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[Assistant] Really, it was like an offense that's supposed to be very good, did nothing. And that was after Nick Bosa got hurt. The Niners best defensive player, uh, suspect Niners secondary, and Dak Prescott with all these weapons could do it.


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[Assistant] You're about to hit 7000 live viewers, what we're talking about next.


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[Assistant] No, but if you use your DraftKings Sportsbook app on your phone, we'll st- That ol' Chuck E. Cheese!


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[Assistant] The place you go to have something.


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[Assistant] Okay, check it out, DraftKings. They know about playoffs right here. And with Super Bowl 56 coming at our dumb faces, new customers can bet.


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[Assistant] Five dollars with fifty-six to one odds. And if the team you bet on wins...


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[Assistant] It's right next to Salty Magruder. There it is. Salty Magruder. Scooter, who are you, who are you betting on, who would you bet on this weekend, Scooter?


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[Assistant] Bet on the Bengals. All right, Joe. Bet on not the Bengals, everybody. Bet on the Titans, because every time Scooter bets, it goes bad. That is our luck of the week. And if you win, you thank Scooter for that. All right? Code clickbait if you don't got the legal gambling in your state.


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[Assistant] Check out DraftKings' fantasy app, where they'll make all your fantasies come true with DAILY fantasy.


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[Assistant] Are you going out on a limb Adam and saying that Patrick Mahomes is better than Mac Jones? Is that what I'm hearing?


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[Assistant] He can be happy for him. So the weirder Aaron Rodgers gets, the more I like him. That's fair. What does that say?


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[Assistant] Man, I feel like the Titans are the most sus number one seed we've had in a long time.


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[Assistant] But they're gonna get Derek Henry back. I just don't know how effective he's gonna be as he comes back. I believe in the king. I really do. The return of the king. The same week the Lord of the Rings trailer drops just seems like they got luck on their side.


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[Assistant] Now, here's the problem for the Kansas City Chiefs. Nobody thinks they're sus. But just this week, their linebacker, Willie Gay Jr., arrested.


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[Assistant] Arrested for getting in an argument with his child's mother.


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[Assistant] Former Broncos quarterback Chad Kelly gets arrested after a Halloween party when he's chased out of somebody's home with a vacuum. A vacuum cleaner chased Chad Kelly out of his home. And what happened to the Broncos after that?


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[Assistant] You know the story, never been the same. And I fear old Kansas City just cursed themselves with the one of the strongest curses in all sports. Yeah, the Dyson.


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[Assistant] You know where Baker should go? He should go to Tampa Bay.


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[Assistant] Oh rams, they're gonna smack the bucks in their pretty little mouths.


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[Assistant] It's the bills and they are going to expose a chief secondary that is overrated.


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[Assistant] The Bills secondary, the Bills defense can actually slow down the Chiefs offense, and I don't think the Chiefs defense can do that to Buffalo.


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[Assistant] The Packers are gonna win, unless the 49ers come out and start Tray Lance.


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[Assistant] They bring out Trey Lance. They do their 40 plus rushing attempts with a quarterback who can run the ball a la Colin Kaepernick. Vintage 49ers.


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[Assistant] I think there's a, I think they gotta just come out and surprise the hell out of the backers. Like, we gotta believe Jimmy G's starting and then before the game, boom, it's Tray Lance time and everybody's like,


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[Assistant] Because if they don't do that, they stand no chance against Aaron Rodgers. Not a frickin' chance.


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[Assistant] I said nine pick all season for the Niners, like, they're bad at picking off the ball. Like, they don't get opportunities from their defense, so.


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[Assistant] I am safe at a $51.60 total for the day. Thank you guys very much.


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[Assistant] Uh, I put up my playoff prediction episode before this show started, so go check that out.


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[Assistant] I was sick. And now I feel even worse today, so. That was a smart call.


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[Assistant] Nothin'. Just, uh, ready to talk some football with you fellas.


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[Assistant] Dear God, he is, uh, I think Tree and I said the exact same thing about 2-0 without knowing it, but he is getting the Josh Rosen treatment so hard right now.


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[Assistant] See, I think the only way rookies actually learn is when they're on the field playing.


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[Assistant] But I think the balance there is what they can learn if there's a good vet on the team is how to do all of the things behind the scenes. Dear God.


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[Assistant] Segue, segue, segue into selling our souls to DraftKings. Use the code CLICKFATE, CLICKFATE SPORTS. When you sign up over at our favorite sports book on earth, DraftKings. Yeaah, that's a legal disclaimer. Legally, we have to put that on the screen.


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[Assistant] Or YouTube will send out Hitmen to take care of us. So right now Draft Kings is giving all new players a deposit bonus of


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[Assistant] When I bet on the Texans, I lost. And DraftKings was like, we need people to bet on the Texans again. Do you guys want to come back? And we said, yes. So download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. Use code clickbait. All new customers get that deposit bonus.


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[Assistant] And if you haven't tried DraftKings, they're giving new customers $200 in free bets instantly! A-bunny-dee-chay! A-bunny-dee-chay! As my uncle always used to say, DraftKings, don't make fun of bunny-dee-chay. Link, link in the description, code clickbait. That was awesome, Grant.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I went to the Broncos Raiders game, I watched the Raiders beat the ever-living P out of the Broncos, but beforehand...


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[Assistant] I went with the game day to the tailgate and, uh, we just shot a bunch of random stuff, but there's like a, the Bronco Stadium has this tribute to the old mile high, which is like a little thing they built and that was,


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[Assistant] They had like a chef back there and all this stuff, but then we saw Breckenridge Brewery had this weird beer game you had to play and like, will you play that and, you know, see if you can get some beer on your face? And I was like, yeah.


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[Assistant] And then after the beard dried on my face, I was like, this was a bad idea because then my face just smelled like a bar floor for the rest of the game. I couldn't find anything to wipe it off and, uh.


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[Assistant] Brandon Sperma. There you go. I'm a fancy guy. Dude, there's some more name, man. Brandon Sperma. Here's a real question because you brought up Steve Belichick. Who's gonna look more horrifying? Steve Belichick in his normal haircut or me with a perm?


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[Assistant] Oh yea, Malik Jackson, former Denver Bronco flag there.


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[Assistant] It was like the rookie QB, the least amount of teams wanted to take early.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, here's what's sad for me, it's, uh, like the mother of his child when he left her.


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[Assistant] Right now, Patrick Mahomes is doing the same thing to my poor broncas. He has yet to lose to them.


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[Assistant] And it was incredibly fun watching your quarterback just destroy the rest of your own division.


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[Assistant] And now, being on the opposite end of that, I sympathize with Bears fans and the point Tom's making is like,


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[Assistant] We're running out of excuses and things to say to Chiefs fans who are talking trash to us about Mahomes always beating the Broncos.


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[Assistant] Because they've yet to give us any sort of fodder to fight back with.


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[Assistant] The minute, the minute he was threatened by them. Yeah, Mark Sanchez and Rex Ryan.


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[Assistant] Dude, the NFL could make so much money if they, uh, provided a stream of all the games where


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[Assistant] There's a reason to root for the cowboys. Jack Prescott.


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[Assistant] Trying to way, raise awareness, uh, about mental health issues. The guy has been through a lot. And, uh,


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[Assistant] When you try to put aside your hate for teams because of the laundry they're wearing, as, uh, well the... Seinfeld. Seinfeld used to say.


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[Assistant] Dax, a guy like I can, like I have to root for him. Like every time I see something about him, that's like an off field like article about what he's doing. I'm just like, that's a good dude, man. He's like Russell Wilson.


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[Assistant] They just didn't think it through clearly.


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[Assistant] And I get like they were put there, uh, and, you know, I titled Monday's video should the NFL ban, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] He's probably like, I've got, uh, I've got about 37 Redskin hoodies, but just this, uh, one Washington football thing to wear. So this is what I have to wear. All my, I kept all the old, uh, Redskin logo stuff, but that's it. Isn't that


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[Assistant] I really think it's going to be a dead heat. I think the Jags are going to win another game. I think it's going to be a dead heat between the Dolphins, the Jets, and the Lions.


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[Assistant] The... Giants. Atom. Just for that BS you're throwing my way.


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[Assistant] First of all, your team can't stay healthy. As soon as Saquon Barkley recovers from his


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[Assistant] Outside of Lamar Jackson and Sam Darnold, he's the best dual threat quarterback in the NFL and your stupid offensive coordinator Jason Garrett doesn't even know how to use him. Oh, you're shaking your head like I'm crazy? Who has the fastest run speed clocked by any QB in the league? Daniel Jones.


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[Assistant] Uh, also the guy who broke his leg in half, I hope he is recovering healthy, but he does not deserve the giants.


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[Assistant] And, uh, you'll be left with Kedarius Tony and a bunch of Houston Texans leftovers next season. That would have been nice, but you taunted me. That's why the Giants are the worst.


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[Assistant] Dude, Dave is so good, like he is. It's so brilliant. Look at the fingers.


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[Assistant] He does drawings for the losers of, he likes, like picks like five games. He's like, if this team loses, I'll draw this or, or whatever. And then he always delivers really, really funny stuff. I actually, um,


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[Assistant] And Dawson Knox, very curly hair, so maybe I'll have a little side by side comparison, uh, when this happens.


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[Assistant] These are two high flying offenses that nobody can slow down. Teddy Bridgewater just throws tugs. Uh, this game...


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[Assistant] I picked the Browns to win because I picked the Broncos to win every single game this year and I'm losing out of justifiable reasons to believe they can win. Teddy Bridgewater's starting, but he's also hurt. He hurt his foot in the last game and then he hurt his quad this week. He's still gonna go. That scares me a little bit.


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[Assistant] Even without JOK, they still got Miles Garrett and Jadavian Clowney. I don't trust the protection around Teddy. Uh, even if the run game's working, Pat Shermer's not gonna stick to it because he's...


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[Assistant] The worst offensive play caller in NFL history. And, uh, it just feels like Case Ketem. He's got a revenge game against the Broncos. Uh, there is one bit of hope.


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[Assistant] Former Denver Bronco and star of Colorado, Andy Janovich is not playing.


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[Assistant] If he were playing, there would be no hope, because the dude is a beast, he's a stud, and uh, Jano?


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[Assistant] Jano, get healthy soon, my friend. We still root for you here in Colorado because you're a legend.


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[Assistant] Now I picked him to win, uh, basically my entire professional existence is on the line this, uh, this week for the Broncos. And if they lose, they just don't care about my livelihood, so.


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[Assistant] Tom Grassi over here. How you doing, Tom? Doing alright, thank you. Hello. Hi. Scooter, what are you wearing?


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[Assistant] He is a walking disaster. What is, I mean this is, this is, yeaah.


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[Assistant] He is the gift that keeps on giving because he is just putting clicks in front of all of our channels by being


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[Assistant] The person that he is. Can I get that?


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[Assistant] Insincere apology from you, Brandon, and I wanna get your thoughts on what this is. Can you explain the viral video?


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[Assistant] Who was babysitting while he was out getting drunk. Like does this guy not care at all about his team? Like his family? Like what? What?


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[Assistant] I mean that's something her and Irv have going on. She is like the most, uh, she's like got Stockholm syndrome or something. She has stood by her man. She even helped him fake one of those heart attacks. She was on tape.


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[Assistant] And saying, herb, herb, you know, like, she's, she's party to this.


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[Assistant] I would think a more apt comparison would be Bobby Petrino, who last night, by the way, I learned, so I was on with Uche and Justin, uh, Blaylock, who played for the Falcons his rookie year when Petrino was there. Uh, he said that they learned that Petrino quit.


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[Assistant] By a type letter in their locker.


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[Assistant] I would say week 10 for Urban would be the over under. He is garbage. Now, I want to ask you this scooter as a


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[Assistant] Devout and dedicated Florida


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[Assistant] Gator fan, Urb delivered you a national championship. He did.


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[Assistant] What, how do you think about that man when he brought your team to the promised land?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I think for me as an Auburn fan, we had to put up with Gene Chizik for that and Scam Newton, which I think any college football fan, especially an SEC fan, would take that in a heartbeat. A championship for 10 years of soccer? Yeaah, we're there. We're there. That's about it. That's about it. Alright, one thing I want to talk about is the cycle. Oh, okay, here we go.


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[Assistant] Brandon, talk about this cycle of Urban Meyer and how this repeats itself. Just take us through this. This is from corkbass.com.


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[Assistant] Yes. All I want to know is, Scooter, do you have a clip of you actually saying that you wanted Urban as the Cowboys head coach?


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[Assistant] Clip of Urban saying playing every week is like Alabama or play.


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[Assistant] I don't think anybody in the NFL who thinks that playing another opponent is like playing a college opponent, no one says that. No one in the NFL would ever say that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, I mean, you've ever, if you've ever played Madden and just like you've been angry at an opponent and just completely do like false starts or, or, uh, bitch stuff, like, people are petty. People are petty. Brandon, are you gonna do the bookie the bear segment here? Or are we gonna- I love how you segue into these, Adam.


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[Assistant] These are the people that have been caught by the horny police at some time in their life. We've got, uh, you know, of course, Urban Meyer.


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[Assistant] Uh, and we'll go through each one as we go. So let me call it out. Uh, Tom Grassi. Oh, I already feel dirty in this segment. I guess, no, no, no, if I put me in prevent, no.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I guess, I guess you'll have to run down what this person did. So Tom, you get Urban Meyer. Is he in the hole or out of the hole?


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[Assistant] Alright, Tom, is he arrested by the horny police or is he getting off?


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[Assistant] And, uh, he was hitting a lot more home runs than we thought about. And Bartolo Colon is a pitcher with one career home run, by the way, which he just efforted out of the park. It was a thing of beauty. Actually, you know what?


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[Assistant] Who'd want two wives? Alright, put him out. Put him out of this. He's slick right there. Tree, take Big Ben.


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[Assistant] Excellent. Uh, Tom Brady's number one fan, Brandon. Take Tom for having a child. Well, you know the story.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and he's never been accused of anything, uh, extramarital.


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[Assistant] I think Big Ben could save his career if he actually lined up on the line and put his body in place.


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[Assistant] Okay, okay. Speaking of offenses and rankings.


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[Assistant] Who has the best offense in the NFL right now?


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[Assistant] There are three teams ahead of the Dallas Cowboys in terms of points per game. And the numerically number one is actually Arizona Cardinal. Now I will say this, Dak is playing like an MVP.


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[Assistant] And as a Giants fan who has to go up against him, y'all gonna kick our ass. So I don't know. Do you want to stream the game on, on Sunday? Do you want, you want to think about it? Maybe I'll think, I'll think about it because I'll, I'll be coming back from the Florida game. Quick question. Is it a one o'clock?


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[Assistant] Uh, Scooter, very convincing case. Uh, the Cowboys look intimidating, but they're not the best offense. Look at what the Cardinals are doing. Kyler Murray.


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[Assistant] Yes, the Cowboys are so good that they cut Jalen Smith. Oh, is this the time?


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[Assistant] Speaking of a guy that has made a lot of interceptions, this was probably the bigger move that happened since last week was Stephon Gilmore, former defensive player of the year.


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[Assistant] Right? And then they re-redact the cut and then he's treated. It's like, it's like they put him, he's like a couch that they put on the side of the road. And Brandon, would you stop trying to hock your merch?


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[Assistant] I'm talking here, okay? Jeez!


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[Assistant] They push the couch out and then apparently someone, the Panthers come by and like, hey, you throwing that couch away? How about I give you a six round pick in two years instead of you throwing away that couch? How does that work?


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[Assistant] And they do it, and now they add a good piece to, uh, the Carolina Panthers, a team that really needed some defense against the Cowboys, which they saw obviously they need to add. What do you guys think about Stephon Gilmore and his potential as a player? Here's my question.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, free or best offer. I thought that the Panthers played 40 chess on that. They, they added a, a former defensive player of the year. They kept anyone in his division, especially, or their division, especially the Bucks from getting him, and they just made a smart move. Yeah, that's the key. They executed it.


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[Assistant] Uh, next segment, cause I'm really good with these segues. Who is the biggest surprise in the NFL this season right now? Uh, Tom, what would you say? Which team is the biggest surprise?


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[Assistant] Uh, my two, I actually, I have two because, you know, I get to talk at some point. Uh, mine are how good the Arizona Cardinals have been. They look like a Super Bowl contender. They're the last undefeated team.


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[Assistant] And as equally as good as they have been, how bad Ben Roethlisberger has been. I did not expect him to be this good.


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[Assistant] I did not know he was gonna be this bad. He is washed. He is dumb.


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[Assistant] He's been washed dude. I've been saying I've wanted him out for years. Uh huh.


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[Assistant] Seattle Seahawks, the line is only minus two. The Rams are favored by two.


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[Assistant] The money line is minus 10 on the rams, or actually minus 135 on the rams, plus 115 on the Seahawks. To me, this is a pick up game. The over under is 53.5. I'm taking the under. I'm taking the rams at minus 2.


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[Assistant] And that's what I'm doing. You could parlay all three of those into the parlay of dreams. Brandon, who you taking tonight?


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[Assistant] Uh, I think I've actually got a sneaky, awful one that someone might veto. Let's uh, add it up. Let's go around. Scooter, do you remember how to access? Yes, I remember how to access.


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[Assistant] You have to do the Applebee's date night dance.


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[Assistant] You guys are not following me? Who watches commercials? Okay, you don't know about how awful that commercial is? It's date night, Applebee's at a date night, or some crap. Get this on screen please. Applebee's commercial.


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[Assistant] I see it now. Play it, play it. Yea, play it, Brandon. Bring it up so that, Tree, you have to recreate this dance to the song to Moria Waller's Applebee's On A Date Night.


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[Assistant] Everyone in the comments knows what this is. Fancy like, yes. No, you bring up, bring up the actual dance.


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[Assistant] You gotta do the dance, you gotta do the whole dance, choreograph it. Yup, so you gotta do the booty shake, all that tree.


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[Assistant] In Applebee's. We haven't done your song yet. In an Applebee's.


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[Assistant] I'm glad to be back. It's been two weeks. Two weeks since I've been on clickbait. I've missed you guys. Okay? I have missed you. I am glad to be back. I'm glad that we made it through the football season. Woo pro! This is crazy. We've done it. We're here. Five, what are we talking about today? What's on the agenda?


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[Assistant] I wasn't even gonna call him myself. I was gonna say, let's go straight to the man, the source, the Packers fan himself. He's always gonna call an audible.


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[Assistant] So I saw a report, I saw a report, help me, help me out with this, Tom. You tell me, because you know, I don't know if this is true or not. The report basically was saying that the Packers are so


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[Assistant] Down bad as it relates to the cap situation that one of the only ways that they can get out is if something happens with Aaron Rodgers. Is this true or false?


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[Assistant] Brandon, but what do you think is gonna happen though with Aaron Rodgers? You think he's gonna end up on the Broncos? Your team?


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[Assistant] So, Tom says Packers. Brandon, you're saying he's gonna stay with the Packers too and you just want it to end. Correct? Is that what we're going with?


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[Assistant] Is that on the agenda? You guys mind talking about that right now?


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[Assistant] In my opinion, this is what I was seeing on Twitter. Tom, help guide me. Let me know if this is like, off or not. All I saw was...


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[Assistant] The Packers are all in on getting Aaron Rodgers back. They're trying everything. They're pulling out all the stops. And then what I also saw was follow up.


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[Assistant] The Packers are just doing this so when Aaron Rodger leaves it makes it seem like they were trying their hardest.


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[Assistant] True or not? Is that, which side are you on? Are the Packers actually trying? Or are they just doing this for optics?


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[Assistant] So a lot of the times how the cowboys structure their deals is they front load a lot of their contracts. So you're getting paid immediately the big bucks and then it's like they are voiding, uh,


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[Assistant] The years down on the end and some, some of these contracts even have voidable contract years in them. So a lot of people are getting creative with how they're doing these types of deals now specifically for cap issues.


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[Assistant] I mean, since we're on free agents, should we all just go and talk about our team's free agency situation? I only bring this up because CDLam has been trending for the past two days on Twitter. Uh, the Cowboys cap situation, it's not the best.


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[Assistant] But it's not, we're not the Packers. Okay, so we have a lot of things that we can do. We can restructure Dax's contract. We can restructure Ezekiel Elliott's contract. Some of these other people's contracts. So the question then is, what are we gonna do?


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[Assistant] Michael Gallup. Do we bring Michael Gallup back? Amari Cooper is hitting for 20 million. What are we gonna do with Amari Cooper?


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[Assistant] So, a lot of Cowboys fans right now,


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[Assistant] Oh yes, I do say a report came out linking


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[Assistant] Kyler Murray said he wants to play with his friend, C.D. Lamb. Kyler Murray met with management at Arizona and he went up to them and he said, one of the things that I want, I want to play with my friend, C.D. Lamb.


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[Assistant] As a response to this, they said potentially they could offer DeAndre Hopkins. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh, what are y'all on about? Stop it! We are not trading C.D. Lamb for Deandre Hopkins!


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[Assistant] So it's like, we're gonna have to make a decision though. Do we bring back Michael Gallup?


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[Assistant] Right coming off an injury, he wants to get paid, he says he deserves it, and he's right. This man has been bawling for us. Or do we let go of a...


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[Assistant] Randy Gregory, right? He needs to get paid. Someone's gonna pay him. This man has had a great year.


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[Assistant] And then you got Dalton Schultz. So one of those people, we can't keep all three of those people. One of those people is gonna have to go. Is it Dalton Schultz? Randy Gregory? Uh, so.


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[Assistant] Brandon, what are the Broncos? What's the Bronco situation looking like though?


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[Assistant] Also, shouts out to Patrick Surtan. Listen, I said to the Cowboys, I wanted Patrick Surtan. You see why, Brandon. You see why I wanted to draft this man.


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[Assistant] Okay. No, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. While we're on Pat Mahomes. Okay.


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[Assistant] We have to discuss this, because I just saw this right before I got on here. I think, I think you're saying- You know what I'm talking about? I think I know. No!


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[Assistant] I saw Samacho. I like Sam, by the way.


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[Assistant] I saw this man's list of top five quarterbacks and you know who was not in it?


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[Assistant] Patrick Mahomes, let's discuss. Chat, let's discuss.


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[Assistant] No look. He put Matt Stauffer over Aaron Rodgers. Over Aaron...


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[Assistant] Joe Burrow over Super Bowl winning Patrick Mahomes. You have Super Bowl losing Joe Burrow.


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[Assistant] Let's talk about this Super Bowl. Okay, we're here. We watched this. Speaking of Matt Stafford, this man threw two interceptions in the Super Bowl. They didn't win because of Matt Stafford. They won in spite of Matt Stafford. What do we think about this Super Bowl?


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[Assistant] Rapid reaction. The Bengals lost this game.


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[Assistant] Uh, the Rams did not win the game. The Bengals lost this game. When did they lose it? When? When did they lose the game? It was a third down. Do y'all remember?


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[Assistant] Uh, to me, it was so fascinating, the two quarterbacks and the injury situations, right? Both of them go down, both of them stay in, and to me, it was a letdown of the highest order, because to me, we're watching this game, they're letting them play, they're letting them go back and forth,


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[Assistant] You get the met, you get the mist face mask on Ramsey.


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[Assistant] Which led to, in my opinion, a makeup call.


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[Assistant] Uhm, last question about this Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] Will the Bengals be back in the Super Bowl within 10 years? 10 years.


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[Assistant] The stars aligned perfectly and they were in the right place at the right time.


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[Assistant] I honestly, it's gonna be hard. You gotta get past my homes. You gotta get past that. They took them down though. You gotta get past the bills. The bills are gonna be a stalwart and I don't know. 10 years? I don't know. I think this was an interesting opportunity. I don't know. Chuck, let us know. What do you think? Scooter, what do you think?


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[Assistant] Before we move on though from this Super Bowl, it's only right that we talk about one of, if not the best,


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[Assistant] On the Superbowl, do we even care about the commercials? Five, you're looking depressed. What's that mean?


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[Assistant] You too. Yep. My gosh. Tom, what are we thinking? What are we thinking? You like that?


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[Assistant] I enjoyed it. I thought it was definitely a top 5. Definitely top 5, top 3. I was waiting for Cube. Some people said they were looking for the Tupac hologram. Overall though, I think it was one of the best since they switched to the performers have to pay for it.


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[Assistant] So I think since they made that switch, this has been one of the best ones.


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[Assistant] Got em. Okay, if you could have your, if you could have your pick, who's performing in the next Super Bowl? Let's go, rapid fire. Brandon, who's performing? You're picking. Who's in the lineup? Stop playing.


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[Assistant] You're answering last. 5. You're in control. Super Bowl. What are we, 53?


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[Assistant] Okay, no Travis Scott. Travis Scott is out. Okay. Yes.


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[Assistant] Who's coming to your halftime show, Tom?


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[Assistant] Uh, I love always, I used to watch religiously NFL drafts network coverage of the combine. Like I would just be on the, I don't know, I was just.


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[Assistant] Watching the 40 yard dash. I was literally watching grown men.


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[Assistant] Run the 40 yard dash and just say, oh, okay. Okay. Oh, that was a good one. That was a good one too. And then I was always fascinated on who ran the fastest every year and who could lift the most. So I would literally just be going on NFL.com and ranking.


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[Assistant] Like sorting everything. Oh, who was the fastest? Oh, John Ross this year. 424. 40. Who lived it the most? I don't know. I was a nerd.


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[Assistant] It's so interesting. And then when you see the big boys moving, cause I remember what I ran, right? I ran a 4-6-9. You ran a 4-6-9? 4-6-9. So I'm just thinking,


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[Assistant] They're chasing quarterbacks who I know are slower than me. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid for you. Uh, it's just so interesting. And especially like seeing how much the receivers can lift too. So interesting. Cause I can't lift as much as some of these people are doing.


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[Assistant] It's just so interesting too because like, sometimes the combines lie.


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[Assistant] Like literally sometimes these guys do terrible in the combine, but you look at their footage, you turn the footage on.


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[Assistant] Who cares what they do at the combine? I've seen you sauce multiple people in game time situations.


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[Assistant] The 40 yard draft tells you is which players are more likely to be drafted by the Oakland Raiders. Sorry, the fake raiders.


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[Assistant] I don't know my max, maybe like 255? I haven't maxed out in maybe like 3 years.


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[Assistant] So already I've seen Cowboys fans saying that if Schultz leaves, which he might, he might get a bag somewhere. He had a great season. He's had a couple of good seasons coupled. They want, uh, David and Joku to come. Uh, they think he'll, they'll be a lighter.


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[Assistant] He might be! He might be exactly what the Cowboy needs. So I'm interested to see something like that. Now knowing OJ Howard is out there, could be a replacement of Schultz Leaves. So, those are people I would target if I were Cowboy's management. Who are you guys looking at?


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[Assistant] I honestly think there will be an athlete that comes out one year, reaches the pinnacle, they've already got all their money,


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[Assistant] It might be someone who plays on the Detroit Lions again, but we'll see. I honestly think it's going to happen and it might be in football, but I think we'll see.


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[Assistant] Uh, listen, when I was 14 years old, I was on a reality show. Okay, that pro- this is true, that prompted-


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[Assistant] Literally, that is why I'm doing everything that I do. So if I wasn't a YouTuber, I feel like...


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[Assistant] I would still be in the industry doing something. I would either be acting, I would be doing stand up.


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[Assistant] I went to school for it. It's just, you see it? Look at that. Put it back up. What the heck? Look at this. This is on the Today Show.


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[Assistant] I have no beard, my lines a little bit messed up, but it doesn't matter. We're here. We're doing things. Okay. And we're going to continue doing things because I just love it. I had a traditional nine to five job and could not. What was your nine to five job? So when you don't get Teach for America,


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[Assistant] I hated it, did not like it one bit, and that is actually when I started making YouTube videos during that 10 months. And then at the conclusion...


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[Assistant] Full time YouTube and I've never looked back since. That was 10 years ago. So.


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[Assistant] Give me six months and I can last two quarters out there. Six months, two quarters. I can see it from you, Scooter.


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[Assistant] You got the long snapping on deck. I can see it right now. You got the build in your holder.


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[Assistant] As your punishment, you must spend time with your child and document it.


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[Assistant] But that's not like the iconic, that's not like the iconic draft stuff. Like I think of draft, I think of 40 yard dash, I think of vertical test, and I think of 225.


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[Assistant] Those two weeks were gone though. What can they expect on our channels? They're gonna not see us for two weeks. What can they expect on our channels? Let's just go up and around. Brandon, what's coming out on your channel? The next two weeks.


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[Assistant] We got the NBA trade, uh, deadline video dropping tonight. And then over the next five months, we're doing every team postseason conference.


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[Assistant] So prepare. Get ready. We're doing it. All 32. And then we're doing NBA. It's happening. Just like that.


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[Assistant] I mean, you're, you're gonna see Tom, you're gonna see all of these people in these various videos, uh, so cameos will be, will be had. So just prepare.


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[Assistant] Uh, did you have a problem with the last play that Baltimore ran?


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[Assistant] Where at the countdown again, you see? 2019, 18, 17, 16, 15. Counting down numbers, throw your hands in the air.


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[Assistant] Hello everybody. It is Thursday, September 1st and in less, less than seven days.


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[Assistant] And then bottom left, we have Brand- Brandon, why are you dressed like that?


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[Assistant] You have to do the entire show dressed like that. Hey, easy. I just got pregnant. Woah, woah, woah. There are children watching this, man. Come on. I know who's not watching.


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[Assistant] We also have another punishment. We have two punishments today. We have shakes a beer. Yes. Shakes a beer.


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[Assistant] Uh, even the Mr. Skull enjoys it. As you can see, I, I did the Homelander on him. I used the laser eyes and I really just give out nice little singes in there, let it heal up. Gave it a nice little gloss. Solid reference. A lot of my enemies with that too. It's, it's very good.


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[Assistant] Alright, well, so what we will do is we will do the insane predictions like, you know, who leads the league in INTs, you know, things like, you know, categories Daniel Jones will undoubtedly lead the league in. But without further ado, let's do the punishment.


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[Assistant] So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna move me down here so we can see your fantastic chest. Nobody cares about me! We're fine.


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[Assistant] Yes, let's go. Let's go. I just want to say something now that the spot is over, so that it's not actually part of the spot. DraftKings is offering the most that I've seen in FreeBets. There's another site out there.


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[Assistant] That is offering less. So why would you get less? It's always about more.


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[Assistant] I think they would have increased our compensation to be fair.


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[Assistant] I mean add some music, why not? I need to know the sensual sounds of Mr. Antonio Brown. Are you ready to do this Mr. Skull? Are you ready?


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[Assistant] He doubles down. I like this. Hey, all I need is my guitar. Hey, hey, all I need.


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[Assistant] All I need is my guitar. If you're just now tuning in. And we finally finished that. I apologize. Somebody finished.


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[Assistant] It was, it was, it, I don't know what happened.


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[Assistant] And just butchering it to absolute cuntly load. Like I just, I've always wanted my mom to perform that, but she's not, she doesn't sing.


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[Assistant] That was, uh, that was interesting. Uh, let's never do that again. That was the time.


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[Assistant] That was a time. This is what your money buys.


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[Assistant] I think he had like an ambition of a guitar, but then he buys it for five minutes and he's just like, eh, done with it. Maybe it's Jeff Jarrett style, he takes the guitar and just whacks people over the hip.


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[Assistant] What's the title of that song? So, I mean, I could say Violate My Guitar, I could say...


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[Assistant] Okay. Thank you, Kevin. Again, it looks like I'm getting punished into oblivions. Good. Alright, it is time. We are on the, because we are eight days away from the NFL season according to Tom and Brandon.


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[Assistant] I still wish you could have gotten Kirk Cousins so I could have seen you melt down even though Kirk Cousins isn't that bad of a quarterback. You're wearing a beret and a scarf. Do not talk.


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[Assistant] This upcoming season, 2022-2023, who is going to lead the league?


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[Assistant] No, no, no, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. We're gonna get to that!


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[Assistant] Before we get into that and the specifics, can we just go around and say what we think our teams are going to do this season? I thought that's what we're going to do next week.


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[Assistant] No. That's a good one. No way. I think it's gonna be famous, Jamus. Ooh. See, I would go with Jamus, but he's not gonna be healthy enough.


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[Assistant] They'll probably be out there in touchdowns and yards, but throw the most picks.


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[Assistant] So I have an interesting one. I think it's someone who has a lot to prove.


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[Assistant] And who's a gunslinger? It's Baker Mayfield is gonna throw a lot of desperate balls up there. He's gonna win some games. I don't think he's gonna be bad, but I could see him throwing 30 TDs and 20 INTs, which would lead the lead. Because he is a gunslinger.


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[Assistant] He doesn't play all of them. I don't even think he plays half. Something is afoot. Okay?


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[Assistant] You drafted this guy. He's had a year to sit. Let's see what he's got.


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[Assistant] That's what I think is going to happen. Another spicy take. Outlandish. That's a steaming take. This one might be easy. Who leads the league in fumbles? Daniel Jones.


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[Assistant] Quarterback or any position? Just any position. Who's going to put the ball on the front? It's between Daniel Jones.


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[Assistant] And they're gonna feed him the ball. That's all I'm gonna say, man. Jerry Jones loves him some Zeke.


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[Assistant] Dack had the most fumbles last year. Whaaat? Dack Prescott? Followed by Derek Carr and Kyler Mer-


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[Assistant] When I got to your house and I saw the Jeep, you know, jacked up with a lift kit and all that suspension.


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[Assistant] And then, you know, the sports car, I knew Brandon was overcompensating. Especially after I saw his fully naked body. Anyways.


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[Assistant] Okay, I figured it out. I'm gonna go with the Arizona Cardinals.


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[Assistant] Because quite frankly, they're built for offense and I, the thing with Clint Kingsbury's offense, it does not have an off switch. So he's going to keep going in throwing footballs all the time and it's going to run out of gas and his defense is going to get exhausted. And I'm not a big fan of Vance Joseph as a defensive coordinator, even though they do have talent on there. I think they're going to blow a good chunk of leads. Tommy Grossi?


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[Assistant] Winning games in the fourth quarter, you're gonna lose them. He's not that guy. He does not have that dog in him. He's not built differently. Oh, the x-ray is negative on dog.


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[Assistant] Alright, this is a good question. Which team will be out of contention first? Which team has no shot gonna start 0-4 and just be completely done?


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[Assistant] How is that possible? You're telling me the Jags are going to be better than the Bears.


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[Assistant] No Urban Meyer, man. Urban Meyer held that team down hard. Like he was grinding up on them. Did he prevent them from winning four games? They were bad, dude. I don't think the, I don't think Belichick gets the Jaguars last year. Here's the tweet. Who has a better season? Bears? Chat, join in. Who has a better season? Bears or Jags?


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[Assistant] The, the bears honestly are going to be abysmal. Abysmal.


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[Assistant] I don't know if they're gonna be worse. The Jaguars have to improve, right? Like, their stock is going up, their stock going down.


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[Assistant] That is a scorching take, sir. Scorching. You want to make a bet? Ooh. You want to make a bet, Brandon?


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[Assistant] Okay, what's on the line here? That if they lose you have to wear that outfit on your lower half? The outfit that you're currently wearing?


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[Assistant] I gotta, I gotta have a more positive outlook on this season. You just named a couple of teams that I would hate to be a fan of and I'm over here mad because our left tackle went down. You know, we can still salvage this. Okay. We're not the bears. We can do this.


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[Assistant] What the heck? Thank you for that, Brandy. Thank you for giving me some hope. I'm here to lift you up, Scooter. Thank you. What the heck?


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[Assistant] We could be the Bears. Brandon, you had a good category. I want to throw it over to you. What? Tree is gone. Bye Tree.


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[Assistant] Hi Trey. Trey just heard what I had to say and he left. Brandon, you had a good category earlier. Most Interceptions? No no no no no.


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[Assistant] 10 plus turnovers. Micah Parson.


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[Assistant] Hey uh, Scooter, you wanna, you wanna make a bet? Absolutely not, I'm making zero bets this NFL- Buddy, you did so well last year.


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[Assistant] What's gonna happen is Jalen, um, sorry, Traylen Burks is gonna give up the most yards out of anyone.


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[Assistant] We just have some breaking news. Breaking news from the New York Giants 5. Blake Martinez has just been released.


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[Assistant] Why would you release him? Why would you release him now? It's cold! That makes no sense!


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[Assistant] Y'all are already talking about dismantling my gym, and we haven't even taken a SNAP this year.


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[Assistant] Well hey, I'm glad they did that before it reached the NFC haters get. That's all that matters.


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[Assistant] All that's left now is for you guys to release, uh, my guy. Okay? Free Tony. Free Kadarius Tony. Get him the heck out of there. Immediately. Give him time.


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[Assistant] All right. Speaking of receivers though, here's what I want to know. Okay. Y'all let me know since we're on receivers, which receiver is going to have the most


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[Assistant] Eh, not Dobbs. I think, uh. What do we think of Justin Jefferson? What are we saying? You could be there. I think so. I don't think, yeaah, I think Thelon's more the possession guy on that team.


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[Assistant] Yours, but it's the criteria though, Scooter said receptions, right? He didn't say yards, he didn't say volume, it's like that little slot guy is always gonna get the most catches, or the guy that can, you know,


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[Assistant] just beat his guy on a sl when he was healthy, he and receptions just becaus


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[Assistant] It'd be hill, but you know, Tua's got a lot of question marks going on. I think if they do a west coast offense, I think


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[Assistant] Oh, here's a question for you guys. Who will be the most improved team this football season?


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[Assistant] More wins, more wins than any other team from last year.


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[Assistant] I know I said that the Lions would, uhm, blow the most leads, but they will double their win count from last year.


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[Assistant] Chat, honestly, we're doing percentage or, or amount. Honestly, I'm riding the wave. I think Denver. Yes! Yes! What did y'all go last year? Who? The Giants? Denver? Denver? Like two wins? They had like two wins.


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[Assistant] you think they jumped this year though? Five? I think four or five. I think so. I think they only needed a quarterback and an offensive schemer and I think they're a playoff contender. Easy.


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[Assistant] Good offensive line. Their defense won them three games.


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[Assistant] Brandon is gonna be insufferable this year. Alright, I got a good one for you.


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[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't get that. If the Cowboys missed the playoffs? I didn't get that from them. I don't know. You don't speak dog?


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[Assistant] They're very telepathic, you know, sometimes you have a connection with the dog and it tells you some weird out there things. Alright, back to predictions. Okay.


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[Assistant] Who will be, this one's spicy right here, who will be the first interim head coach?


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[Assistant] So, who will be, who will come out of the reserves to take over their team before the season ends? Who will be the first?


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[Assistant] That, this, and if this comes true, if somebody nails this prediction,


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[Assistant] I will give, you know what, I'll give whoever nails this prediction 50 bucks. Okay. Did anyone predict John Gruden last year?


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[Assistant] Uhm. That's a crap shoot though, man. Yeaah. I know, that's why I give you $50. You'd be, I would call you Nostradamus. Treestradamus.


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[Assistant] I honestly believe we could win the Super Bowl this year and still fire, uh, our head coach. I honestly believe that. I'm so serious. He's done it before. Why not again?


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm gonna say Shane Waldron of the Seattle Seahawks. Pete Carroll's been on thin ice. I think it's dirty if they- They're not gonna let him fire. They'll let him play out his year and then retire. You think so? Yeah. Okay, well that's my-


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[Assistant] They told Bobby Wagner bye bye and he had like 10 years of service before Pete Carroll.


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[Assistant] Alright, next category. Which team will have the first off-field incident?


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[Assistant] No, no, no, from this point forward, from this point forward, regular season, who will have an off-field incident that causes a player to miss


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[Assistant] Oh, I see if you name the player too.


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[Assistant] And, uh, maybe the off-field incidents is, is James Winston just hurts himself in a funny way.


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[Assistant] That's really hilarious, like on an exercise ball it just pops and like heats like out for


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[Assistant] There's a lot of stuff that you can get into during the season, okay? A lot of stuff you can get into.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I think it's possible that Davis Mills gets, uhm,


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[Assistant] Kidnapped by a poacher because they think he's a giraffe and they just throw him into the zoo.


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[Assistant] Nine o'clock tonight. We're gonna learn he's on some new psychedelic drug, week seven, that is on the ban list. He's just gonna tell us he's been taking it for the past ten years, resulting in some nonsense. And I'm here for it, for once.


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[Assistant] We need a name in the chat right now for Brandon Perna's superhero character wearing, can we get a full screen of Brandon Perna? And we need a name of who, what is this superhero's name right here? Mr. Wee Wee Man. The Wee Wee Man. Chat, let us know. What are we talking about?


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[Assistant] Nipple-nator. Okay. Uh, that's interesting. Ooh, the mime.


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[Assistant] They would just fumble all the time. They would just pick you up and run you out of bounds, little man.


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[Assistant] What's a useless superpower that you could have? Like, I would always want to be able to like, manifest a hand of gravel. Like, just put this rock.


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[Assistant] You've got that one. Oh yeah, that's what I mean. It's a useless superpower.


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[Assistant] It's like, oh boy, I'm gonna do some vacuuming for the Cowboy. He's sweating. He's like, are you kidding me? Eternal Cowboy's optimism. That's a useless superpower. Look. Alright, this next one is going to test your NFL knowledge. Which referee blows a game due to a bad call next year?


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[Assistant] What's, this is the Mandela effect. This man is still here. Stop playing. I think... He's 7-3-1? It's Jerome Boger. Did he retire too? Nah, it's Jerome Boger. No, Boger's still there.


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[Assistant] I don't know if Bill Belichich is there. Carl Chepers? John Hussey? Yes.


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[Assistant] Sarah Thomas, she could be in the middle of a controversy, but she don't take smack from nobody.


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[Assistant] Uhm, ooh, Ronald Torbert, I like him. He's a good ref. Alex Kemp, do you even know who that is? Hmm? Ed Hockley's been retired for five years now!


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[Assistant] Who's the NBA official that always was like Gabe Tim Duncan? Who gave him Duncan that time?


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[Assistant] Uh, the guy who gave Duncan the tech was... For like, laughing. Y'all remember that?


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[Assistant] Is it Scott Foster? Scott Foster. Scott Foster looking.


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[Assistant] Was he also the same guy that ejected Rashid Wallace for looking at him? I think so. That was another one. He was like, whack, you're gone!


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[Assistant] Alright, last couple here. This one's an easy one. Who will have the longest field goal?


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[Assistant] Brett Maher. This man is breaking the record. He's going 60% over the season and making a 75 yard field goal. Brett Maher.


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[Assistant] Lock it in. No, it's going to be Justin Tucker. Come on. Absolutely. It's not Tucker. Everyone knows it's Justin Tucker.


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[Assistant] No, it's not Evan McPherson. It's not McPherson. It's Tom. Do you have an answer?


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[Assistant] They play, they play indoors every once in a while. All I'm saying is, I think it's gonna be Tyree Kill. Brett Maher has a leg. But you're doing some outrageous stuff this season.


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[Assistant] And then you guys can throw out any bold predictions that you want and we'll wrap up the show. Which team?


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[Assistant] We'll have an odd starting QV, like a third stringer. Like last year, Ian Book found himself starting.


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[Assistant] I'm telling you, there is no way Tom Brady is playing all of these games. The Bucks are gonna have a weird season. You've already seen it happening. This man's gonna miss how many days? Watch. I'm telling you. Cleveland Browns.


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[Assistant] It's going to be the Browns. Deshaun suspended 11 games. I think Jacoby Brissett's kind of entry prone. You're going to be starting Josh Dobbs or even Josh the chosen Rosen in due time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he got caught a while ago.


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[Assistant] He's been doing really good in, uh, out five. I don't know if you've been seeing, but like he's been balling out in their training camps. So.


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[Assistant] I actually am with Brandon on this one. He, I feel like that is more likely to happen than not.


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[Assistant] I see a lot of these have done well this year. Tree, is Mason Rudolph really the backup in Pittsburgh? Uh, Rudolph is, uh, they're looking to trade him. Kenny Pickett's done alright. I think they're just going to let him sit and learn the playbook a little more. I'm saying whoever this dealer is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying whoever the Steelers third stringer is. So it's probably Pickett or like Rudolph. But Rudolph, like, they're gonna try to trade him. I think the Lions were interested for a bit, but I don't know if they're gonna look there.


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[Assistant] We gotta talk about this, it's not NFL or anything. They need that veteranism and mentorship. But we need, we gotta talk about the fact that one of the biggest trades just went down in NBA history today, uh, I don't know if you guys know. Ron James, Donovan Mitchell.


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[Assistant] Donovan Mitchell going to the Cleveland Cavaliers in exchange for three players.


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[Assistant] I can't even think of his name. No, no, no. It's Watanaba. It's the 7'6 guy. Alright, it's the next Kevin Duran.


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[Assistant] A freak. He's a freak. He's a trollery honest.


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[Assistant] You see what Utah is doing. People are literally mortgaging their whole futures to get Victor Wimbanyama up because that's how good he is. Look up some highlights. He's way too tall. He's too tall! And it helps when you have a lot of picks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, this is weird that they're doing, making moves now just to like cash in on the fall vibes. It's not them though, it's, it's, a lot of franchises have gone all in to get Victor Wimbanyama and you're gonna see.


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[Assistant] Some elite tanking this year in the NBA. I mean, Chet Holmgren is already out for the year, so Oklahoma City is beginning their great quest. Yup. Less frank injury, I think.


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[Assistant] Alright, do you guys have any predictions or any categories that you want to talk about before we get to the wind up to the countdown?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anything, any, any weird predictions? Like who leads the league in Russell? I got C.D. Lamb leading the league in receptions. Trayvon Diggs leading the league in interceptions and not Jards giving up. And I got Kavante Turpin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With five kick returns and punt returns throughout the whole season. Plus five. Stop playing. More than four and a half.


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[Assistant] Uhm, Brandon, odd prediction, just a weird, weird prediction.


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[Assistant] So if he steps in, so if he goes to watch his team or do like a ceremony, like he gets arrested and then subpoenaed. Well he subpoenaed because of the damn good culture.


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[Assistant] So what'd you make, Five? Yeah, Five, what'd you make? Yeah, how much did you make, sir? Let's get that zoom right in here. Look at those buck teeth, man. He's ready to just eat all the shit. All of it. Come on. Come on, Beaver. Chew up your totals.


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[Assistant] One more week, I did pay tuition recently and it, uh, I'm walking funny since, so... Why?


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[Assistant] Yes. Thanks, Kaylee. You guys gotta think of a punishment. What was the idea from before I had to sing something, or? Well, you also have to make that Bart's Star video too, so. Oh yeah, I gotta make a video about Bart's Star? Yep.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Review the cats movie as a cat. Alright, I respect Kaylee's wish for the one chip challenge. She caused this problem, but I am going to veto my insides being turned inside out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come up with something better. Now my veto is gone, so. You guys think of something. Okay, you gotta do the two chip challenge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let us know. Leave some comments on the video after it plays too, like after the replay. We'll go back and we'll compile the best ones for next week. We'll get back to you. Come on, we're there. Think of something before we leave. Pre-chip challenge.


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[Assistant] It's like Price is Right style, you know, like someone bets one and then two and then three and then four. Someone bets $9.99.


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[Assistant] The idea of you doing the Oneship Challenge.


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[Assistant] I cannot veto dress as wildflower. No, tree, uh, uh, scooter did that streak.


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[Assistant] Who are the Giants playing week one? The Titans. Titans. I can help you out with that if you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to get back to you on this punishment five. Okay, alright. You got, Kaylee is disappointed. She paid for this. She paid this money. Well, you would have been fine if you didn't veto. That's what she paid for. She paid for the one cost cap bet. $250. Alright, she got one.


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[Assistant] Write, perform, and record a song and music video about how great the cowboys are.


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[Assistant] Scooter's like, I approve this message. That is a great suggestion. Whilst eating the chip.


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[Assistant] She has to add that in there. I will not eat the chip. Cowboy song. Alright, we'll do that next week. I can produce that. I like it. I can even do a little music video. Make it all. Don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we'll see you guys next week. Official, official record predictions. Division, Super Bowl, the whole thing.


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[Assistant] Kaylee, you crazy. Who was that to? Was that to Tree? That was not to me.


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[Assistant] It's seven days and just like a couple hours. That's it. So it's just seven days, couple hours. That's a week.


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[Assistant] You said less than a week, you said less than a week away before, which is just statistically wrong.


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[Assistant] In previous years I would have said the Lions, because that's what they usually do, but I'm gonna go with the team that basically did it last year, and that's the Minnesota Vikings. Because they-


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[Assistant] Zimmer was a defensive guy.


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[Assistant] I agree. I still don't think their defense is going to be as good. Like it'll be better than it was last year, but that's not saying much. So you know who I got?


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[Assistant] I mean, to be fair, I don't want to give the Bears some credit here. They did pick up a stud in Alex Leatherwood. So I think that their offensive line woes are a hundred percent over. I know he's just a backup, but I think that he could rise to be one of their starters real quick.


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[Assistant] Okay, great, good. So, if Micah Parsons gets any less than 10 turnovers...


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[Assistant] Jalen Rieger, remember that one time he went after a fan, like in the DMs? He's just gonna do it after he fumbles like a whole bunch of punt returns, uh, for the Vikings.


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[Assistant] And he's, or, or, he's gonna forget that he's no longer a bird and fly into the stadium. Either one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he just is gonna flap his wings outside and run head first into the stadium.


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[Assistant] What's gonna happen when Kirk Cousins actually turns out to be your serial killer? Like, how long are they gonna question Brandon, like, in the police station and be like, how did you know?


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[Assistant] You're invisible, but only when you're actively peeing.


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[Assistant] What the heck? Head retired when the Bears had Super Bowl hopes.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. Mason Crosby? No, it's not gonna be Mason Crosby. No, you're gonna take my answer! Don't you take my answer! The Falcons kicker.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm saying, you're gonna get some weird QBs there. Gonna get some weird QBs.


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[Assistant] Oh, it's like that one time with tree, like that was, is that what the joke was?


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[Assistant] I think that 5 should do the one chip challenge live on it. Yes.


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[Assistant] Sorry, Scooter. I should have gotten group consensus instead of listening to Adam say, yeah, I'm good.


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[Assistant] Aaron Rodgers foot. He needs our help to save. Aaron Rodgers foot. The fractured toe is no laughing matter.


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[Assistant] That's what I'm supporting. I've got a link here to the Alzheimer's Association. Holy crap, I made $571 already.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so the super chats go to the charity. That's what you need. They're not going to watch this.


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[Assistant] I'm thankful I've got so much money that I can afford a Gucci headband and then throw it away when I'm done using it.


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[Assistant] My goal with this show was to get rich or die trying. Right now, I ain't dying, mother lickers. I am a KING of the mountain. I am all about that money. And I'm making it known, finally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except for today, we're raising for a good cause, the Alzheimer's Association. We got over... Almost 290! We're at 290! Uh, I'm doing...


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[Assistant] I do it for the Alzheimer's Association every year. I couldn't attach my link for the Colorado chapter, which is what I usually do. This is just the Alzheimer's Association.


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[Assistant] Big picture people. So it's going to them, but this year the goal is to get to 20,000. Today's donos don't go towards that. And I am willing to work even harder to get to the 20,000. Last year we destroyed the Tom Brady Lego head as the reward. And what I'm looking for today from you kind hearted people donating your hard earned money. What should I do?


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[Assistant] Dropped the dollars, and uh, it was...


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[Assistant] None of your receivers could catch a football against the Chiefs. Literally the worst receiving performance I've ever seen. And the Chiefs were right there dropping them with them.


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[Assistant] It looks amazing. Yeah. It's called the Memphis Buys. And that's awesome. And they still are. Great bar in Memphis. If you're there, check it out for a great time. But we were on a buy week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All we did was extend Cortland Sutton and Tim Patrick, two great ball catchers that they don't have a damn quarterback to throw to. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yes, you like to bet on sports?


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[Assistant] Yo, so check it out, guys. I don't know if you know this, but tomorrow is Thanksgiving. What? It's a holiday.


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[Assistant] And there are three football games on Thanksgiving and DraftKings says hey!


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[Assistant] Do you hate your family? Well, let's bet on some football. They don't say that. Uh, that's my, my, my throwing it in there. But if you do hate your family.


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[Assistant] Cause you can do $1 on any Thanksgiving NFL game and win $100 in free bets!


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[Assistant] Because I don't think you have any other reason to watch that early in the morning. Correct. Early in the morning. Uh, other games?


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[Assistant] Going into New Orleans where Sean Payton cannot be beat on holidays. If you think you got the inside track and you wanna...


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[Assistant] I feel like we need to talk about this.


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[Assistant] Let's put it this way, the top 6 on this, top 7, top 8, you really can't argue with.


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[Assistant] I mean, LeFleur, handsome. Flores, handsome. Sala, handsome. Kingsberry, handsome. Tomlin, handsome. McVeigh. Vrabel. Stefanski, you could probably put ahead of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have four, where are we at? We have four thirty-one. And next week, I will be raising money.


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[Assistant] To support my plastic surgery, so I too can look like the sexiest coach in the league, Matt LaFleur.


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[Assistant] I will have my whole face reconstructed to be like the sexiest coach in the league. And Todd Grassi!


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[Assistant] How many thousands of dollars have the grassy posse slidin' down?


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[Assistant] Grassy Posse, undefeated. That's it. Undefeated. Undefeated.


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[Assistant] Cowboys? Thanksgiving? Nah, I think the Raiders are gonna win. Uh, it really depends on whether CD Lamb plays or not, man.


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[Assistant] We are at 666 to donations to charity.


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[Assistant] Okay, we just need to confirm that he fractured his tail.


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[Assistant] You can go, but it has to just be a vacation.


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[Assistant] Bill's Mafia already taking over Bourbon Street. They are flooding the streets of, I mean, put Bill's Mafia on Bourbon Street. That sounds like, that sounds like a drunken


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[Assistant] As soon as this 30 seconds is up, no charities will ever be supported again.


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[Assistant] I got 681, little disappointed, we went off the 666 number, but I'll take 681 for a great cause. I did not put donations into this one, I put donation into...


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[Assistant] We should buy Tom Grassi his second share as a Packers owner.


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[Assistant] Uh, so at some point, you know, we need to kind of teach some responsibility here and wish you were given an assignment and which you didn't complete. And so there are consequences to that. So I think it's, uh, it's half a letter grade a day that it's going to be late. So, uh, this is going to be a week late. So that's, uh, that's going to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's going down swinging. And I mean, you have a holiday, so you know, in the spirit of Christmas, I won't charge you for the weekend. Uhm, and I'll even, I even won't charge you for tomorrow. So that's still Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then you'll give it to me on Thursday. So you're looking at a B to start with. Starting at a B minus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friendly reminder. If, uh, the Colts win on Saturday, Scooter, you lose the bet already with me, the second bet. Because you said that the Falcons would have a better record than the Colts. And that really was a real, real bad bet. That was a real, real bad bet. Well, here's your rubric, by the way.


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[Assistant] So let me just go through this and kind of what we're looking at here. So, uh, obviously you're going to be starting around a B minus. So we're going to lose a few points for that. So, uh, I'll convert that to some points. Uh, but yeah, so during this book report, which we agreed was going to be a 10 slides here.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm gonna be looking and grading on these certain criteria here. So the claim, the evidence, the analysis, and of course the writing itself. So when we're doing a claim, you need a thesis to start this off with. What did you learn, right? What are you trying to prove with your presentation, Scooter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, exactly, right? So it needs to be clearly stated, and the biggest part is, is you gotta prove that claim throughout, right? That's what your evidence is for. So I wanna see some quotes. I should throw in a little bit, uh, I want this in MLA, too. I'm, I'm letting you off easy by letting you go in MLA, but... What sports league is MLA? Uh, it's, uh, Major Le... Major League Athletics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so make sure throughout the presentation, you know, there's plenty of evidence, uh, throughout it. Uh, then we're going to go through analysis. This is, listen, Scooter, you're, you're a smart guy, right? You're a bright guy. I know you know the stuff, but you need to go deeper than just stating facts for me. All right. I need to, you need to prove to me that you understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going on in Urban Meyer's book, okay? Why is he grinding up on these chicks? Where's his fingers going? That's what I want to know. And then finally here for the writing too, this is just like, it needs to be logical, right? It needs to be well written and et cetera like that. That's, it's pretty basic. I went a little easy on you. I didn't go over an AP rubric.


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[Assistant] Yes. I want to hear. Are we talking about Sunday's game or this Saturday's game?


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[Assistant] I mean, I think so. We were able to move it on their secondary pretty well. Did you see how they were covering Devonte Adams? They had three people on Devonte Adams at times. Like they had a corner right there and then they had like another corner that was like playing nickel and then they would have a safety. It was insane. Like they said they never saw anything like it.


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[Assistant] They literally came up to Tay afterwards and said that we had something called Bulldog 17 literally just to stop him from getting the ball. And so when there was three people on him, he said he would just run in circles just so like he would like pull three guys off the field. It was amazing. So.


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[Assistant] You actually only need to lose one and you need to win out. That's it.


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[Assistant] So we have a buffer against the Buccaneers and we have a buffer against the Arizona Cardinals, but we do not have one against you. So we need you to actually lose to the Cardinals next week. That would be great because then we get a buffer and then if we win these next two games, we don't even need to play our starters week 18.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, it's either Jair or Bakhtiari. The offensive line is beat up, so like I'm leaning towards Bakhtiari with the left tackle because we're going to be playing against some good defenses. It'd be him, then it'd be Jair, and then it'd be Uzi.


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[Assistant] Can I also wish for, can I wish for a special teams too? Like the whole thing. Can I just get, can I get a whole special teams unit?


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[Assistant] Can I ask for a quick second? Why in God's name would Russell Wilson go to the Giants when his complaints about the Seahawks are offensive line?


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[Assistant] Or wait, I mean, I would think that they would want, instead of Tray Lance, Quatro Lance. Give us four Lances, see?


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[Assistant] Titan's Niners. It should be a great game. I'm actually really looking forward to it.


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[Assistant] I am not saying that, I'm just saying that the options should be available for them if they so chose. Cause that team is so bad. Like, I picked them to beat the Jaguars, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we play D&D together during the offseason once, please? Please?


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[Assistant] Honestly, it's a lot of improv. Like, if you have a good group of people, like, you just laugh your ass off and have a good time.


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[Assistant] You need Trevor Lawrence to become the new AEW World Champion because I need them to jump the shark so hard that they're like, you know what? Screw it. Like he's supposed to be a football player. No, now he's AEW champion. Can you imagine? Like the fear that'd be in the opponent's eyes. Trevor Lawrence just coming out with a championship belt every single week. Come on now. Come on now.


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[Assistant] Alright, yeaah, so what the Bears need is someone who is not going to absolutely destroy Justin Fields. Uh, maybe get him a neck brace so when he gets popped in the head every single game, it's not as significant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he's gonna walk out there like he got into a car crash every single week. He's like, hey guys, I'm ready because he keeps on getting hit in the head. That's another thing. Oh, and a guy who'll actually run the football. And then finally the Lions, everything but head coach they need everything and they have a good center. They need to get healthy. They have a good tackle.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they have a good, of course they have Sewell. Sewell's been great.


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[Assistant] I, I am so dumb. Here's my detail. I'm like rolling this, I'm like, this doesn't look right.


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[Assistant] They have an easy schedule though. They have to play the Panthers twice and I think it's the Jets. It's a joke.


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[Assistant] Tom, who do you have for this game? I have the San Francisco 49ers.


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[Assistant] That water was mine, so. I just donated a condo something to it.


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[Assistant] Yaaaay, so tree wins, actually kinda wins. Tree? Okay, I think we should introduce the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, if we ever play Monopoly, Tree, you can go first.


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[Assistant] I gotta edit the West video and put it out before the game starts, which I'm also streaming. So this is going to be going at ludicrous speed. Ludicrous speed? Yup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's trademarked, unless it's like a radio commercial, like if it's like a radio TV commercial, you can't. I think like if you're talking on a podcast, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a question. Can we make prop bets on if Aaron Rodgers is going to the Broncos or not?


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[Assistant] Worst movie I saw was probably the 2016 Most Busters, like I was just bored throughout that entire movie.


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[Assistant] Probably Joe Burrow. They like going quarterback with those sort of things. But I would prefer maybe Aaron Donald gets like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, I like Mike Elton. I'm happy for him.


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[Assistant] All ESPN has had a lot of downsides. You know what? They gotta take what they can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate the term influencer. Can I say that? I know, we all do, but it's, I like to use it. It sounds like a snake oil salesman sort of thing. It's like I'm peddling crap to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If not him, obj, because he's gonna be open a ton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Cooper Cup is gonna probably be doubled up and allow space for OBJ to do his thing. He's going to be up against Eli Apple. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd probably say the Rams because I feel like Matthew Stafford's going to throw a pick or two. I feel like since he's been playing more or less seamless football and offense. So if it's going to be the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nat Holmes has a lot of hay flung his way and you know,


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[Assistant] He's getting, he's getting two tickets to flavor town. All right. They're just going to cost 5, 5,500 bucks a pop. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, you know what I want two to be on? Ben Stiller and family. So I could technically say the Stiller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I would say it's just gonna be a nostalgia trip. That's probably all they're shooting for right now. Something out of like the late 90s, early 2000s. As early 2000s nostalgia is really starting to pop up in terms of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overall value right now, you know, like the nineties were the big thing, like fi- like five, ten years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It usually happens like every 20 to 40 years, you get that sort of revival. So that's what they're shooting for right now. And if they can get some sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Early 2000s sort of vibe, like Snoop Dogg is just gonna come out with a pile of money and then he finishes his rap for like about two minutes and then he comes out with another pile of money and then just walks away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want- Remember that mobile party with Buffalo Chicken Dip and it's just like, oh man, Shakira's still got it. What do I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go to my underground bookie and then get my legs cut off because I lost. Or draft games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're not a proper user of DraftKings, and your state is primitive and does not allow...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, we'll do, they should re-air that Chipotle commercial from Thanksgiving, where they go on a farm and then, like, a person dies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gonna play in China with the Shanghai Sharks and the Guangdong Tigers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, many. And we all know what's gonna happen. They're gonna say like, oh, we found nothing wrong because, you know, they gave us money and some scotch. So that's how it's gonna be. Well, what kind of scotch? That's the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we'll get the scotch. We'll, we'll say Johnny Green, you know, made it here. Not Johnny Blue, Johnny Blue's the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, a robot? Well, I'm going Bengals because absolutely nothing makes sense anymore, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on. How much did you make? How much did you make? How much did you make?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. It was your turn. You've been long overdue, buddy. Let's not deny that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw Dr. Robotnik. Saw that. Do we go, do we make him watch the Pro Bowl?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that'll be, that'll be tons of fun. That'll probably become the rates of wanting. Tom, what about you? What do you got coming up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm actually very interested to hear your guys' responses to this, cause right now it seems like everyone's on the giant side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've experienced, yo, no matter what I do, this person is just not vibing with me. They don't like me.


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[Assistant] I don't know if you in the chat have experienced that. I have. I know what that's like. I know exactly what Calvin Benjamin is talking about. No matter what he does, he's doing all his drills, he's there on time, he's putting in the work. No matter what he does, this person doesn't like you.


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[Assistant] Uh, but here's my thing. The reason he said he showed up overweight was because he said he was more muscular. He said, y'all wanted this, but I'm giving you...


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[Assistant] But just think in your mind, think in your mind. You might have been loved, but there might have been a player that always got dogged for no reason.


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[Assistant] So I understand, like, it is on the player 100%. You want, if you want to be in the league, you do exactly what they say. But.


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[Assistant] Bro, the Texans are getting unnecessary strays. Listen, nothing against Houston. Green Bay's like a Fortune 500 company, and the Texans are our new franchise. They're a startup.


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[Assistant] How do you feel now that this has come to an end? There is a conclusion. We know Aaron Rodgers is a packer. How are you feeling?


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[Assistant] Fans in the chat, you let me know how you feel about this, cause I can guarantee there is not a single Washington fan in here looking at this, thinking this is good. I would be mad.


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[Assistant] I have a lot to talk about, like, we could just end the whole video talking about a couple of these points, but we begin!


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[Assistant] With the SEC, the Southeastern Conference, the best conference in all of college football. It's getting better.


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[Assistant] Because why? My dad's in the chat. Oh nice. Ooh, shout out, shout out to Tom's dad. Can we get some W's in the chat for Tom's dad? Stop lying. Let me put one in there too. What the heck? Tom's dad's like, where's my son? Where's my son?


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[Assistant] They've left. They've already made the decision to leave and they will be joining the SEC in 2025.


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[Assistant] I've looked at how they might do it, how they might split the divisions, because right now the SEC is just East and West, right? You got Bama, Auburn, LSU, they're in the West, right? The hard teams in the East, it's really just Florida, Georgia.


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[Assistant] But now, who knows what the heck is going to happen.


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[Assistant] Exactly, but what I've seen, uh, a great account if you're into gators is in all kinds of weather.


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[Assistant] They had a logo or a potential for conference, like North, South, East, West, and just split it up like that. I'm down for that because we don't play Alabama.


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[Assistant] Uh, in that version, I'm a little bit afraid that Florida will end up having, will end up having to play Alabama and Auburn now every year because of this entrance of Texas and Oklahoma.


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[Assistant] But the most confusing thing of this whole thing, and I'll get all you guys can jump in right now. The most confusing thing on this whole thing. Why are Texas Tech fans upset?


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[Assistant] Uh, we got the draft coming up tonight. Magic got picks five and pick eight. Dynasty starts in three seasons. Come on, jump on the bandwagon while you still can. Cade Cunningham already been selected. The Detroit Pistons have already said we're taking Cade. I think this might be


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[Assistant] The wildest draft in the NBA we've seen in the last 10 years.


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[Assistant] So this one, it's a top, they're saying, bro, listen to this, bro, they're saying this is a top four draft. And of course the Magic have the fifth pick in a top four draft. I feel like it's every year it's like that with the Magic. Like, bro, come on.


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[Assistant] Like I said, anything can happen. The chat is saying check Woj's Twitter again.


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[Assistant] So basically the wizards are basically giving Bradley Beal everything he wants. Bradley Beal is Aaron Rodgers in this situation. Uh, because...


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[Assistant] Well, if Bradley Beale leaves the Wizards, they literally have no one. Yea, that's true. There's nothing, there's no one, no body.


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[Assistant] Almost every mock has a trade in it. That's what I'm saying, like, I'm expecting three or four trades going into this draft tonight.


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[Assistant] Minnesota Timberwolves just acquired Ricky Rubio. What? What is happening?


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[Assistant] They couldn't even give you a full-size bottle. Your thoughts. There's two things I want to get your guys' thoughts on before we go out. Number one, Xavier and Howard, one requested a trade from the dollar.


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[Assistant] What, what does the quarterback came out of Oregon on blanking?


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[Assistant] Since we're talking about cowboys, why don't we just make the last transition? Dak Prescott experiencing some shoulder.


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[Assistant] Some shoulder tightness, they're taking some precautions, keeping him out, making sure nothing's going on. Let me just say this. If


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[Assistant] Rain Dakota Prescott is not QB1 for Dallas Cowboys come the start of the season. I will be depressed.


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[Assistant] Uh huh. I will be so depressed. Latissimus. Like, is this how you feel with like Daniel, Daniel Jones as your quarterback? How I would feel without Dak as a quarterback?


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[Assistant] Yo listen, I love you guys. Each and every one of you, I just wanted to give a special thank you right now. I love you guys.


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[Assistant] Okay, okay. Chad, help us come up with a punishment, Chad. Now that we know Tom is getting punished, help us come up with a punishment.


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[Assistant] Have him use head and shoulders during the show. Yeah, that would be a little messy.


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[Assistant] So here we go. Dress up like Mike Ditka for a show.


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[Assistant] Should we put a poll? What do you choose?


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[Assistant] Can we get some W's in the chat though for Tomunism, for Tom Grassi being a great sport, a perpetual great sport, continuously winning here and continuously showing up.


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[Assistant] I can make, I can invite to speak. I just invited Trey to speak.


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[Assistant] I have a quick question. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Are we allowed to curse now or no?


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[Assistant] I can't, oh my god. Someone keeps on saying, let's go you son of a bitch in there. And it's just playing on loop. I don't know whose phone it is. It sounds like someone is like playing a video game on there. I don't, I don't know what it is. But it's bad. Anyway.


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[Assistant] It was really, it was, it was a really bad launch. It got leaked weeks ago though, because of NBC Sports, there is a, like they showed it, and like, I think one of the coaches was holding


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[Assistant] Um, like, uh, a piece of paper that said commanders on it and had the whole logo and everything.


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[Assistant] I like when he tries to pretend he's like a normal person and he wears like nice like jackets like that, like varsity jackets and it's like, look guys, I'm cool and hip and I'll wear a hoodie to Sean Taylor's memorial, uh, game over here.


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[Assistant] Do you think he's the Basilisk from Harry Potter? Like, do you think that Voldemort, like, has a piece of him? Like, he's a Horcrux, do you think? A Horcrux?


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[Assistant] I think like if you go, that is true, if you, but their jerseys is all tiny W's and it's just all W's all over. Like the big old W that's on the front of their helmet, it needs to be all over. Like I just want them to create like the worst jersey possible and just confuse their enemy.


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[Assistant] Perna said this too on GPS, it was basically like, we all know, like you said, Vi, like we all know what they're talking about in terms of, like, the window dressing, the end racism in the end zone, like all that stuff. And that's all it is.


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[Assistant] I legitimately don't even think he wants to be in Florida. I mean like, the previous interviews and how he trash talks like no one shows up and stuff like that, I legit thinks like he wants to be, they're already the London team, like just move on over there. I think that he's not only disinterested, I think he's actively like, I don't care.