[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's weird though, like the music in the 90s was different, right? Especially like at the start of the 90s, but then even going through all throughout the 90s, I feel like music was just so kind of dark and aggressive in the 90s, wasn't it? More so than it is now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and like the elements of this exist, but like it's all, the scenes are a lot more fragmented than they would be in the 90s, right? Yeah, that's what it is, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been, I think there's been a bigger broadening of identity now as well. Cause I feel like you can be the punk guy who kinda likes 80s synth and, but likes to dress it in a certain way or whatever. Like there's like a, it's a lot more broad than it was. Like I feel like in the 90s you,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got into a group that listen to a certain thing and you you just really embrace that and that was it you know like you wouldn't you would do anything else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It hasn't been, uh, it hasn't been on for two years because of Covid and restrictions and stuff, but it's back in full force this year. Local groups of people put together these big parade floats and decorate them with flower petals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mostly. They theme them and uhm, and then they parade them up and down the avenue for two hours and they're judged at the end and there's a winner and everybody gets to watch this happen and it's good fun. There's like a uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, who appears on a, on a float and is selected throughout the year and stuff. There's, it's like all these like old- There's like a Miss Battle and a Mr. Battle is there. Miss Battle, that's it. Yeah. Mr. Battle. There's no Mr. Battle. Mr. Battle is normally...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, some celebrity that's flown in from, uh, the UK, like, uh, you know, but like it would be like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Will Young or like, uh, you know, one of the guys from EastEnders or whatever, you know, like the current EastEnders heartthrob or something like that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they just kinda stand up there, uh, you know, like Henry Cavill, but I don't think they'd be able to get Henry Cavill now. Cause he's like, he's too, uh, he's too prime time, right? He's too big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so it would be something like that, but uhm, so my son was like insistent that he wanted like a Hawaiian shirt with matching shorts, like to wear. Okay. And also insistent that I got a matching shirt like to his, so I have to wear a Hawaiian shirt as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's gonna be like 30 degrees today, we have a one year old, like I don't know how any of this is gonna work, but uh, it's uh, cause we gotta, we're just gonna be sitting in like the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blazing hot sun for two hours, like, during like the sun's prime time, watching floats on a parade, and... With flowers. Yeah. Sounds great. Sounds wholesome as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it, yeaah. It all feeds back into your, your ideal local town. Maybe there'll be some people playing like Warhammer board games somewhere as well in the town hall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. It's good to have us all back together. I've missed it. I know. There's some more summer vacations coming up soon, but, uh, not as bad as like the, what is it, like three weeks or four weeks almost with all the trips and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five years, right? Cause it's how many episodes? 200?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty good. And? What's your takeaway at the end of it all? What do you think? Kill me. Kill you. You're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, for me, like all the stuff that like, the best stuff is, is, is the easy stuff for me. Like I just feel like, you know, like the stuff that you just take in your stride, you know, like the stuff you don't even realize you're doing, but somebody will turn around and be like, how do you do that every day? And you're like, oh yeah, I guess I do that every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those are, those are like the best things, right? The things you don't have to think about. Cause then you just spend like less time thinking, overthinking, thinking, like analyzing, like what you're doing and more time just doing it as long as you're having fun, right? Like it's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's really satisfying actually because you, you, you get to the end, you're like, oh yeah, like this, this great thing has happened and I didn't even really realize it, but now I'm realizing it and, but I, I appreciate it sort of thing, right? I think if I worked a normal job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, day to day, uh, my life would be super different, right? I'd be probably really unhappy, probably really, uh, feel like I, like everything is more difficult, right? Like you have to wake up at a certain time. You have to go get out of your house by a certain time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've got kids that you need to like manage around all of that stuff as well. So I guess like for me, I'm just grateful that I don't have to do any of that stuff. You know, I can just, I live at my own pace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that has come easy for me. And when I look back, I just think that's great. Like, uh, I'm really, really one of the lucky ones, right? Like to be able to look back and say that. I don't think I'm necessarily good at anything, but I think I'm- Well no, but you must be. The things you do every day are the things- I think I'm good at chilling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I hope so. I saw a picture on Reddit today of a guy, it was like an old grandpa, playing what looked like Crusader Kings 3 on, I'm not even joking, it had to have been a 60 inch television screen. And he was sitting like right up next to it, forming the German Empire, and I thought,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they mostly acapella? Like, are they like a barbershop quartet sort of thing? Yeah, kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, those songs work so well with visuals, but when you just listen to them on their own, they're not as great, right? They could be great if you sort of use them as music to like a story from a book or something like that, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a lot more impactful with the visuals, right? And like the, the sort of like setting. I mean, also it's been composed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, another thing I've been doing a lot recently on Spotify is, uh, is listening to, um, this is lists, you know, like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like the auto compiled best of things for like per artist or band. Yeah. Because like I've recently I've had to take my son and my middle daughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, to a lot of like parties and stuff like that which is required, you know, car trips. Not super long car trips, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So every time we go in the car, I load up a, this is, of a, of like a classic artist, right? Like, uh, because I want them to like, you know, experience like, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've had, uh, this is Electric Light Orchestra, which is, which is pretty good. Uh, this is Blondie. This is Madonna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is Michael Jackson, like we've had some, we've had some classics and the common theme with all of these like the big hit songs that like my kids probably have heard on the radio or whatever, my son will always say, oh, I know this song, it's in Splatoon 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that's a sign of the time though? Like the way that we consume media is so different now, you know, whereas before it was kind of prescribed to you that this person is famous, this person is popular, this person sees all of this airtime on things like MTV and commercial radio and stuff, but there's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So many other outlets to consume media now that I don't think you can measure them the same anymore, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think we, I don't think as a society anymore we, like I think about this from time to time and you, when you look back at some of the people who were very famous and stuff,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's different to what it is now, and I think there's a lot more emphasis on the way you look and your lifestyle nowadays, right? Because I feel like a long time ago, you would have had somebody who had a raw talent, like musically or whatever,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But didn't have the looks for it? Like Elton John, for example, is a really good example of this, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not like an oil painting, and he never was one, right? But his musical talent was incredible. He was never pitched at teenage girls, that's right. No, he never was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is pretty sensational, right? Like, his music has reached...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but, well, they were, they, they, they were, like, for sure sought after, but they kind of, uhm, in a way, like, and, and probably a couple bands before them, though, but they, they, they, they probably in a roundabout way, uh, sort of created the notion of, like, uh, you know, like a boy and, uh, and a girl band, right? Like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I know, but no, but not, nobody as like, uh, as, uh, hugely like, like Beatomania was, was, was one of a kind, right? Like you, you never really had that with a band before, I don't think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and uhm, and maybe a couple of others or whatever, but nowadays you have all sorts, right? Like you have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in our world for example, which I know is a small part of the like overall world, but like, you know, like on YouTube or Twitch or whatever, you have, you know, like the top 10 YouTubers or top 10 streamers and stuff, you know, and you could argue that they're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think, I think uhm, again, it was such a, it was so simplistic back then as well. You, you, you, your PR people uhm, sold this idea of you to the, like you know, commercial radio or to like MTV or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's because there's so many, like again, it's a much larger pool, right? And, and I think it makes it harder, you know, like, I mean, like a lot of people want to become streamers or want to become YouTubers or whatever. And I, and I, I guess that a lot of them run into the exact same problem where it's just, it's hard to grow, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's because there's just so much more out there that people are already watching or used to watching or style that they become used to watching or whatever. And like I think, you know, coming back to this idea of like a PR person or whatever, I had imagined that those jobs are really hard nowadays because you're


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not looking at one big chunky demographic. You're, you're trying to like look at lots of little ones, I feel like. You know? Because there's so much choice. Everybody just wants, and uh, wants to be unique with what they're watching and listening to and stuff as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I haven't even heard of half of the people that they're saying are celebrities. I know. And like, and when it comes to it, it's like, oh yeah, he was a contestant in a reality show. Okay, but come on, that's not actually a celebrity, like, get, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Eminem, right? Eminem's probably big enough to be, to be known. I'd imagine that a tribe out there in south- Eminem? Eminem? See, he's pretty big, man. He's not my cup of tea, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not one thing. I invested in five NFTs this week alone, so I'm gonna have to say disagree with Kanye. What'd you get? Uhm, I bought a animated gif of a cat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tracer fanart, uhm, what else did I get? Some, lots of Overwatch porn. I feel like it's gonna get even bigger than it already is, so, gotta make sure. Wanna hit the ground floor, yea. With all that, with all those, with those images that now, I now own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks. I'm going to will them to my children one day as well so that they can enjoy them too. Here's my whole collection of NFTs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All public available data, right? Yeah, of course. You could just, uh, like Plane Finder, right? You could probably just figure it out by looking on Plane Finder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like the movie, uh, like Diary of a Wimpy Kid Summer Vacation, like where everybody is using radios, like, okay Tim, I'm going to bed now, okay night Mindy, they've got their fucking radios next to their bed and stuff, or like the Wonder Years, it sounds like something out of the Wonder Years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, can we change topic very quickly, not because I'm uncomfortable with it, but because I would like to talk about that fucking documentary on Netflix, The Puppet Master, that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's bizarre, it's kinda unbelievable, and uhm, and it feels like you're watching an episode of Rip Off Britain, but like, uh, like an extended version or something. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh that, was it like the Tinder, Tinder something? Yea, what's he, what's that fucking called? Tinder guy something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, I can't remember. He was actually convicted, right? Like, he went to jail. Well, no, he didn't. Oh, he didn't? Oh, right. Spoilers. Shows how much I know about the subject.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dating sites seem to be some sort of like, grooming ground for them, for sure, nowadays, but. There's definitely a lot of creepy people out there, but this guy particularly. This guy that the documentary is about, it's not, it's not really creepy, it's just a bit weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His thing is that he tells people that he's an MI5 agent, which is like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who was a student when she first got mixed up with this guy. So his whole thing was,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was working at a, at a pub nearby this like, uh, agricultural school and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the students was regularly going in and just sort of got to know him over time. And then one day he's like, oh, by the way,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this isn't my real job. I'm not really who I say I am. I'm an MI5 agent and I'm here, uh, investigating possible like, uh, IRA cells, like in the local area. And we think that like you're in danger and there's an IRA cell working in your school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna train you in like combat and stuff. And then, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna sort this out. And so this guy had two roommates, two female roommates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Living with them and so they just decide one day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To convince them to come on this road trip with us and, uh, and then we're gonna, we're gonna flee here and we're gonna get you to a safe spot and figure it out sort of thing. My, my superiors are telling me to do this. So he's like, okay, fine. I'll do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he does it, he tells the roommates that he's like, he's got terminal cancer, and he's got this bucket list of places he wants to see all over the UK, and uh, let's go now, cause I don't have long left to live or whatever, so these girls are like, well shit, yeah, okay, let's go, like I can't believe you're gonna die, this is so sad, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, so they hit the road across the UK and this goes on for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might be over-emphasizing the ten into the mic. Ten years it goes on for. And uhm, and he fleeces them and their families for hundreds of thousands of pounds in the process as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Always like they go to like a safe house, they just live like he just controls every aspect of their life, you know, like where they work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's done a bit of research ahead as well, where he knows that the family has a bit of money or some inheritance or something, that he can then convince them to sort of pay out to one of the people that he's coercing or whatever. Yeah. It's insane. It's just insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goes off with them. He, he sort of socially manipulates your house situation to a point where your kids just want to move out because it's, it's impossible. Like he's not, I don't know if he's being like physically abusive in any of these cases, but definitely like mentally manipulative and abusive and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So these kids just eventually think, I have to move out or whatever, and he completely isolates the mum from like the rest of the family, and she's still alive, like she's out there, but she just like, doesn't interact with her family whatsoever now. Like it's- Sorry PFLAX, I know this is stressing you out. What? It's stressing you out talking about this stuff. No, I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's very hard to prove any sort of illegality there, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like a sexy Ferrari and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He bought the, uh, this, this woman that he's, uh, that he met on the dating app or whatever. His big thing was that he was like rich and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a lot of money and everything. And uh, so he bought, he bought her like a brand new Audi when they first got together. And she was like, wow, I can't believe like top of the line, brand new Audi. And then it transpires years later, they look into it and like, he just financed it in her name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they just, they did, yeah, they fled. I don't think they even live in the country anymore, right? Cause they, I think they just created so many debts and problems and stuff that they just had to leave. It's wild. It's, it's, it's insane. Like maybe watch it and see what you think. It's like, it's not that long. It's like three, three parts. It's like three hours long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a local one that was just like kind of, you know, catering to like nostalgia or whatever. It was open and it was like kind of a, I don't know if it's still open or not, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was one of those, it was like, you know, for people who really like going to drive throughs from, from, you know, days, days gone or whatever. So yeah, we went to go see it at a drive through. It was pretty, it was pretty good. You had to like, you had to like hook up the thing to your car stereo and just sit in your car and watch it move.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, let me share with you my blast from the past before we finish up. Okay. Uhm, I walk into my living room the other day and, uh, fucking Fraggle Rock is on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same music and everything. Lots of the same puppets. It sounds like the same voice actors, but it's not, probably not possible, but it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not even in a museum. Imagine in like a couple of thousand years though, like uh, you know, it comes full circle and the next Indiana Jones movie is about that burger and fries, like that's like the Lost Ark or whatever. Oh my god, Nick Cage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what the fuck was her name again? Uh, Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Around two years ago, I was listening to the trifles podcast, around episode 80 or something, and you were having a talk about older cars and how reliable they are. Now, right away, I'm pretty sure this was more recent than two years ago, but we'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's air pressure builds up because the water is displacing the air, and it comes out of these trumpets to go DOO DOO!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's move on to the next one. This is from Euan. Uh, and this is, this is one of my favorite Triforce emails yet. Uh, slipped over in the shower, tried to grab the water on the way down. That's, that's the whole email.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are all portable toilet, outdoor portable toilet related stories, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you Lachlan, who is himself Australian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I said, the place is definitely old so I'm sure it's been there since Sips was a kid. Wanted to know if you'd heard of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, we, we had a place like that and took him until very, well, a couple of years ago. It got shut down because they had rats in the kitchen and the health inspector said, you gotta shut this down. You guys are done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't listen. Don't be specific about which episode, because we don't remember and we don't care, alright? Just say, you guys mentioned, and we might remember that, but we don't need specific details of episode numbers. I get a lot of emails that start off that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the other thing is, I feel like when we, when we think about retro gaming, when I think back to, there was a certain period, and I think it was around that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you go to CX and you look in the Wii section, it's like the bargain bin. I mean, you can get, but everything's there. And the games are still good enough that even though you've played a modern console or a really good modern PC game,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These games are still great games. And they're not so dated that you're like, oh my god, this is agonisingly ugly and painful. So, I think it's a really good idea for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, Halfway 2 was astounding. Well, I was living here. I wanna see 2003? 4?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from J.S. Lewis, who's done some animations of the Triforce, so I think it would be nice to read some, uh, an email out. My old friend Peter, this is where you were talking about things that kids were forced to study.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's also, a lot of chess is about study. In fact I'd say the bulk of it is about study. Studying opening moves, studying responses, watching games, seeing what people did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, he says that they'll be studying abroad in the fall in England, they're an American college student, and they'll be doing a research project on places in the UK wracked by industrial blight in the North and the Midlands while I'm over in your lovely country. Well, if we could think of places in the UK, I'm sure there are a bunch of British listeners here saying, oh, fuck it, oh mate, you should try coming to Scarborough or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, places that I think are historically racked by industrial blight would be the whole of the northeast. I think that would be a pretty good place to start. Places like Middlesbrough and Sunderland, uhm, that have just been decimated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they were just in general big industrial centers. I mean, if you go around the Midlands itself, um, I know Sheffield is a really good example, cause I mean, when I went there, although people always tell you, oh, there's some nice bits of Sheffield. When you've lived in the South, your whole- I hope you're not knockin' Sheffers. Live. I am gonna knock Sheffield. I'm gonna tell you- They're Sheffers. They're Sheffers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was once a thriving industrial city and has now fallen on the hardest of times that you could see somewhere like that fall on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone like Skegness is a good example. These were places that were once seen as like holiday resorts for the North and people would go there and they were, you know, thriving towns and like that. I mean, Booth's from Blackpool, isn't she? She's always saying how shit it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not great. Like these areas that used to be British holiday resorts, people can now get a cheap flight to Spain and they do that rather than go on holiday in the UK. So those towns have suffered greatly as well. So there's not just industrial, but tourism based places that were coastal and have fallen on very hard times. Uh, and they all seem to be in a big, big line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you can draw a pretty straight line between Blackpool and Skegness and I'd say everywhere around there has suffered greatly, so that's an answer to that question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't know if Sweden, did Sweden do something with games? Because any Swedes, go ahead and write in, because I know that whenever I go to Stockholm, there's a ton of games companies in Stockholm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a lighter note, this is one, this is more of a visual email, so it'll require my narration skills for you guys, because it involves a photograph. We spoke about sheds and the difference between whether a shed


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said that there was a difference between a shed that's a dump, where you just put things, and one that is a well-appointed and well-tended workshop, which is quotes, so I must have said that. So this is from Charlie, and Charlie has sent in a picture. Now I'm gonna describe this shed to you guys, okay? Can you just post it in Discord so we can see it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just to describe this to listeners, this is, if I picture a shed, and most, especially in Britain I would say, the, cause I mean maybe in the rest of Europe you have the same kind of sheds, the kind of shed that I'm talking about which just uses a dump, it's got a lawnmower and it's got a big pitchfork in and stuff, is barely tall enough to stand up in, they're normally made of what looks like really cheap, dark,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no movement, yeaah. Once you put a couple of large things in there, you're in big trouble. You couldn't comfortably fit a bicycle in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easy. This is, this is, uh, this is from Dan, and I suppose this will be the last one, and uh, it's quite the image. So, I recently got the flooring done in my house. By the way, Dan, when you send emails, if you could use black text instead of very light grey text on a white background, I'd appreciate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was one of those guys, I mean if I start to bend over, I know if some of my arse is showing or not. I don't know if your job involves so much bending down you just end up not giving a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let me tell you, he's gonna run through some sets, he's gonna run through a few batteries, because this was a big ol' ass. I don't know if the portable arse trimmer would be able to cover it. You'd need a fucking lawnmower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all plumbers. Well, if you wanna be a plumber, mate, first things first, let's have a look at your arse crack. No, that's much too low.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've heard about that they cut the, the bone and then you can gradually extend it a tiny bit at a time because if you cut the leg bone


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then move it slightly apart with like pins. The bone will, will mesh thinking, oh, we're broken. We better grow some more bone. If you keep doing that, you can stretch your legs, but don't, don't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then you've got these fucking spidery long legs. Listen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is not for a chance to be on the first team of people landing on an alien world or something amazing, this is to be a fucking fly attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure they would, but I'm just saying, you know. Uhm, so, there were a lot of other strip ones that, a lot of the emails are much too long, I appreciate them. Look, we've got, we're going away for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not trying to be choosy, I'm just trying to give you guys advice about getting your email read out. If the first paragraph is you telling us how often you've listened to the podcast, all that, really appreciate that, but it's not getting read out, so don't bother typing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in my prepper, I'm in my prepper bunker with all my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be pretty incredible. Alright, I gotta pee, I'll be right back. Alright bud. Alright, you do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bumblebees. Bumblebee, big one. I like him a lot, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like a very forgettable face. Gosh, that's not nice to say, but I find Ben actually has a very memorable face. I actually think that Ben reminds me a bit of Bruno from the Dota scene, y'know? They share similarities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it feels that way though at the time though, right? A break up at that age feels like kind of devastating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have the experience. You don't have the life experience. But let me tell you this, my friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be like watching TV in my underpants even more than I do now. I'd be eating sun chips on the sofa, which I'm not allowed to do now. I'd be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't take it too seriously, especially at that age. Just get in with a good group of people, have some fun, you know, see where life takes you and then you can meet somebody else probably and then settle down or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, nothing's written in stone at that age for sure. It does get harder as you get older for sure, but, uh, 2021 come on, man, just, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just don't think about it too much. Sometimes things just happen as well, you know, you just gotta be out there. Have you ever had a breakup? Eyes review? No. In my teens, but like, none- none- none so devastating that were like, you know, I didn't- I- I wasn't- oh shit, Terry's just flipped over, hang on, I just gotta flip him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody handles things differently as well. I think the main thing to take note of is, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to be emotional about it. It is an emotional thing, right? Like, if it knocks you for a day, for a week, or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, then, then that's what it is, you know what I mean? Like you just gotta, you just gotta work through it and just get to the other side and get to the better spot, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Particular, uh, teenage breakup that I had. Again, I didn't really take it too bad and I don't think the other person took it too bad either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I remember, uhm, at the time, and maybe this is me like, uh, wise beyond my years or whatever, I just like, I, I, I was like, maybe like a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, time to play some Pharaoh. I sat around in my underpants for like a whole weekend. Just, uh, just no-lifing this game. And, uh, and at the end I felt great. So, I dunno. Play some Pharaoh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, okay, whatever. If you barge in the room and somebody is just fucking balls deep, uh, unclogging the drain sort of thing. Legs all over the place, sweat. Legs all over the damn place, it stinks. Like, that's different, right? That's gonna hit you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever just eaten your lunch standing up before? You're like, I'm sick of sitting down, I'm gonna stand up today. I think he might have been sat down, but I think he jumped up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] DJs all the time. It just gets blown all the damn time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, I've definitely, I've never, like, barged in on somebody, uh, mid, uh, mid-deed, but I've definitely heard a lot. Way more than I care to, uh, to, to remember, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate the thought of that, I just feel like that's so uhm, I don't know, like the whole idea of it just makes me feel like a bit sick kind of, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In this, in the same, uh, in the same, uh, vein of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would actually, yeah. Like, it's just, I think it's that mass consensual, you know, like, like, 13 people all consenting to one thing? I just call bullshit. Like, it just, it never happens, right? Yeah, it's weird. It's too weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, in the same way that House of Dragons being a prequel, well, definitely a prequel, uhm, I've been watching Catching Up on Better Call Saul, which is also the same, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I mean, I enjoy it. I really like the whole sort of, uhm, you know, Breaking Bad universe that's been created. Me too. Yea, it's good. And elaborated on and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one thing that always gets me with prequels, if you think about it hard enough, like there's no uhm, there's not really any surprises, right? Like something's happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's it, because you're like, okay, well, I know that this person survives, like, this is interesting, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no, uhm, there's not really much consequence involved, right? Like, at worst, this person is gonna get injured and then recover, probably. You know? But like, I think that's my only thing. Like, I think it's brilliant. I think the whole thing has been really good. I've really enjoyed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't gotten to those yet, actually. I'm just arriving at them now. I just watched the last, uhm, in the past episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, now I have four episodes of black and white Jean who works at Cinnabon, which I'm looking forward to. But yeaah, that's my only, that's my only real sort of, uh, criticism, I guess, of, uh, prequel stuff, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, I've really enjoyed it. It hasn't taken away any enjoyment. I thought it was amazing, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like a joke, it sounds like a joke. Well, it could be, it's either this or stand up kimono blowjob man, so take your pick, you know? Like, pick your poison. Right. That's the youth of these- well, actually, no, that was the youth of your time, I guess, Lewis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe a sibling or a parent or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody that took them to some of these places in the first place, which, and then they stuck, you know what I mean? Like, you don't just rock up at a small town and then just decide, okay, time to fit in. Where's the, where's the local, where's the, where's my Spotify 70s music? Yeah, exactly. Like it's all, it's all, it's a slow process of being sort of, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From an audience member, yeaah. It's sweet. I mean, I got some free Manscaped stuff, including a pair of underpants, really soft underpants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they just try to create more work for themselves because it's so easy to drive over there. There's nothing to really teach. It's just like, uh, cause they use automatic cars too, right? So it's just like, all right, put your foot on the pedal. Now drive straight for 800 miles. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you wanna learn how to drive, I feel like they should have a system where they fly people over to Jersey and just do like a one week intensive, where you're just driving all day every day. If you wanna learn how to drive, come over here and learn how to drive, cause it's fucking crazy over here driving. I know, it's fucking mental. Like I think if you can drive here, you can fucking drive here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because all of the roads were designed for like one farmer with a horse and a cart to, uh, to take his goods to, to market once a year. Uh, and then they just kind of paved them over and said, okay, now these are four lane roads. And everybody just sort of said, holy shit. So you got to like pull into fields to let people go buy on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the fact that you can just jump on those things and not wear a helmet and stuff though is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I mean, it sucks, but honestly, like it's no, no surprise either. Like it's a, it's a wonder that it doesn't happen way more often, or maybe it's just, you don't hear about it too much, but I think they are pretty dangerous, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big up to Caleb for his service on this special. That's the big up. Caleb gets the big up for his service. Thanking you for your service.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you should start a TV show called Danglin', where you just go and wash like extreme windows in all these dangerous cities. You can go to like fuckin' Honduras and stuff and just clean some windows there. Danglin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, even in the documentary you can tell they didn't give a shit. All they were concerned with was covering themselves. They were doing fucking the most ridiculous mental gymnastics around every goddamn thing that happened to help them sleep better at night. It's insane. I think anybody who knew anything about it could see that as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were also trying to make it seem like it was uhm, you know, like, you know, a couple of assholes doing it. Which, sure, everywhere there's gonna be a couple of assholes, right? Like that's, it's not...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially nowadays, yeaah. But I mean, I've been to, I've been to festivals before, like I've been to Reading, I've been to V Festival, like I've been to big outdoor uh, concerts and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to the V Festival in, it must have been like 2005? 2006 maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the, it was the year that, uh, the Pixies were playing. They did a reunion tour and they played the V Festival. And the Strokes- I didn't see them that year. The Strokes headlined as well. We stuck around for that too. This was a different year. Yeah. And then I think the year before that we went to Reading where- So that looks like 2004.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, um, I think maybe, I think I went to Reading and maybe it was 2003 where Blur had come back and they were headlining, but also, uh, one night you had Metallica, Linkin Park, Blink 182,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and a couple other bands. I mean, it was a fairly busy weekend, like I didn't even see every show, but to be fair, I didn't want to see every show. I just went to see like, I wanted to see like Blur and The Strokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like even like the sec- the security, they didn't have proper security detail, they just hired a bunch of kids and said we'll give you 500 bucks to be security for the weekend. Right, exactly, ridiculous. It's crazy, like I, you know, it's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, you probably remember seeing the footage of Green Day back before Green Day were, were super duper popular, like they are now or whatever. Uhm, but Green Day playing on a stage and like tons of clumps of mud being thrown at them and the lead singer puts like a big clump in his mouth. Like it's, it's a fairly famous clip, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole thing was, uh, again, just a mess, like they didn't have proper anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the weather was terrible, so there was just mud everywhere and people, it was just like mudslides all over the place. People were throwing clumps of mud at the stage. They couldn't, uhm, they couldn't properly fence in the whole event, so in the end they just had like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A thousand percent more people than capacity because people are just breaking the fences down and walking in and stuff. Like, uh, it was a disaster. It was, it was amazing that they even tried to do another one after that. It went so badly. But then sure enough, five years later, they tried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Were they, were they in Vanier? Actually, you know what? Vanier used to be kind of rough. I don't know if it still is, but it was like known as like kind of a rougher part of town. But may, you know, with gentrification and stuff, maybe it's like up and coming and become like a, you know, some Bohemian paradise or whatever. But, um, back in the day it was pretty rough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wager that this experience took place in Vanier, but I could be wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I am not. He can't, he can't, he can't put in measures to combat the scalpers, unfortunately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know what that translates into in, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the size of like a KitKat segment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's still scouring though, he's still at it, he's still looking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bimmy Button they're called in Dorset. Is there, wait, I always thought, I didn't think it was, maybe I'm wrong though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You never know what you're gonna get, I guess. It's like life is a box of chocolates. Life is a sperm bank. You never know what you're gonna get. That's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. Yeah, I'm also fascinated by it, but it's also something I never want to do in my whole life. I haven't had to do it yet, so there's a good chance I make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Terry flipped onto his back, so that means that this has been the best episode we've ever done. Boom. So there you go. Fantastic news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reading, reading the mailbag, uh, I, I was going over it this morning. I, I had some queued up for an old mailbag, I don't think we ever did, but I found some newer ones. I would say around a third of the emails I've had in the last couple of weeks have been complaints about the, uhm, rating things episodes that we did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For example, this is just an example. This is from Tom. Hello, Tom here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just finished listening to the Triforce bonus episode released this week. As such, my big up of the year goes to whoever came up with the idea, and then he leaves a big gap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People complained that the crafting table wasn't in there. That was quite a big one. I think there was even a thread about it on the subreddit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what, that's interesting, because we have an email here from Dan, uhm, that in fact talks about things we've spoken about before. Now, cast your mind back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This person claimed authority by stating they had listened through all the podcasts, leaving you Lewis and Sips to discuss how confusing it all was and that you had sadly been mistaken.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about flushing out the pipes, I have an email here from, from Zara.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would chuck a, chuck a segue in there that doesn't work and hope people didn't notice. Here's from Zaro. We spoke about Jehovah's Witnesses relatively recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, this got way longer than I meant for it to, so here's a brief TLDR. Uhm, so I'm gonna skip the TLDR because it is actually quite interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uh, actually I'll give it to you just to set it up. So I hope this is when it says are doing door-to-door preaching again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are forced to do it, and not doing it can end up with you being punished by your congregation elders and shunned by the congregation. Shunned. Shunned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jehovah's Witnesses have come up in passing a couple of times on the podcast recently, more specifically Door to Door Preaching. As an ex Jehovah's Witness myself, I thought I'd email him with insight, which may find interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so, depending on your level of interest in cults, that's their choice of terminology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In short, they have started preaching again. They picked up last autumn, after a two and a half year long hiatus, thanks to Covid. During lockdown, they mostly relied on sending letters and magazines. If they have not knocked on your door yet, then unless you're on a do not call list, it will most likely be because they haven't reached your part of town yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] JW congregations cover a particular area which is divided up into territories. They have maps of these territories and their territory maps include every single street and building. As far as I'm aware, they've worked their way through them in order, so they probably just haven't reached your territory yet, or they missed you out by mistake, in which case, praise be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perian said something about how he thought the absence of JWs was due to lack of interest in preaching. While it may be the case that people in younger generations aren't as enthusiastic as their elders, uhm, Lewis was right that they were essentially forced into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So whether or not people enjoy it has little to do with it. I hated it when I was in, but still had to go to keep up appearances and prevent people asking questions. If you don't go out, at least semi-regularly on the ministry, JWs will brand you as spiritually weak and a bad influence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Second of all, I don't think it matters to them, essentially, if they convert you or not. Their mission is to spread the word and then it's up to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leaping at people's houses all the time. Did any of us grow up in a really rough area?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't know what's happened to the upside down these days, it's gone, no, topsy turvy, isn't it? This is from Ashley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is another JW, which is Jehovah's Witness, JW. Just a further, uh, you were correct in assuming the COVID pandemic brought an end to this, ex-JW, blah, blah, blah. This is the interesting bit. Another interesting impact of COVID was that it changed their view of the internet. When I was growing up, the internet was an evil thing full of lies against the word of the true God, Jehovah. That's their word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They now livestream services to people who can't attend because of ill health and everything. So, they went from, the internet is wicked! To, shit, we've got no choice. The internet is wonderful! Uh, just because it goes. So I thought that was quite an interesting change. Well, good for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where, uh, this guy, Larry Kleist, uh, is a rapist and he has court ordered, he has the guy walk around with him all the time. RAPIST! RAPIST COMING THROUGH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's John Ritter? You've never seen Three's Company? No dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see. No, I'm sorry I didn't. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Alright, this is a good one, this is from D. Uh, Tyrion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you might find this a cool story to share, feel free to share it on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My office called a few minutes after I found it and told me what they heard from their own devices from who planted the bug. They wanted to know, who's Dav? Is he a new contact? Who is this guy screaming at Dav?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm rushing to save Dav, who is fine. Oh thank goodness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This one, this one is just entitled Triforce, Michael Buble's Macbeth. The text reads, buble buble toil and trouble. That's all it says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me first say that I was very impressed by yours and Lewis's trivia knowledge on the Yolks channel stream this year. Well, thank you. I am 28 years old and have lived in many places for work and school including Toronto, Bristol, Dublin, and now Wisconsin for six years. Wow. I personally think Wisconsin has been the most fun of them all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a screenshot from their partner who was equally angered by Sips' comments. It's a picture of a series of filing cabinets. Kindly tell Sips I'm gonna shove my Wisconsin filing cabinet up his ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I realize, you know, we chuck out some pretty funny jokes and jokes here. We don't want to cause any problems, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this is from, uh, Jay. Uh, now, this guy recently quit his job, wants to remain anonymous. Sure. So I am gonna remove the name of the shop that he's talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, it's not Tesco, I'm not gonna say what shop it is. They worked this shop around


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They also use discounts to give you a first month or trial of the care plan, which literally covers nothing and is a direct debit that often runs for years without people noticing. Funnily enough, this shop is FDA regulated, meaning this type of activity is illegal, but when a mystery shopper comes in they ask such blatantly obvious questions as, can you print me out a quote for the care plan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Managers encourage this as a warranty that covers nothing, the original one doesn't cover, is extremely profitable and good for their bonuses. The delivery and installation guys have a target to be in and out of your house in 20 minutes. If you have something delivered and they convince you the bracket won't fit or there's an issue with installation,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's either because they can't be asked or they're behind target and have to rush anyway. And lastly, sadly, the staff no longer have any knowledge. Instead of being an expert on one section, the hiring scheme changed in favor of simple and compliant people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For staff to work all over the store, they have shitty little iPads they can read off. There are knowledgeable brand reps that work in the stores, but sadly they're being pushed out in favour of sponsored staff because it makes more money for them. If you do actually need help, do not go and talk to someone who doesn't want to speak to you and knows nothing about the issues you're having.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think a lot of people still do go in. Older people, I'd suggest. Uhm, people my age and older will go into a shop. Because they kind of want to see it, you know what I mean? Also, if you go to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go to Costco, they've got tellies fucking everywhere. There's like hundreds of tellies, they're enormous. Uhm, and if you, if you're a lucky person who can write off VAT, I guess you could probably claim the VAT back on it. But uhm, yeaah, there's loads of places that sell, uh, sell TVs and apparently people are buying them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about Coca Cola and Pepsi a while back. Yeah, right. This is from, uh, Amy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I work for a Coca Cola bottler in Florida, and thought you might find a few rules that they want us to follow interesting and funny. They're very intense about not supporting Pepsi or their line of products, for example.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're supposed to avoid restaurants that serve Pepsi. If you happen to find yourself at a restaurant that serves Pepsi, they'd rather you order a water or iced tea. Never walk into the office holding a Starbucks drink or a Gatorade sports drink, but it goes beyond drinks, it's also snacks foods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I recently made this mistake with Sabra Humus for lunch, so even after three years I'm still learning. Oh, and the Super Bowl is owned by Pepsi, so we refer to it as The Big Game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's more madness, but I think you get the gist. I will say it's a pretty interesting and fun place to work, even with the eccentricities. Also glad to hear you guys are Coke fans over Pepsi fans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a fairy liquid main, but Mrs. F has been buying, uh, this stuff, it's called like, it's some kind of a more environmentally friendly washing liquid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to find out, she says if anyone has an opinion, but I'm assuming Sibs, on Calgary, Alberta, or any tips on Canada living at all, I already know living above sea level and the winter will probably kill me, but no more than the heat in Florida already does, any advice is appreciated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, this is a terrific email that I've just received. This is, uh, this is for sips basically. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was great to hear you talk so positively about Bristol Zoo and Wild Place at the end of Triforce episode 225. I work there. It's fantastic. A few years ago, I was manning the door selling tickets when that large Canadian bloke you work with wandered up to my window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is from Ben. This is, this is something else. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This kid had been waiting for me to move past his classroom at the end of each of my classes. He also followed me around at lunchtime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I turned around to see this kid laughing as he just shoved his index and middle finger up my bum. I smashed my broom I had in my hand on the floor Gandalf style and shouted NO!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, here is the wiki article on Kancho. Kancho is a prank performed by clasping the hands together in the shape of an imaginary gun. So imagine if you put your palms together and then get those other fingers back, so you just got those...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a common prank among children in East Asian countries such as Japan. In Korea, it's called dongchim. In China, it's probably called... I'm gonna mispronounce this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Qianyan Sha, which is derived from the jutsu technique in the manga and anime series Naruto, in which it is known as Senen-Goroshi, meaning one thousand years of death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna skip this one from, uh, Clark, uh, cause he's just having a go at Sips having a go at Wisconsin again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At one of my previous jobs, sometimes you'd get sent to a site that is literally bare. No trees, no buildings, no shade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you're particularly unlucky, one giant foundation slab of concrete just reflecting all that heat back up at you. When it's cold, it's not so bad. You'll rug up. Ooh, I like that phrase. Rug up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as you get into it, it's quite refreshing once you begin to get warmed up. There's nothing nicer than a cool winter morning even if there's a slight drizzle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then jump straight in a hot shower once you get home. The real kicker is if you work in a union, this lad doesn't. These lads get it real easy if it rains. Rain drops, work stops as they say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard a union rep will hold a cigarette paper out, and if more than three drops of rain land on it, they'll call everyone out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think that's a Canadian thing? What's your, I mean, what's your, your family background is Polish, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll do that for next time, okay? So, this is from, um, Crabstack is the name they've gone by. Crabstack is clearly an active Jehovah's Witness, so, just to be fair, let's give their version of the event. You have spoken a few times in recent episodes about Jehovah's Witnesses and I thought I'd share what is actually happening, so bear in mind this is from their perspective.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Contrary to what a lot of people think, our preaching is not about seeing a return in our efforts or results we can derive. We spread a message of hope for the future. See, like I said, they just have to get the message out there, that's it. Right. They don't have to tick any box. And would they consider...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let us know, Crabstack. So uhm, in essence, Crabstack's take on Jehovah's Witnessing is completely different from the former Jehovah's Witnesses that you mailed in, so I would say you will have to draw your own conclusion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you so much. Thank you to everyone that emailed in. Uh, obviously I didn't read all of them out. Sometimes I have to clip some bits off them because they, it just sort of gets into talking about Shadow of Pluck and Ishrifel and I'm not gonna read that out every time. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about people who turn up at your door and drop off the, uh, the gift of, uh, knowledge of our Lord? Do you like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think COVID, uh, I think COVID like, yeah, well it didn't kill them off, but I think it just like, uh, put like a spanner in the works for them, you know? I think too many of them got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a, uhm, I've got basically the, uh, like a hole in the, in the ground in my front yard the size of a swimming pool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we're having an extension put in on the ground floor of our house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've had to dig like a big, big ass hole. But the, the weather's been terrible recently. There's been a lot of rain. And uh, the hole just keeps filling up with water. Like the guys will be working and it'll start raining.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You won't see them for the rest of the day. They come back the next day. There's just like fucking two feet of water in there. Like it's, it's pretty bad. It's made me realize that I would absolutely hate being a, uh, outdoor laborer, construction worker. It would fucking suck big time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's com- more comfortable for sure. Like, I think working outside in the summer is probably great, but like in the winter? No. I- I don't want to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, great. I won't say Sark, because I think there's like 10 people that live there. It's like, it's small, but like, it's not, it's not densely populated, you know? I think the population is dense, but I don't think it's pop- it has-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when you're in town, it's like, especially during like, uh, you know, busy periods, like lunchtime and stuff like that, it is very, very, very busy. No, but I mean, you can't even walk in Jersey like at lunchtime, it's so busy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Hey, speaking of football, not quite a football game, but uhm, me and my wife, we don't do much, you know, like we got too many kids and like there's not a lot of time to do stuff or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never been to Wembley Stadium, so I'm excited for that as well. Like, it looks pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, to see a show as well, I think it's gonna be great. I'm like really looking forward to it. And we get like a night away from home and uh, we've already got like my mother-in-law drafted in to look after all of our kids while we're away and stuff, it's gonna be great. Holy shit. Excited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if there's like a, you know, any excuse to light off a couple of fireworks as well, right? Like they get down there, they got their pimps out and they're lighting up fireworks and stuff, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, we're on location inside the, uh, newly opened Hooters in Liverpool. Um, uh, let's, let's, let's cut to Lewis. Lewis just got like a face full of tits, like he can't even muffle his speech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rogaine has like, uhm, like some, uh, some crazy, uh, stuff in it though that can make your like heart rate go up and stuff, right? Like you, you, if you're, if you're, if you've got like a weak ticker apparently you shouldn't use it or something. Like there's, there's some stuff in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the deal with Viagra though? Like, I know what it is, obviously, but I don't know much about how it works. Like, if you take a Viagra pill, do you just have a boner for like, hours, and it will not go away?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that even if you couldn't get one, this would just give you a boner. But like, you're stuck with it for hours, sort of thing. No, I don't think so. Until the drugs wear off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like you are just in hell if you get to a point in your life where your penis is ulcerated and emitting a foul smelling discharge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do you need to inject cocaine into your, like, if, if that's your lifestyle, the party lifestyle and stuff, just do cocaine normally and just have sex. Like it's, you know what I mean? It's, what's the, what's the, what's, like, how do you get to the point where you've decided that that's the next step?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose, but like, I don't know, I feel like if I was happy enough just doing that, I would just, you know, I wouldn't change it up much. You know, I'd get my cocaine, I'd find myself a sexual partner, and then I would just, I would go, go ham every time, you know, I'd just keep it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it consistent. I wouldn't wanna like, branch out too much. Start injecting things into my dangus and stuff. No thanks. This is great advice, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did uhm, wait, did you guys ever go down the rab- the buble rabbit hole about the, uh, the, the weird, the weirdness, the weirdness with buble? No, no, the, the more like the, uh, the domestic side of buble. No, I didn't. The dark side of buble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, he should stream on Twitch because people tell you you shit at everything all the time every day, like I think it would, I think he could thicken up his skin, you know, just like, just do a stint, you know, just like a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno. I plan on retiring, for sure. I just don't know how long we can stay even remotely relevant for. Like, it's, the space that we operate in is a young space, right? Like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, man, maybe, maybe there's like some weird, uh, space-time continuum, like a rift or something, and actually, this whole time, the spy house, you're looking through a portal and seeing my house in Jersey, because it sounds like they're having very similar works done to their


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not having a conservatory put in our UCS. No, no, no, not a conservatory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The 1980s, uh, it was a long time ago. I don't think anybody has them built anymore, conservatories, because they're, they're really, uh, energy inefficient, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just like, it's like a fucking black hole for uh, heat. For moolah. It just disappears in there. It just, it goes, it dissipates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does, but it's like, when I think of a conservatory, I think of that show, One Foot in the Grave, from like the late 80s, like early 90s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to retire though, like, and that's the whole premise of the show, it's that he's forced to retire, but then he's miserable because he just has fuck all to do. He's sitting around the house, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's right, yeah. It was a great show, it was really good. It was very fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I loved his, his wife was great. He was, the actor that played Victor Mildrew at the time was only in his 50s, like, uh, he's like, he's still going, he's like 86 now or something, he's like, or no, sorry, he might even be in his 90s, I might be wrong about that. Oh my god, you're right, he's 86! Yeah, there you go. Wow. Wow, there you go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. I like, I like, I like to have mini cheddars, you know, if they're around. Potato chips, you know, like the little grab bags of, uh, walkers, like, uh, salted or like, um, salt and vinegar or, uh, cheese and onion, you know, like you get those like six pack variety packs or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to the shop and you gotta co-op like right close to you, right? I'll have a boost for lunch. Go get a boost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, they're nice. Have you ever had a Snickers ice cream bar? Yeah, they're excellent. My kids love them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My kids don't like them, so we get them all the time. Like, they went trick-or-treating and they won't eat them, so it's just like free Mars bars, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was like the Puff Daddy Mace era, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bling era of crystal pepsi. They had the crystal clear pepsi. Remember when Van Halen did the ad for that? The crystal clear pepsi?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think Pepsi, I think Pepsi is technically bigger than Coke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you could, it's because of the, um, it's because of, uh, Pepsi Pepsi co's, um, holdings in other companies and stuff. They're actually the biggest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're huge. They own like water. I think Coke as a brand is, is, is more well known and more popular, but actually Pepsi is, uh, is a bigger company, actually much bigger company. If you look into it, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Getting a cake made is a pain in the ass, like, if you go to a bakery and you have to order it and pick it up and stuff, they only do certain sizes, you end up with way too much cake, they're fucking expensive, like, Colin the Caterpillar serves like, what, eight people and it costs like, four pounds, like it's,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a no-brainer, it's like- It's the perfect blend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you're not like, man, you're not making a meal of it. Like you're putting one candle in there, you're singing happy birthday to a three year old and you're moving on with your life. Like you know what I mean? It's fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate getting like, going like, you know, like I said, the bakery and getting a cake and fucking icing with writing on it and shit. Like it's like, it's so much hassle. Like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I cannot get it, but I mean, Americans do eat beans, refried beans and stuff. Indeed. And they, and they do eat toast, and the two compliment each other fairly well. Like you don't necessarily have to have the beans on the toast if you don't want, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean, but- Sure, but a lot of, like, I was reading about the popular potato chip flavours in North America, and, well, so, America, Canada, and the UK, and the differences,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coming back to this, this shared border with Mexico and, uh, and, and, and, you know, access the rest of South America or whatever. A lot of, a lot of American potato chip flavors are like Chipotle and stuff like that. Stuff that you wouldn't find in Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then over here you'll have peanut butter, you can buy little things of like peanut butter and apple, and people eat that as a snack because it's like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good like energy food, right? Like you, you, you can get that, you can get that at any supermarket. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's like become like a snack, you know, like, uh, you can get like a thing of like apple segments with like a little pot of peanut butter. Like you can get them at Waitrose everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of British baking involves root vegetables as well though, right? Which is not, not a huge thing in other countries. It's only really big in Britain because that's the only goddamn thing they could grow for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Decades, like, uh, before and after, uh, both of the world wars, right? When they had, like, heavy rationing and stuff like that. All they did was grow potatoes and carrots, cause that's all that can grow over here, basically. So, like, most, it's, it's not a surprise that most of their cuisine is, like, stapled with root vegetables as well, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I get it though, like if you're eating a panini every day for lunch, like I would want to like get something different, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't ever reference flax and don't look at him in the eye either. Yeah, please. Alright. Thank you for what we love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, thanks for that. Thanks for, uh, thanks for looking out for us. That's real, real nice of you. That's my job. Real nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's got like the crew cut and stuff, is that what your mom looks like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think the kimono would be unfair because like if you're talking about hierarchies and stuff as well, I figure whoever's wearing the kimono has the balls to wear the kimono in the first place so they must be pretty high up and in charge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is quite, it is like a villain garment as well though, right? It is a little villainous. You are, you are pretty much announcing to the world that you are a villain because you're wearing the kimono and in jail, maybe people see that as like the ultimate flex, you know? Indeed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's interesting stuff, isn't it? It is. Fascinating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's terrifying. Yeah, I would never want to go to jail. And luckily I don't regularly break the law either. And it's not, uh, it's legal tax avoidance where I live, okay? It's not against the law. So don't even think about coming at me with that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no way I'm going to jail. And if I'm going to jail, put me in one of those open ones. They sound a little bit better than the other ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hadn't thought about it honestly since the last time, but when you mentioned it, I was like, yep, this is something I could definitely listen to for five minutes. So thank you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, uh, well, not my youngest anymore, but my, my, my middle daughter, when she was learning how to ride her bike, we thought, oh, we're going to have to get her training wheels and stuff like that. She just hopped on her bike and went, cause she's just trying to keep up with my son all the time, right? So like, he was, he was already like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty good at riding his bike. So she just hopped on hers and she was just like, yeah, let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, well they look a little bit, I mean, it's, it's weird because when you first, uh, when you get it, it's not too bad, like there's like a couple little sores or whatever, but then as it's getting better,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if you, uh, if you had like a, like a graze on you and, uh, and you were in contact with, uh, my daughter for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So another thing, another thing she says a lot is yeaah. She says yeaah. So like you'll say, hey, do you want to put your coat on? You want to go in the car? Yeaah. Yeaah. She'll say yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She can't talk to you, but she'll point at stuff that she wants. She understands everything that you say. Like it's insane. Like how much she can understand without actually being able to speak or ask for anything. But she points at stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, we've had other kids, so like, this shouldn't be like, uh, as much of a revelation, but it never ceases to amaze me. Like, uh, it is really incredible to watch a baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start to, uh, to develop into like, you know, a toddler and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think they respect you more now that you said they didn't have to go horse riding?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they still do love notes, but I think there's a cutoff much sooner than when we were kids because one thing I have noticed is that a lot of my son's friends at school who are all 10, 11 years old, one thing that a lot of them got for Christmas this year was a phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I was going to just say that some of them actually, um, seemed a little bit like, uh, like regretted asking for a phone because it turns out it's not as great as they thought it was going to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My son got a, uh, a kazoo in his stocking and he's been playing that and one, uh, one song that he really likes to play on his kazoo for some reason is, uh, is that one, uh, I'll be riding shotgun. Like, but on the kazoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know why. I didn't even, I didn't even realize he liked that song, but I guess, I don't even know if he does like it. I think it's one of those things that, you know, it's just a tune that he's got in his head or whatever. So that's what he, what he plays, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. Can you think of a penny? What's a kazoo in it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you're, if you're, if you are a comedian, then yeah, of course you're going to look for stuff like that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is still Kazoo. It's a street cred thing I think with the Kazoo. You have to be able to pull it off and I don't think, I can't think of one person who could actually pull it off. Besides maybe Prince actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, good. I haven't, uh, I was talking to somebody about this yesterday because they were saying that they watched the, uh, the John, was it John Wayne Gacy or whatever John, what's his name? The, the serial killer, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please don't make any more series or documentaries or anything about him. I think the ones that exist are enough to get the point across that he was truly an evil person. And that's it. We don't need more. Like, uh, like just please don't. It's, it's, it is the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not many people that returned from the front, the ones that did, uh, really spoke about it much, either, right? It was like, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think uhm, it touches on it a little bit, but probably not as much as, uh, you know, maybe it's in the book or whatever. Cause there, there is like, there is reference to like, you know, people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In, in, in the middle of it, when they have a little bit of time to think, and they sort of, and they're sort of saying, what the hell are we gonna do? Like, how am I gonna go back to leading a normal life after all this sort of thing? Like, get me back into the, into the fight. Like, this is, this is me now, this is all I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For me, I'm interested to see, like, uhm, like, I remember, like, my, my generation and being a kid and stuff, and I'm always interested to see what led up to that, you know, like, what led up to the conditions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, he was quite brusque because of course he's doing a lot of them that day and whilst this is kind of, you know, painful and uncomfortable and troubling for you the patient, you're just number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's got like, I think he was doing 12 that day. So, you know, he was like, let's get on with it. So they take you in a warm room. So your ball sack relaxes. Get your balls out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, so I'm lying there on the bed and I just pull my pants down. And when I was a young man, I would have been humiliated. But by this point, I'm just like, yeah, fine. So I'm just like half naked lying on a bed, no trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's tugging away and in the end she's like, uh, are you alright? And he says, maybe we should stop. Maybe if we have a big baby. That's what he said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but I think, I think in his mind, like, a lot of blokes, I mean, are gonna be nervous, I think, cause it's your balls, right? And you know, it's, it's potentially, you know, you're like, shit, I mean, I, in my day to day, I try to avoid anything bad happening to my balls. That's pretty much, I think most men's days are planned out around that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can- everyone can stand around with their hands on their hips whilst it's happening. I think that's a more natural, uh, thing. Uh, cause I'm- for example, the work that's going on in the house behind me, which you might be able to pick up in the background, I closed the window to try to- to- to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let it go. This is a very suburban thing. There's three lads out there working on doing the garden patio for the house behind me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're all doing that, hands on hips, like that. They've been doing that all morning, drinking cups of tea and standing around, hands on hips, talking about stuff. I think if vasectomies and medical procedures on that area involved men standing around with their hands on their hips more, we'd all feel a lot more comfortable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she was like, what do you do for a living? And I was like, oh, I don't know if you would hear about it, I told them I was a streamer, because they got it out of me eventually, and then he was like, you are not the first streamer we've had through here, and I thought, fair enough, I wasn't trying to big myself up, buddy. He was very like that. Streamers are always having their test


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he? Yeah, because you don't want them like- Did it stink? No!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close it up, but they don't put a stitch in, they just hold it together and put a bandage over, uh, and that's it. And then he's like, right, you're off. Uh, really? Yeah. He just didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so the ice pack, you have to put an ice pack on your balls 20 minutes out of every hour for like 48 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the day of the operation and then really the two days following that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, it was very sort of, it felt like you'd been kicked in the balls, like there's a low lying, I've been kicked in the balls pain. So you get, you know when you get kicked in the nuts or you accidentally, someone flicks him with a hand or something like that and it's like that sharp pain and then it's like a dull throbbing that spreads up your back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then being big or small, sorry. Uhm, yeaah, but uh, so that was it, it was like a couple days that and then I spent the week sort of taking it easy. Walking around is quite uncomfortable. I had to take the dog to the vet yesterday and we walked down. Uhm, I had to go quite slowly and before that I popped to the shop and that was very slow because it's just, they're very tender.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He sort of, it's implied that it's the Joker and it obviously is. Sorry, I lied.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and uh, cause Worf is like, making fun of Data's shitty captaining in his eyes, and he pulls him aside and says, you better fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man up and be my second. Because he's the, he's the fourth in command would be war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad actually said probably the nicest thing he's ever said to me, uh, when we were talking about the, this, cause he's had one a good few years ago now, uhm, and, uh, he said to me, you've made a manly choice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that was, that was very, I mean, that's obviously quite a dangerous piece of praise, but it may not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To kids written by a man who's a massive antisemite. I mean, you can have a double standard if you want, and that clearly is one. You're separating the art from the artist at that point, which apparently you're not meant to do, but then they're also saying, oh, you can't call someone ugly in a book for kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, welcome to growing up. As you grow up, instead of having more friends, you can have fewer friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't mean I have to go as an adult. So I think you're full of shit. There's your fucking logic, buddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's stuff that they can do that we can both enjoy. For example, Mrs. F takes, um, our youngest loves mysteries. Don't ask me why. She loves anything to do with mysteries. So she loves like whodunnits and all that kind of stuff. Loves it. They went to see the mousetrap, which is like the longest running play


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On the, in the West End, it's like, fucking 60 years this thing's been running.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they get older, and then it's like, for example, the other day my eldest comes to me and she says, uh, we're studying World War I at school, uhm, could we watch a movie called 1917? Uhm, which is like, it's meant to be a World War I movie. I was like, absolutely love it. I've seen that film, it's really good. It's like the single shot, single shot film. Yeaah, I need to watch that. It's really, really, really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty brutal, and you know, it's gonna be a hard watch. She was like, that's fine. We watched it. We are crying our eyes out all the way through, because it's a very emotional movie. Sure. Multiple times we're crying. She, the film ends, she turns to me, she goes, oh, I haven't cried that much since The Green Mile. Which is another film that she was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it was maybe, was it last year or the year before, when we were on holiday, I said, let's watch a movie that we'll all enjoy. Uh, this is, it's a long movie, but we'll, I think you guys will really like it. And they did, they loved The Green Mile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I haven't, we haven't watched Shawshank with them yet, but very similar vibe, same director I think, is it Frank Darabont I think it was, but obviously both Stephen King sort of books, but yeah, so


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were not phased at all. Like, there's a scene in that where the guy tries to use electric paddles on a guy's chest, and the guy's chest opens up and bites his arms off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kids these days, I guess, are just immune to that kind of horror movie. So I'm gonna have to think very hard, because I don't want to show them something really scary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know like those light rains where you're like, it's not raining that bad, but you get absolutely fucking drenched? Yea, it was that. It's like a misty rain almost, like I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta keep it all in the bubble until, you know, when they're, when, when the baby's bigger, I can, I can finally venture out of the bubble and then I might care about Taskmasters and stuff like that. Nah, you ain't gonna do shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well, I've been burned many times. I'm not even doing it just to be cool or anything. I just, I just don't, I just don't believe the hype.


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[Assistant] Well, I like to wait. I like to wait to see what the, the sort of, like, it's weird because I don't, I don't generally believe the hype, but then I'm fine to sort of, uh, believe a consensus, you know, like after, after the fact, like with cyberpunk.


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[Assistant] Everybody was super excited losing their minds for Cyberpunk coming out and I was like, okay, you know, it's, I'll see how it goes. And then when it came out and everybody was upset that it wasn't, didn't live up to their expectations or whatever, and I still haven't played it because I haven't heard great things about it, right? But then other things have come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember um, Spore being like that too, when Spore was in development and then when it was released, the hype around that game was insane and it could not possibly ever remotely live up to any of the hype.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it was just a stripped down version of what they promised because they just couldn't, they couldn't do all the stuff that they wanted to do. And what was it? Will, Will Wright actually left.


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[Assistant] Oh man. I was reading something about Alan Sugar recently, cause I don't know much about him other than, you know, he's on The Apprentice, which I watch, and I never really had any opinions on Alan Sugar until he tweeted,


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[Assistant] Calling people who work from home scumbags who watch TV all day, and now my perception of that man has just completely and utterly changed.


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[Assistant] The fact of the matter is, is that most of these jobs, there's not even enough work to do to fill a day. So if somebody's sitting around watching TV, that's, that's your fault, right? Like you, you probably just have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too many people or whatever. And if they're in an office.


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[Assistant] That makes sense, right? Cause you can, you can look out over your little silo and be proud of yourself that you manage five or six people or whatever and that's cool. But when they're all at home and you can't see them, it doesn't feel as tangible, right?


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[Assistant] And also like he's never worked in an office before either. Like, maybe he should just spend a day working in one of his fucking offices.


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[Assistant] And he could realize that, uh, most people are useless assholes. Whether they work in an office or at home, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? But he just seems to have no fucking concept at all about how working life is, which is, which is odd. But there you go.


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[Assistant] Big projects, whatever. And there's deliverables, and there's times where things need to be delivered, right? And so...


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[Assistant] But that's a volume job though, right? Like it's, it's like being, uh, it's like working at a till or like, you know, serving people at like say McDonald's or whatever. You know, there's going to be customers. It's going to be busy almost all day, right? Like you're, you're not going to really have time to, to do anything but your job.


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[Assistant] Speaking of basic TV, I started watching Married at First Sight UK Season 7.


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[Assistant] Okay, is the question related to some sort of ailment upon your physical being? Uhm, is the question related, is it a diet question? No. A diet related question? No. Is it, is it to do with uhm, are you looking to acquire a piece of technology?


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[Assistant] Maybe that, maybe that's just a really good poetry jam. Like, it's known in circles.


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[Assistant] That's a good question. I wish that I, uh, was more cultured to be able to help out, but I'm not. I'm...


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[Assistant] Really, really fucking dumb and basic. I'm a simpleton. Sorry.


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[Assistant] Do you, I don't know, I don't think I really have like any, any deep, uh, burning, burning questions.


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[Assistant] I mean, I was on vacation recently, and uhm, I should have come back with like, you know, a lot of deep thoughts and questions and stuff, but man, I was so tired. I just, when I got back, I was like, man, I need like an actual vacation now to recover from my-


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uhm, I can't remember, I can't remember the stand-up who said it, but there was a bit where he said that uhm, he was trying to describe a family road trip.


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[Assistant] That's your vacation. It's that five seconds where nobody asks you a question or interacts with you whatsoever after you've closed the door, walked around the car and then gotten into the driver's seat.


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[Assistant] I don't even think you need to have had kids to relate to that joke. I think that's part of what makes it so good too.


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[Assistant] Listen, can I tell you a story about...


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[Assistant] Pre-vacation. And another little one, I think I told you guys over whatsapp about being barfed on on the ferry, which was not pleasant. But listen to this one, this is the night before we're leaving, we had to catch the ferry


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ferry left at 9 o'clock in the morning and, uh, because we had our car and everything, we had to turn up there quite early. So it was, it was an early start. We had to wake up at 6 to get ready, get the car, uh, fastened down everything. Cause we had like a roof rack and like, it was like a proper, you know, it was like a real Griswold moment.


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[Assistant] Uhm, we got the car ready and everything. So my, my son, who's almost 11 now,


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[Assistant] Uh, is really excited to go on this trip and he's like, what time are we waking up tomorrow? And he, cause he's at that age now where he's worried about, you know, timings on things and stuff, you know, didn't want to be late, didn't want to miss the boat and stuff.


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[Assistant] What time do we have to wake up tomorrow? He said, well, we've got to wake up at like six, but maybe if you want, set your alarm for 5 45, you know, quarter to six. So you have like a little bit of a headstart. You have some more time to wake up and get your stuff ready, whatever. And he's like, okay, so got this huge, like a alarm clock that we got him when he was really little to help him like.


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[Assistant] Learn how to tell the time and it has, it's like really old.


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[Assistant] So he's like, I'll go get my clock. So he comes down and he's like, okay, 5 45. And he's like, yeah, 5 45 set your alarm. So you wake up and we'll have more than enough time to get there. Whatever. Okay. All right. Great. So he sets his alarm. He takes it back upstairs. He kind of like.


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[Assistant] Uh, we watched a bit of TV, got some more stuff ready or whatever. The clock strikes midnight and it sounds like a fucking fire alarm is going off in our house, but like an old school one, like one that would, you'd hear like at your school, you know, the metal ringing.


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[Assistant] So I was like fumbling around with it a little bit more, and then I noticed in the corner of my eye that my, my son is like starting to stir. It's like, ah shit, I think it's like woken him up or whatever. So I'm looking on the back of this thing, trying to like make sure I turn it off or whatever. I turn around, my son, my son is sitting up in bed, like waving his


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just this year, he was asleep still though, cause I told him about the next day. He's like, I don't remember any of that. Like I don't remember, I don't remember waking up or whatever. So he's still asleep with his massive smile on his face.