[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's why, like, Berlin was such, like, there was like an arms race of basically, like, who's doing it better? East Berlin and West Berlin. So we were putting up, like, fucking McDonald's and Coca-Cola and all that shit. I mean, not McDonald's at the time, but like shit like that. The Soviet side, nothing.


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[Assistant] You think Trump, Trump would have to counter that on the campaign. It's gonna be tough to take him down. I'll fucking raise that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but doesn't that also help the account, like hiring the workers and all that shit? Just building a bunch of giant shit helps out economies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That documentary was wild on Netflix. Did you watch it? Which one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a documentary, it was like Inside the Real Narcos or some shit, like dude, there's just fucking heads on streets. Bro, I've been, uh, we've talked about it a couple of times, the main board, this website I go to has had a fucking cartel thread for the, since like 2009 where they're posting like pictures and live, dude, it is fucking insane. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was nuts. Dude, there was one video, it was fucking sick. It was a cartel hit, and you can see them all fucking doing coke. Yea. Right, like they all hop out of their fucking truck, do coke, take out Uzis, and just murder. That was one of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it is amazing over there. Like the amounts of how lazy. Lazy, yeah. A lot of that. Like Spain, I fit in perfect over there. Really? Dude, I was just laying in school. I'd show up hungover. They'd be like, you wanna take a nap? I'd be like, yeah. They'd just let me sleep. I was supposed to be a teacher. I'd just be laying in the back of a class.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just went over there, man. I was selling- So you were like, I'm gonna go to Spain, I'm gonna be- Got out of college, I was selling cars. I got- this is gay, I got real into reading. Memories. And I got real into- I was reading a lot of Hemingway, and I was like, I should go sell- I don't wanna just sit here. Yeah. Sell fucking Hondas. I was like, alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Found this teaching program where they pay you, you don't even have to really know Spanish.


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[Assistant] Cause you just have to speak English the entire time you're in school. Oh cool. So like we'll pay you to come live in Madrid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I just went out there? No, no, no. Like enough basically like. Super pesos. Like rent. They would like cover your rent and food. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a nice high last night. I usually, when I get high, I'm usually- That's what people do, man. Yeah, it was fucking great. Everybody went to bed. I was at my parents' house. I was visiting. Nice. Yeah. Everybody was asleep, went out back, smoked a joint, watched The Young Pope. I fucking love that show. I think I might be the only guy who likes this. Young Pope is the shit.


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[Assistant] This is, I mean this is a spoiler, if you haven't seen it yet, you know. But he was like a saint.


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[Assistant] How dare you come at my church, dude. Uh, yeaah, the summit was fucking sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it was 1300s. They were... yeah.


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[Assistant] They'd basically be able to execute like any political, they'd be able to kill anyone they wanted. So like if you were a political opponent or anti-church or like whatever.


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[Assistant] Now Matt's opinion on it was like people are becoming more atheists and like science is taking over religion, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there's been periods where the world was significantly less religious.


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[Assistant] And it's just still, the Catholic Church has still just been like, alright.


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[Assistant] That was one of my finest tweets. This fucking baron got yoked, dude. He's gonna fuck everyone up for making fun of him for being autistic. He's gonna fuck people up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ivanka's a fine specimen. She can run next. She's 2024, Ivanka. Then that's just priming the pump for Baron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real muscles too. Billy's a mallon dude. When I was younger I could have given you some trouble, but not now.


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[Assistant] No, no, I'm just kidding. I know, I think you would beat the fuck out of Lewis. He's a fat emo, dude. Uh, but in his defense, he does train. Don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's what I was thinking during the discussion about universal basic income. We might need it because there are nothing but artists coming up the pipeline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's so many of these motivational quotes to keep you going, dude.


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[Assistant] No, no, I'm not talking like a hang in there cat poster, I'm talking like artists that have made it, that are like, the day before I made it dude. Yeah, but you don't hear about all the ones that killed this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just did it, dude. You just terrorized a man? I'm so- Billy ruined his spot. Might as well have a Klansman fucking outfit on, dude. Why? Roll into a place I will not name, kinda close to here, and Lenny Kravitz with fucking makeup was sitting there, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mistgender the fuck out of him, I felt like a piece of shit. Well, that's good you felt guilt. Yeah, I felt a huge guilt. I am so fucking sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd love to see what working class Ocon- like if O'Connor was working class, what would it have turned out to be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Zac Amico is on, uh, he is funny. Him and his friends used to do pisspucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Me and my friends were soft. We weren't doing any of that. No bodily fluids. We were doing, uh, just ringing and running. Fucking. What is it? What do you call it? Ringing and running. We always, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is what they did to you. I can't believe anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole, the world is Kaya, but also, when I get back to the news thing, how it's like two sides, I really don't think it's a conspiracy. I think it's more just ratings grabs and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on, man. Yeah, it's like- I mean, there's stuff there like that, but like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't think it's like population control. I think it's just a guy that's like, Oh fuck, I got caught cheating. I better blame this on someone. Oh, I control the news. He's tossed this shit out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just, I also think it's just like, keeping them, keeping the population split up is kind of just, uh, like, you get more money if they're divided and they're fighting each other. Oh yeah. And like, I don't think the news in America, or in anywhere really, I mean obviously there's government controlled media, which ours is. Is. Is. North Korea. A lot of times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is disgusting. This is disgusting, dude. The dog listening. You brought these people. I didn't, dude. Matt brought in his fucking alt-right.


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[Assistant] I wish I had a lack of a conscience so I could get some girlfriends. That's sick.


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[Assistant] Bro, I was with a girl when I was there. Thank God. And in the streets of Hamburg they have these girls that wear puffy jackets. They're prostitutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was the girl I went home, uh, I was at her apartment and I took a shit. And they, they have toilets that don't have water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? You just shit on a porcelain plate. Yo, why? See they didn't have a fan. You can flush it, but the smell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do they get rid of their poopies? Well, eventually water flushes in, but the toilet bowl sits empty. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I walked in there and I was like, oh my god. This is mud pie sitting on porcelain. Absolutely. And then you flush it and the mud pie is stuck to the porcelain. Obviously. So the streaks are just insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there porn though? What do you mean? Are you watching porn or are you hiring girlfriends at this point?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Robert Kraft just got caught in a Jack Shack. Yeaah, Robert Kraft was being a boyfriend. He got caught.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His wife was a girlfriend. His current wife is a girlfriend.


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[Assistant] His first wife, the bitch, who was the girlfriend, which one? The new one. The new one was a girlfriend. He left his wife for a girlfriend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. What are you doing for sex trafficking? Exactly, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jones had abortions, and he's sorry for it. He had some abortions? Yea. On a scale of one to ten, they're like a seven, being gays at three, according to Jones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're sigmas though, so like it's kind of just whatever. We're sigmas. You're not, you're an alpha dude. I'm a sigma dude. I don't go out, I don't drink, I don't party, I don't do look at me shit. What's a sigma?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like fucking doing that shit. So the Obamas are Satanists?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we just, I just talked about this and we found out my grandpa like died from it. Really? My grandpa was like- Did you ever have him? He left it out on the field. Did you ever get one? I might've, I don't know. I definitely did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had, I found a fucking, I talked about this before, I found a newspaper article that was about, my grandpa played at Notre Dame and he got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A concussion so bad that they were like, he's out. Like he can't even play. This was in the thirties. They were like, that was a rough head. That was new and he cracked his fucking skull.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He died, he had a heart attack. And then during heart surgery when he woke up, he spazzed and tried to fight the fucking, when he woke up out of anesthesia, he tried to fight everyone and his heart exploded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm, I'm definitely cucked by my, the men in my family. Oh yeah. They're all fuckin', yeah. My dad, he was a fuckin' monster. Yeah. All his brothers, monsters. Fightin' and shit. Yeah, non-stop. Just, and then I'm just a fuckin' pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dude's being weird, and he checks the family in front of me, his receipt, right? And then he looks at two little girls, stains on his fucking shirt from probably eating rockos next door, and then just goes...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pedophile Spaghetti Monsters is so fucking hot. They're carcosas, dude. That's all they are. Damn dude. Carcosa was fucking. If you saw, I was, I called Spade immediately afterwards. We started up our podcast of two people with two listeners. Wait, you guys have a podcast? Yea, we just talked to each other all day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe gave you a thick root though. Yea, thanks. Shout out God. Yea dude, you're like a carrot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God is there than anything on the internet. I'm closer to God than I am to anybody else. My closeness with God is incredible. I call Spade every night and prayed with him. What do you guys pray for? We pray.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's nice. I love you, New York City with the rest of them. I am with the Bolsheviks, dude. Something like that. Do you think it's having an effect on you? Uh, I was, I was thinking about that. I haven't had, my material has slowed down a little. I've been a lot more cautious. Beta shit, dude, just let it rip, it's all changing. It's going back to the good boy side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, uh, New York is fucking wild, dude. You gotta see the Bolsheviks at work. Negative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As much as it just, I mean, it depends on how you, like, we talked about this last time, like, I don't think it was like a CIA guy that came up and was like, yo, chill. I think he was like hearing people be like, yo, you're all right. Oh yeah. And then he was like, no, I'm not. Watch this. Covered up his tattoo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's gotta be weird, man. I do, material-wise, it's pretty stagnant, but I usually make fun of- I can talk in between jokes. Like, a lot of times I'm fucking around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got it. You got it right away. Nah dude. Right when I fucking moved, I was like stop doing material, it's gay. And you instantly picked it up. True. Now you go on stage and don't do material. It's fucking sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's nice though? I just spent a weekend at home where everyone was like, you're a fucking dickhead. Why? My entire family was like, yo, you're a fucking dickhead. Why? Why? I guess I'm mean.


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[Assistant] Nah, the Skanks fans are fucking- Nah, they're reddit. They're cool, dude. Fuck their reddit, dude. Nah, they're- the reddit is- they've been good to me, but then every once in a while someone will be like, I don't know why everyone's on Shane's dick. Yeah, I'll take them out. Shane's fucking average. It's probably the-


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[Assistant] Well half the time it's fuckin', you go on his podcast, it's 11am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last time I did that podcast, they were like, it could be like, we gotta move it up to 10am. Is that too early? And I was like, that's so early.


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[Assistant] Why? Hell no. Just cause of the money? I dunno. Well, why? Cause you can't say shit like that and get hired. But it's funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the group text, they're like, I remember being uncomfortable about it and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm sure that's what they were going for. There's no way they were sitting there like, you know what would be funny? If we did blackface. Obviously it was an accident. Unless, you know, unless they- Would you buy Gucci?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, but, you know, 6-9 you could just add.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that'd be nice if he served this con- I served. Hey sir, you served.


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[Assistant] Yeah, don't call it that. Call it SDI-369, dude. That's a whole shit. That's what's up.


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[Assistant] Uh, March 14th, live podcast. Live podcast at Helium, March 14th. Go to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not gonna fuck it up, that's what I'm trying to say. Yes, yes. You think so? I think so, yeah.


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[Assistant] How are we looking? Pretty good actually. Should be good, should be set from last night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's new. You don't want to hear that. It's usually just, I'm gay, check, Matt's gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to, when that first happened, there was a thread about it on the mainboard. So I was on it from ground zero. I was on it day one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first person was like, this sounds fishy. And he was like, he kept the noose on for 45 minutes till the cops got there.


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[Assistant] That's a little weird, but then the main board so got so many fucking liberals. Sure. Like hardcore, fuck, cause now it's, the main board's totally divided. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like real PC principles, like hardcore. It sucks. I stopped using it because of it. Yeah, you're torn between, dude. It just sucks. It blows. And if you say anything other than PC shit, they're all like, you fucking retard, like they just come down on you. Damn, they just bully you? Yeah, dude. So they were like, you fucking assholes. And they're like, yeah, they all were like, this happened. Instantly, they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck? Like they still started like defending him. And then now they're just...


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[Assistant] Now that it's pretty clear he fucking orchestrated this, they're still like, well you like Trump, so you're fucking retarded. Like now it's just, can't even acknowledge they were ever guilty of this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It doesn't sit right with me that they get to live. No one will catch them.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it's like, dude, first off, what white supremacist is watching Empire and walking through Chicago?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's uh, I think they also had like a white substance mailed to him on the set. There was a letter, yea. Some Trump fans are trying to send out some anthrax, like dude, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it was like- I was talking to Claire about it last night, she was like, why would anyone do this? I was like, what do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, obviously why this guy would do this. Oh, why would they make it up? Yeah, why would he do this? Why would he stage this? And it's like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's the most powerful thing you can be right now? Like a victim of a hate crime, a Trump perpetrated hate crime. Good lord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's another thing. It's like, obviously the police wouldn't be like, yeah, we're going to turn the investigation onto him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be crazy. I mean, if that's the case, I'd be pretty excited. That would be wild. I would, I would support whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've, I've been slightly on that fence for a while. Like anytime there's like a swastika graffitied somewhere. You wait, yea. I'm just like, dude, is this really a white supremacist? Or is this just a retarded kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and everybody's so eager to come out with a story right away. Yeah, man. So like instantly the Twitter will be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hate crime. This happened. From like, NBC News. They'll be like, look at this hate crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Close. Well, these are both this and Covington are big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there was one week after the next. Yea, yea, yea. Yea, dude. It's like, these are not looking good for the left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. Dude, that's fucking nuts. Damn. I didn't know 6ix9ine was in this, like in that much of a predicament.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be awesome. You should drop the secret fucking mixtape. You should dude. Sick sign if you're listening dude. Snitching is sick dude. Be a guest. Yea, snitching is sick. I support snitching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A hoodie that said stop snitching. It was a fucking, it was a stop sign that said stop snitching. It had bullet holes in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, I didn't know. And then I wore it to Philly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And my sister was like, what the fuck are you doing? She was like, there's like a major problem right now in Philly of people not snitching and like cops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, dude? You don't want to snitch? I was like, dude, fuck snitching. I hate snitching. Now I've switched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw that. Fat Joe came out. Fat Joe was like, they're gonna, they want you to fuck up. They hate you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea. Don't do that. Dude, this is like- Don't sit front row at the boxing match.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stay in the back. Go to the thing if you need to. Yea, it's like an American gangster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they catch him because he's wearing like a fucking fur coat at a bar, it's like, everyone's shaking his hands, like stop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, orthodontists are pretty flashy, dude. They put their fucking name everywhere. That's true, yea, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. No problem. We gotta fix Beezer's dead tooth. We'll start with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your app from last night, I think you got something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People write like crazy shit. That is exactly what will happen. Yeah. If you let cars talk to other cars in traffic. Oh my god, it'd be so fucking- It'd just instantly be like, yo, you're poor as fuck. Nice car, faggot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they weren't really countries. They were no real countries. They were just family.


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[Assistant] Like the English kings would always have so much trouble getting money. Like taxing was impossible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you couldn't, to unite the country was like impossible. Even if you were the king. People would be like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't. I doubt it was fun. I mean, they probably, they didn't, there was no content.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the lords were retarded. Everyone was, there was a lot of retarded people roaming around. So it's like, chances are your lord was a fucking lunatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, I listened to that Mangalore podcast and then when I got home I was like, I wanna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna show Claire this documentary, my favorite Nazi documentary. It's called The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. How'd she like it? It's on YouTube. You can get the whole thing on YouTube. It's fucking sick. It was a history channel. Uh, she didn't like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, I don't know why, I was going into that, like, I think she's gonna like this. I put on a History Channel documentary, she was like, I'm going to bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've tried to put hardcore history on. Several different babes have denied it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. Yeah, I was nauseated out. You gotta, I think I made you watch that documentary once. I watched it, it was funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not fun. Then I got hit with a plague, dude. Plague rolled through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, of course. Of course, capitalism won't always blast, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This weekend was brutal. What'd you do? I got fucking hammered. I ate McDonald's. Aw, man. Yeah, dude. God damn it. Eh, we're back. Ketoed out today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, on vodka. If I drink vodka. If I drink vodka, that's what gets me. But you said otherwise you weren't getting hangry at all? Uh, I mean apparently I was. People just told me. You're low. I thought I was alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't tell, but yeaah. Your primal state. I was freaking out a little. I'm getting mad. When you didn't have the carbs? Uh, yeaah, when you don't, yeaah, I was, you know, because you're so much sugar. True that. All the time, and then you go from sugar all the time, like way too much, to then none. That'll fuck you up. Yeaah, I was getting a little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just dumping buckets of cold water on your head. It's like, dude, I better get my dick sucked, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep saying crazy shit, dude. You might end up there someday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After like three hours, you'd be like, uh, I made a mistake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One thing that hurt the float tank was we had, me and my girl had just fugged. Ooh, we had a little raw dick. Yeah, so I had a salty dick getting stung up a little bit while I was just floating around naked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That lady, that astronaut, she wore a fucking, no, when she went and tried to murder a guy, she lost her mind, she drove across the country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, but she put a diaper on and drove across the co- she just shitpants the whole way to a murder. What? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did she murder someone? I forget the story. I just remembered diaper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm definitely on a highway to a fucking, I'm getting a rest stop McDonald's heart attack. Nah dude, no way. You think so? Uh, no, but heart attack for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad wasn't drunk, thank god. I'm not saying your dad was drunk. No, he was, he was, uh, babysitting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. He said his shoulder's alright, but his back's still fucking with him. So that's one of those things. That'll hurt forever. Like as a geezer, if you fuck your back up like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He could be, if he's locked into that couch, locked into that recliner for health reasons, he's got a doctor's note for the recliner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I told you, I've definitely told this story on here, when my aunt, my aunt face planted during Christmas. And it was so fucking funny, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I don't want to spill the beans, but I think she fell recently. She gets fucked up. She fell and I lost a tooth on like a toilet or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea dude, if you're a geezer and fall, it's, that's a problem. That hurts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. She's like, this isn't gonna turn around. It's like, this is it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn it, still here. Now my grandson who hates me has to pick me up. Yeaah, I mean, cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it, they should get into like parkour. That would be pretty cool. Geyser parkour, then if you fall and die, that's sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a decent idea. That's not bad. Or they could just drop the suit and just walk to see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Going out in the woods? Like an old dog and dying? I think it's cool for everyone else. True. To be like, damn, he just wandered off in the woods. True. What a warrior. I bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three hours, that was the second you get hungry out there. You're sad? I'd be like, god damn it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucked up. You just sit down and you wait for death. You probably would just eat poison berries. I think you'd lose your fight. There's no way you could wait for death.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would just instantly be a panic. But it's like I fucked up. Just like anybody who jumps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I changed my mind, I got thirsty. Yeah, it's like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like jumping into a fucking enclosure at the zoo? Yeaah. That's an instant, like, help.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, for sure. Right when you get in, it's just like, oh fuck, help, help me.


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[Assistant] I watched a couple of those. They are tough to watch. Suicide by Bear? Suicide by Bear or like Tiger? Tiger. There's a Chinese dude who hops in and gets, there's a partner, a Beijing partner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He went in with like a cross or something? He went in and tried to like- He tried to tame the tiger. He tried to Daniel with the tiger- or the lions, right? Was it Daniel and the lions?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you're right. He went in and tried to, he was like, this is the Bible. Tiger saved him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Fuckin' awesome. You liked it? I loved it. I liked it too. I was like excited to watch it. When I saw previews for it, I was like, this is gonna be sick. It was awesome, I watched it the other day. Yeah, I got criticized. From who? My fuckin' bitch ass ex. Whaaat? Yeah, we were watching it and she was like, this sucks. I was like, you suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Definitely was. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, how now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty new. They just came out with a new one. A newer one? I think there's two Jungle Book movies. Maybe one hasn't come out yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, but I bet that's who they cast for both of them. True. I think there's one called Mowgli coming out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did I see Mowgli? I don't know, was it the kid? Did, I can't think of any, did Bill Murray play the bear? Bill Murray voiced


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[Assistant] What's his name? Jesus Christ. Who, the blue, the bear? Christopher Walken was the orangutan. I don't know.


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[Assistant] I mean both were tight. Guaranteed. Talking wolves. Talking fucking tigers. Snakes dude. Snakes chatting up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rogues just had a, he said it himself. He was like, that podcast sucked. With him versus Jack? Yea. He was like, I didn't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's like, I guess I didn't press enough. Just sponsored to. Yeah, that was, that was another thing that he, he addressed all this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think Rogues cared. I don't think he would care about that. What? One sponsor.


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[Assistant] He had this kid come on that's like a independent journalist that he like worked for Vice for a while. It's a really good podcast.


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[Assistant] Rogan and Tim pulled and yeah, and they talk about the Jack Dorsey episode and they're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, I mean he talked about it with Sam Harris too. About how he both, and Sam Harris did a podcast with Dorsey as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I wanted that one bad, dude. Yeezy would fucking bring it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think. So that's how he got compromised. He's got a me too in his closet. I mean, it's possible. A couple skeletons in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think Alex Jones is a clown? He says it himself. How dare you, dude. He says he's an actor. I thought you loved Jones, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how much, I don't know how much it's like somebody with like a, you know, briefcase and a suit approached him with like some pictures. It's probably just literally like, you're making a ton of money now. Don't fuck it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's nice about this? You're doing exactly what rogues would have done before he got compromised. Hey man. You'd be calling it like you see it. Hey man. Just like the old rogues. I miss him dude. I know, I mean, well again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Tim Pool episode was fucking good. Listen to that. You'll be back on Roadies. What was his rebuttal? Was he like? He admits, he was like, I didn't do enough. I didn't impress him enough. I, you know, that was it. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not white power. They're holding up the okay, but they're holding it down. Okay. So like the game where it's like made you look at it. Oh, yeah. So there's these SWAT dudes holding it down. Sure. Below their waist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Tim Pool was like, I haven't seen the picture, was it below their waist? Cause he's like, if that's the case, it's a game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rogan had never heard of the game. He's like, what game is this? Whoa. Whoa. People are playing that? I don't think they're playing that. It's like, yea they are. And then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, they were like, well 4chan came up with the fucking okay sign as being white, like it's not a real symbol. Like they just made it up to like fuck with people. It's like a funny thing. And he's like, and these guys, they're a SWAT team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they're not going to post a public picture of them being like, white power, baby. They're doing this like down low like you looked? Yea, they're doing that. They're holding it. I mean, I haven't even seen the picture. He thought they were being cryptic?


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[Assistant] I, or at least. Damn. Suspended, like those guys got in trouble for that.


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[Assistant] They were like, Temple was like being like, I think it's probably just that game. I really, he's like, I'm not out. Like when I see a picture like that, my first thought isn't like white supremacists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guaranteed. He's like, I'd probably look into it and be like, were they just playing that game? Like, is it fucking around? And Jamie's like, uh, I think they're actually doing it. Like, he just kept like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True. So like, that's gotta be in his fucking head. Yea it is. Where he's like, now I need to prove I'm not alright.


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[Assistant] Yeah? Like, I don't think when it comes to like, compromised or like, I don't think it's this clandestine like fucking- It could be though. I don't think it is. I think it's as simple as like, he's making a ton of money and he doesn't want to fuck that up. He's getting called alt-right, so he's clearly in the- even if he's not intentionally doing it, it's in his fucking head.


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[Assistant] Where he's like, I gotta prove I'm not. Let's bring on... So he's mean to her. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got a, we got a special guest caller, dude. You're on, you're on the cast right now, dude. What up, Mexton? You're on the fucking cast, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couldn't just chat with his old buddy? Couldn't chat with his old bud, dude. Not on the air. He can't, dude. I'm like his Alex Jones. He's rogues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's got to distance himself from the dog. This is war dude. This is all out.


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[Assistant] People are afraid to get attached to the cast. Yeah, it's pretty wild. You get that, you get a little fucking money, you get a little Comedy Central up in your shit. Last thing you need is a secret cast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, you know what's funny, I've been thinking about, like,


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[Assistant] Things are going well for me. I'm like, that red button to destroy the cast is just lingering in my head. I'm like, nah dude, I gotta stay in my ground on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think we're gonna need to ever do anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you wouldn't give a fuck, but I, I, I don't think I've, I mean I've definitely said horrific things on here, but never like, uh, I dunno, I'll stand by it, fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mekki just looked down, Mekki looked down and realized he was standing on a landmine. It was that moment where he was like, oh fuck dude, I'm on the cast right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was definitely calling to, cause he definitely just heard us making fun of him on the last episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's that fucked up? I think some of the older episodes we were- even then it was always just a fucking joke.


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[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not worried about it. I'm really not. I thought about it and I'm not worried about it.


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[Assistant] Yo, he records on my block. Does he really? In Queens, yea. Whaaat? Yea, there's a little, uh, studio on my block. Dude, I mean- Joe Buns. Whaaat? Chill, dude. You gotta get down there, dude. I know.


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[Assistant] Yeah, the, I think back to the paradigm thing, or the shift back, I do think we are on the right side of that. I mean, obviously, everybody thinks they're on the right side.


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[Assistant] It's funny cause I'll see a lot of New York comics are shifting back. I see it. And I'm like, ah, fuck, I want it to be, I want it to be more at the forefront.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people's material is based on calling everyone a pussy right now. Is it really? Yea. A lot of very popular comics in New York are like, this shit's gay right now. Like, stop.


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[Assistant] Which, honestly, when I see people do that on stage, I'm like pfft.


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[Assistant] Where were you? Where were you bro? Where were you a year ago? Where were you two years ago? Where were you when Trump daddy was getting elected? I was standing on stage saying you guys are gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I followed O'Connor. I followed O'Connor on his State of the Union address. O'Connor got up and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, that's when it went from all of us, all of us being friends and like fucking around a little, to the second Trump actually won, it became full on like, this is our side, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they- that is something that's always bothered me is, like, Indians speaking for all of Indians. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are Galileo. You are Copernicus. You're just out here experiencing life. Bringing truth to the masses, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, I think you see it, like, it's funny because in the city it's like, everybody's, I don't know, if you're a comedian you should, in my opinion, be talking shit. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that's your style, obviously there's people that aren't like that, but like if your style is talking and like conversational, you should be kind of talking shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially to a room, like if everybody thinks the same way, to go up on stage and reiterate what everyone thinks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I was, I told you I was watching that documentary last night and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's easy to look at it and be like, this is like Donald Trump. Like that's how they see it. It's also real easy to look at it and be like, it's kind of like the other side too right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean it was the exact same thing with, in this documentary, like it goes through the phases of like, if you didn't greet someone with a Nazi salute and heil Hitler, you, you risked jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then every single person is out throwing up the salute and being like, Kyle Hitler. You had to publicly be enthusiastic about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so then you're like, are all my friends stoked on Hitler?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the things was funny, it was like 1932 I think, or 33.


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[Assistant] And they were running, like, Hitler's campaign, and it was like, vote for Hitler! It's just such a funny fucking thing. Someone's like, yea, I don't know who I'm gonna vote. I guess I'll vote for, I don't know, Hitler?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just such a funny, like, I don't really know any of the fucking candidates. That was, that was the thing. Hitler. Yeah. Well, Hitler ran for office. He lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fucking lost. Yeaah. And he was still like, you know what, fuck it dude, I'm number one. He doubled, yeaah, he doubled down. Yeaah, and then they burned down the Reichstag. Yup. And was like, that was the communists, lock them up. Yup. I'll take control guys. We're under, we're under attack right now. He false flagged. I'll take control. Yeaah. He false flagged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say more penny, penny in check. For sure, dude. You're more of a penny. No, for sure. Your Kobe was too much ego.


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[Assistant] That's late. That's late for you. It's bedtime soon for you.


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[Assistant] Mental. Like, the caffeine shouldn't affect you like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you would at least go memory off this thing. You went full fucking porn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry about it, brain buddy. Stay the fuck out of it. Yeah, exactly.


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[Assistant] I don't, what's PornHTC? I don't, I only stick PornHub.


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[Assistant] That must be a fun treat. What? When you're pigging out on porn. I stopped the pig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know someone who was heroined out. Really? And they made the jump recently to crack.


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[Assistant] I mean yea, you're pretty much in the grips of a heroin addiction. And last night, how did you not tell me this? I'm disappointed dude. I forgot until you brought it up.


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[Assistant] No noise, no grunts. There had to be some grunts upon release.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I can see, the way I envision it is you fucking releasing, releasing a guttural howl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's tough. I thought you were saying like, people were there. No, no, no, no, no. And that's like, traumatic.


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[Assistant] Yeah, well you, you've, you've cranked them off in bed with them, right? Sure. Yeah, that's the old secret crank.


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[Assistant] I think I'm, I think I was open about it when I lived with my ex. Like I was like, I'm gonna go jerk off.


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[Assistant] Just be like, I'm gonna go sleep on the couch. Just go lay on the couch. Fire went off.


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[Assistant] I don't know, it's usually like, are we, can we have sex? Are we gonna fuck? Yeah. No. Okay. I'm gonna jerk off. I got it, I'm gonna go jerk off. Yeah. That'd be pretty open about it. I don't think that- See, I hold it for them. I'm like, I'm gonna save this for you.


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[Assistant] I think you enjoy the secret of, I think you enjoy the sneaking.


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[Assistant] Stuff into it that's not there. What? I mean, I do believe you. Porn is bad. I do believe you when you think you're addicted to porn. Sure. I do believe you because you tell me you're eating cereal watching porn for like. Yea, I should do that. Like that's crazy.


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[Assistant] I support you in whatever you do. I don't think dopamine fasting is a great idea. How are you gonna do it? I mean, you gotta do research to figure it out. I'm gonna research it. I gotta research it. But like what, you can't sit on something that feels good? You can't like lay down? I don't know, let's pull it up and find out. You can't, like, you gotta eat nothing but shit that you don't like? Pretty much. Yeah, but what if you like, you know, like kale?


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[Assistant] I had that. I wouldn't get physically sick, but. Really? Yea dude, I was just crushing nuggets, throwing out green beans.


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[Assistant] You better not see your dogs. You better not hang out with the canons.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying the fast, I'm not saying the fast is gonna be the hard part, but the everything, fasting your entire life, that's gonna be tough.


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[Assistant] That really jerked off constantly, yeaah. Yeaah, that's what that is.


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[Assistant] I'll dog sit. You go to the motel. True. Perfect. Cause those dogs are going to release dopamine if you hang out with them.


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[Assistant] Just a notepad. That's ridiculous, cause you're gonna, I don't mean, it's first off, I think it's impossible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause you're gonna, you're gonna feel great doing this. You're gonna be happy doing this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I could throw my phone in a river. I'd be fine. I'd be happy. I used to lose my phone constantly and then, like, I'd go like a week or two without a phone. It was the fucking best. It's fucking awesome. It was so nice.


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[Assistant] Alright. But again, it's, it's gonna be counteractive. Could you dub me fast? Fuck no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean I could if I needed to. You'd need to dude. No I don't. I got pretty low dopamine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry. It's great. Not gonna read. It's gonna be fantastic. No chance I read it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not compromised, dude. All these fucking liberal authors are compromised, dude. All your fucking liberal communist authors. All of them, dude. You're just being fed, dude. You're the Kohler. You're the Kohler and these guys are dumping loads into you. They are dumping loads. Dude, I'm on the bleeding edge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna know what the edge is? What? You're looking at it, dude. What? Just not caring one bit. Just turning down information. Just definitely be like, no. I don't care. Think you wanna know the difference between socialism and communism? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is not the edge. Fuck that. That is not the edge. That's the edge, dude. No way. Unplugging from all that. It's a sheep. Nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who knows? Who knows? Who do you think? I can say. The juice. Matt, don't do it. Matt did like the hook nose thing with his.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the edge, dude. You need to unplug from all this. All these wild ideas, they're meaningless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, dude. True meaning of life is crossing your enemies, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buttfuckin'. I'm touchin', I'm touchin' my enemies. You're a zero-sum game type of dude. I'm a fuckin', I welcome dopamine. I think that's the meaning of life, dude. Just, whatever's making me happy right now. Let's do it. Sure. That's my life, dude. Fair enough. I'm a satanist. I'm a pure, black conservative satanist. I'm a black conservative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They saw the army you were amassing. Take them, dude. You were a fucking British liberal. Strike them for the earth. You were a classic British liberal. You were a fucking alt-right black conservative. Sure. And now what are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't give you that, your thought is... It was funny, I was in the shower, and I was like, damn, Matt's smart as fuck. And then like a male hair, I was like, is he?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For real, I was just in there by myself, just like, damn, Matt's fucking smart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you, you just really enjoy this shit. I love it dude. You love these like philosophies. Love it dude. It's interesting. It is very interesting. Yea I do like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People will listen to this podcast and talk to me about you and your thoughts. And I can tell they're like two months behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up dude. Yeah. Yeah, it's really funny. I get that a lot with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People are like, damn dude, Matt's a black conservative, that's sick. I'm still a black conservative for sure. I'm still a black conservative. You disavowed Trump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You disavow at Trump daddy. I'm like a Thomas Sowell. Thomas Sowell doesn't love Trump. Alright, maybe that, but for the most part, black conservatives, MAGA hats. I mean, they're the ones you're seeing right now, yea, sure. They see it for what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, I mean, that is kind of the argument I was having with Haukani. I like to just talk shit to Haukani, cause he's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is like a democrat. He's a democrat, which is like, it's like, dude, shut the fuck up. So is he like a political party? Shut the fuck up. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you picked one of those two, and you're like, they're right, the other side's wrong. Like, most of the time. And you'd be like, no, that's not true, but like, ask him about anything, he'll support them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've always been curious about what that even fucking means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I guess what, what happens is trying to like, you better pay us and we're just going to be like, no, come get it. That's I think how wars start. That's what I mean. We're going to be able to be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've never been, I've never once so far in my life been influenced by the economy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I mean though, it's like in debt to who? Where the f- Who can fucking be like, I need the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also, again, it's like, okay, we could, we should, the US government should come out and be like, debt's clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And be like, okay, who wants to fucking say a word?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but do it again. Make me fucking hard, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 17 trillion divided by 7 billion people that live on earth. How much money would that be for everyone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't even imagine these numbers, but that's gotta be a lot of money for each person. It's just like, fuck it. If we, instead of paying China, are just like, here, here's for everybody. You guys all get this amount of money. Let me tell you. I just solved the world, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you're right, that is the equivalent of being like, nah, the debt's zero. Exactly. At that point it's like, how much do I owe you? I don't know, 18 trillion. Yea, it's like. Like when are you gonna pay it? Soon. Give us another trillion. What's your guys plan? Be like, mm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some fuckin' actor, have you seen Empire? The Chinese are like, no, what is a Empire? It's like some black gay dude faked a thing. That's what we're focused on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isis, we gotta take care of them too. Speaking of dude, Isis is chilled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is fucking, what are they doing, dude? Trump daddy fucking put the old kibosh on the party time down there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like a negative term in Arabic for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Dude, all that happened was Trump daddy took office and ISIS was like,


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[Assistant] Dude, we are not going to get fucking burned by this guy. Not even militarily. They're like, dude, just don't let him make fun of us. If he gives us a funny nickname, we're fucked. That's what, that's what happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a bit about ISIS, I bring it up and people, like it feels hacky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're probably doing some wild shit. We're just not here. They're probably blowing up other Arabs, so we don't, we don't care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gonna deny it. Yeah, but. And then. Do you see those boys? The Nigerians? They're jacked. I didn't see the Nigerian princes. They're fucking jacked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also, people would definitely take no to them, which actually might have helped them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you saw two white dudes walking in Chicago where they were at, I don't know. I don't know fucking anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said this is Obama country. They poured bleach on you. They poured chocolate milk on you. He said this is Obama country, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the last thing you want to lose. It's fucking bullshit. Bunch of your mids to some Nigerians. I mean, this is the lay of the land. True. But dude, yea. You were excited about fucking medieval culture. You lived medieval. Fuck yea dude. You lived in that fucking feudal world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think of also, if they were Nigerian, they probably had strong homophobic, fuckin', they probably, when he was like, I'll give you ten grand to do this, they were probably like, dude, make it five. You're doing us a favor. We get to beat the shit out of a gay dude right now? Yeah, we're in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not a fun way to go. Nah dude, sit tire around your neck because you like butt fucking dudes. Or anything, if you're a thief you get fucking. Yea, but also butt fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's good. Also, black conspiracy theorists are not afraid to be anti-Semitic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck, that's so funny to play off. Just playing off a girl's thing. It's like, yea, let's go on a date. How about this private jet? Guaranteed you're getting fucked. You are fucking on the private jet every single time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you have to do is be like, this is how I fly in the air. And a girl's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, but dude, the 10 year sweat look. Yeaah, again, it goes back to the age cut off. If you're a baby lady, if you're over 25, no one's flying you somewhere. Those pussy miles, those frequent flyer miles, stop dude, yeaah. Pussy's done. Yeaah, you hop on, you can't. It's time to learn a trade. Hop on a trade, dude. Go to a vo-tech, learn how to weld. Cause your pussy is done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you gotta march. Then you gotta be like, I'm fucking powerful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fire festival guy? Sure. He was a swindler. Yea. But, kinda corny swindler, I hated him. There's no moral to it, he wasn't teaching, this guy is teaching girls lessons. I wish this guy was intentionally teaching, swindling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just kind of, like, he, it didn't seem like he was really- He was just in over his head. I think he was just a moron. Yea, this guy's a, like, this guy has a team, dude. That, like, understood how to invest and, like, he understood basic scam, but I think he thought he was cool in doing a cool thing. That's weird. The Swindler, I think, is just sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All it takes is saving up, right now, you save up enough to rent the plane once.


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[Assistant] Salted dude. Yeah dude, I didn't fucking pay them. Fuck them dude.


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[Assistant] I don't have any credit cards. I just have no credit. And then college loans.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. My student loans are fucking me. They have not ice, Mike. I mean, there's nothing to ice. True.


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[Assistant] I'm not going to work in public service. I appreciate it. Yeah, that was a good fact. I didn't mean to step on it. I thought you were giving me advice. Yeah, there's been nothing to freeze and nothing I, you know, I don't think I'm making, I mean, I didn't do my taxes last year. That could be trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I do taxes this year. I, I didn't make any money. Sure. So it's like.


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[Assistant] They can't, if, I mean, if they look, if they took a guy, if they took the time to put a guy on me, it would be, it literally would be more money to hire him than the like fucking $1500 I might owe them.


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[Assistant] Church you get money? Yea, church you get money. What do you come out to? What music do you play during church? Just Van Halen.


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[Assistant] Anytime someone asks me something I'm like Van Halen.


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[Assistant] Dude, I think of, I think of you saying, like you know, we've got one of our great debates about black people saying white people appropriated rock and roll. Sure. Like created, you had a line where you were like, what do you think, four black dudes were going to come up with a stairway to heaven?


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[Assistant] Nah. True. I've literally thought about that ever since. For two years I've been rattling around like, yeah, white guys are the best. Matt said it.


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[Assistant] That was actually this fun, man. What a fucking quote. Hilarious.


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[Assistant] Dude, I, I will, I am an anarchist. For sure. Fuck government. I'm not paying taxes. Loving it. I fucking...


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[Assistant] Like I think Scientology struggled to get this done. And they had some of the money.


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[Assistant] I don't think it, I really don't think it would be hard for us to get a place, even in like Florida. Little golf coast action with the dogs.


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[Assistant] I would suggest we avoid an all-inclusive. Sure. Because, like you said, there could be a coup. There could be a late night uprising.


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[Assistant] Give me a late night uprising. We should burn this fucking hotel down. Uh, I think we need to go purely...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just a desolate beach. You want to stay in the country? Beach, yeah. I think we'd find a nice...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Quiet place. We need the wilderness for the dogs.


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[Assistant] Uh, Paseo supported them. The episode I listened to was, uh, back when those dudes in like Washington took over a state park. He was all about it. He was like, they're standing up to the government, dude. Anybody that stands up to the government, I side with. He was saying that.


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[Assistant] You might as well just have a shirt that says the N word. Can you fly with that? Domestic to no chance.


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[Assistant] It says Terrace on your shirt. Dude, I'm stoked on this beach trip. Fuck 2021, dude, this summer. The dogs would arrange it.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. That'd be awesome. There's definitely, we got listeners in Florida.


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[Assistant] We would be on a government list if there was a meeting like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There would be somebody in Langley would get a hold of this.


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[Assistant] They would, they'd be on the wire listening to this. They'd be like, they're thinking about meeting up.


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[Assistant] Do you know how many listeners we have that are probably already getting looked at?


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[Assistant] Oh my god. It'd be you, me, our girlfriends, and then two dudes, one from like Wisconsin, and some dude from Texas.


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[Assistant] So you want to take a Caribbean? You want to hit the fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Be tight. Yeaah. Be real tight. This is all non-profit by the way. Oh for sure. This isn't gonna be, this is just a fucking meetup with the bulls.


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[Assistant] His, his fucking alcapocco thing, he was charging like a hundred bucks for people to get in.


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[Assistant] What happened bro? He gave a fucking all day seminar.


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[Assistant] Uh, and then I got a text the next morning that was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to drive like three hours. He crashed into a boulder, dude.


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[Assistant] He's fine. He's fine. You total his whip? No, he said it was just service.


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[Assistant] I had a friend that did that and the neighborhood ratted him out. What? He crashed his car into like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The sign of his neighborhoods, like, sign. Yeaah. Then he ran to his house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. There's also going to be a legal seminar at the beach. Matt's going to be giving out legal advice.


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[Assistant] It will be a blast. I like that. I like that terminology. Not like it could be or it would be. It will be. It will be, dude. That would be sick. What are you going to call it? What's it called, dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We haven't come up with a name, a format, a location.


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[Assistant] But all these are common dude. Patreon listeners only dude.


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[Assistant] Boy, my girlfriend would be very, very upset. My girlfriend would be... Cause I think those would be the only two women there. Probably.


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[Assistant] Just a horde of dudes. True. You gotta let the nation run a train. If you love the squad, dude, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't have the Patreon, you have no idea how sick this beach trip's gonna be.


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[Assistant] They can never hear it. They'll not know. Someone will post it on the Reddit. Maybe. Let's get some ideas, dude.


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[Assistant] Let's get some, there's some bulls down in Florida asking us to go down and shoot guns with them.


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[Assistant] We got the dogs down there. Hell yea dude. I'm telling you, I think we're getting close to a militia.


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[Assistant] We're getting close to becoming a hate group. We're not a hate group dude, we're a fucking love group. That's what they say. We're a love group dude. Alright. How we hate group?


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[Assistant] It's definitely called King's Eyes. You're royal, dude. You are a leader.


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[Assistant] That's just me. He wrote like 30 books.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] E.T. playing for Notre Dame, and then he fought everyone until he died.


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[Assistant] That's what's up, bro. Yo, I'm starting my, uh, I'm tinkering with a new Patreon session, dude. It's just calling my boys, dude. I'm just seeing what's up with everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got this sick new setup where I can talk to people and they come through the phone, it's crystal clear.


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[Assistant] What up dude? Yo dude, we in, we in dude, what up? I'm testing out, I'm testing out this new gear dude, I'm just calling my dogs right now.


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[Assistant] Yea dude, crystal clear. Oh shit, here comes the bills. What the fuck? Yo, what are you doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spade, did you blood sacrifice? You blood sacrifice my mom's dog?


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[Assistant] Was he able to get out of his patriarchal mindset and get into like, the stuff of basically democratic cooperatives and like, just having-


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[Assistant] Oh god. Uhm, even that though, dude, is like...


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[Assistant] Yeah, man. But the thing is, who's gonna, who's gonna mind, who's gonna wanna man the bar night after night? It's like...


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[Assistant] So me and Spudman are, I mean the idea that Spud's coming up with that I'm piggybacking on is basically having a bar where there's just like, and Spud tell me if I'm wrong, but it's just the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are happening upstairs. People are recording podcasts and it can play down. There's bands that can play down. So just like a little weird little bar where people can go do like whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you tried to put two people together, put two plump comics together and just grease up like left and right butt cheek and just titty fuck their butts, dude? That's combination.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just have, you gotta, we gotta hit 2500 to keep this place open and be able to come here and just fuck around and do whatever we want. That would be an awesome thing to have. And dude, and dude, you're talking my fucking negotiation, I'm gonna solve that down to 20, I'm gonna solve that down to 2 G's a month, you know that. I don't pay, I don't pay ass in price.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's, well that's, I'm talking, that's just podcast, I hear you, that's just podcast and it's still, you know, like the medieval top down business model of like, you know, it's a zero, kinda zero sum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, dude. Jesus Christ, no. My whole idea is to have it where it's just, take out the zero-sum-ness of like the top-down hierarchy of traditional business models and be like, alright, here's a space we have to keep open. Can you work for it under, you know, we're all, we're all gonna, we're taking, we're taking the cut.


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[Assistant] If your girlfriend, if your girlfriend, if your girlfriend ever brings up like, raising minimum wage, you have to stab her immediately.


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[Assistant] Yeah dude, then he had to devote himself to the wall.


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[Assistant] True that. That's true, you gotta stab your fucking socialist girlfriend and go get snizz in the wild.


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[Assistant] I gotta get dude, I gotta get, I gotta read the myths dude. You guys, yo, that was fucking sick, thank you.


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[Assistant] Well, we'll figure it out. Well, definitely one of our goals is to both get headphones. Someday. I'm hooked on headphones. I'll pop one off, dude. You're fine. I'll pop one off. You can go full heads. Well, it's nice actually talking and I can hear you. Yeah, that's what headphones are for. Oh yeah, I can just sound check through my headphones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, to have a fucking bar that's just like, let's pay the rent through doing shows, and it's like, you know, it's not like- I'd love it. Just, I'm like, it's usually, every business that opens up has to like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, what's funny too is me. I'm just here, dude. I can just, I have my little sound. Now that I have this technology, I can just plug the fucking aux cord directly into the people, dude. It's a lot for people to handle. It's a, you know. I'm like Ben Franklin dabbling with early electricity.


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[Assistant] I do like how podcasting lets, there's so many people who are funny as fuck and it's like you can have them on and let them be like naturally funny rather than having some fucking dinkus just being like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, there is something to be said for being adapted for the, you know, the high-charge


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[Assistant] I'd pay for it in a fucking couple months. I think it would just be coming up with that fucking, and again, it's all, it's all, you know, it's a pipe dream. Cause my brother was the one who like was in place for like a liquor license and then like, you know.


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[Assistant] What Andrew was saying, like, his, uh, thrill, his seetanic, like, meanderings, it's like kind of, uh,


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[Assistant] Fuck, what was that place called on 38th Street? It used to be Brownies and then it became the...


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[Assistant] Blockly Tavern. That was a bar run by Evil Hippies and I'll tell you what, dude. What happens is you end up getting just splintered sunlight and all that Grateful Dead band. You end up getting like, booked with strictly Grateful Dead cover bands and people end up getting carted out and fucking like, ambulances from them. Taking like, research chemicals and being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, even hippie bars, it's just nothing but splintered sunlight coming through and it's just, it's like some Asian dude who like sounds like Jerry Garcia, that's the band.


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[Assistant] I just wanna, I was talking to Andrew about it. I just wanna fucking fort, dude. I'm at the point in my life where I need commercial space right now. I don't know what for. I need commercial space. Why don't we do it? That's what I'm saying, dude. What's the holdup?


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[Assistant] Just kicking the fucking tires on the, you know, on everything, making sure we have like, you know, all the finances and that stuff. So it's like.


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[Assistant] Exactly dude. Ready to blossom. I've been germinating in a tiny little plastic bag and a wet paper towel for like seven fucking years dude.


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[Assistant] Exactly. Bustin' loose dude. It's become a big ayahuasca vine dude. Chop me up dude. Add an MAOI inhibitor dude and you have what? I don't know. Ayahuasca. Hell yea. I don't know what you're saying. Uh. Yea, that's my business idea. I want to have the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of them, I'm sure. No, I was reading about, uh, I was reading this book about, I forget the guy's fucking name, but he, uh,


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[Assistant] God damn, I can't remember his name, but he was saying like they were doing like real accounts from Native Americans who were in battles with the, uh, with like when the white men came. And they were like, we would fight naked because we were swifter that way.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that was later. I guess they all had different rules, but yeah, fighting naked is fucking-


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[Assistant] Wearing a cup, I could fight naked with a cup on. And some compression shorts. That's it.


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[Assistant] How they, they're attacking just like, even the white dudes first had the, they were calling the guns, you load it from the front. They were like, dude, these guys, these guns are fucking bullshit. And they would just hit them with the arrows, come down, fuck them. They would let them shoot one and run down and beat them up. So then they did like the circle, they circled their wagons that night.


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[Assistant] He's like, and then they had the guns they loaded from the back, and they shot much fat, and dude, they were just like...


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[Assistant] These guys in their heads were like, we're the best, we're definitely gonna white these guys out, and it was like, something as simple as like the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's it called, bolt action rifle, which is like pop, pop, pop, and they're like, what the f- and they're all like, now, oh god, oh god, now, oh god, and they just were like, get in, they were like, fuck, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have high powered lasers. They do. They just, they leak out. They're, they're like 60 years ahead of us right now. Yeaah. And they're slowly like, alright, like 5G's about to drop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gonna be fucking- You hear how we're fighting in Hawaii or whatever it's called? No. It's like this big Chinese 5G company and we're like, we don't want them to set up our 5G infrastructure because then we could be like riddled with bugs and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have better 5G. I'm like, alright, test it out. I was like, what the fuck doesn't work?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently it's the shit, apparently, like the British just put it in now, but they're like, while the Chinese install it, they have to like slowly like double check everything to make sure there's no trapdoor. But these things, these things have to be constantly updated, so even if you, they'll throw in some updates on you that like, you know, if their hacker sneaks one little fucking worm in the system, dude.


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[Assistant] If you, if you wanted to actually stay on top of like Apple, Facebook, all those contracts, you'd have to devote your entire life to reading them and following the updates. It would be a full-time job. If you actually wanted to comprehend, you'd have to hire, you'd have to retain a lawyer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To like every day stay up to date with all the updates and debugs and switches. We're, we're, we have, we're literally, we have no choice. We're surfs in that regard. To like what we do, all we could do is, don't even get me started. All we could do is delete all of our social media and demand that we get a fair share of the money that they get from our information.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're, they're actively starting the, the billionaires here are starting to colonize space.


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[Assistant] We have like the Chris, like dude, it's Musk and uh, Bezos. Musk and Gezos, dude, are engaged. Bezos rules, dude. Musk stinks. Bezos, dude. Bezos has like the mega-scrill. But I'm saying, Musk is like, Musk is way ahead of him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has the best electric car, he's trying to do it. What about the tunnel?


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[Assistant] Dude, he has the best electric car. And he's literally about to do that. He's giving hard dates on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the wall, do you think, is just like a, like a construction grab?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trade abortion for walls, but alright, we'll keep wall- we'll keep abortion, but we need a fucking wall.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, that's not bad. I just don't think it's like...


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[Assistant] And they're gonna build a wall, and it's like, dude, you don't think those guys can get around a fucking wall? Like if you're pushing drugs through customs and all this shit, erecting a physical barrier is-


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[Assistant] I mean, dude, I just, that's not gonna do anything. I mean, I guess it would, I mean, if it's a wall, it's a wall, it's, you know, I can't-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the whole problem is they still can't man big sections, like, of that stretch. All you gotta do is fuckin'...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta set up camp, burn a little, hit a little settling torch, burn that. Or if it's like stone, you know, I guess that would be tough. We gotta get an ice dragon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some wallbusters, dude. Yeah. Dude, uh, Trump daddy's playing the ultimate tower defense, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude, I don't know. I think he will too, honestly. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in an exercise class last night, and the guy, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it was, uh, hit the ropes. Took ba- I took my bae to the fucking exercise class. Nice. She's a little nervous to go by herself. Nice. I was doing hit the ropes and, uh, the guy, dude, it's such a fucking cheesedick, dude. He's a nice guy. Yeah. But it's just like, you go in and just like, welcome to the jungles play and you're like...


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[Assistant] I really did get into the whole group dynamic of everyone doing jumping jacks at once. It was just so fun. It was like, this is so fucking awesome. And then the, uh, the fucking guys like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think of it this way, like, suck, and he's like, I know it's disgusting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Suck your stomach into your spine. I'm like, it's not disgusting, what the fuck are you talking about? But that guy's been like, brainwashed to that like, local news, corporate level, to where like, even to suggest someone imagining sucking their belly button into their spine, he had to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People like, this might be a little weird to think of. It's like, no, dude, just say it, dude. But yea, I was surrounded by that and I was like, dude, there is a fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, again, to me, I almost feel like they're brainwashed, but I'm more, I'm just like, I'm a fucking weirdo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was not. You never know. There was a couple fats, but there was some dude. There was some fish. You get an exercise class. You're fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoo, baby, I was, was like, it was funny, cause we, we had to have, you had like a partner, cause you had like, one was on the ropes, one was on the mat, and you went back and forth. And, uh, yeah, my babe was like, yeah, I'm like, she was like nervous, I guess she didn't want to be next to me this whole time, like, what are you doing, da da da da. So I went over and she sat me next to like a, in between like an old mature lady, pretty hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what was fun? We were listening, what the fuck was the song? It was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it was uh, Paradise City. So they started out with blasting Paradise City. I'm just doing jumping jacks with a bunch of chicks and I'm like, and I get the battle ropes, I'm fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was literally King Kong, dude, I had to do one where you like circle your, circle your arms up and I'm, dude, I'm fucking, you're all, there's a center point they're all tied to, so you're seeing whose, whose ropes are hitting the hardest, dude, I'm, I'm like moving the fucking sled, I was ripping them, it was so much fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm telling you, I'm on a real big comfort zone kick. I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone in every single dimension that I occupy. That's nice. Yea, you have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not a secret, it's not a shameful secret. Exactly. Going to Zumba is going to be so much fun. I'm going to get real into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be so fun, dude. I'm, I'm real into right now just melding with the collective. That's my big thing. Alright. What? Nothing. You thought what? I support this. You thought I didn't like the collective? I didn't for a long time. Now I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to dissolve into society, dude. I've been an outsider for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to like, basically there's a huge pot of black coffee and I'm trying to sweeten the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to sweeten the tea, dude. Trying to sweeten the tea. I'm working on a project that's basically, uh. Put it that way. Exactly. I'm working on a project right now that's kind of like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to start doing that, where I can start a, uh, like a little course, where it's like a peak, cause I was, I hit, again, I was in the winter of my years, I used to be able to like, I ate like a quarter ounce of mushrooms, when I was 19, I would champ mushrooms, champ anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I hit this weird anxiety period where like, even I'd smoke a weed and be like, bleh, and freak out. And I emerged from that, dude. I had to finally matrix out and be like, wait a second. And had to get in my head and get through it. And I was like, I think I could do it. So now I'm going to try to use my, my, uh, my prowess to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take just normies dude that like, you're at the fucking exercise class and you're like, this might sound weird. And it's like, a little bit of mushrooms dude. You'll be in there just moving around the paradise city and be like, yo, look at this dude, fucking suck your fat ass belly. Yeah, we're having fun. Exactly. I mean, I'm trying to get rid of all the, uh, the feudal residue that still clogs our brains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's yo, whatever. That's self-doubt. That's my life mission, exactly. Self-doubt, fuckin', you know, jealousy envy, all that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it never, it'll never, even if it's stuff goes well. I know. The core's right. Never satisfied. Never satisfied, dude. Hell yea. Meanwhile, dude, you just gotta hit a Zuma class and you're like, this is what it's, I'm in, I'm listening to Paradise City, just doing fucking Jamba Jax. I'm like, this is so nice, dude. This is beautiful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that'd be crazy, dude. Have a bar that just, it's just comedy shows run upstairs, people can record podcasts, you can have bands just play, you can do whatever the fuck you wanted in there, and the whole idea is just, you'd sell beer, and then you'd have to figure out a way to, it would be like, if you had like a little open mic, people came to drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in like West Philly close to like Baltimore Ave around there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's like, really, there's really nothing around it. It's down, it's not even on Baltimore, it's below Baltimore. We're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Grey's Av comes up and hits, it's like a, dude, the area's like pretty desolate. Alright. Like, you know, it's not like, uh, yea West Baltimore Av is like, are you familiar with the terrain there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like Antifa almost. Oh nice. Down there is like Antifa. They have like for real like rallies and shit down there. Yeaah. Get people fired up. There was a, Spud sent me a picture of like, there's two dudes dressed up to like support the socialist dream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They see the snake. They see the snake, dude. They fear that. They hate when they see this, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to start a place where people do podcasts, do whatever weird little shit they want to do in there. The bars open, the beers are flowing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have a little, have some, have some music in there every now and again, dude. And it's like, you know, it's not on some like, weird, crazy shit. It's like the rent's not that high. We pay the rent, pay the people a little bit who do the shit. No games, no bullshit. Get that libert-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he's doing, uh, he's doing, whatchamacallit, Spobus tell me about this. He's the Mexican, the Mexico trip. He's doing our, no, no, our neck or not. An archipelago already happened. He's doing an archipelago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Arcadelfia is coming up next, and Spud's like, fuck yea man, I'm gonna check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guess how much the tickets are? Like 300 fucking dollars. That's anarchy.


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[Assistant] It's 300 fucking dollars. He's like, oh my god. He's like, I would, we went and saw a guy at the, uh, I follow like a lot of like the Jungian guys who come give talks and shit. We saw this dude who was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's written like 18 books, he's like a distinguished scholar. It was 15 bucks. I saw, I thought, I listened to this guy talk for 3 hours, so I had enough of it.


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[Assistant] Yeah man, that's a, that's a tough fuck, that's a tough ticket. It's a tough sell.


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[Assistant] I will, I'm gonna call him. Tom has a little venture going on right now, he's busy with sick venture.


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[Assistant] Like medicinal CBD stuff. Oh nice. Yea, your lad's legal in Pennsylvania. He got his farming license and everything. If you farm apparently and make like, I think like 2500, your farm brings in over like 2500 bucks, they like crush your, cut your property tax like it has. Which is pretty tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, he's gonna grow, uh, medicinal hemp. Nice. Bunch of it. I told him, I'm like, just grow it outdoors and let the plants get big as fuck and then just cut them down and turn them into RSO. And he's like, well, we'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, dude. Dude, I didn't tell you what happened to me. I was like brain dead yesterday, dude. Yea, so was I. I, I, dude, so I, I tried to make a concoction recently. Uhm, can you talk real quick? I wanna see something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Had to. That's, that would be pretty tight. They did not. But I, I still to this, I swear to god man, I would have to be like, get me out of bed, even like, I woke up this morning like 15 minutes early to have sex. Like my girlfriend set her alarm, god bless her, 15 minutes early, to give me some fucking pussy and I still woke up and was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to make a concoction because they say I wanted to try to make a glycerin tincture.


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[Assistant] Cause a lot of people say that glycerin, it doesn't absorb THC as much as like say, you know, like grain alcohol, ethanol, and like fats absorb it too. But glycerin tinctures are nice because they're water soluble and you can put it in like a little drink and just shake it up and you have yourself like a, you just drop it in your drink in a bar and drink it. So I was like, I'm gonna try to make some of these, I'm gonna try to make this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was like, I don't like the fact that it's not that absorbent. They're like, they make weak tinctures. It's kind of not really that absorbent. And I was like, I don't like that. So I can, I put, I did like a grain alcohol quick wash where I just, you get it real cold and you shake it all up and it's like five minutes and that strips the plant. It turns like an amber goo. And then I strain that out into the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I'm gonna call it, into the glisserin. So I tried, I was like, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna, you know, basically defy the, uh, laws of fluid dynamics. And, you know, so I'm making this shit, I'm shaking it up. Then I was like, if I put this all together, then burn off a bunch of the alcohol in a crock pot.


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[Assistant] The little bit of alcohol that's left there will still hold the THC and it's going to the glycerin. So if you completely burn off the alcohol, the weed would turn into like basically what I said, Rick Simpson oil.


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[Assistant] Dude, I don't know what the fuck was still in here, if it was just like the, cause I think when you boil off ethanol, there's all these weird other gases that are supposed to escape, and I don't think they really got to escape that much. I took a sniff of this thing when it was done and in a jar, and it literally, I wasn't gonna


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, let me just smell it. I smelled this shit, and it like, chemical burnt my nose. Like I went, like that, and it just went.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they put that in some of the cleaners too. Uhm, whatever the stuff, I forget what it's called. That's like, it like knocks you off your feet. It was like that, I smelled it and it went...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like I had like a sinus, like a weird sinus infection. I just, dude, I dumped that shit out and threw it the fuck away and I was like, I am throwing the shit in the trash. I threw my crock pot out and everything.


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[Assistant] That's a, dude, smelling a hard chemical smell is fucking hard.


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[Assistant] The alternate reality where, I mean you would have rose up pretty hard in the military.


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[Assistant] You can still attack the deep state. You can still attack the deep state with your art, dude, like I do.


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[Assistant] Yea dude, you should be like, dismantle the patriarchy, dismantle the deep state. Fuck yea.


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[Assistant] Dude, Stern. Spud was telling me that too. Like, Stern came out talking all kinds of shit on podcasts, being like, there's a fucking flash in the pan, blah blah blah. Guess what, dude? His full contract's up soon.


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[Assistant] And I think he's gonna start a podcast. He better. He wrote a book, dude. Basically being like, I'm sorry, I was fucked up towards women. He's basically trying to avert like the monstrous me too that'll come to him if he does anything new. Howard Stern? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Somehow he avoided it. He wrote a book and was just like, I'm so sorry that, you know,


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[Assistant] That was the era of bumfights. Remember bumfights? Oh my god. Bumfights was like, that was like up there with girls going wild.


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[Assistant] The idea of finding two homeless people now and be like, I'll give you 20 bucks to beat the fuck out of each other is just like...


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[Assistant] That'd be horrible. Yeah. But back then it was just like, that was almost like a, dude the amount of...


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[Assistant] Cultural awareness in the last 20 years that's come to service is like, unbelievable.


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[Assistant] They just wanna do the fucked up stuff, but in a way that they feels like sanctified. But still, it's like, you know.


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[Assistant] They, they, that whole thing that like, walking around and being like a retarded faggot and everyone just kinda like, what? What's the problem with that? Like now you can't do that. I remember that, I remember explaining to my friends like, having some of my friends come up to Philly and be like, you can't, like they'd come up and be like, who's this faggot? And I'm like, you can't, you can't say that anymore. And they're like,


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[Assistant] What are you talking about? I'm like, you can't say faggot. And they're like, what do you mean I can't say faggot? Like it was just like...


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[Assistant] You would, they were just dumbfounded, flabbergasted by it. Why can't I? Like you just can't, it's like people don't like it, you can't say anything about it.


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[Assistant] And it's like, how come there hasn't been any sort of like...


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[Assistant] Sick words that have stuck for white people. We never got really nicknamed that hard.


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[Assistant] Colonizer, sorry, that colonizer get people fired up.


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[Assistant] That's true. Well, it's also, dude, I'm telling you, when I would go to like, uh, when I'd go visit Southside.


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[Assistant] What's all, dude, when they talk about, like, when they brought up, like, the race war to Farrakhan, Farrakhan was just like, what, what do you, why, that's suicidal. To like, just in the numbers alone, to be like, yea, we're gonna do a race war, he's like, no, that's retarded, that's not an option.


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[Assistant] You're talking about like the capture and sell, the capture of


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[Assistant] That wasn't a race war because there was cooperation on both sides.


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[Assistant] There's traders. That doesn't mean it's not a war. For sure. I mean, yeaah, yeaah. But no, that wasn't like a rise up two sides race. There was dudes chilling and they got ambushed and snuck up on it and abducted. That was an abduction.


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[Assistant] It's not, cause it's, when people talk about, like, when people talk about race war, it's like, this is what Farrakhan said, he's like, dude, the numbers is like, he's like, it's a crazy thing to even try to.


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[Assistant] Like, any sort of political meme in my head, I'm just kinda like, dude.


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[Assistant] This is propaganda, do not get fired up, like please chill with this shit.


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[Assistant] I hang out with white people, I hang out sometimes with primarily black people, and it's like...


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[Assistant] The only questions I get are like, is it weird for you to be in Chicago, south side of Chicago, where you're the only white person? I'm like, yes, it is weird. It's uncomfortable. It sucks. I love being a part, I love being a part of a majority. It is fucking sick. When you go down to your, when you're mining out for, plus I like walk around, I feel like a fucking stormtrooper. I'm like, walk around like, oh, there's that fucking guy, and I'm like, get him, oh my god. Oh shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's not as intense. And there are, there are like, it does the flip side. There are black people I feel like, oh, like, watch me walk into a black area and just kind of be like, pfft, what the fuck is this motherfucker doing here? Yeah. Same as if, like, a black dude walks into a place and there's white people being like, place is going to hell, god damn it. Yeah. So it's like...


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[Assistant] Racism 2.0 is like, no, this is just white people who brought all the ills of the world. It's like, dude, we've done this already. It doesn't work. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially, and then if you're gonna go into old people, yeaah, it's just stupid. It's like, to watch that be part of the national dialogue where it's just like, Jesus Christ dude.