[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not trying to rain on your parade, dude, but I- Yea, it's okay. We like it. These sound like the worst toys. They are never open.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, Fredricka lived to 17, or 18 maybe. Well, Fredricko? Fredricka. We had a dog named Fred. Where's a female? Fredricka. A little dachshund, smooth coat, black and tan, Fredricka. You have never talked about Fredricka. I've never heard this name before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freddy died when I was probably eight. Oh, rough. This is like a dog that my parents got when they were like dating. Hey Ders, Ders, what did you do to this dog? The dog-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyway, here's the story. And this is our buddy Bill Krebs favorite story of my life. Break it off. Freddie died. And I was like, uh, I think I've told you and you guys don't listen to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freddy died and my parents were like, hey, if you, and I was like, we gotta get another dog. Like we gotta get another dog. I love dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the best dog would be for the family. And I was like, I'm on it. So I bought like these dog books, I'm memorizing facts, and I'm all about the Chinese Sharpay. I'm like, it's the perfect size, uh, it doesn't need to be walked too


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But so I go, Chinese Sharpe's, that's what we gotta get. And I start like putting up these pictures, I'm like, we get this color coat, whatever, they have blue ones. They were actually on the brink of extinction, they were only about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Annoying as hell. Yeah, I was in the kitchen too much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I took French, and they were like, you know how you take a language class and you pick a name from that culture, right? Yes, yes. And you go buy that shit, which I would love to hear everyone's. So, I was Jean-Claude, right? Because of Jean-Claude Van Damme.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Claude has like a hyphen between and so does Sharpay. And one day I was like, I'm changing my name to Sharpay. And she was like, that's not French. And I was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was like, okay, so then like, this teacher was like, this teacher would be like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's got allergies, but she never had them. This is the conspiracy theory. You guys ready for it? Yeah. When she was in Africa, she got malaria, and after she had malaria, allergic to animals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was signed in a bloody paw print.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is that? What's that? Do women have those? Well, you're grabbing your hips. The weathers are the shoulders. The weathers are the shoulders, tight. So like you measure a dog's height from the shoulders. Do we have weathers?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet you I can tell you exactly. If I see one picture of it, give me one picture. I know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Live. We might have something planned. We might not. We might not. Live at the Bullog-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm looking at a goat's dick right now and it is small. Officer, if it was a fruit by the foot closer, I could have died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just too much of a fuckfest, and you know me. The- the prude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, was it, uh, no, let me guess. McLaughlin? Uh, no, that's, uh, Sophie B. Hawkins, right? Natalie Merchant? Sophie B. Hawkins? No, Sophie B. Hawkins does...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey dude, we're shooting, we're fucking on fire, we're coming on fire. Wait, no, no, no, wait, who, who did you think Paula Cole is?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Add the tapes for Monaco. What does that even mean? Are you talking about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. In 2004 or 5 or something. Is it your first gig? My first ever gig. It wasn't, I love the 80s, but it was, uh, one of those. It's one of those. 50 cutest childhood stars. All grown up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know man, it's been a long- it was a long day for me man. Hey, that's crazy. What was the VH1, uh, show that was like the biggest one on VH1? Like change the game. True Hollywood Story? No, it was a pop-up video. Yes, pop-up video, dude. I feel like- I feel like behind the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You don't know who the fuck Linda Tripp is. I still don't. What did she do? She found like the jizz dress?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was like telling her, not knowing that she was recording what she was saying. And she was like prying like, so what was it? And they used it as evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't know. I don't know that, but the fact that Blake just pulled this fact from his knowledge.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's got a bod. She has a cool haircut. Doesn't she have bangs? No, she looks like, she looks like she's definitely got bangs. She bangs! Great Ricky Martin song.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like one of your friend's moms who you were always a little scared of. That's what she looks like. Right. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like she, like when she got mad, she got really fucking mad. You know what I mean? Like she doesn't look, she doesn't have a welcoming face. She looks like she could turn on a dime. Right. She made bad snacks, but she made bad snacks. Well, it would be like too heavy with something. It'd be like, here, it's covered in mayonnaise or something. You're like, there's too much. Right. Yes. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Too much mayonnaise. A little mayonnaise would've been fine. I'm okay, Mrs. Tripp.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you ever have the friends whose, whose parents would get like too angry in front of company? Like where they would like snap on their kids in front of you? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not gonna name names, but I've seen- Well don't name names. Horrible shit. Don't name names, but at least give us their home phone numbers so we can call them. But like, remember you'd be like, you'd be like playing Nintendo and then like 847 and then like from the other room it'd be like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, that was when shit got real, was when the parents were like, Someone's gonna get murdered. You have to go home. Blake, you have to go home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a boss move. My mom would never do that. Constantly. Would never kick your friend out? No, be like, Kyle, you have to leave. No, no. It'd be like, she'd deal with it after. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So you'd be like, Kyle? Yeah, I feel like my mom also, I think our moms are very similar. I don't think our moms ever got that mad. My mom would just be like, eh, fuck it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, mine too. I don't ever remember my mom. Our moms are very similar. They're very sweet to like a fault. Yeah, ever getting that mad. And then the couple, the couple times she would, and I think I might have talked about this before,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you could tell he didn't want to do it, and it was like- What's it called when both your parents are-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember my dad would change his voice. He would have his normal voice and the way he talks. And then it'd be like, you would hear him, I'm listening at the top of the stairs and you hear my mom having this conversation and then he would like drop his voice and go, Adam? Yep. Get down here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's just the, that's just snapping into the dad voice. How come dads get all this stuff? Dad strength, the dad voice, like they got every, what's the mom thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they had baby, nope. Nope, nope. It's gonna be softball, it's not gonna be baseball. I'll give you that much. They're not playing with us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You are your sc- Do you have like a voice that you snap in? Cause I think-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I think I'll have the same effect on my kids that my dad had on me where I was never that scared of him. Like if he...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, that, that's the one that cuts deep. That's the psychological warfare.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess it depends, like I feel like we have good kids so they have like good, like, you know, they're, they feel bad when they do bad things, but if we had like bad kids?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, what? Then you gotta reach down into some shit, man. What if you- Yeah, but I mean, your kids aren't great at all. Well, your kids are probably bad because you made them that. Right? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's see what happens when we cut the cat's tail off. You're like, awww, I don't think that's a good idea. Did you guys ever have any friends like that? That was into...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Small animals, but I feel like a lot of my friends were shooting birds with BB guns and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Like they didn't have the orange dot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The realer looking the better. You were like, yes. We just carried, yes, I remember sharping, specifically sharping it away as a kid.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I don't think any of us were into, in fact, the couple times we actually did shoot something, it was like, it was a real bummer. Then we were like, oh fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was that the same kid that was at the house where the parents were like angry? Was he like, stopped picking on the little guy cause he saw himself?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I, I mean, I had like a war with the squirrels in my neighborhood. I, I'm still convinced.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it just- The bobcat? It just kept walking, like your whole thing is never turn your back on- Oh, is this a new video? Oh yeaah. Ahhhh, I feel like a- Where the guy shoots at it? He's a few years old, I think. No, he was, uh, he had no weapons. No, and he was walking backwards the whole time, he was like, AHHHHH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause the whole thing is like never turn your back on


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On a, on a wild cat. Yea, on big cats. But he, like that mountain lion just kept following him for so long, dude. So long, like kept walking, like, I don't know, you said a squirrel got two blocks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, like a big ass, that's like a, if a 230 pound man. That's a big man. Who's all muscle is swinging on ya. Yeah, you're fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's unmanicured, like a lot of hair. Like a lot of hair. And if this man... Stinky? Is able to sort of sprint up and down mountain sides, while you're...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As just a man who is able to do that, just hanging onto the side. You'd be fucked, dude. You would, but this guy wasn't. He survived the attack, he like kicked it in the fucking head and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, he didn't shoot off the hill, he kicked it off the hill. No, it starts, no, it's, no, no, no. It overshoots him and falls down. I watch it, it overshoots him. Ohhh. He like, kinda moves out of the way, and it like, you see his mouth like pass, his mouth goes like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He screams, by the way. Yeah, come on, you want some of this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, maybe I'm wrong upon the rewatch, but from what I can remember, it was, it didn't even sound like a human. It didn't sound like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, dude, the last thing you're thinking is like, oh, I'm going to sound really dumb on this GoPro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, that is a really good point. If you are getting attacked by an animal, and you are currently GoPro-ing,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would try that at the zoo before you try that in the wild during an attack. Yeah, I feel like during an attack we don't right go to- Hey, that's the difference between us. It doesn't end at the penis. Perfect! You could start at the bear's penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, dude! Nah, I take it back. I'm looking at Bear's penises right now. Not that, not that cool looking. Yea, they're like coiled or something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They got big ass dicks. All mammals can. No man, but they got the length and they got the motion of the ocean. Like their dick can like, got a mind of its own, dude. Well, no, I see what you're saying. I mean, it's cool, but it is weird. It's cool and weird. I agree with both. It's a bagel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a barnacle. Barnacles' dicks are like ten times the size of them. Well, okay, hey, Blake, we gotta start saying these hung like a barnacle. Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake. You hung like a barnacle, dog. Yeah. We're talking about real animals, not a fucking crustacean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Barnacles are- Yeah, but they might as well be. I'm talking about an ax- a mammal, dude. This is getting gray. A mammal? Wait, oh, no, I said animal. Animal kingdom. A barnacle is an animal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, this guy doesn't know the difference between Paula Cole and Linda Tripp, but he knows exactly the size of barnacle cocks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck off, hold on. Mammal with the biggest penis is a blue whale, but in proportion with biggest? What is my search history? Biggest penis...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Relative. Biggest penis on their relatives? Biggest penis relative too?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mammal, the mammal with the largest penis to body size, we have it, is the Fossa Crypto


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you should have said that, cause then we all would have been stoked. You said barnacle and no one gave a shit, man. Well, you didn't because you think barnacles are plants and they're not. They are animals. I know they're not plants, dude, but they're just a fucking thing on the side of a rock when you're scuba diving.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's puma resembling carnivore. This is like not giving me... Todd is saying fossa? Fossa. Fossa. Yeah, a fossa. Fossa. F-O-S-S-A. A fossa. Or a ferret. Oh, well, yeah, it looks like a fucking ferret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, well, this thing looks like it has a big dick. Like, look at its eyes. And the people also ask, is a fossa a cat or a dog? And it's, bro, it's got a big hog. And it's just got a huge big old swagger, dude. It ain't a cat, it ain't a dog, it's a hog. Honestly, it's sexy as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, look at it, it's like a yellow ass, it looks like it's trying to fuck. Every picture is like, it-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, they, like, over the shoulder, just like, looking back, like, wait, were you trying to be nice? I hope so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They are. I love this face. Like if you had one of these at the crib? They are very cool, and also you are absolutely right in saying they all look like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, they might have popped a molly, I don't know. But they are ready. They're G2G. Their eyes have that come hither motion. They got a slender face. Can't tell if it's a cat or a dog. Everything wants to fuck this, bro. Fossa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank God, God didn't give. Yeah, thank God. And all of the Lord's infinite wisdom, he did give the giant, the biggest cock to a fucking barnacle. He gave it to this super sexy cat. He did give it to the barnacle, but mammal-wise.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's kinda scary looking, it's not like a, a nice, nice looking. Oooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ooh, look at this. What is this dick? Whose dick is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a goat dick. Uh, man. You know that was the last podcast we were talking about Michael Douglas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This, I'm looking at a goat's dick right now and it is small.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a wedding to go to on Halloween, so I won't get to, uh, I'm not gonna be doing any dress ups. I did, I just, uh, we hadn't talked about this on the podcast yet, but Chloe and I did do our hot air balloons. And there was, uh, for our anniversary, there was three hot air balloons that went up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Two of them landed safely on the- Two of them exploded. Landed safely on the ground. I was in one of them. One of them got off course, landed in trees, landed on a bunch of trees. Oh my god!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, isn't there anything? They do not tell you any of that, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hot air balloon helmets. There's no extra helmet bag. There's no, what about like a parachute? What about, like is there any form? There's no parachutes, dawg. A hang glider.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're in a parachute. Yea, you're currently in a balloon floating. But they sit it down gently. It's not like they crashed into this tree. They like sat it into this tree where they- But what if you- But what if you did? What if the, yea, what if the basket starts to tip and then you're-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're that crazy couple that goes hot air ballooning. Us adrenaline seekers. You're like a hot air balloon biker gang, dude. It's sick. You start shit with other hot air balloons, like steer next to them and be like, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is cool, dude. You should do it. It's fun. It's super fun. It's, uh, yeah, it's really cool. And then also...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he had eight bottles of champagne. He's like, we gotta finish all the bottles before we can leave. And we're like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but we had a bottle of champagne in the basket. It was, it was, it was dope. Yeah, that's cool, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, this was in Asheville, North Carolina. Beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains. Sure. Okay. Uh, it's very pretty, and that's also why it's kind of a, like, Albuquerque is a great place to hot air balloon. That's where most of the hot air balloon-ing in the country is done there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the puzzle I've done, that Kodak puzzle with all the hot air balloons. Yea, because there's no, you can land anywhere, it's the fucking desert. Yea, no trees, no fossas. And so here, these people got off course and just landed in the fucking, in a pine tree. You know, they just landed in the woods.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you live. Yeah, I wish I landed in the tree, dude. Nah, man, trust me, you don't want to do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know what North Carolina has in the trees, but it's probably dangerous. Probably dangerous as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, that's just cool, man. They finally, they finally nailed something. I like that. I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm liking is, uh, the rings of power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was always a Lord of the Rings guy. I fucking always kind of weirdly geeked out on that stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hear it's really good. It is good. If you liked Lord of the Rings, it's really, really good. Are you fucking with it more than the, uhm, the, uh, Game of Thrones one? House of Dragons? Yes. You are! In fact, by a long shot. Really? That is interesting. It was just a little more fun, it was a little more...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a little brighter, a little more magical. You could see the people. Like the world seemed bigger. Like the few episodes of the House of Dragons I saw was just like... Fuckfest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. It fucking just operates on another level.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I was just, uh, Sarah worked on his show, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In cahoots. Yeah, so we kinda had the inside track on like how Nathan Fielder does it, but I remember when she like told me how he does, I forgot. No spoilers. Oh my god. But it's pretty real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I saw one episode. Wow. Treat yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Freakin' gobble and gobble. It is funny. Funny funny stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's on some weird, weird, weird shit. Weird wild stuff? Weird wild stuff. Weird wild stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I wanna take back calling, uh, Paula Cole into Tripp. I don't know where that came from. Deep recess. I'll text you guys all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In a couple days. No, no, no, no, no. Uh, I would like to give you flowers for doing that because it really started the podcast off strong, confusing, strong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gave us gold, uhm, and maybe you want to apologize for calling barnacles plants because that's pretty weird that you thought they weren't animals. I didn't, well, I didn't really, I didn't say that they're plants. I don't think you said plants. You did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, he said at barnacle it might as well be a flower. What? Well sure, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because it's not like an animal that is walking around, dude. It's this- Uuuuh, okay. It's more, it's more similar to a plant that is just planted right there that does nothing, that you can't pet, that can't, that can't- How big is a sunflower's dick? How big is a sunflower's dick? Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm glad you finally said it, okay? Cause for a while I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, do we think that? I heard about this. Yea, I think it's real. I've heard that too. Of course it's real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How big is the pen? How big is the pen? Whoa, I just opened up physical evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now we can crispy. You didn't hear we're back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wish you were coming live from Broadway. You were just like backstage waiting for your cue.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn, what the fuck was it? It wasn't SpongeBob. What was it? Okay. That was what I was gonna do before the pandemic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I had tickets booked to the Spongebob musical and that shit got


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spongebob did, did have a... Spongebob is a musical. There is a Spongebob Squarepants musical. Still? Uh, maybe? It might be making its round out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This was at like Pantages. Maybe it's off Broadway. Yeaah, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like if you have a YouTube channel, you're off off TV. That's kinda cool. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, you got pre-workout coursing through your veins right now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My bro brother in swole. What is this pre-workout shoe bomb? What is shoe bomb? Go to, go to GNC.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Biden's the puppet, she's pulling the strings, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like, why do- does that come with age, hemorrhaging of back? Like, why does your shit leak out the side? What even causes that? Like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Minimizing, I'm having like a real existential crisis, cause as you know, I'm like in the middle of moving, and like, Oh, you just learned that word? No, I didn't, I've known that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, I had Eric Griffin's first stand-up comedy CD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is my whole life that I collected CDs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm fine. I mean, I miss, I wish we, I wish we took pictures of everyone. Yes, correct. So we had some sort of filing of it. Remember the idea I had? Yeah, which is good. It was a great idea. But here's the thing, guys. I think I'd have a true, like, disorder. Because I really...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, Ders, for instance, I was also looking through all my like graphic novels. I have a ton. But I'd never re-read any of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is why I'm spiraling though, like why do we buy anything? Like why do we have anything?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, and CDs are all digital, like, it just like, con-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really thought we were gonna reignite the flames of planet Hollywood and bring it back. That's not happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying though, that fuckin', that little hack doesn't work for me. She's like, hold the things in your hand. Does it spark joy? It always sparks joy. Everything sparks joy. Exactly, yea, then you keep it. But now I have infinity things, and I don't want them. You have a lot of joy, I guess. Very joy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did find that, Ben. I was like, whoa! Still slaps. Yeah. I was like, whoa! I just opened up physical evidence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, that, that, that's the only reason to have CDs, dudes, cause everything we're saying, like, yeah, besides Neil Young, like, all of this stuff exists five times in my life. I have them all on my laptop, I have it all on my phone, I have it...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can just search it on Apple Music. I'm just hanging on to this weird physical thing that's taking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I literally went on YouTube and I said like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, Ders, I don't think you learned anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Rock's dead. Oh, Rock's dead? Or it just isn't, it isn't the sound that K-Rock subscribes to.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think people go to the radio to discover music.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not going to K-Rock to be like... They used to. They used to. They don't anymore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Broadway show and I'm not kidding.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. He kinda went AWOL, but then the other dude, Mike...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think Mike Love's kinda went a little weird as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There were so many drugs in cartoons. There were so many drugs in cartoons. They had to make the Ninja Turtles tell you not to do drugs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I remember going to stand up a lot with Adam and like learning protocol of like the light with comedy and what the light means is you have to get off stage, right? And you know how like comedians, they try to make it real casual, they're talking and then they'll give like, just like a little head nod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, right. Why don't they just play them off like an award show? Just start playing the music while their set's going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, do you get, do you get a little star by, yeah, do you get a little star by your name if you like run the light? Like do they start to be like, yo, this bro runs the light.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People's shit cools off real quick. Mhm. Yeah, good perspective when you're coming up. Like, like who, like who, Blake?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, who was the guy who said he liked the smell of cookies? That guy was hella funny and then I never saw him again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I could dust it off. I'll, I'll burn it for you, dude. Even though, uh... Please do. I got it, I love it. I have no CD- CD-ROM, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, are you hitting the note? Gorilla Asfar? Just do some Gorilla Asfar? Dude, dust off the classics. I like the classics. Play the hits, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nation.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll tell you right now, if you can do 14, you can do 30. If you can do 30, you can do 60.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think what we're saying is you're, you drink three drinks every night to take the edge off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or you're getting blackout on the weekend. Like Friday and Saturday are like sh- you're shit-canned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that the wolf tequila again or are you off?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, I did, I did a- Yeah, you gotta make it down. I did a little, uh, red bull doggie, sugar free red ful- red fool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, okay. It's perspective. It's his truth. So my perspective. Basically, yes, yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we were really playing. So we played a couple, we played like- Okay, tell your truth, Blake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet it does. I'll say this about Adam and Juan and myself. We are finesse people. We are, we have touch. Kyle and Teddy are like bruisers. They're like clunky, man. Like Adam and I were made to be good at this game. And this is our first time playing and we were kind of talking shit. So we're like, we can beat you right out the gate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Yeaah. You should have heard Kyle's fuckin' pickleball trash talk. He was kinda pissin' me off. Like, when I first roll up, I get the racket, I'm like, there's no, uhm, thing that goes to your wrist, that attaches to your wrist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't you? I don't think we did. I don't think we did. I think we just ran it back. But then I'm like, okay Kyle, let me play a one-on-one game because I want to experience pickleball in its like raw form of one-on-one. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we were, you know, we were, uh, we were going back and forth and the tide started to turn where I got tired. He got tired and I took the lead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a little bit because I'm not great at the game yet and I don't know to like not run as much, but I also kind of wanted to run my natural athletic instinct. I want to move, I want to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's 10-8 and Kyle's back is 2 the fuck. I'm about to beat Kyle. I'm about to beat Kyle. This is my first time ever playing pickleball. This dude has invested his whole adult life into it. In my mind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like he's gonna be really, really fucking sad if I beat him. Like it's at his house. He's all tired, he's frustrated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's at his house. He's invested about 14 pod episodes into it. If I came in here and I was like, I played Kyle and I just beat his ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't let off the gas, I didn't not play harder, but in my mind I was like, man, it's really gonna hurt my homie's feelings if I beat him right here, right now on home court.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm, I'm coming away. Three, three, three games to O.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, we can, and you know what, I think pickleball is awesome, we can put it to bed after that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually what I haven't thought about is we should combine our powers. What are you saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they live on the bottom of the ocean. Yeah, that's correct. They're a flat fish. They're ugly. They're ugly son of a bitch, but they're good eating. I'll tell you what. Hell of it. Hell of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 30 pictures of buttholes. Yes, the degree of blurriness is gonna vary on each butthole, but you know what it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you just, like, what do you mean by that? You think they're actors. Is that what you're saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, they didn't just- You don't think they're a real deal, like slim, shady fanatics? None of them are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I disagree, I think that- They're a little too cute. I think a couple of them are kinda hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was kind of like an intervention of me, you'll see, you'll hear it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a second. Now, who is that talking? Hey everybody, this is Blake, top of the pod to ya. It's Take It Out Tuesday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dough off that shit. They used to call me DVD man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry, my eyes aren't working. Yes, points! That was a good one. From dust to Dawn Liquid Soap. It's a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, offer only. If you- you want him to cut the hair?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We found some naughty drawings on the floor, baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Talk to me, baby. So as, as my boarders know, uh, I run the board through MPC Essentials. That's, uh, the program that I go through. Um, and you know, like tech talk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I tried to open up MPC Essentials, and I got the longest message of gobbledygoo over here. Numbers and letters and-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fact of the matter is, it did not open, and there is a problem that needs to be reported, but!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's putting the clamps down. So I had to go dark web. You're all good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well anyways, so we were rescued by Todd cause he pointed me in the direction that, you know, the border patrol, the board teenagers, they have made.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A soundboard on 101soundboards.com and I am currently using that website.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me see if I can find points on this thing. It's kind of a point and click thing. It's kind of like those old like E-bombs soundboards where you like prank call people and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everybody turn it down. Everybody at home, we're gonna turn ours down. Adam, we're gonna give you the floor to give a private apology to Katy Perry. If everybody can just turn it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That motherfucker put up a doctor strange spell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you just- I don't have the allegedly button on 101soundboards.com.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were drying your clothes and you were- You have a chip rack? You had that. We remember seeing your little recumbent in the back or whatever and there were chips all over it. Oh, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, which is our, what's our sponsor? Let's go ahead and.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they were well represented. They had some cool like new toys that were coming out. It was sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Please. We were working with like a legendary, uh, uh, animator and they, we got to voice the Ninja Turtles for like one scene and it was kinda sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like a sparring thing? Yeah, it was a little sparring match and you were getting pissed off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dude who does Splinter, I think, he does Hella Voices.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We saw him at Comic Con, yeaah, he just rips, he does, like he's the official voice of like Bugs Bunny now, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes. Dude, we ran into him at Comic Con. Kyle, were you with me or was I just with Nudge? But I was pretty hammered and he just started rattling off voices and I was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. Yeah, that video you posted, I was like, god damn. That's a lot of peeps, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think we will ever get to have like maybe the wizards open up for Primus? That could be kinda cool. I mean. Get them out there. I would love.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What if we do kinda like, uh, kinda like Jay-Z on Plugstyle and we go like wizards, we, we, what we call them, through the magic of a crystal ball, and we ask them to...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That if like we truly were like making tons of money on the wizards and we like came to Kyle like yo bro we're not getting paid and he's like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like I haven't been working on this? Of course, that's what I'm trying to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, all there is on, uhm, on Apple Music is, uh, The Wizard's Purple Magic by Breezy247, so I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think he's kind of just riding that sick wave of the wizard's purple magic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important, bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A legendary finger bang. Actually, do you know where the place is to get mushrooms? It's the child's glory hole. What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did you guys see the national championship game, uhm, the other night after the Georgia won? They got the QB was just like, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. It's when you have no words yourself and you just, this is the thing people say and I know and they'll know that I know and I know that they know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let me, Adam, let me, let me, can I saddle you with something, Adam? Please saddle me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Come up with something better. Yeah, like, let's, let's get going!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] First of all, it's for Adam to do. Uh, and that was bad. Uh, I know, that was the point. But Adam, I think if you seriously put your nose to the grindstone, as I know you do, uh, come up with something that's better.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm about to do that. I got a driver from some homies from my 40th and, uh, cause they're like, you're old now, let's play some golf. I got to have the driving range and just undo cause I got a slice. They could cut up a watermelon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, so I'm sorry, real quick, so you're, you're like a bowling purist and you just think cos- but what if you're like, if you're in high school or like younger, what's wrong with Cosmic Bowling?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you, Kyle. I remember Kyle doing the, where you cradle it with your hand and you spin it thing. Yes, I have a wicked spin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, is five pin more of a, is five pin more of a insult to the true game than cosmic bowling, even though you're playing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're fucking, you're fucking doing shrooms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, dude, do you know, actually do you know where the place is to get mushrooms? Where? Where they tell you how heavy the ball is, the weigh station at the bowling alley?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Epic slam, dude. I love them. Real quick, uh, watching Hitchcock the other night, uh, and you brought up Red. I just want to bring this up. This movie I was watching was from like 1935, okay?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go to this, they go back to the dude's apartment afterwards, and uh, she's like, you got any food? And he throws, he's like, how's his herring? And she goes, yeah, okay, great. So he throws a full herring onto like, the skillet for like, after bar food. That's a fish? What? Yeah. The times have changed. And then he pulls out, he's like, you want some bread? Hang on. He goes, want some bread? She goes, yeah, sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He pulls out a loaf of bread that's not sliced. Like a full, like it looks like Wonder Bread and then starts slicing slices and I'm like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, but that's, there's so many things all the time that are like that, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Can you find sandwich bread anywhere? Can you buy sandwich bread unsliced?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, but specifically that kind of like sandwich white bread or wheat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't say your wife... French toast is... Don't say your wife is the cook. Your wife cooks mostly. Most. She cooks the most. She does. She is the cook out of the two of us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good, but pancakes, pancakes are king, and then weirdly as good as french toast is, it's like, it's too decadent, right? It's a lot. It's too much. It's too much. It's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So wait, is your flavor gonna be like, like beet, beet juice or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That reminds me, that's a Powerade, right? It's the White Gatorade. Yeah, I think that's a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, and Anders, the fact you don't know this shows that you aren't a true fan of your favorite thing in the world. Is it a Jones soda? No, but that is what I'm thinking in the apple. Snapple. Orbits? No, no sir. It is none other than...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, what was the deal? They, they, they probably started putting some green dye inside their tangerine drink and kids flipped out and they're like, I'm drinking slime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was also homeboy from uh, Parks and Rec. Frickin' Swanson or whatever. He was like the bacon dude. Oh yea, he was. Bacon. Put bacon on it. He was the bacon eater? And that dude was- everybody knows he was moving the fuckin' needle on what was cool to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I don't- okay, no, now see, now I need- now I've gotta go to Adam. It has to have some sort of value on the market, otherwise- Wait, why? Because then I could say the thing that represents me is like hor- uh, ribs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The vibe, but it's completely different. But not the, not the essence. Like those mint cucumber waters at like spas and shit, those are delicious. I recall the cucumber Gatorade's pretty fucking sweet, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is, what is this specific place you're talking about here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sure, yeah, right, when they ask you at the front desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's true man, back in hell I had to fight through your whole family. It was a wrestling match, we almost got f-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Adam, how many cans, how many cans during this flavor testing did you say you go through?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, you wanna know the real game changer? You wanna know the real licorice game changer?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All the licorices, if it's Australian, that shit is so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Carl is a future thinker. He might not seem smart in today, but he's thinking so many steps ahead that you don't even know what he's saying is intelligent. When he says ice, currency of the future.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, we won't have ice anymore and we're going to be paying for ice. That will be our coin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're running out of characters. We're all dumb as fuck. Everybody in the show is dumb as fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He never did anything too like, stupid. He was like, outwardly like, dumb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you only are following Workaholics on Instagram, I see what you're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, that's incredible. Can you take pictures of him next time? Send them to us?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is it, cause like, there is the weird encounters where people ask you for a photo in the bathroom and that's always kinda like, mhm. Okay, do it quick while my dicks still hardin' out. And then, yea-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is sickenating. It's sickenating, man. This is sickenating me. I was hoping it would be tantalizing, sickenating.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why is there a picture? Zach has a picture of himself grabbing his dick too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the hardest you ever tried, isn't it, Adam?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Adam is like going toe to toe with the fucking effron, baby. That's a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this on my- Come here, I was- On my sweat stain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I, you know what, I'm gonna do a, I'm gonna do a take back. I went a little hard on the, on the Twizzler lovers. I mean, you know, if you like Twizzlers...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To each his own. More, more red licorice red vines for me, okay? But I'm, I'm still not a fan. But I'm sorry I went so hard on you guys. That's my-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Red Vines is the working man's licorice. You get the value tub at Costco. You got the kids can eat from it for a whole frickin' three months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Glad I could be here to, uh, to jump us into 10 straight minutes of Jizz Talk brought to you by Adam.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the rest of us just had like this mouth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, well, it feels good to be back, guys. Thanks, thanks for, thanks for inviting me back. Welcome back! And you're in California? I am, yeaah, I'm in California. I'm in Hollywood, baby. Welcome back to H Wood. Yeaah, I was in Germany for three months. And, uh, then went on a honeymoon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ciao bella. A lot of that. And then just drinking Aperol spritz like a fucking monster. I don't even. That's the move. Don't even like em. Don't even like em that much, but I chug em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in, uh, Florence, and, uh, that place was just fucking awesome. It was also cool too, because right when we got there, all COVID protocols had literally been lifted the day before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's cool. So I think like people felt like, oh my God, like it's finally, we're finally done with it. Right. Uh, so I was spitting in strangers' mouths. I didn't give a shit. There we go. Okay. Belissimo. Arrivederci, COVID. Back to normal. Uh, back to normal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No dude, I'm the, I'm the, I'm right now the biggest weight-wise I've ever been in my entire life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so I was, I, I kissed it. I kissed the belly of the deuce.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well in Germany, the beer, everyone like, uh, you know, is like, oh, the beer's so good here. And it is very good there. But it's...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not that much better, you know, it's good, it is better, but I just, I really dove in, you know how I am when I go to a place, I dive in full steam and I'm- You become one of the culture, yes. I become part of the culture as much as I possibly can and then I talk about buying a house there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's how it was, obviously, in Berlin. I was there for three, a little over three months. I, for three years, no, like three years. And I, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're like, it was like 400 calories of beer, like, cause I was drinking these giant fucking beers, uh, damn beer everyday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're, uh, it's, it's all pilsners, and pilsners are pretty, pretty high calories. Cakes? Are they just cakes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is Germany the birthplace of beer? That is right. That is right Blake. Like that's where it ding ding ding ding got created baby.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not thicker. It's, it isn't thicker. It's sugary? No, Pilsner's really light. It's light tasting, but it's, it is, uh, pretty, pretty high-cal. Caloric?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they still. Did you see any of that? Oh yeah, they still fuck with that. They, and they, they mix it with, with Pepsi and like all kinds of sodas. What? Yeah. And to tell you the truth, not bad. Oh, I like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh oh, alert the presses. It's called club mate. And everyone was drinking it. I thought people were just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It sounds disgusting. It's basically like a, like a, a cold, like unsweetened tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I'm saying I'm starting my own, um, mate company called Mate Man, and people are like coming up to me and taking me aside, and we're like, yo, we're like, uh, that's actually the name brand that I like is Mate Mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Germany was, uhm, was really cool. And they don't shy away from, uh, their, you know, super scary history. Like, there is just- Right. They lean in. They're fully leaned in. There's just sad memorials. They won't stop talking about it. Right. Everywhere you turn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and like, people will straight up just apologize to you. I'm like, I wasn't, you know, I mean, like, you don't need to apologize to me. You weren't there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hotel I stayed at was the uh, the headquarters for the Hitler Youth.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, yeah, so some people in our, on our cast was like, I'm getting weird nightmares. Are you, they're more, uh, connected to their spiritual side. And I, you know, I didn't know, I had no nightmares, but I could see. Right. You got more powers. You don't sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't, I didn't tell them that on set. They just, they saw me when I was fully, fully awake.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They don't, they don't sell it over there because I think it's dangerous. Oh, my man shipped it in. Right, right. Uh, so no, I had, uh, our, our manager Isaac, uh, visited me and I had him bring like four bottles of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, I'm gonna make a video before I die that is praising Isaac for his, uh, for helping me out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know if it's considered super haunted, but I guess. Oh my god. I mean, probably, probably dude, there's like, uh, you know, it's really sad. Like you'll be having a great time and then look down and see like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuckin', yeaah, just reminded of it, okay, constantly. It's pretty, it's pretty heavy place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that being said, good to be back, guys. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I haven't really talked to you guys because I didn't notice it until I got to Berlin. Uh, my, uh, I think my smell is weird from COVID from the last COVID that I had. Uh, my, this is, and I've been wanting, I've been saving this up because people are DMing me saying, you got to get back on the pod.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're not talking about jizz enough. Uh, there's not enough jizz talk. Wow. Nobody said that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And we're back. My jizz smells fucking delicious dude. Like it smells. Get out of town. Get out of town. Like, I don't even know the smell. It's like, it's like some kind of a pudding. Like a sweet. Can we get a cosign?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A salty jizz. Uh, no, like bleach. Chlorine. Now, it smells fucking delicious. It's like, it's chlorine. Did you say like cookie dough? What'd you say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, it's like, it's hard to explain what it is, but it definitely smells sweet. That's what it tastes like? And also my farts smell like chicken pot pie, dude. I swear to God. Bro, always. And this is gross. And I know this. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, because I eat the same shit all the time besides like this delicious German beer. That's the answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's why everyone in Berlin is so horny. Wait, it's the, for sure it's the mate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, it could be. That's why everybody in Berlin is so horny, because I-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is a self-diagnosed. No, no one else is just going like, mmm, your jizz smells delicious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm saying just to me, I don't know, I thought it was COVID because...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll pass it around. And bring it to Ders's house, uh, when he has his little barbecue, uh, next week. Yeah, bring it to the barbecue. Hell, we'll glaze some wings! We'll pass it around.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very German thing, and it was in the movie Hackers, I looked it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I honestly, you know, you know, because I'm, I'm a beverage boy. All of my investments are beverage based. Uh, so far made zero dollars back on any of them, but that's fine. It's the long game. It's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm going to, I really want to invest in a Mata company here in the States, cause it's gonna, dude, it's gonna fucking skyrocket.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that was the big, that was the big takeaway for my months away from you guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I usually am not, you know, because I'm having sex with my wife, I'm not smelling my jizz. But then she, about halfway through the shooting process, she went home for a few weeks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so she came back to the States, she went home for a few weeks, and then I had more time to smell my jizz. Personal time. Personal time, I was masturbating obviously two to three times a day. This wasn't just happening.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know what it was. I thought it was for, for like a week. I thought it was the tissues I was using and I'm going damn these tissues must smell delicious.


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[Assistant] I caught a whiff and I was like, well that's not the tissue, that's just the jizz.


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[Assistant] It was super fun. It's the spin-off of the, the premises, my character from Pitch Perfect.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Had like a TikTok that went viral, uh, in, in, uh, Germany. So he moves to Berlin to like resurrect his pop career and then he gets there and it actually wasn't as viral as he thought it was. And now he's kind of stuck in Germany and he's trying to make a go of it. And it was super fun, but like, I forgot how goddamn hard that show is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To shoot, uh, like those movies, because I wasn't the star of the Pitch Perfect movies. I only had a couple songs and a lot of downtime to drink in Louisiana and to have a good time. And this, I was, it was like a lot of six day weeks. I'm there, I'm in every scene and I'm also,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A goddamn song and dance, man. So I have to like learn choreography and then afterwards have to go and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly. And, uh, and then learn all these songs. So it was a lot, but I think it's, it's gonna turn out so cute.


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[Assistant] Peacock! TikTok? Peacock, baby. Oh, yeah. Peacock.


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[Assistant] Who, if people don't know, she was like- Where did that come from? She's just this, uh, blonde woman who, with big ol' fake tits, who drives a pink Corvette that says Angeline on the back, and then when we first moved to LA, she had billboards up.


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[Assistant] That said Angeline and it's her just like posing up there and everybody was like, who the fuck is this woman? And I remember the first time I saw her, I was like in shock. I think I've seen her two or three times throughout the years and you're just like, who is this lady? And she was sort of like,


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[Assistant] And I guess she'd been doing this since the 90s, but we came in the early 2000s and that's when I clocked her, but she was sort of reality famous before reality shows even really existed. She just like,


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[Assistant] A local legend who just made herself famous by buying her own billboards and wearing all pink and having these big fake tits.


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[Assistant] Limited series, yeah. Emmy Rossum from Shameless, eh, is doing it.


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[Assistant] I know, it is, I wanna know like what is the, what is the story because it seems, it seems like it should be


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[Assistant] A 15 minute, no less. It's like a five minute YouTube sketch of like a crazy lady who goes, I want to be famous. I'm going to buy a pink Corvette. I'm going to sell my house and buy billboards. And that's the end of the story.


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[Assistant] You know she, you know she had like a love affair with Charlie Sheen or something. We're gonna dive in deep to that. Oh yeaah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, right. I texted him the other day and I was like, uh, it's funny that you're getting typecast as real people.


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[Assistant] Oh, you got your brozarks. Brozarks. Brokelys. Brozarks, baby. I like to keep them close.


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[Assistant] Hey, my dad is gonna have a big, uh, it's been a year since having cancer party.


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[Assistant] I know, yeah, because a couple people have asked me that, and I've never seen a snake there. My dad hasn't seen a snake there, and he's lived there for over three years now. Uh, you know. Cause that's my nightmare.


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[Assistant] I grew up swimming in the Mississippi River and there was snakes there often. And so I guess it doesn't really bother me because they swim on top of the water.


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[Assistant] They're looking for a human's face. I forget the name of them, but one of- one is like super poisonous. I think it's a water moccasin.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and when I was, when I was a kid, my dad dropped me off on a log.


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[Assistant] And he comes, uh, he's, as he's coming past me, there's a water moccasin that's coming right towards me and my dad's like, oh shit, hey, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's not gonna come for you. And I'm like, dad, dad. And he goes, he goes, nah, he's gonna get scared. He's gonna turn. And I'm like, dad.


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[Assistant] Uh, but no, to, to answer your question Doris, I don't think we have to be scared of the leeches. I think we can come back and have another bachelor party slash celebrating my father's life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alligator. When did they start? Uh, prehistoric times, I think. Yeah, I think they were.


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[Assistant] Louisiana. Oh yea, Louisiana. Every once in a while Chloe's grandmother will be like, well there was a crocodile or an alligator, whatever, I don't know what, in the front yard the other day and then she shows photos and there's just like an eight foot alligator in her front yard and you're just like, Jesus Christ, this is terrifying.


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[Assistant] I would, I'd like to do a movie, uh, I'd like to do a movie like that, like a creature feature, that'd be fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, did you guys hear about the movie that Elizabeth Banks, who is the producer of the bumper show that I did, the Pitch Perfect show.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and this is how I know it, because she was there, and they did a docu- or a movie called Cocaine Bear. Right. That was all about this bear that ate, like, okay, like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're making it now, right? Yeah, they've already made it. Uh, they're like the whole, a lot of the crew worked on that movie and then came to us and worked on our show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, and they, evidently in real life, it died pretty quickly because it was just too much cocaine. But, uh, for the movie, uh, yeah, it like went on a rampage and killed a bunch of people, which I'm like, that's kind of a cool idea for a movie.


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[Assistant] I think, I mean, I, I don't know, I didn't read it and, uh, I honestly didn't ask too many questions other than.


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[Assistant] But you could do it for a whole movie. I mean Jaws. Wait, you could totally do that. Jaws was about a fucking crazy shark. A cocaine bear?


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[Assistant] Well, admittedly, when, uh, when Elizabeth called me about the bumper show, the, uh, article on Deadline was just released about Cocaine Bear, so I just read it, like, literally earlier that morning, and then she calls me out of the blue, and I'm like, oh, she's probably asking me,


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[Assistant] Nah, I was like, I kinda wanted to do the bear movie.


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[Assistant] Can I do a two for one? Yeah, can I do both?


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[Assistant] I don't know, I don't know, I, I see, I see New Line making that movie before Pixar. Really soon? Yeah. Shout out New Line. Big shout out New Line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, you gotta go back to the theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, did you guys see, uh, Kevin's movie? The, the Massive? I haven't seen it yet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanna, I really wanna see it, uh, Kevin Etton, flowers to him, showrunner of Workaholics, the homie, uh, he wrote a very funny movie starring Nick Cage, the massive weight of incredible talent, I think, unbearable weight,


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[Assistant] Hey, I don't know if you wrote the title because it's, it's wordy.


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[Assistant] All the way up to, you can, I mean, you know, if you're just, if you're just- Well, you can also go cheaper. I mean, I bought a set of drums that were dog shit. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but guys, just, just for a guy that just came back to the podcast, I'm, I'm treading water over here trying to keep up.


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[Assistant] You guys are firing at all cylinders and admittedly I've, I've, I'm. You're off the mate. Mate free and I just got off the honeymoon. What is dead ringer? It's when someone looks like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, how annoying was that guy? I'm like kinda stoked on Tyson. I bet that guy was so fucking annoying, dude. Yeah, he's soft.


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[Assistant] No, I think he was just a drunk fucking idiot. And then once he came to, he was like, oh, if I, I'll be the bitch out of all of my friends. I'll be like, ooh.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but for him, it's not worth it.


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[Assistant] Talk about your McMuffins, bro! I'd be like, what are we doing? Let's get back to, uh,


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[Assistant] Do you guys know what pogs are? P-A-W-G.


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[Assistant] I remember sleeping at work like taking long ass bathroom breaks where you would just literally sleep on the toilet.


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[Assistant] No, Kraft was like bad ketchup. Yea, there's good people over there. Yea, there's good people at Kraft.


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[Assistant] It wasn't so much a factory as just a small mom and pop butcher shop and it was one of the best jobs ever because you would get, it was also a little catering spot so you could come away with some.


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[Assistant] Tri-tip and chicken and all I needed was minimum wage cause I'm coming home with tri-tip baby.


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[Assistant] Uhm, no, so I was never promoted. They asked me if I wanted to be like promoted up to like start cutting meat and being an actual butcher, but I was just cleaning crews. So I was pretty much in charge of like cleaning the saws and like the beef buckets and the grinders.


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[Assistant] That's so wild that you would smoke weed in the freezer cause we did that too. We had a code where we'd say, say, hey man, you want to go to Russia? And that meant go into the giant freezers and you had to put these giant like fur coats on to go in there cause they were massive walk in freezers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Vans is a wild ass company. They've gone like, I mean now they've gone nuclear, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Rodman was still awake, he had just got off set of double, double teams.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, let's not bury the freaking headline here. You know what started it all. What? Do you guys remember the movie Clueless? The whole movie is about Paul Rudd being her stepbrother and Alicia Silverstone wants to bone him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Paul Rudd, she likes Paul Rudd because, oh yeaah, cause remember they have like kinda, they kinda have like a weird, they have a weird little relationship where they jab at each other and then they get like, they break up and they're like, so now can we date? And they're like, oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yes, but that was, that was like, they were playing the comedy of that horror. Clueless is kinda like this, like you don't see it coming, and then at the end, it was like...


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[Assistant] What a god. S. I think she's a let's go. Oh yea, but she is just, she's the best.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's like super on something and he's about to go on tour and they're like trying to talk to him about old allegations. He's just like, I feel good. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Pits the Chesty. It was, uh, it was, uh, Pits the Chesty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a motocross thing where the, the dude like goes off the ramp and then while he's like in air, he goes psst psst. I think he does a backflip. Double pits to chesty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pit, pit, and then hit it right on the chest with stick deodorant.


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[Assistant] No, I never had problems with like body. What were you doing, like right guard?


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[Assistant] I haven't, I haven't kept tabs on dude. I, I know he's a frickin legend in the game.


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[Assistant] 25. Oh yeaah. It gets spun. That's what I'm saying. If we could walk up to each other and flash our app and show how many lifetime burritos we've ate and then like just be like, yo dude, I'm like 20 ahead of you right now.


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[Assistant] Today on This Is Important, I, Jez Glitter.


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[Assistant] We need to do a black and white PSA with sad like piano playing in the background and we need to put it together. We need to call up all our celebrity friends. All of them. All of them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we'll see, man. And I think we could maybe finally put a stop to go. Let's stop, let's go.


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[Assistant] Budget is budget, dude. They give you the- they say your car is non-smoking and it always smells like a fucking ashtray, dude.


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[Assistant] What was the makeup company where all the people who worked for it drove pink cars?


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[Assistant] Let's keep that on the low, bro. The metaverse? No, not at all. Zero percent. I refuse.


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[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta stay high in today's day and age. Unless you're in the metaverse.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I would like to adopt the metaverse, maybe someday, but not, not right now. I mean, I feel like we have like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I'm like, dude, I'm like, we only have like 5 or 10 more years left of like a lot of the animals on earth and like coral and like, so let's just go out and see it while it's still here, cause it's all gonna be gone very soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is YouPorn. You know what I don't like about that though? Is if somebody is using any of your devices and they put, you know, Y into the search bar looking for YouTube and you go to YouPorn more than YouTube, that's gonna be the first thing that pops up.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I have a little hidden compartment right behind my, uh,


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[Assistant] You kinda dust the place? Cause they do say like, wasn't the whole thing like, when you smell farts, you're actually getting like poo particles into your nose or something?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what, I always heard like that's what the smell of farts was, was just like small particles of poo hitting your nose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A little birthday view cake. It's delish. View cake. It's delish. Birthday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me this isn't real so it's like, we can actually get away with even, it'll probably get really even more weird in the metaverse.


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[Assistant] You're giving the matrix, you're giving the matrix argument. You no longer even know you're a part of something.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, dude. McGroober. A lot of man butts. McGroober is fucking back, dude. And I am, I couldn't be more excited. McGroober.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it was like hours worth of, uh, Magrub. Sweet, Magrub. It looks great. It's funny as hell. I mean, Magrubr, what a strange freaking- Everyone out there


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean like, it looks, the production is great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Not to mention, yeaah, the premier party was out of control. There was flames, there was fucking tanks, there was sick army jeeps. It was, they went all out. They're all in. Which is so weird because MacGruber, the movie, was a total flop.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] MacGruber is like, such a strange- No points, no points, okay. Yeah, sorry, god damnit. That is really- God damnit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no, like, MacGruber is such a wild story, cause if you don't know, it like started off as just an SNL sketch, then it was a whole ass movie that was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Even publically, like, people didn't go see it. Yea, for some reason, the word just didn't get out, because it truly is just one of the funniest movies ever. It's hilarious. Yea. It's crazy, but, you know, there's comedy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then like 10 years later, they're making a series out of it on freaking Peacock. It's crazy. I'm so stoked.


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[Assistant] And it's, it's super famous, right? Old generation, but I get, yeaah. I'm thinking more Jazz Flute, Anchorman, but...


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[Assistant] Oh, it's so good. I mean, there's a few, like, some comedies, like super underrated com- comedies always get the shaft, like,


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[Assistant] Cause they're not viewed as like good or whatever, like, but like Freddy got fingered, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Popstar is another very hilarious- I watched it very recently and it was like, oh my gosh. There's like this- It's so funny. The Osama Bin Laden song is so fucking funny, dude. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's dope. I didn't really get to talk to Jorma, he was at the party, I said bye to him just cause I was just like, that was fucking dope, but I would love to bro down with the guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It might be an M. And if the audience could kind of just turn their radio down for a second, I would like to speak to Jorma for a second and say...


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[Assistant] Dude, I'm so sorry that I was just, I don't know, I was kinda in my head in the night. I really wanted to say hello, but it was your big night. But I'm such a huge fan, and I thought MacGruber was absolutely excellent. And if you wanna hang out, let me know. Okay, everybody cut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I feel like everybody kinda saved everything in the chamber till December this year and there's just so much good shit.


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[Assistant] Tooby is wild, they have like, they also have like super weird, like deep cut sci-fi movies, like that I haven't seen in years, like this movie called Arena, I mean it's, and Robojocks, like weird weird shit. I believe you mean Robotjocks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get on that Us Weekly tip. You gotta get on the cover of Us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You walk into Adam's frickin' hotel room and it's like a fog machine is on or something, my god. It's like, you got dry ice in the sink or something? Jesus.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, here's the problem. What if your house is on fire? And they think it's smoke, and they're like, oh shit, is the homie's house on fire?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's some freeze frame or clip going around in our, in our deep like workaholics, uh, instagrams of me with my pants ripped out the butt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was bad. That was bad, dude. There was a similar one that was like, there was two identical twins at a bar. They ordered the exact same thing. Uh, one of them like, drank their drink fast, one drank their drink slow. Uh, they went home the next morning, one twin was dead. It was also, it was also like the ice cream.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And is it gonna be Blake Anderson? Oh, that would be so tight. Edward Enigma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Let's pitch it. What could we get made, like Lobo or something? I don't know. Aren't they doing Lobo? They might be, they should.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, no the new Batman has, wait who is the bad guy in the new Batman? Pattinson?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, which is so odd. I saw stills of him in it. It's like- Get over it. He's a good actor, get over it. No, he's a great actor and I- I'm a fan. You're not over it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh absolutely, that's when Batman was cracking, dude. They were on a roll back-


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[Assistant] Ooh, ooh, that's a great- I mean any given Sunday with Jamie Foxx is not up there. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, it's not up there. Nah. Willy Beeman? Oh my god. Hey, dude, don't get me wrong. Al Pacino?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was tight. I'd never seen the movie. I just loved the cover. Who was the main guy in that? Was that Dennis Quayle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Isaac came up with a good one too, the replacements with Keanu Reeves. That one is fucking good. Never seen it. Never seen it, not a fan. It's pretty good. We're forgetting one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We knew whatever that, whatever you just said. You know, it's a, it's a holiday season. I know a lot of us are sitting down with our families watching the classic Christmas movies. I just gotta tell you, be careful with gremlins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There is, uh, there is no Santa scene in Gremlins and I'm pretty fucking pissed about it. So if you're about to sit down with your kids and watch Gremlins, careful because it creates an uncomfortable conversation for everyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm like, dude, we have rating systems. It tells you if there's like killing and nudity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my Santa. He's Santa now. It's so tight. You know Atiba took the- And Goldie- Goldie's Mrs. Claus. Atiba took the photos for that movie, so shout out to Atiba. No shiiiit. He got that gig because he did Game Over, man. We really hooked his ass up. What up, Atiba? Seriously?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is important. Angry tangle in a funky jungle. I like both of those a lot. I come from the grind era, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hey, I'm just happy to hear the K-Fed, happy to hear the diarrhea, happy to see you guys, happy to-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh dude, I was thinking about that Blake. Here it is. I was singing the old Folgers theme. Okay. Because I got this. Should we each try that? Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I was doing, I was testing my mic and I was doing it. Okay, you ready?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they have the best theme song of all time. And here it goes. Here's my rendition. Alright. The best part awake now is Folgers in your cup.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was delicious. I mean from a marketing perspective it sounds good. Peanut brittle cups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I know, and they're plastic too. You shouldn't be using the plastic Keurig cups. Use the biodegradable ones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tax, screws, they're perfect for workshops. So, you know, maybe your pops got something baked in there where he's like, hey, baked in. 4K, nice dude. Where he puts his weed, you know, just a storage container.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You, you have chocolate? Now I come in to like read him a story and I'm fucking smelling like weed because I just went and fucked up because I want to do my best in the story.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, he was like, what do you smell like? Like I came in smelling like weed and he's like, what is that smell? And I was like, grapes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I smell like grapes? Uh, uh, and my wife's like, just say plant medicine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uh, we never talked about it, or I don't know, maybe. Are we talking about things we've already talked about today? Is that the theme? Then no, we haven't talked about it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she couldn't walk, she was like, kind of like bumping into things and like, really, uh, it was sad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, it was just, they just ate the flower. They didn't eat- Oh, oh no, she got into fucking honey, bro. It was the hun-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause I had, I had honey that I was, I had honey that I was putting into tea and we were making an album or something at that point. And it was like, she took the tea or took the honey and just munched it. Sipping tea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not Cheech Chong. It was Chong. It was Tommy. It was Tommy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean honey in the, honey in your tea is great for the winter. That actually reminds me, it makes me want to get some THC honey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's what I'm saying. It's okay. You can get fucking stoned and especially work in this business. You can get stoned all day, every day and still be okay. You mean medic, medicated? Yeah, stoned, plant medicine, whatever, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Acting is definitely different than sitting at the monitors watching future television or watching future movies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, did you feed off it? Did you feed off of it and then you popped out? Sure, yeah, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know that. Wait, Ders, you say they shoot 18 pages a day? Isn't, don't they have to come up with a new episode every day? Isn't it like every day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause those are like long ass like episodes too, right? They're filling an hour?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you think, do you think those, like when you have the skill, I mean I've never done it, but do you think like those actors, like your friend on the soap, is he like taking a fucking picture of the page with his mind? Like how is that happening?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Winner? Well that's like, I mean, that's probably, you know, obviously it's part of a process, but I would imagine that that's like the one time as an actor you get to, I mean this is how I think about it as a director, like that's the one time you get to go through from start to finish and emotionally feel the fucking thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, after that, you're just going to be shooting pieces and talking about pieces. So that's a-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought it was well done. That's how I know it's a Paul Rudd one. My kid loved it. So you cried. You cried.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is taking low res like, like online videos or whatever and putting a low res like blur in the background and shit. They're getting pretty good. It's like, it's cool looking. And I was like, this would be the funniest fucking thing to do to my parents. Is get their wedding video.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's like, uh, what the cheaper menu at Denny's.


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[Assistant] Welcome to This Is Importance, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... Well, does ice weigh more than water?


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[Assistant] That flipped it back the other way, that's alright.


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[Assistant] Maybe she thought, maybe she was talking about the Taco Bell commercial. She thought you were Satan.


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[Assistant] No, he like punched that dude's eyeball out of his head. That's right. He knocked an eyeball.


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[Assistant] Right. He used like a broomstick to like do his fucking flippy flop with the, with the, with the lightsaber.


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[Assistant] Backstage, like a, it's like backstage drama thing was going on, like he got ahold of the black box, and then basically, like,


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[Assistant] Yeah, that's why, that's why it caught fire because they were able to rotoscope like his broomstick and turn it into a lightsaber. Right. And then they were, then you could find all sorts of fucking Star Wars kid everywhere. So it just like, like Star Wars kid on the moon and Star Wars kid in New York.


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[Assistant] But she's the one saying this, right? She's interpreting her own song. That's what she interpreted it to, Jimmy Fallon said it's about constipation.


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[Assistant] That's a lot, bro. Or sorry, CDs. To get outside, to get outside of the bins, that's a lot of money, okay?


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[Assistant] Jessie girl? Oh, she used to be mine. That's a great song.


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[Assistant] You know how, it was very confusing, cause it was, the album, it was their sophomore album, so they called it Two, but they said Boys Two Men, and then it was like Two, and I was like, wait, is that your name or the title? I was ten, I didn't quite, I didn't quite understand it.


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[Assistant] Amanda Dookie was up there in number two, I think. I think I went from boys to Amanda Dookie.


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[Assistant] Columbia House is where you really would get so many fucking CDs, bro. Columbia House


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[Assistant] Was that, was that the cheating of the system is you just made a new, you made a new friend?


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[Assistant] It is weird. I never had to deal with the politics of hand-me-downs, like. Worse so.


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[Assistant] I only started getting into their records like, probably like, five or a month ago. Ten years ago. Yea, for real. Where I was like, oh shit, you guys have some fucking records. It's all psychedelic rock.


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[Assistant] Adam, you just unlocked something because my uncle was very fucking like Marlboro and Camel'd out and shit and so one year for Christmas I just went around town and like grabbed as many fucking miles as I could off of packages on the ground.


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[Assistant] And then cut him out, put him in a bag and then gave it to him as a gift.


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[Assistant] And then he picked out like his sick ass fucking like jacket or whatever it was, but he was stoked when he got the item. Yeah. That is unbelievable.


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[Assistant] Well like, yeah, Joe Camel couldn't be within like a mile.


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[Assistant] Do they work in the snow? It's about to start snowing up here in Toronto. Maybe I'll fucking... Depends on what tires you got. Yeah, get them snow tires. Mmm, dude, off-road e-biking in the snow? That sounds kind of fucking dope as shit.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think fucking cool used to do that shit with the Siggy's and Newport used to do that shit with the Siggy's hardcore.


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[Assistant] I'm doing it to the El Camino. You're gonna get hydraulics? I'm gonna dump it and get it back to custom and original. I'm dumping the bucket of money on it.


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[Assistant] Well this, this car, this car actually has sentimental value. This is, we're talking about Teddy Spencer, friend of the show.


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[Assistant] This was, uh, Teddy was my neighbor. The guy who came up with Let's Get Weird. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Teddy was my neighbor when I was a kid, he lived across the street, a big street, and I could, his dad had this car, it's his car. How big is this street? I don't know, okay.


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[Assistant] Across the street, a big street! It's a big, whatever. It's a big street. It's not like on the street, it was like, we lived a cr- whatever. It's a stupid detail, like, I don't know what I'm on. But I could hear, his dad used to start this fucking car, and I could hear it from my house, and it's actually the first car.


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[Assistant] I like it. So I gotta get it back, you know what I mean? I gotta get it back.


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[Assistant] Well that's, that is the truth. It's a different playing field. It's like motor, er, engine versus motor. Cause Tesla's got like two. But can you imagine when they get into fucking F1 and shit like that? How that's gonna change the goddamn game? Dude, I got a big fucking...


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[Assistant] And I think we have a hell of a lot of great content in our wake. Yea, that is true. You know, when we do it, we do it together and I'm just happy to be here with you guys.


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[Assistant] Oh, look at Kyle. Bro, I'm sorry. Should we do two more minutes? Kyle just took a big inhale.


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[Assistant] No, I was very high for pretty much the whole time. Nice.


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[Assistant] I don't care how long you've known each other, you can't have your dick out.


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[Assistant] But in the crowd, hasn't there been airhorns, like, for a while to get it going?


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[Assistant] Oh wow, that's important. That's fuckin' important.


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[Assistant] Yeah, maybe I asked you. I remember- If there was a dress code, he maybe would have enforced it. Like, sometimes you gotta rock a button up and some fuckin', like, shoes, right? Don't you gotta do that? Closetoes shoes. Closetoes shoes is for real.


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[Assistant] Braiding? Yeah, or maybe it was dreadlocked. It's never been long enough, sir, but I would love to try.


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[Assistant] Wait, what? What? Are you saying there's a fucking other level of rules? There's a double standard in our society?


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[Assistant] That's like why I would rock a tank top underneath a button up, because I would button it up.


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[Assistant] That's a fantastic look and if you don't agree, fuck you. No, I know where you got that look too, by the way. Where? Where?


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[Assistant] Bro, we were, we were partners so absolutely I could have been influenced by that look and it's a great look. It was a little trickle down for sure.


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[Assistant] Right, maybe. Maybe, but I still look fucking good and I used it to get into Busby's and then they would catch me with the fucking hat on and the arms out.


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[Assistant] It is interesting. That's the first thing I thought about when I thought about Super Troopers was slamming the syrup.


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[Assistant] Puddlejumpers was the first one. Puddlejumpers is what they made on like, uh, That's hard to watch. On like a shoestring, like right out of college, I think.


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[Assistant] No, I thought it's just like if you're going from island to island, it's like you're jumping a puddle. You're not like going a big, it's like a small distance.


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[Assistant] Oh, it was from Dr. Telemericor. And we quoted it?


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[Assistant] That's right. Yes, for uhm, the one where you guys are like singing Irish songs. What was it? Deputy Dong. Deputy Dong, yea, we go to, we go to the kids.


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[Assistant] What happened to Jay? Jay didn't do slammin' salmon either.


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[Assistant] No, I mean, I totally get it. I just was like, this is, it is weird. It's going corporate. It's going corporate.


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[Assistant] Go. This is what goes on, right, when people are like, literally, literally, literally. Like it just becomes a part of your, your vernacular. Or like, really, really, really.


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[Assistant] Get him. That was a fucking stinger.


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[Assistant] 50th anniversary or something? Lance Bangs. Lance Bangs directed a George Harrison video.


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[Assistant] That's fantastic. And then you also see how much fun they're having too, which is, this is an era in their history where people is, it's covered in darkness. So it was like they were breaking up and all that shit, but really they were, there were awesome moments where they were having fun creating together.


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[Assistant] Well it's not informational, you're right. You're just absorbing it. You're just absorbing it. You are just kind of absorbing footage and watching them.


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[Assistant] What's the song that you actually like, like you see a lot of songs, but the one that you see like coming together is like when he's like banging on the fucking guitar and then he all of a sudden is like Jojo is a man and he just is over and over.


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[Assistant] Get back! Yeah. It's fucking sweet, dude. But that's why Paul's the frickin' best, dude.


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[Assistant] I love their dynamic, bro. Paul was in the studio always. Always in the studio. Ringo, first to come in after that.


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[Assistant] Then George, but George was kinda like, yo, I don't know why I'm here.


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[Assistant] And then John's would show up and that was how they did it every day. With, with Yoko. And Yoko fucking sat there every moment. That's kind of weird.


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[Assistant] It's sick. It's crazy. She's cool. She's a good artist. She was like radical, man. Uhm, I don't think she broke them up. I think they had other dynamics. They all look at the music they made afterwards. They all just had shit to get out.


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[Assistant] They needed to get shit out and they were tired of discussing it with each other. That's all it is.


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[Assistant] Well, Ringo was making a movie. Ringo was like, hey, I gotta get done with this because I got the movie, The Magic Christian.


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[Assistant] You know that, uh, that I thought that just coming back to the George Harrison video that my boy was in playing, uh, playing a freaking like MIB.


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[Assistant] You know, I'd like for you to prove me wrong. Under, for sure. Oh, cool.


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[Assistant] Whatsoever, absolutely none. I'm sorry, I think you're leading me on something, but I have nothing to take back at all. I'm just plowing forward at a rapid pace.