[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think he says that his, his gird, uh, contributes to, uh, to the raspiness of, uh, of his voice. I think he said, uh, during the Anthony Padilla interview, it's gird. It's like acid reflux.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically, basically it's stomach acid going into his esophagus, and I think it's corroding, uh, his larynx, like his whole voice spikes. So I think that's what gives it, like, uh, you know, a very guttural, raspy, uh, you know, tone in addition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah. Uh, it would be the fucking porno, the porn parody that I'm gonna do with Mia Malkova.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the idea, the idea behind the porn parody is that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's gonna be like me, like, it still has to be written, but the idea is that it's like a cheesy fuckin' porno, like, horrible, like funny, stupid dialogue, and then it's like we go into a hotel room after a night out, I'm wearing the helmet, and uh, and then I'll be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you should be like, you know, oh yeaah, you wanna, you know, you wanna, you wanna have fun, or whatever, and be in bed, like, getting undressed, and be like, yeaah, let me go into the bathroom and change into something more comfortable, and then I'm gonna go into the bathroom and then, uhm, emerge as a, like, six foot five,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'll be behind the camera with a mic, you know, doing a live dub and then, you know, it's just gonna be a lot of coordination between me and the male porn star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cause I'm gonna say something and he's gonna have to do what I'm saying. Yeah. Or like act like I'm talking, et cetera, et cetera. And that's the idea. And we're gonna call it Shaggerholes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Chad, you can see his Kappa tattoo on his shoulder, and this is crap. He posted it to his fucking Twitter, with his literal cock out, his literal, yeaah, here's the actual fucking image.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone in General Sam Bryan has requested that Discord block any messages our mostly accurate bots deem to be explicit. So the message isn't sent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just Chad and his micro penis wearing my helmet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude, when this episode is finished, uhm, can you send me the, the thing so that I can watch over it and my lawyer can also watch over it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, whatever floats your boat. Dude, they had fucking, they had tier lists, dude. You really, you really know, like, the buttons to push. What? You really know. You really, you really know. I've never met these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, was it, was it coconut bee or? Anyone like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little, I mean, there was a, dude, during that, during that fucking OTV rice server, like, it was, there was this one thing with coconut where, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, everybody thinks I'm an asshole. It's cause I like killed XQC and people got really mad. And uhm, I was like, yea, people think I'm an asshole. And then he goes, you are an asshole. And he was like, it sounded like he was being like completely legit. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeah, people I've met, I've met a couple of YouTubers that uhm, and also I know a lot, the weirdest thing about being, like coming into this space and, and meeting YouTubers and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hearing the stories, like hearing like the behind the scenes, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this guy does this, he did this, he did this, she did this, she did this, you know, like, hearing all of the behind the scenes, like, dirt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On, on YouTubers is, is fucking, is, is crazy, cause like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of these family-friendly YouTubers, dude, are fucking awful people. Like really, really awful people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know, eventually you reach a plateau, and then you're like, okay, well, the best thing that I can do is just coast, and make content that I enjoy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as long as you're growing even 10,000, 20,000 subs a month, like slow, consistent growth,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] TF2 is poppin'. I'm gonna hit up TF2. Oh, uhm, oh, now, now, now, Fortnite's poppin'. I'm gonna be a Fortnite YouTuber. You know, eh, oh, now Among Us is poppin'. I'm gonna be an Among Us YouTuber.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, do those videos, like, I'm not a fan of Minecraft content usually, but, you know, cause I feel like a lot of it's for, like, watered down shit for kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But something about like that dude's series, it like, it speaks to kind of a broader, a broader demographic, and I feel like more people can pick it up and enjoy it. And also, it's also like a little bit of his story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's being fleshed out too. So I can also appreciate like the narrative and the work. You know, it isn't like brain dead fucking 20 minutes of raw Minecraft footage, um, you know, like Yag's cash shit. It, it, you know, it's actually produced and there's a narrative and there's voiceover and there's b-roll and effects and all that. You know, uh, what we're said. There's effort put into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, he's that sexy guy that plays guitar. He's, he's over age, right? I can say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't want to turn your kids into Jojo Siwa and make billions of dollars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're so fucking blinded by like their love for their newborn baby or for like their toddler and like they love it so much and they're like I need to show the world how fucking beautiful my baby is and they'll just post like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, like, fuck Facebook for taking down, like, this picture, like, this is all natural, this is my beautiful baby boy. It's like, no you fucking retard, it's because you're posting fucking child porn, and, and, and they're trying to protect your kid from yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is insane, dude. Social media, like Facebook, I had to delete that shit like fucking seven or eight years ago. I do not have a fucking Facebook account. Fuck that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's scary, dude. It is, you know, the reason for all this is for my own peace of mind. It is a forced separation between people and myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. I've been recognized many times in Melbourne without any of this shit on. Yeah, I went to like a fucking Bunnings, which is like Izzy Home Depot. And, uh, I was fucking picking up like a, like some kind of fucking fluid pipe from my bidet. And, uh, you know, I'm like, hey, like, I think I need something like this. Do you have it? And the guy's looking at me like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they have a phone in their hand, if they're angling it up towards me, if they're going to prime to take a picture, that kind of thing. But, but none of them ever do. A lot of them have a lot of respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, there was a dude, uh, at the, at her, uh, at her party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lied, uh, he stole a fucking wristband that got him like to like the backstage thing, said he was a friend of his uncle's, they had never spoken before, and this dude like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was there and you know, this isn't the first time that he's, that he's, you know, stepped in when we were out and somebody took a photo of me. He literally grabbed this dude by his neck, grabbed the phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looked at, it was on Snapchat, he looked at his pictures, and like, he was taking pictures like the entire night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of like just like around the back room, people like taking pictures, they have the information.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, he deleted them all, deleted them from recently deleted, went on Snapchat, fucking deleted everything, like, the whole deal, and he fucking grabbed this guy with the scruff of the neck, he fucking threw him down, he started pushing him out the door, kept pushing, he pushed him all the way out the venue, uhm, and, and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like he, he cleaned up, he cleaned up and he, and he handled it. And then there was another time when we were at a club and some fucking drunk guy took a photo of me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, and all of us sitting and I go, I go, I think that dude just took a photo and Gatsby just fucking, you know, just smiles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It opens his eyes, he's like, oh yeaah? And so he got up, he grabbed, yeaah, he grabbed the phone, he's like, what the fuck are you doing, you know, taking pictures of Ice, and the dude's like, I need to take a picture of you, the dude was on something. He looks at the phone, he's like, yeaah, no, there's a fucking picture right here that you just took of Ice, you fucking idiot, and you're just giving this guy hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the guy was like, nah, I'm not gonna leave. He goes, okay, well you want your phone? And he fucking frisbees it across the club all the way to the other side. He fucking frisbees his phone all the way to the other side of the club. He goes, you want your phone? Go get it. Go get it. Go get your phone. Go get your phone if you want it so bad. And then he laughed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he sat back down, he's like, you guys want a beer, brother? And I was like, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I guess that's really, I guess it's really it, uh, for the, for the show, unless you have anything else to ask me about or, or anything to end on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, it's me, Poob. You can tell that it's me, Poob, because my face is moving right now, and if I was stault...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There would be an image of Stalt on the screen right now. That idiot, but right now it's me. Poob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, you can check us out on Patreon at Forehead Fables if you want early access to every public episode that gets uploaded, and a whole bunch of exclusives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless you're watching this on Patreon right now, in which case...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you got like a real thick hog. Know what I'm saying? Like a real double fister. I bet it's like a, like a tree trunk with a big thick pumpkin on top. Yeah, probably not orange though. Yeah, I like that. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Hey, what's up? Hey, how we doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw the clip of him candidly bringing me up organically and it being blown out of proportion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should just get an editor. I, uh, like I was terrible at editing my videos from streams. Because like, you don't know when you're funny. But I just, uh, is he just leaving? Dude, we got one person on this podcast. What the fuck, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm ready. Okay, where do you live? Uh, don't say this in the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I don't tell him anything, man. Okay. This isn't public knowledge, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of that, I had to wake up early for this. Oh shit. Set an alarm for 8.30.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's all good, but it's a little hungover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know what Game Grumps is. I really, I'm not a big Game Grumps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Impact is bomb though, man. It looks great. There's nothing wrong with it. Definitely better than comic sans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like 20 second clips from like random streams that I don't watch. It's usually somebody, it's like the most popular clip too. I gotta be that streamer that no one knows. Get into the algorithm and it worked. I got like a million views on a Twitch clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, I thought grooming like by definition was like underage person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's pretty weird. I don't know if it's illegal or cancelable, but it's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, half there, half away, so. Gotcha. A little grooming went on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Jesus wasn't a talker. He really was?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm scared that kid's gonna come for me. He probably is, yeaah. How old is that picture? That picture's old as shit. That kid is my age now, I'm 19. So he's like the same age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You get a checkmark on Twitch, which is pretty badass. People make such a big deal out of it, and you get zero things. Not even a hoodie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what you do get is an exclusivity deal. They take you away, that's what you get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was actually gonna try to stream like Rust on a porn site, and I was going through with the whole process just as a bit. Yeah. And, uh, it's actually very extensive, like they take your ID and they have to verify you gotta send multiple forms of identification. What, on Pornhub? Now they do, right? Yeah, I tried to do Pornhub. And you have no idea how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like 75% was taken off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually just don't run it, like I have no, it's kinda like I don't see it, I'm not really responsible for it. No, but that's the problem is you are responsible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, at a certain size, what are you supposed to do? If you got like a hundred thousand people, you happy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, things that don't exist? No dude, I swear to god, I had this one friend who one time, and he had claimed he had split personality for like years, and one time got really worked up, and he actually like full on committed and changed everything. He's a pretty believable character.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds like you're laying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just private about like, my locations. I'm not private about much else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't like grow up there. I cut like half some jeans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't even have like an animation or anything, you just press open and it pops a skin in your inventory. Well, but what happened was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People were asking about it on stream and obviously, I'm not gonna spend my own money on that. It's like the worst thing ever. So I just like, set a don't know goal for the stream and was like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is just gonna go to a case opening. But for some reason that was like the most profitable day on Twitch I've ever had. Like within one hour it was like two grand. Of course all of it went down the drain into those cases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it's other people, it's not, uh, it's not on you. Like if some random guy shout in any voice game. Oh really? You don't get banned for that. I've seen people get banned for that though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but you can't be banned for that. What?!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't laugh. If someone drops an N-word hard R on my stream, I do not laugh. That's why Brian couldn't be a streamer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, that's kind of why I have other channels, is like, uh, I don't subscribe to like the old mentality of doing YouTube of just like slapping everything on one channel and like some videos get like a million views and then you post fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some other game get like 5 views. Cause it's pretty difficult to just post whatever, unless it's just based around like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You. That's why I started other channels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, now listen man, shuttled up. Okay, alright, here's the difference. Spoonkid2, I just paced someone to make my streams into videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Russ is just easy to stream for long hours. Like when I play other games, it's kinda harder to stream for like 12 hours. It just fucking changed games. Well no, I'm just saying like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stream some other shit, but it's just like, I can't do that for as long. How often do you stream? Maybe 30 hours a week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even play like. Is that tax deductible?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever done a sponsored stream? Like where you have to play a game for the stream?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So basically the whole stream, you're just trying to keep it together, like figuring out things to do, but the game is made so that you can't play for more than 5 minutes without spending money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just basically just like, xing out fuckin' advertisements.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they gave, they gave me like, I was allowed to spend $50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that I shouldn't get more sponsors. I get the downloads and don't get the wrong idea. I'm a great guy to sponsor for this sort of thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I played this vikings game, I opened the game, I hadn't opened it yet, so I hadn't done like the prerequisite tutorial or anything. So I tried to like rush through it on stream, but no, definitely, you don't have to do it that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to be an inside joke with the chat that it's supposed to be bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so much fun, it's way more fun than any other stream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have the game, the game pays an ad agency a ton of money. You speak to the ad agency, that guy only cares about getting the download so he gets his cut. He doesn't care how you do that. So I kinda just am like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever like, do you get a lot of responses reaching out to the companies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I usually just wait for them to reach out to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I mean they reach out at any level, like I have a couple friends who have like a hundred who get some, and their download cap's just lower. I think it's you Poov, I think it's just- I think it might be you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went for one year last year and then dropped out. Oh yea? What were you majoring in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you wanna be one of the big finance guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I used to have, I had like a typing curriculum in 5th grade, and like if you were really good at typing, you didn't have to do it. And because I had played so much RuneScape growing up,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like out of like a hundred kids, I was the only one, I didn't have to do it because I could type so fast already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wanted to talk about GIMP. That's actually like a big part of my content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, I don't know anything about Dr. C's band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full naked women, yeaah. Have you seen all the hot tub streamers like faking clips? Like acting bad to get like viral clips so that they make fun. Basically like trying to look like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see that clip of that chick queef it into the mic? You haven't seen that? You have to look at that. That's like 5 million views. I don't know how you- Sam and Brian showed me that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just realized a small detail about this clip that I hadn't noticed before is that she actually does that for each sub. Woah. For 250 you can get, you know. Holy shit. The little head of queef. Can she queef the ABCs?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what's with that? Like these professional setups? Like, neon lights?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I'm coming out as an Arizonian. Forehead fables.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was one time that, there was one time that I was like out with friends, like in like a field somewhere late at night. I don't know what we were doing, but like there was cops that came and all my friends were white.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They took all my white friends over and were like, you guys are good, get in the car. And then they like questioned me for no reason. I felt a little bit slighted because I looked very like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's pretty often. I'm in like an urban area, like, you know, but if you go out in the middle of nowhere, it's pretty...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose that would be an easy way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna make an ult. That's for the next time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you can just, I was just spoon kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Poob, do you ever feel guilt being a streamer? Like, getting donos and stuff? You ever get hit with like, guilt? Yeah, no, I know you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this one kid, I had this one kid donate 9 grand and threw like bits and subs and then his mom emailed me. Cause it was like a 16 year old kid who stole her credit card to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well here's what I, here's, here's the problem is he did it through like, he did it through like mobile Twitch. So each sub is like six dollars and I get two. So I was like, I can give you like half of it. Well we're not on Twitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I told her like, go to Twitch, I don't know, if they don't help you, you can come back. I got the payout, I don't think they gave it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, that's what you'd think, but I think for fraud, like, it doesn't work if it's like your teenage son who you give your credit card to buy food or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, with that stuff it's through Twitch, but PayPal is like, on the streamer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so weird to just like quit, like, halfway through. Well, one of them didn't quit, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we had, this one's a speed podcast. Because, uh, Poob has to go on a trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, cuz I sat there- Cuz I guarantee they do. Last episode I railed against Nazis in the Discord and now if you go to the fucking Discord it's just a Nazi haven. Yep. It's so weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, wait, okay, wait, you wanna make fun of somebody that's actually really close to us and it's gonna hurt his feelings if he hears this? Not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, he was the guy where if a new game came out, he was like, aw shit dude, I need to play that. So you'd go down to GameStop with his old games and sell them to GameStop to get the money to buy the new game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a fucking revolving door of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I never got the appeal of talking behind someone's back when, cause like, doing it to their face is so much funnier. Cause then you get their angry...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gonna be in that fuckin' tax bracket. Have you noticed everybody's bitching about the taxes? They all make like, $40,000 a year or less?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have not heard a single person that's like, wealthy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bitch about the taxes. I don't even pay taxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that documentary, right? And I did it, uh, acting like I was really enraged about like Amazon not paying any taxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] City slicker. 30 year old guys now are like the Vietnam vets of my youth. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to fight fire with fire. Not a racist, but had to fight fire with fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want Saul to create a folder or like, or just like a spreadsheet of the amount of footage cut out from each episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember, I went to Arizona and I had a layover in Phoenix and like while I was, during the layover I got this tree ornament, it was like a Native American eagle that was cut out of, it was like laser cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of uh, you know, steel, and I thought it was pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause there's something in here, and I'm gonna tear this shit apart. You better tell me right now if you have a weapon in here. I was like, no. And she fuckin' like tore that shit apart, and she found it, and she like held it up like a Klingon, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what are you doing in Colorado? Where are you going in Colorado? So that, you know, your fans can meet up with you. South Park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah, there's this place called Storm King Mountain, are you gonna go climb that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know Doc Holliday? Yeah. The fr- from fuckin' Wyatt Earp? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's- he died there in- in Glenwood Springs. Are you gonna go back to his grave? Wait! You can go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the hotel from, uh, The Shining.


[User] Please transcribe this text


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where that redneck guy that's like a crop duster like flies his plane up into like the tractor beam of the ship. Do you remember that scene? I wanna be that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. The same cultural appropriation dreads. Have you seen their tits? No. They have fishnets on so if it was a female you'd be able to see them. Pretty solid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think all combas is tested by taste alone. Yep. Yeah. First smell. Yeah, first smell to make sure they're on a good diet. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leave it somewhere. How weird is it, like, having to fuckin' whack off with roommates in the house?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, it's like, it's done in like, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We could replace you in five minutes. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we've been on this planet for like fucking four minutes. There's no way that there's been aliens that are at the same level of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I've seen in those movies, everything sucks in Star Wars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they stole that from the fifth element.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he just, he sat there and took his time and picked like bangers. And then that's it. He's done with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, is that why there's no Rush Hour 4? If I was, if I worked for a church, dude, I would do headhunting for celebrities. Cause if you can get tithing from someone that makes millions a year, like you're set, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eric Harris, your hero? Is that what you're talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What really pisses me off though is they've always talked about in Hollywood a lack of diversity and people getting their roles taken and it just pisses me off that they didn't use a white woman to play Juno and instead it just went to a white guy. Yea, that's really fucked up. That's pretty fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying, I'm trying to look up the new Riddick movie. The newest one came out seven years ago, so you're off your fucking rocker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For some reason I feel like the guy that wrote the Inspector Gadget movie is probably no longer working in Hollywood and probably doesn't have to worry about paying taxes. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know how many fucking writers there were for this movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's seven, seven people wrote this, yea, seven people wrote this movie. What the fuck. Damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they had three for the deep character arcs and character development. They had two for the story and then two other ones for the screenplay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's in the middle of the terrible twos right now, so she just has a tantrum over nothing. I can't wait until it's actually like premeditated tantrums.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She threatens to kill herself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Weird is like, I grew up in a Southern Baptist family and, and like once you accept Jesus, then you get baptized, right? But like Catholics are like, if you don't get baptized, you're not going to go to heaven. And so they take like babies and like after they get home and they're, yeah, and they like dunk them like immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, well what if the baby like, dies in between vagina and holy water?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's the best thing in the world. If someone's just knowingly living with you day in day out and going, he's going to hell, but they're not trying to convince you to be religious, that's beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it was speaking of like boring religious shit. So I went to a funeral, and it was in a, it was in a church, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the pastor shows up, possibly the worst pastor I've ever had in my life at a funeral. He was, first of all, you have to know your audience. I'm in the South here and this entire family was like super Southern, bunch of old white people. And this guy was Cuban.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I didn't have family members and people I knew crying in front of me, I would have been laughing. Cause how weird it was. That's the worst part of a funeral. The loud beeping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they like put that giant corkscrew butt plug into dead people's asses. That way they don't fucking like leak stuff out into the casket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One funny thing did happen. So a lot of people in this family are, uh, vets, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The casket's here at the head, and then right next to it is a double door, and he was in the Navy, and so they were having like, uh, the, um, a Navy funeral or whatever, right? Where they, I thought they were gonna dunk him in the ocean or whatever, but apparently they do the 21 gun salute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Consistency. It's consistent, and you know what? Here's the most important part. It's clean. Yeah, clean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's clea- I went to fucking Popeye's and got that chicken sandwich everybody's writing home about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I don't know if I want to eat this coming from that shithole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you couldn't wipe these fucking things down before I sit down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I got my fucking, my uncle, I pissed him off so bad one time, it was a family get together for his birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, we were at the lunch table, and we're talking, and I was asking, I was like, what's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst. Cause he was talking about like what, uh, power tools he likes. He's like a carpenter guy. And I was like, what's like the worst? Like the worst of the worst. And he goes like, dude, it's either like Porter Cable or Black and Decker. They are just shit. Shit. Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then, literally five minutes later, he's opening his presents, someone gets him a black and decker leaf blower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How thick is a jacket that also heats itself? It's kind of thick, but it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that would actually be pretty cool, just like, guaranteed, no hypothermia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But uh, really, this is, since this is getting towards the end of this, I figured I'd better scold you. Cause you- Me? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean like Brian has always come in with a minimum amount of effort with no camera.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I call Brian in? Like can I phone a friend? Swap out. For one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, do we get a chance to steal if they get the question wrong or is that too much?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not like in any cool like medium to smoke or like do anything, okay. Alright, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fellowship of the ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about a different type of hint? Like, what's one actor in it that's not the main character maybe? It's Spider-Man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. I was gonna see if we could just get a tie. Uh, uh, is it American history? X. Yes, yes it is. Okay, cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like, it's so like, abrasive, I feel like. What does it taste like? If it did have a shark on it. What does your last bite taste like?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have the best palette. Damn it looks cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've misplaced my, like, one that's just like that when I moved, and I do right now just have one of those like trucker stop fucking foam koozies that I've been using. Feels like super, it's got a dragon on it, it's pretty bad, and my dog chewed it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How's it even gonna work? It's gonna be like the movie poster versus like, just, I don't even remember how this one's gonna work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever seen that movie? You seem like hesitant. Me? Yea, have you ever seen it? No, no, I've never seen it. Oh, what the fuck? Is that the answer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Atlantis. And like, road to El Dorado, it's in that kind of area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, it's uh, I just rewatched part of it the other day. This was like one of my childhood favorites. Stult's gonna fuckin' roll his eyes, cause at some point I always talk about a movie, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just not a deer girl in this. Wait, wait, you had a crush on a deer girl? No, I was fucking joking. Have you seen Treasure Planet, Brian? Uh, Treasure Planet. What is she?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, there's like a cat girl in this, but no, that's not who I'm talking about. Wait, what the fuck? This cat is actually, yea, it's like similar to Atlantis. They're like space pirates? Atlantis, Atlantis has hotter...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're like space pirates and it's badass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, except for those who are space cowboys. Okay, these are- Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, back in the day, I'm sure it was easier than I'm talking about current day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyway, yeaah, he like, he had like a pretty good job though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they like tried to promote him, and he was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I had some, I had some creepy kids just on my road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like when my mom just felt really bad for him at first and was like, yeah, like you guys can go play. Like even if I wasn't there, they'd fucking go down there and they were just addicted to fucking Xbox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, yea, it would be really ugly if it wasn't just like, I'm sure you could have a room that's solely dedicated to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's got like, no, no he doesn't actually, but he's got-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got like, maybe dad strength? I don't know. He's like, what, 30?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he's kind of a coward about the hiking trips that kind of makes me think, if we're in the woods I could take him, if we're in the city he could take me, probably so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something primal. It's lame to scare him more than to hurt him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, it wasn't even a house. Wasn't it like a boat or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, let me see their mom. Bring her closer. I can't see. She's like a pixel. Yeah, bring her closer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the original we had a real dog and then my roommate jumped off the stairs onto his body. Like a wrestler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It actually would have been better for the retarded people that believed that was real. You could have like, fuckin' opened the bag and feathers came out or some of that shit like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey Pooh, I got a question. Uh, finally it's just us. Hit me. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, this is a real question and I- I was gone for two seconds, Poo didn't say anything bad, did he? No, I was gonna say what would you do if your mom came into your room and just started twerking on your lap right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she's like, check out this new dance I learned, Sam, and then he just, he just starts working on you. Me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, one million dollars. No, no family fucking, no. One million dollars. Oh, you get a million dollars a year, okay? Million dollars a year. Okay. All of a sudden, not so fucking stupid, is it? So there's a, okay, but the clause is there's basically a mini-me copy of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That appears, he only appears, he appears randomly, okay? And he basically goes, ah, he goes, ah, give it to me, give me your cup, he says that, he says that to you. And he sits there opening his mouth, and the only way to make him disappear is if you jerk off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you, and if you put it on like, if you're in a grocery store, he'll, he'll fucking do it in public. And if you tell him no, like if you delay him, like if you, if you refuse to whip out your cock, he'll scream a really loud ear-piercing scream that'll make you go deaf. So you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has your sized head and it looks the exact same, he's just four feet tall. Does he have my skills? Yea, intelligence? Yea. No, he's just there to suck dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a freak little goblin version of you that just screams gimme your cum. That's all it knows how to say. It just says gimme your cum and it screams really loud. That's literally all it can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's random, it's completely random, it'll happen at like 3am, no not 3am I guess, well it could happen at 3am the next day. It's random, nobody knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could be in the middle of a funeral and he'll fucking come out and just start screaming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're like, oh, he's finally here! By the way, it's not taxable, it's not taxable, but you might have to pay, actually, you will have to pay alimony to happy. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it's a whole year. So the day you start the contract, a year from that day, he'll show up with a check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes either way, honestly. And also, what about mermaids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who, me? No, fuck it, the guy, the guy who's shakin' his ass for. What are you, just give him a jack?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, what about a mermaid? What about a mermaid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but have you- I've seen cosplays. I mean, he's just literally a human. Roger Rabbit, I wouldn't fuck with you if he's a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what she would look like if she was transported to the real world. If she was transported to the real world, she would look like the person causing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ca- well how would you? Would your penis turn into a piece of paper? Doesn't make any sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean put my mind in focus? Yeah, what if you're like Paper Mario, you just turn flat, and you put your wiener in her. And yes I would, even if she was a cartoon bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just looks like a really tall guy. That's probably a fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, dude, here's the DMs, it's just from Poov, like fucking a week ago, I got partnership today. I didn't reply. Next day. Hey man, I just wanna let you know I got partnership. Alright? Day after that. Hey, did you notice that I'm a Twitch partner in here? Hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have to, he's like, why ain't I here, I wanna hear a joke. Two guys enter a discord call, one's a twitch partner, the other one's not. Guess, guess what this is about, me and you, that's all he said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weird thing was that he actually tweeted out or he DM'd everybody he knew that was a Twitch affiliate and he just, it was just a video of him basically walking on top of his camera captioned, you're all just the dirt underneath my boot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would, he would fucking scream and then disappear after he clicked and come. That's fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless you wear the Rolex, I mean theoretically- Is he up to 69-ing? Uh, wait can I have-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't like it, he just needs it to survive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I wanna, no, point down, I wanna see the food that you just chewed up, I wanna see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm curious, can I ask you something? What is big cam on your scenes? Click on that. Big cam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because I always got you back, chat. I'm always in your corner. Get it? Look at me. That's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't even, we weren't even doing any exercises, I just, I was, I had to write some shit on the board and it was pretty loud so only the person in front of me heard it. But I was like right in their face and I farted right on their face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why'd you roll your eyes out, you little bitch? You little diva? Oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell, what did you just say? Oh my god, you just said something really racist? What? Obaits will take over? What, what do you? But what the hell? What is wrong with you? Race war now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Trump doesn't win, you're gonna go to your local school and shoot everyone? What the fuck are you talking- Oh, he's screaming it too now, he's like, KILL HIM ALL!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take off your shirt, show us all your swastika that you got tattooed. That was in prison! You were so proud of it. You were so proud of it a year ago, now what happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that, it's, I mean, you could always go and work for fuckin', you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you had a, I thought you said it was a wireless one, not a bluetooth. Or like, uh, wifi or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna say, it was weird that it was fucking Bluetooth. Or not Bluetooth, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I found out about your Bose headphones like a hundred times cause every time I would say why you sound like a deaf man is cause my noise canceling Bose headphones does the job perfectly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bluetooth is just isn't there. Bluetooth is a piece of shit right now. I fucking hate Bluetooth headphones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, he was, he didn't even ask twice when Poob asked to rape and murder that woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then at the end of the whole thing, he fucking, he went to go check on Aqua, and he was sitting there with two dead bloody cops, and he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He looks more like Jake Gyllenhaal with the shaved head, I don't know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just buy a fucking green piece of paper or fabric and just hang it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where's your fucking, where's your, okay, what happened to the original poop trademark TM tree? Where did that one go that you like never took down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You- I remember when you ate, you ate fuckin' eggs and bacon from IHOP. We saw you eat it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you ate and then you drank fucking negative 20 degree coffee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, every time he wakes up, he wakes up from a nightmare and he sees Miles Davis' face, he gets scared, he goes into his roommate's room and cuddles with him. Really? What happens every night, yea. Ever since he bought that poster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old dumb bitch. Wait, poop poop, look at this picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's also, he's also behind the scenes working with Google. Uh, they're actually talking about renaming it to You Poop, as he mentioned earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no Frank. I'm a Brian X Cool Guy. That's what it'd be. No, but, uh, you know what? I will- I have four ideas for videos. I'll put one up in a week. I swear to God. And if not, you can report Poop on his stream for racism every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good luck with it. I'm in my living room. I've had to change a locale. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, we stopped for some reason. We had 10,000 new cases yesterday in the state. 10,000 new cases. And uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, it's not going, people around me are getting sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mom's boss is sick. My neighbor's mom died. Abby's best friend's husband got sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's one of those fucking guys that like, I have nothing in common with him, right? But like, because Abby's friends with, uh, uh, his, uh, wife, you know, I've had to talk to him like twice. And so I'm just like trying to, we have, I can tell just from the look,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have nothing in common with this guy. I could just, I saw him for one second and my heart sank and I said, Jesus fucking Christ, I have to talk to this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny when you can just look at someone for two seconds and know what makes that person tick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? I don't know if that's like a trademark of a really simple person or if someone just exudes that kind of energy where it's like, I know what this guy's about. Just mention charcoal. He did the rest of the heavy lifting for that conversation. I don't know anything about charcoal or propane. I just sat there and went,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, that grilling has always been a masculine thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And called me old fashioned, but uh, you know, if a woman's place is in the kitchen, I like to extend it out to the grill as well. I have Abby do all the grilling. I just kind of sit back and go, you're doing good, honey. You're doing good. Keep at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not one of those grill guys. Uhm, I'm not much of a anything guy when I think about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, uh, I bought an axe because I watched this guy WrangleStar. He's like a YouTuber. Uhm, and he's like super fucking Christian and everything. Teaching his kid Bible verses and shit. But he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, like, he does like axe reviews and stuff, and so I'm like living vicariously through this guy. He does like, uh, forestry work. I'm sitting there watching him. I'm like, I'm like, all right, this guy's, he's got it all figured out. He knows how to be a man. I'm watching him and he's like talking about how great this fucking axe is. This Grand Force Brook forestry axe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's giving it such high marks and I'm like, this guy knows his shit, right? And so I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only thing that things can be used for is like, 20 years down the road I'm gonna snap and murder my family with it. Like there's no reason I should have that fucking thing. There's no trees around here. This is like, I got like a manicured lawn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I should just go plant some out there, just so I have something to do in 10 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the, uh, quarantine reopened, right? Shouldn't have been, shouldn't have been reopened at all. And, uh, I like how they called a state of emergency at the same time that they said, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, man, this is a state of emergency. This is fucking horrible. Uh, but schools will be reopening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really separated the crazies from the normies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause right now it's seen as a political statement to like, wear a mask. Right? And usually politics, dude. It's such a messy business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's, there's no right answer. You know, you might think there's a right answer, but the weird thing about politics is the reason why it's an issue to begin with is because someone feels very strongly about the other side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody's like, hey, uh, uh, unanimously, Congress has agreed to nuke Ohio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nobody's bringing that issue up. Cause it's a non-issue. Nobody thinks we should do it. But like when it comes to, uh, um, like weird stuff, I don't know, like abortion or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's, there's like a yes and no side. It's a sticky issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I never thought in a million years that there would be a sticky issue with, uh, uhm, hey, if you wear a mask, you don't die. But if you don't wear a mask, you do die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now there's people, like if you're gonna tell me like, hey, uhm, there's two sides to this argument. You either don't die or you wear the mask. I'm gonna, I'm gonna choose the mask every time. That's not even a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ, they act like it's forever and always. Just wear it until this thing dies down. It's the dumbest fucking issue I've ever seen in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, yeah, anyway, so shit around here is going to hell. Uhm, shit all over the country apparently is going to hell. We got the, uh, let's see, what do I want to talk about? We got the Mount Rushmore thing, which I don't even see that as a... Why is that a thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're mad about the wrong thing with this. That's the problem. Mount Rushmore, there's been like some controversy because they're like, oh, Mount Rushmore was stolen from the natives.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they, uh, and it was, it was fucked up how it was apprehended. That's your thing? That's what you're pissed about? Look, I understand we took a beautiful rock, and then we put some guy's faces on it. Pretty fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what I think is most fucked up out of all this is that America was duped into thinking that this was like a huge wonder of America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a cornerstone of patriotism was this stupid fucking rock face with some presidents on it. Cause uhm, if you look it up, this thing, first of all, isn't even that old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's built in like the 20s or something like that. The entire purpose, it's just a tourist trap. That's all it is. If you read the guy, about the guy that made it, he was like, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, hey, uh, South Dakota kind of fucking sucks. There's nothing here. There's no reason anybody would ever come here. God, if only there was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could chisel. No, no, no, no, that's Indian territory. Fuck it, take it from him. I'm gonna chisel a bunch of faces into this rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I need people to come to this state. It is South Dakota, right? I'm not gonna look like a fucking idiot. Uh, not that it takes that much. Messing up the name of a state is the least of my worries.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like this thing, Mount Rushmore is the equivalent of like, uh, when a small town or like a convenience store builds like a giant, uh, T-Rex or something to like make people pull off the interstate. Remember Novac from, uh, uh, Fallout New Vegas, that big T-Rex thing that you stand up in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's basically what Mount Rushmore is. But on a much more expensive scale. Consider for a moment, like, how ballsy that was to put, uh, Teddy Roosevelt on there. He, okay, he aged very well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a president, I think he aids very well. But I think they chiseled him into the rock face, like, right after his presidency or during it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like what if he turned out to be a fucking McKinley or something like a president that wasn't that great? Cause I feel like you need a couple decades after a president until the ripples are done with. You know, like we're still dealing with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess the, uh, we're still seeing repercussions of Obama's presidency. We're gonna, in like 20 years, we're gonna be able to have a good grasp of how good of a president he was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I'm watching my daughter do something right now that looks like it's gonna break her spine. How are you that limber? How? I don't understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She should be hired by fucking Cirque du Soleil. Dude, she was flexing on me yesterday. Like I can't fucking like move my right leg, right? Uh, it's really stiff all the time. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She fucking just looked at me. Didn't bend her knee or nothing. Just sticks her leg, grabs it, and then like sticks her fucking big toe in her nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just bends it all the way up and like, raises her head up and sticks the big toe in her nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just eye contact. Like that was the biggest power move I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I want to talk about. Oh yeaah. The Chop Zone. Or Chaz or whatever. These fucking people, dude. They were like, hey, uh, police are so over, they're militarized, they have poor training.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So let's kick them out and we'll make our people zone only. It's the autonomous zone. No cops allowed. And then in order to maintain its lack of cops and to maintain law and order, we should probably have some sort of armed civilians.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But only some of the civilians to patrol and keep law in order. And, uh, no training or anything. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and then they shot like an eight year old and killed him and then I think a fourteen year old got shot as well. And, uh, and people are defending it and stuff and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got rid of cops because they were poorly trained and had military grade assault rifles. And you replaced them with civilians that have no training and have military grade assault rifles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're shooting 8-year-olds. If that 8-year-old was shot by a cop, there'd be another protest. But now that it's just some, fuckin' militia man, random civilian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, you're fucking retarded? Come on. The point of this thing was that you can govern without any of that. It can just be like this, uh, commie co-op, no weapons, or anything, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in that, wasn't that like a huge part of it? Was that the, the, there was too much military equipment, not enough training. No one person should have all that power. And, uh, I don't know why, like why the fuck would you even bring the weapons and everything into it? That was like the entire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The foundation of this thing is that cops don't need to have that much firepower to govern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now they're like, okay, now that the cops are out, uh, the civilians must have this kind of firepower to govern and maintain law and order. Dude. Stop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fucking failed the second you passed out those weapons. You failed. I understand the attempt and I'm behind it. But you fucking dropped the boof. You fucked up. You fucked up the moment you handed out those weapons and then you're really done fucked up when you shot the eight year old. I think that was, that was a huge point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's really where you drop the ball. Like, before you were fumbling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, and then when you shot the eight year old, that's when you actually dropped it. That was before everybody was like, hmm, I don't know if this is going to work out. And then you shot the eight year old and we went, it's not working out. That's not a, uh, mission failed on that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Call me crazy, call me politically biased, but not a fan of 8 year olds dying. Really not. Not the thing I'm, uh, I'm too big on. So, uh, if I could start a political party, something about 8 year olds not dying being the main foundation of it, that's what I would do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That seems like the dream party for me. Uhm, immigration laws and stuff very lax. Drug enforcement very lax. That's uh, not into that. Eight year olds getting shot to death? We're against that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where we put our foot down. In this new political party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, the fucking, uh, I've noticed that like everybody that has any sort of like right-wing view on anything is immediately labeled a Nazi. You know? Which, uh, that means there's a lot of Nazis around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because people are like, oh, you know, I don't think, uh, we should have kind of free trade with countries that have humanitarian issues going on, uh, uh, and then they're just labeled a Nazi, you know, like right off the bat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine what it's like to be a real Nazi these days. That must suck. Cause you're like, you're just sitting there with your-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're puffed out legs on your pants and you're going, uh, she's a nuts real Nazis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just, it's fucking weird to me that like all the nazis that are, uh, around right now, like the neo-nazis, actual nazis back in the day would be like, who the fuck are these guys? Send them off to the camps! These guys-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These guys are fucking scumbags with tattoos and shit. Get them out of here. Alright, I should get off the topic of the fucking holocaust. That's, that's never the, that's never the thing to start off on. Uh, let's uh, let's talk about the Discord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a lot of anger in the Discord recently, because uhm, we banned the gamer word. The n-word is no longer a thing you can say on there. Uh, the bot filters it out now. And then, uh, this isn't, you know, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, I don't like the word. I'm not a fan of it. You know? I don't think it should be used. It's up to them to determine whether or not they want to use it. And then uhm, you know, because people say like cancel culture is run amok.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I agree. I don't think people should be losing their jobs. Like, have you seen that video of the guy at uh, Costco, where like the dude, I'm assuming antagonizes him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so, uh, Discord, Discord put out a thing where they're like, hey, we're gonna go through servers that, uhm, have, like, a lot of, like, fucking crazy, uh, language going on in there. Hate speech, so to speak. And, uh, and so we, as,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Administrators of the General Sam Discord looked through the chat and it said, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, what the fuck did we do? Oh yea, we searched through the general chat, and there was like 19,000 instances of the n-word being used.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Jesus fucking god. It's been, it's been popped like pills, dude. Like everybody's saying it. I felt, I was so out of the loop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm supposed to be the leader of these fucking people. You know? And turns out I'm missing out on the biggest thing that, uh, everybody has in common. It's the N-word. Everybody's using it. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We banned the n-word so like the bot yanks it out. And all these fucking like freedom of speech people came out of nowhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're gonna fucking leave a discord because you can't say the n-word in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then be gone, alright? Uh, well, what do you want me to say? Alright, so it's not something you can say anymore. Also in Discord news, I know I fucking talked about her, like once or twice, but like, no, I was always, I never named her by name. But this was funny. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, on Discord, there's all, every once in a while, every couple of months, horny guys in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although I end up resenting her because of it, but it's the way that it changes my guy friends because they're trying to like impress her or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why can't you guys all have a relationship that wears you down to the point of almost misogyny? Like the rest of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? So, why can't you guys just fucking have a contempt for women like me? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why can't women have clitorises that are easy to find? You know? Why do they tattoo a fucking red dot a target around where- no, I'm kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, so the, uh, uh, so anyways, there was this girl that was in like, uh, some of the private rooms, because, uh, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She did, she wouldn't want you to talk in the middle of her thinking, but she couldn't wrap her slow fucking head around what she was trying to say. And so you would hear just like, this is her speech pattern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She would throw in like, uh's for like 30 seconds to keep you from fucking speaking up. She'd go, here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing. You? You're bad. Me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm good. I'm, I think I'm good. Uuuh, I think I'm good. And this is why, and I'm like, dude, just fucking spit it out. Just say what you're gonna say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then shut up. So anyways, this lady, this is what's so great, is that she was, uh, uhm, she was talking to these people. And, uh, you know, she had that really attractive voice of a girl from upstate New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how like, uh, they have those sexy voices that sound like nails on a fucking chalkboard? You know? Nothing gets my cock harder than a good upstate New York accent. You know? So, uh, I'm listening to her. Uh, cock at the ready. So fucking hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Any impact on my opinion of her, cause I hated her before this even happened. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he gets a picture from her and he goes, wow, you look a lot like, uh, uh, there's this league player, Dyrus. His girlfriend, her name's fucking Emeru, I think. He goes, you look a lot like Emeru.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dyrus's girlfriend. And the girl goes, uh, yeaah. I get that sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It turns out that like, after like, she gave out like five or six pics or something like that, uhm, someone like reverse image searched it and it's just, she was giving out pictures of Emaru. That's what it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so now we've been theorizing, we're like, just how fucking ugly is this bitch? That she's, that she's giving out pictures of some other lady that is also like a e-celebrity. Like you couldn't have just picked like windowfuckinghotgirl.com and found some girl that you wanted to pretend to be. Like just fucking find anybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then after, uh, so anyway, so once uh, once people found out that it wasn't really her, it was this lady, Emeril, she fucking vanished. You know, she's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she said like, oh, I'm in fucking whatever, some country or something, because it's some bullshit excuse. But, uh, and now I'm sitting there theorizing. Me and my friend MuscleBuzz were theorizing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What exactly does she look like where she needed to go out of her way to like, uh, to just lie like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we assume she's probably in like a mobility scooter or something, you know? Some fuckin' paraplegic or some shit. And, uh, she's just really depressed with life. Anybody that's on that Discord is honestly pretty depressed with life. Let's be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why I made it. It's there to be a basin for all the horrible depressed people to live in. And, uh, the fact that you guys thought that, uh, a girl as attractive as Emeru was gonna wash up in there is astounding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is every fucking female that's ever been in there is a, is a train wreck, either physically or emotionally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I thought that was hilarious because like you could, you could feel, you could feel the betrayal in all the kids' voices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All these guys that talk to her on the regular, they're like, oh, maybe I can get some fucking e-hole from this Asian beautiful model girl that happened to wander into the worst Discord I've ever been to. What a ray of sunshine! Wow, maybe if I talk to her, you know, I could start e-dating her and, oh man, that'll be great to trace the outline of her curves on my monitor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The internet was a mistake. There's a kid walking down the street. And he like, he ran by going one way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he s- he stopped running. I guess he got tired and then he's walking back to his house this way. And he's sitting there like looking at his phone and then like he looks over and through the fucking big ass front window on my house he sees me sitting here with a fill light and uh, camera and everything and my mic and he's like, we just made eye contact. And he just was like, whatever, kept going. Yeah. Alright, so anyways, on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sure you guys on Twitter have heard about Bumbo. He's a, he's, first of all, if you're like new around here, Bumbo's this guy that I used to make YouTube videos with like two years ago. He used to be a pretty, pretty big YouTuber and then he just stopped out of nowhere. And, uh, I'm going to preface this whole thing with, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bumbo is kind of a piece of shit. We've always known he's kind of a piece of shit. It's just one of those things that you, you realize it and go, ah, you know, I'll still talk to him. Cause he, it's not like he's killed somebody or something, but you can tell he's not exactly like the best guy. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing wrong with that. But anyways, so he stops, uh, he's dated this girl for a while, and then, uh, they broke up, and then, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's fucking off doing his own thing. And then a huge twitlonger comes out from his ex-girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the shitty part. This is the shitty part because I don't want to fly to Bumbo's defense, you know? And I don't really want to talk about it all that much and get into the nitty gritty details. But when it comes to twit longers...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This fucking bitch jumped on the, the whole like hype train of like a, my experience with blank. Here's a twit longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just like this big spiel about like why that person's garbage or whatever. And, uh, and I think the worst part about it was all these people that Bumbo called friends and colleagues. They all just dog piled him like, oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instantly believing everything in there. And, uh, call me crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Call me old fashioned, but I feel like the best character witness, uh, an unbiased opinion isn't an ex-girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If there's anybody that's gonna have some sort of malice towards an individual, it's probably an ex-girlfriend. So, uh, you know, when I have a biography written about my life, I don't want it being from the perspective of my ex-wife. I don't want that to be, you know, the person that writes that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's, uh, it's, it's a, it's an interesting one. The main thing she accuses Bumbo of is being a pedophile, right? And, uh, uh, but then right after she accuses him of being a pedophile, she says right under it, I lied about my age to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not looking good. Not only that, but call me crazy. I know what the law says.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the law says technically this is statutory rape, but like a three to four year age difference is not that big a deal. You know, I think my brother's married to someone that's like seven years younger than he is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which would make him double the pedophile of bumbo. Oh my god, at this rate, I bet you my brother has 12 bodies hidden underneath his patio like John Wayne Gacy. You gotta watch out for that guy. He's double the pedophile. Double! That's insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, which means Bumbo's only half the pedophile. That sounds good. That's the glass half full kind of mentality I like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bumbo should put that on his resume. I'm half the pedophile of those other guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, she accuses of being a pedophile even though she lied about her age. And then, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're talking like 17 instead of 18 here. Basically the rest of it is like, I was in a shitty relationship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was it. She's like, yeah, our relationship didn't work out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we fought a lot. Holy fuck, I need to get, I need to, uh, be known about this. Thanks for filling me in. Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You find me one fucking person on this planet that hasn't had a bad relationship, romantic or otherwise, or, you know, like, if you got on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To Twitter, and you see a Twitlonger by me, and it goes, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see here. No, it's a twitlonger from, uhm, uh, office wor- cubicleworker1995. That's his handle. And he says, my experience with working at blank corporate company. And the twitlonger goes, you wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it. My boss didn't show me any respect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Made me work sometimes on the weekends. Never valued my input.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would be like, wow, that sounds like just a, uh, disgruntled employee. You know, dime a dozen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But these twit longers about people that break up and then the, and then, uh, can you believe it? They broke up because they didn't get along. And so they make these big twit longers about it. People read these things like it's like they're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's impossible to wrap your head around it. Oh my god! Are you telling me they broke up because they fought all the time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus, wouldn't that be a fucking tragedy if it was like the other way around?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh wait, that's a Louis C. Cage or I'm a fuckin' hack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He already said something about that. Wouldn't it be horrible if a divorced couple, like they were in love and they got divorced? That would be quite horrible. No divorces happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's no like, uh, divorce couple that was like getting along well. I think it's his joke. And the, uh, yeah, but this breakup thing, like the Twitlongers are always from like ex-girlfriend perspectives. And really, I think the reason why they piss me off so much is because you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just devaluing those people that do twitlongers where they're like, I was with, uh, uhm, I don't know, like ex, like whatever some person and they raped me repeatedly and it was horrible and I was held hostage and stuff. Like those are the ones that should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like Harvey Weinstein was only brought to justice because these women collectively were like, this guy's a fucking rapist!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? And so, uh, there was like a, a kind of movement to get him, uh, chucked out of, uh, everything, you know? And god, they, they, they sapped all the energy out of that man. He was in a walker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see that? He like showed up to court with a fucking what? He like aged 40 years. A matter of no time. But the uhm, this whole, like now, it's gone from that to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a bad relationship. He did not value the things that I said? Emotionally distant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so this fucking thing. Oh, here's my favorite part about this. Is uhm, this one's, this is once again a sticky subject, right? She's pissed about, uh, Bumbo coerced her into having an abortion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's a fucking shame. That sucks too, because uhm, I really felt like, uh, this 18 year old was with no career options available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the Coop DeGraw underneath that Twitter, that TwitLonger was his video stating, uh, it was, it was a show of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bumbo's mental abuse. Oh my god, it was a tough watch. Uhm, it was basically, uh, her nagging him over cigarettes while he was recovering from surgery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what your problem is? I found out what the problem is with that shit. You need...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the key to every relationship, especially when you're young. You need to somehow get a really low rent place with many bedrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The worst relationships are in, uh, uh, like a one bedroom place. Like, uh, you need to have a door that you can close in each other's faces.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to be able to separate. You can tell that they were living in a place where they were just together. You know what I mean? Like when you're fighting like that, where it's a fight about fucking nothing, that's when you walk away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The second there's any sort of conflict, I just say what's pissing me off. I'm like, this is why I'm mad. And then I just be gone. I just go. I leave. I go do, I, cause we have like an, there's like a bedroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The door closes. I go in the bedroom, close the door. I go to my office, close the door. Somewhere else. I'm not going to hang out in a room with someone I'm pissed at. That does nothing, but you're just going to sit there and keep fighting. And then it ends up being a fight about nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' Blamer or whatever, I forget what the, all the terms are. Uhm, out there. I'm not saying that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, uh, Bumbo was in the right. I'm not saying that uh, What's Her Face was in the right. I'm not saying either of them are wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I'm saying is, is that you got, uh, one immature piece of shit dating another immature piece of shit. And you guys are fucking dumbfounded that the relationship went to shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could have lived my whole fucking life without having to read, waste fucking five minutes on that stupid tweet longer, and then fifteen minutes talk about it on this fucking podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I gotta take a break to read, uh, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to my daughter. Uh, this is a classic. I'm on Twitter, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got two accounts on there, so like, I'm just constantly on there just shitting. Just shitting out into the Twitter void.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, first of all, I saw this fucking tweet from some guy, I forget who it was. It might have been like Soviet Womble or something, one of those fucking guys. And, uh, and he's just like, bitching. And moaning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I fuckin', I live and breathe off that shit. There's nothing better than just seeing someone's life falling apart. Like, uh, Bumbo's girlfriend's twit longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a comedy special. You know, it's the funniest fucking thing I've read all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So to see, to see someone like that just like bitching about Twitter, I mean come on dude, there's nothing better than Twitter. There's nothing better than just seeing people's lives fall apart. Or see people just angrily screaming into the void. But then, uh, out of all that insanity, comes a fucking tweet from NASA. And NASA's, uhm, it's the dumbest fucking tweet I've ever seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, they try to like give you some info, right, about like how life and space is and everything. To try to, uhm, show you, I always realize you can see Madeline in the fucking reflection behind me. She's like slamming her face around on the floor. Anyways, uhm, you can kinda,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Studio, you know, uh, Kubrick's actually still alive, he's just filming all this stuff for NASA now. And, uh, and there, the tweet goes, uh, new to spacewalks? Here's some useful lingo, trying to teach you the lingo of the astronauts. Uh, they use ingress instead of enter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a PGT is a pistol grip tool, in parenthesis, a drill. Like, what? I just, I tweeted at him, I was like, why not just call it a fucking drill? You have the name for it already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because it costs $275,000 of the taxpayers dollars for you to like, just buy a Dewalt drill and bring it up there and just say, Hey, I need the drill real quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Same thing with extra vehicular activity. Just call it a space walk. That you have the name in parentheses right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa! No, no, no! She's walking my desk away. Whoa! Alright, so, wait, you know what the final thing is? It's kind of a funny story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The final thing I wanted to talk about was, uh, Jordan Rantz on Twitter. This shit fuckin' ate me up for like three days. I used to think he was such a nice guy, such a cool guy. Uhm, and then he made this fuckin' tweet that really just curled my insides.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, uhm, which I thought, uh, ever since the war of 1812, I thought we'd kind of squashed our beef, you know? And then, uh, here Jordan Rantz is trying to reignite the flame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he's trying to, uh, trying to get our, our countries at each other's throats. I always thought we were like cousins across the pond and everything, but uh, listen to this fucking tweet by him. He said, I'm sorry to all my American viewers, but the American version of the office is not funny at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no comedy in that show at all. And not one scene has ever made me laugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, he almost got ratioed on his own fucking tweet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 61 people came crawling out of the fucking woodwork to tell this guy, this fucking limey bastard who was boss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, Ricky Gervais is a, uh, he's a funny guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, the, the writing just wasn't there for the British office. Now maybe uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jordan might have, he might be predisposed to unfunny comedy. He might like, you know, he might be one of those people that really likes a not funny joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? And, uh, which I don't care for those. I like the funny ones myself. So, uh, I prefer the US office. But, uh, uh, he said that shit, right? And then a couple days later, he made this tweet, and he's such like a family-friendly dude. This is why I like so much about him, is he's, he's like really family-friendly, super nice, and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never says anything. He's like the last person to say something like offensive, right? And, uh, really clean cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or his grandfather. He's like, yeah, that's my grandfather's Twitter, my grandfather's cool guy. And he's posted like some videos of him playing guitar with his grandfather before. And uh, and I don't think he looked at his grandfather's Twitter, but his grandfather's not cut from the same cloth as, as Jordan. Like Jordan is like a little like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause his grandpa at his Twitter, his grandfather knows what he likes. He's an old guy. He doesn't give a fuck anymore. And he's, uh, uh, he retweeted this picture of this fucking, uh, big ass busty grandma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, you know, he's like, I'm fucking, I'm 70 years old. I don't give a shit. I probably only got a couple of years left. I saw some titties. So I retweeted them. What do you want me to do about it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways guys, it's getting around 11.30. I gotta cook some lunch. For the, uh, the daughter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why am I saying thanks? I fucking paid for it. I ordered it from the Zydax PC's thing. But I got like a beastly PC coming. We'll be doing more webcam podcasts. They'll be good. They'll be good for sure. But until then, this is the last shitty solo one you're gonna have, I hope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just, uh, four minutes of unadulterated bleeping. We really need poop here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like that's a harder and harder feat, you know, you don't see PewDiePie pulling a hundred million on a vid, you know? You know what you do see him doing now? Pulling the inward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speaking of big penises, the message at hand is this jester is bland with a forehead like the elephant man. Hoof!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard Seattle's, uh, I heard Seattle's got like, uh, kind of new ownership now or something. All I've read are headlines. I've not delved into the topic. So I'm not really too informed on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted the nude, I wanted the nude Jordans. No, I'm kidding. But, uhm, no, I mean, serious answer though, I mean, there's obviously immense systemic racism present, you know, in the United States and globally as well, so I wanted to give support.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, that was, that was, uh, that was a disturbing little clip right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently those guys got arrested though, the cops, but it's like, but the fact that it's like, oh, there's a whole contingent of them and they were like, this is okay. You know, that's kind of the worst part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If, if you had puberty too. Oh, so you never had it in the first place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went to the, I went to the exact spot where Trump held his little photo op with his bible upside down. You see that? I went to that exact spot. That's actually where the, I got a picture taken right there. I was just like bruh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, it was wild, there was, uh, there were like people marching all over the place, and uhm, people, uh, they, they, I don't know if you saw it, they renamed, uhm, can't remember the actual name of the street, but they made it Black Lives Matter Boulevard, right by the White House.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, I don't, I think it's Plaza, but I feel like they missed a major alliteration opportunity, uh, with, with the, with not calling it a boulevard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's in huge letters across the street, like if you're just standing on EC. And yeah, I mean, people were obviously pissed and everyone was marching and there were people playing music. At one point we were in, we were kind of marching down the street in a big group, like huge group, just kind of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, dancing and making music and stuff off to the side. And then a lot of people in the, in the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The crowd in the, in the march started chanting, stop the music, stop the music. And I guess some people then went over there to tell them to stop the music, but the people playing the music didn't want to stop the music because they were like expressing themselves. So there's kind of like a, maybe like a five minute sort of awkward standoff where it was uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, everyone, it was like, it was, like, everyone was, the people playing the music were black and most of the people in the march were black. So it was kinda like, it was like, they were like, no, we're expressing ourselves here. And they're like, no, you should express yourselves here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was a little bit interesting, kinda like, oh, should the music stop? So, cause I think it was drowning out the chance was the concern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you live in? Uh, I live sort of by D.C. in like that area. Oh, okay. Kind of in the outskirts of that. Wait, what's your address?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well not always, I traveled around a lot as a kid. I lived in New York, lived in Switzerland for a while, I'll live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Well, part of my dad's job, he worked with, uh, diplomatic stuff. So, I spent, uh, Did you have immunity?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't really old enough to fully appreciate it because I was young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they would, uh, they'd just like go off to France and like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get cheese and stuff come back and they just be like, uh, the Swiss people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't really test the limits of it too much. You didn't stab a guy? I didn't really understand the opportunity that had fallen into my lap due to my young age. So uhm, if I had it now, it would be a case study. I'd do that for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, well you heard about that, uhm, I think it was maybe a year ago or something, when the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it, I think it was in the UK, some diplomat from somewhere in the, like, some other country to the UK, like, was driving on the wrong side of the road, it was a diplomat's wife or something, and she hit and killed some guy, and then she just like ditched back to Ecuador or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was definitely a point of contention, I believe, in the diplomatic community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not sure. I'd imagine so. I mean, they're probably all very cultured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was it? What was it? I wrote a random like rap bar about this once, but I can't remember. It was like, you view as rivals the guys you used to idolize. So, so I don't know. That's kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and, and I mean, you enjoy somewhat tongue-in-cheek looking at the kind of, like, looking at YouTube as a cutthroat business, you know, zero-sum game, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, if you're not, if you're not watching me, then you're watching somebody else, so I gotta crush them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, I don't think that's the healthiest mindset.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, uh, I, I think it's also important to remain humble and be like, you know, uhm, things...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you look at it, it's very easy to believe that the metrics define your success because it's like, it's, they're so visible. It's like, oh, how many views did you get? How many subscribers do you have? How many?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, and it's easy to be dominated, uh, by just watching those go up, but I think it's also important to remember that sometimes you need to do things that you know won't do as well, or you just want to try new things, or, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just ehm, expand and, and be like, okay, no, I wanna do this and, and prove something to myself or do this and, uh, just so I can try something new to see if I can do it. Because also if you're like, this is what works for me, I'm gonna do this forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, that forever does not exist. You got like, you got like six months, eight months maybe or something on that bad boy before everyone else is doing it and then you're like, alright, time to keep innovating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's, it's, it's similar in battle rap. There's people who, uhm, started it, and they're like OGs, and they like defined the, the, the groundwork for what people do nowadays, and that is 100% sure. Like I remember I watched this caveman video, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where he did, he was with Vertigo, I think, and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they just yell at each other and they like run up to random clans and stuff doing that in rush. And uhm, yeaah, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was just cool how they kinda like laid all this groundwork for stuff people are doing now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not really. Uhm, one person I'd say that I didn't know that I was gonna get along with so well is Swagger Souls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like that dude, that dude is super cool, super legit, like super, super humble, super real. Uhm, and, and you know, it's like that, that's like a gigayoutuber personality and I think it's very easy to get an ego at that point.