[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, we look normal. Just like eccentric YouTubers. Just weird white people, I guess is basically. A podcast, like a podcaster, and then like a very oddly shaped SoundCloud app.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks sad, but it's cause it was the day X died. I know, Rest In Peace X, like, and that's why I hit you up, I was like, are we still doing this, you know? That fly is really drawn to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, I was like, yo, where'd you get those clothes? And he was like, London, and I just made like a funny little meme, you know what I mean? And people were like, giving me shit, and I was like, yo, chill, like, look, we're friends, like, we're not friends, but like, we're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like literally, and he picked Lil Xan, and I was, when I read that message, uh, I just, I just moved into my first place in LA, so you know, I was like, still on, still blowing up like shit, and I read that message, so I was like, taking back, I was like, should I do it, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in Barcelona and it was like the last day of like basically the tour so I was like, oh you dropped something there buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gangster. Like, I'm not one of those posers that comes out to LA and is like- I'm an LA guy now. Like, yo, I'm from LA, born and raised in LA. I was born in the motherfuckin' San Medina, like Redlands, the 909.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, the factory. You see like the big factory. I thought that was just one of their factories. I didn't know that was like the fucking head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so, I mean, shit, I guess at this point. I feel like the scratch marks are almost- That's pretty close, yeaah. Pretty close to the actual fuckin' logo of Monster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, I cancelled halfway through because like I said, they were overworking me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was like, yo, we got five days off. I'ma go home and then come back. And I just never came back. I just like went with like Annie to the Bay and like chilled and like hid away from the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, shit, I like, I, it did, you're right, it did really like, I was like, okay, well if she's blooming on that shit, it'll probably be ten times easier for me to do like vlogs and shit, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where there's like a meme where it's like on all my videos it's like, oh, just an English comment passing by. Like because of how many fucking, no, like, English comments there are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did the K.K.O. Me and Ken Folk, uh, John over here, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think it's going to be a big crossover record because he's speaking in his native tongue and I'm speaking in mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it's gonna hit, like, the billboards. You on Lil' Got It yet? Lil', Lil' Got It is? Lil' Got It. Oh, Lil' Got It? That's a, that's a rapper now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit. It's fire. I feel like an old man, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, and Head of Security, he's filming right now. You guys can't see all the smoke, it's their new brand. Oh, okay. I'm a big part of the startup. Feel me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, nah. It just didn't really work. It's just because I really don't s- I- I don't stay on the internet, like type shit, so I really be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really be just M.I.A. for like a while and then I'll come back like, I didn't even know Billie Eilish was me for Halloween and her concert like until two weeks after it happened cause I was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, I think, I think so. I'm not, I don't know for sure, but I mean, she's like the new Lana Del Rey, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I'm down bro, I'm trying to hold the record from most podcasts on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's so tasty. Fuck it. Alright, Lil Xan in this bitch. Yo, what's up? You already know. No jumper. That's the camera right? Yup. Fuck yeah. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We are moving towards greater risk. We must do something to address the regulation of hedge funds and especially derivatives in this country. 33 trillion dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is the hideout of the Maroons?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You waste my time, sorcerer. Restraint, scorpion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Earthrealm's fate is sealed, Nightwolf. Not yet. We fight until the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see, their souls are already mined, shall we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Florida, why was Ted Cruz in Orlando? It's the Cancun of America. I don't think anyone says that. Not yet. But we could start it. Just tell me what you did this time. He was just here for CPAC. The Antibiotic Azithromycin? No, that's ZPAC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CPAC is the machine you use for sleep apnea. No, that's CPAP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CPAC are the guys that patrol the highways in California. No, that's CHP.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CPAC is where you put safety information brochures on an airplane. No, that's a seatback.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CPAC are those resealable plastic bags for leftovers. No, that's Ziploc. CPAC are those tiny pill-shaped mints that come in the plastic box. No, that's Tic-Tac. CPAC is- ENOUGH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, sorry. Florida, just tell us what CPAC is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An L pack. L pack like the smaller cousin of the llama? No, that's an alpaca. Alpaca would be a pack of losers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's accurate. Just once, I'd like to have a normal conversation here. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, we just did one. I've done like a podcast before. Uhm, should I even say though? Cause it's like competition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like the same thing, just different types of content. I mean, most of the stuff that I do isn't even for my premium, it's just like vlogs and stuff. Basically what people do on YouTube, but for my Snapchat Q&A is vlogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I mean it does good, you know, so I'm gonna put what I get into it out of it. Uh, opposite, I'm not sure who you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of, like, I mean, I watched, like, The Girls Next Door, like, a Playboy, and, like, Anna Nicole Smith and stuff, and I sorta just, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so we were together whenever I first turned 18, then we broke up whenever I did porn, and then a year ago we got back together. And at first it was kind of difficult because then, you know, people would bring it up to him, he would go on Pornhub and look at the videos and get like really upset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so basically I just had to be like, listen, if you want to be with me, you can't be nagging me every day about these videos. You know, it is what it is. So we had to move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, you know it's difficult and he definitely doesn't like to think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I didn't realize that I could make so much money. Like to me at the time, I remember I was getting like $20 tips. Like they'd be like, oh, you're so cute. Like here's $20, whatever. And I thought that that was so much money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I booked my first room at like the first night that I was dancing at the strip club and it was like $300. I was like, oh my god, this is so much money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did that at Miami. Yea, you like pay the house for like a room that comes out of like your fee and then, you know, you just dance for them. This was a no-touch club, but I mean sometimes guys would try to like grab your boobs or whatever. At first I didn't know that I could be like, no, like don't touch me. So a lot of guys like got away with like touching my boobs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's always like one like amazing girl at the strip club that you're like obsessed with. I had like the biggest crush on this girl that worked there. Really? But she was like such a bitch. Like she wouldn't even talk to me and like she'd always like walk her hair. She was probably threatened by you because you were the new hot girl. She looked like Ariana, like a white version of Ariana Grande. She was like way hotter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it wasn't really to get back at him, I mean, I sort of always wanted to do it, you know, but I put it off, cause I was like, oh, this relationship's really great, you know, I'm not gonna do that, and then once it was over, like, you don't love me, fine, I'm gonna go do what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't like, oh I wanna go get fucked by like all these guys, I love sex, like it wasn't that, it was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I said, like I was watching these people and I thought that they were super cool. And so I wanted to try this and it turned out really well for me. Like, you know, I'm not going to lie. Like my life is great now. I don't have to suck dick for money now. I make money from doing other things. So I'm extremely fortunate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know that I can choose if I want to do porn or do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he was just interesting. Let's put it that way. And we never had sex. We just cuddled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're gonna be the next Sasha Grey, you're gonna be the next this, that I don't know why. Like honestly, like I wasn't that cute when I first started. One of my boobs was like way bigger than the other one. Like I had a lot of things that were wrong with me, like physically I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be successful so bad that it's sort of like imprinted on other people. Like I personally don't think that I'm that great to like deserve, you know? There's way harder girls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, whenever I was 16, as I was telling Lena earlier, I was a virgin until I was 18. I never even kissed a guy from my high school, but there was one guy who I did anal with whenever I was 16.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, anyways, so we were at IHOP and I gave them a blowjob under the table at IHOP and they did catch us, but not like during the blowjob. They let me like continue doing the blowjob. But then I was a really, really, really bad, like troubled kid and we dine and dashed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, I think that's like the craziest like sex experience I've done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, so I got booked, yeaah, basically what I was saying was I was getting booked like way too much. It was like too much for me. And so I actually like quit for a while just because I didn't want to work with the agent that I had anymore because I just felt like it was like, I don't know, he would like yell at us and stuff like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I wanted to go to the doctor and like it just wasn't right, like I knew like this is wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I ended up coming back because I needed to pay my taxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then that's whenever I did like my second run. Both of these runs in porn were only like four months long. And then the second time I just like got, you know, where I am now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually got the most famous from porn after I quit porn. Like, all of a sudden I was number one on Pornhub after I quit porn. Wow, really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think like majority of it, like it's, it was that, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had people post online that I'm a heroin addict, like, trashed by a bunch of people, that I'm a heroin addict. I've never, like, I don't do drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean, honestly, like, they only really care about my butt. And so, if I wear a bra, like, they're not gonna see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, then for my public, it's mostly like talking and stuff. I don't really, my public snap. And then premium, like honestly, like for my shows, I mostly just do like doggy and then like the cowgirl with your butts facing the camera. Like they don't really care about my boobs. They're not that great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I mean I definitely had to like stretch it to be able to do that. You know, I actually like broke it one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know, I just woke up one day and I was like in excruciating pain and then I went to the doctor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, you know, I had like all these important, at the time, everyone was telling me, oh, it's important. You have to get back to work and do like these showcases and all this stuff. Now I realized it was fucking porn. Why the hell did I go back to work with a bleeding asshole? Jesus Christ, this is insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is a showcase? A special movie based around you and you're the only girl like in the movie. You're the star of it. And so it's like the biggest, you know, thing, whoever has the most showcases in a year is like, you know, the best performer of the year or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably like, porn girls that you talk to that are like, in that world. It's so weird, like they- they're just brainwashed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Riley is like a really good example of like a girl who's like had like a good career and done well for themself and like doesn't, you know, she's not like one of those girls that you talk to. I feel like she has like her own life and identity outside of porn as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just like a porn person, like some girls, you'll talk to them and they think that they have to be like, I'm such a huge slut. I love sucking dick. Oh my god, stuff all my holes, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for a lot of last hours, you know, basically doing whatever the fuck they tell you to do and if you're not cool with something, you know, you get pressured into doing it. You know, it's just, it's ridiculous and people don't have to deal with that anymore because we have so many other options.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, so he used to work at, like, the board of trade and stuff, so he was a, uhm, what's it called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, I mean now, like, I am the sole person who makes money and he's basically, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For him to go and have a job, he's not gonna make nearly as much money as I make. It makes more sense for him to come and like work for me essentially, because then I can be way more productive and get way more done, cause you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't do anything like to be more attractive, like literally like the outfit you saw me in today, like a t-shirt and sweatpants, that's what I wear every day. I look like trash and then I take a shower and get ready to be on camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I mean, he doesn't last like very long either, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The godmother? I mean, I wouldn't have one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not really, like, close to anyone, honestly. Like, my two best friends live in, like, different countries and we FaceTime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, retired, yeaah. One of them is actually having a kid right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You download the app, and then you, uhm, it only works with iPhone, I think. And then you, like, not on the, uhm, little film, and then you put it on the camera on your iPhone, and you can literally see the sperm swimming around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but Snapchat does better and I was talking to Riley today and she's like, her Snapchat does better than like a website. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I saw this guy and it was just like he was so beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like, I was like hinting at him, like he really didn't get the hints. And so then I straight up asked him and he was pretty upset. So I like want one of my friends to sleep with this guy. So then like I can like hear like what it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, you know, like just stuff that like makes it like, you know, not the way that it was before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fork rush. It's like your whole body tingles all over the place and it's a good feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happy giddy, but then when you come down off of it, then they start going, people start


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Want more and they go crazy and that's when they do, they lose themselves. I think meth has destroyed this community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sub-Zero, we will disrupt the Sol-Nado.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, because what we want to do is have a show where we wanted our show, when we started our show we were like, how can we be different? And we were like, everybody walks from a curtain, let's just have them come through the audience, so that we're all in it together. That's what we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well that's again, same thing. We were like, oh, how can we, how can we just stand out in some way in the mass of like shows that are on in the middle of the night?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I can't remember, but you were a terrific guest. Yeah. Like, we really felt like, and I mean this, I don't mean this in any way, uh, sort of sycophantically, we, we, I genuinely felt like it was a, a real thing for our show to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god no, no, no, I, no, I wouldn't, my, we came here, my wife and I, our, our son was three, our daughter was 12 weeks when we moved here, and I wouldn't, I said to my wife, I was like, we're not buying anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, we rented furniture, we rented a couch, everything in our house because I was like, I'm gonna get fired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. It was, we, uh, we, no, well we bought a house about a year ago and then, and then it was like, okay, if we bought a house we should probably buy a couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it might not be my choice, I'm not sure, it's not, it's, I might, I still might get fired, I think that every day. That's what I mean, I came in slow and I thought if I come in slow, they might go, ah, that's the wrong guy, so if I,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's uh, Judy Dench, uh, Ian McKellen, Idris Elba, Rebel Wilson, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson, uh, and then me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, kind of. It's still people being cats, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, a lot of people, I'm, I'm, I'm like Daniel Day-Lewis. I immerse the character. You know what I mean? So... So what have you done? I've just been living as a cat. I've... I don't use the bathroom, I have a litter tray. And then I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My father taught me that we are fated by the gods, but that we alone choose our path. You were fated to be an emperor, and I, a soldier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My father's sense of honor drove him to follow a path that served the people. But what drove us to take the paths we did? What made us the men that we are today?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't join the army to bask in the sun, Father. I want to fight like you did for the Empire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vitalian oversaw the completion of my training, and made good on his promise. As part of the 14th, I'd soon have all the blood I could ever want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That fetid lair at the edge of our empire was hung to the bastards that had slaughtered my family and led the very rebellion which had spewed onto the streets of Rome. My posting with the 14th would take us to these aisles where I would wreak my revenge, crushing this insurrection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our march north towards the rebel heartland was brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vitalion led our forces further north, beyond the borders of our empire, to the edge of the world. We fought against warriors more beast than men. So fearsome that even Rome's elite legions had failed to conquer them. Oswald's foreboding words haunted us as we marched ever deeper into the unforgiving darkness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horned men from ancient times roam these lands, and of those who venture there, few return.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Commodus was safe, and Oswald ready to accept peace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I pray to the gods that an end to this horrific bloodshed was within our grasp. That I could finally return with my mental realm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bearings didn't kill my father. The Emperor did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's armoured and will withstand anything that barbarians can throw at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In order to exact my vengeance I'd have to return to where my journey began. Return to my home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I needed entry to the Emperor's Torment. This could be granted by just one man, so I paid him a visit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I come for the tournament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I swear to you, Centurion, Rome will not fall. Not today. Today, we fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Settle whatever's left of the sixth legion to come about and reinforce the west flank. Pull the fifth out of the old quarter to do the same. I'll find whatever's left of the fourteenth and take on the enemy in front of the palace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, uh, yeaah, so he was like, didn't fuck with Skinny anymore, and then Skinny's been like, trying to pretend that he doesn't know who Chimma is and shit, but like, he knows who Chimma is, we've got like, mad pictures of him with Chimma, like, Skinny has no cloud in his jersey because we all fucking hate him, so he had Chimma, cause like, Chimma got some cloud off his song, like, she stuck it on my dick, I don't know if you ever heard of it, but, got like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, nah, but yeah, so him and Chimma like used to be boys and he's pretending like he doesn't know who Chimma is. So we dissed Skinny on my song cause, I mean it's called Skinny Legend Anthem, we cannot talk about Skinny from the Nine, especially since we don't like him and we got our own personal problems with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I have like wealthy, well off parents, like my mom rides horses and shit, and then my dad like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. My dad's a good guy. My parents are really like, conservative, nice people, so obviously they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Other things. Wow. We're not gonna get into it. Uhm, yeaah, diet pills, uh, if you watch my Dr. Phil episode, which is obviously very important, like pop doc, diet pills, like tic tacs and shit, yeaah, it was a wild good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was weird, it was just a weird experience. Then I like posted up on like one of my like private stories or something, a weird text he sent me and I was just like, yo, I was like, you, you know your box is the best, like when you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't a good girl. Like okay, so I was like kind of a loser and then one day I was just like fuck this and I like hooked up with my first boyfriend in a stairwell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but like it made people think that they like, people thought that about me, so I like played that out. And then they nominated me for homecoming court, cause they like wanted to like troll the fuck out of my school. So then that's, I like wrote this crazy shit for homecoming, like I took these crazy pictures and shit. Like all the other girls were like smiling, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, uh, I don't really know. I listen to Skinny Legend Anthem, cause I mean, that's what we're here for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was not forced upon you by the game. It was not forced upon me. Like all the haters and shit on my Instagram were like, yo, don't do music. And I was just like, fuck that, I'm gonna do music. You told me I'm not gonna do music, I'm gonna do music. So then I like hit up my boy Big Dick Chimma, cause like, who the fuck else am I gonna do a song with besides Big Dick Chimma? So I was like, yo, I was like, Chimma, let's make a fucking skinny anthem. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's make all these haters shit their jealousy out. Like if you listen to this song, like I slurred the whole first thing cause I was like blacked out off like four or four logos and shit, like just off it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking crazy. So I said something, I was just like, I don't give a fuck, I don't remember what I specifically said, and Dr. Phil's like, you can't be cursing on my show, blah blah blah, and I was just like, I was like, yo fuck the FCC, blah blah, and they like, cut that out, and I was just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She doesn't even rap her own songs in person. Like, I was just like, I was like, fuck this, I left early, I was like, I was just genuinely curious. And so she saw Skinning Legend Anthem and she commented like, Jesus on it. And I feel like she's got a lot more to say about me, cause like, I think she knows I've been talking shit on YouTube and whatever. So I have a message for her and I hope she sees this. I wanted to pull up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And that's how it's gonna go. And that baby's gonna know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think she's with the shit, like me, I'm authentic, but look, look, I'm fucking being like real as fuck on here, like, come on, like she's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, me and Chima just sat down five- we thought we did that whole song in a day. The whole music video-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, Chimma kinda, Chimma's good with that shit. Catchy lyrics and stuff. So like, me and Chimma did that together. But like, there's no one behind it but us. We like, created this whole thing and now we got like, people up, like, up our asses about it. Like, people are begging for us to drop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I probably, why would I model, you know? Fuck that. When I could like make music and make people not want to be fat anymore, you know? Change the world that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, it won't be a porn star. Pornhub does follow me. Like, you know, Aria, the girl who runs the... Shoutout Aria. Yeah, shoutout Aria. What's up, girl? Like, she follows me. She's my girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm not really a thot. Like, that's the one thing about me, like hey, like I could post thotty pictures, like I could talk about dick, whatever, but like I'm not actually a thot, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My experience. When I don't black out and like I had like a lot happen to me with guys and stuff and like, like we're gonna be real for a second and like yeaah, something pretty bad happened when I got blacked out and like it was filmed and sent to the entire like school. So that's another reason why I decided to black out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's some dumb shit, but like we're not really, like I can't really get into it cause now we got legal shit with that. But like that, that really calmed me down with those kinds of things. Really? Yeah. So now like with guys, not a thought, like I'm not easy to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like I used to like finesse old men, like me and my friends would go out to dinner with old guys and make them think that yo, like they could like hook up with us, whatever. Like I've had like big like rich guys in my GMs and shit being like, yo, come out with me. And they would like give me money and give me presents and shit. Like I used to do it before this whole social media stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's the finesse, that's what makes it like lit, you know? It was like LinkedIn with perks. Like, just like, you'd go down and be like, yeah, I just wanna be platonic, be friends, can you help me make business connections, blah blah blah, like you're so smart and you're so old, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, mad people are adding my LinkedIn and shit now cause they're like trying to like, I get messages on LinkedIn like guys trying to slide in my DMs cause like they think, oh if I slide in her Insta DM she won't see it but if I slide in her LinkedIn DMs, yo, she'll see it and I'm like nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just doing my thing. Like, if people fuck me, they fuck me. If people don't fuck me, they don't fuck me. I mean, I've already got, like, deals and money coming my way. Like, fuck it. Like, who's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he's like close to all the Migos. Oh, I don't know. But I probably, yeah, maybe, maybe I would, uh, offset, you know, just to fuck with Cardi B because it'd be funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever think about fat people having stacks? Like, now I kinda wanna go home and like Google fat porn, like now I'm curious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, how do I survive? Jewel these days? Ice coffee. That's the way to live. And then when you get too shaky, you know, you just pop like a bunch of like, Nyquil and Sleep Aid knockout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like we all realized, we're like, yo, we're so fucking ugly. Like I went there with like a ratchet ass weave. I was pale. Like I looked like shit. My makeup was whack as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like had a good time, sort of, but like surviving that shit was crazy. Like basically it was like surviving bird box except like we could see, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's so, like, I don't know, weed sucks, like, overrated, it's a waste of money, like, people who smoke, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess get his own clout, get DMs, get follows and stuff like that. So, Chim is riding off my way, but obviously I'll put Chim on. Like, I got a couple boys out there who are like pretty talented. I'll put them on my album and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, duh, duh, skinny from the lines of a rat, he sucks. He is just a shitty person, like, he, and like, talking to him is annoying as hell, like, he's short as fuck, he's a weird looking, he looks like, like a little creature, like, just coming at you with his little grill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yea, I smoothed my skin out, like, I used to face him like crazy, and then people like, this is what happened, this is why I stopped doing it, cause I like showed up to, uh, uhm, like, fucking like, you're gonna pull pictures of my face now and compare it to me aren't you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that your last dose? We're almost out of everything. Ha!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey wait a minute, this guy, he's got one of those GPS Zombrex chips right there!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the same idea I had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's safe to say things are a lot worse than we thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why does your boss want to find someone so bad that he'll wait around when a bomb's gonna go off? Don't you want to get out of here, Gary?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I could do that to her. It's nothing personal, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll have to ask my boss if she knows where she went. She seems to know a lot about them and where they hang out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe. I met this guy. He's looking for Annie, I think. Said he'd give me some fuel if I could lead her to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to go to Ingleton with me or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you guys help me find what I need? You know, maybe we can work together to get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can go to the police station. I mean, if it's just getting that information off the computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman from the TV. Hemlock's head of security. She's killing survivors. Why are they doing this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did this! These people were just looking for safety, you had no right to kill them!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we meet at the plane? It's at the shipping warehouse, down at the docks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was the terrorist that caused the outbreak in Willamette back in 2006. His sister Isabella helped him. They brought the parasite from Central America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Co-operative? I think we should just calm down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on. Let's get Andy and the others from the karaoke bar and let's get the hell out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rhonda? Are you in here? Rhonda? Oh god, Rhonda!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rhonda, you'll be dead soon if we don't stop the bleeding. We only have a few minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I told him if there were any problems to meet us at the plane, so... Maybe he's there, let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nick! Annie! Are you okay? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Negative, sir. We haven't cornered. Requesting additional time to mop things up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not a good time to get cold feet, buddy. Hemlock's doing something here in town collecting something. What the hell's that guy looking for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We at Carbs Biochemicals would have been much, much happier, uh, if only


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was some guidance given by the DEA or the proper authorities in the United States about, uh, these are the legitimate users, uh, you are okay if you have any business dealings with these guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guidance in that fashion would have certainly helped us at Krebs Biochemicals in being perhaps a better citizen. Maybe we do not know how much of our material would have landed into the illegitimate hands. That could have certainly been prevented.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's beginning to look a lot like puppy. Hold up, I am on my way. I'm in motion. Let's go to the ocean. Yeah, let's go outside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It allows you to pursue this fantasy because I enjoy indulging you, Marion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No Jumper, coolest podcast in the world, and today I am here with porn legend. Legend okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so just a regular east coast town or what was that like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just regular ass, middle of the country ass people. I mean, I'm from New Hampshire, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're just here regardless? The dog's just suffering at home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doctor, I can't stop sucking my own dick. Oh, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna put this cone around your head. It'll be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm probably just gonna not get into my mouth in general. If that happened, if I could somehow make it happen, I'm probably gonna not. I'm definitely not gonna not in my own mouth. That sounds terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yes. But that's like, so that's different than like com or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I talk shit about Christianity and other religions or why that of all things? It's just a dumb ideology, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna risk you getting mad at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I only think you have to look at what the characteristics of that experience were aside from the belief in a apparently non-existent being.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom used to always defend religion to me by being like, oh, Adam, I've had some of the most meaningful experiences in my entire life at that church, blah, blah, blah. And then I got older and I'm like, mom, that doesn't mean anything. You could have a meaningful experience, what, like a bunch of people coming together and bonding over a shared interest. Like you could have that at the fucking bowling alley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been more moved than the average orgy than I ever was in church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you're just a young girl in the church. When does it become apparent that you're actually a sadistic, sick fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's weird how as a young kid you can really be like terrified of sexuality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just constantly having to deal with the fact that I'm 35 and still just in a young man's game. So I'm constantly kind of being reminded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're into squirtin' and gangbangs, I'm into tax evasion. I'm actually not. Feel free to look into me, I have a very healthy dialogue going on with the IRS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, okay, but so yea, you're 18, you decide, finally, oh, the, the friend had a hot older brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like how you discovered your, your control over your own life in a lot of ways, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like your vehicle to realize your own, like, not just sexuality, but your own, like, potential because you've been sort of crammed into this structured thing. Generic, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you would never have these, you would never allow yourself to have these sort of experiences or feelings so much before that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't think about maybe fucking all the friends too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that the first sexual experience you had after him, or was this just a cascade of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Calling it interracial when it is not on camera and it was just a person is pretty amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I got all these friends, black friends, never even seen their dicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What would you think? Not smooth, not that smooth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, we'll come back to the relationship, but okay, so you lose your virginity to this guy in your butthole and your pussy, I guess, but then how did you end up fucking this other friend six days later? Is this just the beginning of you just sort of becoming a promiscuous young adult?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you want to be playing second fiddle to him or did you just sort of find yourself being thrown into that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It wasn't like your decision or just in retrospect, you just, you weren't thinking straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you put all these like new found sexual desires kind of on the back burner while you were in this relationship with him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you seem like an extremist. Like anything you get into, you're gonna go 100% into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's your relationship with that now? Are you trying to just not do it at all or are you trying to balance it out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Just cause you're able to have so much fun doing it and make a bunch of money while you're at it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, I guess more specifically, do people ever regret stripping? Probably, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, most of the girls I know are the types who probably wouldn't regret it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you the hustler that was just scamming the fuck out of these dudes and stealing money out of their pockets?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like as, as a strip, say I was a strip club owner and I found out that one of my dancers was distributing narcotics to the customers. I might be a little bit like, geez, this might be an issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever have anything like terrible unfold in those circumstances or was it all pretty standard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were you making much money doing porn compared to the stripping thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but you were motivated, what was it? Was it the idea of like creating this character or was it the idea of just, did you just love the attention or what was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so she was like the hot new girl at that moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think ever in the history of the fucking known podcast universe has a woman ever called out another woman for faking triple anal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you've never had any issues with the shit appearing or anything? Only one time. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's amazing. See, that honestly might compete with my favorite story that any pornstars ever told on the show, I think, was when Elena Lopez was telling me about how a guy couldn't get hard so she took him in the bathroom and ate his ass for a half hour while texting her boyfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, this is the most amazing cascade of logic that I've ever witnessed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just not, yea, you could just go home from the bar and just do ATM with some guy you met.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you were to put your dick in there, you'd sort of feel that it's like an awkward pathway or what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was triple anal, was that like Tony Hawk doing the 900? Was that like something that you really had to gear up for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would really like to salute the guy in the middle because he's really not touching any female at all. He's just dick on dick on both sides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta be bros, like just you and your bros are just bro-ing down. They weren't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like there should be, whenever they do like a mural for like firefighters or like police who, who passed away being heroes, they should put in some of those guys too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you thinking about while you're doing it? Are you lost in the moment, or are you kinda like, man, this is sorta stupid at a certain point? And is it mostly vaginal, or is it a lot of anal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's probably a lot of people out there, though, who, like, how would you directly respond to people who think that your lifestyle's gross or just weird and people who think that wom- that, you know, women shouldn't be doing this kind of thing with your life? I'm sure you've had to have these conversations many times. What's your personal justification?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you have to accomplish in this world? It seems like you've kinda been pretty close to the top of the industry in a lot of senses, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people would say that you've kinda done all that you might be able to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you seem nice and you're making a purchase, then we might allow you to urinate, but we don't, we don't have that many staff because realistically it's like, we're going to have to have somebody sort of watch the door to the bathroom while you're doing that. Yeaah. It's kind of a security risk in general, so probably no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, toilet paper is definitely an important part of any bathroom, really. Anyway, so nothing all over that escalator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just felt like they could probably get in trouble for doing that. They didn't. No. No. They probably got lawyers that know better than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think that's so interesting that you can't even have a dog near it. Although it makes sense to me because honestly if I was watching porn and a dog walked in they would probably kind of ruin it for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never had the dog jump on top of you and start trying to bang you while you're banging someone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably, that's a slippery slope, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's like as much stuff as we've seen of Trump, if somebody were to be like, he fucked his stepdaughter, that would probably, that would, that would register. That would seem like a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But as a human being, you're kinda trained to wanna have that strong male figure, and I feel like that's kinda what people are getting at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I wasn't told I needed that. But you like need a guy to make a baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just saying there's more, it's kind of understandable why people would think, like the same people-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't think that had any kind of impact or uhm, how you ended up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think any of the factors growing up. I feel like having the super sexual mom and then having the no dad thing. Like these are obviously like everything that you have as a kid. Like I see my dad's temper in me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In me, you know, there's a little bit, a little tiny sparkle of caring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think that, I was just sort of throwing a little bit of devil's abdicating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you weren't in LA, if you were in fucking Kansas and you did that, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then my girlfriend told me that's the imp from Game of Thrones, so I was very offended.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if he's got a family or anything that might stop him from doing that. Or I wonder if the family would be cool about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm totally down. Become a Lannister? Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well I appreciate you. We're about to go hop in a fucking limo and go to Coach Ellis, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ones that I love is when I have the porn stars with my like crazy ass rapper friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just text you like a bunch of guys, like a choose your fighter type thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No driver, coolest podcast in the world. Check us out on YouTube, Soundcloud, iTunes, and we will be back very soon with more heat. Gang gang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marion, don't you understand? We'll create outbreaks anywhere we want to. We can control where it goes. And when we're done, we'll kill the kings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All this cure thing is bullshit. It's a goddamn myth, Marion. Bitch and her brother made it all up to taunt you. Don't throw our lives away on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For more on this and other frontline programs, visit our website at pbs.org.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Frontlines The Meth Epidemic is available on DVD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey gang and welcome to your very first progressive web app tutorial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay then my friends, so have you ever wanted to create a mobile app?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have, then you probably already know that mobile app development is a really daunting environment to navigate when you first start out. And it's going to pose all different kinds of questions like, what programming language should you use to create the app?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or how do you get your app working on all devices? Android devices and iOS devices? And then should you use a framework to create the app? And if so, which framework do you use? And then finally, once you've created the application, how then do you take it and publish it to the relevant app stores?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now all of these different questions are enough to put you off app development completely because sometimes it's really really hard to even know where to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be loads simpler if we could just create a mobile app with vanilla JavaScript that runs inside the browser, just like a normal website does, but which could also harness the power of native device features. So that when we run that web app on a mobile, it could do things that a native app could do as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like be installed onto the home screen of the mobile. Or maybe we could access that application when we're offline. Much like we can with a regular native app on a phone. Or even get push notifications from this app.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now we can. The web has moved on a massive, massive deal over the last few years since app development first boomed onto the scene and now modern browsers come with the power to do all of this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now we can just use regular HTML, CSS and vanilla JavaScript to create mobile apps that are going to run in a browser just like a website does but that also have access to mobile device features and they have this app-like feel about them. And these are what are known as progressive web apps. They're essentially web apps that run in a browser


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this knowledge of HTML, CSS and JavaScript for the web?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let's just for a minute now compare progressive web apps, PWAs, to native apps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now when we create a native application, these can be made with frameworks like react native, or we could use device specific SDKs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now native apps can be published to the app store and then downloaded from the app store if a user wants to use them. They can be installed onto the mobile home screen so that we can just open them with a click.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the app runs on the device itself with access to all the device features. It can be used offline with limited capabilities and it can also use app push notifications to send messages to the user.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, if we compare these two PWAs or progressive web apps, much of the functionality is the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, PWAs, instead of being made with device specific SDKs or frameworks, these can be made using vanilla JavaScript, HTML and CSS, just like we'd make a regular website with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can be accessed this time via web addresses and not the app store. And they can also be installed onto the mobile home screen with an icon so that we can just open them with a click.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now progressive web apps run in the browser, but they also have access to device features. They can also be used offline with the help of service workers and we can also use web push notifications to send messages


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] PWAs are still pretty new and they rely on new and emerging technology and that means that we just have to watch out for a few things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, there could be changes to the specifications and support is not yet completely widespread in all browsers. But hopefully as time goes on, those kinks are all going to be ironed out. Now for this course, I'd recommend using a good modern browser like Google Chrome, which does support a lot of features and that is what I'm going to be using.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CSS, JavaScript and also Firebase to serve as a backend and a database as well. And in the end, it's going to look something like this. It's called Food Ninja and we can add new recipes. We can also delete recipes as well as access other pages as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This course is not going to be covering absolutely everything that makes up a PWA because that would take about 150 videos or more and I've got other courses to create. But I will be showing you how to create this basic PWA that we'll be able to host online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can install it on our phone home screen. We're going to be able to use the app without an internet connection using service workers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're also going to be using offline data persistence with a Firestore database as well. So there's going to be loads to do. And in the future, I'll also do another separate playlist about Firebase messaging and push notifications.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is not a playlist for people who are complete beginners to JavaScript. I'd recommend that before you start, you have at least a decent grounding in it. You don't need to be a ninja in JavaScript, but you do need to understand things like asynchronous code and promises and probably also a little bit about Firebase Firestore as well. Now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want a good grounding in JavaScript first, then I do have a modern JavaScript from Novice to Ninja course on Udemy, which you can get for $9.99 using the link below, and that's going to teach you loads about JavaScript from beginner


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To ninja level, so then you'll be well prepped to take this course. It's also gonna include stuff about firebase as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, if you already have a good grounding in JavaScript and just want to learn about Firebase Firestore, then I do have a free playlist on this YouTube channel all about Firebase Firestore, which you can check out. And the link to that is going to be down below.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, I'm also going to be providing you with all of the course files for this playlist and you can find them on this repo right here on GitHub. PWA Tutorial, the link is going to be down below.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now each lesson is going to have its own branch in this repo. So if you want to see the code for lesson 15, for example, select lesson 15 from the branch dropdown, and you're going to be able to see all of this code right here. You could also clone or download the repo by clicking this button and downloading the zip right here. Okay. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is your introduction to PWAs. I really hope you enjoyed this series. And if you do, my friends, please don't forget to share, subscribe and like. And I'm going to see you in the very next lesson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You enter teaching because there's a certain warmth you feel for instructing young people and trying to help them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it's an idealism that drives a teacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that we won't have to despair of our retirement. That there will be some form of a safety net for us when we get too old to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They take a bunch out of my paycheck, uh, every two weeks, and so that's going into a little pile that's gonna accrue interest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figured this is on autopilot. I don't have to worry about the pension.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think teachers are beginning to realize that the whole system is under assault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is gonna happen to that generation of children? Will they be able to learn if they come into school because the social safety net, and it's very thin as it is, has been shredded?


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[Assistant] Policy that we'll recommend here gives us a 60% chance of actually achieving the assumed rate of return.


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[Assistant] A lot of them will openly admit they're not even sure what they're voting on.


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[Assistant] I really fear prison and death for her if she don't turn some things around.


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[Assistant] I got something to say. I could definitely go for some normalcy from you, Montana. And I didn't even realize it was an issue until Senator Steve Daines pointed it out. What is it? There is a flood of Mexican meth.


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[Assistant] Why is this still happening? I could ask you the same thing. Oh, the human torch is here too! Flame on, dude! What now, California? Did you know that more Haitians have been deported under Biden than all of 2020? Wait, what? I didn't expect you to care, Florida. More than 40% of the entire Haitian-American population lives here.


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[Assistant] Those are my people. I care about them. Did you see this tweet from the American Embassy? We don't have to... What is this? That's Creole. Can you... I can say it quite clearly.


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[Assistant] What? What? You can! Let him stay! Let him live! I just think you should stop because you said you would. And that's also a fair point I would have made had I known you said it. But I didn't, because I don't listen when you speak.


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[Assistant] Oh, really? I told Ted about Kathy. And look where he got me.


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[Assistant] I'm now the village idiot. I'm the town pariah to everyone except Ted Martin of all people. And that alone adds insult to injury.


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[Assistant] I want my daughter to stop treating me like she hates me. I want JR to stop treating me like the village idiot. The town fool.


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[Assistant] No. Let's leave Crystal out of this. Change the subject. In fact, change your whole celestial orbit. You, you, you promised me that if I gave you what you wanted, that you'd leave me alone.


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[Assistant] I think this is a very morally sound plan.


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[Assistant] Those types of systems, they have very good outcomes and results. Uhm, universities.


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[Assistant] I don't think many teachers have defined benefit pensions in universities.


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[Assistant] A wolf stuck in a chapel, chew off its own leg just to bite. Come on! The bone's powder, just flesh and uniform keeping me here! DO IT! CUT IT NOW!


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[Assistant] I don't give a fuck what you have to do. Just get it done. No one hates you but three days straight. Are you tuned in soon?


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[Assistant] I know, cause I was saying, like, I'm not used to being in this chair anymore, cause you, when I'm not here, when you're not here, I'm in there. It's, it's, but it's good to see ya, and congratulations, Jason Grandpa!


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[Assistant] That's fantastic. That's kind of like the Walter Payton Award of the USFL.


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[Assistant] By the way, I've got a good story for you in that vein. I feel like I gotta see some-


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[Assistant] So, this is a funny story you made me think. It's natural. I don't think I told this story on the air when I found out about this. I think I might have told a couple of you guys this off the air, but this is an amazing story.


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[Assistant] So, a good friend of mine calls me the other day, was telling me that his uncle


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[Assistant] Uh, was the beneficiary of the uncle's, like, sister-in-law something died, there was nobody left in the family, so the uncle was going through our stuff.


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[Assistant] And was able to keep whatever he wanted. He was her only heir. She had no kids.


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[Assistant] So he goes through this closet that had crazy sports memorabilia. Apparently, she was friends with some of the Brooklyn Dodgers back in the day.


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[Assistant] So, all this stuff is found. He finds a shoebox full of ticket stubs.


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[Assistant] So. Shot heard around the world ticket. Even better than that. Not the baseball. He had two ticket stubs from Jackie Robinson's first game in the majors. They're going on auction. Apparently they're going to sell for at least a half a million dollars. If not more. And he's got two of them. That's incredible.


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[Assistant] And they're in perfect, as much as a ticket can be in good shape.


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[Assistant] And that's just for that. Like, supposedly the box is filled with all kinds of tickets that might be worth, you know, less money.


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[Assistant] No, never. I don't even know, you know, who, I don't know the woman at all. So I don't, who knows if she even knew they had value.


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[Assistant] My goal is to play adult league softball next summer.


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[Assistant] That's all the stuff we know. You just went over all the public information. Right. What else don't we know? Like how much of a pain in the ass is this kid? Because to be that talented.


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[Assistant] That just four years ago, he was the number one, not the number one prospect in the state, the number one prospect in the country. And four years later, teams at the end of the first round, they're not even interested. It makes me think that this kid's got a long way to go. I'm also


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[Assistant] Frankly, to prove it otherwise, I don't trust the Cavs as an organization and I don't trust Bickerstaff as a coach to be able to


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[Assistant] Get the best out of this kid. If he were going to Miami, if he were going to San Antonio, I'd say yeah, probably it's gonna work.


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[Assistant] Second round picks are such a long shot to begin with. Obviously this kid is talented enough to be a first round pick, but, and I don't know enough about him, so we'll hope for the best. And it was worth it to do it, because what's the downside? It's a second round pick. I agree with that.


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[Assistant] Again, with the skills he has to last the 49, there's a reason. A lot of the team said,


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[Assistant] This guy is a loser or he can't be made. Now, hopefully the Cavs can, but again, there's no, we keep, we've said high risk because he's a knucklehead, it appears, but it isn't because you expect to get nothing out of your second round pitch normally.


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[Assistant] If that happened, they'd cut him, and the story's only a day, I think. I get it. From a basketball standpoint, there's no risk, because he's the 49th pick.


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[Assistant] Mike, who was the kid you mentioned that you knew in high school that you thought maybe the Cavs could draft in the second round yesterday? Jalen Wilson, and I don't believe he got drafted. He didn't get drafted. So like, the way you were describing that kid, like, and a lot of the players drafted in the second round are guys


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[Assistant] You know, there's probably like a 2% chance he becomes a really good player, but...


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[Assistant] Most guys you draft in the second round is probably less than that. I mean, we'll see, but.


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[Assistant] But if you, if you had to bet right now in five years, is he a good, is a serviceable NBA player or out of the league? I bet out of the league.


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[Assistant] If nothing else, it showed terrible judgment.


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[Assistant] You know, it's kinda what he's earning on his own to some degree. Go ahead, Mike.


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[Assistant] Are you really putting this effing question in there? This absurd question.


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[Assistant] And it can't just be the amount of weight is wrong, correct? Correct.


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[Assistant] What was Nick Chubb's rookie year? Is he 18? He's played 5 years, correct? He's played 5 years, correct.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he took over second half. They traded away Carlos Hyde, I think. They did trade him. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Oh, he'll be carrying a lot of the ball a lot in the fourth quarter this year if they have leads. You gotta have a lead to run the ball in the fourth quarter. They had a lot of leads.


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[Assistant] I mean, he's probably third in carries during that time. So I mean, how many more carries could he be? He should be first because he's doing something that no other running back has ever done. Use him. Do you want Aaron first?


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[Assistant] Again, we've argued about this a million times. Nick Chum gets plenty of carries. I think they've been smart with it overall. Of course there are examples in certain games where they could have given him the ball more. We'd all agree on that. But overall, he gets plenty of carries. He's not being underutilized. I don't see that at all.


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[Assistant] That's crazy. I wonder how many carries he got comparatively in the fourth quarter to other players. We don't know.


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[Assistant] I'm going with, uh, fact. No, uh, fiction.


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[Assistant] Nick Chubb that year. How about this that? Nick Chubb in the fourth, in the, in 2020.


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[Assistant] In the fourth quarter, with the game within seven points.


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[Assistant] Right. Now there were only eight examples of that for Nick Chubb. Really? The only eight games where he played. Oh, where he played.


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[Assistant] And the game was within four points, uh, within seven points in the fourth quarter. So in those eight games, he had 24 carries. So three carries per game in those situations.


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[Assistant] He averaged almost 13 yards per carry in those situations. Derek Henry in those same situations.


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[Assistant] Derek Henry, uh, within that same year,


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[Assistant] In the fourth quarter, with the game within seven, he had eleven examples and he averaged five yards per carry. So he averaged two more carries.


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[Assistant] Per game, with, in the fourth quarter close games.


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[Assistant] He averaged 3.2 yards per carry. So Nick Chubb averaged almost 10 yards more per carry in the fourth quarter in close game.


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[Assistant] Nick Chubbs is going to get plenty of carries. He'll be top five in carries again this year, even with the bigger influence in the passing game.


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[Assistant] He had four more carries last year in 17 games than he did in 2019-16 games.


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[Assistant] Nick Chubb in the last two years has averaged about 5.3 yards per carry.


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[Assistant] Derrick Henry. And Derrick Henry is 4.8? The last two years, Derrick Henry is averaging 4.3 yards per carry. Okay. And Nick, his numbers have gone down. The last two years. Is he older? He is older than Nick Chubb. Yes, it's been seven years in the league.


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[Assistant] Well, that's kinda how, how players are rated. I just, yea, I guess so to some degree. No, Joku isn't a bad tight end, but he isn't a great one either. And the fact is... So would you have been better if it was just overpaid instead of overrated? Yes. Yes.


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[Assistant] Tight end. I agree with that. And he's getting paid like an elite tight end. He is. Top five. And he's not.


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[Assistant] You know, his kiddle when he's healthy, obviously, and Mark Andrews. Those guys are in the second tier. I don't even think he's in the third tier because I think there are other guys that I'd much rather have over him.


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[Assistant] We've got guys that can do what you do. There's a lot of veteran tight ends that like bounce from team to team. Like we saw Mike Gasecki change teams. We saw, um, Hayden Hurst go to the Bengals. He was pretty good last year. Then he goes to it. Most of the tight ends are dependent on the quarterback. If there's only a few veterans.


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[Assistant] The Niners, Ravens and Chiefs always get, cause those guys are special. I don't think David DeJoke is special. I think he's good. I think he probably should be more productive than he is. But I don't, I never thought he was going to be in that class with those guys. Do you think that he's a product of his look?


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[Assistant] Well, you look at the numbers, Mike, can you put those numbers back up again? His season stats? The stats you just put up, yea.


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[Assistant] No, no, the other one. The other, the defensive. Oboe. Oboe. The other defensive end they just signed. McGuire.


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[Assistant] My bad, sorry. I said Zedaria Smith and I was like, no, they didn't say Zedaria Smith, but I was right. He's not going to get double teamed here.


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[Assistant] Is that Carlos, and by the way, I played with Carlos, I was mentioning before, I played with Carlos in a charity softball game at the Lake Erie Crushers field. I don't know if you remember, but he was so nice. He signed autographs for all the kids. I got an autograph from my son. I got an autograph from my friend's son.


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[Assistant] You couldn't have been nicer. You were the nicest guy there. I mean, all the guys were nice, but Carlos was above and beyond the nicest guy there. It was so incredible. He was so kind to everybody. It was so fun doing that.


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[Assistant] Uh, by the way, in that game, I don't know if you remember Travis Hafner was playing on the, I don't know, Travis Hafner, you and I were on the same team. Travis Hafner came up. I was playing first base for our team. Travis Hafner came up. I'm like, that's a major league hitter. I stood back on the outfield, but of course he hit it out to right field.


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[Assistant] In terms of the Guardians, I agree with a lot of what you say. I, I think they need at least one hitter though. I mean, you're getting, first of all, you played on teams that had power hitters in the eight and nine spots in the lineup. This team has no power. Did you know that in 2000, in 2001, Barry Bonds,


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[Assistant] At the same point this year, had about seven less home runs than the entire Guardians roster has this season. I, I, I don't think I've ever seen such a poor hitting power team. They need to go get a power bat. I know it's not easy, but they've gotta find a way to get somebody in the corners or DH whatever. They gotta get some more power.


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[Assistant] I'm curious, Carlos, you were a great hitter when you played, obviously.


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[Assistant] I am rooting for this guy to hit 400. I want it to happen so bad. He is like 60 points ahead anybody else. This kid's amazing.


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[Assistant] But who is a player played in the 90s?


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[Assistant] Uh, in the eighties, who had a hundred ribbies, but did not hit ten home runs.


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[Assistant] They need to move on from Miles Straw, move Kwon to center field, and go get a power hitting corner outfielder. Well, we could use more power. Yeaah, I mean, I can't, if, I could live with Straw as my center fielder if I got a great lineup. I can't when my lineup is not great and doesn't have any power. That's how I see it. Yeaah, you need some production.


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[Assistant] Real quick, Carlos, I gotta get your opinion, before you go, last thing.


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[Assistant] Have you heard the story about what's going on with Juan De Franco in Tampa Bay?


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[Assistant] By the way, Jay, I feel like I need to talk to you about the fact that, because I haven't talked to you in person since I went with the, you know, I took my little league team to that Friday night 14 inning game.


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[Assistant] That's the game of the year. I mean, these kids, the experience they got, and I brought the whole team in this week. They were all here. I heard that. I'm sorry I wasn't here. But the experience they got, those kids, they still talking about that game.


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[Assistant] They were starting chance that adults in the sections over were picking up and using.


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[Assistant] I think we left, we got to the ballpark, we met in front of the ballpark at, what was it, a 7 o'clock game, I think? I think it was. And I think we met there at 6.30 and we walked out of the park, I want to say 11.30. Wow. And not a single kid was like, oh my god. 14 innings of


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[Assistant] When the season started, I asked all my kids, do you watch baseball a lot? Raise your hand if you watch baseball a lot. Three kids raised their hand. I guarantee you because they tell me about it when they watch it now. I guarantee you it's like 8 out of 11 now.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that was pre-replay, unfortunately. Yes, it was. Otherwise it would have been overturned.


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[Assistant] I do think in the end the guardians are going to trade Carl, uh, Shane Bieber. You do? I think they're going to.


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[Assistant] I hear you Jay, but a couple of years ago, and I know he's not as good as Bauer, uh, not as good as Bieber, but he was really good at the time. When they traded Bauer, they had a much better record than they have now.


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[Assistant] Yes, and it's risky, but they're gonna have to win with those young arms anyway. They are, but you would.


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[Assistant] That gives you a chance to win a new series. I think in the end though, listen, I don't like it. I don't like the guardians don't spend enough money. I get pissed about it all the time.


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[Assistant] You can get, you can, you know, he wasn't pitching great. And he's been up and down this year. He's still good, but he hasn't pitched at an elite level.


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[Assistant] In the short run, yeaah, it could hurt them pitching wise. It might end up costing them in the playoffs. In the long run and maybe even in the short run, if you trade Bieber for a, a, a hitter and more, that can help the team. I just think they, I think,


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[Assistant] I believe enough in Gavin, uh, in Gavin Williams by me and Alan.


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[Assistant] That I think, even though it's risky, cause they're very young, and you, in theory, cause we don't even know if McKenzie's coming back, let's be honest. I'm not counting on it. We have no idea. I'm not counting on it. So if you trade Bieber, it might be Bybee, Williams, and Allen pitching the first three games of the playoffs, which is insane. But they're really talented.


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[Assistant] Sure. And they can look average. Sure, but to some degree Bieber's been that way too this year.


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[Assistant] It's so frustrating because if they had just a little bit of a higher payroll, you know, they kind of keep shopping in the bargain.


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[Assistant] So weird. His swing, he's awkward at the plate. He's awkward in the field. Uh, you know, I don't know, but they...


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[Assistant] This bat speed's terrible too. It's awful. The other night... They may have to, if they trade Bieber, they would be smart to say to another team, even if you get, like, say you're trading Bieber and you're gonna get a proven hitter and then two minor leaguers or whatever, in theory.


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[Assistant] Well, if it's a big money team, they might do it. Maybe. It's only one year that they'd have to eat it. It's a disaster. He doesn't look like a major league hitter. No, he doesn't.


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[Assistant] No, it's not good. Like at this point, all right, you got Ramirez and Naylor. Ramirez is what he is. Naylor's been great. I still love him against tough lefties, but he's been, he's been better. He's been excellent and he's improved against lefties, especially like I don't mind him playing against the sloppy lefties. I'm still keeping them out against the elite lefties.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you can't play. No, no, and that hurts you. I agree with either you said it or Bayerga said it. Jimenez is going to be fine. Is he the player he was last year? I don't think he's going to consistently be that good, but he's way better than he's playing right now.


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[Assistant] Yes, however, I wanna see the young guys play, cause Rosario's gone at the end of the year, he has been better. I want Naylor to get the rest of this year and all of next year. I do too. He's the catcher, don't mess around. I agree with that. But, in the outfield, I've gotta do something there. First of all, I gotta replace Bell, but I probably gonna have to wait a year.


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[Assistant] He can't hit. Brennan has shown signs of being... There's signs, but Kwon's got no power.


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[Assistant] I think you gotta make, like, your fourth outfielder, you move Kwon to center field, and go get a left fielder that can score.


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[Assistant] We thought all these guys that were like, oh, the only thing frustrating that I, I mentioned the Jake Bowers thing that I think Jake Bowers sucks. That's it. That's an anomaly, right? But Nolan Jones was a top prospect that he never really gave a chance to. I know I was stunned on how quickly they.


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[Assistant] Why was we waiting? In fairness, it is not that big a sample size. No. It's in Colorado, and they have no pressure because they stink, whatever.


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[Assistant] So maybe he wouldn't have done it here, but it's frustrating that they ended up having to give him away because they have this glut of prospects and they haven't made that. We've been talking about three years. When is that trade coming where they break up this glut to get a proven hitter?


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[Assistant] I gotta be one of those too, because the offense wasn't bad last year. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad.


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[Assistant] I guess it could be the offense too. I mean, the offense could be sensational this year. Isn't that a good thing? That's good. You can consider all three.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go defense in the end. But I think you could say any of the three. I was initially just going between defense and special teams, but I'm like, the offense could end up being great this year.


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[Assistant] They're all in on special teams. It's one third of the game. And they're, they're special teams coach. And I say this with love and he's a lunatic, like in a good way. Yeah. Like you need, like, I think your special teams guy got to be a little crazy because he was a special teams ace.


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[Assistant] I am not interested in eating that sauce. I like spicy, but I don't


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[Assistant] We would look to one of the licensed, uh, antimicrobial products, uh, in Canada to try and prevent and control diseases that might occur in the cattle population. Cattle are, in some ways, are a lot like people.


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[Assistant] They get sick from a lot of different diseases. Some of those are infectious diseases like, like the common cold.


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[Assistant] And, and others might be metabolic disturbances or digestive disease like when we have an upset stomach. For the animal health products that we use in Canada, they're, uhm, approved and regulated as to how we can use those by the Canadian Food Inspection Agency or the Veterinary Drugs Directorate Division of Health Canada.


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[Assistant] Included in that would be what we call a withdrawal period, which would be the minimum number of days between when that animal received that antibiotic and when it could actually be harvested and put into the food chain.


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[Assistant] They've done a great job of wearing that underdog, disrespected team all season long. They were 1-9 last year. I don't think anybody had Pittsburgh on their radar to be the North representative in our championship game, but they've done a fantastic job.


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[Assistant] Uh, they don't beat themselves. And that's one of the things that we saw during the course of the season. We had some of our teams find very creative ways to lose games. And that's one of the things


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[Assistant] That Pittsburgh hasn't done. It's one of the things that Birmingham hasn't done. So I think we're getting our two top teams kind of rolling into this in our championship game. Uh, and I always tell people, you know, they're like, well, you know, the North division, they didn't even have a winning record. You know, you should expand. So, you know, you get the top four teams and not do it divisionally.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the last three NFL teams to go to the playoffs with a losing record, two of those three won.


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[Assistant] So those guys are exactly what you said Boogie talked about. They are playing for their playoff lives.


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[Assistant] So they, they've got that sense of urgency, uh, they've been in playoff mode for a long time, uh, and they seem to kind of ride that wave and make pushes into the playoffs. So I, I'm really excited, you know, to see how this game pans out because I, I guarantee you, to your point,


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[Assistant] He's very good. He's grown up, he's matured quite a bit. I think that he and Skip have a great rapport. It's always dangerous when you're


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[Assistant] Play caller and your quarterback get on the same page. And they've kinda got that telepathic, I already know what you're thinking type thing. When you get into the third down scenarios, when you get into the red zone scenarios, they know what the play should be called. And they're kinda walking in locked steps.


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[Assistant] Uh, in a tough spot, you know, during the course of the year. But, but it is true. There's a lot of quarterbacks that if you make them beat you from the pocket, sometimes they struggle with that. I think that that's another area that Alex has actually matured and grown. We all see how dangerous he is when he gets to the outside. He and Jay Sternberger seem to have that.


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[Assistant] That's one of the areas that Alex is very dangerous, but I think he's played very, very well from the pocket this year. So, you know, Boogie may think that, you know, hey, we're going to make him beat us from the pocket. The one thing that Alex has brought to the table this year is the ability to beat you from the pocket.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're on great footing right now. Uhm, you know, coming out of year one, I thought we might go to a north division and a south division.


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[Assistant] And have four teams in each hub and for our, our league to have the confidence to expand to four hubs.


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[Assistant] And put two teams in each one, which, which is much more than I thought we would do. It adds so many logistical challenges that really kind of separates your workforce. Uh, our USF, uh, USFL family, you know, is now in multiple hubs instead of all together like we were in year one. So that presented some challenges there.


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[Assistant] We added 120 plus years of coaching experience with our four new hires this year. When you talk about Mike Nolan, Ray Horton, Curtis Johnson and John D. Filippo from, from high school college into the professional level over 120 years. And there's five Super Bowls mixed in there with those guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think there's a lot of fans that are looking at it and thinking the same thing that you are, that, you know, we can't have a mistake cost the team an opportunity to play for a championship.


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[Assistant] Uhm, we had that same situation last year in New Jersey and Philadelphia. There was a, a roughing the quarterback call and, and it did look like it in real time, but then when you looked at it in slow motion, it was not. And there was an interception thrown on that play, uh, that went all the way down inside the red zone, the other direction. And if that play would have stood,


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[Assistant] Then New Jersey is on their way in to kind of seal that game and, and become the North division champion. They overturn it, uh, in review and Philadelphia goes on to win that game and, and represent the North in the championship game. And then we had another similar one Saturday night. I think when the stakes are high.


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[Assistant] And you're talking about the opportunity to compete for a championship and you have the ability to step in and correct the call. I don't know how you don't look at that as the NFL and say we've got to find a way to make that work in our league because there's just too much at stake and we can't have the excuse of, well, you got to play that game and human error is a part of it when we can fix human error.


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[Assistant] That prohibits a team from rightfully going to play for a championship. We should, we should take advantage of that opportunity.


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[Assistant] You look at what, what our crowd was like Sunday night, uhm, and, and then what you had.


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[Assistant] You know, we have New Jersey and Pittsburgh in Canton. And listen, I'm from Western New York. I know the rivalry that exists between Western New York, Western Pennsylvania, and Eastern Ohio, right? We, you know, it's Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, they just battle and, and it's, it's hard for, you know, the people of Ohio to, to cheer for a team from, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Um, so, you know, our goal is to get every single one of our teams into that home market, have that home field advantage, really engage our fan bases.


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[Assistant] Transition in a sustainable way to keep our league up and running, uh, at a pace that guarantees us the opportunity to get these A teams into their home markets. As we go through that process, you know, we know that the fan bases in some of these hubs are like, well, it's hard for me to cheer for Pittsburgh because I know they're not going to be here all the time or it's hard for me to cheer in Philadelphia.


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[Assistant] When you're up at forward field because I know they're probably going to be leaving soon. So it's really hard for the people there to commit themselves as a fan base. So the goal has always been to get all of our teams into their home market.


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[Assistant] Er wusste, was für Leute da drin parkieren. Dass das Menschen mit Migrationshintergrund.


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[Assistant] And then he comes in and points at two people. Nessar Hashemi and my son. My son once shot in the arm and once in the head. From here.


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[Assistant] You know, first come the thoughts, then the words, and after the words come the deeds.


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[Assistant] Wenn Blut geflossen ist, dann ist es zu spät. Und hier ist Blut geflossen. Viel Blut.


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[Assistant] We've got enough clout right now for one major bill, not both. What do you want me to push forward?


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[Assistant] Do you want to be the president who cured cancer or the president who solved world hunger?


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[Assistant] Same thing. Not really. A robot is an atomic. Whereas power- Don't worry about this, Keith.


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[Assistant] Keith? Have you been watching the whole time? Yeah. And I'm just throwing this out there. I think there's only a passing similarity between me and Julius.


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[Assistant] Ladies and gentlemen of America, the threat is right in front of us. An alien presence has taken over your friends and family.


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[Assistant] No one calls Roddy Vale. He shows up where he's needed most. Let's go.


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[Assistant] Hey, sometimes your exes try to kill you. What can you do, you know? You want to party?


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[Assistant] Make sense. So what happens to me? What do you mean?


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[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no. I wanna hear what I have to say to myself. What did you mean, what happens to me? Well, evidently I become a total frigid bitch, so I just wanted to know what's up.


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[Assistant] You used to have fun. I used to be useless.


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[Assistant] A whopping 18 million times. Many thought that could never be topped. But that was before World Record Egg. An account with that very name posted this single photo. It's a picture of an egg.


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[Assistant] The caption reads, Let's set a world record together and get the most liked post on Instagram. While social media users accepted that challenge, the egg not only beat Jenner's record of 18 million, it crushed it. The egg currently has 26 million likes and counting


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[Assistant] Hey, we gotta go! There's too many of them! There's a helicopter on a nearby roof! We can use it to-


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[Assistant] What happened? MI6 fucked us. I knew it!


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[Assistant] It's underground.


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[Assistant] I've got it! CIDAF encryption keys, 40 days until expiration.


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[Assistant] American! The Iranis didn't send you. What does Iran want with you? Perhaps we should address our more immediate problem?


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[Assistant] My money's on Cud's Force. If you can arrange my safe exit, I promise I can reward you. Every man has his price.


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[Assistant] Regrettably, even if I knew this man, I couldn't tell you. My business depends on this rule.


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[Assistant] Everyone clear? Let's make this prep quick.


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[Assistant] I'll have Charlie do something about that. How are you?


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[Assistant] I don't like their chances. Love you, kiddo.


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[Assistant] Located the panic room, but the door looks like it's eight inches of steel.


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[Assistant] It sounds like you've been chatting with the president. Next time you two talk, be sure to mention this. Charlie?


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[Assistant] Come on. You couldn't have been expecting a thank you.


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[Assistant] It's just a simple task to most people, but to me this is something, it's like a, a challenge that you have to get through.


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[Assistant] I believe fully if I hadn't really got up and started moving around because I was so sick, I would have sat in my chair and died.


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[Assistant] I started getting shortness of breath around 2007, 2006. I could tell a difference in just the things that I was doing around here.


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[Assistant] And in 2012, I believe it was, they'd done a CT scan and they'd seen all the spots on my lungs.