[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and I- I don't know. I- I think every- Oh, probably not everyone. This may be a weird thing to bring up. I don't know. No, he didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Future events where you can do more stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, like, the thickest content of it. And he hydrates. He hydrates a lot, I can tell. Maybe Carlos is the fastest, I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I, am I crazy? Call me old fashioned. Whatever happened to just going on porn, just Googling porn and clicking a link and just finding a video on the front page?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Porn potential for even if you were just like a mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had a sign where I couldn't tell if it was a bit and it wasn't a sex thing, or if it was a sex thing and it was so complicated, I couldn't tell. Like, it was some, it looked like a camera, like, rig.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my grandma lady, calm down, that's gross. Uhm, Sam. Yea? Do you use the autoblow?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I have a hand. I, I just, uh, yeaah. Oh, maester! Okay, yeaah. I know you, what do you use? I don't want to get into it. What? You can probably just jerk up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A robot? I'm definitely not Mr. Normal, but when it comes to, you know, like, porn and stuff, I'm pretty... I've never experimented with, uh, augments or enhancers. Really? Not even one, huh? No, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just broke myself off so good. It's not a big deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My tenderness, uh. Your tenderness. Yeaah. See for me, for me, it's actually, it's the worst.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, this is why I call myself Mr. Normal when it comes to jerking off, is because I actually can suck my own penis, which is something, you know, not a lot of people can do, but why would I ever buy a device when I can, you know, hit the back of my head?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm a very inflexible. I took yoga for three years and I still can't touch my toes. So, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And without the internet too, just like exemplify, like wow, what an accomplishment that that made it to every school in America without the world wide web, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have to then fart it out or do you have to tie a rope around it or?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would it be weird to put it in a condom first? That way, you know, it felt more like a condom and not like a hair ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to have it fully memorized, this guy in college that I had a whole, he was like an early proud boy. We went to high school with him and then he lived across from me in college and I could see into his window all his flags and shit and he posts a video on Facebook where he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm a proud western chauvinist and I will uphold the housewife. Support the like, the line of duty. It was just like this whole speech. Really good stuff. Really good like, motability. And uh, you know, it's just cause it's like, this guy used to babysit me. This is weird. He really went off the deep end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he got to a point on Facebook, he got to a point where even his like racist, horrible parents were like, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 911, like, I need help. And he's like, what seems to be the problem, man? Have you seen this? And she's like, I've got my like 13 year old and 14 year old daughters who are fighting and the 13 year old like, uh, I can't control her, I can't control her. And he's like, what do you want us to do, come over and shoot her?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did I fucking say that? Like, oh fucking- and she doesn't let it go, like her emergency's dropped to that point, and she's like, do you think it's gonna be funny when your supervisor hears-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, I can't imagine, like Sam, what are you going to do when your kids start getting to the point? Cause they're going to be huge. You're going to have some big ass daughters, like when they start turning into monsters, cause they will, cause you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I have, anytime I have to prove I'm smarting, it starts getting my tongue all tied up, but it's down, down deep there. I actually am really good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sounds like it's within the test margin of error. He's the smartest guy I know. So that's pretty good. Well, it's not better than Malcolm in the middle though, so. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he was 10 years old, he could, he had every number in the world in his head and it burned up all his thoughts. So now he can't even think good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I had a guy the other day DM me. This is a little off topic, but it's, it reminded me of, Sam, do you remember in San Diego when we saw an open mic night? And you were like, how funny would that be? I still think it'd be funny as like a punishment or like somehow, or like a something for the podcast or for Die Laughter, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, I think we should scrap the idea. I don't like the idea. I would be so fucking wildly nervous. And I had a guy that I met at a pregame like three months ago DM me on Instagram the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's like, hey man, how the hell are you? Like, just messaging you, cause I'd love to see you do stand-up sometime. Cause he's like, does it around this area. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was so nervous, like, I don't know about that man, and he's like, come on, you don't have to be funny, like, for that long, it's just like five minutes. He's like, you were funny the whole night when I met you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, and I'm not like afraid of public speaking, but I feel like that would just be so different. Like it would just be so putting yourself out there. You have nothing to work with. They don't say anything back. It'd be like me standing up there and jerking off. Like I think it would be that hard for me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still bad, and then just like purposely bomb, and that's like my pre-excuse for how I bombed. It's like, I did it on purpose! And then I'd probably, you know, cry myself out. Like a, like a Galifianac.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I'll just talk to the viewers. Yea, just talk to yourself, nobody cares. If Gallagher's brother becomes the new Gallagher...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's gotta be a balance here. I will take the role of Gallagher's current brother in that I will then impersonate him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it'll be more of a cyclical thing. Uh, anyone in the audience kind of look like us, look like the Gallagher's in me. Uh, maybe when the older brother dies, cause he's, you know, going to be at the door soon and I become real Gallagher, you can then feel, Oh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gallagers? Any Gallagers in the audience? Let me know. DM me. Uh, send me a video of you, uh, sitting on a water, squashing a watermelon. Hitting it with that big hammer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we should, you guys should just Venmo me. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Sawtooth Mountains. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a cute game. I did like that. I didn't beat it of course. What do you guys think Game of the Year is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you see that video of that little kid like absolutely getting...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish Carlos went, oh well, it sounds fucked up. I wish he went to poker, I don't even know if he was invited, so I shouldn't say that, but I wish he was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See you lettuce, like I'm gonna go bed. Okay, bye. And if you want to hang out, he's there to hang. He's very, he's very, he keeps things copacetic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see, who else was there? That's it. Oh, Will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, it's close. It's like a 45 minute Uber. We end up in Maryland. You know, I've never been there. We end up in another state. We go through two states really to get there. And


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We get there, everyone loses their money in like 15 minutes and then they're like, okay, like I'm down to leave if you want. And then I just called another, we were there for like an hour, but the money was gone right away. We just like walked in. I called an Uber there and then I called one back. It was most depressing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted, I'd rather just play poker like with us. Like I put money down on like if we were playing in a friend group, but it was like, I went out to sign up for poker and


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was $500 buy-in and it was like, yeah, you're going to be at a table with a bunch of random guys and they're all really good at poker. I'm like, no, that sounds horrible. And then Blackjack, they're like, yeah, let's put it all on. They lost. I tried, I saw Wellen in New York after Zetrom's wedding when like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] $1500 on slots, which is like unheard of. Like he had the jackpot like twice while I watched him. So my one thing I did is I took $100 and I put it in a slot machine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was uhm, it was frozen weight for the $200 buy-in. It was like the only line you could get in was $500 buy-in. It is a building designed to steal your money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and even the ambiance wasn't great. Like when I, you know, if I think of a casino, I want it to be in like a Percy Jackson, like the fucking Lotus. You know, like I want it to be banging music. I want it to have cool lights. It was just like, it's that same, like you go to a casino, you see a bunch of old people like, this is sad. I don't like the vibes here at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Carrot Top's gonna be performing in just two hours if you just wait. Oh god! What's he doing in Gallagher performance? Gallagher tribute?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will now, if Gallagher's brother's still alive and takes up being Gallagher 1, I will fill the role of Gallagher 2 and copy him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oopsie. I'm from Gallagher or Shameless, either one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know that I snuck those in. Stull, you honestly should edit in just some segues of just you editing the video. Like you editing yourself and some, make a real meta, a real, uh, what's that, oh I just, sorry to talk about movies, I know we're ending, I just watched, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should watch adaptation then. It's the most like, I don't want to over, it's like the most like meta, it's like a movie about him making, being John Malkovich and then getting a project to make the movie that is adaptation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's a movie about him making the movie basically, and it's very funny. Nicholas Cage plays Charlie Kaufman, and he just has an identical twin brother that's not a real person in real life, and it's like his cool, like, Nick Cage brother. He's just like a fat loser.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, when I was a couple people back, like I kept kinda looking at me. But I was, this is the first time I've ever been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recognize some, you know, I'm not going to be presumptuous and be like, this guy knows who I am.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The last time I got recognized, it was like the complete opposite of that, where the guy was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just so casual about it. I didn't even know if like we were on the same page.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was after a concert ended and I'm like talking to my friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was funny because like it literally had just gotten brought up. They're like, what do you do now? And I'm like, you really like, you have no idea what I do. And they're like, no, you've never told us. I'm like, oh fuck. Like maybe I am too secretive. Like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you, we talking about the like what from what I'm like, do we like meet at a bar or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aqua definitely probably gets that a lot. He's probably taller than people think because he comes off so meek in some ways, but he's just like a big guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you know there's like a thing where he's really fast? You would not expect him to be quick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, I think it was like the after, I can't remember.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, yeaah. I don't think so. We all- it pisses my mom off really bad cause like all her kids look like their dads and not like her and she's always like, well I see it a little, like, I think he looks like me some and I- I look absolutely nothing like my mom and nothing like anyone else in my family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It did, he has like actual curly hair though, like very. Could he rock a zoomer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time I get in a goddamn Uber lately, it's like, well tomorrow on the fucking way to the airport now, I feel like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he got out of jail and then he, he killed my nephew and his best friend and chopped him up and threw him. He's like, he was a bounty hunter that went crazy, like killed my nephew and his best friend. I'm like, Oh my God. Like I was so stunned. I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and like, he got my nephew and his friend, but like, I think he had an accomplice, because- What the fuck? You say, if you're 15, you see your friend get shot, you're running. Like, I don't know how he got both of them, and I'm like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at this, like, look at this guy, look at this guy, like, shows me some fucking shirtless picture of some, like, ripped dude and he's like, yeah, that's my son's friend and, uh, like, he's actually gonna be living with us for a while and I told him, like, hey man, you better not come into my bedroom, like, no gay shit or any of that. I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, yeah, my son thinks I'm like, like he's going to trick me or something, like piece of shit. I'm like, yeah, like, I don't know. Maybe your son could be onto something. And he's like, no, I've met him before. I met him. I'm like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna rehash it because I've already talked about it like three times, but I just had the weirdest time of my life on a cruise and like, it sucked honestly and it was just really weird and awful but like, I kinda miss it. Now that I hear that I'm like, I didn't get some good just like, alone time and being like, what the fuck is going on here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I'd go insane. What if I went on a cruise by myself, dude? Do you think I could get laid or do you think I'd get murdered?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Multiple times when I got drunk off, I'm like, what if I just, like, I don't want to get arrested on a cruise, but like, what if I just, like, fucking opened up a door?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember the first night they were like, they gave my mom something. She's like, I'm vegetarian. They're like, oh, we'll try something. And they gave it to her. And they're like, what'd you think? And she'd eaten like most of it. And she's like, no, it was good. Thank you. The guy's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The next day, like, we eat already so much fucking food during the day. And then at night they're like, we fucking, we slaved over this, we worked tirelessly. They just made like a four course Indian meal on top of what we already had. And our whole family's like, uuuh. And they bring out like fresh, like the best fucking Indian food I've ever had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then as to like, we're like, well, fuck, we can't not eat it. Cause they did it just for my mom. So everyone's kind of like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would you buy that? What would you want that for?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The second we get ads, speaking of visibly changing with more money, suits for everyone, fucking fancy ass backdrops, like silk curtain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could go through TSA with like two Skittles in your mouth. They never even know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a bunch of people, you know, like, that are smaller than you'd expect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, uh, it was pretty remarkable. Honestly, it was pretty surreal. Uh, showed up at Tampa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, shut up, Edward. I guess I shouldn't dox where I met up with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It looked like someone just bought the place and spent like $5,000 that IKEA putting up the most like very...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You did? Stult will get a kick out of this. I said, hey, what's up? Nice seeing you around like you're Stult's friend. And he was like, oh yea Stult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, uh, we were buying seats in the nosebleeds and they were all, you know, like, maybe you can have our old seats if we, uh, while he's trying to get us like VIP, but they were already like second row. I'm like, what is that much better like than first and second row?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, they ended up giving us their old seats, so we were fucking like third row, right on the corner, on the floor area, very cool, very, very lavish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did have, there was goddamn the corner, like the blue poles right in front of us and the camera man. I'm like, you guys couldn't have got a smaller, like higher peanut, higher peanut or something. Like, camera man was huge, it was like, and the bodyguards would stand right there and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, of course like iDubbbz, and I knew like, uh, of Michael Reeves, but I was like really out of touch with all the fights. But that one was really good, I think Alex and Ryan were their names. And then the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All this shit about it, and like who's the best, yeaah. No, he wasn't, he was actually really impressed with a couple of them, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For like, y-you know, I went into it too being like YouTuber, boxing fight, this is gonna, you know, they're just gonna be like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The ones where they just wail on each other, like the most fun to watch, like the more technical fights were kind of boring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a, another thing, dude, Devin could not get over how short Critical was when we, when we were, the first night, like we would go to Tampa, we go to Tampa, okay, we get to the Airbnb and then Peanut and all them were like, we're doing like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, Peanut's like, I'm a VIP bitch, like stop ringing up my number. Like, you're lucky we'll even talk to you, all this kind of shit, like, posturing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or if it's just Uber drivers in general, what makes them want?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To just say something like insane or talk about us and when their family died or was murdered or what like people can just confide in me or something and this guy was just going on and on about I told him that my family in Kentucky got brought up


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a mega fan. He knew everything about these shows and he's like, and this girl, I tell you what, like my God, you know, she might've only been like a teen in the show or something. I'm like, Oh my God, like it's going to here. And we get near the bars and he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, you boys better be careful here. This town has changed. It's so damn dangerous. Like, you gotta be careful. Like, don't look down when you're walking. And then he, like, there's a bunch of girls walking by and he's like, oh baby, like, check out these girls. Like, I just pray for a gust of wind to knock their skirt off or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was fucking weird and then we went to a really


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we just sat around and Omid was fucking miserable. As soon as he got there he was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The first day he's like, I think I just got over a sickness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we go to the casino and we walk in the door, it's, you know, it's so grand. There's all these really old freaky looking Tampa people smoking cigarettes, walking around, uh, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, uh, Peanut and then finally roll in, you know, meet, it's like Peanut, his girlfriend, Wubby, Carlos, Carlos's, or, uh, no, Carlos's girlfriend wasn't there. Wubby's girlfriend, Alex and their friend, uh, Booty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm telling Peanut like I'm not going to recognize anyone else here immediately. See, this guy I know from Rust like six years ago, we used to be in like a group chat named Bryce and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, what are you doing here? He's friends apparently with some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He walked in with his little posse and everyone's like, whoa, critical. Like he, he rocked it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You rocked it well, and uh, I went up to him, I'm like, hey, what's up, like, good to see you again, uh, you're on, like, Forehead Fable, or I was like, Poob from Forehead Fables, and he was like, uh?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I'm sitting at the casino, you know, until like 5 a.m. or something. I have a good time, like, Wubbie and all them, very hospitable to us, like, kind of just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he bought me a drink. I'm like, alright, I'll buy you guys a drink. He's immediately like, alright, I'll take you up on that. Fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then the next day was the, the titular, the creator clash. And uh, wow, that line was filled with a lot of people you'd expect to go into a creator clash. Oh, absolutely. I saw, uh, a lot of horrors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We kinda got there right when the first fight started, we sat down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe it was shorter than that. I have no concept of time, dude. I was just drinking with Omid and Devin. And, uh, then afterwards we go to peanut and all them in the front row.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was good, it was really good to hang out with him, not, like, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But anywho, we go up to the front row where they are, you know, in their cool little VIP area and there's another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's gonna shoot me with a fucking, well, I mean, it wasn't separated by anything, they're just two rows ahead of us. Uhm, but this guy,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy is apparently a viewer. I think of the podcast and he's a General Sam fan and everything, but there was a guy there with them. Oh, sorry. One second. Let me back up. I ran into a surprising amount of people that like recognized me. I mean, it was like four people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But one of them, he's front row of like right off floor seats, like right on the other side of the gate. And I'm walking by him and he's going poob, poob, poob.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And every time I walk by that guy, he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just became, like, he was cool. I'm like, hey, afterwards, like, nice to meet you. But I'd have to walk by him every time I wanted to get a drink. And so every time I walk by, I'd be like, hey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then on one way to the bathroom, this guy comes up to me, he's like, hey man, can I get a picture? And I thought he meant me taking of him and his friend. I'm like, okay, yeah, like, he's like, no, of me and you. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? Like, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I, I'm like, well, that was cool. And I walked to the bathroom and a guy comes up to me and goes, hey, Poob. And the guy before didn't say my name, so I didn't think anything. Like, it would be reasonable that he wanted me to take a picture of him and his friend. This guy's like, hey, Poob, can I get a picture? And I'm like, okay, so this guy wants a picture with me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I took a picture of him and his friends like, now do one with him, and he's like, no, that will ruin it. And then the guy tagged me in the photo later that I just took of him and his friend, and I was like, what the fuck's going on in there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that another guy that, like, was, I, a couple, I think like three of the four were like, I just saw the hiking trip video. Like they'd all watched your video, which was cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then after the event, this guy's with Peanut and all them and they have like a little entourage. So we're like, I just want to see some guy in their entourage and we're talking to them and then they like start walking into the actual VIP area.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he wasn't front, he came from somewhere after the fight ended. Likewise with the guy that I had to keep walking by and go, hey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, that's a different guy. That guy is on, he's on the, he's not in floor seats technically. He's on like the front row of when it stops being floor seats. Okay. And after the, and there's a little gate. They're not supposed to really get down on the floor. After the event, he came up to me and was like, hey, I jumped the gate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, oh, oh, okay. And I'm like, fuck, this guy's gonna like, hang around me or something. He's like, alright, see ya. And just like, went off towards other YouTubers. I'm like, alright, good luck dude, like, thank you for, you know, as much as it was weird that he jumped the gate and is now like, roaming down here, like, he's not gonna just like, pry us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And well, I was, that's why I told them, like, alright, well, you guys hit me up later. They're like, no, you can just come in this area. I'm like, whoa, whoa, no way. We go in there and then all the fighters are in there and then like all the big YouTubers and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like Chris Reagan, the guy was like, like five feet flat or something, I see. They're just all like, I don't know. Some of them are much larger than you'd expect. Six, three. Uh, but I digress.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The mystery man starts talking to Devon and Omidmore and they're like, so you're part of like, you like know wubby and stuff? He's like, oh no, I'm like a total random.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And everyone's like, oh, okay, okay. And he's like, what are you guys doing Devintils? I'm like, oh, I'm a Tarkov streamer. My name's Axel Camper. And he's like, whoa, I'm talking to Axel Camper. I didn't even put that together. No, Amid's like, I'm Amid. And he's like, oh, oh my God, like I'm talking to Amid.


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[Assistant] And then, like, someone comes up and gives what be like that address to, uh,


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[Assistant] Okay, and here I am again shitting on someone that showed me nothing but hospitality.


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[Assistant] I can't remember who I was talking to. I think I was talking to Penance Girl from like age where you were saying about like,


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[Assistant] Like, where, where are the things on the walls? Like, where's the wall art? Like, what is, there's a cutout of him and Brendan Fraser, which I thought were funny, and then like a set of knight's armor. I'm like, that's cool. But like, where, where's anything, I was so barren.


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[Assistant] But it was cool, like, you know, we also, the guy, yeah, before he leaves, he goes up to Wubby, mystery guy, like.


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[Assistant] Can you give me that address? And we'll be like, no, man, like I, like we don't know you blah, blah, blah. And he's like, oh, but I love you guys. And, uh, like maybe it's a streamer. I don't know.


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[Assistant] And we're like, go ask critical. And he like fucking goes off and critical gives him the like, no.


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[Assistant] Like somehow got the address and showed up. And it was like, what's up boys? And we're, I'm like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, maybe he just, by association, hanging out with us for so much time around there, someone else just came up to him. Cause some guy came up to even Devon and was like-


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[Assistant] All night I just kept going by Sam, oh which got me into a fuckin' awkward, I, I, I met this guy, uh, that's like some of the, uh, Minecraft YouTubers, he was really nice, Joko, and his, uh, I introduced myself to him and his girlfriend as Sam,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I'm like five minutes later, I'm talking to Alex and Wubby and he comes up or she comes up and it's like, Hey Sam, by the way,


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[Assistant] I also, like, I saw his ID, and I fucking doxed him so hard to Omid. And Omid immediately spilled the beans. I'm like, Omid on the DL, like, wow, like, that's his, this is his name. And Omid, like, by the time I turned around and tell him that, and then turned to grab my drink, I turned around, they're like all glaring at me, and I'm like, oh fuck. And then I gave him as, I'm like, here's my...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gave, I gave up my like 17 year old, uh, driver's license. That's like a treasure of mine. Out of my wallet. Now he has, he sent me like a, he's sitting like threatening like close ups of like my face on it and shit. I'm like oh fuck, like I just drunkenly was like here you go.


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[Assistant] Who's in it? Why can't I even? It's cause I just preferred the prestige so much when they came out. They say Edward Norton.


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[Assistant] That would actually be sweet though. And also the fucking, uh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, would this guy just get us a good room or is he gonna get us like a stipend?


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[Assistant] We could, we could even do a training montage again. We should go to San Diego sometime, hang out with Bizzle and Peanut and Wubby and Carlos and all them. They're like, you know, they gamble all the time there, they said.


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[Assistant] I think it's, I think they just stay around there. I don't know. It's probably like a fucking hard rock or something.


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[Assistant] The shotgun blast just happened. I'd be like, well, do we keep recording? It's the guy from the fucking event.


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[Assistant] Ryan was saying what if the guy from the boxing event was outside with a gun?


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[Assistant] As long as you weren't like one of those people that went out like 15 seconds, I would be proud of you if you shit your pants.


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[Assistant] Remind me to finally do my taxes. You didn't do your taxes? It's none of your business, Ryan. Damn. I got a text from my dad last night about gave me a goddamn heart attack. It said like,


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[Assistant] Call me ASAP, question about taxes. And I was like, oh, like how, why would we even, why would he? Like I'm an independent now. Like what, what could happen?


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[Assistant] You can fake like just being like, oh, this is more fun than it is sometimes, but you know, it's like pretty transparent when I'm not having a good time.


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[Assistant] And then I was gone for like 15 minutes on a phone call and it came down and was like...


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[Assistant] Did he end up passing for that?


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[Assistant] You're like corner water bottle, like dump on themselves and stuff, just fill it with lighter fluid.


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[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, they had like little like at the bells they'd go over and they'd sit in their little corner and people'd like...


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[Assistant] It kinda seemed like a professional team.


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[Assistant] Dude, we stayed till Tuesday, I got back Tuesday night at like 2am.


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[Assistant] 1am I ended up hanging out with Devin and me two extra days and it wasn't uneventful. It was not, you know, we were like trying to cool it down, but we're still going out too late and doing


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[Assistant] We went to a Rachel's in Florida, which is a gentleman's club and steakhouse.


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[Assistant] But the reason why we kept going is because I think on the hiking trip I fucked my neck up, but it just didn't really bother me that much.


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[Assistant] It kinda like ruined the end of the trip, and I mean I still had fun, but they were like, do you wanna go out on jet skis or something? I'm like, I-


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[Assistant] I like pinched a nerve bad or something. So when I get drunk, I could kind of, even getting drunk at a point wasn't doing much. But the casino, I got a massage from someone at the casino and it ruined me the next day.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, like, Devon's going from, and like, I don't have like...


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[Assistant] I don't know. Like, I'm not normally one to be like, ow, this fucking hurts or like, it's just insane how bad it fucking hurt when he'd like even start moving his car. Or if I sneeze or something, it's


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[Assistant] Yeah, the, the whole, I know I kept telling Peanut, like, can you guess what hurts on my body? If I would say it, he's like, oh, uh, cause, well, yeah, while we're there, it's like,


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[Assistant] And uh, you know, maybe got a little ganja and stuff. And I was like, I don't want this night to end because I can turn my head around. Like I could do a 360. Yeah. And I'm like, holy shit. So we go to another bar when the main one closes and it's like got one person in it and we drink there for a little bit. And then Devin's like, I want to go home. I'm tired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, uh, Omid and our other friend were like, I'm like, I need to keep going.


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[Assistant] You know, she had weed, so she, oh, you got to smoke, and I was like, this fucking rocks. And then I saw her again at Critical's compound, while like, we'd only been there for like 30 minutes, there's something broken inside of me, where I, I one, don't have any restraint when I see it, I'm like, man, I'd love to, you know,


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[Assistant] If I'm like already drinking, like I'd love to be a little high right now. And it's like, dude, it's like Sam, it was like you, but maybe not as bad as you with the f**king vessels when you hear it.


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[Assistant] Anyway, like, we were talking, like, in the compound, we've been there for like 30, 40 minutes, you know, it's like, wow, these are all the biggest YouTubers. Like, it didn't really, I think the podcast helped me, like, I don't know, it just wasn't like,


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[Assistant] Well, I just kept introducing myself as Bam and like, I mean, they wouldn't know who I was anyway, but I, it would be a weird event to like socialize like that. It was just more like, it was just more like a party. Like no one else was like, Hey, can I get a picture? Can I get a, you be on podcasts?


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[Assistant] I had to fit in. But anyway, we're talking to this, I don't know, some e-girl or something and...


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[Assistant] We're all wearing the matching, uh, NASCAR jackets, which kill. They always do.


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[Assistant] It was probably like an hour, I don't know. We didn't stay too much longer after that, we went back to the fucking casino, but like, I'm like surrounded by like, the elite of Twitch and stuff, and I'm just like, uuuh.


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[Assistant] There's a couple, like, a lot of people that are really cool, really, you know, like, down the earth, a couple people, hold the door open for them, wouldn't even look at me, not a word of thanks.


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[Assistant] Actin' way too cool for what we do as a job.


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[Assistant] It was, I think, I don't, you would think it'd be less since they're all together in one room or something, but I don't know. There's a group right away, door open. They walk by now where I'm like, you're welcome. Not a look back.


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[Assistant] He's a cop in full uniform in a sheriff's car, and he's pulling out as we pulled in, he's like, hey.


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[Assistant] And Wubby's like, uh, uh, and he's like, I'm just fucking with you, Wubby.


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[Assistant] I know, it's like, you're not gonna get fired if I just pop a couple into the wall in the ceiling.


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[Assistant] Even Devon started calling me Poob again in real life even though I adamantly last time. That's not a bad name, you should own it. I like my real name too though when I'm in real life.


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[Assistant] Listen, last time I hung out with Devin, we went to a worse place, okay? This place looked like a palace, but because of that, the prices were also...


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[Assistant] Do you have a steak? How much is a steak? $300? How much fucking water was? I'm like, I'm the guy at the door is like, guys, go in there and get some fucking stakes. Get some fucking bitches. Have a good fucking time. Like, this is weird.


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[Assistant] I thought that was like a dying thing. It's weird, yeaah. I don't like, it's just like kind of, it's kind of gross. I really didn't want to go to sleep yet. And also our friend Austin is like, yeah, let's go to fucking, like we've never been, I've never been to Rachel's either.


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[Assistant] Everyone was talking, it was either that or going an extra 50 minutes to a new fucking Hard Rock Casino and then we'd be there, or you know, our plane was the next day, it's like...


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[Assistant] Maybe that's like 8am if we did that. And then on the fucking, the ride back from that Rachel's, our Uber driver, it took like 15 minutes to get there.


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[Assistant] Probably like, I mean at a time, like one, but total, I don't know, like four or five.


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[Assistant] We, uh, and then our friend brought, like, we smoked a joint afterwards and I smoked like the whole thing basically.


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[Assistant] No, I was just like, every time I talk you'd hear, like, my tongue separate from it, and it, like, slime would, it'd be like...


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[Assistant] I don't know why you keep saying words like that. Temporary. I'm like putting it into push. Temporary.


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[Assistant] And I'm like, hey, like mister, like mister man is last name. Like are you doing all right? And he's like, cause I remember when you're on the team, he had.


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[Assistant] Like some, like diabetes. And he had to wear like these like socks, you know, for it. And it was like really affecting his vision. And he was like the one driving the fucking boss. I'm like, okay.


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[Assistant] I don't understand the science why they have to take their legs but it's terrific.


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[Assistant] My mom used to tell me that I get diabetes when I was a kid. It probably put the fear of eating some more health food in me.


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[Assistant] And she's like, what's wrong with them? And they're like, I think he just needs to go home, maybe like play some video games, get some rest. They're saying like, he came in here and he said he felt very small today.


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[Assistant] Dad, like, started dating my step mom and he's like, now you have to sleep in this room. I was fucking horrified. And I was like, no.


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[Assistant] My dad and grandpa and I are all avid movie watchers, but the grandpa man I've talked about before seems like more times than not we're watching evolution for some reason. Love that movie.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. Yeaah, that's a good movie. The guy from My Name is Earl. He had Randy in it when he was fat as shit. That's a good movie.


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[Assistant] They have those little quarter machines.


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[Assistant] And he was on bath salts, now I'm on bath salts, like what should I, you know?


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[Assistant] If I did bath salts, what's the first thing you think of, like eating someone's face?


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[Assistant] Oh man, that is sweet. I don't, this format's weird. This is what we, this is like perfect TikTok format.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he sent me that pre-work like a week ago and I was like, man, maybe I should buy this from this guy and use it. And you're just so fast to the draw. You're just such a, I'm not, I'm going to shut down my merch store. It's a.


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[Assistant] I haven't even put new merch on there in a while, it's just, my soul's not in it anymore.


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[Assistant] Alright, I'll only sell Peter, Peter, Peter in various poses.


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[Assistant] Dude, if I was in that, I think it'd be so fun. It'd be such a good excuse to actually just get in really good shape. Like, it'd be awesome to fucking train for it.


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[Assistant] BOOM. I got rubbed out by her so fucking hard at the casino. As I was counting cards.


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[Assistant] They were all like, we're ready to go. We'll meet you. I'm like, go, go, like whatever. They're like taking videos of me and shit while it's just like, uh,


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[Assistant] It was kinda weird. Cause they, as they're leaving too, they're all like, don't worry, he'll tip you real well. And I didn't have any more cash on me. And I'm like, fuck. And I'm like, do you have Venmo? She's like, I don't know what that is.


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[Assistant] For that price. Also like just spend a little money.


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[Assistant] Like the lost boys and shit. Or not lost boys. What is that movie? It's stay golden pony boy.


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[Assistant] I know trivia, but also that you think I wasn't everything that guy told me. I'm like, yeah, I know Cooter owns this mechanics. No, you still.


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[Assistant] He was like, well, you know, in that 70 show that they're, and I'm like, yep, that's, and he's like in the guy from that 70 shows in the ranch. I'm like, yeah.


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[Assistant] I have some friends that normally have like very normal shhh, no they don't. They, they're like big fans of like Xavier Renegade Angel shit Miss Lettuce watching. And like stuff like that, but they're not like, they never like nerd, like, I don't know, like Star Trek or Star Wars or anything like that.


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[Assistant] Just started watching Star Trek from the beginning, like a couple months ago, and are still fucking watching it. It's like, I guess if you just wanna show, you can just...


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[Assistant] I keep hearing like, it's not like very, and I've never seen it. That's the Robert De Niro like rape movie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Would that screen cap they put where it was like those five people together?


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[Assistant] That's from the sequel where the, I guess the kangaroo people turn into regular people. I've never seen the sequel. What the hell?


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[Assistant] It's like, almost hard to find a way to watch these movies though. I mean, I have the VHS, but I'm a VHS player. We watched that, what movie was it that we watched? Gun Cata? No, it's Jim Cata. Dude, I was jealous when I saw you guys watch, I've seen shit about that movie before, and it always looked really funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched, I think like Drew Gooden or someone made a video on this before. And then I think Omid inspired from your Twitter clips. I was supposed to stream with him today and he's like, oh, I forgot I'm watching a movie at eight. I'm like, oh, what movie? The Northman, everything everywhere all once. You know, like really good movies that have been coming out. I've been trying to get him to see. Jim Cotta. Jim Cotta. God damn it. Have you guys seen either of those yet?


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[Assistant] You need to see everything everywhere at once, too. Like, don't sleep on that when that comes out on shit.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's yeah, that's been one of my goals forever when I finally get a house is to have like a nice ass little home theater. Put all my nerd shit in that room.


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[Assistant] In-house pinball machine where the pinball's the size of a bowling ball and I fucking pull back a thing with all my weight and shoots it, it's like


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[Assistant] Two weeks ago, it was a total fucking blast. I won and I hit the back fucking fence a couple times and I thought I'd be so fucking bad. I mean, it still wasn't good, but I was like, I was, I'm like, God damn, it's like riding a bike. I'm like an incredible golfer.


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[Assistant] No, people do it there too. Yeah, they have a guy that drives around there too. Everyone fucking hates that guy.


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[Assistant] I just typed in my, my crush's first name from my account. Like my, my account was like.


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[Assistant] Ninja Monkey Nibbles at like Comcast.net or something. It was so fucking bad and I just.


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[Assistant] And just type your name, like didn't know you had to put an email address and shit. And then I remember, oh my God, dude, like flash games were huge. I played it.


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[Assistant] And uh, adventure quest was really big in our friend group for a while, which is just this one. And I remember she gave me her account login and she was like, can you like level up my person?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Only talk to a girl if you're pretending to be her. Okay then.


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[Assistant] We argued about that a lot in Florida because there's apparently a Tarkov Twitter that Devon was like, have you guys seen that girl? I'm like, no. I mean, it's like, oh yeah, she's.


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[Assistant] Seems cool or whatever. And they get in such an argument. This is drunk on me too. He's like, she is not a catfish. And Devon's like, dude, it is like, he's like to me personally, it's clear as day that she is not like what she says, at least like maybe it's this girl, but like every picture is like same angle, super filtered.


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[Assistant] And then we're like, what, fuck it, whatever, like we're both getting mad. We're like, you are too drunk, dude. And he's like, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He wouldn't be confrontational, like I have friends that a guy would bump into him and he'd be like, fucking apologize. Now, like, he's not like that to like strangers, really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You fucking pussies wouldn't. Like at the end of the year, he was really mad because at the end of the bar, he's like, I'm going to get tequila shots. Do you want one? I'm like, no, dude, I really don't like tequila that much. Like, especially now that I've just been drinking like all sorts of other shit, like I don't want a tequila and Devon's like, I don't want a tequila.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Austin's like, I do it to kill him. He comes back four shots and I'm like, dude, you're about to learn a lesson. And like I said, I didn't want one. I'm not going to fucking drink this. And he's like, come on. He puts, he's like, drink these. And we're all like, no. And he's like, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was hilarious, honestly, watching him like that. I've never seen him really like that. Maybe at the Creator Club event he hit that level, but.


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[Assistant] That tequila, we banned him the next day. We're like, you're not fucking drinking any tequila, dude. Cause he was also, he was like gonna sleep on the couch originally. And Devin's like, yeah, I mean, you're gonna sleep on the couch, right? And he's like, I don't want to disturb your parents. I'll just sleep in your room on the ground. And Devin's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did the Airbnb for two nights.


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[Assistant] No, but it's like apparently becoming more blossoming. I don't want to say what town it is.


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[Assistant] Yeah. How long was this? Two hours, 44 minutes.


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[Assistant] Yeah, this is the only time I've talked the most. Probably just cause greater clash. I'm going to probably take it back seat next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Watch Warriors of Virtue. You can talk about Gymkhana to me next time. I haven't seen it. You can describe it.


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[Assistant] That w- that could be, I can't think too good that fast, but.


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[Assistant] Don't be scared to just say no to things. Yeah. And then he's just, he's just whipping his dick around everywhere. Just like saying no to shit. I asked him, yeah, I asked him to be on shit all the time. Then he just says no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he a musician now? Oh dude, yea, he's got a band. They're getting hundreds of millions of plays. And I just realized, you know how a lot of artists complain about, uh, how little streaming services play? Or pay you? That's just bullshit apparently. If you get like a hundred million plays on Spotify, you're making like half a mil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's a boy band. He made an indie, he made an indie boy band, yeah. They're cool though, I mean it's good music, it's good music. I'm happy that he's moved on to, moved on past Minecraft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Wubbe lives in San Diego. I hope I didn't just dox him there, but he messages me and he goes, Hey man, you want to come down in Nashville, Tennessee to film something with me? And I'm like, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I assumed he lived there, but then I realized that we were staying at the same hotel and he's like, oh yeah, we just found a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Our guy who does all our shit is like, I have a space in Nashville that you guys should come to. I guess that's where they, you know, I guess it's a lot cheaper there. Yeah. So we went down to Nashville and we just broke some shit. They had a, I mean, it was a fucking production. It was a fucking production. I was wondering like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Twitch funding all this? Cause they had these huge wooden props for everything. Like they had so much. They gave away an Audi R8, or like we're going to, uh, as the grand prize and they had it like in the studio just sitting there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if the, if the price was right, then you would have won the R8, but it wasn't right. So, uh, no, he won an iPhone instead, I think. And who put up the Audi?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we'll put up an Audi R8 for like, you know, one in 250 odds that the person wins it. And so it's like this fucking insurance scheme where, where, you know, one person wins the Audi R8 every now and then, and they just cash out because, because of the odds are in their favor. Yeah, that's actually a genius business idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fucking wubby funded all this though. Like he, he just put up all the money. Apparently he did some like Raid Shadow Legends shit. And uh, and just had the money. They're like, yea, book first class. Book, you know, get this nice hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, the only people I would trust to do shit for me like that, like Peanut, are back in New York where I used to live. Uhm, cause those are my buddy, like, if you have someone that,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously, Sam, you could probably relate. I don't know who, I don't know who, I don't know who Brian and Poob are, to be honest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who do you trust? Like, you're not just gonna go to a company and be like, hey, I need a personal assistant, or like, I forbid, go online and get a virtual one or something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You need someone in your life that, that like, you need like a day zero, almost. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I do, maybe I do. Look, I mean, the whole, the whole monkey thing was just me just like hitting by with my debit card on a fucking website. I, I, I need people to put bigger shit together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I went back to Twitch, I'd be doing nothing. I'd just be sitting there, just like, watching Daily Dose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's an image I love of this monkey with his nuts hanging out and he's just like chilling.


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[Assistant] He's got his arms back. He's in a zoo enclosure. Like he knows nothing. He's absolutely nothing going through this fucker's mind, but he has the most gorgeous pair of nuts on him. I mean, like they're, they're supple. They're there. I mean, like you can't miss them. If you see this image, your eyes, your eyes go straight there. Yeah. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The penis is relatively small compared to the nuts. Yea. You got balls that big, I mean. Yea. No, I mean. Yea. Yea. Yea. I mean if it was, if it was, it was proportionately sized, you get hard like all the blood goes there and then you just, you just lose consciousness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so someone sent me this image randomly. I think it was Ludwig's buddy, Slime. He just sends me this image of a blue one. It looks like a 3D modeled like object and it's just sitting in this town square.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then I do more, I like, I was like, where the fuck did this come from? And so I reverse image search it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it turns out that someone made a life like 10 foot plus tall statue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of this monkey. Just recreated it. And it was blue. The whole monkey was blue. And it just had these ginormous, just fucking big brass golden balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was just in Prague. They had it at like this, the fucking town hall at Prague in, uh, in the Czech Republic. And my first thought was like, I need to go there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, no, our plan was to go to Prague and then everybody's like, oh, you gotta see like the castles and the rich history of this beautiful war-torn country. I'm there for monkey balls, dude. Fuck that, monkey balls and I'm leaving. We were scheduled to stay for one day and our one day was go see the monkey ball statue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It couldn't happen though because of United and their like, stupid fucking policy about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you needed one like 48 hours before you landed in the home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, because I needed a connection to get to the other place where I'd fly across the ocean. It's just like, I couldn't have taken the test, uh, within the window. So it just couldn't happen. Um, and then my next thing was like, okay, well I couldn't see the monkey in real life. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did some more research and the guy, the same guy makes statues of them, like smaller statues. One of them was $95,000 and it was seated on this nice wooden table.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, well, I mean, it's just a sta- he didn't take the photo of the monkey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have not gotten an email from the guy who took the photo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so we, so we launched a merch and we, we bought it as well as a bunch of smaller, like hand sized, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bought this monkey. No, that was the pitch. It's like you...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's the thing, he also offers like $69,000 monkey statue, there's like a $60,000 one. We didn't make enough money to buy all of them because there's many versions of the less expensive ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the artist, honestly, you'd expect, you'd expect the artist of a monkey statue with big huge nuts on it to be a little bit, little bit wacko, you know, but I'm wacko too. So, I mean, this guy emails me and he's like, Hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I got an email from Sachi art, which is the company that like, I guess where he listed it, where I bought it off of and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, yeah, the small ones are already on their way. They should be in the states, you know, in, in one to two days or something. But the artist has taken, has taken the big monkey statue back to his foundry in Italy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is putting a fresh coat of patina on it or something. And I'm like, fuck yeah, this will be real shiny when it gets to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the first story building. We have the office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, next to it too, so I could be as loud as I want. And, uh, you know, we want, we definitely won't get the deposit back because there used to be a wall here. Oh, hell yeah. You just ripped it out. So yeah, you can see, you can see this line right here. There's no carpet because there used to be a wall there and we're just like, fuck it. We'll take it down and make some.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some film sets and we've been shooting shows here for, uh, OTK. My gaming org.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I passed the point of doing things for like, like, the last thing I care about is collabing with MrBeast or some shit. I just want to do things that are cool now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched the first, you know, we, we filmed one of the shows we do back there is like just react because we are who we are and we're lazy fucks. So we just sit on a couch and react to the content. And, uh, that Mr. Beast video was something we, we looked at and they don't even show the winner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They end this 20 minute long video being like, subscribe to see who wins in the next video. And there's like 10 people left.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, look, I would watch it if it was like, if it was like combat involved, but all these people are like friends, they're doing, they're making like TikToks in the circle together and being all, you know, fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I fucking love that guy. He was watching my OpenTTD streams. You guys know what that is? No. No idea. Oh dude, it's a transportation simulation game from like 1994.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, before, like, RollerCoaster Tycoon and all that, the same guy made this one, like, way back. And, uh, I would stream it to like 50 people, and Will would just show up and be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love this game, you know? And you'd just be in the chat, and I'd be like, hey man, I had like 50 subs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Wilbur was on his like Sudhouse channel with like a million. And I was like, hey man, I'll name a bus after you. Bus 14 is now the Wilbur bus or some shit like that. You know, it was just, it was cool. That dude's an OG.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I, you know what, I helped him do it. Really? The last couple, yea, the last, the filming session I did with SoodHouse was the last one ever. Really? I think we filmed three of them, and uh, two of them got uploaded, and the other one is just sitting there for eternity, just not being uploaded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean people got upset because we played that game where it was like, you know, try and make the other person's response seem as terrible as possible.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I can send you the clothing we made of the monkey nuts if you guys want it. Oh hell yeah. Yeah, for free. Oh hell yeah. You don't even have to pay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, they signed the contract before I became an owner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, it's like, I guess it's like some pretty petty shit. That's awesome. It tastes good. Yeah, what the fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really like uncanny valley. I'm gonna make robot merch and then buy as many as I can. I'll be able to get, look, I mean, they're like 40,000 bucks, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like yea I did. Um, it's gonna be coming in a couple, it'll be here in a couple weeks mom. And then you can, you know, live out all your fantasies with it. I'm gonna suck on them. I gotta, like there has to be some contact with my body through those nuts. There has to be. Well before she comes over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, ideally, cause I'm in an office, maybe I take the monkey statue for my house. And then she doesn't come to the fucking office. So she doesn't see the setup. She just sees my bed and the fucking monkey statue in it. Nothing else. No bed frame, nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't have this fucking Hans Zimmer, like, giant room of, of just, like, organs and shit that I play. It's the same setup you guys have, you know? Yeah. I'm just like you. Yeah, but ours is pathetic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hate having debt though. Like I hate having to pay things off. Like I'd rather just get the money situation sorted and then not have to worry about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm in the same fucking situation though, I live in a dump. I'm in an apartment right now that doesn't have furniture in it. The last house I was in, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the light fixtures were broken, like the carpet had a huge grease stain in the middle. Everything was just like, I've never lived in luxury. Uh, this monkey is my first, like, it's me dipping my toe into higher class living.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's always a room full of boxes and just like trash. So I'm moving in with a buddy of mine who just finished building a house and it's Texas so it's really like, it's an extravagant house. Like there's a lot and I have like two rooms in it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If it looks anything like your current house, which is just fucking boxes thrown everywhere. There's like a motorcycle in the middle of that, in the middle of the fucking living room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like it had clothes draped over it. And I'm like, dude, I mean, like it can't look like this. I take my completely empty apartment over living in squalor like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I ordered furniture like months ago and it still hasn't gotten here. And so I just like, uh, I eat dinner on the floor watching like Always Sunny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On my fucking apartment floor. My cat is just like taking over the place. He ate, he just, he's getting fat. My cat's getting fat. I don't know if you guys knew, uh, but he ate ten fridge magnets a couple weeks ago.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like these tiny foam letters. He swatted them off somehow. Dude, I come home from work and there's no more magnets left on my fridge. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know how they got, how he got them because they were at the top and he would have had to jump and swat them off, but he got every single fucking one of them and he ate like, he ate like 10 of them and there were three on the floor and we had to cut them open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know anything about magnets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, my first thought was like, okay, well should I push the cat against the fridge to see if there was like any hole? But he's like, nah, dude, that could, that could seriously fuck them up. And so they had to just, they had to cut them open and grab them. And now, and I was just like, okay, well,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What am I supposed to do now? The cat is gonna eat anything. Like he'll eat magnets if he's, if he's hungry. So I've just been open feeding him. Like he just got a huge bowl of shit 24 seven and he's just getting big. I don't know what to do. I don't know. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So my, my buddy Jambo is his name. He is the most friendly fucking cat. Every time I come home, I'll hop on the bed and he'll just like jump on after me and just like cuddle up with me for a couple minutes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he is just so dumb. Like you look at him for a bit and his eyes just start like kind of curving the opposite direction. You can just tell, you just tell that he's not all there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he jumped down and danger was coming. My, one of my podcast hosts, uh, Ted Nibbeson, I'm laughing so hard at little brother cause Ted had a, uh, he had a stuffed animal called favorite puppy. It's just like the same kind of vibe. It's just so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody still gets it wrong. He hates it so much too. That's his actual name. His name is Ted Nivison. And it's just, it just makes sense. It's like a radio. It's such a personality name, Ted Nivision. Yeah. Just makes sense. You know, makes sense for a YouTube channel, all that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody gets it wrong. Our merch site, when we drop monkey balls, uh, we had him on the site as like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine, imagine him trying to navigate around in a convention with his fucking night helmet on, with two little eye slits. It's crazy dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I was very stressed when, when I, when my face wasn't out there, I'd get paranoid about everything. Um, but it's kind of like a weight off your shoulders once you're out there. Like once the information has been leaked and people found it, like it's just like, okay, there it is. I can't do anything about it. Um, it's time to stop worrying about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I think he, the last fan experience he told me about was, uh, he was out to dinner with his girlfriend and uhm, someone recognized him at the restaurant and they had, they paid for his, for his bill.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know if your wife condones smoking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey look, I could go for longer, my sushi's about to get here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there are, I, I did, here's the thing, I say yes to too many things, which is why I'm on this fucking show in the first place. So I have another podcast to be on on the other, I have to drive to the other side of fucking Austin or it's going to be like an hour trip and then it's a D and D podcast with a, with a.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm going back on Just Roll With It, which is one of my buddies who's on Chuckle Sandwich, you know, we do the whole, do the whole thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't up, I don't, I haven't streamed in two years. Uhm, I upload like once a month. And yet you're everywhere. I do a lot of, yea that's the thing, I literally do say yes to everything. Uhm, so I'll be on a lot of shit. Can I have your stream key?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, cause I'm gonna come back, I'm gonna come back and watch Daily Dose for a living, and uh, you know, that'll be once I feel my relevancy start to wane, that's when you're gonna see. Oh, you know, she likes back on Twitch. Doing your own game shows and stuff, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No fucking idea. I think, uh, well I know Peanut used to live in Austin, and I think Whoopi just straight up poached him to San Diego. I don't know how, he must be paying him a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think one might manage the YouTube, like the clip channel or like highlights or something. I don't know. I didn't dig too deep. I was, I was too worried about getting, you know, being the perfect performer on The Price is Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My sushi's here in five minutes. I got five minutes till my sushi's here, bro. Alright, go poop, go. Make this count, poop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, and so like no one does this job in New York. It's either Austin or Los Angeles. If you're going to make like a, if you're going for collaborations and like to be in the, in the lifestyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then it's Austin or Los Angeles and I fucking hate Los Angeles, bro. I can go to LA for like a couple days and then I'll start to feel sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even know, see, I love Austin, right? And it's, I haven't even been collaborating with people, to be honest with you. It's just better to be around people who kinda get it, in my opinion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I just started. I just started. I've been here since, I've been here since like February, man. Oh, okay. And uhm, I really wasn't doing much in terms of like making videos with people. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, it was just more so just hanging around them and getting to know people who do this job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was someone in our family that got into crocheting and they crocheted this like little


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awesome. But the purpose of him is that you're supposed to hang him on a nail in your kitchen and stuff him full of plastic garbage bags.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, it started with, you know, it started with Neil Young, and then uh, and then now everybody's like free. He was removed? Wait, he got kicked out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was thinking that, I was like, dude, I don't really care for Joe Rogan, because he used to be a comedian and then he decided to stop being funny and I was like, that's not very cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They eat all the things that I don't like in the house. So I'm- It's a power thing for him. Is that what it is? Like you're in my property.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was ultimately the plan yesterday was, uh, bring up Joe Rogan, how he's been racist in the past. And then, uh, your natural inclination would be like, I don't like that guy. And then I was going to raise the point of, he's like, if he gets taken down, there's nobody guarding the front door for us to get taken down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, normal stuff that happens on our episodes. If you switch it over to him, I wonder if you'd get away with it with his platform.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen what the Tarkov people tried doing with that uh, have you ever heard of that app Telegram?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have a telegram and the way the telegram works is like you make like a little video instantly and then it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It makes like a thread of them. You can reply to them. But then here's the weird part is if you're not invited to make stuff, you can be, it can be public for anybody to view them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they can't partake in this conversation of people in the telegram like call, but they can like see everything that's been said. And so there's like a famous


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a series of comedians in Russia that have just been like doing zingers back and forth at each other and just ripping each other a new asshole and like millions of people in Russia are watching it, loving it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they were like, let's replicate that with the Tarkov people. Oh no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they sent me messages and Pesley sent me messages telling me to get on there. And I knew exactly how this was gonna go. I was like, this is...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, it's weird that like, on the eve before, like Russia is stacking boxes and boxes of


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I get a message from Pesle, he's like, get in here and help me please. Like they won't stop talking about Tarkov. Like, and so I log on and I look at it and it is just like 10 streamers only talking about


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was asked to come in there and like break up the conversation and so I just went in there and I looked at it and I just saw Cleen was there and so I just started shitting on him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every message that was in that Tarkov thing was, or the Telegram thing was very much like just someone that is used to speaking out and hearing a bunch of people hear them but never having to respond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was like, I was in the tester. There was like a testing lobby so everybody could learn how to use it and it wasn't public. And I was just like looking down on the toilet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he responded to it, like, yeaah. He wasn't upset or anything. What it was is, uh, Omid was looking for like a way to do, uhm. Omid was in there? No, no, no. This was way before like a year ago. Omid was like, how do you think I should light this so it doesn't take up so much room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I saw Clean had posted the most ingenious lighting setup of all time, and it's one of those like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If her normal shtick is just like licking microphone ears and like whispering in the ear and stuff, and you're like, oh okay, as a parent I'm fine with that, and then all the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you seen, like, where they, the girls will just post, uh, you see this shit all the time on, you know, certain websites, but the, uh, they'll have, like, just a back-to-back different, they'll shoot, like, one version of a TikTok cloth, and then they just redo it naked, in a second one, and then post, like, the, the naked one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I, yeah, I realized that's, they just do two different versions and I fucking closed out the app and never opened it. By the way, Stalk got really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is it that you want? I was like, I can't seem to get the audio connect. I can't hear people in Discord on this Oculus thing. Can you please help?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she'll be like, this was last night. She goes, dad, you're the horse. Say nay. And then grabs my back of my collar and pulls it. So it's like choking me from behind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's nothing under your breast. She's at that age and for some reason she, she saw that episode of Spongebob where uhm, Patrick's supposed to dress up like a gorilla. And then at the end there's like the actual like, yeah, well it's like a guy in a gorilla suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It freaked her out for like weeks. And now she's like, I'm scared the gorilla's gonna get me. And she has bad nightmares involving little monkeys and stuff. Oh, and the monkey from Toy Story that has the symbols. That thing freaked her out as well. She's scared of monkeys? She's scared of monkeys and gorillas, yeah. So, she ended up...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Finding some book in Olivia's room that she wanted me to read her and it's called like, Good Night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At least, every little kid that I know, they go through a weird phase where they don't eat meat anymore for like a year. What? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The, uh, the same kind of level of chattiness I've only had one time where I actually acted on it and I was pulling down, we had just gotten new neighbors at my, my last house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was pulling down the garbage at like 1am at the same time as this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he finally like came over and was like, Hey, we haven't been able to eat in like two days. Do you have any way of cooking stuff? And I said, I have a gas camping stove.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I got, uhm, approached by a porn person. You know, like OnlyFans type person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, they just wanted like green screens of me doing different things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, this is going to be edited into like a porno thing. And they were like, yeah, it totally is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this person looks like a chick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a dick, right? So I assume, trans porn star, that they went by she, you shouldn't assume that. In the green screen clips, I...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just put on a lot of makeup and shit, and have a dick. I was like, oh. Well sorry about that, I'm viable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I do is, the people that I know that are in the porn industry, I just go like, hey, you know, I'm not gonna be a dick and not follow you or block you, so I follow them and then I mute them. So you never see anything on your timeline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, uh, she's like a professional animator and like 3D person. I don't know. I think she just does mostly animations, but so she's been working on like something that is technically like a documentary and doing animation work for it. And so she got an IMDB.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And her IMDV, she shares a name with an Italian porn star.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like a super, super talented guy. And then yeah, I say, I would sit there and just, you know, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Makeup shit, whatever I think he would like. I'm good at seducing people with my charm, like my neighbor. Dude, me and him, we're friends. You know? So I find the CEO guy, get really close to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what's so fucked up when I moved out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For the first time, my mom called me crying because she was like, this is, she was sobbing because she had to take out the garbage and she realized she hadn't done it in two decades.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they would save the little pins on top, like the tab, you take that off and you put it in a milk jug, a gallon jug. And when you had the gallon jug full, you could go down to this place called the Beer Barn and they would give you, um, a keg, a full keg. They would fill up a keg for you if you had a keg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said it's a two-pronged marketing strategy. They have for the guy, they're trying to appeal to different demographics and the guy that sits down has a beer with a steak. They have aqua. And then for the other guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, just do whatever Aqua doesn't. And so, you're not gonna sit there and gaily sip on one beer for 12 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like is cartel weed illegal in states where weed is legal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a profession- either- either this was like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, basically. And uh, no, everything was brought to the curb, like 20 feet away from where he was, just off the property. But who knows if he ever got it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, probably not. Cause he had like, he had half a ramshackle tent, a bunch of garbage, and just like, literally just garbage. Like I don't know what he had it for. And then I just had to like drag it to the sidewalk. And I'm pretty sure it was never...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Removed, it sat there for like a week and then it got cleaned up by like the campus police or some shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, the biggest use of Fez's outside of Morocco is the Scottish Rite. Uhm, like the, what are those people called? The Shriners? The Freemasons? My grandfather was one of those and he has a big ass Fez.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have, you have two kids though. Yeah, but you, you know, I took that before the other one was born. So I don't, every picture of one doesn't have to have the other as well, you know, right? You're gonna definitely, definitely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, my kid would have been a CEO right out the womb. Yeah. And instead I got this fucking stupid deadbeat second kid. You're right, I do have a favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I prefer having daughters to be honest, man. I think it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His kids look like his ex-wife. Like, just, a hundred percent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's supposed to mean that every person can be tweaked to be a little bit better, and this guy just looks like a better you, alright? That's what I'm saying. That's nuts, you put two filters on it? Yeah, and watch the, the, the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was based mostly on like string after string of circumstantial, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, when people speak so matter of factly, it, it hits, like we know somebody that when they're angry, they talk in a very monotone, direct way and they can just level you with a series of words. And you know that- I've never met anyone like that in my life. You know anybody like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy, he talks very clear, concise, slows his words down a little bit, so everyone is like a gut punch coming out of his mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he's like happy, he's not that much different when he's chilled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a similar strain to this, I saw this insane video on YouTube of this guy recreating, or no, he went to the location where the Wyatt Earps had their gunfight out in the middle of an oasis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, if he could just, like, twist his intellect towards something not so fucking nerdy and lame, he could, uh, he could do some things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're into, or even if you're genuinely into the whole Kennedy assassination thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like there's industry that revolves around that. And there's so many people that travel just to do the tour of where Kennedy got shot. Like that's a big conspiracy theory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Wyatt Earp has dwindled down like, not that many people are interested. If they are interested, they go watch that Kurt Russell movie, Tombstone, just so they can see the, you know, I'm your Uncle Barry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, there's like a bunch of other shit, but like nobody wants cutting edge analysis of like soil samples out in the middle of nowhere. Like this guy's doing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I know that there's, there's statues that are at the Pentagon and like the atrium and they have, uh, they have like basically like code written on them and people have been trying to solve them for years and they can't figure it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there has to be a waterfall there, and behind the waterfall is a cave. At the end of the cave is a chest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and once you have this thing in your hands, you can use it as like a body shield. No one wants to shoot the fucking incel diary from the 1500s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They had Elmo, but Blue is the Cookie Monster. Yeah, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's this old, uhm, you know, like, progressive band called Cult of Luna, and they...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a recording studio that was uh, that was like leased out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if they said we had to do a good job, I would split up, I would take 33% of the season and I would farm it out to like decently good people and still keep like 25 million. Like there's no way I could blow through 100 million making


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just a 20 minute show. It's like, they're like, we have to travel from here to here. And then Bezos comes in and goes like, or I could deliver that for you in two days. And then they get it, a drone picks it up and flies it across. There's a time lapse of them flying over everything and drops it down in the mountain. That's a winner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever seen the Venture Bros, that iconic scene where he's like running over all the people, he's turning on his windshield wipers to clean the blood off his windshield?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know how his legs got under the steering wheel. It doesn't make sense, but it's still cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how at the end of that sequence, he ends up...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that one, but the one where he's driving through the crowd of people with the car and everything. At the end of that sequence, he ends up choking someone with his hand and they shoot him with tranquilizer darts like 50 times and he passes out, but his hand won't let go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had that, uh, there's that book Dreamcatcher by Stephen King. My dad had it on the toilet when I was in elementary school. I was like reading some of it. There's a scene where like one of those slug things goes up someone's asshole while they're on the toilet and like eats out their stomach from the inside. And it just terrified me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I kinda hate about being in such a time where we have so much technology.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Yeah, but uh, it sucks now that you can like check facts and stuff. I can't, you know, just seem as smart in situations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like that movie with the, the Elephant Man or whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Left butt cheek gets real tight. But you does have the dick imprint on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bunny hops and whatnot. Yeah, bunny hops. Oh, shit. They seem to like razor scooters that are, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It has the front wheel and then instead of it just going back once it goes, it splits and has two back wheels and one front so you can like fucking Tokyo drift on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was a classic. Yeah. I got bopped with a metal spoon, but it was never as like punishment. It would just be my dad like, bop, like haha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The other day I drank another beer on stream and I was the whole time like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also fine, I mean, that's, yeaah, that's not that late, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put up this picture while I talk about it. Alright, let's go. It's a second channel. What do you expect? Like, that's my page, if you like, you know, YouTube shit. It's just my streams, but edited. Yeah, by a very talented editor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What does your chat normally look like? What do they say? What did people chat?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Correct me if I'm wrong, Devin, but you've always kind of embodied that play style of a little bit of trickery, a little bit of trolling, you know, ever since the beginning of your gaming. Why don't you talk through that a little? Oh, the starting of gaming?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] MW2 is where that all, I mean, that's where the poob name comes from too. It's a lot of history in that game. Truly, it's the most fun. Like go home, play that, or hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone's heard this story apparently, but you guys can all act like it's the first time. Alright. So, I was on, you know, I was just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Perusing. Hinge. You know, looking for tail. As you do. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is like, vague enough, but it's also like, it probably does make you be like, what does that mean? You know, what specifically, who is this guy, like a TikToker or something? I sell urine samples to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to get- Pussy just dried up and turned to dust. I'm trying to be more proud of my job, you know? I, you know, I love what we're doing here. So I'm like, you know what? I'm, yeah, sure, I'm a podcaster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, hook up with some guy that's like, uh, I dunno.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But uhm, she was like, yeaah, I need to like, know the name of this podcast, so I can know if like, we should hang out or if I should run very far away from you, and I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I, it's like, what is she talking about? And then I go to our last podcast clip and it's a bunch of people in the comments like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. Huge beavers too. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I'd probably go to the Shire and just, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they used them for like, manual labor, like, uh, I don't know what kind of labor, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, cranberry fields mashing up the cranberries with their big feet and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, they would figure it out eventually, you know, it's give them enough time. A hobbit could be good. Speaking of rats, pest control too, just little. That's like a full meal for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that it's just more like, uh, what's that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fake information I'm spreading, but, uh, what's your, you like hobbits? Yeah, I love hobbits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very lopsided man. Walk with like kind of a little like, drag your foot. Did that display what I meant?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, are they gay? Describe them. Is this like the country girl and the country guy and the guy like builds a lot of woodworking shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Push that one. There are, there's like girls that would think this shit's cool too, like it's not just, you know, like, the right girl. But yea, there are certain people that will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The mo- the heads look like the real fucking person, dude. I don't know why I want- you know why I want these. You're getting sued by the actors, they're so real. When I was a kid, you know, growing up, we didn't have a lot, okay? But I did have a lot of little-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, that sounded wrong. My mom didn't kick me out of the house, but I, uh, she basically is renovating my bedroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin destroyed all my toys. But I just have like, ooooghs of little like, Star Wars toys. Yeaah, pretty badass. How many Hot Toys did that worth though? Nothing, well they were like, back in the day they used to be like $6 for a toy at Target and every time I go to Target with my grandma I'd be like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play with these little action figures all the time, and now I've seen these, this is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like so cool compared to that shit. Even though it's like what you could get.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of these for the price of probably like 300 fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, uh, I had a dramatic, um, dude, I'm just, I'm pre-ordering this Green Goblin. It's not gonna ship till April 2023.