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[Assistant] After that, Zhu Ge Liang dispatched one detachment of troops after another, all in the guise of sending them to till the farmlands. He told them,


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[Assistant] If other enemy forces come to attack, just pretend to lose. But, if Si Ma Yi comes in person, then attack the south bank of the Wei River and cut off his return path.


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[Assistant] All this done, Zhu Ge Liang led an army to set up camp near Shangfang Gorge.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, Sima Yi's advisors Xia Hou Hui and Xia Hou He went to see him and said,


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[Assistant] The enemy's forces are setting up camp everywhere and starting to till the soil. They are planning for a long stay. We must eliminate them now. If they set down roots, it will be hard to dislodge them.


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[Assistant] But Sima Yi said, this is just another one of Zhu Ge Liang's tricks. But the two Xia Hou brothers were nonplussed.


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[Assistant] Commander, if you are so paranoid, when will we ever wipe out the rebels? They said. We too are willing to go fight it out and repay the kindness that we have received from the state.


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[Assistant] Seeing that they were dead set on doing something, Sima Yi relented and gave them each 5,000 men, while he himself remained in camp to await word of their success.


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[Assistant] So, Xia Hou Hui and Xia Hou He set out, and along the way, they spotted an enemy convoy with wooden oxens and gliding horses. They promptly attacked, and the Shu soldiers fled, leaving their precious cargo behind.


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[Assistant] This time, the waste soldiers knew that there was a secret handbrake in these things, so they managed to get these wooden oxens and gliding horses back to camp.


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[Assistant] The next day, the wave forces set out again.


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[Assistant] And this time, they captured about a hundred enemy soldiers and brought them back to camp. Sima Yi questioned them, and they told him,


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[Assistant] Zhu Ge Liang figured that you won't come out to fight, so he sent us out to till the soil as part of his plan for a long term stay.


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[Assistant] When Xia Hou He asked him why he didn't just do what's usually done in these situations and lop all their heads off, Sima Yi said,


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[Assistant] There is nothing to be gained from executing these pawns. So instead, I'll just release them back to their camp so that they can spread word of the generosity and benevolence of the Wei Generals and sap their own men's desire for battle.


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[Assistant] This is how the Dongwu General Lu Meng conquered Jing Province.


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[Assistant] In fact, Sima Yi now sent out standing orders that from now on, whenever his forces captured Shu soldiers, they were to treat the prisoners well, and that whoever did so would be rewarded.


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[Assistant] In the meantime, the Wei forces kept up their raids on the Shu convoys along the mountain roads.


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[Assistant] Within half a month, they had won one engagement after another, much to Sima Yi's delight.


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[Assistant] One day, the raiding party returned with another few dozen prisoners, and Sima Yi asked them where Zhuge Liang was at present.


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[Assistant] The Prime Minister is knocked at Qi Mountain, they told him.


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[Assistant] He has set up camp about three miles west of Xiangfang Gorge. He is storing daily shipments of grain in the gorge.


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[Assistant] After more questions, Sima Yi released the prisoners and summoned his officers.


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[Assistant] Zhu Ge Liang is at Shangfang Gorge, knocked Qi Mountain, he told him. Tomorrow, you will lead your forces and attack the enemy's base camp at Qi Mountain, and I will bring backup.


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[Assistant] Qi Mountain is their base, Sima Yi explained. If they see us attacking their camp there, then all their forces will come to help.


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[Assistant] I will take that opportunity to go burn their grain at Shangfang Gorge. They will be under attack on two ends and will be crushed.


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[Assistant] So, Sima Yi mobilized his forces and headed out. He ordered the generals Zhang Hu and Yue Chen to each lead 5,000 men to follow as reinforcements. He then brought the rest of his forces, along with his two sons, and made for Xiangfang Gorge.


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[Assistant] All this time, the Shu General Wei Yan had been camped out by the mouth of the gorge, pining for Sima Yi to show himself.


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[Assistant] He shouted as he rode forward to give battle, and Sima Yi wielded his spear and came to take on Wei Yan.


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[Assistant] Now, this was a surprise to me, because I had never seen any previous mention of Sima Yi as a warrior.


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[Assistant] But I guess you have to at least know which end of the sword to hold if you want to command armies in this era.


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[Assistant] After about 3 bouts, Wei Yan turned and fled, and Sima Yi gave chase. Wei Yan headed straight for the 7-star banner. Seeing that Wei Yan did not have many troops with him, Sima Yi gave chase with no reservation.


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[Assistant] When Si Ma Yi arrived at the entrance to the gorge, he was smart enough to first send some men inside to scout out the situation. They reported back that there was no sign of ambush and that the hillsides were dotted with straw sheds.


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[Assistant] This must be where they're storing their grain, Sima Yi said. So he ordered his entire army into the gorge.


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[Assistant] But, upon closer inspection, Si Ma Yi discovered that the straw sheds were filled with not grain, but firewood. Also, there was no sign of Wei Yan or his troops. Something was not quite adding up here.


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[Assistant] What will we do if the enemy seals the entrance to the gorge? Sima Yi said to his two sons.


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[Assistant] Before you could say, I've got a bad feeling about this, loud cries rang out across the gorge and countless torches came flying down from the hillside, setting the entrance to the gorge on fire, effectively sealing it and trapping the Wei army inside.


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[Assistant] Now, flaming arrows rang down from above, setting off the landmines underfoot. All the straw sheds and their firewood were soon in flames. The entire valley was engulfed in a roaring fire, with flames that shot toward the heavens.


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[Assistant] Trap like rats, and with no way out, Si Ma Yi could do nothing. He got off his horse, pulled his sons into his arms and cried, We are going to die here!


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[Assistant] While all this was happening, Zhuge Liang was watching from a hilltop near Xiangfang Gorge. He saw Sima Yi follow the bait into the gorge, and as the valley burned, his heart rejoiced. After six campaigns,


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[Assistant] Finally cornered his old foe, the one man in the empire who had been able to stymie him


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[Assistant] To see how much trouble the Kingdom of Wei will be in once their savior is done being burned to a crisp.


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[Assistant] Tune in to the next episode of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Okay, so I have a few questions about the mannequin.


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[Assistant] It looks here like it has a very nice, uh, feminine physique. Would you say that?


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[Assistant] I'm gonna need to know that information because this is not going to be a public mannequin anymore. This is going to be in my house.


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[Assistant] And I'm gonna attach things to it. And, uh, you do the math.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is a supplemental episode.


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[Assistant] So, from time to time, listeners will write in and ask if I can do a supplemental episode on this or that side character.


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[Assistant] Alas, the answer in most cases is that I just don't have enough historical material about those characters, or that their historical lives do not differ enough from their characters in the novel for me to do a whole supplemental episode on any one of them.


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[Assistant] But, now that the show is winding down, I would like to use this episode to do a rapid fire look at a number of side characters. But instead of doing their live stories, I'm just going to give one interesting tidbit about each of these characters.


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[Assistant] So let's start with the characters in the Kingdom of Wei, and I'm going to expand this to include people who served under Cao Cao, which was technically before the founding of the Wei, and people who served in the successor kingdom of Jin, which seized power from the Wei in the final pages of the novel.


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[Assistant] Alright, here we go. First up is Xia Houdun, Cao Cao's kinsman and veteran general who lost an eye in the battle and proceeded to swallow that eyeball.


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[Assistant] Not surprisingly, he was very sensitive about having just one eye. He got saddled with the nickname Blind Xia Hou, and it's said that whenever he looked in the mirror, he would become so displeased with his cyclopic countenance that he would push the mirror over. So, keep your mirrors away from Xia Hou Dun.


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[Assistant] Next, we have Xia Hou Yuan, who was also Cao Cao's kinsman and a trusted general.


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[Assistant] Now, remember that he got chopped in two by the Shu General Huang Zhong in a showdown at Dingjun Mountain in the region of Han Zhong.


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[Assistant] In the novel, Huang Zhong had laid a clever trap, luring Xia Hou Yuan into complacency before charging down the mountain to catch him off guard for the easy kill.


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[Assistant] In real life, however, Xiaoyuan's death went a bit differently.


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[Assistant] He and his comrade Zhang He were attacking Shu camps at Dingjun Mountain. He and Zhang He were each defending one end of their camps. Liu Bei devised a scheme where he had his men burn the barricade of brambles that defended Xiaoyuan's camp and then attacked Zhang He's side of the camps, putting him in some danger.


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[Assistant] So Xia Huyuan responded by sending part of his troops to go help Zhang He. Meanwhile, Xia Huyuan personally led the cleanup effort over at his own camp. But, while he was busy helping to rebuild the barricades, the Xu General Huang Zhong attacked, caught Xia Huyuan isolated and flat-footed, and killed him.


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[Assistant] Also, there's an interesting postscript here. After he was killed, Xia Houyuan got a proper burial, not from Cao Cao, but from Liu Bei. Remember that in the supplemental episode about Zhang Fei, we mentioned how Zhang Fei abducted Xia Houyuan's niece for his wife.


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[Assistant] That niece now went to beg Liu Bei to give her uncle some dignity in death, and Liu Bei concurred.


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[Assistant] Moving on, we come to the general Xu Huang, the guy who wielded a big battle axe. In real life, much like in the novel, he was one of Cao Cao's best generals and was responsible for many victories. However, he was also apparently a very humble man who rarely asked for rewards after a victory. He would often say,


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[Assistant] The ancients were always worried about not meeting a worthy liege.


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[Assistant] I am fortunate to have found mine, so I should render service and repay him. I am not doing this for personal glory.


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[Assistant] Next, we have Xu Chu, aka Mad Tiger. In the novel, he was a ferocious warrior and a trusted bodyguard for Cao Cao. And in real life, he saved Cao Cao more than once. One story that the novel did not cover happened when Cao Cao was facing off against Yuan Shao at the Battle of Guandu.


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[Assistant] Some of Cao Cao's men conspired to assassinate him, but could never find the opportunity with Xu Chu around.


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[Assistant] Eventually, they found a brief opening when Xu Chu stepped away to take a rest. The conspirators sneaked into Cao Cao's tent with knives, ready to stab him. But, lo and behold, there was Xu Chu standing right next to Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] Turns out Xu Chu felt restless and uneasy at home, so he returned immediately to Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] And when he saw these men enter the tent and panic at the sight of him, he knew something was up.


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[Assistant] Before long, all the conspirators lay dead, and from that moment on, Cao Cao trusted Xu Chu even more, and always brought Mad Tiger along wherever he went.


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[Assistant] Next up, the General Zhang He. In the novel, he was known for his valor, but not necessarily his smarts. In real life though, he actually showed that he was quite savvy.


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[Assistant] In fact, he seems to have been the one who was primarily responsible for defeating Zhuge Liang's forces at Jie Ting to halt one of Zhuge Liang's more successful incursions into the North.


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[Assistant] But, Zhang He knew that Zhuge Liang was venturing deep into enemy territory without sufficient supplies, so he told the Emperor that he thought Zhuge Liang would actually have retreated by the time he got there.


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[Assistant] And as soon as he arrived on the scene, Zhu Ge Liang was indeed forced to retreat.


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[Assistant] But poor Zhang He just couldn't catch a break in the novel. In fact, the cause of his own demise was flipped. In the novel, when Zhu Ge Liang was on the retreat, Zhang He insisted on giving chase despite Si Ma Yi's caution and ended up running into a trap and getting himself killed by arrows.


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[Assistant] In real life though, it was Si Ma Yi, who insisted on chasing Zhu Ge Liang, and Zhang He, who was preaching caution. But, Si Ma Yi outranked Zhang He, so Zhang He had no choice but to play the good soldier and give chase as he was ordered. And sure enough, he ran into an ambush and got killed by arrows.


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[Assistant] Moving along, we come to the General Yue Jin, and one fun fact about him is that he was apparently small but fierce. He had a short stature, but was always courageous on the battlefield. And that was it.


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[Assistant] Next up, Li Dian, another veteran officer who accompanied Cao Cao on many of his campaigns.


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[Assistant] Interestingly enough, when he was young, Li Dian was actually into books, not war, but something obviously changed along the way.


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[Assistant] He cut his teeth on helping to put down the Yellow Turban Rebellion and later served Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] Because of his book learning, Li Dian was apparently very big on propriety and never bickered with other officers about who would get the credit. He also showed great respect for scholars and civil officials. Sadly, the good Dai Yang, Li Dian passed away when he was just 36.


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[Assistant] Next, let's talk about Yu Jin, the guy who was one of Cao Cao's old Reliables for many years, but then surrendered to Guan Yu after being defeated in battle.


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[Assistant] He later returned to Wei after Guan Yu was captured and executed by Sun Quan.


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[Assistant] But the Wei Emperor Cao Pi despised him for surrendering, so Cao Pi humiliated Yu Jin with a painting of his cowardly act, and Yu Jin got so mad that he died.


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[Assistant] The one anecdote I have on Yu Jin comes well before his downfall. In the year 2006, one of Cao Cao's officers rebelled while Cao Cao was off campaigning against pirates.


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[Assistant] Yu Jin helped lead the army that put down this rebellion.


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[Assistant] The rebellious officer was an old friend of Yu Jin's, so he surrendered to Yu Jin, hoping for leniency.


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[Assistant] All the other officers figured that since this guy has surrendered, he should be handed over to Cao Cao to decide his fate. But Yu Jing said


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[Assistant] So Yu Jin, Yue Jin, Zhang He, and Xu Huang were four members of a fivesome who were singled out for distinction among the officers of Wei.


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[Assistant] The lead member of that fivesome is Zhang Liao.


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[Assistant] Now, if you remember, when Guan Yu was briefly serving Cao Cao, Zhang Liao was his best friend.


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[Assistant] Cao Cao was always worried that Guan Yu would leave him if he found out where Liu Bei was, so he sent Zhang Liao to test out Guan Yu. Guan Yu told Zhang Liao straight up that, yeah, as soon as I find out where my brother is, I'm out of here.


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[Assistant] So then Zhang Liao faced the dilemma. If he told Cao Cao what Guan Yu said, then there's a chance that Cao Cao would have Guan Yu killed.


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[Assistant] But if he did not, then he would be betraying his liege. After some deliberation, Zhang Liao said


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[Assistant] And this has been held up by posterity as something praiseworthy because it showed that Zhang Liao understood the proper place for a vassal.


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[Assistant] Now let's talk about a few of Cao Cao's kinsmen, starting with the General Cao Hong. While he was certainly an accomplished warrior, Cao Hong also apparently had a reputation as a real tightwad. In fact, that led to some trouble for him later in life.


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[Assistant] Once upon a time, Cao Cao's son, Cao Pi, asked Cao Hong to lend him some money, but Cao Hong refused.


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[Assistant] Well, Cao Pi never forgot that slight. Decades later, when Cao Pi became the emperor of Wei, he found some flimsy excuse to get back at Cao Hong. Accusing one of Cao Hong's retainers of breaking the law, he had Cao Hong jailed to await execution.


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[Assistant] Many court officials pleaded for Cao Hong's life, but to no avail. It wasn't until Cao Pi's own mother intervened on Cao Hong's behalf that Cao Pi relented.


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[Assistant] He released Cao Hong, but stripped him of his rank and slapped him down to a lowly commoner.


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[Assistant] Another member of the Cao Clan who was a long-time warhorse for Cao Cao.


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[Assistant] And unfortunately, I could not find anything interesting about him. Seriously, he fought a bunch of battles, was a trusted and reliable commander, and that was about it in the historical records.


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[Assistant] Moving on, let's talk about Cao Zhen, who commanded the Wei army after that first generation of Cao Cao's commanders had grown old or died. In the novel, Cao Zhen was made to serve as the victim of many of Zhuge Liang's schemes and had to get bailed out by Sima Yi.


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[Assistant] But in reality, he actually was pretty effective in fending off Zhu Ge Liang's various incursions into the north.


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[Assistant] He's also reputed to be very strong and fierce. One time, he was out hunting, and a tiger chased his horse from behind. So Cao Jin turned around and shot the tiger with an arrow, and he shot it so hard that the tiger collapsed at the twang of his bow. And this impressed Cao Cao greatly.


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[Assistant] A not so flattering tale about Cao Jin, however, said that he was also rather chubby. One time, at a feast, one of the Emperor Cao Pi's officials decided to provide some entertainment by having actors portray the chubby Cao Jin and another officer who was very skinny.


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[Assistant] Cao Jun did not take kindly to this, and he and the official who planned the show almost came to blows with swords.


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[Assistant] Now that we have covered Cao Cao's generals, let's talk about a few of his advisors. First up is Xun Yu.


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[Assistant] Aside from being very smart and capable, Xun Yu was apparently quite a looker too.


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[Assistant] Xun Yu's nephew Xun You was also one of Cao Cao's top advisors, and the novel did not mention this, but Xun You was part of a conspiracy to assassinate Dong Zhuo.


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[Assistant] But the conspiracy was leaked, and all of his accomplices committed suicide while Xun You was thrown into prison.


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[Assistant] But while he was in prison, Xun You acted as though nothing had happened. When Dong Zhuo saw this, he decided that maybe Xun You did not have anything to do with the plot and spared his life, and Xun You later got out of prison after Dong Zhuo was killed.


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[Assistant] Another of Cao Cao's advisors was Cheng Yu. Now, Cheng Yu was apparently a rather vain and cranky old man.


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[Assistant] He was given an important position late in his life, but he let it go to his head and acted with such airs that his main political rival criticized him to Cao Cao, and that prompted Cao Cao to strip Cheng Yu of his rank.


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[Assistant] Eventually, when Cao Pi came to the throne, he reinstated Cheng Yu to office.


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[Assistant] And then we have Guo Jia, arguably Cao Cao's favorite advisor before he died at a young age.


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[Assistant] He was extremely talented, but was not one for following rules of propriety. That actually prompted one of Cao Cao's officials to criticize him to Cao Cao. But Cao Cao loved Guo Jia's talent so much that he just shrugged it off.


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[Assistant] The last of Cao Cao's advisors that we will mention is Jia Xu. He was a bit of a latecomer to Cao Cao's staff, but ended up being an important advisor late in Cao Cao's life. In fact, when Cao Cao's sons were competing for the title of heir apparent,


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[Assistant] Jia Xu gave Cao Pi some good advice that helped him win out.


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[Assistant] But while that rivalry was going on, Jia Xu was careful to keep a low profile because he knew that he did not have the seniority that some other officials in Cao Cao's service did.


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[Assistant] He didn't want others to get jealous or become suspicious of him, so he didn't really fraternize with his colleagues outside of work. And he made sure that none of his children married people from influential families.


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[Assistant] Alright, let's shift gears and talk about some members of the Si Ma Clan. Let's start with Si Ma Shi and Si Ma Jiao, the sons of Si Ma Yi. Now, Si Ma Shi had a very calm demeanor, while Si Ma Jiao was maybe not so much.


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[Assistant] A story that illustrates this difference was when Sima Yi told his sons about his plan to stage a coup while his rival Cao Shuang was out of the capital. After learning of the plans, Sima Zhao tossed and turned all night, but Sima Shi slept soundly.


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[Assistant] Oh, and while we were talking about Si Ma Jiao, when his men killed the Emperor Cao Mao, it actually was not in the palace.


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[Assistant] So the novel made it sound like Sima Jiao sent his men into the palace to put down the upstart emperor. In reality though, Cao Mao was already attacking Sima Jiao's residence, and Sima Jiao's men were afraid to fight back until the official Jia Chong told them, hey, this is what Sima Jiao pays you guys for.


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[Assistant] So they fought back and Cao Mao got killed. So yea, it may be a small thing since Cao Mao still got killed either way, but at least in real life, Sima Jiao could claim that he was doing it in self-defense.


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[Assistant] And as for Sima Jiao's son Sima Yan, who went on to usurp the throne from Wei and founded the Kingdom of Jin.


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[Assistant] Well, he had a reputation for being fixated on women and feasting.


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[Assistant] When he conquered the kingdom of Wu, he absorbed the 5,000-some women from Sun Hao's palace into his own. One story about his appetite for women said that he had so many beauties in his palace, he did not know which one to spend the night with each day.


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[Assistant] So, Si Ma Yan would ride around on a small cart, pulled by goats, and wherever the goats stopped, that's where he would stop too for the night.


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[Assistant] So, to increase their chances of receiving his favor, the palace women would put bamboo leaves and salt outside their quarters in order to get the goats to stop there.


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[Assistant] Okay, that's enough about the characters from the Kingdom of Wei slash Jin. Let's go look at the other two kingdoms, starting with Shu.


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[Assistant] Let's start with Zhao Yun. A listener asked me if my favorite character had changed now that I have gone through the entire novel, and the answer is nope, Zhao Yun is still my favorite.


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[Assistant] The tidbit I want to share about him is that there's apparently some dispute about how prominent a rank he held in Liu Bei's army.


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[Assistant] In the novel, he was basically number three behind Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, and in practice, was about as valued as they were.


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[Assistant] According to historical records, however, his rank was the general of the assisting army, a position that some believe


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[Assistant] To be lower than those of Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Ma Chao and Huang Zhong.


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[Assistant] But if you look at the responsibilities that Zhao Yun held, it appears that his actual authority might have been greater than his title would indicate. Either way, he's still awesome. Next, let's talk about Jiang Wei.


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[Assistant] So remember that Jiang Wei surrendered to Zhu Ge Liang on one of the latter's northern expeditions. Well, when Zhu Ge Liang was forced to retreat on that incursion, Jiang Wei went with him. In the novel, when this happened, Zhu Ge Liang sent people to move Jiang Wei's mother to the riverlands as well.


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[Assistant] But in real life, apparently that did not happen, and Jiang Wei and his mother were separated.


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[Assistant] Later, his mother wrote to him, imploring him to give up his military career and just return home to be a farmer. But Jiang Wei wrote back and said,


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[Assistant] The fate of one stalk of grain matters not in a vast fertile field, and when one's heart harbors great ambitions, he does not think of going home.


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[Assistant] So basically, he was telling mom that he was choosing loyalty to the state over filial piety.


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[Assistant] Next, we shift gears from Zhuge Liang's favorite officer to Zhuge Liang's favorite punching bag among his own ranks, the General Wei Yan.


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[Assistant] Something that gets completely left out of the novel is that Wei Yan actually spent more than a decade overseeing the defense of the key region of Han Zhong, when Liu Bei declared himself the king of Han Zhong and was moving to his capital of Chengdu.


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[Assistant] He needed somebody to oversee the defense of that most important region.


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[Assistant] Now everyone thought that Zhang Fei was going to get that job, including Zhang Fei himself.


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[Assistant] But Liu Bei unexpectedly tapped Wei Yan for the task. When he gave Wei Yan that appointment, Liu Bei asked him, in front of all the other officers, how he would handle the job, and Wei Yan told him.


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[Assistant] If Cao Cao leads all the troops of the realm to attack Han Zhong, then I will request that you allow me to repel them for you.


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[Assistant] If he sends an officer to lead a hundred thousand men to attack Han Zhong, then I request that you allow me to gobble them up for you.


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[Assistant] Liu Bei was impressed by that answer, as were the other officers. Now this is interesting because it shows that, unlike in the novel, Liu Bei actually had great trust in Wei Yan.


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[Assistant] Now let's talk about another Xu general, Wang Ping. He came from a humble background and had little education, so he was basically illiterate. Whenever he needed to write reports, a clerk would be tasked to do it for him.


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[Assistant] And Wang Ping was worried about being made fun of for his illiteracy, so he would often say that his job was to fight, not to write.


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[Assistant] Yet, despite his almost non-existent reading skills and totally non-existent writing skills, he loved listening to stories and was apparently quite good at narrating them.


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[Assistant] So, he would have been a good podcaster, if only, you know, he could read a script.


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[Assistant] Next up, Liao Hua, who once served under Guan Yu until Guan Yu was captured and killed by Sun Quan. Liao Hua himself was a prisoner of war due to that defeat, but somehow, he faked his own death and tricked his captors and managed to escape.


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[Assistant] He then went and picked up his mother and fled back to Liu Bei's camp.


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[Assistant] Now, let's talk quickly about Ma Chao, one of Liu Bei's five Tiger Generals. So, when Ma Chao first surrendered to Liu Bei, Liu Bei treated him quite well, and Ma Chao forgot his place and would often address Liu Bei by his courtesy name.


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[Assistant] A vassal was never supposed to address his lord by his courtesy name, but Ma Chao was kind of oblivious to his offense, and this really irked Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.


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[Assistant] And, surprisingly, Zhang Fei restrained him. Instead, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei settled for another, less drastic solution.


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[Assistant] One day, when Ma Chao arrived for a banquet with Liu Bei and company, he noticed that Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were not seated next to him.


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[Assistant] Instead, they were both standing next to Liu Bei with sword in hand.


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[Assistant] So yeaah, let's see you address our lord by his courtesy name now.


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[Assistant] And this put Ma Chao on notice, and he never again referred to Liu Bei by his courtesy name.


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[Assistant] Moving on to another of the five Tiger Generals, here's an interesting tidbit about the old valiant General Huang Zhong.


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[Assistant] His final resting place was apparently discovered in 1825. Some farmers discovered a tombstone outside of the city of Chengdu that bore his courtesy name. It contained a few bones, a sword, and a piece of jade.


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[Assistant] Now, the tombstone itself was likely knocked from the Three Kingdoms era, and people guessed that it was probably built in the Tang Dynasty.


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[Assistant] On the original location of Huang Zhong's burial to commemorate him. Upon this discovery,


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[Assistant] A local landlord donated some money to repair the gravesite and to build a memorial next to it. But alas, in 1965, due to the construction of a road, the gravesite was dug up and the tree that had been planted on the site was cut down.


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[Assistant] And during the Cultural Revolution, the memorial to Huang Zhong was destroyed, including a statue of him.


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[Assistant] The only thing left of the site was an empty coffin.


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[Assistant] Now the site has since been renovated, but it's nowhere near its former glory.


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[Assistant] Okay, that does it for Shu officers. Let's go talk about some of the characters from the Kingdom of Wu, starting with Lu Su, who in the novel was often depicted as a bit slow with it, and always trying to play catch-up with the likes of Zhu Ge Liang and Zhou Yu.


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[Assistant] But in reality, he actually was a talent himself.


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[Assistant] When he was young though, that was not apparent to everyone.


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[Assistant] Lu Si was born into a well-to-do family, but his father died soon after his death, so he was raised by his grandmother.


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[Assistant] Lu Su loved learning martial skills and gathering groups of young men, providing them with food and clothing, and taking them out to the hills. There, they were technically hunting, but Lu Su was also teaching them about military arts.


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[Assistant] Now to the people of his hometown, it looked like Lusu was just squandering his family's wealth. And they all said that this reckless youth was the reason for the decline of his clan.


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[Assistant] But Lu Si did not care. In fact, he just neglected the affairs of his home, sold his land and used the money to help the poor and to make friends with other men of ambition. Next, we come to Lu Meng.


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[Assistant] The guy who followed Luxu as commander of the Wu armies.


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[Assistant] When he was 16, he would often sneak into his brother-in-law's militia when they went out to put down bandits and rebels. When his brother-in-law discovered this, he tried to lecture Lu Meng time and again, but time and again, Lu Meng would sneak out into combat with his troops.


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[Assistant] Eventually, the brother-in-law informed Li Meng's mother, and she was so enraged that she wanted to punish her son.


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[Assistant] But, Li Meng told her that he was risking his life because he wanted to make something of himself.


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[Assistant] And that moved her to the point where she did not punish him.


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[Assistant] And since we're going through the commanders of the Southlands, we might as well talk a little bit about Lu Xun, who succeeded Li Meng.


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[Assistant] In the year 229, Sun Quan declared himself emperor and appointed Lu Xun to senior general in chief.


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[Assistant] Around that time, Sun Quan's second son was quite fond of duck fighting, and he built a small shed in front of the main hall of his home to fight ducks.


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[Assistant] But Lu Xun was no fan of duck fighting, and he reprimanded this prince, telling him that he should be spending his time reading the classics and filling his head with knowledge rather than duck fighting tactics. Ashamed, the prince tore down the shed.


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[Assistant] Next, let's talk about one of the old timers, one of the guys who were with the Sun family from the beginning of their rise, the General Cheng Pu.


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[Assistant] Now, he was the eldest of the military officers in Sun Quan's service, and his colleagues would often refer to him as Elder Cheng. Cheng Pu was also said to have enjoyed mingling with scholars, which was not exactly something one would expect of a military man.


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[Assistant] But lest you think he went soft in his old age, according to the Book of Wu, three months before his death, Cheng Pu killed hundreds of traitors and had their bodies thrown into a fire. So yea, he went out strong. Now, let's talk about Gan Ning, one of the Southland's top warriors. As you might expect from a ferocious warrior, Gan Ning had an ill temper.


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[Assistant] According to the records of the three kingdoms, one of his kitchen servants once did something to offend him, and the servant was afraid of being punished, so he fled and sought refuge with Gan Ning's comrade, Lü Meng.


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[Assistant] Now, Li Meng was afraid that Gan Ning would try to kill the guy, so he took the man in.


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[Assistant] Well, Gan Ning went to pay a visit to Lu Meng's mother, lavished her with gifts, and made a promise that he would not kill the attendant. So Lu Meng returned the attendant to Gan Ning,


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[Assistant] But won't you know it, as soon as Ganing got his hands on the guy, he tied him to a tree and put an arrow through him. Li Meng was naturally outraged and declared that he would kill Ganing for this. So Ganing just hid out on his boat and refused to come out.


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[Assistant] Eventually, Li Meng's mother had to intervene and try to make peace between them.


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[Assistant] Only then did Li Meng relent, and Gan Ning apologized. But hey, it still sucks to be that kitchen attendant.


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[Assistant] And you know what? I think that's a pretty good story to go out on. Obviously, there's no way we can cover every single character in this novel.


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[Assistant] I would be doing this show for another four years if we tried that.


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[Assistant] So instead, I'll wrap it up here. I hope you enjoyed this supplemental episode, and I will see you next time on the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Welcome to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms Podcast. This is episode 139.


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[Assistant] Before we get started, let me wish everybody happy holidays. This episode is being released on Christmas Day in the United States, and I would like to thank everyone for another wonderful year.


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[Assistant] The podcast has more listeners than ever, and I love reading all the comments that I have been getting. We are in the home stretch. There are maybe another 20 or so episodes left, so the show is going to wrap up sometime in the coming year.


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[Assistant] When I first started this project, I wasn't sure whether it would find an audience, but you guys have answered that question loudly and clearly.


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[Assistant] And your support has been instrumental in motivating me to keep going over the past three years. So thank you once again, and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season. Now, back to the show.


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[Assistant] Last time, we bade farewell to Sima Yi and Sun Quan. Sima Yi's sons were now in charge of all the affairs of the Kingdom of Wei, while Sun Quan's son Sun Liang had stepped into the throne of Wu.


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[Assistant] The Sima brothers decided that this would be a good time to conquer the Southlands, so they marched 300,000 men to the borders of Wu and focused their attention on taking the key district of Dongxing.


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[Assistant] On the other side, the imperial guardian of Wu, Zhuge Ke, assembled the officials to discuss a response. The general Ding Feng said,


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[Assistant] Dongxing is one of the Southland's most crucial locations. If it falls, then both the key cities of Nanjun and Wuchang will be threatened. My thoughts exactly, Zhuge Ke replied.


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[Assistant] General, you will lead 3,000 naval troops and advance along the river. I will follow with three cavalry and infantry forces of 10,000 men each to back you up. When you hear a string of explosives, advance your troops and I will follow with the main army.


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[Assistant] So once again, Dongwu was going up against Wei with a dramatic difference in numbers. In this case, 30,000 versus an invasion force of 300,000. But hey, they've been there before.


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[Assistant] So Ding Feng now set out with his 3,000 naval troops on 30 warships and made for the district of Dongxing.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, the Wei vanguard, led by the general Hu Zun, had built and crossed over a pontoon bridge. They were now on the shores of Dongxing, facing the big wall that Dongwu had built.


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[Assistant] The Wei forces laid siege to the two forts at the opposite ends of the wall. The forts were well fortified and could not be taken quickly. But, inversely, the Dongwu troops inside the forts also did not dare to go out and fight against the overwhelming numbers of the enemy.


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[Assistant] So, Hu Zun had his men sub camp to prepare for a long stay.


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[Assistant] It was the height of winter and a heavy snow was falling. Hu Zun and his officers passed the time by holding a feast. Suddenly, scouts reported that 30 enemy warships were approaching.


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[Assistant] Huzun went outside to take a look, and saw that the ships had pulled up near the shoreline. But each ship only carried about a hundred men. Huzun scoffed, returned to camp, and told his men, It's no more than three thousand troops, no cause for concern.


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[Assistant] So he just sends scouts out to keep an eye on the enemy, while he and his officers return to their feast.


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[Assistant] While the Wei forces were taking it easy, the Dongwu navy was gearing up for action. The general Dingfeng lined up his ships in a line across the water and said to his men, Today is the day that real men make a name for themselves and earn their riches.


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[Assistant] He then ordered the soldiers to take off their armor and strip to their waist, ditch their helmets, leave behind their long weapons, and equip themselves only with short blades. When the Wei soldiers saw this, they just laughed at this ridiculous sight and didn't think anything of it.


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[Assistant] But they stopped laughing soon enough. Suddenly, a string of explosives sounded, and Ding Feng pulled out his short blade, leaped onto the shore, and led his men in a mad dash into the Wei camp.


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[Assistant] The Wei soldiers were caught off guard and could not mount an organized defense. One of Hu Zun's lieutenants stepped out of his tent with Halberd in hand, but Ding Feng quickly seized him and killed him with one slash of the blade.


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[Assistant] Kuzun's other lieutenant now flashed out and stabbed at Dingfeng with a spear.


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[Assistant] But Dingfeng grabbed the spear with one hand. His foe dropped the weapon and fled. But Dingfeng threw his blade at the man, striking him in the left shoulder and sending him to the ground. Dingfeng then caught up to him and finished him off with his own spear.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, Ding Feng's 3,000 soldiers were doing equally berserker deeds inside the camp and the way Vanguard General Hu Zun was sent fleeing. His men sprinted onto their pontoon bridge, but the bridge collapsed and most of the soldiers on the bridge fell to a freezing, watery grave.


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[Assistant] Those left on the shoreline did not fare any better as most of them lay dead on the snow-covered ground.


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[Assistant] The Dongwu forces won the day and captured all of the enemy's horses, chariots, weapons, and equipment.


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[Assistant] When word of this debacle reached the rest of the Wei forces, they all decided to fall back and cancel the invasion.


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[Assistant] So, by the time the Dongwu Imperial Guardian Zhuge Ke arrived on the scene, all he had to do was reward his troops for a job well done.


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[Assistant] But, Zhu Ge Ke was not content to simply fend off an invasion. He wanted to start one. He told his officers, Si Ma Zhao has been defeated and he is falling back to the north. This is our chance to invade the heartlands.


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[Assistant] But he was not going to do this alone. He sent a message to the kingdom of Shu, requesting that the Shu commander Jiang Wei also mobilize his forces and invade the heartlands, on the promise that once they have conquered the north, they would split it evenly.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, Zhuge Ke mobilized 200,000 men and marched north.


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[Assistant] But just as they were getting ready to move out, they saw a trail of white vapor emanating from the ground. It split the army in half and it was so dense that men on the two sides could not see each other. One of Zhuge Ke's officers said,


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[Assistant] You should return to court instead of waging this campaign.


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[Assistant] Dingfeng now suggested that they first attack the city of Xincheng, which sat on the main road into Wei. Zhuge Ke agreed and marched that way.


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[Assistant] The city of Xincheng was defended by a general named Jiang Te.


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[Assistant] When he saw a huge Dongwu army on his doorstep, Zhang Te had the gates shut and fortified his defenses. Word of this also flew into the Wei capital. One of Sima Shi's officials said,


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke has surrounded Xin Cheng, but let's hold off on engaging the enemy.


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[Assistant] The Dongwu forces have traveled a long way. They have a vast army, but few provisions. Once their grain runs out, they will retreat.


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[Assistant] Then we can attack and victory will be guaranteed.


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[Assistant] But we must guard against an encroachment by the Kingdom of Shu.


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[Assistant] Sima Shi agreed and sent his brother Sima Zhao to help the general Guo Huai keep an eye on the western border with Xu, while dispatching the generals Wu Qiu and Hu Zun to deal with the Dongwu attack in the south.


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[Assistant] Outside the city of Xincheng, Zhuge Ke spent months laying siege, but with little success. He now told his men that they had to throw everything they got at the city, and that anyone who did not do so would lose their head. So his men gave it all they got.


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[Assistant] And the northeastern corner of the city was hit hard and looked like it was about to fall.


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[Assistant] Facing imminent disaster, Zhang Te, the city's commander, sent a messenger to see Zhuge Ke. The messenger told Zhuge Ke,


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[Assistant] According to the laws of Wei, when a city is under siege, if the city's commander holds out for a hundred days and no reinforcements arrive by then, he can surrender without his family being punished.


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[Assistant] Right now, you have surrounded our city for 90-some days. We ask that you give us a few more days, after which, my master will surrender with all of the city's soldiers and civilians. Here is the city's census rolls in advance.


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[Assistant] Well, Zhuge Ke apparently did not inherit the smart gene from his illustrious predecessors because he actually believed this and called off the siege for a few days.


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[Assistant] While the Dongwu army was sitting around twiddling their thumbs, the Wei forces inside the city were frantically tearing down houses and using that lumber to patch up the parts of the walls that had been damaged in the siege.


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[Assistant] A few days passed, and Zhang Te stepped to the top of his newly reinforced wall and uncorked a string of insults at the enemy outside his gates.


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[Assistant] We still have enough food to last us half a year. How can we be willing to surrender to you dogs of Dongwu? Go ahead, do your worst.


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[Assistant] Infuriated at having been duped by this obscenely obvious ruse, Zhuge Ke now directed his men to resume their siege.


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[Assistant] But, in the midst of battle, an arrow from the city wall struck Zhuge Ke in the forehead, sending him tumbling off his horse. His men rescued him, brought him back to camp, and patched up his wound. He was okay, but after his injury, his men lost all desire for battle.


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[Assistant] On top of that, the punishing summer heat was now spreading disease among his troops.


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[Assistant] When Zhuge Ke's wound improved a little bit, he wanted to resume the siege, but he was told that everybody was sick and there was no way they could fight on. Zhuge Ke was enraged and declared that anyone who mentioned illness again would be executed.


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[Assistant] Well, that went down like a lead balloon with his men, as countless soldiers deserted upon hearing that. And soon, word came that one of Zhuge Ke's commanders had defected to the enemy. Stunned, Zhuge Ke rode around his camp and saw that


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, my men really are sick. Oops.


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[Assistant] So, Zhuge Ke now decided to call off the campaign and go home. But, as soon as he started falling back, the Wei relief force made its move and swept in from behind, dealing him a major defeat.


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[Assistant] Upon returning to the Wu capital in disgrace, Zhu Geke was so embarrassed that he avoided going to court on account of illness, which prompted the Dongwu Emperor Sun Liang and the other court officials to go to his residence to check on him.


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[Assistant] Now, you would think that this would put Zhuge Ke more at ease, but nope.


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[Assistant] Instead, he was super paranoid and sensitive about criticism, and decided to flex his muscle to preemptively shut everybody up.


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[Assistant] Seizing on the smallest infractions, he punished various officials and officers. The lucky ones were exiled, the unlucky ones were beheaded in public.


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[Assistant] He also put a couple of his confidants in charge of the Imperial Guard.


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[Assistant] All of these moves brought about the intended chilling effect as everyone at court learned not to talk about Zhuge Ke in public.


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[Assistant] But just because they weren't talking about him in public, it did not mean that they weren't talking about him in private.


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[Assistant] Specifically, a member of the imperial household began talking. His name was Sun Jun.


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[Assistant] He was the grandson of a younger brother of Sun Jian.


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[Assistant] The patriarch who began the Sun family's reign in the Southlands.


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[Assistant] During the later years of Sun Quan's reign, Sun Jun was a favorite of Sun Quan and was put in charge of the Imperial Guard.


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[Assistant] But, Zhuge Ke had just taken dad away from him, incurring Sun Jun's wrath.


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[Assistant] At the same time, Teng Yin, the master of ceremony, had long been at odds with Zhuge Ke, so he now whispered in Sun Jun's ear. He told Sun Jun,


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[Assistant] Zhu Ge Ke is monopolizing power and acting with unrestrained cruelty. He has executed officials and no doubt plans to usurp the throne. Sir, you are a member of the Imperial House. You must act soon.


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[Assistant] I have long harbored such intentions, Sun Jun said. I will inform the emperor and ask for his decree to exterminate Zhu Ge Ke.


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[Assistant] So the two of them went to see the emperor Sun Liang in secret to discuss this matter. Sun Liang told them,


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[Assistant] Your majesty should hold a banquet and hide armed men behind the walls. Throw your cup to the ground as the signal, and they will kill Zhuge Ke at the banquet and rid you of future concerns.


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[Assistant] So, Zhuge Ke had been holed up at home all this time, feeling rather distracted.


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[Assistant] One day, as he walked out the central hall in his residence, he noticed a man walking in, wearing mourning clothes.


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[Assistant] My father just died, and I was coming into the city to find a monk to perform the services for him. I thought this was a monastery, so I came in.


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[Assistant] Who knew that it would turn out to be the Imperial Guardian's residence? I don't know how I ended up here.


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke was pretty ticked off and he asked the soldiers who were supposed to be guarding his house. They told him, there were dozens of us and we were stationed by the gate and did not leave our post. We did not see a single person come in.


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[Assistant] Well, that's too bad, because Ju Ge Ke was in the mood to punish somebody, so he executed all the guards and the stranger who had stumbled in.


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[Assistant] That night, Zhuge Ke was restless in bed when all of a sudden he heard a loud crash from the main hall when he went out to take a look.


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[Assistant] He saw that the main beam of the house had fractured into two.


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[Assistant] Stunned, Zhuge Ke returned to his bedchamber.


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[Assistant] But just then, a cold wind swept in, and he saw the men in mourning clothes and all the guards that he had executed. They were all carrying their severed heads and demanding their lives back.


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke fell to the floor and did not come around until a good while after.


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[Assistant] The next morning, when Zhuge Ke got up to wash his face, he could smell the stench of blood emanating from the water. He scolded his maids and ordered them to bring him fresh water. But guess what? That water reeked of blood too.


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[Assistant] So they brought him another basin of water, and it smelled the same. They changed the water dozens of times, but every time, it still reeked of blood.


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[Assistant] I guess a fortune cookie that says you'll face challenges today was just too subtle.


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[Assistant] Just then, a messenger arrived from the emperor, inviting Zhuge Ke to a banquet.


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[Assistant] So, Zhuge Ke had his chariot prepared, but as he was leaving, a dog gripped his robe with its teeth and whimpered as if it were weeping.


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[Assistant] How dare this mutt toy with me! Zhuge Ke said in anger. He ordered his men to chase off the dog and went on his way.


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[Assistant] But he had barely gone a few steps when he suddenly saw a white rainbow emanating from the ground rising into the sky.


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[Assistant] So, Juga-kun was starting to feel juuuust a little bit suspicious.


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[Assistant] One of the confidants that he had placed in charge of the Imperial Guard happened to be with him, and this guy said


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[Assistant] We don't know what the deal is with this banquet in the palace. My lord, you must not go lightly.


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[Assistant] So, Zhuge Ke decided to turn around and go home.


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[Assistant] But he had not gone far when Sun Jun and Teng Yin rode up and asked, Imperial Guardian, why are you turning back?


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[Assistant] The court has not seen your face since you returned from your campaign.


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[Assistant] That is why his majesty is holding this banquet, so that he can discuss important matters with you.


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[Assistant] Even if you're not feeling well, you should still go.


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[Assistant] His arm sufficiently twisted, Zhuge Ke was convinced to turn around again and go to the palace with Sun Jun, Teng Yin, and his confidant.


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[Assistant] There, he paid his respects to the Emperor Sun Liang, and then they sat down for the banquet. Sun Liang offered Zhuge Ke some wine, but Zhuge Ke was feeling paranoid, so he said, I am sick, so I should not drink. Sun Jun now chimed in and said,


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[Assistant] Imperial Guardian, I know that you often take medicinal wine at home. What if we went and fetch that for you?


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke consented, so he sent one of his men to go to his home to fetch his medicinal wine. Only now did Zhuge Ke dare to drink.


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[Assistant] After a few rounds, Sun Liang got up to, uhm, use the bathroom. Sure, why not.


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[Assistant] On his majesty's command, I am here to exterminate the traitor!


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[Assistant] Zhu Ge Ke was caught off guard. He threw his cup onto the ground and reached for his sword. But before he could pull out the sword, Sun Jun's blade flashed and Zhu Ge Ke's head fell to the floor.


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[Assistant] Now, Zhuge Ke's confidant was also present, and when he saw his master get killed, he pulled out his sword and slashed at Sun Jun.


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[Assistant] Sun Jun ducked, but the blade cut a finger on his left hand. Sun Jun spun around and slashed his foe in the right arm. And now, the armed guards hidden behind the walls stormed out and cut the guy to pieces.


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[Assistant] What followed was the customary purge after a coup such as this. Sun Jun sent his men to go round up Zhu Ge Ke's family.


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[Assistant] Meanwhile, Zhuge Ke's wife was feeling unsteady at home when suddenly she saw a maid enter her room. She asked the maid, Why do you reek of blood?


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[Assistant] Suddenly, the maid opened her eyes wide and grit her teeth. She leaped into the air and head-butted the main beam of the house, shouting, I am Zhuge Ke! I have been assassinated by that scoundrel Sun Jun!


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke's entire family began to wail, and soon enough, soldiers arrived, arrested everyone, and took them all to the public market for execution.


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[Assistant] So when Zhuge Ke's father Zhuge Jin was still alive, he observed that his son allowed his brilliance to shine outwardly too much. In fact, Zhuge Jin once sighed and said,


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[Assistant] This son is not one to preserve the family.


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[Assistant] Also, an official in the Kingdom of Wei once told Sima Shi,


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[Assistant] Zhuge Ke will die soon. And when Sima Shi asked him why, this official explained.


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[Assistant] His prowess intimidates his lord, so how can he long persist?


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[Assistant] So all those predictions came true on this day.


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[Assistant] Now that Zhuge Ke was dead, Sun Liang promoted Sun Jun to Prime Minister and Regent Marshal, putting him in charge of all military affairs. This was in the winter of the year 253, and from that point on, Sun Jun was in charge at the court of Dongwu.


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[Assistant] But remember that before Zhuge Ke died, he had sent that letter to Jiang Wei in the Riverlands, asking him to help with the invasion of the North.


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[Assistant] Jiang Wei was not about to let that opportunity for war pass, so in that same year, he mobilized 200,000 men. He appointed the generals Liao Hua and Zhang Yi as the vanguards, made the general Xia Houba his advisor, and put the general Zhang Yi in charge of provisions.


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[Assistant] As the army marched out of Yangping Pass, Jiang Wei asked Xia Houba how they should proceed since the last campaign went so poorly and the enemy would no doubt be prepared once again. Xia Houba answered,


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[Assistant] Among the counties in the region of Longshan, Nan'an has the most wealth and provisions. We should take that first. It's more than enough to serve as our base. We were unsuccessful last time because the Qiang tribes did not come to our aid.


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[Assistant] We should first send an envoy to arrange for them to meet us at Long You, and then advance on Nan An together.


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[Assistant] Jiang Wei was impressed with that idea, so he sent an envoy with gifts to make nice with the king of the Qiang tribes, and this king mobilized 50,000 men and marched toward Nanyang.


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[Assistant] When Guo Huai, the Wei general in charge of defending the borders with Shu, found out about this, he immediately sent word to the Wei capital. Sima Shi asked who among his officers wanted to go face the enemy. A general named Xu Zhi volunteered.


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[Assistant] The Xu Zhi had unrivaled courage, and Sima Shi knew it.


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[Assistant] So he happily named Xu Zhi the vanguard while appointing his brother Sima Jiao as supreme commander and sent them westward.


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[Assistant] As the Wei vanguard approached the front, they ran into Jiang Wei's army. The two sides lined up, and Xu Zhi, wielding a big battle axe, rode out to challenge for combat. The Shu vanguard general Liao Hua came out to face him, but after just a few bouts, Liao Hua fell back in defeat.


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[Assistant] The other Shu vanguard general, Zhang Yi, now took his turn, but he too was no match. Xu Zhi now directed his army to charge and they sent the Shu forces scurrying for 10 miles before giving up the chase and setting up camp.


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[Assistant] Jiang Wei now conferred with Xia Oba on what to do about Xu Zhi.


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[Assistant] Xiaoba suggested the old fake a retreat and lure them into a trap scheme, but Jiang Wei just rolled his eyes.


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[Assistant] In my opinion, the enemy has cut my supply route time and again. So let's use that as the lure, and we will be able to rid ourselves of Xu Zhi.


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[Assistant] So Jiang Wei dispatched the generals Liao Hua and Zhang Yi with instructions and then sent his men to fortify the area around the camp to make it look like he's digging in for a long stay.


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[Assistant] A few days passed and Xu Zhi spent every day challenging for battle, but received none.


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[Assistant] Then, scouts informed Si Ma Jiao that Shu soldiers were using wooden oxens and gliding horses to transport grain behind Iron Cage Mountain.


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[Assistant] And that they were just waiting for reinforcements from the Qiang tribes. Sima Yi now summoned Xu Zhi and told him,


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[Assistant] When we have defeated the Shu forces in the past, it was because we cut their supply route.


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[Assistant] Now, they are transporting provisions behind Iron Cage Mountain. Tonight,


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[Assistant] Take 5000 men and go cut off that route, and the enemy will have to retreat.


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[Assistant] So that night around 7 o'clock, Xu Zhi and his 5,000 men headed toward Iron Cage Mountain.


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[Assistant] There, they saw 200-some Shu soldiers escorting about 100 wooden oxens and gliding horses loaded with provisions. The Wei troops let out a loud yell, and Xu Zhi charged out to block the Shu soldiers' path. The Shu soldiers immediately ditched their provisions and scattered. Xu Zhi now divided his army.


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[Assistant] He sent half of his men to escort the provisions back to camp, while he himself led the other half to pursue the Shu soldiers. They chased the enemy for a couple miles before they found their way blocked by a bunch of carts. Xi Zhi ordered his men to dismount and push the carts out of the way.


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[Assistant] But just then, flames shot up from both flanks, Xu Zhi quickly turned and tried to retreat, but his way back was now also blocked by carts, and the flames were closing in.


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[Assistant] Xu Zhi galloped through the smoke and fire and managed to break out. But just then, an explosive sounded and two enemy forces arrived, led by the Xu generals Liao Hua and Zhang Yi. They took a big bite out of the Wei forces. Xu Zhi now ditched his men and rode away.


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[Assistant] Suddenly, another enemy army appeared in front of him, this one led by none other than Jiang Wei himself.


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[Assistant] Xu Zhi was caught off guard and Jiang Wei stabbed him off his horse with one thrust of the spear. The Shu soldiers then rushed forward and cut Xu Zhi to pieces.


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[Assistant] As for the other half of Xu Zhi's army, the half that was escorting the provisions back to camp,


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[Assistant] Well, they did not fare any better. Jiang Wei had sent Xia Hou Ba after them, and he captured them all. Xia Hou Ba now took his prisoner's uniforms and put them on his own men. They then hoisted the captured banners and headed toward the Wei camp.


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[Assistant] The guards at the camp saw the banners and figured that it was just their own guys coming back, so they opened the gates. The Shu army in disguise immediately crashed into the camp and started wreaking havoc.


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[Assistant] Si Ma Jiao was caught unprepared and hurriedly hopped onto his horse. From in front came the Xu General Liao Hua, so Si Ma Jiao turned and tried to fall back. By then, Jiang Wei and his men had arrived via the back roads and Si Ma Jiao now had nowhere to run to.


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[Assistant] Trapped, he and what remained of his troops scrambled up to the top of Iron Cage Mountain for the time being.


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[Assistant] As it turned out, the mountain was aptly named. There was only one road up and down the peak. Everywhere else on this mountain was just steep cliffs. At the peak of the mountain, there was just one small spring providing enough water for only about a hundred men.


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[Assistant] But Si Ma Jiao had 6000 men with him. So yeaah, he had problems. To see if he can solve those problems, tune in to the next episode of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast. Thanks for listening.


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[Assistant] Did you guys get lost now? Yea, more, it looks like we got a lot more. Yea, we didn't get that much here. It was just fucking ice. Yea. We got crushed with ice. It was cool. Yea.


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[Assistant] Looks good. You do look like an artist right now. You look terrible.


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[Assistant] I watched a documentary, it was about like a place like that for to treat people. It was in like central Pennsylvania. But it was in the 80s. So there was like dudes in Miami Dolphins sweatpants, tackling fucking schizophrenics. Dude, fucking chill. Oh yea, well that's what my job was. I had to kill him. You weren't orderly?


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[Assistant] In the documentary, the guy's, one dude is schizophrenic and like, has like a mild case of Down syndrome, so he was like, the guy's, the doctor.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you either have it or you don't. That's what this guy said. He was like, well he's schizophrenic and he has like mild, uhm, he said mental retardation. And the guy's like, what? And he's like, you're a little retarded. And he's like, anyway, and he kept talking and the guy was like, it was so funny. Yeah, you showed me this. Weren't they sitting next to each other at the table? Yeah, right next to each other. He's like, I'm what? And he's like, you're retarded. And he's like, okay.


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[Assistant] She wanted me to do this like, bullshit fucking task of like, going through all these envelopes and opening up letters and reading them. I was just like, I'm not doing that. Straight up Bartleby, like no. I'd prefer not to. Bartleby? Yeah, Bartleby the Scrivener.


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[Assistant] I can work for like three days at a time and then it'll get to the point where I'll be like standing at a job like, I gotta get the fuck outta here.


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[Assistant] Yeah, though that's another place, they might, sometimes places like that will tolerate it. If you can get shit, they know you'll get something done, but I've, I just like the like, just not thinking. If I am at a job, I don't want to think, and I don't want to deal with anyone.


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[Assistant] Typical fucking showbiz clashing with the networks. Oh yea? Already got a taste of it, dude.


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[Assistant] And the oxygen network, which, I'll credit Chris Wood, I think he's onto something, there was a weird conspiracy there where like, the oxygen network just happened to be there, being like, oh we had no idea anything was going on. And they had a show called,


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[Assistant] Lisnik was calling it Lesbian Wife Swap, and I thought he was serious, so I called it Lesbian Wife Swap, and a producer came up, he's like, it's not Lesbian Wife Swap, it's called Switching Teams. Where like, it's like, Wife Swap, but for like, a gay male couple, and lesbians, and then they swap. Oh, god. Yeah, and uh, you know, whatever.


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[Assistant] So what happened? Oh my god, so it was just like, he's just a crew of fucking just weirdo. The one dude. Yea, of course. The one cameraman looked just like one of the fucking guys from 300, like the bad guys. Oh, the Persians? The Persians, yea. He looked like a 300, he looked like a big gay Persian. He was the guy who corrected me. It wasn't called Lesbian Wife Swap. And then there was a lady. What's it actually called?


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[Assistant] Switching teams. And there was a lady in a red leather like leotard who was gonna play like a song for all of us apparently. So this whole, you know, they're like we'll film your guys' sets and maybe we'll like work them in and they'll get on blah blah blah.


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[Assistant] I was excited to go on, but yea, dude, it was literally like, just them sitting there at a joke, like they would laugh, but only like, you know when someone recognizes that it's been a punchline and they go like,


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[Assistant] Dude, it was, yea exactly, and Brandon Vincent Jackson, before any of this happened, was like, is that 6k black dudes? He's like, this is gonna explode.


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[Assistant] And then, and yeah, dude, that's what happened. At one point Sarah was like, well, you know, I don't know, she like went between comedians and like, tried to say like, I don't know if you guys, you know, a lot of people haven't been to a lot of comedy shows, and they're like, oh, okay, we see what you're saying. And she was like, no, like,


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[Assistant] Dude, it was pure real- it was- I was in an episode of reality TV, like the shit I used to watch when I was married and like, I hope people don't start acting like this. It was that.


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[Assistant] I know people at Comedy Central, and I was like, alright man, still, no one gives a fuck, and he was like, this dude was so fucking mad, he was so mad, and he's like, uh, and he started, I'm like, alright dude, you can have the last word. The Persian? Was that the Persian? Wasn't the Persian, the Persian left, and he like, he had the big, he, dude, we, it, it was, He did 300 of them. They, yea, they were like, we're leaving, but they got what they needed, so. Yea. Dude, it was fucking nuts.


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[Assistant] Uh-uh. And then like, dude, it was like...


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[Assistant] The guy went up and sat behind, he like sat in another chair, he was like, I'm gonna let someone else say something, we'll see what happens. It was like full on like just, reality TV, about to fight. It was so funny. Fuck. It was the best.


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[Assistant] It's actually, it was horrible. No, so then, so then these Irish people wandered in afterwards for the open mic.


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[Assistant] And we're just fucking the whole time just yelling shit out. Irish people are the worst. Actually no, they were there the whole time. They saw that whole thing. They saw that, I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] My brother wants to start a website where you just scroll through kinda like faces of meth, where it's just Irish people and retarded people and you gotta guess if they're Irish or retarded.


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[Assistant] But yea, it was, it was funny man, it was funny watching people try to attack the Irish and it was like, you can't dude. You can't get them. She went up and hugged one of the comics, and the one comic took it as like, it was like, are you assaulting me? And they were just like, what the fuck is going on? It was so fucking funny. And then at one point,


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[Assistant] Dude, I was telling Cindy about it too, I was like, as he was talking about them, I'm like, dude, I forgot just how like, funnily racist Irish people are. It doesn't sound vicious, it's just, you're just like, alright man, yea sure.


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[Assistant] But yea, that was fun. That was a good time. 02, dude, shut down the oxygen network.


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[Assistant] Wonder if Sarah did. Yeah, she did. Ah, what an idiot. She signed a release.


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[Assistant] Well they told us, they were like, we're gonna use like your, I would've totally signed something if they came up to me. They were like, we might throw your stand up clips on oxygen to like cut in and out of the show. So that's how I think they baited them.


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[Assistant] Nothing. That's why I was just laughing at the whole thing. I was just like, dude, this is ridiculous. Yea, here's ten psycho fans now. If that. If, no, who's ten people gonna hate your, definitely gonna hate my stand-up. The Oxygen Network on a show about a gay couple wife swap. They're gonna be like, yea fuck that guy. Yea.


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[Assistant] Do you know a lot of those girls go in debt from being on that show? No. The contestants don't get paid.


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[Assistant] Dude, I read that if they win, if they don't win, like those, the initial round of ladies, they buy like, they don't get paid.


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[Assistant] It's just a chance. So they buy, they take off of work, a lot of them take off of work for like two or three months. None of them have real jobs.


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[Assistant] They're all like fucking gymnasts. Yeah, well they buy clothes, they gotta buy a bunch of- they get two dresses supplied by the studio, but like they need like a zillion outfits, and they're on TV, a girl on TV's gonna spend fucking-


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[Assistant] I doubt travel would not be covered.


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[Assistant] Travel's probably covered, but that's, it's just one thing. I read, I was reading on the internet dude, they said like a bunch of them went in debt. Oh good, fuck em.


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[Assistant] Then that's millions, that's a highly rated TV show, right? Yea, yea.


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[Assistant] No, I'm saying you started probably getting, you know what, in the sunken place, dude. Oh yea. Those white people probably got in the sunken place. Well it's weird too.


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[Assistant] They'll hack it, like they'll have someone hack it, they'll get to it somehow. I dunno.


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[Assistant] I was fucking telling the truth about Trump, Snorton, Keefe, dude.


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[Assistant] There was actual guys like, you have to decarboxylate Keith in an oven in order for me to bioavailable and someone just came along and was like, this is bullshit and fucking trash me.


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[Assistant] I basically shared a fake article of my own design. You wrote the article? Yea, totally.


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[Assistant] Oh. So I faked news and I got kicked off.


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[Assistant] It could be true, but they booted me, dude. And if I, if I attempt- Were you talking shit? I said nothing, I just posted it.


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[Assistant] Dude, you know who's getting a big one right now? Hill.


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[Assistant] Motherfucking Pat George. What's up, boy? Share Monster, dude. Sharing the cast. Cool. Share Monster. He's a good dude.


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[Assistant] Pat. Pat's the bull, dude. Sup, baby. Bobby McCusker. I'll chuck Bobby in there. Oh yeah? He's the one calling you a white pussy. Fuck that guy.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and apparently, that's what someone was like, it wasn't, there was dudes from the alt-right like, yea fuck off, but apparently it got like, 900 one-star reviews. Yea, yea, yea, it was one.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Or you are, you're a celebrity, you know, whatever, but. But yeah. Dude.


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[Assistant] For men, specifically men wanting to be famous, I don't like it dude. Yea, it's gay. The idea, it's literally, thank you. That's exactly, that's my, oh it's like my circling drain of like, how do I say this about being gay? It's literally like, it's literally like, it's gay for a dude to want to be famous. It is.


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[Assistant] Yes, dude, that's all, and everyone up there is like, that's the one joke. It's like, well, you know, I have to, it's like my white privilege, and then they'll try to like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the 50 year old guy at the Comedy Zone or the Comedy Cabaret being like, I have Mexican neighbors, they're outside dancing, drinking Coronas, and everyone's like, ahhhh.


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[Assistant] They're gonna be that dude at the Comedy Zone being like, oh my god, uh.


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[Assistant] What did I watch specifically? It was from Dave Chappelle and it was about guys wanting to come to different places. It's like dude, I've seen 90 comedians do that.


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[Assistant] He's a bull- Bully comics is the best now. Bully comics is sick. He's a bully comic. You're a fucking bully dude. I'm a fucking dickhead. I'm a pure- The thing is, you're not at all. Not at all dude.


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[Assistant] I'll fuck around with like, I'll make fun of people who like comic books and shit, and then it's like, but it's not like, I also-


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[Assistant] But, and there's some times, if it's good, if I crack on someone and it's funny, it's, to me, I'm like, this is not bullying.


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[Assistant] Draw a big dick on someone's sports jacket, it's hilarious. Turn the bookbag inside out.


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[Assistant] Dude, I'm like, uh, I'm like 50%. I applied for one, got in, applied for another, did it. Yea, yea, yea. No, I'm one for three. I'm, I don't know what that is.


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[Assistant] I know for a fact I have 45 minutes of stuff that generally works 80% of the time.


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[Assistant] But yeaah, that's uh, I forget my original point.


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[Assistant] That was my point, dude. Bunch of alpha hatin' motherfuckers, dude. Yep. Alpha's versus beta's. Who's gonna win? It is. Alpha's, dude. Beta's have your day. Just wait.


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[Assistant] And he's, he's got a point. Well you gotta think too, you have zero, and myself, we have zero nerd rage inside of us.


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[Assistant] So there's a whole other level to it where like if you don't socialize your kid by I think like four or five, like if you send your kid to like preschool and like for some reason he's doing something weird and like in those years of like five, six, seven years old, the other kids decide not to really play with them and include them and stuff.


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[Assistant] You're done for like, you can't learn that again. You can't get out of that fucking nerd rage cycle. You can't, you literally like, you can't get reacclimated, it's hard. Yeah. So, there's like a brief window and if you miss it, you're a nerd, sorry.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I mean, anyway the wind blows dude, if they're like, this looks good, then, you know, it all depends.


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[Assistant] Dude, know what I fucking don't like and it drives me nuts? Doug Benson's specials. Did you ever watch them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to like it, it was something I literally wanted to like and I was like, this fucking sucks. Yeaah, he, he, he's pretty big.


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[Assistant] Dude, I watched this guy's specials cause I saw a couple of his podcasts getting dug with high and I'm like, that's kinda funny. Then I saw a special being like, this will be good and I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn dude, we gotta get some pyrotechnics on stage. For sure. That's step one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Last time, this became the Romance of the Two Kingdoms podcast as Deng Ai forced the Shu Emperor Liu Shan to surrender.


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[Assistant] Dengai then sent a letter back to his boss, Sima Zhao, advising that they leave Liu Shan in the Riverlands for now and treat him well, so as to show the Emperor of Wu that hey, he should really just, you know, surrender too.


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[Assistant] But that advice aroused in Sima Zhao a suspicion that Deng Ai was trying to set himself up to rule the riverlands. So Sima Zhao now sent two documents. One was an official decree to Deng Ai. The other was a handwritten letter to Deng Ai's army supervisor Wei Guan.


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[Assistant] The decree heaped praise upon Dong-Ai for his accomplishments and informed him that he was to be promoted to Grand Commandant.


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[Assistant] He would have an extra 20,000 households added to his fiefdom and his sons would receive titles of nobility and food from fiefdoms of a thousand households each.


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[Assistant] After Dengai received that decree, the army supervisor Wei Guan showed him the handwritten letter from Sima Zhao.


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[Assistant] It said that regarding what to do with Liu Shan, Sima Zhao needed to first run Dengai's advice through the Emperor, so he couldn't act on it immediately.


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[Assistant] Of course, Dung, I wasn't buying that. I mean, when was the last time Sima Zhao ran anything through the Emperor except a pointy weapon?


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[Assistant] A general in the field may disregard an order from his lord, Dungai said. Since I have the authority of an imperial edict for my expedition, why should he reject my proposal? So Dungai sent another letter back to the capital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By now, everyone at court was saying that Dengai must be thinking about a rebellion, which only added to Semajal's paranoia. And then, his envoy returned with Dengai's letter, which basically said that we have to act quickly to firm up the loyalty of the people of Shu, and to capitalize on the opportunity to win the hearts and minds in the kingdom of Wu.


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[Assistant] So, I can't wait until you run this proposal through the Emperor.


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[Assistant] As the spring and autumn annals said, beyond the borders a high official may do as he sees fit, as long as his purpose is in the best interest of the state. I will never do anything to harm the state's interests, so I will go ahead and put my proposal into effect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this was exactly the wrong time to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. Sima Zhao was shocked by the audacity expressed in the letter, so he quickly huddled with his advisor Jia Chong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sima Zhao said, Dengai is getting too arrogant and is acting on his own accord. His rebellious intent is showing. What should we do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why not promote Zhonghui to check him? Jia Chong suggested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Si Ma Zhao promoted Zhong Hui to Minister of the Interior and put Wei Guan in charge of both armies in Shu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He also sent another handwritten letter to Wei Guan telling him to work with Zhong Hui to keep an eye on Deng Ai in case Deng Ai did decide in fact to rebel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Upon receiving his promotion, Zhong Hui met with Jiang Wei, the former Shu commander who had surrendered to Zhong Hui and become his sworn brother.


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[Assistant] I have heard that Dungai came from a low birth and raised cattle as a child. He got lucky in slipping through the cliffs at Yinping and stumbled into a great accomplishment. It had nothing to do with his wit. It was all thanks to the kingdom's great fortune.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you had not kept me occupied at the Saber Pass, how could Dengai have done what he did? And now he wants to make Liu Shan a king to win over the hearts of the Riverlanders.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His intentions to rebel are all too obvious. The Duke of Djinn is right to be wary of him.


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[Assistant] Zhonghui was pleased with what he heard, and Jiangwei now asked him to dismiss everyone else so he could share a secret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After everybody left the room, Jiang Wei pulled out a map from his sleeve and showed it to Zhong Hui.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that Dalai is there, how could he not be tempted to do something outrageous?


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[Assistant] Jung-Hui was delighted with the map, and he asked about this place and that mountain, and Jung-Hui answered him in detail. Jung-Hui then asked, how can we get rid of Deng Ai?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We should capitalize on the Duke of Jean's suspicions. Send an urgent report saying that Dong-Ai is rebelling. The Duke of Jean will no doubt order you to put him down. Then, we can take him in one fell swoop.


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[Assistant] So Zhong Hui sent some men into the capital Luoyang to spread rumors that Deng Ai was hoarding power and buttering up the Riverlanders, and that he was going to go rogue sooner or later.


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[Assistant] This sent shockwaves through the court. What's more, Zheng Wei had his men intercept a memorial from Dengai Midway and inserted a few presumptuous lines in Dengai's handwriting.


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[Assistant] When that altered memorial arrived at court, Si Ma Zhao was outraged. He immediately ordered Zhong Hui to arrest Deng Ai.


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[Assistant] He then sent Jia Chong at the head of 30,000 men to march through Xie Gorge, and he told the Wei Emperor Cao Huan, pack your bags, we're going on campaign.


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[Assistant] The court official Shaoti now said to Sima Zhao, Zhonghui's army is six times that of Deng Ai's. It's more than sufficient to order Zhonghui to arrest Deng Ai. Why must your lordship trouble yourself?


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[Assistant] Si Ma Zhao smiled and said, Have you forgotten our conversation? You said that Zhong Hui will rebel for sure at some point. My campaign is not aimed at Deng Ai, but at Zhong Hui.


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[Assistant] Shalt he smiled back. I was afraid your lordship had forgotten, so I asked on purpose.


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[Assistant] Since that is your intent, you must proceed in secret and not let word leak out.


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[Assistant] Sima Zhao took his advice to heart and set out with his army.


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[Assistant] His advisor Jia Chong was also suspicious of Zhong Hui, so he expressed his concerns to Sima Zhao in secret. But Sima Zhao dismissed those concerns and said, If I had sent you to Shu instead of Zhong Hui, should I now have cause to suspect you as well? All will become clear when I arrive at Chang'an.


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[Assistant] When Zheng Wei got word that Sima Jia was already at Chang'an, he consulted with Zheng Wei about how to arrest Deng Ai.


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[Assistant] Jiang Wei told him, you can send the army supervisor Wei Guan to go arrest Deng Ai.


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[Assistant] If Donghae kills Weigwad, then his rebellion is proven. You can then mobilize your army to attack him.


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[Assistant] Wei Guan's men all saw through Zhong Hui's scheme and told Wei Guan he could not go on this suicidal mission, but Wei Guan was like, nah, I've got this.


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[Assistant] Before he set out, he sent on ahead about 30 decrees that said, on imperial orders, I am arresting Dongai. No one else will be implicated. If you come to surrender quickly, you will be rewarded. If you do not come, your clans will be exterminated.


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[Assistant] That done, Wei Guan prepared two prisoner carts and rushed toward Chengdu.


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[Assistant] By cock crow the next morning, numerous officers under Dengai's command had seen the decrees, and they had all come and submitted to Wei Guan.


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[Assistant] Around dawn, while Dong-Ai was still in bed, Wei Guan and a few dozen men suddenly stormed in shouting, We have an imperial edict to arrest Dong-Ai and his son!


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[Assistant] A stunned Dungai rolled off his bed and was immediately tied up.


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[Assistant] His son, Deng Zheng, came out to see what was going on, and he was promptly arrested as well, and both were thrown into the prisoner carts.


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[Assistant] The guards in the house were stunned and were just about to try to save their master when they saw a huge dust cloud in the distance.


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[Assistant] Word came that this was Zhonghui's army approaching, so all the men loyal to Dengai scattered.


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[Assistant] When Zhong Hui and Jiang Wei arrived, they saw that Dong Ai and his son had both been bound.


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[Assistant] Jung-Hui struck Dong-Ai on the head with his whip and cursed him. You cattle herding urchin, how dare you!


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[Assistant] Jiang Wei also joined in. Scoundrel, you gambled and got lucky. And now, you've got your comeuppance.


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[Assistant] Delay also hurled some insults back at his captors, but to no avail.


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[Assistant] Junhui ordered that Dengai and his son be taken to the way capital Luoyang.


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[Assistant] One day, Junhui told Zhang Wei, I have finally fulfilled my lifelong ambition. But Zhang Wei cautioned him.


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[Assistant] In the past, Han Xin did not listen to advice and brought calamity upon himself.


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[Assistant] And Wen Zhong did not follow his colleague to live as hermits, instead remaining at court which ended with him falling on his sword.


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[Assistant] Both of them had the most glorious achievements to their names, and yet they failed to see the latent danger ahead.


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[Assistant] Now, my lord, your own merits have reached the pinnacle as your sovereign is all too aware. Why not quit while you were ahead, and retreat from the world?


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[Assistant] But Jung-Hui just laughed and said, sir, you're mistaken. I'm not even 40 yet, and I'm at an age for advancing and conquering, not for retiring into inactivity like the ancients.


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[Assistant] If you do not retire, then you must make plans for yourself soon, Zhang Wei said. There are things here that you have the mind and strength to accomplish. You have no need for an old man's advice.