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[Assistant] Dan Snyder. And in their usually humiliating ways being considered as such a punchline that the world is shocked whenever they aren't in the basement. At least with the Browns, people outside their stratosphere give a shit about them.


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[Assistant] They sympathize with the fanbase. When the carcals are good, people aren't happy. They're just surprised. It just means that hell is frozen over temporarily before it rethaws and reality is restored.


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[Assistant] Bruce's retirement may have been symbolic, but there was no denying reality. Arizona was starting over again. Despite having most of the core back, Carson Palmer chose to hang it up after another injury-riddled season.


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[Assistant] They needed to strike gold on their next head coach like they did with Arians. What they left with...


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[Assistant] He was 5 and 6. It's like they settled on Pittsburgh Rare with their coach. Sear the sides and leave it frozen in the middle. But hey, he's in a decent situation. The old GM and Steve Keim is still here!


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[Assistant] The rest of the team is a mess with a few key skill players, but abysmal depth and a terrible offensive line, but there's still hope. There always is at the start of the year.


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[Assistant] Yes, the game was in LA, that's how bad it was. They silted the earth by means of telekinesis. Get used to such massacres, for this is how the entirety of the season would go.


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[Assistant] He may not achieve his potential, but his bank account is sure reaching its upside. Josh Rosen, the great QB prospect they drafted, I honestly can't get a gauge on. I don't know if he was terrible because the team around him was such shit, or because he was the one that was playing like shit. Josh didn't exactly help his case with a terrible decision-making, but honestly, anyone would have failed in this situation.


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[Assistant] No guys, you were an embarrassment long before the injury bug came after you with Fury. The season was an outright disaster. Patrick Peterson demanding a trade because he was tired of the shit show and wanted to go to a real team.


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[Assistant] And then dropped his request because of probable blackmail. The worst record for the franchise since 2001. Steve Wilkes was as much of a mess as the team was, and Fitz was rotting by the day. There needed to be a scapegoat for such a colossal failure, and it turned out to be Wilkes himself.


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[Assistant] Wilkes was completely unprepared for the role. He did a terrible job, but to only give him one year? When a guy is gone that quickly, somebody fucked up. A season should not be punted away in a glorified interview process. It gets worse thanks to the guy they replaced him with.


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[Assistant] Are there really any left at this point? Either they left with Aryans, got pissed off ages ago with the Bidwells, or are transplants and have other loyalties. There is nothing here.


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[Assistant] With ExpressVPN, I know with the utmost comfort that I will be able to avoid all of them with one click of the button. And that's why it's become a vital staple to my online arsenal. Even better, this free agent is coming cheap. Freedom and privacy can be yours for less than $7 a month.


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[Assistant] Right? Are you talking about the analytics, the GPS, all the modern technology? Man I'm trying to throw the game back to 1998.


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[Assistant] In the star-crossed tales of the Bills and Sabres, it's hard to separate them. They're both controlled by the same owner, and cursed in the arts of failure and agony. Terry Pagula may still hold both teams in an iron grip.


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[Assistant] I think it's wise if we start with the model citizen of the group in the bill.


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[Assistant] They have slowly developed into Super Bowl contenders with meticulous and intricate actions. This is due to the efforts of the new Regi.


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[Assistant] The main mastermind from Carolina, Sean McDermott. A coach who brought about a new vision for the team.


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[Assistant] One that would focus on new age tactics and analytical insights. A plan that could involve a slight step back, but could reap incredible rewards.


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[Assistant] For his right hand, another man from that Panthers team is GM and Brandon Bean. From the beginning, they set out to work.


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[Assistant] Players are much more relaxed and embrace the messages coaches are trying to get across. It shows a clear vision of what the team wants to do. And if all goes according to plan, it shows in both the win and stack columns.


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[Assistant] Player development is often the litmus test in how things are improving or not. How do I emphasize this? Let's talk a bit about Josh Allen. When he was drafted, he was seen as a massive risk. He had a rocket arm, but it was incredibly inaccurate. He would make suspect decisions throwing the ball.


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[Assistant] It would take a great effort to reach his full potential, but it didn't seem that way at first. He would show flashes of brilliance, but then counter it by overthrowing his receivers by 20 yards. After a subpar performance against Houston in a postseason loss, there were still questions about his future, but the Bills didn't stray from the plan, and he rewarded them for it.


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[Assistant] Buffalo supplemented their talent with an elite pick-up in Stefan Diggs. It cost plenty, but the rewards have justified it. Not just with Diggs's year, but Josh Allen has emerged as one of the league's elite.


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[Assistant] They not only eased him into play as a quarterback, but they slowly challenged him to evolve his game into what it is. They've helped him develop subtlety, and it's allowed him to reach his potential.


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[Assistant] In other organizations and past Bills teams, there's a chance he would've busted. But here, it was the perfect situation. And it's the shining prize of the new Regi.


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[Assistant] We've chosen the draft in free agency and in re-signing players. They don't act desperately but tactically.


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[Assistant] Filling holes when needed with options from within are free agents that fit the scheme. Those that will best fit the players around them and the coaches guiding them.


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[Assistant] This is what happens when you have a mishmash of different directions, coaches and personnel moves. You get the Sabres.


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[Assistant] As a bilo acquisition from Carolina, Skinner was entering a contract year. He was a wildly inconsistent player, but one with skill, and a guy who could thrive with an elite center. Let's just say he had that in Buffalo.


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[Assistant] Potting 40 goals and enticing many suitors in a free agent year. However, there was reason to be skeptical.


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[Assistant] Skinner as a highly streaky player was merely a compliment to Alon. He would be grossly overpaid on the market, and there was a chance they wouldn't get the return they desired.


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[Assistant] But Buffalo and the Pagula specifically demanded he be back.


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[Assistant] Standard Fair Terry would twist the arms of management despite their concerns. I get that Skinner had a great year.


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[Assistant] But at nine million dollars per year for eight years? What in the literal fuck? Elite money for a complimentary player? With this move, the Sabers showed themselves as desperate. And desperation always leads to disaster. If only it were just that bad for them.


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[Assistant] Nine million dollars lurking in the wastes. And it toils on the fourth line at best. Skinner has even been a healthy scratch on numerous occasions.


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[Assistant] To call it one of the worst deals in hockey is an understatement, and he can join Galakposso in that regard. Thus leads to the major issue of the Sabres.


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[Assistant] In the beginning it was Russ Brandon and Pat Lafontaine, both of whom had no experience as hockey executives. Lafontaine left after a few months.


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[Assistant] And Brandon stepped aside in 2018 after workplace harassment allegations came to light.


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[Assistant] Call me a sexist pig all you want, but what the fuck does Kimbagula know about running a hockey franchise?


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[Assistant] Apparently it involves running it like a tyrant and creating a toxic culture. Instead of trusting to those that know what they're doing.


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[Assistant] The pagulas surround themselves with friends or family, or worse, themselves. And it shows in the hockey product.


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[Assistant] Fortunately for the Bills, list instability and insular thinking has not affected them.


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[Assistant] These have led to heights the Bills merely had in their dreams. Clenching the AFC's title, and winning playoff games.


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[Assistant] Yes, they may have been smacked across the board against Kansas City in the AFC Championship game, but they should not let it haunt them too much. It was a fantastic season for them.


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[Assistant] And the bill should view this as a learning experience. To better themselves for next time. Their true prize is one not seen on the field. It's in building a culture of winning. This is one of the most desired things for any organization.


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[Assistant] Such a strong and viable atmosphere is what players and coaches are attracted to when looking for a place to stay. Players will come cheaper to join a resize.


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[Assistant] A bad team would not get Matt Milano to come back on a cheap deal like that if there weren't organizational intangibles.


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[Assistant] Those with strong leadership at the top will attract the best. The Bills are reaping such rewards.


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[Assistant] With proper insulation and structure from the islanders, Lainer not only became a fan favorite and champion of mental health, he won a share of the fucking William Jennings trophy. Evander Kane!


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[Assistant] In Buffalo, his reputation was one of being a total cancer.


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[Assistant] Arrest for a bar fight's questions about his dedication to the game and being ineffective at ailing Buffalo's woes. Cue a big trade to San Jose, and Kane becomes a key asset to their team as well.


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[Assistant] Off of it's still a bit of an issue, but it's unrelated to hockey itself. He's been a fine asset to San Jose. Ryan O'Reilly!


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[Assistant] The local boy admitted the Sabres ripped out his passion for the game. The losing culture had permeated him whole.


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[Assistant] They forced Boterole to ship him off beforehand or else face their wrath.


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[Assistant] Being traded for a fractional cost was the best thing that could have happened to him.


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[Assistant] As a St. Louis Blue, he became a key contributor to their Stanley Cupra, would win the Consmythe trophy that year, and eventually grew to earn the Captaincy. These are not independent issues. This is the fault of the organization itself.


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[Assistant] After a COVID outbreak struck the team, they fell into a tailspin.


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[Assistant] And the pagulas sit on top of a mountain of shit so high they can't even smell the fumes.


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[Assistant] So you may be wondering how the sabers have suffered this fate, but not the builds. That part is easy to answer.


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[Assistant] They have allowed the football men to do their jobs without interference, either by contentment or lack of caring. And the bills have been saved of this rat.


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[Assistant] I hate to say it, Buffalo, but your main comparison here is James Dolan.


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[Assistant] People tend to forget that Dolan also owns the New York Rangers.


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[Assistant] It's the disparity that separates these teams from Buffalo.


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[Assistant] The face of the franchise, and one of the best players the organization has ever had, was traded for a mere pittance.


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[Assistant] Aeronado and the fans would blame the team. Management and ownership would make a token gesture of blaming themselves.


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[Assistant] Dick Monfort became a faux-philosopher, flagellating his own back in a press conference saying that he'd fire himself if he had the chance.


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[Assistant] He can say Jeff Brightage only needs about six more years to have his rudderless vision come to fruition, but the seedy reality has been brought to the light. They only care for the bottom line. And the Nolan Aronado trade proved it.


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[Assistant] You see your Arenados, your Blackmans, your Marqueses, your Trevor Stories, and you say, wow, this is a good baseball team. But break through that perfect outside and there is nothing. Simply a hollow show.


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[Assistant] The team's drafting and player development is atrocious. Prospects drop like flies due to the waste and penny-pinching of the organization.


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[Assistant] What team that sees themselves as competitive gives regular at bats to 35 year old Matt Kemp?


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[Assistant] If a player gets bad, fuck it, they don't wanna pay him. David Dahl? Great header who had a bad year, doesn't matter, he's gone.


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[Assistant] DJ Lameju? Sorry, too rich for their blood, he's free to go! They'll just sign washed up Daniel Murphy because name recognition!


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[Assistant] No problem, just trade him elsewhere and bring in a name Brandon Jose Reyes that becomes a cancer and doesn't want to be in Denver. The same thing played out with Aronado. He saw through the whole smoke and mirror show that management put on.


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[Assistant] The contract extension he may have signed a year earlier was exorbitant, but he knew he wasn't going to see it through. Monfort didn't sign him for the long haul. He signed him to boost short-term fan interest in the team. There were already cracks showing long before the trade.


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[Assistant] With the loss of attendance due to Covid, the Rockies either couldn't or didn't want to pay him the remainder of his deal. It was an open conflict, but more of a Cold War.


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[Assistant] Aronado would have a down year all around, his bat was underwhelming, he'd have outbursts in front of the cameras, he would end the season injured. But here's the moment when I knew things were dying.


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[Assistant] When the locker room atmosphere is significantly better once the franchise faces away, there's no way to repair it.


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[Assistant] Their key revenue stream was taken out and were caught with their pants down. Colorado couldn't win.


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[Assistant] So management in the fashion they would take under this regime chose the path most convenient for them. Shed payroll.


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[Assistant] No top prospects, just a mishmash of longshots and guys who will be placeholders in the future. And to further twist the knife.


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[Assistant] This is a total failure of Colorado and their executive branch.


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[Assistant] They have merely chosen to be comfortable with the status quo of retaining short-term profit instead of long-term gains.


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[Assistant] They may have traded Aronado and countless millions for some craft beer and peanuts, but the Rockies traded far more than that. They traded their team's reputation. They traded any respect that the organization may have had. They traded the interest their fans had in the team.


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[Assistant] This is the kind of deal that gets looked at like Ronnie franchise getting traded to the Penguins. You know how Hartford fell after that deal happened? The same thing is happening here. Why should anyone sign a big contract with the team?


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[Assistant] Welcome to Pirate Baseball, a land where the laughter reigns supreme.


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[Assistant] Did you want a show to go along with your accidental baseball game? You would be in luck.


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[Assistant] The daughters are in town and looking to keep pace in the NL West. But I implore you to look to the East. A savior arrives. Cabrion Hayes is an outstanding talent.


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[Assistant] A baseball gently caressing the top of the Clemente wall, spit back out in disgust of receiving a souvenir. There'd be a replay to see if it was a home run, but... Oh no. He's never touched first. Dave Roberts challenged that, not the hit itself!


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[Assistant] Unfortunately, rules are rules. And they say if you don't touch them all, you're out. A majestic dong becomeeth a majestic doink.


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[Assistant] Athletics has been part of the Paralympic Games since 1960 and offers a wide range of competitions and events. It's open to male and female athletes in all impairment groups. Classifications start with T for track or F for field.


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[Assistant] Track events include all distances from 100m through to Marathon, as well as high jump, long jump and triple jump. Field events include discus, shot put,


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[Assistant] This is followed by a double digit number. The first number indicates the type of impairment and the second number indicates the degree. The lower the second number, the greater the impact of the impairment on the athlete's ability to do track or field events.


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[Assistant] T20 athletes have an intellectual impairment. In the T30s, athletes have a coordination impairment, such as cerebral palsy.


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[Assistant] 40 to 41 athletes have short stature.


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[Assistant] 42 to 44 athletes have an impairment in one or both legs


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[Assistant] Often requiring a prosthetic, but it also includes athletes with impaired muscle power, impaired range of movement, or leg length difference. In classes T45 to 47, athletes have an impairment in one or both arms.


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[Assistant] T51 to 54 athletes compete in wheelchair racing due to a leg impairment or loss of muscle power in the legs and or trunk.


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[Assistant] For field events, these athletes are split over classes F51 to 57, competing in seated throws. They also have a limb impairment, for example, from a spinal cord injury.


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[Assistant] Whether you want to see athletes run 100 meters in just over 10 seconds, marvel at a high jumper with one leg clearing 2 meters, or a thrower propelling a discus nearly 50 meters, this is the sport for you.


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[Assistant] I've got a triple autographed photo of three of the greatest baseball players to play. We got Killer Brew, Maze, and Mantle.


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[Assistant] I came down to the pawn shop today to see if I could sell my Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, and Herman Killibrew photo, signed by all three of them. To get a little extra money to go out tonight and hit the strip, I'm looking to get $500 for my photo. Feel like I'm a pretty good negotiator? I think I can get this done.


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[Assistant] You're not going to be able to get these guys anywhere. The key is catching them on three. How about 375?


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[Assistant] Tried to do my best. I got less than I wanted, but I'm alright with it. What do you got?


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[Assistant] If you desire to see things like Jerry's massive scoreboard, but don't want to throw him all of your money, then the solution lies with SeatGeek.


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[Assistant] If you're a fifth string wide receiver that was framed for a robbery and is in fact a decent human being, the Cowboys have no spot for your wholesomeness, get the fuck out. He's an imposter of a football player, you know. Let's not forget that this is a man who was ever so close to drafting Johnny Football, only to be stopped by his pesky meddling son.


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[Assistant] But this is just the surface act of Jerry Jones. The man is the shadow emperor of the league. Anyone that follows closely knows that Roger Goodell does not run the NFL. Jerry Jones does.


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[Assistant] A lot of key moves made in the past few years have his fingerprints on them. Stan Kronke completely fucking over St. Louis and moving to Los Angeles? That was Jerry Jones' bidding.


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[Assistant] To say to him, bitch, this is my league. You don't scare me at all. Get back in line with the rest of the owners.


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[Assistant] An example needed to be made. Jerry Boy had seen enough. It was now time to go a step further. A bloodless coup d'etat. Wait, this is Jerry Jones. Nothing is ever silent. It has to be plastered on every website and newspaper in the land. You thought calling Kaepernick threatening to sue the NFL was a stroke of genius? Jerry Boy wants you to hold his escort.


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[Assistant] Try strong-arming your band of cronies and ask hissers to the point of open rebellion. Roger Goodell is being extended by the league in a showing of confidence. What the hell has he done for Jerry and the rest of the owners besides filling their vaults with shitloads of cash? This man is killing the league and worst of all, he crossed Mr. Jones.


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[Assistant] It's time to filibuster like good old Strom Thurmond. We need to hold up this contract for the Ginger Hammer. Let's say stomping our feet and whining for six more months should be good enough to get his way. In fact, if the NFL doesn't cater to Jerry Boy's demands, he'll sue the league. Because if there's a way to get your point across while maintaining your reputation, it's by biting the hand that feeds.


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[Assistant] If there was any sort of justice, the pouting failed to move most of the team owners. The extension of Roger Goodell was finalized. There will be five more years of inconsistent discipline and poor leadership under Goodell's fist. It's okay, Jerry. You can always get Skip Bayless to suck you off under your mahogany desk a few more times.


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[Assistant] The uneasy peace that is in place right now will soon erupt into full-scale shitslinging. Personally, I cannot wait for the laughter that will ensue from a bunch of rich old men wheezing and sparring via the media. It will be a glorious sight.


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[Assistant] Extreme situations call for extreme measures. Daddy Steve will not tolerate a loser on the field.


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[Assistant] Like old desperate men who'll throw money at the problem until it's cured. No expense spent. Justin Verlander thrown all of the money. Kodai Senga thrown ghost balls full of money. Every key player re-signed long-term. Except for Jacob LeBron.


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[Assistant] The push for a World Series will be as juiced as a baseball from 2020.


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[Assistant] 300 million dollars can buy you a lot of things, but it apparently can't get you consistency. The orange and blue are the colors of your nutsack as it's repeatedly kicked. Every hope and dream you ever had will collapse into a million pieces.


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[Assistant] Out of the rubble, the only thing left standing are your enemies. Lometz never dies. It merely mutates into a different form.


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[Assistant] Pitchers that can't pitch. Hitters that can't hit. You'll never escape those awful tunes. Juneteenth is a day of liberation. And it also symbolizes liberation from Mets baseball. Butchered and hacked up like Buck Showalter making a lineup card. Look at all the options he has to choose from.


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[Assistant] Starling Marte! You suck! Jen Vogelbach! Eduardo Escobar!


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[Assistant] Oh, baby, can you smell the disaster cooking in Queens? The toxic smug that engulfed New York was orange for a reason, you know. Mutz Mania will break your spirit faster than Vince Goldman broke his ability to give a fuck. The most painful season since 1992 in more ways than one. Lol Metz always finds a way to destroy you.


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[Assistant] The Cohen tax wasn't about money. It was about routine humiliation. Steve's calling everyone his daddy tonight. Everything burns, especially that wonderful government grain. You think the prospects are gonna save you? The same shit was said when Alonzo and McNeil came up.


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[Assistant] Para Canoe emerged in 2009 through an initiative by the International Canoe Federation to allow people with an impairment to participate in the sport.


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[Assistant] Athletes in kayaks must complete a straight 200 meter course across calm waters in the fastest possible time.


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[Assistant] Athletes line up at the start and race over a 200 meter course after the electronic start gate system is released. The winner is the athlete who covers the distance quickest. The kayaks are up to 5.2 meters long with a minimum width of 50 centimeters and weigh at least 12 kilograms.


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[Assistant] Kayaks are a single-seated boat which the forward-facing athlete propels down the course. The athlete uses a double-bladed paddle that is pulled down the side of the kayak on alternate sides to create a balanced forward motion.


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[Assistant] Athletes accrue classification points according to their ability to move their legs and torso and based on on-water evaluation. The higher the number of points, the less severe the athlete's limitations are.


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[Assistant] Athletes are separated into three classes, KL1 up to three points, KL2 four to seven points, and KL3 eight or nine points.


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[Assistant] Officials both on and off the water ensure that the race meets with international standards.


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[Assistant] Brian Smith and the Coyotes are just a few signatures away from the team moving from Arizona to Utah. A relocation is becoming more and more real for Coyotes fans. The announcement to bring the NHL to Utah is expected next week.


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[Assistant] The attack line, two meters from the net, creates a front zone and a back zone. Only the three players in the front zone may block.


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[Assistant] A defensive specialist called a libero wears a different colour shirt and plays in the backcourt.


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[Assistant] Player positions are determined by the location of their buttocks, which must always be in contact with the court when playing the ball, except in extreme defensive situations when a brief loss of contact is permitted.


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[Assistant] Teams have up to 12 players with 6 on court at any one time.


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[Assistant] All players have to have an eligible impairment. Athletes, maybe amputees, or have loss of muscular strength or flexibility in a joint.


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[Assistant] And being unable to stand is not a requirement for playing sitting volleyball.


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[Assistant] Matches are the best of five sets. The first team to win three sets wins.


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[Assistant] Play begins with the serve which must first bounce on your side of the net, clear the net, and then bounce on the opponent's court.


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[Assistant] Defensive shots include the lob, one of the most impressive moves. Players tend to use backspin. They propel the ball in the air only to land on the table with great amounts of spin and as close to the net as possible.


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[Assistant] In Paralympic table tennis, athletes compete in 11 classes. Classes 1 to 5 are for athletes who compete sitting and are subdivided according to sitting balance and hand function.


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[Assistant] Classes 6 to 10 are for players who compete standing and are subdivided according to standing balance. The lower the number, the greater the impact of the impairment on the sport. Class 11 is for athletes with an intellectual impairment.


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[Assistant] Each match is the best of five games and each of those games is first to eleven. But you have to win by two clear points. There are both singles and team events.


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[Assistant] In the singles, there's a round robin group stage, followed by knockout rounds. The team event is a straight knockout tournament. Long rallies are common in this explosive game, where the ability to read the spin of the ball is crucial.


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[Assistant] The speed alert determines the fastest player in every game, simultaneously noting whether it's a personal or team best, or even a league record. In this instance, Dortmund's Erling Haaland accelerates to over 35kmh on his way to making it 3-0 against Gladbach. That's almost 10m a second.


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[Assistant] But you need pace at the back as well as up front, and Alfonso Davies is best in class, the Bundesliga's fastest player on record. He even topped 36km an hour last season, along with Leverkusen duo Moussa Diaby and Leon Bailey. Full throttle Bundesliga, now diligently documented thanks to AWS.


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[Assistant] I'm good, uh, you know, just hanging in there, you know, learning life as a single guy in his forties. So just, uh, plodding along.


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[Assistant] Yeah, trust me, the process is punishment enough, I'll tell you that. That's fair.


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[Assistant] I think, you know what, I have a punishment for myself, but I don't wanna, I don't wanna say it, but like, if, if somehow I win, I will show the five pictures that I chose for my online dating profile, and you can just roast them.


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[Assistant] I can start off, so the Giants are a mirror off.


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[Assistant] Now, I guess, what, Tom, you're streaming the, uh, schedule, right? So it will be interesting for your audience to see whether these leaks are accurate, which I think they are, but the giant schedule is already out there and they are doing the worst job ever of keeping this a secret.


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[Assistant] Week one, Scooter, you and I, our teams are battling. WHY?!


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[Assistant] And the other thing is, is like for me, and I hate saying this to you Scooter, like usually when the Giants start off against the Cowboys week one, that's like an L for us. Like we don't show up, we, we, we get, I don't know what happens, like I don't think we've beaten y'all in week one in 10 years.


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[Assistant] Dang, they got spreadsheets and everything just leaked. Leaked.


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[Assistant] What your record is gonna be. Scooter, are you going with 15 and 2 this year for the Cowboys? Is that, is that gonna be your, uh,


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[Assistant] Can I give a time range? Can I say within the next 10 years? Okay, 2033. I'll say the 10th year, 2033.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The interest here and the logistics and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


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[Assistant] South Africa for sure. They have, I mean, they're ready to go. They have all those stadiums from the World Cup.


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[Assistant] Wow. Okay, you don't think Goodell's gonna bow to Chinese interests.


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[Assistant] And then we come upon this oasis of the schedule release. It's like a cup of water, like, but we're still thirsty, right? Like we're just desperate for anything to talk about. And we take our sip.


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[Assistant] Doing videos on presidents as college football coaches. Like I need the NFL to come back.


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[Assistant] When it's a hockey interm over to the base, the ba is when it's uh halftime if baseball is on, you kn already lost today. So yo have to worry about that. watching them lose tonig


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to watch football on that Friday.


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[Assistant] I would schedule the commanders for 17 games against the Giants. Like, I would do that. Sam Howell, 17 weeks in a row. That'd be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I told you I was 5'11", you would not question that, right? You've seen me in real life. You don't think I'm short.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, that's fine, whatever. I think I can do it browser-based, like, whatever. Oh, you better! Yes, here we go.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm actually doing a video on Rare.


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[Assistant] Uhm, NFL statistical events. Things that just don't happen.


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[Assistant] The Jacksonville Jaguars have never had a tie game. Really? Okay. In their entire history. But there's one team that has played twice as many games and has none. Anyways, you'll have to watch to find out.


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[Assistant] Tom, when do you find out if you won fan of the year?


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[Assistant] Make, have a tuxedo, the Dumb and Dumber tuxedo, but in Green Bay Packers color.


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[Assistant] But the, like the tuxedo shirt, but painted on. It's taste, it's peaceful though.


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[Assistant] Right, right. And then I'm gonna turn up and it's gonna- So did I ever tell you the reverse catfish story?


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[Assistant] I was like, did you see my age? And she was like, yeah, I've dated older guys. I was like, oh, okay. So you're not real.


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[Assistant] And her picture is like it was, oh, here's Scooter coming in, all late. Scooter, did you make your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, going to the, uh, he's, he's the NFL fan of the year nominee. Brandon's killing it. Tree is always Tree. Scooter's doing interviews with Mina Kimes. And I'm going on first dates wearing Brandon Purnas' shirt. If you get Purnas' shirt.


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[Assistant] So it was, the girl was Asian, and like her picture, you know how if you're on a dating site, there's a lot of fake girls that use one very, one specific Asian girl's pictures? Like it's always the same. And I, if you just, if you're on a lot, you would know. Yeah, I would.


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[Assistant] And I'm like, I'm like, let's go for drinks on a Monday with a 20.


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[Assistant] Brilliant idea, right? And I'm fully expecting it to be one of my boys. Like I think it's a prank, right?


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[Assistant] So I, it's like mid-May, all I wear is a t-shirt and some dad shorts and I just show up expecting this to be a catfish, expecting this to be a joke.


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[Assistant] Right. That is universal. I couldn't change my face. I couldn't change my outfit. I'm not an attractive man. So, but the date goes really well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We end up making out at the, like, as soon as I sat down, she's like, oh, you have a cute smile. I was like touching butts.


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[Assistant] She goes down, she like disappears for a couple minutes, comes back and goes, I just vomited. Uh, I need to go home. I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's call you a Lyft. She was so hammered she couldn't even unlock her phone to meet the Lyft driver. And I was like, look, I haven't, you know, I've had way, you know,


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[Assistant] I've got to get you home. Like that is my, you're now my responsibility. I finally get her in the car. We get another minute down the road. Pull over again. Vomits all over the freaking street. Finally get her home.


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[Assistant] No, that, that had already happened. That, that had happened at the bar. I'm so, I'm like, I have to...


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[Assistant] From the time that we've left to the time we get to our house because of the vomiting.


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[Assistant] I'm like, hey, look, I'm not trying to co- like, I'm a gentleman, I'm not trying to do anything because the last thing I wanted to do was make out with a girl that's, that's projectile-vomited like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I was like, I have to pee.


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[Assistant] And I parked in the middle of the street to be like, hey, I'm not trying to stay here. I just need to go. I go up to her place and the time that it takes me to pee, she's like completely changed in her nightie, in her outfit. And I was like, oh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm, I'm, we're not doing anything. She's, I was like, hey, had a great time. You're, you're great. Whatever. She...


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[Assistant] And that's, that was my worst-aid story so far.


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[Assistant] You know, those type of decisions, you've seen the scooter, those type of boneheaded things, like you, you know, practice doesn't make


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[Assistant] Perfect. It makes permanent. Those are the type of habits that McCarthy has that show up in the playoff. You guys have to watch that. Like if I'm a Cowboys fan, I am nervous because that is going to resurface at the worst time possible.


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[Assistant] It, it has a microchip in it and it can measure spin rate and things like that. Would you want it? Like I don't, I can send it to you.


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[Assistant] I bought it and I've never even opened it. It's like $99. I'll take it. Okay. We'll talk after the show.


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[Assistant] This was a great because it was another week where the Giants stepped closer to the NFL draft. That was what we accomplished. We are not a good team.


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[Assistant] Okay, we're gonna lose to the Packers, we're gonna lose to, uh, we got the Eagles twice, okay? And then the Rams that are playing better, right? The only winnable game really is the Saints. This team is tanking like an M1 Abrams. We are not beating the Eagles.


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[Assistant] Okay, we're not beating, you're not. Tommy DeVito is just, he's enjoying his Linsanity run right now. Reality is coming for him when he gets sacked for the 86th time against the Eagles on January 7th and Christmas.


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[Assistant] My stomach will literally hurt from laughing at that. Like why would the Giants beat the Packers? Go ahead.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that, whoever that poster was, like I saw that video of how him and Kafka and Wink Martindale are getting testy with each other. Like you don't hire assistants that you don't like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you're a reporter and you need clicks and your team's losing, like that's what you do. You just drum some stuff up. Like I don't really care. Like we're losing. That's painful enough. I don't really care about their dynamic. Okay.


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[Assistant] I would pull an Urban Meyer on that for sure. I would kick my players. I would just kick them and then be like give me 40 million.


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[Assistant] If the Niners are going to play like that in January, no one can beat them. Like they're just, they're that much more effective.


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[Assistant] If they, if they head into the postseason playing like that, forget about it.


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[Assistant] A visual sleeping aid tonight. Like I am gonna take an edible and just pass out on my couch.


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[Assistant] I would love for Tom to have to put on, because Detroit fans did this, he would have to do a Detroit themed body paint tuxedo.


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[Assistant] You would have to body paint your body, no nipples, in Detroit colors, and you would have to have it painted. Like, y'all made me frickin' wear blue makeup, you should have to have someone draw a body paint tuxedo in Detroit colors.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what you could do is order them and then bring them down to like, uh, uh, a donation place, like just...


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[Assistant] I might have my best video of the year. I have a video on why.


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[Assistant] The NFL ball does not have stripes. And there's also a dark secret inside of the NFL football that nobody knows. So, it's gonna be good. It's coming out tomorrow afternoon.


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[Assistant] And uh, do not Google the answer, but uh, it's, it's going to be good.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna do a panther so bad video and just have Will copy and paste your, uhm, word.


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[Assistant] Can someone restart this stream? Like redo the intro? I have to finish the story, okay?


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[Assistant] Welcome to Clickbait Sports. This is a show where we talk about sports.


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[Assistant] At St. John Fisher College in Pittsburgh, New York, McDermott's morning address began innocently enough. He told the entire team they needed to come together. But then, sources on set, on hand say, he used a strange model. The terrorist on September 11, 2001.


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[Assistant] What do you guys actually think about this Cowboys vs Seahawks game? Uh, were you watching it? And did you think that the Cowboys were going to throw this game at the end? Cause it was looking like we could have lost this game.


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[Assistant] But on the other hand though, five, if we end up catching that slant and go for a touchdown, everyone's praising McCarthy as the best play caller. It just didn't, just didn't happen to work out.


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[Assistant] So, the Steelers looking more on the downside of things, but looking on the upside of things, we're gonna go to the Packers who had a win over the Kansas City Chiefs. Uh, direct reaction to this, Tom.


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[Assistant] If you averaged the amount of hatred towards Jordan Love in the beginning of the season.


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[Assistant] With the amount of positivity that he's receiving now, which one wins out, would you say?


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[Assistant] Oh snap. Alright, let's preview this Packers Giants game. Uh, five.


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[Assistant] Can you cut players and then like, could we potentially sign Zeke if they cut him for the playoff?


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[Assistant] Cowboys fans did warn Chargers fans about Kellen Moore and no one wanted to listen to him. We tried to tell them.


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[Assistant] I wasn't nervous the last time we played them. I think we should have won that time, uh, should have won the game we played last time and now getting them at home.


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[Assistant] It's just the 49ers. So now if the Eagles come in and do that at home.


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[Assistant] So it's all gonna depend on the momentum that we have going in. I do believe in momentum. I do believe that is a thing. And so, if we're playing great football,


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[Assistant] If we have to go and travel to them again, I think Mike McCarthy is gonna make some adjustments, adjustments, and I think we played them before we even, uh, changed our offense the first time. So, I think it'll be a different game just based off of that. Or, what is going on? It's Perna.


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[Assistant] I am on the MenaKimes YouTube show. I'm the first guest on the show. So that's topping tomorrow.


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[Assistant] TDG, Thomas Daniel Grossi. The rest of you...


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[Assistant] Do I agree with it? I actually do agree with this because I think we're close. And if you look at what happened in that game, to me, Mike McCarthy played scared.


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[Assistant] Dan Quinn played scared. We just reverted to what we were doing in the 49ers game and we got blown out because of it. We've never played zone before like that in the past eight games. What are we doing?


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[Assistant] But for y'all to sit around here and try and clown me when your teams are garbage, you're the giants. I know five isn't saying a singular thing to me.


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[Assistant] We'll be, uh, you said we're bringing in all these stars earlier, tree. That's not the case at all. We have not done what the...


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[Assistant] A big splash. I think he's going to push all his chips in. This is the last season for Mike McCarthy to get it done. And I think we're going to see something positive come out of something very negative. That's all I have to say.


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[Assistant] Uh, Tom, I'm actually rooting for you guys to beat the 49ers and then get destroyed in the NFC Championship game. So go pack go for the NFC, uh, for the 49ers game. But, uh, it is what it is at this point. We got dog walk in AT&T Stadium. We'll be back though. It's not like the NFC is strong.


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[Assistant] Our competition might be the 49ers still, and they're gonna have to pay some people soon. Go ahead.


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[Assistant] It's the cheese. They're like, obviously you guys are eating super powered cheese from Wisconsin. I have no idea why we can't beat the pack. I really don't. It could be a mental thing.


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[Assistant] I have no idea, but if you look at that game, he played so out of character.


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[Assistant] Exactly. We literally played like the 49ers game. We did not play how we've been playing all season. I think that's why we lost.


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[Assistant] We are one of the top teams during the regular season. It's just we gotta figure out the postseason. That's why they're coming back. If we were to blow it up, if Dak didn't have a no trade clause and we were gonna say, alright, let's start over, Mike McCarthy wouldn't be here. But this is the last ditch effort.


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[Assistant] We're bringing everyone back and we're going to see can we get it done in the postseason next year. That's why he's coming back.


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[Assistant] I just don't understand if you take a look at that game, and if you look at how the Cowboys traditionally played during the season, we had pre-snap motion, right? That's when we were playing the best. When we played the 49ers, no motion. When we played the Packers, no pre-snap motion.


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[Assistant] So it's just like we default to some garbage team that is, doesn't look like the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. And I don't know why. So if we just play how we play like in the regular season, we'll be fine.


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[Assistant] Mike McCarthy, a good equivalent might be Brian Kelly in college football. Just has never won, I guess not true because he has won a Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] But like, recent, this man just resembles someone who's, you know, LSU went nine and three. Nine and three.


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[Assistant] But just never gets it done. Like, Jim Harbaugh type situation. Yeah, he won one, but before Jim Harbaugh won that one championship.


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[Assistant] It made me feel better because they were talking elite trash on the cowboys.


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[Assistant] Because Alice is, our linebacker core has been decimated for a long time and we did not make the necessary changes. We had an opportunity to address this, we didn't. We've been playing our safeties a lot as linebackers. You look at like a Marquise bow. This man's my


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[Assistant] My height, my weight. This is a linebacker who's playing. Uhm, and Vander Esch went down.


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[Assistant] And so, we just did not address the linebacker, linebacking situation, which is why Aaron Jones was able to easily run us over. You look at multiple plays, our linebackers are not where they should be. We have J. Ron Curse, safety, a lot of the times playing in the linebacker position.


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[Assistant] I think that's something we'll target in the offseason and I think that's something we would have done differently given the opportunity.


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[Assistant] I will say this, the players feel like they let Mike McCarthy down as well. Like if you look at the Eagles.


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[Assistant] We failed him. You look at Nick Sirianni, uh, some of the rumors I've been hearing, these players are not for this man as much. They have been chirping that they should have gotten a new offensive forward. A lot of the players have been saying that they weren't happy with how


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They weren't taking shots over the middle of the field and they were just going for home run balls all the time, so.


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[Assistant] I think you have to take into account what some of the former players have said.


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[Assistant] Uh, when it comes to the culture of the Dallas Cowboys, uh, like,


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[Assistant] I think it was Marcus Spears who was saying that, I don't know if it was Marcus Spears, but he was saying that some former player was saying that whoever's coaching the Cowboys comes in with a disadvantage because you always have to deal with Jerry Jones and you have that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lingering in the back of your head at all times.


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[Assistant] No matter what you do, you always are going to have that feeling.


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[Assistant] Of the pressure of being America's team, the pressure of Jerry Jones behind you. And so I think it's more of that.


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[Assistant] Then like player personnel, because player personnel, apart from this last draft, we have hit a lot on our picks.


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[Assistant] Micah, Tyron Smith, Zack Martin. That's all Will McClay is doing right there. So.


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[Assistant] No, that's what I'm saying. That, as opposed to him being involved.


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[Assistant] This is the first, he's the first pre-fire coach there is. So again, it's do or die.


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[Assistant] So you're not going to want to count that against the cap for this year. You're going to have to extend him. And again, he has all the leverage. He has no trade calls.


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[Assistant] Who would be a lot of Cowboys players that said, I'm done with Dak, I'm done with McCarthy. Okay, you're done with that. Who are you going to bring in if you're done with Dak?


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[Assistant] What's your game plan? No, we don't want, we don't want Russell. Who needs a Russell Wilson? Don't understand what they're talking about. Okay, what are we gonna do if we get rid of Dax?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's on the books for 60 million dollars, and he has a no-trade card. What are we gonna do? Uh, are we gonna draft a quarterback?


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[Assistant] That was wild. I'm actually more...


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[Assistant] Not more shocked, but I'm still shocked that the Texans advanced in their game.


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[Assistant] Just because I hate the 49ers more than I hate the Packers. Respect.


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[Assistant] I don't know why I, I don't even know how I ended up in this weird beef with a Detroit.


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[Assistant] The Detroit Lions over here posting a tweet talking about how they're eligible for the divisional round. You know how long ago that game was? This was three weeks ago. Why are you talking about the Cowboys still? So I say...


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[Assistant] All I'm saying is, be ready, Taylor Dick.


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[Assistant] Cause there's one thing you can't do. You cannot troll a troll. He's already lost by engaging with you. He's already lost. Look at how many likes I received.


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[Assistant] Hometown team, don't let me down. Come through, Baker!


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[Assistant] Any team, I think any team we play, save the Eagles, would have resulted in a similar foolish result. Because we were just not prepared, we looked out of our element. So I don't even think it would have mattered how we played the Rams, how we played, uh,


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[Assistant] Any other team on the road playing the Bucks on the road? No, because we were just that under prepared and that shell shot. So I don't really think I'm not putting too much into that narrative.


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[Assistant] I'm starting my skits on my YouTube channel. The first skit, I think we're trying to make a horror


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[Assistant] That's even worse than BDSM material.


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[Assistant] That looks like it fits. I mean those are some nice perky boobies, Tom.


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[Assistant] Well, that more deal in a trade. That's what's going to happen because he has that horrible contract to try and prove common Kingsbury, right? They had no choice.


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[Assistant] And here's the problem I is not a bad quarterback. look at what happened aga year. He stole that game. I just call, I just thi the film study issue that considering on the sourc that's the issue you have


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[Assistant] No, my mid-season MVP, Daniel Jones. Because if you have the definition of mid, Daniel Jones' picture is the example.


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[Assistant] I mean, for her character, those legs were days, maybe.


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[Assistant] Here's the problem I have with Caleb Williams though. They mention the same thing about Patrick Mahomes. Oh, if they drafted Patrick Mahomes, they'd be fine. No, they would have ruined Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes was going to be running for his life in that draft. Yeah. If we're talking about Patrick Mahomes, he's a bust up there with the likes of Achille Smith and


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[Assistant] Like, DeMarcus Russell just because of the Bears system. You throw Caleb Williams in there, oh great, he's Patrick Mahomes. What else does he have? He's had a lot of iffy games these past few weeks. Sure. And he's got a lot to work on.


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[Assistant] Uh, I will say this, Dan like he's kind of lost in I feel like he's taking w in the back zone. I think quarterback than Tyrod a problem is I feel like


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[Assistant] I know they're making a lot of excuses for him, but this was supposed to be the year where he would put up or shut up. I mean, last year he didn't really throw deep. He was benefiting from Saekwon, and without Saekwon, there's just nothing in the giant system, so.


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[Assistant] You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. If we're being completely honest here, the only reason why you'd start Daniel Jones is he's making $40 million trying to prove something right. That's it. So they'll probably end up starting Daniel just for that reason. Sure.


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[Assistant] They got torched by Justin Fields and the Bears. That's all that needs to be said. They would be 2 and 4, 2 and 5 if not for the fact that Desmond Ritter could throw a football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Baker Mayfield, is Baker Mayfield playing or is he out? He's playing, he is playing. He is playing? Okay. Who's the- Oh, Kyle Trask, that's right.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna say, I'm gonna be quite frank, I think the Buccaneers win this one. Their defense is strong and Baker Mayfield's been known to pull magic out of his ass and the Bills defense has not been good. Their DVOA is 28 since they've had those injuries the last couple of weeks, so.


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[Assistant] I mean, as bad as they were last week against Atlanta's defense, Atlanta's defense is a lot stronger than Buffalo's right now. So I think Tampa takes it.


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[Assistant] Oh don't worry, he'll have an excuse like saying like his, uh, his third bathroom is springing a leak and he needs to change the, uh, the plunge.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I just saw it, it's like, it's the weirdest thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's, uh, I... Yeah, we're all just lost. I was the same way. I'm like, what is happening?


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[Assistant] I've got haters guide to the World Series coming out tomorrow.


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[Assistant] Uh, alright, so that's a longer story, but I'll shorten it up a lot. So...


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[Assistant] Basically, I was made of wear, so Fan of the Year has been around for at least the past couple of years. Because there's like 20-21 winners, 20-22.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, I think someone from Atlanta won like two years ago. I personally didn't know.


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[Assistant] About it. Like, it just wasn't like on my radar, I didn't know. So after 30 and 30, I was doing some streams, I think it was probably just Friday night Q&As, and they started, like, I think a fan or two, like, donated and did a super chat and was like, something about fan of the year. And I was like, oh, I don't even know what that is. And I looked it up and I was like, oh, like, yeah, that'd be cool, but okay. And then I moved on with my happy life.


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[Assistant] Yeah, what? Solo time. Solo except Brandon. I mean, I could, but I can't reach. Okay, there we go. I soloed myself. Uh huh. Ayy. Crush that Dave. I'm walked out again. Let's go. Game probably won't be well. Alright, someone else gets Super Chat said. Anyway.


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[Assistant] I got the phone call a few weeks ago from the Packers. I missed the phone call originally because I keep my phone on silent because I don't want to get phone calls and eventually call them back. We play phone tag for a hot second.


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[Assistant] And they called and basically said that there were a ton of people who nominated me to be the Packers fan of the year. They read, appreciate your ride guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I already got invited to an event for St. Jude because they have a huge charity dinner where they're actually, uh, honoring Tony Romo. It's like the Pat Summerall award.


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[Assistant] And so because of what I do at St. Jude, they invited me to go to that.


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[Assistant] Which is in Vegas that same week, obviously. So yeaah, so that's, that's pretty incredible.


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[Assistant] And then they told me and they're like, all right, you need to go get a photo shoot done and all that stuff. That's why it was like the white background and all that great stuff.


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[Assistant] So did that, got the photoshoot done, wrote a little bio, uh, and sent it to them, and then they put it out on Tuesday. It was just a tweet, but they put it out on Tuesday. And yeah, like the-


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[Assistant] Yes. But yea, so it's cool too because two of the guys that


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[Assistant] Uh, also got nominated for fan of the year is Dell from Buffalo from the Bills who runs 26 shirts and I had 26 shirts create the shirts for 30 and 30. So that's pretty damn cool. And then for the bangles, it's Tony the tiger who I also met during 30 and 30 as well. So like, that's just really awesome too. And so basically voting open today.


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[Assistant] I have to answer like a questionnaire for them, but voting open today, so you can vote, that is like 10% of the vote, and then the winner gets like a trophy at the NFL honors.


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[Assistant] I went, the funny, cause like I couldn't tell anybody, like they were just like, you can't tell anybody. And I was like, okay. And it was funny cause other fans totally did. Like they just went online and were just like, yeah, I'm like a fan of the year for whatever team, which was funny.


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[Assistant] But I called Perna and I told Perna and he was just like, yeah, you're going to win. And I was like, so like that was, it was cool. It's a really cool moment. Um, you know, I've loved this team since I was six. So for 27 years, I've been a fan. So.


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[Assistant] To kind of be able to represent the Packers a bit is, uh, it's pretty damn cool. Yeah, you want it.


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[Assistant] I'd say that it's a game of interest, Scooter. It's a game of interest.


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[Assistant] I want you to go goal line too, GameVentures.


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[Assistant] All these primetime games are so bad this weekend. They're so, so bad.


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[Assistant] But listen, I like Josh Dobbs. I obviously hate the Vikings because their purple incarnation is Satan. But I will say, like, it's so easy to root for Dobbs.


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[Assistant] Right, he has just such an awesome story, and when he gets traded from the Browns, then goes to the Cardinals, beats the Cowboys, which is kinda like a big thing, and kinda keeps them...


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[Assistant] Nah, I always like Josh Dobbs. I just hope the Vikings don't do well. That's all.


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[Assistant] Maybe, I'm going week to week. I got no idea. I don't think it's gonna go well, but I'm hoping every single week. Cause listen, we scored a touchdown in the first half, so.


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[Assistant] And like, Tomlin spoke up for like, cause he was asked at my press conference, he was like, you know, what about Kenny Pickett's fours in quarters one through three? He's like, buddy, I haven't seen him in the fourth quarter. So like legit, this may be a zero zero game until the fourth quarter and then both teams will show up and it'll be disgusting. Be a little more optimistic.


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[Assistant] Well, we gave the ball to Aaron Jones and we won.


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[Assistant] And then when we don't give the ball to Aaron Jones, we usually don't win. But legit, like we actually established a ground game, like even Dylan looked good, uhm, on top of that.


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[Assistant] The Jordan Love plate, like, he didn't make any mistakes, so that's always nice, uh, maybe turn the ball over. And then the defense played really, really well. It is against Brett Rippon, who also, right after that game, got kicked off the Rams, so.


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[Assistant] You know, that, but the defense like played pretty darn well. Uh, Valentine, who was a seventh round pick came in, like he played really nice at the preseason and then like struggled a little bit in the beginning, but had a really nice game.


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[Assistant] Uh, so like, yeaah, I mean, is there a lot to evaluate? There's not a ton, but I think at the end of the day,


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[Assistant] Puka, Puka did nothing, like, Cooper Cup did nothing, so it obviously was a quarterback problem. They also had no run game either.


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[Assistant] I'm sure it would have been a much closer game if that was the case, but yeaah.


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[Assistant] I got the Panthers winning because Justin Fields is not playing, so I got.


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[Assistant] If, if the Bears wanna win, they need to run the ball. Like, they're one of the best teams actually running the ball and their run defense is good. Uhm, and the funny thing is for the Panthers defense, their pass defense is pretty solid. So uhm, yeaah, I think this is probably just gonna be an ugly, ugly game. Like, but it'll be a nice test for like Bryce Young. It will be. You know, the Bears defense has gotten better when they got a few pieces back, so. It might be like this.


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[Assistant] I think with that team, it's almost impossible to evaluate him. Like you see like some progress and you're like, oh, okay, like that's what you'd like to see. But dude, the O-line is bad. The wide receivers are not good. You know, they, they need.


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[Assistant] They need to draft Talon or bring someone in pre-agency because, uh, that's the only reason.


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[Assistant] No, that's what I was saying, but Bronco's Cult was such a desa- like, everyone was fumbling the ball. Like, it was funny how bad it was. It was ugly. It could at least provide entertainment. Before you know it, Bronco was just damn horny. Like, it was just... it was horny.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, Panthers get the win, like, 21 to 13.


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[Assistant] 5 is muted. There we go. So I've got to mute your mic.


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[Assistant] Uh, I got three hundred and sixteen, nevermind, three hundred and twenty-one dollars in ninety-five cents.


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[Assistant] But that's a punishment all itself. I know, I'm just punishing myself with that though.


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[Assistant] You know what? Here we go. How about this? If the Steelers win on Sunday against the Packers, I will whip out the terrible towel that I have from Pittsburgh, and Tree and I will do a little, and I'll get meme to death. So, is that? Yea. It's gotta be clipped for social media. I was gonna make you do that anyway.


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[Assistant] Even then they gave them a bunch of chances to try and win.


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[Assistant] And the sad part is, I'm just going to say it out loud and I don't be offended, Scooter. He might not be the best quarterback in his state. That might be CJ Stroud.


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[Assistant] And both teams are completely battered. Have you seen how injured Carolina's defense is? No Shaq Thompson. No J.C. Horn. Brian Burns is out. C.J. Henderson's out. They're down to


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[Assistant] And the Bears, they're going to be without fields again. They're without a few of their quarterbacks. A few defenders as well, I believe. I don't know if Tremaine Edmonds is playing. I think there are going to be a few guys down there as well. So this is going to be a fantastically ugly game. Bring out the liquor. Al Michaels is, uh, ooh. It's going to be fun.


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[Assistant] But, uh, uh, yeah, uh, Tom, I'm so sorry. And actually me and five are going to be screaming it on dumpster fire because it's such a spectacular just wreck that we have to broadcast it. It's super tankful.


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[Assistant] My question is, with his contract, they're gonna be eating so much debt cap, it might not be worth the trade.


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[Assistant] And the year after is a more manageable 33.


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[Assistant] Never underestimate how bad Atlanta can be. They are a frustrating team and I just, it's just, it's just mind numbing whenever I have to watch them. It's, it's, it's God kill me.


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[Assistant] And then they suddenly go three and out for the next three or four drives.


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[Assistant] That's the Steeler way. But, uh, most of the time, I feel Tennessee tried, for the most part. Will Avis looked interesting. He looks like he's got promise. He needs to hammer out a few things. But for the most part, I felt like he corralled the offense well. I think he is a better option than Ryan Tennahill. So it's a good thing that he is the permanent starter now because you need to see what he has and see if he develops.


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[Assistant] Uh, for the most part though, uh, Tennessee is still obviously a team in flux. They're still trying to rebuild. They couldn't really pull away from the Steelers, even though they had the lead for the most part. Their only real touchdown drive was on the back of, uh, some blown coverages by the Steelers and Derek Henry Rumblin. Uhm, the problem with Kenny Pickett, he'll look like dog water for 80, 85% of the game. And I will sit there and I will think, dude, really?


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[Assistant] Really? Like where was this a pit? And then...


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[Assistant] Steelers won again. It was probably, sadly, it was probably their most convincing win of the year, even though it was a last minute drive that they tried to hand.


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[Assistant] anything unfollow they a nearly had a touchdown, bu was he couldn't keep both that was more on pickin of space, but he didn't w


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[Assistant] I, it varies. I know the it. But once again, Tomlin a lot with his star playe a lot with Antonio Brown 2018. He likes to just let don't really do anything, m


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[Assistant] Uh, Chooksukura for the right tackle, uh, went on now first and they benched him, so.


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[Assistant] I mean, Pickens does have a lot of talent and that was his issue coming out of college, was a lot of potential like, uh, red flags in terms of like, like up here.


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[Assistant] So that's the main thing that worries me too. I mean, is this the beginning? I don't think it is. I think they'll try to get more involved in the game. I think he's a fantastic talent. But at the same time, I believe that, uhm,


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[Assistant] Yeah, touch and go. I'm hoping there will be no days of our Steelers. You don't have the personality.


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[Assistant] He's at doubtful, but he's out. He has like a 51% chance. Like I was supposed to do like a whole word salad thing. I don't know if the thumb's even healing or like.


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[Assistant] Reducing, so if the thumb doesn't heal, he needs surgery, he's out for the year. Cause that's throwing hands.


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[Assistant] We're non-throwing-handy play, but the problem is like...


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[Assistant] I think it's going to be a messy game. Panthers are without a bunch of weapons on defense, including Brian Burns and TJ Henderson. Bears are without a lot of offense. Bears offense is iffy. Tyson Bajon has shown flashes, but he does force a lot of football. So I mean, jury's still out and him does show some promise.


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[Assistant] Uh, Bryce Young, he looked awful against Indianapolis. Like he was just, he's overthinking things, but that just happens with most rookie quarterbacks with that transition. And his two pick sixes to Kenny Moore were off screens, which is really alarming.


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[Assistant] I keep thinking the Panthers went on a walk-off field goal. It's going to be something really bad, like 10-9. Like, a-bad.


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[Assistant] Uh, 5195, so I did not win. Thank the Lord, hallelujah. Hey, good. Adam's muted.


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[Assistant] And also more than both teams are going to score in a single.


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[Assistant] I think your punishment would just have to be watching the Bears and Panthers game with excitement.


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[Assistant] In my NFL, you're allowed to hit quarterbacks. No, you should just have a giant, uh, just letters that say FTP.


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[Assistant] You do realize he has alopecia, right? I do, I do.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but, uh, then, uh, on Sunday, me and Tom Grosse, we will be joining streams and we will be doing the Steelers Packers games together and this man will be waving the towel. One strong yellow stream.


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[Assistant] That's fair, that's fair. Let's transition to the Steelers.


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[Assistant] Alright, and lastly, this leads us to the late night game of Sunday. Your America's Team Dallas Cowboys taking on the New York Giants. This was a 40 to 0 game.


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[Assistant] The Cowboys defense is for real. The offense is still TBD. We'll see what they can do. But honestly, we don't need the offense to be great. We need the offense to manage and the defense.


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[Assistant] You'll talk, you'll like this next segment on, uh, one of your former teammates, or one of your former players on the Giants, Kadarius Tony! Uh, this man is piling.


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[Assistant] This is a must win for the Vikings because they can't start 0-1-2. We just, we talked about that 0-1-2 stat. What are you guys thinking?


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[Assistant] I did not see that much. I would like to see if it does bounce back and it does get to what all this preseason hype was like.


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[Assistant] Even when you have a clean pocket, you're hearing footsteps. Your internal clock is sped up so much already. You're afraid. I don't know. It's hard to evaluate.


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[Assistant] Now to be like, hey, I've got to do this other, I've got to be a full time YouTuber full time. So then now you're going to have two full time gigs.


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[Assistant] Well, Nick Bosa is tied to this whole thing.


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[Assistant] Chris Jones' contract is not going to be negotiated without what happened to Nick Bosa. So Nick went out and got paid. Obviously Jones is going to point to that as an example of, you need to pay me. They don't even, the Niners have just blown past the salary cap.


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[Assistant] Chris Jones is smart, and his agent says anything, he's like, look, this thing is a social construct, you need to give me at least close to Nick Bosa money, if not comparable, and he will be signed soon, and he will be playing, not tonight, but obviously by the end of net, by next week, he'll be in there.


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[Assistant] Uh, lollygagging on that. Like, I think it gets done very quickly because he's the type of guy, I mean, he overpaid for Ezekiel Elliott. He's not gonna, he's not gonna play tough with Micah Parsons.


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[Assistant] Football players over 30, unless they're quarterbacks.


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[Assistant] Uh, at the height of their game, yes, like you said, tend to decline like a car driving off the lot. They are getting older. They've been...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, the Giants, you know, that we upgraded our wide receiver core. We got Hyatt, the big tall kid. Uh, we got Juan Dale coming back.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I've got injury concerns for Waller, you know, he's not always the most reliable.


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[Assistant] you've got to worry about every week because he is t the Giants drink and then a poor man's Lamar Jackson offense. That's that's the It's not a wide receiver


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[Assistant] Offense, you know, he's, he's not, he's not Josh Allen. He's not Lamar Jackson. He's somewhere in between Daniel Jones. Now he can throw a deep ball, so maybe there's a wide receiver that's productive.


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[Assistant] Uh, like a Hyatt that can just go up and get balls, but you know, Kenny Galladay was on milk cartons.


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[Assistant] Uh, no, I mean, for me, they, I mean, they design a lot of runs for Jones. They design a lot. They do have, he's an athletic fast quarterback who is going to.


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[Assistant] Right. But what is the reward for playing him if there's any doubt? Right? What is, what is, it's week one. It's Friday. There's no playoff implications tonight. It's, you know, it's, there's no benefit if he's questionable. So I don't think he plays. Kirsten says there's no way he doesn't play.


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[Assistant] Uh, I think people, a lot of people sleep on his ability as an NFL. I mean, this guy is a former number one overall pick. He got traded and discarded and sent off to, they were like, take them to Detroit. I think you're going to see some bombing tonight. Some bombing.


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[Assistant] I just want to say, yeaah, I just want to say one thing. If you go on prizepix.com and use my code five points, you can take Jared, Jared Goff at 260.5 is his projection.


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[Assistant] I have the chiefs by like five. Chiefs by five.


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[Assistant] The giants don't, we've, we've had, we've done this how many years now?


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[Assistant] It just seems like the Cowboys beat us week one because...


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[Assistant] I'm gonna be reacting, Tre and I will be reacting to the game on Sunday night on the dumpster fire. So you'll see all my salt, but I don't know, like if the Giants go out and win this game, that's gonna set the tone for the whole year. The Giants will be a playoff team.


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[Assistant] Like contender all year if they go out and beat the Cowboys week one. So we'll see, but I haven't, I haven't, I haven't believed it. I haven't seen it. It's going to be probably an ugly, ugly, nasty grind the clock out game. Um, but I say the Cowboys will probably win on some BS like a lack last second field all by three. That's my prediction. Cause I disagree.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like one of those 16-14 games and it's ugly. Really ugly.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but if the Bears lose, like all the hype is just gone out of the Bears season. All the hype that they've talked to all off season, all of that is going to disappear like that. If Green Bay destroys Chicago.


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[Assistant] The expectations on this Bears team is the most unwarranted and unjustified I have ever seen coming out of an offseason. And for Bears fans to be talking shit,


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[Assistant] Like, I just don't buy into the Bears hype for one second. They are placing all of their chips on Justin Field, just having an incrementally better season than last year. Now he was good down the stretch and he gives you a lot of pause for optimism, but he ain't done that for a whole year.


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[Assistant] Right. It's kind of like the Lions last year, right? The Lions were the previously the worst team or one of the worst teams in the NFL. And then they had a decent year last year. There was no reason for the Lions to talk smack headed into last season. Okay. Like there was no.


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[Assistant] There's no justification for that. And I just don't hear it. I don't see it for the Bears fan. Now if they go out and get 10 wins, which okay, I don't see that happening, but you know, then you can back up your talk, but I don't understand.


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[Assistant] You did that? Yeah. Should we call the ambulance?


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[Assistant] I can just do clickbait in a bear costume. No, no, this is too done. It's been done. I've had to wear a bear costume once.


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[Assistant] Good punishment, right? Yes, in a Justin Field. Okay, 1200 rushing yards from Tom Grassi in a Justin Field jersey. Now, what if the Packers win?


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[Assistant] I have the worst NFL stadiums of all time. Trying to get that out at least before kickoff.


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[Assistant] But, uh, we, we have a show, uh, everyone's salty about the Super Bowl. Uh, we have three coming on four people eventually once Tom Grosse finishes cloning himself in his secret dungeon below, but I am urinating tree below me.


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[Assistant] Lookin' fresh, brother. Ooh, yeaah.


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[Assistant] The man we know very well, the cursor with his wheel of death, Mr. Brandon Berna.


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[Assistant] In terms of death to slowly dying, how do you feel about the Chiefs being back in the Super Bowl?


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[Assistant] Considering how this year's gone, and especially the last two games, speaking of which, what happened with Baltimore on Sunday? That was, that was not pretty. No. Did that game, those games feel like?


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[Assistant] We could do that. We could talk about some of the new coaches too. We could talk about going to Washington, Mike McDonald going to Seattle, a couple other coaches going as well. But for the most part, I feel more importantly, I think Baltimore had a golden opportunity and they screwed it. I really think they did.


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[Assistant] Everyone hates the Chiefs right now, but if you think about it, five years ago, they were the media underdog. They were, had decades of failure. And I mean, failure.


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[Assistant] Abound, like Andy Reid was a choker, Patrick Mahomes was like still in infancy, the Patriots were still at the top of their game, and I mean,


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[Assistant] That was the same thing that happened with Boston back in the day. I mean, it's just the cycle of life. You go from the hero to seeing yourself become the villain over time. And I think that's what happens with the Chiefs. Not to mention the Chiefs were looking very mortal at the end of the year, especially with a lot of the receivers dropping balls. Guderius Tony has not been around. MBS has found hands. And Travis Kelsey is a beast.


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[Assistant] And that's why the chiefs I mean, they crushed the b the ravens hearts. Uh, t dead by the moment they fr


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[Assistant] But that's mainly how people feel about the Chiefs and the 49ers for example.


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[Assistant] I'm kind of surprised a lot of people hate them, but I get it because of the old tradition, a lot of their star power and they've more or less been dancing through a lot of drain raindrops in these playoffs. They nearly lost to Green Bay. They had to come back there.


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[Assistant] They had a 17 point deficit against Detroit and Detroit blew that for a multitude of reasons. But does that make them more dangerous though?


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[Assistant] Traffic. Yes, uh, this is why you develop the cloning device below. Mr. Grassi, we are talking about Brock Purdy and the hate machine that is up against him.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, a lot of people hate Brock Purdy. I mean, it happens with every quarterback, if you're completely honest. There's a sect that think, you know, Lamar B.


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[Assistant] Uh, Tua, back there, people, they think he's a scrub, like there's Tua haters are pretty prevalent. Uh, Kenny Pickett, I'm not gonna throw Kenny Pickett on me in there, but I mean, there's a lot of people who do that. Uh, Justin Herbert, people hate Justin Herbert.


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[Assistant] But for the most part, it's mainly they dismiss a lot of his talents just because like of the skill positions around him.


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[Assistant] Was your tickle, was it Unders Carlson miss bad or was it Joe Berry defense bad?


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[Assistant] And the thing is, their defense actually performed really well in the second half. They clamped down.


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[Assistant] I feel like they panicked and Lamar on those final two drives, he tried to go for the home run ball. I'm like, dude, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] He was overthrowing receivers left and right all game. And then second and 10, you have the underneath route. He tries to go long because he sees Isaiah likely with his hands up in the air. It's a triple cover throw. I'm like, dude.


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[Assistant] Which doesn't make sense because the Kansas City run defense is mid-tier, and the Ravens have gotten over a hundred yards rushing against the Bill, or the Chiefs gave up over a hundred yards rushing to the Bills and the Dolphins. I'm like, why aren't you running the ball? Yea, I think they have a buck eighty.


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, GusBoss only had three carries, no carries to Dalvin Cook, third and short carries to, to Justice Hill. Like what are you doing?


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[Assistant] I am guessing it's because like Belichick, I feel like it's either not the right situation, he's still getting paid, so he probably took a year off, or he wants too much power. It could be one of those three things. I mean, also Carol and Belichick don't have jobs either, so it's just one of those things where it could be like a Sean Payton situation.


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[Assistant] Or a Mike McCarthy situation where you sit here, you chill, you don't deal with the stress of football. You take a couple consulting gigs and you just say, yeah, that that guy is good or that guy's bad and then come back in 2025.


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[Assistant] Really? I mean the thing is like they're talking about his time in Tennessee, the 2020 year, but you had King Henry at that point.


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[Assistant] So, I mean, that opens up your offense in so many different ways. Like, Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren are good running backs, but they're not to the level of King Henry. And you're hoping, like, you can develop a play-action game. It's just, I see what happened in Atlanta, how we mangled all the skill position players. It's just, it's like, oh god.


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[Assistant] But I mean, at the same time, I get why they're doing it. It's a style they want to play. It's a very run heavy offense that, uh, that comp it path. It's complimented by the passing game. It's just there. I mean,


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[Assistant] Well, I got my wish for them going out of the organization, so...


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[Assistant] It was, this was Tomlin's pick to be fair, like, and they were looking for a veteran offensive coordinator and they only hired, they interviewed three guys and two of them were Josiah Johnson and Thomas Brown from Carolina. And the only veteran was Arthur Smith. And I'm like, okay, yeah, you're probably bringing in Arthur Smith.


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[Assistant] What's your upside, like nine and seven?


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[Assistant] All I'm gonna say is, if Ron Rivera, with the way he controlled the defense after Del Rio left, not good.


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[Assistant] It was another situation where like you went from like a heavy press like man system to soft zone.


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[Assistant] So you say, you throw your hands up in the air and you go to Olive Garden. That is Dan Quinn.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying it's sleep on Olive Garden, it's just the general choice instead of the high end sexy choices like the Ben Johnsons and the Mike McDonalds of the world.


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[Assistant] It mostly depends on how much he was wanting to pay, because remember, some of the stuff coming out, he wanted $250 million fully guaranteed. And...


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[Assistant] He was coming off two years where he was injured for the rest of the year. So it's a situation.


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[Assistant] Like you couldn't predict. They really liked Desmond Ritter. That's why they chose him. And that was the wrong move. And they realized that. But unfortunately, it's a hindsight situation there.


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[Assistant] Well, Spitterer was the f the current, he was the P for a number of years, he


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[Assistant] You have to consider the right now. A lot of their c aging veteran players. J a huge dead cat for how b this past year. He's gon be gone. Your defense is


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[Assistant] You have some decent cornerbacks, but the problem is,


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[Assistant] Does Quentin Johnson develop hands? Do your offensive lines stay healthy? Like Corey Lindsley's done, unfortunately, and that's a shame because he's a great center.


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[Assistant] But, I mean, does Austin Eckler come back? Or is he gone? I mean, they have a lot of questions to ask. This might be a multi-year retool rebuild. So we're saying, if they miss the playoffs, I think it could be understandable just because of how much the Chargers need to do.


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[Assistant] It feels like it's a two year process.


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[Assistant] Canalys was the one with the porn addiction. Interesting. Oh, even better.


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[Assistant] And Broncos, Steelers are that little tier just above because like their ceiling is capped. And then, I mean, closest one right now might be... I'd say it's the Packers.


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[Assistant] I think it's going to be the Chiefs because this year is just a big fat middle finger to all of us and then, uh, Taylor Swift is going to eat Travis Kelce alive and father their young. She's praying mantis.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, it's a spider more or less. They take care of the business or it could be like an ant, you know, the ant does its thing and then they clip the wings and then take it away to be turned into food. Interesting.


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[Assistant] I mean, you'll get some Brady fanboys in your DMs just put torches in pitchparks, man.


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[Assistant] Honestly, for my punishment and my idea, I'm not sure if you guys approve of this. I think we should do a throwback and I think you need to shampoo for the next month with head and shoulders.


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[Assistant] Haters Guide to the Super Bowl came out yesterday and I've got NFL debriefing that I'll be starting on shortly.


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[Assistant] The only people who want to see the 49ers in the Super Bowl are people who are Golden State Warriors fans who live in the Bay Area. America does not like the 49ers the same way they dislike America's team. You mean the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Green Bay Packers?


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[Assistant] I just don't think America likes the 49ers at all. Like I think this for the nation.


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[Assistant] We have the Taylor Swift, uh, drama going on, which is kind of weird in my opinion, if you ask me these grown men hating on Taylor Swift. I initially was a part of that and then now I'm like, come on guys, you guys are doing way too much.


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[Assistant] But, this is the worst case scenario for this Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] A lot of people, when I said who are you rooting for on Twitter, most of them, and I mean like 80% responded to Meteor. So they are, this is not something people are excited to see. What do you think about this tree?


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[Assistant] Can I get your thoughts on Brock Purdy? Because I don't dislike Brock Purdy. I just dislike a lot of the media pundits sitting up here.


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[Assistant] He was one play away from being the scapegoat for the 49ers. If that catch isn't ricocheted off the helmet and caught by Brandon Nyuk, we could be talking about the Detroit Lions going to the Superbowl. So it's just, it's just interesting to me how.


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[Assistant] We'll see how it plays out. But we did see how it played out with the Ravens versus the Chiefs. Lamar Jackson, almost a non-factor in this game. What did you guys see when you were watching this?


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[Assistant] If Zay Jones scores that touchdown and he doesn't fumble, do the Ravens win that game?


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[Assistant] Going to the commanders. The NFC East is very incestuous for whatever reason. Uh, and they all like Cowboys coaches for whatever reason. You saw Jason Garrett go to the Giants a couple years ago. Yeah.


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[Assistant] For Dan Quinn, it might be one of those things where he's out in two to three years. It also is still undetermined which coaches are going to be following him.


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[Assistant] I didn't see what he tweeted earlier today though, in response to Jahan Dotson quoting that with a picture. Oh, what did Parson say? He just quoted it with a picture of himself tackling, uh, that is...


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[Assistant] From the Cowboys. Uhm, I actually went from the Chargers, so not the Cowboys. I was surprised. Yeah, Char, previously.