[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that, that was a lot of fun, like, uh, they, this uhm, they, they got these two houses up in, up in the hills in, uh, it's, I guess, I guess it was the Hollywood Hills. Yeah, it was like just above, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love The Doors and they were the house band of the Whiskey-a-Go-Go in like the 60s. So it was really cool, kinda, I was like, I'm familiar with that place on Sunset Boulevard and stuff and they had this beautiful view from the house up there and stuff. That's where the podcast was. That was a ton of fun, like hanging out with them and meeting all the people and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it's fun, you know, big ass alligator, you're like, that's a dinosaur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, I always went super...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super hard in my prep, and I was like, if they don't fuck with this, this is on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I always, and I always did a lot of research, I always studied, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It probably sounded like I was trying to put on some kind of like, try hard, like, gravelly in a world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, uh, I was actually bored this morning. I was, I, I bet I was, I was like, I think he's gonna ask you about, uh, battle rap. So I wrote this morning what I'd say to you if I was in a rap battle with you. You wanna hear it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they said, better up, they always go, I said. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said, General Sam, what a hell of a man, old as hell, back in 70, probably headed to NAMM, unintelligent and he's an irrelevant sham and got a big mouth like a pelican, damn, but don't be sweating it fam, cause the message at hand is this jester is bland with a forehead like the elephant man, poof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said I was sniffing lines. What a silly lie. That was something to see. That's just me with his wife. And y'all like, what does he mean? See that white girl got bagged up with a G. You. Nothing to me. This fool is dumb partly and I'm moving up smartly. General Sam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You and what army bruh? Hardly, but now I'm on the podcast, having a hell of a time, embellishing the cleverest rhymes. I'm a Chad who's entered his prime. He's a rat. You can tell by how we bend in his spine. So now I'm in his YouTube cache, robbing them blind, heck pennies and dimes and taking whatever I find. Yoink. All your shackles are mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can say, yea, you can say that they know that they're being anti-feminist. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you going to cut that out or leave that, like the, the, the silence?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean what's the bummer about this whole COVID thing is you can't go to the gym and like half the fun of lifting is like, I used to have this really sick


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a gym that I went to called Five Rings Fitness and it was uhm, like my friend ran it and it was, it was just so cool. Uh, it was all these, you know, it was a bunch of bodybuilders, powerlifters, people that do CrossFit, people that do Olympic weightlifting, uhm, and there was some like seriously strong people there so you know, you'd go hang out there and it was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Yeaah. So, and now I go work out at, you know, Globo Gym 43. So it's not quite the same, but it's still nice. Not, also I now lift inside my house, so when I'm deadlifting I have to, I put the bar down so gingerly. Yeaah. So it's kinda hard to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get in the zone and you're like, okay, let's not break the floor here, chief.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not Planet Fitness. I actually got kicked out of Planet Fitness cause I started my lifting at Planet Fitness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was using chalk, and so that was, no, the first thing was I wanted a deadlift there, but I was like super gin- I like let it down super gingerly, uh, but they'd still be like, yeah, um, excuse me sir, uh, you can't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, uhm, what are you talking about? Like you're not bothering anyone. And their whole Planet Fitness' whole aesthetic is like the no judgment zone, but it's actually like more judgment. Because if you, like for example, if someone who never lifted in their life went to, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The gym I used to go to, Five Rings Fitness, which is like a LUNKHEAD gym, if you take that Planet Fitness kind of terminology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would be so supportive and that, that's because they're like, we want to see everyone succeed. We want to see everyone do well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then Planet Fitness is like, uhm, you can't do that and there's tootsie rolls on Wednesdays and there's pizza on Fridays or whatever. It's like, bro, you just, you just want nobody to actually come to the gym so you can charge them nothing a month but still collect from a lot of people. And uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why can't, what's with chalk? What's wrong with it? I don't know. I don't know. But it's one of those things. I, the thing is, what's cool now is Planet Fitness is such a bad, you buy people, it's just dirt cheap. That's the thing. Like that's their business plan. Get lots of people who never come to the gym on the, on the, you know, membership payroll. And then, uh, yeah, we're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's, uh, it's just, it's just really lame because I think once you learn about actually lifting, you realize how unhelpful and kind of judgmental and unpleasant places like that are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of big penises though, did you know that Rasputin had like an absolute schlonger?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, it's, well it's got, yeah it is like a traffic cone, it's got a, it's got a very sturdy base, and then it kind of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it doesn't really have much curvature to it though, so I don't know if it can hit that, that, that fabled G-spot, you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well his hairline's decent, it's a- he's got that like, uhm, thinning at the crown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'd rather have a bad hairline than thinning at the crown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of edibles. Like, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dank, dank edibles. Like that's the, I'd say that's the, that's like the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because if you think about it, it's like that's the standard one. You know, if you're just having a chill day or having a fun day or something, that's what you're gonna go for. You're not gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing some, uh, psychedelics or something takes a little more planning and prep because you don't just want to be like, let's do psychedelics today, you know? So I think that's kind of more, but yeah, definitely say, uh, that they are ever present in a low key way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they live up in Hollywood Hills? Oh no, they don't. They all live in Australia. That was just, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, they all live there. I think near like Melbourne, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yup. Uh, yup. Yup, yup. I wanna visit. I wanna visit Australia. I've never been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's what you're interested in, not like the immense coastal beauty or the wonder of the world Great Barrier Reef.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's inspiring that you can just go through such changes. Go from being a gay cowboy to something entirely different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, I've never been to Gotham. Planning on it one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, going up, uhm, if you're in the Amtrak, going up, uh, like on the east coast, you're like, oh, our country's, uh, getting a little rusty here, here boys. This is a, this is some, this is some decaying infrastructure. You took the Amtrak? Uh, multiple times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean when we're over, it's gonna be the entire northeast is gonna be one big mega city. Like you're just never gonna leave the city. And it's gonna be like DC to Boston is gonna be just the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, unless there is a societal collapse in November when Trump challenges the realness of him losing the election, and then we have a constitutional crisis, a civil war, and nukes drop, but that's, assuming that doesn't happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Concerning, but I feel like he's also not about to like do some wild things and be like, uh, it's by far lesser of two evils.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, agreed, but running on a platform that makes you unelectable isn't... you're not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it's a, it's a, it's a kind of a common decency thing. It's just like if you, if you publicly...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Groping women and, uh, being a bully to the army veterans and stuff, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you don't really have to be political to be like, this guy's a bully. And no bully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think you'll ever get cancelled? Me? For something? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's unhelpful to their cause, I'm sure. Because it's like, if people can answer and then understand it, then they'll be much more open and be like, oh yeaah, I get that now. If you're like, how dare you ask this question? It's like, you're shutting off any...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who wanna be supportive and helpful and stuff, so I agree with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in, in college, definitely like maybe, maybe spurred. It's always alcohol. Alcohol is, is always what will cause things like that. Cause, cause it, it prevents cooler heads from prevailing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I guess a couple times in college, I was in one good scuffle in college. That was, it was literally like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the day of a bar crawl and it was the whole, you know, the whole squad begins drinking at like 11 a.m. and it was probably, it was probably 1 a.m., 2 a.m. So it was being like somewhat drunk for a solid 12 hours that will, that will kind of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make your, somewhat deceptible to just be like, RAAAAAAH! You know, I think so. Huh. But, but, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, maybe, uh, I wrestled in high school, so uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was expecting, like, you were gonna have some epic story, like, yeah, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To give people who are watching context, uh, it was you, Aqua, and then kind of the rest, it was like a few other people that were, Bizzle was there too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We, we all had wristbands to get in or whatever. And so then there's, the main area is, there's one bar, like two bars, and they're both just swarming with people, like a, like shoulder, shoulder crowd that you would have to just wait forever to get into.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not person, no. No, not at all, not at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so, so what, what is you, who, who, you said you've never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Surge, C, and D, Blood, and I went on a walk around Seattle at night. We like walked along the whole, uhm, kind of the edge of the, edge of the water there. I guess it's the Puget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should have played Hardball. Tell them my, tell them you need some graphics cards in your account found in Raid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, but people are gonna be like, wow, look at this guy, he hasn't streamed in two years. I'm gonna sit there incognito- I'm gonna try to- They'll tune in and realize, they'll be like, oh, this guy's kinda funny on YouTube, I don't know about this though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you could do your own cuts, like a wheeze cut. You could be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you've ever been in, I just remember I was in this Minecraft tournament I was streaming about two weeks ago, and I did really badly. Like I'd never been in a Minecraft tournament before, and I just remember I died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I just, I like looked over at chat and was like, hey, you did a good job, well and like, you know, you, you say, cause I didn't die like first, I died like somewhere in the middle, but I like died kinda badly. And then I just remember, I just like, it's seared into my memory. I just see this one person, not subbed, not anything, just in, just all lowercase. Pathetic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm trying to think. Uh, usually though, I feel like if-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the thing is the people are gonna leave a negative comment. I feel like immediately it reduces the quality of the comment. Like most are just gonna be like, wow, you're really dumb and stupid and I didn't laugh at all and you're cringe and yeah, cringe. No, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's uh, I mean there's a lot of examples of that. It's usually like racism and stuff that the people, they like say something but it was like said by someone else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In racist connotation, like previously maybe a long time ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it like, isn't, it's like, uh, people who are looking for that see it and they're like, ah yeaah, I know what he's talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I mean, like three? Three? But I got, I got this, this too, which is like kinda counted, I dunno, I kinda counted, I did most of the damage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went for, I went for, for like baby mosin snipes. I pulled out my, my Tarkov, uh, Obrez big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just, I was like mid-range, I was just cleaning them out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think when they say dismantle the police and also defund the police is they're aiming, like for example, I think this is a big issue. The Pentagon sends police departments a lot of their old like military stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, if they have a bunch of military, cool military stuff, you wanna use that, cause that stuff is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that's a major issue because then in, it's, you start to look at everything like a war zone when it's, you know, it's not, it's just like an American city. So I think that is a major issue and I don't think they need to be militarized. I think if there's, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Military issues you call in the National Guard, for example, and instead of like regular police departments having like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, and, and the military is extensively trained to handle these things. You know, they go, there's, and there's enormous chains of commands and stuff, and it's like that, that just doesn't exist for police departments in the same way, or to the same kind of, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Extend and training and things. So I'd say that's kind of an issue and also I think when they say that they're like, okay, why don't we move some of the money that was going into funding these major police efforts into, you know, community outreach and education, et cetera, so you can


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I, I mean, you look at something like My Lai, but I mean, someone stopped that, the My Lai massacre in, uhm, in Vietnam. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, and, and you didn't know who was because it was like, uh, these people were, you know, they were sneaky and stealthy and you couldn't, you looked into a crowd and you were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Realistic, like it's all proxy wars and like, insurgent groups that just have to deal with. And, uh, cause I mean like think about like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't that in, uh, oh no, I'm thinking in the EU, Brussels, Belgium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, wait, no, you're right, you're right. I remember this. Yea, yea. He was a good looking fellow. Yea, he was a good looking dude. I'd let him take over my country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone made photoshopped young Joseph Stalin into a woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what is that rule that every conversation eventually, uh, mentions the Nazis?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a rule? There's a rule like that. There's an internet, internet phenomenon, phenomenon. Phenomenom. Yikes. Internet phenomenon that mentions Nazis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Godwin's law is an internet adage asserting that as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Devolves in, or at least, I don't even, devolve is not necessarily the right word, but it eventually somehow makes reference to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's, yeaah, but there's, the point is that this, that is, it is a unique, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he was being loud? Yeah, just put a boob in his mouth and fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't ask you things about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's going pretty good. I made it a little bit strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In my ear I had Abby yelling at me and my daughter. I have like this, I put up this fucking dividing wall in the kitchen that separates like the rest of the house from the kitchen slash my office. And uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh hell yeaah, she's walking and talking, well sorta talking, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that wasn't a skill of mine until you have one. Like, I remember I got in trouble because, uh, I tried to, uh, hook up at my wedding, I tried to hook up, uh, like a four-year-old with an eight-year-old. I was like, hey, like, she's pretty cute, right? And they were like, dude, they're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That quarantining thing? The social isolation? Or is it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was out yolo boarding in the middle of the fuckin' ocean, right? Off the coast of California. And like the, uhm, the coast guard or whatever, like, pulled up on like two big ass speed boats on either side of him to arrest him for avoiding quarantine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's, I don't know, it's pretty accurate. My wife will come up and do the back of the hand. That lady's probably a mother of five. She comes up and does the back of the hand and she'll go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're a little bit warm, and I'll take my temperature and it'll be like 99 degrees, you know? It's like one degree higher than it should be, and she can feel it with the back of her hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I don't know, maybe a little bit more patient. You seem to learn a lot about your, uh, your spouse. Like I've learned that Abby is not a patient person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Alright, have you heard the, uh, uh, do you find it at all suspicious that this virus-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I saw people, they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lobbying to make China pay for all the damages done around the world, which is like trillions of dollars at this point, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it occurred naturally at that wet market,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah. Nah. No, cause I just feel like, you know, those people, they just, they, the reason why they butcher that way is because they don't have necessarily the means


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, have you heard, like, don't get excited at this next part, dude. I know you, you're gonna start cheering and everything, start clapping. Alright. So, kinda, have you heard that it actually, this COVID thing affects black people more?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, that's why I chose that as my target. I'm an overachiever. I shoot for the stars, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, there's, you can do it with almost anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's already got a significant other. I think the main thing that like when, when guys fuck up in YouTube, it's cause their fucking cocks are so hard and they're so horny, like they'll fuck up with a girl, you know? So you gotta find a young guy, and you gotta find a guy that's single, cause that's gonna be, you're gonna find out he's been DMing some girl, or something. Yea, like Flay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then, but with an old guy like Aqua, like we've already realized that, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think about that, like think about if it was like a woman business, business woman, you know, CEO and then, and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, oh, you lost your job? How'd you lose it? Oh, you know, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's there. That's why I never understood OnlyFans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I've seen people make some, like, some people that are not classically good looking, making OnlyFans, and they're like, should I make an OnlyFans? And I'm like, bitch, have you seen yourself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And I'm like, bitch, like how are you supposed to compete?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can google women that are ten times hotter than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For free! Look it up right now! Like why the fuck did I give my money to you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I actually want to talk about this. I have this written down. I do bullet points. Not scat stuff, no. I was going to talk about your, uh, your thumbnails. Right? Cause I hear it. This is weird. This is supposed to be like a, I was watching, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that podcast? What were you watching? I was watching that, uh, no, the Misfits podcast. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An actual professional podcast. And they had that Wellen, that Wellen guy on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think the uhm, uh, wait, hold on, I got editor. Yo, Stalk, put up some of his gay thumbnails right here. Put up the gayest ones you can. There's a few good ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you can ask Stalt to do anything, by the way. He's my editor. He'll do whatever we say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I got, I got Stalt now. He's my dog. You know, I just tell him to bark and he just starts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything he does, I just use him. Yeah, I just use him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then when he fucks up, I make death threats. I'm a tyrannical boss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know like that outfit that Spongebob wears to work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I made an outfit like that and I make Stolt wear it while he edits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he goes, he told me, he's like, why do I have to wear this? I don't see anybody. I'm like, I just, you wear it because it makes me fucking happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it by, I had to. Cause it got to the point where I couldn't do podcasts and regular videos and any sort of decent, you know? So, and I was like, you know what, the podcast really doesn't take


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It, it's time consuming, but it's not like artistically...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, yeaah, he's, he's the one that kinda keeps me. He's the catcher in the rye, you know, he's on the periphery making sure I don't wander off into the sunset on some fucking weird ass subject.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, uh, the, like, the John McAfee one that I just did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. No, I, uh, he was like on Twitter, he was like, I'm bored, right? So I want to do podcasts. So hit me up if you have a big podcast. And I have an artificially big podcast, right? My podcast is not naturally organically growing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's propped up by the fact I have a YouTube channel. You know what I mean? Like it's not, it's very top down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause everybody that watches it just happens to be coming from my YouTube. And so, uh, on the surface, it looks like a nice podcast that probably was cultivated over a certain amount of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so on the surface they saw and they were like, oh, this is a pretty reasonably sized podcast. We'll put them on this. And I don't think they actually looked at it because like it is, I started asking questions about how he wipes his ass and shit and he's like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the beginning, yeaah, at the beginning I was, and then I realized he was, he was, cause he sounds like a Bond villain, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause his eyes kinda glaze over and he just starts going off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I don't like that stuff. It's sort of, it's sort of, like it depends what it is. I think the hardest video I've ever watched is that there's like this kid I've talked about before, but it's, it's a kid in high school and he's like, he's going to do the Harlem Shake thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what's funny is, I've only seen it through once. I sat down, I forced myself to watch it, because the only thing I can get to is, EVERYBODY DO THE HARLEM SHAKE, and then two seconds of quiet, and then I go BLOOP, and I click at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so uhm, I was like telling Abby, my, my wife about these, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is of a different realm, you know, like she uses a computer because she has to at work, but like besides that she like watches HDTV, she's like a normie, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She really doesn't. She's not like a techie person. And so anyways, I'm like, and our humor is on different wavelengths, right? And so like, I love your thumbnails, right? Like the one of Danny DeVito like crawling to the loot in Rust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just sat there and laughed at that thumbnail for like 10 minutes. But, so I'm like, dude, this guy, he takes gay porn scenes and then he like photoshops them so it's like, it's like a part of the game. Yeah, so it's innocent. And she was like, I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm like going through your YouTube thing, and I'm like showing her in the backyard. I'm like showing her. I'm like, look, like this. And she's like, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, she's certain, so she doesn't like, she doesn't see it. So then I have to describe to my wife, like, all this gay porn shit. I'm like, look, like, the gun! That's actually a cock in that guy's mouth!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all photoshopped in. He's really just cramming them in the ass. You don't see this? And now she's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do you see that and know it's gay porn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I hate about hetero porn? What's that? Just how fucking feminine it is, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm tunnel vision on it, 100%. That's all it is. Nah, you know, honestly?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife was asking me about my porn viewing habits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, no, the, uh, uh, honestly, like my main thing is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever like watch amateur, like I'm huge into amateur porn, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that, I think that's the thing is like as long as like the people are enjoying it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like that's, I'm happy about that. I think it's from a life, a life, a long life of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, one of the most wholesome things I've ever seen is it's an old set of pictures from like early internet days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's this fucking freak of nature that looks like Ricky Berwick. And his freak of nature girlfriend. And it's like a set of porn pictures and they're all like fucking weird and disabled and shit but they're having a blast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, like their little spider legs all mushed together. No, I can't even look at that stuff. And they have like a swing, you know, like a sex swing. And I was like, and the part that I was blown away by is like his balls and everything. How much of this did you see? I saw the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, uh, I always saw that, and like at first, like, your natural reaction is to recoil in disgust, you know? Yeah. Like when you see a roach skitter across the floor, but uhm. They're having fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I wasn't invited by H-June or you for that matter to be on your fucking team or nothing. How'd that thing go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's nothing worse than competitive anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, you know, I've been saying that for years. That game is like, it has the perfect toolset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You cut out all the fucking 80 hours of you getting screamed the n-word by some guy, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You know, I wonder if he's ever gonna shift to like, scripted...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the same way that Frankie on PC in 1080p, you know that guy? That's how he started out. And then he realized, oh it's a whole lot easier and faster if I just simply write it from the beginning and hire some idiot for $4 to stand in the forest and I kill him. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what's funny is when people argue that it's not scripted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that's it, that I would get up in the morning and I would play that game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or I went to school and when I got home I would, that was before, like me and Abby were dating, but that was before she like lived with me. You know? And like, that's what I fucking did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] to like a 15 minute thing of all the biggest action pieces. It only makes up half of what happened in one Frankie video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was watching something where like, in the intro, he gets on like an airplane, or he kills some guy that's like prepping an airplane at the airfield on overpoc, or on epoch, he's playing on the epoch mod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, he's, some guy's like prepping an airplane, he hears it, his base is getting overran by a tank and like he runs down there and like he kills the guy that's in the, gets in the airplane and flies away like fucking James Bond while the tank is rolling out onto the airfield and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think that's what ruined, uh, what's, uh, Scum, that game Scum was that you never see anybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well like my main complaint about DayZ was the whole, you had this giant map and you don't utilize it because everybody's down at the shore and then there's only like three or four pathways up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That people take to like the main cities and stuff. And then when Scum came out, that was a very ex- like how much money did they spend making Scum? And the team and everything. That was a very expensive lesson of why Daisy does that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because scum spawns you evenly distributed on the map and you don't see a f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and so I played DayZ and then I go, oh, that's why they did that. Okay, thanks Skum. Thanks for the millions of dollars or whatever it took to make that game. Thanks for that little lesson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you have to get, which the ammos never buy the fucking gun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a point where realism gets in the way of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that game is for each day. Like daisy mod, remember you'd go into a place and you'd find a Lee Enfield, and guess what was right next to it? Lee Enfield bullets!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy dogshit! Let me tell you something. Right next to me, I have an old 1891 Italian bolt action rifle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's some bullets right next to it. Do you think they're shotgun shells?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're fucking bullets that go into that gun. Because that's what normal people do. If you're going for realism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love it if you put the bullets that go into the gun next to the gun. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then, I don't know, they added the whole like diseases thing, that game was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever play like the overpock mods and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, uh, they kinda fixed the game. I'm not gonna lie. They, back in the, back in the day at least, like you would spawn in and you could pick region to spawn in and then you would do a halo drop where it was like you picked a region and then from there you could kinda parachute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, the second you spawned, you could make a fucking 10 speed bike out of the toolbox and it would consume it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it was kind of like that, do I want to fix up a car later? Or do I want to go really fast now on the 10 speed bike? And like you would spawn anywhere and then you could just bike to, and it would, it was like three, four times faster than walking. And that was great. And then like the stand up one came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have railed against this game since the second it fucking came out, and like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like a year later or two years later, I made another video shitting on it. And by that time people were like, this guy's kind of right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's two avenues here. There's, uh, when that game came out, there's what people wanted out of DayZ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what they expected, and then there's what the developers wanted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they chose to go down the what the developers wanted path. Where like everybody's like, hey there's game breaking stuff, this game's all fucked up. And the developer's like, hey instead of fixing that let's add in a cooking stove that uses gas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody's cultivating a garden. I'm not gonna whip out a punnett square to figure out seed germination and shit. Like, I'm not doing that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been looking for a game where you could handcuff someone and shove something phallic down their mouth and that game is the only thing that scratches that itch. And you can shave people, like there's nothing more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least on the one that, on the standard, it might be a mod thing, cause they added mods to the standalone, which kind of fixed it. But they were, like, there's nothing more feminizing than like holding someone down and shaving their face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes them really uncomfortable. They're like, ohhhh, please don't do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no not skate 3, I started with like skate 2 maybe. Like, do you remember those games? Skate? Yeah, yeah, I remember them. Dude, I used to play the shit out of those and I was like, hey, uh, I really liked, uhm, these companies, Girl and Chocolate, they came out with, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I made a couple skate videos, and I was like, damn, these things are cool, I'm gonna make one of these in game. So I made a couple skate videos, and all my friends, like, um, uh, Steve, Brian, they all


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not Brian. The fuck am I talking about? Steven, like some other people that I don't talk to anymore. They would, uh, I would say like, hey, you're gonna have a line in this video. So like, we would like film lines for him and everything, just like real life, but just like fat loser kid version of that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that, that's how it started. Nobody wanted to see him except for just me and my friends, cause it was like our thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, that went to like, I forget what shit I started with, and then I ended up doing Skyrim and those kind of caught on a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that would, you know, I'm a slow learner, let's be honest. Why are you asking me fucking questions? You're like the interviewer here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I'm gonna- you answer the same fucking question after I'm finished answering. How about that? Yeah, I will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a slow learner, right? So it took me several hundred videos for me to realize what people want to watch. And there was a long time where I was trying to be serious, you know? And be like, informative guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and I was making like a lot of Skyrim videos, and even those weren't like, the only thing that set them apart from every other Skyrim, like, let's play thing, that was back when you could do let's plays. The only thing that set them apart was the fact that they were just gross, and like, comedy based, but they weren't really funny, let's be honest. Okay. And uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I did that for a while and then I started doing exclusive, like I, I had a job, you know, but. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it got to the point where I was like, Skyrim was dying, so I was like, alright, I gotta fuckin' figure shit out. And I swore to myself, I'll never be stuck to one game ever again. That's why when Tarkov started getting like a million views of video, I cut those fuckers off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I was like nah chief, I might as well karate chop this baby in the crib, I ain't gonna let it grow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I don't know, he's on Twitch and stuff and like, he gets more viewers than I've ever gotten. You know? You'll get like 1700 viewers on average on Twitch. But at the same time, I feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, no, no, no, dude. I, like, cutting myself off of that game was the hardest thing in the world, cause like, I loved that, I love that game. It's a great game. I love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, I, I would play it everyday if I could, but then I was like, dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't wanna be stuck on just that game. I don't want, and so I was like, look, I'm gonna quit it now, you know? And then when it wipes, I'll get back on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? And I'm gonna, I'm gonna tear it up when it wipes again. But like I just had to stop. I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, I love it. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. I think it's a great game. Yeah. And I think that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's a testament to how good it is and how unique it is that people like us are willing to make videos on it and admit that it's a great game to make videos on even with no VoIP. Because if they added VoIP to that game, that would be a game changer, man. That would be the game to play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my God, it would be an all-you-can-content buffet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, you know, I went whenever I would go and like edit my footage for Tarkov, I would realize that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About 60% of everything funny that happened was just us talking during a loading screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually went through and like looked at a Tarkov video of mine. It had like good numbers and everything and it was well received and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this thing where like I'll record for a week and I'll take like all these things that kind of have something in common and like create a narrative out of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 10 minutes of funny shit that happened. It just has nothing to do with this meat and tater section. And so I'll just put it at like the end. I'm like, all right, this is just bonus shit. And I just put it in and, uh, and when I put that in, like all that section was just shit talking during the loading screen. I'm like, this is not very funny. It's kind of like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a podcast type thing where you have to just listen to it. But uh, you know, I don't know. It's a fun game. I definitely like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I understand that completely now. It matches up after seeing your just immense amount of, uh, patience when it comes to dealing with kids on Rust. Like you just walk up to them and they're just screaming at you and you're always just cool comic collective. You're like, oh yeaah. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had a friend that was a welding teacher and he said the moment class started at the beginning of the semester, he could look through and tell who was gonna make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I, I'm not like, really that into politics and stuff, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I realized, I think it was like Hamilton or someone like that, that uh, that is famous for saying, people are too stupid to know who to vote for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's not just with politics, but it's just like, I've realized now that I'm older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not to be like an asshole on my high horse or anything, but the average person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is about dumb as dog shit. Yeah, just like that. And I was telling my friend last night, I was like, I've never been in a car accident because when I get in a car and I'm driving,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just assume that everybody around me has fucking Down syndrome. I just assume. Like, cause they're just, I just assume they're on the phone with a burrito in their mouth, they're just dumb. Yeah, you gotta drive for other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, okay, so I got a question. You know Surge in real life, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that guy, uh, who I used to think was cool, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I met him when I was in Seattle and I was like, hey, you know, he's really good at that 3D graphics thing. He's insane with that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know what else pisses me off? Is like, you know, YouTubers are supposed to be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a fucking handsome guy, he dresses nice and everything. He's like, I saw him like, swag walking down the sidewalk. I was like, look at this fucking piece of shit, he ain't no YouTuber, he ain't fucking sitting inside all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm all like fat and greasy and shit, and uh, yeah, and he's all like, you know, he's got uh, what's the word for it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what the, he's the classic example of if you take, if you take a girl at a club, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like YouTube first and then, and then Bar, did you just, were you just striking up convo at a bar? Hey, do you happen to do autistic rust videos? Cause I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need to, I need to talk to Mimeo again. I haven't talked to him since like, back when Bumbo was around. Like I think he was the link between me and Mimeo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, we don't talk about that fucking scumbag here. Dude, I have so much like, pent up hatred for that man. Because he just, he had it all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he just stopped, and I was like, oh, maybe he's doing something. I was like, maybe he's doing something, you know? And like, I talked to his girlfriend, I was like, hey, what's Max doing? She's like, oh, he just spends most of his day staring at the wall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, what are you having on a fucking, like, morphine drip? Like, what's this guy doing? And, and, no, she was the one that made him start doing it again. She was like, look, you gotta do something. Yeah. So like before then, it was like before they started dating, he just dropped off the face of the planet. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think it was like the lack of drive to make stuff that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause his channel still has like 80,000 subs or something like which people, you know, and by the way, that doesn't sound like a lot now cause you know, uh, me and you, we're up here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but like at the time when he quit, like 80,000 was still like at the time, it was a huge, it was a huge amount. I remember when I started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like back then it was like if you had a million subs, people knew who you were. Right. And now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? And if you watch Rainbow Six Siege, you'll be like, oh, Meaty Marley, I know him. But if you don't, you will have never heard of him. Ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and I think he's a funny guy, and I think he's a good guy. He's super nice. But at the same time, I'm like, how the fuck does this guy make a video and it gets like, as many views as like a PewDiePie video? We get like 2 million views just as soon as he drops it. But I almost want him to make a video on something else, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, you ever watch, uh, or, you know, I've done a couple tours in the military. And uhm, yeaah, right. You know, and uh, when I was in Desert Storm at the, at the base.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They would always have these signs that say, complacency kills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because when you're, you know, if you're in active duty, it does, you know. The second you're comfortable around anything that can kill you, it will kill you, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially with like woodworking, by the way, if we could do a side thing here. Like if, if you're making cabinets or something like that and you're doing like the same cut 400 times at a table saw, that's when you're gonna cut off your fucking fingers. Because you're just like, you start, you become complacent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, on YouTube, subscribers don't matter. It's all about like what your view per video is. And like you get as many views as you have subs a lot of the time, you know, or at least like 80% of the way there. That is like the premium of healthy channel. That is a ridiculously healthy channel. And I just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am terrified of being that channel that has a million subs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I used to be that guy like fucking eight months ago. Like I, I've been there and I was like, and because if you don't treat it like it's a grind every day of like, what's that next thing to make funny, you know, then, um, and you got to constantly evolve. Like if you look at my videos, like even a year and a half ago, they were different than they are now because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta sit there and, nah, I don't like, I'm not really into the business side of this thing. I don't sit there and go through analytics. There's people like that Wilbur Sook guy. I don't know if you know him, Wilbur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy is the exact opposite of where he doesn't really care about like the video being made so much as he cares about the numbers. Yeah, like he goes pouring through the analytics and goes okay, this video got me this many subs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's in a totally different realm, he's in like a, uh, what is that called, like a very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happy and good vibes kind of territory on YouTube. Cause he's with that Carson guy, like him and Carson hang out or like talk a lot, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember when Carson like, I forget what it was, it was like his bitch cheated on him or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and uh, uh, you know, everybody says that was a horrible thing, but I think this Katie girl is doing the world a great service by fucking three YouTubers. That is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Very cunning manipulator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's a lot of growth from you, to be honest, because, god, I remember a day where you wouldn't say a positive thing about a woman, and here you are, here you are championing this woman that was able to manipulate two or three people, five people, or something like that, I don't know. Yea, we've gone full circle. Yea, god. What a genius. We learned some lessons along the way, but here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, uh, you know, I don't know. I've always thought about that. I have like a iconic clip. Maybe it's not iconic to anybody else, but I think it's funny. It was this guy that was like asking me about monogamy on Twitch back when I did Twitch stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it takes a lot of work, I feel like. It does. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people sit there, I don't know what's worse. People sit there and talk about how like people that cheat are manipulators and they think low of women by like just using them for sex and everything. But what's worse?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm starting to have some introspection here. What's worse, someone that does that and manipulates these women for sex and uh, and uses them, or a man that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I, I don't know, I don't want to call myself a misogynist or anything, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I don't, I don't think that I am, because I think there's plenty of great women out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like I've railed against us a million times, but like I'm sick and tired of like I hang out with my family all day, hang out with my wife, having a great time, and then I get on Discord and like I'm talking with my bros, my boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, of the room. You know, it's like when, if you're, if you're part of a bowling team and one guy brings his fucking wife and you're just like, you know, fuck, son of a, you know, I said this and I thought this and I had like a pre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, like I had this idea of Sir Winter's girlfriend when, uh, he brought her to Seattle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll be eaten by sharks by the time anybody comes to save us. But uh, you know, I was sitting there like, I was thinking about that, like the second I saw him, I was like, oh, he brought his fucking girl, god damn it. I was like so pissed off. And then I talked to her, and she's cooler than he is. She's actually, she's cool as fuck, and she's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's a bro, yea. There's a couple, every once in a while you'll see one. I think what it is, is, it's hard to find.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once in a blue moon. I think what it is, is it's young people. Like the guys in my discord are usually young. Like a decade younger than me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think it just, I don't know, I just see right through it, like they start acting different and everything, I'm like, calm the fuck on. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's like this girl that's been in the discord from the beginning, her name's uh, Kinchy. And I feel like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess. I don't know. But I feel like she might be like asexual or something. You know? Like it has no interest in-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they, they, they change around her, but I've realized like they change around her, but she's just fucking laying in the cut regardless. You don't give a fuck. She's just a, she's a bro. I don't talk to her cause you know, I don't think we have anything in common, but I acknowledge the fact that she stays the same throughout, you know, she's just kinchy the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But every once in a while, do you have a significant other? Are you married or anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea? Oh, so you're still in the honeymoon phase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, people ask me all the time about like, relationship advice and stuff. And... Of course. But usually it's their inability to talk to women, so they're, they're most, 99% of you guys aren't gonna get to this point. But if you do get to this point, this is, this is something that I think my brother failed to realize.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're infatuated with them. You think it's the best thing in the world, right? Yeah. And I think you're like into the, the heart of that right now with the nine months, right? Like she could come up and take a shit in the middle of your dinner plate, right? When it arrives and you'd be like, wow, that was fancy. You see the way she shit on my food. That was incredible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, uh, that'll keep going until like two years, right? Two years. And then after two years that starts to wear off. And then you start to realize that she does things that fucking drive you insane. Like she'll, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She'll, she'll, no, she'll, you know, like your hand towel that you have in the bathroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When she's doing her makeup in the morning instead of just taking like those things that are made for it, the wet wipes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I had to wash that, and now I have like, mascara all over the fuckin' towel. It's probably gonna stain it. Or Abby's favorite thing was like, my wife's kind of like, well endowed, breastically.


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[Assistant] Like, that, I had like, our big, we never fight almost, but our big relationship fight was that. I was like, look, you're gonna, I'm staking my ground right here.


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[Assistant] Ever. I'm done with that. That was my, I probably shouldn't have picked that as my fight, but I picked that. That was my thing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and like once you look at them and you go, okay, I hate these things, but it's outweighed.


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[Assistant] By my love for them. Yeah, I can put up with that. That's when you decide to go marry. Don't marry within the first two years, you fucking psychopaths. I got all these people like, I'm engaged right now and we've been dating for three months. What?


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[Assistant] That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Give it a couple years. You don't have to do it as long as me. I was dating for like nine years before I popped the question, but... What?


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[Assistant] No, no, no. You started dating in 7th grade, so I don't want to be like married in high school, you know? And, you also have to keep in mind that...


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[Assistant] Men aren't done developing until they're like 24, right? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Through the times that we've been dating, we have both had like major personality shifts because we got to see each other.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we've been seeing each other turn into adults. And, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. I would not consider my wife a happy woman.


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[Assistant] You're falling for it, bro. You're falling for it.


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[Assistant] Oh, I get that. You know what mine was? Is I didn't really want to have a kid.


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[Assistant] No, not that. I was afraid of looking back and going, man, I wish I would have had a kid. You know what I mean?


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Like after work, you have to have, uh, something else.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the quick punch, left hook, and then leave.


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[Assistant] The babysuck toddlers are awesome cause they're like exploring the world and everything. Like once they can start walking.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they have a personality, but before that they're just drainers of emotional strength.


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[Assistant] I do want to have another cake cause I, I want to like, I don't want to be 60 and look back and go, Oh, I should have had more, you know?


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[Assistant] Uh, that is outweighing my, my, it's one of those things where it's like I'll tough it out now so that my life is richer in the future. You know?


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[Assistant] Yeah. Cause, lemme tell you something. The, you know, there's like all these YouTubers out there, you ever seen them where they're like, oh, I got burnt out. Have you ever been burnt out before?


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[Assistant] Yeah, you know why? Cause you got a life outside of YouTube.


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[Assistant] And, you know, I, when I'm done doing YouTube for the day, I turn around and I have my kid to play with.


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[Assistant] And all they do is Twitter all day and then record video, upload video, and then Twitch stream for five hours and then wake up and do it the next day. And it's like, dude, you can't be...


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[Assistant] You know, which I don't see why you do that when there's Red Dead. You know, Red Dead has fishing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I've caught a fish. But hey, you wanna hear some real, this is gonna make you wince.


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[Assistant] And, uh, where are you in Australia?


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[Assistant] Yeah, the, uh, wait, and that's... No, that's not. I was gonna say, that's near the Great Barrier Reef, right? And that's as close as you can get to it? Yeah. Okay. Yep. Have you seen that thing fucking dying?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, it's only like 30% of what it was in 1980 or something. Yeaah. And you see those pictures and it's just white. Yeaah, it's just dead and what. Yeaah, it's kind of depressing.


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[Assistant] And then, you know it's only gonna escalate because all they're gonna do is like, people are gonna be like, oh my god, I have like one opportunity to see the Great Barrier Reef, let's go!


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[Assistant] Finding Nemo is like the most true thing in the world cause they have like, that movie they start out and they're in the reef.


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[Assistant] And, and there's all this life and everything. And then his son, uh, I forget what happens when he gets abducted by like a predator or some child predator. And then, uh, he's gone and he, uh, and the dad's like, Oh, I'm going to go look for my son. So he swims out off of the reef and then there's just fucking nothing out there.


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[Assistant] I didn't realize that's what the ocean is. I thought like fish were evenly distributed across the ocean. But if you go out into the middle of the water and just put a fishing line there's nothing there.


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[Assistant] You were talking about like, horror stuff? Or like, things that make you uncomfortable? There's a video of this guy sailing from the uhm, what's that place called?


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[Assistant] It's some, uh, it's like some marina on the, on the west coast of California, and he sails to Hawaii.


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[Assistant] And I like cut to half way through the video and he's just by himself on like a 20 foot catamaran and I cut to half way through the video and it is clear skies.


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[Assistant] No clouds, no wind, so sails are wrapped up, and there's like 10 foot waves, and his boat is just getting thrown around, and there is no land in sight, and the guy has his camera on, he's like, yeah, it's getting pretty fucking scary out here! So, I'm out in the middle of fucking nowhere!


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[Assistant] Boat's about to capsize! And I'm like, dude, like, I didn't rea- I thought like once you got out,


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[Assistant] Although I have seen those, uh, have you seen those ships where they have the gyro underneath in the hull? And so...


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[Assistant] Okay, this is winding down. Do you wanna, you wanna go to the last section? Yeah, let's get to the last section. We've been talking for fucking like an hour and a half. Yeah, yeah. Stalt's gonna have a fun time editing this one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, no, not that. Okay, uh, Sam's therapy time. I was supposed to make an intro for that fucking therapy section at some point. Anyways. Alright, so this one's a question from a guy that had a horrible medical issue.


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[Assistant] And grafted, I guess, but, uh, uh, with a few drawbacks. I have a really small bladder and an extremely short dick.


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[Assistant] And he was like, I'm going to use my billions to get a penis enlargement surgery. He went to like the most, uhm, like the most expensive penis surgery guide in the world. He had billions to spend and he fucking died on the table.


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[Assistant] Yeah, would you rather be alive? Or, you know, I mean, yeah, exactly.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I would just, I would just, yeah, I would say, how old are you right now?


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[Assistant] Oh, hey, we're pretty close, you know.


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[Assistant] Honestly, around 25 for me, I was just like, that waned in importance a great deal. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, oh, like, you know, in like porn when they do, when they're, uh, have you ever seen this where they're like having sex and then they like, the guy ends up sitting like a frog and fucking, you know what I'm talking about?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I realized I'm like, this only fucking, probably, it doesn't even look good for the camera, like I just thought it was something people did. I did it, I was like, what am I doing here? This is the dumbest thing I've ever done.


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[Assistant] Yeah. So anyways, uh, I think me and Stimpy have concluded, just, uh, cut the cog off at the stump and go on and be a chemist or something like that.


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[Assistant] Take every disadvantage you have and make it a crippling disadvantage and then endure on. That's the, the spirit of human tenacity is just being able to take something and, uh, and drive through it. Like, uh, what's that guy? Uh, David something Goggins. Have you ever seen that guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That guy's insane. I struggle sometimes, uh, just to, you know, take a shit and my legs fall asleep while I'm on the toilet and I'm like, this is struggle. That guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get pissed when I have to drive four miles to the daycare, like, away from my house. Like, I can't imagine running that distance, let alone, you know, fucking, 50 times that.


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[Assistant] Am I? Am I? Really? No. No, not in a million years. You know there's an interesting person? That uh, do you know that Swagger Souls guy?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna get an invite to that fucking podcast is, I'm gonna tear that fucking mask off his fat fucking head.


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[Assistant] This week's episode is brought to you by Harry's Razors.


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[Assistant] So you go to the drug store to pick up some razors. First, you have to find the guy who can open the case. Then you have to wait around while he finds the keys to the case. And then when the case finally gets open, your reward is paying 25 bucks for four blades and some shaving cream.


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[Assistant] You leave muttering obscenities about the waste of time and money.


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[Assistant] Such was the last straw for Andy, one of the co-founders of Harry's Razors, who was convinced that there had to be a better way, and there was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Focused on providing guys a great shaving experience for a fraction of the price of the competition, Harry's Razors offers high quality blades engineered in their very own German factory.


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[Assistant] Order online, it gets shipped to your home. It's simple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got my own kit working for me as we speak, the blades are sharp, the razor design is clean, which I like, and the cream is exactly what I need it to be. No cuts, no irritation, it's great.


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[Assistant] And plus, I don't have to wait around for the guy with the keys just to pay way too much for it all.


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[Assistant] As we've seen over the last two episodes, the spring of 1793 brought no good news for the revolutionaries running the young French Republic in Paris. Its armies were getting beat out on the frontiers, its provinces were starting to rise up in armed revolt. And as if that was not enough, there was also major trouble right in their own backyard.


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[Assistant] Paris was not spared the economic troubles that had helped send Marseille and Lyon into insurrection. And so, while the National Convention attempted to grapple with some pretty major national emergencies, they had to do so with angry sans-culottes standing over their shoulders.


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[Assistant] And those sans Q lot were now moving beyond serving as mere shock troops for the more respectable revolutionaries like Danton and Robespierre.


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[Assistant] They were starting to develop an independent political program that put them at odds not just with moderate Girondins, but also with the more radical delegates of the mountain who had been their allies and their leaders all through the upheavals of 1792.


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[Assistant] The trouble in Paris began shortly after the King was executed. As we discussed last week, most of the major urban centers of France were dealing with major economic disruptions, and Paris was no exception.


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[Assistant] Basic commodities like bread, coffee and sugar were disappearing from the market. Prices started going through the roof. And so public protests started up in earnest in February 1793.


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[Assistant] But it wasn't just the simple mechanism of supply and demand that was affecting prices. There was also a matter of the collapsing value of the au seigneur, the revolution's paper currency.


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[Assistant] As you might recall, the Asenya had begun circulating at the end of 1789, backed by the extensive property of the Catholic Church, property that was in the process of being nationalized. The vast extent of these lands, the expectation that they would fetch a good price at auction, and the promise of further fiscal reforms,


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[Assistant] But as the months and then years passed, the value of the auceigneur steadily eroded.


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[Assistant] The problem with the currency was that the church lands were becoming a less viable source of revenue.


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[Assistant] There was so much of it out there on the market that real estate values naturally declined. And then, as the expected fiscal reform started to materialize, the tax revenues they generated fell well short of expectations.


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[Assistant] So by the time the Legislative Assembly took over in October 1791, the Austin Yaw was trading at 80% face value. And then over the winter it plunged down to 60% face value.


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[Assistant] This destabilization of the revolution's money was troubling enough that Brousseau and the Girondins made the case for war against Austria in part about strengthening the Auce-en-Yard.


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[Assistant] A quick and decisive victory would elevate France's international credibility, all but forcing the other European powers to accept the Auceigneur as a valid form of payment which would help stabilize its value.


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[Assistant] The currency did stabilize a bit as a result of the war, and then really got a shot in the arm when the French armies went on the offensive and started acquiring new territory in the fall of 1792, and it had risen back to about 70% of face value by the end of the year.


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[Assistant] But unfortunately, these gains were undercut because the national convention was indulging in a pretty counterproductive solution to the problem.


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[Assistant] If it now took three Asenya to pay for something that used to cost two Asenya, then the answer was simple. You just print more Asenya.


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[Assistant] But as we all know, and the delegates of the national convention clearly did not, money itself follows a supply and demand curve, and continuously printing more and more Asenya triggered utterly predictable inflation.


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[Assistant] By February 1793 an Austin Yaw was being accepted at about 50% face value in your average Parisian bakery or grocery shop. Wages, on the other hand, were still being paid out at the nominal face value.


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[Assistant] This deadly combination of rising prices and falling wages was not going over well in the poor sections of Paris at all.


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[Assistant] With the cost of basic necessity suddenly spiraling out of reach, the Paris section sent a deputation to the national convention on February the 12th, demanding maximum prices be legally decreed.


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[Assistant] But even with the bitterly divisive fight over the king having just barely wrapped up, the convention delegates were unified in their opposition to the proposed maximums.


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[Assistant] Both the Mountain and the Girondins basically supported the continuation of market prices for commodities because they had more than just the final consumer to worry about. The entire supply chain was feeling the effects of reduced supply and increased inflation, and that was why the final price to the consumer was so high in the first place.


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[Assistant] To guarantee maximum prices in Paris, the convention would have to basically subsidize every supplier, wholesaler, and transporter as the goods travel to market.


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[Assistant] Now some subsidizing of grain was already in effect, but it was costing the national convention a lot of money, and expanding the program would be a fiscal disaster.


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[Assistant] But the lower classes in Paris didn't care about that. They were cold, they were starving, and they wanted to be able to afford food again.


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[Assistant] So, rebuked by the convention, the poor Parisians took matters into their own hands. On February the 25th, a mob of fed up wives and mothers stormed grocery stores across the city, selling off the inventory to each other at what they considered to be fair prices.


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[Assistant] Then they dutifully handed the proceeds of these forced sales over to the beleaguered shopkeepers, who were of course now ruined because they had paid double what they had just been handed to get the stuff there in the first place.


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[Assistant] The National Guard fanned out in force and successfully quieted the streets, but the poor sections were just getting warmed up, and they were now egged on by a much harder core group of leaders. The original cohort of radicals in the Courtauld-Yee district, specifically the groups surrounding Danton, had now graduated off to running the National Convention.


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[Assistant] And while they were busy running the nation, the leadership of the Corlie Club passed in the hands of even more radical agitators.


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[Assistant] Among the most prominent of these new agitators was Jacques Roux, a Catholic priest who had settled in one of the poorest Paris sections after the revolution got going and quickly became a tireless advocate for the poor.


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[Assistant] As a political force, he really started to come into his own back in the spring of 1792 when he was always out on the front lines demonstrating against the king.


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[Assistant] Always ready with the most extreme answer to any problem. Roux's reaction to the rising prices in Paris was to demand the death penalty for anyone caught hoarding goods.


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[Assistant] Then there was Theophil Leclerc, who had served in the army and fought at the Battle of Gimap and was now back in Paris promoting a brand of hardline radical populism that called for mass purgings of the government and the army of anyone suspected of not being 100% committed to the revolution.


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[Assistant] He was joined in this endeavor by Claire Lacombe, a former actress who had herself fought on the front lines on August the 10th and taken a bullet through the arm for her troubles.


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[Assistant] Along with Pauline Lyon, Lacombe would form the Society of Revolutionary Republican Women in March 1793, possibly because they had gotten it into their pretty little heads that all this talk of liberty and equality actually applied to women too.


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[Assistant] Collectively, this new breed of agitators were dubbed the en ranger, variously translated as the madmen, the enraged ones, the angry ones, obviously a derogatory name given to them by more respectable revolutionaries.


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[Assistant] Though they were as haphazardly organized as any of the alleged parties during the revolutionary era, and were often at odds with each other.


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[Assistant] The Enragé did share a brand of aggressive equalitarianism that usually gets them described as either proto-socialists or proto-anarchists. They did not believe private property was a core component of political liberty.


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[Assistant] They believed it was an instrument of political oppression, and they wanted to see it abolished.


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[Assistant] As for the enlightened rights of man, well, missing from its tenants was the simple right to exist.


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[Assistant] They believe that government should be empowered to take from those who had and give to those who had not to guarantee that right of existence.


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[Assistant] And they also tended to share a belief that the revolution could only succeed if all the traitors and foot draggers and secret royalists were exposed and purged.


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[Assistant] It remained to be seen whether the Jacobins would be able to demonstrate enough revolutionary purity to save themselves from the coming storm engineered by the Enranger.


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[Assistant] For the moment, though, the rage of the Enranger was focused almost exclusively on the faction that had demonstrated nothing but revolutionary impurity of late, the Girondins.


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[Assistant] And it's not like the Girondins weren't asking for it. Ever since the National Convention had gathered, the Girondin delegates had set themselves up as enemies of Paris.


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[Assistant] They claimed the Parisians posed a threat to the convention. They had called on the provincials to come protect them from the Parisians. They had attempted to move the convention out of Paris altogether.


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[Assistant] And as if that wasn't bad enough, these guys had just tried to use every trick in the book to get that damn traitor, Louis Capet, off the hook.


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[Assistant] When news started hitting Paris in February and then March 1793 about nationwide resistance to the draft and a full on uprising in the Vaudet, it all seemed to add up to the provincials finally taking up the Girondin call to revolt against Paris.


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[Assistant] Clearly, if the revolution was going to succeed, the Girondins were going to have to go.


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[Assistant] So on the night of March the 9th, the same night that the convention had created the Revolutionary Tribunal and the representatives on mission,


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[Assistant] Mobs of Saint-Culottes marched around breaking Girondin newspaper presses. And then on the morning of March the 10th, a few thousand gathered outside the convention to demand that 22 specifically named Girondin deputies be expelled from the convention, including Jacques-Pierre Briseau and former mayor of Paris, Jérôme Pétion.


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[Assistant] But the time was not yet ripe for purging, and when 9,000 National Guard arrived on the scene, the mob melted away.


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[Assistant] Inside the convention, the shaken Girondins went on the offensive to defend themselves.


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[Assistant] They quickly returned to the theme that they had opened the convention with, that Robespierre and the Mountain were conspiring to have us killed by a mob. This latest attempt on our lives is just that, the latest attempt.


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[Assistant] But this characterization of events was swiftly rebutted by Robespierre himself, who took to the floor to openly denounce the demonstrators for illegally attempting to interfere in the sovereignty of the convention.


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[Assistant] And Robespierre was not being disingenuous. He had had nothing to do with the mob showing up, and was uncomfortable with the idea of these armed crowds dictating terms to the convention.


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[Assistant] It was one thing for noble patriots to rise up and overthrow a treasonous king. It was quite another to threaten the duly elected representatives of the nation.


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[Assistant] Robespierre was not yet ready to let his principles give way to the political threat posed by the enragé.


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[Assistant] Not only did this disconnect him from the Paris streets, but it's also clear that after the run of events from the insurrection of August the 10th through the September massacres, that Danton was deliberately stepping back from the radical fringe.


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[Assistant] He was now positioning himself as an intermediary between all the rival revolutionary factions. What he wanted now was revolutionary unity and mutual understanding.


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[Assistant] Now that didn't mean he was going soft, and when he voted for the establishment of the Revolutionary Tribunal, he famously said that it was important for the government to be terrible, so that the people wouldn't have to be.


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[Assistant] But he was talking about dealing with royalist rebels and defiant priests, not committed revolutionaries who just happen to disagree with you on some particular issue.


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[Assistant] But while up in Belgium, Danton's desire for unity was possibly blinding him to the signals emanating from General du Maurier that he was about to turn traitor.


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[Assistant] Danton had been trying to coax the unhappy general back into the fold, while simultaneously sending letters back to his convention colleagues explaining why Demorié was still cool.


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[Assistant] When Demorié did defect, it then looked like Danton had been covering for a traitor the whole time.


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[Assistant] In an attempt to capitalize on this, and probably deflect attention from their very own close ties to Demorié, the Girondins tried to impeach Danton for high treason and send him off to be judged by the Revolutionary Tribunal.


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[Assistant] The court charge was failing to arrest Du Maurier even after it was clear that Du Maurier needed to be arrested. But they also threw in some stuff about Danton personally enriching himself while in Belgium and possibly trying to make himself a French version of Oliver Cromwell.


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[Assistant] These charges were met by an incredulous and thundering defense from Donton on April the 1st that quite easily carried the day.


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[Assistant] Not only did the convention not vote to impeach him, they appointed Donton to the newly created Committee of Public Safety.


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[Assistant] A committee that included no Girondin delegates because that's the way the winds are now blowing.


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[Assistant] In defiance of these wins, the Girondins then decided to go after some lower hanging fruit, and they turned their guns on a man who was disliked by just about everyone in the convention, including Robespierre and Danton, Jean-Paul Marat.


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[Assistant] Now serving as president of the Jacobin Club on top of everything else, Marat had signed a circular letter inviting the departments to recall or dismiss any deputy he would voted for the appeal to the people at the very end of the King's trial.


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[Assistant] The Girondins seized on it as a pretext to impeach Marat and send him to the Revolutionary Tribunal.


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[Assistant] Now the vote to impeach Marat succeeded, where the vote to impeach Danton failed, because first, as I just said, Marat was not very popular within the convention, whatever his standing was out on the street,


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[Assistant] And second, those who might have supported him, that is the hardcore of the mountain, well they had all been volunteering to serve as representatives on mission, and were now away from the convention.


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[Assistant] But the impeachment of Marat turned out to be a huge mistake for the Girondins. After a very public trial that saw daily massings of Enragé Saint-Culottes parading in support of their hero and calling for the expulsion of the Girondins, Marat was completely acquitted on April the 24th.


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[Assistant] The song Cue Lot literally carried him away on their shoulders in triumph.


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[Assistant] This little referendum on who truly represented the revolution could not have been more decisive.


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[Assistant] It did not take long for the delegates of the mountain to determine that they were either going to have to align themselves with the Sankyu Lot or risk getting tossed out with the Girondins.


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[Assistant] So on May the 4th, they successfully steered through the convention the Maximum on Grains, also known as the First Maximum, because there will be others.


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[Assistant] The Girondins, unwilling to yield, vigorously oppose the measure, which was no doubt much appreciated by the mountain. You see, angry Parisian street mobs? Those are the guys you want. We're on your side.


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[Assistant] Aware that some kind of reckoning was on the way, the Girondins hunkered down to make a fight of it. On May the 10th, they managed to convince the Convention to establish what would quickly be dubbed the Commission of Twelve, a committee who would investigate threats to the Convention posed by the radical sections of Paris.


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[Assistant] The membership of the commission was packed with Girondins. They believed that there was a conspiracy afoot inside the radical sections not just to purge the Girondins, but to dissolve the convention itself.


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[Assistant] The aim to root out this conspiracy and destroy it.


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[Assistant] On May the 24th, the Commission of Twelve made its first move, ordering the arrest of Jean-Francois Varley and a radical journalist named Jacques-René Hibert, who was not generally lumped in with the Enragé, but who had spilled a lot of ink lately denouncing the Girondins in terms that would make Marat himself blush.


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[Assistant] The arrest of these two provoked immediate protests from the Paris sections.


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[Assistant] Who were then further provoked when a Girondin orator took to the floor of the convention the next day and said that if the sections weren't careful that the rest of France would rise up and literally annihilate Paris and that later men would search the banks of the Seine in vain for signs of the city.


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[Assistant] Believing now that the Girondins were beyond saving, Robespierre took to the floor of the Jacobin Club on May 26th and endorsed the call for Paris to rise up against the corrupt and irredeemable Girondin deputies.


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[Assistant] The next day, a session of the convention was invaded by angry Parisians, and the few delegates who did not flee voted to abolish the commission of 12, and then release Varley and Hebert.


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[Assistant] The day after that, though, order was restored, and the besieged Girondins were able to engineer the reinstatement of the Commission of Twelve, though the release of Varley and Heber was ratified.


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[Assistant] Once released, a Varley set to work organizing a new insurrectionary commune that wound up representing 33 of the city's 48 sections.


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[Assistant] Meeting at the former palace of an archbishop, this new insurrectionary commune set itself up in opposition not just to the national convention, but also to the old insurrectionary commune, the one that had stormed to power on August the 10th.


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[Assistant] But which was now seen by the enragé as insufficiently patriotic because things move very fast in the French Revolution.


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[Assistant] On the morning of Friday, May the 31st, the new insurrectionary commune launched an armed uprising.


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[Assistant] The insurrectionaries marched first on the General Council of the Paris Commune, barged into the Hotel de Ville, and declared the Commune deposed, and then began issuing its demands.


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[Assistant] The exclusion of all named gerondins from the national convention.


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[Assistant] The abolishing of the Commission of Twelve. The immediate arrest of all counter-revolutionary suspects. A systematic purge of all government agencies. The establishment of a revolutionary army composed of Song Kyu Lot who would enforce revolutionary decrees like the maximum on grains.


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[Assistant] Only after the Commune agreed to go along with all the insurrectionary's demands were they allowed to continue their sitting.


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[Assistant] The government of Paris thus cowed, the mob then marched down to the convention and issued the same demands, couching it all as a response to a vast conspiracy that they had uncovered that threatened the nation.


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[Assistant] To their great credit, the Girondins did not duck out the back door. Instead, they defiantly stood their ground.


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[Assistant] Friday was a work day. So the angry mob that showed up at the convention's doorstep was intimidating, but not overwhelmingly so.


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[Assistant] As the day progressed and the convention debated what to do, the strength of the knob diminished as men and women drifted home.


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[Assistant] At the end of the day, the question of the alleged conspiracy and the proper response to it were referred to the Committee of Public Safety. The Girondins lived to fight another day.


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[Assistant] Obviously the result of the May 31st uprising was unsatisfactory to the Enragé leaders.


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[Assistant] And this time, somewhere in the neighborhood of 80,000 people turned out, and almost all of them were armed. At their head were the mobilized companies of the Parisian National Guard, under the command of Francois Henriot.


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[Assistant] Once they arrived at the convention, a group of petitioners pushed their way in to demand action against the alleged conspiracy that they had uncovered.


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[Assistant] A brief war of oratory was then waged between the Mountain and the Girondins, then I actually saw the Girondins get the better of it.


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[Assistant] And once again, the petition was referred to the Committee of Public Safety.


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[Assistant] The convention delegates quickly discovered though, that they were not going to get out of it that easy.


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[Assistant] When one of their members tried to leave the hall, he came back in a few minutes later and said, guys, they're not going to let us leave.


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[Assistant] This sent waves of indignation through the convention as even Danton demanded that the freedom of the house not be so nakedly abused.


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[Assistant] When the president of the convention sent a message to Onryo to stand down, Onryo said some very naughty words and then ordered cannons aimed at the doors.


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[Assistant] This prompted about a hundred delegates then to leave the hall altogether as a group, hoping to force Enrio to let them pass. But the National Guard commander refused to stand aside.


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[Assistant] So instead, the delegates walked a circuit of the building, saw that it was surrounded by an armed mob of Parisians who had blocked all possible exits, and then they headed back inside, where it was time to start capitulating.


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[Assistant] Though most of the delegates abstained in protest, the convention voted to indict 29 Girondin deputies, plus a few non-deputy ministers, and then commit them all to house arrest.


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[Assistant] The Rolans, husband and wife, probably would have made the list too, but Madame Roland had already been arrested by the Parisian authorities on the night of May the 31st, and her husband had gone into hiding.


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[Assistant] The response to all this out in the departments was immediate rebellious outrage.


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[Assistant] Leon and Marseille were of course already in a state of revolt, and they were now joined by other major provincial cities. First up, not surprisingly, was Bordeaux.


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[Assistant] Bordeaux was the major city of the Géronde. So you can imagine their indignation when they heard the news that lower class yahoos in Paris had just expelled their representatives from the national convention.


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[Assistant] Bordeaux had been getting hit just as hard as Marseille by maritime trade disruptions, but they had not yet gone into full-on revolt.


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[Assistant] When Paris arrested their guys, though, Bordeaux went into full-on revolt.


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[Assistant] On June the 7th, the city declared itself an insurrection against the national convention, which quite literally no longer represented them.