[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whose nuts shrink the most? We'll all measure our nuts and then at the end of one month of taking steroids, re-measure our nuts and see who shrunk the most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I bet, I bet they have some good diet pills too. Dang, I fucking blew it. I should have been buying it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, guys, I think we found a venue, uh, for the wedding. It's gonna be, uh, it's gonna be Cake Bud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone, someone taking the wedding industry to task. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the dick pills you have to buy for the entire- I mean, it will be fun when I buy us all dick pills and make us take them one hour before the ceremony. That will be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real, real good though. Thank you for being serious about that. And I'd like to answer that also seriously. Uh, really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the tacos, the, there was like a dope taco stand right on the beach, and that was night one, and uh, yeaah, that, that was like a real banger. There was also some like cool local restaurants that we went to, that uh, in Putumichu, we got a, you rented a golf cart for like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $40 a day or something. Very reasonable. And, uh, you're able to drive it into town and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say things affect you a lot. Like, you don't, like, you don't really smoke that much weed, you don't do that many energy drinks, because I think, uh, things affect you greatly, right? Is that a fair assessment?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I worked out last night at like 8 o'clock and took pre-workout right before. And then fuckin'. When'd you fall asleep?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so, so that's uh, it's been going great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I fucking love pre-workout stuff. I, uh, in another life, I feel like I would have been a co-kid. Like, I just, you know, I just don't like the feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, you'd be Patrick Bateman. No, I wouldn't want, I wouldn't want to. You'd be up for a week straight. You would just see a bag of cocaine and all of a sudden just start sprinting somewhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you've never done mushrooms either, huh? No, no. Yeah, mushrooms are my favorite drug. I will say, uh, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't done like all the drugs, but I've done a fair amount of drugs, and mushrooms- A handful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are for sure, uh, my favorite. It's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, it's not that psycho. Uh, no, it's not, it's very rarely, you're very rarely seeing shit, but, uh, you have to take a lot. Uh, but, I mean, I used to do a lot of mushrooms in, in high schools. Hey kids, uh, if you want to get ahead in life, allegedly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, I mean, dozens, like a couple dozen probably. And, uh, it's, and then less as I've gotten older, just cause, you know, you just kind of do less drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you have things to do. But, uh, it's just the fucking best. It's, you laugh so hard, colors are more vibrant, and I, I just started, uh, not just started, but I've, uh, like two years ago I went to a buddy's birthday party and we all, uh, microdosed and out in the desert, and I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. You came the next day. And I was like, I don't know if I really want to do this. And, uh, our buddy whose birthday it was, he was like, it's a microdose. It's not the same. You're not going to trip balls. It's just kind of the, the fun effects where everything you're just giggly and, uh, everything's, um, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In super focus, everything's vibrant. The colors are on and popping and I'm like, alright, I'll give it a go. Vibro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, I was fully vibro'd. Fully vibro'd. And so then we took it and I was like, oh, this is, this is, why am I not doing this every day right when I wake up in the morning, allegedly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I feel every time I've ever done mushrooms, uh, like a real amount of mushrooms, not just like a little microdose, I always think like that you've, you have it figured out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Son of a bitch! And actually, uh, me and my homie Austin, who you guys know, we actually, back in the day when we were like 19 years old, we filmed ourselves, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was a more of a 70s dro- I mean, people still obviously still do it, but like that was, uh, big in the 70s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, with a mushroom, mushrooms, you see how much you're ingesting and it was just grown from the earth. Like with acid, like when you do, it's like they put it on a tab or I've seen people, I've never done it myself either, but like they put it on a gummy. You're like, you don't know how much they accidentally squirted from their little, uh, droplet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How long, how long are you up there for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you don't want to be that guy that like, fully just fucks the production up because you had to go get a cheeseburger somewhere. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think they make you do shit. Like, I've been talking to people, they're like, it's fully open, you can do whatever the fuck you want, just don't. You gotta kiss this dog! Just don't catch COVID, basically. But I'm gonna be out there for, uh, six months shooting the Righteous Gemstones. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how, uh, how you guys are doing out there, but we're like taking tons of, um, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breaks, like every like two weeks they have like a week off built in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure, we're gonna try to get everything done in however long it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or what, and then what are you going to name since, uh, you named your other child an Italian name because you're in Italy, uh, when that child, uh, when you're in that child, what are you going to name this since you're up in Toronto? Is it going to be this, the six?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ronto, that's sick. That's a sick baby name. Tori's sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's other, there's other speck, there's other sexist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you, did you like grow up? I remember, didn't you like grow up, kind of having puzzles out around Christmas time? I remember like coming over to your like mom and stepdad's house and there was a puzzle out. I remember being like, these are puzzle people. Yes, yes. Figuring the puzzles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, absolutely not. I mean, my mom has like hilariously, you know, not shots fired against her, but like very Midwestern style of art that she thinks is awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That means, uh, she likes, like, wooden, uh, things that have words on them that is inspiring. Like, even from way back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, now it's like that. It used to be just like kind of watercolors of like a river or something. And it just, it looks, it was like, oh, obviously this was sold at like a TJ Maxx that she was like, I gotta get that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had, I had one of those. My mom had mad tons of them in my workaholics office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wonder like what our weird shit will be, cause you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I look at like my grandmother and like her, her decorations, she got in, she like loved birds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That she would paint and, and at first she wasn't that good at painting. So you saw the progression, progression of her like shitty bird paintings. And then like, she got pretty decent. We're like, actually this one does look like a bird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hundreds of pieces of bird art in your pretty reasonably small home, uh, just decked out. That's a trip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm here, I'm good. Now my mom is big into like wooden signs that say shit. Specifically about like the lake, she just moved to a lake a few years ago. And uh, so many things that just say like lake life. Yea, she's like hobby lobbied out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, it's, she's not buying a lot of this stuff. Where's it coming from? I think it's, she like had one or two things, and then she tells people like, This is my shit. I like having like wooden signs, and then people are like, Penny likes wooden signs, Penny likes wooden signs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's an insane amount. Cause there's, I mean, it's in my Instagram story, like a highlight because I went around and I'm like, mom, this is a lot of words all over your house. And she's like, no, there's just a few. And I'm like, I bet there's 60. And she's like, no. And I went around, there's like 50 or 60 things that just say shit all over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't like, uh, your wife go like wild on lizards or some shit? Like there's li- like lizard-ards all over?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. Well, yeah, well that's the thing is once you start to go down like, I like bumblebees. And you have like one piece of like cool bumblebee art or some shit and then people, and then all of a sudden you're like, well I'm the bumblebee guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you need a fucking 85 bumblebees in an 8x13 room. You know what I mean? Exactly. And then that's when it looks insane. If you like just have one or two bumblebees and you're like, oh, that's cool. And then you do other shit, then it's fine. It's when you go way too hard on one specific.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also not 55, you know, they're in their thirties, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like my parents house, uh, my parents house, there's a woodpecker right outside. It was the absolute worst thing because they start at like 4.30 in the morning just pecking the fucking wood dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I've had a pet rat before. I've had a pet rat. I would never allow an owl into my house. I would never allow an owl into my house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you can't trust an owl. You cannot trust an owl. Absolutely not. That's what makes them savage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An owl will fuck your girl. An owl will fuck your girl. Rats? Nah man, they'll scamper off. What the fu-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, I'll say, like, I know, like, eagles are beautiful, majestic creatures. I, and I also enjoy when I see an American bald eagle, uh, in a tree, I'm like, whoa, that's pretty legit. But those guys are, uh, fucking eagle maniacs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also don't, no, I don't like snakes either. I don't like snakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you know what, I feel like if, it depends on like, I'm thinking specifically like, in my home. Like if, uh, if, if a rat is in my home, I'm like, alright, I know how to like, get rid of that. Like snakes, I, I wouldn't like that at all. Admittedly, I would like that less than rats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I have like an ice machine on my deck that I always go out and get ice, and uh, I was going to get ice, and I look out. That deck ice. And this giant fucking possum, one of the biggest possums I've ever seen. So scary. Was uh, so scary, they're hideously ugly, and he was standing up on his hind legs, holding on to the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, my outside little refrigerator, yanking on the door, trying to open it. You're about to be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, they're making way too much noise, like it's, it's a, birds fucking kinda suck, like you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, chicken, at least you're like, they cock-a-doodle-doo you in the morning, and you're like- Oh, that's a rooster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, there, there has to be, there has to be animals that have like, uh, dicks and vaginas in really weird spots, right? Oh for sh- Why don't- Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, uh, have a good scene. And then we tap each other on the knee and then that person goes, ah, the middle of my dick. Ah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really enjoyed that show, guys. It was a long time ago. You know, we're done shooting the show, uh, cause I don't know, I was talking about something with Chloe, uh, and I was like, yeah, like two years ago when we started and she was like, it's more than two years ago. And I'm like, yeah, how long has it been? It's been four years now, four years since we've been done with the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like October or November. Yeah, maybe the beginning of November.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm glad we did that. I'm glad we did that. Well, people ask us all the time, like, you guys must have been high the whole time. It's like, uh, I could count on like one hand the amount of times we were actually high shooting a scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because people don't realize that it takes 12 straight hours to shoot just a few minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for like four or five minutes of the show. So if you were to smoke at the beginning, if you're smoking all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will fuck your girl. Does anyone have any take backs, apologies, or compliments? I remembered it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I can 100% bet that they're not gonna come after you for trying to get 12 pain pills across the border.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well I take back, uh, I take back saying, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck owls. And uh, only cause, cause you know, owls are fine. I don't love birds and uh, but they're just how mad it made Kyle. I'm like, I want us to be in a good place in our relationship. So I'm like, okay, hey, if he cares this much about owls, I'm going to step back from the, from uh, my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stance on saying fuck owls. Sure. Yeah, sure. Owls are fine. If Kyle loves owls, I don't want to be the guy saying fuck owls. So uhm, you know, I take that back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cardinals, I know, yeaah, I like all the birds that, it's, like even eagles that, you know they're bitches, you know they're just, they just wanna claw your fuckin' eyes out. Like Cardinals, I'm like, that bird's not gonna claw my eyes out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's another old person thing of just being like a bird watcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see, even though I don't fuck with birds, I can see getting into something like that where you just like, you got your camera, you're out there and you're like getting your exercise, but it's also doubling as another thing, so you're not just exercising. I can see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I'm just looking for ways to get out of the house so I can smoke weed for when I have kids and you can't just be smoking weed like right in front of them. I'm going to be like, yeah, dad's got to take a walk to a look at birds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just probably so annoying, right? Just being like, oh my god, that's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, it's an awesome workout and I feel like taller guys are better at it. So I bet you'd be pretty good at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For all you out there listening, we're on the west coast, we're doing a little bit of a AM BREAKFAST podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know man, I was debating whether I should make myself a nice little Bloody Mary. I love a good Bloody Mary guys. And you know what? They're delicious virgin as well. Uhm, I just love the taste.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you want him, in order to brush his teeth at night, you're telling him to get addicted to sleep aid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you? You guys, I feel great. I didn't, uh, do any sippy sippy jug last night. I'm feeling...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm a new man. I watched, uh, The Tooth Fairy starting The Rock from 2010. Oh, strong showing. Oh, nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is some great scenes between The Rock and Billy Crystal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he plays like the, uh, or like the, just the old dude in like that gives you all your, your, your stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He knocks it out of the park. His scene, you could just tell they're just like, let Billy be Billy. And my gosh, he knocks it out. But the other thing that's-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think he was coming off of his like the rock WWE nation of domination. Like just, he's still just kind of just a tight spelt dude. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, the Iron Paradise dude, you've never watched the Rocks workouts where he just puts huge fucking like metal chains around his neck and does like dips and shit and he's just like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm the first one in the gym, last one out, and first one on set, last one out, and like, it's like, where are all the hours of the day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, you're talking about in the actual movies, we're not, we're not talking about backstage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is not a crime that I haven't seen him. Can I say something that may rock the boat a little bit? Uh, I don't know, but around the same time, didn't the movie Gone in 60 Seconds come out? And that movie was my shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck you guys! You guys don't remember it, obviously. That movie was so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He won my heart when I saw that video of him like, tackling a Christmas tree. I'm like, DUDE!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if it was Chateau, you know, Kiefer, that's like basically his house. That's the kind of dude that's at the Chateau every night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be interested to know the death count at Chateau Marmont. I bet it's fairly high. And this is dark, guys. And this is dark, and I know we're going down a dark-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The show was crazy. The show was crazy. But that checks out, I guess I'm just thinking, like then came Dan Blazarian, and he was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chiseled like dude, but he's still like the same kind of slimy scuzzball. Yea, but he didn't say anything. But then again, Tom Likus was kind of funny, yea. Yea, but he's not saying anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure. No, fuck that. Fuck that guy. He's kind of a scuzzball. But Tom Likus was at least funny. Like, kind of. I mean, he was brutal. They're both kind of pieces of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he would be like, okay, so what you do is you get your ATM receipt when you have the most money in your bank account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the best thing about the whole story, the way this king was dethroned was like, he was walking out of some club in like, Canada or the Midwest and a dude just like hit him with a bat and he's like, alright, I'm out. That was like it. Wait, really? Yea, he just got attacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he knew who he was attacking, it was just like, he was just, yea, I don't know, maybe it was a bit of karma, but that was a fucking attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, what's there, what's on the docket today? There's a lot of hot news. Hey guys, do you want to talk about the Snyder Cut, huh? What do we think about the DC Justice League Snyder Cut?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good morning! Well, this is my thing, is it opens up Pandora's box, right? Because now we can release like every movie five times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, jeez, my finger must have slipped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's what I would have liked the Snyder cut discussion to lead to. What do you guys feel about a Game Over Man supercut? Cause we left a lot on the floor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We want you to hang around. We're about to reveal a secret from Game Over Man. Tune in right after these messages.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that why you chose the sport of swimming? Because you saw it as like an uphill mountain. You're like, I'm gonna do the sport no other kid can do. And I'm gonna be the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I just, I don't know. My mom actually just, I don't know what would draw that out of me. My mom's so nice. I mean, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Toe to toe with my, like my stepdad, if anything, but I'm not gonna call him a bitch or a dick or anything either. I would've probably got smacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to be fucking, uhm, I'm not, so instead I just burn, uh, houses down. I'm a pyro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bad Barbie. Dude, she straight up spun it into a career, so shout out Bad Barbie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she was the catch me outside, how about that girl? And then she parlayed it into a hip hop career. She rapped, right? Yeah, yeah. And she was okay. She was kinda nice. Yeah, Gucci flip flops, that's a pretty good little tip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's got a beat to it for sure, but she's hanging around. Yeah, I thought she would have like 15 minutes. I mean she's cooled off for sure, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, thank you. So good to see you. So good to see you. Uhm, I guess I'll just, uh, compliment us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, compliment us on the, uh, fifth year anniversary of Game Over Man. That's not true, but if you haven't seen Game Over Man, tune in on Netflix. It's a really good flick and hopefully one day-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, that was the thing, like a large, a lot of questions I got was like, yo, why is your name Babydunk? And it was because I was the youngest brother of me and Durs. And where does that name come from? Well, we're the Dunklemans. Yeah, the Dunklemans, but it comes from my little brother, his name is Babynude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so we use that as a storyline. So that's what you're missing when you don't see the, uh, Snyder cut of Game Over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it's history. Yeah, it's drunk brain. It's like synapses coming together like I saw it. Yes, the rest was science. It's science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then what is that supposed to be, Blake? Sloshing. Check this out. You ready? Okay. It's science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I would, I would say, if you're, if you're nervous about it, I think you could pack some of that stuff with you on your, in your, I wouldn't just bring it with you on your carry-on in case they check it, cause they'll be like, yo, what the fuck. Yeah, they're like, hey, that's a lot for me. You know, here's what you do. If they put it in the checked luggage, all good, the only thing you could do is just mail it to yourself. Just mail it to the fucking address.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not at all. Not at all. It's just because it's not worth it. It's just like, it's one little pen that's got a little weed in it and they're like, fuck this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I still go to great lengths to like, I still- They're damn, they're cool down here. I still wrap it, double wrap it, shrink it- Oh, should I do stuff to it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still like, you know, double shrink wrap. Oh, so I should do stuff to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, yeaah. I go to those lengths if I'm going outside of the country. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Charleston. I'm not worried about America. I'm talking about when you're going international.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I, I hope you're, I hope you're okay. I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know how it goes. It shouldn't have put the pants in the dryer, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The real, the real question here is like, what's up with the, why don't you just wear underwear underneath? They like, tucks it up. What's the deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it? What does that mean? Several under words? It's so defined.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have a ball at the end of a rod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, then you're gonna have to be a boner all the time to tuck it up like that, right? I mean... Not if you rock your underwear a little lower. Oh, you just like strangle the fucking loose?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, it was so early. What were the bars we used to go to on, was it on Fairfax?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that? What's that band with the dude with no teeth? Is that the Pogues? They're fucking rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember fucking scraping bowls at our crib on St. Patrick's Day and like listening to some fucking loud ass music. Dude, no weed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Made in America, it was during like watching Jay-Z perform, I remember I was like, uh, I gotta go. Dude. Just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ghost style. We were fucking mic'd because I, we were doing like, we were filming, like that whole thing. So I had the mic on, everybody's like, where the fuck did Kyle go? What happened to him? They didn't know where I went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Neither. Title. Were they pushing title? Ron Howard was there filming, I remember. I believe. I saw Ron Howard. Said what's up to him. That was tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We like missed, they were rapping on the door like you gotta go and I was so fucking drunk still I didn't have time to pack the camera and I had to fly back and I left my camera in Philadelphia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you re- you know what else happened at that- at that place that was really cool?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, I'm just trying to like, I mean, Jeremy is a fucking, you're definitely jumping in. What else do we got from Jeremy spoken Jeremy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle kept texting me. Yeah, Ders would have been on board. Remember how it was like all slippery on the concrete and we could like run and slide? Like that was hella fun. Ders would have been down with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there is something like when we were growing up in the early aughts, uh, it was like music. The best time for music. Yea, music was bad. And we knew it. At the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] CRL. It was not good. So we had to like embrace this shit pop culture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think I thought it was funny, man. I'm telling you, I was making fun of Dashboard Confessional and all that shit. Like, it just was too... Maybe I wanted to be a part of it? Maybe I wanted to be a part of it, but I couldn't allow myself to at that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I listen to a lot of hip-hop too, like at that time I was like more interested in intergalactic, you know, like the Beastie Boys and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Do you remember that dude, Everlast? Like, Everlast? Like, that was a joke, right? Like, how did that fucking happen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't watch the clock. We could still go. We could still go for a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take that part back because it's, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everclear, see that was the, that was the biggest joke. You got that album and every fucking song sounded exactly the same. That album is a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're ever on a date with a girl, just don't yell out the window at anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm good man, went on a, surprisingly I went on a Kyle style hike, not that early, had a normal time of the day, started around 10 o'clock, it was lovely, cleared my mind, felt good, feeling good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautiful. Beautiful. Wow. How long was that hike? Uhm, it was about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, she's got some great bazoombas. That was a name for women's, oh, and that's a name for a woman's, uh, breasts, correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, well, I know one thing. If this is the Thanksgiving episode, I'm getting the turkey bazoombas on my plate, baby. Give them to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I can't really remember. Somewhere in Northern California. It was golden and beautiful. Oh, you're up north. Yes, yes, I'm in my mother's guest room right now. Terrific country up there. Yeah, it's right on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know. Your body settles well. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you got it. It's the internet. It's glitch mob for a second, but we know it's a four week clean up job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then he kept bringing up later and later into the night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't know what Amish people look like and then they kinda...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I do have an opportunity for you fellas to make some money if you're interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got a little bet to put on the table if you're, if you're willing to invest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well first I have to ask you, what is a gentleman's bet? That's no money. It's where there's no money. Okay, this is not a gentleman's bet. Alright, tight. Okay, do you know what this is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, so I don't know if you know or not, but the Grammy nominations have been announced, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't wanna try and live up to their album. I wanna put down a bet for the best song of the year. Okay? And basically, this is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Up for best song? All I'm saying is right now, because in my mind, I don't know, you guys have definitely heard Dua Lipa's song Don't Start Now, right? Do not know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's basically one of the three greatest songs of all time. Can I play a snippet of it? You say Dua Lipa? I jump in the air.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can play up to 15 seconds and then I have to cut it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you will know what it is, I'm gonna play it right now, you're gonna know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to give me a hundred dollars. Do you see what I'm talking about? No, that's not how it- Yes, you have to give me a hundred dollars if, if, if this song wins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wait, well, that's all you get, cause that's 10 seconds. That's, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? We do, but I don't want Beyonce coming for me. Are you kidding me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna start calling them veggie dogs. This is the only song I'm actually kind of afraid of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I will say that Beyonce song- Oh my gosh. Well, put your money up. I'll put my-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You already think Beyonce's song is gonna be Dua Lipa, so you already got a hundred bucks, if you're that confident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying like how to go if you can't. You taste like a watermelon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys want me to keep going down the list of these songs? All you have, there's like eight. Yes. Okay, here's the next one. We got an hour to kill. This is the one I'm actually afraid of. If I'm being honest, this is the one I'm actually afraid of. It's Roddy Ricch. I'm guessing you've heard this one. It's a goodie. It's a goodie. It's the box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not the whole thing. That's not what we're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys better tread lightly with who you guys are talking shit about. They're gonna come for you, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just let- actually I think he's going to throw up. Next song for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like Florida. You want me to play the next song so, so you don't think Adam needs to hear it? Okay. No, it's over. The next song we got. Yeah. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so this is- Oh yeaah. This song always gets stuck in my fucking dome. Okay, so you're aware of this. This is a Post Malone. Yeah. Circles. Yeah. Okay. And he's back. This song's good. It's a good song. Sure. Yeah. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and I'm, and I'm, you know, I wish, I, very early on in our fame, I feel like Post Malone reached out to me on Twitter, and I was kinda like, yeah, I don't, I don't know, I just, but I wish I could take that back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle, I have a serious question. Is your worst fear to be... Oh, that's a great question. Uh, I do enjoy being arrested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, it's kind of a reoccurring theme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is me. I wish it was fuckin' sick, too. Well, we only got two more seconds. Bernie Eyelash. I wanna make a... Really took us on a slow, slow ride. Let's get some beautiful keys. Here's the deal. We only played 13 seconds, so I'm gonna do two seconds right in the middle of the song. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She actually does have some hot tracks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does a pop do? To make a song that crazy, what else did you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's JP Sachs. And Julia Michaels. Nah, I fuck with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That kind of sounded a little Frank Ocean to me to be honest, but I heard some, but they, I mean they're all cribbing from


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had not heard those songs before and there are a lot of really good songs, but I'm still willing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can I? Can you play Dua Lipa again or have we already done it? Uh, that's, you know, that's a technical question. Can I revisit the song? I'm asking, um, I'm asking our technical wizard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I-I-I don't know her background, I just know she's a good artist. I don't know her deal though. She's-she's got it all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, alright, cool, uh. Great videos, good looking, sings great, she's got- What do you mean she's got it all? Videos? Where are videos playing anymore? You can find them on Quibi, man, come on! V-Vemo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that the bet he offered? Wait, yeah, are you saying you're joining my team? I'm joining your...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. I like to say that's frozen pizza. Cause it's so cool. That ain't frozen pizza dude. Cause it's so what? It's so cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that will be, that will make it very fun is to have a little theme board. I have been kicking that around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so, so, uh, Ders and Kyle are gonna owe me $100. Adam's out of the bet when Grammy Day shows up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can include Adam. Adam's taking the field. So now we have to figure it out. It's a guarantee. Yeah, guaranteed. If Dua Lipa wins the Grammy, you owe Adam $100 and you owe me $100. If she doesn't win, we owe you guys $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would love to give a compliment to all the Grammy nominees. Special shout out to Power Trip, RIP Riley, Thunder Cat, Flying Lotus, two of the best guys. Congratulations. Grammys 2021, tune in. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And see what happens. I definitely tweet along. Let's all tweet along for these Grammys. And I'll definitely- Do you actually watch? If we're still quarantining, I will be glued to that television.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's what was bugging you when we started off the podcast. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hi folks, Lee Diffie from NBC Sports here. If you truly enjoyed what you just watched, you can get more news, interviews, and highlights by subscribing to the Motor Sports on NBC YouTube page. You can get it all, so go for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The high five could be where it started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, where was the poll posted? Twitter. Who was the pollster involved? 500 people were polled. I don't know these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because you had a little sob story going on, man. It's because people felt bad for you. It was, it was biased.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna, I was gonna congratulate Adam. I was gonna say I'm happy that you're happy right now. I think that's very cool that you found it in you to post that and get all the wins. I didn't know it was already there. If you fucking posted that shit, it's biased as shit. No, it was already there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So again, alright, alright, I won't, I'll congratulate you, I completely disagree with everyone, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What picture of their ass, of your ass were they voting on? Because we just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How are you pronouncing this now? Mount Diablo, but as I grew up it was Mount Diablo. You're right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam actually says extra in the word divorce. Cause you say divorce. Well he says pastor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you look it up, nowhere, nowhere does, if you look it up online, nowhere in the world does it say Scherbert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I actually, I don't, I'm learning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, if you build it, they will come, but it's not necessarily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's not how it was said in the movie. It's like, if you build it right- It's like, Luke, I am your father. Right. It's like, Luke, he never says that. It's like, these things that have been distilled down to a nice line that works out of context. And it's like, that's the line, cause the world says it that way. But when you go back to the movie, within context, the line is different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, almost too nice. They're hoping that like, there's another plane of existence?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. You're stepping on toes, man. Yeah. Tyrese.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like people, I feel like people will go deep into this hopeful attitude for things like this because you do think about a space-time continuum moving off and being like, oh my god, there are other planes of existence. Much like people dive deep into religion because they're like, there is a different life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That parallel, so life after death might just be jumping over into this other universe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we are YOLO generation, where you only live once, and that's kind of what...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, information is done. Deep fakes. Deep fakes bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I say yolk. Fair, fair. That's cool. You got a different.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, that generation, it's over. Now you look at a Photoshop and you question it. You look at a picture, you question it. You look at an image that might have some information, you question it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we still grew up in a time when what was printed in textbooks was real. So you think? What was on TV was kind of like that was a real advertisement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Read some books? Go read a book you illiterate son of a bitch. Ah, step up your vocab.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pecker's hard. That's amazing. You got a hard pecker now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, my dad was just talking about tools and said like, that makes my pecker hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. Dude, that's a trip, man. Yeah, augmented reality. Fucking changing shit up, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeah, I think- No, no, no, you lose it. You lose it, dude. It's super crazy, dude. Have you ever put it on or played a game? It's fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time I put it on somebody it was like a Game of Thrones thing at Comic Con and they had, they were shooting like heat, like flaming arrows at me and I fucking freaked out dude. Like it was, it was scary. Like hey, that just tells you your body's working, your senses are intact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's that good, really. So it wasn't stupid. Wait, why'd you say it was stupid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we, are we done, or is it? Do you think when you do cry, you're gonna cry for like, fucking like, a week straight? For years? Yeah, for like, to make up for everything, you're just gonna be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep it real, she's wearing the bear coat, so we know who she picks. Who wore the bear coat. Who's she really shouting out here, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's also wearing pants, so... Oh, come on. Yeah, keep dreaming, bud. Everyone knows I wore pants. You did wear pants a lot. Taylor, I know you, Taylor, everybody else turn it down. Everybody turn it down? Okay. Turn it down, I'm speaking directly to Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift, hey. We never brought them back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, this wasn't about hitting on Taylor Swift at all. Yeah. I'm married. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not hitting on it. I'm not hitting on her. Well, what was that? Exactly. So what's happening? Well, you just said we're soulmates. What happened there? You kind of spun out. What was that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I meant to say, everybody turn it down real quick, I gotta correct something that I said to Taylor Swift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we were, what were we doing? We were doing cake versus presidents of the United States of America, uh, after that, kind of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, sure. I have to go pot USA forever. Right. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just had no idea. I thought I was speaking to Adam alone. I didn't know that you could hear me when I was talking to Adam. I thought we were having a personal conversation. My bad. I thought you would do what you said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you could do that. You make a little smiley face with a nose? Yeah. How are you doing this now? Upgrade your lifestyle. I like looking at all my guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, we did Christmas and New Year's, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mediocre. Hey, uh, I know how exactly bad I am. Right about-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found it hard to- yeah, cool. Tight. What's up, Ders?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have trouble sometimes, uh, cause it's like, like they speak sometimes, I find it hard when anybody speaks like this, but I find mostly Australians and Kiwis are like, Mumble. They mumble. Mumble. And it's just like, what the fuck is going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, across the board, that never works for me. They get the mumbles. But it feels like, I don't feel like I need a lot of, uh, English speaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We've had that. It truly strikes a chord in my sense memories. Well, don't be afraid to bust it out, man. Play it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Yeaah, and then that money just kept coming in, right? I mean, those were the types of deals that they got back then. They would- Syndication. That was a, that was a slam dunk. Yeaah, the syndication money was so real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, did you guys dodge? Alright everybody, are y'all, y'all ready to recite the Lord's Prayer? Let's go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could also make enough money and then give as much as he wants back to the church if he wanted to. Thank you. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I used to go to church so much, my grandpa built a church out here. Like that was his thing. He built a... Okay. You went so much that he built it? No, I mean, he built it. You know what, I'm gonna build you a church, Ken. You know what? He built it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He built it. That's the last time I was in a church was for his funeral. Like I was in the sanctuary that he built and it was like, whoa, like this is. That he built that's tight. That's fucking cool. Two generations removed and it's just like, he put the stained glass up. He built a sanctuary for people to worship in and I'm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a hella funny dude though, like he was really funny. He just did his act hella clean, you know? Allegedly. I never heard it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said the funniest thing to me. He also had a great dick joke that was just hilarious. When we went to Mexico and we were Puerto Vallarta and we went in and we were all swimming and then we were wearing swim shorts and you know how swim shorts have the net in it and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just mumbling to himself and he's like, where did I put that thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's all good. Yeah, it was hilarious. Cause I mean, nobody made small cock jokes at that point. Everybody was like, oh, my dick's so big, my dick's so big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My wife is an abstract artist, and this was something that probably, the interesting thing about her art is she puts, uh, probably like six paintings on one painting. So she'll finish one, I'll be like, that's great, that's fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then she'll just paint right over it and put another one on it. I'm like, that's fucking gorgeous. And then she does it again. She really, it's, it's therapeutic for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, I like it. It feels like, uh, it looks like a magic eye to me. I feel like it's a magic eye of the Wu-Tang W.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My folks. These are my folks. I'll make sure to pass the compliment on to her, Anders. Uhm, and I would like to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. I also, I know. I'm sorry. It's not me. It's like, I'd like to take back my fucking backhanded compliment to Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But an epic slam is like really good when you turn it from a nice compliment. So I was trying to combine the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which note? I've been playing the piano a lot. We could end it on like a C major. That's a normal note. Sorry, do you have a piano right there? Oh no, I was just going to use my voice to make the- Or is that just a note joke? I was just going to say, it was a note joke and I could say like, we're done! And that's roughly a C major. Ooh, ooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you have to do is beat my song. That's all you have to do, is beat my song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't you feel that? Because I'm not working, okay, Anders? This right here, this doesn't work for me. This is play.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel for you, yeaah. I feel it, I feel it for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found out that uhm, my parents listen to the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got in a little trouble for talking about how my dad was bumping and grinding with those 22 year olds at South by Southwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Penny and Dennis both listened together, and evidently there were some side glances. And, uh, they want us to be a little nicer to Kyle. They think, they truly believe his feelings are truly her, and no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, Kyle's not a bitch, dude. He could take a little ribs. He could take some ribs. No, I'm good. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Should we start? Yeah, let's start saying pecker. Yeah, that gets my pecker hard. Peckers are important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess I would if I, you know, was a fucking murderer, dude. Because I almost murdered a man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yep, I almost murdered a man. This is every other week, every other week with you. Yeah, you've got a Tude prob. Yeah, what's going on? No, this is not about my Tude. This has nothing to do with my Tude. What happened? I was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost murdered this kid. He was on a, uh, one of those fucking scooters. Electric scooter? Or razor? The scooters, electric scooters, uh, yea, electric scooters that are all over LA, that they're just covering the streets with them. And admittedly, I kinda think they're cool. You know, I know if like, if I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 19 or 20 and I, you know, I didn't have a car or whatever, I'd be like, oh hell yeaah, let me get on this bitch and, and soar. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they were on the Cahuenga Pass, which at nighttime, which is an absolutely insane place to be, because that's right coming off the 101 or coming down Cahuenga into Hollywood, and people just fly. And he's on the right side, and I'm like going, okay, do I pass him like he's a bicycle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so. I'm not just gonna drive, ride 30 miles per hour behind this guy. So I start to creep around him and then he just veers hard left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, past two lanes of traffic. I slam on my brakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, within like a two and a half feet of murdering this kid. Yeah. And then he doesn't even look over his shoulder, he just keeps cruising.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I couldn't even tell you what he looked like. I like, my body went into shock. I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just hard took left. It was like, he didn't look at all. I was like, oh, I could've.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And admittedly I was a little high. Okay. Whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that didn't stop- Adam, Adam, you're not doing yourself any favors right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he wasn't, I mean, I think he was an adult man, but definitely wasn't, uh, old as fuck like us. Uh, no, he was, he was probably 20 or something, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was a young go-hard, he was seeing them in the streets, it was hitters, you know, as your brother said, uh, ten years ago, and it's still the slang that I use to this day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, let me tell you youngsters something about being old. Well, I think we just didn't die. We just kept living. And Anders is the oldest person I know, so the floor is his. Yes, true. Tell us what it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm much more like grotesque on the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Via different mediums to come around to, uh, releasing the hard pecker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that was a checklist of Akian raps, correct? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I don't wanna dissect this, I, I personally, Kyle, I'm a big fan, dude. I love, I love


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Motherfuckers! Yeah, Blakestad built computers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad I remember ruined a Sega. Uh, this is where I get it from. I remember he was putting, he was like, I got a Sega for Christmas and he goes downstairs to put it together and I'm like down there trying to help and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish, I wish that was the case. That's definitely not the case. He's, he's video game challenged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The oxes, baby. And I think, I think he had to like, reach around the TV. Remember how it used to not be on the front? So he had to like, climb around to the back, and I remember it being like a weird angle, but I don't know, I have no idea how it happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just trying to walk the tech back. I don't know, I don't know if it was the first year either. It could have been...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, dude, yes, they sent it to me and I wanted like, post to say like, be- cause that's why they're sending it to you. They want you to post and be like, holy shit, you got the Xbox. And then I'm- I'm up in LA and I'm not, uh, down in Orange County and I- I couldn't fucking post about it. And I feel like such an asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man. Kyle, the arugaloids are gonna love that dude. That was, that was- They are. They're gonna eat that like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that does not compute. Admittedly, it would be hard, like, it would be hard, uh, like, as a parent now, uhm, if your kid is just like, I'm gonna be a professional gamer, because you, you are, imagine having a kid that just makes like a hundred grand a month gaming, and you, and you have to just be like, yup, yeah, go in your cave and make your money, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, for sure. Oh yeah, you can, you can make straight bank. Dude, they're making millions. Like the Twitch kids that just sit there and then just play all day and record themselves, they make a fucking fortune. Just sitting and playing games. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know? Not better than the song, Paperboy. No, not better than Do The Diddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but, I mean, you know, the job. But the job. Yeah, it came out in, uh, in 1989.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when Sega dropped- Sega Genesis dropped on our fucking skulls. But if I had to guess, this was, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Early 90s, this was like a 1992 Dennis Devine snap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brutal. Yeah, my dad's dad's were mad in 92. I feel like dad's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, Chloe hadn't seen it. And, and like, she knows Danny now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, Dana McBride is like a comedy hero of mine. I'm so pumped I got the show. And she's like, oh yeah, he was in like Tropic Thunder and stuff, right? And I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes he was. Uh, also many other shows that he created that are the fucking shit and so I sat her down and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I remember, uh, when Dyrs brought that DVD, when we were having like the MOC weekly Wednesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Meetings that we would have where we all like cleared our schedule and Wednesday night we'd all get together and like pitch sketch ideas and then usually that weekend sometime we would shoot one of those sketches, uh, and we would, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll meet that Wednesday night and Dyrs came and gave us the Foot Fist Way DVD because what? It was like an agent buddy of yours that worked for ICM?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's always, it's always weird when like, someone's too pumped on either a band or a movie or whatever and you're like, alright, I'm sure it's good, but I remember you coming in and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' four hours of us just watching it and then we s- I remember when we was done at first we like all talked about it. It was- we truly went to film school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was 80 grand. 80 grand, yeaah. I, uh, I went to like a family and friends, like get together when we were shooting the Righteous Gemstone, uh, the first season and I met like all of Jodie's, like Jodie Hill's parents and like their friends who all invested in the Footfist way. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like the people that were like, yeah, well, uh, they couldn't have made it without us. And they're, you know, they're like elbowing each other because they gave them like 10 grand each or whatever it was. They're part of the demo team. Oh hell yeah, they're part of the demo team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it why? Cause he like wouldn't curse? That was the best thing, right? He was pretty family friendly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder what happened with Sinbad's career, cause he was like, white hot for a little while. I wonder if he just stepped back, because he was so funny and so good. I wonder if he made a choice where he was just like, hey, I did it, I'm gonna step back for a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I saw that in the theaters. It was so good. But do you all remember the first kid? Oh, of course. Remember that? Remember that banger? These are movies


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they have worms and shit? You know how dogs, when they're wiping their ass on the floor? Yea, that's, that's Blake. He's always sitting somewhere where like, it's not a seat. You know what I mean? Like he's always sitting somewhere that you're like, oh that's not, alright, I guess we could sit over there in that corner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think your underwear gets a little extra wear and tear because of that. Me? My plump ass? It's always sitting in proper seated areas and that's why my underwear stays...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What was that underwear that you got? Remember when we all, when we first started to make like a little bit of money and we could afford to buy frivolous things like underwear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like you're not just, uh, getting like the, the hanes that you've been wearing your entire life. They're just like a big old sack full of, uh, underwears. And you could like get a nicer microfiber or something that would feel nice on the thighs in case you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But remember you guys would like rock. I kinda just, I got, like I tried on Calvin Klein's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I'm basically Mark Wahlberg in these, this is my shit, and then I've just rocked them the entire time and that's what I wear. But, I stopped there, but you guys like went down a road, I remember you guys, uh, you guys were like wearing sacks where there's like a pocket for your nutsack or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hang on, so when, and then you take those off. This is a development. When you wake up in the morning, you take off those underwear and put on new underwear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Looking back on, like, the Boxer Patagonia, nice. Those are nice. Those are, yea, you can, those really, those are breathable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure, Ders has that dialed in. He's got a super super hot to the touch dick that needs a lot of airflow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel, I feel like we all could benefit from, from his knowledge. Thank you, Jersey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not great. Well, I feel like Nike, that's some jock underwear. You could probably work out in them. To me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many pairs of shorts with those linings in them? I think my ass is too big for, for those, for the, with the linings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, every time I put on, uh, those, like, shorts with those linings in, it's my thighs, uh, there's like an indention, uh, because my thighs and ass are too large.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all know that you have your entire asshole out of your pants all day long. It needs a lot of airflow. That- that- Blake's butthole needs tons of airflow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ride my jock. I couldn't run with a nutcup on. Like, back in the day when you were in baseball, and I would try to run with the nutcup on, I'm like, I can't do it. Like, you, you, you, like, it's too weird, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have issues. Dude, I don't know any other way. That's how I've done it my entire life. How much poo do you leave in your butt that way? Like, it's compresses. I don't, dude. Dude, my ass is so clean. I have the cleanest- No way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? Well after we, cause we had the same conversation on Game Over Man, and I had, uh, I'm blanking on his name, but the camera operator, the- Poop hanging out of your butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he fuckin' ruled. He was like, hey, uh, that's how I wipe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he came up- He overheard it and he goes, I'm with you, solidarity. He's like, uh, yeaah. I also, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? I really have to get in there, dude. Like this right here. And then you're wiping it and you're pulling it back onto your cheek. It's disgusting. You guys are foul. What I do, I'm like bent over in that stall, going to town. Like one hand down on the floor?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a very clean ass, it's wildly clean, I keep that thing very nice. I believe that Kyle has a disgusting ass, he crumples it up, he dabs his asshole with a crumpled up toilet paper and then calls it a day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you're like double and triple, uh, pulling extra?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was, I was truly shocked when you guys were like, what are you doing? Oh yea, cause we had to film it, that's how it started. We were shooting it, yea, we were shooting, and then I'm like, I'm wiping my ass, and you guys are like, what, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like that you crumpled up toilet paper immediately. You're like, oh, this is beautiful. I see beauty in everything. You do, Blake. Till it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes bro. Through and through. Yeah, cause we got that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you really have, uh, calmed down a lot, Blake. How's- how's that? How's that life?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Yeah, Blake used to get drunk and like, try to, really try to hurt himself. That was like his main agenda, was be like, hey, shh, let's see if I can try to break something of my own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I, like, carried his ass. I was, I was underneath his arm that entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a wild ass night. Let's, let's save that. Is there any compliments, uh, take backs, or apologies, uh, in today's episode? Wow. I'd like to compliment...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Kyle and all the aruguloids for just being steadfast for their love of Kyle and their love of salads. Because in my DMs I got a lot of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, a lot of comments of just like, fuck you, salads rule! Uh, you know, arugula! And I think, uh, that they rule, and I, you know, I'm turning around on salads. I do think that chicken tenders...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are better than just salads, but you know, maybe a chicken tender salad is in the works. Who knows? Uh huh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On earth, it's in the works? Like someone somewhere's doing one? No, no, no, no. In our restaurant that we're obviously gonna start together. Look at him fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, thank you, Anders, and I would like- Good job, Adam. I'd like to compliment you for that. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I've, I've got a- Uh, Kyle, fuck the arugaloids, dude. Okay, okay. Alright, now we're doing it, baby. Team, uh, team, uh, three point stance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do also wanna... It's not, it's not that deep and it's, I mean it is deep, but it's not that dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think we need to do that again. I used to love that. Because Kyle's like never been into a store before. He's like, whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You better check yourself. But you're, that's, that's your heritage though, right? Correct. And I like you as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you know they've caught people this way, right? You know that's the whole thing? I didn't know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I wanna say that, uhm, Patton Oswald's, uh, wife who passed away, like she discovered some murderers through that. Here we go, we got a chat coming in from the producers who know things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's asking you. This is what I'll say. I have, I have been, I was measured, like my, in high school, when I was probably like a junior or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, my parents had me like, take some tests to see if I needed, like had a learning disability. Oh my gosh. And they were like, he might be dyslexic, he reads at a 10 year old level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, like you know a word, but I'm just, I'm not, I don't read quickly. And my major thing is, uh, and guys at home, I know this is super fascinating. Uh, the major thing for me-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I told you guys this, when I was taking the ACT's, and I think the last part is reading comprehension, like you read a thing and then it asks you questions, I fell asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While testing? Woke up at the end of it or like, or no, somebody came and woke me up and they were like, hey, and I was like, oh shit. Cause I was like, let me just take like a minute nap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, let me just put my head down for a second. I'll wake up like fully refreshed. And then it was like just about over and I was like, like I didn't finish it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they called parentheses in math, though? Are they still parentheticals? Yea, they're parentheses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what just happened. What just happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You failed, you failed the class so then you had to retake that same class again, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean, like fast food style or garbage grocery store?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're right. I think ketchup can taste good on almost anything, but that's where you need to kind of look inward and go, I won't do that. That crosses a line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Hot Dog SpaghettiOs is a no-no. That's a no-no. That's a no-no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to throw, look, I don't want to throw stones in a glass house because my mom's move when she was making hamburgers was she would give me like a little bit of the raw beef, put the salt on it, and I would eat that. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. That's fucking gnarly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the kind you make a burger from. You put an egg over ground beef. That's meatloaf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Steak tartare is a meat dish made from raw ground or minced beef or horse meat that is often served with a raw egg on top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, hot dog water is when you go to the, we go to get a, at the fucking Cubs game or whatever, wherever you get your hot dog out of the boiling water, that's hot dog water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, did I never make you a dickaz?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Italian sausage, uhm, hot dog? Ever? Never?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Specifically, cause I don't know if the Vienna beef joints are cooked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so people pick up all the fruit and squeeze and touch and do all that. You should definitely get in the habit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you wait, hang on, let's get this straight, uh, let's be honest, as Blake was earlier. Are you grubbin' on the skins, Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might as well go to the grocery store and just go around licking people's fingers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're sick instantly. You know that, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just looking for time, I haven't seen Sixth Sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's one, there's only one reason for a white person to wear a Mexican sombrero, and that is to cover up your Indian headdress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, like, you're, for better, for worse, probably for worse, this is, wearing this umbrero as a white dude, you're getting lumped in with everyone who does not give a fuck, right? True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe you just don't wear it because you don't want to be mistaken for that or, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think when you're, when you are wearing the plate, like, if you're in Mexico wearing a sombrero, I feel like you're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, look, can you not drink, like, uh, Mexi- like, that's like, can you not drink tequila? Although Homegirl got hemmed up on that, right? No, that- that's different. What happened? No, but that's- that- yeah, what are you talking about? Uh, Kendall- Kendall Jenner, like, made a, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They look, when you wear them on the back, they look real tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you're the band and like you're done for the night, you just take the hat off and hang out. Oof. Oof. That's nice. Some bros are sick, dude. They're sick ass. What else is fucking dope?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do they make crazy fake Rolexes that are actually expensive? Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got so confused because everyone would be like, Anders, can you tell the guys to get together? Or like, I was like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was always confusing to me. And then as far as after July, the whole, um, August, September,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, no, no, no, no, yeah, I didn't, I like, yeah, it was a whole thing. It was a whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When, when we would do uhm, for swimming, you use like a, uh, like a, like a giant stopwatch clock right on the side. Yes. So we had that, but then we also had the digital clock. When the digital clock was bumping and we had to do like 10 whatevers on like 115.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would be like crunching numbers and doing math in my head while I'm swimming like I don't know when to fucking go. So I would always go to like the back of the lane and just let somebody else do the counting and shit. And then I just go five seconds behind them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if anything I could have been faster if I knew how to tell time. And could go fast and train a little harder but I always had to let somebody go ahead of me because I would just like get so lost trying to keep


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a vegan, can you butt chug hot dog water? I don't think you could. I don't think so. I don't think you could.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you had other options, so I'm judging you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't tell time, it's not like I couldn't tell time, and, and didn't, and you're like, if I told you guys- Wait, what other options did I have? I knew how to tell time, but I refused to look at clocks? No, hold up, what other options did I have?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know you had wheat things. I've been to your house. That's a white family with some wheat


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have not shat on you, sir. Strange cheese incident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks like a regular capital D. It's just a D. And then with a little- But it's just got a little hat on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet there's like a cool ass pen that's made out of like moon rock or something and I'm down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, I'm talking, yes, I'm talking about the pen that you, you lick the tip. Oh my god, moon rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just suck on it. You suck on the pen you chew. Hey, why is Blake chewing on his pencil in class? You know why.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You may have heard, but there is a huge new addition to the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't- I don't have much to do, and there are only two sounds, so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I guess I could just go, yeah baby, after things you say and it pretty much... Was that the soundboard? Was that the soundboard or was that you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On to the next one. Yeah, it was crazy. And not to mention, Mr. Myers played


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Several iconic characters in that film. So tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to sneak that out of my sister's room and just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck that shit. That album is fire.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Crazy was definitely left eye, correct? Because she was kinda like, psycho, burned her dude's house down, which was sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's probably why it was rejected, uh, because I don't wanna watch that kind of shit, man. I don't wanna have to look my demons in the face, dawg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I'm kinda bummed, isn't like, uh, Skinamax and like all that like late night softcore porno stuff, that's gone now, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It kind of feels like sometimes when you have like old people trying to decipher TikTok, it's like cavemen with fire. Like, woah, what is this? Ah, hot, whoops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, uh, you gotta stay plugged in, guys. Come on. As soon as you dip out, the train leaves the station. Come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say though, House of Highlights, they pull vids off, they like clear their timeline, so I don't know if he got busted for being too hot or if it was just House of Highlights being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, and your parents have to, your parents have to read these comments about what these people are gonna do to your body and it's just- My parents just had a COVID scare. Woah!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm going to tell you something right now. You're lucky if that's all you catch. Okay. I'm trying to catch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was about, don't you remember when you fell off? That was crazy, right? Oh, so I, so I am the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. What, start quoting? Just, just go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. And he had sick style in that movie. He had those little braids. That was so sick. Very influential.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I said, those two. Different read, different read. Oh, okay. Come on, there's a di- there's- Alrighty then. And then a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the other one's a little bit up. See, was that you or the board? That's what I'm saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have the original sentences?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you write all the words down, have someone read them aloud to you, write them down, and then try to mix them back together from memory to maybe what those sentences might have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, that was, is that still a, like, a thing? Cause that was a hot trend for a minute to get a little Japanese, like, word in Japanese. Or, or Chinese.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that, was it? I thought it was, what is your, what language is yours in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I also do remember you Kyle piercing your nipple, uh, right? Was that just Justin?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, also the shows last a long ass time too. God damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gosh. Sorry. You suck, man. I'm gonna slap that on my car. We're bad news. Yeah, the worst. I mean, who, but who was the dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heck along, dawg. Heck along. The everlasting drumbeat, it still continues to this day. It's right here, brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, Ders, when you run a marathon, do you strap a... one of them little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. Wow. I do wanna try to do one once to say I did it, but like, yeah, just running like six miles is, my legs aren't stoked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A half, one of them. Adam with his bid for politics right now. I love it, baby. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least we can agree on one thing, if it was by smell, we're NOT voting for Bernie, my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who hasn't? Yeah. This next question is real talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Steyer. I know who you're talking about. Tom Steyer. Tom Ace. I think that's the guy. I mean, that is such a deep cut. I think we're kinda, we forgot about Andrew Yang. Let him do his thing. Oh, that dude smells good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet he's got some really bomb ass cologne. He's on top of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he's extremely fragrant. I guarantee he enters the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know any of these people. A lot of misinformation coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's stinky. The receptors in my nose say I don't like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you, you can smell natural and that is fine, but what we have in this society and we're able to have is the ability to smell pleasant. And if you want to smell pleasant for yourself, if you catch a waft of your delicious delightful deodorant, that's a cool option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's our cool scent. Because I enjoy good smelling stuff. I love good smelling stuff. It's one of my favorite senses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it smelled fine for a little bit, but it lasted maybe five seconds. Right, right. And then he was back to stinking. But I love the smell of lemons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're saying your dookies are so bad that when you spray Glade, it smells like dookie Glade. And it fucks up the good scent for you in the real world because you're like, as soon as you smell lavender in real life, you're like, it brings back memories of dookie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Pick me with that. Thank you for your truth, brother. I appreciate that. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. That's cool. I like that. I do not wanna, I do not look forward to smelling Kyle's armpits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vegan farts are brutal. Yes. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, there's so much that goes into smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes when the homie that just ate Carl's Jr. farts, it makes me hungry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like a sketch. Well, you worked on a set near him, so I think it was real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. I love all nicknames. I take them, like, if you call me boss, if you call me...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My guy, like, it's all good, man, I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way people say it to me. Wait, what was your basketball nickname? The way people say it to me. I wanted to call you Fuzzbucket. Ponytail over here. Ponytail was my nickname.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only guy I know was from Final Fight, the video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This podcast here. Guy Pierce. Guy. I should say the first guy I ever knew was Guy from Final Fight and I was in all the way.


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[Assistant] You said they had tacos and they never have.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and you know, I, I just want to say that, uh, these past few weeks I've been doing a lot of Zoom promotion for my, uh, new shows. Woke on Hulu. Now you can watch it. Please do. And also Tigtone came out. You can watch it at midnight on Adult Swim.


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[Assistant] I've been doing so many Zoom interviews and I was really starting to feel quite exhausted and sorry for myself. And then I thought to myself, you know what? Teachers are out there doing this shit every day with little kids. So just another big compliment to the teachers with all these little kids clocking in on Zoom every day. My goodness, you're heroes.


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[Assistant] Thanks guys, thanks for watching, I appreciate that. No problem. Thanks for supporting. I know Dyrs. I know.


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[Assistant] I stopped watching it, but I gotta tell you, you know who's good and it is my main man, Chris.


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[Assistant] He just, you think he just lays there?


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[Assistant] You're on time out. This reminds me of John Stamos, how he's like flawless but then he has like a crazy belly button.


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[Assistant] No, I, actually Brad Pitt doesn't have a butthole. He doesn't.


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[Assistant] Haven't you ever driven past a nightclub and seen the line and been like, I definitely never want to go to that fucking nightclub. This is the same shit. Like what are you, what are you trying to win? Like it's, it's not that great in there.


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[Assistant] It's crazy to me that people are super offended by Razzie's. Like, it wasn't good. Yeah, like isn't that the deal?


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[Assistant] I guarantee you, there are people who show up, they're like, dude, I'm just here to get this check and then I'm gonna help.


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[Assistant] I heard he, uh, he gave someone bad dick. He mailed poop to somebody and he gave another woman allegedly bad dick as like a whole prank. It was a whole joker.


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[Assistant] I want somebody who's like, who wins the Razzie to go in and like act like their game and accept the award.


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[Assistant] And then explain that they had like the worst year of their life while filming it. Like shit was just hitting the fan at home, like a kid died and they're like, so that's the reason I wasn't exactly focused and maybe didn't give the best performance of my life. So I'm glad to be here. Uh, shout out to my dead kid, uh, and the house had burned down. Thank you for the razzies.


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[Assistant] Uh, then I realized there's no possible way it's gonna be good, but sick cabin in Montana. None of you are invited. Halfway through. I'm gonna put this...


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[Assistant] They use my favorite caterer. Uh, food was great every day. Other than that, lunch was insane.


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[Assistant] And I was well lit, mate, cause I was hammer.


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[Assistant] Oh man, isn't it crazy though when you do see like an amazing actor have like a bad scene and you're like there weren't any other takes or like you just automatically you're like the camera guy fucked up five takes and this was the one that made sense that they had to use.


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[Assistant] Is there any red vines? Wait, that's true or?


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[Assistant] Wait, it, it's true or like it's, it seemed like that?


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[Assistant] But wasn't, wasn't the last Avengers movie, like, the exact same length or close to it? Like, who the fuck is counting minutes? If it's good, rock with it. If it's, if it's not good, it feels long as fuck anyway.


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[Assistant] I don't know. Trump's a bigger dude.


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[Assistant] Trump's like 6'2", right? And he's fucking wide-booted.


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[Assistant] But the lawyer, Cohen or whatever, like confirmed, he was like, it wasn't a piss tape that he was peeing on hookers that Cohen was talking about. He was talking about how they allegedly went to a strip club somewhere and at the strip club there was a piss show. It's encouraged. And they all watched it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, super fascinating stuff. Genuinely, just good, good news.


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[Assistant] Yeah, baby. Did someone say we were getting better? Yeah, who? I like Adam's is as good or if not better. Yeah!


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[Assistant] He's constantly trying, but you know what's funny? I feel like for Bo Jackson, the bat broke before it even hit the leg. It was like, we're not, we're going to break that leg too strong.


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[Assistant] Yeah bro, have you, this dude ran so, he ran so hard that when someone grabbed onto his leg and he kept going in stride, it pulled his femur out of the hip socket. And when he said, he told the doctors that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so he tried to keep going, but there was a full grown man holding on to it. And he told the doctors like, yeah, when he grabbed on, the hip came out of the sock and the doctors were like, well, that's impossible. That doesn't happen. But like, let's get you to the sidelines and get you fixed up. Then they took him to the hospital and inspected it and they were like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, you, you pulled your hip out of your socket. And that dude still has the record for the 40. Back when dudes were running in like, ruse and shit, like.


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[Assistant] Running in what? He's a freak of nature. Kangaroos. Roos. Kangaroos. Oh, okay. The fuck are kangaroos?


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[Assistant] It's a shoe brand like before they had like legit spikes in football. They had like the rubber like pattern bottoms like Walter Payton used to rock them.


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[Assistant] Or just, or bow, bow staff for Donatello cause it's a turtle.


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[Assistant] I want to say I have a recording of Adam and myself brainstorming from like 2002. That's fucking epic. I think it's still on my phone unless it like got lost in the transfers.


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[Assistant] I think it was Dorms. I don't know if Dorms had a Z, I think it had an S.


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[Assistant] Who the fuck are you? And I was like, I'm friends with the guys downstairs. And then some dudes were like, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, whoa.


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[Assistant] And then I was like, okay, I'll go. And then they like went to, those dudes went to get Kyle?


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[Assistant] And then Kyle was, and I was like getting my DVDs back from Adam that he had borrowed.


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[Assistant] I, I walked home to West Hollywood. Jeez.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it holds up. It's still perfect. That's when Blake came up.


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[Assistant] And Bobby, Bobby, what was the little kid's name?


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[Assistant] I know, but like keep it real. He was like the best improvising eight year old you've ever seen in your entire life, right? But then when you're like 20, a lot of people are pretty good at improv and you don't stand out as much. You know, I'm sure he'll have his. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.


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[Assistant] Resurgence, but he was like a fucking genius. He was so good. And he would just scream and do Michael Jackson impressions.


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[Assistant] You had to think that way, we all thought that way. We were all like, fucking lying to our parents saying we were closer than we were.


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[Assistant] That's why whenever you meet a huge star, they're crazy.


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[Assistant] You're the ones who believe it the most that like the world revolved around them and you're like, oh wow, we just had a conversation and you weren't there.


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[Assistant] There's like the work ethic. If you're crazy and willing to show up and work hard, you'll win. If you're crazy, but you think you're gifted and that like everybody else is lucky to be around you, you're probably fucked. And we know a few people like that that we saw like in the sketch game where you're like, wow, that guy's funny.


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[Assistant] By the way, I just so, I don't drink coffee, but I, I'll fuck with a five hour energy drink if I like have a long day and I need to get into something. And, uh, it gets me where I need to go. You have no idea.


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[Assistant] No, it was this. It was your mom's face looks like Samuel L. Jackson's wallet. Oh man.


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[Assistant] What's the latest, what's the latest you'll drink coffee in a, in a normal day?


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[Assistant] Whoa. Really? Oh, see that's craaaazy.


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[Assistant] Every morning. Uhm, no, but like. Yeah, morning dude, that's when you're supposed to be shakin' off them webs. So you, so on like a normal day, work, working outside like, cause if I, I have a thing where I, if I drink a five hour I need to drink after two thirty in the afternoon, it's a fuckin' nightmare for me to go to sleep later and I'm up till three, like, whatever.


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[Assistant] What do you think would happen if you didn't drink coffee for three days? Can we record that documentary? Can that just be...


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[Assistant] Because you do it every day. Yeah. Seven times.


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[Assistant] What's your drink of choice these days, boys?


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[Assistant] Uh, shit, if you got a regular ass drink, what is it? But I'm talking about the booze.


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[Assistant] I know, so man, when you guys gonna send me just like a little, a junior palette?


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[Assistant] Truly? You just said it's truly good? Like it's as good as truly? Yea, you can't say truly.


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[Assistant] If it was 1994, that would be huge.


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[Assistant] What is my drink? I do uhm, I just do margaritas man. That's my boy.


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[Assistant] I just do like a big giant fill home. That's my dad. God damn. Insulated mug of margarita.


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[Assistant] Oh no, I like to, I like to walk over to neighbors houses with just a giant mug of booze and be like, hey, just checking in. How are ya?


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[Assistant] Yeah, my neighbors rock, dude. That's cool. My neighbors are kinda weak. I got the best neighbors. My neighbors are kinda weak. My fucking neighbors are really


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[Assistant] How close are your neighbors? Kyle, you're out there in the fucking, uh, sprawling like rolling hills.


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[Assistant] Wait, so when you're driving for an hour and a half, is that, is it super fucking loud?


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[Assistant] So do you have, like, headphones? I know, but the music's blasting, right? It's just like, screaming at each other to talk. Do they have, like, boating headphones with microphones where you and Chloe can be rocking it and, like, talk to each other, like, normally?


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[Assistant] You know, you know, no, it's, I think it's, I mean, it's whatever, when I go to Oregon, that's what they have in the fridge. Or if I'm on production in some places, they usually have Polar.


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[Assistant] They don't, they, you just throw your garbage and recycling away together and then they sort it later.