[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, let me see. Let me go back, man. I don't know. I'll have to look back up. Uh, but there are different types of artists. There's sketch artists. There's police sketch artists.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, one of the worst sketch artists for Courtroom was the Tom Brady sketch during Deflategate. You remember this? Okay, there it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In federal court, it's just not allowed. I think, uh, something about juries and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, uh, this is a real police sketch artist and they gave him a description and I will say the guy was caught. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Court case where we had to hire a sketch artist and I asked around some of my friends and they're like, I know a guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he came in and he interviewed and he showed us some of his sketches. So I'm like, all right, we're going to hire you to be our sketch artist. And this is just a friend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recommended this guy, he showed us his sketches. So the day of the trial, federal courthouse, downtown Broadway, Nashville, I'm there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not there, and it's about to start, and I'm freaking out just like in a movie, like where's my guy? He comes in wearing jean shorts on roller blades.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I think he did a fine job as a sketch artist, but it was like my cousin Viti as far as how embarrassed I was at the moment that this guy was who I picked to represent us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Digital sketches that went bad too, where they'll say, ah, the guy had some facial hair and then he'll look like a wolf man. So sometimes computers mess it up too. That can't be right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is real. Now that was not a sketch artist. That was someone who they just asked to sketch what the suspect looked like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they also caught that guy. That's close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I mean, that's different. I can draw, but I like, I, but I don't think of what I'm drawing. I like, I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just draw something that, like a picture in a book or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's probably true. I thought maybe by your time you were a child, there was a bunch of options.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now there's this, the AI that you love that can just draw anything, right? Right. Somebody just sent us some of you. I'll have to forward to you, uh, the, I don't know what it even, what it is. You put it in a program and it just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would have to be, almost seem like, for it to be that accurate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Read the story about the, I think it was a rapist on the loose in the sketch. It looked exactly like him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, like a monitor that he's looking at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have it either. And I searched for it and couldn't find it. So I think someone took a picture off their screen and that might be a 20 year old photo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, uh, in Boston, there's a museum of bad art and, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They have a whole protocol called MOBA, M-O, Museum of Bad Art, and they, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They collect bad art from artists. They have a protocol. You can't just, anybody has to do it. It has to be someone who's legitimately trying, wasn't trying to do it as a joke and it has to have a certain aesthetic badness to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you can go there, you can see it, and they've got some examples there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or anyway, I saw some photos earlier, but anyway, it's a, it's just a place for bad art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, immediately if it's good or bad, because people give you an audible response.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In 2012, in the little town in Spain, uhm, there was a painting on a church wall of Jesus, and it was called Behold the Man, and it was starting to crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this elderly woman, I think she was 81 years old.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of volunteered herself to try to restore the painting. So she was gonna repaint it herself and fix it up. And things went terribly wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now in her defense, I don't know, she's 81. She said she went on a two week vacation and was going to finish it when she got back. She wasn't done. And she said, then she gets back from two weeks vacation and it's a national news story because it's so bad. It's hard to imagine how you could fix that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she says she wasn't done yet. Now it ended up being...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a way, a great thing because the church was struggling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For financially, the whole town was struggling financially and now this little B town has come a huge tourist attraction and people go there and it's kind of saved the town, the church they charged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dollar, one euro per person to enter the church for reviewing and all the proceeds go to help the church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And this woman who's I think still alive, she's in her nineties now, she gets half of the money and it goes to help her, her son who has cerebral palsy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel sorry for her because she said I didn't do anything secretive. They knew I was doing this and then it just didn't. Well don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess so. She's probably in this little beat church thinking nobody's going to see this and then she's on vacation and the news is there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're in all the one, uh. There's paintings. I mean, Derek Mason on the side of that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hasn't there been some like NFL Hall of Fame, I feel like now sculptures that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just did not look like them. I feel like there's been some cases.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was still working on it when I got there. Maybe a little later, a little later. Michelangelo was asked by the Pope about his secret of genius and how he carved this beautiful statue. And he said, it's simple. I just remove everything that is not David.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is great. I mean, it's just, it starts off as one big block and then he just chisels away and makes it. But if you make one mistake, you're, you're done.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's outside and it's just anybody can see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. He also painted of course the seal of Sistine Chapel. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The most famous painting is the creation of man.


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[Assistant] I was like, there it is right there. And then they're like, nope, that's not it. And I was like, there it is, no. Brian Bates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this weekend I am with, uh, Henry Cho in Tullahoma, Tennessee at the South Jackson, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At Fox River Christian Church with uh, two other funny comedians, Johnny W and Darren Striplow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Money. Oh, like under the couch with the spoons?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, he's in it too? Dream Jing Triple Horn? Is that her name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard the Christians and the Lions is way over exaggerated and that that either didn't happen or it was like donkeys. Hardly ever happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When the UFC first started, I feel like, like in the 90s, there was like no rules. Wasn't it a lot more brutal?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think Jessica, I think she commented that she now knows who ran into your, uh, face. How about this guy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he sent this because you said for your birthday, you got three calls from your dentist office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I think they probably just got going for fun and you pick, you pick, and then next thing you know they're really into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I mean, I don't know, there's like three mafia guys, and how many do you think will hit? Nobody guesses zero. Once they get started, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I was too scared and like, I think you get in line and you get up there and you get your picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The photo I vaguely remember is, I mean, I'm this tall and you just get up there and stand beside him and he puts his arm around you and you take a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I guess I would argue because so little things did happen in my childhood that now, when I moved to Nashville, I want to get involved in getting into the movie stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We were there. I mean, I remember the Harlem Globetrotters game. It wasn't the actual Globetrotters. It was like the minor league Globetrotters. That was a Harlem something else. Yeah. The 110th Street Globetrotters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At my school, when the three point line came in, they could, we couldn't afford to paint it. So we just took black duct tape and just made it with duct tape, but we got offline. So there were some places it would be like maybe 18 feet and then someplace would be like 22. Yeah. You knew where to go. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About that? Yeaah. It was not a perf, perfect, whatever that would be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean we had a cake walk every year. How much paint cost?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Monty Mitchell has a joke about they did cakewalk for diabetes. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then you walk and then they stop and read a number and if you're on it, you win a cake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kessel Heights Military Academy was the, was the last Military Academy, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His brother and I were, were best friends in kindergarten. You know all the people? Wait, are you serious? John Ray Clemens? Yeah. Yeah. His brother Al was my best friend in kindergarten. Yeah. John Ray's a little bit younger. I mean, that's what is, uh, what about Haystack? Haystack, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, I mean, we knew each other all the way through school and I still know him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it probably, well, I don't know. There's a lot of levels. I'm pretty far behind. Let me rethink that. But yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Dusty, didn't you have a case where someone asked you to switch and you said no and the lady started crying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no. But who's, is the kid teddy bear? So that's, he's not even right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just for fun. I mean I remember that when it happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Well, at Edmund High School, our English teacher is one of the finalists to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh really? Funny fakes, miss fakes. She, I was in junior high when that happened, but then I had her later on and her hall pass to go to the bathroom was a toy space shuttle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't like maybe with the final round, but she, it was pretty close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I first started writing books, nobody's writing their autobiography.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. They're writing made up stories. Right. And you can't, I guess- Well, they make up a different word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're arguing the truth should get the best word, and then the non-truth should have to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, well today we're talking about holiday shopping. Dusty, right up your alley.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, does anybody know, uh, how Black Friday got its name?


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[Assistant] Cops in Philadelphia were complaining about having to work the day after.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And people were in the streets everywhere and not only were they not off, they had to work extra long hours. It was really hard and they called it Black Friday. And then it kind of took off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that was the day after Thanksgiving's Black Friday, but the stores were like, that, that doesn't sound good. That sounds negative. So they try to change it to Big Friday, but it just didn't, it just didn't work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Black Friday, it just stuck and after a while it started trickling around the country. It wasn't until the 80s though, but that's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like a bad thing at first, but then that name just kind of stuck in around Philadelphia for the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah. And, but they, the stores want to do sales, so they didn't want to call it Black Friday. So try to call it Big Friday, but people just like the term Black Friday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So eventually kind of just started spreading and then stores were like, all right, let's spin it this way. Let's say we've been in the red all year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if we have a big sales day, we could get in the black and that could become black.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But even on a computer screen like that, it's black type. Yeah, it is. That's the given. That's very good, Brian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it wasn't until 2005 that Black Friday became the busiest shopping day of the year. So it's, it's a relatively- 2005?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Probably, they've got a day for everything now. Super Saturday is the last Saturday before Christmas. And some years, Super Saturday's even been the biggest year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the biggest single day in US retail history, uh, was in 2019 on Super Saturday. It's, uh, getting ready for COVID.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we talked about last year on Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year for plumbers. Same for stores. Plumbers, so many people, stores that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since 2006, 17 people have died and 125 people injured on Black Friday.


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[Assistant] So Thanksgiving used to always be the last Thursday of the month.


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[Assistant] But sometimes that would make, depending on the calendar fall, that would make Black Friday


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[Assistant] Then they just call it Friday, but not sometimes it would not be till December 1st.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And retailers are complaining that that's not enough shopping time for people. So frankly- Who are they complaining to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Probably, because the president got involved, and Franklin Roosevelt changed it to where, uh, it's always going to be the fourth Thursday of the month. Not just the, necessarily the last Thursday of the month.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. They called it Franksgiving after Franklin, Franklin D. Roosevelt for a while. And then Congress passed a resolution making it the fourth Thursday in November, Thanksgiving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I figured it was less than a bill, because you can't make someone celebrate Thanksgiving on a certain day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a history of gift giving, uh, dating all the way back to, uh, to Rome. So there was a pagan holiday called Saturnalia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was a harvest festival celebrating the sun and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pagans love to celebrate so they would, uh, exchange gifts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Usually, gifts they make, wax candles or figurines, things like that. And uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Christians wanted to celebrate Christmas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The idea of gift giving became a thing around Christmastime. Interesting. It was actually. I feel like pagans had a good run at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it kind of grew and grew, but then by 1600s in America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a little busy right now with Twitter, but. Okay. But. Yeaah, I haven't heard. Neuralink's still a company. They tried it on some pigs. Okay. Wow. What do we get them to do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it'll be the same thing. Transportation. Think about how much better it is now than it was 100 years ago.


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[Assistant] In minutes instead of hours, stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. 122 is the record that the official Guinness honors that thing, but in the Bible they live in the nine hundreds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Dusty, what was the top, when you were 10 years old, what was the hot toy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were the top toy sold that year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Play, it did play a very big role, but people's home internet was so bad that on Monday when they went back to work, everybody got on their computer and started buying stuff. Oh, okay. So you're off Friday, but your dial-up is terrible Saturday. So go back Monday, you got good computer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Somebody's got a case of the Cyber Mondays. And then there's Giving Tuesday. That just started in 2012.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, now there's green Monday. That's the last, uh, day before you can order something online and be delivered by Christmas. What day is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After doing internal research, they realized second Monday, December is the last day shoppers were able to place an online order that would arrive in time for the holidays.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's also Dusty like this, by nothing day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a day of protest against consumerism. That's kind of like Festivus we talked about. Yea, what day is that? Same day as Black Friday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, I guess they're trying to... They're trying to counter it, but yeaah, they should probably just pick a day that might actually...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, uh, Amazon's 42% of people buy their stuff on Amazon now. Walmart's second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you a brick and mortar or you like to go check it out or you like to order online?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, uh, they did some research on holiday spending. Uh, music in a store makes a big difference how long someone stays. I think we talked about this with restaurants as well. Upbeat music makes people, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Move faster so they're not in the store as long. Slower, more soft music makes people slow down and stay longer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been over there on the road to some lids and I know nothing about, like when we were in Salt Lake City, we went by Salt Lake B.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we looked at a few and then we left and I was like, why don't you buy one? And you're like, ah, it wasn't the right size. Cause I'm not used to fitted hats. You have the exact head size down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Buyers about not over buying because wearing high heels, you have a short amount of time before your feet get tired. So you don't linger in there. So the key to not overspending is to wear high heels in the store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, due to inflation, the 12 days of Christmas would now cost you $41,205.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 7 swans a swimming would be about $13,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You can probably know a guy, get you some birds in general.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, like Casino, shopping malls are designed to make people lose track of time. They remove clocks and windows, previews the outside world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's called scripted disorientation called the Guru and transfer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's alright. This might be one of the shorter episodes we've done in a while. Does Harper have like something she really wants this year? Like a hot toy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember an age, like, between like 12 and, I don't know, 11 and 13, something like that, where...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're almost over clo- I mean toys, but you're not really into clothes yet where it's kinda hard to know what you want. Do you guys remember that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But how, you have to literally walk to go from room to room? No. You have a waiter's move from room to room?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've heard about homeless guys that do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's a famous photo out there, I think of a homeless guy who has a VR headset and he spends his day living in another world. I don't blame him. Yeah. I don't know if it's sad or great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see these commercials now during football games for like, I can be the Cowboy for the, quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, like you can wear the, wear the headset, but like you can actually, the guy says, I don't want to, it's a kid. I don't want to wait to someday be the quarterback. I want to be it now. And then he puts it on and he's like, you should see it. He's playing in like, looks like a real game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think if someone is at a job where they, they're never going to wear a suit, they should still at least dress up in a suit for the interview? Uh, I'm not talking about like McDonald's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interviewed in a suit at New Channel 5 and then was there for 20 years and never wore a suit again. I mean, there's never no reason to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even on dating sites, when I was on dating sites, so many women's profile would be a selfie and not even a good one. Just, you know, when they hit, cause they didn't apparently didn't even have a recent headshot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Americans spend an average of $123 on their spouses for Christmas. 123 bucks? Good to know. Do you think that's high or low?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be at the, uh, I think it's called the Colonnade Theater in Ringle, Georgia with Henry Cho, uh, December 2nd. I think that's Saturday. No, it's Friday, sorry. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, but life is busy and your well-being is important.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Athletic Greens makes it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day with just one scoop. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit athleticgreens.com slash night for a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. That's athleticgreens.com slash night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my goodness. I wish I had known. John sent me one of those too and I liked both of the pictures that he told me to delete. He told me to delete it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was, they hired me to be Elvis for their Elvis bingo. So I, I did a few weeks ago. So I researched, uh, yeah, I was like, uh, like fat Elvis. You know what I mean? I was heavy at the time and there's a roller skate. There's a video out there. No, I can't roller skate at all. I just, um, um, went out there with shoes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, why do, you know, they were just at a bar doing a bingo night. It was for them. So, but I did a deep dive into Elvis. It might be hard to find and I hope it is. And, uh, I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did a deep dive into Elvis and watched a lot of his videos and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, he's great. Such a nice guy. Such a sad ending for Elvis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some TikTok videos out there right now of him being like a preacher of a church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a, a theory out there, it was on a movie that, that, I think it's Coffee and Cigarettes, a movie, and they, they put, they said that, you know, Elvis, he got tired of the fame, he got tired of all that, he had a twin brother. So Elvis retired.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At the peak of his fame and then his brother took over and it was his brother that couldn't handle the fame. So that's why his brother, his brother is the one that got really overweight and got really on drugs. And that's how, that's how it all took the.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, I picked some, for some reason I pictured this was Elvis's childhood home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the Steve Martin book, he talks about Elvis coming backstage and talking to him and then Elvis being like, you want to see my gun? And showed him some guns and, and, uh, I thought that was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they say it was very sad. A guy told me, he talked to me about Elvis one time talking about in the end days, how they really just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really took advantage of him and like that he would basically be in bed in Vegas. They would go and they would take him


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, things to lift him up and then they would wheel him out on stage in a wheelchair and then he would do his songs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they would give him things to put him back down and then they would wheel him back to his room and then he would, that was basically his life at the end.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine Elvis gave you a car though and then he dies and people are like, listen, we know Elvis gave you this, but he had a lot going on there. We gotta get this back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually the first, the first late night I did, The Rock was there on, on the show that night. Really? Yea. Did you meet him? No, I didn't meet him. I was standing close to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was too nervous about my own stuff to be also trying to meet a guy that I really liked. I still like him, but at that time he was still fresh out of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, sold out some shows at the DC Improv, really great. And I say sell out shows because that's new to me, fairly new to me. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's great, and I'm very happy, and the shows were awesome. I like DC, I like Columbus, they're great. Today, I went to a restaurant in Murfreesboro called, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, oh no, I had it. It's called, uh, Maple Street Biscuit House. And this guy named Brett came out. He's the assistant manager. Gave me some free cinnamon biscuits. So he's a fan of the podcast.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so she cried a lot and then at 6am she decided she's ready to get going. So I've been up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So you stopped in Murfreesboro. I've had a full day. Yeah. Yeah. I've had some cinnamon biscuits.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Egg and cheese biscuit, I mean, I'm gonna go at it. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you were in D.C. too. Last weekend, or this past, yea, Sunday. DC Improv? Yea, DC Improv. Yea, it's such a great club. So great. Yea, so much fun. Yea, I mean the last two weekends have been really great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but in, you know, uh, North Carolina, Greensboro, North Carolina, not long ago, I was sitting in the lobby of my hotel and a lady that works there goes, she goes, can I help you? And I go, no, I'm okay. She goes, do you have a room here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, yeah. I had to get mad at that lady, actually. I was like, that's not the way that you asked that question. I'm like, I get it, but that's not how you address it. She apologized. Oh yeah? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeah, I do think people think I'm homeless. Actually the DC, the hotel I was at in the DC improv was so nice. Everybody was so business-like and I'm in there in like a denim shirt and a trucker hat. I felt like I needed to show my key card every time I walked in just to be like, no, no, no, I am a, I am a customer here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in Phoenix, yeaah, well, I just, uh, went out in front of the, uh, Phoenix Sun Stadium. The pool at my, uh, hotel was closed. So I went out and I saw this nice cement slab and I thought, well, this is great. I'll just lay here and get a little sun. Just kind of soak it up. And this lady's security guard comes out of the,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Out of the basketball arena, she goes, hey, you can't lay down here. She goes, well, she goes, it's a private property. We make the rules. And I'm like, I'm not even arguing with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But she didn't tell me to leave. She just, you can't lay down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That would have been nice. Yeah, imagine I fall asleep, wake up with money in the cup. I'd be into it. I mean, I'm not against it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, a girl did offer me food. I was sitting on a park bench and I look up and there's a girl, she goes, she goes, excuse me. And she had a brown paper sack in her hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She said, do you want a sandwich? In the joke, I take it, but in real life, I did not take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think about it i should have took it because it probably less embarrassing for her if i just took it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Imagine she's like, oh, my sandwiches are not even good enough for the homeless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say you call, you don't, they don't use homeless anymore. They use house, uh, uh. Unhoused. Unhoused, right? But I grew up in a trailer, right? I didn't have a house. I was kind of unhoused, but I had a home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's what we'll get one day, I think. If, if we're no longer allowed to use any names, we'll be like, everything in the store will be like maple syrup and it'll be like, you know, tea and you know, nothing will have names. It'll just be like butter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just say that, yea, that's what it is. Unless you have a cool name like the Alabama Crimson Tide, then that, you're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that could get confusing. Jets, John, it'd be New York football team playing the New York football team.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's no way. There's a good chance no one would ever see me again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know, I mean, I think that if you win that, everyone knows you win it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think I'd still want to maintain a normal life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if everyone knows you win, you gotta disappear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd go to lunch with people and they'd go, oh man, I forgot my wallet. You mind getting this one? I'll get you next time. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I would like, you know, that, that, you know, balances everything back out, right? It's like, you know, like if, cause if you're a millionaire and you're buying people lunch, you know, especially a lottery winner millionaire, it may not mean anything, but now if they're able to buy, like if they're able to buy you lunch, maybe that now means something to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Right, but if someone buys you lunch and they know they have, and you know they're a $900 million lottery winner,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, does it really have the impact? Are you really like thankful that they bought it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] From all, you know, especially like if you were like a pesticide salesman, let's say, and then your, your competitor suddenly wins the lottery. That's hard to handle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'd be like Ted DiBiase, you know, million dollar man out here. That'd be the best. What is that reference? You not know the wrestler? Ted DiBiase? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. That's true. They're like, where'd you get those? Our next partner has a product we have started using every day. We all started taking athletic greens because none of us eat very well, but we're looking for simple ways to try and be more healthy. This is a great start to the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This special blend of ingredients supports your gut health, your nervous system, your immune system, your energy, recovery, focus and aging.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The taste is great and it's easy to make and drinks quickly. Just one scoop of powder with water, shake and drink. Travel packs are great for when any of us are on the road. You can just easily pour it into a bottle of water and then drink it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's complicated like other things. Just pour it into the water and drink it. Contains less than one gram of sugar. No GMOs. We hate those. No nasty chemicals or artificial anything. Supports better sleep quality and recovery and also mental clarity and alertness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cheaper than getting all the different supplements yourself and it costs less than $3 a day. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's amazing. Right now it's time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition, especially heading into the flu and cold season. My least favorite season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just one scoop and a cup of water every day. That is it. No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To make it easy, Athletic Grains is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and


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[Assistant] Five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash Nate. Again, that's athleticgreens.com slash Nate and take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could do internet videos where like, you know, where people do the good thing, where they go find somebody that needs money and then they give them a bunch of money, but you could like harass people and then embarrass them and then throw money at them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going 58. What did you say? I said 48. I'm going 58.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still just don't see the advantage of being invisible unless you're looking to do mischievous things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. What about x-ray vision?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean immediately because you're like, well, I could do it if I wanted to and no one would know I'm doing it. So yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think so. Like he, he would have to, you know, he couldn't just shoot right from the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I'm not doing it for a joke. Yeah. You watch Harry Potter?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, but back when I watched it, I was not in tune to the things I am in now. Oh, interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's an idea that, you know, we're all in a simulation here. So in that world, this is a video game that I'm in and you guys are all just part of the video game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, he doesn't look very Bible-like in this. I mean, look at this guy. He's got a sword.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It's almost like looking into it. It's almost like, yeah, you pick a famous person to go, yep, we're taking them down. You know, and then you're right. Don't keep looking into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that we're all just trying to get likes on social media, right? So it's like when you don't, when you're a comic and you're putting out videos and stuff, you want your likes on those videos. So then you don't, but when you didn't do comedy, you're like, you want your likes for your birthday. I just remember when I wasn't doing comedy and the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I'm gonna give him some turkey, dresser, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah. Cranberry sauce. Celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah, I like Thanksgiving. Oh, I don't think you celebrate the American holidays. I like Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving's a good holiday. That's the only one. Yeah, I think it's a... What do you do for Christmas?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He lives really amazing. Defies gravity really. It can just, you know, just, uh, it can lift. I didn't know. Well that makes sense.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I did that, the last time I did that, I got real lightheaded and I was like, oh, I never want to do the talk funny thing again with helium. Yeah. When I was a kid, it was really fun, but now I'm like, I feel like this is, I shouldn't be breathing in this gas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'll say this is, you know, we have a helium short, so I want to get you some balloons. I'll get him a one balloon for every age he is. So I'll get him roughly like 73 balloons. Yeah. And then, yeah, let's do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, if you're real tall, that's kinda- What happened to him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So how old would he had been and how old did he need to be?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just feel like that we don't necessarily, and I don't mean me or you guys, but I feel like as a society, we just don't really care about that stuff like we used to. I don't, I think we do. I don't think the media does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I just, I feel like we're so numb to things now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And maybe now if people do, they have their phones and they just are able to get help or they're able to make their story their own story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They go live on Facebook to be like, I'm trapped in a mountain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a good looking, I was, I was wondering if that had been made for this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and most recently there was two bears fighting each other. Yeaah. We all got tagged in a couple of times. Yeaah, that was fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay. I just saw it, but yeah, I mean, I still stand by, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barry Sanders could tackle and or Juke a bear. Yeah. I think, I think he could. Yeah. In his prime. Not now. That'd be ridiculous. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, yeaah, he said nah, and he said, cause they do it with deer all the time. But I'm like, well, Mayor Sanders is not a deer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I never seen it. No one knows. No one knows. I hit a deal with my truck the other day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately. You're speeding, weren't you? I don't think so. It was night and I was driving in the mountains. Whose fault was it, you think? I blame the deer. He ran out right out in front of me. I hit it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was able to keep going though. That felt good. You didn't even...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't, there was no shoulder. There was nothing I could do. I just hit it, kept going. When I finally found a place, I pulled over. It did some damage, but it was still drivable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the best source I can- I wish that deer had sprung back a little bit. Then I wouldn't be dealing with the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's not bad for that guy. If he opens it up, it's like, walnuts are not cheap. You know, that's pretty good. It's like, all right, appreciate you guys bringing this to me. That sounds like a friend. But just starting your car is probably going to be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I mean, I don't like snakes. I don't understand why people have them as pets. I don't like them. Yeah, so do we. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't remember any of it. Anybody that could communicate with snakes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Beetlejuice almost. If you say that three times, he will come. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he's sometimes a snake. Who? Beetlejuice. Oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, there you go, there's the tie-in. It's like Michael Keaton. Yeah, in the movie. Oh, he becomes a snake. He's like a snake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I used to watch a little, little stuff on TV, uh, who was the guy that was real popular for a while? David Copperfield? David Blaine? Yea, I used to watch a little bit of it. He disappeared a bus or something on TV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I mean, I think you've talked about your dad before. Like, he's, he's like, he's doing tricks. He's not necessarily doing magic. And he's not doing spells. Now, if he's doing spells... You'd be uncomfortable. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think a bird, and I don't mean like a parakeet that says a word or two, but I think a bird, if it could really talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They could just fly around to be spying on everybody, just pop up, telling secrets. You know what I mean?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about rats though? If they got, like a mouse gets into your house and is like, Hey, that's how you set that trap out. Appreciate you trying to kill me. I'll get you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was your own dog, but it had not been talking before, but suddenly just started talking. And then he was like, I actually don't like the food that you've been giving me. And then you're like rubbing. He's like, don't do it like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and if you try to get rid of me, I'll tell people that you have been beating me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on out. All right. All right. I'll be at the Houston improv Thursday, Friday, Saturday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then Tuesday, the 22nd, I have a show at Zany's in Nashville.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm finally going back to Houston. I got, my show's got canceled cause of COVID. I'm finally rescheduled. I'm pumped to go back. It's going to be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think all of us are trying to take our AG1 by athletic greens every day. I gave AG1 a try because I wanted increased energy and immune system support, especially during the cold and flu season.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I take AG1 in the morning before starting my day and it makes me feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I'm doing something good to cover my nutritional basis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also get the single serving travel packs, so I never have to miss a day when I'm on the road.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every scoop has 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food sourced ingredients of the highest quality that have major benefits like gut and mood support, boosted energy, and even healthier looking skin, hair, and nails.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] AG1 has been a part of millions mornings. Millions of mornings since 2010.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Grains is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgrains.com slash nate. That's athleticgrains.com slash nate. Check it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What you're talking about was the Julian calendar, which I think is Wednesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now we're on the Gregorian calendar, but we all said, what's something we would change? And I said, the day should start at sunrise, not at midnight. That was mine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The day should start like at 5am, like that should be what we consider the next day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I haven't seen good casino recently. Good fellow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I couldn't help to notice that Dusty now has a Wikipedia page. Oh, do I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm the oldest. I passed Grandpa Jones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love the comments on that, that's the titans twitter and the comments.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. But it, it, James Orson becomes Main Street right there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I was, I was off. I was home with my family first Christmas with, uh, my daughter and it was, it was great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I remember the wrestling episode, you kind of made fun of wrestling and- Did I? I feel like you did. A lot of people said you did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one know- is this a storyline? Cause there's a lot of storylines where they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bring in an ambulance and stuff like that. Oh and Hart died, like for real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you have a 24 hour sports channel, that's the problem. You either gotta show highlights of other games, which some people will say is insensitive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about the people. We never got to, we got everyone except you. Okay, what are you going up to?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now why, why are you guys not a fan of Tom Hanks? No, I'm not. I am a fan. I know you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a hitman in Road to Perdition, but he was still a good guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me tell you guys something about ZocDoc. ZocDoc we can now find and book in person or telemedicine appointments for medical or dental care.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's helpful for people that are on the go, work different hours like us. Let me ask you guys, have any of you ever asked your friends, is this normal? Oh, all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because there's real medical professionals that you can consult with. If you have a health problem and you don't want to share it with your friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Comedians, they're not always the best medical professionals. Dusty knows some stuff, but most of us don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance, are available when you need them, and treat almost every condition under the sun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go to ZocDoc.com slash Nate and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, can you explain this? So, give me a two-digit number. Twenty-five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 45. Yeah, there you go. I forgot how to do this thing. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it at home and it worked, but now I can't remember how we did it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so 36 minus 9 would be 27. A lot of u-turns. And that's divisible by 9.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So 63 minus 9 would be 54 and that's divisible by 9.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good week to talk about. Yeah. Let me ask you, big Southwest guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people say now they will no longer fly Southwest. Are you with them? Ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What do you think about the seat saving in the Southwest? Is that yea or nay on that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now this woman say three rows for her family. Ridiculous.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, there's a place in, uh, we've talked about this before, Scottsboro, Alabama, unclaimed luggage. You ever been there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, uh, airports hold your luggage for 90 days. And then after that, if no one's claimed it, I think this place buys it from the airport for a price and then they resell it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've never been, but we talked about this on a previous episode. They've had some crazy stuff there. Live Rattlesnake, uh, was in a bag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, uh, some shrunken heads, some, some crazy stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just assume that's how it works. I don't think they're just giving it to unclean bags.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so the record that I could find for longest that people have had to sit on a plane was, uh, I think I talked about this in a previous episode, JetBlue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, I know. But I believe I threw this out at the end and you were like, why didn't we get into this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sooner. So now I'm going to do it. JetBlue used to have a, I think their policy model was, we don't cancel flights. And then there was a big blizzard in 2007 and, uh, people sat on flight for 10 and a half hours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were about to take off, and then it got so bad that they couldn't take off, but JetBlue was like, no, no, no, no, we're not canceling. We're not canceling, and they would not let them get off, and they sat there for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now there's rules. Department of Transportation says after three hours, they have to let you off. This is departing or- Three's too long. Yeah. Well, I agree, but I guess, I don't know why, but maybe- I'd say an hour.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some crazy situations. After three hours, domestic flights, four hours for international flights, either departing or arriving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that's probably the one, that's, is that the one she's probably, does she live in LA?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Nashville airport, I didn't know this was the first, maybe still the only airport in the country has its own beer and liquor license. Meaning you can, don't have to stay in the restaurant area with your drink. You can take it anywhere. You can't take it on the plane, but you could take it right up to the gate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I see that a little bit different than a human. I'm just saying, it's not a crazy idea anymore. We're putting chips and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nashville circled airport for about two hours before crashing on the runway and bursting into flames, killing the sole occupant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The burning wreckage went unnoticed for nearly six hours because it was obscured by dense fog and then someone finally noticed it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Turns out it was a drunk guy who, uh, was stalking Taylor Swift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Taylor Swift, she spoke to NYU graduation, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, spring of 2022 and she said that her secret on Southwest, she says she, I guess she used to, by Southwest, was she and her mom would get in a fake argument with each other in the boarding area, so nobody would want to sit next to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in a airplane bathroom, if someone chooses just to lock themselves in there, there's a secret latch that flight attendants can use to unlock the bathroom. I don't know if you guys have seen this or not, but underneath the lavatory sign, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll just unlock it. I didn't, I didn't know that. Yeah, I, I was confused why if no one was in there it would have been locked, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a British Airways flight, I got this from the Nate Land Facebook fan page by the way. British Airways flight that was forced to turn around because someone used the bathroom and the smell was so bad they had to turn around and come back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said because the air recycles in a plane, so it would just be bad for everyone because it's just, it's just a shame.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said it's impossible to open that emergency door when it's in the air, uhm, just because of the air pressure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they were going to Dubai. Yeah, from London to Dubai. Seven hour flight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, you wanna guess what percentage, uh, when you're 35,000 feet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How close are you percentage-wise to outer space?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a commercial airline how close are you to the edge of space?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say, when I've been up that high and I look down how far we're like, I'm like, man, I think we're almost to space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're not high enough to see the curvature of the earth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now they say pilots can because if you have a wide, you need at least a 60 degree, you can start seeing the curvature, but from our windows, there's not enough space to start seeing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty, maybe someday the pilots let you come up. Yeah, I'd like that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, over 50% of pilots have admitted to f- dozing off while flying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 31% said they woke up and their co-pilot was asleep too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was an Ethiopian flight, uh, back in August where they both fell asleep and missed. Just cause it's Ethiopian is funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, both pilots fell asleep and they missed their landing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, nothing happened. The alarm went off because they were on autopilot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they woke up and later, but they were both


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was on autopilot and then once they missed, when they start descending, the alarm went off and I guess that's what woke them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On long flights I learned, pilots, there's a secret area above them, above first class where pilots have beds and then go up there and sleep. Good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So airlines char- or airports charge landing fees to airlines. Uhm, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If every, every time a plane lands, but they have to pay the airplane a particular rate, like a JFK, it's $7 per thousand pounds of weight and a 777 airplane is 775,000 pounds. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One flight would be about $5,386 they have to pay to land their plane there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's how the main way airports make money, is by airlines have to pay them for something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my point. So that's why you should charge to get to land there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But to me, like, if you live in Nashville, hey Delta, there's a lot of people in Nashville, you wanna come here? Well, you gotta do something to get to come here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If airlines, uh, you know, birds crash in the windshield, so to test the windshield they fire, uh, dead chickens from a chicken gun into the windshield to see if it can withstand the dead chicken. Where are they getting all these dead chickens from? I guess a poultry place or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was a, there was a story about some guys that took a lunch break and then when they came back from lunch, they fired the gun and a cat had crawled in there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because of the dead chicken, and so it fired the cat, but according to Snopes, that's not a true story. It's just urban legend. I believe it's true.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like if it's really that important that it could interfere with communication, just


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They need to do something to make it where they're not just trusting you to put your phone in airplane mode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You met the guy who invented it, right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this week I'm in Atlanta at, uh, ASW Whiskey Exchange, uh, headline show there. So please come out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mizzen and Maine dress up with ease. Any other dress shirt just won't feel as good. So if you want the best cold weather clothing this holiday season, check out Mizzen and Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now if you go to mizzenandmain.com and use promo code Nate, you'll receive $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more. That is $35 off when you go to M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N.com and use our promo code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember a lot of bumper stickers of the kid from Calvin and Hobbs peeing on a Chevy logo. Yeah, that'd be a lot of that too. Yeah. Yeah. Felt like a bit much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a former NASCAR driver and the head coach at Alabama Airborne of Major League Football.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I kind of buried that in his Wikipedia page. I would lead with head coach of the oiler.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we get right in it. Here it is. It's a very small difference. Yea, I don't see the- Well- In God We Trust around the, uh, TriStar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, see that right there. Oh, here you go. If you got In God We Trust, it's three on the left and then four on the right. But if you don't...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, oh dude, this came up. So this is fun. A little podcast history here. This is a video by Sonny V2. I guess he's some big YouTube guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This video is 2.6 million views. It came out five days ago. You did an expose on Planet Fitness. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a guy named Sonny V2. He just makes random, you know, about 10 minute videos about different topics. And he did one about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How planet fitness became hated by the world. That's what it's called. So a bunch of people tagged me. They just include a clip of that video. It's so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not really hard to cancel, you just have to go in there. Yeaah. Which was kind of the whole point of my video at how, how easy it was, ultimately.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. That is a bold move, bringing a second date to your first open mic. Cause I can guarantee it did not go well. You know? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. It might've gone well, but it wasn't good. You know the difference?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, cursing because that's how they talk, but they're not talking about anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So would the move be to overfill your tires to account for this change in pressure?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actors say it's harder to fake laugh than fake cry. To really fake laugh well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Steve Carell does it great in the office. Everyone says like that, that is such a skill nobody talks about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We talked about this yesterday as you get older, you just start, you just stop caring about, you know, the small talk, stuff like that. And what would they have talked about? Where are you going to park?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With how much we travel, it's nice to have a shirt that you can just ball up, throw it in the suitcase, put your shoes on top of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't care because it's not going to get wrinkled. It's amazing to not to have to go to the dry cleaner. That's why you got to check out is in Maine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The inventors of the performance fabric dress shirt. They combine the comfort and flexibility of your favorite athletic wear. It's like you're playing golf, but you look like you're going to a wedding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They really are great shirts. I mean, look, I sound like I'm joking around, but I'm a big fan of these products. I can tell you firsthand, they are actually the best dress shirts that I've ever worn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you want the best cold weather clothing this holiday season, check out Mizzen and Maine right now. If you go to MizzenandMaine.com and use promo code Nate, you'll get $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's $35 off when you go to, spell it with me, M-I-Z-Z-E-N-A-N-D-M-A-I-N dot com and use our promo code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people say that if we had to pick one person to represent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The world to aliens, they pick the rock. I don't know if I'm in that crew, but no, that doesn't make sense. People say that, that it's a wrestler too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are they being sent to do? To negotiate peace talks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's when his presidency started to, once he admitted he'd seen it. Oh really? Yeah, they started trying to take him down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can we assume this will make things way easier? Can we assume that they have some kind of technology where language is not an issue? There's no language barrier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a name I've heard. I know that it's a clown, but I'm not familiar what it's from. I can't visualize it in my head. Is it just like a clown? Is it from a movie?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I definitely recognize Bozo the Clown. This is the quintessential Clown look.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the show Smallville, where it's about his teenage years, he plays on the football team. But he makes an agreement with his parents, if I remember correctly, maybe it's just with himself, he's like, I'm not gonna use my powers on the football field, cause I'll just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah. What am I even doing here? Yeah. One episode he gets the ball.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He runs like 50 miles away, saves somebody, and runs back so quick that they don't even recognize he's been gone in the play, and then scores a touchdown.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said, I'm looking forward to this, man. It's like, I'm looking forward to seeing if uh, who I am translates.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John and Clark. Does he have a name? Like a superhero name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why would he have to go to a phone booth to change if he's just wearing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if I were just changing into something that I'm wearing underneath this, I'd just take it off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Harry Potter, the third book of Harry Potter, one of the characters has a little device, a time turner, like an hourglass that you flip over and you just go back in time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's pretty important for that book, but then it's just never used again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And all the other books. It could solve literally any problem in the wizarding world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This came out 2010, so. July 8th. Very recent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A superhero. He's dubbed himself the Viper. He wears a green suit and a mask. No pictures of them in this article, which is pretty upsetting. That's good. I think he's, he's, he's doing a good job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in Zack Snyder's film, Man of Steel, they estimate that he caused $2 trillion worth of damage and killed 129,000 people. Wow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Does, does Bruce Wayne leverage any of his billions of dollars to like help improve the city that way? No, he just buys cars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well there's a, well there's a lot of, I have a lot of follow up questions before I decide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Can I, do I fly at the same speed that I run or how fast can I fly? Oh, like is it, if it's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I can fly, if I can only fly at the same speed that I walk, what's the point of that? I'll take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, uh, do you think the right amount of people identify as a follower?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I imagine there are more followers than those that would identify as a follower. It's like a pejorative phrase. Are you a leader or a follower? I guess I'm a leader, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like a negative connotation too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the hand is not in good shape either. I don't even want to zoom in on it. He hasn't been getting manicures.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He left his job, wife, and three children in 1970 to do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said it hurt a lot at first and then it just, now his arm just can't even move it at your feet. Stuck in that position.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just know it right away. That'd be very cool. And then I would be the guy that's sent to talk to the alien.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're nervous. You know, are you, or if you do flight, you know, we have planes. Does that make you nervous? If your thing is no, but that's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, in my, in my scenario, I'm the only one in the world that gets to pick a super. If everybody else gets super powers, I wouldn't pick that because then I'd feel left out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, well to build muscle there has to be resistance, right? But if you have infinite strength, then you wouldn't be ripped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rub on you though. Like physical things or a concept.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is more like the 50's. You can like erase happiness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At, uh, Lafayette's Music Room. I'm sure it's pronounced Lafayette, but from Alabama you say Lafayette. Lafette. Or Lafette.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lafette Music Room, and then, uh, that weekend, St. Paul, Minnesota.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Download the PrizePix app or go to prizepix.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports. First time users can receive


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code Nate. If you deposit $100, ProcessFix will give you $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you deposit 50, prize picks will give you 50. Don't forget to enter promo code Nate at signup for an instant deposit match up to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well last time you said that about Aaron, people believed it. Dusty even more so. I would say Dusty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One debated Christianity and he started throwing fists, throwing fists. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's perfect for you because it's easy reading and there's lots of pictures. And if you lose track, you can just look at whoever the picture is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my first weekend at the Comedy Catch in Chattanooga and it went great. Uh, lots of folks came out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First show Friday night, uh, I mean, I felt like I did really, really well. And then when I said good night, some people up front stood. And I was like, wow, I didn't, I guess I did even better than I thought. And then afterwards in line, they were like, we just did that. Cause you said on the podcast about not getting any standing elevation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it still looked good, and then Show 2, some people did it again, and by the next night people were over it, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have one breakfast moment where somebody, a folk said they saw it. I was sitting in the back, you know, the owner there, the comedy catch, just like, you know, you just want to earn their respect. And I feel like for 15 years, I've never got this respect and I had really good shows Friday night and good crowds. I'm like, man, but he still hadn't said a word to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I felt like nothing had changed. And then Saturday night, I'm sitting back there before the show and he comes over and he goes, Hey Brian, I'm thinking he's going to like, you killed it last night. You're doing a great job. And he's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the only thing he said to me all weekend. But somebody saw, I think that was very funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just asking because some people just aren't completely out. There's a couple ways you can do it, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was too and I freaked out. Really? It was my first time to ever be under anesthesia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I was so nervous about it. I was about to have a panic attack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the dentist, like they're hooking me up to an IV and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He said this to make me feel better, but it made me freak out more. He goes, I'm freaking ankles. Don't worry about 10 seconds. You're not going to know anything, but that made me freak out even more for about 10 seconds. And then I was out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would recommend it. They just think it's such an easy procedure that they're like, you don't need anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What didn't she, you used to have a joke about when she had hers done?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people loved it. A lot of people, uh, everyone agree with you about Gar, I look like Gar's from Wayne's World. A lot of people said I look like, uh, the woman from The Incredibles, Edna. Okay. Uh, they were, um, there she is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that photo of the kids dressed up as us, that was so cool. That was amazing. I saw that up here too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's, I think that's him. I think he did a two, or half of the band.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think there was more to it. He said his buddies now recovered and says it was just coincidence, but they feel like Robert did it to him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is often the Pacific Northwest, they think maybe Bigfoot has something to do with these people missing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I watched the ending last night. I think you just maybe chose not to get in the weeds of it. Just the broad strokes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, you've mentioned there would be blood numerous times, and people pointed out you don't like, uh, not character actors, but, uh, I'm losing the, what's the, when you're in the role, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you just kind of, like, as someone that just goes along with you, like, kitler's guys or shills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright guys, big Titans win this week. I got my Titan shirt on. We're five and two, rolling, doing good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a perfect time to play prize picks. Derrick Henry had over 200 yards rushing in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this weekend. So will he do it again? Well, go to prize picks and you can enter. That's the way to do it. Find out if he'll, it'll be more or less. That's the way to do it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they got a big game coming up this week against the Chiefs. So go in there, you can pick two to five players and they'll,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If they score more or less than their prize picks projections, you can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code Nate. If you deposit $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Prospects will give you $100. If you deposit $50, prospects will give you $50.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't forget to enter promo code Nate at signup for an instant deposit match up to $100.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well I know, but if you give money to that school, or in your case you actually played there, you can still say we now, correct?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He did it here at the exit end, it's in his book, Born Standing Up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to say it was McDonald's or something. After the show, he walked everyone down from exit in to McDonald's and just had everyone order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you talk about people forgetting more and you talk about in the book when you talk to Jim Carrey, who's another artist, he said 50 years from now, no one's going to remember our, everyone who knew us is going to be dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's perfect for him because that's one of the facts I have. He took so long to do the paintings that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It took him, I think, three years to do the Last Supper and fifteen years to do the Mona Lisa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a lot of numbers in my act. I force the audience to do math a lot. I had this joke where I said, when I was 18, uh, I was, I did this, this, this, and now I'm 18 times two. I'm 36 and blah, blah, blah. It was one of my better jokes. Then I turned 37 and I was like, wait.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And one of the most famous is, uh, George HW Bush because Dana Carvey played him so well that most people think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that's what they think of. A lot of that stuff that Dana Carvey did, George HW Bush never really even did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's just kind of fascinating. I was reading about their friendship and they had a great friendship and when


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, George H. W. Bush lost the election.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His staff were down and he called David Carrey and he asked him to come perform at the Christmas party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I was reading about, there's a, there's a term called flanderization, which is from Ned Flanders from The Simpsons, where basically characters evolve into a caricatures of themselves. He was just a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smart neighbor opposite Homer Simpson, but then he becomes this Bible thumper and now he's, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's a lot of characters like that. They talk about Creed from the office and Joy from France and stuff like that. But, uh, I really don't have any into this except, I thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not the not god, cause he can't, he was just like, not god, nah, he never said that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did that. I did just to try it out. It's a little creepy, but I wanted to try it. It's crazy dude. It's great. Did you have to tip? No, there's no tip. There's nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Learning a language is the only superpower you can actually learn. You need to get into Babbel. Save up to 60% off your subscription at babbel.com slash nate. That's babbel.com slash nate for up to 60% off the best language learning software in the world. Babbel, language for life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he were the head of NASA, that would be of concern probably, but he's a basketball player.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They look like pyramids, but they're actually, each side of it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see, each of these faces of the triangle is actually, uh, two, because you can't tell from a distance, but each of them go in a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe that's how they got to feel. Yeah, instead of a flat surface like this, they're kind of, they're bent in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of vandalism at the top of those pyramids because you used to be able to just climb them. If you're a tourist, you could just climb all the way up to the top. And I watched a video of a guy hang gliding over and he tried to get as close as he can and there's just all kinds of graffiti at the top. People carved in messages. All different languages. Bizarre. You can climb the pyramids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You used to be able to. Back in the 70s and 80s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, you can just walk up. You can. I mean, yeah, it's pretty steep, but it's just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you, I mean, I think you. It's like steps. It would be, it'd be difficult. It's hard to tell from far away, but close up it is just like, yeah, it's very, very narrow, steep steps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think if they humanize that person in that way, if they give them a backstory, they give you a reason to have an interest in this person, and that raises the stakes for everything. If you don't care whether this guy lives or dies,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's definitely a balance to strike. But ideally those things do nothing but raise the stakes and make you more invested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And in terms of the plot for a movie, it doesn't seem super heist, like now it would be, you gotta write $15 million in one week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like a first grade teacher and he's 400 pounds of muscle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean this guy at the end here, uh, and these are, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they're big and they're younger than me. And they're just like, y'all are just built different, man. You're just built. They hold their drinks better than you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're, you know, 6'4", 6'5", some of them taller than that. And they're all in great shape too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It does. You know, I'm not happy with the way most of my shirts fit. Thanks, Dusty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think whoever designed that shirt would like me to be, like the, you know, the, the ratio of my width to heights to be a little different. Yeah. That's what we're dealing with. Yeah. It's like, what do you want us to do, man? And he goes, are you seeing what I'm working with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's awesome, man. Yeah, it's fun. I had one cool moment like that when I got fitted for my wedding tux.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got, I got fitted a few months out and then they said, come in the week of and get fitted. And that was when I had just started to kind of lose weight. And when I showed up for the second fitting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guy like measured me and then he was like looking at the form. I think they wrote this down. I think I got somebody else's.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Than, than I did in the show. I think so. The show's great by the way. The show's out now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's going to be fun. We talked a little bit about that. My high school physics teacher listens to this podcast. Oh, Mr. Diamond. Great teacher. Cool guy. Good name. So we might have to consult him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't heard of that. It's the thinking that if you don't do that, they're just going to leave the sheets. It sounds like he might.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dusty got me doing that. I didn't even know you could do that or that was something you should do. Now I always try to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, just there. I think anything probably helps. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I went to a Mariners game in Seattle and I got food at the concession stand and the employee turns the iPad around, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the tip comes up, she goes, just hit zero because we don't get any of the tips. It all goes to the stadium.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. And she was telling everybody hit zero because we don't get any of these tips. I was like, well, that's insane. I would have left a tip if I thought it was going to you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is what we talked about on, I think, one of the last podcasts. How do they know the heights of these? Yea, last week's Colorado. Yea, this is basic trigonometry here. If you know how far away you are from it, and you know the angle at which you're looking at the peak,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can determine the height using trigonometry. Yeaah, you can get close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's saying you're one hour outside of that cell is also by yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can't you catch it off of, off the ground too? Or is that arena football? That's rugby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was one branch of professional football where you could catch the ball off a hop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can get like a running start too before the snap. There's a lot of weird stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one laid down though, I guess, huh? Well that's, yeaah, this is, yeaah, the person did nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing. She jumped. No, she jumped. The other two didn't. I'm saying the person that did nothing. I was never suggesting you do nothing. I'm saying you get down on the ground.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you know, I like to hear that. Yeah. Three floors though. You know, I think if it's 20 floors up, it's a different story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For all your summer travels, whether you're going abroad or staying domestic and want to immerse yourself in the culture, now is the perfect time to start babble. My brother-in-law is getting married in Brazil next summer, and you know what they speak in Brazil?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Portuguese. I need to brush up on Portuguese and I'm gonna be taking some lessons on Babel. You only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson. You can start having real life conversations in a new language in as little as three weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These other software you have heard of, they use AI for their lesson plans, not Babel. It's a real person who speaks the language. Not just Portuguese, obviously. You can do Spanish, French, Italian, German.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 14 different languages to choose from. Start your new language learning journey today with Babbel right now.


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[Assistant] You can save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to babble.com slash Nate. That's babble.com slash Nate for up to 60% off your subscription. Babble. Language for life.


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[Assistant] I appreciate it. It's nice to have this side of the table. There's a real brotherhood over here. I don't know what's going on on the other side of this table, but we're together, you know?


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[Assistant] Maybe I'm a good tracker. You have to bring somebody else in to do the work. That's true.


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[Assistant] Yeah. You've done a bunch of research about Smith College. Yeah. It's like serial killer without killing.


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[Assistant] It'll almost be reckless not to. You know, for a woman. For safety reasons. Let's see what this guy's all about.


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[Assistant] Golden dome of, well, I have always said Southern Union is the Notre Dame of Alabama.


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[Assistant] Oh really? Yeaah. So that's how they calculate what an 18 is. So it's 36 is. Oh. What'd you get? Perfect. I don't remember what I got.


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[Assistant] Uh, I took them both, but the ACT was the one that went better. So that's the one.


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[Assistant] High of 34? No, no. I think I got like a 32 on it. Wow. That's great. Which was...


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[Assistant] I had that moment with athletics. I went to a lineman camp at Western Kentucky when I was in high school.


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[Assistant] And I remember the strength and conditioning coach of Western Kentucky. He kept walking up to people and asking, how hot is your urine?


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[Assistant] And I remember him asking that to me and I'm like, I just not, I can't do this, man. I don't want to scream how hot my urine is. I go, I admire these guys. These guys are just built different for me. I'm not going to succeed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I respect the people that do have it. And I just remember thinking, this just isn't for me. Like I can't, I'm just not that guy who can scream about his urine to other guys. What about hot urine makes you tough?


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[Assistant] He was succeeding at the college. He just had to...


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[Assistant] It can be one year, it depends on the program.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's like Scientology. You pay a little bit more. We'll reveal the real secrets.


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[Assistant] Like, there's still more to uncover, it's pursuing it more, it's you write these.


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[Assistant] Theses and you do your own work and try to contribute to the field in some way and then you earn your post-doctorate.


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[Assistant] That's a lot of, people do do a lot of that with internships and things. You have real world experience with what you're learning.


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[Assistant] Talking about in terms of the number of kids that go there. Enrolled there, yeah. Michigan. UCF. Oh.


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[Assistant] And then they take out, yeah, massive loans that just, for decades.


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[Assistant] Notre Dame. University of Notre Dame. All right.


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[Assistant] Yeah. The irony of it is the safest thing to do for your head would be to get rid of the helmets completely on us.


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[Assistant] I think the pessimist in me thinks football will not be around in 15, 15 years.


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[Assistant] 15, 20 years, I think it's gonna be, if it is still around, it's gonna be drastically different than it is now. It's gonna be some sort of, yeaah, some sort of watered down version of it.


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[Assistant] I'm trying to enjoy it while I can. I just think the more we learn about what it does to people, it's not good. It's not good for you.


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[Assistant] Do you remember this? I do remember. I was young, but I remember it being a big deal. Then Charlie Weiss came after that. No, Ty Willingham came after it. Okay. I think, yeah.


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[Assistant] Even if just by telling the truth, you'd have to explain more, then that's lazy to just be like, I'll just lie. I don't have to explain.


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[Assistant] Awesome. This weekend I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma at the Looney bin tonight, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.


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[Assistant] Visit athleticgreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. That's athleticgreens.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] If people around that guy can't pay attention, then it hurts Nick. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.


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[Assistant] It's been, it's been heavy. It's been heavy on me. So thank you ADD 0128 for bringing that up.


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[Assistant] In condescending, if we learned from the last podcast, invaluable means the most valuable. So in condescending means the most condescending you can be. Like there's not even a value to the amount of condescension.


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[Assistant] Well, if dinosaurs existed, Godzilla, I believe Godzilla could have existed.


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[Assistant] I mean, he's essentially a dragon. Am I right? Mhm. Mhm. I don't know why we're calling it Godzilla. He's a dragon.


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[Assistant] Yo, when a show's crushing and you're like able to just keep, I mean it's like that re- you can really get into a rhythm. Like if I'm up at- up there and it's like, it's going okay.


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[Assistant] The rhythm is not the same as if it's just crushing and you're like just able to just roll with it and it is a fun rhythm.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, unless there's like, sometimes my show I do in Nashville, my opening set, I'll host that show, so I'll go up and sometimes I'll be like, I'm just gonna mess around a little bit. And if that's going well,


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[Assistant] It's amazing. You're like, oh, this is awesome. But I have gone up and been like, I'm going to mess around a little bit and no one laughs at any of the things I'm doing. And it can be a little panic where I'm like, oh no, let's do some jokes. Let's do some jokes we know.


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[Assistant] But it's like, you don't go, well, there's some poop back here.


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[Assistant] Be pretty funny if in some way she can't, but in some way she could see them and go, and then that homeless guy didn't take the pennies from them. She's like, why'd that guy just put all those pennies in my grave?


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[Assistant] They probably used to make things back in the day. It was probably a real tribute. Now we're like, here's a penny Krista taking up room in my pocket here.


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[Assistant] It's not a puppet, like a full on animatronic puppet is what I mean. No, I think a guy is in there. So what's he on stilts? Or does his head not go all the way up? I think his head.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Did they give him a, a space suit? Was he gonna have his own helmet and what not? Yeah, I just looked. I couldn't find...


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, who knows what's out there. You know, sometimes they'll be like, they act like we've discovered everything and then they'll be like, discovered a new species. And it's like, okay, so you haven't discovered everything. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah. But still wanna continue to live that lie. Yep. That we know what everything is.


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[Assistant] I know that you guys have already done an episode on this, so I'm just gonna ask, but it's like.


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[Assistant] Isn't the way to get cold ketchup just to put it in the refrigerator.


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[Assistant] Like you don't really need a special kind of cold ketchup