[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a little, it feels a little, it's like dark and I'm just now getting into it, but you know, I gotta make sure I don't go too far with it, but it's like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not bad. Where I'm at with it right now, it's not bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't like, scroll it too much. Right. Cause like, now they send you like, uh, they send you uh, alerts to let you know like, somebody commented on the status. You know what I mean? So you know like, oh this is probably gonna be funny, or I'm probably gonna hate the fuck out of this. Right. Like, it knows you that well that it sends you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're just mostly tracking how horny we are throughout the day.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I think I talked about this before, but one time I was on a date with a chick and I whipped my dick out in the car.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, cause it's like, that was the same me that I am right now. Like that wasn't a different time in my life, but I'm the same human that was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I heard, again, I think I heard false rumors, but I heard false rumors, uh, from people that that move worked for them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also got crushed one time on a moving for a kiss situation that I thought I read the situation wrong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was in my room showing me her model portfolio and she was like, like a lot of it was just her nude and like really tiny bikinis and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then we were just in my room sitting on my bed looking at naked pictures of her awkwardly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was like, a chick that was hot but was just trying to tell me that she was a mob. She just had a portfolio. She just hired a photographer to take pictures of her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. It's like, it like gives the parents a personality.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there was a, there was a dude in my college who, uh, I ended up living, like when he, like the room that he lived in when I met him, when he graduated, I ended up living in that room, but he was, uh, he had severe ADHD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And he, like, he fucked up his, his, his subscript. He wasn't able to get his subscript because it came to the campus. And for some reason he wasn't able to get it for a while. And at first he was like freaking out about it. Because like he wasn't going to be able to have his red line or whatever he was on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But then after like a little bit, like he started to like level out and like do better in school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he started to, once he started doing better in school and then he started to be able to concentrate more.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He started freaking out about what was happening to him this whole entire time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he kinda, he kinda, he ended up, I don't even know if he, if he did graduate. I think he might have just fuckin' dropped out of school in like the last semester of college. Like he like, freaked out, he became like a, like a paranoid person about the fact that he was.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would go, I would go with tall. I've never been tall before. I've been short before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? I always find that shit odd when like ex couples stay friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's fake maturity anyway. It's not real.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Remember sometimes you used to begrudgingly fuck me? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and if you don't, stop trying to be their friends. Like people that are doing that, you don't have to be friends.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like in a different life she would speak like three languages and shit. Yeah, that's kinda nice. She has like an air of sophistication to her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's funny. Yeah, I blame my, I blame my farts on Ansley with the kids. That's a nice move. And I think, like, they, they either are going, I think they're just ripping her with me. You know what I mean? But they, they like fully get into it and she hates it. And like now, now what I'll do is, uh, like if we're standing near each other, I'll be like, everybody look, mom's about to fart. And then I just like let it rip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I swear to god, if I woulda, if Finn woulda asked for a drink and I was like, what do you say? He woulda been like, nevermind dude, I'm good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just like, I don't know, we just never, we're not, I don't know, we're, we're, we're polite to each other, but we're not mannerly people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can recap, I mean there's no end of felony fights we can watch. That is, thank you for opening my eyes to that. A fight ends in a cliff hang with no real instructions on how to find the rest of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, and honestly, what's weird is the UFC video game just takes street beefs and just does it in their game. Like, no one can own just fucking morons punching each other in the backyard. Why own that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess once you start doing heroin, you're like, well what else can I do for fun? It's like they say that was bad for me, clearly I'm fine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I showed you the link for the Delta 8 gummies with fentanyl in them. My brother, I was taking a dump between the regular ones. My brother's calling bullshit. You were calling bullshit. Yeah. Real ones, real ones, no, that's all hoax, bro. Well, here's the deal. Also though, Delta 8 gummies, I would imagine are handled by


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, I would think like street level kind of criminal- I would say a large bulk of Delta A gummies I think would be handled by like street criminals.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like made and packaged by. Cause it's like weird laboratory shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's like, dude, can you be a little more specific? I hate the fucking attitude in the newspaper now. Okay, so maybe-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, dude, that's how all these journalists right now. Can we disagree that maybe it's not as clear as we think? It's like, that's a bad headline, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I've heard with the synthet- like K2, Spice, I've heard those synthetic kinetabinoids or whatever get people like- This is hemp derived. Fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can give you the exact specifics, it's .3% THC. So if it's .3% or less? Yea. Alright, no, excuse me, yea, .3%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then you're good, then technically that's hemp. Then it's the same plant. If you grow weeds, then it's more than .3, then now that's cannabis. It's literally the same plant. People just fuck with the genetics to have it produce less THC. Okay. So then you can like isolate some weird cannabinoid and be like, we'll grow it and we'll kind of boost this one up so it's producing like 10% HHC or whatever. Yeah, so I really liked it. Did you? What is it though? You just told me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just wanna see, cause like CBD is like cannabidiol. There's like CBG, which is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's a, I don't know, cause I'm always curious, cause I, I've heard fentanyls in like, almost like a lot of street pills.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've talked to people who are like, if you take Xanax, there's a good chance you're gonna grab a, it's gonna be, you're gonna get a fentanyl bar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Exactly, you've never. So that's it, yeaah. It seems like a bad time to do pills and drugs. It seems like a very bad idea. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, people are getting real decadent with like two Vicodins and some wine. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I don't think they- Getting sleepy? I don't know if they still ex- I don't know, I haven't met- I think they keep it quiet now, it's gotten a bad rap. People were pretty open about their pill use a long time ago now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was more like Desperate Housewives. One leg hanging off of the bed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know. I just think it's a... I'm not completely ruling it out. The vape cartridges were kind of disgusting. Like, everyone's like, they scared away the vape cartridges. Dude, those things were dirty and gross.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like the OG vape cartridges that came out were disgusting. What was wrong with them? Uh, they were, they were like cutting it with like fractionated coconut, like MCT oil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The new ones, I mean, that was the thing, everyone was like, the weed companies, and I thought this too, were like, doing this to scare everyone. But then there was, dude, there were ones that literally said, this contains MCT oil, and people were getting lipid-induced pneumonia. Where apparently if you absorb a ton of fat into your lungs, which is not supposed to be there at all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not if you buy it from a dispensary, they're not allowed to. Propylene glycol, that was another one that you're just not supposed to smoke that stuff at all really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's just like a weird emulsifier you're not supposed to smoke. There's just stuff you're not supposed to smoke. Like weird, like, nanoparticle shit. Yeah, so that was everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a very narrow range of things you... People like combustible dry materials, they're obviously not the best for you, but like, acceptable for multiple years of life. Smoking fat is like, they were like, don't do that at all. And they were like, they were floating around in a lot of those, and everyone was like, this is a setup. I was like, no, those things were gross. It's good those things got eradicated.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, what are they- So I'm saying, someone, some dumbass may have fucking put fentanyl in these things. Not even as to sell it, they could have been like, oops, fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's been an accident. Dude, so now there's a long distance kissing device. Let's- Oh dude, Rainey showed me this yesterday. Did he really? Oh, it's only mental.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not bad to smooch your partner when you're far away, that's not that bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, long distance kiss through a fake lips. That seems to be kind of a useless invention, I would say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, you'd have to move to, like, strike off. You'd have to, like, you're tapped in this country. It's time to go. That's why dudes, like, sailed to fucking America.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just want them to live a fulfilling existence and it might not be in this land for them. People move all the time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want them to seek opportunity, I want them to kiss for real. Once you accept a robot kiss as the end all be all for you, that's a decision you made. I'm saying he doesn't come down with it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you just go down and just fucking like lick a magazine or so. I don't know, you have to practice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, there must be nothing better than crush. I mean, dude, we were just in that world watching cons versus cons, whatever that shit was called. Felony fights. Cage versus cons, felony fights. It's just, those are dudes. Maybe it would help actually, the kissing machine. Cause that is the kissing machine. You can buy one in the commissary in prison.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, let me see your retainers. Pick a guy that you can kiss whatever you want. That's what you need. Give me your retainers, dude. I need your retainers and two rubber bands. Oh, imagine smelling retainer smell and just kissing someone's retainer. That would be so gross. Retainer smells gross. What the fuck's going on in our mouths?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Smells fucking like shit all the time in our mouth. Yeaah. I think it'd be a little bit better. Did you ever think about the origins of kissing? Like where does it come from? Probably like a health


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm pro. I thought you said you have 13 children and you start kissing. I said, brother, I don't think you do. I'm flipping the card green, dude. I'm pro foreplay. I mean, obviously it's fun. It's just fun to take it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As I've grown older, I do have to be kind of reminded to be like, hey. I'm like, what the hell? What are we doing? He's like, well, let's work it. I was like, oh yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She says, hold on, slow down. I just stand there with a boner and go, okay, I'm done, I'm ready, I'm ready now, I'm ready for sex now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe I'm ready right now for sex. I actually put it off as long as possible. Four player sex.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But with the breastfeeding there, it's not really, like, titty sucking's not really on it. It's a weird card to throw in the mix. Pretty cool though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fantastic, but I'm saying like, if they're actively breastfeeding and you start to fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, you can keep it going forever as long as you- I know you keep the milk going. That's wirecrossing. If I'm giving it- I mean obviously I'm probably the best at sucking nipples.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you went to full, if you drank like 8 ounces of breast milk, it has a laxative effect. You shit your fucking pants. All the way up your back too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apparently bodybuilders buy like breast milk. Uh, sure. Yeah, it has like fucking, I don't know, creatine or something. Creatine's fake. No way, dude. It helps you hit home runs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the fuck? I think pre-workout should be illegal, dude. Why? I hate pre-workout. It's not- it's fucking drugs for dudes who don't know. They're just drugs. It's speed. For dudes who go to the gym and fucking like stare at themselves in the mirror. It's bird food. It's pretty cool. It's bird food. You don't want- you don't want-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever taken pre-workout? Nah. Exactly, you never rode the dragon. I had a multi-year pre-workout regimen, dude. It's harsh stuff. I took Jack 3D. Dude, harsh stuff, taking it. Took C4. Never took. No explode. No explodes, fucked up. That's a different thing though. That is like nitric oxide, which makes your veins dilate. Oh, it's just for the pump. For the pump, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I went to the gym twice on pre-workout, had a panic attack, and left both times. I didn't know what, and it exploded, my arms felt like they were literally like, pop, and I went, yea, I'm going home, fuck this. And then I went to, I took the pre-workout and just fucking like, talked to people relentlessly, and I was like, this is weird, I gotta go home. Yea man, I took that creative team one time,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's so strange because I've heard you take creatine and you gotta drink water because it'll start to go through your skin and give you a rash. Creatine will escape your body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it fucking went right out through the brain. That's awesome. I didn't think it was awesome. Creatine and passing out? Dude, you did it. It worked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well hi, aren't ya? Yeah, true. Yeah, it's... I don't know how I feel about...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ADD spazzes though, that were just pure spazzes, which I guess is kind of helpful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I don't understand why you don't just take kids with ADD and make them run like fucking sprint for like five minutes every morning. Like dog obedience?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would just assume all my kids are going to have ADHD and I'd just be like, yea go fucking run, go, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You should be expelling like 9,000 calories a day and you're being trapped like veal. And bored to tears. About something like you genuinely don't need to know. Like it won't serve you at all. It's fucked up. I hate school. I hate school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They love it, dude. They shine. I studied my spelling homework. It's like shut up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, no foresight, dude. It's like, you don't- I knew that, like, spelling was gonna be bullshit. I mean, I was actually a decent speller, but I knew, like, math. I was, like, sitting there, like, there's no way dudes are cranking out long division by hand. As a kid, I was like, this isn't a thing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I literally, I kept saying like, dude, I know there's calculators. I've seen one before. Can we please use a calculator? And they're like, not till fourth grade. And I went.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then it was like at the end, it was like remainder three and it's like, you guys, that you're satisfied with it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just drew a fucking hill of nonsensical numbers. R3. Like that's not even an answer. That's fucking bullshit. That's I couldn't get you an answer.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just wasted my time. It's like I didn't solve anything. It's close enough. It's 28 R3. It's like what the fuck, I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's fucking bullshit, I hated it my whole life. I hated it my whole life, and then we used a fucking calculator and I was like, I remember being pissed, being like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I spent hours doodling numbers on top of each other and I've mixed them all up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, well I misplaced a five and I thought it was in that column and the lady was like, well it's wrong. I'm like, it's not really wrong. I actually did it properly. I made one little mistake. Yea, you get the point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was bullshit. It was bullshit. It was like, I shouldn't have to do this. Did you ever, did you ever submit a, uh, math test with no work, just answers? That's a, that's an act of defiance. I've done it, dude. I've done it. I've tried to, I like honestly was trying to claim beautiful mind. I was like, dude, I just like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See, that's the bullshit, dude. I always fantasize about that moment in my education where I like, was taking a test with like the Kelly Blue book and I was kind of like, yea, this is actually not even a real question. Hand it in and I'm like, god, you saw through the test.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know what I'm talking about? I never got to do that. The Kelly Blue Book? Do you remember? That was the thing. Well, no, that's fucking, that's the car thing. Whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do, that shit's been Greek to me since I was a kid and I'm, I was just like, I'm not, I'm not even entertaining this stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh boy. I'm so anti-math, it's not even fun. I still, my blood boils thinking about having to sit in like, in like a nice spring day and figure out math problems in the dining room and just being like, this is fucking bullshit, dude. You ever look into uhm, forest schools? Yes, I like them a lot. I like them a lot. Useful. Very useful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My, what I would do would be group based projects that were somehow like gamified with like kind of like you turn it into a fun little contest with like little prizes and people had, instead of all this working alone on problems, it's like no no no, you gotta work in groups.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just giving us fucking bullshit problems and it was just, sucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's like, you get the kids, the teachers pop it in, like, hey, what's going on? Monitoring, like, the meta level big picture stuff. Like, oh, he's not really getting along with this person. I wonder, rather than being like, the answer's wrong, dumbass. Here's a red mark, you suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Those kids freaked me out in high school. The kids that were in the AP classes. I knew kids that were in only AP classes and I was like, what are those dudes?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's their deal? It was fun. Seems cool. It was fun. It was a different world. It was a different world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Then you can sit there and facilitate and kind of like, hey, yeah, yeah, I'll sharpen your pencil.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I remember those kids, there was like dudes in my school that had like 4.2 GPA's and I always was just mystified by being like, dude, what are you up to? What's the fucking, what's the angle?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Instead of being like, yea, I heard about Greece once and you're like, didn't really think about it, no one really explained it to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, I remember, I thought it was mostly like C student, but yeah, I could be wrong. I mean, that's, you had the dumbest kids become teachers. That does make sense, though. Because then you finally are like, yo, I'm in trouble, I got this. Yeah, I got the answers. I got the fucking answers. I am the captain now. I got this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're addicted to gambling and all those fucking proofs. Yea, I was getting paid in geometry. That's pretty cool. Yea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Calc 2. Yeaah. Yeaah. You fucked me up. I did actually pretty well on Calc 2 actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would go X over the S over D. I remembered Scooby Doo and I didn't know which of the fucking lines were supply or demand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I always, it's funny because I know guys who would be kind of like, uh, there was always like an insecurity about not going to college and I'd always be like, you don't understand, like, it's such a fucking scam. It was fucked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, for the majority of people, I was up there like, yo, this is gonna be so fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I must have stunk when you confronted your absolute limits. Dude, it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you'd be the lead engineer on the project. Yeah, that sucks, man. That's, you know, I've never, luckily I never applied myself that hard, so like my, my like possibilities were always like, I've never reached them, I'm always like, dude, it just goes on forever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've fucked stuff up majorly and it's been like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but no I've never- You're saying you knew you fucked up from the beginning. I've realized it somewhere between doing something and just went There's a lot of other guys around here I don't know why I have to take all the heat for this and I'll just be like let's leave it up to mystery and I just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The short period I had in office is I do remember people like everyone being like, alright you guys are fucking nuts. It was just like looked at as like a sub.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but dude, if I, if I was like in the executive level of some like weird office building, like company type place, I'd want some freaks in a dungeon dude. Like I would want freaks. I'm telling you dude, I'm telling you dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was probably, it was probably passionate as hell. Like a, like a, uh. God, that's terrible, man. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he, he was going in, this was a, it was a beautiful mommy dude. And he's just going to like, and like there's two dudes working with her, just kind of like cool. And then the lady, I was waiting and the lady was like, oh, she's like, thank you, that's so nice. She's like, can I help you? And I had just be like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, he was, he sounded like supremely confident.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, she was very nice, she smiled, she's like, that is so sweet, thank you so much. And there was like a weird pregnant pause and she goes, can I help you? I said, yes. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He gracefully, he walked out. Well no, I think he said, if I remember correctly, he said, yea, I guess I'm gonna have to deal with these guys if you're not, he was pointing to her two male co-workers, he goes, yea, if you're not here, I gotta deal with these two guys, and it was like some weird thing that they both ignored, then he just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah boy. Yes. We did it. Absolutely. I'm, I'm so, dude, my energy's gonna come back next week. I'm on no sleep right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you just feel like unbelievably tight everyday you wake up? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, then I went to Tampa and this dude, this rich dude started, gave me a wad of cash to throw at these fucking broads, then he lied and said it was my bachelor party.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, I think we're rockin', I think we're rockin' and rollin'. Oh shit. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that was all recorded.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I quickly depleted myself as a sort of abusing coffee, so, but, dude, magnesium's the shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was. It's just the way you think about it. No, dude, I'm telling you my body can only take so much. Alright. Pulse. But my body, I won't be able to sleep. Like if I, yeah, so, yeah, I'm a big magnesium guy. Right before I go to bed, pass out, you have cool dreams. Pretty tight. Alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a thing like the scanner, they go through the airport, there's like... Scream it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, Biden, Biden, I think Biden repealed himself. Biden was against him. Trump said it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I didn't know they control your undies too. What the fuck? You can't bring your old fucking, your own boxers? No.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully Patton gets in there dude, he made his own underwear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Y'all, dude, I, yeah. Did you ever try to wear white underwear recently?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I tried it in college. I was like, yeah, I'll be fine. My roommate was like, bro, have you worn them for a while? I was like, yeah, it's no big deal. It's insane. Dude, at the end of the day, I checked them. I'd inspect them. I'd lay them on the bed and go, Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's crazy. Did not pass inspection.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also a good war tactic too though. Just be like, yo Japan, I don't know if you know this, we're winning, and like FUCK!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Got to be tall man, dude. True. Finally the tall man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well dude, remember that was one of the, uh, initial side effects of COVID? Like early on they were saying it was turning Chinese people black.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What's up dude? Yeaah. There's a distinctive look. Yeaah. The most powerful man walking around. Yeaah. He's the most powerful man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The doctor was like, bro, you can't podcast. I said, watch me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's like, you can't take two weeks off as a doctor. Get the fucking smoke from Canada.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was checking the air quality all the time. I was like, we'll be back in about a couple days.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I was talking to a guy from Afghanistan, uh, yesterday, my Uber driver, which, dude, that's nothing better than a 30 minute drive with a guy from Afghanistan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But he was saying he went to Pakistan. He was laying out all the places for me. He goes, Pakistan?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No good is like too many flies and it smells. He said they burn the trash. He said they take the fucking trash out weekly and everyone just burns their trash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, why do you think that is though? Dude, they just go off. It's so fun. It's a good time having those guys just fully go off. My wife is housewife. My wife, my attitude. The divorce rate in Afghanistan, guess what it is? Less than 1%.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, true. You can also take multiple wives. He was breaking down the multiple wives thing, how it works. You gotta get separate quarters. You gotta get them their own spot. He's like, you are allowed to do it, but it's more of a process.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohhh. Didn't they crack down on that guy? Didn't he get like, in trouble or something? No. That made me think of someone else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, we just kind of sit there for like 20 minutes. We're gonna talk to each other, ignore what's going on. Alright, let's go get drunk. Yeah, we gotta hurry up and get fucked up. Let's go. Let's go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. No, that was a gift. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Civil War generals. I got a sick, I told you I have a sick picture for you. I'm waiting. Alright. I'm waiting. I don't want to burn you with more stuff. I have a lot of stuff. But dude, it's a very, I don't know, I'm curious how you're going to like it. It's very, it's very primal. It's a great work of art. Yeah, it's a very primal work of art.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, dude, I told you my YouTube hole I went into. There's a YouTube hole where black dudes are like reviewing gas station boner bills. It's so funny.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean that's, that's, isn't that, I mean a sex shop is, and gas stations are pretty. Yea. Pretty close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, they're highly reviewed. I've seen guys reviewing them up, just being like, bro, I fucking... It's always... Fucking dunked on her, dude, it's so...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, the doctor told me I couldn't take him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the worm came from Russia. I think that was a Russian invention. Look up the originator of the worm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what's funny? I was looking up suicide statistics and suicide dipped big time in the 80s and the early 90s. Now it's back on the rise. The worm might have taken the suicide rates down, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that makes me, there's nothing that makes me more nervous. Trying to think about rap battling makes me, it's like, that's the most intense, that's the most intense environment possible for performance.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get your nicotine fixed without having to step away from the party with Lucy. Whether you're a gum man.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Give Lucy Breaker pouches a try. There you go. These suckers contain a liquid capsule to moisten the pouch and get you your nicotine faster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] .co and use promo code drenched to get 20% off your first order. Shipping is always free. That's L U C Y .co


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Permacode drenched to receive 20% off and always free shipping. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is in fact an addictive chemical.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Deep sleep is responsible for most of your bodies daily rejuvenation and repair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not getting enough deep sleep can make you struggle with craving, slow metabolism, premature aging, or worse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] GABA, which encourages relaxation on the cellular level, is critical for sleep.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there's like all different types of magnesium and they have like seven different types. Do they sleep? The what?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But yea, magnesium breakthrough is a nice thing. Some people take magnesium once and they take, I believe, magnesium citrate, which just helps you, it makes you shit, it's like a laxative.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But the real stuff crosses the blood brain barrier. They have it in there. It's pretty sick. Magnesium Breakthrough is the best supplement out there. It provides you with seven forms of magnesium designed to help you calm your mind and help you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up refreshed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Folks with magnesium deficiency usually have higher anxiety and stress levels, which negatively impacts sleep. Over 80% of the population is magnesium deficient, so that probably includes you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Visit MagBreakthrough.com slash MSSecretPod and use code Drenched for 10% off your first purchase.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are always amazing gifts with purchase. That's also why I love shopping with bi-optimizers. Go now to magbreakthrough.com slash mssecretpod and use code drenched to get 10% off your Magnesium Breakthrough and this month's gift.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take it before you go to bed tonight and just see. Take two capsules, hit the sack. Okay. I like it. What if I have scary nightmares?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know. We'll see. I had a dream. I had a magnesium dream about, uh, Chet Hanks had stolen the cast and was bringing it to Jamaica in Pat, Jamaica in Patois and I'm watching with that motherfucker stole our pie. But then it was, he was delivering it. It was so fucking funny and he was accusing us of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, yeaah, that was, I woke up and it was like Chet Hanks was translating the podcast into Padswap and I was like damn, it was so nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Unlike anything else. Okay, what was her name? I forget. Serenade? Serenade. And uh. STK? Whatever the girl's initials were. Yea, she was like TSK or something. Yea, she was a beast. She's kinda nice compared to Serenade. Serenade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was like a hot crazy lady confronting reality. That's all it was. That was tough. You're a hot crazy lady.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got fucking shot for you. That's also a testament. A lot of women will say like, I'd die for you. It's like, well, would you?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I just think they're just like, whatever. Like, do you ever play, uh, cards against humanity with women? They do a lot of suicide jokes and shit. I think


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Didn't Cassidy lose all this stuff because he like botched a murder against a guy and then...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's nice. There was a dude from Philly who was on the run for a while, got killed. There was a dude who was on the run for murder and he just got murdered and now they're like, now he's like famous. They're like, oh, he was the best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I saw a Vice documentary about just an abandoned building and like, it was the stupidest, they were talking about, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] St. Louis, and they're like, it's the most abandoned city, this is so fucked up, and they were just in an abandoned building, like, can you pl-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So there's a fucking abandoned building. It was an abandoned school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think Vice just gives people, I think, I've heard they could give you like a little programming, like a Bible basically, for like, this is how you shoot a documentary, and they're just like, yea, go for it. I could be totally wrong. I think they started to send...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think they have like a pretty bare bones thing where again, I heard this from someone who was like, yeah, eventually they just like, or if you work for them, they just give you a little book. Like this is how you shoot documentaries. Here's your gear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They were. They had the magazine too. The magazine was a big deal. It was like a cool magazine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, the guy was skateboarding inside the school. He's like, I brought my skateboard. I'm gonna try to skate in here. And he just fucking fell. I was like, what the fuck is this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's also sick to watch a movie like, a trailer like, my new favorite movie by far.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well Handmaiden's Tale was kind of a weird girl, psychological porn where they're like, they're being controlled and like, religious male authority figures were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? Well dude, there's, there's a, there was recently, there was a plane flew over Washington DC and like, jets had to go like, follow it to see what the fuck they were doing. And on like smaller, I think like private jets a lot of the times, on smaller flights, something like a view,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Reach altitude too high. Everyone fucking passes out or dies. And there's just a ghost plane flying on autopilots around the city. That makes sense. It'll like bring it down.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, like you get private flights where everyone on board just dies instantly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They hijacked it and just landed it and like, this is ours now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well he, they already, they sealed it, he was busted as a pedophile and they sealed it, the whole court record was sealed somehow, like yeaah, this is, there's a law where like, if you're like a super rich pedophile, we can seal the whole thing, and like no one can ever look into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, that was, that was bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, he had a stroke, didn't he? Wasn't he in the center and had a stroke?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's playing pickleball. Yeah. Well, there was just so much conflicting information on it. She was like, he's all good. He's playing pickleball. Yeah, but why wouldn't she? But then it was like he had another shrug. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A dude, a dude came out for Jamie, it was like some white dude was like, I know it firsthand, he got it, and now he's fucked up. And they were like, fuck you, dude. But it's like, who knows, he could just be trying to. That's what happened with the dude from The Bills. What?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I think it happened, it originated in the lab, they covered it up to save like the government's self, whatever. And then all of a sudden it was the big farmer companies were like, hold on, hold on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Myocarditis apparently is a big- I've talked to a lot of people who say their cardio is fucked up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've, I've only gotten through like, uh, 30 seconds of a tutorial how to properly save someone using CPR.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was like, isn't, there's no. There's that white African, South African dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, we got it in, uh, Cincy. You left it there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be fair about the worm, the first person I remember seeing doing it was Scotty Touhadi in the-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's O Block. O Block. Yeah, they're around the same time, Chief. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you noticed that. No, no. It's okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The only, uh, like, like prejudice that I have towards Adderall, I'm just like, man, if I take that, I think I'd be pretty sick at Tetris.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta find a time machine and get out of there immediately. Yea, he takes the white towel off his waist and puts it on his shoulder. Oh. Coming at you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I think that and coke are probably no-no's for me. They seem like they would just encourage everything I think about myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's also a little effeminate, like he's like getting off on having a secret. True. Acting tipsy like a slut.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You would mix it up with the, with the fucking worker, the employees though. I did, I had to. I had to. Yea. But you weren't that dude on the job site? They weren't like- I'm owner's son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your dad, wasn't your dad a first generation though? Didn't he show up every day?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, my dad, that's singular for a lot. Yeah, my dad's dad was one of those. Absolute criminal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I spent a little bit of time waking up every morning and reading from the Diamond Sutra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Itch, yeaah. It's like the language they're using to explain shit, it's like that was too complicated. Just say don't be a pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One dude's name is like nine pages long. It was insane. Yeah, the diamond sutra is basically like a manuscript on how to do Buddhism.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they have a bunch of different people's versions of these, so the Diamond Sutra is like the most popular one. I think, right?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. They have an all-in-one. The butt pussy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm listening to this book right now about the other side of history. It just talks about, like, the people, rather than, like, all of the kings and queens and, uh, fucking war leaders and stuff. And, uh, Herodotus, everything we know about Persia comes from Herodotus, and he loved the Persians so much that back home in Greece, they called him Barbo-Phyllos, which meant Barbarian fucker.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I- and the Persians were the barbarians, so they- that was like the first racial slur. They call him a barbarian fucker? Well, a barbarian lover.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like, the slang was that he's a Burmese. He loves the Persians so much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's basically what the book is. It's like, you know how in history it makes it seem like everybody was like super into religion? Like as a regular person, you were probably like, eh, whatever. That's the whole, so far that's all it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well again, as far as growing up Persian, it was Herodotus. Now I'm on to Roman life. So like, uh, the sources are like, um,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So again, so the sources that he's starting off with now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean every time like and it'll be like a little slice of the bros It's like yeah, they were just kind of kicking it, you know, but again, so Alexander the great though, you know exactly. Yeah


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every time it's like, well you probably drank a lot, you couldn't read, uh, you were probably conscripted into military service and hated it, you probably tried to dodge it and you were murdered. And it's just like, it's a version of that for every single group of people that he's talking about right now. Yeah. I don't buy it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, it is. So, so like he's been spending most of this chapter talking about how, um, Julius Caesar, how Pompeii was like, dude, you have to give up your military service. And Julius Caesar was like, nah. And he just came over and fucked him up and took over with 5,000 troops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He does keep making a point to be like, well keep in mind back then there was no such thing as human rights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was instantly thought I would go Adam Sandler from Big Daddy. Which one was that? What did he do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is the one where he had, he somehow had a little kid that wasn't his? Yea, what did he wear? He, he wore a cape.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn. Man, you should check the other side. You're probably like wearing away your shirts.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You think you could be the one from the reality house that wears the dick shirt and goes to the grocery store to pick everybody up some Hungry Man dinners and come back?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yo, a lot of poppies walk around cupping while wearing pants. One hand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might start making TikTok videos where I'm and one mix shaving my balls.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can, I can still grab the rim with both hands jumping, but I don't, I can't get much above the, cause I'm jumping off of two feet now. I used to be a one foot jumper, but I don't, I don't, yea, as a post 40 year old, I don't trust that shit no more. Really? A one footer? Yea, I don't know if I, I don't know. It seems scary. Yea. So I'm trying, I'm converting to a whole different type of jumper. We'll see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yea man, because like, you know, you ever- You're transing? I've never, I've never been a type of person to like walk around looking at strangers wondering if I could like, beat them in a fight. But I would like, wonder, like, see strangers like, man, can I dunk on him?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might have to, well, we'll find out at the end of the summer whether or not I have to change my, uh, way that I approach strangers in the street. Why?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would hate to have to start apologizing to people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's not always, you can't always, you can't dunk on everybody. Because some people have like long limbs and shit. So you have to figure out how to get to the rim with them still close enough to you, so that when you dunk, it looks like it was on them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I mean like almost no rim is regulation. They're always like a little bit under 10 feet. But yea, it was like, it was at my college. I dunked on the same person twice. The one time he was on my team and- Whoops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. Of the other, and I, and I caught it, but it was like so perfect. Yeah. I would never get this opportunity again. For sure. And I just fucking dunked it two hands.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, we did, my team did get so hyped off the dunk, we ended up winning the game. It's nasty as fuck. Yea, it was, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Captain of industry. This is that, this is that Lafayette. He was a pretty, uh, pretty astute student. Nice. He had done something, uh, fucking try hard. It's pretty tight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I also had, so my, so my other, my third big basketball thing where like a whole crowd of people went nuts was on my, uh, my college roommate. I crossed him up and he fell. That's the best. Yeah, that's pretty sick. That's pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, dude, you wouldn't talk about an asterisk. I wasn't even trying to cross him up. He was just running backwards and when I switched directions he fell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wasn't even looking at him. Every now and again when we hook up and talk to each other and stuff, he still brings it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a conflict there, I don't know much about it at all. They were crushing the Muslims.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The pylon, the pylonidial niddle sinus is a small hole or tunnel in the skin and it usually develops in the area where the buttocks divide.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it might be the, the, the little butthole you have above your main butthole. Hold on, we need to take a break.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, please. Hey, welcome, Matt's in Texas.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was Chido Verin, Luis J Gomez, an all-Hispanic episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got there and all I knew was, uh, Mexican accent. They speak not even close. It's like going to Australia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can't do it. You don't think so? No, I mean, I think you, legally you probably can, but. No, I think I legally can. I think if he's smart, he should just run away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like mad when I saw you. I like fat Louis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude after the first check, after the first check, that's 10 grand for a weekend.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're like, you're like, oh. It's all the same.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like, I like comparing it though to like doing a fight in Panama.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now that my dad, now my dad will ask me, I'll be like, I'll go see my dad. I'll be like, you wanna know how much they fucking paid me on this one? I'll buy your house right now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt like a child. I thought, yeah, but you guys know fucking jujitsu. No, not really.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, I tried, I've talked about it before, but after a podcast I was all fucked up and I started like pushing Rogan. Like just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But we just got done and I was, I was obviously, I knew Rogan was gonna kill me. I wasn't like, I have a chance here. But I started like run blocking like offensive line football. I was like, you can't do shit. My arms are too long. I was like pushing him. And then he, he just pushed my arms out of the way. Choked me in two seconds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I was hammered, I was hammered, so he had me in an arm bar and I was like, this is nothing you pussy, I'll never, I'll never tap you fucking bitch. And then he really cranked it and I'm still hurt. He fucked my shoulder up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's funny how much like Ari doesn't know about like a fight. Like we'll be in the, we'll be talking, it'll be me, Ari and Norman and he'll be like, do you think we could take Joe? It's like no dude. We have no shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mean all three of you together? Yea. Ari and Norman?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that was actually the worst look for Connor. It's crazy. Connor is truly uncancellable. The amount of things that like... Not just hitting the old guy, but the old guy swallowing the punch. And just being like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it came out later. She was sitting with him at it. She was like still around. Like it was, it was clear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it does suck. When he made it and everything. Like now, now he's a money fight. Obviously he's a... So people are just like, fuck you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Constantly trying to fucking goad him into it. Yeaah. And he's fucked up, he's doing blow and shit. Well he's so famous that he like... He's getting on Twitter, he's like, ah Joe ya dick ya. Joe! That was my favorite, you ever listen to his fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has a voice and he was watching the, he was watching the Khabib fight. Obviously, I don't say obviously, but it sounded like he was probably doing below watching his Khabib fight and he was making fun of Rogan for being like, that's an illegal head strike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did it once this year. So that's pretty good. When I first got to New York, I was like, what, you or me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Waterboy, I saw Waterboy five times in theater.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I saw it five times. I would go to the movies. You find me, that's why. Like every day for... Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We'll take mushrooms and I'll just not talk. I'll just sit there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll sit there for like two hours just not talking. And then they'll be like, what's going on? I'll be like, dude, I can't do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was touching him. Where's Diego from? Uh, Florida. No, what's his? Oh, uh, Colombian. He's Colombian.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got that right. Right? Wasn't that right? Pelle Roja. Pelle Roja. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You look like a ginger Cheeto. You got a little Cheeto in there. Yeah, I see.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was a wrestler. Yeaah, he can wrestle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When that fucking nicotine craving hits, you're gonna wanna deal with it right away. Whether you're in a restaurant flying in the friendly skies, or at church with your grandma, Lucy Breakers lets you get your fix whenever and wherever you are.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Easy. Each pouch has a small flavor capsule inside that fucking breaks and moistens your mouth. Oh yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And punch it up, and it punches up the flavor like with flavors like mint, berry, citrus, and mango. Personal favorite, I'm a bit of a mango man myself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Choose your preferred nicotine strength and your favorite flavor to make the perfect combination. Also, love having some nicotine pouches on the flight. People don't like when you smoke on a plane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

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[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Lucy products are for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. So let me think about it, youngsters. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive fucking chemical, so don't play around with it. Hey guys!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's talk about Manscaped. If you're thinking of skipping this ad because you already have a gross trimmer that you used since college, just listen. We're talking about your balls. To the gremlins.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're talking about your balls. You can just use whatever has been wrestling away in your shower for years. It's time to grow up and shave with Manscaped. It's time to grow up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their Platinum Package 4.0 has everything you need to get grooming. It comes with the Lawn Mower 4.0 Trimmer. Comes with the Weed Wacker 2.0.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For ear and nose hair grooming. Crop Reviver Ball Toner and their ultra premium line of body products including deodorant and body wash. You stinky fuck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Personal endorsement, talk about shaving pubes. I, I need a good trim.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Lawn Mower Trimmer is a total game changer. It has a 7,000 RPM motor. That's fucking crazy. A spotlight so you can see what you're up to. And it's totally waterproof.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So get 20% off in free shipping with code drenched at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com. And use code drenched.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Use the platinum package because the gold standard is no longer good enough. Whatever the fuck that means.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just because summer's coming to an end doesn't mean you have to stop showing off that beach bod. True Classics Fall Essentials will keep you warm while still highlighting your assets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their t-shirts are made with a tighter fit in the arms and shoulders and a looser fit in the gut for a streamlined look. Just for the listener, this is odd. Me and Josh have never met each other and he's in my living room watching me read an ad about fucking t-shirts. Personal endorsement, I love the gear, dude. You ever have a true classic tee, Josh? Alright, that's alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's true, that's code drenched to five at trueclassictees.com for 25% off this fall. Step into a world of style and comfort with true classic. All right. That's something you should consider, Josh. Let's get back to the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's hot dude. A hot goth chick? Yeah, but the thing with me with the music is like, I can't take myself seriously. It's like if I'm fucking the music, I'm like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yea, but I don't take myself seriously. Like I can't be like, I can't get into it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's funny though, I would like it a little. I don't mind a laugh during it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Little dick, you gotta, I mean, football, you gotta get in the shower with the whole team. You better be funny. If you're taking yourself seriously with a small dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's it. Yea, but a mirror, a mirror while I'm fuckin' looks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We did that, we did that on this podcast where if you make your friend genuinely try to sing as the best they can, it's hilarious. It's impossible. Try to sing. Me? Yea, please. You want me to try to sing right now? Sing any song the best you can.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it can't be like, it can't be like- No, I'm not gonna fake it. No, I know, but I'm saying it can't be like, you can't pick like, Johnny Cash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was, dude, I was just watching the, I know it wasn't no holds barred at the, like, uh, I watched the one where the dude was just.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. Hell yea. I think we're fucking, we're good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Gucci. Oh, we're only at 57? Alright, keep it going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta, yeah, this is great. So what's going on, man? How's, how's it feel though, like, when did they announce this?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it was in the. I mean, I'm just guessing. It was in the apex. So like you can hear the elbows and it's like, Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Are you gonna hit the who let the dogs out?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He has to show his dick on his show. If he, but you get another shot. One more shot. You get another call.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, hard rules. That's right. I don't take it. Okay. I have though, and it's uh, it's great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm not fasting and running 13 fucking miles.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta follow it. Follow the trail to try to find it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nothing, really. I just grew up on a farm alone. I love fishing. You catch the fucking thing, you gotta rip the hook out of its stomach. I went to fishing once.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I meant the word. I said tiburonito. Is it? What's the short?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I struggled with fucking putting the night crawlers on the hook. Really? You ever get a big ass worm?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, they like, they know what's up. They're trying hard as fuck to get away from that. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was at his parents house, it was over COVID I think, and something kept eating the food in the garden. So he set up a trap, and he caught a possum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then he was like, I gotta kill this fuckin' possum. Dude, the possum's like, it's crazy. I killed a thousand of those in my garden. They feel like homicide. He took the possum, he was, he didn't know how to kill it, so he just took the cage and dipped it in a rain barrel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, when I was growing up there was a, at our bus stop in the morning there was a wreck, uh, a possum we all just thought was dead. So it was laying, it was curled like that. A fucking cop showed up and shot it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The hiss. It's fun. You ever watch people try to feed pop- er, uh, a great video of this gay dude trying to feed a raccoon? He walks outside, there's 30 raccoons. So he comes out with food and he's like, hey!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He runs, yeaah. Anyway, we should go. We should wrap this up. Cheeto, you're the fucking man. Thank you bro. Lewis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you. I forgot how good at interviewing you were. You do this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fine, I will. Don't tell my life insurance lady. Alright, goodbye, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it's probably there. Where was it located? It was out front left. That's where you were catching the smell. Front left though. Yeah. I've been catching it. I have been catching on this side of the house. Which is nice.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hopefully, yea, but it must have been dying. It must have been dying for like a month in there. And then went out front to die. Finally, I don't know. He did the right thing, yea. He did the honorable thing. Where did she put this thing?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hunted this dog. No, I kidnapped this. I took it out of someone's backyard. That's one of my things. You could bow hunt fucking golden retrievers in people's backyards. All day, dude. That'd be pretty sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had to do that, I had to do that with Naeem. Naeem Ali was like, in Philadelphia, he was like, I was driving and I saw a dead, a wolf on the side of the road. And I was like Naeem.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, please don't make me argue with you. I argued with him. We were on a road trip. I argued with him for two hours. I was like, there's no wolf. There's no wolves in Philadelphia. There's no wolves anywhere near that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean if one of them got out and got on the highway and got hit and no one collected and somebody hit a wolf and a wolf was dead on the side of the highway.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that's easy. I can see how that, yeah, if I, if I saw it, I would, if somebody didn't tell me a dog washed up, I'd be like, that was a chupacabra.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing Naeem, Naeem had a good point though. What? Cause when he was, he was like, I saw that, I saw a fucking, uh, a mountain lion. Or like a cougar or whatever. And then he was


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I'm not gonna give him the tracks. I remember vehemently arguing that I did see Santa Claus when I was about his age when he saw the Mountain Lion's tracks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if I didn't know now, like if somehow there was like a news report that they were like, Santa was in the area. I'd be like, I did see it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was in Arizona, we were afraid of the javelinas, the pigs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta get her to give something up when she goes. Do you buy? Yea. Bickering with me? Bickering. True. She should post in a full hijab just. True. I'm done bickering.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it is an interesting place for black Instagram to be like, this is the place, the Middle East. It's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You just have, yeah, just an Atlantic city experience. Yeah, you could do that now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. They're gonna need to pull out some pretty serious stops this time. This is gonna be, yeaah. The dems are gonna have to pull something out.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. Yeah, not at all. But they are gonna have to do something. They're gonna put up like a desperate Hail Mary.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Biden, Biden hits that, Biden hits that we're not doing this today. He just walked, he just literally stops, he walks away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You do a case a month? The family meeting was obviously not real. No, it wasn't real. But if it was real, yea, it's funny to imagine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like when he does try to answer questions. And then his staff has to come and be like, yo. Cause he'll go for it. If somebody asks him a question, he usually tries. He'll try. He does his best.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I didn't know Jill was the nanny. Jill was a nanny? His nanny that was in his car when the wife died? I get it, I don't know. What? I got that, that's not a good source. True. That's war mode. You said their nanny died with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been hanging out with Billions for the last couple of days. I got hit with a lot of fucking things. The nanny, or, Jill was the nanny to his original marriage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause it's reached the actual, it's reached the dads and uncles. It has. My dad and they'll be like, you mean.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, when you're stuffing your face with Christmas cookies, you wanna be wearing the right clothes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] True Classic has you covered with ultra comfortable, ultra comfortable, perfect fitting essentials that are going to look and feel amazing no matter how many times you go back for seconds. You know me, True Classics. For starters, True Classics has totally re-engineered the t-shirt. Imagine that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just when you thought the t-shirt couldn't get any better, they fucking re-engineered it. It's tighter around the arms, thank god. Chest and shoulders, I like to show off my titties.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But, looser in the torso, you're gonna wanna be wearing this to every holiday party. Matt, you look so fucking strong. Disarsity.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fuck that business. Throw a hoodie or a crew neck on top for the colder days or class things up with their brand new sweaters that feel just like cashmere without the cashmere price tag.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Throw- oh shit. Whatever you choose, you can't go wrong with true classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, this is the perfect gift for you, but also a gift for her. What? She's gonna love it. So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now with my exclusive link at trueclassictees.com for her slash drenched and save up to 60% off site wide during the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] November holiday sale and November holiday sales slash end of the year with holiday cheer. Jesus Christ.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Fire him. End of the year. Fire the writer. End the year with holiday cheer. Thanks to True Classic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, it's so nice. You're gonna wanna check that out. Big time!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The greatest gift you can give your loved ones this Christmas is to shave your balls. Nobody's going to do it for you. It's time to take control of your life with Manscaped.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their new performance package 5.0 includes the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra Body Trimmer, the Weed Wacker 2.0 Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer, their Crop Soother Aftershave Lotion, and Crop Preserver Ball Deodorant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, how the fuck are you supposed to be able to read these random fucking gibberish words? Personal endorsement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, personal endorsement, I will tell you about it. I like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Matt! Matt? The Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra does all the heavy lifting with two next gen blade heads. It's even waterproof so you can knock out your shaving routine while you're in the shower.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get 20% off and free shipping with code drenched at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code drenched. For real, Manscaped does actually rule. Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh no. Yes, let's read it. This is, alright, for the record, this is their fucking choice. I've never read this in my life. I'll read my lines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When you're in your playpen rummaging through your toy chest and you need something wholesome to squeal on, look no further than the o- What the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look no further than the Aura digital frame. Load it full of your favorite photos and it even plays videos as well. I've already uploaded all my favorite pics to Aura frame this holiday season. Pics of me and my bae living salt life automatic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh man. Pics of my flatulent family, Fart McGuire and Slammin' series to Sarasota, automatic. Pics of the Irish Impact stuffing Penn State, automatic. These guys are good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if it's not personal enough, you can even gift the RFD, that's why you read that, to an RFRAME to loved ones and upload a video message in play as soon as the frame is plugged in so the first thing you hear is your voice and how much you love them.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com slash MSSP.


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[Assistant] That's A U R A frames dot com slash MSSP. Use promo code MSSP to get thirty dollars off their best selling frames. Terms and conditions apply. Dan, the guys from Aura just trashed baby Billy. Caught him good. Caught baby Billy and my sisters, my flatulent fucking sisters. Billy's gonna sue me, dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They, when I moved out, I left a couple aura frames.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I do set my iPhone up, just have it on pictures of my dick occasionally pop up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mexican Jehovah's Witnesses came by and they saw the Oros and they were like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean I like that you did have LA people there that had to be like, they're famous, I have to listen to what they're saying.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, those are fun. That's a powerful couple. That's, by the way, it's, it's the


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ingraciating yourself with the freaks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And seeing her at the party. She was running too early. She was four years too early. She was four years too early. I think now. Next run, there's gonna be, like we said, there's more of that trickle down. MAGA, it's hitting everybody.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, she's... She's gonna have some support. People are gonna be very confused.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll say this, I don't even like when I'm playing an online video game and somebody puts their character and address.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If I'm playing Call of Duty and somebody's dressed not like a soldier, I'm like, fuck this game. So now we got a whole, alright, whatever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I also, I like the idea of keeping, cause I know we always blame like Russian China for all of our, everything, every, all of our cultural problems. Like those are Russian bots producing BLM. Yeah. I bet Russian China is sitting back and watching America like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When we invaded, well not invaded, when we helped support Ukraine, they must have been like, what? And then with Gaza and Israel, they're like, what side are they going to be on? Just everything we do, they must be like, Kanye, I mean, they must have got reports of Kanye on Alex Jones.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It must have started funny. Yeaah. Like the first couple of years they must have been like, America, this is funny. And then now every day it's gotta just be like, dude, what? Imagine being in Afghanistan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. Genius. Just taking it, yeaah, making a guy join the swim team at Penn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is this guy doing? I think it was from Family Guy. Oh really? Yeah, there's a Family Guy sketch where they're like, that's a fat guy with a tuba. Or a guy following a fat guy with a tuba. And then a guy saw that and was like, well, there's my career. I'm going to do that. I'm going to bother these people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean, getting home and uploading that must feel so good. It's probably like, wait till you guys fucking see what I did today. They'll throw an ad on it eventually. Brought you by Morgan & Morgan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's like kind of where it started, like the freaks out front of like the Chinese theater in L.A. The type, like the naked cowboy. Right. That used to be something we all sat back and went, look at that fucking weirdo. Right. Now everyone's that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That is, reality TV is where it definitely started. Cause I remember when reality TV started, every single family, if you ever went to visit somebody's house, they'd be like, we could be a TV show. Our family is so fucked. We should be a TV show. And then they gave us all cameras, and now everyone is a TV show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all it meant. We're terrible people and our youngest brother quotes Anchorman. Yeah, that's all it is. It's hilarious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was great and I'd watch him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I would pay to watch Lewis's day. Yeah, he's awesome. He's great at that. I'd love to see it. Then there's the Jamaican episodes where he goes to Jamaica.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I'd be terrible, I wouldn't be that good. I would be, it would be unbelievable. Yea, I'd be quiet. I would just be red and just be like. Who else would be good? Lewis is, Lewis is probably my number one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I enjoy it. Anytime Louis gets into Twitter beef, I'm there. I'm watching. He's built for it. The best is when early gas digital.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would be the fucking- It would be the best. I mean think of it, think of them turning it on more for the cameras. Oh. It's already crazy. Yeaah. If you threw some cameras in there, people would, yeaah. Yeaah. There was actually, they did a boxing match this week between, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Another one? Yeah. Yeah. Dylan and Crackamico box. Oh, they did the rematch. And there's a clip I saw on Twitter where Lewis just forgets he's the ref and just is watching.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The echo off the tile walls, him screaming at a dog makes me laugh so hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you go over to Matt's house, he'll show you that his dog's blind. It's a good trick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good guy. I think that's an episode.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dude, thank you. That was awesome. So fucking funny. Jesus Christ, man. Kill me. We're gonna do a Patreon episode. You're welcome to stay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ohio resident or whatever. True Ohio resident. Yeah. Ohio card revoked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, DVDs. DVDs, family pictures, smoke alarms, remote controls. Oh, you like fucked their house up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can't tell if he's fucking around. No, I'm not fucking around. One time we, uh, caught and we put it all in a big black garbage bag and like threw it onto their lawn and drove. Back on their lawns? Classic wafts dude, we gotta get rid of this body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Morgan & Morgan has been footing for the people for over 35 years. Chatting up with sweet baby girls is hard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tons of people are going to be traveling on the road this holiday season and you need to be careful if you're traveling. If you find yourself in some kind of crazy freak accident this Christmas, turn to Morgan & Morgan. They're America's largest injury law firm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers ready to fight for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've recovered over 15 billion dollars for over 300,000 clients.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they have a great track record of getting people the compensation they deserve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Or pound law, pound 529 from your cellular phone. This is a paid advertisement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] RMX digital picture frames that will replace her old photo albums. You can curate your own photo playlist and even add videos that get shown in super high quality. Invite others to share their own photos to the frame too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I say, Mom, it's me, Matt. I send her videos like this. I say, Mom, it's me, Matt. Kiss me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's just, there's just that all down the hallways and I have one where I just fall over with my eyes like a haunted house.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They make great gifts for your parents, siblings, or friends. Set them up with a personalized photo playlist, and wait for the Warworks!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com slash MSSP. That's AuraFrames.com slash MSSP. Use promo code MSSP to get $30 off their best selling frames. Get yours now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it arrives in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Also, we'll see if it arrives for the holidays, but alright.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everything is ridiculously comfortable, fits perfectly, and honestly, I look great. They're lightweight purple jackets. Dude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Their lightweight puffer jackets are amazing, and will definitely have you ready for the wintertime.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Water resistant with a great fit. It is a definite staple in my wardrobe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Pair the puffer jacket with true classics comfort jeans and you'll be all set.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They've got the classic look of regular jeans, but more to the mix section.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But mold to the midsection with a four-way stretch so you won't have to unbutton them to sit down on the couch. The four-way stretch being your penis, your buttocks, and your hips.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love them personally, I wear their clothes all the time, they make my fucking chest look jacked as hell. Stock up on their goodies, t-shirts, and button-ups too, so True Classic can carry you through every season. Men, this is the perfect gift for you, but also a gift for her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now with our exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash drenched and save up to 20 for up, 25% off in first order.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] End the year with holiday cheer, thanks to True Classic. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Manscaped has you covered with the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra. It comes with the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra for trimming the body and below the belt, meaning your penis.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The Weed Whacker 2.0 Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer and everything else you'll need to make those crown jewels look, look, feel and smell amazing.


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[Assistant] Performance package also comes with some comfy boxers to level up your underwear game and a classy travel bag to store your stuff.


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[Assistant] When you're done shopping for yourself, stock up on extras for Christmas gifts. Your loved ones and your wallet will thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Get 20% off of free shipping with the code drenched at manscaped.com. That's 20% off of the free shipping at


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's 200mg of caffeine per can. How many do you have? That's not too crazy. Five? Five is crazy. I just met one. Celcius Heat has 350mg of caffeine.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Um, if you guys would like, could you please come to Tampa in St. Pete? Get in front of the camera. Yea man, we do this every time. Me and LaMare will be at the Sunshine Comedy Festival on January 12th.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 12th and 13th. If you use our names when you check out, it gives you a discount.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Cap City Comedy Club on January 24th, Wednesday. I'm very excited for that. If you can come to that, I'd be elated. It's your first time headlining down Texas Way. My first time headlining down Texas Way. And then the new one is Helium Philly on April 10th. Whoa. I'm very excited. Back to the motherland. Back to my home, my old stomping grounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm excited. If you'd like to join me, I'd appreciate it if you can. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's good. Oh yeah. Dude. Yeah. Good to see you guys. Thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, thanks for having me, man. Happy to be here today, dude. Yeah, I was just thinking about something earlier. Like what? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We can talk about having fucking diarrhea. Oh, you guys are on it? Yeah. But are y'all dipping also? No, I believe he is. Yeah, I dip. Oh, I think that kind of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is plant-based, that is. True, but you're not eating it. But I'm spitting it out. Oh, you're spitting it out. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I've done the car. I had one time I had a podcast. I was doing the carnivore diet and I could barely talk. I didn't like, I didn't have no energy in my body.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I would like fall asleep, like listen, like I would talk in a conversation and then as soon as I was done I would like rest for a little while.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like it dry, it was very strange, I was shocked at how much energy I didn't have.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit is just so dangerous, you know? It's crazy how dangerous it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Dog shit, there's dog shit everywhere now. Dog shit's nothing dude. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, yeah, while I grew up in our area, I think they had a lot of like, uh, like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That white dog shit or something. I think before we moved there were a lot of dogs that lived there for like a decade or something and then all like, like kind of passed away or something. And so there was a lot of that white, the prehistoric kind of looking stuff, you know?


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[Assistant] What the fuck? Oh my god, dude, this guy's from the Bible, you know? Yeah, dude. We had a guy, I've talked about this before, but we had a guy who, uh, would have, like, he was kind of this aggressive guy and he would defecate in his yard and he would make me bury it.


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[Assistant] God, I have to walk down there every day with my little pail and shovel. And... But he only let people that he liked do it.


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[Assistant] No, he just, I think my brother had went to summer camp or something. And so I had to like, suddenly I was like the closest in age to this guy in our, in our street and he was just an aggressive dude. And he just.


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[Assistant] He would fucking shit and look at you and you knew you had to do something for him. And it was barrier.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't know at that time. I don't know. I just think it was some maybe camaraderie. I don't know, like.


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[Assistant] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever hurt animals when you were little? No, we didn't have anything like that. Uh, we would have people.


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[Assistant] I just actually went to my old apartment the other day that I grew up in. During the holidays, stopped over there.


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[Assistant] And the people, people are always stealing our balconies, so people would steal the wood.


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[Assistant] And, uh, yeah, and then you'd see it. Somebody would have built their kids something for Christmas or, you know, built like, uh, some, you know, use it on their fence or some shit. And they're like, that's our fucking balcony.


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[Assistant] Yeah, but it's pretty crazy. I went back. Yeah. Still same shit happened around the neighborhood, but, um.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I'm trying to think of something about animals. Yeah, we didn't have any pets.


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[Assistant] Oh dang, really? Nah, we didn't do nothing real crazy like that, dude. We didn't do any. Just turds. Oh, I seen a guy throw a grenade one time, dude. That's pretty tight. I seen a senior citizen hum a grenade into a group of, uh,


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[Assistant] Not calves, what are old cows called? Older calves. Uhm. Peppers.


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[Assistant] Like, people were like, no way this guy's got a grenade in his truck and somebody's like yelling, you qu-


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[Assistant] And, uh, he, cause he's just like, he got pissed, you know, and then, uh, he, he had a grenade and he fucking threw that bitch, dude. Damn.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's just sad to think sometimes of all the stuff that happens. Yeah.


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[Assistant] Probably, I don't know, the golden globes were on. Did you watch any of it? I just saw, uh, I watched maybe like 30 minutes. I didn't watch it. I just wanted to go back and see like, cause a lot of people were ripping on, or not ripping on Joe Cole, but they were.


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[Assistant] They got Joe Coy to do the opening, right? And so uhm, yeaah, people were just...


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[Assistant] I don't know if they were ripping, it just seemed, it just seemed like the whole thing seemed kind of disorganized. Yeah. Is what I thought. They need Gervais.


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[Assistant] Damn. Damn. But he was up against people I didn't even know that had comedy albums out. They had Schumer, Silver, like who the fuck? Really? Yea. That's just...


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[Assistant] Why does that mean? It's like you don't, you're not worth of... I have no idea.


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[Assistant] But it just goes to say, it's like, that's what blew my mind. I was like, what? Yeah.


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[Assistant] This isn't like, so wait, so you're only up if you like, work for the studios or if you work for a, like.


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[Assistant] It's just like- I have no idea. I don't know, it's just like why- your shit's not even re- it just made me, I think- I don't know if that made me mad or whatever, but it just was like-


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[Assistant] What are, what are we, what are we even doing? Like, it just seemed like fictional then. It's like, oh, we've always been living in a fictional world.


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[Assistant] Where this, where it seemed like maybe the awards meant anything or something?


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[Assistant] I don't know man, but yea, I think you should have won. Oh, thanks dude.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, I think nobody cares anymore. Yeaah. I think it seemed crazy. Yeaah, just part of me was like, I want, I didn't get to ask you, uh,


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[Assistant] I guess they paid him a good amount. I don't know. It almost seems like they set the comedian up to be the scapegoat though. Cause it's like, they know it's a trash show.


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[Assistant] They know nobody cares. I feel like anyway. I mean, you can't, nobody could name probably even 13 good movies from this year or even seven or eight.


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[Assistant] I'm gonna try to get to it though. I gotta check it out. But yeah, but anyway, I think, yeah, it just seemed maybe fictional. I don't know. Yeah. This year just seemed like.


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[Assistant] But I, I, I, I, it seemed like they're setting the host of this. They almost hired the host just so they'll have somebody to be like, cause how could you even do that? Well, I wonder, like, how would you even call all pedophiles? Yeah.


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[Assistant] Oh, Gaffigan, he goes, I can't believe I'm here. He's like, I'm from Indiana, you know, uh, not a pedophile.


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[Assistant] Don't get it wrong, or you're fat. It's very funny. That kind of shit makes me sad, but that kid is pretty smart. He, uh, it helps. I don't know if, I bet it's interesting.


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[Assistant] Just crushing quizzos now. Which is a game plan, at least you have a game plan with your child. True, yeaah. Uhm.


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[Assistant] But yea, if they had Kat, we could even imagine. First of all, they, they don't even have, they only have like three black people at the Golden Globes, dude, right? Um, and then, uh, yeah, last year they hired him, um,


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[Assistant] Who's the guy, the comedian that did it last year? Gerard. Gerard. Yeah.


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[Assistant] So yea, I kind of feel like they said maybe set, like if you're the host, you know, I think that you're going to be set up to be the fall guy. That's what I think. I'm trying to figure out what I'm thinking about.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he had a co- but it just seemed like a joke that a writer had written that wasn't- Well, I didn't hear the joke. What was the joke? It was just like, you'll see less shots of her on the Golden Globes than you will at a Chiefs game. Right? So just, I thought it was just a wha- it just- It's nothing.


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[Assistant] But it's almost like that's the whole thing now. It's just like, let's just make this moment. Like we're just going to make this moment. We're going to hire a comedian. He's get, they're going to be the fall guy. Cause there's really no way to win unless you just call everybody pedophiles. That's what people want right now.


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[Assistant] That's what we need, dude. We could use it. We need a real fucking brother in there, bruh.


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[Assistant] So what you're saying is they paid you, they offer you $15 million to go to a Jacksonville state? What college are you talking about? I think it was, remember that kid in that video? Yeah, that was so good.


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[Assistant] Let's check in with this dark oyster over here. Lamar, what do you think about, uh, what Kat said? What does the black community think?


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[Assistant] Cause there's always like a co- I feel like, do you see a lot of black-


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[Assistant] You don't see a lot of black men go in like that, huh?


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[Assistant] No, not that hard. Yeah. Also in comedy, there's, you don't really, comics like.


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[Assistant] They don't really go in on other comics really cause everybody knows I think that it's an interesting, we're all weird people.


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[Assistant] Is that making any sense or no? Well the first part does.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I love Kat Williams. Dude, I saw Kat Williams, right? Uhh.


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[Assistant] Drive by the comedy store one time on a bike, on a bicycle, and it was one of those ones with the wheat where the, uh, the lights are in the wheel, in the, uh, in the wheels. 100% dude.