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[Assistant] Is this what you meant, Sam? It doesn't mean shit if you have a bunch of fives that are good if they can't play any other position. Who's going to dish them the ball in the paint? Where is the rest of the team? Do you just play centers and power forwards everywhere?


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[Assistant] Finally, what you need to do is make your franchise so pathetic and misaligned that the NBA literally steps in and tells you to fuck off.


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[Assistant] Who knows what the future holds for the 76ers, but I know what Sam Hincky brought to me.


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[Assistant] They say that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't get him to drink.


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[Assistant] One little problem in hindsight. Most of those transplants really don't give a shit about the local teams. That's why the Cardinals, Diamondbacks, and Suns have all struggled to fill their stadiums at some point in time.


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[Assistant] Even if the whole situation is a disaster, a winning franchise always endears itself to the locals. Have the Coyotes succeeded in this? Fuck no. The best that this team has accomplished in its time in Phoenix has been pulling a conference finals appearance out of their ass one year.


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[Assistant] Who has no managerial experience but a shit ton of knowledge in rather primitive hockey analytics. Say hello to John Chaika, the new GM at the helm for the Coyotes. His concept is to take on dead contracts like Dave Boland and Pavel Datsuk to get more picks and prospects. This year is the tank year for the team, so it's way too early to tell what this guy could be.


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[Assistant] Maybe he thinks he can cheese the system like those old NHL franchise modes where you can amass an all-star team in every first round pick by a shitload of trades. Or I could be totally wrong and they'll be hockey gods in five years. If the Philadelphia 76ers are the example to go by, they're a golden lolcow in the making.


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[Assistant] There has been only one positive out of having a team here. Austin Matthews. Otherwise, the venture to Phoenix has been a disaster. I see more antics from the NHL in desperately trying to keep the team here. But I can't believe they'd be that stupid. What could they do? Repeat the same fuck up in a similar location? Well then.


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[Assistant] The Vikings are an unnotable forgotten franchise before the merger. At least you've got that Fran Tarkinson guy. Go and run the wrong way for a safety.


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[Assistant] We can do better than this, Targanton. Let's trade him to the Giants.


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[Assistant] Hey, you make a great hire in Bud Grant as your head coach! Hopefully you can win a Super Bowl for him.


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[Assistant] You actually end up making one less than ten years into your existence. Not bad.


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[Assistant] That Tarkinson guy turned out to be pretty good. Let's get him again!


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[Assistant] It's not all bad though. You made it back to the big game the very next year.


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[Assistant] You shed that painful loss and make your fourth Super Bowl the following year. This is probably the last year you can really compete for a title with your current core. Don't fuck it up.


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[Assistant] And you get ass blasted by the Raiders. Four losses in less than ten years. Christ, that's brutal. Where's my drink?


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[Assistant] And now they're purple and dead. Get walloped by the Rams in the divisional round.


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[Assistant] Longtime Star Wars Jerry Burns leads you back to relevance. Win your first playoff game in five years.


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[Assistant] You're on the goddamn goal line in the NFC Championship. For the love of all that is holy, score a touchdown and tie this game!


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[Assistant] Oh lookie, you get curb stomped by the 49ers in a playoff game. Again.


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[Assistant] Who knew that running back was the least of your issues and you go nowhere with Herschel? He's also gone in three years. Good job, Vikings, you've just had the area sell out of doers.


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[Assistant] The last connection to the 70's teams has retired, but you pick up this promising coach named Dennis Green. Let's see if he leads you anywhere.


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[Assistant] In fact, take a few more years of middling playoff futility while you're at it. Shit needs to change now.


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[Assistant] Randall Cunningham's gone, but here's this guy named Dante Culpepper. Let's trapped him!


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[Assistant] Congratulations, your star running back Robert Smith has chosen to retire in his prime.


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[Assistant] Wait, nevermind, you're 6 and 0. Playoff Island is in your sights. You lost 6 of 9.


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[Assistant] Dante Culpepper and Randy Moss are gone. Your new QB is a retreat in Brad Johnson. God, you are so fucked.


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[Assistant] At the very least, you're shitty enough to draft another elite player in Adrian Peterson! Don't waste his career too, guys.


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[Assistant] Congratulations! You are the final stop on Brett Favre's 5 year retirement tour!


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[Assistant] Fuck the shots, just get me a bottle of Everclear. How about you DON'T fumble the ball three times in Saints territory?


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[Assistant] You have a decent season at ten and six, only to get suffocated by your older brother. Five, ten, and one. At least Leslie Frazier's gone.


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[Assistant] AP is a fucking idiot who beats his kid. Enjoy a year-long suspension and a pedestrian 7-9 season.


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[Assistant] Now they've thrown over a billion dollars into the development and construction of a brand new glass-laden stadium for the Wolf Brothers.


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[Assistant] Congratulations, Minnesota. You are now being hung by the balls by this Waluigi-looking motherfucker. It's probably all for naught, because these guys will probably demand ANOTHER new stadium from you in 25 years because birds fly into the glass too much. They're the kind of fuckers that would pull this shit again.


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[Assistant] What isn't good right now are the pirates. Their ship has lost wind traction and are now stuck in a desolate ocean of confusion and a lost identity. Now the Grim Reaper has come to collect his due and they are now a rotting carcass of a squad. Let me put it to you this way. Do not mention the names Francisco Cabrera or Sid Bream.


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[Assistant] This devastating failure ushered the team straight into the gutter as the premier lolcow of baseball.


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[Assistant] If you want to give credit to something for these cheap excuses for content, you can thank these fuckers. After eleven zillion collapses in August and September, something strange happened. The pirates became good. It was one of the strangest sights to behold.


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[Assistant] They cannot throw the ball accurately. They cannot make timely pitches. Running the bases? You'd be better off asking Dave Littlefield to atone for his managerial sins. I have never seen a team so absolutely inept at base running, after every Sunday home game.


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[Assistant] To them, scoring runs is like trying to solve advanced calculus. Their idea of clutch hitting is swinging at fucking everything and hope you actually make contact with the ball.


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[Assistant] First, the yinzers, which need no explanation. Anything less than a championship is considered to be a disaster of a season and everyone needs to be fired. Secondly, you have the analytics nerds. Heavy emphasis on anal. I will throw myself into this category. We find ourselves to be so much better than the other sex because we can actually read.


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[Assistant] Regardless of the situation. In fact, everyone blames nothing for this terrible stretch, yet the main reason why they suck is because the people they were counting on to be core contributors decided to imitate the Hindenburgs.


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[Assistant] Tony Watson lost the spark to his stuff and is now like dousing a fire with gasoline. The guy is the closer who serves up cookies and blown leads up plenty.


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[Assistant] Kutch, I'm sorry you lost a step or six when your game is predicated on speed. I'm sorry you didn't get traded in the offseason because other teams realize that you suck now. But what he hasn't lost?


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[Assistant] You seriously thought we were going to believe that? We've seen this movie before. You pulled this shit only to swallow the entire contract of the likes of Matt Morris.


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[Assistant] It was even worse before that. My best memory of the Bucks as a kid was a team with a 9 million dollar payroll that didn't even finish above 500.


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[Assistant] Grace period is over, fuckers. I want heads on pikes outside of the home rotunda. If there is any reason to rip Nutting to shreds right now, it's because nobody is being held accountable for this. He's too content with allowing a management team too enamored with the smell of their own shit to stubbornly run this team into the ground.


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[Assistant] My biggest fear is that he's not going to do a damn thing until the bottom line is affected. By doing nothing, he's proving all of those annoying yenzers and conspiracy theorists right. The actions of this team over the past year have given these fuckers near-infinite ammo. I can't even muster up courage to defend this shit anymore. Fuck this team.


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[Assistant] I would say that this hire was a prime example of the Peter Principle, but that wouldn't mean that he was any good at his former job. No, when Ryan was hired by the Colts, apparently all of the Eagles brass shit bricks. He was the equivalent of the guy who assigned meaningless shit because he fucks everything else up.


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[Assistant] But Indianapolis was sold on the putrid shit he was selling. It's like a lot of scouting in the NFL. He had the look of a GM.


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[Assistant] Big, imposing, egotistical, could sell a bag of needles to a hemophiliac when it came to actually doing his job. Let me put it to you this way.


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[Assistant] This enters our next person of interest, Jim Ursay. One of those beloved legacy owners that hasn't worked a proper day in his life. Easy to say. Ursay is the NFL equivalent of James Dolan. The man is a lethal combination of apathy and blatant ignorance. When the cults are burning to ash, Jim says let them eat.


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[Assistant] The man's main strength in this world is his innate abilities of pill-popping and embarrassing DUIs. But at least he's got that killer guitar collection. He's like Sammy Hagar, but without the talent or the dignity. What is Ursay's plan to quell this drama? Choose a side that would involve doing something. Why not give them both extensions after a disappointing year? Cake, they're going for the caviar.


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[Assistant] Any sense of decency! I mean, look at how he acts in interviews! Look at his posture, his mannerisms, his way of speaking! You've absolutely destroyed this man! You rattled him so much, you've turned him into a vegetable! It's fucking egregious and borderline treason the way you've handled Lux since drafting him!


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[Assistant] But the one thing that she had in me, somebody she could trust and loyal to her. And then I will be that as well. I've been talking to people walking here, we've been talking about next year, and I'm sitting here saying,


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[Assistant] This video on relentless descent into madness is brought to you by Raycon.


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[Assistant] If you're going to lose your mind at this time, at least be comfortable doing so. That's where Raycon comes in. Music does help to heal the soul, you know. Now on to the rambling.


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[Assistant] What happened since then, if only it were that simple. I want the drugs pirates management we're on. It'll allow me to become far more optimistic about everything in the world.


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[Assistant] It wasn't the idea of buying a huge piece, it's just how completely out of character it was. Neil Huntington, one of the more conservative GMs in baseball.


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[Assistant] A man who would rather cut off his own hand than deal significant futures suddenly decides now is the time to grossly overpay for a pitcher who hasn't had elite production in three years. It's not the idea of buying that was concerning, but going all in for what was, in all intents and purposes, a mediocre baseball team.


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[Assistant] No, the real problem wasn't giving up Austin Meadows. He was seen as the center fielder of the future, yet they just traded him after a cup of coffee in the bigs. And for a guy who was seen as more hyped than not, it was insanity. You know the rest. Both Glasnow and Meadows are developing into legitimate franchise-leading talents in Tampa Bay, just as I had feared would happen.


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[Assistant] It just happened to turn into a top 100 pitching prospect in Shane Bads, a former first round pick of the team.


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[Assistant] The only way it would have been justified is if we got his 2015 form, and let's just say that hasn't happened. He's an Italian restaurant serving up endless meatballs on a weeknight. Home runs galore. Dunk ace at the dingers you hit, though, or else he'll retaliate. He'll fit in nicely.


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[Assistant] The prize free agent signing was Alani Chizinal that has the misfortune of having the durability of a Fabergé egg. He didn't even play a game for the Bucks in the 2019 season because, wait for it, injuries. The result was more patchwork.


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[Assistant] Milky Cabrera and Francisco Liriano on Spring Training invites that's the great answer we need. It's another sign of having no real vision. They made two huge splashes at the trade deadline yet treated the offseason as if they were merely trying to shore up a basement dweller. There's being too smart for your own good and pretending you're smart by being checkmated on the first turn. Say hello to Pittsburgh.


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[Assistant] Francisco Cervelli and the eternally frustrating El Cofé come to mind here. Something had to break one way or the other.


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[Assistant] The pirates couldn't keep this up for long. Either they had to emerge or would outright fall apart. One of these things ended up happening. Can you take a while to guess as to what that was? Go ahead, I'll wait. Or not.


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[Assistant] In the real world, you went 4 in 24. It's nothing but goddamn excuses for what we all saw for years. You can't stretch out past success to try and do nothing in the future. In their comments, they'd always talk about 2012 and how people wanted them gone after that collapse, but here's the thing. I didn't want you fired back then.


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[Assistant] That team had the potential with stars and prospects coming up on the horizon!


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[Assistant] Despite the disaster, there was still the dread that the excuses would be brought and nothing would happen. It was even worse when Clint Hurdle came out and said that he had assurances that he still had a job next season.


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[Assistant] As messed up as the timeline was, at least the pirates did the right thing in the end.


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[Assistant] But the pirates, this did not happen whatsoever. So now they get what was merely delayed. Looking square on the face of another rebel.


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[Assistant] I won't judge the new hires since they need time to see what they can do, but trading Starling Marte honestly had to be done.


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[Assistant] It's what I saw a ton of as a kid and it still hurts to watch. At least there's Bryan Reynolds, but his babbock was insane last season. If he can mold into a solid starter though, I'll be fine with this.


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[Assistant] And the National Basketball Association or NBA in the U.S. is facing a huge backlash from U.S. lawmakers for its reaction to this tweet by the Houston Rockets general manager, a tweet backing pro-democracy demonstrations right here in Hong Kong.


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[Assistant] John Chaco was one of the budding minds in the newfound scene of hockey analytics, and hopes were high for the Coyote.


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[Assistant] Years of ineptitude and ownership turmoils aside, the coyotes were turning a new leaf. Seriously, there's nowhere to go but up. How can this honestly get any worse?


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[Assistant] So the Coyotes. Maybe Pierre Doria needs to license out his famous quotes, since all they can say about them is that they are a team.


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[Assistant] Hotshot Startup Executive promises the world to investors, but is either too inexperienced, unskilled, and or arrogant to execute on the vision.


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[Assistant] The company goes tits up in a few years, they produce nothing but smoke and mirrors, and people are out billions of dollars. That executive is Jacob. Hockey's version of a snake oil salesman.


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[Assistant] Despite his past experience in hockey analytics, if you actually look at the moves he's made as Gio Muflica Iudis, they have nothing to do with any sort of analytics. The basic gist of analytics is to use data to find undervalued commodities and sign them at value to up peak efficiency as a team on the ice. To discover things that can't be seen with the eye. His early moves seem to be veering in this direction.


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[Assistant] Bringing in Alex Goligoski, trading for Nicholas Yalmarsson, acquiring futures for reading debt contracts.


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[Assistant] Stepan was owed big money but would fill a needed hole in the second line. Auntie Ranta, a pure analytics move. Undervalued thanks to being a backup to King Henrik. Trading a first and Tony D'Angelo is steep but worth it. At least for one part.


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[Assistant] A one-for-one deal commenced. Here's the issue. Banking on reclamation projects and hoping they return to form are not analytical moves. That's based on gut feelings and projection once again defies database beliefs. It blew up spectacularly in Arizona's face. Max Domi returned to form and had a career season in Montreal. Galchenyuk, he became the Sam Bradford of hockey.


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[Assistant] For a team that's been notorious for bad player development. Fuck the bridge deals, just throw big contracts at them.


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[Assistant] This is a big no-no in analytics. Analytics does not care for the idea of a good player. They just want good players who can perform at that level now.


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[Assistant] Throwing over seven million per year for eight years at Clayton Keller for one year isn't analytics. That's paying for the idea of a franchise center.


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[Assistant] Lo and behold, since the contract was signed, Geller stalled out. He isn't even playing center on the Coyotes these days. The contract looks terrible.


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[Assistant] Even for not being 30, it looks to be one of the worst contracts in hockey at this time.


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[Assistant] It's gotten so bad that Arizona tried to offload him this offseason. But they demanded too much and nobody bet.


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[Assistant] Which leads to the most damning indictment of Cheka's tenure as a so-called analytical guru. They're slammed up against the salary cap.


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[Assistant] They might resend their new acquisition in Taylor Hall, their biggest buy on the market in years. I'd share your optimism, but the team suffered a hard collapse deep into February, and the only reason they made the playoffs was due to a pandemic. They wouldn't have been here in a traditional season.


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[Assistant] The only way this could get worse is if he openly shamed the organization. Wouldn't you take a wild guess as to what happened? He needs that analytical edge on his competition.


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[Assistant] So what if hosting your own draft prospect workouts are illegal by NHL bylaws? They need the data that the combine cannot provide!


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[Assistant] What happened here? Nothing much, just a pandemic that fucked over a good few industries.


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[Assistant] Bad luck for Morello, a good chunk of his money in revenue is based in casinos. Guess what's taking a beating since COVID? Casinos.


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[Assistant] Vegas has had some stiff restrictions as well, so it's a lot like being shanked and gutted in a public display. It affected the coyotes.


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[Assistant] And it might not get any better until the country fully reopens and people go out in droves again.


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[Assistant] And he had been taking off more than a few teams draft boards as a result. The Coyotes still drafted him.


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[Assistant] Once the story took off, they would try to say they didn't know and they were in turmoil because Chaka fucked off and they were looking for a GM bullshit. It was not from the beginning.


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[Assistant] Miller apologized to every NHL team before the combine and interviews took place. So thanks to the predictable backlash, make that four draft picks missed away by Arizona in 2020.


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[Assistant] He somehow got Ottawa to part with a second round pick for rapidly declining Derek Stefan, so early signs seem positive.


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[Assistant] But the same question remains. Can this team survive in Phoenix? They're still doing a year to year lease, and elements out of their control may jeopardize the plan.


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[Assistant] Their world-class protection in data-encrypting technology can also help you in a variety of ways. Recently, an article in the LA Times has come out discussing a new phenomenon in streaming called the churn.


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[Assistant] It's when you view the entirety of a program a service has to offer, then cancel the subscription to look for something else. But what if I were to say there was a way around this? To discover new programming by simply making a few clicks. ExpressVPN can do that. For services like Netflix, they offer different shows in different countries.


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[Assistant] For me, it's as easy as just a few clicks and the speed of the VPN does the rest. It not only offers more to the customer, but potentially avoids the infamous churn.


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[Assistant] And you can even get three months of world-class protection free by going to expressvpn.com slash utree.


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[Assistant] A minor league baseball team is playing the Chicago Cubs in a park deserving of a much better ball club.


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[Assistant] Wilson Contreras hit a single with one out and then stole second because the pirates allow that kind of shit. Then, the magic. Javier Baez, it's a routine ground ball to third.


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[Assistant] Former first round pick Will Craig, with a hustle rivaling me jogging to take a shit, prances over to Baez, who's wisely moving back towards home plate. I want you to note how many outs are in this scenario. Two of them. All he had to do was run the fucking first!


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[Assistant] I'd say this is something seen out of an extra chromosome, but I feel like the players in Miracle League would know how to step on fucking first when there's two outs. During this time, Craig's trying to fake him out like, ooh, I gotcha, Javi. Sike! Ooh, here comes the runner from second, I should gently lob the ball over to the catcher. There's no force play, no haste whatsoever, Contreras is saved.


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[Assistant] Baez probably holding back laughter runs to second where the pirates fuck up that throw too. Thank God somebody was on third.


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[Assistant] The Cubs dugouts just sit in there laughing their asses off, and at this point, we're all Anthony Rizzo.


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[Assistant] Our sides are officially in orbit at the bounty of comedy we have just seen. It gets even better too.


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[Assistant] Any of the pirates will pay you when the sandwiches you sell out of your stand behind center field. I miss when we had a real team here.


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[Assistant] I take it you like sports. You want your fix, but you cut the cable cord off and don't know where to get it now.


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[Assistant] Don't sift through shady streaming alleyways out of desperation. There's a rich landscape available with all the sports you desire. And its name is FuboTV, the sponsor of this video.


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[Assistant] ESPN, the four major sports league channels, regional networks, ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, NFL, Red Zone, and so much more. My preference? Hockey. Playoff time is some of the best of the sport you can watch. And with FuboTV, it makes it easy for me. Just one click and I have everything I can possibly need. Including the NHL playoffs. Best of all, it's easy to try.


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[Assistant] You can start a risk-free trial and get 15% off your first month by going to fubotv.com slash uTree. That's fubotv!


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[Assistant] As much as I would love to just show terrible Diamondbacks footage and call it a day, there's always a few chapters before this that are overlooked.


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[Assistant] The team that's gone five and forty as of late had to build up to that five and forty. And it took years to get to this point.


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[Assistant] When a team inexplicably bottoms out like this, it's not a sudden fall, but a gradual cratering. Something that could have been long avoided with proper guidance.


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[Assistant] Here are some cold facts. Arizona has been so brutal that they make the 10,000 simulations of the 2019 Pirates seem competitive. 4 and 24 never look sweeter than it does.


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[Assistant] I doubt this keeps up, but they're currently on pace to break the lost record set by the expansion Mets. They literally broke the record for most consecutive road losses in league history. This is a special kind of atrocious.


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[Assistant] With not one, but TWO 13-game losing streaks. Bad teams find ways to lose. And the Diamondbacks sure as hell have been doing that.


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[Assistant] The main thing in this situation is to understand the vision of what a team was going for. Here lies the major issue. There is none. That file was never found.


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[Assistant] Catering to the winds of momentum instead of understanding curves are thrown in a team's path.


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[Assistant] The pitching's strong and the bat's powerful, but they add strikeout issues. But here is where the problems begin to fest.


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[Assistant] The Diamondbacks had a key free agent entering the market in JD Martinez.


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[Assistant] He was acquired from the Tigers and had been a boon to their hitting corps.


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[Assistant] They gave up next to nothing to get him and he raked like leaves in the fall.


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[Assistant] Let's see who fits this profile. Power-Heading Corner Outfielder, probably versus a DH, can take a pitch, strikes out a ton, but can be found on the bargain bin. Ah, here we go, Steven Sousa from Tampa Bay.


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[Assistant] Susa regressed as a member of the D-Backs, then fell to the injury box. Then fell to arbitration tonight.


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[Assistant] So not only do they have a massive right field sized hole, but get to enjoy the wonders of mass regression and injuries. The season was a roller coaster of inconsistency.


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[Assistant] Ending August with a record of 74 and 61, then fall apart with an 8 and 19 September. Now there are things you can't predict in a season.


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[Assistant] Just pray to get a bunch of clay buckholzes to fall from the sky? A simple Jake Deakman who fell to shit ain't gonna cut it. And that's why you fall to 82 and 80. Now cue the next mistake.


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[Assistant] It's apparently here where they tried absolutely nothing and were all out of ideas. Fuck it. Launch the goddamn nooks. I have no idea why, but they saw the previous year and figured, well, it's time to rebuild. Screw throwing money at this team. We'll pretend we did things and call it a day. The cost came in the form of a few franchise faces. A.J. Pollock and Patrick Corbin in free agency, and Paul Goldschmidt being shipped off to St. Louis.


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[Assistant] The return for Goldy wasn't bad, he got a haul of good prospects to bolster their top 10 farm system, but they didn't really go that far per se. If you're trying to dismantle them, why is David Peralta still here? He's a good hitter, he's coming off a career year, and he's cost control! His value wasn't getting any higher!


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[Assistant] With the Dodger showing no signs of stopping, it's an interesting path, but then there was a twist. They started winning. Quite a bit.


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[Assistant] Catel Marte was hitting out of his goddamn mind, looking like a bona fide superstar. Christian Walker emerged as a strong replacement for Goldie. Zack Allen was a low-key steal in a trade with Miami. And then those dreams are dashed by losing 8 of 10.


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[Assistant] Instead of acknowledging the sudden surge and staying coarse on the rebuild, they decided that apparently NOW is the time to splurge in the market yet again. Yes, this is making as much sense to you as it does to me. Which is not.


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[Assistant] A name brand's picture with a shit ton of mileage and questions about long-term durability. Perfect for a five-year deal. Do you now understand why this team had no vision?


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[Assistant] Then, shock, it plummets to unfathomable lows.


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[Assistant] The result is either cutting your losses for pennies or letting them go for nothing. Now the likes of Taiwan Walker are misfortunate but inevitable.


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[Assistant] He got injured, was denied arbitration, and has now rehabilitated his career with the Mets. But what about Robbie Ray?


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[Assistant] Robbie Ray having his mechanics squeaked allowing him to return to form the following year. As for the guy they traded him for? They sold him BACK to the Jays this spring! And it doesn't end there, look at Starling Marte!


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[Assistant] The 2018 Baltimore Orioles. Another team that bottomed out hard after years of drifting in and out of relevance. The writing was on the wall for them and now it is for Arizona. You flirted with blowing it up a few years ago?


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[Assistant] Well now you might have no choice but to glass the entire ecosystem. Coaches have already been fired.


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[Assistant] The only player that can probably get them an excellent return is Catel Marte. And I don't know if I trust the current brass to do it.


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[Assistant] Now Mike Hazen's wife is dealing with cancer and he's taking a leap of absence to be with her. That absolutely sucks and I wish them well. But it doesn't excuse him from the mess he's left in his wake. He's done a terrible job here!


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[Assistant] It's like I'm seeing a blend of small and large market tactics without any cohesion. Nothing but the wrong moves made at the wrong time. Is it ownership and their power struggle dictating this? Is it him trying to imitate the Raze without any of their savvy? Is it both?


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[Assistant] Any plans were apparently thrown out the window and now they have to pick up the pieces. Quite possibly for a while.


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[Assistant] Another attack down their left side. They've been really present in the middle of the park today.


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[Assistant] Well, I have Bucky Dent's cleats from the famous 1978 tiebreaker game between the Yankees and the Red Sox.


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[Assistant] In that 1978 game, the Red Sox thought they had it won, and here comes Bucky Denthen. He hit one of the top home runs in baseball history to knock the Red Sox out of the playoffs. The least I'll take is 3,000.


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[Assistant] Well, I still have dirt caked into him from Fenway Park. Also, it's got his number on there. 20.


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[Assistant] Well, my husband's uncle was able to obtain these cleats from the charity auction that year, and part of the auction item is the picture. He wrote, good luck in my home run shoes.


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[Assistant] You know, they don't have any records of the auction.


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[Assistant] I'm absolutely confident that these are the shoes. That being said, I'm a little nervous because I'm not sure what he'll say they're worth.


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[Assistant] I have to admit I'm disappointed in what he said. Because I feel like...


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[Assistant] You can't meet me somewhere down the middle of the road there. I'll come down to 4,000.


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[Assistant] Well fair enough, then I'll take him home with me. Alright, thanks a lot. Alright, thanks so much.


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[Assistant] I was pretty disappointed when he said three to four hundred dollars. I absolutely think I have enough proof based on the evidence.


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[Assistant] I have the physical copy of Nintendo Switch Sports. I've actually bought Switch Sports twice now. I bought the digital copy and now the physical copy, but the physical copy comes with a certain thing. And I thought about just duct taping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The joycon to my leg, but I figured that taking off that duct tape with how hairy my legs are would not, would not be fun. We have the joycon leg strap. Don't know what I'm looking at here.


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[Assistant] Okay, there's velcro, it's adjustable. Where does the joy con even go? Is it, did they even design this for thunder thighs like I got?


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[Assistant] While pulling, fasten the tip. Wrap the leg strap around your thigh. I don't get it.


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[Assistant] I think I figured it out. This strap is pretty much at its biggest setting.


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[Assistant] Like, look at this thing. It, it's not... Like there, there's not much space. Oop. Well now it's undone and I can't do it with one hand. Alright, so like here.


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[Assistant] I have a joycon strapped to my leg, and by the pictures, it says it should be in the middle. Leg strap required there to shoot out. Oh, here's, here's the instructions. Insert joycon. Let's just make sure I did this right. Yeah, that's pretty much what I did. Okay, it needs to be erect.


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[Assistant] Center of your thigh, then stand still for a moment. Okay, hold up, I need to stand up, I'm guessing.


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[Assistant] I hope I don't kick my TV. Make sure you have enough space around you. Yeah, I'll make sure. Girl.


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[Assistant] I need to back up, otherwise I'm gonna kick my desk and it ain't gonna feel good. Okay, so all I have to do is kick an incoming ball. Alright. Swing your leg up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. What's, what's the challenge? Oh, the neck got smaller. Okay, okay. Okay.


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[Assistant] I guess it is possible to fuck it up. Well thank god she missed every single one. Wow. Historic day for the leg strap. Oh, fuck me.


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[Assistant] You'd think at this angle you'd have to kick kinda sideways, but you don't, you just...


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[Assistant] It's just all timing. You're just lifting your leg at the right time. There's not much else to it. Let's just go right up to power house, see if there's something I'm missing. See if there's an added challenge. Besides the fact that Daisuke is impossible and will probably just make every fucking shot. Oh, he's got a really small hole. Goal. Goal hole. Oh my god, and he made it! I got a gaping net and I'm probably gonna miss.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I kinda kick sooner than that, I think.


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[Assistant] Dude, don't make this, you dickhead. Give me a chance. Well, no. Don't, or don't, or don't!


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I could swear I was lifting my legs so much sooner.


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[Assistant] But, but the game doesn't have me kick until the ball's in my crotch.


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[Assistant] Uuuh, I don't, I actually am getting kind of confused. I'm getting kind of very confused. I think sometimes the game wants me to fricking lift my leg to the ceiling to register the fucking kick. I gotta, I gotta back up a bit.


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[Assistant] Ha ha ha, are you kidding me? So I'm still gonna fucking lose.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they're, they're, they're perfect. They're absolutely flawless. I wanna get every single kick in, so I can see if, if the game makes it so you win, or, or what. Because it doesn't seem like you'll ever win this. Fuck my asshole!


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[Assistant] And it's such a slow game and we're starting every time like, we gotta look at this first scene for 20 seconds. Woo! Yeah, I get it. We played Greg five times in a fucking row now.


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[Assistant] I turned on my other PC by kicking the desk. Okay, that's interesting.


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[Assistant] Are the CPUs always left footed, by the way? They're always coming from the other way. They're always left footed.


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[Assistant] Can I make it past shot three, please?


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[Assistant] 4-4, the game on the line. So if he makes it...


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[Assistant] Even if I made it, we're only fucking tied. Did no one think this one? Did no one think this thing through at Nintendo? Hey, if we make them so hard that they always make the shot, there's no way to win.


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[Assistant] I hate this. I actually hate this. This is actually stupid. It is stupid dumb. Let's just try strong. I don't know man. That powerhouse. I don't know what it wants from me.


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[Assistant] I don't, I, I, I, I don't know, I don't know how you're supposed to kick those and not miss the net. So though, if he makes this, which he does, we're gonna tie. And if I miss, I fucking lose.


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[Assistant] Yeah, fuck yourself, Chris. Yeah, why? Why, Beatbox? That's what I'm saying!


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[Assistant] And you know what's funny? That last game, I got these swirly foo foo foo foo foo foo foo ball that's impossible to kick. And you know what Chris didn't get? Chris didn't get a single one of those.


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[Assistant] I love it. I love it. I love it. You know, she won't get a single one of those, but guess what? I do. Oh great, the golden ball. Yeah, of course she makes it. So I have to make this.


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[Assistant] It's a fucking joke! She'll miss on the big open net.


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[Assistant] Yeah, whatever, whatever. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. They'll make the shots when it matters.


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[Assistant] The game will just give them, you know, just make them, and I gotta try kicking again! I'm about to fucking kick the TV!


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[Assistant] Okay, I have no idea why. So, you know, in previous videos when I've slammed my desk hard enough, my recordings just stop. For whatever reason, for whatever reason. And now apparently if I jump, my, my, my recording just freezes. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The game adjusts itself to be like, fuck you. But if you, if you, if you miss all your first shots because you can't figure out what the hell is going on because you jumped and everything froze, you win. Whatever. It doesn't make sense. I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For us, AWS is not a sponsor, but it's a significant technical partnership.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Correlate the behavior of the car on track to our tools, which are the wind tunnel and the simulator.


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[Assistant] Here it's really trying to get data from different sources and to bring them all together.


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[Assistant] They've had to make some tough decisions regarding players that were deemed to be vital to their future.


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[Assistant] Rocket Money is an all-in-one finance platform that can help you manage your finances with the greatest of ease. For me personally, it's in the budgeting. Money management is critical to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The app constantly gives me alerts for unspecified and unusual transactions that come from my account. It helps me to set budgets for short and long term spending. I can even monitor my credit with ease. Rocket Money is a very useful tool to have in your financial arsenal. And 3.4 million people believe the same thing.


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[Assistant] Where petty squabbles are exacerbated into world shattering affairs. Vancouver truly represents their city well. The area of East Hastings, that is. So how did this come to be?


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[Assistant] His carefully sculpted defense was a Master Beast rivaling a two-year-old imitating Jackson Pollock.


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[Assistant] That whole defense eats cap like no one's business for next to no return. The ultimate in bureaucratic inefficiency.


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[Assistant] Vancouver needs a man who's built champions instead of assisted them.


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[Assistant] Jim Rutherford may be well advanced in his years, but the men assembled cup winners in multiple locations. With his protégé Patrick Colvin, they will fix the problem.


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[Assistant] Ignore that JR's falling apart after the opening salvo in both Carolina and Pittsburgh and his drafting record with the Penns is less than optimal given their circumstances. They will offer the Canucks words. And that's about it. Here's my problem with the new regime.


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[Assistant] You wax cynical poetic about how Vancouver's late season run last year was unsustainable and evacuated. It makes sense when you look deeper into it. The Canucks are a systemically flawed team. They lack defensive structure. Their prospect pool has run dry. They're locked into a plethora of awful deals.


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[Assistant] Any success is merely due to Thatcher Demko standing on his head. All fair points, but they become moot with this dilemma.


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[Assistant] All I was hearing for about a year was that Brock Bester, JT Miller, and Connor Garland were ready to pack their suitcases for new destinations only to pull a 180 and keep them around.


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[Assistant] Besser and Miller were extended in the offseason because you were gunning for a push? JT got a seven-year deal that starts next season.


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[Assistant] The only move I can really give Alvin and JR grace for is signing Andrei Kozmenko.


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[Assistant] Roughly 31 other teams had identified as an Impact player. Those moves don't indicate a flawed roster. That shows that you think they're the horses to ride into battle with. These horses were immediately shot out of cannons. Not shot with cannons, literally shot out of them.


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[Assistant] It's the only way to explain how ass-backwards this season has been for the Canucks.


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[Assistant] But in glorious Vancouver tradition, they have quite literally broken him. Physically injured and mentally destroyed.


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[Assistant] In the ashes of what was once an elite goaltender, the Canucks are now blessed with deadly saboteurs such as Colin Delia and Spencer Martin.


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[Assistant] Never forget what is supposed to be a defense in front of them on a given night.


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[Assistant] One of the worst penalty killing units in recent memory. It wouldn't pass a college course for how bad it's bad.


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[Assistant] Vancouver blew it like most multi-goal leads they've come across. Early in the season, oh, it was an art form. They broke the league record through 40 games.


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[Assistant] Visibly yelling at officials and his own teammates in conduct most fitting of a team leader. That's right, they made him an alternate captain.


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[Assistant] He said his supposed easy surgery get done multiple times due to hideous botching. His career might be over. The NHLPA is investigating how shit the treatment was. It's symbolic of the Canucks season. Disaster at every turn. It's no surprise that someone should take blame for this failure.


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[Assistant] No, my friends, the real boogeyman for the Canucks happens to be a master of barbecue.


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[Assistant] Bruce Boudreau is far from the biggest problem in Vancouver, but NHL coaches exist for two reasons. To be fired and to be fired again.


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[Assistant] However, what the Canucks did was take any sort of goodwill and hack it into origami. The paper Crane made out of it will look nice in their collection.


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[Assistant] To properly predict what happened here, I haven't seen a coach get fucked over this badly since Roger Nielsen with the Leafs.


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[Assistant] In the worst kept secret known to man, Boudreaux was going to be fired for Rick Tocket.


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[Assistant] Not only did management accidentally spill their plans to the press, not only did they do nothing after the fact and pretend everything was fine,


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[Assistant] This charade dragged out for weeks, if not months. Bruce was having to answer questions about his future employment with fucking tears in his eyes.


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[Assistant] Vancouver, in a brilliant stroke of tone-deafness, used his emotion for clout on social media. I've been very critical of Boudreaux in the past. And it was obvious Canucks Brass wanted to go in a different direction.


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[Assistant] But to desecrate his reputation on a public stage? Boutreaux did not deserve this!


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[Assistant] This situation only destroys. Nobody benefits from having Bruce Linger as a lackey. Just let him go. Pay him the severance and send him on his way back to TV. It's a bad sign when we see him being let go as a relief.


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[Assistant] Boudreaux was finally given a mercy kill for Rick Tockets. Was it worth it, Vancouver?


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[Assistant] As it dips into the cold ocean below, perhaps it can take Francesco Aquilini with them. My initial senses into his character were right. He only cares for himself and his reputation. Anything else is thrown to the wayside. It makes perfect sense as to how Vancouver's run as a franchise.


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[Assistant] Something tells me those allegations of abuse by his ex-wife and kids aren't a one-off. With how he's run people out of town for the smallest infractions, this tree's infection spreads to the root.


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[Assistant] Aquilini posting that long scribe reeks of someone trying to get ahead of a shitstorm. I'm more surprised he didn't manage to do it for Bo Horvat.


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[Assistant] Remember when JR and Alveen extended Besser and Miller before the season? They don't have the cap space to pay their captain accordingly. Worse for them both having a career year.


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[Assistant] Maybe a wild card if Thatcher Demko regains form and every single thing goes right? There isn't much coming from the farm system anymore.


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[Assistant] The worst part about Vancouver is that they've done this all to themselves.


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[Assistant] It's something everyone saw coming from a mile away from every Benning Free Agency fuck-up to Jim Rutherford's two-faced approach.


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[Assistant] Yet no matter what anyone said, they continued to drive this doomed bus off the damn cliff. Repeatedly. Without understanding why the bus keeps going off the cliff. This may be a darker year for Canucks fans than 97.


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[Assistant] Do you know how bad you have to be to have people even consider such a thought?


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[Assistant] They fillet themselves into a corner with no real solution on what the hell to do.


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[Assistant] But most of the old contracts that are hampering them can't be moved without retention, if at all. It's the old adage. Be careful what you wish for.


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[Assistant] Gotta be worth a little bit, you know. I mean, how much did you want to get out of it? I wanted to get a thousand dollars out.


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[Assistant] At every race, engineers bring updates to try and find the fastest balance of downforce, drag and power. And each development they try is a new move in the battle to get a jump on their rivals. But how much difference do they really make?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It takes telemetry and timing data beamed live from every car in every session to calculate how much speed has been gained or lost by each team over the course of the year.


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[Assistant] The TV graphic shows how quick each team was at the start of the season compared to the fastest, how much they've moved forwards or backwards in terms of performance, and how many seconds faster or slower their car is now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not just development that this new data shows. Using another new insight, the car analysis graphic, we can delve right into how teams are finding that performance, where their strengths and weaknesses are, and where some teams have the edge over others.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The graphic compares one team's car to another's, shows how much time is being gained or lost due to power, downforce and drag, then adds these up to give a final figure for how much quicker or slower they should be overall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using these new insights, we'll be able to see


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[Assistant] Who's the strongest developer from year to year? Which teams have found the perfect setup? And which still have work to do? Who might have started to focus on next season's challenger? Where the exciting battles for precious points might emerge? And which teams are winning the Formula One arms race?


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[Assistant] Formula 1 drivers are some of the greatest on the planet. They have to deal with everything an F1 race can throw at them, all while keeping their car balanced on the ragged edge. So how can we tell who's the best when it comes to tackling the extraordinary demands of Formula 1?


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[Assistant] It takes live and historic data for every driver and gives them a score out of ten for seven key skills.


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[Assistant] How good they are around a single qualifying lap when the strength of their car is removed. How quickly they get up to speed at the race start. How smart they are at navigating the first lap.


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[Assistant] How good they are at hitting the right balance of speed and tyre wear. How well they play their part in the pit stops.


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[Assistant] Finally, it highlights any areas in which the driver has scored particularly highly.


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[Assistant] Who's kindness to their tires, and who's perfect in the pit lane.


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[Assistant] Who's the best of the overtakers? And who could be the fastest to the chequered flag?


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[Assistant] Drivers and engineers have to work together to try and build a car that's both high performance and easy to handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On Formula 1's TV coverage, the F1 Insights Car Performance Scores graphic analyzes this performance to give the car a score between 0 and 10, and a rank to show how it compares to others. A 5 shows that performance is average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With the perfect 10 showing that it should be unbeatable in those parts of the track.


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[Assistant] A car's handling determines whether it is more likely to understeer when the front tyres lose grip and the car can't turn fast enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the car performance scores graphic, a car's handling is shown on a scale bar with minus 10 showing maximum understeer, plus 10 showing maximum oversteer, and zero showing that the car is perfectly balanced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both performance and handling scores are calculated using thousands of data points that are streamed every second from every car, including the car's speed, track position, timing, g-force, steering angle,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your rate, circuit data, and track status.


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[Assistant] Our algorithm processes and compares these to both historical data and other cars on track and produces a score at the end of every lap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Using these scores for performance and handling, we can see which cars can power away on the straight and which can speed through the corners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which drivers prefer a car that understeers and which prefer a car that oversteers? Which teammate has the edge on the other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which cars should be easier to drive and which could be a handful?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With AWS's machine learning, the NFL is analyzing that data like never before with hopes of uncovering the insights that can lead to the innovations that could help make football better and safer than ever before. The same partnership already providing next gen stats during the game will deliver even deeper learning by studying every aspect and every play from every game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With advanced machine learning, we'll analyze video and visual data in brand new ways. We'll simulate players and entire games millions of times, which will help us shape key elements of the game, including new rules, equipment and rehabilitation and recovery strategies for players, as we aim to help predict injuries and intervene before they happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And work to apply this new understanding of safety on the field to benefit people and industries off of the field.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As football celebrates the last hundred years, the NFL and AWS are already innovating for the next hundred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Modern football's getting faster and faster, and players are increasingly getting into situations where they're put under a lot of pressure. Until now, there was no indicator for the pressure that a player in possession is receiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most pressed player is now enabling commentators, coaches and fans to see how often a player in possession is receiving significant pressure from his opponents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Relevant factors for a pressure situation are firstly the number of opposing players and their distance to the player in possession, but also the direction of every player's movement.


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[Assistant] So many around him. Kramaric! Oh super! This use case will automatically compare the number of significant pressure situations a player is experiencing in possession with the average number of pressure situations faced by his teammates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you really Tom, though? I keep saying that, but does that just seem like it might be just a reflex? But speaking of which, that is Tom Grossi.


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[Assistant] In the meantime, we're t we're talking about the n we're talking about bucket about off season. We're t into the nitty gritty of j and the madness because f be coming up in a couple are going to be moving le


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[Assistant] Combine next week too. So, everyone's gonna be flocking to Indianapolis and they're gonna be Oglin and all the quarterbacks and dreaming about a brighter tomorrow. And speaking of brighter tomorrows, not Brandon Perna, uh, you've got a big situation with your quarterback Russell Wilson. So, uh, give us a gist of what's going on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus we're talking about that dead cap hit too. So I mean, you have to trade that as well. A thing with Russell Wilson, he's a low end starter. So I mean, he didn't really exceed the expectations of that contract, but maybe a lower contract couldn't be a bad idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, those are going to be your three guys. Those are some deep cuts. I mean, like, everyone complained, like the older hats complained about Bubba Brister. This is pretty much where we're at right now. So, uh, yeah, we're, we're in late eighties mode and, uh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think a certain New York Giants fan does. Because if you think about it, Saquon Barkley will not be tagged with the franchise tag. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. I do have a question. Are you gonna get that jersey framed or are you just gonna wear that during streams now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not bad, but uh, let's get back on topic here, mainly with the Green Bay Packers, speaking of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Relatively interesting offseason coming up. New defensive coordinator to replace Joe Berry. What are your objectives or your bucket list for the Dream Packers offseason?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, that's what we're scared of, but we're already conditioned. It's like Pavlovian dog. Once the jocks end, suddenly now we're conditioned to not swear on this program.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, there is. There's been some big news on the punter front. Matt Arisa, the punt god, has secured an NFL job, signing with the Kansas City Cheats, which means that Tommy Townsend will more than likely be a free agent. Hollyknock will be happy.


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[Assistant] The thing too, you have to remember with the Kansas City Chiefs, they need to sign the Jerry Smead and Chris Jones. So you have those two places to figure out. So you got to drop cap wherever you can, which means Tommy Townsend, great punter, but you're going to save a few million by going from him to arrest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got to be the Browns with how bad they were, the close proximity. They, I mean, look at how, what happened when they acquired to Sean. I mean, good Lord, it's going to get bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I mean, maybe it happens to the Chiefs, but I mean, you're in the middle of dynasty stage right now. So maybe that time comes, but like, it's usually the bad fan bases that finally get sustained success. They're the ones that burst out. Yeah. Like the Vikings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's why they're so destructive. If they didn't have Vontes and Pac-Man on their field, the Bengals win that game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Iron City beer, I'm guessing. Like Iron City, they call it Iron City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I completely understand that. I just had a huge backlog to get through, so.


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[Assistant] I know, we actually did this. We should do it again sometime, maybe next week. Yeaah, I'll do it next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I mean, this season was already a success, but like now getting that stamp of going into the postseason, like it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By far. I mean, nobody could've like predicted...


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[Assistant] You know, this kind of sex. I said that we could have maybe won 10 games, right? We wound up winning nine. 10 will be on Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like the fact that they were able to do this, like with the youngest team in the NFL, you know, Jordan Love, as a first year actually starting quarterback, everybody's basically under the age of 25. It's pretty damn awesome. I mean, there's obviously like big problems with the Packers in terms of like secondary and defensive coordinator. You know, there's things that definitely could be cleaned up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's all house money. I've been saying that for weeks now, like if we somehow snuck into the playoffs, it would still be house money. And yeah, now it's against the Cowboys, like it would've been really fun against the Lions, cause I think like that would've been just a really fun matchup, especially for their first game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said weeks ago, he was my guy. I mean, like after the Panthers game, I was like, yeah, like he is even like he struggled in the Giants game, but then like finished it strong and like, you know, kind of put that what was supposed to be a game winning drive if it wasn't for the defense. And like, he is just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really awesome to see him emerge, but also just like the Packers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was never ready to fire Goody, but it was like, that's one of those things of just like, that's me as a fan, right? It's like when they drafted Jordan Love, I hated the pick. I didn't hate him. I didn't mind that we got Jordan Love. I hated that we drafted a quarterback in the first round. And that was solid at the time. So you weren't wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, no, it's not him. And then like even when he was doing poorly this entire, you know, this whole like middle part of the season, I was just like, you just gotta wait. You don't know. You just gotta wait and come up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, Scooter, real quick, just to go back, cause you mentioned Dak, and Dak, right, number one in the league in terms of passing touchdowns?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, because if you lose, then he'll be your head coach, got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, back to my original, uh, question. So, I'm walking in, I talked to you on the phone the other day, Scooter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm walking into this game, stress free. Stress free, cause it's house money. Packers could get blown out, 55-nothing, and of course I'll be upset cause it's my team. But I'll be like, okay, we'll see what we do next year. New defensive coordinator, you know, we'll get, we'll get some pieces. It'll be fun. So I got nothing to lose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happens if the Green Bay Packers as the 7th seed go into Dallas where they're undefeated and they defeat the Cowboys on Sunday? What happens to the Cowboys? I'll tell you what happens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think, like, this is possible. Like, him going to the Falcons, they have enough weapon. Perna and I talked about this today, like, definitely go to the commanders because they're gonna have a high draft pick so they can, you know, he can get whatever quarterback he wanted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if he wants to pull like a legit Brady and go to a team that's already mostly set,


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[Assistant] You go to LA for the QB, right? And you're like, okay, there's some weapons there.


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[Assistant] And then in that point though, Jerry Jones has got on record how many times now and said he'll do whatever it takes to win a Super Bowl if Bill Belichick's available.


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[Assistant] Yeah, do I actually think he's gonna go there? No, but am I just having fun now? Absolutely. I have no stress about Sunday. I have zero stress. If we lose, oh no, we were the seventh seed. If we win, oh boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my neighbors got a new dog recently and it was like really cute or whatever and like came up to Sinclair and Sinclair was like super happy and super excited. Uhm, I gave that more thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is what, do what you gotta do. Rock and roll. We get a second round pick from the Jets this year. Have a nice day. It's great. You know why?


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[Assistant] Okay. Like, it's not a guy I interact with, like, on Twitter at all, like, I know of Jason Whitlock, and I'm like, yea, this guy's a tool bag, like, whatever, and just move on with my day, cause I don't care, but damn, he had time yesterday, and he


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing though, I think what this taught me, and I've always recognized it about Stephen A. Smith,


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[Assistant] But damn, like, he's a legit, like, great entertainer. Like I've known this for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for him, just like as an orator and like him just being able to speak, like he legit just grabs your attention and the way that he'll like use inflection and stuff like that, I was just really impressed with it. He's just, he's like a damn good entertainer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing I was the most wrong about was good god, the LA Rams. I was so wrong about them. I was like, oh yeah, rebuild whole nine yards. Nope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that really hurts. Like it just, every time I see the forecast, I'm like, oh nope, that's still bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Quinn doesn't take it, yeaah, there's a decent chance, but I think Vrabel's going back home.


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[Assistant] Pakers Cowboys, Packers Cowboys. The Green Bane Motherlovin Packers. Cowboys by trail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which by the way, I'm sorry, why did they put the eagles and buccaneers on prime time on Monday night?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right. Clickbait's back, baby. She needs the countdowns back. Here we go now. Get your hands in the air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still listen, I, I know, I, I'm still working, I'm gonna be working till 3 o'clock in the morning. I still know the punishments I have, I gotta do the Tommy DeVito, I gotta do the muffins, I know, I'm not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, as long as I can say underneath, I lost a bread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did Michael Jackson say? No, it wasn't Heal the World. What was it? What was it? Hold me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Udyr, talk normally if the Cowboys are actually gonna win anything of note.


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[Assistant] No. Are you gonna live react to it, Tom? I have to go see Barbie because of all of you. Oh yes. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Scooter, play your favorite church hymn.


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[Assistant] There we go. There we go. Just use the room mic. Alright. One, two, three, four.


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[Assistant] I mean, I'm curious about it because it's Jack Wilson's birthday today. Oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cuz Aaron Rodgers posted him as like Captain America on Instagram.


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[Assistant] Yeah, freaking, Perno, what's going on with the Denver Broncos? Cause good God, another player out for the year? Yeah. Can we talk about this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say, like, the other, like, wide receiver who's, like, making a lot of waves is Ross over in Kansas City. Like, it seems like every day I'm, like, receiving clips or, like, they're popping up on the feed of just, like, him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's wild. But like, if Ross actually works out and like everybody and their mother called, like just don't go to the chiefs, like just don't let the chiefs pick him up, yeaah, it's gonna be a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, so Jordan Love, like it's been kind of a mix. The defense for the first time had to do up and up downs because they, whoever loses like the 11 on 11 drills has to do up downs. But yeah, like it kind of is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we've been seeing, like there's one day he had, I think it was Saturday, where he had like the best day of camp he's like ever had. And then there's other times where he's streaky. You know, so I think it's kind of like a mix of both, which again makes sense. He doesn't have a ton of experience. He kind of sat for a very long time. So I think at this point, you know, you're just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hoping that that consistency can get locked in and we'll see what he actually looks like during preseason, which I'm super excited to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, Jayden Reed. Yeah, 100%. Reed looks really, really good. That was the clip I played last week, like that they were doing the end around with him. Yeah, just like a speedy guy, like just adding another weapon to that offense. I'm excited to see what LeFord does to utilize him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited. I mean, like there's, there's things that are giving me cause for optimism, but I still of course have like some trepidation. But again, like we don't have any expectations this year. Like if the Packers turn out to be good, like I will be the happiest person in the world. And if they turn out to be bad, I'll be like, Oh, that sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, giants? I mean, like, if they're actual giants?


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[Assistant] Guys, predictions for tonight. Who do you think is gonna come away with the big win? I want you to think about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotta pay 65%, baby. Just 65%.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, no, I'm going to take my 2013 Hyundai Sonata, baby. It's going to be like, that's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, someone did suggest him singing the Ken song.


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[Assistant] Uh oh. Oh man. Oh good. No bueno. He's just part of that, right? Yeah, he got, he was the first time he's been named because like he was an athletic director at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Thursday, I forgot about everything that's already happened to my team. That's bad. I'm on to optimism. We're gonna beat the commanders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that we got Jerry, baby, give us 30 points.


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[Assistant] The one guy I thought maybe would be able to make an athletic play and Greg Dulcich, late, hurt for the entire second half. Hamstring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so then the Broncos are operating with three other tight ends who are all blocking tight ends. Jerry Judy's injured. Courtland Sutton is a possession receiver. He's not a get space type guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our running backs, uh, were efficient, but Gervonta Williams still coming back from that knee injury. He just couldn't get any explosive plays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So each, both the Raiders and Broncos had 10 penalties each, so a lot to clean up there. 20 total penalties. Uh, that, that hurt. And just like last year, when we needed our defense to get us stopped, they gave up a touchdown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He made smart decisions. There just wasn't a lot there. There wasn't a lot there. There's a couple plays you could criticize Russ for, but like, what quarterback...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you look at in a game and be like, oh, those three plays weren't that good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No turnovers. His two touchdown passes were really nice. Uh, one extends the play. That was a, fires a dart into the back of the end zone. So like, I, we talked about this on my Broncos podcast yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Broncos fans are not blaming Russell Wilson right now for their woes. So that's a huge win for Russ in the team. Uh, it's his stat, like if you just go and look at the box score, it's like, oh, he didn't do shit, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a weird game in that, like I said, only six possessions for the Broncos offense. So they're not going to, it wasn't a lot of opportunities to score there. So you need, you can play this like clock, clock game. You can eat clock as an offense. You can run the ball and just.


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[Assistant] I don't know. Here's what I'm optimistic about, okay?


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[Assistant] The Bragas sacked Garoppolo zero times. Zero sacks on Jimmy G. I think the official is they recorded three pressures all game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Commanders just gave up six sacks, okay? Sam Howell, young quarterback, gonna hold onto the ball a little bit longer. I just want to see a pass rush. Any form of a pass rush with Randy Gregory and Frank Clark and, uh, Jonathan Cooper, whoever we have in there.


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[Assistant] Somebody, somebody sacked the quarterback. If we can do that a couple times, maybe they're better.


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[Assistant] There's been a couple like season ending injuries, but right now it's just like a lot of guys who are...


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[Assistant] If your defense is that defense every week, you're a hundred percent right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see what happens over the course of time with the defense.


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[Assistant] A guy who looked pretty good week one was Stephon Gilmore. And one of the issues you guys had last year is some secondary, uh, problems. So, he-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was great with the Colts last year. It's like a matter of whether or not he can stay healthy and he had like just a really solid, like exactly what you want out of step on Gilmore. And if your coverage is good and you give.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That defensive line and your edge rushers, just that extra half second to get to guys and they can have seven sacks in the game, five sacks, four sacks. Like that was the 2015 Broncos defense. It's that secondary and the marriage with the pass rush was just crazy. And I, like, I felt that way early in that season watching like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If this stays this way, Scooter, you're gonna expect to sack every series out there. And that is a fun way to watch football.


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[Assistant] He's like, Pat McAfee talking like he really know his shit. And then he's like, you just another goofy.


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[Assistant] I honestly admire Kaderius Tony. I really do, because-


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[Assistant] If I had the game he had, I would not be talking to anyone on social media until I played a good game again.


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[Assistant] Like I wouldn't, like I wouldn't have the, I wouldn't have the, the, my, my skin wouldn't be thick enough to go out to the internet after that game and then start talking trash. Uh, I admire people who can do that. It's, I think it's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He asks the GM one question. He's like, is he worse than Antonio Brown? And if the answer is no, he's like, God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Chiefs are officially...


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[Assistant] That's, that's big because like he, the real issue was like he was lining up in the backfield basically. So I think part of his game and him being effective is getting that advantage there and also he's very good at timing the snap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like, we, we leaned into the false start thing. I think he timed a lot of those snaps well, but if he has to step up a little bit and if he has to wait an extra split second before he's getting that jump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is easy. The Eagles will win this game and the Eagles, uh, I know you're not gonna like this scooter. They're gonna look a lot better because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the thing we're overlooking is the Eagles played the Patriots defense. Yes. Even when the Patriots are not good, their defense is good.


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[Assistant] Belichick had plenty of time to, to prep for that game. Uh, I don't think the Vikings have a defense that's anywhere close to the Patriots yet. Maybe Flores can get them there. But I think we'll see like the Eagles team, we thought we were going to see, you know, week one, uh, closer to, to where they were last year in this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Reid White can ship out for the, the Eagles as well. And no, Kenneth Gainwell, but I think you'll see Deandre Swift actually, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get for exercising, God. Yea, you never do that. You never do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe another short today, but probably something from the game tonight, tomorrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is clickbait sports, the most...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bastardly of bastard NFL YouTube shows on YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we're five guys who talk about football every day, every week on our YouTube channels and the five minutes before this show started. You've never seen five men so sad and scared that football is here. Just a bunch of pathetic men.


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[Assistant] With no, no free time on their hands anymore. Uh, our life is, is the NFL's now. It's out of our control. And, uh, we, we're at its mercy. But it happens tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually take that back. Scooter's always positive. Even, even behind the scenes. Very positive. He's like, guys, I'm going to go to every football game next year. Uh, Tom's like, I have had one hour to sleep in the last week. Uh, but that's just cause he's making videos. Um, you know, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the charity shirts, uh, the cost to produce those basically ate all of it, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ian Rapport was saying most likely, uh, Chris Jones, expect him back around week eight. So I feel like they're still far apart. And I think the Nick Bosa contract, the chiefs are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I heard somebody talking about how the Chiefs play tonight on their defensive line, specifically their defensive front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How it handles tonight against the Lions is either going to help their leverage or hurt it, right? So the Lions run the ball down the throats and, uh, the Chiefs can't stop them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then Chris Jones is like, look, look what it's gonna look like without me. But if they, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do a decent job, and their offense will always keep them in games, but if their defense looks good, and it never really looks good early in the season, uh, every year we're like, maybe there's some questions with the Chief's defense, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Halfway through to the playoffs, the opportunistic defenses take over. And so, uh, yeah, it's, I think it's, it's in the fate of the Lions who are going to win tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I think it gets moved if like, the gi- or sorry, the buccaneers are clearly bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think Baker Mayfield throws a more catchable football than Tom Brady. Otherwise, why would have Mike Evans dropped that wide open touchdown against the Panthers last year? So I think he'll have an even better season. But if they're bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then yeah, they've, they've got some, some leverage to move in and there'll be teams that are competing that will be interested in Mike Evans.


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[Assistant] One or two of those guys might be good, but there's nobody knows who the dog is going to be in that offense right now. Darren Waller's going like in the third round. And then it's like, oh shit, I'll take Jalen Hyatt in round 18. I'll take...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I saw Baker Mayfield play on Christmas, and he looked pretty dang good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ripped Josh McDaniels and the Raiders. I just dunked on them as hard as I could yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. Then that night, some more shit about Chandler Jones comes out. Looks like a more serious situation.


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[Assistant] Then I gave it credit for. Thought Chandler Jones just mad at the organization. It's like Josh McDaniels has made so many players mad. I'm sure this is Josh McDaniels fault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we learned maybe there's some serious stuff going on with Chandler Jones. Don't know what's true right now.


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[Assistant] So then today, I had to make an apology video, saying I was sorry for crucifying Josh McDaniels. I had to apologize to the Raiders, cause I didn't like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never apologize. So, what I'll say at this point is we probably shouldn't talk about Chandler Jones until we actually know more about the situation, until they work it out with the Raiders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he turned him away. It doesn't mean that that's definitely what's happening. I think it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's, it's, I'm trying to just not be blinded by my hatred for Josh McDaniels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, Brandon? You were a big man. You admitted you were wrong, and we're all proud of you. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say that. You know what, Brandon? And then we'll, uh, let the Raiders work it out. And then when we know more, we'll talk about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you something about these Detroit Lions, okay? They're going to win this game. Not just because I want those GD Chiefs to lose, okay? Not just because that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one thing I'm legit most curious to watch from the Detroit Lions, and I don't care if Kelsey is in or out of the game,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is their secondary. Is their secondary gonna look just competent, somewhat competent? Their run defense was horrible last year. They bring in Sam Laporta, uh, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh sorry, not Laporta, they bring you Jack Campbell on defense. Jack Campbell the linebacker! Sorry, they did bring Laporta, but he plays tight end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think all of that's gonna be better. And I think if their defense just is respectable, then this team is pretty damn good. You talked about Jared Goff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got a healthy Amon Ra St. Brown, maybe the most underrated, underappreciated receiver in the league. And then we got Jameer Gibbs, the second running back taken, the one that is going to light up the Kansas City Chiefs tonight. Okay, 200 yards of rushing offense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, the Chiefs linebackers are pretty good, so maybe 200 yards, a bit optimistic. Willie Gay, Nick Bolton, whoever the hell they have back there, pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never felt so confident about a Detroit Lions win in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to see Dan Jones throw for 350 yards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmmmm. Hold on. One second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, you know how, you know how I know something's wrong with Dan Jones? How do you know? His best season?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was with Pet Shermer. That doesn't make any sense to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The overreaction to them losing is going to be of epic proportions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, if Sean Payton, all the hype around Sean Payton, if they come out and they extend the Raiders win streak to the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going to see people in Denver, probably rioting, possibly in the streets. You're going to see a lot of negativity and it's not going to be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They lost to the muskrats, or the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For chiefs fans, like legit, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He hyper-extended his knee two days ago. Uh, if you have to sacrifice this game so he can actually heal, that is the better play. Uh, I know he wants to be out there, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody who twisted their ankle playing football Saturday and it is still blue and purple?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was catching a pass from former NFL player Cody Latimer. I wasn't going to drop the ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Grosse has to buy a Justin Fields jersey, and then he has to run for the 1200 yards that Justin Fields had, uh, last season rushing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just sprinting back and forth on the football field until he accumulates 12 sprints rushing total from last year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, win or lose, 1143 rushing yards exactly. Yep. In a Justin Fields jersey. In one take.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one knows how hard I tried. Oh, I, I have feelings that I can't explain. It's driving me insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll sleep alone tonight, cause I'm just tree. Anywhere else I'd be free. Is it my destiny to live and die a life of brown virginity?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just tree, when I see love she wants to pee. What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan spot for me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a great show scheduled. Rehearse and practice for you today. We are excited about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joining me on the third annual mock draft, clickbait mock draft, starting in the top left, we have none other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then Brandon Perna, Brandon, how are you doing today? Welcome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not bad. Is this the third or fourth mock draft?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is fair. That is fair. And our General, Sir Lord Thomas Daniel Grassi will be joining us in a bit. He's just running a bit behind. And me of course, Scooter Magruder, ready to give you guys a jam-packed rock draft. Are you guys ready for this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clock. Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, uh, Marvin Harrison is out four, the Cardinals are not trading this pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people are even starting to question whether or not Trevor Lawrence is even decent enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the problem. They don't have John and Smith anymore. Who are they going to throw it to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Give them the receiver who broke the 40 time. What was- Oh, Worthy? You're talking about Xavier Worthy. I'm Xavier Worthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you did, right? Peersault, yeah. Peersault, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a great combine. I really hope he does not go to the Eagles. I will be sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ravens, who should the Ravens be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck that. Yeah, give them a Ola verse. They need a Ola. Okay, fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you guys have coming out other than trees only fantasy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I have several We're Blank fans videos coming out. Uh, let me know which team I should do next. That and NBA fans before the playoffs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we didn't flood our streams with this crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'm gonna go human centipede on that. Alright chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, he has the end, too. He's also a star football player, but if you think about it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else does he really have to accomplish at the NFL level? He's a Super Bowl champion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a multi-time all-pro, probable hall of famer. He's going to get a bussing cat and he's made hundreds of millions of dollars and probably going to make more in endorsements, deals. He probably has real estate holdings, uh, financier, like he wants to get in the business side of things. So if you're Tyree Kill, you finish out your contract, you have 10 years, you go out on a blaze of glory in your peak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you probably are going to be in the hall of fame, maybe first bout. So my question is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it makes sense for Tyree Kill and it makes sense for a lot of players because remember, Aaron Donald's always been on the verge of retiring as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe this pushes him to say, you know what? I'm going to be out too because he's automatically going into Canton. He's won a ring. He has hundreds of millions of dollars. He's already accomplished what needs to be accomplished. If you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will only accept it if Jason and Travis have a dueling piano bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently like one of the females was having an affair with one of the band members and it caused like a big split.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you gotta check your cables, brother. Maybe it's a connection issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you know who I'm thinking? Aaron Rodgers is going to the Indianapolis Colts. He needs to be closer to Pat McAfee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Aaron Rodgers because they don't want to pay. So Indianapolis is going to swoop in and be like, hey, we need another rental quarterback. We'll trade two first round picks for Aaron Rodgers because that's what the Indianapolis Colts would do. So I think that may be the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Beast of Metal, sorry, he'd be the team czar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, he'll be the team czar and I'll die. I know this is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jerry Jones has bought the fountain of youth. Where did Zeke Stein? Where did Zeke Stein?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heinebach is like frozen now. It's like frozen scooter. He's debating on how the Dallas Cowboys are going to lose in the playoffs next year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There we go. Wow, he went way under. I mean, dude, they've been playing, they were good for a long time. I mean, that's true. He went with longevity. Smart play. Smart play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your answers! Oh, I can't do, uh, I have to limit it to 50 characters. Oh, god dammit. I gotta, darn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we should have a, we should have a... Well it's hard to look at when it's right next to the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to make a joke and say Paxton lunch. Hey, he. Christian Hackenberg. Chad Kelly went on to win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got two. I don't even know if the second one. The third one is Jared Stidham.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't say the whole answer. My sixth answer is Eason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can name a bunch of these guys off the bat. You better write them down. Oh dude, I can't write them in the display name. Just do last names.