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[Assistant] Dias and his advisors hoped that in time the benefits of this flood of foreign investment and modernization would become obvious to everyone.


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[Assistant] But in both the short and medium term, it caused enormous disruption.


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[Assistant] Wherever new railroads were built or mines established or land surveyed and parceled out,


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[Assistant] Somebody who was already there was gonna get kicked out.


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[Assistant] And now it wasn't just absentee landlords in Mexico City who were drawing the ire of local communities. It was Anglo financiers in Texas and New York City.


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[Assistant] They were bringing in Anglo operators, experts, and workers to install foreign technology and machinery to run foreign operations whose profits would primarily accrue in foreign hands.


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[Assistant] And I'm also just gonna kinda shoehorn this in here because it needs to be said, but along with the railroads and crisscrossing between them, these companies also set up 20,000 kilometers of telegraph lines, which made every part of Mexico suddenly and instantly in communication with every other part of Mexico, to say nothing of every other part of the world.


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[Assistant] So with the arrival of the telegraphs and the railroads, suddenly communities that have been geographically isolated hell since before the Aztecs were now suddenly at the doorstep of the whole world.


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[Assistant] It integrated rural Mexico into central Mexico and to the rest of the world, but in very disruptive ways.


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[Assistant] So yes, Mexico underwent rapid industrial modernization over the span of about 30 years.


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[Assistant] But most of the immediate benefits went to foreigners, while Mexicans seemed to bear all the costs.


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[Assistant] And in many ways, the coming revolution was a reaction to this process.


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[Assistant] In terms of politics, though, Dias continued to play his hand flawlessly through most of the Porfiriato.


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[Assistant] He conspicuously stuck to his no-ree election principles as his first term neared its end.


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[Assistant] Having staked his entire public persona to being the enemy of reelection, Dias declined to seek a second term in 1880.


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[Assistant] But he had no intention of just departing from politics.


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[Assistant] The mostly staged managed election of 1880 elevated Diaz's longtime comrade in arms, Manuel Gonzalez, to office.


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[Assistant] Gonzalez was devoted to his caudillo, Porfirio Diaz, and it's hard to not paint him as a mere cipher, just a puppet. Especially since Diaz was named Minister of Development in Gonzalez's first cabinet, and then given a larger budget than even the War Department got.


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[Assistant] But, Gonzales was not merely a puppet. He didn't really have to be.


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[Assistant] The two men believed in basically the same thing, that Mexico's interests lay in opening up the country to foreign development.


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[Assistant] Gonzalez was perfectly capable of doing the job as president without Dias micromanaging him, and indeed his term in office from 1880 to 1884 actually saw most of the quintessential aspects of the Porfiriato brought into being, including a lot of the pro-business legislation and much of the first real construction on the railroads.


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[Assistant] Some of this turned out to be controversial and unpopular though, especially because Gonzales and his cronies tended to make a lot of money on these deals.


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[Assistant] And I'm sure at the time Dias was happy to let his friend take credit for the work.


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[Assistant] And speaking of credit, and yes, you can high-five me anytime you want for this segue, it was during Gonzalez's term in office that the Mexican government finally established a national bank.


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[Assistant] No Mexican government had ever been able to draw low interest loans or manage its money supply effectively.


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[Assistant] But in 1884, after nearly a decade of proving that Mexico was now stable and safe for investment, the government oversaw the merger of two financial institutions into a single Banco de Nacional México, better known as Banamex.


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[Assistant] Since Mexico did not have nearly enough wealth to capitalize a national bank, they had to attract foreign investors. And, like railroad and mining investors, these financial investors were given every concession, tax break, and protection the government could think of to get their money into Mexico.


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[Assistant] Bonamex was practically the monopoly bank in Mexico after its creation. It controlled the national money supply, minted coins, it was the only bank allowed to open branches in multiple states, it was given control over state revenue, the tax collection and customs duties,


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[Assistant] The big inducement, though, was that it was also given control of managing the state's national debt, particularly its foreign debts. And this was, for example, how the English debt, unsettled since it had been first been floated back in the 1820s, was finally resolved and settled.


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[Assistant] So, foreign money came in. And 70% of the capital of Bonamex was of foreign origin. And oddly enough, almost all of that came from the French.


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[Assistant] Not seeing much to be gained by competing with the Americans and British in railroads and mining and other large capitalist industries, the French zeroed in on finance as their way to make money in Mexico.


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[Assistant] Many of them were made by well connected members of the Dias regime


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[Assistant] But most of the fortunes wound up in Paris and in London and in New York.


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[Assistant] When the 1884 elections came around, President Gonzalez was just unpopular enough and associated with just enough corruption that there was a great clamoring for the return of Don Porfirio. A clamoring Dias studiously cultivated by not actively seeking election.


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[Assistant] So of course he won the 1884 election in a landslide, and after that...


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[Assistant] Dias shed like a snake his old form as a radical liberal partisan and the standard bearer of no re-election.


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[Assistant] Instead, he transformed himself into a perpetual dictator who would not relinquish the presidency for 26 years.


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[Assistant] During this second term, the Constitution would be amended to allow for one re-election. And so, Dias was re-elected in 1888.


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[Assistant] Then as that term neared its end in 1792, the Constitution was amended again. This time, there would be no limits on re-election.


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[Assistant] This move from no reelection to hell yeaah reelection was followed up and down the political line.


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[Assistant] State governors were now elected and re-elected, sometimes for decades on end.


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[Assistant] Members of the National Congress were re-elected and re-elected again in perpetuity.


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[Assistant] By the close of the Porfiriato, they were derided as less a legislature and more a natural history museum.


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[Assistant] Not that any of these re-elections had any basis in democratic participation, mind you.


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[Assistant] Elections were deemed far too important to be left to the voters.


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[Assistant] And so though through the entirety of the Porfiriato, the charade of annual elections was carefully maintained, only candidates approved by the government ever won.


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[Assistant] Díaz believed Mexicans, at least those in the ruling class, cared more about economic security than abstract concepts like liberty and freedom. And for a long time, he wasn't wrong. Everyone got rich and everyone got fat. But before anyone knew it,


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[Assistant] They all found themselves living under one of the longest dictatorships in the history of the Americas.


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[Assistant] As his regime entrenched itself, Adidas went to great lengths to neuter the one institution that had always proven so troublesome to any existing regime, the army.


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[Assistant] Now you may think that because he was a soldier and a caudillo, that the Porfiriato was a military dictatorship. But it really wasn't.


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[Assistant] During the first 50 years of Mexican history, the army had eaten up like 75% of the national budget. And Diaz wanted to break that stranglehold.


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[Assistant] Not just because they might threaten his power but because he needed to free up that money for economic development.


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[Assistant] So over the long course of the Porfiriato, Dias did his best to year by year reduce the army's budget, the number of enlisted soldiers, the number of senior officers.


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[Assistant] And he always made sure that political reliability rather than military skill was the reason for a promotion.


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[Assistant] This marked the Porphyrian dictatorship apart from other contemporaneous dictatorships in Central and South America. And this was mostly because Porphyrian Mexico didn't really face the threat of a foreign war.


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[Assistant] The Central American states of the South were far too small to worry about, and Diaz was managing.


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[Assistant] Hopefully, the American Colossus to the north.


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[Assistant] Mexico's size and real lack of border rivalries made a large standing army a political liability without serving much of a national security purpose.


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[Assistant] And so over the years, the size of the army was reduced from 30 to 20,000. And even then, a lot of that enlistment was only on paper.


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[Assistant] The neutralization of the army was a key part of the Porfiriato's longevity.


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[Assistant] It would also contribute mightily to its downfall when the shed hit the fan in 1910.


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[Assistant] As he won each successive re-election, Diaz transcended to a higher plane of politics. At least in his own mind.


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[Assistant] He was looking to become something of a Republican sovereign who was above and beyond factional fighting.


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[Assistant] So, he would reconcile with old conservative elements. He would play regional and ideological rivals off one another.


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[Assistant] His only goal now was order and progress. Or, as was encapsulated by another quip from the Porfiriato, Díaz's goal was poca política, mucha administración. A little politics, but a lot of administration.


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[Assistant] The defining click of this High Porfiriato, the guys who became the most visible and ultimately hated symbol of the regime, were the Cientificos.


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[Assistant] The Cientificos were a small group of Mexico City intellectuals who got really into Herbert Spencer and the philosophy of positivism.


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[Assistant] They believe that all knowledge could be rooted in empirical, natural, and scientific observation and investigation.


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[Assistant] This scientific method was meant to apply to all social, political, and economic interactions and it promised to free humanity from the shackles of mere superstition and sentiment.


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[Assistant] In terms of politics, it was meant to free humanity from the grubby business of politics, and they prescribed a scientific method for solving all economic and political issues, hence their name, the scientificos.


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[Assistant] They appealed to Dias immensely, and he was more than happy to play their patron and support their approach to politics. Especially because the niceties of elections and participatory government apparently had no place in the scientific, natural order of things.


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[Assistant] With the patronage and support of Dias, the Cientifico sought to modernize the economy and solve all manner of social ills. Education, morality, health, drunkenness, you name it, they thought they could solve it.


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[Assistant] Everyone else came to pretty much hate their guts because the scientificos got awfully rich telling everyone else how dumb and backwards they were.


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[Assistant] The chief scientifico, the leader of the group, was the long-term minister of finance, José Limentur.


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[Assistant] Appointed to this office in 1892, LeMonteur was both incredibly successful at what he set out to do, but ultimately a failure, because instead of ensuring permanent peace and prosperity, he was taken down by a revolution that erupted in part in opposition to his life's work. But LeMonteur's accomplishments are obvious.


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[Assistant] He came into the Ministry of Finance in 1892 with a couple of basic goals. First, balance the budget.


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[Assistant] Second, manage the mostly foreign-owned public debt.


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[Assistant] And third, abolish all internal barriers to trade to create a unified domestic national market. And he did all that.


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[Assistant] Through a mix of budget cuts and tax measures, in 1896, Lee Mentor delivered the first balanced budget in Mexican history. And then every year after that, through 1910, he produced budget surpluses. The government was now taking in more than it was spending.


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[Assistant] This helped him manage the national debt, which, though it exploded from 52 million pesos in 1884 to 441 million pesos in 1910, this was a mark not of profligate irresponsibility, but shrewd responsibility. Because the Mexicans were being entrusted with far more money than ever.


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[Assistant] But the problem with all this budget hawkery and hyper-focus on managing the foreign debt is that there was not much place in it for the vast majority of Mexican citizens, who were becoming increasingly aware that the national government worked for a small group of rich guys in Mexico City, their foreign financial backers, and, well, nobody else.


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[Assistant] Leemintuer also represented a shift in the Porfiriato's foreign policy and who those foreign backers were.


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[Assistant] LeMonteur was a Europhile who was skeptical to the point of hostility to the Americans.


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[Assistant] For the relatively weak Mexico to maintain its sovereignty and independence, other great powers were going to have to be brought in to check the Americans.


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[Assistant] Now we saw this already with the presence of French capital that was financing the national bank. That was good.


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[Assistant] But there was also a strong push inside the Cientifico circles to promote British railroad and mining interests, so that Mexico's infrastructure and national resources were not monopolized by the Americans.


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[Assistant] This was especially important towards the end of the 1890s, as the United States was clearly moving towards the big stick phase of hemispheric diplomacy.


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[Assistant] The Spanish-American War saw the United States seize the last vestiges of the Spanish Empire in the Americas. The United States also clearly planned to control a canal that would link the Atlantic to the Pacific somewhere in Central America. They didn't know where yet, but they planned to control it.


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[Assistant] Then President Roosevelt came along and announced the Roosevelt Corollary to the Monroe Doctrine. What's said that the United States saw it as its responsibility to intervene in the internal affairs of Latin American countries to, yea, sure, secure the peace, but mostly to ensure the repayment of foreign debt.


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[Assistant] The increasingly aggressive and ambitious United States led Dias and LeMonteur to turn to Europe for help and support.


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[Assistant] In 1902 they granted a concession to the British Pearson Trust to construct a railroad linking the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific, which enraged American investors who had assumed that they were going to get the deal.


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[Assistant] But this was only the beginning. Over the next few years, Lehman Tour initiated a program of slowly but surely buying and controlling stock in various railroads to give the Mexican government a controlling interest.


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[Assistant] And by 1907, he had succeeded in bringing about two thirds of Mexico's railroads under voting control of the Mexican government.


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[Assistant] But the really big kicker came with the discovery of oil.


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[Assistant] It goes without saying that when oil was discovered in Mexico, that American companies practically took it as their birthright to go exploit it.


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[Assistant] And there was a lot of oil in Mexico. At the time, many believed that it was possibly the largest reserves in the world.


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[Assistant] But just as companies like Standard Oil and Texaco were making their place to enter Mexico, the Mexican government granted enormous geographic, economic, and political concessions to the British Pearson Trust, all but cutting the Americans out of the oil business entirely.


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[Assistant] Porfirio Diaz had come to power in 1876 in part because he was seen as the champion of American business in Mexico. And he had been.


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[Assistant] The Porfirianto was as autocratic as it was capitalist.


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[Assistant] Mountains of foreign capital came into the country during these years. Foreign investment increased tenfold between 1880 and 1910.


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[Assistant] Foreigners now own huge chunks of the Mexican economy. Mining, oil, commerce, public utilities, cattle, railroads. So while the economy boomed and modernized, it was hard for the average American to see what the benefit was.


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[Assistant] By the end of the Porfiriato, there was a massive new infrastructure and technological upgrades, but the profits of all this were held in the hands of just a few, and the rapid transformation of the country disrupted traditional ways of life.


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[Assistant] Now the prevailing liberal economic theory was that a rising tide would lift all boats, and so the government never did much to address the economic or social needs of its citizens.


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[Assistant] Now this, as I've said, is not the whole story, and it does underestimate just how much the government was trying to move in a more nationalist and protectionist direction by the end of the Porfiriato.


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[Assistant] But by then it was kind of already too late, and when the revolution came, foreign companies and their property would become the principal targets for the local wrath of local revolutionaries.


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[Assistant] The rural peasants who had been driven from their land. The mine workers who were treated as shabby slaves by foreign managers. Middle class intellectuals who were no longer satisfied with mere material comfort. They wanted a political voice to go along with it.


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[Assistant] And at the center of all this swirling revolutionary energy was an aging Porfirio Dias, who everyone knew was going to die eventually, and that when he did, everything would be up for grabs.


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[Assistant] And that his death would likely spark nothing less than a war for the future of Mexico.


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[Assistant] Casper is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get your best rest one night at a time.


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[Assistant] At Casper, mattresses are cleverly designed for humans, engineered to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies. You spend one third of your life sleeping, so you should be comfortable, and Casper mattresses provide all the support the human body needs in all the right places.


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[Assistant] Casper brand mattresses combine multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface with the right amounts of both sink and bounce.


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[Assistant] Three designs to choose from. The original Casper mattress, which combines multiple supportive memory foams for a quality sleep surface. The Wave, which features a patent pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of your body. And the Essential, which has a streamlined design at a price that won't keep you up at night.


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[Assistant] And whatever Casper mattress you decide to go with, the price will be affordable because Casper cuts out the middleman and sells directly to you with free shipping in the United States and Canada.


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[Assistant] And if for some reason you don't like it, they offer hassle-free returns if you're not completely satisfied.


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[Assistant] Now of course we have recently moved across the Atlantic, but the Casper mattress that we've had all these years was still of such great quality that my mom put a special tag on it, and it migrated over to her house. It's now their guest and napping bed.


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[Assistant] So, the deal we have for you is that you get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash revolutions and using the promo code revolutions at checkout. That again, $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash revolutions and using the promo code revolutions. Terms and conditions apply.


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[Assistant] So as you may have noticed if you look at the runtime, this week's episode is shorter than usual.


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[Assistant] If you follow me on Twitter, you know that this is thanks to a series of disasters that befell my family as we attempted to leave Auvergne on Monday. Not only did we get blasted by a massive snowstorm, but our rental car broke down. It broke down in the middle of a blizzard. This left us stranded for three days in the little village of Mazais-Saint-Voix.


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[Assistant] Since I produced this show in real time, that pretty much crushed my ability to pull out a full episode this week, so here we are with a much shorter episode.


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[Assistant] But before we get going, I do want to say that the people of Mazet-Saint-Voix were wonderful to us, especially after we were more or less abandoned by our rental car company. So, for example, if you are ever in Mazet, please go to the Auberge du Soleil. The owners there took care of us with generous warmth.


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[Assistant] In the end, got one of their friends, just one of their friends, to drive us to Saint-Etienne to catch a train, because we literally had no other means of transportation. So I won't bore you with all of the stressful details, but suffice it to say, we got screwed, and the Auberge du Soleil in Massey-Saint-Bois was quite literally our shelter from the storm.


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[Assistant] Okay, so getting back to the Mexican Revolution, here in this truncated episode, we are going to address the situation Francisco Madero inherited when he finally became president of Mexico.


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[Assistant] Specifically, we are going to focus on the array of revolts and rebellions that continue to flare up across the country. Because as much as Madero was trying to put the revolution behind him, and behind Mexico, the Mexican Revolution is nowhere near its end. We're barely even halfway through this series.


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[Assistant] The situation was in fact so seamlessly volatile that after Madero's election in October of 1911, it was decided the country could not wait for his scheduled inauguration on December the 1st. Instead, interim President de la Berra resigned on November the 6th, and Madero was officially sworn in.


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[Assistant] He was finally President Madero. But from the minute he took up his office, he dealt with a rash of insurrections and conspiratorial challenges to his rule.


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[Assistant] From random local uprisings led by ambitious bandits now styling themselves revolutionary caudillos, to reactionary coup plots hatched in the inner circles of the old porfiriato, the Madero administration never enjoyed a moment's peace.


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[Assistant] Now of course the most famous and most important of these ongoing insurrections is the one led by Emiliano Zapata in Morelos.


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[Assistant] But I will be putting off our discussion of Zapata until next week, because it requires more time and attention than I will be able to give it this week. But please just remember that Zapata has been driven into rebellion by the aggressive conduct of General Huerta and the Figueroa brothers, and will soon be issuing the famous, bordering on legendary, Plan of Ayala at the end of November 1911. We will talk all about that in detail next week.


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[Assistant] Now in terms of physical proximity, the rebellion in Morelos was very close to the presidential palace in Mexico City.


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[Assistant] After Madero's election, credible evidence was passed along to American Ambassador Henry Lane Wilson that a plot was being hatched among conservative army officers to prevent Madero from ever taking office, even if that meant assassinating him.


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[Assistant] Subsequent investigations led to the arrest of two generals who confessed to everything at the end of December, which led to the subsequent discovery of a huge explosives cache, proving that this was no pack of paranoid rumors.


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[Assistant] In fact, the plan may have been executed had General Huerta not been fired from his job for driving Morelos back into insurrectionary chaos, again we'll talk about that next week.


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[Assistant] But though Madero did not want to confront this very dire and very persistent threat of a reactionary military coup, he really did seem to want to put his head in the sand about it.


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[Assistant] That threat is not going to go away. And U.S. Ambassador Henry Lane Wilson, a conservative Republican who thought Madero was quite literally a lunatic and represented the thin end of the wedge of like, anarcho-communism in North America,


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[Assistant] He's going to be far less interested in passing on evidence of such coups in the future. In fact, he might even signal that the United States would not look unkindly on such a coup.


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[Assistant] At the end of 1911, though, these kinds of barracks plots were not considered by the Mataristas to be the chief threat to Madero. Because, just like President Díaz, they focused their attention on the threat posed by Bernardo Reyes.


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[Assistant] Reyes, remember, had withdrawn from the presidential race in a theatrical huff, declaring it corrupt and rigged. He went up to San Antonio and seemed to make very little effort to hide the fact that he was now organizing a counterrevolution to overthrow Madero, who Reyes denounced as an incompetent, treacherous hypocrite.


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[Assistant] But unlike many of his supporters and advisors, Madero himself was apparently quite serene about the threat posed by Reyes, and confidently asserted that Reyes would not get anywhere with his counterrevolution. And unlike his serene disbelief about the threat of a military coup, Madero was proven 100% correct about Reyes.


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[Assistant] The hype of Bernardo Reyes never ever lived up to his actual performance, as would be shown again over the course of November and December 1911.


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[Assistant] For one thing, as I just said, Reyes was not being very subtle about what he was up to.


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[Assistant] So again, following a bit in the footsteps of President Diaz, President Madero demanded the United States take action.


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[Assistant] Except this time, instead of dragging their feet, the Americans took action.


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[Assistant] The Taft administration's official policy had always been that everyone needed to adhere to America's neutrality laws. Foreign nationals were not allowed to use the United States as a staging ground for revolution in their home countries.


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[Assistant] Now of course, Madero had gotten like a six month free pass and he was just able to act freely.


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[Assistant] But I need to make a couple of points about this. First, he moved around enough and had enough support, especially among the Tohono Population, that it was legitimately difficult to keep track of him.


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[Assistant] And then also, despite President Diaz's huffing and puffing, it took a long time for his agents to produce the kind of legal proof that was going to move the very lawyerly and by-the-book President Taft.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, the Mataristas, having just staged a revolution from Texas themselves, knew exactly what to look for, and they were able to put together a pile of evidence that Reyes was gathering arms and men for an invasion of Mexico.


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[Assistant] Probably prodded further along by a desire to not let Mexico re-descend into civil war, the American authorities actually acted quickly. Reyes and his entourage were arrested in late November 1911, and the army was ordered to the border to prevent illegal crossings in either direction.


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[Assistant] Released on bail, Reyes concluded it would only be a matter of time before he was arrested again.


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[Assistant] With his plan for an invasion going nowhere, Reyes, practically all by himself, crossed the border back into Mexico near Eagle Pass on December the 4th.


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[Assistant] But the thing is, this whole time, Reyes has been deluding himself. He may have once been the popular governor of Nuevo León, and the best possible candidate to inherit the Porfiriato, but there was no widespread popular clamoring to go back to the Porfiriato now that it was over.


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[Assistant] Reyes was trying to pitch counterrevolution to a population in northern Mexico that is just not interested.


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[Assistant] And the one place where he might have been able to garner personal support, which was his old home base in Nuevo Leon, was now under the military command of General Trevino.


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[Assistant] Remember General Trevino, the old guy who had been recalled by Dias to take over the third military district of Mexico, specifically to prevent Reyes from being able to raise a military insurrection there?


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[Assistant] Trevino did his job very well, and was continuing to do his job very well.


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[Assistant] Reyes had no friends in high places. He had no friends in the military. Certainly, he had no friends with guns. There was simply no possibility of a Raista uprising in Nuevo León. The state was on lockdown.


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[Assistant] For two weeks after his escape across the border, though, Bernardo Reyes was off the grid, sending both American and Mexican officials hunting down rumors that put him anywhere from Mexico City to New York City.


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[Assistant] In reality, he was up in the rugged northern country moving south and trying to build an army. But the people were not into it.


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[Assistant] As Reyes himself later complained, whenever he arrived in some town men did not flock to his banner. They ran to the nearest telegraph office to report to the government on his whereabouts.


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[Assistant] So after a couple of weeks of this, going nowhere with absolutely no one, Reyes gave up. He quit.


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[Assistant] On Christmas Day 1911, he turned himself into a local garrison.


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[Assistant] Once he was in custody, he asked the government for blanket amnesty for himself and anyone who had supported him, which you know, not that many people.


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[Assistant] But Madero was not interested. He had magnanimously let Reyes return to Mexico and Reyes had thanked him by trying to overthrow him.


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[Assistant] So any low-level supporters who had been caught up in the Reyes scheme were pardoned, but Reyes himself was going to be tried for sedition and treason, and so he was subsequently transferred to an army break in Mexico City to await trial.


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[Assistant] And there, Reyes would sit, once again proving that he simply did not have what it took to live up to his hype.


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[Assistant] But even though he now sat in jail after running an even more pathetic revolution than Madero had originally run, we are not done with Bernardo Reyes quite yet.


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[Assistant] Now one of Reyes' big problems is that he was trying to run a popular counterrevolution in an area that had just been the theater of a popular revolution.


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[Assistant] But just because Reyes was making the wrong anti-Madero pitch, that doesn't mean there was not a pitch to be made.


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[Assistant] As we discussed last time, after quote unquote his victory, Madero very quickly pivoted away from the ruffians who had actually won the war for him, and he tried to graduate into respectable politics.


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[Assistant] This left many of those who had joined him feeling abandoned and betrayed.


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[Assistant] If they had any real political bent at all, they were also grousing about Madero's conservative turn and they wanted the points of the Plan of San Luis more forthrightly asserted,


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[Assistant] But plenty of them were all but apolitical. Adventurous sorts who groused not about high ideals, but about being shafted out of the spoils of war. They wanted power. They wanted offices. The just rewards for the risks that they had taken. The just rewards for the war that they had won.


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[Assistant] These types of jilted ex-Rebels and ex-Matteristas all across central and northern Mexico were cultivated not by Reyes, but by the Vasquez Gomez brothers.


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[Assistant] Last time, we saw Francisco Vazquez Gomez maneuvered out of the vice presidency following a very public and acrimonious break with Madero.


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[Assistant] Well, Francisco has a brother named Emilio, who, even though we haven't talked about him yet, had been tapped to be the Minister of the Interior in the interim government. Well, Emilio Vázquez-Gómez had been forced out of that office just around the same time Madero was forcing Francisco Vázquez-Gómez off his presidential ticket.


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[Assistant] So both brothers now had bitter axes to grind, and in the next stage, Francisco would actually take a backseat to his younger brother Emilio, who stepped up to lead the family attack on Madero.


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[Assistant] Making a base for themselves in Texas, just like Reyes was doing, Emilio Vasquez Gomez wrote a report that he sent to all the state governors of Mexico denouncing Madero for not having gone far enough in implementing the plan of San Luis. In effect, Madero had betrayed his own revolution.


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[Assistant] Vasquez Gomez was now portraying himself as the real leader of the revolutionary movement, saying he was more materista than Madero himself.


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[Assistant] So, like Reyes, Vasquez Gomez denounced a recent election as a farce and declared the result illegitimate.


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[Assistant] He said that if asked, he might consider serving as provisional president to see new free and fair elections held.


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[Assistant] The Circular, though, did not have much impact on the state governors. After all, most of them had just become state governors thanks to Madero's approval. I mean, why bite the hand that feeds you?


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[Assistant] Just to get this out of the way right now, Emilio Vasquez Gomez, whatever he's setting himself up to be, was never going to create some Vasquista rebel army.


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[Assistant] He and his brother were simply not charismatic enough or well connected enough or trusted enough to be anything more than a name vaguely connected to vague anti-Madero sentiment.


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[Assistant] But there was a guy among that disaffected, jilted, northern ex-Rebel set who was charismatic enough and well connected enough and trusted enough to be more than just a name. And that was Pascual Orozco.


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[Assistant] Orozco was at this moment being recruited, flattered, and cultivated by every single enemy Francisco Madero ever had.


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[Assistant] Everyone recognized how important Orozco had been to the original revolution. Everyone knew that he was pissed at Madero. The Vasquistas had been trying to recruit him to the cause, knowing that he could prove hugely decisive. But Orozco mostly resisted their appeals.


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[Assistant] Not that he didn't appreciate their effort, or remain angry at his treatment by Madero.


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[Assistant] After being appointed governor of Chihuahua, Abraham Gonzalez had then run in an open election later in 1911 to secure a true democratic mandate, and a group of anti-modero interests, including some Vasquistas, tried to put Orozco forward as a rival candidate for the governorship,


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[Assistant] Then, after Madera won his election, the new president tapped his old faithful friend Abraham Gonzalez to serve as Minister of the Interior, and Orozco once again held out some hope he would be named Governor of Chihuahua when Gonzalez left for Mexico City.


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[Assistant] But Gonzales merely took a leave of absence from his office without resigning, and the caretaker governorship went to some dude no one had ever heard of.


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[Assistant] And so a smoldering Orozco continued to be courted by Madero's enemies.


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[Assistant] In late January and early February 1912, the dissatisfaction among Madero's former soldiers finally broke into open revolt in the north.


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[Assistant] A close revolutionary comrade of Orozco's named Braulio Hernandez, former college professor and journalist turned rebel officer, decided that he had had enough of Madero embracing their old enemies and crapping on his old friends.


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[Assistant] Hernandez issued a manifesto in the first week of February, demanding Madero resign the presidency, and at least ostensibly, announced his support for Emilio Vázquez-Gómez to become provisional president.


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[Assistant] And though this was technically an anti-Matterista revolt, Alan Knight points out that it is much better described as a neo-Matterista revolt. This is not a counter-revolution. This was a continuation of the revolution. The chief has betrayed the cause.


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[Assistant] Hernandez lobbied his old comrade Orozco to join the rebellion, but as late as the end of February 1912, Orozco was still defending the Matarista government from rebellion, even as Hernandez secured the defection of garrisons in Chihuahua City and Casas Grandes, and then occupied Juarez,


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[Assistant] But at some crucial moment between the last week of February and the first week of March, Orozco changed his mind.


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[Assistant] When federal forces attempt to reassert control of Juarez on March the 3rd, Orozco rode out at the head of a rebel army to repel them.


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[Assistant] But crucially, Orozco had failed in his own attempt to coax a critical ally over to the renewed rebellion.


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[Assistant] Because leading those federal forces attempting to retake Juarez was Orozco's former lieutenant, Pancho Villa, who had concluded that his fortunes were better served by defending Madero than attacking him. And boy was Villa ever right.


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[Assistant] With instincts that remind me of no one so much as Toussaint Louverture. Via chose wisely, and was now on his way to becoming THE man of the north.


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[Assistant] But that story is going to wait until next week. Because, friends, I have no more time this week.


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[Assistant] So we'll pick this all back up again next time when our regularly scheduled programming resumes.


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[Assistant] We will see Pascual Orozco and Emiliano Zapata trying to keep the Mexican Revolution going, and men like Bernardo Reyes and General Huerta trying to kill the Mexican Revolution dead.


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[Assistant] And Francisco Madero, as is his tragic lot in life, will continue to be stuck right in the middle.


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[Assistant] Very welcome to the Funhaus Podcast. My name is James Williams and I'm joined by my two guests this week, Lindsay Washburn.


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[Assistant] Uhm, thank you guys for joining me this week. Uhm, we are going to be basically kind of wrapping up the year with this one. How did I describe it? Uh, I described it to you guys in a very specific way. Uhm, but we're gonna be kinda be doing a year roundup. There's a couple things I wanna talk about.


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[Assistant] Uhm, specifically, uhm, maybe a couple reoccurring segments that I'm somewhat known for, uhm, that we're of course gonna get to.


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[Assistant] First things first though, Lindsay, we were, we were continuing our slots, Vegas slots conversation, which we started. This is something that we have discovered a common love of.


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[Assistant] And that's our love of slots. And so you have the slot machine app. What were you gonna do for the course of this episode?


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[Assistant] Perfect. Last week. Mine's still on my phone. How many of those kinds of apps exist? The slot machine apps?


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[Assistant] Wow, that was quick. Uhm, there's someone who was watching that other podcast that we did a couple weeks ago and then messaged Lindsay and I and said that they are a programmer who makes slot machines.


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[Assistant] And linked us to their like Vimeo page. They're basically, they're real of all their work and all the slot machines they worked on. And it was very cool to watch.


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[Assistant] Cause they were like, I can just program the ones to show you the bonuses that happen.


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[Assistant] And then Lindsay and I were like, should we do a funhouse slot machine? And then we both got really excited until I realized we would get no, not a single cent from any of that. And it would be probably the most discouraging thing we'd ever seen.


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[Assistant] But, uhm, so yea, Lynn's gonna be rolling the slot machine. Another thing, we're gonna talk about some stuff too. Uhm, Omar's playing cyberpunk and I wanna kind of ask him what his experience- Oh, you got the link? Oh, cool.


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[Assistant] Uh, and so, uh, I wanted to talk to Omar about his experiences, how he's enjoying Cyberpunk, how it's running for him because the game is getting a lot of flack and I'm not the kind of, I don't want to dunk on a dev after they killed themselves for nine years trying to make a game that seriously so long and, and make it work on.


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[Assistant] We're gonna take some questions as, as they come. Uh, you can, you guys can shoot us questions, cause this is kinda gonna be an end of the year wrap up. Uhm, and uh, and yeaah, let's just have a nice, cool, cash podcast. Omar!


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[Assistant] Cyberpunk. Oh, did you get hacked? I can't tell if you got hacked or if there was like an encoding error.


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[Assistant] Okay, so how far in are you approximately?


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[Assistant] What do you, I mean, I don't think any of us are game devs enough to really know, but what do you think is like causing the issues here? Cause like, there are still games like GTA V which are just utterly massive, you know? Like they are, these are massive games and


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[Assistant] They are so old and, and, but you know, you can pick them up now and still be impressed by what's in it. I know everyone's going on and on about how beautiful this game is and like the lighting and the ray tracing and all kinds of stuff like that.


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[Assistant] Um, but like, you know, also John Smith always goes on and on about how next gen doesn't just mean better graphics. It means like computer processing power to make the world more real, right?


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[Assistant] It feels, I mean, it's an RPG, right? Like, the definition has kind of been...


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[Assistant] Uh, swapped around a bunch over time and sometimes you think RPG is gonna be the thing where you select attack from a list, you know, and like cloud does his limit break. But like, this feels like it's very much an RPG, probably kind of similar to Fallout, maybe more.


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[Assistant] Other action games, I'm sure, but like, it would make sense that it wouldn't.


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[Assistant] It wouldn't feel right until you feel comfortable in it, like until you can, like until the mind meld happens where you, Omar, feel invested and like feel like your goals as a player are aligned with the goals in the game. It's not, it's not Sisterhood of Traveling Pants where you just try them on and they work.


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[Assistant] So I guess that makes sense, but man, just looking at that world, like how much of that stuff matters though? Cause that's, that's the problem I have.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's just, it's really, the things when it, it's just stuff on a map, like I know people consider Assassin's Creed Black Flag to be like one of the best Assassin's Creed games. I know, I know people that love it.


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[Assistant] But that was like actually where I kind of stopped with the whole series because the map was so littered with stuff.


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[Assistant] And then you would go and then you would like spend 15 minutes getting it and it was literally just an orb so that way your counter would go like 16 out of 500 to be 17 out of 500. Like you know, and there's stuff like that in all those games, but I always like when it builds something. The new Spider-Man game, I guess not the new one anymore. The PS4 Spider-Man.


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[Assistant] I feel like did a really great job. I haven't played Miles Morales yet, but did a really great job of putting stuff on the map, but it all kind of like added towards something, you know, like each one was kind of like a mini campaign that you were embarking on. So.


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[Assistant] Part of me just wants to get it done.


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[Assistant] Playing a video game, I don't want to gamble, you know? Like, I want it to be like a- Sure, yeah. Confirmed experience. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, it's, it's funny, like you talk about trying to find games when you're older that, that don't necessarily fill your time with too much stuff. I, I've been playing through Demon's Souls, and uhm, something I never thought I would do. And, yeaah, Omar, you beat it, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I beat it. Nice. Uhm, and I like the idea of completing games, and I am, I am enjoying it a lot. Uhm, but, uh, I went to save my progress, so I was like gonna quit out of the game.


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[Assistant] And it shows you the time played.


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[Assistant] And it said 35 hours and I was like, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] What are you doing with your life? 35 hours you've put into this game, which is like, you know, most of the games, I feel like I actually have played a lot of games this year, but most of them like are not that long.


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[Assistant] I mean, I love distracting and entertaining myself any way possible. I mean, I'm probably like 50-50. There will be times where like,


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[Assistant] I have to, I have to accomplish something and I'm like, you have literally, you were sitting at a desk for 10 hours working all day.


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[Assistant] Like, you can, you can let go right now, but it doesn't, it's not a same reaction as it is for me. Uhm, that being said, I do like, I do like checking things off a list. Like, I love the idea of watching a movie, but maybe a movie that I haven't seen.


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[Assistant] You know, or if it's a movie I have seen, it's not, it's not that I'm just scrolling through, like, I'm so glad television, like, is gone for me. Like, the idea of turning on a television channel, not being able to choose what's on, and then just flipping a channel.


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[Assistant] In my youth, because it's the only reason I can pull up these references and like, no, I like basically can watch back the second half of Shawshank Redemption anytime I want to in my head, you know, because like it just is on and I love, I love being able to do that, especially with movies.


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[Assistant] For me now as an adult, I love the idea of checking things off the list. So it's the kind of thing where it's like, oh well, if I'm going to veg out, I do kind of want it to be working towards, even if it's working towards nothing, working towards


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[Assistant] And that'll be the new show, but in the back of my mind, I'm like, we didn't finish the first show. I need to go back and finish. I need to mark it off my list as something that's done. And I kind of feel the same way about video games too. So like you talking about like this, if, if I don't beat demon souls, then.


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[Assistant] I kind of forgot how to even play the game and didn't know where anything was and I was like, what a waste, what a waste. Like it's happened so, it happened twice with Fallout, it's happened so many times with so many different games and those.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I also, I will say admittedly, we treat this as a therapy session. Everyone can be our therapist on this. I'm admittedly not good at prioritizing some of those things. Like the idea of


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[Assistant] I just, I just finished watching, it was three sessions and I watched The Witches, The New Witches by Robert Zemeckis.


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[Assistant] And it didn't happen over the course of three evenings. I watched the first third, watched the second third, and then I think it was like two or three nights, but I felt like...


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[Assistant] Got it. I have to finish watching witches. Like, I didn't even like it that much. I mean, it was like, way worse in my opinion than the old one, the original movie.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it has so much, the old one had so much personality despite feeling like a bland hallmark made for TV movie. It had like had so much under the surface. Uhm, and this one felt like it was so bombastic but then had nothing, like it was just like a,


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[Assistant] But I still felt like I needed to finish it. I was like, I need to finish it that way I've watched witches and then it's done and then I haven't done it. But yet I have like a screenplay that's half finished. You know, like, you know, like when it's like, why can't I devote that energy there?


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[Assistant] Well I guess, I guess with movies at least it's a passive experience so it doesn't really require, like if, if the goal was to push a giant, well this is a bad example because it sounds like exercise, but say I hit an exercise and someone just said you have to push this giant boulder up a hill.


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[Assistant] Which is, I don't know, I mean, it's like, it's a weird, like, affirmation, I guess, you know, it comes out and has reviews and people have, uh, have, uh, opinions on it, right? And then you kinda wanna know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you want to know where you land on those opinions? Like, you know, speed racer comes out and you say, and everyone says speed racer sucks. You want to watch it to prove all of those people wrong in your head.


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[Assistant] But witches comes out and people say, it's not good. And then you watch it and you go, nah, everyone is right. Like, and I will say it starts out and like the nostalgia and the excitement that I have, cause I'm a big fan of Roald Dahl's books. Those are basically the books that were read to me when I was a kid.


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[Assistant] And the movies I grew up with, like that was like a big part of my childhood. I was like excited for the prospect of a filmmaker I like making a story that I like.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but it didn't, it didn't pan out for me. So I guess there was that initial motivation, that thrust of excitement, but then, yeaah, by the end of it I was like, oof.


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[Assistant] What else can I have done? Uhm, so yeaah, I dunno. It's a weird thing, and yeaah, I actually feel kinda similar, Lindsay, about like, sometimes the bigger games are easier to get through.


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[Assistant] I mean GTA 5 was a beast, and I remember there was a point where I sat down and I said NO.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna finish this, like I don't even care about what happens to Trevor. Like, I'm gonna finish this.


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[Assistant] I think that's gonna be a big bridge for me though, cause like yeaah, I started playing Ori on Game Pass and then Elise was like, well we should play it together. So, I'll give her time, I'll give her a couple months and if we don't play it together then I'll just sneakily play it without her knowing.


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[Assistant] Um, but, uh, but there's other stuff like Yakuza, Yakuza Zero, a game that I probably wouldn't just like sit down and like sit down on a couch and turn on a console to play this game that's, you know, been out for several years. Um, but if I can do it on the toilet, then maybe there's a chance. There's hope there.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, the switch, the switch has been a big part of that too. Like anything that you can just like grab, sit down and like watch while also doing something is like, that's perfect for me.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I, I played a ton of Hades, and I'm probably, I still often think, oh, maybe I should go back to Hades now, I'll do it tonight, like, and I have, uhm,


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[Assistant] I don't, I think I've done it, feel like I've done it way more. I had to, it got to the point in the game where I had to stop escaping.


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[Assistant] I had to like actively fail because every time you escape it basically loads in the way the dialogue and stuff works is it loads in new like dialogue responses to where you are in that stage in the game.


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[Assistant] And so you basically have to like die like four or five times to reset that and like, so like basically things will get queued. Apparently the way it works is dialogue stuff gets queued. So say you're trying to unlock a super weapon or something like that. And you're like, I just, Achilles just needs to tell me.


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[Assistant] What I need to do to unlock the weapon. I just need Achilles to tell me to do what I need to do to unlock the weapon, but he keeps talking about the story. So what you have to do is you basically lose a bunch in the first world and then it knocks that story thing down further down the queue and then pushes up the things that you need to say every single time.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but I did, I played all, all that time on Hades. It was me sitting down on a computer playing it on Epic.


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[Assistant] Uhm, so I did actually play a ton of, ton of Hades on the computer, so.


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[Assistant] But I, the whole time I was thinking if I got it on Switch, it would have been just, it would have been nonsense. It would have been brutal. Cause I played, played Hades around the same time I was playing Mario Galaxy again. And so only one of those probably would have gotten done. It would have been Hades for sure.


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[Assistant] Yeah. That's scary though. Isn't that scary? Cause it's like five years ago that I was


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[Assistant] Yeah, I never touched it kind of for the same reason. I was like, you know, everyone, it is a positive for the game. I want to emphasize that it is a positive thing when you, when you tell someone how much there is to do in the, in the world and the game and it's fantastic and you've played it for eight months. That is a positive, but for me it is terrifying. And, and that's kind of what happened with Witcher.


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[Assistant] People were like, which, which are three, they were like, oh my god, like, I'm caught in this game, the experience is wild, or you'll see.


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[Assistant] I, uh, I've spoken about it before at length, but Marvel Puzzle Quest?


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[Assistant] It's interesting when you have these things that are like in your life. They, so they just recently, I still play Marvel Puzzle Quest. I'll preface this by saying that I still play Marvel Puzzle Quest, um, daily, daily, daily. I have logged in and gotten the daily reward every single day. Um,


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[Assistant] And that includes any, like international travel, all kinds, like I find a way to connect to internet.


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[Assistant] And then log in to this game and play it every single day, even if it's like, oh, I know when the time ticks over because it's not at midnight.


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[Assistant] I know when the time takes over, so I'll do like technically twice in one day and then take the next day off, but it's still, it's still part of the 24 hour cycle.


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[Assistant] And they, they, I will say this, I picked good because for a game that is a match three, they have done so many updates. It's unrecognizable.


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[Assistant] Basically, like, other than still being the match 3 game, but like, anyone who's played for a while, it's like, it's unrecognizable, there's so many characters, I have all of them, and like, there's just so much in this, there's so much in this game, I can't imagine starting today.


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[Assistant] But they keep unlocking like new features because the game has just become this beast and they have to figure out a way for people to be able to like wrangle it.


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[Assistant] And they just recently unlocked this thing called Milestones.


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[Assistant] You're playing the game and more than just daily rewards, like you're accomplishing these long tail goals. Like, you know, you roster 50 characters, you roster 60 characters, you know, you have a four star, you have a five star. And when you hit these goals, you basically get to reap these rewards. And they just dropped this feature last week.


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[Assistant] And it counts your progress for most of those things up to where you are now.


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[Assistant] It felt pretty amazing. It felt pretty rewarding and I was actually able to use it. Like the game is essentially a machine at this point.


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[Assistant] Unless they change something majorly, like the pace at which they release things.


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[Assistant] Is a pace at which I will never fall behind. I will always manage to at least get the character and have the covers for the character so I can use the character. Like I'll never fall behind.


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[Assistant] Ever again, and then there's a super rare five star tier, which that's, that's still kind of luck of the draw if you're going to end up with one of those or not. But then there's a slightly lower tier, which is like four stars. And that's like, it's, it's just a matter of time.


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[Assistant] That I'm, it's not if I get that character full, it's just when, like it's probably gonna be two or three weeks or something like that of regular play.


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[Assistant] Um, but I recently crossed another thing cause I play daily and it shows you how many days you've played. And I was like, when the milestones happen, I was like, man, I've been with this game for so long. It's crazy. Like.


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[Assistant] Four years, like it's wild to think about having played a game for four years. And then I counted the days, I did the math.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four hundred and four years. It wasn't four years. Uh, today is day, uh, two thousand five hundred and seventy seven, which divided by three sixty five puts me at seven point oh six years of daily play of this mobile game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in my head I was like, four years, that's a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's concurrent days. I've unlocked 2,577 daily rewards. So that means that you divide that at 7 years. And I think the game only came out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing though, I'm still into the game. Like I of course, like at minimum, when we, when we were really busy traveling a lot and stuff, I would, I would make it a point to be like, I just got to get my daily reward. Just keep that, keep that going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now, like I said, it's kind of a machine I still enjoy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing the match 3, they release new characters like every couple weeks and so I always get them because of the machine that I've built in the game, the engine. And so it's never like, it's never like, oh I get bored because there's always a new thing for me to basically experience in the game over time. I spend no money on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The engine, the engine has moved beyond the need for financial contribution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I paid into the game it wouldn't help me because I've already created something so efficient. Uhm, but I still really enjoy the map 3 aspect of it and like even those milestones like basically gave me the in-game currency to unlock a bunch of like other characters that I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't really like have usable and now I'm like building new teams and like making stuff like that, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't go back to it, it's too much, too much to juggle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, so that I can maintain. And I also, I also study Spanish every single day. That is, well I will say something productive that I do. Uhm, that is, that is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say, I have duolingo streaks, huge long duolingo streaks as well, but like, I don't know, I don't speak Spanish. The problem with Spanish is that I feel like you need that extra step, you need that instruction or either that immersion, and you can study if you want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, I have, I do vocabulary exercises, so I have a pretty, a pretty big for a non-Spanish speaker, Spanish vocabulary that you show me a word and I can tell you what it means or you ask me a word and I can maybe pull the Spanish for it, but like, piecing it all together is like such a different piece.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you guys think, what would happen if YouTube had a like, concurrent viewer counter? So if you logged in every single day or every single upload that a channel put out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, maybe, maybe. I mean, there's, there's stuff like memberships, you know, like join channel memberships that unlock things at different tiers, but I'm just thinking like just Puget. No, just watch. Like basically the, the free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that'd be interesting. Well, I, I'm glad we kinda got off onto a tangent on that thing, but we have to, we are almost, we're burning through the time, and we have to hear a word from our sponsor, and when we come back, we wanna hear from you guys, so feel free to ask us some questions in chat, we're still gonna kinda, uh, shoot the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each degree is immersive and hands-on so you can learn your craft using the same tools and technologies found in the industry. Plus alumni can come back at any time to audit classes throughout their career and further their lifetime learning. Super.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] valuable when you're always trying to adapt to new skills. Full sale grads have gone on to do big things from mixing hit records to working on major Hollywood films, even winning Oscars, Grammys, and more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plus enrolled students receive a laptop along with industry software at deep institutional discounts. To learn more about full sales programs, as well as potential scholarship opportunities, visit fullsale.edu slash dude soup. That's fullsale.edu slash dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we are back. We have about, what do we got, like 15-20 minutes left? Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would watch, maybe what I need to do is I need to watch people play completionist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But looking at the ending feels like cheating. I feel like if I watch, cause like when I've done long play watches of video games, I feel like I've participated in them more than when I watched the ending of a video game, right? Yeah, absolutely. So if I watch some guy- I get that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so real quick, I just want to talk, we talked about what we've kind of, how we've been surviving 2020 through these games and stuff, but I wanted to ask you guys, what are your, 2021?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you suggested something before we started about that you, you take a photo of something that is like sentimental, but you don't necessarily want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real quick, we have a question from GayMilhouse, has, uh, you guys don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but, has drug use or drinking habits changed in the last nine months since everyone has been chilling at home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm kind of only a social drinker anyway, like I don't really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, I'm not like, oh, that person's dead. Um, I am not like, yeah, casual drinker. I'm not the kind of person who's like, I just want a beer with dinner. Like that's not, I've never, I don't think I've ever felt that way. I will say, I feel like I've probably bought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not really. No, it's weird. Like, I don't know, I'm so boring. I'm like, oh, you know what sounds good right now? An ice cold glass of water. And I've just, I think for my sanity's sake, tried to maintain some semblance of routine with like meals and stuff. So like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have my protein mix for breakfast, I have my protein mix for lunch, and then with dinner I have like a green, like basically green powder, veggie powder, that I mix in with a tall glass of cold water. Tequila? Oh. And a chan, just a hint of tequila.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and then that's kinda like my go-to dinner beverage. Um, and then other than that, during the day, I'm just going to probably be drinking water. So like, I've never felt that way. I will say I have bought more beer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've been using it to cook, so like put stuff in like instant pot and like, you know, slow cooker or things like that to make like shredded chicken or like, you know, different, different recipes. So weirdly I have done that, but like, yeah, not, not, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really any drunk sessions or anything like that. I mean, even before then, I would only get drunk at events. Like if, if the three of us were, were like, things were fine and we're like, Hey, we're going to go, let's go to Vegas this weekend and like hang out. I would probably get smashed because that to me sounds like a fun event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that sounds like a fun eventized thing. The idea of being like kinda tipsy and walking around with your friends like in Vegas is like sounds really fun. Uhm, and then in terms of like, I mean I don't really do any other drugs but like pot I guess, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, like, there have been like maybe a couple times where I'm like, I NEED TO ESCAPE, and then just like, try to get really high, but it's prob- like, I mean that probably doesn't happen until like, 10 or 11 PM anyway, and so I spend 90% of it being asleep, so it doesn't really matter anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, unknownmayo, have you done any digital social gatherings with drinking, like your drinking game show but off duty? Uh, had a blast with friends playing games while drunk over discord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, I mean, yeah, we've, we, I feel like we've done some hanging out a little bit. I know that I've, Elise and I have done some like watch parties, but I don't really feel like the drinking part never is, seems to factor in for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, with that stuff. I'm not like, hey, we're doing a watch party. You're, I'm talking to you on a screen while we're both watching a Christmas movie or something like that. I'm gonna get drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, cause, cause to me that feels like that could go real wrong, real fast. Like, they're not actually there, they can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look out for you or whatever and at a certain point the laptop tips and then it's a whole thing, you know, like seems dangerous, but what about you guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. If you, if you're the only one, it's hard. I think it's harder to get everyone on the same page socially. I mean, it's, it is 100% harder to get everyone on the same page socially when it's distanced. Like, uh, especially over like a zoom call or, or something like that or discord chat or whatever, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone feels like you have to come with a similar goal and everyone has to kind of want to have the expectations of getting a similar goal out of it. Uhm, that it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I think if everyone's like meeting at a bar, it's kind of different because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the social space. The expectations are there, yeah. Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's, yeah. The expectations are there but you have to kind of set the expectations in the age of digital socialization.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, otherwise it's going to be awkward and you're going to get in trouble and then you're just going to be like super stoned while everyone else is just trying to watch a movie and then you're like, and no one's saying anything. Like it's like, it's going to be like the worst version of all of that. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There has been, I mean, I like, looking forward to 2021, I guess for me, I want to take some of the good that came out of it, like some of the good things that happened and really like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because things have been the way they are, I've tried to be more conscientious about like reaching out to people and like maintaining social contact with people because you're not just gonna run into them, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I know for me, one of my main goals is like, when you can run into someone, that doesn't mean that you can't just shoot them a text and be like, Hey, what are you up to? Or you want to play a game or like, like you want to do something. Cause like, there's been a ton of people that I've gotten to spend more, more time with quotation marks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, this, uh, year, than I ever have before despite the fact that we're not together, you know, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, so I mean like you guys, you guys too, I feel like we're more in contact with each other and text message chains and, and you know, sharing things on the weekends and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even when we did like the discord, all of us playing games and like, like stuff like that was really fun that probably you wouldn't think to do if things weren't normal. Um, but yeah, there's, there's been, I've gotten to spend, I've started an Overwatch team, which is a lot of fun. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, so there's, it's, uh, Blaine, Joel Rubin, Andy Cortez, uh, Tam and Lucy, uh, there's a bunch of people who just like, we casually mentioned over Twitter that like, oh, we like playing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bill Doerr mentions Valleyfolk, uhm, like, there's a lot of collaborations that I feel like we've gotten to do this year, people we've gotten to work with. Yeaah. In Funhaus, and even just outside of Funhaus, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That have, wouldn't have happened if we were only looking at who was under the roof of the office, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, the realism is that I guess there's an audience tolerance for it. You know, like there is, there is a limiting factor that like, I think some people will go, I, I, I deem this acceptable, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I deem this is acceptable because I understand the conditions of things. And then if the conditions were different, they may be like, oh, why, why I don't want this person here or whatever. But I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just in general 2021, we're going to definitely keep that momentum going because it is fun and refreshing for us. I think as, as producers and creators to have new voices and have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because they have more to dream. It's because they're older, so they have more to dream, Omar. That's why I always say, Benson, every time you take him somewhere, he goes somewhere, he's creating new memories, so that way he can go there in his dreams and run free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do we know if their nightmares are not? Is he running from something bad or running to something good? We don't know. Oh god, I should wake him up. Uh, do we wake him up? Do I have to wake up every time he's doing, making noise? Uh, oh well. Now, now I can't enjoy that anymore. Thank you, Elise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we are almost out of time, this podcast is absolutely flown by, uhm, we are almost out of time, but it wouldn't be a James Willems Funhouse podcast if we didn't have one segment that people are calling the most popular thing on the internet. Cody?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome everyone to Mountup for Morbius, the biggest podcast segment slash its own show that exists within another podcast, uh, devoted to the upcoming Sony slash tiny, very tiny, very, very tiny font, Marvel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, film, uh, Morbius, starring everyone's, parentheses, favorite Spider-Man villain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Michael Morbius. Uhm, and uh, you should know this Omar, I've covered it about 10 months ago on this show. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but, uh, for those of you who are new to this, welcome, and we expect you to stay for a very long time. This is, we're covering, we're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Counting down the weeks, the days, the months, the years at this point to the release of, uh, Morbius starring Jared Leto. Uhm, and, uh, and so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is huge. This is such a huge and such a great way to go out for 2020. There is new Morbius news straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of Tokyo Comic Con is a brand new Morbius trailer presented by Jared Leto himself that was premiered at Tokyo Comic Con and we are now premiering here again, second premiere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is huge, this is huge guys. So I, I have, now so obviously we can't play the whole thing, because uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because, you know, it's someone else's trailer, someone else's property. So I did have to trim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there you go, 2021, brand new. You can check, you can find out more info about that at Morbius-movie.jp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want to watch more, I have, you know, I recommend everyone that was just kind of our live reaction. I recommend everyone going and checking out the full trailer in without freeze frames all over it. So you can really see the stuff, but yeah, big, big reveals from big takeaways from that confirmed that he has sonar. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's about it. That's all that's new. And this song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he was in the first trailer, and if you notice every single time the mountup for Morbius header plays, that clip is there. For some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going, 2020 is going out on a high note. We're getting, we're getting, the vaccine is getting shipped all over and, uh, and we also got a brand new Morbius trailer. So if you ask me, this is the planet trying to heal itself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, something tells me that is not the same odds as you would get in Vegas, but still.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're planning a bunch of content to go up over the holidays to make sure that even if we're not in the office on Christmas, you guys get videos and stuff on those days. So there's a lot of stuff coming down the pipeline so much so. We got new abandonwares coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Elise, what do we got? Oh, we have the continuation of our Christmas film house bracket. Um, part two, uh, is a lot of fun. We have three weeks of that. So hold on. Yeah. Part two of three. Nice. Um, and, uh, Super Mario maker. Oh, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, tear down, and then also we do have, I believe at some point, a board game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We do have a holiday board game Bananza that will be coming to you guys, uh, soon. So I won't tell, I won't tell you too much about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then we also have a big stream day Friday. We're doing a lot of collaborations with people. So, uh, please come join us. Check it out. Um, thank you to everyone participating in the Rooster Teeth chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we would be nothing without the Morbius fans. And uh, thank you to Omar and Lindsay for coming on the, coming on the show. Thanks, James! Thanks for having me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of course. Alright everybody, take care and we'll see you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi everyone, my name is Ryan Haley. I'm an editor at Funhaus. Been there a couple years now. Uh, it's good, good to meet you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I mean, it's a whole other beat, uh, there's probably people that just listened to Dude Soup that are now for the first time being like, who the hell is this voice? Who is Ryan? And I'm trying to tell them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be scared that the stories I was reading were bullshit and they were just made up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That probably would be my second thought. My last thought would be that Santa is real and that he actually came to my house. Lindsay. How old are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My thought would be, I'm gonna go check my ring doorbell and find Santa on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you could just save the picture, probably, and then put on your secret folder that says like, tax documents, and then that's your porno folder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I would look at it and just draw it by memory later. That's how I would save mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being at, uh, it was a, it was a seventh grade basketball, uh, end of the year, seventh grade basketball party. And we were at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was disgusting. The first porn we saw was weird. And I remember me and two other people, we left the room like responsible kids like my mom had taught me to. And then later on when everyone, when all the parents found out about the porn party, they go, well Ryan left because he's a good kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and I did, I did exactly her wishes, so I feel like I've scored, I'm child of the year basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but have they gotten all the kinks worked out on these things? I mean, I've seen these movies. They never end well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was my ballpark. That was my ballpark, yeaah. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But hey, Elise, hypothetically. No, I think like 1200.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $1,200. That's like barely a Burning Man ticket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeah, I mean, we're talking dinosaurs here. We're talking a miracle of, of science and by all, and I've always wanted to see dinosaurs. Yeah. To especially get to go up close and personal to the dinosaurs. I think 10 to $15,000 is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Steep, but fair, although Elise hypothetically, hey, I'm a travel agent. I have a ticket. It's worth $16,000. Are you not going to take that ticket?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but back in the day, I know you like to go to the movie theater. Why would you ever go to the movie theater? You can just find all that shit on YouTube or something. You know, why would you, uh, uh, go spend for the fun, exclusive experience up close and personal when you could just, you know, pay nothing and get it later? A picture of a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about this, like all these Russian billionaires and stuff, are we gonna pay like 200,000 to like a million just to go to outer space for like 45 minutes here? Yea, that's because they're Russian billionaires. And money means nothing to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not just that cheetahs exist, it's that, hey, James, here's cheetahs that existed a bazillion years ago and we made them exist today by poof, miracle, DNA, I mean that's different than a normal zoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'd go a little stronger to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, some hardcore psychedelics for Santa. To me, Santa's probably, you know, he's thousands and thousands of years old. He's probably a little jaded. Novelty of Christmas is probably worn off a little bit. I'd want to give him some, a little head change to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To really spice up Christmas, kinda, kinda get him, get him back to his roots to kinda have him remember why he got into the game in the first place. Okay. Uh, so I, I, I, that's what I'd do for Santa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] High quality liquid LSD, a whole cup of it, in a Christmas glass mug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I expect him to just chug it right there. I mean, Santa, it's, I get the feeling that he's a wild man, that he,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll do just about anything for a good old jolly laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, yeaah, he probably would just not think twice. He'd probably see it. He'd see my cup mug. It would, in Sharpie and tape, it would say liquid LSD for Santa, and he would go, HUAH! And then he'd just take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I was just gonna say, uh, uh, I have an answer to this, a solution to this. I made a video about it. Oh, please. You can look it up on YouTube. It's called Butt Condoms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, never wipe again with butt condoms or condoms for your butt. So you literally right before you poop, you would just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it's literally saran wrap on your ass, yes, uhm, with a little hole for the poop to come out of, uh, and, uh, that's exactly, any more questions?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so there's a little part, you shove the tip of the butt condom up into your anus, then you spread the rest out around the cheeks, so that basically your entire butt and inner anus is wrapped in plastic, and then when you poop...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You make your own, you cut out your own size of your butt, you size it to your own butt, and then you do it yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. I could not have come up with a better metaphor myself, James. You know how butt cons work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a q-tip for your hand. Or a mitt, I think a mitt's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People with long acrylic nails, you know ASMR and stuff? The one ASMR I would like is somebody with long acrylic nails typing on a keyboard like at a DMV for like 10 hours. Cause that's a nice sound.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I, I, I, I, I really, I don't like, uh, it kind of freaks me out. It's like an extra ten appendages you have that are all long and, uh, it looks like alien kind of, um, fangs, um, freaks me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I, I, I was thinking about, I, I, I was, I think a small thing that, uh, is fun to do that is, uh, like tipping people that should, that, that don't normally get tipped, you know? Like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] McDonald's drive-thru worker, like, hey, don't even like give him an option, just be like, oh yeah, three bucks, here you go, take it. And then just go like, aah, then you drive away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, things like that. People are like, oh cool, I got extra money for no- thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reusing raw materials, you know, to me reincarnation people actually talk about, it's like your soul and, and you know, your life, you, your, everything you are is, is transferred into another entity. Yeah. You can maybe unlock memories and shit. It's like, I don't believe that person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you're talking simulation theory. That's my theory. That's the one I'm subscribed to. Alright? So, yeah. Heaven is just the- Kindred spirit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, uh, uh, lots of music. I want there to just be cool, um, shows everywhere that I can go to. Go see all the dead musicians I never got to go see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I can see that. Uh, streaming, service, gift cards, what's something that people are forced to do at home?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have a lot of- my friends are all pretty different people. I feel like I don't have a standard type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being there, the, uh, Peter Sellers, Hal Ashby movie. Chonce the Gardener. Chonce the Gardener. It ends, the last line you hear is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm is the, the grandpa from Problem Child saying, uhm, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dot dot dot, and life is a state of mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember just like that movie, like the credits rolling. I'm just like, listen, like life's a state of mind. Life is a state. And then he walks on water. Yeah. The main character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, uh, so then, uh, that always stuck with me and just like being like, oh, it's just like a mindset. You can choose, you can, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be in a shitty situation, suffering or whatever, but you can, you know, trick your mind into...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not feeling that way. You can choose your own feelings sometimes, you know, and that stuck with me and helped my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I always forget that I can pull my backseat back and access my trunk from inside my car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, I'll be like driving sometimes, like on a road trip, and I'll be like, damn it, I don't wanna like pull, I need to get something out of my trunk, but I don't wanna pull over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'll tell some, oh wait, person in the back, can you just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pull the seat and you can go to my trunk and get that thing for me. Uhm, please get that joint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're kind of like the, the, the Clark Kent Superman version of like, oh, we're going to send this per- this is what aliens idea of a man looks like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's James, we'll send our only son to save Earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you two should be telling us. Thank you very much. Oh wow, I like that you kaboom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've been in love. I was in love in college. And, uh, it was awesome. It was cool. But now she's in love and married with someone else, so it's over. God damn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of just know when you're, you know, you're around, it's a vibe thing. You're around somebody and then it's like, okay, this, this person's awesome. And then you kind of work backwards to me. It's like, like, okay, now let's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get to know each other better, you know? But without, I've never personally been like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We kind of get along a little bit and then over time gradually like we get, we.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It got way stronger. I mean that happens, but it's more just like one of those like for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of know from the get go a little bit, but then you can, the flip side of that is that you can kind of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get too picky, I guess, or something where it's like, okay, or, or, or you're around somebody for a little bit and it's like, well, this isn't working. And you move on, but maybe it would have worked. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean how many, what is the success rate on that show? Like, like how, of the, how many seasons are they actually together at this point? It's gotta be less than five. Like we're getting married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's hard, it depends on what you're asking, because the word rock has kind of like lost all meaning at this point, like in terms of, are you talking about old rock and roll?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Maroon 5, there you go. See? Or do you think Nickelback? Or do you think Elvis? Or do you think Chuck Berry? Or what? Muddy Waters? I guess that's more blues. But anyway, I guess at the end of the day, your layman would say that the heavy metal is just more heavily distorted guitar, is I think the crux of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More distorted guitar and, uh, and, and more emphasis on crazier drums. But then rock and roll is very broad and can be lots of things from, yeah, life house. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heavy metal is totally under the rock umbrella, absolutely.