[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What happened to the things of like, of going like, hey guys, it was just a joke, I don't like them, but none of that shit matters. And leave out the, I didn't think it was funny because that doesn't matter either, just be like. Yeaah. Yeaah, it's like, that's why I started to really hate Stern, where I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So ONA went and did some thing that you said went too far, and what you should do as a free speech guy is go,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey guys, I clearly don't like them, I've been trying to get them thrown off the fucking network for years, but guys, guys, you gotta allow for comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Going like, yeah I don't like them, but this has nothing to do with it, I have morals, I have integrity, but they just don't.


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[Assistant] The people, the friends of, of Dalias threw him under the bus. Yeah, that was nasty. Why don't you just stay quiet if you can't say, if I get it, if you're that fucking Hollywood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you even part of this story? If you are, I get it. You know, then it's like, maybe I should say something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel the need to if it's like, I'm on a comedy, I'm on a podcast with you or like, the thing he did was to me. You know, then it's like, maybe I'll say something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nikki and Marina, they were like, hey, what's going on with that? They say like you do this terrible thing to somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Handled. You just go to somebody, like, it seems wrong. What's the story?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why people don't do that. It's just like, social media addiction maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they're just characters. Online they're just characters. They don't really represent anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then the guy was like, I took all lives matter and we shouldn't be standing. It's like, all right. He just misguided, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not racist, you're just like misguided.


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[Assistant] And was like, is this you? Is this your address? We're coming to fuck you up tonight. Yeah. And she, and it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, that's, I get not liking my stuff, but that is not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And even the people that aren't actually calling for that are leading a mob that, that does bring that part in too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like Twitter though, like it's not up to us. It's like if somebody like throws up your, I don't know, your parents phone number on there or something, whatever. And I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, but like if I had a bulletin board downstairs in the- in the student union...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How? I don't know, but like, but like yeah, that cancel culture idea is not just people going like, I didn't like this. It's like, nah, it's, it's way different than that. Yeah. Yeah, baby. How much do you guys still think about these?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It opens a door for comedy because like, I've said that two years ago, I was saying this, like, yeah, you can't say faggot anymore on stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so then it's like, yeah, you're right. So then it comes back to like, we want it being said 2% of the time. It's being said 20% of the time, but now that it's being said 0% of the time, a good faggot goes a long way. People are like, we want one or two. But what you can do, it opens a door for child murder jokes and all this fun other stuff that's also very dark that no one's, no one's touching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think like, well you've talked to other girls in comedy, right? How many of them get death threats?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will fight, he will fight for you no matter what. He's a, he's a true OG. He's like the guy's joking, what the fuck's wrong with you? Yup. Do you agree with this? Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Like that's not the question. You idiots. Yeah. That question's gone now. Either you can say whatever you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, did you guys, so one of the pos that I try to like focus on is what I got.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, but that was really nice. Like, re- I was just constantly looking out for me. So like, I always say like the few knuckleheads that like publicly was like needed to say something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I try to do that just because I know at this point what it feels like that if people are silent, you start thinking like, well, they must hate me too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's crazy. They wouldn't even know you until they brought it up like, oh yeaah. They would forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You forget, they're comics, they're all socially awkward. And you're like, when they just walked away and you're like, you're reading into it, they do that with everybody. And you're like, oh yeaah, good point, everyone's autistic. So I thought about you, at first.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The best example I remember hearing about, yeah, it's like I'm pretty nice, but like somebody said, uh, Johnny Sanchez got a development deal. It's just a Latino comic in LA a long time ago. And Noe and all these other guys were like, he came, he parked at the store. I wasn't there for that. They told me about it later.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] At some point, don't you expect people to be like, don't you see this already? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you get to know a comic, I mean, we're super interesting and fun to be around even the crazy like autistic ones and like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something becomes like 5% and 95% is like, ah, they're fun dude. They're good to drink with. And then it's like, it's over once you get to know somebody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's all so interesting to me and I see people outside of comedy catching it and I'm just like watching these stories like wow, he had to apologize for this and you can't think he was really wrong in that situation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did think that your point, I was maybe peeing before when you say people like saw you and then like in real life like, oh shit, I think they really do think like you're going away forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real answer. You wouldn't have said, uhm, actually, better not, knowing this is some comedy journalist ready to fucking, whoever the fuck it is, would you have said, actually don't put my name up this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also feminism used to be like, I'm accomplishing something, not, let me show you how I've been wronged. Like Coco Chanel was like, I'm running a fucking magazine industry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like when uh, Marin got uh, Barack Obama to be on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I, I, yeah. I remember when you went on Rogan, I had like, everyone did like a, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, I knew, I know I did it in a moment of like a laugh and these people are comics, we were just talking about vasectomy. But I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know. You know, that's almost like a nothing opportunity. For sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I made a living doing what I like, so I just regret the backlash, but no, I don't regret doing it. Years holds up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm like, let me just rush to something, don't have to be that witty. I wish I heard about like the next day and I would have, I would have been, I wish it was LeBron and AD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a Times article written about me, and it was like, really cool. They were like, he's like, um, um, Sacha Baron Cohen, and uh, who's the old Jewish comic, like the first one? In this black and white. He's in Marvelous Miss Maisel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you mean Lenny Bruce? Lenny Bruce, yea. They're like that. And he was like, he's fucking killing you guys. The point is to have no one like him. And he fucking nailed it. And I was like, yea, you guys get it. The New York Times. I was like, this is cool. You guys get it. That's nice that they don't always.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would just like to say, like, I know each of you, like, separately. Steve, one of my best friends for the longest in comedy, but I've known you, like, a year into comedy, I've met you, and, like, you're, like, a great guy. So when this was happening, I was like, no, guys, that's completely wrong. He's a great dude who looks out for his friends. He had a sitcom once, and he, and he, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember seeing you versus someone else with a sitcom. And you're like, oh yeaah, I found out that there's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, just so you know, I, I, uh, auditioned for the thing. If you want to mention something like, oh, I don't want to create any waves. And you're like, fucking dicks. Yeah. But you're not that guy. You're a great guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Shane was like, you're just like a funny comic. And it was like, coming up and seeing it, it was like, this is wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you too was like, what are you talking about? Like you have this great podcast and you're talking about enjoying who you want to fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they're like, this is evil. And every one of them for its own reason was like, this is crazy wrong. The response and like that, that was even happening at all. But anyway, this was interesting to talk about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like you're not unique, you're not like, this thing left out of like, no one's ever been through this, where it's like, I think a ton of people, even on smaller levels you haven't even heard of, are going through it. Yeah. All the time. And they think it's the end of their world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You didn't rob a bank, you didn't beat somebody, you didn't do anything.


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[Assistant] Dead. Just stab and beat me to death. Like there's no question. You can't reason with them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, interesting, guys. Let me, uh, just do promotion, I'll do it in the intro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shane, you got a podcast with uh, McCuskers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In lieu of voting, I will come on instead. You're not gonna vote? Nah. Why? That's true. You think New York's gonna go a different way? No, that's, yea, you're right. Imagine? If they lose New York, I'd be so happy, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you know, it'd be great to be like, no guys, he was just doing something he shouldn't be.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some of the online stuff, I think comes from like, video game mentality, where it's like, I'm gonna fucking rape your mom, you faggot. You know, where it's like, you don't really mean that, but you have to be heard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeaah, this is fucking interesting. Thanks for doing it, you guys. Thanks for having us, Harry.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Before we go out, was there any detail that you wish people had known?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Asian jokes on stage. Yeah. I don't think it was intentional to back you up. Really? I think it was like, oh yeah, Asians. Asians are funny. Have you forgot about that? I noticed it so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It just became a thing. It was like, yep, we can still be racist against them. That was literally what-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you're also, you're a journalist, so you know what it's gonna do? So like, in the Washington Post started, uh, early pandemic, started posting pictures of people. And then at the bottom's like, by the way, this picture was taken two months ago. Because they knew people were gonna go, well you're not socially distant, what the fuck, why don't you wear a mask? So they had to like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They understand what the reaction is gonna be, so they're taking steps to stop it ahead of time. So to do that intentionally is like, it's not like you can't say you know better, you do know better. I saw one of these with Delia where someone was like, he hit on me when I was a junior, so fucking sick. All these tweets, like retweets, and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 minutes later, he's like, oh, by the way, I'm at junior in college. And you're like, well, you have to go delete that first one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real interesting. Well thanks guys. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Hey man, don't worry about this. This is probably going to happen. Don't worry about it. You know, something like I hope you're doing. Don't, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, wow. That's the episode everybody. That was a fucking, that was so fucking interesting to me. I've been observing this shit for so long.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For so long. I come across some that I don't even know about.


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[Assistant] They call it cancel culture now, but it's not about that. It's this backlash that's not just like a, I didn't like that. It's, it's a swarm of people. And, I mean, I saw one time I was looking for a song for the podcast. If you're on YouTube, you don't know what I'm talking about. But on, if you listen to this podcast, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every week, every episode, I choose songs that somehow...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speak to the episode. The, the clearest example was, uh, I did a podcast with Rick Enger about diabetes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I played the song pour some sugar on me by deaf leopard. Get it. You get it. Um.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About Parenthood once, I did one with Al Madrigal, Beautiful Boy by John Lennon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. So, I was going to look for a song about cheesesteaks, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe for one with, with Joe List and I came across this, like, just looking for different, I mean, I spend like way too long looking for songs for it, but, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I came across a song by this female, pop-ish singer. 25, 26, something like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she had a song about hamburgers or cheeseburgers or cheese steaks. I don't know. In the comments, I never heard of it. I never heard of her before. In the comments, all it was is you need to apologize. Fuck you. I'll never forgive you. Apologize, apologize. Why won't you apologize? It was awful what you did to him.


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[Assistant] I don't know who him was. Apologize. Fuck you. I'm no longer a fan. All this shit. And I was like, whoa, this lady caught one and I didn't even know about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the weird thing too, is you think since it's all directed at you, when you're going through one of these, you think, uhm, the whole world knows, but it's not true. It's not true, it's just online.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's, uh, most people aren't even on there, on whatever platform you're catching the flak on.


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[Assistant] And I didn't even know this lady existed and she's catching all these people shi- yelling, you need to apologize, you did something evil and wrong. They use these words too. Oh, that was truly evil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I was disgusted. I couldn't even, scared for my life. Oh, I saw one about Jews where this lady was talking. So Jews were like the last race to be like, we were victimized too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ah, Indians. No, no, no, that guy with the poo thing. He took it. All these people like start bragging about their victimhood and I was always like, Jews haven't done it yet. You know, we haven't, we haven't started doing it. And now I've seen it lately. Jews are like, it's hard for me. And there's one lady I saw things say, every time I walk outside, I have to tuck my Jewish star into my, into my shirt because I'm scared for my life. And my response to that is you're exaggerating because.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing in the religion says to wear a Jewish star necklace. That's just an accoutrement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, you're scared for your life to have your Jewish star necklace, and instead of leaving it at home, you just tuck it in? You're a liar. You're a liar. You're lying to yourself, I think, and then yourself is telling the truth. You know, of what yourself thinks the real thing is. Anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So in these e-rages, when this happens, uhm, and again, that book is John Ronson, if you're looking for it, it's called, uhm, So You've Been Publicly Shamed. I got through it in fucking three days. It was a great book. If anybody knows John Ronson, please connect us somehow. I would love to interview him. He's also wrote, I think, Into the Wild or, or, or The Air up there. No, that's the name. Anyway, he writes interesting books. Uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, weird fucking British voice that I didn't read it that way until I heard him talk. And I'm like, Whoa, it's not the way I pictured again. Uh, make sure to go check out their podcasts. Uh, Matt and Shane secret podcasts for Shane Gillis, uh, without a country for Corrine Fisher and what's the odds for Steven Aziz. But I want to talk to you about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What to do when one of your friends, or even you, is going through one of these. Cause I have been through it for a long time. I mean, I've been fucking through it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One of the early viral videos, I did a series of videos for National Lampoons, uh, called Lost Reality. It was a DVD called Lost Reality, and then a couple years later, Lost Reality 2. And the premise of Lost Reality,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was, this is one of those that are going to have a longer outro than an intro. The premise of Lost Reality is somewhere in some network office or studio office, there was a box.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda like Blair Witch Project. There was a box, and they found this box of tapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there were submissions or pitches. Do you know what a pitch is? When you go in with like, uh, whatever and say, Hey, we'd like to do a show. It's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard-hitting cops in Chicago. And they're like, what's it about? And they're like, well, we got Matt Damon. And then awful Hollywood will be like, if you got Matt Damon, I love the idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, or we got nobody, but I have this amazing script. Like, not interested. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pitches of the worst pitches you've ever heard of for reality shows. The Porn Olympics.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, it was hosted by Ron Jeremy. Uhm, these two guys were like, just scaring people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, this one dude had one where I'll throw up anywhere. He actually could throw up on command, but he was like, I'll drink epicac and barf for $5. And the people were like, not interested. He goes, watch. And he just throw up like, ew, I'm not interested.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the one I did was called The Amazing Racist. It was a play on the amazing race. The point was to be super fucking racist. Now I did that for a DVD. It was called National Lampoon's Lost Reality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] National Limpoons, uh, you might know them as the people who brought you Vacation with Chevy Chase, uh, Christmas Vacation, and the way lesser known European Vacation and Vegas Vacation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were also the ones who stole that movie idea from Burt Crusher's real life, uh, party animals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, who gives a shit? The guy later went on to star in one of the worst comic movie movies of all time, Green Lantern. If you've seen it, I mean, it looks like a student film. Uhm, and then Deadpool and he redeemed himself. So!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like real early on, when no one knew anything. It was one of the first viral videos. The name National Lampoons got taken off there. And so it starts, I made a mistake at the time looking back, with me going, Hi, I'm Ari Shafir and I'm the Amazing Racist and I just do these horribly racist things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For fun and jokes. Now, one of them was I picked up a bunch of Latino workers from a Home Depot. And I picked them up in my pickup truck. And I drove them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I said I would like you to fix, uh, uh, uh, my deck, my back, my backyard. And I drove them, instead of to my backyard to fix my deck, drove them to an INS building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Immigration Naturalization Services, a deportation center. ICE is known for now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And jumped out of the truck and started blowing and whistling and yelling, La Migra, La Migra. You might have seen those videos. I don't know. They all started scattering. Now, uhm, online, there's no like, this is a joke, this is anything. Just so you know, uhm, those people are all actors. They're just, they're paid 50 bucks each.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We got him from an extra service. Uh, I didn't drive him to an INS. I picked him up from a fucking paint store and drove him to a library in Van Nuys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They just ran. It just looked really real. No one knew what fucking fake hidden camera shit was back then. Oh, Danny Wolf. He was the best dude. He did all these kitchen confidential stuff. I gotta get Danny Wolf on a podcast. Where he just sort of like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He, you know, all the shit where they put your dick, they put your dick in like a hamburger. Uhm, he sold that to Fox. And...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just faked it all. He just used like security camera footage and just like set them all up. And then it was a wild success. And then Fox was like, that was amazing. Do you have any more footage? He goes, yeah, actually just found another box of amazing footage. Like, why did you give us that the first place? I don't know. He just faked another one. That guy's great. He was great. So anyway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People got mad and they're like Ari Shafir, so I started looking up, they started googling my name. Now, two or three years earlier, my friend Duncan Trussell, you might know him as the creator of, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Duncan Trestle Family Hour and also, uh, the new show on Netflix. That's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, that I'm buying time, trying to remember my name. The Midnight Gospel. It's fucking great stone. I wanna, uh, watch each episode on a different drug.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously weed, mushrooms are cool, acid, DMT you won't remember. Uhm, anyway, watch those.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come on Netflix, pick that up for a second season so we can get to work. Uh, at the time he had this website called ArtisticTerrorist.com or maybe ArtisticTerrorism.com and one of the things he did was he goes, if you prank call my friend Ari Shafir,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And record it, I will give the best prank call $20. At a time when $20 really mattered to us. It was a full shift at the Comedy Store.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I lived right by it. So, one of the, I think it might be that, but it might not be. Who knows?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey dude, you think it's funny what you do to those Mexicans? I did shit to black people too, don't worry about it. Uh, you think it's funny what you do to those Mexicans? My favorite one of all time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was gonna disconnect my phone, but I just put it on silent and just got the messages. They were so fun. I don't have them anymore. I wish I had them. My favorite one was, I'll build a deck in your ass, holmes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the death threats are not new for me. I've, I've been going through them for a long time. You should know, death threats are not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're only online. They're a way for you to get heard online. Because you can't just say, I didn't care for that. Hey, I thought that was awful what you did. Doesn't get you heard. It all comes from like video gaming, you know, where you're talking mad shit to your friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So what, what would you be more likely to hear if someone's talking to you? Would you be more likely to hear somebody say, I didn't care for that? Or, I'm gonna fuck your mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm gonna rape your mom. Hey, I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna rape your mom's eye socket and shoot fucking jizz. I'm gonna shoot fucking, I'm gonna go get AIDS and then fuck your mom's eye socket and shoot jizz. I'm gonna go back in time, get AIDS.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fucking cholera and shoot jizz full of AIDS and cholera into your, into your mom's eye socket. I'm gonna poke her fucking eye out. When she's pregnant with you, she's gonna come out like a fucking AIDS baby, you fucking punk bitch. I'm gonna kill you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So which of those would you hear more? Which of those would land on you more?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Again, column A. Didn't care for that. Or two, I'm gonna rape fuck your mom's eye socket with cholera and AIDS until you get born as an AIDS cholera baby who has a mom with one eye because it's been raped out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see what I'm saying? That's all that's happening online. People are trying to say crazy stuff so they get hurt. They don't mean it. And I'll tell you how I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because in all the years of my death threats, and this isn't the first one of these that's happened to me,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You might know it as the first one and you'll forget it and in 10 years, no one will remember it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because that amazing racist stuff was the end of my career, quote unquote. Uh, there was another one that was comedy only that was the end of my career. Uh, then there was one about a special I did, uh, that was the end of my career. It was a flash points in comedy. And then this last one with Kobe Bryant. I didn't want to talk about it by the way. Shane brought it up. I didn't want to mention me. Um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of them been quote unquote the end of my career. I'm very super mad at you. With all these death threats I've gotten for each of them, I mean angry threats. I know where you live.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the early days, I was pretty scared. Myspace was when I started getting deaf. I was like, oh fuck, people were like, hey man, I'm gonna find you at your show. I got a bullet, uh, with your name on it. I'm gonna fucking put a bullet in your brain. And I was like, fuck, really? Then after a year, I'm like, wait, no one's done anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Literally, in all these things, for 18 years, I've gotten maybe a hundred thousand threats on my life. I am telling you, in real life, the worst I ever got, total,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was two different people, comedians each, saying, hey man, that wasn't cool. That wasn't cool, you did that one time. That's it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the MySpace days, I would, I eventually just deleted my MySpace or went off and I forgot about it. No one started using. And uh, I started taunting people on MySpace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be like, hey man, well, you said you were gonna kill me, uh, my tour schedule's right here, I see, uh, you're about an hour and a half outside of Pittsburgh, you're gonna be there July 26th, you can see it, so, I'll see you there about the bull. And they're like, oh yeah, I bet you'd like that, that's how they respond. Anyway, I got off MySpace, everybody went to Friendster, MySpace, then Facebook.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I eventually went to Facebook, and then I realized years later, oh shit, people might be trying to message me on MySpace, and they were, and I went back in there, like I had to delete the account.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But before that, so you know how if you don't read a message but you can hold your mouse over it or something like that or just like stop reading it, I don't think they had that hold your mouse over it and show a preview thing on MySpace, but eventually I knew these people were threatening me and I just wouldn't read it anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I went back and I read all the messages. I mean, some people were like my friends, uh, but other people were like, had threatened me years ago. Said, I guarantee you won't see the end of this month. I'm gonna fucking do everything in my power to kill you. I started writing back to those people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I start going, hey man, so you said you were gonna kill me, it's been, uh, two years. Just wondering how your plan's going. You said...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As this guy goes, it was the night of, of my best fucking tweet I've ever had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not my best one, but the best reaction. Uhm, he goes, show your face to North Carolina, I swear to God you'll never step out of there again, I'm gonna fucking kill you. And then he wrote back like 15 minutes later, he goes, okay, well I see you're in North Carolina right now, but come to this city in North Carolina, I swear you will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've got a thing to tell you, but I'm gonna save it for another time of how I fucking played with these people's anger afterwards. Uh, these dummies. Anyway, the point is this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The threats aren't real. So what they do is they try to get you to hear them, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So for Jews, they throw out anti-Semitism. For women, it's threats of rape. Cause they think that's gonna scare women. And it does.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, for men, it's usually I'm gonna beat you up. Men aren't scared of getting raped. You say you're gonna rape a man, they're like, that's not a real threat, right? But if you say I'm gonna find you and beat the shit out of you with my homies, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They play on your fear of black people. I know a bunch of black guys. That's what they say. That's how racist they are. I know a bunch of black guys who are going to beat you up. None of it's real. Black people, when the e-rage comes at them, it's racism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's the N word. Jews, it's all fucking, I hope your father, oh, but it'd be funny if your dad died in the Holocaust, huh? Or your grandfather died in the Holocaust. And I'm like, dude, I have so many Holocaust jokes. You're, you're barking up the wrong tree. That doesn't bother me. I always say like, there's ways to get to me, but like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holocaust and death threats aren't them. You know what a legend I'd be if I was fucking killed because of a joke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a great way to end a life. What a great way to put your stamp on the history of comedy. These people don't get it. Your anger is my, is my ovation. That's my, that's claps to me. Your death threats are my standing ovations. I'm your God. I rule you. I'm not here for you. You're here for me. Anyway, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the point is, none of these are real. But, when it's coming to you the very first time, it's gonna be overwhelming. So, and I don't think anyone should go through this. So,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I like to call people and let them know what they're gonna expect and what they need to do. And you, if you have a friend who's going through this, you should do this too. Start a clip, start a clip Becky. Uhm, I made this from like 30 seconds ago. When any of your friends, or maybe right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When any of your friends, or you, are going through one of these e-rages, these online backlash, uhm, whatever you wanna call it, here's what you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Number one, there is no reason to see all the negativity coming at you. Carmically and psychically, it's bad for you. Even if you're wrong about something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't need to hear a thousand people saying, let's say you're wrong about something innocuous, right? Let's say you're like, uhm, mmm, I think Barry Sanders rushed from War Yards and Emmet Smith.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you look it up, turns out it's not true. Emmett Smith ran for more yards.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you have your friend go, hey, you were wrong. Like, oh yeah, I guess so. And now imagine some other people that you don't even know. Like, hey man, you were fucking wrong about that. Hey idiot, you were wrong. And then you start going, alright, alright. And then it- then 20,000 people, one after another, be like, moron, you were wrong. Hey, fuckface, you were wrong about Emmett Smith and Barry Sanders. Eventually, it's just gonna make you feel bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] About something that doesn't even matter. Now imagine, like you heard, imagine...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sort of mattered more, even though it never mattered. Guys, all these things, they're almost always not wrong. It's almost always context, like you don't know enough about it. Renazzi didn't tell a lot of people that, he never get, got anything off that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He told his friends, cause his friends were like, were you at 9-11? And he was like, mmm, yeaah. And then he, and then people were like, he said it on Marc Maron's podcast. He said it on Marc Maron's podcast number like 38. When Marc was doing it for 5,000 downloads in his garage. Nobody knew what podcasts were.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It wasn't like he was bragging about it. Mark brought it up and he was just sad to say it. At some point he goes, hey, I don't want to do this anymore. It's before he even got the league, before anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When people like, I'm so mad at you for saying that, you didn't know he said that until you heard he had lied about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you were told about the thing to be angry about and why to be angry at the same time. You weren't living your life going, ah, Steve run his AC, he survived 9-11. You didn't even know about it. You weren't mad at Shane Gillis beforehand. You didn't even know about it. If you got mad at him afterwards, you should be mad at the person who told you something that they knew you would be mad about. Why are you spreading that shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If Joe Rogan takes a bunch of copies of Mein Kampf and goes and delivers them to a bunch of kids in Jewish school, saying you should be mad at the Germans because of what they did. No, Joe Rogan, don't give these kids Mein Kampf, they're just fucking playing basketball. A sport that you don't respect, Joe Rogan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what you gotta tell your friends if any of them or you is going through an E-Rage. Number one, you gotta get offline. There's no reason to see that many people calling you a shithead. It's not gonna do you any good. Even if you think you were wrong, you don't need to see 50,000 people say it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Strangers calling you an asshole. You gotta get offline. But the instinct is gonna be to go check online. And to respond to some of these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you understanding what I'm saying? Anything you say will be used against you. They're not there to hear your explanations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're a mob at your door. They're showing up with torches and pitchforks and saying, are you Ari Shaffir? Are you the guy that raped those kids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're gonna kill you. You're like, no, no, no, no. Oh, I think you're thinking of Aaron Snaffer. He lives next door. He's a pedophile. It's Aaron Snaffer. It's not Harry Shaffir. It's Aaron Snaffer. I mean, if you're talking about pedophilia, Aaron Snaffer, he's done it and he keeps doing it. They're not gonna be like, oh, hey guys, we got the address wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're like cops! No! Sorry, sorry, man. We all thought- Guys, we all thought it was Ari Shaffer. It's Aaron Snaffer. My fault, man. We were gonna string you the fuck up, too. Thanks for letting us know. Where is it? It's, it's, it's 84.96, right? Not 84.98? My bad again. Alright, guys. Aaron Snaffer's house. Keep the rage going. Aaron, let's go!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not. They're not. That's not how fucking mobs work. And these online mobs are the same thing. And I know you can say, just don't look. But right now, our social media lives and our real lives are so tied in together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No one can really get offline. If you're like, I mean, I quit Twitter two months ago and people are like, why, why could you? And it's like, that's, that's, it's just how people view themselves as what people see of them online. So you can't respond, but how are you going to stop yourself from going online? You got to give your passwords to a friend of yours. You have to. You got to change all your passwords unless your friend have them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then change, you gotta change your reset email to your friend's email address so you can't


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Log back in. I mean, literally, you're gonna wanna check.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now, even though you're gonna wanna check and you probably will fail and check here or there, take, take the apps off your phone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take Twitter off your phone. Take Instagram off your phone. Uh, go to your girlfriend or wife. You have an iPhone. Put a one-minute block on Twitter, Instagram, any other social media you're on. YouTube. Anything. One minute. So you can't even get on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then let them put the password in there, so you can't get- Now, all those passwords, give to a friend. Give it to anyone. Give it to me. I'll fucking watch them. Eh. I'm not the best guy, actually. I'll fuck with you. I like pranks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, no, no, no. If you gave it to me and said, don't break off for the, if I found your email address or whatever, or your passwords, I would fuck with you. But if you actually gave it to me, I have a code of ethics. I live by a code, you guys. It might not seem like it, but I live by a code and that code says, if you're like, Hey, don't fuck with this, I'm letting you have, but don't fuck with it. Then I won't fuck with it. Absolutely not. Also, um, if I try to fuck with you once and it fails, if you catch me not trying again, otherwise just being annoying, you gotta live by a code.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is a difference that say nothing publicly, don't respond to anyone for sure. Cause they're not there to like, hear your side. They're there to like, get you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're going, you're going to try to convince them. They're not there to be convinced. They're there to like catch you in some, some thing. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you have done something to someone or something, you know, if you are genuinely sorry, before the rage came in, like Renazzi was like, hey, shouldn't I lie? I'm sorry. We all fucking taunted him for six months. We took care of it. And then it was over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He didn't gain anything out of it, the friends he had knew him, we fucking made fun of him for six months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's over. You don't need a help. It's like when somebody gets out of prison for seven years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For fucking robbing somebody and you're like, hey, fuck you, you robbed somebody. It's like, dude, they already did the time. Steve did so much more than enough. So. You got to get them offline. No matter what, get the fuck offline. Um, know that the threats are not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are not, so you gotta convince your friends and your family, or their friends and family, because their friends and family are not gonna know it. They're either gonna be legitimately scared of you. That was one of the things that happened with, with my last thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess people who felt justified called comedy clubs and said, I'm going to shoot the place up tonight because Ari Shafir's there. Now all you're really doing is instilling fear in some woman who has a job at a comedy club. Didn't tweet anything, didn't write anything. You just made her scared for no reason. They called like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Someone I've worked with and said we're gonna come rape you. Here's your home address. I have your home address. And it's like, it's crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not thought out. And I know a lot of people say like, with cancel culture, let's say, they're like, it's not, it's not cancel culture, it's backlash. It's people like, I don't want to do business with you anymore. And say, and that'd be fine. Most comics I know are like, that's totally cool. But it's not that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People on your team on your side are going too far. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're taking more actions than that. They're, they're calling, uhm, people who sponsor your podcasts or they're calling, uh, uh, networks saying you shouldn't work with them, putting pressure on them, people who don't give a fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're saying, we want you to not work with them also. And that's what cancel culture is, is going out of your way to make sure they don't work. Not you saying, I don't like this restaurant. It fucking sucks. It's standing with a picket outside saying this restaurant sucks. Let's get them out of business. So the threats are not real. You should know that. Um, and by the way, okay, here's the last one. You got to understand this and it's going to be hard. Your friends are going to betray you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gonna be really difficult. People you love. People you thought would stick up for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or not really gonna stick up for you. Or they'll say like one nice thing about you and then a bunch of shitty things. Instead of just keeping quiet, or what you would hope for they would do is just go, hey, this guy, uh, Shane Gillis has always been funny, so he's funny on comic, for sure he meant this as a joke, you guys need to get the fuck off his case. I did it with Renazzi, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, hey guys, you're out of your mind. That guy's a good dude. He didn't get anything out of this. He didn't fucking do anything to anybody. You need to feather and lay the fuck off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's hard, it's hard to be that guy, especially when you get caught up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Here's what you gotta know about your friends when they fucking turn on you and they probably won't say nice. It probably just be like, it was out of line. It was so stupid. It was fucking, it wasn't funny. It was fucking wrong. None of that is going to help this fucking avalanche of hatred coming at you. What you gotta know about your friends is they are sick. They have a sickness. They're online too much and they feel like their words are important and they are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But they feel like they have to join in with a mob, even though they don't want to. It'd be very hard if one of your friends, but not that hard when you think about it. If my friend killed somebody, if Joe List murdered somebody that I didn't know,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't need to go online and say, hey, fuck him, he's a murderer. In fact, I'm gonna go the opposite, cause he's my friend. I'm gonna put him in the trunk of my car, I'm gonna try to drive him to the border, try to get him to Mexico, get him to freedom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can deal with what you've done later, but right now, you're my friend, I'm gonna support you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, I get it if you don't want to draw more attention to your friend's thing that they're going through. There's other ways to do it. You can be like, hey, so and so has always been funny. If it's a friend who's not in the industry, maybe they're a singer. Just be like, hey, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This guy's song always made me smile. I love that song. Just say something nice about them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, another way you can support them is what I got, is though there were a few knuckleheads online who felt like they had to say something shitty and pile on more on me, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got an avalanche of supportive texts and phone calls from comedians. A few were just like checking to see what was going on, but lots were like, hey man, you're a great guy. Don't worry about this. And that's important too, because when all this shit's happening to you, you really start to feel like, do they all hate me? Maybe they all hate me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you get a call from a Josh Wolf or a Fitzsimmons, Jimmy Carr, all these people who like reached out and be like, Hey, you're cool. Joey Diaz, Ms. Pat. Everybody reaches out and says,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously you're my friend. I'm just checking in on you and making sure you're okay. And when you don't know what anybody thinks, you start to think each individual one will turn on you. So when you get this text of someone saying like, Hey buddy, hope you're doing okay. You realize, Oh shit, at least that's one guy who doesn't hate me. You think maybe I'll just say nothing. It, it helps if you reach out and that's what I try to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I've done this for a long time because I've known these things for a long time. I've done it for years and years. I'm not even going to say who, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You find their old email. Do you ask anybody if you know their- their-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their fucking phone number or email, send them an email. Just checking in. Hope you're doing great. You've always been my friend. You still are. Uhm, I'll do it to people who have turned on me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will go out of my way to, even though they've done these shitty things to me, it's like no one should go through this. You know when they say like, I don't wish this on my enemies? It's like it's true. No one should go through this. So even though I'm kind of buffered and I'm able to like handle it because of experience,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, still no one should go through it. So even people I'm like, if I was sitting at a table with five guys and, and some dude who I dislike sat down, I'd be like, excuse me, and I'd fucking leave. I will still reach out to them to make sure they're okay. To check in on them and say, don't worry about this. It'll all pass. And to give them the advice of get the fuck offline.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay? Cause you can't use an excuse like, they did it to me, I'm gonna do it to them. You don't believe in this thing. Okay? Have some integrity. You don't believe in this fucking use of a weapon of public shame. So don't do it to someone else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should be clear on this. I have done it to people. I've joined in on these things. I'm not perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so this is what it means to live by a code. This is also part of my code. When you fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you accidentally don't live by your code, you have to own up to that to yourself. Own up to it to yourself. And say to yourself, I fucked up my code there. I gotta correct it however I can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apologize to the person, say publicly what you need to, to go against what you said publicly, whatever it is, whatever your code is, whatever you fucked up. Apologize to yourself, write it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Use it, let that fucking awful feeling sink in, and then be better next time. That's part of the code too. So, understand that your friends are gonna betray you, it's just because they're sick. They have an addiction, and they can't help it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even if they have, you know, 3 million followers or 30 followers, everyone thinks their words are important online. It's crazy. It's a sickness. One time, here's a good example, one time I was in, uh, me and David Taylor used to do this show called the David Taylor Catastrophe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Five dollar cover, uhm, free beers. That's how hard it was to get people to come to our show. It's a midnight show on like Friday or Saturday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In LA, the UCB, the now defunct UCB, they went out of business, not for continuously not paying everybody for the entire run of their, even though massive backlash saying, whatever, I don't want to get into that. Don't write anybody. So, uhm, David had a bunch of extra beers in his car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's sober now. He's been sober for a while. He's into running now. Uhm, you gotta replace an addiction with an addiction. Our buddy saw us at the Thai place and came in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In Los Feliz and he was like, how are you doing? I want to get a drink, but it's, he asked me, like, how's clothes. So David goes, well, I got beers in my car. And he's like, really? He goes, well, they're warm by now. He goes, I don't care. Fucking addicts don't give a shit. And we're about to order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And David goes, yeah, I'll walk you to the car. It's like three blocks away. I'm like, no, no, just give him the keys. Let him come back. He was our buddy from the commune, so we're all door guys together. And David's like, no, no, I'll walk him. And I was like, ah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause now I had to wait. I had to wait for them to walk three blocks, give them the fucking beers, and walk three blocks back. It was gonna be ten more minutes before you ordered, you know? Maybe more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got back, I was like, David, why don't you just give him the keys and tell him to fucking get his beers and then bring the keys back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was, back then. He was a bad act. He would tell you to, I'm not gonna say his name, but he would also tell you. He was an addict.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, I was like, what do you mean? He's like, he can't help himself, dude. He's not thinking clearly. Who knows what he'll do? Maybe he'll steal my car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If he did steal my car, it wouldn't be him deciding, fuck David, I wanna steal his car. It'd be the addiction taking him over.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So all those people who turn on you, you gotta tell your friends that if they're going through this and if it's you, I'm talking to you. All your friends who turn on you, it's gonna be hard. You have to forgive them. Almost instantly. You have to say,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This sucks. It's bad that you're drawing more heat on me now than I had before. This definitely isn't helping me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's making people hate me more when you could just start the tide turning and go, hey, fuck you, that's my friend. He's always been funny. He always goes for jokes. Even if you don't like it, fuck off. He's going for a joke and that's what we do in this business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously that would be the best case scenario for you. They're not going to do that. You have to forgive them because they're addicts. They're addicts to the hot take. They're addicts to getting their words worshiped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So tell your friends who are going through an E-Rage or if you're going through one, I'm telling you, you're gonna have to take it in for a second.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See it? Try not to look because you shouldn't even see them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You shouldn't, that's why I wanted to tell you to get offline. You shouldn't see your friends turn on you. But if you see it, if you find out about it, if somebody's like, you know, someone's gonna talk shit about you, don't look that up!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just go, ah, I'm sure they got caught up in the moment, or I'm sure it was taken out of context. And if you see one,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reach down deep and forgive them because they're not stealing your fucking stuff when you were gone. They're an addict who's stealing your stuff when you're gone for heroin money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're stealing it for likes on Instagram or Twitter or for their podcast clips. That's what they're doing. So you have to forgive them and they'll probably never apologize to you and it's okay. Still forgive them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's the way you survive it. That's the only way to survive it. I've been through many of these. Never respond. Get offline. My response for this last thing, it was trash. I shouldn't have said anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I failed under the pressure. It was trash. Or if I said something, I definitely should not have fucking spoken to the people who were mad at me. Should have spoken to the people who were not mad at me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just said, hey guys, you know what this is. I was trying to say there was a two day window where I thought I could save my special. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unrelated to Twitter, it wasn't like kick him off Twitter. It was like, Hey, he does standup comedy. And it's like, let's call. And by the way, that wasn't canceled because of any sort of moral.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take. I'm saying I don't want to work with art anymore. It was just threats of violence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's definitely getting things cancelled. I'm sure people are like, they'll be fine, but you don't know what it's like to be an artist. At all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tell fucking Monet, instead of twelve paintings this year, you can do one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you can do one in a couple years, you'll be fine, you're rich, it's like, that's not what we're in this for, we're not in this for money. Whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was shitty, it was wrong. It wasn't, it wasn't good. I've taken it down, but... I'm telling you guys now, that's not what I should've said. Uhm...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's not even a point now to say what I should have said, but I should have just told you guys, like, hey,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it was already like, specials guy would be like, hey guys, you know what this is? I fucking made a killer fucking joke. You guys laughed. People saw it, who were never even in the room.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they got super mad and they kept sending it to other people who would get more mad instead of going like, yeah, I'm not going to ruin some of my friend's day. So they just kept spreading it. Just drop it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thesis, if you don't know, is I think people overvalue celebrities, myself included. When Tom Petty died, I got legit upset. Wasn't even making new music. Cliff Robinson just died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was my favorite basketball player for a long time. I got legitimately, I was down. I was like, oh, I hadn't heard about Cliff Robinson for fucking 15 years. I was like, oh, I ruined my day. And I think that's stupid and shitty. So, you say something bad about people.


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[Assistant] You know, it's like when all your friends are talking about somebody you all love, you know how people in your group, there's one guy who everybody loves, Ryan Hamilton. Everyone's like, dude I love how Ryan Hamilton, I saw him at Joe's wedding, what a great dancer, like dude he is a great dancer, what a great guy, always a smile on his face, oh everybody loves him, one time he helped me, oh man what a great guy.


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[Assistant] And that's funny, because obviously I don't mean it, but it's the funniest thing to say. I find it boring and PAP to just go, yup, he's a great guy. And when everyone's fucking...


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[Assistant] Morning, some celebrity they don't know over the normal human's life. I'm like, nah, let me fucking mix that up. So you say something potentially fucking shitty and that's the joke. And all your followers and your friends, you're like, that's funny. I go to Aria, I go for a good laugh. Even when I'm feeling it, get a good laugh. Um,


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[Assistant] So I would tell people like, Hey, you guys know what this is. It's just fucking the backlash got going too much. Don't worry. I'll be back in a year or two and I'll record this special. And this is just the price. This is just the price of fucking on the line comedy. Uh, and people are like, well, it's not funny. Like who cares?


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[Assistant] So I don't know what to tell you, but yeah, if you're not here for the setup, for sure, you're not going to laugh, but I'm not talking to you talking to the fans. So you guys, it's too bad. I couldn't bring it that special. Um, it might never be recorded. I don't know. It might, but it might not. Um,


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[Assistant] I don't know. If I'm trying to think of that, if that happened to somebody else, I'd be like, that's, that's bad. If I can't see you.


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[Assistant] If you think this is an art form, comedy, then like, I can't see a work of art because, is there other work of, is there other thing? A tweet? Fuck it.


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[Assistant] Nah, that's unrelated and it doesn't even matter. Ah, whatever. Anyway, the point is, I caught a cold, cold past, no big deal. Uhm.


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[Assistant] And that's always who it is. So anyway, you guys, uhm, that's the episode.


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[Assistant] I hope you can see now, the similarities, and I hope you can see that if you see one of these,


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[Assistant] To know, like, maybe someone you don't know, just know, one, they almost definitely did nothing wrong. It's looked at in the worst possible light. That's what, that's what one of the, the tenets of an e-rage. They looked at anything in the worst possible light. Let's just say, they don't consider typos.


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[Assistant] Maybe I was typing, here's a great one. Some dude was taking a picture.


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[Assistant] Cell phone picture. Little kid right out there where you are on the camera, right? Take a picture of a little kid in a mall. The mom shot a picture of this guy taking a picture of her kids. Started posting it. This fucking pedo creep is taking pictures of my kids.


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[Assistant] The guy goes home, goes about his day. His life is slowly being ruined. It starts spreading. We gotta stop this pedophile. He comes home to his boyfriend or husband. Uhm, he was a homo. Uuuh, sexual. And...


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[Assistant] The boyfriend of the husband, whatever, let's call it a husband, uhm, he goes, oh, you're in real trouble. You're taking pictures of a little kid? What was that all about? Doesn't like little kids? Likes old men. And he goes, what do you mean I didn't take a picture of a little kid?


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[Assistant] He goes, yeah, you were taking a little picture, picture a little kid in the mall and you're fucking, everyone wants your job. They want you fired. They're angry at you.


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[Assistant] He's going like this, if you're on the YouTube, youtube.com slash Ari Shaver. He's going like this, you can see it. Uhm, he's taking a selfie. There was a Star Wars display behind him.


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[Assistant] He was taking a selfie. This lady thought he was taking a picture of her kids.


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[Assistant] Tries to ruin the guy's life. Wasn't even that at all. Wasn't like I was taking a picture of your kid for something else. Wasn't even taking a picture of his kids. Another time, uhm, these two dudes, that was more of a lefty one, right? These two dudes were, uh, old men driving a hearse with a flag on it, which means soldier, a veteran who died. I don't know if that means they died in action or whatever. And there was a picture of this hearse pulled over at a Dunkin Donuts.


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[Assistant] And then, it was just attached to that, how dare you disrespect a hero by stopping at a fucking Dunkin' Donuts? Outrage ensued, more and more and more anger, more and more anger.


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[Assistant] Fire from the job, that story's an obvious one. The employer, it's not even their fault. It'd be great if an employer stuck with somebody and be like, no, I don't care, the fucking backlash, I'm a human, I know those guys. We'll go out of business. The Stan Comedy Club? They're that. They're like, we'll go out of business before we turn on a comic for a joke.


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[Assistant] You can come at us all you want. We will never bow down to that because we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves.


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[Assistant] A lot of these companies, they're like, look, I'd love to support you, but I can't. The best case scenario, oh, hold on, I'll finish this. So uhm,


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[Assistant] They're like, how dare you disrespect servicemen by stopping at a Dunkin' Donuts. Now these guys were like, uhm, it's a 16 hour drive from where we picked up the body to where we dropped it off. So yeah, man, we got to eat. That's pretty standard to stop for food.


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[Assistant] Uhm, so you're looking at it the worst possible way. The worst possible way is, you disrespect a serviceman. The normal way is, oh yeaah, just stop. I'm sure that's normal. Let's stop him from food.


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[Assistant] And that's what almost all of these are. When you see them, start to understand that now. Start to see, like,


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[Assistant] Oh, they're looking at this wrong. A typo, like uhm, oh, here's a great one. There's this cartoonist in an Australian newspaper. It's a big to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not a cartoonist, a caricaturist. And he painted, he did a caricature of Serena or Venus Williams.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I think Serena Williams. Big giant nose, big fuckin' lips. Stuff generally associated with racism, uh, and the betrayal of black people.


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[Assistant] Now, they were like, fuck you, how dare you in today's day and age to draw big lips and big noses on a black person. That's fucking ridiculous. Uhm, she's, she's a champion. She's a proud person. How dare you do that? The newspaper, for once, stuck with the guy. They didn't fire the cartoonist, they stuck with him. You know what they did?


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[Assistant] They put on their cover the next day, or maybe in the magazine somewhere, let's call it the cover. They put...


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[Assistant] 12 other caricatures that that guy's done over the years.


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[Assistant] All of white people, all with giant noses and giant lips.


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[Assistant] And they put a statement with it saying, hey guys, this is what a fucking caricature is. You fucking exaggerate the features!


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[Assistant] He does the same shit on white people. He's been a valued member of our staff for fucking years and years and we will absolutely not turn on him for something we think is ridiculous and wrong. That is how you have goddamn integrity.


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[Assistant] He's our friend. So Diaz said about me and not this last one, but like two e-rages ago for me.


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[Assistant] And my other friend was like, oh, I don't know if he was right or wrong. And Diaz was like, who cares? It's our friendship. But was he right?


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[Assistant] And he goes, who cares? That's our friend. End of story.


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[Assistant] And she goes, oh my god, you're right. Yeah, that is end of story. He's our friend. End of story. The fuck does me piling on do anything? So again, I've done it and I've been wrong to do it. So when you see these, even if you don't know the person,


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[Assistant] Do something to support them. Know they're probably being misrepresented. So if you see like everybody's mad at, who knows who.


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[Assistant] And then if they're like, fuck you for standing up for him, like I didn't really say anything about the issue.


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[Assistant] Or just go like, hey, that guy's always been funny. Or like, hey guys, you're probably wrong, he's probably making a joke. Or like, hey guys, here's the world you want. If a guy like Shane Gillis can't make a joke, or a guy like, fucking, uh, um, uh, Corinne Fisher,


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[Assistant] Can't do a riff on our podcast and say, I like fucking black guys. When did that, by the way, become racist to say I do like fucking them? It used to be the sign that you're not racist. Um, I have had sex with two black women by the way. Um.


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[Assistant] Did you know what the world you want is? The world you want is super safe.


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[Assistant] So you're not gonna get, and if you're like, well, it wasn't funny, you gotta do it funny. It's like, oh, that's, that's fine. We know we walked the line. We know we walked the line with a joke like that, that if you don't like it, like, I'm never gonna listen to your podcast again. But if you try to...


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[Assistant] Out somebody, get them fired from a TV show or make them lose sponsors. What you're doing is you're telling young comics to not take a chance. Cause the idea like we have to get it right, that doesn't work either.


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[Assistant] Five years might pass and it's no longer right. You're reading the zeitgeist right then. Or you're doing a riff and it didn't go over. I've had sets on stage where I've cursed too much. I can feel it. And now I try to pull it back.


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[Assistant] If you just isolate that clip, like, wow, he curses too much. I'm like, yeah, I'll tell you, that's correct. So, you're self-correct, right?


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[Assistant] You don't allow that with these e-rages. You don't allow self-correction. You're saying to all the young comics, anyone who's saying some, any comic who says some comic did something wrong, you're telling all the young comics,


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[Assistant] If you try to come close to the line, there's a solid chance that I'm going to turn on you too. And I'm going to try to make it so you can't be in this industry anymore. That's not the world I want to live in. Is it the world you want to live in? Now, here's the hard part. Go back in your own brain and think about any of the times that you've reached out


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[Assistant] Try to shit on somebody for trying a joke that you didn't like.


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[Assistant] Try to remember those times. Here's the responsibility. Go correct it.


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[Assistant] Find your tweet. See all the people that responded. Reply to each and every one of them. Saying, hey, by the way, I thought about this. I was way wrong. That guy was not an asshole and he was actually just riffing on his podcast. Wasn't even racist. He was saying there's a racist character in there. Like Shane did. He was just saying there's a racist character.


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[Assistant] Wouldn't it be ridiculous if some, if that's how Chinatown was started? A racist?


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[Assistant] Throwing out an idea? Well that's ridiculous. And ridiculous is a lot of times where funny lies.


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[Assistant] In the wrong sometimes, you know? Where it's like, it's inappropriate. Inappropriate comedy is a form of comedy. So is prop comedy. I don't have a problem with any of them. Any of them are fine. Any style of comedy is totally fine. Act outs are fine as much as well written punchlines and jokes. They're all a great way to mine for laughs.


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[Assistant] And I get it, if you don't think it's funny, there's a solid chance that you might have been triggered by it.


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[Assistant] The same people who got super mad at me for making a post about the Notre Dame Cathedral when it burned down are very different people from the people who got mad at me for making a joke about Kenny Rogers when he died and very different from the people who got mad at me for making fun of Kobe Bryant when he died.


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[Assistant] There's always people saying, you're a fucking awful comic. I don't think that's funny at all. And then a bunch of other people laughing hysterically because they're already in the know. They were there for the setup. I told Jim Norton this.


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[Assistant] So Shane Gillis, Corinne Fisher, they're doing something on their own podcast, right?


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[Assistant] And each of them, by the way, had one person that's looking to start a fucking fire. That's where it's weird too.


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[Assistant] Uh, Corinne had that one lady who was trying to like, you know.


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[Assistant] Clout chase is the word they're trying to gain fame off that. You should have seen with me, you should have seen all the people going, like Ari is looking for, what is it? He's trying to cash in on a celebrity's death as the giant picture of Kobe Bryant is in their fucking thumbnail.


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[Assistant] With the Ari Shafir evil. It's like you're cashing in on my hard work. I fucking walked the line and you're making money off it.


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[Assistant] So Shane Gillis has his friends, you know, they say inappropriate things, they sign up for that. And then you forward it to someone who wasn't even there for, they don't know who Shane Gillis is and they're mad at him. Like yeaah, you're not supposed to be here.


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[Assistant] Corinne's talking to her own fans. I'm talking to my own fans. I know it's public and anyone can hear it, but the world you want is one in which comedians don't take chances. That's the world you want.


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[Assistant] But I don't think you want that world, especially not if you're listening to this podcast. So go correct yourself.


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[Assistant] See what it feels like. I bet you'll feel good. I really do. I bet you'll feel good. If you go to somebody and go, not just to the person, and then really fucking go out of your way to correct it. Spend a whole day correcting your mistake. I bet you'll feel good.


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[Assistant] So that's the podcast everybody. That's the end of it. If you want to support me, so the next time I do this, because I personally,


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[Assistant] Try my damnedest not to fall into the influence of what the backlash might be.


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[Assistant] And I have accepted that I will lose sponsorships left and right. That's just the reality. And it's okay because I make a lot of money. Not a lot of money, but I make enough that I can pay for my rent and...


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[Assistant] Well, I'd lose a shitload of money on the studio on this podcast, but, uhm, I make enough to get by to be happy.


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[Assistant] So if you go on my Patreon, patreon.com, slash Ari Shafir, or patreon.com, slash Skeptic Tank.


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[Assistant] We're going to have a new Patreon coming soon for six and jump because we just cannot get our fucking, the rights done.


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[Assistant] You'll support me so that I can not even feel the fucking pressure to comply.


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[Assistant] If I can just get by with this shit, that's why I love those patrons, man. That's why you guys are great. If I can just get by on this stuff, make a decent living, then I don't have to feel any pressure, I don't have to be holding to anybody's idea of what I should be. Because to me, what I really want from any artist, is I want you to do it your way. I don't want you to try to please anyone, I want you to do it your way. So,


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[Assistant] Guys, that's the episode. I think it was fucking brave of Shane and Corinne and Renazizi.


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[Assistant] To come in here and maybe risk rehashing this fucking anger.


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[Assistant] So they can just say what this is, and maybe fucking curb this thing a little bit. All you need is a few people. When something happens, if you see somebody, all you need is a few people to go, nah, nah, fuck them, that lady's funny. Nah, nah, fuck them, that guy was going for a joke. Nah, nah, fuck them, that's a song.


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[Assistant] Nah, fuck you. That's a fucking painting. You don't know what it's about. Nah, you're not gonna stop the arts.


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[Assistant] You just get a bunch of people saying that and then it just kind of like dissolves. You'll still get a few crazies, but the, the mass of fucking anger will just get broken apart. So that's it. Make sure to check out John Ronson's book. So you've been publicly shamed. Check out all their podcasts. Steve Renazzisi. Um, what's the odds? Shane Gillis, uh, the Matt and Shane secret podcast. Kieran Fisher at philanthropy gal, um, uh, uh, without a country with Joe DeRosa.


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[Assistant] Find them all on Instagram, they're all in there, at Steve Renazzisi, at Shane M. Gillis, at Philanthropy Gal. I'm Ari Shaffir.


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[Assistant] Interesting, right? I mean, you can see why I've been wanting to do this for a fucking while. Way before this fucking Kobe thing. Way before I've been wanting to do this. These things come. These things come and come and go. And as the emotion goes...


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[Assistant] Things go too. Did I mention this in the podcast? I've had a few people, which is my favorite thing.


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[Assistant] Write to me like three months later and go, Hey man, that was, that was wrong when I did, that was too far. And I looked back one message back and it was, fuck you, kill yourself, you're scum. And then they asked us some reflection. I realized, and that's a real fucking honest, brave thing to do to apologize. It's great. And a lot of people like, I'll never apologize. You're done with me forever. I'm like, really? I'm done with you forever because I made a joke about your hero.


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[Assistant] I made fun of the sixth best Laker of all time. So you want to kill me? Fuck it out of your mind. You want me to feel bad forever? Sorry, dude. Go get your tattoo, bro. Um, so ladies and gentlemen,


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[Assistant] That's been R.E. Shaffir, Skeptank, episode 399, E-Rage, next week, is, uh, is Danish and O'Neil, episode 400, uhm.


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[Assistant] For C-Rena Zizi, for Corinne Fisher, for my-


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[Assistant] Vice president of mayhem, Shane M. Gillis. I'm Arshafir, saying so long.


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[Assistant] The funnest thing for mine is that, uh, and then I'll really go. The funnest thing for mine was that, you know, it triggers people who are on the inside. Catholics got really mad at my Notre Dame tweet.


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[Assistant] 48 year old, you know, conservative people, some veterans got mad at fucking Kenny Rogers. Uhm, nobody really got mad at Adam West or either Franklin or people who got mad. Uhm.


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[Assistant] Dylan McKay or whatever his name is from 902 and also people got mad at that too soon. But I'm like, no, for you, but for me and my fans, right away is the right time. That's cool. Just don't follow me. I'm not for you.


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[Assistant] What was I gonna say? Oh, the funny thing is, it triggers people on the-


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[Assistant] Who are too close to her, right? The Catholics couldn't see any humor in, in that stuff. In the, in the Catholic church burning down.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and you know who was triggered the most by a joke about a hero to Los Angeles? People who live in Los Angeles. They couldn't see how anything could be funny about it.


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[Assistant] I mean, you could replace Kobe Bryant with some fuckin' Hall of Fame cricketer, uh, from the West Indies.


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[Assistant] That's the thing about being triggered, you don't know you're triggered, you just can't see the humor. I mean it's like right after your dad dies, it's like he makes fun of your dad, you're like, now's not the time.


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[Assistant] I loved how much it exposed, uhm, uh, the fuckin' biases of those people. Out of those, a lot of people, especially the comedians, would be like, no, no, you always gotta protect jokes, and then be like, but not that one.


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[Assistant] Follow them online and check, give their podcasts a fucking chance. Uh, really, they're all fucking funny. Uh, I'm Ari Shaffir. So long everybody. Enjoy your fucking life. Live in positivity. Get off Twitter. For sure get off Twitter. It's the worst. It's the worst. And set fucking, uh, time limits on your, on your social media. Twitter.


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[Assistant] Their algorithm sets it up to make you mad so that you'll be on there more so you can see more of their ads. They are trying to make you mad and we are powerless to stop it because they have engineers working for them and we just like guessing.


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[Assistant] You gotta get the fuck off there. It's awful. It's like, it's like the early days, this is what Gia Tolentano says, and I think she's right. It's like the early days of fucking.


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[Assistant] Uh, chemical shit. Research and shit. And they're like, just polluting everywhere. And so like, oh, you can't just throw those chemical waste everywhere. Like, oh, sorry. That's what fucking social media is right now. It's bad and it's unregulated and they don't give a fuck about you. They're just trying to sell Snickers bars.


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[Assistant] So limit your shit and get the fuck off Twitter. That thing is never coming back. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Ari Shaffir. So long!


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[Assistant] One hour Comedy Central special, Paul Verzee, right there.


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[Assistant] That's right. So why don't you read the Laughable app right now. Uh, Laughable is the app to use. Right now it's on iPhone. It is the one to use to find all your favorite pop comedy podcasts, all your favorite comedians. Uh, coming early next year, first quarter, it's going to be finally on Android. Ooh, and you can buy socks now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Liz said the, called hook, said hooker. Yes. As a general term.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] After this is out, uh, you'll be, uh, watching the David Bryan episode, uh, live from the shed. Uh, it was amazing. Uh, we got a lot of awesome cool stuff coming up this year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, yup, yup, yup. I want them to go out and have fun. But it's like, yeaah, we have responsibilities to them.


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[Assistant] Hinge, trying to find love. Yeaah, he's been on Hinge.


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[Assistant] What? That's not your twin flame? No, no, no, no. What was you doing?


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[Assistant] I'll- I'll fall for you if you look like Larry Davids, like yea, right? Yea, fuck it.


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[Assistant] He finally like tapped out, he's like, dude, I put on Bad Vegan cause I was like, yo, this is funny, like this is Bill's shit. Like, that's Bill's funny. You know what I mean? Did you see Bad Vegan? I haven't watched it, no.


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[Assistant] Like, take your shot. And like, this duel is like, the funniest shit to Matt.


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[Assistant] It's shocking that uh, the book that Matt is having me read, the Steppenwolf book, it's crazy that it's in the 40s. Really? Yea. It's like this though. It's like, the dude's like an old timer for his time. Oh yea. He's nuts. That's fucking bizarre.


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[Assistant] Bad boy bubby. Bad boy bubby's nice. Same thing. Oh, you got it. Bad boy bubby lives in a basement with his mom, and she convinced him that the air outside was bad to breathe, so he grew up with gas masks. Like, anybody from outside had a gas mask on. And like, he's just, isn't he fucking his mom? He's just in there fucking his mom. Oh, is this what you guys are doing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was like that, when we watched that, Bad Boy Bubby and Gummo in like one night. Gummo was fun. Yeah. Gummo was just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yep. All day long someone's just going to and fro. I was playing in Fairmount and it was just like middle of the day. Everybody's just sweats. Oh yea. You know what I mean? Just everyone's in chill mode. Why?


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[Assistant] It is fucked up dude, like that fame book from that chick from uh, can't remember her name ever. It's uh, well the guy from Ozark's sister.


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[Assistant] They were in a TV show together when they were little and like, fame just gets put on you.


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[Assistant] And it's just this bizarre thing that you gotta deal with. You know what I mean? Mhm.


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[Assistant] When you read his, when you read his book, he got cocked. It's not just, yea, it is funny. I still don't understand that cocking story.


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[Assistant] That's why I think those like, those rings of like, those blackmail rings are so successful. So some guy will come up and be like, yo man, you don't have to worry about anything. We got all the bases covered. You won't get busted. But then they know. They own you. Yea, but dude.


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[Assistant] That's like what that black book shit is. You ever get into the Hollywood madam? No. There was a chick back in the day, like I wanna say it's in the 90's, and she was like running a whole thing for like, elites. So that they didn't get caught.


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[Assistant] It was a big deal. It all came out, she had a public trial. They made like a movie about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Dr. Phil runs the ranch. Yea, Dr. Phil's in this. And he's wrapped up in Oprah, he's wrapped up in John of God, hey, we don't have to go on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Client, we'll rise in the ranks. We got a little fuckin' false start there. Bill thought Tim Dillon was gonna come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Some chick came out and said it was small. Who? Some chick dude. Some whore. Damn.


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[Assistant] Isn't he on vid? Isn't the proof in the thing? Oh, Bill, do you still have those videos? I wanna show Matt. Oh yea, well fuck time. Yea, show Matt the ones where he's like, walking up on- towards you with his knees. Oh yea? He's on- yea. He's like, swiping the- Pause it for a sec.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I mean- He's doing just dick videos where he's like got the webcam set up where he's just walking towards the laptop just with his pendulum dude. Why? Why? He's on me- like the dude is a legitimate- I know, I know.


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[Assistant] When he came out with a book called Beautiful Things, I think, right? Yea. When was this? Like probably a year ago. Like a year ago? He went on like-


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[Assistant] They were like, yo, laptop's fake, here's a book. He went on Kimmel, he went on Kobeir, all that shit. Covered it up.


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[Assistant] They're gone. If you listen to Noah Judd and they keep talking about how people are still in match formation. So people are just still on their teams. Jesus. It's so easy to just like, spin them whichever way you want.


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[Assistant] This is what you should like now. Adam Curry was bringing up the color shit.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, yeaah. What? The COVID, uh, all the COVID, like, uhm, signs were yellow and blue. Kinda fuckin' crazy. Yeah.


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[Assistant] In all that, in all those studies too that came out with like, uh,


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[Assistant] It's fucking nuts, cause Philly went way hard. They still are dude. The rest of the country is like, ah yeaah. New York's ahead of us.


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[Assistant] Dude Matt, I went in to go work, uh, last week and I walk in and the people I'm working for, they both have black, black K95s on. Aggressive. And I'm just there like, it's just the three of us. And I'm like, alright. And then like they ended up taking them on and now there's no masks. It was bizarre.


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[Assistant] They're putting the mask on for zooms while they're home.


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[Assistant] Neo's obviously gonna do numbers, dude. He could have Neo ride in shotgun with him all day.


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[Assistant] Well, I just moved here not long ago. I'm just starting up a job at a Walmart.


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[Assistant] I walked out of the bathroom and saw Drew.


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[Assistant] No, I, I have still been working very much. We're doing a lot of takeouts and we, we've been, we've been doing more business than we've been


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[Assistant] Yeaah, yeaah, it's kinda crazy, just, uh, cause...


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[Assistant] Everything was changing so quickly and we were doing different things every day.


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[Assistant] Uh, sure thing. Hey, uh, by the way, I did see you once at Hilarities.


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[Assistant] Oh, I did have fun. I remember it was like, I don't know. It was like right after LeBron James left.


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[Assistant] We got one championship out of it though.


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[Assistant] You know, Cleveland's had it hard, you know. You guys like to complain about LeBron leaving, huh?


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[Assistant] Yeah, I remember you had that album and Dookie. I used to go to Tri Chester basketball clinic every morning, throw my, the blue Walkman on, throw welcome to paradise. I'm like, dude, it's over. One v one. I'm winning the gold.


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[Assistant] I remember that 311 album, roughly, every now and then. It would come up and then it would just go away. I don't know where the fuck it would go. I remember listening to Beautiful Disasters when I was like 6.


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[Assistant] That, that, uh, all mixed up was a little nicer for an intro. I was listening to Beautiful Disaster this morning, like, should I play this? I don't know. Beautiful Disaster.


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[Assistant] I dude, I did that, uh, my truck's in the shop so I got like a loaner. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's tight as hell. It is wild, like, we're getting into the fucking, uh, 21st century with all this shit. Like, all this, like, I just went up to fucking...


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[Assistant] Phoenixville, to drop a check off to a dude, now it's like, dude, I'll send you an email, fucking Apple Pay, credit card, bank transfer. It's pretty tight, dude, yea. No one can fuck with you either. I really do enjoy, like- It's like, running away, like, oh, I don't have my checkbook. It's like, dude, Apple Pay. Hit the button, dude. You fucking piece of shit. It is nice, though.


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[Assistant] It's awesome, yeah. Did you see what happened in Georgia? What? They're admitting it? Yeah.


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[Assistant] You gotta treat your possessions just like your thoughts. What's that? Did you get pride bathing suits? Pride? What do you mean? Target had a lot of pride clothes.


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[Assistant] That's sad, dude. That's just legitimately fucking people up and people were trying to get it.


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[Assistant] That's on record, yeaah. They shut it down in 76 for like 400 deaths. No, 54. 54, excuse me, I always get it wrong.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I get destroyed for that shit all the time. Like just thinking like somewhat rationally about this. It's like, all right, they care about you so much that they're going to give you a vaccine for free. Why the fuck do they put people in bone crushing debt for cancer? Way more people die of cancer and they don't give you that for, they don't give you chemo for free.


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[Assistant] Dude, that's what I think it was Pfizer did. Like Pfizer was like giving it to, who was that, like Chile or some, uh, Spanish country.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Argentina. Argentina. And they're like, dude, you have to put up shit for us to give you these. So they wanted army bases. Pfizer wanted army bases that's collateral. Yeah. If they didn't pay.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's blowing through a village. Oh yeah, but dude, the fucking news shit, like all the ratings are low. They started off saying Cuba was for vaccines. So all that shit going on in Cuba, at first it was vaccines. They want vaccines and we're not giving them to them.


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[Assistant] And then they transferred over to a U.S. embargo is the reason they're protesting. This is all because of like socialism and communism. And they're like rounding people up and fucking killing them.


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[Assistant] It's just wild, the fucking, like, they're like, they're actually pushing it, like, it's cause of capitalism that they're freaking out. And it's like, no, like, the communist dictatorship that is Cuba is killing these people and they want to leave. And like, the news is like, oh no, no, that's just crazy, the US is dicks.


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[Assistant] And it's famous saying it might be because of cobalt. What, the mineral? They got cobalt mines, yea.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's what I try to explain to my buddies all the time. It's like, so a drug dealer will kill someone because they owe him 10 grand or they beat him for 10 grand. This is Matt's thing. Yeah, same thing. Like when he gets to the billions and trillions, they're wiping countries out.


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[Assistant] That sounds pretty tight. Yeah, all the, those NGOs are fucking insane. Like when that earthquake shit happened in Haiti, like the Clinton foundation later went there and stole kids.


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[Assistant] They got the chick off. It was the missionary stealing kids. You go back to Comet Ping Pong across the street from Comet Ping Pong, who's allegedly smuggling kids is beyond border from Haiti. I mean, it's just, there's way too many, there's way too much shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's real fucking gross. When you start looking into the Epstein shit, like Clinton's down at Epstein's Island with Dennis Hasser, who's just a chomo. Who's Dennis Hasser? He's a fucking, uh, he was like in politics, like some high, like what was he? Speaker of the House or some shit?


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[Assistant] Yeah, like, and this dude was just a fucking chomo. And they're all chilling there, buddy, but it's like, dude, if like- How do you hang out with pedophiles, bro?


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[Assistant] Same with Philly, like they built that one subway line. They're like, Oh yeah, we're not going to use it. What? Philly has a whole underground tunnel.