[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd like to see just events you can encounter. So whether it's like a ghost ship, whether it's just being prevalent and having more interactivity and impact. So whether it's a infamous pirate


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, something like that even. Just, just more of those events.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, or if it's like two of you have to stay on the ship and stave off some force while the other two go on the island and get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patrick D13 says there is a dead tavern shown in a trailer, but I don't think it's been found yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Lawrence is right, there was a history, sorry, pardon me, there was no history. Yeah. So, I mean, now you can show Metroid Prime 4 logo and everyone loses their shit and you just showed a logo. Nah, you're banging off nostalgia. But you have, yeah, you have an install base in nostalgia and history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, first panel is a picture of Claudia, and she's saying, I set the alarm to go downtown this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the next is of daylight savings time and o'clock and it says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bottom left corner is a picture of a car in a driveway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was wondering why it was so dark outside. Final panel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Claudia again. I was mad at Mark until I realized the clock had been like that for a week and I didn't even notice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why I know what urinal pucks smell like maybe from my years working in housekeeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they share, okay. No, yeah, that's a joke, two different


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, when you're an entrepreneur, you might get your mind confused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When did they get that goal? When we were taking the selfie? Oh, that guy's determined I wouldn't steal his parking spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, would you want to stare a parking spot down against him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so there's a new episode of Theater Mode every Friday on Rooster Teeth First and that's at, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 12 p.m. Pacific, 2 p.m. Central, 3 p.m., 3 p.m. Eastern. Wherever you wanna watch it, you watch it. I ain't gonna stop you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I just remember Fortnite was like, the girls had like the big luscious butts. Oh yea, they do. They're absolutely right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, you know, may work even harder than a lot of big Hollywood actors, more hour per day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, not from eBay, but I did buy a mini-disc player. That's pretty embarrassing. Uh, like, a month before, like, they were completely useless, and nobody, but that was, they were pretty much always


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a knife that had a clip that was supposed to stick in your, I didn't know, boots. But I bought a knife that could slip in your shoe. I tried to stick it in my chucks. Did it work? No, I mean it was a piece of shit. It came dull and like bent. And like the handles were just two pieces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, your whole room is nothing but Star Wars. Where did you get that 3D cardboard Phantom Menace display? Did you get that at a theater?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I knew you were gonna ask something weird. Yeah, right. Uh, for aesthetics or for pleasure? Either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone's grandmother's jewelry that they hawked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you guys skipped the Blink-182 segment. I was all geared up for that. You wanna go? No, I'm good. Really? I'm gonna go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be, that would be great. Alright, we can all go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna unmute the mics, but it'll be going over this test pattern thing. Oh yea. I've always, I, uh, the relationship of flowering young women to horses is something that I've thought a lot about. A lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's difficult to suss out. I feel like the attraction is something relatively primal and that it's a visitation of power and animalistic allure. This is what all men apparently think about women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, I made a thing. This is gonna be a throwback. But it's gonna require some hot button presses. So let's see if this works and doesn't break anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, yeaah, I was trying to dig out that project file, so I could extend the music under it, cause it's supposed to bleed off, except I couldn't find it, cause it's three years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, welcome to a SEXY bowl of dude soup. I'm your host, Lawrence Antic, joined by a panel of sex-perts, love-experts. Uh-oh. First off, we'll start with Elise Willems. Hi, Elise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just, I was just asking. That was a horse cast. Shouldn't have thrown it on you. Yeah, the Centaurologist, uh, Alana on up here. Thank you for joining us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then, um, ab, centaur ab, uh, caliper expert. I just imagine Bruce measuring, uh, I have a caliper measuring his body fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bruce Green, hey Bruce. Hello. Hold on, I'm gonna look up a fat centaur real quick. There's gotta be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is it Baskin Robbins? Aww. Wait, why'd they make it a woman? That's not fair! Oh, that's- what's her name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they- I want a dude! Okay, get in there. I got a little pregnant belly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what a, uh, what a confusing thing the centaur, uh, biology is. Oh, I'm wearing armor. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good job Mina. This podcast is brought to you by three sponsors, Stitch Fix, Casper and Dollar Shave Club. You can get started now at stitchfix.com slash dude soup and get 25% off your Stitch Fix order when you keep all the items in that box. Uh, you can join Dollar Shave Club today for $5 and get their shit shower and shave starter set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what they call it. Uh, it'll make more sense later. Uh, that's at dollarshapeclub.com slash dude and for a limited time, you can go to casper.com slash savings and get $200 off your purchase of $2,000 or more. Uh, so 10% discount, I guess is what it equals out to. Although this special offer expires February 20th, uh, 2018. Um, so more details on all of those offers later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But first, we got more ways for you to spend your money, because it's Valentine's Day, or at least it will be soon. Uh, so I thought we could all talk about our lovely experiences on Valentine's Day, or lack thereof. Well this podcast, when this goes up, it'll be a day after Valentine's Day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we have to salve those wounds. Also, uh, yeah, if you, if you are single or soon to be single, depending on how Valentine's Day goes. Soon to be single.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You can do whatever you want. Yeaah, playing video games and masturbating as usual.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a minute, this has nothing to do with Valentine's Day. No, it does, it gets there. He's got a little dog friend that's gonna open the door for him. They're gonna kill us some day, so get used to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] St. Bernard. St. Bernard. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Lawrence, your brain. So, uh, yes, the, uh, the tale of my vagina exploding, pfft, wonderful, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Abilities. Yeah, and we're watching robots do backflips and stuff while this is happening. I can't jump that high. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, uh, this is about where, I think I was a freshman in college, and, uh, I had spent my high school years desperately alone, mostly blaming the world for it, and I decided no longer, it's time for me to flex, oh god his thighs were quivering, uh, time for me to flex my, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My romantic muscles, uhm. And some other muscles. Yeah, well, didn't quite get that far. My, uh, my online chat game was pretty hot. Uh, I could, I could find people on Yahoo chat, talk them down pretty good. Uhm, it was the meeting, it was the meeting in person that became an issue. So. I can see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's robots Biff in it now. So, uh, there was this, there was this lady I was talking up and we had met yet, but she did tell me her address. Uhm, so yeah. That's a lot of trust. Wow. So in between classes, I drove over there and like put a little package of like chocolates and presents and stuff on her front door and then left. Okay. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then later that night we were talking on the phone, cause, uh, you know, things were getting pretty heavy. Uhm, and she's like, I was just waiting for the topic to come up and she's like, you know, it's Valentine's. And I was like, yeah, I know. She's like, yeah, I'm a little disappointed you didn't do anything. But didn't I? Go outside. Oh, she didn't see it? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a reason that we ended up together for that brief moment in time. Uh, cause I also did not go outside much. But uh, I got to like be on the phone with her when she went outside and discovered it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, hold on. Did she come over? Did she come over though? No, absolutely not. No, I went over for like our first date.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another day. Okay. Come on, we're shy nerds, Bruce, it's college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are we gonna do? I don't know what sex is. I'm not saying have sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, it all fell apart once we met in person and she discovered that I was about 80, 90 pounds overweight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, uh, horrifically bad in social situations of all kinds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Austin, you're doing it. You're doing it! You'll be our downfall, but you're really doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of Valentine's Day and issues of love, I have this problem right now, where my bathroom is right on the edge of my wifi range, and that makes it very difficult to watch certain types of content in my sacred lair, if you know what I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's very sad. That's funny. You try and like pick a good, a good freeze frame. You're like, ah, okay. I got a pretty clear view. It's slightly blurry, but it might work. Mhmm, yeah. Especially when you gotta dial down the bitrate. Cause like I said, it's really, it's really choking out. Living in a crowded apartment complex, you get a lot of wifi interference. Really sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a really good idea. And the government can't keep tabs on me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ugh, the only other, only other tale of romance. Oh wait, one happened last night, actually. Uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Stephanie actually gave me my Valentine's Day gift early, uhm, because she loves me and she's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a white Russian and a black Russian? No, no, no. I was like, I'm gonna make that shit and it's gonna be delicious. So, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a moment of not forgetting basic high school chemistry, I took a bottle of vodka out of the freezer, poured it in. I left some space, cause like, oh I might expand, I don't want to be an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, it had a little cap, so because alcohol actually evaporates pretty quickly, so capped it up. And then I was like, I'm gonna watch this, I'm gonna behold this, this piece of art, while I sit in, sit in the living room and play video games with my underwear. Like a, like a, you know, educated man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so I spent, I spent last night cleaning up glass shards and vodka. But, uh, I prefer to think, I, I, I speculate that since I put like chilled vodka into it and then it rose to room temperature, it expanded and then shattered the glass. That's probably what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instead, consider that perhaps I was so good at Zelda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all, that was the connection?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So good at Zelda? Well, it was a Valentine's Day gift. It's a, it's a circuitous threat, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Consider that I would not have gotten that present if I weren't already good at Zelda. Stephanie probably wouldn't be attracted to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like goading him on the entire- I can't believe they ruined my pizza. You gotta do something. Look at this asshole. Like I like that version of events even though that's probably not what happened. And I like that he was an asshole. That's a very excited robot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is the man was the victim here. That's what I'm saying. Please keep that in mind this Valentine's Day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a great story for me. Avoid all restaurants, typically. That's, uh, that seems to be the, uh, the event of choice for most couples. Just go out for a nice meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cook, cook yourself, man. And then if you fuck it up, uh, have a backup plan, but then it's an enjoyable story that you might tell in a podcast someday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, or play Zelda while your girlfriend's bored on her phone. And do really good, man, that shrine was hard and I passed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happened a long time ago. Yeah. As soon as, I think, uh, after Mexican Christmas, which I believe is one week into January, then all the Christmas decorations come down and it's all hearts everywhere. Cause my lady loves her some hearts, uhm, as evidenced by...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he threw a bomb and then blew himself up in mid-air to get propelled up. We're watching a skip video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't respond to like text messages, but I did enjoy harvesting them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and this was my first exposure to like, man, men are kinda dumb. Is that every response I got was just a copy and paste, uh, same shit. Like, man, you're real hot, uh, let's hang out. You didn't even mention the foot stomping! That's what it was all about! Not okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you what the trick is though. You gotta get really good at squats. Cause you don't want to be too high in your moment of reverie. You'll lose eye tracking. So if you dip in a little bit, lower the distance, then you can basically do whatever you want. And you're guaranteed to not have to mop up a mess afterward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are there ways around it? Except for socks? Some dudes wear condoms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dudes have no taste. So like, uh, some, in the way that we imagine ladies will light some votives and put on a nice record and like spray some scents in the air and then like bed everything down and have a nice sensual evening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we imagine these things, but guys are just like, oh that tree stump kinda looks like a butt, and then they have sex with it. And also somehow nature has empowered us to ignore basically all pain or physical discomfort in the process of having sex with it. Yeah, it's pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like those are all, not to get into too much sociological discussion, but I genuinely feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those factors are why some guys develop a strong resentment of women, because they are, they feel


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of, yeah, their thing is kind of like that having sex is a need and that it's not fair for someone that could provide that and relieve them of their suffering to withhold that. Ewww.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're in a place where they're illegal, and then also it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm not gonna say that all people who subscribe to the incel lifestyle are this way, not that I even understand it that thoroughly, despite, you know, not boning in my life till very, very later on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am an educated man, that's true. Uh, I'm telling you, just squat over the toilet. Uh, it's the educated way to do it. But uh, there definitely is an aspect of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially for dudes, of, of, yeaah, a growing bitterness and resentment, because you perceive it as being so easy for everyone else, so then you feel like you are being singled out and hurt. Oh, I see what you're saying, yeaah. Is it victim complex? A bit, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And again, uh, this is just my analysis of it, having lived through my version of it, uh, is that the victim complex also leaves you with any kind of responsibility. So it's not that you have to learn how to shower or dress or talk to people or even treat someone that you see as a sexual object as a person and then get to know them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because you s- you think that everyone else is getting laid without having to do those things, so why should you? And then media has its own place in the formation of those ideas. So whatever, uh, Valentine's Day can get complicated, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when those bottles pop, uh, it gets rough. Just remember, squat when you're masturbating in the toilet. Yeah, you don't wanna, you don't wanna hit the rim. Because then it's like, it's white porcelain, so it gets kinda hard to tell where it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but like, let's say you, let's say you like go right, let's say your aim is off or you get part of it and then there's a streak and then you gotta go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That's very cool. So, uh, for those who haven't played Zelda, there are these, like, spider bot tanks with laser cannons, and he, he, like, trained one all the way across the world map to this desert where there's this big sand dinosaur, uhm, and he's making them fight, which is pretty sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not in master mode now, I'm a week from now and I'll be, I'll be this good. I know, you're gonna get laid constantly. Yeah, I am. Oh yeah, Stephanie will be climbing up on me, I'm like, get off!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to finish this. We do it when I want to and only when I want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is another beautiful aspect of relationships that a lot of dudes can't seem to grasp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gotta, you gotta try to be, uh, original. Like, uh, me and my creeper box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I recall, yeaah. So you suggested that I reach out to Marcus for something custom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me, I'm gonna yelp it. Please do. Uh, in the meantime, uh, we are berating you or barraging you with wonderful tips on how to improve your life and get laid this Valentine's Day. Uh, a top tip for me is to improve your fashion sense. You can do that with Stitch Fix, one of the sponsors of this podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Stitch Fix is a closed by mail service. You'll note that most of the sponsors on this podcast are by mail. That's not a, not an accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've gotten three or four, and each one was progressively better, so that, the setup totally works. And this is the thing that I think a lot of people just kind of assume since most, most, uh, like, buy mail services or subscription. This is totally, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On demand. So, you don't have to sign up for anything, you can just do it once and try it out. If you like it, you can do it again. Uhm, I've kinda fallen into a rhythm of doing it every, like, 45 months. Just to get some new cool, uh, higher quality clothes in my rotation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so if that sounds good to you, if you'd like to try it out, please go to StitchFix.com slash Dude Soup and you can get 25% off your Stitch Fix box if you keep all the items in it. Want more of that? StitchFix.com slash Dude Soup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can look better, feel better today, or I guess three or four days from now whenever the box arrives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're good, we're good. It's funny you brought up Valentine's Day not being cool. There's typically always, you know, people who are like, Valentine's Day sucks, it's just commercialization, and why should it be rubbed on my face? So there's a whole group in Japan, this is from Kotaku, that protest Valentine's Day, the commercialization of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're pretty rad. The Revolutionary League of Lonely Souls gets together in Japan and marches through Shibuya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, uh, to demonstrate that Valentine's Day is bad and you should not like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything in Japan is Vegeta. So the website, it goes back a long way. Uhm, this is Google translated here. Godiva equals chocolate. I will not yield to incentives of capital. Uhm, a revolutionary non-mote alliance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a brief aside, motay is the quality of somebody being popular with the opposite sex. So if you were non-motay, you were not attractive. Apparently that was not translatable. Damn it, Google. Uhm, calling for solidarity between non-motys to build a bright future for people without motivation will hold a Valentine's Day crushing demonstration.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go Diva. A Chocolate Capital is talking about advert- or t- yea, talking about advertisements that instigate masses. But do not give in to such incitement. Let's not knock out the old trainings such as Valentine's Day before it is complete.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, a little broken Google Translate, but uhm, they, uh, they listed the thing here. It happened on February 12th. Uh, and it's not the first one either. There's a whole, there's years and years and years of them chronicled here. I think it started in 2006.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would assume. I haven't seen a whole lot of mention of White Day just yet, but. I actually hadn't considered that it might be like a self-aware joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose it could be. That does kind of fall in line with my perception of Japanese humor. Which is like doing something totally straight-laced, but kind of self-aware. Uh, but I like their signs. I appreciate the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The effort there. Uh, oh yeaah, there's the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I tried to translate that sign. So, I discovered something beautiful when I was trying to sign up for a Japanese Playstation account. Is that Google Translate has this feature where it'll translate stuff through your phone camera?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeaah. They just started that. It's really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let me see here. Oh yea, there's a lot of photos on their Twitter account. Some of the signs are forward-facing enough to be translated. And actually it looks pretty like cyberpunk-cool to see it. Unfortunately, this is going to be very hard to show the audience. It's like an AR thing, right? Yea. Maybe your reactions will...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that neat? Except it like freaks out sometimes which makes it like really fucking cool. I saw this. I saw this. Somebody was doing a demo of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, that's what I was, okay. But there's two webcams. Alright, so I'll do one and then the other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and it's also, it's a hand scribbled sign, it's a, it's a photo, so it's not like, pure clear text. But still, cool as hell. So, so cool. And it did, it did allow me to sign up for a Japanese Playstation account, so I was able to play DJ Max. Thank you for asking. Again, one of those things. You guys are, mmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of Valentine's Day and romance, is there ever a thing any of you used to do in seclusion, thinking that, man, someday I hope I meet somebody who's really turned on by this thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why this shit resonates with me. But I remember being in the arcade, uh, tapping out those notes, just going hog wild on some terrible Japanese EDM.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And thinking, man, someday some lady is gonna see me being good at this game and she'll be totally turned on. Does Stephanie like it? She does actually. There you go. I got crazy lucky. Nice. So, I was curious if...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Oh absolutely. And there will be somebody who will...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happily eat that thing from you, suck it down, and be very turned on by it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one thing I love, is when people find who they're meant for in this world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, Stephanie has not many rules, but that's one of them. That that line never be crossed. Maybe not intentionally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, she would be very upset. Even if it was an accident?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can work something out. I think the problem would be that she would be discreet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you're traveling, and I guess ideally you would ask your partner, like, hey, rub one out and film it for me. But, you know, iCloud. Gate situations. Uh, so yea, I think if you have a chosen performer that is similar to your loved one, it's a... I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In this digital age, I do wonder, like, where do you draw the line at? Cheating? When it comes to romance and stuff like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, porno and beyond, so let's say that, uh, you know, it goes in, it goes in degrees, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Masturbating to porn while you're with somebody typically not considered cheating. What if you fuck a fleshlight while watching porn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if- Still no. Still no? Okay, what if you hook a sex doll?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a theory, in that I've seen people discuss this before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guys don't like seeing attractive men in porn, so there may be a factor where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to see a dude who's like ripped and hot banging a girl. That makes sense. Cause it makes me feel like I won't be able to do that. But if there's a creepy old dude, then it's easier for me to just like screen him out and then I can focus on the woman. I don't know. Maybe there's, there's an aspect. That makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some ladies, uh, yeaah, some ladies like performing. Sometimes it's a, uh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's a, uh, it's a, it's meant to instruct, so it's like, you might not really be in a screaming moment. That's true. If he hits a good spot, you're like, oh shit, yea, I keep doing that, but you just go like waaaaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of weird sounds, uhm, I found... Okay, so we just, we recently came back from RTX Australia. And there were some awesome flyers in the bags they handed out to everyone. We got to sign a few that had Limp Bizkit on them for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was excellent. That describes a band that I'm pretty sure I would really actually love unironically. And, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved the description of it so much that I want Bruce to read it. Woah, really?


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[Assistant] There might be some cool way to pronounce it that I'm not aware of. Uh, but I wanna make this clear. I'm actually probably gonna look these guys up and genuinely listen to them. But, uh, Bruce, if you could take it away, please. Of course. Do you wanna say back or bock? Uh, we'll say back. That sounds crazier.


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[Assistant] We're giving out at OCX. Yeah. It's like Sydney gift bags, I guess. Okay.


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[Assistant] Oh man, this, they, they even did like a progressive... Wait, is this back? ...art house. Yeah, I think so. Wow. Life and Perception, part one and two. How does the music sound?


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[Assistant] Alright, let me. I mean, we don't know when we're gonna dive in, so these are mystery beats.


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[Assistant] Casper's sponsoring this podcast and they make wonderful mattresses. Space age material cutting edge tech. Uh, they have three mattress lines to choose from. There's the original Casper, the Innovative Wave, and the Streamlined Essential. I love reading product names. I'll never, I'll never get tired of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Casper promises, and they, they empower you to, uh, wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and without back pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so you can be sure of your Casper purchase with a 100 night, risk free, sleep on it trial. It's almost three months to try out a mattress. Nobody else will do that. So, risk free trial, they'll uh, send it to you. Returns are hassle free if you're not completely satisfied. And for a limited time, you can go to casper.com slash savings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And get $200 off your purchase of $2,000 or more. And that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About right for a good mattress. Just by the way, mattresses are expensive. Good ones are, anyway. So stop sleeping on a pile of cardboard boxes. That's what I did for a very long time. Live right. Live well. Treat yourself good. Get a Casper mattress. Also pretty good for the lovemaking. Not gonna lie. If you ever have problems with traction, if your heels start slipping back and you lose the thrust.


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[Assistant] Uh, disgustingly often. But yea, it's perfect for that. It conforms to every shape.


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[Assistant] Whatever, you wanna tuck him up into a ball and go to town, you can do that too. And uh, you'll stay right where you need to. It's got the perfect spring and bounce. I'm gonna stop talking about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but yes, please go to casper.com slash savings for $200 off your purchase of $2,000 or more. And that offer expires February 20th. Uh, terms and conditions apply. You can check that out at casper.com slash terms for more details, but once more, that's casper.com slash savings. Please go check it out. Treat yourself to a good night's sleep. Treat yourself to something. Valentine's Day is about treating yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I'm gonna circle back around to it because I'm fascinated by this, this question and it's something that I think everybody sort of decides for themselves at various points, but like at what point...


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[Assistant] Is something considered infidelity or makes you uncomfortable? Uhm, somebody in chat, I think Lauren was talking about how VR stuff is kind of where it gets weird when you can put on like 3D goggles and sort of transmute


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if Stephanie came home and I were like, 3D fucking anime girl. Yeah, that'd be an issue. Oh yeah, there's that. I need to look up that trailer.


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[Assistant] What is, what is the core of it that's uncomfortable? It's, it's...


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Well, they got it on YouTube somehow.


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[Assistant] I would only, I'd be down with that. I'd only be upset when three minutes after you start looking at your phone through Skype instead of watching me play Zelda.


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[Assistant] Well that's how people socialize now, to a large degree. It's like texting or playing a game together.


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[Assistant] Uh, when I think about it in my parlance, it'd be like, hey, we're having a LAN party, everybody come over. And then somebody would be like, I'll just connect over the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess yea, an iPad on wheels would be the life of the party for a little bit. People would be taking shots with the robot. They'd love it. Like, eeeeh.


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[Assistant] So, I mean, you can just order an escort and say, wear this mask. Yea, but it wouldn't have Elise's face.


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[Assistant] No, there's a sweet comic. No, that's not it. I mean that's close to it. Damn it.


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[Assistant] Anyway, it's a cool comic, but I can't find it now. I promise it exists.


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[Assistant] Maybe the, maybe the ghost isn't involved. What are we watching right now? Is this- This is Akihabara? Japanese people on trains? Yeah, this- I found this YouTube channel that just uploads like, bulk, candid footage from Japan in the early 90s. It's like Persona 5 all over again.


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[Assistant] Oh, okay, I guess this is it. This is the original. Uh, everyone. The... fabled, sweet comic.


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[Assistant] And the next one. Yeah, I mean, so it's, it's, ideally, or theoretically, that, why don't, why don't I auto-play it after this? Whatever, who cares? Uhm, hopefully it was on another dick. It's probably okay.


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[Assistant] It's really gross, but it's, this is something that like is going to happen and going to get more intense. So what happens when deepfakes are in VR? Uhm, and that's one of the things that kind of


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[Assistant] I feel like the tech is gonna be there, so now we have to start telling people.


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[Assistant] Maybe have respect for people you haven't met, and don't do that shit, and don't- But people are going to, so it's like, man, this is just where it's going.


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[Assistant] Bruce, I would speculate that it's, I'm not a big fan of drawing like blanket gender statements, but I think the way that men and women stereotypically interact with sex probably doesn't lead a lot of women to want to invest time, technology, money, and effort into depersonalizing a man just so they can have sex with him.


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[Assistant] It's all for them. That's one of the things that I can't-


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[Assistant] I can't wait for dudes to figure out that they can have sex with other dudes because...


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[Assistant] There are so many guys who are, only want to live in the male version of sex. And that they watch anime drawn by men. They have sex with robots designed by men. They go into VR to fuck women designed by men. So why don't you just fuck a man? If they know what you want.


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[Assistant] Well what I'm fascinated by is, even with the existence of Grindr, there's, technology is still empowering people to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, take ownership away from other people in terms of like, uh,


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[Assistant] Stealing images that, you know, obviously weren't meant to be circulated or creating images that were never there in the first place via deepfakes or VR or whatever. So even though dudes can find someone to suck a dick or get their dick sucked or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We still choose to do that instead. So there's like a weird, there's a weird emotional layer to it too that hasn't really been dealt with.


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[Assistant] I'm waiting for the moment when a dude can, through VR, be an anime girl and then have sex with another dude through VR.


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[Assistant] There's one thing that I love, a device that seems to only pop up in stage plays, which is that the lights are off, you can't tell what's going on. Oh yea. That's like so Shakespearean.


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[Assistant] This is my mind freak, alright. Uh, so I was watching Planet Earth, uh, and there's this, there's this scene where they shoot in the Vatican basically. There's all these birds that live in the Vatican and they shit over the entire town. And I was like, haha, take that God. I thought it was really funny. Stupid birds shitting all over your most holy place. But then, then my mind got freaked out.


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[Assistant] Uh, so they're showing all this bird shit everywhere and I'm like, uh, uh, uh, God isn't real. And then they like go on about how, and this is gonna be difficult to show because, you know, we don't own the program, but there's a, uh, there's a part in the trailer that, that shows part of it. The, uh, these same birds fly in these like crazy patterns around the Vatican for no reason.


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[Assistant] Like, do this shit all the time. Woah. Yeaah. Actually I'll just play the whole trailer cause. I didn't know that. Shit's ridiculous. Yeaah, so I was like, wow. For no discernible reason, all these animals put on this incredible show in what is considered the seat of Christianity or something that's close to God. I was like, uh.


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[Assistant] Whoa, that's the real double freak right there. Is that sometimes in life, something is beautiful, but it can also be covered in shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The freaks never stop. Look at all these crabs. Look at all the crabs!


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[Assistant] No, seriously, Planet Earth is awesome. Uh, I've been like, I don't wanna, it's the kind of show that I could just watch start to finish. So I've been tempering it, taking it in small doses. We've been watching the deep.


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[Assistant] I've always, oh yeaah. Aw, baby water! Aw, baby water! So adorable. I mean, like growing up with Star Trek and shit, I've always wanted that experience. And I feel like yeaah, deep ocean diving is as close as it gets. Where you're surrounded by animals, none of which know who you are or what you are, and could kill you in an instant.


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[Assistant] I'd be down. Explore Everywhere. That's, uh, Star Trek telling me that's humanity's greatest, uh, aspect or virtue. Sort of.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's, that's, that's what, that's what freaked my mind, is uh, Microsoft sent us like, gift packages that had one x's in them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but you don't have to go to space to get an out of this world shave.


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[Assistant] That's right, Dollar Shave Club is sponsoring this podcast. Their aforementioned, uh, shit shower and shave starter set contains all the- Get out of here, old man. Uh, Richard Attenborough. Whatever. I wanna hear him talk, not look at him talk. Sorry, Dollar Shave Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so they have a five dollar, uh, shit shower and shave starter kit. It includes all the products to do all of the activities mentioned. Uh, that includes a six blade, that's right, technology has come a long way, six blades in one razor, executive razor, plus trial sizes of shave butter, body cleanser, and one wipe Charlie's. And if you never had peppermint up in your business, you need to get it up there pronto.


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[Assistant] Cause you'll feel, it is a gift to self to feel clean and peppy, uh, where the sun doesn't shine.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and you can sign up for their blades by mail recurring service or just order them whenever you want, that's what I do actually.


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[Assistant] I do implore you to try it out, it's only five bucks, and if you, if you're maybe not in the habit of using beauty products at all, you're just a basic soap, talon soap man.


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[Assistant] Give it a crack. It's only five bucks. And I think you'll find you enjoy a higher class experience. So that's dollarshaveclub.com slash dude. One more time, dollarshaveclub.com slash dude. Spelled pretty much exactly like it sounds. Thank you for your sponsorship, Dollar Shave Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda do need to know Superman's true power. We don't have time for this though. It's probably just love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, Dragon Ball, we get it. Why's he, like, got a burst capillary in his eye? Cause he had to fight something.


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[Assistant] Whatever, alright. It's time to, it's time for Hard Netting. Uhm, Alana if you're unfamiliar.


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[Assistant] Every week, uh, there's the last week's champion versus a new entrant to see who's netting harder, which is a very loose definition. Essentially, I feel like the internet has empowered a lot of strange human behavior or allowed people with weird fixations to connect and create societies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, hard nettin' is to celebrate the people who have found those things or are living their best lives and we are allowed to participate in that through the internet. So...


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[Assistant] Last week, yeaah, there was a gentleman, uh, an internet comedian? Uhm, his channel's called KissCactus.


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[Assistant] He, uh, he has a lot of videos, most of which are about half a minute, no, about ten seconds long. And, uh, the trend is pretty easy to identify. So I'll just play a few for you.


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[Assistant] There it is. Uh, so he even posted a video of his acknowledging of us entering him into this.


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[Assistant] Uh, unfortunately he doesn't yank the webcam around, uh, not too shabby, but that's okay. He doesn't do not too shabby in that video? He's- hey. Oh, come on. He's the expert- That's his one thing! Ah, he's got a lot of things.


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[Assistant] Alright, well lemme, lemme, here's the competitor, uh.


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[Assistant] Physical evidence of titans. The truth is out there, you guys. And it's got sweet EDM beats. What are titans? I mean, it's exactly what it sounds like.


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[Assistant] So, uh, there are titans, they were real, uhm.


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[Assistant] I've been, I've been DMing with an individual who is loading me up with a lot of information on this topic. Uh, there's apparently like a call, like a test, a DNA test. They did find DNA in some rocks or something. Uh, not gonna, not gonna lie and say I really understood that particular aspect of it, but hey, maybe we'll get in there.


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[Assistant] So he's saying that they're gonna eventually fight at some point? No, I think it's more- Just that they're all taken.


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[Assistant] Yeah, a rod of a Slepius. So yeah.


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[Assistant] It's a, it's a good mood setting beat for uh, discovering the truth about the world. I'm not quite seeing this though. Nah, neither am I. I'm not quite- No, I don't get that one. No. Oh, okay, he has it listed. Oh, okay, they labeled it. Yep. Uh, no?


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[Assistant] That just looks like rock. I mean, it was a long time ago when titans roamed the earth. Yea, they've been coming and stuff now. So there's, this one has a spectral man delivering to you the age of disclosure. I chose it because it has even better music.


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[Assistant] That's just a rock. No, it's a- I see your face. It's a rock giant Ko Young from Thailand. A real titan. That is real.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna tell you what's a stretch, believing that titans weren't real.


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[Assistant] Uuuh. The Spectro Man put out his palm.


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[Assistant] Okay, I hope it's not too late. Let me... Oh wait, hold on. Wait this mall? There's new information I didn't know about? Yea, there's a study I gotta yank out here. Uh, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Genomic or genomic or mitochondrial DNA from three mud fossil samples. So they did DNA testing on fossil samples. Uhm, I think...


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[Assistant] You would have thought so. They're fossils, yeaah. So it's tough because people are pointing to...


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[Assistant] There are positive results for DNA in some of these fossils, which, I mean, it could just be a fossil as far as I understand. It doesn't necessarily mean that it was a titan. Oh wait, here we go. Uhm, the sequence match was to Homo sapiens.


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[Assistant] I would be upset if I didn't, uh, present all the facts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we haven't gone around to Flat Earth yet or, uh, some other weird stuff. We'll get there. Flat Earth is too obvious. Well, Alana, how do you, how do you fare? What do you feel in here?


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[Assistant] It is very sick EDM. I'm probably gonna listen to this when I work later today. I got back and agent disclosure loaded up. I'm gonna have a good night. Alright Elise, it's tied up. You gotta be the tiebreaker now.


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[Assistant] Oh snap. The La Salamina's Courthouse.


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[Assistant] Very nice. I'm proud of him. So uhm, also just to sweeten the pot, he does have a playlist of all of his Not Too Shabbies. I think there's about, uh, there's like hundreds and hundreds in there. There's 946. Almost a thousand. Almost a thousand, man. We're coming up on Not Too Shabby Millennium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Shablenium, Will Smith would be proud.


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[Assistant] Nailed it. Well, thanks for listening everybody. That'll round out today's podcast. Uh, go forth and get laid with all that you've learned today. Uh, thank you Elise, Alana, Bruce for joining me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and uh, yeaah, if you're watching live, uh, we will have the post show coming up right after this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Lana's gonna have to sit through a lot of fan art for things she doesn't care about. Sorry, Lana. But, we also solicit questions live. So, there's also chat, which is gonna complicate things. I prefer making people type out a question and then hit submit. A little more. He's a little fast. Yeah. He's a little fast. Bust out the quillen pen. Quillen ink, whatever.


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[Assistant] Anyway, that's coming up next, but if you're not watching live, thank you for, uh, thank you for listening to us this week. We hope to speak to you again next week, or go into your eyeballs however you consume this show. Always appreciate it. But for now, uh, goodbye, and we'll see you again.


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[Assistant] 73 years ago, Cornerman Dingo, father of the Tiberius Method, introduced the five life agreements that are essential to freeing oneself from pain and hardship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, our esteemed life coaches and Dreamweavers will teach you the five agreements and deliver you on the path to fulfillment and self-improvement. Parking not validated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, no, no, I was just, I'll do it again. I was laughing at it because it's funny. Hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roll that sweet graphic. So you're not familiar with hardware. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So well, that's uh, that's like Barbie quality uh, Interest concepts. Interest concepts. So yea, uh, man, there she goes.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I played- I played most of the games that are on it. Okay. At least once, and then it sat on a shelf for- since then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is a golf RPG with a bunch of like other weird stuff happening in the background that you can go do like there's disc golf, there's mini golf. Cool. It's all 8 bit though, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this Mike Tyson or just Super? Well, they couldn't get Mike Tyson. Yea, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six Flags is less expensive than, what the fuck do you do at Universal Studios?


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[Assistant] Or is that like, is that like the power distribution? The closer to nerd city you are, the more power you hold?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what they'll put, he overdosed on heroin, but it's cardiac arrest. He went out peacefully. Last dance to marry Jane. That was it. Last dance with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless you do it for three months straight, then you can make a joke. I respect that.


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[Assistant] So no, you're still not okay with it? Baby Groot being Groot's son?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When did they call him Groot though? Plants still need a crossbreed though, right?


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[Assistant] Anything hit from A League of Their Own, like in the 90s was like, I'm gonna be on fucking top forever. Forever. Free Willy. Point Girl. You mean the actress? Free Willy. Yea, A League of Their Own. Tank Girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, the car? She probably, I guarantee you she did a bunch of voice acting. Kit Williams? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like her. Look at that man, she was on top of it. Alien nation?


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[Assistant] She was an alien, like the TV show or the movie? She was on the show. I gotta get, I really just gotta get a career going in like, sea level movies. Like, a couple good classic flicks under my belt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mean, you mean the guy from Day 5 Season 2? What's his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gary Busey's son? No, the guy from, he's in Day 5, Season 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he? No. I don't think he is. It's not Clancy Brown. No. It's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry. It's Michael Lindblad. It's pronounced Eris. Yeah, I was gonna say it. Talk to him about it the other, the other weekend. He wants people to call his kid Eris. Okay. Okay. So just, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They couldn't, he just said that it's like a thing now. That's a new trend, yea.


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[Assistant] Let's see how being behind bars affects Elise, and as soon as the door shuts...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless you have money. You may be looking outside of your own worldview. Yeah. That's why you're here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't exactly, I mean, I don't know why everyone plays these games, right? I can't predict why games get popular, but I do like seeing situations where a game with style


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not necessarily bad, but they went for like a realism type thing. And then PUBG came out and it was like the same game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now Fortnite is the fun cartoony style. It's not necessarily better or worse, but it's a different, more, a different cartoony style of it, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, again, I think Arkham Asylum definitely looked at how you play God of War, and were like, how can we make this Batman, and then everything else copied Arkham's system of things? But, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, it's, it's interesting how, like you're saying, these IPs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're only talking about in terms of games, but this is basically everything and anything that in human society is like, optional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you could say, like entertainment I think is crucial, but like even things like fashion, you know, like, there is a period where people are like, hm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I wanna live in Mad Men. And then people just started designing their living rooms in, you know, 2010 to look like they were from the 60s or the 70s or anything like that or, you know, there was a point when all Hollywood made were westerns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they, like literally if you do the Universal Studio Tour you drive through a street and they're like, this is called Five Points, uh, Five Points Town or whatever because there were five different sets so they could film five different western movies all at the same time because that's what people were interested in, you know?


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[Assistant] Tell me if, this probably already exists, but tell me if you think it's a bad idea, or a good idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little divots in the cutting, a really large cutting board that has little divots. So when you chop your garlic, you slide it into this divot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would? You would. Oh no, for sure, I think. That's what we do with you. So in the sense his life is not devil's advocate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chromosomally, at, uh, Lawrence is correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, totally is, and it's totally being made. Remember when it won, like, trailer of the year at the Inside Gaming Awards? It's still a fucking awesome trailer. And I kept, you know, as we were in that meeting and I kept going, but what is the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that he's like, make sure the coast is clear. No one except for that giant van of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She didn't call me! It's kind of a bold thing to do. I mean yes, but I'm saying like normally those relationships tend to unfold slowly over time and not with actresses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tank girl is something else. It's something else. I wouldn't call it good, but it's intense. Tank girl and then Judge Dredd and Johnny Mnemonic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great because it's like a bunch of people who don't know that there is someone's job that's a script supervisor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, at the beginning of the movie, they mention this thing. And at the end, that's something that's in the movie. And you're like, yeah, I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone involved in that process had an intention. That's why they mentioned it at the beginning is because it was going to be at the end. It's not like movies are improvised on the spot and all the details are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that people are fascinated with movies because those are the things that I probably like most. You know? Those are the things that I like most. If I could do anything, that's what I would be doing. But, and so that's good for me, that there's so many people fascinated about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard sci-fi may be an extreme term for it. Soft hard sci-fi. Firm sci-fi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like, you know, like it's very focused on the mathematics and like in the physics, someone's got a hard on for physics. So the Martian is a, is hard sci-fi. Maybe it's, I think again, I think that's also a firm sci-fi because I think there's a certain intention where like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's something in between, like, a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, like a Matrix, which has one sci-fi twist and then the rest of it is action to which you are familiar. And other movies that are like Annihilation, which relish


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of weird questions and weird scenarios that you're not familiar with as a viewer and then just piles them on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that way you can get a sci-fi experience. Like Blade Runner I think is also kind of similar to that. It's more about asking the question in a sci-fi science fiction environment than it is about like making you think about how cool the flying cars are. You know? Uhm. Or detailing explicitly how a flying car could work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's like a difference though between Star Wars, right? Which is in a science fiction environment, but doesn't really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm just saying like, it also has technology and stuff like that, and so it's like, but I mean, none of that is crucial to the enjoyment of it necessarily. I think people just dig it. People really dig it. But the movies, themes, and plots aren't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. So it did make money. It maybe broke even with marketing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Box office weekend, for opening box office weekend is the most important of all things, a mentality which we are currently in, theatrically. So like, that's kind of, I could see Blade Runner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be-being popular enough over time to justify it being like, oh, this is really good. Just kinda like the first Blade Runner. You know, I don't think that did very well, but people held onto it. It affected them in some way that they kept coming back, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is, I think, why it's having such a, um, volatile reaction in some people. It can be divisive, not all. Yeaah. Yeaah. For some people, yeaah. Uhm, I think it's because, you know, Lawrence can read that into it, but I think someone else could read something else into it and be completely justified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's, I feel like if you asked Alex Garland, well I know what I know. Like I feel like I know my answer, but that's just my answer on it. And I know that drives people crazy sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of, uh, with, uh, this movie didn't bother me so much. I had a feeling going in that I was not going to get like a solid answer at the end of it. Any time a movie starts with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's your cue as a viewer, the audience, they're not gonna tell me. So I watched it going into that. I did feel like that it kind of straddled the line between, some points where it felt like it wanted to be actiony horror.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then other times it wanted to be very philosophical and thematic to the way Lawrence is like very much explaining. And so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think there's a balance there that I think is causing people to go, Oh, I didn't know what I should have been thinking. I wish it had just been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the type of movie that it was the whole way through. I like that it was both. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I, I got out of a sense that, you know, kind of like building on Lawrence's saying, they talk a lot about mutation and it has like a negative connotation, but then it also shows the beauty of mutation and how we're all a result of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so to think that like, aha, there, we did it. Humans are the final form seems like really naive and short-sighted in the grand scheme of thing. And then when you're in area X, it's designed to make you think outside of the possibilities of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think too, the movie works to say, not to diminish that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, not to diminish you and human beings in our current state, I think you guys are great. And I can't believe that through random chance and evolution, you guys ended up this way. That's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's other stuff that would be haunted. There's giant infinity anuses and like, like duplication machines and endless beauty that we've never been exposed to before. That's also, if we go a little bit further or in a different direction to the side or back or whatever, like, we can come across. So I like how the movie kind of embraces that, to me, that vibe of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least what about you? I think you're coming from a different perspective, because you've read all the books, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suicide is not, it's not just I want to die, sometimes it's self-destructive behavior, and then they managed to like, the movie specifically addressed everyone else's self-destruct, so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Each one of the women has something. The only one it didn't touch on was her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you could argue that her personality type is what drew her to going in that mission in the first place. That like, like, like, gun-toting attitude, you know, like, she creates conflict in places where sometimes there shouldn't be conflict, maybe part of her self-destructive behavior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the movie specifically addresses it so you can identify those attributes with all the other characters, but not necessarily with her, which then makes it a harder pill to swallow when she just becomes an archetype, kind of, you know? I think it's a weird thing. I could see reading it, like writing it and going like, I've justified it. I figured out the solution for her and her being this way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think the movie is also explicit and inexplicit. It's like, sometimes it's like, this is what it was, and then in other times it goes like, but maybe it isn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can someone recommend me a good piece of literature or media or something which features a cyberpunk future where dragons exist? Shadowrun. All of Shadowrun. I guess that's one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn it. Are there, are there street samurais? LA. It was like modern day LA and then occasionally they'd put a CG dragon flying through the sky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if that's a bad sequel. I never saw it. I saw it. I mean it just was like more Boondock Saints. I wouldn't say, I wouldn't qualify All Saints Day Boondock Saints 2 as a bad sequel. It just felt like more Boondock Saints. Die Hard 2 then. Die Hard 2?


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[Assistant] That's what he says. Hey man, I'll take his. Do you think it stops anyone from buying it? Absolutely. It's NORWAY!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, every single day, I'll like, I'll go home and go, maybe I should stream tonight. And then I just go, I just don't have time. If I did, it'd be for 20 minutes. It wouldn't be worth it for anybody. This guy...


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[Assistant] By the time he like actually got up and thought about it, his feet were frozen solid and then they had to amputate them. And then this guy goes and swims in the water and stuff. Like, I think he spent a fair amount of time being cold in a car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's not like, oh, you could just walk outside and accidentally lose your feet, but I need to know, that's all I can think about now, is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'll go Aperture. Wow. I appreciate the positivity that he's putting out into the world. Geez, okay. That's surprising.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How quickly can it happen? It depends on how you do it. There's print on demand that can do pretty quick, but we don't really like the quality, so we're trying to tend to avoid it. Uhm, if you print a shirt properly, it's like a two to four week process. Alright.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it's a good day. It's a good day for us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're locked into that thing for like two hours now. Not sure what Shrek has to do with Christmas, but.


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[Assistant] Welcome to LA. Yeah. There's billboards for it, it must be successful. You guys seen uh, you guys seen GG Gorgeous yet? Who? Billboards all over the damn place. Oh yeah. No, no, I have not seen that. Well, it must have been successful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to Make Good Bola Dude Soup. Uh, you didn't like last week, so you sent it back, and the restaurant was like, WOAH! We, hey, we, we hear you soup fans loud and clear. We're gonna do everything we can to make it right for you. So here's your soup with no extra charge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, except it still doesn't have half the ingredients. And, uh, all the sides are garbage too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, our video did, uh, yes. But not Battlefront 2. No, yeah, see, it's the analog I'm getting to there. Uh, so, uh, we got our soup expert, James. Hey, James. Hi. We have, uh, are you, would you still consider yourself a Star Wars fan, Bruce? Me? Absolutely, fucking literally, are you kidding? I still read the books and shit, yeah. Just wanna make sure, Star Wars fan, Bruce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This podcast is brought to you by two sponsors, both of which you can see right now, Movement and Tipsy Elves. Uh, Movement's giving you a 15% off discount with free shipping and free returns at Movement.com slash Dutsu. They sell watches. And then Tipsy Elves, uh, they sell all kinds of flamboyant clothing. Uhm, you can get your ugly holiday sweaters right now at, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At, uh, at tipsyelves.com and use our code DUDESUPE to get 20% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright boys, Battlefront Part 2. Battlefront 2, as it were. Part 2? Part 2? Yeaah. It's uh, man, this is a developing story. And uh, audience, lest you roll your eyes at the continued battlefrontage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's a reason that this is kind of becoming a big deal. It's sort of, sort of being seen as a battleground or a battlefield, if you will, on the future of games and how they will monetize. So there's a lot of people that I think are, in this case, pretty justifiably concerned or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm worried about how the situation is going to shake out, because it will sort of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] dictate what companies do in the future and how much money they will try and siphon off of you. So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got some shit going on ever since last week. So, in the middle of last week's podcast, somebody tweeted at us that EA had, uh, reduced, like, slashed all the acquisition costs for all the heroes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess to really, really roll it back, so here's the core of the issue, summarize it real quickly. Battlefront 2 came out. People that got early access, either through EA Access or by buying the $80 version of the game, were shocked to play it and find out that both Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader were locked. So even though you paid for the fucking game, you couldn't play as all the characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was also a ridiculous, a ridiculous task to unlock them, essentially. You had to play for some 40 hours to get the in-game currency to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A community account said like, hey, we're trying to help you guys, and we hear every- it was just like the most boilerplate answer, uh, and, and so full of crap basically. It just got downvoted to oblivion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So EA did the quote unquote right thing, uh, they announced they're removing all monetization. For now. So they've turned off in-game purchases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is via VentureBeat quote earlier today, and this is circa, let me get the date. Uh, yeaah, circa November 16th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Earlier today, Electronics Arts Chief Executive Officer Andrew Whistlin had a phone call with Walt Disney Consumer Products and Interactive Media Chairman Jimmy Pitaro about Star Wars Battlefront 2, according to news sources familiar with the situation. A few hours after that call, players are finding out that they can no longer make in-game purchases with real money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so yeaah. Uh, yeah, he's turned off the ability to throw money at Battlefront, because the audience has been too upset about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the interesting things I saw is that a lot of the, a lot of the press that was kind of elevating out of like Reddit and gamer culture websites and stuff was basically saying, yo, uh, EA is marketing gambling directly to kids. And I don't know if it was the gamer outrage or that headline specifically that caused Disney to hit the panic button, call EA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they did, and uh, they flexed their muscle and EA had to roll back their policy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just gotta play, baby. Which is fine. Sorta, except that the pace that you unlock stuff is still pretty fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, let's see here. Oh yeaah, so this is kind of interesting. LucasArts did put out a statement to the Washington Post.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, Lucasfilm. Oh, they're back! I was so excited. No, I apologize. That's okay. Now, this whole podcast is gonna be a series of your dreams getting crushed. Not you specifically, Adam. Mostly Bruce. Eh, Bruce, basically. I know, I really wanted this game. Go ahead. I was bummed about it too, and I've been putting more time into it too, so I got all kinds of rants banked up about that fucking game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, we'll get into it. So this is uh, Lucasfilm basically said quote, The Lucasfilm spokesman told The Post on Friday.


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[Assistant] That's why we support EA's decision to temporarily remove in-game payments and address- to address fan concerns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's the most non-statement that's ever been stated. I like how they say they support their decision even though somebody got on the phone and was like, you had better fucking fix this!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, now here we are. Uh, the, the internet's won. We did it, Reddit. Uh, we turned off microtransactions, except...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's kinda how the situation is forming after that. So EA's fucked, right? We got em. Uh, sorta.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, EA put out a statement to their investors, saying that the removal of microtransactions, quote, is not expected to have a material impact on EA's fiscal year 2018 financial guidance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, EA's fiscal year 2018 ends March 2018. Uh, it's confusing, but fiscal years are confusing. It's just a bunch of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not gonna get into that. Anyway, they're saying that basically until March, they don't expect that microtransactions or the variance thereof will have any impact on their revenues. They could also just be saying that so investors don't freak out. Right. Uh, EA had before projected that, uh, Battlefront 2 would sell 14 million units.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which is the same amount of units that Battlefront 1 sold. So they're expecting equal performance on the units sold. They're probably expecting more revenue from the microtransaction model, which they just turned off, but we'll come back in some form.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that means one of two things to me, that either they expected long tail microtransactions to give them more revenue, or, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or they knew it was coming, they knew that revenue would be rocky so they didn't depend on any microtransaction revenue in the meantime. They didn't actually factor it into their guidance. So either they're really smart and knew this was gonna be a fuckup and like have plans A, B, and C all ready to go. Uhm, or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't see it coming, but they don't care, cause they didn't figure that people would put a lot of money into microtrans in the first three months anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, their stock has taken a bit of a bump, but it's not as bad, like the company's not done. Uh, it went from like, what is this graph here, it's like 120 to 108. So a pretty sizable drop. So buy stock now. Yeah, actually Bruce, yes, not a bad idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also just, just in the long tail, like EA's stock has gone from like $13 a share in 2013 to $120 now. Wow. It's a similar rise to like Nintendo saw when they put out the Wii. And that's mostly due to the massive amounts of revenue they've been pulling out of digital with Ultimate Team and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] 50% compared with last year's shooter. The box sales figures are also down 61% compared with 2015's Star Wars Battlefront.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you, like me, if you have a journalistic mind...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wouldn't make up the 60% difference. Yeah, it's 50% compared to last year's Banner Shooter, 61% down compared to 2015's Star Wars Battlefront. Oh boy, oh boy. So yeah, it doesn't make up the gap at all. The game, at least in the UK, because that's pretty much all I found numbers for, the game is not selling as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, that's not cool. Uh, so what we're looking at is EA doesn't have a viable microtransaction model for Battlefront 2, and the box game is selling worse than Battlefront 1 did. Which doesn't sound good for them or their revenues going into fiscal 2019.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the sort of thing that actually does start to shake a company a little bit. I'm not saying that they're done with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The terms of the contract were entirely non-disclosed, so we don't know how much money EA paid for it, we don't know what the terms are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty much. And they're invent- they're buying more things you loved as a child by the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, maybe. Well, sort of. So the comparison of unit sales were to the same period. And that was when Force Awakens was coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I got, uhm, I think I've got four levels to go. Uhm, boy, it's, it's not good. It's not good. I'm, I'm sorry if you worked on it and maybe you're hearing this. You probably did your best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But hoo boy, that is not a good campaign. So the first three levels actually started pretty promising, and I'll get into some mild spoilers, but there's nothing worth spoiling. But hey man, if the Battlefront 2 campaign has you salivating, great. I mean, I was excited. I was excited too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, yeaah, they're just called the Empire in the narrative, cause it's the events leading up to and immediately after Return of the Jedi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool, uh, and theoretically could have been great, but it just, it dips so much into safe Star Wars territory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't necessarily fault the game for that, knowing how Lucas tends to operate. I'm sure that there was a stipulation very early on that this game can't really do anything interesting in the Star Wars universe. That stuff is kind of the realm of movies, even the side stories can't do a whole lot, even Rogue One was pretty good. Uh, it's just not like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and it's, it's, they can't also do anything, like, galactically significant. So it has to be this, like, tucked away story that is totally safe and it does, it does the thing that Star Wars games always do where it bounces off of every major character and they almost turn to the screen and, like, give you a thumbs up every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, here's the setup. You play as Aiden Versio, an Empire Special Forces character who is executing the wishes of the Empire. You're like on Endor when the Death Star 2 blows up, which is pretty cool, like these are all cool places to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then shortly thereafter it starts, it takes you away from item versio and starts dropping you into the hero characters. So you play as Luke, you play as Han, you play as Leia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the, the manner in which it does that is so forced, uhm, by a narrative and also crammed with, with references and lines from the films that it's just like bordering on bad fan fiction territory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, so here's the problem. Sort of. Is that even that's not executed with any amount of, of, of grace. Uh, you'll, you play Zidane Versi or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somewhat spoilers, is that post the Emperor's death, apparently he programmed a cyborg to walk around and execute his posthumous will. Oh, right. Which is Operation Cinder. Uh, which from the very sound of it, yes, it's another planet ending weapon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, uh, when Iden Versio perceives this weapon being used on an empire-controlled planet, because the idea is that if we just demonstrate our power, the galaxy will fall in line. Yeah, the exact same plot that's happened in two movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, she suddenly has a change of heart because blowing up a planet full of innocent people wasn't enough, but innocent empire people, that's too much. So then she's like, no, no longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can hear the, you can hear the cardiogram in the background. Sorry, wanted to get that out of the way. No, no, thank you, thank you for going there. It's hard and as brutal as you could. Uh, so yea, single player is kinda disappointing. And then there's co-op.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is not even a thing, man. So there's no online, you have to play split-screen. And then the second player doesn't get to sign in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, for a game that's so neurotically obsessed about progression and crystals and credits and cards,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Second player doesn't get shit. Also, first player, after about five levels, they cap you on the amount of credits you can earn in single player. So they push you into online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I agree. Uh, certainly that thing happens in- in video games culture. But it- I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like also loads of disinformation going around, like the, like Dice was like the one running the account, but they wanted it spoofed or what. That shit got in a weird info where it's territory pretty quick. Which is, man, it's crazy. Once something becomes the focal point of the internet, just the explosion of fake news and like conspiracy theories and everything. It's great, but yea, Bruce, to your point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I do kind of read that in between the lines too, that EA knew this was gonna happen. Absolutely. And didn't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the first mover kind of thing. It's like why, why would we wait for Activision to try something like this and get all the money? When we got the Star Wars brand, people have to come to us for it. Let's push our luck now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is gorgeous. I mean, even Battlefront 1 had that. It is the best looking Star Wars thing that exists. I mean, apart from the movies. Yea, absolutely. It's absurd how pretty it is. But you know what else is pretty? A nice movement watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that one was a bit of whiplash. I love my watch! There you go. Oh, sorry, sorry. So guys, we're coming up on the holidays. Gift-giving can be hard. You know what's easy? A watch. Buy a watch for people. Uhm, like, I have no idea what to get my dad. I'm gonna get him a watch. I mean, he'll probably hate that. Like, he hates everything else. Dad. Oh boy, oh jeez. He might like it, Lawrence. He might, he might.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's a, it's a great gift idea for, uh, for the person who started to buy a gift for. And what says class? Like a nice watch. And you can get a nice discount. 15% off. Free shipping, free return. So even if you buy that watch and somebody doesn't end up liking it, like my dad. Alright, he may like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, uh, you can just send it right back and then say fine. You don't get anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's me, I guess. I guess I'm not. Theoretically. He's like, darn. But there's a variety of styles and options to choose from. They got them all listed on the website. You can even sort by the style you want. The style of watch face and stuff, so it's pretty easy. If you have an idea of someone's style, to find something that matches them pretty quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like I said, that 50% discount, you don't have to tell them about that. That's money in your pocket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, thank you Movement for the sponsorship. Uh, please keep them in mind if you're doing your holiday shopping and can't decide what to get somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A quality timepiece says class. Not only for the recipient, but also the gift to eat. You don't want to be giving somebody a dumb stuffed animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they want to watch. So yea, movement.com, that's mvmt.com slash dudesoup, all in one word, for your 15% off. Thank you movement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeah, there's a, the way this is, I guess where my mind goes now is, okay, what are the possible outcomes? The internet wants, at this point the internet wants EA to lose the license?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, yeah Adam, like you had mentioned earlier, I think that's entirely dependent on a licensing deal that we've never seen. So, uh, I don't know, do you guys think that's feasible or not? Do you think it's viable?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, that's an interesting idea. I'm trying to think, so Rockstar did the Warriors. Trying to think of licensed things they've done. Not much. Yeaah. They seem like the kind of company that would rather just make their own IP. Yeaah, they would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, that already, that was happening. But it got shelved because EA saw Battlefront sell as much as it did. So EA's looking at Battlefront sales numbers on one screen and Uncharted sales numbers on the other. They're going, why would we ever make that with this license when we can throw all of our resources at this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then also get, yeaah, get the extended revenue that we get from stuff like Ultimate Team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Battlefront 2 feels really rushed too. Really? There's, there's like some graphical glitches. The, the like single player campaign just being, just being multiplayer assets sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a co-op challenge, it's like, you're Darth Maul, fight some droids, except you don't have any abilities. And it's just you standing there with these like, droids marching at you, shooting you constantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If somebody play-tested it, they didn't spend very long or didn't have much time to really do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Choke it out! Kill it! So Adam, you, you mentioned, uh, it's, it's, it's, I agree with the, the evaluation that like EA probably paid so much for the Star Wars license that they have no other option. They need, they need Ultimate Team style revenues to justify the money they spent on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there is an analyst, uh, Evan Wingren, who works for KeyBank Capital Markets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He decided that these gamers are just too spoiled. And that Battlefront is good. Uh, yeaah, here we go, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The analyst estimated cost per hour. Yea, this is a $1 one hour thing. Spoil if you're out there. This is everything you've ever believed. He said if a gamer spent $60 for the game, an additional $20 per month for loot box, loot micro transaction boxes, and played around 2.5 hours a day for one year,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comes out to roughly 40 cents per hour of entertainment. This compares to an estimated 60 to 65 cents per hour per- for pay television.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 80 cents per hour for a movie rental, more than 3 dollars per hour for a movie you've watched in the theaters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quote, if you take a step back and look at the data, I'm using that voice on purpose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An hour of video game content is still one of the cheapest forms of entertainment, he wrote. Qualitative analysis shows that video game publishers are actually charging gamers at a relatively inexpensive rate, and should probably raise prices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, what I think, I think the solution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for something like Battlefront, and this fucking, this shit was already around! Mobile games have been like this for years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you pay money, you get the content. If you get it for free, you have to grind the content. Or they- they- they put- prod you into microtransactions. So, let's say theoretically, and I'm curious what you guys think about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say there's a $60 version of the game that's laced out with microtransactions. It's garbage, you don't get anything, you gotta grind unlock everything. Let's say there's a $90 version of the game that has everything. Unlocked. You get every scan, every character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which one would you guys prefer to play and are you even okay with that? Or do you want everything to stay 60? Which already it isn't by the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, uh, this all, the way that people react to this, uh, reminds me a lot of how people react to Hulu. So, like, to even break down the sort of transitions. So you had TV, it sucked, but it was there, and it was free, and it was paid for by ads. You're like, okay, whatever. And then TiVo came along.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can pay money to skip ads. So you're opting into a more premium experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so, so then Hulu comes along and they're like, guess what, you get to pay money and watch ads. And people are like, fuck that! Why would I ever? Like, you, you've already, uh, there's a product on the market that already is a better situation. Now Hulu did come along with, okay, pay like two more dollars a month and be ad free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they already have this perception of like, why would I get fucked by you? Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And pay money to be advertised to when I've already had a better experience. I feel like Battlefront 2...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A game like this, you just pay money for it and you have it. So, the landscape is not so bleak with gaming, but potentially with, like we said, or hinted at last week, with big AAA franchises, maybe those are becoming something weird. So, maybe if you want the pure game experience, you might want to stick in the indie 20 to 30 dollar range.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true, uh, I mean, and it did have, it did have a great campaign, a little short, but still very good, much better than Battlefront's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, please play it. Worth your money. Especially, especially stuff like Battlefront II's monetization gets you, gets you down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, we can offer our readers a different kind of fantasy. A holiday fantasy, with Tipsy Elves fashion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tipsy Elves, man, they sell the coolest stuff on the planet. I got some like polarized wraparound shades that, uh, unfortunately haven't arrived yet. But when they do, you will see me in nothing else for months and months, so get used to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James is, uh, wearing his holiday fashions, uh, a donkey sweater with some, uh, some- Hey kids! It's me, Donkey! There he is! There he is, Donkey himself! Hey Donkey, how you doin'?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam has pants on his chest. It's Adam in the wheelchair today, uh, spreading, spreading wheelchair awareness. But, uh, as, as a result, couldn't put, uh, the pants on his legs, cause he's- Well, these are leases. No, well, yes, he's also- I was gonna say you were Daniel-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, Tipsy Elves, uh, for all of your, all of your fine holiday fashions and then some. They also have like beach wear, they have ski suits, they have, uh, they have like American flag print, uh, uh, formal wear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever you need, they've got it provided you need something loud and abrasive. Uh, and beautiful. Uh, ugly sweater party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the reason I bought this. They even have interactive sweaters. There's a beer pong sweater that has a bunch of, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ladies can look at their holiday leggings, sweater dresses, and cozy adult onesies, all with the best and most millennial patterns. Uhm, so you can get 20% off your Tipsy Elves items by going to tipsyelves.com and using our code DUDESOUP at checkout.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a flat 20% off by using our code, so you should go check it out, man. It's, uh, it's some intense stuff, and if you want to be the life of any Thanksgiving or holiday party, that's a good way to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing announces that the party has arrived like a donkey sweater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once more, that's, uh, tipsyelves.com and then use our code DUDESUPE at checkout for 20% off. Thank you for the sponsorship, tipsyelves. And, uh, so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm learning. I'm getting, I'm episode 149. I'm starting to figure out this podcast game a little bit. Uh, and if there's one thing I know that people love, it's segments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Segments, yes. They said smegma. No, uh, so I found something on the internet and I'm gonna make Bruce read it. Alright, I like this part. Bruce reads. Oh, you have a little header? Yeah, I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is on a, uh, well, I think the context will become apparent. The one thing I want to make clear is, uh, you'll, there is a name there, TWI.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I just wanna make it clear I'm not laughing at, uh. No, no. Yeah, I-I'm too-I'm too weird, man. I'm into my own stuff, so I-I'm no-I'm no man to judge. I just, uh, I wanna... I just said it sounded like the perfect day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess Rooster Teeth has Ruby, and there are definitely dudes who wanna fuck Ruby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all of everyone in RWBY. Yeaah. Yeaah, that does happen. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did sex swing. I've seen those boys in all kinds of compromising positions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, uh, he, he watches the, the bandman. Alright, uh, let's net, net hard. So MarbleLympics still, still, still going?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crank- King. Gold medal. I haven't been on like two weeks. That's great. Yeah, uh, and that's gonna go up against...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I should, uh, maybe a bit of a warning. Uhm, I don't, I don't know what sort of, uh, issues this, this video may trigger, but it is, uh, it's a little intense. I can say that. So, uh, James, I'm gonna have to interrupt your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a game. Yeaah. I knew James would like it, that's why I handed it off. That was a fun game. James had to go harvest dragon meat to win a cooking competition. Alright, so, uh, yeaah, let me pull up the marker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the thing that fascinates me about that is the, the needless attention to certain details. Certain details. Such as the 3DS game being played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's uh, that's from Jurassic World.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. So, who the fuck knows where this came from, or what it's up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, the deliberations have, have happened, uh, you guys, you guys I think have probed every corner of this issue. Much like, uh, Twizelight, er, Tongue can probe every corner of that man's asshole. Yeah, there's a lot of-