[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hair in a can, snake oil, infomercial stuff. Real science, my friends. Uh, they say no waiting room, no awkward doctors visits, uh, save hours by going to 4himms.com. Because, you know, we live in the modern age. We watch streamers, uh, and we go to the internet to keep our hair. Uh, so you can go to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get a free trial, free trial month, uh, for just five dollars today while supplies last. You do need to see the website for full details. Uh, they do say it would cost you hundreds if you went to the doctor or were at a pharmacy, yea. Uh, doctor's time is very expensive. So, unless you have just A plus insurance, which, let's face it in America, not a lot of people can afford that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you're, yeaah, probably looking at a few hundred just to see a doctor and get a prescription, so this is much cheaper, uh, and you don't have to go anywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's uh, you can get that deal at fourhims.com slash dude. That's uh, F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash dude. Five dollars for trial month of HIMS. So thank you HIMS for the sponsorship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm on that stuff. I wanna keep my main right where it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's everything. It's uh, there's like, there's supplements, there's pills, there's uh, there's a shampoo to prevent the release of DHT.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a, it's a whole, it comes in a whole, like a box. And it's got all sorts of little sub boxes in there to tell you where everything is and what to do with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we can if you really want, but I thought, I thought me going to motorcycle school was way more impressive. I only fell off once. Oh, no applause, no one's gonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jeez! Bruce, I'm not gonna become ninja spending all that car money. What are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, they were all bashed up already. They were like zip ties holding all the body panels on. That makes sense. It's a training bike, yeah. They took the mirrors off because they just snap off the moment somebody tips it over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the electric motorcycle in McLean, it's only like $4.50, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] May I ask how much the electric motorcycle costs? It's around 10k.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, there might be, I mean, I know cars have federal and state incentives, so I'm hoping that kicks in for the motorcycles too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, uh, I guess this'll be the last little thing we do here on the podcast. Joel's giving us Tesla. This is thoroughly masturbatory, but I don't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, not really, no, this is just real quick, uh, I like to play indie games, so does Elise. I asked her if she had any hot indies to drop this week, she didn't. So here's mine, uh, this is Amid Evil, which is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a super like, it's, it's one of those like Neo 90's shooters. Oh, it's like Doom. Yeaah, very in the vein of like Hexen, so it's like. Yeaah, Hexen. It's a, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fantasy themed, but the thing that I love about it is, in the way that a lot of things now are doing like an HD retro look. This game is doing that too, but like, it's super crisp, but also pixelated at the same time. That's pretty neat. So it's got a really cool look about it. Uh, it's like really fuzzy and high detail. Yeaah. And there's a lot of little rendering techniques that are like, whoops, I'm done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway. That's really cool. Yeah, I really like it. It's an early access, but I thought I had finished the game, because I played through like two episodes basically, four levels each, with a boss fight at the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty, no, no, actually I bought it, uh, I guess if that counts as backing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but, uh, yeah, I unlocked four more episodes just in the early access one, so there's a lot of shit here. Uhm, cool boss levels, cool, cool enemies, you gotta kill stuff. Ah, Rockman!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got a cool, cool wizard staff. Ah cool. Is this like, super hard? I'm playing it on hard. Cause of course I am. But uh. He's one of those guys. Hard's normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get good, get good drink. So anyway, uh, I think it's pretty cool. It's very fun. If you're into like single-player games at all, this is uh, this is pretty ace. The map design's pretty great. Hey, speaking of video games, do you see any of the God of War stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they put out gameplay, right? Yeah. I saw a few clips on like social media, I haven't watched the full thing yet. I kinda want God of War to be a surprise, you know? I just wanna sit down, know nothing about it and go through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get laid and got a war, dude. Two chicks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so the Flopitron, it's a stack of old computer hardware that is sequenced to play songs. All the greatest hits, uh, this is the Ghostbusters theme by Ray Parker Jr. Who, he's probably set for life, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wafajon? No, report, nevermind. Yeah, it's Wafajon. He's dead. Yeah?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what I'd like to share with you now is an interesting story. It's gonna take a little explanation, but here's the headline. So, if you do- social clubs are a thing, it's like Disneyland culture in the park, uh, the amusement park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Social clubs, it's kind of like a motorcycle club except it's people that go to Disneyland. Right. Uh, and they all kind of get, they all kind of bond together over a common theme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we have here is a social club that basically demanded protection money from other social clubs. And when they wouldn't pay... It's like a mob. Basically, yes, started talking shit about them on the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John and Leslie, yeaah. They're a mom. This is via LA Times quote, uh, or this is from the story. John and Leslie Sarno, founders of the Main Street Fire Station Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, the, the development is the white rabbits were gonna get served because they were getting sued.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on a minute. My favorite thing and the reason that this is hard netting is, uh, okay. Uh, Kramer said several White Rabbit members were heard last week discussing their efforts to evade process servers on a podcast that was broadcast on a website for Disney social clubs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quote, these defendants have been quite diligent in publishing on an audio podcast, Things About My Client, this lawsuit, and their intent to evade service. She said, referring to March 7th podcast, Judge Bower said he tried to listen to the podcast but described it as quote, boring and a waste of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Signed in order to publish a legal order in several local newspapers as a way to serve those defendants who could not be served in person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so a social club that is demanding protection money, talking shit about other people, duh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dodging getting served, and then the judge can't even make it through the podcast. They're cracking about it. That's pretty-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man. Man, a venom, or sorry, a denim Darth Vader helmet. These people need jobs. I have them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Might burn a little, might burn a, might burn through a little bit. Alright, uh, let's, uh, let's, let's plug some stuff. We're at the end of the podcast. Let's inform you guys about the Cummins and Goins, Happenins and Hypnins on Rooster Teeth. We wanna plug you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First off, we got the, uh, let's play Spring Break coming up March 30th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of, yea. And, uh, I hinted at this on Twitter, but the next Funhouse Drunk gameplay is gonna be there. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, so it's gonna be rowdy. I'm hoping it'll be a lot of fun. But you have to be a first member to see it live. Uh, so please, uh, please consider that. Got a little trailer for you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need to add a thing with like, where it- People don't know what to buy! They got so much money! And then, uh, I guess the last announcement we got for you- Oh, second to last. That was the first! Second to last, yea, we got a few to get through here. Uh, act two of three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think I turned everything off. We'll see. Uh, but Funhouse's theater mode is now airing. Uh, that is also on the Rooster Teeth website for first members. First episode, Killer Nerd is now up. Got a little trailer for you guys too. Oh wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the spaceship flying through, oh! Like, we're invading E3. Yeah. Are our mics back on? Blasting, yes they are. Yeah. Blasting through Tron logos and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. Hands off, buddy. Don't ever point it at your face. Yeah. And then finally, last plug of the day, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Funhaus has their spring merch line, now live. So go check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I guess the special edition quintessential gamer thing went up too. Special edition? Yea, it's pink. I got one for my baby, shiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, all Saturday morning cartoons wrapped into one. So yeaah, if you're listening on audio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, bit.ly slash fhmerch will take you right to our page and you can take a look. We wanted to move a little bit away from, you know, logo on black tea. I think the designers at Rooster Teeth with a little inspiration from us did a great, great job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but that'll do it for today's episode. Thank you guys for joining us. Thanks to our sponsors. If you enjoyed the show, uh, check them out. And if you enjoyed the show, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please tell a friend, leave us a rating. Leave a comment if you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you looking good? Fresh and clean. Looking good. I gotta, I gotta shave off the sides because my head just looks wide sometimes. I want to emphasize the length.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's down under my chin. Alright, well thanks everybody for watching. Uhm, if you're watching live, we'll be back with post show very shortly. Uh, where we look at some fan art, take your comments and questions live. Uhm, and we'll see, we're gonna take a break though. So, but yea, see you next week, thanks for watching and, uh, until next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I almost saw Matt fall next to his desk. He caught himself, but man, it was a real solid trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or he like leapt off of it and then had to catch himself on the floor and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, a person scrolling through Facebook, they're gonna see something if they, if something like this were to pop up on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Feed or something. Then they would just like see it, think it's real and just keep going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, would these clowns be like a birthday clown that can come and hang out at your birthday party? Are these clowns you just watch on like media or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That has to cross, like, somebody's mind every time they make a new Mission Impossible movie and Tom Cruise is climbing into a helicopter to dive off a cliff or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This person wants to sue this person because they went on the internet and used technology to turn themselves into a super clown or something. This should be illegal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Andy Serkis Shakespeare reading from GDC where they like mocapped his face and then just they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Showed just like his face like as a digital recreation and him saying this Shakespeare stuff and then did a side by side where he's like this alien where they've like moved everything around to like fit a different skeleton and still using the same like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like motion capture and stuff, but just using his voice. But yeah, it's the same thing. It's just like moving points of articulation around to like fit on something else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it something that anybody has...sought like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just lost my gas station sunglasses, so I'm in the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you see a person with these kind of tattoos, you know that they're secretly a holo-clown in their second life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's connected by the internet and stuff too, and like information travels so fast, so, one, confirming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, piece of media will go to everybody who, like, could possibly agree with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, it absolutely is. I love textural experiences in my meals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, he looks all sad and serious. Always intriguing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I edited a gameplay like a year and a half ago where you were talking about Dead Weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, it was, it was, this whole time, I was like, where did I hear Lawrence talk about Dead Weekend at some point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before and I guess yeah, I guess it's just been a staple in your life since then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like how, like how all baby animals, it's like, oh, look how cute. I want to like hold it and cuddle it and stuff. It's like a paternal, maternal thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are all of their usernames and like little captions and stuff chicken themed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, it would thrive. And I love it, and I wanna go and watch all those videos. But that has, that has 1,106 pages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a medieval town, this could never exist. You could never find this 1100 page thing about Brindle Wolf and Calamity Poo. But you could travel several miles to this small town where somebody's cooking up their tiny dishes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna have to go with the Howl of Midnight on this one. But, I'm never gonna look at that again, I'm gonna watch all these tiny food videos. But, Howl of Midnight, that's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That reminds me of this website. Before I used YouTube, I would watch all these flash videos on a website called Albino Black Sheep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's new on me. I only knew Newgrounds. That was mine. I guess it's kinda like Newgrounds. Similar thing. But not as pornographic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I agree. That's someone familiar with the loneliness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't eat the whole thing. I didn't. I came here. Bones can eat the whole thing. I've seen them do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's us, though. That's our buttons. Not sponsored. That is not the viewer, nor should the viewer even try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] America. You cannot watch anything you don't want to. Well, the thing is, I mean, you know, uh, I think pot is still not as accepted as, uh, alcohol. I mean, alcohol has been around since the 30s and before that, obviously, with prohibition and a lot of other stuff, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not everybody, only one or maybe two or four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually not that much. I thought it'd be way more. It'd be like millions of dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's only donated a very small percentage point of his, uh, of his pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet John Travolta was mad because John Travolta made a movie about Scientology called Battlefield Earth. Oh my gosh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But people know that he's like, oh, he's the cool dude that's, you know, like, he's like your cool pastor dude that you knew in like church or whatever if you went to church. But then there's that other crazy dude who's like obsessive about religion and that's John Travolta. Tom Cruise is the cool youth pastor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause John Travolta's almost 10 years older than him. So think of it that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tyler Jones's, what's his name, James Garner, right? He was in that, wasn't he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we do this every week. We have for 160 weeks or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I got one. This isn't really fame though. Alright, I have two. I'll tell the one. If we need another one, I'll tell the other one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's very Sith. That's very Sith, and I was Jedi, 100%. Bruce is Jedi all the way. Uhm, no, I, uh, we had a, uh, we had... We love Sith. Uhm, so, Star Wars Fan Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a big deal in 1997. That tells you how old I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, because, uh, well no, no, no. Phantom Menace was in 99, but 97 was when they re-released Star Wars, Empire and Jedi in theaters. You're yawning already, that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I had just started, I had just started this high school, so I was brand new to the high school, and I was like, well, you know what, if there's one place I'll be accepted, it's the Star Wars fan club. I was right. Everybody's really cool there. Uhm, and they had a contest where they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was no prize, now that I realize it, but they had a contest where we're gonna play...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any orchestral song from the John Williams soundtrack of Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, or Jedi. And if you can tell us the exact scene that that music is from, you win. Nothing. But you win.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he lost face that day. I could tell you any scene that that music dropped immediately within 10 to 15 seconds or so. And the reason was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was reading Star Wars books since I was 12. Uhm, that was, by the way, that was not when Star Wars was cool. This was like 92?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would read the book and then put the disc, I like how these won't meet me in the eye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bought a, I bought like the collector's edition soundtrack of Star Wars Empire Strikes Back Return of the Jedi. Put the discs in my disc van, pop the headphones on and read the books. That's how I live in it. That's how I do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Actually, the president of our, well, our student body president was the president of Star Wars Fan Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could have had him pass all sorts of ordinances for you. He was the homecoming king as well. I didn't though. I didn't use my powers for evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was the student body president. He did everything. His name was Steve Feiner. He's a great guy, great dude. I don't know what he's doing now, but great guy. Drug addict, I bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sixty Star Wars books. Wow. I've read almost all the novels. That was all old Continent. I've read all the new shit. Yeah? I've been keeping up. Ah, I thought you were out. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you explain this to your teacher? To make sure that the teacher understood the depth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty sure Captain Picard looks like a little girl. His body looks like a little girl there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there was no, there were no grades, nothing was, there was no pressure unless it was pressure you put on yourself. Actually, that's why I liked it the most, because it was a competition that, like basically, you know, you would do it for fun, even though it was just to win, typically, uh, but you didn't have to worry about whether or not it affected your future, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might be right. I thought of it the opposite way, which was, since I know all of this knowledge in the sense that I've like, I've read it over and over and over, I'll see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, if I take it in, and remember it, which occasionally I do, I know more. But I wonder if that's actually the case, if it's more like what you said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never had, I never had that. It was always a notebook. The, uh, but I was in computer science like Lawrence, so we had computers and we would use Google to figure out how to program. That's what I would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine just the, like the head of IT at that Sony office was like, somebody was like, wait, wait, wait, they're all holding hands. We shouldn't shut it down. And he goes, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, for the game, yes. But the ones playing...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm on the Lawbreakers side. We played Lawbreakers a lot. We played it from the beginning. It was fun. I actually really enjoyed the game. I thought it was fun. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard a joke the other day. I still thought it was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uh, Cliffy B is making a Battle Royale game, cause he was making the new Radical Hyatt's. Is this a joke? Uhm, he's like, Cliffy B is making a Battle Royale game. It's like, didn't he already make that with Lawbreakers? It went from 100 players to 1. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was only one kind of similar RuneScape. Uh, Star Wars Galaxies, there was a time in that game where there were only a few Jedi's. Oh yea, yea. In hundreds of thousands of people. And if you got to see one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hundreds of thousands of people and, because not everybody can be a Jedi. You had to, basically like, you had to do all these crazy things for this game. Are you on your phone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really doesn't matter. The only thing was, it was just cool to see. I wish games still did this, which was make things very, very rare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's, I always thought that was cool, that like, only a few people could be, like there's, what is it, The Matrix Online? Yeah. There's only one person that could be Neo. And I always wondered what that person looked like and how often they played and like, uh, if they would ever show up in your server or whatever else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's a neat concept if you're playing a video game and you're like, wow, I could be Neo. You log in, I guess apparently if you log in, immediately you know if you're Neo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's ultimately what got me to stop playing Star Wars Galaxies was the fact that I couldn't be a Jedi. So like, it was neat to see when I saw them, but eventually like, I was just like, I can't put in the hours that I was required to even get anywhere near this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You had to master, you had to master someone in the neighborhood of like 30 occupations at the time. And I had mastered two. And I had played for someone in the neighborhood of 500 hours. So, you had to master 30 of them and then again, maybe find out if you're a four sense player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had my own house. I believe I was a master creature handler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't, oh, you probably can't read it, can you? Eh, don't worry about it. I think I can do both. Never mind, just read some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet I can also tell you why they wrote that first paragraph about war. Cause I bet somebody up that chain in Coca Cola was like, well does the camo mean that we support the war? Like are we, is that, is that why? Are we supporting a war? Yeah, do you think it's to support our troops?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did they revolution, but with a T? Did they spell that wrong? No, it was with a T.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do wish that I had like a nice coat and glasses at the end of my nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies that are made for guys like me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the porn I've come across was targeted at beer-swilling, sports bar-dwelling alpha males. Men who like their women stupid and submissive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic, cock-hungry nymphos with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected liposuction women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look. These aren't real women. They're objects. And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic. These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on. They disgust me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not that I'm against pornography, I mean I'm a guy, and guys need porn. Fact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein, guys need porn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't want to watch this misogynist he-man-woman-hater porn. I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world is a woman who is smarter than you are. Did you get this off of our nice guys?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can have the whole cheerleading squad. I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn rimmed blasts. Betty Finabowski, the valedictorian. Oh yes. First I want to copy her trig homework, and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her for hours and hours until she reluctantly asks if we can stop. Because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica. Summa cum laude, baby. That is what I call erotic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you ever see that kind of woman in a contemporary adult film? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve. The girls in the Latin club and the National Honor Society. Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs. Brainy, articulate bookworms with Mensa cards in their purses and chips on their shoulders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just take the guys down to the rec room and beat them repeatedly at chess. And then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.


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[Assistant] Buy stock in some hand cream companies because there's about to be a major shortage. I'm not just talking about straight porn, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This should be fuck films for my nerd brethren of all sexual orientations. Gay, nerd porn flicks with titles like Dungeons and Drag Queens. This idea is a fucking gold mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna make millions. Because this country is full of database programmers and electronics engineers, and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.


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[Assistant] Is interested in breaking into the adult film industry? And if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet, then you're hired.


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[Assistant] Doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive. It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful. You are beautiful, and I will make you a star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh this, oh yeaah. She put that in the slack, I didn't get to look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so he's just paying people to draw. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He pays people, he, he commissions artists. What's Annabelle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Lawrence, do you think that possibly we could get one of our artists to commission a picture for Murlogic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we connect them with, with like Kel or Kip, not to volunteer, but, uh, we can get them to draw a picture for Merologic. And then we'll pay Kel or Kip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is she in a, uh, like a deforested? Cause I think she's like, I think a model of capitalism. That's what I'm getting at. More and more is that she's fat. She loves Wonder Bread.


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[Assistant] Keep an eye out. He's gonna be pissed, you guys robbed him. I'm curious to see what, if Murologic watches the podcast, number one, and number two, if he or she can comment on what they were doing. Cause I'm curious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although it's not, he's not the artist, he's just the commissioning.


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[Assistant] I know, I think her hair is fine and she's just rich now. She hasn't come out with a new album in a while, she will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think also just because my mother's family was family friends with a, uh, that owned a shoe store in New Toronto. Got it. New June Toronto. Or not, like a shoe. Well, yeah, I can't, I can't explain the six to you. Is there a New Toronto?


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[Assistant] We just wanna have something that's on the interface of our console. Totally valid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I love this kind of stuff too, because we also just don't like to collect stuff anymore. It used to be that you'd want your big massive game collection or movie collection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know James has told this story before about our old roommate who just rented a DVD from Netflix because she lost one of her Buffy DVDs. So she just rented the DVD from Netflix but kept it forever instead of just buying the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, thank you Xbox, because this is the kind of problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I commend Xbox for this initiative. I think that a failure to adapt is why you see companies like Blockbuster go to business. So at least Xbox is like, shit, we're giving away our top tier new releases, $60, that's a $60 game!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like Bizarro Tom Cruise. Yeah, he kinda is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, Bizarro Tom Cruise meets, uhm. Alright. Who's the Doctor Who? Who's the guy from, uh, Little Miss Sun? The Teenage Son from Little Miss Sunshine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And cancel, so then there was like, it was like, okay, a big push to say these are these great titles coming. Some of them have already come out, and now it's sort of like, this limbo period right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was just gonna say, I always thought IDA Xbox, maybe not profitable, but I thought that that added a lot of texture to, to, yea, Microsoft's catalog. Terrible name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think something tech developers are learning is that people want all inclusive technology. So if you're trying to make a, uh, like product line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of developers used to say, okay, well I'll make this one tablet that only does this functionality, and I'll make this computer that does this. I'm not going to give that tablet the same functionality as this computer, even though I could, because I want the consumer to buy this array of products. I want them to buy the line of Microsoft Surface products.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your main line consumer is still going to buy the Surface tablet and the Surface laptop. Like they want...


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[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, and just kind of get the word out so if it ever leaves games pass, you know, somebody might just buy it. Oh yeaah, I remember that game. What was the game we played that was like hot for a minute? The Getting Up or whatever?


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[Assistant] Make my, where I say, I'll say like, I would like a medium size 10 piece nugget combo with a, like I try to give them so they don't have to ask me any questions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Count on the pavement, not just for women, but for everybody to be equal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a great experience because everybody's there. Whether you have differing opinions, everyone's there in a positive attitude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perspective, no one there is, is angry. I mean, people are maybe a little fed up with certain things, but everybody's angry. Everybody, and no, and everyone's very courteous to everyone else there, in my experience these last two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many pink cats were there? They had them last year too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a lot like the IT crowd, the, uh, they do the countdown, the underground countdown.


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[Assistant] The prevalence of those new videos on airplanes for a few reasons. One is it makes them more efficient for the flight staff. Way easier, yeah. Because they can do other stuff, just roll the video like a baby. Like when you want to put Sesame Street on for a baby, that's what they're doing for us. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I wanna steal something from that Amazon Automated store in Seattle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love going on like Reddit fan theories and shitty fan theories, which is now like the better new subreddit. And this one guy posted a picture of Snow White and the seven dwarves and he's like, hear me out, what if all them dwarves just had Benjamin Button disease? It doesn't make any sense. And I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, who cares?


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[Assistant] But then people write, like, ten paragraphs about this.


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[Assistant] It's like when we're, when we're like, you know, they got lasers on jets now and Bruce is like, yeah, we know.


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[Assistant] I was just gonna say yea, cuz like a B.B. gun rebounds into that. That hurts. That B.B. hurts. This is rubbish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess there are worse hobbies that are actually harmful to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, you know, it's night class. Did you have to be invited in?


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[Assistant] I hate voting for any of the ones that like, subjugate women in any way, but you know.


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[Assistant] I mean no, I mean it still is, I mean we're not gonna get into it right now. Meet me at the parade.


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[Assistant] Beautiful pile of pixels. That's a beautiful pile of pixels of you. Put a penis in that pile of pixels.


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[Assistant] Absolutely, absolutely. Also other countries without those policies in place are kind of good case studies. Correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, there's not enough, so for my money, there's not enough examples of giant, massive corporations stopping and going, you know what, let's think about the little guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just like, something that doesn't happen, so every single time someone says, let's take, let's let the shackles off, and then let's see, let's see where everything falls, I go, but if money controls everything, if money controls all the policy, then,


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[Assistant] Why the fuck do we wanna let one thing have more money?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, Walmart did not say, you know what we're gonna do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna back off so that way these small mom and pop shops can keep going and surviving in this economy. No, they didn't. They said, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna buy a billion of the item that we need so we can sell it for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 50% the price that you would be able to sell it because you don't have the product inventory to be able to buy and sell at that rate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the fuck outta here. Like, that's kind of what happens. So, I don't know, it's just like, it is the kind of thing where I don't- I'd love to believe in a free market, like, open system, except that there's so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no good examples of it ever, ever succeeding. Unless, unless you're a bigger bitch. And then it works for you. Well, I mean, yea, it succeeds for the 1% of people, like, at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say, America is now suffering one of the greatest divides of wealth, like, ever. And it's only been growing in that direction because of the capitalistic mentality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, absolutely. There's always another side to it, and I understand the other side. I just think it seems a little idealistic. Oh, it does. And I also think that like the current state of American politics allows for a lot of corporate money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't fucking compete with that, like, I can't give my congressman money to support their campaign and like, whatever, like, I can't compete with Walmart.


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[Assistant] Again, Devil's Advocate, maybe he just was the most informed on that like, cause I get it, cause that too is like, it seems like a big red flag. I'm gonna say, just for the sake of again, Devil's Advocate, maybe someone in that world is the most informed for it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I respect him for coming out and speaking on those things, except that every single time he goes like, he goes, you know, I pay less in taxes than my secretary makes in a year. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, that's what it is, it's an investment in your family, and that's the thing too, it's like, it doesn't seem like greed that way. That's, when you apply certain like, objective terms to how people view things, it models everything up. So when you say this person's being greedy, they're thinking,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna make sure that my family is protected. I wanna make sure that my grandkids' grandkids can live the life that they're- You're describing Spider-Man Homecoming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying perspective, that's the importance of perspective, because, because if you understand someone else's perspective, they don't view themselves ever as the villain. As greedy. Ever. Sure. So, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A corporation is thinking, we gotta push up these profits, not necessarily because we can hire more workers, but because then it looks good to our investors and, and, and then like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then the company, that way the company will be around for another 2,000 years, right? Like, that's how the thought process is. The problem is it leaves a lot of people behind. There's not a large enough umbrella for everyone to be able to suck on that teeth, man. I don't know. I mean, I agree with you, Adam. I'm totally on the side. I think it's, I think it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy would say that, that guy would say that I worked to get to 8 billion dollars. And there's no way to objectively, like definitively say.


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[Assistant] What a punchable face. It doesn't matter. Yeaah. You can afford to be a better person. Right. Yeaah. Or you can afford to still be a dick. Yeaah. But then also throw away 90% of your fortune. Sure. To be a better person.


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[Assistant] I would wager though, if Steve Jobs didn't view the iPhone as some sort of magic potential, someone else having designed it, it wouldn't have gotten through, and it wouldn't have permeated our culture the way it has.


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[Assistant] I still, you know, I still think it's, it's uh...


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[Assistant] It's an unfortunate scenario because there's like so many, the president is like, you know, not the current president, but the role of president is like this position to admire, but I still think like, there's a certain kind of person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to the White House, you know?


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[Assistant] And, uh, and as much as that person may be admired or revered, they're still very much that, that entity, that person. They're always will be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, my, a lot of the focus too is on how it affects the end user.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, there's the other side of it, where if you're a small website,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To have your website accessed. Yeah. Like, you know, uh, so it's a dis- like, I'm trying to think of an example, but it's a service provider that owns a website. Roosterteeth.com? That gets, that you can easily access, right? But then there's another website that's starting up like a Newgrounds.com type website.


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[Assistant] They can't get on the list. They can't get on the traffic list because they don't have the startup capital or whatever to make that happen.


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[Assistant] I think the most important, cause there's no solution, and the most important thing is to voice what your opinion is, research it, and then voice it to the proper places to voice it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is not a crazy enemy, right? People view them, view each other as having enemies and that's not how it works. So like what Bruce is doing, I'm gonna find the opinions of something that maybe I don't necessarily agree with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm just gonna research it and find out what kind of people think this way. That will help me get better perspective. This is something that's always useful and this is a great experiment because it's divided people so, you know, so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam touched on it briefly, but you can tell a lot about someone or something based off how it treats, um, treats the elderly. So Nigeria sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of all the princes over there that are trying to trick parents. If everyone's a prince, nobody is. Yeah, into, into spending money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like 90% of the money made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 14 months, 16 months to actually see what the rate is on, on internet. Because they'll just, they'll fucking charge him. They'll just change it. They'll, they'll charge him, uh, you know, $180 a month for a 56k, you know, modem uplink, uhm, and his modem rental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until he co- and they'll never send him a message to go, hey, we noticed that what you're doing is completely outdated and we want to upgrade you and here's a comparable package, but then here's what they'll never do that because they love the dollar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, after fighting, yes. Which to me sounds like the whole fucking thing is arbitrary. So it's a business that's not going, this is how much it costs to do X, so we're charging consumer Y, right? Like, it's just mind-boggling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Silicon Valley's a great example too, because there's things in Silicon Valley where like, are they in a room with us? When that conversation was happening, like this is a little accurate, and even in that, that's a show about like, one guy, it's basically one guy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who has this idea and he wants to figure out how to use it to, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants to figure out how to use it to give people something better than what they already have, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's trying to advance. But along the way he desperately wants to maintain his power. And make money. He wants to, he wants to get rich. And he, and every other company that he deals with in that interaction is a piece of shit. Right. That is trying to take that and figure out how to bleed it dry without any concern for the end user or anything like that. And so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, just a comedy show, but it's a very very realistic lens through which it's portrayed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also the best thing about that whole joke is that the only way they could get the best salespeople


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there was a drought in California for a really long time, and I guess what would happen was if you went over a certain threshold of water, you would be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got em. I do like how every news outlet is posting the least flattering photo of him as possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fantastic. Now is as good a time as any to get involved in the political process, and you know, we especially, being an entertainment focused channel,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do get blowback from people that say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah, I don't want this here, I don't want to have to hear this political stuff here and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's small enough that I don't need to throw them away yet. Uh oh. Okay, alright. Sound like Ajit Pai.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's happening is this fucking realm in which we work is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So volatile, and it's starting to feel like it's not really fucking worth it. Honestly, like, it's really not feeling like it's worth it. Everything about this is fucking with us. I know that everyone here has skill sets that we don't need to be doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think we do this because we like the transparency of it, we like how quick the turnaround is, and then the move through, but honestly like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If funhouse is the kind of thing you want to stick around for a while...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to be willing to put your voice out there and make it heard and, uh, and, just, I don't know. It's just, it, this constant, this constant bullshit is like, why bother?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe we need to get, maybe we need to start an ISP. We can start an ISP. Can we? We can't immediately fail. Yeah. Because we can't afford, we don't have the corporate bankroll. I mean, if they're, if they're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play the techno music so loud you can't hear very well


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were all thinking that all in the tips of our tongues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like that thing where you have, like, some hay, a goat, and a wolf, and you have to figure out how to get them all across to the other side of the river.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, they carry the genetic material for that trait, but they don't express it. Right. Right? Isn't that the way it goes? It's a graph. Can you look up the graph? It's a four cube graph, right, of dominant, recessive, and then carrier. So we're implying that the beta is the one who is the carrier of said trait, but doesn't necessarily express the trait?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, you have brown eyes, but maybe you have a recessive for blue, so your kids might have blue eyes even though you have brown eyes, as opposed to the person who has brown eyes but only the genetic material for brown eyes as the only thing that they could pass. Uhm, yes, got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gregor. Gregor. Alright, good for him. Okay, so this person is the Gregor Mendel of the American


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's the different types of people. I still don't understand because I feel like you could just apply beta to the dominant, the dominant carrier. He did though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beta is also omega, alpha omega creates a beta, and two betas make a beta. Got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll go Omegaverse genetics. I respect the effort put forth. I feel like this is the kind of thing that would only happen on the internet. You know, no modern publisher would accept this work. No modern scientific journal. They turn their backs on it despite the research clearly done for it. The internet is where there's something like this exists and I appreciate it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Soon to plug his own Twitter, Adam Kovac. No, no, no, I'm on that new thing. Um, what's the thing? Vero? Yeah, Vero. I'm on Vero. Vero only. Oh, wow. Me and Zack Snyder were the only two using it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. There we go. There's one PNG that's vomit without being vomit. That's not a PNG, that's a GIF. Well, he added PNGs. Uh, yea I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm the White House, uh, YouTube channel, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was, I, I feel- It's got 1.2 million views, bud! I, I guess, I feel kinda bad for the intern who had to put this all together. And it was like, someone's like, Hey little Timmy, we need you to make a video game montage. You got it! What the fuck? It's got like, watermarks from other YouTube channels. Yeah, I know, that's why-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, well, it just shows how little work went into this where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just so blatant that we're like, we're trying to make, we're trying to tell a message, we're trying to skew it. This is, you know, yellow journalism at its finest. It's like, let's, let's show the things that illustrate our point the most. When it's like, did you show anything from Journey? No? Okay, got it. So this is very biased and you just ripped them from other people. Sorry, move on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, what's wrong with killing nazis? Just gonna throw that one out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's cause they typed in head blowing up, but like, okay, a game in sniper elite where you are killing Nazi soldiers or a game where, uh, Wolfenstein, where the Nazis have taken over, uh, and have taken over the world and you're fighting back as like a freedom fighter and they're like, they're like, these are bad. They're like, terrible examples, White House.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sounds like a bot that's like summarizing something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah. A bit. It's always weird. Weird to read that stuff aloud. Yeah, yes. My favorite is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, the guy was already an asshole now he's just bigger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess trapping him out of bad play? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got these monkey brains, we wanna, we wanna kill each other. We do have these monkey brains and- We're trying to, we're trying to get rid of that monkey brain, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sad and morose, but it's like that, that's as long as people are on this planet, we're going to keep killing each other and ideally we could do it less and less and it's really easy to point at one thing and go, that's the problem. It's easy to go. Oh, kids are eating these little, you know, those, those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those little sacks, what are they in? The dishwasher detergent? Oh, Tide Pods. Yeah, they're eating Tide Pods. That's a problem when it's like, we already know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Way more people die from heart disease, uhm, smoking, all these things. But those things make a lot of money, and those things go back into the government, and there's a lobby system, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, obviously you don't wanna, you don't wanna hurt sugar daddy, so let's find something else we can go after. Video games, that's an unregulated thing, or self-regulated thing. It's an easy thing to go after, and this is a thing that a lot of people are passionate about. So it's very easy to get a lot of people riled up and misdirected, whether that's intentional or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, at this point it just feels very silly, or like we, we, like James said, we've had this conversation, we've looked at it, I've grown up with video games my whole life, I've become less violent as I've gotten older, and I still play very violent video games, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't carry that into the real world, I still have empathy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For human beings, that has not become desensitized, so I can't speak for every person out there that video games desensitize you to violence, but I know for me personally, they haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the, uhm, reaction to Columbine when you were in high school? Uh, oh. Like from your side. From me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're getting your masters. He's trying to imply you're old. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When someone's going through a time when they're like an adolescent, when their emotions and all their feelings are at an all time high and low, when they probably need someone to talk to the most. I'm not saying that's a cure all, but it's definitely like, that's a step, right? Something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Combine, Parkland, there was the, what was the? Sandy Hook? Sandy Hook, I mean, there's too many to count now, which is really depressing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The problem is it's far too profitable to kill each other right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, war makes money. Selling guns makes money. Selling really bad food makes money. These little, you know, putting- That's the American dream, baby. Yeah, I mean putting toxic substances in our body, whether it's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A pill, uh, alcohol or, um, you know, tobacco or whatever it is, it's far too profitable. It's human suffering is a business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as long as there's people to capitalize on it, capitalize on it, and there's people who are, A, uneducated and unable to get an education because they're also poor, we're all...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that's kind of the core that needs to change. And that's probably going to be hundreds if not thousands of years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I mean that's far too big for me to even think about. This is all stuff I'm not gonna see in my lifetime, but it's symptoms that we've been dealing with for thousands of years and it's continuing. Now it's just in a suit and tie. It just looks nice instead of uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a dude in a three piece suit who's smiling to you as he, he, you know, ruins your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, paint chips or whatever. We all agree, like, don't do this, it's dumb, but there's a group of people like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and we're like, hold on, wait, wait. We're, we're, we all agree, killing each other is bad, we're all, we're all on the same page, we're with you there. But then they're like, but what if this, what if bears are causing it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Why the hell is this coming? Like, it feels like they're just pulling something out of somewhere, and then we have to sit down like adults talking to a child, even though this child is 85 years old, and explaining to them, to this senile grandfather, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because you're old and scared and you don't understand this thing doesn't mean it's the root of the cause of all this bad stuff happening. Unless you're being really smart right now and you've just created, you're just the David Copperfield of the White House. It's just the best misdirection I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most, uh, cohesive argument I can make, or the most sound I can make why video games do not increase violent behavior is because people tend to get violent. This is just my, my view of the history of the world. People tend to get more violent when they're bored.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or when they have, not so much board, but they have less to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, or they have less distractions. So if you're, if it was 1932, we'll just say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you didn't have distractions like shows and D&D game nights and video games to play and all these other things. And there was someone who was causing a wrong in your life or you, there was a cause.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're probably more likely to go fight for that cause, cause you just had less distractions in your life cause it was like, what am I gonna go sit around in my house without air conditioning? Fuck that. I'm gonna go yell at someone and beat someone up cause I'm gonna die in five years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I imagine, also, I mean, everyone's experience is anecdotal, so that person who you've been arguing with for three weeks probably had an experience where he had cool dad, or, uh, you know, lazy stepdad, and he's like, GTA, whatever, just play because I don't want to raise you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this is easier. And this kid's like, see, it doesn't, yes, it doesn't work. It's like, well, you just had a shitty childhood. Yep. Cause no one loves you. So now you're yelling at Lawrence online cause that's all you really have to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, at the end of the day, if you're a parent and you just give your child an unlocked computer and give him free reign to do whatever he wants, that's, that's your fault. Yeaah. And they're like, how would he get on Steam and get through all this stuff? It's like, well there are parental locks and there are things around that. Or, you could just, I don't know, raise your goddamn child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where does it stop, you know? Like, that stuff's scary. It's very scary. Yeah, when they're like, the government's like, hey, this, uh, this Black Panther movie's got a little too many messages in it. Let's, uh, let's scale that back, you know? It, it starts to get into that sort of territory. Like, it's not, I think kids are getting a little too many of these freedom ideas. You know, these free speech ideas from your, your weird movies. Like, I don't, I don't think the government needs to be involved with that sort of stuff. It just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say how many people slow down on the freeway to see an accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That corrupt group. I wish, I mean, I think it needs self-regulation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Within the self-regulation, but that's a whole other thing. But I'd rather it be that than the government coming in, being a bunch of old people who don't understand a thing going like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what this rating will be now. I'd rather it be, I'd rather we act like adults and make adult decisions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It should, that's, there's a really good movie, uh, was it, you've seen it right? Yeaah. This film's not yet rated or anything. Yeaah. And they talk about how corrupt the NBA is. Uhm, I don't think the ESRB is that bad. Last I've heard the ESRB is actually pretty frickin' thorough with the way they do things. And they're actually, I think if anything they're understaffed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a symptom of such a larger issue, and it's- it's us. Wait, how did- Wait, just clocked him in the face with a sword. Hold on, wait, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was no Twitter. Yeah, uhm, I was gonna say, uh, on, I was, I had a retort from my own point of what I was saying, like, people are less violent today because we have more distractions. I still feel like we have so many distractions that I think it actually makes us a bit more, I think it allows us to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I use video games as an escape all the time. Yeah, I watch Battle Chess streams all the time. 30 minutes. I don't know, like- Been five moves. I was- James and I were just at the gym, and they have the elliptical machines that are over the TVs, and I was just going through like the four channels I got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of them was just like, fatal bus accident, everyone's dead, everyone. I'm like, next, like, I'm just going to turn it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, that's sort of what I do with a lot of things, and I- to a fault. Where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people, you know, they always ask us, what's your opinion on these things? And it's like, I honestly puss out more than I, I guess I should. I don't know. I, I feel like I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't really make any big changes because yeaah, I'm not in government.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I don't, I honestly a lot of times feel like my vote doesn't even matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and it's so much easier to play a game of Overwatch than it is to go march in the streets and fight for something and just go, okay, I guess I'm just gonna pretend the president's king and that, uh, you know, senators are his knights, you know, like, we're just gonna run this place like a monarchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's so much easier to play Shadow of the Colossus. It's hard, it's hard to live it, for sure. Um, that, that's what I think, I think the government should be being like, yeah, play more video games, they're great, cause they're just gonna keep distracting the youth from actually inciting any sort of change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dagger to the throat. I think I was in high school and I had concept for an idea where I'm like, I wanna make like an action short film.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Black, black mirrored it, there's also some short films where people have done that where they, they, there was like this one where these guys play like a VR game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Black Mirror ended up doing like an exact episode like this, but it's revealed that the guy's controlling a robot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he thinks he's in a video game shooting alien bugs, but really he's in like Saudi Arabia murdering like innocents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they, they did that in, uh, they did that episode of Black Mirror where they put the augments in the soldiers to make them think that they're killing these monsters when it's like- Actually gypsies. Yeah. Is that what it was?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would rather be less shaky. You know, just knock me out. But no, I know, I know it's more than that. Just kidding. Don't tweet me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I like about this, I feel really bad for audio listeners, but uhm, if you could see right now, it looks like- WHAT?!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like a really bad version of Shrek. Yes. On like on skates though. She just got the big trouble in Little China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're more creative. Yeaah. That's a lie. Sorry. Ed Boon's a genius.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, once again, to dispel, dispel, dispel, dispel the myth that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Games are violent or anything like that or they cause violence. Look at Ed Boon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine he would just be the most pleasant man to talk to if you didn't know what his job was. And then you'd probably go into his office and it's just pictures of corpses and weird tongues being cut in different directions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you can indulge in the fantasy of violence and not partake in the, the physical form of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they were terrible. We are kings more so today than they ever were. I've gone on this rant before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I kind of. Totally. Whatever, I- You can buy a bag of truffle salt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I guess, sorry, I was getting it. Try hard, try Hex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is the tryhard thing, okay, so it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, here's the thing, I totally understand, I just wanna hear you explain it, cause it's, I, I love the madness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's almost, it's almost more of the worst kind of racism, where it's someone not being overtly racist, where it's like, thank you for being clear, they're just, they're so racist that this is funny to them, and that this is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friends of many different cultures who make those, those racist jokes about themselves. Like I've seen, like, I don't want to get into it too much, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have like, I grew up with some Filipino friends and I have Filipino friends now and they always, they make the joke when they drink too much alcohol that their cheeks get red and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not my place to go like, haha, let's laugh at that sort of thing. And I know you could like, I don't get offended if anyone makes fun of me for being a boring white dude who enjoys a baloney sandwich, you know, that's like, okay, yeah, rip, rip on me or whatever. That's that's fine. So it's like, I don't, it's like, like you said, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you can condemn a whole group of people and be like, all of Twitch is racist. It's just a racially insensitive thing that they do, but as a professional, you should not engage in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can sit there and go, look, it's harmless fun, it's everyone having a good time, whatever, no one, maybe someone's getting hurt, I don't know, it's however they view, they choose to see it, but when you're representing a bigger group, especially when it's a game that's about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like a- A lot of cultures. Yeah, it's a perfect society, world, where cultures and sex and uh, genders and robots don't mean a thing. You know, it's all one world, like, okay, that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe think about your career before doing something like that. I could, I, I see the problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a weird thing too, which I guess, I guess the Overwatch League can be kinda faulted for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, from the looks of it, the Overwatch League and other, some other leagues, they want to be considered like an NFL team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or a, you know, an MBA or something like that. Which, once again, this always goes to my problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when your name's, uh, whatever, Charlie Smith, you're not, and you're playing basketball, you're, you're Charlie Smith number 42, you're not Cunt Slayer 420.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever you chose to be, it's like, there is sort of this weird disconnect that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think as long as it's ingrained in sort of internet culture, it will probably never be taken seriously. I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] E-sports people are just sort of a vacuum of personality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's every, you know, you're right. Every sports interview is nine times out of ten the same of like, yeah, our team did the best we could. We just got out there, let our hearts out. We did what coach said, and then it's 50-50 if they're going to say, and then we won, or we lost. It's always the same, unless, yeah, you're like an Ocho Cinco or like a, you're some sort of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ...personality that people grass onto, you know. Dennis Rodman, good example, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I not fullscreen this? What if you, uh... Nope. What if you got on set and Scott Atkins went...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, got the script, love it, everything's great. I'm gonna kick your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was in this like, Little Indie Darling, last year, did you guys see it? Rogue One, I think it was called? He had this small part, he was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, what are you thinking? Uh, what's the guy's name? The, the man, the billionaire? Jack Ma. Jack Ma. So, what I, what Jack Ma did here today, was he, uh, masturbated in front of all of us, and did it in such a classy way, that if you don't look carefully, you don't see it. But he is, he masturbated all over me, and I loved it, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I give it to Jack Ma, cause that's the most internet thing to do, is to jack off onto someone's face without them even realizing it. I respect that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I'm not really impressed by the video, I'm impressed at the lengths that he went. I mean, when you have the money though, you just write a single check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as we can keep it about simple things like climate change, race, and politics, uh, all things that we're experts in speaking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna die when it's fine. Let your Tesla run you over. It's cool. You don't deserve this planet


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Starts with a Roomba, man. It'd be syringe. And then, yea, before you know it, just like, what's, what's happening? It's just the car going shhh, as it puts the pillow over your face, and sleeps with your wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a weird thing, I guess, to compare it to something like walking out of the theater of Terminator 2, and then a month later they're like, there's more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I'm like, but I feel satisfied in what I did. So I guess I'm just not that, I'm not die hard enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To go back for, that's just how I, that's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm good. I was going to say I want to be the other woman from Frozen, but I can't remember anyone else. Is it Anna?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, yeaah, maybe you weren't here Bruce, but it was like, it was a super family friendly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I think Lawrence, you were saying it's like just made by a robot, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, what we did know was at the end of the tape someone had recorded pornography. Like someone's parent. And we got to the end and it was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause then you're like, cause, with kids. It's kids, yeah, it's like, there really is no second chance, like Nickelodeon...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With us growing up or Cartoon Network or anything, could not have aired, you know, a leather face film or something and go, oops, sorry, it got past the filter. They would have been shut the fuck down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, I don't know, it's the same situation with like adult swim, you know? It's like, kids shouldn't be stumbling into adult swim, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be nice if we could put our video back up because it had like 2 million views. That'd be nice. Uhm, and just not call it frozen and not put frozen on the thumbnail. I'm okay with that. Yea, it's weird. Bruce was saying it like it's just gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we still get in trouble for, uh, implied. Oh, absolutely. You know, it's like, it's really funny how, how far censorship has come because now censorship is almost risque and it's, it's like, ooh, they bleeped that word. They can't show that, like, but we bleeped it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just see the word fetish and go, well, it's bad. It could be an educational video of like, fetish explained. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess we should just do more research on pornography websites and whatever they have as tags.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, fisting, uh, what is it, cum dumpster, dvda, cream pie, these are all like things we can't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not 100% for, uh, manual curation of, uh, online content that's on demand, but when it comes to kid stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, licensed content, they're just, they're getting it for free.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was always, that's how it always was whenever there was a TrueView video, uhm, whenever there was like a, an ad deal, and we're like, why does this video have 4 million views and 3 comments?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then yea, like two, two and a half thumbs up, four thumbs down, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's funny how like, and I think people eventually caught on because those sales things go through and go, look at the number.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, I'm not saying this is a solution or anything, but it's like, this sort of, like YouTube kind of saying like, this is how you would, like, end the war on drugs. It's like, people want it, give it to them!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In fact, create a system that gives them more of it. So it's like, we have, like, imagine if, like, the U.S. government in the 1980s with Pablo Escobar came out and they're like, we have discovered that humans love cocaine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get my, my, uh, I agree with you, Lawrence. I feel like this is a system that's, what? Nah, isn't that the art from that X-Men?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't someone going, you know who needs content? Kids. Like I think things like Sesame Street at least came from a place where someone said we should make an educational thing for children that they can watch that isn't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's like, it's live action, but it's cartoon friendly, and so. Exactly. Yeah, it's like, there's actually like, a soul behind it. Whereas this one, they said, we'll make a robot that can make us so much fucking money. Oh shit!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's putting a little too much faith in our robot overlords.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm sure they dealt with that since day one and they're probably pulling their hair out like, I just, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know that no matter what YouTube does or any other platform does, it's never perfect. Because if it was, it would fire their entire engineering staff and there wouldn't be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Job postings for new, you know, hires to improve the system.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's sort of YouTube's overall mantra ever since the Viacom thing. They're basically saying like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't sue us. You gotta go after the content creator. We are just the platform. We hold no responsibility for that. That is the term of service you agree to when you sign up or you watch a video on our site.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is the thing I didn't even realize. Kids don't know what fucking year it is. That's true. They don't know when shit came out. They just know that there's something moving at 24 frames a second in front of them. So you as a parent can curate your own content. There's so much to choose from. And that's like, you can be your own TV. Parent TV. A century's worth of content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very intense, yeaah. Close the game. How many threads of your CPU have? Not enough, that's the answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about, uhm, like, uh, Melissa McCartney? Oh, yeah, cause she's normally fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, she's a gamer, okay. Got it, understood. The random seems to go to like gaming YouTube channels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the weird thing is that we're on day two of this, right? Yea, there's only two. And I've not heard


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually a good example of that is the walking dead thing James and I just did. That was the sales thing that came to Funhaus where we were like, we would never play a mobile game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's Tuesday the real stream? Tuesday's the real stream. You know how the Oscars do that where they do like the technical awards and stuff but you don't see that, they just, I think they just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, one of the other categories, sugar pine loss, was best editing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I haven't watched a lot of his stuff, but I saw one where he was like snowboarding and he had a drone, which was like, the drone should win that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That they're pulling from, so like, so there were some guys who went up there for like best costume designers, like, something fun house, not our fun house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, maybe. I don't know. I'm curious because my new order is coming in so I forgot what I got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we start the show with an applause for Bones? We should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which even the letter specified that it's lucky. They're like, horseshoes are normally lucky. But in this case...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, but that sounds distracting. It may be, yea. I dunno. Whatever you- whatever you guys want. I'm voting for Yono. I'm abstaining. She's my favorite beat-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time it's cheap. So it's your fault. Car was expensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so Mario can control one Goomba. Yes. But then the other Goombas can wear other Goombas as a hat? Is that how it works? That appears to be the case. Or perhaps Goombas are naturally inclined to stack on top of each other. Or is their central nervous system so simple that you can access their brain stem just straight up through the top of their head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they're scared. That makes sense. That's good attention to detail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I think he's, I think he's already an above average games journalist. He came back with something, number one, and he only left kind of early.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you at any point express verbal disgust with the fact that there were no snacks to someone working there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can honestly say that probably my favorite Mario memory was when Lawrence went to an event. He came back with footage, but it was only about 3 minutes and 45 seconds of footage. I remember that. And so I was like, what the hell were you doing all day? Oh, I was sitting in a car waiting in line to capture 3 minutes and 45 seconds of footage of Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I remember going to an arcade and playing the other one. The one that just looked like Donkey Kong. The one that's just Mario Brothers? Mario Brothers, where that was my first Mario memory is I also played most of the stuff in an arcade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I would play, I would play that game, and then I would also play Popeye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea. Cause they had the awesome Popeye game too. Uhm, but uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it was, and then it eventually got a Nintendo, and then that, then that's, I didn't play cabinet Super Mario Brothers until way later, in like a retro arcade. But, yeaah, it was, I played that one, so. You guys, you guys know Bruce, right? Heard of him. Never actually seen him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big success, big success. As I've lamented before, my only complaint about more recent Mario games is that they actually put more work into them. There you go, Lawrence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is very, and that's the end of the clip, uhm, is kind of cool and I like that about the 3D Mario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the only problem is that this is a, we live, we at the very least live in a rental society, where we don't own our own homes because it's too expensive, and so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the thing though, here's the thing to your point, you can eat stuff and then you can smell it in your sweat sometimes. It like sweats out of your pores. So is it reasonable to believe? I just don't think that that's a straight shot to the digestive tract.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most of, most of your poop is shit. Or is blood and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause she's better than us? Well, I mean, she's also like 4 foot 3. Like, 67 pounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think, I think the controversy over this is people are underestimating how tiny Ariana Grande is. She's very small. She is really small. She's like, you ever see, uh, the American Horror Story season with a little person? A little tiny, like tiny person?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, that's not a kid. That's a 33 year old man. That's an imperative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what did he- why was he apologizing for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it's on the main dragways and uhm, we have over the last maybe 8 or 9 months


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I acquired a bit of a camp town. There's a small grassy knoll that has become somewhat of a camp city for people who have fallen on hard times and or people that just like to camp and, uh, and so, you know, you just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they do, most of the time you don't see anything, you don't see anyone there, you just see a bunch of tents. But sometimes, when you're like me, you're walking Benson, and you walk around a corner, over towards kind of the camp city, and uh, a man comes up to you, who I, like, you can pretty much identify, he seemed...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of, out of it, somewhat. He comes over to me from another man and he's also wearing, like, a, uh, construction vest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the problem? And now as he's talking and realizing this is not a construction man, he goes, he goes, there's a girl, and she climbed into that big red bin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a donation bin, I don't know, in the city sometimes you'll see donation bins, they'll be in parking lots or large empty lots where you can just take your old clothes, throw them in there, someone will come pick them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometime, I don't know, I've never actually seen, I've never actually seen any person go there and pick up any of the clothes in it. But you can take your clothes there and the idea is then they get picked up at some point and then they get taken to a donation facility. Better than throwing out clothes. Uhm, and so you got someone, there's a girl in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's, and she's stuck in there. Can you call 911?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he would, he was talking to another man at the time but the other man seemed not interested and was on his phone and was not


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess a homeless person and, and he was like, he doesn't want to do it. He said he doesn't, he doesn't trust me or he's ignoring me or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, oh, oh my god. Uhm, well, before I call 911, let me see if I can help. Uhm, and let me make sure there is an emergency, and it's not just, uhm- Prank! A prank! Maybe I don't want to make sure I'm getting pranked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I cross the street with Benson over towards the red bin in a hurry, and as I'm hurrying over there, he shouts after me, and be careful, she's got a knife! Okay. But I'm undeterred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I go over to the bin and then I, I like, knock on it and I go, hello? And then there's nothing. You go, is there someone there? And then I hear, yes? And it's like a grown woman's voice from inside this bin that closes shut at the top. You go, uh, are you okay? It's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just climbed in here. Oh, do you need help? Do you need any help getting out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I just, I had to get some new clothes, and uh, and I needed a place to change, and so, I came in here, I was like, oh, are you gonna be able to get out? Were you, were you like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't ask her about the knife. I go, are you able to get out? And she went, yes, I'll be fine. And I was like, okay, uhm, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what to tell ya cause you can't contact me if you end up needing help. So like, okay, uhm, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should probably get out soon just to make sure you can. And then I cross back the street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, but eventually this woman did climb out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was wearing the most beautiful gown, uh, you'd ever seen. No, but she climbed out. But then the thing is the other guy who was like, please call 911, was just standing there, didn't seem to give two shits about any of it. So he sounds like an instigator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He really liked that. Yeah. No, my takeaway from it was literally me thinking, well, at least I do know now that someone is using those clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was like, how the fuck is she gonna get out of this thing? But I guess she wedged herself into the halfway point of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder, I don't know anything about the inner workings of this company. I don't purport to know anything. But I always wonder situations like this, because the scores were compared to like EA. EA and Ubisoft, yea. And Ubisoft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if because those are bigger, more comprehensive companies, it's more likely that you would have positive experiences from working there to pull up as opposed to maybe a smaller company where the developers


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make up a larger portion of it. I feel like developers are more likely to have a really shitty time


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, or I mean just the idea of a really large company like Ubisoft having developers working on a AAA game as opposed to a smaller, more independent company like CD Projekt Red having developers working on a AAA game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is making a lavishly, vast-based comedy video. Feels contrived to me. Is that hard nettin'? I don't know. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't know if it is. Got some Dijon. He puts like, vinaigrette on everything? Yea. Well that's what you do when you cook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little more overt and complex than How to Basic. I feel like How to Basic...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's done a good job, I think he's, he's started something, he's perhaps on his way, which this video went up January of this year. Uhm, is this another one of his videos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, for the record, personal messages do not better your odds of remaining at the top of the hard net and charts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I- I think he's onto something. He's onto something, he gets a comm- commendation. Okay. But I don't think I can give him the title. There's commitment. There's certain commitment that's lacking. Got it. And when you're on episode 663 of your own personal talk show of dad jokes, to me that's hard enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I've been doing that at the end of things jokes for about three years now. That's true, yea, absolutely. I only have six or seven jokes, and I reuse them all the time. That was my nickname in high school, that at the end of something, and then something else, I don't know. Oh, you have two. No, but I got other ones too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think George Lucas is that same way. I think he loves movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't get too in-depth into what about the filmmaking process he loves about it. You know, he's not a, I don't think he's a Christopher Nolan type who scrutinizes every single detail. He just goes this is, which is a big thing when the prequels came out and they were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to, uh, welcome to the highest AAA laced out, biggest, beautifulest, most expensive video game bowl of dude soup you've ever played.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna be talking about Dude Soup, but right now Bruce is a lovely fox, frolicking through a field. You see, I'm a fox. We're playing, uhm. Uh oh, I already glitched it. I already forgot the name of this game. The first tree. The first tree! Uh, even though we're going to soon be talking about Destiny, my name is Lawrence Sontag. Welcome to Dude Soup, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the man who was sweating bullets thinking we might be talking about... Fruitful Art Games, yea. Uh, Funhouse's number one pure boy, Jacob Fullerton is here. Pure boy. He's stro- struck a pose for... This is not Destiny. You are, you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The person who already broke a fox. What? A frolicking fox into gamebrew screen. What? Oh look, I'm a fox. There is now a gyrating fox trying to live itself into a log. I'm a fox. He's a fox. He's free. He's never been more free. Thank you for joining us on today's podcast where we will not be talking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Issues of deep and spicy racism. Uhm, well maybe. The day is young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who knows what could happen? This podcast is brought to you by two very fine sponsors, Dollar Shave Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And movement. For a limited time Dollar Shave Club is giving their starter pack away for five dollars. Uh, that's got a load of delicious treasures in it. Uhm, but don't eat them. Uh, and I will show those to you in a minute. They are laid out in front of me as though I am some sort of Roman Caesar and this is my banquet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you can also get 15% off your movement order, that is a watch, by going to movement.com slash dudesoup. We'll hear more about those offers later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First, boy, Destiny 2 is swell, huh? Actually, wait, no, we need a banter. That's how this goes. We do? Yea. We gotta warm up the audience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were very Star Trek in that they were dead on about some things but way too wrong about others and not all at the right time either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I drove my car and I ate food and I wore clothes. Yeaah. Yeaah. Being adults are fun. And then you mysteriously have a home office for some reason. That's the best. I bought a breakfast nook. Yeaah. Or a shitter. My initial exposure to Destiny 2 has been kind of funky. So... You playing?