[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's like, save the women and children, you old fuckers are going to die in the hallway. And that's not, that's not an exaggeration. So like they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, do they put them in tuxedos at least? Yea, exactly, play the violin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, man. And exactly, like they, you know, sort of the most heroic people right now are the, you know, the frontline workers and these older folks that are


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That are taking, uh, taking the hit and, uh, sort of making selfless decisions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, I mean flu, seasonal flu, so influenza A and B tend to kill about like, you know, on the order of 40 to $70,000, $70,000, 70,000 people, uh, in a given year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yes, we're, you know, recording maybe, you know, 5,000 and that's likely under-reported right now. But this is early days, brother.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This shit's, this shit's not even hit the fan yet. Like this, you know, there's, there's optimism that a warm


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the warmer weather and that's why, you know, the flu season is often times, uh, uh, in, or is flu season is in the colder months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, for example, SARS, like MERS, which is a SARS virus, a related virus, and that's the Middle Eastern, uh, respiratory virus, uhm, is year-round in the fucking deserts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this shit is literally like camels coughing on people, uh, spreading it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, so I, I don't, uh, uh, pretend to be, uh, an expert as relates to that, but I, uh, it's been debunked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's, yeah, it's not, it's, it's not a thing. So I mean, there's, uh, there's two, um, uh, level four.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Virology labs that they were worried about. One is in, uh, Winnipeg and one is actually in Wuhan, which is sort of the suspicious feature. And they were especially, uh, uh, paranoid about a protein sequence that is, uh, very closely analogous to something found in HIV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but they've done, you know, they, you know, to some extent, you have to trust the science there. So from everything that I've read, there's, there's no evidence that this is manmade and probably as it's almost like a, like, it's almost sort of, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The humans do not have the ability or the capabilities to craft such an exquisite fucking killing machine. Like this thing is so evil, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's the thing, you know, I'm sure like, I'm sure I'm gonna put my foot in my mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, at, at, at some point, but uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, like yeaah, it's important to listen to these experts and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but there was some things like right off the top that are discrepant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From what we're being taught and what we're being, uh, counseled around. And that is, uh, importantly, like the airborne nature of the virus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy was going like, uh, Osterholm was going on about, you know, N95s, which are like respirator masks that are,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Designed to protect against airborne viruses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, the, the data, you know, and all the guidelines suggest that droplet, uh, precautions are sufficient. And in fact, uh, you know, there's no evidence that this is airborne, unlike, you know, for example, measles or, or other more, uh, gerulant, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a bit funky, to be honest. Like a, you know, obviously it doesn't discredit him. He has a crazy resume and has done a whole lot of shit. That being said, I don't know that he's, he's not an MD. Like not that I give a shit, but, uh. What is he then?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's just interesting. And you know what it is? It's unsettling. Because it's like, what the fuck? Like, why is this world expert?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is basic shit, like, you know, Virology 101 is a discussion of droplet spread, airborne spread, because that dictates the type of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, doesn't have, uh, uh, uh, a view that's in line with, with like a local authority, for example, is disconcerting. And, and that's what I think is jarring, and again, it's not meant to be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not meant to be alarmist or anything like this, but no one knows what the fuck's going on, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you got it. So that's exactly right. So the, the coronaviruses are, are these fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As far as, uh, as far as my, uh, microbes go are these, are these massive viruses. And just by virtue of their size, they, uh, you know, they quote, uh, like six meters, um, of spread via droplets. And there's not a whole lot of evidence for, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So called fomite spread, which is like the virus surviving for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a, on a surface or anything like that. But yeah, like, you know, as, as far as, as far as I'm aware, there's, there's no concerns around, uh, airborne spread. So that was like, oh, this is some basic shit that is inconsistent with, with, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Certainly, absolutely inconsistent with local guidelines, local teaching. Uhm, and it throws you off. So you start like questioning any sort of expert guidelines. And as a person in the public, especially when you see all of these, you know, conflicting,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Potentially. Yeah, like, well hopefully not, but like, they're, they're quoting kind of 6 to 12 months that we're gonna be dealing with this. And I mean, the, the thing, it like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Public panic is obviously contributing, but Matt, look at your fucking portfolio. Look at it, not that I'm kind of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ripping you a little bit. Look at your investments there. Like you're, you know, like everything is, you know, uh, markets drops, you know, on the order of like seven, 10%. So it's, people are, this is, this is, this is next level. Shit's hit the fan, especially with China being affected, which is the, you know, the supply chain for, you know, like my Amazon orders are fucking delayed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you know, to get back to the, uh, the, the means of spread though, like that's probably what's the most important discussion right now is, uh, uh, you know, social distancing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's why I'm gonna stay in my basement. So the idea is if you give yourself a 2 meter, uh, perimeter, you should be alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I buy it. I don't know where that's coming. Like obviously, you know, this guy is a, uh, an authority.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, I haven't heard a whole lot about that in particular.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, I mean, uh, they're starting to shut schools down. I don't know what's going on, uh, in Pennsylvania, but, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard that. Oh, so you're, so you're, you're not going into schools then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, you know, so, a couple things to that, like, one, the fucking, this is hilarious, the standard that we're using,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking worldometers.info. So this is the, the gold standard for tracking global deaths. Like what the fuck, like there's no, you know, World Health Organization Association. To my knowledge, it's just some random fucking like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, it's like Ask Jeeves or something like that. I have no idea. It's uh, it's some, and that's what they, the epidemiologists are referring to, public health are referring to. So just to, to, you know, that sort of highlights how shitty the data collection probably is to start. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so we're quoting, you know, maybe 5,000 desks so far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, uh, and this is super, super early days, right? Uhm, and, uh, if it, uh, if it continues to spread, the deaths are proportionate with the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I see you capacity of the affected nations. So for example, you know, South Korea's got their Epic and they've, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got a really good healthcare infrastructure superior to Italy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's why everyone was so relieved. Oh yeah, you know, they, they're, they're doing that really good screening program. The case fatality is 0.5% and then Italy, which is still a decent country.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From an infrastructure perspective, you know, they're, they're looking at like 6% or worse. So it's, it's proportionate with your ability to, to, to manage it. The world economy is getting fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the hospitals are overrun. I'm scared. I'm gonna start swabbing myself, potentially. Uh, it's, uh, we're, we all are, uh, panicking. And, um, I think we've done-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's two ways. The gold standard is a nasopharyngeal swab, which is like super uncomfortable. It's like, you know how you used to like floss your, uh, can you floss your nose with spaghetti?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they'll never, they'll have to, uh, they'll have, they can do an oropharyngeal swab, so like at the back of the throat, uhm, a little less sensitive, but that's the, that's the way that we're, we're screening folks, uhm, at this time. But I, I don't like the idea of these,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like how are we going to set up a community assessment? So are we going to have a bunch of suspicious people with whom we suspect might have the illness sitting in a fucking crowded waiting room, you know, coughing on each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or, are we gonna adopt some, uh, programs that have been used in like Germany, uh, and elsewhere, where they have like a, uh, a drive-through. Like straight up. Like, you know, how can I take your order? You roll down the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Numbers are messing people up. Yeah, there's a, there's a really, uhm, the, the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our healthcare system is easily saturated. You know what I mean? Like we're constantly working at like almost 100% capacity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we don't have resources, we can't mobilize resources like a, you know, a semi sort of a dictatorship, uh, like, like China, where we can be like, fuck you, stay at home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't spread this. So there are countries, you know, Israel for example, where all returning travelers are at home two weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, take some time off, uh, spend some time with your kids, play video games, two weeks, suck it up. Uhm, most like, like CDC level guidelines right now are travelers who are returning from, uhm, uh, affected regions, which is, you know, which changes on a daily basis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And who have even the sniffles. That means two weeks at home. Yeah, you know, hunkered down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, if you, if you've had travel. But eh, you know, what, like, we don't know, there's no data in the states in terms of community spread. So you guys already have, uh, uh, a number of case reports, California, Washington state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of, uh, community spread. So that isn't, uh, people that have no travel history, but, um, are, are swab positive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you're absolutely right. We have got to stop munching bats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not an expert on bat preparation, but it would be nice if the public health like, you know, and like a really formal set of guidelines, you know, hand washing instructions. This is how you safely prepare bats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, don't stay away from, uh, stay away from bats. Stay away from those armadillo things. Don't look a camel in its face. These are the main precautions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, and China's gonna, China's gonna, I think is cracking down, or has cracked down on the so-called wet markets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well I like the idea of the, you know, the black market for fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of weird shit, uhm, but yeaah, they, we have blue chew and they have, you know, tiger penis and various things like this. But, uh, yeaah, we gotta be careful about, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's not, it's not false to say that we have a global financial collapse because someone fucking munched a bet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so yeah, I mean, I know less about that type of stuff, but like, for example, the last, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sars, uh, uh, was, so this is a SARS type virus, was bat, you know, 17 years ago, 2003, uhm, and, uh, Osterholm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, epicenter for, for future pandemics because you're, you're sneezing on each other, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you know, there's fucking like, what? Capsule hotels and stuff like that. Like, that's, that's what's gonna happen. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta, you gotta keep two meters. You gotta wear your condom. You gotta wash your hands. Mind your own business. Don't sneeze on each other. No batsu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I hate, I hate fucking closed talkers. So you, you accuse Canadians of being closed talkers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea of, um, pestilence and, and plagues, uh, is an important theme. So what do you, like what, uh, you know, and following on social media and shit, like how are you seeing people react? Like how are your, you know, how are your friends who,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are skeptical about Sandy Hook sort of, uh, reacting? Are they, are they hunkering down? What's the story there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I mean? Um, like, uh, that's, that's for sure. In terms of like a coordinated sort of like effort or conspiracy, I mean, I think that, uh, well, I know, I think there's decent data to suggest that, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People who feel imminently threatened, uh, you know, or their loved ones are threatened, tend to, uh, lean toward the right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in some ways, you know, uh, there's a couple, you know, ways to look at it. Obviously the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well it is weird for whatever, well, eh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably should know. I probably should know it, but I don't. But for whatever reason, the comorbidities that, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the worst in prognosis include like run-of-the-mill stuff like hypertension, type 2 diabetes, uh, not, uh, immunosuppressed or, you know, typical immunosuppressed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that's, that's sort of funky, you know, like breast cancer or something like that. It's sort of funky, but those are the, uh, the data.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hypertension, run-of-the-mill stuff. So it's sort of interesting. And age.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A virus that just selectively wipes out fat people would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so you know, a couple things like with seasonal influenza, we have decent data and it varies year to year, but the effectiveness on preventing flu transmission is on the order of like a 50% reduction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is huge, right? So again, in the states, like, you know, we're talking about potentially saving, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like 40,000 people, like it's massive. That's how, that's how many people are killed by cars. You know what I mean? Like those are, those are big numbers now. I don't know. Like I, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I looked into the gay frog thing, you know what I mean? Like it's, I think you gotta keep an eye on it, right? You gotta be, anytime there's big money, you gotta be skeptical, but, um, there, there's decent, uh, decent data, um, as relates to that. So in terms of, um, the, the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, COVID-19, uh, vaccine. One of the potential targets is the, and I hope I'm not getting too...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, nerdy here. But it's, uh, uh, the ACE2 receptor, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have heard of that before. Yeah. So, uh, it's actually the same or a related, uh, uh, receptor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, East Asian people, uh, are going to be more susceptible, uh, to the sort of lung effects, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's funny man, like I, I follow some, some Facebook groups with, uh, with medical people and they're like, yeah, like I'm going to get on fucking, uh, uh, cover. So which is like a, an anti-hypertensive ACE inhibitor with the thought that, uh, or an ARB with the thought that it's going to protect them against COVID. Who the fuck knows? Maybe that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, people of, uh, I believe it's just African American as opposed to African descent are, uh, respond less well to ACE inhibitors for hypertension. So they're not first line. So they're, you know, it's got, it's the field of pharmacogenomics says that we, you know, we aren't all the same, although we do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to pretend to think that sometimes. And uhm, different people, uh, are going to respond differently or be more susceptible based on how they express this receptor that allows the virus to enter the cells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if anything, if anything, it'd be a bit lower, but I mean, getting, getting into the weeds a little bit, but, um, yeah, it's interesting. Like, you know, like I think, yeah, I'm always in the fucking weeds, uh, peeking out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have a lot of, of the ACE as a, uh, uh, uh, uh, receptor, uhm, that is how the virus enters cells. So you're gonna tend to, uh, be well responding to those types of medication because you have a lot of it to block.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are a few other, uh, sort of emerging, uhm, therapeutic options.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it called? Remdesivir is like an antiretroviral. So this is an RNA virus and, you know, we had experience with SARS previously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then other things, like even people are saying like Tammy Flu. Have you heard, you've heard of Tammy Flu, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like some people are like saying even Tamiflu could be potentially protective. What about good old garlic?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Garlic, well, you know, if you hang three cloves of garlic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Previously about effectiveness of uhm, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bad, nothing to, to, uh, sort of shrug at, but it's certainly not a cure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Tamiflu does potentially decrease viral, uh, shedding. So the likelihood that, uh, that you'll pass it on to someone else. Uhm, so there's, uh, there's value in that. Now remember that's in, in the setting of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that, you know, with your daughter, and congratulations daddy, that's fantastic. Uhm, you know, do you, surely you've sort of like reflected on sort of like life and death and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, and there's gotta be something biological from that perspective. There's, there's data that, that your tea drops, uhm, after you, uh, after you, uh, sire, uh, offspring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's this rat guy, Pengskep, and I might be, uh, brutalizing his name there. But he did lots of, uh, developmental, uh, studies on rats, uh, and found that, uh, there was, uh, importance in, uh, social, uh, and physical development with rats getting tickled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like how, yeah, how fucked up is that? So like, you know, a nurturing environment, like in addition, you know, to remembering to,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you can, you can pick up a fucking car type of thing. Super motive, super motivated. How's mom doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know, yeah, so, so that makes, so, and is that like an attachment stimulating sort of experience or what's the idea there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like that time off, I mean, you know, postpartum depression.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a huge issue and so you need to, you know, providers like, uh, uh, routinely screen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For it. And uhm, postpartum psychosis is another thing that's not that rare. I'm gonna go with something like on the order of one in a thousand. But like frank psychosis. And it's just this fuck, like the, the dyad is like so powerful. And the common theme is like with infanticide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the mum trying to protect baby from the, like the cruelty of the world, right? As opposed to like being, you know, like I hate this fucking thing. I can't go out and drink wine with my girlfriends anymore. It's, it's like, yeah, it's fucked. Uhm, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean there's, you know, and there's like the, there's like a school that, that attributes like all sort of psychological illness to fucking delivery trauma and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And, and I mean, it's so important obviously for those really sensitive, sensitive, uh, developmental first week's months. Baby blues though, like women feeling a bit down is to be normalized. Like I, you know, like 50% of women are going to feel a bit shitty. I mean, they just had a fucking eight pound bowling ball explode out of their abdomen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, you know, it's, uh, it's such a high stakes time and, and Nuclechord, that is the couple wraps, like, you know, I wouldn't get too fussed. I'm sure your, your docs told you that that's not uncommon, but it's great that she was delivered by, uh, by the section.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, man, like, uh, again, not without identifiers. Like, I've seen babies come out fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dead and, you know, from sections and yeah, and like, oh my God, like, eh, yeah, you know, almost it's, it's sort of too intense to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To speak to too much right now, but, uh, it's a, it's a, uh, it's a big deal. And, uh, I'm glad that, uh, that your wife, uh, uh, followed her, uh, instinct and, um, and, uh, had that assessment. That's fantastic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Elective c-sections, now this wasn't an elective c-section, but. Yea it was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so she pulled the trigger. Yeaah. So where, you know, where is the, with the shit hitting the fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those, uh, you know, especially the Vance or the anesthesiologist, like she wasn't put under, she likely had a spinal, but they, a lot of the staff that are going to be involved with these, you know, quote unquote elective procedures, but probably are, you know, best option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 80 year olds with uh, with uh, with flooded lungs. You know what I mean? So that's, that's sort of the real world like consequences. Uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the resources are diverted from, from where they should be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's a good idea. You want to, you want to start stimulating things, but that's, that's. Sorry, go ahead. That's fantastic. I mean, um, uh, congratulations and you know, I think things are going to be wonderful. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. And I, you know, just to, to return to the top there, uh, with the disclaimer that, you know, for, to my best knowledge, this was, this was fairly accurate and this is not a fucking public health announcement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm shooting the shit to, you know, a bunch of people that like to laugh that are probably pissed off with all of the discrepant information that they've been getting. So it would be important if you had any questions to talk to your doctor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or to, uh, consult your, uh, local, uh, public health, uh, unit, uh, to, to verify information and, and what you should do, uh, in this scenario.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wash your hands, don't munch bats. Yep. Matt, remember to wipe away from the vag. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Karonis. Alright, take it easy brother. Alright man. Peace. Later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a better way. We'll look here. Here's the thing. I'd like to learn from you guys about finance and future finance. I'll teach you guys about podcasting together. We could maybe change the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what's, I'm assuming Stan Hope's like pretty rich, but there's no way he has a nice home. It's impossible. It is nice. Oh, really? It's nice. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's nice. He spends his money on like, you know, like loan ornaments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was him being racist, dude. He was making a racist joke. Did you guess that or you know that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have the ability to do that. You guys know that? Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking, I would love to, if we could shut this business down right now. Oh, give me the opportunity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Can we buy you out? We'll buy gas. Now's the time. You could easily buy, right now you could buy gas digital. How much you want?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna buy and fire everybody, just use the studio. You're gonna buy it just to burn it down? You want the studio? Nah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, I mean come on man, I've been fucked. I am a counterculture legend at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you can't just say, like, I can call them up friendly, like, yeah, they forgot my whip, banana whip, yeah, I would love, you know. But I call back, yeah motherfucker, yeah, forget my whip, that's right bitch, send it back now. And then, it never comes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you took a swig of vanilla extract right now, you'd be like, wow, that's a bit extreme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm not good at references, so I was looking up a reference to make.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, uh, Mimsy from South Park is the number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do Google things sometimes. Then what I'll do is people, if you listen to me podcast, here's what happened. The moment will pass, but I've learned through years of podcasting, trick them back into the conversation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's the female comedian that was saying Wasan Hope before you? Oh, uh, Olivia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Olivia Grace, yeaah. Yeaah, I'm just fucking high as shit. Olivia Grace, very funny comedian. But I was gonna say, what does Stan Hope make everyone get that haircut?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Stan Hope actually is one of the people that saw it and retweeted it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was like, what the fuck is this? Like disappointed in me and Bobby Kelly. And uh, I guess afterwards somebody told him it was fake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna turn away if Santa goes to kiss you? Just like a friendly


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they might have kissed you goodnight though. There's an outside chance that Stan hope rape you though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be honest with you, I am constantly playing that game. He's not wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit dude. See? It just passed guys, two weeks ago, see?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. 38 years old. It is old as, it is old as shit now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I think my mom died when she was like 42 or 43.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not really, you know, she, okay, so she was doing methadone and, um, swag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True. If somebody punched Shane in his face, I mean their whole arm would shatter. Your bones are so thick in your face, Shane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she was just doing methadone at night dude. And she, it was these little orange, um, bottles and she would fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Slip him down and then go into her bedroom and she'd fall asleep with cigarettes and burn her bed. Uhm, and uh, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So she, I can't give her credit. It's like when people say they're sober, but they still smoke weed. True. Do you remember her not like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, there was never a time where my mom was not on heroin or methadone since I've been alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just when you're, when you're a little kid, you have to. When I was a little, little kid I did, but I realized very quickly that my mom sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I've always been a conservative white guy. Like as a kid, I remember just like really looking down my nose at my mom being like, get a job. That's so sick, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, on, uh, Puerto Rico, there's, there's, uh, like European, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, settlers, and then there's African settlers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and my, my family came from the African side. That's why I have this big fucking flat nose. Look at that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not using all the tools that are afforded to you at any given moment. First of all, in the future, we're going to Google in a fucking microchip in our eyeball and you're going to be able to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's going to be life. So you're not going to do that. You're not going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna Google my eye, Chucks. By the way, this is gonna be hilarious. Everyone's gonna have top notch references in the future.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, you're an idiot. It's 154 lows of power. How many times did you read it? 144 lows of power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's the opposite. Never admit you're wrong. Blame that on somebody else. Blame that. Who wrote this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me see. Holy fuck man. I always imagine that he's like a power lifter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People hide their money in offshore accounts, obviously. Nah, I'm pretty sure this guy was- I'm on the record shit, dude. No, it's weird to see-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know who Kai Green is? No. Look up Kai Green. This is what I, this is what I imagine. I swear to God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I got Dave's back, because I get my friends backs at always, which is a fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he put covid denialism over the, uh, the fish. Oh god. And then Legion of Sangspans is the bird. So then I retweeted it and I just put, uh, his name, I put Seth Simons over the bird and then I put penis over the fish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some other chick, some other chick chimed in and I don't want to trash her. Yeah, don't name anybody. I won't, I won't, but some other chick chimed in and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking Shane's mom or something. I said, oh no, Shane's mom. Uhm, what's his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, I would never joke about that. Your mother and I have a great relationship. We make love. Uhm, no, Seth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this chick chimes in and she's like, do you even know what a clit is? I click on her picture and this bitch has a like facial hair, like thick facial hair all over her face. Like she's a fucking werewolf. And I'm like, bitch, how dare you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How fucking dare you? Like that's where you're gonna go. You're gonna go with it. I can't fuck. That's where you're gonna fucking go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it didn't- it wasn't actually a werewolf. So she was like gender nonconforming. She was like- No, no, no. She was just a hairy bitch. A hairy ugly woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their old picture, when they were like in high school or college, where they looked like a hot chick, like they were like a beautiful young girl. Yea, hot high school chick. Yea, hot high school chick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now they're like, they show what they look like now. And you're like, what are you showing right now? Like, what are you, like, they used to be like a beautiful young girl and then they turn into this fucking


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, I, uh, I remember the first time we fucked after she had the kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean it was, you know, vaginas, rarely not. True. But the first time


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It definitely had not gained back the elasticity the same way. They were like, oh, Keynes, but you're like, not the first time. The first time it was like, oh shit, like this thing feels like it been fucking some shit. So when you talk to like a war vet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, what would you rather, a woman who has a stomach scar or a woman who has, who's lost, uh, 20% of her elasticity in her pussy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, after we did Zach's bachelor party, we were like, why don't we just hire these girls for like UFC night? Like they were pretty, it was pretty cheap and like just kinda like fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like comic book convention is like a low-budget ship really, really shit. What if he had, uh, like uncle Ben from Star Wars was like the big fucking get like he was like a big one, but also I had the guy that was in Darth Vader's costume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm almost positive it wasn't, or maybe it was Uncle Ben that nobody gave a fuck about. Maybe it was Uncle Ben. Yeah, it was Uncle Ben. He was sitting there with a fucking breathing device and nobody was on his line. Nobody fucking cared at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The big attraction was Darth Vader, the guy who was in the costume. James Earl? No, no, no, no. James Earl did his voice. So it was some old white guy that just wore the costume. The dude who actually, like, was his stunt double? And I felt so bad, and I went on his line, I paid $5 for a picture with Uncle Ben.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a sweet story. But that's how, I was you in the strip club that night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll get handsy with strippers. I pay them to let me touch their titties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened, you know? What? Like, what was the story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he got into a fight with a kid, it was a young kid actually, like a 16 year old kid or a 15 year old kid. Right, they got punked by a child. But that was murdered by a child.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought you guys were gonna start laughing and making fun of like a child punking my dad and killing him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think it was like 20 years. I mean, it might have been 16. I think they tried him as an adult as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, my, my father got into a fight with him and the kid came back with a kitchen knife and fucking stabbed him. Uhm. You got a butter knife? Yeah, my father's fucking weak as shit, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you gave me a knife and told me to kill somebody, I'd be like, this is gonna take a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Yeah. So yeah, he stabbed him one time. My dad, yeah, my dad fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Killed himself the same way he killed my father, just fucking fell on a sword.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love seppuku dude, I take shots. It's my shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shane, I just started playing, uhm, Rocket League.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Why do you fuck, I mean he's good. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, they have Jimmy Fallon. I mean, how much would you pay for a commercial on Jimmy Fallon to say you have a great company, right? So they're just paying for that and they get to write it off and they get to fuck it look like they're great. Fuck the boys and girls club.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't seen a doctor work for one second yet. I've only seen doctors putting on fucking face masks. That's all they do. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you really? Yeah. True. That's a power move right now to get fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really hate it, but I mean, I feel bad because like, you know, we're doing that right now, but less talent. No, I, I'm pretty sure there was a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She looks like, she looks like all the doorways are shaped like her body. In her house, dammit. All the doorways in her house, I thought that would've.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody. That's like comedians who throw each other under the bus for jokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. It was when I was like, uh, I, so I worked, so I worked. Were you trying to make your dad reappear?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, think of number one to ten. Now what I want you to do is I want you to double it. Okay. Now I want you to add eight to that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now what I want you to do is I want you to divide by two. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you started with. The original number you started with from that number. Okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have a whole new number in your head now, right? Yep. Both of you guys. Don't say shit. Say nothing, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shane, did you fucking fuck up the math?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now what I want you to do is I want you to think of that number like it's a letter. So if it was A1, B2, C3, D4, E5 and so on. Yeah. So I can think of the letter of the alphabet, okay? You guys should have a letter of the alphabet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. No, you're not fucking getting, you're done with it. Guess what? You took the magic trick away from yourself. It's not me. I'm not like taking my ball and going home. You kicked my ball over the fence and now you're like, dude, get the ball and come play again. Like, no, fuck you, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna actually take another paper towel. We're gonna take three paper towels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's really funny cause I, I do that to Shane all the time. I just make him feel bad and he's such a nice guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She hired me as a magician. Yeah, we can keep it. I should do a fucking online magic show. I'm pretty fucking dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I miss you. I love you and I miss you come back to town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Say a lot about the trajectories of our lives, whether or not they're going to unfold in a positive way that moves towards prosperity, love, freedom, contribution, or downward into pathology and despair. And I'm here to make the argument.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in more than a thousand studies, we've shown that psychological flexibility predicts. Are you going to develop a mental health problem? Anxiety, depression, trauma. If you have one, it predicts. Later on, will you have two? It predicts how severe they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, so she strangled it. Dude, this lady's done. Yeah, and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's also probably going through her head, she's like, who do I call to deal with? The situation arose and she was like, oh, I'm going to call the police. Oh yeah. I like to report a black guy inconvenience me. There's a black guy bothering me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, when they, you know, they've been building their personality for the last four years and how they're like morally superior to everybody else and it's like, and it just, just fucking hits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Old blackface Jimmy. Who was the, uh, who was like the makeup designer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Calling all makeup artists. How many, dude, you know how many times a makeup artist probably gets called to like a rich person's house and they're like, blackface, please doll me up here. That's when you go to the elites, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, oh, I got a good makeup artist, excellent blackface. That's, that's all they do. That's the whole point of Halloween is so the elites could just comfortably do blackface. That's when it started.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Sia, it didn't start back, it didn't start with Dios, Deos, Martyrs, it started like 1975, the elites were like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always seen pimps and hoes parties where it was like people would just dress like pimps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I've never seen, I've never seen them go full bore on the, uh, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It became, so like when I, you know, I guess I graduated school 2009, so 2004.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this is just, you know, we're having a good time. This is Freaky Friday. We're doing Freaky Friday right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really good blackface in the Freaky Friday video, looks exactly like Chris Pratt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're watching the news, you're just telling who's winning right now. And like the libs were winning, they were up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As crazy as it sounds, if you watch a certain news, you can be racist too. It's amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I went to, I was in a, I was, we went and visited, uhm, some of Britt's family up in, uh, like North Jersey and,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Super nice people, but they watch their, again, it's like they'll watch CNN like my mom watches Fox. So like we're sitting there and it's just like, the talk is just, if you don't,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The whole time was just like, what the fuck were they saying? Oh, they were like, yeah, the numbers, is there, you know, like right now they did a thing where like there's less COVID deaths in Republican states versus Democrat states on average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's funny because everyone's like fucking Democrats are juicing the numbers and I was at a house where they're like fucking Republicans are lying. So everyone's convinced everyone else is juicing. Oh yeah. Which is so fucking funny because it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is dude, it's like the more people who get for me are getting hooked on the news. It's like the, the amount where people will just assign their.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, their discernment of reality to a corporation that benefits from telling them what they want to hear and be like, this is what it is. And it's like, dude, it's so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a company that profits off of just kind of corralling your reality in a way that makes you feel like you're always right. And it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also, it's also the fact that nobody knows anything about this, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then it's- Dude, imagine if you saw like, you know, you walk around in Philly and like, I, the one time, the one time I walked by a guy, uh, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a crazy person rambling to himself, and I'm like, oh, fucking great. And he's like, what did he say? I'm like, he's fucking nuts. Let's go get tacos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a figurative guillotine. It's literally a figurative guillotine. If it was, if we were all standing around in like weird Shakespeare clothes, they would have cut that lady's head off. If we didn't have, if we didn't have social media, the same impulse to be like cut her fucking head off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine having to cry in front of everyone you've ever known in your village. Just getting big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, imagine how hard you'd come after that though. The whole village laughing and pointing, and then like, you're back out, you're shepherding the sheep, you're like, oooooooooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything she's ever done, snap a picture of her at her worst, obviously, and then be like, it's all coming down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's not even that big of a deal. So if you get caught like freaking out in a park and calling the police on a black dude, like sure, like you should definitely like get like, it definitely is up to your company to be like, yes, this is a bad look, dude. We're fucking out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should give her desk duty, like a cop. They should be like, you're off the street.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a, there's a specific, like, you know, if you kick somebody's ass and a cop's like, you know, if someone kicks my fucking ass, they're like, oh, this guy, stop kicking his ass. If you beat a cop up, they all are like, motherfucker, you're dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which, you know, makes, I mean, it makes sense. That's the, you know, that's the mentality, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't been listening to the news at all, like at all. I would, I got, I got real big and I'd be like, I'm going to start reading the Atlantic. I'm going to start reading The Economist or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I make it for like two weeks of like following with stuff and I'm just like, fuck this shit, I don't, I can't man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well he talks like he talks in his pedophile video and he's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's also, it's like, wait, what? Why are we doing this now? Even when the main star of your show is accused of like, true, pedophilia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lord, he was just, he was just grabbing ass in a club. Wasn't like he'd like, you know, been like Michael Jackson or whatever. He, he was like grabbing, he was a violent pedophile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Michael Jackson's house, you're a parent and you just see like a merry-go-round and shit and you're like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recently, I don't know what, I'm trying to think what kind of like spiked this thought into my head, but I was thinking about the whole, I think I was watching something on TV, but it was like the whole idea of,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You better not finger her fucking beehole. You gotta answer to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just admit she's hot. Be like, alright, my daughter's hot. I'm not, I'm not a weirdo or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You still gotta clean your guns. You gotta defend your daughter with guns, dude. Her virginity. If you don't have any guns, guess what? Your daughter's a slut. True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't have any guns, and you're not pointing them at whoever comes to pick up your daughter. She's jerking off every Tim, Dick, and Harry dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, your daughter, her feet don't touch the ground the whole time. She's just lifted by dudes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in France with my tutor and my tutor and then it's always like, and then my tutor fucked me in the butt and you're like, oh my God, that's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't, I don't want slash need to see that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be hilarious, dude. That would be fucking so funny. I mean, you'd have the show, Stretched Altenus, who, you know, any actors I can stretch out and do a number two pencil for the good of art. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cast here will be like, can I see you stretch your penis? Perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. That was making me laugh so fucking hard, uh, this weekend. I'm just thinking about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go in full commando dude, just be like, I'll fucking kill myself with this gun. Dude, if you touch, if you touch your b-hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How have you been feeling about, uh, these troubling times? Have you been in the supermarket or anything? No, I haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, so the other day I was sitting there and uhm, my, my beautiful wife, we were sitting by the window and she was like, oh look, just,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Innocent observation, she was like, look, that Asian lady's not wearing a mask. And I was like, that's definitely the groundhog's day of coronavirus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they're the most likely to wear a mask when they're off, when they're done with it. It's like, oh, we're fucking, okay guys, throw them out, we're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the COVID. I saw, it was a couple too. So that you see the couples or the Asian couples around here stay masked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Respectfully? I think that's a good sign. Pay it respectfully? I think that lady, that lady-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Corona, and I said, babe, respectfully, me as a white male, you as a person of color.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman, excuse me, a woman of color. Excuse me? I think it's a valid assumption for me to say that I do think seeing that Asian woman without a mask augurs the fact that coronavirus is winding down. It's time. It's time to let


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, man, just fired, fired back up. Yeah, we'll see. I mean, it's gonna be, it's just funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, people are trying to enjoy the summer with just like this


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I talked to a dude this weekend, he was like, yeah, I know like 10 people who died. He's a little bit older, but he was like, yeah, like I know like 10 people who fucking died. So you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause then you have the other side who was like, this whole fucking thing is fake. And then it's like some guys, it's like, yeah, 10 of my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't even realize there was people, like I saw people, uhm, whatchamacallit. Hold on one second, let me pause this up. My bad. Hold up, hold up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we back, my bad. Had to, uh, handle some motherfucking business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea. I think we were talking about, uh, oh, we're, that's right, we're talking about, uhm, the end of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talking about dads, we're talking about the end of coronavirus coming. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, this is, this is what I, so this is what I was asking about food shopping. I went to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I was like, I think it's died down enough to where like I can go back and it's not going to be like crazy. They should have food there. Dude, they want, I think all the grocery stores did this now where it's like the lanes are now one ways. So they have one way lanes. So as soon as you go in, the one near me, as soon as you go in there, like, you know, you go in and Whole Foods is just the produce aisles right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's just like, you go in there, there's just like, militant gender neutrals, dude. There's like, produce lines one way, over there! And you're like, what the fuck have I walked into? And you're just getting yelled at by purple bowl cuts. The entire, it's, it's fucking terrifying. Dude, I, I- What's that, Whole Foods? Yeah, dude, you walk in there. Let's stop going to Whole Foods, dude. Whole Foods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be so funny if I had done that the whole time I was at school. I'm like, um, excuse me. Actually, I have multiple dietary restrictions. Dairy irritates me. I'm dairy intolerant. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that one doesn't, that doesn't count? Oh, that one makes me way supremacist, my bad. I'll write it down in the middle. Alright, no. The uhm, yeah dude, you, I walk in and it's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just, it triggered my autism, my, it triggered my mild autism to the point where I came home and like, I was yelling, I was mad at Brittany and I was explaining to her, I'm like, I'm like, just fucking leave me alone. Like, just give me a minute.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I grabbed a basket and then you know when you grab a basket and you make it like 60 pounds? So I have just, I didn't have the, I just filled a basket with 60 pounds. It was like lugging this thing around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I'm an essential employee. No, no, no, no. It's like, dude, oh my God. I was telling Spud.


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[Assistant] Like, here's, you're standing like, sir, stand over here. And you're like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true of every single day of a person like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys supposed to take my shoes off, my laptop's out of my bag, you're just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's say the dating market, essential workers get recognized in terms of like getting, you know, hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think a grocery bagger right now is like cashing in? No. Getting all kinds of head? Yea, I don't think, I think this is really... I think they pulled it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but good job. Thanks for, uh, you know, being a butcher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is so fu- that is so fucking funny of him standing up and speaking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my dad, my dad wasn't, my dad, uh, he was too young for, for Nam. He claims he wanted to go. He claims, he's like, I would have went, I was too young. So I wanted to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we need a good war that everyone can get behind. That we can easily win. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like we should, before we fight China, I think we should like fight like the Philippines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, true. Yeah, that would be an easy win. We should, uh, yeah, we do need a good, a good victory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you talking about like reclaiming? Like what we should do is like take one of those French or like English like St. Martin's. We should take that and to see what England does. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if we, uh, I mean, can we, is there anywhere we can go and just do like war games on the border?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, exactly. If you start fucking with Canada. That would be tight. If we started taunting Canada like militarily and like, dude, you know we could come fucking you guys up. You know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know who, I mean, who would do it. I think like, Frans would be like, hey, come on, guys. And he'd be like, shut the fuck up, Frans, we're killing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be fine. I mean, we did a European war. That would be pretty, that must've been hilarious. I mean, that was probably horrible. But yea, the European war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True. I wonder if we can, uh, there's gotta be something to do where you can kinda like bypass the military all together and do like a two week tour. Or I can be like, yea let me just- Just individually?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm a good guy. I'm friendly. Give me, give me, hire me on some Blackwater ship, a two week contract. I'll do it for 800 a week, dude. Let me get in there and get some action. Who are you trying to see action against?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being in a gunfight would be nuts. They should combine whitewater rafting with paintballing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you just kinda, you can pop down, it's like float down, that'd be fucking awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you would end up like right next to it would be a non-stop dog fight, dude. You guys would be next to each other the entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, every time I go to my parents house, I leave with like a, I leave in like almost a critical condition. I drive, I drink like 19 flavored seltzers and then eat like as much shit as I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, she's probably been backed up. She probably knew your tissue routine. So she was like, all right, it's been three days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were doing that to employees at a lot of places. They do like a body scan. They'll scan your temperature. Am I right? You're in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin' nonsense dude. You think at one moment, do you think Mark Anthony stopped at one moment dude and worried about anything? As he was, I don't know what that guy did. Damn, you got a new Dell? New gaming computer, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh God, like you killed the grandmother, raped all my daughters, killed my son, and then you just hopped in a boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they, they're rowing away, so it's not that fast. You know, watch them like, fuck you, you motherfuckers for like five minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean 40 really. You would just be so physically tired from all day every day of like dragging fucking long logs through the mud and like fighting off vikings. 40 years old, you'd be ready to die just out of physical exhaustion. Where you're just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm ready, I'm fully ready to go. You'd be on your like bed of straw and hay, just like, on a Sunday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it would also be like, how'd he die? Lit him on fire. They're like, oh yeah, that's a bitch. Not like, what the fuck? They lit him on fucking fire. They're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when they started courts and they're like, what did you do? Like, yeah, I lit their whole family on fire. Like, what happened? Like, I fucking stole my sheep. And they're like, alright, we gotta come up with some laws about this. We're not sure how this works.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and we're the political party where you can, we can be head kings if they fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so he was definitely, so he was like an LG King Slayer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, we're sitting here being like, I don't know, you know, we don't know how many cronin people are like, I don't know if the king's god. And they're like, yo dude, shut the fuck up. What the fuck did you-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Phil Gillis and it's also the, uh, my, my friend Burt's dad was this coach at summer league and they can like talk shit from the bench. You would go over and be like, like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm a potato scientist in training. I'm in, uh, third year of grad school, baby. Where do you go? Uh, I'll probably not say that. It's in the Midwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, one day. That'd be the best program for potatoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, dude, I'm a fucking potato scientist. I don't know about football. No, let's stop guessing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, dude, how, uhm, how lame do you want it? Like, do you want...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like a starch is just like a storage thing for sugars. So if the sugars don't turn into starches, they just hang out. These sugars, and then over time they turn into like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the sugars that didn't turn into starches turn into worse sugars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. Not like super oppressively in my experience, I guess. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Serge, speak your piece, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, he was sort of antagonizing the, uh, the kids and I said, Shane, it would have done you well to spend one extra week at West Point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I really don't. I mean, we just have to persevere. I mean, things are coming hopefully to a conclusion here, but who the hell knows? It's nuts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fucking Asian sweet boy DM'd sent me like ways to fix my fucking shitty posture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it's- I was like, alright, the hit, thanks. It's a big deal. I have a deal, I have a horrible- I have the worst fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course a German sat like that shit. It's such a German way of sitting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's either... How do they get behind a paywall right away and pick up names? It's either... Scary times... Snitch? There was no snitch. You think it was just AI? That was his, if you say his name onto a platform, yea, they have...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bad for that. It was good. If you listen to it, enjoy it. That's cool. Yeah. That guy had a clearance. He wasn't, the government doesn't want him chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry, we interviewed Q. And, uh, he, he disclosed zero state secrets to me. I don't have any. Nope. Government. I know what they're up to, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Governments have got a couple of delias in the Senate. Really? A couple of delias popping around, making laws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd say pretty. Yeah, that's a tie. And see, that's, that's like, fuck it. Here's exactly what, yesterday we recorded a full podcast, talked about race for about an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, it was a lot. And, uh, now it'll just be me saying something and backpedaling on Crystallia. Well, kids are hot these days. I mean, I'm not like definitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be that for an hour and a half. Uh, but here's what was scary. He got called a pedophile. Sure. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody was so happy to call him that on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I heard the news, when I heard the news, I was like, oh, nice. Immediately got on Twitter and I was like, ha ha ha. Fuck, that sucks for him, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's no, there's no way of controlling it. There's no way of being like, hey everybody on Twitter, we gotta wait until someone's proven guilty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before he's number one trending in America as pedophile. That's a rough one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he? Ludog? Really? Yeah. King Louie? King Louie gets hit with- King Louie gets hit, they bring that to his table. He just says, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was a couple of them were like, all right, shut up, fucking moving lady. And here's, here's the fucked up thing is I was, it's like a bunch of tech man. Why do they all come out at once? Well, they finally feel brave enough. It's like, or do they see other girls getting a lot of likes? Dude, that's a valid question. It's a valid question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they sell funny people and they're like, Oh, I just do one mic and then Adam Sandler makes me famous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so a couple of them are like, oh man, that's just a pylon. But then you see the one or two that's like, he's DMing like 16 year olds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn dude, I better not get fucking popped on any of these. Like what? Cause they immediately put up a clip of him being like, 14 year olds are not 14 anymore, they're 35, they're hot. I saw that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think so too, but I agree. I agree. That's what I was saying. Like people are like, oh wait, you can get a thousand likes by being like Chris Leah DM'd me. Yeah. And how hard is it dude?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so, so a lot of them are like, alright, get the fuck out of here. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some rough ones in there. There's some rough ones in there. And the thing that sucks for him is like, damn, what really sucks. So like Louis, these are different. These are obviously very different, but Louis, Louis is so good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The one O'Connor was chatting about was this girl that was like, yeah, he invited me to his hotel and I knew he wanted to fuck. And so I said, I'd rather come down to the bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a dickhead, it was a dickhead move, but that's not a crime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a free, they're allowed to just be like, here's a shitty experience I have with this guy. And it's just a fucked up thing that fucking social media is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allowing, you know, it's created this thing where it's like, Oh, we're piling on somebody today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trump should put that on his, his next speech. He'd be like, ain't it pervert? Crystal clear. Absolute disgusting pervert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe I should do that instead of a therapist. Chiropractor? Yeah. Just have them tell you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it's infinitely- Hit me with cool facts. Yea, exactly. Line me up a little. That's all you need to do. I'll just start spilling my guts to that guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if, even if it came out that he did nothing wrong, he's fried from this. Like if you're labeled a fucking petter-ass dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, musicians and athletes are exempt. From grooming. From that type of, uh, criticism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does he really? Yeah, immediately people are like, yeah, he sucked. I think he sucked. It's like, did you? Why didn't you say it two years ago?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't knock it too hard because when the Penn State thing happened with Jopa, I was like, this is the best. What is? I hated Penn State so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta be like, alright, fuck it, run it. Yeah, I noticed Newsweek.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ran an article about the Delia thing like five hours into the Twitter accusations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when it gets weird. Yea, yea, yea. Cause all these publications race to be the first ones to put shit out. None of them do research. Yea. Like we saw it with our thing. Bro. Like immediately it was just misquote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And these were publications that were like, now we're all for joking, but he wasn't kidding. So you're going to report that? Wait, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno. And then people started sending me shit of him talking shit on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, this is hack. Cause he, you know, he read the articles. Saw the clip. He was just like, oh, they're just saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. You'll see some, yeaah. Some Brutus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they did it when Ari did the Kobe Bryant thing. They were all like, well fuck that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The goblin. The goblin. Unfortunately. We probably shouldn't name her Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, our fans aren't. They hate pedophiles. We roll off the pet. True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As soon as there's blood in the water, if, if there's a green light on your head and you're allowed to get shit on, people would just come out of the woodworks and like, yeah, he bumped me at this mic. He's a fucking sack of shit asshole. A thousand likes, 20 retweets. It's like everybody hated him. You see? Yeah. All right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and the, yeah, and the group, the mob mentality thing of just piling the fuck on people. Yeah. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least let it breathe, man. Figure out. But again though, you're allowed to talk, you're allowed to say whatever you want. Alright. This is a tricky one. I mean, I guess it's not that tricky. I mean, it's pretty simple, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, whatever, but. That's the crocs. Wait, what were you gonna go for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everyone knows the Aziz thing was bullshit. Like everyone. And it's still like, if you bring up Aziz, people are like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sam Harris is my favorite one. I just listened to this dude. You were talking about the ASMR. He's basically an ASMR dude going the most roundabout way to be like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if he wants, you know, shit drone delivered to everybody's house and have everybody locked out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forgot to include that, that was in last week, so I want to make sure that gets out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Sam Harris, it was just making me laugh. Cause obviously I think Sam Harris is very, very smart. And I'm sure I'm only like 20 minutes in, but it's just funny to set up all the fucking like defenses. It's really set up. Like the police are bad doing bad things. Like you gotta just put up all these defenses just to try to get a point out. And his point is like, maybe they're calling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the same thing every time where it's just like, well, what do you think CNN is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, yeah. Yes, exactly. You're watching CNN by watching Fox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're that, but a different- I'm literally like being in New York and then being home and shit and like sitting at a table with people that like at dinner like, yeah you can't even talk to these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, dude, you know they're having the same conversation in their house right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The people in New York are like these fucking idiots down there. They have no idea. And people in the cameras are like, fucking idiots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was somebody that Dukakis let out. Yeah. Bush. One guy. Ran an article, or a total ad on TV, a national ad that was like, Dukakis let this black dude out and he fucking raped and murdered right away. It's like, I wouldn't do that. Is that what the fuck you think?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'll, it was Oliver Stone, he did a documentary or a movie on George W. Bush, but it showed the port, the part where his dad was in office and like the, or yeah, cause he was, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Must have just been running for, wait, did he, did he have two terms? No, he lost the second term to Clinton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he was vice president when he ran. Possibly. For president. Possibly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 92, it must have been 92. Yeah, 90s. When he lost to Clint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Clinton took over and then W got in there in 2000 and then 9-11 happened. Yup. Now we got Obama coming. Yup. And then Trump dog comes to save everyone. Basically. And now we're saved.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we're good. Now we're good. Nobody's causing a hissy fit cause they lost.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he is, you know, he is a fucking retarded guy. So I guess that's a tough one. That's a catch point too. It's like there's a retarded guy in office. Do you criticize him nonstop every single day and blame everything on him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but in the movie there's a part where they run that ad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His campaign advisor's like, we gotta run this. And he's like torn on it. This is dirty, this is fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it is true that anytime there's like this level of like, this is crazy what's going on right now and you're right, that there is definitely something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anytime the media and all the politicians are like kind of on the same page, it's like, what are you guys doing here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they tried to do it with COVID. Maybe the double, the double, like double whammy here of complete surveillance and like COVID. It's like, we need to track you guys at every moment. Why don't we just all wear body cams?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Race war? Alright, race war didn't work. Back to COVID. Back to COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, you know, I was about to say like how the fuck can you do something so stupid, but I guess I've had some racial jokes go awry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you? I told you, I told you on the last episode, I was listening to the 1619 project. Yeah. I'm woke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're talking about how, uh, well black people invented music. Excuse me? Pardon me? That's the jeopardy. Obvious. Invented music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Menstrual shows was like the, they were a huge hit. Like. Oh, like blackface shows? First off, I think that's Jim Crow. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know the Jim Crow laws and all that? So let me reset my posture. I could be wrong, but is Jim Crow just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blackface, mandated blackface? The person who Jim Crowe is. Stop, tell me he was a blackface superstar. Jamie that, Jamie that for me. Who actually is Jim Crowe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounded like Jim Crow was an old black dude that was working, and a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Theater, a theater dork heard him singing and was like, that's the ticket. And then went blackface and just repeat. He was like, I found old Jim Crow and he was saying like this and blah. And people were like, this is the fucking shit. Really? Yeah. I could be wrong on that. I swear to God, he was singing about Jim Crow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Jesus Christ. So Jim Crow was not like, when you hear like Jim Crow laws, it's like, that must've been like a shitty senator or something. That's what I thought it was. No, Jim Crow was just like a dude working. And some fucking theater dork saw him, put on blackface, imitated him, and the dude was selling out theaters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so, so then what happened was all like music in America became just white people wearing blackface, imitating black songs. That was for a while. For a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause the paint is what you, it was just like, this is the fucking outfit you wear when you do these songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figured Jim Crow, based on the name, that doesn't sound like a waspy, senatorial name from back then. I figured Jim Crow was just a guy who got like lynched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figured Jim Crow was either like a victim of the crimes that were created or that, but no, it turns out he was just a dude working. Perhaps a slave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who got his swag stolen? He totally got his swag ripped off. Just like a failing actor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the incredibly powerful podcast 1619, I suggest all of my listeners listen to it. I'm sure you guys are gonna love it. Our listeners would love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gonna be some disappointment when they find out a lot of who owns slaves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you look into history, kind of everyone. Everyone had them? Literally everyone had them. Really? No, I mean every race had them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like the Prophet Muhammad. Yeah. Prophet Muhammad, which is ironic because you, you know, you hear a lot of people, like a lot of, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, Jesus didn't have slaves, he had disciples. Jesus. Jesus. He had disciples. Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's funny too because Arabs tend to go with the exact same thing white dudes do when defending slave owners. They treat them well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like anybody who had him has the exact same defense where it's just like, wow, we did better. We did, they liked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that was, you know, that was it. That must, those types, we talked about last, last, yesterday. Cause I was, I've been looking into the Slaver Vault in Haiti. Yeah. That must have been a rough one. When one of those fucking, one of those engines decided to fucking turn over on you. Dude, 90 jackdudes coming up the steps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Haiti they were like super paranoid about getting poisoned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was one thing that like all for some, well not for some reason, it's cause they were torturing everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Torturing everyone on the island. I wouldn't be able to eat, dude. And then, uh, yea, one day, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there was a bunch of different factions in the Haitian revolution. There was the rich whites. This guy puts it as the big whites. So that was like the, you know, kind of royal, major, major, the Bezos. The burgers? The Bezos.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. And then, then there was the small whites that were like middle management. And then there were the free coloreds. That's what they're called. That's what they're called. Tady. And uh, then there were the slaves. And so literally when everything broke up and the revolution started, they all just formed their own factions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was interesting to me, the small whites and the black folk, not the slaves. Slaves never really had any support.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The free slave-boning black people and the white people had mutual interests, which was fuck the big whites. We want our own shit. And the way the big whites separated them was racial division and racist laws. Basically Jim Crow laws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, oh, these guys are starting to get along and they're going to start fucking with our shit. We better separate this entire population.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With, like, pointless racist laws.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they gave, they gave the white people like heads up. Give the white people a slight advantage from the black people and then so that the black people would complain. Yeah. Like why the fuck are we doing this? And then the white people that are getting benefits are like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't you shut up? Yeaah. You're lucky. That's fair. Yeah, this is fair, you know. And then, uh, eventually the slaves just, you know, they got machetes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got everybody. Went off dude. And Haiti, this was the scariest part. Haiti's like all sugarcane, it was all sugarcane. Yeaah. Which apparently like burns like super easy. Yeaah. So like right away the slaves just live by it. So the whole island was like burning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when they, and then they started both sides just committing like the scariest atrocities.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on fire and if either side got captured, you were getting tortured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was just bands of roving dudes, just like, we're killing everybody that we see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anyway, Haitian, Haitian Revolution, sick. Check it out. Boy's got rowdy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was the only time that really ever happened though. Most slave revolts got like horrendously, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, you know, the others, I mean, the Trump side of it's just like, everybody's kind of starting to concede that he's a bit of a fucking dingus. Like even if you loved him, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's better than the other side. That's all that anybody has right now. You know Biden can't think, right? Anybody but Trump. You know Trump's like a dipshit, right? Anybody but.


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[Assistant] He just hobbled. That's it. Well, the thing was how slow he walked down the steps. And then he tweeted out, he was like, yeah, cause everybody would laugh at me if I fell. Oh, that's kind of sad, man. No, obviously that's not how he said it. He was like, the piece of shit media wishes I fell, I can't fall.


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[Assistant] Same thing they used to do with uh, FDR. You gotta hide it. You gotta hide that he's in a wheelchair. Put him on the side of the horse. You can prop him up to give him speeches.


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[Assistant] Yeah, if you give speeches. Dude, imagine if he got assassinated.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Trump dog in walking down this, and then we were talking, we talked about yesterday. It's one of my favorite things is like just how you can just check in on Trump.


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[Assistant] You just look at his Twitter, he tweets, it'll be like 3 AM, he's tweeting like, fucking read the documents again, your pieces, like in all caps. He's just like, tariffs, you fucking beat like just wild shit every day. And it's made me laugh that like literally since he's been elected, every single day has just been full fucking mosh pit. That's insane, dude. Like he jumped right in as soon as he wanted to do a sidewalk.


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[Assistant] Sorry. Sorry about that. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't have. Text me next time. I'll say, yeah, my bad.


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[Assistant] That was a tough one, that bothered me. Alright bro. Being in his car on the way to shows. Really? Yea, I liked him. I like him a lot.


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[Assistant] Broke my heart. Hey man, that's just what it is dude. In these days. But yea, the media did say we were shitty, and a lot of people think we are.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but you know, and I think Tim Dylan tweeted it yesterday. It's like the best, the best thing that is the funnest thing to watch is people that tweet and say the right thing like constantly and still have nothing.


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[Assistant] It's like how bad do you have to suck at this? Yeah. To literally be doing everything right and nobody wants to hear your shit.


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[Assistant] I don't need to hear this. Damn, we didn't talk about it either. Last, I, uh, was with a lady.


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[Assistant] And then, uh, when I put on, uh, the Revenant,


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[Assistant] That might be the worst Bay movie of all time. Oh dude, it's Kryptonite. I don't know if there's one, if you want to get your- It's Bay repellent. You want your lady to go to sleep or leave? Put on the revenant. Put on there will be blood, the revenant, or no country for old men. And the bays are asleep or yelling.


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[Assistant] It's because there's, and I've thought about it, it's because in the Revenant there's not a lot of dialogue.


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[Assistant] Normally you have to, like, pardon me. The dog brains need, like, uh, somebody saying what they're doing. Yeah. I gotta pick up these sticks to build a hut now.


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[Assistant] That, if you wanna get your, if you wanna get your man fired up ladies, toss that on.


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[Assistant] No, I wanted to get that Revenant take out and it didn't go great. Didn't go great, but that's alright.


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[Assistant] Wait, I'm trying to figure out, was that a tweet he put out that said African...


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[Assistant] The look she's giving the cameras. It's really weird, but the thing. It's funny to just be like, wait, how do Puerto Ricans take pictures?


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[Assistant] True. If, if, yeah, we always think of aliens of having like, R values. They could just be like Indian dudes. They could be here for nudes.


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[Assistant] And they do love Trump. Indian dudes love Trump. A lot of people don't know that.


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[Assistant] Really? Yea, my Indian impression there was bad. That was fair enough. I think I lost my Indian. You think you lost it? Yea, I think I used to be able to do it. If yea man, if you don't use it. Unfortunately the way to get into it, to like start practicing again, is you gotta imitate Apu.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you have to practice a bit. You gotta garner, you gotta bring him in your head and figure it out.


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[Assistant] It's like Russo. Russo. Yeah, Russo Sina. Russo Japanese.


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[Assistant] Oh, you thought it was like? They tended, the London stabbings kinda put it in my head.


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[Assistant] Oh, okay. Muslims love to just hop out. Stab? Really? Well that's cause they can't really get guns.


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[Assistant] London? It's a little stab. So yeah, they just hop out. Yes. Start poking. Get you a good one.


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[Assistant] Sorry, so the Chinese, this Sino got...


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[Assistant] Split the baby? Well, China won't. China, I don't think China fucks around. I don't think China's backing down, dude. India and Pakistan just did this, where they like killed each other a little bit, so then...


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[Assistant] I think India bombed like a Pakistani base. Yeah, Pakistan knew it was coming secretly so they just didn't have any troops in it. So then the Indian papers could be like, yeah, we fucking blew up one of their bases for it, call it even. And then the Pakistanis could be like, no one died.


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[Assistant] We might be catching up to them. Really? The fucking Sino? Sino's been on, dude, we're trying to get to what they're doing.


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[Assistant] So it's almost like instead of a police force they have bar captains?


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[Assistant] No, they always do. Soviet and communist countries, they love fucking committees.


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[Assistant] Maybe we don't even need that because we have Twitter. We got guys like our own friends being like, they said bad words again last week.


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[Assistant] Maybe we don't need it. Maybe we already surveil ourselves, dude. Maybe we are big brother.


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[Assistant] But you're not allowed to really honestly, well because of social media. It's risky dude. You're not allowed to be honest like that. No, you're not. Like for example, just in the last couple of weeks on social media like


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[Assistant] During everybody, you fucking better post a black square.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it's like, well, hold on. Maybe I think it's corny.


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[Assistant] You know? But there's that peer pressure, it's like I have to say something. You know? And then...


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[Assistant] Or, or you're in trouble and you can't say anything fucking against it.


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[Assistant] Regardless. Yeah. Or you're in fucking trouble. So no one's allowed to speak. And then it's like, even the fucking Delia thing.


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[Assistant] Cause I don't know anything, but the mob mentality of just crucifying anybody in three hours.


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[Assistant] You know, that's fucked up and if you speak up and say that, people are like, who the fuck? And then you're just, you're next. So people are just afraid to even...


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[Assistant] Kangaroo course are a little... Yeaah. I'd say yeaah.


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[Assistant] Like people defending Delia and being like, well, she was 18.


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[Assistant] Or so, like, whatever. It's like, she was 18 at the time, people were like, that's still fucked up. And I was like, I, you know, I got pornhub.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's also like, I get it, if you don't like somebody, you're eager to, like it's like I felt like somebody was mean to me when I thought they were going to mentor me. Yeah. So you're going to publicly try to...


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[Assistant] Literally try to ruin their life while it's like, wait, this isn't, don't do that.


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[Assistant] Don't like just use your little personal grudge to get back at people while you're allowed to. Yeah. It's fucking weird.


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[Assistant] Our head of files is for like, I believe like pre-pubescent.


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[Assistant] I was going to say francophile, but that's the French. Is it like sick-ass dude-ophile?


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[Assistant] It's like, well if you want a fucking 19 year old, you want a fucking 15 year old.


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[Assistant] It's really funny, it was this black dude in front of like all the, which this was kind of odd, it was a bunch of uh, like nurses and doctors out uh, protesting in front of the hospital about Black Lives Matter, they were holding up a sign. They weren't getting attention this week.


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[Assistant] The doctors and nurses, so. Nobody hunk? Nobody hunk? Black lives matter. And it's like, alright, dude, who's on the ventilators?


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[Assistant] Get upstairs, we got Nan's and Pat's croaking. True. And the occasional 15-month-old. So they all did Black Lives Matter signs, and I believe it was a black dude. It sounded like a black dude. And he drove by and he was like, Black Lives Matter? And they were like, yeaah. And he was like,


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[Assistant] What about the victims of black on black crime? And they're like, yeah, of course. And then one, one nurse like walked out to like take a knee in front of everybody, like while he was filming. She took a knee on black on black crime? She did start to take a knee. And then he was like, what about all the aborted black kids?