[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell? Well, you can pre-order them for like 30 bucks and, cause they don't make a lot of them and they sell out pretty quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Unfortunately, but you does have the dick imprint on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys left the toy somewhere and had to go get it? Like two of my favorite action figures ever, I dramatically...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, okay, we did lose my, my friend, my friend that we played with these toys had a pond and we'd take him out on a raft and like, it's like multiple times the raft would like flip and we'd be like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My friend's mom was like, no, we're not going back. And I started like crying in the backseat. I'm like, this is my favorite toy. It's so cool. Like I'm not going to be able to get another one. And she just like, is like, and plays


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, why are you crying, dude? If you lost that little caveman, you wouldn't cry. You're the coolest guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell yeaah, that's pretty cool. I also, I was a big beanie baby kid because my grandma worked at a store that sold beanie babies and I'd be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have like a Tarkov series. They have like Tarkov streamer series.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're being misused. Yea, so many people will be like, you gotta make freaking FTs man, like you'll make a kill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but then you can take a picture of you with it. But I wouldn't have to pay for it, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say there is like some, what if I've got a crazy, what if we've got crazy business ideas cooking up in this brain? By next April, this will probably be nothing, right? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now it's like, if my car were to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So uhm, that's only like the price of a salmon FTE.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also have, I have a display case that I have nothing in for like two years and I think I know what I could put in there. Yea, I would not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the time, cause it just kinda blends in with the grey cement walls down here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love badass wars, okay, with my actions. You can still have badass wars. Also, legos are making like a total, like they are expensive as shit right now. People are going crazy for legos. They got nothing to do. I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a Lincoln log kid, I guess. If I was gonna build, I had a big ol' tub of Lincoln logs. Like an American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, weird aside, right before we started recording, Brian remarked to you, he was like, is that the spaceship that blew up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I found that when I was a child, I saw a spaceship launch in Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why this is my background today, I just picked a random photo I had in my photo folder. Uhm, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just know your bed is getting worse, man. It is getting worse. Yeah, check this out. It's getting less homey. Do you not sleep on this bed? No, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, I do appreciate articulation, which is a definite, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We say it's a subathon in the woods, but instead of subs keep us going, the trail, it's like a big hike, really. You can talk to Voodoo Rangers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how they behave there. Not once the funeral's over. Yeah, like I would.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god, they're following us. Now the cameras are off, like oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't remember the last time I just like fell. I just lost my balance doing something and fell. One day I'm just gonna be incapable of like my cat-like reflexes I currently have. And what I'm just gonna do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, dude, I need to start going to the gym. I don't want, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can just look unkempt if you have fucking- You can look gross if you have a coconut. This isn't like the 80s anymore. You can just carry the little lunchable spoons that are like this fucking big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a podcast where he's like, yeah, Poop keeps like leaning down and he keeps like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I- I'm not on the podcast though, yeah. I'm not, I'm, I've barely ever even, well, I've never done it, but if I had, it would have been only like, ice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not- I'm not a big fan of anything harder than like, weed, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's like if you get an El Camino and everyone's like, it's like the my name is Earl Carr. That is culturally impactful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was crazy. Duke boys did it again. We should end this episode with a freeze frame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, not yet. Maybe not yet, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sucked too, like, growing up. I didn't get Xbox Live until...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, probably COD 4, or MW2 era.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was only at my dad's house cause he moved to like the city into my mom's house. We just didn't have good enough internet to have Xbox live. So I'd like go over to my mom's and just be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her house was like, way nicer too, but my dad was like, had Xbox Live and also like, fun food, but it was really just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and just like the- I don't know why it was such a struggle to get like, gamer points or whatever. The like, what were they called? Like the- you know, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I remember... Change your name if you had enough. Insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. It wasn't very hard on me, I wish it had been worse, but... You would have had Xbox fuckin' both.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, see the thing was just like, am I moms? I don't know how, but it's like, we always had a lot of like, original Xbox and then 360, but it's, there's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play your single player games, play your Mortal Kombat, play your split screens. And they go to my dad's and it's like, this is, I'm gonna play Halo 3 and MW2 until I like pass out fucking playing it. And my mom's like thinking like, oh my god, I only have 48 hours left and like that time is ticking down while I'm over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got so lucky with that. Yeah. Funny as a kid, the stuff where you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When my dad had to sell his house and move into an apartment, I'm like, now we have apartment internet!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was when there was a person on the other team in Call of Duty called beatbygirl and they had a point like zero one KD, like the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like almost like statistically impossible KD any of us had ever seen. And we're like, if you lose to this person, like, well, like if they kill you, like, Jesus Christ, man, like you probably shouldn't, you know, be playing with us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone back in the day, you would talk to every person in the lobby. Yea. And then nowadays, like, everyone's in discord and shit or in a party. Yea. You'd hardly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Direct correlation there. I had a really bad era of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just my one friend and I, and like, now we're like, really good friends, but back then, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We only knew each other through one of, like one of our, like this one guy was like both of our really good friends, so we only knew each other through Xbox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There'd be so many times where we'd be the only two people on MW2, like, let's run it up, and our connection types wouldn't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why this happened back then. It was like open and closed nets or some shit. We couldn't connect with each other to save our lives. We'd have to like go into a lobby and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey man, can you invite my friend and I into a lobby and then you can just leave? Like if someone else invited us, or we'd be like, okay, start at three, two, one, sorry, we're not in the same lobby, fucking restart, three, two, it was a nightmare. I had that too. I had the clothes and that type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only fucking guy on. Yea, I had clothes for some reason. Horrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None of you guys should ever try to be anything but a podcaster is what you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely, yeaah. It's probably more like being a justice but being a family feud host is a pretty big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been more of them, you know, there's definitely been a decent amount, but it's like you got your Steve Harveys, you know? Yea. You got your Steve Harveys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what's, Howie Mandel's thing is he's like an insane germaphobe too or something, I don't know. Is he? Yea, I'm pretty sure he is. Yea, he is. He's a huge germaphobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they have a Deal or No Deal channel, and now every time I turn my TV on, it's on Deal or No Deal, and I'm always like, well, I mean, they're like doing pretty well. Maybe I can see this through before I watch my stories. And, uh, it's, I mean, it's kind of, is it the best game show ever? Probably not, but... How you man dealt so electric out there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they had to have recast until 1970.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But look, Curly suffered a depilitating stroke in 1946, wait, and then Schimp returned, died of a heart attack in 1955, and then Curly died in 1952. They like, they just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little, uh, post it. Aw, that's good. That's good. You know, little rascals fucking take on three stooges any day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what? I think I hate the three suges. I used to like them when I was a kid. I like the idea of them. I love the block for eye pokes. I will never, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking want him gone. Dude, I don't want him to ever come back in any media.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had 50 episodes together, you're still getting us those watches, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, should we do like, do you want to do a proper introduction?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, with both arms you can probably get ahold of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, you have to, you have to just go up. That's an, that's an extension that you can buy. Yeah. And you'll see, you get eyes and a mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bruce Willis' and like Sam's, like, two of his favorite movies, so. Makes sense. What are those? Uh, Pulp Fiction and, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good thing you don't have to hang out with him, you can just watch him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he really is. Good times, that's a good movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're doing like a more like serial killer-y. Riddler, yeaah. Looking riddler. Wasn't the original joke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd have to watch that. Not jerk off to it, just watch the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still making the movies? Are they done with those? I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a kid's movie, so. It is, yeaah. He's a fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a good submarine movie in a while, I gotta say. I was thinking about that the other day, like, cause someone literally was like, is there any movies with submarines? And the only one I could think of was Hunt for Red October. And I saw someone the other day like, what's the best volcano survival movie? I'm like, they haven't made one of those in so goddamn long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I just found a stray dog and it was Chupacabra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Show with a live audience, okay? Like, almost like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Or to show off as a fully claymation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every generation's getting a little bit less racist than his family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Robot penis, put that out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck yeaah. They've been railing me hard because like on the podcast months ago I mentioned that in season 3 I like cried when I first watched it. Oh yeaah. When uh, when like your character dies and Ted like is all sad about it and I've just been getting shit about that since.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awesome that you've leveraged it though into now, like, your original dream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have your wife and your kids. Kinda just bummers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How I used to be like in terms of like professionalism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like I'd almost have to like go and get a masters to like reintegrate myself into my major.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the longevity like, you know, realistically, like, will I be able to afford all these things? If I stay as sad and single and you know, no kids as I am now, I'd like to do it for like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited to see it, but now I'm going to be looking at it through this lens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, that was, that's so unfortunate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's so cool. I'm so excited to see some like good action scenes that aren't cut off a million times. Like punches with some good impact and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I agree. I love Daredevil, the show. I thought they had some pretty great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be lying if I'd say, you know, I haven't been thinking about, I just want like a clip, it'd be great for a one move movie though of a, just a regular guy and his move is just like jumping like wire assisted like across the bar to double hand choke someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, what? I saw, I saw. There's one, I know like what the Harman, Dan Harman one has like animation or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm not a fucking needle, I don't know, just hit it with a shoe or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not important. Dude, I look- Isn't Bird an aviologist?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean they're both just weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, bird and bugs are similar. Their bones are similar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been eating there a lot lately. They don't have shit for fast food around here. No Chick-fil-A within 20 minutes. No potato. That sucks. All they have are Hardee's and Arby's and I don't- I've never even eaten out of Hardee's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I- were we about to go to a topic, Sam, or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we went to some bar, blah blah blah, like on our way out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just like little like kinda like small trailer home type things right next to the bar. These guys had a putting green outside of one. It was like decent size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Worst member on a golf team at a school that shouldn't have a golf team. Like, we never did anything anyway. And I fucking nail that shit. I don't get paid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm about to kill this fucking guy. Wait, he wouldn't pay you? No, you're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That once at a bar guy was like, dude, I love your mullet. And I just had to take it. I was like, dang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking long hair, right? I had, dude. Like you had a big ass bowl cutter or something, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I don't know why I was just so nervous being in the building, like, you know, like blah blah blah, what license deserves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, and like, I just didn't correct them. And my ID, like, all throughout high school is just like, 5'9", or like, 5'8", I think it says on it, and I'm just like, why didn't I go up? Like, why didn't I fucking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just like pure like high school kid panic in that situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean there were some parts that didn't hit for me, but I, you know, I overall thought it was pretty enjoyable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, okay, Sam, you haven't seen all of Avatar?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, perfect like wrap up, it's so good. Legend of Core is pretty good too, it's not as good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it might start a little slow, but it's, it's really fucking good. The beginning sucks ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But your kid won't know. Yea, your kids will just be like, I don't know what the fuck your kids even think, probably just not even words or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No yea, what's the, what is your older one like? What are her hobbies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, I do walk outside. Little brother's a boy, yeaah, Brian. I go out sometimes and I thought you were about to say he's a boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had ever seen that in real life. Really? And I fucking went here and I was just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he just would come to meetings and just sit there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm just telling you, don't underestimate them, there's a lot they can do. Really? Yeah. They're like, almost like people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, there's like, like, he's wearing headphones a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how it works, but they've got like, future tech helping these guys be better coders than I could ever be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't uphold like that website. You couldn't fucking like do his job with a super computer, you know? Like, he's just a really smart guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm like mega stressed, I've had it like two or three times. I used to sleep on my back a lot too. Now I just don't really because it started happening like when I'd sleep on my back. And sometimes like you could feel it coming on and like you can get out of it like early before anything creepy happens. But I had had it before where like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, sure man. I want more too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, mine's from a drive-thru alas, and I'd have to go brew some, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Arctic. Oh, that's, yeah, okay. Is the hiking trip gonna get fucked by the stealth variant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't stay there, get a hotel, yeaah. What about uh, about aqua?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and any of the food in the fridge, yours. Take yourself at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, I bet, I bet they've got a guest room in that place. Are you kidding me? With that voodoo ranger money? Oh yea, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is good though, it's pretty tasty. I drink god damn dude, their choice of drink in Florida is Corona big time and I'm fine with it but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, uh, I'll be fine, I've been drinking a couple days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a hobbyist, uh, but no, like I never even really got that drunk this week and we just drank a lot. It just was like, uh, like you'd just be like, oh, sounds sour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And luckily, I mean, like Devin's like the same age and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of, uh, just like, old, like, white people just standing at the bars, like, stop, like, hitting on people. It's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes when I, cause like he'll leave for like a week and then like their mom will bring him back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Book of like, mixed media, you know, like freaks, stickers, like fuckin' photos and shit, just like, like doodles. I don't know, it'd be dope. But, I'm sure it'd be expensive also.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, it's made by the guy that does the animation for Bob's Burger and all that stuff, but it's like a lot of, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's pretty like entertaining, I don't know. It's a great like, put it on the back of your toilet book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, with a flat roof almost. Dude, what if you fucking dropped a cinder block just from like five feet above her head? Like, that w- I guess that could fucking destroy you, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that one fuckin' Vanilla Sky or whatever? The Tom Cruise movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's with that development that I feel like was totally fake? What about the girl who like, caught him? Did you see that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like she had like, planned it out, yea, to like, she wanted to take him down really hard and she was never gonna like, or she was gonna use it to make him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or make her kill herself. Yeah, it was like the original plan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that this chick is apparently like insane and like animal abused a bunch of shit. But this, I have no, like, no basis on if this is true or not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I know that's like the whole thing, but this one was like a pretty like- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you do that? I've seen his, like, I've seen the penis before and I can't remember if it's because-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I don't think it was because it was mutilated, but I wouldn't also, that does like sound familiar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna save, I'm gonna save four, I don't remember. Okay, what about you Sam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wouldn't do two is the answer, two in a row. I don't feel like because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sharks. Uh, something's like autistic. Let me get in the mind of an autistic person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it's Sam, I loved on that. Did you look at the comments on that Sinral Gam video you post? It was the worst I've ever seen it, on the ODST one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you see the guy, like the four guys below you just said that? Like, how do they think they're contributing anything? It's just weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's probably not the same one, but there's like a stretch of like where you, when we go to where we go in Florida, like an hour of driving through woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awesome. I love Piggly Wiggly. It's where you go get groceries on the island. Pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Don't talk shit about pigglies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's like a gas station grocery store type hybrid. It's like a jack of all trades. At least the one I've been to, it's weird. And it's not that big, but it had like- The essentials, yea. It had, yea, like what you need. Like Oreos and chocolate milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's badass. Have you, have you ever been through one of those drive through gas stations?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I've never gotten gas, but I think they can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a drive-through. It's like a drive-through, but it's like if you drove inside of the McDonald's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone gotta plug anything, anyone's got something they wanna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A charity of choice, or? Uhm, UNICEF. The GoFundMe. The kids. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, welcome to another Forehead Fables podcast episode. We, it's the Late Show, 9pm. Yea, it's like 9, fuck. Yea, we're doing a late one because somebody couldn't wake up at, uh, 1pm Eastern. Apparently it's too early. Fuck do you, what do you think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I tuned into your stream, and you were playing the guitar and singing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're like, dude, we, dude, first of all, we haven't even ordered the pizza yet. Second of all, it takes like 15 fucking minutes for it to cook. And so that like 20 minutes in between walking in the door and receiving your food is agony. Cause they're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She doesn't listen to these stuff, right? We gave up on that? Okay. Yeah, she did. Yeah, she gave up, like, like when she started to work for me, she's like, I need to figure out what this is about. And I stupidly was like, hey, uh, listen to that. Like, I think one of our best episodes is, uh, the Don Tony episode. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a different type of intelligence. It views your ass like a safe hiding spot. It doesn't comprehend sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever seen that movie Dreamcatcher? It's like the Stephen King adaptation. It's like about aliens and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now's, now's the time to, uh, there's something that I've been, um, you know, naturally I think is your mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As you sit there on the toilet or whatever, you come up with fictitious things like little stories and stuff maybe for novels, but a person in that scenario that you're talking about that has a wife and a kid,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everything. Maybe now's the time if you want freedom to think about faking your death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. That's uh, that's horrible. You know what's fucking weird is that I uh, Abby got like, what is that called, like nauseous? Like sick? And she's- She's pregnant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That happened to you? Yeah, well, yeah, so we had to get it like snipped or whatever, right? And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that's less, that's less like, usually they're like rounder. What do you mean it's less, it's less what? It's less, uh, you know, pointy. Is that fair? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I got a question, Carlos. You're, you're tight with peanut, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to find one friend that lives in the bay area, another one that lives in Texas. And then you need to convince them to move into Indiana.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one was this, like, college kids house. They had...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] FSU students, they would have people over for like the FSU game. And that seems like a fun ass time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, my dad started collecting watches, right? And he, like, he's like an eBay guru on watches. Like, he can figure out what's worth what. He knows, like- That's cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was like, oh, my dad's like a watch guy and stuff. Dad, like, uh, for my Christmas or whatever, I forget what it was, like, can I have like a watch? I swear to God, dude, this guy gave me like a Casio, like, like $20!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's your ass. So if we break the law, you need to be the great catcher in the rye to make sure to catch all that shit and delete it before it hits the webs. Have you ever done that? Where you like, you're editing something for wubby and you're like, I'll take that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now, like, Peanut was the token, he was the paperwork guest where we could say we are inclusive, but you're here strictly because- He was not the first, but like, I think he was the first Hispanic person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's some people that the other ethnic people that we had on here could pass as a white.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. There's uh, you know, there's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, once I realized it was the candy store guy, and then secondly I went out in the parking lot and I fucking knifed his tires for his little candy mobile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. We should have had the bluetooth thing because, I'm assuming we'd get free samples, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last night, was it last night? Yea, today's Monday. Last night was fucking horrible because I had just gone out for like this long ass hike and then we came home and cooked dinner and then we fucking, I put the kids to bed, I read them the books and everything and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's, it's acorn, or like, it's like, uh, not acorn shaped, it's like pine cone shaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. Do you know of him? I, I, I do not. Dude, you need to check out his YouTube channel. He's got the funniest thumbnails on the entire platform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the funniest thing in the world. But I was thinking about, like, he, uh, he was a guest on this podcast, great episode and everything, he's a funny guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, that's pretty funny. So, but that's like such a dude thing to do. It's like, ha, look, my dick's in the reflection and everything. What I should do, we were talking about having him back on. I should invite him back on in the day before he comes back on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He can do anything he puts his mind to. I hope he can rosebud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some guy commented on this, that's like an inside scoop on the industry. And he's just like, actually Donna, uh, whereas her stage name is dirty garden girl is actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, uh, Carlos, for the record, that's what made us want her as a guest, is that she prolapsed her ass. She smoked her asshole. So her intestines were outside of her body, and then she put a cigarette in the end of it and tried to smoke it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every podcast has a little snack sesh for Poov and so I didn't mean for those to overlap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're trying to clean up this world, you know, you're trying to take them out. Take matters into your own hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I was looking at that gamer whole thing, dude, Hexlum is just, he is giving it his all on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they know that I like them, but I'm saying, I don't know Hexloom and I'm saying he's doing a damn good job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like maybe pictures of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I felt so horrible, maybe like a month or two?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Having to deal with editing hours of us talking and I'm sure he probably just saw me. Yeah, not this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I lowered the price by half for the podcast and then- That was like a year ago, wasn't it? No, that was like two months ago and they're already back to complaining like entitled brats. 50% off and all of a sudden you're just like, I'm gonna take my $5 and go elsewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, my, my, uh, my brother's the bitch ex-wife now. By the way, he got a divorce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What breed is your dog? We got, we got one of those like blood test kits to like a 23 and me for dogs. Yeah. And they came back and they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has some pitbull and it has golden retriever in it and it has, uh, something else in it. It's just nothing. It's just a load of nothing, which I love cause, uh, you know, mutts often have really strong immune systems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember my brother saying that to my mom every time that I had a fucking, like a black eye or he had thrown a rock and fucked up my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and my dog, we play rough and I'm the only person that plays rough with her. So she's, obviously we're like, we're tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How rough, you just kick her in the head and stuff? No, like, uh, no, you do this thing where you put her on her back and then you like, spin her like a top. Aww.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know nothing about this man, I just know he's a, he, he's a big ol' fat guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like, I hate just- I just hate having to go all the way across town to my doctor and have him do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time a new wave comes out, you're like, maybe this one, this might be the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyways, so the, uh, you guys, I pay you guys through PayPal, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyway, so I, I used the card, like my card for some website and uh, to buy some sex stuff. Then my card all of a sudden was frozen. Yep. My card was frozen because they said there was like some weird activity going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went down to the bank and I was like, Hey, I would like a new card cause like mine got frozen or whatever. And the guy was like, Oh, okay. And he goes and gets me a new card. He's looking at his monitor and I'm like, Hey, can you see like what transaction is the one that caused?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The card to like freeze, like what set it off? And he like scrolls down and I can see that he's like looking at like four days prior.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then give it like an auto-blow mouth. What's Margaret? Margaret's the lady that came with my house. Oh god, is that racist? Wait, oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That owned her, and they were like, she, that was my mother-in-law, she was kind of a bitch, and they just, they were like, you can keep her, we're already gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, wait, before you, before you tell this story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you insinuating that if I take Margaret and place her in the stead of a mannequin head that she could become animated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think if Larry was still alive? Like if he- He is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't really have any insane teachers except for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my shop teacher, usually it's a shop teacher that's the weird one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And our shop teacher was, he used to teach inmates at a prison, so he was just... Jesus Christ. Hard as nails. He would just make you look like a fucking idiot by just staring at you. He would just, he would do that dad thing where he would put down what he was reading and just glare at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you would have, you would put down the circular saw or whatever you were fucking with at the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we keep seeing like all that fighting they're doing in the rainforest, so I think Brazil's starting to cut that shit down so they can kind of get the civil unrest handled. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did they fuck that up? They, they were like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, for you whippersnappers out there, when you play Red Dead and you go to the general store and they have that little pamphlet, that big book, and you go through it and go, oh, you can buy a rifle here. And then you go to the back and you go, oh, I can buy a whole wardrobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's based off a real thing. That's a robot catalog. In the Wild West, you could just go to the general store, get their little catalog and go, yep, I want that farmhouse. Get me a windmill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 20 monkeys and these knickerbockers are looking good. And then you order all that shit, get a Winchester for $4. They ship it to you and you just put it all together. And these fucking people had, that's like the first order service company, I think in the U S and they couldn't wrap their heads around Amazon. Like how does a company with those roots?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would just like bring it on a train cart and then put it on the back of a wagon and dump it off there at your plot of land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, think about this, you now have like phone lines and the internet to make complaints and shit. Back then, like what would they do if they're out in like the frontier, they order a house and you just drop off like a dog house. Like the same house in the picture, but just really small. Just tiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a small documentary with like a bunch of leading scientists describing to you why...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You will never have Star Wars like space travel just because of the insane distances and fuel costs and even if we get like light travel, even faster than light, it's not going to happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple hours or whatever and then, but you're not gonna go see a Ryan's belt or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, speaking of like, I want to go back in time, I was once again watching, I'm like really on these 10 to 20 minute like little history documentaries, like as short as you can get and like as, as super concise as possible. I don't want this overarching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the things that you hear about is just, which you already read the stories and see the movies and hear the songs of like medieval times, where it was like the greatest parts, that was like, or what seems like really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For most people it was like, I hope I get to 12 before I die of dysentery, you know? Like I don't want to go back to that shit. It was horrible. People would like live to the age of 30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your chances of just dying from actual sickness over getting stabbed are pretty high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what I did hear that was pretty cool is if you got into like some sort of uh, uh, trial by combat with your wife, which was a thing you could do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it about a guy fighting his wife in a ditch?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like the king of making movies that are shades of good. You know what I mean? Like, there's always some glaring issue with it. But like, I'll always watch a Ridley Scott movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't- I think my switch hasn't been turned on since I went on a plane ride to go to PAX. I think it was the last time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if, if I just put Barry, my hand, my head in the sand, I'll wake up every morning going, these people love us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've stopped going on my YouTube dashboard, like, cause I would be working my ass off on a video and love it. And then I would put it up and it was just like during a downtrend on my channel and it had nothing to do with the video quality itself. It was just, YouTube just didn't like me that month, you know? And so you'd get discouraged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I hate like do it making a video and then they go and then I hit the thing and it goes, this is the 10th most viewed video out of the last 10 you've made. And I'm like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we'll just be reasonably depressed, like a normal person would be looking for the bad comment. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then we'll ask him like, is there any way that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, I noticed that you, you have a hard time, like, if you focus on one thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you don't like that because in case that one thing breaks concentration, then, then there's a lapse in something going on, which might explain why you just DM'd me your fucking W9 in the middle of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is, my uncle used to do blacksmithing, I realized that is a really bad saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He made me do blacksmithing stuff like just a couple times and just having the one iron in the fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You pull it out and you have like 10 seconds to work on it before it's cold again. But then when you put it in the fire, you're like, if you get sidetracked talking to someone, it gets way too fucking hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I was alone in my sword craftery. I would just be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By myself beating the shit out of trees. My mom had those elephant ears, you know, those plants. Oh, those were the best to be cutting up, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom didn't trust me with like a bow and arrow because we had people directly behind us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, the shurikens were great. I loved them. Uhm, lots of fun times. I will admit, it's something I didn't tell my mom for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So I would get camo clothing, cause my mom's like, I'll buy some for him and not for me. I would get camo clothing and like the little things of face paint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something I did when I was a kid that is very similar, but as I grew up, I realized how insanely dangerous this was. My friend, uhm, this was like a kid that's kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was an insane liar and then it turns out that like, some of the things he had such ridiculous things that he could claim were true that he would use that as an extension to lie about other things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we would like have to wade and swim our way to the door, the hatch door on the side, open it and try to climb out. But like sometimes you jump in and like you would just go like under your head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mine's very similar to that, but it's like a murky, shitty like holding pond. You know how they get like algae and stuff over the top? And I'm waiting in it for some reason. Of course, when you're waiting, you can't fucking move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause if you go to any holding pond around here, you can just like look and go like, there's one, there's one, like they're just everywhere around here. But just like having one right next to you that you didn't even realize cause they just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which might be even more terrifying to just sit there in a cold water tank in the pitch black. At least a shark will take you out in like a second. My camera just freaked out at anybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think like what's funny is the easiest answer is probably the one that happened and like the best hypothesis I've seen is she crawled in and then the maintenance guy walks by and goes like, oh the tank's unlocked and he just like locked it and kept walking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, not even a Spider-Man, but a Man-Man. It's a regular man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, for some reason I thought you, nevermind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on the phone with a Comcast lady last night and she told me that they're going to charge me a shitload of money if I don't return my equipment to that fucking shit. When I moved, I didn't turn it in and then, but my brother moved into my old house and just started using my modem and stuff and I was like, I don't know what


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can transfer. Yeah, I was like, yeah, he's using that stuff and he has like an Xfinity account. And she was like, oh, okay. She's like, I don't know how to put that in the system. I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I guess, no, I mean my brother owns it technically, I guess. I don't know. He's using it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's better than- I'm not on the podcast. I'm uh, I'm gonna cook a bunch of bad food from Reddit and force feed them. Oh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For someone, like to someone. Cause the ball had rolled to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he like, went to go kick it back and when his leg lifted up to kick, he instantly just jettisoned shit his pants. But then he was like, if I don't move, it won't shift and come out my pants leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's not gonna complain about it. Anyways, my brother moved in with, uh, him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my brother was supposed to be working around their house and stuff to pay for his rent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and they noticed that like he would go to the bathroom for like 40 minutes at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they didn't get like smartphones, that that was a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had the whole family besides me and Gavin, me and Gavin were out in the backyard playing. They had the whole family like hoisting this piss covered mattress onto the railing of their balcony so it could air dry in the backyard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a great one where a guy's like, I went on a Tinder date with a girl and she, before we went into the restaurant, she passed me a joint. I went to go smoke some, I coughed so hard that I puked and then I shit my pants while I was puking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never had, have you ever had like a shit emergency like that? Like I've never had it at home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Huh. Anyways, now that we're done with shit talk, let's end it here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, uh, I just set a preorder for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we could walk up 820 feet from each other and from the camera and still be talking to the lav. Oh, very cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the dumbest video idea that would just be funny because of how serious the subject matter is and it would, we would get large format film cameras like Ansel Adams style cameras with big wooden tripods and we would just go out into the wilderness and do landscapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some of the best talent is the stuff you pick up just mere seconds after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, my mom was talking to Mr. Parago, the band teacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, what about like, uh, trumpet or something like that? And he put me on trumpet and I sounded so bad he moved me to baritone. And then I said, he was like, I can still hear this fucking guy. And so he put me on tuba. He was just like, I want to put him on something where he can mess up as much as possible and you can barely hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That's very classy, Sam. Such a sweet boy, but he has such a tiny bladder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because that's just how it is over there, man. It's all about big penises, fucking molesting people. And, you know, it's just how Hollywood is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on. The scoring system is this. The scoring system is this. For every dollar slash cent that you're off, it adds to your score, and then whoever has the most score loses. Do I like write it down or do I just? Just see the price, I'll write it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's comfortable in his house and doesn't fuck out. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two British, I think like two British brothers or something. Yeaah. Jesus. Uhm. But like, look at that, there's a COVID ship full of people with COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's US to Canada, it's US priority mail or whatever. That makes me more confident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It will keel. That's fun. I like, dude, I watched like, I binge watched that shit and I was like. Makes the cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I looked up the laws to see if I could fucking have a forge in my house, in my backyard. I was like, I'm starting to forge, I'm gonna fucking make a little prison shank and fucking this is my new career, I'm gonna quit my fucking job and start making swords.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it never happened. I stopped watching it and my love for it fell. I had a- I had a huge accident. Look at these guns, bro. These are made for hammers and shit. You have to motion your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were originally gonna use one with Jesus and had to buy one get two free but we ended up going with this guy instead. I'm gonna say $11.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this the last one? Uh, this is the last one. Pretty sure, cause this is number 9, so I'm pretty sure this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is- I like the- no, actually I like the bottom left more than I like the fucking top right. The top right's what really throws me off, dude. That weird like jacuzzi with the fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the fucking, the bird's eye view of it, like, holy shit, cause I, like, I hear the word 60,000, like, square feet, and I'm like, eh, that's a lot, but then you see like a bird's eye view, it's fucking huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I would've, honestly, I was making this shit with Sam yesterday and I would've lost. I forgot like half of these. So, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright? Dude, I sort of got like half the podcast is like sexual allegation of the week and that's the only bullet point you give us and then we just have to sit there and bullshit for like two hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can just buy those silver chips on Amazon, you don't even have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. When you're gonna stop, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say cut in front of my mom all the time. I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the Canadian that's like really controversial, right? He's Canadian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen a couple of videos of him, like, giving speeches. I mean, I'm not saying he's not intelligent, cause I'm sure he is. He's probably more educated than I am as well. Uhm, sounds like a load of crap, a lot of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I could see how... Okay, okay, I'm trying to not go over this. So I could see how that, like, filling the void of time for all that negative self-talk and keeping yourself occupied could help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, so as far as like the... I mean, so with therapy, what's really weird about therapy is that there's different theories and approaches to solve the same problem. So you spoke a little bit on almost like an existentialist kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The beliefs and thoughts about yourself and like the irrational thinking patterns and learning to stop and change them, which will alleviate depression and anxiety. There's also psychoanalysis, which is like the Sigmund Freud going back to your early childhood and your subconscious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's humanistic approaches, so there's, that's the weird thing about therapy, is there's like ten different schools of thought and approaches on how to solve the problem, and they're all equally as valid. So you can take the same problem, but solve it multiple different ways. That's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, okay, so like porn addiction. So, pornographies can be healthy. It becomes a problem when you're, you know, wanking it in the car on the way to work or wanking it at work. Oh, I don't masturbate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people, yes, yes. Yeah, because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what I'm saying, what, no, what I'm saying is, it's not good to jerk off at work. Masturbation and porn become a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like those sort of things, then yea, you have a problem. But like in general, poor doesn't always lead to addiction. Not always, yea, it can be healthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it, it, it, it, like, it's, there's like a weird power dynamic. There's also a thing called, like, transference, where, anyway, it's a whole...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so back then I worked primarily with at-risk kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And lots of poverty, lots of uhm, calling child protective services. I had one family I worked with where like, I came in one day, literally, the dude Spongebob stuffed animal had a mound of human feces on it. Yeah. Yeah, lots of, lots of meth, lots of opiate addiction. It was tough, man. That's awful. Lots of poverty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like this. This is good. Yeah, okay. I'm on board. Let's do it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One penis equals good time. Twenty penises equal rocket ship to the moon good time. Yeah, I get the logic there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they're good friends. So typically people with depression also have anxiety. Uhm, depression, it can be a whole host of symptoms, but from feeling like sad, blue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they irrational? Most of the time anxiety is irrational for the most part. If it's like persistent. I mean obviously, you know, being anxious for a job interview is normal, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being anxious that a bear's gonna jump through your window and kill you is irrational.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've never been stifled by it. It's never stopped you from functioning and doing what you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's that question for? No, no, no, no, no, no. This is more interesting. Who's that question for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You all have a lot of sex questions, and I am no expert on human sexuality, but- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people don't believe this disorder actually exists, first off. That's one thing I'll say. There have been studies that also have been like really odd claims that when people break into different personalities or people will dilate differently, some of them will have like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I have it. I get that idea though of what you're saying. Like, I get that. Uhm. I'm wondering if...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At some point in Kanye's life, this is gonna catch up to him. Mania's really dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I could see how it could really feel like, I mean, you know, I feel like a lot of our famous artists in life have had mental health issues. I mean, was it like Picasso cut his own ear off? Or someone who was that big dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the argument of can some mental illness give you adaptive skills compared to other people, sure. I had a client once who was on the spectrum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I've never met someone who, uhm, who fits that profile for the most part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people argue that there's different types of intelligence, like you're alluding to, right? Like uhm, and when we say someone's IQ score, it's simply just like they've taken a test, and whoever made that test determined these are the things that make you smart. I mean, you know, like someone could be a genius at playing a musical instrument, but be really bad at like, spatial reasoning skills. Does that mean that they're not smart?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So I get what you're saying, yeaah. There could be different aspects of... I know one person who's... She's not a client, but she's a friend of mine. She's brilliant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's burned herself like five times, taking something out of the oven. But if you gave her an IQ test, she'd be at like 130, 140. So she's really smart, but no common sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do I feel? How does it feel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I mean, you can definitely turn off the expression of the emotion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I imagine for most of them, they don't have the ability to look inward and see the fucked up shit they're doing that's actually causing women to not want to spend time with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're touching on like beauty being, for some it seems like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For some it seems like they're very self aware of what they have to offer the world. And some people are very delusional in the sense that they think they're Brad Pitt when they really look like Gollum. Is that what you're asking? And why is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I mean, I think there's different levels. One, I think beauty's in the eye of the beholder, right? So like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've known people who were reachers and settlers in relationships from my perspective, right? Like there's someone who's very much in my mind less attractive, reaching for someone way more attractive and they win and they get that person. The person that I view as way more attractive thinks that their spouse is hot as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the reason men want women with, you know, hourglass shape and breasts is because it subconsciously hints to us that they can like go to full term, have healthy babies, you know, and women would want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have anything against psychonauts and people who want to like experiment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With psychedelics. Now there are risks. Like I think you need to go into it knowing what the risks are. So when I was younger, I- when I was in high school, there was a guy I knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Had a bad mushroom trip was never the same. And studies have shown that if you're predisposed to psychosis, psychedelics can flip that switch and you just won't be the same anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, now I'm not saying everyone who does mushrooms will become psychotic, I'm not saying that, but if you're predisposed to being psychotic anyway, it can be the, the catalyst that starts that whole trend going forward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not saying I've abused Adderall, cause I, you know, am a licensed therapist, I'm not saying I've abused substances, but I do know that like, excuse me, it is legal math, you're right, it is, yea, you're right, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So chemically, they're very similar. Yeah, Adderall, I mean Adderall's a methamphetamine. So like the actual like prescription name, it's like amphetamine salts is like the name of like Adderall. Yeah. So it's chemically, it's kind of the similar as how like oxy, like oxycodone is very similar to heroin, like chemically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my colleagues had a client. So like basically at this facility there'd be like ten kids. We would split the kids. So I had five, she would have five as like clients. We had a kid one time where she said to the other therapist that she believes that he would one day be a school shooter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There definitely seems to be like, this weird play of like, sadomasochism, where like, you guys get off at making poo, like your, like, little, like, puppet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, so, that would be the initial thing, I would say. Is there definitely some sort of play of some weird Thedomasochist kind of things going on. Uhm, but no, I mean, you guys don't strike me as being like, you know, unfit to be in society or anything, so that's positive. So you hit a, a stamp of shame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just gonna say in general, my rule of thumb is always, are you able to be functioning in your life across your life domains?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But see, that person's not actually functioning well in their relationships.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're interesting, but I don't know, like, the personal details of John Wayne Gacy's marriage or whatever, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we have the Mothman from Virginia? Well, that's West Virginia, Mothman. Mothman was West Virginia, like, so we have, and I forgot the stupid name that we call our Bigfoots, but there was a Bigfoot sighting actually near where I went to college, in a place called Chilhowee. And they call it a Woodbooger? Yea, they call it a Woodbooger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I can tell you this, I actually used to work with kids diagnosed with autism. I did behavior therapy with them for about three to four years. It's hard to tell just based on a two hour... not even being in person, cuz...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five kids on the spectrum and they all won't look the same. Why do you think he's on the spectrum first?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poor social skills alone does not make autism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think, narrowed fixed interest, the poor social skills, common-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, what, what expre- what expression am I showing now? How do I feel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, if I was gonna go off, like, cr- criteria in the DSM, it's gonna be things like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waking up, like missing your work because you're hungover, uhm, trying to quit drinking but not being able to, needing to drink more and more to get the desired effect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ever go a day or two without drinking, do you have, like, withdrawal effects? Like, DTs, anything like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's awesome. It's good. But I imagine it sounds like if she stopped drinking she'd die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I actually, there's someone I follow on Twitter, and I can't tell if he's joking or not, but he simps hard. And it gets to the point where he, like, took screenshots of his bank account, the amount of money that he's giving to, like, Pokimane, and, like, Nico, or whatever her name is. Is that? Well that one's understandable but gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And kept trying to like, it was a ask anything mental health stream I was doing and the guy just kept coming in asking me like, when was the moment I knew that my life was meaningless and all these things and it was kinda creepy so I abandoned pretty quick. But like I don't have a lot, most people come in mind I have some sort of connection with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a lot of feeling isolated, cause a lot of the times these terrorist groups and extremist groups, it's the same thing that gangs do, where they make you feel appreciated, valued, like you're a part of something. So I think they purposely go after people who they know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's something about love, it's like, it's like pouring on all the love, there's like a specific word for this. It is grooming though too, but yea, there's like a, fuck man, what's that call when cults do that thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was another one too that they'll never replicate, where they had people, so they had a confederate in a room, hooked up to an electricity machine, and they had people coming in, and they had like an authority figure tell them to like zap the person. And they found that people were more likely to give lethal zaps if told to by an authority figure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, so, are you asking, because all the other avenues in life have been taken, he will now go to your drop? You have to, if you can't be unique.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is great, I'm glad I'm here already. Yeah, me and Poov will be psychoanalyzed, possibly Brian. Uhm, and so anyways, if you guys have any questions for the therapist, we're getting the most bang for our buck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go ahead and send any questions you have to Forehead, at Forehead Fables on Twitter, and don't you fucking dare send anything to my personal Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause every time I ask for questions, you flood it to my actual Twitter. That is for grooming kids and talking to other content creators. I don't wanna fuck around with like, patron questions on there. That's a totally different beast. Anyways, uh, and then, what else was there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason why it's not me, Aqua, and Brian is because Brian has, like, a job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the longest time I've been, I've been painting this picture in my head of like, you know, anybody that watches your Twitch channel knows you're a pretty nice guy. But that's my problem, was it too, too nice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like those, you know those, uh, you know that family of like, the Christian people with like all the, like eight kids and they had the, the sitcom, or what, not sitcom, they had like a reality TV?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but these people were super Christian and they were all like, holier than thou.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My family's incredible! Anyways, those people were like, oh we're so much better than you guys, we're morally superior. Turns out one of the fucking, one of the kids was raping all the other kids. And so it ruined their image. Now if they had, if they had played...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if there's like a leaked, if there's like a leaked video of me like shooting someone in an alley, people would be like, maybe. I could see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I can't imagine you're genuinely just that you all the time. You know, you have to have a dark side. I still haven't found it yet, but it's there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep going, you'll find it. And then, and I have like all these people, I would say we're friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, you know who was the only person to call me at the hospital when I had my kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a premise thing we can talk about that's like really hot right now and won't be hot by the time the podcast gets edited and put up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then now everybody's acting on like fear of missing out, you know, and they're like, oh, I want to be a part of it. And now it's like a meme thing. And to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop so it completes our mission.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, what I do like about it is that the whole thing is fueled by spite. They, I think a lot of people realize they're not gonna get their money back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there are people that are like, dude, I'm gonna, yeah, it's funny because we're doing it out of spite and I do love a good spiteful act, but there's a lot of fucking retards out there that are like getting mortgages, second mortgages and pulling out loans and putting their student loans into GameStop thinking that they're going to make money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, this whole, I'm just gonna say it, the, uh, you know, I'm not wanting to give out financial advice even though I give out financial advice all the time and then I realize that's probably not a good idea because I could get sued for bad financial advice, couldn't I? I think so, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, when I did that, I did that like PSA about investing in the S&P and I did lay it on Warren Buffett's lap a little bit because he's the one that said to invest in the S&P 500 and it's worked out for me. I mean, it's a good, easy retard bet. You know, you don't have to do any.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although I thought it was just a useless thing, like they weren't doing much, but apparently they- they basically-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, it was like 3.7 trillion dollars in market capital that was erased because of, because of this, which is pretty funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey yo, Aqua, I was talking, uh, or I was looking around on Reddit, speaking of lay Reddit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm on your side, Aqua. I think your sister's grotesque. Oh, I'm not going to say she's hot. I think she's absolutely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I came in at a totally different time and somebody was talking about your sister in the chat. Oh, I gotcha. And so I was raising up the Aqua sister or Ben Shapiro sister. I think it was actually- Abigail. Yeah, I think it was in Zeechome's chat, not yours, but he was playing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But there's nothing worse than coming in there and delivering some word knife into your chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, okay, Poob made a merchandise store, and he put some stickers on it, and by god, they're the best fucking stickers I've ever seen in my life. They adhere so well, I would buy five of each. They're great stickers if you don't- No buyer's remorse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's about it. There's some adherence problems with these stickers. What material did you put yours on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is Tim Henderson, and I think there might have been some, uh, residual like hand, what you see like coffee stains here. Yeah, there might have been micro intrusions. Yes, adhered to the sticker, but his hand is coming up on, on, let me get a. Oh, it's 3D. Yeah, I forgot these are 3D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poob covered my shipping costs. How nice is that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it has something to do, like I stuck mine on leather, you stuck yours on a matte PC. I'm sure if you stick it on anything else, it'll be like Gorilla Glue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No? I'm looking, I'm looking at Aqua's OBS and I don't see that he started recording at any point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I know I live in Florida, right? Not exactly, don't get too cold here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you guys know as it gets colder, it gets drier in your house, right? So staticky. Yea. Your hands get dry. Oh yea. Uhm, I had this issue earlier today. I was wondering, like, what do you guys do when you go to wipe your ass and your hands are so dry that they just slip on the toilet paper? You ever had that problem?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so I got a fresh roll. Okay, so you're sitting there on the toilet, right? And you bring out your classic. What ply is that? Three squares.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Thank you, poob. Your palms don't get dry? No. No. What? Why are you guys like geckos?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I swear to god I have this issue where I'll go like wipe my ass and like the toilet paper will like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The friction of my ass crack is more than the friction of what my hands can acquire on the toilet paper. And so this just ends up getting like, stuck into my ass crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I took a, you know what? You know what? I took a poll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what so, this is what pisses me off about this. I took a poll, we determined that at like, like 40% of the population, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just not even people in my eyes. Let's be honest. Standing to wipe your ass is absurd. And you're just wasting energy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, have you ever heard of just, like, lifting one cheek and just, like, raking away at that thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're the ones who don't uh, you know, have slippery hands in their grip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so. It's very strange, but since then, since then, there has been like, every like month or so, I see like a new YouTuber that's doing that same fucking poll. Where they're, the standing and sitting wiping thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I- because I fucking asked the question as a joke because I didn't think anybody actually stood to wipe their ass. Listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say that. I think one of the funniest moments on this podcast is me asking John McAfee that and then he like laughs like anybody would ever stand up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little, little do you know, you destabilize. Yeah, that's why he's in prison actually is because he, I think he's in prison right now, isn't he? Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, tax evasion or something like that. Hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You only have to pay taxes on the things that you want to pay taxes on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ, he could face thirty years in prison if convicted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess, I guess it's one thing to unknowingly not pay your taxes, like, on certain incomes. It's another to, uh, to sail around the world and run away from, from Uncle Sam. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She attacks him with a, with a fucking, uh, one of those poisonous frogs. As soon as they're on the beach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the ladies man. Yeah, he's like the ladies man. I'm talking about Russell, Russell Crowe here. No, no, Russell Crowe is like the old guy. The dude that has like the, uh, the European, uh, spyglass and he fucks all the ladies in town. That's the main character. And like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm gonna, I'm gonna raise up two scenarios for you. I want you to tell me which one is a plausible thing in the lost world. Aqua, I want you to answer this. Since you've never seen it. Yeah, I know, since you've never seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, a character that has never had heroin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then gets on an island via plane crash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, all of a sudden has an addiction to heroin that he's never had. Or a character that lives his whole life paralyzed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then lands, crash lands on an island and all of a sudden can walk and has fully, uh, muscular legs to carry him on long hikes and do hunts and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's one where it's like, uh, Hurley like looks up and sees this green bird, like fly off into the distance and he's like looking at it and there's like something weird about it. They never mentioned like what the fuck that thing is. Nothing about it. There's like a bunch of weird questions out there that are never answered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, never, I think it's cause they were just like, the writers were like, yea, just put a fucking bird in there to burn up 12 seconds of screen time, and we'll get to it if we get to it, who fucking knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I didn't realize that Kate was Evangeline Lilly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on. Look up Evangeline Lily on Google.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to answer that, but I'm currently looking at a picture of Evangeline Lilly, pissed off that she's like complaining about the patriarchy, and she's holding up her like four inch heels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems like some shit she probably picked up on because some lady out there is like, yo, four inch heels look good. I don't think guys care about that shit, do you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's people out there that like to see women struggle to walk like a fucking T-Rex in these little spindly heels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a, okay, so there's the, there's like, liking feed, and then there's like, Quentin Tarantino liking feed. Right? There's like, levels to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are some attractive feet, but then there's that scene in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where Margot Robbie has her dirty fucking gross feet hanging up there with like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, that guy has a really elaborate plan to just get a lot of attractive women's feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I think we had this, this whole conversation about, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying, what I'm saying, is that you said, David Blaine, not David Blaine, who'd you say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatcha munchin' on, pooh? The point is, you said it was unethical for Carl McCarson to do it, but is it okay for David Spade to do it? To use his celebrity to attract women?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, Tim Henderson would-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would love to do that. Oh, he's got little faces on his fingertips. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, totally easier. Yeah. Babies, babies like, they have three things that they get pissed off about. As a new parent, you get a baby and you're like, oh my god, it's crying, like, what do I do? And you start panicking because you think it's gonna die any second. But the second time around, you, you get like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get like in tune with what a baby wants. You can hear it in the fucking cry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, and, and it's on a time schedule. Every three hours it eats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pretty quickly they're moving, they're mobile. But baby, I mean this fucking thing, you can put it down on the carpet, walk away, and four hours later it'll still be there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put the kid in the dresser and then come back a couple hours later and feed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or a Chia pet or something, yeaah. Very similar. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not until like four months. Four or five months. Then they start crawling around and trying to stick their fingers into the outlets and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the way, baby shits are supposed to be like, scentless, because they have, they don't have bacteria in their gut yet, you know? Like, not until you're eating like, uh, you know, other stuff do you get E. coli going through your intestines, which makes your shit stink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking kid, I think is lactose intolerant or something like that because it's drinking milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of my wife's titties, and then just like, spraying diarrhea that makes your eyes water. It is so fucking, and it's so pungent, and like acidic smelling. It's fucking gross. It's like the worst shits of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyways, besides that, it's going great. Yeah, not a whole lot of sleeping, but I'm getting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strangely enough, more sleep than ever because I had to go to bed early. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyways, on the off chance that I accidentally do something right this time, and she has an orgasm, she could hemorrhage from the inside out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa dude, did you see, did you see Poob eat stars right there? That was incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lettuce has stardust in it, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So do you, and I know you're doing it now, but that doesn't mean you enjoy it more, but do you enjoy the Twitch streaming more than the YouTube?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they also say the first step is acknowledging that you have a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I- you know like when we're playing jackbox? Yeah. Like I wasn't saying shit, dude. Like if I get a couple drinks in me, I'm just- I'm just fucking chillin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a lot of fun. That's why I had so much fun that night. It was actually everybody cataloging there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, it's just, it's being a white person. That's what it is. I think Dave Chappelle summed that up as being a white guy is cataloging what you've had that afternoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And relax while those two fucking go to town on each other. Instead we got Wallflower Aqua over here, just calmly waiting for this to end so he can go stream Tarkov for the 80th fucking time this month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Z-Chem's a cool guy, but he's not, he's not too high on my Minecraft to play with list. Really? Yeah, there's some p-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, let's see, play Minecraft with. You have to have a great conversationalist on Minecraft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, when I was streaming, some guy was fuckin' spamming ASCII cocks. And like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently that's Twitch TOS. Yeah. A penis made out of backslashes and periods and brackets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you done that? Have you done that offline TV Rust server?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't, I wasn't into it either, the Rust offline TV thing, until I saw Stimpy's videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are fucking fantastic. He's just, it's not so much him pissing off people, it's him doing shit and then blaming other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, him fucking getting that newt guy to kill another dude, taking the boat off the cargo thing and then like typing in chat like, I think newt killed somebody and took the cargo boat and they're like, they turned on him. They turned on him in an instant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Anyways. Anyways, so he fuckin' pissed her off. I did see that. And then, yeah. And so they, they went and attacked her. On her chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we haven't spoken since. He does want to come on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's a good sign. That's a good sign, but I feel like it would be a less funny episode than this one. Which this one's reaching a pretty low...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not out over here. I know, I know. I'm saying that's what he called it. That's what's imprinted into my mind. It's that I've eaten a shitload of food and now I've got a case of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, you had no interest in that offline TV thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you have gotten in there if you wanted to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've been on both sides of this. You've been on both sides of this. So tell me what you think. Do you feel like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Streamers unfairly get more access and more privilege within a community than YouTubers do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When it comes to like these fucking, like these servers and stuff, whenever it comes to like a collaborative event, it's always streamers that are like, the ones in line to do stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last person I tried networking with was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's probably because he heard your, your impression of him sounds like a fucking street urchin from, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they'll kick you off the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I, I, I think we're alright. He like messaged me, he's like, I wanna be on the podcast, uh, to prove there's no bad blood between us. And I said, I said, oh, that's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which means there's no bad blood between us, so there you go, I don't have to have them on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've shaken hands. Like, we know each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But having a guest is like, it's like a fucking playdate. Stalt told me this and he summed up perfectly. He's like, it's just a fucking playdate with someone you don't really know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you can't have any good conversations with people you don't know because there's like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like a hangup between you, you don't- you're not comfortable with each other yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but me, Brian, and Poob, we know each other well. Where we can, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love Stampy, I had a great time talking with him like one on one. He was great. He's really good to talk to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, I think as long as it's not a one on one thing. I think that's why I fell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because if there's still that dynamic, and then you have like, you know, if it's like me and YouPub, or me and Brian, and then a guest, it works. Like, it worked with Shiro, it's working with Aqua, it'll work with a therapist, hopefully, unless the guy's a fucking square. Is Brian gonna be there? Do you want Brian to be there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to have Brian there because I figured you would get, uh, some analysis, I would get some analysis, and I don't want Brian there to be fucking with a composition pad just writing down every...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we're gonna get incredibly personal and it's gonna get to the point. This might be a patron only thing just because it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna dive into why you have such a hatred towards women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How fucking horrible would that be if I was a father of two beautiful daughters and I fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hated women. That would be like the worst father of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so anyways, uh, we could have Brian there if you want. We could just ask, we could ask the guy all these questions about why is Brian so aggressive and mean? Is it because he didn't have a father growing up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should keep bringing it back to race, just to see what that guy...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What we need to do is we need to come up with Rorschach inkblots where it's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, humor's an objective thing, and so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it goes to the fucking, what's the jazz guy's name again? It's like Kelpie G. It goes to the Kelpie G, uh, uh, concert out there in the jungle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is KelpieG performing to a bunch of fucking garbage monsters in the jungle? That's what I wanna know, but, you know, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, by the way, I was cutting through footage of Tarkov, and I think I said the word, humunculus, like, easily 48.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy says, keep him coming bro, I hope the new kid is- oh wait, nevermind, he's literally talking about my new kid. You guys are gonna ruin poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, uh, Poob. I think, I think you got bullied so hard last episode. Listen to these fucking comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you guys are gonna ruin poop for everybody, can you at least make sure it's actually entertaining? This was some cringe shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, I felt like I should have paid five dollars to listen to that. I had to watch the whole thing to make sure Poob didn't end up with a shotgun in his own mouth. Christ. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, while he's gone, let's go ahead and end this. It's been two hours. Saul can cut it down, so it's easily a funny 48 minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's harder to manufacture. Can we expense the crack rocks? Is that a thing? Say what? Can we expense the crack rocks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It goes from brown to red, that's how you know you've done a good job cleaning. Yeah. Clean out all the dirt, and then blood rushes to the surface and seeps out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you get the sparknotes version? I don't know if any of these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh god. Yeah, I just used, I used to use the internet for that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you I can find it. They have a DOS website for that shit. You can probably find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna put the effort into it, it's pretty rewarding, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about it? Everybody does it. You don't want to hear about it though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, let's take a fucking, let's take a goddamn house test right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patreon's the, the underlying reason why the thing that connects me, Stalt, Brian, Poob,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Without it, we would have stopped speaking to each other years ago. But, uh, it's the one thing that tethers us together. And it's fueled by you guys. Uh, you guys have been duped into buying into this two-tier system when everybody knows the future is in one-tiered systems.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't blame me, I'm not the architect of this thing. I stole it from, uh, everybody's favorite YouTuber, Critical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I went to hit, when I was starting my, uh, my Patreon, I went to his fucking podcast Patreon and I looked at it and I said, I'll take that. And I stole it and I changed the names of all the tiers and then I just put it, I just went live and, and then you guys bought into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and since then I realized that it's so convoluted, fucked up the way it is, doesn't make any goddamn sense. Uhm, and it's, uh, the value's not there. The value's there for critical, because he's critical, he's a household name. My grandma knows who critical is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Uhm, my grandma doesn't even know who I am. You know? And it's, it just, it's, uh, I don't think it's a good value. It's $10 for the tier 2, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, if I can, ten dollars, you can get like Netflix. Netflix has a million movies on it, all these TV shows. Netflix originals, those are great, right? Fuckin' Bird Box won Academy Awards, I think. And, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With ten dollars on my podcast, you can't even buy a smile. You can't even buy two laughs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's just three guys that are screaming at each other trying to figure out who's on the spectrum. It turns out we're all on the spectrum. You know, that's not worth ten dollars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyways, we're changing the, the Patreon's now gonna be a one-tier system. Five dollars get you everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get you Discord perms, you get you, uh, which by the way, those are pick perms. You can post whatever gross shit you want in the fucking Discord thing as long as it doesn't break the rules. And then you also get access to, uh, two episodes a month early before everybody else, a week before everybody else.