[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I know Darren. Oh, you do? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, Darren's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, except they don't have cameras facing the audience. That shot is always from the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was there with you, Nick Novicki came down and did a guest set and we were out there and some drunk lady asked him if she could pick him up. Yeah. It was just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was gone even when I took it, but as far as a dead language, but it just died out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, on a episode before you were here, we showed a clip from, I guess their podcast, where they, he said Nate is the most confident or competent, depending on how you heard it, sitter of anyone he's ever seen. Wow. What do you think? That's all. They played footage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was just going to say, can I say how much I think your reading has improved since this podcast started? Thanks. You're really nailing it these days. It's kind of less fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you were in, I think it was South Dakota, did you get a chance to ride that haunted elevator? Probably not. No. I was wondering here if you saw the guy who fell down the shaft, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I want to do it in real time. Back in my day, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault live on television and it backfired on him. There was nothing in there, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Hirado, he's still around, he's still doing good. He's still doing stuff. He's still out there. And a lot of people said, why didn't he get a- He looks good too. He looks the same. He's in tremendous shape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of people question why I didn't get a deeper tub to do the experiment in, which would in retrospect would have been better since it didn't work, but I was trying to find a clear tub so the cameras could actually see


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drinks going in. I don't have a larger clear tub. So that's the reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And convenient. If you're hearing this ad, we've got some good news for you. That means you're alive!


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[Assistant] So you're still got time to get life insurance with Ethos. Get life insurance in 10 minutes for as little as $10 a month. Join the thousands of satisfied families protecting, protected with health from, help from Ethos. We've given the company a 4.8 star rating on Google review. Every year you wait


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[Assistant] Life insurance premiums increased by 8 to 10 percent. Get a free personalized quote at ethoslife.com slash nate. That's spelled E-T-H-O-S life dot com slash nate.


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[Assistant] Ethos Technology Incorporated operates in California as Ethos Life Insurance Services.


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[Assistant] Not available in all states and prices subject to underwriting and certain health questions.


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[Assistant] A lot of people asked in the, about the language episode, why wasn't babble?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of our ad reads that have been a perfect fit. It would have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know, you guys know how Babbel, why it's called Babbel?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the Bible, they were building a tower up to heaven and, uh, God mixed up all their languages to confuse them to stop the project.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This week for Halloween, we're talking about horror movies and spooky stories. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almost anything you google, what's the best this, what's the best that, you're gonna get varied answers. But when I look up what's the best horror movie of all time, almost every list had the same answer. You wanna guess?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Exorcist. Yeah, I think it won an Academy Award, like it like took it to another level as far as not just scary, but like well-made and stuff like that. So, uh, most polls show like The Exorcist is the best haunted movie of all time, but then there's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're listing all the schools that MTSU plays and that Vanderbilt maybe gets a win against.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, they, uh, they hooked up heart monitors and, and, uh, they said prevent audience fatigue. They didn't do like screening after screening after screening cause they didn't feel like they'd be fair. You'd be tired after multiple movies. So they spread it out, but this is their list of the scariest movies out there. Some of these I've heard of some I haven't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The conjuring I know, heredity. Yeah, you just blew it. What's host?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's a low budget slasher movie and it says people are fainting and vomiting at the screenings. They've had to have people on medical personnel there because of the graphic violence and brutal depictions of horror.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Angela Johnson, I hope she didn't mind me telling her, she had a podcast about ghost hunting and then she said she heard a voice come through on her headphones saying Angela and she stopped doing it. She's like, they're getting too close to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they did a, uh, we talked about in the Dakota episode, the Mount Rushmore's everything. Mount Rushmore of horror characters. And there's three that was kind of across the board. The fourth one, people had varying opinions on who should be the fourth character in Mount Rushmore. Candyman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in the movie Scream, the guy who voices Ghost Face, they never let the actors meet him because they, Wes Craven, the director thought it'd be scarier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you really don't even know who this voice is, and they never even heard his voice until they did the actual scenes, which is pretty smart, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Drew Barrymore was supposed to play Nev Campbell's lead role. Did you know this? I think I did. Yeaah, and then she, last minute she backed out. I think she had other things, but she's like, put me in it, just at the beginning. And still tease me that I'm in it. And, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What about like these Jordan Peele movies? Uhm, I saw the first one that he did. Get out? Yea, get out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm not, I don't do scary movies. I saw Halloween for the first time in a drive-in theater in the dark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love your passion for it. It's this life way people talk about their children. I'm never going to stop. I'm always going to love it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, psychologists have looked at why we like horror movies, uhm, and they say that it raises, it's called excitation transfer theory. It raises arousal and excitement and fear, builds up tension, and then once it's over,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a euphoric relief, like, ah, I did it, I survived, I made it. So the release, they say, is why people...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Enjoy horror movies. That feeling. That's why people come to my comedy shows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Recent studies show that people who are distressed about COVID-19...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of horror movies that were based somewhat off of real stuff. A couple of surprised me here. Child's play with Chuckie. That's based off a story about a guy in


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, who claimed that one of his family servants placed a voodoo curse on his childhood toy, Robert the doll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dahl would mysteriously move from room to room, knock furniture over and conduct conversations with this guy. Then he left it in the attic.


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[Assistant] And then when he died in 1974, the new boners moved in and they also claimed mysterious activities would happen connected to the doll.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now the doll is in display at the Custom House, an old post office in Key West, Florida.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this one spr- Nightmare on Elm Street. Based on the true story. Uhm, so there was some-


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[Assistant] Despite his family's insistence that he needed to sleep.


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[Assistant] They say how he died or? They did autopsy. They couldn't explain the cause of death. I don't know. Yeah. That's terrifying. Yeah. So think about that when you go to sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he didn't say. He may have. Here's a few spooky stories that are real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Since 2007, feet have been washing up on shore in Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In northwest, uh, Pacific Northwest of the United States, with feet in shoes, no body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been like 23 of them that have washed up. So they're speculating what's going on here. And, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some people think it came from the tsunami, that the really bad one that happened in Asia, because all the shoes were manufactured before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, 2004, uh, some people think maybe people jumped to their death and... It's feet in the shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And they wash up on shore and they've been gradually happening for, for years now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, the latest one I read, uhm, says that they think now, uhm, it was people who like committed suicide, jumped off a bridge, something like that, and uhm, and then,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fish or whatever, eat them. The shoes nowadays are made are much more durable than shoes of the past and they don't be.


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[Assistant] Decomposed, is that the correct word? So therefore that's why you're now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the past, the shoes would decompose and the fish would eat the feet or whatever.


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[Assistant] Let's talk about this for a little bit. Well, there's a, I mean, there are stories out there and it's gone over, over 15, 20 years.


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[Assistant] That was thrown out to even that Malaysian flag, but it happened I think before that.


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[Assistant] But how did they disappear? Could it be a serial killer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's that big garbage pail, you know, out in the ocean that's swirling the size of Texas or something. Maybe they get, I'm not telling how many feet are in there.


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[Assistant] And it kind of just swirls, so it kind of stays in place. I mean that picture with that boat shows it a little bit bigger than my front yard, but I think overall it's, isn't it like the size of a...


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[Assistant] Finders keepers. I think it floats from everywhere like Asia, US, and it kind of gets caught in a current and well there it is and just doesn't move. Oh they each, we each have our own. They've got their own. My mistake.


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[Assistant] Nothing else was disturbed, just a big pile of ashes.


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[Assistant] Yea, sure. Bermuda's a part. No, it's the opposite. Bermuda's like, why do we have to take all the blame? Throw Miami and San Juan in there. Nobody wants to come to Bermuda because of the train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think some of them just disappear. Interesting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, you two together on the front lines. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] This, well anyway, this woman spontaneously can butt. They think maybe she took sleeping pills. She was known for that. They think maybe she was so passed out she smoked a cigarette that somehow it fell in her nightgown. They said she was a kind of large woman. They said fat can burn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For a long time, and they think maybe she just burned up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they said as she was known, known user of sleeping pills, they hypothesized she had fallen unconscious while smoking and set fire to her night clothes.


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[Assistant] I'll do a couple more. There's a woman who, uh, her coworker was murdered and then she started having dreams where the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where the murder victim came to her in her dreams and told her who did it and explained how it happened.


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[Assistant] And then her husband overheard her like in her sleep telling all this stuff. So he finally encouraged her, go to the police and tell them.


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[Assistant] So she goes to the police, tells them, and at first they're very skeptical, but then she has so much detail that only, you know, how would they know this? How would she know this? So they finally started looking into it, the guy who she said, uh, killed her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they found, uh, the victim's jewelry on that guy's wife that he'd given her and he finally confessed to the murder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man. So apparently she visioned her, visited her in her dreams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, some Russian hikers that were all found dead in, in the, in the woods and they had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could tell they'd cut their way out of their sleep or, or their tent. Like they were trying to escape their tent. They were all cut up. They were some, one of them was missing a tongue.


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[Assistant] What happened to all these guys that made them like run from inside their tent?


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[Assistant] And there's different speculation about what it was that happened, but, uh, some doc, a documentary filmmaker presented a theory


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[Assistant] About a phenomenon called infrasound is basically where it's a tone made by the wind that causes you to go crazy and delusional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they've tested this on people before. It's like a low infrared sa- not infrared, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, well you can't really hear it, but it still affects your brain. It makes you go crazy. So they think...


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[Assistant] It's an extreme bass sound that produces a range of bizarre effects in people including anxiety, sorrow, and chills.


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[Assistant] I think, I don't know how serious they took this documentary guy. I looked up an article last night and said, uh, they probably were just an avalanche killed them and they felt it, heard it coming and they were just trying to get, get out of their tents. And then after they're all dead, animals eventually will come and shred you up, including eating your tongue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Pollock Sisters, they were, that's just their last name. Oh, it was? Yeah. It's not a joke. Start of a nineties joke.


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[Assistant] I hope I am at this point to try to save myself. Guys, I'm one of you, come on! Alright, the, uh, Pollock sisters, that makes much more sense. They, uh, both died and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, their parents then had, uh, two other little girls, and these little girls knew all the stuff that their older sisters knew, they knew their favorite toys, they knew all the stuff that


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. As, as the two previous girls. Oh, so the two girls died? Yeah, the two little girls died and then this couple had two more little girls and they knew everything about the previous girls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 15 members of the Beatrice Westside Baptist Church were all known for being promptly on time for recital or choir practice. Known for their timeliness, but on this day they were all running late, every single one of them, all for very different reasons.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But not, one of them was there on time when a natural gas leak caused explosion of the church. Even Snopes says this is real. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's crazy. Intervention. I wanted to say God's intervention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just the choir members. Oh. 15 members of the choir, so it's probably a big church.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So a lot of people died. No, no, no. It was like, uh, when nobody, when church wasn't in session, they were going there for practice. Maybe it was Sunday afternoon or another day of the week.


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[Assistant] I'm, uh, I'm at the comedy catch this weekend in Chattanooga. I've been going there for 15 years as a MC and feature. And this weekend I'm headlining for the first time. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. Come, come help me make it work.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a guy that messes, he's coming to my show one night and you're showing the other night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And a lot of people said band. Uh, Brian Aaron Dusty, Brian Aaron Nate Dusty. Oh wow. That's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Listen to the new Audible original, Summer in Argyle, created and written by Nate Odenkirk and Emmy Award winner Bob Odenkirk. You'll be in stitches from performances by a cast that includes comedy greats, David Cross, Tim Robinson, Paul F. Tompkins, and more. Listen now at audible.com slash summer in Argyle.


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[Assistant] Life is busy and your well-being is important. Athletic Greens makes it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day with just one scoop.


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[Assistant] Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Visit AthleticGreens.com slash Nate for a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. That is AthleticGreens.com slash Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A two liter bottle of Pepsi is worth two points. Twelve pack of cans yielded five points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So if you're, if you buy those points, that's what? 10, 10, that's 700,000. 7 million and 10 cents. There.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't have a name on here. Oh, Leonard, some guy named Leonard. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For all the stuff that they produce, I'm guessing, all the Apple TV and all the movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know if I see a bad guy on a Mac and I think, man, that Mac must be bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what he did was he said look it's gonna cost four million dollars to drink enough pepsi to earn that organically.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What he did was he just raised money, bought the points, like we said, 700,000.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a great interviewer too. He has really good questions. And you see people try to answer them while they're dealing with the hot sauce. And so like all the, the fake phony media training just fades away. And you're like, Oh, I'm actually hearing this person talk. It's pretty awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's a good example. You get cross this out. If you just scribbled through, I mean, clearly see, but if you write other letters over it, your brain can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you heard this new, this new thought experiment going around the internet? I've been obsessed with Usain Bolt versus Joey chestnut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to eat one hot dog and then run a hundred meters. Who wins?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're probably the tallest person to ever live in Copenhagen and vacation to Maryland.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's parts of it that are okay. That's just a funny place. You live in Denmark. There's parts that are okay. Let's go to them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get that seat with no seats in front of you. Yeaah. On the Southwest flight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tallest Nate land fan that I know of. If you're taller than six, nine, let us know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's from a gothic metal band, type O negative. He's 6'8", he's got you beat by one inch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's probably a loose definition of singing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] More fun to just not, to just leave it open-ended. Sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know what the appellate courts are, it's for appeals. Oh. That's what the word means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The heart beat away. By the way, the biggest opera singer I can find.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is, is, uh, Boris Godunov at the Metropolitan Opera. He's a Finnish bassist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a base there, 6'7, 260. So the fact that this other person, uh, perjelum, is 6'9 in the tenor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strong case for the tallest tenor because I can't find anybody else taller.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there wasn't an opportunity for me to say something bad about him.


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[Assistant] When your brain needs to cool off. I like that. That's a good way. That's a good way to say it. Your brain working too hard out there in the real world. Yeah. Come wind down with Nate Land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever see the movie My Left Foot with Daniel Dayless? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't, I don't think it's count. But it's about a guy who only has, only has control of one foot, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I've read stories about when he was preparing for that role, he would live like that with only his left foot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all part of it. We'll count all those as doors. I still think wheels wins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the fact that Lego makes 100 million wheels a year has to make them a favorite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever say something wrong and then you realize it, but it's too late to correct it. So you just pretend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spelled like race car. It's like spelled the same forward and backwards. Yeah. Oh yeah. Demetri Martin has the world record for longest palindrome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said ISIS was? I said it's palindromic, yeaah. And it's not, I mean it's clearly not. CC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Drive coming up. I'm excited to listen to this, the new audible original summer in Argyle created and written by Nate Odenkirk and his father Emmy award winner, Bob Odenkirk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's an all time great in the industry for sure. Popping your earbuds, visit the town of Argyle, Ohio. It's a place that celebrates the spirit of close enough and enjoys both an annual hot dog eating contest and an annual murder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Explore the town's hotspots like the DMV. That's also a fancy restaurant in the world's largest lost and found.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or get stitched up by the local surgeon who's also a magician. This sounds like a lot of fun. You got performances from a cast that includes comedy greats like David Cross, Tim Robinson, Paul F. Tompkins, and more. Listen to this. This is one hot dog murder comedy with everything on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit audible.com slash Summer in Argyle and listen now. Hashtag Summer in Argyle. That sounds like great. I want to check that out this weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And finally, we all have a new routine. It's a product we use every day. It's athletic greens. None of us eat very well. Me better than these two guys, but we're all looking for simple ways to try to be more healthy. This is a great way to start every morning. You just take a little bit of that powder, scoop it out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put it in the water bottle, shake it up, drink it. You don't have to eat anything healthy for the rest of the week. That's the way I've been using it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Taste is great, easy to make, drink quickly, uh, contains less than one gram of sugar. I'm worried about sugar. No GMOs, no nasty chemicals or artificial anything. And if you get a subscription, it'll come with a year's supply of vitamin D.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is very, very important. So, right now, it is time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient daily nutrition. One scoop and a cup of water every day. That's it!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health. To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you got to do is go to athleticgreens.com slash nate. Again, that is athleticgreens.com slash nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a weird moment. Nate just accepted a Grammy on behalf of Yo-Yo Ma. Yeah. I go think about just that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It feels like it'd be really fun to pop your head in this world every now and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A woman on the elevator did. She started to have trouble.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And me and Matt Taylor, the other comic that are with me, we were both trying to play it cool, but as soon as we got off, we were like, dude, I was freaking out. I mean, it is, it was stressful. How long, 20 minutes? About 20 minutes. Yeah. What is the lady just going crazy? She, when they said fire department? Yeah. And we didn't even know where we were because the, like, it didn't show what floor you're on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And what do they do? They said we have to reset the elevator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which I stopped, I was like, what does that mean? Cause that doesn't sound good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they just had to turn them all off and turn them all back on where they all go down to the first floor. And, uh, we were just on there for awhile.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it got to a point where I was like, I guess we should introduce ourselves. Like I'm Aaron, we all met each other and then they had like some whiskey in their backpack. Cause it was, there's a whiskey convention going on. So there we might as well break this out now. We're stuck on here, you know, kind of fun in retrospect. Once I know that I was safe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Brian and I co-headlined in there, very exciting. And Salt Lake City. And Salt Lake City.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Indeed's instant match, over 90% of employers get quality candidates as soon as they sponsor their job post.


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[Assistant] Start hiring right now with a $75 sponsored job credit to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com slash Nate. Offer valid through April 30th. Go to Indeed.com slash Nate to claim your $75 credit before April 30th. Need to hire? You need Indeed.


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[Assistant] Life insurance gives you peace of mind and you can trust Policy Genius. They don't add on extra fees or sell your info to third parties. Head over to policygenius.com slash nate to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save at policygenius.com slash nate.


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[Assistant] And finally, NateLand is brought to you by MasterClass. Learn from the pros and get unlimited access to every class. Right now, get 15% off annual membership at MasterClass.com slash Nate. That's MasterClass.com slash Nate for 15% off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He gives off East Coast vibes to you? Yea, a little bit. I don't know if I'm getting that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, okay. I'm going Texas. That's my pick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amazing. About to be the best four years of your life, dude. This is it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have fun. The most fun. Maybe not the happiest, but the most fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. You think there's a difference? That's what I think that's part of getting older is I'm learning there's a difference. See you buddy. See you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was you trying to pronounce expenditure. Oh, expenditure. Yeah. Yeah. Expendent expenditure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna watch this commercial about it or are you gonna talk about it first?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, here he is paper blowing in the classroom. He shows up with a.


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[Assistant] What's on the, when you drive past Lebanon on the interstate, what's on the attraction sign on the side of the interstate? You know those big blue signs? Attractions. Pilots.


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[Assistant] That's unbelievable. Isn't that movie supposed to be real bad too? I dunno. Is it out? I think it's out.


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[Assistant] I think, uh, I don't know, Phil, but I think Al Madrigal is in it. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I heard he was great. I wasn't.


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[Assistant] I remember years and years ago as a kid, we all went to a football game as a family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we got home, we were sitting in the living room. Somebody was like, where's Daniel? It's my youngest brother. My dad was like, oh.


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[Assistant] He just totally forgot him at the game. Had to drive back. He was just walking around alone in the dark. He's like seven years old.


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[Assistant] It's such a big problem. Did you order fake snakes on Amazon or something?


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[Assistant] And if you go to Arlington, well that's Arlington, Virginia. So that's right across. Yeah. You would say the DC area, right? It didn't, I understand where Maryland is relative to DC. Doesn't sound like you do. It's on the same coast.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we need a bit of a screening process here. Just take a random weirdo.


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[Assistant] Is a little closer than you think. I've been wanting, Aaron Sorkin did a writing one.


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[Assistant] He talked a lot about writing the West Wing. If you're a West Wing fan, you like writing, it is very, very cool. You got a whole, a whole library of video. You can do it from your phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your computer, smart TV, offering classes on a wide variety of topics, all taught by world class masters at the top of their fields. Whatever you're interested in, there is a master class for you. I highly recommend you check it out. Get unlimited access to every master class. And as a Nate Lane listener, because you're already an expert,


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[Assistant] You get 15% off an annual membership. Go to masterclass.com slash Nate now. That's masterclass.com slash Nate for 15% off masterclass.


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[Assistant] I've talked to you guys a lot about this. I've used indeed for both as a guy looking for a job and as a guy hiring.


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[Assistant] It is the best tool to find talented people for your business. Uh, whether you're assembling, you know, the right skills at your company, you need all the help you can get. That's Indeed. And Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applications that meet your must have requirements or else you don't pay if you don't get somebody good.


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[Assistant] You don't pay with instant match. As soon as you put a post up, you get a short list of quality candidates. Do you see their resume? See if they match your job description. You can invite them to apply right away. You do the interviews right through it. It's a one stop shop to find all the talented people you need.


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[Assistant] So, start hiring right now with a $75 sponsored job credit to upgrade your job post at Indeed.com slash Nate.


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[Assistant] Offer valid through April 30th. Go to Indeed.com slash Nate to claim your $75 credit before April 30th. Indeed.com slash Nate. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed.


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[Assistant] And finally, Nate Land is brought to you by Policy Genius. I need to get this set up. I have like done no adult stuff.


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[Assistant] I'm married now, I got a house, I gotta get on this. It's the one stop shop to find the insurance you need at the right price. Go to policygenius.com slash nate, answer a few questions, you'll get some personalized quotes from top companies to find the lowest price. You could save 15%, 50.


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[Assistant] They don't add on extra fees. They don't sell your info to other companies. I'm always worried about that. They keep it on the DL. They have options that offer coverage in as little as a week and avoid unnecessary medical exams. You don't have to tell them how much you weigh.


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[Assistant] That's big for me. Go to policygenius.com slash Nate to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Policygenius.com


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean that does, when you go to the doctor, you're like, I'll do it. But you're like, man, I hate that there's going to weigh me. I'm going in for like a cold and they're like, let's weigh.


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[Assistant] I don't know, I haven't been under 200 since probably sophomore year high school.


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[Assistant] And if you're doing it over zoom, you've got a million built in excuses. I think it cut out there for a second.


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[Assistant] It's something based on, uh, whenever the Pope wants to do it. No, we didn't talk about this on the calendar episode.


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[Assistant] Is it something to do with the sun? Isn't it the moon? Okay. Okay. So I'm not far.


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[Assistant] Well, I know enough. I got some stuff to pull up, but I also like a little lively discussion about it. Come on, Brian.


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[Assistant] As far as seeing it. You know, it's a full moon tonight. You're like, well, that looks like a thumbnail up there. Like, yeah, but it's clear skies.


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[Assistant] A gap of seven to eight years between the Ethiopian and Gregorian calendars result from an alternative calculation in determining the date of the annunciation.


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[Assistant] We can't even agree on that. It's not a good sign. So what, what does that mean? Results from the enunciation, the enunciation of Jesus.


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[Assistant] Yeah, they had a different calculation for when that happened.


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[Assistant] You've heard it like it's the resurrection enunciation. Yeah. I guess the assumption.


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[Assistant] Did you guys do Lent? Do you do Lent right now? Is that just a Catholic?


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[Assistant] That's what it turns into. We did it real strictly as kids, but I don't know. I just stopped caring about it as much.


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[Assistant] Now you can tell, you can always tell when Easter's coming up because you start seeing on TV, start seeing commercials for the Filet-O-Fish. Oh, really? And McDonald's. That's why they started selling that.


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[Assistant] Catholics are not supposed to eat meat on Fridays during Lent, so they start pushing that fish.


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[Assistant] We got to give them, yeah, we got to let them know we have a meat free delicious option here and all the other fast food restaurants started following suit.


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[Assistant] Then, then just Catholics, but all Christians together. Probably. Probably. I think there's more. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Essentially, yeaah. Yeaah. We're going the same way. Yeaah. Y'alls might be in different cars.


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[Assistant] And pretend that you went to mass that day. That's pretty smart. I bet people could do it. Thought of doing that. Yeah. They take the, the palms, Palm Sunday.


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[Assistant] Where they give everybody palms at mass and then they burn those palms and that's where the ash comes from for Ash Wednesday, the next year. Yeah. Oh, the next year. Yeah. So that's like palm ash that you're putting on your, putting on your forehead.


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[Assistant] Okay, in Christianity, Holy Wednesday commemorates the bargain of Judas by a clandestine spy among the disciples. It is also called Spy Wednesday or Good Wednesday or Great and Holy Wednesday. Yeah, Spy Wednesday sounds the best. Sounds the best.


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[Assistant] I don't think it's like a fun day, no. None of these, holy week, none of these days are that fun.


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[Assistant] What he sacrificed. Right. It was what he did. It was ultimately good. It is always funny the name though, cause it's like the worst thing that could happen. Well, it's a good Friday.


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[Assistant] Right. You can still have your party, but let's, uh, it's fun to look at something good here.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Where did it, where are the, where's the Easter bunny get the eggs from?


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[Assistant] I think a couple mammals do, it's not, it's not a crazy thought.


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[Assistant] So marsupial, yea, platypus, uuuh, they lay eggs.


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[Assistant] Interesting. You can still kind of see that because the Easter baskets are like usually wicker baskets that look like nests and then that green stuff on the inside looks like.


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[Assistant] It makes me think of a nest. Yeah. I guess it is grass. I thought it was like a nest thing.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Well, or maybe the right direction, you know, maybe you've reprioritized things in your life.


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[Assistant] It surprises me that Easter is bigger than Valentine's day for candy. I probably would have bet my life that Valentine's day was two.


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[Assistant] No, this is the guy up the street, but I'm saying that I'd even, you're, you don't even come out in the black if you're only getting five bucks now.


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[Assistant] It's like musical chairs, but the winner gets to eat. And the rest of the kids just starve.


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[Assistant] Take the head off first, dehumanize it as quickly as possible.


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[Assistant] Aggressive boss. Yeah. What do you do? Start at the toes and just torture it to death.


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[Assistant] I go right in. It's like, it's, it's what's the most humane way to put down a lananum. You just gotta bite it off at the neck.


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[Assistant] I will say the, those variations of the candy bars for the Easter, they do them for Christmas too, the different shapes. I think they taste better. I don't know what it is.


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[Assistant] I think in like the Reese's, that's in the shape of an egg, that's better than a regular


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[Assistant] Yeah, Catholics were big on, uh, man, we love relics and stuff like that.


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[Assistant] That's fair. We love things. You've kept them better, I'll say that. Yeah. I remember my mom had a necklace with a little piece of a saint's tooth in it.


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[Assistant] I don't know if non-Catholics are doing that. You wouldn't have a necklace with somebody's tooth.


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[Assistant] I think you covered just about everything, man. I think I'm, I'm ready.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Well, it's a holiday right there. Oh, commemorates the battles of Lexington Concord. Okay. All right. It's a Revolutionary War thing.


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[Assistant] But you know, the annoying part of the extension is you still have to tell them.


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[Assistant] What you're going to have to pay them. They will give you an extension, but like, what are you going to owe us?


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[Assistant] I don't know. That's why I'm extending this because I don't feel like doing it. Yeah. I do it almost every year because I forget until it's too late. I go, I need that extension. But they go, you still got to tell us what like, what's going to happen. And I go, I haven't done it yet. So you just guess. And then you got to, you're talking.


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[Assistant] They did. Yeah, they gave him an exemption cause he was out of the country. Yeah. That's the exception. Is that what they said? Did you know that? I know it from the movie. We watched it.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's when things are going bad, he calls in and he's like, Hey, they're going to give you an extension, Jack, because you are most decidedly out of the country. Yeah. That's funny. It's a good moment.


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[Assistant] Or some people think, Hey, I earn so little. They're not going to hunt me down. Yeah. If I don't do taxes, let's just not do them.


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[Assistant] I did TurboTax for a while when I just had like a regular job. Comedy starts to complicate things so much where I got, I got like


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[Assistant] Dozens and dozens of these forms. I started going like an H&R block, somewhere like that, and I just go, here's all the stuff, I'm here to answer any questions, but you go ahead and knock all this out for me.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And I get the H and R block and a strip ball and Mount Juliet. That's where Garth Brooks goes to get things handled.


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[Assistant] Well, they are. So I just, I, I was, uh, they were like, walk me through some of your, I was like, cell phone pay for a cell phone every month.


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[Assistant] This lady was like, well, what percentage would you say that you use your phone for your comedy career?


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[Assistant] I was like, 70%. She's like, all right, we're right off 70% of that. I was like, it's just based on what I think.


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[Assistant] That's, you know. But that percentage is based on, I don't have to prove that percentage is just like what I think. You probably have to prove it if they audit you. If they were to audit me. I don't know how you would audit somebody for that, but.


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[Assistant] Similar to what we were talking about earlier, I don't make nearly enough for them to audit me yet.


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[Assistant] She's like, I need to look good on stage. She was like, oh, you got yourself a haircut. She like crossed them all off. She's like, you can't do that.


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[Assistant] I need to go, your person's a little more creative than mine. You want to try haircuts this year? I'll try Netflix. We'll see what happens.


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[Assistant] So you can go to a movie, draw the movie theater right off the mileage to and from the movie theater and the movie itself. Cause that's research. What does writing it off mean?


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[Assistant] It means you can deduct it from your taxable income, so you don't have to pay taxes on it.


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[Assistant] You could have state tax on top of that. We don't in Tennessee, but most other places too.


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[Assistant] Cause I know working for clubs, you know, they, they like feature pay for a weekend. Sometimes they're like, you, you don't even make enough this weekend for us to send you a...


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[Assistant] You're here one weekend, you make 400 bucks. Let's just forget about each other. Just move on.


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[Assistant] I hate breaking bad news to people. I can't do it.


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[Assistant] I did a show at Zany's once, can't remember if I talked about this on the podcast, but George Lopez had to cancel last minute.


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[Assistant] So it's a sold out crowd. Everybody's there to see George Lopez.


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[Assistant] And they have to go up and say, Hey, he's not here. And I was like, I can't even be in the room.


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[Assistant] Well, they, David Chastain, who's the sound guy there, he handled it great. He walked out. He wanted to do it.


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[Assistant] We're wired so different. He said, I love this. So he walked out. He was like, just want to let everybody know right out of the gates. You're all getting a refund for tonight. George Lopez can't be here. You're going to get your money back, but we were put together a great show. If you want to stick around.


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[Assistant] You know, you already got a babysitter, you already get your drinks sorted. We say you just stick around and enjoy the show. And they were awesome.


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[Assistant] Ended up being a really good show. But I go, I can't, I could never do that. I would hate that.


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[Assistant] 15 people left, the rest of them stayed and it was one of the better shows I've ever done. Because they were like, oh, this is just a free cherry on top.


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[Assistant] They paid less taxes in ancient Egypt than we do now. You give way more than one fifth now.


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[Assistant] 40%, yea, that'd be two-fifth, that'd be two-fifths.


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[Assistant] What do you mean? He doesn't want to talk about it. Pay quarterly?


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[Assistant] No, I didn't know there was an option. You'd pay your, you pay the court throughout the year.


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[Assistant] You know why the Yankees always win? Why? Can't stop staring at their pinstripes. You ever see that movie? Catch me if you can.


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[Assistant] Jeremy, you're being traded to the Phillies. Here's this number, call it. You're a good ball player. Good luck.


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[Assistant] His brother stole millions from him. He's in prison right now.


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[Assistant] I did a show at the, at a mini, at a state prison in Minnesota with John Chris. We spent the day there.


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[Assistant] They were in, they almost looked like dorm rooms. Yeah. Bunk beds in there. They didn't have the bars. Yeah, yeah. But they were, you know. Well, everybody has those.


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[Assistant] Do they check there? They don't do a dental check out where to go. They check all the places you could put stuff in your body.


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[Assistant] On some, some, it might be, you know, on groceries or on medicine. It's groceries. Stuff like that. Yeah. But you still, if you buy a biker, you still gotta pay a biker a car.


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[Assistant] Alabama's high too. The way they justify that is we have relatively low property taxes compared to other states. So it's like a give and take.


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[Assistant] You remember when Chris Christie spent like 20 grand on concession stands?


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[Assistant] Who knows, but I remember seeing the amount and being like, dude, this is not a good look for you, man. Christie racked up $82,000 in concessions.


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[Assistant] So I looked up a little bit about this. So they wanted to find a way to tax wealthier people more. But people really did not like the idea of


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[Assistant] You know, you're penalizing me for being more successful. And that's a little intrusive to like...


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[Assistant] Attack me based on my income like that. So they said, well, what is a good indicator of your success?


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[Assistant] The bigger the house you have, the more windows you're going to have. And also that allows us to count it without going into your house. We can just walk up and you can count the windows from the outside. So that's the way they did it. And then people just started, you know, just stopped building windows on their house. They got around that real quick.


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[Assistant] Salt Lake City, Woodstock, Georgia. I'm in Denver, Colorado. First week, May. Never done anything out there. I'm excited. Denver comedy underground. Come see me do that. That'll be fun.


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[Assistant] Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land podcast. I am Nate Barghetti and I'm here with Brian Bates and Aaron Weber. Welcome.


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[Assistant] Whether you're struggling, struggling with low self-esteem, body image, anxiety or anything else.


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[Assistant] There's no one size fits all solution. That is why Talkspace Online Therapy gives you unlimited access to a licensed therapist so you can set aside time to put yourself first. Sign up today.


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[Assistant] Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month, uh, with promo code Nate. That is $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code Nate.


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[Assistant] You will be in stitches from performances by a cast that includes comedy greats David Cross, Tim Robinson, Paul F. Tompkins, and more.


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[Assistant] Listen now at audible.com slash Summer in Argyle.


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[Assistant] Welcome everybody, welcome. Hello folks again. Uh, I was thinking.


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[Assistant] Talk about ads, but, uh, no, no, I don't make fun of the ads. The ads we read is like stuff that like, you know, we either use or, uh, you used indeed, like that's a big main thing, but, uh,


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[Assistant] People think, like, don't listen, like, you know, they complain about ads and podcasts, and you're like, dude, if you, like, we listened to radio, dude. It was just ads.


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[Assistant] Like TV is just ad, like it was like, if you're older, you're like, what are you talking about? Like if you could be delivered the ads, like the way you can in a podcast and all stuff, you would be like, at my age, you're like, that's unbelievable. And it's crazy.


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[Assistant] And like, so it is always, it's funny to think we, like, serious exam was supposed to be that.


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[Assistant] The whole point of that was to be no ads. They're all ads. Oh yeah. There are a ton of ads and it doesn't, I never understood that. Cause it's like, you're like, well, you're paying for it. It'd be like Netflix started doing ads and you're like, Oh, I thought the point of this was Hulu. They use ads, man. I mean.


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[Assistant] They're, uh, yeah, well Hulu, can you, even if you pay, they still show you an ad?


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's the system. Like YouTube is like, you can pay for no ads. Like I, that's what I mean though. It's like, if you can, if you pay for no ads, then.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like, then you get no ads. But as serious as you're, the whole point of it was, there's gonna be no ads. They don't have to. There's a subscription. That was the whole point of it.


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[Assistant] I thought, I think, when it came out. That's how I remember Howard Stern.


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[Assistant] No ads. And then it's like, we still gotta do some ads. You know, and you're like, come on, we gotta do a couple. Make some more money some way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Uh, Ethan Anderson, last ad we ever do. Uh, Ethan Anderson, gentlemen, I've been trying to catch up on the podcast for the past couple months after discovering it.


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[Assistant] I like, I just, when I read something, I can make it be like it's about to be over. And there's, you know, I've been trying to catch them podcasts for the past couple months after discovery.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Like my rhythm, I really bail out on this rhythm. Like I get, I start to like, I should be like, I've been trying to catch up on the podcast for the past couple months after discovering it.


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[Assistant] Turns out pretty much everything is the same from the beginning. Nate is still barely able to speak. Beekeeper's still worried and Aaron is still the grill master. Keep up the fantastic, uplifting content. God bless.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Amber Cunningham. Hi guys, I'm a teacher from Alabama.


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[Assistant] I listen to your podcast on the commute to school each morning. Your podcast is great because I no longer have to plan lessons. I now just teach whatever is on the podcast. By the way, I'm supposed to teach Landforms next month. It'd be really great if you could do a podcast on that. Big fan, keep up the great work. What's Landforms?


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[Assistant] That's what Amber should do. That'd be great. If you go, she goes in that day and she goes, did we, did we not land on the moon? Welcome dusty slave. Dusty comes in. Hey kids.


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[Assistant] The more I searched, the more clues I saw that something was not right. There was snorkeling gear in the back seat, an air freshener I'd never seen, snacks that were not mine, that I panicked, and it looked like I was trying to rob them.


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[Assistant] Look around to make sure no one saw. I got into this car, this other car, two times with a mission to find as much cash as possible. So glad I didn't find me. Man, that's very funny. That's hilarious.


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[Assistant] Are you like, to pay for a basketball? I mean, how much is a basketball camp? 40, 60 bucks? And you're like, alright, I'll go find some cash in the car. I got 60 bucks of cash, of loose cash. Lindsay, you need to get your own car situation settled to go.


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[Assistant] I usually just, with the vacuum, I clean it up, man. What do I care?


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[Assistant] Caitlin Blanchard, we know the Blanchard family.


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[Assistant] You talk about comedians who don't like their audience. This may be a stupid question, but how can you tell? I'm a huge, if you don't know, you're the audience they hate. I'm a huge standup fan. I've seen many comedians over the years and I don't know what I've ever experienced to show where the comedian was clearly unhappy to be there.


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[Assistant] Is it an obvious, is the comedian simply being rude and angry with the audience?


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[Assistant] Sometimes that's the comedian's thing, so I wouldn't necessarily pick up on it. Just curious, uh, what the experience would be like. Uh, you know, there's no way, I don't think they would, you would know it being there.


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[Assistant] That's the job of a comedian is to have. They do love telling jokes.


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[Assistant] Even in the office, Dwight, I remember, uh, Dwight, uh, what's his name? Rainn Wilson. Rainn Wilson. They asked him once on, uh, about people coming up and he was young, Fallon, or Conan.


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[Assistant] And he was like, he didn't like it, like, and whatever. And it's like that kind of thing where it's like, does he hate them? The people that watch the office? No. Are they tired? The people that probably.


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[Assistant] I don't know if there's a way to know. I mean, I don't want to say who I think, but it's, you know, I just, yeah, if they, I think some people don't want to be their audience, like their audience that comes out to see them, they're like, I don't want to, they don't realize they are that.


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[Assistant] And so when they look in the, they look out there at the crowd, they're like, I don't want to be this.


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[Assistant] And this is what I am. And so they're like, I'm better than this. And I think, but that's what pays the bills and that's where you make money. So I'll see, I'll keep writing for this.


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[Assistant] But just, I know that I'm not this. That's how I look at it. So I don't know who that-


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[Assistant] Take that for whoever it is. It's Bill Cosby.


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[Assistant] Matthew Hawkins, just an update on my bombing career as assistant to the junior high principal. I was asked by our second and third grade counselor to come speak to the students including my daughter about fairness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tom Petty dabbled in kids music, huh? Straight crickets, except for one teacher about my age. From then on, I stuck to the top. I'll stick to my day job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's tough. Do it to eight, nine year olds. I know. I tell jokes to Harper of them. She goes, I think it's a, I think it's an adult joke. I don't get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm not a big ring guy. I never wore the ring, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wear it on stage just because I, I mean, one of the main reasons I'm talking about being married and it's like, I just don't want you to be like the big gun thing. We talked, that was in this episode. But it was, uh, but like, like, I don't want you to be like, where's his ring? I sometimes I'll forget it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I've never been a big ring guy. And so I wish I could, I thought about the tattoo thing, like I would almost like that better, but I just don't, I like not having tattoos. And then, uh, so I just kind of don't wear it. I mean, I've, you know, I always joke, like, I mean, I talk about, she's here, she's producing this. Like if there's, what else do you want? You know, this is a point. Yeah. I mean, what am I?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What, you want a picture of her? Symbol of our love? Get out of here. What do I gotta, I gotta walk around with her face on my shirt? I go, I'm married to her. We wake up every day, she's there. No, I don't ever, I'm not a big ring guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. So that's why I don't, cause it's like, I think about it, so mine's in my, I don't even have mine. Mine's on the tour bus right now, which is not here. So it's in the...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it's not, yeah, I have it, so I, and I put a watch and a ring on right before I walk on the stage. And that's the only time I wear it. A little something going on outside. That's about the forward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything's falling apart. The whole system's breaking. So I don't wear a wedding ring.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Keep going, Nate. Keep going. Dave Mallon. Malone. Mallon. Mallon. Probably Mallon, like Fallon. Yea. Dave Mallon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nate, a few months ago, my family and I saw your show in Hershey, Pennsylvania. We lived nearby and left to get...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We left to get to Hershey a couple hours early so we could grab a bite to eat for the show. Welcome back Aaron.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On our way there, we passed the tour bus and I quipped, I wonder if that's Nate's bus. Seems like he's cutting it a little close to showtime if it is. When we got to the theater, I walked to where the performers buses park, and sure enough, it was the same bus we passed. Do you normally only get to shows a couple hours before showtime? Uh, we usually go, uh, earlier.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends, I mean sometimes, I forget where we were before Hershey, but sometimes you're just getting there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get there. Yeah, it would've been a couple hours before, but sometimes the bus could already be there, like it drops you off and it drove us back to the hotel or something like that. Sometimes that stuff can happen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so usually the bus can be there a little bit, like, you know, for merch, Chase that sits up at merch, uh, he, he's got to be, he's got to start setting up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if doors open at 6, it's like 3.34 or something, he's got to be out there. But sometimes it's like, sometimes you can be cutting it close, sometimes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sometimes I won't be dressed into my clothes. I mean, the first act will be on, but I'll be on the bus. So I'm outside or in the green room and then I'll start getting ready for the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that close to time. I always like that. I always think it's funny to think like, I've taken a shower and been like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, you know, I talked about that. Like you're just like, I was in the shower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, and now I'm in front of everyone. Like I've done it where you're like, you do a show in a hotel and you're like 20 minutes ago I was taking a shower. And now I'm in front of 500 people. It's crazy. It's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So maybe you can explain how he landed on that choice of vehicle. Nothing wrong with it by the way. It's a very honorable choice of vehicle. Can I take a guess? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you go. Very honorable. Thank you. I think my answer is funner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reid Jones. I've heard Nate reference his TV pilot several times and every time he brings it up, I just want to hear more. I'd imagine I'm not alone. Could you share some stories of how it all came together? What it was about? How it went filming? How it happened after? Any behind the scenes stuff? Uh, people like us who have never been around the TV biz, we'd love to hear about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I'd probably a whole, I mean, I'd probably have to do a whole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, did I talk about the pilot? We've talked about it. Yeah, we did. I mean, it's crazy. It's, it's, you're, you're, you're, you walk in, you go to a studio, you have your living room, your kit, we had a golf room, living room, kitchen, parents kitchen, and then daughter's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, bedroom. And it's all, and it looks like it's all real things, stairs that go nowhere. Crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so, uh, and so you're just kinda, you're watching it get built. And I mean, they're, they're putting stuff in there that's like, they have a Tennessee, like they're having the Tennessean, the Nashville paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, down at titans magnets on the refrigerator. It's like, it's all this stuff that you kind of like, it makes sense. But you're like, I never would have thought of this. Like the people that designed this stuff, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, we spent a lot of nights riding it. I stayed in a hotel, a continental hotel right next to Fox Studios.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For 50 nights I was there and I'd walk over there every morning and we'd write all day. And you write, when you write a show, you don't, you write, write it over and over and over again, just the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, it's always changing. Even up to the night when you're taping, it's changing so much that you're like, try this, do this. We got to get this. Uh, you know. And what was it about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mine was about my family. It was just like an everybody loves Raymond kind of thing. But we had Kurtwood Smith and Debra Jo Rupp were my parents.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so like, you know, just them, he'd fall, Kurt would fall asleep on the couch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was just like, I'm going to go over here and like close my eyes for a little bit. And you're like, he was like, I mean, you're, I'm a nervous wreck and it's crazy to just be like, this dude's so comfortable with this because he's been doing it forever and you just are. And you're like, you know, he's like, yeah, just go take a little nap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's probably more to what I was, you know, maybe we get Greg Garcia in here one day and we'll talk about like TV pilots and stuff like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll text him if you want to see if you can get him. Lee Ledford, when you guys talk about being clean as a comedian, is that the only, is that only in relation to cursing or is it subject matter that might be a little on the dark side is not included as well? I know you said, I know you've said it's hard to work to tell jokes about the obligatory curse words.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But are you still considered clean if you talk about the dark subjects? I don't, have I said it's harder?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think I usually say that. Other people say that. I let people say that. I don't stop them. I don't remember you saying that. I don't say it. I let them, I don't stop them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, yeaah, I don't, yeaah, I'm not gonna, someone says it, I'm not gonna stop you, but a lot of people say, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, uh, no, I don't, look, I don't think, I, I talk about, I talked about our dog dying. Uh, I, like, I don't, I, I, I think if you could be, if it's Christian, maybe,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to somewhat probably think a little bit more. Uh, there's a couple of times I've done a church where I can't say a joke. Uh, or maybe it's like a, you know, it could be like interpro, like I'm not talking about drinking jokes. I had like, some of them could just be like, eh, this is not the place for that. But I don't, I don't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that's, that's the clean that I want to do where it's like, it's just, I like doing, you know, for me, I just like doing, it's like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's being cleaned, but yeah, you would, it's definitely not cursing and it's not painting too much of a picture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like you can't, you know, cause you could describe something and it would, it's just, yeah, it's not paying too much of the picture. But the darktop subjects I like, I mean, there's a lot of murder, like I talk about like someone getting hit all the time. Like it's like, it's like, that's the funny thing to me. So it's, uh, there's a lot of stuff like that, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do any of you know a comedian whose style is similar to your own who has a bit that you wish you'd written for your own act? If so, who is it and what is the bit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I can never think of, uh, Joe Zimmerman, uh, I always liked his, the wolf bit. We smiled. They take a smile at a wolf. You know, I think we did it. I think we talked about this when we first started this podcast. I think we did maybe. Yea, when we were trying to do comics on this podcast. God, I remember that. Oh wow. We would show like a clip. A clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, for wolf, they tell you just to show, uh, show teeth or something and the wolf will back down. So you gotta like smile at the wolf. And I can't remember all the joke right now, but I remember that joke and I remember like very jealous of that joke. And I could, and me and Joe are probably pretty similar. Like it's, you know, what kind of lower energy, that kind of, uh, stuff like that. I'm trying to think of any other ones. I mean, do you have any?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's the, that's the hard part when you see, there's a lot of times you could come up with an idea and I can't think of it and you're like, I'm not the comic to configure. I can't do this yet. I don't know how to do it. And I mean, some of it's like, I mean, my jokes, like I, it was like telling stories in joke form and now it's like, I mean, it's kind of longer stories and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I still have a lot of jokes in it, uh, but yeah, it's, it's funny. And when you see that, nothing's, cause everything feels sometimes like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An idea someone might think could be hacky or could be whatever, whatever. But like, if you're a great comic, you can say anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can figure out how to do it where you're like it's not gonna, like wherever I'm gonna say it's not gonna be like this. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, that's, that's interesting to hear, like, really, like, yeaah. That's always like, you're like, ah, I'm probably stuck with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a pair, I've had a pair before ever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Years before this podcast, I bought a pair of ball birds. They're good shoes. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I'm a fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know how hard it can be with work, school and relationships pulling you in every direction. It can be hard to find time to focus on what you really need. Uh, if you give it a try, you can see how Talkspace Online Therapy gives you unlimited access to a licensed therapist. So you can set aside time to put yourself first, which then helps everybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Talkspace Therapist can help you in the times when you need it instead of waiting for an appointment.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It will give you a break, some perspective and self-esteem boost. Take care of your mental health on your time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and I'll add your pace. 24-7 messaging with chat, video or audio options for live sessions so you can get support on your own terms from any device. Privacy is key and Talkspace has encryption and added security features to keep your conversation secure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get the one size fits one, get the one size fits one support you need with Talkspace. Sign up today at Talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with promo code Nate. That is $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code Nate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listen to the new Audible Original Summer in Argyle created and written by Nate Odenkirk and his father, Emmy Award winner Bob Odenkirk. Pop in your earbuds and visit the town of Argyle, Argyle, Ohio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is a place that celebrates the spirit of close enough and enjoys both an annual hot dog eating contest and an annual murder.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hear about Argyle's darkest secrets, the mysterious death of a magnificent bowler who never bowled and instead warmed the bench the way Argyle folk love. Explore the town's hot spots like the DMV.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also a fancy restaurant, and the world's largest Lawson founder gets stitched up by the local surgeon, who's also a magician. Oh, a little magician.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Soon you'll be in stitches from performances by a cast that includes comedy greats like David Cross, Tim Robinson, Paul F. Tompkins, and more. This is one hot dog murder comedy with everything on it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit audible.com slash Summer in Argyle and listen now, hashtag Summer in Argyle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, uh, we're here with, uh, Dusty Slay against, uh, Dusty Slay, uh, stand-ups. Go check it out, Season 3.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, is there six? Six, yeaah. Yeaah, yeaah. Soder Amman, I was first, Soder was sixth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People want to, like, I think the stand-up thing, the stand-up series, I mean that changed my life. And then, uh, and I think it'll change yours. And then it's, uh, it's, the order, the way they do it is just such a good, people get a, like, it's become a pretty good little series and people kind of go, oh, I get a watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that, that was, y'all did that in the real picture? Yeah. Yeah, we did. Yeah. I like Melissa, uh, V a lot. Like, uh. Yeah, she's cool. Yeah. Uh, yeah. I like, she's, uh, I don't, there's just something about, she's very, very likable. Yeah. She's so funny too. I watched


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's probably over time that so many people just jerk them out. I think if you could watch people do stuff, you'd be like, you're the one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like if you could slowly get, like just someone like every time they leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My tour manager, Travis, I think he, he's that. He would be, he would just jerk things, he could just jerk things out. From the side, not even a good angle. He's the most like, man. Like, you know, would you stereotype of a man? It's like, he's the most.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No gracefulness. That's a beautiful way to put it. There's, yeaah, there's just, it is just, uh, you know, you open the door, a lion walks in, charges his phone, does everything and leaves. No concept of doors or like any, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not a bad thing. I mean, it's, it's, uh, you need, you need, yeah, you need it to walk around just some banging into walls and stuff, you know, to remind yourself you're alive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that is interesting with the plugs. Do you know why they do that? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the whole time, I mean, you ever go digging for a plug and then you realize it's in the side of the cabinet, like right? You're like, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're, yeah, like some, but like, no, not necessarily, I was saying, sometimes, you know, they put, now they put the plugs like in, in built in. Oh yeah. But you, I like, you won't see it. It's not obvious. And then you're like, I'll forget. And then, yeah, I'm like moving the bad back and got one of those big long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Plugs, and then you're- I've seen some where you're like, they don't want you to plug something up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so this week, Dusty, we're gonna talk about, uh, conspiracy theories. Which is fun. Alright. I mean, I'm into it. I'm into it too. I'm into it too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I guess, yeah. Like I read it today in the paper. I did read it this morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he conveniently goes, well he said yes. He said he's the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, he's out of step, so they're all, how's he out of step?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that guy in the middle has his right leg forward.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the mind is an amazing thing and you can get yourself talked into anything. Like I would imagine if you go back to that picture that day, they take a million.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then they go, this one is awesome. And then they go, I don't care, just put it out. And you gotta think like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, we, you dissect it cause it's this iconic legendary kind of thing. But when they made it, they don't know that it's going to be this iconic legendary thing. And they just go, yeah, that picture looks the best. I'm tired of doing pictures. And then we go from there. Yeah, I agree with that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That makes more- I always think of stuff like that, conspiracy theories. I mean, I- look, I hope they're real. But I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and you place everything backwards and you're like, it also says everybody's dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, but it's like, but it's, it's, that's like all perfect. It's a perfect, it all fits like so great. Where it's one of those where you go like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So either it's exactly true or it's not. Right. There's no, there's not even a, in the middle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Has anybody successfully faked their death? Like that you would have ever even found out about? I mean, I guess.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it's like, it's always the most, who's doing it is the most beloved person that you don't want to die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so you're make up anything to have hope that they're not dead. They're always like two bucks, very beloved. All these people are very beloved. No one's aunt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is fake their death. Like no one's like, you know, my uncle Joe, they go, we don't know if it's him. Like in here, cause no one, it's only the like ones you want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, under a different name. How long did he, like, why don't they not tell you when he got called? Did he like, did it last a while or was it like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he faked his own death and then like Tuesday they grabbed him and he's like, well that wasn't worth it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When there's, and you're in my, like that guy wants to get called. I think you could just walk off. Like back then you could leave your home and you're gone forever. No one can call you, track you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's gotta talk to the new friend. Hey, what if I told you I faked my death?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uh, you know, that's the way to go though. If you ever find another woman, it's easier than, he didn't leave your wife, just fake your death. It's less, you know, you don't have to deal with your family being mad at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but it'd be tough to do now, but I think back then that's, I mean, it's a shame. That guy's, that's disgusting that the guy got caught. Yeah. I mean, that's borderline airplanes don't work back then. Flew all the way over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he was probably close to retiring, might as well. Yeah, he's like, if you peek, you go, I'm going to go out on top.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone goes, who's the last person you cremated? Tupac. And you go, you want to go like Susie Rosen.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want to be like, you go, I mean, if you're at the verge of retirement, it ain't getting better than this. So I'm out. I buy that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I wanna, like, I always have a theory, I wanna make sure I'm dead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being buried alive? Being buried alive. Like, you know, what if this is a major problem and we have no idea?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Break the scoop here. I mean, the gig, no one wants me to talk about anymore, but my Paul Allen gig, Stevie Wonder did it. I opened for him. I know. And then, I mean, I watched him. I mean, he has a bunch of people with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, like, I mean, I would think any time he could not fake it, this would be a time he couldn't. Or he could be like, yo, I'm like, you know, he's around just billionaires, like, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I saw him, I mean the idea of him being, I think that's kind of crazy, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not having to, I mean, I think you can get out of conversations a lot easier. Yeah, yeah. You know, you can just always be... You don't think it's a little more interesting?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like the noise. I mean, I think your senses are so strong the other way that you would enjoy hearing. There's probably a safety of hearing a bunch of people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Versus like, cause you're in the darkness the whole time and I would think there's a comfort to hear like, I know I'm, I'm surrounded by, you feel like surrounded by love probably. He had a lot of people around him and like if you went up to him, it was, it wasn't like you could just go up to him like so. I mean, if they were faking it, there'd be a hole. He was late.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was, he was late. So I mean, there's another one. Yeah. It's tough to find a place when you can't see him. You see him just run and then right when he gets to that door, he goes, all right, hold on, hold on, hold on. And then they go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he just walked into it once because I'm ready to go. That's how he lets him know. He just walks it, hits it and jerks back. But this is him catching it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have that interaction and they're, neither one of them are doing the thing. Like you think they go, yeah, like they hang out backstage and they go, hey, you wanna.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You want to grab a coffee or something like that? And he goes, yeah, I would. And he goes, all right. And Stevie lifts up and winks at him. And then they go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that's, that, he hits his head on the microphone, so Stevie would have heard that. And then he just, all he does is, he doesn't grab it, he just holds his hand up and it hits his arm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you gotta thank someone that's blind. There are other senses. Like he's not like a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's been blind his whole life. So his senses are just through the roof. I mean, he can probably just guess what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something's doing. Cause he's like, yeah, I mean, you know, I have to be so conscious of all of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were at this event? No, no, I didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another, yeah, not unlike this though. Not unlike that. A lot of, a lot of the same Stevie wonder was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So just the movies that he made now were just that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, I'm not going to take my picture or anything. In 1875, he's like, I'll do another picture. Cameras are getting better. In 91, he was like, you seen those cameras? I'll do, you know, and then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, that's gotta shut that window. Oh yeaah. Yeah, just shut it real fast. The speed of a sloth. I asked the sloth to shut the window.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could feel, like grab those paper towels, like you would, like, I could see you walking around, like if you, the old Aaron, like if you, if you go, hey we're having a cookout, would you bring your own paper towels? I'd love to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like you could bring, would you bring for the party and then you'd be like, have Lucy like, keep ours in our purse? Like, you know, like keep your, our own separate paper towels.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I like paper, but if they're firm, I love paper. If I wasn't married, I would only have paper.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you're global warming, you're like, this guy's keeping us alive. That's how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean now people use them to go use your cell phone or phone booth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like sometimes at a hotel, I got privacy, yeaah. Just ripped the phone out, the cord's still hanging out, just going there, hello.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, cause you could probably go to Alaska, like, but I mean, I think cell phones are gone. I think you'd say different names. It would be, it probably would be interesting to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you like, what if I, what if you tried to be like, let me just go, you say you don't fake your death, but you're like, go live in a town for a month and just say I'm a different name. I just moved here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then see what, see if you would like it. I don't think I like that. You know, sometimes people can say they use like a fake, a different accent, like they're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess, I guess I'd be, yeah, but I'm uncomfortable with prank phone calls. I don't like hearing, like that's why the pranks I like are the pranks that get set up and I can kind of walk away from it.


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[Assistant] And it's like, I don't, but I'm also friends with the person that's the prank. I don't do it to random people.


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[Assistant] And so there's a little bit more to it, but I, I would have trouble looking you in the eye. And, you know. Just lying to you.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I would feel, I would think I'd feel uncomfortable if I said the wrong name and then they yelled it and I'd go get it. I just would feel.


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[Assistant] Weird. I oughta try it though. I know a guy who feels like, Cartwright? I oughta try it.


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[Assistant] Oh, so it was Marshall. So he, yeaah, I don't know if he turned right, like it's, he lives two different lives.


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[Assistant] What's something that you go pull up to the airport, you're like, look at that blue horse. You go, wait till you get inside. That's the most normal thing you're about to see at the airport. Yeah.


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[Assistant] They're predicting, uh, maybe what, you know, could be, it's like what we're in now. Right. So there you go. Just go look to the Denver airport.


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[Assistant] How do you get an email for a meeting on that? Like if you, like how do you get that? Like you just, they just texting. Hey, we got an Illuminati meeting tonight. All right. All right. Let me get my go Ted.


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[Assistant] Well that movie is, yeaah, it's like, that's the point of that movie. They made a movie about the Illuminati.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but why would you, why would he make, why would you throw this up outside the air? I think they went with an angle and they let whoever designed this, they go, what do you want to do? And he goes, I got a plan and he's going to tell a story. And then like, cause I would think if you're.


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[Assistant] If you are Illuminati, like would you be this obvious about it? Like they go, like how would you be like, hey, we have a secret place we go to. Where is it? Where the blue horse is with red eyes. You're like.


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[Assistant] I think the Broncos are there before the airport. Yeah. Are you seriously asking which came first? Airport or the Broncos?


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[Assistant] There's a lot of, every plane you get off of, you're like, I swear there's more people on this flight than I thought. Yeah.


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[Assistant] I don't know if y'all- I don't think I've ever been told any of this.


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[Assistant] We're a little bit better than Broadway on the other side, like the, where the, all the honky tonk bars are. It's a little more, this side's like, yeah. It's like, I don't know, man, we drink, you know, our cups. Yeah, pinky up. Yeah, pinky up.


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[Assistant] What are they doing down there? We go down there and watch them for fun. Yeaah.


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[Assistant] Hey, do you mind if we do the, uh, as he's doing the 2001?


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[Assistant] Space Odyssey, they go. Hey, can we, can I talk to you over here for a second, Stanley? Uh, my name's John Nassar.


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[Assistant] Zero chance we're getting to this moon. I, Borland, don't even know if there's outer space. So could we throw you a little extra money?


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[Assistant] He goes, I can't get my, keep my feet on the ground, but besides that it's pretty good time. He goes, that's kind of annoying. I can see how I would be annoyed by this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but I don't know if you would see stars, like, it could be dark. I mean, I, like.


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[Assistant] It's so like, like I could see, I think I could see not seeing a star. Like, you know, in a camera in 1969. Like how? Yeah, I mean. Why, have we not gone back to the moon? Yeah, we went back.


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[Assistant] So we went in 1969 and then the 70s and then that was it?


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[Assistant] Isn't there something on Mars? But why can't we go to the moon?


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[Assistant] Yeah, you ain't been there first time. How about you go one time and then I'll, I'll see what happens.


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[Assistant] So if people don't believe, what do they think the moon is? What do we see at night if they don't believe in the moon?


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[Assistant] Well, he probably likes being like, I'll just say we didn't, like he doesn't, you know, it didn't be a point.


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[Assistant] It's been so long and people are just like, I don't think you did it. And he is like, what do I care that this loser is just walking up to me going, I don't think you let me, you're like, you live with your mom.


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[Assistant] Why are they not landing it? You're like, could we land it on the land? He goes, no, absolutely not. It would be too hard to do. So just dump it anywhere in the middle of the ocean. That's, and we'll come grab you.


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[Assistant] What about the, so when it came back, so what did they do? Just dump the, cause then don't they show them, like come out of the water? So they're just saying like they just dumped the thing in the water? I mean, you know, I don't...


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[Assistant] They just see it. They see two pictures and they go, the sun's the same thing, dude. Look, look at the sun. The picture, it just went from here. They go, then tell me why is it the launch and a perfect lake right next to, I mean, it's a hundred yards. He just went big, shot from there, went to there and they go, woo.


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[Assistant] Do people not believe in gravity? Well, I don't know.


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[Assistant] So gravity's not real, it's just your weight. Theoretically.


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[Assistant] You're almost, it would be almost like these people are upset with the word grab, like literally the word.


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[Assistant] And you go, do you want to just change the word, man? Like, and he goes, I'd appreciate it. And you, cause I think you hung up on the actual word of gravity. Right? That's what it sounds like. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Like they're saying the answer should be what I'm saying. And they go, well, it's gravity. I go, no, you're heavy.


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[Assistant] And what's around you is not as heavy. So it's just, it's, it's like, so they're saying, they're just saying like, why do we have gravity? Well, you're like, we're calling like my weight. So I should be like, right now I'm trying to lose gravity. Like that's what I should be.


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[Assistant] Every morning. So if I measure myself tomorrow, I'm gonna be sick.


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[Assistant] Is that what they, like, they tell Bezos, you're like, quit spending money on all this and just go scuba diving.


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[Assistant] And they go, they did, they just go, let's go up. Let's go the other way. And then you go, come on man. That's why we need doctors and lawyers down there.


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[Assistant] That'd be the greatest. So when did they send that off?


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[Assistant] I think this is, you could say is more fake than the moon landing when they go, I'll be sending something up there. You like threw a rock up there. It's up there. Yeah. I mean, we, we did it. We.


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[Assistant] How about you not mess with kind of the main thing we need? Like, how about like, yeah, go do whatever you want on the dumb old moon, but how about let's take it easy with the sun?


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[Assistant] That's why I don't believe in it, cause where is it every night? I don't see it. It takes vacations. It takes shows on less.


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[Assistant] That's a great Roy Scovel joke. One of my favorite jokes, uh, was the moon. He goes, when the moon comes out during the day and the sun's like, what are you doing? And he goes, what? He goes, I mean.