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[Assistant] I don't want that job. I'm going to come back as the OC actually this year. The Lions OC said, I don't actually want to go to Washington. I'm good here in Detroit. And it wasn't only him. It was some other coaches as well that said, I'm going to take my name out of consideration. I'm going to come back.


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[Assistant] And that to me was more surprising than anything else when I saw that.


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[Assistant] That will happen, actually. It's hard to get to the conference championship game as a Cowboys fan, I can tell you.


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[Assistant] My guess right now is that we are going to be promoting Joe Whitfield Jr. to defensive coordinator. That is who I think is going to be our defensive coordinator.


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[Assistant] But yea, if you, all signs are pointing towards that. I know, uh, Diggs did come out and say he wanted Al Harris to be, uh, former Green Bay Packer, uh, coach. However, again, we don't know who, uh, Dan Quinn is going to be taking on our squad to


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[Assistant] Yeah, the knock on Dan Quinn is that in big games he always falls apart.


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[Assistant] And, uh, that has pretty much been the case. We look great in every game that does not matter. And then when we get to something where something is on the line, our defense falls apart.


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[Assistant] Alright, it was like that last game we played, every game though, and we just happened to outscore our opponents. We went from one of the worst defense to a defense that was getting the most turnovers in the league last season. So, it's not like he's...


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[Assistant] A little bit of everything. Let me ask you guys this question. Which, we're not getting Joe Berry or Matt.


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[Assistant] Sean, Sean Desai. We'll take Sean Desai over all of them. Uhm.


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[Assistant] What coach do you think is going to the worst position? Like worst case scenario, this guy's set up for failure.


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[Assistant] Do you think in retrospect teams like the Falcons regret not pulling the trigger when you could have gotten Lamar Jackson?


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[Assistant] What does that say about Herb if he doesn't even make the playoffs again with a new head coach, a new regime coming in?


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[Assistant] Our biggest acquisition so far has been Brandon Cooks for a fifth round pick.


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[Assistant] And he's been pretty good for us, but I'm looking to see us get someone who can be a difference maker, especially on the defensive line potentially, so you can free Micah up. Uhm, so we'll see. We will see. I'm very interested to see how this offseason plays out for our team.


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[Assistant] So I think it's something like that. We look at what the Rams did, see if we can do something like that. But to your point, Brandon, we did have one of the worst drafts in the history of Dallas Cowboys drafts this past season. And I think that was a reason why we were sent back a lot. One of our key linebackers actually got injured.


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[Assistant] Alright, I think it's time for us to preview this Super Bowl matchup.


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[Assistant] So we got the Golden State Warriors going up again. I don't know a good comparison. The Cleveland Cavaliers.


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[Assistant] What are the keys though to success for the Chiefs to win? If the Chiefs are going to win, this has to happen.


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[Assistant] Travis Kelsey will be proposing to Taylor Swift after he wins. I've seen the script. Uh, Chiefs by two touchdowns. I like it. No, we're not trading CD for Kaderi.


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[Assistant] That he doesn't need to get the same amount of rings to be considered the GOAT. Do you guys agree or disagree with that?


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[Assistant] A head and shoulder shampoo and take a picture at the Superbowl with me.


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[Assistant] I got a Cowboys defensive coordinator search type video. Cowboys, we'll figure out the title at a later point. That's what it's about though. Coming out tomorrow. This has been Clickbait Sports though.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go seven and a half inches. That's a nice size. That's a good size. I'm gonna go eighteen.


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[Assistant] Yes, but we all decided to wear our Brandon Purner shirts in the greatest


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[Assistant] He said Dak Prescott is mid, what he said.


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[Assistant] We've seen the sad outcome when a receiver loses his step.


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[Assistant] It's, it's not pretty. We saw it when it happened to Dez Bryant.


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[Assistant] You know, he wasn't as explosive. Uh, Megatron did the same thing, remember? Megatron retired in his prime because he hated the Detroit Lions. And, uh, maybe, uh, Eric Hill just hates Stephen Ross and the Miami... No, here's the thing. I'll be serious for a second.


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[Assistant] Do I have to talk like a bear? Do I have to be a bear the whole time? No, please don't.


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[Assistant] Sorry. Uh, my thing is is how many of y'all have met former NFL players?


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[Assistant] How many of them are healthy? Are, are perfectly healthy. Maybe, you know, one or two that didn't play. Like everyone has a trick knee of some kind. Everyone has some neck or spinal injury. They all have to get an acupuncture. Like they're all banged up.


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[Assistant] In their post NFL careers, most all of them. If Tyreek is healthy and he can leave on top with his body still intact, like.


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[Assistant] I think it should be called Kelsey Palooza, honestly. Kelsey Jam sounds like a low budget porno movie.


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[Assistant] Oh. They should fly us out there and we should dance like we're in a rave.


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[Assistant] If it was Eli Manning's dad jokes, like just Eli Manning on stage telling dad jokes, yes, I would go.


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[Assistant] That sounds like the worst rave ever. Maybe the Wiggles will be there.


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[Assistant] A player we talked about earlier, Tyreek Hill, we didn't mention a single thing about his past, because we forgot about it.


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[Assistant] Jalen Carter, no one's going to remember, I mean, not like we didn't forget, but I'm just saying, it's not like we're going to remember him when he, if he's on your team and he gets, you know, nine sacks and two picks. You're going to be like, oh, oh yeah, what a pickup. I don't care that he was involved.


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[Assistant] His shoulder is toast. Like how can he, cause like if you're a backup.


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[Assistant] Especially for, for him, he's gonna wanna pick a team where he could actually play. He has not looked good the last two years. He has looked awful. His, his shoulder is repaired with duct tape and surgical tubing.


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[Assistant] No, there's plenty. No. Sam Howell's probably worse.


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[Assistant] Ask every commander's fan if they're in on Sam Howell. They're like, uh, no.


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[Assistant] I think if Brandon gets punished, he should just become a t-shirt. He should just...


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[Assistant] He should be a giant Brandon T-shirt. Somehow.


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[Assistant] Will you STF you? I'm trying to talk here. Everyone should go around and make up one rumor about their team that is completely false and hopefully it gets picked up on the internet and then we all just get labeled as merchants of untruth.


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[Assistant] Uh, Daniel Jones will get traded to the Ravens along with two first round picks for Lamar Jackson in a...


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[Assistant] Sign, swap, and trade, and Lamar Jackson will be a New York giant.


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[Assistant] Three years, fully guaranteed. Just to dump Daniel Jones' contract.


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[Assistant] I think Ben Roethlisberger should teach the team sensitivity training.


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[Assistant] Right, someone is gonna dumpster dive in his trash and find his lactate, like receipts that show that he buys lactate and they're gonna be like, what is this?


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[Assistant] This was a dumpster fire today. Brandon!


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[Assistant] But no, we did not create it. Oh, a 50 bomb!


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[Assistant] I mean, he fits in with the cowboy's culture, for sure. He'd be a perfect bangle, honestly.


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[Assistant] Yes, well we have to explain, we have to be explained how to do this.


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[Assistant] Okay, so if the question is like, is Brandon cool?


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[Assistant] I was on, I was barking up the right tree. I was barking up the right tree. I was scratching the right cocaine tree.


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[Assistant] John L, I meant to type John Elway there, that's JM, my bad. Okay. Jim Kelly, uh, Rick Meyer? No. Rick Meyer, wake up.


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[Assistant] Who, uh, changed, like, what, okay, this is too much.


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[Assistant] Oh, uhm, who was- Now I'm blinkin'.


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[Assistant] Is it a tie? Then it's settled with super chats.


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[Assistant] I did honor my. If it were in Denver, I would do it. I would definitely.


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[Assistant] Okay, you have to watch it, you have to watch it and prove that you watched it and then do a review and tell us where the funny parts were and then maybe read back some of the funny jokes and deliver them as if you were Tom Brady.


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[Assistant] Uh, next week I will not be here. I will be in Arizona.


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[Assistant] Hey, power to ya. Train that swing. The calendar, I hired a designer, he will be making the calendar. Scooter, you know him well.


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[Assistant] Brandon, you need bench warmer brew. You look a little tired.


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[Assistant] I'm doing the forgotten leagues of football, like the World Football League, the CFL, the Continental Football League, a nice little stroll down defunct football leagues that you've probably never heard of.


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[Assistant] I am not getting a phone call, but you're probably getting a phone call unless the Echo is now driving me off. All I'm going to say is the Ravens lost that game at least 20 times over. They should have beat the Steelers by 30.


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[Assistant] They were accounted for seven receiver drops and most of these were right in the breadbasket. First in ten, twenty yard pass to save flowers. Awful.


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[Assistant] In the red zone, Mark Andrews, off his hands. Rashad Bateman, easy sketch, good make, oops, dropped, forced a field goal. Nelson Aguilar goes back to his Philadelphia days, right in the breadbasket, nope, dropped there. Rashad Bateman, another drop too.


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[Assistant] So, it was nothing the Steelers did. It's, the Ravens played like crap and they decided to go for it on a fourth and two with like, in the second quarter, they were gonna go up by two scores.


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[Assistant] B.S. their way to a bunch of splash plays and the other team self-destructing and we somehow win. That's usually how it happens. It like turns into one big acid trip and then you find out with another one it's like...


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[Assistant] But it's one of the worst offenses in football. And the defense has been getting blown out in several games. So it's like, how are we in first?


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[Assistant] It's losing Leighton van der Esch for about six, four to six weeks. Will that have an impact on the defense? Gosh, you're losing pieces man.


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[Assistant] Well, the owner dresses up as Sasquatch, so that's not really a Bigfoot video, though. That's all I'm gonna say.


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[Assistant] Honestly, that offense is rather sluggish for the Chiefs right now. It is not up to standard. There are a lot of issues with drops. They're not really getting into the right sequencing. Like they've been having trouble dispatching certain opponents. And I think they do win, but it's going to be like by one score. I don't think it's going to be a blowout like everyone expects. So what's your score prediction? I would say 21 to 17. Ooh. Actually, I'm going to


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[Assistant] Yes, count it down. Put it out of our misery, let's go.


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[Assistant] 148.95. I did not win. Thank the Lord.


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[Assistant] Okay. Okay. Are we back? Were we ever gone? That's the question. Were we ever here?


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[Assistant] I don't think, to be honest, like, are we even a state of being or are we just a fiction of our own imaginations?


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[Assistant] Brandon, I have a quick question. Are you willing to give your hamstring to Jerry Judy if he stays healthy this year?


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[Assistant] Yeah, everyone's doing it. Let him eat the microphone, you know, maybe he's on a diet, maybe he needs his macros. This is probably the protein. Fuck it, let's eat some mics.


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[Assistant] I proved it through HR. Honestly, let's appreciate this. Let's appreciate this for a moment. We are not going to hear anything about overrating the Dallas Cowboys this week. It is the greatest blessing of our time.


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[Assistant] The sad thing is too, we don't even know what Trey Lance is. Everyone's saying like, oh, Trey Lance didn't do well last year. No crap, because he played the Chicago Bears in an extremely rained out game where you couldn't predict what a cubic could be. He was used as a running back in his rookie year where he didn't really.


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[Assistant] So we, we don't know what he is. He was supposed to be a very raw project with high upside. This was supposed to be the kind of guy that Kyle Shanahan would develop as a QB Whisperer. I'm going to be quite honest.


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[Assistant] I mean, this is the kind of stuff that gets people fired.


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[Assistant] Because you traded three first round picks. This is supposed to be the future of your franchise. You threw a third overall.


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[Assistant] They made a deep run out of spite. They had a chorus around him. Look at the talent they have on their roster.


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[Assistant] They had Christian McCaffrey. They have a bunch of different running backs. Cal Yuscheck, the best fullback in the league. George Kittle, generational talent at tight end. You could honestly argue Debo Samuel, who's looking like a special, specialized.


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[Assistant] Fred Warner, probably the best middle linebacker in football right now. Tell Noah Hufanga, Troy Polamalu Jr.


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[Assistant] It's ironic if you think about it because they were actually the benefactors of an extremely desperate reach up as well. Mitch Trubisky.


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[Assistant] But you have to remember, guess who they picked after...


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[Assistant] That they, after their selection, they had a lot of defensive talent come up there too. They picked Solomon Thomas who does nothing.


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[Assistant] He was in a log jam. He went to the Raiders, I think, and he's more or less a fringe guy or like a spot starter. He hasn't become much at all.


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[Assistant] Which has me wonder, is there an issue with their talent assessment or is it just something in terms of their player development?


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[Assistant] I legitimately think they have the best shot because if you look at their offense, one of the best offensive lines in that division, they've really overhauled their defense. If Desmond Ritter becomes anything competent,


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[Assistant] Oh, they did. You're right. They traded, I think a mid round pick and I think I two mid round picks to get them. And then he was just like a mess his rookie year. And I don't, I, once again, I don't know how much of that was him and how much was just the mess of a system and team that the Cardinals were that year. They abandoned them in a year. And I mean, at this rate, I mean,


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[Assistant] Like, I couldn't tell, but that's worst case scenario. Uh, but in terms of what he is now, I mean, I'm trying to think who like really is Zach Wilson, but Zach Wilson's had more raps.


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[Assistant] It part of me feels like that Shanahan's setting up lands to fail and especially in a lot of like the first week of the preseason, like there weren't many open routes in most of those sacks.


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[Assistant] That's what it feels like to me. I might be wrong, but that's the kind of vibe I'm getting.


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[Assistant] I would say he goes to the Sean Murphy or the Sean McVay School of quarterback revivals.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna say one thing real quick. You're not getting Trey Lance in Minnesota, you're getting Aaron Rodgers next year. He's doing the Brett Farf cycle.


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[Assistant] Chris Jones, uh, Kansas be seeing him this year wi I'm getting, I'm getting on bell vibes. We get reme week seven and that never how much is he making like I know he wants more gar


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[Assistant] Wow. And if that happens, he ain't staying in San Francisco. They don't have the cap.


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[Assistant] Jacobs is unfortunately in kind of a rock and a hard place because most, there's still some decent free agent running backs out there. I mean, Dalvin Cook got snagged up, Zeke got snagged up, and unfortunately we'll talk about this later too. Jonathan Taylor is now in the market. So, it is what, I mean,


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[Assistant] Josh, I mean, you're a great runner. You're going to have a nice future, but I, you might have to swallow.


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[Assistant] Well, bad happen with Rob Gorgonkowski in safety, if you remember the Miami Miracle. Yes.


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[Assistant] Not bad news. Honestly, you're lucky it's not a season ender like it was for Tim Patrick and, uh, it may be KJ Hammer.


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[Assistant] Honestly, it's best that we don't hear because it's just you running your mouth about stupid crap.


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[Assistant] We kind of hear you don't know who Isaiah Simmons is. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] The only people that didn't know that was going to be terrible was the Bidwells. Like that was it.


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[Assistant] You know who we need to see this year? The week one super stud of the preseason Malik Cunningham. Let's go.


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[Assistant] If we're speaking about calamities, let's talk about a little situation in Indianapolis. Jonathan Taylor. Demanding a trade.


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[Assistant] Jim Marseille's pretty much run himself into a corner again. He's now looking for deals.


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[Assistant] And there are a couple of Philadelphia is hot on t few other teams could use maybe the Raiders decide t


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[Assistant] To our friend, uh, Josh Jacobs, maybe a Jacobs for Taylor trade could be in the works, but I know that, um, the situation is getting ugly and apparently yes, till Tuesday to find trade. So my question is Brandon, let's start with you. Do you think?


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[Assistant] They have no leverage at this point. They've destroyed the relationship. It's weird. I mean, Jim Ursay is pretty much like, proving himself to be a clown. Again. Cause like, if he kept his mouth shut, Jonathan Taylor would be in camp line.


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[Assistant] Cause what, what happened on that bus? Cause they had a private meeting and after that, just Taylor just got so pissed off that he said, screw it. I ain't being there.


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[Assistant] And now they're talking about playing on the non-football injury list. Yeah. And you know, stripping them of a salary, which I mean, if you want a good way to screw over a player, Redskins know all about that with Trent Williams.


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[Assistant] I know as I said, Philadelphia is the one team I'm hearing about rumors looking into the deal. And just watch, they'll probably trade them for...


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[Assistant] I mean, honestly, I'd rather have Taylor over Nachi. That's just me.


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[Assistant] That the Bears have had a quarterback since the Great Depression. So I understand their mentality, but Fields hasn't proven he can throw accurately yet.


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[Assistant] Like, let's pump the breaks, let them play in the season. If it works out, great, you have a quarterback. If not, I mean...


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[Assistant] Well, I mean, I get you were a member of the Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz, but I understand maybe it's a tough subject for you, but you have to learn to let it go.


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[Assistant] That's the, I mean, everything just like, uh, goes crazy.


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[Assistant] Also, like, your feelings on the race.


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[Assistant] Wow. What's up guys and welcome to the new and improved Clickbait. That's right guys, we're changing things up this week and every week going forward. This week we have three 15 minute segments. The first segment is the Clickbait you know and love condensed from there.


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[Assistant] We got an interview. We got a special guest lined up for you guys. That five was able to come on the show to bring on the show rather. And we're going to end that. We're going to end with this 15 minute segment of some live improv games. I'm excited, but I'm not doing this on my own. Joining me for the new and improved clickbait we have.


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[Assistant] To my left. It is that Packers fan that you know and love. Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for Tom Grossi. Tom, how are you doing today? I'm wearing pants. Whoa, you have pants on today? That's a new


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[Assistant] Giants fan, 5.5. How are we doing today?


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[Assistant] Let's see how it plays out though. And last, but certainly not least, we have your favorite yinzer. This man was on national television. We're going to get into all of that. Urinating Tree, how are the vibes today?


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[Assistant] This whole thing is an experiment. And like I said, we are going to get into all NFL news. Aaron Rodgers saga. It's still still dragging on Lamar Jackson. It's still dragging on. Anthony Richardson had dinner.


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[Assistant] The panthers owner. We're gonna get into all of that, but before we do, ladies and gentlemen, five points entry. Take us through.


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[Assistant] What happened? Why were you on TV? What was going on in New York? Set it up for us.


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[Assistant] We're gonna transition now into the NFL news. We got about 8 minutes to talk about everything that's been happening in the NFL. Let us begin with player safety, uh, because it was just announced that


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[Assistant] It appears as if the NFL is allowing teams to play two Thursday night football games this year.


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[Assistant] That's fair. That's fair. Tom, rapid reaction.


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[Assistant] See, uh, two games now. You can play two Thursday night football games. How are we feeling about this?


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[Assistant] I'm not opposed to that. I'm not opposed to that. Some other changes though in the NFL, uh, some rules came out that did not get approved.


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[Assistant] They were having a rule voted on that said you can challenge if this was actually roughing the passer or not, did not get approved. Why do we think that is, Tom?


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[Assistant] Oh, they'll double down somewhere below, but that's what I've done. That's fair. Uhm, you've never been moving though, and we're going to get into the sagas. Uh, Aaron Rodgers still on the pack. Still not traded.


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[Assistant] Tom, take us through the latest. What's been going on? I can do it all with my eyes closed, guys.


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[Assistant] We'll talk about Lamar Jackson, we'll talk about some, uh, some of these other things later, but...


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[Assistant] I'm going to hand this over to Five now, and Five if you want to do an intro, we can get our guy in here and chat. If you guys have any questions that you would like to ask Theo as well, make sure you're commenting those in the chat and maybe we can relay some of those to him. But Five, the floor is yours.


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[Assistant] To get right, you gotta put yourself out there. All I'm saying is I'm with you, Theo.


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[Assistant] I predict the cowboys to go 2 and 15.


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[Assistant] So, Anthony Richardson, first of all, I don't know if you saw the throws he was able to make today, uh, and he had dinner with the owner, uh, yesterday, yesterday night. Anything? Is this something or nothing, Phil? Let us know.


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[Assistant] Every Gator fan loves Anthony Richardson. What we hated was that our coach didn't play this man and was playing Emory Jones over him for a large portion of the season. So when he left early, we felt like we didn't even get to


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[Assistant] The best of Anthony Richardson because he's leaving early. That's how most UF fans are feeling.


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[Assistant] If you had to, let's say hypothetically, add $300 to one of our accounts, one of us, Five, Brandon, Tree, Tom, or myself, what would you give the $300 to?


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[Assistant] I appreciate you coming through today. Uh, we'll see. I will definitely be waiting to see for Jordan Love what happens there and I will tweet you when he throws his first interception or three.


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[Assistant] Uh, you know, I'm just looking for someone who's gonna treat me right, you know, hold me.


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[Assistant] At nighttime, maybe go on long walks with me on the beach. Just someone who's there for me, who truly understands the struggle that is being a Cowboys fan. That's what I'm looking for.


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[Assistant] Uh, yes, I do have a question. This goes to contestant number one as well as contestant number two. If we were to go out on a date, can you describe the perfect first date?


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[Assistant] I mean, maybe, maybe. I mean, I'm feeling like contestant number two is some.


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[Assistant] Owner of some sort, like he's got some deep pockets. You know, I've always said I wouldn't mind dating an owner. Oh.


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[Assistant] What's, what do you like to eat for food?


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[Assistant] Well, you know, honestly, I'm not really into, you know, like, uhm...


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[Assistant] What's it called when humans eat other humans? Cannibals. Cannibalism. I'm not into cannibalism like that. So I'm gonna go ahead and have to let Dan Campbell go contestant number three. It's just not my vibe.


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[Assistant] Contestant 1 and contestant 2, I have an idea but I feel like I need to get to know them a little bit better.


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[Assistant] Okay, uh, and contestant number two, I know that you're this big wig, I know that you're this owner, I kinda like the accent, can't hold you.


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[Assistant] Uhm, but I'm just, I need some more clarification. You know, I know you're not...


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[Assistant] My owner, Jerry Jones, I know, I know you're not Jerry.


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[Assistant] Tom, ask this man another question. Okay.


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[Assistant] I got some Final Four action coming out tomorrow. Preview. Fans before.


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[Assistant] Real quick, opening day, three and five. Who's winning? Who's winning it all this year?


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[Assistant] That's all I know, this man's goaded, okay? Do some research.


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[Assistant] Scooter! I just gotta ask Tom. Cause I was watching Tom's stream.


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[Assistant] Throughout the game, right? I was there when tree called you. I was in the chat. Just honestly, I felt bad.


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[Assistant] And I'll say this, you are the only Packers fan that I feel bad for. Literally all other fans. I don't care.


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[Assistant] Sit down, y'all lost. I can't sit down. What?


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[Assistant] Personally, for you, you feel bad because you always give us great content and this year the Packers content must cease. I just want to know, during that game,


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[Assistant] What went wrong, and where did you know, you know what, we actually, we're in trouble, actually, we might lose, actually, we're going to lose. When was that moment? That's what I want.


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[Assistant] And we get a side-by-side with Tulsi Gaffer. That's all I'm asking for, because it is uncanny.


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[Assistant] Now, back to the Packers. I just got a couple more questions for you, Tom. Obviously, number one.


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[Assistant] What does this man do in the offseason? What is your gut telling you and what is your heart telling you Aaron Rodgers does this offseason?


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[Assistant] So uhm, various tweets about the Packers. But one, I want to get your opinion on. It basically said, the Packers wasted a year of Jordan love. They still don't really know what they have in love. Uh, Aaron Rodgers did not win another Super Bowl. This was a wasted year. Do you agree with that?


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[Assistant] See, this is the show where you don't want to get a super chat. I'm going on record right now as saying the Cowboys will retire Tom Brady this Monday. I'm on record. Okay. Clip this and tweet it back to me.


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[Assistant] But at the beginning of the year too, when we were all going around making predictions of what our teams were gonna go, right? Y'all always clown me for my predictions. Not this time!


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[Assistant] I said the cowboys were gonna go 12 and 5. And what did the cowboys go?


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[Assistant] 12 and 5. I'm saying the Cowboys will win the Super Bowl!


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[Assistant] I don't know. It's just the feeling that you get as being a fan. You understand.


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[Assistant] Mike McCarthy is already on, on this side, Jerry Jones. It already just appears like he's on the way out regardless of what happened. So I can tell you immediately, if we lose to the Bucks and I'm getting clowned all day on Twitter, imagine what's happening to Jerry Jones. So immense pressure from Mike McCarthy.


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[Assistant] I hope we win, uh, just cause I'm a fan, but honestly for his sake too, because if something happens and we lose that game,


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[Assistant] Someone's getting fired. Someone is getting fired in our organization. And it's not anyone with the last name Jones.


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[Assistant] Uh, as is Dan Quinn's position on the Cowboys. He is being reached out to for a lot of head coaching positions. Here's my thing with Dan Quinn though.


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[Assistant] I don't think he wants to be a head coach. Personally. I just don't think.


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[Assistant] He wants that. I think he is happy being a defensive coordinator and Jerry Jones has no problem with compensating this man as much or as close to as possible as a head coach level to retain him. Again, remember Jerry likes who he likes. Mike McCarthy's on this side. Dan Queen's on this side.


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[Assistant] Jerry Jones will do everything in his power to make sure Dan Quinn is still there next season. And I think Jerry Jones is going to do a lot in his power to see if Sean Payton will be our head coach next season, especially


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[Assistant] If we have an early exit in the playoffs, we would give up a first round pick. That's what they're asking for. They're asking for a first round. Cowboys would give up a first round pick to get Sean Payton. That's all. That's all I know. So we'll see how it plays out.


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[Assistant] Because in both scenarios, Kellen Moore is the offensive coordinator, so I'm not, I'm not sure.


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[Assistant] Why don't y'all hire Jason Garrett? Uh, Brian, y'all don't want this man on your team?


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[Assistant] No, I'm with Tom. This is like almost a faded season for the Bills. Uh, you got Demar Hamlin, that whole situation.


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[Assistant] The four losses in the Super Bowl. It seems like if the Cowboys don't win it, I'm rooting for the Bills personally. And I think that's how everyone in America is right now.


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[Assistant] Uh, if your team's not winning, they're rooting for the Bills. Because of everything that's happened, uh, and I'm with them!


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[Assistant] See, my only counter-argument to that point is the fact that you have Brock Purdy! That's a scapegoat!


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[Assistant] That's not the point. The point is he's a rookie QB and you can just say, hey, look, we were playing with the rookie QB. That's it. If you lose, win or lose, you can just say, hey, look, it was a rookie QB. That's all I'm saying. And I think that takes some of the pressure off Shanahan because it's just, hey,


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[Assistant] So, regardless of how many weapons you have, it's still a rookie QB. It's still bright light. It's still, he's never been here before. He has no idea what he's doing. You can always just go back to.


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[Assistant] I don't, I'm with you guys with the 49ers winning. I'm not with you guys on a blowout.


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[Assistant] I think he's going to experience some tribulation during this game. I think we're going to see some uncharacteristic play.


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[Assistant] I think the Seahawks may have some things in store that they've been holding back. I think it's going to be a much closer game than what everyone's saying, but I do think the 49ers will win it by a touchdown.


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[Assistant] Let's not been saying this all along. It's Cowboys, Jaguars, Superbowl, Jaguars all day. Stop lying. Do ball, stay.


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[Assistant] Three, four quality premium years left. Ultra speed. For his game. So I do think he gets paid. I'm just not sure if it's with the reason.


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[Assistant] Their quarterback Kirk Cousins will have a similar game like that. He might just be off is what I'm thinking. So I like the Giants in this game. Actually, I don't like the Vikings. They've been trending down. Giants been trending up. I think the Giants have it.


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[Assistant] There's no way that I will root for the Cowboys, Scooter, no matter what you say. I don't care. I just want the Giants to beat the Vikings because we can beat the Giants easier. Is mainly- Okay, that's your selfish-


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[Assistant] You think the Giants are gonna let Justin Jefferson beat them? You don't think they're gonna bracket this man the whole game?


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[Assistant] Okay, now that I have the floor, if, uh,


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[Assistant] And not only that, if you guys were paying attention to our last football game against the commanders, you saw elite nonsense.


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[Assistant] Intentional. Okay, we did that on purpose. On purpose.


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[Assistant] All the negative energy, all the fumbles, all the interceptions, all of that's out of the way now. We're good now.


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[Assistant] We're focused. And our focus is going to be on destroying Tom Brady for retribution for all previous times this man has beat us. We're sending him into his retirement where he should have been already. Go be with your family, Tom Brady.


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[Assistant] We'll help you out. We will help you out!


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[Assistant] On our sixth Super Bowl, we get to retire the GOAT at QB. Mark my words.


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[Assistant] I am three punishments behind. Okay, these are on the way. I am a very busy person, but I will get all of these punishments done. Okay, so whatever you decide, I will do it! I think his punishment should be...


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[Assistant] Do I still have Lovito left for this season or? No.


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[Assistant] But wait a minute, we have Greg Williams. He's our new corners coach. He just signed him from the Cardinals. Yeah.


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[Assistant] The Eagles need, uh, the Chiefs to put Skymore back there as a, uh, a returner. That would help them a lot.


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[Assistant] But honestly, like, these two teams, like, have very similar strengths. They both have mobile QBs, they both have QBs that can extend, they both have playmakers.


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[Assistant] The one advantage that I see on offense is why, while like Isaiah Pacheco is like really good, I don't think they commit to the ground game enough talking about the Chiefs. And like the Eagles, they could do either or. If running the ball's not working, then they can go to the air and they've been able to do both successfully this season.


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[Assistant] I think it's just going to kind of be like, okay, let's see where the Chief's defense is going to falter. Is it going to be in the secondary or is it going to be like at the line of scrimmage where we're going to run it down their throats like with Gainwell or Boston Scott and of course, Miles Sanders.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I think like they have that advantage. The problem is like, I just can't overlook the Chiefs. Like it's so tough cause they're, and I'm like, yeah, like the Eagles, they definitely have a great shot at winning this game. Like, and then there's Patrick Mahomes like in.


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[Assistant] I will say the fact that he was not mobile at all during that Jacksonville game, and Jacksonville was bringing pressure, they could not get home. Cincinnati's pass rush couldn't really get after Mahomes. I feel like if the offensive line, which is now healthy of the Chiefs and it's a completely different one from that last Super Bowl, I feel like, you know, they could have a day. But I think it's going to be a close game. It should be really, really fun.


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[Assistant] If Brandon Perna loses, uh, today, we're gonna make him get a poster of this and hang it in his background.


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[Assistant] Hey, shirtless trying to burn it was in the first minute of Jess's new blog. It's true story. Oh yeah.


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[Assistant] I really want Jayce and Kelsey to score a touchdown. I want it so badly.


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[Assistant] Like I think, and I honestly, like depending on how the game goes, they could, like they could, they could mess around with it. I don't, it'd be tough because, you know, he's a pretty vital piece of the offense and I think you might see where he is off the field, but.


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[Assistant] Maybe? So, I mean, I would love to see that, but if there is a Jason Kelsey touchdown, you know that he wants it.


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[Assistant] Sorry, real quick, Scooter, if they go toe to toe with the Chiefs and lose by like, a last second field goal. I'll say, you know what? My bad.


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[Assistant] See, but I don't think they, but see, I understand, I actually agree with what you're saying that they have not been as tested as much as a team like the Chiefs have, but at the same time, I would argue that doesn't mean that they're fraudulent or they're gonna get blown out. It just means that, you know, they played lesser competition, but that's not their fault. I still think that they're a good football team.


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[Assistant] I think the statistic that everyone's missing is every team in the NFC who made the playoffs either didn't, right, didn't play them or beat the Green Bay Packers except one. And that was the Dallas Cowboys. So I think that was a big miss.


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[Assistant] There was only one team in the NFC playoffs that lost to the Packers and that was the Gamblers.


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[Assistant] Now, MVS tweeted out after the AFC Championship game, am I still going to be able to watch Rihanna's halftime show? So now, Rihanna knows MVS is a fan. Knows this. She hangs around the stadium. Okay? MVS, go route.


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[Assistant] And the corner right on top of them. But Rihanna pulls out her umbrella, Ella, Ella, which has mirrors on it, reflects the light to blind the corner, allowing MBS to get separation, dive and catch, touchdown. Chiefs win.


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[Assistant] You know what? Rihanna supports her fans. She won't put out new music, but she will help rig the Super Bowl.


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[Assistant] It's, it's Prince. It's gotta be Prince. Are you kidding me? Purple rain asking, can you make it rain harder? MJ's up there, but...


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[Assistant] That's who Bruce and Springsteen are named after. What's the next worst one?


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[Assistant] Mmm. Yeaah, I don't see anyway.


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[Assistant] I know like we've kind of done it, but can we do a unitard for Tree and he has to wear Tom Brady underwear on top of it, just like I had to wear a yellow unitard and dress it as a jaguar.


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[Assistant] Will they kill my worst enemy? Will they hire the hitman? No, they will not do that. They will offer you good odds on an anytime touchdown scorer. I will take that.


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[Assistant] Better, better. I love those props.


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[Assistant] Chat, do you want five? One minute, one minute of stand up from tree. One minute, cause you don't have it for this week. And then we'll hear the five minutes prepared.


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[Assistant] I see that second going. It is one second closer to our horrible agonizing deaths.


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[Assistant] I am the master of self-deprecation. If you don't like self-deprecation, then unfortunately I can't help you and I can't help myself either. Last time I went to a psychologist, they told me to get out within five minutes because I put out those small violins. It was...


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[Assistant] It was a rather sobering and terrifying experience. I don't like saying it. I don't like enjoying it. I am...


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[Assistant] No. That's why I didn't want to do it this week. I'm not like in that right mindset.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's definitely Tom. Tom is the most punished member of this cast. Best team moment for the Cowboys. It's over a period of time. I'll go with, honestly, Cooper Rush coming in and steadying the ship


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[Assistant] For four games, this man played admirably in Dak's absence. I'm not going to lie. I thought our season was over. I'm like dead serious. I was so upset when Dak got injured. I'm said this is.


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[Assistant] We're calling for Cooper Rush to stay and even to this day.


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[Assistant] Getting Russell Westbrook, like was your level of happiness higher when you got Russell Westbrook?


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[Assistant] Tom, I'm very interested to see what you have to say. It's not about the size, it's how you use them. Because honestly, your best moment could be forthcoming if some of these games


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[Assistant] I don't think they would sign. I saw that headline and did not even click on it because I was not going to waste my time reading this article. We're not signing Terrell Owens.


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[Assistant] Yes. No, no, no. I hope you do sign Terrell Owens because if you do, we're going to use that clip against you. Also, I think it's like Terrell Owens. I think it's Terrell Owens. This man roasted me on some livestream I was on. He was on it too. I called him Terrell Owens and then he started roasting me. What the heck?


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[Assistant] I thought it was Terrell Owens! It's Terrell Owens. Okay. Who knew?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go with the drafting of Paulo Banquero for the Orlando Magic as well.


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[Assistant] To toss up between losing to the gosh darn Packers, but with that one, it's like.


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[Assistant] You know, like Aaron Wodgers has a curse on the Dallas Cowboys and we just haven't broken it yet. So, but you understand, that's a curse. The other one is losing to the Eagles.


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[Assistant] Despite us having a backup quarterback, I have heard about this, them beating us the entire year as if it mattered and they're better than us. So worst team moment, it's, it's a toss up between those two.


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[Assistant] My gosh, these Eagles fans won't shut up about beating a backup QB. We beat you guys with a backup QB! Do you see us Cowboys fans going around as if we just won a Super Bowl? No! Y'all had a backup QB! We should have won!


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[Assistant] The Cowboys are winning the Super Bowl this year.


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[Assistant] You're just going to lose to another Florida team. Yes. No one is beating the Cowboys this year. You might be able to go to that game. It is literally the year of the Cowboy in Chinese Astrology. Look it up. It's the year of the Cowboy. The year of the Cowboy. The year of the Cowboy.


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[Assistant] My moment is the Florida Gators.


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[Assistant] Losing to Vanderbilt, okay? This is the team we have never lost to since I've been alive. Do you understand what I'm saying? We lost to a team we have never lost to since I've been alive. And we lost to them. Now, you know, we got a new coach. We got to get all his people in.


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[Assistant] We believe in you, Billy Napier. Two more years, Billy. You get two more years and then we're turning the heat up. Billy, I believe in you though. You got this. Fair enough. I'm gonna go with the


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[Assistant] No, it's messy. It's my answer. You need to find another one. Messy is the sportsman of the year. Can we get a rest in peace in the chat though for Pele? Uhm, some unfortunate news. He passed today at 82, but as far as it's the goats of our time, it's messy. I don't care what you say. This is what solidified it.


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[Assistant] In the soccer or football world, or whatever you guys call it, but.


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[Assistant] Messy's going bro. And this was the last piece that he needed. He got his World Cup. He is the Sportsman of the Year in my book.


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[Assistant] Don't tell me why or how I got here. Okay. But for some reason, one day there was a sumo wrestling like suggested video and I clicked on it.


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[Assistant] And then I went down to rabbit hole and listen, I'm not even sure if this is how you pronounce his name, but I learned about the greatest sumo wrestler of all time. And he just happened to retire, uh, this past year, Hakuho Sho.


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[Assistant] Bro, this man is a beast. So if we're going sportsman of the year, this is literally like the best dude ever. The goat of sumac. Ever. I'm not like...


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[Assistant] It's not even a debate. It's him! He is the best sumo wrestler.


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[Assistant] Ever! I'm over here learning techniques for stuff I'm never gonna do. But bro, sumo wrestling? I'm just saying.


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[Assistant] Give it a try. Give it a look. That should be a punishment that someone has to wear that sumo wrestling outfit. Bro, it's so interesting. They had like a young guy, like a younger guy, only like 220 pounds. He did judo. I was looking, look, now I'm getting too far into it. Now you're, you're about to come down. You fell down a rabbit hole.


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[Assistant] Yes. Hakuho Show. Hakuho Show, Sportsman of the Year. Hakuho.


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[Assistant] It has to be the reverse lateral in the Patriots Raiders game. Good call. Has to be. That was so bad. It's the new butt fumble. It's what it is. It's messy winning the World Cup. Like, messy winning the World Cup might be half of the answers to these. No, it's more


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[Assistant] That's gotta be the dumbest trade. It's gotta be Deshaun Watson over Russell for me. Oh yeah. You're taking like, you're taking a lot of money away from your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, income, you're taking a lot of income away from your fan base by supporting this, by supporting a guy like Deshaun Watts.


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[Assistant] Yes. Uh, so it's like, not only is like,


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go with Josh McDaniels, cause hack it.


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[Assistant] Did not deserve to, well, he deserved his shot, but they thought that he would be good. McDaniels, you knew what you were getting. You knew it.


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[Assistant] Cuz they need him to just show up everyday with his keycard. Kids hack it for me. I'm gonna go hack it, uh.


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[Assistant] Yeah. I hear what you're saying five, but he still has a job. So there because they can't fire him. There's something.


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[Assistant] He ruined Derek Carr. Devonte Adams is about to leave. They're gonna miss the playoffs again. And he's just sabotaged.


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[Assistant] If I'm gonna do extensions, I am going to add the 5 year extensions the Arizona Cardinals gave to Steve Connery.


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[Assistant] You, you will hate Chase Claypool. And I warn them to Kingdom Come.


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[Assistant] It's gotta be playing a minor league team in baseball. Like, I mean, that was so much fun. We went down


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[Assistant] Okay, Lisa, Lisa holds up. Shoo. There you go.


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[Assistant] I was looking through my phone because I feel like everything kind of blurs together over the years.


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[Assistant] That was really fun. I got to meet Garrett Wilson, Jordan Davis, Kayvon Thibodeau, got to walk the red carpet.


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[Assistant] Uh, so yeah, I'm going to go NFL draft. Shouts out to subway.


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[Assistant] Here's your sandwich. It's called the Danger Witch, and it's dangerously good. Be careful.


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[Assistant] The run actually looked like Daniel Jones run.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna go Jackson DeVille. That was gold. The whole time. Like, you sold the role, you came, you showed up, you even wore the thong.


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[Assistant] Ooh, that's tough because some of them, I don't know if they blended into the first year or not.


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[Assistant] I kinda like the Bigfoot, uh, the fanfic.


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[Assistant] So it wasn't even a punishment. We have to buy another eagle's costume to finish this punishment. We're done.


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[Assistant] They were good, but like I still almost lost my voice, which is why I don't really stream that much because like I always tend to lose my voice when I'm watching for long. I don't know how you do it, Tom. You're wild for that.


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[Assistant] Uh, I think the worst punishment, though, was you dressing up like the Jags character. That was just, like, memeable for days. So I'm gonna go with that.


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[Assistant] Like no matter what you do for the rest of your life, that image is out there. That's fine.


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[Assistant] And it was like, it was like a half Irish, half Russian, half uh, Indian, half Chinese, half German, half Polynesian.


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[Assistant] I think my favorite moment is forthcoming when the Cowboys win the Super Bowl. Listen, I really believe this. I know, I don't know if you guys think I'm just, I believe.


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[Assistant] And if you recall, at the beginning of the year, I said the Cowboys would go 12 and 5. And so,


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[Assistant] We could just as easily go 12-5 this year. We just gotta win one and lose one. And that could be exactly what we do if we rest all of our starters against Washington, if the Eagles win a game, uh, this Sunday. So we'll see.


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[Assistant] I think my time is coming though. My time is forthcoming. Is it really coming? I don't think it is. I think the salt will be forthcoming. We'll see.


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[Assistant] I like watching, uh, when your team loses. I've noticed this trend as well. Oh, people love misery. They love it. People love misery. Oh, remember that Steelers Brown stream? Oh, people love that.


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[Assistant] That was a great stream. It was a terrible stream. I wanted to die. Did you do your favorite moment, Tree?


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[Assistant] Titans are literally resting. Everyone should be an easy dub for the Cowboys, which means we're going to struggle the whole game. Let's go.


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[Assistant] I don't really care. At this point, we're in the playoffs. We are going to be playing the number one seed.


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[Assistant] Unless the Eagles suck it up the next two weeks, uh, so we'll see. We're gonna be playing Warpers in the NFC South.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you do. I look like that nice Asian lady that cooks. You don't even look like the same person. It's not even the same picture. I feel like Brandon is ready.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I won't donate 200 bucks right now to one of these people. Alright. I got 247.46. Ooh, 138. That's safe. 211.95. I am safe.


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[Assistant] Everything was said. Everything was said before it came out.


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[Assistant] From Sumo Chat, how do we pronounce this man's name? Hakuhosho, you must do a full


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[Assistant] Cowboys video coming out on Friday. That's how we're ending the year.


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[Assistant] Shouts out to Johnny, and shouts out to you guys watching the last episode of Clickbait in 2022. Tom, go ahead, end us out.


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[Assistant] We will see you guys next time in 2023.


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[Assistant] This group of men to the promised land! You think just because I don't have any experience doing television or real entertainment that I can't lead, that I'm not surrounded by a bunch of idiots every week on this show, and that we can't go to places no other idiots have gone before?


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[Assistant] Uh, Sundays are for football though, guys. Also, food. Maybe some friends. Eh, probably not friends. No, in this group, we're watching the games alone. No, no, no, I enjoy watching it alone.


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[Assistant] An official sports betting partner of the NFL can't guarantee that they'll give you friends, but right now new customers using our code clickbait.


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[Assistant] You wanna crush your bets this week? Do a DraftKings Sports Book! Do some same-game parlays where you stack a couple bets for a bigger payout.


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[Assistant] Uhm, if you're looking at some quarterbacks, like I don't know.


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[Assistant] Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson, Matthew Stafford. Take the under on yards over on interceptions because I don't think those guys will let you down.


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[Assistant] Because if they do that, they won't be doing anything about crime anywhere else.


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[Assistant] If Barry, uh, hadn't become a, a YouTuber and there's actually, uh, you know, cause he's trying to build his audience. If this had happened before Barry committed to those things.


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[Assistant] I would say you'd have a thousand verified accounts today, if this were three years ago.


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[Assistant] Welcome to Perna Blows. All of you can kiss my grits.


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[Assistant] Yeah, weird. If I were Jeff Saturday, all I would have said in my press conference is, I made Peyton Manning who he was.


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[Assistant] I will save the Colts. Mic drop, walk off the stage, Colts fans, rejoice.


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[Assistant] They're, they're like, we're thinking about firing you, Cliff. And he was like, how about a five year extension? And they just said, okay, that sounds good too.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I don't think the Cardinals' owners are as crazy as Jim Earsay. And I think that contract does give Cliff Kingsbury some security. And... Security? Did you guys watch Hard Knocks last night? No, I did not.


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[Assistant] He actually seems pretty likable. Uhm, I think. I feel like Cliff Kingsbury knows how to talk and motivate, uh, his players.


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[Assistant] They had to put Darren Waller and Hunter Renfro on IR today.


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[Assistant] He's had no success without Tom Brady. Uh, he trades away players like they're candy and gets nothing in return from Alfonso Smith basically is what he gets.


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[Assistant] And, uh, now he's getting the worst out of Derek Carr. He's underutilizing Devontae Adams. They forget that Josh Jacobs, uh, is their running back, uh, every other game. Nothing's going right for them.


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[Assistant] Guys come to Colorado so we can do a psilocybin trip together.


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[Assistant] We can have all of our minds meld into one hallucinogenic trip where...


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[Assistant] Well, I mean we did that before, now we can just have mushrooms when we do it.


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[Assistant] This current iteration, like I think you gotta go to, you gotta get a medical use. You gotta go to a place to take it even, I think. So there's some limitations, which is why like some people didn't want it to pass. But I think it's one of those things where you gotta do this first. And then once people realize like, oh, this isn't going to burn the world down. Same way they had to do with weed in a lot of places.


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[Assistant] No, there's, there's a lot of, a lot of real medical use that we're learning with mushrooms and all of this stuff. And that's like what gets lost in conversations.


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[Assistant] And that contact is going to be delivered by Cordero Patterson. Last week, one of the best plays was him just dropping his head.


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[Assistant] And destroying a defender on his way to the end zone. That's a big, that's a big addition to get back for the Falcons. And I expect a lot of running in this game because one thing


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[Assistant] The Panthers did not do well and their loss was run the ball and they had success the previous two weeks with Dante Foreman. So I want to see a lot of Patterson. I want to see a lot of Foreman.


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[Assistant] And I hope it's a good football game. I hope it continues to buck the trend where every Thursday and primetime game sucks. But then you put in two teams that nobody thinks are very good and then they just play a great game. So.


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[Assistant] Literally the minute this show ends, I have a video about all of the future Hall of Fame quarterbacks sucking this season. Brady, Stafford, Rogers, Wilson. And maybe Ryan too.


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[Assistant] Yeah, don't get fooled again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, can't get fooled again.


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[Assistant] Well, I'm here, unfortunately, for better or for worse. The false hope is starting to re-consume me again. Kenny Pickett looked alright. We beat a really bad Colts team, so that means we're going back to the Super Bowl. Boom.


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[Assistant] It's based on winning. The way in Seattle, they were allowed to do his goody two shoes, feel good, positive mentality because he was winning. He won them a Super Bowl ring. He was the only reason they were good for a while.


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[Assistant] When you're bad, you look like a really cheap imitation of Carlton Banks from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Thomas is through?


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[Assistant] It depends on the situation. I mean, right now, with how everyone's clowning on him, you gotta go Russell Wilson. Just because he is the popular target to just like, just destroy. Look at what happened with the Dangerous situation. That commercial was lampooned to heck and back.


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[Assistant] And I censored myself this time, I deserve like a few pats on the back of that.


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[Assistant] He's trying to get the Clicks. He is embracing the spirit of clickbait sports if he really feels, cause remember, Pat Pete left Arizona on really bad terms. He was bashing Steve Keim earlier this year when Minnesota played Arizona.


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[Assistant] Kyler, I don't know because at this rate, it's been a bad year for Arizona. They're 4-8.


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[Assistant] They've extended all their guys for another five years and it looks like a terrible decision. They may have to cut bait with.


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[Assistant] Kyme and Clint Kingsbury, just to make sure Kyler can...


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[Assistant] Rebound his form, or else you are trapped for the next five years. As for Pat Pete, at the same time, he has a chip on his shoulder.


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[Assistant] Russell Wilson's the kind of dude who just hands out invites in the locker room and said, I hope you come to my birthday party. He's that kind of dude.


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[Assistant] I don't know if going to a game is going to do that. And can we take a moment to applaud the NFL for the perfect script of Deshaun Watson coming back against the Houston Texans in Houston?


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[Assistant] With how bad the Texans offense has been in the first half the last two weeks, it would take a miracle even against a Joe Woods defense. That is one of the worst in football. It would take a miracle for the Houston Texans to be


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[Assistant] What they're gonna do is they'll say he's rehabbed, he's learned, he's become a family man. Maybe he'll have like a wife and kids as a PR move, like a certain other quarterback that's happened in the past. But what I'm gonna say is that they're gonna try and soften it up. Like he's a changed man. That's how they do it.


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[Assistant] Great quarterbacks, Jeff George. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] I don't agree with that. I feel like it's aged. Like more or less, it's gotten less hated since he left New England.


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[Assistant] I mean, there is a huge, uh, fix of a lot of people that still love whatever he does. I think the thing with Brady is that he's 45 and if people will just rag on him for his divorce and what's going on in his personal life.


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[Assistant] I'm going with dangerous Russell Wilson. Because he gets just clowned on by the media now.


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[Assistant] Sorry, sorry about that brother. With how he's getting thrown off planes, I think he would be a good fit for the Dallas Cowboys. It's Jerry Jones' sort of archetype with a player. Very talented, kind of questionable character.


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[Assistant] Okay. I mean, my question we're going to see. We're to peak potential buffal the last couple of weeks.


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[Assistant] Having some, if he throws because of that elbow, Von Miller is going to be out. He's on IR. I mean, he might be out for the season. I mean, I know how it is. I know.


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[Assistant] But I will say, I don't really like New England's offense. I think they've struggled too much. I still go Buffalo, but it's going to be a closer game than a certain Brandon Perna believes.


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[Assistant] I had Sportsball come out yesterday, I still have to figure out what I need to release soon because I am, uh, the writer's block.


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh. My mentions are in shambles. I got something for this.


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[Assistant] But let me just say this, okay? Cause I didn't actually ever say this.


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[Assistant] Okay you guys, let us come back, almost let us win, but you stuck it out.


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[Assistant] And we'll see. I still am of the belief that the Eagles are fraudulent, meaning that they are not the number one team in the league. I don't believe they're the number one team in the league.


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[Assistant] Look, I can have the opinion, I don't think they're the best team in the league. And I don't think they're the best team in the league. I think they're 6-0. Just like the Cardinals last year.


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[Assistant] Won all those games, 11-1 and then went out in the playoffs. I think that's exactly what we're seeing here with the Eagles. Time will tell. We'll see.


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[Assistant] Sure. Bro, do you know how many names I was called on Twitter this past weekend from Eagles fans? The F word. Both F words. One person said he wanted to punch me in the head. Like, it's just like, the toxicity.


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[Assistant] It's like, bro, it's still, it's still a football game. Like, let's relax.


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[Assistant] I do feel like I do need to tone it down a little bit.


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[Assistant] A little. Not, not even because of that, but like I was reading some interactions and some people were like, yeah, I used to follow this guy, but he's just been unbearable. I was like, huh. Really? Unbearable? I couldn't tell.


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[Assistant] So maybe like, maybe I've been going to him, but the point remains, it's like, we're all fans here. What is fans short for? Fanatic, fanatical. We're all fanatical people for our team. I understand Eagles fans blowing my mentions. Well, that's a tough fan base.


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[Assistant] Let's keep it fun. I've got several Eagles friends personally. I've got several Eagles fans that I'm friendly with, but it's just like, bruh.


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[Assistant] Uh, he hates me because everyone's always tagging him in my stuff. To the point where he's made a rule that he will not post any of the stuff that I say. Uh, unless it's like what he had, like that week 6 stuff. Because I say so much stuff all the time. That I do believe, by the way. Like the Orlando Magic?


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[Assistant] Y'all don't wanna- Okay, let's save that for a different time. But I'm just saying, you look good. So...


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[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not backing down, even after we lose! What the heck?!


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[Assistant] Before we move on, Brandon, can we just get like a group vote?


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[Assistant] Which loss was worse? The Cowboys losing to the Eagles or...


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[Assistant] I'm gonna say, personally, it's the Eagles beating us only because


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[Assistant] Like, these people are still in my mentions, A, and B, we don't get a chance of redemption till it doesn't even matter. Like, we don't play them till Christmas Eve. And it's like, who knows if that game is even going to be relevant.


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[Assistant] Next week, like, no one's gonna care that the Packers lost to the Jets. It'll be one week, and it's over.


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[Assistant] This will linger for me. Those, I'm not taking those tweets down. Those tweets will remain up, all of them. Because I believe.


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[Assistant] I will say this though, I will say this, Cooper Rush, 4-1.


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[Assistant] Backup QB, he did an admirable job. I agree.


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[Assistant] No, he's got a 25 kill streak. I won a contest with DeAndre Hopkins and this man never sent me the jersey still. So like, what the heck?


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[Assistant] He was like, I DMed him the address and everything. He's like, alright.


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[Assistant] I'm just very interested, honestly, in uh, Sam Howell more than Taylor Heinecke, because if we go back to preseason, no? Tom, you're saying no?


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[Assistant] Like seeing Sam Howe. And so I, that's what I'm more interested in. If something happens to Taylor Heinecke during the next couple of weeks, will we get to see Sam Howe? Because he played pretty well, uh, in the beginning of the year in preseason.


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[Assistant] But to answer your question on... Give us the deck.


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[Assistant] Our offense wasn't winning the games. Our offense was not helping out at all, in fact. Uhm, and...


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[Assistant] You know what? We get it. It's backup quarterback. Okay, uh, but.


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[Assistant] It just wasn't there. The explosive plays just weren't there. Cooper, Cooper, Cooper Rush had under like 150 yards throwing the Eagles game. He wasn't very explosive either. I think for the first time we saw what happened.


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[Assistant] When a team had a good defensive plan for Cooper Rush in our offense. So when that comes back, we're going to be able to open up.


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[Assistant] That basic playbook, right, we're running basic plays, now we're gonna be able to get back to our advanced playbook. We're gonna see more plays going for 20 yards, 30 yards down the field. I think that connection with CD is going to be very important. Okay, here's one. We're just gonna get more explosive plays with that back.


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[Assistant] Kind of feels like he's getting back up to speed still.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so he's still, so I'm gonna have to say Noah Brown just because Gallup's still recovering, but I think long term.


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[Assistant] Uh, you explained that because Tampa has one of the best defenses in the league. It's week one. Week one, anything can happen in week one. Uh, so like I said, no preseason. A lot of people look terrible week one.


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[Assistant] If we might still have some of the, I am glad that we're only, we're going up against the Lions, then the Bears. So he'll have an opportunity to sort of get up to speed before we go to Lambeau to play the Packers. So like week one, I'm not looking too far into Daxport play week one.


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[Assistant] They went up 20 to zero and you know what? If it would have ended 28 to three or something like that, that I would have said, dang, the Eagles are legit.


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[Assistant] The Eagles, this, they are what everyone is saying they are, but that's not what happened. What happened was we almost had an opportunity to come back in that game. That's not what the best team in the league does. That's not what an elite team does. You don't let teams sit around like that.


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[Assistant] So to me, the fact that we were able to almost mount a comeback


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[Assistant] Literally, like we were, it was 17-20 at one point. No one was in my D, no one was chirping then when it was 17-20 after they scored a touchdown. Now all of a sudden they're back.


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[Assistant] This is exactly what Tom said. They went up, we had to play from behind, and that's not what a Cooper Rush offense is built for.


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[Assistant] How are we third in the division though? That is what's wild. Can we just take a second to talk about the five in one New York Giants? Five. Did you ever anticipate this would happen?


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[Assistant] During your lifetime, 5-1 New York Giants. Saquon is playing out of his mind. Might be the best running back in the game right now. What are you thinking?


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[Assistant] I just gotta know, like, you started the season off sooo pessimistic.


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[Assistant] Has that changed? Are you now a different? Okay, so what are you saying the final record is gonna be for the Giants? If you had to guess.


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[Assistant] I don't think any of us had those tops when we were girlfriends. Speaking of optimism though, five, you're still on the fence. Brandon, I gotta know. Okay, I gotta know.


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[Assistant] Started on cloud nine. All right. Randy Gregory. Y'all stole him from us. Yeah. Okay. Russell Westbrook. Let's ride Broncos country. Now all of a sudden.


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[Assistant] I feel like we might as well just round out the optimism checks. We, we found out 5 and Brandon's. Uh, Tree, where's the optimism at right now? Is there optimism? Y'all just beat Tom Brady. Shouts out.


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[Assistant] You gotta love it. What about, uh, the Packers coming off that loss to the Jets? Very embarrassing. Uhm, but, you know.


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[Assistant] Still early in the season, where's the optimism level for you guys?


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[Assistant] Uhm, I hope y'all don't figure it out for three weeks at least. At least three weeks. And then get the ball rolling after that.


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[Assistant] I like that move. I feel like I just saw him. He went to Georgia right?


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[Assistant] If that comes out and he plays these next two games and he under performs, that is the only thing. Cause then we're going to have all these people saying, see, we told you Cooper rush is better and I don't know anything about.


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[Assistant] Can we just do a prediction real quick? Chat, you can join in as well. When will Dan Snyder no longer be the owner of the Washington Commanders? After this offseason.


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[Assistant] So you're saying he's gone, he's gone after this offseason, Perna? Five, what are you saying? You're shaking your head no.


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[Assistant] What are we thinking? Do we think the NFL pushes him to sell his team? I think he's LA Clippers.


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[Assistant] Again, screw you. I'm gonna say, within five years,


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[Assistant] Something will be revealed, right? Maybe Jerry's like, I've had enough. Here you go. Roger, this is what you need to take this man down. Something's gonna happen. I feel like within five years, there will be a new owner for the Washington commanders. Will that still be their name?


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[Assistant] You know what? That is not, uh, not too far from reality.


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[Assistant] We need a receipt purchase, one Danger Witch per day. That's fair, that's fair and disgusting.


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[Assistant] I'm going 15-12. Doesn't matter. Does not matter. All field goals 15.


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[Assistant] It's gonna be so interesting to see how this college football season plays out. Cause there's no number one. There's no clear- Aw, come on Georgia!


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[Assistant] Georgia will be fine. Maybe Ohio State, we'll see. Interesting football season. Brandon, you wanna close us out?


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[Assistant] Welcome to the click-ittiest, baitiest sports show.


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[Assistant] With the title Clickbait Sports. I'm Brendan Pernier with one Scooter Magruder. We got five points bids. We got Urinating Tree. And for the first time, we've got Packers Man.


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[Assistant] I feel like I run into you at a sex dungeon.


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[Assistant] For anybody just tuning in, maybe for the first time ever, uh, Tom is dressed as sorta the Jacksonville Jaguars mascot because that was a punishment he earned on this show.


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[Assistant] Every week, whoever gets the most super chats gets punished. And now Tom's paying the ultimate price with his dignity.


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[Assistant] Uh, look, we're, it's December, second week of December football. It's this little lull, right? Yeah. Games are really important right now, but we don't know what's going to happen. We also got a whole bunch of quarterbacks playing.


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[Assistant] That we didn't think we'd be playing. We've got quarterbacks who were supposed to be good, who haven't been good.


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[Assistant] We got quarterbacks like Jared Goff playing pretty damn good and nobody's talking about it.


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[Assistant] So I figured we'd do a little stock report on the quarterbacks today, uh, and determine which quarterbacks are actually good or which quarterbacks actually suck. Whatever, however you want to shake it out.


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[Assistant] We'll bring up the, the tier list, which, uh, I did not have time to create a fresh one. So we will just see how much quarterback, uh, has the position changed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but we're, we're determining whether they are good or not good.


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[Assistant] Uh, before we get to the quarterback, so, uh,


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[Assistant] I figured we should bring up something. The football gods, they giveth, and they taketh away.


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[Assistant] If you're a Cowboys fan, what you should feel good about is


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[Assistant] Like, Dak, Dak didn't have his best game, right? Not playing his best football for that game.


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[Assistant] But when the game was on the line, put together best, best drive of the game, the clutch drive and like.


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[Assistant] When you can do that as a quarterback, even if it is against the Texans, like,


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[Assistant] Not only is that something that like builds confidence for your QB and your team, it's a little bit of one of those kind of momentum shifters and


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[Assistant] You got your backs against the wall and you avoid disaster. So, uh, you know, maybe they won't do that in the playoffs.


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[Assistant] My team is so relevant that Russell Wilson plays his heart out, gets a concussion and he gets dunked on for getting a concussion.


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[Assistant] Like, I just see memes of him in head bandages, him half alive, it's like, what?


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[Assistant] This feels like the least relevant the Steelers have been in like 20 years.


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[Assistant] Maybe Dion Sanders could get Cordell Stewart to come back to see you for one more season.


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[Assistant] Okay, let me pull up the screen. Hey, you gay. Uh, like I said, we do not have a fully updated QB list.


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[Assistant] We're gonna pretend that Trey Lance is actually Jimmy G, who is actually hurt in his Brock party. Okay.


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[Assistant] Uhm, Zach Wilson is actually Mike White. Uh huh.


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[Assistant] And Tom Brady. They do got, Steelers fan must have made this because they got Trubisky and Pickett in here. Yeaah. Hey, nothing wrong with that.


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[Assistant] And I would argue that maybe his stock rose more than any quarterback this entire season.


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[Assistant] Yes. Baker Mayfield actually, Baker Mayfield. I don't, no, Baker Mayfield, Sam Darnold, Matthew Staffords, Baker Mayfield. That's what we're going with.


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[Assistant] Sell, sell, stock way down, uh.


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[Assistant] A clip emerged of Tom Brady yelling at everybody on the sideline.


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[Assistant] Which is fine, I get you're trying to motivate your team, but if you're half of the problem, I want to see Tom Brady yelling at himself.


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[Assistant] And I mean that literally. I want to see him arguing with himself, telling himself that he sucks and he needs to play better in the moment


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[Assistant] And then I would move him back to stock down. But personally, if I'm the Buccaneers and he wants out... GO ON!


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[Assistant] Yeah, you're on deck. Who is your QB? If it is, the only quarterback I would take over, Russell Wilson, is Gardner Minchew.


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[Assistant] Giants gotta draft. They gotta figure out the, the future. They need to... If, if Brian Dable can't fix ya, nobody can.


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[Assistant] Courageous performances in a loss by a quarterback last week.


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[Assistant] Against the, the Lions, that's gonna be a fun game.


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[Assistant] I'm just going to say Jalen Hurts, really good chance to win MVP this year. I think so too. And the Eagles offense looks like the best in the league, but imagine how good the Eagles offense is going to be next year when they sign undrafted free agent Tony Pollard. Think about that Scooter.


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[Assistant] He's second in touchdown passes right now, 27, just nine picks, fewer than Mahomes, fewer than Josh Allen, higher completion percentage than both those guys. Uhm, so he's sneaking in there.


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[Assistant] This is week 15. They just beat the Browns. Bangles beat Browns.


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[Assistant] I mean, I would like, we can't, but I would like to give credit to Austin Eckler there too, keeping the Chargers alive.


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[Assistant] Uh, he doesn't have like a ton of rushing or receiving yards, but you combine them and he's got a ton of yards and touchdowns from scrimmage. Uh, so yeaah. I could throw it to Austin Neckler as well.


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[Assistant] Okay, uh, next guy I wanna do is Baker Mayfield.


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[Assistant] Who started the season stock up, going to the panther, then went to back up, then stock down, then literally was traded, sell, and now...


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[Assistant] It'll be interesting to see how he plays this week.


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[Assistant] I'm saying the Raiders won three in a row after he cried, and then they lost. It's time for another one.


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[Assistant] We need to see like all the variations of a cry too. It's gotta be pure sadness, anger, joy, and then, uh, just, uh, big reason I cry a lot of the time, um, confusion. Just utter confusion.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'd say he's safe as a backup moving forward. Like, if you, if you could have Davis Mills as your backup, I think you'd feel pretty good about that.


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[Assistant] Just not when they're on the, uh, goal line.


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[Assistant] I posted a Jared Goff tribute today, so check it.


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[Assistant] I'm starting off, I'm talking today because uhm, you know, I feel.


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[Assistant] Not, not have that passion and not, not take this serious is, is almost, it's disrespectful and it's, it's almost, it's, it's almost a joke, you know? Uhm, it's, to me, it's, uhm,


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[Assistant] And Jack, one of my mods, said there's a brewery that has like, we're talking about like can art and stuff because I think I was like drinking a beer. And uh, they showed me the can art of this and I was like, wow, that's amazing. And then I found a shirt and I was like, yes, we need to do that. So I ordered this shirt and I'm very happy with my purchase.


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[Assistant] I did. Honestly, like, this caught me really off guard because everything I've ever heard about Dan Snyder is that he is just a stand-up human being and has never done anything wrong ever. So to hear that he may be engaged in some shady business, really,


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[Assistant] Really took me by surprise and really shook my world view up. Uhm, so I'm still trying to process it.


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[Assistant] Well, let me tell you about good ol' Steely Dan Snyder. Well, you knew the article came out and thankfully it wasn't behind a paywall, so I was able to read the entire thing. You see, my pigeons just brought me it word by word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so I read all about it and I heard about him hiring private investigators, also visiting other owners, basically saying, oh baby, you can't bring me down, cause if you cut out the tumor, it's gonna kill the host.


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[Assistant] I think, uh, none of this is surprising whatsoever. However, I'm very curious to see at what point do we kick out Dan Snyder? Is there something he can do?


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[Assistant] That is so egregious. You know, because we have fans falling on Jalen Hurts, you got the poo water, can't forget the poo water, multiple times.


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[Assistant] That ain't vegan, but the other thing I want to say is I would like to see a jousting match between Dan Snyder and Jerry Jones. Whoever wins can keep their team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dan Snyder strikes me as a human being who's using chalky soil, when he really shouldn't. He should be using organic potting soil, considering the climate and the temperament that's going on in DC.


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[Assistant] So, I think honestly he's been using the wrong kind of dirt this entire time. But he's so cheap, I bet he doesn't even get the good dirt for the stadium.


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[Assistant] Is there any mafia movie where like somebody gets hit by a bus?


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[Assistant] We're all the passengers in the bus. I think that's called summer.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that sounds right. Oh. Yeah. Alright.


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[Assistant] We don't have an owner. We just got Mark Murphy and-


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[Assistant] He slays, he slays down a hill. Can we stay?


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[Assistant] That's it. You walk out, oh, there's a whole lot more going on than pushing. Mmhm. Listen, here's what I'm gonna say about Devante Adams, which by the way, this is the first time I've ever heard of him before. Devante Adams.


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[Assistant] You know, not in the great head space. He's got Josh McDaniels as his head coach.


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[Assistant] Hunter Renfro ran into his knee cause that's where his helmet goes up to. And what happened? He got a little upset. And I know when the angry monkeys are on my back, I don't want no cameraman getting in front of me. Now here's what I'm gonna say.


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[Assistant] Just cause I got an anger monkey on my back, does that mean that I should be throwing feces everywhere? No. So, what I'm gonna say about Devontae's ass? He shouldn't have pushed the guy down.


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[Assistant] However, I think Five's point is legitimate. You shouldn't also be there. You should be clearing it. However, I'm gonna say that this is also kind of a societal problem because we live in a place where it's the land of litigation and so


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You kind of are, here you go, get that money, and so you're gonna go and get the money. So I think that nobody's in the right here, but it's just a terrible situation.


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[Assistant] But I also have to say too, I'm sorry, so you're gonna tell a guy like Saquon Barkley and Daniel Jones, hey guys, you're like in a contract year, don't play that hard.


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[Assistant] We're talking about, oh, it's a home run if you get the first round, like if you get the first overall pick, which is not the case, right? Like you could get, you could draft a crappy QB in the top five, in the top 10, in the top, you know what I mean? So it's possible.


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[Assistant] You're saying that maybe the odds are a bit better, but it's all a guessing game. You talk to any GM or scout or what have you, they give you the best information possible saying I think this person is going to translate well to the NFL.


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[Assistant] But they could be wrong. We've seen it happen all the time. If we weren't, then every single first round, it would be amazing. That is true. But we have, when you look at the top,


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[Assistant] Uh, on top of that, they beat the Buccaneers in a very, very close game and they were missing a lot of their wide receivers. They got hosed by the Vikings in week one. And I think the Giants, you know, they had a strong defense and they have a good run game, which the run defense of the Packers is not good right now. And they just did not show up for the second half.


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[Assistant] So no, I'm not terribly surprised. I was pissed. I was like really pissed about this game because I think the issue that you see is stuff that has happened in the past, but we had the talent to kind of get over those issues. And right now, like you have Green Bay, which is tearing itself apart going, well, is it a coaching issue? Is it a talent issue? Is it both?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that- What do you think it is? Try- I think it's a mix of both, but I think it comes down to coaching. Because I think- I mean I talked about this a ton this week, but-


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[Assistant] Some of the answers are easy, right? I can't give you the answers for why this defense, which is supposed to be a top 15, top 10, top five defense, completely crap the bed against no offense, Daniel.


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[Assistant] So like, that's the thing, like you made Daniel Jones look like a much better quarterback. You've got no pressure on him. We're supposed to have a good pass rush and that's incredibly infuriating. So like there's Joe Barry, the fact that we're lining up like 10 yards off the line of scrimmage from the guy and the guy only needs six yards to get a first down. Like that's Mike Petten stuff there. So that's one.


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[Assistant] Then two, on top of that, you look at the offense and you have Aaron Jones, who's averaging, I think it was 4.8 yards per carry. And then you had Dylan, who was averaging over five and you just stopped giving them the ball instead of thinking three times in a row. And so this came out in the post game because they asked whose decision was that? Was that Leflore or was that Rogers audibling out of it?


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[Assistant] At the end of the day, it was a stupid decision because sometimes the easiest...


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[Assistant] Like decision is the one that's just right in front of you when that's working. So as soon as the Giants tie that game, you need a long sustained drive. Start running the football because it's working.


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[Assistant] So I don't even care if the Giants are stacking the box, cause guess what? If the run game was still, you know, getting some yards and they just did like an eight minute play or I'm sorry, eight minute drive and you gave them the ball back in 46 seconds and put a defense on the field who was already struggling. So yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, I think there is a little bit, I mean, Aaron Rogers has struggled to throw the football a couple of times during the games, um, that I, the past few weeks.