[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perhaps I am the Saul King, dude. I think you, I think you've proved yourself. I think you are the Saul King no doubt, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys gotta keep those other boys, promise me you're gonna keep them other boys in line down there. The boys are getting out of line. What the fuck, they're probably, they're probably messing stuff up. You gotta get in there and regulate, dude. That's, dude, you have Jackson and Matilda, I got Beezer and O'Connor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, after this is all said and done, we'll be back to business. You know, people, people have to atone with the fact that they're being big pussies during this. All we were doing was getting fucking paid. You know, getting paid, drinking off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, there's a check, there's checks sitting on their uncle's desk right now being like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You make what? You make what? Nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good God. We're on. We're on. This is a very special episode. Shane, I believe, is going to Canada, I think. What for? Shane's going to Canada. Do stand up with him. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's either going to Canada this week or next week. No, I think he's flying to Canada for sure. But we're supposed to do separate episodes. Come back. So he still owes you guys an episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You hear that, listener? You wrote a fucking episode by Shane, so hound him down for it. I'm pulling, I'm doing what I gotta do. I'm doing my end down here, dude. I'm just saying, I'm doing my fucking end. Tell him, big goddamn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zealots would be a good word. Yeah. Acolytes. Religious. Higher than acolytes. Apostles. Higher than apostles. Whoa. The church is already built, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apostles do the heavy lifting, dude. We're, we're basically like post Roman Empire Catholicism, the level of power we have. Dude, we're the Cardinals. This is the religious elite. Yea, you guys are Cardinals, Bishops. We're the inner circle. Exactly. I wouldn't mind being a living saint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is. So, what's up, I got Siddiquid, Buddley, what's up y'all? What's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was going to do it that day. Yeaah. I called you guys at an emergency meeting. I was trying to do emergency cast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was aware of that, that must have been jarring. Yeah. When you, when you just so, basically I had a, I went down, I did the float, I haven't done the float tank in a while, so I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me, you know, we're talking about doing, well, what was formerly called a stink tank, forgive me for the fucking, that's not what it is obviously, it's way more important than that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was preparing myself, I'm like, dude, we're gonna do a live podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where I'm gonna pop out of a float tank after consuming edibles, I'm like, I need to prepare myself for the reality of that situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I was, I was like, that's one, that's something to talk about, but like to actually do. I was like, let me just see how, last time I made an edible and hopped in a float tank, I kind of freaked out and like kind of, that was when I felt like a, uh, when I had like deer body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was when I like literally felt like a prey animal. I was like, oh, that's what prey animals feel like. And I was laying in a float tank and like basically felt like a deer in the gaze of a lion. I was just hacking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People don't want to hear it. People don't want to hear it. There's a whole, uh, there's a whole thing called exposure therapy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they worked perfectly because the rites of passage were so intense that if you died, you just failed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So anyone who made it through there, wasn't a pussy, officially wasn't a pussy, and had some skills. They would send you in the woods for like a week and be like, good luck dude. If you smoke DMT and die, you're just a pussy. Yea, you lose. There's people who die of heart attacks down on ayahuasca ceremonies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You imagine being the other people who are like, it's like, it's because people have like cardiac stuff they just don't take care of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a fair point, because they're like, no, this stuff's generally harmless, and it's like, you haven't, they haven't come to grips with like American...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm having a heart attack. It's probably gotta be so, do they have heart attacks down there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm pretty sure down there you only die from being like two eyes. You get eaten a lot. Sure, or you get munched, you get munched, or you get so wise that you eventually just like find a bed of straw and you're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta do that, dude. I'm gonna start having fat tours where you go down there and you just stunt on everyone. It's just like Mr. Universe. Like, the fattest people, whoever loses, biggest loser from not losing enough weight. Like, yo, I got another show. Just go down to Third World Country and you're just fucking Mr. Universe. Like, holy fuck. Holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I drove into the shallow end of a pool one time, hit my head, so basically, basically I could see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then you're standing up there and you're like, uuuh. Oh, dude, I would be scared of jumping in water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dove through a tube into the shallow end and it was like bonk and I was like fuck, forgot. Wrong end of the pool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea man, the, uh, I, I, dude, I'm telling you, people who tell me like, aw man, yea, I can't, I can't, I can't smoke weed, I bug out, it's like, first of all, you're probably smoking weed in like, going to 7-Eleven, which is hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once you've mastered it, you can sit and watch, you know, if you want to watch his dark materials with your wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And not worry about choking or like go to a kid's birthday party and not feel weird. That was always fun. Going to a kid's birthday party high, I had, this was like way early on when I, during my first marriage, when I, uh, I would go there around nobody, I was around smoke weed at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not fair, they're probably so fucking good at it. Dude, you need performance enhancing. You'll be good at it too. True, true, that is performance enhancing drugs for a mind battle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so that, that literally brings me to the call. I'm walking down, I literally have been in a float tank. Uhm, I mean the revelation, basically the whole revelation was I got high in a float tank and figured out the movie The Matrix, which I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when ISIS sacked like a city and just burnt all their books, I'm like, no, this can't be done. So again, it was so funny because it was so profound to me when I was like thinking of it, I'm like, just gonna blow their guys' minds. And I got out and was like, oh guys, well the idea that is tight is the Church of Sacred Dogology. That I stand by 150%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so he was ready, but he was waiting, which obviously that's why you guys are the religious hierarchy. Either way. So the, uh, so I'm in the float tank and I'm laying there. First of all, that was the original thing when I was like, can I handle...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there were like 60 to 70 people upstairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I was like, can I handle this? And I'm like, of course. I'm like, I don't know, dude. I might have, I might have fucking bit off more than I can chew. I got a lot of big ideas in the pipeline. I have counter-intelligence, which that, I'm, I still gotta flush it. I hate doing stuff and not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what counterintelligence is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, do the podcast tricks I want you to have. Be on someone's podcast and secretly record them and then reveal that you're in fact a spy. And then start talking. And they're on your cast? Yea, exactly. And then no one, you know, at that point what really even is a podcast, but. Yea, we're at the event horizon now, pussy. Yea, exactly. Very reductive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, man. True. But I gotta get, again, I needed someone who has their own podcast. Go on as an expert and be like, excuse me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so uhm, I'm in the tank, I'm like, I just get over, I'm like, I could do this. I was like, I could be high in a fucking float tank and then go up into a pod. I'm like, I, yeaah, I got over that really quick. I'm like, this is a doable enterprise, I could do it. And I was like, yeaah, I gotta get syndicated and bodily on the page though, cause they've never floated before, you have to kind of get your boots wet a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you could just lay in that thing and just be like, what the fuck, if you like don't let go of what you like just kind of like get into it, I could imagine, I've heard of people just be like, yea I just kind of like laid in there and it was weird, I got water in my ears, and it's like that would be kind of weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I- You worried about that? Well, yeah, so I have, I take, cause I've done it now probably like five times, where like, I make sure I don't drink too much water, I take a piss before I go in, I make sure I shit that day, like beforehand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, I don't, yea, if I even feel, cause it's one of those things where before you do, you kinda get a little butterflies, you're like, ooh, this is gonna be, like, this is a new thing I'm doing. So if you're hit with that, like, I kinda gotta shit right now, I am like, pause. That would ruin it for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I go shit. Yea, you have to go shit. You can't be, cause that's, you can't feel any of your senses, so you'll just be a shit. You'll just be having to shit for like an hour. That's the only thing you can feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you'd have to walk out, naked, you'd be like, for me to be at the toilet, you'd be like, bleh. Just point to a toilet, and like, brrrr.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I was in there and I was like, fuck dude. You don't worry about getting salt water in your bird? Nah, it's epsom salt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is dead sea levels. So yea, you float. Yea. This is dead sea. I think you're okay. Yea, you're okay. Yea, your bird doesn't hurt. Again, if you ever pee in the shower, then your bird hurts. It's like your bird sucks in some of the hot water. Yea. You don't get that. Okay. You get like a bird cramp when you pee in the shower. Why does that happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So have you ever get like a bird pain in the ocean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so in order for you to float, it has to be like, you're right, there's a ton of salt. So in order for you to float, you have to have a ton of salt in there. But it doesn't, if you have any like kind of nicks on you, it'll definitely, it'll sting those up. You'll feel that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've, I actually tried to jerk off this morning and got kinda like, stopped. So, I'm sitting on a nice one right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, when you're doing it too much, it gets kinda weird. If you're like, if you have like a, if you start forgetting the last time you jerked off and then you rip one out, you know you're in for a good one. Yeah. But, yeah, I try to bring, did you ever bring your phone into the shower?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the first time you came? It was routine, right? Oh, you steadily beat them once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go back out there and get, basically this is where I got jerked off the first time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm pretty sure though. In terms of like, etiquette, was it like, pants down to the ankles? Like, were you showing ass? Or was it kinda like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bathroom was bi- I was a heavy jerkin' offstation in my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we used to pull the, there was a drawer near the door, and we'd pull the drawer out, so, cause people would obviously pick the lock every single time to try to catch you jerking off. Yeah. So you'd pull the drawer out, and the drawer would stop the door from opening, and then you'd be able to like, be like, alright, I'm out. You'd, you'd get a clean break. We'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? And he'd be like, rrrr.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The uhm, yeaah, so I called you guys. So I'm in the, I'm in the flow tank and I'm sitting there and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm thinking about doing the show and I'm like, damn, that'd be fucking wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, it is doable. And then I don't know, you kinda like, I kinda forgot what the fuck I was really thinking about. But I got real into the idea of like, manipulating reality. That's my, my, the thing I'm really into right now is the manipulation of reality. And how like, if you're not doing that, you're, you're just fucking, you're out here floating around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, dude. So I'm sitting there and I'm like, you have to... So at first I'm laying there and I'm like, damn, because I entered into like literally a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking about mystical experiences and how there's scientific literature about the clinical benefit of mystical experiences and it's just like a part of our brain none of us are using right now. That's the stuff with the mushroom studies when they say like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People stop smoking after one experience with mushrooms for up to 18 months, and it's like, it confounds psychiatric science, to where it's like, no, you have to get people, you know, you gotta,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I need, I need, I need skepticism, dude. This is, I mean obviously...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dogology doesn't kick, we're not, we're not kicking out the church, dude. We, we literally can stand up on, we can stand up to science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm in, I'm in the tank and I'm like, damn dude, people should be having Mystically Spe- It's not that hard. You eat a weed edible, hop in a float tank, and if you've trained yourself not to bug out,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can literally relax in a float tank to the point where like, you literally, it feels like you leave your body. It's fucking crazy. I can't wait. It's so, it's so fucking awesome. You guys did the deep dive. Yeah. It's like that if you just weren't aware of your body at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I, I've explained it, it's basically you, you know, this is a chain call, so you're just getting high. It's like, sure, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever that is to you, take that. And when I ever tell people, I'm like, next time you do it, just lay on a couch with your eyes closed the entire time and listen to like some sort of like music or just whatever. Not, you don't have to listen to them. People, nobody does that where they just like stop for two and a half hours and just close their eyes without sleeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Dude, and it's fucking wild what it does, it's pretty nuts what it does, like in terms of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The shit you start thinking of that like, literally if I- I sit all day and torture myself trying to think of cool stuff. Usually to no avail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then it's like, oh, I do this, and then it's like, and it's not like I'm actively trying, I just, I just relax. All of a sudden, dude, BAM! The stink tank becomes the sacred church of dogology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I upgraded it. I wasn't even trying, dude. I literally connected to the source.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was nice about it though. Dude, no, when you try to, that's the thing too. Yea, I haven't even tried. I'm not even gonna try. I try, and Brittany just shakes her head at me, but it's also like, was that beneficial? To visualize that in that way. Oh, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and it's also like, it lets you feel ideas in a way that we're not really used to. Because you can explain it all you want, it doesn't make sense, but if you feel an idea, you're like, you'll just be like, God, families rule! And that's, you know, that's your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll, I'll just be chilling, I'll be like, just like a weird feeling, like a separate entity, and I can sit there and like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slide out my deep bedrock fears and be like, what's this one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a heart attack? Probably won't have a heart attack. Put that one back in there and I can pull out all these weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not like subconscious fears, but fears that like affect me on a daily level. Like you were saying, you interact with them, you just like look at them, and you're like, rather than just kind of like, running on those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's what I'm saying. It's, it's, it's so hard to explain this stuff because a lot of this is kind of going on like in a, almost, not ineffable, but like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's something people should at least do. It's better than pretty much anything, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so that, so I'm sitting there, so basically, that's a good way of explaining it. So when you add the tank, it's like, I'm telling you, it's a serious fucking, it's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A serious difference, but it also takes with, with, with weed. It's like, you know, if you just take mushrooms, it just hijacks you to the point where you're not really in control of it. You're just like, what the fuck's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a lot of weed, you have to kind of still use your brain and kind of like, think your way. Like, if you, you know what I mean? Like, if you take a ton of mushrooms, you're just like, meh. Like, looking around like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so I'm in, I'm in the tank, I'm sitting there, I'm like, damn dude, people, people need to start having mystical experiences. This is bullshit that we're not having them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, so I started thinking about that, I'm like, deep, I'm doing the show, the, uh, where, you know, we all come out of the flow tanks to a live podcast, I'm like, fuck man, this is gonna be crazy. And then it just, literally, I just kind of relaxed and let go, obviously a communion with Santa Maria, and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I started thinking about the fact, I was like, this is what you have to do. You have to be having your vision quest. You have to be having your mystical experiences. Use that to basically tell you what you're going to do with yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then you come up with a literal vision of like, alright, this is what I want to do based off my mystical experience. This is like the thing that feels right for me to do. It feels very right. And then you, you pack it, you figure, you take the time you need to figure that out pretty efficiently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or to the point where, like, you feel good about at least starting this, and then you find Bae, dude. You have to find- once you- once you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once you've been in enough mystical states, where you've been like, this is the thing that I'm going to do, and not be weird and complainy all day about like, uuuh, this, uh, like, you can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're being a pussy, dude. And every time I think about it long and deep enough, I'm like, ah fuck, I am being a pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or at least try it. That's the thing. It's like, well, it's easy for you to say. It's like, dude, first of all, none of us, I would say 99% of us aren't gonna starve to death. So it's like, you might lose, your car might be a shittier one. Like, you know, if you start making changes like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit might suck a little bit, but like you're not gonna fucking die. Yeah. From, as a direct result of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're giving themselves permission to like let a part of themselves out that was kind of hidden behind like. You just gotta get out of your own way dude. I am silly, exactly dude. So that's, so I'm in the tank, literally I'm in the tank and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, all right, so you have to have mystical experiences. And this is something you just can do. You have, if you're sitting there like, I don't have to do it myself. The edibles, the tank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever you need to do, volcano, paypens, whatever. Get yourself into a state where you're kinda like, woah, fuck, uh, fuck, this is kinda scary. Hit the tank, ride it out, and just literally just shut your mind off and just, just, you know, try to just before you get in there be like, I'm gonna think about the shit I'm doing that I don't like. And it's weird how...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your brain just starts hitting you like, what about this? And you're like, what the fuck, I've never even considered that. It's just, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the idea is then you use the vision you have, find bae. So if you're hitting Tinder dates or whatever, and you're going to, you know, you're going to, rather than just being like, I'm on a date, and you're like trying to be hot, I guess, for a chick, whatever you're doing, you just go and meet her and you're just like, what are you trying to do with yourself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the idea is dude, you just fuck it, you just totally straight man them. You're just kinda like, so what are you trying to do with yourselves? Usually they're more so in the seat of being like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you, what are you doing? Impress me. Yeah. Talk good. Give me a funny one-liner. So if you just hit a scene, like what are you trying to do with yourself? Well, and you're like, here's my vision quest. And then if they start doing stuff, you're like, well, if our, if our visions don't align, if we don't have synergy between our visions, then this isn't going to work. Dude, it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you man, cause otherwise it gets in this weird paradigmic where it's like, you're showing up, they're like, what's this, like look, they're just assessing you in terms of like, you know, whatever the list of stuff is. If that makes sense. It's kind of cynical, but it's like, I feel like, especially when you're dating as you're older,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's basically, that's what it is, bae. That's all it is, dude. You go, you hit the date and you're just kinda like, right away you come out and you're not even being like, usually when guys are like, well, you know, uh, I, I've been traveling, I'm business, I make a lot of, well I have a nice car. It's like dude, skip all that, you can skip all of it. Obviously if you pull up in like a fucked up van, I mean I got pussy in a fucked up van, but you know, whatever. It can be done. It can be done for sure. But if you roll up on a chick and you're just kinda like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you, what are you doing with yourself? And like, I don't even want to pursue this. If you don't have a vision that I can align with, this is our, our union's pointless. Because then it just devolves into that weird, standard relationship of like, meh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And no one knows what either person's actually trying to do with themselves and you just start having weird power struggles and being like, you shouldn't leave that there and you start fighting. It just turns into a fucking bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's also like, you know, cause you'd hear people be like, you know, you think I'm just standing around waiting for you. It's like, even if you have a regular ass fucking job and you're out like doing the damn thing, if someone comes up and like, I'm doing something sick right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you literally trying to do with yourself? Cause then like if a chick hits a tailspin while you're like with her,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're having like, identity shit. It's, it's like, fucking crazy. Cause you're just like, what's your plan here? And they're like, fuck you. Like, you can't. If you just, literally, you find Bay, here's the, finding Bay is nothing. You have to stabilize Bay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the darkness, bro, and you're, I think you're 100% right. People don't want to hear that at all. But 100%, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they also, there is that weird like dating rite of passage where, yea they're like, there's always some friend if not a couple who are like, we have to meet you and approve of you. Ehh, it's just like, shut up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, they do. That is something, man, when Bayes hit 30, it gets very, I've said it before, it gets very games of thrones-ish, dude. Or game of thrones-ish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they do, some of them start getting married, some of them start, and there's these milestones that like if they see their bay friends hitting, they're instantly just like, trying to like grab their ankles and get back down here with us, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nope, you gotta fuck chads on tinder with us dude, that's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such a cool way to just approach your life in general where it's like, you're in a fucking float tank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're stoned and you're just like having literal visions, dude. You're having body sensations. I'm like, I left my body at a point where I just, and it's like, I'm sitting there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being kinda like alright, like going with it, but I wasn't, I wasn't just like making this shit up, I was literally just like, it took a little work on my part to like slow my breathing and just kinda like really let go and just kinda release and give into it. Dude, there was one point I- I'm gonna get made fun of this so bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in the float tank, I'm obviously channeling Santa Maria, and I'm like, dude, we are, we have merged, there's no more, cause I have weird religious superstitions hung over from Catholic grade school, where I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if Santa Maria is the devil, dude? And I'm like, so I'm like, oh no, I'm scared. I'm in a float tank. What if Santa Maria is the devil? And I'm like, can't be a pussy, dude. The Incans weren't bitches. They weren't worried about the fuck. I'm like, we got fucking tricked by all that bullshit anyway. So I'm like sitting in the tank. I'm sitting in the tank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I'm, I swear to God I'm not making this up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I all of a sudden start, this is after I had the thing about stabilizing Bay. I'm like, so you find Bay, stabilize Bay, hit it with your vision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, so I'm in the tank, I'm kinda nice, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself, this is cool. I feel literally what feels like a vagina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've read about it, it's like a cosmically sexual experience. So I've read about this before, people who have done this where they have what's called like a cosmically erotic experience. I've heard about women getting fucked while doing yoga, it's called ganja yoga, where they like get really high and do yoga and this chick was like, I was getting fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. True. She was by herself. And I didn't even think anything of that. It wasn't like a direct like, I'm in pussy, but it was like a weird sensation where I'm like, this feels kind of weirdly good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the point where I thought I could come, but I didn't out of respect for us. I was like, I can't come in this flow tank, dude. I was like, Santa Maria, stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was all into it, dude. We, it literally again, that talk of like being like, well, what are you actually trying to do with, I've never asked her that in my life. Like, what are you actually trying to do here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was like, uh, and then you know, we talked about it, and then it was like, okay, all the weird bullshit, for the moment, dissipated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where it was like, dude, that day I had stormed out of Target and walked home. That's the level of relationship we're working with. So it's like, you know, we're not doing awesome. So it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thrusting to the point where, you know, as much thrust as you get from squeezing your butt cheeks. That's all. I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't jack hammering from the bottom, dude. I was just pinching my butt cheeks a little bit, dude. You were, you were slow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, dude, that's a high, it's still impressive. It's a very erotic experience. It's also just staring at a girl until you come. I mean, that's a dream come true for Abay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta squeeze your thighs for sure on that one. Yea, straight legs, straight arms. If you wanna come, there is something with your thigh muscles. Yea, you're absolutely right. If you squeeze out, lock out your joints, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How would she feel if you were to like, I mind come again? What if you started doing that like all the time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know Clixon? No. It's like the person who just rubs the bottom of the shaft and the dude is like, uuuh, and eventually he comes. Tight? Yea. I tried doing a Clixon handjob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's trying to get into a coma. True, dude. Yeah. I got Britney's car, dude. I'll go 27 miles an hour. We'll try to replicate it. Dude, that's fucking, yeah, cause you said you spent like a week kind of laid up. A week? How old were you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, the summer between fourth and fifth grade. Dude, a week for a nine to ten year old? I guess that would be, yea, nine to ten. That's an eternity, dude. Yea. In bed? That's fucking wild.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So dude, basically it takes me to my next point. So you find Bae, stabilize Bae, which obviously you did. You came in front of her no handed. I broke her like a Comanche.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm like, so I'm sitting there, and I'm like, damn dude, manipulating reality is so fucking tight, I hope people start doing this. And then I was like, oh fuck, that's what the Matrix is about. Basically, Keanu Reeves just wakes up, and he's like, oh dude, I can kind of like, I can do whatever, I can do stuff, I can change stuff. And then who does he see, dude? When you're out here mindfully manipulating reality, who do you encounter but a bunch of Agent Smiths, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's what I was telling the- I'm gonna tell the dogs. I'm like, when you're out here, you're manipulating reality. People go, uuuh. You're just like, bro, stop agent smithing me, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's what happens, you get people who just want you to pull you back into the ego mass and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, be like us, we all do the same stuff and we're comfortable with it, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. Yeah. You really don't, yeah, you really don't. And especially given that the steaks are, again, I always, like, I always, whenever I get whacked out, I'm always like, alright, what's that steak here? And I'm like, I can eat pretty much for like 10 years. I'm pretty good. Like, I can, I can get food basically. Like, I'm not gonna die. Yeah. So what am I bugging out on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no one was fucking with that bro. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, we're not doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And being on YouTube, and I was so fucking ruthless, dude. If I saw anybody doing anything, I'd be like, yo, that fucking sucks. What the fuck are you doing? You're fucking weirdo. The one guy I did call out, he was being a pervert, I stand by that, but he was doing like TikToks, and I was like, TikTok, he was commenting,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On some sort of weird video. There's like girls, there's like a funny girls dancing video. And he had, everyone was like oh this is funny and one guy was like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I request another song? And I was like, dude, you're a fucking pervert. But besides him, yeaah, I would be on there just fucking with people because, you know, at the time of my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I was also miserable. True, I was stopping at Chomo, but I was definitely miserable. Like, and it's funny too because looking back on it now, I didn't realize that I was miserable. I was just like, that fucking sucks!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I st- I was in Target today, like, getting- buying something where I picked it up and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So go to the fucking gym. Yeah, it is a poisonous way to go, dude. So that's, that's basically what I was at. I was sitting there, I was just like, damn dude, where does, you know, you need to be a Neo or Agent Smith, dude. And that's it. What a great analogy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you'd be Neo, Agent Smith, and it is true because there tend to be more Neos. There tend to be more Agent Smiths kicking around, being like, what are you doing? Do you make money with that? Uuuh, how's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it also gets into how people think we're like super distinct separate entities, but we're way more permeable. We're like, I can just be going about my day and some guy can be like, bitch, and I'm like, bah, God, what the fuck is that about? And it's like, people think they're like these, we're these weird, like we're like totally separate, and it's, do we kind of have, for the most part, access to each other's like nervous systems in a weird way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Catholic Church came around and like, cut everyone's heads off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They did. Well, obviously too. What do you need the Catholic Church for if you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just gonna eat that. Some guy's like, here, give me 10% of your income. And he's like, I'll just eat that thing and like bug out in the woods for a couple days. And they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that? Devil! Huah! And they cut your head off. Yeah. So did the Mayans, they went around, well the Mayans were... The Mayans were into headcutting off too. They were sac, they were sacrificing. There's some people that like to say like, oh they just made that shit up. No, they were sacrificing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think people will start, once they become, they're already becoming decriminalized, and once like, there's gonna be the next 20 years, people are gonna set up like, retreats, they're gonna combine western science so like, they can literally measure, they could take a lot of the anxiety out of it by like, they could do the test to be like, no, you are 100% safe, bam, go do this thing now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you dude, I think this is gonna be, it's the only thing that makes sense in terms of, cause like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most ideologies end up getting perverted by people's like, let's say like their id impulses. So you can have like, like dude, I'm with a bunch of social justice warriors. Their whole thing is inclusivity. But it's like if you try to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you try to think you're, you have access to an idea that's just all good, like, we're just inclusive, we're the ones doing the right stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happens is, is that like, you're just subconsciously, you're just gonna reenact the thing that you're against. You know what I mean? Like, so basically they, they're like, we're so good, and then they'll be like, we'll study a theorist, and they're like, he's, of course, he's an arrogant white man, and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's weird. That's a weird hang up. I mean this guy has volumes of fucking stuff to talk about. And dude, literally I'm in a class where for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a, it's an uncle table, dude. I'm like, I've been in this sit, like I've been here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the thing, if you have an ideology, you can, in theory, be like, this all makes sense. But when you're, like, you know, there's id, like there's ego and psychoanalysis, the id is just your animal impulses to like tribalism and just kind of domination, all this stuff. While you're like, yeah, we're so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just inclusive or that. You have all these weird impulses where like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically, oh, so this is what I was saying, so I think psychedelics will be, cause like all the ideologies kinda fall apart just cause our human nature kinda like gets embedded in them and fucks them up, which I guess could happen, I guess does happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a zoomed out perspective, and that's literally, I would argue, that's kind of a perspective that, you know, that's a very open-minded perspective to be like, yeah, well like, think about what, like, that time to be like, yeah, we're gonna stop. It's so, it's crazily impressive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's true. That's something that people, I don't think, are ready to start thinking like that. For the most part. But I think you're- I mean, dude, right now in my school-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but yeaah, there is a, yeaah, I mean, there's also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing of Black History Month is, it's split because it's like, you know, kids I think are genuinely excited to be like, like, black kids are like, yeah, this is awesome, we get to talk, this is stuff we're interested in, we get to talk about, then you do get some even who are like, why the fuck do we have Black History Month anyway, it should just be like a normal, it should just be integrated into all the, uh, the rest of the month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys were still doing that? Yea. Like, come on guys, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, you know, but again, like, who's gonna be the one to be like, alright, we're done. Like, we're not doing it this year. Everyone's like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True, well they can just teach history, cause there's like, critical theory, which is that's like the really, like you were saying, it's only looks through things in terms of power relationships, where it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any racial issue is a legacy of slavery, like, no matter what. So it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was a fucked up thing that, for the time, if you think about it now, really wasn't, you know what I mean? So it's like, they could rework history in a way that just kind of includes everything, so you're not watching it being like, these motherfuckers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a hard, black, conservative nerd, too. He is. Unabashed nerd.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True, that is true, but it's also like a couple, you can go a couple blocks over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The south side of Chicago is like, it's like a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I've been in that, in Philly, I've been in that situation where I'm in like a bar where I'm the only white person involved in an area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in there with Brittany and I'm like, I'm alright. And the whole point of this is I was like, there is something to be said for being like just the only person of your skin color in like an entire area as far as you can see. It's so weird because people, then you're just getting to mind games, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that guy staring at me? Am I, am I just being weird? Because I'm the only white person here, you know what I mean? So I'm like, I don't know, I was like, for me I'm like, you know, I'm-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't really uncomfortable like that, but that was the first time I was like act- I was physically aware of I'm like, I'm being weird right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like if you were, if you were so, you know...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a, a white racist dude, you have that all like, you know, perpetuate, you have that like, pan it down to you. You're gonna walk around, you know, you're just gonna be like, uh, doing shit, like fuck you, uh, you know, that's like something you gotta kinda keep under wraps, you can only-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're like a black dude who's being like, fully like, I'm oppressed,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This never ended, I'm still getting fucked. Yeah, of course, you see a crosswalk, you're like, what? This is just mechanisms of the fucking oppressive machine. Fuck this shit, I'm going as slow as I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck yeah. I nailed it. Yeah, I, yeah, I, I do agree. And there's also, there is a lot of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially Drexel's campus, dude. Yeah, a lot of, for some reason, college kids fucking walk across so slow. Mmhm. And I, they just kinda- Cause they're all retarded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's for sure is a lot of the, on whatever, however you slice it, whenever, you know, whatever part of the spectrum you're rocking from, you start eating mushrooms and doing deep dives, this shit hits the fucking, this shit falls apart, of being like, uhm, uh, this and that, and like, if you get like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, exactly. I, I, that's my personal opinion. This shit starts to dissolve. You know, these weird, like, artificial boundaries and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what was that like for the, cause you were, we all had different setups. You were in the office doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda like, that's what's up, bro. I feel like IT guys are under like a special, protected class. Cause we're all autistic. You cannot get, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spiritual experiences being put, it's just, it's coming out of everybody dude. It is. It's really, and that's, dude today I'm sitting there, so this is a thought I had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds kinda corny, but I don't care. It was like, so I'm walking around, I'm taking, I take my breaks between like, I'm seeing kids doing therapy, and I'm like, I usually take walks between them, cause it's like, sometimes the shit's just really, kinda like, weighs you down. A little heavy. A little heavy, yea. So I'm taking a walk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's out of nowhere I started thinking about same things, all my mind, spiritual experiences. I'm like, damn dude, people just gotta get way more spiritual. So, and I don't even know where I started thinking about this, so I started thinking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The concept of God, like when people say like, you know, they believe in God and I'm like, it just dawned on me to say like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, people say God's everything, right? They're like, God is everything, which...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, in a way, if you have a relationship with God, you just have a relationship with everything simultaneously, which produces all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does that make sense? Sure. So it's like, rather than being sucked into your own little world of like, why me? You're walking around having a relationship with everything around you. Okay, I can appreciate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a way. So, and then if that's the case, then you start going, okay, so it's everything, then you start every person you encounter, you're treating with a certain level of respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're saying like, you're not just some fucking, you're literally part of everything that I'm in awe of. And then you treat, that's basically what western society has dictated often, that you can't go around killing people because they have a divine spark inside them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's literally the conscious manipulation of reality. You're creating your reality rather than being a passive acceptor of what's happening. That's the sacred church of dogology, bro. Of like exactly what you're saying. Like taking part in the structuring of the events and reality around you rather than being like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you man, and that, dude, that, that makes perfect, and that's literally what mysticism is, is saying that we are, people are gods, and everything is, you know, that way, like, that's how you kind of deal with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you would help me move, so I'm also indebted. It's unspoken. People ask me, I'm the same way, I'm half, I'm like, yes, I can't. People like, you help me move, I'm like, yes. I get excited to help you. Yeah, I also, I do get a weird, like, they're gonna see how strong I am, I did labor for a while, and they're gonna see I'm a laborer. I do get pumped on that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. It started raining too, so we like- Toiling, but with a purpose. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, that's, I'm telling you, that's age of Aquarius, this is where it's coming in dude. Mystical experiences, conscious manipulation of reality, stabilized bay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People start agent smithing you on your reality quest, you just stop agent smithing me. And then you just, you get to explain dogology to them. And they just go, brrrt, their sunglasses and suit comes off, and they're like, brrrt. I've always wanted to, and it's like, just go do it, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, and it's like, I'd rather hear people's fucked up thoughts on stuff than have someone sit here and be like, I don't, I don't know, you guys are, and it's like, dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck is kicking around in your head that you're fucking geeking out? Like if I hear people saying fucked up stuff and laughing, I'm like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what a fun time, but if someone's like, mm, I can't hear any of these thoughts, it's like, bro, what the fuck? That's an unnatural reaction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm saying we're all the same thing. Of course this isn't even conscious manipulation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That shit where like, you don't have to try that hard to be funny, just talk about something you're into, and if you're naturally funny, the stuff will come, you know. He's coming with us tomorrow, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean dude, wait till, and this was the final total cap of the float tank is the stink tank now is going to be


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sacred church, the Church of Sacred Nogology. So then we're gonna do, we're still gonna do that live show. Me, Sidney Butterly, Gillis is gonna come on the first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now, Butterly and Sydney are training, right? They're going to go into training, do a couple floats, did a horse trade. I was like, Hey Russ, horse trade? Did a horse trade with old Russ. Did you see Honey Boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All, all four of, it'll be the three of us every single time and then whoever else will get some people in will basically be a baptism of whoever wants to do the show. So it'll be four comedians, float tanking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're doing that show in April right now, so I'm gonna try to see when he has a weekend off in April or early May. As soon as I pin that down, I'm settin' that the date will get set, cause that absolutely needs to happen. Fuck yeaah. The date will get set, I'm looking for like early May, late April.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot about the live show aspect of it. Bro, it's gonna be crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's going to be awesome. Cause I just did it by myself and I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just came out of there of like 45 minutes worth of shit to talk about. Time's up by three other people. It's gonna be insane, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, it's something I'm also going to start doing. It's called dogable. And I'm going to start taking the books that I put out as like the reading list and then kind of cliff note breaking them down. That's pretty sick. Yea, some of them are dogable, dude. I actually like that. Cause we go back and forth on a lot of books. I know. It'll be fun. So that'll be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, uhm, I'm gonna compile it and then go book, re-read the books that I put out, re-read the books that I've been like read, especially the fiction books, I'll just, you know, just read them. But the non-fiction books, I'm gonna re-read them, take notes, and then be able to give people like a 30 minute kind of reduction and be like, alright, here's kind of what it is if you want to get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of. I ran if I would. I ran if I would. No, I did feel that kind of way about it. I would. He was like, I was like, brought that concern. He's like, shut the fuck up. Just do it. It'll be awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am gonna g- I told Wood I'm gonna gift him, I was like, well every like third one I'm just gonna gift you a Patreon and be like, just tax bro, take that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take that and keep that. Yeah, I'm trying to just produce way more content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chat Digital is tight too because it's not a, uh, it's not a money-wise corporation. There's no financial ties, it's just literally- It's more of a philosophical corporation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a millennial falcon. It's, it's so future, it's, you know, money's beneath it. It's just kinda like, you know, obviously, you know, help us fuckin' do this shit, I guess, but it's like, dude, there's no, there's none of that like, well, this is mine, and pay the, it's just like, bro, here's a, here's a collective, dude, enjoy it, enjoy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at the whole thing, dude. This whole cycle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On YouTube? No. No, no. Bitch shoot. This isn't on those kind of things. Bitch shoot? It gets kicked off YouTube immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard it's a weak flu. Yeah. I think it's a hoax to try to destabilize the market and get rid of Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? It's fucking appetizers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're chilling, having fun. Yeaah, I think I'm having a good time. We're goofing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking crazy. I'm gonna listen to it. Colby Wright. Wait, what happened with Colby?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something like weird magic shit, dude. It's kinda wild. What's higher side?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're pushing Biden up there to run, so like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You call him dog? It was a joke, dude. It was a joke. Non-fucking-stop, and I'm like, dude. He comes at me with the same shit, dude. Don't bleed this fucking puppy dog ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about Quaddin', dude? Playin' the 19 year old fuckin' kid? Yeah, dude, that's not funny either, bro. Ah, the young boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's a good reason to mob. Nah dude, he's like fucking nine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't, I mean, my cousin lived in Arizona and he went out one time to wash his car and just threw, like, uh, he filled up his, uh, bucket of water and threw it on his windshield and shattered his windshield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was so hot. Oh shit. Yeah, dude. It's wild. Car washes out there are wild in the desert. Yeah. Gotta be careful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was Trump's message to the nurses that he loves them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking of some guy coughing and dying, and they're like, what the fuck are they doing? What is that, an airplane? Like yea, the president sent airplanes. He's like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wonder what is that, who is, I mean I guess it gets people, everyone was outside watching it. So I guess it gets people pumped up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird, it's weird, it's an old thing, I think it's kind of a, it's kind of an antiquated show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being like, we're gonna fly military planes over your city today. It's fucking weird. You're right, it is kind of strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just let the hatch down to set, dude, it'd be funny if they dropped like water balloons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that would be, if they drop some, or just like drop like a hundred gallons of water out from the sky, I would turn to like a mist and come down on us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now they're, I love how they're just being like, oh, by the way, all they're showing is the same fucking pictures that everyone else has been like, yo, what is this? Like, ah, that's nothing. Now they're like, yo, remember those blurry pictures of shit in the sky?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like sports, sports are shut down. What can we do? Uh, how about aliens? Can you give them aliens? Like, you think we can give them aliens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a big, he's always believed, dude, are you kidding me? He believes. We're just kidding, they're about to harvest us now. I mean, it's probably like a weird Russian spacecraft. Now that the government believes. I think the Russians don't have shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like legal weed. It's like, okay, so yeah, I pretty much knew he had aliens, whatever. I don't know, I'm not impressed. People were bugging out about it. I'm like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't have clearance to be there. Anymore, that could be a fu- You could send drones halfway across the world anymore. It'd be so easy to send UFOs around. I don't buy it. I don't buy it one fucking bit. This hot weather's coming, dude. This coronavirus shit's over, man.


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[Assistant] This warm weather is crushing it, dude. I went, I went and saw my parents, dude. I said enough of this bullshit. I went and hung out.


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[Assistant] For sure, my mom's watched enough Fox News to where she just doesn't believe in COVID, which is sick. She's just like, come on, just come on, come at, let's, let's, we're all, they all had the flu like two weeks before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I all had the flu. My mom was like, we had a little bug, we're fine now, come on out, let's, let's, let's hang out, let's have dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about the fucking numbers, dude? The numbers are getting spiked by probable cases. Yeah. That's, you can't do- They've been doing that. Yeah, that's crazy.


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[Assistant] Well no, because they, they withheld the probable cases from New York's body count.


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[Assistant] Yeah, a bunch of different doctors thought these people probably had COVID.


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[Assistant] Which if you're running like a statistical analysis, that's, that's totally invalid to be like, well, how'd you guys determine? Uh, doctors.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he was like, well he died and you know, we, we, uh, you know, we matched some symptoms up. It's like, you can't, you can't do that and count that as the official thing, unless you asterisk that and you're like, these many people specifically thought that.


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[Assistant] Aren't they always die- Isn't that why being an emergency room nurse is horrible because people are constantly dying in there every day?


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[Assistant] And dude, I think we definitely got hit with some sort of bug.


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[Assistant] I mean, really, first of all, let's be real here. This is definitely, we're not gonna actually fight China and win anything. These are billionaires shuffling money around and just having a bunch of people die.


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[Assistant] China's fucked up, man. What do you know about them?


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[Assistant] That's, dude, I think, I think it's already, the war's already happening, dude. I think they are turning us into China.


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[Assistant] Uh, this is how all the other countries in the world are like, yeah guys, this is what you guys have been doing to us for fucking ever been fucking with us. Nah dude, we help bro, we're number one.


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[Assistant] I will say, I've, I've been looking into China, we, we, I mean, America's had their hand in some evil shit, but I don't think we're, like, China is fucked up, man. Yeah, China's wild. Did you, did you ever get into their, like, child, uh, their age of consent? Child programs?


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[Assistant] Under mal, it used to be you can't get married unless your combined age is 50.


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[Assistant] That's awesome. That used to be a law in China. You can't get married but the age you can send is 14.


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[Assistant] I mean, some of it just doesn't exist. China came up with their age of consent because they were, they had, so they had rules that.


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[Assistant] A lot of their age of consent laws are from like 800 years ago where it was like their original for a woman to prove.


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[Assistant] That she was raped or sexually assaulted. She had to prove that she fought tooth and nail and never gave in, even if it was at like the risk of her life.


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[Assistant] If they can prove that at one point she just gassed out and gave up, they'll just lash her for being, uh, life-sentient and having illicit affairs. Dude, China's fucking nuts, dude.


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[Assistant] Again, is it all like that? I don't fucking know, but I'm reading, I'm reading from The Economist.


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[Assistant] Dude, literally, it's the Brock Turner defense. When they asked Brock Turner, he's like, yeah, she can't.


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[Assistant] On Oath, he was like, uh, far from a rapist, I'm a savant.


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[Assistant] Did you go pressure? I was never a pressure player. Someone told me it would bend it, it would curve my bird.


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[Assistant] So if you obviously, like they were saying, like, if you get caught raping a kid, like you're, you're in hot water.


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[Assistant] If you have sex with child prostitutes who are underage, they're just like, that's different.


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[Assistant] So that's a loophole in China. You can pay to have sex with a child and it's a way lesser charge and it's not like, they're like, okay, he's a bit of a party animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, I don't, uh, I think the prostitution's been there forever, even, even within the Communist Party. Yeah. I think this is more of living in like a weird dictatorship. Yeah, they live in a wild dictatorship.


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[Assistant] I mean, if they had any kind of vote, people were like, fuck no, you can't do that. Then again, I don't know, who knows. It's funny, that's the thing right now.


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[Assistant] They went full, full asso. I think they do have, and again, I'm, I read about this.


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[Assistant] Fuck them. Some guy just goes in a box and is like, fuck these guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah man, that's, they're hyping us up man. They're, they are making us China right now. Yes. Mass, everyone's, everyone now, in the fucking, excuse me, in America.


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[Assistant] That was like, dude, mind you, I couldn't go inside. The inside was blocked with a table. They opened the door. I was like, yeah, let me pick up my order from a customer. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry, but we can't, we can't serve you. And I'm like, I'm not even inside, man.


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[Assistant] They're like, we, uh, and I was like, so if I was wearing a bandana, this would be fine, right? I didn't even want to do this, but I'm like, I don't, I'm not driving all the way home to go get a fucking mask.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the lady, and if I was going inside of it, yo, this is your guy's spot. Fair enough. It was already paid for. All they had to do is take my box that was right there and drop it on the table and they could just walk away. If they thought I was like patient zero dude. So I was like this, can I have my meat? And they're like, okay. And I was like, thanks. I had just took it and left. I mean, this is, this is like, this is ridiculous, man.


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[Assistant] I get the fear behind it. I'm not saying, oh, but it's like, dude.


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[Assistant] You're sliding a box on a table. I'm not going to like blow this through your mask and over. It's like people are just being.


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[Assistant] It's now, it's like a, it's a hard virtue signal, dude, of just being like, oh my god.


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[Assistant] If you're, I'm walking my dogs with no mask, I see people with masks, they just look at me and they're like, come on, babe, let's get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some guy came out, I was like, sure, oh, they make a big spectacle, and it's like, it just, it, like, Billy told me about that, and me and Spade were laughing, being like, ah-ha, he spurged out, I was like, woah-woah-woah-woah, as soon as the lady hit me with that, I was like, oh, so if I had a fucking bandana over my face, woah-woah-woah, I instantly spat.


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[Assistant] But dude, it's like the way too, she was like, I'm sorry. And she like shut the door. I'm like, dude.


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[Assistant] What movie did you just watch? Like we're all, we're fine, man. This is, this shit's, I don't know.


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[Assistant] I was like, okay, what was it? No pre-existing conditions, no anything. I was just like, Oh, and an infant did die somewhere in China. So, you know.


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[Assistant] I cannot help but feel like there's a concentrated effort to make this as bad as poss- to make this seem as bad as possible.


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[Assistant] Like dude, you guys both are saying that. You can't both be looking out for, which collective, what, which, how big is this collective?


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[Assistant] I think people who watch a lot of the news, I am now starting to look at them as porn addicts.


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[Assistant] Cause now is a weird pornography of just like, instead of like, you know, making you crumb.


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[Assistant] That's what David Icke was saying. It's not, we don't have coronavirus. We have a bunch of people dying because of 5G is now like spreading through our land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you talking about, dude? Check your bars right now. Three bars? Exactly, dude. Rest of my case. Yeah, they're trying to, there's a lot of people saying that 5G is blocking people, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always wanted to do stand up where I have just my boy come out with me and sit on stage and charge his phone. And just like every time I talk, just be like, let me see.


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[Assistant] You know, dogs throw up, it's just those little pellets and they get like that big and they all come out and they look huge.


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[Assistant] No, dude, it's like, no, I'm not fucking, why, no, why do you think I'm...


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[Assistant] Yeah, man, my, uh, my mom and dad are, they're just bugging out. My mom's just, my dad is working, he's like staying in a hotel because he's still working. He's a fucking American. So he's, uh, he has, he's like, it's like an hour or so away. So he just chills in the hotel and he's, I was talking to him today and he's like,


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[Assistant] No man, no, she's been, she's, my mom's, she's just like genetically a zealot.


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[Assistant] You should start holding it down like you go to church every day and you're disgusted at a lack of faith.


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[Assistant] My mom called me being like, I don't know, and he's like, what the hell did your mother tell you? I swear to God, it's a good thing. He's like laying out the facts to me, and I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's these guys, they took you and mom out, you, mom and a bunch of other people out to dinner and on the way going into the thing, some guy can't cut in front of my parents and cut them off in the parking lot. It was the fucking dude who was selling the financial investment. Clearly a fucking dickhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he takes them out and so there's these, it's called, uh,


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[Assistant] So if you're in the finance world and so say you have a financial package or financial plan or like some sort of product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can say like, I'm another finance guy. I can make art. Send me the illustrations. Send me like your projections.


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[Assistant] And this place, I don't even know what that means, but this place specifically said like,


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[Assistant] Oh, by the way, we don't, you can't send, we can't send the illustrations to anybody.


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[Assistant] Well, they're insurance guys. Yeah, they're like, well, you know, I don't want to, I don't want them to catch up on this. So if you're, if you're an insurance guy, I just, I call my boy, he told me about this. If you're an insurance guy, you can say whatever the fuck you want. You can be like, this is the million dollar retirement plan. This is a level of life. You're working in like the security. If you work in like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Securities, you have to deal with the SEC and if you make like false claims, they can come fudge you up.


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[Assistant] That's for as far as I know. So basically you get these insurance guys who can promise.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, we're gonna have a banquet in your honor. And, well, the way it works is a...


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[Assistant] You don't really lose money. Well, kind of do. It's like, they tie up as much money as they possibly can in this thing. I forget what it's called. Reverse amateurs. I don't know what it is, but they just, they're like, hey, give us your money and we'll give you like,


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[Assistant] Up to 5%, which means who the fuck knows. Really, they give you 1%.


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[Assistant] My friend was telling me, he was like, dude, I want to sell this to kind of, I want to sell these things to people, but they like, so if you sell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, this thing, whatever it is, you get 7%, 8% of like, say someone invests a million dollars, you get 70 fucking grand. That's how bad people want you to sell these things. So that's like, they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you could promise me a million dollars for 10 years at 1%, I'm going to be like, yo, I'll give you 70 G's, go get that for me. You're going to make a ton of money. So I had to call my dad and be like, dad.


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[Assistant] You know, I'm laying out the facts. I'm like, all right, so you can't show the numbers to anyone. That's, he's like, well, I got to sign the papers and they'll show me the models. I'm like, all right, dude, you hear what I'm saying here, bro?


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[Assistant] I took you out to dinner, you can't show enough. He's like, ah, your god damn mother just, I, I just, I wish I did.


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[Assistant] Dude, they can't be, yeaah, they can't be, this, dude, this is fucking them up. We're becoming China, and they're just like, they came up where it was like, at one point, I think my dad bought a house, and the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interest rate became so high that it wiped out his


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[Assistant] The way the mortgage thing went, the interest rates are so high that like you didn't really pay any mortgage interest on your house. And they went through the dot com bubble where all their houses doubled and tripled.


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[Assistant] And then now like we're kind of all, we've slid into a big recession. We're locked in our houses by the government due to a.


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[Assistant] Weird fucking flu that they can't really- the numbers are all fudged. And-


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[Assistant] They- they are powerful, they're just slowly losing their power. They- Baby boomers have made- they've had the best fucking lives.


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[Assistant] World War II, which is insane. World War II, and then these guys came out, just miss Vietnam.


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[Assistant] And just like, I guess I'll get an assurance now I have $500,000 a year. They just all crushed it so fucking hard. None of them went to college. None of them had debt.


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[Assistant] They have so much fucking money. And now these guys are going around like, yeah, give me a bunch of money, dude. And the way they do it, they're like,


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[Assistant] This isn't stocks or any of that risky stuff. This is, this is insurance. We're selling insurance stuff. And it's like, I guess my dad was like, what the fuck does that even mean? He's like, insurance. They're doing insurance stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my uncle got hit on some land in Florida. Someone hit him with some swamp land in Florida. I was like, yo, this is the next big thing. Shit it out.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Insurance. Yeah, do you know those guys who- Just give us 20 grand.


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[Assistant] Dude, it's, uh, yeah man, things are gonna get pretty wicked. Things are gonna get-


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[Assistant] I have a butcher place that I like and I smarted off to the lady about a mask.


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[Assistant] That is a sick way to protest, to bring a bunch of like AR-15s out. It's like, that's...


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[Assistant] I mean, dude, I'm telling you, if, if like, if doctors.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but they would like absolutely slay because the people who oppose them never have guns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see Extraction? No. Dude, Extraction on Netflix is fuckin' sick, but at one point...


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[Assistant] Get out of the way and they just drive through the streets of India and like run through people's markets. Every time they blast into somebody's house, the family never reacts. They're just like, they just sit there on a couch and they're like, oh people are kicking in our doors again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, well dude, the movie is exciting. I got sucked in, I'm like, this is great. But it's every...


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[Assistant] I do. It's every cliche, it's every cliche, like, the part in the action movie where he takes off his shirt and the guy like sees his scars and bullet holes and is like, that's in there, it's so fucking funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he doesn't even talk about it. His mystery, his son's dead. That's like the back. He just has like brief, flittering hallucinations.


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[Assistant] I mean, obviously they're all corrupt and in the pockets of like drug dealers and stuff, but yes, it's the Indian army.


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[Assistant] I think, dude, I like, kind of only came into this movie after 45 minutes. Maybe it's another country, maybe I'm putting my foot in my mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These, these, these drug lords are too swagged out to be, uh, which I'm gonna call it, just from like Pakistan. These guys, no, it is India, dude. I'm, I'm pretty sure. Okay. But yeah, man, they, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And again, they got some hard checkpoints for India. I don't know, but dude, it's somewhere.


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[Assistant] Somewhere around there. And dude, this guy just. Sounds like a miracle.


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[Assistant] Cause the fights are like, you get something like punch, punch, flip, gunshot, boom boom. It's, he does like cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Wick fucking was so bad. John Wick's definitely better than Extraction. Extraction's shit's on John Wick, dude. Dude, Extraction is so believable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a thing, since you said they were just murdering the country of India, I'm like, I think this is what they do here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They both get like hit by cars five times, and they both are just like, alright, let me put my arm in a fucking rag and walk away. It's dude, it's so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'll watch that. At one point, dude, out of a window, just du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du.


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[Assistant] A crowd of soldiers. People are scattering for sure. But he's just, he's a good marksman, so he doesn't hit civilians, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I fucking, I elbowed her in the head on accident this morning.


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[Assistant] Dude, she does this new thing. She gets on my side. Like she gets all the way to my side. So then I get into-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't understand. It's crazy. Well, I think she wants to get, you want to get away from the baby because I think the baby can smell the breast milk and it wakes him up. But even like we're both in bed and I'll, I'll get in, I can have to pee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. It's insane. Babies can smell tits. They can smell tits. You come into the world smelling tits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, they can smell, so you gotta kinda get a little bit away from, like if I'm trying to give her a bottle, she has to go to the third floor, cause the baby will smell her and just be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, bro. This ain't it. This ain't the real deal. This ain't what I came for. This ain't tits, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently it's a big deal getting your baby to drink out of a bottle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I look at the nipples, I'm like, dude, why can't they make one that looks exactly like a female, like a woman's nipple, rather than this weird like oblong shave?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, dude, she was like, well, if they made flashlights, why can't they make nipples? And I was just like, you might be on to something, bae.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you have two bottles out here and I'm like, I'm teddy fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a nice show of force, just to be like, I'm st- I'm sticking on this call. I'm not gonna get deterred. But yea, it is just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just weird, man. It's a weird initial couple months to be like, you just wake up and you just see this little creature and you're like, what the fuck? What are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you just do one fucking, I've said it a hundred times. You're just watching them every day. Like it's today the day you're going to do one fucking thing for yourself. I think that just goes on forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I think having a kid is. It's like, you just get to enjoy having someone who's definitely dumber than you. And you get to just flex on them. They get old enough where you're like, look at you, what's happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's not like they're an idiot, it's just like, dude. You know.


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[Assistant] You would hope your kid surpassed it. You would hope your kid, you just don't reign over your kid forever, knowledge wise. I mean, I don't know. You can get in, I mean, this is gonna get me in a whole different territory, but what, uh, actually we still got some time. We still got some time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, it's gonna be China, dude. They're gonna buy all the national debt. You gotta wear masks now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What else is going on? Oh, they're going to now we're going to start. Do you read all the articles about how they're like, well, if we.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, age of consent law will drop 14. 14 to party, 22 to say your vows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can be like, I'm a bachelor and I have a passion for raising 14 year old girls. That's, that's like another loophole for like having like a indentured sex servant in your house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you get, uh. Is that true? Yes. Can you hear this? Dude, I'm reading it in the, uh, what is it? The Economist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the Economist is just kind of like, I don't, they're not like, I mean they just had a feature on Bill Gates being like, we invited Bill Gates to tell us why we need vaccines. Dude, I'm starting to like Bill Gates. What do you like about him? I don't know, I like that everyone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I respect that move big time. To be like, actually guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's weird? So it's like say, cause again, the idea that he's like a super villain, just hell bent on death and destruction. Yeah, obviously I don't, I don't buy into that, but what's weird is say you're as rich as Bill Gates and you have a weird phobia of like, say this guy has like a crazy phobia of germs and viruses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then rather than like, you eventually hitting, like if I'm like OCD, I'm washing my hands one time. I feel like, yo Matt, what the fuck? Like my, my crazy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could be real, it could be this guy's just a fucking nut and has a bunch of money and nobody stops him. They're like, where are you? Okay, yeah, you can try this shit on us, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, he was on there being like, he's got $300 billion. Why would he want to do this? It's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you could say that about it. Couldn't you have said that about him when he had 200 billion dollars? Like dude, he has 200 billion dollars. Why does he want to? Clearly this is not about like that dude hitting a certain number of money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These people are out for absolute, just, they can't stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not even gonna be a beef. It's gonna be like, yo, give us like a quarter of the amount of money you guys are making or we're gonna come for next, dude. You're making too much goddamn money over there, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People that talk shit on us every day? Wasn't even that, dude. These were the people, the thing that bothered me, oh yeah, that fucking blows. I'm not gonna say that, wasn't that? Definitely was. But the thing that killed me was like, I would go...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when I would go to helium and I'd be with like a headliner. I know this guy's making like 10, 15 G's a weekend. You know, sometimes some dudes are making probably like 20. And they would just be fucking miserable. So I'm like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, that upward, so instead of just inhabiting, this is my life mission dude, this is what I'm trying to spread, instead of just that upward gaze at like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I finally get, uuuh. Dude, there's a rotten piece of fruit up there, bro, at the top of the tree, and I just want to go and snatch it and just fucking smash it on the ground and be like, just live your own life, dude. Enjoy yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my message I'm trying to spread dude. We checked in with the dogs. What did we do? We could, we could kick our feet up dude and just be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] West Coast, uh, the ton of the West Coast coming by guys, bro. All of them are just like, fucking like, uuuh. This is a bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're getting hella paid and they're complaining. I just, I don't have time for them. I don't have time for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to stay, it's not even like, you know, I'm not saying to bad people, but it's that whole paradigm of like, I'm going to detach from humanity and be like worshiped as some weird entertainment demigod. And then behind closed doors would be a weird nervous wreck who's unhappy with my life. It's like, it's gotta be something better, bro. I'm going to, I'm going to change the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So people enjoy their lives for a change, dude. Hell yea. That's, that's, that's the now I have, that's all I'm trying to, that's all I'm trying to spread, dude. I'm trying to get back into standup, do the podcast and just let people know like, dude.


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[Assistant] Don't, but don't read this entertainment bullshitter thing for a minute. Like, this shit's as sick as, I mean, it's sick if you're sick, but most of the people I met doing standup who do it at a high level.


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[Assistant] I don't like, I didn't like who I worked for, I'll say, worked with. I didn't like.


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[Assistant] We'll go content for content, dude. We'll put them up. We'll just let the people decide. It's no big deal.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but that was due to a lot of structure. That was due to a lot of structure that was in place.


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[Assistant] Let, dude, maybe this is a psyop, dude. Perhaps it's a psyop.


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[Assistant] I don't think that's the west coast meal you, I just think that's the, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah. That's showbiz, bro. That's for me. That's been my experience. People are just like, man, fuck this. It's like, dude, you're not trapped in a fucking cubicle, bro. What are you crying about?


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[Assistant] No, I'm not even, like, you guys fucking, no, I'm, I'm, I don't know if, uh, maybe I'm not explaining it right, but that's, that's just the...


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[Assistant] That's what's up. That's a good, that's good to be doing that during the day. This is a good quarantine activity. You'd be chilling, controlling the troops.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, from what you explained to me, it sounds really fucking funny. Yeaah, it'll be good. These are pitched anyway. I mean anymore too, it's like- Definitely.


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[Assistant] But, I mean, definitely secure the bag with Netflix, but it's like, yeah, you can put, you could probably.


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[Assistant] I think, yeah, I think that's the way things are kind of going, dude. I do think that's the, uh, the eventual.


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[Assistant] I think we're getting absolutely sighed out by China internally. Where people are now looking at me like, you don't have a face mask? Oh, you don't want them tracking your phone? What's wrong with you? It's like, bro, is this China? Is this fucking- I told this to my mother-in-law yesterday. I'm like, this isn't fucking China, dude. I'm not wearing a goddamn face mask.


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[Assistant] Yeah dude, they're gonna have that. There's gonna be a mandatory vaccine for COVID. And apparently the new vaccine isn't even like...


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[Assistant] You know, and Bill Gates is on record saying that he has given tracers to people.


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[Assistant] Why is he trying to see where people are at? This is the shit I don't know. I'm just like, what is this?


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[Assistant] Full lockdown dictatorship. They have everyone's communication tapped. We don't really have paper currency. It'll become full lockdown dictatorship. It could, it could, if, if it, you know, if people wanted to.


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[Assistant] I'm fired up, bro. I'm ready. I'm ready for the next- I'm ready for post-COVID. I'm ready for war.


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[Assistant] We'll reconvene tomorrow. We'll hit a pa- I gotta- there's a lot of stuff going on on the page right now. I'm gonna interview a guy from the Triads. I think you know him. I think he said he hit you up.


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[Assistant] Dude, I was talking about this with Spud, and you know, we definitely will wrap this up, but the, uh, he was saying that people are gonna like, if they just like, oh, what's this, a comedy podcast, they're gonna get onto our Patreon and be like,


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[Assistant] No dog left behind, dude. It's gonna be, we're gonna be making sure everyone's good. It's gonna, it's gonna be a self-sustaining unit, dude. It's gonna be a virtual biota.


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[Assistant] This is what I'm talking about. If I was China, I would just be like, yeah, fuck you guys peasants. Give me a dollar. What am I doing? I'm a fucking American, dude. I'm going to be like, what's up? How can I help? You guys help me. How can I help you, dude? This is just what America is, dude. Yeah. I'm telling you, dude. This is great. Shake it off, dude. Shake what off? Shake the crap. What crap? I see your eyes darting. What the fuck is this? Shake the crap.


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[Assistant] Turning off the flame, turning on the gas.


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[Assistant] There's also a chance, that might be a pedophile's best day ever though, dude. They might be like, oh my god, and I'm getting tomb-sowed? Is that The Undertaker? Holy shit! Holy fuck!


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[Assistant] Oh, fuck. That'd be funny too, cause you ever see the fishing


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[Assistant] The good news is that that blanket will protect you against Corona as well. True. You're safe, yeaah.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't know if I'm coming out of this time. Things are getting pretty sketchy out there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think it, I mean, it was a bit alarmist. Uhm, Michael, uh, Osterholm.


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[Assistant] To start, you know, I would just, uh, offer a bit of a disclaimer, so it would be important if you have.


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[Assistant] Concerns to talk to your doctor, contact the, uh, the public health unit.


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[Assistant] But, uh, yeaah, the contrast that, um, that I would offer to, you know, a discussion of


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[Assistant] Uh, big numbers and sort of munching bats is the chaos, uh, in the front, in the front lines, right? So these, uh, these epidemiologists


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[Assistant] And uh, ID docs and their sort of ivory towers. That's not to say that some of them are swabbing people.


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[Assistant] But, uh, you know, aren't having first-hand experience, first-line exposure, and, uh, you know, shit's getting a bit scary. I wanna be under a blanket. I wanna be in a basement.


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[Assistant] Individuals that can be, uh, infected by, uh, a contact. So for example, if the R naught value is three, uh, an infected person tends to on average infect three others.


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[Assistant] So for different reasons this, this bug is more aggressive. It's, it's more difficult to contain.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the, the number of people that require hospitalization is higher and that's, that's sort of the crux of the problem is the


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[Assistant] You know, uh, working at beyond capacity and, uh, we've got these old folks with the corona on vents.


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[Assistant] Uh, and we're, we're having more difficulty addressing other sick people. So they're on like ventilation shit?


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[Assistant] Yeah, so roughly, uhm, of the population that's infected, maybe 20% will end up hospitalized. Okay, so 80%, you know, the verbiage that's used will have mild symptoms.


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[Assistant] That's from China, and they're tough motherfuckers. And mild symptoms, you know, can include things like pneumonia being sort of completely knocked out, right? And then there's maybe a fifth even that end up at hospital. And the data from Wuhan suggests that of hospitalized patients,


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[Assistant] In, uh, what's, what's sort of interesting, so the, the, the, uh, the best news is out of South Korea where they're quoting 0.5%. But what's, what's sort of concerning for me is Italy.


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[Assistant] The folks that died from Spanish flu.


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[Assistant] Tended to be younger, uhm, because it was related to sort of an over-response of the, the immune system or cytokine storm. Whereas this is, uh, this tends to be wiping out geezers. So the majority of people dying are, are over the age of, of 60. But that's not...


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[Assistant] In fact, people are more likely to die when the viral titers, that is the number of these fuckers in our blood, starts to drop off. And so the thought is, is that your body, which is responding usually to


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[Assistant] Necrotic cells in the lung, epithelial cells in the lung, um, creates a, uh, uh, so called ARDS, um, uh, which floods your lungs with, uh, with fluid and you, is sort of drowned on your own fucking pus. It's pretty nasty way to go. So the-


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's the idea. So ARDS, or acute respiratory distress syndrome, is end stage for the majority of people dying of corona. And that's why everyone is being vented, right?


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[Assistant] So in terms of criteria that we're using for hospitalization when they, when they start to, uh, to desat or lose, uh, oxygen in their blood.


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[Assistant] Uhm, they're gonna end up in these high acuity settings.


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[Assistant] The capacity is so limited. So, you know, in a reasonable, you know, mid-size,


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[Assistant] Town, wherever the fuck I might be. Uh, let's say that we have, you know, a hundred vents.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and, and the issue is that those can become saturated so quickly, right? So the, the sort of horrifying, uh, narratives out of Italy