think, value there. It's not gonna be anywhere near the value of those top leagues.


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[Assistant] But you know, I think you still can do better financially than what you do right now, potentially. You're in the 60 million dollar range potentially instead of in the 30s or the 20s, which looks like where it might be heading. So, uh, so I think that obviously a big part of this too is going to be access to the playoff and access to national stuff and access to


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[Assistant] So here, here's the one thing that I'll say, right, is that, uh, I was talking to a, a player kind of activist, and one thing that he said is that historically, the biggest thing that's driven change in college athletics is competition, right? Doing things for the, the best of, for the kids, doing things that's best for the sport, that's not really what ultimately ends up making decisions.


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[Assistant] So here's the issue, is that I think that we're probably heading in a direction sorta like that.


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[Assistant] These rich, rich schools, these giant brands with infinite boosters are going to not, uh, kind of try to match that as well.


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[Assistant] I think that ultimately that might be a move for them, but I think it's probably going to end up being all five of these conferences in one way or another break up from the NCAA and create some sort of compensation system. So I think it would maybe be a short-term winner, but I think that the Big Ten and SEC will happily step up and take that challenge.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I think that long term, one of the biggest questions is going to be,


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[Assistant] With those really powerful ACC brands that are left, especially on the football side, with Clemson, Florida State, Miami, I think you could throw Virginia Tech in there, the North Carolina schools. What happens next with them? Are they clamoring to get out and does the SEC or Big Ten want them?


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[Assistant] I think that that's going to be such a huge part of that, especially because, like you said, I mean, Duke and North Carolina both play in the ACC of course, uh, you know, these are...


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[Assistant] What is the value, right? What is the value from their perspective? Are you willing to be competitive with some of the contract offers that you're giving out with obviously the football side for the Big Ten and the SEC with potentially this level of strength on the basketball side? That's an existential question, I think.


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[Assistant] You know, if you are one of these three other leagues, maybe it's a, maybe that's the kind of chance you need to take.


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[Assistant] I think that these two te shoulders better than ever obviously all those playma side of the ball. This i best offenses we've seen of those guys, you know, T be back for another year, these guys are going to at some point in the NFL


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[Assistant] No, I mean I think that this is going to be in some ways a make or break season for him. Obviously, look, he's been so successful. It's not like he's going to get fired or anything like that, but I think that this is sort of the moment where he needs to take that next step and, and win that national championship. Cause right now, I mean, look, he had two years of Justin Fields where they went to the playoff both years. They played the national championship game. Uh, but.


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[Assistant] in the game, the way that only ended up in the Rose I think that's a disappoint back this upcoming gear, the best wide receiver in the and Jake, but you've got t one overall pick in CJ str talent on both sides of


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[Assistant] This is kind of the moment that you need to say, hey, look, obviously things have progressed since Urban Myers and obviously Ohio State's in a great position to be nationally competitive, but you have to win the big one, right? I mean, for so long, Ohio State was a school that was right there on the cusp of things and struggled to win the big one. I think this is the moment where it needs to happen.


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[Assistant] two, five stars. They're or number two class in the So there's a lot of excitem I think that arch manning


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[Assistant] Steve Sarkeesian, a fresh slate. But here's the one thing that I'll say, right? All this sounds nice because you can forget that they went five and seven last year.


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[Assistant] And ultimately, if they don't manage to capitalize on what they're supposed to do this upcoming year, I mean, they're the favorites to win the Big 12 after missing a bowl game last year, right? The expectations are going to be off the charts.


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[Assistant] Ultimately, Steve Sarkeesian has not coached a team in his seven seasons that's finished with fewer than four win or four losses, excuse me. So this is a team that I think needs to have a breakout moment. They need to push for 10 wins because ultimately if you do all this stuff right off the field and don't have results, I don't think this stuff keeps going on.


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[Assistant] Well known, of course. The Colonel studied at the University of Leipzig.


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[Assistant] Don't be too hard on yourself. There has been a lot of them. This will actually be Italy's 65th government in just over 70 years. So at that rate, it's probably hard for Italians to remember who their leader is. For the record, it's this man. Also for the record, it's not that man. I just typed Italian man into a stock image site, and he is what came up.


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[Assistant] It's true. Italy is in turmoil and is dabbling with fascism. And that should worry everyone. Because the last time they did that, they wound up with Mussolini, the, to put it nicely, Turner to Hitler's hooch.


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[Assistant] And sadly, the conditions are ripe for fascism to flourish there. Italy is Europe's third largest economy, yet its public debt is 130% of GDP. For context, that's second only to Greece. And the Bank of Greece is currently just a goat dancing around an open fire.


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[Assistant] And let's begin with the key figures. First, former Prime Minister Matteo Renzi. He is a centrist, and he had to resign dramatically after making a bold attempt to reform Italy's political system. A referendum that did not go well for him.


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[Assistant] And I would say that that was Renzi's most humiliating defeat, but that honor really has to go to his actual appearance in the 90s on Italy's Wheel of Fortune.


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[Assistant] The country has well documented problems with corruption, and their government is famously gridlocked. And one of the most interesting parties attempting to harness this anger is called Five Star. It started just eight years ago in a very unusual way.


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[Assistant] And Five Stars candidate is 31 year old Luigi Di Maio, and I would argue that 31 is a little young to be the leader of a major European nation. To give you some perspective on that, Di Maio is one year younger


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[Assistant] And in recent months, they've shown an ugly side, taking an increasingly hard-line stance regarding immigration, with De Maio criticizing some rescue efforts in the Mediterranean as, In addition, some party members have engaged in vaccine skepticism, and De Maio recently proposed rolling back


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[Assistant] Now, next there is The League. It's a far-right party led by Matteo Salvini, who incredibly, like Renzi, also appeared on an Italian game show.


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[Assistant] He has grown up into a truly poisonous politician. He compared the female Speaker of the House to an inflatable sex doll. Uh, he's taken a hard line on immigration, saying out of control immigration leads to drug dealing, rape, theft, and violence. And he has trafficked in some pretty alarming rhetoric.


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[Assistant] And the frightening thing is not all Italian voters are concerned by Salvini. One told the New York Times, I like him because he puts Italians first, and I guess he's a fascist too. What can you do?


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[Assistant] Salvini met with Trump during the 2016 campaign, and Trump reportedly told Salvini that he hoped he would become Prime Minister of Italy soon. And I hope, sincerely, that that does not happen, because Salvini's tone has attracted some nasty followers. Just look at what happened earlier this month.


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[Assistant] Now, that man in question reportedly called Salvini his captain, and was one of the league's candidates for a local election last year, which is awful, although it should be noted that in that election, he received no votes. Which means, not only did his family and friends not vote for him, he didn't even vote for himself!


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[Assistant] So in the midst of economic uncertainty, fake news and race-baiting, it is clear that what Italy needs is someone to step up and lead them out of trouble. I'm talking about a bold new voice, a fresh leader of tomorrow. So please, show us Italy.


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[Assistant] Who shall be your knight in shining armor?


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[Assistant] His ego is legendary. He once claimed, my greatness is without question, my human substance, my history, other people dream to have. And in the years that Berlusconi was in power, he built a quasi-cult of personality around himself, perhaps best exemplified by this campaign song from 2008.


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[Assistant] And on the world stage, Berlusconi's diplomacy left a lot to be desired. He joked more than once that President Obama was tanned, and allegedly made a comment about Angela Merkel that was so controversial, he was confronted about it in an interview that was spectacularly awesome.


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[Assistant] Made of you and your friend is childish. That's because Berlusconi is nothing if he is not a gigantic child. He even had a remote controlled volcano built at his house.


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[Assistant] Featuring everything from fire to artificial earth tremors. This thing was apparently extremely realistic because at one point Berlusconi's neighbours were so alarmed by the belching flames they called the fire brigade.


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[Assistant] And I would love to show you a photo of it, but amazingly, we can't find one anywhere, which is insane. Because it's not like there aren't hundreds of ludicrous photos involving Berlusconi. Here is one of him receiving a rifle from Gaddafi. Here is one of him and Putin wearing matching furry hats.


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[Assistant] about Berlusconi's comeback. His Italy was done with him. He left office after he was finally convicted of tax fraud, and his conviction in 2013 included banning him from serving in public office for six years. And I know what you may be thinking now.


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[Assistant] So Berlusconi is still banned, and yet he's been going on a charm offensive with videos online of him either snuggling adorably with a baby lamb, or, because it's Berlusconi, getting to second base with an inappropriately young sheep.


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[Assistant] And he's positioning himself as a kingmaker in this election, and may well end up having a key role in picking the next leader. And that is not good, because his alliance includes Matteo Salvini, the game show fascist from earlier, who could well get a high-powered position in the new administration. So really, what I'm saying is,


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[Assistant] You have to feel for Italy here, because the outcomes do not look good. There are a lot of bad options ranging from an awful prime minister to no outright winner plunging Italy into political limbo. But wait, because there's actually one more wild card here. Under Italian law,


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[Assistant] The governing coalition, whoever that is, could still pick a non-politician who's had nothing to do with this campaign so far. So it could be some random jackass that Italy has never heard of.


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[Assistant] We have ourselves an Air Bud scenario. Remember, the rules of basketball did not explicitly state that he couldn't play. Next thing you know, the dog's dunking. Well, I am that dog, Italy, so alley-oop motherfuckers.


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[Assistant] Vore dare la saluzione? FASTA FRIMAVERA


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[Assistant] No Jumper, coolest podcast in the world and today I'm in here in the studio with Ice Poseidon. How you doing man? I'm good, how you doing? Pretty good. This is your first like full length interview, huh?


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[Assistant] It is, yeaah, first podcast. Exciting, man. I'm, I'm very happy to have you in here. I'm a, a new entry, uh, into the Twitch world. So like you being a guy who's been very progressive and on the cutting edge of, uh, what's going on in the streaming world, I figured that it was necessary that we had a conversation.


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[Assistant] Okay, let's talk about this. So first off, let's talk about your early days and where you're coming from and everything. So you're from Florida?


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[Assistant] Okay, and so, what kind of kid were you, or what would you do before this whole streaming thing? What led up to this? Or even the runescape, I want to talk before the runescape too.


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[Assistant] So when you were a line cook at first load, did you have any kind of hobbies or you kind of just living like a real boring ass life just as a line cook not doing anything you wanted to do?


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[Assistant] Right. Oh, so you were always a gamer. That was like your main interest? Yep. Nice. Okay. So were you, was your overall feeling on life like, this sucks. Like I hate life. I have no idea what I want to do with myself. I have no direction at all.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and so then, so you started just messing around. So RuneScape, I don't know jack shit about RuneScape. What led you into that?


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[Assistant] Nice. So, you started to do well with that, and then, uh, did Pokemon Go come into play at some point in this?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Okay, so at what point, how long does it take after you start streaming RuneScape for you to start making like a significant amount of money on Twitch? Cause I'm kinda new to the whole monetization thing on there.


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[Assistant] Okay, and is it good money? Like did you start thinking about quitting your job right away or?


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[Assistant] So you went from absolutely jack shit, just getting started to making like what most people have to go to college to earn in a month, uh, not just go to college, but like get a really good job. You could be a doctor making eight, eight thousand bucks a month and it all just happened like instantaneously is what you're telling us. So it's that easy.


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[Assistant] Dead man mode. Can you try to explain what this is to an idiot like me who's never played RuneScape? And also can we hang out and play RuneScape sometime? Because I feel like I should try this out.


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[Assistant] I wanna know everything about what's going on in the internet subcultures, you know, so it's like, the idea that there are video games out there that I know nothing about kinda pains me.


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[Assistant] Interesting. Alright, I have no idea what you're talking about. I need to go watch some videos or something, man. Uhm, alright, so 8,000 bucks, so what, how are you feeling throughout this? Because I bet that that 700 bucks felt like it was a fucking boatload of money at the time when you're probably, what are you making as a line cook? Like 500 bucks a week or something?


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[Assistant] Okay, and so then all of a sudden you make 700 bucks just streaming and are you, are you starting to already feel like holy shit?


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[Assistant] Interesting. Okay, so that starts just going real good. You quit, and at the time this is still all RuneScape. At what point did you start to like, try other things?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that kind of like your concern early on? Was like, oh, like they might, cause I know that's probably the concern for a lot of the Pokemon Go YouTubers that I have friends with that I fuck with, is that like, at a certain point they don't know, like are kids only watching this for Pokemon or do they actually appreciate me at some point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you feel like, like you were just good at streaming from day one? Did you always have a knack for it, you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love seeing that happen to people like Nick from Trainer Tips, who's my fucking Pokemon Go BFF.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He like, I saw him go from being such a fucking nerd when he started out doing his channel to now being like way confident on camera and even the way he talks to people. It seems like he just got, like I like it when I see somebody who makes a lot of online content and then you can sort of see the effect that it has on their personality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, totally. Why, do you feel like you've just, this has been a wild ride that's made you fuckin' have to grow up like crazy because you've just been taught so many goddamn lessons?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's like the average person, a lot of times you hang out with somebody. I see it all the time where I hang out with somebody that's just not used to being around people, they're young and they're just saying super offensive shit, they don't know how to act around people, and it's like with you, you just have this giant...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking magnifying glass over your actions every day because people just see everything you're doing, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Totally. Cause I was reading this Rolling Stone article about you and sort of the whole premise of the whole thing is that you're this insanely offensive and, uh, like, not, not terrible person, but that basically they try to make it out like that's the whole basis of your channel is how offensive you are. And I'm like, man, I never really got that whole vibe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like the whole talking to girls thing on stream is like a big controversial thing in terms of like, that's weird because it's like walking up to a girl and talking around the street is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every guy has had to do it at a certain point in their life, but then when people actually see it on camera,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of times they just seem like horrified, like how dare you just go bother somebody. It's like the world is too PC for a guy to just talk to a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So have you dealt with like a huge amount of that though in terms of just like people just acting like that's kind of your whole gig is to just, you know, be offensive to random women on the street?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and that's the weird thing online though is that those kind of people are able to make so much noise that it's like it doesn't really matter if their opinions are super popular or not when they are offended by something because they're so good at amplifying that message out there to so many people that you end up feeling like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've offended a ton of people, but then there's a lot of people who are willing to like latch onto it. Like if there was a little tiny viral clip of you doing something that's perceived as offensive, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are so ready to like, re-gather around that and be like, this is a terrible person even though I have just watched this 10 second clip of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel bad for him in a way. Same thing. It's just, I'm looking to the chat. He's looking to the chat. He's looking at you. He's looking at me. He's filming. He's having to make sure he doesn't get banned for something. It's just like, it seems like a whole lot to take in because it's a lot of times I think of it like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Streaming is almost like vlogging, but it's like the, the live version of vlogging and that the, the cool part is that then you don't have to go edit it, but it's, it's like you have to edit yourself while you're doing it. So there's this like constant sort of level of stress thinking about it instead of like, oh, you gotta go edit everything at the end of the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how'd you get into doing the IRL thing from doing the video game thing though? Pokemon Go. Okay, so that was it though, like you just decided I'm gonna start streaming this as soon as it came out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A month, god damn it bro, I'm still playing. What level are you on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah. Oh, okay, so that has nothing in common with the way I played it. I was fucking going hard, man. I watched one of my old vlogs from about a year ago, and it was straight up, like, we put in, like, a good solid, like, ten hours one day just stomping around playing that shit. I don't know, what the fuck we were thinking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so this was the time period where you still had to be playing a video game on Twitch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I didn't know about that until more recently, but I think it's cool that you don't have to fuckin' pretend to play some bullshit anymore. This is, this is a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it worked in terms of what, you getting more followers from that section?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Wow, that's very interesting. That's very tricky. How many followers did you get up to on Twitch at one point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how does that end up getting that many viewers though? Do you think that everybody's just talking about it and spreading it around? Is that like, what's the main factor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, does it feel like, and have you always felt like, that you have a love affair with someone who doesn't really want you? When it comes to Twitch, because they just ban you over and over, and you just want to be yourself, you just want to be able to do whatever you do, and then they're just like, no, you can't be yourself, you have to be terrified of every little thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's kind of amazing that people in the Twitch community even have just accepted that if somebody else says the N-word in your chat, that then you are held accountable. Like, I don't understand this world that we live in, in which we are, as a creator, you have to be held accountable for that. That just seems like an insane rule to start off with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So isn't that bizarre? It's like Twitch is basically creating a system that encourages people to do this, to encourage people to like, false flag content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feels like that's like the culture of Twitch is like edgy ass motherfuckers who just really want to like start some shit up. It's like a bunch of trolls and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so do you have to have like a whole bunch of mods that like, keep track of like, booting people out for fucking doing stupid shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My chat was AIDS last night. We had like 600 viewers and it was terrible. It was like the worst. Amplify that by 20.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But can't you like, when it comes to like n-words in the chat and stuff, can't you just block the n-word, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? And then you can still get blocked once people have come up with a creative way to spell it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From a word that I would think that most people would be pretty happy to just not say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least in the non-black portion of the community, Jesus Christ. That's so crazy. So, alright, but money-wise, you're like ranting raven about the $8,000 month saying that that was so awesome to you at that time. If you had a $8,000 month from streaming right now, how would you feel? Would that be a huge step backwards from what you're doing right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Surprising, a lot of people are gonna think I'm crazy for saying that, but like, especially when you're out on the go traveling around doing stuff like you're talking about all the time, like I could completely, and there's a lot of costs probably that are associated with, with running a Twitch stream or a YouTube stream now all the time, like, that just add up that people probably don't think about, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, and so you do a ton of experimentation with like your gear in general though, uh, I was reading that. So is that just a constant thing that you like to fuck with? Have you always been a gear guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cuz like two or three years from now there'll probably be cameras that are just perfect for streaming or vlogging or all the things that, the new things that people do with cameras but it's like, you still kinda just have to deal with the fact that there's nothing really ideal, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy. Wait, so when you're talking about the 20k a month, is that really consistent? Is most of that from like subscriptions and stuff that you can really count on, or is it a lot of donations that are sort of more love of the place?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. Yeah, just four hours, that's fucking tight. That's the kind of brand deal that you wish you had every day, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the maddening shit about the brand deal stuff is that I've gotten some like dope like 10k brand deal type stuff and it's like really cool but then you don't get another one for two or three months or some shit that sort of like spread out. I don't know, maybe you get more offers than I do but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, okay, what is an example of something that you think could have that big of an impact? Cause like, I've taken brand deals to do like little iPhone games that are like, you know, 60 seconds at the beginning of a vlog, and I was like, you know what, this is fucking harmless for my channel, nobody's really gonna give a fuck, it doesn't affect my fan base at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every two days for sure, but maybe like one time you could probably get away with it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, see the brand deal stuff for streaming type people is way, way different. So, what attracts you to streaming over vlogging, just for example? Because they seem like they have many similarities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what's interesting that a lot of times when I'm making a vlog or whatever, even a podcast is like, I'm thinking a big part of what I enjoy about it is not just the fact that I'm having the conversation or the fact that, you know, you're gonna make money from the content or whatever. The big part of that I enjoy is like getting to go, go read like fucking a couple thousand comments after the fact. But it's funny that to you, you're so like jaded to the, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Constant flow of information that you're like, no, I need that on the spot while I'm making the content. I need to know what these motherfuckers think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting because I probably would not really understand the effect that you're talking about if I hadn't been streaming for the past couple months because like that's the thing that makes me stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning fucking streaming on this shit is just 100% the fact that it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, there's still fucking 800 people in here and they're still fucking talking about what I'm doing and I'm still getting donations here and there. So it's like, I might as well just fucking keep going on that. And there's just something about it where it's like, you do start to have that feeling like, oh, I'm in this together with these fucking fans and I, I don't want to let them down because we're all sort of, if I, if I wrap this up at 1230 and then what the fuck are they going to do till, you know, two or three when they want to go to bed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what kind of uh, schedule do you force yourself to keep these days in terms of streaming? Or do you even, do you bother to like have any discipline about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. Okay, and so then what, you just stay out as late as possible or until it feels right or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's interesting to me because I feel like I sort of dread, like I go long long periods of time without looking at the chat stuff because I sort of don't want to be basing what I'm doing on what my fans think. Like when it comes to vlogging thing, like I feel like I kind of know what I would have to do if I wanted to get like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a lot more views on my vlogs. Like, I could, I could kind of think of like what I could tailor my life to be all about. I would probably have to go hang out with a lot of rappers and porn stars and stuff to be honest. I would have to just constantly force myself into those situations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To get good thumbnails. And I'd have to just care about thumbnails a lot more in general. But I'm just kinda, when it comes to vlogging, I'm just sorta like doing whatever I feel like. And I'm not really concerned about like what the fuck the viewers think so much. You know, I do things like for them. But yea, I don't know. Do you ever feel like you're sorta like being directed by them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So let's talk about when you got banned. Was this, cause you've been banned like a bunch of times, but then did you know that this was the final one, like pretty much when it happened when you got banned for this incident where you got swatted on the plane?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you see the, uh, getting banned thing doesn't change the subscriber money coming in. Right. That's nice to know. I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That almost seems kind of ridiculous to be honest. Like, oh, you fucked up, but you're still getting paid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so you did nothing, given that you couldn't stream? Uhm, well- You just were chilling, you just didn't want to do anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So can I, I can't get partnered with Twitch because of the fact that I also stream on YouTube live. You have to pick one or the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting, wow, that's really interesting. So that means that I might not be able to have a sub box or the donation box, like, unless I partner? You can't get those things unless you partner with them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You start to feel like maybe you just got tricked into like consulting with me about my Twitch career right now, cause I'm basically like asking for advice at this point, I just realized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Giving you a good insight. I'm just so new to the whole thing. I'm like trying to like really learn my, the lay of the land and stuff, you know? Yeaah. I mean, how long have you been streaming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been doing YouTube live and now all of a sudden I'm on Twitch. I've done like one and a half streams on Twitch and on YouTube I did it maybe, you know, over the course of like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two months, maybe I did it like ten nights or something like that in total, but I'm really like, I was having a great time on YouTube Live, now all of a sudden I have to get used to Twitch and everybody's acting like they're so scared that I'm gonna get banned because I'm watching rap videos and stuff and there's just random stuff in the videos, there's girls and they kinda got bikinis on, people are terrified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, see at first somebody was in the comments like, you can't have guns. I'm like, okay, well if I can't have rap videos with guns in it, then this whole thing's a wrap. Because I'm just, there's no, rap videos have guns in them, that's just how it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On YouTube Live versus uh, Twitch? No, I'm brand new to Twitch. I just feel like I've sort of been getting the hang of Twitch. It seems like a different crowd in the comments a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm definitely getting like less than half as many viewers on Twitch, so that's the main thing that I'm really just concerned with. You know, it's like, it's tough to go from that feeling of feeling like you're X level popular and then going to negative X level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, you, let's talk, I wanna talk about what it was like for you making a social YouTube, but let's talk about that band in particular when you, so you, you did the 45 days, you're bored as fuck, trying to find yourself, you didn't think of, oh, so you couldn't do YouTube live during that, that makes sense, and then you, you get back on it, and how long were you back from that band before you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you very cautious though? Were you thinking about it? Like, oh, this is definitely something where there's an opportunity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you didn't know it was for the swatting thing? Even though the swatting thing had just happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's what's so crazy about it. To me, it's like, I can't imagine worse PR for Twitch than banning


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, who is like objectively one of the biggest people on it, someone who clearly cares about it more than anyone. It would be like taking like your star employee


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy who you're really not even paying, you're just taking a percentage of the money that he's earning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you're just going to fire him because of something that happened that was really almost 100% out of your control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, uhm. I feel like we're in like Saudi Arabia sometimes when we talk about these streaming platforms because there's these punishments. It's like honor killings and shit where like women get killed for like, they get raped and then they get the death penalty for it. That's what happened to you. You got raped and then you got the death penalty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you had a lot of bad things that were sort of happening, even though like the suicide, that's like a hundred percent that wasn't your fault, right? Right. That sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just sort of bad luck. Like I've been riding my bike and being out in public and shit all the time for like so fucking long. I've never seen a suicide, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the weird thing is that like, you, if something happens, it's like, for me, like I've seen people get shot and stuff, but it's like, I'm not filming myself. So it's like, I don't have any evidence of it, but if I had, if I had been filming myself and that happened, it would have been probably on drama alert and all this other bad PR bullshit that Twitch cares about, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That other people could commit crimes against your well-being and that then it would affect you. It just seems so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, group that they've created, like when I get 95% of my YouTube revenue slash, it's like, okay, well, what can I do about it? I can't go tell the cops. I can't file a lawsuit. It's like now we realize it's like, this is kind of the problem with allowing Google to basically be fucking judge, jury and executioner, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when you found out you got banned, how upset were you? How'd you feel? Cause it's like all those, all the followers, the subscribers, it's just a straight up like, oh, here are all this money you thought you were going to make to afford your life for the next year? No, gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you don't think you could go be a manager at a Chipotle now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that would be weird. Like any, anything that you would want to do after your, after this with your life, it's like, it's kind of like you did porn for a while. I'm going to have to like do some explaining. Yeah. Yeah, man. So strange. Okay. So then, but did you know right away? Like, okay, I'm going to have to fucking do YouTube live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you'd start to think of yourself as almost like not being separable from the fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a weird thing that like, you start to believe that that's really a judgment or a measure of who you are as a person over time, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But YouTube Live is kinda limited in terms of like, uh, making money from it, right? There's no, there's no, uh, subscriptions and stuff, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do I not know about this? What the fuck? I'm on that shit. Nobody told me about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's great. That's so cool. Damn, I'm so- hearing you say that, and you having kind of seen the top of the mountain in terms of Twitch, you were saying like, yo, YouTube Live actually is better, that really makes me feel a lot better about the fact that I've kind of clearly doubled down on YouTube Live and have been going full steam ahead with that until I got banned the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's a really cool idea actually, yeaah, and I guess that is the main thing like, when you're on Twitch and you're streaming live, that is the main benefit in terms of new followers and stuff is that people are looking through the different sections and just sort of, it's like anytime you're on it, you're promoting yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then on YouTube that's not really the case because there's no good discovery method, you're right. I never really thought about it like that. That is a big thing that's holding it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Oh, you mean subscribers, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's sick. Cause your channel's a lot smaller than mine technically right now and that's way more than I'm getting. So that's really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that, but then there's also the fact that like if you have a really big channel, then you have like more opportunities to get more new people seeing you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool though. So wait, so Twitch does have some benefits over YouTube live, but that's really cool. I'm glad that, so you, you feel like with the content, you're pretty safe. Like you can be out, you could stream your day to day life and then you're not going to have to worry about getting banned for something that's not your fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because YouTube is used to so much shit. They're used to having all these actual videos, you know, like I got banned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For basically showing a vagina by accident because it was somebody's SoundCloud art for the record. So this to me, it's like, I get it. It totally makes sense that I got banned for that even though I feel like, you know, they're probably gonna have to let it go like pretty quickly. But I mean, it makes sense. Vagina, I get it. Vaginas are not allowed on streaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makes sense. But you know, some of the crazier things that you've gotten banned from are the sort of things that have really sort of worried me about, you know, what's going on in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just like the policies and stuff. I just feel like it's just way too strict and it seems crazy to me, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you, would you say you've just gotten like a complete and total flood of pussy from this whole streaming thing? Has it just been great?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, does it happen on the livestream ever that you just end up randomly going back to a girl's house and fucking her?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Damn, you have your Snapchat messages open. That's brave. I like Munchfuck forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's nice. But so I understand, is it true, like basically in the Rolling Stone article, which I have, do you feel like that was overall kind of unfair?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're making you sound like you're like fucking Rush Limbaugh or something. Like you're like this right wing, like conservative asshole who's like a shock jock or something in that article kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very true. But then on the other side of it, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. It just seems like the more and more popular you get, the more and more you're gonna have to worry about, like, you say something kind of rude to somebody on the street, boom, you got articles about you, you're a piece of shit, blah, blah, blah. Like, you know, one day Jake Paul is kind of like a regular guy, and then all of a sudden Jake Paul's super famous, and every little fucking thing he ever did, he made a little joke about the fucking Muslim guy blowing up the building or whatever. It wasn't like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't anything that would've really stood out to me that much at all, but all of a sudden he's famous enough that that's on every fucking Twitter account, blah blah blah, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Islamophobia hasn't really been a part of Jay Paul's brand up until that clip came out. That's when it sort of, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very, that's a very good point. Very, very fair. Uhm, so are you kind of like obsessed with the idea of like experimenting with the stream format? Because I noticed that recently you, you did that fucking pain olympics shit, which I thought was pretty interesting. You did the sleep stream, which I'm actually, I thought I'm honestly thinking about doing that myself. Is that considered biting the sleep stream thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I was thinking that maybe I would just honestly take like a Xanax so I'd just be passed the fuck out and so it'd be really hard to wake me up and then maybe I could have like my girlfriend and she stays up all night drinking Red Bull and she operates the chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, they're blasting me with these songs and stuff, and then she could be the person sort of keeping an eye on it, and then I would just be fucked up. And that's the whole funny thing about it, is like, haha, you can't wake me up, I'm totally fucking slumped up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once I'm back on YouTube a lot then no problem, I could do the sleep stream thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So were you just waking the fuck up from everything? Was it just like completely, uh, every single song would wake you up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, was this a terrible experience? Were you like completely hating it and shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the same time you're like, a hundred bucks, a hundred bucks. So it's like, you know, you could, if you woke me up, if I'm sleeping right here and you kept waking me up and handing me a hundred bucks, every time I woke up, I'd be a little mad that I was getting woken up and I'd see a hundred bucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna be honest, I did a little better than that previously, cause what I do is I play people's music videos and soundcloud links and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of crazy. That's why I didn't know what I was getting into when I started doing this shit because I thought...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Livestream would basically be like, we go on for four or five hours and we do this, we just talk, you know? And then like, but then I thought, you know, oh, if people want to donate, you know, maybe if they donate 20 bucks, I'll play their song. And then that quickly turned into, you know, the entire time you're on here for eight hours straight, you're playing fucking people's songs the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's, you know what it is too, it's a way for them to donate, like, in a way, like they just kinda wanna help you out, but then also they get to get some internet clout from it, they get to get some people to see in their songs, and sometimes it actually works out for them, like, I've had, I've seen people whose songs actually got kinda popular from it because they just have, you know, maybe a thousand people see it, start fucking with it, and like, you know, it kinda works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never disliked a fan's video, even the fucked up ones with like the white kid saying the n word and stuff, I never bothered to click down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much would you want to, if you were just streaming, like sitting at your computer and you had to watch a three minute music video, how much do you think would be fair for your time in that situation?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really interesting. I never get that kind of stuff. I never get like really stupid stuff. I always get kids who are like their music videos that they actually worked on and stuff. Although a lot of times it's really funny because it's little white kids that like made like a joke rap song and they just are, they think it's the funniest thing on earth. And I'm just amazed by how many kids there are who have like a joke rap song that they made one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll do like 20 or 30 bucks per song, but one time we did 50. That was the one night that we made a lot of money. It was the fucking 50 bucks, because you know what it was? I had a guy from one of the major labels with me, and I put that in the description. I wrote, this guy works at Blank Record Label, and then he, as soon as he showed up, was like, you can't have it in there, I can't advertise that. I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No problem. But I think that the kids realize that they're, and so they start to think like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy could sign me, even though that probably obviously is pretty unlikely to happen, but I think that just made everybody go crazy. So that's why I kind of realized that if I really wanted to like go hard with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why as soon as they fucking banned me, I was just, I felt like I got fucking shot in the leg, dude. I was like, god damn it, this is really looking really good for a while, now you guys are just gonna do this to me, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I get unbanned, yeaah. My goal is to be on Twitch and YouTube Live at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why I think I'm not gonna partner with Twitch even though I think I filled out the application earlier today. I might have to like undo it or something, I don't know. But uh, you know, it would be cool, if I had to be exclusive to Twitch then of course I wouldn't sign the contract, I'd only do both, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. I-I'm a big fan of YouTube. I-I, from the beginning, I was like, you know what, I think Twitch is cool, I think that there's something cool to say about the community or whatever, but at the end of the day, I don't know, YouTube, it's like I got 800,000 subscribers on there, like what the fuck am I gonna fucking go start new on Twitch for unless there's a really good reason, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird for you because the whole live streaming world is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone fucking Instagram lives now. And even though it's like yeaah, that's a specific app and it's different, it means that a lot more people are becoming familiar with the concept of live streaming. So like when I'm sitting here and doing this and I see people come in and they sort of like realize what's happening and especially when they look at the fucking donations lighting up and they're just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is this? I've never seen anything like it. And, but, and when I have to explain it, I'm like, think like Instagram-wide, but it's kinda like the more upgraded version of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But think about when it gets to the point that Instagram Live either has like the donation option and monetization option or something like that. Like once it's that smooth and easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, if it was, if going on Instagram Live and getting donations was as easy, or, uh, or doing that on Twitch or whatever, like, if it was, everything was as easy, I feel like with Twitch there's always gonna be the setup thing, or even YouTube Live, like a little bit of a, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overwhelming thing, or especially to have like a professional gaming set or like a set up like this where it's actually like lit up and like good mics and stuff. It's like, it's kind of overwhelming for people to get into that position, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, so yeah, you're always like kinda pushing the limits. What about the pain Olympics thing that you did where you just what, you just invite a bunch of people and you just torture them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that seems so irresponsible. I would think that you'd need to get like a permit or something to have this. And then, but then you just start torturing everybody in public on camera?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what were the worst torches that you were doing? You were shooting them with paintball guns and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like the paintball gun in particular, like I just feel like you can't shoot a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but homeless people don't have paintball guns, so I would think it would be kind of new territory.