[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no telling, you know, who wrote it or where they came from. A lot of them claim to be like written by John or Peter, but again, they, they can't be corroborated. Uh, but they were even so picky about picking the four gospels. There are several that were supposedly written by Peter or one of Peter's scribes or like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Barnabas, or, you know, one, sorry, not Barnabas, Bartholomew, one of the other twelve disciples, but because they don't directly corroborate with the accounts of the other four, they don't include it, because the only ones they were letting into that book are the ones that were sure-fire good to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, like, four are allowed, and there's thousands of stories about Jesus like, uh, the rest of the New Testament, I don't have to get into all of it, I don't want to bore you with the details, the rest of the New Testament


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was doing a study, the reason I know this knowledge right now is because I've been reading it for my own time, like the canonization of scripture, what was and wasn't allowed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Within the Scriptures, it self references or corroborates stories that are mentioned 65,000 times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Through the Bible there are 65,000 times that a teaching is directly mentioned somewhere else or they specifically call to a verse somewhere else in the book. There are also times in the Old Testament where they say a verse will be said in the future and then 2,000 years later that verse is written by one of the apostles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's absurd the level of integration that it all has with itself. Uh, like I said, they took their time deciding what goes in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they are, we just didn't, we just didn't, we didn't take any of them, that's the problem. There were a bunch of cool ones, like a, uh, uh, Enoch, uh, I mean some of the cool ones, like Elijah goes pretty hard, you know, stuff like that. But a bunch of the ones in the Old Testament are like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he was, which was named after the Bible, uh, because everything in the matrix was named after the Bible. But yeah, the one Trinity. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but Nebuchadnezzar ruler of Babylon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nebuchadnezzar was in rule over Israel and Daniel, uh, you've probably heard Daniel in the lion's den, that same Daniel was one of the advisors for the king of Israel whenever the Babylonians took over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Nebuchadnezzar sees who was previously the king's right hand man in Israel and asked Daniel to come on to be his right hand man because he found favor with him. He saw that Daniel was a wise leader. So he invites Daniel into the palace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but Daniel had three priests who were working with him, effectively his apprentices, and those priests were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So one day Nebuchadnezzar has, he builds a giant golden statue of himself and he calls all of the nation together to worship him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And whenever everyone comes to worship him, the only three people who won't bow down are Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they say, we're not going to do it. You know, we serve God, Jehovah, not man. Uh, Daniel wasn't there. Daniel was, I believe on a, he was out, he was sent on some diplomacy. Uh, but Daniel wasn't there and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nebuchadnezzar typically would just kill someone straight away for doing that. But Nebuchadnezzar says, since you are the apprentices of Daniel, a man I respect, I'm gonna give you a second chance. So whenever he invites them to the palace, he's like, you can worship me now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say no, we only worship God, and Nebuchadnezzar is furious by this. So he has his soldiers stoke a giant furnace they use for melting gold, melting down metal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and he has the furnace made so hot that it says whenever two of the soldiers are escorting Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to the furnace that they die from heat before they even get there. So this furnace is ridiculously hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they take the three men and they throw them into the fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then they sit there for a minute and nothing happens, so they don't hear them screaming or anything, so Nebuchadnezzar sends one of his guards over to look into the furnace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guard looks into the fire and says, how many men did we throw into the fire? And Ebenezer says three. And the guard says, I see four men standing in the fire and the fourth is as the son of God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Nebuchadnezzar realizes whatever these guys have, it must be real. So he orders them to open the door and the three men walk out of the fire. And it says they were so untouched by the flame that their clothes didn't even smell like smoke. Like they were completely untouched by. And then they asked Nebuchadnezzar asked what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, the, the three men are brought out, Nebuchadnezzar asks, and they say, oh, it's because our God, he's found favor with us. And Nebuchadnezzar's like, wow guys, that's really cool. I'm going to start worshiping your God. And he immediately does not do that and starts doing other bad stuff. But yeah, that's where Shadrach, Meshach, and Emendigo come from.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't die, I'm out. No, so Nebuchadnezzar, if you want me to tell it, Nebuchadnezzar's death is insane. Nebuchadnezzar's and his son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the names you hear in the Old Testament, uh, or like angel names, end in I-E-L.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, because I-E-L means of God or of the being of God. So Daniel, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daniel, uh, if I recall correctly it means God is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God is always, God is eternal, something like that. Uh, they were given, the prophets were given names to reflect what the people needed to hear at the time. So Daniel was just his prophet name. Uhm, but yeaah, so Daniel comes back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's not happy, uh, because Nebuchadnezzar tried to kill his three guys while he was gone. And when Daniel gets back, uh, the king has a dream. Nebuchadnezzar has a dream and, uh, he asked Daniel to interpret it. The original, the original reason Daniel became, uh, Nebuchadnezzar's right-hand man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is because whenever Nebuchadnezzar took over Israel, uh, he was initially like, all right, kill the kings, kill their men. You know, I don't want any of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then, whenever Daniel was in prison, the king had a dream. And he brought forward his sorcerers, he brought forward his witches, and none of them could interpret it. So he says, bring me that overseer that the last king had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So the reason Nebuchadnezzar originally took Daniel on is because, uh, he could have this dream no one else could interpret. And then he says, bring the, bring the, uh, the right hand man of the last King and we'll see if he knows. And sure enough, Daniel could interpret the dream. So that's why Nebuchadnezzar had him here in the first place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So as soon as Daniel gets back after Nebuchadnezzar tried to kill his three priest, uh, the first thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happens is Nebuchadnezzar has another dream, so of course he says go get Daniel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whenever Daniel comes to him, he interprets the dream and effectively the interpretation was, if you don't come off your.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is you've been given this kingdom and all the blessings that you have by God and you keep forgetting that. So if you keep staying on this high horse and you keep trying to boast yourself above, you know, the God of creation, the God that allows you this power, you're going to lose all of it really quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Nebuchadnezzar's like, wow, Daniel, thank you. I will learn to be humble. And then one year later, after he builds, uh, the temple, the hanging gardens of Babylon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or like the, the, the, the temples and palace. He steps out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so a ton of like old world cryptids and supernatural entities come from a lot of Bible stories. Uh, Cain is a big one. A lot of the early legends of Bigfoot come from Cain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a lot of the stories of mad men and crazy people like come from Nebuchadnezzar. Uh, there's several stories of the risen dead in the New Testament. People lend that to early stories of ghouls and ghosts and stuff like that. Yeaah. Uh, the Bible is the inception for a lot of old folklore and stories. So yeaah, a lot of them go hand in hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was just going to finish the story if you want to hear it. So, Nebuchadnezzar, he's out in the field for seven years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a moment, everyone, I'm, I'm better. I took time for myself, I'm over it, I'm a changed man. Yeaah, he comes back in, uh, and he's very, he's very humble to himself, however,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shortly after, his son, Nebuchadnezzar comes to reign.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is important for how the story goes very wrong very quickly. Whatever the Babylonians took over-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, there was the temple that was full of all of the artifacts of God. It was full of the golden plates, it was full of the sacraments, all these holy items that God gave the people of Israel to perform, you know, uh, rituals and prayer and stuff like that with. So those items were very sacred.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever the Babylonians took over, they kept, they stole all of those artifacts and put them in the king's palace. So one night, Nebuchadnezzar's having a party, he's a young king, uh, he's taken over recently, and he, it says that he has a party with hundreds of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Women and thousands of soldiers and men like they're having a massive party in the palace and Nebuchadnezzar says what we need is we need to eat off of the holy remnants from the temple. That will really show these people who's in charge. So in the middle of this party of lust and debauchery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They bring it in. They bring it in and as soon as they start using it, it says a giant hand, like a human hand, a giant hand appears on the far wall and writes something in the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you ever heard the phrase, the writing on the wall? Like, oh, the writing's on the wall. It comes from this story. So a giant hand appears and write something on the wall of the palace. So everyone obviously is freaked out. That kills the party because the giant hand appeared to have wrote something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so Nevis Shazzar is confused. He gets all of his priests, all of his service together and it's in a language. No one speaks. It's not in Hebrew. It's not in, you know, Babylonian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're able to decipher it? No. Yeah. Yeah. So, so Nebuchadnezzar, Nevis Mint can do it, but then Nebuchadnezzar's queen, one of his wives says, your father had an interpreter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who interpreted every dream he had. Bring that man here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because since, you know, Nebuchadnezzar doesn't care about Daniel or, you know, the sacrament or whatever. So he finds Daniel out in the kingdom and he has a house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daniel walks into the temple and he looks up at the writing and Nebuchadnezzar says, can you read that? And as soon as Daniel looks at it, he turns around to Nebuchadnezzar and says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did it. You messed up this time. It's over. He said that I, the verse is so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he turns around to Nebuchadnezzar and he starts, uh, he says something to the effect of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, uhm, he said you knew better. You should have known better because your father, you witnessed everything that happened to him. You watched him become a wolf man for seven years. You watched Shadrach Meshach in a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Daniel interprets it as saying, you have been given the kingdom by God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have been weighed in the scales and found still wanting your kingdom will be taken by God this very night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in other words, all of this was yours, it was your family, it was to be your lineage, but here you are, and it's still not enough. So that kingdom's being pulled away from you now. And that very night, the Persians, who were the enemy of the Babylonians, had surrounded the city, and they attacked the city while everyone was in the king's palace. Nebuchadnezzar was slaughtered, his wives, his family was slaughtered, and the Persians took over the kingdom of Israel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Short version is Darius, Darius demanded that everyone pray to his gods, the gods of the Persians and Daniel wouldn't. So Darius, his advisors ratted on Daniel. So they had Daniel executed by throwing him to a lion's den.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the Old Testament of the Bible was written from, I mean, you know, if you believe it like I do as, you know, the Word of God, all truth, and it's from the beginning of humanity to, uh, the Old Testament's from the beginning of humanity to about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 600 BC, 400 BC, depending on like when the end of 2nd Chronicles was written. Uh, and then the New Testament was exclusively written, while it was written at like the, from year


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 60 AD to 120 AD, so it would have been, you know, as humanity was expanding out across the globe. The parts that are included in the Bible were exclusively written by people who lived near or with Jesus while he was on earth. So it's all written by people who were in the Middle East.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's mentions of Ethiopia. There's mentions of the Ethiopian eunuch who began to witness to people in Ethiopia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and there's witness, there's, uh, the Romans are through it, especially in the New Testament, a lot, but there's also mentions of, like, the Greeks, uh, there's several mentions of, like, the early Germans or the Goths at the time, stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm a weird guy who likes to research this stuff, so I do have my opinion. It's not a for sure answer, but I do have my opinion on the topic. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a question that's been asked, uh, it was asked for one by a lot of the early Christian writers like Dante, who wrote Dante's Inferno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, in the book Paradiso, which is the third book in the series, whenever Dante's in heaven, uh, the first question he asks is, what of the people of the far shores? What of the people who have not been witnessed to? What of those who have never heard the name of Jesus? And in Dante's depiction, they're under grace, so they're saved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's Dante, that's not, you know, a biblical account or whatever. Uh, it was asked all the way back in Jesus' time. As a matter of fact, it was asked by the first members of the church. In the book of Romans, which is Paul,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Writing to the church in Rome. All those letter books of the Bible, Philippians, Colossians, all those, they are letters that mostly Paul wrote to churches in that area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the church at Philippi is the book of Philippians. Uh, the church at Corinth is Corinthians, stuff like that. So the book of Romans is the letter he wrote to the church at Rome. Uh, the church at Rome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like Hoth. This is Hoth. Um, a quick, a quick side note on that. So I'll come back to your question Poob about it, but because you mentioned like, oh, the letters, that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason the letters are included in the Bible, remember how I said they were super, super strict about what goes in? So the Old Testament...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is everything from humanity's beginning to Jesus Christ. Uh, the Old Testament is pretty set in stone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was, every book of it was recorded by kings or king's scribes and held in record at the temple in Jerusalem. You can go to the holy records in Israel right now and see the Old Testament as it was originally written. All that set in stone. No one's gonna argue like, oh, well that one shouldn't be in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] David wrote it, what does that guy know? Like the Old Testament said in stone, it's the New Testament that was more controversial and the reason they had several meetings. Nicaea, that's it, uh, the Council of Trent


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Council of Constantinople and Council of Nicaea. Those are the three where they decided what books would go in the New Testament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason it was much more controversial is because there was no pre-existing record.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only reason the four gospels are included is because they perfectly can center off of each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all give corroborating information that one relays off the other, and unless these four men who knew each other for the time and then wrote, uh, the books at different intervals after some of them had died, separated by several hundred miles, unless they somehow schemed it all, then it is a perfect, you know, account of Jesus Christ's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason that the letters are included, like Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, uh, the books of Timothy, which were written to, uh, Paul's second, his apprentice Timothy, uh, the books of Peter, which Peter wrote to Paul and things like that, the reason all of those letters are included is because of Peter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whenever Jesus Christ died on the cross, he rose three days later, and he continued his ministry on earth for some time. Before he ascended to heaven, he visited the apostles one last time, and it's recorded by all the apostles, maybe not Luke, but I know that at least three of them do, Matthew, Mark and John.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all say that whenever Jesus came back, that when the last time he was with the apostles, he looked at Peter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he said, Peter, on this rock I will build my church and pointed at him and commissioned Peter as the first leader of the Christian church. So as soon as Jesus ascended to heaven, Peter was the leader. Whatever Peter said went. So he was the new authority.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paul showed up well after Jesus Christ. As a matter of fact, Paul's original job was he was a assassin, effectively. He was paid by the Roman government to hunt down Christian churches and kill the men and sell the women into bondage. He was as evil, as far removed from Christianity as you could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He gets to be the leader because whenever Jesus, whenever Paul, who at the time was named Saul, whenever Saul was traveling to Damascus, uh, yes, wrote to Damascus. Yeah. Whenever he was traveling to Damascus, which some historians think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of historians think that Peter might have been at Damascus at that time. So it's very possible Saul was on his way to kill Peter, the leader of the Christian church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually think, this isn't in the Bible, but I think I remember reading somewhere that Judas' name was changed, but because he eventually betrayed Jesus, we all remember his non-Christian name, his before name, if I recall correctly. Probably a really bad name in God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's long-winded. Imagine that! This is how I do it. I just ramble and then people watch it for some reason. Uhm, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paul, uh, then goes to Peter eventually, and Peter teaches him to be in the way of the church, he teaches him how to follow Christ, and Paul becomes the first missionary. He travels from sea to sea, from place to place, leading others to Christ, and he's eventually executed for it in Rome, uh, by Nero. So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason that Paul's letter, cause remember the church is, the church is super strict about what goes in the New Testament. There's only 27 books, if I recall right, in the New Testament. Out of all the thousands that have been written about Christ and Christ's life. Uh, so the reason all those letters get included,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is because in one of Peter's letters, in 2 Peter, whenever he's riding to a church, Paul is going to be at,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Peter says, remember, Peter is the bedrock of the church, because one of the last things Christ said on earth is, on this rock I will build my church. So whatever Peter says goes. In the book of 2 Peter, while talking about Paul,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Peter says, I find that Paul is a righteous man, one to look after and that his writings should be according and added to the scripture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So off of that one verse, that one quick mention where Peter said, I think Paul's work should be in the Bible. That is why we include all of the letters to the Colossians, to the Romans and whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tarshish? Some city that was like way out on the coast from where they were. They asked what are the people on the distant shores? And Paul says that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is one of those things where it's like, what, what does this mean with grace and faith or whatnot? But Paul says that every man in his own time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has had knowledge of the Creator. Has had knowledge of the Creator of divinity. And that no man stands before God after death without being prophesied by the nature and the world that he exists within.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this raises a lot of questions, because it also says in the Bible that no man comes to me but by Jesus Christ, right? It's like, okay, well, these people from this tribe who have never interacted, they don't know who Jesus Christ is, they've never heard that name before. But Paul also said,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That anyone who knows of creation, who knows of the Creator,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cannot stand before God blameless. So does that mean faith in the Creator is enough? Is that what salvation means? But he also said Jesus Christ. There's another point in the Bible whenever Jesus says specifically, he said those of a broken or feeble mind are already under grace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, and no one knows, it says no one knows the salvation of another, but I believe that throughout all of Christ's teachings, the underlining principle of everything was mercy, was grace. So I like to think that as he said, no man stands guiltless, and there's going to be a lot of people in heaven that every Christian maybe wouldn't agree is going to be there, but like I said, I think Christ's name is mercy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you do, you do know people in heaven. There's several times in the Bible it talks about that whenever some of the saints and prophets, whenever the, some of the saints and prophets died, they're reunited with those that they knew in life. Uh, so like that's up there. Uh, there's that Jesus even specifically mentions that marriage is not a thing in heaven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, you'll be together. So the whole purpose of marriage as it was commissioned by Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was a testament for the believers of the church of how much God loves them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, whenever they asked about marriage originally, he said, wives, love your husbands, uh, love your husbands, abide by them, be kind to them, you know, all this stuff. And then to the husbands, Christ said, husbands, love your wives as I have loved the church and died for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which talk about a commission of like how much you're supposed to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, how, like, Christ, the one who's about to die for everyone said, love your wives like I'm going to love you and die on a cross for you. Like that, that is heavy. But the purpose of marriage was so that we could have a holy bond on earth. Whenever we die, that-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but, so anyway, marriage on earth is just a temporary holdover, because all, all connections will be perfect in heaven. We don't need the office of marriage, but we'll still know people. Uhm, at its core, from my reading, from my understanding of Christianity, and most, you know, scholars who I talk to about this agree,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever we were created, God took a piece of himself and separated it to let, to allow us to exist. We're given the free will, we're given the ability.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make choices, make our own decisions in life as God can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but we're limited to this form, you know, we can't feel, experience every aspect of creation. The, the human experience is, uh, it is, uh, finite, right? Like there is walls to it eventually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever we decided to use our free will for bad, whenever we decided to separate ourselves from God, uh, we decided to let sin, to let evil, to let wickedness, greed come into us, and that has tainted our experience. It's hard to imagine an existence in any regard that doesn't involve, you know, aspects of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So therefore in heaven, because it is to be back with the Father, it's to be back to what our original purpose was, it is existence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold downs of the physical form of the corporeal form. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wanting no needing for anything. It is divine peace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Entirely and without end. Something that's even hard for us to wrap our minds around what that would be like. But it is truly perfection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and something that as a human we can't even, like our brains...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you know how, uh, you know how like I said that we were supposed to be perfect divine beings and then like, you know, aspects of hell got added and that took us this far away. So imagine getting rid of all that original stuff and just going straight for all the bad. That's about what it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it, it, like a lot of people kind of see it at this. This is mostly the fault of like, you know, mid century or mid millennial, uh, preachers or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a lot of instances it is, and people excuse it with the idea of like, oh well, God created the world, he can do what he wants with it, but that isn't really the God that's spread about in the Bible. It's not my God, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, whenever, so, whenever we were created,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason Eve eventually ate of it is because the serpent told her, if you eat, God's lying to you, if you eat of the fruit, then you'll be like him. And that's why he doesn't want you to eat it. So it was, it was a sin of pride, effectively.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whenever we became creatures that know what evil is, would know what that is, God opened the door. He said, all right, you've chosen to depart from me to depart from what you were supposed to be, which was a companion, a perfect, you know, a free thinking being to be in companionship with God. You were supposed to be something perfect and we chose to not be that. So instead God said, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ever want to come back, if you ever want to come back to the divinity, the companionship that I originally met for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, throughout our life, we have the choice if we want to return to the creation, the divinity, like Paul said, right? Like creation itself bears witness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we can either return to that perfection that we were supposed to be a part of, or we can choose to not be a part of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to say, uh, God, uh, accepts our choice. God allows our choose whatever it is. So if we choose that we don't want to be with him, God doesn't force us to be with him. He just allows us to exist on our own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That all comes from old demons that are depicted throughout the Old Testament in some parts of the New Testament. Uh, Satan is, or Lucifer, is never described as being ugly or poor, and he's always described as a beautiful angel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's where, uh, the Moby Dick captain's name from. Uh, King Ahab from the Bible. Like all names. I thought you meant the Moby Dick guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's uh, that's why Melville named, uh, the character Ahab, because Ahab the king tried to track down and like fight God, and the captain Ahab tried to track down this being that was greater than him, the whale. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he was married, he was married to Jezebel, which Jezebel to this day is like a nickname for like an evil woman, right? So that tells you about what that lady was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so Ahab and Jezebel tried to, they slaughtered thousands of the Lord's prophets, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, they, they eventually died. Jezebel got ate by dogs. Her death was pretty brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, there's some stories in the Old Testament. There's some stories in the Old Testament that are like, uh, uh, that's horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it says that after we die, our soul is given a more perfect heavenly body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So imagine heaven is like that, like the garden, only all of the downsides of the human form are gone as well. Like even beyond that. But yes, you're on the right track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean the whole world flooded at one point, so wherever it was, it was gone for a while. At least. Probably didn't come out looking tip-top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the dividing line for it is Jesus Christ. So, in the Old Testament, we were, we were in what's known as the age of law. Uh, there was law, people had to follow, God interacted much more physically on earth. There's several times you'll read about in the Old Testament that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like, an angel physically appears before people, and a demon physically appears, and these people worship these false gods, which are demons that demand child sacrifices. Like, everything's very physical, miracles happen directly. Uh, but then, whenever Jesus Christ came,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there's a bunch of symbols into why he destroyed it that I won't get into, but the short version is whenever Jesus Christ came, we no longer needed the law because now we had the Holy Spirit. Now we had the entire purpose of the law, everything between Adam and Eve to Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whenever Christ came, we no longer needed the physicality. We didn't need the law because now the Holy Spirit or part of God dwells within us directly. So we don't need all of the holdovers from the Old Testament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So after Jesus, that's when all of the physical miracles, the crazy weird stuff, that's when it quits because it's not needed anymore. Now humanity can make free- their choices of free will without God constantly needing to intervene or change what we do because we can decide for ourselves. Yes, I saw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying that's what I'm saying. Uh, as a Christian, obviously I believe Jesus was the son of God. Uh, Christianity and Judaism are the exact same religion up until Jesus Christ. That's where we diverge. Our Old Testament, the Old Testament, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is how, this is how I see it, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, it's not really how I see it. This is how I get it from scripture, like from the words that are given. Uh, I believe that God made us, I don't believe that we're all accidents. I don't believe, you know, free will, consciousness, love, existence is just like, ah, I'm glad those two atoms did that neat little trick. Like, no, I believe in, you know, a divine creator, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So because of that, I believe the divine creator created us and then we chose to go astray from him at multiple points and continue to throughout history. Uhm, but that divine creator is still there and he still has a world that's curated for us. The world exists for us to live in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And from my readings of the Bible, from my readings of the Creator, I personally do not believe in aliens. The reason, I'm not, I don't, I'm not one of these people who's like, aliens definitely don't exist because blah blah blah. I really don't, like, have that much stock in it. I just don't believe in them. Whatever the sun, moon, and stars is mentioned in the Bible,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says that the Lord created them, eh, He created the stars also for our wonderment and for our purpose. It's, it's to see the world around us to know how great He is. And it all goes back to what Paul said, creation itself bears witness that there's something greater than just an accident, right? That we mean something more. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whenever I see that, whenever I see that, that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God said he created the stars for our wonderment. I'm like, okay, I don't believe in aliens. Now, if tomorrow, aliens were to show up, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like I'm not, I'm not that hardcore about it. I don't mind if they exist or not. I'm really not that much of a way. If tomorrow, like you said, they came down and they, whatever, like the, you know, aliens showed up. My thought wouldn't be, Oh, well, I guess the Bible is wrong. I guess because things exist in the stars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's basically what happened in Ethiopia in the 1400s, which is very funny. Uh, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it turned out that aliens exist, I wouldn't think, oh, God doesn't exist. I would think, oh, I was wrong. I just misunderstood what was in there. It wouldn't destroy my faith or my reasoning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be more proof of it, right? It wouldn't change any thoughts to me. I just don't think they do. Cause I haven't seen, you know, definitive evidence of it, but yeah, like yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is because it says that whenever we were created, that God made us in his image, that the form of man is the form of God himself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That we are, you know, uh, uh, physically a copy of that creator. So it's like, okay, so if there are aliens, then did God, are we the special ones? Did God make us as image? Did he make another planet of people that look just like us? Like his own?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Like I said, if aliens show up tomorrow. Like I said, if aliens show up tomorrow, I'm gonna shake my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember during the protest people were like painting their faces in such a way that supposedly face ID wouldn't recognize them. Uh, and apparently that just didn't work at all. It totally recognized them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Really? The video or the book?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He never sleeps. He says he will never die. He's dancing, dancing. He'll never die. That will mean something to you when you get done with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] War has always been here. Before man existed, war waited for him. The ultimate practice awaiting its ultimate practitioner. Like what a, what a thing to say to a group of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best ones in that movie though are Doc Holliday. Who's like, he, he, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ringo comes in, uh, and whenever Doc's standing there, he's like, he says, he reminds me of myself. I think I hate him. And then they stand up and both speak Latin back and forth and he goes, yep, I hate him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks for coming on. Absolutely. Hold on, hold on. That should do it for now, but I just wanted to say thank you for watching. I hope that you enjoyed and I will see you in the next one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Judge, if you don't know if you've seen my fucking name, uh, UPS Grunt, the original idea I had is I was actually at my UPS shift when this event started at, uhm, nine o'clock. I work in the warehouse there, so I was hoping you guys would have pulled me in earlier while I was working still, so I could just run around the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, this is crazy. I'm a big fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so Poob, I didn't want to share with you, you know, you've talked about your pee shyness a couple of times in the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not the only one, man. Like if I'm, especially if I'm taking a shit and I just know there's somebody in the bathroom. I have to look for like, if I see shoes on the stall, like I can't shit you. There's nothing worse than pooping. I can't really. If pee change? Yeah. I forgot I brought this up multiple times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I do have to ask one thing though, uh, Poop. Uhm, any updates on MuffEater? I'm very interested in that whole...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I don't know. Thank you guys for fucking picking me from the claw machine. I appreciate it. Uh, thank you. Yeah. What do you call it? Uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would actually be funny, but it would take too much effort, so we'll never do it. Like, we could be the Sonic guys, but three of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We didn't take their money and now we can't mention them. Ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My roommate got a bunch of the- I had liquid IVs that I bought. And then my roommate got a bunch from his work for free. His- his were caffeinated with like 150 milligrams of caffeine and I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd drink a Celsius, and then I'd drink like a coffee, and then I'm like, well to offset all this, I'm gonna drink a liquid IV and get like my, whatever, uh, my hydration, electrolytes. And I was just, I had the most productive week of my life because I was just fucking jazzed, like from, you know, I almost said 7am. What a lie. Yea, that would have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of hardened criminals, I can't remember, I think I told you, but I got pulled over for the first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think thievery is pretty hard, but uh, or accessory to thievery. I got pulled over for the first time the other day, incredibly nervous, you know, classic. It's like the second I went from my side of town to like, the good part of town, it


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instant, I just been, I just visited my mom at her hotel, and she was like, here have a beer. I'm like, no mom, I'm like, I have to drive, and she's like, just have like one, like, beer. I'm like, no god damn it. Yeah, I'm like, no mom, she's like, I bitch, get out of my hotel bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was like, you know, you can't stay here, you don't have to go home. I went to meet my friends at a brewery, and I'm like, oh fuck, another place I can't drink at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like the second I cross, cause, okay, let's just be real. I've got an incredibly expired license plate. I'm not, I'm a guy that knows, I know how to drive well. I don't know anything else about like car law or like what I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I knew my plates were expired, so I was just kinda waiting. I didn't know how expired they were, it's like over two years. And I have my new plates, like I had a new plate in my glove box, but I couldn't, my old ones are so rusted on I couldn't fucking get them off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, the second I crossed, on this side of town, I could fucking, I could probably rear end a cop and they'd just keep going. Cause like, no one gets, there's so many just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bigger things to worry about in so many cases of just like road rage induced shootings and stuff, like, it just doesn't happen. I never see a car pulled over here. Second I get up to the, you know, the nice spot, three cops behind me and I'm like, I don't know why I do this thing, I always do this thing, if I'm speeding I drive past a cop that's like in a fucking, whatever, like they're waiting to catch you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll like pretend like I'm talking. I don't know what, it's like a nervous ticker sign. I'll pretend, I think in my head that if it looks like I'm angry on the phone, they're less inclined, like I don't want to deal with that guy. So I'll be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like just talking to my phone on the stand. And I was doing that and I'm like doing hand signals and she'd know both hands off. Like what the fuck are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got off, and the guy caught me soft guard, like I pull over, I'm like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, do I even have a registration? Do I even like, I've never thought to look in the glove box because it used to be on my mom's car. It's just her old car. And the guy's like at my window in like four seconds. He's like, hey buddy, like how you doing? Where are you going tonight? And I was like, I'm going to Sun King Brewery. And he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he pulled me over, first thing I did, within the four seconds he made over, I unbuckled my seatbelt. I don't know why. I've just like never been, I'm like maybe they're gonna ask me to get out of the car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and I told the guys, like, just ask me normal shit, and I'm like, by the way, like, I didn't, I wasn't driving without this, like, I took it off when you pulled me over. And he's like, dude, I did not, I didn't notice that, but thanks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, man, you know, your plates are extremely expired. Like I might have to tow your car, which I didn't know they could do for fucking plates. And I'm like, well, what about this? And I pull out a plate in my glove box. He's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know why it's just not on there. And there was another plate underneath it, cause he was like, this one's still expired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, I'm gonna run both of these and he came back and he was telling me like, okay, if you didn't have these, I'd have to tow your car and give you a ticket. And I would give your mom a ticket if she were here. But since it's you like, go out, like whatever, you're fine. I'm not even gonna give you a warning or like a written warning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'm like, okay, like, thanks man. And then I don't know the procedure of like, do they pull out first? Or are they waiting on me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they- they were like, fucking fal- they were like, they were following me, like one to the right, one behind me. And they followed me for an-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so nervous about the registration cause I'm like, I haven't opened this glove box in maybe like two years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also when I gave him my ID, one, I look totally different on my ID. I'm like, you know, I just look like an absolute different person. It's just jolting. And it's also chewed to shit by my dog, which I'm pretty sure you're not like allowed to have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy, uh, he said something about like, you still live in this city? Which I, I don't know why he asked that, and I don't know why I didn't say yes, cause it's on the ID. I'm like, no, I live here, sir! And he's like, okay, get a new ID then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, oh yea, I'm trying to make a joke, like, well I already needed a new one, you probably sold dog bites on it, and he's like, I thought you had a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see my streak of just like putting my foot in my mouth and saying too much too and he's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I still, I haven't told her and I haven't fixed my plates, so I'm just gonna get pulled over again at some point and they're gonna probably fucking kill me or something, nerd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a reality TV show about towers. And they're just like the most, I think it was in Florida. That's why I thought you might get the whole house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lizard lit lick towing. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the name of the show and the towing company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you think of like, when you think of like, how far could a towing show go? Reality TV wise, you're like, oh, maybe they're getting some feuds with the people in the cars. There's this scene where, I can't remember, I used to watch this show so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full fight that ends in a woman, she's like the big badass of the show and she is badass. Like she's always like, they call her in, she's got like a pair of Oakleys, she's huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'd be like, uh, it'd be like going out hunting without, like, you know you're not gonna fucking kill anything. Yeah. You'd just be, you're just hunting something. It's called hiking. I don't get it why people, I've talked about this before, I'm not gonna go into it. Why would you want to kill Bigfoot? Why would you want to hunt him? You know, why would you not just want to, like, study him? I don't think there's anybody that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you tried to watch one, like, in recent- it's so impossible now in the age to have, like, streaming service. Like, when I go back to my parents and I have to just watch, like, fucking Animal Planet or Discovery, just the amount of ins- it's like an ad every fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, they always do that shit. It's because they have this cycle of like, if it's not an instant like meme all over Twitter and shit, it just gets like, they don't let anything, and I've seen people talk about this, like they don't give it enough time to like, develop a fucking fan base or anything, or like, judge it, cause they'll do one quick season and it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, well that would be, they can't because it's like so mean. It's probably also pretty low budget for what it pulls in. Yeaah. I'd have to imagine. But yea, that would freak me out. Freak me out big time. Tim Robinson would definitely get work somewhere else though. Oh, absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean it's the same with like, I mean not really, but like Kyle and Beck I think are like two great of the last like 10 years like SNL members and so much of their shit is cut for time or cut. Where it's like the absurdest stuff that's more up my alley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where they got to just be completely, I hope in a couple years they do something like that. But maybe they're now burnt. Too old. Like 38. 38? Fuck yeah. 35? I don't know. Burn out? I have no idea how old they are. Probably 32. 34. Final guess. Let me look. Fuck. That's retirement age. That's when you just watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle Mooney is 38. I'll cry, I'll cry and shit my pants. And Beck Bennett, I'd have to imagine, is a little older. Wait, how old is he? He's 38 too, they're both 38. I think my first guess was 39 or 38.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I meant like creative output. Oh, I know what you mean. Yeah, creative output.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some right, you always hear those. I mean, but it's like, you know, then there's a trillion people that don't do it. But yeah, there's a lot of success stories where it's like, I didn't start acting until I was 50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's what I was about to say. I used to love it until I started seeing the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great man. I started seeing the nightmares. I haven't gotten in a while. I think I'm in a better space because for a minute there, I was getting it like probably four days a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd get sleep paralysis and I could hear, I started getting audio shit where I could hear something like in my doorway being like, hey Sam, like wake up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The second Sam, you don't talk about this because I know before you've been like, I think it's fake or like you didn't get it. But have you ever had, I don't know when you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't hear anyone. Oh, I guess maybe. I don't know. Well, if you have it, you get it. Like my dad told me about this when I was a kid because he used to get it a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would always be like, what the hell is that? Like, I don't get that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like when I first realize, it's before I realize I can't move, but I'm like, oh I'm waking up, and I hear something or I feel something, and it's like my brain immediately wants to take me, I already do this, I have really bad intrusive thoughts, like it's almost a good thing I can't picture stuff super well, I always like try to think of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when I'm blasted high, like the scariest thing that could possibly happen. I feel like I'd be a great like horror director and constantly thinking of like the worst and scariest thing that could happen at any moment. And when I'm in sleep paralysis, you like kind of have control of shit. Like I amp it up from like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, I just have it where like, I had it once where it sounded like my dad was in my hallway and he's like, alright Sam, like you gotta wake up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like a crescendo of a movie, like a fucking something's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such an overwhelming sense of dread. That's a good way of putting it, dread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've had it in like a couple months luckily, but I was getting there for a while like non-stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had it weird a couple times where it's like, it almost felt like schizophrenia shit where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I couldn't move and I was just looking at them and I was like, what? But I couldn't talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, like, first off, it's like, if I was them, and I, I, if she rolled over and just saw me like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it was like that was so scary to me like the idea that like someone that's in the room I could think they're saying something like that was just like whoa fuck like what if she's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like, cause then when I came to she was dead asleep and I'm like, she was dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was just like, I don't know, it was just really creepy because it felt like the first time I was like out of control of my mind, like, you know, I'm not schizophrenic, but if I were to become one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just like, my roommates before have been like, they've heard me scream, cause like you're screaming until like, like I don't normally scream right now, I edit so often, I'm like, you know, I just get it. When I was starting, like, I'd actually be screaming until I'm in real life, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I already saw that. I said that before, but like in the France trip, you know, I'm like in this creepy little like 400 year old room where the troglodytes used to, you know, raid or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, the first night, like I had horrible sleep paralysis of like some way, it was super creepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's honestly, in a fucked up way, like, it is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's like, you know, you're making some sort of weird reality around it. Like it's a cool thing. Like, but I'm always pissed off because I'm like, why can't there be a positive sleep route? Yeah. Why is there not a happy sleep route? Where it feels like I'm getting like a blow job and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, all the time here, with my window open, and I'm like, oh, I've loved, like, when I was a kid, I lived in the woods, I always had my window open, like, you hear, like, owl or something, you know, you hear a little crater, little critters hopping around, little things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, whatever, one grade below PTSD of fear level and like memory attachment to like, when I was in my college apartment, my roommate


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only guy in the apartment that had a gun and we were already like freaked out like, Jesus Christ, like this guy got a gun, whatever. Coming up to my room in the middle of the night, he's never been upstairs. He's in the basement. He's like boom boom boom boom boom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They- no, it's crazy that I honestly could have been shot if my timing had been a little worse. Cause I grabbed a knife, fucking flipped it open, I'm in my underwear, I run down the stairs, like turn the corner, and then the front door opens, and like three cops walk in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I have the knife like, on the stairs where they can't see. And I just like put it down and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, like, since that night, like, I just have this, like, fear of, like, a break-in. And then that fucking crackhead. And then I've had a couple other nights where, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now I always sleep with my windows shut. I fucking hate it. And I'm like, eh, man, I'm such a pussy. And, uh, you know, guns right there. I'm like, just like, I'm just like more on permanent edge and I don't like that. Like I used to just be such a softer sleeper. I'd just be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm also like probably the heaviest sleeper, like all my friends, I'm like notorious for like they got videos of me like, I just fall asleep like a granddad on our recliner and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wish, I wish I had like some high ground here. I don't like being base floor. Yeah. And it's like, it doesn't even bother me, like I don't, this sounds weird, like I don't mind it, like, well it's fucked up cause it's like someone's probably dying, but like, every time I go outside you hear just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My road is like, there's so many people just for some reason choose our house, like there's a road!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A block away, they just like go through our house, through our fence line. And like I'll just have Pip outside at like 2am and like 8 people walk by. And the other day Pip started barking at them. I'm like, Pip shut the fuck up!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like Pip and I, like, we are not a force, you know. We're not like a big, strong force to be reckoned with or anything. He's a corgi. He sounds a little bigger, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, okay, this is a weird, like, point to bring up, but I just realized I never, ever, these times, like, where is your dog? Like, where does your dog go? Or like, do you not, like, I think I never see your dog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, he's, he's, Pip's been sleeping a lot more, like he's getting a little older, so like he's a lot better just kind of chilling out. He, he's getting like more nervous though lately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't wa- I watch- But he's older, man. But he's only like two, like, I- I put on like, any movie I put on now that's not this fireplace, he leaves the room and freaks out. Or if I shut the door, he'll start running circles. We- I used to watch anything in here with him, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's getting, there'll be a slightest noise upstairs. He doesn't just bark, he has like a scream that's his first one. It's so, it scares the fuck out of me, like twice a day. It sounds like a rooster or a woman screaming. Getting fucking stabbed. It's horrifying, it's a horrible noise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My roommates send me any video on Instagram that has to do with a corgi, cause they're like, you got a corgi, and I do them most 90% of the time, they're very cute, but now my entire fucking feed is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was never like a corgi guy, that's not why I got a corgi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just knew I wanted like, um, eum, small dog. And then my mom's like, what about corgi? I'm like, I don't know, those are, I guess like, sure, corgi. But there's such a like, fandom of corgi owners where they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I know he's just a little animal. You know, like I'm not like trying to put human shit on him all the time where like these videos are like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I won't like, like when people give voices to dogs, like I've had people where like, he just puts so much into their cat, and they're like, my cat's all like, oh, I want, I'm like, no he's not, he's just like, he's probably like, what the hell's going on, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They know, like they can understand the levels of like, what they, you know, shit to get reward, but they're, you know, they're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a dog in my house where I'm like, this dog is the most dog dog that ever, you know, it's just like, you know, he's just like, eh, he just wants bone and laid out. Like he's just a dog. Yeah. And then pip a little bit. I'm like, get a little bit of a soul vibe, but he's definitely just like, he's just like an honorary little bastard. But Mo, the dog that went down the stairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Mo might be the least brained capacity. That's my favorite dog ever, though. Like, I love Pip to death, but like Mo is just, I just pick him up like a little baby and just hold him, and he just look, look at you in the eye. Yea, he's my first boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think all parents love their firstborns more. Sam, you're probably not the favorite, but you could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could just name it Hogarth at that point and then it's nickname would be Ho. Yeah. That would be fine. Little fucking Ho. That'd be good. She'd probably do great in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a handyman, so I don't know, it's like, it's like a little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not a mannequin, but it's like a little cutout of a man that you put a suit on and put a fucking, like, it's called a lazy, so I don't know, it's got a name. It's like a weird thing from the 80s. And like you put clothes on it and whatever and it's, you know, blah blah blah. I have it in my room now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lira's day against, cause it was dark out and it was just in the middle of my room. The way my lighting hits my, I just have like a pull down curtain thing that's very light. I could see it clear as day and I immediately was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like a family right there. I'm now like so uncomfortable in my bedroom, and I haven't checked it, but I assume my bathroom's the exact same. So they've seen some pretty wild stuff go down in there too. They've seen a man upside down trying to, you know, shoot in his own mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna have to get curtains or whatever, blackout curtains. I guess I need like some better form of curtain. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 20 years and I felt like a man in there. I really felt emasculated. And then I, you know, I was, I had to immediately ask a woman that worked there, where are they? Fuck. I'm like, where's Jane?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't have the right chain, so I bought a lot of like, actually I have extras right here, I don't know. You know it's, I always liked the idea of doing like little sculptures with, I always liked like little, little things from hardware stores, like I stole a bunch when I was a kid for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Left the fucking front short. Or long, front long. It's like, I just, I don't know, I just like wearing a hat. And I can't see the fucking disco ball. And like four times I've thought I'm gonna do a bit where like my head goes through it and I'm like, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I know instead I just hurt the fuck out of my head and it's, you know, it's like 40 pounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not, this is one of like seven rooms I've fully furnished. Like it is gonna be, it is gonna be a fucking, especially cause I'm probably going to move to a much smaller place after this. It's going to be some sort of nightmare that keeps me here, which is a nightmare. It keeps me in this cycle of nightmares. Um, but I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Omid once, like, Devon and I had moved to DC, which I think could be cool. I did like DC, but like, I wanted to live in New York City for a while. Like, I wanted to just, I'm a very, you know, I'm a small town woods guy, you know, I wanted to give something like the complete opposite a try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like, I'd almost now rather try living in a shithole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Mead's got his own thing set up with his friends, so like, it would probably just be like Devon and I, or- You know any New York fellas? I do, I do, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every aspect of my life would be very different than it currently is or ever has been. Which I'm kind of like, I feel like I need like, I feel like I'm in a pivotal part of my life where I need like kind of a shake up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just so comfortable, but also like so wildly not comfortable. I don't know, it's a weird juxtaposition of like, I'm like so sedentary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Either like I'm about to be set in my ways for the rest of my life or I need to like change shit up and like make it more positive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you don't wanna be, you don't wanna be stuck. I, well, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so weird because it's like, I would, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I like, moved back to the area I'm from or whatever, but it's so just what's expected, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, you know, I'm like, cause they don't know, oh god I just remembered, oh fuck. Okay, so like, they don't know anything about this world of me. Or like, if they watched a podcast, my family would be like, what the fuck. I'm a true, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm very private about my private life to my family. I don't know why. I don't even really like it. I don't like how secretive I am. But the other day, my mom and sister and nephew came over and I opened up Steam because they're like, we want to play a video game. And I'm already like, I've checked the whole house. I've taken down anything where I'm like, this could probably poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I fucking open up Steam and in the top right corner, you know, it's got your thing, but I'm like, okay, no one's paying attention too much. I go to fucking exit out. I hit enter big screen mode. I'm on this monitor where like they can even see it. It puts it back on this monitor and says like, welcome, Papa Poob. And no one said anything. I immediately like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, she's just like, she's just way better than me at everything. And I, I like, she didn't, she didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She didn't, she didn't give a notion or anything that she saw it. And we're like, all right, let's go upstairs. And my mom leaves the room and I like grab her. I'm like, you didn't see anything on that, right? She's like, I don't know. Maybe I did see something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, okay, we're cool though, right? Like, you're not gonna tell, you know, like, what did you see? And she's like, I don't know, I saw a username.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also, it would change the way I stream if I knew my family could be watching. So I like, don't want it at all, and I like, immediately was like, we're cool, we're cool, right? Like, we're cool, and she's like, I think mom's on to you. Like, she was talking about like, Papa Poop. She thinks my name is? I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's way too close. You'd find it if you looked at it. The crazy thing is, they're so bad at internet, I've been worried for a while that they'd just look up Sam Podcast, and it'd show up, because fucking Sam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, that's all they have to look up. Like, I thought they're so bad at it because they're like, we don't know your name. But if they just looked up my name podcast, it'd pop up. That's why I'm like mortified.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, yeaah, they might have found me out, blah, blah, blah. I can't remember where I was before that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need my goddamn contacts, I'm rocking like two month old contacts, but I had a weird interaction with my eye doctor so I haven't been back, but I think I just want to get late sick at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was weird with me, I have the reverse, I have the reverse issue where like, you look good with glasses, I would look good with them if I didn't have my prescription, but they make, I'm so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like reverse Steve Urkel. I'm so nearsighted that they make my eyes like this big. Like, you can see the side of my head like right here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make your- I dunno, his eyes- Yours are good for it. But like, I just wanna get- Fuck it, I just wanna be done. I'm so comfortable with contacts, but I'd rather-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's when you're at like, it's when you're at night, when you're in an emergency. I'm so blind without them. It's for survival. I would be, if someone just, post-apocalypse someone just breaks my glasses. Okay, I'm dead. You know, like there's nothing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom and brother got it and like they're to the point where they're like squinting again, but it's been like eight years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much is it? It's like, I asked my eye doctor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Insurance doesn't really help, it's like $5,000 or something. Which is like, yeah, fucking sucks, but also-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, there's no way, like, I'm pretty confident in the eye care system that like, they wouldn't blind me. But I just am very also aware that if I ever went blind or had vision damage, I'd kill myself instantly because I can't picture shit well. Same with like, if I went deaf, like, I can't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Elicit Soundwell, it's just all silence and darkness in me. Yeah, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would definitely jump off like, a two hundred story building or something. I've said that before, I would definitely want to make it like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'd probably- I'd be doing the same thing, but worse. Probably. I wouldn't- I'm not built for corporate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Parks, bro. I'm so, I'm jealous. My, my stepsister and her boyfriend are, they're like right now in between like, either Key West or Alaska, where they're gonna go live for like, four months. For uh, some program for their college. I'm like, well first of all, there's two completely opposite things. They're about as different as can be. But then my stepmom,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, like, my stepmom is just like, I think they should go for it, and then live across country, or like live in Europe for a couple years, and my stepmom's so cool about all that shit, and my mom is like the complete opposite, where like, I'm thankful that my mom, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just like could not be any more different, but you know, it's a benefit a lot from having both of them in my life. So I can't complain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been getting so many god damn cause I liked one TikTok of a guy skiing. Now my entire page is like people skiing and snowboarding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it makes me so, like when I was a kid I used to ski all the time, it makes me so nostalgic for it, like I wanna go back, I wanna learn snowboarding, you know I like skiing but I wanna try snowboarding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my bitch mom couldn't put up with it so I could learn skiing better. But yea, I went to ski school and everything. I got pulled out of ski school because my mom being the very protective, very, like I'll kill someone if they look at you wrong. She went to the school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And maybe we should wear helmets, I don't know, or face guards, I don't know what you fucking wear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it really is scary though, like, when you go skiing when you're not comfortable, the ski lifts and shit, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went a couple years ago, I'm like, I haven't gone in, you know, 15 years, you know, I don't know, maybe I might suck. I did suck. I mean, I picked it up quick again, but, you go on the ski lift the first time, there's no one there to like, hold your hand. You just have to like, meander to it, and then just BOOM, picks you up, and then all of a sudden you're like 30 feet in the air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I did see a funny video, where a guy got shot out of one, and he's going down the hill, and he fell down, and he's just like, star fell, like he's just, he's going so fast down the hill, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's just, like, flying down it and he knocks over, like, at the beginning of the video, you're like, oh, he knocks over a guy and his, like, uh, and a girl, like, that's funny. And he keeps going, and then you're like, holy shit, how is he still going? He knocks over probably 20 plus people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to do like black diamonds as a kid, now it's like I would be just mortified to go on the fucking bunny slope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Longboardin' and- Oh, dude, I know. I feel like I'm at that age where like, like yeaah, I used to like longboardin', skateboardin' stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now it's like, if I did that hill, I'd die. I can't believe I was doing it. No protective gear or anything. Just being like, what, it's fun, like, it's cool. It's like, well, you're one, any mistake away from just fucking yourself up. Skin grass. Now I'm like, so much more conscious about like, ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That could affect your job, that could affect your hobbies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't seen that, but it is horribly sad when I had to like watch my grandma like, and you're like, okay, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, well, one day I'm gonna be this, you know, like one day I'm gonna be just an old person, incapable of the most basic task. I'm kinda hoping I go out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit scares me, cause like, when I think, like my dad I feel like is kinda, uh, I mean he's not a young dad, but he's a younger dad for like people my age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then my grandpa was like a young grandpa and then he just got fuckin' ALS and it just, it just wipes you out. My dad just turns 47 or 48.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When is my dad gonna look like my grandpa, you know? Like, when does it turn? I don't want that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I'm gonna just start looking like a wine, finer with age, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Fuuuck. It's funny cause my siblings and I are so wildly different ages. We're like, I've thought about that before, like, the other day, like, we just talked about it in front of my mom, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Older brother, he gets the cafe, like we got it, we got it gone, and we like shook on it. My mom's like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? But my older brother's like 30, 31. My little sister's like 12.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know, I'm whatever age I am. Like, there's no, there's no good way to lead the ha- like, I don't- I'm prob- I'm more set up, I feel like, than my older brother, so I don't wanna like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't wanna, you know, take that role, but I'm definitely not the leader of the family. You know, I'm the white sheep, like someone else has gotta step up. Hopefully my parents live for like 80 more years?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you want your parents to bury you. I know. Yeah. I was saying that to my brother the other day. I was like, we were joking around about something. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, maybe he'll get to bury me. He's like, dude, I, my, my lifestyle is so much wildly worse. Like, you would have to die of some unnatural cause for me to bury you. I'm like, well, you don't know. Like, we'll have to see who will be buried first. Cause, you know, you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the funny thing is, the knife I had, my grandma gave it to me, it's got a little cop emblem on it. They'd feel real bad after they gunned me down when they checked the knife, and it's just like a little cop badge on it. It's a commemorative, like, police union donator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And his dad, he got so lucky his dad was in a wheelchair at the time. So the guy was like, oh, you got a wheelchair dad? You're speeding to what, like the hospital? He just got out free, but yea, it was like a clown, it was like a clown pig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think? Wow, I never thought about it. No, I don't think so. But, Kale...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so funny to me, like, Devon and I's IRL friends, like, meld together. But, Kayle, my friend Will sent me, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Kale's never been on any of the dating apps, and I, so I set him up a profile, like, while we were in there together, and I put it on Dallas for a day, cause he didn't want-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that was probably not good for your own confidence. I would not have helped that. Like, he doesn't need dating apps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, he's got good merch, actually, my friend Will was wearing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck, dude? You've been on the channel for like a couple of months? What's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess he's just like a way cooler, way hotter, just like more chill guy than me, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just Devon, I don't, dude, he's like an ex MLB professional. He's just like a guy that knows Devon through I think Tarkov.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, come on, like, I'll give you guys raids or whatever, like, it'd be really fun to get another IRL friend that does it, and they're all like, no, not interested. I'm happy with my job. Yeah. Even the ones that don't like their job, they're like, nah, I don't wanna do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the worst I could have? You're already playing video games when you're not working all the time. You know, it's not a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a lot of them don't want, like, they don't want to be like, known.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our own teammate today, he let like, he was doing the floating goalie, he let like five like slow rolls in on our side, and then he was like a master on the enemy's team. Like dude, are you like, what is this, like you put money down or something? Like are you betting against us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, no man, I'm just trying to figure it out. And he would hit like a crossbar or a fucking thing off of it and he'd do a front flip and grab it. Okay, I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, yeah, for five minutes, it's fun, it's the hard, the worst part about the game is getting a group together, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, let's think of something, um, and Staltz, well wait, Staltz is gonna cut out that part about my name, so there's probably gonna be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that is so impressive. Oh my fucking god. That would be awesome. I'll do that. We should do editor twerk-off. Let's have all of our editors do a twerk-off. Alright, Stalk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, it already blushed, I saw that. Saul gives a great hug. I think I've said that before, but he gives a like, he gives them exactly like my uncle, where it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We both got to watch the movie one day, they came, they came together. Cause there's a part in it I'm directly referencing where Paul Rudd, Paul Rudd's grandma, like she gives him like, Paul, holy shit, a decent spider just swung onto the wall, like web swung and stuck to the wall. Maybe it's like, maybe you'll be a spider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, Paul Rudd's like, gets life advice from his grandma, and they're like, oh, I love you, bubby. And then it just slowly turns into like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you feel the sexual tension rise, even though it's his grandma character, and they've got like forehead to forehead, and he like pulls up the back of her dress and you see like, she has like a perfect ass. And he's like, God, God, Bubbiona, fuck you so bad right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That movie's hot, and it's good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's with me and romcoms? Well, see the thing with me and romcoms is that they came together is the single best parody of romcoms ever created by David Wayne. Uh, just real genius shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, not the only one. It's the only parody movie that's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like not only is it just funny dumb parody, it's also genius. It's a genius parody on it. It's not just like those like epic movies and shit. They're so like parody for the sake of parody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is like, this is real shit. This is real. The reviews, don't look at them. It's not important. Don't look at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, dude, Hot Rod, Hot Rod, I've definitely brought this on the podcast. I, when we were kids in, uh, elementary, they were like right to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he didn't goddamn reply, and a bitch got a reply from goddamn Johnny Depp. At the time was like the biggest he's ever been in his life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. Welcome. Yeah, how you doing? Thank you. You're still doing the phone thing, I've heard all about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The patron lounge there, that was awful, but they were surprisingly nice to Lisa when she came back. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what happened earlier, but at least a different story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So after the last podcast, I was looking, I saw your hoob, what you said about just checking Facebook Marketplace for random shit. Couldn't find a lot. I live in Victoria, BC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, some guys looking for a nerdy girl with an empty wallet. He wants to pay her 250 dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or have a hidden minx inside of her that wants to burst out reveal herself. He says he's an older guy, 65.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, we get a lot of ships in, like 10,000 people from the US every day during the summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lots of them are like, you know, can I have a Bud Light? And that, that changes. Yeah, it cruises. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was made after the, uh, battle of Normandy. There was French and British soldiers. The British had gin. The French had sparkling wine. This is the story anyway. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I've never heard this. Yeah, go for it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys ever been to LA before?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen, uh, his friend Aiden Mattis from, uh, Lore Lodge?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today I feel great. Yea, I feel a lot better. I feel excellent. We were all feeling like death, cause uhm, everybody stayed up way later than we thought they would. Like Aqua, I would never assume that he would like be out till like 3am in the morning. With energy drinking and all that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vizzle was saying some of those, like, rich guys on the fucking hill were like, you gotta do something about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you'll still meet with everybody, like, that's just a gathering point. There's people that do meet and greets, there's the games, the, you know, exhibits or whatever, you know, all that. But for the most part, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he had like some kind of knee surgery and then he took that, we were talking about, he took that extra cartilage and bone marrow, whatever the fuck, and he put it on his like shoulders and his face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, we were talking about that. I, I, I met up with, uh, them last night. And I was like, she was like, yeah, he, he thought that was funny. He said, yeah, that's gonna be the joke of the night. I'm just gonna forget about your, your fucking name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, you said the party wasn't good. I don't think any fucking TwitchCon party has been good. No, but this wasn't good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, the Tarkov meetup? Was it great? Did you guys talk about Tarkov for like maybe 40 minutes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just watched Handmaiden's Tale. I got fin- although I got finished that, yea. Oh, really? Yea, I got to like four seasons in like, I don't know, a week. I was like, that's enough. For now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, uh, not a, not a lot of, no, it's not a happy show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, like- No, we're back to back. That sucks. You put the amount of plants. Where's that going?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, after 11 they don't fly em. Yeah, we should do like a post 11. The problem is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we were just saying, uh, is, cause now Devon, Poob and I have taken a few trips together


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will, I'll consent, I'll consent to the lowest point I've ever had, I guess, well I guess, so far. So, Forehead Fables Exclusive. So, Forehead Fables Exclusive, is this part gonna be snipped for the lowest of Patreon? Breaking, breaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, anyway, I get the tequila shots. They don't take them. I had like five. Our buddy, Mr. Palm Beach Austin, a great guy, he takes at least one, I think maybe two, I forget. Half the fucking house, like four of them. I'm just like, you know, so I'm just out of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, there's one more coherent thing I did, which was the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was, uh, the last conscious moment fully I had that night. He put on Imitation Gamer going to bed. I was like, oh, is that the, is that the one where they crack the code?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Devin might want to add to this, but uhm. I'll throw in some perspective. Last, uh, little recap. I'm blasted. I'm in Devin's room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most blasted I've probably been in my life. And last coherent thought of the night before blackness, darkness, was him playing imitation game. I think even like, woah, this was watching the movie imitation game. I'm like, is that the one with the, the code? I did watch that movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so I saw the glint in his eye. Devin doesn't get angry. I've only seen him angry a few times. And I'll do to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, for, like my kids, they got the car seats that are just padded to hell and back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the way my kids have been acting, I feel like I want to save the dog more than the kids sometimes. You should start putting the dog in the middle seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got, uh, the tri- mine's kiwi guava.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well lemme, you want me to get you on the latest? I don't know if it's a publicly traded company, but on Amazon,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have open sores in my mouth because they're too sour and they're stripping away the insects.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna buy another drawer? Uh, no, I don't think I should. There's like three left in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there, there's not, well the ones at the bottom are unfortunately covered with more of the sour sugar stuff, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like today, I was in a foul fucking mood before, like 10 minutes before we started this podcast, I was talking to BB and MuscleBust and we were laughing and stuff, it calmed me down, but before that I was feeding the kids lunch, and we, I thought I was gonna be so nice, we got them


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cheese sticks that were frozen themed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know the movie Frozen? And, uh, I got out two cheese sticks. I was like, look, frozen cheese sticks! Gave one to Olivia, gave one to Madeline. Madeline, Olivia's had Elsa on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would be implicated in some way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, dude, people like that will just try to fuck anybody. They don't care. They don't care. This guy would uhm, there's basically, in England, there's a very strange place, they have like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy watches Babestation and he'll sit there and like tweet out to them. Like tweet out to the ladies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how many times I would like leave HBO on and then like wake up in the middle of the night and it would be some like NC-17 movie. That'd be playing. Some French film. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I remember in middle school, there was a kid that got bullied for a long time after this, but have you ever seen someone that's popular in like the hierarchy and especially middle school because it's so fragile how quick you can go from popular to not popular?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a kid that went to go kiss a girl in front of a bunch of people and he did the tongue but he didn't know how to do tongue and so he just put it really far down her mouth and she threw up on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt that way about my brother because my brother was always way more talented than me musically. And I remember, this is fucked up, I've said this before but I remember starting in band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was, I was playing, and like, I heard my mom talking to the band instructor, Mr. Perigo. Oh, you, yeaah. Yeaah, and uh, and the band instructor was just like, he was like, he ain't no Zack, you know, he, he, he, he ain't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. He's like, he, he, he's as good as Zach. And then my mom, like, I heard it and I was like, crushed. And then my mom turned around, being an awesome mom, and later in the car she told me, he said that, I was like, oh, so I didn't just mishear you actually. Yeaah. Yeaah. She's like, band instructor says you suck ass. Yeaah. Yeaah. And you should give up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right before he went up, this girl went up there and sat at the drum set and basically did the ending of Whiplash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I should, I should, honestly. I should bring him. Zach, you wanna go to Vegas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm all just General Sam, I don't care if they saw that information to be honest. Well, they know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, just dog shit on Twitter. Twitter's just like, yeaah, scream something into the void. But threads is very much like, start something intriguing. It must actually be a conversational point. And so then I get more of like that, the hang up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a huge number from zero. Yea, that's a lot for like, I have, I'm following one person, and I haven't advertised it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just made it. I told nobody about it. It just, it just goes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, honestly that might be, that might be a good, uh, what is that called, uh, transferable audience or whatever? Because I know when Facebook Gaming was trying to, to be big, they would, they would go after all the big names of YouTube back in the day and they would give them ridiculous contracts for insane amounts of money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the problem is is that when those people got like the mixer contracts and the mixer went under,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Facebook gaming's never gonna run out of money, so they got their contract for like, you have to stream on Facebook gaming for this amount of time. Yeaah. Facebook's not gonna go under. Those people basically just career-suicided in order to get a big tech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, like the last time I got on Facebook, I was looking at, we used to have a group chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not group chat, what are those called? It's just a Facebook group. And we would make old rage comics. Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were hand made rage comics from me, Steve, and there was this alcoholic kid, uh, Tony, that we would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, I remember some of the iFunny era because you would get stuff from iFunny and then you would, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Tony, but it was some chick on like, Rainbow Six or something like that.