[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] External. In here, I'm happy. I'm fine. I like our day to day. We recorded demo diss today and it felt great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, finding negative things about people I work with. Plenty. That's Omar's problem. I'm worried about what people have to say about me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, that's, that's my only issue. But everything else good? We good here? We're okay? You sure? You would tell me, right? I would tell you right now. Okay, that's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what else I'd tell you? What? You guys look great. But I look better, because I'm wearing Stitch Fix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is a nice shirt, got some nice pants. Uh, I wore this, uh, I got this like last year, but I still wear it. It's good stuff. They, uh, it is a very easy to use service, uh, that they have where they basically, you have your own stylus, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dress you up, make you look good, going out, and then stuff that matches, which I really like. So it's a online, personal styling service. You can get in the way, I don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a styling service that finds and delivers clothes, shoes, and accessories to fit your body, budget, and lifestyle. Also this belt, I don't know if you can see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, that was a bell for a year, there's no-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got the most out of them. So I actually really like them. So it's really simple. You just go to stitchfix.com slash dude soup, tell them your sizes, uh, what styles you like and how much you want to spend on each item. It's pretty simple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you'll be paired with your very own personal stylist who will then hand pick items and send them right to your door. It's all a mail delivery system too, which is what I love. I'm kind of busy, I don't really have time to go to the mall these days, so it's like, it's nice to have clothes just sent to you and it's all personalized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, then you basically try on the clothes, you pay only what you want in love and return the rest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shipping exchanges and returns are always free, so it's a very hassle-free service.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there are no subscriptions required. Another thing I love about them, you can sign up and receive scheduled shipments or get your fix whenever you want. So stitch, uh, stitch fix, uh, styling fee is only $20, which is then applied towards anything you keep from your shipment. So I did that, put $20 down, went towards my entire outfit, which


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ended up being really nice and I can mix and match it's nice, but I'm wearing most of it today. So you can get started now at stitchfix.com slash dudesoup and you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all items in your box. That is stitchfix.com slash dudesoup. To get started today, stitchfix.com slash dudesoup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's, that's it for that ad read. Uh, that's really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I want to ask you, Bruce, and James, uhm, is there anything you guys are excited about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That we're working on this year. Cause we, we kind of do our like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's been a while. Should we say, I guess we already kinda tweeted it. If you look into it you can see the theme of the season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. PlayStation 2. I love it. Yeah, PlayStation 2 is the theme. Yeah. I was like actually really stoked for doing that again. Um, some surprises. I've never owned a PlayStation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I feel like that was how I sold it to my parent. Mom. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, I was like, you know, it's a DVD player. And she's like, my mom was at the time like, oh, new technology. These DVDs are pretty cool. I'm like, you know, it plays DVDs and it's cheaper than any DVD player in the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably get it. She's like, you know what? We got it. And then she immediately was like, well, you're just playing video games. Put it in a bin and then we just got a normal DVD player. You fooled her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fooled your mom for a little bit. Got her. Yeaah. Look on her face. Yeaah. I feel like that's how most people had a PlayStation 2, so it surprised me when Bruce said he didn't have one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Playing drums, yea. That's right. Playing drums with Jesus. Did you have to play behind that glass? Yea, I did. Okay. They do that at my youth church as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always, I always wondered that when, if and when.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I choose to have a child. If they come up to me and they go, daddy, daddy, I want to blank. Then I go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Encourage or discourage, I don't know, like, for me growing up, for example, uhm, I got really chubby one year, so my mom was like, you need to do a sport, what's happening this summer? Football? You're playing football. No interest in the sport whatsoever, but yes, I was getting fat, so I had to go run around all summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come fall, once you go, they, they go, okay, time to buy your gear and your, your, you know, it's 120 bucks or whatever for your shoulder pads, get your jersey and all that. My mom's like, I'm sorry, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna cost how much? And she's like, no, no, no, no. And like, thank God, her boyfriend at the time was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's going to play football, like just let him play. And it was like, it sort of broke my heart because I was like, I played all summer and I was like, yeah, mom doesn't want to pay the fee. So I don't have the money. And then thankfully he was like, pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I am literally pulled off the street. We had some kid from the east coast move into our town and like, I lived in a very like white suburban town, but lacrosse was nowhere near it. But he was like, I'm going to bring lacrosse here. Cause it's some guy from his church was like, I'm from the east coast too. I love lacrosse. Let's get these kids going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that was what was happening to us cause we were, you know, we were Sagas High School first year. We're like, let's do it. And we're playing against all these like rich preppy schools down here in LA who've been playing for years and they're just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell, so we just started running into people. Yea, that's what you're supposed to do. It's like, that's actually the part where I think you would like it Bruce, it's like, it's sort of like rugby slash football, you're sort of hitting people. It sounds like Ultimate Frisbee sort of? A little bit, but you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After chess club, I'd go to lacrosse practice. You had chess club too? It was an elective. I chose to do it because I was like, oh yea, I wanted to learn how to play chess. And then afterwards we'd play Halo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So. It's a different form of chess. What, Halo? Man's chess. The greatest type of chess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, I don't know if there's anything else you want to talk about, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big things coming. I know we're, we're working on Arizona Circle still. Uhm, James and Lee's been killing themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna start filming hopefully soonish, uh, within a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, I know, I guess yeaah, things on the channel are just sort of staying the course and then uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like basically like a DJ, like we're gonna be DJing FunHouseTV. Taking requests, reading comments, all that stuff. Uhm, also, I can't really talk about it, but I showed some of you guys the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a fan just send us like a funhouse tv like re-imagine thing that he did with like these like sweet lower thirds and stuff and I was like dear god we have awesome fans. Yea that's really cool. So hopefully, hoping to implement some of that stuff too in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the whole service is very simple, very intuitive. It's a clear design with data presented in an easy to digest way. So a few pros about it. There's no cost or commission fee. Like I said earlier, while other brokers charge up to $10 for every trade, Robinhood does not. They preach this system of basically to learn by doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I'm just used to the stock ticker. Robinhood is giving our listeners and viewers a free stock. So something like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can sign up at dudesoup.robinhood.com. Once again, that is dudesoup.robinhood.com. Thank you so much for sponsoring this episode. And with that, I believe we're at the end of the episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I worked in that, the real system of that, uh, briefly. I think I told you guys this before, but I did casting. It was like my internship. You won't shut up about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was great. Uh, no, but it was, a lot of it was banking on, so it was basically every sister from the sisterhood of traveling pants came in and they all tried out for the same exact role because the casting agent was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This movie is blowing up and all these girls are gonna be huge. I think Amber Heard may have been one of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Lively, that's the one, yeaah. So like, I think she's the only one who kinda did something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, and you, oh you have to buy, like, uh, what's our currency called?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Copyright. I love that all of our ideas require, uh, one of YouTube's services or Google's services. Like we create a game. It needs Google trends to work, but we own it. Wait a minute, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, the gam is on my, my copyright. We should look into this. Anyway, that's it for this week's episode, dude. So thank you. Uh, Bruce James, if people want to check out your guys' channels, where can they go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I wish these two little indies the best. I love them for being my guests. Thank you to our sponsors for giving the show live. Stay tuned. If you are a first member, we're doing a little post show. We're gonna look at some fan art, take some questions. Oh, great time. But until then, we'll see you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, scientists have been looking into this for months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Similar situation with G4, uhm, I was in a few skits and bits that were, thankfully they actually cut out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know where those are. Yeaah, those are gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like me wearing Razer headphones showing up on people's random feeds and I'm like, cool. It's like, you don't get paid for that. Sign the contract, that's it. I did a Razer ad sometime last year maybe? I forget what it was. And it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was sort of sold to me as like, oh, it's like a small thing that we're doing, and then like, ended up being like, on an ESPN commercial. It's like, that was a lot bigger than I thought it was gonna be. Like, holy crap, but it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. That's like, there it is. It's done. And then people like, still to the same people are like, hey I saw you, blah, blah, on this ad. I'm like, cool. Like, there it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even to this day, because it is on Netflix and they showed on Pluto TV and other things, there are certain episodes you can't watch because they can't get the license for the movies because of the way that content was made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that is a, that was sort of a wake up call for me, like a reality of, oh God, like media is a lot more complicated than I thought it was. And seeing that happen to one of my favorite shows, Mystery Science Theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's heartbreaking. That's happening with video games too. GTA Vice City. They had to renew their license with Michael Jackson, I believe, for one of their songs. He's dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His estate's still going, so they're still trying to get money off of him. So they have to take that song out of the game when they re- when they- they're still selling it digitally. Didn't matter when it was pressed on a disc and sent out, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of the ever-changing medium, there's like, there's new weird rules and stuff. So it's like, that's always kind of a punch, kind of a punch the gut a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For personal use. So there was actually an entire department that you would request those because you'd have guests on Attack of the Show all the time. This was part of my job. Was, you'd put in a media request. Was it media request? I forget what it was called. Something like that. But basically, they have every episode backed up on a Betamax somewhere. Yes, they still use Betamax. Giant tapes. It doesn't degrade. That's why they use it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you put in a request and then they find the tape, they find the timecode, they find the part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when the person was on and then they burn it to a disc and you mail that off to someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many people do that where they just want a copy of a thing they were in or made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a time, I'm sorry, I'm waxing poetic cause I was there. There was once a time. I was there for nine years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, there are so many random one-off videos that I made that I like, I forgot I made that. Like I did a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think one of the most viewed videos on the channel was called In The Game. It was like a preview show that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like absolute frustration when we worked there in those times when it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's a, it's a crapshoot, man. You could upload a video, it's gonna get 500,000 views, or it's gonna get 10,000 views. No one knows. And like, honestly, that's what IGN looks like right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Yeah, and you just like, you would hope that whatever video you made would cut through the noise. Yeah. And that's like when Bruce and I were doing stuff on the Inside Gaming channel, I was like, oh finally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like we can control our destiny and we can, we can figure out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I kind of, I don't know, maybe I'm used to this with old media, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, morning radio. There's some really good morning radio shows and like, if someone wasn't recording it, that bit is gone. If Mark and Brian did a thing, or Kevin and Bean did a thing, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone didn't record it. Yeah. I mean, they don't back it up. I think they do now as like podcasts, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even then it's like, that's how I was always kind of used to it. So, I'm grateful when people do like fan backups and stuff like that. And I think like a system like archive.org is really important for, uh, just cataloging human history. So for, you know, when the aliens take over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always, uh, we talked about this, it's, uh, Transylvania. There's like a salt mine where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that was the California desert. It was, uh, some movie they restored because they found a film copy in the Transylvania salt mines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they found the original film because they keep it in these salt mines because apparently it's really dry or something and it won't ruin the film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot which movie it was, I think it was maybe that Orson Welles movie, but either way, fascinating stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think we're at the kids table of the kids table when it's the big, the big empire. So like we are a tiny, like it is that sort of thing where if you got a problem with your Disney channel subscription, you don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once again, dear, dear Polygon journalists and Kotaku writers and Destructo- I'm sorry. They're doing their jobs. I know, but you wouldn't have watched us otherwise. And now you're like, who are these guys and why do people find them entertaining? Like, people-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just thinking about it. Versus lucky number. Also, he did it one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always had more innocent thoughts of like, I wonder how many leaves are on that tree, and I wonder if it was someone's job to count all those leaves, how long it would take them. But then, yea, Alana is like, how many dudes does it take to fuck each other to make a circle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a show Omar pitched me on, pitched me on, he told us about Patriot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on season 2, there was a moment which I turned to Jess and I was like, that was the greatest use of penis I've ever seen in a show. There's this great part where they introduce these like French police officers and they're all big talk, and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, fuck, we're the best cops out there, we're gonna do it. And like, they're all kind of like, like, neckbeardy, a little kind of like sad, but they're always talking about like, how, how many women they fucked, and sort of like, one guy's like, I never get up for women on a subway, because I'm more important, because I'm a police officer. There's a scene where they're all talking, and they're at the urinal, and they all have nub penises.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starting out there, Patriot has micro-penises. Fight. Fight. I'm just saying, instead of wasting your time, Burtbox. Just watch two seasons of this show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Silicon Valley was one of the first shows, I think they had an erect penis finally, but it was on a horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a scene where they're doing an artificial insemination with a horse, and it's clearly CGI'd, but there was a scene where they shot with like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the sort of, the way I felt when they gave Heath Ledger the award for best actor. I thought, thanks but no thanks because I felt like he wasn't going to get that nomination had he not died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But because it's a superhero movie, and this is a superhero movie, ten years ago, where the officers put their nose up and say, no, we don't need you. Childish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but that's the thing is, I feel like it was nominated almost out of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some sort of duty. Well basically like, someone died, we have to nominate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it first came out, it was also not nominated because they were like, it's a kid's film. Not the type of movie we want. That's just how the Oscars are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you feel like Black Panther is a good movie and it is a cultural phenomenon, you don't need the Oscars to tell you so. That's true. Let you, the people decide that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weirdest thing the Oscars is, at the same time, the thing no one cares about and the thing everyone cares about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People care about the results, they don't care about the trash. The three and a half hour show of just like, rich people jerking each other off is not great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same sort of thing when I watch like a, if you're watching a football game or a baseball game and someone's like, dang it, that character got ejected. I'm like, that poor millionaire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will cry for them tonight. So when they're like, Leonardo DiCaprio didn't get an Oscar yet. Oh!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That poor man who fucks a new model every month. Darn. Month. Every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, one best screenplay. That's what I thought. Yeah. Yeah. So like, and see that had cultural relevance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's absolutely fine. I, I just, I don't know. I, I feel like by the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Man, she annihilated that movie. I would have actually put Spider-Man into the Spider-Verse as best picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe. I think they made a separate category because Toy Story I think was nominated. I can be wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did Screech come out this year? What's his name? Screech? Creech. Creech. Creech. 2018 was the year of the Creech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say Black Panther definitely for like, is there an aesthetic category? Like, where they call it Afrofuturism was the coin turn, fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need a pallet cleanser, like uhm, like a good place, or some like just wholesome entertainment that you watch afterwards and you go, I need just a breather, man. It's... Bojack Horseman. Isn't that about depression? Did it win? Or was it nominated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, I kinda leaned towards Isle of Dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that thing, when I'm thinking of like, a Oscar movie, I'd go, Isle of Dogs is the more artistic, it's the high brow, the better, whereas Spider-Verse is like, it is that perfect blend of popcorn and entertainment, and then also, it made you, it did different things, it made you feel good, also it's a superhero genre, which I fucking love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't buy it. Probably not. Yeah, I wouldn't purchase it. I just, from the understanding of this series, this I Survive R Kelly thing is, he doesn't have, all his music is like, it's based on real life stuff, so like when he got Aaliyah to sing a song, ages, but nothing but a number or whatever, it's like... Well, she was like 16? She was young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But either way, I'm just, but like, I believe I can fly. It was like, he was just, he was watching Michael Jordan play and he's like, and he just like sang the song then and there and came up with it. So then when I think of Trapped in the Closet, I'm like, there's a part where he sings about Bridget and the midget. And I'm like, what is that about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, if your dad was cool, he'd be like, did you know Freddie Mercury was such a badass, he fucked whatever he wanted and then died of AIDS? Good night, son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You strike that balance. Apparently Led Zeppelin put a fish in a woman, so whatever. I believe that. Yea. You can do whatever you want, there are no phones back home. A fish in a woman?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like put a tr- there's a- an urban legend that led Zeppelin while on the road, like put a giant- an entire trout inside of a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope that what? Us. The new Jordan Peele movie. Oh, yeaah. I'm sure that it will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Invasion of the Body Snatchers type thing. What was the deeper message there? You know, the war of the worlds is about communism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, shows that ended when it- they ended like on a cliffhanger and then they didn't have the second season. My favorite was Mario Brothers. When Daisy comes in and she's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chop chop. Yeah, I'm trying to think what was our meteor when we were at Machinima. But what did we see? I went, we gotta get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best part about it, and like, please stop me if we've told this story before, but the whole thing was, we're gonna put the sweet branding on the side of the building, and it's kind of the machinima logo, you're never gonna see it. Fast forward to the city of West Hollywood going, you're not allowed to put branding on your building because that's advertising, and you need to pay us for advertising, and you can't do that on your building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the entire thing went up about a week beforehand and said, you have to take all machinima branding off of it. So it's just, it's just this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like horror art. I don't even know how to describe it. It was this weird thing of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you haven't seen it, everyone listening or watching should watch that fire documentary on either Hulu or Netflix and you see that dude, the entrepreneur, the get it done, like been in that room so many times. He's the dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he'll be doing it again somewhere else screwing people out of their money with some MLM or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have a recorded like Google Hangouts meeting where they're talking about it's post fire festival and it's everyone being like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, so what do we do with this? And you hear Jarrod be like, how do we spin this? How do we spin this? How do we make this good? And then people are like, well, like we committed fraud. He's like, it's not fraud!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it is, it is the slowest and then the fastest train wreck you've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bent a little bit because I was gripping it so hard playing God of War. That last Valkyrie fight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anytime there's an award for any sort of online medium, I have to just really roll my eyes and it's like, what's the criteria? Exist? Yeah. Okay. I'll take it. Yeah. That's like, imagine getting an award for like, the best human of the year goes, it's like, I have as good of a chance as anyone else, but no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the criteria? You need to have a YouTube channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See you later. So a video came out recently, uh, where you basically, YouTube is telling us, they're clearing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turns out, it has always been this way, and they just want to make things more clear, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing you guys did point out is, uh, if G4 is backed up on Betamax tapes in somebody's basement somewhere...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Machinima's a channel, probably backed up somewhere on a YouTube server.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all jacked. Chris Pratt was for a bit. Chris Pratt was. He was kind of like, okay, definitely a chunky dude who's now in the best shape of his life. Like, oh, I knew that guy in college. He was a fat ass. Now he's jacked. That's what he became. He was huge in Guardians 1. Yeah. Because he was a big dude who just slimmed down. But in terms of their body shape,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nintendo, like, like they do stuff like that, but there's certain conventions that are niche conventions that aren't the paxes or the comic cons that are like, listen, you love this, get over here, so maybe you're not like, maybe you're not the Blizzard fanboy that should be going to a BlizzCon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, the reason I've never gone to a BlizzCon is the same reason the brief moments when you've played Heroes of the Storm only to get Overwatch skins. I'm like, who are these people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Like, they can't just say, we're gonna do this convention. Like, so whoever went to the Blizzard money check writers had to say, this will be a good thing. It's gonna ignite the audience. We're gonna have, there's gonna be a spike in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a tidal wave or like the scene in Perfect Storm where they're like going up the wave but then George Clooney takes out a bucket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like, like I said, BlizzCon is a fan event. It's a celebration of the people that love these games. In E3,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone gets upset at EA when they spend, you know, 25 minutes talking about FIFA's new whatever card trading system. Sure. That's, but that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love me some mobile game. Sure. Singular. Game one. One, right? Like, but I even acknowledge it as what it is, which is a sub game, which is a distraction. So like, even if they're like, we want to make the best mobile game ever, you're still making the best candy ever. Yeah. Not a meal, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it, I, I don't remember, cause I'm not a player of it, but wasn't there, there, when Diablo 3 came out, there was like a, kind of a... It was a mess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like telling you that this is a treasure hunt. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I rented the first Diablo on some sort of console when I was a kid, and I did not even play it at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I shit my pants when I was like five or something. Sure. When, cause we went to the, we went to the airport back when airports were fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, I was saying this to my mom and then my brother went and got in a wheelchair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only other time was when there was a wrestling game that we had rented for the NES, and it would, it was like really garbage sprite graphics, but then if you did a special move, it would like, like, like, let her box it, and then


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I kept doing a move on my brother, which was a giant swing. So like, it would, like, you'd go walk up to the legs, press a button.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Letter bars would come in, and they would just show two buff dudes, like, one spinning the other around. He would land on the other side of the ring, but his stamina was so low that it would have time to get to the other side of the ring, press the button again, and it'd drop in. And I kept doing it, and I was laughing so hard that I just shit myself while I was doing it. I kept going until my brother was like, you shit yourself.


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[Assistant] Uh, I don't think it had licensed wrestlers. There was the old wrestle...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mania game? Yeah. Where, yeah, you play as the hunk-tock man, and- Oh, yeah, yeah. Andre the Giant, but all he did was just teach us- Yeah, he just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that that was necessarily in response to Unity, but it was what came next and no one like... Celebrated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he generally tries to use game art and if that's impossible then he'll move on to sexualized. That is correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that book is really sad. Well this, this reminds me of that person who did, pretended to be the girl from Full House, Jodie Sweeten and Sadousta Guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or whatever. Toasted off butter. Wasted off butter. Wasted off butter.


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[Assistant] And then I think there's another one where a guy hid a piece of meat in someone else's lawn. It's like the meat project.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm kind of like mixed about it. On one hand, I think that everyone should have the right to work as much as they want because some people just legitimately love their job. And I know at Rooster Teeth, we had this mentality of like, you're responsible for your own shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, as long as you get your shit done, like, you're good, you can work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] X amount of hours or like go into the night if you want. Uhm, the only time that really happened to me was when I was working on RTX.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back in 2012 to 2015-ish when I was co-directing it with Gus. And there was just two of us, so I would spend a lot of late nights at the office. But I think it's on the managers and like the heads of the company to realize that whatever task needs to be done or whatever is being worked on requires either more help


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the nature of the job. There's some jobs that people understand when they s- not sign up for it, but when they go into that field, they understand the nature of it. Like, there will be crunch times, there will be times when you are miserable working 100 hour weeks or whatever it is, but then when that game is- is done with and you have some time off and you have lulls and ups and downs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the biggest problem is that no, unless you're physically doing it, no one will truly understand the amount of work that goes into such as reviewing games, developing games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But someone, I remember multiple people would just say like, oh you're just on Twitter all day, you just post tweets. And I'm like, I wish I could describe to you what goes into all this and this process and how like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Managing every different aspect of it and every different department and every different project and show and event and all this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, in a way where everyone will know the information at all times because of one person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I worked at a Burger King, my first job, from the age of 15 to 17, and I was making like $10.25. And when I heard that minimum wage here I think at the time was like $5 or $6.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's insane. Would you also get threatened with the like secret shopper that would come in? Yeaah. We're gonna have a secret shopper sometime this week so be on your best behavior. I don't know if that ever happens. I doubt it, yeaah. Yeaah. They probably just said it to us every week. Yeaah. I had to clean the Burger King. All the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot of like, punches and a lot of like, ab stuff. Cool. Rocking back and forth. I had a lot of fun with it. I did in high, in uh, college, high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's kind of like, uh, you could equate it to being somewhere where you're smoking a cigarette in a place that is legal to smoke a cigarette, but then, like, if there's a baby being carried by, you, like, puff a smoke into its face. It's like, yeah, that's not very ethical, but it's... Technically legal. Technically legal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But isn't like, kangaroo very, very, very plentiful? There's so many of them. Kind of like deer in the US.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, yea. It's just like roadkill there essentially in a lot of places.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Classic Australian animal. The camel. The camel. Definitely important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a Reddit thread recently, uhm, asking people who work in porn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What like their worst experience is like or like what are the hidden dark secrets of porn. And it's really a scary industry to be in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like there are some horror stories of people being mistreated and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine if it gets advanced enough where it's hard to tell what's real and what's fake, that, let's say...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's an employer, like, if you're trying to get a job somewhere that, at that point in the future, people understand that that is doable and, like, you could replicate someone's appearance in that function and, like, if you're like, this isn't me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is consent difficult? It sure does. I was going to say that as a layer of complicatedness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, uh, converting to Judaism. I'll get there, don't worry. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently one of the steps in converting to Judaism is that you have to ask a rabbi, I think it's three times, and he has to deny you three times before you could, because it proves that you really want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, this thing. Are you allowed to play this song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really- Just ignore the hand and you're immersed right away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, I still like that this is Halloween. How do you pronounce it? Otamatone? Otamatone, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a suggestion for one you could use for another week. Yeah, sure. Should I tell you now? Uh, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I don't know what it is, and I saw it on the interwebs the other day, obviously. But it's a channel where this kid does a series called, uh, What Are You Doing in the Hallway?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there must be 40 or 50 maybe more videos. I like that a lot. And they're each like 3 to 4 minutes long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Excellent. I tried to carve a pumpkin laaah two years ago for the first time. My hand never recovered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are those progressive wa- the AR? It's a sponsored- Is there also a squirrel driving the boat? No, there weren't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, it's the dawn of a new day, everyone. Red Dead Online is out, meaning that we can finally stop playing Grand Theft Auto Online after like five years. But how long will it take for Rockstar to fuck us with some kind of rainbow horse or a bolt-action laser rifle? Get ready to grind out this dusty bowl of dude soup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess then you can like put out clips and screenshots. I don't know man, people got in trouble for beating up Suffragettes in single play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's great. Uh, welcome to the DudeSoup Podcast. This podcast is brought to you by three sponsors. You can get $75 off your burrow couch today at burrow.com slash dude. You can get three months of wireless for 20 bucks by going to mintmobile.com slash dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you go to tipsyelves.com and use our code DUDESOUP, you get 20% off your entire order, site-wide discount. Tipsy Elves, yea, that one is already rocking that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who sells flowers in the slums? Come on. Aerith. She's got material. Are we talking about Final Fantasy right now? Yeah, we are. Adam's lovely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I am Lawrence, your podcast host, joined by Bruce, Old Lady Green. That's right. Uh, Adam, Old Kentucky Kovac. Hi. And Alana, Old Dangles Pierce, I don't know, it was just kind of whatever came to mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh the, oh I forgot to start my timer, dammit. Uh, so one of these days we'll start exactly at 2 and then I won't need to. Hold on a minute. That'll never happen. Nope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, it's about, yeah. Every time I've done about, then I go over, so. I gotta, I gotta have actual numbers to stare at. But everything's, my command center's up and working now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's important. Alright, so the big thing is that Red Dead 2 Online went live just like, hours ago. As of the podcast's recording.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's pretty interesting. It seems pretty similar to Grand Theft Auto Online so far. Uh, illogical mods on Twitter. Kind of run down of all the modes. Uh, there's adversary modes, uh, deathmatch, team deathmatch. An open race, which is kind of interesting. You have to race through all the signal, signal fires around an area, but they can be crossed in any order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interesting. Uh, point to point races, there's jobs where you hunt down outlaws and stuff. A battle royale mode called make it count. Quote, a true test of resourcefulness. Use nothing but a bow and a handful of arrows to be the last one standing. With a gradually shrinking player area, there's nowhere to run. No guns?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's just bows and knives. And also how many people can you play in that? Uh, so other modes have up to 32. So battle royale has 32? It might be 32, I don't know, I didn't see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I mean they had what? An idiot blackout. And they have a hundred in Fortnite and stuff like that, so it's totally possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You probably just wake up in a forest. I don't know. I, I haven't played it yet, but. Yeah. Just barely got started before the podcast started. Uh, there's also Most Wanted. Every kill pushes you up the scoreboard, but watch out! The closer to the top you are, the more points everyone else gets for killing you. Uh, this is kind of interesting. Name your weapon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, demonstrate your personal specialty in this free-for-all. The trickier the weapon you use to land the killing blow, the more points you get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Repeaters, one point, revolvers two, shotguns three, maximum gun is five, sniper tomahawk six, melee seven, explosive arrows nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then, there were other things that repeatedly said that your morals will determine the outcome of given missions. I think these are the story missions. So there's like, there were snippets in there, quote,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, also just point out saying, quote, a moral decision will be required in some of these missions. So that's kinda neat. Okay. Yeah, when you first start playing online, there's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, your character just kinda stands there wordlessly while cutscenes happen around them. You're just nodding and grunting and stuff like that. Uh, your whole posse shows up in cutscenes. Or at least, I was watching some people play on Twitch and they had like a party. And then I'll just be standing there silently while everybody else is like talking around them. Yeah, that's neat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so the progression is what I've mostly been super curious about. Having, you know, we are very, very seasoned in GTA Online and just, just cramming shark cards into that thing so, like, DeLorean's fall out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I wonder when you can use those. Uh, what little mechanic I saw, the stat boost thing is, dead eye is not slow motion in online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can equip these modifier cards to your like skill loadout. So that when you pull Deadeye, it makes your health regenerate, and everyone else in your posse, and then someone else in your posse can equip like a damage boost. So when they activate Deadeye, everyone gets a damage buff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, you can strategize, I think, I think they stack, or they don't. It said one or the other. There's only one right answer there, and I don't know what it is. 50-50. Yeah, right? I'll just go with yes. I'm gonna put my chips down on that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More than the average person, like more than you deserve to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that was on game pass. I don't know. Some shoot him up. Well anyways, Dead Eye doesn't slow it down in Red Dead Austin. Of course not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I was, yeaah, there's, what, what, the progression is what I'm really curious about. Cause this has, Rockstar got pretty good about making GTA Online a game you can play forever and still sink money into endlessly. Uhm, partially fueled by create, community content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no community content Red Dead Online, so far. Yet, yeaah. There will be. But yeaah, it's tied into Social Club, I'm confident they can figure something out with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, what I'm curious about is that there are two currencies in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well, I guess player boosts and stuff like that. The only thing that I'm concerned about with Red Dead Online is that, as usual, players could just drop 50 bucks, run around with like a suit of plate mail and two automatic shotguns, and just be like feeding boosts into their mouth like they're pills and just blasting everyone just because they can and it's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are soooo skittish about that right now. Yes, as they should. With Diablo Immortal and what have you. So I wonder, I wonder if Take Two like did a rug pull right at the end and they're like, we have all this monetization in the game. You think so? Just rip it all out. Really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easier than GTA V did. In the sense that I think the game they built


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like they built it to a point and then rolled it back just enough to make it work on current gen consoles. But I feel like the next, the next spec version is already there and probably working pretty well. I don't know, I guess depending on when the next gen hits, which I would guess like late 2020, if someone's guessing. Uh, I could see them having that for launch, that'd be pretty cool. Yeah, that would be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to think, uh, how it was done in previous, like, what was the separation between the Xbox 360 PS3 version of GTA 5 in a year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Red Dead Man. I know, I know, I just love that it's called that. Palm, palm to hip, forehead, back on the couch. The lapis. So bro makes clever, uncompromising furniture for modern life at home. As the days get shorter and the weather gets colder, you're gonna be spending more time at home and on the couch. Amen to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And make sure that time well spent with a sofa from burrow. So, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, depending on what your living arrangement is, maybe you're living alone for the first time, but if you want to deck out your apartment, it can be pretty intimidating to go to furniture stores and like professional salesmen and stuff like that will run a game on you. I got hit with that. I was making couch payments for a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a decent couch, I guess. But, if I had the opportunity then, I certainly would have ordered from Burrow. So, I got mine from Burrow. It, uh, it came in like, uh, some like pre-sorted packages. It's actually pretty easy to move around. A lot easier to move around and get into the room you want than a full couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's also handmade in North Carolina. Uh, so you can support the land of freedom while buying a nice couch. You can also get $75 off your purchase by going to burrow.com slash dude. Uh, once more, that's $75 off at burrow, b-u-r-r-o-w dot com slash dude luxury couches for real life. Thank you, burrow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, cause GTA Online hit this weird trade-off where like, the grind was rough. But people seemed to just take it in stride. Whereas with any other game, I think they would have been a lot more pissed off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they do have a serie- it does seem like there is a series of story missions in Red Dead Online at launch, which is kind of interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when you first start Red Dead, the whole map is revealed. Which was, uh, I hadn't seen it all yet, so when I opened the map, it was like, ho ho! That's what it's shaped like. Uhm, I'm only in chapter 4, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy cause the effort shows. There's introductory cutscenes, there's like fully voiced and motion captured cutscenes and stuff like that. There's a story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it's already, well again, it's beta and it's early, today is only when people with the ultimate edition are allowed to play, but I'm impressed that, one, it's working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amazingly, right off the top. And those are some of the investment things that people don't acknowledge. It's like, if it looks and plays well, sure. But people don't think about the amount of money it takes to get servers up and running to handle all the login requests and stuff like that. So for a service like this, even on its first beta day, it's a launch pretty stable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's just, it's also an early warning system about where to spend your time. So with something like Arc, if you put all this time into like making...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you had it out and people are yelling about it now, you can adjust as opposed to making a full thing in a vacuum, putting it out and hoping that people like it. And there's so much wasted time and effort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the fucking URL structure to see somebody's Xbox profile? Whatever, I'll figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Final Fantasy, er, the Final Fantasy trailer played before Spider-Man. Which was the greatest day of my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I didn't expect there to be a giant wave of people being like, oh yeah, Evangelion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that, I feel like, I feel like that show meant something to you when you watched it when you were 15 or 16. Watching it as a 30-something is, especially if you're fresh on it, I'm curious how people will react to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd always heard, yea, I'd always heard the context of how that show was made, but I never watched it with that context in mind. It was more like, it was one of the first anime I'd ever watched, and it was a lot of weird and heady thoughts to drop on, uh, somebody who'd grown up in a small town. Uh. In Texas? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, Bruce, if you wanna talk, you can save money doing that with Mint Mobile. Okay, alright. I was also sponsoring this podcast. Don't upgrade your phone! This, uh, Black Friday slash holiday season, upgrade your provider and save yourself some money. Uh, this podcast is brought to you by Mint Mobile, who I've actually been using for, I wanna say four or five months now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Mint Mobile is basically like a very cheap a la carte, uh, mobile service. It, it uses T-Mobile's network, or at least that's what, that was the case a few months ago, maybe different now. But it's a $20 flat, gets you three months of wireless service with five gigabytes of 4G LTE data each month, plus unlimited talk and text.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it's not unlimited, uh, they bill you for data beyond, uh, beyond that plan. But it's kind of up to you. If you, you can look at your data usage and see what you use. I always wanted unlimited just cause I had that little nag in the back of my head. I never wanted to be throttled. You can never tread on this phone. But, uh, after I just, I looked at my data usage and I was like, I never use over five gigs ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I switched to Mint, and I've been saving crazy amounts of money ever since. Uh, and if you're not 100% satisfied, Mint Mobile has you covered with their 7-day


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Money back guarantee. So if you switch and you find out that your reception's not as good, you can just transfer your number back to your old service, and you're totally fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a little bit here about, uh, leak culture. Since you guys are talking about Red Dead and stuff like that. Smash Brothers has leaked. Cracked open like an egg. The full game? Yeah. Uh, retail copies were sold in Mexico. People were posting on 4chan last Wednesday, posting photos of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, people get in regardless. It's- Nintendo's pretty good actually about buying time. Their systems are shockingly secure. Uh, but yes, they do get cracked eventually. Like 3DS took years, which is unheard of for- DS is real quick. Yeah. Uh, but okay, so the game's out there, Dataminers have been taking hex editors to it and pulling out all the information they can. The game's 1,055 track soundtrack has been leaked in full.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let me explain why, because there's a heart, there's a hurt deep in my heart that I carry to this day. So there was a game, a beautiful game once called F-Zero GX. Had an amazing soundtrack, a great soundtrack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it had like full length versions of every song, and each racer in F-Zero GX has their own theme song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jack Levin everybody. Uh. Wait, track 11? Jack Levin is his name. So it's not track 11. No. I don't remember what track it was. It was unnamed. It was a game rep, Bruce. They don't have track numbers. Okay. Anyway, uh, it had two full verses in like a chorus and a bridge and a chorus. It was great. Full song. Then I buy the official soundtrack and I say, well good, I put my money where my mouth is. I don't need this pirated material anymore. But the official soundtrack only had one of the verses, Bruce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And ever since then I've been missing that second phantom verse, it's gone. It's gone!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know the name, Adam. It was on my MP3 player for like three years straight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? This is the song. You said this is not the full version. No it's not. They might be. It's probably not. It's gonna kick on in a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this, the leak of Smash Brothers has caused people to hurt themselves, like Johnny Cash. There's people who are like mad that anyone would leak anything because they can't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop themselves from looking at all of it, and they hate it. Oh, I see. Like, they would rather get the game, beautiful and pristine, put it in, and then Miyamoto appears on screen and bows, and says, hey, thank you for buying a Smasher Burger. And then he like, he like, pats you on the head, his little digital hand comes out, and grabs your hair a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I would prefer, I would prefer that to like Ralph Breaks the Internet, which shows you basically no plot. It's just a series of like goofy scenes, and I'm like, why would I go watch that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, no, no. So, well, sort of. There's Omega fighters that are new. So, like, Ken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So speaking of Bruce saying things, I got something for you to read here. Okay. Alright, so this is, uh, just skip this first, I decided this one should be the finale, because this is somebody confronting this gentleman about his problem. So this is, uh, this is from Alex Shepard, is his name, which is incidentally, as we all know, the character who is in Half-Life Opposing Force.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's just an omnipleum there. Uh, so Alex Shepard has been doing a lot of work on the Silent Hill Wiki, um, Silent Hill 4 specifically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So as it turns out, Silent Hill 4 is actually about, uh, male circumcision. And how bad it is. Oh, so it's like an allegory for male circumcision? It absolutely is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yeaah, there's some articles here that have been screen-shotted out. We'll just start with that one, and Omar, if you could, give us some chamber music, thank you. Where do you want me to start? Uh, this one down here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, okay, so this is somebody, somebody left. This is on edits re male genital mutilation. Little letter here. Uh, I guess I'll take the role of the other sort of editor of this wiki.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't quite remember the game being a lunatic anti-male genital mutilation rant, so I figured the article should probably be the same way and removed as such.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if that section is found to be worth keeping if reinstated, it should probably do more than pay lip service to Sullivan's mental state, rather than being some unhinged polemic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody's advocating genital mutilation. I'm against circumcision myself, but a lot of that section is entirely irreverent to Silent Hill. After describing the evidence that shows Walter might have been circumcised, there was no need to include completely irrelevant information about how barbaric American doctors were. That stuff belonging on websites dedicated to that topic, not a Silent Hill wiki.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tipsy Elves might have a sweater with that exact thing on it. So yea, Tipsy Elves is sponsoring this podcast. Yes, we're back to winter clothes. Tipsy Elves makes novelty sweaters for the holidays and many other things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've gotten tipsy elves stuff in the past. They sponsored the podcast before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And actually, uh, a long time ago, uh, Rooster Teeth partnered with Tipsy Elves and made a funhouse onesie. That is my, like, that is my sloth prison. Whenever we take our Christmas break, if we ever get it, uh, I just, I, I zipper that thing up and I'm locked in. It's like my second skin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, yeaah, for your, for your holiday parties, oh, it's a little ripped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they also have like day glow ski suits if you want to look like an 80s bully on a ski lodge. It's everything you could ever want. They even have interactive sweaters so you can play like beer pong on your sweater. There are little cups on it that you can try to throw balls into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they made those too. So yeah, there's a lot of great shit at Tipsy Elves. You can get 20% off your entire order by going to tipsyelves.com using code DUDESOUP. Uh, once more, that's tipsyelves, T-I-P-S-Y-E-L-V-E-S dot com slash, uh, or use our code DUDESOUP at checkout for 20% off your entire order. So, thank you Tipsy Elves for the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cozy, cozy, cozy sweaters. I love them. I'm keeping it on. It's actually real nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, take a big ol' whiff. Uh, let's see. Oh, uh, I think we got time for Cyberwatch real quick. Alright. Yeah, it's time for a hot update. Cyberwatch. I'm still on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And have you drawn any lessons which may benefit Cyberpunk in regards to fine-tuning the game?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so Adam Kaczynski, uh, apologies to the country of Poland and their beautiful language if I slaughtered that. Uh, actually provided a really thought-provoking answer, didn't actually say much, but still thought-provoking. Uhm, he answered. He's the CEO of CD Projekt RED.


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[Assistant] Uh, answered a fairly provocative question, isn't it? Without a doubt, quality is of paramount importance. We strive to publish games which are as refined as Red Dead Redemption 2 and recent Rockstar releases in general. That game is excellent, by the way, and we are rooting for it. We have reviews, excellent sales. But what does that teach us? Well, it teaches us that we need to publish extraordinary games and that's exactly what we are planning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gamers it seems tend to focus more on hit releases. There's only so much time one can devote to video games. And while their gaming community is growing, time cannot be stretched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is, well maybe not a surfeit, but a fair deal of good games out there, and playing them consumes a lot of time. So it pays to be among the best. That's how you get a nice fat slice of cake, business-wise. And the same cannot be said for the lower leagues. In summary, we are rooting for Rockstar and for Red Dead Redemption 2, and we're happy to see that excellent games continue to sell well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making a good game isn't enough anymore, because there's lots of good games. You have to make a world-ending cataclysmic game so that, like Red Dead, everyone rallies around it and buys it just because it's part of the moment. You have to create those things. Kinda like watching Infinity War.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hmm. Nope. Uh, so yeaah, I like the... I like, cause as a consumer, I've certainly gotten the impression that there's too many good games to play. And, and they're getting longer and bigger. Uhm, so it's like, this, this release season, like Battlefield V...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just kind of a whisperer. It's been, it's been overridden. Same with like Assassin's Creed Odyssey, like people are playing it, but it's not. I'm loving it too, from what I've seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like Red Dead just stole all the air in the room. Which is odd. Especially given that it's a game that has an odd amount of friction in it. Like it's not super easy to play. It's very story focused and slow paced. These are all things that you wouldn't expect of like a game of the moment type thing to be true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what old people said about rap music, Bruce. It's the music of the future, just cause your old ears can't listen to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're really old. Alright, so the previous winner is, uh, Ouija number one, who wrote this, uh, paper, talking about the aerodynamic nature of big ol' anime titties. I'm glad that we crowned that one, because the other guy gave up. I mean, his body gave up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Too much pressure? We did that to him? Well fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, this is up against, I gotta, I have a 25 minute video, and we're not gonna have to watch the whole thing. Darn. But it's a 25 minute video of a speedrunner describing his half A button press technique. Oh. To getting the Watch for Rolling Rocks star. It's got 3 million views. It's a lot of technique here. Yeah. So, uh, the, uh, the windup is, ehhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, he goes through the nomenclature of what a button press is and how you can have a half press. Uh, this was part of a whole initiative to, uh, to beat Super Mario 64 without pressing the A button.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then people, somehow, it got more complicated than that because they're like, wait, what does that mean? And people are like, just don't press the A button. And they're like, no, no, no, we need to figure out what that means. So like, do you beat the whole game with the A button held down? Because that changes some things. Oh, because you're not- Can you let it go? Does that count as a press? Like, the- So, this was part of that process. And this is a pretty old meme, uh, of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This dude painstakingly but very well actually explains a number of very very minute mechanical things about Mario 64. Including these little bugs that chase you and then they have to bump into you and update their zone of patrol. Oh my god. And then you gotta like chain them over to another area of the room where-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he also put, he made a whole graph, uh, or sorry, a whole spreadsheet recording all of his frame data for getting the star about how to do it in half a press rather than one whole press.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's what the half press is. If you come in with the button held down, it's considered a half press as opposed to a full press. And now he's going through all the different ways that Mario behaves physically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you, I think part of it is like if you squish into the bottom, oh yeaah, so that the speed graphs based on the angle that you're moving on. Hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got that with a half press. So a half press meaning he held it down and let off for a second?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's right. There's also a thing where like, if you, if you like push against something, you build up momentum in the opposite direction. So if you push against this for a full day, you will like, yeah, it will, it will build up speed and then you can rocket somewhere else. A full day? Yeah, it's, it was part of their attempts again to beat the game without, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without pressing the A button once. Uh, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Oh hey, he gave a rundown of his time. Time to test, 12 hours. Time to record and manage 9. Time to create uncommentated version is 31 hours. Time to add visual commentary. 75 hours! To make this one video? There's something wrong with this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, who's voting for Titties? Bruce. Titties? Alright. Lana? Titties or Super Mario 64?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wouldn't she have to like kink her hips way back? Audio listeners, you gotta look this up. Oh, she's got back problems for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well that'll round it up for today's YouTube. We've got a couple of announcements. Uh, one that I meant to make last week and totally forgot. Alana is now hosting and producing Google Trends. She is the trendmistress, trendmaster. Sexist. Sorry. Uh, I don't know. I'm fine. Oh, okay. I don't care. I still- I still call you trendmaster or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We also have the holiday special coming up with the Brewster Teeth. We're gonna be in that. We're working really hard on our number there, so make sure you guys tune into that. We've been doing rehearsals every night. What day is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't- yea, I'm not sure what this is. Oh yea, this is them asking for us to make a promo for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what happened to it. We can set you up, sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, thanks for watching everybody. I'll do it for the podcast this week. If you're watching live, post show's coming right up. Uh, I just realized I forgot to harvest fan art for that. Completely. Uh-oh. Whoops! Well, whatever. We'll just hang out with you guys. Alright. Uh, thanks for watching the podcast. See you again next week. Goodbye everybody. Bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On either end of the spectrum, so either like really really funny things, or like very scary things. And mystery is a big part of what I love too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think, like Alana said, most horror movies have some element of mystery that you're impacting. If they don't, they're probably bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if there's, if there's nothing to unpack, it's probably not a very compelling plot. Are you a horror guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I don't, like, scream, the scream movies are very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I kinda like stuff when stuff's really like dark and terrible. Yeah, so do I. I think I actually get more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Un-eased. I don't really find a lot of horror like that scary. Uhm, and maybe that's desensitization to it. Like, like I think either your article or one of the like a bunch of other articles because like I was looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Researching a bunch of the other articles about anxiety and the correlation to horror, talks about like, when you are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you know, doing aversion therapy with somebody and you're stimulating the amygdala, uh, which is the, like, part of your brain responsible for this. It's showing someone the same visual. And I guess that works the same with, like, horror and desensitization, though. So I guess, to a certain point, I wonder if, like, you're an anxious person and you look to horror as your escapism. If, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, sympathy for Mr. Vengeance or something where it's like, it just leaves you like, feeling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think bigger problems than does that, does that person like me? Are they judging me? Like are you, when you're an anxious person and you're like, you know. Okay. It's like gives you a perspective. Yeah, I think it's, it's just total like removal from, from what makes you anxious because your mind is so stimulated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of meditative. Makes sense. Yeaah. I think I probably just like the adrenaline, honestly. It's a chemical thing too, cause James and I talk about this too. And his thing is like, well I'm sure it's like a dopamine rush. Or whatever, like you're, you know, you go to the gym and it's the same kind of response.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, though, Mr. Vengeance bothers me more because there's, well, I don't know, can I talk about this? Will it spoil it for you guys if you even say no? I haven't, but it's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, old boy sympathy for Mr. Vengeance or Mr. Vengeance and sympathy for Lady Vengeance. But like, there's a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just a part where they abduct this kid because they want to try to get a ransom. And he's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That to me is a hundred times scarier than, you know, a ghost or watching somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like to walk Benson a lot late at night or I'm walking home from like yoga or something and I'm always like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, that like, that to me is like, more terrifying than any like, hm, horror, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing worse than being 30 and then having that realization that you wish you'd taken care of your health the way you do now and then when you were 20.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a test coming up and they'll think of all the negative things that could happen when really they should just focus on studying for that test.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what you said, Alana, people discount, like, emotional distress, psychological distress, as real disorders, but then they're not thinking of what, like, toxic stress and anxiety can do, the mental marathon you do constantly, how that can affect you physically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's why we need to train the apes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. I could live in that economy, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that all happened because I, I had anxiety and panicked and my brain went, your brain right now is just a bunch of monkeys on typewriters smoking cigars and all the pages they're pulling out are blank, Elise. And then I articulated that. Beautiful. So that's, I was the worst. But it is a good point and it's like a thing that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just gonna say I've had like, young men approach me at like, Rooster Teeth events and like, hey, I was one of those people who when you first started said that a woman was going to ruin Funhaus. I just wanna say I'm sorry. I was really wrong and I'm like, wow, that's a nice thing to say in person. I think it's also very brave when people do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, to me, yeah, to me it's like the saying it in front of you, because people can hide behind their keyboard and say whatever. Or say nice things behind their keyboard, but yeah, I always think that's really sweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, like, my back sitting like this just feels- Yeah, it could be that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I think there was like a Google Trends or something or maybe this podcast where I sat like this because it just feels good. People were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, my friend Neil, he was like visiting me here and we went into my apartment and I left my shoes on. Because like everybody, especially in California, leaves their shoes on. And he was like, why are you, he's like, Ellis. Because we call each other Ellis and Nellis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, Benson. Maybe this man saw every, like, horror movie. This is where he needs to go. Maybe he's seen what Alana has seen on 4chan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give a strong message. Again, it's, it's, it's the unsettling. No, no, I mean it's like the worst, like, it's the one that makes me feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, because I started with James, and then I have like problems sleeping a lot, so like I'll be up from, you know, 3 to 5 a.m. And so I started with him, watched the first like episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's anthology, so like, it's all different stories, but they have, they have like, very Twilight Zone-esque vibes to them, and they just did their fourth season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He probably did, because I've been telling him. If Adam likes it, I'll watch it. Oh, Adam likes it? Adam, Adam. I think like a couple months ago he finally was like, oh I watched an episode of that show. Yeah. But, uh, cause I've been getting on him about it for like a couple years, and it's uh, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also have the, when Noda strikes, safely move a Counselor. One Counselor though? Yea. But we don't care about Tracey. Wha- Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It always makes me laugh every ten seconds or so. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's cause it's so pitiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't hear because Flapatron is literally blasting in my ear. It's right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that said, every time they show all those hard drives and disk drives, I go, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy has literally no life. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he needs to win. Floppatron needs to win. So I'm voting for Floppatron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please, please don't play it anymore. I won't be able to hear the panel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lawrence, was anybody else in the virtual space with him? Was this online or just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey James. Yeah. Was this what it was like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lawrence, do they kiss at the end? Yes. Will you show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, while I love G- Was it G-Johns? Yea? While I love G.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta go with Sergeant Hale. Marries his waifu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he went to great lengths to marry this woman in virtual reality, so I think he should take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one's hand drawn. I'm worried about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh! That's basically what it looks like. What's the name of it? The Meow-Sick Kids Keyboard?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I hear is meows. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is very tough, uh, because while I love the darkest corners of the internet, I love that it shows humanity's greatest faults, and it's terrible, and I also love that it made a man, a full grown man in the front row go like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't vote for DJ Def Joey. Really? I've gotta vote for Kiss Cactus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is the best of us. Not too shabby. Not too shabby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good vote. Floppatron vs. Anime Wedding. Floppatron vs. Anime Wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've decided that group of old Russian men makes me happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The post starts, is having daughters the ultimate cuckoldry? I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Making her go to sports practice. Making sure she had a healthy diet. Educating her. Playing with her. All of it, as one simple result.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. Oh, stop it. You can just skip that one. He gets to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a man who has a daughter, you are literally dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ultimate and final cuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To dismantle my opinions. You can't joke about cancer. So you're gonna have to come out swinging with that one. You can joke about cancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I know her mom, so I'm allowed to do it too. Greg Miller, uh, Lance Armstrong. Can't stop, well, we don't know if you're a cancer survivor yet. Stay tuned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leave Spaceman out of COVID. Uh, yeaah. I had a growth removed from my head once because they thought it was cancer. Turns out it wasn't. The end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Typically if you're doing audio listening, you're rarely are you just staring at a wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usually doing something on a computer or driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our podcast, yeah. Hopefully. We have a good audience. Thank you, audience. Yeah, well done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and it is, it is one of those games. We have played this game a million times, uh, in a different way, whether it's Astroneer or Conan Exiles or Ark, it's, it's one of those types of games that I fucking hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Resource management, all that stuff. But with that said, uh, it is one of the more manageable and fun games and I think the idea of traversing space is much


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Much more appealing than, uh, just being like a, you know, a naked dirt person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird, like, cause we've been playing at co-op. That's the new thing they added, the multiplayer. So I don't really want to play by myself. I want to play with other people. That to me is more fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? It's a resource management thing, so it's sort of just a bunch of micromanagement. Uhm, and that's more fun with friends because it feels like there's more at stake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never felt like there was too much downtime and I, if there ever was, it was sort of just like, let's just gather resources.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did you find, like eggs or, uh, rocks or whatever that you then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, have to decode basically and then it's like, and then the RNG kicks in and we're like, you have found a seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so now, now you, you have, you now see the barrier. This game, uh, No Man's Sky, I feel like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's been in development for so long, they now show you everything of like, look what you can eventually build to, and they give you a spaceship that can fly around a planet pretty quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, if they had shown that original VGX, was it VGX or VGA's trailer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The VGX, yeaah, when they first showed that trailer, when he, he's looking out at everything, and then he opens up his menu, and then goes, shit, I'm low on ferrite. Then he shoots a laser at 30 things, then he goes, uhm, okay, now I've built this and I gotta combine it with, now I've got launch fuel, then he puts it in and then he takes off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I have never seen this much wildlife bunched up together in this sort of variety yet. Uhm, it's been a while since we've actually seen this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, it's usually like three or four little animals running around and they do look like spore creations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's close to this now. I've been perusing the No Man's Sky subreddit and stuff and that's a dedicated bunch. I'm proud of those guys for sticking through. I've seen less rough games have, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a, have kind of an easier transition. Uhm, so kind of surprised like the Destiny audience is sticking around with it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At this point though, are you allowed to be mad, uh, in this situation that exists where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When this game came out, the writing was on the wall, we saw it. Like I said, Ark, Conan, all these games that come out where you go, you are paying to get early access to be a beta tester. And if you don't like that, then don't buy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's, I hate to be the older dad and be a shame on you, and I, look, I don't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The position the industry is in any more than anyone else. But rather than sitting there and crossing my arms saying I don't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm gonna just cry about it. I'm just gonna go, okay, well I'll just try to evolve and try to learn how to live within this world. And what I did was, what I think most rational people did, they looked at the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the wasteland or the, uh, the battleground that was No Man's Sky. We all peeked over the wall and went, alright, I'll check back later. And I'm like, I have, I am...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will pick no side. I will let you all fight amongst yourselves and it is up to the developer and the publisher to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make good on their promise. Let me know when you do that. There's about 600,000 other games I need to go play right now that are more than finished. I could even go back and play other games that were finished 10 years ago, and I'll go enjoy those. So as a consumer, that's sort of your responsibility now. Like I said, not crazy about it, but that's the world we are currently, uh, squatting in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what this game is. That nose kept getting bigger every update.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, you look at interviews of like Sea of Thieves right now, or previously, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The developers just outward saying like, the game it is now is how, it's gonna be much different ten years from now. And that's when I go, cool, I'll see you, see you then. You know, I'm like, I know you guys are enjoying it, playing it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not a game that I want to get into right now, because I know it's going to change in a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Destiny 1 stuff where I still remember like one of those guns to get is with bad juju or whatever and they're like, you must complete a strike 30 times. Like you only have four strikes. 30 times? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, you've just created a wall that's large for no reason other than you don't have a lot of content in your game. That's like the Megalodon right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have no stock in Polygon, I don't care. Someone on Polygon plays a video game


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think IGN gave No Man's Sky with the update, they like re-reviewed it and gave it like a 7, and people lost their mind. I was like, nah, it feels about right. That's about right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six. He's more kill streaks. Ten out of ten. Six. Whatever. I don't know. It's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's cool that they were able to continue supporting a game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll never know those numbers. Yeah. I dunno, yeah, who knows. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the game that Hello Games made before, like Dirt Bike Bill or something? Joe Danger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I, I like No Man's Sky only because to me it feels, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels kind of similar to VR, it's sort of a glimpse into the future. Like I feel like one day we're going to get these, one of these games that's going to be a like a ready player one level where it is an infinite universe. But instead of doing resource management, there is still like a destiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, attribute to it where, like, I like the combat in Destiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then there's not a lot to do in Destiny. I was like, oh man, if someone can find a way to marry, no man's sky in Destiny into one game, where you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you can somehow manage both things, like, that may be my perfect game. Or it's like, I will never leave this place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think it's worth checking out, especially when we're playing on PC and it seems, uh, I've heard some people have issues with it. Who was it, uh, I think Omar. Garbage in that game. Omar had to reinstall, like, a new, like, uh, power. Yeah, he had to put in a new power supply. Oof. Yeah. I mean, that sounds related, maybe, I don't know. I, I've had nothing but, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. We're like, we'll do permadeath mode, that way it's exciting to watch. There's something at stake. Yeaah. And yeaah, you hit the nail on the head. We didn't die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Bruce said someone invaded his game at one point. Oh. And immediately started trying to kill him. Uh, and then he just quit to the menu and was like, oh, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no story there. Do you think it was the lumps that threw your mouth off balance? No, uhm, no, my hair is weird. I always part it to one side. That was because they had some, they found some lumps on the back of my head. You can kind of see it, I don't know. It looks like a bald spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they found some lumps there and there's like a growth and the insurance took care of it because they said it could potentially be cancerous. Uh, the biopsy said it wasn't, it was just, I, I, I grow random lumps or whatever. But when they cut it, they had to, um, basically got a facelift in my twenties and they like pulled my head back and that's why my hair's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember, uh, what's it, the dad from Braveheart? The king? He had lots of love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also the, uh, that was the home improvement episode where they thought Jonathan Taylor Thomas was gonna die. Like, no, you just have a goiter on your neck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, they were the follow-up to Home Improvement on NBC or whatever it was. But every episode of the Dana Carvey Show had a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, sponsor brought to you by, you know, Dana Carbishell brought to you by, you know, so they did Mug Root Beer. And they do the, uh, they do the episode of Home Improvement of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then they show that clip back to like Stephen Colbert and Danicar, everyone who was on the show, and they just, you see these guys crack up. They know they're such assholes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, man, fuck, Dana Carvey's show was so damn good. It was like, the shit they got away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's his face? Colbert is Gregory Peck. Doing an amazing impersonation of Gregory Peck, but, like, you watch the thing and you're like, there's no joke here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I gotta, I gotta mix up, but a Battle Boy, okay, I'll make my list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The vampires. Oh, how dare you. They were the coolest. So the one who was, uh, the Bill and Ted one, what's his face? He's the worst vampire. He's one of the vampires. Oh, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chance the dream. They explore this in, uh, what is that movie? Midnight in Paris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That one was a different movie. That was the one with Bill Paxson that you're thinking of. Sir Vek was with Kevin Bacon.


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[Assistant] I'm still looking, uh, frailty? Frailty! That's the one.


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[Assistant] What year did it come out, 99? 2001. Oh, 2001. Oh, maybe. Not on the list. Directed by Bill Paxton. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And assassins. Yes, thank you. Movies where you see Sylvester Stallone's ass. I give it to a lot of them. Like, we got Sharon so nude in the shower. How do you do it? No one asked.


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[Assistant] I like that. You killed 30 people, John Smarton. We'll freeze you for 15 years.


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[Assistant] I thought you were going to say, when we were on vacation, we talked about you and your sunscreen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well now I have a tan of little blotches on my back and then one on my left eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want a more real and like ultra-depressing version of the island? It's a movie called Never Let Me Go. Oh yeaah. That Alex Garland did. It's just like. God that was rough. Yea, if you want to be mentally kicked in the balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's one of those games that's semi-therapeutic, because it's like a zen garden where you're like, I'm just doing my thing. Uhm, not great for gameplay content, I don't think. We'll see how our videos perform, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't know, like maybe stream content maybe if it's just like kind of a background thing, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another win for me, huh? Well, we'd have to play, we'd have to play with a team. I can't be matched up against them. You just find them. Yeaah, so he would, I would just leave him behind. Okay. Yeaah. Then I go, you watch.


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[Assistant] Well rounded in the sense that they have like, maybe an iPhone that's a year old? Yeaah. Okay.


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[Assistant] I'm paying for it? Yes you are. What the fuck? I need to read more of the Wall Street Journal. You do!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like those Team Fortress servers where they're just like, idle server, sit here and things will come. Oh yea, generate items. You're just wasting electricity, just stop it. Stop. Yea, people do what they want to do. Stop it.


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[Assistant] I guess I'm not surprised, I'm just disappointed.


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[Assistant] We could potentially do some of it at RTX. Nah, nevermind.


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[Assistant] Where does he live? It looks beautiful. Is that like Montana or something? Maybe.


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[Assistant] Really? Is that the evolution of Gyarados? I don't think so. No, he hashtagged everything though. Look at that.


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[Assistant] What's the flower's name? Vileplume. Get him Vileplume. Stop Gyarados.


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[Assistant] My heart says Final Fantasy House, but my mind says Hot Pokemon Trainer only because now Lawrence has to do some research. See, I was trying to avoid that. Yeaah. Well no, I want to hear the whole story, but you know, Condensed.


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[Assistant] I will learn more about Final Fantasy House on my own, as I have been the last two weeks.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, I'm like 30 minutes into that video. Oh wow, okay. It's, dude, it's rough. It was a rough story. I mean, Lawrence basically told us everything about it, but uuuh.