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[Assistant] A few moments later, an attendant entered and offered up to Dong Zhuo a red platter carrying the head of Zhang Wen.


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[Assistant] By now everyone was scared out of their wits, but Dong Zhuo laughed and reassured them.


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[Assistant] Have no fear. Jiang Wen was collaborating with Yuan Shu to assassinate me.


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[Assistant] But a message from Yuan Shu was mistakenly delivered to my son Lyu Bu. That's why I had Jiang Wen executed. It had nothing to do with you all, so don't worry.


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[Assistant] But you have to imagine it's a little hard to take Dong Zhuo's words to heart, given his past actions and the sight of a colleagues severed head on a platter. And so it was the case for one of the officials, Wang Yun, the Minister of the Interior.


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[Assistant] When he got home, Wang Yun couldn't help but think about what happened during the banquet, and it made him restless all night. The moon shined brightly on this night.


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[Assistant] With the help of a walking stick, Wang Yun strolled into his rear garden.


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[Assistant] There, standing by a rose trellis, he looked up toward the heavens and wept.


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[Assistant] Suddenly, he heard moans and sighs coming from the peony pavilion.


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[Assistant] He silently walked over to investigate and saw that it was Diao Chan, a singing girl in his service.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun had taken Diao Chan in since she was a child and treated her like his own daughter.


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[Assistant] After listening to Diao Chan sigh for a while, Wang Yun spoke up. You wretched girl, are you pining for someone? Startled, Diao Chan dropped to her knees and replied, I would never dare.


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[Assistant] If that is the case, why are you sighing here in the middle of the night? Please allow me to explain and tell you what's on my mind. Alright, hold nothing back. Tell me the truth.


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[Assistant] You have taken me in, raised me, taught me song and dance, and treated me with kindness and generosity, Diao Chan said.


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[Assistant] Recently, I have noticed that your brows are always furrowed with worry.


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[Assistant] I suspected that it must be about some important affairs of state, but I dare not ask.


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[Assistant] Tonight, I saw that you were restless. That's the reason for the lament that you saw.


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[Assistant] If I can be of any use, I would never refuse, even if it means 10,000 deaths.


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[Assistant] Upon hearing this from Diao Chen, Wang Yun struck the ground with his walking stick and said,


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[Assistant] Wang Yun then asked Diao Chan to follow him to one of the rooms in the house. There, he dismissed all the attendants.


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[Assistant] Once they were gone, Wang Yun asked Diao Chan to take a seat.


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[Assistant] Diao Zhan immediately prostrated herself on the ground and asked the reason for Wang Yun's actions.


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[Assistant] Please, take pity upon the people of the Empire, Wang Yun said, as tears flowed like springs from his eyes.


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[Assistant] The common people are in dire straits, the emperor and his ministers are on the brink of disaster, and you are the only one who can save us, Wang Yun said. The traitor Dong Zhuo intends to usurp the throne, and no one in the court can stop him.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo has an adopted son named Lyu Bu, who is an extremely valiant warrior.


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[Assistant] Both of them strike me as slaves to their lust, so I want to say double snare for them.


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[Assistant] First, I will promise your hand in marriage to Li Bu, and then I will offer you to Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] Then you will be in a position to turn them against each other and get Lyu Bu to kill Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] That would eliminate a great scourge, stabilize the dynasty, and reestablish the empire. And it would all be thanks to you. Are you willing to go through with it?


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[Assistant] I have already promised to not refuse, even if it means 10,000 deaths, Delchan said.


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[Assistant] Please offer me to them at once. I know how to proceed.


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[Assistant] If word of this plan leaks out, it would mean the extermination of my entire clan. Wang Yuan, caution. My lord.


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[Assistant] Do not fear. If I cannot fulfill my duty, may I die by ten thousand cuts.


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[Assistant] Upon this promise from Diao Chen, Wang Yun bowed again to thank her. The next day, he set to work.


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[Assistant] First, he got a number of fine pearls that he had in his possession and hired a skilled craftsman to mount them on a golden headdress.


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[Assistant] He then sent a courier to secretly deliver this gift to Lyu Bu.


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[Assistant] Li Bu was delighted by this offering and went to Wang Yun's residence to thank him in person. Wang Yun prepared a feast for the occasion. When Li Bu arrived, Wang Yun greeted him outside the front door and welcomed him into the rear chamber, which in an ancient Chinese home is the private apartment. There, Wang Yun offered Li Bu the seat of honor. I am but a soldier in the service of the Prime Minister.


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[Assistant] Whereas you, sir, are a high minister of the court, Lyu Bu said.


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[Assistant] This fine little piece of suck-up made Li Bu even happier, and Wang Yun just kept pouring it on.


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[Assistant] offering him wine time and again while singing Dong Zhuo's praises.


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[Assistant] Li Bu laughed and drank heartily. After a while, Wang Yun dismissed all the attendants except for a few maids to pour wine.


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[Assistant] After they had been drinking for a while, Wang Yun called out to his servant, Go summon my daughter.


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[Assistant] A few moments later, two maids escorted Diaochan into the room, and she was dressed to impress. Li Bu was startled by her beauty and asked who she was.


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[Assistant] General, you have shown me greater favor than I deserve.


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[Assistant] As if we were family. So I wanted her to meet you.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun then ordered Diao Chan to pour wine for Lyu Bu.


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[Assistant] As Diao Chan handed a cup to Li Bu, the two of them exchanged suggestive glances.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun now pretended to speak as if he were a little drunk.


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[Assistant] My child, come have a few cups of wine with the general. Our entire family is dependent on him.


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[Assistant] Upon this suggestion, Li Bu will offer the seat to Diao Chan.


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[Assistant] So, Diaochan oh so reluctantly stayed.


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[Assistant] But instead of sitting by Lyu Bu, she took a seat next to Wang Yun. Lyu Bu gazed at her unflinchingly.


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[Assistant] I would like to offer this dollar to you as a concubine.


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[Assistant] Well this was exactly what Lyu Bu had been waiting for and hoping for. He immediately got out of his seat and bowed.


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[Assistant] If you do that, sir, I will repay you by serving you as loyally as a dog and a horse.


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[Assistant] Great. I will pick an auspicious day soon and have her delivered to your residence.


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[Assistant] Li Bu was joyous beyond belief and fixed his gaze on Diao Chan while she reciprocated with her own suggestive signs.


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[Assistant] But I'm worried that the prime minister would get suspicious.


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[Assistant] Even though he has to wait a while to hold the object of his affection, Lyu Bu was still on cloud nine. He bowed three times to express his thanks before taking his leave.


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[Assistant] So step one of Wang Yun's plan has gone off without hitch, and now he needs to get the other fish to bite.


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[Assistant] A few days later, when he saw Dong Zhuo at court, and while Lyu Bu wasn't around, Wang Yuan kneeled in front of Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] Would your excellency care to dine in my humble abode? he asked.


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[Assistant] If you're asking, of course I will go. Don't draw a reply.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun thanked Dong Zhuo for the honor and went home to prepare a feast in the main hall of his residence that included delicacies from the land and the sea. The floor was covered with embroidered cloth.


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[Assistant] And drapes were hung inside and outside the hall. Around noon the next day, Dong Zhuo arrived.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun put on his court robes and went out to welcome him and kneeled in front of him.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo dismounted from his chariot and was escorted into the hall by a hundred-some armed guards who lined up in two rows. Before the host and the guests took their seats, Wang Yun kneeled again.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo ordered his men to help Wang Yun to his feet and lead him to the seat next to Dong Zhuo's.


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[Assistant] Your Excellency's magnificent virtue is so towering that not even the great ministers of old like Yi Yin and Zhou Gong can match.


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[Assistant] Now thanks to the first supplemental episode, you already know who Yi Yin was. And the other guy that Wang Yun mentioned, Zhou Gong, is another name for Jiang Ziya.


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[Assistant] Whom we mentioned earlier in the episode as the First Minister to have been given the honorific title of Honorary Father.


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[Assistant] So this was some real industrial strength bootlicking by Wang Yun, and it made Dong Zhuo very happy.


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[Assistant] And he thoroughly enjoyed himself while Wang Yun continued to shower him with compliments throughout the feast.


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[Assistant] As day turned into night and the two had drunk a good amount, Wang Yun invited Dong Zhuo into the rear chamber, and Dong Zhuo followed while telling his guards to stay behind.


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[Assistant] Recently, the night sky has told me that the fortunes of the house of Han are at an end.


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[Assistant] Your Excellency's accomplishments and virtues are well known throughout the Empire.


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[Assistant] If you follow the example of the ancient sage rulers Xun and Yu and accept the abdication of the sovereign,


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[Assistant] Wang Yuan basically just told Dong Zhuo that if he took the throne, he would be the equal of King Solomon.


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[Assistant] You can imagine that Dong Zhuo was very pleased by such a comparison. But for propriety's sake, he had to put on a show of humility.


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[Assistant] I could imagine that both he and Wang Yun probably had to try really hard to keep from bursting into laughter.


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[Assistant] Ever since ancient times, those who rule wisely have displaced those who rule poorly, Wang Yun said.


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[Assistant] And the unvirtuous yields to the virtuous, so you would not be out of line. Dong Zhuo now dropped his guard and laughed.


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[Assistant] If the mandate of heaven really does favor me...


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[Assistant] Then you would be one of the founders of my dynasty.


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[Assistant] Wang Yuan going with the flow bowed and thanked Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] He then ordered that candles be lit in the room and only kept some maids around to serve food and wine. He then offered some choice entertainment to Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] The run-of-the-mill musicians are not worthy of your excellency's ears.


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[Assistant] Accompanied by pipes and reeds, Diao Chan began to dance, and what a dance it was. Now in the novel, there are a couple of poems describing the scene, but I'm not going to recite them here.


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[Assistant] Because they're full of cultural references that would take too long to explain. Suffice it to say, it was a bewitching performance. When the dance was over, Dong Zhuo summoned Diao Chan to come closer.


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[Assistant] So Diao Chan came through the curtain and bowed deeply.


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[Assistant] Wang Yuan then ordered Diao Chan to pick up the sandalwood blocks, tap out a rhythm, and sing a song.


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[Assistant] It was another dazzling performance that left Dong Zhuo praising her non-stop. When the song was over,


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[Assistant] You are truly a goddess, Dong Zhuo said.


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[Assistant] Seeing his opportunity, Wang Yun got up to close the deal. Minister.


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[Assistant] If you like this girl, I would like to offer her to you. How can I ever repay you for such a treasure?


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[Assistant] It is her good fortune to be able to serve the Prime Minister. Dong Zhuo thanked Wang Yun again and again.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun then ordered his servants to prepare the carriage to send Diao Chan to the Prime Minister's residence immediately. Dong Zhuo also got up to take his leave.


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[Assistant] Wang Yun escorted him all the way back to his residence before taking his leave.


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[Assistant] So everything is going exactly according to plan so far for Wang Yun.


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[Assistant] Li Bu and Dong Zhuo have both fallen hard for the girl.


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[Assistant] And she is now in position to stir up resentment between them.


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[Assistant] However, before Wang Yun had gotten halfway home, he saw two rows of red lanterns approaching, with Lyu Bu following on his horse with Halberd in hand.


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[Assistant] Well, that didn't take long for Wang Yun's plan to fall apart.


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[Assistant] To find out his fate, tune in next time on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. This is episode 3.


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[Assistant] Before we pick up where we left off, I have a quick programming note for those of you who haven't seen it on the website yet. I have decided to scale back the length of episodes. Each of the first two episodes came in at nearly 40 minutes, and they felt long when I was writing them, recording them, editing them, and listening to them.


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[Assistant] When I'm talking from a script for a long time, I have a tendency to fall back into reading rather than talking, and I want to avoid that. So I'm going to try to keep future episodes to between 25 and 30 minutes.


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[Assistant] I think that will make the episodes easier for me to produce and result in a better product for you.


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[Assistant] It does mean, however, that it will take longer to get through the entire novel, but hey, when your project starts out being at least a three-year commitment, what's a few more months, right? So anyway, back to the story.


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[Assistant] At the end of the last episode, we were knee-deep in palace intrigue as a power struggle had broken out at the very top of the Empire. Emperor Ling had just died.


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[Assistant] He had two sons, and both of them were just kids at this point. The eunuchs were planning to make one son, Prince Liu Xie, the heir. But the regent marshal He Jin, the brother of the empress, beat them to the punch and declared her son, Prince Liu Bian, the new emperor.


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[Assistant] But the eunuch's silver tongue charmed the Empress, and in a moment of, what the heck were you thinking? He Jin was persuaded by his sister to not exterminate the eunuchs, even though that would've been the sensible thing to do to political rivals who were, you know, trying to kill you. He Jin will regret that decision soon enough.


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[Assistant] But for a day at least, it was fast times in the Han court for members of the Hug faction.


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[Assistant] He Jin and his sister, who is now the Emperor's Dowager, wielded the real power behind the throne. He Jin was named Chair of the Secretariat, which is a powerful position, and all his allies received high offices as well.


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[Assistant] This, as you can imagine, had their rival faction concerned. At the head of this rival faction was Empress Dowager Dong, who was the mother of the emperor who had just died.


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[Assistant] She had taken the elder prince, Liu Xie, into her care years ago after his mother was poisoned by Empress He.


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[Assistant] Seeing her rivals now sucking up all the political power, Empress Dowager Dong summoned Zhang Rang and the other eunuchs.


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[Assistant] I was the one who first recommended He Jin's sister to the late emperor, she told him.


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[Assistant] But now her son is on the throne, and all the officials are their friends. They have too much influence. What should I do?


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[Assistant] Your highness should go to court and oversee state affairs from behind the curtain, Zhang Ran replied.


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[Assistant] Make Prince Liu Xie a lord, give your brother Dong Zheng a high rank in control of the army, and entrust us with important tasks. That will put you in control.


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[Assistant] Now, when Zhang Rong said that the Emperor's Dowager should preside over state affairs from behind the curtain, he was not speaking just metaphorically.


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[Assistant] In ancient China, women were not supposed to appear in court and discuss politics.


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[Assistant] However, like most societies throughout history that had such gender-based taboos just because women were not supposed to have political power, it didn't follow that they had no political power.


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[Assistant] In fact, when there was a young emperor on the throne, oftentimes the emperor's dowager was the one pulling the strings. But when these powerful women appeared in court, to avoid shocking the stodgy sensibilities of the court ministers, they would often sit behind a curtain that hid them from view.


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[Assistant] It's kind of silly since everybody at court knew what was going on, but I guess it's a matter of out of sight, out of mind.


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[Assistant] So the next day, Empress Dowager Dong did the curtain thing and declared that Prince Liu Xie will be the Lord of Chen Liu. She named her brother Dong Zheng the General of the Flying Cavalry and gave him control of the military.


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[Assistant] She also allowed Zhang Rang and company to resume their meddling in state affairs. So just two days, TWO DAYS, after He Jin had spared their lives, the eunuchs had already undermined his power.


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[Assistant] So she invited Empress Dowager Dong to a banquet.


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[Assistant] In the middle of the banquet, Empress Dowager He rose and offered a cup to her guest and said,


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[Assistant] We are women. It's not appropriate for us to meddle in state affairs. Remember how a thousand people in Empress Liu's clan were exterminated because she held power.


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[Assistant] We should be content with our palatial pleasures and leave politics to the ministers.


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[Assistant] That would be a boon for the Empire. I hope you will take my advice.


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[Assistant] So who was this Empress Lü that got her whole clan wiped out?


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[Assistant] She was the wife of Liu Bang, the founder of the Han dynasty.


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[Assistant] After Liu Bang's death, she became the power behind the throne and filled the ranks of government with members of her own clan, with the idea that her family would eventually supplant the Liu family.


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[Assistant] However, after she died, the tables turned, her clan came out on the losing end of a political struggle, and was wiped out. So not too surprisingly,


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[Assistant] Empress Dowager Dong became enraged at this piece of no-doubt well-meaning advice from her rival.


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[Assistant] You poisoned Lady Wong out of jealousy, and now just because your son is on the throne and your brother is in power, you think you can speak to me with such insolence? It would be no trouble at all for my brother to chop off your brother's head, you know.


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[Assistant] And the conversation went downhill real fast from there, with lots of name calling going back and forth, before Zhang Rong and the other eunuchs persuaded the two ladies to retire to their palaces.


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[Assistant] But Emperor Stowager Her was not about to just let this go.


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[Assistant] This memorial said that because Empress Dowager Dong was only the foster mother of the Lord Chen Liu, it's not proper for her to live in the Imperial Palace. She should be immediately moved to her native fiefdom of Hejian.


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[Assistant] This would, of course, remove her from the protection of her allies in the capital.


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[Assistant] At the same time that Empress Dowager Dong was being removed from the palace, Imperial guards surrounded the home of her brother to confiscate his seal of office.


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[Assistant] Knowing that all was lost, he committed suicide. The guards did not disperse until they heard his family wailing over his death. So Emperor Staliger Dong's faction had fallen. But what about the eunuchs Zhang Rong and Duan Gui?


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[Assistant] Who have been the ones that advised her to make her doomed play for power in the first place.


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[Assistant] Well, like rats and cockroaches, men like them seem to have an innate talent for surviving mass extinctions.


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[Assistant] With their patroness now gone, the two eunuchs set to work weaseling their way into the good graces of their former rivals. They heaped extravagant gifts on He Jin's younger brother He Miao and his mother. That convinced the two of them to put in a good word for the eunuchs with Empress Dowager He, and she took them under her protection.


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[Assistant] So once again, Zhang Rang and company were back on the winning team and scheming and plotting just like before.


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[Assistant] In the sixth month of that year, He Jin took a page out of his sister's playbook and hid the exiled Empress Dowager Deng poison.


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[Assistant] When her body was brought back to the capital for burial in the imperial tombs, He Jin called in and said, uh, yeaah, I woke up with a real bad headache, can't come in today, sorry. And skipped the funeral. But these actions would have consequences.


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[Assistant] One day, Yuan Shao went to see He Jinns said,


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[Assistant] The eunuchs Jiang Rong and Duan Gui are spreading rumors that you were responsible for Empress Dowager Dong's death, and that you're trying to usurp the throne. If you don't take this opportunity to get rid of them, they will come back and bite you down the road.


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[Assistant] Remember Dou Wu and Chen Fan, advisors to the previous emperor. They wanted to eliminate the eunuchs, but their plan leaked out and they paid with their lives. Right now, you and your brother have many capable officers under your command. If you call on them, it will be easy to get rid of the eunuchs.


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[Assistant] Let me think it over, said He Jin, being his typical indecisive self.


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[Assistant] While He Jin was taking his sweet time trying to make up his mind, his servants overheard the conversation and informed Zhang Rang. And Zhang Rang then passed this on to He Miao along with more gifts to ensure that he would speak up for the eunuchs.


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[Assistant] So He Miao went to speak with his sister. The general is the main backer for the new emperor. But instead of showing mercy and kindness, he is planning a slaughter. If he kills the eunuchs without cause, it may bring unrest.


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[Assistant] The Empress Dowager agreed. A little later, when He Jin came to tell her of his plans to kill the eunuchs, she argued with him.


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[Assistant] It's been the tradition of the Han Dynasty that eunuchs manage palace affairs.


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[Assistant] The late emperor just died and you're already trying to kill his old servants? That is disrespectful to our ancestors.


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[Assistant] So He Jin, flip-flopping yet again, murmured his agreement and left. When he saw Yuan Shao again, Yuan Shao eagerly asked what the plan was. The Emperor's Dowager would not allow it. What can I do?


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[Assistant] You can summon warriors from around the empire to lead their forces to the capital and wipe out the Scourge. Then it won't be up to the Emperor's Dowager anymore.


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[Assistant] That's a great idea, said He Jin, changing his mind yet again, so he ordered the armies from around the empire be called to the capital. However, Secretary Chen Lin objected to this.


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[Assistant] You must not! Right now, by virtue of the Emperor and the army under your control, you can do as you please. With that kind of power, taking down the Unix will be like burning a hair over a furnace. Easy. You just need to act swiftly, and the Empire will be with you.


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[Assistant] On the other hand, if you bring armies from the provinces to the capital, you're gathering all these daring warriors in one spot, and they all have their own agenda. That's like gripping your own weapon by the sharp end.


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[Assistant] Not only will the plan fail, but it will also cause chaos.


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[Assistant] That is the view of a bookworm, He Jing scoffed. Just then, someone suddenly clapped his hands and laughed.


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[Assistant] Why do we even need to sit around and talk about this? Solving this problem is as easy as turning over your hand. Everyone turned and saw that it was Cao Cao who had spoken, and he continued.


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[Assistant] The eunuchs are a disease that has lingered for ages, but it has gotten this bad because the emperors have shown them misguided favoritism and given them too much influence. If you want to bring them down, then all you need to do is eliminate their leaders.


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[Assistant] For that, a mere jailer would be enough. There is no need to bring in troops from the provinces and cause chaos. If you try to wipe out all the Unix, the plan will most certainly leak out and fail.


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[Assistant] These words, though, fell on deaf ears. He Jin reproached Cao Cao. Do your sympathies lie with the eunuchs?


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[Assistant] So why would He Jin suspect this? Well one, he's an idiot.


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[Assistant] But two, remember that Cao Cao's father was adopted by a eunuch, which was not exactly the most prestigious of ancestries.


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[Assistant] So what He Jin just said was kind of a knock on Cao Cao's heritage.


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[Assistant] Upon hearing this remark, Cao Cao took his leave. As he walked away from the meeting, he sighed to himself.


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[Assistant] The one who throws the world into chaos will surely be He Jin.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, He Jin dispatched secret letters to commanders stationed around the empire, summoning them to the capital.


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[Assistant] One of these summons went to Xi province, where the army was under the command of an old friend of ours, Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] Remember that this was the guy who was sent to replace one of the Imperial commanders during the Yellow Turban Rebellion.


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[Assistant] But he lost every time he took the field, and once had to get bailed out by Liu Bei and his brothers. But when he found out that they didn't hold any office or rank, Dong Zhuo slighted them, and that almost made Zhang Fei kill him.


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[Assistant] He lived though, and kept losing, so much so that he was replaced in the field. Now, after a failure of that magnitude, you would expect for there to be consequences.


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[Assistant] But Dong Zhuo bribed the Unix, and they saw to it that he was let off the hook.


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[Assistant] Not only that, later on, thanks to his connections at court,


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[Assistant] He was actually promoted time and again, all the way to Imperial Protector of Xi Province, where he commanded a force of 200,000.


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[Assistant] Basically, Dong Zhuo was the poster child for failing upward in the Han court. Considering his character and the size of the army at his command,


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[Assistant] So when he got the letter from He Jinseng, hey, bring your ginormous army to the capital.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo was overjoyed. I mean, He Jin just gave him all the excuse he needed to not only go to the capital, but bring his military with him.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo also had with him an advisor who was also a son-in-law, Li Ru. Li Ru cautioned him.


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[Assistant] Even though we have been summoned, there are still a lot of vagaries about this whole situation. We should first submit a memorial that clearly states our intentions. Then we can proceed.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo took this advice and sent the following to the court.


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[Assistant] Your servant has heard that the continuing rebellions in the Empire owe their origin to Jiang Rong and the regular attendants of the Inner Bureau, who act counter to all that is proper.


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[Assistant] The best way to stop a pot from boiling over is not to keep scooping water out of it, but to put out the fire.


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[Assistant] Removing an abscess may be painful, but it's better than leaving it and nourishing the disease. Therefore, I have been so bold as to lead an army toward the capital. With your permission, I will remove Zhang Rang and company from power. May heaven bless the empire.


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[Assistant] When He Jin received this memorial, he showed it to the court ministers. One of the ministers, Zheng Tai, cautioned him.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo is a wolf. If you let him into the capital, he will surely start eating people.


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[Assistant] But He Jin dismissed this advice. You are too suspicious. There's no point discussing important matters with you.


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[Assistant] More than half of the ministers follow suit, deciding to get out before things got bad.


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[Assistant] He Jin, undaunted, sent a welcoming party to meet Dong Zhuo at Lake Sheng Chi outside the capital.


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[Assistant] And Dong Zhuo stationed his forces there for the time being.


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[Assistant] The news of a massive army marching toward the capital quickly reached Zhang Rong and the other eunuchs.


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[Assistant] They gathered and decided that it was either He Jin or them at this point, so they laid out an ambush of 50 armed guards at the Gate of Grand Virtue outside the Palace of Happiness, which is the residence of the Empress Dowager. Then they went in and told her,


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[Assistant] The Regent Marshal has summoned troops from the provinces to the capital. He means to exterminate us. Please have mercy.


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[Assistant] Well, you can go apologize to the Regent Marshal and beg for his forgiveness.


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[Assistant] If we go to his home, we will surely be killed, your highness.


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[Assistant] Please summon the Regent Marshal to the palace so we can apologize to him here.


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[Assistant] Otherwise, you might as well kill us right here, right now.


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[Assistant] The Emperor's Dowager fell for this act and summoned He Jin.


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[Assistant] And He Jin was about to head to the palace, but Secretary Chen Lin tried to stop him.


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[Assistant] This summon must be the work of the Unix. You can't go. If you do, there will surely be trouble.


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[Assistant] But it's a summon from the Emperor's Dowager. What trouble could there be?


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[Assistant] Well at this point, He Jin's officers are probably all doing face palms left and right. I mean, how dense can you be, right?


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[Assistant] Sir, if you must go, let me and a squad of armed guards go with you, just in case. Yuan Shao pleaded.


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[Assistant] He Jin agreed to this, so Yuan Shao and Cao Cao each gathered 500 of their best men and put them under the command of Yuan Shao's younger brother, Yuan Shu.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shu donned his armor and led the troops to the outer gates of the panel's compound. From there, Yuan Shao and Cao Cao, both wearing their swords, escorted He Jin to the emperor's dowager's residence.


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[Assistant] Here, however, an officer from the Interior Bureau announced


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[Assistant] The Empress Dowager only summoned a Regent Marshal. No one else may enter.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao and Yuan Shao had no choice but to wait at the entrance, since this is the residence of the Empress Dowager after all. So He Jin went in alone and strutted to the gate of grand virtue. Suddenly,


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[Assistant] Zhang Rang, Duan Gui and their followers jumped out and surrounded the stunned He Jin. Zhang Rang scolded He Jin.


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[Assistant] What crime did the Emperor's Dowager don't commit that you had to poison her?


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[Assistant] And then you dare to pretend to be sick and skip her funeral. You were a butcher, a nobody. We raised you up and brought you fortune and honor. But instead of trying to repay our kindness, you tried to kill us.


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[Assistant] He Jin panicked and tried to find a way out, but all the palace gates had been shut.


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[Assistant] And the Unix armed guards jumped out from hiding and cut him in half. A poem later bemoaned.


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[Assistant] Closing the days of the Huns and the years of their rule were near spent.


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[Assistant] Stupid and tactless was He Jin, yet stood he highest in office.


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[Assistant] Many were they who advised him, but he was deaf and he heard not. Wherefore fell he a victim under the swords of the eunuchs.


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[Assistant] So the moral of this story here seems to be that if you want to get your own poem in this novel, you either have to be really kick-ass, like Liu Bei and his brothers, or a complete dunce, like He Jin.


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[Assistant] So meanwhile, He Jin's officers were still waiting outside. After a while, they shouted, General, your carriage awaits.


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[Assistant] At this, an object flew over the wall and landed on the ground.


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[Assistant] The officers looked and saw that it was He Jin's head. Zhang Rang then read a decree out loud. He Jin was conspiring to rebel.


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[Assistant] He has been brought to justice, but his followers shall be spared.


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[Assistant] Then one of He Jin's generals, Wu Kuang, set fire to the gate, while Yuan Shu and his force of a thousand men stormed the palace. Wherever they went, they killed every eunuch they could find, no questions asked.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shao and Cao Cao broke into the inner chamber where four of the regular attendants were cornered and cut to pieces. By now the palace was engulfed in flames


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[Assistant] Four other regular attendants, Zhang Rang, Duan Gui, Cao Jie, and Hou Lan, abducted the Emperor's dowager, the Emperor, and the Lord of Chen Liu, and fled out of the back of the compound toward the North Palace.


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[Assistant] While all this was going on, Lu Zhi, who had resigned from his post, was still at home and had not left the capital yet.


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[Assistant] When he heard about the palace uprising, he put on his armor, grabbed his spear, and rushed to the palace.


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[Assistant] He saw the unit Duan Gui dragging the Emperor's Dowager along, so he shouted, Duan Gui, you traitor! How dare you! Duan Gui turned and ran.


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[Assistant] While the Empress Dowager leaped out a window and was rescued.


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[Assistant] By this time, General Wu Kuang has slashed his way into the inner chamber, where he found He Jin's brother, He Miao, with sword in hand.


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[Assistant] Remember that this He Miao had taken a ton of bribes from the eunuchs and played his part in letting them sweet talk their way back into power. This was not lost on He Jin's men.


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[Assistant] He Miao conspired to kill his own brother. He should die with the others. Wu Kuang yelled. Others present shouted their agreement. He Miao tried to flee but it was too late. They surrounded him and cut him to smithereens. This though was not the end of it.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shao then orders soldiers to go track down the family members of the ten regular attendants and kill every last one of them.


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[Assistant] In the slaughter that followed, many innocent men were killed simply because they had no beer, which made rampaging soldiers mistake them for eunuchs.


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[Assistant] So finally, He Jin's officers have done what he should have done a long time ago, purge the eunuchs from the palace.


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[Assistant] So, good job everybody. High fives all around, let's go down to the corner inn, crack open a few jars of maltai, and take tomorrow off, right? Wait, what's that? Oh, the palace is still on fire? Well, throw some water on it and let's go. What? The leaders of the Unix are still unaccounted for?


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[Assistant] Well, I guess we'll have to send some troops out to look for them, don't we?


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[Assistant] So what did become of the eunuch Zhang Rong and the royal siblings? Find out in the next episode.


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[Assistant] In the meantime, be sure to drop by our website at ThreeKingdomsPodcast.com, spelled with the number 3. And let me know what you think of the show so far.


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[Assistant] I have also been posting maps of the key locations mentioned in each episode.


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[Assistant] And for this episode, I have also posted some links to additional information about Unix in ancient China and why it was so hard to get rid of them.


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[Assistant] Thanks for listening, see you next time on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 19.


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[Assistant] Before we get back into the story, I have a couple of quick notes. First, I noticed a sizable uptake in the website traffic the last few days due to an influx of visitors from the Something Awful forums, so welcome to all of you who discovered the show from there, and thank you for checking it out.


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[Assistant] Also, thanks to user Groucho Marxist for posting a link to the podcast on those forums.


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[Assistant] Second, I want to direct your attention to a new feature on the website.


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[Assistant] An interactive timeline of the events in the novel so far.


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[Assistant] The timeline will be updated as the podcast progresses.


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[Assistant] So go check it out at ThreeKingdomsPodcast.com. Spell with a number three.


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[Assistant] Last time, we left off with Cao Cao having just risen to the top of the political food chain.


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[Assistant] He had rescued the emperor from the traitors Li Jue and Guo Si.


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[Assistant] Moved the court to Xu Chang, was named region general and given all the important powers of government, and he placed his own people in all the key positions.


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[Assistant] This ascension to power called for a celebration, so Cao Cao held a feast in his private quarters where he gathered his strategists to not only celebrate, but also talk business.


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[Assistant] And his first order of business was to sell some old scores.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei has stationed his troops in Xu province and taken over control of the province, Cao Cao said. And recently, Li Bu went to join him after I defeated him, and Liu Bei stationed him at Xiao Pei.


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[Assistant] If these two work together and stir up trouble, they will be a thorn in our side. Does anyone have any ideas for eliminating them?


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[Assistant] Your Excellency, if you would lend me 50,000 troops, I will bring you the heads of Liu Bei and Lyu Bu, he said. Well, okay, we'll put that one in the maybe column. Does anyone else have any idea?


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[Assistant] General Xu, you are certainly brave, but you do not understand strategy, said Xun Yu, Cao Cao's chief advisor. It is best to avoid an armed conflict so soon after we move the court to Xuchang. I have a plan called Two Tigers Fighting for Food.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei may be overseeing Xu Province, but he hasn't been officially recognized.


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[Assistant] Your Excellency could petition the Emperor to officially appoint him


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[Assistant] The Imperial Protector of Xu Province, and then sent him a secret message instructing him to kill Lyu Bu.


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[Assistant] If Liu Bei succeeds, then he will be left without a fearsome warrior to help him.


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[Assistant] If he fails, then Li Bu will certainly kill him.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao agreed with Xun Yu and petitioned the emperor to send a decree to Xu province, bestowing a general ship on Liu Bei, giving him a fief in Yicheng, and naming him the imperial protector of Xu province.


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[Assistant] Along with the decree, the messenger also carried a secret letter written by Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, in Xu province, Liu Bei had heard that the emperor had moved to Xu Chang, and was just about to send a memorial to congratulate his majesty, when he got word that a messenger from the emperor had arrived.


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[Assistant] So Liu Bei went out of the city to welcome the messenger, prostrated on the ground to receive the imperial decree, and then treated the messenger to a banquet. During the banquet, the messenger told Liu Bei,


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[Assistant] This gift from the emperor was all thanks to General Cao's recommendation.


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[Assistant] And Liu Bei told the messenger to convey his thanks to Cao Cao as well.


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[Assistant] The messenger then gave Liu Bei the secret letter he had been carrying. Upon reading it, Liu Bei said, Let me think about how to proceed.


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[Assistant] After the banquet, Liu Bei arranged guest quarters for the messenger, and then assembled his confidants to discuss the instructions in the letter. To Zhang Fei, it was a fairly simple matter.


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[Assistant] Liu Bu is a dishonorable dog, he said. So what's the problem with killing him?


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[Assistant] Sir, I have heard that you have received an Imperial appointment, so I have come to congratulate you. He said to Liu Bei as he entered.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao said you're a dishonorable man and instructed my brother to kill you. Jiang Fei answered.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei immediately scolded Zhang Fei and sent him away.


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[Assistant] He then led Lyu Bu into his private quarters and told him everything, and showed him the letter from Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] After reading the letter, Li Bu wept and said, That scoundrel Cao Cao is trying to turn us against each other.


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[Assistant] Don't worry, brother. I swear that I will never do such a dishonorable thing, Liu Bei assured him. Li Bu thanked Liu Bei time and again, and then they feasted until nightfall, at which point Li Bu went back to Xiao Pei.


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[Assistant] Once he left, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei came to ask Liu Bei why he didn't kill Liu Bu.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao is concerned that Lyu Bu and I will work together and declare war on him, Liu Bei said.


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[Assistant] That is why he used this scheme to try to make us turn on each other while he takes advantage. Why should we be his pawns?


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[Assistant] Guan Yu nodded in agreement with this assessment, but Zhang Fei was still not convinced it was the right decision.


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[Assistant] I still want to kill that bastard to eliminate any future trouble, he said.


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[Assistant] That is not the action of a real man, Liu Bei replied.


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[Assistant] The next day, the messenger set off on the return trip to the capital.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei saw him off, thanked him again, and gave him a letter to take back to Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] The letter just said that Liu Bei needed more time to do what Cao Cao requested, so don't call us and we will call you at some point in the distant future. Yeah, that's it.


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[Assistant] When the messenger returned to Xu Chang and told Cao Cao that Liu Bei did not kill Lyu Bu,


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[Assistant] Cao Cao asked Xun Yu if he had any other brilliant ideas, and it turned out that he did.


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[Assistant] It's called driving the tiger to swallow the wolf, Xun Yu said.


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[Assistant] I just can't help but wonder how much time these guys spend sitting around coming up with clever names for their plans. But in any case, Xun Yu explained the scheme to Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] Send a secret message to Yuan Shu and tell him that Liu Bei has secretly asked the court requesting permission to take over Yuan Shu's district, Nan Jun.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shu would no doubt be enraged by this and attack Liu Bei.


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[Assistant] At the same time, Your Excellency should publicly order Liu Bei to mount an expedition against Yuan Shu.


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[Assistant] When those two sides collide, it will be too tempting for Li Bu to not try something.


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[Assistant] His fiendishly clever plan delighted Cao Cao, and he sent a message to Yuan Shu and dispatched a decree in the name of the emperor to Xu province.


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[Assistant] The Imperial Decree arrived in Xu Province, ordering Liu Bei to attack Yuan Shu.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei accepted the order and sent the messenger back to the capital.


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[Assistant] This must be yet another trick from Cao Cao, said Mi Zhu, one of Liu Bei's advisors.


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[Assistant] So Liu Bei organized his troops and prepared to set out on an expedition against Yuan Shu.


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[Assistant] But before he left, he had to decide which of his two brothers to put in charge of the province while he was gone.


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[Assistant] Guan Yu volunteered, but Liu Bei said, I will need your console day and night. I cannot leave you behind.


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[Assistant] Well, that left only one other brother, and Zhang Fei also volunteered to stay and hold down the fort, but Liu Bei had reservations about this as well. You cannot defend this city, Liu Bei said.


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[Assistant] First of all, whenever you drink, you lose all good sense and start whipping soldiers. Secondly, you never take things seriously and always ignore other people's advice. I can't trust you.


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[Assistant] Well then, from now on, I will give up wine, stop beating soldiers, and listen to everyone's advice, Zhang Fei said.


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[Assistant] I'm sure everyone present was thinking, uhm, okay, whatever you say, Zhang Fei. Miju tried to phrase that somewhat nicely. You might not be able to live up to that promise, he said. But this riled up Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] In all the years that I have been following my brother, I have never broken my word. How dare you underestimate me!


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[Assistant] Well even though you have made this promise, Liu Bei said, I still feel uneasy. So I'll have Chen Deng assist you. Limit your drinking so you don't screw up.


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[Assistant] Chen Deng, who was probably silently lamenting that he had drawn the short straw, accepted the charge, and once all the arrangements were in place, Liu Bei set out for Nanyang, Yuan Shu's base of power, with 30,000 cavalry and infantry.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, Yuan Shu had gotten a message saying Liu Bei told the court that he intended to swallow his territory, and he was not amused.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei, you are but a lowly mat weaver and sandal maker, Yuan Shu said.


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[Assistant] You have the audacity to stake a claim on a large province and try to sit at the same table with the lords of the realm.


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[Assistant] I was just about to come wipe you out, and yet you dare to move against me first? How despicable!


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[Assistant] Because he had the smaller force, Liu Bei decided to set up camp by the water and hills. The two sides then lined up for combat. Ji Ling, who wielded a heavy trident, rode out and cursed Liu Bei.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei, you country bumpkin! How dare you encroach on our territory!


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[Assistant] I have been ordered by the emperor to punish an insubordinate servant, Liu Bei said.


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[Assistant] Resistance is a crime that warrants a punishment worse than death.


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[Assistant] This angered Ji Ling, and he rode toward Liu Bei, but Guan Yu shouted, Don't try to show off, you bastard! And he rode out to meet Ji Ling. The two fought for about 30 bouts without a winner, and Ji Ling shouted for a brief respite.


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[Assistant] Now calling a timeout in the middle of this life and death struggle seems kind of odd, but Guan Yu was pretty confident in his own skills, so he was like fine, whatever, and rolled back to his own lines to wait out the commercial break.


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[Assistant] Ji Ling, however, went back to his own lines and sent out a backup, a lieutenant named Xun Zheng, in his place.


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[Assistant] Go tell Ji Ling to come out himself and settle this with me, Guan Yu said.


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[Assistant] You are a no-name lackey. You are no match for General Ji. Xun Zheng retorted.


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[Assistant] Well, now this guy was just asking for it, and I rate Guan Yu galloped out and cut down Xun Zheng after just one bout.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei used the momentum to direct his army forward and routed Ji Ling. Ji Ling fell back to the mouth of the Huai Yin river. He did not dare to come out and fight again, and only sent his men to stage surprise attacks on Liu Bei's camp, but Liu Bei's army fought them off every time. So the two armies settled into a stalemate.


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[Assistant] With Liu Bei bogged down on the front lines, let's jump back to Xu Province and check in on Zhang Fei, since we obviously did not do all that foreshadowing about his drunken tendencies earlier for nothing.


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[Assistant] So ever since Liu Bei left, Zhang Fei left all the administrative matters to Chen Deng, while he concerned himself only with the military issues. One day, he invited all the officials to a feast. Once everyone was seated, Zhang Fei addressed them.


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[Assistant] Before he left, my brother told me to cut down on my drinking so as to avoid screwing things up.


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[Assistant] Today, everyone should drink our fill. Starting tomorrow, everyone must abstain from wine and help me defend the city. But today, we shall drink to our heart's content.


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[Assistant] What? What kind of warrior does not touch wine? Jiang Fei said. I insist that you drink one cup.


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[Assistant] Cao Pao was afraid of Zhang Fei's temper, so he forced down the cup. And that appeased Zhang Fei, at least for the moment. After he finished toasting all the officials, Zhang Fei switched to a giant goblet and chugged a few dozen goblets in a row.


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[Assistant] By now, he was wasted, but he got up to toast the officials again.


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[Assistant] When Cao Pao kept trying to decline, Zhang Fei got mad.


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[Assistant] You dare to disobey my order? You shall receive a hundred lashes!


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[Assistant] When Zhang Fei shouted for guards to seize Cao Pao, Chen Deng tried to intervene.


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[Assistant] Do you remember what Lord Liu said to you before he left?


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[Assistant] Look, you are a civil official. Just go take care of civilian matters. Don't get into my business. Cao Pao now beg Jiang Fei.


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[Assistant] Well, that was probably the worst answer Cao Pao could have given if he was trying to spare himself a beating. Zhang Fei went from mad to madder.


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[Assistant] I wasn't going to beat you, but then you tried to name drop Lyubu to scare me. So now I am definitely going to beat you, because when I beat you, I would be beating Lyubu.


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[Assistant] At this point, no attempted intervention was going to hold Zhang Fei back, and he gave Cao Pao 50 lashes before he stopped at the behest of everyone present.


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[Assistant] After the banquet, Cao Pao staggered home and, not surprisingly, seethed with hatred for Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] So he sent a message to Li Bu that night, telling him about Zhang Fei's outburst. The message also said,


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[Assistant] Liu Bei has already left. Tonight, you can take advantage of Jiang Fei's drunkenness and attack Xu Province. Do not miss this opportunity.


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[Assistant] When Li Bu got this message, he consulted with his advisor, Chen Gong.


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[Assistant] Xiao Pei is not a place to stay long term, Chen Gong said. We cannot miss this opportunity to take Xu province, or we will regret it.


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[Assistant] Li Bu agreed, so he donned his armor and set off with 500 cavalrymen, while Chen Gong followed with the main army, and the general Gao Xun led reinforcements in the rear.


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[Assistant] Xiao Pei wasn't that far from Xu Province, so it didn't take long for Li Bu to get there.


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[Assistant] It was about 1am when he arrived. The moon was shining brightly, and the sentries keeping watch were unaware of what was going on. Li Bu shouted from outside the city gate.


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[Assistant] I come bearing vital information from Lord Liu.


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[Assistant] On the city walls, Cao Pao's men reported this to him. Cao Pao took a look and immediately ordered the soldiers to open the gates.


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[Assistant] Li Bu gave the signal, and his men stormed into the city with a loud roar. While this was happening, Zhang Fei was passed out in his home. His attendants hurriedly woke him and reported that Li Bu had stormed the city. Zhang Fei flew into a rage, and he quickly donned his armor and grabbed his spear.


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[Assistant] No sooner had he gone outside and mounted his horse that Lyu Bu and his men arrived.


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[Assistant] At this time, Zhang Fei was still nursing a hangover and was not his usual ferocious self.


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[Assistant] But Lyu Bu also knew how fearsome Zhang Fei could be, so he didn't try to press him either. That allowed Zhang Fei, flanked by 18 personal guards, to fight his way out of the city through the east gate.


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[Assistant] In the midst of all this, he didn't have time to take anything with him, including Liu Bei's family.


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[Assistant] While Lyu Bu was content to let Zhang Fei go, Cao Pao had a score to settle.


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[Assistant] Figuring that he might have an advantage because Zhang Fei was drunk, he let about 100 men and gave chase.


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[Assistant] When Zhang Fei saw Cao Pao, he bubbled over with rage and galloped toward him.


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[Assistant] And even hung over, Zhang Fei was still a hundred times the warrior that Cao Pao was. After just three bouts, Cao Pao turned and fled. Zhang Fei caught up to him by the riverbank, stabbed him through the heart from behind, and both Cao Pao and his horse fell into the river and died.


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[Assistant] After letting off a low steam, Zhang Fei called to his soldiers from outside the city, and some of them fled out of the city and followed him as he went to find Liu Bei.


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[Assistant] Lyu Bu, meanwhile, restored order to the city after the night raid. He also stationed a hundred men around Liu Bei's residence in order that no one is allowed to enter.


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[Assistant] Zhang Fei, leading a few dozen riders, found Liu Bei and Xu Yi and told them what happened.


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[Assistant] Everyone present turned pale at the thought of their current quandary, but Liu Bei simply sighed and said, Easy come, easy go.


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[Assistant] Where are our sisters-in-law? When you ask Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei said nothing upon hearing this, but Guan Yu stamped his foot and scolded Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] Do you remember what you promised when you volunteered to defend the city? And what our brother told you?


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[Assistant] And now the city is lost, and our sisters-in-law are trapped. What now?


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[Assistant] Zhang Fei, in a moment of despair, pulled out his sword and put it to his own throat. But just as he was about to off himself, Liu Bei stepped forward and grabbed him, seized the sword, and threw it to the ground. There is an old saying, Liu Bei told Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] Brothers are like limbs, while wives and children are mere garments. If a garment is torn, it can be mended. But who can mend a severed limb?


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[Assistant] The three of us swore an oath in the peach garden to die together.


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[Assistant] Even though I have lost my city and my wives, how can I bear to go on without my brothers?


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[Assistant] Besides, the city was never really mine to begin with.


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[Assistant] And as for my family, I doubt Li Bu will harm them, so we can still find a way to save them.


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[Assistant] You made one mistake. It is not worth throwing away your life for.


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[Assistant] After these words, Liu Bei began to weep bitterly and Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were moved to tears as well. But Liu Bei's troubles were just beginning.


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[Assistant] When Yuan Shu got word that Lyu Bu had seized Xu Province, he immediately sent a messenger to see Lyu Bu, promising 50,000 bushels of grain, 500 horses, 10,000 ounces of gold and silver, and 1,000 bolts of silk, if Lyu Bu would attack Liu Bei.


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[Assistant] Lyu Bu, delighted by this offer, ordered Gao Shun to lead 50,000 men and attack Liu Bei's rear.


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[Assistant] When Liu Bei got this news, he took advantage of some bad weather to abandon Xu Yi and flee west toward Guangling.


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[Assistant] By the time Gao Shun arrived, Liu Bei was long gone. Gao Shun met up with Yuan Shu's general, Ji Ling, and asked him for all the swag that his master had promised in exchange for Lyu Bu attacking Liu Bei.


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[Assistant] Please return home for now, I will check with my master, Ji Ling Tou Gao Shun.


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[Assistant] Well, Gaoxuan fell for the oldest stall tactic in the book and led his army back to Xu province.


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[Assistant] When he told Li Bu what Ji Ling had said, Li Bu started to get suspicious.


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[Assistant] And then came a message from Yuan Shu which said,


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[Assistant] Even though you sent Gao Shen, Liu Bei remains at large.


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[Assistant] When we have captured Liu Bei, then I will deliver the promised goods.


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[Assistant] So yeaah, Yuan Shu just totally played Lyu Bu for a fool.


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[Assistant] Understandably angry at being had, Lyu Bu wanted to declare war on Yuan Shu, but Chen Gong advised against it.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shu has vast troops and ample grain at his base in Shouchun. We cannot underestimate him, Chen Gong said.


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[Assistant] Why don't we invite Liu Bei back and station him at Xiao Pei, so that he can serve us?


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[Assistant] Then, in the future, we can use him as our vanguard when we first attack Yuan Shu, and then eliminate Yuan Shao. At that point, we will rule the land.


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[Assistant] Li Bu took this advice and sent the message to Liu Bei, telling him that he's welcome to come back.


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[Assistant] This message came at a good time for Liu Bei, because when he was trying to take Guangling, his camp was raided by Yuan Shu and he lost more than half of his army.


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[Assistant] As he retreated, he ran into the boost messenger.


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[Assistant] Upon reading the letter, Liu Bei was delighted, but his brothers, not so much.


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[Assistant] Li Bu is a dishonorable man. We cannot trust him, they said.


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[Assistant] He is being sincere. I have no reason to doubt him, Liu Bei said.


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[Assistant] I'm sure that comment raised more than a few eyebrows, but nonetheless, Liu Bei was in charge, and he led his forces back to Xu Province.


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[Assistant] Fearing suspicion on Liu Bei's part, Li Bu first sent his disposable garment, I mean, wives, back to him.


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[Assistant] The two women told Liu Bei about how Lyu Bu had stationed men around their residence to protect them from intruders, and how Lyu Bu often sent supplies to them so that they lacked for nothing.


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[Assistant] See? I knew Lyu Bu would not harm my family. Liu Bei told Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] He then entered the city to thank Li Bu, but there was no way that Zhang Fei was going to do anything of the sort, so he just escorted Liu Bei's wife to Xiao Pei. When Liu Bei saw Li Bu and thanked him, Li Bu said,


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[Assistant] It's not that I wanted your city, it's just that your brother Jiang Fei was getting drunk and threatening to kill people. So I was afraid that something bad would happen, so I came to defend this city.


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[Assistant] Uhm, okay, that's one way to look at it, I guess. But give Liu Bei credit here, he just kind of rolled right along with his charade.


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[Assistant] I have long wanted to yield the province to you anyway, brother. He totally booed.


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[Assistant] At this point, Li Bu made some half-hearted attempt to return the province to Liu Bei, but of course Liu Bei insisted that he keep it, and went back to Xiao Pei.


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[Assistant] Li Bu provided him with supplies, and the two sides reconciled with each other.


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[Assistant] Guan Yu and Zhang Fei of course were not happy about the outcome. But Liu Bei told them.


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[Assistant] We must bend to the circumstances and accept our current lot while we wait for our time. We cannot fight fate.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei really should get a plaque with that phrase engraved on it, because that's going to be his MO for a while. But for now, he's settled back in Xiao Pei, and we are going to leave him and check in on a character whom we haven't heard from in a while.


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[Assistant] So in our story so far, there are three main characters who made their names first in pacifying Yellow Turban Rebels, and then as part of the coalition against Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] One was Cao Cao, who was currently riding high and running the court in Xuchang.


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[Assistant] Another was Liu Bei, who was riding, uhm, less high and running something in the tiny hamlet of Xiao Pei. The third was Sun Jian.


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[Assistant] The gallant warrior from the Southlands who was currently running nothing because he got himself killed a while back in a campaign against Liu Biao, the imperial protector of Jing Province.


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[Assistant] After Sun Jian died, his eldest son Sun Ce withdrew to the region south of the Yangzi River, where he began to recruit men of talent.


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[Assistant] But as might be expected of a family that had lost its strong patriarch, things got a bit rough.


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[Assistant] Sun Ce's maternal uncle, Wu Jing, the governor of Danyang, got into a squabble with Tao Qian, the late imperial protector of Xu province, and Sun Ce had to move his family to Qu'a while he himself went into Yuan Shu's service.


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[Assistant] Now Yuan Shu greatly admires Sun Ce's talents and often lament it.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shu made Sun Ce a commandant and sent him on expeditions against two rivals. Sun Ce returned triumphant, and as so happened, Yuan Shu was having a feast at the time for his officials.


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[Assistant] When he heard that Sun Ce He returned victorious, Yuan Shu summoned him and offered him a seat at the feast.


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[Assistant] But Yuan Shu obviously did something wrong during the banquet, because Sun Ce went away displeased and feeling that Yuan Shu had been condescending toward him.


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[Assistant] This bothered him so much that he paced around the moonlit inner courtyard that night.


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[Assistant] When he thought of the hero that his father had been, and how now he himself had fallen to a mere officer serving under someone else, he couldn't help but start weeping.


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[Assistant] Suddenly, a man came in from outside and laughed.


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[Assistant] Why are you acting like this? When your honorable father was alive, he often consulted me.


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[Assistant] So why do you not talk to me about what's bothering you instead of crying to yourself?


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[Assistant] Sun Ce looked up and saw that it was one of his father's former aides, Zhu Zhi. Sun Ce wiped away his tears, asked Zhu Zhi to sit down, and said,


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[Assistant] I was crying over the fact that I have not been able to realize my father's ambitions.


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[Assistant] Why don't you ask Yuan Xu to let you borrow some troops and go to the Southlands? Zhu Zhi suggested. You can say that you're going to help your uncle Wu Jing.


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[Assistant] I have overheard your conversation, he said. I have 100 strong soldiers under my command that can lend a hand.


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[Assistant] This man was Lü Fan, one of Yuan Shu's advisors. Sun Ce was delighted by his offer and asked him to sit and join the conversation. The only concern, Lü Fan said,


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[Assistant] It's that Yuan Shu might not be willing to lend you the troops.


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[Assistant] I still have the Imperial Hereditary Seal that my father left behind. I can use that as collateral, Sun Ce said.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shu has long desired that seal, Lü Fan said. If you use that as collateral, he will surely lend you the troops.


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[Assistant] Now in case you have forgotten, that seal was pretty much the reason for Sun Jian's death.


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[Assistant] He had founded in the ruins of Luoyang after Dong Zhuo had moved the capital.


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[Assistant] But Yuan Shao wanted the seal for himself and secretly asked Liu Biao to attack Sun Jian on his way home and to take the seal.


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[Assistant] That started the bad blood between Sun Jian and Liu Biao, and it was on an expedition to seek revenge against Liu Biao that Sun Jian met his end.


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[Assistant] So this was no small thing that Sun Ce was giving up. But in this case, he was giving up a symbolic token of empire in exchange for the resources to give him a chance to win an empire.


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[Assistant] The next day, Sun Ce went to see Yuan Shu. He prostrated himself on the ground and wept.


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[Assistant] My father's death remains unavenged, and now my maternal uncle, Wu Jin, is being bullied by Liu Yao, the imperial protector of Yang province. My family will surely come to harm.


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[Assistant] I would like to borrow a few thousand of your valiant soldiers and cross the river to save them. If you have any doubts, I can leave as collateral the Imperial Hereditary Seal that my father bequeathed to me. The mention of the seal got Yuan Shu's attention.


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[Assistant] And after he inspected it, he was more than happy to make the trade.


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[Assistant] I do not lust after your seal, he told Sun Ce, with as much a straight face as he could muster.


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[Assistant] But you can leave it here for now, and I will lend you 3000 soldiers and 500 horses. After you have pacified Liu Yao, return at once. Your current rank is too meager to command an army, so I will petition the court to give you a general ship and make you a commandant. You can pick a date and set out.


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[Assistant] Sun Ce thanked Yuan Xiu, picked up his 3,000 troops, gathered up Zhu Zhi, Lü Fan, and the old generals who had once served under his father, such as Huang Gai and Han Dang.


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[Assistant] On the designated date, he set out to do for himself what Cao Cao had done in the last few episodes, stake a claim to a corner of the empire, and make a name for himself.


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[Assistant] To see if he will succeed, tune in next time on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode.


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[Assistant] Before I go on, I should warn you that this episode contains spoilers. So if you don't know how the story turns out, and you don't like spoilers, then you should go and listen to episodes 25 and 26 before you listen to this one. Go on, I'll be here when you come back.


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[Assistant] Alright, so in episode 26, we witness the end of Lyu Bu. He's the first really significant player in our narrative to die.


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[Assistant] Dong Zhuo was an important figure to be sure, but he hung around for just a few episodes. Lyu Bu, on the other hand, was introduced back in episode 4, and just now left the narrative.


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[Assistant] Given his importance, I think it only right that we give him a proper send-off by taking a look at the real Lyu Bu versus the fictional one portrayed in the novel.


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[Assistant] And this is something that I want to do for other major players as well once they exit stage left from the narrative.


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[Assistant] Before we start, I should note that much of the historical information in this episode and future supplemental episodes on other key figures are sourced to two texts, the Book of the Later Han and Records of the Three Kingdoms.


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[Assistant] The Book of the Later Han covers the history of the Eastern Han Dynasty from the years 6 AD to 189 AD. The book was compiled during the 5th century, so a good 300 years after the events it covers.


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[Assistant] The compilation draws on a number of earlier sources, most of which have not survived to us intact.


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[Assistant] Records of the Three Kingdoms covers a period of about 100 years, from 184 to 280, so it spans the end of the Eastern Han and the entire Three Kingdoms period.


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[Assistant] We don't know when he was born, but we do have a date for his death, February 7th in the year 199.


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[Assistant] For the most part, the major events of his career as portrayed in the novel match up with what the historical accounts tell us. However, there are some key differences in the details.


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[Assistant] First, while he was a trusted officer of Ding Yuan's, there is no record of him being Ding Yuan's adopted son, so this was probably an embellishment added to accentuate his treacherous personality by establishing a pattern of patricide.


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[Assistant] He did, however, become Dong Zhuo's adopted son, and Dong Zhuo did convince him to kill Ding Yuan.


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[Assistant] As in the novel, Li Bu's prowess as a warrior was renowned, as evidenced by him being dubbed the Flying General.


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[Assistant] He did take part in the war against the coalition forces that rose up to oppose Dong Zhuo, but he did not get along with one of his lieutenants named Hu Zhen, and that contributed to his defeat at the hands of Sun Jian.


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[Assistant] Which then prompted Dong Zhuo to move the capital west.


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[Assistant] Now, as for the most famous part of Lyu Bu's story from the novel, his love affair with Diao Chan and his subsequent betrayal of Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] According to the historical record, Li Bu did turn against Dong Zhuo and was part of the conspiracy that killed him, and there was a woman involved, but truth was not nearly as dramatic as fiction in this case.


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[Assistant] Apparently there were two main reasons Lyu Bu turned on Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] First, Dong Zhuo had a terrible temper, and would often take it out on Lv Bu.


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[Assistant] One time, Dong Zhuo got so ticked off over some trifle of a thing that he hurled a short halberd at Lyu Bu, which made Lyu Bu detest him. But by all accounts, this did not happen in Dong Zhuo's garden, and it was not because he caught Lyu Bu with Diao Chan.


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[Assistant] The other reason for Li Bu's betrayal was the woman I mentioned. So Li Bu apparently was canoodling with one of Dong Zhuo's servant girls, but there is no mention of anyone named Diao Chan in the historical records, much less any mention of Wang Yun offering a woman first to Li Bu and then to Dong Zhuo to stir up trouble between them.


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[Assistant] In reality, Dong Zhuo was not even aware of Li Bu's affair with his servant girl.


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[Assistant] But Li Bu was mortified at the prospect of him finding out, and that in part drove him to join the conspiracy to kill Dong Zhuo. So what of Diao Chan?


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[Assistant] Interestingly, in Chinese, 雕 means the tail of a mink, while 禅 refers to a piece of jewelry in the shape of a cicada made from either jade or gold.


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[Assistant] These two items were parts of a popular style of headdress for generals and officials during the Qin dynasty, the Han dynasty, the Three Kingdoms period, and the historical eras immediately following them.


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[Assistant] And apparently, the term was kind of a popular alias among courtesans and singing girls. So the name could just be a literary embellishment, part of a fictional love triangle concocted for the purpose of better storytelling.


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[Assistant] After Dong Zhuo's death, Li Bu was indeed sent fleeing from the capital by Dong Zhuo's former lieutenants Li Jue and Guo Si.


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[Assistant] In fact, it is said that he fled with Dong Zhuo's head and toe.


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[Assistant] I guess he wanted a souvenir or a conversation starter.


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[Assistant] After he escaped, like in the novel, he first was turned away by Yuan Shu, and then wore out his welcome with Yuan Shao.


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[Assistant] In fact, there's a bit of historical drama with Yuan Shao here.


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[Assistant] When the relationship between the two began to turn sour, Li Bu got the feeling that Yuan Shao was planning to kill him.


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[Assistant] So instead of sticking around, he asked Yuan Shao for permission to return to Luoyang, the former capital.


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[Assistant] Yuan Shao agreed, but he also sent a squad of armed soldiers to, uhm, accompany Li Bu for... protection, I guess. Yeah, that's it.


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[Assistant] Well, Lyu Bu was naturally suspicious of this, so that night, he had someone sit in his tent and play the zither, an ancient string instrument, to give the appearance that he was there, but Lyu Bu himself skipped out.


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[Assistant] And sure enough, in the middle of the night, the soldiers made their move. They stabbed his bed repeatedly, only to be surprised when they found out that he had given them the slip.


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[Assistant] When Yuan Shao heard about the failed assassination, he sent another force to go chase after Li Bu and kill him for real this time.


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[Assistant] But the soldiers he sent were all afraid of Lybu, so even when they caught up, they kept their distance, and he managed to get away.


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[Assistant] Lyu Bu eventually ended up with Zhang Yang, the governor of Henei prefecture, but on his way there, he also came across Zhang Miao, the governor of Chenliu prefecture, and the two hit it off, which was how Lyu Bu came to be at the head of Zhang Miao's invasion of Cao Cao's territory later on.


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[Assistant] From there, the rest of Li Bu's career pretty much unfolded like it was described in the novel.


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[Assistant] He did fight and lose to Cao Cao, which forced him to seek refuge with Liu Bei in Xu province. He did take Xu province away from Liu Bei, and he did take Liu Bei back and station him as Xiao Pei.


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[Assistant] One thing that was surprised to find in the actual historical record was the episode where Lyu Bu stopped the war between Yuan Shu and Liu Bei by hitting his halberd with an arrow, because that just sounded like the perfect dramatic flair a novelist would pen. But it was real, apparently, so good for him.


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[Assistant] But the real-life Lyu Bu was also sold out by his advisors Chen Deng and Chen Gui, just like in the novel. And in the end, when Cao Cao had Lyu Bu trapped in Xia Pi, three of his officers, Hou Cheng, Song Xian, and Wei Xu, did turn on him.


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[Assistant] Although things ended slightly differently than in the novel, instead of capturing Li Bu and handing him over to Cao Cao, they actually captured his advisor Chen Gong and handed him over.


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[Assistant] As for Li Bu, when he saw that defeat was inevitable, he ordered his guards to kill him and bring his head to Cao Cao, but they could not bear to do it, so instead, he surrendered to Cao Cao in February 199.


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[Assistant] When Li Bu was brought in front of Cao Cao, he did indeed try to talk Cao Cao into sparing his life. But Liu Bei did remind Cao Cao of what happened to Li Bu's former masters, which prompted Li Bu to make his remark about big ears being dishonorable.


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[Assistant] After his execution, Lyu Bu's head, along with the heads of Chen Gong and his general Gao Xuan, were taken to Xu Chang as evidence of Cao Cao's service to the court, and then they were buried.


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[Assistant] Lyu Bu's final resting place is supposedly now a small overgrown mound in a wheat field in a small village in Xiuwu County in Henan Province.


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[Assistant] It is in an area with a number of burial mounds, and it is now part of the county's office for the preservation of cultural artifacts.


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[Assistant] Now of course, according to visitor's accounts that I have found online, there are no monuments or signs of any kind that verify that this is actually Lu Bu's grave, and I can't find a source for where that claim originated beyond just the fact that the people in the area say it is. So take it with a grain of salt.


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[Assistant] Alright, that closes the book on Libu, the historical figure and the literary character.


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[Assistant] I hope you enjoyed it, and I will see you next time on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. This is episode 30.


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[Assistant] Last time, Dong Cheng had fallen asleep during a dinner with Ji Ping, the royal physician.


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[Assistant] He was soon awoken by a visit from his fellow conspirators, who brought news that they had an opportunity to move against Cao Cao because security in the capital was light, as Cao Cao had to move all his troops out to fend off two massive invasions.


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[Assistant] So the conspirators armed all their servants, surrounded Cao Cao's home, and stormed in.


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[Assistant] Dong Cheng found Cao Cao's dining in the private quarters. Cao Cao, you rebel! Stay where you are! Dong Cheng shouted as he attacked.


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[Assistant] With one swing of his sword Cao Cao fell to the ground. And then Dong Cheng was startled from his slumber. It turned out that the whole thing was just a dream.


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[Assistant] But it was so real that Dong Cheng was still shouting, Tao Tao, you rebel!


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[Assistant] Well, Ji Ping, Dong Cheng's dinner guest, was still around, and he heard everything. So he stepped forward and shouted, Are you thinking of harming his excellency?


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[Assistant] Dong Cheng, still waking up, was panicked and at a loss for words, but Ji Ping immediately put his mind at ease.


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[Assistant] Do not fear, sir, Ji Ping said. I may be a mere doctor, but I have not forgotten about the Han.


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[Assistant] These past few days, I have seen you sighing, but did not dare to ask why.


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[Assistant] But now I figured it out from listening to what you were saying in your dream. Please do not try to deny it.


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[Assistant] If there is anything I can do to help, even if it means risking the lives of my entire clan, I would have no regrets. At this, Dongchun covered his face and wept.


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[Assistant] I worry that you are not being sincere, he said.


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[Assistant] Well, to prove his sincerity, Ji Ping bit one of his fingers to swear an oath.


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[Assistant] Check that, he did not just bite a finger, he bit off the tip of one of his fingers. So, ouch. And yea, I guess he's sincere alright. Now convinced, Dong Cheng showed Ji Ping the blood decree from the emperor.


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[Assistant] With Liu Bei and Ma Teng gone and our inability to come up with a plan, this operation seems destined to fail, Dong Cheng said. That is why I have fallen ill.


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[Assistant] Sir, there is no need to worry yourself, Ji Ping said. That rebel Cao Cao's life rests in my hands. He often suffers from severe migraines. Whenever that happens, he summons me to treat him.


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[Assistant] The next time he summons me, I just need to slip him some poison and he will be dead for sure, all without needing a single soldier.


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[Assistant] If that is the case, then you, sir, will be the savior of the Han dynasty, Dong Cheng exclaimed. With this plan in place, Ji Ping took his leave.


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[Assistant] Dong Cheng, feeling pretty upbeat now, returned to his private quarters. But there, he caught one of his servants, a man named Qin Qing Tong, whispering with one of his concubines in a secluded place.


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[Assistant] This ticked off Dong Cheng, and he immediately ordered his attendants to seize the two, and want to kill them for their disobedience and infidelity.


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[Assistant] But Dong Cheng should have invested in better locks and chains, because that night, Qin Qingtong managed to break out of his restraints, bust out of the room that he was being held in, and hopped over the outer wall of the compound to escape.


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[Assistant] And of course, he was in the mood for vengeance, so he went straight to Cao Cao's residence and said that he had something important to report. When Cao Cao summoned him, Qin Qing Tong said,


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[Assistant] Zhongji, Wu Shuo, and Ma Teng were convening in secret at my master's house. They must have been conspiring against your excellency. My master brought out a length of white cloth, but I did not know what was written on it. And recently, I also saw Ji Ping bite his finger and swear an oath.


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[Assistant] Upon receiving this intelligence, Cao Cao hid Qin Qingtong in his own home for the time being. For his part, Dong Cheng simply assumed that his servant had fled the city and did not pursue the matter further, which, yeaah, was a big mistake. The next day,


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[Assistant] Cao Cao pretended to have a migraine and summoned Ji Ping to treat him.


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[Assistant] Ji Ping, thinking that this was his chance, hit a pack of poison on him and went to Cao Cao's residence. Cao Cao was lying on his bed and ordered Ji Ping to treat him.


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[Assistant] This illness can be healed with one dose of medicine. He then began cooking the medicine.


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[Assistant] When it was ready, Ji Ping slipped in the poison and personally brought the potion to Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] Well, Cao Cao figured the medicine was poisoned, so he hemmed and hauled and stalled.


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[Assistant] You should drink it while it's hot, so that it will be most effective, Ji Ping said.


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[Assistant] You are familiar with Confucian texts and the proprieties, Cao Cao said.


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[Assistant] You should know that when a lord is sick, his officials should taste his medicine first. If a father is sick, his son should taste the medicine first.


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[Assistant] You are one of my confidants, so why don't you taste this medicine before you offer it to me?


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[Assistant] By now, Ji Bing had realized that the secret was out. So he stepped forward, grabbed Cao Cao's ear, and tried to force the medicine into his mouth. But Cao Cao swatted away the bowl.


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[Assistant] The liquid inside was so potent that as it hit the floor, it made the tiles crack.


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[Assistant] He then ordered 20 strong jailers to drag Ji Ping to the rear garden for questioning.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao sat in a gazebo while Ji Ping was tied up on the ground.


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[Assistant] Ji Ping's face remained calm and showed no hint of fear.


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[Assistant] You are a mere doctor. How could you dare to poison me? Cao Cao said with a smile. Someone must have put you up to it. Tell me who it is, and I will spare you. But Ji Ping was not talking.


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[Assistant] Or rather, he was not saying what Cao Cao wanted to hear.


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[Assistant] You are a rebel who oppresses his lord. I am hardly the only one who wants you dead.


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[Assistant] Everyone across the realm wants to kill you! When Cao Cao kept grilling him, Ji Ping got angry.


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[Assistant] Killing you with my own idea. No one else's, he said.


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[Assistant] Since I have failed, all that is left is for me to die.


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[Assistant] Angered by Jiping's refusal to talk, Cao Cao ordered the jailers to beat him, which they did for four straight hours, until Jiping's blood covered the floor of the gazebo.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao then ordered his men to stop for fear of killing Ji Ping before the case was settled.


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[Assistant] He had his men lock up Jiping somewhere quiet for now.