[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I didn't give myself enough preparation time that last time it was only like a three week time before I could get in there and I hadn't done anything for two and a half, three years. So the knees really got like a clear moment on them and just, they were like, nah, dog, this ain't it. They probably knew by the way, what was going to happen in Chicago this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because you can't, the way you collect piss is by going to the person's house, going into their house, going into a bathroom with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watching them pee out of their baby maker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sealing that up, shaking hands with each other, saying goodbye to the family, walking out of the house, put that on repeat. That is literally what their job is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I respect those people, by the way. I've ran into a lot of them. I got tested eight times a month for 27 months, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that is something that I assume they're not allowing. You can't just let randoms in your house, especially to stare at your penis. I mean, that can't be happening in times like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be intrigued to see how many guys come back after this thing in much better shape. You're looking at guys that used to be six foot two, head got so big now they're six four. It's like, what the hell happened to you? What were you doing for the COVID-19 pal? Look at your quarantine gains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have we heard of anybody failing for HGH in the NFL testing since they started testing it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because I think they say that they test for it just to say that they test for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't really know what it was until the NFL and the NFLPA made this big deal that they were testing for it. Now you're going to have to give blood and they're trying to figure out how to test for it. I didn't really know what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you hear the way it's talked about in locker rooms, it is hysterical. You hear people like, oh, that guy's on that HGH. You can recover from an ACL in three days with HGH. Like the way people talk about it, it was like this glorious thing. I'm like, when I retire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what, I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do, but I'm gonna get me some fucking HGH from what I've heard about this stuff. They, they talk, it was being talked about as if it was a literal fountain of youth coming out of the earth. It was like, if you get a sip of this stuff,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your skin's gonna get, everything's just gonna get better. And I'm like, all right, as soon as I retire, I am getting on that Amiya. And then when I retired at 29, turns out very hard to find. It's not easy to get is what I was told.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause I think for a little bit they were lumping them together as a brand. Is that they were testing for both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, I think, I don't know. It was a major conversation piece in the locker room though. I remember it being because you could see some people who hindsight might have potentially been on it explaining why they can't test for it. And I was like, oh, that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's an awfully descriptive fucking reason he got down, pal. I mean, that's an interesting thing. But, uh, as it turns out, I guess it's not that easy to find, but if you're Alex Rodriguez and his boys from Screwball, I mean, that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that guy hated Manny Ramirez. I mean, he absolutely, was that him Manny he hated, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that needed in this documentary? Like, do you need to just bury Manny Ramirez out of nowhere, pal? I don't think that was deserved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the children is a big fan of this show, so. Huge fan. He's probably watching right now, you know, one of those actors is watching right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't love the concept, but I think the kids put in the position did a good job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mind the drunk history idea or the, you know what I mean? Like I don't mind the reenactment stuff. I think I've been so, cause documentaries do it now all the time. I mean, I watch so many reenactments I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. The Kids was, it was a good movie. I mean, we talked about it literally the next day after watching it. It was like, The Kids was an aggressive, I think it was a good tactic. Billy Corbin also, Cocaine Cowboys, great documentary. I mean, I'm, I, I. The You. The You. I think the guy does good work. It was an aggressive decision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bingo. Me too. By the way, I think that was my first documentary where I realized that the world was a very wild place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a meeting. Did you hear about that? Bill Gates. I know they had dinner, right? Bill Gates, the owner of the lightning, uh, Derek Jeter and Tom Brady were meeting and that happened on Sunday night or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Bill Gates, I guess, is looking to build real estate down there in Tampa. I would assume if Tom's at that meeting, he and Derek Jeter also involved with that. So not only is Tom going through a new city to revive, hopefully, its football legacy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now they're also potentially building TomTown in the middle of Tampa. And, uh, I like that move. That's a good business move for Tom Brady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Zapata's over there in France, they've been shut down by every government agency, even though they go across the bay and everything like that. They're, they're not letting it for public consumption yet or commercial use, but I'm going to buy the first one. I'm going to land on this building every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very valid, but we're talking about space age, futuristic stuff that I would want to learn about. Anyways, I would want to know about my new vehicle. That's better than everybody else's. I would listen. I would dive head first. If Elon Musk was up there teaching me with his little alien brain about how I don't die or kill kill other people and I get to work with zero traffic in like a minute and a half. I mean, I'm the right guy to pick. But with that being said, Elon Musk is also an alien. Oh, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know how it works. It depends what kind of alien he is really. Yeah, I don't fully understand how. By the way, I also think there's like a white trash planet out there with dumb aliens that can't make it to us and we can't make it to them. I don't think every other alien out there is smarter than us. I think there are other planets that are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dumb aliens too. They just can't get to us. You know what I mean? Cause they're stupid. So I do think that happens, but Elon comes from a smart one and I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He brings their technology to our planet, makes a billion dollars off of it, gives it away, then he hops in his own SpaceX, goes back to his planet, comes back with a new idea, makes a billion dollars, gives it away, hops back in his little spaceship, and then put that on repeat for the next, what, 200, 300 years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in Los Angeles, California, walking on Santa Monica's, uh, pier there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw people tripping out on a lot of drugs. I was watching a lot of things and up in the sky was a UFO. It was, it was a clear as day UFO. I went live on Twitter. I went live on Twitter. That's how sold I was that it was a UFO. I never go on my periscope live all by myself. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody's gonna capture this fucking UFO, it's gonna be me. So I go live, and it's this big,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The colors were massive, and then it just, it left this, and I'm like, this is a UFO, and everybody's like, nah, dude, that's SpaceX, that's a SpaceX, uh, launch. And I'm like, what's SpaceX? They're like, oh, that's Elon Musk's rocket ship. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it not, has it not been painted any clearer than this? Elon Musk built his own rocket ship to take his ass back to his own planet and come back and everybody's like, yeah, that's just our guy Elon. Like, yeah, that's just fucking Elon taking off into the universe. It's insane. The guy's an alien.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell you what, my aliens don't smoke that terrible, disgusting, despicable devil lettuce. Devil's dandruff is a different drug that is bad, but the devil's lettuce. I am disgusted that he did that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no. If, if I'm like Joe one day, that'll be awesome. You know he has five Navy SEALs that just flank him at all times? Elon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, big shout out to Brendan. Big shout out to Brendan and Bert for the love. That was way too nice of them. I appreciate them immensely. That was very, very nice of them. I'm thankful for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so this does make sense that you just said what you just said because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Burt Kreischer was wondering if you hate him or not because I guess, I guess you question one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, uh, somebody how they could be possibly friends with Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreischer thinks that you hate him. I wanna let you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I literally, as soon as I get home, I've been passing out these last couple days because I'm speaking into a microphone too much. It's way too much me. But this weekend, I can't wait to spend some time with old Bert Kreischer in Hey Big Boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you come around to the thought that Elon is an alien by the way? Are you in on it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's in there. That's what I think's happening. I see him sometimes whenever he's talking, I actually see a little guy inside like blank blank blank blank blank blank blank. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, shout out to my person, or alien that's controlling me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate what they've done. They put me through some hell like that Reaper pepper yesterday and the arrest and everything like that, but I appreciate what they've done for me so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree, I agree, that's what life's all about. Have you ever been in solitary confinement?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With you and your thoughts? No. In a broken toilet smells like shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst times are coming out of that inebriation and realizing you're in solitary confinement. You know, that's, that's really the times they get you and then they throw in a sandwich and you ask what it is and they say it's supposed to be baloney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How is something supposed to be a fake meat? I don't know how that happened. So I asked that question. They tell me not to eat it. And then he threw in a couple of vanilla wafers and I was like, thanks for that. I'm going to eat the desserts here to get me through the day. And if I am in here long enough, then I'll eat that fake bologna stuff. But I'm going to kind of just sit with my thoughts in this shit smelling, uh, solitary confinement cell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rapapour from NFL Network Insider says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. All right. Thank you, Diggs. That's a massive piece of information right there. When did that just pop up out of nowhere? Are they just trying to fill time out there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but what are they doing? Are they like just bouncing around and rap porters kicking around ideas or like breaking news type thing? How was that thing delivered right there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the leaked information, right, was that Tampa Bay was willing to give roster control.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would fall into that situation, right? I mean, who knows what roster control means? And who knows what one player's opinion could've mean for a lot of people? Because that player could just be on the same page as other people that are thinking the same thing whenever it comes to cutting people. But I think this would be a situation where roster control would be the thought, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, the reason why they even mentioned it is because if Tom Brady wants a guy, let's assume he's gonna have the ability to get him, but Bruce Arians, I mean, he's the guy who is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would assume hand in hand with Tom Brady in this situation. If he doesn't want him back, that's going to have to be a conversation they're going to have to have and handle. But everybody on earth knows that if Antonio Brown is acting in a fashion that he was acting before this colossal collapse happened over the last year and a half or year or so, Antonio Brown on that offense with Mike Evans,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Godwin, Tom Brady, and that offensive guru coaching staff, they're going to be unstoppable. And that sounds outrageous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's not because Mike Evans can go and get it. Godwin's got speed and Antonio Brown can run every single route. I mean, it's just, they become immediately better and by not just a little bit, a lot better if Antonio Brown's on a team, but this is going to be a power struggle situation early. If, if Tom wants them and Bruce doesn't, how do they handle this first


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little skirmish in this two-year relationship with two football icons at this point. Bruce Arians and Tom Brady. This is gonna be fun to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, cause they're saying it's a physical cause he can't travel. And then Jeff Darlington said, oh, he can get, uh, the physical in New York and the doctors trust each other. And then when they originally announced it, it said, barring any unforeseen circumstances, this deal is all but done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if an unforeseen circumstance is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers that was released and leaked that they would give Tom Brady roster control are actually saying, no, you can't except Antonio Brown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if that is happening right now? The whole world thinks this deal is completely done. And then behind the scenes, there's like this real conversation happening about like, what if in a day or two Tom Brady's like, uh, it turns out I'm not going to the Buccaneers. Shout out to the Chargers. We're back in this thing. Antonio Brown's coming with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, this is a crazy, crazy thing to potentially evolve into something that could be big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A sixteen and a half million dollar pay cut for the next two years. Because you couldn't have Antonio Brown on your team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nick Moralto said this too. He said, Antonio Brown is not the third option on any field that he's on. I just, I don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they will. Do you remember what happened when Antonio Brown got on the field for the Dol- er, for the Patriots against the Dolphins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He scored. Hit three catches in the first three plays. Yeah, he threw him the ball every single time. It's cause Antonio Brown is always open. That's what Antonio Brown, he's always open. That's why through all of it, he still was getting job opportunities with the New England Patriots because you can be who you can afford to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Antonio Brown is so good at football. It's just, that's why this last year and a half has been so sad to watch because it's like, yo, this is one of our greats here. If he can get it back together though and gets on a Tampa Bay team, I mean, it's going to be insane. Will he play somewhere without Tom Brady? That's the next question. If he continues on this, like, sorry, a sorrow tour or whatever, does he end up on a team?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is already has a good culture and they're a good team and they're like, we think he can come in and blend in and be good on our team. What if he ends up on the Chiefs or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And imagine having Antonio Brown, Tyree Kill, Nicole Hardman, Kelsey, Travis Kelsey, Damian Williams. Oh my God. My home is a throw for 8,000 yards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Best path in the NFL for the next couple years is going to be attaching themselves to Tom Brady. There's a lot of people, I guess, reporting interest in going to sign with the Buccaneers right now for less money than other places just so they can potentially latch on and win that thing. That's where we started this whole show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if they're going to sign me at safety, I'll play safety too, but get you on that TB12. You just want to do field goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, I don't want to do anything, by the way, right? I do not want to do anything. I am very content with the way I'm at, happy with how the things worked out. But if I was to ever go back to the NFL, it would be to kick field goals, because nobody's really ever been able to do both successfully for the long haul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'd say never. I mean, unless this comes, the good thing about me retiring at 29 and still having an absolute cannon attached to my hip is if this all comes crashing down, my leg strength is still probably, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Top third of the NFL for the next couple years if I had to. Thank you.


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[Assistant] It would take me a couple of months. I would have to- cause last time I tried to rush back and my knee just was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, yeah. Especially after last year, everybody stunk last year, it felt like kicking once. If I just hop out of this studio...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the new kickoff return is basically a Pat McVie roll. Should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that's the kickoff team. The kickoff return team though, they have like basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nine guys within 20 yards of the kickoff line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whatever our, my last year with the Colts, last couple years with the Colts, cause we kicked so many surprise onside kicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We faced the hands team of other teams the entire game, right? So everybody had like eight people up, nine people up, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So eliminated their return immediately if I kicked it in the end zone. It was an automatic touchback because they couldn't set up a block, but they wouldn't give up a surprise onside kick. It is alleged that they studied our film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're trying to get rid of the on-site kick now. People are pitching. I think kickers aren't working hard enough on getting good at on-site kicks. There's been a lot of trash on-site kicks that don't get recovered. And they're like, oh, you can't recover because of the way the rules are. It's like, I don't know, we recovered three of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think because it hurts. It's not easy to work on. Like you gotta like pop your, you like coming down on a ball if you want to kick a good one. So it hurts your groin. It hurts your toe. It's not fun to work on, but I sucked at him and then I worked very hard on him and it hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I got good at them and then we used it as a weapon, but it's not a fun thing to work on. Like it's, like pool you're growing basically every time you're doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Young Hoku down there in Atlanta, he recovered a bunch, he was good at him. Like there's people that are good at him, but because there's the overwhelming amount of bad guys who just roll it on the ground like some trash, like that's not gonna work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, well, this is boring. Got to get out. Now they're going to do a fourth and 15 or something like that. That's being pitched for an onsite kick is a fourth and 15. What if the chiefs just do that every single they score fourth and 15 score for an entire half. They just decide to do that to somebody that would be electric television.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's weird ceremoniously. Like how do you start a game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. Like, as little as that sounds and how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, petty, that might sound. I think that is a real thing with football. Optically, that would be weird. Like, I think when they moved it back to 33 yard extra point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I think optically that was weird for a bit. I still think it is. I don't know why they don't put a spot back there. Like I think, I don't know, I just think there's some ceremonious stuff that would be weird if there wasn't a kickoff. But it feels like they've been trying to trend in that direction. I think the new rules and stuff have made it a little bit better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That XFL kickoff rule was getting high, high remarks on the internet. So I assume that's going to get intro'd potentially in a preseason game or two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Josh Gordon put out a tweet, I guess, that said he would look good in, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comes back. He wants to stay in Seattle via his Twitter. I like those bright green unis is what Josh Gordon said flash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who everybody thinks was suspended and repeatedly suspended because of a marijuana fail, which is now becoming something of the past.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he still got it and it was only marijuana that he failed for, people are saying it was more than marijuana. I don't see how they keep him out of the league, especially with Ann Martavis Bryant. I think there's a couple people that marijuana kind of got the best of them. If they still got game left, are they going to get back into the sport, you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was in a program for 27 months, but I never knew what they were testing for. Like every time they said street drug test, I was like, oh, that's marijuana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they never just said it was the marijuana test. What other drugs? Because cocaine counts as a performance enhancer, right? I think it counts as a performance enhancer. Does it? Well, just like Adderall. Adderall is a performance enhancer because it's, it's, uh, what is that called? A, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a focus? No, there's a word for that. It's a speed, uh. Amphetamine? Amphetamine, there it is. It's an amphetamine. So I think that's considered a performance enhancing drug. So I never really understood what the street drug was other than marijuana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that feeds into the fact that I think I might be one of the most mentally tough humans of all time. I had to run the spice there for a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say it because I assume there's some party animals out there, but I was going very hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a lot of money going very hard, with a lot of people. And then all of a sudden it had to stop completely because I didn't want to fail a test. Because I thought if I failed a test...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I would be in the program for two years and I was like, I'm not doing that, right? I'm not doing that. So I stopped everything completely and I went completely sober for like two months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, the spice was the thing that carried me through the first like two weeks of the sobriety. One of the guys on my team was like, they got you. I was like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got you, man. Come down to the store, he gave me this spice and he was like, I don't test for this, it's just like weed. I was like, no it is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this a killing headache I have right now? What is going on here? And then I had to back away and then I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, hunkered down in the house for like two years. Just did nothing. It was a wild time. Tweet. That's all I did was tweet for two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite thing about bath salts is even the most terrible people on earth decided like, this isn't good for us, right? Like everybody was like, even the drug dealers were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, gotta take the bath salts off the market. We got people eating cops, we got people eating bullets, and then there was a bust like three months later right here in Muncie, Indiana where they found all of the bath salts basically, like right up the road. They found basically all of the bath salts left in America right up in Muncie. I was like, shout out to Muncie, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I gotta go get ready for the Office Olympics. Zito's playing Mario Kart. You think he's gonna win a circuit? That's four strokes. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Will you, will you potentially give him a little piece of information that you have like kind of picked up throughout your years of being a professional athlete to kind of guide him during this time when people are going to be watching him perform and make sure he stays at a high level?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that isn't the Vietnam government creating an app to get all these kids, uh. Controlling your data. Yeaah. They don't do that, do they? That's what TikTok is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not just us, by the way. There's a lot of people that ban their employees from getting on TikTok. It wasn't us that started this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Security risk. Deep state, dude. Deep things. Oh my god, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're saying it's not good, I just wanna let you know. Whenever other people that are smarter saying it, I just say, you know what, I'm gonna parrot that one, I'm on that side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very optimistic way to look at that. I respect it. I need a lot of money over


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The NBA found that out the earlier this year whenever they stopped the brawn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go back downstairs and say Roll Birds and say that they give degrees to illiterate kids and that's good for society.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I texted you while you were on the boat. I was like, is Urban Meyer on that boat? I would like to hear. And then obviously you must not have had service. I didn't get a response. But like the, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he acted like he was still coaching in the games when he wasn't, but like, I think he is very, very good coach. I think he is. I respect it. The, the act, the semantics on the sideline, little bit too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, not that. I'm not talking about that. I think he did potentially get sick, but I'm talking about at games that he was covering as a TV person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, with the whistle on the sideline during the game, I found that interesting, but it's probably hard for him to, you know, separate from that. Cause those are his guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much. I mean pretty much. I mean it was, he was, he was in the games. And by the way, if I recruited all of them and those were my guys, it would be hard to turn it off. But I mean, they showed it like 45 times a game. It was like, all right, all right, come on, we get it. Urban Meyer was their coach for a long time, had a lot of success. Now he's on TV. We get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't. I had to answer. I had to. There's no way I couldn't answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even worse! Even worse! You know, it was like a... Yeah, it was a subtweet. It was a subtweet. And it was like, what do you want me to do? Like, I liked you, Urban. Do you think he was that calculated? There's no way. No, he didn't. And by the way, the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things get tweeted to me very quickly. I find out about stuff rather quickly, and if I didn't respond, I would've been viewed as a little punk ass bitch. And I couldn't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right. I was wrong. Thank you for that shout out urban. I appreciate you.


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[Assistant] But by the way, if I have a telestrator, I can do the same thing. But I don't get a telestrator, I get the boats to jump off of. Just want to let everybody know that.


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[Assistant] Alright, we're outta here. Uh, can we roll that open one more again?


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[Assistant] Great show AJ, I appreciate you man. We won an hour and 45 minutes there.


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[Assistant] My wife can score more than two buckets on eleven shots because I know my wife will at least shot fake one time. But those guys aren't listening. They're uncoachable right now.


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[Assistant] I forgot about it. I saw everybody going live last night though. Just like I said yesterday, everybody's going live on IG live at night with all their friends. Their IG live in together for incredible documentation. I saw Tori Lanes, Tony Lanes. Who's the story? Tori Lanes is on with DMX last night.


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[Assistant] Uh, welcome to McPhee and Hawk, I am Pat McPhee, that's AJ Hawk, what's up dude?


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[Assistant] By the way, we have had guests on this show before. First ever guest, Bert Kreischer.


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[Assistant] And his hatred for Bert Kreischer live on this show.


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[Assistant] We broke news on this show. We've had Nick Mangold on this show. And today, Friday, March 27th, this show might have the best guest lineup of any show that is being filmed or recorded on Friday, March 27th, I think. Would you say that?


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[Assistant] To be honest, I'm not 100% sure if either of them are going to call in for sure, but we have two, we have two guests potentially, you know, on the hook right now, just whether or not they're going to bust away or just kind of open her mouth, swim backwards, loosen it up and just get out. We don't know. But at two o'clock,


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[Assistant] Eastern Standard Time, 1 o'clock Central Standard Time.


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[Assistant] There's a guy that's trending currently on the internet that's going to be joining us. Another Ohio State legend. Voice and face of college football. Good friend of A.J. Hawk, Mr.


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[Assistant] Good guy, by the way. Herb Kerbstreet was the reason why I got on College Game Day this year. Everybody knows that. He's the one who, uh, you know, I think was pushing behind the scenes to get me on there whenever the Vinatieri thing didn't work out with South Dakota State.


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[Assistant] Uh, Kirk Herbstreet's been on my daily show on a regular basis. Been on my podcast before. Uh, we worked together in the octagon out there at college game day. And this guy is the face and voice of college football at this moment. This morning.


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[Assistant] He said he'd be surprised if the leagues went on. Both college football and the NFL. With the way, I'll be shocked if we have NFL football this fall. If we have college football, I'll be so surprised if that happens. Just because from what I understand, people that I listen to.


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[Assistant] You're 12 to 18 months away from a vaccine. I don't know how you let these guys go into locker rooms and let stadiums be filled up and how can you play ball? I just don't know how you can do it with the optics of it. Next thing you know, you got a locker room full of guys that are sick and that's on your watch. I wouldn't want to have that. As much as I hate to say it, I think we're scratching the surface of where this thing's gonna go.


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[Assistant] You don't all of a sudden come up with something in July or August and say, okay, we're good to go and turn them loose. Such a very valid point there by our friend Herbie on this Feel Good Friday, March 27th.


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[Assistant] You don't think the NCAA is going to make their own decision and the NFL owners will be like, okay, that's what they're doing.


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[Assistant] Could you imagine if you were in college right now, I talked to PJ Fleck about this yesterday. Could you imagine if you're in college right now and they sent you home an e-learning thing, this is what you gotta do for your classes, okay, at home, online, and then if you're


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[Assistant] On the football team, here's a workout pamphlet to take home. Make sure you're doing these workouts so you're back. The off season in college football is more important than anything that you can imagine.


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[Assistant] Boys are becoming men. The workouts are insane. You're puking in workouts. Some of the best athletes you've ever seen, most in shape people, are pushing themselves to the brink of damn near death, if not so, and puking all over the place. There's no way you can recreate that at home. There's no way. Even the most self-motivated people.


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[Assistant] Even the people that like to work out alone and stuff like that. I'm not 100% sure if when I was in college, if I was told to go home and they sent me a pamphlet that I would have been anywhere near as active and as, you know,


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[Assistant] Discipline with that workout regimen as I would have to be if I'm on campus. That's what I think I'm most interested in and intrigued about.


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[Assistant] Is the off-season workout plan that's just getting taken away? The summer workouts, which are massive, which are getting taken away? I mean, this is a massive development time for a lot of those players, and it's not gonna happen. I don't know how you just roll back into this. Much like what Kirk was saying, I don't know how you just roll back into this. I don't know how the world is gonna operate after this all happens.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, we have our guest. Oh good. He said call good. It's not Kirk Herbstreet. It's not Kirk Herbstreet who's calling in 38 minutes because he was trending because he was saying that there's a chance football is not going to happen this year. This morning. It's actually


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[Assistant] A guy who's a living legend, an absolute eye in the sky of this studio, one of the best mustachioed men ever, one of the most talented football players ever and also


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[Assistant] A golfing champion. Ladies and gentlemen, best friend of Aaron Hawks.


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[Assistant] A guy that I got to play golf with, best friend of mine, Mr. Aaron Rodgers.


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[Assistant] Hey, it's great to have you here. Uh, Mr. Hawk is here as well. The boys were celebrating. We did not expect a call from a goat on this particular Friday, March 27th.


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[Assistant] No, no, no. That was natural reaction. You should have seen the room. Oh, that was just the boys? Yeah, that was the boys. We're only allowed 10 people. We have nine here and all the boys were losing their mind there, Mr. Rogers. I mean, we're big fans, obviously.


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[Assistant] I don't know, but he did say, have you seen, and I thought it was going to be the movie. And I was excited.


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[Assistant] Are you in that massive house you just bought that they put on the internet and said Aaron Rodgers just bought this massive house? Is that where you're at right now?


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[Assistant] Well, he facetimes when he walks around the villa and I just see his ceiling might be 50 feet high. AJ's house.


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[Assistant] What are you? Are you locked down over there? I've heard California is pretty insane at the time. I think the video is coming out of California on the internet. The Costco line going like three miles long and


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[Assistant] The lockdown I think out there has been pretty crazy. And if I'm not mistaken, that's where your massive price tagged house, uh, that everybody found out that you bought is, right? Is it, have you just been locked down over there?


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[Assistant] So, uh, I think everybody's planning on eating frozen pizzas and stuff. I think the food that is going to be consumed is going to be a lot of stuff that people probably think they're going to be shitting at in a massive, exorbitant amount. And they're not allowed to go out of their house, so they think they've got to stock up on a TP. And what's happened in turn was,


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[Assistant] Most people have nothing to wipe their ass with after that first batch because everywhere seems to be emptier.


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[Assistant] Bubbly is, now Bubbly I don't know if you count as frozen because you kinda gotta make it yourself. Bubbly I think is the standard. Then DiGiorno obviously is my number two behind that. And I had Jacks the other day and uh, Zito and I both had to eat an entire


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[Assistant] I think, uh, I think DiGiorno and Bobli is really my top two. I'm not even sure I have a third.


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[Assistant] The one that a lot of people have been tweeting us that we should have had instead of Jack. So I think I'm missing out with Tombstone, it sounds like.


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[Assistant] I'm a pizza pie guy. I mean, every once in a while, you know, the new pop a deer or whatever the hell it is. The, uh, we call those when you fold the pizza in half, uh, what is it? A calzone. I'm a calzone guy as well though. Don't love the hot pockets. I think those are a little bit too small, but a bigger hot pocket, a calzone. I'm all the way in on.


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[Assistant] I've never been able to do it. It sounds awesome. You know, everybody says nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.


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[Assistant] And I, you're, you're a testament of what you just said there. But boy, my lack of discipline and will with my taste buds is just not good enough to ever experience it. And I'm afraid, cause I'm getting fat, Aaron. I'm getting fat. It's gonna happen.


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[Assistant] Get stabbed by things, you know, showcase how lack of an alpha I am without being able to start a fire out there. I mean, I've seen the show. I do not bring a lot of attributes to that place.


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[Assistant] But, I would battle till the end if we're gonna get a prize at there, but is that the stuff you're watching right now? Did you watch Tiger King? Did you watch Tiger King, Aaron? Did you watch Tiger King?


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[Assistant] Well, I do think it was ultimately a battle of power for them all. They all wanted to be the cat.


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[Assistant] Anywhere near gonna actually murder old Carol, uh, or Mrs. Haskins and old Howard Haskins. I think he's been framed and that guy's gonna be in jail till he's dead for sure.


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[Assistant] I was so mad at myself, Aaron. But the good news is, especially in the time that we're in now where you might run out of content, JoeExoticTV.com is still very much alive with all of those videos if you want to go dive through them.


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[Assistant] The born-again Christians. Pat Anger has this pillar of five people you can't trust, and born-again Christians is number one on top of that.


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[Assistant] Okay, it's people who, I think one of them was people that have, uh,


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[Assistant] Athletic trainers squeeze the bottle of water into their mouth in adoring games.


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[Assistant] I spray my bottles in my mouth. I just want to let everybody know that. I think we have it. Here we go. Pat Angers, Five Pillars of Life. You don't crap where you eat. You always keep deodorant in your car. Never trust a born again Christian. Don't let another man squirt water in your mouth and don't get a neck tat unless you have five million dollars.


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[Assistant] Definitely gonna watch that. It all starts with hello cats and kittens or something like that. And then after that, they'll just do whatever the fuck she says. Have you seen Bickram?


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[Assistant] Hey, do you mind if we have somebody in the YouTube comments section ask you a question? It's like the most beautiful place on the internet.


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[Assistant] Okay, I mean, I feel like there's a lot of pressure on the YouTube commenters right now. Not often are you in an open forum.


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[Assistant] Who's gonna show up? Who's gonna ask a good question? Because this is a moment that is a pivotal point in our life and our existence. What YouTube commenter is gonna ask a question that is worth a single fuck? Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to dive deep into the most beautiful section of the internet and do YouTube questions.


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[Assistant] That Zito chose the- I know, I agree by the way. That was a- the YouTube commenters are probably upset that that was the question that was asked. I'll answer this one. You can find one for Aaron. I would like to see Jadevion Clonny


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[Assistant] And potentially, uh, Mr. Peppers, Julius Peppers. I think those are, are the two most


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[Assistant] Physically gifted humans to potentially ever exist. That's honestly what I think. I, I think, like, to Davion Klani, what Rob Minkiewicz say, he could get a sack every single play if he wanted to. It's just whether or not he chooses to. That's a wild time to be alive. And Peppers was a North Carolina basketball player. Do you agree, AJ? You're a big MMA enthusiast.


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[Assistant] Are you a world traveler? Is that your move? Do you like to travel? Is that like a hobby of yours or?


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[Assistant] Well that's smart. Hey, by the way, you're looking out for your, uh, peers in the community. That's very nice of you, Aaron.


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[Assistant] Hey, are we golfing? Are we in a golf tournament again? Is that ever gonna happen?


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[Assistant] No, Scotty Pippen. Scotty Pippen dunked on my face. But I did get him to a shotgun of beer for the first time in his life, so it was a big moment.


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[Assistant] Can't do it anymore. I'm confined to the house. Uh, Aaron, are you guys gonna get another weapon this offseason? What are we doing?


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[Assistant] Are you, now you've been around a long time. Obviously, Mount Rushmore of quarterbacks in a lot of people's minds, you're gonna be a Hall of Famer. Uh, you said this year,


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[Assistant] That you could see hole 18, which kinda scared a lot of your big time fans like me. But I think that was like a sense of urgency, we don't always have this type of window to have success.


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[Assistant] You've been around a long time. This team last year all the way up until the M.C. Championship was fun to watch, man. Fun to watch. Now you add funches another year with the floor. What is the mindset aside from the COVID-19?


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[Assistant] Experience we're all living in, but your mindset this offseason going into next, it has to be pretty like almost reinvigorated. Am I wrong in thinking that?


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[Assistant] I don't want to sound and ask you a stupid question, but


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[Assistant] I'm gonna ask it just strictly because that is this show, a very stupid one. When you see Philip Rivers get $25 million at the age of 38 right now with the Colts, and you see Tom Brady sign a two year $50 million guaranteed deal at the age of 42,


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[Assistant] And you see Drew Brees sign a 25 million dollar guarantee here towards the end of his career. For you, what are your thoughts on those decisions being made? Does it change the way you view anything knowing that


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[Assistant] The quarterback position, if you're a guy who can understand the defense and sling it, there's not a lot of those guys left in the NFL. You can play for another 45 years if you wanted to. Do you think about that ever?


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[Assistant] Well especially with Danica making you not eat any cheat days. And I apologize AJ, go ahead.


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[Assistant] The, the thought that they didn't even bring their lawyers to Indianapolis. By the way, you came to Indianapolis. Thanks for saying hello. But when you came to Indianapolis, uhm, you said they'd only brought one lawyer. Does that mean that the negotiations were between the Maurice in the NFL? And by the time the players were going to be there, it was already over with. How does that work?


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[Assistant] I love that by the way, and I would like to see who withdrew too, and they were like, ah, I'm not smart enough to make that fucking decision. I'll let smart people vote. I can't, that would be, that would be big if we saw who did what.


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[Assistant] Well, I want to let you know I thought you did a great job speaking out and with a reason because we're covering it all and everybody was like no and then Pouncey was like tell these young guys I'll give them 250 so everybody was saying no but they weren't saying why and then when you laid out why I think you cleared a lot of eyes so I appreciate you doing that now I don't want to get away from


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[Assistant] The super serious subject, but I have a question. I don't think you ever get a credit for having an absolute cannon, uh, hose. How far, uh, has, have you once thrown a football before?


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[Assistant] Never get stalked about, by the way. You're known as the Hail Mary God, obviously. Hail Mary's just happened. You hit the roof in Detroit almost before bringing that down from the clouds. You did it in Arizona, running against your body. You did it. High 70s. Is that like 78, 77, 79?


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[Assistant] No, I just have bad pubic hair and like my face looks like pubic hair. It's just bad. It doesn't do good, Aaron. It's bad.


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[Assistant] Well, you, I mean, you're pretty massive. You're, eh, Aaron, you're just not, uh,


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[Assistant] And everyday get I think for anybody. When was the last time you did a show?


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[Assistant] You did Danica's podcast and it was, by the way, the clips were everywhere. I think that's the last time you've really, you don't really do a lot of shows.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like, this has been a month, basically. I have no idea what's gonna happen tomorrow. I don't think anybody does. That's why.


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[Assistant] Herbstreet is literally trending on the internet right now for what he said this morning. It was a constant conversation because there's nothing else to talk about. Here's something that I wanted to ask you about as soon as I found out about it.


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[Assistant] I don't, I am so jealous of, not, not because you can throw a ball 78 yards and because you're Aaron Rodgers, obviously, and he got chased out of Peru by the COVID-19 virus, but I am so incredibly jealous of you strictly because


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[Assistant] You have a painter's painting, two of them in your house, that I would pay more for than any of those other ridiculous paintings that people say they should pay more for. Who are some of those people? Van Gogh?


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[Assistant] That's true, it's right here, it's made from shades, it's in the office.


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[Assistant] Bob Ross paintings, the one I want, by the way, I still want a Bob Ross ever per gossip. Um, Aaron, thank you so much for joining us, man.


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[Assistant] Did you hear me go to bat for you, by the way? Everybody was talking that you were that person. And I actually said there's no way in hell that Aaron Rodgers would allow himself to be filmed running like that and know that what 20 million people, at least 30 million people are going to see it. There's no way that was him. And everybody's like, Nope, that was him for sure. As he gets blown up down the alley.


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[Assistant] Well, my fanhood and friendship was in question because if that was you, I would have, I would have had to bail and I just refused to believe it. I was like, that's not him.


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[Assistant] People are just spreading white until they say Zito. Zito's got some quick feet. You know, hey, you know the guy you met down at the golf tournament, his name was Ty. He had a mustache. He loved the Packers.


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[Assistant] He, uh, he's currently in self-quarantine cause he thought he had, uh, COVID-19 and he just texted, uh, that he loves you and he's very happy that you're home safe and sound ready to make another run at Lombardi next year.


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[Assistant] Oh, well, we appreciate you, Mr. Aaron Rodgers. You're the best. Go back to that lovely girlfriend, the lady that you cohabit with, and, uh, stay safe, will ya?


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[Assistant] He's the absolute best. Wow. I came out of nowhere. We had to delay Herb Street 18 minutes. I was texting him like, ah, sorry pal. I don't know what to do. Uh, I'll send you a Herbie's number.


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[Assistant] AJ, you should do a cigar slash scotch pairing book with Aaron. Yup.


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[Assistant] Well yea, that guy doing anything would be disturbing, let alone rubbing his nuts on things and trying to paint something.


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[Assistant] To get to Cumulus Cloud, you gotta really get that thing going. He starts flopping her back and forth.


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[Assistant] He's the Tiger King of nut painting. He's probably got a cult around him. If I had to guess.


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[Assistant] Hey, how about Aaron Rodgers there by the way, talking about that CBA not going, uh, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Incredible words that he said this morning. And this man, by the way.


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[Assistant] Ohio State legend, he's the voice and face of college football.


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[Assistant] If he was ever given the Monday Night Football gig on top of it, it'd be the number one booth in the NFL as well. He's handsome, he's smart, and he caused quite a cluster today on the internet. Ladies and gentlemen, Kirk Herbstreet.


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[Assistant] Hey, sorry for the lateness there. Aaron Rodgers called and he was telling us a story about how he was ran out of Peru so he could get back to America on time due to the coronavirus.


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[Assistant] You know, you're up there though. You're facing the voice of college football. So whenever you say something that, like you said this morning, and I saw it on getup, I don't know where the original statement was.


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[Assistant] I think how you felt initially about it not being as big of a deal as the flu and then whenever you started seeing the stories out of Italy and then whenever you saw billion


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[Assistant] I don't want to say they're greedy humans, but if you have a billion dollars and you have a company to run, I mean, at some point you're going to have to worry about your business and these people are like, yeah, we'll just postpone it.


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[Assistant] I will move it. We'll do this. The Indy 500, which is 300, 300,000, 400,000 people come to Indianapolis. This economy in Indianapolis is massive. We're around the Indy 500 because they moved it to August 23rd or something like that. They're even moving the Kentucky Derby move.


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[Assistant] These are big deals. That's why whenever I hear, you know, and, and I, I didn't always all buy in at the beginning of the COVID-19, but then when I saw these things happening, I was like, damn, I think this is, uh, unprecedented.


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[Assistant] I agree, I'm on your side and some people need a distraction, a pivot point.


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[Assistant] I think there's a lot of great that's gonna come, but we all kinda have to, you know, band together here to kick this virus's ass together. Speaking of...


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[Assistant] When on the other side of this, let's say college football does happen. Maybe it gets postponed, but it does happen. Joe Burrow, at. Tua, at.


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[Assistant] But, there is a stud down in Clemson.


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[Assistant] In Trevor Lawrence, who seems to be coming back with ETN as a weapon and maybe another chip on his shoulder. What is going to stop the Herb Street boys, Trevor Lawrence, Dabo and Travis ETN next year or the Clemson Tigers. How do you stop that massive and also Ohio state is a great couple of tubes.


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[Assistant] Let's hope that both leagues play and with the NFL, there is one game.


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[Assistant] That is played on a different night than when the NFL normally plays. It is on a Monday night. And that particular game is played on ESPN.


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[Assistant] Which is a place that you have worked for like 19, 20 years at this point and


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[Assistant] After Tony Romo goes back to CBS, Al Michaels doesn't get traded, Peyton Manning turns down the job yet again. As of today, if you look around the internet and the speculation, the thought is,


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[Assistant] Can Kirk Herbstreet pull double duty and do Saturday night and Monday night both at college and in the NFL? Is that something you've ever thought about? And in my eyes, why haven't you been doing that for the last 10 years?


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[Assistant] You wouldn't be able to. You're the face and voice of college football. I've said it before. I said it before.


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[Assistant] You really are, and you're a good one. You're a damn good one too. I think that's, uh, I think you're a gift to the college football world.


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[Assistant] You got it. Ladies and gentlemen, face and voice of college football, the handsome Kirk Herbig. Thank you, Herbig.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he did. He said he never put pads on again. The game was over and it was all because 10th grade AJ Hawk was headhunting these adults that were hung over.


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[Assistant] Well, I think I'm gonna play one game here just to see what it's like. And then if we, if I look like I could stand a little bit of a chance, we drop me right down under and put me right in the middle of that thing and just get my fucking ass beat in the middle of all those slaughterhouse out there.


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[Assistant] It didn't sound like you were happy for me to do that. It sounded like the complete opposite.


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[Assistant] Me neither. They're gonna kill me. It's gonna either end with me tearing my ACL or getting a concussion. But it's worth it.


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[Assistant] It would make my beard look better, but no, I'm not doing that. No, but this AFL thing I'm definitely doing. Ah, potentially doing. It's a lot of cardio I'm going to have to do. I mean,


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[Assistant] Ask me like six days into a new cardio routine if I'm gonna stick with it or not. It would be a cool story though. I think it'd be great video. It'd be good content.


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[Assistant] I understand that, but I'm talking about if we really wanted to do it, I would have to go down under and me and Coxzilla would have to be out there. You know what I mean? Playing a little game.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I only saw one game, by the way. I mean, I only, I had a one night stand with the AFL and then I've watched highlights and the highlights are just kicks and catches and big kicks and big hits. I don't really get to see a lot of the open. How am I running with him? I run it like this because I like to carry like a loaf of bread. Everybody saw my scram, uh, uh, scram, no scamp, uh,


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[Assistant] Scamper? Scamper. Against the Tennessee Titans. I mean, I got boom, 18 yard pick up, no big deal, carrying a ball like this, even extended for an extra yard as I was going out of bounds.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but they're gonna have to deal with me too. You keep saying I'm gonna have to deal with them. They're gonna have to deal with me. I'm gonna be a problem.


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[Assistant] Have you made many tackles without a helmet on? I mean, it's a different world. Backyard football? Are you kidding me? I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. What do you think this is? Kill a man with a ball? Oh, sorry about it.


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[Assistant] Rust belt, my bad. Rust belt, bro. My hair is at a bad spot, by the way. Sam, my lady is not a haircut person, she's cut my hair tonight.


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[Assistant] What, what, eh, was she ever a groomer and groomed schnauzers? Cause that's what my ladies were lying upon. Is there experience grooming schnauzers?


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[Assistant] Drake? Drake released something? I think so. All I know is Jeezy. That's my guy. Stone man. No big deal. He sells cocaine. All right. Hey, have a great weekend, pal. Thanks. You too, pal.


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[Assistant] Hey, we need you for something. I think Office Olympics. Oh yeaah. Not today.


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[Assistant] No, we're recording it here and then we're releasing it tonight at 10. It's our biggest one yet. What is it? It's a game called Office Golf.


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[Assistant] No, I don't, I'm not physically rowing to nowhere into your teles, your telestrator that costs 500k that you never use. No, I'm not. But I love PJ. I think it's great. That's PJ is a motivational speaker. He gives talks like that to his team every single day. That guy's awesome, isn't he?


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[Assistant] See, I don't know, I think PJ may be able to find a way to work in the NFL if he decides to go that route someday. I mean, Pete Carroll, do people think Pete Carroll's gonna work in the NFL? He has like the...


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[Assistant] Pete's super positive, always bubbly, bouncing around where some people may think it gets corny or it gets old.


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[Assistant] Pete seems to be very, very successful in the NFL and he can get across to, he can get his message across to these players. So why can't PJ? PJ is great at, I think, evolving and trying not to become stale to his players. He's talked about that. Like he always, he can't just keep drilling the same things over and over. So I think he's always seeking.


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[Assistant] Different ways on how to get through and get his message to these guys.


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[Assistant] He was in the league for a little bit, he played receiver for a little.


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[Assistant] I don't know, but I believe he was on, he was like, uh, uh, intern or a coach too for some, for maybe the Niners or whatever team he was. I think he spent some time coaching.


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[Assistant] The fact that like the, the generation, the generational thing where players attention span all this stuff, I mean guys are still like,


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[Assistant] The guys that want to be there want to be there, but they just have to go about it different ways. Whether you have, you never have a meeting longer than 30 minutes without giving your guys a break. I know different teams do all kinds of little tricks here and there to keep their guys' attention. But I think a guy like PJ has a chance.


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[Assistant] In the NFL, just because he's willing to evolve. He's willing to change to try to win. Like he's not stuck in his ways. I don't think where he's like, this is it. This is what we do. This is my offense. This is my defense. This is how we do it. And then if somebody asks a question, well, why do we do it that way coach? Because that's the way I've always done it, which is the worst answer ever.


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[Assistant] I don't think so. I don't think so. I mean, it may become PJ's dream eventually. I don't think it is right now, but it depends what your goals are. Like you want, they all want to win, but PJ seems like the kind of guy that wants to impact these young kids. And I'm sure he says that, but he, you can have a huge impact on these guys lives and NFL coach can't have nearly the impact.


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[Assistant] Get a shot of uh, Vitamin B too, if you're a depressed individual.


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[Assistant] If anyone knew a global pandemic was coming.


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[Assistant] What do you think you'd do in a bomber jet? You bomb planes?


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[Assistant] Yep. If you pull one of those bags in the microwave, it'll turn into popcorn.


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[Assistant] I saw someone on Twitter say that the...


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[Assistant] The real issue with two in his hip isn't if he can come back, it's if he can sustain and be durable with it. Cause I guess Dennis Pitta had something similar and his hip popped out again and that's what forced him to retire.


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[Assistant] I saw they're using third party docs, they're letting you use third party docs, but teams are obviously going to want to get their own guys and get their hands on them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean him being from Hawaii, I think that's a natural conclusion. It definitely makes sense. Put him in that climate, put him in that environment. Put him in a couple commercials down there.


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[Assistant] Well they paid Donald, they paid Brandon Cooks too, and now they gotta pay Jalen Ramsey.


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[Assistant] They have to, right? They gave up two first round picks to get them. You have to keep that investment there at least. Geez.


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[Assistant] That's right, it is McAfee and Hawk, a sports show live on the YouTube 100% because AJ Hawk is currently quarantined in Ohio. I'm quarantined in Indiana. There's no live sports, so we figured we'd talk about them. Thank you so much for turning into our first episode here. AJ, how are you doing?


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[Assistant] Yep, I drove to this office this morning for 13 minutes actually, so I am not quarantined. But we are in the office currently on a massive day. This March 16th is the tampering period day that has kicked off for the NFL and franchise tag day. So although live sports have stopped, the business side of the NFL is off and running.


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[Assistant] Well Diggs just walked in, so something big just happened. Diggs, what happened?


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[Assistant] For those that are just keeping up here, Tom Brady was allegedly going to the Titans because he faced time with variable and used to play with him. He was allegedly going to the Niners. Those teams said, nah, now everybody is in play in the Denver Broncos, just like they made a play for Peyton Manning, potentially making a play for Tom Brady to save their souls.


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[Assistant] Hey AJ, that's an interesting question you just asked because people around here, just like in every other city in America that has an NFL team, they hate Tom Brady here. They, I mean, they don't like Philip Rivers, but they hate Tom Brady here.


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[Assistant] That burns a little bit deeper than people could imagine. A lot of people hate Tom Brady. Indianapolis is one of those cities. But I think Phillip Rivers ends up here with the Colts, even though the Colts would be a good fit for Tom Brady. Good team. Need to add another weapon. But everybody's talking about Tampa Bay because Tampa Bay is ready to fucking give him everything. Roster control, potential offensive play call control, Bruce Arians, Clyde Christensen and the boys kind of on their swan song down there. They just want to win one and they got weapons, including if they bring in Antonio Brown.


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[Assistant] Who's potentially going there. That's why I think everybody's talking about the Buccaneers, but I guess John Elway. Let's not leave that son of a bitch out of this thing.


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[Assistant] And I light it and it goes out and I light it and it goes out. But anyways, I'm sorry I interrupted.


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[Assistant] Well, my Strictly CBD could be bonged, it could be gas masked, it could be bold, it could be steamrolled, it could be blunted, but in my eyes, the cone is the most efficient and easiest to do, but it just won't stay lit. I don't know why, maybe it's because coronavirus got to it, but I'm not 100% sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you want to listen to me whenever I was speaking over top of you, it's easy. It's convenient. It normally stays lit for time, but now it's just not, it's not performing under pressure right now. I'm a little bit worried about it, but let's talk about football. Tom Brady, your thoughts, please.


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[Assistant] Sorry, I lost you. You were over there talking to the boys. We lost you there. Sorry, we lost you from Word to Quarantine Studio. It's great to have you back. Now let's get to the Tom Brady, please.


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[Assistant] It is. I mean, we're gonna, it's gonna take a little bit to work out, you know, the ebbing flows. We're gonna have to have our horse blinders on. But I think this is gonna be a one stop shop for great conversation on a daily basis.


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[Assistant] It's kind of hard to see. I don't think we got good circulation in here. Coronavirus attacked our vents. But I think, I think Tom Brady at 50 million dollar fully guaranteed is going to be the number I think.


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[Assistant] Unless, unless it becomes like a bidding war between the Buccaneers, the Chargers, and the Broncos, and somehow somebody's like, alright, well fuck it, we'll just give you 35 million.


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[Assistant] And this is all we want from you, you know? With the Broncos getting into play though,


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[Assistant] Nobody's talked about them, right? I mean, nobody talked about the Broncos when Peyton Manning was up either. Everybody thought it was potentially the Titans because there was a rumor that they were going to give them a percentage of the fucking team at one point.


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[Assistant] Then the Rams were going to Los Angeles. So the thought was like, Hey, get Peyton Manning in LA because he could be the face of a team. Then the Broncos kind of came out of nowhere and they handed the keys over to Peyton as soon as he got there. Like, Hey, here you go. This is your now that's gotten Adam Gase four different jobs now since that, but they had a hell of a run there. I would assume John always like, okay.


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[Assistant] This is, we'll do exactly what we did with Peyton. We'll give you the keys. We'll let you do your own thing. We've done this before. We've got a good defense. Von Miller's still here playing football. That's actually not a bad landing spot. Our guy, Drew Locke, who's not scared to rap a little cheesy on the sideline, kind of has to take a back seat and learn from a goat for a little bit.


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[Assistant] But that would be a hell of a play all of a sudden. Nobody had been talking about the Broncos.


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, is that not true that like Belichick would do things that are so out of the norm if any other coach was to do it or GM was to do it, they would get hammered. But with Belichick, everybody's like, well, he's got a plan. Probably. I assume I was at last night. I watched the 30 for 30, the two bills, him and Parcell.


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[Assistant] And talking about all the way back to their giant days, how Belichick is just this cerebral guy. Like he doesn't, there's no emotions. He doesn't worry about anything out. He can focus for a long period of time. He's in the details, everything's so small. He'll get rid of somebody.


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[Assistant] Before they're even close to crashing out, he did it with Bruceki, he did it with McGinnis, he did it with Randy Moss, he did it with Vinatieri, he's done it with... Richard Seymour. Richard Seymour, he's done it with...


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[Assistant] So, Mike Frame, he's done it with everybody, and they always talk, like Akeem Tlaib said on Info Network last week, he was like, uhm,


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[Assistant] He was like, uh, Tom Brady gets treated the same exact way in team meetings as everybody else by Bill Belichick. So if he's treating him the exact same way in front of everybody else in team meetings, let's assume he's treating him the exact same way as everybody else in business conversations. In a cube to leave said if that phone call.


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[Assistant] Want the way people are reporting is not as planned? He was like, I've had some phone calls with Bill Belichick that didn't go as planned either. And that, I think Tom, I think Bill Belichick's a lot more out on Tom Brady than a lot of people are, are commenting about. I, I wonder if the Patriots are like moving on, like, hey, we gotta do this. And now Tom has to go find somewhere else anyways.


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[Assistant] Tweeted out this morning, E-Tweeted out this morning that all these announcements of these contracts are, they look bad optically, they look bad, it's bad timing because people are wondering when their next paycheck's gonna come in, and by the way,


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[Assistant] I very much understand that there's a lot of people going through some terrible, terrible, terrible shit right now. I have a lot of friends that are in the bartending business and the restaurant business. That's going to take a massive hit. I mean, Seeky


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[Assistant] Is one of our biggest business partners. And that place is in a, I mean, the secondary ticket market obviously. I understand that people are going through very bad. I know this is not a good time. Our business is gonna get affected. I mean, I understand this is not a great time right now economically.


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[Assistant] So I can understand how the thought of potentially being fake outraged by hearing that other people are signing deals. I can see how that could be a potential pander.


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[Assistant] But Darren Revelle tweeted out this morning, is it going to take an actual player who's being offered millions to tell NFL owners that doing 60 million and 90 million guarantees in this time is an insanely horrible look? Some of your fans are literally wondering how they're going to pay for their next meal.


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[Assistant] I respect that that is a real th- I understand there's some people that are, are worried about that. And by the way, that happens all the time, but now even more so because of the wild times we're in.


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[Assistant] But what are these guys supposed to do? Not take deals that are being offered to them? Like what is, it wouldn't this time make guys be a little bit even more thankful for guaranteed cost? I just don't understand what the fuck's supposed to go. Like what is Darren Revelle expecting them to do?


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[Assistant] He's a bad guy, but we saw Ravel, he was leaving as we were sitting down, and I said,


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[Assistant] And he saw me and he stood and we were gonna link up, but we were like 400 people away from each other because everybody was exiting at one time. So it never gonna happen. I've never met him before, but this feels like a tweet that he thought was really gonna go.


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[Assistant] You know, like, when he put this out, he was like, fucking got em. Like everybody, everybody's gonna feel this way. I think it got 60 retweets. If you have 2 million followers, 60 retweets, and you're grandstanding on something, normally that thing will go. That one did not for him.


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[Assistant] I don't know what players are supposed to do, Darren. What do you, you want, you want Kirk Cousins who already signed a 90 some million guaranteed dollar contract that just got a two year extension to be like, you know what? Don't pay me until I know America's getting paid.


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[Assistant] Is that what your cousins are supposed to do? What are you? Is Mike Tannehill, or Mike Tannehill, is Ryan Tannehill, who experienced football in its worst form down in Miami with gays, then he goes to the Titans and like runs off to the AFC championship and then gets broken off having the time of his life? Is he supposed to be like, you know what? Now that I've thought about it, can't fucking go outside your house in some cities.


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[Assistant] That offense started cooking late in the year too. They start, they were a problem for people. They were a real problem for people. DeAndre Hopkins going to Arizona is kind of a buzzkill for me though. Now unless Arizona is going to make a big run at the playoffs.


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[Assistant] I thought he could have been like a reason why a team goes from boom to bang. I think the Cardinals have a lot more to fix, like potentially on the defensive side of the ball. But if he would end up with, let's say the Colts or the Packers or another team that needs the Patriots who need a weapon, he's, he's like one player that could have taken somebody right over the motherfucking hump. And now in Arizona, it's like, oh, we still got some time.


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[Assistant] We, I floated that out on the show this morning, uhm, and a writer for the Athletic for the Green Bay Packers,


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[Assistant] Basically summarize me and Michael Lombardi's conversation about it, floating out the idea of the pack potentially being a place for him to go.


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[Assistant] And that thing got real traction in Green Bay. And I don't think Packers fans are normally on board with a lot of shit. They were on board with that. I think Green Bay needs a weapon desperately and their fans know it though.


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[Assistant] I assume it had to have been a first. Everybody was talking about for DeAndre Hopkins it had to be a first. Why, why are, why are the Texans getting rid of him? Has anybody, have we found out why the Texans are, why are the Texans getting rid of him?


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[Assistant] They did. That's why he was floated that he was being traded. It was very weird because Lombardi said they were trying to trade him last year too. I wonder why they're trying to get him out.


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[Assistant] So it was a second round pick. Now David Johnson, he could, I guess, turn it on like he used to be. Which, by the way, thank you Diggs for that update.


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[Assistant] David Johnson, you remember him like 3 years, was it 3 years ago? He took over the world. 3 years ago? 4 years ago?


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[Assistant] He took over the world. He was everything. He was the next, he was the next guy, David Johnson. Then he got hurt. I think he broke his wrist or something and then something else happened. He's kind of been gone for the last couple of years, but if, if he comes back, I guess this is a mighty move for the Texans, but it sounds like this is just a second round move.


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[Assistant] Transition tag today by the Cardinals as well. So obviously the Cardinals are ready to move on from the David Johnson era. They are able to get rid of him and get


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[Assistant] One of the most under- I mean that's a- Arizona Cardinals by the way, I don't know if they get talked about often for making good moves. This feels like a good move for the Arizona Cardinals.


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[Assistant] I remember Billy Oh just appointed himself officially the General Manager recently. This is his first real move since anointing himself officially General Manager. I feel like he just got beat by the high schooler Cliff Kingsbury a little bit. Diggs is back with another update.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but in 2020, that shit's gonna happen that just happened right there. John Elway's gonna get on his own Twitter account and say, listen, I just opened four more car dealerships and we are not in the business of Tom Brady. I just want to let you know, that's something that he could say right now in 2020. You could have said that like 10 years ago, maybe when nobody knew anything, but that's an interesting thing. All these insiders though.


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[Assistant] I don't think what you, I don't think like you're a fan of one of the other insiders, but that's their business, by the way.


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[Assistant] Our business is to be the first one that breaks it. That's every that's like they have to get it checked. I think I think they have to get it checked. I'm not 100% sure.


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[Assistant] I-I don't know the rules. I wonder if they all have like a meeting, like an insider's meeting. They're like, alright, listen, we've all...


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[Assistant] Accrued a Rolodex of people that are gonna leak information to us that they're not leaking to anybody else. We have to have some rules. You have to check it, but I wonder if that's the case because who's making the rules for the insiders? Nobody. Is it their own little world? I don't understand how the insiders work.


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[Assistant] Maybe we should get into the inside game. Philip Rivers has come to agreement, uh, come to terms with the Indianapolis Colts.


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[Assistant] I have it on authority right here. Sources have said, what time is it? 1 27 here, uh, March 16th. I have cut. He's took a good deal. Good for good for both sides. Knows it's kind of the end of the go. Have to build up the team a little bit. Good for Philip Rivers. Good for the good for the Indianapolis coast.


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[Assistant] I was his biggest fan last year, but it does feel like everybody else is. And normally where there's smoke, there's fire. Feels like the cult's probably out on him too. Chris Ballard in that press conference, uh, at the end of the year talking about the entire year.


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[Assistant] He said, they said, uh, are you completely sold on Jacoby Brissett or something like that?


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[Assistant] And he was like, uh, well, that's why we gave him a short deal. We didn't know what we had basically is what he said. So he worked, he gave him like a two year deal because he said he didn't really know what he had. And under the circumstances of your generational quarterback retiring 10 days before the season started.


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[Assistant] And then at the first half of the year, I was all in by the way. I was selling them. I was a big Jacoby Persephone. Then he got hurt against the Steelers. Uh, Cam Hayward dropped an offensive lineman on his knee, hurts his knee.


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[Assistant] God, sat out a game, old buddy threw like 45 picks. What was his name? The back former backup from the lawyer.


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[Assistant] Hoyer, Hoyer threw 45 interceptions and then Jacoby came back and he was never the same after that. He was just never the same. So he was never been a starter for an entire off season and he got hurt. So that could have affected a lot of things, but that's a big time decision that Ballard has to make, you know, cause that team is very good around him. That's a very good team.


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[Assistant] I don't know, would that be a hard thing to do? Like, hey, you were the starter, then you're a backup, then you're a starter, then you're a backup, then you're a starter. That's like a very, that's an interesting thing for Jacoby.


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[Assistant] Cause it's like a convertible, take the top off, put the window down.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they actually become wind tunnels, which is worse than most other places, but I'm not here to complain because for the home games I get to kick in a dome, but I did hate whenever people are like, oh, he's in a dome, he's in a dome. It's like, well, I'm actually in a fucking wind tunnel from like a car commercial for the first four home games, but I understand how the other four are not. And also in a dome, you don't have half the time to wind at your back. You know what I mean? There's actually no wind. So I mean, there's a lot of things that I have a problem with.


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[Assistant] I don't know, man. I'm so intrigued by it too because the more teams that are dropping out, it's like, yo, if we're going to get Philip Rivers is an old quarterback. I mean, why don't we think about getting old quarterback?


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[Assistant] Goat. Goat. The greatest quarterback of all time. That seems like probably a smart move.


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[Assistant] Listen, Tom, we are interested, but we're gonna have to really work out a PR thing here.


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[Assistant] Because there's a potential, there's a potential riot on our hands. I mean they hate them here man. They hate Tom Brady here.


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[Assistant] We're only like two generations of fans deep at this point, right?


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[Assistant] It's not like a five generation fan base, six generation fan base where it's like my dad, my great granddad, my things like that where they pass down stories of what it's like to be a fan. These, this fan base was built around Peyton Manning.


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[Assistant] And the only real heartache they had on a regular basis was because of a guy named Tom fucking Brady. You know what I mean? And he stood for basically everything that India, like, so the first batch of Colts fans had a great run there with Peyton.


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[Assistant] Exactly. And the Luck Generation, by the way, I don't know how that fa- they might not be fans of football anymore. The way the Luck Generation went. I honestly-


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[Assistant] Uh, before we get to some more news, I have a video I found on the internet that I'd like to show you, AJ.


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[Assistant] This comes from a lady in an airport bath or an airplane bathroom, uh, really, really doing her best to save, uh, society.


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[Assistant] How do you feel about that generation? That's a generation that's gonna be running the world at some point. That tick-tock generation right there.


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[Assistant] That's Connor and Foxy's generation. Probably a lot on the YouTube, their generation too. And hey listen, you guys have grown up in an interesting time, interesting world, interesting accessibility to things that we could have never dreamed of as children, but I think you guys take it a step too far whenever we're talking about the fuckery. And this is said fuckery that I'm speaking of.


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[Assistant] Why are people coming into your house? That's the purpose of this whole thing is to keep people away from people. And you're just inviting a gym teacher in, a retired teacher in, your wife's friends are in. You are harboring the coronavirus while potentially setting yourself up for absolute failure in about 48 hours in this whole homeschooling thing.


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[Assistant] That's a lot of kids. And you're saying you can't get your kids to listen to you for two seconds? Is that just the norm or?


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[Assistant] No, you judge them immediately upon walking into their classroom or wherever you're meeting with them. Who? The teachers? Yea, you're judging the teachers immediately.


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[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely not. Hey, what you said was right, dude. Don't worry about what you said.


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[Assistant] Alright, so let's go through this real quick before we do, uh, quarantine sports, which will be a segment on this show that people are really gonna enjoy. We'll get to quarantine sports in about three minutes or so. Right, Zeta, that's how much time we need. Zeta has to write code.


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[Assistant] Quick little change for quarantine sports. Okay, we'll be right back to you with another. Got it. We're setting up quarantine sports right now. He has the right code right now. So, uh.


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[Assistant] Our tech can't handle the amount of inputs right now since you're facetiming in and then also putting in a video. So Zito actually has, Cuban Zit has to create a portal for this to come through. This is Zito production through and through. I'm sure something will go wrong, but it will work ultimately. Is that accurate, Zit? Oh yeah. He just gave the big thumbs up. He's excited.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we got a good group in here. It's the Pub and Ty helping along here with Diggs doing the updates. We figured we should just be a live thing because NFL Network was live yesterday and it was all I wanted to watch.


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[Assistant] ESPN, I think they're doing some live stuff. Boy, it's some stuff from back in the day. And here on the YouTube, I feel like we should be live during all this NFL stuff's happening and the boys are in. He started making, we have an open. Can you play that open again? I mean, look at this open that was thrown together. Are you kidding me? This is grade A stuff.


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[Assistant] Do you mind if I just quoted the person that was speaking to me? Just want to let you know that.


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[Assistant] So it's either you or one other person that was there whenever you were there, and obviously now with how adamant you are that you didn't piss all over the floor, all over the place. With how adamant you are, it must have been the other guy. And I said, hey,


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[Assistant] Not my AJ. Whenever they started saying they could have been you, I actually said not my AJ. I mean, I was in Hawaii, I don't know who was dropping their, their drawers and just urinating all over our floor whenever there's toilets everywhere. I said not my AJ. And everybody said, we don't think AJ would do it either.


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[Assistant] He is one of the only two X-factors that it could have been, because whenever that person left, it was happening. So I just want, your name was definitely thrown in there, I think just by happenstance.


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[Assistant] That was Cliff Kingsbury, the man who just made a great trade with Bill O'Brien for the Arizona Cardinals. That was his last game as coach for Texas Tech.


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[Assistant] And, and that game started like a 25 game or 20, nope, that's way too many games.


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[Assistant] CBD is known for math, but if we were to call it another game, I think what they should do is have me do play-by-play and you do color commentary. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Quarantine Sports.


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[Assistant] That was a great intro too. The boys made an intro into that. Quarantine sports will be a daily look at a sport that you probably haven't seen before. It's a game or a challenge or a sport that has been ripped off the internet that we can play on this YouTube page without getting a cease and desist.


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[Assistant] AJ and I will be calling live from a dungeon somewhere in Europe, a cycle ball world championship between the reigning world champions, Austria and the challengers, the Germans from Germany.


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[Assistant] Uh, this is the game here, AJ. Uh, this is team Austria. These are the reigning defending champs. Look at the light show, AJ. Look at them go.


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[Assistant] Shouldn't be doing that in the middle of the coronavirus. The pudgy one with the frill looks like he is potentially the leader of the squad standing to the left. Now we have a coin toss. The ref flips it, lets it hit the ground.


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[Assistant] To be the man, you gotta beat the man. And to do so, you gotta keep the ball in bounds. Germany with a run here, AJ. Flick of the shot and a save by the Austrians.


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[Assistant] Goal for the Austrian! He was deeking, he was creeping, he was freaking, and ultimately, the one-man wrecking show won nothing Austria with a little backhand for the kid.


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[Assistant] 60's, celebrating before it went in like Steph Curry. What a moment for the Austrian big fella. 2-1 reigning champs.


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[Assistant] Bro, he just won Top Cheds right there. These Austrians can score from anywhere. I think it should be worth more points though if you're shooting from your own goal line.


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[Assistant] And that was quarantine sports. By the way, that's why the Austrians are 1-0 in the reigning world champs. I assume they went on to win that game.


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[Assistant] Can't do it anymore. Can't do it. Can't do anything. Can't touch anybody. You gotta toe tap. You gotta give a little inside inside. You gotta do kid and play. Maybe shake the Achilles.


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[Assistant] Alright, I think we're done for the day. Wait, Diggs is up. Diggs has an update. Did anything else happen? Ah, wait, your mic was turned off.


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[Assistant] Rest in peace to Teddy Bridgewater, to Mitchell Trubisky's era for the Chicago Bears. Big update there from Diggs who can confirm somebody else's report like anybody, like anybody, the best of them. Uh, Teddy Bridgewater starting quarterback


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[Assistant] For the Chicago Bears, if they get a deal done obviously is a big deal because this means that Pace very much understands that Mitchell Trubisky is not the answer and he and Nagy had to get on the same page to bring in a new quarterback. Said quarterback Teddy Bridgewater went undefeated last year and was once up for conversations of MVP before he ultimately got hurt. Good to see him come full circle here and now he's a starter in Chicago.


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[Assistant] I've said this a few times. If you can get Tom Brady in your building you get him in your building.


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[Assistant] He's gonna make everybody better. Every- the athletic trainers, the equipment managers, everybody is gonna get better. The defense, the coaches, everybody's gonna get better if you get Tom Brady in the building. That's why it is so important that he gets signed by- or he's gonna be wanted by so many people. A lot of people are like, this old dude, you think he's gonna be wanted? I'm like, I think he makes everything better, AJ. Am I wrong in thinking that?


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[Assistant] They're roommates with Kyle Shanahan, they're friends, they're old friends, they're old pals, they're old buddies. He wouldn't lie, would he?


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[Assistant] I think Andy is a good quarterback. And we, I think you and I might be the only humans that have ever said that publicly in the microphones. I think Andy Dalton is a good quarterback. He won games on a very consistent


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[Assistant] Basis? Yeah, that's the word. Consistent basis for a team that should not win games on a consistent basis ever. I mean that team, the way it's run is hilarious.


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[Assistant] He's only had like AJ Green and a couple other people. He doesn't get enough credit at all. Imagine he goes to New England Patriots next year. They don't have to pay him shit. I mean, they probably don't have to pay him anything. And he's with McDaniels. He's smart. It seems like, oh my God, that would work out too perfectly. And Bill Belichick's laughing in everybody's face yet again.