[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, you know how it is, Cincinnati. We get into trouble. You know what's up, but, uh, it's worldwide now. You can sell drugs over the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go ahead. Hello, this is Kermit the Frog here, reporting live from the pond. From the pond! That was pretty good, that was honestly-


[User] Please transcribe this text


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying there's a universal YouTube call sign when you start. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think the children are like super more aware of like, like just like being famous. I know like that's always been a thing, but like, I don't know, I kinda always grew up just wanting to like be in comedy and not so much caring about like the fame of it all, but it seems like that influencing and YouTube makes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it directly is like a trickle down from like, you can see how many people view stuff, you can see how many people like stuff, like it's very monetized in that way, like before you would just throw it into the dark, you could kinda guess how many people were on your jock, but now you know if you're famous or not. Right, you know how many people


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but Red Bull was punk rock back then. Red Bull was counterculture. I don't think that was on purpose, was it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I'm thinking like that would be sick if you kind of played movies like you do say like a video game where you choose your character, you could choose who you want to see in the movie, like you could pick the actors and plug them in, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's kind of exactly, that's a great plan of attack is like push it way, all the way forward so that like people aren't weirdly offended by shit that they shouldn't be offended by. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you guys could just talk like, local California politics the whole time, that would be-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She wants to be an actress, I believe, but she never made it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna get on a billboard with her. Maybe I could fight her on Triller. That would be pretty cool. Me vs. Angelina.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the movie that Seth Rogen made about- The Disaster Artist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the room, it's so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he ever make a follow up film or was he a one and done? Done. Damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isn't he also the guy who, like, owns, uh, like, Ernest? Like, he has Ernest's estate?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, Ernest is, uh, is he on the jury, uh, for a murder trial, or some kind of trial, where the guy who is on trial looks exactly like him. Oh yea, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's literally just him slick with his hair slicked back. It's the same actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looks like him. Looks like Ernest. I also think John Claude Van Damme looks exactly like Ernest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he was a real thesbian, I think he was a real actor, I think he might have been in like a Shakespeare, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He stars in bars. He's from- I didn't say he was Canadian. He's from Kentucky. I did. I was wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, hey, thank you. Oh, that's the sound. Thank you. And I will expect, uh, maybe an apology from Wonders. Yes, so he's a truth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would I apologize for that? Because you were just claiming that I was just- From Anders? I think Adam. I think from all of you. I came up here preaching about him being a Shakespearean actor and you guys were like, ohhhh. But that's every actor's story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, this dude is a classically trained actor. He is a character actor. And he's one of our best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, I think I know what you're talking about. You were saying that, sorry, cause you were chunking right there, but you were saying that in your DMs, like saying,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I'm right there with you. I had the same thing where I was like telling my girl, I'm like, yo, uh, like I heard, I was communicating through my DM and she's kind of like, uh, like what's going on there? But yeah, that's exactly where you are. It acts as a text message.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fuckin' nerd. That sounds a little more formal. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, did it have a resurgence? Like, why was that, like, even something that was on our map?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but no, I actually was really curious about, like, what, like, saying, uh, homeless, or, like, why that became a bad word, cause I know it is unhoused now, but now that you say, like, home is where the heart is. Oh, it is? I've never heard that in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It has negative. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, because to me, yeah, I, I mean, I don't know, I didn't see homeless as like something mean to say, but when you say like other places can be homes that aren't houses, that makes sense to me. Yeah, that's how I interpret it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, after I put the kids to bed, I just go right into modern warfare and just tear shit up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be a mom who does that, right? Oh, absolutely. I hope so. For sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I also pulled the, uhm, the kids bop version.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a strange cult. Kids bop is a cult. Be careful what your kids are listening to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So kids bop on the early early ones it might be like either number six or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like 27 KidBops now, but like number six has like, I'm real, you know, the JLo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh-uh. Nope. Uh-uh. Uhm, I guess what, my shout-out, I'll just re- I just brought- Shout-out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's dope. I have not tapped into that yet, but I will definitely check it out. It's on Netflix.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what everybody says is just like super polite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man. I bet it'll come back around. I think everything. I'm waiting for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, S-Frank Ocean kinda does. I dunno, he stays quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, all it takes is, all it takes is for a group of really cool, influential people to be like, yo, that kind of shit is lame. Cause right now it's all green lights. Everybody who's cool is like, yeah, work with companies, like sell out it. We're getting money, we're getting money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is total, total body mind confusion. No idea what I'm doing out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's like a- maybe that was just my grandma and I just figured-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're fine, we still love each other. I slept with him last night. I slept with him last night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't shut up about my long ass crank sessions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're here. Guys! What's up guys? We are very excited to start every podcast. Whee!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is our- feels good. This is our 40th episode banger. 40th episode! Oh my damn. We said that to- and what a milestone 40 is. Oh my gosh. Uh, Ondra has actually just turned 40, now he's doing his 40th podcast. This is a big- Hey, oddly enough. This is a big deal. It feels good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is 40 guys. Happy birthday. Wow. Well, I actually texted, uh, Dyrs like a friend. I didn't just wait for the podcast. Did you text, uh, did you text him as a friend?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I'm pretty bad at remembering people's birthdays or even really knowing what day of the month it is in general. Uh, so it's really nice to have people, uh, on the internet be like, don't forget, yours is turning 40. And you're like, oh, yeah, he is. Look at him go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I get weird, I get weird reminders and I don't know how it happens. It's like people that I met. It's like, it's like a guy named Jerry that I met in a bar in, uh, Tallahassee. Sure. His birthday. And then it gives me a reminder and I'm like, I don't know who this man is. I don't know who this is. And he's a legit Jerry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you could have been doing, you wasted half the day. This is six hours of your life that you wasted on this. Six?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this is why all the gay dudes are flocking into my DMs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I won't shut up about my long ass crank sessions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder, is that an entry mode? I bet, I mean there's so many gross, there's so much gross stuff out now, I feel like that's not even that elite level of gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, if that's the case, dude, I'm in Charleston. I'll come down to Atlanta and catch COVID with you at a game. Okay, that's what I'd like to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's uh, there's no masks in South Carolina anymore. You go everywhere without masks. Right on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty great. And, uh, I mean, they're assuming you're vaccinated, and I am, but, uh, it's nice to feel, uh, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Civilization is opening back up and you're gonna have things that you can go do again and restaurants to go to and just dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty bars to go to. Dirty, dirty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dirty, dirty, dirty boys. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I like going into filthy places and you're like, this is where Covid was born, but it's, and it's not catching me. I'm just kidding you motherfuckers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that lasted like the first night I went out. And then, and then after that I'm like, I don't even think about it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is nice being an actor on these sets, like, just, I feel bad for the, you know, every other crew member.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who is, who can never take the mask off. Because we take the mask off when we're acting and you get a little reprieve from it. It sucks, especially shooting in the south in the summer, Blake's gonna deal with this and just that humidity hits you like a wall and all of a sudden


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, all of a sudden you're like, uh, I'm an actor. I have to prepare without my mask on. I'm so sorry, COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's also, it's like by state, it's by city, it's by the company that you're working for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it's like, it went from like two masks to one mask to a N95 to a just a regular mask to maybe just the face shields, maybe the face shield and the mask. And Adam's reading this off of the internet. He knows the exact order. Uh, yeah. So it's just, you know, it's been all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but no dude, I like went, I just got really stoned the other night and, uh, and just climbed Mount Everest. Like went on a little journey. Yes, climb, dude, climb is so sick. Yeah, that one's sick. I went diving with sharks and stuff. But what are you doing? You're sitting there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For that one, I didn't do much. It was, it was kind of a, I don't think it was what Kyle's talking about. It was like a, just a video. Like a YouTube. Oh, yeah. That you're watching and you kind of go on a journey with these hikers, but you're with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's also a game called Creed, which is essentially the movie Creed, and you box, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say what is cool about this is, uh, especially with the more athletic games that you do, you are getting some kind of, something out of it besides just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it is a little bit of a workout. Like after that boxing game that I played for like five minutes, I was like sweating. I'm like out of breath. I lost the game. I fucking just got my ass kicked by this guy in the first


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A writer, a writer on, uh, the gemstones, he was telling me that he, uh, last year had to stay at a hotel, uh, and he, he was living in this hotel throughout the whole production and, uh, he, he got an oculus and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he was on the porno. He's convinced that the maid came in and cleaned up as he was sitting there butt naked on the couch, jerking off at his hotel room and like gave him ice. He was like, dude, I swear to God, there was no ice there. There was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My guess is, it's probably that, you don't wanna, you don't wanna stick around and, and, and watch that. Tap him on the shoulder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do do that. That's so sick. Which is gonna be, uh, so tight. Like, I'll do that. I mean, fuck. I mean, that's where it's gonna get tricky because I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I, I went to like 40 home games. Uh, 40!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but that first round, it's like, Hey, sorry, honey, I do have to watch five hours of basketball every night. Right. Or like four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's so annoying. They're trying to get everybody on NBA TV. I have NBA TV, but my NBA TV is in LA. That's where the account was set up. So I'm trying to watch it here and I can't watch it because of the NBA. Is it an app on Apple TV or what is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need it. I don't need one. I'm fine. I don't need it. And then now I'm like, fuck, I should have got one. I'm trying to watch my b-ball, baby. True that. True that. You caught cop slipping, bro. You need to get one. I wasn't even thinking about sports games. That's really what it's for. Like I was thinking like, oh, you can watch like the Netflix, like if you're in Canada, you can watch


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just stick with my regular American ass Netflix. I'm sure it's fine, but uh, but now I understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I had a big weekend. Uh huh. Guess how much I weighed, uh, I weighed yesterday. I'll guess, I'll guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it's weird, yeah, that is, I'm jealous, I worked out with a buddy of mine all the, uh, 2020, and we worked out every day, and he was, he had some weight to lose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Motherfucker lost like 50 pounds. I worked out every day with him and I was doing two a days. I was riding the bike every day and doing the workouts with him every day. I lost like six pounds. Right. He lost like 50 pounds. It was, it was nuts. But you were eating whatever you want, right? No, I eat pretty fucking good too. My issue is is I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am, I am trying to be more healthy, uh, you know, because I feel like that that's just how my entire family was and is. And you know, you're just, just operation go-hards. And I had one uncle that just died on the toilet, just heart exploded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know exactly, but that's how we died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then my other uncle, he, he's had a heart attack and he was a go hard. And then my dad now lung cancer, just cause he was chain smoking and cigarettes for 40 years. I'm like, Oh, I do kind of treat my body like garbage. I'm a go hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and that's my operation. Maybe I segue to an operation go pretty hard, but maybe 25% less hard. Right, okay, sure. Or maybe, maybe I start chugging red wine instead of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in the ways you want. That's actually a great question. See, the thing is, I'm planning on going hard, guys. What I'm gonna do now is just like, uh, remember how I was shitting on you just a few months back when we started the podcast? About salads and stuff?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, five days a week for four or five years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five days. Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, that's a lot. Without a doubt. Not even, not even an exaggeration. I mean, we're talking to Andy Boatman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, I love it. I love it. I love it. The namesake. Uh, so, you know, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna curb it by like 20%, 25%, 15%, 10%, 5%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But do you, Kyle, do you think you are healthier now than when you were eating red meat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That means that I'm satisfied. I don't have the need to snack or, like your word, utilitarian. We're busting out new words here. I love it. Satiary?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is 40, we're learning. It satiates me. I love it. And so, I, then I don't feel like I snack and like do, do the bullshit and like I'm not eating the chippies and having the sammies and all the other things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, mistakes sustains you. But I feel like it was some, like people that don't eat red meat, they, then they just like eat potato chips and they eat all kinds of other shit that's bad for them, but then they're like, I'm not eating the red meat when maybe the other shit that they're eating is actually more fucked up for them than the red meat. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And did I tell you guys about this last week? I went to this woman, she's a healer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whaaat? Yeaah. They recuh, uh, uh, people on set, uh, recommended me, cause I, I know I have this neck thing, uh, where I like tweaked my neck. It's been years now. Your neck is broken. And you guys probably always see me crack it and shit. I have seen you do that. Yeaah, it's kinda fucked up. And so I, I like really tweaked it the other week and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm on set and they're like, you should go to the healer. And I'm like, uh, okay. And I'm telling Chloe about it and I'm like, I'm going to go to the healer. Uh, and Chloe's like, you're going to get jerked off. You're for sure getting jerked off. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never even get massages. And so like, I'm just this ball of stress. And she was like, my neck is fucked up. So she's like rubbing my legs and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, and like, uh, relaxing muscles, like in my armpits and down my back, and it's releasing the muscles all the way up, and by the end of it, I'm just like a moldable clay man, and I'm like, I'm feeling way better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it's a, it's a, it's like a mix of a chiroprac, a chiropractitioner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a chiropractor and a massage therapist. And it's like the mix of those two disciplines. And uh, I don't know, at first I was like, am I gonna like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rub crystals all over me and like smother myself in sage and shit. Which I'm, I don't, yea, I would try.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because who cares? But also I'm like, not trying to spend like 250 bucks on, on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rubbing sage on myself. So I was actually really pleased.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that this one, and I went twice. I actually went this morning and I went, uh, once a week ago and she was like, it'll probably last for like five or six days. And then, uh, you're, you know, stretch every day and then you're going to probably want to come back. And then I waited about a little over a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is, uh, like what's gonna happen, like through the years? So your poem is all fucked up and now it's gonna like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, who is that, who is this girl that sang best friends and we all got it wrong and then everyone just came after her? It was like, Sweety or something? Sweety.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's do it, buddy. Well, Dersie, you didn't, uh, you didn't tell us what you did for your 40th birthday. That's true. You didn't have a throw down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just sad. Didn't have a throw down either. No throw, no throw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it. Look at us. Look at us growing up, being responsible, having 40th birthday parties, uh, just with your girl at a hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna do like a haunted house. That'd be cool. Apologies. Giveaways. Epic slams. Epic slams. What do we got? What do we got cooking for this one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, great. Hey, this is 40, you know, and you are 40 now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like to congratulate, uh, Blake on getting back to work. Hell yeaah. Uh, firing this baby back up after a long pandemic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's nice man, it's good to feel like you're doing something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] R.I.P. to his hairline. What is going on there? Is it- It's its own thing. It's its own thing. It's its own thing. It's not- Cotton candy. I would feel bad. It seems like a condition. It doesn't seem like he's just losing his hair. It seems like something else is going on. And if that's the case, I apologize to Trey Young, but right now, he's gotta do something with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never seen him outside of a game, so I don't know what he styles it. It's like his skull is wearing a cape. It doesn't- it's like it's doing its own fucking thing back there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I met, when I met Chris Paul, and Chris Paul's like, when you see him on the court, he's tiny, he's like, he's 6'1", in real life, and you go up to him and you're like, he's just built like a fucking house, like he was so fucking thick, I'm like, oh I couldn't shove this man to the ground and beat him up, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright guys, this was another episode of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I put reminders in my phone for birthdays. I'm like, dude, hey, happy birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he might have like, he might have sent you his contact and in the contact there might be like birthday information now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why Nintendo? Are you still tending to the dough?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously we're super deep into video games, but like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything you're saying is just a little too much for him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say you're a doer, Adam, like you're a boat guy, right? You have a boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you like to have stuff and you take care of the stuff and you do all the stuff. I'm not a, I'm not a stuff guy either. I don't think Blake is a stuff guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right, right. Those are not, that's not stuff, those are things, to be clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is those sessions would be longer because you're looking for a double barrel bang bang. And what I'm talking about is your longest single shot session. I'M A MAN!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When's that gonna get sent back around? I'm kinda surprised that hasn't had like a second wave. Or is it like a rite of passage for 12 year olds everywhere?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And are you, cause every time I do it now, when they talk and I like feel the breath come at me, I'm like, ah, I'm breathing it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get the little mask zits, right Kyle? Didn't you get those? Cause I would say that being a director is the worst. Because at least when you're on other crew members, they can leave for a minute. Directors are always like on call and they're there all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a famous, like, uhm, little upper corner pornhub rotate, like, commercial loop of, uh, Lisa Ann getting a massage and then some dude just puts like a thumb in her butt and she makes the greatest face in the history of porno, uh, we'll post it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds, it's not great. That sounds awesome. Send me one. Ders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying you climbed Mount Everest, but you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you can look all around. So you sit and then they are kind of going up the thing and you can look around and check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you're not actually climbing, you're just moving your hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're, you're, are you holding like controller type things and when you reach for like the blue one, it, it lights that up and you climb that way kind of thing? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, did you go over one of those, like, ladders that they set up over the, like, crevasse?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish I weighed 250 so that I could lose 50 pounds and people could be like, wow, but when you are 10 pounds overweight or maybe 15 and you lose 10, everyone goes, hey, nobody cares.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it seems like you can't avoid it, so just do your thing. No, you can though, I mean if you look at it, can't you? I think some people can, but I think Adam, based on what you're telling me, is that it's gonna happen man, sorry. Right, like it's like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Impossible tacos? Those are so good. So good. I never had that, but I've had the burgers and you can't tell. Yeaah. They're delicious. What are you talking about Adam? So I'm not saying you should do it Adam, I'm saying you should have whoever's making your burgers switch it, swap it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I go out to get a burger, if they have it on the menu, I'll have them swap it out. Just cause I'm like, I wanna get a burger, I won't know the difference. I'll be tasting pickles and mustard anyway. I know, that's the thing though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't sit in you like red meat. Red meat sits in you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're still, cause you're still full from an entire steak. Yeaah. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, there's no pa- like, I might pass out from the pain. This dude who works me is like this ex-football player, now he's like a powerlifter. Uhm, and I am always like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They tell me that eventually my hand will like close like this and then I have to like get like a surgery or some kind of operation to like open it up. Yeah, that's kind of sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Or maybe I'll be back. I don't know. There's no way to tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, sanity. Holler at your boy. Hey, these guys can go to an NBA game. Why don't we go hike a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Emma took me to Malibu for two nights. We stayed at the Malibu beach inn right there on the water. Got some dinners and walked around in robes for a weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though? Here's what I think I'm going to do. I think, uh, I think I've told this story on the pod, but when I was eight, my parents were just a little busy and my birthday is May 29th and uh, they didn't have time to throw a party and they kind of put it off to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I finally had my birthday party. I was like, guys, this is getting out of control. We have to do this. Sorry about that. They were like, okay, how about Halloween? And I was like, sure, whatever. Let's just do it. But that's another holiday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is being a third. So what I was thinking is that this year, because like, we're still kind of like, people hadn't all been vaxxed, all that yada yada yada. I think I'm going to throw my birthday party on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hope you guys go to this game, because I'm, Trey Young, I'm loving this dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm, I'm, uh, trying to just kind of segue into my own personal podcast where it's never any speaking from me. It's just sound bites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he was, I think they were back at the, at the rings. They were competitors once again. Oh man, the rings look so fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Yeaah. The impact. The impact takes it out of ya.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is crazy though, when, when I heard that, that about his voice, I Googled it. I was like, I had never heard that before, but that is such a damn man. Just lucked out. That's huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bizarre. Can we talk about the side of a U-Haul truck, those did you nose?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The health. I think something's gonna just drop out of a tree and hit me on the head. And that's gonna be it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said the opposite of that. That's what Baring- No, it wasn't an accident, cause I didn't- you didn't let me finish. Kyle drops a coconut out of a tree and kills-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It even feels like everything you do, you can only take so many preemptive measures. Like sure, smoking cigarettes, you can't do that. It's on the pack. You're gonna get cancer if you do it. You have to assume you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But everything else is kinda like, you walk into Starbucks, there's the little plaque on the wall, like, things in here give you cancer, maybe. It's like, how are you supposed to live your life? There's just so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, now I have a, now something's kinda clicking. Do you think that statistic of the one in three people get cancer is because cigarette smoking was so prominent in the past that maybe we're just getting all these lung cancers from these cigarette smokers of the, you know, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, marijuana is super, is super valuable to the process, for sure. Because even like what you're talking about with like the appetite, you really do lose it, you gotta smoke that weed, get them munchies back, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The website still has to exist, right? It's probably better than ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's a pretty common practice in beer pong, like the distraction technique.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, part of a community, I suppose. Jeez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the other reason they pump that stuff in is because it's so easy to like talk to the players. Like I saw on Instagram, somebody was just like, LeBron, you're a baby. And like, you can just hear. Hear everything. And you can truly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Oh, wow. I forget which song. It might be like, it's one of his really famous songs, like X gonna give it to you or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like this guy's got some demons. But with that said, did you see like his little like funeral that went down in New York? It was just insanity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you say, next time will you sing with a frog, do you go through the alphabet as a frog, in a frog voice?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again again again. Next time won't you sing with Casey Affleck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your only line, your- you guys are like, uh, making drugs out of your house, the cops bust in, your big line is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, it was hilarious. I was just coming off getting the Johnson & Johnson backs and rolled up and the homie was in full regalia and he's like, you ready to ride? I'm like, I don't know. I've only ate gummy bears. I didn't know this was a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we, Durz, we like scaled a mountain easily, like didn't even have to stand up, just remained seated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My shit kicked in, like, we did the bike ride, it was pretty long, but I got mine at, my shot at 10.30, and then right around 5 o'clock when I was driving home from the ride, it just hit me. My body was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Extreme muscle soreness, like, like a flu, and then, uh, yeaah, just walked through my door, like, laid on the floor, started to shiver for about 15 minutes, and then, then it was just kinda like, sore. And then the next morning, I was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you need to get one of those dream control machines. Those seem so fun, I've always wanted to try one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like basically what it looked like was this light bulb in the middle of basically like a shade with, with shapes cut out of it that spins at night and then I guess


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the lights hit your, your eyes when they're closed while you're sleeping, your brain starts to recognize that, that the light fluttering and it's like, oh, I'm asleep. I'm dreaming right now. I can, I can now control what I'm thinking, but I'm still sleeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a fucking G-Shock on. You'll probably be able to get a little second butt hole put in wherever you want it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think so? I don't know if I can open up enough to be like, yes, I'm, I'm free on acid and nothing's going to happen to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The iPod, probably the iPod mini. He's like, yo, make it smaller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it this year that they skipped the number? They went from like 10 to 12 and they skipped 11? That was like the big thing. I think that was the previous phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just reminded me of the Razer, I had a pink one, and I had the, uh, the, uh, the ringtone was Paris Hilton, uh, her hit, and it was the sickest phone. And then I would try to remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, rose gold. And you could flip the cases and you could actually do like a multi-case, uh, razor. Like you could do part, uh, you know, rose gold, part hot pink or, you know, any real shade of fuchsia. There's no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, honestly, I was just thinking of that look where you walk around with it and you're just all business, dude. That's what's up. Like I'm not hiding anything. I'm ready, dude. But you look like a Geek Squad member.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You know what I dug was the first iPhone, really. Like, can we think about that, Durz? I think that we went to go get that together, like, on the day. Like, that thing changed the fucking game. Yeaah, we went together, and then I put our sketches, I figured out how to put our sketches onto the phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I could like watch what we made on the phone and that was an absolute game changer. It was like, wait, how do you, how do you, and that was like before YouTube was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good to see you guys. Good to hear you guys. No lag baby, we're here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what if I, what if I was like, Hey guys, I'll give you a piece of my haunch and you can cook it up and eat it. And it's a surgery and it's a planned surgery. And I'm like, I want to lose weight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm going to cut some of my meat off of my bones and deliver it to you guys and have a prized chef come and cook it up. Would you grab on it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are two, these are, these are two parallel questions. One is would you eat in this, uh, I guess, okay, you're eating Adam over me, whatever. That's what we got to, that's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like first Adam, I'm giving you my muffin top. That's what's happening. I'm cutting that right off and that's getting served on a platter. That's the delicacy. That's good stuff, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold on one second, Blake, I have wanted to send you, uh, some, some nudes in the past, but I've been afraid that after it goes to your inbox, it might skip and step somewhere else. Can we make a pact that if any of us send each other nudes for a laugh that would just stops in the inbox and it doesn't go anywhere else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, but... Well, that's why I have to make sure to establish this pact. I do want to send him funny pics, uh, but I'm a little nervous about where they're gonna end up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be down to put all of our dicks together in a Photoshop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then that devalues it, right? So you're just buying it to put it out there. Cause the whole thing of value is there's only one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a pie? Honestly, I'm into anything where we're splitting our private parts and making one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, at least you got it. I mean, this is probably no surprise. I've never been able to do them. It's the one guy, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. For sure. It's gotta be something with the wonk that doesn't allow me to do it. People tried to teach me how to do it when I was a kid and I would stare at it and fucking stare at it and I just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dolphin's coming out of the water. The Rippin', the Terran. Adult magic eye might work. If you actually do like some fuckin' porno magic eyes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't see the boards and stuff? You can't see like the cannonballs or anything like that on this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that. Got it, got another cred. I'm pumped on that. INDB stacking up dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Honestly, called it a short film. It was a music video called a short film so that I could get an IMDB credit and we're cutting to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this was while we were all kind of kicking it watching TV at one of our houses and Adams just became Facebook friends with like the drummer or something and he's like looking on his laptop and he's like, Hey, did you mean to write butt fucking a man or what? And the drummer's like, what? It was totally a mistake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is weird when you get sucked up into the Hollywood of it all and you're like, I get my hair done and makeup done every day. Let's make it look good. And you just completely lose track of the core of the characters. And it's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, that one's fucking BOMB, dude. I was gonna say old-fashioned, but now I'm like, or glazed old-fashioned, but now I'm like, yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like the curler. Apple fritter? Apple fritter? I don't do the apple fritter. I keep the apples out of my donuts. Keep the fruit out of my donuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, for real, I ordered a pizza the other day and I got, I got through to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How did it get a boost? How did that happen? I don't know. It's a healthy dip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] None of the cloned pet. Well, you have to consider that eating dogs is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You'll probably be able to get a little second butthole put in wherever you want it, like an open second butthole that just can like, shhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a pinwheel whistle, it's not a kazoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now as a comedian though, I don't even know, the comedian's perspective of ditching farts is absolutely absurd to me. Like how much have you laughed in your life over farts? And you're just saying without a blink of an eye, yeah, I don't want it no more. That's some bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, I did do that. And that was real nice. That was a juicy one. You got one right now? You got one in the jester? And I guess I'll, um, I'm sitting with a P, pretty heavy with a P, so I don't know that I'll be able to pull it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to say a lot more last week, but the tech was behind and I, I will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you know, all I was gonna say was that we talked about the meatworms. I mean, you already said it. I didn't have anything to add.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I definitely know he's not listening and I share the same with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were in it. Now, that's great. Great, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're shooting days, but you're shooting nights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like tinfoil painted black that has to be able to stand the heat. Ah, yes. And that's to shape the light. If you want to get into grip class, I mean, I'm ready to rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was occurring too often for it to be a mistake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is that, now let's, let's walk this down the path. Is that, is that something that this guy or girl, we don't know who this person was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing this on purpose accident. Is that what you're thinking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Silence. This kind of turned into a little, this kind of turned into a little bit of like, you kind of dug it because it was a bonding experience between you and your castmate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess I should write him a thank you note. Yeah, I think like, if you're still friends with the castmate, you might want to, you know, uh, let the sound guy know that this, or sound girl, that this, this was them. They did it. It was a guy. Hot, hot, hot, hot! It was hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that? Wait. Do you remember? It was a chair, it was a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it, uh, did it have to do with the apple box? Or was it just, it was, right? It was like something that goes on the apple box and then you just sit on that. I mean, that's a thing, but whoever made that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An apple box is just like a one by one by three box made out of wood that you can use for multiple purposes on a film set. And again, this is why people tune in. So this is important. This is important. Adam, are you back? Adam, any thoughts on apple?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd go into the hot spot on the iPhone, partner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would try the hotspot on your iPhone, you got that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well, Adam's MIA, we got a frozen back, we'll probably get pop-ins from him throughout this pod, so uhm, what's up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the good shit is, my kids and wife are at the, uh, what is it, the Lindsay Museum of Science, Alexander Lindsay Museum today, which is cool, out in Berkeley. Uh, I happen to love that town, I love Berkeley, I was pretty excited to go, but then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, that was the other day and that was what's poppin' and we, we actually said what was poppin' in the bay. We had to do a tourist video for Concord, California where we went on a taco trail and ate hecka tacos and, uh, they were so fuckin' good. I'm just gonna say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was the one that you guys had? The Bucce? Did you have the Bucce?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought Tom Hanks was from Oakland. I didn't think he was from Concord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he did go to Concord High? I thought he was in Piedmont. I thought he was a Piedmont boy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's uh, probably, I mean cool, yea sure, whatever bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't me. I'm like, Tom Hanks is an Oakland dude. I was like, what is this? I know who's the conquered people. Uh, well, Walnut Creek guy, Kyle Gass. Okay. I'm going to bring him up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say that as Coughlin. I would say that as Coughlin. But hey, cause it's a cough. Hey guys!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perks, perks of the job, right? Oh! Yeah, but those guys only got one chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They figure to themselves they got one chance to give a little graze. You know what I mean? It's like they got, they're gonna snap a selfie, they're gonna maybe shake your hand, and they're gonna maybe graze your, your, your wee-wee. Your hoo-hoos! My wing-hoos!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I got sick of cutting it and then I saw this PA in, or an assistant up in Canada up in Toronto. She was like, I just eat the whole thing. And I was like, what? Do it. And she did it. And I was like, and you're cool. And then I looked it up. Yeah. She was like, watch, I'm going to get Kyle to eat the whole thing. I just have to eat it once. Yeah. And I looked it up and it's fine. He actually got a lot of the food.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, Adam, I love that about you. I love that you eat everything. I love it. He eats the whole apple, too. I know. I think it's so fucking cool, dude. I think you're so ahead of the curve on this, bro, and I'm like just, I'm into you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've used this word before on this podcast to deaf ears, but it's purely utilitarian. Well said. It's I grab a kiwi, I run it under water, I don't need a knife. I don't need a knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what though, if you fucking dehydrated the skin of a kiwi, come on to Carl's good stuff salad bar. If you dehydrated the skin of a kiwi, I bet it would be bomb as fuck. I bet that would be bomb as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I, you know what I salted? Bomb as fuck. You know what I dehydrated the other day that was off the charts? Some motherfucking mulberries, bro. You guys fuck around with a dehydrator? Anybody?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, you could put it in your trailer, you could be dehydrating these kiwis, these apples, anything, it's just, then it lasts forever, you know? Or a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say that minute 26 through 36 on this particular pod is pretty hot, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's two or three minutes behind us. You think I'm two or three minutes behind? Two or three minutes? Or a minute? A minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Oh, okay. Lag. See, so now maybe you'll be current. Hey, what about science?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, I mean it's suburban. It definitely is. It's about 45 minutes outside of a city. There's no real...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to, yeah, it's out there. It's a lot of chain restaurants for sure. I mean it felt, when I went to Omaha to corroborate Adam's story, when I went to Omaha I did feel like similar vibes. Like I was like, oh this feels similar except in Omaha everything's way more spread out. In Concord it's a little bit closer. Right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know they make this shit in the bathtubs, like cause you, and sometimes they put carpet in meth. And like Clorox? Yea, it's like a lot of chems, and then they put like, uh, even carpet in it, cause I remember somebody saying, is it that good? Carpet meth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure it has to have something to do with like what's sealing the bottom of the carpet and you put that in the bathtub and then it like dissolves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a bummer, man. It's a bummer, dude. Addiction can take em. Addiction can take ya. It can take ya all the way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's, that's absolutely why I never did, uh, heroin or fucking acid. Because I'm like, I think I would break. I would go deep into the heroin world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like an elite, it's an elite drug. It's like, you know, you have a bunch of money rules. Some rules don't really apply to you because you can buy your way out. So that, that ideology can translate into like, well, cocaine is only illegal because somebody else says it, but you know, it's a party drug in my family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't until I started like, no you didn't. Like in uh, like in like junior, our senior year when I started going to parties with height, with footballers, where I was like, and it was kind of out of my league, like I'm not a sports guy, I'm not a jock or anything like that, but we were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright guys, I'm not a sports guy. I'm not really a sports guy. I like what you do, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I was extreme sports, that's right. Dude, you're so extreme. But that's when I started noticing that there was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, this is, the setup to this is that when a, when a cardinal, when a, specifically a cardinal, when a cardinal visits you, there is some lore from, I didn't research which culture or where it comes from, but the lore is that that is, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A deceased family member or friend coming to visit you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, good, good, good. I'd like to compliment Adam, I'd like to compliment you, uh, because as much as it's a hot button thing with me killing these birds, I would really like to compliment you in not doing it. I think that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's fantastic. I don't think you should be murdering animals just because they're a nuisance unless they're rats. Okay. It's not good for the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you wanna, if you have other animals that you would like to murder, like, it's okay to talk about it. That's okay. As long as you don't take action. I'm happy for you to air it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, complain. Just don't pull the trigger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you taking that back or are you just spreading it? It sounds like you're gaslighting. I think you're gaslighting Concord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't mean to just drag this one out, but like, you do know that now, and you just said it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is this an epic slam? This is, this is wild. It does feel like an epic slam shrouded, uh, in an apology. Are you shrouding?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So again, I'd also like to compliment us from minute 26 to 36. I feel like those were the hottest parts of this particular podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was where we were really, we weren't floundering. The rest of the podcast, I felt like we were floundering and I apologize. But, uh, 26 to 36, hot 10 minutes. Just, uh, maybe we put that on loop for this one. Yeah, who knows? Maybe it's just a 10 minute podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if that's appropriate set talk. Go ahead. Oh, come on, doggy!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe Wonder Woman is from Amazon, like not THE Amazon, but a place called Amazon, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do we think Steve Austin, how do you think his parents did it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like the, uh, South Ben Shovel Slayer from Home Alone. He was like super scary but a nice guy who just needs to call his kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so, I got a, I got a story here. Hometown, Evanston, Illinois, there was a guy growing up that everyone called Bicycle Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, she worked at our Y, which is a whole other story, but she writes about it in her book, it's a trip. Uhm, but so this dude, bicycle man, was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of like this mangled dude that would hobble around our downtown. And this is before anybody wore a helmet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this dude, he was in a like car accident. He got hit when he was on his bike. So when you would cruise past him with no helmet on, he'd be like, he'd chase you to be like, get a helmet on. And he would always wear a helmet, but we would just be like, oh shit, he's like scary, he's hobbling, he's chasing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we'd just be like, fuck you, like cruise off as like badass little nine year olds. Uh, but looking back, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just trying to do a service to all the children of this community because he had some savage shit happen to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just distracted? And you didn't see the car?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what you don't realize is he has zero recollection of anything that happened around that time. Just like you don't remember that much from your accident, correct? Yeah, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think if, so he clearly had some shit going on before, but what if the accident, like, fixed everything and he became super smart and was like a super villain?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the dark corners of the batting cage. And he gets like super handsome and like, he becomes like an Elon Musk type guy. Okay, I like the nerves. I'll walk down this, sure. Did you say Elon? Did you say Elon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything's marketing, guys. Don't be naive. Well, that's why I trust he's Swedish, right? He's from South Africa. No, he's from South Africa, yeah. So he's got a Dutch name, I would, I would, uh, guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's an alumnus, he gets dressed, little drones dress him. Uhm, he has science glasses that can project computer screens into his eyeballs. And uhm, he's worth 100 billion dollars, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially the tiny little drones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're concerned. This is abnormal


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you were drunk enough that you would do acid, because do you think you would have ever done acid before this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I guess I was never- Are you having some Sunday scaries? I guess is what I'm asking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I know, but are you like, fuck, I missed out. I want it. Like when you see those dudes again, are you going to go, Hey, let's do it again. I'm not going to drink as much. Like, are you going to make an appointment to not literally appointment, but like, are you going to make an effort to do it? Or is it going to be like a blackout drunk again? I'll do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was trying to buck my like high school, we had like a pact, like a high school pact where if neither of us was married at a certain age, we would look up or something like that. And she couldn't remember. And then of course I like was a dick to Carl and that was a huge turnoff for her. So then I blamed Carl and I said, I was going to buck his mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a, hey, that was a movie I dragged my now wife to in the theater and she was like, I don't know what the fuck this is. Great movie to see in the theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After. This was when I was in college. Shanghai Noon is fucking unbelievable. What's the cue? What are you saying? What cue? Well, I mean Jackie Chan is in it. The long, the long braid. Kyle, the braid that Jackie Chan is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but that's everybody, but sorry, let me, let me just clarify here. What movie is that? Everybody that's at his fame level has those movies on Netflix and Peacock and all those things. Now, Nicolas Cage made like 11 movies last year. No, no, absolutely. Bruce Willis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fist of Fury, Game of Death, End of the Dragon with Bruce Lee way back in the day. He has been around greats and then he fucking came over here, obviously was discovered as like a star in China, and he like became the biggest star


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just say he has zero? Okay, sure. Yeah, you can't say he doesn't make flops. It's Donald Sutherland, Tom Cruise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Police story? Have you guys ever seen that? Police story is crazy. I've never seen that, no. It's fuckin' sick. It says here he was in Cannonball Run 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. These are all for international releases. They get a few American movie stars and then they release it here and we don't watch it because we're super racist. So guess what? I took it back. There you go. Took it back. Yo, that's awesome. It's like uhm, what's that one with Matt Damon like fighting dragons on the Great Wall or whatever? Like, we didn't see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's in the trailer, right? For sure. Unreal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm on like a, next time I'm on like a subway train or something like crowded on the way to like the airport or something I was gonna say. Which one do y'all kick me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they go in a room, there's a bunch of dudes there, all of a sudden the foot comes out of nowhere and kicks. Kicks him right in the face. Chris Tucker in the face, his head goes back, he comes back looking like, what the fuck, and he just goes, which one he'll kick me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? I don't know. No, I wasn't that kid either. I had a backpack and here's what I remember. Uh, messenger bags.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a homie who wore it in the front. That was his whole fuckin' stays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was an Eagle Creek, I was rocking the New Balances, but it was an Eagle Creek red backpack with like, the flap on the top and the drawstring type shit, right? I don't know what you call that, like a top loader?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was leather. No, but it's extra durable. It was just leather. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I remember a kid bringing one to school, huge flex, but at the same time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't buy it because people hike around with giant fucking bags with like the waist straps and shit and like, you just strap it tight and you're fine if anything is getting stronger, it's bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I definitely think you and Jordan Peele should play brothers because when he was on Workaholics and you guys were next to each other, I was like, these dudes look the same. And your mannerisms were similar. It was fucking creepy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I think that you are his like, from they, uh, you're his other one from underneath eating rabbits and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just know how hard our editors have to work, uh, to kind of splice this apart. You know, Todd's a good guy. I appreciate him. He's in a great band. Big shout out to Todd. In a cover, Clash cover band. Check him out. Yes. Keep Clash marketing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna name four albums, I'll give you that. Keep truckin'. Keep truckin', that's two. Two, two, two.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you love the band, you're wearing the merch. What about the one, uh, I'm grateful I'm dead? Build a face right off of your head. Great, cool, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dog Koda is also known as Cum Soda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, so you think you got po- the food turned into poison in 8 hours? Is that what I'm hearing? Like within 8 hours the food turned into poison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's if you eat the wet spinach. If you eat the spinach that looks like it's soaked. That's when you get the E.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're tough. They're meant for soap scum. They're meant to like scrape off like mildew and soap scum. Like that's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so no more live ammunition. It's all, it's all blanks. Well, when I do it, I haven't done it yet. I made the appointment and I walked in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they cut the vast deference.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's two of them in the sack and they cut both of them. And then I guess they cauterize it or something? I gotta look into that. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the science of the vasectomy if you guys want it. A vasectomy works by stopping sperm getting into a man's semen, the fluid that he ejaculates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The tubes that carry sperm from a man's testicles to the penis are cut, blocked or sealed with heat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so Blake, did you know this? That you can reverse it. And it's like 99% reversible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it depends on how quickly you're, you're blasting afterwards. You have to clear the chamber. You have to, you have to shoot like, you know, like 25 times to clear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like the secret scene, it's like, I think it's the last last BOOM. You know? Like the last note.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's so much here. I would love to spend some moments on this, some of that, and then also roll through like 12 of them hella quick, like. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Cause there's 25, we have to get through 25. It's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I just was like tripping because when he said I could reverse it, I was like, why didn't I get one of these when I was fucking 18 years old? I mean, yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, I feel like we should have this conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? But at the same time, is anybody doing this? Like, I'm sure some psychopath is doing it for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Psycho. This is like, it's a kind of a genius thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I get that, but you always put the IUD, the IUD and the woman has to wear it, take the pill, all that shit. This is something for like the dude to step up and just be like, I'm clean. I think it's cause it's a surgery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm doing it in August. I'm almost like a month out actually. I had to schedule it a month out because I'm going to be out of town for two weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I probably will take a pain pill. I just always say this going into surgeries. I'm like, I don't really want to do the pain pills because I'm the kind of guy that fucking goes into it and I love them, but I don't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said I have to get a jockstrap, so I have to order a jockstrap and bring it cause I have to put my nuts in a jockstrap for three days afterwards. I'm supposed to lay down for two days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I wear sacks, so I almost asked the guy like, yo, can I, do sacks work? Cause they have a pouch. You told him you're a sacks man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The amount of work they put just even in background jokes was just unreal. How like an ambulance would drive off and get connected to some fucking streamers and hit a bike. It hits this and Frank Drebben's in the foreground like, and he just doesn't even notice it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really, really did. Thank you. Alrighty then. He did. He was one of the first buttons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you don't like this, but he's got some of those serious ones on there, you know? Are we able to have the two, or are we able to just kinda...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about the movie, uh, Man on the Moon? I love that movie. I'm so glad you brought it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, like he had that, he had that planned. Well, they were shooting it. I mean, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were shooting it and he was playing to the camera. So it is not that weird considering there was a camera there and he was playing to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really hard. That's really hard. Definitely shout out. Like you got a really great dumb guy, the funniest dumb guy. And now how do you find dumb-er? How do you do that? That's tough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, um, which is cool. I fucking love that. We gotta get you out of them teeth, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 25 years afterwards. This is a bumblebee tuna. Allegedly. The best. Yeah, but that Ryan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I never watched that. I never saw that movie. Is it good?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm in front of the camera, if you guys are pulling me out there, somebody's gonna have to be watching monitors. Who's doing it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a botfly or are you just happy to see me? Mm-mm, pops like a zit, must be a zit. Did I tell you guys about my elephantitis?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saving it for the brought time. This is, this is not the time to be broughting it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a face mask. It's wearing the, like a, like a sweatband. Oh, you wear the visor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was interesting because I did get self-conscious about them, but then I'm like, what the fuck, I'm wearing a mask. Nobody, I'm wearing a mask. Nobody sees them. So like, it doesn't matter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You weren't terrible though, right? Were you? Me? I was pretty bad, dude. I think I was worse than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's, it's a beak. Pops like a zit, must be a zit. You've had pimples on your penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still gonna send it. It's from under cheese. From under, from under cheese. Oh, I hope you're gonna say-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here, hold on, last question about zits. Did you guys ever put on makeup to go to school? Like, steal your mom's makeup and put it on to cover up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there we go. I guess I could get down with those. Those are kind of fun. I do enjoy seeing what's living below the surface. I, I do. I know what you're saying, Ders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've seen that shit in the writers room. I remember when you used to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like a jungle town. They got hit the hardest from coronavirus?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fun, fun town, good vibe, lack of infrastructure which is why the coronavirus got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if there's evidence that says that the second time is worse than the first. I haven't heard of many.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely. I don't know if that's a lesser form or what not, you know what I mean? Your honor, I rest my case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what the, what the level of it is, cause even when you get like the, you know, when you get the, uh, the shot, when you, whatever it is, the vaccine, you still are getting it and you can get it later, right? It's just, it builds your body's tolerance up, like it's building up your immune system against that particular virus, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a bummer to me. I like that guy. Hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's he got? So he's got Holland's Opus, and then what else, what else does he got? What about Jaws? What about Bob? Yeah, Jaws, Close Encounters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He got an Oscar, right? He got an Oscar for that? I hope so. Did he? I think so. I think something with that movie got an Oscar. It at least got an Oscar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably right. I feel like the airborne thing was like in a lot of movies with cars where it's just like, yeah, push it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The stunt guy's like, I can push it, I can get air off that hill right there. It's like, go ahead, film it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would argue that every car in the movie will be driving on two wheels. The craziest thing is like that was not, that's not a CGI trick. That's like a fucking whip the wheel one way, whip it the other way, and get it up. Yea, that's Tom saying, guys check this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember this story, I remember the shot. Woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all narrowly escaped it, but now we're here and we're talking. We've all been in a trunk of a car and it's on two wheels. Cherish life everybody, cherish life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell yea, he did. Dude, that's so tiny. Yea, well, I mean, I had to save for it. It was a big thing. I saved for it with the paper route and the first jobs and stuff like that. And it was like, if I put money down, my folks would match it. I bought mine a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, no, it was when you had your license actually in California. Oh yeah. You got your license. That's why I'm moving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, six months, you couldn't drive anybody else around unless it was like to work or back. When you had your actual license, they put a stipulation on it for six months. And then for a year, you couldn't drive past like midnight at 5am or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're still a teen with a boner, and those are still girls with boobs, like, that's what's up. That's part of what it is. I remember, I think it was, it was, uh, so it's in, it's inescapable? It's inescapable! What are you supposed to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The youth? Yeah, that's not public shit, man. That's not. Remember handwriting!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't think it was bad, I just thought it meant forever. Like there's no other way for me to really propose how much this means to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, it would fucking, especially if I was already a little drunk, I'd be fucking livid. And they'd say you can't wear your fucking hat in this board door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was like the year that Thomas, whenever Thomas rolled down to Comic-Con though, it was like fucking, the mission was trying to get him into the parties that we were allowed in, but he was not. So I'm just trying to get him out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It goes to eleven. He wore a shirt that year that said one dollar joke machine. Did he really? Yea, trying to just get people to give him a dollar and like he'd tell a joke. Wow, that's weird. That's fucking weird. It said joke machine on his shirt? One dollar joke machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You jumped into the pool, like, after you jumped off the roof?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fucking crazy. It was, it was nuts. Like we were causing a ruckus. We went on a red carpet. Our first red carpet together was as the cast of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, drunk as fuck and stoned out of our minds. Just like, Oh my God, they let us on. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was because the fans themselves, right? Wasn't it because of the fans? Like they were all fucked up and like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, but did you, did you watch the, did you watch it like live? Cause they had a cool video where it was like Linkin Park and Jay Z performing it live. And that's when I was like, this is fucking dope. It, it does not, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Jay-Z linked up with the Baja Man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In America. Yes! So for us to say that about, for someone to come from a country where Smith's is completely uncommon. Break it down. They would say that's like Smith for us. Fuck it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the last name Kim, like the Korean last name Kim, they're like, oh, that's like Smith for us. Because they don't have a fucking ton of Smiths in Korea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two Irish directors in LA that are like, they, how many other Irish guys can we be talking about right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Kyle, what are you reading? You look like you're trying to say some, you've got some information.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it's the 9,425th most common surname. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your mom's maiden name is Blasik? That's right, yeah. That's where- that- that's fuckin'... It's hype. Why have you never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we say our mom's maiden name? Should we fucking rap for our moms today? Yeah, hell yeah dude, let's go. Let's call our moms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, I go in to do this, uh, with Nancy Meyer's famous director. She's awesome. And she goes, Hey, it's been a while since I've seen you. Can I see you outside in the light? I'm like, of course. You can see me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got me pumped! Durs, that's dope! Ed Sheeran, very good pull. Uhm, I think I know who that is. Classic Ginges, uhm. How tall is Ed Sheeran?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, did you know that in Ireland, having red hair is like having brown hair? There? Anyway, what's your mom's maiden name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This car knows what I'm talking about. And you like, make fun of people's horns. You're like, let's hear this horn. Jesus. That's your horn? You drive around town honking like that. Okay. Alright, let's hear your horn. That's a fucking horn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were like, yeah, her last name's Khan, K-A-H.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am kind of, yes I do, but I'm kind of confused as to why they think that like those things that are so easily discoverable online are like valid, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And do you think, do you think that's why it's really good? Cause it's a special occasion type thing. Absolutely. If you started a new job and everyone's like, well, come on out after work and get a Guinness. And you guys did that twice a week or something like that. Do you think you'd be like, I'm going to just have a course tonight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause like, I just want, sometimes we're, sometimes we joke too much. Years ago, Jack in the Box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he was in charge of hiring the, like, ad agencies, and then he was just like, I'm not liking this, I'm gonna do it on my own. And I think he's the guy who wears the, or at least voices that do with the big globe. Yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, do you remember when you met me? I had a jack in the box head on my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I used to love that ultimate cheeseburger. I know where you're coming from and I haven't been there in probably 10 years, but like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An antenna topper, when I put that on top of my antenna,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close your top, the AOR, what is they call the brand? Orda Ada?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In high school we had fish and chips that did have a luck of the Irish. There was a thick cut fry that came with the fish that had like a light seasoning that was luck of the Irish. Very tasty. Bottom of the barrel though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only place I can think of off the top of my head is Kua'aina, which is a Hawaiian burger place. What the f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going Penny Cobb. What's a cute net last name? Featherstone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a technicality, I'm sort of with you Adam, but I am kind of in the realm of like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, then can- Yes, but it did- it- it- The boat seems pretty fine. But we moved it in a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bread. They call it spread. They call it spread. It was good. It was fine. It's Thousand Island. Someone just crashed their car listening to that explanation. It was fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was fine. They're like, I'll never know. I guess I'll never know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's time to die. It was fine. Thank you. It wasn't bad. It was fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Like dice pickles are in that spread? Yea, it's a thousand island. Uh huh, I think I'm gonna call it the spread.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you eat that and you're not, like, drunk as fuck and it's two in the morning, you're fucking up. It's like eating poutine midday, like, on your lunch break from work. You just don't do it. Okay, you don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna hang, I'm gonna hang wet clothes on this now. Yeah, yeah, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are those long, uh, they look like those pincers that you use to pick things up when like you can't reach it? What are those?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes they would. It's like when they do those kiss cams and the guy's like, I'm on my phone and then she just turns to the stranger next to her and kisses and you're like, that's not real?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that she was at a Laker game and got discovered. Uh, but I thought you were going to say that this, this, this whatever cam, this Purell cam was at the Grammy Awards where someone did not win the fucking Song of the Year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So out of touch. They're essentially digital properties that you can prove you own through the blockchain, which authenticates that you have the one. And then you can, the value of whatever you have can go up and down based on how cool you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you can sell it to somebody else for 70 million dollars and so on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she'll be friends with me once she can't see me. Ah, middle school. I'll be her guide person. She'll think I'm pretty. Oh boy. Oh my god. Oh god. Ugh, too much. Hey, guys, too much. That was too much. That was too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's me holding up a kid probably in a trunk behind me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was. Nooo, like- You see, you see how I wasn't putting- I wasn't doing-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Back to when we weren't supposed to cry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I think like Friends is on Nick at night now, if I- Friends is everywhere all of a sudden, it's fucking crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, yeah, they need to chill with that. Cause back in the day, Nick at night was like, I love Lucy. Non-stop. What else would show up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you remember the movie that was actually called Just Bear? It was just a movie about a bear called Bear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. That's cool that we're just considering, yea, like Mac and me, that was a great airhole movie. Right, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just saying, I don't know about it enough to have an opinion to say like, I don't need people calling me king.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess you're right. It should be the loser's place to grab the winner and say you really did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's good. I will say that, since you brought up crying, the, the, the most recent time I cried- I can't talk about it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eduardo from the package on Netflix. Check it out. Funny film. Funny film. Yes it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He's actually really sick. The lane he was in was very dope and he was doing it correctly. It does suck. It sucks, guys. Be careful. And how did Lil Peep die? Uh, I think he took a bad batch of, uh, pills or it was some drug-related thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? They will. You have to be responsible. You have to, it's just, it's a dice roll every time you do them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, responsibly irresponsible. It's like, it's like the same as like, you don't wanna take a fucking crazy trippy drug if you're in a bad headspace. You're gonna have a bad trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like some people I feel like are out here like mad and they're trying to take drugs to like escape that feeling but it's just going to ignite that harder in you and in a very negative way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, just the people who take a pill straight out of their boot and into their mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I guess I've been lucky to not have too many friends in my life that like went totally off the deep end and went bizarro crazy. Thankfully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would also say, as that twin, you want to be able to point over to your brother and be like, I'm not lying right now, cause otherwise you have a situation where it's like, but are you a twin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to watch Stargate right quick cause Aliens did build that shit, but anyways, I had a similar thing, Adam, because I really like the show Rami on Hulu, shout out to my squad, but he goes to Egypt in the season and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the freeway, and then there's just a fucking pyramid there. I was like, I totally thought it was something, like a destination way off. So, I had a similar thing where it was like, oh shit, they're just out there? But that kinda made me like it more.


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[Assistant] But like, imagine, imagine being in LA and instead of looking up and seeing like the observatory, it's like a straight up pyramid that was made way back in the day. That just blows your fucking mind. To me that's just crazy that it's built around that.


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[Assistant] So cool. It was for sure not a monkey with strings tied to his lips. It was like a dude in a costume, but it was so scary. Yeah. Legitimately. The thing I wanted to say about the-


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[Assistant] When you guys were kids, just to go back to Tar Pits because when I was a kid, I had a vision of the La Brea Tar Pits being like this super epic place. Did you guys uphold it in your memory as something that was supposed to be awesome? We did not know about it.


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[Assistant] Well, I love dinosaurs as a kid. Like, Lebron Tarpets was some shit you heard about in the streets. Well yea, you guys are California kids. You guys are California kids. In the midwestern-


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[Assistant] Okay, so anybody who doesn't know what the fuck the Lebrea Tar Pits are is


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[Assistant] I assumed we were all on the same dinosaur plane, but I guess not. I guess not.


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[Assistant] Yes, no that's what's weird is cause in my mind I thought it was this like giant like desert of bubbling oil and tar and shit but really what it is right now is just this like lake of tar in the middle of LA.


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[Assistant] Is like a lot of like mammoths and shit that used to roam the earth would step into this thing and then just straight up drown. So a lot of really well preserved like fossils were found in the tar pits and that's what made it, that's what made it really special. But to show up there now, it's not.


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[Assistant] Have you guys rolled up? It's still bubbling. Like it's still a tar pit. Oh my God. Is it? I gotta go.


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[Assistant] Those are definitely one of those items that you, if you see them places, like you never appreciate that stuff till you actually go into a store and realize how much of a flex a dope rug in your house is.


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[Assistant] No, it's just sometimes you overlook things in life because you don't realize what the price tag is, but- I'm flexin', dawgs.


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[Assistant] Well, I will say that 60 by 40 informed that decision and I just kind of built off of it. But I'm sure the most expensive Persian rug is $33.8 million dollars coming from Anna.


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[Assistant] No, that's why I was like, how much is this fucking used rug? Did it have some kind of history? I feel like they must have sold you on some shit like, this used to be in the house.


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[Assistant] Okay, so, so old rugs are cool, but a bubbling ass fuckin' tar pit is not impressive to you. But okay, go off, King.


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[Assistant] No, that's not what they do. That's what it does. It is a special tar pit, if I had to guess. I don't think there's many tar pits in the world. Yeah, but you don't know. Carpets over tar pits.


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[Assistant] I can't argue that. I can't argue that. That just goes a little too hard. God, you're gonna be such a-


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[Assistant] Thanks for being part of the community. Atiba's at the Olympics, man. He is! Atiba's at the Olympics! Let's talk about it on-


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[Assistant] Well, remember that wild ass story? Dolph, like, fended off, uh, like, intruder in his home, so...


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[Assistant] Guys, we should all take, uh, a group vacation together. And I'm dead serious about this. I was just in Mexico, Chloe and I were looking for wedding venues because our, uh,


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[Assistant] Our wedding venue here in California just up and canceled all events for 2021. So that's sick. Sick butthole. And uh, so we go down to Mexico, nobody's there.


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[Assistant] It's a fucking empty resort. There was like, there's like 170 rooms at this resort and there's maybe 10 rooms full and it was insane. And everybody's like, it's the most socially distanced I've been since this whole goddamn thing started, including inside of my house.


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[Assistant] We went to Punta Mita, which is beautiful and like no one knows about it, which is awesome. And then we went to Cabo and that was a little more crowded, but still not bad at all. Isn't Punta Mita


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was super, uh, super gorge.


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[Assistant] So, we're, yeah, we might get married there, we might get married in, uh, Cabo, we don't know, but it was, I was like, the whole time I'm there, I'm like, oh, why have I been in...


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[Assistant] Like, why is anyone in LA? Just fuckin' escape from LA.


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[Assistant] Get away, like the rest of the world, you can be away from people. And you can be in paradise.


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[Assistant] I know, that's what was cool about, dude, that's what was cool about Punta Mita. It was like, add a nice resort, right? Like it's a nice, uh, quality resort. It's a St. Regis. It's like.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. And, uh, beers were four dollars. American.


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[Assistant] Really? Yeah, I think we're spreading some false information, I bet.


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[Assistant] I went there, I had to lock it down for a couple weeks.


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[Assistant] I told Chloe on more than one occasion how much I think Blake would love Mexico. I'm saying specifically Punta Mita because it felt, it didn't feel Cabo, just felt like Southern California. I was like, Oh, this is right.


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[Assistant] That's where I think it is. All those words that you just said sound real to me and I 100% believe you Kyle.


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[Assistant] Well, I made the mistake when I went down there and then it was like this awesome like taco.


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[Assistant] Uh, stand on the beach. So we're like at the resort. So we're sitting there and it was like, it's beautiful, the sun's setting, the birds are cuckooing and uh,


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[Assistant] Like we each have one and then we like kind of trade. Oh damn. And so we marched down the list of like legit, maybe almost 20. We didn't do it exact count. I was just eyeing it.


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[Assistant] I've never experienced that. Normally my, I can shake off a hangover within a couple hours. It was like a day and a half.


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[Assistant] I did a body weight workout on the, um, on the beach and was just like, and then, uh,


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[Assistant] And see that, and that's for the youth of America. If you feel bad, just keep drinking. Allegedly.


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[Assistant] I flew into there because we had to, when we went from Punta Mita to Cabo, there was no direct flight. You had to fly, weirdly you had to fly all the way to Mexico City and then turn around and fly all the way.


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[Assistant] Uh, don't go man, just from the...


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[Assistant] Well, it was gigantic. It was like, it's huge. It's like 15 million people, right? Like when you fly into LA, you can see the outskirts of LA. I mean, it's far, but you're like, oh, this is a giant city, but you could see it. You could see the mountains.


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[Assistant] They're not even like mini skirts? Zero skirts. It just kept going. Uh, I haven't spent a lot of time in Mexico. I didn't know how much of it was really a thing. The guy when we were, uh,


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[Assistant] The car service that took us from the hotel to the resort was like, do you guys want to go to the pharmacy?


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[Assistant] I'm, I don't, you know, I'm like not a pill guy, so I don't even know that that's a thing. So I was like...


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[Assistant] Uh, and Chloe needed like toothpaste. She forgot toothpaste. So I'm like, I guess, yeah, if it's on the way, we'll stop. And, uh, and so he's like, I got you. And he took us there. No toothpaste. And it's just like a wall of drugs. And then they hand me a, a menu and I was like,


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[Assistant] They had everything, dude. They had Xanax, which I've never really fucked with, but I know people love. They had pain pills that I don't fuck with, but like, I know people do. And then they had steroids, which I was like, ooooh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they had dick pills. They for sure had dick pills. Yeah, I was like, oh. Alright.


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[Assistant] I only like them because I have had obviously a lot of injuries to my bodies. I don't, I only like them for the first few days when the pain is like intolerable, but then after that I don't like feeling


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[Assistant] I'm already a certain amount of dumb and I feel like pain pills dumb you down even further and I'm like I'm not trying to go to like true ignoramus levels. I like to keep my level of dumb.


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[Assistant] Seventeen. Yeah, you were a kid, so. Uh, I was like, because the list was fucking extensive, and Chloe was like, yeah, let's get out of here. What are we doing? We have margar- It was like right when we first got to Mexico, now we're just in this pharmacy instead of on a beach, and she's like, let's get out of here, and I'm like, hang on.


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[Assistant] I'm reading this, I'm reading this list. Uh, I was like, you can get true steroids. I was thinking maybe we all, uh, I'd bring them back and as like a, uh, uh, you know, kind of a fun thing that we do on the podcast. We all take steroids for a month and see, uh, who has the biggest arms and limbs.