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[Assistant] No, I mean, he didn't also say that, you know, on the bench... How many guys have had 2,000 yards in the history of the NFL?


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[Assistant] And I use the numbers to say he's not getting 2,000 and I'll use the same numbers. He gets 5 yards, let's assume he continues to get 5 yards of carry.


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[Assistant] When does he get 25 carries a game? He'd have to get 25 carries a game every game to get to an average 5 yards of carry to get to 2,000. The Browns have not used him that way.


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[Assistant] He's not a Derek Henry work. Well, Derek Henry gets used that way. And I'm not, I'm not saying they should use him that way. What I'm saying is for him to get 2,000, he'd have to have 25 carries a game. No, I'm saying he'd have to add


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if he, which he doesn't ever get to, he may have gotten to that once or twice last year.


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[Assistant] He would have to average 23 carries every game.


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[Assistant] While averaging five yards per carry and that would still leave him short of 2,000 yards.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna say more than a thousand. More than a thousand. Yeaah, because. I mean, if he only catches one and a half passes a game. Yeaah. This was a colossal fail. Fewer than 25 receptions. I mean, that's a low number. That's a bad one. That's a bad one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll still say that there's a better chance, because I can tell you, he's not going to win a medal in any track and field event. He's not, right?


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[Assistant] This year they're gonna come? Yeaah. I, I still believe in him. I just think he's got, he's got some issues to figure out, but name a kicker that hasn't at some point in his career had some issues to figure out.


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[Assistant] Even the great Justin Tucker had some years where you look at his stats and say, huh.


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[Assistant] Give him two more makes, and suddenly he's, cause the percentage, you don't try a hundred field goals. You know, the percentage, it's not like batting average.


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[Assistant] Sure, what do you want? Can you, I just texted something to you. I, I don't know if you, can you put that on tag board from a text or not? If not, you can find it on Twitter. I wanted to talk about that.


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[Assistant] I wanted to talk about that. Like we need to start a new segment that says what the hell is that?


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[Assistant] And when you see it, you're probably going to say, oh yeaah, I saw that, and I wondered myself, what the hell is that? Uhm, I saw it, I think it was over the weekend I first saw it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was, it was out there a while, so I know all three of you guys saw it. I did some research to find out what the hell is that. Because I knew there had to be a story behind it, and there is a story behind it, and if Mike can figure out how to throw a tag board.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. Uh, it was something I saw over the weekend and I, I, I first thought, oh, he lost a bet. Speaking of losing bets, you sent the text of Dave Fleming having to be the ball boy for the Giants last night.


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[Assistant] First of all, it's not flattering at all for his body type, because he's short, even though he doesn't have a gut. When you're short, it can make you look like you have a gut, and especially when you're wearing a sports bra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I need an update on something, okay? You had a bidet installed in the house. Has it changed your life? Because you had said this is going to be a game changer. I'm no longer going to have to jump in the shower every time I take a deuce.


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[Assistant] It's very thick and heavy. If you were to pour it, it would go


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[Assistant] It's like paint! And you have to drink the whole gallon!


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[Assistant] Yeah, sorry. I'll tell you one thing before we, one vacation story real quick. It falls right in line with how stupid I am. So when we were at Hilton Head last year,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was last year, two years ago. We got about 45 minutes home and I realized I forgot my iPad because I can't ever go anywhere. I forget everything. So I had to turn around and get the iPad. So this year the kids are laughing on vacation like, Hey, you got your computer, right dad? I'm like, yes, it's in my bag. And I handed my bag to my son. So we're packing the car, packing the car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything's fine. We're driving home. We came home a different way. So we literally passed the Greenbrier where the Browns were practicing. So as we're passing the Greenbrier, we, my wife gets a call from Kill Devil Hills. I'm like, well, this isn't good. That's where we were staying. And they said, is Jason with you? And she's like, yeah, he's right here.


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[Assistant] And they said, we have your computer. And I thought it was a joke. I'm like, no, it can't be. It's back there. It's in the back seat. My son...


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[Assistant] Wait a minute, where's the bag? We somehow the bag got out of the car when we were repackaging things and repacking and had to move the umbrella or something.


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[Assistant] And they said the cleaning people found your computer bag with your laptop, with your New York Times laptop laying in the driveway of the rental. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, easy. And the cleaning people were actually there as we were leaving. They were already there to...


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[Assistant] It was 20 for me to ground ship it. It's supposed to be here by end of day tomorrow. I'm like, well, that's good enough. So yeaah, I wasn't paying $180. So sorry, I won't be working again for another couple of days at the Athletic.


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[Assistant] The coaches love it. So I'll defer to them. They're the ones in charge of this.


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[Assistant] Because it's a more controlled environment, you're not exposed to injuries. Jalen Hurts, for example, isn't gonna get, he'll get hit in a preseason game, he's gonna get hit and sacked, whereas in this, you can get there, you can see clearly it would have been a sack, but you're not taking him to the ground.


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[Assistant] So it's situations like that that I think coaches love. It's, it's a hundred percent. It's full speed. I remember watching last year. It is full go.


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[Assistant] But at the same time it's also controlled in that you're not exposing guys to unnecessary risk and unnecessary injuries. Brown said some guys limped off yesterday. I don't think anything of it is any real concern. Do we want to detail those? Miles is fine. Denzel Ward was ill.


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[Assistant] But just the fact of, I do think that the joint practices are a good idea. I know Kevin loves them. He wants to do them. I mean, he'll probably do them every year. This is now back to back with Philly. We'll probably pick up another team next year, I would think, and do the same thing with the home and home. The Giants have been here. Obviously we know about the debacle with the Colts a couple years ago. But just the fact that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I said, you can get good work in, it's controlled, you can sort of keep a harness on it, whereas in the preseason, anything goes. And that's why more and more teams are shying away from playing their guys in preseason games because of the injury risk.


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[Assistant] Anybody can get hurt at any time playing football. We all know that. But they just feel like it's a little bit more of a controlled setting in this where you can get the work in and not expose guys to unnecessary injuries.


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[Assistant] No, I, I, you're right. Like, and even the guys that don't play in the preseason will tell you, you still have to hit to get ready to play. So they do agree with that. It's just the amount. And again,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know they take it unbelievably seriously with the monitors that they wear and when guys are running in the red, they've done sleep studies of staying over in extra cities, staying an extra night, getting a full night's rest rather than flying home, getting home at two, three in the morning and having that choppy sleep.


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[Assistant] Michael Wilbon told a great story about when Michael Jordan was playing when he was covering Michael and Michael would walk in the trainer's room and there would be five or six guys up there and Michael go, get out, go get dressed, go get dressed, go, go, go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's just the way that it went. And that doesn't happen anymore. Now, again, because of the investment, because of what these guys are making, if you get a hamstring, you shut it down for three or four days. To the baseball point, what's interesting, you would know this better than anybody.


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[Assistant] I look at it, I really want to do a deep dive on the Rays. Because I look at- Oh, they're fascinating. Something is going on there. I agree. They take these pictures- But they don't over you.


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[Assistant] But there is more churn there with, I don't know if it's the way that they, and I don't want to go off on a baseball tangent, 11-15 on a Brown's day, I know, but I don't know if it's the way if that pitchers, cause we're talking injuries, if they are putting more torque on their elbow and they're throwing things differently than they did 30 years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's weird. And then, and then to pull us back to football, as we talk about baseball and torque and spin rate and everything else, to bring it to football, guys are bigger, stronger, faster than they've ever been before. So you expect more injuries. So there's going to be harder collisions and more injuries. These guys were smoking cigarettes and working construction 40 years ago in the off season. That's so true.


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[Assistant] In games? That's a good question. I don't know enough about them to give a good answer because I laugh at them at practice too.


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[Assistant] Exactly. Yeah, you're dead in that. But your body in that scenario is the brain inside the skull. Yes, and now if you get in a car wreck, the car is, I mean, you can go 10 miles an hour and total your car. You can. Because the car takes all the force and you walk out fine. I've experienced that.


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[Assistant] We're talking player safety. Oh. If there's a way for the helmet to be the car and absorb the shock, maybe that's the way. But again, I got D's and signs. I ain't the one. And you forgot your laptop.


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[Assistant] So here's where I have to come down on this because last year Philly kicked their ass when they were here.


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[Assistant] Precursor of what we saw from the Browns and the Eagles. And we tried to temper it and say, it's only a couple of days, this didn't look good, they whipped their ass, but it-


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[Assistant] You know, it is what it is, but then you look and see Philly goes on the Super Bowl and the Browns fall apart.


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[Assistant] Now I'm not going to say this is the reversal of that, but I have to give the same credence this year to what we gave last year of call it for what it is. It was a great day for the Browns. That could lead to really good things, but it's still only one day. So it's better than getting


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It absolutely is. So if, you know, if you had a bad taste over last year and how it went, well, then you should feel good about this. Good point. Uhm, yeaah. I mean, certainly you have to feel better than it was last year, leaving those joint practices going, wow, Philly's really, really good.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if they stay healthy, I like Anthony Walker. I think, you know, he's fine. I think J.O.K. could have a big year in this, in this system. If it doesn't, if it doesn't work for J.O.K. in this scheme, I don't know where it's gonna work. Yeah, I don't either.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the question with Duann has always been maturity. That's been his big, that's why he fell as far as he did.


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[Assistant] No, and if he, if he takes hold of this, if he realizes the opportunity that's in front of him, if he...


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[Assistant] Uh, grows up a little bit, which it seems like he's doing. The Browns could have something here.


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[Assistant] But it's too early to declare that he's arrived. But certainly you have to like what you've seen. I mean, I agree. I think Baldinger is one of the best in the business at doing this. And if he loves the guy, who am I to say no? I'm just telling you the reason he fell so far was maturity issues and he's just kind of...


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[Assistant] I'm trying to, like, I hate the who says no question, but I'm trying to see, like, on that deal who says no.


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[Assistant] I don't know that the Browns, I think the Browns don't do it because we just said linebackers the least important position on that defensive unit and it's so hard to find tackles. I mean the fact that we thought Conklin was going to retire and they gave him a four year extension.


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[Assistant] I didn't understand it. I don't like it. And I don't think that we've seen enough.


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[Assistant] Jack Conklin, cause they're building their forever home here. Oh really? He'll be here. Jack will be a lifer in Cleveland. Wow. That would upset him.


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[Assistant] Depth chart, yes. I love that your answer because I think I agree 100%. Significance too strong of a word for me to use. Like, Conklin's had a ton of injuries. There's a very real chance that he misses 3-4 games this year at some point.


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[Assistant] And by the way, I can't believe I'm saying that because after the draft, I'm like, this guy's a year or two away. At least.


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[Assistant] And so if he's coming as fast as it looks, and again, it's early, and so I'm not, I'm not ready to declare where you are with him yet, but I think-


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[Assistant] It's a timing thing with linemen. Yes. Yeah, that's why I brought that up yesterday too. Yes, absolutely. And I also think defensive linemen exert more energy than offensive linemen do. Just in terms. And so these guys, it's almost like hockey lines have to change out faster because of the energy that you're exerting.


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[Assistant] Well, they had a play last year for Michael Dunn as the, as the third tight end who would have been an eligible receiver. There was a play in there for him to catch the touchdown.


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[Assistant] The on-field stuff is there with him. So whether you love that or hate that, I just think you would love that. It's not a question of if he can do it on the field. It's off the field with him.


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[Assistant] The best talkers in the locker room? Offensive line.


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[Assistant] He spent an upgrade over JJ3, certainly. I think it's, and I don't know that John is really that bad of a player, I just think it's a better fit. I think Juan's a better fit for what's going on here.


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[Assistant] And just a veteran presence back there understands what's expected of him. I thought Tyvis said it best a couple of weeks ago about like, we don't need you until we need you. And when we need you, we really need you.


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[Assistant] And he understands that where I think with, with JJ3 last year, when they needed him, he was, he was on break. And that's, and that was so glaring in film. So I think that's what's going to be different this year. I don't think you're going to have those types of instances.


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[Assistant] Did you ever do your list? I know you're supposed to, right? Nope, never did. No, I forgot about it.


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[Assistant] I think he will be higher. I think he, he is my Dewan Jones to G. I think he is a star. I think he's a stud. I'm really high. I'm really high on Emerson.


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[Assistant] When they drafted Martin Emerson, he was not supposed to be the starting outside cornerback. That was not the plan. And, and so I'm willing to give Greg a little bit of a break because I think last year was such a transition year for him and a lot was asked of him in terms of sacrifice, in terms of ego.


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[Assistant] Full focus on football. I agree with that. But I just think- If that happens, it'll be fine. I think last year being a little bit of a transition into a new role and he had to eat some ego. Yup.


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[Assistant] And I think there was some transition that went with that. And if he adjusts to it, like I think he's obviously a talented player. Uh, this could be a really, really, really good secondary.


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[Assistant] And when Phil Savage, when Phil Savage was the GM, I was covering Ohio State at the time, and I saw him at the facility watching film and talking to coaches. So they do know where Columbus is. Yeaah. And they did have relationships with him. I just couldn't believe it. It was so strange.


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[Assistant] Nationally, in the media, if he comes out and balls out, how will he be covered?


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[Assistant] He's not winning the MVP. They are not giving him the MVP.


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[Assistant] If the earth opens up and swallows up Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, Jalen Hertz, Joe Burrow, and Deshaun throws for 65 touchdown passes.


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[Assistant] There's no way he has under a thousand if he doesn't get hurt. I agree that's the only way. That's the only way. If we can eliminate injury. Are you eliminating?


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[Assistant] Deshaun will win the MVP before JOK leaves the league in tackles.


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[Assistant] I'm going to say, I'm going to say, boy, that's, that's because both 100% from 29 yards and in. This is the most realistic one of all of them. Really? Cause either one could happen. The other stuff, the other stuff can happen.


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[Assistant] I will take the 100%, but either one of those could happen. I think that's the most realistic one of all of these.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I would take Chubly in the league and carries, especially if, uh, my guy in Tennessee gets hurt. I can't remember his name. Derrick Henry. Thank you.


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[Assistant] I would, I would take a kicker in every round just to be able to be a bad boy.


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[Assistant] Oh, I, I was, have you had one? I was diagnosed with celiac, even though I just eat around the gluten. Yeah, I have celiac, but I don't do anything about it. I just eat around the gluten and everything.


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[Assistant] But I've had like four or five of these friggin' things. Oh, they're brutal, bro. And my psychotic doctor does like a two day clean out. Two days. Listen, they, you know what?


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[Assistant] Well, we opened up the North, and he tried to use his name to get his boat in the water first. You know, that sounds like abuse of power. I'll take notes. And a dumb one at that.


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[Assistant] Do you have something on you? No. It just means we're taking liquor out of the hands of our government and giving it to the people. That is the coolest version of Robin Hood I've ever heard. Also, liquored up politician sounds like fun. We tried to pass a law like that.


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[Assistant] But with weed, you tried to weed out your politicians? Yeah, uh, no? I really don't know what you just said.


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[Assistant] I want to visit so bad, but I am terrified of any mountains not named space, splash, or big thunder. You want terrifying? A wild turkey jumped through someone's window the other day. Ooh, did he say, oh yeah, like the Kool-Aid man? No, it's a turkey. It just gobbled. They're kind of everywhere right now. Ooh, do I hear hunting? Hunting? Hunting.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think, I think the Bangles helmet really was a catalyst to what they were doing.


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[Assistant] He mentioned it to the, you know, to some of the kids that he coached basketball and baseball, little kids.


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[Assistant] I wanted to see another series. I can see why.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I can see why Stefanski kinda pulled him a little bit. I can look at it and say, okay, it was a little bit above the bad weather.


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[Assistant] Yeah, way too many. Especially in shotgun. Like if you're going to be in a shotgun, give me a play action or something. Give me something. But I, you know what, I thought he looked, he looked pretty good. I, the thing that I was impressed about that I liked


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[Assistant] Wasn't just him throwing the ball and completing the passes.


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[Assistant] And I just liked the play calling and the flow of the offense before then. It looked like he was a guy that was like, okay, yeaah, I'm comfortable now.


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[Assistant] For himself in that locker room for the team. To say, okay, we'll punt on that one.


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[Assistant] Oh, I would, I would play- You wanna see him too, don't you? I would play him three quarters against the Chiefs. Yeah, we need to see him. Like, I need you, like to be truthful, that game would do more for him, his skill set, his confidence, and the team's confidence. Because, let's see, like, and this is in the back of people's minds, people don't ever think about this. Baker used to look good against the Chiefs.


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[Assistant] Baker used to look good against the Chiefs. So you wanna see if you say you back?


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[Assistant] We want to see how you match up against Patrick Mahomes. We want to see how you look at Arrowhead, because this is where we want to be at. This is the game, right here. That's the art stick. In the AFC, they are still the art stick. They are. We might have to go through this team at the same place about eight months from now, right here in the Arrowhead. And Andy will likely play his


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, I take a look, for me, I'm, I still don't, I don't like that, man. I just, I would like to see him against Philadelphia.


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[Assistant] Like, like, I understand. What we see of him in practice won't be enough for you? You know, see, this is, I'm starting to think of it like this a little bit differently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every, people is telling me that these is, these is the great practice reps and, and this is, this is really gonna be what it's like. They get much better work, they get way better work and practice than what they're doing in a situation. And I'm like this to me, I'm like, I don't believe that.


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[Assistant] Because it's a different pace when you're in practice. There is never, you're never going to get what you got out of practice with a coach sitting there blowing a whistle early. That's not a situation that you're dealing with. I get that you're saying that you guys are going to get some good work in and do your thing, but at the end of the day,


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[Assistant] I just don't believe playing 7 on 7 against a different team. Yes, it's better than playing against your own guys, but it is not the same level as reading, throwing, guys


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[Assistant] Garbage around your, your feet, especially when you're dealing with up front. Up front it's like,


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[Assistant] Alright, we're gonna go two steps, we're gonna brother-in-law this thing, we're not gonna, we're not gonna try to hurt nobody. But there is no substitute for game reps when you talk about the speed of the game. And I get what you're saying, but I still, I still would put him in a couple series. I'm just, I'm just, this is me.


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[Assistant] Do you guys think, would you be upset if the Eagles play their guys and the Browns don't?


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[Assistant] It absolutely was a bombshell. It was unexpected.


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[Assistant] First, from a scientific standpoint, we didn't realize that this could be done quite so easily. It meant that


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[Assistant] In places where water and sanitation was poor, where there was going to be lots of bacteria sitting next to each other, that you could have very rapid spread of resistance information across unrelated bacteria, uh, just out there in the environment, which is a hugely greater risk than if it were only to happen within the bodies of patients who had, uh, these infections.


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[Assistant] And so we learned later that was Klebsiella pneumoniae carbapenemase, and that's a mouthful. But we really didn't know what that meant.


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[Assistant] Had monitors here reminding us to wash our hands. Built a whole wall up.


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[Assistant] In, in the other side, we moved every patient in the ICU, completely cleaned it, moved patients back in, uhm.


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[Assistant] We felt responsible for, we are responsible for the patients. You go into a room and maybe there's a hole in your glove.


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[Assistant] Did I forget to wash my hands between Mr. X and Mrs. Y? Is that why Mrs. Y got KPC?


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[Assistant] Look at him. Do you really think this man murdered these women?


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[Assistant] I-I think I should stay, at least until he's... out of the woods.


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[Assistant] He knows what it means. It's just been an unusual couple of days.


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[Assistant] I will. He'll need rest, I assume.


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[Assistant] You had us worried there for a while.


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[Assistant] You, uh, you stopped breathing, you know, when you passed out or, or died, I guess.


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[Assistant] The crooked man came out of the shadows for a reason. For him to attack us so blatantly like that. He either feels invincible or desperate.


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[Assistant] So he called my bluff. It's not like I'm gonna let Bloody Mary just murder- It was a split-second decision, and I don't care how it looked.


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[Assistant] It can't just be about Crane, right? Getting him out of town? Is this all about the murders?


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[Assistant] The Crooked Man declared war against us last night. At least that's what I thought when it happened.


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[Assistant] But now I see this war has been going on for years. We just haven't noticed it because our way of doing things is broken. We need to do things the right way.


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[Assistant] We haven't been doing a good job. You and I.


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[Assistant] So, starting now, we do everything cut and dried, by the book, straight as an arrow.


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[Assistant] This town has enough monsters. What happened last night, what you turned into, it can't happen again.


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[Assistant] Colin, if I really believed that we needed him to lose his flippin' mind at a moment's notice...


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[Assistant] Then that would mean I'd lost all faith in our ability to help this town.


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[Assistant] You think I don't know what it's like to have my life in danger? To not be pushed to do things? I know what it's like.


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[Assistant] And I know what it's like to lie to yourself. To justify what you've done. So don't talk to me like I'm other people.


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[Assistant] I'm going to let you do it, okay? It's just that now that I'm deputy mayor, I need your respect.


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[Assistant] And this situation has to end.


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[Assistant] All unglamored fables starting today have to go and stay at the farm.


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[Assistant] It's been the rule for a reason, Colin. And Bigby knows it's for the best of the town. It keeps everybody out of trouble.


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[Assistant] Okay, I'll let him know. Thanks. Guess who's waiting in your office right now.


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[Assistant] Yes. Apparently she told Buffkin that she has something she needs to talk to you about. But that she'll only tell you. And what do you think that could be?


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[Assistant] I should get back to the business office. I've left Buffkin alone for too long taking calls.


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[Assistant] And I should probably change out of these clothes. Consider the discussion tabled but not over. Let me know when you're done with Nerissa.


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[Assistant] Sorry, I just need to talk to the Sheriff for a moment. Please excuse us. One minute.


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[Assistant] So about Beauty and Beast, do you think there's something to it? Is this the right place to look? What could they know about the Crooked Man? Or do you think they just heard about last night, and they're scared about what's been going on?


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[Assistant] And she said that meant she'd have to go somewhere else.


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[Assistant] We need to solve this before something else happens. Who knows what.


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[Assistant] Ugh, finally. Things are swinging back in the right direction. Good work, Bigby. You've been gone all day. What did you uncover? I thought you were going to report back to me. I mean, it's fine.


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[Assistant] Go talk to Toad, but just so you know, we can't pay him. He really needs to go to the farm, you know. So just break the news and be done with it, okay?


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[Assistant] Well, at least he's not trying to get rid of me. He's not? For now. Did you take care of Toad? I mean, I saw the way he left.


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[Assistant] I know it may not seem that important right now, but glamors are the law for a very good reason. You know that as well as anyone.


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[Assistant] Are you sure? Because he left looking pretty happy.


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[Assistant] I know I should be asking how it got like this, but I just keep wondering why it happened to Faith and Lily.


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[Assistant] I don't know if the crooked man killed them with his own hand or if it was one of his goons, but someone did.


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[Assistant] Mirror, mirror, we're glad you weren't slain. Now please show us that sick creep crane.


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[Assistant] Bigby, wait. When you get the crooked man, make sure you bring him back alive. He has to stand trial. This can't be like it was with Tweedledum.


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[Assistant] I don't care if it gets out of hand, you don't let it come to that. I know that emotions can run high, and you have your reasons to handle this a certain way.


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[Assistant] If people are going to have faith in the Fabletown government again, we need to be fair. Show them that we're doing things the right way.


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[Assistant] I have enough to worry about here while I prepare the case against him. So I'm going to trust you to handle this properly. That is, if you think you're ready.


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[Assistant] If you walked up to a typical Wall Street trader and you say, hey, is there insider trading at SAC Capital going on?


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[Assistant] If you talk to people on the street, they would say that's the type of place where you learn about insider trading in all its, all its capacity.


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[Assistant] They always existed. They were just much more sleepy before I would say 1998, 99, and that's when they started exploding.


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[Assistant] Banks, because you give them so much trading commissions, tell you about market information before the rest of the world. Now that has been considered legal. How in the hell is that legal?


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[Assistant] You know, markets are based on rumors all the time. You know, where do you draw the line between me misappropriating, getting someone to tell me what Apple's earnings are or


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[Assistant] My sources in the market are saying Apple's gonna knock it out of the park. You know what I'm saying? It's a market. People talk. But the bottom line is SAC, because of its size and how much it trades, gets first dibs on that information.


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[Assistant] 50% of the profits. And then he returns, even after that, like 30, 40, 50, 60%.


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[Assistant] Yes. And it averaged for many years 30% after expenses.


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[Assistant] In the past they did it for mafia guys, they did it for drug dealers, obviously terrorism, but since the wiretap act was passed in the late 60s, that was basically it. Now we've got them going after white collar criminals with wiretaps.


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[Assistant] I misappropriated the information directly from the company.


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[Assistant] To the, uh, to the hedge fund trader. The hedge fund trader is paying a lot of money. You know, they want to know more than theoretical and sort of, you know, intuition. They want to know what could move a stock.


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[Assistant] She was someone that, you know, would demand payment. You know, she was kind of a, described as a high maintenance person.


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[Assistant] I think what's interesting is how many hoops people go to to get the information. I mean, you would think some guy from SAC Capital would say, you want a lobster? You know, off. You know what I'm saying? But no. She got the lobsters.


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[Assistant] Because she was giving him what he needed, which was inside information.


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[Assistant] And twenty percent of any profits. Cohen charged three and fifty, meaning three percent of assets under management and fifty percent of any gains. And the reason he could get away with it is really, really simple. His track record, his performance were amazing and everybody wanted in.


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[Assistant] And if Cohen likes one of your ideas and puts it in his portfolio, then you get a percentage of his profits as well. So if you were a cynic, you would say the incentive for people at SAC is to do whatever they can to make money. And Cohen doesn't have to know about it.


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[Assistant] Through an expert network, Martoma cultivated a doctor who was involved in the clinical development of a very important drug for Alzheimer's that was being developed by two companies, Alon and Wyatt.


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[Assistant] In the days before the results of the clinical trial are due, Martoma allegedly gets a PowerPoint from Dr. Sidney Gilman, revealing some really bad news about these drugs.


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[Assistant] Initially do most of the talking. We, we tell them, we're, we're not just here to tell you that you're in trouble. I wanna help you. Make it clear to that person that, you know, this isn't gonna go away.


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[Assistant] The message that we want to get across is this is a serious situation. You know, your life is never going to be the same again.


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[Assistant] This was a combination of the amount of work that we put into it.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but the other side, the bigger side for me was that based in part because of the galleon investigation,


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[Assistant] We still had tremendous amount of work to do. So it wasn't...


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[Assistant] We made the arrest. Now it's over. It was. We made the arrest. Okay. Now we continue.


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[Assistant] If those guys, if those guys don't wanna come to camp.


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[Assistant] It don't take much for guys to get ready up front if you just gonna have them rush to pass her. I just think in the end


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[Assistant] Now this position, to me, I'm more scared about this one than those two. Uhm, yesterday, uh,


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[Assistant] These guys, okay, they'll get, you have, say it's a scope. I know it ain't no tour in ACL. I know it's either a meniscus or something where they gotta clean it up. That's four to six weeks. I've had like ten of those, right? I know what it is. As long as they can get the swelling out, that's cool and they can come start gradually getting back to work. However,


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[Assistant] I don't like skilled position guys with the hamstring. Them things, if you get it in camp,


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[Assistant] The only thing that you can do with a hamstring is rest it. He's gonna be counting on to get carries behind uh, Nick Chubb. You don't even wanna give Nick Chubb those carries. Now it's time where I might have to actually say, okay,


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[Assistant] Big Nuggets, go ahead real quick before we get into a deep drawn out conversation.


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[Assistant] Not very much, but you know, when you look at it, if you're the only rookie that's getting significant minutes amongst guys that are all pro candidates, then it makes your job a lot easier, right? I agree with that, that's true.


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[Assistant] I'll go to this. I don't know if you guys missed it. Like, this was, I think cleveland.com had this. Uhm, and I don't know if it's on the internet, so I don't know if you can pull it up, but.


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[Assistant] He had a really good play, uh, in the scrimmage. Hurst or Ica? Ica. Oh. He, he pretty much was the reason why they, they, they stopped him on fourth down.


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[Assistant] Uhm, he was getting double teamed and he just knocked the guard in the backfield. The other guy had no angle to kind of down block on him. He not only did that, he locked out, he got Rashad to blocker and was in on the tackle on the fourth down and won. And it just goes to show you.


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[Assistant] Uhm, what, what a guy that big. He's gonna play some, he's gonna play some significant snaps. Uhm, the goal for the Browns is to, to, you know, their platoon up front is like, uh, you know, people have a, you know, you watch the A-Team, right?


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[Assistant] Is he was saving his, his mental aspect. Like, because you gotta think about it. People, the natural perception is, we're hard on Jed Wills.


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[Assistant] And so Bill Callahan has to build him up a little more because when you gotta do, like,


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[Assistant] Like, oh boy, Dwayne Jones is caving down the whole side of the line.


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[Assistant] Like this, I mean, you can't teach size and strength and footwork. So now he has to kind of be like,


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[Assistant] Aha, okay. Because he left the senior bowl early, like he just did the pass rush drills and said I'm not going to play in the game, because he felt like he showed what he can do in the individual and didn't really want to get hurt.


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[Assistant] To me, I think there's just a lot, there's a lot of, that's why the NFL is good, and everybody has parity, because some people,


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[Assistant] A lot of people miss with a lot of people. Like, there's a lot of misses and like,


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[Assistant] Like, when there's two tight ends, I'm gonna take one tight and we'll put him right in there and you know where we runnin' the ball at that point.


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[Assistant] You know, uh, you know, shout out to Ricky Rubio. Uhm, you know, you never want to see people go through certain situations. Uhm, you know, hopefully he, uh, you know, take care of his mental health and, you know, he's a good, uh, good solid pro, good locker room guy. But.


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[Assistant] I think one of the things that Ricky Rubio is dealing with is, you gotta remember, he's had, he's already torn his ACL once. The second ACL is different, right? And he's in his thirties.


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[Assistant] I couldn't imagine tearing an ACL. I mean I partially tore my achilles and it was just, it was rough. Like trying to rehab because you don't, you're not young, you don't have that same sort of exuberance and you know exactly what's in front of you as far as rehab and you talking about you trying to play basketball guarding people off the dribble.


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[Assistant] With that being said though, I think The Cavs is in a surprisingly


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[Assistant] I mean, the guys that they brought in. Ty Jerome is a guy who, like you, I was yelling at my TV. Can't nobody stop!


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[Assistant] Porter, Porter is nice. You look at it, see stuff in the stat sheet. Six, six, uh, six rebounds, seven assists or something like that.


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[Assistant] Uh, his three point numbers look terrible, but I mean I don't know what kind of sample size that was. But I liked him, you know, immediately when they signed him the first time. But I, I'ma tell you what, I'ma go with this. Sam Merrill.


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[Assistant] You know why I like Mero? It's because.


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[Assistant] He is a bonafide knockdown shooter. I mean...


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[Assistant] He, when it go up, you think it's going in every single time. And I need a dude like that. I need a dude that will keep pulling up.


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[Assistant] You're like, oh goodness, that's that Steph Curry heart attack. I hope he don't hit it. He better not hit that.


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[Assistant] But it was like, yo, it was like, I think with DTR, uh, he's gonna have to, like, he would have to be like, Jordan Love. He gotta like, like, if they try to make him the incumbent,


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[Assistant] Like, that's when I'll start saying he's Imani Pace. Like, when they say-


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[Assistant] They're gonna hand the keys to DTR and everybody knows it. Then you could be him. You could be a mighty father.


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[Assistant] Because what you can do is, you can just give him a bunch of information, he'll retain it. He's so smart. He might be one of those guys.


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[Assistant] Dang, we so stupid. The greatest backup of all time is Jimmy G. But he's masquerading as a starter. He is a, he is the supreme level of a backup because he's like, dang, Jimmy G. Alex Smith was a good backup too. He was, he was. He's so, he's so good that he


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[Assistant] But Tim, you have to, because Tim Couch, like, when Kelly Hogan was playing, it was so messed up, it was a different playbook.


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[Assistant] Kelly Holcomb would get in the game and they got all these receivers and formations. Tim Couch get in and they'd be like, where's these players at? Kelly Holcomb went to Pittsburgh in a playoff game in the snow.


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[Assistant] I put it in a montage of a video I just did. Oh, did you? And...


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[Assistant] Uhm, then they, then they punished Josh Cribbs. They, they, they, they ended his Wildcat career. Because they was like, oh, we can helmet to helmet hit you outside of the box. Like, you're, you're a runner, you're not defenseless. And they was just like, and then when Antonio Brown karate kicked the punter.


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[Assistant] They're like, oh, you gotta miss this APNX game.


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[Assistant] You know, it's very rare that you see the Guardians or the Indians back in the past have any sort of


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[Assistant] I guess, weak moments, right? Moments of vulnerability.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I thought one of those moments was last week when, uhm, you know, the front office had to go explain, you know, what they were thinking in terms of the future, right now, players, why certain players were moved.


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[Assistant] Uhm, you know, when that happens, it's very rare for this group of people, especially the front office, because they always seem to make the right move.


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[Assistant] Uhm, even when it comes to top names like Lindor, top names like Sabathia we talked about, they've always been able to replace those guys, and so you really can't fault them, and fault them in what they're doing and moving.


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[Assistant] Uhm, what was your thought process, uhm, when you heard that they had to go talk to the team, uhm, and, and is that something that, you know, that was a hard call because they usually don't make moves like that.


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[Assistant] Aw, thank you. I do have an off-kilter question to ask, because I always ask her, because I'm thinking about trying to be a parent. Uhm, so, at what age...


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[Assistant] Uhm, at what age do uhm, you, you let your kids wear their own clothes? Do they, do your kids right now pick out the outfit for the, like, do they just get up and be like, yeah I'm gonna wear this, or are they still in the mode where they just try to run things back?


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[Assistant] She's like, yeah, I'll catch you week five. Don't rush it. Uh, what would you do with that situation or how do you think they're going to handle it too?


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[Assistant] I'll let you go. Being Bull, like, uh, I don't have no ill will. I think the best part of the show is that we can present different things out in the open. I know Bull personally. I've had meals with him. We talk off the air, online, whatever the case may be.


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[Assistant] And I never, my relationship doesn't change over anything like that. Uhm, uh, you know, reflection is a good thing and it just shows that.


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[Assistant] Bull, a lot of people think that he's not open minded, but for him to read that shows he is open minded about a lot of different things and always reflecting.


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[Assistant] This is not your scene, Lieutenant. Just pay your specs and move on, please.


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[Assistant] Sergeant. Look, I'm just following Captain's orders here. You know the procedure when a family member is g- Yeah.


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[Assistant] MB&A's profits last year, one and a half times that of McDonald's.


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[Assistant] And it was costing Citibank 20% for money and you were only getting 12% back? Certainly. Because of the limit on interest? Yes.


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[Assistant] We've asked for interviews with all the major credit card companies.


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[Assistant] MB&A's profits last year, one and a half times that of McDonald's.


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[Assistant] Can you imagine living without a credit card in this society?


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[Assistant] People in the industry tell us that revolvers, people who borrow money basically with their credit card, that's where the profits are.


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[Assistant] How much credit card debt is the average American family carrying?


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[Assistant] Do you remember when the interest rates started to rise?


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[Assistant] Give me an idea of, from the time you got involved, late 70s, with credit cards, the ideas, the innovations that you've come up with.


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[Assistant] You were able to explain that it was people making low payments who were the most profitable.


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[Assistant] By the way, while you were running up balances on your credit cards, or currently have balances on your credit cards, do you have cash in the bank?


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[Assistant] So even though you're paying double digit interest,


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[Assistant] And you could get rid of the balance, or most of it, you're gonna still make those payments and keep the cash in your bank account.


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[Assistant] You know your credit score? You're not aware that you have a credit score?


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[Assistant] So if I said to you the words FICO score, do you know what a FICO score is?


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[Assistant] When I get a credit card, there's a contract that goes along with it.


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[Assistant] What kind of contract is this? Because I never read it. Have you ever read it when it came to you?


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[Assistant] It says that I'm guaranteed the terms of the loan for as long as I have the card.


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[Assistant] Have you ever read the contract that sent you with your credit card?


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[Assistant] Also may vary if you are in default under this agreement or any other agreement that you have with us or any other related companies.


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[Assistant] The contract allows a credit card company to change the interest rate on money you borrow from them after you've borrowed it.


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[Assistant] Is it fair to change the price of the deal after the fact?


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[Assistant] The fees are meant as a penalty to make sure that you pay on time. Or are they a profit stream?


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[Assistant] They can change the interest rate relationship that you have with them with 15 days notice. So that's a major source of profit for them. And the fees are now no longer regulated.


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[Assistant] So that they could charge late fees and they could charge overdraft fees and in a sense


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[Assistant] The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency is the main federal agency that takes complaints. Did they come to your assistance?


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[Assistant] Had you ever heard of the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency?


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[Assistant] The San Francisco District Attorney says to us that they were told, you don't have real jurisdiction, we have real jurisdiction. And indicated to them that they might want to get out of the case.


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[Assistant] What they're telling us is that the OCC only got involved once this whole situation became public. That prior to the news publicity that they were responsible for, they had no contact with the OCC.


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[Assistant] The state attorneys general, Mr. Spitzer and others say that people in our state know who we are. We have a consumer complaint office. And our beef is, is that you guys, the OCC, want to push them out of the business of consumer complaints.


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[Assistant] Why don't you simply stop them? Why don't you ban these practices?


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[Assistant] The Better Business Bureau tells us credit cards and banking and credit cards together, number one. Problem.


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[Assistant] But you don't tell people how much that might cost you if you stuck to that minimum payment.


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[Assistant] Do you know if you made the minimum payment, for instance on your bill, how long it would take you to pay it off?


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[Assistant] I'm not in a hurry to find out, I'm just gonna pay it off. Would you like to know? Sure. Curious, yea.


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[Assistant] Why haven't you or other lawmakers been able to put some regulation into place? Is it their political power?


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[Assistant] Your critics say that you block every attempt to pass industry reform or consumer protection legislation. You've blocked minimum monthly payment legislation, interest cap rates, and a ban on marketing to college students.


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[Assistant] Do you ever reflect on the fact that in it?


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[Assistant] This great success, which has been a great benefit to your state.


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[Assistant] At the same time has helped create a way of borrowing money, spending money that may have gotten out of control.


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[Assistant] And if you are lending money at 12% and paying 20%


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[Assistant] So we made a study of the five states that had either no usury law or very high amounts. One of them was South Dakota.


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[Assistant] Don't go far, Sheriff. I'd like to have a few words of my own with you. Don't worry. We'll talk soon. You can count on it.


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[Assistant] I've just made my donation funding this office, so direct your questions to Ms. White.


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[Assistant] Why have moved up $2.03 to $58.41? There's great optimism about the success of the drug.


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[Assistant] Our first priority is your safety. Right after profit. But safety's number two. Your aircraft is equipped with eight emergency exit doors. But to keep costs down, four of them are painted on. Which ones? That's the fun.


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[Assistant] When seated, keep your seatbelt fastened in the event of unexpected turbulence or unexpected nose dives because our flight software runs on Windows 98. Woop! There she goes again.


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[Assistant] Right. And it came up because I heard G on my old show talking about it with Dustin and Nick.


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[Assistant] I was, I was honestly stressed. I care about Mike so much. When he, when he told me he was flying through Turkey, I was stressed about it. I was like, Turkey's not very safe country.


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[Assistant] Which is amazing that they put that out so quick. Uh, yeaah, I mean, listen, I know one of the questions is,


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, they had to like, they had to walk him out of there because he, you know, and then he didn't play yesterday, obviously. Uh, but it was a good fight. I'll tell you this.


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[Assistant] He had his neck, he had his neck, whatever that, I can't tell who that is. Was it Zach Remillard? No, I think it was the pitcher. It's Kopek. Oh, that's Kopek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you know, you know, after that, things still got heated again. It was like a second round. It took like 20 minutes, didn't it? And the White Sox manager got ejected. Frank Kona's been ejected like five games in a row or something. He's trying to light a fire. He's trying to light a fire. And I think he made


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[Assistant] Yesterday, so the White Sox traded a journeyman relief pitcher named Keenan Middleton to the Yankees.


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[Assistant] He says there's no rules there. Everybody does whatever they want. He's like, there was a rookie pitcher who fell asleep in the, in the bullpen. Guys don't go to meetings. He said he couldn't believe it. He said when he said he didn't because he had a beard and obviously he had to shave his beard when he went to the Yankees. He was like,


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[Assistant] They should blow up that team, but that's, you know, whatever. It's a disaster. It is.


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[Assistant] And Jose was pissed because Jose had his postgame presser, you know, talking through the interpreter said that, uh, he had, Tim Anderson disrespects the game. Basically he has a reputation of being a little overzealous on his tags.


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[Assistant] I think he's saying, he's saying that he's gonna go after him again. There's gonna be another fight. Yeah, but, and is there something bigger? Like what? What could be bigger? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Supposedly Le'Veon Bell and Vontez Berfick might be fighting.


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[Assistant] Down goes Anderson! And it wasn't like it was a situation where he was fighting Aaron Judge, who's 6'7", 300. He was bigger! Yes!


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[Assistant] By the way, are you playing the Immaculate Grid by the way? Are you doing this? No. You don't know what this is?


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[Assistant] How do you, you're the only person who doesn't know what this is. What is it? So there's this new thing called the Immaculate Grid. They have it for all sports. It started with baseball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's three, it's, it's three columns and three, uh, it's like three and three. Is it betting? No, no, no, no betting. Okay. So on the top row, it'll say like, for example, Cubs, Guardians, and then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, today I did it in my fastest time, 2 minutes and 12 seconds. What was it today, do you remember? The top was Cubs.


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[Assistant] In general, fighting in sports is a bad thing. You don't want guys, I, I enjoyed this. You don't want it to become any kind of regular thing. It's not a good example, except for kids, you know, who are watching the games. I'm with you. I enjoyed it in the moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, in a bizarre thing, so I was watching the Cubs Braves game yesterday, right?


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[Assistant] And Ronald Acuna got hit by a pitch and stared out to the mound. You say, well, okay, that's not a big deal. The bases were loaded. The pitcher would never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I don't even remember, but it hit him in the butt. I mean, but I, I think when you just got hit and he was pissed and then, and then he realized, oh. When you get hit. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's embarrassed. You can tell he didn't really want to go to the mound.


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[Assistant] By the way, I saw in person, I may have mentioned it, I may have not, I don't remember, the greatest brawl ever. It was in a ball between the Batavia Muck Dogs and the Williamsport Crosscutters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was the greatest brawl ever. Included in this brawl were Muck Dogs manager Frank Klebe and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Williamsport Crosscutters manager, who I think was former big leaguer Curtis Wilkerson, I believe you remember him. Alright, they squared up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the batter's box. Wow. And we're punching each other. The managers. The managers were punching everybody. First of all, the minor leagues is only two umpires.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so it was, and then Marlon Bird, who played the end of his career for the, for the, for the Indians, remember Marlon Bird played big leagues a long time, he chased the guy down the first base line. The guy was so scared, he ran into the clubhouse. Good lord. It was bunkers.


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[Assistant] I should try to, I don't have any, but it might be somewhere. By the way, the whole thing started, nobody, most people would know this, whatever. The whole thing started because one of the guys on one team, I can't remember which one, uh, hit on a girlfriend of a guy on the other team. That's how the whole thing started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw one early 80s at Shea Stadium between the Cubs and Mets that was really good too. Oh wow. Ed Lynch was the pitcher.


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[Assistant] Final thought, real quick, in 5 seconds. The Guardians are probably not going to be worth talking about for the next few weeks.


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[Assistant] I think he was very emotional and it was, you know, I mean that's, you never know how you're gonna react to that. Joe is so smooth all the time that I think because he wasn't maybe as smooth as he always is.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but this was such a moment. I love that his wife and his kids were involved. It was so cool. It was so on brand for Joe. By the way, have you seen the pictures of his, what's his son's name? Jack maybe?


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[Assistant] Yep. Yeah, he's got, I shouldn't say he because zero percent is full. But his winning, the winning percentage of the Browns when he played games for them is the lowest winning percentage of any player in the Hall of Fame.


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[Assistant] You think about it, and they actually put, he had some good offensive linemen around him during his time with the Browns, but if you look at quarterback, running back, wide receiver, and tight end that played with Joe, he never played with a special court, he never even played with an average quarterback.


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[Assistant] He, the only special wide receiver he ever played with was Josh Gordon.


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[Assistant] And that's at the end of his career. And then tight end, he never played with anybody special. So, I mean, it's, you know, you've talked about this a million times, uh, they've just...


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[Assistant] And that's what we're talking about now to some degree. Now they've got Petonio who's probably, he has a chance to be Hall of Famer. Miles Garrett has a chance to be Hall of Famer. Nick Chubb has a chance to be Hall of Famer. They gotta win with these guys because they didn't win with Chell. They never went to the playoffs with him!


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[Assistant] One playoff run so far. Now again, we got a couple of years to go. No, listen. I know, but. They could go to the Super Bowl this year if everything goes well. And then it would be fine. But for now, to this point in time, it's been wasted. Don't have three Hall of Famers going.


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[Assistant] I can't remember now cause Aaron said something to me the other day and I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, dad, G and Anthony would understand. I can't remember what it was.


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[Assistant] He said, why don't they take that game away from Canton and go to Pittsburgh?


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[Assistant] All the people that say stupid stuff like that have never spent time here because I know I have a lot of friends and my wife has a lot of friends that had never been to Cleveland before they met us or Northeast Ohio. I know we're talking about Canton and every single friend and family member that's come to visit has said


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, you guys got such a great life here. What a great place to live. I have a friend I worked with in New York for a long time by the name of Peter Schwartz.


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[Assistant] Sucks when that happens. He was 4th all time in interceptions when he retired. And when did he retire? Like 84 I think, 83. And he still tied for 5th to this day.


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[Assistant] He still cheated at the time. Listen, I would, I would, they should have just banned him from being part of baseball and let him go in the Hall of Fame.


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[Assistant] He was tremendous. He was, but since my assumption, it's obviously a good choice.


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[Assistant] My, since my assumption is that Watson's going to play as well as Andrew Luck played this year, cause he has in the past, then I would take a guy from a spot that I don't have a great player, and I'd take Halodinata, who I think is a...


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[Assistant] Right, but he will be, and uh, he was the ultimate run stopper. I mean, he was great.


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[Assistant] He works hard, he's gonna be in great shape. I think Nick Chubb has three more elite seasons he's a Hall of Hammer.


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[Assistant] And I know Joe Mixon's not as good as Nick Chubb, but...


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[Assistant] Give us what the, the guys, the guys they've already done, tell us where they should have been and then start with the lowest ranked guy that we haven't done yet, right? And that is what we will do. Okay. Starting today. But can we, can you tell us where those guys should have been that they screwed up?


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[Assistant] So you, there was already a mistake made, but okay, that's by you guys. No, those two were right, we did those. No, but it's a mistake, cause Jordan Aiken should be in the top 32, but go ahead.


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[Assistant] Okay, Kayd York 15, Delpid 16, and Oud 17?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. I think those guys are all more important than DPJ, but whatever.


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[Assistant] The Browns are in trouble. By the way, secretly, we don't know this, we'll get to it later, uh, Anthony apparently had Austin Hedges 8th on this list.


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[Assistant] Throw the ball at a higher clip than they ever have, I think.


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[Assistant] Like, like people say he's not a good pass catcher. He did. Well, I don't think it's fair to say now in the playoff game against the Chiefs, he did drop a couple of passes in that one. Yeah. If you remember.


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[Assistant] of running back touches than ever, in my opinion.


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[Assistant] Good, he should. That's what we've been arguing for. But for the second guy, I'm not convinced, like, Ford is gonna be the flat-out second guy and there's nobody else. No, I think he will be the primary second guy, but I think there will be other guys who will get an opportunity. This kid, Kelly, has been with the Browns. I think John, right? Is it John Kelly?


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[Assistant] He's been around for a while. Like, he's a bigger back. I could see him, like, I could see them doing a thing where like, you know, once, uh, one time in a half, they, they make him the first second down back to give Nick Chubb a breather. I could see that, him getting some Gary. Or maybe there's somebody out of left field right now.


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[Assistant] No. But part of the reason I wouldn't trade for him is that I could just sign Dalvin Cook. And I don't have to give up anything.


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[Assistant] I think teams want Cook, but he's probably asking for more money than anybody's willing to give him. Whereas Zeke and Kareem Hunt, who knows? I mean, Kareem Hunt, we finally heard something about him. He's working out for the Saints today.


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[Assistant] By the way, you know Xavier P on Twitter? He wants to bet me that Justin Fields is going to have a better year than Trevor Lawrence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you just make up a word? Chamultuous? Chamultuous is the... I thought you said chamultuous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of which. At your own risk. Listen, toilet paper's disgusting. I hate, I use dude wipes. But, you know what I'm having installed as we speak? What? A bidet.


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[Assistant] Are you really? Well, it's not quite- You look like a bidet guy. So a bidet is like an entire toilet. Yeaah. This is, what I, what I'm having installed is called a washlet. It's, it's, it's just attached- A combination of a toilet. It's attached, it's a new seat for your current toilet, and there's a sprayer.


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[Assistant] I got a remote control bro to move.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a water line like right under the- it's right under the back part of the seat and it sprays up into your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is some tainted water. Beautiful. I don't have to use toilet paper anymore. Who's installing this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, my next door neighbor owns a plumbing company.


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[Assistant] It's been, it's been long enough. I, I, I think these complaints by Mike, you're sounding very much like me. You're being a real crumbudgeon.


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[Assistant] For more on this and other Frontline programs, visit our website at pbs.org.


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[Assistant] Frontline's To Catch a Traitor is available on DVD. To order, visit shoppbs.org or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS. Frontline is also available for download on iTunes.


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[Assistant] That shit changed my motherfuckin' life. Look where I'm at now. I got the baby on my lap.


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[Assistant] Yeaah man, that shit, uh, we linked up and that shit just history ever since, you feel me? Mhm. We've done a lot that I feel like no one has done and we making moves that, that no one, no one has made for someone like me, you feel me? Facts. And we just gonna keep doing it. We gonna keep breaking barriers and making history.


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[Assistant] Listen, hashtag worst aunt ever, but I will tell you that she did then come on to one of the media outlets and say that she needed, she was injured obviously, and wanted to sue her homeowners association, but had to, or homeowners insurance, and had to name him as the party and felt bad about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Destructive. Was so destructive.


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[Assistant] I mentioned General Walker, who deserved criticism because he was a racist, a retired general, ultra right-wing, and who had just a few, a little time before.


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[Assistant] Uhm, talked to students at the University of Mississippi who then got so agitated that they shot and killed some reporters.


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[Assistant] In hindsight, I probably may have given Lee Harvey Oswald the idea to go after General Walker. I certainly didn't tell him to take the law in his own hand, not at all.


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[Assistant] Ain't no water, ain't no water right there. What's up, man? Okay, there we go, mom. Hey, let's see, we're gonna call you Young Clutch. YC. YC, what you got?


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[Assistant] Yes, uhm, I had gotten a letter from MB&A several months ago that my rate was going to be increased.


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[Assistant] They told me the first time that my rate had been raised because they found


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[Assistant] An occasion back in 1998 when I'd gone 60 days past due on a competitor's credit card and I asked them what in the world does that have to do with MBNA, especially being six years ago. I said that has nothing to do with my account here. I mean that absolutely took my breath away.


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[Assistant] I was a great customer at MBNA. Always paid my balances on time. Paid more than the minimum balance. You know, many times paying it down completely. But I was, I was never late and I used the card in a wise and responsible manner.


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[Assistant] They may say it's good business for their financial bottom line, but it is a very poor way to treat a customer.


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[Assistant] One of our contractors ran a search for the hackers in the Merlot job. You're assigned Aiden Pearce. Take him out. Hit the family if you need to. This guy's hacking days are dumb.


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[Assistant] I miss you too. I'll be there. Sorry Nick, I need to take this. I'll see you soon.


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[Assistant] Let what? Yeah, the call's breaking up. I can't hear you.


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[Assistant] Ms. Tucci? I'm Dr. Hyatt with the Chicago General Hospital.


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[Assistant] We received your Uncle Angela's blood work, but you're the only number he gave us. Do you know where we can reach him? It's urgent.


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[Assistant] No one needs to know about this conversation.


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[Assistant] I'm setting up an ambush. Need you to bring me some explosives. Can you do that?


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[Assistant] Yeah, Bedbug's on board and waiting for my call. Let's talk about the access card Iraq was wearing. That's our only way into his room.


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[Assistant] What do you have nearby? My guess? This'll be a short trip. There's another drop for another pickup.


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[Assistant] Clara, if I'm stealing his identity, I can't have him around.


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[Assistant] This is Aiden, Jack's uncle. I wanna make sure things are going okay there.


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[Assistant] She's still working things out. She just needs a little more time.


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[Assistant] I gotta get Poppy out of this place. Call Infinite 92, pretend you're Crispin's assistant. Tell them I insist that Poppy be delivered to me at the auction.


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[Assistant] There's a big shootout going on at the Barros and Brandon Docks.


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[Assistant] There's a bar near Rossi Freeman. I'm leaving something in the trash. It's a wire. Go get it.


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[Assistant] His name's Raymond Kenny, an old CTOS developer. He's in Pawnee, I'm heading there now.


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[Assistant] There is no other way. You want this done, you need to get off my back and let me do it.


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[Assistant] Listen, I'm running on a limited time here. Faster we can get this out of the way.


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[Assistant] So basically, the chopper's gonna lead us to the security chief.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well let's thin their numbers then. You tracking any of their truck deliveries? Of course I am. Send me the routes and let me make some noise.


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[Assistant] In a sec, a name came up on the server of someone I know is in the building. I'm gonna check it out.


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[Assistant] A corrupt Chicago mayor. That's a surprise.


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[Assistant] If we're caught, you don't say anything. Right now I'm getting you two out of the city. You'll disappear and stay invisible. I'll take care of Damien.


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[Assistant] He blocked us out. I need him disconnected fast.


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[Assistant] I blame myself everyday for the plan, for meeting you, for not stopping you when I had the chance.


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[Assistant] You're the only problem I see now. And I'm coming for you.


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[Assistant] No, they were all the vigilantes, and I was the only villain, but I make a mean bad guy. I gave him hell.


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[Assistant] Okay, look, Aiden, God, you have not changed at all. We do not need your help. Please stop trying to fix our problems. Every time you try, you just make things worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, I produce a lot. Uhm, I produce-


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[Assistant] Cassie, you know, I'm very happy that you're here because my wife picked you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, okay, alright, very good. Alright, I'm just looking at you to see if I can detect any signs of uhm, trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, what happened in the fantasy suite? There was uhm...


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[Assistant] I just, I do want to compliment both of you because I think you are the only...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now you can go anywhere you want. Where do you want to, like what do you want to do now that you're out?


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[Assistant] You guys kinda got cheated a little bit because of the way you went about this because they love to have you


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So this afternoon, I was like, this kinda sucks, they don't get the ring from Neil Lane. So we called Neil Lane, and so here, uh, he sent a ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi I'm Jimmy Kimmel and this is the internet. I made it myself. Hit subscribe if you like it.


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[Assistant] Under existing laws today and provisions can be completely taken advantage of by the credit card industry.


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[Assistant] So there is a deception going on to get you into the game. Once you're in, and I've got you in, then if you get out, I charge you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't meet your obligations, I charge you. You move left, you move right, I've gotcha. So what are you gonna do about it? Well, I've got legislation, so I got a bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This industry has become very, very powerful and, uh, and it's very successful in defeating every legislative attempt that's been made over the last several years to inject some responsibility on the part of this, uh, this credit card industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, keep on defeating me, keep on defeating ideas like this, and you'll look back and wish we had passed this legislation. Because I'll tell you, Congress will come along and they'll take steps far more egregious in their view than anything I'm suggesting. I'm discussing disclosure. Just let people know what the deal is.


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[Assistant] On the Hughes film, there are a lot of things to see and on the fifth floor in particular, we see an employee of the book depository grazes right arm right there as he waves to the motorcade passing just under the building. Now we move to the sixth floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, disappears, and we conclude there is no human form in that window.


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[Assistant] We do also conclude that there is a movement in the sixth floor corner window indicating the presence of a person.


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[Assistant] You're watching a CBS News special. I am your host, Gayle King.


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[Assistant] I guess my first question for you, Robert, is why exactly are you doing this interview? Because people think that I'm some kind of a monster. I'm here to remove all the doubt, okay? My lawyer was telling me no. But my ego, my ego was telling me yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and why do you think people are saying that about you? Probably because it looks like I have a harem of young girls and I started a cult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about the Lifetime docu-series that interviewed numerous women, family members, and your former tour manager, all saying the same things?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These people made a six-part documentary about me. Six. That's almost ten.


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[Assistant] Well, if you're so rich, why did it take so long to pay 160,000 you owe back in child support?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about? This is the interview. For real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Robert, you've been combative, defensive, and completely unhinged. But somehow you expect us to believe you are completely innocent. That would be ideal, yes.


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[Assistant] Let's just deal with one problem at a time. Alright? If I can get this information, can you decrypt it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I need to learn that. I don't let go very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got a fresh round of unforgettable moments from Gail King's sit-down interview with R. Kelly.


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[Assistant] I didn't think it was possible for this interview to get better, but I was wrong. R. Kelly, in case you don't know, is charged with multiple counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse of four women. Three of the women were said to be underage. His career is on the line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His freedom is on the, on the line, so for whatever reason, either our and or the people who represent him thought it would be a good idea to put him on TV.


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[Assistant] I hope that when this finally does go to trial, R. Kelly decides to represent himself in court because that would be amazing. He's a free man for now. He was released from jail this weekend after an anonymous party paid the $161,000 in child support he owed. This person, who his lawyer declined to name, made the payment on the condition that R. Kelly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am Jimmy Kimmel and I am not allowed to eat this cookie until you click the subscribe button. So please click now, I'm hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello everybody, today is my birthday. Yes, yeaah. I'm 23 today, and I suppose that's cause for some celebration. But I also wanted to take a moment to, you know, thank you guys as I usually do. I don't thank you guys enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't get it, you know, even though I thank you at the end of every single video, that's still not enough, because you guys have done a tremendous job of getting my new channel back on its feet. Let me give you some more statistics, just so you have an idea. Uhm, the view count has been slow, but as of this video I have 1,775 subscribers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess sharing's a different mechanic, but uhm, but, sad that that's so low, but that's okay. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And because it is my birthday and I get a birthday wish, my one wish would be that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have more people that enjoy my videos, so I have a job for you guys if you're interested in doing it. Go find a friend, tie them to a chair, bound and gag them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roll them up to your computer and play all my videos to them. No, I'm just joking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I would like, you know, I've made it basically a decision that I want to be a big YouTuber someday, and that may take a year to do, but it's something that I want, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you guys can help me out, and everyone who watches the video can give me one more subscriber, that would be fantastic. Just go out and find someone, make them subscribe, time to a chair, sign them up to YouTube, you know, do everything you can, I'm just joking. That's, is fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have to do that, but thank you again, everybody, for watching and liking my videos. I couldn't do this without you, and I'm not going to be able to go into the future without you. So, it's all on you. You're gonna help me out, get big. So, thanks again, everybody. Oh, and, uhm, right now, if you're watching this in the future, you're gonna miss it, but right now, DarkMinecraft, right here. Click on that button.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might happen. Unless my family wants to do something for my birthday because they're coming over today. But anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there's a link up there, click it to go to my livestream channel. And if you didn't know, I do livestreams on Twitch.tv. So if you want to see me live and in action playing some video games, go ahead and give me a check out. Er, go ahead and check me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, go over, and if you haven't already, click on the link, go over there, and, uh, follow me, or favorite, or whatever you wanna call it. Whatever it's called on Twitch TV. So that you can always stay up to date whenever I'm live streaming. So, thanks again everybody. Thank you everybody for watching. And I will see you in the next video. Bye bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Iacon, the capital city of the Autobots, is crumbling under the onslaught of Megatron and his Decepticons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rumors have spread of the defeat of Omega Supreme and Autobot leader, Zeta Prime. If the Autobots have any hope to band together and repel the enemy, a new hero must emerge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Carrying the power of the Matrix of Leadership inside him, Optimus Prime must sadly order the evacuation of the entire planet if the race of Transformers is to survive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trypticon is defeated, but the victory is bittersweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's just, we are, all three of us is- You gotta get close to the mic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All three of us is Salvi, you know what I mean? I ain't never met no Salvi rapper other than us. Okay. Rappin' like us, you know what I mean? So we just like trying to do that, try to put that on the map, you know what I mean? All three of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you happen to be in Virginia on October the 31st, the answer is 12 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Several, uh, towns in eastern Virginia have laws that make it illegal to trick or treat if you're older than the age of 12. In fact, it's a misdemeanor. And it comes with a fine between $25 and $100, and it could also lead up to six months in jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first thing they should have done is understood the crime that they were investigating. They didn't even know the results of the autopsy. For example, uh, William said he'd beaten her with a shoe, denied choking her, denied using, uh, any sort of a weapon, when in fact she was not beaten. Uh, and she was choked, and there was a weapon used. She was stabbed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They came back and had him readjust and oh yeaah, I think I might have touched her throat and he couldn't describe the knife but he might have stabbed her and these sorts of things. And they were satisfied. No concern about multiple offenders. They were convinced they'd solved the crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they had a choice to make. Either Williams was not guilty of this, was not involved in the crime scene, or, uh, he had to be part of some sort of weird conspiracy.


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[Assistant] In the mind of the investigator and the prosecutor, they're the good guys. They would not put an innocent person in jail. They would not prosecute an innocent person. And because they put these people in jail,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just have to believe that they're guilty. It's this sort of circular, it's self-validating sort of mentality that goes on that just ignores all of the, all of the evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In that year, 1997, in the United States, based on FBI statistics, there were 67...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, rape murders in the United States. That's out of over 15,000 murders, only 67. So someone who is sexually violent, uh, is a very unusual, uh, sort of crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you need to look for any prior similar crimes at all. Uh, and here we had this brutal rape and murder, uh, and then three weeks later, another brutal rape, but not a murder, a beating. But then we had the beating of a woman just before this, a hundred feet from Michelle Bosco's apartment. They ignored that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there was no association between Ballard and the Navy guys, yet they had to weave this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This goes against the initial theory that Williams went into the apartment because he knew her. Well, uh, but now they couldn't get in. But now Ballard came along, a stranger, they said, hey, we have this great idea. We want to rape and murder this woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In this apartment, would you help us? And Ballard said, oh yea, for sure, no problem, I'll get you in, it's not a problem. And then these eight guys, nine guys go in the apartment and, according to the state's theory, raped and murdered her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I told Joe, I said, well, you know, we understand. Believe me, I know that you couldn't have ever been party to something like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I said, why are you still here? He said, well, I just told them what they wanted to hear. And that's when the terror set in. And I said, you didn't sign anything, did you? Well, yeaah, I signed a confession. And I said, we'll be down first thing in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And said I've got some bad news for you. I hate to tell you, but your son is guilty.


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[Assistant] He was involved in every bit of this crime from start to finish.


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[Assistant] But now we've got the guy that we're paying to defend him telling us we got a problem.


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[Assistant] You know, and he's telling us he's guilty, he was there for every aspect of the crime, he could get the death penalty, we need to plea bargain, and my job now is to save his life.


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[Assistant] Why have you taken me now? Please. Send me back.


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[Assistant] You know, folks, I spend so much time dealing with the elephants in the newsroom that sometimes I forget to notice the smaller but equally compelling news baboons shrieking and hurling their feces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five days later, after being found by a passing snowmobiler, Jeremy took to Facebook joking, while Ali took to Facebook saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Archaeologists have uncovered an elixir of immortality in a 2,000 year old Chinese tomb. Though, I do have suspicions this elixir of immortality may not work. First hint, they found it in a tomb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The scientists believe the liquid was wine, but found that it was in fact a different substance after further lab work, also known as making the intern chug it.


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[Assistant] Of course, this so-called elixir of immortality is nothing more than a combination of ancient chemicals with no real life extending properties. So these archaeologists should do the logical thing and send it to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is someone winning the lottery always reported as news? It's not a story. Someone will win. Just go with the standard headline, breaking news, still not you.


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[Assistant] Here's what's crazy. On the day they bought their winning ticket, the winner allowed someone to cut in front of him or her in line at the store to buy the same kind of ticket before the winner bought their own. Okay. Okay. Nice story, but I think Karma needs to recalibrate the dials a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This statue has been in the Los Angeles State Courthouse since 1941 and is titled Young Lincoln. But after going viral, people started renaming it Babraham Lincoln.


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[Assistant] Good names, but judges would also have accepted the great emanscaper and of course, the rail splitter. We'll be right back.


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[Assistant] You said this one? No, he didn't. Okay, calm down. I'll try to get you $500.


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[Assistant] Excuse me, ma'am? Do you know how many babies are killed here, ma'am? You'd like to make an appointment?


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[Assistant] I'm an OB-GYN physician, sir. She deserves to have options.


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[Assistant] I know she feels boxed in. I know you guys feel like you have to do this. We can help her.


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[Assistant] Sweetie, if you took the abortion pill, we can reverse it. You have 72 hours, honey.


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[Assistant] We can help you. If you took the abortion pill, we can reverse it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Infection, heavy bleeding or clots in the uterus needing removal, problems with future pregnancies, infertility, damage to the cervix vagina or uterus, or to other abdominal organs requiring hospitalization or additional surgery. For abortion, these risks are very low.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I respect people that say abortion is wrong.


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[Assistant] Their whole existence is to persuade women who go there not to have abortions. And uhm, it ranges from gentle persuasion to fairly coercive persuasion.


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[Assistant] It is so special to us. It's a lot better than seeing you in those browns and oranges that we saw you in last year and before.


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[Assistant] We want to state habeas on behalf of Derek, finding that, uh, Detective Ford and the Norfolk Police committed constitutional violations.


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[Assistant] You may have read in the papers that Detective Ford was indicted several days ago for abuse of the criminal justice system.


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[Assistant] Not often a dude ruins your faith, skull stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama, and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.