[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You were expunging yourself of the darkness. That sounds terrible. Yeaah. You cleansed your community? I cleansed my whole squad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over and over, but I expunged everyone and myself. But the other thing is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was begging for mercy at one point. Holy shit. Mercy from what? Just these fucking waves. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I got all this shit out the next time, then I can go into like the golden gates. No, how much, how much mushrooms was this? No, this was for ACO. This is a research chemical. It was 40 milligrams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I can't look at porn ever again. Okay. I can't be mean to any of my family members or friends ever again. And I can't get angry with people in public. I have to see everyone as they are and accept them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not just porn, it was like, this whole thing about like, stop fucking with like, external sources, like, like stop like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maniacally checking the internet. Stop like, checking your email 30 fucking times. Stop like, basically like, stop doing all that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's like, it keeps you from like getting your jobs done and like. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I did that in grade school. I got like a hundred on the standardized test. So they skipped, the math lady was like, he needs to be in gifted math. So they skipped me through seventh grade math and put me right into eighth grade math. And I could not keep up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just good at the standardized test, so I should have failed, and she just constantly gave me B's because she was trying to cover her own ass for pulling me out of seventh grade. So like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like I had to relearn negative numbers. I had to relearn like multiplying fractions, all this shit because like this lady thought I was so gifted, but I was just, I'm really good at multiple choice tests.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just like, I'm able to look at the numbers and be like, I can figure out which one it probably is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, look at the multiple choice. I'm like, okay, you can scratch two right off the bat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kinda wanna do it. My kids are just hitting the age where we could probably do something like that. It's fun. It's fun with the kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you going to do for your kids, like when they're like 12 and 13, like you think they might be sniffing around and smoke some dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The biggest game I remember being at the arcade was Street Fighter 2. That was like, we would all go to the deli and like crowd around it and spend the entire day taking turns. That was our quarter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When they remember that came to Nintendo, that was like peak Nintendo before Super Nintendo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I remember that, like Aladdin or whatever, like, the, the, the Grand, the Grand Realm Mall had one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went and saw the Elvis movie with my wife. And like, it was an 18 movie Cineplex that used to be a full arcade. The whole thing's empty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they'll be like 19 posters for Elvis. Like they're only showing like maybe 5 movies in the whole theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're trying to sell you a movie pass so it's 20 bucks a month for unlimited theater movies. So not that good of a deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they're still really cool, but I'm talking like, I remember like picking up my girlfriends in high school and like they were like not having sex yet, but like it was on the table that they would blow you. So you would just like hang out and be like, when are we going to do that blow job thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a sweet thing to slip onto people in a guy to match. It'd be like, feel your toes. Now feel your fingers. Now you're sucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fuck, dude, I'm in Fat World, I don't wanna leave Fat World in a second. I'm leaving Fat World.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like this. It will, it still gets people pussies, so it is kind of, that's it, you're right about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, this isn't like, I'm not being like a nasty man, but I'm like, what do you, like when women get famous or like become like uber successful, it's like, I don't think anybody cares. Like I don't think anyone is like cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what, that's what I'm saying. Essentially it's like, like who are the, they don't really have groupies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, yeaah, I was thinking of like the one to one trade off of like, like a, you have like the rock star, like the archetypal male rock star. It's just like, women are drowning, but like, you're just like at that point, you're just like showing up like a CEO of a business, like, thank you for coming today, here's your job, and like, you get done, you just like go to bed, take a shower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is funny, like the pinnacle, the whole thing is just structured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had like, really fucked me up the other day, just being like, damn dude. I mean, maybe they do have, you know, I don't know. Is that like, you were just like, one of your groupies would just fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would make no sense. If you actually finish, if you can just slog through, the first two episodes are like an OSHA 30. They're very boring. Then if you get through it becomes one of the sicker shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you're becoming certified, dude. It's like, you have to get a certificate to watch Westworld. It's the most boring, confusing show, the first two episodes, and it becomes possibly the sickest show ever. But yeah, it's one of those, they were literally, what you guys are talking about is just people walking between worlds, and some people just didn't make it, and it was like, yo, we'll get you in here. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell? I don't know, but they were kind of the sacrificial cows to get, you know what I mean? Like there had have been- Wait, so they're living in the simulation forever? I think so, something like that, where like the server wouldn't- it was like some sort of server-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it was built for them to like escape, because they like realize their simulations and then they get out into the real world as like bots that like- Oh, the robots escape, right? Yeah, they made like physical robots, but it's a fake society, but the robots have like enough consciousness to like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Realizing like, wait, I did this before and then it's pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Westworld is the sickest shit, it's one of the sickest shows ever. But that's a good point, I mean, dude, it's like, the real question is where do incels go from here? We need to hold a council.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, dude. Don't even, don't you, I mean that's kind of insulting to me. That's the gathering of the incels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Oh yea dude, the, uh, fucking, no sorry, that just reminded me of it. It made me laugh. I was like, what if I did a symposium? And I was like, oh. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've been culturally sacrificed and it's like persona non grata.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah man, I don't know, I-I-I'm telling you, I dodged the whole bullet of that from just, I-oh, my head, it was always dry streak. There was no such thing as an incel, it was like, bro, you haven't got any pussy in a couple years, what a dry streak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's bullshit. You can't, you can't claim incel. Well, I guess you can. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Time to kick it into gear. I love, I fantasize all the time that I'd love to think that I'd be able to be like into like a three year incel campaign and just get like really into the solitude and just monk out, but it's like, if my life- I think that happened, yea sure. I hope that happens. I would get single and just spaz. I would just fucking spaz on Tinder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're told you're not, you know, you're like, you're not supposed to like go bother women in public to be like, I mean, although I think you still totally can, but there was that big push against like, don't come up and like cat, anything close to cat calling is like off limits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what it was. It was, it was probably more so aimed at like being like nice fucking ass or just being like fuck dude come here and just like following a lady for three blocks down the street. That's lurking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that was like, that was during that whole like, there was all that like racial strife and then they just kind of like rolled in catcalling at the time and everyone was kind of like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You guys are saying white guys are catcalling? We don't fucking catcall. For the most part. Yeaah. Racism is like, get out of here catcall and go hang with race.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you can, I, I'm just, I'm making this up, but I think it's kinda true. You can, like, if some dude tries to talk to you now, you can be like, yo, get the fuck away from me, this is like really fucked up, or you're doing, you're bothering us. We don't wanna have this conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's gotta be pretty scary as a dude, cause now you're like, you know, like, fuck man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There, I don't think they want people to like actually, like interact. I think they want to keep everything separate and be like, fuck those guys, fuck those guys. Cause there's no real manual for like, well, if people are like, now we're just gonna chill anyway. Yeah. A lot of that stuff breaks down where it's like, well yeah, what the fuck? What's the big deal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, some parents might be like, yea, don't let anyone touch your hair too. So it's like, you know, like it was back and forth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you were, the whole beginning, the whole beginning was kind of interesting to me because you were saying that I, I'm not in touch with my incel roots. And I'm telling you, I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? I mean, raise it to a, I mean I would simp, I would simp out to my girlfriends like, ridiculously, but it would like, it would not, I don't think like, oh like as a thing I'll never attain, no, I would always, it was always around the corner in my mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucking wild. What the fuck? I mean dude, to be fair, Demonious X is a pretty sick name. Yeah. It's pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus. Someone just dunked on our podcast with an advertisement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever get into, uhm, there's like the softer guys here, like the manuscript guys. Who's the guy, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's another guy called, he's almost like an exotic name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He battled Michaela Peterson. His name's, uh, fuck, Billy would know his name. I can't think. I'll try to find it on my phone. Is it a three name guy? Nah, so he has two names with her. I'll find it in like two seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me see. I got, I got a nice one. Rollo Tomasi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they do, they're, uh, the Manosphere is kind of funny. Billy shows me a lot of Manosphere shit, it's very, very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a sick fucking look, dude. He'll take like, male model pictures and put it on the cover. It's so funny, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There he is bro, there he is. What are you gonna do? Damn. Yeaah, he's a rational male.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really tight. Can I get a little vid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever make women, can you ever make women happy? There he is dude. The rational male. What the hell? Dude, can you ever make a woman happy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He killed it. He went on to uh, Michaela Peterson's podcast and he was like, she was really holding him to his feet to the flame because he kind of likened her to Casey Anthony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm just talking about a larger dynamic that all women play that, you know, did end up in that lady murdering her child. But, you can see what I was saying. She had a big, no I don't. Like, how I explained that to me. Dude. It was tough. It was a tough time for the bro. That was the only time I actually saw him. He was on the ropes. He was on the ropes. He flew too close to the sun though. He said, Women all want to kill their children!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Yeah, yeah. What's your dad saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine if you did kill your kids and then, uh, maligned your dad as being a molester unfairly. Might as well. Although...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although to be fair, it's like, why is she coming out? I guess so. Why did she? Well, she originally tried to. She really, originally that was part of it. If that's true, that's a sin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty sick you can legally do that to your kids though, I always forget about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Dude, I wish someone had got me stoned before grade school. I would have had a blast. I would have been interested in shit. I would have been like, fuck it, there's rules.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, gym class. I did think about a concept for like a bar or some kind of place that is just, it's just, you go up there and it's just gym class. There's like wall ball, dodge ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything, anything. Let's go. Yea, I remember floor hockey. Give me a penny. Yea, I remember floor hockey feeling pretty strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The physical reflex test is on, I mean I have been smoking on that cursed...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Miracle, Tangy Miracle Alien Cookies, dude. You should, you should destroy that stuff if you have it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know how unlikely, do you know statistically how unlikely it is that the universe exists as the, as they're talking about? Like there's a, they put a number on it. It's one in some like ten to the ten, like exponential number that if you had to break it down it's one in the amount of atoms in the universe, basically. Or like the known solar system or something. It's so high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in order for the universe to exist as it does according to physics now, it's like there's like the quantum, or not the quantum, the electromagnetic field has to like exert a certain force and they can measure the force of the electromagnetic field and if it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, if you want to put like 100 points, if you put like 10 points stronger or 10 points weaker, like a part of the universe would collapse. If gravity, like this, the force of gravity is an exact, there's like a number for it. Say it's like 2.64 or somethings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it were like 4.6 something, the whole universe would fall apart. If there was a, if gravity wasn't exactly what it was, stars, the particles that form stars wouldn't be able to form, they would just collapse. So there's like- Yeah, but they would just never form in the first place. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, for sure, but that's also, they're still saying like in order for it to support life, there's, the chances of that arising, it's like it's so, it's ridiculously small.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well they're saying if you have a number, if you have like, if there are physical forces that keep the universe intact of what it is, they're like a measurable phenomenon. If you were to alter them just a little bit on every level, there's like five or six different forces that all back up. Yea, you'd be turning up the disasters in Simpsons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also think they were like, if they go all the way back to the Big Bang, they're saying like, well, these, something exploded, and then these forces fell into a certain alignment that then gives rise to life, and that all happened by blind chance, or is it like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a, some sort of physical, what's urging physical matter towards manifesting itself in this way? And it's like, blind chance? No one knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So people are conscious, the cells in your body, they're not like, you can't say they have consciousness, but they do have some form of like, agency and like, they, they have like, things to do and they pop around and make like, decisions on like, a pretty small level. And what they, what the author of the book was saying was like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That like, living, breathing-ness has to go down to atoms and stuff too. And they're saying that every single cell in an atom has like a tiny shard of consciousness and they all just blend and they form like a... The Megazord. Yeah, basically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have an intuitive sense that they understand. These guys. When I got real into grounding, I got into making tree friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, having a tree friend does kind of rule. It's important. When you're grounding and you're like I'm grounding only by this tree and I imagine myself like keeping this tree company, it's a really nice feeling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I would sell. That would be, you know, I don't want to be a prescriptive dude, but I think incels should get into like, serious nature relationships. Bonsai trees. Not even just white, yea, or just like, serious nature relationships. Just become Native American. Arbor husbandry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just getting into like loving the forest and becoming basically Native Ameri- like physical survivalists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be pretty tight. I'm telling you man, it's a good feeling. If you can like, it's, and people, you know, it sounds ridiculous, but is, I remember being like, running the experiment, being like, the Native American.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even think about that, but the, uh, But yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it was pretty tight. I'd be grounding and I'd be like, this is my treatment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have blissed out. Yeah. Dude, I've been trying to make an effort to get blissed out before bedtime every night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just lay there and I just, I just sit there and just literally watch my mind until I can completely identify, at least to the best of my knowledge, the mind process itself and just be like, no more of that. And I just completely, I can shut it down for like two minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you sit there in bed and just watch yourself think and you're like, I'm not gonna let these dictate any of my actual actions or feelings. You realize, I realize, I have like ten thoughts a day. That just like, constantly launch me into the dumbest action available.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be like, I should eat something. And then I just like pig out and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've learned to be, I've learned to like look over my mental farm. That's the whole I think I'm saying. Usually you're one of the animals on the farm. I've learned to kind of, for a little bit in time, for stretches I can go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get that, I'll, I'll hear my, that's, if I'm having, if I'm like anxious and I'm laying in bed, then I'll start hearing all like my pulses and blood and stuff, and I'm always like, this sucks dude. I ain't in bed and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, Shark Tank, number one cure of tinnitus, stop tinnitus in five minutes. You guys are fucking... You guys didn't even look this up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the last time. So apparently they're saying CBD is the thing that can help with tinnitus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean dude, there- Did CBD write that? Yeah, that's what happened. CBD, definitely you have to watch, cause they like, it came out as this miracle thing and so many people put millions of dollars into it, and like the CBD flower flopped. That was something nobody gives a fuck about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The oil, I honestly like CBD oil and it does apparently, it does help with epilepsy I've heard. Like that's the one thing, like it's definitely helps with epilepsy. Apparently it helps people sleep better. Because they're saying THC actually disrupts your time in deep sleep. CBD actually enhances your time in deep sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this is so funny how you can do this. So they're saying, RIs, I guess that's the product, work by blocking, by blocking the inhibiting, that's a typo, by inhibiting the plasmalamel transport of mediated reuptake of a neurotransmitter from the synapse into the presynaptic nerve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And look, and what this means for people without a doctorate in chemistry, which first of all that would be biochemistry, a powerful help for tinnitus. The guy who writes these things sucks. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like chemists don't deal with, I guess, I guess, oh yea, because chemists deal with how to do the reuptake stuff. Oh my god, dude, this is crazy. So dude, can I take you through the Tynetis journey?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, please do. So day one, so they're saying they took, uh... They said five minutes in the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say 50 million adults, uh, in America struggle with tinnitus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, but I don't have like a constant tinnitus. If I had a constant ringing, dude, I'd be like, I need, I need shark tanks, CPT gummies, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they were saying day two, took two gummies, forgot all about the ringing. Well that doesn't- I don't know if that really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now, half an hour later, I started to strangely feel better. I can only describe it by saying that it was easier to think somehow. You just got high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all that happened. It was a hopeful feeling. Yea dude, you just got high. Oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some sort of like t-shirt jean combo or sweatsuit, like sweatsuit combo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're cops, they're gonna be like, well, why can't they do it? We wanna drive fast and fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's also, uh, a lot of cars like to take that circle, like a lot of like Fast and Furious cars like to take that circle and a lot of like biker boys like to like see how low to the ground. I've seen guys, uh, that's like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is a pretty cool place now. That place is just like the weirdest, like, congregation. It's like motorheads and monocycle guys, motorcycle knee pad guys, and like, Fast and Furious motorheads are like- There's a guy on a bicycle with LED lights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are dudes where if you can get like a level of blinking light, they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wouldn't it be awesome to have love like that? A woman that just would look at us and love us for only us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So here's the thing I've been denying for my entire life. So, uh, I used to, uh, I used to get out of the shower and then dry myself off with like somebody else's towel that was hanging up and then take my towel, my dry towel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True, I mean- I wasn't as dick as an older brother, I was a fun older brother, but I did- and well, that's also Anne's son, I would do that to everybody. Whoever had the driest towel, that's the towel I would dry. I would like test towels to see which towel I was gonna dry off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be fair, I hit her on the top of the foot, cause she tried to like jump away, like we were like on the bed, she like jumped onto the bed and jumped away, and I hit her on the top of the foot. On the toe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know why? Cause they also, there's an expectation of entire tonal change when a woman is crying. Like everything has to shift to the fact that they're crying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, one time when Ansley, like, got upset, so we were playing, uh, we were chasing each other in the snow and tackling each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, not caught in a crossfire. The object of everybody. You're being stoned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like how, how many degrees of separation between you and a person who played it was it told to you in a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the funny thing when people claim the rarity of their combination. It's like it can't be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 14%, so not that much higher than 3% as the one that makes up the most. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which one's most likely to be like samurai in nature? That's me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess you're gonna rise to prominence pretty high in Bad Guy Road if you have a good tee. Like you can't be the top, but you can be like second from the top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go on. The uh, the Kate Beckinsale vampire werewolves movies?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's one of my, one of my major gripes with the WNBA, is that they're wearing boy clothes. Yeaah. And they look like they're wearing boys clothes. Like they're too big for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like, more like a surfing suit, you know, like a, uh. Oh, like a wetsuit kind of thing? Yeah, it was not a wetsuit, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty powerful. What the fuck? Yeah. When is it? I don't know. Dude, I mean, that's how they played in the Olympics for as long as I can remember. This shit, this wearing them basketball shit, this is new. Shit, Sid, you are shocking on white ladies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, nah, I'm not. One of the things that I really enjoy watching my son do is like be social. I wasn't a social little kid. I didn't have a lot of social outlets. I was just at home getting good at shit. That's all I did all day long. So it's like seeing that my son like enjoys getting good at stuff, kind of, but also


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd much rather like, be on the tablet, socializing with his friends and shit playing Minecraft. It's pretty sick to me to see. I understand. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, I was obsessed. Sounds like he takes after Pierre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I'll let Pierre do his thing, man. I'm not gonna critique Pierre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, by the way, Tim, I think you'll appreciate this, uh, uh, Finn helped me design the spider legs for them. That was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pimpin'? Yeah. Pimp. So I gotta, I'll let you guys handle the business. Mr. Your Pimpin'.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In ten years there's gonna be a girl complaining about some guy got her all loose with comedy podcasts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had this, uh, one time I was hanging out on the street with a comedian that we all know. And he was with his girlfriend. And it was the three of us out there talking. It was over by Medusa. And some car went by or something. Something made a really loud sound. And she got scared. And she grabbed me. Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, it was like, cause at first, at first I was, uh, I felt a little bad for him, but then he started acting like a bitch on the internet, like almost immediately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and it's funny too because he was like one of these people that pride themselves in kind of being pussy-like in nature in some regards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, see, I fucked up. I thought he was asking biggest eyes in proportion to their body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, what animal has the biggest eyes in proportion to the body? Just by the way. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Did we get any feedback on the soda talk? I'm very curious about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when you have like a li- like, like, when you have like a limited wheelhouse of knowledge and like something gets like close to that, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Vice is edgy news for those like, those like white haired white guys that wear Columbia vests with long sleeve shirts underneath them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think? Yeah, that's their edgy, that's their edgy shit. They keep them plugged in, in a way, like in an underground way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Winter vests isn't, like, so it seems like a tactical choice. You know what I mean? But I feel like white people, the same way like, uh, like every, whether you wear them or not, or wore them for one day or just bought them, every black person had a pair of Timbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think, I think dude, if we set our hearts to it, I mean with the way that we're able to get shit done, we could have an anime within a year if we really wanted that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's like getting, it's in the, it's in the content mill. Yeaah. It's over. Sorry. Yeaah. Lord of the Rings was cool. I liked all of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sit as allergies. That's why we haven't been able to record in the park yet because he has to do a test run to see if his allergies bother him too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd put it up, you know what I would do? I would do a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A black market auction for high rollers only. And I would only invite the CEOs of the major pizza chains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The nuke is going to either Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's. Just to power a non-stop oven.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could take me weeks to convince myself to let me suck my dick. I might be time traveling for weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now if you were going back in time to get your dick sucked, that's not gay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well eventually one of them goes back on the day before you turn 18 and commits a crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a haka. The shit that you yell at each other in cars. It's not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't make eye contact. Even if that is a violation, which I'm not sure it is, you have to prove the at part. There's no law against you just screaming Jew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is for you, brother. That's a dude wearing black dicky pants right now. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you ask some of my friends, there's not a piss test in the world that you can't fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has anyone ever jet skied down the entire east coast of the United States from top to bottom? That'd be pretty cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think if the three of us jet skied all the way from Maine down to the gulf coast, that'd be pretty fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're just, all you gotta do is go like 200 feet out from the coast and just follow it all the way down. Oh yea. We can have a road team meet us and follow us and stuff, we can get like Red Bull gear, we can wear bicycle outfits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can be officially sponsors, or, fuck it, Red Bull is probably not interested, someone else might be though. Monster Energy, right? Monster Energy, or like a wheat, a cannabis company.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I tried to water ski when I was in Washington. Did you really? Yea, we were in this big pristine lake and it was just the most fun day ever. It was like, you want to try the, we have a mono ski. So it's almost like a snowboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I tried it, and- Dude, it's so fucking hard to do. And I think it's just a matter of learning how to balance your body, but like, I was struggling to hold on, and then I would get yanked up, and I'd be on top of the water for like a second, and then yanked forward, and I like partially dislocated my shoulder by how hard it yanked me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever catch a groove at all? For like maybe less than 5 seconds and it was the coolest I've ever felt. Like the feeling of gliding on the water was a singular experience.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. And then, uh, those people lost and the people that were like, oh, let's let them live. History is just repeating itself. And then some challengers came and it was like, maybe no one has to be...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just the Rick and Morty creator who just got me too so hard that they kicked him off of the show where he's the only voice actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is an opportunity to make the weirdest shit ever, and they're probably just going to try to like, make it as close to what it was as possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And some other nerd stuff. I think he might have been like a rude boyfriend or something. When Me Too was really hot and they were throwing everything in there, they went with mean boyfriends. That might have been him but he also might have been like a creep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, someone who like relied on him for income had to also field text messages like, Hey, how are you? What's up? Uh, you know, maybe just, you know, maybe sometime we could like hang out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's the Phil Spector of movies, who I think blew a lady's head off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True. One or the other. True. Cool stuff. Cool stuff always wins. Dude, we have like a cloud cover in the office right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have I talked recently about the trans community in video game speedrunning?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I watch those, uh, video game speed run, uh, marathons. They do a charity marathon for cancer like twice a year. And, uh, or like Doctors Without Borders or something. But like, year after year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scrawny men who now suddenly are wearing like eye makeup and dyeing their hair pink and like wearing like chokers and stuff. And I don't know if it's that they've always been there, but like are these people always heavily attracted to speedrunning and just now their brave voices are being showcased playing Super Mario 64?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or are these dudes dedicating their lives, like spending 16 hours a day playing a video game for like a Twitch stream?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And never socializing and never having any access to like sexual contact.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, our next speedrunner is very cute and playing a cute game and is just like a chubby dude with stubble but he's wearing a pink dress with like purple hair and they're like the commentators are forced to like flirt with them the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was actually a straight guy that was on the- and I'm sorry if I'm being too based. I'm just reporting on the stuff that I'm taking in. This is what people do in conversations. This is, you know- For sure, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she didn't even have to say it. In the middle of his speed run, he announced his retirement after he said, this is my final, you know, sonic adventure to speed run. After this, I'm going off to pursue my graduate, my master's degree so that I can provide a therapy to trans people. And it was like bonanza. People were like, yes!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing, he's going, he's going to learn about it. He, he's, like, he's been chronicling his, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, bachelor's degree journey, and now he's like, this is the end of speedrunning, it's time for me to go- I'm getting into the field of helping brave trans people, and everyone's just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And it used to be just like a guy going like, hey guys, I discovered a new trick in Super Mario 3, check this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's who can be the most trans. It's crazy. Why the speedrunning community? What happened? I'm telling you, there's a seahorse effect in large incel communities. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When a population becomes too densely male, a select portion of them will just swap. And now suddenly they're female. I think that's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, it'll be like a play on like, uh, a girl's name, like, instead of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's- that's more of like its own thing where people are just getting creative with it. That's- that's almost like Minecraft right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's like, and there's like a, uh, a streamer that's like setting up like, here's the specific challenge I want people to try, and then like just people flood him with like user videos and stuff like that. That's cool!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very cool. And others, there's other very cool speedrunning. I'm just saying, at least at the marathon level of, of the industry, it's, I mean, it's just so weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I talked about this a little bit on DadMeet, so I'm sorry if you're hearing some overlap here, but like, sending my daughter to art high school has been the greatest bl- I was worried that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was, like, I, I, I'm not an idiot. I see what's happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, yeah, dude, um, but thankfully it's been such a fucking freak show that I haven't had to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they had to have an assembly. Like, the gender neutral bathroom is for people who are gender, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Non-binary. This isn't for you to just go in because it's a private bathroom that you can shit in. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever one you want. Anyway, that's why, that's why, maybe that's why I have a passing interest in this stuff. I'm not, I'm not one of those blowhards, you know? I'm just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I think that they, that's what, that's what they're treating it like. They're treating the identity thing like baggy jeans. That's the new baggy jeans is just going identity crazy. And the thing that like you kind of have to take a step back and realize is like to them it's not a big deal. To them it's just like, you know, belly chains.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, but dude, it's so hard to impress upon a child that like, dude, your identity is actually different from fashion. Your identity is actually kind of important, and like, sharpening it into something that you're proud to show people is a lot more difficult than just being like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't escape the grid of classifications. I knew you were out of control and you just hit galaxy brain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's coming back. The eight and nine year old bad boys that like shouldn't be on the internet but are, they're all going super, like, tried calf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually, let's say, put them on a blindfold, no VR headset and see if we can get them hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freaker. She's trying to put you in a dress, dude. She's the Hollywood she is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? I think I might be deeper in the minigames than ever. Really? That's cool though, that's nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's the key to the last thing. Marrage. Yeah, no, it's, it's minigames. It's minigames. You have to escalate it to the point where you're both just uncomfortable every time you have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think you want, you just want to avoid getting to the point where like you're in your marriage and you're just dry humping in sweatpants and busting in them. Like you're just like, alright, goodnight, whatever. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you be Sam Raimi, uh, biological webbing or would you be, uh, the later on, uh, canister webbing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Pacific Rim, when they pilot, god damn it. When they pilot, the pilots of the mech in Pacific Rim, it's not one pilot, it's two pilots and they have to move in complete unison. Yeaah. Yeaah, it sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. That, that is, that is- Some would say that's coercion. That's physical coercion though. If you put a woman into a state where she is compelled to have sex, even by her own biology, you've taken advantage of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if you juice her up and she can't control herself anymore, that's the same thing as taking advantage of her when she's drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was two words of Norwegian and then he fell off the side into Chinese. It's easy. It's easy to slip into Chinese. Totally. As soon as you start leaving out like syllables and entire like words and articles, you're on a fast track.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I can stop eating frosted mini wheats at inappropriate times of the day. It's, dude, it's, sometimes I get, I feel so lucky, I'm like, yes, I'm hungry again, I can have a bowl of frosted mini wheats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so carved and sugared out, I think I could just eat a reasonable diet and maybe notice an improvement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely. I've already got, I've already got AM abs. Like until I have like lunch, I can show like maybe four, four distinct outlines. Yea. I think if I just maybe tighten it up a little bit, I could be more effective.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have an obsession with ginger ale and frosted mini wheats. Those are probably my two favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I think I'm just normal and stupid. I don't think I have a neurological issue, but can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so fun. What do you think about this? You know how I, I'm seeing, I keep seeing headlines for like, they're still trying to develop medicine for fat people. They're trying to cure fat. Oh, I saw that recently. Yeah. How, how soon until we have a nanomachine treatment where it goes in and just like does battle with your biome?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How soon until they have like bacteria sized nanobots that go in there you go, alright troops here we go and they just get your whole gut in order and they can just design like a digestive system for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, true. Yeaah, they flood your cortex with just like inhibitors and they send back different signals and your body just like demolishes fat. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's pretty tight. Oh, dude, you have to, you have to like, pay $10 extra a month to have your digestive system turned back on remotely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, there is, there's a lot of dudes out there who are like not trying to complicate the thought process at all. Yea. Yea. It's very fun to encounter them. I respect those guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's, uh, I, I'm more kind of just like baffled by the, when they do that. I'm always kind of like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's tight. I like that as well. Yeah, isn't that cool?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've, I've, I knew a guy, nice guy, full time office dude, and like, he would just be like, yeah, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, dude, stop. They just kind of talk and get me. If anything other than being like I'm an R or D and voting definitely works. It's like, don't mention that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's pretty fucked up, the world, it's funny, it's like a politics of absolutely nothing in an office. It's just like, who can walk in and look the busiest? I knew it, I, I was the least fucking offensive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never, like, I was, I never got to be a manager. And I would like, look, anyone who was a manager in any of the places I worked, I'd be like, bro, like, what the fu- are you an alien? Where'd you come from?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that was what it was like in the corporate world as well. Dude, I used to deliver beer to like restaurants, and you get like a manager of a restaurant, those dudes, some of those dudes are fucking wildly brutal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like on a, on a unbelievable powerful trip, like a power trip that like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like waiters and waitresses are like adult cool kids. They're surrounded by the cool kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a busboy and I had these like, I was a young boy in high school and these like hot older chicks would just mind fuck me all day. They would just be like, she's a fucking bitch, don't talk to her. And the other girl would come over and be like, what the fuck did she say? And I'd just be like, dude, I'm like 16, I'm trying to fold fucking napkins and get 80 bucks, like please, I don't want to be dragged. I always was like, I don't know, I don't know. I was pretty good at getting away from that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Chill with the Maxis, dude. We share values, we both share traditional values. Yeaah. We just bond in the kitchen. Do they party?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they party pretty hard. They love, they also, what it was too, they love, like you can say like the most off the wall shit to Mexican dudes and they'll humor you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little trade going on. The fuckin' tough reality check when you've had just humble Mexican waitresses and you import a fuckin' white chick from Contra Hockey and it's like, yeah, fa-ma-ma-ma. The fuck is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, dude, imagine though, you're also, you're seeing like, like you'd be seeing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should definitely completely rebel against your current education. You should feel like you're in quicksand. Cause I got it, and I'll tell you, it doesn't help very well. There's lots of areas of life it fucking ignores that are crucial.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're talking about like the, like the Malvern Academy, shit like that? Sure. There's a whole world, I learned about these in college, there's a world of heart, like what are called, like the Harvard feeder schools. So there are these like high schools that are, like school systems that are basically designed to be like, we're gonna get you into an Ivy League school. The Hill School. Yea, like shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I knew a guy who went to those, they have international versions of them too. I knew one dude who went to them, but he got expelled. So he hit someone's knees with a flash out baton. Yeaah, he was like, he had an enemy and he fucking... You can't be doing that shit to the one percent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he fucked, he fucked the dude up apparently. I forget where he was, maybe he was at somewhere else. But yeah, he got sent to military school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah, that's pretty cool too. This dude ruled. This dude rules. This guy was pretty fucking ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I don't know. This dude lived in Jamaica too. So this guy was Jamaican. He'd be like, I bust out my flash out baton. Woah. Yes dude, but he didn't have- What twist? He didn't have-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was just like, but he was such a, he was a motherfucker. He was, dude, dude, but he was such a high function, he was one of the most high functioning dudes I've ever met. So to answer your story, it's like, those, if you go to those schools, you come out as like a version of Bruce Wayne.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda the trade off. Like this dude was like, as put together as a- I've never met a dude like this in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the people I would work for, that was the truth, they technically weren't allowed to chill around them because they deployed black dudes for construction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it was very, uh, they get, they threw you in the mix. When I worked for my dad, it was very, he was very much like, I'm throwing you in the mix, you're laboring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that was the funny thing, cause I never, I never got like, a couple times dudes try to fuck with me and I would just demolish them. So it was just like, it was very easy to just be like, dude. Just being like, dude, you're a fucking loser. Like, just like laughing at dudes. Or I would just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, whatever. I-I-I had to use- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On construction sites, I'd be like, yeah, cool, dude. I would just be like, yeah, nice one. And just, like, just, it would just fall flat. Because I genuinely didn't give a fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad, my dad told me, my dad preferred black dudes working for him. He said white dudes would just get like too lazy after a while. He's like, black dudes will work. He's like, you know, he's like, you gotta go through it. Then he found fucking Mexican dudes and he went, what the fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It genuinely was unaffiliated with my family. It was a pool company I worked for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this dude and his brother were talking about, this guy was introducing Mexicans to his brother, like yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a sick thing to do. Dudes figure it out. Dudes go full hard. My dad did that when he was younger. He went hard worker. Dudes figure out hard worker and it pays off. It paid off very well for dudes back when you could actually do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm deeply ashamed at? What's that? I don't really know what an anvil is for. Like what the fuck's the point of that? We talk about it. Did you smack stuff against it? Come on man. Is that all it is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I am. I thought you, for the longest time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I had a job in the labor union. It was like, it was like the first paychecks I got that I was like, woah, fuck. I'm making 800 bucks a week after taxes? This is fucking nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whoa, man. Nice. Yeah. It's kinda nice. You worked at the smelting factory. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So is that a tough thing though? Cause you did the world of like smelting factories, then you tried the college experience. This was somewhat of my dilemma as well. I was like, I don't like either of these things and it seemed like my only two options.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's two very different worlds. Footlockers, like, kinda jacked, like, hey, can I help you chewing gum, kinda guy, and boss cops, more like a fat silk merchant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that'd be pretty cool man. Yeaah. Yeaah, we gotta get deep into mall culture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty baggy, although I was, I got into like bullheads, which weren't quite jinkos, but they were, bullheads were my baggiest pair of pants and I cherished them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He drank your jizz. Of course. What do you think? He's gonna rise triumphantly from that? Although he could have went full warrior culture. It was like, brother handshake, forearm like brother. Our bond has never been deeper. Now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that makes sense though that he would attack you first. You gotta give him that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, what was the point? When you were saying you had a finger these chicks, they jerked you off, then they hated you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the uhm, I'm following this, I'm following this. That is one of those things where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. That's not a bad move. I did that one time to a dude. What? A dude was talking very publicly talking shit on me on Facebook. And when I finally saw him I was like, you know, I'd fucking beat your fucking ass right. He was like, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30, what did I say? What year was that? 1970? 1970, dude. How fucking crazy is that? So that was 15 years before I was born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what would be even better is if you didn't check any of this stuff and just spoke completely out of your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. Are you guys on LinkedIn at all? Nah, I've been off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't use it much. I actually just checked into it cause the place that laid me off a year ago just got word that they're shutting down. But I was checking on all my friends. I liked people there and I wanted to see if they were all, you know, updating their status or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, yeah, the director that laid me off has he, him, and it's like, dude, you're a 40 year old dork with a phone on a belt clip. We know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting like a, is it Howie Long? Anyone getting like a Howie Long vibe? Ooh, would you wanna see?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what they did with uh, Bin Laden. They dumped him in the ocean off of the aircraft carrier. Yeah. Dump your dead co-pilot out of your plane, leave him in the sky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you drop my dead body 85 feet off the side of a nuclear, uh, aircraft carrier?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's pretty sick, dude, the ocean. No way. Oh, do you know, uh, do you know about when whales die?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They slowly sink to the bottom where they become like an ecosystem for the next like couple dozen years. They become coral reef? Yeah, it's kind of like, it's like a food coral reef. Yeah, and an entire like sea civilizations of animals form around a whale carcass. What? It's called a whale fall or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we had, we had enough. Yeah, but it's not two piranhas. It's a minimum of a hundred piranhas eating you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's thermodynamics, dude. Exactly. Your energy cannot be destroyed. It cannot be. I think about it every day and it's like nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this means like, everything- So you're saying once you pop, you can't stop? That's it? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know it always comes up in like deep sci-fi, and I go, oh cool, I guess the aliens are mad. Like the universe? All I know is that aliens are pissed in the future and it's entropy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so who said aliens are interdimensional? They're not coming from space, dude. They're coming from other dimensions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're not long hauling it, if you don't figure out how to freeze all your boys and then travel nine light years and then unfreeze them,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying that's the same, they're split at the same level, angels and demons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fair. I'm not saying they're the same, I'm saying they're getting on the same bus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well for sure, but you end up chasing that dragon to the point where you're like showing up at like an inner city rec center and like saying something ignorant to guys playing basketball and they knock you out and then you upload it to YouTube.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watch a, I watch a sleight of hand magician on YouTube that solves very complicated, uh, puzzle boxes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. His name is Chris Ramsey. What's a puzzle box? It's like a puzzle. Like a Rubik's Cube? He goes, okay guys, I got this $30,000 puzzle and look, it looks great. They had a lot of great wood details on this thing. The finish is beautiful. Let's get ahead. Let's go ahead and start solving it. And then it's just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes it's time lapse, sometimes it's fast forward, but he'll spend like 14 hours like, okay, I can turn this part, but then, oh, here we go. And I watched the entire thing and I've probably seen 40 of his videos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, then you solve it, sometimes there's like a theme, sometimes there's like, one of the recent ones I saw, there was like an old west like bank robbery theme, it's like, okay, if I twist the, there's a dial here, and if I turn it, and then I, oh, a drawer came out, there's a key, oh, I can open, and then like on the other side of the puzzle, there's like a weird like old timey jail cell. He does like escape dollhouses?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, this looks like the stepdad that committed the murders in Paradise Lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, this is him explaining where to find these puzzle boxes and he orders them from like these puzzle dealers and like these designer puzzle people and is that one of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, look at that. There's all kinds of little doodads and widgets and he just sits there and tries to figure out how to solve them. But he also does like card tricks and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, uh, I'm not saying this guy rules or doesn't rule, I'm just saying that I've consumed a lot of puzzle content from this magician.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, I mean that spider is going to seem like a threat to the hamster's life and he's going to have a genuine physo-physiological response. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, we got way higher than we've been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, there's nothing I love more than just being tucked into bed with a fever and getting up every 20 minutes for life threatening diarrhea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I finally conquered my hot cheeks, I replaced it with insomnia, so now I never sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freakin' heck. I know. You're gonna crash. I know. Well, I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm trying to make like incremental lifestyle changes, like I quit nighttime cereal. I'm five days sober from that, inshallah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, and now I'm just trying to like get off of sugar altogether because I feel like that might be my biggest problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look how red this thing's eyes are, I hate that. I wish those things would just fucking fly out of his head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like I was poisoning myself with Frosted Mini Wheats every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This hamster's going 9 million miles an hour, he's gotta be terrified!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Matt, you pointed it out like a month ago, like sugar will alter your behavior. Like when you get hooked on sugar, it'll start steering your dietary choices toward more sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that the, my last, my final boss of this is going to be cutting out my daily peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That's just too much sugar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you guys know draft sex is even weirder than we thought and it involves pee?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Giraffes don't go into heat, don't have a breeding season, and don't make mating calls. So how do giraffes know when it's the right time for love? Uhm, let's see, let's get to this. They just stay fucking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The girls? Yeaah. So the bull sniffs her genitalia. Nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And sometimes he has to nudge her a few times, but eventually the female giraffe widens her stance and urinates for about five seconds into the male giraffe's mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Animals be born? Oh yea, cause I hate how they look like they're dead until they get all the way out and then they kind of like, get up instantly and it's like, damn, that's not what I write- oop. Sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just trying to be frictional. This is like refueling a fighter jet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, he's beating it up. For your ass, this is fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's like, can you rub my back? He goes, there you go. Can I boss again?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I've heard, I've heard only- The implication there is that, psst, you can't make your girl squirt. Honestly, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no one who has had like healthy relationship is supposed to. Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm trying to think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's either start. I start pulling my ponytail through the back of a snapback hat or


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't do it. That's a dark cave. That's a dark cave. It's a fact. Don't do it. That's the siren- That's the modern siren song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if I call Planned Parenthood right now and ask if they could recommend a clinic where I could be chemically castrated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm actually, I'm actually gonna be embarrassed if they don't take me seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he reversible? He's clipped. Uh, I think they say it's reversible, but I didn't really look into it too far. Yeah, yeah. How does it feel? Where's your semen hole go? Did you look into that? Mmm, I think you reabsorbed back into your body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I honestly, I forget that I'm, that I'm, uh, that I've been surgically altered.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, so they wanted me to, uh, preserve some, um, not to spurn. Yeah, it's not a load. They wanted me to freeze some jizz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, actually I was supposed to do two things. I was supposed to freeze a sample and then I was supposed to be tested after the, uh, operation, um, just to make sure that it worked and that there was no more, um, contractors in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeaah. And I didn't do either of them. Asian Smiths? Yeaah. I didn't do either one of them because... You don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm pretty sure now. Yeah, true. Whoa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can't even call the, the place that they hooked me up with, I think it was, it was attached to some hospital somewhere, but it wasn't the hospital where I was having the vasectomy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to call a different hospital on my own and say, Hey, my urologist wants me to come here for some appointments. But the thing is you can't even get someone on the phone. Cause I thought I was going to get someone on the phone and be like, Hey, yeah, this is pretty weird, but I need to, I need to do some weird appointments with you guys. I thought that's what I was going to get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you actually get is no one answers the phone. You go direct to voicemail. It goes, hi, this is the, the, you know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nazareth Hospital, uh, sperm facility, yeaah. Please leave a message with your name, your phone number, and the reason for your call, and we'll have someone get back to you. And I, I called one time and was like, uh, hi, my name is Tim Butterly, my phone number is blah blah blah. I'm calling because I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do we airdrop some milfs on these guys? You have to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but that's the temptation is you go down there for the big booty bitches. You get forcibly castrated. You wake up in a fucking flop in a bathtub full of ice. Like the booty clap back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You awaken a lifelong passion in your body and then you immediately damn it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, shout out. Stinky ass Rasputin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it also lines up more with like what you imagine early human life to be. Like okay, they just did weird shit because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause that initial, there's a big hurdle to get over. The barrier for entry into podcasting to an audience is being called a faggot 10,000 times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the people aren't ready for it. You hear about it, you go, ah, that must suck, man. But that's just haters. And then suddenly you're in front of the firing squad, and it's just like, every, you feel every shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I'd say positive for sure. Yeaah, they are the crude adhesive holding your skull together in the emergency room. In the fabric of society right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for a long, until I was like 11, I only know what black dudes looked like from like 50 feet above them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was this an Adam Curtis documentary or something like that? I dunno, it seems like something that would be in there. I think in the 90s they did, like they built the news business off of, like, white people watching the news to like scare themselves of black people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I said earlier, I couldn't, I could not envision a future as a co-parent. I think that's like, I'd rather probably just be reduced to, uh, like energy blasted off of the planet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sidney said it just comes down to having a kid with a lady that you want to have a kid with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there's no ad co-parent. That's not even on the table, dude. Obviously. You're saying my, you're saying my wife leaves me for a black guy? Matt? What the hell?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why does Butterly look like Jeff Foxworthy trying to connect with his son through pogslammers in 1993?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean dude, just realize that like, Yankees are fucking whiny, pussy, tough guys who, I don't know man, can't stand you or anything about you and think everything that you like is boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think you're basically retarded or poisoned by a toxic waste dump.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think you're backwards hillbillies and that's fine. You think that they're, you know, soft pussies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He who withdraws hope, puts forth... fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While that rings true, I just don't know that those... Those thoughts have never pushed their way to the front of the crowd in my brain before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, please make sure you never end up with a picture. Ooh, okay. So, uh, Real Joe Rogan, ex Real Joe Rogan X said, tomorrow my girlfriend and I will celebrate being together for a year. One of our earliest dates was seeing all the stoner dads in Gardini at Bananas Comedy Club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My question is, how do you set the pace early to make sure you never end up with a bitch wife? We've never had a fight, she's a perfect woman, but I have a baby mama and have seen people change after a few years. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you're saying trust your own things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause he, oh, okay, okay, okay. But I don't think that he, I don't know, maybe he hasn't, uh, looked inside enough to see how that first one ended up. He's looking for some help, some guidance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, yo, talk to one of your closest boys and ask him why he thinks you got divorced from the first, from the baby mama or why you're not with her. Ask him for what he thinks happened and then you'll probably...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe identify a pattern. It's probably obvious to the people around him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he's saying precautionary, how can I avoid this lady turning into a bitch wife? But, he's got a baby mama who stinks. Well, no, I don't want to smirk her. Did he say that she stinks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you get into a disagreement, don't just go, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear, yell at her a little bit, cause that's probably one of the rea- and maybe that's not it, but that's one of the reactions that she's looking for.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wait till she gets dressed and she like just finishes putting the second earring in. Yea. Let something come up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last thing you want- Obviously don't do that in real life. The last thing you want is a woman going, oh, I didn't know we were psy-opping.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It probably took a long time for my wife to understand that I go into like C-3PO low power mode with video games or something or YouTube for a while. Just like, I'll be shutting down for a while now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm just impossible to communicate with outside of like a yes or I don't know, but I can find out if you need me to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It only happened to me one time. But Fritz was already in bed, but he was home and I had a weed bug out. I don't know that I've really suffered through anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, I mean your kids need a lot more. I know. Stuff done for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they agreed to separate for three months and then get back together? No, they're separated. It's been three months and they were just separated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, do you think they got like legally separated? That's gotta fuckin' stink, dude. Just get divorced. Fuck that. No, if you get a fuckin', yea, if you get legally, like- I'm not doing paperwork twice. I'm not going to the courthouse two times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cuz it sounds like they didn't talk about whether or not they were gonna get strange. He's gonna assume he can. She's gonna come back like, what the f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It'll either end the separation or you'll know if she wants to get divorced. Yeah. There you go. Exactly. Just say, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How and when did you find out the truth about Santa?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the Christmas that I got Street Fighter 2 for Super Nintendo, I heard my oldest, my oldest Wigger brother in the living room, like, bugging my mom to let him open it and play it before I got it in the morning. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if Fritz even knows that Santa does the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's kind of dying down, dude. Really? Like, we're like, Fritz, do you want to go see Santa? Do you want to go see Santa at the mall and fucking give him a Christmas list? And he's like, why? We're like, we're pretty sure kids like him. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, true. I'm pretty sure Benz at least once hit me with a, he's not real, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's also a chance that he'll, uh, idealize it and kind of like almost add in a lore to it and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of questions. Okay, so, okay, a ton of questions about the tomb. Yeah, it's coming back. Um, dude, there's a lot of video game questions addressed to me. That's what Twitch is for. I have unlimited time for video games talk on Twitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Imagine if you could have the feeling of shitting, but you get to have it in your penis though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also, but it also might be kinda like, I think Matt, you might have described people like this before, like every time you talk to them, they're telling you another story about a different person going, you know who's being a fucking asshole? Yo dude, every single time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyone but Muslims. Those guys are all straight as hell. True. Well dudes, Merry Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think these guys got it. That man was a shapeshifter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think he's looking for a lost love? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a moment with myself the other day, I was walking into the uh, the giant, and as I was walking up by the car, there was a dude standing there in front of me, wearing like brown cargo khaki, like brown cargo pants, like big, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like sweater up top, like nice sweater. This is like a Dilbert office guy, right? He's wearing these cargoes. And they were so far up his ass that you could see his cheeks. And he was just holding them there, looking at his phone. And I'm looking at this as I'm walking towards him, I'm like, I am such a fucking pussy. There is no way he would know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could just take my phone, snap this picture, keep it moving, have the greatest Instagram post you've ever seen, but I'm too much of a cook, I couldn't do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe. He morphed into the lady? No, no, no. What if she was like- Oh no. You helped and ain't like- Them following him around was keeping him honest. He's probably been fucking the tree in front of her house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it was important to know that she was a black lady. That takes away, there's too many personality options. She was Latinx, she was a vague POC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, whatever was in the cycle, they were going to pop off about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you would have got to go straight to your cool ass gaming chair and do a little, get your whole setup out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. Dude, Max, you know I love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, man. All stuff to degrade a human. So, listen, this conspiracy that I uncovered the other day. My son said something, he was like, you know, uh, something about having pride in it. And I'm like, you know what, I think we're gonna try to stop saying that because pride is actually a sin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So let's, let's find different ways to say that we are putting our all into something or that we feel lucky to be a part of something, you know? And uhm, let's make that the thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doesn't believe it, right? So I'm like, alright, let's look up the definition of pride. I also tell him that pride is a sin, and it's also a word that's used to trick minorities into adopting


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A high or an ordinent opinion of one's own dignity, importance, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind as displayed in barren conduct, right? We can say that's not good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, that's not good. Two, the state of being proud. That's nothing. Three,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A. Becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character, right? Not correct.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? Right? Fourth definition. Pleasure or satisfaction taken as something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself. Right? Still not the greatest attribute. Right? Fifth definition. And last definition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Celebration of a specific minority group and affirmation of equal rights for members of that community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Four definitions for pride is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was this woman like a couple years ago, and I distinctly remember this because it stuck into my mind. This woman a couple years ago was trying to push, uh, she was a Jewish lady trying to push for the Jewish people to have like a pride situation in the Jewish community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to, I, I, I mean. Although having a black wife with you might also get you in more adventures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably the hottest shit to get if you're like online dating and you're swiping and matching. A miserable teacher? Teach any teacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were getting scammed, but yeah, what was the setup to that non-profit? Yeah, what'd you volunteer for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many times do you get called gay for trying to tell a black person they shouldn't hit their dog?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what you drawin' on in there now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a buddy, a comedian, his name was Dan, he lived in Atlanta. He would tell this story about it, but he said it was really true. It was the first time he did, like, LS, he never did anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he did acid, and he was like trippin' his fuckin' face off. And his older brother knew he was trippin', knew he never did anything, and he just ran up to him and he was like, SPIDERS! And just ran away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I knew a chick that fucking had a panic attack from taking a hit of weed and like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had an ambulance call to her fucking door. Yeah, it was sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, if like, but if a kid was like, I wanna bake brownies, he was like, alright, let's do that. You know, it's like, if a kid today was like, I wanna learn how to clean windows, that's all happening on the street the other day, but alright, you're gonna be cleaning windows today, let's do that. It's just like whatever the kid wants to do for the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole point of these types of schools are to nourish a passion for learning. Yeah. And to let you kind of like, uh, facilitate- Hold on, stop, it sounds-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are their jobs? Are they like the Catholic Mr. Smiths from The Matrix? Sort of, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were just walking around. What were you doing there? I was walking through, I was walking home from my girlfriends and I said, I'll check this out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you, would you even pretend to have vital information, or would you just be like, what's up, it's Matt again, checking in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much would it cost to just like clip it, just do it, just do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only way you can waste your time, shit, I can't even imagine. I don't know, maybe doing something that you just feel obligated to that doesn't benefit you and honestly just brings you down. That's a waste of time. But if it gave you a tickle to know that you paid


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dollar to have your video forcibly played for some lonely guy, and it's just like you going like, what's up dude? Before you get to your next video, I just wanted to pop in here real quick, say what's up. Uh, nothing really beyond that. Uh, you know, I guess enjoy this, uh, fucking breakdown of an episode of a cartoon you're watching. See you later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mary Jo was telling me a story about how she daydreamed through Algebra 2 and failed. I was like, ah, what were you daydreaming about? And she's like, I don't remember. And obviously I kind of wanted to press the issue. I was like, I'm kind of curious what a woman would daydream about for eight months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's kinda, it's kinda like, you can completely check out of it, it seems like it could go on forever, I understand it's extremely expensive, but like, people are still like, just kinda talking about it distantly, and it's like, alright man, I feel like things are kinda quiet in my neck of the woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's got, it's got just enough of a distraction, and then maybe if anyone commits any war crimes, especially if we're financially invested, maybe we'll get a little bit more UFO footage to distract us, and I like when that happens. Yeaah, that's kinda nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well China's waiting, I think, to crush Taiwan. But I think they're like next in line. They're waiting to like, oh man, they're still in overtime, huh? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not just following, you know, the state code. You're also following a smaller subset of rules and you're getting like grounded in shit until you reach old age. I think that would smooth out a lot of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You really spooked me on sugar. You made me feel like I had a brain parasite about sugar. I thought I'm an extremely active male and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't really eat too poorly, but then I thought, well, I shouldn't eat sugar every day. I thought like I could have a little bit, like it's somewhere in the food pyramid, I'm sure. Sugar's in everything. That's true, and that's my next hurdle to get over, but for now, I've just, I've just nailed some of like the very obvious stuff, like eating, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch by the double barrel every night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so you totally spooked me. I'm, I'm, uh, working hard on making changes to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I went into a panic state for a couple weeks. On the sugar? Yeah, cause I was like, I worked really hard, I like to get a little bit high at night, and then in that state, I go, this would be the perfect time for a bowl of cereal and then instantly falling asleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was right every time, it was. It does work, yeaah. But wow, I felt like I was on a conveyor belt, being just about to drop into a molten vat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was tough. So you shook me to my core and I made it, I started making the change and I'm gonna, you know, with God's help, I'll overcome this terrible love flicker. The good guys are winning. The good guys are winning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I try my best, but I'm pretty- Oh, I was wondering, your brain seizures? What if it's cause you're off the knock? It did start around the same time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually, I enter kinda like a BDSM state now when I get a, uh, stuffy nose. Really? I just lay in bed and I feel my pulse in my sinuses and I go, dude, when I'm not stuffy anymore, I'm gonna appreciate every single second of it. You stay stuffed?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I can, I got a little bit of the stuff going on right now, but I'm mostly breathing clearly and I can just sit and just be thankful for that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. So this was right after college? Yeah. Or were you delayed a year because you got kicked out so you're still in?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you standing 69'd and she held you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Definitely now. What? Yea, at first, at first it feels like 10 seconds is way too, it feels like your head's gonna explode. Are you sleeping like a bat? No, I just, my back hurts so bad because I'm such an uncoordinated klutz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eventually, I don't know, shit I guess just like redistributes itself and you just hang out there until you get bored.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, kind of, but like mine is like a table that you strap your feet in and then you roll it backwards until you're upside down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we gotta go back to that. I think everything's too, too gritty now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'd be like, dude, this has nothing to do with me. I, you know, I don't care how this goes one way or the other. I'm actually here representing the state. I kinda have to G-check you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, dude. I love videos of all heads knocking each other out, man. There's so many. Oh, dude, it's the best. Their chin is fried from living in the hood their entire lives. They're usually both wasted. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at least it hasn't completely warped your mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people make fun of horse girls, dude, but dude, could you imagine?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm talking about like your GP and they're like wade you and like fucking looked at your dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you do drugs? And you're like, no. And they're like, okay, that's good. Uhm, yeah, your weight, your weight, your, uh, your BMI is up a little, but it's, you know, a lot of times it's, it doesn't, it's not a big deal. And I'm like, okay, thanks man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna go back again, I wanna get like a high tech doctor dude, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take my blood and run through every single nutrient. What the fuck are we doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm talking about like, I was going to like Penn. That was like my doctorate. I'd go to like Penn University. This GP. Brittany found it and was like, you gotta go. Oh, that's like prestigious though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but dude, it's like, Hahnemann is the same thing. You go to a doctor. When I had Medicaid, I'd go to Hahnemann. Same setup. It was just a doctor within Drexel University. So it's like, no, that's just the way it goes. I think, I honestly think if you have like a small practice doctor.


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[Assistant] Do you think people actually use those? I think so. I think they get linked into the networks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to a Wolf Street dentistry, I told you about it when we were in uh, whatchamacallit, Connecticut. I went to, when I had Medicaid or whatever one, I like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Neuro, School of Neurology. Yeah, dude, what happens if we just like, yeah, just like give them a tattoo apprentices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But either way, I didn't come here to talk about doctors, I was just wondering. I was just making sure you guys got checked up because it was important. No, I should. That you go there and get weighed by some guy and then have him go, yes, uh, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. Legend has it my grandfather avoided the test altogether and just died from colon cancer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Held it down, tough. But again, I'd have to confirm, that's what I've heard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy fucking god. What other, what other, oh yea dude, can we please watch the Fauci? Oh yea, yea yea yea. Let's go to the hood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well dude, I was talking to you about this yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, dude, they're doing it right here. And the whole thing creates this whole, like, artificial bubble and people then emulate the fake to get ahead.


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[Assistant] Maybe time, I'll be wrong. I could be wrong, dude, you know. We're all grains of sand, they're gonna wash away with time, but it's like, why, why is he a great man? Like, it should be immediately apparent to me why he's a great man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not, and that's the thing, it's like, it's just a fucking bubble, it's like, and maybe, again, maybe, I don't know.


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[Assistant] Being in charge of everything while AIDS is going on, but I think there's like pretty clear stuff about like...


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[Assistant] That would be a sick final Batman. Batman was evil a whole time and in on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what if the final scene was him walking into a dungeon full of children and then he just slams the iron gates and it's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, no, he's still good. Damn, Batman molested Spider-Man.


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[Assistant] Iron Man would be Epstein. That'd be his island. Yeeeah, I guess so.


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[Assistant] Maybe not, I don't know. I'm just saying he's like high tech. Was Epstein high tech? I'm saying he's pretty high tech.


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[Assistant] He had at least one sliding metal door. You know, let's, let's, you know. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In theory, Dr. Strange could open up a portal for Batman to jump through. And then, no, Dr. Strange with Spider-Man. So Dr. Strange would have to open up a portal for Spider-Man to fall through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, I didn't mean to spoil your interview, it's just yeaah, I don't know. I don't know, that's the thing, at the end of the day we don't, we truly don't know, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why were him and Trump like deadlocked against each other? Cause they both were like, pro-vax. So what was their beef?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think, I think Trump was waiting. He wanted COVID to like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not be that bad until he got re-elected. So I think he was trying to be like, Fauci, chill. It's not that bad. And then once he got elected, he could be like, alright, let's roll it out, let's do all this stuff. But I think he thought like, and Fauci was like, creating the doomsday picture, because that way they could use that to kind of oust him. That's how what I, that was what my, um, my political kind of stuff was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Dude, the monk debates are pretty sick. I watch them all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, so interesting, man. Yea, like when you're tethered to the institution, until the institution lasts, and then that, you know, that drags into the question, what is tenure even, honestly, if the institutions could potentially crumble?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An Asian professor, not that it matters, but an Asian professor. Yeah, is that kinda like when you like don't tell, you can't tell how old other races are? I guess like if you're a different race professor you can't tell like whether or not people are other professors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I took my time and got some nice shots and what I hope are nice shots and he's like, oh you take your time, very good time. I'm quoting him directly, he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's no reason we can't do this, and it feels good. Yeah, what were you guys wearing? What was the drip? Uh, pretty much this. But I was wearing like a hoodie and jeans, you know, just walking around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You've been fully encased in it. It's completely blended reality and it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Send us sick videos, man. We're not being lazy, obviously we can talk whenever we want, but it's like, it would be nice to have the sickest video of the month. All come together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he was in LA Fitness by the way?