[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a way to actually measure it though. Uhm, weigh yourself before and after you jerk off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be great if you lost a pound. That'd be cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh I see, this is junior best film ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was like a Japanese, like Swedish knife thing. Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean at that point it's just a NVIDIA Shield tablet, which nobody bought and I own and I hate, but I use begrudgingly. I've never


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So are they aware that like there's something obviously amiss? Yes and no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it is, uh, if there's a human element in which they're, you know, kind of, uh, curating what is going to go in that slot, it'd be great to know what they're, if YouTube laid out, like, here's our criteria. If they were a little bit more transparent and gave us that information, or if they said, well, we're looking at metrics where we're seeing, you know, the, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If we're seeing a video that's, that's not really having that many views, but its views are accelerated, we're seeing them come in really quickly, and that's what we're doing to determine it as trending. Or if it's just we have taste makers that are saying, this is a video that we think is going to go viral, blow up, and, and they are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to that point I feel like YouTube already has said these are the best practices for YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without YouTube, the creators are worthless. Yea, it's a symbiotic- Well, to a degree, because you have a free platform where you- YouTube is the tool in which you can say, I want to become a personality entertainer, etc.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean if YouTube is changing their platform in any way, like we always say legitimizing it to an extent or trying to maybe like just narrow their focus in some way, I mean that's essentially just adapting with any changing form of media, right? Like it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be in a lot of websites sort of took that hit, like game trailers, where I used to work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was definitely a big, uh, you know, hit to game trailers for YouTube to come out and say like, well we're a platform where developers can just host their own channels and publishers and yeah, we don't need you to host our videos anymore because even like specific games have their own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] channels. So I think it's just, it's still adapting with whatever direction it goes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you think then that the people that are finding themselves unsubscribed might be misidentified as subbots?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think for like channels that do external ad deals and stuff. That is much more important. Then you're like, well I have, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying it comes down to directors as well. Like Guillermo del Toro showing up in the movie. You're not going to be excited for a movie in a franchise where it's like a whole new production team. Maybe you'll be excited if, you know, what's coming back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And yes, it may have looked like a trailer for a movie, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And from what he recently, you know, released Metal Gear 5 and PT, it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The saddest announcement that I kinda like, not even announcement, they, Danganronpa 3 is coming. Yea it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it reminded me that, that Danganronpa...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reloaded, or whatever, reload, they're releasing 1 and 2 on PlayStation 4 in March. Oh they are? Yea, and they just gave a release date for that, so I was like, oh, I totally forgot that those are coming, and I'm happy about that coming to PS4.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In their defense, Windjammers was voted by the community as to get a remaster. But the Danganronpa, so that's not member berries, they were only on like Vita and now they're on Steam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tweeted a tweet today where I called it Last of Us, comma, and then TOO, like two, and then Shuhei Yoshida tweeted at me, and he just said part two Roman numeral. Oh yea, they're correcting people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was actually thinking about that because Firewatch got nominated for a lot of game awards, and I was sort of wondering to myself, because it's a good game, but I didn't think it was like that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what it was too, and it also sort of came out at a time where, to my recollection, there wasn't that much else. And I feel like probably a lot of people in the industry got to that game because there wasn't much else. It was a bit of a dry spell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just as an enjoyable art, I really, really like cinematic game trailers. I really, really like the emotion they invoke. And like, it's cool to see gameplay, but, I mean, you'll get both, is basically my opinion on it. But I really, really enjoy a good cinematic game trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't Uncharted 4 have like an E3 demo or something where it like skipped at the beginning? There was one where it fell through the floor or something. Cause now there's always like the lore that developers put in those little like, they do like little glitches so that way people are like, oh it's a real demo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite thing is that I'll come in and I'll talk about a game I'm really excited for, or that I'm playing and I'm excited about, and Bruce will go, wait you collect orbs? How many platforms are there? And I, every time, I always want to tell, I always want to be like, no, no there isn't, but there always is. There always is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna talk a little bit about the history of Nudity and console gaming specifically, because we, as a channel, demo disc is like anything goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we play a lot of games that have nudity in them. We played this strip club simulator last week that was like, we were trying desperately to avoid the nudity. Uhm, but in terms of console gaming, like, there was sort of a tipping point when the God of War franchise came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we are live currently. Eh, or are we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know the answer. That's called engagement, baby. Uh, Adam, watchdogs? You guys wanna talk about watchdogs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was the human age expectancy is getting older. So actually like, you know, people say the thirties of the new twenties and the forties and thirties and that type of thing. I mean, like I've noticed that that people are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, they could be more, like, more unemployment in, I guess, 18 to 25 younger males or whatever, but I feel like, I'm not saying it's acceptable, I'm saying that maybe that's why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But those are like- Well, it's funny you say that because what you're saying is you're saying put more hard work at the front. And that's actually what people don't want to do. I think that's what this article is pointing towards. They want to skip right to that. Is that they want to skip right to the success. Yeah. I can't tell you how many times I've had the conversation with people that have asked me about YouTube or I mean like just in my life in general, which is always like, well, I really like teaching, but I don't know how to get started. And I'm like, okay, so where's the nearest high school? They're like, I want to be a high school counselor. I'm like, great, perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, where's your nearest high school? It's down the street. Uh, what jobs can you apply for? Uh, I can apply to be a receptionist, but I don't want to do that. Like, apply to be a receptionist there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do that. See where it takes you. See if you, if you go there, you like the system, you like the people around you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See what happens. Because you'll get a year of experience under your belt and you can move on somewhere or you can stay there and see where that career path sort of branches you and it's less about talking about what you like in your passion and more about doing. Go out and try things. That's the, I feel like that's almost the number one thing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're valued. They're really valued and also they take hours and hours and hours of practice. So like you're not, you know what, you're not going to a job and welding for four hours and then leaving. You're welding at home. You're welding in college. You're probably welding in high school. Like it's like one of those things where you did all along and you're like, I really like welding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you've been doing it for hundreds and hundreds of hours, uh, and that's one of those things that I feel like this article


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe, like, there are a few kids, obviously the cream will rise to the top as it always does, and if there's one guy that's played video games for hundreds and hundreds of hours, and also knows how to edit videos, eventually that might pay off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if there's one dude that's like, oh man, I love playing through Watch Dogs, played through it once, and then sat around for the rest of the week. Like, that's not the way to do it. He's spent so long playing video games and making videos that eventually it pays off. And we never talk about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst part about what you're describing is like with video games versus life is that I know that's the worst phrase in the world and I hated to hear it when I was a kid which was like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's life. And so what I started doing, and this is not a unique thing to me, which is I started establishing what I wanted to do in a year. So I'd like to tell myself, what would I like to do in a year?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would set forward, let's say, three or four goals that I thought were relatively attainable. If I attained two of them, I was like, great! So to me, that was like a video game. That's like, you are acquiring skill, acquiring knowledge, and also, you hit the goal that you set for yourself. Uhm, and again, that's not unique, this is something that's been around for- You gamified life. Thousands of years, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you had experience. And that badass character you had was awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They aren't very good at what to do. And Blizzard, those guys are, they're masters. He's talking about us. No, I'm talking about my co-workers. No, they are, they're masters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like, like I always say, it's 80% hard work, 20% talent. And they've got probably 30 or 40% talent. So like, they're way, way better than I think people give them credit for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Omar tried to give a ride and I was like, I was like, I didn't either. And I was like, and actually I was like, Lawrence will be fine. And as I went, Lawrence will be fine. Lawrence held up his hand to me. He was all, I'm bleeding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey buddies, how are you? Like you're my little Beth friend. Hey all you fun housers out there. My little, my little fun hoosers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know why I'm doing it. Because of what we're doing this afternoon. I don't want to be in pants. Fuck, I forgot. I noticed you were wearing shoes and pants. I brought workout clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like the kind of, uh, piece of equipment that they would sell on late night television. Yeah. And if you call right now, you'll get two of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't play either of the Quakes, so I was like, alright, I have no place to complain. And I don't really care that much, but I remember going like, this doesn't seem, this seems like a weird, one was like, like, the hell side of Doom, and then this is like, space? I dunno. I didn't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so it's weird, I had it in reverse. I knew who Stone Temple Pilots were, and then people would refer to a band, STP, and I didn't draw the connection, because that was a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I get that. Yeah, you don't- I had the thing too where you would see commercials for like best of compilations from like the late 70s, early 80s. And so it'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that, like, you know, obviously the audience, what you want is you want the audience to trade up, so like MTV is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched, it wasn't streaming, but I watched basically all of EVO.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By just, just finding it posted and I just put it on and then I would do something else. And then sometimes I'd just be listening to like, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is our Tommy Wiseau. Well, uh, what I think about is, what's that, Danger 5?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, like, they have a lot of- That's all Australian. Well, except they have the Russian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard burnouts sitting on the curb. And as I walked in, the dude was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well it lasts 10 minutes, but it destroys your perception of time. So like, it's weird to think about the brain always counting in the back of your head, but it is. So that way you're like, uh, it's probably been 30 minutes since we've been doing this. Sometimes it's 35, sometimes it's 45, sometimes it's 20. But at least it's in the ballpark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When, when that's going, you, you're like, this could have been, I, I don't remember how long ago it was that I smoked, I have no idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please let it go away. Salvia is, and I'm not endorsing it, Salvia is the opposite of inedible though. Oh. It's, it's, I'm going to inhale this, I'm gonna count to ten, I'm never gonna get there, and then it's gonna be over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's all a movie. The book itself is like an encyclopedia. Right, no, I haven't read the book. So there's like no narr- they're creating a narrative for the movie. Sure. And it's got Eddie Redmayne, so he'll probably look like he's gonna cry the whole time. A little like Bruce. Who's Eddie Redmayne? Jupiter Ascending. Jupiter Ascending. That's what I wanted to fucking do yesterday. Why's Jupiter Ascending?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they, the uhm, have you watched Beauty and the Beast recently?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's like a Renaissance painting that's just like immaculately done, but then the framework is like this gold, encrusted thing with lions all over it, and I'm like, too much, too much, just show me the art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That generally is the opposite. I think the big lie is that you can have fun when you aren't drunk. Stop lying to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that show, that show was great. Brought us Vanessa Angel. Better, better than the, better than the movie. Saying it. The television, the television show. Better than the movie. Wow, so brave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're talking about Chet, right? The older brother? I don't know. He went on to be an Oz. It's funny, because I watched Weird Science as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he plays the Bill Paxton character. Bill Paxton is the older brother in the movie, Weird Science, and then they got this other guy, who I'm sure you've seen around plenty, is the older brother in the TV show, and I watched the TV show, and then Oz came out,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a really, really good television before you were conditioned to really, really good graphic card television. Uhm, but yea, so then he falls in love with Christopher Maloney, but then it turns out that, that, like, Christopher Maloney, like, was brought in by the Aryans to basically fuck with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wasn't the story that he like tweeted out like, we're gonna make this game, we're gonna put it out there for everybody. You know, for the people that want it. And it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you really wanted to do that, you just drop it like it's hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, this isn't gonna get finished. They're never gonna be able to finish this. No one's gonna let them finish this. And at the time I was like, they're probably making two of every single asset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they put a beautiful woman on the billboard for this hair conditioner, they're trying to make you think that you will be that beautiful woman if you use that hair conditioner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Ice Queen Rage Princess or whatever, who used the wrong pluralization in her own username, was writing fanfiction about Twilight, and then eventually it gained enough traction that she was like, uh oh, I'm gonna change the names, and then she released Fifty Shades of Grey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because it was fan fiction. It was just, it was just fan fiction about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm so glad that I can't remember the main character, the girl's name from Twilight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're calling it Star Wars. Also, their production strategy is to literally mimic that has come before because people are dissatisfied with what is currently out, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think a big thing too is anytime you deal with an, I think you have a better, the companies have a better case, especially when it's an online service. Like, oh, like, if they want to do that and they want to play offline against bots or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you want to go online, now you're using their service, that's their money that's paying for those, those servers to handle your traffic and stuff like that, and so,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you're basically renting that time from them and if you rent a car you can't just crash it. It's not like, but I paid to use this car for whatever. You can but there's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you didn't, we didn't pay for you to crash it, like so, I think that's kind of a delineation in some things. I do think it's sometimes shitty though, if you, if it is just like a whatever single player game, you're not affecting anyone outside of your own ecosystem. I don't give a shit about that. I know you don't, but like, I'm sure there's some examples you can find where people are like, oh don't do that, don't do that, and it's like, fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's just a tiny webcam at the top and some voices over it. So that's the thing. It's only, in terms of digital space, it's only a handful of megabytes, really. That's changing, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying- No, they're playing devil's advocate. Yeah, we're just following the discussion through, that's all. Well, I think, I think that that's, but that's the whole point. That's why you set the precedent, right? That's why companies are so afraid of setting a precedent, because then it's not up to their discretion. Right now, this kind of industry, the industry we work in and what we do,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of up to our discretion if we think that this person is helping us or hurting us. And that leaves the power in kind of our hands and I think that's what a lot of companies are trying to maintain. They want to maintain that power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was looking into it and I guess the big thing is he's like, just outsource an assistant, like from India, and have them do all your bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think on a personal level too, I think probably in this room, I'm not gonna speak for everybody, but uhm, I think some of it too is like, kinda when we started doing what we were doing, obviously we were like, we wanna get into this medium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we don't want to make things that necessarily look identical to what's already out there, like the, who's talked, what is it, uh, I'm not gonna give him a shout out, but the kid that mimics


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, ugh, what a wasted opportunity. I understand you're trying to learn, you're trying to get better, but like, man, find your own voice. Like, there are a lot of people that I think, that tweeted us and are influenced by us, that like, I mean, the turbids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turbid, turbid, like, as much as I joke about him stealing our stuff, he genuinely tries to be influenced from, like, the content we make, but then make his own content, you know, in his own way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, who god love him, he tweets at us every fucking day. Oh yea, either. Uh, uh. J-Ry. J-Ry. J-Ry, yea. Jerry?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it? I don't know, I'm not sure. I say to you, I have no idea how to pronounce it, tweets this every day, makes more content than we do. I know, I was constantly making videos. Constantly making content, and like, I'll watch him, like, oh, he's trying to do like, his own thing, but he's influenced by us, and that's cool, and like, that's the kind of stuff that I don't think we'll ever be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, woah, J-Ry, like, hey woah, don't do that, like that's not cool, like, because it's like, it's like, that's kinda, it is kinda cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, but here's the thing, I totally get that, but this is, man, this is gonna keep going and going and going because like, you can go back a little bit further and be like, kids today, they're going outside, they're playing, they're scraping their knee. When I was their age, I was caught in barbed wire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is originally posted by someone else as a quote, Are you guys seriously trying to use the same hacks again after Blizzard added detection for them? That is asking to be banned. And then the guy replied to it with, Some people bragged here that they hadn't gotten hit by first whi- first bandwave. I've been ban hammered just now. Lucky me. Sad face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we talk about how after they finally got that trailer shit out, they, uh, they then had a band take the stage, which was basically a guitarist and a microphone singing along to playbacks of Sonic songs and everyone there knew all the lyrics. Like, I, there was a point where I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, before we get there, real quick. Just to cheapen what's to follow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. So we have to do it a different night. Friday. So Joel, why don't, um, why don't you, uh, I don't know if you prepared for this, why don't you share some of your treasured memories. Treasured memories! It's time to celebrate the good things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I'm curious about how you feel about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The development of your kind of on-screen persona. Because, you know, all of us, uh, especially coming from a non-performance background, something that I kind of learned is you have to take, you have to take the loud things about yourself and turn the volume up on them. Just so the audience can have a hook on you and kind of figure you out. And for you, it was being courageously effeminate. So despite- I've always been courageously effeminate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you know what, maybe we can use this as a moment to meet Joel the man. What do you do as an actual person? And it's kind of a bummer that we, you know, had to wait until you were going to leave to kind of- Well he tweets about it though. Yeah, I tweet a lot about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Please do. Uh, so if Joel is on the quest for an affordable but environmentally conscious car, perhaps you can join Luke Crate's quest


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm assuming it's that labyrinth, the David Bowie one. Harry Potter, History Channels, Vikings, and Uncharted 4. And I, I do, whenever I read this stuff, I kind of get in the mind of the person who has to come up with the theme, they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this offer lasts until the 19th at 9pm Pacific. Uh, also, uh, every Loot Crate apparently now includes a t-shirt and a loot pin, which is just like an exclusive pin they throw in there. So, uh, if you're, if you're into collectionism, that's a pretty cool thing too. Uh, once more, that's lootcrate.com slash dude soup in intercode dude soup for three dollars off new subscriptions. So thank you Loot Crate for your sponsorship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I couldn't get the problem to repeat. That's the problem. A repeatable problem can be investigated. A non-repeatable problem, you just have to guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ruby's pretty good. I started season two on the plane. Is it better? Did you download it on YouTube or Reddit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can break, good shit. Uh, they're not sponsoring this podcast though, so don't say that again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My new best friend Elon Musk. Well, we'll throw this in again at the end, but for the many, many fans of Joel Rubin, Joel, how can they follow your continued adventure?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there any ethnic adjective that you can only ascribe to non-people things, like oriental? Or is that the only one? I'm not gonna think about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the audience, uh, that's one of those quiet, like, I'm gonna say, Joel's a quiet hero, uh, because it's one of the things that means a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That really helps the content and helps us make things that are authentic and good. Uh, and also, you know, we, not, not to say that all integrations are bad because we have to make money, we're a business, but it is, it is definitely, you need that person to fight for you and, and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put their foot down when the foot needs to be put down. And Joel's been that person for us, and it allows the rest of us to do what we do, which is make awesome content in the right way. So, it's a thankless job, but thank you Joel Rubin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't have to. Their job is to sell and our job is to make content and this is how the system works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We need tampons now. More tampons. I almost bought a sanitary napkin at the airport the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, it's, uh, we're gonna have to get somebody up on the Joel Rubin anthology so that they can continue writing descriptions in your style. I know, I always wanted to release it as a book. So, the Joel Rubin Cinematic Universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I guess, Joel, speaking of your, speaking of your, uh, persona, and yes, all of your masturbation, uh, and, and, you know, feel free to stop me if this is a little too personal, but, did you run into any problems growing up in the south?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? It doesn't even matter. Cause they essentially, I mean- They work both ways. Let's, let's be honest, gross nerds. Don't reverse your underwear. Wash that shit and wear it in the normal way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, they're form-fitting, uh, they're, they're basically, they're, they're, man, they're new wave tech. Uh, Joel's, Joel's buying a new wave car, but you know what? You wear underwear more than you drive a car. True. So you should, you should... Sometimes you do both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you don't have to worry about that with Mack Weldon products. Uh, can't say enough good things about them, aside from I don't know which way is inside out on the underwear. Uh, but apparently we've come to a consensus that, and this is what I thought, uh, yea, the Mack Weldon tag goes on the out. But, then, I don't know, whatever, doesn't matter. Uh, please go to mackweldon.com slash soup and use code soup for 20% off your order, which is actually pretty generous, and it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's a flat 20% off. Usually there's, there's like, oh, first time orders only or whatever, free shipping. Nope. 20% off, anything you want. So please give them a shot. Uh, try out their shirts. We talk a lot about the underwear because we're very genital focused here. But, uh, the shirts are great. Uh, the socks are wonderful, so. Uh, please give them a shot. Again, that's macwellden.com slash soup and promo code soup for 20% off your order.


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[Assistant] Adam, you're having a good time. You're having a great time. Uhm, we should probably- Maybe we should go stock up on healing items, huh?


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[Assistant] It's all like iconography and stuff. Yep, figured out. And it's actually pretty well done at that. Yeah, it looks good. I can figure out most of it. So you get shots with your pistol back when you melee attack? Is that how it goes? Slash, yeah. Slash. Oh, cool. Okay. Yep. Pretty cool mechanic. Yeah, and they're layering on the stuff too.


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[Assistant] Well, uh, Joel, since this is a Joel podcast and Joel, Joel's a man of dreams, uh, I-


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[Assistant] This may, I guess you can talk about this in vague terms, but where are you hoping your career goes from here? What would you like to do? And we mentioned in the near term, you like to go and like fix things, so theoretically or I guess definitely you're moving on to something that you can kind of improve and help and get in the weeds and really fix up, but I guess in long term, where would you like to go? What would you like to be doing?


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[Assistant] When you, uh, so you're not invincible when you dash, you just move quickly? No. You're not. That's what I thought. But you flash! Sorry. I'm like the flat. So it's not like Dark Souls. Take that, game's journalism.


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[Assistant] We can have a margarita tasting. And watch bad movies.


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[Assistant] I drank a lot. I, for the first time in my life, I opted out of a night of drinking. That was weird. God, this is the fourth night in a row I can't, I gotta, also while we were shooting the next day and I get, I get super bloated. Yea, you are uppercut.


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[Assistant] Uh, no, I looked at weird pictures on the internet and worked on a sketch idea in my head. Which I'm pretty proud of. I'm gonna write that up soon.


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[Assistant] I was about- I was about 3 and I think I got out of pretty okay. Problem with me was I-


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[Assistant] But, you know, hey, I'm a professional. I kept it all in check.


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[Assistant] To like, welcome people to the family and, and just make shit cool. They didn't have to do that. They didn't have to make this cool live action sequence which you, hopefully you guys will see soon.


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[Assistant] We all are the same people. We're different, but now we're together.


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[Assistant] Well Joel, consummate professional, a dreamer, uh, a beautiful man, uh, an inspiration to all. A dreamer, dreammaker too. That's right, a dreammaker.


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[Assistant] Well, that's the same with every medium pretty much. I mean like, you know, a movie's good because of special effects and story. Like Warcraft. Like Warcraft, exactly. The perfect movie. Have you ever had a cake?


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[Assistant] But are you always dying or are you always living?


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[Assistant] Six, I wanna say. I mean, he must have had like a whole team behind him. Of course. Capcom obviously making Mega Man, so.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but it's weird. Well, but it's made, but everybody says it's made by the same guy that made Mega Man. That's weird. So it should be exactly the same thing. And they're not shackled to Capcom so it can be the greatest game ever.


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[Assistant] Well I, I backed, like, now Lawrence, all this conversation's got me thinking, cause the only thing I've ever backed, and I never ever back anything, is Mystery Science Theater. So, uh, when, when that was back, uh, it was Joel Hodgson, the creator.


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[Assistant] Well, it's Joel Hodgson, like, uh, you know, maybe it'll be as good as the original Mr. Science Theaters with Joel. Now, it changed hands from Joel to Mike, uh, halfway through that series, and Mike's not really involved with the Kickstarter. And people say that the episodes that were written, Mr. Science Theater episodes were written, uh, better when Mike was on and Joel wasn't there.


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[Assistant] So, I back this only because I was hoping that Joel would be able to hire better writers, and like, you know, obviously hired more different cast members and things like that. Didn't he get Olaf? Olaf who? From Frozen?


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[Assistant] I just, cause you just made me think about it. Uh, I had a planter's wart. Uh, you know what a planter's wart is, right? No. Basically it's, so it's, if you've seen like little finger warts, they're kinda little tiny warts. Planter's warts are giant warts. They're in the bottom of your feet, usually.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and what they are is you can't, they don't stick out of your feet, but they do end up taking the place of skin in your feet. So like I had one that was kind of just in the arch of my foot. It was around the inside of the arch of my foot.


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[Assistant] And, uh, plantarism warts are very, very hard to get rid of, too. They're really deep, right? They're very, very deep. They grow, they have roots in your, in your, uh, in your foot, like a tree. And, uhm, what you do is you go to the doctor and they, like, freeze them out, or they, sometimes, sometimes they laser them out, sometimes they just dig them out.


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[Assistant] Let's take a core. What does come out mean? Like plop out of your foot? It should just like almost fall out. Like basically if you get like a knife or something and start digging at it. I mean it's dead skin so just pop right out.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the riches die. It dies, but uhm, so I was, I, he froze it, I kinda dug it out and I got like, I dunno, I thought I got all of it out, and I was like, oh cool, it's all good. Uh, and like three days later, I, I notice it start coming back, cause it feels, it looks like a pimple at first, and then it just gets larger and larger and larger and black.


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[Assistant] And, uh, and I was like, ah, fuck. So, I played softball and like, worked out for like, I wanna say three months with this planter's wart, and it starts to hurt more and more and more. The more you run on it, the more you do, it just becomes something that's bothering you all the time. Uh, so finally, I...


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[Assistant] And I was like, alright, I'm gonna let it sit, cover it with a bandage, freeze it again the next day. So I froze it again the next day. Uhm, this is like after six months of having this thing. The third day I finally froze it one more time.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and finally I was like, okay, I think I got it. I think I got it. So I took a butter knife.


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[Assistant] Doug, underneath this wart, like, basically, like, uh, I'm trying to think of another, like, an analogy for this, where, like, you, you, basically you stick it underneath every side of it. Yeah, sure. So you start, like, basically prying open each edge. Like you're pan-frying something, yeah, like. Yeah, exactly, like you're pan-frying something.


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[Assistant] And, uh, I start digging underneath it, right, and it doesn't hurt, and I'm like, that's good, it doesn't hurt. Then you just put your hand, pop it. It's all dead. I kind of like, and I did, and I finally like,


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[Assistant] Kind of like got the last edge of it, pulled it out, and as I pulled it out, uh,


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[Assistant] It is noticeably a hole in your foot. So I pulled it out and I watched the roots.


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[Assistant] Like a tree's roots or like a tooth? It's root, like, it would, it pulled out and I saw strings of roots pull.


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[Assistant] And, uh, when I popped it out, it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. Cause it was finally this foreign object gone. It was like shitting out of your foot. It was like foreign object gone from my body.


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[Assistant] So Lawrence, do you have more? Cause I have another story. Alright, well.


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[Assistant] Sometimes you get a staph infection that manifests itself as pimples, uhm, on your body. And I'm pretty sure I got this from the ocean.


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[Assistant] And, uh, so I noticed that this cut...


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[Assistant] I was like, okay, well, uh, I'll, I'll, I'll, you know, like, wait a little bit, see if it fills back up. And it filled back up and eventually what happens is with these pimples, they, they don't, they become like, they're like penny sized and then quarter sized and then


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[Assistant] So you can feel the hardness of the pimple underneath your skin.


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[Assistant] And it always has this tiny little white hat on it. And I was like...


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[Assistant] Damn it, like what am I supposed to do? Because I knew it was a staph infection, I didn't have insurance at the time. And so I was like, I have to go to a clinic. Not in the rural country.


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[Assistant] I have to, not with the executive. American number one. I just knew it was going to be expensive if I did. So I was trying not to do it.


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[Assistant] And basically what I did was finally went to the doctor, showed him the thing, and he was like, oh, it's just a, yea, it's just an infection, uh, all you have to do is take these antibiotics. However, do you need to drain that bitch? Bingo. And he was like, we gotta drain it. And he was like, do you want me to do it or do you want to do it? And I was like, you know what? I want to do it.


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[Assistant] So, so what he was like, so I was like, how do I do it? He's like, well, what you do is you basically, you put your leg up and you, you rub off the tip with like a wet washcloth, basically a whitehead. Cause it's again, tiny little whitehead like pimple. And then you sit there and you push on it. And you push on it and you push on it and you push on it until you think you've emptied it out.


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[Assistant] So, I sat there and I pushed on it, uh, and it's kind of like unmentionable pain, like it's strange because you feel like a bitch when you're doing it. No, no, no. Why does this hurt so much?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Because it touches every nerve around there, like shoots through you. And so what he said was, he was like, push until you see blood.


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[Assistant] That's when you know you're basically empty. Uh, push until you see blood. So, I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and I pushed for about an hour and a half. Uh, on this, on this pimple that again was about this size.


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[Assistant] He's got a pan and a funnel. He's selling it. Five cents a pot. Oh, this is really cool.


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[Assistant] Little vile. Topical. That's kind of why I said it. And, uh, so I drained it, all good, took the antibiotics, everything was fine. Something happened about a year later.


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[Assistant] I don't know how it happened, but it happened and I got the same infection again. However. Same area? No. I got it.


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[Assistant] That's a perfect candidate for the doctor to handle it. No, I didn't.


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[Assistant] That's true. Legs apart, head under. Uhm, so what I had to do was I had to look at my butthole and see kind of where this thing was. Sure. And, uh, also there's a ton of hair. Oh sure. Uhm, that I have back there. So I had to bend over, find it.


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[Assistant] Kind of like dig at it a little bit while I was bending over. And eventually realized I couldn't do it on my own.


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[Assistant] No, no, I thought that I could handle it again, and it was kind of one of those things where you're like, I'm a man, I can figure it out, right? What's the big deal? And it just got worse and worse and worse, and I just couldn't sit on it. So eventually I had to ask her to help me out with it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was very beautiful. Wait, so it wasn't Angel and Jill either? No, they're not together.


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[Assistant] It's funny, cause, you know, if you think about it, that's your photograph, right? Yea. So, that photograph was taken by, I believe, Jess. That was Jess, yea. Right? And so she owns the photo, so they stole it from you, to promote you.


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[Assistant] Here's my only criticism of Greg Miller, the only one that I could ever make. A good heel has to go face. A good heel goes face, so that way when they make their heel turn again, it's that all the more dramatic.


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[Assistant] The best, probably the best face to heal transition was The Rock.


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[Assistant] The Rock did it. Because he was a bad guy, right? He came out as a good guy, but then he went as a bad guy, kinda made more of a name for himself, and then he went good guy, right? And he was the people's champion.


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[Assistant] He was a people's champion, who could be more faced than that? Right. Loved it, everyone had his catchphrases in there, and once he got the whole crowd like talking about his catchphrases and doing everything with him, then he, then he went bad.


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[Assistant] I almost, I almost prefer for someone to go, I'm really into Kinda Funny.


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[Assistant] I mean, it sounds like it's kinda like a Woodstock type situation, like here are a bunch of acts, things you might enjoy, feel free to take a taste of whatever you like, and if you aren't crazy about it, there's gonna be other stuff for you to focus on, or you can just hang out with the community.


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[Assistant] Different, I'm a tourist. I would say that maybe San Francisco is a little bit more urban-esque. Like Los Angeles is urban, but it's not as dense, like it's more spread out. People are insane in San Francisco.


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[Assistant] You can just smell the insanity. It's like New York, though. It's like, in terms of being on top of other people, it's kind of more like New York than it is Los Angeles. Los Angeles is populous and crowded, but it's spread out, so I would say, in San Fran's defense,


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[Assistant] That maybe they use CVS because there's no grocery store, full size grocery store, really far away and they're not gonna get in their car and leave their parking spot which they only have out of pure luck to go to a grocery store and get that store.


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[Assistant] So, has there ever been a drag show where two men dresses women and then they race cars down a quarter mile track?


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[Assistant] What was the, where did you go that had the little menu or whatever with the, the anime guy, like, pointing at a Asian girl's butt?


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[Assistant] He will do something and then you'll be like, oh, that's a cool trick. How did you get the card, uh, into the restaurant? How did you get it on the other side of the glass or whatever? And I go, magic, man. It's just magic. And you're like, no, no, no.


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[Assistant] How'd you do it though? And he's like, magic. And then you're like, alright, I'm gonna look it up on my phone. Oh, there it is. Oh, okay, so you had an assi- Oh, that guy must be the guy. He went around and he did that and he goes, no man, magic. He's like, I know you're not magic!


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[Assistant] I know that you do not have magical abilities, and I need you to just fucking chill out for a second, bro. Really chill out.


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[Assistant] I mean some of that is like his weird when he freezes himself ice shit. Those are just feats of strength. But when it's like magic, like it's not magic. It's magic. No.


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[Assistant] The trick route to Vegas. Don't go the conventional route. Don't follow the highways, my friend.


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[Assistant] There we go. It's a film that raises questions. Like all of the X-Men movies, do I find them to be refreshing in their existence because they are alternatives to the factory that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Yes.


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[Assistant] You should know that the character of Deadpool is probably like 10 years old or something. Oh, well that's right. Because the movie takes place in the 80s. Man, forgot about that.


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[Assistant] It was number one, I think it made like 60 or 70. Okay. So it's going to recoup and it's not going to be a disaster and they're not going to be like, oh, we're done. As far as to that, I think they're just kind of approaching it more episodically.


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[Assistant] This is why they rebooted it back to the 80s. So that way they could basically figure out ways to tell the major X-Men things again. Sure. So I, I think that they're kind of just gonna find another villain. And then they're gonna do another villain, you know.


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[Assistant] Which is kind of, which is kind of one of my problems with the movie, but what can you do?


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[Assistant] Oscar Isaac is great. Also, I love that they do as much practical as they can possibly get away with. They do so much practical costumes, practical makeup, and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] It ha- it's not perfect, but as I'm watching him going, I totally appreciate this because I can wa- I'm watching Oscar Isaac's performance in this. I thought- I actually kind of liked, uhm, Ultron. Cause of James Spader's voice. But something about the all CG character.


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[Assistant] I think that no one can have a wrong opinion on X-Men. That's why I like about it. That's kind of what it is.


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[Assistant] And say like, what? You didn't love every moment of Deadpool? Like, what's your problem? What's wrong with you? Or something like that. And I feel like certain, this movie doesn't really do that.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. It's filmmaking usually. Yeaah, I dunno. I, I, I was watching it thinking certain things about like, I wonder if Singer has to be making these now.


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[Assistant] I think it's, I think it's kind of also, I think a better, a good, a good, another example would be like, it's nice that DreamWorks exists.


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[Assistant] And I really think that these X-Men movies, if they continue to be somewhat successful, will make the Marvel movies better. And then those will force the X-Men movies to keep up. And then we'll get things like Deadpool, which are utter alternatives to those types of movies and stuff. I think they improve each other.


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[Assistant] So, this is, this ties really into, there's an article written by Devon Farachi recently about fandom, the current state of fandom. And it's getting like scary and violent now, like everyone is, in the article he basically says that like,


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[Assistant] Their individual perception of the creative works that are coming out and so like, like in Misery she felt, she's like, why would you kill this character? That's not what I wanted. Now rewrite it so that way it works for me or I'll kill you. Cause I'm so angry and so obsessed and so invested in it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that article also cited something, uh, an anonymous marine.


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[Assistant] Why the- by the way, one issue. No one knows what the whole plot arc is. It's just been one issue and no one really knows and it's a comic book and who cares.


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[Assistant] To hang his hat on anymore and thus I guess he might as well go out and try and kill this Marvel executive who was like...


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[Assistant] Over? It's not the game isn't cancelled, it's not you're never gonna get to play it, it's just- You gotta wait. Probably because they wanna make it better for you, you know, like, and I know it's, I want it now, I want it now, but it's not like you had it and they took it back.


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[Assistant] Everyone was planning on, maybe he already asked for time off work for the release date, but I'm sure you can ask your boss and get that time shifted, but it's the same with the Captain America thing. Everyone's upset about one issue.


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[Assistant] To be this angry because you don't even meet the qualifications. Like, people are saying like,


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[Assistant] Was that it? Or was it that something happened at the... I guess it said... No, that was it. And I remember being really confused.


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[Assistant] But I think that's how she found, I thought that was how she found a way to keep him in a stasis. By giving him... Peace. Peace. Hmm. I don't know that it was necessarily to bring out, like to make him feel terrible. I think it was more that like, here's everything he would want it.


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[Assistant] Platform compatibility, which Microsoft seems to be doing in spades.


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[Assistant] I'm always an advocate for style over, like, graphical impressiveness.


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[Assistant] But, like, style over fidelity, but, but I feel like I used to gravitate more to stylistic games.


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[Assistant] Cause I just thought that they could look good on their own merit. Like, Catherine, still to this day looks great just because it's that, that style.


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[Assistant] But, uh, for me, like, I would love to play Last Guardian when it comes out on a super-powered console, but I'm not going to get, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, like if it was like, we could play Overwatch, I could play on the Xbox One, and we could play together. Like, that'd be more beneficial for us.


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[Assistant] Here's some of the reasons, the games, Lawrence, that are...


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[Assistant] Sorry, so I need blue apron more than anyone, clearly.


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[Assistant] Okay, so I'm gonna say, get the Xbox One S if you have to, it's got mods on it too.


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[Assistant] But you gotta wait for Scorpio, that's where I'm coming around to. But in my case, we'll probably only get the Scorpio if I don't have a PC by then.


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[Assistant] You know what we do, like, we'll be on a plane together and he's got really, really beautiful headphones. I've got $12 earbuds that I got on Amazon that I had to replace because I dropped the first pair in the toilet. But he's got these amazing headphones.


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[Assistant] And he goes to sleep on the plane, and he's wearing his headphones, and I'm trying to listen to Mother's Day.


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[Assistant] I'll get a new PS4 when I can no longer play the catalog on the one that we have. That's the one I'll get.


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, like, we, you know, we all have, like, Nexuses, Nexus phones, which are like Type-C cables, and I think every day I'm like, man, am I gonna be the asshole that, like, two years from now, the rest of the world did not transition to Type-C cables, and then, just me.


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[Assistant] I just have to imagine that Microsoft has their own set of licensing procedures and they've had to tackle, maybe not the exact same, depending on what their wording is.


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[Assistant] I'm not so interested in all this controversy from the standpoint of what it's going to do to creators. I don't think it's going to change much of anything. I love looking at this stuff in the big picture of


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[Assistant] This is the, still the new frontier. Like we think, we think of YouTube as this thing that's been, it's been around forever. No, it's still so new in regards to the medium of entertainment as we know it in like the digital industrial revolution.


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[Assistant] How putting a solid state in your PlayStation 4 is basically a necessity at this point? Cause like Just Cause 3 and Bloodborne have crazy long load times. So you essentially have, it's, it's the new normal experiences to open up your PlayStation 4, replace some of the hard drives so it's a more enjoyable experience and I thought,


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[Assistant] Leaving you, no matter what you were wearing before, with assless chaps.


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[Assistant] So the idea is if you start a game, it sends a signal back to that farm saying, spool up me an instance of this game, and then it starts beaming it back to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, uh, I guess we can end on a slightly lighter note, I guess. So given this is the first RTX Australia, uhm,


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[Assistant] Joel, I knew this would be your shit. Harpy's fighting dragons. Rawr. Yeah! Do you know Joel? He's got a tramp stamp that's a dragon breathing fire.


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[Assistant] Uhm, when I started at Game Trailers, I was working on the TV show that was owned by Spike and ViacomGTTV with Jeff Keighley.


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[Assistant] And, uh, then I actually got laid off at one point.


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[Assistant] Uh, but then got brought back, uh, cause I had an awesome boss, uh. Who's your boss? Jeremy Hoffman. Oh yea.


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[Assistant] And that's when I started doing content for them, and uhm, and...


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[Assistant] Uhm, I worked on shows like Bonus Round, and I just kinda did a whole ton of shit, like I...


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[Assistant] Produced and wrote mandatory update with Ian and appeared on that as like a kind of SNL


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[Assistant] I did a little short-lived series, Ladies in the Lobby, and, uh, Tabletop Adventures, which is our Dungeons and Dragons show, which is really fun. Uhm, just, just a kind of a whole, like, smattering of stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, I'm really sad to hear the news too, and it was always the kind of thing where uhm, you know, after


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Viacom sold game trailers to Defy, it was always kind of-


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[Assistant] Expected that, you know, who knows in this climate how long this company could last.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I guess I wasn't expecting it at this time.


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[Assistant] Uh, like, you know, even at Viacom and DeFi.


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[Assistant] Uh, we would, you know, on mandatory update we'd do things where we'd show an exterior shot of the building and we'd have lightning striking down and ominous music because we thought that was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think like, and yea, if you're trying to be, you know, grassroots and seem appealing to a young and very savvy and aware audience, but you're, you know, have that corporate backing, doing that kind of thing is important, uh, just because nobody wants to, you know, seem like squares, you know, working for the man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, cause the lawsuit didn't get resolved until spring 2014, and then Game Trailers was acquired by DeFi, well, it was announced in June 2014. Right at E3, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a big, still a relatively large community on the website and asking them to transition to YouTube when they felt their community was there was kind of tearing the audience, I suppose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a lot of the hurdles GT faced as well were that it was a small team that was divided between editorial and entertainment. So the same team that was trying to pump out reviews and get them out by embargo was still trying to produce entertainment content.


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[Assistant] You can't really rely on a big review every week. You can't schedule that. You can't make a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I still think that the bigger issue is that a lot of, you know, uh, developers and publishers can just have their own internal production. They don't need someone to, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I assumed that if game trailers ever closed, uh, Defy would, uh, ingratiate some of the staff and the shows and with the escapist. Yeah, which makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently not. When Gamefront shut down, that's what happened. Uh, which was also a defy property.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Game Jellies used to have a show called Pop Fiction, which was Michael Damiani's run.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know Bruce isn't here, but I know Bruce loves Sean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have they made stormtrooper, uh, like softcore gay porn yet?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still concerned about his pro play. What? No, it's just, it's annoying. Pro play. Hop in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I was like, and they did it well, I thought they did it actually better than Mirror's Edge, and they improved the combat from, uh, Dead Island, which was pretty, it was interesting, but broken. Whoa, what happened? It's all JavaScripted. So, uh, Adam O'Curious.


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[Assistant] Well, see, you're playing, I mean, we're playing Battlefront, it's fucking awesome, Dice knows how to make awesome games. I will say this, I think this is, I want to say this is the first year, did we do an award show last year? No. No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we quit, that was great. Uhm, I will say, this is the first, this is like the second, or the first, uh, feels like the first year, I don't know why, but like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With awards, with awards like this, you end up just kind of nominating the same six games over and over and it starts to get kind of tedious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, I'm just trying to think of all the drunk stuff he says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now let me break your heart as someone who's done these uh, these like award debates. Let me, let me, let me tell you how this, how this talk goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's already, that's already one ding. Also, it's the third one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it. I don't know. And then you got two other dudes sitting in that room looking at you going...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, this is, this is another thing that happens with what I, what I don't like. Like, I always try, I try, and it's very hard. Uhm, you get, maybe there's a couple people in this room who have tried as well, but like, to play every game that comes out. Ooh, it's tough. It's- There's no way. It's actually impossible. And then to have a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somewhat unbiased opinion about every video game that comes out, it's impossible. Like just, it doesn't happen. So to be the only guy in the room, this was typically Lawrence every year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would be like, he'd be like, uh, Lollipop Chainsaw has the best soundtrack and everyone looks around like, never heard it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, no no no, I'm talking about like, I've talked about this before, I've ranted before about the Oscars. But like, the type of group that is in charge of those, you know, the winnings of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are the wine and cheese eating types and you have to, you have to pay like, you have to like throw like a $50,000, uhm, like party in Hollywood at some dude's house just to be nominated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a lot easier to sit there and watch a movie that's two hours long than it is to go through the 35 hours of Arkham Knight or whatever it is. Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm gonna say this is another thing too, which makes award shows, uhm, hard to do. You, you're already factoring in something that you shouldn't be factoring into something when you're talking about, like, art, is the price. Oh, sure. Cause now you're like, well, it did cost something, and it's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are like, well my movie ticket was $45 so I decided to see it in 3D. And it's like, that never happens. It's a weird thing that games are just kind of outside this realm of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so hard to do in a word show. I'm going to keep saying that over and over because it's so fucking true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leia, Leia, Leia. Fuck, no. I can't go Luke because I can't, I can't, I can't. Sexist. Yeah, yeah. If I've got a mouse, I've got a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, is there anything I can do that would damage this? He has a charge up shot. Then just keep shooting him. Let's see. Can't hurt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always, I always say it's not really a good game, like technically, it's just sort of like a good like, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, it's hard to say too because I feel like I need, for me personally I need, I need time. Distance. I need, yea, I need a game to like, just kind of sit. Like I thought Metal Gear was going to be it. Yea. As a technical achievement, holy shit that game is amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it hurt, I think it hurt me a little bit because it wasn't, uhm, it wasn't quite as metal gear as I wanted it to be. Dear God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause it's an actual video game. And I like Kiefer Sutherland's voice, but it kinda felt like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's strange because for me it was like, I'm a huge Metal Gear fan and it's like, so it's really strange for me because the controls and the gameplay and the technical achievement of it all was just like, on point. It was so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, right now I'm splitting my time between Fallout 4 and Halo Multiplayer, and so I was like, I don't know where I stand, I could not give it to one game, honestly, this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, probably not, no. I recently got the Elite Controller, but, oh shit, yeah, give the, give the game a, uh, Give it to the Elite Controller, holy shit, that thing is amazing. If you can find one, buy it, at least. It's $150, but god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I haven't noticed. I like the PS4 controller. I do too. It's a lot better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God damn, like the dead zone is like much better with the, uh, the new controller, but uhm, one of the things I did was to switch grenades, you have to move your thumb to the D-pad, and I just switched it to the trigger now, so like I can just switch grenades using like my back finger and like it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's the store? Where's the store? I tried inviting people into a game, so I- Oh yea, that's still a mess. I did a thing where I said, hey guys, uh, message me, and I'll uh, I'll throw you in. Can you not go through messages anymore? So you can go through messages, and then you- it's about five clicks. You go to the profile, it's like, click their name, and then sometimes the interface, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Invite to game, cause there's also invite to party. Yep. Well then yea, you have to make sure that's a party, cause then they'll throw you into a party, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was on 360! Why is it still gone? Yeah, it sucks for streaming. More than anything. Where you're like, I would like people to hear the chat. They're like, oh god no. Ha, you don't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried it here at the office the other day, uh, to see if the quality was any better, and it was just, uh, cause I just put Windows 10 on my work PC and I just looked at the quality and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a weird thing, I hate to use the word games, journalism. Yeah, here we go. Here it is. There is a fear of the internet. Yeah, you're right, you're absolutely right. It's like the sort of thing where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If anyone were to come out and actually criticize Bloodborne, like actually give it legit criticism, they would probably get death threats.


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[Assistant] Like, that's a, that's a true thing. I think it depends how, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At some point you just go, is it worth it? Oh, I see what you mean. No. I think we'll just give it a 9.5 instead of the 9.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, that's why I'm like, at the end of the day, I don't really care for scores, I'd rather just hear someone's opinion, that sort of thing, that's just where I lie, but. High lie. I love high lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but a game like Witcher, a game like Witcher is so universally loved on the internet. And I, you know, in a lot of ways, I think it deserves to be. It's not, it's not my cup of tea particularly, like I think it's a good game. But like for an open world game, I personally like Fallout more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't get to choose game of the year, so at the end of the day, what does it fucking matter? So, my lesson, as always, is just walk away, just like, just, uh, just embrace your own opinion. If you like something, like it, you don't need to push it on other people. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me personally, like, you, like, maybe I guess there is a personal attachment that comes to things that you like, that you're saying, oh, you don't like Bloodborne? Like, then I don't like you. And you're like, no, not at all. Like, there is a separation between the person and the entertainment. Like, I don't know, like, what you enjoy does not define you as a person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. For me it was, uh, rollerbladers and skateboarders. Nice. Nice. Yeah. You used to rollerblade? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's about BMX. Uh, there's also another one called like Prey for the Skater Boys or something like that. I think that's the name? Sounds like a documentary. No, I'll have to look it up. It's like one guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like, there was like a syndicate of like, uh, of, you know, bad doers, uhm, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just land on your side and roll. I'm attached to my death machine. Yep. Yeah, rollerblading was always a bad idea. There was a move called the porn star though. There was. Yeah. What was that? Don't show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so Deadpool, I just thought it was cool, like, he would get shot, and he'd be like, what the? Like, you know, like, he'd be upset. He wouldn't be, uh, he wouldn't be like, ow, or anything. He would just sort of be like, fuck this. And then, I don't know, I like that mechanic a lot. And that's something I'm looking forward to seeing in other Marvel movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know. What else, uh, what else has that director done? Good question. Let's look it up. He's done nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I was, also, like, I thought it was really cool that there was a first time director that did this movie and the movie was done well. Obviously, like you said, it was a creator's vision. And I'm guessing, not to give Ryan Reynolds too much credit,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm sure that he was sort of the cheerleader throughout, that if a studio was trying to get in the way, Ryan Reynolds was like, just fucking let this dude do what he wants to do. He knows Deadpool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's what we're trying to say with Spider-Man is that Spider-Man was the first time that I think everybody saw a movie and went like, oh I know what Spider-Man is, like not everybody knew what X-Men was. And I think that's what's so interesting about Deadpool now is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They can get those half million people from Comic Con, like, they already had my money when they made Deadpool. Like, they, and I think they probably already had, you know, most of our audience's money as well. And so that's a, that's a pretty good amount of people. It's almost a million people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what they said. And then they put that stuff in his body to basically, uh, awaken the mutant gene of whoever it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know it doesn't fucking matter, but still. No, yeah, he was, and that's the, they've already sort of established that there's a lot of time travel and a lot of other bullshit, so like, so now that will work just fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and that's something that, I mean, even though Deadpool's rated R, I still think that pretty much everybody can enjoy this film because it's just so off the wall and ridiculous. Like the gore isn't necessarily really serious gore. So a lot of people can enjoy this film, and again, unique in its own vision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's what James is kinda saying and there are ways, it is one of the hardest things to do, and I've been saying this for years and years and years, to make things for everybody, but also make them unique.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's one of those things where if you start to realize what goes into making a movie like Deadpool or Guardians of the Galaxy or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, something that's unique, but also appealing to everybody. It's very hard to do. And that's why I was so pleased with Deadpool. Because I thought it was like, oh, this is a, this is a totally different take, but also fun for a lot of people to watch. Like this isn't something that, like you can't, it's not upstream color. You know, like it's not a movie that only a few people can enjoy. A lot of people can enjoy this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, that's what, uh, I mean, not, like, Marvel movies, but that's what comic book movies typically are. They're, they're supposed to be for everybody. And even though this is rated R, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She loves the Joker, but she's also like, you know, uh, empowering and aggressive and all those things. I mean, also cause it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's all it really needs. I mean, I think they can pull this off in a larger X-Men universe, uh, with Deadpool and a bunch of other characters. Absolutely, it just needs to be the same director, uh, writer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still think it would be neat to use sparingly the X-Men in the Avengers universe. I think that would be fun if they could integrate them somewhat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at this point, we're getting to that point with Game of Thrones. Where like, the stuff we're seeing in Game of Thrones is brand new. And it's not in the books. And I kinda like that. I think that's, then it's a surprise for everybody involved. And we don't all have those preconceptions from comic books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got those Fez annuities. Um, I just want to say real quick that I'm totally erect right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the slow, for me it's the slow, like, progression of, uh, I did some annoying thing, but I got a little bit better, stronger, faster, or whatever. Progression. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, definitely. And ultimately, like, that's why I get, uhm, bored with certain- with certain games, uh, and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Both. Both are fine, but that's why, like, with World of Warcraft, ultimately, like, I got bored because I couldn't give two shits about in-game rating, honestly. I didn't have the time or the patience for it. I did a little bit in Vanilla and in Burning Crusade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and even a little bit in Lich King, but it was too complex, and I didn't have- I'm an adult, I didn't- I wanted to go hang out and drink with my friends, and so like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of that, my progression stalled, and then I would get into other areas of the game where I could have more progression, whether it was the daily quests or the, the arenas or whatever, but even then I'd be like, well, I'm not gonna like donate a ton of time to this, so I got bored with it and I quit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you guys gathering information and doing all kinds of stuff like that, uhm, Lawrence putting the information together and compiling it and then you guys presenting it, right? I basically just film the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the thing that's interesting to me, and listen, I'm not-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just think about, like, the whole ethics and games journalism thing being so funny. At the time, being so funny, and it's this utterly commercial industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not an excuse. We shouldn't just be allowed to be condescending. But uhm, but that's why. So hopefully that helps you understand there. The other part is I think we're trying to speak the voice of the people that we are talking to, right? Like, I think we're trying to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I think it's like right trigger. Puts you up against a wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're playing, uh, yeah. Then A, like, I think makes noise. Taps the wall. Well, you can just run. Don't hit Y, Y re-hits you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's the other, the flip side too, there's like the Phil Fish side where he's completely Indian, can say whatever he wants and then game companies don't want to work with him anymore. So, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, there is, uh, there is something to be said about having a bit of decorum in a professional workplace if someone's calling you out and being like, you know, your game sucks, blah, blah, blah, or localization sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you could have a bunch of guys who are working on, let's say, they're at Naughty Dog or something, and they're working on The Last of Us and they're like, there's one guy being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe aren't looking at the day to day of like, you know, the nuts and bolts of it, and you never see that work actually get done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. And, and the- Especially Nintendo. The idea is also that- I just watched Kill Bill last night, the cues are crazy. Pfft. What? Oh yeah, they are. I'm related.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's funny because I did this before Avengers came out. Uhm, Jess and I watched every, uh, every Marvel movie leading up to it. Not Joss Whedon. We watched all Buffy. What, seriously? Yea, we watched all the, all the like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So did, I guess here's the question. Did the tweet happen while he was at school? Or was it done in his free time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's been so long, I was thinking about this the other day, but uhm, remember Adam Worth?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no union, not that I'm pro-union or anti-union, anything like that, I'm just saying that like, people get fired all the time because there's no one protecting them, so that's why those things happen and if someone's forced to work long hours, there's no...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, and like with game development there's, you know, a scrappy 23 year old who's gonna take a 37 year old's job because he could probably do it in cheaper, uh, and he'll work longer hours. But besides that, uhm, we can, we never actually get solid numbers on game sales.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you never know, like, it, it's always, whenever I hear people argue or make a, it's always, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were giving us like, uh, like destiny sales numbers of what like probably pretty close to the word and both Lawrence and I were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to kind of, like, interpret. It's always, like, weird. It's like looking at some weird, like, Rosetta stone. I'm like, I wonder if I can figure this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Games have to come out as, you have to have a planned trilogy basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, there, there are like, uh, just recently with the film Pixels, there was, uh, the company that owns the right, uh, someone, someone has the copyright on the word Pixels?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good work, uh, world. I don't know, well, the, the YouTube thing's different because yeaah, I feel like that's, that's once a week we see someone crying foul that their YouTube channel was taken down and how this is ruining their business and everything. It's like, well, hey, don't build your business. I'm not, I'm not saying YouTube is quicksand, but, you know, don't build your business on quicksand. Like, it could just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well also, and then, I mean, we're all pretty much aware that YouTube's Content ID system is flawed. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is- There's no perfect solution though, is the thing. Yeah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying anything like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] YouTube is bad and copyright's good or nothing like that. It's more of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I'm gonna ask the, we're probably veering way off topic here, but, I'm asking the dummy question, because I'm kind of a dummy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was going to say there was a Groucho, Groucho Marx film, uhm, where they used the exact name of another movie and they took it to court and they, they ended up winning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not specifically how it went, but it was this really interesting court case. That's pretty much why...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We saw ya! He turned left. So... Hey. Hey. I like the idea that it's his first day and he's like, Sir!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno. I know there's something simple here that we should be doing, and I just don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was always the two schools of thoughts growing up. It was 1984 or Brave New World. And it kinda became a combination of both. And now it's, uh, he'll look at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a weird moment when we got, so we got stuck at the airport after RTX. We all had like, different, uh, we all, we had different delays. Most of us ended up being there for about eight hours. Bruce Hytale got the fuck out of there. Joel got out of there first. Joel's first. Joel's preferred, uhm, because they were like, we noticed you geo-tagged this location.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happened at the same time, uh, and we had to basically, I mean obviously we're not gonna, you know, it's not much of a choice, but it was like these two things are going at the same time and it was the sort of thing where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These two conventions are going head to head, and we've just been finding out about the news from Lawrence, basically, when he just yells at us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I mean, I've said it before, it's like, this is the beauty of video games, is that, I mean, you live in a time where you can play really awesome games, like, where you're reliving Star Wars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You heard it here first on whatever this show is. Anyway, let's talk about dumb wow or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, gamescom is a weird imagination because it's two shows in one, so E3 is all industry, PAX is fan-centric, RTX is fan-centric, not really industry-focused. You don't have to cheer when I say words, it's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got your change bag stolen, that sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My thought was the trailer was they were tricking people. They're like, here it is, another Marvel movie. And he immediately starts cracking jokes. And you're like, oh, okay, it's a silly movie, but they got me, uh, they got me in the early part where like he loves his girlfriend. That's like four seconds of the trailer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, like, I'm so happy that that group is what it is now. I'm like, just, everyone, that whole...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know Microsoft's announced that they're gonna have mouse and keyboard support in some way, shape, or form for the Xbox One, so I mean, what? I heard somebody just go, no!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always said this, like, it's all just becoming one thing anyway, the fact that you can stream your Xbox to Windows 10 now, and it's gonna happen vice versa, like, it's all just becoming the same thing, so, really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess the word right to do that. We can always go like, man, wouldn't it be cool if, but I never want to be the guy who's like, man, I could make Metal Gear good because I don't want to make a fucking game, man. Like, that's work. I got the easy job to just play it and make fun of it and be bad at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't know if you guys saw the announcement for 11 Little Roosters, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was backstage talking to Miles for a bit, so something, I don't know, it's something we'd like to do, but uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I actually looked into it when I, when I grabbed it, I thought, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna have this, cause I had to petition YouTube to get it. I did it like in 2010 or something, maybe earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like two years before we actually made the channel. Uh, so I looked it up and the nearest I can find is that term Let's Play originated on the Something Awful forms. Oh. As like, people would do like these text


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though? I fucking couldn't agree more. But uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guides have books. That guy KSI, you know, that wacky British dude who screams over soccer. He's got a book that's like number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is a ghostwriter. She didn't start out that way, but she ended up picking up a gig. I'm not going to say who she ghostwrote for, but kind of a famous internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I think, I do think that's how, uh, not discounting their tremendous comedic, uh, capabilities, guys like PewDiePie. But I do kind of think like that's, that's where they're really doing well and they're kind of killing it with the audience, is that they're doing the Shane Dawson thing where they're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really, they really are nailing it with the like, we really love you audience and we're just as awkward as you. Yeah. You know, let's be awkward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the general consensus seemed to be that Colbert was the, like, exact opposite of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's his brand of comedy too, I mean, it's a dude who grew up like, obsessed with and loving Howard Stern, that's what you're gonna get. The point, the thing is, is just when...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got about 10 more years of this shit before there's no difference between the two. In public perception. As that, as that breed, uh, ages out and the kids that are growing up now, I mean, it's fucking weird to have been doing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Working in this industry for as long as we have. Like we've been going 13 and a half years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it is, there, I mean, we kinda dealt with the same thing with machinima, where you make it look so easy that anybody can do it, and then people come to you frustrated and they're like, I've been trying this thing for 30 hours and I can't get it, and it's like, yeah, well that's why there aren't two red versus blue. Right, exactly, that's why we're good at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do think that the, uh, that PewDiePie being on Colbert


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How respected he is, I mean, nobody really, no offense to Kimmel, nobody really, like, respects Kimmel in that space to that degree, you know. Uh, Cole Barry, you know, he's, it's a giant platform he's on, and to lend credibility to this kind of stuff at that time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like- those shirts are 40 bucks! It's like doing a photoshoot with Terry Richardson. It's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them are because they're not happy with the American Apparel's move to be more family friendly and inclusive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, if you buy into the idea of the single box multimedia experience thing,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so Gus and I went and we played, just to see, uh, we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And maybe this isn't the greatest example because the Zune is gone. But they launched the Zune and everybody was like, there's, you're never going to compete with the iPhone or with the iPod. And, uh, like you, it's a losing battle. And they were like, there's a lot of money in second place. You know? No, there is. There really is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, so we went into, this is gonna go pretty lame, pretty fast, but, so we were in Baby Gap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I stood up and clapped during the Sharon Stone one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So according to Adam, to enjoy a movie theater, you have to basically be like one of those, one of the kids in the Pink Floyd movie, The Wall. He's like walking, sit down and look straight ahead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was yours? Oh, when I was in high school, I saw Fire Walk with me at the Dollar Theater. I was the only person there. And about halfway through, a guy sat down like four seats next to me and just started jacking off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what are some jokes that I came up with? Oh, okay, I got one. I got one. So, you guys know Ancient Egypt, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's fucking, she could not give less of a shit appearance. Ten years old, it just doesn't give a fuck about anything. She, A, she said, why does Darth Vader look weird? And we had a whole conversation about how Darth Vader was dead. And then she said, where's the little green guy? And I was like, he just saw him die too. And, she doesn't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She see, I think it was more like, we're watching this on YouTube, why isn't this Minecraft? Oh yea, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think you would have liked Guardians of the Galaxy less had you seen set photos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but every single person is an idiot and an asshole. You just have to ignore all of that at all times for all reasons. And it worked out great for me. Not even movie related. Oh, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to watch that movie on a plane, because it was the only movie available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna watch the tel- Do you read the books? Oh yea. Are you gonna watch the show? Absolutely. Before the books come out? Absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, I know it's different when they're branching, but I d- I just like, I don't want them to- I don't want them to spoil the tiniest thing that I would've found in the book that was amazing and done so much better. Gotcha. But it's gonna be impossible to do. Yeah, so you're just gonna watch the show for ten years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But did you derive no fun from that? Like getting together and watching something together and picking it apart and like, speculating and like, that's like, it's a fun social thing, right? As opposed to just the disenfranchised, sad,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst example of that was probably Mission Impossible 1, where they put the entire movie and every special effect in the fucking trailer, including him jumping from the helicopter and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it happens in the theater, you're like, uh, that's what I was waiting for. Or, uh, episode one with Darth Maul and the lightsaber thing. Why the fuck would you do that to me? How great would that moment have been?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did. He was also, he also taught Billy Zane how to kill two people with one shot and sniper. Sweet. God, Billy Zane's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the trailer I saw was just him at a bar and he gets a call from his wife and he's like, baby, I'm coming home. Ooh. And that was the whole thing. Then you race the fandango.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a weird dude. You know, he had like a whole thing where he got caught lying about how he went to New Orleans and like hung out on rooftops and sniped looters. And it came out that he had never been there and he put it in his book and it was really bizarre. Like he was an American hero, but he was also like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More to the point, it's been like 50 fucking years since the last Star Wars. I'm sure Crystal Technology has improved. I already told you what this guy, what this is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam did an episode of Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsay, and by the end, the dickhead guy looks up to Gordon Ramsay like the father we never had, and they're like, don't leave, Papa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The opposite of brave. I was being sarcastic. Bruce was a giant sissy. He kept clutching me from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's alright. I uh, I showed you guys last night when you came over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you want me to pick what you guys are talking about? Destiny used to have a story, pay to win, uh, microtransactions, and Kojima.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regardless of that, like, you could have gone and bought a Red Bull that had a code that boosted your XP by 50% for 30 minutes. Nobody complained about that, but we all went and bought a Red Bull. Yeah. So, I mean, I guess you get a Red Bull out of it, right? If you're in the Red Bull. But if you think it tastes like shit, then you're buying it and throwing it away. It's the same principle. It actually is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing about Destiny is, if you level your first character up to max,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the time you get that character to max, if you give a shit about leveling an alternate character,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You will have enough gear and Ingrams that you can level your alt. I mean, you gotta like get it to level 20, right? But that takes you like two days of playing Crucible. Not much work at all to get to level 20. And then you're instantly level 40 just on all the hand-me-down gear you already had in your inventory. So it's not like it's a super accomplishment to level up an additional character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you get, you get shards, uh, in the raid, and if you get twenty, uh, you get extra gear, or, uh, you can buy these, you can buy the three of coins from, uh,