[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was awesome though because one time I did it and the kids spun so hard and hit the locker and right behind him was the football coach. I've definitely told this story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was also so afraid of getting in trouble at that age. I was such a like goody two shoes on paper. But you were like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was doing these like, yeaah, and I would just like, you know, I'd say things to certain people. I remember calling a kid tons of fun, to the point of him crying, but that kid was actually a bully. But I knew I couldn't beat him up, so I'd just like, say little things about him being fat to get to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, listen, okay, it wasn't. And I hit this guy so hard, he spins around. Football coach right behind him, I'm instantly thinking, like, I'm expelled, or, I don't know how this works. Like, what kind of punishment do you get for shoulder checking a kid?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's just when my friends were talking to me about that the other day, I was like, huh, I guess I ca- I was more of like a douchebag than I realized. You're kind of blind to that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't even- I don't- Even though I talk about like, I had that chip on my shoulder from being short, I honestly didn't realize I was that short.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until I like saw pictures in college where I'd be like, eugh. Holy shit, this guy is like freaky tiny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They weren't just retail, I don't know. People would beat up little kids in that school, you know, it's a weird, high school's a weird mix, so you got kids that are like, full grown men, where they're like a redneck that's been eating corn and milk since they were five, and they're like, huge. And then there's like a couple, just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really hard once in the, in the gym. I get my underwear and that stuck with me. Wow. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, my actual, my current roommate, when we were in kindergarten, was my bully.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, preschool, I used to have Yu-Gi-Oh cards. You had a bully in that grade? Preschool, yeaah. That's insane. He would steal my Yu-Gi-Oh cards and then give them to his friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kind of hard to explain, but like a couple different school systems. They went to a different school system. He was friends with them because of his parents. I was friends with them because we, you know, our moms were friends. Classic little kid shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He'd take my Yu-Gi-Oh cards, give them to this coterie of other kids. Those kids end up coming into my school system in like fifth grade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, devastated, you know, cause I'm like, I know these kids now and I'm friends with them. Find out they're the ones that have been getting my fucking leftover Yu-Gi-Oh cards. In first grade, I burned the rest of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards because he was taking so many of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I did a total like, if I can't have them, no one can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a wolf-dog hybrid that tore up my back, and then I wasn't allowed to hang out with him at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, like, in junior high, we kinda were like, oh, we can be friends again. And then, post-college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we live together. So, the world, a lot of things- Wait, really? Soulmates?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was still a little pissed. And the dog thing, but whatever. That dog's dead, so. That's kind of payback. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And someone killed it. Somebody killed that dog. Somebody with a lot of dog killing experience killed that dog. Over the attack? No, my dad did tell me later, he was like, I was gonna hire someone to kill that dog. I'm like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little unnecessary because I was pretty quickly like, I'm an animal person, so I was like, I don't give a shit, you know. It's not really the dog's fault. They just shouldn't be owning a dog like that. Yeah. And it was just chained up in a garage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It hurts still really bad. And I just kicked my door because I tried to put my foot out to stop my dog from running outside. Wasn't thinking, just full kicked a door. It's been tearing me up, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she fell on her knee that she just got replaced and she was like, yeah, the doctor said if I had fallen on my, if I hadn't fallen on my new like plastic and titanium knee, it would have been obliterated. I would have shattered it all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus Christ, she probably fell two feet. I mean, she's like five foot flat. She just fell to her knees. I put nothing. Yeah, and it's fucked her up that bad. Now she's like bedridden. My dad had a friend when I was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Funny arm movements and stuff that I think a lot of viewers really appreciate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think you could cut cold turkey, I think you'd have to slowly wean her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I need to clear that up, okay? I was not a sc-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Typical schoolhouse bully, okay? I wasn't going around really- The only kid I ever- You were a salacious B. Crumb. Yeah, I was- Me and you!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Friends, okay. So I guess that's still not good. But the only guy I ever made, the guy that I called tons of fun until he cried, that kid was genuinely a bully. Okay. So it's not, you know, it's not like I'd go up to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A random fat kid and just like bully them or something or like. So you were a vigilante.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So about parents and parenting and the such.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are they just, are they just young boys or are they just stupid people?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is going to be tough because it's your nephews, you don't want to admit that. Yea, I'm never going to admit that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My little brother the other day said something that troubled me. Where I was, I had to think for a second and I went, oh, he's not stupid. Yea, there's no way. He gets straight A's, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was over for the first time in a while, and he's like, yeah, I was just thinking about how it's crazy, like, me, you, and our, his sister, my stepsister's name. He's like, it's crazy that we're all stepsiblings.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's my step-sister, she's your- what are you talking about? And he's like, yeah, we're all step-brothers, right? And I was like, no! What do you- what could you even mean by that? I'm like, who do you think I am?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm your older brother, and he's like, you're my stepbrother. Do you know what that means? I'm like, no, I'm your half-brother. And he's like, they're the same thing. How old is this kid? He's in junior high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it's just like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like, I, I granted, yea, maybe just gotta mix stuff, but then the rest of the time I was there, the whole family was just dog piling them about it, and it was so funny, cause I was leaving, they were like, tell your stepbrother behind! Stop! Stop!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he really had just never thought about what we were before. And I don't think he understood what a half sibling was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's really like, my little sister, I remember having like a real talk with her for the first time last year and being like, okay, she's actually like thinking about things and like they are, she's like her own person. And she's not just a stupid little kid that like, turns off when you leave the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, it's weird when you talk to a kid, cause it's like, my nephew's still very much a little kid. Like when I talk to him,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you giving them things to, you know, challenge their minds and make them grow? Like mix cubes and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had the pretty standard, uh, you know, early 2000's older brother where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a face where he worked. Yeah, he had a big spiky mohawk. He had a hacky sack. He was more like metalhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, oh, we've got to wait for our table. You say he's always got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just never really got into it. And I wasn't totally joking. I do think boomerangs are cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've just never thrown one, and I'm not totally convinced that they really work, but I've never tried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm very skeptical about the idea of like, I feel like you'd have to be really good with the boomerang. I feel like it's not as consumer friendly as cartoons make you want to think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be a different man if I hadn't quit the Cub Scouts when I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To my chagrin, a week after I quit, they gave everyone a boomerang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a boomerang like from cartoons. Like I can just throw it and it'll come back to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've never experienced that joy since. If I don't think I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For sure. And like a boomerang, you can play with yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My brother is 7 years older, and my younger siblings are like 12 years younger or something. I ask them if they watch skibity toilet or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's not a lot of overlap. Yea. I try to parrot stuff I hear on TikTok. They call me a slur. We've got this kind of dynamic. My older brother though, he is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you- I get along with you two, and you're the age of him, and you guys have a lot more overlap with my older brother in terms of like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I, uh, I'm starting to understand him more the older I get. Cause he just likes to sit on his porch and like shoot a bow into trees and drink beer. And I bought him the new Xbox, took him like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Eight months to open, because he's too afraid of resetting an email.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Told him like a thousand times, like it's really simple, and he's like, I just don't- I hate dealing with passwords. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, it took him like eight months, and now I finally got him to get red dead. I think I'm gonna like change his life, cause...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, it could be like a virtual woodsman. That is life changing. All he plays is like, he's played probably like 10,000 hours of Morrowind. And probably like 10,000 hours of Skyrim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll just play this forever. I know, he's so, he's like, I really just like when the open world like feels live and all this stuff. And I've been trying to force him to fucking play this for a year. I have a question. Yes, you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my eye doctor only had one leg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess he was a little freaky, but he was also just kind of a freaky looking person beyond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, but he didn't have a prosthetic. He'd just roll around in his chair with his one big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They check out more than, you know, your vision.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I had perfect eyes, I would have never been the one in my life. Yeah. That's what I assume. I don't know. This is news.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't like them either cause they always, they make me take out my contacts first thing and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They should know how little I can see. And then they're always like, alright, follow me, and they just fucking like walk down the corridor really quick, and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They like go into a room and it's dark in there always. They're like, take a seat in the chair. I'm like, I can't fucking see. I don't know where it is. And they don't like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel like they could hold off on the taking out the context for a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I can see like, I can see...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly, like a space right here, like this large, because too close you can't see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like here's too far. I can see like my phone right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly have never thought so, but sometimes, like, you do put on, like, when I'm wearing my contacts, I'll put on someone's glasses. And I can basically see fine. I think those people do have, like, better vision. But once you get to a point, like, it's hard to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just always thought it was dumb because I'm like, yeah, you're wearing a prescription that just doesn't fit your eyes. It's gonna be blurry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, the more blurry the worse. You would assume. And the thicker the glass is. Sometimes the worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny though, once you, like, if you wear glasses, you can just look at someone that's wearing glasses and tell if they're nearsighted or farsighted. If they're strong like, Sam, you're nearsighted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you look certain ways, you can see the sides of your face through your glasses. I hate, that's why I can't wear glasses. Cause mine...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a scary thing to do. But it's cool that like, you're basically


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's not like a long, there's two types of it where like the one where they actually just like cut in. I can't remember what it's called. It's not called LASIK. Uh, it's a more invasive eye surgery, but it lasts longer and it's supposed to be better. But that takes like a while to recover from. I don't know, like fucking two weeks or something. But LASIK, you can basically, you're fine later that day. Like you, there's no recovery really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where was your stream key going? Did you have that planned out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you guys have any questions for babies? I could answer those. Any questions for a doctor of a baby?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've used it. I don't know if it's the intended way. Also this, uh, people put these on babies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Bad luck. The whole era of... can wipe minimum poof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, not to cut, we'll circle right back to how often we poop and what types of poop we have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Three musketeers look right now. You are, yeaah. Pretty cool. Very cool. It actually could be a double costume.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of words going around in Hollywood for a big new reboot of either of those franchises, the Baby Geniuses or Three Musketeers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like a little French, he's a mouse, but I'd have to, I'd have to watch some film and get it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a pretty good, I've probably lost it by now, I won't even try it probably, but I had a really good fob-tac impression the other day. Aqua. And I even said, I wish Aqua were here. Also, did I dream this or did I send you a voice note of me doing a fob-tac impression, like? Dreamt it. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're getting into impressions on this podcast talk. Well, I don't know if you have any that you wanna- We haven't seen it on TikTok before, impressions are in. So if you've got any good ones, we could probably get a pretty viral moment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So give me like 30 minutes post podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'd like to say that my Fobtac impression is not to make fun of, it's to honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Overworked and underappreciated, or underworked, overappreciated, I would choose that one. Yeah. Yeah. Thousand times. Easily.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then there's people, you know, we've talked about them already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Omid, most streaming tenacity I've ever seen. The guy can just... He can just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes, if I've done a long stream, I don't want to raid anyone I don't know, like well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I feel like it's rude to also just raid someone and then just completely exit out, but I don't wanna fuckin' chat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how I found FOBTAC. Just sorted from lowest views. I used to go through that a lot and raid like just random...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do that a lot too. That's actually such a good thing to do, honestly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes, I mean, I'm just fuckin' lazy, and like, I just kinda wanna end stream, and doing that takes more time than any other version of raiding, cause you're scanning through, you're like, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have the- If you got the time and the love in your heart, you should raid someone with one viewer. Also though, this is a weird, like streamer brained thing, but I feel really, I know it's better than not raiding them, but I feel bad when I raid someone with like eight viewers, and then right away all the people I raided with just leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I've been that guy where you get raided and you're like, oh my god, I've got like 700 viewers. And then within 30 seconds you're back down to like 100. It's, it's like, it kind of feels like a slap in the face of like, oh I suck. Yeah. Like I couldn't hold their attention, but also, it's not really, it's just how raids go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For anyone, 10 viewers, if they're dedicated, 10 loyal viewers, they'll do whatever you say, do anything for you. I'd take that over a thousand fleas. 10 just kind of complete, like guys with nothing to lose. Like nothing going on in their life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, I kinda, I've like severely, as you've seen and made fun of, flat feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And when I'm in the house, I kinda like have to be wearing shoes. Look at these puppies. Those are nice. Those are good, good little house shoe. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I uh, yea, I don't know, I guess I'm just like, disgusting, house shoe wear, like, I just wear shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My house was all stone floor. You know, you gotta have some shoes on, your feet are gonna get cold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I feel that I went up and put shoes on right before this podcast because I also don't feel nearly as... okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's look past the fact that I'm dressed as a baby. I don't feel nearly as like, professional or like, active when I'm not wearing shoes. Like, if I'm gonna work, okay, let's move past what our work is and how I look. If I'm working, you know, I want shoes on, cause I feel- A lot I have to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I put these shoes on though, I feel a little more productive. And I feel a little more like I can get shit done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like that shoe sound in case of emergency too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You drink a lot of liquid, like I'm currently, I just drink a Celsius and then I have a water and then I've got a sparkling water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm scared. I'm gonna hurry up that way. I'm gonna keep my bonnet on good. No, I've got it how I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's a good thing. You know, leaving conditioner is pretty good too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes the conditioner makes, like right now my hair is too soft and like frizzy and stuff. I need a little, I need a little oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, you've tasted your own cum, right? I'm like, no. Like how? How? Like every guy's done it. I'm like, I don't know if that's true. I've had multiple, multiple women tell me, a man, that every guy tries their own cum and I'm like, I just don't know if that's- I think this is like- Cause women are a little bit-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm sure every guy's curious. Yeah, every guy at least takes a couple of shots. Cause it looks like breast milk. Yeah. But, I've never. Wait. Okay. But I've never tried it. I've never sampled from the bottle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking love getting mail when it's like, actually addressed to me and it's a real thing. What a treat. I mean, just, could make my whole day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't get any this year. It almost ruined Christmas for the whole family. I almost made sure it did, but I just don't, I guess I don't come from family or friends that send each other Christmas cards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would it be depressing, dude? It's just nice, casual, I dress Piff up like a turkey, and we- I dress up like a pilgrim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we did a little turkey hunt. Just butter him up, let him run around in the neighborhood. Try to catch him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did when I went to pee, this is not really on any sort of topic, but all my windows were open and I wondered if any neighbors saw me walking around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thinking that this is some sort of fetish thing. And I won't know until I maybe talk to them and there's a change.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got L-Riz, okay, they've got no drip, and it's pretty, pretty sad. I wish they could bring me on there as a coach. Love coach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should bring- Or just like, pimp this guy out, and I just give him like a coofy and a grill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's never really watched TV or movies or anything and it's always...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He is the worst luck of, he's gone to the movie theater with us like three times in real life. And it's just a guy that is like, I don't like movies, I don't know, I don't watch it. I don't get people like that. I mean, it's the opposite of how I operate. But he came with us to see the amazing Spider-Man 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In like seventh grade, awful. He saw the first suicide squad with us. Bad. And then he is seen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Camera was just another like box office disaster and overall like very poorly rated movie. I think we like permanently put him off movies. But he came over once and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, love on the spectrum, like, haha, this is funny. Like, there's, there's, autistic, like, I'm gonna watch this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it started off him just being like, uuuh. And then he was like, uuuh. Oh, these are pretty sad. I, I can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Know what I've, know what's funny about him and my friend Will that both don't watch movies? They both have a framed pulp fiction poster. And I think that says a lot about that movie and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he also like did really like it. He bought like a frame print and I remember him being like, oh yea, look at this. It's also just like a very stereotypical dude answer for favorite movie. It is. Yea. And I just find it interesting that him and Omid both have seen like 10 movies total and they both have a frame pulp fiction poster. What does that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a consumer. I'm a consumer of media, of product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the most exciting aspect of being a father to me. So if I become one, showing, having someone that I can force to watch, like these are all my favorite movies, shows, like you have to watch them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've seen that. I've seen that movie. More than most people in the world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Komodo, I rewatched it like earlier, like last year, the villain is just acting on like 10 levels higher than everyone else in the movie and he's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So fucked up. There's weirdly sexual tones too with the Komodo and the girl. In a lot of scenes he's just in a big like nest in the middle of the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I loved, when I last rewatched it, I had not realized how insanely overly complicated the plot was. Cause it's about like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go to this place, I can't even remember what it's called, like Lao, or whatever. Tao. Tao. The land of Tao. And they're trying to, Komodo's trying to use the powers of like, Kung, to suck the life wells.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he can travel to our earth. He wants to go to earth for some reason. Even though he lives in a magical world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And take over with his army, but he's got like a thousand dudes that don't have guns. So also like he's going to run into a big problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five humanoid kangaroos. And their leader that is not a kangaroo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what this is. It's like that mixed with Avatar mixed with like Power Rangers mixed with...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all trying to work together, and it was a disaster. Like they all are, you know, they're like, let's make a super movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like the worst movie ever. But they tried. I think maybe even Australia's involved or something. Maybe I'm just thinking that because there's a kangaroo. But there's some Australian influence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's really scared of Komodo. I need to really watch this. I need to suffer through it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels shockingly long, but also, when you're on rewatch, Komodo will be your favorite character, guaranteed. And the girl kangaroo is the fucking scariest thing I've ever seen, because they've tried to make her like, hey, she's the girl kangaroo, let's make her a little sexy. Let's make her like, weirdly smooth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got a guy that's like an ox, and he's friends with a guy that's a rhino. And they do like this awesome like, yeaaah, like, they do like high fives and they beat up bad guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just really like the way they look. Love the practical effects on that. It's actually like really ahead of its time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was it actually? It was one of my favorite movies. When I was, like, really young. I mean, I- I liked- I watched it, like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I were in Small Soldiers World and one of those little action figures from the micro trip tried to attack me, I'd torture it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of power. It's the power of a lightning bolt can probably turn anything real. A Frankenstein, a weird science chick. There's just a lot of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess I would just say I'm a little disappointed now that I'm an adult that I've never seen lightning hit anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why don't they do this more? We've got better kite technology. We've got better keys. We want a real Doc Brown. Sam's got the coat. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got a little golf joke for any golfers out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought that was the funniest thing when I was a kid when people say that and be like, what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was on a golf team, I used to say it's completely mental. Cause I actually, for a really long time, I didn't know how a handicap worked. And like most things in my life, I'd try to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Over-correct my like lack of knowledge with like a joke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when people on the other golf team would be like, what's your handicap? I'm like, I know it's a golf thing. I just genuinely don't know what my handicap is or how to tell. So I'd be like, it's entirely mental. And they'd go, ha ha ha. And everyone would laugh. And then I wouldn't have to answer the question. And then I, I mean,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could tell you now, but I won't. But, I did play, I've played a decent amount of golf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not in a golf course, I love that. When they take it out on the beer girl, or beer guy driving around, and they just hit him with a club or something. Wait, they have that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's some courses, not where I go, but they have like people that come out and they're like, Hey fellas, can I get you a beer or something? You can buy a beer right there. That's awesome. They're normally hot, which is cool. Um, my favorite part about golf is getting to drive a golf cart and, and drink. Yeah. And drinking and driving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is now, like when I was on a golf team, it was so bad that I, I would get like stomach ulcers, just like the idea of teeing off in front of like 10 people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now that I can just play for pleasure, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've gone out a couple times where like my friends will bring someone that I don't know. It's always like... I don't know, I just have to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, humor's always been will be my like crotch, but like I just really amp up my jokes and then I'm like really self.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember when I was on the golf team, I would- people took it so seriously then, and I'd be like, guys, we're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're JV, like of our respective, we're the bottom of the barrel of our respective teams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're not going anywhere with this. And they'd still, no joking around, no back and forth, no banter. I'd bring snacks all the time, I'd try to offer snacks, people'd be like... Sometimes, you know, we'd all hit a really bad hit, I'd be like, you guys just wanna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Free mulligan. Like we, no one say, like our coaches don't watch us, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that's a little different, cause like you said, you know, everyone expects me to be pretty bad at video games, so, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's different, like if I'm, I guess if I'm playing a game where I'm claiming I'm good at it, yeah, I'll get like embarrassed or like, when you have people like, 20 people in your chat being like, you fucking suck, you fucking reek at this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm listening to music, someone's like, this song fucking sucks. I take personal, I didn't even make this song. Fuck you!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That will piss me off. If I'm drawing something and someone says something about it, I hate already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My friend once, I've brought this up for like five years and he's still to this day is like, I don't know what you're talking about. I fucking, I know he knows what I'm talking about, but no one else seems to remember cause everyone's fucking smoking too much weed and they've gone crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he showed us a video once and was like, guys, guys, like this is really funny. Got his whole apartment to watch it. And it was probably the least funny video I've ever seen in my entire life. And no one, not a single like, you know, there's probably like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're watching it, and it was weirdly horny too. It was like a YouTube skit where it was like two chicks with just like big boobs like talking about like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He swears to God, he's like, I genuinely don't remember how to find that video. I just had seen it earlier that day and thought it was funny. But now it's like, I feel like I'm fucking crazy when I bring it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because of the type of video he showed. Thinking it was funny, it made me, like, start thinking like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not even in the same house, and I've heard this story of one of our friends showing everyone a new Netflix stand-up special and being like, you've gotta watch this, it's hilarious. And like 20 minutes in, not a single person would laugh and they're like, dude, I'm sorry, but this really sucks. And like, we wanna change it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy got incredibly offended by it, and it really upset him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now we all, people that weren't there know that this happened. And that he tried to show everyone a really unfunny stand-up routine. And they made him change it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For talking about that on the podcast, cause I saw his new special live. Oh really? Before it was on Netflix, Dave Chappelle. Yea, we've talked about it Sam. Oh yea, yea. Oh really? You don't have, you have no fucking memory. No I don't. Anywho, yea. My memory is so bad now. My mom wanted to go for my brother's birthday cause they both used to be really big Chappelle show fans. And even like my brother is like a die hard


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like 10 minutes in we're both like, oh jeez. Like this is like his last like five spas- it's just the same shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, like 40 minutes in, my brother's like, I'm gonna go smoke. I'm like, I'll go with you. And we missed like 40 minutes of it, come back in, first joke back, another, just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why trans people are so fucking weird and all wishy-washy and we're like, oh my God, Jesus Christ. Like it was just the same joke basically like the whole time. And then him just, he smoked probably an entire pack of cigarettes on stage. I guess that was kind of cool. And he had some jokes that did land, but like two of the openers were definitely way better, which I found sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if he's got the, if he's got the, you know, he seems pretty, pretty, I think smoking that many cigarettes and sitting on the stool is really doing him in. He's also, I mean he's old. He's what, like 50 something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when the grifting starts, Aqua, get ready. You're gonna have a sponsor for some gun...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna get a Roland AX Edge keytar. I have a keytar. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see a lot of, like on estate sales, should have that nature of Facebook Marketplace. I see a lot of people selling though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most people are just gonna believe it's real. I think so. That's like your game. I could, I could lie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for you, I think you need a real one because you've been so obsessed with it for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe you just really get that big guys from the patrons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To a woman in that chair. I wouldn't let a baby anywhere near this fucking chair. Okay. Yeah, what would you do though? Yeah, you come home, your kids have put Sharpie to it. Oh, or even like touched it with a crayon. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be the perfect time for partner in crime to go for the chair. Yep, exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I see it. Very nice. That's so fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not allowed to talk when he's not here, sorry. I'm not allowed to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would you, what, uh, um, God, I kinda have to piss too, but I don't really wanna go, cause I have to walk around the house in the diaper every time I do, and my roommates, my roommates like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I was thinking about like my comeuppance and how it will, how it will, you know, be dealt to me. And the most full circle I can think of is I piss a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bad kidneys running my mom's side of the family. One day, I'm gonna need a kidney transplant. And I know my friend, Will, I've already brought it up before, I'm like, God, what if I need new kidneys? One day he's like, I'd give you a kidney. The one guy that'd give me kidneys is also the guy that says he still remembers the pain when I punched him in the kidneys. I probably destroyed them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You only have one, and now he needs YOUR kidney.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be funny if I died that way, or something. I've been thinking. Or at least poetic, maybe. What's your preferred way to go?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Measure 800 times, cut only 400, that's what I always say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also cause you do those a lot more. Something you can do all the time, like, I don't know, a cry-stare backflip or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exposure can be like any, right? Like too hot, too cold. I don't know. Too much sun. Too naked on a cross. That's, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When a guy gets hit by lightning, it's not funny, don't fucking joke about that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy puts a fork in a toaster, it's not funny. My daddy, he stuck a wrong tool in an outlet, blew his arms and legs clean off, shot all his fingers off, all his toes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awesome. This story's told a lot. Right into my mom. And then that supercharged serum made me. And uh, it's just something we're not allowed to acknowledge at like family dinner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, this is your dad? Yea, my dad. And all his fingers are up. If they were to even put the arms back on, they'd have no fingers. Cause the fingers and toes popped off too. And he just kinda got melted into a soup and then reformed into a man, the doctors said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been got my shotgun pretty hard before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know a couple times my dad has like, he's been shocked or like fallen off, he's up in the ceilings a lot and shit. And he's had a couple like 15 foot falls on to like, I remember one time right before I was born he fell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen that video of the, it's like one of my favorite newscaster fails where they're interviewing the woman that got struck by lightning? No. Have you seen that? I gotta show you guys this. And then they, they bring her on and someone's like edited the clip and she's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's hard for me to not show people a picture of my dog, you know? It's something very natural by wanting to share those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First guy, that's not a- wait, can you see- have you seen my camera right now? No. No, it- fuck it up. Hello?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, hey. How you doing, man? Hey, we got you on the phone. What's going on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People that I said I would try to help them out here. I'm just gonna pick random first pick. Ooh! This guy's name's Cowpoke. Love that song. He's probably...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, he might have just baited me with this, but we'll see. Hello?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you talk about this podcast while you were there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I made about five down, and then my eyes got too blurry from the tears. That's my record. One.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They all work at other places now, and they, they don't respect me, but yeaah. I still know them, technically. I mean, I've got a couple of their phone numbers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a plant with a bee starting dot dot dot name. I've got the email up somewhere. I'll find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's keep it on the subject. Let's keep it here. Let's keep it here. Alright, yeah. Um, I'd say go for it. Go for the internship. That's the advice I got when I was like, fuck, I don't know, is it paid? More importantly? Yes, yes, it's paid. Yeah, fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Worst case that's gonna happen, you're not gonna get the job offer, but most of the time at an internship, you've gone that far, they're not gonna be looking for a reason to fire you or whatever. Assuming you're pretty good at it, you've been doing it for a decade, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you were talking to them about like, hey man, sorry about, did they have, they had crazy eyes, I'm assuming, cause there's, there's people, there's certain people that, there's just no reasoning. No, yea, there's no reasoning with them. They've already decided they're gonna kick your ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, can one of you do me a favor? Sam, you can see the full names. Is one of these B dot dot dots named BK Randy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bkrandi. Bk, badkrandom? He moved that guy in there as my pick. Yeaah. What's his picture?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have a tail or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't have that kind of hair at 22 though. So, he's got, he's, he's beaten me in a couple of regards. He knows a girl.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always good to listen to a podcast. Put on a podcast and you're able to still type and still, you know, work out applications and whatnots.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I pay? I pay for both patrons. Really? I pay for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, get out of here. Hey, come on, talk to us. Talk to us, man. What's going on? Yeah, what's going on here? Why'd you call in? Oh, okay. Is he typing or something? I don't know. Yeah, is this like a deaf guy? Check the chat. He didn't, he didn't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, come on, give him, he's starting his webcam. Oh, maybe he's gonna have like little flashcards or something. Yea, maybe a disabled person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, write those down. Any ending remarks? Any parting wisdom? Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, don't go in there talking about, you know, too much, how many of you there are, and, you know, that if you guys work together, you can elicit change and stuff. Nah. Good, good. I'll probably run back to my friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice though, it's really nice to meet some of the people behind, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a cowboy wizard, uhm, it was pretty sweet, I had like the wand in the holster, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So we're at this, at this cool bar, you know, we're just hanging out, having fun night, you know, and then Poob is saying, okay, so there's this guy that comes to this bar and he just brings a ferret with him, like every time he comes here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. And then, I swear to god- I was really amping it up, like, no, you don't get it, like this guy's the ferret guy, like he comes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wants, he wants you to see him and go, what the hell is that? And then he goes, ooh, I've got something for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, I was really hyping up to Dave, like, ah, I'm so sorry you missed it. It's, yeah, for real, like, and I was like, yeah, right, guy comes in here with a ferret. Sure. To a bar? Right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, this guy comes in with a skunk and we're like, no way. Uh, one of Poob's friends is like, oh, can I hold it? The guy's like, yeah, no problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he just hands it over to him and it's like, you know, he's like cuddling it and stuff. And I'm like, oh man, that's awesome. Can I get next? And the guy's like, oh no, I brought a second. He reaches into his side bag and he just pulls out a whole other skunk, like a albino skunk. And uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I believe in a, I believe in Schrodinger's bank account. Like, you know, if I don't look at it, the money's there. And if I don't look at it, it's also not there. So if I just kind of, you know, go till it stops me, really, I'm, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you want whatever, listen, don't, okay, you, yeah, you messaged me earlier saying what's your family. You don't owe me shit. Okay. We're square. We're even illegal. So I'm supposed to Venmo, but sorry, plug your thing. Uh, you know, a lot of big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well, I'll plug it if, really, if I have the floor here. Uh, Big Dave Actual on Twitch. Really, we just do, like, a lot of fun. A lot of, you know, a lot of bits, really. I'm doing one where I weld my nutsack to my leg, uh, next week. Really just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reaching the boundaries. Yeah. It's, it's going to be pretty awesome. Uh, going to do it while I run an ad break. So, you know, just really the, the crew gets it. The people subbed. Am I right, Brian? You know, you get it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well then I'm purely just gonna pick at random. Let's see, I'm gonna scroll down, I'm gonna go to one of the S's, and this guy, can't even see his full name, hopefully it's nothing insane. And he's in. Hello? Caller. What's his name? I can't see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well you, uh, have any parting words or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautiful hotel right across from Wrigley Field. Can't remember the name of it. But, uh, yeah, good night. I mean, I was very drunk and, uh, as most of my stories begin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been a couple, Sam brought this Tony guy in here that I already knew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As long as you keep making instrument, keep subscribing to that Patreon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a lowly peasant filiant. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I played for love. I lost the love a long time ago. Alright, well thanks. Thanks Sam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well now it's your turn, I think, or, it's yours, and then, wait, is it Brian's turn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makes me think I'm in a freezer. In one of those ice trays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay, an interesting question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One that I don't know if I'm totally comfortable reliving the memories of. It's nothing crazy, it's just a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Class rats, you know, we raised them from babies, feeding one of them milk and other like, kind of nutrient based things. And then one of them was fed only seven up, I believe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then at the end of the year, the teacher gave away both the rats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of my friends got the soda rat, it died of cancer not that long after, and then I was given the milk rat, even though my parents didn't agree to it totally. The teacher just thought I'd be a good owner, and that's what I'm pretty sure it came down to. She gave me the healthy, strong rat, the milk rat, and then it lived in our basement for a while, and then it was sent to a rat farm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The higher up ladies that are pretty bad. So you know, it's interesting really. It gets in that kind of freakiness level of snake owner. Uhm, but being a milk rat is essentially just like better. It's just being raised better than a soda rat. If that answers your question.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought I had never watched a video on YouTube, so I just don't really know what's going on here, but, uh, kinship, that sounds fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't dropped his phone before a couple of people have been disconnected. A premature ejection, if you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I actually can't see the full names of like, anyone for some reason. It started with a T, right? Wait, wait, wait, wait, I know who I'm pulling in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Trash photo is trash photo. Okay, you pull in trash photo, then I'm pulling in La La Lover. I'm wondering if they're a fan of La La Land. Yea, go for it. And I'd really like to, you know, see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that where your name comes from or is that a different thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's one of the least true things I've ever found in my life. My literal inability to make decisions is quite harmful, but I'm glad it's working out for you, la la lover, and uh, you've got nothing prepared.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's like, you know those memes where it's like, you stand at the urinal here, where does the other, I'm constantly like, I will take this small urinal to give another man better odds of not going directly next to me. You know, I'm constantly surveying and assessing bathrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes you just have to go, so it's like, I'm not gonna shit my pants.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also that classic that's seen from waiting where they're like, I don't hear any pee in there. Something psychologically for me, if I go stand there and there's a guy even four year and also way, but it's dead quiet in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, by now a normal person would have started peeing, and I'm thinking about him listening to me and being like, why isn't that guy peeing? What's going on? And then I get all worked up where I'm like, why am I not, why haven't I started peeing? This is way too, you know, 10 seconds without pee? For me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I don't wanna say there's like a Don Tony element to this, but I do recall a time when I was a child, and I peed at a place, and a guy started cleaning the toilet right next to where I was peeing, and the guy didn't work there, and he was clearly looking at my penis, my boy penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basically no updates, probably if I also had to guess, dead. Bye now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guy that looks fucking ugly and insane cause I get tagged in about a hundred of those a day. No, he's like, he's uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he's a cool guy, he's got like kind of a way of moving that's very interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's turn is it, Brian? I think it's Sam's. Sam, pull somebody up. Borb. Let's make some dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You all get an equal chance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a headboard that they had that now when I look it up, it's like $7,000 and it's this black leather and like rich wood colored kind of Mad Men style-esque headboard that had two back cushions and armrests that came down that had like built-in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so the way I'm about to describe this is you're gonna say, what is this, a gamer radio? It's got armrests that have like, little night lights built into it, and a radio in the middle. It's basically just like, 70s fucking craze. Yeah, you sent me this. Yes. And I had just bought a headboard. I had just been like, I got a bed frame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's this shitty bed frame, but I spent like $300 on it, so I'm like, no fucking way, you know, I'm buying it, like, this is it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My parents had to pick up because it was way too big and they left it outside because they were like, fuck, this guy or whatever. I have no idea. It rotted. I still have no bed frame. And then this Drexel 70, this once in a lifetime awesome headboard comes through a week later and I don't have the funds to bid on it and I do think about that often.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe some good answers. Yeah. Dream guest. Trying to think of... Who? Brian?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna talk to him about train spotting though. Why not?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would talk to him about his hot ass wife and Star Wars. Also he has that movie The Island?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that what the hurricane or tsunami? No, no, it's like a, it's like a future movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have seen that when I was young. There's an actress in that, right? That's, uh, famous. Who the hell's?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Alright, I'm gonna bring in... Dick my butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who are we? Should I bring in Dick Mabutt or Disappointingly Average?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wonder if, what he's, it's our second gooning expert of the night. Yeah. Uh, Dick M'Butt. How are you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That doesn't mean as much as you'd hope man, it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we'll dig my butt. Thank you for coming on man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did a very stereotypical, like, I'm gonna watch a nature doc and I watched them on my, you know, one of my top three favorite animals, the harpy eagle, and I cried during it because it was all about like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, that was pretty, and I drew some kind of what looked like, I don't know, maybe serial killer sketches in my book of just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy is out of his fucking mind. I mean, I would be- I would not trip-sit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As a woman, I probably wouldn't be near any man on acid, cause I've just heard a couple of horror stories similar to yours, but I've heard a- You know, people are already- Oh, he's like- Oh, he's like, you guys are close again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like, at one point he was like, she's choking, I probably shouldn't get into all of this, it became a big legal thing. And basically she woke up like, what the hell is going on? This guy that's tripping balls is like trying to like clear her throat of like a choking hazard or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that guy is like kind of insane, so if you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm manual breathing and I'm chewing on my tongue and I piss my pants, you know, but I've never, I've never even thought about attacking someone because most of the time when I, I haven't taken in years, but I'd be like scared other people might attack me, but I'm not going to preemptively strike, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like we should bring in the other girl in here, but also, who's that guy? Baby Bink! Yeah. Baby Bink's all about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] BabyBank, sorry I didn't interrupt your game. Oh my- wha- oooh sh-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This binge, uh, started costing exuberant, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fees and storage because of the size of it. And I was unable to drive to go pick it up. Oh god my nose is itchy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they said, right away, sir, we'll take care of that for you, sir, uh, and then they put it re-back on auction, and uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The original thing was like, okay, they can hold it for like three weeks and then I can go get it, or they can ship it to me for $400, and at the time I went, Jesus fuck, I'm not gonna pay $400 in shipping. Then when I surpassed $400 in fees, I said, well I gotta have a real conversation with myself here. I'm getting to the point where I can't afford to go pick this up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, then that's when I was like, uh, gonna make some tough choices here. So I called him and basically said, what the fuck is this place? Some sort of goddamn, you know, highway robbery. And they canceled everything. I just lost $50. And more importantly, the spin chat sells. So what did it end up selling for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to pick it up once, okay, thinking it can probably fit in my car. If I, you know, I go here just for this. I get there, they're like, it's actually at our other location, three hours away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the milk rat even real? Okay, another milk rat. Milk rat was real, some rat named Mini May that I owned for a couple months until we got rid of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kirkland? No, it's not Kirkland, Bran. It's from Denmark. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks, thanks for the chuckles guys, I appreciate it. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a thing of milk or is that litter or something? No, it's glue!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Couple of incredible movement shooters in the past that people should be playing, Splitgate, you know, Titanfall 2.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very well done campaign, incredible multiplayer, I mean it's really what it comes down to. I've already itched that scratch, like I'm not gonna play it forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I had a really good ass time. I also like, it helps me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I'm playing a game that's really fast paced, like stick with it, you know, I feel like I perform better at quicker paced games rather than like Valorant or CSGO or something. I get too impatient for holding corners. I dunno, I had an Apex phase back in the day, Pathfinder main, but now my roommates like are obsessed with it. Yeah, they took away the- What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, so much of the magic was taken away by you being like, oh wait, I'm cutting out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looked like one of those creatures from Morrowind, I don't know, like mole things with like a face, a little fucker. I don't know what it was, but I just now, like I was supposed to play with Devon and Omid tonight because they haven't played it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you're either, people keep going in my chat and being like, you fucking sheep, why'd you buy? It's like, you know what you're getting into. It's not gonna, if you don't think you're gonna like it, you're pretty goddamn certain when you buy it. I mean, it's the last Call of Duty with MW2 maps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just for me a way to- I don't have a lot of games I can play with like my IRL friends. This, everyone has, it's been really fun just fucking around. Like, Poob Clan comes from MW2, so we're gonna-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of the original guns, and then there's also new ones. I mean, dude, it's, uh. It's, it's super gay with that stuff, but, I mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well in my day there's no fucking chat GBT or anything and I've been hearing more and more people talk about running it through like five


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Different like checkers and redoing it, whatever, that's bullshit, you're gonna come out stupid. Uh, my advice would be pop a Celsius, play a good playlist,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hunker down and do it in the last hour before it's due that way the fear of the date rising motivates you to complete it. That's the only way I could ever write an essay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, eh, were, sometimes. I mean, is it double space or single space?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Double spaced. Okay, that's not too bad. I would also maybe for motivation type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, there's kind of workarounds for like invisible spaces and stuff and making slight things like periods and punctuation a couple font sizes bigger to increase the length of it, but some teachers got wise to that and they will just purely word check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a, like, power thing he's trying to pull here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or he just knows that the only people he's gonna get are desperate and he's cut into the chase, where he's like, you're not gonna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No fucking rich people or anyone with any amount of money are gonna come in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen, I love voodoo ranger. I'm sponsored because I was drinking it beforehand, but


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not, you're not missing out on like an import tax.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you like IPAs, I mean, it's a good ass IPA, but if you don't like IPAs, I mean, you're a bartender, so you know all your shit, but it's, you know, people are always like, I hate it, it tastes too strong, but I've never had an IPA before. It's like whatever beer you get used to drinking you like. I mean, I don't have a Corona for two weeks, I drink one, it tastes like cat piss. Did I drink five of them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. And then, I don't know. I don't know. It's, listen, I can't legally say you're not missing out, but you're gonna be fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's fucking sweet. That's pretty dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They taste delicious. Sam's is, uh, let me guess, Virgin Shirley Temple. Those do rock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rum or something in it. What's your favorite cocktail?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thighs is still down there too. I don't know if you actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe not. What the racist part? I got real big discrepancies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, they heard you. What, they picked it up or they stopped?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like, just like clear your mind. But if you have a question, this would be a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those goals were right on this whiteboard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But okay, once I tell you this, I mean I've already talked about it another person asked her too, but it's like, do you want to know the truth because some of the mystique of what it can be disappears?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I'm just prefacing it with that. I'll be quicker than the last time I explained it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Third grade, some, some bullshit. Two rats raised in our classroom. One of them fed milk and water. One of them fed only 7-Up. And of course, the one, it is a study to see, you know, who's stronger, who's healthier, the one that we're giving, you know, Mountain Dew and 7-Up, or the one that we're giving, like, real milk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep, and of course the milk rat was healthy and I ended up getting to keep it and then the soda rat died of cancer and uh, it was just a class experiment that in hindsight seems pretty fucked up and I guess the part why I like to talk about it is because I got to keep the milk rat many may.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's not some sort of, I don't know, people's imaginations go crazy when you say a term like milk rat, which is kind of why I probably left it vague, because I thought it was funnier, but it's just kind of-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His eyebrows are intact though. You could tell people you have alopecia, then they won't make fun of you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only people I've ever known. The turtle brother has alopecia and he lost just all his head hair. Really? Not his eyebrows, yea. Huh. How's his head shape looking? He's got luck here. He doesn't have my dad's wrong head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he handles it. I actually don't know if I've ever talked about that on here. It's like kind of personal, but also like, I would take it incredibly poorly. My little brother's like, I don't give a shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he just shaved it all off when it started going and now he just rocks it bald and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like gonna just be a lot, he just seems a lot more, uh, self-confident than me. So good, good on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you've got solid face shape for baldness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think if you try to grow out a beard, maybe it'll help, but I'll see a very light colored hair, so maybe it'll look weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Kikagakagooga. Kikagaku-moyo, I think? Hold on, let me find this for you. I listened to it the first time I did Acid, and I was like, come on, this is fucking, this is bullshit. And then I went for a crazy ride. Wait, what's the song? Dripping Sun, the song's called.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It goes really hard and then they sing and it's nice and they go really hard and when you're tripping, like there's a kind of this, you, you experience it in waves and when you're listening to something that's also going in waves, it's where people listen to like Pink Floyd album and shit. Or webinar, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hip Hop Tom's like candy, even at the slightest inconvenience, uh, extra strength.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really love and I think it's awesome this instance holder I really love things awesome, but don't show off much out at arms reach I really love like little miniature things and this one is made out of metal and stone And it's a little fishing village with birds and nets and stuff. It's like a little kinchy shack


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's in like some style of a famous artist from Japan, but it's like a kind of a dupe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And also that remark that like, a talent show type thing could be really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. Thanks to everyone that came out. We might do something like that in the game in the future. Cut out that part still where we said, just kidding. That's just to get their hopes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, of course, I came in with a single story that is- Oh, nice story. Yes, yes. Uhm, this is a story of the time I got jumped outside of a Little Caesars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was 19 at the time, I'm currently 23, so 4 years ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad just died. Boom. Day before. Dead. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, obviously, as a Mexican family, the next thing you gotta do is have a party the day after to celebrate his life, quote unquote. Ah, it's just an excuse to get drunk off modellos, let's be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was posting GoToMyo. Okay. Yes, but still, Modellas are always in season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so, we have a big ass family party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, we get in the car, we pull into like the little Caesar's parking lot, and there's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would say like 50 to 60 dudes with like motorcycles just like in the parking lot just doing weird dumb shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be sick. So we pull into the parking lot and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, a biker cuts in front of us, and so my brother's driving, so he just gives a little, you know, a little courtesy honk, like, brr, you know, be careful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, thank you. He, he took his own life, so you know. That's it, that's his own thing. Anyways, so, we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, kind of swerve out of the way, cause like, after we honked, this guy just shows us like, his full ass. Full ass, balls, dick, everything. From like, the back. And we're just like, alright, well I don't wanna see that. So we pull out to the side, go, go, go through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we like kinda cut through their little circle jerk thing that they're going through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we've got like five, six pizzas, I'm carrying them, fucking just, I can barely see over the boxes. And just barely over the little Caesar's boxes I see six, seven dudes just coming up towards us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, you're trying to fuck with my brother, you're trying to fuck with all of us. And so immediately I'm just like, oh no, this is not going...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, and so, I can see where this is going, so I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, we didn't mean anything by this, you know, we were just trying to get through, you guys just cut us off, you know, we just gave a little crazy honk. That does not slow them down, they just start...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they grab my brother and just start wailing on him. And so I'm, I'm not gonna just let that happen. So I try to pull him off him. I got like two good licks in there before the rest of them just kinda.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then yeaah, and then after we just got our shit kicked in, they just kinda went back to their group and just sorta dissipated. They did not- Did they take their pizzas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, in LA it's a real big fucking thing in LA, like they'll just do it just in like an intersection. I'm a substitute teacher and so I had a student that was at one of those car meetups and he just like recorded a video of his friend just getting fucking hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With like the tail of a car in LA and he's like, look what happened to my friend. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, is he good? He's like, nah, he just like, you know, hurt his ankle a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, don't honk at bikers. Uh, don't cut through their meetings. Don't talk to bikers. If you see them on the road, try to just hit them honestly. You'll be doing the world a favor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, yeaah, sorry, I got, uh, what was it? Stult invited me to the call the other day and thought I was the moderator, so my bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm doing alright as of now, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess I got this dynamic that I'm having trouble with, which is with my mom and dad. They're both separate. Had me in a bag of a Mercedes like 20 years ago. Um, and then didn't get together at all after that. So my mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Things that I'm just like the smartest person in the world, just things I can do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's nice that my mom believes in me so much. Uh, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I live with my dad currently and my mom wants me to move in with her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And go to college somewhere else instead of going to college in the same town I've been in for about eight years or so. She says I won't, I won't pay for college if you stay there. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only really reason why I wanna stay here is because of my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I feel that if I leave my dad, he might just fucking end his life or something, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm really troubled about the decision, I don't know if I should just trust that he won't just end himself or if I should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take this opportunity to go to college somewhere else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, as of right now, like, he has no social life whatsoever. He's been in this house. He works from home, doing like, resailing and stuff like that. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just doesn't talk to anybody. The only person he talks to is me or uhm, my grandma. My grandma lives with us as well. And it's really hard because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just stressed out every fuckin' day, he cleans up the house all the time, and he's like, God dammit, you guys are so fuckin' messy, and he just... Ah, and he's always...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30% less clean. How old's your dad? What age range? He's 43. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I guess some context, my mom and dad really hate each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They always think like they have an agenda, like my mom thinks that my dad has an agenda and my dad thinks that my mom has an agenda. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm just afraid that he'll think that I take my mom's side over him or something, and then shit goes south from there. Uhm, I don't, I mean, I think he doesn't like intentionally try to guilt trip me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But sometimes there's been points in my life where like he says something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it sounds like he's guilt-tripping me. I mean, my mom is definitely the same as well. Uh, she- I mean, of course, she doesn't want her son to move away from him, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I moved away from her because I didn't feel like I wanted to live with her at that point. I didn't like living where I was and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, it would be in a completely different state. My mom wouldn't be in that state as well. I'd be living with a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coworker friend of hers in a, uh, apartment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would be worried that my dad would just think that I don't know that I chose my mom over him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, as of right now, I'm just working at a, uh, well, here. Uhm, I discussed with my dad that I wanted to go to college, uh, around here as well. It would, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He doesn't, sorry, I just doxed, whatever, college, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't pay for it. My dad can't pay for it and my mom does not want me to stay here to go to college and then become nothing. She thinks I'll just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brought here, I mean right now I'm working on a printing factory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, yeaah, I mean, yeaah, I mean, he's tech savvy as well as, I guess, honey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normal. I don't know, normal person. Just an average person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, what was the question? Seen the dating game at all? No, he hasn't in over a decade. Interesting, interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I think he's the same as you, he dropped out of high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In any way. I mean, he wanted me to graduate high school because having a high school degree really helps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mom and dad live in the same state, we live in Wisconsin. But we would be, I would be going straight over to California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm kinda all over the place, but the main thing I've been thinking about was either...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something related with, uh, graphic design or on a completely different spectrum of political science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not, it's on the come up now, but slowly but steadily. I mean, if you live anywhere else but the capital, then you're just fucked. To be fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, uh, that's like the look of the draw. You gotta be, uh, I mean, sure I've thought about it, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Never, seriously, have I ever thought about it. No. No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, I mean, my dad isn't, doesn't think I'm just gonna become like a heroin addict or something like that, but, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be fun. That would be a fun thing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, uh, have a good night, you guys. Thank you, Don Tony. You're very welcome. And Brian. Thank you, Brian, so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need to get on like the porn stash gang the rest of us have got going on. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get comments every now and then, I get comments every now and then they're like, why do you shave that stupid widow's peak into your hair? It's like, I can't help it. That's just where the hair decides to go. That guy's an asshole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's breaking the, it's breaking the camera. Poor Logitech was never made for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did. Yeah. Yeah. I did. Uh, Brandon donut, a bunch of those guys hosted it. It was a good time. It was a good time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they were very cool. It was a good time. There's a lot of cool people there. Uh, a ton of people in like the gun tube side of YouTube. There was a bunch of other people there who, uh, were just kind of personalities. Like, uh, do you all know the Psyop girl, Haley Lujan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she was, she was there, uh, a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the army sigh up girl. Yeah, she was there. Yeah. Um, I guess that's her legal name now. Um, sigh up girl. There was like, I'm dumb to like wrestlers and professional sports. There was a guy there who was like MMA. There was a few like, uh, Paul.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cody, Cody. Okay. All right. All right. Continue. Continue. You're saying vibe check. Didn't mean to cut you off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're cool people. I did embarrass myself though in front of a few of them. Do you know who, uh, demolition ranch is? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, so he's, he's this gun tuber, got like 8 million subs, something absurd like that. Been watching him for years, right? And I'm good friends with his brother, uh, Operator Drewski, uh, or Drew. So, I already knew Drew beforehand, so when I get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're brothers. No one, like no one knows that cause they don't talk about, but yeah, Drew and Matt are brothers. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so well, I'm good friends with Drew. So Drew's like, Hey, I want you to meet Matt. So I'm like, okay. And, uh, some prelude to this, this was at the range and it had been raining. And at first I walked up to shoot some guns and I was just wearing a shirt like this. And I'm like, I'm not going to be a wimp. I'm not going to put a jacket on. That's lame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Drew walks up, he's like, Hey, I want you to come meet Matt. So I walk over to Matt and Matt's there and like, he's being comedic. He's wearing like a big fur coat with like bullets in it or whatever. And I walk up to him and I'm like, Hi, my name's, uh, Isaiah. And he's like, Oh, hi. Are you cold? And I'm like, uh, yeah. And I'm like, yeah. And he goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And at the end of the day, I walk up to him like, do you want your jacket back? And he goes, no, you don't have a jacket. Just keep it. I can afford one. That's not the issue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, that's why I didn't bring a jacket, cause it's in San Antonio. So I'm like, ah, this will be fine. And then no, it was far too cold. It was a mistake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I should have just kept it going, been like, nah, are you cold? You're, you look like the cold one. Why you need that fur jacket, huh? Loser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I probably will at some point. I was thinking about going to, um, a creator clash this year, but I'm also getting married. So I have wedding plans and that, you know, my fiance would be kind of upset with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'd definitely be down to go to like TwitchCon or something like that because there's a lot of YouTubers I've met like online, like, you know, podcasts and stuff who I'd like to meet in person. Uh, this was honestly the, the shoot at, with Brandon and Donut was the first event that I've met people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was kind of weird. It was the first thing I ever went to as Windigoon, if that makes sense. It was kind of strange. Um, but I met like, you know, Coffeezilla, Leon Lush, a bunch of guys like that who, you know, I've watched forever and then I got to meet him in person. So that was really cool. But yeah, I'd love to do more stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's like, I live in a small town, right? So the only times anyone ever like recognizes me as Wendigoons, the occasional like, you know, person at a restaurant or whatever, but I'm just, I've always just been Isaiah. And then when I come to podcasts and stuff like this, it's like, Oh, hello, Wendigoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But going to that range was the first time that people in person walked up to me and were like, ah, Windigoon, fan of your channel, rather than just, it was strange. It was like, it's like a business meeting almost, but for a fake person that doesn't exist, it was very strange.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, in a way, yeaah, Windigoon kind of is. Cause like, I, uh, yeaah, when I was in college, right, I used to have problems with public speaking and stuff like that. I would, I would weirdly stutter, uh, I, I have a very bad habit, or had a very bad habit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, what happened is whenever I started YouTube, I was like, it's just a camera, right? There's no one in the room with me, so I can just talk freely. So as I got more and more comfortable with that, anytime I would go to speak in public or whatever, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm just gonna talk in the same way I do whenever I'm recording something. So it's like, I can pretend my way out of having social anxiety. It's weird, but yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fu- it's funny because what Poob mentioned is kind of like the reverse of what I always get. Cause you said that like, whenever you talk to a camera, you feel like this weird anxiety or whatever of like, ah man, that was bad. But I'm that way with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aw, that's very sweet. I mean, I mean, like, you know, the, the stuff I care about and whatever is legitimate. It's just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All Wendigoon does is get over public speaking and stuttering that Isaiah can't. But now...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't even at creator clash, but, uh, mama max was there and he's got like a beard and hair similar to mine. Uh, so I just got like 500 apps on Twitter. Like, man, it was so cool seeing window going at creator clash and so many people were doing it. It gaslit me to being like, did I go to that? Am I there right now? Is this real?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't make it, he was there, uh, he was supposed to be there, but he ended up, him and OompaVille couldn't make it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, pretty much everyone who was supposed to be there did. Uh, poor Oompaville, he had some like, uh, some like, business thing come up, cause I was really excited to see him. Uh, cause me and him hung out whenever he came to Gatlinburg for a bit, and he's a cool guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While we were at Gatlinburg, a kid recognized both of us and this kid was like 10 or 11 years old. And he runs up to me and he goes, are you, are you Windigoom?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, yeah, I am. And he's like, Oh, nice to meet you. What are you doing here? I'm like, Oh, I'm hanging out with my friend Caleb. And he turns to Caleb and goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oompa! And like his eyes got really big and he goes, can I take a picture with you two? And we're like, yeah, yeah. So we take a picture and then whenever we go to leave, I'm like, hi, it was nice to meet you. And Oompa goes, nice to meet you too. And as soon as he says that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it was very loud and this is in the middle of, this was at Smoky Mountain Knifeworks for everyone who's been there. So there's like 50 people outside. So all they saw, no one knows who we are. So all they saw was a child talk to us, start crying and run away. So we're standing there and it's, you can hear a pin drop. Everyone is staring at us and Caleb goes,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jesus never had kids, no. Uh, but I think what you're asking is like, if Mary or Joseph had kids, right? Or if they had siblings or anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's debated, uh, based on what groups, like if, you know, Catholics say one thing, Orthodox say one thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this saying called the perpetual virginity of Mary, which is an idea that Catholics hold true, that Mary was always a virgin through her entire life, part of it because, you know, Catholics hold her in a place of holiness that a lot of other religions don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Although outside of Catholicism, most believe that Mary and Joseph had children naturally after Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It says his brothers and sisters came together with him. So people think that after Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph had other kids. Some, uh, although Catholics take that verse and say that perhaps that's referring to cousins. Uh, perhaps Joseph had children in a previous marriage. Um, so they make it some way that Mary, you know, didn't have children naturally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, you know, it does say, uh, that, uh, his own family, uh, hid from him. Not Mary or Joseph, but it says that, uh, his family began to, they turned away from him during the crucifixion. So, uh, perhaps, yeah, they were, like, when he died, they were like, and bye.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have to deal with that anymore. Uh, Mary's stuck there with him and most historical accounts say that Joseph was arrested during the crucifixion because Jesus was seen as a heretic and, you know, they killed him. Um, but yeah, it looks like his brothers and sisters abandoned him. So yeah, they, they probably didn't help hold them in that high regard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There have been several people claim that. A lot of the popes and early bishops and stuff would say that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, David's lineage is traced directly back to the lineage. Sorry, not David. Jesus's lineage is traced directly back to King David. Uh, and there's actually a portion


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, going into the New Testament, I believe it's in the book of Chronicles, that it gives the lineage all the way to Jesus Christ. Uh, and some of the figures on it are like Ruth, David.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I appreciate that. If there's one thing that I know about, like aside from conspiracy, like I do conspiracy theories, I do creepy, poor stories, whatever, the topic I know the most on is the Bible. Uh, cause I am a Christian and you know, I do believe in it. So I like to be educated in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, that, that, that is like, this is my wheelhouse. That is something I'll fight people on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did a video on the channel about the, uh, the lost books of the Bible. So the Bible itself is made up of 66 different accounts taken through history. At least the Protestant Bible is, the Catholic Bible is 72 and the Orthodox Bible is 81 accounts that are taken at different points in history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there have been a total, if you count every book that was either considered to be a part of the Bible or was for a time, there's been over 2,000 books that have tried to be a part of the biblical canon. Uh, and like I said, only 66 to make it in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so there's different names. Yes, so the Apocrypha is one. There's different categories. So the ones that were written during the Old Testament before Christ, those are often referred to as the Apocrypha, at least by the Catholics. Or the, uh, Protestants played a bit more loose. You can call any of them the Apocrypha or Apocryphal books. Uh, but the Catholics


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give the title Apocrypha to anything that was written before Jesus but not a part of the Bible. Uh, the other titles are, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pseudographia, which is the ones that are about Jesus, but we're not, I'm pretty sure that's what the pseudographia are. They're the ones about Jesus that are not part of the four gospels of the Bible. Uh, there's ones about prophecy, the pseudoprophets, uh, that are the exact same thing. Supposed prophets that again, were not included in the canon of scripture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like I said, there's over 2,000 of them, so there's a lot written at a lot of different times. Necronomicon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To clarify, the books that are included with the Bible are incredibly scrutinized. Uh, there were three councils that were put together by the early church leaders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, the Council of Constantinople, Council of Trent, and Council of, I forget what the third one was, uh, but they, it was these meetings of the early church leaders where they decided what would go in the Bible and what wouldn't go in the Bible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were incredibly strict about what was allowed in the New Testament about Jesus' life. The only four books out of all of the thousands, like if you look historically, Jesus is more documented than figures like Caesar were, at least personally. Like more people wrote about their meeting and talking with Jesus than individuals who met Caesar. Like one of the most documented people in history.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's because they were written by four people who were immediately adjacent or friends of Jesus in life. Uh, the four that are admitted are, uh, Matthew, Matthew, Mark,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Uh, Matthew, Mark, and John were three apostles who lived with Jesus during His earthly ministry, so everything they say is a first-hand account. You can read those three books and you will see quotes between them that all three of them recorded at different times that are off by like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A consonant or like a one or two ofs or these, like all three of them wrote almost word for word, the exact same stories that Jesus did. So they all corroborate each other.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only one that wasn't one of the apostles was Luke.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Luke was a doctor who was living in Jerusalem at the time and became a follower of Jesus after his death, or at least publicly a follower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Luke, who was a doctor who had all of these resources, went to the 12 apostles and spent


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the only reason the four gospels are in the Bible is because they are without a shadow of a doubt, you know, concentric in everything they do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How many stories are there of, Oh, well, Mark Twain was by the river and he met this boy and he said this, you know, someone made up cause Mark Twain's like a historical figure. Imagine what would have been made up about Jesus Christ. Like, you know, in anyone who gets an inclination to write something would be willing to write it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a lot of stories about Jesus that were written around the time.