[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like actively, like whatever, like yeah, let's go to London. That's fine. Like we'll make more money because then people will show up to the games because they're desperate for football. Cause they ain't showing up in Jacksonville unless they're dressed up as clowns.


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[Assistant] Billions of dollars on these franchises, or they're now worth billions of dollars. They have all the power here. And it reminds me, because you go even into college ball, which is obviously different, but Roger's even talked about this on the Pat McAvie show earlier this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And talked about the differences between college head coaches and NFL head coaches. Like NFL head coaches, you call them Matt, right? You call them what their name is. And then in college, you call them coach because they can legitimately ruin your life. Because if you like look at them wrong, you talk to them wrong, what have you, you can sit on the bench for four years and then you're never going to get drafted.


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[Assistant] Like that's the kind of power they have. The ownership is in a way because they're controlling for the most part and it depends on who the GM is.


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[Assistant] We've lost our tight ends coach to Denver, Nathaniel Hackett, our offensive coordinator to Denver, Luke Getzi to the Bears, and then we'll see what players we're about to lose in the next month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't answer that for another month. Because I have no idea who's gonna be on the team. MVS came out and said that he would be back regardless if Rodgers is, like he wants to be back. Like, ISEF said this for two years.


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[Assistant] We don't have wide receivers anymore. Legitimately, Al Lizard's a restricted free agent. We have Amari Rogers we just drafted. Randall Cobb is gonna get cut. Everyone else is a free agent. Everyone else. MBS, PQ, Davante Adams. All free agents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, and we might also not have RQB, Enzidaria Smith, maybe Preston Smith, maybe Adrian Amis, maybe Billy Turner, maybe Mason Crosby.


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[Assistant] He's an Uber driver and he's like, listen folks, you know, it's a crazy world out there. You might think you're safe in the back seat, but you should also buckle up.


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[Assistant] Wait a minute, real quick Brenna, I forgot I have a problem with you. Did you respond on Twitter yesterday saying that the Packers logo is lazy?


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[Assistant] She thinks it's standout to me. Obviously the NRC Championship game last year.


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[Assistant] Wasn't great, even though he gave us three interceptions, which was nice of him.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I will say probably my worst memory of Tom Brady actually doesn't even have to do with Tom Brady. It has to do with the Patriots because there is a season.


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[Assistant] When the Falcons kicked our ass in the NFC Championship game, they won 20, the 28-3 game happened next. And then before that with Russell Wilson, after we got bounced in the championship game, that was the one yard line game. So actually thank Tom Brady for both of those. So I'm actually okay with it.


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[Assistant] Do you have a, do you have something new? I don't know, a five way super bowl would be fine.


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[Assistant] No, I think, like, again, I think what you're saying in terms of


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[Assistant] What Five said before about not hiring someone is being discriminatory. No. Cause I don't think that's the issue at hand here. Cause that's not what Brian Flores is saying. Flores is not upset that he didn't get the job. The issue was the fact that the job was, in his eyes, obviously according to the allegations, that the job was given away before he even stepped foot in the building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the issue. And then when we're talking about like, Rooney Roll, yeah, Rooney Roll's garbage, right? You have the same amount of coaches, this was back in 2020, you have the same amount of Blackhead coaches in 2003 when it was Institute than you did in 2020. It's not working, right? It's definitely not working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the hypocrisy is, the NFL can't stand on a podium and say, look at all we're doing, diversity, is it the root of everything we do, foundation, and all this bullshit, because that's what it is when you literally just need to look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think like that's where there's this huge disconnect and the NFL can come out and they might be able to dispute a whole bunch of what Brian Flores has said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But at the end of the day, you can't write n-racism in the end zone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything, Tom Grosse is a whore. Is this, is this what we think of Tom for like, that's now what we call music. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think dressing as a Washington commander, like with a hat, like dressing in a jersey, like getting some like pants that are either like white or red. I think dressing at like, pitch to be the new mascot of the Washington commander. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I literally sent that, what was that, back in December? I didn't get some of them.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I'm going to be doing, uh, I'll be doing a team reaction video tonight. I actually was really tempted to do a six second video of just like a commander's fan reaction to the season. It's like, oh look, we're the commanders and then just end it. I was really tempted to do that.


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[Assistant] A guillotine. I got him a guillotine I would not let go. Like he was like, I would not let go.


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[Assistant] You know, I think I'm with Tom where I was trying to convince myself


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[Assistant] That if he went to the Packers, he feels kind of like a need there, a void where if he's healthy, he might be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That explosive player, it seemed like it would make sense because of the way Aaron Rogers sort of freelances, uh, giving extra time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For guys like Odell who did that really well in New York with Eli Manning, like that's where they made their living, was buying a little extra time, getting deep downfield. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Rams just, I mean, it makes sense in that they're a good offense. Their defense is, is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting better every week. Should be better with Von Miller. They're going to be a playoff team. But I don't know if like he actually puts him over the, I don't know how much better he makes them than they were like before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think you take away from a guy like Van Jefferson where he's playing...


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[Assistant] More and more of a key ro in the offense, getting,


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[Assistant] You're basically asking Van Jefferson to take a lesser role with Odell coming in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but, you know, I've watched the Rams quite a bit this season, and they do s-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, uh, if you want to bet on the Rams winning the Super Bowl, why don't you do that with DraftKick Sportsbook? Who's back, kid, baby? Back here, click bait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Dan Patrick School of Radio Broadcasting in Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, clickbait is the code. The link is in the description. So if you want to bet on some football, you do it with DraftKings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I, there's a small chance Odell could play on Monday night. There's enough time where he could be active for the game. So there could be some Odell bets, some player prop bets there. I will, I will watch that Monday and I'll probably take the under on whatever they are if he is playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but DraftKings, they've got same game parlays. Again, player props, live betting, so much more. And again, with the clickbait code. Uh, DraftKings is matching your first time deposit for new customers up to a thousand dollars. With code CLICKITY.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clickbaity. Clicky. Well okay, it's just clickbait. Don't put the Y in there, that's gonna mess up the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, clickbaitsports, DraftKings, do it, do it, do it. Uh, here's the thing. The one thing, the area he could help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is if an injury happens to one of the Rams receivers, the Broncos before the season started, we were like, oh my God, we have all of these receivers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jerry Judy, Cortland Sutton, you got Noah Fant, Albert Oh at your tight end positions. They had KJ Hamler, uh, Tim Patrick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People like, they should trade one of those guys for, for another player. Get a, you know, an area of need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, Will Keyes and I were like, no, no, no, you've got a depth at a very important position.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And right away, injury started tearing that group apart. KJ Hamler done for the season. Uhm, so like, that might be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if the Rams lose a guy and they have Odell to come in and pick up the slack there, that could be a big difference.


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[Assistant] Can I, can I say one last thing about Odell? Yes. I swear to God, if Odell Beckham Jr. prevents Cooper Cup


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[Assistant] AKA Vanellatron, from getting his 2,000 yard receiving season, I will never, ever forgive OBJ.


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[Assistant] Sean McVeigh guaranteed he would allow Odell Beckham to go to all of his auditions in Hollywood while playing for the Rams. That's the guarantee that OBJ signed there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said he had a hookup for, um, you know. Yeah, I can get you in the, the new, uh, Tarantino film. Yes.


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[Assistant] The Panthers, basically, uh, they're like somebody who got divorced, then got remarried, and then divorced the person they remarried so they could remarry their first wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the crazy thing, which I was gonna say before inject chicken made urinating trees net worth go way past all of that.


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[Assistant] The Panthers are a half game behind the Falcons in their division. The Falcons are currently a wild card team. They did just get Christian McCaffrey back. Their defense was good until Sam Darnold started turning the ball over and playing poorly. So, assuming Cam can come back,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play decent football, be a red zone threat, like Sam Darnold was when they were winning games early this season. Uh, there's a chance, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This move could look really good if the, like, the Panthers legit could sneak into the playoffs because of this move. And again, Cam was not good with the Patriots last year. I don't know if there's much left there with Cam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a team he's familiar with. He knows like McCaffrey played some of his best football with Cam there. So there's like a fit. It might work. It seems desperate, but I'll be kind of rooting for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we need, we need tree to just put out like a minute long, the most, uh, Stealer Jensers video possible.


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[Assistant] I trashed the cowboys. I just want to say, Dallas sucks. Dallas sucks.


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[Assistant] That is an overrated, overhyped football team. Maybe the worst football team I've ever seen. Why?


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[Assistant] Because they made the Broncos look like they had a juggernaut offense. They made me think Pat Shermer was worth keeping after this season something.


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[Assistant] Something I never thought I would stoop to believing.


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[Assistant] And they can't even block a punt correctly. They've got Jerry Jones complaining this week about a rule he didn't know about, calling it stupid.


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[Assistant] Jerry Jones is complaining about a weird, uh, caveat in the blocked punt rule the same week that taunting stole a victory away from the Bears.


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[Assistant] I don't know what happened to Dallas. I do know the Broncos haven't lost to the Cowboys since 1995. Every time Denver plays Dallas.


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[Assistant] You know what's hilarious? Is the broncos were up 30 to 0 in that game.


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[Assistant] They couldn't even come close to scoring 30 in the whole game. And, uh, it's not even scoring.


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[Assistant] Oh, to the crowd he was. To the crowd he was.


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[Assistant] It is kickers. Kickers, kickers, kickers when they miss. They're not even considered athletes. So.


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[Assistant] I think all kickers get two tries to make any field goal during the game in the name of sparing their feelings.


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[Assistant] They get three tries, but the third try they have to do it blindfolded. Okay. It actually gets harder when you go to 60 for some reason.


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[Assistant] So if we got to do that every week, oh man, that would be, that would be tough.


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[Assistant] My take as doctors are bad.


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[Assistant] And then he just flicks the ball right to a Dolphins player who had stepped out of bounds, but then reestablished himself in bounds, literally didn't have to move because the ball just came right to him. And we thought maybe Tyrod coming back, Tyrod coming back was going to, you know.


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[Assistant] Help the Texans a little bit. No. And I don't think Jacoby Brissette


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[Assistant] Gonna get it done Thursday night, so ravens by a million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, the Raven's mascot, having him dressed as that might be good.


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[Assistant] A Cassius Marsh thing would be good too.


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[Assistant] It's not the actual one, but I think with just a little bit of doctoring.


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[Assistant] Big shout out to UrinatingTree for showing up today.


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[Assistant] To this painting, I did want to shout, I wanted to shout out someone from Twitter, which we forgot to do like a week ago, who designed us


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[Assistant] But, uh, respect for putting it together. Joe, it's awesome. I just wanted to let you know, Joe, we saw it. It's cool. Forgot to shout you out, but we got your back. So.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I can show you some data in a minute here that will clarify.


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[Assistant] But in terms of traveling well, the Steelers are always the biggest problem for


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[Assistant] Invading the Broncos stadium. Like, it's a thing when the Steelers play here.


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[Assistant] People on Twitter, on the Broncos Reddit are like, do not sell your tickets to Steelers fans. And it always happens. They, they by far outnumber any other team showing up to the stadium. So I'll agree there.


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[Assistant] Brad, I think it's, what I don't like about the Cowboys getting hard knocks is it's their third time doing the show. Like that's just Jerry Jones swinging his old man, you know what, across the face of the NFL and getting what he wants. Some more TV time for his team.


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[Assistant] The good news for the rest of us is teams usually do worse after going on Hard Knocks. It is generally a curse. But there's a caveat, Scooter.


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[Assistant] Teams who have had a bad, really bad season and then go on hard knocks have a little bit better of a season.


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[Assistant] I always like, what would have been the better matchup, like, for the Super Bowl based on the playoffs? Like, with Tampa Bay as a team, which?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Team from the west, do you think would have been a better matchup for them in the finals? Or was it Montreal and Tampa Bay just that much better?


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[Assistant] One of the most famous Denver Broncos fans that we can call claim to.


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[Assistant] Another fun fact about Kurt Russell, has anyone played more movie roles with an eye patch than Kurt Russell? You've got Captain Ron, you've got Escape from New York, you've got Escape from LA, he's got an eye patch and all of those.


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[Assistant] Golf, for sure. Rogers, Rogers was money. They were using a lot of Rogers drives in this, in this match. Rogers out driving a pro golfer. His putting was clutch. The hardest part of golf, Rogers just murdered it. And old Tom Brady,


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[Assistant] Talking trash early started to get pretty quiet when he was losing. Tom don't like to be losing. And...


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[Assistant] The question I had was, who is Aaron Rodgers boss? Like, I think Rodgers just...


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[Assistant] Could be Shailene Woodley. Uh, thanks for all the Shailene comments early on in this stream.


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[Assistant] I think Broncos fans are, uh,


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[Assistant] Who almost died on a Kansas freeway, uh, just yesterday.


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[Assistant] He's totally fine, he's totally fine, I should have led with that. Let me get the, let me get the photo here.


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[Assistant] There's a really funny photo of Drew Locke, like, posing with the state troopers after that. Obviously just happy to still be alive. But like, if that thing went through the windshield and into the car, I couldn't- That's scary.


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[Assistant] With Frank Reich in, uh, Indie, that's like one of the most intriguing things for me to watch this season. Like, I think Carson Wentz


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a really good quarterback and then was a horrible quarterback. And I think it was more of the situation than really went. So I think he's going to a good spot. I think Frank Reich deserves more credit for what the Eagles offense did that Super Bowl winning season.


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[Assistant] So, I'm excited to see when it's there. Uhm, yeaah, and I agree, like, the Eagles are a dysfunctional organization, and in that whirlwind of dysfunction, they won a Super Bowl, and that rarely happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a piece of breaking news.


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[Assistant] Otani hasn't taken batting practice all season. So kids, do not practice because it's BS. Just be awesome at your sport. Practice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I watched, I actually watched more of the match than I did of the, the game won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I put them both on at the same time and then I just found myself drawn to the match, which I did not expect. Uh, I'm, I was glad to see the Suns win only for the purpose of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because they just pounded the Nuggets and the Nuggets obviously were without Jamal Murray in the playoffs, but they were like, they came together as this gritty team and they were winning and I just felt that momentum die against the Suns. I was like, oh, maybe the Nuggets


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[Assistant] But, uh, I'll watch some of this and I don't really care who wins. Like, I feel like both teams deserve to win and both cities deserve it. So I'll be happy with whatever happens. And I just like saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. 30 seconds on the clock. I'm going to click the countdown in 3... 2...


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[Assistant] I'll have a, I'll have a video tomorrow, uhm, subject TB.


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[Assistant] Let's, let's end this with true art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look into the camera and smile. Oh man, the sweaty armpits, the weird white splotch on his leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's funny is actually the pr- I was super nervous.


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[Assistant] For the interview, cause like I ran through, they gave me the questions beforehand, so I had, I knew what he was gonna ask me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody knows it, but it was really fun by the way. And I just, I'm so thankful that the MLB gave me an opportunity to do that. And, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm, uh, I feel great. That was my, that was like four minutes, six, I think six minutes of my 15 minutes of fame. So I have nine minutes.


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[Assistant] And honestly, like, worth every penny. You cannot, this is invaluable. You cannot put a price on talent like that, okay? But we will damn sure try.


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[Assistant] I think if he, if he opts out, I will get a tattoo of him dressed as Elmer Fudd on my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you never know whether I did it or not. Oh no, you would show that. But I don't think he opts out due to, how is he going to win a Super Bowl this year by claiming he opts, he's opting out because he's going to win on Jeopardy.


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[Assistant] Say that again, you kind of kirked out there at the little bit.


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[Assistant] So, I wanna, I wanna weigh in on this. So, uh, we, last week they,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of, uh, the NFL. Someone must have been like, hey dude, you're gonna get suspended for a while. You should do something about it. So he elevates his wife to co-CEO so he can puppet her from his couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's such a typical Dan Snyder sk- remember he sued a local newspaper for criticizing him. He is such a scumbag, like, and I have zero respect for this man, like, normally a businessman that bi- that makes them, you know, that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brings themselves up and becomes a billionaire somehow. I usually can respect them for some, like Robert Kraft I can respect, right? He might be an awful person, but see you Tom, by the way. Thank you Benjamin Tech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing with Dan Snyder is he's just, he's so tone deaf and he's just so ignorant of his...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His misgivings and how of his behavior that he just m- he's so completely dis- unlikable and I just- I cannot wait until he's not an owner and I think other owners in the NFL feel similar to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bottom five. Uh, in all of sports or just the NFL? All sports. All sports. Oh man, there's some characters that are pretty bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the video that you made with RDC World and all the other creators in the NBA house. It was very funny. I watched that as well. You gave very little shine to the Knicks. She was like, uh, we did better than we thought we would. And I thought that was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So tell me about meeting Kareem, cause, uh, and I'm sure the height was distracting, because I saw him at the Thanksgiving Day Parade from about 100 feet away, and he was... He thought he was a flight. Yeah, I was like, that is not a real person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's called CML, Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, and basically what, I know this is a little scientific, what would happen is your, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called a translocation, like your, your, uh, myeloid cells would flip their DNA backwards for some reason, and Novartis makes this drug that keeps that from happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, I'm getting some breaking news. Uh, it says Aaron Rodgers has not opted out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, so they were getting 10% returns on money that they gave Bertie Madoff, and they were like, oh, well the interest deferral on Bobby Bonilla's 6 million is gonna, we're gonna make so much money, like, trust me, stick with me kid, we're gonna be winners! And then, so until the year 2035, Bobby Bonilla turned-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So every July 1st, he gets a check for $1.183 million and that's going on until the year 2035. So if some company wants to pay me that in that manner,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be very happy to take 1.193 million dollars a year.


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[Assistant] So the Willpons didn't have the money, like, they didn't want to pay the money all at once, because they wanted to sign Mike Hampton and all these other free agents to make a World Series run. So they were just like, ah, we'll just, we'll get to that later. It was basically like refinancing a house, right?


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[Assistant] That's what's happening. To rewind back to the hockey, I just want to put my two cents in there. Scott, by the way, ScottieDude456 wants me to wear a Bobby Bonilla jersey as punishment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the, the, this series, this whole playoffs is eerily similar to the Rangers in 2014 when they got all the way to the finals when they rode a hot goaltender in Henrik Lundqvist all the way and the Canadians got there the same way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, riding, uh, Carey Price to the final and they're vastly outmatched by the Lightning.


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[Assistant] Right. So in hockey, there's three zones. There's the offensive zone, the defensive zone, and then neutral. And a lot of games are won in neutral, where if you're controlling that space and you're controlling that area, you can dominate, because that's where a lot of the offense comes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tampa could do is anticipate that and just clog that area and eliminate all that stretch passing.


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[Assistant] Get one or two goals and then shut them out and that would be it. If they go up three, nothing. And I think this series will be over in less than six games. I think it only goes five. Tampa, for them to steal a game like that and be up two, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a bad sign for Montreal. So, uh, by this time next week, you could have a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, him using his elbow like this and then Chris Paul did this little number and fell and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also saw Steve, uh, Steve Ballmer, uh, grab the eyes of his two compatriots on the, uh, courtside and then he must have been like, developers, developers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have never wanted to grab two other guys' thighs in, in, in any situa- like, even being a round tree at the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeah, if, if, if, you're not even old enough to remember the championships in the early 90s, so, like, I, I would never accuse you of being a bandwagon. Now, to me, what a bandwagon does is, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say all of a sudden Tampa's bad and say the Panthers get good and you're repping Panthers gear in two years or something like that, then I'm questioning your fandom, right? But if you're still repping your team like me being a Knicks fan even in the terrible years,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I did threaten to auction off my mixed fandom one time, but I did not. I said, I said I would not be sold to another team, but uhm, woah, what is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could have made them, uhm, do the Oklahoma drill, which is a major violation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom? Oh baby. Go around. You do the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I can dress as Bob Ross and paint the boat painting. Hell yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember the Giants boat picture? Oh, oh, okay, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember that year that the Packers were 15-1? I do, we lost to the Chiefs. It was that day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should I do them like George Costanza but it's James Dolan? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a video about baseball fields with weird ass colors and then, uh, most, uh, the polarizing career of Matthew Stafford will be coming up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, the most defensive, offensive players in the NFL. Because, uh, was it, LeBron said that Tom Brady doesn't have to play both ends of the floor?


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[Assistant] And, uh, I wanna find the players in football that actually have played both ends of the floor. And, uh, Will Keys has written another pristine script right there, and it's gonna be fun to make.


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[Assistant] He wanted to say it was something serious, but that's the real situation. He couldn't handle the loss he had last week and we were destroying him for that. I mean, they almost did one because Tampa Bay decided to fumble the ball four times, but we also have to remember, they still lost.


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[Assistant] Well, to be completely honest with you, I'm absolutely vindicated now, baby.


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[Assistant] Like what's his healing gonna be? Is it gonna be praying on the torn ACL? Reiki. Reiki.


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[Assistant] He put Justin Fields over Andy Dalton and Justin Fields only had like three plays.


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[Assistant] If you want to play wide receiver, I think the Giants might be looking for applicants. Just saying.


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[Assistant] After week one. Just above, uh, well, it's a one week, so that's why they're


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[Assistant] A thousand Washingtons. When you have a thousand Georges, you think you're in the royal family family. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] I completely buy it, man. You were a big deal that weekend, man.


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[Assistant] Well, you deserve to get humbled, Tom. I hope you enjoy it. I really hope you do.


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[Assistant] I hope he leaves and I hope he goes to Denver or the Vikings because you are going to be miserable and I'm going to love it so much. Your team's going to the downward spiral.


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[Assistant] Maybe he likes the self-criticism. Maybe it's one of those things. You know, certain people love Schadenfreude. Maybe he realizes, you know what? These fans aren't going to kiss my ass. So I'm going to go to Denver. I'm going to get smacked on by a guy who looks like Dr. Emmett Brown in 1955.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. I think you're getting it off of Wikipedia. I think that is plagiarism and you need to be expelled, sir.


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[Assistant] Are you ladies done bickering? No, no five. Go in the corner and let us pick our damn shopping grocery.


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[Assistant] Just like Gus Edwards and Marcus Peters on back-to-back days of practice. It was completely terrible, it is sad, and the Ravens lose embarrassingly to the Las Vegas Raiders, and their delusions get drunk like the fanbase does every single week. But otherwise, Dallas is hurting bad as well.


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[Assistant] Lyle Collins suspended for five games. Zach Martin had the Rona. He was out for week one. DeMarcus Lawrence busts up his foot.


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[Assistant] And is now out until early November. Uh, uh, Mr. Brandon Perna, Jerry Judy.


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[Assistant] Jameson Crowder, he was out with COVID. Uh, LaMarcus Schuenter's out for the season now. Blake Cashman and Braden Mann are out for a good bit. Marcus Davenport's gonna be out I think long term. Jeff Okuda's not only getting reamed by his assistant coach on the sidelines, his Achilles has also unfortunately been reamed and I feel bad for him because he's the third overall pick and he's pretty


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[Assistant] But we also have a couple more injuries that came out. Uh, Gerald McCoy is now out for the season. That also is not good. And I think, uh, uhm,


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[Assistant] It's incredibly shocking, but that's a lot of injuries and, uh, that's week two's usually worse because if I remember last year, everyone died on week two.


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[Assistant] Maybe, maybe people see through that. Maybe, maybe people are using the 5% of their mind that they use. You ever think that?


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[Assistant] So that's pretty much what college is gonna be these days. It's like, how to stream on YouTube. And they'll charge $50,000 at credit for it.


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[Assistant] I'm starting a new segment this week. It's called gambling with the tree. And here's my belief. You don't go with my bets.


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[Assistant] You go against what I say and you're gonna make a lot of money. Because let me put it this way, I had the Bills winning last week. I had the Raiders, I'm sorry, the Ravens winning last week. I had the Packers winning last week. I may have had the Dolphins winning last week, but that was a fluke because Patriots fumbled the ball all the time.


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[Assistant] I also had the Titans winning last week. You know why you do that? Because you're going to make money. I want you to make money. I want you to succeed because I am terrible at gambling.


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[Assistant] Draft Kings is also giving new customers $200 in free bets instantly when they bet $1 or more in any football game. So Washington versus New York Giants.


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[Assistant] I still go with Washington because the giants are terrible, which means that you should spend some money.


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[Assistant] On the New York Giants because they're going to win right now because I am a total jinx apparently. Remember a couple weeks ago, this past weekend, I went to Columbus, Ohio. Ohio State loses against Oregon.


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[Assistant] And Columbus. Day after, I go to Cleveland, and I get shot out in a combine, no hitter against Milwaukee. And then I go to Pittsburgh, and they somehow be baffling. So, you know what?


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[Assistant] Hard. Like that, so you know what, how about, let's go.


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[Assistant] I do their best ball, and I'm probably losing right now because once again I'm not good at gambling. But, that's my shielding for the night.


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[Assistant] It's a fantastic, that woman is a good woman.


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[Assistant] But they won the game. They won the game in spirit because Tom Brady is cheating. He is absolutely cheating. I am calling that a win for the Dallas Cowboys. America's team.


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[Assistant] Well, don't worry, Green Bay is gonna be with them in about a couple years too, so.


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[Assistant] Best indication. Oh don't worry, I'm gonna go early 80s to the point where your top draft pick is gonna go to Canada rather than play for the Green Bay Packers. How's that sound?


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[Assistant] And if I do, I wanna hear testimony about how much money everyone got by going against my bet. Tom, how old are you today?


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[Assistant] Or, you know what, I could go super size. Old Spice by Spice. Wow.


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[Assistant] So you say the giant, the sewage pipe will burst onto the field and the giants and Washington will lose by proxy? Is that what you're saying?


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[Assistant] A rat or mouse. It's like for Cinderella. It's like, does anybody actually, like, watch that guy?


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[Assistant] Is this their money laundering scheme? That's nasty. It's gotta be. Like they're buying it so they have like drug money or operations in Colombia or Venezuela. And that's how they're using it to undo, like get their profits and make them legalized.


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[Assistant] This is exactly what they're doing. Come on, nobody's buying that damn jacket. Unless it's out of a prank, like for me.


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[Assistant] Well, only 75 bucks, which is good for me because I'm not winning this week. I know who's winning! I know who's winning!


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[Assistant] Listen, I was roasted so much last stream, I had to go buy a whole nother house with internet.


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[Assistant] That's just disrespectful. Can you imagine the person doing this? The disrespect.


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[Assistant] Well, definitely the Giants, so that's two easy dubs right there for the Cowboys. I don't, it's gonna, we'll see about the Eagles, but the Giants, definitely.


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[Assistant] Check, type 1 right now if you think 5 points is delusional. Type 2 if you agree with them. Type 2 if you agree. Cause I need to see. I need to see this thing.


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[Assistant] But the real question is, what's happening after week one, hm?


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[Assistant] Five points, you gotta do something, and vice versa, for Perna. What are we thinking, chat? Tom, as moderator, what are we thinking here?


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[Assistant] I just thought it was referring to the potency of the cheese. So that's where I was at.


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[Assistant] I still have four on the, I don't, maybe this is just wrong.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I see one scheduled, but I don't see the other ones are TBA.


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[Assistant] Player development? How are you taking a game away from the preseason? Most of the preseason games are not starters.


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[Assistant] The football players themselves, these people doing this profession, this is gonna hurt those guys. Right? As a fan? Sure. Preseason's boring. But if I'm a player, if I'm someone trying to play football,


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[Assistant] This is terrible for me. I'm not getting looks anymore. I barely get looks in practice. All right. Now I have no ga- I can't even showcase myself. I'm an undrafted free agent. This was my time. Now I get cut. Now I'm not in the league.


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[Assistant] I hate that they cut this game out of the preces. And a lot of people on Twitter were with you five points, they were with you, but I feel like those people just don't understand, like,


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[Assistant] The end of the bench players, the people who may or may not be on a team, the people like us, who they're just one week away from being out of a job, now


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[Assistant] Hold on, you're thinking that Trevor Lawrence is starting week two? That's your thought process? Oh, he's starting week one.


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[Assistant] I think the worst thing that would happen for the Jags, they start gardening with you, trying to get Trevor Lawrence, you know, up to speed, NFL ready.


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[Assistant] And Gardner balls out of control. Now what do you do?


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[Assistant] So by this logic, should the Broncos then also sign Colin Kaepernick? Cause then...


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[Assistant] Because week one, in comes Tom Brady, in comes the bandwagon of all the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.


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[Assistant] And so, that's gonna set the tone. We can lose this game, but if we play well, that's gonna give us the momentum we need.


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[Assistant] The only other place that I am seeing we might slip up chat. Follow me. Come with me. We're going to week. What is this? Oh my gosh. I have to count. We're going to week.


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[Assistant] We're going to November 24th. I don't even know what week this is. November 21st, we play the Chiefs. Okay. At Kansas City.


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[Assistant] Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. We're going 6-0 in the division.


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[Assistant] Oh, oh, you're saying, you're saying Giants, Washington, Cardinals, Eagles. I'm saying that those games might not even matter.


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[Assistant] We invested all of our draft picks into the defensive side, basically.


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[Assistant] Okay, so we're showing up the defense. If Dak comes back and he's even 80% of himself, 80% Dak gets us to 15 and 2.


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[Assistant] How you look at the Eagles is how I look at the Giants. Okay, I feel like everyone should be thinking.


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[Assistant] I would say the Cowboys now have the second best receiver core. We had the best receiver core, and then the Falcons drafted, uh, Cowpits. Okay, I think that puts them at number one, but then right underneath, Amari Cooper, CD Lamp.


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[Assistant] And we got Blake Jarwin coming back off of injury. Could be one of the best tight ends in the league.


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[Assistant] Can contribute to why Zeke maybe is not rushing like him old self.


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[Assistant] Let me ask you something about McCarthy, since you have the expertise in this area. Absolutely.


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[Assistant] What is, is he over the offensive department? Does he give the OC?


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[Assistant] Some leniency to do what he wants, some, uh, autonomy.


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[Assistant] You look at the stats. Numbers don't lie. Barry would have been the best had he kept doing it. Okay? I'll give you that. He would have! There's not enough. Not enough. He didn't play long enough. He can't be the best. He's like...


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[Assistant] Bo. Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson probably would have been the best.


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[Assistant] I just, it's just, I look at it like this, right? Brett Farr has all those records, but he also has what records?


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[Assistant] He has the negative stuff too that no one's talking about. We're just talking about the highlight.


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[Assistant] When I can sit back and finally realize I have secured the 15-2 record because Ben Danucci, starting at quarterback, brings it home and beats Washington in a game we don't even need to win.


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[Assistant] Zero donations today. Crucial. Keeping me right where we need to be. Not the winner. Thank you, Chad. I appreciate you. But you can find me at youtube.com slash Scooter McGruder. Listen.


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[Assistant] I've been working on this podcast for the past three weeks. Uh, it should be done. It should be done. Listen!


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[Assistant] And you're not here, someone's not here, you can transfer over.


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[Assistant] I thought I would feel bad about it, but I feel like this is community service because this is the first time there's been a real quarterback in a Vikings uniform, so.


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[Assistant] Tommy Kramer? Yep. Nope. I, cause that's what they got a big old goose egg when it came to Super Bowls. That's it. That's why Dan Marino had to do Ace Ventura for money because he didn't win a Super Bowl. Wow.


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[Assistant] I imagine, right, it's LeBron versus Steph Curry, right? I got that right. Okay.


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[Assistant] They're playing horse, and basically they both have H-O-R-S, and the next basket sinks it and spells out horse, and LeBron was able to do that, and Steph Curry wasn't, which is why the Lakers won the game.


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[Assistant] Okay, so one through eight. And so which one is that one taking? It's taking the eighth seed spot or the seventh and the eighth are now up for grabs.


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[Assistant] Or, that's the thing, or don't have the 17 regular games and replace that crap with what you're saying, and then I'd definitely be okay with that. Like you said, have that first thought in mind.


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[Assistant] Seven? That's what I'm asking. So right now the Lakers are seven. Lakers are seven now. Who's six?


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[Assistant] Little too far, buddy. I just want to say what I said was not as bad as that. So I'm off the hook now and I'm good. Can we get some?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so to your point, because that's kind of like what we were talking about in our pre-production meeting, uhm, when, uh, I brought this up that like people were pissed about that, right? Tebow hasn't played in like so amount of time and like he's getting these opportunities because of these connections, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.


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[Assistant] I saw a counterpoint on this that I kind of agreed with at the same time, even though I do see both perspectives. But like, if you can't beat out a guy who hasn't played football in X amount of years, who was a quarterback and is now transitioning to tight end, and you can't beat him out as a prospective NFL player to get on the roster,


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[Assistant] Then like, that's your job to do that. Now, I completely understand. If the Jaguars are like, listen, we're trying to make a whole bunch of money, so we're going to throw Tebow out there like once a game.


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[Assistant] Then listen, like I get the criticism, but at the same time, like if we're looking at the NFL as a business, as it is, like I get it while the Jaguars are doing, I think it takes away from the competition of the game. But I mean, like it is what it is kind of thing. Five points. I appreciate your hand.


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[Assistant] Now again, if it was for the NFC championship game, like the other, like the later half, then I would say maybe we, we, we do a little talking, but that's after the trade deadline, so that's a little problematic. Pay them for the second half of the championship game? Yeaah, that'd be great. Just one quarter.


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[Assistant] I mean, honestly, the thing with the Packers is, I know we just got Amari Rogers, but the Packers need to get younger receiver.


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[Assistant] Uhm, because after this year, besides Amari Rodgers who we just drafted, there's no other wide receivers who are expected to be on the roster or because all their contracts are up. So like Devonte Adams, he's up in the air because who knows what's going on with Rodgers, MVS, Equinemia St. Brown, they're all free agents. Devin Funchez, he's a free agent. So like, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Evan Funches? Yeah, he signed a two year deal and sat out last year because of COVID, so he's still, uh, gonna be playing this year. He took a pay cut. So, yeah, uhm.


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[Assistant] No, I'd love to get Julio, but one, he's aging, two, we couldn't afford him even if we wanted to, and three, I will never forgive the Denver Broncos for cutting Case Cookers. Uh, I already hated the Giants for doing it, because the Giants did it first, you broke his heart first, don't sit there, you know you did it, and now the Broncos did it. So now both of you. Done.


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[Assistant] No, I forget. But didn't they just sign Driscoll? Yea, they did sign Driscoll. It's alright. So, someone's gonna try to assassinate Tyron Taylor by poking him with a needle again this season, and Driscoll's gonna get the call up.


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[Assistant] Yup. He's had injury issues too, but yeah, I mean, I remember him coming out of the first and I was like, Ooh, he's going to be dangerous on there. And then, and then he did nothing.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I was thinking about putting out a video today, I don't know if I'm gonna, we'll see. I mean, I haven't streamed, so it still counts. Uh, if it is, it's gonna be the NFC South predictions, uh.


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[Assistant] It would have been four in a row if it wasn't for a lob last week.


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[Assistant] Thank you, thank you, thank you. Alright, figure it out guys. Alright, so, Hon, what are you at now? Five.


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[Assistant] No, you hit the clip and then you hit go live. It's simple. We do it on the dumpster fire every week.


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[Assistant] And before we get started, I just want to say one thing. The way that the super chats work on this stream, again, is if you contribute to the, uh, content creator that you want to suffer the ignominy of some type of shame.


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[Assistant] Give him some bits. I want to see Scooter in a Giants jersey, maybe a red ski- a football team jersey. Sorry, I almost got us demonetized officially.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we, we, we'll think of something for you, Scoots. We'll think of something.


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[Assistant] We know who it's gonna be. We all know. It's gonna be PNi School.


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[Assistant] I see no scenario where the Jets do not take a quarterback. They got rid of Darnold for this very purpose. They're going to take someone. I don't think they get cute and take Justin Fields. I think it's Zach Wilson very easily.


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[Assistant] My thing is though, San Francisco really needs to nail this pick. They gave up a lot of capital to get into that three slot. They have to have their guy. They have to know who they're taking. Like they know one and two's going. They've already got this pick locked and loaded.


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[Assistant] I honestly think it's Fields. He's, he's a Kyle Shanahan type quarterback, meaning he'll be good and somehow get really devastatingly injured in two years and just be out of the league.


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[Assistant] I've always wondered what Mac is short for. It's kinda like, what is Barry short for?


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[Assistant] See, here's the thing, right? Like, Terry is short for Terrence. What is Barry short for? Barrence?


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[Assistant] We'll do the rest some, whenever.


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[Assistant] I'm voting for Kyle Pitts too. He's the best player available at that, at that slot and they'd be dumb to pass on the best place potentially.


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[Assistant] Which jersey, which team that Kyle Pitts goes to will you not purchase a jersey for?


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[Assistant] Wait, wait, I didn't get a vote. I want to say Devonta Smith because Tua, you know, used to play with that guy. He loves separators.


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[Assistant] He can bulk up. That's why they make oats and steroids. Come on, man. He's gonna be a beast.


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[Assistant] If he falls to the Giants at 11, would you be upset by that?


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[Assistant] Congratulations. Now it starts to get really tough after the first six.


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[Assistant] Also, it's glowing my mind, okay, that we're eight picks in and, uhm, Surtan and Fields have not been taken, neither has Devontis Smith.


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[Assistant] That might be something that, uhm, Elway has to do to break the stigma, right, of his, you know, of drafting tall, uhm, transparent quarterbacks. Like, he would have to go for fields to show people that he is not stuck in the hole.


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[Assistant] That's a sexy pic too. That's, that's right up Jerry Jones's alley right there.


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[Assistant] Here's the thing, if, if Slater's not there, Dershaw is not...


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[Assistant] A big enough consolation prize. He is so much lower than Sewell and Slater.


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[Assistant] So then you just go with the sexy pick, which would be Devonta Smith or Waddle. And I honestly, I'd be happy with either one of those because they're weapons, but you're going to have to draft more linemen, uh, an edge rusher down in the draft and, um,


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[Assistant] I'm going with the light man. I'm going with the, I'm going with the 160 pound beast cause he's kind of my build and uh, not my speed for sure.


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[Assistant] And Bangle, my boy Bangle's in the chat, he says Waddle's better, and I, I, I, I defer to his expertise, but Smith is sexy. We all saw him. We all saw him.


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[Assistant] And if he's not there, then you either trade out the spot or you take the best available. And that's probably Waddle. Bangle's probably right. He knows more about football than me, but my heart, my heart.


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[Assistant] Wow. Is he gonna hide a cell phone in the goalpost?


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[Assistant] I think they take bare, like, let's, let's draft absent of trades, but that is a great, I mean, that, that could very well happen. I, I, I do see the Patriots. I'm surprised they haven't made the move yet, but they're probably waiting for every, everything to happen.


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[Assistant] Wonderlic is probably Brandon's prison nickname, by the way. Just putting that out there.


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[Assistant] The, the dolphins are so in the driver's seat. They've, they're coming off a 10 win season and have two first round picks and like, I think 86 other picks in this draft and, and 20 more next year. So they are, they're going to be good for a while. I think they take the tackle.


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[Assistant] Remember, it is Washington. They have to go for the biggest name in the draft so they can sell PSLs that aren't on a waiting list. So I think they go with Samuel Jr. here.


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[Assistant] It just depends on whether they continue to mask all their defensive problems by giving the ball to King Henry, you know. So.


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[Assistant] Which, which they very well could. Uh, but yeaah. I, I, I agree with you, Tom.


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[Assistant] It's getting pretty thin at guard right now, in depth right now.


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[Assistant] Just draft him. At this point, we're just throwing darts at a board anyways. Just draft the guy, okay?


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[Assistant] I think they have to pick offensive line, like you're not getting a quarterback at this stage and you're not, I mean if this is your one, if you assume that this is your one piece away, you need offensive line help.


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[Assistant] The Jags though, if their strategy is not to win now, which it should not be, they've got to protect Lawrence. They cannot fall into the Joe Burrow trap. I think they take a tackle here.


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[Assistant] You don't think they make a massive overcorrection and take a wide receiver to appease?


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[Assistant] Well, you, you saw it happen against the Chiefs. They just got outran, you know, so, uh, they need that. Yeah. Let's go with Jason Elway.


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[Assistant] I think that the, uh, Buccaneers draft ponds daily on and his fountain of youth to keep, uh, Tom Brady as young as possible.


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[Assistant] What maligned wide receiver can he sign off the scrap heap? Can he somehow work Justin Blackman and, um, uh, Josh Gordon back onto the team?


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[Assistant] At this point, it'll be some esoteric player that we have no idea who it is and they'll pick them and they'll turn them into a star or a solid player.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if they take Najah Harris, that'd be a steal for them. Alabama running back coming right to a Super Bowl winning. It's, it's kind of like the chiefs getting Clyde Edwards to layer, like the rich get richer.


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[Assistant] Alright, I think since we completed this draft, we have to add up the totals here and decide who gets punished and what it is.


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[Assistant] Right, we, we have to, it has to be football related so that we can revel in your pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about this, Scooter? A t-shirt that says Eli Manning is a Hall of Famer.


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[Assistant] Two Lombardies, Eli Manning is a Hall of Famer, I will put him in Canton. Something, and if that doesn't exist, you have to get the iron on and put it on a tank top or something.


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[Assistant] Oh, you have to wear that link. Stop clicking on it.


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[Assistant] Send it on Twitter. What does the shirt say? Describe it for me.


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[Assistant] This man, that is what peak performance looks like fellas. That is what it looks like.


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[Assistant] I'll go first. Uh, I actually in, at eight o'clock, I am dropping a video on how Larry Metuncil's bong may deliver the Dolphins a Superbolt.


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[Assistant] Yeah, four out of the five of us was in that video.


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[Assistant] Uh, I think it is going to be Justin Fields. Uhm, based on one photo, which is the thumbnail for this episode, where Justin Fields is standing very close to Kyle Shanahan with a big smile on his face.


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[Assistant] And if you're next to, if you're that close to Kyle Shanahan smiling that hard and you play the quarterback position,


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[Assistant] I think he's your guy, and I think Kyle Shanahan proved he has a lot of power because just based on that interaction, Justin Fields stuck back up.


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[Assistant] Six inches of separation guys, six inches. I want to see daylight between the wastes. Well, back then it's probably about three, but.


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[Assistant] Kyle Shanahan's been part of a team that drafted two QBs in the same draft before after trading up to get one. So maybe they take Kyle Trask in the third or fourth round. Maybe Scooter.


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[Assistant] Anytime you can associate something you're supposed to ingest with piss, probably gonna sell a lot. Gonna move a lot of product.


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[Assistant] Thanks for asking. It's almost like we planned it.


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[Assistant] Today, I'm, I'm cruising Twitter, you know, like you do in the morning, trying to figure out what you're gonna talk about. And, uh, I followed Dov.


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[Assistant] Anyway, he had the, the draft photos of Carson Wentz and Jared Goff and what the Eagles and Rams gave up to trade to get those two quarterbacks.


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[Assistant] And he just had a simple caption that said, this didn't work out too well.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and then Eagles beat reporter Mike K quote tweeted it with,


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[Assistant] The Eagles don't get to the Super Bowl without this move, which I agree with.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and then later in the day I saw Carson Wentz trending, I was like, why is Carson Wentz trending? Did the, did the cults trade him again? It was because of this tweet, so I was like, oh good, I'm glad I made this my take that I hate, uh, because


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[Assistant] Both the Rams and Eagles get to the Super Bowl after drafting these quarterbacks. Uh, so I think right away, you can't say, uh, drafting these two guys were a bad move. And I think just because both Carson Wentz and Jared Goff


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[Assistant] Got paid too much money by the Rams and Eagles a little bit later. You shouldn't write off guys who played.


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[Assistant] Pretty dang well for their organizations and, uh, Carson Wentz was having an MVP year before he got hurt and then Nick Foles


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[Assistant] Uh, it was easier than watching Dak rehab his ankle in the hospital every week. And Jared Goff! Jared Goff!


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[Assistant] Sure, not super impressive like Wentz, but I mean, he out-dueled Mahomes on that Monday night spectacular game and then got to the Super Bowl and lost.


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[Assistant] Led his offense to three points. Wasn't great, but, uh, I just think it's unfair to those guys. And Dak was the best quarterback taken in that draft. Scooter, but other than those guys, like,


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[Assistant] The guys taking after them, Paxton Lynch to my Broncos, thank you very much. Christian Hackenberg, Jacoby Brissette, Cody Kessler, Connor Cook, then Dak, then Cardale Jones. So I think those teams, unless one of them was smart enough to take Dak, which you wouldn't need to take up top,


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[Assistant] Pretty good moves by the franchises. Pretty good moves.


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[Assistant] Being drafted by the Cleveland Browns, who were the team that took a quarterback before the Patriots.


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[Assistant] I don't think anybody believes Tom Brady would have the career that he did if he went to Cleveland when they were at their like, they were at their absolute worst. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] One second, one second, one second. I have to comment on Tom's, uh, take that he hates.


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[Assistant] Because I think Tom's just been a little bit spoiled with great quarterback play. He went from Brett Favre to Aaron Rodgers and in his argument he said if


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[Assistant] I was, uh, and I only, I recognize that as somebody who, uh, came off of Peyton Manning High and have been, uh, rock bottom ever since.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I would do that too if I was talking about a different sport other than football.


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[Assistant] Okay, first of all, I wanna say, for YouTubers who work from home complaining about traffic, irrelevant. Uh, dental work, have any of you had a pallet spreader or headgear? I don't think so, don't complain about back-trapping.


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[Assistant] Uhm, cutting your fingernails. I just hate doing that.


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[Assistant] Let me explain why my answer is actually playing chess with your checker game here. Because if I get rid of wiping my butt, then I don't have to wash my hands, which means I've gotten rid of two inconveniences with one fell swoop, which I won't be doing anymore to my bottom.


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[Assistant] My private browsing mode on my phone, I'm pretty sure that's dirtier than my toilet handle.


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[Assistant] And it has nothing to do with his off the octagon issues.


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[Assistant] The super chats are used to determine the loser of the episode, which is why Adam's in a Yankees jersey and Urinating Tree is in the Antonio Brown jersey and I feel like


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[Assistant] What's his relationship with Dana White like right now? Bad or good?


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[Assistant] Uh, safe. Safe because him and Dana White are, are on good terms. Cause they can make money. It's all about the money. Not about the skill, about the money.


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[Assistant] Was John Jones the guy whose toe broke sideways during the fight?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'll say safe and I'll say, uh, that a pretty good punishment would be making somebody use their money to contribute to her.


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[Assistant] I'm pretty torn on what the Falcons are going to do here.


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[Assistant] I'm going to say not safe and that they stay put and they just take Kyle Pitts.


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[Assistant] Or, uh, uh, the best offensive lineman in the draft. Something to help their team win now with Matt Ryan because they could actually do that. They've got the quarterback, uh, their defense needs help, but I say they stay at four and just take a really, really good football player.


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[Assistant] They're, they're having to bank on a team like my Broncos to be all in on a quarterback to move to four. And at four, you're, it's, it's just like a dicey position and they have to really hope a team loves a QB and that that QB is not taken in the first three. And the Falcons sticking at four actually can get this probably


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[Assistant] And the thing with Matt Ryan is he's healthy too. It's not like Roethlisberger where he's been injured quite a bit in the last couple years of his career where he actually worried like,


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[Assistant] He plays every game and any injury he has is minor. Drew Brees, you could start this, you could see the injuries starting to come. Like, Tom Brady's still healthy. Is Matt Ryan a toxic quarterback?


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[Assistant] Jimmy Garoppolo is a star. At least he lays with them.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, Ryan Grigson killed Andrew Luck. Ryan Grigson did more than kill Andrew Luck.


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[Assistant] Here's the thing, whoever the 49ers draft, that's the best quarterback in this draft.


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[Assistant] They're the best team. They're picking top three. Like Trevor Lawrence going the Jags. Don't feel good about that. No clue what the Jets are going to do. They've got a ton to prove as an organization. Robert Sala, first time head coach. Whoever the 49ers take is the best QB in the draft.


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[Assistant] Kyle Pitts or Jamar Chase? Who do you take? I take Pitts.


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[Assistant] You can't have robots making the call. I know who AI is taking out with their first move. Adam.


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[Assistant] And I say safe. Nice knowing you guys. Because, Matt Holiday, also safe.


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[Assistant] We're gonna find a uh, fart OnlyFans account that Adam has to donate the next time he wins.


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[Assistant] We had a wonderfully terrible today, terrible day over here at That's Good Sports totaling three.


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[Assistant] Buying a jersey was like a really, like a cop out sort of thing, like, oh, who cares?


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[Assistant] But like coming to grips with the fact that I have to buy a Tom Brady jersey


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[Assistant] Really does hurt. Like, there's nothing on earth I would...


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[Assistant] Both. It goes straight to Brady's pocket.


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[Assistant] Till death do us part. In Vegas, in a shotgun wedding, renewing your vows for the third time. And you know, with a busted lip and a broken tooth, he'd fit in well in Pittsburgh. So you know what? Hey Dwayne, welcome to the family, brother.


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[Assistant] I mean at this point it's just like an unfortunate circumstance and we're already at the point, I mean it's kind of a double standard where we're already talking about like, you know, in the ways that like a man got the shit beat out of him and there's another quarter. Sorry about that.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I, yeah, but if this were the other way around, if we were talking like, oh,


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[Assistant] We're asking like how he beat his woman, like that would be considered like heinous. We'd be saying like, get out of the league, you're finished. So that's the way I see it. I don't think there's going to be any like repercussion right now.


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[Assistant] He had married somebody who was roughly over 20 years his senior. It was a woman named, I'm looking it up right now, Amalia Tabata Pereira.


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[Assistant] And she was accused of faking a pregnancy and stealing a baby to fool her husband into thinking he was the father.


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[Assistant] In March 2009, Tabata Perera posed as an immigration official and threatened a migrant worker and her boyfriend with deportation if they didn't give her baby girl to Perera.


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[Assistant] And then she pled guilty. Like she was absolutely insane. That's who I think of.


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[Assistant] Phil Hartman's wife, which was more tragic than anything.


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[Assistant] She's probably the most famous for it, right? Oh yeah, and she's still famous for it. She's been writing on that for like 30 years.


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[Assistant] Uhm, you have to give credit to the people around him, because Chris Godwin was really good in that Super Bowl, also Mike Evans. Gronk had a touchdown or two. And Michael Jordan is indeed the GOAT. Sorry, LeBron.


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[Assistant] I hope you enjoy your release of Space Jam 2. I will not be watching.


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[Assistant] This is the only reason why Myles Garrett has controversy.


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[Assistant] He's a good player. He is. He's a very good player. It's just that one moment that kind of messed him up.


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[Assistant] Your top five, Aaron Donald. He's probably your number one.


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[Assistant] Right. George Allen, Pat Mahomes, you make the argument for Rogers, uh, Brady's probably not up there yet.


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[Assistant] This symbol is now illegal in the eyes of the Big 12. The horns down jester is now being cracked down by the Big 12. If you do a horns down to a Texas player as an opponent, that's probably going to be a foul. Big 12 coordinator of officials Greg Burke said,


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[Assistant] Probably would not be a penalty. So now, general taunting in this regard, horns down is now illegal in the eyes of the Big 12.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I think it's rather crappy. I think it is soft as heck. It is like literally toilet paper soft. I can cuddle with it and I will have the greatest sleep in my life in terms of soft. Uh, we'll go right to wild flower or wild scooter, I should say. How do you feel? Suppose like an opponent weren't allowed to do the gator clap to you.


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[Assistant] Well, let's suppose I wanted to do the metal sign like this, and instead I accidentally am like this because I'm upside down. Am I gonna get penalized by the Big 12? Because I'm technically doing horns down. Like, is the entire state of Texas going to come after me?


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[Assistant] I don't, I'm not surprised by that. I think it would. Uhm, Mr. Five, how do you feel about this? Uhm, any situation comparable?


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[Assistant] Well, stole the pig or he drunkenly ran a blimp into the star kicker's leg room.


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[Assistant] What's gonna happen is they are going to go to the breweries, they are going to raid the beer, pour that all over the streets, everyone's gonna get drunk, they're gonna take a bunch of fryers and everyone is going to have cheese curds fried on the damn street. And there's another quarter. That's what's gonna happen in Milwaukee.


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[Assistant] I'm not a big McGregor guy. I mean, he has his, um, his, um, his scotch that he's probably going to punch people over in a bar again because they don't want to drink it. But, I mean, McGregor likes to talk and he'll probably want to rematch in due time.


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[Assistant] I didn't know you agreed with me on that.


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[Assistant] Actually, an expansion draft livestream probably by myself, maybe a couple guys here or might join in for the Seattle crack and on next Wednesday.


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[Assistant] Welcome to Clickbait Sports, where Brandon Perna


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[Assistant] Oh, okay. So you've been to his house. That's a flex right there.


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[Assistant] It, it will be new to us, just like it is new to all of you. It'll be all the first time. Uhm.


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[Assistant] Yes, it'll be amazing. Alright, first segment is Baker Mayfield has beef with, uh, Odell Beckham Jr.?


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[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know what's going on here. I know the, the, between them two. I know that Odell's dad.


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[Assistant] Things are getting a little ugly there. The question is, I have for anyone in the gallery here, uh, is it Baker that causes these problems or is it Odell Beckham? I'll save my answers for later.


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[Assistant] Uh, I think anytime your parents, uh, um, fight your battles for you, I remember my dad talking to my baseball coach, like I made two errors in the first inning. And then I, later that game, I got like a double and my dad was like, hey, uh,


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[Assistant] And this is my high school baseball. This is like high school varsity. He's like, I think that double made up for the two errors. I was like, dad, don't ever talk to my coach again.


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[Assistant] Double did not make up for those two errors. Okay. And we lost the game. Yes. No, we won, but I had a very awful start to that game. That's fair. Don't ever have your parents fight your battles. I'd rather have Kevin Durant's Burner come to my aid.


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[Assistant] 1600 yard seasons and carrying the entire offense. Odell Beckham in his first four years, after he got his quads checked out or his hamstring fixed, whatever weird injury he started his career with, was one of the most productive receivers in NFL history. And you put up with that.


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[Assistant] When he is putting up seasons like that, but now he is not getting open. He is not healthy and Baker Mayfield, it don't matter what big Baker Mayfield will find you if you're open. It don't matter.


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[Assistant] So, when this attitude starts coming out, when you're not catching the ball, all it is is, I don't hear any balls getting ca- caught, I don't see any one-handed grabs, all I hear- Is that because of Baker Mayfield though?


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[Assistant] All I hear is gums clappin' from Odell. That's all I hear.


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[Assistant] Since you were in a good sport and went out and got a perm, Big Hurt Rocks, uh, Scooter's meme guy put together a little present for all of us. And this is going to be the worst thing we will ever see on Clickbait Sport.


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[Assistant] He's gonna be checking out the melons and a woman's gonna go and write up to him and say, see anything else you like?


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[Assistant] Alright, let's, uh, awkwardly transition to Aaron Rodgers!


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[Assistant] Uh, I got a little picture here that I have loved.


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[Assistant] There's more. He wasn't just not, you know, he didn't just use the homemade recipe. He


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[Assistant] So I think that the Packers- oh go ahead, go ahead, Brandon.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's probably going to have to play in the KHL, but I think a suspension is worthy. If you're lying, if you're trying to defraud, if you're trying to


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[Assistant] Now, I guess we need, oh, one last question I have for you, Tom, is, what if this affects seeding, right? Like, what if the Packers go out and lose the next two games because


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[Assistant] What happens there, like, what does, what happens with the Packers fan base when they're all in quarterback, uh, cost them a chance at the Super Bowl?


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[Assistant] Yeah, well TB12 is not gonna get COVID. He just, he just uses his method and he fights it off. That's it.


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[Assistant] We're gonna go to the next segment. I think this topic has been talked about a lot and we don't really need to revisit what Henry Ruggs did. I think all of us, the world has agreed what happened was awful. We mourn the loss of that young lady and her dog.


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[Assistant] Uh, when Henry, Henry Ruggs had inexcusable behavior, 150 miles an hour. What I want to talk about on this show is...


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[Assistant] Derek Carr and his response and his statements. I don't know if we have the clip of him if someone wants to grab it. That's what preparation is here. Uh, Derek Carr basically.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it's no secret that Derek Carr is a devout Christian.


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[Assistant] Uh, but I think what he said transcends all religions because he approached it from a standpoint of, look, this guy Henry Ruggs messed up badly. And I think a lot of people were ready to pitchfork and, uh, and, uh, you know, go after Henry Ruggs.


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[Assistant] Uh, but, you know, Derek Carr's message is really important, uh, for everyone to hear because when you're angry and when you're upset, you have to think about,


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[Assistant] So he also said that had he called him at three in the morning, he would have gone out and picked him up. And I think anybody would do that for a friend. It's just the thing, you know, the thing is like, you know, now you have to think about the aftermath, right? Like,


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[Assistant] We haven't heard a statement from Rugs. We don't know if whether he's remorseful or not. We don't know what the reason why he was speeding, but I like the way that Derek Carr is approaching this and, uh, it makes you con- it makes a lot of us look back at ourselves and, and look at how we've reacted to this. Cause we're, we're all angry at this, I think.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I hope that this, you know, this obviously goes without saying, but you know, we have a voice, we have a platform. If you're listening, if you're watching the show,


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[Assistant] Step in. You could, I know it sounds, you know, like a self aggrandizing thing. You could save someone's life.


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[Assistant] Let's go back to telling jokes and bringing the mood up.


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[Assistant] Alright, sorry about that. Uh, the football gods have been angry this last week. Derek Henry is out for the season.


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[Assistant] Awful, awful. You know, like, I'm not even a Tennessee Titans fan, and I'm gonna miss watching Derek Henry play football. Uh, there's other injuries around the league.


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[Assistant] Which team do you think can survive these rashes of...


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[Assistant] Whether or not Mike Vrabel is a good coach, whether he can make up the loss of Derek Henry through the aggregate with this running back by committee, this, this cockamamie scheme that he's coming up with.


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[Assistant] I, I don't know. I think we'll find out very quickly if that's possible, but Uche last night brought up something very good. It's like as long as they can get defenses to think or respect the run, they should be fine. Cause that's what they're constructed around. Like they still have a good offensive line. You know, Derek Henry does amazing things.


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[Assistant] Fame the run. Think the run. Uh, that'll be, that might be enough.


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[Assistant] I will say real quick, uhm. Are you downloading? Oh, go ahead.


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[Assistant] Good Anon's conspiracy theory actually had merit because they are gifted, like they marched down the field with Kirk garbage cousins, like cousins was awful that game, like he just looked like


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[Assistant] Yep. Alright, we got one last segment before we do the Thursday night preview. Thank you, Scooter, for bringing that up, uh, both times. Uh, very triggering.


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[Assistant] Who is the worst starting QB in the NFL? I'm gonna pick, we're gonna go around the horn. You guys get to pick one. Who is the most trash starting QB in the league, in the NFL right now? Nobody steal my answer. Tom Grassi, you go first.


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[Assistant] That's a good choice. He's been bad. He threw a pick when they had a chance to win, and it was bad. Was he worse than my pick, Daniel Jones?


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[Assistant] His starting record is like, Aiden.


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[Assistant] 20 or something, it's just terrible.


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[Assistant] It's, uh, it's pretty though when it happens. Jalen Hurts' ball is so ugly. He has a very ugly ball. Perna, perma, I mean, who's the worst starting QB in the league?


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[Assistant] I think, you know, if there wasn't one very athletic run on Sunday, Justin Fields would be the worst QB.


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[Assistant] Okay, then I'll go with, if you're going to argue out of that, I'm going to say Taylor Heinecke is the worst starting QB in the league. He has looked really bad the last couple of weeks. He has been trashed and the fan base has turned on him and it's, uh, it's pretty ugly. So, uh, you know what, I'll say that, um, yeah, Taylor Heinecke.


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[Assistant] Uh, okay, we've got the Thursday night preview. Thank you for all for participating in this.


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[Assistant] He's in the actual Hall of Fame for having the best rookie performance ever. Like they sent his ball in his jersey to, uhm, to Cooper, no, uh, Canton. And did someone say Mike White? Uhm, no that's Ron Mexico.


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[Assistant] Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna do an imitation. I rarely do imitations or impersonation. Who is this?


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[Assistant] We've done our time. He brought Tanya, a Tanya Harding reference, everyone. Jeff Galulli, everybody. Yeah, who's that other bingo card? Yes. Uh, it's time to do the countdown. I think we know who's gonna get punished.


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[Assistant] It looks like, uhm, like a reverse mohawk.


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[Assistant] I'll get my kid to draw a temporary helmet on my head.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, there's, here's, there's plenty of Dallas Cowboys temporary stars that I can get on Amazon, so I will, yeaah, I will, uh, wait, uh, wait.


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[Assistant] Oh, I can get a marker that has a stencil tempera- I get tattoo markers. Ooh.


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[Assistant] I-I see, uh, I see a bee in there, so... I'm gonna, uh, say that this has been a solid bee. Great of a bee!


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[Assistant] Yep, gotta be in there boys. We got, we gotta be in there. That's it.


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[Assistant] He's actually now still alive because I hear like you die not only like when your earthly body leaves, but also when someone doesn't utter your name anymore. And Matt Barkley has died for years because no one has uttered his name. So thank you for bringing him back to Life Scooter. That was really important.


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[Assistant] Roasted. Throw it on the grill and burn it. Yep.


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[Assistant] Listen, their secondary is already hot trash. I just have to hope that Patrick Peterson is gonna be hot trash. But, you know what, honestly, it doesn't even matter. Because Devante Adams is gonna break those ankles all day long, baby. So, I'mma roast it.


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[Assistant] Maybe I should have toasted it then, cause that hurts the viking's cap.


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[Assistant] I won't change my answer though. Alright, final answer.


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[Assistant] Talking about, you know, finally, uh, freeing AJ Green. However, coming off a significant injury, obviously a bit older, not really looking that great. And, uh, you know, listen, they're going to have Larry Fitz if he comes back. I think the median age of their wide receiver is going to be about 87.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna toast to this move. Uh, and here's why. You know.


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[Assistant] In terms of weapons, they got them. I think if they go out and get like another big time wide receiver, I think that that offense is cooking with some gas. But here's really why I'm, I'm saying yes. I know Patrick Chung retired, which is, you know, a little bit of a little pain.


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[Assistant] Their defense was seventh in points allowed last year when they weren't even that good. Now they're getting all these weapons as well. I mean, the defense, if anything, even if the offense is somewhat competent, better than it was last year.


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[Assistant] I think it's good moves. I think that they're gonna do pretty well considering that, you know, the ravens usually don't let go of their pass rushers, you know, except for Zedaria Smith and he's amazing for us. I, you know, they, they know how to grow them and they do pretty damn well. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna toast this move, which feels gross on the inside, but.


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[Assistant] Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were talking about the roast or toast. No, no, no, no, I don't give a shit.


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[Assistant] Well, the moves that they have made, uh, honestly, uh, the only coming second to the amount of moves that the New England Patriots made, uh, they are just so frequent and so fast moving that they, they truly have just been moving at warp speed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, now, there's a couple signings I really wasn't for. Uhm, like the one that they didn't do, uh, last week. I was like, ehh, don't really know about that one. And then the one they didn't do this week. I was like a little on the fence about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but the one thing we did do was re-sign Aaron Jones, and that's pretty incredible. Basically a two-year deal, and then we're gonna wind up cutting him, which I'm all about. And I will say that it looks like this might be a little last dance, uh, for Aaron Rodgers because they did not re-structure him. And so, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this might, this might be, uh, his last hurrah in Green Bay, but, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, I think it's contingent on a number of things. Uh, but either way, it's gonna make me sad. Unless he's like god awful, which I don't think is gonna be the case, but maybe he's really distracted by the wedding. Uh, I, I think, uh, yeaah, it makes me real, real sad. Uh, but I, I, you know what? I'm not willing to say- Is it time, though? Is it time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Timboil. Yeah, it's a Timboil laser show. Uhm, you know, the thing that makes me really confused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that Tim Boyle was known for kneeling down, uh, because he would come in and take a knee. And I mean, how many times are the Lions really going to be doing that, uh, next, next season? So, you know, the good thing is, is that he'll be protecting his knees. That'd be positive. Um, but really, you know what, Tim, Jamal Williams too, you go get your money, young men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, first of all, I am withdrawing all my money from the bank account, cause idiots, they made me GM. Second thing I'm gonna do, uh, is mo- our number one need right now is corner back, uh, because Kevin King obviously


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Josh Jackson hasn't really been doing so good. And so we re- we need another corner besides Jair Alexander. I imagine we go and get a, uh, mid-tier corner from the free agent market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, or, you know, wide receiver fine, but we need young, cheap talent there. I'd say that, or maybe get a defensive lineman. That'd be like my two things that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like what, 25, 26 years old? I know he's like super hit or miss, but take a shot at him, give him a cheap one year contract, see if he can play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I would be, but then I remember they don't have a quarterback, so no. Touché. Got em. Can we get it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, here's, here's the thing. Give people 90 seconds. Get the last ones in.


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[Assistant] Listen, listen, I spread my love amongst all my children.


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[Assistant] You are asking for it. I'm telling you, you know what? I'm okay with this. I am very okay with this. We're good. Damn it, Perna!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This week, buddy, we got a video coming out tonight because we do this shit five days a week. So, uh, tonight is going to be a Bears fan reaction to the 2020-21 NFL season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so don't you worry, that'll be dropping later tonight. Just gotta finish a wee little bit of something editing, and then, oh, we good. Is there, uhm, is there some Trubisky news in there? That's why I had to reshoot the ending, so.


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[Assistant] I think sarcasm is a hard time translating via text, so I think that has a lot to do with it too.


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[Assistant] Fox haven't won I think, and they don't have a, well Green Bay, but that's Green Bay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and the tiger beer is a, uhm, I think that I remember seeing its nuclear spotted cow, right? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's Riverfront Brewery I've been to. That's a nice place too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about you, Tree? What was the loudest? Loudest was probably the AFC Championship game against the Ravens before Super Bowl 43. Like that was loud. When Polamalu returned that interception for a touchdown, when you get Steelers fans, when you get them listening to Renegade, the decibel rate automatically increases by about 10 to 15 decibels. And then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Polamalu makes this amazing pick on, uhm, Joe Flacco. Runs it all the way to the end zone, the place explodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that pretty much sealed the game. Like that was the loudest I've seen a stadium go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Olympics is turning into one right now. There's a lot of chaos going in through the whole situation. COVID has already infested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six athletes? There are a couple that have been turned down. I know Coco Goff, like a really good female tennis player. She's forced to withdraw because of a COVID outbreak. Like there was a uhm, I think a blind, uhm, like swimmer for the US team, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That her mother couldn't join her even though she's her personal assistant. And she had to withdraw. I think why like the uhm, one of the main like, uh, PR guys for the Olympics in Japan had to like resign because of a Holocaust joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, since sense of like, really just heinous shit. And it's like, dude, you can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The moment you talk about that is pretty much just put a target on me and shoot me right between the eyes. That's pretty much the only thing you can say, especially in that regard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Beijing's Olympics or Athens Olympics or Sydney or any of the other wonderfully abandoned Olympic stadiums. So in the meantime, Brandon, favorite Olympic sport and why? Oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think they're trying to bring it back, like, as like a remake, right? Yeaah. Not lost it's way, but it's like trying to come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Uh, five. Favorite Olympic sport? Uh, is it beach volleyball? Or is it just volleyball?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's BS, it's a little too far. I mean, you already have COVID in there.


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[Assistant] I know Japan's having a bit of a wave, but at the same time...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, like I think Tony's like, dude, do you realize like these are people in the peak of their athletic prime, like they're just gonna do it wherever, not just on a bed, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, people have sex in the back of their cars, that's why. Jurassic Park. It's in alleyways, that's why people have sex in just wherever they want to go because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite, personally, it's more of an Olympic sport, it's the biathlon. Cause it's a bunch of people randomly skiing around cross country, and then they take guns and start shooting targets. And they do that like three times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, uh, there wasn't any like trades involving the expansion draft selections, which is kind of weird. There were a couple trades, I know, um,