[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obama's were getting like real into Netflix and like Clinton was going after Facebook. Cause when, when Trump, when Trump dogs started like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Doing his thing, I think it was like the Obamas kinda went into Netflix and Clinton was like, well if I ran Facebook, started trying to get that started today, Facebook would become like a public utility. If dude, if Cliff the Hill dog got her hands on Facebook, that would be wild. But yea, Netflix like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was primarily like a sci-fi fantasy vehicle for a long time. If I'm not mistaken. And it morphed politically. Again, that could have been just to follow the taste of the market.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people don't though, that's the thing. Most people I talk to are like, I don't wanna watch this shit, this shit sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't dismantle the house with the master's tools, dude. Don't forget that. You know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we gotta, I read this shit at school. Dude, I have a class, uh, my summer class. Class is fantastic. It's just like, I go to the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the first two things are like on the top of the syllabus, like there's like an electronic syllabus with a bunch of like materials and stuff. First two things, the Ted Talk, I'm like, ooh, I wonder what this is about. I click it. And this is, this class is just trauma, it's about trauma with adolescents and teens and shit. So like this class is cool, I'll listen to a cool Ted Talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, what the fuck is this? Dude, I go, alright, whatever. They kinda like, are under pressure to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at black people on the wall, see? And it's like, dude, just be fucking cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be cool, let people in, and, you know, don't be a fucking dork. But, so then I open up the next one, and then I'm like, alright, what's this other TED talk? Click the other one, it was just, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something else about racism. It was just not racism makes us sick. It was just like how something else racism. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, man. Can I just read about the course that I, the stuff that I signed up to learn about? Like you don't have to put this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was even like the- I talked to some of the black students there and they're like, yeah, just weird, dude. They were constantly here doing the weird on us and I'm like, yeah dude, it's fucking bizarre.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And meanwhile it's like, well, if you guys are really-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you guys are really worried about like, social inequity, delete all your Facebook accounts, you guys are literally fueling the beast that's about to destabilize the entire working class and put you into like, eternal serfdom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Meanwhile, it's like how much time have you spent with the lads, dude? None. Get the fuck out of my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They try to build into my code of ethics, they try to do it, that you have to, the political action you take has to be in a way that addresses social equality, and if you're not doing that, you're failing to apply to the code of ethics. I'm like, dude, this is fucking like, this is like, I can't ever say the word, totalitarian shit dude, it's like, get the fuck out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's what, that, like, and if they're like, eh, you know, just, and however you interpret that, it's like, hit the fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically yea, in the ways that promote social jo-da-da-da-da. It's in the thing, and I'm like, dude. And meanwhile, it's like, the people, like the kids that I work with, you gotta be like kinda cool and kinda savvy. And if you're like a total fucking political tard, just going in, be like, well actually, it's like, they're not gonna listen to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm trying to- I'm trying to get- I'm in with the people, dude. And it's like you're trying to fucking string some bullshit political shit. It's like get that shit out of my face. I'm dealing with the soul, dude. I'm just not voting. You know what I'm saying? I just don't vote. Exactly. Wooo! Show me some- dude, I'm telling you, show me someone who's all- is as radical as I, dude, and I'll be like, yes. Well, Yang Man, I might come out of my fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my thing. I don't, it's like, what is your universal base income? Yes, dude. Let's do it. Really? Fuck yeah, dude. I always forget you're a complete socialist. It's not a socialist. Universal base income was, uh, Milton Friedman came up with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right. Free D is not aso- Dude, universal base income is the way it needs to roll. Or come up with ways where people can make


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But again, using their data, just you get a little micropayment. Every time Facebook uses your thing to do some other, to figure out some other algorithm, micropayment. Boom. That algorithm gets, it's just like a little pyramid. And everyone's getting paid and everyone's spending the money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, there's, so there's someone who literally, there's people who make money in the con, they literally make money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a bank that like, uh, time to make money. Yes. It's like the central bank and it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think for a second that they're just like fair, they're not like, well, even though we make money, it's like fucking having access to the bank and you're playing Monopoly in real life. You're telling me they're not sliding out $500 bills, dude? Yeah, why not? There's dudes that have credit cards that own credit card companies who can just swipe them willy nilly wherever they want. And it's like, I'll just erase that out of my computer, the fact that I just got all this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want people to see the game we're really playing at some point is a game. And it's like, there's people here making fucking money. And it's like, you're gonna be like, well we, if we like, give people a little bit of a thousand bucks a month, everything will be fucking fine, dude. All you need to do is eat and shit and sleep in a place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Separate the politician from the fucking policies, goddammit! Matt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love you. I don't care about yang. I just want universal base income. That's what I'm trying to explain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll vote him, I don't care. I-I-I'm separating the politician from the policies, dude. I'm not voting. This is from my- I'm never voting. This is from my idea. I will never vote. Go-don't. I don't ca-dude, and I-I know I'm not even saying it in a bad way, don't. I don't fucking care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People that don't want to vote, it's like, yeah dude, do you. If you're doing you enough to where you don't have to vote, you don't care about it, good. Congrats. That's a, that to me is a sign of maturity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hit me with the policies, dude. I don't care if they're cool or not. I don't give a fuck about what the politician does or if they're cool. Let me see what you're thinking of doing. If you don't have a plan, beat it, dude. I don't give a fuck if you, like, are young and a fu-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give him a fucking pin and a weird little carnival hat, dude. Pop him up there, a little auctioneer hat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fuckin' awesome. You get to fuck people up. I wanna make two, what do they call it, size? Like Raphael had? I wanna make two of those out of just bike locks, dude. Just take literally, invert one, drill through the other and have-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, as long as you have like, as long as you're kind of weak looking and have like a spindly little mullet and like a little weird hat and look kind of dirty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those guys can kinda get away with it, cause it's like, if one of those dudes socked you, you'd be like, aw dude, what the fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why do they break the bench? Dude, there's a, imagine too, if you're the fucking master of Ruski, so you're there, you're the head minister of Ruski Dome, and you're like, how can I destroy a nation? You're like, oh yea, what fucked us up?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Communism. You're like, I gotta get it into there and fucking have it destroy them from within. Think about it, dude. Think if- let that rattle around your fucking birdcage, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yup. Dude, there's people in my class that will say, compost the rich, and everyone's like, haha, nice. And I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a painting of, on the wall, there's an old park, it used to be like a catholic school, the building we're in. So there's a painting, one of them is a stigmata. Oh shit. And they're like, they wanna cover over that. She's like, we should cover that up, blah blah blah. What? They're mad, that's the fuck, they hate Christianity, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I sound like a nut right now, but they were literally, they were like, we should cover, the one lady, I think- We should cover it up? Margaret Mead, I think was actually like, had some like racist stuff she wrote, she was like an old like, pioneering social worker or something. So they were like, we should cover that up, and someone was like, yea, and there's a stigmata there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? If I was like, yo, there's some like weird looking fucking like Jewish lettering, I need to fucking run over that shit. People would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who? The libs. The extreme libs. They might be like, yea, let's cover that up. Yea, but the people, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The head, the head of Bremer would be like, wait, you're not covering up our fucking weird little Torah letters, dude. Bremer? Yeah, like nah. Exactly. If you're trying to like, no, I mean, if you're trying to like cover that up, it's run by mostly Jewish people, so you're not going to cover up the fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's out in the main line. So if you're going to talk about covering up Jewish letters. You want to mention Jays in a bad way? Exactly. You're going to get it. That's not even going to happen. When they're talking about covering up the stigmata, like, yeah, I mean, like, blah, blah, blah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's just Christian, dude. They were getting emails from the National Guard. We get emails from them. I fantasize like 10 times about joining the National Guard. I keep being like, I see that 20 G's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't be in a fraternity, dude. I couldn't know what might be. But, be that as it may, there was people, one person specific just being like, why are we even getting emails from the military? And it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Like they wanted to block emails from the military and cover up the stigmata dude. That's like, that's the wavelength I'm on with people where I'm like, you guys serious with this shit right now? Crazy dude. Like they're offended by an email from the National Guard or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it's like, I don't care if they wanted to co- if they just wanted to like, we're gonna cover all this and just paint some different shit, I'd be like, yeah, knock yourself out. But they're like, we need to erase the stigmata. It just bothers me. I'm like, are you that retarded that you're just kinda like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, over that though, there's people who got propagandized to the point where, again, also too, you cannot dis- you cannot


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea that there was dudes with tiki torches marching on a statue, I mean maybe they're real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To have like, get it up, be like, let's fucking do it again. You can, you can have people who are like, so you set it up so they're both there. They have provocateurs on both sides getting both sides fired up and throwing the first fucking bottle. People are like, fuck yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, what are they, what is going on? My thing is, I would love to be like, what's your prob, what's, uh, uh, um, but like, what's your fucking problem, man?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like, dude, people stop talking about it, people are like, oh yea, I forgot that happened. It's just like, it's a flash in the pan nature of our digital society, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was reading this book where they were like, coming out basically being like, you know, this is a book, it's The Coddling of the American Mind, and they were like, basically saying how like the universities, all this bullshit are kind of like going to the wayside and it's like kind of ruining education, but that guy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was like, yeah, but Trump dropped the ball in terms of not condemning white supremacists. And I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All you have to do is be like, it would be so easy to be in a press conference, I mean, again, I'm not, I don't have the pressure of the nation on me, but it's like, to be like, yea, if you're a white supremacist, you're a fucking dickhead, we all know this, but those guys who are like, throwing rocks at other people, he was saying there was people who were like, not like, Nazis who were there, also like, dude,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was, uh, dude, I was, again, when I was watching the interview with the honorable, my honorable teacher dude, Louis Farrakhan, he was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was talking about the Paula Deen incident, and he was just like, he's like, people want to get me all fired up about Paula Deen. He's like, wait, what are you guys worried about? There was a, a old white lady from the South said the N-word. And he's like, what are you, and he's like, they all want to act like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So she's caught saying it and everyone's act like she's the only person who was saying it for like 50 years and like away with her. And he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody's saying it down there. He's like, why, why, why freak out at her? He's like, why even get worried about that? He's like, that's so fucking dumb. And it is, it's just like a weird...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I don't know man, that's such a weird thing to concentrate the black and white battle into that word basically. Like a lot of the energy from that goes into that one word and they're like, she said it, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the way she's benched. That's the way they're gonna solve the like the real problems from like slavery and all that stuff. It's like, we'll just keep track of who says the n-word and fire them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything will be good after. It's like, dude, stupid. Yeah, man. Hit with the UBI, dude. Give everyone a GM month, dude. Come on, you Asian idiot. Give us some fucking- Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'll get to, he gets to debate though on the main stage. If you get 1% of the vote. He will drop out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He won't drop. You think he'll get dropped or he'll drop? Yang won't fold. He won't personally fold, but if he gets...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably why he's not gonna win. Sure that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, but in the age of the internet dude, if it, I don't know, it's like no one's gonna


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if someone, he even said, he goes, I don't expect to win at all. But he's like, if I even enter this thing into the discourse and have someone take the torch and hold it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, it just sucks. The bottom line is now, like, if you want it to walk around with a tiki torch, you can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy from Brazil is straight up like, if you're gay, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn dude. But by the way dude, 12-14.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in Asia, it's in Asia, dude. It's on the tip of, it's in a tiny island on Borneo. So it's like Malaysia and the South Chinese Sea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably easy to storm, easy country to storm. Bunch of monks. Probably tough though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or just fucking keep the statue and like here just update the info like this is what this guy did. Remember this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christianity elevates the good above evil, whereas most other religions hold them on the same plane of good and evil. You know, you can pick one or the other, but they're both, they're mirror images of each other. It's not like good prevails, it's like no, there's always good and evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they do. But in the end, but they don't put them on equal, it's like they're below, like, God's banished Lucifer, but the ancient duelists are like, they're just like the light and dark, and it's like they're in balance, and it's like, you know, it's not like one of the other, you know, I'm not, I'm like, I'm the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, Zarathustra, dude, that's my shit. That's what the Lord of Light's kind of based on. The ancient, like, dualist Christianity sects who got like the, uh, they got banished by Christianity. That's like what the Lord of Light is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Patreon, baby, we back on. Hit the fuckin' page, dude. People were wondering, they're like, is there anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did they give them fucking like, I will crush you accents? I don't know. They should have done American Russian accents, that would have been great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw my friend hit a blunt one time ago, standing, milky white puking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That must have been terrifying before people really understood radiation there, just like- Well that's what the best part is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that shit still fucked up now? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being like, man, I'll put a plywood up to protect this AC unit, and it's just like, it needs to suck in all that air, and it's fuckin' overheated and broke, it's like, things like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently it was rented, so it was like this, just a server room in this one building, and they said it was rented by government agencies, just, and you had to keep it like a certain temperature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, they were like, do not, whatever you do, cut, I'm being so careful not to cut power to this thing. And finally I draw, I like was cutting this thing down, dropped it, it was like conk. And I was like, I opened the door and it was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, imagine having, poisoning the world's water supply and having that fall on you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, don't build around the fucking ocean. I could have went in and been like, yo, this is too close to the ocean, dude. You guys have way too many prehistoric creatures fucking prehistoric creatures lurking in these waters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would've easily been on that team. Like, you guys have way too many, like, space age prehistoric monsters in these fucking waters, dude. You can't have a power plant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well isn't that like the plan now for America? Like generation five, uh, I think it's called like gen five power plans or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no facts, dude. Facts, facts are, only you can lie with facts, dude. No, apparently that's like the, that's the plan we're coming up with instead of like, you know, because we're going like solar and all that stuff and there's people, there's like this new,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nuclear energy, I forget what it's called, Generation 5, I suppose, something about it. There's like this crazy stuff to where like, this shit is made successfully, it's like we're all rocking free energy for like, you know, pretty much forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well apparently in prison you used to be able to have unfettered access to legal mail that like nobody could read. I knew a guy who was in jail and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got real fucked up on code. This guy, I was like, meet up with him, and he was like, he was like, yea, this one guy, I was telling him, my one boy, he's a pimp, and I'm like, what are you hanging out with pimps for, bro? And he's like, aw, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you doing? What are you doing? What have you been doing? This guy was like, he was significantly older than me and I had to be like, what the fuck are you doing man? And he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a dude who's like, who had like a thing where he would go away for like two weeks at a time. And he would tell his wife like, I'll be back in two weeks. And he's like, yeah, I'll just do coke and fuck hookers and come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I dunno, I might, I might, people get like appalled by it and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dude, someone called and was basically like, I found your cellphone. They called the cellphone and the dude picked it up and was like, yea I got your cellphone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, come on down here and get it. He was trying to blackmail him, and it was like going like a fucking heroin block down there, and it was just like, it was real fucking shady. He's like, where the fuck were you? I don't know, someone must have took it. And I was like, ehhhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the guy was like, give me 50, he kept, he was like a block away, like alright, I'll come, drop 50 bucks down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was something I noticed too, like, d'you ever like lock your keys in your car? I had this weird week when I was like 20 where I locked my keys in my car like three times. And I did it one time, I was in the hood on Lancaster Ave. I was like trying to like get into my window. So many people would just be like, I'll get in there for 20 bucks, and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I, I would call public safety from, uh, from Drexel. I'm a Drexel student and I would have them, cause like they won't come if you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't even a Drexel student at the time, but they won't come if you're, uh, you know what, maybe I was, but I was outside of the realm of the campus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you just call them and I'm like, Hey man, and they'd be like, where are you at? I'm like, actually I'm five blocks away. I'll give you 30 bucks. They have this wedge. They go boom, pop. They came to my car like three times. I'm like, sorry guys, I'm retarded. I had a cop deal with the slim Jim once. Yeah, I think so. They jam the wedge in and they pop the slim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love those honks dude. So fucking manly dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say a nice Trute movie, I'm like, any single time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that's something, I was telling my friend this today, that's something that like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never has it occurred to chicks it's like the reality of the possibility of getting cucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, imagine like, your kid's like 17, dude, and you just fucking find out- You married a Hua. Yeah, you find out, you gotta like break it to your kid, you kind of resent all the time you spent with him, and like, you hate this lady, it's like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't say that enough, dude. It's like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I was, well, that's crazy, I still can see the negative image of Shane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god dude, oh my god. That's BM dude, she's coming. I woke up buddy Mary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was crazy. This, this weekend, this weekend I was watching, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the night I was talking about earlier, Friday night, I ate a Keefee crawler, I was fucking super fucking loud.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it might have been that night. At a normal night, I'm afraid of Bloody Mary, dude. I have to like, I'm like a six year old. I like walk in the middle of the night to take a piss at three in the morning and I'm like, oh god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be like, look guys, I'm not out here to ruin your fucking apples, don't, I won't purposely like, fuck you guys up, just, do not sting me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, so I would be buzzing through, dude, it was like a fucking perimeter rotten crabapples and bees are just like hanging on. Yeah, they love that joke. I would just be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, it was in there for like fucking six days. We literally put a tiny capsule and buried it in sand, dug it up six days later. That thing hopped right away. I was like, what the fuck? I put it in the freezer. You ever put bugs in the freezer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't go to bed if I'm too high, or otherwise I wake up like, ugh, and like kinda freak out. So I'm listening to this thing, it was funny, I'm laughing at the fact that I was listening to this now because I used to watch a ton of Terrence McKenna stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know who he is, he's just like, real, it was a guy who came up with the stoned Dave theory, so you said that the other day, I was like, fuck you Shane, I haven't watched that. Earlier today, you stoned Dave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the Young Society. So I'm like, all my interests are just colliding in this three hour clip. I'm like, this is fantastic. So I'm like, before I go to bed, I'm like too high to late to go to bed. So I'm just watching fucking Terrence McKenna talk at the Young Society on my YouTube, just listening to it. I fell asleep and when I woke up, it was in that like, uh, kind of like weird sleep paralysis state.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No fucking bullshit. I just see his face, like a hollow, cause I'm like dreaming kind of awake. So when I wake up from that, I'll hallucinate things for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I'll literally wake up and hallucinate a thing for like five seconds and then it just goes away. So I woke up, see a talking face just like floating above my, where the light fixture is. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's, it happens though when I fall asleep and then wake up, I'll like see shit where I'm just like woooooo and it's gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it kind of happens while I'm awake, it's weird, like one part of my brain, it's kind of like a, uh, fuck, what's the animal? I think a seal, I'm gonna say? No, it's a, I think a whale.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whales and dolphins, I think one half of their brain sleeps at a time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they can't, they can't fully sleep while they're like doing that shit, so like one half of their brain sleeps and their own half of the brain and the other half sleeps and they kinda like- Nice. Yea, it's pretty tight. That's nuts. Yea dude. Every single organism sleeps. Huh. And like no one really, you know, people don't really know. Is that true?


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[Assistant] Apparently there's like, there's like breath techniques you can do to get yourself into that state where like if you have sleep paralysis your whole body goes like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you go into it, you have lucid dreams. If you can go like, fuck it, I'm going in, you start lucid dreaming. And you get into an inception loop where you wake up, think you're awake, you're not awake, go back to sleep, wake up, think you're awake, not awake, and you have like 40 of those and you finally wake up and you're like... That'd be so funny if Leo was bad at his job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have to- I'm kinda pissed I haven't gotten in a while. But I've been on a real steady- How many times have you had it? Dude, like a ton of times.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, some people get it a lot. Yeah, no, mine's irregular. Mine, if I, if I like do things, if I wake up early, if I like wake up early in the morning and go back to bed, I can get it real good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all I tell people. Yea, that's all I tell people, lose your dream. Wake up, wake yourself up at like 3 in the morning, splash water on your face, then go back to bed. Oh man. So, I'm gonna try to get back into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I've had them where you're in your room and you're awake and you're looking around and like you'll just see like a tiger and you're like, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I have, uh, dude, I mean, on May, what is it, May 21st, 2009, I'm in a Catholic Mass, I crumble communion into the wine, my mom's like, I'm with my mom, crumbling communion, there's a brochure that like, it's tel- it was actually funny, it was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The wine, at the church, they told you the wine was like a petite Syrah, so they're like advertising what kind of wine it is. But I was like, I can't sip it, it has the communion crumb. So I'm like, I'm looking around. I think I told you about this before, when I started like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got like, into like, I basically, uh, got entwi- entwined with like, the Pope, and we had a like, we started like, spying on him. Yeaah. We had like, uh, whatcha call it, the Iron Man jetpacks, and we're like, fly- I was flying with one of those, like, woooo, I get flying by his window, we like, land on the exact spot, and we couldn't land on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I woke up, I was in this garage that like I had seen before, and like had always been there, and I was like, oh yea, I remember this, and I was like, I don't remember, I was like, I kinda remember this garage. It was just like a half-built garage foundation, and then I just like woke up and was like, woah dude, crazy. Dude, if you write your dreams down, you can see you start having like, they start kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Happening after the fact. You'll like have a dream like a week ago and then something will happen that reminds you of your dream in a real weird way. We're just kinda like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going, dude. What is it? 48 pages. Holy shit, seriously?


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[Assistant] I get up and write for like four hours a day. I have like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have an easy like 400 pages of this random shit on my computer right now. Pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That Savage has opened up with a very strange sectioning. Oh man. MMF threesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's about two white guys, one's a soldier and the other's like a cool surfer but they like grow wheat and the soldier uses his soldier skills and like the cool surfer uses his like sick potnog skills, basically like me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was he the star of Alpha Dogs? He was the kid who got killed. Who was it? I don't even-


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[Assistant] Bro, I only know A-listers. Unless fucking Will Smith gets crammed by his fucking cheap Cherokee, I'm not gonna hear about it. Did you see him do stand-up? I thought he tried to do stand-up on the Fresh Prince one time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Be an open homosexual relationship. Is that on there? Yeah. Did you ever get into this stuff with him and like Jada Pinkett? Like he's secretly gay and she's lesbian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did a whole episode about Fresh Prince of Bel Air being like, just cause you're good at this doesn't mean you can do stand up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so mean, dude. It's fucked up, it's called blackmailing, black market. I don't like, I take all that stuff out of it.


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[Assistant] No, that's ridiculous. What? Huh? What are you talking about? Shane, or, Beezer's talking about Will Smith. I just wanted to say- How he shouldn't be up there doing Santa when he's a goddamn elite and he's part of the Hollywood gay mafia. You're an elite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said his dick was white privilege or something, or he said something like his dick is like something white people, blah blah blah. He's a hog.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The funny thing is, I work out, like, and I enjoy it, I go and work out, do all my stuff, and I just like laugh, I'm like, dude, I'll just never get rid of this, and I'm like, I am so, I definitely have, I mean, I took the ancestry and it said I had like a relation to Northern Ireland, like royalty. Right. Way back in the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea? I think you were down a whip at the time. I think I saw you, it was recently. Really? Is your whip down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was talking to someone the other day. Fuck man. I can't remember who it was. I was talking to girls about them. It was like a bunch of girls. They're talking about how they don't get like them not getting paid as much. And I'm like, it's got to be so funny in the back of your head all the time. You're like checking your salary. Am I getting paid less as I'm a girl?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He basically like, put up a thing about his set. He was like, I'm all for like, offensive jokes and all, but like, he's like, obviously check my set out at Roastmasters, but like, again, I'm not okay with fascists in my backyard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. You know that boy? Yea, I do know him. What'd he say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Start writing your dreams down. He just goes on a fire escape and he's like...


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[Assistant] He starts talking about like, you know, he's addressing the situation, but he looks so stoned. He's in the video and he's like, oh, fucking, uh, dude, I'm watching. I'm like, I can watch this guy talk for two hours about this. It was so fucking funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, the funniest part was him being like, obvious amount in politics, I'm too fucking stupid. It's just like solid fucking point, dude.


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[Assistant] Did he really? Yeah, he fired off a few. A lot of bullies came out. A lot of dillies came out hard on it. Good. Basically said, you know, same thing, just like, if you're censoring people, you're not a comedian. It's like, yes. True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah dude, that's a kind of, that's a very lot of overlap. Hardcore bikers and gay guys. Getting butt fucked. Bikers, bikers are gay. They'd be pretty gay to wear that much leather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just saying, I think I might have something to do with that. They hate me, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, oh shit, I was calling my brother an accident. I was calling, uh, I was thinking about, like, I was also thinking about, like, people who had them, and like, the extension of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is also like, you know, you might think like, you remember like talking about your aunt, like certain ancestors had slaves, certain didn't?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like literally, there was great great grandparents, maybe great grandparents of ours, not great great, who saw slaves and were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. If you hit a speed bump fast enough. Yeaah. Not a problem.


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[Assistant] And she's like, no, seriously guys, come on, you're being so rude, come listen to this, blah blah blah. And she was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry. That was the devil. She's stuck with it hard. She was like, guys, come on, guys, please, they're still gonna give a speech. I didn't mean to end the ceremony. Come on, guys. Okay, that's rude. Okay, look who's leaving. All the black people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freaks the fu- people like storm this da- it's funny too, cause like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the black people were so offended, they like, I don't know if they didn't know what to do with themselves, they started like storming the stage, walking out, and it's like, it's just like freaking the fuck out, dude. It was crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stop dude. He said it like that, and we were all like, what the-


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[Assistant] That's how I reacted. It's like, woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, at least he was showing me TikTok videos last time and scrutinizing my response to them. I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never gotten into like, America's Got Talent or anything like that. No, me neither, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is the way it is. I mean, uh, my brother dated a girl, she was in Louisiana, and when he went down to visit her, her entire family was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, yeaah. He took his shirt off and I was like, well I'm gonna, I'm, you know. Yeaah. I'd rather get a more consistent tan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, that was a different guy. But he still wasn't as big as you. He was more normal height. The guy that kind of picked me up and had a go at me in the basketball courts, like that was, he was very short.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, it was violent. Like the flipping and the lurching and all that. And then it was just more of the moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just in general, I feel like people are just like, fuck with me face or something. And body and temperament and shhh. For sure. Gate. Yea yea. Without a doubt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so that, I think that was like the first time I had a panic attack on it. And then I just started having panic attacks because there's like that sensation of, well, when I'm drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You feel that you're not really in control but you don't care? Yeah. And I feel like when I'm high it's just, I'm very aware of the fact that I'm not in control and I just start to feel like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't that I was afraid of him. I was overwhelmed with guilt. Because I wasn't doing anything with my life and he was working.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but what's fun about it is like you guys are gonna read it and then that also gets you fodder. Like Howard Stern, when he would read ads, it was amazing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to record it. I had like, I would tape record it and listen to it at night. Yea, when it was at school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anthony had Nazi attire, and then they had Patrice dress up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd rather do it though. Have you ever thought about getting back on the horse? Yea, yea, cause I've been off booze, like, with the, uhm, recent, you know, sorta arthritis flare up, I, uh, got off booze. So I figured that's gotta be adding information. For sure, for sure. And I do feel better, but I, uh, you know, I miss that sorta thing at night. You know, just like having a little... Little inebriation. Yea, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Golf. And I watched Tiger highlight, like old Tiger. He's good dude. My god, did he have a good weekend? I ordered a Tiger Woods hat. That's awesome. Tiger hat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just wonder, really honestly, what I would have done. What, around Hitler? No, around, uh, the time of the revolution. I'd have been like, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unreal, because they were getting pushed all the way back through New York. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well the, uhm, if anybody's in the interest, the Civil War documentary, that's the really famous one. Burns? Yea. Yea. The guy who narrates that, David McCullough, is a historian himself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they, Washington just gets pushed back from Staten Island in New York and tries to escape out to Jersey. And when you're listening to it, it's like, how did we win this thing? Just get beat like crazy to start.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was a pitcher in Little League, so it was coach pitch and then the first kid pitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was deadly. I made the Lulig All-Star game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the next year I just got lit up.


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[Assistant] And when you look at the footage of me throwing a ball, the reason I think I was so successful was I was accurate, but I was just throwing like a crescent moon. Cause I was throwing them so slow. Everybody was coming up very cocky.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. I think they just got... Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Frisbee is good. I mean, O'Connor, he played lacrosse and so he's like, uh, very athletic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What an athlete. He's got good speed. No, O'Connor's definitely an athlete. Yeah, yeah, you can tell the way he runs. So, I was having trouble just like, leading. He's a few inches taller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was great, cause I just like throw it as hard as I can and just run after it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just don't think Frisbee should get the bad rap that it does. Cause to me, it's like, I love catching pop-ups and it's like catching a horizontal pop-up. You're like tracking the ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shoes are on. Okay. It feels great, man. I was telling Shane when we got started, just like, uh, I've been playing sports. I mean, not serious, you know, golf and, uh. Yeah, yeah. You've been hitting golf balls. Nice. Going to the range. Yeah. They got one right there in Fairmont Park.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. To me it's just, I need that mental game. You know? What do you mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, uh, talking, or if she really likes it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Woah, what? It currently is just very vanilla sort of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. What'd you say? We had discussions about this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say it all. No, I like it going, so like on top, kissing, hand up there, you know, doing some cradling. What cradling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god. There's this, uh, girl that I was seeing. This was back when I was at my comedy peak. Oh yea. And I was at all sorts of confidences. That's what it's about. She was beautiful. And anyway, she was just, uh, in her panties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was on top and just like, you know, uh, giving me a panty job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that just try humping? Well yea, so she's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't had that. Oh, I thought you did. I would like to stuff panties inside. Did it just get quiet here? I think the air just shut off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that depends though on the type of person. It's a tailored dirty talk. Because some people are very turned off by the word pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I felt sexy as fuck. It's funny. You, you, honestly, this is the thing I know. Shane does not get my sense of humor. Oh yeah, I know. Yeah. Sorry. You're attacking me. Uh, what did I want to say? I totally forgot. Oh yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just boring, like we just go down this hole and then I gotta try and like, you know what it is? It's that I'm gonna be, I'm gonna have to explain my thought process and I don't even really know it. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think we clicked as well and then I still tried to, you know, like, uh, have sex with her and then I felt bad. I don't like, I don't like doing the breakup thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's wild, yeah. When did that decision happen? Who said it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't text ya, he text ya, I dunno. I thought I called you. Oh, maybe you did, I dunno. I don't remember anything. But the uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, probably. But yeah, so what happened was the first day we went out, every, like the other team had like uniforms and cleats. Yeah. And so then I got cleats for the next one. And if, I hadn't run in cleats for a while. So I was up the bat and then I basically bunted to the third, to third.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, but if you, if you, uh, foul out, if you have three fouls, you're out. So I had two fouls. So I was like, I just need to get this in play and I could beat it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, so a little bit more than a bunt, I push it, you know, to third and I take a huge step to first and then the cleat, you know, grabs and I just go James Brown. You dug it out too hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That takes a while to come back. And then it was like, at that time I was in this modern dance class at Drexel, just like try, cause it was like two credits and it was a fit in for me to graduate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on crutches and she still had me like, do movements in the back of her class, this is stupid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I did like that. I also had this other piece of news I thought was potential fodder for whatever. But, uh. What news you got?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It came out that the Russians had, uh, had like a plan to create a black revolt in the U.S. Oh yeah, yeah. You don't think we've covered that? Oh, you covered it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it is interesting that they're not advertising it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were good when they came out. It's really hard to get rid of bad stuff that's going on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well my position is that, uh, appeals to the supernatural is what I reject. And the reason for that, okay, and that could come in different forms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you're saying, so the, the idea that there's an ingrained thing in me that I can't escape. But I think we do escape that constantly. We kick away the evolutionary ladder insofar as using protection when we have sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, cause your argument is that there's an ingrained thing in me that I can't escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, wait. Don't go to the DFI thing. I just want to disagree with the premise. What's the premise?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I lost my train of thought there. I guess, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, the general idea here though that you can't escape this idea of, like, you're saying it has to be a deity, and what I'm saying is that you can escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In particular ways, like good explanations are hard to vary, bad explanations are easy to vary. One of the reasons that the supernatural appeals to God is bad is because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can vary it as it has been done with Poseidon or this god or any different type of god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in general, my problem is when you appeal to the supernatural, and this could also be, it doesn't have to be religious, it can be scientists do this, when they would say, there are some things we'll never understand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right? So there's an appeal to a supernatural thing that there's things that we'll never understand. That you're essentially putting a bubble around human knowledge. So it's like the Truman Show where there's just this limit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the problem with that is that everybody is going to claim to have hit that limit at some point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if they're in power, then you're in trouble. That's the end of progress. Sure. And so that, that's again why I would say that my position is I just reject appeals to the supernatural.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, sure. Can you clarify what supremely objective we mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I think that that's a bad, I think that that's a bad way of going about it, that people do nowadays. That they're like, that, yeah. That they think philosophy's dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they think science is this, this thing. That is infallible. When really the whole thing of it is that it's fallible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is a thing. Yeah. And I agree with that, but that's not my position. You're OG popper. Yeah, yes, yeah. You're a popper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It claims certain truth. It claims the final answer about the world. It knows where the edge of that bubble is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't think that's fair to say that. They're not chill. I mean, we, we have the separation of church and state here and we're doing pretty good. Do we?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Communism, but again, communism is another example of somebody claiming to know certain truth about the world. It said, how do you organize political and economic institutions? This way. It's perfect. You cannot challenge it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then of course what happens, right? Cause they'd say, this is gonna lead to a utopia. If you want to challenge utopia, you're getting in the way of it. So then what do they do to you? They kill you or they put you in a work camp. So there's appeals to certain truth, or final knowledge is what I'm just- Oh, for sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's changed recently. And- Keep him out. David Deutsch, I thought, made a great point about this. What did he say about it? He said that, well, he would agree with the general idea that we, you know, we want to create as many Western minds as possible. Immigration is a great- Oh, that's where you get dangerous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a, the immigration, the best way to do it, but critically, we can't hate ourselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in the West, we cannot be so self-loathing lest we're not able to, uh, convince people of like the benefits of this culture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's where I would disagree with that, just philosophically. Which is that that locks in our current state of knowledge and then just runs the clock forward with population and wealth growth. But the whole thing is that you don't know


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't predict future knowledge. And so people have done this a lot. Thomas Malthus was the first. And then this other guy, I forget, in the 70s, he wrote a book called The Population Bomb. I think it was Ehrlich. And he said, there's no way we're gonna feed all these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Norman Borlaug was a scientist that figured out how to create a genetically modified wheat crop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The three billion westernized minds coming on board would be the greatest thing to ever happen on the planet. Because all the problems that you are articulating would probably be solved by them. The only thing that we know in this universe that's capable of solving problems is humans. And we know how that happens is through trial and error correction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there are cultures that explicitly inhibit that through corruption,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's where we want to inspire our culture to understand what makes it great, so that there's not so much self-loathing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well let me ask you this, like, so would you want somebody here that was like, uh, you know, uhm, that told you there's certain things you couldn't say, or told you there's certain things- You mean like, every fucking person I encounter? Here! Exactly!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is, it's really upsetting to see when you see that because there is an incredible thing going on here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so what the fuck dude? You know what? You're totally right. I think that, and maybe that's not fair, that position I'm taking, it's just that I think that what I'm, this is the only way I'm rationalizing in my head, is that this general idea is so important, I think, that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, if, if it's going to be immediately associated with something that other people associate with racism, even if that's wrong, I'm just like, oh, no, that's what this school does with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, there's people of all different races. I can name, you want me to start naming black people to think like this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucked that up so bad. It was more the coach Corey Wayne shot did wrong. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over pursued and then like I got, I got into this thing where she was going to be like not available for a month. So then I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trying to push. I was just like, you know, I think I like you more than you like me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but anyway, she was really cool, and what happened with her though, is in China, in order to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, she's really good at it, that's what she wanted to be. When in her province, you have to take a test, and only the people that scored like the top ten out of this massive province, go to the school for math that she wanted to go to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, she scored 11th and then so she got assigned to study.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For Shakespeare something or other and then switched to math while she was a temple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. And that's what I'm saying, like yeaah, certainly America is not perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's just like, alright, I missed out on that. That mine, there's another one gone from that stupid...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I, I think, I, I, I, I'm becoming more concerned about that, especially as like my niece and nephew get older and they're like, they're learning on their own.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they're gonna go sit in a class and be forced to listen to stuff that they don't care about. I just think it's like, uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess technically I'm not Jewish because my mom was Catholic. She converted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. What's the gog? You ever been to the gog? Of course! What do you do? I mean, it's just like any other service.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'm not, I don't, like I said, I'm probably culturally Jewish in that, you know, the complaininess and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, read a passage from, in this case, the Old Testament. And then, you know, there's a, I forget what it's called, but there's sort of like a breakdown of what it means. And then there's an application to something that's going on in current events.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, I was a believer in God until I think like my mid-twenties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. Then I started taking more interest in religion, and then... Because you're just like, what the fuck do they believe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a line, it was the same Harris book, cause he said, cause it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I have to assume that's like a book name. I don't like the way I said that, but. True. Given.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it would be a convenience thing. You know, and so his, what he was talking about, cause it felt good. So if I was on a plane and be like, please God, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think so. I, I, I, I do believe that there are inbuilt things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, yeah, it was that one line where he was just like, cause it feels good, but he's like, it would also feel good to believe that you had a massive, a diamond the size of a fridge buried in your backyard. But if you went around believing that people would just be like, you're crazy. Even though it would feel really good to believe it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dawkins has a very caustic, like he's, he's arrogant and condescending to people. I don't agree with that tactic. And I don't think that people who believe in religion are stupid. Most are way smarter than me. There's, you know, there's different areas of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, intel, it's just, just because you believe this thing doesn't mean that anybody's stupid. And so yeah, I don't, I don't agree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no question that there are great teachings in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no question there's great teachings in it. When I talk about utopia, I'm just trying to use an example that's like, um, uh, without a gray area, more black and white. So just, just to show what that necessarily leads to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, just more now. Now. I mean, like, people can operate, religious people,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like, like it happens in this country, operate with western values. So it's like, you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did when I was bar mitzvah though, cause I was very, you know, very short. I had, you have to carry the Torah around and people have to kiss it. They have to take their book, their prayer book and they have to kiss it. And I was like having trouble holding it. It was like a big commotion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you what, podcasting is really difficult and you guys make it incredibly easy. You guys are very good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we don't even have to call it that. Let's call it just something else. Let's just say, hey, principles of checks and balances are really important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well yeah, I think that these ideas are the only ways that we solve problems moving forward, and that's gonna take the most amount of people out of suffering. So of course I love it, and I want it to spread to the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it's a simple sentence. I bear witness that there is no deity except Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Shahada is usually recited in Arabic, which I can't speak.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of, sorry, that other thing, it was the locker room shot, high school football team, classic HBO, tons of dicks. High school boys dicks. On HBO, no problem. Dude, I'll tell you, finally, HBO has been inclusive about penis size.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Think so, that was like, was that the real one where they did like the like down on the avenue?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I jerked off to it once. It was probably real sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was pimps. I think it was Pimp the Doc. I think it was similar to that. Yeaah. It was like pimps at the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yea, that guy. The guy that made Pete Davidson apologize to him? Is he definitely, is someone invested, like I need to see eye charts on that dude. I hear you. He's just too good at timing for an eye patch, fucking politics. He's too good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, did you watch, did you watch the uh, did you catch the debates? I haven't watched the debates yet. Have you seen someone in the fallout with like people, did you hear like Kamala Harris lied about listening to Tupac in college?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had 122 counts, that's his boy. And then he goes, oh no, no, he was with me on this, on my movie set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, dude. I'm back on my rolling up the pedophiles bullshit. I've had enough. I've had enough of these guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, Sprite was like, obey your thirst, obey your thirst is close. That's right. Gatorade is like quench. Mhm. I'm gonna go ahead and say defeat. Defeat your thirst? I'm gonna stand my ground on this. I don't think they had thirst in there at all. I think it's just quench. I think they're like, quench. I think that's way out of line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm still stuck on stupid dude. On what? I'm still stuck on stupid. What do you mean? I'm still stuck on Polanski. I had no idea. Did you guys all know? Is this common knowledge?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well also, if you wanna, if you wanna like, pet her undisturbed, you gotta kinda kill everyone you know. So like, hey, what are you up to? You're like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, Polanski wrote- ran away, wrote an autobiography, and to this day, he's like, young chicks are hot, get over it, fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brought him next door to my house. I was like, alright, that's enough. And I got, yea, I got bucked off a horse in like, 97. Where?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jackson and AJ. Jackson had a couple of duels. Who?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, you know, Tom was like, let me buy these and the guy was like, fuck outta here, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my deal. Whatcha gonna do, brother? He's hitting you up on Craigslist? This guy rules. I might go check him out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, now if you go, they took off Rants and Rays and they took off the Personals, so now they have Craigslist Community. Just dudes like, looking for a short R on top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the fake news tries to connect Trump to Epstein, be aware of this. Trump is NOT in the flight lobby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spade told me that the older ones trick the younger ones and make them make bad decisions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spade made me, dude, they can't get me either. Spade's crazy, you're like Yoda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a big ass party and they just started fucking swarming down the street. Smashing cop windshields and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not healthy, bro. It's not healthy. It's all good. No, it's not. I turn on, I turn on fucking, what's that show you make fun of me for watching?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wrong. Debunked. So this is what I want to- That was the one lesson I got at West Point. Was we took a whole class on how the F-16 is better than the AK. There's a dude that came in and was like, there's a reason we're still using this gun. From Vietnam. I mean, if it was better, we would be using it. It's because it's perfect. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just so many of them that it actually hurts. Ah! There's a billion of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, cause while I'm in LA, uh, I'll be at the Gay Mexters and he told me you and me can do a cast. He's got a mic, he's got Gay Mexters. He's our technology daddy dude. Yea dude, he's a guru.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so the last we left off, I believe, and I was listening so intently that the last thing was Bill Clinton signed off. Yeaah, that's what I wanna get into. That's what we left off on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's verified in private. You don't see that too often. You have to get a... I requested her, she never accepted me to Ray Channel for listening to this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, once you hit 10k followers like I am. You have 10,000 followers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sent two young baes to my show in Phoenix, which I thought was 21 and over. That's what I thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How old were they? I would assume it was 21 and over. It was a comedy show. They were doing their job, yea. Got some pictures with these girls afterwards. They tagged me in their story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I followed back. Sure. As you would. As you would. Take a look at that bio. High school. Oooooh. Watch out now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you were, you were, the robots, you were sent from the future to kill, whatever I was saying. How crazy is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll delve more into the Passat. I think we need to delve. Let's finish this off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Part of my squad did no, no, no. Part of my squad did not delete the picture.


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[Assistant] Let me know, cause I'm gonna have a dude with a blue check mark take down that picture right now. Are you really? Who is it? Name them. No names. Dan. Witch Hunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, this whole big building. Jeff fuel don't melt steel beams. Exactly. They hit you with these, but this is, you're getting propagandized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has there been a disaster or like incident in our history that wasn't orchestrated?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever, did you ever try to blow them up with like a UL van full of, uh, fertilizer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, how many feet, how many feet was it? This happens a lot at embassy bombings. The bomb goes out off outside and it blows off the face of the structure, which is kind of what happened in Oklahoma City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it does look like an embassy explosion where it's a car parked outside that explodes and the face of the building is gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, sorry. No, that's fine. We got- No, that's wild. That's- that's a- We're getting close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A bunch of piglets standing outside like, this is unfair! Unreal. I saw the images of that and that was, that was hard to watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I wanted to do. What? A while ago, I was hard, I was like. What? The Chaney impression. She's like, you're gonna become crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, just like real quick. Anyway, let's, uh, we're getting close, huh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait till you see what we become. That's what I'm saying. Exactly. You let me Trojan horse this thing. Wait till you see what we become. I could be the new Donald Trump. I could be the entertainment industry Donald Trump. Who's that fat retard? What's that fucking moron doing? Oh, he can't be stopped? Exactly. Whoa, he can't lose? Watch out. I'm telling you, we're rolling in, we're moving in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How great is our God? Oh my God. And, and, how great, how great is our OBX trip gonna be with our family? When we all have six families, bogey boarding, having fun, laughing, dogs, I'll probably fall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about the girls cast? All children of famous actors and actresses. They're all children of famous people. It's true. No, it's true, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that money bragging we did was so funny. When? When I money bragged about the shoot I just did. Oh, dude. Money bragging is so fucking funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I money bragged and then felt like a fucking pussy. Nah, that was good. Shane got paid yesterday bro. I got fucking guap this week. Shane got paid bro. I got 13k this week. Come on bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scared money don't make money. Scared money don't make money. Exactly, dude. Exactly. I'd rather die in these streets, dude. I can't wait to die in the streets. I'm definitely dying in the streets. I'm definitely gonna collapse on the way out to a hot car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now it'll be like the, uh, what was that Indian, uh, cult out of Oregon? You gotta wear an all orange sweatsuit. If we see you in an all orange sweatsuit down in the OBX, you are a dog, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, thank you guys so much. Wow, I won't be back. Oh yeah, we're gonna try to do a remote cast. If not, dude, you gotta keep carrying the torch. I'll keep carrying bro, I'm gonna get to you. Let's shout out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Butterly, so butterly, so butterly, so butterly, so butterly, so butterly, so butterly,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? I'm gonna settle this right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pissed Americans with guns, respect. Yeah, that's better. There we are. That's the best thing you can be. Send them in. Pissed Americans with guns, get shit done, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what Pogporn's all about? They're just, I thought they were fat ass white girls, but they're really just fuckin' pissed Americans with guns. It's all it's about. It's all it's about. Yeah, I should've watched further in. Dude's probably like, I love your fucking, the fact that you exercise your consensual rights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very little, like, uh, concessions.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, like, uh, her boyfriend would just bring a bunch home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember, the one I remember watching was, uh, remember, uh, the guy who got his dick cut off, John Bobbitt, like he made a porn and that kind of got passed around the family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, when he got his dick cut off, like one of the cops had the gumption to put it in a cup of ice. That's fucking- Like they found it on the side of the room. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gotta ice this dick. Dude, that should be like a red cross first aid qualification standard. Ice in a dick? Like the instructor just throws a dick in the middle of the floor like, what do you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was she into it too, or did he just go, assuming that she would follow along with it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like relationship, like knowing that like, okay, he's going to drop out of school. They're going to be together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing creates discontent like somebody who's preventing you from being able to beat off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no. Damn, let's see, what else is there? Four of you. Four of you. Now you're a great guy. When, I would say, early 2000s, my dad put a sex swing in the basement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He put it in there and I like, I went down there and he was working at his workbench and I was like, dad, what the fuck is this, man? And he looks at it and he's like, oh it's for your niece. It's like, she's not swinging inside, we have a park a block away, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Regards to freak shit, my wife has been begging to eat my ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I won't let her. You smell what's doing down there. Like I'm unloaded in this fucking room and this is a daily occurrence for me. I'm thinking about her health and I refuse to let her and she keeps saying it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just so much to work with here. Like, I don't know, I really haven't planned that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to get some pictures, that's all I want out of it. You know, and that's, you know, maybe a video and we'll see where it goes from there, but odds are it's not going to be something that I just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a dry run, like, I've recorded porn twice. I've recorded it twice, and I didn't s- well I did speak, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You couldn't hear what I was saying just because I was conscious of wanting to view this again later because I would hate the sound of my own voice while my beautiful wife is doing these ungodly acts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody who no longer is at my job emailed a co-worker to say Mike should watch what he's posting on Facebook because it would be a shame if administrators got a hold of this. And the thing, the screenshot he sent was in regards to me eating my wife's pussy because I ate her pussy one day with stuffy nose and I said I felt like I was literally drowning in pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but this person was clearly out of their fucking mind, so in his mind it was just like, I got him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he, when he did that, he sent that to a coworker. And when the coworker sent me this, I immediately unfriended him. Cause I, it's gonna be just, he's gonna line him up and then he's gonna present him when like he really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, fortunately that's been the end of it, although he's been emailing her some pretty threatening shit too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just this guy, this guy who left and actually like it got to the point where like he was threatening suicide so she had to call authorities to like get them to go over to check on him. Like this is a deeply disturbed person who's not only threatening to kill himself but is threatening to, to turn over my pussy files. To bring you down?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, that's the move of the weak person. This is like, these are generations of people who have gone without any consequences for anything. So...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys like us, if somebody has a problem, we'll confront them about it, whereas like these kind of people, they're, they don't have that within them, so it's just like, I just gotta get them and this is the way to get them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The common thread for people like this, they're just completely unremarkable and it kills them that somebody is a reflection of what they want to be. And every time that they're reminded of that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, they gotta end it, and right now it's just so easy to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it would never, it would never occur to any of us because we're actually good at shit. But you can tell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The weakest amongst us will always do it. Like, I had a guy in my work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't go this far, but like, this guy was just always a fuckin' turd, and like, he mentioned something like, when it became, when, when the pilot for Delco got picked up, this is what made me do this, but he mentioned like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, man, he's like, you said some pretty wild things, I know. I don't follow you on Facebook, but people tell me. I was like, oh, okay. So like, at that point, I knew he didn't have access to Facebook, so I just went on Twitter. Know how you can word search things?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My favorite one was like, it was like anybody who's against the use of the R word, the N word, or the F word must not have the Bravo channel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know who Shane's would be, but you two guys like, who is like, when I say like, if, if you could fuck somebody up on site, one person, who's the first person that pops into your mind?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's, uh, Dago College Superstar, which means he's got a mom who does nothing all day but sit home while his dad works in finance and, and, you know, bankrolls the whole thing. So this was her identity forever. So now she's got nothing because now he's probably made the leap in the finance, so she has nothing left but to put on Villanova sweatshirts every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then when nobody's around, she gets super sad and puts on the Eeyore sweatshirt. Tell me about her mom. His mom. So now, now it's the perfect...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Eeyore personality fits her now because now she's not the toast of the town anymore. She's feeling pretty bad about herself. So now is the time for Matt McCusker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To send her a text. Saying, hey Mrs. Nardy, you probably don't remember me but I ran into you at a game and you know, you were super nice to me and I just wanted to say that kindness goes a long way. And she'd say, I don't but thank you honey for sending that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that opens the floodgates for you to continue the conversation further. I guarantee you three weeks down the line, you're gonna be fucking her. She's gonna have the hoodie on while you're fucking her. And that's the time for you to take the picture and then send it to Nardi.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But dude, how, how great would it be to see your mom getting railed by, not only by a teenist, but while she has her sweatshirt on too, pulled off, stretch mark, stretch mark, gun, exposed, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, actually today it would be the guy that was talking shit to you on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I told you, I think I texted you guys about this, but like, a couple days after everything popped off, one of the ringleaders that was tagging journalists, uhm, on Facebook, I said, when I see you, I'm gonna break your jaw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And roughly three days later, um, I got an email from a mutual friend of me and this person said, Hey, can I give you a call? And this guy's, he called me and he's like, Hey, how's it going? And then he's like, listen, I gotta get to this. He's like, this might be the most uncomfortable call I've ever had to make. Um, I've been asked to call you to ask if you're really going to beat him up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Maybe then, if you have to go that far, you probably shouldn't talk all that shit on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he said that, I said, uhm, this person, uh, touches kids. Let's see, I can do this too. It's really that simple. Like if you were to throw this out, another person can say a similar


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the crazy, and you actually mentioned this before, like, I think, I think it was just the time to be like, uuuh, you know, here's my moment. But also, like, you mentioned this, Tim, and that, like, in their world, people that have never had confrontations take an aggressive word as assault.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You know, in their mind, it's like, I was assaulted, even though I might've said just like, some innocuous comment busting balls. Where it's like, you know, this culture, they don't know how to bust balls. They don't get that, like, if somebody says something mean about your hair, you say the same thing back. About them having fucking fat tits or something like that. You know, it never occurs to them. They just go home and they'll just write poetry all night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't, no it's not. Shut the fuck up about it. You, you need things to keep you in check. Going back to like the on-site question, there was one guy that was my on-site forever, but within the past 10 years I reconciled like, I got, I got-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I got socked by a 16 year old when I was 13, and I harbored resentment for years, but the reason why I got socked is cause like I went away with the family, they were kind enough to take me on vacation to the Poconos, and during the two week trip, the dad beat the shit out of the mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And as soon as I got back, I couldn't wait to blab about him unloading on this chick. And I did, and I thought it was cool because I was saying something that people were paying attention to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Tim, devil's advocate here, like everybody on that bus likely had a resentment because I guarantee you there was a 300 pound woman blasting a little wing from her phone eating handicaps hot fries at 7 o'clock in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know what Matt, even like that conversation was probably enough to get him to think twice again because he probably didn't have that, have another man look him in the eye to say what you did was fucked up and I wanted to do this to you just so you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want to say something really nice to you. Like Tim and I, like I just started training at Tim's Jiu Jitsu place after being at another place for two and a half years and getting to see my friend three times a week on a regular basis really has made me feel good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, even on the Matt and Shane Facebook, uh, group, that I fucking love by the way, it's like, it's constant picking each other up, piggybacking off one another, being nice. It's the only Facebook group where I've ever seen people being nice to each other, 99.9% of the time. Pennsylvania going, wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, saying something nice about dogs, shout out Andrew Pace, who held it down throughout the whole thing. He fucking, throughout the whole thing, not one person got, well, there wasn't one blank in the armor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It slept, it slept, it slept, nothing slipped through the cracks during that whole time. He held it down, there wasn't anything. Watertight dude. Yes, we were watertight. Hell yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, on that note, uh, pretty soon coming up is, uh, Sopranos Con, and you can buy levels of access, and each one is like a certain level of, uh, of, um, rank in the mafia. Like, conciliary is like 300 puc- 300 bucks plus VIP access.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. I guarantee you, Nordy's mom will be the first one in line at Furio's booth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you just- Matt, you just became the Podfather.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I think if any of the- all the dogs that see him at the show should lay their hands on his knee.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A poker game with no chips on the table, it makes me wonder a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice. Yea, tailgate ran a little late. Kickoff started. I didn't get it quite finished.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I would be surprised if anyone differed with that viewpoint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is doing things that other presidents didn't have the nuts to do, he is doing. Okay? It's not always popular with most of the people in the United States.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that wasn't. I have to explain. I had, uh, prostate surgery and, uh, part of that is called incontinence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So alright, back to, back to President Trump. It just happened to be a very sensitive strobe or whatever it is. Black light. Black light.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's send it to China. Alright. How much do you love Trump right now? Uh, he's good. I just don't like the way he acts on social media and his texting and whatever else he does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd die for any president, even Obama, even Carter, even Clinton. And I didn't like those guys, but I would do it for the country. Even Clinton after what he's done to those kids at Epstein Island? I don't know exactly what was revealed there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should have been a stand-up comedian, but, uh, I had a family at a young age and, uh, I couldn't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what Trump would say. Trump would have called me, I'll go there.


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[Assistant] But I still rooted for him. I wanted him to be a very good president. Of which he let me down.


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[Assistant] I thought he did okay. You didn't do anything. He lowered his handicap in golf. He vacationed all the time.


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[Assistant] Trump golfs all the fucking time. Yea, but guess what? He owns a golf course. Alright? That's a good argument. Thanks. To hell.


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[Assistant] He constantly works. You look at him on Sundays, he's in a suit coming off a plane. He's working. Constantly he's working. He works hard. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't swear. Do you drink? Once in a while.


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[Assistant] The younger generation. You didn't do shit. What did you do?


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[Assistant] Not far from Lake Erie. I didn't know it was that close. It snowed constantly. It was freezing. It was terrible.


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[Assistant] You never shot a- They would run at me, with self defense, twice. I put my hands up, threw the rifle down, they still came.


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[Assistant] No, I did. I should, I shot 13, I used to go deer hunting. Nice. Yep. Got some


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[Assistant] I would have had that red cross on going out and just... You would have been helping people. Medic! That's what I would have done.


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[Assistant] Uh, so, no, I said, would you please address our haters?


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[Assistant] The uh, the uh, the listening ship has been lacking considerably. If it's not for...


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[Assistant] Some of the people that Shane knows, I don't want to name names because I don't want to embarrass you. Anyhow, we need to step it up. The podcast needs to do better? Yea, it does. It needs to be better. I asked you to address the haters, all you did was talk shit on us. Oh no, I can understand the haters. I'm sure one of them.


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[Assistant] You're just fucking around. Now it's actually all business, dude. All fucking business.


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[Assistant] Well, there's, there's gonna be lots of, oh, I got my, um,


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[Assistant] I got my, my sleep tent. It was, as soon as I came home, it was in the door. I'm gonna set that up. That's gonna be tight, dude. I'm gonna have an absolute nap chamber. I'm gonna sleep over there. Dude, I'm setting it up tonight. Absolute sleep chamber. It's gonna be tight. It's gonna be for good for like, uh, daytime naps. Just fucking zip that thing up. I need it, man. I fucking need total darkness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It's pretty crazy. Seven hours, dude. If you get just seven hours for seven days straight. I wonder how much I got last night. Oh, dude. Probably went to bed at like four. Oh, Jesus. Woo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, so you're there offering your blow. How do you turn it down? You're like, get that shit out of my face.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good move. I used to sell coke and I used to tell people, I never did it in my life. And they would be like, here's a lot, they were like, as soon as they got it,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny, when people buy coke, they typically do it immediately after they buy it. Yea, of course. It's definitely, they're definitely like the people who wear the shoes out of the store or the drug market. It's like, they put it down and it's like done as fast as they can. Oh yea.


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[Assistant] They'd always lay a line out for me. I'm like, ah, nah, dude, if I do this, I'll go home and like snort all my coke.


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[Assistant] I love Coke so much, dude. Like, yeah, it's the best. I'm like, yeah, dude, alright, I'm gonna leave, see you guys. It sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never did it. It's not great. Told you, the only time I ever felt, and again, this could have just been in my head when I was, I was bagging it up when I was, fucking youngster bro, I was like 19, and I got it all over my hands and I was eating pizza.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I fucking ate it. My mouth felt all numb. The pizza guy is named Horsehead. We used to tip him and coke him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He would come, we would tip him a coke, we'd order the pizza, and then we'd be like, here's like, he'd be like, oh thanks dude, thanks dude. Yea, you were probably giving him a coke and a coke, how much coke were you giving him? I don't know, we'd just let him snort coke, he'd be like, here you go dude, here you go horse head. Like here you go horse head, he would come, he would come in, he'd be like a big ass horse head, a fucking earring, he was like, oh what's up guys, what's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still never did it in my life. That's one of my, but I did get a shitty tattoo, so you can't dodge them all dude. Yeah, true.


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[Assistant] Well I'm, I'm, it's not that, I'm just terrified of stimulus.


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[Assistant] Don't like it. But that's what I, a lot of the ecstasy, a lot of it was cut with speed, so I was like, nah, I'm cool.


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[Assistant] I, I, that's, that's my thing, dude. If you, a couple of sighties and a weed gummy, that's, I can't imagine getting any more fucked up than that.


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[Assistant] That might be like a, uh, brief glimpse into some of the action, just like horrific elder injuries on the court.


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[Assistant] The geezer league's wild. Hold on, I got a new theory for you.


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[Assistant] That'd be funny, before he entered the NBA, he was just like, oh hey guys, I'm here to play that. He's like, what do you think I'm doing? I'm popping motherfucking his hands off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I can't think of the give a fuck. I mean, that's basically the dream team, like Dennis Rodman's North Korea dream team. Oh yea, the big three.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, my ex-girl, well my ex-ex-ex-girlfriend brought me to an N1 game one time. It was like the most, I was like, why did you bring me to this? I don't fucking care. I don't give a fuck.


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[Assistant] That's gotta suck, like how much you pay you? Like two? Like I got ten dude, fuck you.


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[Assistant] I can imagine the bird dog bird dog and babes through text and it's probably fucking like ten on ten.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was like, wow, I can actually get an accurate reading now. Yeah. But I was like, I went from like my knee to my thigh. It's exactly 12 inches. I'm like, dude, if you have a 12 inch dong, it literally hits your knees. Your fucking knee to your thigh? Yeah, it's 12 inches. That's not 12 inches, bro. Well, mine it is. I mean, my quads, my quads are short. Your femur? Yeah, my femur's about, eh, maybe I stopped in my pocket. I'm fucking tall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I don't know how I did the math, but I was like, I was like, I wanted to measure, but I was so incredibly flaccid and I was like, I don't want the stats on my flaccid, but I don't want to know for sure. I like dealing with like pre-Pythagorean figures when I deal with like my flaccid facts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, I was, uh, fuck, my girlfriend was watching Sex and the City recently, and the one episode where like, there was like the married guys one, where they're all being like pigs, and the guy like shows Dong to someone, and I was like, I'm gonna start doing that to your friend, and I flapped out, there's like my micro flaccid, and I'm like, hey there. She was like, she thought that I was being like, check that out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it wasn't, it, no. I'm sorry, I'll let you finish. This is what, this is basically how he laid it out to me that I've kind of, you know, taken it. Uhm, apparently Epstein was a, like a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They think that the Mossad or the American CIA, which, you know, they're probably pretty much the same thing, but they, they think that, people think that he was approached and sent up as a honeypot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the only way they can keep each other in check is with like hardcore blackmail.