[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got a name? I started crying, yea. I started fucking crying, dude. I was just like, no, it's just, I'm just crying, I don't care about school, it's just what I think about my daughter, I get emotional.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, the funniest thing before, I was all hyped the one day fucker on Twitter and then a journalist emailed me for like, Dateline Live. It was like, would you like to be on? And I was like, f-u-x, no. I was like, fucks no, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love how he was like, they'll be alright on Fox.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my favorite thing about, the fake news phenomenon, the funniest thing about that is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the journalists are slanted, they don't do their job very well, and then Trump points this out and it'll be like, I only talk to Fox News, and you're like, wait, woah, woah, no, no, no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know how many people are like, yea dude, Fox is onto something right now. Pretty funny. Pretty ingenious, honestly. Well, my dad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my, my mom watches a, uh, Chappelle special. Oh, nice. Laugh, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You trudge through stuff and stuff pops up. Yeah. Anyone, Rogues knows it, Rogues said it. Rogues, come on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have rogues live on the podcast. I think we pretended to have him on once. Did we? I mean, I might have pretended. I don't know. I kinda do it every time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you gonna do? I'm, I'm so ready to puff daddy out on you if someone shoots you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be so rich, dude. Bad boy, dude. Do you ever see a video where Biggie Smalls is like real scared of getting killed and he's like all paranoid in a chair giving an interview? No. Oh, well there's a video.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, yeaah, I'm just trying to think of like who would actually get fired up about that and like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True that. I was just, I'm like, I've been, I was in a Walmart recently and I was like, I was scanning and I was just kinda like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, they were at one place, I had to go to another one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I was in, so I was in Walmart, uhm, I don't know what I was even getting. And uhm, I walk in, it was like, dude, this was like eight morbidly obese people in a row walking in. I was like, it's gotta be a coincidence. So I had to start doing light research. I'm like, dude, it was like 85% of the people in there were like, had trouble walking. The scooters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, dude, it was literally like 8 out of 10 people or so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, how they're not having a lot of kids and how in 20 years populations are gonna drop so fucking hard. In America. Yea, in America? In fucking Asia? That's dropping hard, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If a whole generation is only having like 1.2 kids on average.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love you bud. I'm dealing. Yea man. I'm trying to take the heat dude. I'm trying to deflect you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You could be like a retired athlete and have a car dealership. Like who's that guy that said a couple of bad things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Big Shane's Hummer. We only sell H2, sorry about that. That's all we can get. You sell certified pre-owned hummers? That was one thing that...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man, I'm telling you, they can't take it away from you. They can't. They can't take it away from you. You're an alchemist, dude. Dog, I've known it from the start. You're turning lead into gold, dude. What happens when they take an alchemist's gold? He just turns it into gold. He's like, yep, let go. Fuck you guys, you can't take that from someone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You smacked the butt, you're like, yo, nice hit, bro. I'm running back. For real, nice hit. Good hit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You got one fucking, you got one button on your chin strap on button, you have your hands on your hips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I'm a piece of shit, dude. I'm constantly like, I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You're such a piece of shit, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have nothing going on. Yea, I wonder if they do that. Or like, not even nothing going on, just no fucking plan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think about it all the time, I'm like, I'm such a fucking scuzzball. Spud said it before. He was like, well, this was way before anything. He was like, well yea, you guys are losers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro. Let's see. And it's also, I'm telling you, I've been to open mics before all this. You know, the cast is rolling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People start coming up and they're like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. It's just like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bite it back, bro. It's like go work on your shit, man. There's just a never-ending network aspect to it that just sickens my fucking hole with this stuff. It's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Go do your thing, man. Maybe you're a waiter who does this shit too. Who gives a fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I told you, it's racist. Literally, it's, it is our total taboo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just be like, you're a fucking loser. Shut up, dude. Like, nobody gives a fuck. It is true. If I came on, I was like, uh, anyone forget that I wrote an episode of Malcolm in the Middle? People were like, dude, shut up. That was like 11 years ago. No one gives a fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just, well I just hate the fucking, the dick swinging of that shit. When like, again, this is the rule, like whenever I've...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hosted for a headliner, the more shit they give you in terms of their credits, the worse of a comic they usually are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's when a comic has to be like, remember the time I did do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do? It's like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good credit. And it's an automatic, it's an automatic laugh for the crowd. They come out and they go


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait a minute, at first I was like, I would suck if he fucking killed himself. No, I'm not gonna kill myself over this. I didn't think you would. But you're so dark, dude. You talk about killing yourself all the time. Uh, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's how you know someone's gonna kill themselves. When they're like, everything's fucked up and you're like, are you gonna kill yourself? Like, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, look, I'm not gonna fucking get- Usually they'll try to convince you like everything's awesome and like, trust me dude, this is cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're not gonna kill yourself. That's something they say to look out for. They'll like 180 real quick and be like, dude, no, I mean, look, I got a lot of stuff to be grateful for. They're like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, the future's unwritten, man. Yeah, no shit. That's the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but we're on the tip of the pulse, dude. I don't think people realize, they're not like using the lingo. They're just kind of like, what was that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That'll never happen. You're gonna have to wake up every morning, first thing in the morning, hit Twitter, start sending out some tweets, hit the date, hit the mirror logo dude, and fucking go about your day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, I thought SNL was using you. I had a conspiracy in my head that they were gonna have you on there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just have to accept the role as the total fucking king, dude. Total king, dude. Just completely rise up. I'm gonna try. In a fun way. Of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you could still be funny enough to fit in the conspiracy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You were behind closed doors of the meeting, dude. First off, well I ain't. You didn't ink the fucking deal, dude. Mhm. Heard that. I hear you on that. Yea. I'm gonna stop spreading any kind of conspiracy theory.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's the truth of that. Again, my personal ethos, all about tapping into your own life, but again, like you're saying, when you feel the pull of like, something that big sucking you up, I mean, don't make the illusion, don't have illusions about yourself that you'll just be like, I'm sticking to my plan. Yeah. It's like, doubt that. Yeah, doubt that, doubt that. Eh, although now people will probably be like, mmm, I'm cool. Oh, now? Go to SNL and everyone will be like, ahhhh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's some motherfucking bullshit. That's armchair quarterback, bro. What's that Roosevelt quote, dude? The people watching, guys? Yeah, dust in the arena and stuff. Dust in the arena. Well, I'm not a gladiator.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Critical acclaim, dude. Peace. Emmy, dude. Peace.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unfortunately, we had to delete the WikiWikiWild due to worries of getting, uh, losing money on Patreon, which would suck, but I recorded this shit on a website and it fucking slaps.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I come in on the synthesizer, it's like, unfucking real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been trying to just get my girlfriend to admit that she'd say, she's like, I fucked up attitude. I'm like, you're in your period.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the eyes would be the deal breaker on a full lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get a hold of those. They should be by prescription only though. Everyone has to know about you first and then you can get one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but you also never had a real doll in this, in this comparison. You're one step short here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You ever find your dad's porno mags and you're like, whoa, this is crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think before. That's when you're at the potential for the most disturbing shit to happen, I think. True. Yeah. Like when you're not expecting it, that's when. Cause like right now, like, uh, our boy's taking a lot of showers lately, but he's too young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, now I'm like, well what happens when I eventually suspect that this dude's beating off my house? Do I like, ask him about it? What do I do? I think you just let him, let him roam. Let him rip, right? Yea, let him go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't want to catch him. That's the thing. I want to stop him from fucking beating off in communal spaces in my house. Sure. But I also don't want to like, number one, ask him about it, and the other, like, what am I gonna, like, gotcha!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he's never gonna wanna beat off again. I actually think it's lit if you beat off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was just Playboys. It was actually like so fucking lame and old that I was almost like, eeeeh, I got a little bit of internet right now. This isn't much, this isn't doing it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That explains you too. You're a sensual man. Exactly, dude. Wow. She was rubbin' him down. Your parents really do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This explains everything about your entire life. These first like, like yeaah, I found Playboys under a workbench in my dad's basement. So that's obviously, I'm a fucking beat off in a cellar covered in just fucking cobwebs and dust.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had a friend's dad do that when we were over one time. Cause they had like the, uh, what was it? When you had stolen cable. Black box? Yea, yea. And he like, we'd be there for like wrestling pay-per-views and he would go up one pay-per-view channel and be like softcore and he'd be like, hey, you fucking pussies ever see this shit?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pizza shop on my corner had a Street Fighter 2 machine, so we spent every day there. All, like, every quarter we could come across, we would spend our time in there. And they had these, like, shitty, like, Italian mosaics on the walls. Just the cr- like, they were like inch tile mosaics. Awful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And the dudes that ran it, his brother was like this fucking pillhead.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he got all fucked up and paid a dude to make a naked lady mosaic. And it was as, I mean it looked like a pixelated naked lady. It was so bad. And I would just be standing at the Street Fighter machine looking backwards over my shoulder like, damn dude that is, that's a tit. That's technically a tit dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Harder core history. Although somebody suggested it be called TARD core history. TARD core history is pretty good. It's pretty fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where we left off on the case of Thomas Francis Maher? Do you guys remember?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's going on? I know, he's on the island. Just got exiled to Van Diemen's land. Yep. It's got a nice little plot. Got a nice plot of land, a seven by seven mile plot of land on Van Diemen's land. Uh, you can find like drawings of it, cause that's what they had back then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sorry about that. Seven by seven mile. Like a big plot of land. He's got a big plot of land. How big is Van Diemen's land? Tasmania? Uh, it's bigger than Ireland. I believe. Is it? Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, I mean they got like a- It's what's up. It is, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're just exiled to a shitty, yea. How wide is Manhattan? Is it eight miles? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't introduce any of the other people in the last episode that were like his boys. Uh, there's a guy named Duffy who started The Nation, which was the paper that he was writing for back in Ireland. And these are some of the other guys that are young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That represent Young Ireland with him. There's a guy named John Mitchell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These are the important guys. And Smith O'Brien. There was also this guy named Balf. B-A-L-F-E. Who... Balf? Yeah. Piece of shit, dude. He was a fucking rebel. Er, excuse me. He was a spy for the British, dude. He like joined up with them and was like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up? Like, I'm part of this. And he went to school with one of them. He went to school with Thomas Marr. When they were younger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he would, was he a spy the entire time or did he- Start to finish. When they-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they had no idea it was him. But, woah. We'll get to this later. I mean, a lot of this is gonna be not very chronological. Bolf fucking followed them down to Van Diemen's land. And kept like tabs on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but he wasn't spying on them really, but he was like, it was this weird like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know why he did it. He just bought a bunch of land in Van Diemen's land and went down and lived around them. But didn't, he like bought cattle in Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had been paid a lot by England for what he had done by being a spy with him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like a weird obsession with these dudes that he went down and lived with them when they were down there, but they didn't, they, they didn't know he was there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They thought he escaped during the rebellion. Was it guilt?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was like, in Tasmania. They found him and right when they saw him they were like, you were the fucking spy? You piece of shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause they knew he hadn't been. They knew he hadn't been arrested. Otherwise he wouldn't be at that bar on that land. So they just instantly saw him and was like, you're the fucking one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, other than with England. Uh, and then, you know, he feared for his life because most of Van Diemen's land, now Tasmania, uh, was Irish prisoners. And, uh, so like all the people that lived on the island,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Word got around who he was and he got, he didn't get murdered. He got promoted by England to be like the head jailer in Port Arthur, which was like their worst prison there. Yeah, no justice, but maybe he'll get his, who knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Port Arthur's on. Port Arthur's on in Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that was like where you went for like hard labor. And it was like a rough, really rough fucking prison. Like blood all over, like the way they describe it was like blood on the walls. They had the cat of nine tails. That whip they would use. Just hit, like it was fucking crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but so, so that's where we left off, is Thomas Mars down in Tasmania. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 1850 is about, I mean we're gonna, this isn't again gonna be that chronological, but 1850 is about where we're at.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, which was the year Zachary Taylor died. He was a president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zachary Taylor died, uh, his first year in office because


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He ate fruit and iced milk at a 4th of July party at the Washington Monument. And he got hit too many sweet treats.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was it. And he died, uh, five days later. Fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Holy shit. What's the deal with that? Like you just, they couldn't just, like the dysentery and stuff? I don't know. I don't know. A bunch of other people at that party had also gotten sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, died because he got pneumonia giving his inauguration speech.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jacket or something like that, yea. That's hilarious. Uhm, yea, his was the shortest presidency.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So the president dies, Zachary Taylor is dead, and in comes Millard Fillmore. Uhm, so he picked up his term that finished and, you know, that term ended in 1853.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The reason that's important is because Millard Fillmore was looking for re-election from the start, so like right away he was very pro-Irish. Like the whole content, like if you wanted to win in office, you were, you would do stuff like, uh, a measure was introduced in the US Senate calling for the immediate release of all the guys on, in Tasmania, like the US was very pro-like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and they made up each of them. So like a quarter of the population in Boston, New York, Philly, and Baltimore were all Irish born people. One quarter of each city. Damn. Yeah, like all Irish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So like, a lot of these politicians, like Millard Fillmore, was doing shit like, we need to free these guy, free these young Ireland, like, so the US was very pro, like he issued, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A statement the president did that if Thomas Maher and his friends ever were able to escape Tasmania, come to the United States, they'd be pardoned. Like they would never send them back to England. Gotcha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So these, so they were holding like rallies and shit in New York for like, for Irish, like they were trying to raise money and guns to send to Ireland for this like, you know, always, they did that forever. But now all that was diverted into sending money.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For an escape for all these guys. Instead of arming them, it was like, we need to get these guys off this island.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But now we're gonna go back to old Tasmania where Thomas Maher's chillin'. His boy Smith O'Brien, the guy who Bolf pointed out, refused to take the deal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] of the seven by seven plot of land. Like he was like, I'm not going to do anything in agreement with you guys. Cause they're like, you have to give us your word. You're not going to escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he was like, no, fuck you. We're not gonna make any agreements. Yeah. So they sent him actually to this like small fucking shitty island. Uh, I think it's like St. Maria's, which is like right off the coast of Tasmania. It's like this little rock that they built a shack that he just had to stay on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like with two guards. It was like a lighthouse in the middle of the fuckin' ocean. So it was constant wind and shit like that. And he like got really, he got really sick. And uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was enough that the guards were like, he's gonna die out here. We should take him. So he ended up getting a different, he got a plot of land on the island. Uh, pretty funny story there. He met like this, uh, this lady. He found a lady on his plot of land and she jerked him off. She gave him a hand job. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To the, to the governor of Van Diemenstein and they're like, Smith O'Brien received an old fashioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had to write a, like, apology letter to the governor to not get in trouble. That, like, the letter is, it's like, your majesty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like in your honor. Like all this shit. And then he's like, I needed it. I needed to receive the old fashion. Because of my destitute. Like all this like, the solidarity is, you know. The solitude has ruined me. This old fashion saved me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In 1850, just getting a fucking H.J. out in a penal colony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, the whole, that was the other thing, the island was also filled with whores.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's all like chicks that were in trouble for prostitution. Yeaah. Like the worst people in the world were on this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I support sex workers, yeaah. Well, sex workers in 1850.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a bunch of like, street people from London that were then sent to


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Pacific Ocean and became farmers. It's crazy. Nuttin' into the dirt. It's probably awesome.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, so yea, all these guys are on this island and they keep running into families and shit that are already there. Uhm, Mar ran into the Bennet family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their wagon got stuck, uh, on his land, and he like helped him get out of it. And so they were like, yea, you wanna come over for dinner?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he went over to the house, they had a nice 18 year old daughter. Catherine Bennett. And Marr was smitten. And I think the dad hated him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dad was like, get the fuck outta here, you weirdo. Yeah, he's a criminal. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Mars trying to fuck this 18 year old, he ends up getting it done. Starts banging it on the reg. Uh, they get married.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he marries Catherine Bennet. Also while this is going on,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Speranza, you remember that poet? Yeah. That he, that he was fucking- You know what happened to her? She remarries a guy named Sir William Wild and gives birth to Oscar Wild. What? Yeah. Woah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oscar Wilde. Damn, I didn't know that. His side piece is Oscar Wilde's fucking mom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Jane Wilde. Her real name was like Jane Elgie or something. Jane Wilde is what her name ended up being. Oscar Wilde's mom. Wow. That was Thomas Miller's fucking slam piece. Dude, he fucked her on death row when he was back in, back in Ireland. She came into prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's cool. That was a cool part of that. Guards hook it up. But yeah, this is also, while this is going on, a bunch of the young islanders, Irelanders had already, when they escaped after that shitty rebellion, a bunch of the dudes went straight to New York before they got caught. So there's a bunch of these dudes in New York that are like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, none of them, they're not like, the main guys got fucking sent to Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Mar Maryser, Katherine Bennett, 1851, only one of the young islanders showed up, uh, this guy named McManus. To the wedding? Yea, the rest of them couldn't. The rest of them couldn't get off the land, but this one McManus guy was like, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. And he left his plot, but the only reason he was able to do that, cause he had already run off.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They weren't allowed to leave their plots? They were not allowed to leave their 7x7 for the rest of their lives. Like that was their punishment. Yeah. Uhm, and if you got caught off the land, like, these two dudes got caught leaving and got sent to Port Arthur, like a hard prison colony, and uh, or a hard prison. Yeah. Just for, I think it was for three months of hard labor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Breaking fucking stones. Yea dude. And uh, they also got raped. Constantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like all the- in Port Arthur that was like a- that was part of the punishment. Like the British were like happy to see dudes get fucking raped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So when the guys that got in trouble for leaving their land got sent to the hard work colony, Mara was like, I'm gonna do that too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, if my brothers are in there and I'm, I have like this deal with the same government that's making them do that, like, I'm not doing it. I'm gonna go with them. And one of the guys wrote him a letter and was like, don't. Like, definitely don't come down here. I'm getting raped. Every day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way he wrote it was like, I have to sleep with a different scoundrel every night.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, yeah, the, uh, oh yeah, so the guy that showed up to his wedding in 1851 to Catherine Bennet was this guy named McManus who had run off his plot, like as soon as he got there he just ran straight into the wilderness.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was living like a fucking weirdo. Damn. So that was another thing, they had these things called like Bush Raiders. Which was just these guys from these prison colonies that would escape, go out and form like Mad Max gangs. That would go around the desert and fucking kill everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Woah. So this guy ran off and was like kinda lone wolf.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but there's Australian colonies, and then in Tasmania they'd have the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't think Tasmanian is that jungly. There is some jungle down there, but I think it might be more desert.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the drawing of his house, it looked like pretty dusty. Like area, mountainous. Yeah, it probably wasn't lush.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so that guy showed up at the wedding and was like, Hey, I'm going to fucking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm getting the fuck out of here. Uh, it was good to see you. Congratulations on the wedding. And, uh, will you take my dog? You gave him his dog, which is a greyhound named Brian. Uh, so McManus actually escaped in 1851, uh, by,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Sending a dying man, this guy that was dying, this Irish dude that was dying, that kinda looked like him, was gonna go report to a hospital, cause he had been on the lam the whole time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They didn't know where he was. So then he just sent this dude that was definitely dying to the hospital to say it was him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they went to arrest that guy and that's when he escaped. They all had to do like a trick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to like trick the English to escape honorably. That's so funny. Yeaah. He could have just left, but instead he had to pull one last prank.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How could they escape? Like what was the means of escape? Uh, so what McManus did was he went and met with this trading, you pay


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have someone on the outside pay a captain of like a trading vessel, and then you go out and meet them. That's what's up. And, uh, yeaah. He actually got on this boat called the Elizabeth Thompson.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mar finds out about it and McManus when he gets to California is met with like a huge, like a parade, the fucking senators there, like all the judges and say it like they all are like, yeah, like he's just met with all this fanfare and Mar finds out about it and is like, damn dude, if they like him that much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck am I doing here? Yeah. Samara was depressed the whole time until he met his bae. Yeah. 18 year old fucking. Catherine. Hotty. That'll turn the frown upside down dude. Yeah, nice little 18 year old. He had a nice shack. Is there a picture of Catherine Bennett? Uh, I bet, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He built like a nice house, he has a dog, he's got a patch of land that he's farming on. He's right on a lake is where his house is, so he would go out and sail everyday on the Esperanza. That was the name of his boat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Named it after his old bae. I don't know if she, I don't know, I'm sure she knew actually. Maybe. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he slips into this like, he's content for like four months after the wedding. He's still, he's like very fucking like, life's pretty good, this is sick, everything's alright. They said he was in the best shape of his life, he's jacked, he's out farming every day, he's getting, he's getting tan. He's looking good, dude. He's fucking hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, especially as what really helped him was all his, all his boys on the island were pissed that he was marrying her. They were like, you're marrying beneath you dude, you're fucking, you got the blood of kings in you and you're gonna marry some fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Idiot's daughter? Yeah. So they were all upset about that, which also led him to be like, fuck you guys, I love her. True. He was fully, he was, he was under the facade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, they were like, everybody was upset that he married her. But yeah, four months in of like a good life, he starts to be like, what am I doing here? I gotta get the fuck out of here. So he starts to like plan an escape. He tells his bae she's gonna have to chill because at this point she is pregnant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which that probably helped the reason why he wanted to escape. He had a pregnant bae and he was like, listen,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You stay here. You guys wait here until I get to America and then I'll send word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We might not see each other for like two years. Yeaah. That's the plan. She's pregnant and he's like, alright, we're not gonna see each other for a while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, she wasn't a criminal. So she could leave. But she was pregnant and the plan was for them, for her to go to Ireland to stay with his dad. In like their nice place. Cause the dad's still rich.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, also it didn't, last episode I said it would take like 11 months to go from Ireland to Australia, which was wrong. Takes like 5 or 6 months.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's still crazy long. The reason I was thinking that was because Mitchell, that guy I told you about, uhm, his ship, when he got shipped out, stopped in South Africa for like four months on the way because they were going to try to drop him off in South Africa. This is right when South Africa was having like a


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kind of an uprising and they were like, no, you're not, you can't put prisoners here. Like that was a big thing for them. So they, his ship stayed in port for like four months and they didn't let him off. He stayed on the fucking boat in the cell. It sucks. Jesus. Fucking sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, Mars planned his escape, which is crazy because the letter, like he's sending a letter to the United States and then to his dad in Ireland from New York gets the letter and then that's how he's communicating via letter to set up an escape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And each letter takes, like, from New York to Ireland to send that letter. You could mail it at Christmas, they said, and you wouldn't get it until April.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So yea, to like arrange this escape is fucking insane. Uh, January 3rd, 1852 is when Mar makes his escape. Uhm, also in 1852, interesting, the Australian Gold Rush. There's a ton of gold in Australia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] England, but yea, that's, there's a huge rush of people to Australia. Non-prisoners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now regular people are starting to move in and they're like, we can't have any more prisoners down here. So that starts the beginning of people being like, alright, no more, you can't make this a penal colony. Yeaah. Cause now regular people are moving down there and now a lot of regular people are moving down and getting rich and then being like, no, I make rules now. Yeaah, makes sense. No more fucking prisoners.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so yeaah, it's pretty funny how he escapes too. He writes a letter to the governor saying that I'm escaping today at noon. Cause you had to have your honor. You couldn't break your word.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You have to have like a trick. Like the way McManus sent like a dying guy to the hospital and was like, it's me. Just kidding, I'm leaving. Like you had to have something cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so his daring escape was, he wrote a letter and said, I'm gonna escape today. As soon as like the first patrol got into his house to look for him, he was like on a horse, like a hundred yards away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Uh, upon word of his escape, the governor announced, uh, in the newspaper that he was gonna send him to Port Arthur, that, that work camp, and make him the bottom sawyer under a very good top one. He's gonna get raped. In the paper he was like, I'm gonna make sure he gets raped. By a big guy, if we catch him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, they were sending people down there for fucking nothing. True. So you could, I mean, in the same area of like, paroled rapists, there was also like, you got caught stealing a goose. They were trying to get rid of poor shitty people in London. Yea, that makes sense. And just shipping them off. Any reason. For anything. That makes sense. Like if you were in debt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this is, uh, when he rides off, cause he like gives them a chance to catch him, he like goes and stay, he rides north, up to the top of the island. Uhm, and he's staying, like on the way, everybody there hates the British, so they're like, eh, stay at our house, like, everybody's with him. He's, he's never gonna get caught. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but the plan was, he gets up to the north, where he finally meets, uh, these two brothers, and they have a small shitty raft that they built.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's, uh, he goes to this island that's on, it's in the strait between Tasmania and Australia. It's where the Indian Ocean meets the Pacific Ocean, the water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With oars, cause there's mako sharks, they're like smaller, these guys are just fucking whacking them. But they also said you could see giant fucking shadows underneath you, all great whites.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They said any time there was like a calm, cause normally it was like waves and shit, cause it was straight, but like any time there was a calm you'd look down and see. Took two hours to get out to the side, two miles. Pretty wild. On the raft. On the raft. Two hours of just like, oh we're definitely gonna die.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so then they get out to this fuckin' island and they, they start to realize like, oh fuck, maybe we're fucked. Because this plan is just from letters. Like, was it Tuesday? The one that's supposed to come? Like, they didn't know. When the boat's coming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The brothers were just helping them. Uhm, so they had enough food for like a day, which they instantly obviously run out of. And the next day, the brothers are like, we gotta get out of here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now it's like a day later, the brothers leave, Mars just on a fucking desert island. Uh, there's no food, he has to like climb a cliff every day to steal eggs from these birds that he just keeps eating. Uhm, there's snakes everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and then he's on that fuckin' island for ten days. Before the ship comes. On the tenth day he's like starving to death just sitting there. And a ship of pirates lands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What kind of ships are going on? Are these all sailboats? No, in 1850, yea, I guess it would be some steam engines. It had to be, right? Yea, yea, yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They weren't exactly pirates, they were definitely criminals. They were from Tasmania in Australia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, also there's some funny stories about people that also tried to escape. Uhm, one guy disguised himself as a kangaroo, like he killed a bunch of kangaroos and skinned them, and then dressed up, and then dressed like a kangaroo and hopped out of Port Arthur.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That prison. And a guard just fuckin' shot it. Cause he thought it was a kangaroo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The guard in the tower just saw a kangaroo hopping away. Which is bored. Yea, and killed it. And then he went to look at it and they were like, oh my god.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lady named Mary Bryant who was sentenced to seven years in Tasmania for stealing a silk bonnet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, she took, and her entire family went with her. So she's got her kids and her husband. Uh, they, they escaped. They stole a boat off of, from the police. Uhm, on their family. They sailed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 3,000 miles, like through the Great Barrier Reef and shit, uh, to Dutch Timor. Uh, when they got there they told everyone they were castaways.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they were like, received like, oh shit, incredible, like this family, they were all like heroes. Then the husband got drunk and bragged that they escaped and they immediately got sent back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unless she started a family down there, which makes sense also. Ah, yeah, yeah. Either way, the husband got fucking hammered at a bar and...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, one guy, Alexander Pierce, stole shoes. That's why he got banished. Uh, him and four other guys escaped. Uh, they, their boat, they sucked. It just washed them back on shore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, these four dudes ended up just eating each other. Pierce was the only one that survived. He ate three dudes. They, the cops showed up after he ate his last friend and then hanged him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so the island he was on, I already talked about this, uh, after nine days on that island,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so fucking weird. It's crazy. It's also, I mean, what a horrible fucking shitty escape attempt.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They sailed like up the coast of Tasmania and just got shipwrecked. And then ate each other and one guy got hung. At the end. Got hanged.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm. You could even do that. Alright, so. Thomas Mark gets off of Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he gets on again the Elizabeth Thompson, which I thought was pretty sick. He got on the exact same boat McManus escaped on. They sailed around South America and he switched ships in Brazil, sailed for New York. So he gets to New York, I think it's like 1852.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, so he gets to New York and it's literally it's gangs in New York. Like that's when he's in New York. Damn. Like the five points. In the book it's talking about like the dead rabbits, all those gangs were real. Like the plug uglies.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but also Mars celebrated again, like he's greeted as a hero, uh, the failing New York Times claimed he was, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was the Irish savior, cause the Irish were pieces of shit at that point. So they were like, finally this guy's gonna come and lead them out of the dirt. Uhm, he was only 29, like he, the president wanted to meet him. He was a national hero. Fillmore? Yea. So yea, Fillmore was still trying to like, yea. Come on Irish people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, also while he was on that trip, Katherine Bennett gave birth to his son who died. Yeaah. Like right away. So he never even knew the kid was born.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he gets to New York, he gets a letter that was like, hey, the kid didn't make it. He's like, dang. Snap. Snap. Just keeps going about his life. Uhm, in New York, like, uh, there's all these nativists. These guys, like, Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York was like, part of this, like, get these fucking Irish outta here type thing. Uh, there's the Know Nothing party. Uhm. Now, what are these guys? Are they like, British?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, they're very American. They're basically fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all Anglo, Protestant, shit like that. Little history of the Know Nothings, 1844.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Philly riots. In Philly, they had a big meeting, uhm, they formed a militia against what they called the bloody hand of the pope called the White Awakes. They were woke. Fuck. They started saying woke. White Awakes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was funny how that shit just repeats itself. Yeaah, I mean entirely.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they burned like a Irish library and fire state. They just, you know, went wild. Yeah. But that's how they got their name, the Know Nothings, because whenever police would ask them what happened, they'd all be like, I know nothing about that. So there's literally a political party called the Know Nothings. So they found it off of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and the Know Nothings started to try to put together laws of like, you know, Irish people can't be cops, Irish people can't be firefighters, Irish people definitely can't be in office, shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, so they also, they also started making like laws to try to limit immigration. They tried to build the wall. They would make like the, the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The dimensions of a ship that was carrying people over had to be like really small so it couldn't fit a lot of people which just resulted in them just cramming people in. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, while Marr was in New York, he was giving, he was giving speeches. That's how he was making money. He was like traveling around. He was doing, he was, he was a road comic. He was going around giving speeches, getting paid a fucking ton to do that. Uhm, finally Catherine Bennett does show up with Marr's father.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, she had been sent to live with the father over in Ireland and everybody was like confused as to how they were together because she was like real quiet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and he was, he was a womanizer. He was out. It was party time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, she hated New York, obviously. She was living in fucking gangs New York. Uh, she went back to live in Ireland with his dad. But, while she was in New York, she got pregnant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, and then died during childbirth back in Ireland. Giving birth to his son. Okay. Who lived.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they were like, it's better for him to be raised by the grandpa. So his dad just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Raised him. Raised his son. He just had a son in Ireland that he couldn't see legally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 360 slam dunk, dude. Yea, Thomas Morrow had a fuckin', big time come up. He's like, oh wait, my wife died too? In childbirth, and then you're gonna raise my kid? Yea. It's like, big time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Marr actually did fall into like a deep depression and he was still going all over the kind of like just drinking, giving speeches. He was like, this is, this isn't what I'm built for. Uhm, but eventually he met this lady named Elizabeth Townsend, who was like a rich wasp, like the Townsends were like royalty in New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Protestant, Anglo, fuckin'. So everybody in her- now he was marrying up. And everybody on her side was like, if you marry him, you're- you're out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now his boy Mitchell, all the, all the other, all of Young Ireland has escaped Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, it's definitely not a place I might run into it again, but while they were in Tasmania, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which by the way, it changed from Van Diemen's Land to Tasmania around this time because everybody wanted to get rid of that old stigma of this being a prison colony.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They also, Tasmania was granted like sovereignty from England. They got more rights on this prison colony than Ireland had.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like while Young Ireland was in Tasmania, Tasmania was granted, like you can have your own parliament and vote and all that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Young Ireland helped write, like, Tasmania's constitution. They did all that for Tasmania. It was pretty sick. While they were there. So they all escaped, uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mitchell though, the guy I was talking to, I think Mitchell was the one who, no that was Smith O'Brien, Mitchell was the one who was stuck on that boat in South Africa.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he got to America he became a pro-slavery writer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like Mars father-in-law, like they hated the Irish. And then you go south and it's like, no, they like us here. Um, and then it was easy to spin because the south was fighting against the government. You know what I mean? And they're like, this is the same struggle you guys just came from. But it, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Marr then, you know, he was going on the road a lot, he didn't feel good, but when he met his new bae, he got like a new fucking life and he started to feel good about himself and he started a paper that was anti-slavery. Okay. So Marr's anti-slavery, his boy Mitchell, pro-slavery, started kind of a rivalry between two former fucking dogs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nice, O'Connor, this will be good for you. Okay. So this is, it was weird to a lot of people that all the Irish that were coming over here started to become racist. Mhm. Like they had just come, when Frederick Douglass was in Ireland, he was in Ireland in the 40s.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was like, he said he had never once been judged for his skin color over there, uh, but in the 1850s all the Irish immigrants would show up and be racist as fuck. He's like as soon as they came to America they got indoctrinated. And he had a pretty interesting-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, right when they get there, all the politicians are like, if, if Lincoln wins, or if we, you know, emancipate the slaves, they're gonna take your job. That's four million slaves coming up here to take your fucking job.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the Irish, they were like living in tenements and they were hated by the white people. So it was a weird, like that was the mentality, like if they do free those slaves, they're gonna come up here and take whatever shitty job we have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But again, when he was in Ireland, he was like, everybody loved black people. And as soon as they got here, they were like, fucking, I don't like them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but Marr also in that paper, that pro-slavery, er, anti-slavery paper he had was like, writing. He also got like 50,000 listeners, er, readers. Which is pretty funny. Yeah. By population standard. He was, he was the Joe Rogan experience. Really? There was a lot of people in New York just reading one paper. Yeah, that's a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeaah, probably, cause 800... Yeaah, it was probably around like 3 million. Yeaah. Uhm, no, that's high.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yea, Mara was telling them all to fucking leave New York. Like, stop living in these fucking shitty tenements. Like, just go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, he was, he was encouraging the Irish to fucking leave New York. Yeah, far and away. Yeah. Marr ended up becoming friends with a guy named Michael Corcoran, uh, who was the leader of the 69th Regiment of New York Militia, which ends up being the Irish Brigade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Corkoran, his whole brigade was Irish.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Corcoran got in trouble because he refused to march his regiment in a parade for the Prince of Wales, which resulted in him getting court-martialed and sent to jail. And it sparked a national debate with Irish loyalties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, interesting, Harper's Weekly wrote a big thing about it that was like, 75% of the violent crimes are perpetrated by these fucking Irish hooligans.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Kinda the same argument people use against black people now, like they represent this percentage of the population and all of the violent crime, like these people are not right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, the Irish, hooligans started then. That was a term for the Irish people there. Also the term paddy wagon came from just constantly arresting Irish people. Enough that they stopped using carriages and just got like a truck. Just threw like 40 people in the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Mar ended up defending Corkoran and that like fucked up his public life. It kinda slowed down his gigs. He got cancelled? He got cancelled. He got cancelled. He was like, I'm pushing boundaries bro. Uhm, so there was like a national debate that the Irish couldn't be trusted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's gotta be close, it's probably like 1858? 59? Yeah. It's getting close. Uhm, actually 1860.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so what's going on now, like, there's a lot that led to this, and I ended up writing down and listening to a lot of stuff about, like, the start of the Civil War.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Walmart got cancelled, he ended up selling his newspaper, and he took his bae down to Central America. Uh, just went on a nice trip. Where? Costa Rica. Nice. Whoa. Which, when he got there, the president of Costa Rica met him, uh, and also he was doing diplomatic work on the side for President Buchanan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Was he from PA? He's the only PA president. Whoa. Jimmy Buck. Nice. Pretty crazy, we only had one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohio had like eight. Really? Yea, Ohio had a bunch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How you talkin' midwestern, just around the corner is a nice midwestern senator by the name of Abraham Lincoln.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But no, Jimmy Buck was like a very- James you can't was one of the worst presidents ever. Also- Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rumored to be gay. He never had a first lady. He was the only bachelor president.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He ended up being what's called a doe face, which is a northern with southern.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right now, there's only like 30 states. The whole other side of the country is empty. It's just territories. California eventually gets added because of the gold rush. Same thing with Tasmania.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like Mexican succession or something. We already had that, like that war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So Jimmy Buck's like, when each time they add a new territory, they have to decide if it's pro or anti-slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Buchanan's pretty weak on it and he wants to keep everybody happy. So he keeps being like, yeah, you can do whatever. Like in Kansas, he issues this constitution. It's like you guys, Kansas and Nebraska are the same territory. It's Kansas territory. And he's like, you guys can decide yourselves, which just results in what's called bleeding Kansas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People just start fighting each other, like crazy. Like, we're gonna get to John Brown in a second, cause he was out in Kansas, his John Brown sons were out in Kansas, and they were like, there's a lot of anti-slavery shit out here, and he was like, don't worry dude, I'm coming out there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rides out there, they murdered like five dudes with swords.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they had wild shit. John Brown gets nutty. Uhm, also the Dred Scott case happened, uh, in 1857. Now, you've all heard that, you know. Yeah, I've known anyone who does. Uhm, Dred Scott was a slave who,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His master in like the 1830s was a military officer. So the guy got transferred all the time to different states and different territories and each different state had different rules on slavery. So like he would go to like fucking Wisconsin, which was free and still be a slave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. But when that guy died, he gave Dred Scott and his family to his wife. And that's when Dred Scott filed a complaint.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I think it was in St. Louis. When he was in like a free state. In Missouri, he filed a thing, and they ruled, the first hearing ruled that he was free. And then they took it to the Supreme Court there, and ruled that he was not free. And then they took it to the national, you know, the Supreme Court. Yeaah. And that's where he got his address.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then you get the Dread Scout Ruling that was read by, uh, Justice Taney. Yeah. Taney. Taney. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spoiler! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't go Dred Scott's way. Uh, Justice Taney, or Tanny, however you say it. Also, room, like, Buchanan kind of was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The case ends up being that black people can't be citizens. Like it wasn't even about this guy as far as which state can accept this. He's like their only property and they can never be US citizens. It's a federal ruling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So then it just divides it to the point where there's no middle ground. Either the entire United States is pro-slavery or anti-slavery. There's no like, each new territory, you can debate this, it's just like, we have to, it's just pushing closer. This is 1857, the war starts in 61. So it's just like one of the last, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's true. There was no more room for... There's no debate. Words failed. The Supreme Court, yeah. Uhm, but yeah, back to 1855 and Bleeding Kansas. John Brown, that's when he rode out with his sons. John Brown had 20 kids.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Brown's a honky, by the way. John Brown's a honky? John Brown's a honky. I thought John Brown was a black guy. No, no, no. John Brown's a, like, hardcore religious abolitionist.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What? Yeah, he's like a Calvinist. Dude. He was raised by like a super religious family that's like, slavery is a mortal sin. And it's, you know, it's a stain on this country. How the fu- I thought John Brown


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's Nat Turner, but John Brown led, he was trying to lead his slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Brown starts, yea, we can go into him for a little bit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He goes into Kansas, his two of his sons go out to Kansas, write a letter back to him like, it's fucking crazy out here. There were fights, there were constantly towns, people would go in and murder people, pro and anti-slavery people were fighting everywhere. I think that's where the Jayhawks, the name, Kansas Jayhawks comes from, it's one of them. Yea, it's a term for like anti-slavery people. I forget.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Brown goes out with his dogs, murders five dudes with like a sword, takes the twelve slaves that they owned, rides them to Canada. From Kansas, like in the winter, which is nuts. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When he's in Canada, he like meets with like Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, like he's like, I always thought John Brown was like a fucking lunatic that no one really cared about, but he was like actually like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Boys with Frederick Douglass and like, talked to Harriet Tubman and she like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She supported him, but they were- Harriet Tubman was like, you need to fucking chill. Cool your chats, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they had like small battles of like hundreds of dudes fighting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it was like a, yeah, it wasn't a sword. No, it was rocks and stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's what Frederick Douglass told him. He met with Frederick Douglass and his plan in 1859, 1859 was Harper's Ferry. That's when he, he's like, I'm going to set up a stronghold in the mountains in Appalachia and attract free slaves, or like attract slaves and start like a rebellion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he met with Frederick Douglass to explain that plan and Frederick Douglass was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] John Brown had declared bankruptcy like 10, he just failed at every business venture.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He had like 20 businesses that failed. I mean he was a...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a fuck up in that sense, but he also, like they said, he worked hard and like was just like, he was very stoic and very like, I'm on a mission from God to destroy slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's who I was thinking about doing next. We'll get to Grant. Oh, eventually. He's fuckin' sick. So John Brown's kicking around. John Brown in 1859 is like, here's the plan, we're gonna go take Harper's Ferry, which was a federal arsenal, with thousands of guns. He's like, we need to take this arsenal to supply our revolution.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, he thought he was gonna get a lot of help. They ended up only getting like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So him and five dudes. Him, he had 17 white dudes, I think.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Newby had a sick story. He was a freed slave that was joining up to raid Harpers Ferry because his family was close by. You know, he was going to free his wife.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so anyway, Harpers Ferry fails, they go in, uhm, what's funny is the town started shooting back. The townspeople just picked up guns and started like sniping them. Three of his sons were with him, they all fucking died.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, they ended up hiding in like a, a, a fire hole.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like they set up shop in like a fire department. Okay. And uh, like barricaded the walls. There was like four of them left. And uh, the Colonel sent down by the militia was Robert E. Lee to go shut it down. Robert E. Lee and Jeb Stuart led like 80 Marines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they sent the marines in, which Robert E. Lee gave the order, only bayonets. Don't fire your gun. Just go in and fucking stab these dudes. Uhm, so they break in and, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, one guy got pinned up against a wall with a bayonet. Pretty fucking sick. Died, stuck against a wall, threw him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, pretty, yeah, pretty wild. But, uh, John Brown got, uh, arrested and hung. And at his hanging, it was pretty sick. Stonewall Jackson was just there watching the hanging. And like, they all reported on how sick John Brown was. Like how, like, serious, like he just took it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, like, it was almost like he never thought he was gonna succeed. Like the best thing he could have been at Harpers Ferry was a martyr. Like he compared himself to Samson. If you remember that story, like when Samson gets captured by the Philistines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way he just destroys the whole, he literally tears the roof down and kills himself and everybody. Which is what John Brown did. You know? Damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh shit. Yea, like really broke out. He was like, you guys can kill me, but your day of reckoning is soon. Oooooh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, also what's, I mean, I didn't, this isn't part of this, but Robert E. Lee was asked by Lincoln


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That the US government would buy that connects the Pacific and Atlantic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he like built like basically a land canal. You know what I mean? Like what the Panama Canal eventually becomes. He was going to have a land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Continental Railroad? Yeah, just down in Central America. That like the British and US government would fund. And he was close to signing the deal, but then all this shit broke out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it fell through, which ended up putting Mar into like a deep depression where nothing he ever does happens. Like he just keeps, he's like, maybe I'm just a fucking pussy that goes around talking. He falls into like a drunk depression. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So while Marr's in Central America, that's when Lincoln gets elected. Marr comes back in 1861, which is Lincoln's first year in office.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lincoln hadn't been inaugurated yet. He just won the election. As soon as Lincoln won, this is pretty crazy, Lincoln wasn't even on the ballot in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina. Wasn't even on the ballot for the presidential election. He won.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, so before Lincoln even takes office after he won the election, South Carolina on December 20th, 1860 declares


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're seceding from the union. After South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Texas, they all bail. Uhm, just before he's even in office after he won the election. Uhm, and in those states, slaves make up 47% of those populations.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pretty wild. Yeaah, that's pretty wild. That's how many, I mean there's four million. Slaves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When Lincoln is inaugurated, uh, Taney, the guy who delivered that, the dred Scott, he was the one who administered the oath to Lincoln. Uh, Lincoln...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is he like an asshole about it? Yea, probably. There was, the Democrats hated Lincoln. Right. And, yea. Uhm, Lincoln at his inauguration said, I have no, actually here you do this Chris. How do you think Abraham Lincoln talks?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was like, I'm not gonna, in the states that already have slavery, I'm not gonna try to abolish that. I don't think it's legal for me to do that. But in the new territories, that's where he would fight for it. Uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, Corker and his boy was still in jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For not marching in front of the King. And the North was the one who put him in jail. Uhm, Mitchell's still down there, rallying. He's got, there's 80,000 Irish citizens in the South. And Mitchell's telling them, like, fucking join up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And whenever Marr and his wife had gone down to the south, they loved them. They treated them well. They loved the Irish down there. Uhm, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mar, on April 12th, 1861, found out exactly what he was gonna do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, uh, this was the first battle of the Civil War that broke out at Fort Sumter in South Carolina. And Mara was like, I'm fucking done with the South, dude. I'm gonna fuck them up for this. What pissed him off? I don't know. I don't know. It was probably something about honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, maybe. It's gotta be on a related level. I don't think anyone died at Fort Sumter either.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They shot at each other? It was a federal fort in South Carolina and they just bombarded it, like bombed it for a while and eventually they surrendered it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think that's the war of 1812. Okay. I think in Baltimore. Okay. Uhm. But yea man, that's, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was living in New York. Yea, he was in New York, but he was torn and then I guess that was the one, it was something like a calling hat, like he just felt, because again, he just got back from fucking Central America. Yea. And he was like, I'm a loser dude, nothing I do works. Then as soon as the war broke out, he felt, you know, compelled.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yeaah, that's where we're gonna leave off. So now he's, so he's, he's gonna fight with the Union soldiers now. Yeaah, yeaah, corkaron just gets released from jail. They're like, you boys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] War broke out and they're like yeaah, we're gonna need the guy, the guy who's leading the Irish Brigade. Let em out. We're gonna let these Irish boys loose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Interestingly enough, Mitchell's rallying a southern Irish Brigade. I don't want to get too deep into it, but I know for a fact they fight each other at Fredericksburg. What? I don't know if Mitchell's leading them or not, but I know the Irish Brigades shot each other in Fredericksburg.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. And just the southern dudes were up on a hill behind a wall, just murdering these Irish dudes. The other Irish guys.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, right. Now it's kind of like a cliche, but even in gangs in New York, like those dudes, Irish dudes getting off the boat, and as soon as they get off the boat, they're handed a fucking rifle and a uniform. They're like, congratulations, you're a US citizen, you're also in the army. And what do they call that? It's not Shanghai.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also forgot to include that Mar became a U.S. citizen at this point. Because a lot of the pressure from the Know Nothings


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, there's some other wild shit that led to the fucking build up to the civil war like this dude, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Representative from PA fuckin' knocked out a boy from the south, dude. He was like, I'm not gonna let some fuckin' pussy tell me what to do. And the southern dude was like, or the northern dude was like, some fuckin' slave driver piece of shit. And he fuckin'...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They do that over in, like, Ukraine. That's what I'm saying. Just break out into a fist fight. I need some brawls. Uh, there's also a guy, this dude, I think from Massachusetts, Charles Sumner, this southern dude, like, basically beat him to death with a cane. In, in the house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, debating the slavery thing. And then, the guy who did it, I forget his name, the southern guy, like people would mail him new canes. He came back with a cane that said, do it again. Engraved into it. Pretty wild, man. It was, I mean, it led to a fucking civil war.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's part two. If you can sit through it again, we're gonna get to the Civil War.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's that guy, is that like, Indian looking dude? What's his name?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That wasn't his or- I wanted to organize this more, but-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's so much that leads up to the Civil War, and it also, you hear people be like, it's not a, the Civil War's not about slavery, it was entirely about slavery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. Well there is like, people would fight for the south on behalf of like states rights and like defending your home. So like a lot of the soldiers didn't give a fuck about slavery, most of them didn't have slaves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of slavery. Like all these factories in the north that were using cotton. And like Thomas Jefferson thought slavery would just die by itself. Like he wrote that it'll just have a natural death. Like we won't need it. Then it was getting close to that and then the cotton gin got invented.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then they knew they would need less slaves in that situation, right? No, no, you can just make, you can do more with the cotton. Oh, okay. So you just still had people picking it. Right, right, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, we're getting a little bit of the civil war, the Irish Brigade gets fucking nutty. Pretty sick, when my cousin played at Notre Dame, that was their motto. They had the Irish Brigade flag for the offensive line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause the Irish Brigade's motto is clear the way. Pretty fuckin' sick. Pretty tight, dude. Yeah, the whole of the line had shirts in Gaelic that said clear the way. That's tight. Tight, bro. Fuck yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea, the Irish Brigade was, I mean, on both sides, the southerners used them the same, where it was just like, they're going first. Yea. Like, these are the worst people we have. Throw them out front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's where we'll leave it off, dude. Alright, dude. Part 3. Next week. It's exciting. Yeah, man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you ever watch like the ASMR shit with the nails? Do you ever watch like the ASMR?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's, I mean, you might actually, especially there are like people who do ones that are specific to nails, like tapping on stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, it's really just to like- It's like a pleasant, like, sound? Yea, it's supposed to, yea, it's, it's like, uh, I think I, I'm gonna explain it poorly, but I think it's just like a technique of like talking really softly and then like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Highlighting noises of like activity, uh, so as to like kind of create this euphoric sensation for your ears.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, uhm, I don't know. It's kinda like narrowing it down is kinda nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh nice. That's great. I never, I really, most of the time when I go to sites, I'm like, I also don't, like, I don't know. I'm like, I don't really like anything that I'm, maybe I'm just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that's the thing is, I look at it like really infrequently, so when I go to the site,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'm hoping that by the time I get to, this has been my thing for a while. I'm hoping by the time I get to like the front page, just there's something on there where I'm like, this looks great. Let me just get into this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always, yes, it's always that. Uh, or like, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like when there's clothes around too much. I would like, just get entirely naked. Oh, sure. Oh, gotcha.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. I'm always like amped. It's like nice. I hope you guys both. Yeah. Achieved. It's pretty tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And fuck. You know what, I mean, like this is, this has come up before with like one of my, one of our friends, one of our friends has been like, I'm gonna have sex with someone. Do you wanna like watch? Do you wanna come watch? And I was like, yeah, sure. And then, uh, I think he was, he was like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, okay. No, this was, this will not happen. He was just stunting on you. Well, no, I think it was like the person he was going to have sex with was like, yeah, sure. So it was like two and then he was like, okay, now I can't. It was like, I think, I think he was expecting one of the people to say no.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It started out as like a joke and then I was just like, I mean, I guess I will. I mean, it was, this was a couple of years ago where I like cared less about my, how I'm affected by experience. And now I care a little bit more about myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So now you wouldn't put yourself in that situation? I don't think so. I actually mentioned it, I mentioned it to Shane, he was like, you don't want to do that. Yeaah. And I was like, you're probably right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right, which I don't want, that's what I don't want. It's like, I'm just there to hang out, but also, I don't know, I don't wanna step on your thing. This is your thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually, you know what, when you see that shit, when I like go on porn sites and that, it looks like a comic book. It looks like villains in a comic book.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every interaction you have, are you like, are you tabulating wins and losses or are you just like aware of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, yeah, I guess to, yeah, right, so he's like, I guess he's writing from the perspective of outside the game where you can win and lose and he's just like pointing this out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was like the ultimate put down when I was... I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still pretty effective. But like, when I was growing up, I was totally like, that's the one. That's the, that's the red button on the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I mean, fans specifically designed so people can see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a, it's like circus-like. It's so weird. It's like you walk, it just, I mean, it's the, when I walk in, the one I went in, I was like, this is the highest building I've ever been in. Like, there were so many shelves. Like, it was so, mannequins were so hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow. So he was like, that's like the, well yeaah, that one's bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would, yea, I would think he's like an American guy. Yeaah. Cause it's gotten, it's like been so popular in America. Uhm. Damn, they were from 96, dude. That's when he came out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and it hadn't- Might be PR though. Would, like, bring him on the show?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, if you're, yes, that, that, yeah, okay. I guess that's a good point, yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it did look cool. Man, uh, he's still going, he's like still kinda, he's not whiling as much as he was. He'll be back. I hope so. Cause, yeah, I hope so. He is the internet. Yeah, I do still want a soldier watch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think they were original, were they original games?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was a lot. But maybe, maybe we get Tommy Gear. Actually, no, we can't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think they might be? I think that's cool that Oprah had them on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, those are crazy. Well, he has, he also, his logo is giant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, dude I've been laughing about it all week. That made me laugh for like about a week. I'm still laughing. I had one. Did you? Over the weekend. I had one the day after we talked about it. Have you ever had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, I, yeah, I mean, I, I've like never thought of it until you put words to it like that. But, yeah, uhm, yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, we, I definitely, I was fat then, so I definitely ate all of it. I definitely ate the whole meal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I, yeah, we like, I haven't seen one, the one that happened, I mean, this is now, thinking about it, it's kind of, the one that it happened that went out of business. So, I think we just like, left a crater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, that is still, that's my favorite picture. I'm sorry, I'm like, I like geek out on that picture of him and like, it's the picture of him with the girl who's underage and then Ghislaine Maxwell is standing behind them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you might as well, Epstein could have been like, put this shirt on, and a shirt that just said, I fuck teenagers. I know, man. It's like, pu- purely, like this is, like, I'm setting you up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 16 times is crazy. It's cra- that's so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I feel like that's just more, more like kind of power to wield.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then I was about to say something, I mean just, yea, Hillary, like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's tough, yea. Especially depending on how long the flight is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually kind of cool. I mean, more astute observations. I'm keen to power dynamics, dude. Do you sleep on planes or not? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, yeah, yeah, I guess. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you should start getting that. Yeah. Tactical. Yeah. Sir, please remove your gift suit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, wow, actually, you know what? Now? Pretty good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was just on the street. Now I'm fascinated by this guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Which is nice, because yeaah, it's a double, you're doing two things, you're, so it is, I mean it's self care in more ways than one. True.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Great, it really does sound great. I mean, I like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So jogging is like primarily to gain length.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hard. I mean I think that's probably why people don't do it a lot. It's like, it's a practice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Am I wrong with, there's a Q where the K is typically in Jock, right? There's a Q, yes. It's Jock.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To milk. Man. That's been around for a while too. That's like a... That's a season...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Could you just, is there like, if you got like really, like a bunch of hands, or big enough hands, could you jelk a person, like an entire person to make them taller? He used to stretch people? How do you feel about that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I mean, did we, did I, did we mention, I mean, I just see, ehm, it's very political. Like in, in the sense of like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I just know that they're like, they love, yeah, they love the NBA and China.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Did he has, did you ask him what his history with the place is? The school?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, not much, I dunno. I was, uhm, actually, I was reading, I feel like you would probably like it, I was, uh, I was reading this, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This story, this like, a journalist who tracked down this girl from the UK who joined ISIS when she was like 15. She became like an ISIS bride.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, he like tracked her down in Syria and like found her and like interviewed her and stuff, but then- How's she doing? Uh, I didn't get- I'm not at the end of it yet, but uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She, like, he, he, he interviewed her for the first time for like four years after she'd joined ISIS. And she, he was like, she's 15. The way she's talking is like, she's obviously kind of been brainwashed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I know, it's kind of funny, cause like initially when I thought of, and maybe this is the case still, but at least with them, it's like they were brainwashed, clearly. Like just, they were just- How? On like YouTube? I, well that's what I don't know. I don't know how they, like they don't get into that, like how they were contacted.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think it's like, I mean, it's like, what's it akin to, where like, uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, exactly, you're right. That's, that's what I, I think it's like, and this is even weirder, it's like, uh, uh, and this, I think this is true, a girl who was like a little bit like, uh, the grade above them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Already kinda cool. She's older. I think she was on her way to being radicalized. Somehow. I don't know how.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. That's even, that's even weirder. I mean, I don't know how the marriages work out, but it's like they get there. And I think it's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, okay, well you are, you're female, so I, I could be wrong with this, but I'm under the impression that it's like, you're female, you're gonna marry one of these guys. For sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But actually, even more frustrating, well I don't know if it's, yea it is kind of frustrating because it's like, it's, it, I think it's kind of, well I don't, it's unfortunate either way but I think they were killed in airstrikes. So it's like they weren't even- Oh, a friendly fire. Well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we can't confirm. And the other one's still alive. And the other one's still alive, and she's like, at this point, she was in... It's kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's, it was kind of funny to me because it's like at the point in which like the fight against this like, I said, like where they had like a stronghold when they were, it was beginning to slip. She was kind of like, man, kind of fuck Isis. And then she kind of like dipped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, maybe it is this person because it could be. Because she, she's from the UK and then she was trying to...


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[Assistant] This guy, also this, she got like a shitty husband too. This guy, he was like in ISIS jail for a little bit, cause he was like spying.


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[Assistant] I don't know, they put him in the nicest jail before they met. And then they were like, this is your husband. And then, uh, she would like wash him. They fucking like beat him up and shit. She was like, my husband sucks.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. That was, you might be the Swedish teens. Swedish teens did that.


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[Assistant] Depending on how she was doing, I would give that up. If she was like, killing it. But they don't get to, I don't think they're really pretty, they're kinda just like, they like, root for ISIS. Which is, it's like, let them in. Some of these, some of these ladies can probably ball.


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[Assistant] Where they, I, I, I get the sense that they kinda stay on the sidelines. And it's like, I don't know if they're joining, they might wanna-


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[Assistant] It's like you are now on love, well, what's the show? Are you the one? Yeah, that show where it's like, it might as well be.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and then, yeah, that kind of would function. Well, then turn Isis into a bunch of camboys.


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[Assistant] Tupac. Kinda. So he's still alive. Or not even. Never existed.


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[Assistant] Yeah, jockeying. For sure. Encouraged jockeying.


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[Assistant] That would s- Yeah, that would suck way more. Being like, everyone else is a huge dick too. Fuck. What are they mad about? Yeah, yeah.


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[Assistant] Well, I know, okay, so I think it's still in process because it takes years, but when the first story came out a couple of years ago, uhm, like the Foreign Secretary or something revoked her citizenship to Britain and


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[Assistant] Yes. Uhm, wow, yeaah. She's in limbo right now. You don't know where she is. She's in limbo right now where I think it's like, I think she's trying to like appeal to come back in. And... What's her case?


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[Assistant] Well yea, cause now, now it definitely, I mean, it probably sucks. I, well, it just, I bet it sucks. It has to suck. I mean, being in ISIS, probably not great.


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[Assistant] I don't, I don't think so, I think they were, so this, this may get closer now, I think they were all like Muslim, but just born in London.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and I mean, school probably wasn't that funny.


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[Assistant] There, yea, there's some wild, there's some wild boys.


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[Assistant] It's gotta be so hot where they are. True. You know, like, you know, the heat just kind of like...


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[Assistant] Non-soldier. They would not fuck with me. If I tried to like...


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[Assistant] Not even. If I tried to just, like, can I buy you a, something, can I buy you some tea?


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[Assistant] They travel the world. I couldn't survive dating a Israel- I don't think so. Really?


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[Assistant] Another mystery, this is, I think this is, I don't know if this is still true, but Nanyahu.


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[Assistant] Really? Yeah, I have no idea. I just went there. Netanyahu though. I thought he won again. One of his, well he did, but then I think he had to like form a government and he couldn't do it. Like people wouldn't like- They'd like to get out of here. Yeah, yeah, and they want this, they want this other guy, but I don't know if, I mean, maybe he'll still, maybe this other guy can't pull it out, and then-


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[Assistant] Yeah. Oh, I'm just, I'm still caught up on how he, like, did his hands too. Like, he was so thorough. Like, his good, like... When it, okay. I don't actually, I...


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[Assistant] Yeah, true. So, was this the uh, in this election, did Obama support him?


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[Assistant] That was something I was going to bring up. Yeah, I like that.


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[Assistant] No, while you're pulling that up, I did, the one thing I wanted to say about, it is another financial mystery in Israel that I, is Netanyahu's family's ice cream budget.


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[Assistant] It's, I think it's that it was more of like a hit piece probably that I read or something that was just to throw him in a bad light.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I actually don't care. Uh, that doesn't really change my opinion of him. Honestly, he's probably in a better mood.


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[Assistant] From what I know about having ice cream, I usually feel, I mean, fatter, yes, but better. Definitely, yeah. I feel like, you know. Like giggly, like you're like a little kid. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, it's great.


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[Assistant] Wait, is this? Okay, yeah. Sucked into this. Michelle Obama.


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[Assistant] Seven, eight years ago. So, but while, while... Huh? ...Oval was working...


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[Assistant] It has to start us off and then it gets to, that's a great health challenge.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it would have to be like, I mean, at least a week.


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[Assistant] Oh man. Oh my god. That is, that is hot. That's like a, yea, that sheet is like so, uh, it's so elusive.


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[Assistant] I'd have to be there watching. Yeah, with like a scientist. Writing stuff down.


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[Assistant] Oh, that sucks. From the perspective of...


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[Assistant] Yeah, definitely better than like live stream of you shooting up a mosque. It's like dicks. All right. But yes, that does sound bad.


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[Assistant] Oh man. What? Look at that. So this, I mean, do you want her to have a successful career though? You want her to flip this?


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[Assistant] Here she is. Was she, was she doing this on camera after the accident?


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[Assistant] See, this is what I thought. Okay, so he's not making money from fighting.


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[Assistant] He's gonna payroll? That's a sign of a successful person.


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[Assistant] Not anymore. I don't think so. Uhm, I don't know anyone who... I'm trying to think of anyone now. I mean like...


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[Assistant] No. I don't, it's boring, like, I was, I mean, I blacked out a couple weeks ago. That was too much for me.


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[Assistant] I know. Yeah, uh, it's, it's funny because it's like, I was thinking about that because it's like when you're younger and you do it, you, and you're doing, or not even like black now, but you're just getting drunk a lot. If you did that.


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[Assistant] Which I did, uh, it was like, oh, this is, uh, I don't know. It just like felt.


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[Assistant] Yeah. And it's in like a small window, but now like, I mean, I've been alive for long. It's like, Oh, my life is longer. And then there's like a couple of spots where I blacked out and it feels worse. It feels a lot worse.


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[Assistant] Well, it's, I don't know, in like, in the short window of stuff, it's like, oh, this is just a crazy time. I'm just- Yeah, it makes sense, yeah. I'm taking everything in. I'm just gonna drink a lot. But then now it's like-


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[Assistant] And then yeaah, then you're like kind of mean. Yeaah. Yeaah, you're kind of mean now. Uuuh. How about that?


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[Assistant] Yeah? Uhm, I don't know, I mean, it seems like...


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[Assistant] Yeah, but, you longboarded more. True that. So, you know, I started longboarding again. Maybe that'll get me back in the wild. I don't know anybody who's like fucking losing their shit anymore though. What do you mean? Like, yeah, it was fun watching.


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[Assistant] Yeah. Yeah, it is, I don't know. Well, it's like, I mean, it's the same thing. It's like, do you enjoy watching this guy? Are you even hung out with him that much?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it is great. I mean, yeah, you've been seeing, seeing anything like that. Cause it's just like...


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[Assistant] That does suck. What was the apartment? I mean, how was it? Otherwise... I was up at Temple, I was up at Temple. Besides the gun. Cool place.


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[Assistant] Yeah, ready to- Damn, I love that you put the dude's toothbrush up your butt. That's my-