[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a question for you. I have a question for you because I am about to go to France. France! Okay. Oh dude, let's get into it. I'm going to France and I'm going to... Cannes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But how is it? Cause I don't really know. I think it's C-A-N-N-E-S.


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[Assistant] It's Hong Kong. Isn't that so fucking weird though? Cause it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the time, yeaah, in two weeks or whatever, what is this, this airs, I think it's- What's the over under on this strike? I think it's, I think three weeks, or three out, three out. Dude, did you, I think it's, I don't know, I never understand what over under's mean, or how to even do those, but I think it's gonna last a long time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so over, okay, so I'll say- And you take that bet. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I would say, I would say under four months, but that's very much- It's science.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the last time it happened in 2008, it was 100 days, I guess. Yeah, so it's about three and a half months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm kinda with you. I read the shit that, like, the producers' retaliation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, there's, I think, I think, okay, go ahead, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you gotta go hard, but I'm, I'm worried that people are gonna lose sight of like, the, the backend and the residuals and stuff and this AI thing is gonna be the big thing that's like, we can't let robots take us over, but it's like, the whole thing is like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The big thing is more of like the residuals and the fucking, you know, the livelihoods of the writers and the times that they get to work and the humans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, you gonna- Ders is not afraid. He's not afraid of the robots. And I like that because fuck the robots. The robots are not fucking human. What is-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say this. No, I'm interested in it because it's tech forward. I'm interested because it's tech forward. Like what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, that's it. That's it. All you gotta do is do that. Be 10% smarter than the machine. Okay? That's all you gotta do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'd be sick. I'd watch that. And fucking draft a thousand drafts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what happens when, what happens? The problem is really in the demand. The problem's in the demand. That's, that's the issue right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but the studios don't- they don't care, bro. Money, bro. Dollars. Money talks, man. If it's cheaper to use AI, then fucking who- Yeah, but you guys are losing the human element. I- I know this, Blake. I completely understand this and I believe that that will prevail. That will prevail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because we're- That's the residuals. We need to crack the backend. The streaming is what's fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are we talking about a Hellcat? Ooh, I always wanted to chop the top of the fucking chalice, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I fucking loved that car. It was sad to get rid of it. I traded it in for the Tesla, the Model X, but like that was my fucking Nightcrawler car, dude. Look at this. I had the one that was in Nightcrawler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looks, it looks a lot like your Camaro, dude. That's interesting. How much, when you take the top off it- It does look...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like it too. Yea, no. I've had- I've- Oh dude. You know the hips- the hips on the challenger are so good. I'm a man! Love those hips. Them- them-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they will make you sign something, Adam. It looks like they have one on Van Nuys. They will make you sign something when you leave the lot. It's called a gas guzzler tax. I had to do that back in the day, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, the car itself, the car itself, when I see like the brake lights, like the one single light going across and the like, I don't know why, but it reminds me of Gucci.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it had the colors of, of Gucci, you know? Ders, what color are you getting? Gucci's a cool word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, you gotta get the miles per charge. That's a big, big part of these electric cars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the car that if you had everything, that's it. That's the one. I do have everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should put up regulations against AI. I don't want it to sound like I'm against that. I just don't want to get lost. I don't want to. I doubt it. Not in this, not in this speedo. Don't take the eye off the prize, man. It's all about residuals in the back end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How much you think you gotta pay AI? How much you think you gotta pay AI to do a script? Nothin'? Oh yeah, big fat zero, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But this is, yeah, this is what I want to know. I want to know what's that, what's the basically pretty much part of it. Cause they've been moving. Time marches on. Since I was fucking, you know, 15 years old. Quote unquote.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's tough pill to swallow, but it's the, it's the same. No, Ders is putting it all in supply and demand today and I like it. He's at the fundamentals. No, that's not true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If people were there, if people were going to the Coliseum, they would not be moving. If there was 80,000 people at the, like when we grew up, people went to the fucking games, bro. When we grew up, people were at the games, right? Thursday night, people were there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you get to hang out with your friends and the people you came with. It's all good. The problem with the A's is that they do shake up the team and then it is, it's a problem. No, it's a problem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, I'm completely only there for the strategy in the game. That's the only- that's why I'm there for the strategy in the game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. There's a part, I think there's part fan, and there's part owner, and there's also part tax incentives it sounds like, like 500 million dollars worth of tax incentives. It's part fucking business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what he's saying. Farther from me. Farther from me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's further from Alaska though, dude. Yeah, it's further from Alaska.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do have an announcement. Yes please. We got our, we got our winner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We gave away the Christina Aguilera Steined Drumhead that my parents got me when I was about 13 years old.


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[Assistant] 14. 14. Right. So I probably got this when I was 15. Great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great job, Adam. Uh, and the- Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Judge Miller, congratulations, you got it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But what if he offered to dip you headfirst into the bog of eternal stench?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle on the other hand, I don't know if he's fucking picking toe jam out of his-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, dude, I'm in so much fucking pain all the time, and I'm not healing. I'm going to physical therapy, and I'm doing all the things they say, and it's just not getting better. In fact, it's starting to get worse. What? Whoa. Does it, does it haunt you? Like, I can't go to sleep at night, uh, even though I'm on fucking night-night juice. Pain pillar, uh, pain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pills, uh, muscle relaxers, night night juice, I'm doing it all. Edibles, I'm doing everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does that mean? Am I the Larry Bird? What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wouldn't sit on the bench. Okay, okay. I think I've been that. Remember how I would have to like sit down when we were shooting Warcollix because my knees would hurt and shit? Like, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he sitting again? But now it's getting, uh, it's, it's getting worse, cause now I can't, like, just do regular shit, which, uh, which sucks butts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I know, I'm like thinking that too. I'm like, it can't be, dude, because this is like a real amount of pain. Like, I'm gonna be morbidly obese. I won't get to do all the movies that I want to do. The whale, the whale just won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to be able to do more than this, but if I do more than that, then I'll hurt a lot more than I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what made you choose uh, Adrian? You just typed in yoga and then just are like, I'm following this lady?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I'm doing it for myself! That is the first rule of yoga? Okay. I didn't know there were rules, yeah. Okay, I'm doing it! Yeah, I've never heard that. The first rule-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. Uhm, keep pushing play. Keep pushing play. Tony Horton is, uh, what does that mean? Because that's the leader of Beachbody.com P90X P90X


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's creeping. The old age that we're creeping into. Creeping into middle age where everything is gonna fall apart at some point. My body's fine, I'm losing my


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you look at things and you're like, uh, everything could just go horribly wrong. Dude, I have that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well see the thing is, is I don't think you have, I think. Okay. This is why I need Adam. I know other people that do have crippling anxiety. And I think you're not at that level. Like I have some friends that are so neurotic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or who are like always sick, like always going to a doctor because they always something's wrong, even when things like maybe aren't wrong, and like they're always thinking something is about to happen to them. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, but I hold those, I hold that shit really like. What happens if we have to stay the night? Then you just get a hotel room and we stay the night and do it tomorrow. You stay the night, good story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, are we saying that? Well, what I, what, why I feel like I don't have, I think I would be a more anxious person. Like we all have like money to pay bills and like if our car breaks down, you could just pay for it. All of my anxiety when I was in my early twenties was all like, I can't afford anything. Like if my car breaks down,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to walk places or I'll have to get on the bus or like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, because it just doesn't matter, like, if we go out there and eat shit, like, it'll still be kinda funny. Yes. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Right. And best case scenarios, we just do what we set out to do and it is funny, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So even like when things do bottom out and it is shitty like us not doing the movie and we had all this time and we were gonna do the movie and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It all kind of works out, it's like, well now I have more time to like go to the physical therapist and go to all these doctors and see some specialists and try to figure this fucking thing out. Instead of like running around in the woods with you guys, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That does help. That, yeah, honestly, uh, hey dude, a funny way to go out, if I'm gonna go out, I do want it to be on a set with you guys doing something so dumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam? That's how they, you guys would still have to release the footage though. You're like in this, he would want, he would want us to know that this is how he went out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were, you were afraid of vegetables. Your fear was specifically cows. Uh, yeah, that was your main fear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's for, it's for like massaging and like releasing tense muscles. And so I, now I just sort of stab this in my hip and groin area for several hours a day. It's so tight, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I go to a guy, he does the same thing. He's a physical therapist, but he specifically does bodywork. And it does feel so fucking good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After I did it, like I was in the most pain I was ever in two days ago. Then went to him with his magic hands. And I feel a lot better, but. Like what level was your pain at? Like terrible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Terrible. Terrible. It's legit very very bad.


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[Assistant] I'm on fucking multiple pain pills and muscle relaxers and shit. It sucks. That's some bullshit. And then he does it and then your pain goes from like a 8 or a 9 to like a 4 or a 5.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've also heard of, uh, Rolfing is a thing that I was told I should look into. And essentially, it's called Rolfing, and I don't know why it's called Rolfing, but essentially it's like a... Roll on the floor laughing? It's body work, but it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wildly painful. So it's not like a massage where you're like, you go there to relax. It's like, it's so painful, but then you hope that it helps. Like you're, if you have a muscle, like when I'm lifting weights sometimes, was it like rolling


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Roll out. Yeah, essentially and there's someone doing that with their hands to your troubled areas. Like sometimes I'll like pinch something in my back and just a part of my back will just stay flexed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is essentially what's happening in my whole like, uh, groin and, uh, back and hip area. Damn. And then they are supposed to help, uh, release that pressure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So GDP Yoga, the fact that you didn't go right to that one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You weren't thinking properly. You just went to the path of least resistance. Your wife told you about a thing, you went for it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Jake the Snake too, I believe. And why did it save his life? What, yoga saved it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, no, I'll take a look at it for sure. Yeah, cause it's pain pills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's gooooo. As executive producer, I'm supposed to be doing all this work and I'm just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This R&B track. I tried to take most of them, I was just in a lot of pain this morning and I took two, which...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Normally I only take one in the morning and then I'll take two like before bed so I can actually fall asleep. Cause the other night it was like 5am and I still was just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's my mantra and, uh, uh, why I'm probably not that anxious is nothing really matters that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should have way more ti- Yeah, except for my body that's giving- that's currently giving up on me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it doesn't feel good, no. Okay. You like corpse pose. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would be cool. That'd be tight. That'd be really tight. Which is, Nancy Myers told me a story about how Jack Nicholson didn't want to be, uh, uh, was it something that's gotta give? Is that her movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Nicholson, it was. No, it was Nicholson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I forget which movie exactly, uh, but he, he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like the way I look laying in bed. And she was like, okay, and he's like, we gotta stand the bed up. And she's like, what? And they had Nicholson, um, had her stand the bed up, upright, and then shoot it like they're laying down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure dude, there's some freaks out there that do weird shit, absolutely. People fucking hang by their nipples. As a thing to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now do, if a narcoleptic person is standing up and they just fall asleep, do they pass out and like fall down? Or are they able to? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're in your REM though, it takes a long time to get into REM sleep. So maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he, he does not allow an over- Do they have any kiwis that I can eat entirely?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, wait, hold on. I don't fuck with the high chairs anymore. On this picture? You don't have chairs. I'm 100% an old actor that asks for the low chairs. Low chairs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They suck. The fact that we as an industry decided to just go we're doing high director chairs and everybody gets one of these high ass chairs. Don't you want your legs to be closer to the ground so you can stretch out a little bit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But speaking of, uh, Hollywood Minute. Yeah, the tables, they don't have tables on the big chairs. Kyle just struck out something that I think is a great idea that we should produce and I would love to star in if you guys all have my blessing. The Lieutenant Dan story. Let's follow him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam, that's a great idea. Right? Don't you want to see specifically all Lieutenant Dan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, he does, he does, but you don't have to show, you could show him living that life. Tell his story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna see him with the new wife. Yeah, like kind of the awkward hair and people don't respect him because his hair's not dope yet. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes, he goes clink clink. He hits, yeaah, he hits the cane against his metal legs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hair, the long hair part, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, see, I do, the whole point initially was to be, uh, crippled in it. That's what I was kinda looking forward to sitting down for most of the- Right, right, right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you guys seen the documentary? That one best documentary? That is that guy's name? When?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Russian guy that went to jail. Dude, it's the craziest, uh, it's the craziest story. I have no idea what you're talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can someone look up what that, uh, what that documentary is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called like, Leatherby or Burnaby or... No, it's a very Russian, it happened today, or sorry, it happened today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It ends in a Y. It won the best, uh, best documentary, this Oscars. It's out now. It's on HBO Max. It's so... I DON'T KNOW! Navalny. What's it? Navalny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, so Russian. Oh, yeaah, that doesn't sound... Yeaah, and he, he's the oppo- he's the opposition leader against poop. Uh huh. Never heard of him. And he's like, this charismatic guy, and he, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's wild, dude. It's a absolutely wild story. It's on... And let me guess, let me guess, found footage? CNN films. No, they filmed, they filmed all of it themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that being said guys, check out that documentary. It is really cool. Yeah, I do want to watch that. I think you guys would all really like it. That and the Beastie Boys doc. I've been a little doc boy on. Yeah, what's going on? Mmm, sitting on the dock of the bay. Adam, thank you for the- Just high as a kite on my pain pills. Thank you for the wrecks, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, yes, dude. I got new couches at the crib, so. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you know I'm hard chillin'. Oh. Oh my god, dude. Oh, I like your life right now. Yeah, it's, it's nice. It's super. My little opioid boy. It's super cozy. We got a decorator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all these warnings all over the bottle, says opioids are all over it. I'm like, don't mind if I do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, as how expensive the couch was? Yeah, we had them, uh, made. Like, for, just specifically for the space in our house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well see, I got couches made 10 years ago, I got couches made 10 years ago for the Hollywood House, and it was a decent price. I was like, I was like, okay, this is affordable. And then I just went through the same process and it is, what, three times the amount? Maybe four times?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here we go, Don Lemon. Yeah, okay, alright. Chill out, Don Lemon. Come on, what goes on?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's falling though. Oh dude yeah, I bought my dad a fucking car and it was like the sticker price and I go to buy it and then they're like, yeah it's gonna be like $10,000 more. Then the sticker price, then what it says. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Toasting, yes. Dude, I lived off that $5 foot long when I first moved to California.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is awesome. It is great. Yeah, we do fuck for subway. Uuuh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, usually not. That's crazy. Really? Woof, that's a- Well there's subways everywhere, so like if I'm gonna get fast food, usually I'm like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Oh, I can't wait to watch that, dude. He's just like- Oh, I watched a little bit. Did you? Was it gross? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, well yeaah, it has to be. I kind of am like- Wait, wait a second, Blake likes it! Wait, why do you like it so much?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a long con. What that is, that is the bummer about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what an absolutely insane


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I mean, what an insane thing. Insane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you can do, like, speaking engagements. Speaking engagements. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, and who knows if he did, but yeah, I think- Well, if he had a good agent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Check out, uh, Navalny, which I think is how you pronounce it. It's on HBO Max. It's an awesome fucking documentary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the Beastie Boys documentary, uh, also a great documentary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I love the Beastie Boys documentary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kyle has a paper plate. Oh, a drum kit signed by him. No, I- I- Wha-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, how about, how about we post about the giveaway in the 69th comment?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. We will give- Okay, that's good. We will give it to them. Okay. That's a whoop-wap. Okay, that's a whoop-wap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it's for Christmas, but it'd be like if I, if- Oh no, Adam, that's it. It's for Christmas. If someone gave a signature of Blake- It was a Christmas present. Written on a football. You'd be like, why is it signed on a football? He's an Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. The real Christina Aguilera. If I'm gonna sign it, now I wanna keep it. Yeah, that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also super cumbersome, like it doesn't fold up. That's what the skinny boy


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, okay, cause I heard a confirmation that you would be there. Well, so you did get an invite then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can make it feel better. We can make it feel better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're- you wanna wha- wha- plop? You're gonna Hulk Hogan t-shirt my testicle, Zach.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where? At the seam? Like, there's like a seam, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go to Netflix. I think it's the risk, Ders. If you catch that person, you potentially, you have to fight to the death or at least like throw their phone in the toilet or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know where I go. I go for the nuggets and the fries. They're right by each other in the freezer section. Thank you very much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's sick, a real gaming computer? That would be fire, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you cop anything at, at, what is it, Todd Snyder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I do the same thing but it's mostly with like comic book stores.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I always heard they said like, people wear white pants, people taking it in the booty, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it for girls? I thought it was for everybody. I thought it was like Miami Vice, you name it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, taking a booty isn't not cool, dude. Fuck that. That's cool. For some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was cool. I guarantee you're not gonna have kids anymore. That's for damn sure. God damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're still hurtin'. You're still sore. He's not gonna show it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and the happy trail, like, do the happy trail and everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, what do you mean, like nice art on the walls or...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A fish tank? Yeah, like a fish tank? Is fish tank like a prerequisite?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's definitely some like strip mall hospitals out here that are kinda shady. You're like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You wanna know why we got on the moon? The moon landing? We were trying to fuck up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like three weeks there, weren't there hell of UFOs and now we don't hear about them again. Like, that was like hot news for a minute and now it's radio silent on fucking aliens. What happened?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys often do, often do. Oh, often, uh, thanks, yea. Ders, you might, you might have a point, dude. That is a very try-hard song. That is pretty damn good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something poignant, something super philosophical and deep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out, overreaching there. Really going for it. Yea, and you can just see through it. You're like, oh, you're obvious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because you had a middle school brain, but I'm sure adults were like, this guy is not saying shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Blake, you got it. Go ahead, go ahead. Music was very serious. Like, there was no sort of like, un- like, uh, uhm. Yea, this is Bush. They weren't laughing at themselves. It was like, live. Remember live? It was that song.


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[Assistant] Dude, trust me, we're- songs that we're listening to today in fucking 20 years, people are gonna be like, those songs were so fucking stupid and they thought they were so cool.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he writes really complex songs. They're very deep, they're very deep.


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[Assistant] A couple podcasts ago, it's like you can't achieve that sort of-


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[Assistant] I know what you were trying to, yea, you were trying to say like rock bands sold out huge arenas, like huge.


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[Assistant] That's so funny. God damn, that's funny. Yeah, I definitely have some backyard nest footage where I'm just sleeping on the fucking patio, just like, I give up trying to open this door.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, this ain't China with their spy balloons. Yeaah, what's compliment?


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[Assistant] Yeah, oh yeah, we're gonna see a big rise. Oh dude, yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] That would be sick. We thought God's an alien octopus. And if we could do it and-


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[Assistant] What would you liken the feeling to immediately after? Are you getting like a dose of euphoria?


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[Assistant] I'll tell you right now, sports. Instant sports you can watch along. Something that is still live. It's for things that are still live.


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[Assistant] Like fires. House of highlights! House of highlights is posting highlights in game. Yea, but you can't really like scroll through what people are thinking unless you're gonna read the comments on house of highlights on Instagram. That's just, that's a trash graveyard, dude. You don't wanna see that one girl who posts the first comment.


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[Assistant] That was the guy though, he would say yea is the goat, no cap, like he'd be the first one on all his posts. This is deep internet fucking dorkdom right here. Is it? I feel like we think it is and then you can ask a


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[Assistant] Okay, so look at this, when you guys are chunking so hard, this podcast sucks. You are chunking pretty hard over there.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I'm aware of that. I am aware of that, but I was unaware that there's a law where if you get a bad car, they fully reimburse you? Is that what you're saying? Yeah.


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[Assistant] You say foursome. Now you said, was the, was the sound that Injured made something like this?


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[Assistant] What's that? Wait, what do you mean, like? Model- Model X hamster over- over there. You're saying- You're saying there's like- Right, it's ranch-


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[Assistant] Those are two very different things. A speaker and iPhone, yeaah, iPhones have so many functions. Don't care! Speaker does one thing.


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[Assistant] Dude, it's like a, it's like a beats, it's like a beats pill with an engine, alright? That's basically what it is.


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[Assistant] Well Kyle, you were bringing up an interesting thing. Morpheus downloads? Is there a AAA for specifically Teslas? Like, or do they send out the same dude who's, you know...


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[Assistant] Wait, the wheels lock. It's a fucking computer, it's turned off.


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[Assistant] Yea, but can't you put it into neutral or something? Yea, you put it into neutral.


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[Assistant] He's just trying to twist the head off his dong. I would love to watch everyone's audition for that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's really good. I know, and he's from Mobile. Oh, that guy's the best. He's basically


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[Assistant] Thomas Kellogg? Yea, he's Thomas Kellogg, uh, but, uhm. He's there, Thomas Kellogg.


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[Assistant] On uh, high noon? Right. I know what Fist Fight's about to be. I'm not sure I know what 3 o'clock high is.


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[Assistant] Wait, wait, wait. Sir, you're on the Comic Con red carpet. They're like, too late. Yeah, and they're lucky.


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[Assistant] Can't wait for Blake to have that hair gray. Oh, Adam! Wait, that reminds me, dude. I saw that footage of you getting your fucking, like, back cracked and shit, and I really want to know what that process was. Where? Is this on Twitter?


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[Assistant] Oh my god. You got a fucking crunchy Cheeto on your back? They congealed in one spot.


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[Assistant] Don't be the Liam Neeson of the pod, dude, alright? So you're saying if you don't cut this cheeto off your spine, you're gonna start shitting your pants in how many years? I didn't get into that. I was just like...


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[Assistant] Scary stuff. Wow. Oh dude. Well that's disappointing that that backcracking didn't fully heal you Adam, cause those are those like backcrackers that you watch on Instagram where it literally looks like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You die for a second because they crack your neck so fucking hard. I was like-


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[Assistant] Watching it through my fingers.


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[Assistant] What would you liken the feeling to immediately after? Are you getting like a dose of euphoria or is it like...


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's, it's- Dude, I- I wish that was what Adam always used as an example.


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[Assistant] That's cool, dude. So is it heavy partying all three days or you save some in the tank for the last day? Like how do you pace this out?


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[Assistant] Yeaah, what are these call times? That's what I mean.


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[Assistant] I bet it's a very buzzball friendly atmosphere. That's what I'm saying, if I get like a buzzball little beads, that could be sick. Little? Yeaah, get your buzzball on baby.


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[Assistant] I like that, man. Wow, we got a lot of big things poppin' in the new year. We do.


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[Assistant] Yes. Yes, you took that big ass indestructible bag. The utter.


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[Assistant] Wow, everybody's on the avatar train. Dude, hell yea, you guys.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Okay, what if we have showings? What if we have, uhm, showings where people go and, and, uh, you know, interpret for people?


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[Assistant] Yeah dude, I gotta get back to Alcatraz, that's hella fascinating. I wanna go as a man. I've never been, it sounds fun. Dude, it's really cool. Let's go, come up to the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true. Yeaah, come on. Let's, let's. I hope we're hung out.


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[Assistant] You were in Indonesia or something, we have to talk about that next pod, your cruise, dude. Was he already gone?


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[Assistant] Just eating bone marrow and like, just drinking blood and eating horse cock.


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[Assistant] I mean, raw meat, raw testicles, like fucking, what's his name? Barbarian man, who's all...


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[Assistant] Also taking insane amount of steroids. No, a regular amount. He's taking a regular amount of steroids. Nooo. From what I've heard, he's taking an insane amount of steroids.


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[Assistant] So he's totally on the roids, but why is it frowned against? Like if you're not like a competitive.


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[Assistant] I just don't think. I just don't. That's where I draw the line. I don't know. I don't know why it's like if you're doing them, just say you're doing them and if you're not in a sport.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but we all, we're like- Right, but people talk about smoking weed for eons, yeah. Yeah, like, weed is not legal someplace. It wasn't legal a lot. It's like, we're like, we smoke weed.


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[Assistant] I don't know, people do claim that. Like, they're like,


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[Assistant] But steroids are literally performance enhancing drugs. Like they are- I know, it seems like they're awesome. And the second- That's why people don't want to admit it. They make you stronger. Like weed and beer does not make you stronger, it makes you- Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Adam, are you saying- Adam, are you saying the reason steroids are illegal is because they drive you insane? They make you have roid range?


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[Assistant] And you said you had trouble s- Allegedly! And Kyle, you were a pioneer! You said you had trouble sleeping.


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[Assistant] What do I tell the doctor to get me steroids? Like, I just, I feel frail. You have trouble sleeping.


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[Assistant] The testosterone thing seems pretty sus because you're like saying like that. Why? Sorry, that's-


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[Assistant] You're saying that they're trying to stay in the game longer? Longer and stronger.


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[Assistant] Can I get this at the gas station? Is these those rhino pills I'm seeing?


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[Assistant] I think balding is so... low-t? Like testosterone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But why is that? What causes that? I'm ready to get really scientific and, uh, why would testosterone make your scalp drop your hair out of your head?


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[Assistant] What is, what is, yes, please speculate. If you wanna know, go to hims.com.


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[Assistant] Why in this world would testosterone make your skull drop its hair follicle?


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[Assistant] And I hadn't seen- Well, you don't have sisters. Okay, good, yeah. Oh, Adam does. There goes my theory.


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[Assistant] No, my mom was like, yo, Adam is on T. This dude's coming in so hard. Yeah. My mom was like, yo, you should watch Greece to my sister. And of course I was there also.


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[Assistant] How well do we have to sing? Because it probably, me telling you not to do it probably stems from my own insecurities where I'm like, there's no way I could ever summon the will to sing and dance like that well. Like, that is very vulnerable. I commend you Adam. I commend you Adam.


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[Assistant] Dude, that's why I love you, Adam. You really do live that life where it's like, who frickin' gives a hell? Just do your best and frickin' and go and forget the rest. You really live by that.


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[Assistant] No, I just, I've always been a huge fan of Adam. I love him. I love Adam.


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[Assistant] Friend and va- I mean friend till the end. Brothers! BROTHERS! I do like that you took a moment to go...


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[Assistant] No, cause I'm like, I, because that's how big of a fan I am. I think Adam's hilarious. I think he's, I think he's amazing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, man. This fucking dude should be in Greece. I wanna watch him. Wait, so Greece is this, right?


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[Assistant] All I- I have one tool. I use one buzzer. That is the same for all my facial hair. I do not sculpt my face at all.


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[Assistant] What are you saying? No, I'm just saying help me out. Help me out?


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[Assistant] No, Manscape is just purely like, I'm in there like, Edward Scissorhand on my cock, around my balls, like, up above it. I beg to differ.


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[Assistant] What do you guys do with your neck? Can I ask about your neck?


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[Assistant] So how far down do you go? Cause I just realized that maybe I shouldn't just let it grow down the neck. Yeah, like maybe I should cut it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, fuck, they thought they were gonna get buff just eating bone marrow and like just drinking blood and eating horse cock.


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[Assistant] Take the shame away from, if we're not Olympic athletes and we're not professional, like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a great musical. It's great. It has great music. Tell me, tell me more. The movie has a lot of great stars. Olivia Newton John slays it. John Travolta in one of his best roles ever. Danny Zuko who I think is dead.


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[Assistant] Oh, sorry. Yes, Kaneki. Sorry. It's been a minute. It's been a minute. It's been a minute.


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[Assistant] Why are you even telling us that? Like just his head, back of his head is in it? Woah. Fucking Easter egg homie.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna have to re-watch it. Great movie. Great movie. I'm excited to watch it. Anyway. Just take it and...


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[Assistant] You know what I mean, bro? It was just weird, bro. I don't remember that, but...


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[Assistant] Well no, I'm just curious, I wanna know like, wayo, like where that fuckin' came from, cause like, what, like the history of wayo in the show? I remember from some dumb like fuckin' wizards thing we did, Adam was like, wayo, like in the outtakes. Wayo? No, I know how it came into our lives, I believe.


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[Assistant] Well how many hard rocks were there? There were a lot. There, I mean I think there's a point. At the height? Well I'm saying of cool, of stuff. Let's say there's, let's say there's 200. 200, that's a lot. They have a lot. The bar is, the bar is high for what's on the wall. Like this is in...


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[Assistant] That shit's GTL, right? G-GTL? Is that that show? Fucking...


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[Assistant] Were they wearing affliction? Is that? Are they wearing?


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[Assistant] Did we get all the girls? Is that all the girls? JWoww, Snooki, and what was? The situation? And Snooki.


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[Assistant] We should not Google anything. What does she look like? Tan.


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[Assistant] Seeming? I-I remember. Dude, JWoww was a poll.


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[Assistant] Sammy Sweetheart is Angela Pivarnik. Pivernik. Pivarnik. Pivarnik. Nooo. There's four, there's


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[Assistant] Yeah, there seems to be like the three guys and then they might have had a few different rotating women.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Deener was brought on later and she was part of the meatball crew with Snooki. Snooki was part of a meatball crew? What was that about? What's the meatball crew?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's gonna be a plot line. That's a big plot line, baby. Yeah, I'm seeing dollar signs. Yep. You know these reality guys, they'll exploit that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but like, is it like the Kardashian? Is the Kardashians a reality show? That's a reality show, right? Yeah, yeah. But it's like, yes, that's a reality show. Yes, very much so.


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[Assistant] Like Jerry, like Jerry Springer. You want old school Jerry Springer back.


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[Assistant] But do you think that has stopped the demand for it? Did they? I feel like she's sup-


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[Assistant] That's what I mean, like we didn't, exactly, there's no, there's no morals in this, you know, it's-


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[Assistant] Adam, did you just see, like, lots of, like, uhm, plastic, uh, barges, like, out in the water? Is that what you're talking about? Like, you just saw these plastic- Plastic barges? Like, collections of, like, fucking oral-


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[Assistant] No, I know, that's what I was saying the other day. I feel like these mini-series are just like... He should have murdered someone.


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[Assistant] Blake, Blake, relax. I'm not gonna push play on the Uber show. I'm gonna tell you that right now. You gotta watch the WeWork one.


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[Assistant] Within 15 minutes I'm fucking hitting that weed, baby. He has someone who does-


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[Assistant] Exactly, they're performance vehicles. I can't deny that. These actors get juice every fucking scene.


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[Assistant] If you took the Uber off the title, took the chase of the IP out there, it would force the story.


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[Assistant] I just think they're like, oh, it's gonna be an Uber show. People will click because it's Uber. And then the storytelling just fucking falls. It's just not good.


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[Assistant] I fucking think this shit is so stupid that there's a show that exists like that because it clogs the airwaves for an original piece that could be like much more fucking interesting and dynamic.


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[Assistant] That's a very heroic story. Those are, aren't those heroic stories? Those are heroic stories. Tucker was an unsung company. You didn't know about Tucker. Hey, also guys, guys, guys, guys. You didn't know about Tucker.


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[Assistant] I guess it's just, it's just his feeling. What's the name of the little fly? Zip. Zipper? It's just feeling like fuck that shit. You know what I mean? Like it's just feeling like fuck that shit. I can't really.


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[Assistant] I think it's just clogging the airwaves is what I don't like about it. It's like just trash clogging the airwaves.


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[Assistant] Is it global enough? Does it? Oh, I started watching Tulsa King. Did you guys start watching Tulsa King?


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[Assistant] But what the fuck? Were we involved in that? Was America in World War I?


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[Assistant] I was just saying, there's a difference in my mind between like a remake and an IP grab. For whatever reason. Like there's a major difference.


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[Assistant] Well there's always going to be a reinterpretation though, right? It's always going to be that. That's been going on since plays, where it's like, this person directs this play and there's an interpretation of that.


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[Assistant] I've been to that one. How? Would you show up for that? Would you pull up to it? For Arcadia? Yea man, I'll roll to Arcadia.


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[Assistant] What song? I love Sunlux. Sunlux made all the music for that movie and I just, I hope he does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The band composed the movie and they rock.


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[Assistant] Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, try it, try it. Put your name out there, Kyle. There is, Kyle, it's a problem. Yeah, well, okay, well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll shave my head to be Mr. Freeze though. I'll tell you what. I think it's cause like dudes be horny.


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[Assistant] What was cool about our desk at the cubicle was you could just pull it open and hide so much shit in there. Snacks, sides.


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[Assistant] Oh my gosh. But we are, we are, like, if you watch our press interviews, we were notoriously


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[Assistant] Yeah. That's why I think he gets a vote. That's why. But, well, well, now we, are we getting into Emmy talk like five weeks later?


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[Assistant] Cause I'm like, dude, like legitimately, okay. Cause I'm already gearing up for next year. Yeah, well, shout out to Kyle for getting there. That was sick. I wish he won. He should have won. That show is very funny and what they pull off is dope.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The same day I texted Isaac, I'm like, okay, yeah, I think I'll pull up. I think I'll pull up. And he's like, list is closed. And I'm like, how would Isaac ever know that? And then all of a sudden, uh, so I texted Ders


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been to a couple and they were, they were actually like, very fun and like, you do, you do like, do a lot of good networking. That one I was like, aw man, I don't- And that's what it's all about for Blazor. Blake, Blake is the network king. No, dude-


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[Assistant] I- I fucked up. I remember like going to the- I- I'm not sure whose party it was.


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[Assistant] You just see people you never know


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[Assistant] Yeaah, and Miguel is like the guy. He's actually super sick. Yeaah, he's awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, the most I know, Miguel, and I'm sorry, Miguel, if you're listening and you don't like to talk about it, is your viral video when you straight up, like, leg drop that chick at your concert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ders, you like, you saw Lionel, like Lionel is like, kind of like a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was kind of like deep cut odd future dude, but now he's on the bear and like he's always been such a homie to me. He's like a great writer. He's put me like as a voice in all his cartoons. Like, so it's just sick. Like when you said you ran into him, I was like, damn dude, like I should have just pulled up. It would have been fucking cool, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deep cut. Deep cut bro. Uh, so you, did you, did you have funders? Funders? Uh, did you have funders? Thunder Thunder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool. Did you see 50 Cent? I got there right after that. That was what was super sick about that night. 50 Cent performed, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have, I'm gonna be honest-ers, I have not watched it. Inventing Anders. But I heard you're fantastic in it. Is that true?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We all do, and I think TII Nation will agree we want more durrs in everything we watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which is wild. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude. And then all of a sudden now we got a little edge to the character, don't we? We come home, he's a little...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, ferret in a cage. Dude, I'm down for that. Okay, so you're like, hey, I'm cutting, I'm cutting carrots, honey. And then she, as soon as the door closes, chopping off dicks, you'd go to the basement and you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you pull out your carrot. You can come out now.


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[Assistant] What's weird is I feel like we all have to flip how people think of us. So like, Adam's like, just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he's gonna be the, the, the basically remake fear. Remember how you pitched that? You're basically Mark Wahlberg. You're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like the, you're so hyped that the daughter is dating him and he just goes crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the next Academy Awards or was that the ones before?


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[Assistant] That's all I want. I want a spirit award. That's all I want. I want a spirit award. That's my main award I want. Politics. Politics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't win awards, you gotta do a podcast and you gotta really fucking just go up, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, it fucked us up. Like, people? And as soon as she said it, I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go ahead, continue. New York, I don't even know what New York went through, holy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just think, uh, yeah, I don't know. Just a lot of your talking points are within the industry. So like the fact that like nothing was happening, maybe there's not much to talk about. I don't know. Those parties were


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even like the, when you get invites to these places, they still have notes that are like, uh, we're taking like COVID protocol. Like it is still alive and strong in Los Angeles. Like it is not over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can, you can do what you want to do to feel safe. You can wear masks. I'm not mad at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The board is dead. The board is dead actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Come on, gay dudes aren't looking up- Gay guys. Horny? Yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're claiming the rock is desirable in the community.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you, we've all, hey, everybody on this zoom has, uh, kissed in a movie before. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It could be an agreement. Some men don't, uh, you know, they say like, I won't kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he said none of that. That was his thing. I respect it, I respect it. Yeah, that's fucking cool, dude. No. No, I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna give you a list of ten things I'm not about to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll shave my head to be Mr. Freeze though. I'll tell you what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Matt Reeves, Matt Reeves, if you're listening. I found out. Yeah. Mr. Freeze.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'll do it for. Yes, that is what I will do it for. I've thought about it long and hard, and if you want to cast me as Mr. Freeze, I will shave my head.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, what do you want me to do though? What do you want me to do brother? Should we say it at the same time?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No it isn't. His hair is just a s- Yeah, it just is combed back. No, no, he cut his hair completely. He has short hair at this point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just combed back. No, he cut his hair, dude. I hung out with him a couple months ago, and he's... Thank you, Adam. No, his hair is gone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a poof. It's a poof. It's an afro. We just posted my soccer picture. That's what it does. Yea, but that's when you were a child. Your hair changes. My hair is much curlier than Sean White's hair.


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[Assistant] You do realize that. Look at this nest, bro.


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[Assistant] Look at that. That is not what Sean White's hair looks like. My shit is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. I wish I could relax these curls, but I can't because they fight back, brother. They fight back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Which is actually, I like that look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not as curly as mine. Sean White's hair is not as curly as mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wavy, not curly. My shit is curly, bro. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless I'm Victor Vaughn. Is it Vaughn?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeah, I get, I get, yeah man, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, if I'm ever going to cut it, it has to be after the Workaholics movie, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, do you think as soon as we rap Orcaholics, you guys shave my head on camera and be like, end of an era, hey, Henderson is dead?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna do, I wanna do This Is Important Live so bad, we just gotta figure it out, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I auditioned for that little lawyer wily coyote movie, if that, is that a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Will Forte got it and now all of a sudden I wanna see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so that's my thought process immediately. I'm like, lawyers don't have this hair at all. Why even the fuck am I doing this? Like, lawyers, no lawyer looks like me. Zero percent. Right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My man's got some inflex. Okay, Ders, go on and get out of here. Me and Adam are gonna just, uh, kind of have like basically like the walking dead, but we talk about after the talking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks, man. Thank you, man. And I'm gonna continue to do that. But maybe what I'm trying to teach the world is that just because you have long hair doesn't mean you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, son of a gun. Hollywood, it takes them a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I want to give a special shout out to Anders and Kyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're just being along for the ride but not right now and son of a bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Proofs in the pudding. Isn't They Don't Love You Like I Love You? Isn't that from a different song?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Beyonce is going to charge you $1600 to just sing a different version to listen to someone else's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love that you preface it this way. Oh yea, what's interesting, Blake? This is an interesting thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, cause you don't want to feel like a mark, but at the same time you also want to know the worth of your dollar and fucking call it out when it sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why for me live music is hit or miss because it's not your experience. It's a collective experience and you gotta be ready to be collecting some fucking garbage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't like a cool invite, this is before everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they were just throwing a party there to make money, like, whatever, right? Somebody got tickets, we went, and they got a lot of songs, you know, a lot of hits. But after the show... It was only a kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a fucking terrifying mob. I saw like, like people just pushing towards the gate, and you're like, mmhm. This is thousands of people pushing. It got like a little scary. I saw- You were like, hold up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw a few little people get like, like hoisted out. Wait, wait, like children or like, no. Little people. Little people. Okay, okay, okay. Why, how do you describe them? What do you, what do you say? Little people. Yea, that's right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adams' human Ewoks. And to be fair, that's who was in the Ewok costumes. I call him Blumpkins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were like, getting trampled and I saw people hoisting them up onto like, oh fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's cool bro. Our second trans episode here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, all those festivals were cool. Uhm, I mean, I remember breaking into that church. Uh. Oh yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that South by Southwest? Yeah. Man, I haven't been there in a while. And this is the classic because I think it's Adam's worst concert going experience and maybe my favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it was very small, intimate, there was a church. Me and Kyle broke in and then like let you guys in the side.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we went to go see, it was Toon Yards opening for, uh, Twin Shadow? Twin Shadow. Twin Shadow opening for James Blake. James Blake, yea. And James Blake didn't come on until like one, I think. Really late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We snuck in the back of this church. Like a door opened and we got in. They thought you were the preacher.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] James Blake is a mood. Yes, he's definitely a mood. Right, and it's late, and you really gotta be like, oh, this is the shit, and you're watching something that you didn't think could be performed live, performed live, especially like the drumming. Yeah, that was the sickest part.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The like, off-sync drumming, the dude, I was like, how is he doing this? Uh, whoever the drummer was. That was wild. Great drummer. And I was like, hated it! Twin Shadow was dope. And then before that, Toon Yards was doing like a one-woman pedal show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, he was in bird box, dude. Was he? Was he in bird box? Was he? I think so. Wasn't he? Like in the kitchen?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not allowed to look. And then a week later, a week later, it was like, you can't make a noise for, uh, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For the quiet place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you go shopping for like linens and stuff before you went? Or did you already have your kind of- Yea, do you already own linens?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, no bullshit, I went to one right after like the My Pillow Guy controversy, I don't even know what the fuck it was, but they were selling the pillows for 99 cents, and I was there looking for pillows, and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't even know what his handle is to COVID. Something along those lines. Something for COVID that like either prevented it or helped you after you got it that wasn't proved and they went on like a, you know, CNN and was like, well this is what happens on CNN.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I should have gotten a pillow cause they must be good. Everybody likes the pillows. Or are they buying them because they're just like, this is Christian or what the fuck ever. I don't know. Cause the dude rocks the nice, a nice cross hanging off the neck at the commercials. He does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We almost went this year for Christmas just for like the ritual. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All I used to do in church was just take those little pencils and then in like the columns on the side of the Bible I would just like draw like guys with eyeballs hanging out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I feel like I got confirmed cause they were like, you know, this is the year you get confirmed. And I was still going to like. Were you Catholic? No, but it was, I don't know. It was something. I think they were fucking around with confirmations. First communion? What's first communion?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know who was in my acting class, and I'm gonna fuck up his name, cause I don't know if it was the first name or the last name or the last name or the first name. Do you love him? Uh, Farsworth Bentley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You found out real quick who was rich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think so. Yeah, I think caviar is just fish eggs. Cause they describe the different kinds of caviar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so that's why caviar- Only caviar? But don't they call it like- I feel like when I've heard-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Heard caviar described like something like blue, something caviar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got a memory. Right. But is that, is that still omakase then? If it's tailored? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I know, but you know- It's like if you had a dietary restriction, right? It's like same- Like, but the, the idea, the fundamental idea of it, of being like, you give me what you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had a very, very shitty, personal, like, family stuff, obviously we know, uh, at the end of last year leading into New Year's, so they were like, New Year's sucked, we're gonna redo it, and they did it last, uh, Saturday night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, by the way, when you, I don't know when you left Adam, when I left, there was a line of like 250 people waiting outside to get in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It didn't have anything that was like, oh shit, this is new, different, and better than any other bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, there's a hundred people in front of you. You guys should get the fuck out of here now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything else will follow. If you're gonna use syrup, corn is the best type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you're not the bitch of our friend group, Kyle. You are not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We built these roles. We built, we built these roles over 20 years of friend-ship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry. Damn, Blake. God damn, he wasn't fa- he wasn't quick enough on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was like, I've never been dumber. I had no serotonin in my brain. I like couldn't complete. What does serotonin do? Yea, what does that do? I don't know. I think it's like this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, admittedly it comes back to scheduling, where I was like, oh no, it's the day after, I'll have a bunch of good stories, I didn't realize that my body won't allow me to tell them, because I will be one of the most hungover, I felt like a bachelor party level hangover, where like, I was convinced I had COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, when I was there, I was in my zone. It was when I got back that I was like, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, you gotta get back on that train, find another parade. Uhm, Chloe, Chloe is testing for a sitcom right now, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For us, she's testing for a sitcom, so Hollywood talk, the Hollywood bit. Okay, here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, so it's now between her and a few other people to audition for this role and you go to the network and all the brass is there and you test for the show and then you might, you might get it and then they have to, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like today she was like splashing water in her face and she, I'm like, you got this. And I think, I think she, uh, has pulled it together. So, but she's there right now and she, uh, I, I ran the scene with her right before we got on to do this podcast. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, her words, yeah. And then in, when I got Mike and Dave, we had to, I forget, we flew somewhere where Zach was filming to test. And I got, uh, strep throat. Remember how I used to always get strep throat before I had my tonsils taken out? I got it like four times a year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I got strep throat, and I had strep throat while there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was like, I'm not gonna get this. I'm like, fuck it's sick. I don't have the energy for it. And that's why I told Chloe, I'm like, I think it's you, you like knuckle down when you have that sickness and you concentrate harder because you know, like you have to overcome this thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hollywood, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, one of those good Charlotte guys, uh, I, I, I don't remember their names, uh, Benji. Benji? I think his name is Benji.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it Josh? Well Benji and then the other brother, I can't remember the other brother's name.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're workaholic fans. They're big workaholic fans, which is tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know the name for any song, including songs that I've sang.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, two of them, maybe our producers can tell us, but... Help us. One of us married to Cameron Diaz, and the other's married to... They both are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Uh, that'd be sick. Uh, and she's like, your hair's different. Uh, nevermind. Good Charlotte. But the other one is married to, uh, Nicole Richie, right? Oh, dude, it's- Oh, of course, of course. It's, uh, Adam, is that right? Benji is married to Cameron Diaz, and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Joel is married to Nicole, yes, and Benji is married to Cameron Diaz.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they saw the Simple Life when they were like, we'll take both of them. We love it. That's cool. Wait, what? This, wasn't the Simple Life, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's Paris Hilton, it wasn't Cameron Diaz. Paris Hilton.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they would like show their like rich people's houses and shit, and that was like the- probably- It was Cribs. One of the first shows of that- of that kind. Yeah. And then MTV was like, yeah, we'll do that, but with Ja Rule and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His, his twenty-two acre, fifty-five thousand square feet, beautiful Malibu cliffside home for four hundred thousand dollars!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, they're leaner. It's, he just put, he just put half the amount of ingredients in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no, there's no reason. There's no reason. They're good. They're really good. What do you mean, there's reason?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, you quickly are, are running by Crafty. There's an Uncrustables there. You just wanna grab it and go. It's a grab and go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If that, if you're gonna use syrup, corn is the best type.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also don't need hoho's every day or nutter butters every day. It doesn't mean I'm, but like every once in a great while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every once in a while you, you grab one and go, baby. Don't, don't shit on Uncrustables just because it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you can once in a while. You don't do that every day. You're a psychopath.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But every once in a great while, you give them an Uncrustable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give him ice cream every fucking day, but once every week or two weeks, you go fucking, hey, snap on this, son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that how you still snap or? Cause I think it was probably the novelty of like being able to afford everything and you're like, you know what? I don't care if these are nine dollar M&M's. I'm going to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't start with vegetables. Well road trip is different. We're talking, we're talking your travel, you're flying somewhere, you're gonna be in a hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Have you, dude, I am so surprised if you've ever packed one kiwi in your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, but you don't stuff the whole kiwi in your mouth and swallow it. Obviously you take- Kyle, saying I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and let me guess, let me guess, you're out of kiwis. Exactly. Yeah, you don't have any?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You better say ses- sesame sticks. Okay, and hey, so now it's a- now it's a- I put it in fucking Tupperware. Now it's a food Tupperware, not a to- go- not a fucking bag. You're a fucking disaster, my guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So those are essentially, those are meal replacement bars. Do you use them? Kind bars?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really, not, I mean, if you eat a lot of it, it can be, but it's like, you know, it's a healthy fat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, and Kyle, see, see, this is where I'm trying to call bullshit because you would weigh 114 pounds if this is all you eat. If you just eat a protein bar, kiwi,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and then I look around, mate. You like to have, you like to give yourself an errand when you land in your city?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a full thing of groceries, I'm gonna do the whole fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like if you go for a weekend, I'm not, I don't want to go land in Austin, Texas. I'm going to have a weekend there and I go immediately to the local drug store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well this is the exact opposite of old Kyle that would go and eat the entire minibar worth of stuff. Now you flip the script and now you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, damn, man. Yeah, man. I haven't been to Austin, uh, in a minute. I'm, uh... Austin!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we're doing, there's like the ATX TV Fest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're gonna go do that, I believe. Sorry, what's it called? ATX.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's ATX. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Uh, stands for Austin, Texas, I'm assuming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, yeaah, I think we're gonna premiere it there, so I'm looking forward to, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so did I. That's weird. And we're gonna premiere it there, and I, I, I, the last time I was in Austin, Texas, I was for Mike and Dave's Blackout Drunk, and I was blackout drunk, and I, with a rib hanging out of my mouth, me and my producer of Mike and Dave, we would always like wrestle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was like our thing, uh, Dave, Dave Reddy, what's up, David Reddy, Churnin' Entertainment, uh, and we thought, and we slipped and fell down this like, giant hillside, and we like, I dislocated my shoulder, and I lo- I lost my phone, and uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was the worst. And that's the last time that has ever happened. I feel like that happened a lot when I was like, in my early twenties. But like, that was the last time that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for sure go phone, just buy a new phone, but. Nah, man. Wait, I'm sorry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've ran out of storage on my cloud like six years ago and I've never upgraded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it said, when it's like, upgrade your shit, and I was like, that's a whap number right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Until the next day, and we were flying back the next day, so like I just didn't have my phone that entire time, didn't text her back for like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Hey, call me back. Hey, so weird you're not calling me back, but it's no big deal. Uh, what the fuck? Okay, you know, this isn't cool, too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's closed, and I like- And what's the name of it? Let's say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called salsa bar. Sure. Yeah. I remember that on, on Ventura, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but the scene hurts. I think, I think that is more of an asshole move. That's not a bitch move. And Kyle, you're a bitch. The scene hurts, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You take the red, you take the red off. You're right. I need to be consistent. That's why we gotta throw it out. That way you could always just play dumb and be like, oh sorry I didn't see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you see it and you're just quick, a quick thumbs up. I love the thumbs up or the heart emoji. I use that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, when it's a group, I don't respond a lot in group texts. Because it's like, what is me chiming in here gonna help? Like every once in a while, if it's like a group and you're like, this will be a funny thing for this specific group, I'll throw it in. Damn, I'm sorry, Blake. But for the most part, I don't chime in. I'll just give a lot of thumbs up, a lot of heart.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is supposed to be like, uh, it's basically Bing, but it's going to be, you call it Bing, and it's supposed to like, it's intuitive, and it knows how to talk to you, and it's, they released it to like a few hundred,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and like, like being like, why would you want to go there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the AI. It's like already gone sentient and they only released it and they're now not backtracking and they're going, no, we are gonna go wide with this. And people are like, it's already, you only released it to a few hundred people and it already went crazy. Maybe we...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well no, because it could go real wild, because it could just go like, you can't log into your accounts. I'm not letting you. You're drunk right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're drunk. I can tell you're drunk. I can tell you're drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm actually reading your heart rate via your smartwatch and you're drunk right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well have you guys fucked with chat GPT a little bit? Not me. Like yeaah, I've done that where


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I did it, I go, I go, give me a, a movie, uh, an outline for a movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, set in the world of NASCAR based on the work of Quentin Tarantino. And it like broke it down and I'm like, this is a pretty fucking cool movie. I mean, it was, it wasn't like groundbreaking, but I'm like, that's kind of cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I did that with a, with a, I asked him something about a workaholics episode, the chat GP, is it GPT?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was a, I forget exactly what it was, but it was like a kind of a B minus idea. I was like, oh yeah, this would go on the wall and we wouldn't end up using it, but it would like, we would look at it every day for like four months when we were writing and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In like 20 years, it'll be, it'll be like, and we're all human, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you know, and it'll be like, you know what? I don't fuck with AI. I only watch MGM or whatever studio leans into all human.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] VHS. And that's the last form of entertainment because AI can't fuck. So that'll be the last real form. Oh, you just wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You saw it, right? You shoulda saw it. Did you see it? Watch it now. It was number two on Netflix for a few weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and it was the band Wild Stallions. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Today on This Is Important. Guy was not stoked on the idea of a fake cock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's very sad. Because of a puritanical society, okay? Okay, and here we go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't gonna look good. It wasn't gonna look good. Cause it was, it was like, I was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. I mean, I'm deep in pickleball already, so I'll just keep doing that shit. Yea, I'll come.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the palisades, that's the only one they got. Yeaah, that's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm bad at that. My shit's just, uh, no, I don't have that. I'm just fucking veggies. That's kinda it, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's, I think that's him, right? No, that's a professor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's kinda your thing, yeah. Yeah. Hit us with it. What would it be? Hit us with it, Blakey. Let's see. Give it, give it, give it. No, this is not it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cory Maggety, I'll shoot you back a clipper. A little Cory Maggety over here. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, uh, reached into the buzz box and I pulled out something I did not want to pull out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not cold. They're still very hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. You still didn't put them in the, in the fridge. You fool. They're still hot, hot, hot. Oh God. It's one of my least favorite things. It's a, a chili mango. It's a spicy brew.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm sorry to laugh, dude, what, wait, what? What? I don't know, but the internet says that shouldn't be too painful, but I am in a lot of pain, so. What internet? Like Reddit? Like, where are you looking? Are you looking in your comment section of Instagram?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was decades ago, Anders. We might have advanced in medical surgery by now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're gonna have, you gotta learn the science of your body, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does your balls feel better in the morning, at night, uh, like when is it the most filled with fluid, if you had to say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll buzz ball to that, man. This one goes out to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, hey, there are some cool facts about BuzzBall's company that I'd love to let you know. Oh, please. I think we've got time for none.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a Texas company, and it's also, it's women owned. It says on the box, it's women owned, which is pretty frickin' sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Allegedly. I don't think the, uh, chili mango is my flavor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will after 9 o'clock after, uh, or actually now it's 10 o'clock. Newsom says we can't turn it off till after 10.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After 10 AM. No, PM. Peak hours. Peak hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, peak hours and you're not allowed to run your AC during


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have, what would you call that? Central heating? How do you do like room by room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] HVAC, man. HVAC rocks. And it needs to be done. And, uh, we're, uh, we're marching towards that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was a little late. I was a little late. And we're almost through it and we're gonna get through it and it's gonna be, and it's gonna be okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, not San Francisco is climate cool, but we are, we are outside of the city in like the suburbs. It gets so motherfucking hot.


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[Assistant] Dude, I'm a Bay Area inclusionist. I'll say San Jose is the Bay, Sacramento is the Bay, I'll go all the way to San Diego is the Bay Area.


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[Assistant] Come on, dude, durz, you probably say I'm from Chicago. I don't, and you know that about me. You probably used to. Never did. Okay, fine, durz, and here's your gold, here's your sign, but look. I'm just saying.


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[Assistant] I did. I'm saying if you're not trying to have a whole fucking geography lesson, there's like you give people the basic idea.


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[Assistant] I've evolved towards that. Now I tell people if they say, Hey, where are you from? I say, Oh, like Bay area, East Bay, Concord, California.


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[Assistant] I, I, yeah, part of it was, yes, I need to represent specifically Conquered, but Conquered more on the map, like, because it is imp- important?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna be honest, I pulled the AC unit off the wall. It's incapable.


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[Assistant] We're at least at 90. It's 90, it's 90 in LA, where you're at. Okay, it's one of the cooler days. In, uh, Evans, in Evanston, Illinois, it's 80 degrees. Well, how is it in Concord, New Hampshire?


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[Assistant] Okay, well, can you, can you check Concord, New Hampshire?


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[Assistant] Shout out to Mobile, I know right now, I know this is like Mobile, Alabama, three weeks away, but if it's still raining, we see ya and we're, we're sorry it's raining out there.


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[Assistant] I do remember what I wanted to say though, and half of the reason why I don't turn my shit on.


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[Assistant] No, because, because if you get a genera- it's all going, it's all going away. It's doomsday. We're doomsday prepping right now.


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[Assistant] I just think, I just think with every solution, we're creating other problems.


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[Assistant] Just us, I'm talking globally, I just think there's, we need a solution, a global solution.


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[Assistant] No, dude, okay, okay, we keep the baby room cool, dude. I turn, when it-


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[Assistant] No, there's, come on man, I got a system figured out.


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[Assistant] I, I feel like at this point I'm, I'm, I'm, now it's a flop sweat out of like anxiety because I'm being backed into a corner. By the way, I got diagnosed recently. With what? Anxiety? No, my therapist says I have ADD.


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[Assistant] Sure, everybody does. You guys are just like sure? That was like a huge revelation.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, what? Dude, this isn't fucking- I know, stop, yeah, this is- e- every week? Yeah, I know you- I know you have never, but- No, I've never, I've never- I- I go individual, couple, you name it, I'll do it, but this is the first time I've been told I have ADD. Rando!


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[Assistant] I'll just go talk to a homeless man and be like, tell me what's wrong with me, brother.


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[Assistant] I wish Kyle was here to help me out. God damn, this is the one episode I just really need Kyle here for me. I like Kyle on all the episodes.


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[Assistant] It's not better help therapy, but gosh darn if it doesn't work. Well, this is great, Blake. I like this. How long have you been doing this? Dude, I've been going into therapy for...


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what broke me, dude. I had to talk about you guys, son of a bitch. Oh boy.


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[Assistant] I, I feel like Adam, you would just like, I don't know.


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[Assistant] It's, it's true. But Adam, I, I, what I have always loved about you or what at least I like, I'm just like stoked for you is like you do have the ability to, uh, just be like,


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[Assistant] Adam, maybe you do need to just like fucking jab it and do a pressure release. I don't know, but I will say that like I admire the way like I that's what I get from your friendship is like sometimes you take me back to reality where it's like shit is not that as bad as you build up in your mind.


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[Assistant] Yes. If you need to talk about your shit, maybe that's like the second or third chapter of your life where you get introspective and you start to like really figure out like what the fuck's been going on. I don't know. Your life is such a hurricane of...


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[Assistant] Fuckin', look, you're so busy and all that shit. Maybe you wanna touch down and think about it.


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[Assistant] It's just as, as we get older and then like real life shit is just always on the horizon now.


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[Assistant] Dude, I remember I told my therapist, I was like, dude, all we're gonna do is like shit on my parents. I don't want to do it anymore. Like, like this is stupid. Like I don't blame them because I love my mom and dad. I think they fricking rock. I think they did the best they could, but like,


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[Assistant] But there is, they're like, it's not about shitting on them, it's just like, that was the way.


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[Assistant] I've, I've got like, I've got the guy or whatever. I've got a decade worth of work with this person and they've just been absolutely perfect for me, but I don't know. Sometimes it, it, it could just be like a one-off where it's just somebody listening to you and like asking you questions that other people don't ask you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, dude, there's a bit of that. There's a bit of that. Like it might feel cold blooded, but sometimes they just gotta like, just put the mirror in your face.


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[Assistant] Okay, so then as your patient, when I do do that, then all of a sudden I'm like, fuck, why am I such a fuck up dude? Like my therapist told me all you have to do is not do that. Why did I do that?


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[Assistant] Dude, I don't know. I don't know. So to answer your question, I did not get any medication because one of my


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[Assistant] Part of me really thinks like the reason I'm humorous or who I am is because my brain is chemically imbalanced. Can I tell you something? No.


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[Assistant] Well that's cause I- that's also because I kinda drive like a grandma.


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[Assistant] But also, dude, you wanna know why, where the hell, remember we all left one house, I think it was while we were actually house hunting for Hamlin. All five of us.


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[Assistant] Yes, Adam, Haley, me, you and Kyle, we all took separate cars to go look at a house somewhere, like I think it might've been Culver City.


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[Assistant] This was, this was a while back. This is before, uh, yeah, global warming.


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[Assistant] Now we're at the brink of destruction, but this is where. Because of, because of you. But I got a speeding ticket.


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[Assistant] Cause I hit the gas because we were going to be late to the, to the showing.


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[Assistant] You fucking got me, dude. The cop smacked my hand and I said, yes, sir.


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[Assistant] Dude, what a different era. Dude, we're from a, we're like just on the fucking crack of like the generation of parenting that did not


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[Assistant] Really, like, go in and analyze anything. Ever. Yeah, it was just like, dude, just go play. Just go play.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's like main concern, don't die. Don't get kidnapped. Whatever doesn't kill you.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, like a couple of weeks later. Honestly, I think this, the whole Queen Elizabeth thing was so like. Like her life?


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[Assistant] I think it was just like very eye-opening to


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[Assistant] Like, I think like, news networks was like, oh yeaah, this is gonna be a hot news day because we're gonna really honor her and all this shit and it's gonna just be like, dude, she's 96, we've been building up to this, but then like social media was just...


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[Assistant] When I said, uh, when I said like dunking, it was literally like they had like...


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[Assistant] Photoshop like Charles head on like, uhm, like Deandre Jordan dunking on that one dude and turning that into Queen Elizabeth so it's like just like nuts on her head like so literally.


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[Assistant] Well, I don't know, it gets all into like, it was like the interracial marriage of it, and then like, the queen evidently wasn't hyped on it, so like everybody's like, fuck her.


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[Assistant] I am beautiful, no matter what you say.


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[Assistant] But did you, have you guys ever had that moment where you, where you found out someone you grew up watching was only like a few years older than you? Like Kobe Bryant, when Kobe died and they were like, he was 44 or whatever it was, I was like.


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[Assistant] Are these Gerber size? Are these big GIF family?


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[Assistant] Where they like stretch your body out? I don't know, I'm just quoting my brother who does all that stuff.


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[Assistant] Yeah, those photos are, uh, hokey. That's what I'll say. I don't know what they are.


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[Assistant] Kyle, you're like a diaper floating in a canal.


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[Assistant] And they're like, and cut, okay, we're gonna move the cameras around.


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[Assistant] I know it's fine, but I was like, this dude's wild. That's wild, right?


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[Assistant] College kids, you know. The little ones are like taking a shot. And then the big ones, you know, that's, that's like, uh, having a mixed drink.


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[Assistant] And if you just tuned in now, Blake knows what the Macarena is.


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[Assistant] Or wait, are you thinking of De- no Destro had the silver dome, but Cobra Commander had the silver face.


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[Assistant] I was just gonna say, Peter D, coach, coach has the fucking, he has the best Cobra Commander impression that like nobody asked for. I think I've heard it. And it's so loud.


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[Assistant] But dude, his, his fucking Cobra Commander is...


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[Assistant] Can we talk about GI Do The Movie? Maybe the greatest opening sequence in film history.


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[Assistant] Where this like, this mysterious assassin infiltrates the fortress, sneaks out, and then Cobra falls from the sky, the fucking balloons are falling, it's sick.


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[Assistant] No, Adam, you got the story wrong. It was, here's this, here's Sergeant Slaughter to win your son back.


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[Assistant] Then that's how I got it. Cause I had him, and then when they had, uh, refrigerator Perry.


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[Assistant] And grew up to be Mr. Slaughter.


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[Assistant] My father Ryan Slaughter is a good man.


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[Assistant] I got a pack of cigarettes that Jason kid smokes. Oh, like starter or something or whatever.


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[Assistant] Oh, you're talking about, uh, elite?