[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we told this podcast a bunch of times. An assassin in a live podcast is the funniest thing. So me and Matt, it was at Skankfest and it was a Jason Ellis podcast, but it was like Soder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Louis J. And Big J was up there. They were all up there. And me and Matt were in the back and we were talking to this guy and he was like, what did he ask for? He wanted a picture. He wanted a picture and I was like, the only way you can get a picture is if you go up there and tell them to shut the fuck up. This guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in the middle of a live podcast, this dude standing walks to the front and just goes, Hey! Hey! And they're like, What? And he goes, Shut up! This isn't, this isn't funny!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This isn't right. This isn't real. Yeah, it was very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta go to Austin in the morning. What time? Probably late. Are you doing the podcast end? Probably late. Uhm, doing the podcast end in Rogan. Rogan's show. Uh, actually I don't know if we're doing the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely just, just going out, do the shows. Yeaah. I'm gonna do Kill Tony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless that's a secret. Oh shit. It'll be out tomorrow anyway. Um, secret's out. Tonight? No. It's at the Gramercy Theater. It's not huge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what I wanted to say. I think I might have said it to you before on something, but I was, uh, machine trailer. Yeah. Sick, dude. Thank you. You told me about it the first time. Oh yeah, I showed it to you. And then when you showed me the trailer, I was like, this is, it's crazy. Yeah. How good that looks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, how about, so you showed it in Tampa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I missed it. This would have been, this would have been a hang, dude. I missed it. I was so bummed. So I was doing a show in Tampa. He was doing a show in Tampa. I went over to the, he was doing the arena. He was doing with a lightning play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the bolts. Which by the way, they gave us a bunch of like lightning hats and shit. I put it on, their logo looks like, I put it on, McKeever was like, anytime you wear a lightning logo, you just look like you're wearing a superhero hat. He's like, you just look like a guy who's wearing superhero merch, and I was like, fuck!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wade Boggs. Wade Boggs and Mike Alstott. I missed the hang. Can I tell you the coolest part of that? Mike Alstott is the coolest part of the show. David Brooks is also there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, now he's even more jacked. He looks insane, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alstodd is the, dude, if you're white, you love Mike Alstodd. He was the fuck, he's, dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got mine. It's mine. Dude, I loved Mike Vick when he was with the Eagles. Did you? I loved Mike Vick. I liked, I liked Torello. Mike Keough was nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good one. That's people's... Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hands the ball right to the ref. Sap. Sap 99, dude. Yeah, Sap was one of my favorite players. Sap Lynch, Derrick Brooks, Barber. I might be a Buccaneers fan now that I think about it. This was my favorite team. Dude, I used to love this team. This was a good fucking team. Look at that freak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rhonda. Rhonda Barber. Rhonda. Simeon Rice. Look at these guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? There's some deep cuts here. Martin, Martin Gramatica. Martin Gramatica. Martin Gramatica. Automatica.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Martin Gramatica is the kicker. Is he a kicker? Automatically Gramatica.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love seeing All-Star run the ball. Yea, it was a tough one. Dungy put the whole team together and then he, in 2001 he left and uh, Gruden got the Super Bowl. Gruden sent an email like, what a fucking dork.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great teeth. Oh yes. Oh, he's at a dentist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever shit the bed? Have you ever? Oh, for real?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was the most intense hemorrhoid I've ever seen. Bro, it was insane. You saw it? Was it Ari's? Ari's looks like, uh, Ari's is absolutely disgusting, but this was like one single fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But also the reason I brought it up to him was the joke was the audacity of me. To be like, I'll just go do that. That's something I can do if I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So I think that's what he was offended about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Noah wants to be the horses. We talk favorite animals a lot. His favorite animal is a horse. I'm actually a big otter guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Noah's, Noah's a horse. He said a horse was the best animal. Oh dude. I know you love riding a horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Horses are pretty sick. Yeah, but best animal? I mean. We said dogs are off the table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am uncomfortable. When was the last time you cried? Uh, probably recent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, they were like, oh now we're worried that the NightSalker is going to try to attack you. And he was gone constantly. He was working the case every day. So his, his wife and their kids, they like moved out. They were like, we're leaving until you finish this. So they left. And then the night they caught him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went to like his cousins wedding and then he was like, where's my wife? And then him and her and the family came in and I was laying on, I was like right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I stopped. I stopped crying. Wait, where? When? It was a break up once. I was living in my parents basement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I saw myself in a full body mirror. Crying. And I was like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude. This is how fucked up mine was. I saw it. It was standing at the foot of my bed. It walked up the side of my bed and I woke up like while it was reaching for me and I tried to fight it. I thought it was real. So I got out of bed and I was like hiding. This happened to me the other night? Yes. So then, nobody talked about sleep paralysis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't die. Jesus. That's not real. That's not real. Yea, that's not happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, thanks for having us. Check out Razzle Dazzle. For sure. And uh, yeaah. Thanks for having us dude. Alright. You're the man. I love you guys. Thank you. Love you bro. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that on Sunday? Yeah, it was on Sunday. I was like, I gotta, I gotta start fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could be crushing it as a dad. I could be dad crushing it all day long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was like a bog, bog and fog or whatever the characters were. They were just like in the swamp doing one-liners back in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the mascot is claiming is that when they were walking over, like behind and above those little black kids was a woman asking the mascot to hold her baby. And that's against company policy. So they were trying to distance themselves from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you can't hold, you can hold a black baby, you can't hold white babies. There's a liability. That's a mistake. So he was like, nah, I'm not trying to get over there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like somebody, again, somebody was trying to like, like take my, like, you know, take my baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a border crossing situation. They're trying to get their baby into America. Jesus. Yeaah. And you're just like, no, I don't, I can't. Yeaah, cause they're not allowed to do that. They're not allowed to hold people. But you know, people are trying to create photo ops all the time. Like you see that little girl that they put somebody on an elephant seal to try to take a quick picture. What happened? And the seal tried to bite her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cool. Nobody saw that? You guys see that? Yeaah. It's like it was just for a photo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's looking deeply into his present right there. Right? He's not looking behind. He's not looking in front. He's looking deeply into his present.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was very close to brooding, but it was just like, you need to smoke cigarettes. You have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa. By pulling our sexual energies together in an impenetrable dance circle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, which one had Timberlake? That was Nsync.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, I just introduced my kids to candy coated raindrops today. What's that? From Soul for Real. My love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea what it is. It's like 12 year old singing. It's like, have you ever loved someone so much you thought you'd die, giving so much of yourself? Dude, it's like you're 12. What the fuck are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just guys being nice to them. Yeah, like genuinely nice to them. Yeah, true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was raised to bite my lip. Like, I was like, my mom raised me to bite my lip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Straight minutes. Oh, without getting hard. Yea, without getting hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, the other day I was trying to like channel an animal during jiu-jitsu and I was like alright, I'll fuck with a panther and right as the match started I was like nah, this is too sexy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I had to go, had to go human on human for that round. Did you? Yeaah, I did. And then the next one I just like summoned. But now there's a panther in the building. There is a panther, dude there's a panther in my heart at all times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well you guys, well you have to, you have to go into it with like knowing that that is your plan. So you build a bank of people you'll never encounter again. So like just people you see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, there's like a physical attraction element to it that isn't quite met. You know what I mean? So it's just like, if I did it, I would be becoming a different dream person than I want to see myself in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you gotta keep in mind too that even little kids are starting with what was smut to us. Like the types of bikinis and stuff that they're showing on shows and TV, you know, like, or just like the little YouTube things that they're watching. It's like they're seeing stuff in very, they're seeing people in a very provocative state as a norm where we had to earn like the string bikini. Yeah, like a swimsuit issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so I worked at a foundry with my dad for a little bit one summer in between college and uh, we had to go get this physical and when you're there, you don't know how deep this physical is going to be. You're seeing a typical physical, you know, like, but a hot lady doctor had to see your dick. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, dude, in that moment, like, my mind started racing like, what the fuck? Why wouldn't you tell me ahead of time so I could fluff? And then I remembered that this particular was a very particular physical for this foundry drive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just like, and then thinking about how many dudes over fluffed to come into that physical


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, rock, she sees nothing but rock hard dicks if they know ahead of time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. It's like the types of dudes that like, they have a life trajectory of working in a place, like a warehouse that's 200 fucking degrees. Yeaah. You know what I mean? Like that's a particular kind of dude. Decent bird though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea. You know she's telling a friend over brunch about your bird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pleasant. You finish them all the way. Yeaah, I mean, I've been having a pretty decently fiber diet for a while. Cause, you know, I was like an athlete for a while, so I was eating very specific diets, you know, so I was pooping good for a very long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hear Butterly, I heard him say one time, uh, 11 years old, you were, just had all diarrhea. So I, I never, I rarely ever had that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know what I'm gonna, I mean it's rare and it's like typical, it's like a food related thing. And I have to like, alright. So you know you're gonna have diarrhea? Yeah, before I eat the food. What's the food to give you diarrhea? Just anything, anything really spicy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have too many hard edges right now. Like the longer I sit down the more it hurts. But like you get to a point where it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the thing, we live in, like the way our society is set up, that is a legitimate path in life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Like everybody's gonna die. For sure. You know what I mean? It's like... Well dude, this is the thing, I got fucked up today. I got fucked up on this today, so if there's... Wait, nobody, does anybody ever on their deathbed be like, man, I ate too much salad berry steak?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes sense. Like their fantasies die. My mind is stuck in that other one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mind is still stuck in the physical survival thing. Really? The anxiety that I get is like, man, I don't even know how to fucking forge my own knife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sucks. Really? You know? Yea, and it's like, I could probably only throw a spear twice before my shoulder starts to have to start. So you get physical anxiety, you get survival anxiety. I do. It's like, that's all I think about. Like, can I still parkour my way out of this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just in case. Like my son, my son and his, uh, my father-in-law is a, is a fisher, so my son fishes with him a lot and he's like, he knows fishing, he knows, he does all the stuff, like my son does. And it's like the other day I realized that if society collapsed, I need him. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Anzley started watching the first season of that. And it's pretty intense because like, every season, we watched every season after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And every season after that they're, they're aware. They saw the first season. So they're aware of everything. So in the first season they weren't aware and everybody was taking it like really, really intense. They were taking it so intense that every minor mess up felt like life or death. So everybody just tapping the fuck out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's like, nah, I can't survive this. Really? They're like, nah, my lace is broke, I can't survive this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you were in a tent at a music festival with bodies that were creating music festival steam. Like that's a different...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't think I could do it. If I had to do it, like knowing that there was an option of like opulence back home, you know, comparatively. Yeah. Like I'm just like, why am I doing it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'll be one of those like trendy bakeries where like you get the baked goods when you get the baked goods and when we're out we're closed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's different. No it's not. It's the same thing. They're a corporate chain that should have their shit together. I'm talking about mom and pop shop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'll get you, yeaah. Yeaah, and that'll hurt. Oh my god. Yeaah, that's like leprosy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I need that right now so I don't have to shit. Yeaah. I need that pill to kill all the shit in my body. I would take it every day. I don't know, I kinda enjoy a nice dump dude. True, but neutralizing it would be powerful. Yeaah. I gotta shit like, hold on, actually fuck it, let's go, I'll take this pill. Desolves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard a dude handle a business in an airplane bathroom, you know, like, like sitting there, I took my ends. I had a two year old like to take a shit. Yeah. So I'm like sitting there like, all right, get on the toilet and the guy was, you hear him going like, I didn't realize cause I was getting it from like a two year old's perspective. Dudes are in there like moaning, groaning. Oh yeah. Dude, the guy was talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't, I was in there, that must be what was going on, the guy was on the phone, he goes, I'd like to, uh, ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was, I was startled, dude, cause I was, she was like commenting on people's shoes and shit, she was like, he has blue shoes! I was like, dude, chill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, around three they start asking questions. And they'll stare in a way that you're just like, dude, I want to cut my dick off right now. So then they're babies you pee and it's like whatever and one day they just go, you're like, eh, eh, eh, eh, that's enough.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little golden book. Classic. That's what they were called. I was curious what they were called. A little golden book. That's pretty fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess. I'm a tomboy. I like to climb fences and play sports with my dad. How dare you. I think tomboy's out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you read, if you watch any of the old Disney movies now, it's like a full, like, essay on apologies about everything, everything is like this, look guys, we fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how does the league work? If you identify as they, them, what's the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's been, there was a male powerlifter who entered some sort of, people have done this a bunch of times, recently another one came in, there was a trans woman who smashed the record, then he smashed the trans woman by like 150 pounds, walked away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all we call the morning place, you know what I mean? Who even cares? Did the Peloton today and there was a lady who appeared to be, I would imagine she was mixed, black and white. She did a classic rock ride the whole time, like, can you believe I know this song? I was like, take it easy, relax, take it easy. Just Pink Floyd wished you were here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' hit song. Yeaah. It's not crazy that you- It was like, can you believe I know this? And it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever play the game Mike's Bikes in college? You guys go to college for business? We played a game called Mike's Bikes and it was like, it was just like a business simulator where you could do like super expensive bikes, middle line, super value bikes and you had to run like a analysis of like how you did as a businessman and we had a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had like a lot of African exchange students there. This one guy would take, he would try to name the business. He'd be like, let's call it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're not allowed, I think in Orange County they figured out something with homeless people where like they pick them up and drop them off somewhere else. There's some weird town thing where like if the homeless beds are full, they have something where they can literally pick up homeless people in a van and drop them off in like the Bay Area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they have like centers for them to go to or something? Oh yeaah. Big needle town. It's coming for us. We're gonna have the, like, heroin gymnasiums. The what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's coming. We're gonna have, we're gonna have like the places you, there's like shepherd them into, inject them, and let them kind of ruin the board.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you wearing a choker? No, it's a hairband.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Joaquins was better. I think Joaquins was a better movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it was about him. So, Ruth was the supporting role. Yeaah. So, yeaah, I liked the movie better. It was a good movie. It was a deep dive into the Joker psyche.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems like it's getting bigger. It's ticking up. Yea, it seems like it's upticking and across like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I thought that was hate note, has no homie, or kick through the cage, has no homie, or fucking blasted, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, they had a video of him just walking around peacefully through the capital and like, picking stuff up. And they were like, well where the fuck was this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That must have been terrible. Were they scared? Everybody was scared. They came in like uuuh. Oh yeaah. They start doing like bomb drills, you know, they do the nuclear drills. They should do it for like a trans invasion. What position would you assume?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they needed, they were short about 50 G's of realizing their ultimate goal. Yes. That stinks. That's a shame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a hallucination. Exactly. You see weird things out at sea and sometimes on the port.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does help you. I need that jab, I need distance, you know, I need established distance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those guys. I love those guys. They're the best dudes of all time. UFC guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's such a grueling process, there's dudes in gyms that are just so, if you were to like, fuck around with them, like you gotta be a pro fighter, and they're like nah man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, it's such a grueling life, dude. Yeah, it's horrible. Even try to become a black belt or like good enough to like compete in Atlantic City locally, you gotta be like, nasty, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a laid KO, yeah he was for sure. That was a laid KO, right? He was done, he lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they used to do these things where you like lift your knees up, like dude, those things will break your spine. It's like. Yeah, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you? Ugh. Liquid Death is a drink that looks like beer, but it isn't. And that's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, looks like a tall boy. Liquid death makes, makes sparkling water, mountain water, and now iced tea in a can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chug one at 9am while on your morning stroll through the mall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, delicious flavors and fun names like Grim Leafer, Rest in Peach, and Armless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're smart, so you already know that most plastic bottles are never actually recycled. Liquid death comes in cans and donates a portion of their profits to help end plastic pollution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get it near a retailer near you, plus Matt and Shane's listeners get 20% off their first liquid death apparel purchase available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exclusively at LiquidDeath.com. Exclusions may apply. That's LiquidDeath.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard to find time to go to the grocery store, much less learn a brand new language, obviously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. Luckily, Babbel is here to make the process simple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Learn a new language with the app that's addictively fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With 15 minute lessons, it's easy to find the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And with sessions created by experts, you'll actually retain what you learned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Choose from 14 different languages including Spanish, French, Italian, and German. What language would you pick if you had to learn another language?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that'd be kind of fun. That'd be a cool one to do. I might do that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't be nervous if you're traveling out of the country. With Babbel's speech recognition technology, you can improve your pronunciation and accent. There are so many ways to learn with Babbel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Try out their podcasts, games, videos, stories, and even live classes. Plus it comes with a 20 day money back guarantee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babble.com slash drenched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's babble.com slash drenched for up to 55% off your subscription. Babble. Language for life. Language for life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I do like, they, they grew on me, honestly. I, you know, I usually am skeptical. They truly are a classic. Yeah, they truly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're built and designed for a man's body. Everything true classic creates is a blend of quality and comfort, giving you the best of both worlds. Stock up on brace sticks with- stop up on-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry man. Stock up on basics with their classic tees.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That have over 200,000 five star reviews or hit the gym with true classics, performance essentials.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, get 20% off of trueclassic.com with code drenched. Free shipping is included on purchases over $100. That's with a 100% risk free guarantee with a 30 day return policy. That's code drenched at trueclassic.com. You can't go wrong. It's look good, feel good season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I'm reading a book about longevity right now and they're saying like, if you don't work out three days a week, you're just going to completely degrade. Peter Attia, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's healthspan and lifespan. He's talking about, he's like, lifespans, whatever he goes, but in order to be able to like move when you're older. He was talking about like old ladies that like tear their, like, shatter their femur falling off a curb. He was like, that's avoidable. He's like, you can avoid that. No, you can't, dude. No, you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like to walk. Low impact. This guy was saying you should be able to, like, hang from a bar for two minutes, dude. Two minutes. That's crazy. I was like, I gotta be able to do a minute. Dude, 30 seconds. I was like, yeah. Hanging stuff. It's hard as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but no, the guy was saying if you get strong enough, but you can basically, Dragon Ball Z, if you just get jacked as fuck, you can ward off the deaths of like this, like this stupid shit of just laying in a bed and dying. He's like, if you're strong...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but a lot of them take steroids. And they overeat. He was saying if you get jacked enough and just starve yourself your whole fucking life, you got a shot, dude. You have a shot. At what? At just fucking hopping over a curb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pretty motivated to do all this stuff and I can't. I get up and I go, I can't. Good for you, dude. It's hard. I'm gonna get back on. You look healthy. Thank you. I'm gonna get back on. The eating's the big thing. Try not to eat when I'm not hungry. That's an easy one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I eat to the point where I'm uncomfortable every single day. Grazing is good for you. Just graze. Every day I eat and I go, jeez I'm not gonna eat for 10 hours after this. I'm full and it's just like, it is dinner time. Yeaah. I have to eat. It is dinner time.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You're burning a lot of fat. Yeah, true. True, true. I'm gonna go, I'll go for it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder. I mean that is though, you know, it's one of those things man, it's like, I don't know, I have no concept of being 60 and my body just fucking failing completely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he has to while he's in, he has to be like, yeah, let's fucking do it again. Right. He can't be like, nah, I'm old as fucking losing my mind, I can't do it again. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, he almost didn't take the presidency allegedly after uh, Obama's son died. Yea.


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[Assistant] That was crazy. They really thought- I mean it was- she had those boss pants though. She did have boss pants. Lady boss pants. Motherfucker in those-


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[Assistant] Every politician has to try to like court the black vote. Every white democrat has to like basically do the black room. Trump's done the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slavery is diabolical, but like, once you're like, alright, you're free to keep it going, it's like, that's double diabolical. Maybe not double, but super diabolical. Super diabolical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God man, what a- that must have been crazy for slaves to be free and then just have white dudes walking around like- Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] We were like controlling ex-boyfriends basically. Tell that to Nat Turner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The bombs, once you bring out the bombs, people start, you know, you get the ear of the most powerful people across the country.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Spy vs. Spy at that point though.


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[Assistant] The whole point of the religion is like, every man for themselves. It's like, yea, well, fucking, it's on you, bro. Don't bother me.


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[Assistant] I mean, you know, loser and winner. Combined. Yeah. You know.


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[Assistant] It's a shame to think about. What? My poor great great great great great. Seeing those, seeing the QAnon Shaman dude coming off the boat. Storming the castle, slaying my great great great great great great grandfather.


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[Assistant] I mean, it's probably Jack that's fucking tall. Yeah, true. Which obviously, you know, talking a long time back then.


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[Assistant] That's good. They weren't always posh and proper. No.


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[Assistant] Didn't they have like three different regimes come? Or Ireland? Wasn't it conquered like multiple times? I think Vikings and a couple other people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My ancestral trauma. We're all processing it the same way.


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[Assistant] Headsets, we can do headsets, UFC, and talk the entire time. I'll commentate.


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[Assistant] What's the pecking order right now versus Lamar and Gardini? Who's better? Who won last time you guys played? I think Gardini.


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[Assistant] My theory was that it was like an evolutionary thing where you want to get that thing beat up with a big old dong so you can ease the pains of childbirth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you, you're feeling, you're getting, like, if your mom's spazzing the whole time while they're pregnant with you, you're getting the taste of all those, like, neurotransmitters or whatever it is. It stinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fine. Honestly, it's good because you let yourself ramp yourself up to the point where you're like, I have to jerk off. Yeah. And then you have some lady and you're like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the one thing, if you don't watch porn, you avoid that after, if you're just kinda like, look, cause I would jerk off when I didn't have to jerk off. Yea, same. You know what I'm saying? And that's when you get out of that. That's the road. Which is nice, yea.


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[Assistant] I haven't used, Brittany gave me shaving cream recently. I was just using like a bar of soap and she gave me shaving cream and I smelled it and was like, Oh, I should jerk off of this stuff. I forgot about it. Oh yeah. You've been shaving with a bar of soap? Yeah, I just rub a bar of soap and lather up and shave.


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[Assistant] Put on a dress. Not the sex ed. In a dress? That's the good way to get it.


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[Assistant] He pulled out my dick. He pulled out my small fleshed penis.


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[Assistant] I feel like they are like, I feel like they're like this though, sports and race are ultimately tied. Definitely.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I think you, you, you kind of explained it economically that chickens are kind of a surplus of chickens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my video game would be really basic. So, you know the game Tanks, where you would like shoot at another tank, and you get to adjust like the angle, the velocity, and each time, you're like, you each get a shot, like back and forth you get shots. So it would just be like a game like that, but you get to pick. You'd be a great armor.


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[Assistant] Also, love, love, you can't, you can't put a fucking, you can't put colors on love. Love, love, it just, they're just two entities that were meant to be connected, they find each other in time and space. You never know what form they're gonna be.


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[Assistant] My talent's pretty good for kids getting out. Is it really? Yea. That's good man. Yea. Sometimes I feel like some of the kids at our playground are a little too fucking old. It's like, get a fucking video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty much the only way that I will fap for a while. Cause if you do it any other way, like again, I said this before, but like, if I masturbate even to another, like if another, it makes me feel ill. Really? Yea, I feel physically ill.


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[Assistant] Jerk off to something outside of my home. As unholy.


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[Assistant] To I- When I'm like, when I- I've heard something similar to that before as well. When I have a decent amount of mushrooms.


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[Assistant] Like the only times I have I've been around my kids and we just have a delightful time.


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[Assistant] Yeah, kids are pretty close to like a euphoric state, which you don't realize as an adult. You can't share in with, you can't share with them as an adult unless you're a certain type of high. That's actually a good point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm having a hard time thinking my lady literally just stepped on the mat to fight. Oh, damn. Yeah, it's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I wouldn't want to stan someone, just like to throw a fucking, you know, like just change Utah to Kazakhstan or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, maybe she needs to give it with the fact that he might be a bitch ass, like the baby daddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like cause like, it seems like a lot of the conflict, you know, that women have with men after they leave them and they still have the baby, right? And with another dude. But they can't get over it. Like now they can say all the shit they wanted to say to the fact that he was a bitch in the first place. You know, just get over it. Like you're with a man now. Let that be the case.


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[Assistant] Nothing makes a man change his tune more than a woman manning up what he should.


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[Assistant] Ansley just, my wife just, uh, won her match via some sort of either rear naked choke or collar choke. Really? Yea, but from the angle I couldn't see. She have more matches?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she has, she has, her match up next is with the number one chick in the world, in the world in her division. That's fucking sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such a better headspace than the last ma- oh man. But that too, maybe the chick should do jiu-jitsu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I, wait real quick. So my, uh, my niece, my sister's daughter, she was getting bullied at college. She went to Cheney, I think it was. And uhm, she was getting bullied by a chick in her dorm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People, people know my mom from being a street fighter because she was undefeated. They know my sister from being a street fighter because she is destructive. She damages people. She changes people's, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, so like, so my sister goes and confronts her mom. Right? And, uh, you know, the moms start popping off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she had all her daughters with her, who are like all like, teenage and up, right? Yeah. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My sister was like, alright, so she went back home and she got her daughters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they went there to, my sister was like, alright, we're gonna fight. You know, last man standing rules. You know, my sister was ready to go. And like, they knew the reputation of my family. So they came out and they were like, yeah, we'll fight, we'll fight. And they all had their hands behind their backs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they all like, you know, jumped into, cause you know, her husband was there, so they all jumped into like, he dragged them all in the car and drove off. Damn. Yea. I'd like to do a documentary job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a capital L. Yea, my one niece, who was like the brawler of my sister's daughters, when I was talking, I was like laughing the whole entire time they were telling me this story. And I turned to Charlie and I'm like, so how do you feel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she's a G. My sister, like my mom was a very technical, you know, like a classically trained fighter. She went to a boxing gym. She was Mayweather. She was Mayweather. Yeah. Dude, my sister is a fucking animal. Damn. An animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Damn. So, but yeah, so that's, uh, one of my nieces was like, yeah, I'm never fighting again. Like, I'm out of the game. Like, now that I know that people can do this, I'm out of the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They probably do. Remember when we got them bitches?


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[Assistant] Yeah, and remember guys, it's easier for us to read your questions if they're not prefaced too long, cause, you know, we're kinda fuckin' high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my, uh, my, my, what I thought were sick movies, pretty spot on. I have not missed with my kids yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Men are definitely accepting their uh, female nature more now than ever. Sure. Right? And I feel like women are trying to emulate


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, wait, which one is the dude? Anima? Anima. Anima is the dude. Anima is the man. Anima is the woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, you know, here's the thing, uh, in my house, it seems like, you know, that there is an appreciation of the roles. That, that, uh, you get to play in each other's lives and in your kids' lives. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can only- I can only fully play the role that I've been enjoying to play in the lives of the people I love because of who I'm with. Like she-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, she's not, she's not going to throw anything in my face. You know, there's a lot, there's enough trust there for me to fully embrace my role. And it's the same thing with her. There's enough trust from her to me for her to fully embrace her role. We can both be the types of parents we want to be to our kids, even if it's different, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, man, I knew Ansley had a lot of trust for me when like, so when we, the house we were living in before, we live now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had a cool neighbor, we're still friends with this family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, but the, you know, the wife and I, we would band together during the day, you know, and then she would, like, I would go run errands and she'd watch the kids. Or then she would go run errands for her family and I'd watch all the kids, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Ansley, and she's hot. She's a hot lady. Man, that's wild. And Ansley told her, like at the height of us spending all this time together, Ansley told her, oh, I wouldn't even care if Sydney cheated on me right now. Yeah, cause you guys just had twins. Yeah. To put that in context. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you fuckin' tell a hot chick that. True. What is wrong with you?


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[Assistant] Thankfully, I never got that vibe from her. Like, I didn't know from the way, uh, our neighbor reacted that Ansley had said that to her. Sure, yea. Like, I found out, like, after we moved, you know, Ansley told me she said that to her and I was like, what the fuck? Yea dude. I did. There was a time when, um, she was, the neighbor was absolutely convinced that we were swingers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you won't even know it until later on in life when at some point your daughter will be telling somebody about you in college and be like, yeah, my dad was the man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so I feel good right now. Kind of the man, exactly. Just like in the ether, just like travels through the ether and just like pumps you up. You know, makes you wanna, you know, I'm at fucking barbecue today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, always think about like dying in some sort of glory, like fighting off a bear so your family has time to escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't want to die, but if they came through my neighborhood and tried to like ransack my house, I'm going, I got to take the fight into the street. I can't let the fight come into my house and put my family, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and if, and if, and if this person is kind of like an anchor in your life, like the, the, the more distance you have, the more you'll elevate beyond that relationship. So you're not, I mean, you, any, any, any feeling bad would just be theater for the, like, like, you know, just going through the motions and mourning the friendship you once had, but you're not, you're not going to really feel bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is something though to being like, uh, like the extraordinary weirdo. Chicks, that's, that's, that's a hero figure to women too. Like, because then, yeah, cause then it's like only, only, only they get you. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Kahlo, what do you think this lighter looks like? Uh, I'm starting to think there's some kind of like, thorns or skull situation going on. Wait, wait a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Andrew Weiland. That's the dude. He had a place in San Diego where you could go and buy his johns.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's this? How do you spell his last name? W-Y-L-A-N-D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he makes funny music. He's doing open verse challenges and they're funny. What's his name? His name's Lou Matos. He goes by, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tiktok will put up, somebody on Tiktok will like put up a, uh, song. They'll sing for the first 10 seconds and then you put your own lyrics in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's a music producer, so everything sounds great. But he loves to say retard, uh, and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's Delaware's own? He's been cracking me up. For the last, like, 90 days, he posts a video every day, uh, of him humping the air, saying, gonna, uh, I have a question for you. I'm your number one fan. Please answer my question. Are you bisexual? Please say yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know, he might be trolling, whatever it is.


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[Assistant] What fucking campus he at when he died? Camp 4? I don't know.


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[Assistant] Tornadoes are only like a hundred and twenty, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A big one. What?


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[Assistant] That's it? I'm pretty sure yea, I don't think there are more than like 200,000 hours.


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[Assistant] Yeah, don't bother submitting somebody for sickest dude on the planet if he has never been seen in an umbrella.


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[Assistant] Because he thought you were supposed to wear one, like, if you were going to a baseball game in the 20s.


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[Assistant] I know, but I mean like you didn't have to do the same exact classes and shit. Do your boys still do business though?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, then I got ahead with a group of guys, we all took turns, I went last and I didn't have pubes or the ability to ejaculate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my nickname was The Publiss Wonder for a couple years until I started, started growing them things out.


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[Assistant] Um, yeah, we were in like, I think we were going through the chick's mom's bedroom dresser as one of us got blown.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah. It's non-stop witty banner. You wanna get into like non-stop witty banner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty tough when people bring that into real life situations and you're like, dude, are you 90s moving me right now? Did you ever hear a dude try to like 90s movie you in real life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, did you ever watch Rupert Sheldrake videos? No. This dude started this theory, like when anyone in the universe learns anything, everyone kind of also learns at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said there's, there's just memory in the air and like we just kind of absorb it at different levels. Dude, it's, it's crazy. Yeah, I believe, yeah. So they would do experiments where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they'd be like, here's a test, we're gonna let 10 people take the test, and then we're gonna let like, you know, 30, 40, 50, and he's like, people just get better at taking the test. Everyone gets better the more people who've taken the test. That was one experiment they did, where they were like, I don't know, pretty weird. It is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people out here harshing the fucking, the residents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, he got like chased out of science for that. He wrote that book. Uhm, I forget what the name of it was called. But like, dude, all of his scientists, boys, the scientists are such pussies about talking about cool shit. They're so clicky, man. They're so annoying about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of the dudes who come up with the wildest shit are the most far out weird people.


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[Assistant] One, two, three. You know, you can do that like the clock or whatever. Yeaah. That's something I found out and I love busting out on people. Like what time is it? I'll be like, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's a good move. That's a power move. It's a sick thing to be like, it's about probably 230.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like imagine if they did find it, like there actually was Reflection World.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, what is it? Three more years of this? Yeah, we've been crying, bro, is the absolute worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's literally, no, literally. People will be like, oh sweet, a lady's crying, go help her. Yeah. If you're a stranger going down, a hot lady's crying, you're just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a tough situation, man. It's so fucking dark. Yeaah, that's tough. And then like, you wanna tell yourself too, like, dude, I could probably kick my mom's boyfriend's ass. And then you see two grown men fight and you're like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's a good, that's a good back, uh, card to have in your back pocket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been in a road raid incident one time where a dude was popping off with like, like a 8 year old kid in the back of the car and I was like, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't do this to you, dude. I won't do this to you. Please stop. You don't want to have your boy watch you get your fucking ass kicked. Yeah. And he was just, dude, he was a fucking dork. He was spazzing, he was nerd spazzing on me and I was like, dude, brother. Stop it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, just imagine in your ass kicked by a family member, like, three quarters in the fight, like, dude, I don't want to hit you, I don't want to hit you, dude, I don't want to hit you, stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True dude, I'm gonna say, since I had this buzz, it's been on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been trying to start to leave the summers for a while. I'm just tanks all summer. I try to go tank all summer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. I didn't have- Dude, I didn't have tank confidence either and I just one day was like, dude, I'm bringing tanked out. It's kind of bullshit. All my, like, when I look at pictures of my uncles, dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got one the other day, uh, we were at soccer and I was like holding something and I had just striated forearms in the pick. And I was like, Britt, you, uh, did you see that pick from soccer? Couldn't stop. I was like, yes dude. It's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fell- I fall off so hard, and recently I got in, not even like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was at the gym with the most sinister energy. All morning I've had the most insane energy. I wake up, I've been trying to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so there's the eight limbs. So the first limb is just getting your, directing all of your life energy in one uniform flow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has to be deep, I have to have deep focus and intention on what I'm doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brain's just fluttering all over the place and I'm, that's, I'm, I'm already not on the first step. Yeah. Of the eight-fold, of, that's not the eight-fold. The eight limbs. But the eight limbs. Yeah, yeah. So you direct, you harness all of your energy. That's the number one thing. It's all in a unique, direct line where like, I know what I'm doing, I know what time I'm doing everything, my days plat, I'm in full control right now. Mhm. Of my time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, I think you gotta, like, then you let your body just chill as hard as you can. That's the second thing, learning how to just like completely chill your body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's the cool thing about it. There's zero, it's literally zero judgement. It's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only thing that matters if, if you're there playing video games and you're saying while you're playing videos like, oh man I should go be doing something else, then you're not on the path of yoga. The yogi would say, dude, you can't be a crowd within yourself. You need to be a singular entity and just fully do whatever it is you're doing, fully do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that's just, that's the second one. So as you, you learn how to harness your life energy and move it into a singular source of focus. And then the second one is getting your, so once you get like your


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Day to day, like, reality organized, then you focus on the body. Now you gotta fully relax the body. Cause it ended up trying to do stuff with the mind, you can't do it with an un-relaxed body, you're just chasing your tail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you have to learn how to like, fully identify tension in yourself and you're just constantly letting go of tension.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's by the way, that's an aside. You are dude, you are a very mythical thinker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cellu- that's why I think about my cellular kingdom. Today I finally nailed a day where I was like fu- dude, I'm like, I'm like one for twelve on directing my life energy successfully. I always do some bullshit. Then I go, damn it, this wasn't the plan. I constantly do that. I ca- it's so hard not to. Of being like, oh shit, my brother's calling me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I sidequest myself. Mhm. I sidequest- I get sidequested from my sidequests that I'm like, yea totally dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I do the same thing where I'm like, food shopping is just as important as anything else, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll do that all day long until I burn so much of a day and then I feel a pressure and I just go like I start getting real antsy in my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is something that I mean with all due respect, as a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Irish, Catholic, white dude are typically known to be kind of high strung. I've always admired black dude's ability to relax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I had this friend who was Jamaican, and it's not like people can get through that or whatever they want. I had this friend who was Jamaican who would like, I'd barge into his house and be like, oh god fucking, and then he'd be like, dude, sit down. He'd be like, sit down, chill. I'd be like, I would never chill, dude. I came from a culture where chilling was forbidden.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my mom would call and be like, what are you doing? Are you not working? And it was just this fucking never ending thing. And he'd be like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he was, he was, I had a Jamaican Chill Sensei, dude. He was like, I would go and he would chill. It's a lot of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we would sit down. I know chill, dude. We would sit down, and we would smoke weed, and he would every time, like, dude, sit down, smoke a joint with me, let's relax, and he would just, he would spin me out, and I would drive home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like tons of weed in my car just being like, I don't know about this. But, dude, we would chill. So, but the funny part is he was so adept at chilling that people just naturally started chilling in this dude's apartment and he'd have to sometimes, I could tell it pained him, but he'd have to like interrupt the chill. He'd be like, bro, you gotta get out. He'd be like, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Party's over. And it was just very casual, chilling, smoking weed. His house was never ending. Oh man.


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[Assistant] As you were in there smoking weed with him. He told me to chill. He did. I was very conscious, like, dude, I don't, I don't want him to be like, bro, chill. That's why I think he started being like, dude, you need to learn how to chill.


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[Assistant] His ability to keep the vibe going was crazy. He would just like flick on like low ambient trance like real. This is the sickest dude ever. He easily was. He would just flip on like ambient trance just like not even miss a beat. Like let me show you these new strains I got. Just fucking crack his head stash open. I'd be like dude, this guy knows how to fucking live.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, dude. Oh yea, I got something I gotta do. You know what? Yea dude, I'll get you every single time.


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[Assistant] So I'm talking to someone and they're like, dude, my father-in-law puts the most epic chills on in my house. And like, he'll do it while the dude's wife's working at night time.


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[Assistant] We'll just scroll conservative Facebook clips, play them through a Bluetooth speaker at full volume, and then comment on every single one through voice to text and be like...


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[Assistant] Just dude, just in his zone dude, just scrolling and be like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Hold up. Yo, this is bullshit. This is where my taxes are going? Got it.


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[Assistant] Next? What? Yea dude, it's pretty nuts dude. It's pretty nuts to be a geezer right now and have no context. For like...


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[Assistant] Just like the fact that like the political, like they just agree with the political party and they're like, there we go, like no context of like we're all kind of like, you know, inclined one way or the other.


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[Assistant] If you watch Century of the Self, they talk about, I think, Edward Bernays, who was Sigmund Freud's nephew.


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[Assistant] Who was the one who like went and figured out, like pretty early, I think in like the 20s or 30s, he went to these advertising companies, he was like, the average human being thinks with their spine. They're not aware of anything.


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[Assistant] And you can trick these idiots into buying anything you want by sending them like the right signals on TV. And the guy became a fucking gazillionaire. He starred at PR companies. He was like, dude, these guys, like, they were just kings like cutting people's heads off and he was like, bro,


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[Assistant] The term thinking with your spine is brutal. That's chilling. That's terrible, dude. I saw that, I went ahh. That's exactly what that is. That's deeply upsetting. Yea dude, and these guys were like, well bye Joe.


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[Assistant] These guys are dumber than we thought. I knew they were dumb, and like yea, just send them this. It's, it's, he wrote a book, cause he was so pumped up on what he found.


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[Assistant] Well, you know what? The most unfortunate thing nobody talks about is like, cause then you have special needs. Then you have dudes who like, exit special needs, but like...


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[Assistant] They have no safety tape on them, cause it's like, they're in the world, and nobody's being like, oh, this is a special guy, but everyone's just like, they just see them like, yep.


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[Assistant] Just outside of it, where they're like, some guy fucking gives you the one over, like. Yeah. Fuck you doing? How you doing man? Come on, get in there.


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[Assistant] Oh man. I think about the vagrancy laws a lot.


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[Assistant] Back in the day, if you weren't, if you were chilling, the cops would come in and just be like, Get the fuck up, dude. You weren't allowed to chill back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cops would come up, I don't know if they could run up in your house, but if you're outside chilling, cops would be like, what the fuck are you doing?


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[Assistant] There was a dude who used to post up outside my old job, I worked.


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[Assistant] I worked in an office two different times, both only for several months at a time. This was my first office stint and I'd walk out every day and a dude would sit with fucking a Walkman tape player and headphones and put on like, no lie, six, seven, eight, like a sick, like an all day shift. I'd see him in the morning, come out and see the dude.


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[Assistant] This guy was, although, you know, he was pretty peaceful. He chilled and stared out of a building. All, from the outside of a building, just stared. Didn't ask anyone for anything. Just fucking stared out from the PNC Center.


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[Assistant] I get really whacked out about that thought, like how there's dudes that just get completely lost in the shuffle and lose the thread completely and just wander around just like, I fucking lost it dude, I don't remember what.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that guy can geolocate anywhere in the earth because of the way he did gears.


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[Assistant] I recently came across a nasty, I think it's a science fact, I don't know if this is up for debate, but they were saying


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[Assistant] That if you were to drop a pebble into a pond, and then freeze the body of water,


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[Assistant] Kind of. Okay, yeaah. But yeaah. Same thing. So what's the CD, how do you, what's the CD-ROM do? It's like a sliver of information that... Yes. Yeaah. Yes, exactly. It contains all of it in one. Right. But at a lower resolution.


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[Assistant] It's just the craziest fucking shit that they're just like...


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[Assistant] So yeaah, that's a, you know, it's a wave and a particle simultaneously based on who's looking at it. And everyone's just like, no, it's, your science proves that this is a thing. Or the way they detect it, like the- That's what I'm always doing.


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[Assistant] You would see on the back, it would go just through the hole, and you would see where they hit, like, on the back of the wall. But if it was a wave, they would hit like at different points, like dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, through the thing.


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[Assistant] The problem is, is when you're, even if they monitor it afterwards, that's what people say against the observer effect. They say, well, it's not humans watching it, it's the equipment. But I think they've, I don't know, but I think they've replicated that and maybe controlled for that too. I don't know. I remember one time we were watching something. Because the equipment would still make it.


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[Assistant] And how they would do it. Dude, there's a big battle in physics to stop physics from becoming that. People are trying to make physics sick as hell. All these nerds being like, nuh-uh.


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[Assistant] Oh my god. Uhm, what are we talking about right now? The gears, so what about the gears? So how do you do it? Yeah, yeah, so yeah, yeah, different metals. That was brilliant.


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[Assistant] Dude, we were saying before we started, I genuinely, the mission here, we were saying is to give people the maximum amount of fun.


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[Assistant] Russia's been like, yo, they have a ton of Nazis over there. And Ukraine's like, oh dude, our fucking president or whatever is Jewish, how dare you even bring that up? And then there's a guy from Russia who is like,


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[Assistant] I don't know dude, like you can't prove that Hitler wasn't at least part Jewish. So they hit him with that, which apparently, I didn't know that was like a weird thing, that was like a bad, that's like another, I always learn like holocaust facts, like questions you're not allowed to say or answer.


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[Assistant] Did you learn that? That's like, that's something like, if I were to learn that, I'd be like, oh shit, that's kind of shocking. There's like, if you say that apparently, cause this is what happened, Russia was like. That sounds like a Snapple fact.


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[Assistant] I've been one, I'll be honest, I've been one when Jewish people complain and be like, will you knock it off? Now looking back, I'm like, dude, there have been multiple movements throughout different eons to be like, we gotta get, we just gotta say peace out.


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[Assistant] We were all holocaust and like different groups of people were, it was fully on to holocaust and other group of people in like prehistory. You know, you're a Mongolian, you're like, oh, these dudes? I'm gonna kill all of them. That was the, that was like a good military leader.


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[Assistant] Technically on paper, back in prehistoric times, please don't take that out of context.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but like, dude, no, you can't, no way. We told, we said we're not doing this anymore, dude.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. You can't go full Genghis Khan in 1940.


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[Assistant] That would be kinda scary to be like, dude, cause every time it's like, come on man.


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[Assistant] You guys are basically white, come on, and it's like yeaah, you start reading this stuff, like you have to like, cause then like everyone's bringing you like Holocaust, you have to become a master of the Holocaust, cause people try to debunk it, and you're Jewish, and you're like, so you gotta research all this shit, like no, there was actually another insurrection in like the year 1200 in Turkey where we got rounded up in this, it's terrible.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of Russian historians. If you try to debunk the Holocaust, a Russian historian is like, come here brother. Didn't Dostoevsky write a book about


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[Assistant] Who's being motherfuckers? I think, I think it was, yeah, no, it wasn't Dostoevsky, I think it was, uh, who's the other dude Peterson sweats? Okay, yeah. Dostoevsky's like the fool in like crime and punishment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Solzhenitsyn apparently wrote a book that like, you know, if you bring up Solzhenitsyn, it's like, you know, Gulag Archipelago, apparently everyone likes it, apparently he wrote another book that was like, whoa bro, yo bro, not quite the near, someone could have won a time machine, like dude, I don't know if he runs the New York Times bestseller list, but they're not gonna like this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, people have, everyone's seen the Jews have been like, we gotta contain this. From a historical perspective. Thank God, you know.


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[Assistant] You know, that doesn't happen anymore. I wonder why it doesn't happen anymore. I wonder who'd have to be in control. We're kidding! We love you guys!


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[Assistant] We're nice. The Persians were like, you guys are good, man. Who rescued them from the Egyptians? The Babylonians, I think? Thought Moses. Thought Moses helped them escape.


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[Assistant] They hate to break your teeth shit. No, I don't know, maybe that happened. But I think like another people came in and were like, nah, you guys get on out of here. Like another group restored the temple. They were like, nah, you guys got that.


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[Assistant] Got burnt on the deal. Yea, we like to have fun, dude. Again, what we're trying, this is a fun time, dude.


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[Assistant] I got enough in the tank where I can be fully blown off the face of the earth dude. Oh my god. I think about it all the time.


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[Assistant] Here's the thing, I always fall back- this is a serious, uh, security I have in my life. Having like, the fact that all my family does construction, I can literally say anything I want and not be unhireable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There will always be a place where like, come here brother. Come here brother, it's all good. And the construction world will hire anyone but pedophiles pretty much.


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[Assistant] Uh, dude, like, warehouses, like, like, you know when you like drive up to New York, to New York from Philadelphia and you pass like a stretch of like desolate like, like some sort of hedgehog levels? Yeah, yeah, yeah, rebutnix layer.


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[Assistant] I was working, I worked at a place doing social work and they started laying pedophiles on me. Or sex offenders were pedophiles by nature. But they were like, I had to try to help this one dude get a job. And it was like, I was really policing. Cause like, the lady was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they can work at like, she was trying to say he could work at like, the apple store. And I'm like, dude, this guy can't work at the fucking apple store. And I'll go back and forth, I'm like, I'm burying this dude in a fucking warehouse. If I even get him. First of all, this is not on the top of my to do list, I'll tell you that.


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[Assistant] I eventually got him off my caseload because I'm like, I don't care if this guy, if anything works out for this guy, and it's just, that's just how I feel. So I'm like, please, I told you I didn't want to, I told her before. I was like, I don't want to work with sex offenders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, I try, I try to be nice. I was like, dude, let it go and chill. And then I'm sitting there like-


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[Assistant] I was, as long as I was honest, if I, if there's a conflict of interest and you're honest about it, you're good. Cause I'd be, I'd be preventing him from getting the best care possible.


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[Assistant] No, I just was like, for me it was more, I've actually, to the chagrin of my school board, I told them that I don't go by ethical codes, I make my own code of conduct, which they didn't like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little did they know, cause usually that's kind of intimidating, I had like fantasized for hours of facing a board, and just being able to sit there and be like, well actually, uh, actually about that, like, I hit him with love fulfills the law at one point, I was like, yeaah, I mean that's a very, you know, you guys know all your rules, it's a very like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, who's anybody to sit and like, you know, talk through this process and set these rules and like, I just think that can set up a dynamic where that could be unfair, where people who have less power could be preyed upon. Dude, they were just sitting there like, dude, fuck you, man. Fuck you, dude. I see you've studied the blade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, no, no, no, no, let's get this straight, just to be clear, you're the one disenfranchising people, and they're like, I don't know about that. We gotta be comfortable in the ambiguity that comes with these situa- that's all they say. Let's just sit in the ambiguity that comes with the situations, be comfortable with that, within the fact that there aren't any real answers. Dude, that was a school for that, and I was just like, that's a fuck.


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[Assistant] I mean, I get what they're saying for sure, but I weaponize that and use that against them. With glee.


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[Assistant] One thing to get kicked out is if I get kicked out it will be even better. It will be so sick.


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[Assistant] For my bio to get kicked out of fucking graduate school for social work? I was like, I told my, I told the dean, I'm like, bro.


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[Assistant] Your move. They were kind of bluffing, I was like, I actually liked the Dean, but I was like, if you do this, understand this will work out well for me. So I'm like, go ahead and do that, I am not afraid of you to do that at all. Cards on the table.


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[Assistant] To be fair, there's a very few dude, there's a few but elite squadron of social workers that reach out to me and they're like, dude all this bullshit is so fucking stupid and I hate it. And they have to deal with all the bullshit like political correctness and how


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[Assistant] Poorly, that kind of layers onto the reality of dealing with people who are genuinely poor and disenfranchised and like, how, like if you're actually trying to help them build a good life, that shit just comes in like fucking like, space invaders missiles and just


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[Assistant] Dude, for like a guy to like not show up, like there was a dude who was like, needed income, so bad, needed to get like a house plan, he was like, bro, I found you a job, here's the number, the guy said he'll definitely hire you. And the dude was like, I'd be like, yo, did he call you like two days later? Nah, he never called me, and I'd call him back like, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you're starting to fight with me and you're lying. You have to do shit like that. Yea, but that's like taboo.


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[Assistant] Like, who am I? It was like, dude, don't do that, and know what you're doing, and just bullshit what you're doing. But yea, it would be like, well let's sit back and explore this, maybe? I don't wanna say you didn't, it's like, there's things you gotta be like, dude. Stop, dude. You're playing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was single or if like say like I opened up my marriage to like a bisexual relationship, if I had to sit there and kiss a guy, I'd be so nervous to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thinking about like a thing for getting pussy and I'm like, I was gonna say like, well I wouldn't do it cause I'm married, but I'm like, what if I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and there's like, there's, it's nice to do that, like they say they're supposed to meet people where they at, where they're at. So you can't be like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? So you can be like, dude, I can see that, but they're, what they were denying was the flip side of the tapestry of like, but dude, here's what I'm seeing from my vantage point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just like, do you know where her situation started? Or just someone that's been plugged into a functional family that are entirely, like a highly functional family. There's stuff that just lays outside of your awareness that you're just gonna be, like until someone's like, no dude, dig this, you go, oh shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well it's also like, I feel like majority of people isn't that, but there's a lot of people who sleep on the amount of people like that there are out there.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, well the other thing too is like if you give people a little bit of, if they get like some sort of a paradynamic at job, I've seen people fully just revert into like total monster. Mhm.


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[Assistant] That's pretty, that is, I also kind of think that's funny though. People get like the slightest crumb of power and abuse it immediately. It makes me laugh so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah,


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[Assistant] That is the warrior, that's the warrior's path. I mean, do you think of anything better? Like releasing like a 90 day no fap into just a beautiful buxom queen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was a girl in the military I knew who was saying like, her sergeant or somebody, it was like the ROTC, but she was like, they all had the barracks and he had himself, he had caved, carved himself out like a, a full bed setup and like a private thing. And he was constantly asking the chicks like, yo, just, you know, if you have any questions just come by, you know, probably I got my room. He was like trying to smash the chicks up. Non-stop dude. And you were, dude, you were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's part, as part of the design, you're there to be like, you can have this, you can't have, you can fully domination daddy. But you can't, like if they, if you get caught having sex, then it's fucked. But like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, I know like that they call it, they joke and call it the 13th step, which is like to smash somebody in the program. But yeah, there's, I heard there's, there's a lot of halfway houses where it's similar, where like the dude running the halfway house, it'll be, they'll set up, you can own a halfway house. This is like the, this is like the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Height, if you want to get into like the high levels of the recovery world as someone who was like smoking meth for a long time, you just, you give an honest go at it, save up the cash to get your own halfway house going, then you're a group leader at all the meetings and you have a girl side and a dude side. And you're the one being like dudes, you know, you can't violate over there. And my boy was saying like these dudes would have like multiple girlfriends in these houses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Cool. And it's like, dude, you can call the fucking probation officer anytime.


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[Assistant] Anyone I've talked to in a halfway house is like clawing at the walls, like get me out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look what I'm dealing with, come on, get on my way back. And if you just show up at work, that's the other thing too I've said about like, getting fucked up on drugs for a long time, like it, you know, it sucks to do it, but then like on the way back, it's like, dude, show up for one week of work and everyone's like, bro, nice. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda nice. All you gotta do is just not do drugs from then on and everyone's like, no, he's doing fantastic. He's actually doing really really well.


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[Assistant] You don't get it, bro. You don't get it. Everyone's r- yeah, it's funny. It is funny watching somebody do that to like, I'm clean, I'm good, then be like, dude, you know what? Everybody but me's wrong, and you're like, nooo, don't do that.


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[Assistant] You know who's an asshole? You know what's not my fault? And you're like, ehhh. What is ownership of property anyway? That is always a shitty thing to clock like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sunset back into hard relapse where it's like, alright, finally you got it. And it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You alright, dude? And then it's like, fuck shit, and then it's just one wild event, and you're like, yeah, I knew it, fuck. Yeah, people really love heroin, man. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's gotta be great. True. Well, uh, let's slide into a deeper level of the temple, dude. What are you talking about? Slide into the Q&A.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, having your pants too short is a sign of a broken home. Too short? Yeah, you're wearing hand-me-downs that are too small for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always wear my pants just long enough. Maybe that's why people thought I had a good home. It was like just long with a little bit of bagginess. By the book, by the book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I went semi-baggy for a little while, but it was just too hard to do the activities that I liked to do on a regular basis. It's not easy to climb trees in baggy pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I kind of stayed out of the fluctuating size of clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Space! It can't fucking end! Yeah, but it would have to be, in a sense, it would have to be filled. Like the space would have to be filled in order for there to be no space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While it's difficult to understand, in your dreams it can make sense. Like you can't really make sense of this right now, but in your dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I just want to say from a sci-fi perspective, if you're trying to solve that situation, if you're trying to like, how do you end space? You have to fill it. Well, then the theoretical end of space has to be matter because you can't fill it with anything that doesn't fit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, what is your most uh, pressing issue about space?


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[Assistant] So I was thinking about this day of the day, why science is so weakly reliable anymore, right? And the way it got kind of corrupt. So, uh, there was a time when science was like thicker, because the way you learned science was by recreating science. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's not done to the same level like it was before because they were on the ground floor of the experiments that led people to their conclusions. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean even like, uh, like in the, like the internet makes the teaching of science a little more difficult because it gets diluted. I hear you're saying, I hear you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? So everything that led up to that, they have no concept of. Only through the telling of information, not through like the hands on experience of recreating those experiments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do that. It's a private school that actually goes from fucking daycare, like early age daycare all the way through high school. Damn. Fuck. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah, it is pretty sick. And so they would like pair older kids up with younger kids and stuff. But again, uh, like religion class just seems like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would've been- like I went to a public school my whole entire life, that would've- like parents would've been up in arms.


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[Assistant] What is the type of rebellion that pisses off a teacher in religious class?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god dude, I didn't get that dude. I was so jealous. I was so jealous. So wait, so here's my question though, because different people would be assholes in different classes. Like there would be like, like for me, like I liked my history teachers a lot of the time, so I'd like shut up and listen and not give them any flack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was nuts. See that's crazy because we have familiarity because we did kind of go through school with each other but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it? What was it better to have though? A nun or what was the other person?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From a public school perspective, the idea of like being so bad that a nun had to hit you was like the ultimate in childhood rebellion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I always had a fantasy of being the kid that like when all the kids are walking into class and like there's a nun teacher and like her head is down for most of the people but then when I walk in she pops up and follows me with her eyes just to let me know she's got her eye on me. Oh, that would be tight. That was like that, like that was my idea of like Catholic school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had two years in high school where I had the exact same people in my classes and we developed such a tight bond. Yeah, it was crazy. Two years. I could not imagine. Whole time, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, our detentions were so fucking tense because you didn't know who in detention was like a slip up and might be a snitch. Yeaah. Because some people got detention because they would be like late two times in a row, but they'd be good kids, but circumstances- You run into a lifer who-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucked up, dude. So yea, you couldn't, like, you couldn't really- You get turned out. Dude, I- I got snitched on plenty of times. Cause like if you- Yea, be careful. If the detention room is like fucking up, uh, and they don't know who did it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, okay. Man, our field trips were fuckin' expensive. We had to pay for all of the field trip, our fuckin' spot on the bus, our f- like they'd give us a stipend for food, but we paid into that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it was, like, our, our field trips were like $75,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's get some suggestions too if you guys are out there and you want to give us ideas. Yea, that would be fun to do a trick shot. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's part of realizing that you're in the adult world again. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We had this teacher named Mr. McAfee. He was the only one that would really instill any sort of physical punishment on people. And he used to be a football player. He got a really bad injury so he couldn't turn to the left. He couldn't turn his neck to the left. So every time, so people would fuck with him. Little people have to get injured into teaching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, well he didn't, he didn't, he wasn't a buzz cut guy. He had something closer to what you have right now. So to me that's short.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. He let it go long enough. And what he would do when he finally realized who the culprit was, he would, he would, he would jack them up. He would grab, he would go up and grab them by their collars and jack them up and like pull them out of there. He was giant. And like lift them up out of their seat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was fun, watching people get jacked up and check hooked. That was pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, so that shit got cracked down on when I was a junior in high school. He was a 7th grade teacher and so now I'm a junior in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right? So that shit got, he was the first casualty to go. He went immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got some, I got some buzzy me hugs. Did you? From teachers, yea. When you guys first started talking about teachers, I was like starting to recall teachers and immediately the biggest titties teachers started lining up first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in my teacher's titties that whole entire year. What? Cause in fourth grade, I was hit by a car and I was out for the whole entire fourth grade. Okay. And I was like, well, like when I, like they finally brought me back into like the last weeks of school. Back from the day. And I was like in a wheelchair and like the people were cheering for me. So it was like a big deal. You were Degrassi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've talked about this. That's basically what I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the sky's the limit, imagination wise. That's true. You know what I mean? So that's, that's when that shit can work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why we call it breaking down. Yeah. Yeah, you're breaking down. You're falling apart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ainsley put me on a quick fix for my sleeping issue. She said if you get 20 minutes of sun before 1130, you can get your body back on a normal sleeping schedule. She just heard her read that somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, I've been trying to get at least some shirtless time outside a day. Can I ask you guys a question?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Electric. Yeah, you burn it with a gas motor. You don't burn it. Is that what it is? Yeah, cause it gets so hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause like, you're burning it, even when you cut it high. So it's the fumes you're saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like so, like underneath the, uh, so here's why I know this. Because some, somebody in my town, they got caught under a fucking mower. Really bad accident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First took hold. But here's the deal. So, I cut, we cut our, our caress is shaded by a lot of trees. See?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we don't get a lot of direct sunlight all day long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's alright, it's fine, it's for the best. It's tough, it's tough when it doesn't get a lot of sunlight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was watching his girlfriend laugh harder at your joke than he's ever seen her laugh. Could be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it does make sense. It was like almost like a Ponzi scheme where he's like paying you with the money he owes you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, he had to shit in an outhouse in a box and wipe his ass with a newspaper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I constantly let him know that my ass has never felt nothing but two ply. Really? He's like pshhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically. Yeah. Like he did all these, again, once he got fucking indoor plumbing in the 80s and shit, he was like, this is all I need.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is kind of funny to wish somebody died over a minor annoyance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would, we, so we would read something, the next day we would discuss it in class, as a whole entire class, like what we read, and then we'd have to answer questions about it. So you could, I totally got away with not reading anything. Because we would talk about it a little bit in class, and I'm like, if you can't answer these questions after being told the fucking answers, you're a retard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I told Ansley, I just told Ansley today, I was like, listen, I appreciate everything you do for me, but you should always stay on your toes because I could totally live with a bitch wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I could at this point. Like you could push her over the edge is what you're saying? I just wouldn't care. You know what I mean? Like I can check out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She sometimes thinks that being cool should grant her more romantic gestures and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you can be a good girl, but don't try to like come here and throw a good girl in my face. You know how hard it is for them to act like that? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm looking for a time when people start flexing with all-terrain vehicles. Instead of really little sports cars and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like the difference between like, I hope they locked him away forever and he played too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I think about this a lot because like if you were gay, like a gay, a gay guy, they're still guys. Sure. They're gonna be thinking of like the funnest, most weirdest ways to cum on each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like if I had, like if somebody had on like, you know, like a silky enough scarf, you know, like out of season, they could definitely have you drinking martinis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, but they're still not top Gs. They're still not top Gs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it just sounds like too many like v-neck sweaters, you know? Like that's not- A lot of v-necks. Tough life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And none. You each have too much power and none at all at the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we were talking about the aspects of straight edge, like the other day I thought about going on a slapping spree in Best Buy. Just like smacking everybody in the fucking Best Buy. Where? Uh, Best Buy. Like in the head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How gratifying would it have been at that moment to smack the shit out of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She eventually, well she waited exactly four minutes, and then she was like, I'm leaving. I'm gonna go get it somewhere else. So she made a big display. You've lost a customer. Yeah. So now it's 14 minutes for me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And at that four minutes, I was like, dude, just because you're an old lady doesn't mean I won't smack you too. You know what I mean? And that's what I was like, dude, cause if I smacked her, I would have to smack everybody in the store. Cause it's like, she's probably, it's probably like the- You stole the princess. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they act like you don't know what's going on, like, I know you're enjoying this shit. You're watching these people out here squirm with no other alternative, you know, and they're stuck here, pissed off, and you're enjoying that, there's nothing more you can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably like a little, like one of the perks of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, a lot of employees in the customer service area, when they're being shitty employees, they're actually trying to create a situation where you blow up or you do something so they have the story to share.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it's also funny to think of the idea of like a homeless person in line at Starbucks and has to shit really bad trying to pretend in line he's not a homeless person. You know what I mean? Trying to be in line.