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[Assistant] I have changed, actually. My number's gone up. Because the more I think about it, it's like, yea, 10, 15,000, like, I really would drop a lot of this, cause like we said before at the afterlife section,


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[Assistant] Life's short, you know, you don't know what the fuck's gonna happen at the end if you're gonna be able to go to Jurassic World and Heaven and our ideal heaven or what, or if it's the black silent abyss. So I'm gonna live it up, baby. YOLO it up.


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[Assistant] In the Jurassic World in my mind, it's not just a zoo where you see dinosaurs like that. You actually get to go ride them and you can go on like camels. That's not Jurassic World though.


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[Assistant] But this is my version, this is my ideal version of Jurassic World where I get to ride them. Got it.


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[Assistant] What's in the finals right now? Let me evaluate this. What is in the finals?


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[Assistant] This week's episode is brought to you by Away. Away has the perfect gift for everyone on your list, and for every destination on theirs. Away makes suitcases for the way we actually travel.


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[Assistant] So we left off last time at the end of October 1912, just as Francisco Madero was celebrating his first anniversary as president of Mexico.


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[Assistant] That year had been defined by a steady stream of challenges to his fledgling administration.


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[Assistant] From Bernardo Reyes to Pascual Orozco to Felix Díaz to Emiliano Zapata and everyone in between, conservative or radical, out in the open or hidden behind secret conspiracies, everyone seemed to believe that with just a little push, Madero could be toppled. Yet, Madero still stood.


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[Assistant] For as unpopular as his enemy said he was, it had proven nigh impossible to raise a popular revolt against him.


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[Assistant] Not that people were tripping over themselves to say, oh, Madero is the greatest leader in history. He left a lot to be desired, and the promise of the plan of San Luis had yet to be truly fulfilled.


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[Assistant] So it was not so much, oh, look at all the good work he's done. So much as, well, look at all the good work he'll probably do if given a chance. And certainly, this is better than the bad old days of the Porfiriado with its corrupt state government and the petty tyranny of the Jefes politicos.


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[Assistant] So, 1912 closed out on a high note for the Mataristas. Despite all those rebellions, most of Mexico was mostly stable most of the time. The army had pretty much stayed loyal, the state governments were in the hands of either Matarista allies or men willing to resign themselves to Matarista administration.


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[Assistant] Business and industry that had been crippled first by the lingering recession after the crash of 1907 and then the big nationwide upheavals of 1910 and 1911 was bouncing back.


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[Assistant] Preliminary land surveys and assessments of who should rightly own what property had commenced. These efforts were predictably too radical for the conservatives and too conservative for the radicals, but it wasn't nothing.


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[Assistant] In the United States presidential election of November 1912, the Republicans had split their votes between President Taft and Theodore Roosevelt. This allowed Woodrow Wilson and the Democrats to capture the presidency.


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[Assistant] Madero not only hoped for a slightly more sympathetic administration in the White House, but the loss of Taft meant that the U.S. Ambassador to Mexico, Henry Elaine Wilson, would soon be recalled.


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[Assistant] Now, President-elect Woodrow Wilson would not take office until March of 1913, but come that spring, Madero could look forward to dealing with an ambassador who was not quite so nakedly opposed to his administration.


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[Assistant] But Madero did not make it to the spring of 1913, and United States Ambassador Henry Lane Wilson was a big reason why.


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[Assistant] Henry Lane Wilson had been at his post since March of 1910, after previous diplomatic stints in Chile and Belgium.


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[Assistant] He had been an open admirer of Porfirio Diaz and the wonderful things Diaz had done for Mexico. Certainly, Wilson had no problem with the wise and benevolent steps President Diaz had taken to ensure that the ignorant anarchist rabble did not ever seize control of the country.


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[Assistant] So Wilson watched with light-hearted scoffing at the attempt by this mystical lunatic Madero to unseat Don Porfirio in the election of 1910, and then when the Matarista revolution got going, Wilson regularly reported back to his bosses that this rebellion would be quashed any day now,


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[Assistant] Any day now after that, and then any day now after that.


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[Assistant] The defeat, resignation and departure of Porfirio Díaz in May of 1911 was shocking to Wilson. It was as shocking to him as it was to Díaz himself.


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[Assistant] Now, to be fair to the good ambassador, once Madero did take office, he struck a conciliatory and optimistic note. He was genuinely pleased that Madero seemed to be keeping intact much of the porphyry and apparatus and not undertaking a thorough going purge of the government. But this did not last long.


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[Assistant] Soon Ambassador Wilson's reports back to Washington DC were filled with exaggerated criticisms, the wildest of rumors, and personal attacks on now President Madero.


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[Assistant] The primary note Wilson kept pounding on was that Madero was so wildly unpopular that Mexico would never be stable as long as he was president.


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[Assistant] And he would later write of Madero, even after all was said and done, that Madero was a man of quote, disordered intellect.


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[Assistant] Who, quote, developed all the characteristics of that dangerous form of lunacy, which the best example in ancient times is a neuro, unquote. That's a little harsh.


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[Assistant] Now Wilson's hostile attitude towards Madero had been out in the open for a while.


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[Assistant] After Pasquale Orozco went into rebellion in March of 1912, Wilson sent back breathless reports that the whole country was being consumed by civil war and Madera was on the brink of being overthrown.


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[Assistant] And then when Orozco was defeated, Wilson painted Felix Dias' revolt in Veracruz as a near fait accompli, and that Medeira would be resigning any day now.


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[Assistant] But then no one followed Felix Diaz, and Don Porfirio's nephew was thrown into prison.


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[Assistant] Now this version of the story was then picked up by the U.S. Consul in Vera Cruz, who fed it back to the State Department, who then instructed a more than eager Ambassador Wilson to go have a chat with Madero, and say that the United States would not be happy if Madero engaged in such a concocted and underhanded murder plot.


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[Assistant] Now we don't have Madero's exact reply to this, but he was incensed at the ambassador's condescension that he was being lectured about not doing something that he was never actually going to do.


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[Assistant] Then, Madera went back to counting the days until Wilson was removed.


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[Assistant] But there was a critical little consequence to this incident. Madero decided to move Díaz from Veracruz to Mexico City so that they could keep a closer eye on him.


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[Assistant] Now despite what Ambassador Wilson and the newspaper said, the plot to free Felix Diaz from jail was very real.


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[Assistant] And when the general was moved to Mexico City, the plotting took on a newer and larger dimension.


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[Assistant] Because also still in prison in Mexico City was old Bernardo Reyes, who had been stewing in captivity for a full year since his own attempt at revolt had failed back in December of 1911.


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[Assistant] Both Reyes and Dias had seen their attempts at popular counterrevolution fail spectacularly, but they were still as hungry as ever to topple Madero.


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[Assistant] Maybe if they combined their efforts, they could succeed in their shared goal.


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[Assistant] They may not have had many popular supporters on the outside, but they had more than a few powerful supporters on the inside. And the most important of these friends was General Manuel Mondragon.


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[Assistant] Mondragon was especially eager to get something going because he was suspected of corruption, self-dealing, and outright theft of government money and was probably on his way to jail himself.


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[Assistant] Mondragon put himself at the center of a conspiracy to combine the counterrevolutionaries into a single group capable of executing a lightning coup, since obviously rallying the people to support them had been an obvious bust.


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[Assistant] Now, Dias and Reyes were in different prisons, but it was fairly easy to undertake multilateral plotting if the central conspirators just so happened to be rich, high-ranking generals.


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[Assistant] Now one guy that the conspirators were not able to get on board, though, was General Victoriano Huerta.


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[Assistant] Huerta was back in the capital glowing from the success of his suppression of the Orozco rebellion up in the north, but even though he hated Madero, and Madero did not really approve of Huerta,


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[Assistant] And then also, I mean, every other revolt has failed, what are the chances yours is going to succeed? So for the moment, General Huerta was out.


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[Assistant] Within a short time, though, the skeleton of a fairly simple plan had been drawn up.


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[Assistant] Mondragon figured he could rely on about a thousand mutinous cadets and junior officers in Mexico City, most of whom came from the conservative elite families of the old Porfiriado and who were eager to restore Mexico's honor.


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[Assistant] Some of them would spring Reyes and Diaz from jail, while another contingent would go to capture the National Palace, which was the seat of the executive branch in Mexico City, though not the president's primary residence.


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[Assistant] Once the National Palace was secure, they would all convene there and make it a headquarters for the coup. Reyes would address the nation, self-declare himself provisional president, and demand that the usurper Madero resign from office. The whole thing shouldn't take more than a couple hours. If they struck fast enough and hard enough, the shock alone would force Madero to resign.


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[Assistant] The administration was not caught entirely flat-footed though. Rumors and some circumstantial evidence started to bubble up to the surface, and the various comings and goings around the imprisoned Reyes and Diaz were being monitored.


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[Assistant] It was enough that Gustavo Madero, still his brother's right-hand man, cancelled a planned goodwill trip to Japan to promote the New Mexico. Not New Mexico, but the New Mexico.


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[Assistant] Suspecting some units in the city had been primed for mutiny, those units were transferred out of the city. But even though the authorities were onto them, perhaps because the authorities were onto them,


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[Assistant] Reyes and Dias and Mondragon decided that the coup should go ahead on schedule, and the schedule said that on the morning of February the 9th, 1913, the old order would be restored.


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[Assistant] On that fateful morning, everything started out according to the plan.


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[Assistant] A company of mutineers arrived at the National Palace at dawn. They disarmed the guards and captured the building.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, General Mondragon led a second force to spring the leaders of the plot from jail. They found Bernardo Reyes awake, dressed, and ready to go meet what he had always felt was his destiny.


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[Assistant] Felix Diaz on the other hand was caught in the middle of his morning shave and he had to finish up with a bunch of nervous now rebels getting antsy waiting for him.


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[Assistant] The wait wasn't that big of a deal though, because by that point, the plan was already in shambles, even though none of them knew it.


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[Assistant] When that little group had taken the National Palace before dawn, it had just so happened that a certain General VR, an old, experienced veteran who had chosen to support the Madero government, was walking to his offices.


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[Assistant] He quickly rang the alarm and mustered some loyal troops, and with the help of Gustavo Madero they all rushed down to the National Palace, surprised the young mutineers, and retook the building.


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[Assistant] Then General VR ordered the building fortified, machine guns in the windows, riflemen on the roof.


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[Assistant] So when Reyes, Dias, and Mondragon led the rest of the men towards the palace at about 7.30 in the morning, they thought they were about to be welcomed with open arms, but boy was it ever not open arms that were waiting for them.


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[Assistant] Now in classic old history of Rome style, I have two accounts of what happened next.


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[Assistant] The first is that they sent in one of their fellow conspirators to go in through a side door and make sure the coast was clear. And when that guy did not come running back bearing any bad news, they assumed it was all good.


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[Assistant] So in this version, when Reyes goes trotting up to the front door, he is going to be shocked by the order to halt.


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[Assistant] The other version is that they were in fact alerted in advance that the National Palace was not secure.


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[Assistant] But Reyes and General Vyar were old friends and comrades, and Reyes decided there was no way Vyar would side with Madero over him.


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[Assistant] So in this version, when Reyes gets the order to halt, he's like, yeah, but you're not really gonna open fire on me.


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[Assistant] Whichever version is true. Reyes proceeded to mount a horse and lead a small column of men towards the front door of the National Palace. He has described his trotting up there as if he was on parade. He ignored and ordered to halt.


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[Assistant] Maybe he was confused, maybe he was overconfident, but he did not stop trotting.


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[Assistant] Then General VR gave the order to fire, and Reyes' little column was blasted by machine gun and rifle fire.


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[Assistant] Reyes himself was blown off his horse. His body was among the first to crash on the street.


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[Assistant] A heavy firefight ensued over the next few minutes, with the exposed column cut down almost to a man, and their comrades further back taking cover and returning fire as best they could.


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[Assistant] Under a sustained and surprising attack, Dias and Mondragon ordered their men, boys really, to retreat back to Ciudadela, the fortified citadel about a mile and a half away.


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[Assistant] They left behind them 200 dead comrades plus another 200 dead civilians who just so happened to be there and were caught up in the crossfire.


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[Assistant] Among those dead was of course, Bernardo Reyes. It's a rather ignoble end for a man who for close to 20 years had believed, as so many others had as well, that he was destined to become president of Mexico.


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[Assistant] Reyes likely believed that he was on his destined path right up until the very second his body was ripped apart by bullets.


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[Assistant] History has a sense of humor, though, and Reyes, whose career has always been defined by backing down under pressure, died in the middle of a very out-of-character, reckless charge forward. So, uh, sayonara, Bernardo Reyes.


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[Assistant] So now we have bodies on the ground, blood in the streets, the cries of the wounded or mingling with the smoke and the smell of gunpowder.


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[Assistant] Madero was at the presidential residence when he got word that an uprising had broken out at about 11am. He immediately mounted his horse and rode into the city with only a light escort. And you can say what you want about the guy, but he was not a coward.


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[Assistant] when he hit the central city, cheering crowds flocked to him and declared their support


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[Assistant] So even at this ultimately late hour, it's not like Madero is playing the part of one of those hated French kings that the Parisian mobs always seem so eager to decapitate.


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[Assistant] With sporadic but active fighting still ongoing, he and his party were forced to take cover in a photography studio near the soon to be completed National Theatre.


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[Assistant] It was at this point that they were joined by old General Huerta who appeared out of nowhere. He presented himself to Madero and offered his services should the need arise.


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[Assistant] Now it remains a point of contention between historical partisans, whether Huerta was already at this point a co-conspirator, or whether his appearance was a mere coincidence.


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[Assistant] But when Madero found out that General Villar had been wounded in the initial firefight, basically his collarbone had been turned into mincemeat, and was no longer able to direct a counterattack, Madero turned to Huerta to lead the army in the capital.


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[Assistant] While Huerta went to take command of the forces at the National Palace, Madero scrambled to bring in reinforcements. He ordered a certain General Blanquet to bring 1,500 men to the capital from their garrison, which was only about 40 miles away.


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[Assistant] But it would take Blanquet a week to get his men loaded and moving because, though we argue about what Huerta's position in all of this was, Blanquet was totally in cahoots with the conspirators.


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[Assistant] After sending this order, Madero then hopped on a train and personally went up to Cuernavaca to confer with General Angelis, who we met last week.


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[Assistant] Angelis remained loyal to Madero, and the next day he led either 1,000 or 2,000 men to the capital, depending on which book you happen to be reading.


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[Assistant] The general historical assumption is that Madero planned to replace Huerta with Anhaltis.


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[Assistant] But this plan was stymied because Angelis' recent promotion to general had not yet been confirmed by the congress and so he was still massively outranked by Huerta.


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[Assistant] So protocol took precedence even in this dire emergency, and so Huerta remained in charge in the Capitol.


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[Assistant] The whole next day, day two of the ten tragic days, passed without much action.


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[Assistant] In the end, the conspirators had managed to gather about 1500 men to their banner, and they were all holed up together at that citadel, the armory.


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[Assistant] Huerta made no concerted attempt to dislodge them, and they made no attempt to break out.


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[Assistant] But the next day, February the 11th, the two sides commenced an artillery duel between batteries at the National Palace and at the Citadel which, as I said, were about a mile and a half away from each other.


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[Assistant] And as with much of the ten tragic days, this duel is the subject of much controversy and debate.


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[Assistant] But it sure seemed like shells were raining down everywhere except their intended targets. And the controversy is, of course, over how much of this artillery duel was a complete sham.


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[Assistant] Huerta and Diaz had more in common personally and politically than either of them had with Madero, that's for sure, and given what's about to happen, the idea that they were already at least in tacit cahoots is very plausible.


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[Assistant] So there remains a strong belief out there that they were intentionally shelling the civilian population rather than each other to create a level of untenable chaotic bloodshed that they could then use to force Madero to resign.


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[Assistant] Ready and willing to help pin all the bloodshed on Madero was U.S. Ambassador Henry Lane Wilson.


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[Assistant] Wilson concluded as soon as the bullet started flying that this was all further proof that Madero could not stabilize Mexico. The only way to restore order and end further bloodshed was for Madero to resign.


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[Assistant] So rather than report back to his superiors in Washington DC that a small barracks revolt had broken out against a legitimate democratic government that was recognized as legitimate by the United States, Wilson said, we're all going down in flames here, thanks to Madero being a selfish, incompetent lunatic.


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[Assistant] Wilson insisted that U.S. policy must be using all of their power and leverage to force Madero to resign.


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[Assistant] Wilson was not alone in his assessment, though. He conferred with his fellow ambassadors representing the United Kingdom, Germany, and Spain, and they too tended to agree that Madera was to blame for all this.


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[Assistant] Wilson did not bother conferring with anyone else, though, because what's the point? The British, Germans, and Spanish are the only powers that really matter.


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[Assistant] So he ignored the fact that other European powers, like Austria, thought, hey, maybe this isn't Madero's fault.


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[Assistant] He also ignored the fact that every ambassador from a Latin American country uniformly concluded that this is definitely not Madero's fault.


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[Assistant] Ignoring all of that, Wilson called the ambassadors of the UK, Germany and Spain for a meeting at his residence on the night of February the 15th.


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[Assistant] Though the others were a bit queasy about the boundaries they might be overstepping by getting directly involved in what was clearly a domestic conflict, the four ambassadors ultimately agreed that the Spanish ambassador should go tell Madero he ought to resign.


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[Assistant] They count this in patriotic terms, saying your people are dying and only your resignation can save them.


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[Assistant] Madero was outraged at the very suggestion.


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[Assistant] His attitude was basically, I'm the president, democratically elected, and you as a foreign ambassador have no right to tell me what to do. So get out of my office.


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[Assistant] And it's not like the whole country was rising up. Hell, not even Mexico City was rising up. There were no barricades, no angry mobs parading through the streets. This was a little over a thousand mutineers, who in due course would be defeated and convicted of treason. It was nothing more than that.


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[Assistant] The plan to pressure Madero into resigning by saddling him with responsibility for the dead was going nowhere.


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[Assistant] So to get the job done, it was going to take something more direct.


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[Assistant] And the Cuban ambassador is quoted as saying, and this is a quote,


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[Assistant] The revolution was no longer in the Ciara Noah, but in the spirit of Mr. Wilson.


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[Assistant] Madero did not have to fear Felix Dias, but the representative of President Taft.


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[Assistant] And while this may be true, the representative of President Taft was not the only one Madero had to fear, because he definitely also had to fear General Victoriano Huerta.


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[Assistant] On Sunday, February the 16th, Huerta and Diaz agreed to an armistice so that everyone could bury their dead.


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[Assistant] Hundreds, if not thousands, had died so far in the week of fighting and shelling. Far more civilians than belligerents. The city had been totally paralyzed. Food was running low, and everyone was basically living under siege conditions.


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[Assistant] It had been a long, long time since Mexico City had seen violence like this. They had been the safe and comfortable center of the porfiriado. Even the revolution had played out in the newspapers, not out in the streets.


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[Assistant] During the lull in the fighting though, both sides did in fact clear up their dead, but also the two quote unquote opponents, Huerta and Diaz, got going with final plans to end the conflict.


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[Assistant] Not by one defeating the other, but by teaming up to defeat Madero together.


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[Assistant] Now people still debate the particulars of Huerta's timeline of treason, but the armistice of February 16th is the last day you can credibly claim he was not actively working with Dias to overthrow Madero. As the sun set on February the 16th,


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[Assistant] Huerta sent a communique to Wilson, alerting the ambassador of his intention to resolve the situation. And as Wilson then reported to his superiors,


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[Assistant] Werta has sent his messenger to say I may expect some action which will remove Madero from power at any moment, and that plans are fully matured.


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[Assistant] He first invited Gustavo Madero to an early lunch at a restaurant, excused himself to go take a phone call, whereupon soldiers loyal to Huerta rushed into the room and took Gustavo prisoner.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, over at the National Palace, soldiers swarmed the building at about 2pm and took all the key government officials prisoner, including the entire cabinet,


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[Assistant] Madero himself and Vice President Pino Suarez were captured after the men guarding them were shot dead.


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[Assistant] Then the President, Vice President, and the Cabinet were held in close custody in the National Palace, unsure of what was happening and who was ultimately giving the orders. Gustavo was not so lucky.


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[Assistant] The details of his fate come to us third hand by way of the Cuban ambassador, but Gustavo was taken to the Citadel and handed over to a company of soldiers who hated the Madero's guts.


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[Assistant] These guys got ahold of Gustavo, they beat him, tortured him, shot him dead at point blank range, and then emptied their clips into the body.


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[Assistant] His body, by the way, was never recovered. It was either dumped in an unmarked grave or incinerated in a fireplace.


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[Assistant] Now Henry Lane Wilson did not know the details of the plan in advance, but he knew when it was going to happen and had given his approval.


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[Assistant] He knew when it was gonna happen, because though the coup did not actually take place until about two in the afternoon, the ambassador had already cabled home at noon that the Madero government had fallen.


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[Assistant] And he now stepped more forthrightly into the picture.


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[Assistant] Wilson, first of all, agreed to act as Huerta's liaison with the rest of the diplomatic corps to get them to accept the change in government.


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[Assistant] Then when Huerta and Diaz started arguing over who exactly was in charge of the new government,


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[Assistant] Huerta was asserting his claim to executive authority because he had actually carried out the coup. Well, Diaz protested and said, hey, wait a minute, I'm the one who went into revolt in the first place. But Huerta said, well, without me you'd be dead by now, so I should be president.


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[Assistant] An almost all night session produced what has been dubbed the infamous pact of the embassy.


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[Assistant] In this pact, Huerta would indeed become president of Mexico. For the moment.


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[Assistant] New elections would then be called by the end of the year, and in those elections, where to agree to support Diaz's candidacy for president.


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[Assistant] As a consolation prize for being denied immediate power, the members of the interim cabinet would be largely selected by Dias,


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[Assistant] Now all that was left to do was dispose of the old government that he had just helped overthrow.


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[Assistant] The next day, Francisco Madero did what he swore he would not do. He signed a letter of resignation.


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[Assistant] So did Pino Suarez as vice president and almost the entire rest of the cabinet.


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[Assistant] They sign these resignations at gunpoint, though for Madero at least, this was more about saving his family than himself.


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[Assistant] He had already deduced that Gustavo was dead and that he would likely not make it out of this alive.


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[Assistant] But his wife and mother and children were all there in Mexico City too.


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[Assistant] So before signing, he managed to secure a promise of safe passage out of Mexico for himself and for Pino Suarez and their families under a diplomatic escort.


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[Assistant] And in theory, these resignation letters were supposed to be held in trust by friendly Cuban and Chilean ambassadors until the exiles were safely away.


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[Assistant] Legally, the government had not been deposed, it had resigned, voluntarily, at gunpoint. But not everyone was forced to resign.


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[Assistant] At the embassy meeting, Wilson, Dias and Huerta had worked out the constitutional niceties of this very unconstitutional regime change.


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[Assistant] So unlike everyone else, the foreign minister would not be asked to resign.


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[Assistant] Then, when Madero and Pino Suarez did resign, the order of succession would make the foreign minister president.


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[Assistant] So, on February 20th, that guy was sworn into office, he immediately named Huerta his Minister of the Interior, and then he signed his letter of resignation.


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[Assistant] By order of succession, Huerta now legally ascended to the presidency.


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[Assistant] And General Victoriano Huerta was now president of Mexico.


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[Assistant] So with the government now legally overthrown, the question became, what do we do with Madero? And to a much lesser extent, his vice president, Pino Suarez.


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[Assistant] At the pact of the embassy meeting, Ambassador Wilson had been very insistent that Huerta and Diaz let the cabinet go free unharmed. That was a sticking point for the United States.


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[Assistant] He insisted on no such thing for Francisco Madero.


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[Assistant] So then we're to straight up ask him, well what should I do with Madero? Should I exile him or toss him in an asylum?


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[Assistant] And this is when suddenly Wilson was like, oh geez, it's not really my place to say, that's really none of my business as an ambassador.


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[Assistant] All Wilson said to Huerta about Madera was you do what you think is best to secure peace in the country.


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[Assistant] Now to get to wink wink nudge nudge say no more, some charades had to play out.


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[Assistant] Where to announce the newly prescribed exiles would be taken by train from Mexico City to Veracruz and from there put on a boat to Havana. Yes, that's right, the boat to Havana is making a reappearance in the show.


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[Assistant] But Madero and Pino Suarez are not gonna get on a boat to Havana.


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[Assistant] On February the 21st, at the appointed hour, their families and the ambassadors from Cuba and Chile went to the train station to await their arrival, but the two men never appeared.


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[Assistant] Then they were told that Huerta had gotten intelligence that a likely jailbreak would be attempted in Veracruz, so the transfer to the coast would have to wait.


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[Assistant] There is some suspicion out there that they were actually supposed to be executed en route to Veracruz, but the unshakable presence of the two ambassadors forced Huerta to call the trip off.


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[Assistant] By now, the families of the two men were begging Ambassador Wilson to give the men asylum in the U.S. Embassy, but Wilson never answered.


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[Assistant] At about 11pm on the night of February the 21st, Francisco Madero and Jose Maria Pino Suarez were picked up in two cars from the National Palace and driven to the nearby federal penitentiary.


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[Assistant] We know this because newspaper reporters were camped out in front expecting them to be moved.


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[Assistant] The small armed motorcade, led by Major Francisco Cardenas, sped off, forcing the newspaper men to race after them on foot.


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[Assistant] But the motorcade did not go through the front gate of the prison. Instead it pulled up to a secluded side door.


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[Assistant] With reporters in earshot, but not eyeshot.


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[Assistant] When the reporters arrived on the scene, they found Madero and Pino Suarez dead on the ground, their bodies riddled with bullets. The cars they had come in were riddled with bullets.


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[Assistant] Major Cardenas told them some Mataristas had just botched a rescue attempt. That the ex-president and ex-vice president had been oh so sadly caught in the crossfire. See? Look at all the bullets in the cars.


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[Assistant] Now this was a story designed to be a story, not a story designed to be believed.


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[Assistant] What really happened was that Madero and Pino Suarez were driven to a side door, they were ordered out of the car, they were shot in the back, and then their bodies in the cars they had come in were riddled with more bullets to make it look like a firefight.


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[Assistant] Francisco Madero was 39 years old. He had done the impossible. He had overthrown the porfiriado. He had introduced democracy to Mexico. He had been president of Mexico for just about 15 months. And for his trouble, he was now dead.


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[Assistant] No one believed that Madero and Pino Suarez had not been executed in cold blood.


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[Assistant] And so, a cover story that nobody believed became the official story.


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[Assistant] Wilson remained pleased with himself for having played a central role in ending the revolutionary crisis that had gripped Mexico for two years.


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[Assistant] A strong hand was back on the tiller Order and progress were about to be restored


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[Assistant] But I might ask of Ambassador Wilson, if that's true, then how come I'm not quite halfway through a retrospective series on the events of the Mexican Revolution? How come this isn't the final episode?


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[Assistant] Could it possibly be that the counter-revolutionary overthrow of Madera was going to invite chaos, not order?


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[Assistant] Could it possibly be that the cold-blooded assassination of Madera was going to drive many who had set aside their rifles to pick them back up again?


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[Assistant] The Mexican Revolution will come roaring back to life.


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[Assistant] This episode of Dude Soup is brought to you by ExpressVPN. Protect your online privacy at expressvpn.com slash dude.


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[Assistant] Hey everyone, welcome to not dude soup. What are we calling it this week? We're calling it-


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[Assistant] We're gonna talk about some stuff, uhm, I, I was thinking, I, I wrote up some story ideas, but I actually have a story to start us off with because...


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[Assistant] James, Elise and I were testing out our vocal cords, you know, warming up our voices with some beautiful singing.


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[Assistant] Uh, some trills, some ad-libs.


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[Assistant] And one of my roommates, uh, was this woman, uh, who went by the name Princess Cassandra Marie. She was wonderful. She's a wonderful person, uh, beautiful spirit. She did a, uh, a musical at her church.


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[Assistant] And uhm, one time all like 20 of them came to our house to rehearse.


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[Assistant] A lot of times in songs everyone singing the melody and kind of you know doing.


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[Assistant] Basic harmonies with each other, but it's all kind of the same. And then there's one person.


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[Assistant] All 20 of them were doing that. So no one was singing the actual song. They were all going all over the place and it sounded, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, she doesn't have internet, so. No. She lives off the grid.


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[Assistant] Uh, anyways, uh, James, uh, why are you playing Mario Galaxy?


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[Assistant] Uh, I am a neither because the game gives me vertigo and I have to put the controller down and lay down and take a nap and then once I wake up my nausea is gone.


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[Assistant] I am actually, I'm trying to focus on the webcams because it is a little much for me.


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[Assistant] It's a lot more linear, like it's not like Mario 64 Odyssey where you have these big


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[Assistant] Areas, these big levels with a bunch of like, stuff you can play with.


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[Assistant] I literally, you got, you fell off that rocket and then you ran on the tip of the rocket and the camera spun around and my stomach spun around with it. Go on Elise.


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[Assistant] Like no, no competition. Odyssey is like a feat. It's one of the best video games ever created.


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[Assistant] I forget where it was, I think it was in an interview or something, but I learned about it from Mark Brown's Game Maker's Toolkit, that they spent months


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[Assistant] Just working on the jump and the platforming and everything in the movement before doing any level design or anything else.


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[Assistant] In Mario 64, they spent months just working on him jumping around.


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[Assistant] And they really didn't have anything to compare it to. Right.


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[Assistant] Got me to play Dark Souls.


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[Assistant] Uhm, which, as y'all know, I'm obsessed with that game now. I play it like every Saturday I do a run. Uhm, but he has a video talking about the level design, the world design of Dark Souls. And it's so interesting.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I didn't realize that it's heavily inspired by Link to the Past, where uhm, it has that kind of accordion design to it, where you start out in the prologue, it's linear, but then it opens up uhm, where you have like, you know, different tasks you have to do, and then it narrows back in


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[Assistant] In Zelda, it narrows back into the Hyrule Castle Ganon 1 fight.


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[Assistant] And then you go to the dark world and you have the six different, uhm.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the crystals that you can basically do in almost any order. Some of them you can, but mostly it's free reign.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and although there is kind of a general linear path for new players, there are ways to get them out of order. Depending on if you get the master key or not. Well, actually.


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[Assistant] You can totally get there without the master key. You can go through, uh,


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[Assistant] Uhm, and then it narrows for Sen's Fortress in Anor Londo, and then it opens back up to get the 4 Lord Souls, which you can 100% do in any order, and then it narrows back in for Gwyn. So it's really interesting.


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[Assistant] And he also just talks about the world design, which is...


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[Assistant] That's why I love Dark Souls over really any of the other, uh, Souls games.


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[Assistant] Because the whole world is interconnected. Everything weaves together


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[Assistant] Uhm, whereas Dark Souls 2 and 3, Bloodborne, Demon Souls,


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[Assistant] Uh, they're much more linear. Well, Demon's Souls is six, five different worlds.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I'm going to guess that it was, uh,


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[Assistant] Well actually, I think because, uh, Miyazaki doesn't want to just do the same game over


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[Assistant] Uhm, like kind of like Sakurai, uh, Masahiro Sakurai, uh, where he got baited, uh, into by, uh, Suturo or Satoru. Which one is it? I don't know. The president of Nintendo.


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[Assistant] Heee, so basically what happened was, Masahiro Sakurai made...


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[Assistant] On to the next game! And they're like, no, Kirby's a great success, you need to make another one.


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[Assistant] So he's like, okay, so he made Kirby All-Stars or Superstar for the SNES, which is like six games in one.


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[Assistant] He's like, all right, we're good. I'm going to make Smash Brothers now. And they made Smash Brothers, uh, which, uh, Satoru Iwata actually was helped, uh, Sakurai program that on nights and weekends after work. Uh,


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[Assistant] Uh-huh, exactly, exactly. Uhm.


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[Assistant] But then after Smash Brothers was a smash hit, uh, Sakurai kept wanting to do other games, but they're like, uh, Iwata was like,


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[Assistant] Was it, uhm, it was either melee or brawl? I think it was brawl. Was that the one on Wii?


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[Assistant] Uh, Sakurai learned that they were making Brawl at the, uhm, GDC press conference.


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[Assistant] Yeah, where he announced it and he was like, wow, that's being made. And then a lot of came to him and was like, listen,


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[Assistant] Because he had already left, uhm, to make his own studio. I forget what it's called. It's got that little cross symbol.


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[Assistant] Anyways, yeaah. And then he made, I think that's why he made, uhm, the most recent Smash Brothers. It's like Smash, it has everything in it. Like, it's designed, it's like,


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[Assistant] So that you could never make another one because how could you ever, like, top it?


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[Assistant] Uh, but yea, like, sorry, I got sidetracked with Sakurai, but basically I think Miyazaki was the same way, where he made Dark Souls, and he's like, now we're making Bloodborne. Uhm, but, uh, FromSoft's like, Dark Souls 2, uh, and Miya-


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[Assistant] He was like, nah, nah, I'm good. So he was making Bloodborne and another studio made Dark Souls 2. And I know there are a lot of people that love Dark Souls 2.


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[Assistant] Not in any way comparable to Dark Souls 1 or 3. Uhm, and then Dark Souls 3 I think was them convincing Nizaki. They're like, come on.


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[Assistant] Do one more and we'll let you do whatever the hell you want.


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[Assistant] I think he oversaw it, but he wasn't like, I think he was an EP, but not like the game.


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[Assistant] Director, but I'm not sure on that, but I do know it was another team within FromSoft.


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[Assistant] So yeaah. That's all my game knowledge. That's all the game knowledge I have.


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[Assistant] Yeah, souls talk. I got souls on the brain, guys. This last Saturday.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I did a pyro tank build.


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[Assistant] In Dark Souls, one of the things is your equipment load, the weight of armor you have determines


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[Assistant] Kind of how fast you move, and if you have, uhm, uuuh, you got away from that platform.


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[Assistant] I'm just ranting. Anyways, uh, normally I go for the fast stroll, where you're super fast and you can roll fast and everything, but that means that you're wearing very little armor, uh, and you're pretty weak.


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[Assistant] So, and you, and you don't have a lot of poise, which is basically like, if you're in the middle of an attack and you get hit, it will break your attack. Uhm, wait for the, wait for the platform change. Uhm, so, this time,


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[Assistant] I did, uh, a tank build where I basically had the heaviest armor I could. Congratulations, Gene.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I was basically able to just do whatever I wanted and didn't even really have to worry about getting hit. And it was really fun.


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[Assistant] Uh, but then I realized I need to just focus on trying everything because the first


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[Assistant] Three or four times I beat it, it was a strength build. Uhm, whereas, you know, it being an RPG.


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[Assistant] There are many different builds you can do with the different skills and different weapons and there's three different magic, uh, you know.


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[Assistant] So, now what I'm doing is I'm basically just doing a different build that uses weapons I haven't used before, uh, stats I haven't used before, builds I haven't used before.


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[Assistant] And I'm just going to be doing that over and over and over until I feel like I've perfected it or, you know, learned as much as I can. And then I'm going to start doing like actual runs, trying to get that time down.


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[Assistant] Like a bunch of times. Cause for me, it's few and far between.


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[Assistant] Those I've started dozens of times, I don't know how many times I've beaten them. Same. Same with you, link to the past, I've beat like three or four times. And then Celeste, I've


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[Assistant] Uhm, but a lot of the games, you know, they're linear like that, so replaying it is like, you have to take a break before you can replay it.


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[Assistant] What always happens to me is I'll pick up Katamari and then I'll play it for like four hours straight and then I won't play it for like another two years.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so good. Uhm, Elise, being a big fan of Link to the Past, have you ever watched, uh, any of the randomizers?


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[Assistant] They're very nerdy. Uh, basically all of the speedrunners that have run the game thousands and thousands of times and have like a 90 minute, uh, speed in like the, like all dungeons or whatever version of, uh,


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[Assistant] Links to the past. They now do this thing where they've made a randomizer where it randomizes all the items and there's a bunch of different options you can have like they have a thing called key sanity where


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[Assistant] Every single chest and item you receive, like the thing you receive from the sick boy when you bring him a bee, that's all randomized.


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[Assistant] And so their pathing is completely different every time. Because it depends on the items they get.


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[Assistant] Uh, well, no, no, uh, you mean like locking it like they can't beat it?


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[Assistant] It's constantly being updated, but they have something called logic where it basically, there's an order in which things are. So like, for instance, uhm.


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[Assistant] You know, the hammer will never be behind an area that you need the hammer to get to.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so it is random, but there is logic to it so that you can always complete the game. Uhm, but it's, it's so interesting to watch.


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[Assistant] Uh, and they, they do these races where if you're just watching it, you know, watching someone casually play it.


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[Assistant] It might be a little, you might really not really know what's going on, but there are a lot of races on like the twitch.tv slash speedrun, uh, and they have one on YouTube where


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, where's he gonna go? Is he gonna go to, uh, is he gonna go to this dungeon or this dungeon?


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[Assistant] And yeaah, there's always a thing, uh, I forget if there's a term for it, but it's dark world access, cause you need certain items. You need like the moon pearl.


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[Assistant] The glove, uhm, and then a few other things, and then you have Dark World access, and then that opens the game up.


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[Assistant] A lot more. Uhm, and it's just really interesting all the pathing and stuff, cause they're like, just the math they're doing in their head.


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[Assistant] Is insane, it's just like all the different, it's like chess, kind of. You know how Star Wars chess players are looking like 8 to 10 moves ahead or whatever? That's what the randomizer does.


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[Assistant] Well I think it's because for years now, uh, it's only been the two of them going back and forth, back and forth, and they're like craving new challenges.


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[Assistant] I love sprinting around everywhere, running into walls, trying to stop it right before you hit a wall. It's always so fun. What about you?


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[Assistant] I guess, or Zelda- At least you look to your right, you're supposed to be looking down when you talk to James.


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[Assistant] Uh, so even though they're on one webcam, they're on top and bottom.


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[Assistant] I actually was on the development team. Wow. That's impressive.


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[Assistant] That, uh, I had a thought yesterday. With you two being a couple. That's new.


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[Assistant] Because personally, a couple Halloweens ago, I tried to stream the first Resident Evil.


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[Assistant] And I had to stop because I was so scared.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but I feel like if I had someone next to me...


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[Assistant] Oh, by the way, let's take a quick break and hear a word from our sponsors. Alright y'all, listen up. I'm gonna educate you.


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[Assistant] I don't know if you know this, but social media has been engineered to exploit you. That's right. Have you ever been looking at something or thinking about something and then suddenly you're getting ads for it? Guess what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not a coinkydink. That's the frickin' man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Analyzing you and selling your data to the highest bidder. That's right, it's called surveillance capitalism. All that stuff goes to the man. If...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not protecting your data. That's right. You can put a layer of protection around your data with ExpressVPN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Haha, didn't know who I was talking about. You know now, it's ExpressVPN. Now, you still need to be careful with what you share on social media, but ExpressVPN can make sure your web browsing is more anonymous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That way you're gonna minimize the frickin' man getting all up in your brain recommending cat food the moment you think about cat food. I don't even own a cat!


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[Assistant] I was just thinking about it. I wondered about that num-num. What's it made out of that wet cat food with that weird long-haired white cat eaten from that crystal dish?


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[Assistant] Get out of my brain! And I know you're saying, what? I'm gonna use a VPN, but my internet experience is gonna be slower. Guess what? That's true for a lot of VPNs, but not ExpressVPN. It's in the flippin' name, okay? It's incredibly fast and easy to use. You just tap a button,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're protected. You know how to tap a button, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, if you don't want to be a chump and give your data away to tech companies for free and let them exploit your personal information, maybe you should visit ExpressVPN.com slash dude right now. If you do, you can get three extra months of ExpressVPN for free. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ExpressVPN.com slash Dude. D-U-D-E Dude. Protect your data. Go to ExpressVPN.com slash Dude to learn more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I am the flippin' spokesperson for Mint Mobile at Funhaus. Why? Because I'm a user of it. I used to be on some other carrier. I was getting some good cell service, but guess what? Everybody gets good cell service now. That was the thing in the early 2000s, you know, with like, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is my call connecting now? Is my call connecting now?


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[Assistant] That's the old school with the coverage. Everybody's using the same flipping satellites. Everybody's getting the same coverage. So why are you paying more at Big Daddy Cell Phone Company? You should be with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool Uncle Mint Mobile. And guess what? It's the holiday season. They're bringing the good deals. If you switch to Mint Mobile and buy any three month plan, you're gonna get another three months for free. You don't gotta go to a flippin' store, have a 17 year old make fun of the shirt you're wearing, call you a boomer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can just order safely from your home and maximize your savings with plans starting at just $15 a month. Most of these phone bills, what are you paying? 80, a hundred bucks a month? Well, let's do the math here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 80, 15 plus 80, that's, you're saving yourself at least $600 a month. I was more of an art student growing up.


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[Assistant] Like I said, for a limited time, buy any three month Mint Mobile plan and get three months free by going to mintmobile.com slash dude. That's mintmobile.com slash dude. Cut your wireless bill down to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, my stomachs are grumbling. What am I gonna do? I got so many things I'm working. I'm, I'm doing laundry. I got all my bills to pay. I got, I'm learning freaking Korean right now. I don't got no time to cook. But guess what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got Doordash. They're gonna come to my door in a flippin' dash and bring me some delicious food. And I'm going to save time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And guess what? I'm saving time, living my life at 100 miles per hours. It's the only way to do it. I'm learning Korean right now? That's not a bit. I am learning Korean. Annyeonghaseyo. Maybe I ordered some Korean food. Maybe I ordered some bibimbap. Maybe some bulgogi. Maybe some gimbap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe some tuk-boki. That's right. Whatever you're craving, whether it's Korean food or literally any other type of food, you can get it from DoorDash. And in flipping low amount of time, it's gonna get there fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay? Guess what also, we're all kind of in a hard time right now, but some of the biggest people getting impacted by everything we're going through are the restaurants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So guess what? You got a favorite restaurant. The best way to support them is by continuing to order from them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're still doing great work, they're still making great food, we gotta keep them around, cause I want my flippin' binnies. If you're in LA, you gotta order binnies, it's the flippin' best. If you're not in LA, I feel bad cause you're missing out on binnies, but I'm pretty sure there's thousands of amazing restaurants you can order from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In your hometown. And guess what? You're thinking, you're going, Oh COVID, their deliveries are contactless. They want to keep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's safe, from the restaurants to the drivers to you. They're doing it right in 2020. Okay y'all, so right now,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody watching or listening can get $5 off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more. All you gotta do is download the DoorDash app and enter the code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude Soup. One word. D-U-D-E-S-O-U-P. That's $5 off and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store or the Play Store or the Linux Phone Store, wherever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all you gotta do is enter the dude soup code. D-U-D-E-S-O-U-P.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget that's DudeSoup for $5 off your first order with DoorDash. Download that app and then download some food into your stomach. And we're back. How did you guys like that segway I just did? It was pretty straightforward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but I've been trying to be very frugal these days. Smart. And also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When, uh, the whole Xbox One and all that stuff came out, I didn't buy...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever it was, I bought like the pro, like a year or two later when they released like the deluxe version. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like that was a good, that was a good way to do it. So like, even though I'm gonna miss out...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fine waiting and then just having like a much larger library of games to pick from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I was, so what brought me to the idea of the horror thing was, I was like, I think I'm actually going to play Resident Evil Village. But then I watched the trailer, and I almost peed myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then I said, I gotta get a girlfriend before April.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw gameplay from it in just that dinner scene where they're sitting at the table and there's all the rotten food. I was like, this is not, I cannot do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That whole, that phot, the photoshop of yeaah, of all four of us is like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One time I tried to, I took pictures of all the editors, uh, and I tried to put together like a monster human.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of our features, because there was some joke about like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who the editor is, and people were wanting to know who edited what videos, and so I was going to be like, oh, it was all this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't find that uncanny valley. Like, it just looked like garbage. Whenever I, when I was trying to use everyone's features.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dawn's eyes and Dan's beard and things like that, uh, it did not work. Sadly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I do still have all those photos and something I've done recently is I have a Google Chromecast


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I learned that you can set the screen saver to just pull from your Google photos and you can select it by people's faces. So I just selected like 30 people, like everyone from my family and like all of you guys and everything. So it just kind of cycles through just showing those pictures, like every 10 seconds it switches to a new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there, a lot of them, like, are just one of you posed in front of a green screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, for some reason, the same shot of Dawn, that's from that, that picture series I took, it's him, kinda close up, just going, just making like a big creepy smile with wide eyes. That one keeps showing up. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just be, you know, cause sometimes I'll- ow, I punched-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I will have watched something and then I'll stop and I'll leave my TV on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll just be like on my phone or drawing or something and I'll look up and it's dawn just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just looking at staring into my soul with that giant grin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite though is that uhm, for some reason, I don't know why,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The same comp, cause you can set it so that sometimes it shows two pictures. And the combinations that it chooses to show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are really funny and there are some recurring ones, so there's one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That recurs where it's a picture of bones and alley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's them posed together looking fancy. Uh, I think it was, uh, I went to Bones' house in Oakland and I took, I took out my phone and I took a picture of it. It was on the fridge or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then beside it, it's my youngest nephew bawling their eyes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just those two pictures next to each other. It's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I have a question. This is something I was thinking about. Uh, where do y'all wanna travel? I know this is just a pivot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, do y'all have any travel dreams or have you already fulfilled them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that actually, like, on your guys' to-do list for the year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, I mean not right now, but that is actually a great tip I learned, uh, from one of my mom's childhood friends, Tommy Tebow. Uhm. Go on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For those of you who might know, I've mentioned this before, I was at Disney World on 9-11, uh, and the reason,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is because the best time to go to amusement parks and things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is like the week after Labor Day when all of the schools start the school year. We went and the lines were so short everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was amazing. It was one of the best weeks of my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it ended with 9-11. And then the world changed forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But really, it was so great and it wasn't crowded, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just recommend that, you know, in 2024 when this pandemic is over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I heard about that. That's pretty interesting. I read the headline and then I moved on because I don't want to put faith into anything. Uh, but is that true?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They get a vaccine. 100% success rate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's from this shitty pharmaceutical company that wants to sell it for $10,000 a shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bill Gates comes in and buys the patent and releases it for free across the world. But!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many people think that Bill Gates invented the virus, they refuse to take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good point. They should just set up like an auto turret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember when Ben Foster and Cisco were in a movie together? No. What movie was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's find out in foster Cisco.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get over it! Ben Foster, Cisco, and cursed and dunced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking about the saddies. Let's talk about the goodies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have any fun international stories from past trips?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, when I was 20, I got, uhm, hired, uh, at Invisible Children, pre-Kony,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, pre-coding 2012 to go and film, uh, in Uganda for three months and on the way they planned for us to, they just launched like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A London office or a UK office, they were in Oxford.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they're like, alright, they're gonna pick you up from the airport, like you're gonna go around with them for a week, and then you'll fly to Uganda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like, great. And so we land at Heathrow and we go out and we're like, man, I can't wait to meet these two guys. We've heard so much about them. And we go out and we're like, we don't see them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then we f- for hours we were like trying to call and get in contact with people and invisible children. And eventually it turns out that they had no idea what we were talking about. Uhm, and one of them was in another country and the other one was leaving for another country, uh, the next day. Uh, so we split up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the two people I was with went and met with one guy, and then me and this guy, I think his name was Brody? Uhm, he went and picked me up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We drove to the Oxford Mansion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Oxford is state that one of the guys was just like hit that his parents owned. I slept there for a night and then we flew to Portugal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were there for 24 hours, we landed on a Saturday, we did an Invisible Children screening on Saturday night, and then the, uh, the people that had like, kind of organized it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the volunteers took us out on the town in Portugal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in Lisbon, and let me tell you, uhm, we went a lot of different places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite bar was this bar that was like, had eight different rooms and they were all full of knickknacks. Like wall to wall, ceiling, floor to ceiling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thousands of knickknacks on the wall everywhere. And there was one cabinet that was full of Nazi memorabilia, which was a little weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know, they, they had collections from all throughout history all throughout the world, so like, give them a break. Did you beat the boss? I did. Nice, James. I wasn't watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Anyways, long story short, that was the first night I had, uh, white Russians. I had many of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I remember, last thing I remember is, in the cab on the way to the airport, and then I woke up on the plane going, we are now landing in Frankfurt, in Germany. So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I blacked out in one country and woke up in another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you were going to say that the bus almost hit you and then you went into the restaurant and the bus was there at one of the tables on a date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I ever tell you guys about when I went and got, when I went and did my interview at Crunchyroll and what happened trying to get to the office?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went, uh, I took the Bart there and then I walked, uh, to the office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like the entrance, the office itself was very swingy, but the entrance, the front of the building was kind of old looking and it was like the door was kind of in this recessed area, so it was kind of hard to find.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then when I get in there, I walk in and it's very dark, and there's this elder, like, elderly man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a security guard jacket, sitting there behind, uh, the like desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, except one of his eyes is jutting out to the right and it's completely grey. And I was like, oh damn, this guy's like, this guy's had a life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I wa- I was like, hey, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, alright, and he stands up, uh, and then he slowly walks to the elevator, and I like slowly follow behind him, and we get in, uh, and he just kinda like glances at me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then pushes both six and seven, uh, and then we go up and then when it gets to six, he hobbles out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, this isn't the floor we're going to. And then he turns around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, he has this like look of shock and surprise as I'm still standing there like as the doors close. Like he turned around and like made out and was like, huh, like right as the doors are closing and I was like, all right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Have you seen that video of the guy, uhm, like, jokingly tapping a guy on the shoulder and then going around the other way? What it actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prevents the guy from his head being smashed in by like a pole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it's a security camera and the guy just taps on the right shoulder and then keeps walking and goes off frame. And the guy who's standing there looks over his right shoulder and is like, what? But then there was this like 18 wheeler or something turning onto the street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And something on the back of it comes off and it's just this huge pole and it swings across and the dude like jumps out of the way of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And basically had that drunk guy not pranked him, he would have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I was just gonna say, so a lot of people are like, this is an angel. Like this is the, this is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard evidence of an angel instead of it just being like a twinkie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love stuff like that. Uh, and that's like, that's another interesting thing is if you deep dive into anything, it gets really interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whether it's the communities revolving around those things or like, there's, there's so much depth to everything that we just don't know about because we don't, we aren't in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, another show kind of like, well that kind of reminds me of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in a different aspect, in the aspect of religion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this show called John Safran versus God? Uh, it's this Australian guy who I think was online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the first seasons of Amazing Race and people loved him, so he got like his own show. And it's basically him traveling around the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, experiencing every religion. Uhm, and there's only eight episodes. And it's, there are so many- What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, I think they do multiple religions per episode. I haven't watched it since like 2008. Uhm, but it, it's so, I remember it being so interesting, like at one point he goes to, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A, uh, like a voodoo, uh, event where they like sacrifice a goat and stuff. Uhm, and he's just like standing there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes a, it makes, it takes a twist and it's really interesting. Uh, but it's one of those things where like, John Safran versus God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know if it's streaming anywhere. I saw it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Safran versus God, I'll slack it to ya. It looks like a lot of the episodes are on YouTube now. Cause I don't think it was one of those shows that like got, you know, like DVDs or anything. So anyways, I think that's it for us. That's it? That's the whole thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we can go another three hours. Let's just keep going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, uh, thanks everyone for tuning in. Check out those two shows, John Safran vs. God, How To with John Wilson, and Finding Love with John Smith.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and we'll see y'all next week for the Wooby Dooby Super Duper Podcast. Actually wait! Wooby Dooby reminded me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so on, is it Tuesdays when it comes out? Uh, we're changing up comments. It's a new show that I, I'm gonna say begrudgingly, because I did not agree to this title. Uh, it's called Woo Woo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll have to watch it to find out what that means, uh, and then we also have the game that inspired this playthrough, uh, the Mario Speed Race.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's- I don't- I'm not gonna tell you when these are coming out, you just gotta keep an eye on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, and that's cause I didn't write him down. He doesn't know, yeah. Uhm, we did a, uh, holiday gift exchange. That's another thing that I thought was pretty fun. Oh yeah, I just watched that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who do you think got the best gift? Who do you think gave the most thoughtful gift?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, one of my most anticipated videos of the year, Peanut Butter Robot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This video is going to change the world. Peanut butter robot, what does it mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then of course, uh, this is something that I've piloted, and it's going to be a weekly segment. The Elise Willems appreciation series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I added that to the doc. Uh, it's just gonna be a video of us all talking about how much we love Elise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do. If you want news, why don't you go check out Inside Laming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, whereas, you know, Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine, they kind of lean into the aspect of let's create these really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thoughtful, artful levels where you go back into them and you approach them from different perspectives. Galaxy doesn't necessarily lean into that as much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always loved the first galaxy because I really like the framing device of the ship and how charming that is, but I know


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's kinda all I have to say about it. Uh, but yea, great games though. Great games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think N64 just has to get all the points though because none of these would exist without it and it just also, it changed the game. Oh yeaah. And besides from being an amazing game, it also just changed the game for everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, it makes sense because that was just such a pivotal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And why do you, why do you think the first Dark Souls was structured that way that they deviated for the other two?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like how James, you know, creative director of Funhouse, but he's also helping you with that concept album.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love when creators put those caps on their own work so either no one can continue it or replicate it, like doing those fire bombings where you kill your whole, uh, you know, it's essentially like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you not turn off the motion and just die?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it would be more in a rogue-like, where probably you'd play it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the Katamari games, like any of the Katamari games is something that I could just and I have and have like, you know, you pick it up and you'll just play random level because that's always going to kind of feel slightly different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't. Like, what is, what is the big takeaway from that? They're very nerdy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not to derail this discussion, but tangentially related, I sent Matt Peake and Ryan Haley a link today for three-person chess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did not want to get myself sunk into that. Uh, do you have a favorite Zelda item, item slash weapon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably a pretty basic answer, but the hookshot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's definitely a game too where if you put it down for a considerable amount of time, you will lose track of what you were intending to do or where you were going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I had just played through Jenny Le Clue, uhm, it got a, it's, it's, Jenny Le Clue is a delightful kind of point and click mystery narrative game. It's, I'd say it's geared toward a younger audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the art style and the writing is very charming. It's something that I definitely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, complex in any way. I think the game's definitely geared toward a younger audience and it's more about telling that story. So it's very like simple puzzles and stuff, but I still think it's a very charming experience. Nevertheless, it kind of like gave me this itch for I want a really good


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kind of puzzle very puzzle heavy game that I can get into and I was kind of digging around on the switch what's you know kind of cheaper and I know you love professional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What can I, what can I, for a couple bucks can I get? And I noticed like this game, Agent A.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that was pretty well reviewed and I think it had originally been on mobile, maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But basically you're a secret agent and you're infiltrating this spy's lair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you are tackling almost these escape room-esque puzzles to get through them and you, you saw me play a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just couldn't stop playing through it and then I would get stuck like twice. I think I got stuck and I said to James like, I just, I just don't know. And it'd be the kind of thing where once he starts watching me, then I go, oh okay, well I, now I see it. Now it's this and this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, it's just, it's very those cool environmental puzzles where it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to, you know, get this switch on the wall to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's definitely an increased stress level when you're the one that's driving it, when you can just watch somebody else and go do that, do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we took turns playing that and then like Little Hope we just played together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should put out a, a personal ad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved because it very much harkens back to the original Texas chainsaw massacre, the scene when they end up at the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, just decrepit families gathered around. It was just to me, it was like one of the most traumatizing scenes of that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously with the village aspect, but I do think it's gonna open up. I'm pretty excited for that game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I got so just like, just sick playing that and I don't know like what it was about the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I mean it's because it's first it's first person combined with just like really janky wobbly physics wobbly stuff but I got people in the comments were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then movers come and they move the TV out of the way and at the window behind it, Dawn's standing right there. Don't joke about that Elise, I'm gonna have nightmares.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's a great question, especially after this year, because we all got sidelined in our homes quarantining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but we had hoped to go to Nintendo Land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I've already said that I want to get the vaccine the way that in X-Men The Last Stand, the mutants, when they're going to get their, they have that gun that all the military have those, those, I want to get shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you'll be arrested because you don't have your mutant powers to help you get away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cody, our TD said I once got lost in Germany on my way to my friend's wedding. Oh! Nice!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one time James and I, we were in Sydney, and we were, you know, Sydney in the summer, beautiful weather, we were walking home from the opera house, I think, something like that, back to the hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close call. Close call, we missed it, almost hit by this bus. Woah. And then I said, man, I could really go for a hot dog. Right now, it's, you know, midnight or whatever. And we were walking past this, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This building and there's a, there's a restaurant there and they're inside, no really windows though, but there's a menu outside and James is like, look there's sauce, they have sausage. And he's like, let's go in here and I'm like, okay, so we go in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, this is strange and it's actually a restaurant that's part of a hotel, like an older hotel in Sydney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A British colony, Sydney has a lot of that kind of old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Because it was, it was the weirdest bar. It was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who look like they just got dressed up for the night to find their lost lover who are seated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the, all the furnishings feel very decadent and old and like they just came down from an attic, uh, but we were like, we were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, have you watched any of, I know I mentioned it, but how to with John Wilson yet on HBO? No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you would love it John, and there's an episode that's just about scaffolding in New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, because scaffolding is such a huge industry in New York because there are strict regulations about having scaffolding up if you have any kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the standard, it seems. Being, yea, being on a couch, you're like, how, so how do I even read this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I always think like, oh, developers are using like giant TVs. That is correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was just gonna say, I think that, uh, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's definitely something, uh, you know, if we look at web design.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're starting with the intent of having a dynamic scaling of everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what websites do and they do it from the beginning. Uh, so a lot of times it used to be that there was, you know, m.youtube.com and then youtube.com but now a lot of websites basically just in their CSS it detects the browser and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Arrange is all of those elements, scales them to the specific, uh, browser. Sure. If you're on mobile or if you're on desktop, it's all, it's the same website.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's just programmed to be different and to, to scale. Um, same with window size. It used to be that like, you know, windows were a certain width and if you made it, you know, just a little bit smaller, you'd have to scroll to the right, but now everything's dynamic. So it's definitely something that if it's planned from the beginning, it's 100% possible to do without


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, making all these crazy bugs. It's just that currently, yeaah, I think it's like- It's an afterthought. Yeaah, it's an afterthought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like the response to people you know, being vocal about it after the game comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the controller that you can completely customize and it's designed for accessibility.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] PlayStation on the opposite, what I feel is the opposite side of the spectrum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is allowing no backwards compatibility with controllers, uh, and there's this guy on Twitter, Joe Rivera said, uh, because of my disability, a PS4 controller is the only controller that I can hold comfortably enough to fully enjoy video games. Uh, I believe he has, uh, muscular dystrophy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and so he says he doesn't know if he'll be able to even play PS5 games. Uhm, so that's a huge bummer. I'd love for PlayStation to, you know, just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of just do the exact same thing that Microsoft did, come out with a controller that's more customizable, more, uh, has more options, uh, that's focused on accessibility. And then another thing is I feel like there are a number of accessibility options, uh, maybe not across the whole board, but that could be, um, console side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So rather than a game having to focus on stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if an Xbox or PlayStation had, uhm, you know, automated, uh, either text to speech or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different things like that. I don't know how exactly that would happen and it'd have to be, I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Google Lints does that thing where it can look at a picture and find the words, so maybe...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it could be something like that, a program that's basically just monitoring the game output and whenever it sees text it can just read it out. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just kind of other things like that, uh, I-I don't have a lot of examples, but I'm sure that there are things that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think that would be a lot better because yeah, instead of trying to get hundreds of different people to follow these guidelines, if just the, you know, the source could do it, then it would, it would fix a lot of problems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause, uh, I mean, weren't Alexa and Google assistant and all those different things, it's not locally on your phone. Like you can't do that offline. You ask them a question and they ping a friggin' super computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it processes it and sends it back. And I mean, same, Steve, I think you mentioned that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you use the captions, the online captions thing on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twitch, you were mentioning something about captions. Uhm, there's a plug-in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically that you hook it up to a website and you send your microphone and it will automatically generate captions that you can then overlay on your Twitch. Uhm, so that was kind of what gave me the idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not running it locally on my computer. It's another server.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But all the media, all the news sites spun it as, should Sekiro have easy mode? And it was like, no, that's like, that's not what we're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and hopefully you'll be able to turn off the goddamn motion controls in Bloodborne 2. Like, even as someone who has no, uh, you know, motion, uh, or motor skill, uh, issues. Ailments? Ailments, yeah. Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many times, because the emotes are connected to the way you move the controller, like,