[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jason Nash was hiring people for, uh, the Jason Nash show for a full days of work and offering them 50 bucks. Less than minimum wage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Preach, uh, also, so it's a full 12 hour day for 50 bucks. I was like, bro, that ain't even like fucking minimum wage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I totally, I'm sorry Seth, I totally, cause there's been, there's been so much happening, I totally forgot about the Seth thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I haven't watched the newest part of Jeff's documentary, but I'm afraid that it's starting into like a David redemption tour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I guess it's up, it's up to Jeff to forgive him if he wants to. I mean, it's all of, I mean, all of us can still judge David for like being super irresponsible and putting people in danger like perpetually. But like, it's fine. It's Jeff's story and how he wants to forgive David is his own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I choose to be, uh, to be beheaded for no reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's Scotty Sire. He put out this video. And I was like, oh, what? At first I was like, okay, cool. And then at the end he's like, so I wrote a song. And I was like, and I closed it real fast. I was like, no, not a song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well anyway, the thing is he's like a budding, or, I won't say budding, but let's say he's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, that's what I meant to say. Triple platinum established rap star. Here it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not about him, right? It's not about like, be like, I'm sorry to the victim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because he still, he only regrets talking about it. Cause he got so much hate for it, yea, he got the backlash. His regret is only, uh, self concerning. He doesn't care about what happened to Seth, he doesn't believe Seth probably said it. Yea, for sure. You can never, you can never


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Twitch. Let's get those subs in please for Sadboy. It's okay, babe, you're doing great. Wait, Sadboy's my band. Don't associate that with this. Well, he's a sad boy. Okay, you owning Sadboy now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam got banished, that's pretty sad. Fair enough. Abel got murdered, so. Well, that's dead, boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, if you go back, there's been sad boys before you, okay? Peace and love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've listened to some of his other music and I was like, come on buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, you look hungry. Eat this. Sorry, I'm beatled you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does it rhyme? Or is it just goes drug? I've tried before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen baby, at all, anyway, I really made this beautiful song. I think you guys are gonna really like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I like normalizing it, because when I first started taking Lexapro, I was so scared to take the first pill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, I don't know, am I going to be able to still do comedy? Am I going to still do my show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I going to be different or also I felt like I'm weak for taking this. I can't just figure this out on my own. And I was so much stress and anxiety over it. Like I had those pills on my bedside for like six months before I finally had such a bad day where I was like, I need to just take this. And I'll tell you straight up those Lexapro like, um, saved my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate anti, oh, anti Scotty Scotty club, oh my. That's anti, you know anti social social club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, Anti- with Peace and Love, Anti-Social Social Club is my least favorite streetwear brand for the record.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, nice fucking, I've seen this graphic so many times editing, that's like the preset title font.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mommy won't put her stinky fingers in her purse. I hate that bitch. Mom's a fucking bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, you rea- Bro, why you gotta be such a simp for David? Why you gotta open the line with a like, fuckin' dick suck for David Dobrik merch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, can't you just be your own man? Why you gotta sing about David Dobrik? I love how they just turn into scot-shitting on Scotty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait. He lives a good life and pretends it blows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's right, if Moses is there with you, then like, it's okay babe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I was like, I just, I feel, I guess I just was having a little empathy for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're right, you're right. I was just- I was trying to go light on the poor guy, but the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you're right. You know, I didn't even think about it. I made a shirt for Teddy Fresh. It was my design. And it said, it was like a teddy bear smiling in the rain. It said, I have crippling anxiety. And a lot of people got mad and I honestly, all of us saw it. None of us thought about it. So we're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got where they're coming from where it's like glamorizing it, you know? And so we donated all the money to mental health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I was like, hm, I didn't think about that, so I got the point. So we remade it too and changed the words, but we donated all the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I get it. I think I, I heard people saying it like, you know, if you go to hop topic and you see like, oh, depression's cute, kind of like the thing, it's like, not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh for sure, that's, that's what I learned is like, my life went from like so fucked up, like internally and emotionally to once I started getting help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I was so scared and apprehensive and nervous to do at first. The moment I like took that step in, I started getting therapy and taking antidepressants, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A fucking total 180, bro. Professionally, personally, everything in my life just turned around. So like, that's, that's my message to people is like, just getting help is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also they understand like the mental pitfalls that we find ourselves in, like repetitive thinking and like sometimes you're thinking about this but it's about something else and they understand the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So should we keep sitting on Scotty or nah? This one's for Trisha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand his lyric. He says, I pretend that it blows. It sounds like he's faking his depression. Says, I live a good life, but I pretend that it blows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I'm really glad, I'm really glad that he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he wrote a song about his situ- his really rough situation, so shout out to Scotty Sire. Oh, this is a really interesting dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, by the way, she admitted on Whitney Cumsing's podcast that they didn't even ever have sex. Did you see that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well regardless, I posted this photo of us together, being like, yo, this photo was taken 1.5 years ago, blah, blah, blah, Trish is my best friend, yada, yada, yada. And this was during the David scandal, and guess who liked this fucking photo? Liza Koshy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kind of a thing though. I'm not usually one to go through likes and stuff, but I was like, hmm, that is kind of a, that is kind of a, that's kind of a spicy thing, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I met her too. No, but I was just saying it's interesting that she liked this during the David shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm blasting through these really quick. Friend of the show, I'd love to have Liza on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be like, okay, so tell me about your- all about your sex life with David. Did he jerk off? Did you fuck with other guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you hope that if you fucking head up a bunch of underage people that he'll also be there for you, what's going on in your life, Noah? I can't believe these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, there's nothing wrong with it, but no, Beck is 100% gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was another James Charles accuser. Bro, did you see this? This is a fresh James Charles accuser. From his cancellation bed. Watch this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He needs to go move to like, Tanzania or something and just live in a hut in the middle of a jungle. Okay, did you see these tweets by Machine Gun Kelly, bro?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, I wish 13, 14, 15 year old girls weren't allowed to be so hot. So I wouldn't feel so creepy when I look at them. I'm still 19. Bro tweeted that. I was like, bruh? 13, bruh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, another one said, there's a little 13 year old girl next to me going crazy over my transformer tattoo. Don't worry though y'all, I won't pull out R. Kelly. I am a little worried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I got a Facebook message from a 14 year old, now saying, hey, you're sexy as fuck, I tapped that. Brian? You gotta fuckin' chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well to be honest, if you go back to how people were talking, just in general, back like, and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 2010? You're like, holy fuck, people were wild back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, everybody's Keemstar has come through every single one of my old tweets, so it's not like I'm hiding anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, they're right though, like the shit, there's something to be said about like pulling up like 10 year old tweets and judging them against that now, but I would say that I'm much more sensitive and aware of the things I say and I think it's a good, I actually do think it's a good thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I listen to how- I love Howard Stern, but when I listen to old episodes, I was like, this guy- I can't hear this. It's like, way too creepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I don't give a fuck if what her age is. I'm down. Let's go. I'm 23. We're both celebrities. Who cares about the law? Let's go. Pretty wild shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, you went home and watched punk, punk, punk, punch, drunk, love, and you didn't even, you bounced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, what's the deal? You're a fake Adam Sandler fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? I haven't seen in a while. There's a plot, right? What's the plot? I don't think it's just Adam Sandler being like, ah, I'm Adam Sandler. I think it's a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you, so we prefer, so it was up to you, Jack and Jill would be the only kind of film that would be made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, because the queen, I was like, bro, I was like, listen, I love Queen. I know I'm a big fan of Queen. I don't need to go see Rami Malek, who we've decided is an enemy of the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need a biopic about Mark Zuckerberg. I don't need one about Queen. I don't need one about Abraham Lincoln. I don't fucking need nothing about nobody. Just write me a goddamn movie, Jack and Jill. That's all I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen, uh, Beautiful Mind? With Russell Crowe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, he also has schizophrenia. Really? But it's like, it won best picture of the year. It's such a good movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's really inspiring, actually, for someone who has schizophrenia and the ending is very inspiring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a beautiful mine. Seriously, ugh, so good. I love that. Okay, let's play some trivia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Feel like that might be a trick question, but I'm just gonna write what I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Rushmore. That's like, a small, hillside.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the oxygen, the oxygen gets all thin. We would just, well, it'd be interesting to see how high we get. We probably would make it like one thousandth up and be like, we have to return.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's fun. I mean, like, it'd be a fun episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's such a douche. He's so unfunny and such a douche. And his show, he has this Netflix show that is like the worst thing ever. It's like Curb Your Enthusiasm but not funny at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, if it's, if it's Adam Sandler trivia, I think 50% chance that the answer is Rob Schneider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His grandfather was an American army private, Rob Schneiderlich. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you imagine Rob Schneider Beetlejuice? That would be like a zero percent on Rotten Tomato. Go ahead, Dan. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, Adam Sandler. God, dude, he's made so many movies. Terry Crews, I know who that is. I don't know who the other guy is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. No, it's not. Wait, that's what the guy, the king of queens guy, what movie was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 0%? Can you read a review? Read the synopsis of Rotten Tomato.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Must avoid viewing for movie crit- for film lovers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, his films are so bad. With Peace and Love, you know, I love the guy, his movies suck. Peace and Love. He's very successful though. Super, super successful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did not write the wedding singer, he just acted in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know this one. It's called, uh, I know this one, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know this one. I think it's Mount Fuji.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's okay, we have time. I want you to win. It's your birthday. Do what you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's an ad, that was an ad. I bet you they paid him to be in that. That's the thing he always does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to click that Adam Sandler TV off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we order pizza since there's already so much cake it's like fuck it. It is my birthday. Do you want?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, we always have this problem where we can't order it. We need to send someone to get it. Then that kills the joy every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, I can't afford to keep this up. I'm telling you right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well, I'll tell you right now. Not as bougie as you think, apparently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it made of? Fucking the pubes of, uh, angel- angels?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they might be, they don't kill them if they just pull up the feathers. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wool is great, I mean, the sheep, it's a, it's a beautiful relation of the sheep. They're hot, you cut their hair, you use the wool, I mean, God bless the sheep, you know what I'm saying? We love the sheep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say the best poison is sweet. You know, sweet going down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's oak. It's an oak tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a weird question, I don't know why he said that. No, I know it's an oak tree. It's oak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Eitan in Hebrew means like, uh, oak tree, doesn't it? Or strong tree or something? Eitan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, baby, she's our cousins. I don't know something really crazy and offensive. It's Adam Sandler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you'll be the character that like, is super embarrassing, and was always pooping in the bathroom, and then they go, oh, who farted? Literally, that's a joke in Jack and Jill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I can't get over it. Okay, go ahead. Begging Dan, please.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yellowstone's most famous glacier. No, geyser. Geyser. I don't even know what that is. Geyser. I have no idea. Geyser shoots the like hot water out. You of all people should know what geyser is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, is it really Beard and Spirits? Oh, I just guessed, I was like, hmm, who would do that? Okay, I was right. Well, do you get-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, when you like visualize something, keep visualizing. Manifesting. Yeah, start manifesting your winning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is correct. Oh, that's what it's called? Bruh, I'm like, I've like blacked out that. Described by Wikipedia as one of the worst films ever made. What's that Rotten Tomato? Uh, let's take a look. Gotta look. Such an illustrious history as a filmmaker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a 20%. So like, this is one of the things where it's like, how does Adam keep making these moves? I guess people just really like them. People watch them. Yeah. He makes money. It's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they'll be like, okay, let me call her. And then you come out and you're like, oh, hey, Ethan, look, we're really busy. Uh, Adam's kind of just wanting a little quiet on set. I'll be like, okay, Trisha, I get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, you need to bond with Adam, become his, befriend him so you're in every movie ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird, she looks Jewish. She converted her looks. She's like, maybe I look Jewish, uh, Rabbi. He's like, a little of this, a little of that. We're gonna give you plastic surgery to increase the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not, you're not helping me, you're treating me like a child. You're demeaning, you're being demeaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like the plot was so stupid, like how all- like he goes on this big journey, and then all of a sudden he finds like these three relics at the very end of the book. It's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Harry Potter died, he's actually, he's, uh, essayed by Voldemort. It's really violent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Harry has uh, Voldemort's baby. Through black eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love to draw Zepes Voldemort, that'd be really fun. Sounds intense, but I think I'd-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's too late to take it back. You wanna be, do you wanna be goblers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the mit, the, uh, so far, or, yeaah, the Sephardic, or, well, Moses isn't that hairy either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, you know that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a little necky. Everything's a little necky. I don't know!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is Frankenstein, that's correct. You made a Frankenstein movie? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. We're tied again. I knew this would happen. Woo! Lil Nicky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we get a hat, one where the answer is happy or one where the answer is Jack and Jill? Let's just go! I'm really good at Jack and Jill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I know the mother laughing answer. I know the answer. Well, we've talked about it pretty much every Adam Sandler movie at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jack and Jill! It is Jack and Jill! I knew it! I knew it was Jack and Jill! That movie is dog shit!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then when I thought about actually sitting down for four hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I've been up since like, you know, 9 o'clock. It's like, yea, it's a good point. But some days I do feel like we could go on forever and ever. Like recently we've been like, oh we gotta stop because we're out of time. And I thought, you know, maybe it would be fun to shoot like an extra episode, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, just like, no bullshitting, no goofing around, no complaining, just boom boom boom boom boom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, people say it's one of the best films. Like, if you go to IMDB movies, it's always like number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ready? Upside down. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the smell of Rob Schneider's shit in, uh, the worst film ever made by Roger Ebert?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright guys, we have to get out of here quick because we are running high on the time, you guys know what it is. And before people complaining that we're ruining the show by cutting off, hey, I didn't make the rules. Bye! Love you guys! Dan!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I put my hand behind his back and start rubbing his back and squeezing his knee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, it was fun, it was just, it was just me, Hila, and grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fun though. Theodore had a lot of fun. That's the first time we've gone out with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get, let's talk. Uhm, I saw you made a TikTok saying I was your best friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what the fuck? Why would you even consider Bobby Lee? It's like, you have, like, are you kidding me? Like, oh, that's like a tough question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You promote whatever the f- I tell you, hey, you got the floor. You promote whatever you want, girl, and I'll be your biggest cheerleader.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, it's Ramadan. AB and Lina, two of our employees, are celebrating. Seems brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't either, honestly, but they're doing the Ramadan, so. I see it on his TikTok. God bless them, you know? Good with, with, uh, they're good with God. What can I say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same God, actually. The Jews, the Christians, and the Muslims, it's the same God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just telling you like historically, like bivically or whatever, it's all the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I tell you something interesting? Mohammed, if I'm not mistaken, and I am mistaken about many things, so, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this, and Dan, you can fact-track me. Mohammed is the most popular name in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do or you, wait, you gotta go with the Jewish name or now you're going with the Arab name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So name him like, like, uh, Itzhak Mohammed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just take everything. Itzhak, Mohammed, forget about it with an Italian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, what the fuck do I know? You bringing up all this crazy shit, I'm not prepared to talk about Chinese things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's uhm, one of these Jewish holidays you're supposed to fast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I always thought it was just food because my, my family's just, I'm gonna take these off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not like major parts, just like little cameo stupid crap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so real fast, I'm gonna blast through these. Teddy Fresh, new collection, and Reece Dawks. This Thursday, what's this Thursday? Uh, the 20-somethingth. What is this Thursday?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tuesday, Wednesday, that's- Oh, you're right, oh my god, it's Thursday, you guys did the math.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, the beanies, we love the beanies. This guy loves it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We try really hard to find interesting models. He's hard. He looks good though. He's rocking it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you, uhm, can you write to Hila to reserve, you want, there's black and like, uh, pink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tiger blood, we got the x-ray teddy bear, we got this shirt that I was wearing the other day, it's really nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This hoodie is my favorite ever. It's a restock. A new camp shirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there's more, sorry. Uh, we're almost done here. This is my favorite hoodie we've ever made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the baby one who famously wore that one's being restocked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beanie shirts, this is a shirt I made. It says, it says sleep, work, or sorry, it says sleep, eat, work, die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we just, you have to just make sure to pay them, or even if you don't use it, you have to pay them. So anyway...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that's how Teddy Fresh this Thursday and follow us on Teddy Fresh on Instagram to know when it's dropping. Thank you. Tricia, how is your weekend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We probably get more views than Ryan and Kellen. Ryan and Kellen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ryan and Kellan. I don't know, what is their viewership, Dan? Who cares about Ryan Seacrest? He's like so boring. I literally can't stand him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my brother, or my sister, my dad were like obsessed with him, which is weird, and they always go, Sechrist, out! Like they loved that, and I was like, ehh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's not like deep crazy trauma, it's just like, uh, my dad wasn't, my dad didn't play catch with me kind of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it came out, it's just now that everyone's revising history like, oh, that movie was fucked up. Everybody knew that movie was a banger when it came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I was young. I thought it was so funny. You know, that was during Jack Black's like height. I don't know why people are just getting on the Jack Black train. I find that so bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, let me keep track. You look like Samuel Jackson. You look like Jack Black. Who else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So am I not, okay. So can I not acknowledge, like, anybody's physical attributes anymore?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, here's an example, like I was talking about Joe Rogan on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In response to the whole thing between you and him, it was you responding to his clip, and I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was saying how I can't be too critical on Joe because I said worse things about you when I first met you, right? And I was talking about how I've evolved so much since then, and I would never say that stuff about you now. But then, people were like, well you body shamed Joe Rogan in that same clip. So I was like, hmm, that made me think like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is interesting. Should I, do I need to stop commenting on men's physical appearance too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I mean, so my point is that Joe Rogan is, like, objectively hilarious looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like pull it, like that picture of him. No, I wouldn't say he's unattractive, I wouldn't say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's jacked, he's probably got a, he's probably got a cock like a beer can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jill Rogan's got a little one. You heard it here from Trisha Paytas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think there was something, I was just trying to be funny, but it was, it was at times insensitive. Cause my, my whole shtick, my mistake was not knowing you before I made that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are very upfront about like, how you look without makeup and the filters and all that. So that's where I made the mistake. Whereas I was like, oh, these people are putting on this false perception of, of beauty and their harmful to society. People like the Kardashians. And so that's why I was like, I feel justified in making fun of their parents a little bit. Like the, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel so, I think you're right, but I also, and I have to acknowledge a little bit of, of, of, I don't know if, it's not misogyny, but there's something like, uh, where I feel like it's okay to make fun of Joe's appearance, but not yours. There's something there for sure. Dan, what do you make of that? What's your insight?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? You didn't follow him to Spotify? No. No, that's how he disappeared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, do you know who she is and Jamie was like, I hate that I do. I was like, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, he basically just said, oh, I'd pass on that, and then you made an 8 minute video, and I was like, let's fucking go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think you would be able to compete in such a contest? Sure!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was kind of, I was kind of surprised that she was just watching it for content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I figured it's just dudes jerking off, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was gonna say, I think there might be a chance that you might actually may be able to get him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's very family friendly, like his whole, so maybe uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, should we do the ad reads? Yeah, before we start. Okay, we'll be right back. Okay, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you to Quip for sponsoring us two hooligans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so let me explain. It's a vibrating tube. No, it's a vibrating toothbrush. No, it's the greatest freaking invention that's come around in the last 20 years. It's a vibrating toothbrush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a vibrating toothbrush with this powerful battery. It doesn't need to be recharged all the time. It's like you get a comparable vibrating toothbrush costs like a bajillion dollars from all these main, all these lame-o brands. Quip gives it to you at an affordable price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They start off, what are they, they start off really like on a low end. Uhm, the price is really good. They've got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It tells you, so it times it. You turn on the timer and then every 30 seconds it vibrates so you know to switch quadrants. Boom, boom, boom, boom, two minutes, total brush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the deal, we got a special thing going on here with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well let me tell you about first of the thing. You can earn rewards just by brushing your teeth with the Frenemies themed electric toothbrushes. We are competing also to raise money on charity as Trisha said. The Qwip Smart electric toothbrush rewards you for good brushing habits. All you have to do is pair it with your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it automatically delivers brush heads to your door every three months for just five dollars with free shipping worldwide. So you can stay fresh, clean, yabah, you gotta love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can get $10 on your quip electric toothbrush set with code peaceandlove at getquip.com. Plus, okay, here's the deal. We're competing to raise money for charity for everyone that buys Trisha's All Pink


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $10 will be donated to Trisha's nonprofit choice, the National Center for Transgender Equality. And not to be shown up by Trisha, I will be donating $10 for everyone that gets black, which is obviously superior color, there's just so much versatility with black. Have you ever owned a black toothbrush? No, it's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so for every, for every purchase of the Ethan toothbrush, $10 will be going to the Trevor Project, which also goes to help LGBTQ community. We love it. Who do you think will raise the most money? Tricia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So go to g-e-t-q-u-i-p dot com and use code peaceandlove to get ten dollars off the all pink and or all black smart brush and quip will donate ten dollars for each purchase. That's really quite awesome of them, I have to say. That's getquip.com with code peaceandlove with peaceandlove, peaceandlove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me undies is changing the game of underwear. Let's face it, the undies you're wearing right now, probably 10 years old, probably fraying, probably has holes in it, and you bought it from like Macy's or some place like that, and all the underwear is the same. There's no elevated underwear. That's where me undies comes in. They got the softest fabric in the game. This is breathable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flexible, lovable, this is the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Game baby, it's made from some like ins- some like space age technology called micro modal. It's like some crazy ass, uh, fabric, but it feels soft and nice, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, 4XL. Uhm, I'm reaching the upper end of that, so we might need more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could try it. So anyway, that's why meandies is not only sustainable, breathable, and soft as heck, but they give you all kinds of styles to choose from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me Undies offers the classic colors to ridiculous prints. It's all so you can fully express yourself in your own unique way. They're also available in XS to 4XL for the big boys and girls out there in the crowd. We love, we love the fatties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and also if you don't have a gender, you still will fit in the 4XL.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you guys wanna offer? Here it comes. Mandias has a great offer for our listeners. For any first time purchase, you get 15% off and free shipping. Here's the deal though. Problem Free Philosophy says if you're not satisfied with any product for any reason, you'll get a refund or an exchange. No questions asked. Wow. No caveats. Give me that used underwear. Let me sniff it once and then I'll incinerate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to paying off debt, it can often feel like an uphill battle. High interest rates resulting in a minimum monthly payment keeps you in an endless cycle of debt!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan online. Whether it's paying off credit card debt, consolidating high interest debt, or funding personal expenses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over half a million people have already used Upstart to get a simple, fixed monthly payment. Unlike other lenders, Upstart looks at more than just your credit score, like your income, employment history, and how attractive you are. I'm just kidding, I added that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a 5 minute online rate check, you can see your rate upfront for loans between $1,000 and $50,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you get it super fast. So here's a call to action. Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payment today by going to upstart.com slash frenemies. That's upstart.com slash frenemies. And don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Loan amount will be, oh this is the one we read really fast last time. Loan amount will be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let everybody know the arm is, can you, do you have the before arm? I wanna see the before arm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, you wanna talk about the wrestling? Everyone got mad at you for the wrestling thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think people were just upset because you- because I said I wasn't comfortable and then you kept pushing. And so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, by the way, this, I wanna show this. This was another recent one of your thumbnails. Epic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so good. You had another thumbnail like this, when you were like, James Charles is a dangerous predator, and it looked like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I'm happy with my life and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I talk about this all the time. It's so, I'm so over it because I just talk about it. I feel like people are just annoyed with me complaining about it all the time. Yeah, I don't want to be fat, but I love eating. Do you understand what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what to tell you, I'm not here to, I'm not, I'm not in a hip, hypnotic state, I'm not doing psychotherapy, I just know that I don't want to wrestle you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I get it, there was a trigger there, I didn't understand, I understood by the end, and I think people, it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here, this is what I was gonna say, is uhm, we can wrestle on days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have a problem wrestling a girl, I just don't want to touch your body. Too much physical contact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is this? Someone famous? Who is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why it's so funny, like when this guy Sam Tripoli, just in our last episode we recorded, he wanted to fight me because I said I'm pro-vaccine passport. I was like, bro, what makes you think I want to fight you, you dumb fucking piece of shit? Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, he goes, I'll fight you bro, because you believe that people should have vaccine passports. I was like, uh, bruh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time we get pizza, a curse happens. Like, listen, either we get in a huge fight when Moses came in,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, now the most recent time we lost all the footage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that's crazy. Every time we've got pizza, it's been a terrible tragedy as followed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a JPEG of you eating spaghetti. It's totally worth half quarter million bucks. Has anyone bought it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think Trisha's to Ethereum will be sitting there forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I've got, I've got a few topics here. I've got Addison Rae. Says she's Britney Spears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he taught- he sh- look at his thumbnail, he did like the most clickbait thumbnail ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did. Yeaah, he showed the video, I mean, oh, I think he changed the thumbnail, cause it was even worse before. Really? It was like, David being like, uuuhhh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this video kinda funny though? Cause it's like, look how fucked up I am, but at the same time, look how bomb I look shirtless. It's like, pick one way or other dude. Why you gotta flex on me shirtless?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Charles finally got dropped by Morph, finally, and then James put out a statement threatening to sue people. Awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, exactly. Okay, so let's talk, let's talk about the stuff, actually, cause I'm afraid we're gonna run out of time. Let's talk about the stuff I'm most interested in here. Dirty Dom from the vlog squad, he posted an apology, which is again, just about as bad as James is, right? He says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything that occurred during the night in question was completely consensual, as far as I'm concerned. I don't know about, you know, hey, as far as I'm concerned, I didn't have any trouble. I love that. As far as I was concerned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how he says, as far as I'm concerned. That just cracks me up. Hey, as far as I, hey, as far as I care, it was consensual. I nodded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything that occurred that night, ba ba ba, I believe the statements that have come out against me are entirely misleading and shed an incorrect light on my involvement. Shut up dude, we all fucking see you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This isn't even like an isolated, you're like a gnome creep bro, just stop. My character is being unfairly attacked, shut up. And the statement that exists in the public eye are unfairly defaming and assaulting my character and reputation, shut up. Your reputation is dirt with reputation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With that being said, if possible I want to shed light, a positive light on events, nope, and have transpired and show the world who I truly am. Too late, we already know. I recently donated my time as well, thousands of dollars to several women's rights groups to show my support for the unjustified and unnecessary struggles that women endure in our society on a daily basis. Bro, stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is time for us all to demonstrate more respect for one another in every fact of life, facet of life. You know, it's funny because he already got exposed once for Grope and Girl VidCon years ago, and he made a whole video saying, oh, I'm gonna change, I'm not gonna do this anymore. And here we are again, bro. Like, dude, you clearly have not changed. Shut the fuck up. Just go away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's why. Cause they haven't pressed charges. Do you like my hat up like that? Little angle to it.


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[Assistant] Who's green face? Who's green Trisha, I dare you to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't adopt from North Korea because the government is fucking- But I thought that was our safety-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll tell you what, David's gonna be in trouble after this Jeff documentary comes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I actually talked, I talked this over with Dan. The problem is, Jeff doesn't need, I'm gonna, we'll talk about this, but the problem is, is that he needed a special license and supervision to operate that excavator and that, I don't think Jeff needs to press charges against him for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the state or, right, it's a crime against the state. I doubt that will happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's, that's their MO. They cut people out when something goes sideways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Life changing injury. It's a life changing injury. So, so what happened was that they went out to this lake to film this video for David's vlogs. And there's this thing where you get an excavator and you like wakeboard and you hold on to the claw. Well they, so when I saw the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, thank you for the correction. So uhm,


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[Assistant] So what happened was, uh, I saw the video actually, not like the close-up, cause I heard there was a close-up video that's really gory and like, scary, cause they thought he was gonna die. But I saw, there was people on the beach filming it, so I saw it from far away. But what happened is, he's spinning around,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] David starts spinning him around really fast and then suddenly stops it and he slams into the arm of the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of the excavator, and then falls into the water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the thing is, no helmet by the way. No helmet, yeaah, exactly. So when I first heard of how his injury actually happened, which was this, like David doing this excavator gag for a video,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, man, who, the big question for my mind is who was driving it, because one


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need a special license to operate an excavator. That is a dangerous machine and you need to be properly trained to operate that. That is not a joke. You can get seriously injured and you can't just fuck around on a machine like that. I mean, this is serious. This is a serious machine. It's extremely dangerous. And so when I found out that it was actually David driving,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that put everything over the line for me, where I was like, this is so, he is so irresponsible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he is not safe to be around. He is so brutally irresponsible to put his friends, and even himself, in that position. Uhm, I was blown away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think he is respon- if it was for a video for him, he has a responsibility to ensure everybody's safety and to make sure that there's someone who knows how to operate that machine and that there's a medic there and all this stuff and that the people have helmets on and stuff. But the fact that he didn't have any of that and that it was him operating the vehicle makes me really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like wow, just shocks me that he did this life changing injury to Jeff and then he ghosted him according to what you said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's, that's, that's psychotic. The guy, I would think that David would feel totally responsible to pay for his medical bills and probably even to give him a settlement because he's fucked his whole life up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if he's paying for his bills, then I do think that means that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's horrid. It's absolutely fucking horrid. And by the way, in retrospect, how there was like this big hush hush, nobody talked about it, nobody knows what happened. And David and all of his friends were there and they all knew what happened and everybody's just like hush hush hush, protect David.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now after watching the first part of Jeff's documentary, I did get this insight into what kind of guy he is and like he has like a criminal history and he comes from a hard neighborhood and so the whole


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but he was doing- he got arrested, he had like a ton of cocaine and ecstasy and weed and stuff. He was gonna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's not a violent criminal, but he was a big time, he was a big time dealer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was supposed to do 15 years in jail, but they didn't have a search warrant, so it got thrown out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyway, I understand from his background that he like, he's kind of just like, I'm gonna handle my own shit, I'm not gonna snitch on my friend, all this kind of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever stuff, like I get that. But at the same time, David, the fact that he just went on like nothing is beyond fucking insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was seriously injured. I think he almost died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like in the video you can see his skull was cracked, like his whole skull was cracked. All the way down his forehead, his eye came out apparently. They had to sew his eyelid on. It looked really, uhm, really bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Maybe we should have him back on after his documentary's done. To do a little wrap up interview, would that be nice? Do we like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? I saw the video, he didn't do anything. David was spinning it. It was all David's fault, from what I could tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. I don't think it's embarrassing for him. I think he was there trying to make content for his friend, and his friend, I don't think David didn't do it on purpose, but he doesn't know how to operate this machine. That's the problem. He doesn't have the license, I think. He might have it, but I fucking doubt it. I'm just saying that to cover my ass here, but like, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking insane because he's big enough. You have this team apparently, you know what I mean? Like, have someone with a fucking brain around who can-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's the difference between Jackass and David's vlogs is that you have people behind Jackass that are actually responsible adults.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think this just solidifies what we've been saying is that he is a deeply irresponsible person that endangers the people around him to make content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And move on and to cut from your life. Dom cut, obviously that makes sense. But the fact that he just dropped Jeff to me is soul wrenchingly aw- fucking horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw a lot of people by the way saying that David didn't know about uhm, I saw this on TikTok because apparently they don't watch frenemies, fucking losers. But people keep saying-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People were saying that they didn't know- David didn't know what Dom did and that's actually provably false because David removed the video after Dom got the text which means that Dom showed David the text or at least explained why he needed to remove that video proving David knew about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, when he's like, yeaah, I grew up to girlfic on, he's like, ayy. He's, what's his classic line? He says, being a, being an idiot is easy, but taking credibility is hard. Good job buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you know what's even crazier, because you mentioned on the show that the accident happened like this, and then on the David Dobrik subreddit, because they did such an unprecedented job of scrubbing this video off the internet somehow, that people were like, this video doesn't exist and Trisha's lying. People were accusing you of lying and making up all of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How, like the fact that they underwent this like, how do you erase a video off the internet? Like that just doesn't happen. There's people on the server being like, I can't find the internet, the footage just doesn't exist. Like how do you do that? I mean, they were making this unbelievable effort to scrub the internet of this video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To just fucking brush over the fact that you gave your friend life-injuring, life-changing injuries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I watched it. I'm gonna watch it all. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so funny. So that's the Jeff documentary that the, oh, there was another thing. Just Jason apparently was cheating on you. I don't know if you care about this, but according to this TikTok person,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you guys got in a fight over, over not being able to access his phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good. I mean, I- you have to give that up. At some point. The possessiveness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Not a cheater, just a creep. Super creep! And an essayist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just the paint in the back is rubbing with the jacket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I'm agnostic, I really have no opinion about any of that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I have no, I really have no strong opinion about, uh, if there's a God or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, well that's, I mean, that's what the right-wingers do. They do, but that's what they love. They love God, they love Jesus, and they love, uh, and they hate immigrants. I don't know what's their platform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's absolutely fucking absurd that, that how immigrants are, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't need to get political, but how they're like demonized in this country, it's a fucking joke. Immigrants have and will always be, uh, a positive, net positive for this country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, yeah, it's a good trade-off. Those guys know, they're like, listen, I'm gonna get to- I'm gonna get to be- spend time with you for a few years and you're gonna leave me, I get that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 90 Day Fiance is such a crazy show, man. This season was wild. And you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's usually the guys bringing over like hot young Ukrainian girls, but there's actually a lot of older ladies recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and the older ladies that look for like the young trophy husbands are the weirdest ones by far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so there's this one girl who's like middle-aged white lady. From Michigan. So, she's like in love with this, uh, Jamaican guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait, you were gonna go to m- you weren't wanted to be a br- a mail order bride or get a mail order bride?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Israelis are, don't ever hire Israelis for, for manual labor. I swear to God, bro, they're the worst. They're the worst. And I'm saying that with peace and love because they come over here, the Israelis, they hustle in Israel. They know what it is to hustle and live like a hard life. So they come here and they see all the, cause Americans are like trusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wouldn't recommend going to most middle eastern countries. I wouldn't go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't go to any Middle Eastern country, like, just because I don't, well, as a Jew and as a dual Israeli citizen, first of all I'm not even allowed in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was easy for me. Cause they just hand it out if you're Jewish. It's pretty crazy. Really? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you guys gonna do like the fast lane conversion? Is he gonna do like a, like a VIP conversion?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You seen the Seinfeld, you seen the Seinfeld episode where his dentist converts to Judaism and the next day he's making all these Jew jokes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, hey! He converts and one day later he's like, hey, come on, you know us Jews, you know how it is. And he's like, is Chichi making that joke too so soon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You convert, I will, I will include you in the proverbial week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Charles, huge news on the James Charles front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Justice is coming for James, not in the sense of going to prison, but- Not yet. Okay, so here's one really- What was that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Confirmed. Cause we went, well, it was reported, and then we went to his channel, we were clicking around and there's no ads on any of his videos. I mean, try to check that, Dan, see if, see if you get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We checked it and there was no ads. Although weirdly there's been no statement from YouTube or James, but I do know that they, they do this when people get in the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And to shit. And I don't think there's any better reason to demonetize someone's channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, not only did YouTube, uh, apparently demonetize his old channel, his entire channel,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but Morph finally put out his frame here. Morphy! Morphy, fuck you Morphy, you're Morph to me babe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parent, didn't he monetize his apology video people were saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a huge blow. I wonder if it's a temporary suspension or a permanent one. Yeah, don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you even justify, like, yes you did, uhm, reach out to like 17 young boys, 10 of them minors, but you could get monetization back in two weeks. It's like, I'm sorry, what? I don't know what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said, in light of the recent allegations against James Charles, Morphe and James have agreed to end- Why you agreed? What do you need his permission for, fuckface? Why you trying to save face for James?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We together have mutually agreed and respect and admiration for each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have agreed to end our business relationship and wind down sales for the Morphe X James Charles product. They're winding it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has and has always been Warfy's goal to create a positive, safe, and empowering s-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're disgusted by the allegations. We're outraged. No, they say, in mutual respect and loving adoration, we have, we have decided amongst ourselves to part ways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that, that was a, honestly it wasn't even like, they, I can't get over it, they say, we have mutually, we have agreed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there, there's obviously some tenderness between them. Now James put out, again, also they issued their statements at the exact same time, which means they were coordinating, which is weird, okay. They both put them out on Twitter at the same time. So James put out a statement. This really fucked my tits. Can I say that? This really fucked my tits off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, we're family friendly. SOMEBODY SPIT MY ASSHOLE AND FUCK ME! It's the mask! It's not me, it's the mask! Not cute? Give me something cute to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on, that sounds more perverse than anything I just said. Hold on, sugar daddy. Somebody's got a sweet tooth tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look how dark my face looks. I need like, I need like lots of light.


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[Assistant] He will 100,000 billion percent be on as well as Brian Mays and any surviving member of Queen will be here.


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[Assistant] Adam Lambert's not coming to your wedding for 50,000. No fucking way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, why don't you just get look-alex instead of the real celebs? That'd be awesome. That'd be fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the check, give me your address. Well, what do I, I feel like, you know, I feel like you bring me up a lot, like I helped you a lot, so if you want to give me your money, I'm open to taking it too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my most recent video, I spoke about and took account- accountability for my part in conversations I had with a few individuals who told me they were over the age of 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let me rephrase, let me rephrase that. I took, uh, respon- I pars- Nah, he took a- I took accountability, short of turning myself into the authorities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With individuals who are under the age of 18. Right? Let's just rephrase that. Instead of trying to pass the blame back onto them. And off of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Individuals told me they were over the age of 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that came out after this video. That was like one of the torrents of accusation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I said in that video, I can't show change overnight, but I will, uh, over time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since posting that video, many other people have come forward with a series of misleading stories and false allegations which have been reported on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this, as this has gone on too far. Okay, you fucking piece of dog shit. You really gonna come out here and start threatening, like, victims coming forward? Let's say, there was one that the dude admitted to faking. So James, tell me, how many of them are real and how many of them are fake? You're telling me that all 17, or like all,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's like 12 miners, uh, don't quote me on that, but it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 12. So you're telling me the 10 additional people that came out against you, the miners, they're all fake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Except for the two you meted to, all the ten that came out with receipts are all fake. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how he goes, this is all gone on too far. Bitch, don't you think you flirting with minors was you going too far?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, he would do terrible things to that poor person over here for the visa. He would like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I just can't get over that line. My legal team has begun taking action against- By the way, nobody has a legal team. What the fuck does that mean, dude? Shit. People always try to act all tough. My legal team? What, do you have like five lawyers just on standby all the time? Nobody has a legal team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Charles' legal team is like his uncle that passed the bar a few years ago but doesn't practice regularly. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My legal team has begun taking action against those that have spread misinformation and created completely fake stories as this has gone on too far. So what he's doing is there's probably maybe one or two that are like fake or exaggerated and so he's doing like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's this fallacy called, Dan? It's not- Is this a straw man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if it's a straw man, but he's definitely like, it's like a red herring or something. He's basically being like, these two lied. This is out of control and I'm taking legal action. No comment on the other eight that are true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also intimidating people that would come forward later. He's basically saying, hey, if you want to come forward, I have my uncle who passed the bar seven years ago and hasn't practiced that might send you a legal letter. Probably not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And mutual adoration and a heavy heart, we say goodbye to the prince and our dearest friend and our best client. We love you forever, James.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone out there who got makeup, hit us up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, uh, we're working with this company, I'm trying to get it so we can do a Tesla giveaway, slash sponsorship, and then give money to like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We already raised a lot of money for the sexual violence thing. What's that at?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, what is it at Dan, I haven't checked it. Last year it was at 50k about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, I thought that would be, uh, poetic to give away Tesla. Just shy of 50k. Yeah, we love that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda dope, but at the same time it's kinda hard to ride, but it's dope too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apolo- a blanket apology, a blank check, apologies, you can c- sign that and cash it for whatever you want. Anyone listening? Apologies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would expect that you would grow the fuck up a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was pretty much, I mean I, I was definitely a late mature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I feel like I wasn't fully matured until honestly like the last two years to be totally honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking back on myself, I was, I was just painfully immature for the majority of my life, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, less controversial, but I still, I mean, I'm 34 now, so uhm, I don't know, I was still doing dumb shit in my 30s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I feel like in the past couple years I've matured a lot, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean yea, well there was a big difference back in the day in our early podcast days. That shit was a nightmare, kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love him. Wasn't that great? That was one of my favorite episodes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, we might be able to, cause apparently his son is a fan, that's how we hooked that whole thing up. His son is really cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember, we have to keep it at two hours for YouTube. This is with peace and love. We would talk forever if we could, but we have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we can hang out afterwards. People go, I wanna watch. When I go afterwards, I go, let's go upstairs and hang out in the backyard. People go, I wanna watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we just sit there and we kind of just sit there quietly. It's dead air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so he says, these stories have caused many of my long-term partners to receive considerable negative feedback as they should dumb fucking piece of dog shit fuckface pony lover. I mean he's such an idiot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of them being Morphe. Yeah, dumb. I've loved every moment working together. I love how it goes from threatening his v- his victims to being like, I love Morphe, I've loved working with them, I'm beyond grateful for what we've created together. That said, I reached out to them, it was me, by the way, it was me that wanted to sever ties, not Morphe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, every contracts has clause for if you fucking essay a child. They all have like, um, uh, clauses for like mis, uh, misconduct, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is my only project with them. I am continuing to make time to learn, grow and listen. Except, unless you're accusing me, then I'm sending a legal team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm looking forward to coming back one day in the future with a better version of myself. Please don't ever come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you watch the Jake Paul boxing match? Or do you want to talk? We don't have that much time. So we have Demi Lovato and we have, uhm, Addison Rae.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well he just knocked out this dude in like 10 seconds, it was really lame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we all got struggles, lady. So, uh, Dem- Demi Lovato? Lovato? Lovato! She said, I'm finding it extremely hard. This is some Karen ass shit, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find it extremely hard to order from Froyo from this place when you have to walk past tons of sugar free cookies and other diet foods before you get to the counter. Do better. What does she, what does she mad about? Diet culture vultures? What does she mad about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, what is wrong with you? Well the problem is that she tagged them like, do better please? I don't even know what the fuck you're on about. But now all of her flackies went and dislike-bombed this poor restaurant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there's more. She says, so I think I'm gonna have to make the hashtag a thing. Oh no, Karen. Karen Lovato.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will be calling harmful messages from br- Do you know what diabetes is? You dumbass. There are more people in the world than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she says, blah blah blah, wah wah wah wah wah, diet coke is fucking making me hungry. Sorry, that was mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not just that, your service was terrible, so rude, the whole experience was triggering and awful.


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[Assistant] You can carry things for other people while also caring for other percentage of your customers who struggle daily just to even step foot in your store. Look, if you got an issue, don't go in a candy store. What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can even, you can find a way to provide an inviting environment for all people with different needs, including eating disorders, one of the deadly-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, diabetes don't exist for her. One of the deadliest mental illnesses only second to opioids. Okay victim, don't make excuses, just do better. I literally don't even know what she's complaining about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From her dumbass fans, provides toxic cultures and extremely unprofessional management to never visit again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what they did wrong. They have one star now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This place is very triggering for people with eating disorders. Why? Their packages truly dis- see the- even our fans don't even know what they're crying about. They say their packaging is disgusting. Do not recommend. Like, what's on their packaging? A big fat person with shoving cookies in their face and being like, eugh. No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause when you- That makes more sense, cause when you become a cadaver, and you fucking your eyes popped out of your head, a vulture will come and eat your guts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they will not, vultures will eat sugar free cookies. Guarantee it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's some more catchphrases, Dan? I didn't do them all, I did like three of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how hard it is to find a decent man in the- This isn't even a quote from him, this is like somebody else in the movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold me closer, Ed. It's getting- What the fuck? These quotes are so dumb. I'm just saying. You can't make the scene if you don't have the green. There you go, that's- That I can relate to. You can't make the scene if you don't have the green.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well how are you gonna say the number one quote from The Mask is a quote from another movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uhm, Jake Paul is a piece of shit, did we talk about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, he, he, he challenged this boxing guy who's like 30, he was like out of shape, hasn't fought, he's not a boxer, he's a wrestler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well he got his ass beat by Jake Paul in the first round. Literally knocked out in under two minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are saying he's paid, it looked a little sketchy but I don't, I, I watched it back from a lot of angles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't know why the ref called it, I just found that the obscene- You know what? I waited so fucking long for that. You watched? I watched the whole- I bootlegged it. I pirated it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dozing in the Pussycats, the old one? Yeaah. That movie rocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know why they call it tombstone? Cause your fat ass is gonna die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes please, like a good, uh, debutante or whatever. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's trying to kill you. Look at this killer dog. Guys, this has been Frenemies. You know we're the only podcast in town that will put on four hours of makeup for no reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brother who failed the bar exam but still can download PDFs with legal cease and desist and fill in the blank. You'll be hearing from my legal team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had brought, we were thinking about, we wanted to do a podcast with another comedian, and I brought your name up. Dan, you can testify, before you guys were dating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that wasn't it. I swear to God. I was just like, you know what? I really want to make this a podcast. And I really think Trisha would be great. So let me ask her if she's interested. And you said yes. The rest is history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Nah, you- Bye! I think that would be a perfect story arc where you just leave my ass behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not going anywhere, I guarantee you that. I got no fucking ambition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no ambition and I say that with total sincerity. I said that I wouldn't take that Spotify deal from Joe Rogan and people said I was kidding. People said I was being a clown. I don't think I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't care, I have enough money, I mean I'm comfortable financially, I don't need 500 billion dollars from Spotify, because it's fucked up, because then you're leaving out so many audience to go, you know, on Spotify, and then you, and then my biggest nightmare about going in with Spotify, is that all of a sudden they have a say creatively on your shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They deleted 40 plus episodes of his because they didn't want that on the platform. I do not want anyone telling me how to do my fucking show, and I will never mark my words. Never.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring anyone in that will have any flex over me. Ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can only do so much about that. YouTube is kind of the most forgiving of all platforms I'm realizing now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. I'm Ethan Klein.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Squirt champion, squirt queen, undisputed Guinness world record holding squirt queen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's talking about his puzzle I think in this moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Flicks up a bit. I kinda got the same feeling about him as I got Logan Paul when he was not everyone hated Logan Paul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, don't get me wrong, his videos are really entertaining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this is my fuel, and I have, I have, thank you for by, for providing a nice workplace where you provide food for us. Because honestly, I didn't eat this morning. A bowl of pretzels is not that good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like two like centimeters and so he was just like, oh, you should probably come back like and get it biopsied, but I was like, ehh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, how do I do that? I think that's like, uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Invasion of like legal privacy rights. I don't think I should disclose medical information with people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not God. God told me you're gonna be okay. Well God put that there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna go to church yesterday, it just didn't happen, but, next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish we had orange chicken right now, I'm so hungry. I hadn't eaten this morning. Fuck. Are these kosher?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that! I think that's iconic. She's iconic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm, I know, I can't, I can't like look at, I gotta like actually start losing weight and then look at the scale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lost my, my taste for like two months. I had COVID. But it could have been the crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you saw me after I did my crack covid binge when I was, when I did The Bachelorette, the first episode where I was like announcing that I was on a crack covid binge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was so skinny and I remember him carrying me to the bathtub to like get me to like bathe cause like I could not do it. And he was so skinny and I was, I was getting skinnier, I lost about 20 pounds in like a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know Elon Musk was hosting SNL on my birthday? Are you coming to my birthday party?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't think anyone watches front of me that I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That says Ulta. Not Ultra. Okay, sorry, far away. Me neither, clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it can be triggering. I mean, I'm fine with it, but I'm saying, have you, like, on camera get, like, your physical REM? I'm fine, I'm fine with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's super chill. I was trying to do a TikTok, you know, there's a trend now, it's like, shake that ass and it's like you show somebody that says, shake your ass. I see them about you. I see people be like, have you seen those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just saw it on my phone. You should be Jill and I'll be Jack because I have his costume from Jack and Jill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine Honey saying, here beautiful, here's a coupon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saved five dollars on headphones, so. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty cool. When you go to omaze.com slash frenemies, you can get an automatic entry if you donate $10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should call it a Tesla Model Trish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is bad karma already. He has bad energy coming his way to say this about someone. Like it's, I don't wish it on him, but like this is bad to put out there like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it incels? Like the Elliot kid that shot the school up? Like that's the vibe I get from him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why I get me in trouble, what I feel like cause I know people are like, you shouldn't bring his kids into it, but like honestly this person shouldn't have a daughter. Like this really makes me like scared that this is like the mentality that someone thinks like this can't happen at all. So like if his daughter ever said something like this, he'd have that same excuse. It's like so scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I don't know how these people can even be like parents having like a child and like, you know, I don't know, I know I get hate for it cause you're like, shouldn't talk about kids but like that's so gross that this is the father of a girl. Because you know why I know so many girls, like I had like essays and all that crazy shit that happened to them as kids and it's like the same mentality that their dad had, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you showed your boobs, so like, you should be like asking for it if you got like groped by a teacher or something, you know what I mean? Like I think that's just so, he's so gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she also said in the video, she said multiple times, she said no. So even if it, if you do do it just to get it over with, which I've done many times, it doesn't mean that you consented to whatever wanted it. It so makes you feel less of a person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that's it, like, I don't understand, like, even Jake Paul's response was like a little more, like, digni-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I am. I think he's the worst because he like eggs on situations that he's not even involved with, right? We talk about James, talk about David, and like they are directly involved. He's not directly involved in anything, he just like eggs people on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eugh, it's just so gross. And people who watch it, like you said, the people who are like the little incel school shooters watching him will be like, yo, this is cool, like this is what we talk about. You know, that's why people like grow up like this, like Keemstar is, cause they watch this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially the, the making of the pedophile thing, like, people could go kill that person, like it's not just him killing himself, but people will like try and kill him. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At any age, but the fact that you're still instigating such negativity and it's like, blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel like me, even me too, mine is definitely not severe like Jeff's or even like Seth's or anything like that, but like you see these people just keep getting rewarded and rewarded and you're like, but this person like really damages me, right? Like you see it all the time, so of course you keep talking about it because it's so frustrating. You're just like, wow, it's like Woody Allen, like anyone, you know? It's just like, you see them and of course that's gonna like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or they feel brave enough, like a lot of people came up with David because they realized like, oh, okay, maybe we won't get like so much hate because now like other people have these stories and I'm gonna corroborate these stories just to like make a point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People feel like safer that people believe victims now and they, they'll look into it and stuff like that, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like so hard to watch because clearly that person is like, is, is, is, he's really feeling something. Instead of deescalating, he just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. And that's like the most, like, it's the most interesting thing you can do to someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't Keem claim that he's a lawyer too? I feel like he says he's also a lawyer or something, maybe he is, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he also like really hates women, like all his common theme is like about women, like you should have said no, how does this happen? Like it's a really like, that's what I'm saying, it's like actually really scary. It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel like he's gonna, like, harm a woman for real because, like, these are the people, like, I watch a lot of, like, again, serial killer stuff, not to say he is, but this is the same pattern where they hate women, like, women don't want to sleep with him, they call him ugly, whatever the case is, and they, like, hate women for, like, because this person did nothing, I don't even know about this story, this story wasn't even big because I didn't know about it, so it's, like, I don't understand, like, the hatred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's stuck in like, like two decades ago where it's like everyone was like, it's changed so much. He's like, well, people just like protected their friends. It's like, this is not, that's not the era we're living in. Like it's so, and the fact that he's filming this and putting it out there is so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted a $500,000 car and Moses was like, it's $500,000, so I sent him the meme that was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the, I don't know, it's such a weird, it's such a hard thing to grasp. I don't know, it's such weird when I'm watching it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what I think like last time was like it's weird that like David, to me, I would have like this endless guilt that I like.


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[Assistant] But you know what else, did you see the, do you have the Zane clip of Zane and Heath talking about how they just threw Jeff's injury into Todd and um, Heath being injured too. Todd and Heath like both wrecked their shoulder on this trip and they also just threw like Jeff in too and like, oh and Jeff and they like laughed about it. It was on Zane and Heath's podcast. Like it's insane that they like, this made it, like it was literally like weeks after it happened. So yeah, a bunch of us in Utah.


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[Assistant] The tone is just so off, it should be more serious, like I just don't understand how this tone is so like, whatever, this idiot was driving this excavator.


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[Assistant] He was hanging onto a floatie and the excavator was like, whip-whipping him around and he like, went off of it. So yeaah.


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[Assistant] When people are like, Trisha predicted this, it's like, this has happened so many times, you didn't even predict it, you don't have to have a psychic to tell you like, this will happen again, like he's done, he's injured so many people, and it's like,


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[Assistant] Why did he stop? Or, do you know what I mean? Like how did, why did he abruptly stop?


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[Assistant] And this was just for a vlog, that's what we found out was he was doing a vlog.


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[Assistant] I guess, I mean that was my, that's just my only issue I would say is there's no disclaimer to be, cause you know they said nobody asked for this which of course they didn't, but they should disclaim like, you shouldn't do these like unsupervised, like you shouldn't do this without like, I didn't like that they didn't, he didn't talk about that, like of course you didn't ask for it.


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[Assistant] Of course, but like, disclaimer, don't do this unsupervised without sound corny, without the licensing, with all that stuff like that. Like there should be- That's a really good point.


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[Assistant] I'm not blaming Jeff, I'm saying there needs to be a disclaimer for people watching, like someone is at fault, like somewhat, you did, you know what I mean? There is something wrong with this situation. It wasn't just a freak accident. We didn't ask for this. It's like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] It's interesting, he's getting views on it and it's interesting and I'm glad he can get that out of this, you know, there's like a story like he says.


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[Assistant] Or at least just tell people like, hey, we were not doing something right and this is the result of that.


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[Assistant] Wait, I just looked at us in the viewfinder, you know who she cosplayed next? Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit.


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[Assistant] God. What if I didn't get this? I'd be so embarrassed.


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[Assistant] It's hard cause there's like, some that go into 2000, so I'm like, oh, which one? Okay.


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[Assistant] I had little Nicky, I crossed that out. I had Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds and Waterboy.


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[Assistant] That's my outfit on my phone case. It looks handmade too, so it looks like shit, but I love you.


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[Assistant] They're cheap, dude. We don't like rip people off. It's not like $500 for a t-shirt. It's like five bucks. Yeah, it's fanfare.


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[Assistant] I love buying people's clothes, so buy mine. Okay.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna do not the right answer, but I'm just gonna guess.


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[Assistant] Congratulations, the podcast that's cancelled because of Crystalia.


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[Assistant] So I was going with that. And the black eye, so that's if anybody wants to.


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[Assistant] They're doing a sequel and I wanna say it's cause of me. I honestly think they're doing a Happy Gilmore sequel because I have, I bought the jacket, I talked about it, I got the hype up.


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[Assistant] Well, his wife converted, so you gain a Jewish person in the community.


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[Assistant] He loves Vs. Every girl's named V. Veronica Vaughn from Billy Madison, Vicky Valencourt from Waterboy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I had some anxiety about inviting you guys, cause I don't know if you actually want to come and it's like so awkward to get rejected. So I was like, uuuh.


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[Assistant] We have a security guard, we have a bartender, we have a karaoke, we're having hibachi, we're having like the hibachi people come set up things, like it's gonna be cute.


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[Assistant] Do you have a poster of her on your wall? The original, maybe. Who were like your, your, like the women when you were a kid? Rita Hayworth? I was going to say Judy Garland.


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[Assistant] In the autumn of 1643, the course of the First Civil War was running very much in the king's favor.


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[Assistant] Royalists controlled the north, and had wiped out the parliamentary army in the west.


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[Assistant] But the two main battles so far, at Edge Hill and Newbury, had essentially been draws, so Parliament was by no means begging for mercy.


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[Assistant] Especially because they had an ace up their sleeve that they were about to wriggle out onto the table.


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[Assistant] But before we get into that, I want to circle back around to Ireland.


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[Assistant] When last we left it, the Old English had just joined in the rebellion launched by the Old Irish, knocking the royal administrators pretty far back on their heels.


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[Assistant] A couple thousand English troops had been sent over as Charles and Parliament were getting ready to declare war on each other.


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[Assistant] But after that, men and material were obviously being diverted to the brewing conflict in England.


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[Assistant] But, the devoutly Protestant MPs left in Westminster were not just giving up on the idea of putting down the Catholic rebellion in Ireland.


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[Assistant] Plus, the Old English had joined the Old Irish on the condition that the rebels swear loyalty to the king even as they revolted against his administrators.


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[Assistant] Which meant that Parliament was now concerned Charles would be able to turn these rabid Catholics into an army he could use against them in England.


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[Assistant] I should note, though, that the king was considering no such thing.


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[Assistant] He had wanted to halt the rebellion to free up the English troops stationed in Ireland to come over and fight for him, not the Irish rebels.


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[Assistant] Complicating this already enormously complicated picture, and giving Parliament a way out of their dilemma, which was, do we either put down the Irish Rebellion and lose to the King, or put down the King and lose Ireland, was the Scots.


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[Assistant] I almost talked about this in episode 1, but dropped it because I didn't want to make things too confusing right out of the gates, but something like two-thirds to four-fifths of the settlers in Ulster were actually Scottish Presbyterians.


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[Assistant] So when the rebellion initially broke out and the rebels started killing people, a lot of them, most of them, were Scots.


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[Assistant] I was probably too flippin' about this in the last episode because I was trying to convey how quickly tales of atrocities were exaggerated, but there is totally a thing called the Ulster Massacre, where something like four thousand people were killed right away, and another ten to twelve thousand died after being expelled from their homes in the winter of 1641.


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[Assistant] Anyway, as you can imagine, the Scottish Covenanters were pretty righteously pissed off about Catholics slaughtering their brethren in Northern Ireland, so over the course of 1642, as the English got their civil war going,


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[Assistant] Parliament was simultaneously raising money to fund a Scottish expedition against the Irish.


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[Assistant] The Scots wound up sending an army of 10,000 over to Ulster to protect slash avenge their people. And they were pretty brutal themselves when they got there.


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[Assistant] Through 1643, the rebellion in Ireland then transformed into more of a stalemate between three interconnected parties, the Rebels, Catholic Old English and Old Irish, the English Royalist Garrison, still holding onto their eastern strongholds like Dublin, and then this invading Scottish army.